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diff --git a/44982-0.txt b/44982-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d692fb4 --- /dev/null +++ b/44982-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11564 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 44982 *** + +Note: Images of the original pages are available through + Internet Archive. See + https://archive.org/details/ladylilith00mckeiala + + + + + +The Sensationalists: I + +LADY LILITH + +by + +STEPHEN McKENNA + + + * * * * * * + +BY STEPHEN McKENNA + +THE SENSATIONALISTS +PART ONE: LADY LILITH +PARTS TWO AND THREE: _In preparation_ + +SONIA MARRIED + +SONIA + +MIDAS AND SON + +NINETY-SIX HOURS' LEAVE + +THE SIXTH SENSE + +SHEILA INTERVENES + + +NEW YORK +GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY + + * * * * * * + + +LADY LILITH + +by + +STEPHEN McKENNA + +Author of "Sheila Intervenes," "Midas and Son," "Sonia," "Sonia +Married," "Ninety-Six Hours' Leave," etc. + + + + + + + +[Illustration: Logo] + +New York +George H. Doran Company + +Copyright, 1920, +By George H. Doran Company + +Printed in the United States of America + + + + +TO MY MOTHER +AND +THE MEMORY OF MY FATHER + + + + +CONTENTS + + +CHAPTER PAGE + I THE DEATH OF THE PHOENIX 9 + + II THE COMING OF LILITH 34 + + III THE SPIRIT OF PAN 58 + + IV APHRODITE DEMI-MONDAINE 79 + + V NOBODY'S FAULT 107 + + VI THE SHADOW LINE 124 + + VII A MATTER OF DUTY 141 + +VIII A MATTER OF PLEASURE 161 + + IX THE JUDGEMENT OF SOLOMON 177 + + X VINDICATION 198 + + XI THE LAUREL AND THE ROSE 217 + + XII AN ERROR OF JUDGEMENT 230 + +XIII A NOTE OF INTERROGATION 257 + + XIV THE ANSWER OF THE ORACLE 277 + + XV PRELUDE TO ROMANCE 294 + + + + +LADY LILITH + + +"I became the spendthrift of my own genius, and to waste an eternal +youth gave me a curious joy. Tired of being on the heights, I +deliberately went to the depths in the search for new sensation ... I +grew careless of the lives of others. I took pleasure where it pleased +me, and passed on. I forgot that every little action of the common day +makes or unmakes character...." + +OSCAR WILDE: _De Profundis_. + + + + +LADY LILITH + + + + +CHAPTER ONE + +THE DEATH OF THE PHOENIX + + "Conceive of your life as an unfinished biography, and try to + discover the next chapter and the end." + + J. A. SPENDER: "THE COMMENTS OF BAGSHOT." + + +"Within ten years five of us will be married and five will be dead," +cried O'Rane, writing rapidly. "(Every one of us will have made such a +fool of himself that it's _wishing_ himself dead he'll be.) One will +have had to cut the country. One will have lost all his money. As you +seem to like jam with your powder, I've said that one--and not +more--will achieve fame--by the mercy of God; one--and not more--will +make great money." + +The prophecy, delivered with apparent sincerity in the mellow atmosphere +of dinner to a score of men between the optimistic ages of twenty and +twenty-five, was, on the face of it, discouraging. He who achieved fame +and he who amassed a fortune were condemned, with the rest, to pass +through the contemplation of suicide or, at least, the prayerful +expectation of death. And the moment for the forecast was undoubtedly +ill-chosen. Seventeen of the twenty members of the Phoenix had spent the +last week wrestling with examiners in their final schools; O'Rane spoke +with the subconscious triumph of one who was not bidding farewell to +Oxford for another year; and, if a vote had been taken, nine-tenths of +his friends would have accorded him the scant portion of worldly +success with which Providence in his grudging prophecy would crown their +ambitions. + +"Dry up, Raney," growled Jack Waring. "It's all very well for you----" + +"It's a twenty-to-one chance I'm giving you," O'Rane pointed out. "You +might bring off the double event. And get a wife thrown in. It would be +no fun, if we all leaped to the top. 'When everybody's somebody, then no +one's anybody.'" + +Waring jumped up and turned to the president. + +"I have to report Mr. O'Rane for singing at dinner, sir. A good, +thumping fine, Sinks," he added. + +Jack Summertown intercepted the ruling. + +"On a point of order, sir; was that singing? If it was--oh, my Lord!" + +Sinclair rose majestically from the presidential chair and turned his +eyes from one disputant to the other. + +"The accused is acquitted, but he's not to do it again," he ruled +diplomatically. "I have to censure Lord Summertown for addressing the +Chair without rising." + +Ten suspended conversations were resumed, as he sat down; and Waring +reverted to his own gloomy thoughts. Unaccustomed to look more than a +day ahead, he was only beginning to recognize that in twenty-four hours +he would have gone down from Oxford for the last time and that within +four months he would have to begin reading for the bar. He had +interrupted his dressing an hour before to stare out of the window, +sprawling on the sill and dangling a collar and tie with idle hand. + +Outside, the setting sun of a late June day filled the Broad with sleepy +warmth and dyed the crumbling stone of the Sheldonian rose-red. In the +middle of the road two cabmen slumbered on their boxes, pillowing their +heads on their arms and leaving their horses to munch contentedly from +frayed nosebags and to twitch an ear or flick a tail at too persistent +flies. Rare groups of sight-seers approached the deserted gates of +Trinity and Balliol, sought inspiration from guide-books and vanished +diffidently from view. Oxford belonged to the ages; and for the first +twenty-fifth part of the twentieth century Waring had fancied that it +belonged to him. A hansom, overfilled by an American and her two +daughters, jingled lazily from Holywell; the driver exhibited a contempt +for Oxford no less profound than for America and waved his whip from +side to side in rough time with the scornful scraps of information which +he drawled through the trap. + +"Ol' Clar'nd'n Buildin'. Bodleian be'ind it. Trin'ty. Balliol." + +Three heads nodded and turned mechanically from right to left. The +driver paused for new instructions, and an anxious voice from inside +exclaimed: + +"Gracious! it's a quarter of seven! Say, how many blocks are we from the +depot?" + +The high nasal intonation seemed to shiver the warm repose of the +afternoon, and in another moment the Broad was echoing with life. A +stream of bicycles poured down Parks Road; blazers of every colour +flashed into sight and disappeared; men bareheaded and men in panamas, +men with tennis racquets and men with dogs, men in flannels and men in +tweeds, a few, even, still in white ties and coats of subfusc hue, +parading the bondage of the Examination Schools, all hurried back to +make ready for Hall. Oxford still belonged to them. At the gates of the +colleges, deserted a moment since, the heirs of all the undergraduate +ages assembled in careless disregard of their heritage; the last +bicycles were tumbled into place; the last rainbow blazers and +hat-ribbons vanished from sight; pipes were replaced in pockets, and +necks bared from the dingy embrace of tattered gowns. + +With a glance at the watch on his dressing-table, Jack Waring twisted +himself to catch the reflection of his bottle-green dress-coat. It was +the envied livery of the Phoenix Club, which--consistently with its +name--died and came to life again once a year. At the end of every +summer term not more than one survivor remained; the following +Michaelmas the new president proposed and elected his own friends, +choosing one junior to carry on the life and traditions of the club at +the year's end. The institution had ensured for nearly two university +generations and was the one constructive effort of Lord Loring's life at +Oxford. With the grave self-absorption of nineteen he had demanded a +club to which none but his own friends had access and of which he could +nominate himself president and ordain the rules as he went on. He had +long wanted a pretext, he explained in his inaugural address, for +wearing a bottle-green dress-coat with brass buttons and white silk +facings; and his position as founder of the club would give him an +excuse for revisiting Oxford at the end of his lawful term. + +A faint frown of regret and perplexity hovered over Jack Waring's plump +and cheerful face, as he resumed his dressing. He had no fault to find +with Oxford, where he had done more than most men and all that could be +expected of any man. A case full of silver cups testified to his success +in college and university Grinds; he had been Master of the Drag and a +member of the Bullingdon; less than three days before he had shewn his +versatility by proceeding, without the ostentation of an Honour School, +to the degree of Bachelor of Arts. Colonel Waring had urged him to enjoy +himself, and the four years had passed very satisfactorily. + +"Eric!" + +"Hullo! Are you ready?" + +The door was kicked open, and Eric Lane sauntered in and inspected his +own clothes by the revealing light of the afternoon sun. He also was +frowning, for the sense of departure was heavy upon him too, and the +papers that day had not been to his liking. + +"Our final dissipation!" cried Jack, seizing him by the arm and +clattering down the narrow staircase into the Turl. "I say, Eric, I +don't half like the idea of not coming up next term; I was just +beginning to find my way about this place. There you see Lincoln. Here +we have Jaggers. I've never been inside Jaggers. Shall we make up a +party and go to-morrow?" + +A knot of Jesus men glared with the dumb fury which the small nations of +the world feel towards the Great Powers. A sing-song Welsh voice +commented devastatingly on the vanity of bottle-green dress-coats and +their wearers. + +"I can't go after _that_," murmured Jack with dignity. "Never imagined +they understood English. Ought I to go back and apologize?" He stopped +short in front of a haberdasher's shop and nodded gravely at the +seductive window. Club colours and college colours contended and clashed +with giant brown and yellow silk handkerchiefs adorned with white +bulldogs. "We might buy them a peace-offering." + +"I always wonder why you're not more disliked than you are," mused Eric. + +"People only dislike me until I've given them time to see that I'm right +and they're wrong," explained Jack complacently. "I was very unpopular +at New College my first term. They wanted me to row--just because I'd +rowed at Eton. You can't row _and_ hunt. I never did any of the things +they wanted; the people here are such sheep. Did I ever tell you that +the rowing push came to rag my rooms just because I chose to dress for +Hall? They said it was 'side.' Unfortunately, their spokesman was drunk, +so I had to ask him to leave. It's such bad form to drink more than you +can carry. Now any number of men dress for Hall. Sheep, just sheep. I +think the reason you and I get on so well together is that you don't try +to lead my life for me." + +"Oh, I'm used to you," Eric interrupted. "Ever since I can remember, +you've sat still and let every one else revolve round you. Your people, +Agnes, me----" + +Jack smiled at his reflection in the window. Though his +self-satisfaction annoyed women and older men, no one could remain +impatient with him for long. He was always too good-tempered to provide +sport and too sure of himself to mind criticism. The man who is content +to do nothing starts, too, with an advantage over the man who not only +wants something done but would like it done in his own way. In childhood +the threat that he would not be taken to a party unless he behaved +himself well had only once been used against Jack; his mother found +afterwards that he had genuinely enjoyed himself more at home; and ever +since he had won his own way by studied inertia. + +"You're so efficient!" he explained. "I should never have got through my +schools but for you. And you pack so well. By the way, you've looked out +the trains for to-morrow, haven't you? And arranged with Agnes for a +cart to meet me? I hate writing letters.... Shall we dig together in +London? If you'll find some decent rooms and a man to look after +us--Agnes will help you choose the furniture--and if you'll make +everything shipshape and comfortable, I'm hanged if I don't come and +live with you! There!" + +Eric held out his hand with affected emotion. + +"That's uncommon good of you! I thought you'd want me to choose some one +to live with me in your place." + +"I wish you'd find somebody to go to the bar in my place," murmured Jack +with a momentary return of his earlier gloom. "Can't _you_? The exams +are quite easy for a man of your powerful intellect, and you only have +to eat a few dinners and get called. _I_ should live at Lashmar as the +simple, old English country gentleman.... Hullo! we're late! You'll see +about paying the fine, won't you?" + +They crossed the High to a chorus of welcome flung at them from a +first-floor window over a pastry-cook's shop. Two sleek heads protruded +over the cushions in one tier, with three more, less lovingly cemented, +in the background. + +"Hurry up, Spurs," shouted the president. + +The name, applied jointly and severally to the two men, had passed +through ingenious refinements before reaching its present brief clarity. +If Waring's Christian name was Jack, his inseparable companion Lane must +be Jill; if Jack's surname was Waring, Eric's must be Gillow; the home +of the furnishing trade, if not of Waring and Gillow, was Tottenham +Court Road, which readily suggested Tottenham Hotspurs. An unexplained +intellectual craving was at length satisfied when the pair were renamed +"the Spurs." + +After their first term no one shewed the psychological curiosity to +wonder why so incongruous a couple lived together. Though neighbours in +Hampshire, they were from different schools and of different colleges; +the shrewd but consummately indolent Master of the Drag was the arbiter +of taste for sporting, ultra-conservative Oxford--already a personality +and almost a tradition; the fine-drawn scholar of Trinity was a recluse, +a dreamer and a rebel, with ambition corroding the fabric of a too frail +constitution. Outside the Phoenix they had few friends in common, for +Eric's disputatious poets grew silent under the breezy onslaught of a +more robust generation; Jack's intellectual hunger was satisfied by +Surtees, the text-books for his schools, the _Sportsman_ and _Morning +Post_; while Eric, who had divided the first ten years of his life +between his father's library at Lashmar Mill-House and a verandah at +Broadstairs, had read quickly, brooded deeply and taken up an attitude, +sometimes precocious but always clearly defined, towards problems which +as yet did not exist for Jack. On one side, the friendship was founded +on a worship of opposites; Eric never forgot that he had gone friendless +through six years at school because he was forbidden by his doctor to +play games. On the other, Jack found devotion a convenience; he +respected Eric's brains and needed some one to relieve him of minor +exertions and to make up his mind for him. Accordingly, though all the +fourth-year men in the University would have been honoured to live with +him, it was to Eric that he drawled, "By the way, have you arranged to +dig with any one next term? Well, do go and find some decent quarters, +there's a good fellow." + +"Hullo! No fine to pay after all!" cried Jack, as he burst into the club +dining-room and compared the number of covers with the members of the +Phoenix already assembled. "Who's coming, Mr. President?" + +"O'Rane and Deganway haven't turned up yet," answered Sinclair. "I've +just had a wire from Loring to say that he's motoring down with Oakleigh +and they'll probably be late. Summertown and Pentyre you can hear. It's +their idea of music," he added, as a free fight broke out over the piano +in the adjoining room. + +Jack studied the _menu_, inspected the wine on the side-board and +elbowed himself a place in the kneeling row at the open window. An +interrupted conversation struggled back to plans for the Long Vacation +and discussion of the schools. Sinclair, a stocky, simple-minded +sportsman, now pitifully embarrassed by his presidential duties, had +been chosen to play at Lord's for the University and for the Gentlemen; +after that he would tour with the Authentics till the end of the season; +and, until the following season, he would interest himself in the +management of his father's mines in Yorkshire. Knightrider and +Framlingham were destined for the army; Deganway and Pentyre were due to +cram for the Foreign Office; Draycott proposed to study art in Paris; +and Mayhew had forced his way into Fleet Street and the offices of the +"Wicked World." It was a wide dispersal; and all felt that they were +changing a life of proved comfort for something unknown and presumably +less easy. + +"What are you doing, Spurs?" Sinclair asked Eric. + +"I'm not quite sure. My people want me to try for the Civil Service. I +want to have a shot at journalism. You can't _do_ anything in the Civil +Service." + +"Who _wants_ to do anything?" retorted Waring from his window-seat. +"Late as usual, Raney.... I only want money and decent holidays.... +Sounds of a car, furiously driven. You'll have to fine 'em double, Mr. +President, if it's Jim and George; once for being late and once for not +coming in club dress. It is! Two dozen of fizz from each!" + +He withdrew his head from the window as the car came to a standstill. A +moment later Loring entered apologetically in morning dress, fingering +his moustache and smiling with pleasure at the volley of welcome; George +Oakleigh followed, peering with approval at the familiar beams and dingy +panels of the low-ceilinged room; while O'Rane strode across the passage +and brought the free fight to an end by putting the heads of the +disputants into chancery, the president rapped the table and tried to +allot the places. + +"Gentlemen! The toast of the Phoenix will be drunk in silence," he +proclaimed, as every one obstinately seated himself next to his greatest +friend. + +Sinclair waited until the sherry was served and then rose to his feet. +Of the twenty members present only O'Rane was staying up another year: +in obedience to ritual he remained seated in the vice-president's chair. + +"The Phoenix is dead," announced the president. + +"The Phoenix will rise again," answered the vice-president with awful +gravity. Then, as the others sat down, he added reflectively, "'Wonder +where we shall all be in ten years' time? 'Wonder what we shall be +doing? 'Wonder how many of us will be dead?" + +"You can always depend on Raney for an irresistible little note of +cheerfulness," commented Loring, as he pulled in his chair and looked +round to see who was present. + +It was then that O'Rane flung his prophecy at the head of the club. + +"Bah! You know as much about life as a Sunday School teacher!" he +retorted contemptuously, banging his hand on a bell. "Where's the +betting-book? And give me a pen, somebody. Let you mark my words. 'Mr. +David O'Rane bets the Marquess Loring ten sovereigns that within ten +years of this date five out of the twenty members present to-night will +be married. A further ten sovereigns that five will be dead----'" + +"Always the optimist," murmured Oakleigh from Loring's side. + +"I'll bet that every one of us will have made such a fool of himself +that it's _wishing_ himself dead he'll be.... A further ten sovereigns +that one at least will have had to cut the country. A further ten that +one at least will have lost all his money.... I'm only dealing in +averages. Ten years, I said; that's not much for any positive +achievement, but I'll bet a further ten pounds that one--and not more +than one--will have achieved what an independent tribunal considers +fame. A further ten pounds that one of us will make great money----" + +"That's sixty pounds," interposed Sinclair warningly. + +"But I shan't have to pay it," answered O'Rane, writing rapidly. He read +out a summary of the wager and passed the book for Loring to sign. +"Besides, I'm going to be the one who makes all the money. I hope you +won't be one of the five who die, Jim; or I shall have to claim against +your estate and all. Which of us will achieve fame in ten years? +Draycott as an Academician? I don't see it. Spurs as a judge? 'Don't +see it either. The Gander as an ambassador? The other Spurs?" He looked +round the table and went on quickly; half-unconsciously he had decided +that Eric Lane would be the first of the five to die. "I should mark +down Sinks as the first to marry; there's an appealing domesticity about +him. And we shall _all_ make colossal fools of ourselves; don't forget +that! Folly's the great leveller. Jim, I think you'd better give a +dinner once a year to the survivors just to see how we're getting on." + +"If I don't die or cut the country," Loring assented. + +O'Rane snapped the clasp of the betting-book and tossed it on a chair +behind him. + +"You're far too healthy and respectable," he grunted, concentrating his +attention on the cooling soup. "Besides, I'm reserving that for +Summertown. You know he's been sent down for good and all?" + +"A man cuts the country because of the disreputability of others," +answered Loring. "By the way, I'm not going to be fined for being late, +Mr. President, because I had a good reason. Also, the founder of a club +is never fined." + +"Let's hear the reason," suggested the president. + +"I've been taking the chair at a family council." Loring looked round +the table until he located his cousin Knightrider. "You ought to have +been there, Victor. I don't want to wash my dirty linen in public, but +Victor and I have a young cousin of twelve," he explained, "who's driven +her father out of one continent and is on the point of driving him out +of another. Crawleigh's a most dignified and worthy viceroy, and he's my +own uncle, and I wouldn't say a word against him; but a fellow on his +staff told me that he'd no more control over that child than over the +man in the moon. She does whatever she pleases; Government House is +turned upside down, and, if any one tries to coerce her, she just runs +away. They've pursued her across Canada and they've pursued her across +India. Now she's been sent home. The family council was convened to +decide what was to be done with her. All the uncles and aunts and +cousins met together; and I need hardly tell you that we got stuck with +her. So, if I disappear suddenly, you'll know that my young cousin has +been too much for me. If that isn't a good reason for being late, I +don't know what is." + +The president adroitly reserved judgement on a fine which he knew would +never be paid, and the conversation reverted to the former grim +discussion of the schools and vague plans for the future. Eric Lane felt +out of sympathy with his surroundings, for he alone lacked money and +influence and a ready-made niche. In ten years' time Deganway would be +progressing gently and comfortably in the Diplomatic; Summertown and +Pentyre, who were avowedly waiting for their fathers to die, would +either still be waiting or would have already succeeded; Framlingham and +Knightrider would be swallowed by the army, even Jack Waring would make +a career for himself at the bar or elsewhere, because men with his +backing were not allowed to fail. George Oakleigh would be in the House, +probably an under-secretary; Loring, with his position and an income +which fluctuated between a hundred thousand and a hundred and fifty +thousand a year in accordance with the yield of certain mines, might be +anywhere. + +"What are _you_ going to do, when you go down?" Eric asked O'Rane. + +"I haven't the least idea. That's where the fun comes in," O'Rane +answered buoyantly. + +"Starting behind scratch?" + +"Yes, that gives you an incentive. I wonder which of us will get to the +top first." + +"I wonder how one starts." + +"Oh, you'll write. I've never had any doubt of that. That rot I was +talking about averages wasn't _all_ rot; we ought to turn out one +genius, and you're going to do something very big. I declare to my soul +I'm not ragging! I've seen the things you wrote for _Cap and Bells_, +I've heard you talk and I can see you're on a different plane from the +rest of us. I could probably beat you at pure scholarship, but you've a +literary sense which I should never attain in a life-time. Do _you_ care +for a bet with me?" + +Eric shook his head; but he felt the need of encouragement, and O'Rane +was more serious than he usually condescended to be. + +"I won't rob you, Raney." + +"Robbery be blowed! You won't bet against your destiny. In ten years' +time you'll have beaten the whole of our generation, starting behind +scratch. And, God's my witness, I'd sooner have that than be born with a +title and a million pounds a minute like Jim. Hullo, they're off! Jim, +may I take wine with you?" + +He raised his glass and was quickly followed by Oakleigh and Summertown. +Loring flushed a little at the compliment of being chosen first. In +order of popularity O'Rane followed as a close second, with Waring +third. Pentyre, Summertown and Deganway toasted one another; Oakleigh +was honoured as an afterthought by half the table. There was a moment's +silence, as the glasses were recharged, and Jack Waring leaned forward +with a smile. + +"Eric? Best of luck." + +"Best of luck, Jack." + +Their eyes met, and both smiled. Then the interrupted dinner went on. +Oakleigh was detected, reported and fined for smoking without +permission; Pentyre was deprived of port wine for allowing the decanter +to stand at his elbow. A vote was taken, and Draycott was censured for +wearing a pleated shirt. Less constitutionally, Deganway was stretched +on the floor and deprived of his eye-glass amid falsetto protests. Then +the loving-cup went round, and all stood to drink the health of the king +and of fox-hunting, the president and vice-president, absent members +and "our glorious founder." Sinclair presented a seven-branch +candlestick to the collection of club plate; and Loring proposed and +carried a unanimous vote of thanks. + +"And now a little Gilbert and Sullivan from Raney," ordained the +president, as the last speech came to an end and he led the way into the +next room. + +Prising open a box of cigars, he sniffed it with the suspicion of +inexperience and proffered it diffidently to Oakleigh. O'Rane slid on to +the music-stool, while Deganway and Waring, Summertown and Eric sprawled +over the top of the piano with pipes doggedly gripped between their +teeth and with their chins resting on their arms, demanding of the +musician that he should give them "something with a chorus." Pentyre +withdrew to an armchair and fell asleep; the others formed themselves +into a circle round Loring and tried to talk against the music. + + + "_Long years ago, fourteen, may be, + When but a tiny babe of four, + Another babe played with me, + My elder by a year or more. + A little child of beauty rare, + With marvellous eyes and wondrous hair, + Who, in my child-eyes, seemed to me + All that a little child should be. + Ah, how we loved, that child and I, + How pure our baby joy! + How true our love--and, by-the-by_, + HE _was a little boy_!" + + +Waring, as "Angela" struck in with a deep, reproachful bass: + + + "_Ah, old, old tale of Cupid's touch! + I thought as much--I thought as much!_ + _He_ WAS _a little boy_" + + +"Patience" justified herself shyly. + + + "_Pray don't misconstrue what I say-- + Remember, pray--remember, pray, + He was a_ LITTLE _boy_" + + +O'Rane gave the "Wandering Minstrel" as a solo, followed by "A Pair of +Sparkling Eyes" and "Is Life a Boon?" + +Loring turned approvingly to George Oakleigh. + +"Raney's got a ripping voice," he said. "And he's in good form to-night. +All the same, we must be getting back, George, if you want to be in +London early to-morrow morning. It's very pleasant to see all these boys +again. Sad, too, very sad; the young lions with all their troubles +before them." + +"I suppose this _is_ absolutely the end," sighed Sinclair. "Shall I see +you at Lord's, Jim?" + +As the party began to break up, a chill of collective wistfulness +descended upon it, too strong for even O'Rane to dispel. + +"Yes, if you don't want me to watch the play. But I'll _look_ +intelligent." + +It was still so early when the straggling escort convoyed Oakleigh and +Loring into the safety of their hotel that an hour was agreeably spent +by each in accompanying every one else home. Jack and Eric reached the +Broad, only to turn back and take Deganway to Grove Street, and from +Grove Street they all proceeded by Boar Lane to St. Aldates. Here O'Rane +protested that he could not go to bed until he had disposed of Sinclair +in comfort. At a quarter to twelve the whole party, intact and a little +bored, found itself on Magdalen Bridge; Jack and Eric broke away at a +run up Long Wall, and the others, led by O'Rane, traversed the High for +the fourth time that night. + +The familiar rooms at the corner of the Turl were bare and disordered +with the signs of coming departure. The undulating floor of the +sitting-room was littered with paper and straw, with cases of books and +half-filled crates of pictures; on a dusting-sheet in one corner was +gathered a miscellany of broken pipes and perished pouches, tattered +note-books and sprung rackets, torn photographs, old shoes and a +policeman's helmet. Overflowing trunks and yawning Gladstone bags +projected from the bedrooms on to the narrow, gas-lit landing. + +"Nice, comfortable quarters," observed Jack, as he looked for somewhere +to sit. "It was quite a good evening, you know. The part I liked best +was when it was all over. Oxford looks quite decent at night." + +Eric had been trained to economy of enthusiasm in talking to Jack, who +would not have understood him if he had said that the Meadows on a May +morning or the Bodleian from All Souls, or the Trinity limes in leaf or +a pack of low, grey clouds racing across the sky behind Magdalen Tower +made him drunk with the consciousness of physical beauty. And he +wondered what he could ever have said to betray to O'Rane his secret +yearning for self-expression. + +"Our last night in Oxford," he murmured. + +"Oh, I think I shall come up occasionally and dine with the lads." + +Eric said nothing; but the sense of incongruity with his surroundings +still oppressed him, and he privately resolved that he would not revisit +Oxford until he had done something to put himself at least on the level +of his friends, perhaps above them. That night he lulled himself to +sleep with a vision in which he burst on the world as a new Byron and +took London by storm in a night. Comely heads turned and whispered his +name, as he strode down Bond Street; the windows were full of his +photograph; when he entered a room there was a hush of reverence for the +new novelist, the rising playwright, the last wit and latest fashion. +All his day-dreams led him to the stage. There, after twisting the house +to laughter and tears, he would nonchalantly allow himself to be called +before the curtain; after three gossamer epigrams, he would retire with +a perfunctory bow. And there would follow supper on the stage for George +Oakleigh, who was only a subordinate minister, and Loring, who was only +governor of a colony, and Jack, who was only a successful barrister, and +Knightrider, who was only a subaltern in the Guards, and Summertown, who +was only a third secretary on leave from a distant legation, and +Pentyre, who had been born with a silver spoon in his mouth and had +_done_ nothing.... The vision was so stimulating that he resolved to +conjure it up again whenever he felt depressed. + +They were roused in the morning by the cheerful and insistent voices of +a cavalcade which reined in under Jack's windows for the last +opportunity of wishing him good-bye.... Unembarrassed by spectators, he +made a leisurely toilet and refused to be intimidated by Eric's +prophecies that they would lose their train. "There is sure to be +another," he pointed out, as he finished brushing his short, +mouse-coloured hair and satisfied himself that he was smoothly shaved. +Undergraduate Oxford was all too careless of its appearance, and Jack +secretly believed that slovenliness in clothes was the visible sign of +depravity in morals. Colonel Waring had said so, basing himself on his +experience in the army. Jack respected his father's judgement, because +it so often coincided with his own. + +He appeared in time to see Eric distributing the last tips and counting +the luggage as it was piled on top of the cabs. Waving good-bye to their +landlord and surrounded by their escort, they drove with self-conscious +solemnity to the station, cut a passage through the jungle of dogs and +cricket bags on the platform and bribed a porter to find an empty +first-class carriage and to lock the door after them. While Jack +possessed himself of the papers, Eric watched the familiar landmarks +fading one by one from view as the train steamed out of Oxford: Tom +Tower and the Cathedral spire, the reservoir and gasworks, the Abingdon +Road and Boar's Hill. The whistle of the engine as it entered Culham +sounded like the last chord in an operatic score. Oxford was over. He +remembered his shyness in first approaching it four years earlier and +wondered whether he would as quickly overcome the sense of loneliness +which filled his mind at the thought of working in London. + +"When do your bar lectures start?" he asked with a drawl which attempted +to emulate his companion's easy carelessness. + +Jack tossed aside the _Sportsman_ and yawned with lazy contentment. + +"I haven't the least idea," he answered. + +"I was thinking about rooms. I'm going up almost at once for a month on +trial with the _London News_. You've got no preferences?" + +"I'd trust your taste and judgement anywhere." + +Eric laughed a little impatiently. + +"You--are--the--laziest--brute--I've ever come across. Are you going to +behave like this at the bar?" + +Jack put up his feet and closed his eyes. + +"It's not half a bad idea," he mused. "I believe, if I let it be known +that I didn't want briefs, the solicitors would form up at the early +door out of sheer perversity. Everything comes to him who doesn't much +care whether it comes or not. You see, as soon as you want anything, you +increase the demand and raise the price against yourself; it's a great +thing to have studied political economy. If I ever marry it will be some +one who's madly in love with me and whom I can just tolerate. If you're +fool enough to try it the other way round, you're simply selling +yourself into slavery.... As a matter of fact, I'm not lazy at all, but +I refuse to fuss about unimportant things. I had all this business out +with the guv'nor two years ago; I'd got to do something for a living, +and he had all sorts of gold-lace jobs in contemplation--clerk in the +House of Lords, agent to my uncle at Penley, private secretary to this +man and that. I said it wasn't good enough. If I couldn't go into the +army like him, I'd go somewhere where I could make money. We haven't any +particular influence in the city, so I chose the bar; and I've every +intention of making money there. _That's_ important. But I can't wear +myself out looking for digs when I've a kind friend to do it for me. And +I never try to do more than one thing at a time. During the next few +weeks I shall stay with several very pleasant people. Lady Knightrider's +invited me to Raglan as usual; and I'm going to Croxton with the +Pentyres; and to House of Steynes with Jim Loring; and to Ireland with +George Oakleigh. I wish you'd come, too; I've got such a good +country-house manor, I should like you to see it." + +"I've got to work." + +"So have I--every bit as much as you," Jack answered aggressively. "But +I never believe in meeting trouble half-way." His voice became drowsy, +and he composed himself for sleep. "Wake me, when we get to Reading." + +Such philosophic detachment was a birthright, not to be bought or +borrowed; and Eric looked with a mixture of amusement and envy at his +slumbering friend. Some time in the autumn the bar term would begin, +there would be lectures and examinations, Jack would be called; later he +would pay a hundred pounds to an overworked junior for the privilege of +sitting in a pupil-room and confusing his head with such papers as he +was allowed to see; he would find chambers of his own and choose a +circuit and open it. And get together a practice--or fail. In the +meantime he slept with the sun shining on his face, trimly brushed and +shaved, smiling, rosy and round-cheeked as a plough-boy. + +Eric could not so casually leave the future to look after itself; and he +was preparing, with a highly-strung man's dread of altercation, for a +conflict with his family. Dr. Lane's suggestions were purely +scholastic--a fellowship, if possible; failing that, a position on the +staff of one of the great public schools. Either would give him security +and a chance of earning money at once. There must be other things, of +course, but a philologist lived too much out of the world to give +practical advice.... Mrs. Lane favoured the Civil Service; but Eric, +from the editorial chair of _Cap and Bells_, had lately made journalism +the fabric of his day-dreams. During his last term the editor of the +_London News_ came to Oxford as guest of honour at a dinner of the +Sherbrooke Club; with eye professionally skinned for rising talent, he +had been first amused and then impressed by his young host; there +followed a vague proposal of an article, and Eric had been careful to +thrust his foot into the yielding doorway of the paper until a month's +trial was suggested. + +A red-brick wilderness of villas warned him that they were running into +Reading. He prodded Jack awake, collected his luggage from the rack and +changed into the Basingstoke train. At Winchester a dog-cart, driven by +a stiff, military groom, and a pony trap, with an eight-year-old child +and her governess, awaited them. The luggage appeared unhurriedly and +was separated and stowed out of sight. Jack edged away after a shy +greeting to Sybil Lane, and a moment later they were heading through the +town for the Melton and Lashmar road. + +"Roll round some time and discuss those digs," Eric shouted, as the +pony-trap turned from the high-crowned Melton road and jolted into the +twilight of unreclaimed woodland whose youngest trees were old and +firm-rooted before the New Forest had begun to show the first green of +its leaves. + +"No, you come to me," Jack called back. "It's shorter for you, because +you walk so much faster." + +As the low lines of the Mill-House came in sight, Mrs. Lane rose from +her chair by the studded front door, closed her book and waved a +handkerchief in welcome. For the first time in his life Eric felt that +this was no longer his home. Lashmar and Oxford belonged to a youth +wherein he was not required to look for a career or to trouble about +money and ambition. Within a week he would be occupying chambers of his +own and earning his own living. + +"Well, dear Eric, I'm very glad to see you again. You're looking thin," +said his mother. + +"I'm all right, thanks. How are you, mother? Is the guv'nor working?" +asked Eric. + +The need for action was strong upon him, and he had to explain once and +for all that he aimed at something more than security and a chance of +earning money at once. + +"He's indoors." + +Eric ducked his head and entered the long, low house. It was dark after +the glowing June sunlight outside, chillingly cold, too; from the back +of the house came the gentle murmur of the Bort with an unchanging drone +of falling water and a regular double creak from the mill-wheel, like +the slow cadence of a grandfather's clock. Through the open French +windows of the dining-room he sniffed the stream's familiar scent of +decay, half-smothered by the coarse reek of a blazing patch of +marigolds. Lashmar Mill-House was, for Eric, a place where ambition was +brought to die. + +Without waiting to be disturbed, Dr. Lane rattled open the door of the +library and appeared in his shirt-sleeves, fleshless, tall and stooping, +with the gentle, brown eyes, black hair and aquiline nose which he had +handed down to Eric. An unkempt brown moustache drooped drearily on +either side of a long corncob pipe-stem, and his bony hands fidgetted +with an untanned strap round his waist. + +"I want to have a talk with you," said Eric to his parents. "I'm +starting work next week with the _London News_. Jack and I are going to +live together." + +Mrs. Lane nursed a well-founded suspicion that Jack preyed on her son's +scant vitality, but she shrank from confessing jealousy of his friend. + +"Let's have a day or two to think things over," she proposed. +"Journalism is very wearing." + +"But everything's arranged," Eric answered. + +And next morning he rose from breakfast and started through the Forest +to Red Roofs and the task of pinning Jack down to the joint +establishment in London. Every step on the familiar road was a gesture +of farewell. There was a recognized point in the two-mile walk where +even the smoke of the Mill-House chimneys was invisible; another point +where he had to jump from stone to stone across a furlong of marsh; and +another where the forest thinned imperceptibly and vanished. Over the +tops of the last trees appeared a row of small-bricked Tudor chimneys, +dusty-grey in the sunshine; then the deep red tiles of the gabled roofs; +then the house itself, three-quarters covered in creeper that swung in +the breeze and veiled the narrow windows with a curtain of tangled +green. It was the perfect frame, Eric thought, for a perfect picture of +country toryism; a social analyst could not look at the house without +peopling it in imagination with the cadet branch of a rankly +conservative family--conventional, godly, sporting, military and, by a +freak, unexpectedly evangelical--in a word, with such a family as the +Warings. The colonel was returning home from an early gallop; he reined +in his horse and walked beside Eric to the gate of the stable-yard, +erect and dapper, with a dictatorial voice and a hint of ill-temper in +his bearing, his face weather-beaten and the white of his eyes faintly +tinged with yellow. + +"Hullo! How are you? How's your father? How's the _magnum opus_?" he +asked, as he dismounted and walked towards the house. The three +questions never varied, and the colonel derived immense private +amusement from the thought that Dr. Lane had given thirty years of his +life to an Anglo-Saxon dictionary. "Jack tells me you're going to be a +journalist. Dog's life, I've always heard." + +"I hope it won't be only journalism," said Eric, who was sensitive +enough to be daunted by the misgiving which his proposed career excited +first in his parents and now in an unbiased outsider. "I hope to do some +rather more original work as well." + +"Original? That's bad! Seven-act tragedies and five-volume novels." +Colonel Waring had evolved the belief that young men could be coaxed out +of their natural shyness by well-timed jocosity. "You must excuse me, +I'm going to have my bath. You'll find every one in the smoking-room, I +expect." + +Eric escaped with relief and ran Jack to earth in the faded dining-room, +where he was finishing a late breakfast. His sister ministered to his +wants, keeping the food warm in a chafing-dish, plying him with coffee +and fetching him clean plates. Mrs. Waring, plump, idle and +self-indulgent, was fondly overhauling her son's wardrobe when Eric +entered the room. + +"Dear Jack, you can't go to Lady Knightrider's until you've ordered +yourself some new shirts. These are a disgrace," she protested. + +Jack nodded without looking up from his paper. + +"I know. I was waiting till I got home so that Agnes could write to my +man. I always forget his name. Hullo, Eric! You're bursting with energy +this morning. Have some capital kidneys and bacon?" + +"I came to talk about where we are going to live," Eric explained, +shaking hands with Mrs. Waring. + +"But I thought I'd left that to you? Why don't you and Agnes arrange +something?" Jack filled a pipe and strolled towards the open window. +"The guv'nor seems to have got me elected to the County Club; he rather +favours my trying to get a bedroom there." + +Eric felt a twinge of dismay. It was only natural that a club should +have been found for Jack, as everything else was found; but Eric could +not afford to let him slip away. Perhaps the suggestion was only a +diplomatic hint that, if he were troubled further, he would follow the +line of least resistance. + +"Oh, no! You're coming with me. If you've no preferences, Agnes and I +will go straight ahead." + +He motioned to the girl, and they went out into the garden together. +Agnes Waring, in company with her mother, had been brought up to believe +that Jack was the one person in the house who mattered; though +intellectually head and shoulder his superior, she had been kept at home +from the day when Colonel Waring demonstrated incontrovertibly that he +could not afford to send her to Newnham if Jack was to be given an +adequate allowance at Oxford. Once isolated at home, she had nothing to +do but to run errands for her father and brother. At her suggestion it +was now arranged that Eric should look for rooms in the Temple. + +Two days later he wrote that he had discovered an ideal set of chambers +in Pump Court, and for a week they worked to get it in order for Jack's +arrival in October. On the last afternoon Agnes looked on her completed +handiwork and sighed with satisfaction and envy. + +"If you're not comfortable, you ought to be," she declared. "Men are +lucky creatures. I wish I could change places with you, Eric." + +"So that you could wait on Jack?" + +"I should like that, of course.... I hope Jack does well at the bar. You +will make him work, won't you?" + +Eric shrugged his shoulders and looked into the silent little court. + +"Can any one make him do anything he doesn't want to? I wonder whether +he was wise to choose the bar. I wonder whether I was wise to choose +journalism, whether any of us.... We had a very cheerful dinner on our +last night at Oxford. There were about twenty of us, and one man bet +that in ten years' time five of us would be dead and a certain number +bankrupt. A certain number more would have to cut the country. So far as +I remember only one was to make anything of a success. Not an +encouraging forecast." + +"A very cynical forecast," Agnes distinguished. + +"Will he win his bet?" + +"Oh, a man of character can