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diff --git a/4923-h/4923-h.htm b/4923-h/4923-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c7fb70a --- /dev/null +++ b/4923-h/4923-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,12953 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en"> + <head> + <title> + King Midas, by Upton Sinclair + </title> + <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + +</style> + </head> + <body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of King Midas, by Upton Sinclair + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: King Midas + +Author: Upton Sinclair + + +Release Date: January, 2004 [EBook #4923] +This file was first posted on March 27, 2002 +Last Updated: March 10, 2018 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK KING MIDAS *** + + + + +Text file produced by Charles Aldarondo + +HTML file produced by David Widger + + + +</pre> + + <div style="height: 8em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h1> + KING MIDAS + </h1> + <h2> + A ROMANCE + </h2> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <h2> + By Upton Sinclair + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + I dreamed that Soul might dare the pain, + Unlike the prince of old, + And wrest from heaven the fiery touch + That turns all things to gold. + </pre> + <h5> + New York and London <br /> <br /> 1901 + </h5> + <p> + <b>NOTE</b> + </p> + <p> + In the course of this story, the author has had occasion to refer to + Beethoven's Sonata Appassionata as containing a suggestion of the opening + theme of the Fifth Symphony. He has often seen this stated, and believed + that the statement was generally accepted as true. Since writing, however, + he has heard the opinion expressed, by a musician who is qualified to + speak as an authority, that the two themes have nothing to do with each + other. The author himself is not competent to have an opinion on the + subject, but because the statement as first made is closely bound up with + the story, he has allowed it to stand unaltered. + </p> + <p> + The two extracts from MacDowell's “Woodland Sketches,” on pages 214 and + 291, are reprinted with the kind permission of Professor MacDowell and of + Arthur P. Schmidt, publisher. + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + <b>CONTENTS</b> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_PART"> <b>PART I</b> </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0001"> CHAPTER I </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0002"> CHAPTER II </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0003"> CHAPTER III </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0004"> CHAPTER IV </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0005"> CHAPTER V </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0006"> CHAPTER VI </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0007"> CHAPTER VII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0008"> CHAPTER VIII </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0009"> CHAPTER IX </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0010"> CHAPTER X </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0011"> CHAPTER XI. </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0012"> CHAPTER XII. </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0013"> CHAPTER XIII </a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_PART2"> <b>PART II</b> </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0014"> CHAPTER I </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0015"> CHAPTER II </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0016"> CHAPTER III </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2HCH0017"> CHAPTER IV </a> + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_PART" id="link2H_PART"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + PART I + </h2> + <h4> + In the merry month of May. + </h4> + <h1> + KING MIDAS + </h1> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0001" id="link2HCH0001"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER I + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “O Madchen, Madchen, + Wie lieb' ich dich!” + </pre> + <p> + It was that time of year when all the world belongs to poets, for their + harvest of joy; when those who seek the country not for beauty, but for + coolness, have as yet thought nothing about it, and when those who dwell + in it all the time are too busy planting for another harvest to have any + thought of poets; so that the latter, and the few others who keep + something in their hearts to chime with the great spring-music, have the + woods and waters all for their own for two joyful months, from the time + that the first snowy bloodroot has blossomed, until the wild rose has + faded and nature has no more to say. In those two months there are two + weeks, the ones that usher in the May, that bear the prize of all the year + for glory; the commonest trees wear green and silver then that would + outshine a coronation robe, and if a man has any of that prodigality of + spirit which makes imagination, he may hear the song of all the world. + </p> + <p> + It was on such a May morning in the midst of a great forest of pine trees, + one of those forests whose floors are moss-covered ruins that give to them + the solemnity of age and demand humility from those who walk within their + silences. There was not much there to tell of the springtime, for the + pines are unsympathetic, but it seemed as if all the more wealth had been + flung about on the carpeting beneath. Where the moss was not were flowing + beds of fern, and the ground was dotted with slender harebells and the + dusty, half-blossomed corydalis, while from all the rocks the bright red + lanterns of the columbine were dangling. + </p> + <p> + Of the beauty so wonderfully squandered there was but one witness, a young + man who was walking slowly along, stepping as it seemed where there were + no flowers; and who, whenever he stopped to gaze at a group of them, left + them unmolested in their happiness. He was tall and slenderly built, with + a pale face shadowed by dark hair; he was clad in black, and carried in + one hand a half-open book, which, however, he seemed to have forgotten. + </p> + <p> + A short distance ahead was a path, scarcely marked except where the + half-rotted trees were trodden through. Down this the young man turned, + and a while later, as his ear was caught by the sound of falling water, he + quickened his steps a trifle, until he came to a little streamlet which + flowed through the forest, taking for its bed the fairest spot in that + wonderland of beauty. It fled from rock to rock covered with the brightest + of bright green moss and with tender fern that was but half uncurled, and + it flashed in the sunlit places and tinkled from the deep black shadows, + ever racing faster as if to see what more the forest had to show. The + young man's look had been anxious before, but he brightened in spite of + himself in the company of the streamlet. + </p> + <p> + Not far beyond was a place where a tiny rill flowed down from the high + rocks above, and where the path broadened out considerably. It was a + darkly shadowed spot, and the little rill was gathered in a sunken barrel, + which the genius of the place had made haste to cover with the green + uniform worn by all else that was to be seen. Beside the spring thus + formed the young man seated himself, and after glancing impatiently at his + watch, turned his gaze upon the beauty that was about him. Upon the + neighboring rocks the columbine and harebell held high revel, but he did + not notice them so much as a new sight that flashed upon his eye; for the + pool where the two streamlets joined was like a nest which the + marsh-marigold had taken for its home. The water was covered with its + bright green and yellow, and the young man gazed at the blossoms with + eager delight, until finally he knelt and plucked a few of them, which he + laid, cool and gleaming, upon the seat by the spring. + </p> + <p> + The flowers did not hold his attention very long, however; he rose up and + turned away towards where, a few steps beyond, the open country could be + seen between the tree trunks. Beyond the edge of the woods was a field, + through which the footpath and the streamlet both ran, the former to join + a road leading to a little town which lay in the distance. The landscape + was beautiful in its morning freshness, but it was not that which the + young man thought of; he had given but one glance before he started back + with a slight exclamation, his face turning paler. He stepped into the + concealment of the thick bushes at one side, where he stood gazing out, + motionless except for a slight trembling. Down the road he had seen a + white-clad figure just coming out of the village; it was too far away to + be recognized, but it was a young girl, walking with a quick and springing + step, and he seemed to know who it was. + </p> + <p> + She had not gone very far before she came to a thick hedge which lined the + roadside and hid her from the other's view; he could not see her again + until she came to the place where the streamlet was crossed by a bridge, + and where the little path turned off towards the forest. In the meantime + he stood waiting anxiously; for when she reached there he would see her + plainly for the first time, and also know if she were coming to the + spring. She must have stopped to look at something, for the other had + almost started from his hiding place in his eagerness when finally she + swept past the bushes. She turned down the path straight towards him, and + he clasped his hands together in delight as he gazed at her. + </p> + <p> + And truly she was a very vision of the springtime, as she passed down the + meadows that were gleaming with their first sprinkling of buttercups. She + was clad in a dress of snowy white, which the wind swept before her as she + walked; and it had stolen one strand of her golden hair to toss about and + play with. She came with all the eagerness and spring of the brooklet that + danced beside her, her cheeks glowing with health and filled with the + laughter of the morning. Surely, of all the flowers of the May-time there + is none so fair as the maiden. And the young man thought as he stood + watching her that in all the world there was no maiden so fair as this. + </p> + <p> + She did not see him, for her eyes were lifted to a little bobolink that + had come flying down the wind. One does not hear the bobolink at his best + unless one goes to hear him; for sheer glorified happiness there is in all + our land no bird like him at the hour of sunrise, when he is drunk with + the morning breeze and the sight of the dew-filled roses. At present a + shower had just passed and the bobolink may have thought that another dawn + had come; or perhaps he saw the maiden. At any rate, he perched himself + upon the topmost leaf of the maple tree, still half-flying, as if scorning + even that much support; and there he sang his song. First he gave his long + prelude that one does not often hear—a few notes a score of times + repeated, and growing swift and loud, and more and more strenuous and + insistent; as sometimes the orchestra builds up its climax, so that the + listener holds his breath and waits for something, he knows not what. Then + he paused a moment and turned his head to see if the girl were watching, + and filled his throat and poured out his wonderful gushing music, with its + watery and bell-like tone that only the streamlet can echo, from its + secret places underneath the banks. Again and again he gave it forth, the + white patches on his wings flashing in the sunlight and both himself and + his song one thrill of joy. + </p> + <p> + The girl's face was lit up with delight as she tripped down the meadow + path. A gust of wind came up behind her, and bowed the grass and the + flowers before her and swung the bird upon the tree; and so light was the + girl's step that it seemed to lift her and sweep her onward. As it grew + stronger she stretched out her arms to it and half leaned upon it and + flung her head back for the very fullness of her happiness. The wind + tossed her skirts about her, and stole another tress of hair, and swung + the lily which she had plucked and which she carried in her hand. It is + only when one has heard much music that he understands the morning wind, + and knows that it is a living thing about which he can say such things as + that; one needs only to train his ear and he can hear its footsteps upon + the meadows, and hear it calling to him from the tops of the trees. + </p> + <p> + The girl was the very spirit of the wind at that moment, and she seemed to + feel that some music was needed. She glanced up again at the bobolink, who + had ceased his song; she nodded to him once as if for a challenge, and + then, still leaning back upon the breeze, and keeping time with the flower + in her hand, she broke out into a happy song: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “I heard a streamlet gushing + From out its rocky bed, + Far down the valley rushing, + So fresh and clear it sped.” + </pre> + <p> + But then, as if even Schubert were not equal to the fullness of her heart, + or because the language of joy has no words, she left the song unfinished + and swept on in a wild carol that rose and swelled and made the forest + echo. The bobolink listened and then flew on to listen again, while still + the girl poured out her breathless music, a mad volley of soaring melody; + it seemed fairly to lift her from her feet, and she was half dancing as + she went. There came another gust of wind and took her in its arms; and + the streamlet fled before her; and thus the three, in one wild burst of + happiness, swept into the woodland together. + </p> + <p> + There in its shadows the girl stopped short, her song cut in half by the + sight of the old forest in its majesty. One could not have imagined a + greater contrast than the darkness and silence which dwelt beneath the + vast canopy, and she gazed about her in rapture, first at the trees and + then at the royal carpet of green, starred with its fields of flowers. Her + breast heaved, and she stretched out her arms as if she would have clasped + it all to her. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, it is so beautiful!” she cried aloud. “It is so beautiful!” + </p> + <p> + In the meantime the young man, still unseen, had been standing in the + shadow of the bushes, drinking in the sight. The landscape and the figure + and the song had all faded from his thoughts, or rather blended themselves + as a halo about one thing, the face of this girl. For it was one of those + faces that a man may see once in a lifetime and keep as a haunting memory + ever afterwards, as a vision of the sweetness and glory of woman; at this + moment it was a face transfigured with rapture, and the man who was gazing + upon it was trembling, and scarcely aware of where he was. + </p> + <p> + For fully a minute more the girl stood motionless, gazing about at the + forest; then she chanced to look towards the spring, where she saw the + flowers upon the seat. + </p> + <p> + “Why, someone has left a nosegay!” she exclaimed, as she started forward; + but that seemed to suggest another thought to her, and she looked around. + As she did so she caught sight of the young man and sprang towards him. + “Why, Arthur! You here!” she cried. + </p> + <p> + The other started forward as if he would have clasped her in his arms; but + then recollecting himself he came forward very slowly, half lowering his + eyes before the girl's beauty. + </p> + <p> + “So you recollect me, Helen, do you?” he said, in a low voice. + </p> + <p> + “Recollect you?” was the answer. “Why, you dear, foolish boy, of course I + recollect you. But how in the world do you come to be here?” + </p> + <p> + “I came here to see you, Helen.” + </p> + <p> + “To see me?” exclaimed she. “But pray how—” and then she stopped, + and a look of delight swept across her face. “You mean that you knew I + would come here the first thing?” + </p> + <p> + “I do indeed.” + </p> + <p> + “Why, that was beautiful!” she exclaimed. “I am so glad I did come.” + </p> + <p> + The glance which she gave made his heart leap up; for a moment or two they + were silent, looking at each other, and then suddenly another thought + struck the girl. “Arthur,” she cried, “I forgot! Do you mean to tell me + that you have come all the way from Hilltown?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, Helen.” + </p> + <p> + “And just to see me?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, Helen.” + </p> + <p> + “And this morning?” + </p> + <p> + She received the same answer again. “It is twelve miles,” she exclaimed; + “who ever heard of such a thing? You must be tired to death.” + </p> + <p> + She put out her hand, which he took tremblingly. + </p> + <p> + “Let us go sit down on the bench,” she said, “and then we can talk about + things. I am perfectly delighted that you came,” she added when she had + seated herself, with the marigolds and the lily in her lap. “It will seem + just like old times; just think how long ago it was that I saw you last, + Arthur,—three whole years! And do you know, as I left the town I + thought of you, and that I might find you here.” + </p> + <p> + The young man's face flushed with pleasure. + </p> + <p> + “But I'd forgotten you since!” went on the girl, eyeing him mischievously; + “for oh, I was so happy, coming down the old, old path, and seeing all the + old sights! Things haven't changed a bit, Arthur; the woods look exactly + the same, and the bridge hasn't altered a mite since the days we used to + sit on the edge and let our feet hang in. Do you remember that, Arthur?” + </p> + <p> + “Perfectly,” was the answer. + </p> + <p> + “And that was over a dozen years ago! How old are you now, Arthur,—twenty-one—no, + twenty-two; and I am just nineteen. To-day is my birthday, you know!” + </p> + <p> + “I had not forgotten it, Helen.” + </p> + <p> + “You came to welcome me! And so did everything else. Do you know, I don't + think I'd ever been so happy in my life as I was just now. For I thought + the old trees greeted me, and the bridge, and the stream! And I'm sure + that was the same bobolink! They don't have any bobolinks in Germany, and + so that one was the first I have heard in three years. You heard him, + didn't you, Arthur?” + </p> + <p> + “I did—at first,” said Arthur. + </p> + <p> + “And then you heard me, you wicked boy! You heard me come in here singing + and talking to myself like a mad creature! I don't think I ever felt so + like singing before; they make hard work out of singing and everything + else in Germany, you know, so I never sang out of business hours; but I + believe I could sing all day now, because I'm so happy.” + </p> + <p> + “Go on,” said the other, seriously; “I could listen.” + </p> + <p> + “No; I want to talk to you just now,” said Helen. “You should have kept + yourself hidden and then you'd have heard all sorts of wonderful things + that you'll never have another chance to hear. For I was just going to + make a speech to the forest, and I think I should have kissed each one of + the flowers. You might have put it all into a poem,—for oh, father + tells me you're going to be a great poet!” + </p> + <p> + “I'm going to try,” said Arthur, blushing. + </p> + <p> + “Just think how romantic that would be!” the girl laughed; “and I could + write your memoir and tell all I knew about you. Tell me about yourself, + Arthur—I don't mean for the memoir, but because I want to know the + news.” + </p> + <p> + “There isn't any, Helen, except that I finished college last spring, as I + wrote you, and I'm teaching school at Hilltown.” + </p> + <p> + “And you like it?” + </p> + <p> + “I hate it; but I have to keep alive, to try to be a poet. And that is the + news about myself.” + </p> + <p> + “Except,” added Helen, “that you walked twelve miles this glorious + Saturday morning to welcome me home, which was beautiful. And of course + you'll stay over Sunday, now you're here; I can invite you myself, you + know, for I've come home to take the reins of government. You never saw + such a sight in your life as my poor father has made of our house; he's + got the parlor all full of those horrible theological works of his, just + as if God had never made anything beautiful! And since I've been away that + dreadful Mrs. Dale has gotten complete charge of the church, and she's one + of those creatures that wouldn't allow you to burn a candle in the organ + loft; and father never was of any use for quarreling about things.” + (Helen's father, the Reverend Austin Davis, was the rector of the little + Episcopal church in the town of Oakdale just across the fields.) “I only + arrived last night,” the girl prattled on, venting her happiness in that + way instead of singing; “but I hunted up two tallow candles in the attic, + and you shall see them in church to-morrow. If there's any complaint about + the smell, I'll tell Mrs. Dale we ought to have incense, and she'll get so + excited about that that I'll carry the candles by default. I'm going to + institute other reforms also,—I'm going to make the choir sing in + tune!” + </p> + <p> + “If you will only sing as you were singing just now, nobody will hear the + rest of the choir,” vowed the young man, who during her remarks had never + taken his eyes off the girl's radiant face. + </p> + <p> + Helen seemed not to notice it, for she had been arranging the marigolds; + now she was drying them with her handkerchief before fastening them upon + her dress. + </p> + <p> + “You ought to learn to sing yourself,” she said while she bent her head + down at that task. “Do you care for music any more than you used to?” + </p> + <p> + “I think I shall care for it just as I did then,” was the answer, + “whenever you sing it.” + </p> + <p> + “Pooh!” said Helen, looking up from her marigolds; “the idea of a dumb + poet anyway, a man who cannot sing his own songs! Don't you know that if + you could sing and make yourself gloriously happy as I was just now, and + as I mean to be some more, you could write poetry whenever you wish.” + </p> + <p> + “I can believe that,” said Arthur. + </p> + <p> + “Then why haven't you ever learned? Our English poets have all been + ridiculous creatures about music, any how; I don't believe there was one + in this century, except Browning, that really knew anything about it, and + all their groaning and pining for inspiration was nothing in the world but + a need of some music; I was reading the 'Palace of Art' only the other + day, and there was that 'lordly pleasure house' with all its modern + improvements, and without a sound of music. Of course the poor soul had to + go back to the suffering world, if it were only to hear a hand-organ + again.” + </p> + <p> + “That is certainly a novel theory,” admitted the young poet. “I shall come + to you when I need inspiration.” + </p> + <p> + “Come and bring me your songs,” added the girl, “and I will sing them to + you. You can write me a poem about that brook, for one thing. I was + thinking just as I came down the road that if I were a poet I should have + beautiful things to say to that brook. Will you do it for me?” + </p> + <p> + “I have already tried to write one,” said the young man, hesitatingly. + </p> + <p> + “A song?” asked Helen. + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, good! And I shall make some music for it; will you tell it to me?” + </p> + <p> + “When?” + </p> + <p> + “Now, if you can remember it,” said Helen. “Can you?” + </p> + <p> + “If you wish it,” said Arthur, simply; “I wrote it two or three months + ago, when the country was different from now.” + </p> + <p> + He fumbled in his pocket for some papers, and then in a low tone he read + these words to the girl: + </p> + <h3> + AT MIDNIGHT + </h3> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + The burden of the winter + The year haa borne too long, + And oh, my heart is weary + For a springtime song! + + The moonbeams shrink unwelcomed + From the frozen lake; + Of all the forest voices + There is but one awake + + I seek thee, happy streamlet + That murmurest on thy way, + As a child in troubled slumber + Still dreaming of its play; + + I ask thee where in thy journey + Thou seeest so fair a sight, + That thou hast joy and singing + All through the winter night. +</pre> + <p> + Helen was silent for a few moments, then she said, “I think that is + beautiful, Arthur; but it is not what I want.” + </p> + <p> + “Why not?” he asked. + </p> + <p> + “I should have liked it when you wrote it, but now the spring has come, + and we must be happy. You have heard the springtime song.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Arthur, “and the streamlet has led me to the beautiful sight.” + </p> + <p> + “It <i>is</i> beautiful,” said Helen, gazing about her with that naive + unconsciousness which “every wise man's son doth know” is one thing he may + never trust in a woman. “It could not be more beautiful,” she added, “and + you must write me something about it, instead of wandering around our + pasture-pond on winter nights till your imagination turns it into a frozen + lake.” + </p> + <p> + The young poet put away his papers rather suddenly at that, and Helen, + after gazing at him for a moment, and laughing to herself, sprang up from + the seat. + </p> + <p> + “Come!” she cried, “why are we sitting here, anyway, talking about all + sorts of things, and forgetting the springtime altogether? I haven't been + half as happy yet as I mean to be.” + </p> + <p> + She seemed to have forgotten her friend's twelve mile walk; but he had + forgotten it too, just as he soon forgot the rather wintry reception of + his little song. It was not possible for him to remain dull very long in + the presence of the girl's glowing energy; for once upon her feet, Helen's + dancing mood seemed to come back to her, if indeed it had ever more than + half left her. The brooklet struck up the measure again, and the wind + shook the trees far above them, to tell that it was still awake, and the + girl was the very spirit of the springtime once more. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, Arthur,” she said as she led him down the path, “just think how happy + I ought to be, to welcome all the old things after so long, and to find + them all so beautiful; it is just as if the country had put on its finest + dress to give me greeting, and I feel as if I were not half gay enough in + return. Just think what this springtime is, how all over the country + everything is growing and rejoicing; <i>that</i> is what I want you to put + into the poem for me.” + </p> + <p> + And so she led him on into the forest, carried on by joy herself, and + taking all things into her song. She did not notice that the young man's + forehead was flushed, or that his hand was burning when she took it in + hers as they walked; if she noticed it, she chose at any rate to pretend + not to. She sang to him about the forest and the flowers, and some more of + the merry song which she had sung before; then she stopped to shake her + head at a saucy adder's tongue that thrust its yellow face up through the + dead leaves at her feet, and to ask that wisest-looking of all flowers + what secrets it knew about the spring-time. Later on they came to a place + where the brook fled faster, sparkling brightly in the sunlight over its + shallow bed of pebbles; it was only her runaway caroling that could keep + pace with that, and so her glee mounted higher, the young man at her side + half in a trance, watching her laughing face and drinking in the sound of + her voice. + </p> + <p> + How long that might have lasted there is no telling, had it not been that + the woods came to an end, disclosing more open fields and a village + beyond. “We'd better not go any farther,” said Helen, laughing; “if any of + the earth creatures should hear us carrying on they would not know it was + 'Trunkenheit ohne Wein.'” + </p> + <p> + She stretched out her hand to her companion, and led him to a seat upon a + fallen log nearby. “Poor boy,” she said, “I forgot that you were supposed + to be tired.” + </p> + <p> + “It does not make any difference,” was the reply; “I hadn't thought of + it.” + </p> + <p> + “There's no need to walk farther,” said Helen, “for I've seen all that I + wish to see. How dear this walk ought to be to us, Arthur!” + </p> + <p> + “I do not know about you, Helen,” said the young man, “but it has been + dear to me indeed. I could not tell you how many times I have walked over + it, all alone, since you left; and I used to think about the many times I + had walked it with you. You haven't forgotten, Helen, have you?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said Helen. + </p> + <p> + “Not one?” + </p> + <p> + “Not one.” + </p> + <p> + The young man was resting his head upon his hand and gazing steadily at + the girl. + </p> + <p> + “Do you remember, Helen—?” He stopped; and she turned with her + bright clear eyes and gazed into his. + </p> + <p> + “Remember what?” she asked. + </p> + <p> + “Do you remember the last time we took it, Helen?” + </p> + <p> + She flushed a trifle, and half involuntarily turned her glance away again. + </p> + <p> + “Do you remember?” he asked again, seeing that she was silent. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, I remember,” said the girl, her voice lower—“But I'd rather + you did not—.” She stopped short. + </p> + <p> + “You wish to forget it, Helen?” asked Arthur. + </p> + <p> + He was trembling with anxiety, and his hands, which were clasped about his + knee, were twitching. “Oh, Helen, how can you?” he went on, his voice + breaking. “Do you not remember the last night that we sat there by the + spring, and you were going away, no one knew for how long—and how + you told me that it was more than you could bear; and the promise that you + made me? Oh, Helen!” + </p> + <p> + The girl gazed at him with a frightened look; he had sunk down upon his + knee before her, and he caught her hand which lay upon the log at her + side. + </p> + <p> + “Helen!” he cried, “you cannot mean to forget that? For that promise has + been the one joy of my life, that for which I have labored so hard! My one + hope, Helen! I came to-day to claim it, to tell you—” + </p> + <p> + And with a wild glance about her, the girl sprang to her feet, snatching + her hand away from his. + </p> + <p> + “Arthur!” she cried; “Arthur, you must not speak to me so!” + </p> + <p> + “I must not, Helen?” + </p> + <p> + “No, no,” she cried, trembling; “we were only children, and we did not + know the meaning of the words we used. You must not talk to me that way, + Arthur.” + </p> + <p> + “Helen!” he protested, helplessly. + </p> + <p> + “No, no, I will not allow it!” she cried more vehemently, stepping back as + he started towards her, and holding close to her the hand he had held. “I + had no idea there was such a thought in your mind—” + </p> + <p> + Helen stopped, breathlessly. + </p> + <p> + “—or you would not have been so kind to me?” the other added + faintly. + </p> + <p> + “I thought of you as an old friend,” said Helen. “I was but a child when I + went away. I wish you still to be a friend, Arthur; but you must not act + in that way.” + </p> + <p> + The young man glanced once at her, and when he saw the stern look upon her + face he buried his head in his arms without a sound. + </p> + <p> + For fully a minute they remained thus, in silence; then as Helen watched + him, her chest ceased gradually to heave, and a gentler look returned to + her face. She came and sat down on the log again. + </p> + <p> + “Arthur,” she said after another silence, “can we not just be friends?” + </p> + <p> + The young man answered nothing, but he raised his head and gazed at her; + and she saw that there were tears in his eyes, and a look of mute + helplessness upon his face. She trembled slightly, and rose to her feet + again. + </p> + <p> + “Arthur,” she said gravely, “this must not be; we must not sit here any + longer. I must go.” + </p> + <p> + “Helen!” exclaimed the other, springing up. + </p> + <p> + But he saw her brow knit again, and he stopped short. The girl gazed about + her, and the village in the distance caught her eye. + </p> + <p> + “Listen,” she said, with forced calmness; “I promised father that I would + go and see old Mrs. Woodward, who was asking for me. You may wait here, if + you like, and walk home with me, for I shall not be gone very long. Will + you do it?” + </p> + <p> + The other gazed at her for a moment or two; he was trying to read the + girl's heart, but he saw only the quiet firmness of her features. + </p> + <p> + “Will you wait, Arthur?” she asked again. + </p> + <p> + And Arthur's head sank upon his breast. “Yes, Helen,” he said. When he + lifted it again, the girl was gone; she had disappeared in the thicket, + and he could hear her footsteps as she passed swiftly down the hillside. + </p> + <p> + He went to the edge of the woods, where he could see her a short distance + below, hurrying down the path with a step as light and free as ever. The + wind had met her at the forest's edge and joined her once more, playing + about her skirts and tossing the lily again. As Arthur watched her, the + old music came back into his heart; his eyes sparkled, and all his soul + seemed to be dancing in time with her light motion. Thus it went until she + came to a place where the path must hide her from his view. The young man + held his breath, and when she turned a cry of joy escaped him; she saw him + and waved her hand to him gaily as she swept on out of his sight. + </p> + <p> + For a moment afterwards he stood rooted to the spot, then whirled about + and laughed aloud. He put his hand to his forehead, which was flushed and + hot, and he gazed about him, as if he were not sure where he was. “Oh, she + is so beautiful!” he cried, his face a picture of rapture. “So beautiful!” + </p> + <p> + And he started through the forest as wildly as any madman, now muttering + to himself and now laughing aloud and making the forest echo with Helen's + name. When he stopped again he was far away from the path, in a desolate + spot, but tho he was staring around him, he saw no more than before. + Trembling had seized his limbs, and he sank down upon the yellow forest + leaves, hiding his face in his hands and whispering, “Oh, if I should lose + her! If I should lose her!” As old Polonius has it, truly it was “the very + ecstasy of love.” + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0002" id="link2HCH0002"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER II + </h2> + <p> + “A dancing shape, an image gay, To haunt, to startle, and waylay.” + </p> + <p> + The town of Oakdale is at the present time a flourishing place, inhabited + principally by “suburbanites,” for it lies not very far from New York; but + the Reverend Austin Davis, who was the spiritual guardian of most of them, + had come to Oakdale some twenty and more years ago, when it was only a + little village, with a struggling church which it was the task of the + young clergyman to keep alive. Perhaps the growth of the town had as much + to do with his success as his own efforts; but however that might have + been he had received his temporal reward some ten years later, in the + shape of a fine stone church, with a little parsonage beside it. He had + lived there ever since, alone with his one child,—for just after + coming to Oakdale he had married a daughter of one of the wealthy families + of the neighborhood, and been left a widower a year or two later. + </p> + <p> + A more unromantic and thoroughly busy man than Mr. Davis at the age of + forty-five, when this story begins, it would not have been easy to find; + but nevertheless people spoke of no less than two romances that had been + connected with his life. One of them had been his early marriage, which + had created a mild sensation, while the other had come into his life even + sooner, in fact on the very first day of his arrival at Oakdale. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis could still bring back to his mind with perfect clearness the + first night he had spent in the little wooden cottage which he had hired + for his residence; how while busily unpacking his trunk and trying to + bring the disordered place into shape, he had opened the door in answer to + a knock and beheld a woman stagger in out of the storm. She was a young + girl, surely not yet out of her teens, her pale and sunken face showing + marks of refinement and of former beauty. She carried in her arms a child + of about a year's age, and she dropped it upon the sofa and sank down + beside it, half fainting from exhaustion. The young clergyman's anxious + inquiries having succeeded in eliciting but incoherent replies, he had + left the room to procure some nourishment for the exhausted woman; it was + upon his return that the discovery of the romance alluded to was made, for + the woman had disappeared in the darkness and storm, and the baby was + still lying upon the sofa. + </p> + <p> + It was not altogether a pleasant romance, as is probably the case with a + good many romances in reality. Mr. Davis was destined to retain for a long + time a vivid recollection of the first night which he spent in alternately + feeding that baby with a spoon, and in walking the floor with it; and also + to remember the sly glances which his parishioners only half hid from him + when his unpleasant plight was made known. + </p> + <p> + It happened that the poorhouse at Hilltown near by, to which the infant + would have gone if he had left it to the care of the county, was at that + time being “investigated,” with all that the name implies when referring + to public matters; the clergy of the neighborhood being active in pushing + the charges, Mr. Davis felt that at present it would look best for him to + provide for the child himself. As the investigation came to nothing, the + inducement was made a permanent one; perhaps also the memory of the + mother's wan face had something to do with the matter. At any rate the + young clergyman, tho but scantily provided for himself, managed to spare + enough to engage a woman in the town to take care of the young charge. + Subsequently when Mr. Davis' wife died the woman became Helen's nurse, and + so it was that Arthur, as the baby boy had been christened, became + permanently adopted into the clergyman's little family. + </p> + <p> + It had not been possible to keep from Arthur the secret of his parentage, + and the fact that it was known to all served to keep him aloof from the + other children of the town, and to drive him still more to the confidence + of Helen. One of the phrases which Mr. Davis had caught from the mother's + lips had been that the boy was a “gentleman's son;” and Helen was wont to + solace him by that reminder. Perhaps the phrase, constantly repeated, had + much to do with the proud sensitiveness and the resolute independence + which soon manifested itself in the lad's character. He had scarcely + passed the age of twelve before, tho treated by Mr. Davis with the love + and kindness of a father, he astonished the good man by declaring that he + was old enough to take care of himself; and tho Mr. Davis was better + situated financially by that time, nothing that he could say could alter + the boy's quiet determination to leave school and be independent, a + resolution in which he was seconded by Helen, a little miss of some nine + years. The two children had talked it over for months, as it appeared, and + concluded that it was best to sacrifice in the cause of honor the + privilege of going to school together, and of spending the long holidays + roaming about the country. + </p> + <p> + So the lad had served with childish dignity, first as an errand boy, and + then as a store clerk, always contributing his mite of “board” to Mr. + Davis' household expenses; meanwhile, possibly because he was really “a + gentleman's son,” and had inherited a taste for study, he had made by + himself about as much progress as if he had been at school. Some years + later, to the delight of Helen and Mr. Davis, he had carried off a prize + scholarship above the heads of the graduates of the Hilltown High School, + and still refusing all help, had gone away to college, to support himself + there while studying by such work as he could find, knowing well that a + true gentleman's son is ashamed of nothing honest. + </p> + <p> + He spent his vacations at home, where he and Helen studied together,—or + such rather had been his hope; it was realized only for the first year. + </p> + <p> + Helen had an aunt upon her mother's side, a woman of wealth and social + position, who owned a large country home near Oakdale, and who was by no + means inclined to view with the complacency of Mr. Davis the idyllic + friendship of the two young people. Mrs. Roberts, or “Aunt Polly” as she + was known to the family, had plans of her own concerning the future of the + beauty which she saw unfolding itself at the Oakdale parsonage. She said + nothing to Mr. Davis, for he, being busy with theological works and + charitable organizations, was not considered a man from whom one might + hope for proper ideas about life. But with her own more practical husband + she had frequently discussed the danger, and the possible methods of + warding it off. + </p> + <p> + To send Helen to a boarding school would have been of no use, for the + vacations were the times of danger; so it was that the trip abroad was + finally decided upon. Aunt Polly, having traveled herself, had a wholesome + regard for German culture, believing that music and things of that sort + were paying investments. It chanced, also, that her own eldest daughter, + who was a year older than Helen, was about through with all that American + teachers had to impart; and so after much argument with Mr. Davis, it was + finally arranged that she and Helen should study in Germany together. Just + when poor Arthur was returning home with the sublime title of junior, his + dream of all things divine was carried off by Aunt Polly, and after a + summer spent in “doing” Europe, was installed in a girl's school in + Leipzig. + </p> + <p> + And now, three years having passed, Helen has left her cousin for another + year of travel, and returned home in all the glory of her own springtime + and of Nature's; which brings us to where we left her, hurrying away to + pay a duty call in the little settlement on the hillside. + </p> + <p> + The visit had not been entirely a subterfuge, for Helen's father had + mentioned to her that the elderly person whom she had named to Arthur was + expecting to see her when she returned, and Helen had been troubled by the + thought that she would never have any peace until she had paid that visit. + It was by no means an agreeable one, for old Mrs. Woodward was exceedingly + dull, and Helen felt that she was called upon to make war upon dullness. + However, it had occurred to her to get her task out of the way at once, + while she felt that she ought to leave Arthur. + </p> + <p> + The visit proved to be quite as depressing as she had expected, for it is + sad to have to record that Helen, however sensitive to the streamlet and + the flowers, had not the least sympathy in the world for an old woman who + had a very sharp chin, who stared at one through two pairs of spectacles, + and whose conversation was about her own health and the dampness of the + springtime, besides the dreariest gossip about Oakdale's least interesting + people. Perhaps it might have occurred to the girl that it is very forlorn + to have nothing else to talk about, and that even old Mrs. Woodward might + have liked to hear about some of the things in the forest, or to have been + offered the lily and the marigold. Unfortunately, however, Helen did not + think about any of that, but only moved restlessly about in her chair and + gazed around the ugly room. Finally when she could stand it no more, she + sprang up between two of Mrs. Woodward's longest sentences and remarked + that it was very late and a long way home, and that she would come again + some time. + </p> + <p> + Then at last when she was out in the open air, she drew a deep breath and + fled away to the woods, wondering what could be God's reason for such + things. It was not until she was half way up the hillside that she could + feel that the wind, which blew now upon her forehead, had quite swept away + the depression which had settled upon her. She drank in the odors which + blew from the woods, and began singing to herself again, and looking out + for Arthur. + </p> + <p> + She was rather surprised not to see him at once, and still more surprised + when she came nearer and raised her voice to call him; for she reached the + forest and came to the place where she had left him without a reply having + come. She shouted his name again and again, until at last, not without a + half secret chagrin to have been so quickly forgotten, she was obliged to + set out for home alone. + </p> + <p> + “Perhaps he's gone on ahead,” she thought, quickening her pace. + </p> + <p> + For a time she watched anxiously, expecting to see his darkly clad figure; + but she soon wearied of continued failure, and because it was her + birthday, and because the brook was still at her side and the beautiful + forest still about her, she took to singing again, and was quickly as + happy and glorious as before, ceasing her caroling and moderating her + woodland pace only when she neared the town. She passed down the main + street of Oakdale, not quite without an exulting consciousness that her + walk had crowned her beauty and that no one whom she saw was thinking + about anything else; and so she came to her home, to the dear old + parsonage, with its spreading ivy vines, and its two great elms. + </p> + <p> + When she had hurried up the steps and shut the door behind her, Helen felt + privileged again to be just as merry as she chose, for she was even more + at home here than in the woods; it seemed as if everything were stretching + out its arms to her to welcome her, and to invite her to carry out her + declared purpose of taking the reins of government in her own hands. + </p> + <p> + Upon one side of the hallway was a parlor, and on the other side two + rooms, which Mr. Davis had used as a reception room and a study. The + parlor had never been opened, and Helen promised herself a jolly time + superintending the fixing up of that; on the other side she had already + taken possession of the front room, symbolically at any rate, by having + her piano moved in and her music unpacked, and a case emptied for the + books she had brought from Germany. To be sure, on the other side was + still a dreary wall of theological treatises in funereal black, but Helen + was not without hopes that continued doses of cheerfulness might cure her + father of such incomprehensible habits, and obtain for her the permission + to move the books to the attic. + </p> + <p> + To start things in that direction the girl now danced gaily into the study + where her father was in the act of writing “thirdly, brethren,” for his + next day's sermon; and crying out merrily, + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Up, up my friend, and quit your books, + Or surely you'll grow double!” + </pre> + <p> + she saluted her reverend father with the sweetest of kisses, and then + seated herself on the arm of his chair and gravely took his pen out of his + hand, and closed his inkstand. She turned over the “thirdly, brethren,” + without blotting it, and recited solemnly: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “One impulse from a vernal wood + May teach you more of man, + Of moral evil and of good. + Than all the sages can!” + </pre> + <p> + And then she laughed the merriest of merry laughs and added, “Daddy, dear, + I am an impulse! And I want you to spare some time for me.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, my love,” said Mr. Davis, smiling upon her, though groaning inwardly + for his lost ideas. “You are beautiful this morning, Helen. What have you + been doing?” + </p> + <p> + “I've had a glorious walk,” replied the girl, “and all kinds of wonderful + adventures; I've had a dance with the morning wind, and a race of a mile + or two with a brook, and I've sung duets with all the flowers,—and + here you are writing uninteresting things!” + </p> + <p> + “It's my sermon, Helen,” said Mr. Davis. + </p> + <p> + “I know it,” said Helen, gravely. + </p> + <p> + “But it must be done for to-morrow,” protested the other. + </p> + <p> + “Half your congregation is going to be so excited about two tallow candles + that it won't know what you preach about,” answered the girl, swinging + herself on the arm of the chair; “and I'm going to sing for the other + half, and so they won't care either. And besides, Daddy, I've got news to + tell you; you've no idea what a good girl I've been.” + </p> + <p> + “How, my love?” + </p> + <p> + “I went to see Mrs. Woodward.” + </p> + <p> + “You didn't!” + </p> + <p> + “Yes; and it was just to show you how dutiful I'm going to be. Daddy, I + felt so sorry for the poor old lady; it is so beautiful to know that one + is doing good and bringing happiness into other people's lives! I think + I'll go and see her often, and carry her something nice if you'll let me.” + </p> + <p> + Helen said all that as gravely as a judge; but Mr. Davis was agreeing so + delightedly that she feared she was carrying the joke too far. She changed + the subject quickly. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, Daddy!” she cried, “I forgot to tell you—I met a genius + to-day!” + </p> + <p> + “A genius?” inquired the other. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Helen, “and I've been walking around with him all morning out + in the woods! Did you never hear that every place like that has a genius?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” assented Mr. Davis, “but I don't understand your joke.” + </p> + <p> + “This was the genius of Hilltown High School,” laughed Helen. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, Arthur!” + </p> + <p> + “Yes; will you believe it, the dear boy had walked all the way from there + to see me; and he waited out by the old seat at the spring!” + </p> + <p> + “But where is he now?” + </p> + <p> + “I don't know,” said Helen. “It's very queer; I left him to go see Mrs. + Woodward. He didn't go with me,” she added, “I don't believe he felt + inclined to charity.” + </p> + <p> + “That is not like Arthur,” said the other. + </p> + <p> + “I'm going to take him in hand, as becomes a clergyman's daughter,” said + Helen demurely; “I'm going to be a model daughter, Daddy—just you + wait and see! I'll visit all your parishioners' lawn-parties and five + o'clock teas for you, and I'll play Handel's Largo and Siegfried's Funeral + March whenever you want to write sermons. Won't you like that?” + </p> + <p> + “Perhaps,” said Mr. Davis, dubiously. + </p> + <p> + “Only I know you'll make blots when I come to the cymbals,” said Helen; + and she doubled up her fists and hummed the passage, and gave so realistic + an imitation of the cymbal-clashes in the great dirge that it almost upset + the chair. Afterwards she laughed one of her merriest laughs and kissed + her father on the forehead. + </p> + <p> + “I heard it at Baireuth,” she said, “and it was just fine! It made your + flesh creep all over you. And oh, Daddy, I brought home a souvenir of + Wagner's grave!” + </p> + <p> + “Did you?” asked Mr. Davis, who knew very little about Wagner. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Helen, “just a pebble I picked up near it; and you ought to + have seen the custom-house officer at the dock yesterday when he was going + through my trunks. 'What's this, Miss?' he asked; I guess he thought it + was a diamond in the rough. 'Oh, that's from Wagner's grave,' I said. And + what do you think the wretch did?” + </p> + <p> + “I'm sure I don't know, my love.” + </p> + <p> + “He threw it back, saying it wasn't worth anything; I think he must have + been a Brahmsite.” + </p> + <p> + “It took the longest time going through all my treasures,” Helen prattled + on, after laughing at her own joke; “you know Aunt Polly let us have + everything we wanted, bless her heart!” + </p> + <p> + “I'm afraid Aunt Polly must have spoiled you,” said the other. + </p> + <p> + “She has,” laughed Helen; “I really think she must mean to make me marry a + rich husband, or else she'd never have left me at that great rich school; + Lucy and I were the 'star-boarders' you know, and we just had everybody to + spoil us. How in the world could you ever manage to spare so much money, + Daddy?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, it was not so much,” said Mr. Davis; “things are cheaper abroad.” (As + a matter of fact, the grimly resolute Aunt Polly had paid two-thirds of + her niece's expenses secretly, besides distributing pocket money with + lavish generosity.) + </p> + <p> + “And you should see the wonderful dresses I've brought from Paris,” Helen + went on. “Oh, Daddy, I tell you I shall be glorious! Aunt Polly's going to + invite a lot of people at her house next week to meet me, and I'm going to + wear the reddest of red, red dresses, and just shine like a lighthouse!” + </p> + <p> + “I'm afraid,” said the clergyman, surveying her with more pride than was + perhaps orthodox, “I'm afraid you'll find it hard to be satisfied in this + poor little home of ours.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, that's all right,” said Helen; “I'll soon get used to it; and + besides, I've got plenty of things to fix it up with—if you'll only + get those dreadful theological works out of the front room! Daddy dear, + you can't imagine how hard it is to bring the Valkyries and Niebelungs + into a theological library.” + </p> + <p> + “I'll see what I can do, my love,” said Mr. Davis. + </p> + <p> + He was silent for a few moments, perhaps wondering vaguely whether it was + well that this commanding young lady should have everything in the world + she desired; Helen, who had her share of penetration, probably divined the + thought, for she made haste to change the subject. + </p> + <p> + “By the way,” she laughed, “we got so interested in our chattering that we + forgot all about Arthur.” + </p> + <p> + “Sure enough,” exclaimed the other. “Pray where can he have gone?” + </p> + <p> + “I don't know,” Helen said; “it's strange. But poets are such queer + creatures!” + </p> + <p> + “Arthur is a very splendid creature,” said Mr. Davis. “You have no idea, + Helen, how hard he has labored since you have been away. He carried off + all the honors at college, and they say he has written some good poetry. I + don't know much about that, but the people who know tell me so.” + </p> + <p> + “It would be gloriously romantic to know a great poet,” said Helen, “and + perhaps have him write poetry about you,—'Helen, thy beauty is to + me,' and 'Sweet Helen, make me immortal with a kiss,' and all sorts of + things like that! He's coming to live with us this summer as usual, isn't + he, Daddy?” + </p> + <p> + “I don't know,” said the other; “I presume he will. But where can he have + gone to-day?” + </p> + <p> + “He acted very queerly,” said the girl; and then suddenly a delighted + smile lit up her face. “Oh, Daddy,” she added, “do you know, I think + Arthur is in love!” + </p> + <p> + “In love!” gasped Mr. Davis. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, in love!” + </p> + <p> + “Pray, with whom?” + </p> + <p> + “I'm sure I can't imagine,” said Helen gravely; “but he seemed so + abstracted, and he seemed to have something to tell me. And then he ran + away!” + </p> + <p> + “That is very strange indeed,” remarked the other. “I shall have to speak + to him about it.” + </p> + <p> + “If he doesn't come back soon, I'll go to look for him,” said the girl; + “I'm not going to let the water nixies run off with my Arthur; there are + such things in that stream, because the song I was singing about it says + so.” And then she chanted as merrily as ever: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Why speak I of a murmur? + No murmur can it be; + The Nixies they are singing + 'Neath the wave their melody!” + </pre> + <p> + “I will tell you what,” said Mr. Davis, rising from his chair as he + realized that the sermon had entirely vanished for the present. “You may + go part of the way with me, and we'll stop in to see the Vails.” + </p> + <p> + “The Vails!” gasped Helen. (Mr. Vail was the village dairyman, whose farm + lay on the outskirts of the town; the village dairyman's family was not + one that Helen cared to visit.) + </p> + <p> + “My love,” said Mr. Davis, “poor Mrs. Vail has been very ill, and she has + three little children, you know. You told me that you liked to bring joy + wherever you could.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, but, Daddy,” protested Helen, “<i>those</i> children are <i>dirty!</i> + Ugh! I saw them as I came by.” + </p> + <p> + “My love,” answered the other, “they are God's children none the less; and + we cannot always help such things.” + </p> + <p> + “But we <i>can</i>, Daddy; there is plenty of water in the world.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, of course; but when the mother is ill, and the father in trouble! + For poor Mr. Vail has had no end of misfortune; he has no resource but the + little dairy, and three of his cows have been ill this spring.” + </p> + <p> + And Helen's incorrigible mirth lighted up her face again. “Oh!” she cried. + “Is <i>that</i> it! I saw him struggling away at the pump as I came by; + but I had no idea it was anything so serious!” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis looked grieved; Helen, when her first burst of glee had passed, + noticed it and changed her mood. She put her arms around her father's neck + and pressed her cheek against his. + </p> + <p> + “Daddy, dear,” she said coaxingly, “haven't I done charity enough for one + day? You will surfeit me at the start, and then I'll be just as little + fond of it as I was before. When I must let dirty children climb all over + me, I can dress for the occasion.” + </p> + <p> + “My dear,” pleaded Mr. Davis, “Godliness is placed before Cleanliness.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” admitted Helen, “and of course it is right for you to inculcate the + greater virtue; but I'm only a girl, and you mustn't expect sublimity from + me. You don't want to turn me into a president of sewing societies, like + that dreadful Mrs. Dale!” + </p> + <p> + “Helen,” protested the other, helplessly, “I wish you would not always + refer to Mrs. Dale with that adjective; she is the best helper I have.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, Daddy,” said Helen, with the utmost solemnity; “when I have a + dreadful eagle nose like hers, perhaps I can preside over meetings too. + But I can't now.” + </p> + <p> + “I do not want you to, my love; but—” + </p> + <p> + “And if I have to cling by the weaker virtue of cleanliness just for a + little while, Daddy, you must not mind. I'll visit all your clean + parishioners for you,—parishioners like Aunt Polly!” + </p> + <p> + And before Mr. Davis could make another remark, the girl had skipped into + the other room to the piano; as her father went slowly out the door, the + echoes of the old house were laughing with the happy melody of Purcell's— + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Nymphs and shepherds, come a-way, come a-way, + Nymphs and shepherds, come a-way, come a-way, Come, + come, come, come a-way! +</pre> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0003" id="link2HCH0003"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER III + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “For you alone I strive to sing, + Oh, tell me how to woo!” + </pre> + <p> + When Helen was left alone, she seated herself before her old music stand + which had been brought down to welcome her, and proceeded to glance over + and arrange the pieces she had learned and loved in her young girlhood. + Most of them made her smile, and when she reflected upon how difficult she + used to think them, she realized that now that it was over she was glad + for the German regime. Helen had accounted herself an accomplished pianist + when she went away, but she had met with new standards and learned to + think humbly of herself in the great home of music. She possessed a + genuine fondness for the art, however, and had devoted most of her three + years to it, so that she came home rejoicing in the possession of a + technic that was quite a mastership compared with any that she was likely + to meet. + </p> + <p> + Helen's thoughts did not dwell upon that very long at present, however; + she found herself thinking again about Arthur, and the unexpected ending + of her walk with him. + </p> + <p> + “I had no idea he felt that way toward me,” she mused, resting her chin in + her hand; “what in the world am I going to do? Men are certainly most + inconvenient creatures; I thought I was doing everything in the world to + make him happy!” + </p> + <p> + Helen turned to the music once more, but the memory of the figure she had + left sunken helplessly upon the forest seat stayed in her mind. “I do + wonder if that can be why he did not wait for me,” she thought, + shuddering,—“if he was too wretched to see me again; what CAN I do?” + She got up and began walking restlessly up and down the room for a few + minutes. + </p> + <p> + “Perhaps I ought to go and look for him,” she mused; “it was an hour or + two ago that I left him there;” and Helen, after thinking the matter over, + had half turned to leave, when she heard a step outside and saw the door + open quickly. Even before she saw him she knew who it was, for only Arthur + would have entered without ringing the bell. After having pictured him + overcome by despair, it was rather a blow to her pride to see him, for he + entered flushed, and seemingly elated. + </p> + <p> + “Well, sir, you've treated me nicely!” she exclaimed, showing her vexation + in spite of herself. + </p> + <p> + “You will forgive me,” said Arthur, smiling. + </p> + <p> + “Don't be too sure of it,” Helen said; “I looked for you everywhere, and I + am quite angry.” + </p> + <p> + “I was obeying your high command,” the other replied, still smiling. + </p> + <p> + “My command? I told you to wait for me.” + </p> + <p> + “You told me something else,” laughed Arthur. “You spent all the morning + instructing me for it, you know.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh!” said Helen. It was a broad and very much prolonged “Oh,” for a + sudden light was dawning upon the girl; as it came her frown gave place to + a look of delight. + </p> + <p> + “You have been writing me a poem!” she cried, eagerly. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Arthur. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, you dear boy!” Helen laughed. “Then I do forgive you; but you ought + to have told me, for I had to walk home all alone, and I've been worrying + about you. I never once thought of the poem.” + </p> + <p> + “The muses call without warning,” laughed Arthur, “and one has to obey + them, you know.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, oh!” exclaimed the other. “And so you've been wandering around the + woods all this time, making verses! And you've been waving your arms and + talking to yourself, and doing all sorts of crazy things, I know!” Then as + she saw Arthur flush, she went on: “I was sure of it! And you ran away so + that I wouldn't see you! Oh, I wish I'd known; I'd have hunted you up and + never come home until I'd found you.” + </p> + <p> + As was usual with Helen, her momentary vexation had gone like April rain, + and all her seriousness had vanished with it. She forgot all about the + last scene in the woods, and Arthur was once more the friend of her + girlhood, whom she might take by the hand when she chose, and with whom + she might be as free and happy as when she was alone with the flowers and + the wind. It seemed as if Arthur too had vented all his pent up emotion, + and returned to his natural cheerful self. + </p> + <p> + “Tell me,” she cried, “did you put in all the things I told you about?” + </p> + <p> + “I put all I could,” said Arthur. “That is a great deal to ask.” + </p> + <p> + “I only want it to be full of life,” laughed Helen. “That's all I care + about; the man who wants to write springtime poetry for me must be wide + awake!” + </p> + <p> + “Shall I read it to you?” asked Arthur, hesitatingly. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, of course,” said Helen. “And read it as if you meant it; if I like + it I'll tell you so.” + </p> + <p> + “I wrote it for nothing but to please you” was the reply, and Arthur took + a much bescrawled piece of paper from his pocket; the girl seated herself + upon the piano stool again and gazed up at him as he rested his elbow upon + the top of the piano and read his lines. There could not have been a + situation in which the young poet would have read them with more complete + happiness, and so it was a pleasure to watch him. And Helen's eyes + kindled, and her cheeks flushed brightly as she listened, for she found + that the verses had taken their imagery from her very lips. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + In the May-time's golden glory + Ere the quivering sun was high, + I heard the Wind of Morning + Through the laughing meadows fly; + + In his passion-song was throbbing + All the madness of the May, + And he whispered: Thou hast labored; + Thou art weary; come away! + + Thou shalt drink a fiery potion + For thy prisoned spirit's pain; + Thou shalt taste the ancient rapture + That thy soul has sought in vain. + + I will tell thee of a maiden, + One who has thy longing fanned— + Spirit of the Forest Music— + Thou shalt take her by the hand, + + Lightly by her rosy fingers + Trembling with her keen delight, + And her flying steps shall lead thee + Out upon the mountain's height; + + To a dance undreamed of mortal + To the Bacchanal of Spring,— + Where in mystic joy united + Nature's bright-eyed creatures sing. + + There the green things of the mountain, + Million-voiced, newly-born, + And the flowers of the valley + In their beauty's crimson morn; + + There the winged winds of morning, + Spirits unresting, touched with fire, + And the streamlets, silver-throated, + They whose leaping steps ne'er tire! + + Thou shalt see them, ever circling + Round about a rocky spring, + While the gaunt old forest-warriors + Madly their wide branches fling. + + Thou shalt tread the whirling measure, + Bathe thee in its frenzied strife; + Thou shalt have a mighty memory + For thy spirit's after life. + + Haste thee while thy heart is burning, + While thine eyes have strength to see; + Hark, behind yon blackening cloud-bank, + To the Storm-King's minstrelsy! + + See, he stamps upon the mountains, + And he leaps the valleys high! + Now he smites his forest harp-strings, + And he sounds his thunder-cry:— + + Waken, lift ye up, ye creatures, + Sing the song, each living thing! + Join ye in the mighty passion + Of the Symphony of Spring! +</pre> + <p> + And so the young poet finished, his cheeks fairly on fire, and, as he + gazed down at Helen, his hand trembling so that he could hardly hold the + paper. One glance told him that she was pleased, for the girl's face was + flushed like his own, and her eyes were sparkling with delight. Arthur's + heart gave a great throb within him. + </p> + <p> + “You like it!” he exclaimed. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, Arthur, I do!” she cried. “Oh, how glorious you must have been!” And + trembling with girlish delight, she took the paper from his hand and + placed it in front of her on the music rack. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, I should like to write music for it!” she exclaimed; “for those lines + about the Storm-King!” + </p> + <p> + And she read them aloud, clenching her hands and shaking her head, carried + away by the image they brought before her eyes. “Oh, I should like music + for it!” she cried again. + </p> + <p> + “I don't know very much about poetry, you know,” she added, laughing + excitedly. “If it's about the things I like, I can't help thinking it's + fine. It's just the same with music,—if a man only makes it swift + and strong, so that it leaps and flies and never tires, that is all I care + about; and if he just keeps his trombones till the very last, he can carry + me off my feet though he makes the worst noise that ever was! It's the + same as a storm, you know, Arthur; do you remember how we used to go up on + our hillside when the great wind was coming, and when everything was + growing still and black; and how we used to watch the big clouds and the + sheets of rain, and run for home when we heard the thunder? Once when you + were away, Arthur, I didn't run, for I wanted to see what it was like; and + I stayed up there and saw it all, singing the 'Ride of the Valkyries,' and + pretending I was one of them and could gallop with the wind. For the wind + is fine, Arthur! It fills you so full of its power that you stretch out + your arms to it, and it makes you sing; and it comes, and it comes again, + stronger than ever, and it sweeps you on, just like a great mass of music. + And then it howls through the trees and it flies over the valleys,—that + was what you were thinking of, weren't you, Arthur?” + </p> + <p> + And Helen stopped, breathlessly, and gazed at him; her cheeks were + flushed, and her hands still tightly clasped. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Arthur, half mechanically, for he had lost himself in the + girl's enthusiasm, and felt the storm of his verses once more. + </p> + <p> + “Your poem made me think of that one time that was so gloriously,” Helen + went on. “For the rain was almost blinding, and I was drenched, but I did + not even know it. For oh, the thunder! Arthur, you've no idea what thunder + is like till you're near it! There fell one fearful bolt quite near me, a + great white, living thing, as thick as a man's body, and the crash of it + seemed to split the air. But oh, I didn't mind it a bit! 'Der Sanger + triumphirt in Wettern!' I think I was a real Valkyrie that time, and I + only wished that I might put it into music.” + </p> + <p> + The girl turned to the piano, and half in play struck a great rumbling + chord, that rolled and echoed through the room; she sounded it once more, + laughing aloud with glee. Arthur had sunk down upon a chair beside her, + and was bending forward, watching her with growing excitement. For again + and again Helen struck the keys with all the power of her arms, until they + seemed to give forth real storm and thunder; and as she went on with her + reckless play the mood grew upon her, and she lost herself in the vision + of the Storm-King sweeping through the sky. She poured out a great stream + of his wild music, singing away to herself excitedly in the meantime. And + as the rush continued and the fierce music swelled louder, the phantasy + took hold of the girl and carried her beyond herself. She seemed to become + the very demon of the storm, unbound and reckless; she smote the keys with + right royal strength, and the piano seemed a thing of life beneath her + touch. The pace became faster, and the thunder rattled and crashed more + wildly, and there awoke in the girl's soul a power of musical utterance + that she had never dreamed of in her life before. Her whole being was + swept away in ecstasy; her lips were moving excitedly, and her pulses were + leaping like mad. She seemed no longer to know of the young man beside + her, who was bent forward with clenched hands, carried beyond himself by + the sight of her exulting power. + </p> + <p> + And in the meantime, Helen's music was surging on, building itself up into + a great climax that swelled and soared and burst in a deafening thunder + crash; and while the air was still throbbing and echoing with it, the girl + joined to it her deep voice, grown suddenly conscious of new power: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “See, he stamps upon the mountains, + And he leaps the valleys high! + Now he smites his forest harp-strings, + And he sounds his thunder cry!” + </pre> + <p> + And as the cry came the girl laughed aloud, like a very Valkyrie indeed, + her laugh part of the music, and carried on by it; and then gradually as + the tempest swept on, the rolling thunder was lost in a march that was the + very tread of the Storm-King. And the march broadened, and the thunder + died out of it slowly, and all the wild confusion, and then it rose, + glorious and triumphant, and turned to a mighty pean, a mightier one than + ever Helen could have made. The thought of it had come to her as an + inspiration, and as a refuge, that the glory of her passion might not be + lost. The march had led her to it, and now it had taken her in its arms + and swept her away, as it had swept millions by its majesty. It was the + great Ninth Symphony Hymn: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Hail thee, Joy! From Heaven descending, + Daughter from Elysium! + Ecstasy our hearts inflaming, + To thy sacred shrine we come. + Thine enchantments bind together + Those whom custom's law divides; + All are brothers, all united, + Where thy gentle wing abides.” + </pre> + <p> + And Helen sang it as one possessed by it, as one made drunk with its glory—as + the very Goddess of Joy that she was. For the Storm-King and his legions + had fled, and another vision had come into her heart, a vision that every + one ought to carry with him when the great symphony is to be heard. He + should see the hall in Vienna where it was given for the last time in the + great master's life, and see the great master himself, the bowed and + broken figure that all musicians worship, standing up to conduct it; and + see him leading it through all its wild surging passion, almost too + frantic to be endured; and then, when the last towering climax has passed + and the music has ceased and the multitude at his back has burst forth + into its thundering shout, see the one pathetic figure standing there + aloft before all eyes and still blindly beating the time. There must have + been tears in the eyes of every man in that place to know the reason for + it,—that he from whose heart all their joy had come, he who was lord + and master of it, had never heard in his life and could never hope to hear + one sound of that music he had written, but must dwell a prisoner in + darkness and solitude forever. + </p> + <p> + That was the picture before Helen's eyes; she did not think of the fearful + tragedy of it—she had no feeling for tragedy, she knew no more about + suffering than a child just born. But joy she knew, and joy she was; she + was the multitude lifted up in its ecstasy, throbbing, burning and + triumphant, and she sang the great choruses, one after another, and the + piano beneath her fingers thundered and rang with the instrumental part. + Surely in all music there is no utterance of joy so sustained and so + overwhelming in its intensity as this; it is a frenzy almost more than man + can stand; it is joy more than human—the joy of existence:— + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Pleasure every creature living + From kind Nature's breast receives; + Good and evil, all are seeking + For the rosy path she leaves.” + </pre> + <p> + And so the torrent of passionate exultation swept Helen onward with it + until the very end, the last frantic prestissimo chorus, and then she + sprang to her feet and flung up her hands with a cry. She stood thus for a + moment, glowing with exultation, and then she sank down again and sat + staring before her, the music still echoing through every fiber of her + soul, and the shouting multitude still surging before her. + </p> + <p> + For just how long that lasted, she knew not, but only that her wild mood + was gradually subsiding, and that she felt herself sinking back, as a bird + sinks after its flight; then suddenly she turned. Arthur was at her side, + and she gave a cry, for he had seized her hand in his, and was covering it + with burning kisses. + </p> + <p> + “Arthur! Arthur!” she gasped. + </p> + <p> + The young man gazed up at her, and Helen remembered the scene in the + forest, and realized what she had done. She had shaken him to the very + depths of his being by the emotion which she had flung loose before him, + and he seemed beside himself at that moment, his hair disordered and his + forehead hot and flushed. He made a move as if to clasp the girl in his + arms, and Helen tore her hand loose by main force and sprang back to the + doorway. + </p> + <p> + “Arthur!” she cried. “What do you mean?” + </p> + <p> + He clutched at a chair for support, and stood staring at her. For fully a + minute they remained thus, Helen trembling with alarm; then his head sank, + and he flung himself down upon the sofa, where he lay sobbing + passionately. Helen remained gazing at him with wide open and astonished + eyes. + </p> + <p> + “Arthur!” she exclaimed again. + </p> + <p> + But he did not hear her, for the cruel sobbing that shook his frame. + Helen, as soon as her first alarm had passed, came softly nearer, till she + stood by the sofa; but still he did not heed her, and she did not dare + even to put her hand upon his shoulder. She was afraid of him, her dearest + friend, and she knew not what to make of him. + </p> + <p> + “Arthur,” she whispered again, when he was silent for a moment. “Please + speak to me, Arthur.” + </p> + <p> + The other gazed up at her with a look of such helpless despair and longing + upon his face that Helen was frightened still more. He had been sobbing as + if his heart would break, but his eyes were dry. + </p> + <p> + “What is the matter?” she cried. + </p> + <p> + The young man answered her hoarsely: “Can you not see what is the matter, + Helen? I love you! And you drive me mad!” + </p> + <p> + The girl turned very pale, and lowered her eyes before his burning gaze. + </p> + <p> + “Helen,” the other went on impetuously, “you will break my heart if you + treat me in this way. Do you not know that for three long years I have + been dreaming of you, and of the promise that you gave me? You told me + that you loved me, and that you always would love me! You told me that the + night before you went away; and you kissed me. All this time I have been + thinking of that kiss, and cherishing the memory of it, and waiting for + you to return. I have labored for no other reason, I have had no other + hope in the world; I have kept your image before me, and lived in it, and + worshiped before it, and the thought of you has been all that I had. When + I was tired and worn and ill I could only think of you and remember your + promise, and count the days before your return. And, oh, it has been so + long that I could not stand it! For weeks I have been so impatient, and so + filled with the thought of the day when I might see you again that I have + been helpless and half mad; for I thought that I should take your hand in + mine and claim your promise. And this morning I wandered about the woods + for hours, waiting for you to come. And see how you have treated me!” + </p> + <p> + He buried his face in his hands again, and Helen stood gazing at him, + breathing very fast with alarm, and unable to find a word to say. + </p> + <p> + “Helen,” he groaned, without looking up again, “do you not know that you + are beautiful? Have you no heart? You fling your soul bare before me, and + you fill me with this fearful passion; you will drive me mad!” + </p> + <p> + “But, Arthur,” she protested, “I could not think of you so; I thought of + you as my brother, and I meant to make you happy.” + </p> + <p> + “Tell me, then,” he gasped, staring at her, “tell me once for all. You do + <i>not</i> love me, Helen?” + </p> + <p> + The girl answered with a frank gaze that was cruel, “No, Arthur.” + </p> + <p> + “And you can never love me? You take back the promise that you made me?” + </p> + <p> + “I told you that I was only a child, Arthur; it has been a long time since + I have thought of it.” + </p> + <p> + The young man choked back a sob. “Oh, Helen, if you only knew what cruel + words those are,” he groaned. “I cannot bear them.” + </p> + <p> + He gazed at her with his burning eyes, so that the girl lowered hers + again. “Tell me!” he exclaimed. “What am I to do?” + </p> + <p> + “Can we not remain friends, just as we used to be?” she asked pleadingly. + “Can we not talk together and help each other as before? Oh, Arthur, I + thought you would come here to live all summer, and how I should like it! + Why can you not? Can you not let me play for you without—without—” + and Helen stopped, and flushed a trifle; “I do not know quite what to make + of you to-day,” she added. + </p> + <p> + She was speaking kindly, but to the man beside her with his burning heart, + her words were hard to hear; he stared at her, shuddering, and then + suddenly he clenched his hands and started to his feet. + </p> + <p> + “Helen,” he cried, “there is but one thing. I must go!” + </p> + <p> + “Go?” echoed Helen. + </p> + <p> + “If I stay here and gaze at you I shall go mad with despair,” he exclaimed + incoherently. “Oh, I shall go mad! For I do love you, and you talk to me + as if I were a child! Helen, I must get this out of my heart in some way, + I cannot stay here.” + </p> + <p> + “But, Arthur,” the girl protested, “I told father you would stay, and you + will make yourself ill, for you have walked all day.” + </p> + <p> + Every word she uttered was more torment to the other, for it showed him + how much his hopes were gone to wreck. He rushed across the room and + opened the door; then, however, he paused, as if that had cost him all his + resolution. He gazed at the girl with a look of unspeakable yearning, his + face white, and his limbs trembling beneath him. + </p> + <p> + “You wish me to go, Helen?” he exclaimed. + </p> + <p> + “Wish you!” exclaimed Helen, who was watching him in alarm. “Of course + not; I want you to stay and see father, and—” + </p> + <p> + “And hear you tell me that you do not love me! Oh, Helen, how can you say + it again? Can you not see what you have done to me?” + </p> + <p> + “Arthur!” cried the girl. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, what you have done to me! You have made me so that I dare not stay + near you. You <i>must</i> love me, Helen, oh, some time you must!” And he + came toward her again, stretching out his arms to her. As she sprang back, + frowning, he stopped and stood for an instant, half sinking; then he + whirled about and darted out of the door. + </p> + <p> + Helen was scarcely able to realize at first that he was gone, but when she + looked out she saw that he was already far down the street, walking + swiftly. For a moment she thought of calling him; but she checked herself, + and closed the door quietly instead, after which she walked slowly across + the room. In the center of it she stopped still, gazing in front of her + thoughtfully, and looking very grave indeed. “That is dreadful,” she said + slowly. “I had no idea of such a thing. What in the world am I to do?” + </p> + <p> + There was a tall mirror between the two windows of the room, and Helen + went toward it and stood in front of it, gazing earnestly at herself. “Is + it true, then, that I am so very beautiful?” she mused. “And even Arthur + must fall in love with me!” + </p> + <p> + Helen's face was still flushed with the glory of her ride with the + Storm-King; she smoothed back the long strands of golden hair that had + come loose, and then she looked at herself again. “It is dreadful,” she + said once more, half aloud, “I do not think I ever felt so nervous in my + life, and I don't know what to do; everything I did to please him seemed + only to make him more miserable. I wanted him to be happy with me; I + wanted him to stay with me.” And she walked away frowning, and seated + herself at the piano and began peevishly striking at the keys. “I am going + to write to him and tell him that he must get over that dreadfulness,” she + muttered after a while, “and come back and be friends with me. Oakdale + will be too stupid without him all summer, and I should be miserable.” + </p> + <p> + She was just rising impatiently when the front door opened and her father + came in, exclaiming in a cheery voice, “Well, children!” Then he stopped + in surprise. “Why, someone told me Arthur was here!” he exclaimed. + </p> + <p> + “He's gone home again,” said Helen, in a dissatisfied tone. + </p> + <p> + “Home!” exclaimed the other. “To Hilltown?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + “But I thought he was going to stay until tomorrow.” + </p> + <p> + “So did I,” said Helen, “but he changed his mind and decided that he'd + better not.” + </p> + <p> + “Why, I am really disappointed,” said Mr. Davis. “I thought we should have + a little family party; I haven't seen Arthur for a month.” + </p> + <p> + “There is some important reason,” said Helen—“that's what he told + me, anyway.” She did not want her father to have any idea of the true + reason, or to ask any inconvenient questions. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis would perhaps have done so, had he not something else on his + mind. “By the way, Helen,” he said, “I must ask you, what in the world was + that fearful noise you were making?” + </p> + <p> + “Noise?” asked Helen, puzzled for a moment. + </p> + <p> + “Why, yes; I met old Mr. Nelson coming down the street, and he said that + you were making a most dreadful racket upon the piano, and shouting, too, + and that there were a dozen people standing in the street, staring!” + </p> + <p> + A sudden wild thought occurred to Helen, and she whirled about. Sure + enough, she found the two windows of the room wide open; and that was too + much for her gravity; she flung herself upon the sofa and gave vent to + peal after peal of laughter. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, Daddy!” she gasped. “Oh, Daddy!” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis did not understand the joke, but he waited patiently, taking off + his gloves in the meantime. “What it is, Helen?” he enquired. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, Daddy!” exclaimed the girl again, and lifted herself up and turned + her laughing eyes upon him. “And now I understand why inspired people have + to live in the country!” + </p> + <p> + “What was it, Helen?” + </p> + <p> + “It—it wasn't anything, Daddy, except that I was playing and singing + for Arthur, and I forgot to close the windows.” + </p> + <p> + “You must remember, my love, that you live in a clergyman's house,” said + Mr. Davis. “I have no objection to merriment, but it must be within + bounds. Mr. Nelson said that he did not know what to think was the + matter.” + </p> + <p> + Helen made a wry face at the name; the Nelsons were a family of Methodists + who lived across the way. Methodists are people who take life seriously as + a rule, and Helen thought the Nelsons were very queer indeed. + </p> + <p> + “I'll bet he did know what to think,” she chuckled, “even if he didn't say + it; he thought that was just what to expect from a clergyman who had a + decanter of wine on his dinner table.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis could not help smiling. And as for Helen, she was herself all + over again; for when her father had come in, she had about reached a point + where she could no longer bear to be serious and unhappy. As he went on to + ask her to be a little less reckless, Helen put her arms around him and + said, with the solemnity that she always wore when she was gayest: “But, + Daddy, I don't know what I'm to do; you sent me to Germany to study music, + and if I'm never to play it—” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, but Helen; such frantic, dreadful noise!” + </p> + <p> + “But, Daddy, the Germans are emotional people, you know; no one would have + been in the least surprised at that in Germany; it was a hymn, Daddy!” + </p> + <p> + “A hymn!” gasped Mr. Davis. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, honestly,” said Helen. “It is a wonderful hymn. Every German knows + it nearly by heart.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis had as much knowledge of German music as might be expected of + one who had lived twenty years in the country and heard three hymns and an + anthem sung every Sunday by a volunteer choir. Helen's musical education, + as all her other education, had been superintended by Aunt Polly, and the + only idea that came to Mr. Davis' mind was of Wagner, whose name he had + heard people talk about in connection with noise and incoherency. + </p> + <p> + “Helen,” he said, “I trust that is not the kind of hymn you are going to + sing to-morrow.” + </p> + <p> + “I don't know,” was the puzzled reply. “I'll see what I can do, Daddy. + It's dreadfully hard to find anything in German music like the slow-going, + practical lives that we dull Yankees lead.” Then a sudden idea occurred to + the girl, and she ran to the piano with a gleeful laugh: “Just see, for + instance,” she said, fumbling hurriedly amongst her music, “I was playing + the Moonlight Sonata this morning, and that's a good instance.” + </p> + <p> + “This is the kind of moonlight they have in Germany,” she laughed when she + found it. After hammering out a few discords of her own she started + recklessly into the incomprehensible “presto,” thundering away at every + crescendo as if to break her fingers. “Isn't it fine, Daddy?” she cried, + gazing over her shoulder. + </p> + <p> + “I don't see what it has to do with the moon,” said the clergyman, gazing + helplessly at the open window, and wondering if another crowd was + gathering. + </p> + <p> + “That's what everybody's been trying to find out!” said Helen; then, as + she heard the dinner bell out in the hall, she ended with half a dozen + frantic runs, and jumping up with the last of them, took her father's arm + and danced out of the room with him. + </p> + <p> + “Perhaps when we come to see the other side of the moon,” she said, “we + may discover all about it. Or else it's because the moon is supposed to + set people crazy.” So they passed in to dinner, where Helen was as + animated as ever, poor Arthur and his troubles seeming to have vanished + completely from her thoughts. + </p> + <p> + In fact, it was not until the meal was nearly over that she spoke of them + again; she noticed that it was growing dark outside, and she stepped to + the window just as a distant rumble of thunder was heard. + </p> + <p> + “Dear me!” she exclaimed. “There's a fearful storm coming, and poor Arthur + is out in it; he must be a long way from town by this time, and there is + no house where he can go.” From the window where she stood she had a view + across the hills in back of the town, and could see the black clouds + coming swiftly on. “It is like we were imagining this morning,” she mused; + “I wonder if he will think of it.” + </p> + <p> + The dinner was over soon after that, and she looked out again, just as the + first drops of rain were falling; the thunder was rolling louder, bringing + to Helen a faint echo of her morning music. She went in and sat down at + the piano, her fingers roaming over the keys hesitatingly. “I wish I could + get it again,” she mused. “It seems like a dream when I think of it, it + was so wild and so wonderful. Oh, if I could only remember that march!” + </p> + <p> + There came a crash of thunder near by, as if to help her, but Helen found + that all efforts were in vain. Neither the storm music nor the march came + back to her, and even when she played a few chords of the great chorus she + had sung, it sounded tame and commonplace. Helen knew that the glory of + that morning was gone where goes the best inspiration of all humanity, + back into nothingness and night. + </p> + <p> + “It was a shame,” she thought, as she rose discontentedly from the piano. + “I never was so carried away by music in my life, and the memory of it + would have kept me happy for weeks, if Arthur hadn't been here to trouble + me!” + </p> + <p> + Then, however, as she went to the window again to watch the storm which + was now raging in all its majesty, she added more unselfishly: “Poor boy! + It is dreadful to think of him being out in it.” She saw a bolt of + lightning strike in the distance, and she waited breathlessly for the + thunder. It was a fearful crash, and it made her blood run faster, and her + eyes sparkle. “My!” she exclaimed. “But it's fine!” And then she added + with a laugh, “He can correct his poem by it, if he wants to!” + </p> + <p> + She turned to go upstairs. On the way she stopped with a rather + conscience-stricken look, and said to herself, “Poor fellow! It seems a + shame to be happy!” She stood for a moment thinking, but then she added, + “Yet I declare, I don't know what to do for him; it surely isn't my fault + if I am not in love with him in that mad fashion, and I don't see why I + should make myself wretched about it!” Having thus silenced her + conscience, she went up to unpack her trunks, humming to herself on the + way: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Sir Knight, a faithful sister's love + This heart devotes to thee; + I pray thee ask no other love, + For pain that causes me. + + “Quiet would I see thee come, + And quiet see thee go; + The silent weeping of thine eyes + I cannot bear to know.” + </pre> + <p> + While she was singing Arthur was in the midst of the tempest, staggering + towards his home ten miles away. He was drenched by the cold rain, and + shivering and almost fainting from exhaustion—for he had eaten + nothing since early dawn; yet so wretched and sick at heart was he that he + felt nothing, and scarcely heard the storm or realized where he was. + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0004" id="link2HCH0004"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER IV + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Dosn't thou 'ear my 'erse's legs, as they canters awaay? + Proputty, proputty, proputty—that's what I 'ears 'em saay. + + But I knawed a Quaaker feller as often 'as towd ma this: + 'Doant thou marry for munny, but goa wheer munny is!'” + </pre> + <p> + Helen had much to do to keep her busy during the next few days. She had in + the first place to receive visits from nearly everybody in Oakdale, for + she was a general favorite in the town, and besides that everyone was + curious to see what effect the trip had had upon her beauty and + accomplishments. Then too, she had the unpacking of an incredible number + of trunks; it was true that Helen, having been a favored boarder at an + aristocratic seminary, was not in the habit of doing anything troublesome + herself, but she considered it necessary to superintend the servant. Last + of all there was a great event at the house of her aunt, Mrs. Roberts, to + be anticipated and prepared for. + </p> + <p> + It has been said that the marriage of Mr. Davis had been a second romance + in that worthy man's career, he having had the fortune to win the love of + a daughter of a very wealthy family which lived near Oakdale. The parents + had of course been bitterly opposed to the match, but the girl had had her + way. Unfortunately, however, the lovers, or at any rate the bride, having + been without any real idea of duty or sacrifice, the match had proved one + of those that serve to justify the opinions of people who are “sensible;” + the young wife, wearying of the lot she had chosen, had sunk into a state + of peevish discontent from which death came to relieve her. + </p> + <p> + Of this prodigal daughter Aunt Polly was the elder, and wiser, sister. She + had never ceased to urge upon the other, both before and after marriage, + the folly of her conduct, and had lived herself to be a proof of her own + more excellent sense, having married a wealthy stockbroker who proved a + good investment, trebling his own capital and hers in a few years. Aunt + Polly therefore had a fine home upon Madison Avenue in New York, and a + most aristocratic country-seat a few miles from Oakdale, together with the + privilege of frequenting the best society in New York, and of choosing her + friends amongst the most wealthy in the neighborhood of the little town. + This superiority to her erring sister had probably been one of the causes + that had contributed to develop the most prominent trait in her character—which + is perhaps the most prominent trait of high society in general—a + complete satisfaction with the world she knew, and what she knew about it, + and the part she played in it. For the rest, Aunt Polly was one of those + bustling little women who rule the world in almost everything, because the + world finds it is too much trouble to oppose them. She had assumed, and + had generally succeeded in having recognized, a complete superiority to + Mr. Davis in her knowledge about life, with the result that, as has been + stated, the education of the one child of the unfortunate marriage had + been managed by her. + </p> + <p> + When, therefore, Helen had come off the steamer, it had been Mrs. Roberts + who was there to meet her; and the arrangement announced was that the girl + was to have three days to spend with her father, and was then to come for + a week or two at her aunt's, who was just opening her country home and who + intended to invite a score of people whom she considered, for reasons of + her own, proper persons for her niece to meet. Mrs. Roberts spoke very + condescendingly indeed of the company which Helen met at her father's, Mr. + Davis having his own opinions about the duty of a clergyman toward the + non-aristocratic members of his flock. + </p> + <p> + The arrangement, it is scarcely necessary to say, pleased Helen very much + indeed; the atmosphere of luxury and easy superiority which she found at + her aunt's was much to her taste, and she looked forward to being a center + of attraction there with the keenest delight. In the meantime, however, + she slaked her thirst for happiness just as well at Oakdale, accepting + with queenly grace the homage of all who came to lay their presents at her + feet. Sunday proved to be a day of triumph, for all the town had come to + church, and was as much stirred by the glory of her singing as Arthur had + predicted. After the service everyone waited to tell her about it, and so + she was radiant indeed. + </p> + <p> + By Tuesday, however, all that had come to seem a trifling matter, for that + afternoon Aunt Polly was to come, and a new world was to be opened for her + conquest. Helen was amusing herself by sorting out the motley collection + of souvenirs and curios which she had brought home to decorate her room, + when she heard a carriage drive up at the door, and a minute later heard + the voice of Mrs. Roberts' footman in the hall. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Roberts herself did not alight, and Helen kept her waiting only long + enough to slip on her hat, and to bid her father a hurried farewell. In a + minute more she was in the carriage, and was being borne in state down the + main street of Oakdale. + </p> + <p> + “You are beautiful to-day, my dear,” said her aunt, beaming upon her; “I + hope you are all ready for your triumph.” + </p> + <p> + “I think so,” said Helen. “I've about seen everybody and everything I + wanted to at home; I've been wonderfully happy, Auntie.” + </p> + <p> + “That is right, my dear,” said Aunt Polly. “You have certainly every cause + to be, and you would be foolish not to make the most of it. But I should + think this town would seem a somewhat less important place to you, after + all that you have seen of the world.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, it does a little,” laughed Helen, “but it seemed good to see all the + old people again.” + </p> + <p> + “Someone told me they saw Arthur here on Saturday,” said the other. “Did + you see <i>him?</i>” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, yes,” said Helen; “that's what he came for. You can fancy how glad I + was to meet him. I spent a couple of hours walking in the woods with him.” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Roberts' look of dismay may be imagined; it was far too great for her + to hide. + </p> + <p> + “Where is he now?” she asked, hastily. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, he has gone home,” said Helen; and she added, smiling, “he went on + Saturday afternoon, because he's writing a poem about thunderstorms, and + he wanted to study that one.” + </p> + <p> + The other was sufficiently convinced of the irresponsibility of poets to + be half uncertain whether Helen was joking or not; it was very frequently + difficult to tell, anyway, for Helen would look serious and amuse herself + by watching another person's mystification—a trait of character + which would have been intolerable in anyone less fascinating than she. + </p> + <p> + Perhaps Aunt Polly thought something of that as she sat and watched the + girl. Aunt Polly was a little woman who looked as if she herself might + have once made some pretense to being a belle, but she was very humble + before Helen. “My dear,” she said, “every minute that I watch you, I am + astonished to see how wonderfully you have grown. Do you know, Helen, you + are glorious!” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Helen, smiling delightedly. “Isn't it nice, Aunt Polly? I'm so + glad I'm beautiful.” + </p> + <p> + “You funny child,” laughed the other. “What a queer thing to say!” + </p> + <p> + “Am I not to know I am beautiful?” inquired Helen, looking at her with + open eyes. “Why, dear me! I can look at myself in the glass and be just as + happy as anyone else; I love everything beautiful.” + </p> + <p> + Aunt Polly beamed upon her. “I am glad of it, my dear,” she laughed. “I + only wish I could say something to you to make you realize what your + wonderful beauty means.” + </p> + <p> + “How, Aunt Polly?” asked the girl. “Have you been reading poetry?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said the other, “not exactly; but you know very well in your heart + what hopes I have for you, Helen, and I only wish you could appreciate the + gift that has been given you, and not fling it away in any foolish + fashion. With your talents and your education, my dear, there is almost + nothing that you might not do.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Helen, with all of her seriousness, “I often think of it; + perhaps, Auntie, I might become a poetess!” + </p> + <p> + The other looked aghast. Helen had seen the look on her aunt's face at the + mention of her walk with Arthur, and being a young lady of electrical wit, + had understood just what it meant, and just how the rest of the + conversation was intended to bear upon the matter; with that advantage she + was quite in her glory. + </p> + <p> + “No, indeed, Aunt Polly,” she said, “you can never tell; just suppose, for + instance, I were to fall in love with and marry a man of wonderful genius, + who would help me to devote myself to art? It would not make any + difference, you know, if he were poor—we could struggle and help + each other. And oh, I tell you, if I were to meet such a man, and to know + that he loved me truly, and to have proof that he could remember me and be + true to me, even when I was far away, oh, I tell you, nothing could ever + keep me—” + </p> + <p> + Helen was declaiming her glowing speech with real fervor, her hands + dramatically outstretched. But she could not get any further, for the look + of utter horror upon her auditor's face was too much for her; she dropped + her hands and made the air echo with her laughter. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, Aunt Polly, you goose!” she cried, flinging one arm about her, “have + you really forgotten me that much in three years?” + </p> + <p> + The other was so relieved at the happy denouement of that fearful tragedy + that she could only protest, “Helen, Helen, why do you fool me so?” + </p> + <p> + “Because you fool me, or try to,” said Helen. “When you have a sermon to + preach on the impropriety of walking in the woods alone with a susceptible + young poet, I wish you'd mount formally into the pulpit and begin with the + text.” + </p> + <p> + “My dear,” laughed the other, “you are too quick; but I must confess—” + </p> + <p> + “Of course you must,” said the girl; and she folded her hands meekly and + looked grave. “And now I am ready; and if you meet with any difficulties + in the course of your sermon, I've an expert at home who has preached one + hundred and four every year for twenty years, all genuine and no two + alike.” + </p> + <p> + “Helen,” said the other, “I do wish you would talk seriously with me. You + are old enough to be your own mistress now, and to do as you please, but + you ought to realize that I have seen the world more than you, and that my + advice is worth something.” + </p> + <p> + “Tell it to me,” said Helen, ceasing to laugh, and leaning back in the + carriage and gazing at her aunt. “What do you want me to do, now that I am + home? I will be really serious if you wish me to, for that does interest + me. I suppose that my education is finished?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said the other, “it ought to be, certainly; you have had every + advantage that a girl can have, a great deal more than I ever had. And you + owe it all to me, Helen,—you do, really; if it hadn't been for my + insisting you'd have gotten all your education at Hilltown, and you'd have + played the piano and sung like Mary Nelson across the way.” + </p> + <p> + Helen shuddered, and felt that that was cause indeed for gratitude. + </p> + <p> + “It is true,” said her aunt; “I've taken as much interest in you as in any + one of my own children, and you must know it. It was for no reason at all + but that I saw what a wonderful woman you promised to become, and I was + anxious to help you to the social position that I thought you ought to + have. And now, Helen, the chance is yours if you care to take it.” + </p> + <p> + “I am taking it, am I not?” asked Helen; “I'm going with you, and I shall + be just as charming as I can.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, I know,” said the other, smiling a little; “but that is not exactly + what I mean.” + </p> + <p> + “What do you mean?” + </p> + <p> + “Of course, my dear, you may enter good society a while by visiting me; + but that will not be permanently. You will have to marry into it, Helen + dear.” + </p> + <p> + “Marry!” echoed the girl, taken aback. “Dear me!” + </p> + <p> + “You will wish to marry some time,” said the other, “and so you should + look forward to it and choose your course. With your charms, Helen, there + is almost nothing that you might not hope for; you must know yourself that + you could make any man fall in love with you that you wished. And you + ought to know also that if you only had wealth you could enter any + society; for you have good birth, and you will discover that you have more + knowledge and more wit than most of the people you meet.” + </p> + <p> + “I've discovered that already,” said Helen, laughing. + </p> + <p> + “All that you must do, my love,” went on the other, “is to realize what is + before you, and make up your mind to what you want. You know that your + tastes are not those of a poor woman; you have been accustomed to comfort, + and you need refinement and wealth; you could never be happy unless you + could entertain your friends properly, and live as you pleased.” + </p> + <p> + “But I don't want to marry a man just for his money,” protested the girl, + not altogether pleased with her aunt's business-like view. + </p> + <p> + “No one wants you to,” the other responded; “you may marry for love if you + like; but it is not impossible to love a rich man, is it, Helen?” + </p> + <p> + “But, Aunt Polly,” said Helen, “I am satisfied as I am now. I do not want + to marry anybody. The very idea makes me shudder.” + </p> + <p> + “I am not in the least anxious that you should,” was the answer. “You are + young, and you may choose your own time. All I am anxious for is that you + should realize the future that is before you. It is dreadful to me to + think that you might throw your precious chance away by some ridiculous + folly.” + </p> + <p> + Helen looked at her aunt for a moment, and then the irrepressible smile + broke out. + </p> + <p> + “What is the matter, child?” asked the other. + </p> + <p> + “Nothing, except that I was thinking about how these thoughts were brought + up.” + </p> + <p> + “How do you mean?” + </p> + <p> + “Apropos of my woodland walk with poor Arthur. Auntie, I do believe you're + afraid I'm going to fall in love with the dear fellow.” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said Aunt Polly; “it is not exactly that, for I'd never be able to + sleep at night if I thought you capable of anything quite so ghastly. But + we must have some care of what people will think, my dear Helen.” + </p> + <p> + As a matter of fact, Aunt Polly did have some very serious fears about the + matter, as has been hinted before; it was, perhaps, a kind of tribute to + the divine fire which even society's leaders pay. If it had been a + question of a person of her own sense and experience, the word “genius” + would have suggested no danger to Mrs. Roberts, but it was different with + a young and probably sentimental person like Helen, with her inflaming + beauty. + </p> + <p> + “As a matter of fact, Aunt Polly,” said Helen, “everybody understands my + intimacy with Arthur.” + </p> + <p> + “Tell me, Helen dear,” said the other, turning her keen glance upon her; + “tell me the honest truth.” + </p> + <p> + “About what?” + </p> + <p> + “You are not in love with Arthur?” + </p> + <p> + And Helen answered her with her eyes very wide open: “No, I certainly am + not in the least.” + </p> + <p> + And the other drew secretly a great breath of relief. “Is he in love with + you, Helen?” she asked. + </p> + <p> + As Helen thought of Arthur's departure, the question could not but bring a + smile. “I—I'm afraid he is,” she said.—“a very little.” + </p> + <p> + “What a ridiculous impertinence!” exclaimed the other, indignantly. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, that's all right, Auntie,” said Helen; “he really can't help it, you + know.” She paused for a moment, and then she went on: “Such things used to + puzzle me when I was very young, and I used to think them quite exciting; + but I'm getting used to them now. All the men seem to fall in love with + me,—they do, honestly, and I don't know how in the world to help it. + They all will make themselves wretched, and I'm sure it isn't my fault. I + haven't told you anything about my German lovers, have I, Auntie?” + </p> + <p> + “Gracious, no!” said the other; “were there any?” + </p> + <p> + “Any?” laughed the girl. “I might have robbed the Emperor of a whole + colonel's staff, and the colonel at the head of it. But I'll tell you + about Johann, the funniest one of all; I think he really loved me more + than all the rest.” + </p> + <p> + “Pray, who was Johann?” asked Aunt Polly, thinking how fortunate it was + that she learned of these things only after the danger was over. + </p> + <p> + “I never will forget the first time I met him,” laughed the girl, “the + first day I went to the school. Johann was a little boy who opened the + door for me, and he stared at me as if he were in a trance; he had the + most wonderful round eyes, and puffy red cheeks that made me always think + I'd happened to ring the bell while he was eating; and every time after + that he saw me for three years he used to gaze at me in the same helpless + wonder, with all lingers of his fat little hands wide apart.” + </p> + <p> + “What a disagreeable wretch!” said the other. + </p> + <p> + “Not in the least,” laughed Helen; “I liked him. But the funniest part + came afterwards, for when I came away Johann had grown a whole foot, and + was quite a man. I sent for him to put the straps on my trunks, and guess + what he did! He stared at me for a minute, just the same as ever, and then + he ran out of the room, blubbering like a baby; and that's the last I ever + saw of him.” + </p> + <p> + Helen was laughing as she told the story, but then she stopped and looked + a little conscience-stricken. “Do you know, Aunt Polly,” she said, “it is + really a dreadful thing to make people unhappy like that; I suppose poor + Johann had spent three whole years dreaming about the enchanted castle in + which I was to be fairy princess.” + </p> + <p> + “It was a good chance for a romantic marriage,” said the other. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said the girl, laughing again; “I tried to fancy it. He'd have kept + a Wirthshaus, I suppose, and I'd have served the guests; and Arthur might + have come, and I'd have cut Butterbrod for him and he could have been my + Werther! Wouldn't Arthur have made a fine Werther, though, Aunt Polly?” + </p> + <p> + “And blown his brains out afterwards,” added the other. + </p> + <p> + “No,” said Helen, “brains are too scarce; I'd rather have him follow + Goethe's example and write a book about it instead. You know I don't + believe half the things these poets tell you, for I think they put + themselves through their dreadful experiences just to tell about them and + make themselves famous. Don't you believe that, Auntie?” + </p> + <p> + “I don't know,” said the other (a statement which she seldom made). “I + don't know much about such things. Nobody reads poetry any more, you know, + Helen, and it doesn't really help one along very much.” + </p> + <p> + “It doesn't do any harm, does it?” inquired the girl, smiling to herself, + “just a little, once in a while?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, no, of course not,” said the other; “I believe that a woman ought to + have a broad education, for she never knows what may be the whims of the + men she meets, or what turn a conversation may take. All I'm afraid of, + Helen, is that if you fill your mind with sentimental ideas you might be + so silly as to fancy that you were doing something romantic in throwing + your one great chance away upon some worthless nobody. I want you to + realize what you are, Helen, and that you owe something to yourself, and + to your family, too; for the Roberts have always had wealth and position + until your mother chose to marry a poor man. What I warn you of now is + exactly what I warned her of. Your father is a good man, but he had + absolutely nothing to make your mother happy; she was cut off from + everything she had been used to,—she could not even keep a carriage. + And of course she could not receive her old friends, very few of them + cared to have anything more to do with her, and so she simply pined away + in discontentment and miserable poverty. You have had an easy life, Helen, + and you have no idea of what a horrible thing it is to be poor; you have + had the best of teachers, and you have lived at an expensive school, and + of course you have always had me to rely upon to introduce you to the + right people; but if you married a poor man you couldn't expect to keep + any of those advantages. I don't speak of your marrying a man who had no + money at all, for that would be too fearful to talk about; but suppose you + were to take any one of the young men you might meet at Oakdale even, + you'd have to live in a mean little house, and do with one or two + servants, and worry yourself about the butcher's bills and brush your own + dresses and drive your own horse. And how long do you suppose it would be + before you repented of that? Think of having to be like those poor Masons, + for instance; they are nice people, and I like them, but I hate to go + there, for every time I can't help seeing that the parlor furniture is + more dingy, and thinking how miserable they must be, not to be able to buy + new things. And their servants' liveries are half worn too; and when you + dine there you see that Mrs. Mason is eating with a plated fork, because + she has not enough of her best silver to go around. All those things are + trifles, Helen, but think of the worry they must give those poor people, + who are pinching themselves and wearing themselves out soul and body, + trying to keep in the station where they belong, or used to. Poor Mrs. + Mason is pale and nervous and wrinkled at forty, and those three poor + girls, who spend their time making over their old dresses, are so + dowdy-looking and uneasy that no man ever glances at them twice. It is + such misery as that which I dread for you, Helen, and why I am talking to + you. There is no reason why you should take upon you such sorrows; you + have a clear head, and you can think for yourself and make up your mind + about things if you only won't blind yourself by foolish sentimentality. + You have been brought up to a certain station in life, and no man has a + right to offer himself to you unless he can maintain you in that station. + There is really no scarcity of such men, Helen, and you'd have no trouble + in finding one. There are hundreds of men in New York who are worth + millions, and who would fling themselves and their wealth at your feet if + you would have them. And you would find such a difference between the + opportunities of pleasure and command that such a chance would give you + and the narrow life that you lead in this little town that you would + wonder how you could ever have been satisfied. It is difficult for you to + realize what I mean, my dear, because you have only a schoolgirl's + knowledge of life and its pleasures, but when you are in the world, and + have learned what power is, and what it means to possess such beauty as + yours, you will feel your heart swelling with a new pleasure, and you will + thank me for what I tell you. I have figured a wonderful triumph for you, + Helen, and it is time you knew what is before you. Of what use is your + beauty, if you do not carry it into a wide enough sphere, where it can + bring you the admiration and homage you deserve? You need such a field, + Helen, to discover your own powers in; believe me, my dear, there is + really a higher ambition in the world than to be a country clergyman's + daughter.” + </p> + <p> + “Is there any higher than being happy, Auntie?” asked Helen. + </p> + <p> + The importance of that observation was beyond the other's ken, as indeed + it was beyond Helen's also; she had thrown it out as a chance remark. + </p> + <p> + “Mr. Roberts and I were talking about this last night,” went on Aunt + Polly, “and he told me that I ought to talk seriously to you about it, and + get you to realize what a golden future is before you. For it is really + true, Helen, as sure as you can trust what I know about the world, that + you can have absolutely anything that you want. That is the long and short + of the matter—anything that you want! And why should you not have + the very best that life can give you? Why should you have to know that + other people dwell in finer houses than yours, and are free from cares + that make you ill? Why should you have the humiliation of being looked + down upon and scorned by other people? Are these other people more + entitled to luxury than you, or more able to enjoy it; or could anyone do + it more honor than you? You are beautiful beyond telling; you have every + gift that a woman can ask to complete enjoyment of life; you are perfect, + Helen, you are really perfect! You <i>must</i> know that; you must say it + to yourself when you are alone, and know that your life ought to be a + queenly triumph. You have only to stretch out your arms and everything + will come to you; and there is really and truly no end to the happiness + you can taste.” + </p> + <p> + Helen was gazing at the other with real earnestness, and the words were + sinking deep into her soul, deeper than words generally sunk there. She + felt her cheeks burning, and her frame stirred by a new emotion; she had + seldom before thought of anything but the happiness of the hour. + </p> + <p> + “Just think of it, my love,” continued Mrs. Roberts, “and know that that + is what your old auntie was thinking of when you were only a little tiny + girl, sitting upon her knee, and when you were so beautiful that artists + used to beg to have you pose for them. I never said anything about it + then, because you were too young to understand these things; but now that + you are to manage yourself, I have been waiting for a chance to tell you, + so that you may see what a prize is yours if you are only wise. And if you + wonder why I have cared so much and thought so much of what might be + yours, the only reason I can give is that you are my niece, and that I + felt that any triumph you might win would be mine. I want you to win a + higher place in the world than mine, Helen; I never had such a gift as + yours.” + </p> + <p> + Helen was silent for a minute, deeply thoughtful. + </p> + <p> + “Tell me, Auntie,” she asked, “and is it really true, then, that a woman + is to train herself and grow beautiful and to have so much trouble and + money spent upon her—only for her marriage?” + </p> + <p> + “Why of course, Helen; what else can a woman do? Unless you have money and + a husband you cannot possibly hope to accomplish anything in society. With + your talents and your beauty you might go anywhere and rule anywhere, but + you have to have money before you can even begin.” + </p> + <p> + “But where am I to meet such a rich man, Aunt Polly?” asked Helen. + </p> + <p> + “You know perfectly well where. Do you suppose that after I have worried + myself about you all this time I mean to desert you now, when you are at + the very climax of your glory, when you are all that I ever dared dream + of? My dear Helen, I am more interested in you just now than in anything + else in the world. I feel as a card player feels when millions are at + stake, and when he knows that he holds the perfect hand.” + </p> + <p> + “That is very nice,” said Helen, laughing nervously. “But there is always + a chance of mistake.” + </p> + <p> + “There is none this time, Helen, for I am an old player, and I have been + picking and arranging my hand for long, long years; and you are the hand, + my love, and the greatest glory of it all must be yours.” + </p> + <p> + Helen's heart was throbbing still faster with excitement, as if she were + already tasting the wonderful triumph that was before her; her aunt was + watching her closely, noting how the blood was mounting to her bright + cheeks. The girl felt herself suddenly choking with her pent up + excitement, and she stretched out her arms with a strange laugh. + </p> + <p> + “Auntie,” she said, “you tell me too much at once.” + </p> + <p> + The other had been marshaling her forces like a general during the last + few minutes, and she felt just then as if there were nothing left but the + rout. “All that I tell you, you may see for yourself,” she said. “I don't + ask you to take anything on my word, for you have only to look in the + glass and compare yourself with the women you meet. You will find that all + men will turn their eyes upon you when you enter a room.” + </p> + <p> + Helen did not consider it necessary to debate that question. “You have + invited some rich man to meet me at your house?” she asked. + </p> + <p> + “I was going to say nothing to you about it at first,” said the other, + “and let you find out. But I thought afterwards that it would be better to + tell you, so that you could manage for yourself. I have invited all the + men whom Mr. Roberts and I thought it would be best for you to meet.” + </p> + <p> + Helen gazed at her aunt silently for a moment, and then she broke into a + nervous laugh. “A regular exposition!” she said; “and you'll bring them + out one by one and put them through their paces, won't you, Auntie? And + have them labeled for comparison,—so that I can tell just what + stocks they own and how they stand on the 'Street'! Do you remember the + suitor in Moliere?—<i>'J'ai quinze mille livres de rente; j'ai le + corps sain; j'ai des beaux dents!</i>'” + </p> + <p> + It was a flash of Helen's old merriment, but it did not seem so natural as + usual, even to her. She forced herself to laugh, for she was growing more + and more excited and uneasy. + </p> + <p> + “My dear,” said Aunt Polly, “please do not begin making fun again.” + </p> + <p> + “But you must let me joke a little, Auntie,” said the girl. “I have never + been serious for so long before.” + </p> + <p> + “You ought to be serious about it, my dear.” + </p> + <p> + “I will,” said Helen. “I have really listened attentively; you must tell + me all about these rich men that I am to meet, and what I am to do. I hope + I am not the only girl.” + </p> + <p> + “Of course not,” was the response; “I would not do anything ridiculous. I + have invited a number of other girls—but they won't trouble you in + the least.” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said Helen. “I am not afraid of other girls; but what's to be done? + It's a sort of house-warming, I suppose?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” was the reply, “I suppose so, for I only came down last week + myself. I have asked about twenty people for a week or two; they all know + each other, more or less, so there won't be much formality. We shall amuse + ourselves with coaching and golf, and anything else we please; and of + course there will be plenty of music in the evening.” + </p> + <p> + Helen smiled at the significant tone of her aunt's voice. “Are the people + there now?” she asked. + </p> + <p> + “Those who live anywhere in the neighborhood are; most of the men will be + down on the afternoon train, in time for dinner.” + </p> + <p> + “And tell me who are the men, Auntie?” + </p> + <p> + “I'm afraid I won't have time,” said Mrs. Roberts, glancing out of the + carriage. “We are too near home. But I will tell you about one of them, if + you like.” + </p> + <p> + “The king-bee?” laughed Helen. “Is there a king-bee?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Mrs. Roberts; “there is. At any rate, my husband and I think + he is, and we are anxious to see what you think. His name is Gerald + Harrison, and he comes from Cincinnati.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, dear,” said Helen, “I hate to meet men from the West. He must be a + pork-packer, or something horrible.” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said the other, “he is a railroad president.” + </p> + <p> + “And why do you think he's the king-bee; is he very rich?” + </p> + <p> + “He is worth about ten million dollars,” said Aunt Polly. + </p> + <p> + Helen gazed at her wildly. “Ten million dollars!” she gasped. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said the other; “about that, probably a little more. Mr. Roberts + knows all about his affairs.” + </p> + <p> + Helen was staring into her aunt's face. “Tell me,” she asked, very + nervously indeed. “Tell me, honestly!” + </p> + <p> + “What?” + </p> + <p> + “Is that the man you are bringing me here to meet?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, Helen,” said the other quietly. + </p> + <p> + The girl's hands were clasped tightly together just then. “Aunt Polly,” + she asked, “what kind of a man is he? I will not marry a bad man!” + </p> + <p> + “A bad man, child? How ridiculous! Do you suppose I would ask you to marry + a bad man, if he owned all New York? I want you to be happy. Mr. Harrison + is a man who has made his own fortune, and he is a man of tremendous + energy. Everyone is obliged to respect him.” + </p> + <p> + “But he must be old, Auntie.” + </p> + <p> + “He is very young, Helen, only about forty.” + </p> + <p> + “Dear me,” said the girl, “I could never marry a man as old as forty; and + then, I'd have to go out West!” + </p> + <p> + “Mr. Harrison has come to New York to live,” was the other's reply. “He + has just bought a really magnificent country seat about ten miles from + here—the old Everson place, if you remember it; and he is + negotiating for a house near ours in the city. My husband and I both + agreed, Helen, that if you could make Mr. Harrison fall in love with you + it would be all that we could desire.” + </p> + <p> + “That is not the real problem,” Helen said, gazing out of the carriage + with a frightened look upon her face; “it is whether I can fall in love + with him. Aunt Polly, it is dreadful to me to think of marrying; I don't + want to marry! I don't care who the man is!” + </p> + <p> + “We'll see about that later on,” said the other, smiling reassuringly, and + at the same time putting her arm about the girl; “there is no hurry, my + love, and no one has the least thought of asking you to do what you do not + want to do. But a chance like this does not come often to any girl, my + dear. Mr. Harrison is in every way a desirable man.” + </p> + <p> + “But he's stupid, Aunt Polly, I know he's stupid! All self-made men are; + they tell you about how they made themselves, and what wonderful things + they hare made!” + </p> + <p> + “You must of course not expect to find Mr. Harrison as cultured as + yourself, Helen,” was the reply; “his education has been that of the + world, and not of books. But nobody thinks less of a man for that in the + world; the most one can ask is that he does not make pretenses. And he is + very far from stupid, I assure you, or he would not have been what he is.” + </p> + <p> + “I suppose not,” said Helen, weakly. + </p> + <p> + “And, besides,” observed Aunt Polly, laughing to cheer the girl up, “I + assure you it doesn't make any difference. My husband makes no pretense to + being a wit, or a musician, or anything like that; he's just a plain, + sensible man, but we get along as happily as you could wish. We each of us + go our own way, and understand each other perfectly.” + </p> + <p> + “So I'm to marry a plain, sensible man?” asked the girl, apparently not + much comforted by the observation. + </p> + <p> + “A plain, sensible man with ten million dollars, my dear,” said Aunt + Polly, “who adores you and has nothing to do with his money but to let you + make yourself happy and glorious with it? But don't worry yourself, my + child, because the first thing for you to feel is that if you don't like + him you need not take him. It all rests upon you; he won't be here till + after the rest, till the evening train, so you can have time to think it + over and calculate whether ten million dollars will buy anything you + want.” And Mrs. Roberts laughed. + </p> + <p> + Then the carriage having passed within the gates of her home, she kissed + the girl upon her cheek. “By the way,” she added, “if you want to meet a + romantic person to offset Mr. Harrison, I'll tell you about Mr. Howard. I + haven't mentioned him, have I?” + </p> + <p> + “I never heard of him,” said Helen. + </p> + <p> + “It's a real romance,” said the other. “You didn't suppose that your + sensible old auntie could have a romance, did you?” + </p> + <p> + “Tell me about it,” laughed Helen. + </p> + <p> + The carriage was driving up the broad avenue that led to the Roberts + house; it was a drive of a minute or two, however, and so Aunt Polly had + time for a hasty explanation. + </p> + <p> + “It was over twenty years ago,” she said, “before your mother was married, + and when our family had a camp up in the Adirondacks; there were only two + others near us, and in each of them there was a young man about my age. We + three were great friends for three or four years, but we've never seen + each other since till a short while ago.” + </p> + <p> + “And one of them is this man?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Mrs. Roberts; “his name is David Howard; I met him quite by + accident the other day, and recognized him. He lives all alone, in the + winter in New York somewheres, and in the summer up at the same place in + the mountains; he's the most romantic man you ever met, and I know you'll + find him interesting. He's a poet, I fancy, or a musician at any rate, and + he's a very great scholar.” + </p> + <p> + “Is he rich too?” asked the girl, laughing. + </p> + <p> + “I fancy not,” was the reply, “but I can't tell; he lives very plainly.” + </p> + <p> + “Aren't you afraid I'll fall in love with him, Auntie?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said the other, smiling to herself; “I'm not worrying about that.” + </p> + <p> + “Why not?” + </p> + <p> + “Wait till you see him, my dear,” was the reply; “if you choose him for a + husband I'll give my consent.” + </p> + <p> + “That sounds mysterious,” observed the girl, gazing at her aunt; “tell me, + is he here now?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Aunt Polly; “he's been here a day or two; but I don't think + you'll see him at dinner, because he has been feeling unwell today; he may + be down a while this evening, for I've been telling him about you, and + he's anxious to see you. You must be nice to him, Helen, and try to feel + as sorry for him as I do.” + </p> + <p> + “Sorry for him?” echoed the girl with a start. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, my dear, he is an invalid, with some very dreadful affliction.” + </p> + <p> + And Helen stared at her aunt. “An affliction!” she cried. “Aunt Polly, + that is horrible! What in the world did you invite an invalid for at this + time, with all the other people? I <i>hate</i> invalids!” + </p> + <p> + “I had asked him before,” was the apologetic reply, “and so I couldn't + help it. I had great difficulty in getting him to promise to come anyway, + for he's a very strange, solitary man. But I wanted to have my little + romance, and renew our acquaintance, and this was the only time the third + party could come.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, the third one is here too?” + </p> + <p> + “He will be in a day or two.” + </p> + <p> + “Who is he?” + </p> + <p> + “His name is Lieutenant Maynard, and he's in the navy; he's stationed at + Brooklyn just now, but he expects to get leave for a while.” + </p> + <p> + “That is a little better,” Helen remarked, as the carriage was drawing up + in front of the great house. “I'd marry a naval officer.” + </p> + <p> + “No,” laughed Aunt Polly; “he leaves a wife and some children in Brooklyn. + We three are going to keep to ourselves and talk about old times and what + has happened to us since then, and so you young folks will not be troubled + by us.” + </p> + <p> + “I hope you will,” said the other, “for I can't ever be happy with + invalids.” + </p> + <p> + And there, as the carriage door was opened, the conversation ended + abruptly. When Helen had sprung out she found that there were six or eight + people upon the piazza, to whom the excitement of being introduced drove + from her mind for a time all thoughts which her aunt's words had brought. + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0005" id="link2HCH0005"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER V + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “If chance will have me king, why chance may crown me, + Without my stir.” + </pre> + <p> + Most of the people whom Helen met upon her arrival were of her own sex, so + that she did not feel called upon to make special exertions to please + them; but she was naturally cheerful and happy with everyone, and the + other matters of which Mrs. Roberts had talked took on such vast + proportions before her mind that it was a relief to her to put them aside + and enjoy herself for a while in her usual way. Helen was glad that most + of the men were to arrive later, so that she might make her appearance + before them under the most favorable circumstances. When she heard the + distant whistle of the afternoon train a couple of hours later, it was + with that thought that she retired to her room to rest before dressing. + </p> + <p> + Aunt Polly, following her plan of accustoming the girl to a proper style + of living, had engaged a maid to attend her during her stay; and Helen + found therefore that her trunks were unpacked and everything in order. It + was a great relief to her to be rid of all care, and she took off her + dress and flung herself down upon the bed to think. + </p> + <p> + Helen had imbided during her Sunday-school days the usual formulas of + dogmatic religion, but upon matters of morality her ideas were of the + vaguest possible description. The guide of her life had always been her + instinct for happiness, her “genial sense of youth.” She had never + formulated any rule of life to herself, but that which she sought was joy, + primarily for herself, and incidentally for other people, because unhappy + people were disturbing (unless it were possible to avoid them). In + debating within herself the arguments which her aunt had brought before + her mind, it was that principle chiefly by which she tested them. + </p> + <p> + To the girl's eager nature, keenly sensitive to pleasure and greedy for + it, the prospect so suddenly flung wide before her eyes was so + intoxicating that again and again as she thought of it it made her tremble + and burn. So far as Helen could see at that moment, a marriage with this + Mr. Harrison would mean the command of every source of happiness; and upon + a scale so magnificent, so belittling of everything she had known before, + that she shrank from it as something impossible and unnatural. Again and + again she buried her heated brow in her hands and muttered: “I ought to + have known it before! I ought to have had time to realize it.” + </p> + <p> + That which restrained the girl from welcoming such an opportunity, from + clasping it to her in ecstasy and flinging herself madly into the whirl of + pleasure it held out, was not so much her conscience and the ideals which + she had formed more or less vaguely from the novels and poems she had + read, as the instinct of her maidenhood, which made her shrink from the + thought of marriage with a man whom she did not love. So strong was this + feeling in her that at first she felt that she could not even bear to be + introduced to him with such an idea in her mind. + </p> + <p> + It was Aunt Polly's wisdom and diplomacy which finally overcame her + scruples enough to persuade her to that first step; Helen kept thinking of + her aunt's words—that no one wanted to compel her to marry the man, + that she might do just as she chose. She argued that it was foolish to + worry herself, or to be ill at ease. She might see what sort of a man he + was; if he fell in love with her it would do no harm,—Helen was not + long in discovering by the increased pace of her pulses that she would + find it exciting to have everyone know that a multimillionaire was in love + with her. “As for the rest,” she said to herself, “we'll see when the time + comes,” and knew not that one who goes to front his life's temptation with + that resolution is a mariner who leaves the steering of his vessel to the + tempest. + </p> + <p> + She had stilled her objection by such arguments, and was just beginning to + feel the excitement of the prospect once more, when the maid knocked at + the door and asked to know if mademoiselle were ready to dress for dinner. + And mademoiselle arose and bathed her face and arms and was once more her + old refreshed and rejoicing self, ready for that mysterious and wonderful + process which was to send her out an hour or two later a vision of + perfectness, compounded of the hues of the rose and the odors of evening, + with the new and unutterable magic that is all the woman's own. Besides + the prospects her aunt had spoken of, there were reasons enough why Helen + should be radiant, for it was her first recognized appearance in high + society; and so she sat in front of the tall mirror and criticised every + detail of the coiffure which the maid prepared, and eyed by turns her + gleaming neck and shoulders and the wonderful dress, as yet unworn, which + shone from the bed through its covering of tissue paper; and was all the + time so filled with joy and delight that it was a pleasure to be near her. + Soon Aunt Polly, clad in plain black as a sign that she retired in favor + of Helen, came in to assist and superintend the toilet. So serious at the + task, and so filled with a sense of its importance and the issues that + were staked upon it was she and the maid also, that one would not dare + think of the humor of the situation if Helen herself had not broken the + spell by declaring that she felt like an Ashantee warrior being decked out + for battle with plumes and war paint, or like Rinaldo, or Amadis donning + his armor. + </p> + <p> + And Helen was in fact going to war, a war for which nature has been + training woman since the first fig-tree grew. She carried a bow strong as + the one of Ulysses, which no man could draw, and an arrow sharp as the + sunbeam and armed with a barb; for a helmet, beside her treasure of golden + hair, she wore one rose, set there with the art that conceals art, so that + it was no longer a red rose, but one more bright perfection that had come + to ripeness about the glowing maiden. Her dress was of the same color, a + color which when worn upon a woman is a challenge, crying abroad that here + is perfection beyond envy and beyond praise. + </p> + <p> + When the last touch was finished and Helen gazed upon herself, with her + bare shoulders and arms and her throat so soft and white, she knew that + she was, compared to all about her, a vision from another world. Chiefest + of all, she knew that neither arms and shoulders, nor robe, nor gleaming + hair, would ever be thought of when once the face that smiled upon her + with its serene perfectness had caught the eye; she knew that as usual, + men must start when they saw her, and never take their eyes from her. The + thought filled her with an exulting consciousness of power, and reared her + form with a new dignity, and made her chest heave and her cheeks burn with + yet a new beauty. + </p> + <p> + When everything was ready, Aunt Polly's husband was called in to gaze upon + her. A little man was Aunt Polly's husband, with black side whiskers and a + head partly bald; a most quiet and unobtrusive person, looking just what + he had been represented,—a “plain, sensible man,” who attended to + his half of the family affairs, and left the other half to his wife. He + gazed upon Helen and blinked once or twice, as if blinded by so much + beauty, and then took the end of her fingers very lightly in his and + pronounced her “absolutely perfect.” “And, my dear,” he added, “it's after + seven, so perhaps we'd best descend.” + </p> + <p> + So he led the girl down to her triumph, to the handsome parlors of the + house where eight or ten men were strolling about. It was quite exciting + to Helen to meet them, for they were all strangers, and Aunt Polly had + apparently considered Mr. Harrison of so much importance that she had said + nothing about the others, leaving her niece at liberty to make what + speculations she pleased. + </p> + <p> + It was a brilliant company which was seated in the dining room a short + while later. As it was assembled in Helen's honor, Aunt Polly had taken + care to bring those who would please the girl, and represent high life and + luxury at its best; all of the guests were young, and therefore perfect. + The members of the “smart set,” when they have passed the third decade, + are apt to show signs of weariness; a little of their beauty and health is + gone, and some of their animation, and all of their joy,—so that one + may be led to ask himself if there be not really something wrong about + their views and ways of living. When they are young, however, they + represent the possibilities of the human animal in all things external. In + some wonderful way known only to themselves they have managed to + manipulate the laws of men so as to make men do for them all the hard and + painful tasks of life, so that they have no care but to make themselves as + beautiful and as clever and as generally excellent as selfishness can be. + Helen, of course, was not in the least troubled about the selfishness, and + she was quite satisfied with externals. She saw about her perfect toilets + and perfect manners; she saw everyone as happy as she liked everyone to + be; and the result was that her spirits took fire, and she was clever and + fascinating beyond even herself. She carried everything before her, and + performed the real feat of dominating the table by her beauty and + cleveness, without being either presumptuous or vain. Aunt Polly replied + to the delighted looks of her husband at the other end of the table, and + the two only wished that Mr. Harrison had been there then. + </p> + <p> + As a matter of fact, Helen had forgotten Mr. Harrison entirely, and he did + not come back to her mind until the dinner was almost over, when suddenly + she heard the bell ring. It was just the time that he was due to arrive, + and so she knew that she would see him in another half hour. In the + exultation of the present moment all of her hesitation was gone, and she + was as ready to meet him as her aunt could have wished. + </p> + <p> + When the party rose a few minutes later and went into the parlors again, + Helen was the first to enter, upon the arm of her neighbor. She was + thinking of Mr. Harrison; and as she glanced about her, she could not keep + from giving a slight start. Far down at the other end of the room she had + caught sight of the figure of a man, and her first thought had been that + it must be the millionaire. His frail, slender form was more than half + concealed by the cushions of the sofa upon which he was seated, but even + so, Helen could discover that he was a slight cripple. + </p> + <p> + The man rose as the party entered, and Aunt Polly went towards him; she + apparently expected her niece to follow and be introduced to the stranger, + but in the meantime the truth had occurred to Helen, that it must be the + Mr. Howard she had been told of; she turned to one side with her partner, + and began remarking the pictures in the room. + </p> + <p> + When she found opportunity, she glanced over and saw that the man had + seated himself on the sofa and was talking to Mrs. Roberts. He looked, as + Helen thought, all the invalid her aunt had described him to be, for his + face was white and very wan, so that it made her shudder. “Dear me!” she + exclaimed to herself, “I don't think such a man ought to go into public.” + And she turned resolutely away, and set herself to the task of forgetting + him, which she very easily did. + </p> + <p> + A merry party was soon gathered about her, rejoicing in the glory of her + presence, and listening to the stories which she told of her adventures in + Europe. Helen kept the circle well in hand that way, and was equally ready + when one of the young ladies turned the conversation off upon French + poetry in the hope of eclipsing her. Thus her animation continued without + rest until Mrs. Roberts escorted one of the guests to the piano to sing + for them. + </p> + <p> + “She's keeping me for Mr. Harrison,” thought Helen, laughing mischievously + to herself; “and I suppose she's picked out the worst musician first, so + as to build up a climax.” + </p> + <p> + It seemed as if that might have been the plan for a fact; the performer + sang part of Gluck's “J'ai perdu mon Eurydice,” in strange French, and in + a mournful voice which served very well to display the incompatibility of + the melody and the words. As it happened, however, Mistress Helen heard + not a word of the song, for it had scarcely begun before she turned her + eyes towards the doorway and caught sight of a figure that drove all other + ideas from her mind. Mr. Harrison had come at last. + </p> + <p> + He was a tall, dignified man, and Helen's first feeling was of relief to + discover that he was neither coarse-looking, nor even plain. He had rather + too bright a complexion, and rather too large a sandy mustache, but his + clothes fitted him, and he seemed to be at ease as he glanced about him + and waited in the doorway for the young lady at the piano to finish. While + the faint applause was still sounding he entered with Mrs. Roberts, moving + slowly across the room. “And now!” thought Helen, “now for it!” + </p> + <p> + As she expected, the two came towards her, and Mr. Harrison was presented; + Helen, who was on the watch with all her faculties, decided that he bore + that trial tolerably, for while his admiration of course showed itself, he + did not stare, and he was not embarrassed. + </p> + <p> + “I am a little late, I fear,” he said; “have I missed much of the music?