make anything of his life," she answered +with a glance of fleeting interest and affection which he did not see. + +Eric recalled the extraordinarily young faces at the last dinner of the +Phoenix. Their outlook was frivolous and their talk trivial. He was +already feeling older in ten days. + +"Do you get more than one man of character in twenty?" he asked. + + + + +CHAPTER TWO + +THE COMING OF LILITH + + "What private man in England is worse off than the constitutional + monarch?... I don't believe he may even eat or drink what he likes + best: a taste for tripe and onions on his part would provoke a + remonstrance from the Privy Council." + + BERNARD SHAW: "AN UNSOCIAL SOCIALIST." + + +The partnership in Pump Court lasted for more than four years. After +nicely judging the minimum of work which would carry him through his bar +examinations, Jack surprised his friends by closing the former life of +indolence with a snap. When assizes were on, he made an undiscriminating +round of the North Eastern circuit, conducting a dock defence as though +it were a state trial; in London he attended suburban county courts with +as much zeal as if he had been sent special. During the Long Vacation he +remained at the end of a wire; the Bar Point-to-Point was sacrificed +without a murmur, and invitations during his working day seldom +penetrated farther than the telephone in his clerk's room. + +Once a year, indeed, he consented to meet his friends at dinner with +Loring, but they were contracting new ties and professing enthusiasms +which he did not share. Framlingham and Knightrider had been drilled +into the professional rigidity and limited outlook of junior subalterns +in crack regiments: Oakleigh was a politician, Pentyre a man of leisure; +Summertown had abandoned diplomacy for the army--the life of a public +danger for that of a private nuisance, as Valentine Arden, the novelist, +complained in a moment of exasperation. Deganway, on the same +authority, rested in the Foreign Office by day and spent tireless +nights adding to the number of those who addressed him by his Christian +name. O'Rane and Mayhew were abroad. + +Had he ever felt the inclination, Jack professed to be without the time +or energy to take part in a social life of dinners and dances. +Exchanging one pose for another, he had ceased to be the arbiter of +"good form," as that is understood at Eton and New College, and was +aping the manners of an older generation; the new aloofness, like the +old, dispensed him from doing anything that he did not like and +gratified his faint but ineradicable sense of superiority. At night he +now chose the society of his own profession at the County Club and +steeped himself in forensic retorts discourteous and the aroma of +judicial wit; by day he chopped leading cases at luncheon in Hall and +smoked one cigarette in the Gardens, striding up and down with his chin +deep on his white slips and his hands locked beneath the tails of his +coat. He was too busy for week-end parties, too old to take his sister +to dances. + +"It doesn't do to be seen lunching at your club too much," he explained +to Eric, when at the end of four years he had decided that the +inconvenience of moving was less than that of continuing to live in the +Temple. "People think you've no work. Trouble is, I'm getting no +exercise. I think I shall have to move away so that I can get a walk in +the morning." + +Eric received the news with little surprise and hardly more regret. Jack +was in chambers before he himself got up in the morning and in bed +before the _London News_ began to print off. The dissolution would only +cost them an occasional half-hour's talk in the early evening and a rare +Sunday walk when Jack was not staying at Red Roofs. + +"Nineteen nine, nineteen five," Eric calculated. "We're twenty-six and +we've had four years here. By the way, are you dining with Jim +to-night? Give him my love and say I wish I could come too. It's no +good, if I have to run away after the fish. I remember your father +telling me that journalism was a dog's life. He never spoke a truer +word." + +"But you've done extraordinarily well," Jack insisted, rousing +reluctantly from the contemplation of his own career. "What are you? +Dramatic critic and assistant literary editor? And you're making a dam' +sight more than I am. I've decided to give up this twopenny ha'penny +criminal work. Otherwise I shall get left in a rut." + +Eric was thinking less of his routine work than of four dog's-eared +plays which he had sent the round of the London managers; a critic was +ever one who could not create. + +"The right people have died at the right time," he explained. "It's not +quite what I hoped, though." + +Jack knocked out his pipe and left Eric to finish his early dinner by +himself. It was the anniversary of their last Phoenix Club gathering at +Oxford; and for the last four years a dozen or more of them had +contrived to meet at the end of every June. So far, O'Rane's pessimistic +forecast had halted short of fulfilment; none was dead, none was +bankrupt, though Draycott was living at Boulogne with a warrant in +readiness for him, if he ever returned to England. Sinclair was married, +but the others had not yet found time for triumph or disaster. If Eric +enjoyed a good salary and a responsible position, they had been bought +with hard work, unsleeping contrivance and two severe illnesses; the +instant spectacular effect of Lord Byron's descent upon London remained +a day dream. + +"You'll be able to find some one to take on my room, won't you?" asked +Jack, with fleeting compunction, as he reappeared from his bedroom in +shirt and trousers. + +"I shan't try," answered Eric. "My books are overflowing into every +room.... And I loathe strangers as much as you do." + +Like Jack, he had soon found that it was impossible to play on equal +terms with men who did not pretend to work for a living; and Eric's rare +excursions from the Temple led him only to the supper-table of the +Thespian Club and occasional luncheons in Chelsea. In the days of his +apprenticeship to the _London News_, he had won the friendship of Martin +Shelley by attending first nights when, as happened three times out of +five, the dramatic critic was indisposed. For ultimate reward he +succeeded to a coveted position; in payment by instalments he received a +careless regard and full-blooded advice on drama and life. When +Shelley's ill-used brain and nerves had been flogged to activity and not +yet drowned, he would talk of theatrical art as a master. "Don't forget +what I'm telling you, Lane," he would say through a cloud of smoke and +whiskey fumes. "I've taught you what construction is--and dialogue--and +technique--and characterization. You could write a _successful_ play +to-morrow, but you must wait until you've filled a sketch-book or two. +You don't know live men and women yet; you're too much the maiden of +bashful fifteen. The public isn't ready for naturalism; so, if you want +to kill theatricality--which is what I've tried to do all my life--you +must do it with a play that's overwhelming. I could teach you a hell of +a lot, if I had time.... When I'm gone, fire in your application for my +berth so that no one else gets in before you and yet leave just enough +margin to keep the old man from thinking you pushed me under the wheels. +Not that I'd blame you, we've all got to make our way. But the old man +finds me rather an asset. My poor wife runs teetotal salons in Chelsea +on the strength of my name. I'll take you to one. You'll fill a +sketch-book with society smatterers alone." + +Eric went from courtesy and stayed from compassion. Mrs. Shelley, the +faded, pretty daughter of a Cambridge tutor who had left her a few +hundreds a year, threw herself tacitly on his mercy, as though he had +come to blackmail her with sordid tales of her husband's degradation. +They had no children; and she had set herself to make a life of her own. +So long as she could fill her house with the North Street school of +poets, the Fitzroy Square impressionists--and all who came humbly to her +for a chance of meeting them--she shut her eyes to her husband's +excesses and infidelities. He was required to act as decoy for new +literary and artistic lions, to appear at one party out of five freshly +shaved and decently habited, to lend her a hand when she could climb no +longer unaided and to accept a rare invitation in return to lunch with +Lady Poynter or the Duchess of Ross, when "the society smatterers" +wanted him to write up a charity _matinée_ or the amateur performance of +a Restoration comedy. + +Before and after her husband's unheroic death under a newspaper van, +Mrs. Shelley was Eric's single link with the world outside Fleet Street +and the Thespian Club. Jack's white waist-coat and button-hole were +occasionally a galling remainder of his own bondage. + +"God! this is a life!" he broke out, as he looked at the clock and +brought his dinner to an untimely end. "I never dine anywhere; I don't +speak to a woman from one year's end to another----" + +"Nor do I. It only encourages them," Jack returned, as he filled his +case with cigarettes and gave a final polish to his hat. + +"It would bring a little colour into one's life," said Eric, looking +with disfavour at the grimly celibate sitting-room. + +"Some people don't know when they're well off. I _can't_ dance and I've +nothing to say to the modern girl. Why they won't take 'no' for an +answer I can never make out. I suppose you _like_ women, Eric. Every +time you go to a theatre, you come back raving about somebody's dress or +pearls or eyes--honestly, you do! It's like a fashion article. I'm +beyond all that. I don't mind 'em when they're as old as Lady +Knightrider; they've ceased to be exacting then, and you can count on +them to see that you're comfortable and that you have plenty of +bath-salts. But the vulgar little atrocities of nineteen! I'm not +ragging; if you compare a girl like my sister Agnes, who's twenty-two, +with the hoydens who think they constitute London Society! Brains of +spidgers and manners of factory hands! In my day.... However, they're +all pure young girlhood to you. The Lord preserve you in your innocence +and keep you from marrying one of them! I must fly!" + +He ran down the stairs and hailed a taxi at the top of Middle Temple +Lane. Since the downfall of Draycott, the Phoenix Club dinners had lost +their old strict form and were no longer confined to members of the +club. As Jack entered the hall, Valentine Arden, a satirical +consumptive, was divesting himself of a violet-lined cloak, smoothing +his long straight hair back from his forehead, patting the tie that +wound twice round his collar and adjusting the straps of his trousers +under his insteps. There were other friends of a younger generation whom +Loring had acquired in his easy-going progress, but the older members +were meagrely represented. + +The first arrivals were already in the library, exchanging fragmentary +news of the absentees, when their host appeared with a preoccupied frown +and a jejune apology for his lateness. + +"Where's Pentyre?" he asked, as he looked round the room. "Here, my +friend, you'll get yourself into hot water, if you give any more parties +like your last one." + +"What's the row?" asked Pentyre in surprise. + +"Well, I won't mention names," Loring answered, "but one of your guests +has come to grief as the result of your last little gathering at +Croxton. I don't say that it's _your_ fault," he added, "except that you +ought to exercise more general control in your own house. There was a +certain amount of gambling, wasn't there? Some fairly big sums of money +changed hands? One man lost who couldn't afford to lose, I believe. It +may have been absence of mind or it may have been the only way out of +the difficulty, but the man in question signed his father's name on a +cheque instead of his own. The son is now on his way to one of those +'thoughtful islands where warrants never come.' D'you mean this is all +news to you?" + +Pentyre tugged at his moustache and shook his head in wide-eyed wonder. +The only sign of discord that he could remember had occurred between his +mother and Loring's own cousin, Barbara Neave. On the first night she +had stayed up after Lady Pentyre had shepherded the women of the party +to bed. In the morning there had been a gentle reprimand, but Lady +Barbara ignored it and persisted in staying up as long as any one would +stay up with her. She or one of the men--Pentyre could not remember--had +started poker, which they played until two or three o'clock in the +morning. + +"I've never heard a word of it," he said. Less than a year had passed +since he succeeded to his father's title and the ownership of Croxton +Hall. The social life of the county had been brightened; but there had +been one or two regrettable mishaps, and Loring always seemed to hear of +them. "How did you get hold of the story?" he asked with a touch of +bluster. + +"From the man's father in the first place; then from my cousin Barbara. +We're supposed to be responsible for her, and I tackled her about it. +She won nearly five hundred pounds from this wretched boy. Of course, I +made her disgorge it; but the fellow may be ruined for life. I told her +so pretty plainly, and she seemed to take it as an enormous compliment." + +"Who was the man?" asked Pentyre. + +"Well, it wasn't your fat friend Webster, and it wasn't John Gaymer; +they played poker before they could walk. I think you can guess now. +Really, Pentyre, if you admit people of that kind to your house.... That +girl will be the death of my poor mother. Thank goodness, Crawleigh's on +his way home! D'you know, in the four years we've been nominally in +charge of her we've been asked to have her removed from three different +schools? Once it was for holding a table-turning _séance_ in her bedroom +after lights-out, and twice simply because they didn't know what to do +with her. She's a holy terror. But I've got rid of her now, so let's +have some dinner and forget all about her." + +The three-hour discussion, which had been brought to an end by the +dressing-gong, was only the latest of a long succession of family +councils; but hitherto Lady Barbara had split the court of enquiry into +factions and escaped between the feet of the disputants. On this, as on +earlier occasions, she had won over her two aunts, but Loring proved +himself to be of sterner stuff. "It's no use her saying that it's just +as if she hadn't a father and mother of her own! She has,--and they'll +discover it to their cost," he said. "The immediate point is that, if +Barbara stays in this house, I go out of it. She's not in the least +sorry. You think she's crying, but she isn't. I've seen her do that a +dozen times when she wants to get round the servants. It's time some one +else had a turn of her. If you believe in her repentance, Aunt Kathleen, +you're welcome to her." While he dressed for dinner, the girl's clothes +were packed and disposed in Lady Knightrider's car. She herself came to +his door with a woebegone face, begging him to forgive her, for life +with Lady Knightrider involved discipline, religious exercises and +banishment for most of the year to Scotland or Monmouthshire. He refused +and felt so small-minded at using his authority against a child that it +was a relief to vent his ill-humour on a man. + +"This is all very well," said Pentyre stolidly, as they sat down to +dinner, "but I refuse to be bully-ragged because you can't keep your own +cousin in order." + +"I can't make out how you can be seen in the same street as Webster and +Gaymer," answered Loring. "To me they're everything that's wrong in the +life of the present day. Webster, Pennington, Lady Maitland, +Erckmann----" + +"You're so infernally narrow-minded." + +"If it's narrow-minded to dislike a noisy little clique of rich cads who +try to dominate society by being one degree more outrageous than anybody +else." + +A murmur of dissent made itself heard; but Loring warmed to his work, +and the party divided into two camps and joined battle over the bodies +of their friends. It was a stimulating encounter and afforded +unrestricted opportunity for personal attack. For several years there +had been raging a secret warfare which Valentine Arden compared with a +tournament in a dark room between blindfolded combatants who did not +know why they were fighting. On the one side was a group of influential +and highly respected families led by the Lorings, the Knightriders and +the Pebbleridges, on the other the cosmopolitans. They were an +ill-defined host without leader or tenets. In every other capital of the +world they had found their place as a wealthy and cultured class, +excluded from the houses of the historic aristocracy but forming an +artistic aristocracy of their own. In Paris, Vienna and New York Sir +Adolf Erckmann was a social power; he would not, indeed, be found with +the Princesse de Brise or Mrs. Irwin T. Churton, but he was known and +reverenced in a world of music and pictures which did not know Mrs. +Irwin T. Churton or the Princesse de Brise by name. + +In England there were no such recognizable lines of demarcation. +Erckmann was received by the Duchess of Ross, because she wanted him to +subsidise a French theatre for London and hoped that he might be induced +to take Herrig on a long lease; he was blackballed for the County Club, +because the committee disliked his race, his accent, his friends and his +too frequent appearance in the Divorce Court. With one foot in a +Promised Land, from which the society of Paris, Vienna and New York had +excluded him, Sir Adolf lifted the second; it was at this point that the +battle was joined, and both sides fought blindly. The cosmopolitans were +not always fortunate in their manners or their allies; and to Loring +their very toleration meant the invasion of society by "a noisy clique +of rich cads." Their antagonists were no less unfortunate in a few of +their prejudices; and the cosmopolitans claimed with some reason to be +fighting against a Philistine oligarchy. As there was not even a common +ground of dispute, the warfare degenerated into indecisive skirmishes, +and the discussion of it into embittered personalities. + +"They're a bit hairy about the heel," said Summertown, "but they _are_ +alive, and some of their shows are great fun. Val can bear me out." + +Arden assumed non-moral detachment and explained that the novelist, like +the sanitary inspector, entered all houses with professional +impartiality. + +"They've no sense of responsibility and not much feeling for decency. I +don't want to make too much of this business," said Loring, as acrimony +slipped out of control and threatened the peace of the dinner. "But I +was thoroughly stirred up over that wretched boy and I felt it was time +to make a stand." + +"What are you going to do?" demanded Pentyre. + +"Well, I've been knocking about in London for half a dozen years, +watching these gentry, and I can see that _we're_ not assimilating +_them_. The egregious Pennington, that young swine Webster----" + +"Both of whom I've met in this house," interposed Pentyre. + +"I know. One gets roped in. Some one dragged me along to their parties, +so I had to invite them back. But I don't go any more. The danger _now_ +is that they'll assimilate us. I went through my mother's book a short +time ago and put a mark against certain names; and in future those +people will not be invited or admitted to the house. No doubt they'll +get on very happily without me, but so much mud is thrown at us in the +ordinary way of business that I can't afford to put up gratuitous +targets for the amusement of the gutter-press. Honestly, Pentyre, you'd +feel rather small, if the _Sunday Budget_ or _Morton's Weekly_ came out +with a 'Society Gambling Scandal.' Wouldn't you?" + +Pentyre adroitly evaded the question and continued his own bombardment. + +"Is your cousin's name in the condemned list?" he asked. + +"It will be, if I have any trouble from her again. What I can't get +people to see is that we're hanging on by our eyelids to such position +as we've got. A hundred years ago we were a class apart and above +criticism; nobody thought the worse of us, if we appeared at the theatre +with a notorious cocotte or drank ourselves gently under the table. Our +present accursed democracy was unborn. But, when once that came into +existence, we could only keep ourselves from proscription by saying very +loudly that we were still a class apart and were setting a standard. +Democracy's too lazy and snob-ridden to be very exacting, but it's had +its eye on us. George and his friends are conspiring to hamstring the +poor, decent House of Lords; and, if they succeed, the rot won't stop +there. I find life very pleasant, and it isn't worth a tremendous +upheaval simply for the amusement of behaving like a Bank Holiday +crowd.... Let's go and smoke in the library." + +Under the tranquilling influence of tobacco, Loring recovered his +good-humour and the controversy flickered to extinction. There was a +short attempt to revive and explore the scandal of Croxton Hall, but +Pentyre was secretly frightened by the possibility of seeing his name in +the papers; and he knew from long experience that there was no surer way +of achieving notoriety than that of telling anything in confidence to +those of his friends whose social importance was measured by their range +and freshness of gossip. + +"You're _too_ provoking!" Deganway protested shrilly, pinning him in an +embrasure and flapping irritably with his eye-glass. "You know it's not +fair to tell a story without giving all the names." + +"I didn't tell the story," Pentyre pointed out. + +"But I've asked Jim, and he won't say. Val! Do make him tell! He's being +so tiresome." + +Arden shrugged his shoulders and, with the outward frozen detachment +which had become second nature to him, retired to a table by himself +where he called for China tea and produced a pack of patience cards. +There were other means of investigating the poker episode, and he had +decided that it was more than time for the social satirist to make +Barbara Neave's acquaintance. For the merits of the controversy he cared +nothing, but his sense of humour was maliciously stirred in +contemplation of a self-consciously decorous clan stung into undignified +curvettings by a gadfly girl of sixteen. Though he ostentatiously +refused to be drawn into partisanship, the stiff blamelessness of the +interlocked Catholic families occasionally oppressed him; and the +material outcome of Loring's tirade was to stimulate his desire to +explore the domestic dissension at first hand. + +"One feels that Lady Barbara would repay study," he observed to Jack, as +they left the house together. "She is a new element in our worn-out +social system." + +"You must study her for me," answered Jack. "I agree with every word Jim +said. I'm too busy to go out much, but _some_ of the people I meet.... +My father says that twenty years ago they wouldn't have been tolerated. +But since the South African diamond boom and all the new money.... Of +course, the girl just wants slapping." + +"You have met her? No? One hoped that you would have effected the +introduction." + +"I avoid the present-day girl like the plague," said Jack. + +The following afternoon Arden called in South Street with a book which, +he assured Lady Knightrider, he had promised to lend her. Lady Barbara +was at Hurlingham with Webster; but, as she was expected back to tea, he +planted himself immovably in a chair and awaited her return. When at +last she came, he found her utterly unlike the rebellious school-girl of +his imagination. A childhood spent in public had matured her beyond her +years so that she had the looks of twenty-two and the self-possession of +forty. Instead of studying her, he found himself being studied; slender +and lithe as a boy, she was tall enough to look down on him. He found +her haggard with restlessness and a life of nervous excitement; her +tired eyes, ever changing in size and colour, brightened as she took in +his affectations of dress and mannerisms of speech; he felt that she was +harmonizing her pose with his and that her vitality and quickness had +already given her an advantage. + +"I've read all your books. Witty, but very artificial," she said, as +they were introduced. "The French do that sort of thing more easily, but +you've not read much French, have you? There are several things I want +to discuss with you. A play I've written." She drew off her gloves +jerkily, splitting the thumb of one. "Did you come to see me or Aunt +Kathleen? And you know Jim, of course. I want your opinion of him." + +"_He_ knows _me_," Arden distinguished, as he watched her carelessly +calculated movements. Within sixty seconds she had shewn herself +full-face and in profile, with a hat and again with two tapering hands +smoothing a mass of wayward hair. He had seen her wistful and tired, as +she came into the room, and again alert and galvanised at finding him +there. Yet she had certainly noticed his hat in the hall; probably she +had read the name and thought out her attack as she came upstairs. He +was charmed by her conscientious artifice. + +"You talk just like Fatty Webster's imitations of you! That's so clever +of you! But why do you do it? You've arrived. There's no need to be +eccentric now. But perhaps you've grown into your own pose? In that case +you're right to express yourself in your own medium. Life is simply +self-expression, isn't it? The discovery of the Ego, the refinement of +the Ego, the presentation of the Ego." She nodded quickly at a portrait +of her father in Garter robes. "It would never do to be submerged by +that kind of thing. I'm always so sorry for Royalty." + +As he hesitated for an answer, she put her hands to her throat, +unclasped her necklace and threw it out of the window. Arden sprang +across the room and looked down into the street to make sure that he had +seen aright. A District Messenger-boy approached, whistling; he explored +the necklace with his foot and finally picked it up. + +"My dear, what _are_ you doing?" cried Lady Knightrider in amazement. + +"I went flying to-day," Lady Barbara answered, as she poured herself out +a cup of tea. + +"Flying!" + +"Yes, I didn't tell you beforehand, because I was afraid of a scene. +Besides, I should have done it, whatever you said. Johnnie Gaymer +promised to take me up. I haven't been near Hurlingham. Don't bother, +Mr. Arden." + +"But why----?" Valentine began, startled out of his invertebrate +placidity by a sensationalist more original than himself. + +"Because I wasn't killed. I love that necklace more than anything in +the world. It was given me when I was recovering from typhoid and every +one thought I _must_ die.... The engine stopped in mid-air, and I made +sure I was going to be killed. Johnnie thought so, too. I felt I owed +something to Nemesis.... I've known you by sight all this season, Mr. +Arden. You weren't at the Poynters last night, by any chance? I couldn't +go, because I was in disgrace. And Lord Poynter sent his car this +morning with a wreath of lilies, because he was afraid I must be dead." + +The short, disjointed sentences, flung out rapidly as she helped herself +to cake, demanded all Arden's attention and left her aunt far behind. +Lady Knightrider hurried belatedly to the window and then stretched her +hand to the bell. Lady Barbara took her arm soothingly and led her back +to her chair. + +"Your disgrace was our diversion," said Arden. + +"Did Jim tell you about it," asked Lady Barbara. "How like him! I'm +beginning to think he's naturally cruel. Or unnaturally. Conscious +cruelty is what divides men from animals.... Aunt Kathleen, if you fuss, +I shall scream; I've been badly frightened and I hated throwing it +away.... I'd sooner die than hurt any one.... Have you ever flown? I've +wanted to for years; I felt it would be a new sensation. Won't it be +awful when we've done so much that there are no sensations left? Aunt +Kathleen's quite irrepressible, isn't she?" + +After an interval of indecision Lady Knightrider had hurried out of the +room and downstairs. Arden looked at his watch and prepared to follow +her. + +"One always lies down before dinner," he explained. + +"You're going--just when we've been left a moment together?" she asked +with a smile that had less of amusement than of artistic sympathy. +"That's a brilliant effect. Not one man in a million would have thought +of it. We must meet again. Why did you come at all? What had you heard +about me? I don't recommend Aunt Kathleen's cigarettes." + +She offered him her case, and Arden lighted one. + +"A poker party was mentioned at dinner last night," he told her. "One +casually wondered who the man was." + +"Claude Arkwright. Jim says I've got his soul on my conscience. Any more +questions?" + +Arden laughed and for a moment shed all his mannerisms. + +"Yes. What's behind all this?" he asked. + +"All this what? All this me? What I do?" Lady Barbara met him +unreservedly on his own chosen ground of sincerity, and her voice and +smile changed. "_I'm_ behind it. Come, you're quite clever enough to +understand. I want to enjoy life and know life and meet people and read +books and do things.... I won't be treated like a minor Royalty. The +world's full of Jim Lorings. Wherever I go, some one says 'Not there, +not there, my child.' And then! _Then_ I go quite mad! You'll like me, I +think. Good-bye." + +"Good-bye, Lady Lilith." + +"Lilith? Who was she? Wasn't she Adam's first wife?" + +"She existed before Man tasted of the tree of knowledge; before good and +evil came into the world," said Arden impressively. + +"_I_ remember. I hope you won't become sententious. That went out with +the last of the Wilde plays." + +Lady Knightrider was standing in the hall, plump, white-haired and +perplexed, peering through her lorgnettes into the street. The +messenger-boy had disappeared, and the necklace with him. + +"He will take it to Scotland Yard," predicted Arden reassuringly. "And +then Lady Barbara will throw it away again for fear of cheating Nemesis. +One despaired of meeting honest superstition in these degenerate latter +days." + +"I've never heard----," began Lady Knightrider. One crime jostled +another and confused her mind. "Crawleigh will be furious if he finds +out she's been flying." + +Arden walked back to the Ritz, wondering whether the fuller study of +Barbara Neave justified him in giving away points by betraying interest +in her. His preliminary diagnosis discovered energy with no outlet, +premature experience with unsated curiosity; public life held no mystery +or attraction for the only daughter of a viceroy; unless Lord Crawleigh +set himself to gain a dukedom, there were no social heights to scale; +the family was too rich for her to be troubled about money; and so +energy sought its outlet in making and receiving new sensations. This +was well enough at sixteen or seventeen, but after another five years +emotion-hunting...? He was still undecided when he encountered her a +week later at Covent Garden, sitting with Summertown and Webster on a +sofa outside Lady Maitland's box and having her fortune told by Sonia +Dainton. Her setting was of more interest than her occupation, for +Summertown and Miss Dainton were leaders of the younger cavalry in the +cosmopolitan army; they echoed the noise and reflected the insistent +glare of Sir Adolf Erckmann without sharing his solid prestige as a +critic and patron of art. Webster was a sodden, characterless youth, who +bought his way into toleration which he mistook for popularity. Arden +wondered what Loring would say if he found his cousin in such company. + +"The discovery of the Ego?" he enquired. + +"Hullo! We're having such fun!" said Lady Barbara. "Miss Dainton's +wonderful! I've had two bad illnesses, and something is going to happen +soon which will change the whole of my life. I'm going to have an +enormous success of some kind. And then an enormous tragedy. I'm very +artistic and full of intuition. I've got a strong will and a great +influence over people. Go on, Sonia." + +"The line of heart--give me your other hand a minute," said Sonia +Dainton. "Yes, the line of heart hasn't begun yet. When it _does_!" + +Lady Barbara withdrew her hand abruptly. + +"I don't believe you know anything about it, Sonia. Are there any good +palmists in London, Mr. Arden? I collect fortune-tellers. Let's go +somewhere to-morrow. Father will be back in England next month, and then +I shan't be able to do anything." + +"You believe in all this?" Arden asked, remembering her action with the +necklace and wondering how far she was trying to beat him at his own +game of extravagant effects. + +"Oh, implicitly. Don't you? And I do want to find out all about the +future. Let's devote a week to it and try _every one_." + +"I might spare you two days," he answered, as he passed on to his box. + +At the end of the first Arden's curiosity was satisfied. Lady Barbara +was a study in crude contrasts. While she pained her family by sceptical +indifference to religion, there seemed nothing that she would not +believe, provided only that it did not come to her from the lips of a +priest. As they drove from one clairvoyant to another, she revealed a +curious knowledge of necromancy; she had read every book that she could +find on Satanism and the Black Mass and would talk of astrology and the +significance of dreams with grave conviction. But the cult of the +fortune-tellers was inspired primarily by a desire to discuss herself +and to be discussed. A single morning exhausted the possibilities of +amusement from such a source, and her companions were less diverting +than herself; Sonia Dainton dropped out when she found herself accorded +second place, Summertown played a thin stream of monotonous jocosity +over the survivors, and Webster fell asleep with an air of duty well +done when he had provided luncheon for every one, discovered a new +clairvoyant and driven the party to her at breakneck speed in the latest +of the racing cars whose purchase constituted the overt business of his +life. + +They were to have met again with Lady Knightrider at the end of the +season; but, when Arden and Jack Waring entered the train for Raglan, +Loring awaited them with a grave face and pointed to a column notice in +his paper, headed "Serious Flying Accident." + +"Thank Heaven, it happened when she was with her people and not with +me," he began. "That's my silly little fool of a cousin again! She got +that fellow Gaymer down to Crawleigh Abbey; and, when her parents' backs +were turned, they went off for a jaunt to Salisbury Plain. The +manoeuvres were on, so they brightened them up by flying so low that the +inspecting general bolted and the troops scattered in panic. There'll be +the deuce to pay for that alone. Then, on the way back, they came down +in the New Forest and got hung up on a tree. Gaymer's broken a +collar-bone and two ribs; and Barbara's badly shaken and bruised. Here's +an opportunity for your literary genius, Valentine; help me to draft a +telegram of sympathy which will shew at the same time that I think she +richly deserved all she got." + +The accident was Lady Barbara's formal introduction to England. +Throughout 1909 there was an official pretence that she was not yet out; +she would still be no more than seventeen when her parents returned, and +both Lady Loring and Lady Knightrider refused to present her before +that. The baptism of blood in the New Forest made her name and face +known to every reader of every illustrated paper. "The ideal _début_ for +her," exclaimed Loring in disgust. "I can see her spending the rest of +her life trying to live up to it." + +Four days later he came into Arden's room with a letter which he threw +onto the bed with a grim smile. + +_"Dearest Jim,_ + +_"It was sweet of you to send me that wire. I've strained my back and +covered myself with bruises, but it was worth it. Fear is a wonderful +sensation; I believe it's the strongest of all the emotions. I certainly +feel that I shall never again get that sublimated degree of fear. I got +Death. (D'you spell Death with a capital D? I always do--from respect; +Death will outlast God.) You heard I had concussion? I knew I was dying +and that one step would carry me over the dividing-line. There was a +black curtain, like a drop-scene; and I knew that, as soon as that +lifted, I should be dead and on the other side. I said to myself I +wouldn't die. When I came to, the doctor was frowning terribly, and I +heard him mutter, 'Just about time, too, young lady.' I wonder whether +you'd be sorry, if I died, Jim. When I had appendicitis at Simla, you +couldn't get through the streets for the people who were waiting to hear +how the operation had gone off. The wires were blocked for three days +with enquiries._ + +_"I'm to be allowed out at the end of the week and hope to be well +enough to come to you at House of Steynes with father and mother._ + +_Your loving Barbara."_ + +Arden smiled as he handed back the letter. + +"Characteristic," he commented. + +"Oh, very! Not a word about Gaymer. Or the feelings of her parents. +She's had two new sensations and she can't be sure whether she'd get as +good a press for her death here as in India. Crawleigh will have his +hands full. You've not met him? Well, it's one thing to govern India and +another to keep a little devil like that in order." + +A month later, still in the detached spirit of the social satirist, +Arden allowed himself to be introduced to Lady Barbara's parents in +Scotland. He was anxious to study her family setting, for Lord Crawleigh +was already beginning to be regarded primarily as the father of his own +daughter and only in afterthought as a distinguished public servant. +Fifteen years earlier he had first shewn the administrative brilliance +and incapacity to work with colleagues which impel a man to a +viceroyalty or the leadership of a disgruntled party of one on the +cross-benches. In Canada, in Ireland and in India he had been publicly +admired and privately abhorred. Without the backing of long established +authority, however, he was thrown on his own resources; and paper-work +genius proved itself powerless without palpable force of character. +Over-sensitive to his personal dignity, he treated his wife and children +with the pomp and despotism of Government House; according to Loring's +description, councils were convened to decide what train should bear +them from London to Crawleigh Abbey; the cook's shortcomings were +minuted to Lady Crawleigh for observations and appropriate action; the +servants were pinned to the straight path of their duties by +proclamation, and the household books were scrutinized with an +exhaustive particularity not vouchsafed to the preparation of an Indian +budget. + +It was the self-protective assertion of a man sensitive to his physical +inadequacy. Lord Crawleigh's domed head, ascetic face and rimless +spectacles were impressively intellectual, but he degenerated as he went +lower. The bottom half of his face was confused with a straggling blonde +moustache intended for an operatic viking; his body was too short, his +legs too long; and, when he became excited, his voice rose querulous and +shrill. But the viceregal manner carried him far. Lord Neave and his two +younger brothers had been taught obedience at Eton; Lady Crawleigh, as +her passivity and plumpness hinted, suffered from a family streak of +laziness, which she shared with Lady Loring and Lady Knightrider, and +from twenty-five years' experience of her husband, which she could share +with no one. It required Barbara's temperamental irreverence and gipsy +craving for liberty to break down the imposing forms and spirit of her +father's rule. The boys, who could be caned while she remained immune, +sheltered themselves behind their younger sister; and, with a woman's +genius for tactical alliances and strategical choice of ground, she +explored and profited by the weak places in the enemy's system of +defences. Her father's public position and private dignity were her +strongest accessories. "She can always blackmail him by threatening a +scandal," as Loring explained. + +So long as she had her own way, Arden discovered a rule of peace and +mutual affection. Lady Barbara hated to be on bad terms with any one; +and her parents were humanly, if reluctantly, proud of her. Throughout +his visit to House of Steynes, she dominated the party by her vitality +and versatile charm. Loring was in the early stages of devotion to Sonia +Dainton and disappeared as long and often as possible to escape his +mother and sister, who were trying to avert an engagement, and Lady +Dainton, who was forcing it to a head; and in his absence Arden watched +Lady Barbara posing herself in the middle of the stage, methodically +sharing herself among the guests and holding her own with all. It was +the fruit of early years, during which she had lived consistently in +public, meeting men of every profession and country, listening, +remembering, learning and giving her best in return. She shewed a nice +appreciation of personality and varied her attitude with her audience. +In talking to Arden himself she still gravely met pose with pose and +extravagance with extravagance. + +"D'you feel you know me adequately now?" she asked him on the last +night. "Mr. Deganway told me you were going to write a book about me." + +"And you replied, 'Only one?' It is unfortunate that Meredith has +already taken 'The Egoist' as a title." + +Lady Barbara turned slowly, as though he were a mirror, and gave him +time to appreciate her slender height and lithe figure. One hand +directed attention to her hair, as she brushed away a curl from her +forehead; and she looked at him sideways with her fingers pressed +against one cheek so that he should see the size and deep colour of her +eyes. + +"D'you think I'm unduly vain?" she asked. + +"Genius demands vanity. But one comes back to the old question: what is +behind it? One thinks of you in six years' time and asks oneself what +will be left. You have been everywhere, Lady Lilith, and met every one +whom the world considers worth meeting--they were not too numerous? +No?