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said Helen, “that was the first selection.” + </p> + <p> + “I am glad of that,” said the other. + </p> + <p> + According to the laws which regulate the drifting of conversation, it was + next due that Helen should ask if he were fond of singing; and then that + he should answer that he was very fond of it, which he did. + </p> + <p> + “Mrs. Roberts tells me you are a skillful musician,” he added; “I trust + that I shall hear you?” + </p> + <p> + Helen of course meant to play, and had devoted some thought to the + selection of her program; therefore she answered: “Possibly; we shall see + by and by.” + </p> + <p> + “I am told that you have been studying in Germany,” was the next + observation. “Do you like Germany?” + </p> + <p> + “Very much,” said Helen. “Only they made me work very hard at music, and + at everything else.” + </p> + <p> + “That is perhaps why you are a good player,” said Mr. Harrison. + </p> + <p> + “You ought to wait until you hear me,” the girl replied, following his + example of choosing the most obvious thing to say. + </p> + <p> + “I fear I am not much of a critic,” said the other. + </p> + <p> + And so the conversation drifted on for several minutes, Mr. Harrison's + remarks being so very uninspiring that his companion could find no way to + change the subject to anything worth talking about. + </p> + <p> + “Evidently,” the girl thought, during a momentary lull, “he has learned + all the rules of talking, and that's why he's at ease. But dear me, what + an awful prospect! It would kill me to have to do this often. But then, to + be sure I shan't see him in the day time, and in the evenings we should + not be at home. One doesn't have to be too intimate with one's husband, I + suppose. And then—” + </p> + <p> + “I think,” said Mr. Harrison, “that your aunt is coming to ask you to + play.” + </p> + <p> + That was Aunt Polly's mission, for a fact, and Helen was much relieved, + for she had found herself quite helpless to lift the conversation out of + the slough of despond into which it had fallen; she wanted a little time + to collect her faculties and think of something clever to start with + again. When in answer to the request of Aunt Polly she arose and went to + the piano, the crushed feeling of course left her, and her serenity + returned; for Helen was at home at the piano, knowing that she could do + whatever she chose, and do it without effort. It was a stimulus to her + faculties to perceive that a general hush had fallen upon the room, and + that every eye was upon her; as she sat down, therefore, all her old + exultation was back. + </p> + <p> + She paused a moment to collect herself, and gave one easy glance down the + room at the groups of people. She caught a glimpse as she did so of Mr. + Howard, who was still seated upon the sofa, leaning forward and resting + his chin in his hand and fixing his eyes upon her. At another time the + sight of his wan face might perhaps have annoyed the girl, but she was + carried beyond that just then by the excitement of the moment; her glance + came back to the piano, and feeling that everyone was attentive and + expectant, she began. + </p> + <p> + Helen numbered in her repertoire a good many pieces that were hopelessly + beyond the technic of the average salon pianist, and she had chosen the + most formidable with which to astonish her hearers that evening. She had + her full share of that pleasure which people get from concerning + themselves with great things: a pleasure which is responsible for much of + the reading, and especially the discussing, of the world's great poets, + and which brings forth many lofty sentiments from the numerous class of + persons who combine idealism with vanity. Helen's selection was the first + movement of the “Sonata Appassionata,” and she was filled with a pleasing + sense of majesty and importance as she began. She liked the first theme + especially because it was striking and dignified and never failed to + attract attention; and in what followed there was room for every shading + of tone, from delicate softness that showed much feeling and sympathy, to + stunning fortissimos that made everyone stare. The girl was relieved of + any possible fear by the certainty that the composition was completely + beyond her hearers' understanding, and so she soon lost herself in her + task, and, as her excitement mounted, played with splendid spirit and + abandon. Her calculations proved entirely well made, for when she stopped + she received a real ovation, having genuinely astonished her hearers; and + she crossed the room, beaming radiantly upon everyone and acknowledging + their compliments, more assured of triumph than ever before. To cap the + climax, when she reached her seat she found Mr. Harrison betraying + completely his profound admiration, his gaze being riveted upon the + glowing girl as she sat down beside him. + </p> + <p> + “Miss Davis,” he said, with evident sincerity, “that was really + wonderful!” + </p> + <p> + “Thank you very much,” said Helen, radiantly. + </p> + <p> + “It was the most splendid piano playing I have ever heard in my life,” the + other went on. “Pray what was it that you played—something new?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, no,” was the answer, “it is very old indeed.” + </p> + <p> + “Ah,” said Mr. Harrison, “those old composers were very great men.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Helen, demurely. + </p> + <p> + “I was astonished to see with what ease you played,” the other continued, + “and yet so marvelously fast! That must be a fearfully hard piece of music + to play.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, it is,” said Helen; “but it is quite exciting,” she added, fanning + herself and laughing. + </p> + <p> + Helen was at the top of her being just then, and in perfect command of + things; she had no idea of letting herself be dragged down into the + commonplace again. “I think it's about time I was fascinating him,” she + said to herself, and she started in, full of merriment and life. Taking + her last remark as a cue, she told him funny stories about the + eccentricities of the sonata's great composer, how he would storm and rage + up and down his room like a madman, and how he hired a boy to pump water + over his head by the hour, in case of emergency. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Harrison remarked that it was funny how all musicians were such queer + chaps, but even that did not discourage Helen. She rattled on, quite as + supremely captivating as she had been at the dinner table, and as she saw + that her companion was yielding to her spell, the color mounted to her + cheeks and her blood flowed faster yet. + </p> + <p> + It is of the nature of such flame to feed itself, and Helen grew the more + exulting as she perceived her success,—and consequently all the more + irresistible. The eyes of the man were soon riveted upon the gorgeous + vision of loveliness before him, and the contagion of the girl's animation + showed itself even in him, for he brightened a little, and was clever + enough to startle himself. It was a new delight and stimulus to Helen to + perceive it, and she was soon swept away in much the same kind of nervous + delight as her phantasy with the thunderstorm. The sofa upon which the two + were seated had been somewhat apart from the rest, and so they had nothing + to disturb them. A short half hour fled by, during which Helen's daring + animation ruled everything, and at the end of which Mr. Harrison was quite + oblivious to everything about him. + </p> + <p> + There were others, however, who were watching the affair; the keen-eyed + Aunt Polly was comprehending all with joy, but she was as ever calculating + and prudent, and she knew that Helen's monopoly of Mr. Harrison would soon + become unpleasantly conspicuous, especially as she had so far introduced + him to no one else. She felt that little would be lost by breaking the + spell, for what the girl was doing then she might do any time she chose; + and so after waiting a while longer she made her way unobtrusively over to + them and joined their conversation. + </p> + <p> + Helen of course understood her aunt's meaning, and acquiesced; she kept on + laughing and talking for a minute or two more, and then at a lull in the + conversation she exclaimed: “But I've been keeping Mr. Harrison here + talking to me, and nobody else has seen anything of him.” And so Mr. + Harrison, inwardly anathematizing the rest of the company, was compelled + to go through a long series of handshakings, and finally to be drawn into + a group of young persons whose conversation seemed to him the most inane + he had ever heard in his life. + </p> + <p> + In the meantime someone else was giving a piano selection, one which Helen + had never heard, but which sounded to every one like a finger exercise + after her own meteoric flight; the girl sat half listening to it and half + waiting for her aunt to return, which Mrs. Roberts finally did, beaming + with gratitude. + </p> + <p> + “My love,” she whispered, “you are an angel; you have done better than I + ever dreamed of!” + </p> + <p> + And Helen felt her blood give a sudden leap that was not quite pleasant; + the surging thoughts that were in her mind at that moment brought back the + nervous trembling she had felt in the carriage, so that she leaned against + the sofa for support. + </p> + <p> + “Now listen, my dear,” the other went swiftly on, perhaps divining the + girl's state, “I want you to do a great favor for me.” + </p> + <p> + “Was not that for you, Auntie?” asked Helen, weakly. + </p> + <p> + “No, my dear, that was for yourself. But this—” + </p> + <p> + “What is it?” + </p> + <p> + “I want you to come and talk to my David Howard a little while.” + </p> + <p> + The girl gave a start, and turned a little paler. “Aunt Polly,” she + exclaimed, “not now! He looks so ill, it makes me nervous even to see + him.” + </p> + <p> + “But, Helen, my dear, that is nonsense,” was the reply. “Mr. Howard is one + of the most interesting men you ever met. He knows more than all the + people in this room together, and you will forget he is an invalid when + you have talked to him a while.” + </p> + <p> + Helen was, or wished to think herself, upon the heights of happiness just + then, and she shrunk more than ever from anything that was wretched. “Not + now, Aunt Polly,” she said, faintly. “Please wait until—” + </p> + <p> + “But, my dear,” said Aunt Polly, “now is the very time; you will wish to + be with Mr. Harrison again soon. And you must meet Mr. Howard, for that is + what he came for.” + </p> + <p> + “I suppose then I'll have to,” said Helen, knitting her brows; “I'll + stroll over in a minute or two.” + </p> + <p> + “All right,” said the other; “and please try to get acquainted with him, + Helen, for I want you to like him.” + </p> + <p> + “I will do my best,” said the girl. “He won't talk about his ailments, + will he?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said the other, laughing, “I fancy not. Talk to him about music—he's + a great musician, you know.” + </p> + <p> + And as her aunt left the room, Helen stole a side glance at the man, who + was alone upon the sofa just then. His chin was still resting in his hand, + and he was looking at Helen as before. As she glanced at him thus he + seemed to be all head, or rather all forehead, for his brow was very high + and white, and was set off by heavy black hair. + </p> + <p> + “He does look interesting,” the girl thought, as she forced a smile and + walked across the room; her aunt entered at the same time, as if by + accident, and the two approached Mr. Howard. As he saw them coming he + rose, with some effort as Helen noticed, and with a very slight look of + pain; it cost her some resolution to give the man her hand. In a minute or + two more, however, they were seated alone upon the sofa, Aunt Polly having + gone off with the remark to Helen that she had made Mr. Howard promise to + talk to her about music, and that they both knew too much about it for + her. “You must tell Helen all about her playing,” she added to him, + laughingly. + </p> + <p> + And then Helen, to carry on the conversation, added, “I should be very + much pleased if you would.” + </p> + <p> + “I am afraid it is an ungracious task Mrs. Roberts has chosen me,” the man + answered, smiling. “Critics are not a popular race.” + </p> + <p> + “It depends upon the critics,” said Helen. “They must be sincere.” + </p> + <p> + “That is just where they get into trouble,” was the response. + </p> + <p> + “It looks as if he were going to be chary with his praise,” thought Helen, + feeling just the least bit uncomfortable. She thought for a moment, and + then said, not without truth, “You pique my curiosity, Mr. Howard.” + </p> + <p> + “My criticism could not be technical,” said the other, smiling, again, + “for I am not a pianist.” + </p> + <p> + “You play some other instrument?” asked Helen; afterwards she added, + mischievously, “or are you just a critic?” + </p> + <p> + “I play the violin,” the man answered. + </p> + <p> + “You are going to play for us this evening?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said the other, “I fear I shall not.” + </p> + <p> + “Why not?” Helen inquired. + </p> + <p> + “I have not been feeling very well to-day,” was the response. “But I have + promised your aunt to play some evening; we had quite a long dispute.” + </p> + <p> + “You do not like to play in public?” asked Helen. + </p> + <p> + The question was a perfectly natural one, but it happened unfortunately + that as the girl asked it her glance rested upon the figure of her + companion. The man chanced to look at her at the same instant, and she saw + in a flash that her thought had been misread. Helen colored with the most + painful mortification; but Mr. Howard gave, to her surprise, no sign of + offense. + </p> + <p> + “No, not in general,” he said, with simple dignity. “I believe that I am + much better equipped as a listener.” + </p> + <p> + Helen had never seen more perfect self-possession than that, and she felt + quite humbled. + </p> + <p> + It would have been difficult to guess the age of the man beside her, but + Helen noticed that his hair was slightly gray. A closer view had only + served to strengthen her first impression of him, that he was all head, + and she found herself thinking that if that had been all of him he might + have been handsome, tho in a strange, uncomfortable way. The broad + forehead seemed more prominent than ever, and the dark eyes seemed fairly + to shine from beneath it. The rest of the face, tho wan, was as powerful + and massive as the brow, and seemed to Helen, little used as she was to + think of such things, to indicate character as well as suffering. + </p> + <p> + “It looks a little like Arthur's,” she thought. + </p> + <p> + This she had been noticing in the course of the conversation; then, + because her curiosity had really been piqued, she brought back the + original topic again. “You have not told me about my playing,” she smiled, + “and I wish for your opinion. I am very vain, you know.” (There is wisdom + in avowing a weakness which you wish others to think you do not possess.) + </p> + <p> + “It gave me great pleasure to watch you,” said the man, after a moment. + </p> + <p> + “To watch me!” thought Helen. “That is a palpable evasion. That is not + criticising my music itself,” she said aloud, not showing that she was a + trifle annoyed. + </p> + <p> + “You have evidently been very well taught,” said the other,—“unusually + well; and you have a very considerable technic.” And Helen was only more + uncomfortable than ever; evidently the man would have liked to add a “but” + to that sentence, and the girl felt as if she had come near an icicle in + the course of her evening's triumph. However, she was now still more + curious to hear the rest of his opinion. Half convinced yet that it must + be favorable in the end, she said: + </p> + <p> + “I should not in the least mind your speaking plainly; the admiration of + people who do not understand music I really do not care for.” And then as + Mr. Howard fixed his deep, clear eyes upon her, Helen involuntarily + lowered hers a little. + </p> + <p> + “If you really want my opinion,” said the other, “you shall have it. But + you must remember that it is yourself who leads me to the bad taste of + being serious in company.” + </p> + <p> + That last remark was in Helen's own style, and she looked interested. For + the rest, she felt that she had gotten into grave trouble by her question; + but it was too late to retreat now. + </p> + <p> + “I will excuse you,” she said. “I wish to know.” + </p> + <p> + “Very well, then,” said Mr. Howard; “the truth is that I did not care for + your selection.” + </p> + <p> + Helen gave a slight start. “If that is all the trouble, I need not worry,” + she thought; and she added easily, “The sonata is usually considered one + of Beethoven's very greatest works, Mr. Howard.” + </p> + <p> + “I am aware of that,” said the other; “but do you know how Beethoven came + to compose it?” + </p> + <p> + Helen had the happy feeling of a person of moderate resources when the + conversation turns to one of his specialties. “Yes,” she said; “I have + read how he said 'So pocht das Schicksal auf die Pforte.' [Footnote: “So + knocks Fate upon the door.”] Do you understand that, Mr. Howard?” + </p> + <p> + “Only partly,” said the other, very gently; “do you?” And Helen felt just + then that she had made a very awkward blunder indeed. + </p> + <p> + “Fate is a very dreadful thing to understand, Miss Davis,” the other + continued, slowly. “When one has heard the knock, he does not forget it, + and even the echo of it makes him tremble.” + </p> + <p> + “I suppose then,” said Helen, glibly, trying to save herself, “that you + think the sonata is too serious to be played in public?” + </p> + <p> + “Not exactly,” was the answer; “it depends upon the circumstances. There + are always three persons concerned, you know. In this case, as you have + pardoned me for being serious, there is in the first place the great + genius with his sacred message; you know how he learned that his life work + was to be ruined by deafness, and how he poured his agony and despair into + his greatest symphony, and into this sonata. That is the first person, + Miss Davis.” + </p> + <p> + He paused for a moment; and Helen took a deep breath, thinking that it was + the strangest conversation she had ever been called upon to listen to + during an evening's merriment. Yet she did not smile, for the man's deep, + resonant voice fascinated her. + </p> + <p> + “And the second?” she asked. + </p> + <p> + “The second,” said Mr. Howard, turning his dark, sunken eyes full upon the + girl, “is another man, not a genius, but one who has suffered, I fear, + nearly as much as one; a man who is very hungry for beauty, and very + impatient of insincerity, and who is accustomed to look to the great + masters of art for all his help and courage.” + </p> + <p> + Helen felt very uncomfortable indeed. + </p> + <p> + “Evidently,” she said, “I am the third.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Mr. Howard, “the pianist is the third. It is the pianist's + place to take the great work and live it, and study it until he knows all + that it means; and then—” + </p> + <p> + “I don't think I took it quite so seriously as that,” said Helen, with a + poor attempt at humility. + </p> + <p> + “No,” said Mr. Howard, gravely; “it was made evident to me that you did + not by every note you played; for you treated it as if it had been a Liszt + show-piece.” + </p> + <p> + Helen was of course exceedingly angry at those last blunt words; but she + was too proud to let her vexation be observed. She felt that she had + gotten herself into the difficulty by asking for serious criticism, for + deep in her heart she knew that it was true, and that she would never have + dared to play the sonata had she known that a musician was present. Helen + felt completely humiliated, her few minutes' conversation having been + enough to put her out of humor with herself and all of her surroundings. + There was a long silence, in which she had time to think of what she had + heard; she felt in spite of herself the folly of what she had done, and + her whole triumph had suddenly come to look very small indeed; yet, as was + natural, she felt only anger against the man who had broken the spell and + destroyed her illusion. She was only the more irritated because she could + not find any ground upon which to blame him. + </p> + <p> + It would have been very difficult for her to have carried on the + conversation after that. Fortunately a diversion occurred, the young + person who had last played having gone to the piano again, this time with + a young man and a violin. + </p> + <p> + “Aunt Polly has found someone to take your place,” said Helen, forcing a + smile. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said the other, “she told me we had another violinist.” + </p> + <p> + The violinist played Raff's Cavatina, a thing with which fiddlers all love + to exhibit themselves; he played it just a little off the key at times, as + Helen might have told by watching her companion's eyebrows. She in the + meantime was trying to recover her equanimity, and to think what else she + could say. “He's the most uncomfortable man I ever met,” she thought with + vexation. “I wish I'd insisted upon keeping away from him!” + </p> + <p> + However, Helen was again relieved from her plight by the fact that as the + fiddler stopped and the faint applause died out, she saw Mr. Harrison + coming towards her. Mr. Harrison had somehow succeeded in extricating + himself from the difficulty in which his hostess had placed him, and had + no doubt guessed that Helen was no better pleased with her new companion. + </p> + <p> + “May I join you?” he asked, as he neared the sofa. + </p> + <p> + “Certainly,” said Helen, smiling; she introduced the two men, and Mr. + Harrison sat down upon the other side of the girl. Somehow or other he + seemed less endurable than he had just before, for his voice was not as + soft as Mr. Howard's, and now that Helen's animation was gone she was + again aware of the millionaire's very limited attainments. + </p> + <p> + “That was a very interesting thing we just heard,” he said. “What was it? + Do you know?” + </p> + <p> + Helen answered that it was Raff's Cavatina. + </p> + <p> + “Cavatina?” said Mr. Harrison. “The name sounds familiar; I may have heard + it before.” + </p> + <p> + Helen glanced nervously at Mr. Howard; but the latter gave no sign. + </p> + <p> + “Mr. Howard is himself a violinist,” she said. “We must be careful what + criticisms we make.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, I do not make any—I do not know enough about it,” said the + other, with heartiness which somehow seemed to Helen to fail of deserving + the palliating epithet of “bluff.” + </p> + <p> + “Mr. Howard has just been telling me about my own playing,” Helen went on, + growing a little desperate. + </p> + <p> + “I hope he admired it as much as I did,” said the unfortunate + railroad-president. + </p> + <p> + “I'm afraid he didn't,” said Helen, trying to turn the matter into a + laugh. + </p> + <p> + “He didn't!” exclaimed Mr. Harrison, in surprise. “Pray, why not?” + </p> + <p> + He asked the question of Mr. Howard, and Helen shuddered, for fear he + might begin with that dreadful “There are always three persons concerned, + you know.” But the man merely said, very quietly, “My criticism was of + rather a technical nature, Mr. Harrison.” + </p> + <p> + “I'm sure, for my part I thought her playing wonderful,” said the + gentleman from Cincinnati, to which the other did not reply. + </p> + <p> + Helen felt herself between two fires and her vexation was increasing every + moment; yet, try as she might, she could not think of anything to change + the subject, and it was fortunate that the watchful Aunt Polly was on hand + to save her. Mrs. Roberts was too diplomatic a person not to see the + unwisdom of putting Mr. Harrison in a position where his deficiencies must + be so very apparent, and so she came over, determined to carry one of the + two men away. She was relieved of the trouble by the fact that, as she + came near, Mr. Howard rose, again with some pain as it seemed to Helen, + and asked the girl to excuse him. “I have been feeling quite ill today,” + he explained. + </p> + <p> + Helen, as she saw him walk away with Mrs. Roberts, sank back with a sigh + which was only half restrained. “A very peculiar person,” said Mr. + Harrison, who was clever enough to divine her vexation.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said the girl, “very, indeed.” + </p> + <p> + “He seemed to be lecturing you about something, from what I saw,” added + the other. The remark was far from being in the best taste, but it pleased + Helen, because it went to justify her to herself, and at the same time + offered her an opportunity to vent her feelings. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” she said. “It was about music; he was very much displeased with + me.” + </p> + <p> + “So!” exclaimed Mr. Harrison. “I hope you do not let that disturb you?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said the girl, laughing,—“or at any rate, I shall soon recover + my equanimity. It is very hard to please a man who plays himself, you + know.” + </p> + <p> + “Or who says he plays,” observed Mr. Harrison. “He <i>didn't</i> play, you + notice.” + </p> + <p> + Helen was pleased to fancy that there might be wisdom in the remark. “Let + us change the subject,” she said more cheerfully. “It is best to forget + things that make one feel uncomfortable.” + </p> + <p> + “I'll leave the finding of a new topic to you,” replied the other, with + graciousness which did a little more to restore Helen's self-esteem. “I + have a very humble opinion of my own conversation.” + </p> + <p> + “Do you like mine?” the girl asked with a laugh. + </p> + <p> + “I do, indeed,” said Mr. Harrison with equally pleasing frankness. “I was + as interested as could be in the story that you were telling me when we + were stopped.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, we'll begin where we left off!” exclaimed Helen, and felt as if she + had suddenly discovered a doorway leading from a prison. She found it easy + to forget the recent events after that, and Mr. Harrison grew more + tolerable to her every moment now that the other was gone; her + self-possession came back to her quickly as she read his admiration in his + eyes. Besides that, it was impossible to forget for very long that Mr. + Harrison was a multi-millionaire, and the object of the envious glances of + every other girl in the room; and so when Aunt Polly returned a while + later she found the conversation between the two progressing very well, + and in fact almost as much enjoyed by both as it had been the first time. + After waiting a few minutes she came to ask Helen to sing for the company, + a treat which she had reserved until the last. + </p> + <p> + Helen's buoyant nature had by that time flung all her doubts behind her, + and this last excitement was all that was needed to sweep her away + entirely again. She went to the piano as exulting as ever in her command + of it and in the homage which it brought her. She sang an arrangement of + the “Preislied,” and she sang it with all the energy and enthusiasm she + possessed; partly because she had a really good voice and enjoyed the + song, and partly because an audience appreciates singing more easily than + any other kind of music. She really scored the success of the evening. + Everybody was as enthusiastic as the limits of good taste allowed, and + Helen was compelled, not in the least against her will, to sing again and + again. While she was laughing with happiness and triumph, something + brought, back “Wohin” to her mind, and she sang it again, quite as gaily + as she had sung it by the streamlet with Arthur. It was enough to delight + even the dullest, and perhaps if Mr. Howard had been there even he would + have applauded a little. + </p> + <p> + At any rate, as Helen rose from the piano she received a complete ovation, + everyone coming to her to thank her and to praise her, and to share in the + joy of her beauty; she herself had never been more radiant and more + exulting in all her exulting life, drinking in even Mr. Harrison's + rapturous compliments and finding nothing exaggerated in them. And in the + meantime, Aunt Polly having suggested a waltz to close the festivities, + the furniture was rapidly moved to one side, and the hostess herself took + her seat at the piano and struck up the “Invitation to the Dance;” Mr. + Harrison, who had been at Helen's side since her singing had ceased, was + of course her partner, and the girl, flushed and excited by all the homage + she had received, was soon waltzing delightedly in his arms. The man + danced well, fortunately for him, and that he was the beautiful girl's + ardent admirer was by this time evident, not only to Helen, but to + everyone else. + </p> + <p> + In the mood that she was then, the fact was as welcome to her as it could + possibly have been, and when, therefore, Mr. Harrison kept her arm and + begged for the next dance, and the next in turn, Helen was sufficiently + carried away to have no wish to refuse him; when after the third dance she + was tired out and sat down to rest, Mr. Harrison was still her companion. + </p> + <p> + Helen was at the very height of her happiness then, every trace of her + former vexation gone, and likewise every trace of her objections to the + man beside her. The music was still sounding merrily, and everyone else + was dancing, so that her animation did not seem at all out of taste; and + so brilliant and fascinating had she become, and so completely enraptured + was Mr. Harrison, that he would probably have capitulated then and there + if the dancing had not ceased and the company separated when it did. The + end of all the excitement was a great disappointment to Helen; she was + completely happy just then, and would have gone just as far as the stream + had carried her. It being her first social experience was probably the + reason that she was less easily wearied than the rest; and besides, when + one has thus yielded to the sway of the senses, he dreads instinctively + the subsiding of the excitement and the awakening of reason. + </p> + <p> + The awakening, however, is one that must always come; Helen, having sent + away the maid, suddenly found herself standing alone in the middle of her + own room gazing at herself in the glass, and seeing a frightened look in + her eyes. The merry laughter of the guests ceased gradually, and silence + settled about the halls of the great house; but even then Helen did not + move. She was standing there still when her aunt came into the room. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Roberts was about as excited as was possible in a matron of her age + and dignity; she flung her arms rapturously around Helen, and clasped her + to her. “My dear,” she cried, “it was a triumph!” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, Auntie,” said Helen, weakly. + </p> + <p> + “You dear child, you!” went on the other, laughing; “I don't believe you + realize it yet! Do you know, Helen, that Mr. Harrison is madly in love + with you? You ought to be the happiest girl in the land tonight!” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, Auntie,” said Helen again, still more weakly. + </p> + <p> + “Come here, my dear,” said Mrs. Roberts, drawing her gently over to the + bed and sitting down beside her; “you are a little dazed, I fancy, and I + do not blame you. I should have been beside myself at your age if such a + thing had happened to me; do you realize, child, what a fortune like Mr. + Harrison's is?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said Helen, “it is very hard, Aunt Polly. I'm afraid about it; I + must have some time to think.” + </p> + <p> + “Think!” laughed the other. “You queer child! My dear, do you actually + mean that you could think of refusing this chance of your lifetime?” + </p> + <p> + “I don't know,” said Helen, trembling; “I don't—” + </p> + <p> + “Everybody'd think you were crazy, child! I know I should, for one.” And + she added, coaxingly, “Let me tell you what Mr. Roberts said.” + </p> + <p> + “What, Auntie?” + </p> + <p> + “He sent you in this message; he's a great person for doing generous + things, when he takes it into his head. He told me to tell you that if + you'd accept Mr. Harrison's offer he would give you the finest trousseau + that he could buy. Wasn't that splendid of him?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Helen, “thank him for me;” and she shuddered. “Don't talk to + me any more about it now, tho,” she pleaded. “Please don't, Aunt Polly. I + was so excited, and it was all like a dream, and I'm half dazed now; I + can't think about it, and I must think, somehow! It's too dreadful!” + </p> + <p> + “You shan't think about it tonight, child,” laughed the other, “for I want + you to sleep and be beautiful tomorrow. See,” she added, beginning to + unfasten Helen's dress, “I'm going to be your little mother tonight, and + put you to bed.” + </p> + <p> + And so, soothing the girl and kissing her burning forehead and trying to + laugh away her fears, her delighted protectress undressed her, and did not + leave her until she had seen her in bed and kissed her again. “And promise + me, child,” she said, “that you won't worry yourself tonight. Go to sleep, + and you'll have time to think tomorrow.” + </p> + <p> + Helen promised that she would; but she did not keep her promise. She heard + the great clock in the hallway strike many times, and when the darkest + hours of the night had passed she was sitting up in bed and gazing about + her at the gray shadows in the room, holding the covering tightly about + her, because she was very cold; she was muttering nervously to herself, + half deliriously: “No, no, I will not do it! They shall not <i>make</i> me + do it! I must have time to think.” + </p> + <p> + And when at last she fell into a restless slumber, that thought was still + in her mind, and those words upon her lips: “I will not do it; I must have + time to think!” + </p> + <p> + [Music: The opening passage of Beethoven's Appassionata Sonata.] + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0006" id="link2HCH0006"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER VI + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “And yet methinks I see it in thy face, + What them shouldst be: th' occasion speaks thee; and + My strong imagination sees a crown + Dropping upon thy head.” + </pre> + <p> + When Helen awoke upon the following morning, the resolution to withstand + her aunt's urging was still strong within her; as she strove to bring back + the swift events of the night before, the first discovery she made was a + headache and a feeling of weariness and dissatisfaction that was new to + her. She arose and looked in the glass, and seeing that she was pale, + vowed again, “They shall not torment me in this way! I do not even mean + that he shall propose to me; I must have time to realize it!” + </p> + <p> + And so firm was she in her own mind that she rang the bell and sent the + maid to call her aunt. It was then only nine o'clock in the morning, and + Helen presumed that neither Mrs. Roberts nor any of the other guests would + be awake, they not being fresh from boarding school as she was; but the + girl was so nervous and restless, and so weighed upon by her urgent + resolution, that she felt she could do nothing else until she had declared + it and gotten rid of the matter. “I'm going to tell her once for all,” she + vowed; “they shall not torment me any more.” + </p> + <p> + It turned out, however, that Mrs. Roberts had been up and dressed a + considerable time,—for a reason which, when Helen learned it, + prevented her delivering so quickly the speech she had upon her mind; she + noticed a worried expression upon her aunt's face as soon as the latter + came into the room. + </p> + <p> + “What is the matter?” she asked, in some surprise. + </p> + <p> + “A very dreadful misfortune, my dear,” said Mrs. Roberts; “I don't know + how to tell you, you'll be so put out.” + </p> + <p> + Helen was quite alarmed as she saw her aunt sink down into a chair; but + then it flashed over her that Mr. Harrison might have for some reason been + called away. + </p> + <p> + “What is it? Tell me!” she asked eagerly. + </p> + <p> + “It's Mr. Howard, my dear,” said the other; and Helen frowned. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, bother!” she cried; “what about him?” + </p> + <p> + “He's been ill during the night,” replied Aunt Polly. + </p> + <p> + “Ill!” exclaimed Helen. “Dear me, what a nuisance!” + </p> + <p> + “Poor man,” said the other, deprecatingly; “he cannot help it.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” exclaimed Helen, “but he ought not to be here. What is the matter + with him?” + </p> + <p> + “I don't know,” was the reply, “but he has been suffering so all night + that the doctor has had to give him an opiate.” + </p> + <p> + The wan countenance of Mr. Howard rose up before Helen just then, and she + shuddered inwardly. + </p> + <p> + “Dear me, what a state of affairs!” she exclaimed. “It seems to me as if I + were to have nothing but fright and worry. Why should there be such things + in the world?” + </p> + <p> + “I don't know, Helen,” said the other, “but it is certainly inopportune + for you. Of course the company will all have to leave.” + </p> + <p> + “To leave!” echoed Helen; she had never once thought of that. + </p> + <p> + “Why, of course,” said her aunt. “It would not be possible to enjoy + ourselves under such very dreadful circumstances.” + </p> + <p> + “But, Aunt Polly, that is a shame!” cried the girl. “The idea of so many + people being inconvenienced for such a cause. Can't he be moved?” + </p> + <p> + “The doctor declares it would be impossible at present, Helen, and it + would not look right anyway, you know. He will certainly have to remain + until he is better.” + </p> + <p> + “And how long will that be?” + </p> + <p> + “A week, or perhaps more,” was the reply. + </p> + <p> + And Helen saw that her promised holiday was ruined; her emotions, however, + were not all of disappointment, for though she was vexed at the + interruptions, she recollected with sudden relief that she could thus + obtain, and without so much effort of her own, the time to debate the + problem of Mr. Harrison. Also there was in her mind, if not exactly pity + for the invalid, at any rate the nearest to it that Helen had ever learned + to feel, an uncomfortable fright at the idea of such suffering. + </p> + <p> + “I promise you,” said Aunt Polly, who had been watching her face and + trying to read her emotions, “that we shall only postpone the good time I + meant to give you. You cannot possibly be more vexed about it than I, for + I was rejoicing in your triumph with Mr. Harrison.” + </p> + <p> + “I'm not worrying on that account,” said Helen, angrily. + </p> + <p> + “Helen, dear,” said Mrs. Roberts, pleadingly, “what can be the matter with + you? I think anyone who was watching you and me would get the idea that I + was the one to whom the fortune is coming. I suppose that was only one of + your jokes, my dear, but I truly don't think you show a realization of + what a tremendous opportunity you have. You show much more lack of + experience than I had any idea could be possible.” + </p> + <p> + “It isn't that, Aunt Polly,” protested Helen; “I realize it, but I want + time to think.” + </p> + <p> + “To think, Helen! But what is there to think? It seems to be madness to + trifle with such a chance.” + </p> + <p> + “Will it be trifling to keep him waiting a while?” asked Helen, laughing + in spite of her vexation. + </p> + <p> + “Maybe not, my dear; but you ought to know that every other girl in this + house would snap him up at one second's notice. If you'd only seen them + watching you last night as I did.” + </p> + <p> + “I saw a little,” was the reply. “But, Aunt Polly, is Mr. Harrison the + only man whom I can find?” + </p> + <p> + “My husband and I have been over the list of our acquaintances, and not + found anyone that can be compared with him for an instant, Helen. We know + of no one that would do for you that has half as much money.” + </p> + <p> + “I never said <i>he'd</i> do for me,” said Helen, again laughing. + “Understand me, Auntie,” she added; “it isn't that I'd not like the + fortune! If I could get it without its attachment—” + </p> + <p> + “But, my dear, you know you can never get any wealth except by marriage; + what is the use of talking such nonsense, even in fun?” + </p> + <p> + “But, listen,” objected Helen in turn; “suppose I don't want such a great + fortune—suppose I should marry one of these other men?” + </p> + <p> + “Helen, if you only could know as much as I know about these things,” said + Mrs. Roberts, “if you only could know the difference between being in the + middle and at the top of the social ladder! Dear, why will you choose + anything but the best when you can have the best if you want it? I tell + you once for all I do not care how clever you are, or how beautiful you + are, the great people will look down on you for an upstart if you cannot + match them and make just as much of a show. And why can you not discover + what your own tastes are? I watched you last night, child; anyone could + have seen that you were in your element! You outshone everyone, Helen, and + you should do just the same all your life. Can you not see just what that + means to you?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, Auntie,” said Helen, “but then—” + </p> + <p> + “Were you not perfectly happy last night?” interrupted the other. + </p> + <p> + “No,” protested the other, “that's just what I was going to say.” + </p> + <p> + “The only reason in the world why you are not, my dear, is that you were + tormenting yourself with foolish scruples. Can you not see that if you + once had the courage to rid yourself of them it would be all that you + need. Why are you so weak, Helen?” + </p> + <p> + “It is not weak!” exclaimed the other. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” asserted Mrs. Roberts, “I say it is weak. It is weak of you not to + comprehend what your life is to be, and what you need for your happiness. + It is a shame for you to make no use of the glorious gifts that are yours, + and to cramp and hinder all your own progress. I want you to have room to + show your true powers, Helen!” + </p> + <p> + Helen had been leaning over the foot of the bed listening to her aunt, + stirred again by all her old emotion, and angry with herself for being + stirred; her unspoken resolution was not quite so steady as it had been, + tho like all good resolutions it remained in her mind to torment her. + </p> + <p> + She sprang up suddenly with a very nervous and forced laugh. “I'm glad I + don't have to argue with you, Auntie,” she said, “and that I'm saved the + trouble of worrying myself ill. You see the Fates are on my side,—I + must have time to think, whether I want to or not.” It was that comfort + which saved her from further struggle with herself upon the subject. + (Helen much preferred being happy to struggling.) She set hurriedly to + work to dress, for her aunt told her that the guests were nearly ready for + breakfast. + </p> + <p> + “Nobody could sleep since all the excitement,” she said. “I wonder it did + not wake you.” + </p> + <p> + “I was tired,” said Helen; “I guess that was it.” + </p> + <p> + “You'll find the breakfast rather a sombre repast,” added Mrs. Roberts, + pathetically. “I've been up nearly three hours myself, so frightened about + poor Mr. Howard; I had neveer seen anyone so dreadfully ill, and I was + quite certain he was in his death agony.” + </p> + <p> + “Aunt Polly!” cried Helen with a sudden wild start, “why do you talk like + that?” + </p> + <p> + “I won't say any more about it,” was the reply, “only hurry up. And put on + your best looks, my dear, for Mr. Harrison to carry away in his memory.” + </p> + <p> + “I'll do that much with pleasure,” was the answer; “and please have the + maid come up to pack my trunks again; for you won't want me to stay now, + of course.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, no,” said Mrs. Roberts, “not unless you want to. Our house won't be a + very cheerful place, I fear.” + </p> + <p> + “I'll come back in a week or two, when you are ready for me,” Helen added; + “in the meantime I can be thinking about Mr. Harrison.” + </p> + <p> + Helen was soon on her way downstairs, for it was terrifying to her to be + alone and in the neighborhood of Mr. Howard. She found a sombre gathering + indeed, for the guests spoke to each other only in half-whispers, and + there were few smiles to be seen. Helen found herself placed opposite Mr. + Harrison at the table, and she had a chance to study him by glances + through the meal. “He's well dressed, anyway,” she mused, “and he isn't + altogether bad. I wonder if I'd <i>dare</i> to marry him.” + </p> + <p> + After breakfast Helen strolled out upon the piazza, perhaps with some + purpose in her mind; for it is not unpleasant to toy with a temptation, + even when one means to resist it. At any rate, she was a little excited + when she heard Mr. Harrison coming out to join her there. + </p> + <p> + “Rather a sad ending of our little party, wasn't it, Miss Davis?” he said. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” answered the girl, “I feel so sorry for poor Mr. Howard.” + </p> + <p> + “He seemed to be rather ill last night,” said the other. He was going to + add that the fact perhaps accounted for the invalid's severity, but he was + afraid of shocking Helen by his levity,—a not entirely necessary + precaution, unfortunately. + </p> + <p> + “You are going back to town this morning, with the others?” Helen asked. + </p> + <p> + “No,” said Mr. Harrison, somewhat to her surprise; “I have a different + plan.” + </p> + <p> + “Good Heavens, does he suppose he's going to stay here with me?” thought + the girl. + </p> + <p> + “I received your aunt's permission to ask you,” continued Mr. Harrison, + “and so I need only yours.” + </p> + <p> + “For what?” Helen inquired, with varied emotions. + </p> + <p> + “To drive you over to Oakdale with my rig,” said the other. “I had it + brought down, you know, because I thought there might be a chance to use + it.” + </p> + <p> + Helen had turned slightly paler, and was staring in front of her. + </p> + <p> + “Are you not fond of driving, then, Miss Davis?” asked the other, as she + hesitated. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Helen, “but I don't like to trouble you—” + </p> + <p> + “I assure you it will be the greatest pleasure in the world,” said Mr. + Harrison; “I only regret that I shall not be able to see more of you, Miss + Davis; it is only for the present, I hope.” + </p> + <p> + “Thank you,” said Helen, still very faintly. + </p> + <p> + “And I have a pair of horses that I am rather proud of,” added Mr. + Harrison, laughing; “I should like you to tell me what you think of them. + Will you give me the pleasure?” + </p> + <p> + And Helen could not hesitate very much longer without being rude. “If you + really wish it, Mr. Harrison,” she said, “very well.” And then someone + else came out on the piazza and cut short the conversation; Helen had no + time to think any more about the matter, but she had a disagreeable + consciousness that her blood was flowing faster again, and that her old + agitation was back in all its strength. Soon afterwards Mrs. Roberts came + out and joined the two. + </p> + <p> + “Miss Davis has granted me the very great favor,” said Mr. Harrison; “I + fear I shall be happier than I ought to be, considering what suffering I + leave behind.” + </p> + <p> + “It will do no good to worry about it,” said Mrs. Roberts, a reflection + which often keeps the world from wasting its sympathy. “I shall have your + carriage brought round.” + </p> + <p> + “Isn't it rather early to start?” asked Helen. + </p> + <p> + “I don't know,” said her aunt; “is it?” + </p> + <p> + “We can take a little drive if it is,” said Mr. Harrison; “I mean that + Miss Davis shall think a great deal of my horses.” + </p> + <p> + Helen said nothing, but stood gazing in front of her across the lawns, her + mind in a tempest of emotions. She could not put away from her the + excitement that Mr. Harrison's presence brought; the visions of wealth and + power which gleamed before her almost overwhelmed her with their vastness. + But she had also the memory of her morning resolve to trouble her + conscience; the result was the same confused helplessness, the dazed and + frightened feeling which she so rebelled against. + </p> + <p> + “I do not <i>want</i> to be troubled in this way,” she muttered angrily to + herself, again and again; “I wish to be let alone, so that I can be + happy!” + </p> + <p> + Yet there was no chance just then for her to find an instant's peace, or + time for further thought; there were half a dozen people about her, and + she was compelled to listen to and answer commonplace remarks about the + beauty of the country in front of her, and about her singing on the + previous evening. + </p> + <p> + She had to stifle her agitation as best she could, and almost before she + realized it her aunt had come to summon her to get ready for the drive. + </p> + <p> + Helen hoped to have a moment's quiet then; but there was nothing to be + done but put on her hat and gloves, and Mrs. Roberts was with her all the + time. “Helen,” she said pleadingly, as she watched the girl surveying + herself in the glass, “I do hope you will not forget all that I told you.” + </p> + <p> + “I wish you would let me alone about it!” cried Helen, very peevishly. + </p> + <p> + “If you only knew, my dear girl, how much I have done for you,” replied + the other, “and how I've planned and looked forward to this time, I don't + think you'd answer me in that way.” + </p> + <p> + “It isn't that, Aunt Polly,” exclaimed Helen, “but I am so confused and I + don't know what to think.” + </p> + <p> + “I am trying my poor, humble best to show you what to think. And you could + not possibly feel more worried than I just now; Helen, you could be rid of + all these doubts and struggles in one instant, if you chose. Ask yourself + if it is not true; you have only to give yourself into the arms of the + happiness that calls you. And you never will get rid of the matter in any + other way,—indeed you will not! If you should fling away this + chance, the memory of it would never leave you all your life; after you + knew it was too late, you would torment yourself a thousand times more + than ever you can now.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, dear, dear!” cried Helen, half hysterically; “I can't stand that, + Aunt Polly. I'll do anything, only let me alone! My head is aching to + split, and I don't know where I am.” + </p> + <p> + “And you will never find another chance like it, Helen,” went on the + other, with sledge-hammer remorselessness. “For if you behave in this + perfectly insane way and lose this opportunity, I shall simply give you up + in despair at your perversity.” + </p> + <p> + “But I haven't said I was going to lose it,” the girl exclaimed. “He won't + be any the less in love with me if I make him wait, Aunt Polly!—” + </p> + <p> + “Mr. Harrison was going back to Cincinnati in a day or two,” put in Mrs. + Roberts, swiftly. + </p> + <p> + “He will stay if I wish him to,” was the girl's reply. “There is no need + for so much worry; one would think I was getting old.” + </p> + <p> + “Old!” laughed the other. “You are so beautiful this morning, Helen, that + I could fall in love with you myself.” She turned the girl towards her, + seeing that her toilet was finished. “I haven't a thought in the world, + dear, but to keep you so beautiful,” she said; “I hate to see you + tormenting yourself and making yourself so pale; why will you not take my + advice and fling all these worries aside and let yourself be happy? That + is all I want you to do, and it is so easy! Why is it that you do not want + to be happy? I like to see you smile, Helen!” And Helen, who was tired of + struggling, made a wry attempt to oblige her, and then broke into a laugh + at herself. Meanwhile the other picked a rose from a great bunch of them + that lay upon the bureau, and pinned it upon her dress. + </p> + <p> + “There, child,” she, said, “he can never resist you now, I know!” + </p> + <p> + Helen kissed her excitedly upon the cheek, and darted quickly out of the + door, singing, in a brave attempt to bring back her old, merry self:— + </p> + <p> + “The flowers that bloom in the spring, tra-la-la, Have nothing to do with + the case.” + </p> + <p> + A moment later, however, she recollected Mr. Howard and his misfortune, + and her heart sank; she ran quickly down the steps to get the thought of + him from her mind. + </p> + <p> + It was easy enough to forget him and all other troubles as well when she + was once outside upon the piazza; for there were plenty of happy people, + and everyone crowded about her to bid her good-by. There too was Mr. + Harrison standing upon the steps waiting for her, and there was his + driving-cart with two magnificent black horses, alert and eager for the + sport. Helen was not much of a judge of horses, having never had one of + her own to drive, but she had the eye of a person of aristocratic tastes + for what was in good form, and she saw that Mr. Harrison's turnout was all + of that, with another attraction for her, that it was daring; for the + horses were lithe, restless creatures, thoroughbreds, both of them; and it + looked as if they had not been out of the stable in a week. They were + giving the groom who held them all that he could do. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Harrison held out his hand to the girl as she came down the steps, and + eyed her keenly to see if her flushed cheeks would betray any sign of + fear. But Helen's emotions were surging too strongly for such thoughts, + and she had, besides, a little of the thoroughbred nature herself. She + laughed gaily as she gave her hand to her companion and sprang into the + wagon; he followed her, and as he took the reins the groom sprang aside + and the two horses bounded away down the broad avenue. Helen turned once + to wave her hand in answer to the chorus of good-bys that sounded from the + porch, and then she faced about and sank back into the seat and drank in + with delight the fresh morning breeze that blew in her face. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, I think this is fine!” she cried. + </p> + <p> + “You like driving, then?” asked the other. + </p> + <p> + “Yes indeed,” was the reply. “I like this kind ever so much.” + </p> + <p> + “Wait until we get out on the high-road,” said Mr. Harrison, “and then we + will see what we can do. I came from the West, you know, Miss Davis, so I + think I am wise on the subject of horses.” + </p> + <p> + The woods on either side sped by them, and Helen's emotions soon began to + flow faster. It was always easy for her to forget everything and lose + herself in feelings of joy and power, and it was especially easy when she + was as much wrought up as she was just then. It was again her ride with + the thunderstorm, and soon she felt as if she were being swept out into + the rejoicing and the victory once more. She might have realized, if she + had thought, that her joy was coming only because she was following her + aunt's advice, and yielding herself into the arms of her temptation; but + Helen was thoroughly tired of thinking; she wanted to feel, and again and + again she drank in deep breaths of the breeze. + </p> + <p> + It was only a minute or so before they passed the gates of the Roberts + place, and swept out of the woods and into the open country. It was really + inspiring then, for Mr. Harrison gave his horses the reins, and Helen was + compelled to hold on to her hat. He saw delight and laughter glowing in + her countenance as she watched the landscape that fled by them, with its + hillsides clad in their brightest green and with its fresh-plowed + farm-lands and snowy orchards; the clattering of the horses' hoofs and the + whirring of the wheels in the sandy road were music and inspiration such + as Helen longed for, and she would have sung with all her heart had she + been alone. + </p> + <p> + As was her way, she talked instead, with the same animation and glow that + had fascinated her companion upon the previous evening. She talked of the + sights that were about them, and when they came to the top of the hill and + paused to gaze around at the view, she told about her trip through the + Alps, and pictured the scenery to him, and narrated some of her + mountain-climbing adventures; and then Mr. Harrison, who must have been a + dull man indeed not to have felt the contagion of Helen's happiness, told + her about his own experiences in the Rockies, to which the girl listened + with genuine interest. Mr. Harrison's father, so he told her, had been a + station-agent of a little town in one of the wildest portions of the + mountains; he himself had begun as a railroad surveyor, and had risen step + by step by constant exertion and watchfulness. It was a story of a + self-made man, such as Helen had vowed to her aunt she could not bear to + listen to; yet she did not find it disagreeable just then. There was an + exciting story of a race with a rival road, to secure the right to the + best route across the mountains; Helen found it quite as exciting as + music, and said so. + </p> + <p> + “Perhaps it is a kind of music,” said Mr. Harrison, laughing; “it is the + only kind I have cared anything about, excepting yours.” + </p> + <p> + “I had no idea people had to work so hard in the world,” said Helen, + dodging the compliment. + </p> + <p> + “They do, unless they have someone else to do it for them,” said the + other. “It is a fierce race, nowadays, and a man has to watch and think + every minute of the time. But it is glorious to triumph.” + </p> + <p> + Helen found herself already a little more in a position to realize what + ten million dollars amounted to, and very much more respectful and + awe-stricken in her relation to them. She was sufficiently oblivious to + the flight of time to be quite surprised when she gazed about her, and + discovered that they were within a couple of miles of home. “I had no idea + of how quickly we were going,” she said. + </p> + <p> + “You are not tired, then?” asked the other. + </p> + <p> + “No indeed,” Helen answered, “I enjoyed it ever so much.” + </p> + <p> + “We might drive farther,” said Mr. Harrison; “these horses are hardly + waked up.” + </p> + <p> + He reined them in a little and glanced at his watch. “It's just eleven,” + he said, “I think there'd be time,” and he turned to her with a smile. + “Would you like to have an adventure?” he asked. + </p> + <p> + “I generally do,” replied the girl. “What is it?” + </p> + <p> + “I was thinking of a drive,” said the other; “one that we could just about + take and return by lunch-time; it is about ten miles from here.” + </p> + <p> + “What is it?” asked Helen. + </p> + <p> + “I have just bought a country place near here,” said Mr. Harrison. “I + thought perhaps you would like to see it.” + </p> + <p> + “My aunt spoke of it,” Helen answered; “the Eversons' old home.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said the other; “you know it, then?” + </p> + <p> + “I only saw it once in my life, when I was a very little girl,” Helen + replied, “and so I have only a dim recollection of its magnificence; the + old man who lived there never saw any company.” + </p> + <p> + “It had to be sold because he failed in business,” said Mr. Harrison. + “Would you like to drive over?” + </p> + <p> + “Very much,” said Helen, and a minute later, when they came to a fork in + the road, they took the one which led them to “Fairview,” as the place was + called. + </p> + <p> + “I think it a tremendously fine property myself,” said Mr. Harrison; “I + made up my mind to have it the first time I saw it. I haven't seen + anything around here to equal it, and I hope to make a real English + country-seat out of it. I'll tell you about what I want to do when we get + there, and you can give me your advice; a man never has good taste, you + know.” + </p> + <p> + “I should like to see it,” answered Helen, smiling; “I have a passion for + fixing up things.” + </p> + <p> + “We had an exciting time at the sale,” went on Mr. Harrison reminiscently. + “You know Mr. Everson's family wanted to keep the place themselves, and + the three or four branches of the family had clubbed together to buy it; + when the bidding got near the end, there was no one left but the family + and myself.” + </p> + <p> + “And you got it?” said Helen. “How cruel!” + </p> + <p> + “The strongest wins,” laughed the other. “I had made up my mind to have + it. The Eversons are a very aristocratic family, aren't they?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Helen, “very, indeed; they have lived in this part of the + country since the Revolution.” As Mr. Harrison went on to tell her the + story of the sale she found herself vividly reminded of what her aunt had + told her of the difference between having a good deal of money and all the + money one wanted. Perhaps, also, her companion was not without some such + vaguely felt purpose in the telling. At any rate, the girl was trembling + inwardly more and more at the prospect which was unfolding itself before + her; as excitement always acted upon her as a stimulant, she was at her + very best during the rest of the drive. She and her companion were + conversing very merrily indeed when Fairview was reached. + </p> + <p> + The very beginning of the place was imposing, for there was a high wall + along the roadway for perhaps a quarter of a mile, and then two massive + iron gates set in great stone pillars; they were opened by the gate-keeper + in response to Mr. Harrison's call. Once inside the two had a drive of + some distance through what had once been a handsome park, though it was a + semi-wilderness then. The road ascended somewhat all the way, until the + end of the forest was reached, and the first view of the house was gained; + Helen could scarcely restrain a cry of pleasure as she saw it, for it was + really a magnificent old mansion, built of weather-beaten gray stone, and + standing upon a high plateau, surrounded by a lawn and shaded by half a + dozen great oaks; below it the lawn sloped in a broad terrace, and in the + valley thus formed gleamed a little trout-pond, set off at the back by a + thickly-wooded hillside. + </p> + <p> + “Isn't it splendid!” the girl exclaimed, gazing about her. + </p> + <p> + “I thought it was rather good,” said Mr. Harrison, deprecatingly. “It can + be made much finer, of course.” + </p> + <p> + “When you take your last year's hay crop from the lawn, for one thing,” + laughed she. “But I had no idea there was anything so beautiful near our + little Oakdale. Just look at that tremendous entrance!” + </p> + <p> + “It's all built in royal style,” said Mr. Harrison. “The family must have + been wealthy in the old days.” + </p> + <p> + “Probably slave-dealers, or something of that kind,” observed Helen. “Is + the house all furnished inside?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said the other, “but I expect to do most of it over. Wouldn't you + like to look?” He asked the question as he saw the gate-keeper coming up + the road, presumably with the keys. + </p> + <p> + The girl gazed about her dubiously; she would have liked to go in, except + that she was certain it would be improper. Helen had never had much + respect for the proprieties, however, being accustomed to rely upon her + own opinions of things; and in the present case, besides, she reflected + that no one would ever know anything about it. + </p> + <p> + “We'd not have time to do more than glance around,” continued the other, + “but we might do that, if you like.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Helen, after a moment more of hesitation, “I think I should.” + </p> + <p> + Her heart was beating very fast as the two ascended the great stone steps + and as the door opened before them; her mind could not but be filled with + the overwhelming thought that all that she saw might be hers if she really + wanted it. The mere imagining of Mr. Harrison's wealth had been enough to + make her thrill and burn, so it was to be expected that the actual + presence of some of it would not fail of its effect. It is to be observed + that the great Temptation took place upon a high mountain, where the + kingdoms of the earth could really be seen; and Helen as she gazed around + had the further knowledge that the broad landscape and palatial house, + which to her were almost too splendid to be real, were after all but a + slight trifle to her companion. + </p> + <p> + The girl entered the great hallway, with its huge fireplace and its + winding stairway, and then strolled through the parlors of the vast house; + Helen had in all its fullness the woman's passion for spending money for + beautiful things, and it had been her chief woe in all her travels that + the furniture and pictures and tapestry which she gazed at with such keen + delight must be forever beyond her thoughts. Just at present her fancy was + turned loose and madly reveling in these memories, while always above her + wildest flights was the intoxicating certainty that there was no reason + why they should not all be possible. She could not but recollect with a + wondering smile that only yesterday she had been happy at the thought of + arranging one dingy little parlor in her country parsonage, and had been + trying to persuade her father to the extravagance of re-covering two + chairs. + </p> + <p> + It would have been hard for Helen to keep her emotions from Mr. Harrison, + and he must have guessed the reason why she was so flushed and excited. + They were standing just then in the center of the great dining-room, with + its massive furniture of black mahogany, and she was saying that it ought + to be papered in dark red, and was conjuring up the effect to herself. + “Something rich, you know, to set off the furniture,” she explained. + </p> + <p> + “And you must take that dreadful portrait from over the mantel,” she + added, laughing. (It was a picture of a Revolutionary warrior, on + horseback and in full uniform, the coloring looking like faded oilcloth.) + </p> + <p> + “I had thought of that myself,” said Mr. Harrison. “It's the founder of + the Eversons; there's a picture gallery in a hall back of here, with two + whole rows of ancestors in it.” + </p> + <p> + “Why don't you adopt them?” asked Helen mischievously. + </p> + <p> + “One can buy all the ancestors one wants to, nowadays,” laughed Mr. + Harrison. “I thought I'd make something more interesting out of it. I'm + not much of a judge of art, you know, but I thought if I ever went abroad + I'd buy up some of the great paintings that one reads about—some of + the old masters, you know.” + </p> + <p> + “I'm afraid you'd find very few of them for sale,” said Helen, smiling. + </p> + <p> + “I'm not accustomed to fail in buying things that I want,” was the other's + reply. “Are you fond of pictures?” + </p> + <p> + “Very much indeed,” answered the girl. As a matter of fact, the mere + mention of the subject opened a new kingdom to her, for she could not + count the number of times she had sat before beautiful pictures and almost + wept at the thought that she could never own one that was really worth + looking at. “I brought home a few myself,” she said to her companion,—“just + engravings, you know, half a dozen that I thought would please me; I mean + to hang them around my music-room.” + </p> + <p> + “Tell me about it,” said Mr. Harrison. “I have been thinking of fixing up + such a place myself, you know. I thought of extending the house on the + side that has the fine view of the valley, and making part a piazza, and + part a conservatory or music-room.” + </p> + <p> + “It could be both!” exclaimed the girl, eagerly. “That would be the very + thing; there ought not to be anything in a music-room, you know, except + the piano and just a few chairs, and the rest all flowers. The pictures + ought all to be appropriate—pictures of nature, of things that dance + and are beautiful; oh, I could lose myself in such a room as that!” and + Helen ran on, completely carried away by the fancy, and forgetting even + Mr. Harrison for a moment. + </p> + <p> + “I have often dreamed of such a place,” she said, “where everything would + be sympathetic; it's a pity that one can't have a piano taken out into the + fields, the way I remember reading that Haydn used to do with his + harpsichord. If I were a violinist, that's the way I'd do all my playing, + because then one would not need to be afraid to open his eyes; oh, it + would be fine—” + </p> + <p> + Helen stopped; she was at the height of her excitement just then; and the + climax came a moment afterwards. “Miss Davis,” asked the man, “would you + really like to arrange such a music-room?” + </p> + <p> + The tone of his voice was so different that the girl comprehended + instantly; it was this moment to which she had been rushing with so much + exultation; but when it came her heart almost stopped beating, and she + gave a choking gasp. + </p> + <p> + “Would you really like it?” asked Mr. Harrison again, bending towards her + earnestly. + </p> + <p> + “Why, certainly,” said Helen, making one blind and desperate effort to + dodge the issue. “I'll tell you everything that is necessary.” + </p> + <p> + “That is not what I mean, Miss Davis!” + </p> + <p> + “Not?” echoed Helen, and she tried to look at him with her frank, open + eyes; but when she saw his burning look, she could not; she dropped her + eyes and turned scarlet. + </p> + <p> + “Miss Davis,” went on the man rapidly, “I have been waiting for a chance + to tell you this. Let me tell you now!” + </p> + <p> + Helen gazed wildly about her once, as if she would have fled; then she + stood with her arms lying helplessly at her sides, trembling in every + nerve. + </p> + <p> + “There is very little pleasure that one can get from such beautiful things + alone, Miss Davis, and especially when he is as dulled by the world as + myself. I thought that some day I might be able to share them with some + one who could enjoy them more than I, but I never knew who that person was + until last night. I know that I have not much else to offer you, except + what wealth and position I have gained; and when I think of all your + accomplishments, and all that you have to place you so far beyond me, I + almost fear to offer myself to you. But I can only give what I have—my + humble admiration of your beauty and your powers; and the promise to + worship you, to give the rest of my life to seeing that you have + everything in the world that you want. I will put all that I own at your + command, and get as much more as I can, with no thought but of your + happiness.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Harrison could not have chosen words more fitted to win the trembling + girl beside him; that, he should recognize as well as she did her + superiority to him, removed half of his deficiency in her eyes. + </p> + <p> + “Miss Davis,” the other went on, “I cannot know how you will feel toward + such a promise, but I cannot but feel that what I possess could give you + opportunities of much happiness. You should have all the beauty about you + that you wished, for there is nothing in the world too beautiful for you; + and you should have every luxury that money can buy, to save you from all + care. If this house seemed too small for you, you should have another + wherever you desired it, and be mistress of it, and of everything in it; + and if you cared for a social career, you should have everything to help + you, and it would be my one happiness to see your triumph. I would give a + thousand times what I own to have you for my wife.” + </p> + <p> + So the man continued, pleading his cause, until at last he stopped, + waiting anxiously for a sign from the girl; he saw that she was agitated, + for her breast was heaving, and her forehead flushed, but he could not + tell the reason. “Perhaps, Miss Davis,” he said, humbly, “you will scorn + such things as I have to offer you; tell me, is it that?” + </p> + <p> + Helen answered him, in a faint voice, “It is not that, Mr. Harrison; it + is,—it is,—” + </p> + <p> + “What, Miss Davis?” + </p> + <p> + “It has been but a day! I have had no time to know you—to love you.” + </p> + <p> + And Helen stopped, afraid at the words she herself was using; for she knew + that for the first time in her life she had stooped to a sham and a lie. + Her whole soul was ablaze with longing just then, with longing for the + power and the happiness which this man held out to her; and she meant to + take him, she had no longer a thought of resistance. It was all the world + which offered itself to her, and she meant to clasp it to her—to + lose herself quite utterly and forget herself in it, and she was already + drunk with the thought. Therefore she could not but shudder as she heard + the word “love” upon her lips, and knew that she had used it because she + wished to make a show of hesitation. + </p> + <p> + “I did not need but one day, Miss Davis,” went on the other pleadingly, + “to know that I loved you—to know that I no longer set any value on + the things that I had struggled all my life to win; for you are perfect, + Miss Davis. You are so far beyond me that I have scarcely the courage to + ask you what I do. But I <i>must</i> ask you, and know my fate.” + </p> + <p> + He stopped again and gazed at her; and Helen looked at him wildly, and + then turned away once more, trembling. She wished that he would only + continue still longer, for the word was upon her lips, and yet it was + horror for her to utter it, because she felt she ought not to yield so + soon,—because she wanted some delay; she sought for some word that + would be an evasion, that would make him urge her more strongly; she + wished to be wooed and made to surrender, and yet she could find no + pretext. + </p> + <p> + “Answer me, Miss Davis!” exclaimed the other, passionately. + </p> + <p> + “What—what do you wish me to say?” asked Helen faintly. + </p> + <p> + “I wish you to tell me that you will be my wife; I wish you to take me for + what I can give you for your happiness and your glory. I ask nothing else, + I make no terms; if you will do it, it will make me the happiest man in + the world. There is nothing else that I care for in life.” + </p> + <p> + And then as the girl still stood, flushed and shuddering, hovering upon + the verge, he took her hand in his and begged her to reply. “You must not + keep me in suspense!” he exclaimed. “You must tell me,—tell me.” + </p> + <p> + And Helen, almost sinking, answered him “Yes!” It was such a faint word + that she scarcely heard it herself, but the other heard it, and trembling + with delight, he caught her in his arms and pressed a burning kiss upon + her cheek. + </p> + <p> + The effect surprised him; for the fire which had burned Helen and inflamed + her cheeks had been ambition, and ambition alone. It was the man's money + that she wanted and she was stirred with no less horror than ever at the + thought of the price to be paid; therefore the touch of his rough mustache + upon her cheek acted upon her as an electric contact, and all the shame in + her nature burst into flame. She tore herself loose with almost a scream. + “No, no!” she cried. “Stop!” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Harrison gazed at her in astonishment for a moment, scarcely able to + find a word to say. “Miss Davis,” he protested, “Helen—what is the + matter?” + </p> + <p> + “You had no right to do that!” she cried, trembling with anger. + </p> + <p> + “Helen!” protested the other, “have you not just promised to be my wife?” + And the words made the girl turn white and drop her eyes in fear. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, yes,” she panted helplessly, “but you should not—it is too + soon!” The other stood watching her, perhaps divining a little of the + cause of her agitation, and feeling, at any rate, that he could be + satisfied for the present with his success. He answered, very humbly, + “Perhaps you are right; I am very sorry for offending you,” and stood + silently waiting until the girl's emotions had subsided a little, and she + had looked at him again. “You will pardon me?” he asked. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, yes,” she said, weakly, “only—” + </p> + <p> + “And you will not forget the promise you have made me?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” she answered, and then she gazed anxiously toward the door. “Let us + go,” she said imploringly; “it is all so hard for me to realize, and I + feel so very faint.” + </p> + <p> + The two went slowly down the hallway, Mr. Harrison not even venturing to + offer her his arm; outside they stood for a minute upon the high steps, + Helen leaning against a pillar and breathing very hard. She dared not + raise her eyes to the man beside her. + </p> + <p> + “You wish to go now?” he asked, gently. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, please,” she replied, “I think so; it is very late.” + </p> + <p> + Helen scarcely knew what happened during the drive home, for she passed it + in a half-dazed condition, almost overwhelmed by what she had done. She + answered mechanically to all Mr. Harrison's remarks about his arrangements + of the house and his plans elsewhere, but all reference to his wealth + seemed powerless to waken in her a trace of the exultation that had swept + her away before, while every allusion to their personal relationship was + like the touch of fire. Her companion seemed to divine the fact, and again + he begged her anxiously not to forget the promise she had given. Helen + answered faintly that she would not; but the words were hard for her to + say and it was an infinite relief to her to see Oakdale again, and to feel + that the strain would soon be over, for the time at any rate. + </p> + <p> + “I shall stay somewhere in the neighborhood,” said Mr. Harrison. “You will + let me see you often, Helen, will you not?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” answered Helen, mechanically. + </p> + <p> + “I will come to-morrow,” said the other, “and take you driving if you + like; I promised to go back and lunch with your aunt to-day, as I thought + I was to return to the city.” In a moment more the carriage stopped in + front of Helen's home, and the girl, without waiting for anyone to assist + her, leaped out and with a hasty word of parting, ran into the house. She + heard the horses trotting away, and then the door closed behind her, and + she stood in the dark, silent hallway. She saw no one, and after gazing + about her for a moment she stole into her little music-room and flung + herself down upon the couch, where she lay with her head buried in her + hands. + </p> + <p> + It was a long time afterwards when she glanced up again; she was trembling + all over, and her face was white. + </p> + <p> + “In Heaven's name, how can I have done it?” she whispered hoarsely, to + herself. “How can I have done it? And what <i>am</i> I to do now?” + </p> + <p> + Nur wer der Minne Macht ent-sagt, nur wer der Liebe Lust verjagt + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0007" id="link2HCH0007"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER VII + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Wie kommt's, dass du so traurig bist, + Da alles froh erscheint? + Man sieht dir's an den Augen an, + Gewiss, du hast geweint.” + </pre> + <p> + Helen might have spent the afternoon in that situation, tormenting herself + with the doubts and fears that filled her mind, had it not been for the + fact that her presence was discovered by Elizabeth, the servant, who came + in to clean the room. The latter of course was astonished to see her, but + Helen was in no mood to vouchsafe explanations. + </p> + <p> + “Just leave me alone,” she said. “I do not feel very well. And don't tell + father I am here yet.” + </p> + <p> + “Your father, Miss Helen!” exclaimed the woman; “didn't you get his + letter?” + </p> + <p> + “What letter?” And then poor Helen was made aware of another trouble. + </p> + <p> + “Mr. Davis wrote Mrs. Roberts last night,” answered the servant. “He's + gone away.” + </p> + <p> + “Away!” cried the girl. “Where to?” + </p> + <p> + “To New York.” Then the woman went on to explain that Mr. Davis had been + invited to take the place of a friend who was ill, and had left Oakdale + for a week. Helen understood that the letter must have reached her aunt + after her own departure. + </p> + <p> + “Dear me!” the girl exclaimed, “How unfortunate! I don't want to stay here + alone.” + </p> + <p> + But afterwards it flashed over her that if she did she might be able to + have a week of quiet to regain her self-possession. “Mr. Harrison couldn't + expect to visit me if I were alone,” she thought. “But then, I suppose he + could, too,” she added hastily, “if I am engaged to him! And I could never + stand that!” + </p> + <p> + “Miss Helen,” said the servant, who had been standing and watching her + anxiously, “you look very ill; is anything the matter?” + </p> + <p> + “Nothing,” Helen answered, “only I want to rest. Leave me alone, please, + Elizabeth.” + </p> + <p> + “Are you going to stay?” the other asked; “I must fix up your room.” + </p> + <p> + “I'll have to stay,” said Helen. “There's nothing else to do.” + </p> + <p> + “Have you had lunch yet?” + </p> + <p> + “No, but I don't want any; just let me be, please.” + </p> + <p> + Helen expected the woman to protest, but she did not. She turned away, and + the girl sank back upon the couch and covered her face again. + </p> + <p> + “Everything has gone wrong!” she groaned to herself, “I know I shall die + of despair; I don't want to be here all alone with Mr. Harrison coming + here. Dear me, I wish I had never seen him!” + </p> + <p> + And Helen's nervous impatience grew upon her, until she could stand it no + more, and she sprang up and began pacing swiftly up and down the room; she + was still doing that when she heard a step in the hall and saw the + faithful servant in the doorway with a tray of luncheon. Elizabeth asked + no questions about matters that did not concern her, but she regarded this + as her province, and she would pay no attention to Helen's protests. + “You'll be ill if you don't eat,” she vowed; “you look paler than I ever + saw you.” + </p> + <p> + And so the girl sat down to attempt to please her, Elizabeth standing by + and talking to her in the meantime; but Helen was so wrapped up in her own + thoughts that she scarcely heard a word—until the woman chanced to + ask one question: “Did you hear about Mr. Arthur?” + </p> + <p> + And Helen gazed up at her. “Hear about him?” she said, “hear what about + him?” + </p> + <p> + “He's very ill,” said Elizabeth. Helen gave a start. + </p> + <p> + “Ill!” she gasped. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Elizabeth, “I thought you must know; Mr. Davis was over to see + him yesterday.” + </p> + <p> + “What is the matter?” + </p> + <p> + “The doctor said he must have been fearfully run down, and he was out in + the storm and caught a cold; and he's been in a very bad way, delirious + and unconscious by turns for two or three days.” + </p> + <p> + Helen was staring at the servant in a dumb fright. “Tell me, Elizabeth,” + she cried, scarcely able to say the words, “he is not dangerously ill?” + </p> + <p> + “The danger is over now,” the other answered, “so the doctor said, or else + Mr. Davis would never have left; but he's in a bad way and it may be some + time before he's up again.” + </p> + <p> + Perhaps it was the girl's overwrought condition that made her more easily + alarmed just then, for she was trembling all over as she heard those + words. She had forgotten Arthur almost entirely during the past two days, + and he came back to her at that moment as another thorn in her conscience. + </p> + <p> + “Mr. Davis said he wrote you to go and see him,” went on the servant; + “shall you, Miss Helen?” + </p> + <p> + “I—I don't know,” said Helen faintly, “I'll see.” + </p> + <p> + As a matter of fact, she knew that she almost certainly would <i>not</i> + go to see Arthur after what had just passed; even to have him find out + about it was something of which she simply could not think. She felt dread + enough at having to tell her father of what had occurred with Mr. + Harrison, and to see Arthur, even though he did not know about it, she + knew was not in her power. + </p> + <p> + “Perhaps I ought not to have told you about it until after you had had + your lunch; you are not eating anything, Miss Helen.” + </p> + <p> + “I don't want anything,” said Helen, mournfully; “take it now, please, + Elizabeth, and please do not trouble me any more. I have a great deal to + worry me.” + </p> + <p> + When the woman had left the room, Helen shut the door and then sat down on + a chair, staring blankly before her; there was a mirror just across the + room, and her own image caught her eye, startling her by its pale and + haggard look. + </p> + <p> + “Dear me, it's dreadful!” she cried aloud, springing up. “Why <i>did</i> I + let people trouble me in this way? I can't help Arthur, and I couldn't + have helped him in the beginning. It's every bit of it his own fault, and + I don't see why I should let it make me ill. And it's the same with the + other thing; I could have been happy without all that wealth if I'd never + seen it, and now I know I'll never be happy again,—oh, I know it!” + </p> + <p> + And Helen began once more pacing up and down. + </p> + <p> + “I never was this way before in my life,” she cried with increasing + vexation, “and I won't have it!” + </p> + <p> + She clenched her hands angrily, struggling within herself to shake off + what was tormenting her. But she might as well have tried to shake off a + mountain from her shoulders; hers had been none of the stern experience + that gives power and command to the character, and of the kind of energy + that she needed she had none, and not even a thought of it. She tried only + to forget her troubles in some of her old pleasures, and when she found + that she could not read, and that the music she tried to play sounded + hollow and meaningless, she could only fling herself down upon the sofa + with a moan. There, realizing her own impotence, she sank into dull + despair, unable any longer to realize the difficulties which troubled her, + and with only one certainty in her mind—that she was more lost and + helpless than she had ever thought it possible for her to be. + </p> + <p> + Time is not a thing of much consequence under such circumstances, and it + was a couple of hours before Helen was aroused. She heard a carriage stop + at the door, and sprang up in alarm, with the thought that it might be Mr. + Harrison. But as she stood trembling in the middle of the room she heard a + voice inquiring for her, and recognized it as that of her aunt; a moment + later Mrs. Roberts rushed into the room, and catching sight of Helen, + flung her arms eagerly about her. + </p> + <p> + “My dear girl,” she cried, “Mr. Harrison has just told me about what has + happened!” And then as she read her niece's state of mind in her + countenance, she added, “I expected to find you rejoicing, Helen; what is + the matter?” + </p> + <p> + In point of fact the woman had known pretty well just how she would find + Helen, and having no idea of leaving her to her own tormenting fancies, + she had driven over the moment she had finished her lunch. “I received + your father's letter,” she said, without waiting for Helen to answer her, + “so I came right over to take you back.” + </p> + <p> + “To take me back!” echoed Helen. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, my dear; you don't suppose I mean to leave you here all alone by + yourself, do you? And especially at such a time as this, when Mr. Harrison + wants to see you?” + </p> + <p> + “But, Aunt Polly,” protested Helen, “I don't want to see him!” + </p> + <p> + “Don't want to see him? Why, my dear girl, you have promised to be his + wife!” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Roberts saw Helen shudder slightly, and so she went on quickly, “He + is going to stay at the hotel in the village; you won't find it the same + as being in the house with him. But I do assure you, child, there never + was a man more madly in love than he is.” + </p> + <p> + “But, Auntie, dear, that Mr. Howard, too!” protested Helen, trembling. + </p> + <p> + “He will not interfere with you, for he never makes any noise; and you'll + not know he's there. Of course, you won't play the piano, but you can do + anything else you choose. And Mr. Harrison will probably take you driving + every day.” Then seeing how agitated Helen was, her aunt put her arms + around her again, and led her to the sofa. “Come, Helen,” she said, “I + don't blame you for being nervous. I know just how you feel, my dear.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, Aunt Polly!” moaned the girl. “I am so wretched!” + </p> + <p> + “I know,” laughed Aunt Polly; “it's the idea of having to marry him, I + suppose; I felt the very same way when I was in your place. But you'll + find that wears off very quickly; you'll get used to seeing him. And + besides, you know that you've <i>got</i> to marry him, if you want any of + the other happiness!” + </p> + <p> + And Mrs. Roberts stopped and gazed about her. “Think, for instance, my + dear,” she went on, “of having to be content with this dingy little room, + after having seen that magnificent place of his! Do you know, Helen, dear, + that I really envy you; and it seems quite ridiculous to come over here + and find you moping around. One would think you were a hermit and did not + care anything about life.” + </p> + <p> + “I do care about it,” said the other, “and I love beautiful things and + all; but, Aunt Polly, I can't help thinking it's dreadful to have to + marry.” + </p> + <p> + “Come and learn to like Mr. Harrison,” said the other, cheerfully. “Helen, + you are really too weak to ruin your peace of mind in this way; for you + could see if you chose that all your troubles are of your own making, and + that if you were really determined to be happy, you could do it. Why don't + you, dear?” + </p> + <p> + “I don't know,” protested the girl, faintly; “perhaps I am weak, but I + can't help it.” + </p> + <p> + “Of course not,” laughed the other, “if you spend your afternoons shut up + in a half-dark room like this. When you come with me you won't be able to + do that way; and I tell you you'll find there's nothing like having social + duties and an appearance to maintain in the world to keep one cheerful. If + you didn't have me at your elbow I really believe you'd go all to pieces.” + </p> + <p> + “I fear I should,” said the girl; but she could not help laughing as she + allowed herself to be led upstairs, and to have the dust bathed from her + face and the wrinkles smoothed from her brow. In the meantime her + diplomatic aunt was unobtrusively dropping as many hints as she could + think of to stir Helen to a sense of the fact that she had suddenly become + a person of consequence; and whether it was these hints or merely the + reaction natural to Helen, it is certain that she was much calmer when she + went down to the carriage, and much more disposed to resign herself to + meeting Mr. Harrison again. And Mrs. Roberts was correspondingly glad that + she had been foreseeing enough to come and carry her away; she had great + confidence in her ability to keep Helen from foolish worrying, and to + interest her in the great future that was before her. + </p> + <p> + “And then it's just as well that she should be at my house where she can + find the comfort that she loves,” she reflected. “I can see that she + learns to love it more every day.” + </p> + <p> + The great thing, of course, was to keep her ambition as much awake as + possible, and so during the drive home Mrs. Roberts' conversation was of + the excitement which the announcement of Helen's engagement would create + in the social world, and of the brilliant triumph which the rest of her + life would be, and of the vast preparations which she was to make for it. + The trousseau soon came in for mention then; and what woman could have + been indifferent to a trousseau, even for a marriage which she dreaded? + After that the conversation was no longer a task, for Helen's animation + never failed to build itself up when it was once awake; she was so pleased + and eager that the drive was over before she knew it, and before she had + had time for even one unpleasant thought about meeting Mr. Harrison. + </p> + <p> + It proved not to be a difficult task after all, for Mr. Harrison was quiet + and dignified, and even a little reserved, as Helen thought, so that it + occurred to her that perhaps he was offended at the vehemence with which + she had repelled him. She did not know, but it seemed to her that perhaps + it might have been his right to embrace her after she had promised to + marry him; the thought made her shudder, yet she felt sure that if she had + asked her aunt she would have learned that she was very much in the wrong + indeed. Helen's conscience was very restless just at that time, and it was + pleasant to be able to lull it by being a little more gracious and kind to + her ardent lover. The latter of course responded joyfully, so that the + remainder of the afternoon passed quite pleasantly. + </p> + <p> + When Mr. Roberts arrived and had been acquainted with the tidings, he of + course sought the first opportunity to see the girl, and to congratulate + her upon her wonderful fortune. Helen had always found in her uncle a + grave, business-like person, who treated her with indifference, and + therefore inspired her with awe; it was not a little stirring to her + vanity to find that she was now a person of sufficient consequence to + reverse the relation. This fact did yet a little more to make her realize + the vastness of her sudden conquest, and so throughout dinner she was + almost as exulting in her own heart as she had been at the same time on + the previous day. + </p> + <p> + Her animation mounted throughout the evening, for Mr. Harrison and her + aunt talked of the future—of endless trips abroad, and of palatial + houses and royal entertainments at home—until the girl was + completely dazed. Afterwards, when she and Mr. Harrison were left alone, + Helen fascinated her companion as completely as ever, and was radiant + herself, and rejoicing. As if to cap the climax, Mr. Harrison broached the + subject of a trip to New York, to see if she could find anything at the + various picture dealers to suit her music room, and also of a visit to + Fairview to meet an architect and discuss her plan there. + </p> + <p> + The girl went up to her room just as completely full of exultation as she + had been upon the night before, yet more comfortable in the conviction + that there would be no repetition of that night's worry. Yet even as the + thought occurred to her, it made her tremble; and as if some fiend had + arranged it especially for her torment, as she passed down the hall a + nurse came silently out of one of the rooms, and through the half open + doorway Helen fancied that she heard a low moan. She shuddered and darted + into her own room and locked the door; yet that did not exclude the image + of the sufferer, or keep it from suggesting a train of thought that + plunged the girl into misery. It made her think of Arthur, and of the + haggard look that had been upon his face when he left her; and all Helen's + angry assertions that it was not her fault could not keep her from + tormenting herself after that. Always the fact was before her that however + sick he might be, even dying, she could never bear to see him again, and + so Arthur became the embodiment of her awakening conscience. + </p> + <p> + The result was that the girl slept very little that night, spending half + of it in fact alternately sitting in a chair and pacing the room in + agitation, striving in vain to find some gleam of light to guide her out + of the mazes in which she was lost. The gray dawn found her tossing + feverishly about upon her pillow, yearning for the time when she had been + happy, and upbraiding herself for having been drawn into her present + trouble. + </p> + <p> + When she arose later on, she was more pale and wearied than she had been + upon the morning before; then she had at least possessed a resolution, + while this time she was only helpless and despairing. Thus her aunt found + her when she came in to greet her, and the dismay of the worthy matron may + be imagined. + </p> + <p> + However, being an indefatigable little body, she set bravely to work + again; first of all, by rebuking the girl for her weakness she managed to + rouse her to effort once more, and then by urging the necessity of seeing + people and of hiding her weakness, she managed to obtain at last a + semblance of cheerfulness. In the meantime Mrs. Roberts was helping her to + dress and to remove all traces of her unhappiness, so that when Helen + descended to breakfast she had received her first lesson in one of the + chief tasks of the social regime: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Full many in the silent night + Have wept their grief away; + And in the morn you fancy + Their hearts were ever gay.” + </pre> + <p> + And Helen played her part so well that Mrs. Roberts was much encouraged, + and beamed upon her across the table. As a matter of fact, because her + natural happiness was not all crushed, and because playing a part was not + easy to the girl, she was very soon interested in the various plans that + were being discussed. When Mr. Harrison called later on and proposed a + drive, she accepted with genuine pleasure. + </p> + <p> + To be sure, she found it a trifle less thrilling than on the day before, + for the novelty was gone; but that fact did not cause her much worry. In + all her anticipations of the pleasure before her, it had occurred to her + as little as it occurs to others in her situation to investigate the laws + of the senses through which the pleasure is to be obtained. There is a + whole moral philosophy to be extracted from the little word “ennui” by + those who know; but Helen was not of the knowing. She believed that when + she was tired of the horses she could delight herself with her beautiful + house, and that when she was tired of the house she could have a new one. + All her life she had been deriving ecstasy from beautiful things, from + dresses, and flowers, and books, and music, and pictures; and of course it + was only necessary to have an infinite quantity of such things in order to + be infinitely happy. The way to have the infinite quantity was to marry + Mr. Harrison, or at any rate that was Helen's view, and she was becoming + more and more irritated because it did not work well in practice, and more + and more convinced that her aunt must be right in blaming her weakness. + </p> + <p> + In the meantime, being in the open air and among all the things that she + loved, she was bound to rejoice once more; and rejoice she did, not even + allowing herself to be hindered by Mr. Harrison's too obvious failures to + comprehend her best remarks. Helen argued that she was not engaged to the + man because of his cleverness, and that when she had come to the infinite + happiness towards which she was traveling so fast, she would have + inspiration enough for two. She had enough for the present to keep them + both happy throughout the drive, and when she returned she found that some + of the neighbors had driven over to see her, and to increase her + excitement by their congratulations. The Machiavellian Aunt Polly had told + the news to several friends on the day before, knowing full well that it + would spread during the night, and that Helen would have her first taste + of triumph the next day. + </p> + <p> + And so it continued, and exactly as on the night before, the feverish + excitement swept Helen on until the bedtime hour arrived. Then she went up + into her room alone, to wrestle with the same dreadful specter as before. + </p> + <p> + The story of that day was the story of all that followed; Helen was + destined to find that she might sweep herself away upon the wings of her + ambition as often as she chose, and revel all she pleased in the thought + of Mr. Harrison's wealth; but when the excitement was over, and she came + to be all alone, she could think only of the one dreadful fact of the + necessity of marrying him. She was paying a Faustus price for her + happiness; and in the night time the price stared at her, and turned all + her happiness to misery. + </p> + <p> + A state of mind such as this was so alien to Helen that it would have been + strange indeed if she had sunk into it without protest and rebellion; as + day after day passed, and the misery continued, her dissatisfaction with + everything about her built itself into a climax; more and more plainly she + was coming to see the widening of the gulf between the phantom she was + pursuing and the place, where she stood. Finally there came one day, + nearly a week after her engagement, when Helen was so exhausted and so + wretched that she had made up her mind to remain in her room, and had + withstood all her aunt's attempts to dissuade her. She had passed the + morning in bed, between equally vain attempts to become interested in a + book and to make up for the sleep she had missed during the night, and was + just about giving up both in despair when the maid entered to say that + Elizabeth wished to see her. Helen gave a start, for she knew that + something must be wrong; when the woman entered she asked breathlessly + what it was. + </p> + <p> + “It's about Mr. Arthur,” was the hurried reply, and Helen turned paler + than ever, and clutched the bedclothing in her trembling hands. + </p> + <p> + “What is it?” she cried. + </p> + <p> + “Why you know, Miss Helen,” said Elizabeth, “your father wrote me to go + and see him whenever I could, and I've just come from there this morning.” + </p> + <p> + “And how is he?” + </p> + <p> + “He looked dreadful, but he had gotten up to-day, and he was sitting by + the window when I came in. He was hardly a shadow of himself.” + </p> + <p> + Helen was trembling. “You have not been to see him?” asked the woman. + </p> + <p> + “No,” said Helen, faintly, “I—” and then she stopped. + </p> + <p> + “Why not?” Elizabeth inquired anxiously. + </p> + <p> + “He did not ask for me, did he?” asked the girl, scarcely able to utter + the words. + </p> + <p> + “No,” said the woman, “but you know, everybody told me you were engaged to + a rich man—” + </p> + <p> + And Helen started forwrard with a cry. “Elizabeth!” she gasped, “you—you + didn't—-!” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said the other, “I told him.” And then seeing the girl's look of + terror, she stopped short. Helen stared at her for fully half a minute + without uttering a word; and then the woman went on, slowly, “It was very + dreadful, Miss Helen; he went almost crazy, and I was so frightened that I + didn't know what I should do. Please tell me what is the matter.” + </p> + <p> + Helen was still gazing dumbly at the woman, seeming not to have heard the + last question. “I—I can't tell you,” she said, when it was repeated + again; “you ought not to have told him, Elizabeth.” + </p> + <p> + “Miss Helen,” cried the woman, anxiously, “you <i>must</i> do something! + For I am sure that I know what is the matter; he loves you, and you must + know it, too. And it will certainly kill him; weak as he was, he rushed + out of the house, and I could not find him anywhere. Miss Helen, you <i>must</i> + go and see him!” + </p> + <p> + The girl sat with the same look of helpless fright upon her face, and with + her hands clenched tightly between her knees; the other went on talking + hurriedly, but Helen scarcely heard anything after that; her mind was too + full of its own thoughts. It was several minutes more before she even + noticed that the woman was still insisting that she must go to see + Artheur. “Please leave me now!” she cried wildly; “please leave me! I + cannot explain anything,—I want to be alone!” And when the door was + shut she became once more dumb and motionless, staring blankly ahead of + her, a helpless victim of her own wretched thoughts. + </p> + <p> + “That is the end of it,” she groaned to herself; “oh, that is the end of + it!” + </p> + <p> + Winkt dir nicht hold die hehre Burg? + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0008" id="link2HCH0008"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER VIII + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Thou would'st be happy, + Endlessly happy, + Or endlessly wretched. +</pre> + <p> + Helen was quite powerless to do anything whatever after that last piece of + misfortune; it seemed as if she could have remained just where she was for + hours, shuddering at the sight of what was happening, yet utterly helpless + before it. The world was taking a very serious aspect indeed to the bright + and laughing girl, who had thought of it as the home of birds and flowers; + yet she knew not what to make of the change, or how she was to blame for + it, and she could only sit still and tremble. She was in the same position + and the same state of mind when her aunt entered the room some minutes + later. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Roberts stood watching her silently, and then as Helen turned her + gaze of pleading misery upon her, she came forward and sat down in a chair + by the bedside, and fixed her keen eyes upon the girl. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, Aunt Polly!” cried Helen; “what am I to do? I am so wretched!” + </p> + <p> + “I have just been talking to Elizabeth,” said Mrs. Roberts, with some + sternness, “and she's been telling you about Arthur—is that what is + the matter with you, Helen?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” was the trembling response, “what can I do?” + </p> + <p> + “Tell me, Helen, in the first place,” demanded the other. “When you saw + Arthur that day in the woods, what did you do? Did you make him any + promises?” + </p> + <p> + “No, Auntie.” + </p> + <p> + “Did you hold out any hopes to him? Did you say anything to him at all + about love?” + </p> + <p> + “I—I told him it was impossible,” said Helen, eagerly, clutching at + that little crumb of comfort. + </p> + <p> + “Then in Heaven's name, child,” cried the other in amazement, “what is the + matter with you? If Arthur chooses to carry on in this fashion, why in the + world should you punish yourself in this horrible way? What is the matter + with you, Helen? Are you responsible to him for your marriage? I don't + know which is the most absurd, the boy's behavior, or your worrying about + it.” + </p> + <p> + “But, Auntie,” stammered the girl, “he is so ill—he might die!” + </p> + <p> + “Die, bosh!” exclaimed Mrs. Roberts; “he frightened Elizabeth by his + ravings; it is the most absurd nonsense,—he a penniless + school-teacher, and the Lord only knows what besides! I only wish I'd been + there to talk to him, for I don't think he'd have frightened me! What in + the world do you suppose he wants, anyway? Is he mad enough to expect you + to marry him?” + </p> + <p> + “I don't know, Aunt Polly,” said Helen, weakly. + </p> + <p> + “I'd never have believed that Arthur could be capable of anything so + preposterous as this behavior,” vowed Mrs. Roberts; “and then to come up + here and find you wearing yourself to a skeleton about it!” + </p> + <p> + “It isn't only that, Auntie,” protested Helen, “there is so much else; I + am miserable!” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said the other, grimly; “I see it as well as you, and there's just + about as much reason in any of it as in the matter of Arthur.” Then Mrs. + Roberts moved her chair nearer, and after gazing at Helen for a moment, + began again. “I've been meaning to say something to you, and it might just + as well be said now. For all this matter is coming to a climax, Helen; it + can't go on this way very much longer, for you'll kill yourself. It's got + to be settled one way or the other, once and for all.” And Mrs. Roberts + stopped and took a deep breath, preparing for one more struggle; Helen + still gazed at her helplessly. + </p> + <p> + “I'm not going to say anything more about Arthur,” declared the woman; “if + you choose to torment yourself about such absurdities, I can't help it. + Arthur's behavior is not the least your fault, and you know it; but all + the other trouble is your fault, and there's nobody else to blame. For the + question is just as simple as the day, Helen, and you must see it and + decide it; you've got to choose between one of two things, either to marry + Mr. Harrison or to give him up; and there's no excuse for your hesitating + and tormenting yourself one day longer.” + </p> + <p> + Then the indomitable woman set to work at her old task of conjuring up + before the girl's eyes all the allurements that had so often made her + heart throb; she, pictured Fairview and all its luxuries, and the + admiration and power that must be hers when she was mistress of it; and + she mentioned every other source of pleasure that she knew would stir + Helen's eager thirst. After having hammered away at that theme until she + saw signs of the effect she desired, she turned to the other side of the + picture. + </p> + <p> + “Helen,” she demanded, “is it really possible for you to think of giving + up these things and going back to live in that miserable little house at + Oakdale? Can you not see that you would be simply burying yourself alive? + You might just as well be as ugly as those horrible Nelson girls across + the way. Helen, you <i>know</i> you belong to a different station in life + than those people! You know you have a right to some of the beautiful + things in the world, and you know that after this vision of everything + perfect that you have seen, you can never possibly be happy in your + ignorant girlish way again. You have promised Mr. Harrison to marry him, + and made him go to all the expense that he has; and you've told everybody + you know, and all the world is talking about your triumph; and you've had + Mr. Roberts go to all the trouble he has about your trousseau,—surely, + Helen, you cannot dream of changing your mind and giving all this up. It + is ridiculous to talk about it.” + </p> + <p> + “I don't want to give it up,” protested the girl, moaning, “but, oh, I + can't—” + </p> + <p> + “I know!” exclaimed the other. “I've heard all that a thousand times. + Don't you see, Helen, that you've simply <i>got</i> to marry him! There is + no other possibility to think of, and all of your weakness is that you + don't perceive that fact, and make up your mind to it. Just see how absurd + you are, to make yourself ill in this way.” + </p> + <p> + “But I can't help it, Auntie, indeed I can't!” + </p> + <p> + “You could help it if you wanted to,” vowed the other. “I am quite + disgusted with you. I have told you a thousand times that this is all an + imaginary terror that you are conjuring up for yourself, to ruin your + health and happiness. When you have married him you will see that it's + just as I tell you, and you'll laugh at yourself for feeling as you did.” + </p> + <p> + “But it's in the meantime, Aunt Polly—it's having to think about it + that frightens me.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, let me tell you one thing,” said Mrs. Roberts; “if I found that I + couldn't cure myself of such weakness as this, sooner than let it ruin my + life and make everyone about me wretched, I'd settle the matter right now + and forever; I'd marry him within a week, Helen!” And the resolute little + woman clenched her hands grimly. “Yes, I would,” she exclaimed, “and if I + found I hadn't strength enough to hold my resolution, I'd marry him + to-morrow, and there'd be an end to it!” + </p> + <p> + “You don't realize, Helen, how you treat Mr. Harrison,” she went on, as + the girl shuddered; “and how patient he is. You'd not find many men like + him in that respect, my dear. For he's madly in love with you, and you + treat him as coldly as if he were a stranger. I can see that, for I watch + you, and I can see how it offends him. You have promised to be his wife, + Helen, and yet you behave in this ridiculous way. You are making yourself + ill, and you look years older every day, yet you make not the least + attempt to conquer yourself.” + </p> + <p> + So she went on, and Helen began to feel more and more that she was doing a + very great wrong indeed. Mrs. Roberts' sharp questioning finally drew from + her the story of her reception of Mr. Harrison's one kiss, and Helen was + made to seem quite ridiculous and even rude in her own eyes; her aunt + lectured her with such unaccustomed sternness that she was completely + frightened, and came to look upon her action as the cause of all the rest + of her misery. + </p> + <p> + “It's precisely on that account that you still regard him as a stranger,” + Mrs. Roberts vowed; “of course he makes no more advances, and you might go + on forever in that way.” Helen promised that the next time she was alone + with Mr. Harrison she would apologize for her rudeness, and treat him in a + different manner. + </p> + <p> + “I wish,” Mrs. Roberts went on, “that I could only make you see as plainly + as I see, Helen, how very absurd your conduct is. Day by day you are + filling your mind with the thought of the triumph that is to be yours, so + that it takes hold of you and becomes all your life to you; and all the + time you know that to possess it there is one thing which you have got to + do. And instead of realizing the fact and reconciling yourself to it, you + sit down and torment yourself as if you were a creature without reason or + will. Can you not see that you must be wretched?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, I see,” said Helen, weakly. + </p> + <p> + “You see it, but you make no effort to do anything else! You make me + almost give you up in despair. You will not see that this weakness has + only to be conquered once, and that then your life can be happy!” + </p> + <p> + “But, Auntie, dear,” exclaimed Helen, “it is so hard!” + </p> + <p> + “Anything in life would be hard for a person who had no more resolution + than you,” responded the other. “Because you know nothing about the world, + you fancy you are doing something very unusual and dreadful; but I assure + you it's what every girl has to do when she marries in society. And + there's no one of them but would laugh at your behavior; you just give Mr. + Harrison up, and see how long it would be before somebody else would take + him! Oh, child, how I wish I could give you a little of my energy; you + would go to the life that is before you in a very different way, I promise + you! For really the only way that you can have any happiness in the world + is to be strong and take it, and if you once had a purpose and some + determination you would feel like a different person. Make up your mind + what you wish to do, Helen, and go and do it, and take hold of yourself + and master yourself, and show what you are made of!” + </p> + <p> + Aunt Polly was quite sublime as she delivered that little exordium; and to + the girl, anxious as she was for her old strength and happiness, the words + were like music. They made her blood flow again, and there was a light in + her eyes. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, Auntie,” she said, “I'll try to.” + </p> + <p> + “Try!” echoed the other, “what comes of all your trying? You have been + reveling for a week in visions of what is to be yours; and that ought + surely to have been enough time for you to make up your mind; and yet + every time that I find you alone, all your resolution is gone; you simply + have no strength, Helen!” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, I will have it!” cried the girl; “I don't mean to do this way any + more; I never saw it so plainly.” + </p> + <p> + “You see it now, because I'm talking to you, and you always do see it + then. But I should think the very terror of what you have suffered would + serve as a motive, and make you quite desperate. Can you not see that your + very safety depends upon your taking this resolution and keeping it, and + not letting go of it, no matter what happens? From what I've seen of you, + Helen, I know that if you do not summon all your energies together, and + fling aside every purpose but this, and act upon it <i>now</i>, while you + feel it so keenly, you will surely fail. For anybody can withstand a + temptation for a while, when his mind is made up; all the trouble is in + keeping it made up for a long time. I tell you if I found I was losing, + sooner than surrender I would do anything, absolutely anything!” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Roberts had many more words of that heroic kind; she was a vigorous + little body, and she was quite on fire with enthusiasm just then, and with + zeal for the consummation of the great triumph. Perhaps there is no + occupation of men quite without its poetry, and even a society leader may + attain to the sublime in her devotion to life as she sees it. Besides that + the over-zealous woman was exalted to eloquence just then by a feeling + that she was nearer her goal than ever before, and that she had only to + spur Helen on and keep her in her present glow to clinch the matter; for + the girl was very much excited indeed, and showed both by what she said + and by the change in her behavior that she was determined to have an end + to her own wretchedness and to conquer her shrinking from her future + husband at any cost. During all the time that she was dressing, her aunt + was stirring her resolution with the same appeal, so that Helen felt that + she had never seen her course so clearly before, or had so much resolution + to follow it. She spread out her arms and drank deep breaths of relief + because she was free from her misery, and knew how to keep so; and at the + same time, because she still felt tremblings of fear, she clenched her + hands in grim earnestness. When she was ready to descend she was flushed + and trembling with excitement, and quite full of her resolution. “She + won't have to go very far,” Mrs. Roberts mused, “for the man is madly in + love with her.” + </p> + <p> + “I want you to look as beautiful as you can, dear,” she said aloud, by way + of changing the subject; “besides Mr. Harrison, there'll be another + visitor at lunch to-day.” + </p> + <p> + “A stranger?” echoed Helen. + </p> + <p> + “You remember, dear, when I told you of Mr. Howard I spoke of a third + person who was coming—Lieutenant Maynard?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, yes,” said the girl; “is he here?” + </p> + <p> + “Just until the late train this evening,” answered the other. “He got his + leave as he expected, but of course he didn't want to come while Mr. + Howard was so ill.” + </p> + <p> + Helen remembered with a start having heard someone say that Mr. Howard was + better. “Auntie,” she cried, “he won't be at lunch, will he? I don't want + to see him.” + </p> + <p> + “He won't, dear,” was the reply; “the doctor said he could leave his room + to-day, but it will be afterwards, when you have gone driving with Mr. + Harrison.” + </p> + <p> + “And will he leave soon?” asked Helen, shuddering; the mention of the + invalid's name had instantly brought to her mind the thought of Arthur. + </p> + <p> + “He will leave to-morrow, I presume; he probably knows he has caused us + trouble enough,” answered Mrs. Roberts; and then reading Helen's thought, + and seeing a sign upon her face of the old worry, she made haste to lead + her down the stairs. + </p> + <p> + Helen found Mr. Harrison in conversation with a tall, + distinguished-looking man in naval uniform, to whom she was introduced by + her aunt; the girl saw that the officer admired her, which was only + another stimulant to her energies, so that she was at her cleverest during + the meal that followed. She accepted the invitation of Mr. Harrison to go + with him to Fairview during the afternoon, and after having been in her + room all the morning, she was looking forward to the drive with no little + pleasure, as also—to the meeting with the architect whom Mr. + Harrison said would be there. + </p> + <p> + It seemed once as if the plan were to be interrupted, and as if her + excitement and resolution were to come to naught, for a telegram arrived + for Mr. Harrison, and he announced that he was called away to New York + upon some business. But as it proved, this was only another circumstance + to urge her on in carrying out her defiant resolution, for Mr. Harrison + added that he would not have to leave until the evening, and her aunt + gazed at the girl significantly, to remind her of how little time there + was. Helen felt her heart give a sudden leap, and felt a disagreeable + trembling seize upon her; her animation became more feverish yet in + consequence. + </p> + <p> + After the luncheon, when she ran up for her hat and gloves, her aunt + followed her, but Helen shook her off with a laughing assurance that + everything would be all right, and then ran out into the hallway; she did + not go on, however, for something that she saw caused her to spring + quickly back, and turn pale. + </p> + <p> + “What is it?” whispered her aunt, as Helen put her finger to her lips. + </p> + <p> + “It's <i>he!</i>” replied the girl, shuddering; “wait!” + </p> + <p> + “He” was the unfortunate invalid, who was passing down the hallway upon + the arm of Lieutenant Maynard; Helen shook her head at all her aunt's + laughing protests, and could not be induced to leave the room until the + two had passed on; then she ran down, and leaving the house by another + door, sprang into the carriage with Mr. Harrison and was whirled away, + waving a laughing good-by to her aunt. + </p> + <p> + The fresh air and the swift motion soon completed the reaction from + Helen's morning unhappiness; and as generally happened when she was much + excited, her imagination carried her away in one of her wild flights of + joy, so that her companion was as much lost as ever in admiration and + delight. Helen told him countless stories, and made countless + half-comprehended witticisms, and darted a great many mischievous glances + which were comprehended much better; when they had passed within the gates + of Fairview, being on private land she felt even less need of restraint, + and sang “Dich, theure Halle, gruss' ich wieder!” and laughed at her own + cleverness quite as much as if her companion had understood it all. + </p> + <p> + After that it was a new delight to discover that work was progressing + rapidly upon the trimming of the forest and the turning of the grass-grown + road into a broad avenue; likewise the “hay crop” was in, and the lawn + plowed and raked and ready for grass seed, and the undesirable part of the + old furniture carted away,—all of which things Helen knew had been + done according to her commands. And scarcely had all this been appreciated + properly before the architect arrived; Helen was pleased with him because + for one thing he was evidently very much impressed by her beauty, and for + another because he entered so understandingly into all her ideas. He and + the girl spent a couple of the happiest hours in discussing the details of + the wonderful music room, a thing which seemed to her more full of + delightful possibilities than any other in all her radiant future; it was + a sort of a child's dream to her, with a fairy godmother to make it real, + and her imagination ran riot in a vision of banks of flowers, and of + paintings of all things that embody the joys of music, the “shapes that + haunt thought's wildernesses.” At night the whole was to be illuminated in + such a way as to give these verisimilitude, and in the daytime it would be + no less beautiful, because it was to be almost all glass upon two sides. + Helen was rejoiced that the architect realized the importance of the fact + that “a music room ought to be out of doors;” and then as she made the + further welcome discovery that the moon would shine into it, she vowed + eagerly that there would be no lights at all in her music room at those + times. Afterwards she told a funny story of how Schumann had been wont to + improvise under such circumstances, until his next-door neighbor was so + struck by the romance of it that he proceeded to imitate it, and to play + somebody or other's technical studies whenever the moon rose; at which + narrative Helen and the architect laughed very heartily, and Mr. Harrison + with them, though he would not have known the difference between a + technical study and the “Moonlight Sonata.” + </p> + <p> + Altogether, Helen was about as happy as ever throughout that afternoon, + tho one who watched her closely might have thought there was something + nervous about her animation, especially later on, when the talk with the + architect was nearing its end; Helen's eyes had once or twice wandered + uneasily about the room, and when finally the man rose to leave, she asked + him with a sudden desperate resolution to look over the rest of the rooms + and see what he thought of her suggestions. The latter expressed himself + as pleased to oblige her, but he would probably have been somewhat + chagrined had he known how little Helen really attended to his remarks; + her mind was in a whirl, and all that he said sounded distant and vague; + her one wish was that he might stay and give her time to think. + </p> + <p> + But Helen found the uselessness of shrinking, and the time came at last + when she saw to her despair that there was no more to say, and that the + man must go. In a few minutes more he was actually gone, and she was left + all alone in the great house with Mr. Harrison. + </p> + <p> + The two went back into the dining room, where Mr. Harrison stood leaning + his hand upon the table, and Helen stood in front of him, her lips + trembling. Twice she made a faint attempt to speak, and then she turned + and began pacing up and down the room in agitation. Mr. Harrison was + watching her, seeing that there was something on her mind, and also that + her emotion made her more beautiful and more disturbing to him than ever. + </p> + <p> + At last Helen went and sat down upon a sofa at one side, and clenching her + hands very tightly about her knees, looked up at him and said, in a faint + voice, “I had something to say to you, Mr. Harrison.” Then she stopped, + and her eyes fell, and her breath came very hard. + </p> + <p> + “What is it, dear?” asked Mr. Harrison gently. + </p> + <p> + And Helen's lips trembled more than ever, and her voice sank still lower + as she said, “I—I don't know how to begin.” + </p> + <p> + The other was silent for a few moments more, after which he came slowly + across the room and sat down beside her. + </p> + <p> + “Helen,” he said, “I had something to say to you also; suppose I say it + first?” + </p> + <p> + The girl's chest was heaving painfully, and her heart throbbing violently, + but she gazed into his eyes, and smiled, and answered him “Very well.” He + took one of her burning hands in his, and she made no resistance. + </p> + <p> + “Helen, dear,” he said, “do you remember it was nearly a week ago that we + stood in this same room, and that you promised to be my wife? You were + very cold to me then. I have been waiting patiently for you to change a + little, not venturing to say anything for fear of offending you. But it is + very hard—” + </p> + <p> + He had bent forward pleadingly, and his face was very close to hers, + trying to read her heart. Perhaps it was well that he could not, for it + would have frightened him. The moment was one of fearful suffering for + Helen, tho there was no sign of it, except that she was trembling like a + leaf, and that her lips were white. There was just a moment of suspense, + and then with a cruel effort she mastered herself and gazed up at the man, + a smile forcing itself to her lips again. + </p> + <p> + “What is it that you wish?” she asked. + </p> + <p> + “I want you to care for me,” the other said—“to love me just a + little, Helen; will you?” + </p> + <p> + “I—I think so,” was the reply, in a scarcely audible voice. + </p> + <p> + And Mr. Harrison pressed her hand in his and bent forward eagerly. “Then I + may kiss you, dear?” he asked; “you will not mind?” + </p> + <p> + And Helen bowed her head and answered, “No.” In this same instant, as she + sank forward the man clasped her in his arms; he pressed her upon his + bosom, and covered her cheeks and forehead with his passionate, burning + kisses. Helen, crushed and helpless in his grasp, felt a revulsion of + feeling so sudden and so overwhelming that it was an agony to her, and she + almost screamed aloud. She was choking and shuddering, and her cheeks were + on fire, while in the meantime Mr. Harrison, almost beside himself with + passion, pressed her tighter to him and poured out his protestations of + devotion. Helen bore it until she was almost mad with the emotion that had + rushed over her, and then she made a wild effort to tear herself free. Her + hair was disordered, and her face red, and her whole being throbbing with + shame, but he still held her in his tight embrace. + </p> + <p> + “You are not angry, Helen dear?” he asked. + </p> + <p> + “No,” the girl gasped + </p> + <p> + “You told me that I might kiss you,” he said; and she was so choking with + her emotion that she could not answer a word, she could only shudder and + submit to his will. And Mr. Harrison, supposing that her emotions were + very different from what they were, rested her head upon his shoulder, + smoothing back her tangled hair and whispering into her ear how beautiful + she was beyond any dream of his, and how the present moment was the + happiest of his lifetime. + </p> + <p> + “I thought it would never come, dear,” he said, kissing her forehead + again, “you were so very cold.” Helen had not yet ceased fighting the + fearful battle in her own heart, and so as he looked into her eyes, she + gazed up at him and forced another ghastly smile to her lips: they looked + so very beautiful that Mr. Harrison kissed them again and again, and he + would probably have been content to kiss them many times more, and to + forget everything else in the bliss, had Helen been willing. + </p> + <p> + But she felt just then that if the strain continued longer she would go + mad; with a laugh that was half hysterical, she tore herself loose by main + force, and sprang up, reminding the other that he had a train to catch. + Mr. Harrison demurred, but the girl would hear no more, and she took him + by the hand and led him to the door, still laughing, and very much flushed + and excited, so that he thought she was happier than ever. It would have + startled him could he have seen her as he went to call for the horses,—how + she staggered and clung to a pillar for support, as white as the marble + she leaned against. + </p> + <p> + He did not see her, however, and when the two were driving rapidly away + she was as vivacious as ever; Helen had fought yet one more conflict, and + her companion was not skilled enough in the study of character to perceive + that it was a desperate and hysterical kind of animation. Poor Helen was + facing gigantic shadows just then, and life wore its most fearful and + menacing look to her; she had plunged so far in her contest that it was + now a battle for life and death, and with no quarter. She had made the + choice of “Der Atlas,” of endless joy or endless sorrow, and in her + struggle to keep the joy she was becoming more and more frantic, more and + more terrified at the thought of the other possibility. She knew that to + fail now would mean shame and misery more overwhelming than she could + bear, and so she was laughing and talking with frenzied haste; and every + now and then she would stop and shudder, and then race wildly on,— + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Like one, that on a lonesome road + Doth walk in fear and dread, + And having once turned round walks on, + And turns no more his head; + Because he knows a frightful fiend + Doth close behind him tread.” + </pre> + <p> + And so all through the ride, because the girl's shame and fear haunted her + more and more, she became more and more hysterical, and more and more + desperate; and Mr. Harrison thought that he had never seen her so + brilliant, and so daring, and so inspired; nor did he have the least idea + how fearfully overwrought she was, until suddenly as they came to a fork + in the road he took a different one than she expected, and she clutched + him wildly by the arm. “Why do you do that?” she almost screamed. “Stop!” + </p> + <p> + “What?” he asked in surprise. “Take this road?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes!” exclaimed Helen. “Stop! Stop!” + </p> + <p> + “But it's only half a mile or so farther,” said Mr. Harrison, reining up + his horses, “and I thought you'd like the change.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” panted Helen, with more agitation than ever. “But I can't,—we'd + have to go through Hilltown!” + </p> + <p> + The wondering look of course did not leave the other's face at that + explanation. “You object to Hilltown?” he asked. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Helen, shuddering; “it is a horrible place.” + </p> + <p> + “Why, I thought it was a beautiful town,” laughed he. “But of course it is + for you to say.” Then he gazed about him to find a place to turn the + carriage. “We'll have to go on a way,” he said. “The road is too narrow + here. I'm sorry I didn't ask you, but I had no idea it made any + difference.” + </p> + <p> + They continued, however, for fully a mile, and the road remained narrow, + so that there was danger of upsetting in the ditch if they tried to turn. + “What do you wish me to do?” Mr. Harrison asked with a smile. “The more we + go on the longer it will take us if we are to go back, and I may miss my + train; is your prejudice against Hilltown so very strong, Miss Davis?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, no,” Helen answered, with a ghastly smile. “Pray go on; it's of no + consequence.” + </p> + <p> + As a matter of fact, it was of the greatest consequence; for that incident + marked the turning point of the battle in Helen's heart. Her power seemed + to go from her with every turn of the wheels that brought her nearer to + that dreaded place, and she became more and more silent, and more + conscious of the fearful fact that her wretchedness was mastering her + again. It seemed to her terrified imagination as if everything was growing + dark and threatening, as before the breaking of a thunderstorm. + </p> + <p> + “You must indeed dislike Hilltown, Miss Davis,” said her companion, + smiling. “Why are you so very silent?” + </p> + <p> + Helen made no reply; she scarcely heard him, in fact, so taken up was she + with what was taking place in her own mind; all her thoughts then were + about Arthur and what had become of him, and what he was thinking about + her; and chiefest of all, because her cheeks and forehead had a fearfully + conscious feeling, what he would think, could he know what she had just + been doing. Thus it was that as the houses of Hilltown drew near, remorse + and shame and terror were rising, and her frantic protests against them + were weakening, until suddenly every emotion was lost in suspense, and the + shadows of the great elm-trees that arched the main street of the town + closed them in. Helen knew the house where Arthur lodged, and knew that + she should pass it in another minute; she could do nothing but wait and + watch and tremble. + </p> + <p> + The carriage rattled on, gazed at by many curious eyes, for everyone in + Hilltown knew about the young beauty and the prize she had caught; but + Helen saw no one, and had eyes for only one thing, the little white house + where Arthur lodges. The carriage swept by and she saw no one, but she saw + that the curtain of Arthur's room was drawn, and she shuddered at the + thought, “Suppose he should be dying!” Yet it was a great load off her + mind to have escaped seeing him, and she was beginning to breathe again + and ask herself if she still might not win the battle, when the carriage + came to the end of the town, and to a sight that froze her blood. + </p> + <p> + There was a tavern by the roadside, a low saloon that was the curse of the + place, and she saw from the distance a figure come out of the door. Her + heart gave a fearful throb, for it was a slender figure, clad in black, + hatless and with disordered hair and clothing. In a moment more, as Helen + clutched the rail beside her and stared wildly, the carriage had swept on + and come opposite the man; and he glanced up into Helen's eyes, and she + recognized the face, in spite of all its ghastly whiteness and its sunken + cheeks; it was Arthur! + </p> + <p> + There was just an instant's meeting of their looks, and then the girl was + whirled on; but that one glance was enough to leave her as if paralyzed. + She made no sound, nor any movement, and so her companion did not even + know that anything had happened until they had gone half a mile farther; + then as he chanced to glance at her he reined up his horses with a cry. + </p> + <p> + “Helen!” he exclaimed. “What is the matter?” The girl clutched his arm so + tightly that he winced, powerful man that he was. “Take me home,” she + gasped. “Oh, quick, please take me home!” + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0009" id="link2HCH0009"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER IX + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Peace! Sit you down, + And let me wring your heart; for so I shall, + If it be made of penetrable stuff.” + </pre> + <p> + Helen ran up to her room when she reached home, and shut herself in, and + after that she had nothing to do but suffer. All of her excitement was + gone from her then, and with it every spark of her strength; the fiends + that had been pursuing her rose up and seized hold of her, and lashed her + until she writhed and cried aloud in agony. She was helpless to resist + them, knowing not which way to turn or what to do,—completely cowed + and terrified. But there was no more sinking into the dull despair that + had mastered her before; the face of Arthur, as she had seen it in that + one glimpse, had been burned into her memory with fire, and she could not + shut it from her sight; when the fact that he had come from the tavern, + and what that must mean rose before her, it was almost more than she could + bear, cry out as she might that she could not help it, that she never + could have helped it, that she had nothing to do with it. Moreover, if + there was any possibility of the girl's driving out that specter, there + was always another to take its place. It was not until she was alone in + her room, until all her resolution was gone, and all of her delusions, + that she realized the actual truth about what she had done that afternoon; + it was like a nightmare to her then. She seemed always to feel the man's + arms clasping her, and whenever she thought of his kisses her forehead + burned her like fire, so that she flung herself down by the bedside, and + buried it in the pillows. + </p> + <p> + It was thus that her aunt found her when she came in to call Helen to + dinner; and this time the latter's emotions were so real and so keen that + there was no prevailing over them, or persuading her to anything. “I don't + want to eat!” she cried again and again in answer to her aunt's alarmed + insistence. “No, I am not coming down! I want to be alone! Alone, Aunt + Polly—please leave me alone!” + </p> + <p> + “But, Helen,” protested Mrs. Roberts, “won't you please tell me what is + the matter? What in the world can have happened to you?” + </p> + <p> + “I can't tell you,” the girl cried hysterically. “I want you to go and + leave me alone!” And she shut the door and locked it, and then began + pacing wildly up and down the room, heedless of the fact that her aunt was + still standing out in the hallway; the girl was too deeply shaken just + then to have any thought about appearances. + </p> + <p> + She was thinking about Arthur again, and about his fearful plight; there + rushed back upon her all the memories of their childhood, and of the + happiness which they had known together. The thought of the broken figure + which she had seen by the roadside became more fearful to her every + moment. It was not that it troubled her conscience, for Helen could still + argue to herself that she had done nothing to wrong her friend, that there + had been nothing selfish in her attitude towards him; she had wished him + to be happy. It seemed to her that it was simply a result of the cruel + perversity of things that she had been trampling upon her friend's + happiness in order to reach her own, and that all her struggling had only + served to make things worse. The fact that it was not her fault, however, + did not make the situation seem less tragic and fearful to her; it had + come to such a crisis now that it drove her almost mad to think about it, + yet she was completely helpless to know what to do, and as she strode up + and down the room, she clasped her hands to her aching head and cried + aloud in her perplexity. + </p> + <p> + Then too her surging thoughts hurried on to another unhappiness,—to + her father, and what he would say when he learned the dreadful news. How + could she explain it to him? And how could she tell him about her + marriage? At the mere thought of that the other horror seized upon her + again, and she sank down in a chair by the window and hid her face in her + hands. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, how can I have done it?” she gasped to herself. “Oh, it was so + dreadful! And what am I to do now?” + </p> + <p> + That last was the chief question, the one to which all others led; yet it + was one to which she could find no answer. She was completely confused and + helpless, and she exclaimed aloud again and again, “Oh, if I could only + find some one to tell me! I do not know how I can keep Arthur from + behaving in that dreadful way, and I know that I cannot ever marry Mr. + Harrison!” + </p> + <p> + The more she tortured herself with these problems, the more agitated she + became. She sat there at the window, clutching the sill in her hands and + staring out, seeing nothing, and knowing only that the time was flying, + and that her anxiety was building itself up and becoming an agony which + she could not bear. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, what am I to do?” she groaned again and again; and she passed hours + asking herself the fearful question; the twilight had closed about her, + and the moon had risen behind the distant hills. + </p> + <p> + So oblivious to all things about her was she, that she failed at first to + notice something else, something which would ordinarily have attracted her + attention at once,—a sound of music which came to her from somewhere + near. It was the melody of Grieg's “An den Frubling” played upon a violin, + and it had stolen into Helen's heart and become part of her own stormy + emotion before she had even thought of what it was or whence it came. The + little piece is the very soul of the springtime passion, and to the girl + it was the very utterance of all her yearning, lifting her heart in a + great throbbing prayer. When it had died away her hands were clenched very + tightly, and her breath was coming fast. + </p> + <p> + She remained thus for a minute, forgetful of everything; then at last she + found herself thinking “it must be Mr. Howard,” and waiting to see if he + would play again. But he did not do so, and Helen sat in silence for a + long time, her thoughts turned to him. She found herself whispering “so he + is a wonderful musician after all,” and noticing that the memory of his + wan face frightened her no longer; it seemed just then that there could be + no one in the world more wretched than herself. She was only wishing that + he would begin again, for that utterance of her grief had seemed like a + victory, and now in the silence she was sinking back into her despair. The + more she waited, the more impatient she grew, until suddenly she rose from + her seat. + </p> + <p> + “He might play again if I asked him,” she said to herself. “He would if he + knew I was unhappy; I wonder where he can be?” + </p> + <p> + Helen's window was in the front of the house, opening upon a broad lawn + whose walks were marked in the moonlight by the high shrubbery that lined + them. Some distance beyond, down one of the paths, were two summer-houses, + and it seemed to her that the music had come from one of them, probably + the far one, for it had sounded very soft. No sooner had the thought come + to her than she turned and went quietly to the door. She ran quickly down + the steps, and seeing her aunt and Mr. Roberts upon the piazza, she turned + and passed out by one of the side doors. + </p> + <p> + Helen had yielded to a sudden impulse in doing thus, drawn by her yearning + for the music. When she thought about it as she walked on it seemed to her + a foolish idea, for the man could not possibly know of her trouble, and + moreover was probably with his friend the lieutenant. But she did not stop + even then, for her heart's hunger still drove her on, and she thought, + “I'll see, and perhaps he will play again without my asking; I can sit in + the near summer-house and wait.” + </p> + <p> + She went swiftly on with that purpose in mind, not going upon the path, + because she would have been in the full moonlight, and in sight of the two + upon the piazza. She passed silently along by the high hedge, concealed in + its shadows, and her footsteps deadened by the grass. She was as quiet as + possible, wishing to be in the summer-house without anyone's knowing it. + </p> + <p> + And she had come very close to it indeed, within a few yards, when + suddenly she stopped short with an inward exclamation; the silence of the + twilight had been broken by a voice—one that seemed almost beside + her, and that startled her with a realization of the mistake she had made. + The two men were themselves in the house to which she had been going. + </p> + <p> + It was Mr. Howard's voice which she heard; he was speaking very low, + almost in a whisper, yet Helen was near enough to hear every word that he + uttered. + </p> + <p> + “Most people would think it simply a happy and beautiful piece of music,” + he said. “Most people think that of the springtime; but when a man has + lived as I, he may find that the springtime too is a great labor and a + great suffering,—he does not forget that for the thousands of + creatures that win the great fight and come forth rejoicing, there are + thousands and tens of thousands that go down, and have their mite of life + crushed out, and find the law very stern indeed. Even those that win do it + by a fearful effort, and cannot keep their beauty long; so that the + springtime passion takes on a kind of desperate intensity when one thinks + of it.” + </p> + <p> + The voice ceased again for a moment, and Helen stood gazing about her; the + words were not without a dimly-felt meaning to her just then, and the tone + of the man's voice seemed like the music she had heard him play. She would + have liked to stay and listen, tho she knew that she had no right to. She + was certain that she had not been seen, because the little house was + thickly wrapped about with eglantine; and she stood, uncertain as to + whether she ought to steal back or go out and join the two men. In the + meantime the voice began again: + </p> + <p> + “It gives a man a new feeling of the preciousness of life to know keenly + what it means to fail, to be like a tiny spark, struggling to maintain + itself in the darkness, and finding that all it can do is not sufficient, + and that it is sinking back into nothingness forever. I think that is the + meaning of the wild and startled look that the creatures of the forest + wear; and it is a very tragic thing indeed to realize, and makes one full + of mercy. If he knows his own heart he can read the same thing in the + faces of men, and he no longer even laughs at their pride and their + greediness, but sees them quite infinitely wretched and pitiable. I do not + speak merely of the poor and hopeless people, the hunted creatures of + society; for this terror is not merely physical. It is the same imperative + of life that makes conscience, and so every man knows it who has made + himself a slave to his body, and sees the soul within him helpless and + sinking; and every man who has sinned and sees his evil stamped upon the + face of things outside him, in shapes of terror that must be forever. + Strange as it may seem, I think the man who lives most rightly, the man of + genius, knows the feeling most of all, because his conscience is the + quickest. It is his task to live from his own heart, to take the power + that is within him and wrestle with it, and build new universes from it,—to + be a pioneer of the soul, so to speak, and to go where no man has ever + been before; and yet all his victory is nothing to him, because he knows + so well what he might have done. Every time that he shrinks, as he must + shrink, from what is so hard and so high in his own vision, he knows that + yet another glory is lost forever, and so it comes that he stands very + near indeed to the'tears of things.'” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Howard stopped again, and Helen found herself leaning forward and + wondering. + </p> + <p> + “I know more about those tears than most people,” the man went on slowly, + after a long pause, “for I have had to build my own life in that way; I + know best of all the failure, for that has been my lot. When you and I + knew each other, I was very strong in my own heart, and I could always + find what joy and power I needed for the living of my life; but there have + come to me since, in the years that I have dwelt all alone with my great + trial, times when I think that I have stood face to face with this thing + that we speak of, this naked tragedy and terror of existence. There have + been times when all the yearning and all the prayer that I had could not + save me, when I have known that I had not an ounce of resource left, and + have sat and watched the impulse of my soul die within me, and all my + strength go from me, and seen myself with fearful plainness as a spark of + yearning, a living thing in all its pitifulness and hunger, helpless and + walled up in darkness. To feel that is to be very near indeed to the + losing creatures and their sorrow, and the memory of one such time is + enough to keep a man merciful forever. For it is really the deepest fact + about life that a man can know;—how it is so hazardous and so + precious, how it keeps its head above the great ocean of the infinite only + by all the force it can exert; it happens sometimes that a man does not + discover that truth until it is too late, and then he finds life very + cruel and savage indeed, I can tell you.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Howard stopped, and Helen drew a deep breath; she had been trembling + slightly as she stood listening; then as he spoke again, her heart gave a + violent throb. “Some day,” he said, “this girl that we were talking about + will have to come to that part of her life's journey; it is a very sad + thing to know.” + </p> + <p> + “She will understand her sonata better,” said the officer. + </p> + <p> + “No,” was the reply; “I wish I could think even that; I know how sorrow + affects a person whose heart is true, how it draws him close to the great + heart of life, and teaches him its sacredness, and sends him forth + merciful and humble. But selfish misery and selfish fear are no less ugly + than selfish happiness; a person who suffers ignobly becomes only + disgusted and disagreeable, and more selfish than ever. * * * But let us + not talk any more about Miss Davis, for it is not a pleasant subject; to a + man who seeks as I do to keep his heart full of worship the very air of + this place is stifling, with its idleness and pride. It gives the lie to + all my faith about life, and I have only to go back into my solitude and + forget it as soon as I can.” + </p> + <p> + “That ought not to be a difficult thing to do,” said the officer. + </p> + <p> + “It is for me,” the other answered; “it haunts my thoughts all the time.” + He paused for a while, and then he added, “I happened to think of + something I came across this morning, in a collection of French verse I + was reading; William, did you ever read anything of Auguste Brizeux?” + </p> + <p> + The other answered in the negative. + </p> + <p> + “He has some qualities that are very rare in French poetry,” went on Mr. + Howard. “He makes one think of Wordsworth. I happened to read a homely + little ballad of his,—a story of some of that tragedy of things that + we spoke of; one could name hundreds of such poems quite as good, I + suppose, but this happened to be the one I came across, and I could not + help thinking of Miss Davis and wondering if she were really so cold and + so hard that she could have heard this story without shuddering. For it + really shook me very much.” + </p> + <p> + “What is it?” the other asked. + </p> + <p> + “I can tell you the story in a few words,” said Mr. Howard. “To me it was + one of those flashes of beauty that frighten one and haunt him long + afterwards; and I do not quite like to think about it again.” + </p> + <p> + The speaker's voice dropped, and the girl involuntarily crept a little + nearer to hear him; there was a tree in front of her, and she leaned + against it, breathing very hard, tho making no sound. + </p> + <p> + “The ballad is called 'Jacques the Mason,'” said Mr. Howard, “There are + three little pictures in it; in the first of them you see two men setting + off to their work together, one of them bidding his wife and children + good-by, and promising to return with his friend for an evening's feast, + because the great building is to be finished. Then you see them at work, + swarming upon the structure and rejoicing in their success; and then you + hear the shouts of the crowd as the scaffolding breaks, and see those two + men hanging over the abyss, clinging to a little plank. It is not strong + enough to hold them both, and it is cracking, and that means a fearful + death; they try to cling to the stones of the building and cannot, and so + there comes one of those fearful moments that makes a man's heart break to + think of. Then in the fearful silence you hear one of the men whisper that + he has three children and a wife; and you see the other gaze at him an + instant with terror in his eyes, and then let go his hold and shoot down + to the street below. And that is all of the story.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Howard stopped, and there followed a long silence; afterwards he went + on, his voice trembling: “That is all,” he said, “except of course that + the man was killed. And I can think of nothing but that body hurled down + through the air, and the crushed figure and the writhing limbs. I fancy + the epic grandeur of soul of that poor ignorant laborer, and the glory + that must have flamed up in his heart at that great instant; so I find it + a dreadful poem, and wonder if it would not frighten that careless girl to + read it.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Howard stopped again, and the officer asked if the story were true. + </p> + <p> + “I do not know that,” answered the other, “nor do I care; it is enough to + know that every day men are called upon to face the shuddering reality of + existence in some such form as that. And the question which it brought to + my heart is, if it came to me, as terrible as that, and as sudden and + implacable, would I show myself the man or the dastard? And that filled me + with a fearful awe and humility, and a guilty wonder whether somewhere in + the world there might not be a wall from which I should be throwing + myself, instead of nursing my illness as I do, and being content to read + about greatness. And oh, I tell you, when I think of such things as that, + and see the pride and worthlessness of this thing that men call 'high + life,' it seemed to me no longer heedless folly, but dastardly and + fiendish crime, so that one can only bury his face in his hands and sob to + know of it. And William, the more I realized it, the more unbearable it + seemed to me that this glorious girl with all her God-given beauty, should + be plunging herself into a stream so foul. I felt as if it were cowardice + of mine that I did not take her by the hand and try to make her see what + madness she was doing.” + </p> + <p> + “Why do you not?” asked the lieutenant. + </p> + <p> + “I think I should have, in my more Quixotic days,” replied the other, + sadly; “and perhaps some day I may find myself in a kind of high life + where royal sincerity is understood. But in this world even an idealist + has to keep a sense of humor, unless he happens to be dowered with an + Isaiah's rage.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Howard paused for a moment and laughed slightly; then, however, he + went on more earnestly: “Yet, as I think of it, I know that I could + frighten her; I think that if I should tell her of some of the days and + nights that I have spent in tossing upon a bed of fire, she might find the + cup of her selfishness a trifle less pleasant to drink. It is something + that I have noticed with people, that they may be coarse or shallow enough + to laugh at virtue and earnestness, but there are very few who do not bow + their heads before suffering. For that is something physical; and they may + harden their conscience if they please, but from the possibility of bodily + pain they know that they can never be safe; and they seem to know that a + man who has walked with that demon has laid his hand upon the grim reality + of things, before which their shams and vanities shrink into nothingness. + The sight of it is always a kind of warning of the seriousness of life, + and so even when people feel no sympathy, they cannot but feel fear; I saw + for instance, that the first time this girl saw me she turned pale, and + she would not come anywhere near me.” + </p> + <p> + As the speaker paused again, Lieutenant Maynard said, very quietly: “I + should think that would be a hard cross to bear, David.” + </p> + <p> + “No,” said Mr. Howard, with a slight smile, “I had not that thought in my + mind. I have seen too much of the reality of life to trouble myself or the + the world with vanity of that very crude kind; I can sometimes imagine + myself being proud of my serenity, but that is one step beyond at any + rate. A man who lives in his soul very seldom thinks of himself in an + external way; when I look in the glass it is generally to think how + strange it is that this form of mine should be that which represents me to + men, and I cannot find anything they might really learn about me, except + the one physical fact of suffering.” + </p> + <p> + “They can certainly not fail to learn that,” said the other. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” replied Mr. Howard sadly, “I know, if any man does, what it is to + earn one's life by suffering and labor. That is why I have so mastering a + sense of life's preciousness, and why I cannot reconcile myself to this + dreadful fact of wealth. It is the same thing, too, that makes me feel so + keenly about this girl and her beauty, and keeps her in my thoughts. I + don't think I could tell you how the sight of her affected me, unless you + knew how I have lived all these lonely years. For I have had no friends + and no strength for any of the world's work, and all my battle has been + with my own soul, to be brave and to keep my self-command through all my + trials; I think my illness has acted as a kind of nervous stimulus upon + me, as if it were only by laboring to dwell upon the heights of my being + night and day that I could have strength to stand against despair. The + result is that I have lived for days in a kind of frenzy of effort, with + all my faculties at white heat; and it has always been the artist's life, + it has always been beauty that brought me the joy that I needed, and given + me the strength to go on. Beauty is the sign of victory, and the prize of + it, in this heart's battle; the more I have suffered and labored, the more + keenly I have come to feel that, until the commonest flower has a song for + me. And William, the time I saw this girl she wore a rose in her hair, but + she was so perfect that I scarcely saw the flower; there is that in a + man's heart which makes it that to him the fairest and most sacred of + God's creatures must always be the maiden. When I was young, I walked + about the earth half drunk with a dream of love; and even now, when I am + twice as old as my years, and burnt out and dying, I could not but start + when I saw this girl. For I fancied that she must carry about in that + maiden's heart of hers some high notion of what she meant in the world, + and what was due to her. When a man gazes upon beauty such as hers, there + is a feeling that comes to him that is quite unutterable, a feeling born + of all the weakness and failure and sin of his lifetime. For every true + man's life is a failure; and this is the vision that he sought with so + much pain, the thing that might have been, had he kept the faith with his + own genius. It is so that beauty is the conscience of the artist; and that + there must always be something painful and terrible about high perfection. + It was that way that I felt when I saw this girl's face, and I dreamt my + old dream of the sweetness and glory of a maiden's heart. I thought of its + spotlessness and of its royal scorn of baseness; and I tell you, William, + if I had found it thus I could have been content to worship and not even + ask that the girl look at me. For a man, when he has lived as I have + lived, can feel towards anything more perfect than himself a quite + wonderful kind of humility; I know that all the trouble with my helpless + struggling is that I must be everything to myself, and cannot find + anything to love, and so be at peace. That was the way I felt when I saw + this Miss Davis, all that agitation and all that yearning; and was it not + enough to make a man mock at himself, to learn the real truth? I was glad + that it did not happen to me when I was young and dependent upon things + about me; is it not easy to imagine how a young man might make such a + woman the dream of his life, how he might lay all his prayer at her feet, + and how, when he learned of her fearful baseness, it might make of him a + mocking libertine for the rest of his days?” + </p> + <p> + “You think it baseness?” asked Lieutenant Maynard. + </p> + <p> + “I tried to persuade myself at first that it must be only blindness; I + wondered to myself, 'Can she not see the difference between the life of + these people about her and the music and poetry her aunt tells me she + loves?' I never waste any of my worry upon the old and hardened of these + vulgar and worldly people; it is enough for me to know why the women are + dull and full of gossip, and to know how much depth there is in the pride + and in the wisdom of the men. But it was very hard for me to give up my + dream of the girl's purity; I rememher I thought of Heine's 'Thou art as a + flower,' and my heart was full of prayer. I wondered if it might not be + possible to tell her that one cannot combine music and a social career, + and that one cannot really buy happiness with sin; I thought that perhaps + she might be grateful for the warning that in cutting herself off from the + great deepening experience of woman she was consigning herself to + stagnation and wretchedness from which no money could ever purchase her + ransom; I thought that possibly she did not see that this man knew nothing + of her preciousness and had no high thoughts about her beauty. That was + the way I argued with myself about her innocence, and you may fancy the + kind of laughter that came over me at the truth. It is a ghastly thing, + William, the utter hardness, the grim and determined worldliness, of this + girl. For she knew very well what she was doing, and all the ignorance was + on my part. She had no care about anything in the world until that man + came in, and the short half hour that I watched them was enough to tell + her that her life's happiness was won. But only think of her, William, + with all her God-given beauty, allowing herself to be kissed by him! Try + to fancy what new kind of fiendishness must lie in her heart! I remember + that she is to marry him because he pays her millions, and the word + prostitution keeps haunting my memory; when I try to define it, I find + that the millions do not alter it in the least. That is a very cruel + thought,—a thought that drives away everything but the prayer—and + I sit and wonder what fearful punishment the hand of Fate will deal out + for such a thing as that, what hatefulness it will stamp upon her for a + sign to men. And then because the perfect face still haunts my memory, I + have a very Christ-like feeling indeed,—that I could truly die to + save that girl from such a horror.” + </p> + <p> + There was another long silence, and then suddenly, Mr. Howard rose from + his seat. “William,” he said in a different voice, “it is all useless, so + why should we talk so? The girl has to live her own life and learn these + things for herself. And in the meantime, perhaps I am letting myself be + too much moved by her beauty, for there are many people in the world who + are not beautiful, but who suffer things they do not deserve to suffer, + and who really deserve our sympathy and help.” + </p> + <p> + “I fancy you'd not be much thanked for it in this case,” said the other, + with a dry laugh. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Howard stood for some moments in silence, and then turned away to end + the conversation. “I fear,” he said, “that I have kept you more than I + have any right to. Let us go back to the house; it is not very polite to + our hostess to stay so long.” + </p> + <p> + “It must be nearly time for my train, anyhow,” said the officer, and a + moment later the two had passed out of the summer-house and up the path, + Lieutenant Maynard carrying Mr. Howard's violin-case in his hand. + </p> + <p> + The two did not see Helen as they passed her; the reason was that Helen + was stretched out upon the ground by the side of the hedge. It was not + that she was hiding,—she had no thought of that; it was because she + had been struck there by the scathing words that she had heard. Some of + them were so bitter that they could only have filled her with rage had she + not known that they were true, and had she not been awed by what she had + learned of this man's heart. She could feel only terror and fiery shame, + and the cruel words had beaten her down, first upon her knees, and then + upon her face, and they lashed her like whips of flame and tore into her + flesh and made her writhe. She dared not cry out, or even sob; she could + only dig into the ground with her quivering fingers, and lie there, + shuddering in a fearful way. Long after the two men were gone her cruel + punishment still continued, for she still seemed to hear his words, seared + into her memory with fire as they had been. What Mr. Howard had said had + come like a flash of lightning in the darkness to show her actions as they + really were; the last fearful sentences which she had heard had set all + her being aflame, and the thought of Mr. Harrison's embraces filled her + now with a perfect spasm of shame and loathing. + </p> + <p> + “I sold myself to him for money!” she panted. “Oh, God, for money!” + </p> + <p> + But then suddenly she raised herself up and stared about her, crying out, + half-hysterically, “No, no, it is not true! It is not true! I could never + have done it—I should have gone mad!” And a moment later Helen had + staggered to her feet. “I must tell him,” she gasped. “He must not think + so of me!” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Howard had come to her as a vision from a higher world, making all + that she had known and admired seem hideous and base; and her one thought + just then was of him. “He will still scorn me,” she thought, “but I must + tell him I really did suffer.” And heedless of the fact that her hair was + loose about her shoulders and her dress wet with the dew of the grass, the + girl ran swiftly up the lawn towards the house, whispering again and + again, “I must tell him!” + </p> + <p> + It was only a minute more before she was near the piazza, and could see + the people upon it as they stood in the lighted doorway. Mr. Howard was + one of them, and Helen would have rushed blindly up to speak to him, had + it not been that another thought came to her to stop her. + </p> + <p> + “Suppose he should know of Arthur!” she muttered, clenching her hands + until the nails cut her flesh. “Oh, what would he think then? And what + could I tell him?” And she shrank back into the darkness, like a black and + guilty thing. She crept around the side of the house and entered by + another door, stealing into one of the darkened parlors, where she flung + herself down upon a sofa and lay trembling before that new terror. When a + few minutes had passed and she heard a carriage outside, she sprang up + wildly, with the thought that he might be going. She had run half way to + the door before she recollected that the carriage must be for the + lieutenant, and then she stopped and stood still in the darkness, twisting + her hands together nervously and asking herself what she could do. + </p> + <p> + It occurred to her that she could look down the piazza from the window of + the room, and so she went swiftly to it. The officer was just descending + to the carriage, Mr. Roberts with him, and her aunt and Mr. Howard + standing at the top of the steps, the latter's figure clearly outlined in + the moonlight. Helen's heart was so full of despair and yearning just then + that she could have rushed out and flung herself at his feet, had he been + alone; but she felt a new kind of shrinking from her aunt. She stood + hesitating, therefore, muttering to herself, “I must let him know about it + somehow, and he will tell me what to do. Oh, I MUST! And I must tell him + now, before it is too late!” + </p> + <p> + She stood by the window, panting and almost choking with her emotion, + kneading her hands one upon the other in frenzied agitation; and then she + heard Mr. Howard say to her aunt, “I shall have to ask you to excuse me + now, for I must not forget that I am an invalid.” And Helen clutched her + burning temples, seeing him turn to enter the house, and seeing that her + chance was going. She glanced around her, almost desperate, and then + suddenly her heart gave a great leap, for just beside her was something + that had brought one resource to her mind. She had seen the piano in the + dim light, and had thought suddenly of the song that Mr. Howard had + mentioned. + </p> + <p> + “He will remember!” she thought swiftly, as she ran to the instrument and + sat down before it. With a strength born of her desperation she mastered + the quivering of her hands, and catching her breath, began in a weak and + trembling voice the melody of Rubenstein: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Thou art as a flower, + So pure and fair thou art; + I gaze on thee, and sorrow + Doth steal into my heart. + + “I would lay my hands upon thee, + Upon thy snowy brow, + And pray that God might keep thee + So pure and fair as now.” + </pre> + <p> + Helen did not know how she was singing, she thought only of telling her + yearning and her pain; she was so choked with emotion that she could + scarcely utter a sound at all, and the song must have startled those who + heard it. It was laden with all the tears that had been gathering in + Helen's heart for days. + </p> + <p> + She did not finish the song; she was thinking, “Will he understand?” She + stopped suddenly as she saw a shadow upon the porch outside, telling her + that Mr Howard had come nearer. There was a minute or so of breathless + suspense and then, as the shadow began to draw slowly backwards, Helen + clenched her hands convulsively, whispering to herself, “He will think it + was only an accident! Oh, what can I do?” + </p> + <p> + There are some people all of whose emotions take the form of music; there + came into Helen's mind at that instant a melody that was the very soul of + her agitation and her longing—MacDowell's “To a Water Lily;” the + girl thought of what Mr. Howard had said about the feeling that comes to + suffering mortals at the sight of something perfect and serene, and she + began playing the little piece, very softly, and with trembling hands. + </p> + <p> + It is quite wonderful music; to Helen with her heart full of grief and + despair, the chords that floated so cold and white and high were almost + too much to be borne. She played desperately on, however, because she saw + that Mr. Howard had stopped again, and she did not believe that he could + fail to understand that music. + </p> + <p> + So she continued until she came to the pleading song of the swan. The + music is written to a poem of Geibel's which tells of the snow-white lily, + and of the bird which wonders at its beauty; afterwards, because there is + nothing in all nature more cold and unapproachable than a water-lily, and + because one might sing to it all day and never fancy that it heard him, + the first melody rises again, as keen and as high as ever, and one knows + that his yearning is in vain, and that there is nothing for him but his + old despair. When Helen came to that she could go no farther, for her + wretchedness had been heaping itself up, and her heart was bursting. Her + fingers gave way as she struck the keys, and she sank down and hid her + face in her arms, and broke into wild and passionate sobbing. She was + almost choking with her pent-up emotions, so shaken that she was no longer + conscious of what went on about her. She did not hear Mr. Howard's voice, + as he entered, and she did not even hear the frightened exclamations of + her aunt, until the latter had flung her arms about her. Then she sprang + up and tore herself loose by main force, rushing upstairs and locking + herself in her own room, where she flung herself down upon the bed and + wept until she could weep no more, in the meantime not even hearing her + aunt's voice from the hallway, and altogether unconscious of the flight of + time. + </p> + <p> + When she sat up and brushed away her tangled hair and gazed about her, + everything in the house was silent. She herself was exhausted, but she + rose, and after pacing up and down the room a few minutes, seated herself + at the writing desk, and in spite of her trembling fingers, wrote a short + note to Mr. Gerald Harrison; then with a deep breath of relief, she rose, + and going to the window knelt down in front of it and gazed out. + </p> + <p> + The moon was high in the sky by that time, and the landscape about her was + flooded with its light. Everything was so calm and still that the girl + held her breath as she watched it; but suddenly she gave a start, for she + heard the sound of a violin again, so very faint that she at first thought + she was deluding herself. As she listened, however, she heard it more + plainly, and then she realized in a flash that Mr. Howard must have heard + her long-continued sobbing, and that he was playing something for her. It + was Schumann's “Traumerei;” and as the girl knelt there her soul was borne + away upon the wings of that heavenly melody, and there welled up in her + heart a new and very different emotion from any that she had ever known + before; it was born, half of the music, and half of the calm and the + stillness of the night,—that wonderful peace which may come to + mortals either in victory or defeat, when they give up their weakness and + their fear, and become aware of the Infinite Presence. When the melody had + died away, and Helen rose, there was a new light in her eyes, and a new + beauty upon her countenance, and she knew that her soul was right at last. + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0010" id="link2HCH0010"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER X + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Our acts our angels are, or good or ill, + Our fatal shadows that walk by us still.” + </pre> + <p> + Naturally there was considerable agitation in the Roberts family on + account of Helen's strange behavior; early the next morning Mrs. Roberts + was at her niece's door, trying to gain admittance. This time she did not + have to knock but once, and when she entered she was surprised to see that + Helen was already up and dressing. She had been expecting to find the girl + more prostrated than ever, and so the discovery was a great relief to her; + she stood gazing at her anxiously. + </p> + <p> + “Helen, dear,” she said, “I scarcely know how to begin to talk to you + about your extraordinary—” + </p> + <p> + “I wish,” interrupted Helen, “that you would not begin to talk to me about + it at all.” + </p> + <p> + “But you must explain to me what in the world is the matter,” protested + the other. + </p> + <p> + “I cannot possibly explain to you,” was the abrupt reply. Helen's voice + was firm, and there was a determined look upon her face, a look which + quite took her aunt by surprise. + </p> + <p> + “But, my dear girl!” she began once more. + </p> + <p> + “Aunt Polly!” said the other, interrupting her again, “I wish instead of + talking about it you would listen to what I have to say for a few moments. + For I have made up my mind just what I am going to do, and I am going to + take the reins in my own hands and not do any arguing or explaining to + anyone. And there is no use of asking me a word about what has happened, + for I could not hope to make you understand me, and I do not mean to try.” + </p> + <p> + As Helen uttered those words she fixed her eyes upon her aunt with an + unflinching gaze, with the result that Mrs. Roberts was quite too much + taken aback to find a word to say. + </p> + <p> + Without waiting for anything more Helen turned to the table. “Here is a + letter,” she said, “which I have written to Mr. Harrison; you know his + address in New York, I suppose?” + </p> + <p> + “His address?” stammered the other; “why,—yes, of course. But what + in the world—” + </p> + <p> + “I wish this letter delivered to him at once, Aunt Polly,” Helen + continued. “It is of the utmost importance, and I want you to do me the + favor to send someone into the city with it by the next train.” + </p> + <p> + “But, Helen, dear—” + </p> + <p> + “Now please do not ask me anything about it,” went on the girl, + impatiently. “I have told you that you must let me manage this affair + myself. If you will not send it I shall simply have to get someone to take + it. He must have it, and have it at once.” + </p> + <p> + “Will it not do to mail it, Helen?” + </p> + <p> + “No, because I wish him to get it this morning.” And Helen put the letter + into her aunt's hands, while the latter gazed helplessly, first at it, and + then at the girl. There is an essay of Bacon's in which is set forth the + truth that you can bewilder and master anyone if you are only sufficiently + bold and rapid; Mrs. Roberts was so used to managing everything and being + looked up to by everyone that Helen's present mood left her quite dazed. + </p> + <p> + Nor did the girl give her any time to recover her presence of mind. “There + is only one thing more,” she said, “I want you to have breakfast as soon + as you can, and then to let me have a carriage at once.” + </p> + <p> + “A carriage?” echoed the other. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, Aunt Polly, I wish to drive over to Hilltown immediately.” + </p> + <p> + “To Hilltown!” gasped Aunt Polly with yet greater consternation, and + showing signs of resistance at last; “pray what—” + </p> + <p> + But Helen only came again to the attack, with yet more audacity and + confidence. “Yes,” she said, “to Hilltown; I mean to go to see Arthur.” + </p> + <p> + For answer to that last statement, poor Mrs. Roberts had simply no words + whatever; she could only gaze, and in the meantime, Helen was going calmly + on with her dressing, as if the matter were settled. + </p> + <p> + “Will Mr. Howard be down to breakfast?” she asked. + </p> + <p> + “As he is going away to-day, I presume he will be down,” was the reply, + after which Helen quickly completed her toilet, her aunt standing by and + watching her in the meantime. + </p> + <p> + “Helen, dear,” she asked at last, after having recovered her faculties a + trifle, “do you really mean that you will not explain to me a thing of + what has happened, or of what you are doing?” + </p> + <p> + “There is so much, Aunt Polly, that I cannot possibly explain it now; I + have too much else to think of. You must simply let me go my way, and I + will tell you afterwards.” + </p> + <p> + “But, Helen, is that the right way to treat me? Is it nothing to you, all + the interest that I have taken in this and all that I have done for you, + that you should think so little of my advice?” + </p> + <p> + “I do not need any advice now,” was the answer. “Aunt Polly, I see exactly + what I should do, and I do not mean to stop a minute for anything else + until I have done it. If it seems unkind, I am very sorry, but in the + meantime it must be done.” + </p> + <p> + And while she was saying the words, Helen was putting on her hat; then + taking up her parasol and gloves she turned towards her aunt. “I am ready + now,” she said, “and please let me have breakfast just as soon as you + can.” + </p> + <p> + The girl was so much preoccupied with her own thoughts and purposes that + she scarcely even heard what her aunt said; she went down into the garden + where she could be alone, and paced up and down impatiently until she + heard the bell. Then she went up into the dining room, where she found her + aunt and uncle in conversation with Mr. Howard. + </p> + <p> + Helen had long been preparing herself to meet him, but she could not keep + her cheeks from flushing or keep from lowering her eyes; she bit her lips + together, however, and forced herself to look at him, saying very + resolutely, “Mr. Howard, I have to drive over to Hilltown after breakfast, + and I wish very much to talk to you about something; would you like to + drive with me?” + </p> + <p> + “Very much indeed,” said he, quietly, after which Helen said not a word + more. She saw that her aunt and uncle were gazing at her and at each other + in silent wonder, but she paid no attention to it. After eating a few + hurried mouthfuls she excused herself, and rose and went outside, where + she saw the driving-cart which had been bought for her use, waiting for + her. It was not much longer before Mr. Howard was ready, for he saw her + agitation. + </p> + <p> + “It is rather a strange hour to start upon a drive,” she said to him, “but + I have real cause for hurrying; I will explain about it.” And then she + stopped, as her aunt came out to join them. + </p> + <p> + It was only a moment more before Mr. Howard had excused himself, and the + two were in the wagon, Helen taking the reins. She waved a farewell to her + aunt and then started the horse, and they were whirled swiftly away down + the road. + </p> + <p> + All the morning Helen's mind had been filled with things that she wished + to say to Mr. Howard. But now all her resolution seemed to have left her, + and she was trembling very much, and staring straight ahead, busying + herself with guiding the horse. When they were out upon the main road + where they might go as fast as they pleased without that necessity, she + swallowed the lump in her throat and made one or two nervous attempts to + speak. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Howard in the meantime had been gazing in front of him thoughtfully. + “Miss Davis,” he said suddenly, turning his eyes upon her, “may I ask you + a question?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Helen faintly. + </p> + <p> + “You heard all that I said about you last night?” + </p> + <p> + And Helen turned very red and looked away. “Yes, I heard it all,” she + said; and then there was a long silence. + </p> + <p> + It was broken by the man, who began in a low voice: “I scarcely know how, + Miss Davis, I can apologize to you—” + </p> + <p> + And then he stopped short, for the girl had turned her glance upon him, + wonderingly. “Apologize?” she said; she had never once thought of that + view of it, and the word took her by surprise. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Mr. Howard; “I said so many hard and cruel things that I + cannot bear to think of them.” + </p> + <p> + Helen still kept her eyes fixed upon him, as she said, “Did you say + anything that was not true, Mr. Howard?” + </p> + <p> + The man hesitated a moment, and then he answered: “I said many things that + I had no right to say to you.” + </p> + <p> + “That is not it,” said Helen simply. “Did you say anything that was not + true?” + </p> + <p> + Again Mr. Howard paused. “I am quite sure that I did,” he said at last. + “Most of what I said I feel to have been untrue since I have seen how it + affected you.” + </p> + <p> + “Because it made me so ashamed?” said Helen. And then some of the thoughts + that possessed her forced their way out, and she hurried on impetuously: + “That was the first thing I wanted to tell you. It is really true that you + were wrong, for I am not hard-hearted at all. It was something that my—that + people were making me do, and all the time I was wretched. It was + dreadful, I know, but I was tempted, because I do love beautiful things. + And it was all so sudden, and I could not realize it, and I had nobody to + advise me, for none of the people I meet would think it was wrong. You + must talk to me and help me, because I've got to be very strong; my aunt + will be angry, and when I get back perhaps Mr. Harrison will be there, and + I shall have to tell him.” + </p> + <p> + Then the girl stopped, out of breath and trembling with excitement; Mr. + Howard turned abruptly and fixed his dark eyes upon her. + </p> + <p> + “Tell him,” he said. “Tell him what?” + </p> + <p> + “That I shall not marry him, of course,” answered Helen; the other gave a + start, but she was so eager that she did not even notice it. “I could not + lose a minute,” she said. “For it was so very dreadful, you know.” + </p> + <p> + “And you really mean not to marry him?” asked the other. + </p> + <p> + “Mean it!” echoed the girl, opening her eyes very wide. “Why, how in the + world could you suppose—” And then she stopped short, and laughed + nervously. “Of course,” she said, “I forgot; you might suppose anything. + But, oh, if I could tell you how I have suffered, Mr. Howard, you would + understand that I could never have such a thought again in the world. + Please do understand me, for if I had really been so base I should not + come to you as I do after what I heard. I cannot tell you how dreadfully I + suffered while I was listening, but after I had cried so much about it, I + felt better, and it seemed to me that it was the best thing that could + have happened to me, just to see my actions as they seemed to someone + else,—to someone who was good. I saw all at once the truth of what I + was doing, and it was agony to me to know that you thought so of me. That + was why I could not rest last night until I had told you that I was really + unhappy; for it was something that I was unhappy, wasn't it, Mr. Howard?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said the other, “it was very much indeed.” + </p> + <p> + “And oh, I want you to know the truth,” Helen went on swiftly. “Perhaps it + is just egotism on my part, and I have really no right to tell you all + about myself in this way; and perhaps you will scorn me when you come to + know the whole truth. But I cannot help telling you about it, so that you + may advise me what to do; I was all helpless and lost, and what you said + came last night like a wonderful light. And I don't care what you think + about me if you will only tell me the real truth, in just the same way + that you did; for I realized afterwards that it was that which had helped + me so. It was the first time in my life that it had ever happened to me; + when you meet people in the world, they only say things that they know + will please you, and that does you no good. I never realized before how a + person might go through the world and really never meet with another heart + in all his life; and that one can be fearfully lonely, even in a parlor + full of people. Did you ever think of that, Mr. Howard?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Howard had fixed his keen eyes upon the girl as she went breathlessly + on; she was very pale, and the sorrow through which she had passed had + left, “I have been so cold and wicked, that you will soon scorn me + altogether.” + </p> + <p> + “I do not think that is possible,” said her companion, gently, as he saw + the girl choking back a sob. + </p> + <p> + “Well, listen then,” Helen began; but then she stopped again. “Do you wish + me to tell you?” she asked. “Do you care anything about it at all, or does + it seem—” + </p> + <p> + “I care very much about it, indeed,” the other answered. + </p> + <p> + “However dreadful it may seem,” said Helen. “Oh, please know that while I + have been doing it, it has made me utterly wretched, and that I am so + frightened now that I can scarcely talk to you; and that if there is + anything that I can do—oh, absolutely anything—I will do it!” + Then the girl bit her lips together and went on with desperate haste, + “It's what you said about what would happen if there were someone else to + love me, and to see how very bad I was!” + </p> + <p> + “There is some such person?” asked the man, in a low voice. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said she. “It is someone I have known as long as I can remember. + And he loves me very much indeed, I think; and while I was letting myself + be tempted in this way he was very sick, and because I knew I was so bad I + did not dare go near him; and yesterday when he heard I was going to marry + this man, it almost killed him, and I do not know what to fear now.” + </p> + <p> + Then, punishing herself very bravely and swallowing all her bitter shame, + Helen went on to tell Mr. Howard of Arthur, and of her friendship with + him, and of how long he had waited for her; she narrated in a few words + how he had left her, and then how she had seen him upon the road. + Afterwards she stopped and sat very still, trembling, and with her eyes + lowered, quite forgetting that she was driving. + </p> + <p> + “Miss Davis,” said the other, gently, seeing how she was suffering, “if + you wish my advice about this, I should not worry myself too much; it is + better, I find in my own soul's life, to save most of the time that one + spends upon remorse, and devote it to action.” + </p> + <p> + “To action?” asked Helen. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said the other. “You have been very thoughtless, but you may hope + that nothing irrevocable has happened; and when you have seen your friend + and told him the truth just as you have told it to me, I fancy it will + bring him joy enough to compensate him for what he has suffered.” + </p> + <p> + “That was what I meant to do,” the girl went on. “But I have been + terrified by all sorts of fancies, and when I remember how much pain I + caused him, I scarcely dare think of speaking to him. When I saw him by + the roadside, Mr. Howard, he seemed to me to look exactly like you, there + was such dreadful suffering written in his face.” + </p> + <p> + “A man who lives as you have told me your friend has lived,” said the + other, “has usually a very great power of suffering; such a man builds for + himself an ideal which gives him all his joy and his power, and makes his + life a very glorious thing; but when anything happens to destroy his + vision or to keep him from seeking it, he suffers with the same intensity + that he rejoiced before. The great hunger that was once the source of his + power only tears him to pieces then, as steam wrecks a broken engine.” + </p> + <p> + “It's very dreadful,” Helen said, “how thoughtless I was all along. I only + knew that he loved me very much, and that it was a vexation to me.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Howard glanced at her. “You do not love him?” he asked. + </p> + <p> + “No,” said Helen, quickly. “If I had loved him, I could never have had a + thought of all these other things. But I had no wish to love anybody; it + was more of my selfishness.” + </p> + <p> + “Perhaps not,” the other replied gently. “Some day you may come to love + him, Miss Davis.” + </p> + <p> + “I do not know,” Helen said. “Arthur was very impatient.” + </p> + <p> + “When a man is swift and eager in all his life,” said Mr. Howard, smiling, + “he cannot well be otherwise in his love. Such devotion ought to be very + precious to a woman, for such hearts are not easy to find in the world.” + </p> + <p> + Helen had turned and was gazing anxiously at Mr. Howard as he spoke to her + thus. “You really think,” she said, “that I should learn to appreciate + Arthur's love?” + </p> + <p> + “I cannot know much about him from the little you have told me,” was the + other's answer. “But it seems to me that it is there you might find the + best chance to become the unselfish woman that you wish to be.” + </p> + <p> + “It is very strange,” the girl responded, wonderingly, “how differently + you think about it. I should have supposed I was acting very unwisely + indeed if I loved Arthur; everyone would have told me of his poverty and + obscurity, and of how I must give up my social career.” + </p> + <p> + “I think differently, perhaps,” Mr. Howard said, “because I have lived so + much alone. I have come to know that happiness is a thing of one's own + heart, and not of externals; the questions I should ask about a marriage + would not be of wealth and position. If you really wish to seek the + precious things of the soul, I should think you would be very glad to + prove it by some sacrifice; and I know that two hearts are brought closer, + and all the memories of life made dearer, by some such trial in the early + days. People sneer at love in a cottage, but I am sure that love that + could wish to live anywhere else is not love. And as to the social career, + a person who has once come to know the life of the heart soon ceases to + care for any kind of life that is heartless; a social career is certainly + that, and in comparison very vulgar indeed.” + </p> + <p> + Helen looked a little puzzled, and repeated the word “vulgar” inquiringly. + Mr Howard smiled. + </p> + <p> + “That is the word I always use when I am talking about high life,” he + said, laughing. “You may hurl the words 'selfish' and 'worldly' at it all + you please, and never reach a vital spot; but the word 'vulgar' goes + straight to the heart.” + </p> + <p> + “You must explain to me why it is that,” said Helen, with so much + seriousness that the other could not help smiling again. + </p> + <p> + “Perhaps I cannot make anyone else see the thing as I do,” was his reply. + “And yet it seems rery simple. When a man lives a while in his own soul, + he becomes aware of the existence of a certain spiritual fact which gives + life all its dignity and meaning; he learns that this sacred thing demands + to be sought for, and worshiped; and that the man who honors it and seeks + it is only hailed as gentleman, and aristocrat, and that he who does not + honor it and seek it is vulgar, tho he be heir of a hundred earls, and + leader of all society, and lord of millions. Every day that one lives in + this presence that I speak of, he discovers a little more how sacred a + thing is true nobility, and how impertinent is the standard that values + men for the wealth they win, or for the ribbons they wear, or for anything + else in the world. I fancy that you, if you came once to love your friend, + would find it very easy to do without the admiration of those who go to + make up society; they would come to seem to you very trivial and empty + people, and afterwards, perhaps, even very cruel and base.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Howard stopped; but then seeing that Helen was gazing at him + inquiringly once more he added, gravely, “One could be well content to let + vain people strut their little hour and be as wonderful as they chose, if + it were not for the painful fact that they are eating the bread of honest + men, and that millions are toiling and starving in order that they may + have ease and luxury. That is such a very dreadful thing to know that + sometimes one can think of nothing else, and it drives him quite mad.” + </p> + <p> + The girl sat very still after that, trembling a little in her heart; + finally she asked, her voice shaking slightly, “Mr. Howard, what can one + do about such things?” + </p> + <p> + “Very little,” was the reply, “for they must always be; but at least one + can keep his own life earnest and true. A woman who felt such things very + keenly might be an inspiration to a man who was called upon to battle with + selfishness and evil.” + </p> + <p> + “You are thinking of Arthur once more?” asked the girl. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” answered the other, with a slight smile. “It would be a happy + memory for me, to know that I have been able to give you such an ideal. + Some of these days, you see, I am hoping that we shall again have a poet + with a conviction and a voice, so that men may know that sympathy and love + are things as real as money. I am quite sure there never was a nation so + ridiculously sodden as our own just at present; all of our maxims and ways + of life are as if we were the queer little Niebelung creatures that dig + for treasure in the bowels of the earth, and see no farther than the ends + of their shovels; we live in the City of God, and spend all our time + scraping the gold of the pavements. Your uncle told me this morning that + he did not see why a boy should go to college when he can get a higher + salary if he spends the four years in business. I find that there is + nothing to do but to run away and live alone, if one wants really to + believe that man is a spiritual nature, with an infinite possibility of + wonder and love; and that the one business of his life is to develop that + nature by contact with things about him; and that every act of narrow + selfishness he commits is a veil which he ties about his own eyes, and + that when he has tied enough of them, not all the pearl and gold of the + gorgeous East can make him less a pitiable wretch.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Howard stopped again, and smiled slightly; Helen sat gazing + thoughtfully ahead, thinking about his way of looking at life, and how + very strange her own actions seemed in the light of it. Suddenly, however, + because throughout all the conversation there had been another thought in + her consciousness, she glanced ahead and urged the horse even faster. She + saw far in the distance the houses of the place to which she was bound, + and she said nothing more, her companion also becoming silent as he + perceived her agitation. + </p> + <p> + Helen had been constantly growing more anxious, so that now the carriage + could not travel fast enough; it seemed to her that everything depended + upon what she might find at Hilltown. It was only the thought of Arthur + that kept her from feeling completely free from her wretchedness; she felt + that she might remedy all the wrong that she had done, and win once more + the prize of a good conscience, provided only that nothing irretrievable + had happened to him. Now as she came nearer she found herself imagining + more and more what might have happened, and becoming more and more + impatient. There was a balance dangling before her eyes, with utter + happiness on one side and utter misery on the other; the issue depended + upon what she discovered at Hilltown. + </p> + <p> + The two sat in silence, both thinking of the same thing, as they whirled + past the place where Helen had seen Arthur before. The girl trembled as + she glanced at it, for all of the previous day's suffering rose before her + again, and made her fears still more real and importunate. She forced + herself to look, however, half thinking that she might see Arthur again; + but that did not happen, and in a minute or two more the carriage had come + to the house where he lived. She gave the reins to Mr. Howard, and sprang + quickly out; she rang the bell, and then stood for a minute, twitching her + fingers, and waiting. + </p> + <p> + The woman who kept the house, and whom Helen knew personally, opened the + door; the visitor stepped in and gasped out breathlessly, “Where is + Arthur?” Her hands shook visibly as she waited for the reply. + </p> + <p> + “He is not in, Miss Davis,” the woman answered. + </p> + <p> + “Where is he?” Helen cried. + </p> + <p> + “I do not know,” was the response. “He has gone.” + </p> + <p> + “Gone!” And the girl started back, catching at her heart. “Gone where?” + </p> + <p> + “I do not know, Miss Davis.” + </p> + <p> + “But what—” began the other. + </p> + <p> + “This will tell you all I know,” said the woman, as she fumbled in her + apron, and put a scrap of crumpled paper into Helen's trembling hands. + </p> + <p> + The girl seized it and glanced at it; then she staggered back against the + wall, ghastly pale and almost sinking. The note, in Arthur's hand, but so + unsteady as to be almost illegible, ran thus: “You will find in this my + board for the past week; I am compelled to leave Hilltown, and I shall not + ever return.” + </p> + <p> + And that was all. Helen stared at it and stared again, and then let it + fall and gazed about her, echoing, in a hollow voice, “And I shall not + ever return!” + </p> + <p> + “That is all I can tell you about it,” went on the woman. “I have not seen + him since Elizabeth was here yesterday morning; he came back late last + night and packed his bag and went away.” + </p> + <p> + Helen sank down upon a chair and buried her face in her hands, quite + overwhelmed by the suddenness of that discovery. She remained thus for a + long time, without either sound or motion, and the woman stood watching + her, knowing full well what was the matter. When Helen looked up again + there was agony written upon her countenance. “Oh, are you sure you have + no idea where I can find him?” she moaned. + </p> + <p> + “No, Miss Davis,” said the woman. “I was asounded when I got this note.” + </p> + <p> + “But someone must know, oh, surely they must! Someone must have seen him,—or + he must have told someone!” + </p> + <p> + “I think it likely that he took care not to,” was the reply. + </p> + <p> + The thought was a death-knell to Helen's last hope, and she sank down, + quite overcome; she knew that Arthur could have had but one motive in + acting as he had,—that he meant to cut himself off entirely from all + his old life and surroundings. He had no friends in Hilltown, and having + lived all alone, it would be possible for him to do it. Helen remembered + Mr. Howard's saying of the night before, how the sight of her baseness + might wreck a man's life forever, and the more she thought of that, the + more it made her tremble. It seemed almost more than she could bear to see + this fearful consequence of her sin, and to know that it had become a fact + of the outer world, and gone beyond her power. It seemed quite too cruel + that she should have such a thing on her conscience, and have it there + forever; most maddening of all was the thought that it had depended upon a + few hours of time. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, how can I have waited!” she moaned. “I should have come last night, I + should have stopped the carriage when I saw him! Oh, it is not possible!” + </p> + <p> + Perhaps there are no more tragic words in human speech than “Too late.” + Helen felt just then as if the right even to repentance were taken from + her life. It was her first introduction to that fearful thing of which Mr. + Howard had told her upon their first meeting; in the deep loneliness of + her own heart Helen was face to face just then with FATE. She shrank back + in terror, and she struggled frantically, but she felt its grip of steel + about her wrist; and while she sat there with her face hidden, she was + learning to gaze into its eyes, and front their fiery terror. When she + looked up again her face was very white and pitiful to see, and she rose + from her chair and went toward the door so unsteadily that the woman put + her arm about her. + </p> + <p> + “You will tell me,” she gasped faintly—“you will tell me if you hear + anything?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said the other gently, “I will.” + </p> + <p> + So Helen crept into the carriage again, looking so full of wretchedness + that her companion knew that the worst must have happened, and took the + reins and silently drove towards home, while the girl sat perfectly still. + They were fully half way home before she could find a word in which to + tell him of her misery. “I shall never be happy in my life again!” she + whispered. “Oh, Mr. Howard, never in my life!” + </p> + <p> + When the man gazed at her, he was frightened to see how grief and fear had + taken possession of her face; and yet there was no word that he could say + to soothe her, and no hope that he could give her. When the drive was + ended, she stole silently up to her room, to be alone with her misery once + more. + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0011" id="link2HCH0011"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER XI. + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Thou majestic in thy sadness.” + </pre> + <p> + Upon the present occasion there was no violent demonstration of emotion to + alarm the Roberts household, for Helen's grief was not of the kind to vent + itself in a passionate outburst and pass away. To be sure, she wept a + little, but the thoughts which haunted her were not of a kind to be + forgotten, and afterwards she was as wretched as ever. What she had done + seemed to her so dreadful that even tears were not right, and she felt + that she ought only to sit still and think of it, and be frightened; it + seemed to her just then as if she would have to do the same thing for the + rest of her days. She spent several hours in her room without once moving, + and without being disturbed, for her aunt was sufficiently annoyed at her + morning's reception not to visit her again. The lunch hour passed, + therefore, unthought of by Helen, and it was an hour or two later before + she heard her aunt's step in the hall, and her knock upon the door. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Roberts entered and stood in the center of the room, gazing at Helen, + and at the look of helpless despair which she turned towards her; the + woman's own lips were set very tightly. + </p> + <p> + “Well?” she said abruptly, “have you had your wish, and are you happy?” + </p> + <p> + Helen did not answer, nor did she half realize the question, so lost was + she in her own misery. She sat gazing at her aunt, while the latter went + on: “You have had your way in one thing, at any rate, Helen; Mr. Harrison + is downstairs to see you.” + </p> + <p> + The girl gave a slight start, but then she answered quietly: “Thank you, + Auntie; I shall go down and see him.” + </p> + <p> + “Helen,” said Mrs. Roberts, “do you still refuse to tell me anything of + what I ask you?” + </p> + <p> + Helen was quite too much humbled to wish to oppose anyone just then; and + she answered mournfully, “What is it that you wish?” + </p> + <p> + “I wish to know in the first place why you wanted to see Mr. Harrison.” + </p> + <p> + “I wanted to see him to tell him that I could not marry him, Aunt Polly.” + </p> + <p> + And Mrs. Roberts sat down opposite Helen and fixed her gaze upon her. “I + knew that was it,” she said grimly. “Now, Helen, what in the world has + come over you to make you behave in this fashion?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, it is so much to tell you,” began the girl; “I don't know—” + </p> + <p> + “What did you find at Hilltown?” went on her aunt persistently. “Did you + see Arthur?” + </p> + <p> + “No, Aunt Polly, that is what is the matter; he has gone.” + </p> + <p> + “Gone! Gone where?” + </p> + <p> + “Away, Aunt Polly! Nobody saw him go, and he left a note saying that he + would never return. And I am so frightened—” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Roberts was gazing at her niece with a puzzled look upon her face. + She interrupted her by echoing the word “frightened” inquiringly. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, Auntie!” cried the girl; “for I may never be able to find him again, + to undo what I have done!” + </p> + <p> + And Mrs. Roberts responded with a wondering laugh, and observed, “For my + part, I should think you'd be very glad to be rid of him so.” + </p> + <p> + She saw Helen give a start, but she could not read the girl's mind, and + did not know how much she had done to estrange her by those words. It was + as if Helen's whole soul had shrunk back in horror, and she sat staring at + her aunt with open eyes. + </p> + <p> + “I suppose you think,” the other went on grimly, “that I am going to share + all this wonderful sentimentality with you about that boy; but I assure + you that you don't know me! He may get you to weep over him because he + chooses to behave like a fool, but not me.” + </p> + <p> + Helen was still for a moment, and then she said, in an awe-stricken voice: + “Aunt Polly, I have wrecked Arthur's life!” Mrs. Roberts responded with a + loud guffaw, which was to the other so offensive that it was like a blow + in the face. + </p> + <p> + “Wrecked his life!” the woman cried scornfully. “Helen, you talk like a + baby! Can't you know in the first place that Arthur is doing all this + high-tragedy acting for nothing in the world but to frighten you? Wrecked + his life! And there you were, I suppose, all ready to get down on your + knees to him, and beg his pardon for daring to be engaged, and to promise + to come to his attic and live off bread and water, if he would only be + good and not run away!” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Roberts' voice was bitter and mocking, and her words seemed to Helen + almost blasphemy; it had never occurred to her that such grief as hers + would not be sacred to anyone. Yet there was no thought of anger in her + mind just then, for she had been chastened in a fiery furnace, and was too + full of penitence and humility for even that much egotism. She only bowed + her head, and said, in a trembling voice: “Oh, Aunt Polly, I would stay in + an attic and live off bread and water for the rest of my days, if I could + only clear my conscience of the dreadful thing I have done.” + </p> + <p> + “A beautiful sentiment indeed!” said Mrs. Roberts, with a sniff of + disgust; and she stood surveying her niece in silence for a minute or two. + Then smothering her feelings a little, she asked her in a quieter voice, + “And so, Helen, you are really going to fling aside the life opportunity + that is yours for such nonsense as this? There is no other reason?” + </p> + <p> + “There is another reason, Aunt Polly,” said Helen; “it is so dreadful of + you to ask me in that way. How CAN you have expected me to marry a man + just because he was rich?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh,” said the other, “so that is it! And pray what put the idea into your + head so suddenly?” She paused a moment, and then, as the girl did not + raise her head, she went on, sarcastically, “I fancy I know pretty well + where you got all of these wonderful new ideas; you have not been talking + with Mr. Howard for nothing, I see.” + </p> + <p> + “No, not for nothing,” said Helen gently. + </p> + <p> + “A nice state of affairs!” continued the other angrily; “I knew pretty + well that his head was full of nonsense, but when I asked him here I + thought at least that he would know enough about good manners to mind his + own affairs. So he has been talking to you, has he? And now you cannot + possibly marry a rich man!” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Roberts stopped, quite too angry to find any more words; but as she + sat for a minute or two, gazing at Helen, it must have occurred to her + that she would not accomplish anything in that way. She made an effort to + swallow her emotions. + </p> + <p> + “Helen, dear,” she said, sitting down near her niece, “why will you worry + me in this dreadful way, and make me speak so crossly to you? I cannot + tell you, Helen, what a torment it is to me to see you throwing yourself + away in this fashion; I implore you to stop and think before you take this + step, for as sure as you are alive you will regret it all your days. Just + think of it how you will feel, and how I will feel, when you look back at + the happiness you might have had, and know that it is too late! And, + Helen, it is due to nothing in the world but to your inexperience that you + have let yourself be carried away by these sublimities. You MUST know, + child, and you can see if you choose, that they have nothing to do with + life; they will not butter your bread, Helen, or pay your coachman, and + when you get over all this excitement, you will find that what I tell you + is true. Look about you in the world, and where can you find anybody who + lives according to such ideas?” + </p> + <p> + “What ideas do you mean, Aunt Polly?” asked Helen, with a puzzled look. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, don't you suppose,” answered the other, “that I know perfectly well + what kind of stuff it is that Mr. Howard has talked to you? I used to hear + all that kind of thing when I was young, and I believed some of it, too,—about + how beautiful it was to marry for love, and to have a fine scorn of wealth + and all the rest of it; but it wasn't very long before I found out that + such opinions were of no use in the world.” + </p> + <p> + “Then you don't believe in love, Aunt Polly?” asked Helen, fixing her eyes + on the other. + </p> + <p> + “What's the use of asking such an absurd question?” was the answer. “Of + course I believe in love; I wanted you to love Mr. Harrison, and you might + have, if you had chosen. I learned to love Mr. Roberts; naturally, a + couple have to love each other, or how would they ever live happily + together? But what has that to do with this ridiculous talk of Mr. + Howard's? As if two people had nothing else to do in the world but to love + each other! It's all very well, Helen, for a man who chooses to live like + Robinson Crusoe to talk such nonsense, but he ought not to put it in the + mind of a sentimental girl. He would very soon find, if he came out into + life, that the world isn't run by love, and that people need a good many + other things to keep them happy in it. You ought to have sense enough to + see that you've got to live a different sort of a life, and that Mr. + Howard knows nothing in the world about your needs. I don't go alone and + live in visions, and make myself imaginary lives, Helen; I look at the + world as it is. You will have to learn some day that the real way to find + happiness is to take things as you find them, and get the best out of life + you can. I never had one-tenth of your advantages, and yet there aren't + many people in the world better off than I am; and you could be just as + happy, if you would only take my advice about it. What I am talking to you + is common sense, Helen, and anybody that you choose to ask will tell you + the same thing.” + </p> + <p> + So Mrs. Roberts went on, quite fairly under way in her usual course of + argument, and rousing all her faculties for this last struggle. She was as + convinced as ever of the completeness of her own views, and of the effect + which they must have upon Helen; perhaps it was not her fault that she did + not know to what another person she was talking. + </p> + <p> + In truth, it would not be easy to tell how great a difference there was in + the effect of those old arguments upon Helen; while she had been sitting + in her room alone and suffering so very keenly, the girl had been, though + she did not know it, very near indeed to the sacred truths of life, and + now as she listened to her aunt, she was simply holding her breath. The + climax came suddenly, for as the other stopped, Helen leaned forward in + her chair, and gazing deep into her eyes asked her, “Aunt Polly, can it + really be that you do not know that what you have been saying to me is + dreadfully <i>wicked</i>?” + </p> + <p> + There was perhaps nothing that the girl could have done to take her + complacent relative more by surprise; Mrs. Roberts sat for a moment, + echoing the last word, and staring as if not quite able to realize what + Helen meant. As the truth came to her she turned quite pale. + </p> + <p> + “It seems to me,” she said with a sneer, “that I remember a time when it + didn't seem quite so wicked to you. If I am not mistaken you were quite + glad to do all that I told you, and to get as much as ever you could.” + </p> + <p> + Helen was quite used to that taunt in her own heart, and to the pain that + it brought her, so she only lowered her eyes and said nothing. In the + meantime Mrs. Roberts was going on in her sarcastic tone: + </p> + <p> + “Wicked indeed!” she ejaculated, “and I suppose all that I have been doing + for you was wicked too! I suppose it was wicked of me to watch over your + education all these years as I have, and to plan your future as if you + were my own child, so that you might amount to something in the world; and + it was wicked of me to take all the trouble that I have for your + happiness, and wicked of Mr. Roberts to go to all the trouble about the + trousseau that he has! The only right and virtuous thing about it all is + the conduct of our niece who causes us to do it all, and who promises + herself to a man and lets him go to all the trouble that he has, and then + gets her head full of sanctimonious notions and begins to preach about + wickedness to her elders!” + </p> + <p> + Helen had nothing to reply to those bitter words, for it was only too easy + just then to make her accuse herself of anything. She sat meekly + suffering, and thinking that the other was quite justified in all her + anger. Mrs. Roberts was, of course, quite incapable of appreciating her + mood, and continued to pour out her sarcasm, and to grow more and more + bitter. To tell the truth, the worthy matron had not been half so + unselfish in her hopes about Helen as she liked to pretend, and she showed + then that like most people of the world who are perfectly good-natured on + the surface, she could display no little ugliness when thwarted in her + ambitions and offended in her pride. + </p> + <p> + It was not possible, however, for her to find a word that could seem to + Helen unjust, so much was the girl already humbled. It was only after her + aunt had ceased to direct her taunts at her, and turned her spite upon Mr. + Howard and his superior ideas, that it seemed to Helen that it was not + helping her to hear any more; then she rose and said, very gently, “Aunt + Polly, I am sorry that you feel so about me, and I wish that I could + explain to you better what I am doing. I know that what I did at first was + all wrong, but that is no reason why I should leave it wrong forever. I + think now that I ought to go and talk to Mr. Harrison, who is waiting for + me, and after that I want you to please send me home, because father will + be there to-day, and I want to tell him about how dreadfully I have + treated Arthur, and beg him to forgive me.” + </p> + <p> + Then, without waiting for any reply, the girl left the room and went + slowly down the steps. The sorrow that possessed her lay so deep upon her + heart that everything else seemed trivial in comparison, and she had put + aside and forgotten the whole scene with her aunt before she had reached + the parlor where Mr. Harrison was waiting; she did not stop to compose + herself or to think what to say, but went quickly into the room. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Harrison, who was standing by the window, turned when he heard her; + she answered his greeting kindly, and then sat down and remained very + still for a moment or two, gazing at her hands in her lap. At last she + raised her eyes to him, and asked: “Mr. Harrison, did you receive the + letter I wrote you?