--and you have read so much.... In six years' time you will be the +best known woman in London, but there will be nothing left for you to +do." + +"There are always new experiences. When I had that accident in the New +Forest, a man came from the other end of England, because he'd fallen in +love with my photograph. He said he couldn't marry any one else after +seeing me." + +"It is surfeiting to be easily loved," Arden sighed. "One does not shoot +sitting birds. Some day, perhaps, Lady Lilith will meet a man who goes +to the other end of England to avoid her. That will be a new experience. +She will follow him, of course. To find a heart will be the greatest +experience of all. One will watch your career with interest." + +"And describe it? Or are you afraid to risk my friendship?" + +"The only book that could offend Lady Lilith is one in which she does +not appear." + +For the next six months Arden was compelled to study her through the +press. Loring went abroad for the winter in his yacht, Lady Knightrider +withdrew to Scotland, and Lord Crawleigh moved his seat of government +from Berkeley Square to Hampshire. Despite the rival claims of a general +election, however, she secured creditable space in the daily and weekly +papers. A ball at Crawleigh Abbey was followed by an abortive rumour of +her engagement to her cousin Lord John Carstairs. A prompt and +unambiguous disclaimer was issued, but the findings of the commission, +which Lord Crawleigh appointed under his own chairmanship to investigate +his daughter's conduct, were such that he deemed it prudent to transfer +his seat of government from Hampshire to Cap Martin. A series of +photographs from the Riviera correspondent of the 'Catch' shewed her +walking demurely with her father, playing tennis and participating less +demurely in a battle of flowers and a fancy-dress carnival. + +In the spring of 1910 public interest was deflected to another branch of +the family, for Loring's engagement to Sonia Dainton was announced. But +by that time, as Arden pointed out, a man had only himself to blame if +he did not know all that was to be known of Lady Barbara Neave. + +"How poor Jim must loathe all this self-advertising," said Jack Waring, +when he met Arden at the County Club to discuss the engagement. "I've +never even seen her, but I've had _her_ and her _hats_ and her _clothes_ +thrust under my eyes by these infernal papers till I'm sick of them. +She's talented, she's charming. I know all the things she said to all +the big pots in India. When she is twenty-one she comes in for all her +godfather's money on condition that she marries a Catholic.... I suppose +there must be a public for this kind of stuff, or the papers wouldn't +print it; but she's on the level of a musical-comedy star. Arden, my +lad, I'm an old man, but I swear people had a little more dignity and +restraint in my young days. The one good thing about the court mourning +is that she doesn't get so much opportunity for her antics." + +"She'll emerge again, when it's over," Arden predicted. "Meanwhile, +London is becoming very tiresome. Has life lost its savour? Are we +growing old? One would give much for the tonic of a good scandal." + +"There'll be no lack of that," Jack prophesied, "judging from the people +I see in London nowadays." + + + + +CHAPTER THREE + +THE SPIRIT OF PAN + + "A maid too easily + Conceits herself to be + Those things + Her lover sings; + And being straitly wooed, + Believes herself the Good + And Fair + He seeks in her." + + FRANCIS THOMPSON: "ANY SAINT." + + +"D'you remember once saying that you wanted the tonic of a good +scandal?" asked Jack Waring one night three years later. "It was soon +after King Edward's death." + +"And we were all very respectable and dull." Valentine Arden roused from +sleep, blinked at the clock and rang for a whiskey and soda. "One +recalls it. There is a difference between court mourning and the second +coming of Christ, but the English are the last people in the world to +recognize it. And there is a difference between taking a tonic and being +pelted to death with medicine bottles. Since those days one scans the +paper each morning to see what new reputations have been lost. Who has +made the latest Roman holiday?" + +"Oh, it's this old business about your friend Barbara Neave." + +Jack threw the paper to Arden and took up another in which he could +read, with insignificant verbal changes, a second and equally gratifying +account of his own prowess in the Court of Appeal that day. Three years +earlier he had talked to Eric Lane of abandoning his unproductive +criminal work on circuit; he now wondered whether he dared abandon +circuit work altogether and concentrate on his London practice. After, +perhaps, six years more he would be wondering whether to risk his whole +practice by applying for silk. Success was none the less gratifying +because he had backed his own determination against the disparaging +anticipations of his friends. Jack knew as well as any one that he was +not a great lawyer; but natural shrewdness gained him a reputation for +sound judgement; slowness passed for caution; and the inelasticity which +saved him from seeing all round a case was reinforced by an obstinate +refusal to let go the single point which he had grasped. More than one +over-astute witness in those three years had entered the box with +assurance and left it in dismay. + +Only those who had known him longest wondered occasionally whether his +practice had not been bought at the price of his soul. The plea of work +and a ponderous affectation of age excused him from any effort to widen +his interests. As old a friend as Eric Lane was allowed to drop out of +his life; he refused to enter a new house and on one pretext or another +reduced the number of the old, until any time that he could spare from +work was divided between his club and his home in the country. At the +first his friends were at liberty to visit him, if they chose; but he +was obviously happier with the two Chancery silks and the one Indian +judge, all of them twice his age, in whose company he dined nightly. And +the influence of Red Roofs was even more lamentable on a man who was +born self-centred and opinionated; Mrs. Warning and Agnes idolized and +spoiled him, the colonel crystallized an intolerant conservatism of +ideas which was better justified as the mature experience of a +middle-aged soldier and country gentleman than as the untried prejudice +of a thirty-year-old barrister. "A man may be a prig or a bore or both," +said Pentyre at a time of temporary estrangement, "but he needn't be so +infernally pleased with himself about it." The school of sport and +fashion which Jack had once led at Oxford entertained the same feeling, +if it expressed it with more disappointment and less candour. + +"The coroner would seem to have spoken with visible emotion," commented +Arden, trying to disguise his relish as he read the paper which Jack had +thrown to him. "One wishes one had stayed to the end." + +"I've no doubt she'll try to use it as another advertisement," Jack +grunted. "What her unfortunate people must think.... _And_ what the +younger generation is coming to. It's a good thing for Jim that he's +being spared all this." + +"Yet he also has unselfishly contributed to the general diversion," said +Arden. + +Three years had passed since Sonia Dainton delighted her friends by +becoming engaged to Loring, and two since she astonished them by +breaking off the engagement. He had at once gone abroad and was reported +to be still cruising aimlessly in the East. The social ghouls had hardly +sated themselves with gossip, when Webster entangled himself with the +proprietress of a dancing academy and was constrained to pay damages for +breach of promise; and, while this case was still being discussed, Jack +Summertown proceeded to occupy the press for three days with an enquiry +into a series of minor outrages inflicted on an unpopular brother +officer. Valentine Arden sat through the whole variety programme, +unamused and detached, watching his friends succumbing one after another +to epidemic madness. "The spirit of Pan is abroad," he explained +gravely. + +Lady Barbara Neave had flitted on the outskirts of each new scandal; +but, since her flying accident, she had contributed no scandal of her +own. + +For the first year of the three she opened her social circuit as +comprehensively as an unfledged barrister. Lady Crawleigh carried her +from Milford to Kenworth, from Warmslow to Lenge and from Cheniston to +Granlake. Lady Barbara's interest in social analysis was roused and fed +by her tour of the great houses; they required a technique different +from the absolutism of Government House and the unaided personal +ascendancy of London; and, if she remained unabsorbed into the new +atmosphere, at least she returned to Crawleigh Abbey with a mature +country-house philosophy and clear-cut ideas of what to avoid and +extrude from her own parties. The second year was devoted to romantic +exploration. At the end of the court mourning she met a pleasant +undistinguished soldier on furlough and chose, for no better reason--so +far as her parents could see--than that he was already married, to fancy +herself in love with him. Their few meetings--and still more their +emotional parting--convinced at least the theatrical side of her +temperament that she had broken her heart in a hopeless passion. Always +thin, she artistically allowed herself to waste. For twelve teeming +months she passively accepted the worship of all who were intrigued by +her attitude of mystery and unresponsiveness; then native impatience +broke through the unconvincing crust of cynicism, and she returned to +London in a dangerous state of expectancy and unsatisfied excitement. In +the absence of an overt scandal, her father hoped that she was sobered +from the tomboy who had spread devastation through his three viceregal +terms of office; the lesser optimists opined that she was only awaiting +adequate opportunity. + +Disaster overtook her in the summer of 1913; and, whatever other +criticism was made, no one could deny that she won notoriety in the +grand manner. The facts, as disclosed in court, revealed that Sir Adolf +Erckmann had given a ball at his house in Westbourne Terrace. Lady +Barbara decided within a few minutes of her arrival that the party was +over-crowded and tiresome. Finding her slave Webster unoccupied, she +suggested that he should drive her to another dance in the country and +return to Westbourne Terrace when the congestion had been relieved. As +his own car was gone home, they explored the line until the unknown +chauffeur of some one else's car was persuaded to take them to +Rickmansworth, wait half an hour and bring them back. Lady Barbara +promised that there should be no awkward consequences, if they were +discovered; Webster substantiated her guarantee with a five-pound note; +and, by the time that they had further cajoled him with a stimulating +supper of champagne and cutlets, the driver's last reluctance was +overcome. + +The story was liberally punctuated with questions on the general +propriety of a girl's bribing a strange chauffeur and stealing an +unknown car, with comments, too, on the dignity of their carrying a +bottle of champagne and a plate of cutlets into the middle of Westbourne +Terrace. There followed a digression to discover how much had been +consumed; Lady Barbara and Webster asserted unshakably that the +chauffeur was sober and that, if his driving became erratic at any +point, this was due to his admitted ignorance of the route. + +While the question of sobriety was left in suspense, the expedition was +reconstructed to the moment when the car reached a fork in the road and +the chauffeur turned to Webster and asked "Right or left, sir?" Examined +on the question of speed, Lady Barbara was sure that they were not going +more than fifteen or twenty miles an hour; twenty-five at the outside, +Webster conceded unwillingly; they could not see the speedometer. It was +suggested, however, that they must have calculated how long the double +journey would take; they had even noticed when the car started and when +it stopped; a damaging calculation shewed that their average pace was +thirty-seven miles an hour and that, if they drove slowly out of London, +they must have reached forty-five or fifty miles an hour in the +country. And they had not told the man to moderate his pace; it even +seemed that they had encouraged him to drive faster. + +At the fork in the road Webster called out, "To the right, I think"; +then he saw that he was mistaken and shouted, "No! the left." In trying +to change direction, the chauffeur drove into a wedge-shaped brick wall +and was instantly killed. Lady Barbara and her companion escaped with a +severe shaking and a few scratches from the broken glass of the +wind-screen; the front of the car was smashed beyond repair. + +The accident took place in open country without a house in sight. As +soon as they saw that the driver was dead, Lady Barbara spread her cloak +over the crushed head and broken face; Webster's nerve was gone, and she +left him, whimpering, to guard the body, while she went in search of +help. An early market-cart came to their rescue, and they rumbled slowly +back to London, shivering in their thin clothes and glancing over their +shoulders at a pair of twisted legs in black gaiters, which protruded +stiffly from beneath a blood-stained cloak. + +The news swept through London in the evening papers, and Lady Barbara +was inundated next day with enquiries and messages of sympathy. So +grudging a critic as Jack Waring contended warmly at the County Club +that, apart from her silliness in rushing away to the country in the +middle of the night and borrowing a car without leave, she was really +not to blame; and it was a dreadful experience for any girl. By +comparison with Webster she had kept her head and behaved very properly, +taking the body straight to a hospital, communicating with the widow, +making herself personally responsible for a liberal pension and +undertaking to replace the shattered car. Before night two papers had +published sympathetic interviews with her, reproducing in her own not +undramatic words the abrupt transition from a careless drive to violent +death, the slow passage of a funeral procession between barren grey +fields, the silence and desolation of the night, the early-morning chill +which beat on her unprotected arms and shoulders and the haunting sense +of helplessness which dominated every other feeling. Inset was one +photograph of her in evening dress and another with hollow cheeks and +big ghostly eyes, in the subdued black frock which she had worn to +receive her interviewers; for these Jack blamed the notorious vulgarity +of the Press. + +Admiration changed again to pity when the inquest opened. Sonia Dainton, +who attended as an act of friendship, reported that the coroner was +underbred and ill-tempered; Lady Maitland, who felt no curiosity but did +not want Barbara to think that her friends were deserting her, added +that he was a natural bully; and the Duchess of Ross, who hated any +unpleasantness and only went--with Lord Poynter, Mrs. Shelley and Val +Arden--to give the girl confidence, brought back word that, to the best +of his ability and the utmost of his despotic functions, he was resolved +to humiliate Lady Barbara, to discredit her associates and, without +respect of persons, to put such a brand on her family and herself that +they would never again dare to shew themselves among decent men and +women. The witness learned on the first day that she was a pampered and +spoiled child; _blasée_ and restless, she would do anything for a new +excitement; with that absence of rudimentary decorum which some people +appeared to think "smart," she had lawlessly appropriated a car--the +coroner wondered what she would think if any one took one of her +father's cars "just for a joke"--she had helped to make the driver +intoxicated, thereby shewing characteristic disregard for the safety of +mere ordinary people who might also want to use the road; she or her +companion--was it usual for a girl to ride about at night unattended in +this way?--had incited the chauffeur to drive at a reckless rate of +speed. And the price of this prank--the momentary diversion of the Lady +Barbara Neave, daughter of the Marquis of Crawleigh, one time +Governor-General of Canada, Viceroy of India and Lord Lieutenant of +Ireland--was the hideous death of a man who left behind him a widow and +four small children. Lady Barbara, who naturally thought that money paid +for everything, was graciously and of her abundance trying to compute +the dead man's cash value to his wife. The hearing was adjourned for a +week, as Mr. Webster was indisposed by the shock of the accident. + +Had the coroner been inspired by malice, he could not have waged a +deadlier warfare than by taking three days for the inquest and allowing +intervals of a week for the case to be discussed. The stream of sympathy +ran dry; and, if no one criticized Lady Barbara to her face, every one +chattered about the enquiry and took his time from the coroner. +Repenting his precipitate tolerance, Jack Waring told the two Chancery +silks and the Indian judge that it was absurd for Crawleigh to say that +the man was abusing his position and stirring up class prejudice; when +one looked back over the last few years, one remembered a dozen things +which Lady Barbara had been allowed to do for no better reason than that +she was Lady Barbara Neave; but a line had really to be drawn somewhere. +If Crawleigh disliked having mud thrown at him in public, he should +exercise his authority with the girl; her friends were wholly +impossible.... + +By the time that Webster was well enough to give evidence, the tide was +in flood against him. The breach of promise case was fresh in the public +mind; and, if it could not relevantly be brought up against him, it had +at least familiarised his appearance and history and made a dark +background to his examination. Mr. Webster was a young man; he did not +work for his living, as he had considerable private means; in fact, he +had nothing to do except to spend money and amuse himself. Pressed to +state what good he was effecting for himself or the world at large, he +could only say that he was interested in the theatre and fond of +motoring--another instance of this small, rich, insistent class whose +social importance varied in inverse ratio as its public usefulness. Put +shortly, his object in life was to kill time, to avoid boredom. + +The story of the night drive was rehearsed a second time, as the coroner +wished to know who had proposed it; and the suspended question of the +driver's sobriety was brought up for retrial. A bottle of champagne had +been mentioned; had Mr. Webster and Lady Barbara partaken of it in their +idyllically democratic picnic? Mr. Webster had dined at his club; could +he remember what he had drunk with his dinner? His bill would no doubt +shew that. + +On the second adjournment a sordid note had been introduced, alienating +the last sympathisers and sinking a tragedy in a drunken frolic. No one +acquainted with Webster would associate him with a temperate life; those +who saw him for the first time in court with twitching hands, a puffy +face and flickering eyelids drew their own conclusions. If it was a +shock to look at Lady Barbara and to hear it suggested that she, too, +had been hardly accountable for her actions, the shock was not wholly +displeasing to those who believed in the rottenness of so-called +"society." + +"They say I've murdered the man," she whispered to her father, as she +left the court. "They've made the foulest insinuations about Fatty +Webster and me. Now they say I drink. There's not much left, is there? I +shouldn't be surprised if the people in the street hooted me." + +Lord Crawleigh chewed his blonde, viking moustache and hurried her +across the pavement into a closed car. He had never been present at an +inquest before; and a voice had murmured that the coroner was working +for a verdict of manslaughter. A nondescript crowd, dotted with cameras, +waited in a half-circle outside the court; it was curious, but at +present it was silent. Valentine Arden paused at the door and +ostentatiously raised his hat. He, too, would not have been surprised to +hear hooting; and he was disappointed to have no vivid contrast for his +gesture of chivalry. He wondered whether Lady Barbara was missing the +hostile demonstration; it would have been a new sensation.... + +On the third day she appeared once more in a black hat and dress and sat +with her veil up, waiting for the verdict and the coroner's comments. +Arden decided that she was modelling herself on Marie Antoinette and +hoped that she would be given an opportunity of speaking. At the end, +the jury found that death was due to misadventure; the reporters closed +their note-books, and Lord Crawleigh reached for his hat. Arden left at +once for fear of spoiling his earlier effect by repetition, but the +evening papers reported the invective of the coroner in full. + +_"I suggest to the representatives of the press that it is their duty to +give the widest publicity to this case. In an experience which goes back +for a good many years now, I have never regretted so bitterly that I +have no power to punish those who by wanton carelessness or evil +disposition contribute to the death of a man or woman as surely as if +they had killed him with their own hands. We have had an illuminating +picture of the life and habits of some of those who traditionally expect +us to look up to them for an example. If these people are too idle or +vicious or brainless to live a life which shall be of use to the +community, there should at least be power to restrain them from becoming +a source of public danger. The proper treatment for such incipient +hooligans and reformatory children is the birch-rod: I wish I had +authority to order it. Rank and wealth can only be defended if they +impose obligations: to these bright ornaments of the leisured classes +they only afford opportunities. There has been far too much of this kind +of thing lately, and I hope I shall never again be required to deal with +so disgraceful a case. These young hobbledehoys, unchecked by any +domestic discipline, unrestrained by common decency, owing no +obligation to any one, a law unto themselves, are a new and poisonous +growth in our social life. They fulfil no useful purpose, there is no +room for them."_ + +"There _was_ a hostile demonstration in the street," Arden announced, as +he came to the end of the report. + +"How she must have enjoyed it!" grunted Jack. + +"One wishes one had stayed to the end. The court was not unlike a gala +night at Covent Garden. You have read the descriptions of the dresses? +No?" + +"All this only encourages her," Jack pointed out. "I'm about the one man +in London who's succeeded in not meeting her, but, if there's ever a +revolution, that young woman will have done more than any one else to +bring it about. And she'll be photographed getting into the tumbril; and +some one will interview her on the scaffold. On my honour, I can't see +what amusement she gets out of it." + +"Emotion, drama, limelight, romance," Arden suggested. "Lady Barbara may +be sure that every one in London is talking about her at this moment; +London is her stage." + +"Well, she'll have to retire from it after this," said Jack. + +"She will re-emerge," Arden prophesied. + +Both predictions were fulfilled before the end of the summer. Lord +Crawleigh held his hand until the inquest was over, because he could not +trust himself to deal even justice while the offence was fresh. For +three weeks he was equally indifferent to Lady Barbara's tragic +attitude, the sympathy of friends and the infamies of a hostile press: +more than one anonymous letter reached him, to be read with a frown and +silently filed with the documents in the case; and it was reported that +a reference to his family had crept into the patter of a music-hall +comedian. In the rich silence of a choleric and expressive man the +nerves of family and retainers stretched to breaking-point. + +On the morrow of the verdict he assembled his wife and children in the +library, rehearsed the charges against Lady Barbara and made known his +will. Henceforward she was to go nowhere unless attended by her mother, +one of her brothers or her maid. The family would proceed to Crawleigh +Abbey that day and would remain there until further notice. The ball +which Lady Crawleigh was giving would be cancelled; his daughter was to +refuse all invitations already accepted and to accept no more. At the +end of the season she would stay in no house unless one at least of her +parents accompanied her. + +As he ended, Lady Barbara stole a glance round the hushed library. Her +three brothers were silent and submissive; her mother helpless and +pained, like an "honest broker" who saw the nations of the world flying +at one another's throats, when she had exhausted herself to keep the +peace; her father's eyes were burning, and he dragged at one side of his +moustache as though he were trying to tear it out by the roots. In every +altercation, great and small, Lady Barbara had to fight single-handed. + +"But, father, you seem to think this was my _fault_!" she cried in +bewilderment. + +Lord Crawleigh handed his wife a paper with fingers that trembled. + +"Here are the dates and trains," he said. "You will go to the Abbey by +the 4.10 from Waterloo. I shall join you at the end of the session." He +turned to his daughter without trusting himself to face her dark, +reproachful eyes. "I contemplate taking you to Raglan in August and +House of Steynes in September, if your aunts see fit not to withdraw +your invitation----" + +"But how long is this going on?" Lady Barbara interrupted. + +"I cannot permit any discussion," he answered in something that was half +a whisper and half a sigh. + +Lady Barbara looked at him reflectively and went to her room. When she +came of age, in little more than a year's time, he would have no means +of coercing her. Without waiting a year she could go to Harry Manders +and demand to be given a part; he had offered her one in her own +duologue. But the tension of the last three weeks and the dazing +examination and attack at the inquest had left her uncertain of herself. +A day or two at the Abbey, even though she were snatched away in the +middle of the season, would give her time to find her bearings and +discover what people really thought of her. + +The more she pondered, the deeper grew her bewilderment. If all had gone +well, the dash to Rickmansworth and back would have been regarded as a +wholly innocent diversion in the course of a tiresome evening; on her +return every one else would have regretted that he had not come too; +even the borrowing of the car was venial, for the owner refused to +accept any compensation, though the insurance company might well make +difficulties; even he regarded the expedition as a joke, which had +unhappily turned to tragedy, and was far sorrier that Lady Barbara +should have been upset than that the chauffeur should have been killed. + +If the facts, then, were innocent, she was being persecuted by the +coroner and threatened with persecution by society at large for an +accident to which she had contributed nothing. The chauffeur was sober +enough to drive through dense traffic on the Harrow Road; Webster--she +remembered his words--had looked at his watch and said through the +speaking-tube, "You can let her out a bit now, I should think. We don't +want to keep you out too long." The charge that any one of them was +drunk would have been more insulting if it had been less grotesque. And +for this the coroner had suggested that she should be ostracized. And +her simple-minded father imagined that there were other simple-minded +souls who would take such a Jack-in-office at his own pontifical +valuation. + +She almost hoped that they would, so that she might force them in +triumph to acknowledge her innocence. To start as an outcast and win her +way back was a dramatic dream which almost made her wish that she was +guilty. To become an outcast might be as dramatic as to rise from +obscurity to a pinnacle of fame.... Napoleon owed half his place in +history to St. Helena. + +An undistracted fortnight at the Abbey cooled Lady Barbara's resentment +and checked the more romantic flights of her imagination. Her father's +judgement was clearly at fault; to run away was to admit herself in the +wrong. By the time that she had got herself into perspective, the season +was so near its end that she did not think it worth while to make a +demonstration and to occupy her room in Berkeley Square by force. But +the late summer and autumn lay before her, and, when her father came to +the Abbey for a week-end in July, she informed him that she had not yet +cancelled any of her arrangements for staying with friends. + +"You will remain here till we go to the Riviera in February," he +answered. + +"But, father, I'm not going to. This is quite serious. I've been here a +month without seeing a soul; I should go mad, if I had to vegetate for +another seven months. If you won't let me go, I'm afraid I must go +without your leave." + +"That may not be as easy as you think." + +"What d'you mean?" + +Lord Crawleigh unlocked a red leather despatch-box, turned over his +files and produced a sheet of paper which he spread before her. + +"This is a copy of a cable which your cousin has sent to his mother from +Surinam. I had intended taking you to House of Steynes, but that is out +of the question now." + +_"Please arrange that Barbara and her friend are not admitted to my +house. This applies to Monmouthshire and Scotland as well as London."_ + +Lady Barbara handed back the paper and tried to laugh, but she knew +that her expression was out of control. If the news had reached Surinam, +it had reached every cable-station on the way; and the operators had +hardly done feasting themselves on the inquest before a message, signed +"Loring" and mentioning her by name, added a dainty titbit to the +savoury repast. Sooner or later it would be common property that her own +cousin had slammed his door in her face for fear of contamination; the +family would be divided into those who knew her and those who publicly +refused to know her; she would become a test-case for disreputability. + +"Jim has his own standards of loyalty, hasn't he?" she commented and was +infuriated to find her voice trembling. "He's usually so keen on the +family that I shouldn't have thought he'd have wanted to take the whole +world into his confidence. One good thing, he can't call _me_ +self-advertising after this. Have you seen the darling boy's mother? Is +she--_proud_ of him over this?" + +"She was as much shocked as I was that you should have made it +necessary." + +"I? Father, you can't make me responsible for _this_. But is she proud +of his chivalry? And I suppose _you_ didn't make a fight for me? I must +see her. I want to tell her about the accident." She pressed her hands +to cheeks which were still hollow from the anxiety of the last two +months and looked at her father over her finger-tips. "I'd never seen +any one killed before, I'd never seen a dead body; and I couldn't sleep +at night, because of it. I kept seeing that unhappy woman's face, too, +when I had to tell her that her husband was dead. I didn't ask for +sympathy, but I thought perhaps my own father and mother might have seen +that I wasn't exactly--enjoying myself, that I was ill, worried out of +my mind. If _I_ had a daughter, I should have felt for her, I think, +when a foul-mouthed little reptile hinted that she was _drunk_ and that +her _lover_ had helped her kill an innocent man for her own amusement. +Never a word! Do you know that for three weeks you only said +'Good-morning' to me, father? Even if I was guilty a hundred times over, +it wouldn't have compromised you to be sorry that I was suffering. I +don't complain. You at least left me alone. But Jim waits till I'm +beaten to my knees, waits till I'm bleeding--and then hits wherever he +can see a bruise or wound. That _wasn't_ necessary, father." + +Lord Crawleigh rearranged his papers without answering. He was himself +so much humiliated by his nephew's cable that he had hardly thought how +it might affect Barbara. She was always most formidable when she stood, +as now, with drooping head, composed and subdued, speaking in an +undertone and rejecting in advance any sympathy that he might belatedly +offer her. She had learned in childhood to fight men with their own +weapons and to fall back on her sex when the battle was going against +her. He had seen her trading on pathos a hundred times with her mother +and aunts, using to full advantage a pose of tired frailty, a wistful +mouth and big eyes which filled with tears at will or flashed black with +indignation; she could droop her head and body until she looked like a +tortured martyr, or cough until she looked consumptive. Almost certainly +she was acting now, but her passion for romance and a dramatic impact +led her to act without knowing it. + +"If you had behaved properly, this would not have happened," he threw +out with weak, inconsequent irritability. + +"It's too late now. Are you going to House of Steynes? Do you allow +people to say that they'll be glad to see you on condition you don't +bring your daughter with you? And will you invite Amy and Aunt Eleanor +here to meet somebody who can't be admitted to their house?" + +Lord Crawleigh had enough imagination to see the more obvious +consequences of his nephew's ultimatum; but he could not devise an +effective reply, and it was merely exasperating to have his own +disadvantage explored and stated by Barbara. + +"I talked to your aunt. She says she daren't go against Jim's wishes. +After all, they're his houses. She's writing to him----" + +"To intercede for me?" Lady Barbara interrupted scornfully. "When next I +enter House of Steynes, it will be on his invitation. And, before I +allow him to invite me, he will apologize." + +"It's no use taking _that_ line," cried her father testily. Her last two +sentences had exceeded the probable limits of sincerity, and he swooped +before she could escape into a convincing pathos. "If _any one_ ought to +apologize----" + +Lady Barbara caught sight of her reflection, full-length, in a mirror, +with her father fidgetting at her side. He looked insignificant, almost +ridiculous, with his domed forehead and straggling blonde moustache, his +short body and long legs. She wanted to make him see himself and to play +up to their two reflections like Metternich and L'Aiglon in the mirror +scene. + +"I can only apologize for the fact of my existence," she sighed. "I was +_not_ responsible, father, and you know it. And, instead of standing up +for your own daughter, you let her be insulted. I can't do anything with +people who stab in the back, but I'm ready to meet every one! I _will_ +meet them. If they want to insult me, they can insult me to my face." + +The embargo on Lady Barbara's presence only extended to the houses +controlled by her cousin. In August she went to stay with Lady +Knightrider in Raglan and was received with demonstrative affection. A +gentle reaction had set in, inspired directly by Lord Crawleigh and +aided by all who felt that Jim Loring's precipitous cable had placed the +family in an intolerable position. Working in a sympathetic atmosphere, +Lady Barbara enlisted her aunt's support in a campaign which was to +rehabilitate her or at least to shew whether she stood in need of +rehabilitation. As soon as they returned to London for the autumn, Lady +Knightrider undertook to give a dance and to insist that Lady Loring +and Amy should come; if Jim were home by then, she would make him come, +too, and the whole ridiculous quarrel would be forgotten. Lady Barbara +intended to go farther than the settlement of a family difference. The +party should be a challenge to all who felt disposed to criticise her; +she was determined to appear side by side with Webster and to give them +their opportunity; and any one who declined to come would have to shew +convincing justification for his refusal. + +The invitations were sent out six weeks in advance; Lady Knightrider +reasoned with those who made excuses, sent reminders to those who had +accepted and surrounded herself with a staff of energetic lieutenants. + +"_You're_ coming on, Val, aren't you?" asked George Oakleigh +distractedly on the night of the ball, as he prowled hungrily through +the County Club with a list in his hand. He had undertaken to bring six +men and was bribing them beforehand with dinner. + +"A doubt has crept in," Arden replied uncertainly. "One invitation may +be attributed to hospitality; four suggest panic." + +"Well, if there are too few men, you'll be all the more popular; if +there are too many, you can go home early. Gerry, I'm counting on you." + +Deganway paused for an instant on his way to the cloak-room. + +"My dear, I wouldn't miss it for anything." + +Oakleigh added a tick to his list and hurried after Jack Waring. They +were still disputing, when Eric Lane was announced. + +"I don't dance, I can't talk and I want to go to bed," said Jack firmly. + +"You can go after half an hour," Oakleigh promised. + +"Well, I'll come for one cigar, if Eric comes too. I'm an old man, +George; I haven't been to a ball for ten years." + +At eleven o'clock Oakleigh convoyed them securely into the drawing-room +of Lady Knightrider's house in South Street. By the test of numbers the +dance promised well, for the house was already crowded and Lady +Barbara's relations were in full attendance. Her triumph was left +incomplete by the absence of Webster, but he had been snubbed more than +once in the last few months and was waiting for time to heal his +reputation. She had spent the afternoon arguing with him until she felt +her dignity compromised, and the embers of her ill-humour smouldered +through the night. + +By prearrangement Jack escaped to the smoking-room for a cigar, while +Eric unbosomed himself of news which had been choking him for three +days; Harry Manders had accepted a play, which was to be produced in the +following autumn; after eight years of disappointment the daydream was +being realized. They were still bandying congratulations and thanks, +when the smoking-room was invaded by Deganway and a girl. + +"Isn't that the famous Lady Barbara Neave?" Eric whispered. + +Jack half turned and shook his head. + +"Don't ask me. I'm shortly starring at the Halls as the one man in the +world who doesn't know her and doesn't want to. I think it must be, all +the same. Gerry seems to be getting called over the coals for +something." + +Lady Barbara's annoyance with Webster was spending itself on Deganway. +There were long silences, broken by deferential squeaks of small-talk +from him and restored by petulant rejoinders from her. She treated her +companion with a contempt that was almost insolent and jumped restlessly +to her feet, as the band began to tune up. Deganway hurried after her to +the door, and the calm of the smoking room was only disturbed by +half-heard music and the sound of high, rapid voices on the stairs. As +his second cigar burnt low, Jack looked at his watch and beckoned Eric +from his chair. + +"Come and say good-bye; then you can drop me at the club," he +suggested. + +They steered a tortuous and apologetic course through the couples seated +on the stairs and looked hopelessly for Lady Knightrider. In their +absence the drawing-room had filled to overflowing, and the landings and +balconies were packed to the limit of their capacity. As the next dance +started, Deganway entered, blinking in the light, from one of the open +French windows; Lady Barbara was still with him, but, as the music +began, she was claimed and taken away. + +"First time I've ever seen you indulging in frivolities like this, +Jack," he said, letting fall his eye-glass and hunting for his +cigarette-case. + +"Well, I don't dance, and the conventional alternative is to talk to +young women," answered Jack. "I confess that I can imagine less dreary +pastimes--for both." + +"That depends on the woman. I've spent most of the evening with Babs +Neave. My dear, there's plenty of excitement in talking to _her_! Care +to meet her?" + +"I'm going home as soon as I've found Lady Knightrider," Jack answered. + +"It'd pay you to talk to her for a bit. Let me introduce you! She's +awful good fun--doesn't care a damn what she says or does----" + +"That's her general reputation," interrupted Jack. + +"Oh, you mustn't believe everything you hear about her. She's quite all +right _really_; awful nice girl. Let me introduce you!" + +Jack shook his head and took Eric by the arm. + +"My dear Deganway, I've no doubt she's everything you say, but I don't +care a great lot for the Websters and Penningtons and Welmans and +Erckmanns and all that gang that she goes about with. They're such +devilish bad style. Good-night." + +Deganway grinned maliciously. + +"I've a good mind to tell her what you said. Do her no end of good. And +I should get a bit of my own back after the way she's been ragging me." + +They stood talking by the door until the music stopped. Then Jack and +Eric turned and went downstairs, while Deganway sidled up to Lady +Barbara. + +"No, you're tiresome to-night," she told him, when he asked for another +dance. "Who are those two going out? I don't know them." + +"The fair one's Jack Waring----" + +"Well, I should like to know him," Lady Barbara interrupted. "I'm tired +of everybody." + +Deganway hurried obediently out of the room and returned a moment later +with a smirk of satisfaction. + +"Try again, Babs," he suggested. "Waring's not taking any." + +"Do talk intelligibly, Gerry!" + +"Well, I told him _before_ that he ought to meet you. I said what good +fun you were and what he was missing and all that sort of thing----" + +Lady Barbara shivered at the blunt catalogue of her charms. + +"What did he say?" + +By natural compensation Deganway atoned for certain defects of +intelligence by an excellent power of mimicry. He gave not only Jack's +lilt and phraseology, but his facial changes and rather prim, +tight-lipped smile. + +"I tried him again," he added, "but he said he _must_ go to bed. I don't +believe he wanted to meet you." + +Lady Barbara smiled composedly, but the brusque rebuff, brusquely +quoted, wounded her pride as nothing had done since Jim's cable. Some +one had taken up the challenge, as she had feared--or hoped. + +"Sorry he's so hard to please," she answered lightly. "You can give me +some supper, if you like. Who and what is he? A candid critic is so rare +that I should quite like to meet him." + + + + +CHAPTER FOUR + +APHRODITE DEMI-MONDAINE + + "What rage for fame attends both great and small! + Better be d----d than mentioned not at all!" + + JOHN WOLCOTT: "TO THE ROYAL ACADEMICIANS." + + +"_The Princess Juanita dawned upon respectability like Aphrodite rising +from the gutters._" + +According to Mrs. Shelley, as quoted by Eric to George Oakleigh and the +author, this was the opening sentence of Valentine Arden's "New +Jerusalem," and she had given a luncheon party on the strength of it. +Since her husband's death, Eric had edged gently away from her +self-conscious artistic menagerie; he had been recaptured for a moment +after the Coronation, when his father was knighted for "eminent services +to the study of Anglo-Saxon" and he could himself be introduced as "the +son of Sir Francis Lane, you know"; and it was no sooner hinted that a +play of his had been accepted by Harry Manders than she dragged him back +into his cage with a tacit order to stay there until his public interest +was exhausted. + +It was Mrs. Shelley's practice to read every book of importance on the +day of publication; it was her ambition to know all about it before it +was written. The new satire, she informed her guests, had engaged +Arden's energies for two years and presented a picture of London society +under the empire of Sir Adolf Erckmann and the cosmopolitans; the forces +of respectability had not escaped the impartial lash of his ridicule, +and almost every character was a portrait. Mrs. Welman waltzed +unmistakably over the glittering pages with Sir Deryk Lancing; Lord +Pennington, Jack Summertown and the Baroness Kohnstadt flitted from +place to place like the chorus of a musical comedy, and every scandal of +the last ten years was described or mentioned. If the book were ever +published, Mrs. Shelley was convinced that the heavens would rain writs +for libel; certainly no one would continue to know the author. She had +reasoned with him, but he was apparently tired of London and +contemplated impressing his personality on New York. + +While no one was secure, Eric gathered that the greatest speculation +surrounded the identity of "Princess Juanita." Mrs. Shelley maintained +that the character must be intended for Sonia Dainton, who had joined +the Erckmann faction when she broke off her engagement with Loring; Lady +Maitland, who was still smarting in the belief that Arden had sketched +her for his earlier "Madame Chasseresse-de-Lions," had no doubt that he +was now squirting his poison at Lady Barbara Neave. "A man like that," +she told Mrs. Shelley, "would never waste time on a commoner like Sonia +Dainton when he could besmirch the daughter of a marquess and tickle his +wretched provincial audience by calling her a princess." Her bitter +words were repeated to the author, who announced that he was giving his +book the sub-title "Commoner and Commoner," and dedicating it to Lady +Maitland. Only when he was tired of his friends' good advice did he +admit that the satire existed but in his imagination. + +"One is taken altogether too literally," he complained to his friends in +the smoking-room of the Thespian Club. "A grim, cultured hostess, +spectacled young poets having their own poems explained to them by Lady +Poynter, a dinner which one ate and tried to forget, furtive confidences +on the wine from Lord Poynter, a succession of _longueurs_--you see the +scene? Chelsea.... Earnestness.... Ill-assortment.... Without any wish +to _épater le bourgeois_, one played with an idea, developed it, +invented characters, let fall a phrase.... Perhaps one has allowed good +Sir Adolf to obsess one's mind.... It was not a remarkable phrase; but +one could hardly have caused a greater stir if one had telegraphed +anonymously to one's friends--"_Fly. All is known._" Lady Knightrider +almost offered one a blank cheque to stop publication. A _jeu d'esprit_ +must be labelled before it is offered to the English." + +"Well, I'm glad the book's not going to be published," said Oakleigh. +"That little gang's had quite enough advertisement without any help from +you." + +"One hates to disappoint Lady Barbara," answered Arden reflectively. +"Undeniably she compels a reluctant admiration. She has lived in three +continents--in regal state; she has met every one and done everything; +in her leisure she has written plays, selected poetry, exhibited +caricatures--not altogether contemptible--of her family and friends, +patronized new schools of decoration, invented new fashions of dress +and, as all the world knows, worn them. What remained? One met her first +some years ago and asked oneself that question. It is still unanswered!" + +"At present she's bolstering up two or three dozen people who are only +received on the strength of her name," Oakleigh replied. "And she's +going to find that her name isn't strong enough to carry them." + +"These people go to her head," Arden replied with disgust. "One credited +her with more detachment." + +The campaign of rehabilitation had not been an unqualified success. Lady +Knightrider aimed at reconciling Barbara with her relations rather than +at reconciling her relations with her friends. There was an implied +threat that she must choose one or the other; and a prevalent feeling +was crystallized by Jack Waring, when he said that she was not worth +knowing at the price of having to know her disorderly retinue. While she +welcomed the concordat, Lady Barbara could not explain to Sir Adolf +Erckmann that he was her fit companion one day and unfit the next; she +might gently repel a cosmopolitan here and there, but she could not +refuse all their invitations always; loyalty imposed its obligations, +and stronger than loyalty was an impatient desire to tell other people +to mind their own business. Yet the concordat might have endured, if the +discussion of Arden's hypothetical book had not impelled Lady +Knightrider hot-foot from Mrs. Shelley's house to his rooms at the Ritz. +Not content with her legitimate relief at finding that "Princess +Juanita" was no less a myth than "The New Jerusalem," she confided to +Arden that dear Barbara _did_ go about with "really rather dreadful +people"; some one at her party had said that the girl's friends were +such that he preferred not to know her. So long as she associated with +them, it was only too probable that there would be another +unpleasantness of some kind. + +"I really think it my duty," she said on leaving, "to drop a little hint +to my sister." + +The nods and winks of verbal warning are apt to take on an exaggerated +significance when defined in black and white. On receipt of the letter +Lord Crawleigh motored to London and opened a new commission of enquiry +to investigate the personal desirability of his daughter's associates. +If Lady Barbara was at first bewildered, she was in no way daunted, for +in the endless intermingling of groups throughout London she could +usually find a sponsor for the most draggled of her friends. Sir Adolf +Erckmann's private life might lead him into the Divorce Court, he might +even be the "vulgar, common fellow" that her father described, but he +had dined in Berkeley Square as a member of Lord Crawleigh's +Departmental Committee on Indian Currency Reform. Lady Crawleigh always +went to the vulgar, common fellow's famous musical parties in Westbourne +Terrace. Lady Barbara had originally met Mrs. Welman at a performance of +"The School for Scandal," organized by Lady Maitland for charity, and +had naturally accepted the implied guarantee; it was not against civil, +canon or moral law for a woman to have been on the stage. Those who, +like Webster, could not so easily be defended were pushed into the +background. The battle of wits ceased to be amusing when Lord Crawleigh +repeated his threat that Barbara would not be allowed to go anywhere +unless she were suitably chaperoned. The dreary banishment at the Abbey +lingered in her memory as a summer stolen out of her life. As her +patience ebbed, she decided that there must be an end of these +inquisitions. + +It was easy to trace her present plight through Lady Knightrider to Val +Arden; but there was some one behind Arden, for her father claimed to +have chapter and verse for saying that people were refusing to know her +so long as she associated with her present friends. With a shock of +surprise she recalled a self-satisfied young man who had in fact met her +invitation to be introduced with a drawling, "Thanks very much. She may +be all you say, but...." + +It was incredible that one bumptious boy could do so much harm.... Even +when the commission adjourned without arriving at an agreed report, Lady +Barbara felt that a vendetta was being forced upon her.... + +She had no plan of campaign and knew nothing of her adversary but his +name. Apart from Gerry Deganway she did not know of any one who was +acquainted with him; and Deganway had done enough harm already without +being given new opportunities. But, if the vendetta required resource, +resource should be forthcoming. She called on Sonia Dainton the day +after her father's inquisition and proposed that they should go for a +drive. As the car entered the Park by Albert Gate, she pretended to +recognize a face and said: + +"Wasn't that Jack Waring?" + +"I didn't see," Sonia answered. + +"It was like him--though I don't know him to speak to." + +"You'll find him very sticky. He's a great friend of your cousin Jim. +When we were engaged, I used to see a certain amount of him. He's a +heavy, Stone-Age creature; when he and Jim and George Oakleigh put their +wise old heads together, there was nothing they wouldn't disapprove of!" + +"I hear he's been good enough to criticize _me_," said Lady Barbara +carelessly. + +"When he doesn't even know you? What did he say?" asked Sonia. + +"Oh, what does it matter? Some one started a story the other day that I +took drugs. Li Webster heard a woman say, 'I was told by a friend who'd +been to the same dressmaker; her arm was all red and pulpy; I believe +she's been doing it for years and that's why she always wears long +sleeves at night.' Have you _ever_ seen me in long sleeves, Sonia. I've +got much too good arms! And, if I wanted to take the beastly stuff, +shouldn't I have it injected where it wouldn't shew? I _did_ want to +meet that woman--just to tell her to use her brains. And, if I ever meet +your friend Mr. Waring----" + +"My dear, he's not _my_ friend! I was asked down to Croxton for the hunt +ball at the end of this month; I made Bobby Pentyre tell me who was +going to be there and, when I saw Jack Waring's name, I said 'nothin' +doin'.' I know those hunt balls! Vermilion men in pink coats.... Jack +will be just in his element; he'll support a wall and tell everybody +that he doesn't know any of 'these modern dances,' as though it were +something to be proud of." + +Lady Barbara laughed mechanically and sorted the new information into +its appropriate pigeon-hole. She was dining and going to a play that +night with Summertown and his sister; Sally Farwell's passion for +Pentyre had become a habit, and, if he did not reciprocate her passion, +he could hardly refuse her friend an invitation for the ball. Once +within the same house as Jack Waring, she had decided nothing save that +he could not be allowed to walk through the world with his nose in the +air, saying that she or her friends were "bad style." + +A week later she arrived at Croxton Hall and explored the terrain for +the engagement. Waring, she learned, came once a year into +Buckinghamshire from old habit, because he had hunted with the Croxton +from Oxford; he was returning to chambers by the breakfast-car train +next day. She had few hours for making her effect; and they were further +reduced when Jack drove up three-quarters of an hour late to find that +the house-party was already dressed and busily adjusting its +relationships. Lady Pentyre scrambled through half a dozen introductions +in as many seconds and hurried her guests into the dining-room, without +giving him time to dress or even to see who was there; Barbara, standing +a little behind the others, escaped notice; and, when she found herself +seated by prearrangement at his side, she had to introduce herself. + +"I believe you're a great friend of Jim's," she began. "He's a cousin of +mine, and I've often heard him speak of you." + +Jack was already disconcerted by having to dine unwashed and in a tweed +suit; and his embarrassment increased as he guessed at her identity. For +a while he would only talk disjointedly of Jim Loring, varying his +conversation with apologies for his tweed suit; he had been kept late +with a consultation, and, when he began to change in the train, two +women got in at Bletchley. Barbara fastened on the consultation and with +deft questions encouraged him to talk about his work. She had sat next +to so many shy young men at official dinners that she could put any one +at his ease. At her prompting and wholly unconscious of it, Jack +discoursed of the bar in general and his own practice in particular for +three-quarters of the dinner and was agreeably surprised to find her so +intelligent a listener. + +"I oughtn't to be here, really," he confided. "I haven't the time or +energy for this kind of thing, but the Croxton's an old love of mine, +I've not missed a Croxton ball since I was at Oxford." He was tempted to +describe his first Croxton ball; but it was a long story, and he +discovered that he had been monopolizing the conversation. "You're a +great dancer, I expect?" he said with the indulgence of early middle +age. "I look forward to watching you to-night." + +Lady Barbara began to shake her head and then stopped with closed eyes +and a bitten lip. + +"I'm not going," she answered. "I've had such an awful headache all +day." + +"I'm so sorry! I don't dance myself, but I hoped you might spare me one +or two for sitting out. If you're _interested_ in law--the bar's by no +means the dry-as-dust life some people think." + +Talking to her was so easy that Jack had half determined to ask if he +might have supper with her. Of the rest of the evening he could dispose +comfortably enough by gossiping with old Gervaise, who had been in his +father's regiment, and the other veterans of the hunt. Lady Pentyre +never regarded him as a dancing man in making up her numbers. It would +not be half so easy to find common ground with Sally Farwell or Grace +Pentyre; without meaning to be unsympathetic, he felt that Lady Barbara +might have chosen any other night of the year for her headache. + +"It'll be better, when you get there," he prophesied encouragingly and +wondered whether she would mistake his convenience for her own triumph. +So far he had not looked at her, but he now stole a glance out of the +corner of his eye and saw a straight, thin nose, haggard cheeks that had +a pathetic fascination for him and a mouth which drooped wistfully; the +lips were red, her eyes a velvet black, fringed with long black lashes +and shaded with dark rings, changing colour and size like a cat's. The +white, hollow cheeks combined with the dark eyes and red lips to +suggest ravaging dissipation or ill-health; he would never be surprised +to be told that she was consumptive. And he could not understand how any +one so thin could be so attractive. + +She caught him watching her and forced a smile. + +"I've only been doing rather too much lately, I expect," she said. + +"That I can well believe. But after dinner--I say, have you had +_anything_ to eat?" + +"I had some melon.... But I'm not very hungry. If I _don't_ go, don't +tell Aunt Kathleen--Lady Knightrider, you know--will you? She gave me +this dress specially and she'd be so awfully disappointed." + +"Jolly dress," Jack answered, looking unanalytically at something which +he could only remember afterwards as being generally black--with bits of +silver here and there--and little transparent triangular pendants +hanging down from shoulder to elbow. "I hope you'll be able to come." + +"I shan't be able to dance," she sighed. "Every time I turn my head--Oo! +I did it then! It's like a red-hot needle at the back of the eyes...." +She picked up her gloves and held out a hand, as the butler announced +that the cars were at the door. "I'll say good-night and good-bye. I +hope you'll enjoy yourself. And I hope I've not been too unutterably +boring." + +Jack felt her hand pulling gently against his. + +"When I'm trying to persuade you to come on with us?" he asked. + +Lady Barbara shut her eyes in a second spasm of pain. + +"Do you really want me to?" + +"If you're up to it." + +"I will, if you want me to," she promised. + +For many years longer than Jack could remember, the Croxton Ball had +taken place in the vast and half-derelict "King's Arms," once famous, +with its long coffee-room and unlimited stabling, as the best +posting-house in the county and the beginning of the last stage for +coaches running from the east and northeast coast through Oxford to +South Wales and the west. Once a year the dingy grey-stone hotel, +filling one side of the market-place, blazed with unaccustomed light; +and the barrack of stables behind awoke to welcome the procession of +tightly-packed cars that explored their way with long white fingers down +the broad, uneven village street. + +Jack changed his clothes and joined a shivering group by the fire in the +Commercial Room. Lady Barbara was sitting apart, sniffing a bottle of +salts and gently repelling those who tried to engage her for a dance. + +"She oughtn't to have come," murmured Lady Pentyre, who neither +understood nor forgave her son for this eleventh-hour addition. After +the disgraceful episode of the poker-party, she had vowed never to have +the girl in her house again; and these later scandals were no +recommendation to leniency. But, before she could hint at her +objections, she was told that the invitation had already been issued. +"If she's beginning a chill or anything----" + +Jack crossed to the distant chair and was welcomed with a smile. + +"How nice you look in that coat!" Lady Barbara cried. "Are those the +Croxton buttons?" + +"Yes.... May I sit and talk, if you didn't have too much of me at +dinner? I feel responsible for bringing you here, you know." + +"But I love doing what people ask me! It's my greatest self-indulgence. +When are they going to begin, and what's all the fuss about in the +hall?" + +A babble of angry voices floated through the open door--criticism, +suggestions and conflicting orders. The Secretary came in frowning and +snatched at all members of the Committee within reach. + +"I'll never go to those people again!" he thundered. "After all these +years, too. Band hung up on the road. Wrong train. They won't be here +for half an hour!" + +A murmur of disappointment swelled through the room, eddying round the +hall and rising from group to group on the stairs and in the ball-room. + +Lady Barbara sat up alert, without any trace of headache or fatigue. The +red lips were parted expectantly, with a gleam of small white teeth. + +"I'll play!" + +She darted from her chair, humming to herself and only pausing to +crumple her scarf into a ball and to toss it with her gloves to Jack. He +caught it mechanically, wonderingly. In a moment the grave-voiced girl +with the tragic eyes and hint of consumption had transformed herself +into something untamed, with shining eyes and irresponsible +restlessness. He listened to her voice growing fainter on the stairs, +then looked with some embarrassment at the crumpled scarf and gloves. + + + "Sometime, somehow, somewhere-- + How should I know or care?-- + It is written above + That fortune and love + Are waiting for me somewhere..." + + +The strict waltz rhythm was slightly modified to give scope to the +voice; but no one had began to dance when Jack went upstairs, and Lady +Barbara had to break off and say: + +"Do begin, some one!" + +"We want to hear you sing," murmured a diffident voice. + +"Rubbish! What d'you like? Ragtime? A waltz?" + + + "When you are in love, + All the world is fair; + Hearts are light with laughter gay; + Roses,--roses all the way..." + + +Bobby Pentyre and Sally Farwell edged through the door; Summertown and +his partner followed, and within two minutes the room was +three-quarters full. Jack squeezed his way forward for a better view. +Lady Barbara played tirelessly, modulating from waltz to waltz, humming +a line here, whistling two bars there, until the Master panted up to the +piano and cried "time." She laughed and sat back on the music-stool, +softly fingering the keys and looking round the ball-room to see who was +there. Jack stood self-consciously stranded by the door, assuring +himself of the line of his tie, pulling down his waistcoat and glancing +at the hang of his knee-breeches. Her eyes met his, and she smiled. + +"Say when you want me to begin again," she called out. + +"Give us just a moment," begged the Secretary. + +She struck a chord and threw "Lord Rendel" at them with such tragic +intensity that, at the end, Summertown raised a husky view-holloa of +applause and the decorous group at the door clapped noiselessly. Jack +always freely confessed that he knew nothing of music, but he felt +bathed in delightful irresponsibility, as Lady Barbara mingled old +English ballads with plantation songs and jolting ragtime with waltzes +which seemed to draw his heart out of his body. She was gloriously free +from self-consciousness. After two false starts, which were not lost on +her, he crossed the room in the wake of a little party which went to beg +for its favourite tunes. + +"Awfully good of you to play like this," he said, as the others edged +away. "I hope you're not making the headache worse?" + +"I love making people happy." She stretched out her foot and pulled a +chair beside her stool. "Tell me what you'd like me to play. D'you know +"Deirdre of the Sorrows"? Not the play, but the waltz. Little O'Rane +wrote it. You know him, I expect, he's a great friend of my cousin Jim." +At the first chords of the waltz, couples from all round the room rose +and began to dance. Jack threw one leg over the other and pushed his +chair a short way back, faintly and belatedly embarrassed to find +himself marooned on the dais by her side. "Mr. Waring----" + +"Yes?" + +"I want to ask you one question. You needn't answer it, unless you +like.... And then we'll leave it alone. I'm not as bad as you expected?" + +Though he had warned himself at the beginning of dinner to be untiringly +on his guard, Jack looked up with a start. She was absorbed in the +music; her head was bowed, and she only raised it to glance with +half-closed eyes at the dancers, occasionally concentrating on one +couple and regulating her time by theirs. + +"You've answered your own question. Rather inadequately," he added. + +"Thank you ... I wish you danced! You're missing such a lot!" + +"Am I? Lady Barbara, why on earth did you ask me that?" + +Her head drooped lower over the keys. + +"Because it hurt so!" she whispered tremulously. "Am I so vulgar?" + +"Do you imagine you're quoting me?" + +"Oh, Mr. Waring, be honest! You despised me before you met me. Do you +now?" + +"It's the last thing I should dream of doing." + +"Well, wasn't it rather unfair--before you even knew me? It's done me a +lot of harm ... and it hurt so terribly. If you were just to say you +were sorry----?" + +Her humility was so unexpected as to be bewildering. + +"My dear Lady Barbara, I've only seen you once before!" he exclaimed. "I +_did_ say something about you then; I criticized the people you went +about with, if you're referring to that." + +"Then you don't despise _me_?" + +"You're the greatest revelation I've ever had." + +As the waltz quickened to the coda, a stout, flamboyant figure appeared +in the doorway, attended by a sallow escort armed with music-cases and +instruments. The Secretary ended a warm exchange of invective to cross +the room and thank Lady Barbara. Refusing to give an encore to the +waltz, she bowed to Jack and hurried out of the room. + +Half-way down the stairs he overtook her and asked to be allowed to sit +out the next dance with her. + +"We can hardly leave it like this, can we?" he urged. + +"Like what? I must get some air! My head will burst, if I don't!" + +She ran across the hall, rattled at the door-handle and hurried into the +Market Square. The December night air lashed him like a jet of icy water +and cut through his clothes; thirty yards ahead, Lady Barbara was +running with arms outstretched and jumping from side to side over the +grey-black puddles of dull, frozen water. A group of chauffeurs by the +village pound removed their pipes and watched her; then replaced them; +then removed them a second time as a second figure, in pink coat and +knee-breeches, pounded along the echoing street. Once she glanced back +on hearing the sound of footsteps; then ran on without changing her +pace. They had overshot the last house and were facing an unhedged +expanse of roots and crisp furrows before he overtook her. + +"I say, what _are_ you doing?" he panted, angry at being made +conspicuous by her aimless freak. + +Lady Barbara pressed a hand to her side, breathing quickly. Her hair had +blown into disorder, her bosom was rising and falling; and once she +kicked off a shoe to caress a bruised foot, balancing herself with her +other hand on his shoulder. + +"Impulse," she answered. + +By moonlight her eyes were black; and, as she panted gently, her parted +lips and rounded cheeks made a child of her. It was at least her third +incarnation since eight o'clock, but Jack had lost strict count. As she +squeezed the pebble out of her shoe, he noticed the provocative +whiteness of her shoulders and the softness of her hair. His own pink +coat and knee-breeches added the last touch to his discomfiture; and he +knew that he could never equal her in creating the unconventional in +order to master it. + +"I was afraid your head might have made you faint," he murmured, +consciously fatuous. + +"It was only partly my head. Sometimes.... Did you see "_Justice_"? You +remember the man in solitary confinement? He _knew_ he mustn't pound on +the door; he _knew_ he'd be punished, if he did. He pounded all the +same.... I've got too much vitality; I seem sometimes as if I'm in +prison...." She shivered and gave a slight cough. "Is it very cold?" + +"Not more than ten degrees of frost. I thought of bringing you a cloak, +but I was afraid of losing you. If you don't come back at once, impulse +will land you in double pneumonia." + +She slipped her arm through his and began to walk, with a slight limp, +back to the hotel. + +"We had a gipsy in the family, though no one's ever allowed to mention +her," she announced abruptly. "D'you call me pretty? I think you would, +rather. Val Arden says I'm the 'haggard Venus.' Well, any looks we've +got come from her." + +"With a dash of temperament thrown in. Suppose we go a _bit_ faster and +then look for a fire? You're quite well enough to dance now." + +"But I'd sooner talk to you. A girl told me the other day that you +were--what was the word? 'sticky'; you never had anything to say, you +were prim and old maidish----" + +"I'm no good at ordinary social patter," he interrupted. "But you'd +hardly apply that term to our conversation to-night." + +They strode incongruously down the broad village street, past the group +of expectant chauffeurs and into an ill-ventilated box described as the +"reading-room." Both were emotionally out of breath, and the lights of +the hotel made Jack self-conscious; he stole a sidelong glance at her +and waited for the next change. Wistful appeal passed into effervescent +irresponsibility; the self-possession of a woman of the world alternated +with the radiant joyousness of a child.... And six months earlier she +had left a German Jew's ornate carnival to drive with a sodden debauchee +in a stolen car and had impaled an unknown chauffeur on the grey angle +of a jutting wall in Hertfordshire. And there was the aeroplane +accident; and the poker-party; and a dozen other things.... His glance +held admiration as well as curiosity, and she smiled with glowing +friendliness. + +"Aren't you going to dance at all?" he asked. + +"I didn't come here for that.... Now I'm going to pay you a compliment. +I got myself invited because I heard you were coming; I wanted to give +you a chance of judging me at first hand. There's an opportunity for +returning the compliment, if you care to take it." + +Jack looked at her with a surprise which he tried to veil, as he +reminded himself again that he must be on his guard. + +"I only hinted that your friends weren't good enough for you," he +answered. "Knowing who you were and the positions your father had +held----" + +"Dear Jack, don't drag in father! Isn't that what I have to fight +against? Having my personality submerged by his dead pomp and glory?" + +Her use of his Christian name startled him; and she watched with +amusement his stiff attempt not to seem startled. + +"I'd sooner think of you as Lord Crawleigh's daughter than as Sir Adolf +Erckmann's friend." + +Her eyes half closed, and she looked at him through the long black +lashes. + +"I believe you're falling in love with me." + +Jack lazily threw away the end of his cigarette, dusted imaginary specks +of ash from his breeches and rose slowly to his feet. + +"I was only thinking what I should feel about you, if you were my +sister," he said. "Ought we to be going upstairs? Lady Pentyre's rather +concerned about you." + +"I'll reassure her," said Lady Barbara. "Don't bother to come up; you +won't be dancing." + +Though she had a reserve of self-control for scenic emergencies, he had +snubbed her so wantonly that she darted like a black and silver moth out +of the room before he could mark a change of expression. Jack followed +in time to see her locate Lady Pentyre and take the chair by her side. +The warm, scented air of the ball-room struck and flushed his cheeks +like the heavy breath of a hot-house. Summertown, waltzing by, +disengaged one hand and whistled shrilly on his fingers above the boom +and wail of the band. + +"Missing two, Babs?" he called out. + +Lady Barbara pressed her hand against her eyes, then drew it away and +shook her head. + +"I'm not dancing to-night," she answered. + +Lady Pentyre turned to her with mingled anxiety and impatience. + +"Aren't you feeling any better?" she asked. + +"I can't say that I am. When I stand, the floor goes up and down; and, +when I sit down, the room goes gently round me." + +Jack was leaning aimlessly against the door, and Lady Pentyre beckoned +to him. She had no intention of leaving her son to make a fool of +himself with Sally Farwell; and, if she told him or young Summertown to +take Lady Barbara home, she would next hear that all three had fallen +down a shaft in Durham. + +"Mr. Waring, you're not dancing! _Do_ you think you could find one of +the cars and take this child back to bed? I hardly like to send her +alone, you know, and every one here has a party of her own to look +after." + +Jack bowed with adequate graciousness, but Lady Barbara intervened with +a vigorous refusal. + +"I couldn't think of dragging him away," she exclaimed. "This is the +only ball he ever comes to; and he's been looking after me so much that +he hasn't had time to see any of his friends." + +"But he can be back within an hour," Lady Pentyre urged. "It's still +quite early." + +Lady Barbara looked uncertainly at Jack, waiting for him to become more +inviting. His face expressed no concern, and he was patiently gaining +time by consulting his watch and looking from one to the other of them, +as though he had no personal interest in the decision. + +"Would that be agreeable to you?" he asked her at length. + +"I don't feel that I have any right to spoil your evening." + +"_Illness_ is hardly within your control, is it?" + +She walked downstairs with a novel sense of failure and a misgiving that +she had overestimated his stupidity; yet a man must be more than +ordinarily stupid not to appreciate her after the trouble that she had +taken. Insisting on an open car, she settled herself in one corner and +looked thoughtfully at her companion's reflection in the jolting mirror +of the wind-screen. Valentine Arden, who allowed disparagement to become +a disease, told her to her face that she had genius; George Oakleigh had +said that she had "the clearest-cut personality of her time." And these +things were industriously repeated to her. + +_Rather Lord Crawleigh's daughter than Sir Adolf Erckmann's friend_.... +But Lord Crawleigh's world had no place for any woman who was above the +average. In Canada, in Ireland and in India she had tasted greater +personal success before she was sixteen than London could offer her in +a life-time. She had seen the government of India at very close +quarters; and, after that, it was impossible to feel Sonia Dainton's +elation at bobbing to Royalty at the Bodmin Lodge ball in Ascot week. At +other times and in other places, dusty, long streets, dazzling white and +quivering with heat, had been cleared for her and lined with picked +native troops; in an Empire crowded with immemorial soveranties she had +been the only daughter of a man who was vicegerent of the Emperor-King. + +"You spoke too soon in saying you didn't despise me," she murmured. + +They had covered but two of the ten miles, and Jack instinctively +avoided altercation. He was no longer interested in a girl who +deliberately invited herself to the same house, singled him out and +detached him, in an open car and a north-east wind, to pick a quarrel or +justify herself. + +"If you're feeling ill, why don't you try to go to sleep instead of +making conversation?" he suggested. + +"I'm not _making_ conversation!" she answered impatiently. "You attacked +me on such slender evidence that I was wondering whether you'd any +better excuse for attacking people like Sir Adolf, who's a very fine +musician----" + +"And an impossible bounder," Jack interrupted. "My father pilled him at +his club ten years ago; if he put up again, _I'd_ pill him; if he got +in, I'd _resign_." + +"And I suppose you'd 'pill' Villon and Benvenuto Cellini and +Verlaine----" + +"I would, if they were friends of Erckmann," Jack answered cheerfully. + +She shivered and lapsed into silence. Talking to Jack was like +explaining colour to a blind man. She had never sought out the Erckmann +circle; it was one of innumerable circles which a connoisseur in life +patronized and sampled for its distinctive atmosphere. Her god-father, +Dick Freyton, had kept a string of race-horses at Oxford and taken a +double first; he had dined with the Queen one day and entertained a +party of comedians and jockeys the next; he had been a gentleman-rider +and an ambassador, a soldier and a collector of early printed Bibles, a +competent sportsman and a more than competent poet. Touching life at +every angle, there was an Elizabethan spaciousness about him;--Loring's +father did not forbid him the house because Bessie Galton took her +company to Liverpool and he invited them all to stay with him at +Poolcup. Freyton was too big to be compromised. And the world had +developed so fast that nowadays a woman could touch life at as many +angles; for some it was the only thing to do. The queens of the salon +were dead, the political hostesses were dying. There was room for one +universalist. + +They drove to the lodge of Croxton Hall in silence. It was only when she +saw him dropping asleep that she fanned the discussion to life. + +"It's men like you who kill art in this country," she sighed. + +"I can never see why there should be a special code of morals for a +fellow because he grows his hair long and plays the fiddle," Jack +answered, as he helped her out of the car and rang the bell. + +While he explained their return to the butler, Lady Barbara let fall her +cloak into a chair and walked to a glowing fire at the end of the hall. +In the fender stood a tureen of soup and an urn of cocoa; behind her a +big table was invitingly set with sandwiches, cake, fruit, syphons and +decanters. Jack watched her for a moment and then explored the table +critically. + +"Is there anything you'd like me to bring you?" he asked as he chose a +cigar and poured himself a brandy and soda. "Don't forget you've had no +supper." + +She looked at him over one shoulder and sighed contemptuously. + +"_How_ characteristic! The indecent irregularity of missing a meal! I +eat because I love nice things; one gets a new emotion sometimes. When +we were at Ottawa, father took me down to Washington, and one of the +secretaries at our embassy fell in love with me. We met at twelve and he +was in love with me by a quarter past. I suppose he was a man of method, +like you, and never declared his passion under half an hour, so for five +minutes we talked about food, and he asked me if I'd ever tasted +Baltimore crab-flake. I hadn't. His car was at the door of the chancery, +we both got in without a word; at 12:23 we were flying down Connecticut +Avenue. We drove to Baltimore without a stop, had our crab-flake and +returned to Washington in time for me to have a good rest before dinner. +When father began looking for me, some one explained that I'd been taken +to see the Congressional Library, and everything was all right till the +papers next day came out with great head-lines--'Breakneck Race for a +Crab-Flake.' 'Just Bully, Says British Governor-General's Daughter' Then +there was the usual unpleasantness.... But the crab-flake _was_ a new +emotion." She turned from the fire and joined him at the table. "If I +start eating caviar, I never stop." + +The butler returned to announce that her maid had gone to bed and to ask +whether she should be called. + +"Oh, it's all right, thanks," she answered. "I'm feeling much better." +She had talked herself into good-humour and, when they were alone again, +she looked at Jack with a smile. "Are you enjoying yourself? You look so +bored. What shall I do to amuse you?" + +She pulled a chair to the fire and beckoned him to her side. + +"I'm sorry to seem ungracious," said Jack, as he put down his empty +glass, "but I've been commissioned to send you to bed." + +"But the others won't be back for hours!" + +"Exactly. Barring the servants, we're alone in the house, and it +wouldn't look well for us to bolt away from the ball and then sit here +talking all night." + +Lady Barbara sprang from the chair and faced him with amazement in her +eyes. + +"My dear creature, do you imagine you're compromising me?" + +"That's a strong word. I'm some years older than you, Lady Barbara," he +added meaningly. + +"But if you _knew_----" + +Jack interrupted her with a shake of the head. + +"If you're trying to tell me some of the things you _have_ done, you may +spare yourself the trouble. I used to think you were being swept off +your feet by the people you went about with. The more stories you tell +me, the more I'm tempted to wonder whether you don't set the fashion. +Some one's frightfully to blame for not pulling you up, though I know +Jim did his best. Does it make no difference to you when a man like that +refuses to have you inside his house?" + +Lady Barbara walked slowly to the table. + +"You must apologize for that, Mr. Waring." + +She imagined that she was contending with one man over a single hasty +sentence; but behind Jack stood his father, his father's regiment and +his father's club, all honestly conservative and gently self-approving. +Behind the sentence there lay in support a social philosophy framed in +days before England was corrupted by the uncertain morals of the east +and the uncouth manners of the west. + +"Isn't it true?" demanded Jack, unabashed. "He cabled to his mother from +Surinam after the motor smash and that inquest. I wasn't told the exact +words, but you _haven't_ been to the house very lately, have you?" + +He was so certain of himself--he was always so certain of himself--that +the question rang out like a taunt. Lady Barbara felt her self-control +weakening. + +"And your informant?" she asked, still trying not to yield ground. + +"I've really forgotten. Obviously no one in the family. So, you see, +there must be several people who know. For what it's worth, I have _not_ +handed the story on." + +"How chivalrous!--And to a girl that you'd never met!" + +"I didn't want Jim to be mixed up in a fresh scandal. And you've driven +this country near enough to revolution as it is." + +He picked up his hat and was starting towards the stairs, when an +unexpected sound stopped him, and he turned to see her burying her face +in her hands. It was a surprising collapse in one who seemed to be made +of steel, though he wondered whether the tears were an artifice or a +novel indulgence of emotion. + +"You _didn't_ mean what you said!" she sobbed. "Please say you were only +punishing me for taking you away from the ball!" + +"I've not the least desire to punish you. You've got great qualities; +you were charming at dinner, you're kind and good-natured, you can be +fascinating when you like. And then you spoil all you are, all you might +be and do, by tricks unworthy of a chorus-girl. Arranging this meeting +at all to smooth one ruffled feather of your vanity. The sham headache. +Calling me by my Christian name the first time we meet. Things of that +kind. That's not the _grande dame_, Lady Barbara." + +She began to collect her gloves and cloak. + +"I'm sorry," she said with trembling lips. "You won't be troubled +again." + +"If you were sorry, you wouldn't try to be dramatic. Your 'curtain,' +like your repentance, is only the latest form of the Baltimore +crab-flake--a new emotion, a new indulgence.... Look here, I shall be +gone before you're up to-morrow; won't you part friends?" + +He crossed the hall with a smile and held out his hand without fear of +a rebuff. She looked at him and had to confess herself at fault. His +heavy overcoat was hanging open, and in his knee-breeches and pink coat +he looked slim and boyish; he was a booby at dinner and a clod at the +ball; outside his own profession he had no more knowledge or ideas than +a schoolboy. Yet she submitted to his criticism almost in silence. + +"Won't you part friends?" he repeated. + +Lady Barbara could not let him ride off so complacently. She pressed one +hand to her side and groped her way to the table; as she leaned against +it, the friendliness died out of his smile. + +"I shouldn't do that again, if I were you," he counselled, reverting to +his slightly nasal drawl; and this time she could have cried without +feigning, for she was tired and humiliated by her consistent failure. + +"I _am_ ill," she protested. "Needless to say, you don't believe----" + +"My dear Lady Barbara, the worst of taking people in by lies is that +afterwards they refuse to be taken in by the truth. That always means a +dreadful muddle for everybody." + +There was no trace of anger in the indolent voice; a lazy, superficial +smile played still over the composed face, but she felt that she had +touched his vanity, which was so petty that he could allow no one even +to chaff him. + +"I say, you _are_ revengeful," she cried. "Just because, in the most +harmless way----" + +"I don't mind any one making the most complete fool of me--once," he +interrupted. "A very moderate sense of humour carries that off. One +doesn't want to make a habit of it, that's all. And I always think it's +a perilous thing to begin playing with the truth." + +"So you'll never believe anything I say?" + +"We're so very unlikely to meet that it hardly matters. Won't you shake +hands?" + +She held out the tips of her fingers and, as he released them, caught +him by the sleeve of his coat. He noticed that she was biting her lip +and had either improved her acting or lapsed into sincerity. + +"Are you like Jim?" she asked. "D'you despise me so much that you refuse +to meet me?" + +He looked carelessly at his sleeve, but she refused to understand the +movement of his eyes. + +"I should be honoured to meet you. Only I never go anywhere. Lady +Pentyre and Lady Knightrider are about our only two links." + +"And I suppose Jim will have me turned out of _their_ houses, when he +comes back. If you knew how I hated having people angry with me.... Will +you meet me, if I don't have any of my objectionable friends, if I'm on +my best behaviour----" + +"I don't think that your experience of my society can be so alluring as +all that," he laughed. + +"I've never allowed any other man to lecture me as you've done!" + +"Ah, but you invited it. You don't want me to come merely for a +continuation of the lecture." + +"Perhaps it won't be necessary." + +Her voice and eyes softened appealingly--and then became charged with +perplexity, as Jack gently removed her fingers from his sleeve. + +"Another new emotion, Lady Barbara?" he laughed. "You won't easily +convince me that I've changed your character in a night." + +"You interest me," she murmured, with a puzzled frown. + +"Ah, that rang true! But I'm no good at the modern business of +discussing people with themselves. A man like Val Arden does that so +much better.... Lady Barbara, are you _ever_ going to say good-night to +me?" + +"In a minute. Will you come to Connie Maitland's Consumptive Hospital +_matinée_ after Christmas? It's at the Olympic, and I'm dancing there. I +_do_ want you to appreciate me!" + +Jack reflected for a moment and then smiled lazily. + +"I'll come to the _matinée_, if you'll promise _not_ to perform," he +answered. "If I'm not in court.... I know I'm old-fashioned, but I call +it intolerable for you to blacken your eyes and rouge your face and make +sport for any one who cares to spend a guinea or two for the chance of +gaping at you. It cheapens you. I'd as soon put on tights and tie myself +in knots on a strip of carpet outside a public-house." + +Barbara leant against the table in helpless amazement. + +"You're more of a Philistine than my own father!" she cried. + +Jack smiled imperturbably. + +"And what would you think if Lord Crawleigh came to that same _matinée_ +and gave a display of juggling with billiard-balls?" + +"I should die happy," Barbara answered with a gurgle of laughter; then +more seriously, "But why on earth shouldn't he? If he can do it, if the +thing's all right in itself, why should the professionals have the +monopoly? I'm very good." + +"No doubt. But, if you had no more idea of dancing than I have, people +would still flock to see Lady Barbara Neave. Now do you understand why I +loathe the whole life you lead?" + +When, late that night, she thought over the long succession of snubs and +insults, Barbara chose this as the most wounding. She had recited and +danced, acted and sung on occasions innumerable, always hearing and +feeling that she was meeting the professionals on their own ground; +they themselves hurried to congratulate her, and she fancied vaguely +that she was paying the stage a delicate compliment. + +"I've never been told that I hawked my father's position about for +advertisement," she answered quietly. + +"It's the result." + +He picked up his hat again and again held out his hand. + +Lady Barbara locked her fingers behind her back and turned away. + +"I don't like the feeling that you'll ring for carbolic as soon as I'm +out of the room!" she said. + +"D'you think I should?" + +"You wouldn't wait!" she cried, springing round as though she were going +to strike him. + +Jack's growing surprise merged in a novel sense of helplessness. The +girl had wholly lost control of herself. Her pupils were dilated, her +cheeks white with anger and fatigue; one hand gripped the back of her +chair, and the other rolled her handkerchief into a tight ball. Not for +the first time that night he felt that a man had only himself to blame +for getting on to such terms with a woman. A lion's cage could be +entered or avoided at will.... + +Yet he could not escape the feeling that even at the white-heat of +passion she was enjoying her scene. + +"Do part friends," he begged. "I shouldn't presume to criticize you, if +I didn't think you worth it. I ask you--as a favour--to come to that +_matinée_ with me. Will you?" + +Lady Barbara could not decide whether to try once again to punish him; +she dared not admit that she was daunted, but she was certainly puzzled. +At one moment he insulted her, at another he hoisted her on to a +pinnacle and mounted guard below. + +"Would you like me to come?" she asked. + +"I should love you to." + +"I'll come, if you want me to.... Now I think I _shall_ go to bed. It +would be a tragedy if we had _another_ scene. Good-night, Mr. Waring." + +"Good-night, Lady Barbara." + +She looked at him steadily before turning to the stairs, still undecided +whether to be angry or intrigued. Jack went into the library, chose +himself a book, undressed slowly, read for ten minutes and dropped +instantly asleep. Lady Barbara stood for many minutes in front of a long +mirror, admiring the black and silver dress and watching the gleam of +her arms and shoulders as she moved. Then with careless impatience she +loosened the dress, leaving it to fall and lie in a tumbled heap by the +fire; shoe followed shoe, stocking followed stocking; her maid would +repair the havoc in the morning, and it was a relief to lapse into +untidiness after so many hours of Jack Waring's orderly influence. +Pulling an armchair to the fire she began to brush her hair. Six hours +before, as her maid had brushed it for her, she had rehearsed the +meeting with Jack up to the point when he apologized for his presumption +in criticizing her. If only she had stopped then! But he was wholly +different from her preconception of him; fully as 'superior'--and with +as little reason--but disappointing as an intellectual antagonist; he +was commonplace in mind and yet had a certain blunt stubbornness of +character, a refusal to be stampeded--together with an indifference +which still piqued her. + +And the indifference was broken by a solicitude which he expressed in +terms to earn himself a horse-whipping. Her eyes were blinded by a hot +rush of shame when she remembered her gentle words and appealing voice +at the piano. "_I'm not as bad as you expected?