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” the other answered quickly, “I did. I cannot tell you how much pain + it caused me. And, Helen—or must I call you Miss Davis?” + </p> + <p> + “You may call me Helen,” said the girl simply. “I was very sorry to cause + you pain,” she added, “but there was nothing else that I could do.” + </p> + <p> + “At least,” the other responded, “I hope that you will not refuse to + explain to me why this step is necessary?” + </p> + <p> + “No, Mr. Harrison,” said Helen, “it is right that I should tell you all, + no matter how hard it is to me to do it. It is all because of a great + wrong that I have done; I know that when I have told you, you will think + very badly of me indeed, but I have no right to do anything except to + speak the truth.” + </p> + <p> + She said that in a very low voice, not allowing her eyes to drop, and + wearing upon her face the look of sadness which seemed now to belong to it + always. Mr. Harrison gazed at her anxiously, and said: “You seem to have + been ill, Helen.” + </p> + <p> + “I have been very unhappy, Mr. Harrison,” she answered, “and I do not + believe I can ever be otherwise again. Did you not notice that I was + unhappy?” + </p> + <p> + “I never thought of it until yesterday,” the other replied. + </p> + <p> + “Until the drive,” said Helen; “that was the climax of it. I must tell you + the reason why I was so frightened then,—that I have a friend who + was as dear to me as if he were my brother, and he loved me very much, + very much more than I deserve to be loved by anyone; and when I was + engaged to you he was very ill, and because I knew I was doing so wrong I + did not dare to go and see him. That was why I was afraid to pass through + Hilltown. The reason I was so frightened afterwards is that I caught a + glimpse of him, and he was in such a dreadful way. This morning I found + that he had left his home and gone away, no one knows where, so that I + fear I shall never see him again.” + </p> + <p> + Helen paused, and the other, who had sat down and was leaning forward + anxiously, asked her, “Then it is this friend that you love?” + </p> + <p> + “No,” the girl replied, “it is not that; I do not love anybody.” + </p> + <p> + “But then I do not understand,” went on Mr. Harrison, with a puzzled look. + “You spoke of its having been so wrong; was it not your right to wish to + marry me?” + </p> + <p> + And Helen, punishing herself as she had learned so bravely to do, did not + lower her eyes even then; she flushed somewhat, however, as she answered: + “Mr. Harrison, do you know WHY I wished to marry you?” + </p> + <p> + The other started a trifle, and looked very much at a loss indeed. “Why?” + he echoed. “No, I do not know—that is—I never thought—” + </p> + <p> + “It hurts me more than I can tell you to have to say this to you,” Helen + said, “for you were right and true in your feeling. But did you think that + I was that, Mr. Harrison? Did you think that I really loved you?” + </p> + <p> + Probably the good man had never been more embarrassed in his life than he + was just then. The truth to be told, he was perfectly well aware why Helen + had wished to marry him, and had been all along, without seeing anything + in that for which to dislike her; he was quite without an answer to her + present question, and could only cough and stammer, and reach for his + handkerchief. The girl went on quickly, without waiting very long for his + reply. + </p> + <p> + “I owe it to you to tell you the truth,” she said, “and then it will no + longer cause you pain to give me up. For I did not love you at all, Mr. + Harrison; but I loved all that you offered me, and I allowed myself to be + tempted thus, to promise to marry you. Ever afterwards I was quite + wretched, because I knew that I was doing something wicked, and yet I + never had the courage to stop. So it went on until my punishment came + yesterday. I have suffered fearfully since that.” + </p> + <p> + Helen had said all that there was to be said, and she stopped and took a + deep breath of relief. There was a minute or two of silence, after which + Mr. Harrison asked: “And you really think that it was so wrong to promise + to marry me for the happiness that I could offer you?” + </p> + <p> + Helen gazed at him in surprise as she echoed, “Was it so wrong?” And at + the same moment even while she was speaking, a memory flashed across her + mind, the memory of what had occurred at Fairview the last time she had + been there with Mr. Harrison. A deep, burning blush mantled her face, and + her eyes dropped, and she trembled visibly. It was a better response to + the other's question than any words could have been, and because in spite + of his contact with the world he was still in his heart a gentleman, he + understood and changed color himself and looked away, feeling perhaps more + rebuked and humbled than he had ever felt in his life before. + </p> + <p> + So they sat thus for several minutes without speaking a word, or looking + at each other, each doing penance in his own heart. At last, in a very low + voice, the man said, “Helen, I do not know just how I can ever apologize + to you.” + </p> + <p> + The girl answered quietly: “I could not let you apologize to me, Mr. + Harrison, for I never once thought that you had done anything wrong.” + </p> + <p> + “I have done very wrong indeed,” he answered, his voice trembling, “for I + do not think that I had any right even to ask you to marry me. You make me + feel suddenly how very coarse a world I have lived in, and how much lower + than yours all my ways of thinking are. You look surprised that I say + that,” he added, as he saw that the girl was about to interrupt him, “but + you do not know much about the world. Do you suppose that there are many + women in society who would hesitate to marry me for my money?” + </p> + <p> + “I do not know,” said Helen, slowly; “but, Mr. Harrison, you could + certainly never be happy with a woman who would do that.” + </p> + <p> + “I do not think now that I should,” the man replied, earnestly, “but I did + not feel that way before. I did not have much else to offer, Helen, for + money is all that a man like me ever tries to get in the world.” + </p> + <p> + “It is so very wrong, Mr. Harrison,” put in the other, quickly. “When + people live in that way they come to lose sight of all that is right and + beautiful in life; and it is all so selfish and wicked!” (Those were words + which might have made Mr. Howard smile a trifle had he been there to hear + them; but Helen was too much in earnest to think about being original.) + </p> + <p> + “I know,” said Mr. Harrison, “and I used to believe in such things; but + one never meets anyone else that does, and it is so easy to live + differently. When you spoke to me as you did just now, you made me seem a + very poor kind of a person indeed.” + </p> + <p> + The man paused, and Helen sat gazing at him with a worried look upon her + face. “It was not that which I meant to do,” she began, but then she + stopped; and after a long silence, Mr. Harrison took up the conversation + again, speaking in a low, earnest voice. + </p> + <p> + “Helen,” he said, “you have made me see that I am quite unworthy to ask + for your regard,—that I have really nothing fit to offer you. But I + might have one thing that you could appreciate,—for I could worship, + really worship, such a woman as you; and I could do everything that I + could think of to make myself worthy of you,—even if it meant the + changing of all my ways of life. Do you not suppose that you could quite + forget that I was a rich man, Helen, and still let me be devoted to you?” + </p> + <p> + There was a look in Mr. Harrison's eyes as he gazed at her just then which + made him seem to her a different sort of a man,—as indeed he was. + She answered very gently. “Mr. Harrison,” she said, “it would be a great + happiness to me to know that anyone felt so about me. But I could never + marry you; I do not love you.” + </p> + <p> + “And you do not think,” asked the other, “that you could ever come to love + me, no matter how long I might wait?” + </p> + <p> + “I do not think so,” Helen said in a low voice. “I wish that you would not + ever think of me so.” + </p> + <p> + “It is very easy to say that,” the man answered, pleadingly, “but how am I + to do it? For everything that I have seems cheap compared with the thought + of you. Why should I go on with the life I have been leading, heaping up + wealth that I do not know how to use, and that makes me no better and no + happier? I thought of you as a new motive for going on, Helen, and you + must know that a man cannot so easily change his feelings. For I really + loved you, and I do love you still, and I think that I always must love + you.” + </p> + <p> + Helen's own suffering had made her alive to other people's feelings, and + the tone of voice in which he spoke those words moved her very much. She + leaned over and laid her hand upon his,—something which she would + not have thought she could ever do. + </p> + <p> + “Mr. Harrison,” she said, “I cannot tell you how much it hurts me to have + you speak to me so, for it makes me see more than ever how cruelly + unfeeling I have been, and how much I have wronged you. It was for that I + wished to beg you to forgive me, to forgive me just out of the goodness of + your heart, for I cannot offer any excuse for what I did. It makes me + quite wretched to have to say that, and to know that others are suffering + because of my selfishness; if I had any thought of the sacredness of the + beauty God has given me, I would never have let you think of me as you + did, and caused you the pain that I have. But you must forgive me, Mr. + Harrison, and help me, for to think of your being unhappy about me also + would be really more than I could bear. Sometimes when I think of the one + great sorrow that I have already upon my conscience, I feel that I do not + know what I am to do; and you must go away and forget about me, for my + sake if not for your own. I really cannot love anyone; I do not think that + I am fit to love anyone; I only do not want to make anyone else unhappy.” + </p> + <p> + And Helen stopped again, and pressed her hand upon Mr. Harrison's + imploringly. He sat gazing at her in silence for a minute, and then he + said, slowly: “When you put it so, it is very hard for me to say anything + more. If you are only sure that that is your final word—that there + is really no chance that you could ever love me,—” + </p> + <p> + “I am perfectly sure of it,” the girl answered; “and because I know how + cruel it sounds, it is harder for me to say than for you to hear. But it + is really the truth, Mr. Harrison. I do not think that you ought to see me + again until you are sure that it will not make you unhappy.” + </p> + <p> + The man sat for a moment after that, with his head bowed, and then he bit + his lip very hard and rose from his chair. “You can never know,” he said, + “how lonely it makes a man feel to hear words like those.” But he took + Helen's hand in his and held it for an instant, and then added: “I shall + do as you ask me. Good-by.” And he let her hand fall and went to the door. + There he stopped to gaze once again for a moment, and then turned and + disappeared, closing the door behind him. + </p> + <p> + Helen was left seated in the chair, where she remained for several + minutes, leaning forward with her head in her hands, and gazing steadily + in front of her, thinking very grave thoughts. She rose at last, however, + and brushed back the hair from her forehead, and went slowly towards the + door. It would have seemed lack of feeling to her, had she thought of it, + but even before she had reached the stairs the scene through which she had + just passed was gone from her mind entirely, and she was saying to + herself, “If I could only know where Arthur is this afternoon!” + </p> + <p> + Her mind was still full of that thought when she entered the room, where + she found her aunt seated just as she had left her, and in no more + pleasant humor than before. + </p> + <p> + “You have told him, I suppose?” she inquired. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” Helen said, “I have told him, Aunt Polly.” + </p> + <p> + “And now you are happy, I suppose!” + </p> + <p> + “No, indeed, I am very far from that,” said Helen, and she went to the + window; she stood there, gazing out, but with her thoughts equally far + away from the scene outside as from Mrs. Roberts' warnings and sarcasms. + The latter had gone on for several minutes before her niece turned + suddenly. “Excuse me for interrupting you, Aunt Polly,” she said; “but I + want to know whether Mr. Howard has gone yet.” + </p> + <p> + “His train goes in an hour or so,” said Mrs. Roberts, not very graciously. + </p> + <p> + “I think I will see if he is downstairs,” Helen responded; “I wish to + speak to him before he goes.” And so she descended and found Mr. Howard + seated alone upon the piazza. + </p> + <p> + Taking a seat beside him, she said, “I did not thank you when I left you + in the carriage, Mr. Howard, for having been so kind to me; but I was so + wrapped up in my worry—” + </p> + <p> + “I understood perfectly,” put in the other. “I saw that you felt too + keenly about your discovery to have anything to say to me.” + </p> + <p> + “I feel no less keenly about it now,” said Helen; “but I could not let you + go away until I had spoken to you.” She gazed very earnestly at him as she + continued: “I have to tell you how much you have done for me, and how I + thank you for it from the bottom of my heart. I simply cannot say how much + all that you have shown me has meant to me; I should have cared for + nothing but to have you tell me what it would be right for me to do with + my life,—if only it had not been for this dreadful misfortune of + Arthur's, which makes it seem as if it would be wicked for me to think + about anything.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Howard sat gazing in front of him for a moment, and then he said + gently, “What if the change that you speak of were to be accomplished, + Miss Davis, without your ever thinking about it? For what is it that makes + the difference between being thoughtless and selfish, and being noble and + good, if it be not simply to walk reverently in God's great temple of + life, and to think with sorrow of one's own self? Believe me, my dear + friend, the best men that have lived on earth have seen no more cause to + be pleased with themselves than you.” + </p> + <p> + “That may be true, Mr. Howard,” said Helen, sadly, “but it can do me no + good to know it. It does not make what happens to Arthur a bit less + dreadful to think of.” + </p> + <p> + “It is the most painful fact about all our wrong,” the other answered, + “that no amount of repentance can ever alter the consequences. But, Miss + Davis, that is a guilt which all creation carries on its shoulders; it is + what is symbolized in the Fall of Man—that he has to realize that he + might have had infinite beauty and joy for his portion, if only the soul + within him had never weakened and failed. Let me tell you that he is a + lucky man who can look back at all his life and see no more shameful guilt + than yours, and no consequence worse than yours can be.” As Mr. Howard + spoke he saw a startled look cross the girl's face, and he added, “Do not + suppose that I am saying that to comfort you, for it is really the truth. + It oftens happens too, that the natures that are strongest and most ardent + in their search for righteousness have the worst sins to remember.” + </p> + <p> + Helen did not answer for several moments, for the thought was strange to + her; then suddenly she gazed at the other very earnestly and said: “Mr. + Howard, you are a man who lives for what is beautiful and high,—suppose + that YOU had to carry all through your life the burden of such guilt as + mine?” + </p> + <p> + The man's voice was trembling slightly as he answered her: “It is not hard + for me to suppose that, Miss Davis; I HAVE such a burden to carry.” As he + raised his eyes he saw a still more wondering look upon her countenance. + </p> + <p> + “But the consequences!” she exclaimed. “Surely, Mr. Howard, you could not + bear to live if you knew—” + </p> + <p> + “I have never known the consequences,” said the man, as she stopped + abruptly; “just as you may never know them; but this I know, that yours + could not be so dreadful as mine must be. I know also that I am far more + to blame for them than you.” + </p> + <p> + Helen could not have told what caused the emotion which made her shudder + so just then as she gazed into Mr. Howard's dark eyes. Her voice was + almost a whisper as she said, “And yet you are GOOD!” + </p> + <p> + “I am good,” said the man gently, “with all the goodness that any man can + claim, the goodness of trying to be better. You may be that also.” + </p> + <p> + Helen sat for a long time in silence after that, wondering at what was + passing in her own mind; it was as if she had caught a sudden glimpse into + a great vista of life. She had always before thought of this man's + suffering as having been physical; and the deep movement of sympathy and + awe which stirred her now was one step farther from her own + self-absorption, and one step nearer to the suffering that is the heart of + things. + </p> + <p> + But Helen had to keep that thought and dwell upon it in solitude; there + was no chance for her to talk with Mr. Howard any more, for she heard her + aunt's step in the hall behind her. She had only time to say, “I am going + home myself this afternoon; will you come there to see me, Mr. Howard? I + cannot tell you how much pleasure it would give me.” + </p> + <p> + “There is nothing I should like to do more,” the man answered; “I hope to + keep your friendship. When would you like me to come?” + </p> + <p> + “Any time that you can,” replied Helen. “Come soon, for I know how unhappy + I shall be.” + </p> + <p> + That was practically the last word she said to Mr. Howard, for her aunt + joined them, and after that the conversation was formal. It was not very + long before the carriage came for him, and Helen pressed his hand + gratefully at parting, and stood leaning against a pillar of the porch, + shading her eyes from the sun while she watched the carriage depart. Then + she sat down to wait for it to return from the depot for her, which it did + before long; and so she bid farewell to her aunt. + </p> + <p> + It was a great relief to Helen; and while we know not what emotions it may + cause to the reader, it is perhaps well to say that he may likewise pay + his last respects to the worthy matron, who will not take part in the + humble events of which the rest of our story must be composed. + </p> + <p> + For Helen was going home, home to the poor little parsonage of Oakdale! + She was going with a feeling of relief in her heart second only to her + sorow; the more she had come to feel how shallow and false was the + splendor that had allured her, the more she had found herself drawn to her + old home, with its memories that were so dear and so beautiful. She felt + that there she might at least think of Arthur all that she chose, and meet + with nothing to affront her grief; and also she found herself thinking of + her father's love with a new kind of hunger. + </p> + <p> + When she arrived, she found Mr. Davis waiting for her with a very anxious + look upon his countenance; he had stopped at Hilltown on his way, and + learned about Arthur's disappearance, and then heard from Elizabeth what + she knew about Helen's engagement. The girl flung herself into his arms, + and afterwards, quite overcome by the emotions that surged up within her, + sank down upon her knees before him and sobbed out the whole story, her + heart bursting with sorrow and contrition; as he lifted her up and kissed + her and whispered his beautiful words of pardon and comfort, Helen found + it a real homecoming indeed. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis was also able to calm her worry a little by telling her that he + did not think it possible that Arthur would keep his whereabouts secret + from him very long. “When I find him, dear child,” he said, “it will all + be well again, for we will believe in love, you and I, and not care what + the great world says about it. I think I could be well content that you + should marry our dear Arthur.” + </p> + <p> + “But, father, I do not love him,” put in Helen faintly. + </p> + <p> + “That may come in time,” said the other, kissing her tenderly, and + smiling. “There is no need to talk of it, for you are too young to marry, + anyway. And in the meantime we must find him.” + </p> + <p> + There was a long silence after that. Helen sat down on the sofa beside her + father and put her arms about him and leaned her head upon his bosom, + drinking in deep drafts of his pardon and love. She told him about Mr. + Howard, and of the words of counsel which he had given her, and how he was + coming to see her again. Afterwards the conversation came back to Arthur + and his love for Helen, and then Mr. Davis went on to add something that + caused Helen to open her eyes very wide and gaze at him in wonder. + </p> + <p> + “There is still another reason for wishing to find him soon,” he said, + “for something else has happened to-day that he ought to know about.” + </p> + <p> + “What is it?” asked Helen. + </p> + <p> + “I don't know that I ought to tell you about it just now,” said the other, + “for it is a very sad story. But someone was here to see Arthur this + morning—someone whom I never expected to see again in all my life.” + </p> + <p> + “To see Arthur?” echoed the girl in perplexity. “Who could want to see + Arthur?” As her father went on she gave a great start. + </p> + <p> + “It was his mother,” said Mr. Davis. + </p> + <p> + And Helen stared at him, gasping for breath as she echoed the words, “His + mother!” + </p> + <p> + “You may well be astonished,” said the clergyman. “But the woman proved + beyond doubt that she was really the person who left Arthur with me.” + </p> + <p> + “You did not recognize her?” + </p> + <p> + “No, Helen; for it has been twenty-one or two years since I saw her, and + she has changed very much since then. But she told me that in all that + time she has never once lost sight of her boy, and has been watching all + that he did.” + </p> + <p> + “Where has she been?” + </p> + <p> + “She did not tell me,” the other answered, “but I fancy in New York. The + poor woman has lived a very dreadful life, a life of such wretched + wickedness that we cannot even talk about it; I think I never heard of + more cruel suffering. I was glad that you were not here to see her, or + know about it until after she was gone; she said that she had come to see + Arthur once, because she was going away to die.” + </p> + <p> + “To die!” exclaimed the girl, in horror. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Mr. Davis, “to die; she looked as if she could not live many + days longer. I begged her to let me see that she was provided for, but she + said that she was going to find her way back to her old home, somewhere + far off in the country, and she would hear of nothing else. She would not + tell the name of the place, nor her own name, but she left a letter for + Arthur, and begged me to find him and give it to him, so that he might + come and speak to her once if he cared to do so. She begged me to forgive + her for the trouble she had caused me, and to pray that God would forgive + her too; and then she bade me farewell and dragged herself away.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Davis stopped, and Helen sat for a long time staring ahead of her, + with a very frightened look in her eyes, and thinking, “Oh, we MUST find + Arthur!” Then she turned to her father, her lips trembling and her + countenance very pale. “Tell me,” she said, in a low, awe-stricken voice, + “a long time ago someone must have wronged that woman.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, dear,” said Mr. Davis, “when she was not even as old as you are. And + the man who wronged her was worth millions of dollars, Helen, and could + have saved her from all her suffering with a few of them if he cared to. + No one but God knows his name, for the woman would not tell it.” + </p> + <p> + Helen sat for a moment or two staring at him wildly; and then suddenly she + buried her head in his bosom and burst into tears, sobbing so cruelly that + her father was sorry he had told her what he had. He knew why that story + moved her so, and it wrung his heart to think of it,—that this child + of his had put upon her own shoulders some of that burden of the guilt of + things, and must suffer beneath it, perhaps for the rest of her days. + </p> + <p> + When Helen gazed up at him again there was the old frightened look upon + her face, and all his attempts to comfort her were useless. “No, no!” she + whispered. “No, father! I cannot even think of peace again, until we have + found Arthur!” + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Freundliches Voglein! +</pre> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0012" id="link2HCH0012"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER XII. + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “A fugitive and gracious light he seeks, + Shy to illumine; and I seek it too. + This does not come with houses or with gold, + With place, with honor, and a flattering crew; + 'Tis not in the world's market bought and sold.” + </pre> + <p> + Three days passed by after Helen had returned to her father, during which + the girl stayed by herself most of the time. When the breaking off of her + engagement was known, many of her old friends came to see her, but the + hints that they dropped did not move her to any confidences; she felt that + it would not be possible for her to find among them any understanding of + her present moods. Her old life, or rather the life to which she had been + looking forward, seemed to her quite empty and shallow, and there was + nothing useful that she knew of to do except to offer to help her father + in such ways as she could. She drew back into her own heart, giving most + of her time to thinking about Mr. Howard and Arthur, and no one but her + father knew why it was that she was so subdued and silent. + </p> + <p> + It was only on the third morning, when there came a letter from Mr. Howard + saying that he was coming out that afternoon to see her, that Helen seemed + to be interested and stirred again. She went to the window more than once + to look for him; and when at last her friend had arrived, and the two were + seated in the parlor, she said to him without waiting for any + circumstance, “I have been wishing very much to see you, Mr. Howard, + because there is something I am anxious to talk to you about, if you will + let me.” + </p> + <p> + “I am sorry to say that it is about myself,” she went on, when the other + had expressed his willingness to hear her, “for I want to ask you to help + me, and to give me some advice. I ought to have asked you the questions I + am going to before this, but the last time I saw you I could think about + nothing but Arthur. They only came to me after you had gone.” + </p> + <p> + “What are they?” asked the man. + </p> + <p> + “You must knew, Mr. Howard,” said Helen, “that it is you who have shown me + the wrongness of all that I was doing in my life, and stirred me with a + desire to do better. I find now that such thoughts have always been so far + from me that the wish to be right is all that I have, and I do not know at + all what to do. It seemed to me that I would rather talk to you about it + than to anyone, even my own father. I do not know whether that is just + right, but you do not mind my asking you, do you?” + </p> + <p> + “It is my wish to help you in every way that I can,” was the gentle + response. + </p> + <p> + “I will tell you what I have been thinking,” said Helen. “I have been so + unhappy in the last three days that I have done nothing at all; but it + seemed to me somehow that it must be wrong of me to let go of myself in + that way—as if I had no right to pamper myself and indulge my own + feelings. It was not that I wished to forget what wrong things I have + done, or keep from suffering because of them; yet it seemed to me that the + fact that I was wretched and frightened was no excuse for my doing no good + for the rest of my life. When I have thought about my duty before, it has + always been my school-girl's task of studying and practicing music, but + that is not at all what I want now, for I cannot bear to think of such + things while the memory of Arthur is in my mind. I need something that is + not for myself, Mr. Howard, and I find myself thinking that it should be + something that I do not like to do.” + </p> + <p> + Helen paused for a moment, gazing at the other anxiously; and then she + went on: “You must know that what is really behind what I am saying is + what you said that evening in the arbor, about the kind of woman I ought + to be because God has made me beautiful. My heart is full of a great + hunger to be set right, and to get a clearer sight of the things that are + truly good in life. I want you to talk to me about your own ideals, and + what you do to keep your life deep and true; and then to tell me what you + would do in my place. I promise you that no matter how hard it may be I + shall feel that just what you tell me to do is my duty, and at least I + shall never be happy again until I have done it. Do you understand how I + feel, Mr. Howard?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” the man answered, in a quiet voice, “I understand you perfectly.” + And then as he paused, watching the girl from beneath his dark brows, + Helen asked, “You do not mind talking to me about yourself?” + </p> + <p> + “When a man lives all alone and as self-centered as I,” the other replied, + smiling, “it is fatally easy for him to do that; he may blend himself with + his ideals in such a curious way that he never talks about anything else. + But if you will excuse that, I will tell you what I can.” + </p> + <p> + “Tell me why it is that you live so much alone,” said the girl. “Is it + that you do not care for friends?” + </p> + <p> + “It is very difficult for a man who feels about life as I do to find many + friends,” he responded. “If one strives to dwell in deep things, and is + very keen and earnest about it, he is apt to find very little to help him + outside of himself; perhaps it is because I have met very few persons in + my life, but it has not happened to me to find anyone who thinks about it + as I do, or who cares to live it with my strenuousness. I have met + musicians, some who labored very hard at their art, but none who felt it a + duty to labor with their own souls, to make them beautiful and strong; and + I have met literary men and scholars, but they were all interested in + books, and were willing to be learned, and to classify and plod; I have + never found one who was swift and eager, and full of high impatience for + what is real and the best. There should come times to a man, I think, when + he feels that books are an impertinence, when he knows that he has only + the long-delayed battle with his own heart to fight, and the prize of its + joy to win. When such moods come upon him he sees that he has to live his + life upon his knees, and it is rarely indeed that he knows of anyone who + can follow him and share in his labor. So it is that I have had to live + all my life by myself, Miss Davis.” + </p> + <p> + “You have always done that?” Helen asked, as he stopped. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” he answered, “or for very many years. I have a little house on the + wildest of lakes up in the mountains, wyhere I play the hermit in the + summer, and where I should have been now if it had not been that I yielded + to your aunt's invitation. When I spoke of having no friends I forgot the + things of Nature, which really do sympathize with an artist's life; I find + that they never fail to become full of meaning whenever my own spirit + shakes off its bonds. It has always been a belief of mine that there is + nothing that Nature makes that is quite so dull and unfeeling as man,—with + the exception of children and lovers, I had much rather play my violin for + the flowers and the trees.” + </p> + <p> + “You like to play it out of doors?” Helen asked, with a sudden smile. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” laughed the other, “that is one of my privileges as a hermit. It + seems quite natural to the wild things, for they have all a music of their + own, a wonderful, silent music that the best musicians cannot catch; do + you not believe that, Miss Davis?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” Helen said, and sat gazing at her companion silently for a minute. + “I should think a life of such effort would be very hard,” she said + finally. “Do you not ever fail?” + </p> + <p> + “I do not do much else,” he replied with a sad smile, “and get up and + stumble on. The mastership of one's heart is the ideal, you know; and + after all one's own life cannot be anything but struggle and failure, for + the power he is trying to conquer is infinite. When I find my life very + hard I do not complain, but know that the reason for it is that I have + chosen to have it real, and that the essence of the soul is its effort. I + think that is a very important thing to feel about life, Miss Davis.” + </p> + <p> + “That is why I do not wish to be idle,” said Helen. + </p> + <p> + “It is just because people do not know this fact about the soul,” the + other continued, “and are not willing to dare and suffer, and overcome + dullness, and keep their spiritual faculties free, that they sink down as + they grow older, and become what they call practical, and talk very wisely + about experience. It is only when God sends into the world a man of genius + that no mountains of earth can crush, and who keeps his faith and + sweetness all through his life that we learn the baseness of the thought + that experience necessarily brings cynicism and selfishness. There is to + me in all this world nothing more hateful than this disillusioned + worldliness, and nothing makes me angrier than to see it taking the name + of wisdom. If I were a man with an art, there is nothing, I think, that I + should feel more called to make war upon; it is a very blow in the face of + God. Nothing makes me sadder than to see the life that such people live,—to + see for instance how pathetic are the things they call their + entertainments; and when one knows himself that life is a magic potion, to + be drank with rapture and awe,—that every instance of it ought to be + a hymn of rejoicing, and the whole of it rich and full of power, like some + majestic symphony. I often find myself wishing that there were some way of + saving the time that people spend in their pleasures; + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “'Life piled on life + Were all too little, and of one to me + Little remains.' +</pre> + <p> + As I kneel before God's altar of the heart I know that if I had infinite + time and infinite energy there would be beauty and joy still to seek, and + so as I look about me in the world and see all the sin and misery that is + in it, it is my comfort to know that the reason for it is that men are + still living the lives of the animals, and have not even dreamed of the + life that belongs to them as men. That is something about which I feel + very strongly myself,—that is part of my duty as a man who seeks + worship and rightness to mark that difference in my own life quite + plainly.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Howard paused for a moment, and Helen said very earnestly, “I wish + that you would tell me about that.” + </p> + <p> + “I consider it my duty,” the other replied, “to keep all the external + circumstances of my life as simple and as humble as I should have to if I + were quite poor. If I were not physically unable, I should feel that I + ought to do for my own self all that I needed to have done, for I think + that if it is necessary that others should be degraded to menial service + in order that my soul might be beautiful and true, then life is bad at the + heart of it, and I want none of its truth and beauty. I do not have to + look into my heart very long, Miss Davis, to discover that what I am + seeking in life is something that no millions of money can buy me; and + when I am face to face with the sternness of what I call that spiritual + fact, I see that fine houses and all the rest are a foolish kind of toy, + and wonder that any man should think that he can please me by giving the + labor of his soul to making them. It is much the same thing as I feel, for + instance, when I go to hear a master of music, and find that he has spent + his hours in torturing himself and his fingers in order to give me an + acrobatic exhibition, when all the time what I wish him to do, and what + his genius gave him power to do, was to find the magic word that should + set free the slumbering demon of my soul. So I think that a man who wishes + to grow by sympathy and worship should do without wealth, if only because + it is so trivial; but of course I have left unmentioned what is the great + reason for a self-denying life, the reason that lies at the heart of the + matter, and that includes all the others in it,—that he who lives by + prayer and joy makes all men richer, but he who takes more than his bare + necessity of the wealth of the body must know that he robs his brother + when he does it. The things of the soul are everywhere, but wealth stands + for the toil and suffering of human beings, and thousands must starve and + die so that one rich man may live at ease. That is no fine rhetoric that I + am indulging in, but a very deep and earnest conviction of my soul; first + of all facts of morality stands the law that the life of man is labor, and + that he who chooses to live otherwise is a dastard. He may chase the + phantom of happiness all his days and not find it, and yet never guess the + reason,—that joy is a melody of the heart, and that he is playing + upon an instrument that is out of tune. Few people choose to think of that + at all, but I cannot afford ever to forget it, for my task is to live the + artist's life, to dwell close to the heart of things; it is something that + I simply cannot understand how any man who pretends to do that can know of + the suffering and starving that is in the world, and can feel that he who + has God's temple of the soul for his dwelling, has right to more of the + pleasures of earth than the plainest food and shelter and what tools of + his art he requires. If it is otherwise it can only be because he is no + artist at all, no lover of life, but only a tradesman under another name, + using God's high gift to get for himself what he can, and thinking of his + sympathy and feeling as things that he puts on when he goes to work, and + when he is sure that they will cost him no trouble.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Howard had been speaking very slowly, and in a deep and earnest voice; + he paused for a moment, and then added with a slight smile, “I have been + answering your question without thinking about it, Miss Davis, for I have + told you all that there is to tell about my life.” + </p> + <p> + Helen did not answer, but sat for a long time gazing at him and thinking + very deeply; then she said to him, her voice shaking slightly: “You have + answered only half of my question, Mr. Howard; I want you to tell me what + a woman can do to bring those high things into her life—to keep her + soul humble and strong. I do not think that I have your courage and + self-reliance.” + </p> + <p> + The man's voice dropped lower as he answered her, “Suppose that you were + to find this friend of yours that knows you so well, and loves you so + truly; do you not think that there might be a chance for you to win this + prize of life that I speak of?” Helen did not reply, but sat with her eyes + still fixed upon the other's countenance; as he went on, his deep, musical + voice held them there by a spell. + </p> + <p> + “Miss Davis,” he said, “a man does not live very long in the kingdom of + the soul before there comes to be one thing that he loves more than + anything else that life can offer; that thing is love. For love is the + great gateway into the spiritual life, the stage of life's journey when + human beings are unselfish and true to their hearts, if ever the power of + unselfishness and truth lies in them. As for man, he has many battles to + fight and much of himself to kill before the great prizes of the soul can + be his—but the true woman has but one glory and one duty in life, + and sacredness and beauty are hers by the free gift of God. If she be a + true woman, when her one great passion takes its hold upon her it carries + all her being with it, and she gives herself and all that she has. Because + I believe in unselfishness and know that love is the essence of things, I + find in all the world nothing more beautiful than that, and think that she + has no other task in life, except to see that the self which she gives is + her best and Inghest, and to hold to the thought of the sacredness of what + she is doing. For love is the soul's great act of worship, and the heart's + great awakening to life. If the man be selfish and a seeker of pleasure, + what I say of love and woman is not for him; but if he be one who seeks to + worship, to rouse the soul within him to its vision of the beauty and + preciousness of life, then he must know that this is the great chance that + Nature gives him, that no effort of his own will ever carry him so far + towards what he seeks. The woman who gives herself to him he takes for his + own with awe and trembling, knowing that the glory which he reads in her + eyes is the very presence of the spirit of life; and because she stands + for this precious thing to him he seeks her love more than anything else + upon earth, feeling that if he has it he has everything, and if he has it + not, he has nothing. He cherishes the woman as before he cherished what + was best in his own soul; he chooses all fair and noble actions that may + bring him still more of her love; all else that life has for him he lays + as an offering at the shrine of her heart, all his joy and all his care, + and asks but love in return; and because the giving of love is the woman's + joy and the perfectness of her sacrifice, her glory, they come to forget + themselves in each other's being, and to live their lives in each other's + hearts. The joy that each cares for is no longer his own joy, but the + other's; and so they come to stand for the sacredness of God to each + other, and for perpetual inspiration. By and by, perhaps, from long + dwelling out of themselves and feeding their hearts upon things spiritual, + they learn the deep and mystic religion of love, that is the last lesson + life has to teach; it is given to no man to know what is the source of + this mysterious being of ours, but men who come near to it find it so + glorious that they die for it in joy; and the least glimpse of it gives a + man quite a new feeling about a human heart. So at last it happens that + the lovers read a fearful wonder in each other's eyes, and give each other + royal greeting, no longer for what they are, but for that which they would + like to be. They come to worship together as they could never have + worshiped apart; and always that which they worship and that in which they + dwell, is what all existence is seeking with so much pain, the sacred + presence of wonder that some call Truth, and some Beauty,—but all + Love. When you ask me how unselfishness is to be made yours in life, that + is the answer which I give you.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Howard's voice had dropped very low; as he stopped Helen was trembling + within herself. She was drinking still more from the bottomless cup of her + humiliation and remorse, for she was still haunted by the specter of what + she had done. The man went on after an interval of silence. + </p> + <p> + “I think there is no one,” he said, “whom these things touch more than the + man who would live the life of art that I have talked of before; for the + artist seeks experience above all things, seeks it not only for himself + but for his race. And it must come from his own heart; no one can drive + him to his task. All artists tell that the great source of their power is + love; and the wisest of them makes of his love an art-work, as he makes an + art-work of his life. He counts his power of loving most sacred of all his + powers, and guards it from harm as he guards his life itself; he gives all + his soul to the dreaming of that dream, and lays all his prayer before it; + and when he meets with the maiden who will honor such effort, he forgets + everything else in his life, and gives her all his heart, and studies to + 'worship her by years of noble deeds.' For a woman who loves love, the + heart of such a man is a lifetime's treasure; for his passion is of the + soul, and does not die; and all that he has done has been really but a + training of himself for that great consecration. If he be a true artist, + all his days have been spent in learning to wrestle with himself, to rouse + himself and master his own heart; until at last his very being has become + a prayer, and his soul like a great storm of wind that sweeps everything + away in its arms. Perhaps that hunger has possessed him so that he never + even wakens in the dead of night without finding it with him in all its + strength; it rouses him in the morning with a song, and when midnight + comes and he is weary, it is a benediction and a hand upon his brow. All + the time, because he has a man's heart and knows of his life's great + glory, his longing turns to a dream of love, to a vision of the flying + perfect for which all his life is a search. There is a maiden who dwells + in all the music that he hears, and who calls to him in the sunrise, and + flings wide the flowers upon the meadows; she treads before him on the + moonlit waters and strews them with showers of fire. If his soul be only + strong enough, perhaps he waits long years for that perfect woman, that + woman who loves not herself, but loves love; and all the time the yearning + of his heart is growing, so that those who gaze at him wonder why his eyes + are dark and sunken. He knows that his heart is a treasure-house which he + himself cannot explore, and that in all the world he seeks nothing but + some woman before whom he might fling wide its doors.” + </p> + <p> + Helen had been leaning on the table, holding her hands in front of her; + towards the end they were trembling so much that she took them away and + clasped them in her lap. When he ceased her eyes were lowered; she could + not see how his were fixed upon her, but she knew that her bosom was + heaving painfully, and that there were hot tears upon her cheeks. He added + slowly: “I have told you all that I think about life, my dear friend, and + all that I think about love; so I think I have told you all that I know.” + And Helen lifted her eyes to his and gazed at him through her tears. + </p> + <p> + “You tell <i>me</i> of such things?” she asked. “You give such advice to + <i>me</i>!” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said the other, gently, “why not to you?” + </p> + <p> + “Mr. Howard,” Helen answered, “do you not know what I have done, and how I + must feel while I listen to you? It is good that I should hear such + things, because I ought to suffer; but when I asked you for your advice I + wished for something hard and stern to do, before I dared ever think of + love, or feel myself right again.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Howard sat watching her for a moment in silence, and then he answered + gently, “I do not think, my dear friend, that it is our duty as struggling + mortals to feel ourselves right at all; I am not even sure that we ought + to care about our rightness in the least. For God has put high and + beautiful things in the world, things that call for all our attention; and + I am sure that we are never so close to rightness as when we give all our + devotion to them and cease quite utterly to think about ourselves. And + besides that, the love that I speak of is not easy to give, Miss Davis. It + is easy to give up one's self in the first glow of feeling; but to forget + one's self entirely, and one's comfort and happiness in all the little + things of life; to consecrate one's self and all that one has to a + lifetime of patience and self-abnegation; and to seek no reward and ask + for no happiness but love,—do you not think that such things would + cost one pain and bring a good conscience at last?” + </p> + <p> + Helen's voice was very low as she answered, “Perhaps, at last.” Then she + sat very still, and finally raised her deep, earnest eyes and leaned + forward and gazed straight into her companion's. “Mr. Howard,” she said, + “you must know that YOU are my conscience; and it is the memory of your + words that causes me all my suffering. And now tell me one thing; suppose + I were to say to you that I could beg upon my knees for a chance to earn + such a life as that; and suppose I should ever come really to love + someone, and should give up everything to win such a treasure, do you + think that I could clear my soul from what I have done, and win rightness + for mine? Do you think that you—that YOU could ever forget that I + was the woman who had wished to sell her love for money?” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Howard answered softly, “Yes, I think so.” + </p> + <p> + “But are you sure of it?” Helen asked; and when she had received the same + reply she drew a long breath, and a wonderful expression of relief came + upon her face; all her being seemed to rise,—as if all in an instant + she had flung away the burden of shame and fear that had been crushing her + soul. She sat gazing at the other with a strange look in her eyes, and + then she sank down and buried her head in her arms upon the table. + </p> + <p> + And fully a minute passed thus without a sound. Helen was just lifting her + head again, and Mr. Howard was about to speak, when an unexpected + interruption caused him to stop. The front door was opened, and as Helen + turned with a start the servant came and stood in the doorway. + </p> + <p> + “What is it, Elizabeth?” Helen asked in a faint voice. + </p> + <p> + “I have just been to the post office,” the woman answered; “here is a + letter for you.” + </p> + <p> + “Very well,” Helen answered; “give it to me.” + </p> + <p> + And she took it and put it on the table in front of her. Then she waited + until the servant was gone, and in the meantime, half mechanically, turned + her eyes upon the envelope. Suddenly the man saw her give a violent start + and turn very pale; she snatched up the letter and sprang to her feet, and + stood supporting herself by the chair, her hand shaking, and her breath + coming in gasps. + </p> + <p> + “What is it?” Mr. Howard cried. + </p> + <p> + Helen's voice was hoarse and choking as she answered him: “It is from + Arthur!” As he started and half rose from his chair the girl tore open the + letter and unfolded the contents, glancing at it once very swiftly, her + eyes flying from line to line; the next instant she let it fall to the + floor with a cry and clutched with her hands at her bosom. She tried to + speak, but she was choking with her emotion; only her companion saw that + her face was transfigured with delight; and then suddenly she sank down + upon the sofa beside her, her form shaken with hysterical laughter and + sobbing. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Howard had risen from his chair in wonder; but before he could take a + step toward her he heard someone in the hall, and Mr. Davis rushed into + the room. “Helen, Helen!” he exclaimed, “what is the matter?” and sank + down upon his knees beside her; the girl raised her head and then flung + herself into his arms, exclaining incoherently: “Oh, Daddy, I am free! Oh, + oh—can you believe it—I am free!” + </p> + <p> + Long after her first ecstasy had passed Helen still lay with her head + buried in her father's bosom, trembling and weeping and repeating half as + if in a dream that last wonderful word, “Free!” Meanwhile Mr. Davis had + bent down and picked up the paper to glance over it. + </p> + <p> + Most certainly Arthur would have wondered had he seen the effect of that + letter upon Helen; for he wrote to her with bitter scorn, and told her + that he had torn his love for her from his heart, and made himself master + of his own life again. He bid her go on in the course she had chosen, for + a day or two had been enough for him to find the end of her power over + him, and of his care for her; and he added that he wrote to her only that + she might not please herself with the thought of having wrecked him, and + that he was going far away to begin his life again. + </p> + <p> + The words brought many emotions to Mr. Davis, and suggested many doubts; + but to Helen they brought but one thought. She still clung to her father, + sobbing like a child and muttering the one word “Free!” When at last the + fit had vented itself and she looked up again, she seemed to Mr. Howard + more like a girl than she ever had before; and she wiped away her tears + laughingly, and smoothed back her hair, and was wonderfully beautiful in + her emotion. She introduced Mr. Howard to her father, and begged him to + excuse her for her lack of self-control. “I could not help it,” she said, + “for oh, I am so happy—so happy!” And she leaned her head upon her + father's shoulder again and gazed up into his face. “Daddy dear,” she + said, “and are you not happy too?” + </p> + <p> + “My dear,” Mr Davis protested, “of course I am glad to hear that Arthur is + himself again. But that is not finding him, and I fear—” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, oh, please don't!” Helen cried, the frightened look coming back upon + her face in a flash. “Oh please do not tell me that—no, no! Do let + me be happy just a little while—think of it, how wretched I have + been! And now to know he is safe! Oh, please, Daddy!” And the tears had + welled up in Helen's eyes again. She turned quickly to Mr. Howard, her + voice trembling. “Tell me that I may be happy,” she exclaimed. “You know + all about it, Mr. Howard. Is it not right that I should be happy just a + little?” + </p> + <p> + As her friend answered her gently that he thought it was, she sat looking + at him for a moment, and then the cloud passed over. She brushed away her + tears, and put her arms about her father again. + </p> + <p> + “I cannot help it,” she went on, quickly, “I must be happy whether I want + to or not! You must not mind anything I do! For oh, think what it means to + have been so wretched, so crushed and so frightened! I thought that all my + life was to be like that, that I could never sing again, because Arthur + was ruined. Nobody will ever know how I felt,—how many tears I shed; + and now think what it means to be free—to be free,—oh, free! + And to be able to be good once more! I should go mad if I thought about + it!” + </p> + <p> + Helen had risen as she spoke, and she spread out her arms and flung back + her head and drank in a deep breath of joy. She began singing, half to + herself; and then as that brought a sudden idea into her mind she ran to + the window and shut it quickly. “I will sing you my hymn!” she laughed, “<i>that</i> + is the way to be happy!” + </p> + <p> + And she went to the piano; in a minute more she had begun the chorus she + had sung to Arthur, “Hail thee Joy, from Heaven descending!” The flood of + emotion that was pent up within her poured itself out in the wild torrent + of music, and Helen seemed happy enough to make up for all the weeks of + suffering. As she swept herself on she proved what she had said,—that + she would go mad if she thought much about her release; and Mr. Howard and + her father sat gazing at her in wonder. When she stopped she was quite + exhausted and quite dazed, and came and buried her head in her father's + arms, and sat waiting until the heaving of her bosom had subsided, and she + was calm once more,—in the meantime murmuring faintly to herself + again and again that she was happy and that she was free. + </p> + <p> + When she looked up and brushed away her tangled hair again, perhaps she + thought that her conduct was not very conventional, for she begged Mr. + Howard's pardon once more, promising to be more orderly by and by. Then + she added, laughing, “It is good that you should see me happy, though, + because I have always troubled you with my egotisms before.” She went on + talking merrily, until suddenly she sprang up and said, “I shall have to + sing again if I do not run away, so I am going upstairs to make myself + look respectable!” And with that she danced out of the room, waking the + echoes of the house with her caroling: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Merrily, merrily, shall I live now, + Under the blossom that hangs on the bough!” + + Lus-tig im Leid, sing'ich von Lieb-e! +</pre> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0013" id="link2HCH0013"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER XIII + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Some one whom I can court + With no great change of manner, + Still holding reason's fort, + Tho waving fancy's banner.” + </pre> + <p> + Several weeks had passed since Helen had received the letter from Arthur, + the girl having in the meantime settled quietly down at Oakdale She had + seen few of her friends excepting Mr. Howard, who had come out often from + the city. + </p> + <p> + She was expecting a visit from him one bright afternoon, and was standing + by one of the pillars of the vine-covered porch, gazing up at the blue sky + above her and waiting to hear the whistle of the train. When she saw her + friend from the distance she waved her hand to him and went to meet him, + laughing, “I am going to take you out to see my stream and my bobolink + to-day. You have not seen our country yet, you know.” + </p> + <p> + The girl seemed to Mr. Howard more beautiful that afternoon than he had + ever known her before, for she was dressed all in white and there was the + old spring in her step, and the old joy in her heart. When they had passed + out of the village, she found the sky so very blue, and the clouds so very + white, and the woods and meadows so very green, that she was radiantly + happy and feared that she would have to sing. And she laughed: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Away, away from men and towns, + To the wild wood and the downs!” + </pre> + <p> + And then interrupted herself to say, “You must not care, Mr. Howard, if I + chatter away and do all the talking. It has been a long time since I have + paid a visit to my friends out here, and they will all be here to welcome + me.” + </p> + <p> + Even as Helen spoke she looked up, and there was the bobolink flying over + her head and pouring out his song; also the merry breeze was dancing over + the meadows, and everything about her was in motion. + </p> + <p> + “Do you know,” she told her companion, “I think most of the happiness of + my life has been out in these fields; I don't know what made me so fond of + the country, but even when I was a very little thing, whenever I learned a + new song I would come out here and sing it. Those were times when I had + nothing to do but be happy, you know, and I never thought about anything + else. It has always been so easy for me to be happy, I don't know why. + There is a fountain of joy in my heart that wells up whether I want it to + or not, so that I can always be as merry as I choose. I am afraid that is + very selfish, isn't it, Mr. Howard? I am trying to be right now, you + know.” + </p> + <p> + “You may consider you are being merry for my sake at present,” said the + man with a laugh. “It is not always so easy for me to be joyful.” + </p> + <p> + “Very well, then,” smiled Helen; “I only wish that you had brought your + violin along. For you see I always think of these things of Nature with + music; when I was little they were all creatures that danced with me. + These winds that are so lively were funny little fairy-men, and you could + see all the flowers shake as they swept over them; whenever I heard any + music that was quick and bright I always used to fancy that some of them + had hold of my hands and were teaching me to run. I never thought about + asking why, but I used to find that very exciting. And then there was my + streamlet—he's just ahead here past the bushes—and I used to + like him best of all. For he was a very beautiful youth, with a crown of + flowers upon his head; there was a wonderful light in his eyes, and his + voice was very strong and clear, and his step very swift, so it was quite + wonderful when you danced with him. For he was the lord of all the rest, + and everything around you got into motion then; there was never any + stopping, for you know the streamlet always goes faster and faster, and + gets more and more joyous, until you cannot bear it any more and have to + give up. We shall have to play the Kreutzer Sonata some time, Mr. Howard.' + </p> + <p> + “I was thinking of that,” said the other, smiling. + </p> + <p> + “I think it would be interesting to know what people imagine when they + listen to music,” went on Helen. “I have all sorts of queer fancies for + myself; whenever it gets too exciting there is always one last resource, + you can fly away to the top of the nearest mountain. I don't know just why + that is, but perhaps it's because you can see so much from there, or + because there are so many winds; anyway, there is a dance—a + wonderfully thrilling thing, if only the composer knows how to manage it. + There is someone who dances with me—I never saw his face, but he's + always there; and everything around you is flying fast, and there comes + surge after surge of the music and sweeps you on,—perhaps some of + those wild runs on the violins that are just as if the wind took you up in + its arms and whirled you away in the air! That is a most tremendous + experience when it happens, because then you go quite beside yourself and + you see that all the world is alive and full of power; the great things of + the forest begin to stir too, the trees and the strange shapes in the + clouds, and all the world is suddenly gone mad with motion; and so by the + time you come to the last chords your hands are clenched and you can + hardly breathe, and you feel that all your soul is throbbing!” + </p> + <p> + Helen was getting quite excited then, just over her own enthusiasm; + perhaps it was because the wind was blowing about her. “Is that the way + music does with you?” she laughed, as she stopped. + </p> + <p> + “Sometimes,” said Mr. Howard, smiling in turn; “but then again while all + my soul is throbbing I feel my neighbor reaching to put on her wraps, and + that brings me down from the mountains so quickly that it is painful; + afterwards you go outside among the cabs and cable-cars, and make sad + discoveries about life.” + </p> + <p> + “You are a pessimist,” said the girl. + </p> + <p> + “Possibly,” responded the other, “but try to keep your fountain of joy a + while, Miss Davis. There are disagreeable things in life to be done, and + some suffering to be borne, and sometimes the fountain dries up very + quickly indeed.” + </p> + <p> + Helen was much more ready to look serious than she would have been a month + before; she asked in a different tone, “You think that must always + happen?” + </p> + <p> + “Not quite always,” was the reply; “there are a few who manage to keep it, + but it means a great deal of effort. Perhaps you never took your own + happiness so seriously,” he added with a smile. + </p> + <p> + “No,” said Helen, “I never made much effort that I know of.” + </p> + <p> + “Some day perhaps you will have to,” replied the other, “and then you will + think of the creatures of nature as I do, not simply as rejoicing, but as + fighting the same battle and daring the same pain as you.” + </p> + <p> + The girl thought for a moment, and then asked: “Do you really believe that + as a fact?” + </p> + <p> + “I believe something,” was the answer, “that makes me think when I go + among men and see their dullness, that Nature is flinging wide her glory + in helpless appeal to them; and that it is a dreadful accident that they + have no eyes and she no voice.” He paused for a moment and then added, + smiling, “It would take metaphysics to explain that; and meanwhile we were + talking about your precious fountain of joy.” + </p> + <p> + “I should think,” answered Helen, thoughtfully, “that it would be much + better to earn one's happiness.” + </p> + <p> + “Perhaps after you had tried it a while you would not think so,” replied + her companion; “that is the artist's life, you know, and in practice it is + generally a very dreadful life. Real effort is very hard to make; and + there is always a new possibility to lure the artist, so that his life is + always restless and a cruel defeat.” + </p> + <p> + “It is such a life that you have lived, Mr. Howard?” asked Helen, gazing + at him. + </p> + <p> + “There are compensations,” he replied, smiling slightly, “or there would + be no artists. There comes to each one who persists some hour of victory, + some hour when he catches the tide of his being at the flood, and when he + finds himself master of all that his soul contains, and takes a kind of + fierce delight in sweeping himself on and in breaking through everything + that stands in his way. You made me think of such things by what you said + of your joy in music; only perhaps the artist discovers that not only the + streamlets and the winds have motion and meaning, but that the planets + also have a word for his soul; and his own being comes suddenly to seem to + him a power which it frightens him to know of, and he sees the genius of + life as a spirit with eyes of flame. It lifts him from his feet and drags + him away, and the task of his soul takes the form of something that he + could cry out to escape. He has fought his way into the depths of being at + last, and lie stands alone in all his littleness on the shore of an ocean + whose waves are centuries—and then even while he is wondering and + full of fear, his power begins to die within him and to go he knows not + how; and when he looks at himself again he is like a man who has had a + dream, and wakened with only the trembling left; except that he knows it + was no dream but a fiery reality, and that the memory of it will cast a + shadow over all the rest of his days and make them seem trivial and + meaningless. No one knows how many years he may spend in seeking and never + find that lost glory again.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Howard had been speaking very intensely, and when he stopped Helen did + not reply at once, but continued gazing at him. “What is the use of such + moments,” she asked at last, “if they only make one wretched?” + </p> + <p> + “At least one may keep the memory,” he replied with a smile, “and that + gives him a standard of reality. He learns to be humble, and learns how to + judge men and men's glory, and the wonderful things of men's world,—so + that while they are the most self-occupied and self-delighted creatures + living he may see them as dumb cattle that are grazing while the sunrise + is firing the hilltops.” + </p> + <p> + “You have had such moments yourself?” asked Helen. + </p> + <p> + “A long time ago,” said the other, smiling at the seriousness with which + she spoke. “When you were telling me about your musical fancies you made + me remember how once when I was young I climbed a high hill and had an + adventure with a wind that was very swift and eager. At first I recollect + I tried not to heed it, because I had been dull and idle and unhappy; but + I found that I could not be very long in the presence of so much life + without being made ashamed, and that brave windstorm put me through a + course of repentance of the very sternest kind before it let me go. I + tried just to promise that I would be more wide-awake and more true, but + it paid not the least attention to that; and it would hear no arguments as + to the consequences,—it came again and again with a furious burst, + and swept me away every time I tried to think; it declared that I had been + putting off the task of living my life long enough, and that I was to + attend to it then and there. And when I gave myself up as demanded, it had + not the least mercy upon me, and each time that I protested that I was at + the end of my power it simply whirled me away again like a mad thing. When + at last I came down from the hillside I had quite a new idea of what + living meant, and I have been more respectful before the winds and other + people of genius ever since.” + </p> + <p> + Helen felt very much at home in that merry phantasy of her companion's, + but she did not say anything; after a moment's waiting the other went on + to tell her of something else that pleased her no less. “I remember,” he + said, “how as I came down I chanced upon a very wonderful sight, one which + made an impression upon me that I have not forgotten. It was a thicket of + wild roses; and I have always dreamed that the wild rose was a creature of + the wind and fire, but I never knew so much about it before. After that + day I have come seriously to believe it would be best if we prudent and + timid creatures, who neither dare nor care anything for the sake of + beauty,—if we simply did not ever see the wild rose. For it lives + only for a day or two, Miss Davis, and yet, as I discovered then, we may + live all our years and never get one such burst of glory, one such instant + of exultation and faith as that. And also I seriously think that among men + and all the wonderful works of men there is nothing so beautiful and so + precious as that little flower that none of them heeds.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Howard glanced at the girl suddenly; she had half stopped in her walk, + and she was gazing at him with a very eager look in her bright eyes. “What + is it?” he asked her, and Helen exclaimed, “Oh, I am so glad you mentioned + it! I had forgotten—actually forgotten!” + </p> + <p> + As her friend looked puzzled, the girl went on with her merriest laugh, “I + must tell you all about it, and we shall be happy once more; for you turn + down this path towards the woods, and then you must go very quietly and + hold your breath, and prepare yourself just as if you were going into a + great cathedral; for you want all your heart to be full of expectation and + joy! It is for only about one week in the year that you may see this great + sight, and the excitement of the first rapture is best of all. It would be + so dreadful if you were not reverent; you must fancy that you are coming + to hear a wonderful musician, and you know that he'll play for you, but + you don't know just when. That's what I used to pretend, and I used to + come every day for a week or two, and very early in the morning, when the + dew was still everywhere and the winds were still gay. Several times you + go back home disappointed, but that only makes you more eager for the next + time; and when you do find them it is wonderful—oh, most wonderful! + For there is a whole hedge of them along the edge of the wood; and you may + be just as madly happy as you choose and never be half happy enough, + because they are so beautiful!” + </p> + <p> + “These are wild roses?” asked the other, smiling. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Helen, “and oh, think how many days I have forgotten them, and + they may have bloomed! And for three years I have not been here, and I was + thinking about it all the way over on the steamer.” They had come to the + path that turned off to the woods, and Helen led her companion down it, + still prattling away in the meantime; when they came to the edge of the + woods she began walking upon tip toe, and put her fingers upon her lips in + fun. Then suddenly she gave a cry of delight, for there were the roses for + a fact, a whole hedge of them as she had said, glowing in the bright sun + and making a wonderful vision. + </p> + <p> + The two stopped and stood gazing at them, the girl's whole soul dancing + within her. “Oh do you know,” she cried suddenly, “I think that I could + get drunk with just looking at roses! There is a strange kind of + excitement that comes over one, from drinking in the sight of their rich + red, and their gracefulness and perfume; it makes all my blood begin to + flow faster, and I quite forget everything else.” Helen stood for a few + moments longer with her countenance of joy; afterwards she went towards + the flowers and knelt down in front of them, choosing a bud that was very + perfect. “I always allow myself just one,” she said, “just one for love,” + and then she bent over it, whispering softly: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Hush, 'tis the lullaby time is singing, + Hush and heed not, for all things pass.” + </pre> + <p> + She plucked it and held it up before her, while the wind came up behind + her and tossed it about, and tossed her skirts; Helen, radiant with + laughter, glanced at her companion, saying gaily, “You must hold it very + lightly, just like this, you know, with one finger and a thumb; and then + you may toss it before you and lose yourself in its perfectness, until it + makes all your soul feel gracious. Do you know, Mr. Howard, I think one + could not live with the roses very long without becoming beautiful?” + </p> + <p> + “That was what Plato thought,” said the other with a smile, “and many + other wise people.” + </p> + <p> + “I only wish that they might bloom forever,” said the girl, “I should try + it.” + </p> + <p> + Her companion had been lost in watching her, and now as she paused he + said: “Sometimes, I have been happy with the roses, too, Miss Davis. Here + is some music for your flower.” She gazed at him eagerly, and he recited, + half laughingly: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Wild rose, wild rose, sing me thy song, + Come, let us sing it together!