_" Humility was a +pleasant emotion, but a losing card. At their next encounter.... + +She laid aside the brush and sat staring into the fire. The room grew +gradually colder, but she did not notice it. Only when her ears caught +the sound of subdued voices on the stairs did she rouse with a shiver +and jump into bed. + + + + +CHAPTER FIVE + +NOBODY'S FAULT + + "Cock the gun that is not loaded, cook the frozen dynamite...." + + RUDYARD KIPLING: "ET DONA FERENTES." + + +As a matter of form and to wash her hands of personal responsibility, +Lady Pentyre sent next morning for the local doctor. His advice--to take +things quietly for a few days--enabled Lady Barbara to keep her promise +to Jack with a good conscience. "_They say that I have been doing too +much_," she told Sir Adolf Erckmann, "_so I'm afraid I shan't be able to +come to your party on Thursday...._" On the same plea she wrote to Lady +Maitland, promising to attend the _matinée_ but regretting her inability +to play an active part. When she had taught Jack to appreciate her, it +would be time enough to shew him that her friendship was adequate +guarantee for her friends. + +On returning to London she angled without success for a first-hand +report on him. To her earlier half-dozen words of disparagement Sonia +Dainton added a break-up price for the family. The Surinam cable +precluded consultation of Amy Loring, and Phyllis Knightrider could only +affirm that Jack went every year to Raglan for a few days' fishing--when +she was away and there was none but men present. + +"I believe he's hopeless with a mixed party," she went on. "If you were +told to bring a man anywhere, you'd never dream of asking _him_." + +"Well, I think that's better than being the first man that everybody +thinks of," Barbara answered. "God created Gerry Deganway to be the +eternal fourteenth at dinner." + +"Val Arden once said that God invented bridge so that Jack Waring might +say he didn't play it," Phyllis went on. "That sums him up." + +Lady Barbara was wondering whether the unintelligent appreciation of +such a man was worth having, when Jack once more wantonly put himself in +the wrong. After writing to remind her of the day and time of the +_matinée_, he had gone about his business. She mislaid the letter and +telephoned to his chambers to find out where she was to meet him. An +unwelcoming Cockney voice answered that Mr. Waring was engaged and +invited her to leave a message. + +"I won't keep him a moment," answered Lady Barbara. + +"Mr. Waring doesn't like being called to the 'phone when he's got a +consultation on." + +She hardly knew whether to be angrier with Jack for his hide-bound likes +and dislikes or with the officious clerk for his interference. + +"Will you be good enough to say that Lady Barbara Neave wants to speak +to him?" she said in a voice of authority. + +"I'll see," the clerk mumbled reluctantly. "Hold on, please." + +She was not accustomed to being kept waiting, and Jack or the clerk kept +her waiting so long that the Exchange enquired once whether she had +finished and then cut short the call. She hung up the receiver and +waited for the connection to be re-established. There was no sound for +five minutes; they did not think it worth while to remember her +existence or to recall that she had expressed a wish to speak to Mr. +Waring, that she had been ordered to wait.... Taking down the receiver, +she repeated the number. The same unwelcoming Cockney voice greeted her. + +"I was trying to speak to Mr. Waring," she explained, "but I was cut +off." + +"Mr. Waring's ingiged--Oh, were you the lidy who just rang up? Mr. +Waring says, Would you be kind enough to leave a message?" + +Half an hour earlier Lady Barbara had been undecided whether to +telephone herself or to arrange the meeting through her maid. Now she +felt that, whatever it might cost her, she must speak to Jack without +intermediaries. And, if he were engaged in a consultation (or whatever +the absurd thing was called), so much the better. + +"No, I don't want to leave a message," she answered. "I want to speak to +him privately." + +The new attack seemed only to consolidate the hateful clerk's already +strong position. + +"Oh, I thought it might be business. Mr. Waring never speaks to any one +privately on the 'phone." + +"Will you kindly ask him to make an exception, then?" + +"I'm afride it's no good," answered the clerk with undisguised boredom. +"And Mr. Waring won't be best pleased, if I go in agine." + +While Jack should pay for his pleasure to the uttermost farthing, it was +undignified to prolong an altercation with a Cockney voice, especially +as she was gaining nothing. + +"Mr. Waring asked me to go to the theatre with him. Will he kindly let +me know when and where I'm to meet him?" + +The words were repeated slowly, as the message was written down. + +"When-and-where-you're to meet him. Very good. If you'll give me your +number, I'll find out and 'phone you as soon as the consultation's +over." + +"But I want to know now! I've got arrangements of my own to make!" + +It was no longer the deliberate high voice of authority. Grievance was +merging in anger. + +"I don't like to go in agine.... But he can't be long now. If you'll +give me your number...." + +The Cockney voice suggested a mean, back-bent creature with bitten nails +and cunning eyes, a Uriah Heep, cringing but sinister. She did not care +for him to know that she had lost her temper; only this and the need to +punish Jack for his latest indignity kept her from refusing to accompany +him to the theatre. + +"Oh, ask him to write," she answered with attempted carelessness. + +As she ceased speaking, her maid came in to say that Mr. Webster had +called. They had not met since their quarrel on the afternoon of Lady +Knightrider's dance; and she was secretly relieved at the hardiness of +his ill-humour, for of all men he least repaid the discredit which she +earned by being seen in his company. At best he was a good-natured, +plastic slave with a ubiquitous car and a knack of securing seats in +theatres and tables in restaurants when others failed; at worst he was +an enigmatic sensualist, who attracted her because he privately +frightened her. They met first on the common ground of an interest in +spiritualism, later as companions in misfortune; Sonia Dainton alleged +that he was always inviting chorus-girls to his rooms and giving them +too much to drink for the amusement of hearing what they would say; some +one else added that he smoked opium, and an agreeable air of mystery +surrounded an otherwise disagreeable young man. After their last quarrel +Lady Barbara had decided to give him up; and she only wavered now +because she wanted a whipping-boy and felt that she was in some way +scoring a point against Jack by receiving him. + +"I'll see him--up here," she told her maid. + +Her face was still flushed from the telephone altercation, and she +posed herself carefully, backing the window, but with the curtains +thrown to their widest extent, so that Webster's oedematous eyelids +blinked as he crossed the room and held out a plump white hand. + +"New car d'livered t'day," he wheezed. The habit, induced by +intemperance, of slurring the major parts of speech and omitting the +minor survived even in his sober diction. "'Wondered if you'd care come +spin." + +"Oh? _I_ was wondering whether you'd been ill." + +"Ill?" He shook his head and coughed. "No. Only too many cigarettes. +Care come?" + +"Not till you've apologized for your behaviour to me, Mr. Webster." + +"Haven't least idea what mean, but I'll apologize. Always ready +apologize." + +As a whipping-boy he was too spiritless to be satisfying, and Lady +Barbara addressed herself to the invitation. Since the accident and the +inquest she had not embarked on any expeditions with him. Indeed, on the +evening before she went into court, she had deliberately broken a prized +Venetian vase and whispered to herself--or any one who was +listening--that, if she emerged without discredit, she would never go +with him again. Nemesis had accepted the vase and played false on the +bargain. But, while she might fairly feel herself released from her +promise, she was oppressed by premonition that disaster would overtake +her if she risked her luck again with Webster. + +"Where are you going to? I'm waiting for a telephone message," she +answered. + +At that moment the bell rang; and, as she picked up the receiver, she +felt guilty towards Jack Waring; in part she had undertaken to drop her +"objectionable friends," in part she felt that, if he were with her, he +would stop her going.... But his clerk had been unpardonable.... + +Gaymer's voice invited her to dine and go to a theatre with him. She +accepted and impatiently replaced the receiver. + +"I'll come for a short time," she answered and felt that she was defying +Jack. "I must be back for tea, though." + +"Have tea my place. Madame Hilary coming. Know who mean? Perfect wonder +that woman. Doesn't use medium; makes you, me, any one medium; throws +you in trance, and _you_ do talking." + +The _séance_ was more alluring than the drive, for Madame Hilary had +been famous in necromantic society for more than a month. Lady Barbara +had been generally forbidden by her parents to dabble in black magic, +and a special warning had been issued against Madame Hilary, whose +methods had made her notorious, if not as a new witch of Endor, at least +as an accomplished blackmailer. + +"Is she good about the future?" Lady Barbara asked. "I don't want to be +told that I've lived in distant lands, sometimes among the palms, +sometimes in sight of the snows. I know that better than she does." + +"_She_ don't tell you anything," Webster explained. "_You_ do all the +talking, and we listen. Better hear some one else first; people +sometimes more candid than they like--afterwards." + +He chuckled maliciously and followed her downstairs. For an hour they +drove round Richmond Park, and, as the light began to fail, he turned +back to London and brought her to his flat by the Savoy in time for tea. +The drowsy joy of rapid movement through the air had calmed her nerves +and blown away her ill-humour; she was too tranquil to quarrel even with +Jack Waring. + +As she entered the smoking-room of the flat, the early premonition of +disaster returned. It was an unwholesome place after Richmond Park on a +December day.... Webster himself, white-faced and orientally impassive, +in a frame of yellow down cushions and a heavy atmosphere of burning +cedar-wood, was a sinister mystery-monger and purveyor of forbidden +fruit. She came to him for excitements and experiences which the world +conspired to keep her from obtaining elsewhere. An unwholesome man.... +If anything happened, she had only herself to blame.... Yet nothing +could happen, unless the new clairvoyant told her something horrid about +the future.... She was not going to run away from a clairvoyant.... + +The warm rooms, thickly curtained and heavy with scented smoke, were +already half-full. Sonia Dainton and Jack Summertown were on either side +of the club fender with cigarettes in their mouths; the Baroness +Kohnstadt, with something of her brother Sir Adolf Erckmann's build and +colouring and with all of his guttural intonation, was impressively +describing Madame Hilary's powers; Lord Pennington, with a tumbler of +brown brandy and soda in one hand, swayed insecurely on one arm of a +chair and discharged amorous darts at a weak-mouthed girl with big eyes +and a high colour, who giggled in apprehensive appreciation; on the +other sat Sir Adolf, bald, bearded and fleshly, competing with +Pennington for her attention. Involuntarily Lady Barbara paused in the +door-way. If Jack Waring heard that she had been to Webster's rooms on +such an errand in such company.... They were not worth it.... + +"Hullo, Babs!" "Babs darling!" "Liddle Barbara!" "How ripping!" + +The usual chorus of welcome greeted her and mounted to her head. Sonia +Dainton was kissing her extravagantly. Sir Adolf lurched forward to +praise her looks and dress, Lord Pennington to repeat and laugh at any +phrase that she let fall. Doing nothing, saying little, simply by being +herself, she dominated them until the door opened a second time and a +gaunt woman in a clinging black dress and hat like an embossed shield +rustled into the room. Her great height and noiseless movements +diverted attention from Lady Barbara; she threw up her veil with a +clockwork gesture as though she were ripping it from her face. Webster +advanced with a bow and was preparing to introduce her, when she stopped +him with a second mechanical fling of the hand. + +"Ah, no! You tell me who they are and then you say, 'Madame Hilary is an +impostor; she knew a little before--and she make up the rest.' Is it not +so? For an exhibition I like better to know nothing." Her eyes flashed, +as she looked round on one face after another. "You, Mr. Webster, I +know--your name, at least--but these others I know not at all. It is +well. And I like better for you not to tell me. But you are all waiting! +While I drink this tea, you shall decide who first is to make trial." + +She sat down, unembarrassed by the stealthy examination to which she was +being subjected on all sides, and, unpinning her veil, shewed a narrow, +lined face with sunken cheeks, an aquiline nose and eyes that were +lack-lustre after their initial flash. Too well-bred to seem bored, she +displayed at least a want of interest which chilled the spirits of the +party and left her ascendant. Webster was flustered at having to +stage-manage the _séance_; for Sir Adolf was so diffident and Sonia so +unsympathetic that he had difficulty in finding volunteers. Lady Barbara +at once offered herself, but seemed impressed by his whispered warning +that she had better first see what surprising exhibitions people +sometimes made of themselves. + +"Here, I'll start the bidding," cried Jack Summertown, jumping up from +the fender. "Don't pinch my simulation-gold watch, any one. Only fair to +warn you, ma'am," he went on to Madame Hilary, "that I think all this +jolly old spiritualism is a fake. What do I have to do? And may I finish +my goodish cork-tipped Turkish Regie?" + +Madame Hilary, suddenly appreciating that she was being addressed, +seemed to awake and assume new vitality. Shewing neither offence nor +amusement at his scepticism, she motioned Summertown to a chair and drew +her own opposite to it. + +"Yes, go on smoking. It does not matter." She looked round the room with +another clockwork movement, switched on a reading-lamp, so that the +light shone straight into her own face, and then plunged the rest of the +room in darkness. "All that is needed is for you to look at me, into my +eyes. Never take your eyes off mine. I like better for you not to try, +not to will yourself. I shall ask you questions, and you will answer +them. Questions about the past. I like better for you not to be +sympathetic. Try _not_ to answer my questions. And, when I have +persuaded you to answer them, I shall ask you more questions--about the +future. And you will answer them, too. And afterwards I will tell you +what you have said. So you will come to know the future." + +She paused to draw breath, and Summertown, obediently looking into her +eyes, finished his cigarette and tossed the end into the fire-place. He +was still smiling a little; but the room was grown silent, and every one +was looking at him; the gaunt, narrow face before him, grimly serious, +discouraged levity, though it sharpened his desire to expose her as soon +as she began her tricks. And for that the easiest thing was obstinately +to answer none of her questions. + +"You would that I explain?" The deliberate affectation of broken English +was the accepted convention of an English actress playing the part of a +Frenchwoman; every one in the room was conscious of the artificiality. +The voice was unmodulated and monotonous. "In all ages men have tried to +read the future. By the stars and by crystal balls and cards and numbers +and pools of ink.... What can a pool of ink tell you? The future lies in +yourselves. Within your bodies are seeds of new life--innumerable; and +each seed holds innumerable other seeds of new life--generation after +generation, seed within seed. He who put them there ordained that the +Future should lie buried in the Present, as the Present lay buried in +the Past--and as the Past lies buried in the Present! It is hard for Man +to unbury the Future. Man has not been ready to face the light, and I--I +who help you to see that light have never seen it myself. Even I do not +know how glaring is that light.... But, as the seeds of the Future lie +in you, so the knowledge of the Future lies there also. Man _knows_ all +the Future, as Man _holds_ all the Future within himself, but he has +forgotten. It is within his unconscious. _I_ do not know it, but I can +help you to remember. I can tell you nothing, not even your name, but +you can tell me everything about yourself, Past, Present and Future. +What is your name?" + +Lady Barbara started with surprise when the abrupt question cut through +the sleepy drone of mock-mystic jargon. Summertown was trapped into +seriousness, for he answered promptly: + +"John Antony Merivale-Farwell. I'm usually called Jack Summertown." + +"Why are you called Jack Summertown?" + +"Well, you see, Summertown's the guv'nor's second title. Thirty per +cent. on your bills, and not a dam' thing else." + +He looked obediently into the unwavering eyes, but Lady Barbara felt +that his familiar colloquialism was a deliberate effort to break up the +atmosphere of pretentious mystery. + +"And your father?" + +"Well, he's rather at a loose end at present. He was Councillor of +Embassy at Paris, and they offered him Madrid, I believe; but he'd been +ill for some time and so he chucked in his hand. Oh, _who_ is he? +Marling. Earl of." + +"You are married?" + +"God, no!" + +"You have been in love?" + +Summertown hesitated and then answered quietly: + +"Oh, well, yes, I suppose so." + +"Tell me about it." + +Lady Barbara, watching his face as he gazed into Madame Hilary's eyes, +became conscious of a change in expression; Summertown might have been +drunk. His eyes were glazed, his features set and his forehead moist; he +spoke cautiously, too, as though fearful of a trip in articulation. + +"It sounds rather sordid," he began diffidently. "She was an awful +pretty girl--in a shop. Flower-shop. I palled up with her.... I expect +you'll think me an awful cad; I never meant to marry her. It would have +meant such a hell of a row at home.... To do myself justice, I told her +that. She knew who I was; she said that didn't matter.... The thing +lasted for a year--nearly. And most of the time I went through the agony +of the damned. Ask any one who thinks he knows me; you'll be told I +haven't a soul to save and I'm the village idiot and all that sort of +thing. All I know is--I wouldn't go through it again. I loved the girl; +and I always felt that she was all right till I came along--and then I +corrupted her; and though I sweated to get her to marry me, we both knew +it would be God's own failure.... And the end was the most sordid part +of the whole business. When I lay awake at night--I _did_, +honest--thinking I'd dragged her half-way to Hell, another feller turned +up. Number One. I was Number Two--or Ten--or Twenty.... That was +nineteen-eleven, but, if you sat up till midnight telling me how rotten +she was, you wouldn't be able to make me forget her. Wish to God you +could!... But we _were_ dam' well man and wife for a twelvemonth." + +He laughed jerkily and grew restless, as though he were looking for the +usual cigarette. Lady Barbara felt an overbalancing pull and discovered +that she had been making her fingers meet in the soft flesh of Sonia +Dainton's arm. Madame Hilary was triumphing. None of them could say when +Jack Summertown had passed under her influence; apart from his pallor +and glazed eyes, he had not changed; but there was a collective, +sympathetic shudder through the room, as he told his stunted romance in +characteristic colloquialisms. "Hell of a row at home.... A +year--nearly.... All I know is--I wouldn't go through it again.... And +then I corrupted her.... Dam' well man and wife for a twelvemonth...." +And then the jerky, cynical laugh. It was Jack Summertown's manner of +describing an unsuccessful meeting at Hawthorn Hill. + +"You cannot forget her--but you will find some one else?" The +unmodulated voice was pitiless. + +"Oh, generally speaking, yes. I mean, one wants to keep the jolly old +family going. But I've not got much time with this war." + +"This war?" + +"Well, the general bust-up. I'm in the army, you know, and I shall get +finished off as soon as it starts. Goodish early door for me. Hardly +seems worth it.... At least, I mean, if the girl cares for you, it's a +bit rough to leave her a widow at the end of a week." + +"Then you are going to be killed quite soon?" + +Lady Barbara held her breath until she felt that her heart must stop. +The others were doing the same. Only Madame Hilary ladled out her +questions with a voice as mechanical as her gestures. + +"Oh, almost at once." + +"Stop!" + +Lady Barbara could not tell whence the cry had come. Had they conjured +up a spirit? Was God Himself cutting short their quest? But she did not +believe in God.... There was a bustle of confused movement, followed by +stupefied inertia. Lord Pennington, after flooding the room with light, +was seen to be propping himself against the door; Madame Hilary sat +blinking rapidly, so like a lone cat surrounded by reluctant terriers +that little imagination was required to see the arched back and to hear +the spitting tongue. Lady Barbara gripped her chair with both hands, +overcoming fear. Only Webster, who had seen the experiment before and +exulted in the sense of shocked terror around him, contrived to purge +his face of expression. + +There was a long silence. + +"Well, that's that," gulped Pennington, with an unconvincing laugh. + +Lady Barbara's brain was working so quickly that she had time to see and +reflect on everything around her. These men who were always drinking +made a sorry mess of their nerves; Pennington was hardly less +incapacitated than Webster had been when they dashed into the jutting +grey angle of wall. And Sonia, who did not drink but lived on +excitement, was almost hysterical.... + +"Reached end of chapter," murmured Webster, glancing covertly at the +late medium. "What deuce want spoil everything?" he demanded, in a +hectoring aside, of Pennington's late giggling companion.... "Who'd like +go next?" + +Summertown had been peering lazily in search of cigarettes, but his +host's question roused him to activity. + +"Don't be in such a hurry, old son," he called out. And, turning to the +hypnotist, "You were talking about the jolly old seeds. Big fleas and +little fleas...." + +Madame Hilary glanced at him and then, carelessly, at the group between +the fire-place and the door. She was too well-bred to shew triumph. + +"You tell me you doubt. Good!" she answered Summertown. "I try to +explain just my theory. Now, in every man there are seeds of new life, +and each seed contains seeds of other new life, of the Future...." + +Webster waited until he saw Summertown nodding intelligently; then he +joined the group by the door. + +"What do you think of it?" he asked, like a conjuror. + +The Baroness Kohnstadt shuddered. + +"Ach, derrible!" + +"It's the same old game," said Pennington, with newly recovered valour. +"She pinned herself down to something fairly definite, but, before +anything comes along to kill Summertown, she'll have vamoosed and set up +in Harrogate as a beauty specialist. Agree with me, Lady Barbara?" + +"I don't know what to think--yet," she answered. "We mustn't let her +tell him, of course...." + +As she stood up, her knees were trembling. + +"But nobody believes in it _seriously_," protested Sonia Dainton with a +white face. + +"_I_ do." + +They had been joined by Lord Pennington's giggling companion of the +armchair. Her eyes were bigger, and fear had washed away the colour from +her cheeks. + +"Let me try next, Fatty," she implored Webster. + +"Why?" + +"I want to." + +"But why?" + +She moved out of earshot and waited for him to join her. + +"I want to," she repeated. "I won't say anything that I oughtn't to." + +Webster laughed harshly. He did not want to hear the girl unfolding her +history before an audience. + +"Keep out of it, Dolly; only make fool yourself," he advised. "You're +such little coward----" + +"I know!" She seemed to take the sneer as a compliment. "But I'm +gingered up now. I _want_ to know! I want to know if I'm going to die. +They said I was, but they only did it to frighten me and get me away to +a sanatorium. I'm going to find out!" + +While Webster was still sluggishly trying to make up his mind, she +darted past him and presented herself to Madame Hilary. Summertown +yielded place reluctantly and joined the group at the door. Before the +lights were lowered, the Master of the Ceremonies found time to whisper, +"Cut it short. Others want turn, too. Leave out Past and Present; it's +Future she's interested in." + +There was a rustle of dresses and a squeak of castors, as the audience +settled into chairs and the lights were lowered. After the same initial +silence the same droning voice pronounced the elementals of the creed. +"Though men have tried by the stars and by crystal balls, by cards and +numbers and pools of ink, they have not hitherto looked for the Future +within themselves...." + +"How long does this tripe go on?" Summertown enquired so audibly that +the girl started and turned towards the shadowy group by the fire. + +Madame Hilary pushed back her chair and rose to her feet with dignity. + +"Please! I cannot continue--like this." At a murmured apology she +consented to sit down again, and the momentarily human voice became lost +in the professional drone of the mystic. "Keep your eyes on mine--so! It +is all I ask. I like better that you resist, that you determine not to +answer my questions. But, if you look into my eyes, you will tell me all +that I ask you. You must. You are telling me now! You are telling me now +your name! It is--that name?" + +"Dorothea Prilton. I'm called Dolly May on the stage." + +"And you have been on the stage since long?" + +"Three years." + +"And how old are you?" + +"Nineteen." + +"And why did you go on to the stage?" + +"Oh, I always loved it! It's everything in the world to me! And a +gentleman friend said he'd introduce me to the manager of the Pall +Mall." + +There was a tinkle of broken glass, as Webster's elbow swept an ash tray +to the floor. + +"And you expect to play great parts? What are you acting in now?" + +"Well, I'm out of a shop at present. It's such killing work, you know. I +had to break one contract and go into a nursing-home; and I've never +really pulled up since. One doctor says it's lungs, and another says +it's heart. I was never very strong, and my friend had an awful time +with me. Sometimes at the end of the show, he had to give me an +injection in my arm to pull me round. Of course, it saved my life, but I +think it affected the heart, you know. The doctor was very angry, but I +said to him, 'It's all very well for you to talk, but you weren't there +at the time; I was just dying.' I shall be all right when I've had a bit +of a rest." + +"And you expect to play great parts?" Madame Hilary repeated. + +There was no answer. As the silence lengthened, the audience looked +critically at her; she had spoken hitherto with the prattling candour of +her class, and the question was hardly an assault on her professional +diffidence. + +"And are you in love?" pursued Madame Hilary without pity. + +The girl looked at her in silence but still without any expression of +resentment or confusion. + +"Are you never afraid of meeting some man and having to retire from the +stage?" + +At the third silence Summertown observed loudly: + +"This is a blinking frost, you know. I _said_ it was, from the +beginning. She can't make you answer, if you don't want to." + +The penetrating voice brought Madame Hilary to her feet a second time. + +"Mr. Webster! Where is Mr. Webster?" she demanded. "Please! I cannot go +on--like this. You ask this gentleman to go away, and I continue. +Otherwise, no! I cannot." + +"Oh, I say, no offence meant, you know," Summertown pleaded. + +"I cannot," Madame Hilary repeated firmly. "Mr. Webster----" + +The sense of the meeting, expressed in murmured protests, was against +Summertown. + +"Oh, all right! I'll go," he sighed. "You goin' to break away, Babs? +It's an absolute frost," he whispered. "Anyone seen a goodish billycock +or bowler, not to mention a cane, a rich fur coat--Oh, my God!" + +He had turned on the light to look for his belongings and, while the +others ringed themselves about Madame Hilary with speeches of condolence +and apology, he alone had leisure to see that Miss Dorothea Prilton, +known on Pall Mall programmes as "Dolly May," sat dead in the chair +which he had occupied ten minutes before. + + + + +CHAPTER SIX + +THE SHADOW LINE + + "A drunkard is one that will be a man to-morrow morning, but is now + what you will make him, for he is in the power of the next man, and + if a friend the better." + + JOHN EARLE: "MICROCOSMOGRAPHIE." + + +"I knew it.... Yes.... Of course...." + +Lady Barbara found herself repeating the words aloud, though no one +listened to her. Now that disaster had come, she remembered her +premonition; and it gave her a start over the others in recovering +self-possession, so that she remained motionless instead of pathetically +trying to charm the dead girl back to life. Only Webster and Summertown +were making any show of keeping their heads. Madame Hilary had become +hysterical; Lord Pennington, mottled and tremulous, was charging +distractedly to and fro with a decanter of brandy; and Sonia Dainton, +shrinking from the body, sobbed quietly to herself by the fire, while +Sir Adolf towered over her, gesticulating with plump, white hands. + +"Lock door," whispered Webster. "Tell 'em not s'much dam' row." + +He felt the girl's pulse, hurried lumberingly into his bedroom and +returned with a shaving-mirror, which he held before her lips. Then he +closed the staring eyes and covered the face with a handkerchief. + +"Heart failure," he pronounced. "Always had weak heart. Excitement. I +tried stop her, you _heard_ me try stop her!" + +At the note of pleading in his voice, Madame Hilary's lamentations +redoubled in vigour, this time in the unmistakable accent of Essex. + +"Before get doctor, better decide story put up," Webster went on more +collectedly. "Short and simple, _I_ suggest. All having tea here----Said +she was feeling tired----Went pale----Suddenly stopped middle +sentence.... Less said about Madame Hilary, better. Best of all, send +her away now. Know what coroners are." + +At sound of the formidable word Lady Barbara clutched frantically at +Summertown's elbow. + +"Will there be an _inquest_?" she whispered. + +"Can't help it. That's bad enough, but, if there's anything of a _post +mortem_, we may find ourselves in the soup. 'Deceased died as result of +sudden shock.' _What_ shock? _Why_ shock? I don't at all know that we +can afford to let this woman go." He wrinkled his snub nose; and his +cheerful, rather dissipated young face was grave. "Don't at _all_ know," +he repeated. + +The ink-and-whitewash smell of the court came to life again in Lady +Barbara's nostrils; and she heard the coroner once more urging the +reporters like hounds on to their quarry. She would again appear side by +side with Webster to explain away another gratuitous death. Twice in one +year.... And it was not her fault. + +"I can't stand it, Jack," she whispered. "I can't! I can't!" + +He looked at her in surprise, for it was generally accepted that she +could never lose her nerve. + +"Jove! yes. I'd forgotten," he answered. "Here, Fatty!" Webster hurried +to them anxiously, and Summertown became elaborately calm and practical. +"Look here, old son, _you've_ got to go through with this; the body's on +your premises. And Madame must go through with it, because they may find +all sorts of funny things at the _post mortem_. When all's said and +done, you and I didn't kill her, and there's no reason why we should get +the credit of it. _I'm_ in with you to the end. I think Pennington and +Sir Adolf and the Baroness ought to stay to make a quorum, but we'll +talk about that later. Point is--Babs must clear out before the vet. +comes; she's never been here, we know nothing about her; we must stick +to that and, if need be, swear to it. And there's no need to drag Sonia +into the business." + +Webster reflected with slow mind, rubbing his fingers against the pad of +his thumb, as though they still felt the dead eye-lids of the girl who +had at last escaped him. + +"Woman's tough customer," he warned them. "Blackmail you quick as +thought. And looks bad--much worse--, if any one stays away inquest." + +"We'll trust that she's too much rattled," Summertown answered. "And she +doesn't even know who Babs is." + +"Bet your life she does," Webster answered. Seeing Lady Barbara's +undisguised fear, he deliberately played on it, as his price for +allowing her to escape the inquest. "If she don't, dam' soon find out." + +Future blackmail seemed a less evil than present exposure; and Lady +Barbara only wanted to break away from the sweet-smelling, hot room and +to avoid the sour-smelling, hot court. Summertown looked to her for an +answer; but her eyes were blinking quickly, and two tears rolled +unchecked down her cheeks. + +"Here, if _you_ break down, you'll do us all in," he said, glancing +furtively round the room. "Sonia's no more use than a sick headache; +you've got to take charge of her and clear out before any one lodges an +objection. Make certain that you've got _everything_ before you go--no +incriminating muffs or gloves. Now remember! It doesn't matter a damn +where you've been, but you've not--been--here. I'll explain to the +others. Get home or somewhere and establish a good fat alibi; we'll give +you a start before we send for the vet." + +With the shrill moans of Madame Hilary still pulsating through their +heads, he pushed them out on to the landing and locked the door. Sonia +ran headlong down the passage until she was caught and schooled to a +careless saunter down the stairs and through the hall. + +"Come home with me," Barbara ordered. "Jack's quite right about the +alibi." + +"But, Babs----" + +"If you start talking, I shall scream!" + +They found a taxi in the Strand and drove to Berkeley Square. Barbara +ostentatiously ordered tea, and they subsided into chairs without +speaking. The shock of death was spent and could not be repeated. Dolly +May--if that was her name--was dead; surprisingly, horribly dead, but +there was no more to be said about it, and Barbara could now recall +without a shudder the still face and staring eyes.... She wondered what +they were all doing now, whether the doctor had come.... And what had +really happened--not only to the girl, but to Summertown? Even death was +not so terrific as the power which Madame Hilary seemed to exert. + +"Have some tea, Sonia, and try not to think about it," said Lady +Barbara, hoping to restore her own tranquillity. + +There would be days of agony, while she waited to see whether she would +be called as a witness and required to explain her flight. Madame Hilary +was not the woman to drown alone; and, though the men had shewn +magnanimity and _esprit de corps_, one never knew what would come out in +court, one never knew how far to trust people whom the tolerant +Summertown himself always described colloquially as "a bit hairy about +the heel." Lord Pennington ... the upward-striving baroness ... Sir +Adolf ... Webster, who was an unplumbed pool of iniquity. She would +always be a little at their mercy; and, without trying to injure her, +people always gossiped. + +Sonia Dainton abruptly set down her cup and buried her face in a +cushion. + +"It was--Fatty closing her eyes," she explained with a gulp; and Lady +Barbara, in trying to comfort her, found herself crying in sympathy. + +They were steadied by the bell of the telephone and a crisp voice, which +for once was refreshing in its self-assurance. + +"Mr. Waring," it announced. "My clerk told me you were expecting me to +ring you up. Didn't you get my letter? I said I'd meet you by the +box-office at five to two." + +Lady Barbara looked in bewilderment at her watch; less than three hours +had passed since her altercation with the Cockney clerk. + +"I'm afraid I lost your letter," she answered, almost humbly. "Five to +two. I'll try not to be late." + +"I warn you that I never wait for any one," Jack laughed. "Was that all +you wanted to talk to me about?" + +In the first reaction from severe fright, she was prepared for an +outburst of anger against the first victim--Sonia, for breaking down +like a little fool; the Cockney clerk for his impertinence; and Waring +himself as the mainspring of all evil. She had only gone to the flat +because she felt that she was scoring a point against him. No one had +ever behaved with his indifference--which was more galling than blunt +rudeness; no one had ever equalled him in aloofness and +self-sufficiency. His stubborn unquestioning faith in himself won her +reluctant admiration. It was a new experience to find a man whom she +could not twist round her finger at first meeting; if _he_ had attended +the _séance_, she felt that Dolly May would still be alive; he +would--somehow--have intervened; perhaps he would even have persuaded +her to stay at home. She would give five years of her life to have met +any one with authority to stop her.... + +Sonia had ceased crying and was sniffing miserably at her handkerchief. +The sound irritated Lady Barbara to the verge of hysteria; if the little +fool could see what she looked like with pink eyes and a red nose.... + +"What are you doing?" she asked Jack. + +"To-night? I'm dining at the club," he answered with the same crisp +assurance. + +"You wouldn't like to dine here?" It was an impulse which she had no +time to examine, but Jack's voice, which she had never noticed before, +destroyed hysterical images and brought her in contact with reality. +"I'd promised to go to a play, but I'm not in the mood for it," she +added. + +With her disengaged hand she wrote down "Gaymer" to remind herself that +she must be excused going to the theatre with him. If her name were +mentioned at the inquest, she did not want to hear the coroner +explaining to the reporters that she was in her stall before the doctor +had finished his examination of Dolly May's dead body; even if her name +went unpublished, she did not want Summertown to feel that he had stayed +at his post while she pusillanimously escaped and ran off to amuse +herself. + +"Thanks very much," Jack answered, "but I don't think I will. You know, +I hardly ever dine out. And I couldn't talk up to your level for three +minutes." + +"Well, shall I do the talking? I want somebody to talk to; I shall be +all alone." + +There was a perceptible pause; and Sonia, finding the one-sided dialogue +uninteresting, looked at her watch and began collecting her furs. + +"Well, I don't think I very well can, you know," said Jack, "if you're +all alone." + +"Not in my own house? I must say, you are the most extraordinary person! +There _are_ men--strange as it may seem--who would give a good deal for +the chance of having me to themselves at dinner." + +"I'm sure of it. You're wasted on me." + +Candour and conceit were so nicely matched in Jack Waring that Lady +Barbara could not tell from his voice whether he was laughing at her. + +"I've asked you _once_ to come," she sighed. "I'm so used to getting my +own way that I thought that would be enough." She broke off into a cough +and gave Sonia time to get out of the room. "If you want to see whether +I've got any pride, I haven't--just now. I ask you again. I told you I +wasn't in the mood to go to the play; I'm worried out of my mind. But I +don't fancy being alone all the evening. If it's too much _trouble_ +to--talk up to my level, don't come. But I should like you to." + +There was a moment's laughter--deliberately mocking or ingenuously +unrestrained; she could never make out whether Jack was naturally or +intentionally stupid. + +"I can't resist the pathetic, Lady Barbara. What time shall I come?" + +"We might dine about half-past eight. If you want to meet mother and +make certain that I'm not compromising you, come earlier." + +The taunt was left unanswered; but it was noticeable that Jack arrived +in Berkeley Square at eight o'clock, when the car was at the door and +the door itself open. In the hall Lord Crawleigh was being helped into a +fur-coat, and a blushing young footman was paying the penalty of +inexperience, clumsiness and some one else's hasty dinner. Lady +Crawleigh steered a course round the storm-centre and approached the +stranger with the outstretched hand of hurried welcome. + +"Mr. Waring? You must forgive our running away like this; the wretched +play starts at a quarter past eight. Babs will be down in a moment. You +won't keep her up late, will you? We've got to go on to a party at the +Carnforths, so I must leave you to see that she goes to bed in good +time. She's rather overdone." + +With a flying introduction to Lord Crawleigh, she rustled down the steps +and into the car. Jack was shewn into the morning-room, where he +smoothed his hair, straightened his tie and settled down to the evening +paper, paying as little attention to the Japanese prints on the walls as +he had done in the hall to a pair of historic porcelain vases which +appeared from time to time at loan exhibitions and were beyond price. At +Oxford and in the Temple his attitude to art was one of toleration, +ungrudging and unpatronizing. "I suppose it's all right," he would say, +when Eric Lane tried to interest him in a new discovery. "Not my line of +country, though." + +Lady Barbara came down, as he was finishing the report of a case in +which he had appeared that day in the Court of Appeal. He was too much +engrossed to notice that she was ten minutes late. + +"'_Blame me not, poor sufferer; that I tarried_,'" she began. "I had +such an awful headache that I could hardly get up; and I thought it +would be straining our friendship if I asked you to dine with me in my +room. There's not the least need for you to ask if I'm feeling better," +she pouted. + +Jack laughed and laid his paper tidily on the table. + +"Sorry! I--I warned you I wasn't a social animal. I hope you're all +right now." + +"Better. I feel rather as if some one had been putting hot coals at the +back of my eyes." She paused and looked at him invitingly. + + + _"'But thy dark eyes are not dimm'd, proud Iseult! + And thy beauty never was more fair.'_ + + +Some people _never_ take their cues." + +"I haven't a book of the words, I'm afraid." + +"And you've probably never heard of Matthew Arnold." + +"Oh, yes, I have. He translated Homer or something. My tutor was always +quoting him." + +"You're wonderfully banal at times, Mr. Waring." + +"Well, I warned you that I shouldn't be able to stay the course," he +answered unabashed. + +They dined in amicable dulness. Lady Barbara, who generally shewed a +knack of knowing what she wanted and going straight for it, could not +define what had made her invite him. His conversation was a minute-gun +fire of laboured conventional questions about theatres, the House of +Commons and her plans for Christmas. She lacked the lightness of spirit +to banter him about his Cockney clerk, still less to work up a scene out +of her conversation on the telephone. The humiliation of the Croxton +Ball seemed very far away; and, now that she was face to face with him, +she found it hard to believe that she had sat half the night staring +vengefully into the fire and plotting to punish her glib critic. He was +tough of hide as Fatty Webster.... + +The name, flashing through her mind, conjured up a picture which she had +striven to forget--a hot, scented room with men and women shrinking +against the walls, a dead girl in the middle and a convulsive, +hysterical witch opposite her. She wondered whether they were still +there, what the doctor had said.... + +"I hadn't time to see the paper to-night," she said. "Was there anything +in it?" + +"I don't think so. We won our appeal--the Great Southern Railway case; I +don't know whether you've been following it--but they're sure to take it +to the House of Lords. Otherwise--oh, your friend Webster seems to be in +trouble again." + +Lady Barbara felt as if he had struck her over the heart. + +"What's he been doing?" she asked after a pause. + +"Well, this time I think he was more sinned against than sinning. He had +some people to tea in his flat, and one of them was inconsiderate enough +to die on the premises." + +"Oh, how dreadful!" She was quite satisfied with her inflection. +"Where's the paper? Herbert, will you get me the evening paper out of +the morning-room?" + +"It's only a line or so in the stop-press," Jack warned her. + +"But I want to see who was there!" + +He looked at her closely, for her voice had risen in excitement. When it +was too late, she realized that it would have been more natural to ask +who had died. Before Jack's eyes her own fell, but she had time to +wonder again whether he was stupidly incurious or deliberately +secretive. There were moments when his "superiority" seemed more than a +manner, when she felt bare and trapped. The placid, round-cheeked smile +might have belonged to a cheerful ploughboy, but the commonplace grey +eyes were sometimes intelligent and always watchful. + +When the paper came, she felt that he was looking through her, and her +hands trembled. + +"Did you know the girl?" he asked. + +"I met her once--for a moment. What a horrible thing to happen!" + +"You must be glad you weren't there." + +"What d'you mean?" + +As the indignant, frightened question broke from her, she felt that she +was behaving like a stage criminal and betraying herself because the +audience expected it of her. It was a barrister's business to lure you +on with innocent questions.... She was convinced that Jack knew +everything and was playing with her. + +"You always used to go about with him," he pointed out; and she wondered +what base satisfaction one human being could derive from torturing +another. + +"It's curious the way you dislike people without knowing them," she +answered. "Now, shall I behave like a perfect Victorian and leave you to +your wine while I do a little embroidery in the drawing-room? I haven't +_got_ any embroidery and, if I had, I couldn't do it. Or would you like +me to sit with you?" + +When it was too late, she knew that she wanted to escape and collect +herself before he went on with his inquisition. + +"You won't smoke while I'm drinking port-wine, will you?" he asked +without answering her question; and his impudence determined her to +throw away the opportunity of retreat. + +She prepared a crushing retort, discarded it for one more crushing and +suddenly realized that in her present state he could beat her and very +easily make her cry. If she cried, too, he would only think that she was +acting.... + +"Please let me have _one_ cigarette," she begged. "I'll go to the other +end of the room." + +As she walked away to the fire-place and stood with her elbow on the +mantel-piece and her head half in shadow, Jack thought for a moment of +asking her to come back; but he was not wholly reconciled to the +practice of smoking among women, and Colonel Waring had taught him that +to drink a vintage wine with a tainted palate was even less excusable +than to enter a church without removing one's hat. + +"Wouldn't you like a chair?" he asked by way of compromise. + +"I prefer standing, thanks. Mr. Waring, I told you on the telephone that +I was worried out of my mind. I don't know how much you've heard, but I +was _with_ Fatty Webster when that girl died. Did you know that?" + +The placid, plough-boy smile faded slowly; and, as he raised his +eyebrows, Lady Barbara appreciated that she was betraying herself +gratuitously. + +"I only know what's in the paper. What happened?" + +She retained enough judgement to see that she must now tell him +everything, enough prudence to exact a promise of secrecy. As she +described Madame Hilary and the _séance_, she could see prim disapproval +on his features, deepening with every name and incident in the story. +For a man with no great range of facial expression, he succeeded in +conveying categorical contempt for her manner of life, her friends and +herself; and she forgot her troubles in a warm rush of anger. + +"Just let me understand," he interrupted, as the story drew to an end. +"Are you coming to me for advice, do you think I can help you? Or are +you just entertaining me with your latest escapade?" + +Lady Barbara gripped the edge of the mantel-piece to keep control of +herself. + +"Perhaps I thought I might get a little sympathy," she answered. + +Jack lay back in his chair, pushing away his wine-glass and reaching for +his coffee-cup. He chose a cigar and pierced it; and every act in its +deliberation and absorbed care for his own comfort set her on fire to +ruffle his exasperating composure. + +"I should have thought the others had a prior claim on any sympathy +that's going about." + +"I'm afraid no amount of sympathy will bring the dead back to life," she +answered in a whisper. + +"I wasn't thinking of her. But the others did at least stand their +ground." + +"You mean I deserted my friends?" she demanded furiously. + +"Well, of course you did,--if they are your friends. It wasn't your +fault, but it wasn't theirs, either. Because your own record of inquests +doesn't court enquiry, you're allowed to cut and run." + +"I couldn't have done any good by staying." + +He made no answer until he had found matches and lighted his cigar. It +was evidently important that the coffee and brandy and tobacco should +march abreast; evidently science and art went to the skilled lighting of +a cigar; a man--or at least Jack Waring--could not be expected to attend +to other people's troubles until he had made sure of his own comfort. + +"Ah, there I disagree," he said at length. "It would have made all the +difference in the world. First of all you'd have proved that you _were_ +the sort of person one can go tiger-shooting with--it wasn't a +particularly _proud_ thing to do, was it?--and then you'd have proved +to yourself that you'd got the moral courage to refuse a cheap +surrender; and you'd have learned that eccentric amusements have to be +paid for at blackmailing prices: you could go into court with an easy +conscience, if you'd been having tea at Rumpelmayer's and the girl had +died there. In the next place----" + +Lady Barbara turned her head slowly and succeeded in stopping him +without saying a word. + +"I should be careful, if I were you, Mr. Waring," she recommended, as he +paused. + +"My dear Lady Barbara, you introduced the subject. You can't have all +the fun of posing as a candidate for sympathy.... If you'd stayed, it +would have changed your whole life. There would have been such an outcry +that you'd have been broken; people simply wouldn't meet you. Not only +Loring House would be closed to you----" + +A coffee-spoon rattled onto the floor, as she turned on him again. + +"I _won't_ be spoken to like this!" + +"It may come yet, of course," Jack went on reflectively, hardly noticing +her furious interruption. "These things always _do_ get out----" + +"Are you trying to frighten me?" she asked. But she was frightened long +before he entered the house. This was the kind of mishap to bring her +months of ill luck.... + +Jack was angry without shewing it or guessing the reason. The young +actress's death shocked him less than Lady Barbara's easy acceptance of +it. To her and to Sonia Dainton, to Erckmann and the baroness, to +Webster and Pennington, the dead girl was a nonentity from another +world; they were sorry that she had died so young, they were shocked +that she had died at all; but, had she been a Kanaka or Lascar +bunker-rat, they could not have troubled less to wonder whether she had +mother or sisters to mourn her; she was a super from the theatrical +underworld, and her ill-judged time and place of dying had put them +into a very embarrassing position. When Jack hinted at a social boycott +of Barbara, he was threatening, what he only lacked power to enforce; +she deserved punishment, and, if he could not punish her as she +deserved, he could at least get far away from her to a society which +took death seriously. + +"I'm not sufficiently interested, I'm afraid," he answered with languid +boredom that thinly veiled his disgust. + +"But you'd like to see me 'broken', you'd feel so superior----," she +taunted. + +He looked at his watch and slowly pushed back his chair. + +"Why you invited me I don't quite know," he mused. "Surely not to help +you out with one of your little dramatic scenes?... Now, about +to-morrow--will you be up to coming to this show?" + +"No! And even I might think twice before going to a theatre while that +girl's still unburied. That's why I'm here now, why I gave myself the +pleasure of asking you to dine with me.... And you may be quite +comfortable in your mind; you won't ever need to risk your reputation by +being seen in my company again." + +Jack could see that her nerves were sadly unstrung, but he could not +understand the restless vanity which always posed her in the limelight +ahead of the world in novelty and extravagance and yet so lacked +confidence that she was wounded if any dared criticize. + +"I accept my dismissal," he said good-humouredly. Nothing would induce +him to give her the satisfaction of a parting scene. His training at +home, at Eton and at New College taught him that an Englishman might +legitimately display every quality but emotion. "I warned you that I was +not a social success." + +"Have you tried very hard? You always talk to me as if I'd no more +feeling than that table." + +Lady Barbara needed concentration to analyze him. She knew that a man +is usually cruel only to those whom he likes or loathes; and it dawned +upon her that, when an unsocial animal consented to meet her at all, he +would not try to hurt her unless he cared for her. + +"I'm not going to join your musical-comedy chorus of adulators, when I +think you ought to be soundly whipped; I'm not even going to say, 'Oh, +that's Barbara Neave's way; she's always a law unto herself.' I think +that's the thinnest excuse.... Why did you insist on telling me about it +at all? It's like some one boasting that he smokes a hundred cigarettes +a day.... But your mother said I was to send you to bed early. Good-bye, +Lady Barbara." + +She walked with him into the hall and watched his elaborate and +characteristic care in arranging his scarf. + +"I seem to have failed again," she sighed; and this time there was an +unaffected wistfulness in her voice. + +"What were you trying to bring off?" he asked harshly. + +"I hardly know.... I'm _not_ trying to make a scene now, but don't you +think you've been a bit hard on me? I was a fool ever to have anything +to do with Fatty Webster: good. I was a fool to go to that _séance_: +good. If you like, I was a coward to come away. But what actually +happened was just bad luck, and you've been talking as if it was my +fault. I didn't enjoy it very much, I don't like thinking about it; it's +just possible that it was a very horrible shock. I wasn't asking you to +approve of it, but you might have been a little bit more sympathetic." + +Her lips were trembling, and Jack remembered with consternation the +night of the Croxton ball when he had made her cry. Then and now he had +said nothing that he wanted to retract, but all reasonable discussion +ended when tears were brought in as an argument. + +"It must have been beastly for you," he assented. "I should have been +more sympathetic, perhaps, if I'd thought that it would have any +permanent effect on you." + +"Don't you think it will?" + +"I shan't be there to see," he laughed. "I've been dismissed." + +Barbara sighed and reminded him of her headache by drawing her hand +slowly across her eyes. Since the night of the ball, when he sat beside +her at the piano, he had forgotten how beautiful her hands were. + +"You made me lose my temper. I'm sorry, if I said anything rude. There! +Do you want to be dismissed?" + +The softening in her tone was infectious, and Jack smiled. + +"I like you, when you're like this. But the more we meet, the more I +shall ruffle your plumage. Why on earth did you ask me to dine with you +to-night?" + +Lady Barbara looked at him and looked away before answering. To put her +feeling into words was at once to overstate it; but she had hovered that +afternoon on a shadow-line and for the first time in her life she had +lost confidence in herself and reached out towards some one strong +enough to help her, perhaps strong enough to check her. It was an +impulse inspired by the contrast of Sonia sobbing in her chair and +Jack's assured voice on the telephone; the impulse would pass, when her +nerves were steady again, but her spirit was changed and no longer +self-sufficient. + +"I wanted to tell you that I couldn't come to the theatre with you +to-morrow," she improvised and wondered whether he would trouble to +notice the glaring inadequacy of the excuse. She wondered, too, why she +had chosen Jack rather than another.... "Mr. Waring, once in a way I +give a party at Crawleigh; no officials, no politicians--just my +friends. I'm arranging one quite soon. Will you come? Just for the +week-end. It won't interfere with your work." + +Jack hesitated and fingered his hat in embarrassment. + +"You know, I'm no good at that sort of thing," he grumbled. + +"But you like talking to me,--when I'm on my good behaviour." + +"How long will it last?" + +"As long as you're there," she laughed. + +"In other words, you're going to make _me_ responsible?" + +"Doesn't that appeal to your missionary spirit?" + +Jack looked at her and decided that even a formal protest would only +feed her vanity. He stared abstractedly at her as though she were a +horse led out for his inspection. Suddenly she smiled, and, as her face +lit up with vitality and mischief, the haggard expression vanished and +left her beautiful. Perhaps the smile had come in answer to an +unsuspected light of admiration in his own eyes; perhaps she was a +better actress than he thought and could transform herself at will; no +one could gain her reputation as a coquette without earning it and +working for it. + +"It isn't fair to abuse me for behaving badly," she pouted, "if you're +too lazy to make me behave well." + +"I have a living to earn. You'd want one man's undivided attention," he +answered. + +"But I should be very repaying." + +"You'd be amusing for a time. But it would be a wearing life; I'm +doubtful even about this week-end." + +"But you'll come?" + +"If you haven't quarrelled with me or got into any fresh scrape by +then." He turned on the door-step to shake hands with her. "When you +marry, Lady Barbara, I shall send your husband my warmest +congratulations." + +"Thank you. I think that's the first time you've come near doing me +justice." + +"As a wedding-present," he continued, "I shall send him a little +silver-mounted dog-whip." + + + + +CHAPTER SEVEN + +A MATTER OF DUTY + + "My lord master, you have heard the design I am upon which is to + marry.... I humbly beseech you ... to give me your best advice + therein." "Then," answered Pantagruel, "seeing you have so decreed + and taken deliberation theron ... what need is there of further + talk thereof, but forthwith to put into execution what you have + resolved." "Yea, but," quoth Panurge, "I would be loth to act + anything therein without your counsel had thereto." "It is my + judgment also," quoth Pantagruel, "and I advise you to it." + "Nevertheless," quoth Panurge, "if you think it were much better + for me to remain a bachelor, as I am, than to run headlong upon new + hare-brained undertakings of conjugal adventure, I would rather + choose not to marry." "Not marry then," said Pantagruel. "Yea, + but," quoth Panurge, "would you have me so solitarily drag out the + whole course of my life without the comfort of a matrimonial + consort? You know it is written Vae Soli; and a single person is + never seen to reap the joy and solace that is found among those + that are wedlockt." "Wedlock it then, in the name of God," quoth + Pantagruel. "But if," quoth Panurge, "..." + + _Rabelais: How Panurge asketh counsel of + Pantagruel whether he should + marry yea or no._ + + +A week before Christmas, Loring cabled to his mother that he was on his +way back to England; in the spring of 1914 he landed at Southampton and +travelled unobtrusively to London while his yacht proceeded to Glasgow +for overhauling and repairs. And, from the moment when his cable was +received, an unconscious adjustment of relationships began, +crystallizing in a series of informal family councils. + +Ever since the ultimatum from Surinam, Lady Barbara had not set foot in +House of Steynes or Loring House. It was plausible to pretend that in +Jim's absence his mother was not entertaining, but on his return all +three branches of the family decided that they could not afford the +scandal of an open breach and of a Catholic house divided against +itself. Lady Crawleigh enlisted the support of Lady Knightrider and made +an attack in force on Lady Loring. Thirty years before, the three +sisters had, each in her own way, been celebrated; Lady Crawleigh had +the good looks, Lady Knightrider the good temper and Lady Loring the +brains; and their marriages, one after another, to a Scottish baronet +and two of the richest Catholic peers in England were felt to be +fundamentally satisfactory. As they had begun, so they went on; Kathleen +Knightrider bore a daughter and a son, Eleanor Loring a son and a +daughter, Doreen Crawleigh three sons and two daughters, of whom the +younger died in infancy. The three husbands were above criticism in life +and position; if Sir Charles Knightrider was little more than amateur +landscape-gardener and ornithologist, Lord Loring was very nearly at the +head of the Catholic laity in England; while Lord Crawleigh's succession +of great offices, which he not only filled but adorned, would have +satisfied the most ambitious woman. If the individuality of the three +wives became merged in their husbands, they still made a strong social +combination. + +"I hear Jim's on his way home," said Lady Crawleigh without preamble. +"When he comes, Eleanor, we shall have to make peace between him and +Barbara." + +"I'll talk to Jim," answered his mother doubtfully. "But you know how +obstinate he is." She was divided between loyalty to her son and pity +for her sister, who could not enjoy having to plead like this for her +own daughter. "I do hope this will be a lesson to dear Barbara." + +"I hope so, too," sighed Lady Crawleigh. + +If she spoke without conviction, it was because her brain was giddy with +successive shocks. The secret of Dolly May's death was kept for exactly +five days after the inquest. Then a gaunt woman, giving no name, +demanded to see Barbara and, on hearing that she was in the country, +bearded Lord Crawleigh, who promptly threatened her with attentions from +the police. All previous courts of enquiry were trivial by comparison +with the inquisition now erected; but, as the attack developed, +Barbara's resistance developed equally, and she warned her parents that, +on the day when she came of age, she would move into a house of her own +where she could receive friends of every complexion and practice magic +of every colour. If the form of the threat was old, its clarity and +vigour were new; Barbara had less than six months to wait for her +majority and independence. + +Lady Crawleigh was still reeling under the shock of one scandal averted +and a second in prospect, when her energies were claimed by a new +problem. From an untraced source came the report that Barbara was +becoming very intimate with young Waring. He had spent a week-end at the +Abbey, unobtrusively burying himself in the smoking-room for most of the +time; and Barbara had included him in big and small dinner-parties in +Berkeley Square. Save that he was a Protestant with only the few +hundreds that he earned, he was unexceptionable; Eton, New College and +the bar covered past and present, and for the future he stood second in +succession to Penley and his uncle's title; in temperament and character +he was reported to be dull and wholly dependable. It was a paradox of +Barbara's position, her mother felt, that, when the interlocked Catholic +families had been ruled out, she seemed to have no associates except +nonentities like Gerald Deganway and John Gaymer, who were family +furniture rather than friends, or young politicians, like George +Oakleigh, or literary freaks, like Mr. Arden, or the really rather +dreadful people like the stout young man with all the cars, Mr. Webster, +who was always getting her into one scrape or another: the less said +about them, the better. Barbara was lamentably gregarious in her +friendships, but in these latter days all girls were allowed so much +liberty, they seemed to know so much and to be so intolerant of +restraint.... + +Lady Crawleigh was not at present equal to a struggle on the question of +religion. The Church had become unyielding about mixed marriages; that +was the wretched Sonia Dainton's excuse for breaking off her engagement +to Jim Loring, and, when she had nothing else to disturb her mind, Lady +Crawleigh was haunted by the fear that Barbara, who was deplorably lax, +would make some terrible scandal by marrying a Protestant without +getting a dispensation. Of course, it would not be a true marriage, and +no Catholic would consent to know her,--but it was the sort of thing +that Babs would do. + +The untraced rumour, like many another, travelled far before reaching +those most intimately concerned. Jack Waring had devoted so many years +to a middle-aged pose and the ostentatious avoidance of all social life +that his own friends commented in outspoken amusement on his +recantation. In the winter months of 1913 he began to appear at dances, +though he still refused to take an active part. "Who's the man with Babs +Neave?" quickly became "Who's the man who's always with Babs Neave?" +and, before long, "Is anything going to happen about Babs Neave and Jack +Waring?" Derision at the fall of a misogynist passed through speculation +to resentment. + +"Jack simply monopolizes Babs nowadays," complained Summertown one night +in the New Year at a dance in his mother's house. He was aggrieved at +being unable to attract Barbara's notice and had summoned Deganway, +Arden and Oakleigh to a meeting of protest in the smoking-room. "Wonder +what she sees in him," he grumbled. "He's a good fellow and all that +sort of thing--capital company on a desert island, if you wanted plenty +of bar shop, but he's taking all the bubble out of her. I tried to rope +her in for my party at the Albert Hall, but, when she heard who was +coming, she refused. Damned offensive, I thought. Said that people had +been talking about her so much that she had to be very careful. And old +Jack nodded--you could see she was doing it to please him; it'll be an +awful chuck-away if she marries him." + +"She will not marry him," Arden predicted. "If for no other reason, Lady +Lilith has still to discover a heart." + +"What's she doing it for, then?" asked Oakleigh. "I'm very fond of Jack, +he's a thoroughly good fellow, but he's _rather_ a bore." + +"What man can choose from among a woman's motives?" demanded Arden. +"Perhaps she finds a difficulty in getting rid of him. There was a time +when she was certainly intrigued, when she pursued him relentlessly. +Perhaps she feels a glow of respectability from his presence; one's +cook, if not a _cordon bleu_, was recommended to one as 'a regular +communicant.'... Perhaps she chose him to see what she could make of +him, as _le Bon Dieu_ chose the Jews. But she will not marry him.... One +has a certain instinct." + +He shook his head sagaciously and dismissed the subject. But a new +mile-stone had been reached when four men could be found gathering to +discuss Jack's marriage to Barbara as even a remote possibility. Similar +discussions had for some weeks taken place in little groups round the +walls of the ball-rooms. Lady Knightrider, who had known Jack longest +and best, confided to a friend that he was an excellent influence, a man +who would stand no nonsense from the girl; he was fearless and unmoved +by Barbara's tantrums and had once spoken very sensibly when she revived +the absurd project of leaving her parents and taking a house by herself. +That evening Phyllis Knightrider epitomised and retailed a conversation +which she had not been intended to hear by saying to Barbara, as they +drove to the dance, "Mother's quite made up her mind that you ought to +marry Jack Waring. She says he's the only man she knows who can keep you +in order." + +The attack was opened three hours later from the opposite flank, when +Gerald Deganway put up his eye-glass and stared at Jack with an +affectation of shocked gravity. + +"My dear, every one's talking about you," he exclaimed. "It's becoming +quite a scandal." + +"_What's_ becoming a scandal?" asked Jack. + +"You and Babs Neave." + +"What a pity it is that people can't mind their own business!" + +Any one acquainted with Deganway knew better than to take his gossip at +face-value, but Jack was amazed to find that he had given material for +chatter and speculation even to Deganway. To be a friend of Barbara +Neave, as Arden once said, was like going for a walk with an arc-lamp; +but they had been frigidly circumspect and restrained. Two week-ends at +Crawleigh Abbey, perhaps six dinners in London and twice that number of +dances, where he looked in at supper-time and left after an hour, +covered their public intimacy. For a moment Jack was roused to violent +irritation towards Deganway, then he dismissed the irritation in +gratitude for the warning. There was no time to lose, if this kind of +nonsense was being talked, and he stationed himself at the door of the +ball-room and pounced upon Barbara at the end of the dance. + +"You're not really hungry, are you?" she asked, when he suggested that +they should have supper together. + +"I want to talk with you," he answered. + +Barbara started imperceptibly. Jack was less self-possessed than usual; +of any other man she would argue from a varied experience that he +meditated proposing to her. + +"I'll come down, if you like," she answered gently. She always achieved +success with Jack when her voice grew caressing and she promised to do +a thing, if he liked. "I hope I'm not in disgrace?" + +"You? Oh, no. I'm going away on circuit to-morrow, though," he said, +tidying away a litter of dirty plates from the only unoccupied table. + +"When will you be back?" + +Jack helped her to a cutlet as though he were serving out rations, +sprinkled his own with salt, cut his roll in two, prospected for a clean +glass and poured out some champagne, which he tasted cautiously, with a +murmured, "'04 Bollinger! It's a crime to waste that on a ball!" For a +man not naturally greedy, supper was very absorbing. + +"I shall be away for a week or two," he explained, precipitately adding, +"at least." + +Barbara's eyes were on his face, but he had no attention to spare from +the cutlet. + +"Ring me up, when you come back, and suggest a night for dinner," she +said. + +"I shall have a good deal of work to do when I get back. I've been +getting very slack lately. _And_ dissipated; you've been making me keep +too late hours." + +Barbara sighed wearily. + +"As if I 'made' you do anything! Will you be back before Easter?" + +"Oh, yes." + +"Would you like to come to Crawleigh for Easter?" + +He went through the same ceremonial with a second cutlet and then said, +without looking up: + +"I shall be going to my people for Easter." + +Barbara raised her eyebrows and turned half away. + +"I apologize," she murmured. + +"Why?" + +"For bothering you with unwelcome invitations." + +This time there was no hesitation, though Jack was conscious that his +voice and lips were unsteady. + +"It doesn't do much good, does it?" he asked with a lop-sided smile. + +"What doesn't?" + +"Our meeting." + +"I thought you liked being with me; and I thought it gratified your +missionary spirit," she added tartly. + +"But does it do much good beyond affording a topic of conversation for +congenital idiots? I'm looking ahead, Lady Barbara." + +"What does that mean?" + +Jack glanced at her for the first time. He imagined that he could look +her in the eyes without embarrassment; but his hand trembled, and he saw +that he had spilt the champagne. She must have seen it, too; she could +be in no doubt of his meaning. He had intended to warn her that the +congenital idiots were coupling their names; and he had now to warn +himself that, if he saw any more of the girl, if she ever again looked +at him through smiling, half closed eyes, murmuring that she would do +what he wished because he wished it, he was quite capable of making a +fool of himself. It would not be serious, because any union between a +Catholic and the straitly reared son of bitterly Evangelical parents was +unthinkable; it would not be serious, because every one knew that +Barbara would soon have seven thousand a year of her own, provided +always that she married a Catholic, while he might hope very shortly to +be making seven hundred a year, which already had to pay for the rent of +chambers and club bedroom, share of clerk, subscription to Law Reports, +expenses of circuit, club subscriptions, food, drink, tobacco, clothes +and sundries. It would not be serious, but it might be very unsettling. + +"You see ... I'm--a practising barrister," he explained. "That means +that I work for my living and am looking forward to doing so for the +best part of my life." + +"And I've been wasting your time? I'm sorry, Jack. I like you, when +you're gentle and don't find fault with me. I didn't mean to be +selfish." + +She had not thought it prudent to use his Christian name since the +disastrous night of the Croxton Ball. + +"I've loved it," he answered. "I always told you that I thought a +tremendous lot of you. But I have to work. I sometimes think that, so +long as a man's decently dressed, a girl never bothers to think whether +he's got twopence a year or ten thousand," he added with a touch of +bitterness. + +"Can't you manage Easter at Crawleigh?" she asked. + +He picked up his gloves and offered her a cigarette. + +"Don't you understand?" + +"I don't understand about money; people make such an absurd fuss over +it. I understand that, as usual, you're making me ask twice for what +most men would give me without asking; and that's sometimes a little +humiliating. Still, you say I'm a law unto myself. Will you come?" He +still hesitated; and she leaned forward with her hand on his sleeve. +"Have I _ever_ refused to do anything you asked?" + +"I don't think you have," said Jack slowly. "I--shall be delighted to +come." + +He drove her home that night, wondering what she meant by saying in such +a context that she was a law unto herself. As the taxi left Berkeley +Square, he half thought of driving to the Temple and talking to Eric +Lane. But he had nothing to say and did not know what he wanted. He was +elated and a little frightened; never before had he so sorely needed +cold, brutal advice; and this question, which he did not yet dare to +define, was one which he would have to solve by himself. As he +undressed, he wondered what Barbara was doing, what she had meant, +whether she had meant anything.... + +He was away from London for three weeks; and in that time he +unhurriedly made up his mind to marry her. Lying awake in his berth on +the night train to Newcastle, he decided that he must have fallen in +love with her at the Croxton ball. As a bachelor his responsibilities +and troubles were confined within the four walls of his bedroom at a +very comfortable club; he lived like a prince on four or five hundred a +year; and he had never needed the companionship of a woman--least of +all, of a woman whom he had instinctively avoided for three years and +who quarrelled with him daily when they had at last met. He appreciated +now that they quarrelled because he could not bear to see her cheapening +herself, because he was already in love with her. + +And she must have fallen in love with him at the same time; though he +lectured her until she broke down and cried, she begged him to come back +and give her another chance. The night when she first invited him to +dine with her marked her transition to certainty, but it was only when +they were parting that their two certainties engaged and interlocked. +While he pronged his cutlet and sprinkled it with salt, eyes prudently +averted, each discovered that the other was becoming a habit; he liked +her sudden petulance and sudden softening, her restless changes and +lightning vitality; and he wondered in sudden humility what she, with +her charm and quickness, could see in him. Her family, hitherto +friendly, would be disappointed; for she could marry any one, and they +would murmur that she had thrown herself away on a poor man who might, +indeed, gamble his way into silk, but would never rise to the Bench, the +Appeal Court or the House of Lords. She would forfeit her godfather's +fortune by marrying a Protestant; and, if they were to live at all, the +Crawleighs must come to their aid. Perhaps the Crawleighs disliked mixed +marriages as much as the Warings.... + +Jack turned on the light and frowned at the imitation maple-wood +compartment. He must be prepared for a struggle. _Imprimis_ the +theological history of the Warings began with Zachary Macaulay, diverged +into abolitionism, collected and tidied itself under Lord John Russell +and the No-Popery movement and came to an inglorious and unseen end, +when the family purged itself politically of a whig taint. Mr. Kensit +was a tough, awkward mouthful, and, in the absence of a more restrained +leader, the Warings did their good to Protestantism by stealth. The +colonel fought an honourable fight for the Geneva gown; he talked of +"clergymen" and "communion-tables," where others lisped papistically of +"priests" and "altars"; and there were heated and unconvincing arguments +in the vicarage library about the ornaments rubric. But, if they no +longer took a part in public ecclesiastical controversy, the family +would choke at Barbara's name. The colonel was vaguely disquieted when +Jack, under the guidance of Jim Loring, drifted into "that Catholic set" +(he refrained from calling them Papists out of consideration for Jack's +feelings, but he frequently abbreviated their definition to "R. C's"); +to marry an "R. C." was hardly more venial than to marry a black woman +or to wear a ring in one's nose. And since this insolent _Ne temere_ +decree.... + +Jack had heard it quoted, but had never sought enlightenment lest he +should pour oil on the sinking fires. Colonel Waring treated religious +controversy as his safety-valve and needed no encouragement. But it was +time for Jack to find out where he stood. + +Val Arden was discovered unexpectedly in the hotel at Leeds, and Jack +invited him to dine with the bar mess after the first day of the +Assizes. + +"One was persuaded to deliver a lecture," the novelist explained. "The +hard-headed men of the West Riding will think twice before repeating the +venture; but it was an experience for them, and one escaped with one's +life. The North is very remote. One is still remembered in London? Yes? +One's friends are in reasonable health?" + +"They're bearing up," Jack answered. "Jim Loring's back in England." + +"A sadder and a wiser man, one hears. Well, if a man wants romance, he +must be prepared to pay for it. One feels that it is worth the +inconvenience of three years' exile not to be married to Sonia Dainton. +You know the full sad story? No? It should be a lesson." + +At dinner he weighted his gossip and airy moralizing with serviceable +information. Jack learned that a Catholic could only obtain dispensation +for a mixed marriage, if the non-Catholic undertook that all the +children of the marriage should be brought up in the Catholic faith. It +seemed an unequal stipulation, but the only alternative was for the +Catholic to defy the Church and to renounce his faith, which was no less +unequal. When Arden was gone to bed, Jack surveyed the problem from the +standpoint of his family, of Barbara and of himself. There would be a +bitter fight at Red Roofs and another at Crawleigh Abbey; but the +alternative was to give up Barbara. Neither of them submitted easily to +opposition. + +He returned to London a few days before Easter, only concerned to wonder +how a man prepared the ground before asking a girl to marry him; he had +talked vaguely of admiration, but he had never made love to Barbara. And +he must find out whether the Crawleighs regarded him as a _persona +grata_. And he must explain to Barbara his financial position and the +kind of life that a barrister led; and they must have a talk about this +religious business.... + +Barbara herself, and the party which she had gathered for Easter at the +Abbey, gave him generous opportunity. With Loring and his sister,--both +persuaded by their mother "to give Babs one last chance"--with +Summertown and Sally Farwell, Pentyre, Victor Knightrider, Gerald +Deganway, Charles Framlingham and a leavening of the Crawleighs' +official friends to entertain one another, there was no difficulty in +slipping away unobserved. So long as Barbara distributed herself +equitably at luncheon and dinner, no one seemed to miss her at other +times; and, as Jack did not play bridge, some one had to talk to him in +the evenings. + +She welcomed him with the mood and language of their last night together +in London. + +"Well, I hope the practising barrister made a lot of money," she said to +him the first evening after dinner. + +"I had rather a good assize," he answered. "My fair share at Leeds and +more than my fair share at Newcastle. In money, it wouldn't seem much to +you, but I'm quite pleased." + +A word of congratulation launched him on a conscientious survey of his +fees and cases from the delivery of his first brief. In succeeding +conversation he threw further slabs of information at her by schedule, +talking of himself with simple-minded absorption. Finance was polished +off the first night; the Waring family, three times sub-divided, +occupied the following day, and with healthy relentlessness he +overhauled Catholicism in particular and revealed religion in general. + +The conversation, if one-sided and monotonous, was at least amicable +until a smouldering brand from the theological bonfire, waved to life in +the kindling breeze of personality, set her ablaze. + +"Of course, the whole bag of tricks wants overhauling," said Jack of the +Established Church and its liturgy. "When a fellow's ordained, he _says_ +he believes all sorts of things that he doesn't, really. Every +congregation mouths responses like so many parrots, but if you tackled +any single member with a plain question, he'd have to admit that he +didn't believe the whole business exactly as it's set out in the +pleadings. Well, I've got a legal mind. If you say Christ _descended_ +into _Hell_ and on the third day _rose_ again from the dead and +_ascended_ into Heaven, I want to know if you mean it literally or +figuratively? That's one of the beauties of _your_ Church; you don't +admit any doubt or vagueness." + + + _"'What are the laws of nature, not to bend + If the Church bid them?'"_ + + +murmured Barbara. + +"You believe that?" + +"It was a quotation. I'm sorry." + +"It's a logical point of view. With us you pick and choose. In the +marriage service it's becoming the fashion for a girl to say she'll +'love and honour' her husband. Now, the Prayer Book says, 'love, honour +and _obey_.' If I were a parson, I'd refuse to go on with the service +until she'd said 'obey.'" + +"But if she doesn't mean to?" asked Barbara. "I think it's degrading." + +"If it comes to a tussle, the woman has to give in; so why is she +degraded by recognizing it and promising beforehand?" + +"She doesn't have to. You couldn't make me--even with a dog-whip." + +Though he affected a laugh, Jack had many times regretted the phrase. +Barbara kept it in the forefront of her memory and persistently threw it +down as a challenge to herself, when her natural independence flagged. + +"You'd obey me without that. You can't have two captains on one ship. I +don't suppose that any modern husband goes about saying, 'I order you to +do this'; he tries to dovetail their two lives into one----" + +"Then there wouldn't be much obedience, if I always got my own way." + +"That you certainly wouldn't do!" he laughed. + +"What d'you mean?" + +Jack looked down the long drawing-room and reflected before answering. +It was the last night of his visit to Crawleigh Abbey, and he was hardly +prepared for a declaration. Though he had conscientiously put Barbara in +possession of all material information, she had received it without +comment. In four days he had not brought her any nearer; sometimes it +seemed as if she were not trying to help him, and all that he had +achieved was to fall four days more in love with her. Instinctively he +felt that this was not the most favourable time for a parade of +authority; but he had defined his attitude towards every other relevant +issue, and it was tidier not to leave his task unfinished. Before +marriage or immediately after, he would have to indicate certain people +whom he did not care for her to meet, certain things that he did not +care for her to do. The theatrical connection, for instance, would have +to be cut; Colonel Waring often said that, thirty years ago, an actress +was never received at the big houses. Now there was a considerable +group, ranging from Manders at the top to quarter-bred anonymities at +the bottom, who regarded her as belonging to their world. + +"If you were married to me, I should change your mode of +life--drastically," he answered. + +"What do you find so very unsatisfactory in it?" + +Her tone was in itself a warning; but, if she challenged him to make out +his case, Jack could not refuse the challenge. + +"You're too big for your company," he began from the familiar text. +"Take me as a typical case. I knew of you years before I knew you; and +I--on account _of_ your friends, you know--I'd have gone miles to avoid +meeting you. To me--and the world at large--you were simply a girl who +forced yourself into the limelight and got up to mischief with people +that you simply ought never to have known. Since I've got to know you +and like you, by Jove, I'd give ten years of my life to get _un_said the +sort of things I used to hear about you. I remember thinking, before I +met you, 'If she were my _sister_....'" + +"What kind of things did you hear?" asked Barbara quietly. + +"I needn't particularize," he answered. + +Barbara shrugged her shoulders and relaxed her attention, only to +concentrate it again as she found him particularizing in merciless +detail. There were crimes, misdemeanours and sins of the spirit. The +stolen car, the mangled chauffeur and the endless, unforgettable inquest +were dragged to the light; Jack spared her the coroner's rasping +comments, but he could not resist another allusion to the Surinam cable. +There was a raided roulette-party, when Summertown had helped her into +safety by the fire-escape. (She found time to wonder how he had heard of +it; either Val Arden or Summertown was running up a bill against +himself.) There was an embarrassing encounter at a night club, where she +had gone with Sir Adolf Erckmann's party: all would have been well, if +Sonia Dainton had not come with Webster and if Webster had not been +drunk. As it was, there had been the makings of unpleasantness. George +Oakleigh had taken Sonia home, Webster had become quite helpless; and, +in trying to dispose of him, they had all attracted a good deal of +notice. Then there was the episode of Madame Hilary. So much for the +crimes. + +"You take a great interest in the movements of some one you despise," +commented Barbara. She wondered why she consented to listen to him, but +she was unequal to the self-denial of going away while she was being +discussed. + +"My dear girl, these things fly from one end of London to the other +almost before you've done them. You _won't_ recognize how well known you +are! D'you appreciate that I should let myself in for a first-class row +with my people, if I told them that we were friends? All rot, of course; +but there you are." + +After the crimes, the misdemeanours--the innocent things which she was +"too big" to do. The one tiresome phrase was reinforced by others as +insistent and tiresome. Some one--probably his stiff little sister--had +taught him the word "grisette." "That may be all very well for a +grisette, but you...." Some one--probably his mother--had divided a +girl's behaviour into what was "hoydenish" and what was not; Barbara +felt that she had all the markings of a pedigree hoyden. He contributed +a few phrases of his own, assuring her gravely that this or that was +"simply not done, you know;" and, as other men drew breath before +embarking on a new sentence, he introduced every new count in the +indictment with an apology that was but a veiled further reproach. "I +expect you think I'm an awful prude.... I may be old-fashioned, but I've +always been brought up to believe...." + +After the misdemeanours, the sins of the spirit. + +"You admit that you're frightfully vain and spoiled," he began +pleasantly. "You admit that you expect every one to do exactly what you +want without even being asked...." He traced the deleterious effect of +such vanity on her character. Whatever was going on--from a pageant to a +sale of work--she must be in it; her photograph must be in every paper. +And, when there was no opportunity for public display, she made it, +forced it. Hence this chain of escapades; it was self-advertisement, +and, God knew, she was too big for that sort of thing. + +At first Barbara listened in amazement; then she became so angry that +her attention wandered, as she debated whether to stalk out of the room +or to turn on him with all her resources of invective. But to run away +was to spare him his punishment. He should apologize for each word, on +his knees. And when he had made recantation, he could go. + +"If you were my wife, I should have to change all that," he ended. + +Barbara touched her cheeks and was surprised to find them cool. + +"You've--rather made mincemeat of me," she sighed, because a sigh loosed +some of her pent anger, and she could not be sure of her speaking voice. +"Jack, in addition to the vanity, do you think I've got any pride?... +Let's go and see how the others are getting on. It's such a pity you +don't play bridge." + +As he got up, Jack touched her hand. + +"I say, have I said anything to offend you?" + +"A fly isn't 'offended' when some boy pulls its legs out one by one. +_Please_ let go my hand, Jack! You must admit I've listened patiently; +I've not said a word in my defence--I suppose you think there's nothing +_to_ be said;--but I don't feel I can stand any more.... Or do you want +to make me cry again?" + +Her eyes opened and shut quickly; and, by the time that she turned to +him, they were filled with tears. + +"Barbara! It had to be said some time! But I honestly didn't mean to +hurt you. Listen----" + +"Not in my own house! I _do_ count for something here! Don't make me +cry! Don't humiliate me before all of them! It's only to-night. You need +never see me again." + +Her sudden abasement inflamed him as though he had struck her and she +were begging for mercy. + +"Barbara! forgive me! I want to say something to you." Though both were +speaking almost in whispers, there was a change in his voice. Barbara +looked at him mistily through a film of tears and saw that he was going +to ask her to marry him before she was ready. When the time came, it +should be of her choosing; and they would not be at one end of a room +with three bridge-tables at the other. + +"No! I want to talk to you. May I? It's my turn, Jack." As she smiled at +him, a tear trickled down her cheek, and she brushed it away with her +hand. He stared at her without understanding, for, though she could be +regal or pathetic, she seemed incapable of ill-temper or resentment. +"Don't you see that, with father, I was brought up in the limelight +since I was a child? Try to imagine how much I've always done and then +tell me if I'm likely to be content with--well, the very domestic life +you say your sister leads. Remember, too, that I've a passion for some +things, which you could never understand. You don't like Sir Adolf, no +more do I, but I'd go anywhere for good music. And, more than that, I'd +be friends with any one, if he had temperament and interested me. I want +the _whole_ of life.... If a thing's not _wrong_, I don't care whether +it's unconventional: if there's nothing wrong in roulette, if I play it +under my father's eyes at Monte Carlo, I'll play it in London; and, if +there's a silly law to drive an innocent thing under ground, I'll play +it under ground. '_Publish and be damned. Your affectionate +Wellington._' I admire people who are too big to mind what's said in the +servants' hall.... But don't let's wrangle on our last night! I'm sorry +if I've disappointed you." + +As she took a step towards the bridge-tables, Jack felt that he was +losing her; yet he would only stultify himself by an apology. + +"I'm afraid I don't put things very happily," he compromised. + +"No more than that?" + +"Well, it's your turn now." + +"I could never criticize one of my guests." + +She gave him time to see that no reply was possible, then took another +step towards the bridge players. More strongly than ever he felt that he +was losing her. + +"I hope I shall be one of your guests again, Barbara." + +She shook her head and smiled with tired gentleness. Jack discovered +that she was capable, in her quiet passages, of great dignity, which +contributed to his general conception of her as "big" and punished him +more completely than if she had lost her temper and made a scene. + +"But you can't like hurting me.... And I've tried to be so sweet to you. +You don't want to come again?" + +"But I do." + +He hoped to hear her say "Why?" so that he could recover ground and +secure a good jumping-off place for their next meeting. + +"Then I'll ask you. I told you at Croxton that I loved doing what people +asked. We shall be coming up to London next week. But I shall never make +you see my point of view." + +"I think I've made you see mine." + +Barbara turned away without answering, and Jack interpreted her silence +as surrender. She whispered good-night to her mother and went to her +room for fear of insulting him in public. Everything could be forgiven +except this last blatant, avowed assumption that he had bullied her into +submission. His punishment became a matter of duty. + + + + +CHAPTER EIGHT + +A MATTER OF PLEASURE + + "But what will not ambition and revenge + Descend to? Who aspires, must down as low + As high he soar'd, obnoxious, first or last, + To basest things. Revenge, at first though sweet + Bitter ere long, back on itself recoils...." + + MILTON: "PARADISE LOST." + + + "_My Dear Barbara,_ + + "_I have seen so little of you lately that I don't know what your + movements are. Are you expecting me at the Abbey next week-end? And + shall I find you at Ross House on Friday? I particularly want to + talk to you._ + + "_Ever yours_, + "JACK WARING." + + +The letter, written nearly a month after Barbara's Easter party, was +Jack's first documentary admission that a state of war had been +proclaimed and that he was tardily conscious of it. On returning to +London, Barbara invited him to dine, as she had promised; but she +invited so many other people at the same time that he had little +opportunity of talking to her. In the excitement and rush of the early +season, as she darted from dinner to play and from play to ball, it was +impossible to catch her in a serious mood. Jack followed at a +non-committal distance and tried to get her to himself occasionally for +a moment at supper; but, after he had made two of these abortive +attempts, she explained with gentle reproof that it was hardly fair to +expect her to give up dancing because he himself refused to learn; if +he wanted to see her, he could wait and take her home; she would not be +later than three or perhaps four.... After two experiments, Jack changed +his tactics; he could not stay up all night, if he had to be in court +next day at ten o'clock, and there was little intimacy or romance in +driving home with a girl who either dropped asleep or treated the taxi +as an omnibus for distributing her friends about London. + +When they met, her good-humour and friendliness reassured him, but they +met so seldom that he made no progress. Letters were unsatisfactory, for +he was afraid of saying too much and always wanted to write "without +prejudice" at the head of the sheet. She never answered more than one in +three; and, though he wrote about himself and his work, she hardly +responded to his suggestion that she had a right to know what he was +doing and that he had no less a right to expect her to be interested in +it. This, he decided, was the fruit of twenty years' spoiling; the +effort--if