— + I hear the silver streamlet call + From his home in the dewy heather.” + + “Let us sing the wild dance with the mountain breeze, + The rush of the mountain rain, + And the passionate clasp of the glowing sun + When the clouds are rent again.” + + “They tell us the time for the song is short, + That the wings of joy are fleet; + But the soul of the rose has bid me sing + That oh, while it lasts 'tis sweet!” + </pre> + <p> + Afterwards Helen stood for a moment in silence; then a happy idea came to + her mind, and she turned towards the hedge of roses once more and threw + back her head upon the wind and took a deep breath and began singing a + very beautiful melody. + </p> + <p> + As it swelled out Helen's joy increased until her face was alight with + laughter, and very wonderful to see; she stood with the rose tossing in + one of her hands, and with the other pressed upon her bosom,—“singing + of summer in full-throated ease.” One might have been sure that the roses + knew what she was saying, and that all about her loved her for her song. + </p> + <p> + Yet the girl had just heard that the wings of joy are fleet; and she was + destined to find even then that it was true. For when she stopped she + turned to her companion with a happy smile and said, “Do you know what + that is that I was singing?” When he said “No,” she went on, “It is some + wild-rose music that somebody made for me, I think. It is in the same book + as the 'Water Lily' that I played you.” And then in a flash the fearful + memory of that evening came over the girl, and made her start back; for a + moment she stood gazing at her friend, breathing very hard, and then she + lowered her eyes and whispered faintly to herself, “And it was not a month + ago!” + </p> + <p> + There was a long silence after that, and when Helen looked up again the + joy was gone out of her face, and she was the same frightened soul as + before. Her lips were trembling a little as she said, “Mr. Howard, I feel + somehow that I have no right to be quite happy, for I have done nothing to + make myself good.” Then, thinking of her friend, she added, “I am spoiling + your joy in the roses! Can you forgive me for that?” As he answered that + he could, Helen turned away and said, “Let us go into the woods, because I + do not like to see them any more just now.” + </p> + <p> + They passed beneath the deep shadows of the trees, and Helen led Mr. + Howard to the spring where she had been with Arthur. She sat down upon the + seat, and then there was a long silence, the girl gazing steadfastly in + front of her; she was thinking of the last time she had been there, and + how it was likely that the pale, wan look must still be upon Arthur's + face. Mr. Howard perhaps divined her thought, for he watched her for a + long time without speaking a word, and then at last he said gently, as if + to divert her attention, “Miss Davis, I think that you are not the first + one whom the sight of the wild rose has made unhappy.” + </p> + <p> + Helen turned and looked at him, and he gazed gravely into her eyes. For at + least a minute he said nothing; when he went on his voice was much + changed, and Helen knew not what to expect “Miss Davis,” he said, “God has + given to the wild rose a very wonderful power of beauty and joy; and + perhaps the man who looks at it has been dreaming all his life that + somewhere he too might find such precious things and have them for his + own. When he sees the flower there comes to him the fearful realization + that with all the effort of his soul he has never won the glory which the + wild rose wears by Heaven's free gift; and that perhaps in his loneliness + and weakness he has even forgotten all about such high perfection. So + there rises within him a yearning of all his being to forget his misery + and his struggling, and to lay all his worship and all his care before the + flower that is so sweet; he is afraid of his own sin and his own baseness, + and now suddenly he finds a way of escape,—that he will live no + longer for himself and his own happiness, but that his joy shall be the + rose's joy, and all his life the rose's life. Do you think, my dear + friend, that that might please the flower?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Helen wonderingly, “it would be beautiful, if one could do + it.” + </p> + <p> + The other spoke more gently still as he answered her, his voice trembling + slightly: “And do you not know, Miss Davis, that God has made <i>you</i> a + rose?” + </p> + <p> + The girl started visibly; she whispered, “You say that to me, Mr. Howard? + Why do you say that to <i>me</i>?” + </p> + <p> + And he fixed his dark eyes upon her, his voice very low as he responded: + “I say it to you,—because I love you.” + </p> + <p> + And Helen shrank back and stared at him; and then as she saw his look her + own dropped lower and lower and the color mounted to her face. Mr. Howard + paused for a moment or two and then very gently took one of her hands in + his, and went on: + </p> + <p> + “Helen,” he said,—“you must let me call you Helen—listen to me + a while, for I have something to tell you. And since we both of us love + the roses so much, perhaps it will be beautiful to speak of them still. I + want to tell you how the man who loves the flower needs not to love it for + his own sake, but may love it for the flower's; how one who really + worships beauty, worships that which is not himself, and the more he + worships it the less he thinks of himself. And Helen, you can never know + how hard a struggle my life has been, just to keep before me something to + love,—how lonely a struggle it has been, and how sad. I can only + tell you that there was very little strength left, and very little beauty, + and that it was all I could do to remember there was such a thing as joy + in the world, and that I had once possessed it. The music that moved me + and the music that I made was never your wild-rose singing, but such + yearning, restless music as you heard in the garden. I cannot tell you how + much I have loved that little piece that I played then; perhaps it is my + own sad heart that finds such breathing passion in it, but I have sent it + out into the darkness of many a night, dreaming that somewhere it might + waken an echo. For as long as the heart beats it never ceases to hunger + and to hope, and I felt that somewhere in the world there must be left + some living creature that was beautiful and pure, and that might be loved. + So it was that when I saw you all my soul was roused within me; you were + the fairest of all God's creatures that I had ever seen. That was why I + was so bitter at first, and that was why all my heart went out to you when + I saw your suffering, and why it is to me the dearest memory of my + lifetime that I was able to help you. Afterwards when I saw how true you + were, I was happier than I had ever dared hope to be again; for when I + went back to my lonely little home, it was no longer to think about myself + and my sorrow and my dullness, but to think about you,—to rejoice in + your salvation, and to pray for you in your trouble, and to wait for the + day when I might see you again. And so I knew that something had happened + to me for which I had yearned, oh so long and so painfully!—that my + heart had been taken from me, and that I was living in another life; I + knew, dear Helen, that I loved you. I said to myself long ago, before you + got Arthur's letter, that I would wait for the chance to say this to you, + to take your hand in mine and say: Sweet girl, the law of my life has been + that all my soul I must give to the best thing that ever I know; and that + thing is you. You must know that I love you, and how I love you; that I + lay myself at your feet and ask to help you and watch over you and + strengthen you all that I may. For your life is young and there is much to + be hoped for in it, and to my own poor self there is no longer any duty + that I owe. My heart is yours, and I ask for nothing but that I may love + you. Those were the words that I first meant to say to you, Helen; and to + ask you if it pleased you that I should speak to you thus.” + </p> + <p> + Mr. Howard stopped, and after he had waited a minute, the girl raised her + eyes to his face. She did not answer him, but she put out her other hand + and laid it very gently in his own. + </p> + <p> + There was a long silence before the man continued; at last he said, “Dear + Helen, that was what I wished to say to you, and no more than that, + because I believed that I was old, and that my heart was dying within me. + But oh, when that letter came from Arthur, it was as if I heard the voice + of my soul crying out to me that my life had just begun, that I had still + to love. As I came out here into the forest with you to-day, my soul was + full of a wondrous thought, a thought that brought more awe and rapture + than words have power to tell; it was that this precious maiden was not + made to be happy alone, but that some day she and all her being would go + out to someone, to someone who could win her heart, who could love her and + worship her as she deserved. And my soul cried out to me that <i>I</i> + could worship you; the thought wakened in me a wilder music than ever I + had heard in my life before. Here as I kneel before you and hold your + hands in mine, dear Helen, all my being cries out to you to come to me; + for in your sorrow your heart has been laid bare to my sight, and I have + seen only sweetness and truth. To keep it, and serve it, and feed it upon + thoughts of beauty, would be all that I could care for in life; and the + thought of winning you for mine, so that all your life I might cherish + you, is to me a joy which brings tears into my eyes. Oh, dearest girl, I + must live before you with that prayer, and tell me what you will, I must + still pray it. Nor do I care how long you ask me to wait; my life has now + but one desire, to love you in such a way as best may please you, to love + you as much as you will let me. Helen, I have told all myself to you, and + here as we gaze into each other's eyes our souls are bare to each other. + As I say those words they bring to me a thought that sweeps away all my + being,—that perhaps the great sorrow you have known has chastened + your heart so that you too wish to forget yourself, and worship at the + shrine of love; I see you trembling, and I think that perhaps it may be + that, and that it needs only a word of mine to bring your soul to me! What + that thought is I cannot tell you; but oh, it has been the dream of my + life, it has been the thing for which I have lived, and for which I was + dying. If I could win you for mine, Helen, for mine—and take you + away with me, away from all else but love! The thought of it chokes me, + and fills me with mighty anguish of yearning; and my soul burns for you, + and I stretch out my arms to you; and I cry out to you that the happiness + of my life is in your hands—that I love you—oh, that I love + you!” + </p> + <p> + As the man had been speaking he had sunk down before Helen, still clasping + her hands in his own. A great trembling had seized upon the girl and her + bosom was rising and falling swiftly; but she mastered herself with a + desperate effort and looked up, staring at him. “You tell me that you love + me,” she gasped, “you tell me that I am perfect! And yet you know what I + have done—you have seen all my wrongness!” + </p> + <p> + Her voice broke, and she could not speak a word more; she bowed her head + and the trembling came again, while the other clasped her hands more + tightly and bent towards her. “Helen,” he said, “I call you to a sacred + life that forgets all things but love. Precious girl, my soul cries out to + me that I have a right to you, that you were made that I might kneel + before you; it cries out to me, 'Speak the word and claim her, claim her + for your own, for no man could love her more than you love her. Tell her + that all your life you have waited for this sacred hour to come; tell her + that you have power and life, and that all your soul is hers!' And oh, + dear heart, if only you could tell me that you might love me, that years + of waiting might win you, it would be such happiness as I have never dared + to dream. Tell me, Helen, tell me if it be true!” + </p> + <p> + And the girl lifted her face to him, and he saw that all her soul had + leaped into her eyes. Her bosom heaved, and she flung back her head and + stretched wide her arms, and cried aloud, “Oh, David, I do love you!” + </p> + <p> + He clasped her in his arms and pressed her upon his bosom in an ecstasy of + joy, and kissed the lips that had spoken the wonderful words. “Tell me,” + he exclaimed, “you will be mine?” And she answered him, “Yours!” + </p> + <p> + For that there was no answer but the clasp of his love. At last he + whispered, “Oh, Helen, a lifetime of worship can never repay you for words + like those. My life, my soul, tell me once more, for you cannot be mine + too utterly; tell me once more that you are mine!” + </p> + <p> + And suddenly she leaned back her head and looked into his burning eyes, + and began swiftly, her voice choking: “Oh, listen, listen to me!—if + it be a pleasure to you to know how you have this heart. I tell you, + wonderful man that God has given me for mine, that I loved you the first + word that I heard you speak in the garden. You were all that I knew of in + life to yearn for—you were a wonderful light that had flashed upon + me and blinded me; and when I saw my own vileness in it I flung myself + down on my face, and felt a more fearful despair than I had ever dreamed + could torture a soul. I would have crawled to you upon my knees and + groveled in the dirt and begged you to have mercy upon me; and afterwards + when you lifted me up, I could have kissed the ground that you trod. But + oh, I knew one thing, and it was all that gave me courage ever to look + upon you; I heard the sacred voice of my womanhood within me, telling me + that I was not utterly vile, because it was in my ignorance that I had + done my sin; and that if ever I had known what love really was, I should + have laughed at the wealth of empires. To win your heart I would fling + away all that I ever cared for in life—my beauty, my health, my + happiness—yes, I would fling away my soul! And when you talked to me + of love and told me that its sacrifice was hard, I—I, little girl + that I am—could have told you that you were talking as a child; and + I thought, 'Oh, if only this man, instead of urging me to love another and + win my peace, if only <i>he</i> were not afraid to trust me, if only he + were willing that I should love <i>him!</i>' And this afternoon when I set + out with you, do you know what was the real thing that lay at the bottom + of my heart and made me so happy? I said to myself, 'It may take months, + and it may take years, but there is a crown in life that I may win—that + I may win forever! And this man shall tell me my duty, and night and day I + shall watch and pray to do it, and do more; and he will not know why I do + it, but it shall be for nothing but the love of him; and some day the + worship that is in his heart shall come to me, tho it find me upon my + death-bed.' And now you take me and tell me that I have only to love you; + and you frighten me, and I cannot believe that it is true! But oh, you are + pilot and master, and you know, and I will believe you—only tell me + this wonderful thing again that I may be sure—that in spite of all + my weakness and my helplessness and my failures, you love me—and you + trust me—and you ask for me. If that is really the truth, David,—tell + me if that is really the truth!” + </p> + <p> + David whispered to her, “Yes, yes; that is the truth;” and the girl went + on swiftly, half sobbing with her emotion: + </p> + <p> + “If you tell me that, what more do I need to know? You are my life and my + soul, and you call me. For the glory of your wonderful love I will leave + all the rest of the world behind me, and you may take me where you will + and when you will, and do with me what you please. And oh, you who + frightened me so about my wrongness and told me how hard it was to be + right—do you know how easy it is for me to say those words? And do + you know how happy I am—because I love you and you are mine? David—my + David—my heart has been so full,—so wild and thirsty,—that + now when you tell me that you want all my love, it is a word of glory to + me, it tells me to be happy as never in my life have I been happy before!” + </p> + <p> + And David bent towards her and kissed her upon her beautiful lips and upon + her forehead; and he pressed the trembling form closer upon him, so that + the heaving of her bosom answered to his own. “Listen, my love, my + precious heart,” he whispered, “I will tell you about the vision of my + life, now when you and I are thus heart to heart. Helen, my soul cries out + that this union must be perfect, in mind and soul and body a blending of + all ourselves; so that we may live in each other's hearts, and seek each + other's perfection; so that we may have nothing one from the other, but be + one and the same soul in the glory of our love. That is such a sacred + thought, my life, my darling; it makes all my being a song! And as I clasp + you to me thus, and kiss you, I feel that I have never been so near to + God. I have worshiped all my days in the great religion of love, and now + as the glory of it burns in my heart I feel lifted above even us, and see + that it is because of Him that we love each other so; because He is one, + our souls may be one, actually and really one, so that each loses himself + and lives the other's life. I know that I love you so that I can fling my + whole self away, and give up every thought in life but you. As I tell you + that, my heart is bursting; oh! drink in this passion of mine, and tell me + once more that you love me!” + </p> + <p> + Helen had still been leaning back her head and gazing into his eyes, all + her soul uplifted in the glory of her emotion; there was a wild look upon + her face,—and her breath was coming swiftly. For a moment more she + gazed at him, and then she buried her face on his shoulder, crying, “Mine—mine!” + For a long time she clung to him, breathing the word and quite lost in the + joy of it; until at last she leaned back her head and gazed up into his + eyes once more. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, David,” she said, “what can I answer you? I can only tell you one + thing, that here I am in your arms, and that I am yours—yours! And I + love you, oh, before God I love you with all my soul! And I am so happy—oh, + David, so happy! Dearest heart, can you not see how you have won me, so + that I cannot live without you, so that anything you ask of me you may + have? I cannot tell you any more, because I am trembling so, and I am so + weak; for this has been more than I can bear, it is as if all my being + were melting within me. But oh, I never thought that a human being could + be so happy, or that to love could be such a world of wonder and joy.” + </p> + <p> + Helen, as she had been speaking, had sunk down exhaustedly, letting her + head fall forward upon her bosom; she lay quite limp in David's arms, + while little by little the agitation that had so shaken her subsided. In + the meantime he was bending over the golden hair that was so wild and so + beautiful, and there were tears in his eyes. When at last the girl was + quiet she leaned back her head upon his arm and looked up into his face, + and he bent over her and pressed a kiss upon her mouth. Helen gazed into + his eyes and asked him: + </p> + <p> + “David, do you really know what you have done to this little maiden, how + fearfully and how madly you have made her yours? I never dreamed of what + it could mean to love before; when men talked to me of it I laughed at + them, and the touch of their hands made me shrink. And now here I am, and + everything about me is changed. Take me away with you, David, and keep me—I + do not care what becomes of me, if only you let me have your heart.” + </p> + <p> + The girl closed her eyes and lay still again for a long time; when she + began to speak once more it was softly, and very slowly, and half as if in + a dream: “David,” she whispered, “<i>my</i> David, I am tired; I think I + never felt so helpless. But oh, dear heart, it seems a kind of music in my + soul,—that I have cast all my sorrow away, and that I may be happy + again, and be at peace—at peace!” And the girl repeated the words to + herself more and more gently, until her voice had died away altogether; + the other was silent for a long time, gazing down upon the perfect face, + and then at last he kissed the trembling eyelids till they opened once + again. + </p> + <p> + “Sweet girl,” he whispered, “as God gives me life you shall never be sorry + for that beautiful faith, or sorry that you have laid bare your heart to + me.” Long afterwards, having watched her without speaking, he went on with + a smile, “I wonder if you would not be happier yet, dearest, if I should + tell you all the beautiful things that I mean to do with you. For now that + you are all mine, I am going to carry you far away; you will like that, + will you not, precious one?” + </p> + <p> + He saw a little of an old light come back into Helen's eyes as he asked + that question. “What difference does it make?” she asked, gently. + </p> + <p> + David laughed and went on: “Very well then, you shall have nothing to do + with it. I shall take you in my arms just as you are. And I have a + beautiful little house, a very little house among the wildest of + mountains, and there we shall live this wonderful summer, all alone with + our wonderful love. And there we shall have nature to worship, and + beautiful music, and beautiful books to read. You shall never have + anything more to think about all your life but making yourself perfect and + beautiful.” + </p> + <p> + The girl had raised herself up and was gazing at him with interest as he + spoke thus. But he saw a swift frown cross her features at his last words, + and he stopped and asked her what was the matter. Helen's reply was + delivered very gravely. “What I was to think about,” she said, “was + settled long ago, and I wish you would not say wicked things like that to + me.” + </p> + <p> + A moment later she laughed at herself a little; but then, pushing back her + tangled hair from her forehead, she went on seriously: “David, what you + tell me of is all that I ever thought of enjoying in life; and yet I am so + glad that you did not say anything about it before! For I want to love you + because of <i>you</i>, and I want you to know that I would follow you and + worship you and live in your love if there were nothing else in life for + you to offer me. And, David, do you not see that you are never going to + make this poor, restless creature happy until you have given her something + stern to do, something that she may know she is doing just for your love + and for nothing else, bearing some effort and pain to make you happy?” + </p> + <p> + The girl had put her hands upon his shoulders, and was gazing earnestly + into his eyes; he looked at her for a moment, and then responded in a low + voice: “Helen, dearest, let us not play with fearful words, and let us not + tempt sorrow. My life has not been all happiness, and you will have pain + enough to share with me, I fear, poor little girl.” She thought in a flash + of his sickness, and she turned quite pale as she looked at him; but then + she bent forward gently and folded her arms about him, and for a minute + more there was silence. + </p> + <p> + There were tears standing in David's eyes when she looked at him again. + But he smiled in spite of them and kissed her once more, and said: + “Sweetheart, it is not wrong that we should be happy while we can; and + come what may, you know, we need not ever cease to love. When I hear such + noble words from you I think I have a medicine to make all sickness light; + so be bright and beautiful once more for my sake.” + </p> + <p> + Helen smiled and answered that she would, and then her eye chanced to + light upon the ground, where she saw the wild rose lying forgotten; she + stooped down and picked it up, and then knelt on the grass beside David + and pressed it against his bosom while she gazed up into his face. “Once,” + she said, smiling tenderly, “I read a pretty little stanza, and if you + will love me more for it, I will tell it to you. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “'The sweetest flower that blows + I give you as we part, + To you, it is a rose, + To me, it is a heart.'” + </pre> + <p> + And the man took the flower, and took the hands too, and kissed them; then + a memory chanced to come to him, and he glanced about him on the + moss-covered forest floor. He saw some little clover-like leaves that all + forest-lovers love, and he stooped and picked one of the gleaming white + blossoms and laid it in Helen's hands. “Dearest,” he said, “it is + beautiful to make love with the flowers; I chanced to think how I once <i>wrote</i> + a pretty little poem, and if you will love me more for it, I will tell it + to <i>you</i>.” Then while the girl gazed at him happily, he went on to + add, “This was long before I knew you, dear, and when I worshiped the + flowers. One of them was this little wood sorrel. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + I found it in the forest dark, + A blossom of the snow; + I read upon its face so fair, + No heed of human woe. + + Yet when I sang my passion song + And when the sun rose higher, + The flower flung wide its heart to me, + And lo! its heart was fire.” + </pre> + <p> + Helen gazed at him a moment after he finished, and then she took the + little flower and laid it gently back in the group from which he had + plucked it; afterwards she looked up and laughed. “I want that poem for + myself,” she said, and drew closer to him, and put her arms about him; he + gazed into her upraised face, and there was a look of wonder in his eyes. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, precious girl,” he said, “I wonder if you know what a vision of + beauty God has made you! I wonder if you know how fair your eyes are, if + you know what glory a man may read in your face! Helen, when I look upon + you I know that God has meant to pay me for all my years of pain; and it + is all that I can do to think that you are really, really mine. Do you not + know that to gaze upon you will make me a mad, mad creature for years and + years and years?” + </p> + <p> + Helen answered him gravely: “With all my beauty, David, I am really, + really yours; and I love you so that I do not care anything in the world + about being beautiful, except because it makes you happy; to do that I + shall be always just as perfect as I may, thro all those mad years and + years and years!” Then, as she glanced about her, she added: “We must go + pretty soon, because it is late; but oh, before we do, sweetheart, will + you kiss me once more for all those years and years and years?” + </p> + <p> + And David bent over and clasped her in his arms again, + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Sie ist mir ewig, ist mir + immer, Erb und Eigen, ein und all! +</pre> + <h3> + END OF PART I <br /><br /> + </h3> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_PART2" id="link2H_PART2"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + PART II + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “When summer gathers up her robes of glory, + And like a dream of beauty glides away.” + </pre> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0014" id="link2HCH0014"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER I + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Across the hills and far away, + Beyond their utmost purple rim, + And deep into the dying day + The happy princess follow'd him.” + </pre> + <p> + It was several months after Helen's marriage. The scene was a little lake, + in one of the wildest parts of the Adirondacks, surrounded by tall + mountains which converted it into a basin in the land, and walled in by a + dense growth about the shores, which added still more to its appearance of + seclusion. In only one place was the scenery more open, where there was a + little vale between two of the hills, and where a mountain torrent came + rushing down the steep incline. There the underbrush had been cleared + away, and beneath the great forest trees a house constructed, a little + cabin built of logs, and in harmony with the rest of the scene. + </p> + <p> + It was only large enough for two or three rooms downstairs, and as many + above, and all were furnished in the plainest way. About the main room + there were shelves of books, and a piano and a well-chosen music-library. + It was the little home which for a dozen years or more David Howard had + occupied alone, and where he and Helen had spent the golden summer of + their love. + </p> + <p> + It was late in the fall then, and the mountains were robed in scarlet and + orange. Helen was standing upon the little piazza, a shawl flung about her + shoulders, because it was yet early in the morning. She was talking to her + father, who had been paying them a few days' visit, and was taking a last + look about him at the fresh morning scene before it was time for him to + begin his long homeward journey. + </p> + <p> + Helen was clad in a simple dress, and with the prettiest of white sun + bonnets tied upon her head; she was browned by the sun, and looked a + picture of health and happiness as she held her father's arm in hers. “And + then you are quite sure that you are happy?” he was saying, as he looked + at her radiant face. + </p> + <p> + She echoed the word—“Happy?” and then she stretched out her arms and + took a deep breath and echoed it again. “I am so happy,” she laughed, “I + never know what to do! You did not stay long enough for me to tell you, + Daddy!” She paused for a moment, and then went on, “I think there never + was anybody in the world so full of joy. For this is such a beautiful + little home, you know, and we live such a beautiful life; and oh, we love + each other so that the days seem to fly by like the wind! I never even + have time to think how happy I am.” + </p> + <p> + “Your husband really loves you as much as he ought,” said the father, + gazing at her tenderly. + </p> + <p> + “I think God never put on earth another such man as David,” replied, the + girl, with sudden gravity. “He is so noble, and so unselfish in every + little thing; I see it in his eyes every instant that all his life is + lived for nothing but to win my love. And it just draws the heart right + out of me, Daddy, so that I could live on my knees before him, just trying + to tell him how much I love him. I cannot ever love him enough; but it + grows—it grows like great music, and every day my heart is more + full!” + </p> + <p> + Helen was standing with her head thrown back, gazing ahead of her; then + she turned and laughed, and put her arm about her father again, saying: + “Haven't you just seen what a beautiful life we live? And oh, Daddy, most + of the time I am afraid because I married David, when I see how much he + knows. Just think of it,—he has lived all alone ever since he was + young, and done nothing but read and study. Now he brings all those + treasures to me, to make me happy with, and he frightens me.” She stopped + for a moment and then continued earnestly: “I have to be able to go with + him everywhere, you know, I can't expect him to stay back all his life for + me; and that makes me work very hard. David says that there is one duty in + the world higher than love, and that is the duty of labor,—that no + soul in the world can be right for one instant if it is standing still and + is satisfied, even with the soul it loves. He told me that before he + married me, but at first when we came up here he was so impatient that he + quite frightened me; but now I have learned to understand it all, and we + are wonderfully one in everything. Daddy, dear, isn't it a beautiful way + to live, to be always striving, and having something high and sacred in + one's mind? And to make all of one's life from one's own heart, and not to + be dependent upon anything else? David and I live away off here in the + mountains, and we never have anything of what other people call comforts + and enjoyments—we have nothing but a few books and a little music, + and Nature, and our own love; and we are so wonderfully happy with just + those that nothing else in the world could make any difference, certainly + nothing that money could buy us.” + </p> + <p> + “I was worried when you wrote me that you did not even have a servant,” + said Mr. Davis. + </p> + <p> + “It isn't any trouble,” laughed Helen. (David's man lived in the village + half a mile away and came over every day to bring what was necessary.) + “This is such a tiny little cottage, and David and I are very enthusiastic + people, and we want to be able to make lots of noise and do just as we + please. We have so much music, you know, Daddy, and of course David is + quite a wild man when he gets excited with music.” + </p> + <p> + Helen stopped and looked at her father and laughed; then she rattled + merrily on: “We are both of us just two children, for David is so much in + love with me that it makes him as young as I am; and we are away off from + everything, and so we can be as happy with each other as we choose. We + have this little lake all to ourselves, you know; it's getting cold now, + and pretty soon we'll have to fly away to the south, but all this summer + long we used to get up in the morning in time to see the sun rise, and to + have a wonderful swim. And then we have so many things to read and study; + and David talks to me, and tells me all that he knows; and besides all + that we have to tell each other how much we love each other, which takes a + fearful amount of time. It seems that neither of us can ever quite realize + the glory of it, and when we think of it, it is a wonder that nobody ever + told. Is not that a beautiful way to live, Daddy dear, and to love?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said Mr. Davis, “that is a very beautiful way indeed. And I think + that my little girl has all that I could wish her to have.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, there is no need to tell me that!” laughed Helen. “All I wish is that + I might really be like David and be worth his love; I never think about + anything else all day.” The girl stood for a moment gazing at her father, + and then, looking more serious, she put her arm about him and whispered + softly: “And oh, Daddy, it is too wonderful to talk about, but I ought to + tell you; for some day by and by God is going to send us a new, oh, a new, + new wonder!” And Helen blushed beautifully as her father gazed into her + eyes. + </p> + <p> + He took her hand tenderly in his own, and the two stood for some time in + silence. When it was broken it was by the rattling of the wagon which had + come to take Mr. Davis away. + </p> + <p> + David came out then to bid his guest good-by, and the three stood for a + few minutes conversing. It was not very difficult for, Helen to take leave + of her father, for she would see him, so she said, in a week or two more. + She stood waving her hands to him, until the bumping wagon was lost to + sight in the woods, and then she turned and took David's hand in hers and + gazed across the water at the gorgeous-colored mountains. The lake was + sparkling in the sunlight, and the sky was bright and clear, but Helen's + thoughts took a different turn from that. + </p> + <p> + All summer long she had been rejoicing in the glory of the landscape about + her, in the glowing fern and the wild-flowers underfoot, and in the + boundless canopy of green above, with its unresting song-birds; now there + were only the shrill cries of a pair of blue-jays to be heard, and every + puff of wind that came brought down a shower of rustling leaves to the + already thickly-covered ground. + </p> + <p> + “Is it not sad, David,” the girl said, “to think how the beauty should all + be going?” + </p> + <p> + David did not answer her for a moment. “When I think of it,” he said at + last, “it brings me not so much sadness as a strange feeling of mystery. + Only stop, and think of what that vanished springtime meant—think + that it was a presence of living, feeling, growing creatures,—infinite, + unthinkable masses of them, robing all the world; and that now the life + and the glory of it all is suddenly gone back into nothingness, that it + was all but a fleeting vision, a phantom presence on the earth. I never + realize that without coming to think of all the other things of life, and + that they too are no more real than the springtime flowers; and so it + makes me feel as if I were walking upon air, and living in a dream.” + </p> + <p> + Helen was leaning against a post of the piazza, her eyes fixed upon David + intently. “Does that not give a new meaning to the vanished spring-time?” + he asked her; and she replied in a wondering whisper, “Yes,” and then + gazed at him for a long time. + </p> + <p> + “David,” she said at last, “it is fearful to think of a thing like that. + What does it all mean? What causes it?” + </p> + <p> + “Men have been asking that helpless question since the dawn of time,” he + answered, “we only know what we see, this whirling and weaving of shadows, + with its sacred facts of beauty and love.” + </p> + <p> + Helen looked at him thoughtfully a moment, and then, recollecting + something she had heard from her father, she said, “But, David, if God be + a mystery like that, how can there be any religion?” + </p> + <p> + “What we may fancy God to be makes no difference,” he answered. “That + which we know is always the same, we have always the love and always the + beauty. All men's religion is but the assertion that the source of these + sacred things must be infinitely sacred, and that whatever may happen to + us, that source can suffer no harm; that we live by a power stronger than + ourselves, and that has no need of us.” + </p> + <p> + Helen was looking at her husband anxiously; then suddenly she asked him, + “But tell me then, David; you do not believe in heaven? You do not believe + that our souls are immortal?” As he answered her in the negative she gave + a slight start, and knitted her brows; and after another pause she + demanded, “You do not believe in revealed religion then?” + </p> + <p> + David could not help smiling, recognizing the voice of his clerical + father-in-law; when he answered, however, he was serious again. “Some day, + perhaps, dear Helen,” he said, “I will tell you all about what I think as + to such things. But very few of the world's real thinkers believe in + revealed religions any more—they have come to see them simply as + guesses of humanity at God's great sacred mystery, and to believe that + God's way of revealing Himself to men is through the forms of life itself. + As to the question of immortality that you speak of, I have always felt + that death is a sign of the fact that God is infinite and perfect, and + that we are but shadows in his sight; that we live by a power that is not + our own, and seek for beauty that is not our own, and that each instant of + our lives is a free gift which we can only repay by thankfulness and + worship.” + </p> + <p> + He paused for a moment, and the girl, who had still been gazing at him + thoughtfully, went on, “Father used to talk about those things to me, + David, and he showed me how the life of men is all spent in suffering and + struggling, and that therefore faith teaches us—-” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, dearest,” the other put in, “I know all that you are going to say; I + have read these arguments very often, you know. But suppose that I were to + tell you that I think suffering and struggling is the very essence of the + soul, and that what faith teaches us is that the suffering and struggling + are sacred, and not in the least that they are some day to be made as + nothing? Dearest, if it is true that the soul makes this life what it is, + a life of restless seeking for an infinite, would it not make the same + life anywhere else? Do you remember reading with me Emerson's poem about + Uriel, the seraph who sang before God's throne,—how even that could + not please him, and how he left it to plunge into the struggle of things + imperfect; and how ever after the rest of the seraphim were afraid of + Uriel? Do you think, dearest, that this life of love and labor that you + and I live our own selves needs anything else to justify it? The life that + I lived all alone was much harder and more full of pain than this, but I + never thought that it needed any rewarding.” + </p> + <p> + David stopped and stood gazing ahead of him thoughtfully; when he + continued his voice was lower and more solemn. “These things are almost + too sacred to talk of, Helen,” he said; “but there is one doubt that I + have known about this, one thing that has made me wonder if there ought + not to be another world after all. I never sympathized with any man's + longing for heaven, but I can understand how a man might be haunted by + some fearful baseness of his own self,—something which long years of + effort had taught him he could not ever expiate by the strength of his own + heart,—and how he could pray that there might be some place where + rightness might be won at last, cost what it would.” + </p> + <p> + The man's tone had been so strange as he spoke that it caused Helen to + start; suddenly she came closer to him and put her hands upon his + shoulders and gazed into his eyes. “David,” she whispered, “listen to me a + moment.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, dear,” he said, “what is it?” + </p> + <p> + “Was it because of yourself that you said those words?” + </p> + <p> + He was silent for a moment, gazing into her anxious eyes; then he bowed + his head and said in a faint voice, “Yes, dear, it was because of myself.” + </p> + <p> + And the girl, becoming suddenly very serious, went on, “Do you remember, + David, a long time ago—the time that I was leaving Aunt Polly's—that + you told me how you knew what it was to have something very terrible on + one's conscience? I have not ever said anything about that, but I have + never forgotten it. Was it that that you thought of then?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, dear, it was that,” answered the other, trembling slightly. + </p> + <p> + Helen stooped down upon her knees and put her arms about him, gazing up + pleadingly into his face. “Dearest David,” she whispered, “is it right to + refuse to tell me about that sorrow?” + </p> + <p> + There was a long silence, after which the man replied slowly, “I have not + ever refused to tell you, sweetheart; it would be very fearful to tell, + but I have not any secrets from you; and if you wished it, you should + know. But, dear, it was long, long ago, and nothing can ever change it + now. It would only make us sad to know it, so why should we talk of it?” + </p> + <p> + He stopped, and Helen gazed long and earnestly into his face. “David,” she + said, “it is not possible for me to imagine you ever doing anything wrong, + you are so good.” + </p> + <p> + “Perhaps,” said David, “it is because you are so good yourself.” But Helen + interrupted him at that with a quick rejoinder: “Do you forget that I too + have a sorrow upon my conscience?” Afterwards, as she saw that the eager + remark caused the other to smile in spite of himself, she checked him + gravely with the words, “Have you really forgotten so soon? Do you suppose + I do not ever think now of how I treated poor Arthur, and how I drove away + from me the best friend of my girlhood? He wrote me that he would think of + me no more, but, David, sometimes I wonder if it were not just an angry + boast, and if he might not yet be lonely and wretched, somewhere in this + great cold world where I cannot ever find him or help him.” + </p> + <p> + The girl paused; David was regarding her earnestly, and for a long time + neither of them spoke. Then suddenly the man bent down, and pressed a kiss + upon her forehead. “Let us only love each other, dear,” he whispered, “and + try to keep as right as we can while the time is given us.” + </p> + <p> + There was a long silence after that while the two sat gazing out across + the blue lake; when Helen spoke again it was to say, “Some day you must + tell me all about it, David, because I can help you; but let us not talk + about these dreadful things now.” She stopped again, and afterwards went + on thoughtfully, “I was thinking still of what you said about immortality, + and how very strange it is to think of ceasing to be. Might it not be, + David, that heaven is a place not of reward, but of the same ceaseless + effort as you spoke of?” + </p> + <p> + “Ah, yes,” said the other, “that is the thought of 'the wages of going + on.' And of course, dear, we would all like those wages; there is no + thought that tempts me so much as the possibility of being able to + continue the great race forever; but I don't see how we have the least + right to demand it, or that the facts give us the least reason to suppose + that we will get it. It seems to me simply a fantastic and arbitrary + fancy; the re-creating of a worn-out life in that way. I do not think, + dearest, that I am in the least justified in claiming an eternity of + vision because God gives me an hour; and when I ask Him the question in my + own heart I learn simply that I am a wretched, sodden creature that I do + not crowd that hour with all infinity and go quite mad at the sight of the + beauty that He flings wide before me.” + </p> + <p> + Helen did not reply for a while, and then she asked: “And you think, + David, that our life justifies itself no matter how much suffering may be + in it?” + </p> + <p> + “I think, dearest,” was his reply, “that the soul's life is struggle, and + that the soul's life is sacred; and that to be right, to struggle to be + right, is not only life's purpose, but also life's reward; and that each + instant of such righteousness is its own warrant, tho the man be swept out + of existence in the next.” Then David stopped, and when he went on it was + in a lower voice. “Dear Helen,” he said, “after I have told you what I + feel I deserve in life, you can understand my not wishing to talk lightly + about such things as suffering. Just now, as I sit here at my ease, and in + fact all through my poor life, I have felt about such sacred words as duty + and righteousness that it would be just as well if they did not ever pass + my lips. But there have come to me one or two times, dear, when I dared a + little of the labor of things, and drank a drop or two of the wine of the + spirit; and those times have lived to haunt me and make me at least not a + happy man in my unearned ease. There come to me still just once in a while + hours when I get sight of the gleam, hours that make me loathe all that in + my hours of comfort I loved; and there comes over me then a kind of + Titanic rage, that I should go down a beaten soul because I have not the + iron strength of will to lash my own self to life, and tear out of my own + heart a little of what power is in it. At such times, Helen, I find just + this one wish in my mind,—that God would send to me, cost what it + might, some of the fearful experience that rouses a man's soul within him, + and makes him live his life in spite of all his dullness and his fear.” + </p> + <p> + David had not finished, but he halted, because he saw a strange look upon + the girl's face. She did not answer him at once, but sat gazing at him; + and then she said in a very grave voice, “David, I do not like to hear + such words as that from you.” + </p> + <p> + “What words, dearest?” + </p> + <p> + “Do you mean actually that it sometimes seems to you wrong to live happily + with me as you have?” + </p> + <p> + David laid his hand quietly upon hers, watching for a minute her anxious + countenance. Then he said in a low voice: “You ought not to ask me about + such things, dear, or blame me for them. Sometimes I have to face the very + cruel thought that I ought not ever to have linked my fate to one so sweet + and gentle as you, because what I ought to be doing in the world to win a + right conscience is something so hard and so stern that it would mean that + I could never be really happy all my life.” + </p> + <p> + David was about to go on, but he stopped again because of Helen's look of + displeasure. “David,” she whispered, “that is the most unloving thing that + I have ever heard from you!” + </p> + <p> + “And you must blame me, dear, because of it?” he asked. + </p> + <p> + “I suppose,” Helen answered, “that you would misunderstand me as long as I + chose to let you. Do you not suppose that I too have a conscience,—do + you suppose that I want any happiness it is wrong for us to take, or that + I would not dare to go anywhere that your duty took you? And do you + suppose that anything could be so painful to me as to know that you do not + trust me, that you are afraid to live your life, and do what is your duty, + before me?” + </p> + <p> + David bent down suddenly and pressed a kiss upon the girl's forehead. + “Precious little heart,” he whispered, “those words are very beautiful.” + </p> + <p> + “I did not say them because they were beautiful,” answered Helen gravely; + “I said them because I meant them, and because I wanted you to take them + in earnest. I want to know what it is that you and I ought to be doing, + instead of enjoying our lives; and after you have told me what it is I can + tell you one thing—that I shall not be happy again in my life until + it is done.” + </p> + <p> + David watched her thoughtfully a while before he answered, because he saw + that she was very much in earnest. Then he said sadly, “Dearest Helen, + perhaps the reason that I have never been able all through my life to + satisfy my soul is the pitiful fact that I have not the strength to dare + any of the work of other men; I have had always to chafe under the fact + that I must choose between nourishing my poor body, or ceasing to live. I + have learned that all my power—and more too, as it sometimes seemed,—was + needed to bear bravely the dreadful trials that God has sent to me.” + </p> + <p> + Helen paled slightly; she felt his hand trembling upon hers, and she + remembered his illness at her aunt's, about which she had never had the + courage to speak to him. “And so, dear heart,” he went on slowly, “let us + only be sure that we are keeping our lives pure and strong, that we are + living in the presence of high thoughts and keeping the mastery of + ourselves, and saying and really meaning that we live for something + unselfish; so that if duty and danger come, we shall not prove cowards, + and if suffering comes we should not give way and lose our faith. Does + that please you, dear Helen?” + </p> + <p> + The girl pressed his hand silently in hers. After a while he went on still + more solemnly: “Some time,” he said, “I meant to talk to you about just + that, dearest, to tell you how stern and how watchful we ought to be. It + is very sad to me to see what happens when the great and fearful realities + of life disclose themselves to good and kind people who have been living + without any thought of such things. I feel that it is very wrong to live + so, that if we wished to be right we would hold the high truths before us, + no matter how much labor it cost.” + </p> + <p> + “What truths do you mean?” asked Helen earnestly; and he answered her: + “For one, the very fearful fact of which I have just been talking—that + you and I are two bubbles that meet for an instant upon the whirling + stream of time. Suppose, sweetheart, that I were to tell you that I do not + think you and I would be living our lives truly, until we were quite sure + that we could bear to be parted forever without losing our faith in God's + righteousness?” + </p> + <p> + Helen turned quite white, and clutched the other's hands in hers; she had + not once thought of actually applying what he had said to her. “David! + David!” she cried, “No!” + </p> + <p> + The man smiled gently as he brushed back the hair from her forehead and + gazed into her eyes. “And when you asked for sternness, dear,” he said, + “was it that you did not know what the word meant? Life is real, dear + Helen, and the effort it demands is real effort.” + </p> + <p> + The girl did not half hear these last words; she was still staring at her + husband. “Listen to me, David,” she said at last, still holding his hand + tightly in hers, her voice almost a whisper; “I could bear anything for + you, David, I know that I could bear <i>anything</i>; I could really die + for you, I say that with all my soul,—that was what I was thinking + of when you spoke of death. But David, if you were to be taken from me,—if + you were to be taken from me—” and she stopped, unable to find a + word more. + </p> + <p> + “Perhaps it will be just as well not to tell me, dear heart,” he said to + her, gently. + </p> + <p> + “David,” she went on more strenuously yet, “listen to me—you must + not ever ask me to think of that! Do you hear me? For, oh, it cannot be + true, it cannot be true, David, that you could be taken from me forever! + What would I have left to live for?” + </p> + <p> + “Would you not have the great wonderful God?” asked the other gently—“the + God who made me and all that was lovable in me, and made you, and would + demand that you worship him?” But Helen only shook her head once more and + answered, “It could not be true, David,—no, no!” Then she added in a + faint voice, “What would be the use of my having lived?” + </p> + <p> + The man bent forward and kissed her again, and kissed away a little of the + frightened, anxious look upon her face. “My dear,” he said with a gentle + smile, “perhaps I was wrong to trouble you with such fearful things after + all. Let me tell you instead a thought that once came to my mind, and that + has stayed there as the one I should like to call the most beautiful of + all my life; it may help to answer that question of yours about the use of + having lived. Men love life so much, Helen dear, that they cannot ever + have enough of it, and to keep it and build it up they make what we call + the arts; this thought of mine is about one of them, about music, the art + that you and I love most. For all the others have been derived from things + external, but music was made out of nothing, and exists but for its one + great purpose, and therefore is the most spiritual of all of them. I like + to say that it is time made beautiful, and so a shadow picture of the + soul; it is this, because it can picture different degrees of speed and of + power, because it can breathe and throb, can sweep and soar, can yearn and + pray,—because, in short, everything that happens in the heart can + happen in music, so that we may lose ourselves in it and actually live its + life, or so that a great genius can not merely tell us about himself, but + can make all the best hours of his soul actually a part of our own. This + thought that I said was beautiful came to me from noticing how perfectly + the art was one with that which it represented; so that we may say not + only that music is life, but that life is music. Music exists because it + is beautiful, dear Helen, and because it brings an instant of the joy of + beauty to our hearts, and for no other reason whatever; it may be music of + happiness or of sorrow, of achievement or only of hope, but so long as it + is beautiful it is right, and it makes no difference, either, that it cost + much labor of men, or that when it is gone it is gone forever. And + dearest, suppose that the music not only was beautiful, but knew that it + was beautiful; that it was not only the motion of the air, but also the + joy of our hearts; might it not then be its own excuse, just one strain of + it that rose in the darkness, and quivered and died away again forever?” + </p> + <p> + When David had spoken thus he stopped and sat still for a while, gazing at + his wife; then seeing the anxious look still in possession of her face, he + rose suddenly by way of ending their talk. “Dearest,” he said, smiling, + “it is wrong of me, perhaps, to worry you about such very fearful things + as those; let us go in, and find something to do that is useful, and not + trouble ourselves with them any more.” + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0015" id="link2HCH0015"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER II + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “O Freude, habe Acht! + Sprich leise, + Dass nicht der Schmerz erwacht!” + </pre> + <p> + It was late on the afternoon of the day that Helen's father had left for + home, and David was going into the village with some letters to mail. + Helen was not feeling very well herself and could not go, but she insisted + upon his going, for she watched over his exercise and other matters of + health with scrupulous care. She had wrapped him up in a heavy overcoat, + and was kneeling beside his chair with her arms about him. + </p> + <p> + “Tell me, dear,” she asked him, for the third or fourth time, “are you + sure this will be enough to keep you warm?—for the nights are so + very cold, you know; I do not like you to come back alone anyway.” + </p> + <p> + “I don't think you would be much of a protection against danger,” laughed + David. + </p> + <p> + “But it will be dark when you get back, dear.” + </p> + <p> + “It will only be about dusk,” was the reply; “I don't mind that.” + </p> + <p> + Helen gazed at him wistfully for a minute, and then she went on: “Do you + not know what is the matter with me, David? You frightened me to-day, and + I cannot forget what you said. Each time that it comes to my mind it makes + me shudder. Why should you say such fearful things to me?” + </p> + <p> + “I am very sorry,” said the other, gently. + </p> + <p> + “You simply must not talk to me so!” cried the girl; “if you do you will + make me so that I cannot bear to leave you for an instant. For those + thoughts make my love for you simply desperate, David; I cry out to myself + that I never have loved you enough, never told you enough!” And then she + added pleadingly, “But oh, you know that I love you, do you not, dear? + Tell me.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, I know it,” said the other gently, taking her in his arms and + kissing her. + </p> + <p> + “Come back soon,” Helen went on, “and I will tell you once more how much I + do; and then we can be happy again, and I won't be afraid any more. Please + let me be happy, won't you, David?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, love, I will,” said the man with a smile. “I do not think that I was + wise ever to trouble you.” + </p> + <p> + Helen was silent for a while, then as a sudden thought occurred to her she + added: “David, I meant to tell you something—do you know if those + horrible thoughts keep haunting me, it is just this that they will make me + do; you said that God was very good, and so I was thinking that I would + show him how very much I love you, how I could really never get along + without you, and how I care for nothing else in the world. It seems to me + to be such a little thing, that we should only just want to love; and + truly, that is all I do want,—I would not mind anything else in the + world,—I would go away from this little house and live in any poor + place, and do all the work, and never care about anything else at all, if + I just might have you. That is really true, David, and I wish that you + would know it, and that God would know it, and not expect me to think of + such dreadful things as you talk of.” + </p> + <p> + As David gazed into her deep, earnest eyes he pressed her to him with a + sudden burst of emotion. “You have me now, dearest,” he whispered, “and + oh, I shall trust the God who gave me this precious heart!”—He + kissed her once more in fervent love, and kissed her again and again until + the clouds had left her face. She leaned back and gazed at him, and was + radiant with delight again. “Oh—oh—oh!” she cried. “David, it + only makes me more full of wonder at the real truth! For it is the truth, + David, it is the truth—that you are all mine! It is so wonderful, + and it makes me so happy,—I seem to lose myself more in the thought + every day!” + </p> + <p> + “You can never lose yourself too much, little sweetheart,” David + whispered; “let us trust to love, and let it grow all that it will. Helen, + I never knew what it was to live until I met you,—never knew how + life could be so full and rich and happy. And never, never will I be able + to tell you how much I love you, dearest soul.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, but I believe you without being told!” she said, laughing. “Do you + know, I could make myself quite mad just with saying over to myself that + you love me all that I could ever wish you to love me, all that I could + imagine you loving me! Isn't that true, David?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, that is true,” the man replied. + </p> + <p> + “But you don't know what a wonderful imagination I have,” laughed the + girl, “and how hungry for your love I am.” And she clasped him to her + passionately and cried, “David, you can make me too happy to live with + that thought! I shall have to think about it all the time that you are + gone, and when you come back I shall be so wonderfully excited,—oh—oh, + David!” + </p> + <p> + Then she laughed eagerly and sprang up. “You must not stay any longer,” + she exclaimed, “because it is getting late; only hurry back, because I can + do nothing but wait for you.” And so she led him to the door, and kissed + him again, and then watched him as he started up the road. He turned and + looked at her, as she leaned against the railing of the porch, with the + glory of the sunset falling upon her hair; she made a radiant picture, for + her cheeks were still flushed, and her bosom still heaving with the glory + of the thought she had promised to keep. There was so much of her love in + the look which she kept upon David that it took some resolution to go on + and leave her. + </p> + <p> + As for Helen, she watched him until he had quite disappeared in the + forest, after which she turned and gazed across the lake at the gold and + crimson mountains. But all the time she was still thinking the thought of + David's love; the wonder of it was still upon her face, and it seemed to + lift her form; until at last she stretched wide her arms, and leaned back + her head, and drank a deep draft of the evening air, whispering aloud, + “Oh, I do not dare to be as happy as I can!” And she clasped her arms upon + her bosom and laughed a wild laugh of joy. + </p> + <p> + Later on, because it was cold, she turned and went into the house, singing + a song to herself as she moved. As she went to the piano and sat down she + saw upon the rack the little springtime song of Grieg's that was the first + thing she had ever heard upon David's violin; she played a few bars of it + to herself, and then she stopped and sat still, lost in the memory which + it brought to her mind of the night when she had sat at the window and + listened to it, just after seeing Arthur for the last time. “And to think + that it was only four or five months ago!” she whispered to herself. “And + how wretched I was!” + </p> + <p> + “I do not believe I could ever be so unhappy again,” she went on after a + while, “I know that I could not, while I have David!” after which her + thoughts came back into the old, old course of joy. When she looked at the + music again the memory of her grief was gone, and she read in it all of + her own love-glory. She played it through again, and afterwards sat quite + still, until the twilight had begun to gather in the room. + </p> + <p> + Helen then rose and lit the lamp, and the fire in the open fire-place; she + glanced at the clock and saw that more than a quarter of an hour had + passed, and she said to herself that it could not be more than that time + again before David was back. + </p> + <p> + “I should go out and meet him if I were feeling quite strong,” she added + as she went to the door and looked out; then she exclaimed suddenly: “But + oh, I know how I can please him better!” And the girl went to the table + where some of her books were lying, and sat down and began very diligently + studying, glancing every half minute at the clock and at the door. “I + shall be too busy even to hear him!” she said, with a sudden burst of + glee; and quite delighted with the effect that would produce she listened + eagerly every time she fancied she heard a step, and then fixed her eyes + upon the book, and put on a look of most complete absorption. + </p> + <p> + Unfortunately for Helen's plan, however, each time it proved to be a false + alarm; and so the fifteen minutes passed completely, and then five, and + five again. The girl had quite given up studying by that time, and was + gazing at the clock, and listening to its ticking, and wondering very much + indeed. At last when more than three-quarters of an hour had passed since + David had left, she got up and went to the door once more to listen; as + she did not hear anything she went out on the piazza, and finally to the + road. All about her was veiled in shadow, which her eyes strove in vain to + pierce; and so growing still more impatient she raised her voice and + called, “David, David!” and then stood and listened to the rustling of the + leaves and the faint lapping of the water on the shore. + </p> + <p> + “That is very strange,” Helen thought, growing very anxious indeed; “it is + fearfully strange! What in the world can have happened?” And she called + again, with no more result that before; until with a sudden resolution she + turned and passed quickly into the house, and flinging a wrap about her, + came out and started down the road. Occasionally she raised her voice and + shouted David's name, but still she got no reply, and her anxiety soon + changed into alarm, and she was hurrying along, almost in a run. In this + way she climbed the long ascent which the road made from the lake shore; + and when she had reached the top of it she gathered her breath and shouted + once more, louder and more excitedly than ever. + </p> + <p> + This time she heard the expected reply, and found that David was only a + few rods ahead of her. “What is the matter?” she called to him, and as he + answered that it was nothing, but to come to him, she ran on more alarmed + than ever. + </p> + <p> + There was just light enough for her to see that David was bending down; + and then as she got very near she saw that on the ground in front of him + was lying a dark, shadowy form. As Helen cried out again to know what was + the matter, her husband said, “Do not be frightened, dear; it is only some + poor woman that I have found here by the roadside.” + </p> + <p> + “A woman!” the girl echoed in wonder, at the same time giving a gasp of + relief at the discovery that her husband was not in trouble. “Where in the + world can she have come from, David?” + </p> + <p> + “I do not know,” he answered, “but she probably wandered off the main + road. It is some poor, wretched creature, Helen; she has been drinking, + and is quite helpless.” + </p> + <p> + And Helen stood still in horror, while David arose and came to her. “You + are out of breath, dear,” he exclaimed, “why did you come so fast?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, I was so frightened!” the girl panted. “I cannot tell you, David, + what happens in my heart whenever I think of your coming to any harm. It + was dreadful, for I knew something serious must be the matter.” + </p> + <p> + David put his arm about her and kissed her to quiet her fears; then he + said, “You ought not to have come out, dear; but be calm now, for there is + nothing to worry you, only we must take care of this poor woman. It is + such a sad sight, Helen; I wish that you had not come here.” + </p> + <p> + “What were you going to do?” asked the girl, forgetting herself quickly in + her sympathy. + </p> + <p> + “I meant to come down and tell you,” was David's reply; “and then go back + to town and get someone to come and take her away.” + </p> + <p> + “But, David, you can never get back over that rough road in the darkness!” + exclaimed Helen in alarm; “it is too far for you to walk, even in the + daytime—I will not let you do it, you must not!” + </p> + <p> + “But dear, this poor creature cannot be left here; it will be a bitter + cold night, and she might die.” + </p> + <p> + Helen was silent for a moment in thought, and then she said in a low, + trembling voice: “David, there is only one thing to do.” + </p> + <p> + “What is that, dear?” asked the other. + </p> + <p> + “We will have to take her home with us.” + </p> + <p> + “Do you know what you are saying?” asked the other with a start; “that + would be a fearful thing to do, Helen.” + </p> + <p> + “I cannot help it,” she replied, “it is the only thing. And it would be + wicked not to be willing to do that, because she is a woman.” + </p> + <p> + “She is in a fearful way, dear,” said the other, hesitatingly; “and to ask + you to take care of her—” + </p> + <p> + “I would do anything sooner than let you take that walk in such darkness + as this!” was the girl's reply; and with that statement she silenced all + of his objections. + </p> + <p> + And so at last David pressed her hand, and whispered, “Very well, dear, + God will bless you for it.” Then for a while the two stood in silence, + until Helen asked, “Do you think that we can carry her, poor creature?” + </p> + <p> + “We may try it,” the other replied; and Helen went and knelt by the + prostrate figure. The woman was muttering to herself, but she seemed to be + quite dazed, and not to know what was going on about her. Helen did not + hesitate any longer, but bent over and strove to lift her; the woman was + fortunately of a slight build, and seemed to be very thin, so that with + David's help it was easy to raise her to her feet. It was a fearful task + none the less, for the poor wretch was foul with the mud in which she had + been lying, and her wet hair was streaming over her shoulders; as Helen + strove to lift her up the head sunk over upon her, but the girl bit her + lips together grimly. She put her arm about the woman's waist, and David + did the same on the other side, and so the three started, stumbling slowly + along in the darkness. + </p> + <p> + “Are you sure that it is not too much for you?” David asked; “we can stop + whenever you like, Helen.” + </p> + <p> + “No, let us go on,” the girl said; “she has almost no weight, and we must + not leave her out here in the cold. Her hands are almost frozen now.” + </p> + <p> + They soon made their way on down to where the lights of the little cottage + shone through the trees. David could not but shrink back as he thought of + taking their wretched burden into their little home, but he heard the + woman groan feebly, and he was ashamed of his thought. Nothing more was + said until they had climbed the steps, not without difficulty, and had + deposited their burden upon the floor of the sitting room; after which + David rose and sank back into a chair, for the strain had been a heavy one + for him. + </p> + <p> + Helen also sprang up as she gazed at the figure; the woman was foul with + every misery that disease and sin can bring upon a human creature, her + clothing torn to shreds and her face swollen and stained. She was half + delirious, and clawing about her with her shrunken, quivering hands, so + that Helen exclaimed in horror: “Oh God, that is the most dreadful sight I + have ever seen in my life!” + </p> + <p> + “Come away,” said the other, raising himself from the chair; “it is not + right that you should look at such things.” + </p> + <p> + But with Helen it was only a moment before her pity had overcome every + other emotion; she knelt down by the stranger and took one of the cold + hands and began chafing it. “Poor, poor woman!” she exclaimed; “oh, what + misery you must have suffered! David, what can a woman do to be punished + like this? It is fearful!” + </p> + <p> + It was a strange picture which the two made at that moment, the woman in + her cruel misery, and the girl in her pure and noble beauty. But Helen had + no more thought of shrinking, for all her soul had gone out to the + unfortunate stranger, and she kept on trying to bring her back to + consciousness. “Oh, David,” she said, “what can we do to help her? It is + too much that any human being should be like this,—she would have + died if we had not found her.” And then as the other opened her eyes and + struggled to lift herself, Helen caught an incoherent word and said, “I + think she is thirsty, David; get some water and perhaps that will help + her. We must find some way to comfort her, for this is too horrible to be. + And perhaps it is not her fault, you know,—who knows but perhaps + some man may have been the cause of it all? Is it not dreadful to think + of, David?” + </p> + <p> + So the girl went on; her back was turned to her husband, and she was + engrossed in her task of mercy, and did not see what he was doing. She did + not see that he had started forward in his chair and was staring at the + woman; she did not see him leaning forward, farther and farther, with a + strange look upon his face. But there was something she did see at last, + as the woman lifted herself again and stared first at Helen's own pitying + face, and then vaguely about the room, and last of all gazing at David. + Suddenly she stretched out her arms to him and strove to rise, with a wild + cry that made Helen leap back in consternation:—“David! It's David!” + </p> + <p> + And at the same instant David sprang up with what was almost a scream of + horror; he reeled and staggered backwards against the wall, clutching with + his hands at his forehead, his face a ghastly, ashen gray; and as Helen + sprang up and ran towards him, he sank down upon his knees with a moan, + gazing up into the air with a look of agony upon his face. “My God! My + God!” he gasped; “it is my Mary!” + </p> + <p> + And Helen sank down beside him, clutching him by the arm, and staring at + him in terror. “David, David!” she whispered, in a hoarse voice. But the + man seemed not to hear her, so overwhelmed was he by his own emotion. “It + is Mary,” he cried out again,—“it is my Mary!—oh God, have + mercy upon my soul!” And then a shudder passed over him, and he buried his + face in his arms and fell down upon the floor, with Helen, almost + paralyzed with fright, still clinging to him. + </p> + <p> + In the meantime the woman had still been stretching out her trembling arms + to him, crying his name again and again; as she sank back exhausted the + man started up and rushed toward her, clutching her by the hand, and + exclaiming frantically, “Mary, Mary, it is I—speak to me!” But the + other's delirium seemed to have returned, and she only stared at him + blankly. At last David staggered to his feet and began pacing wildly up + and down, hiding his face in his hands, and crying helplessly, “Oh, God, + that this should come to me now! Oh, how can I bear it—oh, Mary, + Mary!” + </p> + <p> + He sank down upon the sofa again and burst into fearful sobbing; Helen, + who had still been kneeling where he left her, rushed toward him and flung + her arms about him, crying out, “David, David, what is the matter? David, + you will kill me; what is it?” + </p> + <p> + And he started and stared at her wildly, clutching her arm. “Helen,” he + gasped, “listen to me! I ruined that woman! Do you hear me?—do you + hear me? It was I who betrayed her—I who made her what she is! <i>I—I!