need be, the abasement--must come on his side. + +After a week in which he did not meet her at all, Jack convinced himself +that love could not be conducted on a limited liability basis; no man +achieved passion and saved his face at the same time. It would have been +easier to treat marriage like a casual invitation to dinner and to say +"Will you marry me? No? Well, it does not matter; I thought I'd just ask +you ..."; but a woman was not to be won until she saw that it mattered +more than anything else. After deep thought and with momentarily +increasing reluctance, he went to an address which he had found in the +_Morning Post_, paid three guineas and for a conscientious hour at a +time practised steps and pranced round a studio off the King's Road with +two fluffy sisters who taught him a little of dancing and much of +humility. From the first they despised his clumsiness and resented his +lofty refusal to talk, smoke, drink tea or take them out to dinner; but +their dislike and contempt were nothing to his own sense of shame. Once +back in the County Club, a man among men, deferentially--as became a +young member--asking the chairman of the Wine Committee whether they had +enough of the '84 Dow to sell it by the glass, he wondered what Mr. +Justice Maitland or old Bertrand Oakleigh would think if they dreamed +that he was lately escaped from an abomination called Effie, who +revolved in a sticky fog of cheap chocolates, and a vulgarity named Dot, +who called him "old boy." If Summertown or Gerry Deganway caught him +slinking away from chambers to be told that his knees were too stiff or +that he must hold his partner more tightly.... Jack blushed hotly and +wondered why he had not been taught to dance as a child. + +And for all his pains he got little credit. At his next meeting with +Barbara, he chose one of her favourite waltzes and suggested that she +might "risk it" with him. In the infinitely small chatter of the tired +woman round the walls it was remarked for a week that Jack Waring, who +did not usually dance, might very often be seen dancing with Babs Neave. +Val Arden accosted him with surprise and congratulated Barbara in his +presence on having humanized him. + +"But _I_ haven't done anything," she answered. + +"You said it was rather pointless for a man to come to a ball, if he +didn't dance," Jack pointed out. + +"And you did this to please me," she laughed. "How long did it take? +Only a fortnight? I wonder how long it would take you to learn bridge. +There's such a mob of people everywhere that I've made it a rule never +to dance till after supper. George Oakleigh's collecting a table now." + +As so often lately, this was not the moment for a man to advance his +suit, but Jack could not decide whether Barbara, like all the girls in +these restless, neurotic months, was too much excited to be serious or +whether she was deliberately tantalizing him and deferring surrender to +set a higher value on herself. As secretly as he had learned dancing, he +set himself to master the leads and returns of bridge. Starting with +"Auction for Beginners," he proceeded painfully to "Advanced Auction +Bridge," and challenged his parents and sister to an experimental game +during his next week-end at Red Roofs. The experiment was not repeated; +Colonel Waring, who carried into bridge the formalism and irritability +of a whist-racked youth, told him that he did not seem to have a "card +head," and, after a night of helpless anger against the unreasonableness +of women, Jack launched his ultimatum to Barbara with an indignant +resolve that she should not trifle with him any longer. + +There was little enough of the love-letter in his few words and +colourless phrasing, but Barbara felt a tremor as she read them. The +letter awaited her, with others, when she came home after a party; she +read it first, then poured herself a cup of cocoa, then read the others +and came back to it. This, then, was his capitulation to a woman of such +ill-repute that he dared not confess to his own parents that he even +knew her. + +"_My dear Jack_," she wrote in reply. "_Yes, I shall be there on Friday +and look forward to seeing you._" + +It read naturally, but gave her hypercritical mind the sense that she +was meeting him half-way; she would not let him say that his broadest +hint had been a warning. + +"_My dear Jack_," she tried again. "_I've promised faithfully to go to +the Marlings on Friday; there's rather a panic there, because poor dear +Lady M. thinks that every one will desert her for Ross House--it's her +own fault for choosing that night. If I can possibly get away, I shall +look in for a few minutes. If not, we shall meet at the Abbey next day. +Of course, we're expecting you then._" + +Though this read even more naturally, Barbara was not wholly satisfied. +She left the letter in the hall, then retrieved and carried it into her +bedroom to see how it looked by morning light. As she undressed, she saw +with surprise that there was an unaccustomed flush on either cheek and +that her lips were tightly compressed. Jack had hurt her even more than +she appreciated; and he was now going to be taught his lesson. The +"haggard Venus".... The sight of her thin face and deep-set, glowing +eyes made her feel a tragic actress in spite of herself. She was +word-perfect in the scene, for she had rehearsed it every time that his +bluff, sweeping condemnation had touched her vanity. No doubt he would +still try to be bluff and off-hand, but she was resolved to make him +plead humbly and to take back every reproach, one by one. + +Barbara sat down before an open window in her bedroom; outside, the +silent night was like a hushed and darkened auditorium for her speech. + +"But we've nothing in common! You know you hate the life I had. I'm +afraid I can't alter it, Jack. You'd take away all my friends, but they +interest me; I've got music and books and pictures in common with them. +Even if you got over your dislike, you'd hate to sit in a corner while +we talked about the things that do mean everything to me. And I'm afraid +I should always be shocking you. I've _told_ you that I _must_ have +every new experience; I'd sooner be dead than live a sort of half-life, +_afraid_ to do this, _afraid_ to do that--just because no one had done +it before. I've got too much vitality.... Jack, you've seen eagles in +captivity? Well! That's what would happen to me if I couldn't spread my +wings and soar, soar, soar.... If I married any one who didn't soar with +me. You wouldn't like to hear people say, 'She's grown so old and +lifeless since she married.' + +"I can't make out how you ever came to fall in love with me, thinking +of me as you do. There are hundreds of girls just as pretty--much +prettier, in fact. Sally Farwell. Sonia Dainton. I'm vain and I'm not +going to pretend that I don't think myself much higher than _them_, but +it's the things which put me higher that you'll never appreciate--never, +never, never! You think they're wrong or cheap or vulgar.... Jack, +you're in love at present, you're not seeing clearly; but you know in +the bottom of your heart that you'll never change me. Well! Do you want +to spend the rest of your life with a woman you despise, do you want to +despise the mother of your children?... Yes, you actually used the +word--it hurt me so much that I'm not likely to forget it--but, if you +like, I'll try to forget it, I'll _say_ I forget it.... Of course, I +_forgive_! My dear, this is much too important for us both to have any +silly little personal feeling.... And, whenever you say I'm 'big,' I +hope it means that I've got a big soul, that I'm generous.... Dear, I'm +not asking you to apologize, but you admit you said that I was vulgar? +And now you say it's untrue? Well, _I_ haven't changed? It's love.... +But love doesn't last for ever. To be happily married, you want common +sympathies, common tastes--something that will last for ever, when +love's burnt out. + +"I suppose I ought to be--flattered that you think well enough of me to +want to marry me.... Sometimes you were a little hard on me.... But +flattery ... one's own _amour propre_ is so small.... I can't marry you, +Jack. No! Nothing you could ever say or do.... How you ever fell in love +with me, thinking as you do.... Or _did_, rather. You don't think quite +so badly of me now. But our happiness--for all our lives--No, please, +Jack; don't say anything! You must never speak of this again, of course; +I think it would be better for us not to meet. It's bound to be +difficult, you know ... difficult and painful. I don't mean that you're +to cut me in the street, but if we allowed ourselves to drift +_gradually_ apart.... And now don't think I'm heartless, if I tell you +that you'll get over this. Time heals all things, Jack. You're hurt now; +it's as if I'd hit your head and the blood were running into your eyes. +But in time.... We'll say good-bye now. You may kiss me, if you like, +Jack, but--I think you'd better not. The best thing you can do is to +forget all about me." + +As she sat in a carved chair, whispering the words to herself, the drama +of the scene swept Barbara off her balance and left her breathless. The +flush had died out of her cheeks, and all emotion was concentrated in +the trembling whisper of her voice and in her eyes, tragic, tortured and +black, staring through the window into the silent auditorium of the +night. + +And Jack, who called her theatrical, never admitted that she could +act.... + +The wind set her shivering, and she pulled the curtains together. The +rehearsal had excited her, and, when she got into bed, there were +gestures, which she felt she could improve, and phrases, which stood in +need of polish. Jack would not appreciate the subtilty of the scene; he +would go away--perhaps not quite so well satisfied with himself, but +vaguely grateful for her gentleness in blunting the edge of +disappointment. He would feel sure that she had been very wise, very +maternal; and, if any one questioned him out of curiosity or a desire to +be sympathetic, her bitterest critic would become her staunchest +champion. "It was rather a wipe in the eye for me," she could imagine +his saying, "because I was very hard hit; I am still. After all, there's +no one to compare with her.... But I thought she behaved awfully well; +and it couldn't have been easy for her; I'm not really sure that she +didn't feel it more than I did--I mean, she saw I wasn't enjoying +myself much and she did everything she could.... I was conscious at the +time that I'd never loved her so much, I'd never appreciated what I was +losing until I lost her. Of course, I always knew that she was +_big_...." + +Many men had proposed to her, but none had done justice to his +opportunity. She wondered how Jack would begin.... Men never troubled +about a setting--or a time; they procrastinated and procrastinated until +the car was at the door or the train was starting. If she were in his +place, there would be splendour of setting and superb eloquence of +rolling, romantic phrases. There was colour in the world when Cyrano de +Bergerac swung down the street, quarrelling and making love, or when he +stood dying and already preparing his bow to the Court of Heaven. But +nowadays all emotion was starved; men were ashamed even of emotion's +gestures, the bloom and the beauty of language. Barbara picked up a +volume of Shakespeare and read where the book opened of its own accord. +"Put off your maiden blushes; avouch the thoughts of your heart with the +looks of an empress; take me by the hand, and say 'Harry of England, I +am thine': which word thou shalt no sooner bless mine ear withal, but I +will tell thee aloud 'England is thine, Ireland is thine, France is +thine, and Henry Plantagenet is thine; who, though I speak it before his +face, if he be no fellow with the best king, thou shalt find the best +king of good fellows.' Come, your answer in broken music.... You have +witchcraft in your lips, Kate: there is more eloquence in a sugar touch +of them than in the tongues of the French council." + +Barbara sat up in bed, clasping her hands round her knees and thinking +of days when colour still shone in the world and when she made a part of +it. India still lived gorgeously. She could still conjure up her +triumphant arrival at Bombay, the roll of the saluting guns, the guard +of honour, the lined streets and majestic progress of the new +viceroy.... + +On the evening of the ball she was careful to dress in such fashion that +she should not seem to have taken any extra care, but her maid looked at +her with undisguised admiration, and at dinner Lady Crawleigh woke to +articulate enthusiasm. Barbara smiled to herself, as she put on her +cloak and fastened a spray of orchids in her dress. Every one seemed +eager and excited: her mother had more than once brought Jack's name +into conversation without venturing farther: and, of course, all the +world loved a lover. From Phyllis Knightrider she knew that her aunts +looked with hope and relief on the determined, steady young man who had +at last been found to keep her in order. She wondered what they would +say when he disappeared without explanation.... She wondered how Jack +would begin and whether he would come first to Lady Marling's to make +sure of not missing her. Catching sight of herself in a mirror, she +smiled again, though she was beginning to feel a little nervous. She +wondered how Jack had been spending the first part of the evening.... + +At half-past eleven he arrived to find her surrounded by four men of +whom each claimed that she had promised him the next dance. + +"I came to see if you were thinking of starting for Ross House," Jack +explained. "Have you got your car here?" + +"Mother's taken it on," she answered. "But Sir Deryk--you know Sir Deryk +Lancing, don't you? Mr. Waring--Sir Deryk's offered me his. We'll give +you a lift." + +Jack hid his disappointment under an adequate bow and accompanied her +downstairs. Young Lancing's presence disquieted him. Though numberless +men made rival calls on her, there had so far been no serious cause for +jealousy; but Lancing had so much in his favour that Jack felt an insane +desire to establish something discreditable against him. He was young, +healthy, good-looking and highly gifted; Barbara had more than once +quoted him as an authority on music; he was something of an +archæologist; and his black-figure pottery at Aston Ripley was no less +famous than his collection of eighteenth-century miniatures. He was +worth between twenty and twenty-five million pounds, he was a baronet; +and he was unmarried. Their tastes harmonized; every one would say that +it was a most suitable alliance. And some would whisper that she had +come very near to throwing herself away on Jack Waring. People ought not +to be allowed to be so rich.... + +He strode bare-headed on to the pavement, feeling helpless and trying to +persuade himself that he was only nervous. As they drove to Ross House, +he watched and listened to Lancing and Barbara, envying them their ease +and wondering whether it was fair for two people to exclude the third +from conversation by choosing an impossible subject. Rimski-Korsakoff +... Ivan le Terrible ... Chaliapin.... While Barbara got rid of her +cloak, he consciously tried to make friends with Lancing; they had +apparently been at Eton together and had overlapped at Oxford. There was +no harm in the fellow; though he was unutterably bored and made no +attempt to hide it, he could not be dismissed as a conceited ass.... +Barbara took an unconscionable time to shed one cloak.... And, when she +returned to the hall, a newly arriving horde was already engulfing her. + +"The first one's mine, isn't it?" Jack called out anxiously. "You +promised it me in the car." + +The anxiety was almost hysterical, and other people must be noticing it. + +"Yes. And then Sir Deryk," answered Barbara. "Then Jack Summertown. Then +Gerry. George?" She gave Oakleigh a quick smile over an undulating sea +of heads and held up four fingers. "No, _missing_ four! Jim? Missing +five! What an _appalling_ crowd! I don't see any prospect of supper." + +"May I have that with you--after Jim Loring?" asked Jack. Then he +lowered his voice. "I don't see much prospect of that talk with you." + +The voice was peevish, and other people must be noticing that, too. + +"My dear, you'll have enough of me this week-end. Take me upstairs +before I'm trampled to death." + +As they pressed forward to the door of the ball-room, Jack gripped the +banisters to make sure that he was awake. At one moment he was staring +at the broad shoulders of the man in front of him, the next down his +collar; fluttering hands tidied away vagrant wisps of hair and buttoned +gloves. Waves of scent met and blended with the dominant sweetness of +the carnations which wound in clustering chains about the banisters. +Above and before them boomed a far-away voice, announcing names; and +between the shrill clatter of surprised recognitions came the +strangulated music of a frantic band. + +"You'll certainly be trampled to death, if you try to get inside," said +Jack. "Let's sit it out somewhere." + +She nodded, but, when he had shaken hands with the Duchess of Ross and +was trying to cleave a passage, Barbara was deep in conversation with a +pale, underhung youth; and he felt a second twinge of jealousy. She +talked until the music stopped, while Jack fingered his tie and strove +vainly to keep out of other people's way. + +"You know him, don't you?" Barbara asked, when at last the rapt +conversation came to an end. "My cousin, Johnnie Carstairs. He's been +out in Rome for the last three years, but now he's being transferred to +the Foreign Office." + +Jack nodded without speaking and continued to look for standing-room. +After his letter it was almost inconceivable that she should not know +what he wanted to tell her; yet she light-heartedly abandoned him for a +cousin whom she could see at any time, talking as though the fellow were +on his way to the scaffold; and their promised moment together was +relegated to the end of the evening; and in this hurly-burly it was +almost too much to expect that they could find an inch of space or a +minute of uninterrupted conversation. + +"I can see _one_ chair at the far end, if we can get through to it," he +said. + +"The music's starting," she answered doubtfully. "We'd better get back, +I think." + +"No, they're playing the same thing. It's only an _encore_." + +"Oh, then do let me have it with Johnnie! I haven't seen him for such +ages. You don't mind?" + +She had spied a thinning in the crowd and was half-way to the ball-room +door before he had an answer ready. Noting the number of the dance, Jack +went downstairs and tried to be philosophical over a cigar; but his +nerves were unsteady, and, though there was an endless hour and a half +to wait, he had to hurry back every few minutes to make sure that he was +not missing the promise of supper with Barbara. It was irritating to be +so restless--and doubly irritating to feel that others were noticing it. +Jim Loring came into the smoking-room and settled himself for a +comfortable talk, only to find that his companion had run away +unceremoniously in mid-sentence. These people had no sense of the +important; life to them was powder and patches and dance music--less +than that, for they stayed up half the night to smoke furtive cigars and +ostentatiously shut their ears to the dance music. And Barbara was +flitting from one man to another, when their two lives were in the +balance. + +In one of his wanderings to and from the ball-room Jack found Deryk +Lancing, ticket in hand, by the cloak-room. + +"You off?" he asked with secret relief. + +"Yes, this sort of thing bores me stiff. Can I drop you anywhere?" + +"Well, I'm booked for supper with Lady Barbara." + +"Oh, you might remind her that she cut me." + +He moved away, whistling drearily to himself and leaving Jack grateful +for his absence. There was no rivalry to fear from Lancing. Gerald +Deganway came up, swinging his eye-glass distractedly and calling for +his hat. + +"My dear, this sort of thing's killing me, positively killing me!" he +simpered. "This is my third ball to-night, and I've got to go to two +more. The Marlings, the Tavitons, this place, the Fenwicks--Oh, no! I've +been to the Fenwicks; I'm almost sure I started there. I shall be such a +wreck to-morrow, a mere bundle of nerves! But Helen Crossleigh will +never forgive me, if I disappoint her. _You_ don't look as if you were +enjoying yourself much. I believe some one who shall be nameless has +_cut_ you! I _believe_ that's it." + +He laughed shrilly and dug Jack roguishly in the ribs with the gold knob +of his cane; then set a resplendent hat at a jaunty angle and fluttered +through the hall, murmuring, "Taxi! Oh, some one must get me a taxi! I +shall break down and cry, if I don't get a taxi." + +Jack watched him smilingly but with cold rage in his heart. If he had to +wait hour after hour, fretting with nervousness and fuming with +impatience, he might at least have been spared the inane facetiousness +of Deganway. + +"A little more of this, and something will happen to my brain," he +growled to Val Arden. + +"It is the chatter of the Bandar-Log, aimless, restless, incomplete," +was the answer. + + + "'Here we sit in a branchy row, + Thinking of beautiful things we know; + Dreaming of deeds that we mean to do, + All complete, in a minute or two-- + Something noble and grand and good, + Won by merely wishing we could. + Now we're going to--never mind, + Brother, thy tail hangs down behind!'" + + +Jack nodded and tried to smile; but it was no matter for jest when he +remembered that he had himself chosen this time and place for asking +Barbara to marry him. + +"One is reminded of our good Lewis Carroll's White Rabbit," Arden +observed, as he watched Deganway's flurried exit. "You play piquet? No? +One would have challenged you to a game. As against bridge, the absence +of vulgar abuse is noteworthy and welcome.... One likes to see the young +people enjoying themselves, but these entertainments are only moderately +amusing. One looked to Lady Lilith in old days to create a diversion, +but your dire friendship has sobered her. Of course, one has one's +bed...." + +He sighed and tossed down the ticket for his hat. So many people were +leaving that Jack looked apprehensively at his watch and hurried +upstairs. Only one dance separated him from supper with Barbara; but, +when the music began, she had forgotten her promise, and he had to stand +for a quarter of an hour while she waltzed with Charles Framlingham. As +he went forward to claim her at the end, Summertown advanced from +another corner and forestalled him. There was nothing new in such +behaviour, and Jack realized that he would only look ridiculous, if he +shewed impatience or jealousy; but he felt that he was losing his temper +and that she saw it. The heat of the house tired him, and he was hungry. + +"Wait _one_ more, Jack, and then you may take me home," she called out, +as she swept past him. + +"Aren't you going to have any supper?" + +"Oh, I'd quite forgotten about that." + +She passed out of earshot, breathlessly and with shining eyes. If she +remembered that he wanted to talk with her alone, if she guessed what he +was going to say, he could not understand her behaviour; it was very +feminine, but it was also rude and extraordinarily inconsiderate, +exasperating him without in any way intensifying his love; if she +thought that he wanted simply to compete with Deganway in vapidness or +Arden in affectation, well, she was a fool; he had given her the +broadest hints. He caught sight of himself in a strip of looking-glass +and found that he was frowning; without that signal he knew that he had +lost his temper. + +"I forget everything, when I'm dancing," was Barbara's nearest approach +to an apology on her return. "I promised to have supper with this child, +too; let's all go down together." + +She went on ahead of them before he could say anything; and, as +Summertown shewed no sign of yielding to a prior claimant, Jack pulled +off his gloves with careful deliberation and followed her into the +dining-room. Though he tried to overcome his ill-humour, their minds +were not in tune with his. Barbara prattled unceasingly, Summertown kept +up a monologue of his own, and, when they tried to infect him with their +own lightness of heart, he could only nod or shake his head or smile in +dumb fury that she could play with him in the presence of a spectator. +Women, he decided, must be innately cruel, for, though she was clearly +trying to anger him, it was not mere mischievousness. + +"I must have one more dance with this child," she cried at the end of +supper, with a glance of invitation at Summertown. + +"Then I don't think I shall wait," said Jack. + +The tempo of her dialogue was retarded for half a beat but her +expression was unchanged. + +"Oh, but didn't you say you'd got a message for me or something?" + +"I can give it you at the Abbey to-morrow." + +She looked at him with amused surprise. + +"Jack, you're not grumpy with me because I cut your dance--or, at least, +you say so? You may have another, and this child can come later. Let's +go somewhere where it's cooler and where I can have a cigarette." + +It was a trifling encounter, but, inasmuch as she saw that he had lost +his temper, Jack felt worsted. He swore that he would keep control of +himself, however much she exasperated him. He was less tired and more +certain of himself than before supper, and for some reason his +nervousness had transferred itself to her. The change was apparent from +the moment that they were quit of Summertown. She became tense in manner +and a little frightened, no longer laughing; and he ceased to fancy that +his hints could have been wasted on her. + +"Where are we likely to be undisturbed?" he asked, as they hurried +purposefully up the stairs. "You know this house better than I do." + +"Oh--anywhere," she answered rather breathlessly. + + + + +CHAPTER NINE + +THE JUDGEMENT OF SOLOMON + + "The King hailed his keeper, an Arab + As glossy and black as a scarab, + And bade him make sport and at once stir + Up and out of his den the old monster.... + + One's whole blood grew curdling and creepy + To see the black mane, vast and heapy, + The tail in the air stiff and straining, + The wide eyes, nor waxing nor waning.... + + 'How he stands!,' quoth the King.... + 'We exercise wholesome discretion + 'In keeping aloof from his threshold.... + 'But who's he would prove so fool-hardy? + 'Not the best man of Marignan, pardie!' + + The sentence no sooner was uttered + Than over the rails a glove fluttered, + Fell close to the lion, and rested: + The dame 'twas, who flung it and jested + With life so, De Lorge had been wooing + For months past; he sat there pursuing + His suit, weighing out with nonchalance + Fine speeches like gold from a balance. + + Sound the trumpet, no true knight's a tarrier! + De Lorge made one leap at the barrier, + Walked straight to the glove,--while the lion + Ne'er moved, kept his far-reaching eye on + The palm-tree-edged desert-spring's sapphire, + And the musky oiled skin of the Kaffir,-- + Picked it up, and...." + + ROBERT BROWNING: "THE GLOVE." + + +Though he seemed to be leading the way, Barbara urged Jack by suggestion +up a side-staircase and through a billiard-room to a broad _loggia_ +overlooking Greenhill Gardens. There were two chairs and a table with +cigarettes and champagne cup; the night air blew chillingly with a scent +of spring leaves, and the music reached them as a reverberation +mingling with the distant traffic of Piccadilly. + +"I say, you won't catch cold, will you?" Jack asked. + +Barbara smiled to herself. He would never have thought of the wind or of +her, if his match had not been blown out. + +"Oh, we shan't be here long enough for that." + +Jack lighted the cigarettes and settled himself elaborately in his +chair, with one leg thrown over the other. + +"I wanted to talk to you. I think you know what it's about." + +She had intended to be thrown off her balance with surprise, but the +bluntness of his opening did not invite ingenuousness. + +"I hope I'm not in disgrace," she answered meekly. "You--rather frighten +me, when you're so mysterious. You're not going to say anything +unpleasant?" + +"I hope you won't find it unpleasant. Look here, the best thing will be +for me to say what I've got to say, ... and then you.... I mean, if you +interrupt, you'll throw me out of my stride. Barbara, I've told you what +I'm earning; and one naturally hopes that it will increase almost +automatically year by year. As you know, I'm _not_ a Catholic----" + +"Jack----" + +He flapped one hand at her with nervous impatience, drew furiously at +his cigarette and looked away over the garden and house-tops to the +shadowy Park. + +"You mustn't put me off my stroke, Barbara.... These are the two big +obstacles that all the world will see. Well, I can assure you that I +shouldn't be talking to you like this, if you hadn't--in a way--given me +the right to.... At first I couldn't stand you at any price whatsoever. +Then there was a night when I said to myself that I should have to be +careful. It was when you rang me up and invited me to dine with you +alone--after that business in Webster's rooms. At first I was perfectly +furious; you seemed to be taking that luckless girl's death so calmly +and thinking only of the hole _you_ were in. And then--I don't know; +something changed. I began to feel sorry for you, I felt extraordinarily +fond of you; I told myself that I should have to watch out. +Then--something you said--it was when you invited me to one of your own +special parties at the Abbey; I got the feeling that you liked me, +rather. Was I right?" + +The question came so suddenly in the middle of his halting narrative +that Barbara started. So far the scene was not developing at all as she +had expected. She could interrupt, confuse, stop him; but there was no +way of bringing in the open-eyed amazement which she had planned; he +seemed to be putting the responsibility on her. And, when he brusquely +told her not to interrupt, she felt strangely disposed to obey him. + +"Was I right?" he repeated, turning to look at her. + +The customary self-satisfied smile had disappeared, and he was frowning. +Barbara chose to fancy that he must take on the same expression with a +fighting case in court. + +"Yes, I quite liked you," she answered. "I always liked you, when you're +not trying to shew me that everything I say and do----" + +He cut her short with a quick uplift of one finger. + +"Good! Well, when you shewed me that, I took stock and began to look at +things from another point of view. I suggested to you--as fairly and +fully as I could--the chief obstacles; money ... and so forth. If +you--or your people, through you--had thought that insuperable, then +there was nothing more to be said. I felt I must give you the +opportunity of entering a _caveat_. I need hardly say that, knowing you +as I did.... I mean, if you wanted to marry a man, you wouldn't mind if +he were a beggar. Would you?" + +The new question again startled her by its abruptness. She had a +misgiving that he was pressing her into a corner. + +"Would you?" he repeated; and she half expected to hear him browbeating +her. "It's a simple question.... Yes or no.... I want you to tell the +jury.... Remember you are on your oath. Come now ... yes or no...." + +"Of course not. But, Jack----" + +He stopped her with another jerk, as she had foreseen. + +"I knew that. The next thing was--I suppose 'suitability' is the best +word. I mean we lead different lives, our outlook's different in some +ways. I had to consider what chance of success we should have together. +Well, you sometimes say that I find fault with everything you do; I +think you see now that I've never said a word that your father hasn't +said to you a hundred times. It's what everybody was saying, and I think +everybody's glad to see that you've come round to their point of view. +We all felt that you were too _big_, you know...." + +He hesitated and looked away, frowning again as he tried to remember the +sequence of his argument. Barbara shivered instinctively at his +hackneyed, hated phrase, but she was struck silent by the sheer audacity +of his patronizing assumptions. + +"Jack----" she began, but he again held up his hand. + +"I don't know whether I ought to have gone to your father," he resumed. +"It seemed rather getting hold of the wrong end of the stick to talk to +a woman's father before you've talked to the woman herself. Of course, +one naturally goes to him for his _assent_. I happen to know that your +people, like you, saw what was in the wind, and, as they were good +enough _not_ to pitch me into the street...." + +"Jack! Please!" + +Barbara leaned to him with her hands appealingly outstretched. In a +little while he would rob her of her last cue. By no abuse of language +could such pleading be associated with passion, but he was quoting her +against herself until it seemed as if she had almost begged him to +marry her. + +"I've nearly done," he said, smiling for the first time; then he paused +to collect himself for a concise summary, and she could have laughed +hysterically at the spectacle of a plodding young barrister trying to +argue her into marriage. His voice had never changed in timbre; and, if +he had occasionally hesitated over a word, he had never lost the train +of thought. His chair was as discreetly remote as when he first sat +down, one leg thrown comfortably over the other; and he had not thought +fit to use one whisper of endearment. + +"I don't want to hear any more!" + +"You must." + +"But, Jack, you're not in love with me!" + +He laughed good-naturedly, as though he were humouring a child. + +"I expect I'm the best judge of that. Well, you admit that I'm not +wholly repellent to you; the difference in religion can be accommodated; +I'm not altogether penniless. I want you to marry me, Babs." + +"I can't." + +She flung out the words as soon as he gave her a chance of speaking. +With his dogged, relentless attack, it was surprising that he left her +an opportunity of answering; she would hardly have been astonished if he +had taken her firmly by the arm and led her home to announce their +engagement. + +"That means you _don't_ care for me?" + +There was no sign of perturbation; but he was watching her closely. One +careless word would enable him to demonstrate that she had coquetted +with him for her vanity's sake; his memory was relentless, and she could +not pretend to convince herself that she had behaved merely as if she +"quite liked" him, when a hundred people were gossiping about them.... +And he had a passion for demonstrating things; he seemed to be +addressing an invisible jury beyond the pillars of the _loggia_. + +"My dear Jack, how could you ever _dream_ of marrying me--thinking of +me, as you do?" she demanded with a breathless attempt to start her +speech and to overwhelm his massive arguments with rhetoric and drama. + +"Let's stick to facts. I do dream of it. I want to." + +"But you disapprove of everything I do, you think I'm vulgar, cheap. Oh, +you've said it, Jack; you've used those words. They hurt much too much +for me to forget them easily." + +"I'm sorry to have hurt you," he interrupted. "But I think you _have_ +come round to my way of thinking." + +"I'll forget them--I'll try to," she went on, gabbling her speech +murderously. "This is much too important for us to think about our own +wretched little _amour propre_; and, when you say I'm "big," I always +hope it means that I'm generous, forgiving. But, Jack, you despise +me--or you _did_--the woman that you want to be the mother of your +children----" + +"You _have_ changed. Otherwise I shouldn't want to marry you." + +Barbara walked to the edge of the _loggia_ and stood with her hands on +the stone parapet, looking down on to the shadowy foliage of the +gardens. She could no longer force into service the speech that she had +rehearsed and at any moment she might expect to hear him say--in his +horrible jury voice--"Then am I to understand that you never meant +anything seriously, that this was all an elaborate trick? Was that your +means of vindicating yourself? And do you feel that it has been +successful?" He shewed a disconcerting mastery and a no less +disconcerting restraint; she was not allowed to interrupt, and, when he +had posed a question, he held her to it, waiting silently for an answer +and blocking the loop-holes of irrelevancy. + +"Why do you say you can't marry me?" + +She turned to find that he was still by the table; he had risen as she +rose, but without following her, without disturbing his deadly, +businesslike composure. + +"We should be miserable." + +"D'you mean I'm wrong? _Don't_ you care for me?" + +"'CARE'? I'm thinking about _love_! You don't know what love _is_! All +the time you've been talking.... So cold and collected.... If you were +in love with me, you'd want to take me in your arms, you'd be +transfigured, there'd be radiance, glory in your eyes, you'd hold me as +if you never meant to let me go!... You--you talked like a leading +article; you never even said you loved me." + +"I thought we might take that as read." + +"But look at you now! If you loved me, you wouldn't want to keep away; +you wouldn't be able to." + +"I've got a certain amount of self-control." + +"To resist something that's not a temptation?" + +She came slowly back to him and stood gazing up into his face. As on the +night when she had darted from him at the Croxton Ball, her cheeks were +white and hollow, her eyes were nearly black; it was the morbid, +feverish beauty of a consumptive kept alive by force of will. The spray +of orchids rose and fell with her breathing, and he could have caught +and encircled her slender, boyish figure with one arm. + +"You're looking _divine_ to-night," he murmured. + +"Is _that_ all you've got to say?" + +"No! I'm responsible for you at this moment. And, if I were you, I +should think twice before you blaspheme against the Holy Ghost again. +You don't doubt that I love you." + +Barbara pressed her hands against her cheeks, throwing her head back and +closing her eyes. + +"I wish I could," she whispered. "I was trying to, trying to make you +doubt it so that you wouldn't mind so much. If I could have made you +think that we were just friends.... Jack, you _must_--before it's too +late. You've made a mistake, you're exaggerating everything! Just +because you've hardly met a girl before, you think you're in love with +me. Because I'm pretty, because I amuse you ... I'll be ever so humble! +I'm nothing--nothing but a great friend. If you go away, you'll see it +like that; when you come back, we shall still be friends, but you'll +wonder how you ever imagined you were in love with me. You're not, Jack! +You must tell yourself you're not." + +"I don't understand, Barbara." + +"I'm trying to help you. I can never marry you; and I want you to see +that you're not losing anything. You don't _really_ want me. Oh, you +_don't_, Jack!" + +"Why do you say you can never marry me? _Don't_ you love me?" + +Barbara had expected the question for so long that it had lost half its +force before reaching her. Her mind moved quickly, as it had done all +the evening, and she could anticipate Jack's slow change of expression, +his dawning realization and then her punishment. There was no +give-and-take, when he lectured or attacked; no neatness of phrase, no +delicacy of sarcasm or irony, no intellectual joy of battle. He dealt +the bludgeon blows of one who seemed to boast that he was not clever but +tried to be honest. She felt suddenly frightened for her pride and for +herself; and she knew that he would beat her as conscientiously as he +had tried to win her. + +"Love isn't everything," she answered. + +"I'm waiting to be told what the obstacle is." + +In another moment he would have summarized for the third time all +possible objections to the marriage and his own complacent disposal of +them. She could not bear that again. + +"Jack, you're not a Catholic," she cried. + +"I know. I told you that from the first. But we can arrange that; I'll +do whatever is necessary. It's a nuisance, because I expect your people +loathe the idea of your marrying a heretic as much as mine loathe the +idea of my marrying a Catholic. Fortunately, we can ignore them." + +"I could never marry a man who wasn't a Catholic." + +She clutched wildly at the promise of escape, and Jack betrayed emotion +for the first time in a gape of astonishment. + +"But your own church--if you still call yourself a Catholic--doesn't go +as far as that." + +"I don't care. It _should_. It's lying to your soul, if you believe one +thing and let children believe something else that you _know_ to be +false. There's no sympathy of spirit when each thinks the other wrong +and sneers privately.... I _can't_ talk about this, but you _see_ now +why I tried to stop you.... Jack, do take me home! I feel as if I +couldn't stand any more!" + +She turned convulsively and hurried back to the parapet of the _loggia_. +Jack picked up a cigarette, which he regarded absently, frowning again. + +"You could never marry a man who wasn't a Catholic?" he repeated. + +"No. Jack, don't let's talk about this any more! If I'm to blame for +making you unhappy.... Oh, try to forgive me! If you let me think I'd +spoiled your life---- Please take me home." + +He roused himself from contemplation of the gilt name and address on the +cigarette and walked with her into the house. + +"Is your car coming back for you?" he asked with a detachment that she +admired. + +"Yes. You can take it on, if you like. Or perhaps you'd rather _not_ +come with me.... I suppose you won't be coming to the Abbey to-morrow?" + +"I intended to." + +"Jack, it can't do any good!" + +"Do you withdraw the invitation?" + +"I'd rather you didn't come. Later on we may be able to meet.... You +won't believe me now, but time is a wonderful healer----" + +He interrupted her with a laugh of grating boisterousness. + +"Is there anything to heal?" + +It was after four o'clock when Barbara returned home alone from Ross +House; but, though she went quietly to bed, Lady Crawleigh interrupted +her undressing. The Duchess of Ross was the latest busybody to wonder +audibly whether young Waring was serious, and it was high time for the +girl to know that people were talking about her. + +"There was such a mob that, when Jack and I had got away from it, we +didn't go back," sighed Barbara wearily, to explain her lateness. "I +wish Eleanor Ross didn't know quite so many people. Oh, mother, Jack +can't come to the Abbey this week-end. He's writing to you, but he asked +me to give you that message." + +Lady Crawleigh picked up a pendant, head-band and bracelet of fire-opals +from their scattered hiding-places on the floor, trying not to seem +either too much surprised or too indifferent. Then she knelt, with a +cracking of knee-joints, to search for the missing half of a pair of +ear-rings. Barbara, she reflected, had evidently done one thing--or +perhaps the other--or even neither; mercifully she could not do both. + +"He's really no business to chop and change like that at the last +moment," she complained. "What's happened?" + +"He's kept in London," Barbara answered. "Don't bother to look for those +things, mother; Merton will be so disappointed, if there's nothing for +her to tidy. She always waits till I'm fast asleep, _really_ tired, and +then throws tepid tea at me with one hand and knocks over all the +furniture with the other.... I can hardly keep my eyes open. You'll let +me go to sleep, won't you?" + +Lady Crawleigh scrambled to her feet and came to the side of the bed, an +undignified, shrunken figure in a blue _peignoir_ and satin slippers, +with grey-black hair secured in thick short plaits. + +"My child, is anything the matter?" + +Barbara was lying with one bare arm over her eyes, as though the light +hurt her. She had not waited to brush her hair, and the room was +littered with furiously scattered clothes. + +"I'm only tired," she said. "I've never known anything so hot as that +place." + +"Well, go to sleep." Lady Crawleigh shewed no sign of leaving the +bedside. "On the whole perhaps it's just as well that he _isn't_ coming +to the Abbey. Some one was saying to-night----" + +"Mother, I'm not going to marry Jack!" + +Lady Crawleigh's eyes opened with innocent surprise. + +"My darling, who ever said anything about it?" + +Barbara laughed hardly. + +"You were going to, weren't you? I thought I'd save time. Jack.... I've +had a--remarkable evening, but I don't think I want to talk about it." + +Lady Crawleigh changed the lights, but she continued to hover between +the bed and the door, picking up a glove here and a stocking there, +glancing stealthily at Barbara and flogging her imagination to guess +what had taken place. The girl was a little exacting with men, and there +might have been a quarrel; but it was rather drastic for Jack to default +from the Abbey at the last moment. He had possibly received an +unexpected rebuff; but then the rebuff was unexpected by every one, for +Barbara had shewn him all the encouragement that a woman could give. +Possibly she had encouraged him too much and received a rebuff +herself.... + +"Darling----" + +"I'm _so_ tired, mother." + +She seemed without resistance or power to assert herself, as though she +had been bullied and beaten. Lady Crawleigh felt a need to protect her, +as she had not felt it for ten years; Barbara was usually stoical with +bodily pains, and a wound to her pride or an ache at her heart was +shared with no one. + +"Yes, darling, I won't keep you awake, but has there been any +unpleasantness? I mean, I have to think about the future--about inviting +him here." + +"Oh, there's no reason why you shouldn't invite him. He can please +himself whether he comes or not." + +Lady Crawleigh hesitated a moment longer, then tip-toed to the door and +turned off the lights. Nothing was to be learned from Barbara at +present. + +No elucidation came from the letter of apology which she received from +Jack next day. He was unexpectedly detained in London, but hoped that he +might be forgiven and invited again some time later in the summer. It +was a question of private business, which would keep him very fully +occupied for some weeks. He would have given longer warning, if +possible, but the business had only come to him in the middle of the +night, as it were.... Lady Crawleigh tore up the letter impatiently, +then