</i> + Oh, leave me,—leave me alone—oh, what can I do?” + </p> + <p> + Then as the girl still clung to him, sobbing his name in terror, the man + went on, half beside himself with his grief, “Oh, think of it—oh, + how can I bear to know it and live? Twenty-three years ago,—and it + comes back to curse me now! And all these years I have been living and + forgetting it—and been happy, and talking of my goodness—oh + God, and this fearful madness upon the earth! And I made it—I—and + <i>she</i> has had to pay for it! Oh, look at her, Helen, look at her—think + that that foulness is mine! She was beautiful,—she was pure,—and + she might have been happy, she would have been good, but for me! Oh God in + heaven, where can I hide myself, what can I do?” + </p> + <p> + Helen was still clutching at his arm, crying to him, “David, spare me!” He + flung her off in a mad frenzy, holding her at arm's length, and staring at + her with a fearful light in his eyes. “Girl, girl!” he cried, “do you know + who I am—do you know what I have done? This girl was like you once, + and I made her love me—made her love me with the sacred fire that + God had given me, made her love me as I made <i>you</i> love me! And she + was beautiful like you—she was younger than you, and as happy as + you! And she trusted me as you trusted me, she gave herself to me as you + did, and I took her, and promised her my love—and now look at her! + Can you wish to be near me, can you wish to see me? Oh, Helen, I cannot + bear myself—oh, leave me, I must die!” + </p> + <p> + He sank down once more, weeping, all his form shaking with his grief; + Helen flung her arms about his neck again, but the man seemed to forget + her presence. “Oh, think where that woman has been,” he moaned; “think + what she has seen, and done, and suffered—and what she is! Was there + ever such a wreck of womanhood, ever such a curse upon earth? And, oh, for + the years that she has lived in her fearful sin, and I have been happy—great + God, what can I do for those years,—how can I live and gaze upon + this crime of mine? I, who sought for beauty, to have made this madness; + and it comes now to curse me, now, when it is too late; when the life is + wrecked,—when it is gone forever!” + </p> + <p> + David's voice had sunk into a moan; and then suddenly he heard the woman + crying out, and he staggered to his feet. She was sitting up again, her + arms stretched out; David caught her in his own, gazing into her face and + crying, “Mary, Mary! Look at me! Here I am—I am David, the David you + loved.” + </p> + <p> + He stopped, gasping for breath, and the woman cried in a faint voice, + “Water, water!” David turned and called to Helen, and the poor girl, tho + scarcely able to stand, ran to get a glass of it; another thought came to + the man in the meantime, and he turned to the other with a sudden cry. “If + there were a child!” he gasped, “a child of mine somewhere in the world, + alone and helpless!” He stared into the woman's eyes imploringly. + </p> + <p> + She was gazing at him, choking and trying to speak; she seemed to be + making an effort to understand him, and as David repeated his agonizing + question she gave a sign of assent, causing a still wilder look to cross + the man's face. He called to her again to tell him where; but the woman + seemed to be sinking back into her raving, and she only gasped faintly + again for water. + </p> + <p> + When Helen brought it they poured it down her throat, and then David + repeated his question once more; but he gave a groan as he saw that it was + all in vain; the wild raving had begun again, and the woman only stared at + him blankly, until at last the wretched man, quite overcome, sank down at + her side and buried his head upon her shrunken bosom and cried like a + child, poor Helen in the meantime clinging to him still. + </p> + <p> + It was only when David had quite worn himself out that he seemed to hear + her pleading voice; then he looked at her, and for the first time through + his own grief caught sight of hers. There was such a look of helpless woe + upon Helen's face that he put out his hand to her and whispered faintly, + “Oh, poor little girl, what have <i>you</i> done that you should suffer + so?” As Helen drew closer to him, clinging to his hand in fright, he went + on, “Can you ever forgive me for this horror—forgive me that I dared + to forget it, that I dared to marry you?” + </p> + <p> + The girl's answer was a faint moan, “David, David, have mercy on me!” He + gazed at her for a moment, reading still more of her suffering. + </p> + <p> + “Helen,” he asked, “you see what has come upon me—can you ask me not + to be wretched, can you ask me still to live? What can I do for such a + crime,—when I look at this wreck of a soul, what comfort can I hope + to find?” And the girl, her heart bursting with grief, could only clasp + his hands in hers and gaze into his eyes; there was no word she could + think of to say to him, and so for a long time the two remained in + silence, David again fixing his eyes upon the woman, who seemed to be + sinking into a kind of stupor. + </p> + <p> + When he looked up once more it was because Helen was whispering in his + ear, a new thought having come to her, “David, perhaps <i>I</i> might be + able to help you yet.” + </p> + <p> + The man replied in a faint, gasping voice, “Help me? How?” And the girl + answered, “Come with me,” and rose weakly to her feet, half lifting him + also. He gazed at the woman and saw that she was lying still, and then he + did as Helen asked. She led him gently into the other room, away from the + fearful sight, and the two sat down, David limp and helpless, so that he + could only sink down in her arms with a groan. “Poor, poor David,” she + whispered, in a voice of infinite pity; “oh, my poor David!” + </p> + <p> + “Then you do not scorn me, Helen?” the man asked in a faint, trembling + voice, and went on pleading with her, in words so abject and so wretched + that they wrung the girl's heart more than ever. + </p> + <p> + “David, how can you speak to me so?” she cried, “you who are all my life?” + And then she added with swift intensity, “Listen to me, David, it cannot + be so bad as that, I know it! Will you not tell me, David? Tell me all, so + that I may help you!” So she went on pleading with him gently, until at + last the man spoke again, in faltering words. + </p> + <p> + “Helen,” he said, “I was only a boy; God knows that is one excuse, if it + is the only one. I was only seventeen, and she was no more.” + </p> + <p> + “Who was she, David?” the girl asked. + </p> + <p> + “She lived in a village across the mountains from here, near where our + home used to be. She was a farmer's daughter, and she was beautiful—oh, + to think that that woman was once a beautiful girl, and innocent and pure! + But we were young, we loved each other, and we had no one to warn us; it + was so long ago that it seems like a dream to me now, but we sinned, and I + took her for mine; then I went home to tell my father, to tell him that + she was my wife, and that I must marry her. And oh, God, she was a + farmer's daughter, and I was a rich man's son, and the cursed world knows + nothing of human souls! And I must not marry her—I found all the + world in arms against it—-” + </p> + <p> + “And you let yourself be persuaded?” asked the girl, in a faint whisper. + </p> + <p> + “Persuaded?” echoed David, his voice shaking; “who would have thought of + persuading a mad boy? I let myself be commanded and frightened into + submission, and carried away. And then five or six miserable months passed + away and I got a letter from her, and she was with child, and she was + ruined forever,—she prayed to me in words that have haunted me night + and day all my life, to come to her and keep my promise.” + </p> + <p> + And David stopped and gave a groan; the other whispered, “You could not + go?” + </p> + <p> + “I went,” he answered; “I borrowed money, begged it from one of my + father's servants, and ran away and went up there; and oh, I was two days + too late!” + </p> + <p> + “Too late?” exclaimed Helen wonderingly. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, yes,” was the hoarse reply, “for she was a weak and helpless girl, + and scorned of all the world; and her parents had turned her away, and she + was gone, no one knew where. Helen, from that day to this I have never + seen her, nor ever heard of her; and now she comes to curse me,—to + curse my soul forever. And it is more than I can bear, more than I can + bear!” + </p> + <p> + David sank down again, crying out, “It is too much, it is too much!” But + then suddenly he caught his wife's hand in his and stared up at her, + exclaiming, “And she said there was a child, Helen! Somewhere in the world + there is another soul suffering for this sin of mine! Oh, somehow we must + find out about that—something must be done, I could not have two + such fearful things to know of. We must find out, we must find out!” + </p> + <p> + As the man stopped and stared wildly about him he heard the woman's voice + again, and sprang up; but Helen, terrified at his suffering, caught him by + the arm, whispering, “No, no, David, let me go in, I can take care of + her.” And she forced her husband down on the sofa once more, and then ran + into the next room. She found the woman again struggling to raise herself + upon her trembling arms, staring about her and calling out incoherently. + Helen rushed to her and took her hands in hers, trying to soothe her + again. + </p> + <p> + But the woman staggered to her feet, oblivious of everything about her. + “Where is he? Where is he?” she gasped hoarsely; “he will come back!” She + began calling David's name, and a moment later, as Helen tried to keep her + quiet, she tore her hands loose and rushed blindly across the room, + shrieking louder yet, “David, where are you? Don't you know me, David?” + </p> + <p> + As Helen turned she saw that her husband had heard the cries and come to + the doorway again; but it was all in vain, for the woman, though she + looked at him, knew him no more; it was to a phantom of her own brain that + she was calling, in the meantime pacing up and down, her voice rising + higher and higher. She was reeling this way and that, and Helen, + frightened at her violence, strove to restrain her, only to be flung off + as if she had been a child; the woman rushed on, groping about her blindly + and crying still, “David! Tell me where is David!” + </p> + <p> + Then as David and Helen stood watching her in helpless misery her + delirious mood changed, and she clutched her hands over her bosom, and + shuddered, and moaned to herself, “It is cold, oh, it is cold!” Afterwards + she burst into frantic sobbing, that choked her and shook all her frame; + and again into wild peals of laughter; and then last of all she stopped + and sprang back, staring in front of her with her whole face a picture of + agonizing fright; she gave one wild scream after another and staggered and + sank down at last upon the floor. “Oh, it is he, it is he!” she cried, her + voice sinking into a shudder; “oh, spare me,—why should you beat me? + Oh God, have mercy—have mercy!” Her cries rose again into a shriek + that made Helen's blood run cold; she looked in terror at her husband, and + saw that his face was white; in the meantime the wretched woman had flung + herself down prostrate upon the floor, where she lay groveling and + writhing. + </p> + <p> + That again, however, was only for a minute or two; she staggered up once + more and rushed blindly across the room, crying, “I cannot bear it, I + cannot bear it! Oh, what have I done?” Then suddenly as she flung up her + arms imploringly and staggered blindly on, she lurched forward and fell, + striking her head against the corner of the table. + </p> + <p> + Helen started forward with a cry of alarm, but before she had taken half a + dozen steps the woman had raised herself to her feet once more, and was + staring at her, blinded by the blood which poured from a cut in her + forehead. Her clothing was torn half from her, and her tangled hair + streamed from her shoulders; she was a ghastly sight to behold, as, + delirious with terror, she began once more rushing this way and that about + the room. The two who watched her were powerless to help her, and could + only drink in the horror of it all and shudder, as with each minute the + poor creature became more frantic and more desperate. All the while it was + evident that her strength was fast leaving her; she staggered more and + more, and at last she sank down upon her knees. She strove to rise again + and found that she could not, but lurched and fell upon the floor; as she + turned over and Helen saw her face, the sight was too much for the girl's + self-control, and she buried her face in her hands and broke into frantic + sobbing. + </p> + <p> + David in the meantime was crouching in the doorway, his gaze fixed upon + the woman; he did not seem even to notice Helen's outburst, so lost was + all his soul in the other sight. Fie saw that the stranger's convulsive + efforts were weakening, and he staggered forward with a cry, and flung + himself forward down on his knees beside her. “Mary, Mary!” he called; but + she did not heed him, tho he clasped her hands and shook her, gazing into + her face imploringly. Her eyes were fixed upon him, but it was with a + vacant stare; and then suddenly he started back with a cry of horror—“Great + God, she is dying!” + </p> + <p> + The woman made a sudden fearful effort to lift herself, struggling and + gasping, her face distorted with fierce agony; as it failed she sank back, + and lay panting hard for breath; then a shudder passed over her, and while + David still stared, transfixed, a hoarse rattle came from her throat, and + her features became suddenly set in their dreadful passion. In a moment + more all was still; and David buried his face in his hands and sank down + upon the corpse, without even a moan. + </p> + <p> + Afterwards, for a full minute there was not a sound in the room; Helen's + sobbing had ceased, she had looked up and sat staring at the two figures,—until + at last, with a sudden start of fright she sprang up and crept silently + toward them. She glanced once at the woman's body, and then bent over + David; as she felt that his heart was still beating, she caught him to her + bosom, and knelt thus in terror, staring first into his white and tortured + features, and then at the body on the floor. + </p> + <p> + Finally, however, she nerved herself, and tho she was trembling and + exhausted, staggered to her feet with her burden; holding it tightly in + her arms she went step by step, slowly and in silence out of the room. + When she had passed into the next one she shut the door and, sinking down + upon the sofa, lifted David's broken figure beside her and locked it in + her arms and was still. Thus she sat without a sound or a motion, her + heart within her torn with fear and pain, all through the long hours of + that night; when the cold, white dawn came up, she was still pressing him + to her bosom, sobbing and whispering faintly, “Oh, David! Oh, my poor, + poor David!” + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Hast du im Venusburg geweilt, So bist nun + ewig du verdammt! +</pre> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0016" id="link2HCH0016"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER III + </h2> + <p> + “Then said I, 'Woe is me! For I am undone;... for mine eyes have seen the + King, the Lord of Hosts.'” + </p> + <p> + David's servant drove out early upon the following morning to tell him of + a strange woman who had been asking for him in the village; they sent the + man back for a doctor, and it was found that the poor creature was really + dead. + </p> + <p> + They wished to take the body away, but David would not have it; and so, + late in the afternoon, a grave was dug by the lake-shore near the little + cottage, and what was left of Mary was buried there. David was too + exhausted to leave the house, and Helen would not stir from his side, so + the two sat in silence until the ceremony was over, and the men had gone. + The servant went with them, because the girl said they wished to be alone; + and then the house settled down to its usual quietness,—a quietness + that frightened Helen now. + </p> + <p> + For when she looked at her husband her heart scarcely beat for her terror; + he was ghastly white, and his lips were trembling, and though he had not + shed a tear all the day, there was a look of mournful despair on his face + that told more fearfully than any words how utterly the soul within him + was beaten and crushed. All that day he had been so, and as Helen + remembered the man that had been before so strong and eager and brare, her + whole soul stood still with awe; yet as before she could do nothing but + cling to him, and gaze at him with bursting heart. + </p> + <p> + But at last when the hours had passed and not a move had been made, she + asked him faintly, “David, is there no hope? Is it to be like this + always?” + </p> + <p> + The man raised his eyes and gazed at her helplessly. “Helen,” he said, his + voice sounding hollow and strange, “what can you ask of me? How can I bear + to look about me again, how can I think of living? Oh, that night of + horror! Helen, it burns my brain—it tortures my soul—it will + drive me mad!” He buried his face in his hands again, shaking with + emotion. “Oh, I cannot ever forget it,” he whispered hoarsely; “it must + haunt me, haunt me until I die! I must know that after all my years of + struggle it was this that I made, it is this that stands for my life—and + it is over, and gone from me forever and finished! Oh, God, was there ever + such a horror flashed upon a guilty soul—ever such fiendish torture + for a man to bear? And Helen, there was a child, too—think how that + thought must goad me—a child of mine, and I cannot ever aid it—it + must suffer for its mother's shame. And think, if it were a woman, Helen—this + madness must go on, and go on forever! Oh, where am I to hide me; and what + can I do?” + </p> + <p> + There came no tears, but only a fearful sobbing; poor Helen whispered + frantically, “David, it was not your fault, you could not help it—surely + you cannot be to blame for all this.” + </p> + <p> + He did not answer her, but after a long silence he went on in a deep, low + voice, “Helen, she was so beautiful! She has lived in my thoughts all + these years as the figure that I used to see, so bright and so happy; I + used to hear her singing in church, and the music was a kind of madness to + me, because I knew that she loved me. And her home was a little + farm-house, half buried in great trees, and I used to see her there with + her flowers. Now—oh, think of her now—think of her life of + shame and agony—think of her turned away from her home, and from all + she loved in the world,—deserted and scorned, and helpless—think + of her with child, and of the agony of her degradation! What must she not + have suffered to be as she was last night—oh, are there tears enough + in the world to pay for such a curse, for that twenty years' burden of + wretchedness and sin? And she was beaten—oh, she was beaten—Mary, + my poor, poor Mary! And to die in such horror, in drunkenness and madness! + And now she is gone, and it is over; and oh, why should I live, what can I + do?” + </p> + <p> + His voice dropped into a moan, and then again there was a long silence. At + last Helen whispered, in a weak, trembling voice, “David, you have still + love; can that be nothing to you?” + </p> + <p> + “I have no right to love,” he groaned, “no right to love, and I never had + any. For oh, all my life this vision has haunted me—I knew that + nothing but death could have saved her from shame! Yes, and I knew, too, + that some day I must find her. I have carried the terror of that in my + heart all these years. Yet I dared to take your love, and dared to fly + from my sin; and then there comes this thunderbolt—oh, merciful + heaven, it is too much to bear, too much to bear!” He sank down again; + poor Helen could find no word of comfort, no utterance of her own bursting + heart except the same frantic clasp of her love. + </p> + <p> + So the day went by over that shattered life; and each hour the man's + despair grew more black, his grief and misery more hopeless. The girl + watched him and followed him about as if she had been a child, but she + could get him to take no food, and to divert his mind to anything else she + dared not even try. He would sit for hours writhing in his torment, and + then again he would spring up and pace the room in agitation, though he + was too weak to bear that very long. Afterwards the long night came on, + and all through it he lay tossing and moaning, sometimes shuddering in a + kind of paroxysm of grief,—Helen, though she was weary and almost + fainting, watching thro the whole night, her heart wild with her dread. + </p> + <p> + And so the morning came, and another day of misery; and in the midst of it + David flung himself down upon the sofa and buried his face in his arms and + cried out, “Oh God, my God, I cannot stand it, I cannot stand it! Oh, let + me die! I dare not lift my head—there is no hope for me—there + is no life for me—I dare not pray! It is more than I can bear—I + am beaten, I am lost forever!” And Helen fell down upon her knees beside + him, and tore away his hands from his face and stared at him frantically, + exclaiming, “David, it is too cruel! Oh, have mercy upon me, David, if you + love me!” + </p> + <p> + He stopped and gazed long and earnestly into her face, and a look of + infinite pity came into his eyes; at last he whispered, in a low voice, + “Poor, poor little Helen; oh, Helen, God help you, what can I do?” He + paused and afterwards went on tremblingly, “What have you done that you + should suffer like this? You are right that it is too cruel—it is + another curse that I have to bear! For I knew that I was born to suffering—I + knew that my life was broken and dying—and yet I dared to take yours + into it! And now, what can I do to save you, Helen; can you not see that I + dare not live?” + </p> + <p> + “David, it is you who are killing yourself,” the girl moaned in answer. He + did not reply, but there came a long, long silence, in which he seemed to + be sinking still deeper; and when he went on it was in a shuddering voice + that made Helen's heart stop. “Oh, it is no use,” he gasped, “it is no + use! Listen, Helen, there was another secret that I kept from you, because + it was too fearful; but I can keep it no more, I can fight no more!” + </p> + <p> + He stopped; the girl had clutched his arm, and was staring into his face, + whispering his name hoarsely. At last he went on in his cruel despair, “I + knew this years ago, too, and I knew that I was bringing it upon you—the + misery of this wretched, dying body. Oh, it hurts—it hurts now!” And + he put his hand over his heart, as a look of pain came into his face. “It + cannot stand much more, my heart,” he panted; “the time must come—they + told me it would come years ago! And then—and then—” + </p> + <p> + The man stopped, because he was looking at Helen; she had not made a + sound, but her face had turned so white, and her lips were trembling so + fearfully that he dared not go on; she gave a loud, choking cry and burst + out wildly, “Oh, David—David—it is fiendish—you have no + right to punish me so! Oh, have mercy upon me, for you are killing me! You + have no right to do it, I tell you it is a crime; you promised me your + love, and if you loved me you would live for my sake, you would think of + me! A thing so cruel ought not to be—it cannot be right—God + could never have meant a human soul to suffer so! And there must be pardon + in the world, there must be light—it cannot all be torture like + this!” She burst into a flood of tears and flung herself upon David's + bosom, sobbing again and again, “Oh, no, no, it is too fearful, oh, save + me, save me!” + </p> + <p> + He did not answer her; as she looked up at him again she saw the same look + of fearful woe, and read the cruel fact that there was no help, that her + own grief and pleadings were only deepening the man's wretchedness. She + stared at him for a long time; and when she spoke to him again it was with + a sudden start, and in a strange, ghastly voice,—“And then, David, + there is no God?” + </p> + <p> + He trembled, but the words choked him as he tried to respond, and his head + dropped; then at last she heard him moan, “Oh, how can God free my soul + from this madness, how can he deliver me from such a curse?” Helen could + say no more—could only cling to him and sob in her fright. + </p> + <p> + So the day passed away, and another night came; and still the crushed and + beaten soul was writhing in its misery, lost in blackness and despair; and + still Helen read it all in his white and tortured features, and drank the + full cup of his soul's fiery pain. + </p> + <p> + They took no heed of the time; but it was long after darkness had fallen; + and once when the girl had gone upstairs for a moment she heard David + pacing about, and then heard a stifled cry. She rushed down, and stopped + short in the doorway. For the man was upon his knees, his face uplifted in + wild entreaty. “Oh God, oh merciful God!” he sobbed; “all the days of my + life I have sought for righteousness, labored and suffered to keep my soul + alive! And oh, was it all for this—was it to go down in blackness + and night, to die a beaten man, crushed and lost? Oh, I cannot bear it, I + cannot bear it! It cannot—it must not be!” + </p> + <p> + He sank forward upon the sofa, and buried his head in his arms, and the + girl could hear his breathing in the stillness; at last she crept across + the room and knelt down beside him, and whispered softly in his ear, “You + do not give me your heart any more, David?” + </p> + <p> + It was a long time before he answered her, and then it was to moan, “Oh, + Helen, my heart is broken, I can give it to no one. Once I had strength + and faith, and could love; but now I am lost and ruined, and there is + nothing that can save me. I dare not live, and I dare not die, and I know + not where to turn!” + </p> + <p> + He started up suddenly, clasping his hands to his forehead and staggering + across the room, crying out, “Oh no, it cannot be, oh, it cannot be! There + must be some way of finding pardon, some way of winning Tightness for a + soul! Oh God, what can I do for peace?” But then again he sank down and + hid his face and sobbed out: “In the face of this nightmare,—with + this horror fronting me! <i>She</i> cried for pardon, and none came.” + </p> + <p> + After that there was a long silence, with Helen crouching in terror by his + side. She heard him groan: “It is all over, it is finished—I can + fight no more,” and then again came stillness, and when she lifted him and + gazed into his face she knew not which was worse, the silent helpless + despair that was upon it, or the torment and the suffering that had gone + before. She tried still to soothe him, begging and pleading with him to + have mercy upon her. He asked her faintly what he could do, and the poor + girl, seeing how weak and exhausted he was, could think of only the things + of the body, and begged him to try to rest. “It has been two nights since + you have slept, David,” she whispered. + </p> + <p> + “I cannot sleep with this burden upon my soul,” he answered her; but still + she pleaded with him, begging him as he loved her; and he yielded to her + at last, and broken and helpless as he was, she half carried him upstairs + and laid him upon the bed as if he had been a little child. That seemed to + help little, however, for he only lay tossing and moaning, “Oh, God, it + must end; I cannot bear it!” + </p> + <p> + Those were the last words Helen heard, for the poor girl was exhausted + herself, almost to fainting; she lay down, without undressing, and her + head had scarcely touched the pillow before she was asleep. In the + meantime, through the long night-watches David lay writhing and crying out + for help. + </p> + <p> + The moon rose dim and red behind the mountains,—it had mounted high + in the sky, and the room was bright with it, when at last the man rose + from the bed and began swiftly pacing the room, still muttering to + himself. He sank down upon his knees by the window and gazed up at the + silent moon. Then again he rose and turned suddenly, and after a hurried + glance at Helen went to the door and passed out, closing it silently + behind him, and whispered to himself, half deliriously, “Oh, great God, it + must end! It must end!” + </p> + <p> + It was more than an hour afterwards that the girl awakened from her + troubled sleep; she lay for an instant half dazed, trying to bring back to + her mind what had happened; and then she put out her hand and discovered + that her husband was no longer by her. She sat up with a wild start, and + at the same instant her ear was caught by a sound outside, of footsteps + pacing swiftly back and forth, back and forth, upon the piazza. The girl + leaped up with a stifled cry, and ran out of the room and down the steps. + The room below was still half lighted by the flickering log-fire, and + Helen's shadow loomed up on the opposite wall as she rushed across the + room and opened the door. + </p> + <p> + The gray light of dawn was just spreading across the lake, but the girl + noticed only one thing, her husband's swiftly moving figure. She rushed to + him, and as he heard her, he turned and stared at her an instant as if + dazed, and then staggered with a cry into her arms. “David, David!” she + exclaimed, “what is the matter?” Then as she clasped him to her she found + that his body was trembling convulsively, and that his hand as she took it + was hot like fire; she called to him again in yet greater anxiety: “David, + David! What is it? You will kill me if you treat me so!” + </p> + <p> + He answered her weakly, “Nothing, dear, nothing,” and she caught him to + her, and turned and half carried him into the house. She staggered into a + chair with him, and then sat gazing in terror at his countenance. For the + man's forehead was burning and moist, and his frame was shaking and + broken; he was completely prostrated by the fearful agitation that had + possessed him. Helen cried to him once more, but he could only pant, + “Wait, wait,” and sink back and let his head fall upon her arm; he lay + with his eyes closed, breathing swiftly, and shuddering now and then. “It + was God!” he panted with a sudden start, his voice choking; “He has shown + me His face! He has set me free!” + </p> + <p> + Then again for a long time he lay with heaving bosom, Helen whispering to + him pleadingly, “David, David!” As he opened his eyes, the girl saw a + wonderful look upon his face; and at last he began speaking, in a low, + shaking voice, and pausing often to catch his breath: “Oh, Helen,” he + said, “it is all gone, but I won, and my life's prayer has not been for + nothing! I was never so lost, so beaten; but all the time there was a + voice in my soul that cried to me to fight,—that there was glory + enough in God's home for even me! And oh, to-night it came—it came!” + </p> + <p> + David sank back, and there was a long silence before he went on: “It was + wonderful, Helen,” he whispered, “there has come nothing like it to me in + all my life; for I had never drunk such sorrow before, never known such + fearful need. It seems as if all the pent-up forces of my nature broke + loose in one wild, fearful surge, as if there was a force behind me like a + mighty, driving storm, that swept me on and away, beyond self and beyond + time, and out into the life of things. It was like the surging of fierce + music, it was the great ocean of the infinite bursting its way into my + heart. And it bore me on, so that I was mad with it, so that I knew not + where I was, only that I was panting for breath, and that I could bear it + no more and cried out in pain!” + </p> + <p> + David as he spoke had been lifting himself, the memory of his vision + taking hold of him once more; but then he sank down again and whispered, + “Oh, I have no more strength, I can do no more; but it was God, and I am + free!” + </p> + <p> + He lay trembling and breathing fast again, but sinking back from his + effort and closing his eyes exhaustedly. After a long time he went on in a + faint voice, “I suppose if I had lived long ago that would have been a + vision of God's heaven; and yet there was not an instant of it—even + when I fell down upon the ground and when I struck my hands upon the + stones because they were numb and burning—when I did not know just + what it was, the surging passion of my soul flung loose at last! It was + like the voices of the stars and the mountains, that whisper of that which + is and which conquers, of That which conquers without sound or sign; + Helen, I thought of that wonderful testament of Pascal's that has haunted + me all my lifetime,—those strange, wild, gasping words of a soul + gone mad with awe, and beyond all utterance except a cry,—'Joy, joy, + tears of joy!' And I thought of a still more fearful story, I thought that + it must have been such thunder-music that rang through the soul of the + Master and swept Him away beyond scorn and pain, so that the men about Him + seemed like jeering phantoms that He might scatter with His hand, before + the glory of vision in which it was all one to live or die. Oh, it is that + which has brought me my peace! God needs not our help, but only our + worship; and beside His glory all our guilt is nothing, and there is no + madness like our fear. And oh, if we can only hold to that and fight for + it, conquer all temptation and all pain—all fear because we must + die, and cease to be—” + </p> + <p> + The man had clenched his hands again, and was lifting himself with the + wild look upon his countenance; he seemed to the girl to be delirious, and + she was shuddering, half with awe and half with terror. She interrupted + him in a sudden burst of alarm: “Yes, yes,—but David, David, not + now, not now—it is too much—you will kill yourself!” + </p> + <p> + “I can die,” he panted, “I can die, but I cannot ever be mastered again, + never again be blind! Oh, Helen, all my life I have been lost and beaten—beaten + by my weakness and my fear; but this once, this once I was free, this once + I knew, and I lived; and now I can die rejoicing! Listen to me, Helen; + while I am here there can be no more delaying,—no more weakness! + Such sin and doubt as that of yesterday must never conquer my soul again, + I will not any more be at the mercy of chance. I love you, Helen, God + knows that I love you with all my soul; and this much for love I will do, + if God spares me a day,—take you, and tear the heart out of you, if + need be, but only teach you to live, teach you to hold by this Truth. It + is a fearful thing, Helen; it is madness to me to know that at any instant + I may cease to be, and that you may be left alone in your terror and your + weakness. Oh, look at me,—look at me! There is no more tempting + fate, there is no more shirking the battle—there is life, there is + life to be lived! And it calls to you now,—<i>now!</i> And now you + must win,—cost just what it may in blood and tears! You have the + choice between that and ruin, and before God you shall choose the right! + Listen to me, Helen—it is only prayer that can do it, it is only by + prayer that you can fight this fearful battle—bring before you this + truth of the soul, and hold on to it,—hold on to it tho it kill you! + For He was through all the ages, His glory is of the skies; and we are but + for an instant, and we have to die; and this we must know, or we are lost! + There comes pain, and calls you back to fear and doubt; and you fight—oh, + it is a cruel fight, it is like a wild beast at your vitals,—but + still you hold on—you hold on!” + </p> + <p> + The man had lifted himself with a wild effort, his hands clenched and his + teeth set. He had caught the girl's hands in his, and she screamed in + fear: “David, David! You will kill yourself!” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, yes!” he answered, and rushed on, chokingly; “it is coming just so; + for I have just force enough left to win—just force enough to save + you,—and then it will rend this frame of mine in two! It comes like + a clutch at my heart—it blinds me, and the sky seems to turn to fire——” + </p> + <p> + He sank back with a gasp; Helen caught him to her bosom, exclaiming + frantically, “Oh, David, spare me—wait! Not now—you cannot + bear it—have mercy!” + </p> + <p> + He lay for a long time motionless, seemingly half dazed; then he whispered + faintly, “Yes, dear, yes; let us wait. But oh, if you could know the + terror of another defeat, of sinking down and letting one's self be bound + in the old chains—I must not lose, Helen, I dare not fail!” + </p> + <p> + “Listen, David,” whispered Helen, beginning suddenly with desperate + swiftness; “why should you fail? Why can you not listen to me, pity me, + wait until you are strong? You have won, you will not forget—and is + there no peace, can you not rest in this faith, and fear no more?” The man + seemed to Helen to be half out of his mind for the moment; she was trying + to manage him with a kind of frenzied cunning. As she went on whispering + and imploring she saw that David's exhaustion was gradually overcoming him + more and more, and that he was sinking farther and farther back from his + wild agitation. At last after she had continued thus for a while he closed + his eyes and began breathing softly. “Yes, dear,” he whispered; “yes; I + will be quiet. There has come to my soul to-night a peace that is not for + words; I can be still, and know that He is God, and that He is holy.” + </p> + <p> + His voice dropped lower each instant, the girl in the meantime soothing + him and stroking his forehead and pleading with him in a shuddering voice, + her heart wild with fright. When at last he was quite still, and the + fearful vision, that had been like a nightmare to her, was gone with all + its storm and its madness, she took him upon her lap, just as she had done + before, and sat there clasping him in her arms while the time fled by + unheeded. It was long afterwards—the sun was gleaming across the + lake and in at the window—before at last her trembling prayer was + answered, and he sank into an exhausted slumber. + </p> + <p> + She sat watching him for a long time still, quite white with fear and + weariness; finally, however, she rose, and carrying the frail body in her + arms, laid it quietly upon the sofa in the next room. She knelt watching + it for a time, then went out upon the piazza, closing the door behind her. + </p> + <p> + And there the fearful tension that the dread of wakening him had put upon + her faculties gave way at last, and the poor girl buried her face in her + hands, and sank down, sobbing convulsively: “Oh, God, oh, God, what can I + do, how can I bear it?” She gazed about her wildly, exclaiming, “I cannot + stand it, and there is no one to help me! What <i>can</i> I do?” + </p> + <p> + Perhaps it was the first real prayer that had ever passed Helen's lips; + but the burden of her sorrow was too great just then for her to bear + alone, even in thought. She leaned against the railing of the porch with + her arms stretched out before her imploringly, her face uplifted, and the + tears running down her cheeks; she poured out one frantic cry, the only + cry that she could think of:—“Oh, God, have mercy upon me, have + mercy upon me! I cannot bear it!” + </p> + <p> + So she sobbed on, and several minutes passed, but there came to her no + relief; when she thought of David, of his breaking body and of his + struggling soul, it seemed to her as if she were caught in the grip of a + fiend, and that no power could save her. She could only clasp her hands + together and shudder, and whisper, “What shall I do, what shall I do?” + </p> + <p> + Thus it was that the time sped by; and the morning sun rose higher in + front of her, and shone down upon the wild and wan figure that seemed like + a phantom of the night. She was still crouching in the same position, her + mind as overwrought and hysterical as ever, when a strange and unexpected + event took place, one which seemed to her at first in her state of fright + like some delusion of her mind. + </p> + <p> + Except for her own emotion, and for the faint sound of the waves upon the + shore, everything about her had been still; her ear was suddenly caught, + however, by the noise of a footstep, and she turned and saw the figure of + a man coming down the path from the woods; she started to her feet, gazing + in surprise. + </p> + <p> + It was broad daylight then, and Helen could see the person plainly; she + took only one glance, and reeled and staggered back as if it were a ghost + at which she was gazing. She crouched by a pillar of the porch, trembling + like a leaf, and scarcely able to keep her senses, leaning from side to + side and peering out, with her whole attitude expressive of unutterable + consternation, and even fright. At last when she had gazed until it was no + longer possible for her to think that she was the victim of madness, she + stared suddenly up into the air, and caught her forehead in her hands, at + the same time whispering to herself in an almost fainting voice: “Great + heaven, what can it mean? Can it be real—can it be true? <i>It is + Arthur!</i>” + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2HCH0017" id="link2HCH0017"> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + CHAPTER IV + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + I am Merlin + And I am dying, + “I am Merlin, + Who follow the Gleam.” + </pre> + <p> + Helen stood gazing at the figure in utter consternation for at least half + a minute before she could find voice; then she bent forward and called to + him wildly—“Arthur!” + </p> + <p> + It was the other's turn to be startled then, and he staggered backward; as + he gazed up at Helen his look showed plainly that he too was half + convinced that he was gazing at a phantom of his own mind, and for a long + time he stood, pressing his hands to his heart and unable to make a sound + or a movement. When finally he broke the silence his voice was a hoarse + whisper. “Helen,” he panted, “what in heaven's name are you doing here?” + </p> + <p> + And then as the girl answered, “This is my home, Arthur,” he gave another + start. + </p> + <p> + “You live here with him?” he gasped. + </p> + <p> + “With him?” echoed Helen in a low voice. “With whom, Arthur?” + </p> + <p> + He answered, “With that Mr. Harrison.” A look of amazement crossed Helen's + face, tho followed quickly by a gleam of comprehension. She had quite + forgotten that Arthur knew nothing about what she had done. + </p> + <p> + “Arthur,” she said, “I did not marry Mr. Harrison;” then, seeing that he + was staring at her in still greater wonder, she went on hastily: “It seems + strange to go back to those old days now; but once I meant to tell you all + about it, Arthur.” She paused for a moment and then went on slowly: “All + the time I was engaged to that man I was wretched; and when I saw you the + last time—that dreadful time by the road—it was almost more + than I could bear; so I took back my wicked promise of marriage and came + to see you and tell you all about it.” + </p> + <p> + As the girl had been speaking the other had been staring at her with a + look upon his face that was indescribable, a look that was more terror + than anything else; he had staggered back, he grasped at a tree to support + himself. Helen saw the look and stopped, frightened herself. + </p> + <p> + “What is it, Arthur?” she cried; “what is the matter?” + </p> + <p> + “You came to see me!” the other gasped hoarsely. “You came to see me—and + I—and I was gone!” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, Arthur,” said Helen; “you had gone the night before, and I could not + find you. Then I met this man that I loved, and you wrote that you had + torn the thought of me from your heart; and so—-” + </p> + <p> + Again Helen stopped, for the man had sunk backwards with a cry that made + her heart leap in fright. “Arthur!” she exclaimed, taking a step towards + him; and he answered her with a moan, stretching out his arms to her. + “Great God, Helen, that letter was a lie!” + </p> + <p> + Helen stopped, rooted to the spot. “A lie?” she whispered faintly. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, a lie!” cried the other with a sudden burst of emotion, leaping up + and starting towards her. “Helen, I have suffered the tortures of hell! I + loved you—I love you now!” + </p> + <p> + The girl sprang back, and the blood rushed to her cheeks. Half + instinctively she drew her light dress more tightly about her; and the + other saw the motion and stopped, a look of despair crossing his face. The + two stood thus for fully a minute, staring at each other wildly; then + suddenly Arthur asked: “You love this man whom you have married? You love + him?” + </p> + <p> + The girl answered, “Yes, I love him,” and Arthur's arms dropped, and his + head sank forward. There was a look upon his face that tore Helen's heart + to see, so that for a moment or two she stood quite dazed with this new + terror. Then all at once, however, the old one came back to her thoughts, + and with a faint cry she started toward her old friend, stretching out her + arms to him and calling to him imploringly. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, Arthur,” she cried, “have mercy upon me—do not frighten me any + more! Arthur, if you only knew what I have suffered, you would pity me, + you could not help it! You would not fling this burden of your misery upon + me too.” + </p> + <p> + The man fixed his eyes upon her and for the first time he seemed to become + aware of the new Helen, the Helen who had replaced the girl he had known. + He read in her ghastly white face some hint of what she had been through, + and his own look turned quickly to one of wonder, and even awe. “Helen,” + he whispered, “are you ill?” + </p> + <p> + “No, Arthur,” she responded quickly, full of desperate hope as she saw his + change. “Not ill, but oh, so frightened. I have been more wretched than + you can ever dream. Can you not help me, Arthur, will you not? I was + almost despairing, I thought that my heart would burst. Can you not be + unselfish?” + </p> + <p> + The man gazed at her at least a minute; and when he answered at last, it + was in a low, grave voice that was new to her. + </p> + <p> + “I will do it, Helen,” he said. “What is it?” + </p> + <p> + The girl came toward him, her voice sinking. “We must not let him hear us, + Arthur,” she whispered. Then as she gazed into his face she added + pathetically, “Oh, I cannot tell you how I have wished that I might only + have someone to sympathize with me and help me! I can tell everything to + you, Arthur.” + </p> + <p> + “You are not happy with your husband?” asked the other, in a wondering + tone, not able to guess what she meant. + </p> + <p> + “Happy!” echoed Helen. “Arthur, he is ill, and I have been so terrified! I + feared that he was going to die; we have had such a dreadful sorrow.” She + paused for a moment, and gazed about her swiftly, and laying her finger + upon her lips. “He is asleep now,” she went on, “asleep for the first time + in three nights, and I was afraid that we might waken him; we must not + make a sound, for it is so dreadful.” + </p> + <p> + She stopped, and the other asked her what was the matter. “It was three + nights ago,” she continued, “and oh, we were so happy before it! But there + came a strange woman, a fearful creature, and she was drunk, and my + husband found her and brought her home. She was delirious, she died here + in his arms, while there was no one to help her. The dreadful thing was + that David had known this woman when she was a girl—” + </p> + <p> + Helen paused again, and caught her breath, for she had been speaking very + swiftly, shaken by the memory of the scene; the other put in, in a low + tone, “I heard all about this woman's death, Helen, and I know about her—that + was how I happen to be here.” + </p> + <p> + And the girl gave a start, echoing, “Why you happen to be here?” + Afterwards she added quickly, “Oh, I forgot to ask you about that. What do + you mean, Arthur?” + </p> + <p> + He hesitated a moment before he answered her, speaking very slowly. “It is + so sad, Helen,” he said, “it is almost too cruel to talk about.” He + stopped again, and the girl looked at him, wondering; then he went on to + speak one sentence that struck her like a bolt of lightning from the sky:—“Helen, + that poor woman was my mother!” + </p> + <p> + And Helen staggered back, almost falling, clutching her hands to her + forehead, and staring, half dazed. + </p> + <p> + “Arthur,” she panted, “Arthur!” + </p> + <p> + He bowed his head sadly, answering, “Yes, Helen, it is dreadful—” + </p> + <p> + And the girl leaped towards him, seizing him by the shoulders with a + thrilling cry; she stared into his eyes, her own glowing like fire. + “Arthur!” she gasped again, “Arthur!” + </p> + <p> + He only looked at her wonderingly, as if thinking she was mad; until + suddenly she burst out frantically, “You are David's child! You are + David's child!” And then for fully half a minute the two stood staring at + each other, too much dazed to move or to make a sound. + </p> + <p> + At last Arthur echoed the words, scarcely audibly, “David's child!” and + added, “David is your husband?” As Helen whispered “Yes” again, they stood + panting for breath. It was a long time before the girl could find another + word to speak, except over and over, “David's child!” She seemed unable to + realize quite what it meant, she seemed unable to put the facts together. + </p> + <p> + But then suddenly Arthur whispered: “Then it was your husband who ruined + that woman?” and as Helen answered “Yes,” she grasped a little of the + truth, and also of Arthur's thought. She ran on swiftly: “But oh, it was + not his fault, he was only a boy, Arthur! And he wished to marry her, but + they would not let him—I must tell you about that!” Then she stopped + short, however; and when she went on it was in sudden wild joy that + overcame all her other feelings, joy that gleamed in her face and made her + fling herself down upon her knees before Arthur and clutch his hands in + hers. + </p> + <p> + “Oh,” she cried, “it was God who sent you, Arthur,—oh, I know that + it was God! It is so wonderful to think of—to have come to us all in + a flash! And it will save David's life—it was the thought of the + child and the fate that it might have suffered that terrified him most of + all, Arthur. And now to think that it is you—oh, you! And you are + David's son—I cannot believe it, I cannot believe it!” Then with a + wild laugh she sprang up again and turned, exclaiming, “Oh, he will be so + happy,—I must tell him—we must not lose an instant!” + </p> + <p> + She caught Arthur's hand again, and started towards the house; but she had + not taken half a dozen steps before she halted suddenly, and whispered, + “Oh, no, I forgot! He is asleep, and we must not waken him now, we must + wait!” + </p> + <p> + And then again the laughter broke out over her face, and she turned upon + him, radiant. “It is so wonderful!” she cried. “It is so wonderful to be + happy, to be free once more! And after so much darkness—oh, it is + like coming out of prison! Arthur, dear Arthur, just think of it! And + David will be so glad!” The tears started into the girl's eyes; she turned + away to gaze about her at the golden morning and to drink in great + draughts of its freshness that made her bosom heave. The life seemed to + have leaped back into her face all at once, and the color into her cheeks, + and she was more beautiful than ever. “To think of being happy!” she + panted, “happy again! Oh, if I were not afraid of waking David, you do not + know how happy I could be! Don't you think I ought to waken him anyway, + Arthur?—it is so wonderful—it will make him strong again! It + is so beautiful that you, whom I have always been so fond of, that you + should be David's son! And you can live here and be happy with us! Arthur, + do you know I used to think how much like David you looked, and wonder at + it; but, oh, are you sure it is true?” + </p> + <p> + She chanced to think of the letter that had been left at her father's, and + exclaimed, “It must have been that! You have been home, Arthur?” she added + quickly. “And while father was up here?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” said he, “I wanted to see your father—I could not stay away + from home any longer. I was so very lonely and unhappy—” Arthur + stopped for a moment, and the girl paled slightly; as he saw it he + continued rapidly: “There was no one there but the servant, and she gave + me the letter.” + </p> + <p> + “And did she not tell you about me?” asked Helen. + </p> + <p> + “I asked if you were married,” Arthur said; “I would not listen to any + more, for I could not bear it; when I had read the letter I came up here + to look for my poor mother. I wanted to see her; I was as lonely as she + ever was, and I wanted someone's sympathy—even that poor, beaten + soul's. I heard in the town that she was dead; they told me where the + grave was, and that was how I happened out here. I thought I would see it + once before I left, and before the people who lived in this house were + awake. Helen, when I saw <i>you</i> I thought it was a ghost.” + </p> + <p> + “It is wonderful, Arthur,” whispered the girl; “it is almost too much to + believe—but, oh, I can't think of anything except how happy it will + make David! I love him so, Arthur—and you will love him, too, you + cannot help but love him.” + </p> + <p> + “Tell me about it all, Helen,” the other answered; “I heard nothing, you + know, about my poor mother's story.” + </p> + <p> + Before Helen answered the question she glanced about her at the morning + landscape, and for the first time thought of the fact that it was cold. + “Let us go inside,” she said; “we can sit there and talk until David + wakens.” And the two stole in, Helen opening the door very softly. David + was sleeping in the next room, so that it was possible not to disturb him; + the two sat down before the flickering fire and conversed in low whispers. + The girl told him the story of David's love, and told him all about David, + and Arthur in turn told her how he had been living in the meantime; only + because he saw how suddenly happy she was, and withal how nervous and + overwrought, he said no more of his sufferings. + </p> + <p> + And Helen had forgotten them utterly; it was pathetic to see her delight + as she thought of being freed from the fearful terror that had haunted + her,—she was like a little child in her relief. “He will be so happy—he + will be so happy!” she whispered again and again. “We can all be so + happy!” The thought that Arthur was actually David's son was so wonderful + that she seemed never to be able to realize it fully, and every time she + uttered the thought it was a sweep of the wings of her soul. Arthur had to + tell her many times that it was actually Mary who had been named in that + letter. + </p> + <p> + So an hour or two passed by, and still David did not waken. Helen had + crept to the door once or twice to listen to his quiet breathing; but each + time, thinking of his long trial, she had whispered that she could not + bear to disturb him yet. However, she was getting more and more impatient, + and she asked Arthur again and again, “Don't you think I ought to wake him + now, don't you think so—even if it is just for a minute, you know? + For oh, he will be so glad—it will be like waking up in heaven!” + </p> + <p> + So it went on until at last she could keep the secret no longer; she + thought for a while, and then whispered, “I know what I will do—I + will play some music and waken him in that way. That will not alarm him, + and it will be beautiful.” + </p> + <p> + She went to the piano and sat down. “It will seem queer to be playing + music at this hour,” she whispered; but then she glanced at the clock and + saw that it was nearly seven, and added, “Why, no, we have often begun by + this time. You know, Arthur, we used to get up wonderfully early all + summer, because it was so beautiful then, and we used to have music at all + sorts of times. Oh, you cannot dream how happy we were,—you must + wait until you see David, and then you will know why I love him so!” + </p> + <p> + She stopped and sat thoughtfully for a moment whispering, “What shall I + play?” Then she exclaimed, “I know, Arthur; I will play something that he + loves very much—and that you used to love, too—something that + is very soft and low and beautiful.” + </p> + <p> + Arthur had seated himself beside the piano and was gazing at her; the girl + sat still for a moment more, gazing ahead of her and waiting for + everything to be hushed. Then she began, so low as scarcely to be audible, + the first movement of the wonderful “Moonlight Sonata.” + </p> + <p> + As it stole upon the air and swelled louder, she smiled, because it was so + beautiful a way to waken David. + </p> + <p> + And yet there are few things in music more laden with concentrated + mournfulness than that sonata—with the woe that is too deep for + tears; as the solemn beating of it continued, in spite of themselves the + two found that they were hushed and silent. It brought back to Helen's + mind all of David's suffering—it seemed to be the very breathing of + his sorrow; and yet still she whispered on to herself, “He will waken; and + then he will be happy!” + </p> + <p> + In the next room David lay sleeping. At first it had been heavily, because + he was exhausted, and afterwards, when the stupor had passed, restlessly + and with pain. Then at last came the music, falling softly at first and + blending with his dreaming, and afterwards taking him by the hand and + leading him out into the land of reality, until he found himself lying and + listening to it. As he recollected all that had happened he gave a slight + start and sat up, wondering at the strangeness of Helen's playing then. He + raised his head, and then rose to call her. + </p> + <p> + And at that instant came the blow. + </p> + <p> + The man suddenly gave a fearful start; he staggered back upon the sofa, + clutching at his side with his hand, his face turning white, and a look of + wild horror coming over it. For an instant he held himself up by the sofa, + staring around him; and then he sank back, half upon the floor, his head + falling backwards. And so he lay gasping, torn with agony, while the + fearful music trod on, the relentless throbbing of it like a hammer upon + his soul. Twice he strove to raise himself and failed; and twice he + started to cry out, and checked himself in terror; and so it went on until + the place of despair was reached, until there came that one note in the + music that is the plunge into night. Helen stopped suddenly there, and + everything was deathly still—except for the fearful heaving of + David's bosom. + </p> + <p> + That silence lasted for several moments; Helen seemed to be waiting and + listening, and David's whole being was in suspense. Then suddenly he gave + a start, for he heard the girl coming to the door. + </p> + <p> + With a gasp of dread he half raised himself, grasping the sofa with his + knotted hands. He slid down, half crawling and half falling, into the + corner, where he crouched, breathless and shuddering; so he was when Helen + came into the room. + </p> + <p> + She did not see him on the sofa, and she gave a startled cry. She wheeled + about and gazed around the room. “Where can he be?” she exclaimed. “He is + not here!” and ran out to the piazza. Then came a still more anxious call: + “David! David! Where are you?” + </p> + <p> + And in the meantime David was still crouching in the corner, his face + uplifted and torn with agony. He gave one fearful sob, and then he sank + forward; drawing himself by the sheer force of his arms he crawled again + into sight, and lay clinging to the sofa. Then he gave a faint gasping + cry, “Helen!” + </p> + <p> + And the girl heard it, and rushed to the door; she gave one glance at the + prostrate form and at the white face, and then leaped forward with a + shrill scream, a scream that echoed through the little house, and that + froze Arthur's blood. She flung herself down on her knees beside her + husband, crying “David! David!” And the man looked up at her with his + ghastly face and his look of terror, and panted, “Helen—Helen, it + has come!” + </p> + <p> + She screamed again more wildly than before, and caught him to her bosom in + frenzy. “No, no, David! No, no!” she cried out; but he only whispered + hoarsely again, “It has come!” + </p> + <p> + Meanwhile Arthur had rushed into the room, and the two lifted the sufferer + up to the sofa, where he sank back and lay for a moment or two, half + dazed; then, in answer to poor Helen's agonized pleading, he gazed at her + once more. + </p> + <p> + “David, David!” she sobbed, choking; “listen to me; it cannot be, David, + no, no! And see, here is Arthur—Arthur! And David—he is your + son, he is Mary's child!” + </p> + <p> + The man gave a faint start and looked at her in bewilderment; then as she + repeated the words again, “He is your son, he is Mary's child,” gradually + a look of wondering realization crossed his countenance, and he turned and + stared up at Arthur. + </p> + <p> + “Is it true?” he whispered hoarsely. “There is no doubt?” + </p> + <p> + Helen answered him “Yes, yes,” again and again, swiftly and desperately, + as if thinking that the joy of it would restore his waning strength. The + thought did bring a wonderful look of peace over David's face, as he gazed + from one to the other and comprehended it all; he caught Arthur's arm in + his trembling hands. “Oh, God be praised,” he whispered, “it is almost too + much. Oh, take care of her—take care of her for me!” + </p> + <p> + The girl flung herself upon his bosom, sobbing madly; and David sank back + and lay for an instant or two with his eyes shut, before at last her + suffering roused him again. He lifted himself up on his elbows with a + fearful effort. “Helen!” he whispered, in a deep, hollow voice; “listen to + me—listen to me!—I have only a minute more to speak.” + </p> + <p> + The girl buried her head in his bosom with another cry, but he shook her + back and caught her by the wrists, at the same time sitting erect, a + strain that made the veins in his temples start out. “Look at me!” he + gasped. “Look at me!” and as the girl stared into his eyes that were alive + with the last frenzied effort of his soul, he went on, speaking with + fierce swiftness and panting for breath between each phrase: + </p> + <p> + “Helen—Helen—listen to me—twenty years I have kept + myself alive on earth by such a struggle—by the power of a will that + would not yield! And now there is but an instant more—an instant—I + cannot bear it—except to save your soul! For I am going—do you + hear me—going! And you must stay,—and you have the battle for + your life to fight! Listen to me—look into my eyes,—for you + must call up your powers—<i>now</i>—now before it is too late! + You cannot shirk it—do you hear me? It is here!” + </p> + <p> + And as the man was speaking the frenzied words the look of a tiger had + come into his face; his eyes were starting from his head, and he held + Helen's wrists in a grip that turned them black, tho then she did not feel + the pain. She was gazing into his face, convulsed with fright; and the man + gasped for breath once more, and then rushed on: + </p> + <p> + “A fight like this conies once to a soul, Helen—and it wins or it + loses—and you must win! Do you hear me?—<i>Win!</i> I am + dying, Helen, I am going—and I leave you to God, and to life. He is, + He made you, and He demands your worship and your faith—that you + hold your soul lord of all chances, that you make yourself master of your + life! And now is your call—now! You clench your hands and you pray—it + tears your heart-strings, and it bursts your brain—but you say that + you will—that you will—that you <i>will!</i> Oh, God, that I + have left you so helpless—that I did not show you the peril of your + soul! For you <i>must</i> win—oh, if I could but find a word for + you! For you stand upon the brink of ruin, and you have but an instant—but + an instant to save yourself—to call up the vision of your faith + before you, and tho the effort kill you, not to let it go! Girl, if you + fail, no power of earth or heaven can save you from despair! And oh, have + I lived with you for nothing—showed you no faith—given you no + power? Helen, save me—have mercy upon me, I cannot stand this, and I + dare not—I dare not die!” + </p> + <p> + The man was leaning forward, gazing into the girl's face, his own + countenance fearful to see. “I could die,” he gasped; “I could die with a + song—He has shown me His face—and He is good! But I dare not + leave you—you—and I am going! Helen! Helen!” + </p> + <p> + The man's fearful force seemed to have been acting upon the girl like + magnetism, for tho the look of wild suffering had not left her face, she + had raised herself and was staring into his burning eyes; then suddenly, + with an effort that shook her frame she clenched her hands and gave a gasp + for breath, and panted, scarcely audibly: “What—can—I—do?” + </p> + <p> + David's head had sunk, but he mastered himself once more; and he + whispered, “I leave you to God—I leave you to life! You can be a + soul,—you can win—you <i>must</i> win, you must <i>live</i>—and + worship—and rejoice! You must kneel here—here, while I am + going, never more to return; and you must know that you can never see me + again, that I shall no longer exist; and you must cling to your faith in + the God who made you, and praise Him for all that He does! And you will + not shed a tear—not a tear!” + </p> + <p> + And his grip tightened yet more desperately; he stared in one last wild + appeal, and gasped again, “Promise me—not a tear!” + </p> + <p> + And again the throbbing force of his soul roused the girl; she could not + speak, she was choking; but she gave a sign of assent, and then all at + once David's fearful hold relaxed. He gave one look more, one that stamped + itself upon Helen's soul forever by its fearful intensity of yearning; and + after it he breathed a sigh that seemed to pant out the last mite of + strength in his frame, and sank backwards upon the sofa, with Helen still + clinging to him. + </p> + <p> + There for an instant or two he lay, breathing feebly; and the girl heard a + faint whisper again—“Not a tear—not a tear!” He opened his + eyes once more and gazed at her dimly, and then a slight trembling shook + his frame. His chest heaved once more and sank, and after it everything + was still. + </p> + <p> + For an instant Helen stared at him, dazed; then she clutched him by the + shoulders, whispering hoarsely-then calling louder and louder in frenzied + terror, “David, David!” He gave no answer, and with a cry that was fearful + to hear the girl clutched him to her. The body was limp and lifeless—the + head fell forward as if the neck were broken; and Helen staggered backward + with a scream. + </p> + <p> + There came an instant of fierce agony then; she stood in the center of the + room, reeling and swaying, clutching her head in her hands, her face + upturned and tortured. And first she gasped, “He is dead!” and then “I + shall not ever see him again!” And she choked and swallowed a lump in her + throat, whispering in awful terror, “Not a tear—not a tear!” And + then she flung up her arms and sank forward with an incoherent cry, and + fell senseless into Arthur's arms. + </p> + <p> + A week had passed since David's death; and Helen was in her father's home + once more, sitting by the window in the gathering twilight. She was yery + pale, and her eyes were sunken and hollow; but the beauty of her face was + still there, tho in a strange and terrible way. Her hand was resting upon + Arthur's, and she was gazing into his eyes and speaking in a deep, solemn + voice. + </p> + <p> + “It will not ever leave me, Arthur, I know it will not ever leave me; it + is like a fearful vision that haunts me night and day, a voice that cries + out in my soul and will not let me rest; and I know I shall never again be + able to live like other people, never be free from its madness. For oh, I + do not think it is often that a human soul sees what I saw—he seemed + to drag me out into the land of death with him, into the very + dwelling-place of God. And I almost went with him, Arthur, almost! Can you + dream what I suffered—have you any idea of what it means to a human + being to make such an effort? I loved that man as if he had been my own + soul; I was bound to him so that he was all my life, and to have him go + was like tearing my heart in two; and he had told me that I should never + see him again, that there was nothing to look for beyond death. And yet, + Arthur, I won—do you ever realize it?—I won. It seemed to me + as if the earth were reeling about me—as if the very air I breathed + were fire; and oh, I thought that he was dead—that he was gone from + me forever, and I believed that I was going mad! And then, Arthur, those + awful words of his came ringing through my mind, 'Not a tear, not a tear!' + I had no faith, I could see nothing but that the world was black with + horror; and yet I heard those words! It was love—it was even fear, I + think, that held me to it; I had worshiped his sacredness, I had given all + my soul to the wonder of his soul; and I dared not be false to him—I + dared not dishonor him,—and I knew that he had told me that grief + was a crime, that there was truth in the world that I might cling to. And + oh, Arthur, I won it—I won it! I kept the faith—David's faith; + and it is still alive upon the earth. It seems to me almost as if I had + won his soul from death—as if I had saved his spirit in mine-as if I + could still rejoice in his life, still have his power and his love; and + there is a kind of fearful consecration in my heart, a glory that I am + afraid to know of, as if God's hand had been laid upon me. + </p> + <p> + “David used to tell me, Arthur, that if only that power is roused in a + soul, if only it dwells in that sacredness, there can no longer be fear or + evil in its life; that the strife and the vanity and the misery in this + cruel world about us come from nothing else but that men do not know this + vision, that it is so hard—so dreadfully hard—to win. And he + used to say that this power is infinite, that it depends only upon how + much one wants it; and that he who possessed it had the gift of King + Midas, and turned all things that he touched to gold. That is real madness + to me, Arthur, and will not let me be still; and yet I know that it cannot + ever die in me; for whenever there is an instant's weakness there flashes + over me again the fearful thought of David, that he is gone back into + nothingness, that nowhere can I ever see him, ever hear his voice or speak + to him again,-that I am alone-alone! And that makes me clench my hands and + nerve my soul, and fight again, and still again! Arthur, I did that for + days, and did not once know why-only because David had told me to, because + I was filled with a fearful terror of proving a coward soul, because I had + heard him say that if one only held the faith and prayed, the word would + come to him at last. And it was true—it was true, Arthur; it was + like the tearing apart of the skies, it was as if I had rent my way + through them. I saw, as I had never dreamed I could see when I heard David + speak of it, how God's Presence is infinite and real; how it guides the + blazing stars, and how our life is but an instant and is nothing beside + it; and how it makes no difference that we pass into nothingness—His + glory is still the same. Then I saw too what a victory I had won, Arthur,—how + I could live in it, and how I was free, and master of my life; there came + over me a feeling for which there is no word, a kind of demon force that + was madness. I thought of that wonderful sixth chapter of Isaiah that + David used to think so much beyond reading, that he used to call the + artist's chapter; and oh, I knew just what it was that I had to do in the + world!” + </p> + <p> + Helen had been speaking very intensely, her voice shaking; the other's + gaze was riveted upon her face. “Arthur,” she added, her voice sinking to + a whisper, “I have no art, but you have; and we must fight together for + this fearful glory, we must win this prize of God.” And for a long time + the two sat in silence, trembling, while the darkness gathered about them. + Helen had turned her head, and gazed out, with face uplifted, at the + starry shield that quivered and shook above them; suddenly Arthur saw her + lips moving again, and heard her speaking the wonderful words that she had + referred to,—her voice growing more and more intense, and sinking + into a whisper of awe:— + </p> + <p> + “In the year that King Uzziah died I saw also the Lord sitting upon a + throne, high and lifted up, and his train filled the temple. + </p> + <p> + “Above it stood the seraphims: each one had six wings; with twain he + covered his face, and with twain he covered his feet, and with twain he + did fly. + </p> + <p> + “And one cried unto another, and said, Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord of + hosts: the whole earth is full of his glory. + </p> + <p> + “And the posts of the door moved at the voice of him that cried, and the + house was filled with smoke. + </p> + <p> + “Then said I, Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean + lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes + have seen the King, the Lord of hosts. + </p> + <p> + “Then flew one of the seraphims unto me, having a living coal in his hand, + which he had taken with the tongs from off the altar: + </p> + <p> + “And he laid it upon my mouth, and said, Lo, this hath touched thy lips; + and thine iniquity is taken away, and thy sin purged. + </p> + <p> + “Also I heard the Voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who + will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me.” + </p> + <h3> + THE END + </h3> + <div style="height: 6em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of King Midas, by Upton Sinclair + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK KING MIDAS *** + +***** This file should be named 4923-h.htm or 4923-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/4/9/2/4923/ + + +Text file produced by Charles Aldarondo + +HTML file produced by David Widger + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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