pieced it together and read it with perplexed attention. If there +had been no quarrel, no rebuff, no unpleasantness, he would not +underline this private business and hint that he did not want to be +invited to the house for the present; if there had been a quarrel, it +was incomprehensible that he should ask to be given another chance later +in the summer. + +But for the phrase, "I've had a remarkable evening, but I don't think I +want to talk about it," Barbara might simply be tired. Certainly, she +was in excellent spirits next day, and the whole party at the Abbey +revolved round her and shone with her radiance. On their return to +London she threw herself as insatiably as ever into all that was going +on. The only difference now was that she never danced with Jack, because +he had disappeared; and she never mentioned his name. Others also +remarked his disappearance, and, though the excuse of private business +was bravely presented, they at least were not satisfied. Lady Crawleigh +suggested inviting him to a musical party, from which it might have been +noticeable to exclude him; Barbara raised no objection, but Jack replied +from his chambers that he was unfortunately compelled to refuse all +invitations at present. + +It was mysterious and annoying, for an absurd amount of gossip was +swirling and eddying among the weary, chilled women who sat night after +night round ball-room walls. Deganway professed to have seen an +impertinent paragraph in the column of _The Sphinx_ headed "Riddles for +Our Readers"; and, for every one who enquired what had happened to Jack, +Lady Crawleigh knew that a dozen must be asking themselves why Barbara +had made so public an exhibition of herself, if she did not mean to let +anything come of it. And there was an added mystery and vexation when +Jim Loring said: "I've the best reason for knowing there's nothing to +worry about," in a tone which shewed that he was himself deeply worried. + +He met his aunt on the morrow of a confession which lasted from ten +o'clock until two next morning. Jack had invited himself to dinner at +Loring House, stipulated that no one else should be present and pledged +his host to secrecy. + +"I can't quite trust my own judgement," he drawled, when they were +alone after dinner. "A new factor, you know.... I haven't quite adjusted +myself to it.... I don't suppose it's any news to you that I want to +marry your cousin Barbara? Well, I've every reason to think she would +marry me to-morrow but for the unfortunate circumstance that she's a +Catholic and I'm not." + +Loring involuntarily winced and looked away, recalling his own shipwreck +on a similar rock, the months of dull agony and the empty years of +wandering, which had but lately come to an end. It was the first time +that they had met alone, and Jim was more than three years older; new +lines were visible at the corners of his eyes, his face and body were +heavier and more inelastic. A note of bitterness broke over-often +through the habitual irony of his voice, as though his spirit were still +raw under its dressing of tolerant boredom. + +"If any one knows anything on that subject," he murmured, "you've come +to the right man. Have you--actually put it to her?" + +"Oh, yes. We're hung up on that. Barbara says that she could never marry +a man who wasn't a Catholic." + +"But that's absurd! The Church itself----" + +"So I told her, but she goes one better than her Church. Jim, I feel +that there's the makings of a first-class tragedy, if we're not very +careful ... and very clever. I want to marry her more than anything in +the world. There's nothing--I think there's literally nothing I wouldn't +do to bring it off. She--well, we went into it pretty thoroughly the +other night. I could see she was torn in two.... I--didn't press it. I +knew that, if she felt as strongly as that--in her bones--, I shouldn't +sweep her off her feet, however much she seemed to be convinced at the +moment. It didn't look like being permanent. I had to find some other +way out." + +He paused and relit his cigar. The door was ajar, and Loring got up to +close it; then, instead of going back to his chair, he took a turn up +and down the library, with his chin on his chest and his hands thrust +deep into his pockets. Three years ago he had come back to that room +from his last farewell with Sonia Dainton; he has distractedly summoned +George Oakleigh to advise him and had paced up and down, up and down, +flinging half-smoked cigarettes into the fire-place. And Oakleigh, whom +he had invoked for help, would only tell him brutally that love was over +and that he must set his teeth and face it.... Now again no other advice +was possible. + +"I'm dam' sorry, Jack," he muttered. + +His voice quavered in sympathy, because their tragedies had so much in +common. He had never lost his heart to any one but Sonia, as Jack had +lost his only to Babs Neave; they had been immune for the first thirty +years of their life, and they were paying for their self-denial and +their affronting indifference to woman. Jack probably enjoyed exposing +his soul as little as he had done with George. + +"It's rather a mess, isn't it?" said Jack. + +"What are you going to do? Look here, we're old enough friends for me to +talk freely to you. It hurts like hell at the time, but one _does_ get +over it. As you know, I went abroad for some years and tried to forget. +I should be--_embarrassed_, if I sat next to Sonia at dinner to-night, +but I shouldn't get the same tug at the heart that I got when I just saw +her for a moment in the distance--at the Coronation. You'd better go +away." + +Jack smiled and then turned his head, finally resting his chin on one +fist and staring at the empty fire-place so that his face should be +hidden. + +"I'm not going away," he answered. "I've every intention of marrying +Barbara. I feel that we were made for each other." + +"But what are you going to do?" Loring repeated, as he paused again. + +"I propose to become a Catholic." + +Loring started and sat down on the arm of a chair without speaking. +Jack's natural stolidity was a guarantee against melodrama. + +"You can't do that, Jack," he said at length. + +"We know several people who have." + +"I won't criticize them, because they may already have been Catholics in +everything but name. They're entitled to the benefit of the doubt. But +you and I have talked religion a hundred times. It wouldn't be straight +dealing." + +"Then I'm glad I've not talked religion with any one else. There'll be +no one else to give me away. _I'm_ entitled to the benefit of the +doubt." + +"No one would believe you; Barbara certainly wouldn't; and you'd never +be able to impose on yourself. You'd always feel dishonoured, Jack." + +There was a long silence, in which Loring was visibly the more +embarrassed. Jack smoked his cigar tranquilly, looking ahead of him at +the fire-place and not striving to pose either as hero or as cynic. + +"My dear Jim," he answered at length, "if this were an _easy_ question, +where I could trust my own judgement, I wouldn't inflict my troubles on +you like this. I won't pretend I _like_ it. If you could suggest a +better way.... Now, when once the thing's done, there's no discussion; I +don't question Barbara's _bona fides_ and I won't let her question mine. +Any children will be full-blooded Catholics, and the question will never +be raised again. I've completed a formality; she will in fact marry a +Catholic, which is what she's sticking out for, and I'll see to it that +no shadow of difference ever arises from religion. It's not easy, God +knows. Incidentally, the entire world will say I'm marrying her for her +money and getting converted so that she shan't forfeit it. Always a +pleasant thing to hear.... However, necessity knows no law." + +"That's tied round the neck of every crime and immorality in the +world's history." + +Jack looked up with the first sign of interest that his face had shewn. + +"You really think that would be a crime? I've come to you for your +opinion. A crime against Barbara?" + +"Against yourself. I don't think it would affect her. Do you know +anything about the course of preparation before you're received into the +Church? You'll have to tell one lie after another, weeks and weeks of +them. And, when you've been received, you'll have to continue. D'you +propose to go regularly to Mass? Will you go to Confession?" + +Barbara's reputation for laxity was widely known and disapproved. + +"I'll do whatever my wife does," Jack promised. + +Though he pretended to keep an open mind, he was inviting criticism only +for the satisfaction of demolishing it. Loring was still shocked and +doubly shocked that he could make no impression on his friend's stubborn +insensibility. + +"Have you discussed it with your people?" he asked. + +"I've discussed it with no one. It'll be hell for them, of course." + +"They won't be taken in." + +Jack smiled a little ruefully and took up his position in front of the +fire-place, facing his friend. + +"They won't be taken in," he agreed. "They'll hate it. _I_ hate it. It's +a lie, a chain of lies. I don't expect that I shall ever be able to +invent excuses or tell myself a fairy-tale to get round it. The best I +can say is that it's the only means and that the end must justify the +means. I can't defend myself, Jim." + +It was difficult to reason with a man who admitted every charge in +advance, and Loring was puzzled to know why they were arguing at all. + +"You're committing a crime against yourself--and making your family +perfectly miserable," he pointed out. "I know people rob and murder, +when they're in love, but why come and tell me about it?" + +"I wanted you as a barometer--for my own sanity. _Have_ I lost touch +with reality?" + +"I think you're quite mad. I've been through it myself; and I was just +as mad. The best advice I can give you is to go away from Babs for three +or six months and see how you feel. If it's as bad as ever at the +end.... No, I'm damned if I take the responsibility of encouraging you; +I feel as badly about it as that." + +Both started guiltily as the butler came in with a tray of decanters and +glasses, and Jack murmured, "Jove! It's getting late." When they were +alone again, he took a second cigar and flung himself into an arm-chair. + +"We might make a present of this to Eric Lane," he said grimly, "for one +of his plays. I've never before been up against a thing where there was +so little chance of compromise. Or, if I have, I've always said, +"There's only one possible thing to do," and I've tried to do it. D'you +remember Raney's cheerful prophecy my last night in Oxford? Within ten +years we should all have made such fools of ourselves that we should +wish we were dead. Nine years ago. Your undergraduate is a sexless +creature; we none of us thought then that a mere woman could mess up our +lives.... Well, I've had a run for my money." + +"There's only one possible thing to do here," said Loring emphatically, +holding him back as he tried to change the subject. + +"You weren't such a sea-green incorruptible three years ago." + +"When _I_ made a fool of _my_self.... There's no comparison. I was +prepared to flout the Church and marry without dispensation; it wouldn't +have been a valid marriage in the eyes of the Church, and the whole of +Catholic society would have cut me. But I never offered Sonia to change +one faith for another or to pretend that I had." + +Jack sprang violently out of his chair and strode to Loring's sofa, +standing over him with legs apart and arms akimbo. + +"But if she'd insisted? You've got to be honest about this." + +Loring looked up at the unwontedly white face and burning eyes above +him; then he looked away, whistled to himself and shrugged his +shoulders. + +"I'd have done it," he answered. + +"Well, that's how _I_ feel now." + +"And if Babs were married already?" + +Jack turned away with a mirthless laugh. + +"Damn you, Jim!" he cried. + +"Not a bit of it! You _would_ stop short of some things." + +"But then I should be injuring another man." + +"He might rejoice to be rid of her. And here you're injuring yourself." + +There was a long silence, and Loring tried to ease it by filling two +tumblers with brandy and soda. Jack returned to his chair, drawing +furiously at his cigar and rapidly smoothing the back of his head. + +"I'm not going to give her up," he said at length. + +"You can at least go away and think it over. Don't meet her. Work as +you've never worked before. Mark you, the best thing is to go _right_ +away. She won't help you a bit. Women are cruel and women are selfish. +If she's made up her mind that she can't marry you, she'll do the next +best thing for herself and take good care that she gets all the time, +attention, affection that she can out of you. And your nerves will +crack. If you live within telephoning or writing distance, you're done +for. _I_ saw that for myself. When I got back to England a few months +ago, I only consented to stay in London when I heard that Sonia had gone +abroad. She'd have tried to get on _some_ kind of terms with me. If I'd +still been smashed up, she'd have wanted to have a look at her +handiwork; if I'd completely recovered, she'd want to see whether she +still had the power to cast a spell over me. And, if she felt she'd done +me a great wrong, she'd have wanted to vindicate herself. Women drown +bad consciences in self-justification. Will you go away?" + +"I'll think about it. Jim, did _you_ know that Babs took her religion so +seriously?" + +"No, but then I don't know her at all well." + +"I'm taking all she says at face-value, allowing for a little natural +rhetoric----" + +"Well, I shouldn't--with any woman," Loring interrupted. "Look here, +Jack. You and Babs have got yourselves into a tangle. You can get out of +it by refusing to see her again--which you won't entertain; or by +perjuring yourself--which I hope and pray you won't do; or by _her_ +climbing down a bit. One of you has to make the sacrifice; and I'm +inclined to think Solomon would have said that, if she's not prepared to +climb down--you're not asking her to do anything that the Church +forbids--she's not in earnest, she's not worth having. Solomon would +have said that, if she put you in the second place, she didn't want +you.... I wonder whether she does. For all I know she's just made up her +mind to add your scalp to her belt. Why the deuce did she let you +propose to her--you did _actually_, didn't you?--if she meant to bring +up this objection at the last minute?" + +"It was only when _I_ began to trot out the objections that she +recognized them. Jim, this is a question of instinct; whether a woman's +really in love with you or whether she's only pretending may be _felt_, +but no one can _prove_ it. I take it--though I've had no +experience--that there's always a moment when a woman surrenders, not +only in words but with all her being. If you'd ever broken in a horse, +you'd know what I mean. It's like that with her." + +Loring raised his eyebrows in passing surprise at the comparison no less +than at Jack's assurance. + +"Well, I'm glad to hear it," he said without conviction. "If you're +right, she'll climb down. If she won't climb down, it means she doesn't +want you." + +Jack pondered for a while without answering; then he looked at his watch +and jumped up with a murmur of dismay. + +"Jim, d'you know it's just on two?" + +"I wonder what time it was when I'd finished pouring out my troubles to +George that night! I hope it's going to be all right, Jack, though a +mixed marriage is a hideous gamble. And Babs is a fair gamble in +herself. And I wish I felt as certain of her as you do. Mind, three +months----" + +"I don't commit myself to any specific period," Jack interrupted, as +they went into the hall. Barbara had the obstinate vanity of a spoilt +and wilful child; after refusing to yield on one point, she was capable +of sacrificing even her own happiness to sustain her refusal. + +"If she holds out for three months," said Loring gravely, "it'll mean +that there's something in her life bigger than you." + +Jack laughed and ran down the steps into Curzon Street. That she wanted +him was never in doubt since her first advances at the Croxton ball. + +"Good-night, Jim, and many thanks. You'll hear from me before I die." + +"Best of luck, old man," Loring called back, with such heartiness as he +could force into his voice. + + + + +CHAPTER TEN + +VINDICATION + + "Casilda: But it's so undignified--it's so degrading! A Grandee of + Spain turned into a public company! Such a thing was never heard + of! + + Duke: My child, the Duke of Plaza-Toro does not follow fashions--he + leads them." + + W. S. GILBERT: "THE GONDOLIERS." + + +At the beginning of June Jack received a letter in a well-known +hand-writing from a familiar address. + + +"_Pump Court, Temple, E. C._ + +"_Have you ever done your duty by the University of Oxford? I mean, have +you ever taken your M. A.? I haven't, though I ought to have years ago, +and I'm sure you haven't, either. What do you think about going up next +Degree Day? I'll find out when it is and order rooms and pack your +suit-case and take it to Paddington and buy a ticket and generally +nursemaid you, as I used to do in the days before you were a social +success. I never see you nowadays either on the Winchester train or in +London; they say that you have deserted your various clubs for the +gilded saloons of Mayfair. Let me know what's happened to you. Ever +yours,_ + +_Eric Lane._" + + +Jack welcomed the diversion and wrote an enthusiastic acceptance. For +some months he had been too much occupied with Barbara to spare regrets +for Eric, but he was sorry to feel that they were drifting apart. And +the invitation gave him an excuse for spending a long week-end out of +London. Since the Ross House ball he had held no communication with +Barbara; since his unburdening of soul to Jim Loring he had avoided +every one who might ask him why he was in hiding or report to her that +he had been tracked down. Lady Knightrider tried once or twice to secure +him for dinner, but after a few failures she accepted his plea of +private work. And very soon the inquisitive had other food for their +curiosity. Arden concentrated his attention on a possible match between +Loring and Miss Hunter-Oakleigh; Summertown threw needful light on a +newly discovered intrigue between Mrs. Welman and Sir Deryk Lancing; and +Deganway confined his energies to scandalous speculation about a motor +tour which Sir Adolf Erckmann was conducting in South Europe with his +sister, young Webster, Sonia Dainton and others of less stable +reputation. + +"Delighted to come" Jack wrote to Eric. "Let me know the day and the +train; everything else I leave to you. It's ages since I saw you." + +However far the gossip had spread, it was unlikely to have reached Pump +Court. But, if he felt secure from impertinent questions, Jack would +have paid a high price to meet any one who could give him tidings of +Barbara. Until six months before, he had been content with his own +company, but the daily close intimacy had set up an itch for +confidences. He wanted to know how she was and what she was doing, +whether she was missing him. In three weeks there had been no sign of +capitulation. And he depended for news of her on chance paragraphs in +the illustrated papers. Eric entered the train at Paddington with the +current number of the _Catch_, containing a full-page photograph of her +in eastern dress. There was also an Albert Hall group in which she +figured with half a dozen of the very people who were not good enough +for her. It was disappointing, and others were disappointed too. + +"_I've no news for you, but I've been thinking over this business a +good deal_," Loring had written two days earlier. "_I can promise you a +very friendly reception from the family, if and when you do adjust your +differences with Barbara. My aunt, Kathleen Knightrider, is in despair; +she says you were the only person who ever had any influence over Babs. +Now that you've disappeared, she's picking up with all the old lot. +Crawleigh's afraid to protest, because he doesn't want to precipitate a +row. She comes of age in a few weeks, and then no one can stop her...._" + +Jack was wondering with vague dissatisfaction how much more time to give +her for making a move, when his hand was forced. On returning to London +after the week-end, he lighted on a photograph with the description, +"_Lady Barbara Neave, Who is Giving a Sensational Ball. See p. 7._" He +turned to the page indicated and read a gossipy half-column over the +signature of "A Woman About Town." + +"_A mad world, my masters! But an amusing one, don't you think? The +oldsters say 'What next, what next?' but the youngsters always have +'next' up their sleeves, and it's always better than the last. Youth for +ever! We had the Shakespeare Ball, and the Regency Ball threw it into +the shade. Then the Young Bachelors took the field--and were driven from +it (with full honours of war, and all thanks to you, dear young +bachelors, for a glorious evening) by The Rest. Mrs. Leo Butler gave her +Night in a Persian Garden, and Lady Hessler retaliated with her Daybreak +Dance, which started at four--it's still going on, for all I know. A mad +world! And the oldsters are being attacked by the madness. These +'boy-and-girl' dances were squeezing them into the cold, so they gave a +ball to themselves where only the married could hope for admission. 'The +Hags' Hop,' said irreverent Youth and bided its time for revenge. And +now it is coming--in Ascot Week. I rub my eyes, for the World and His +Wife will be at the Bodmin Lodge ball, as they have always been and as +their fathers and mothers were before them._ Ascot Week? Bodmin Lodge? +_One would as soon compete with the Royal Enclosure as with the Bodmin +Lodge ball. Yet--it is not the whisper of my faithful little bird, but +an engraved card--'Lady Barbara Neave, At Home.' Fancy Dress, she says +in one corner. At the Empire Hotel. And my little bird tells me that it +will rival and outshine the Jubilee Ball at Devonshire House, when we +were all tiny tots. If I know anything of Lady Barbara, it will be the +ball of the season. Youth for ever! But it is a mad world. 'What are our +girls coming to?' the oldsters ask. 'A girl giving a ball!' 'And a +wonderful ball it will be,' say I. Best wishes, Lady Barbara!"_ + +Jack assumed that Barbara must be organizing a ball for some charity and +thought no more of the announcement until he met Loring at the County +Club that night before dinner and was hurried into the cool and deserted +billiard-room. + +"I say, _have_ you seen about my precious cousin's latest freak?" Loring +began. "There's been the most colossal row!" + +"I saw an announcement about a ball in one of the papers," Jack +answered. + +"_One_ of them! She's got it in every rag in the kingdom, morning and +evening, penny plain and twopence coloured. Barbara's thorough; I'll say +that for her. There's no going back." + +He paused to fan himself and ring for a glass of sherry. + +"What exactly was the row?" asked Jack. + +"Well, you know, she's coming of age next week; and the Crawleighs +thought it was a good opportunity for working off old scores. Nominally +it was to be Barbara's party, but, when they started on their list, she +found that some of her more objectionable friends were being cut out. +I've no doubt Crawleigh did it as tactlessly as possible, and Barbara +took it as a challenge. Both sides fought the question on principle, +Crawleigh lost his temper on principle, Babs--on principle--kept hers +and said that, if her friends couldn't come to the house, she'd give a +party for them elsewhere." + +"Characteristic," Jack murmured. + +"Very. It sounded like an empty threat, but that little devil--she _is_ +a little devil, Jack. If I were in your place, I'd no more think of +marrying her than of marrying a wild animal--well, she was going to make +this an Austerlitz or a Waterloo--no drawn battles for Babs; she +deliberately chose the night of the Bodmin Lodge ball and invited +everybody she'd ever heard of. I got my card within twenty hours of the +original row." + +"Are you going?" + +Loring laughed grimly and postponed answering the question. + +"She's thorough!" he repeated. "I was still at breakfast, when she came +in; I gather she's doing a house-to-house canvass. 'Jim darling, you're +coming to my party, aren't you?' she said. 'I want it to be a success.' +'I am not,' I said. 'I heard about the row and I think you're behaving +abominably.' 'It'll look bad, if my own--loving--cousin stops away from +my coming-of-age ball,' she said, her eyes simply gleaming with devilry. +'Jim, if you all go against me, you'll spoil my party, and father'll +think he's won. Then I shall go away and live by myself; and that +_would_ make a scandal, which you'd hate.' I told her that she was a +little devil--in case she didn't know it before. Then she came behind my +chair and put her arms round my neck; and I called her a number of other +things. Mark you, I dislike her; I think she's intrinsically unsound, +but I'm not in the least surprised that you fell in love with her; she +knows her job so well. She said with a tear in her voice--and in her +eyes; if you ever see her blinking quickly, it's just to make herself +cry.... All right, but you may as well know these things _before_ you +marry her--she said, 'Jim darling, I love you, but you _do_ make it hard +for us to be friends.' I told her again that I wasn't coming to her +ball. She sighed and began putting on her gloves. At the door she turned +round and said, 'Jim, you know the little paragraph "Among those +present..."? Sometimes it's "Among those who accepted invitations...." +_I'm_ going to have a special paragraph--"Among those who _refused_ +invitations was the Marquess Loring."' Then she became a hundred per +cent. devil; she was thoroughly enjoying herself. 'I won't let it stop +at that! I'm going to have this thing properly advertised. In the +morning you'll see wonderful descriptions and pictures of the ball--and +that paragraph. And the evening papers will comment on it--all the +disreputable ones; I'm the greatest friends with all the really +disreputable papers. And next day you'll see pictures of yourself in the +disreputable daily papers--"Lord Loring, Who is Reported to have said +'Damned if I do!' when _his cousin_ Lady Barbara Neave invited him to +her ball." I don't want to do it; it'll be a great deal of trouble; but +this quarrel has been forced on me, and, if you drive me to it, I shall +go through to the end.'" Loring sighed and fanned himself again. "You +can't argue with a woman, when she's like that. I said I'd come. My +mother and Amy came in, and she talked them over inside two +minutes--left them with the idea that the Crawleighs habitually tied her +to the bed-post and took a cat-o'-nine-tails to her (I wish they would); +then she went off to continue the house-to-house canvass. It's +heart-breaking!" + +Jack listened with relief to the end of the tale. He had feared +something worse, but he would almost rather hear of Barbara's +misbehaving herself than not hear of her at all. + +"There's no great harm done," he suggested. + +"It's a toss-up. She can't blackmail everybody as she blackmailed me. +God knows! you can do most things in the year of grace 1914, but an +unmarried girl, with parents living, _doesn't_ give balls on her own. +Any number of people have rather raised their eyebrows in talking to me +about it. If it's a success, there's about a six-to-four odds-on chance +that people will think it rather a joke, Barbara's latest freak. But, if +the thing's a failure, if any one starts a movement against it, then +Barbara will declare war on society. Don't make any mistake; this isn't +a fit of temper, it's a phase in her natural development. I've seen it +coming for a long time; she wants to be in the position where a thing +becomes right because she does it; she's always disregarded the law and +now she wants to make the law. If the girl only had _sisters_! They +_might_ keep her in order.... You know, there's a certain magnificence +about her; she's surrounded herself with every natural difficulty she +could find--Bodmin Lodge; she's raiding the Pebbleridge preserve in +broad day-light, she's asked Lady Pebbleridge to come on after her own +party. Fancy dress--she's set herself to rival the Devonshire House +ball.... Jack, is that the girl you want to marry? D'you imagine you'll +ever be able to control her? If you'd seen her standing by the door--it +was Joan of Arc giving the signal for battle." + +"She can't blackmail me." + +"What else is she doing now? She's blackmailing every one." + +"Well, obviously I can't stop it until communications are +re-established." + +"Then for the love of Heaven----No, I won't say that." + +"Go on." + +Loring looked at him closely and shrugged his shoulders. + +"I wonder whether _you're_ responsible for this new outbreak of hers? +This is the way she used to behave a year ago and for some time before +that. Then she dropped it. Now she's started again.... My difficulty is +that I don't know if she cares for you, if she's capable of caring for +any one. This may be her vindication--to shew that she _can_ do +anything. Or she may be fond of you, she may feel she's lost you. She's +got the pride of a spoilt child. I think now, though I didn't think it +when you dined with me, that she'll never climb down voluntarily. +_Possibly_ she's trying to forget you." + +Jack roused with a jerk and then dropped his head between his hands. He +had never imagined that she was as lonely as he had been. + +"What d'you suggest, Jim?" + +"I don't know. If she's gone Berserk on your account, I warn you that +she's in the mood to marry the first man in the street who's kind to +her. _I_ felt like that after the break-up with Sonia. This ball is only +a symptom." + +Loring ceased staring out of the window and glanced down at his +companion. Jack was still sitting with his fists pressed against his +temples, motionless and silent. A member flung open the door, peered +round the room and withdrew. As the clock chimed eight, Loring looked at +his watch, scribbled a telephone message and rang for a page. + +"You've shifted your ground since last we discussed this subject," Jack +observed at length. + +"I don't know...." + +"Oh, yes. You want me to stop the Berserk phase. You think I'm at the +bottom of it? Well, I've got my share of pride or vanity or whatever you +like to call it. I've asked her once, and she turned me down because I +wasn't a Catholic. I'm not going to call daily, like a milkman. Do you +want me to go to her and say I'm a Catholic?" + +Loring shook his head resolutely. + +"I'm not going to take the responsibility of that." + +"Responsibility be damned! You've taken the responsibility of saying +that I've brought about all this trouble and that, apparently, I'm the +only person who can stop it. You're not naturally sanctimonious, Jim, +but you've got a wonderful passion for not committing yourself. Will +you take the responsibility of not repeating our conversation to +anybody?" + +Loring looked up with startled eyes, but the door slammed before he +could answer. + +For perhaps three days the success of "The Children's Party," as +Barbara's costume ball came to be designated, hung in the balance. Some +of those who might not have objected to the ball itself disliked +Barbara's association with it and the salvo of press welcome which +advertised a private party as though it were a public charity. But, +while her critics murmured, Barbara was telephoning, writing and driving +round London to divide and win over the enemy, always using the promises +of her first victims to persuade the others. If Lady Loring consented to +come, who less exalted had the right to raise her voice? Because it had +never been done before, was that a reason why it should not be done now? +Novelty and organization effected much, curiosity more; for Deganway, +with his genius for discovering other people's secrets, published abroad +that there had been civil war in Berkeley Square and that the ball was +Barbara's declaration of independence. + +"The Crawleighs simply don't know what to do!" he exclaimed gleefully on +the fourth day of the campaign. "Positively _everybody's_ coming--except +the Pebbleridges, of course; I saw Harriet Pebbleridge yesterday, and +she's _perfectly_ furious." + +"One was told that the parents were formally invited," said Val Arden, +"but it was made clear that they must comport themselves as guests. Lady +Lilith would receive alone. You are thinking of looking in, George? Yes? +One had some difficulty in deciding on a suitable costume. A Modern +Financier--after our good Sir Adolf Erckmann? Were one's health more +robust, one would be tempted to give a party 'As Others See Us' and to +insist that one's guests should each personate a friend. Chastening, +chastening! One would expose oneself to indifferent parodies by Lady +Maitland, whom one has had the ill fortune to offend...." + +For ten days the theatrical costumiers were kept busy. Historic dresses +were disinterred, chain armour was taken down from the walls; and there +was bitter rivalry between those who simultaneously selected the same +character. When every one had made his choice, Barbara intimated that +she would like photographs of all; and for another week the studios were +thronged. It was agreed at the outset that no one would go to Bodmin +Lodge and the Empire Hotel on the same night; and, as the discussion of +costumes ruled out every other interest, Barbara found herself besieged +with requests for invitations; to be omitted was to be disgraced; and +she had the gratification of sending belated cards to more than one +critic who in the first excited hours had protested that brute force +alone would send her to the Empire Hotel under such auspices. + +"It's her Austerlitz and my uncle's Waterloo," said Loring to Jack, when +they met two days before the ball. He was careful not to ask what his +friend had been doing since last they met. "It's her great vindication; +Crawleigh's _asked_ to be allowed to come--to avoid a scandal. She's +stampeded London; everybody's accepted, and I believe they'll all come +for fear people will think they've not been invited. It's as bad as +that." + +"There's one person who didn't accept," said Jack, with a crooked smile. + +"She invited you? Well, it would have been rather pointed to leave you +out. And she wouldn't be human, if she didn't want you to see her in her +triumph." + +"I shall depend on you to tell me all about it," said Jack. + +"Oh, I shall just shake hands with her and then go straight home to +bed." + +As the day approached, the excitement redoubled until Barbara herself +began to fear an anticlimax. Only the need of registering her triumph +prevailed over physical exhaustion and sustained her in the stifling +hostility of Berkeley Square. Her father and mother drove with her to +the hotel and were formally announced. They would have liked to loiter +near her and to suggest that they were the hosts and were indulging +their daughter's whim, but Barbara urged them into the ball-room and +returned alone to her place at the head of the stairs. There for an hour +she received and tried to keep count of her guests. Congratulations +poured in upon her; she was complimented on her enterprise, her looks, +her dress. + +"No one but you would have _thought_ of doing such a thing," cried Lady +Maitland admiringly. + +"Oh, I expect a great many people thought of it, but I was the only one +who _did_ it," she answered, and the phrase comforted her. + +Bobbie Pentyre, who had been sent to spy out the nakedness of Bodmin +Lodge, arrived late with the report that it was almost deserted and that +Lady Pebbleridge, black with rage, had announced that she would never +give another ball, if people deserted her at the last moment like this. + +"She said that your leavings weren't good enough for her," he added. "I +thought that was rather rude to the people who had toiled all the way +out to Knightsbridge, so I handed it on to any one who I thought would +be interested, and that emptied the house quicker than ever." + +"I'm sorry if her party's a failure," said Barbara, "but--if people +prefer coming to me...?" + +She walked with him to the door of the ball-room. The crowd was too +great for dancing, and her guests were parading four abreast, until she +should give the signal and march at their head to supper. Inside the +doorway her father was standing in the robes of John, first baron, Lord +High Chancellor of England. She went up to him and slipped her arm +through his. + +"Am I forgiven, father?" she asked with a smile. "You know how I hate +people to be angry with me." + +"It's all very well to ask for forgiveness when you've got your own +way," said Lord Crawleigh with a vengeful tug at his blonde moustache. + +"But, if I want my own way, haven't I inherited that from you?" she +asked gently. "It's no good trying to bully me, because I won't be +bullied. You admit now that there was nothing very sinful in this ball?" + +"I didn't say it was sinful," Lord Crawleigh returned sharply. "I said +that such a thing had never been done before. There was no precedent." + +"But every one will do it now!" she cried proudly. "That you won't see, +father; I _establish_ precedents." + +"I don't see it and I won't see it." + +Barbara sighed and looked down on him with half-closed eyes and drooping +mouth. + +"Don't you like to see me happy, father? Won't you kiss me and say I'm +forgiven?" + +Lord Crawleigh stiffened and drew away, as Loring came up from behind, +pushing open his visor. + +"Well, I've kept my promise, Barbara," he began coldly. "The prodigal +daughter scene didn't go with much of a swing, I thought." + +"The prodigal son never promised not to be prodigal again. He was tired +and hungry, poor boy, and nobody cared for him. _I'm_ tired, too; I've +been standing ever since a quarter past ten. And I'm hungry. Would you +like to take me down to supper?" + +Her pleading voice seemed to bring to the surface everything that was +hard in Loring's kindly nature. + +"Not in the least, thank you, Barbara," he said, "after the way you +blackmailed me into coming here. I've kept my promise and I should be +half-way home by now if I hadn't run into Violet Hunter-Oakleigh. I'm +having supper with her." + +"Ah, I invited her specially to please you. Every one says you're in +love with each other. She's a dear girl, but I think she's got fatty +degeneration of the conscience." She looked thoughtfully at her cousin, +and her face lit up with a mischievous smile. "Jim, darling! I only said +that to see if it would make you angry. So you are in love with her? +Well, I'm really very fond of Violet, even if she does cross herself +when I come into the room.... If you knew how absurd it was to look +angry in that costume! I'm not having a great success with my relations +to-night. Sometimes I wish father were just a little bit fonder of me." + +Loring turned away in disgust. + +"You tried repentance with him, and it didn't come off. For heaven's +sake don't try the pathetic with me. I'm not a responsive audience." + +"Nor a very intelligent audience either, perhaps. You never know when +I'm sincere. I _do_ feel it most frightfully that I never seem to get on +properly with mother and father; I love them--and yet I can't live their +life. The last three weeks have been horrible--one scene after another +until I was worn out; I was sent to Coventry. And to-night I felt +dreadfully tired and, though the ball's been a success and everybody's +been sweet, I felt horribly lonely; people were calling me 'dear' and +'darling' and saying how beautiful I looked, and all the time nobody +really loved me--heart and soul. I was quite sincere; I wanted to be +friends with father. Jim, won't you take me down to supper? I want to be +friends with you." + +She looked up to him with beseeching, tired eyes and disarming pathos. +Loring surveyed her gravely for a moment and then broke into a laugh. + +"So it was all leading up to that? My dear Barbara, if any one loved +you--heart and soul--which you wouldn't deserve, you simply wouldn't +recognize it.... I've already told you that I'm having supper with +Violet." + +"And you won't--ask her to excuse you?" + +"No." + +"She'd let you go, if you reminded her that this is my birthday party." + +"I shan't remind her." + +Barbara threw up her chin and clasped her hands behind her. + +"You think I can't _make_ you take me in to supper?" + +"I'm quite sure of it." + +"I see. Well, ride your ways, Laird of Chepstow. They are waiting for me +to head the procession. You had better take my place--with Violet. Tell +them that I am not going down. And, if they ask why, say that I begged +my cousin Lord Loring--as a present to me on my twenty-first +birthday--to take me down to supper. Say that I was tired and hungry. +You needn't say that you refused; they'll guess that." + +She walked a few steps into the room; and Loring, after a moment's +hesitation, followed her. + +"Do behave yourself, Barbara," he whispered irritably. + +"Am I misbehaving? No one else seems to have noticed it ... George! I +haven't the least idea what you're supposed to be, but you look +adorable." + +"I'm a Spanish nobleman, _temp._ Philip the Second," Oakleigh answered. +"You know, Armada and all that sort of thing. Barbara, I've been +commissioned to tell you that the poor old Duchess of Ross is faint with +hunger." + +"Ah, poor soul, so am I! Are you taking her down? How sweet of you! +She's so greedy and so malicious. I believe I told the band to play us +in with "Pomp and Circumstance." Form them up, George, and tell Murano +to begin." + +"But you'll have to lead off." + +"I'm not going to have any supper." + +"Why not? You deserve it, if anybody does." + +"I've not found any one who'll associate with me at supper." + +"D'you mean that every one's paired off and left you? That's monstrous. +Look here, I don't like to leave my present partner stranded, but, if +you can hold out for twenty minutes, may I come back and take you down?" + +Barbara looked at Loring out of the corner of her eye and thanked George +with a tired smile. + +"I shall be too faint to eat anything by then," she answered. "But it +was sweet of you to offer, and you're a living lesson in manners for my +cousin." + +Oakleigh looked from one to the other. + +"Hullo! Have you two been quarrelling?" + +"No, it's my fault. I've offended him," Barbara explained. "You see, +it's my birthday, and, ever since I was a baby, everybody's done +everything I wanted on my birthday. I wanted to have supper with Jim, so +I refused Bobbie Pentyre and Charlie Framlingham and Johnnie Carstairs. +Then I asked Jim, and I'm afraid he thought that a girl oughtn't to ask +a man to take her to supper--even her own cousin, at her own ball, on +her own birthday." + +There was a conciliatory laugh from Oakleigh, but Loring frowned with +ill humour. + +"That's not true, Barbara," he said. + +"I'm sorry, Jim; it was the only reason I could think of. When I first +asked you, I didn't know you were engaged." + +The two men looked at each other; and Barbara smiled a welcome to +Summertown, who came forward cautiously, with the tail of his eye on a +trailing sword. + +"I say, Babs, Murano wants to know whether he's to play the jolly old +march-past." + +"Oh, yes! Tell him to begin. You've got some one to take down to +supper? Good boy! Will you lead off? I'm not going down." + +Summertown's sword flashed to the salute and rattled clumsily back into +its scabbard. He returned to the orchestra, and Loring, after a survey +of the room to find his partner, followed quickly after him. Oakleigh +laid his hand persuasively on Barbara's wrist and lowered his voice. + +"Your ball's been such an astounding success that I hope you're not +going to spoil it for the sake of a quarrel with Jim." + +Barbara pressed his hand gently. + +"Dear George! I'm so fond of you! You always speak with the sweet +reasonableness of a man with numberless troublesome little brothers and +sisters. Don't worry about me! It may be a wrong-headed sort of pride, +but, when I've _asked_ a man for a thing, I'd sooner starve than take it +from anybody else." + +Over the drone of voices came the tap of the leader's baton. George +shuffled from one foot to the other, shrugged his shoulders and hurried +away with a lop-sided smile. The middle of the room quickly cleared +until Barbara was left by herself, with the procession pressed in twos +by the walls. As the first chord was struck, Summertown called out: + +"Once round and then down, Babs?" + +"Oh, twice, I think," she called back. "I want to see you all." + +As the couples moved forward, she retreated to an armchair on a dais by +the door, smiling down on them and returning their bows. There was a +stiff nod from her father, walking with Lady Maitland, and a sweet, +perplexed smile from her mother, who was with Lord Poynter. Oakleigh, +with the Duchess of Ross on his arm, again shrugged his shoulders, but +she had little attention to spare for him; immediately behind, Violet +Hunter-Oakleigh was walking with Val Arden. + +Barbara looked quickly round the room, and, as the procession completed +its first circuit, Loring came up and stood beside her. + +"I told Violet it was your birthday," he said abruptly. + +"And she let you go? I told you she would!" + +"Oh, no one's likely to fight over my body! And Violet's too well-bred +to make even a veiled scene. Besides, I think she understood--to the +uttermost farthing." + +"Then there's not the least need for you to be grumpy. Sit down on the +arm of my chair, but don't topple me over. Have you ever seen anything +quite so grotesque as poor Johnnie Carstairs? In case you don't know, +he's supposed to represent Danton." + +"I daresay. I don't want to talk about Johnnie Carstairs. Barbara, I've +had enough of these antics." + +He stood stiffly at a distance, towering over her and refusing to see +the hand that invited him to her chair. + +"Jim, are you angry with me?" she asked in surprise. "Remember, you +challenged me; you ought to take a beating in good part." + +"Oh, I don't greatly care how you behave to me, but I resent being made +an instrument of rudeness to others. You've got to apologize to Violet." + +"For giving her Val Arden instead of you for a partner? My dear, you're +about equally tiresome in different ways, but Val is far more amusing. I +rather expect Violet to come up and thank me. Do you like to challenge +me over that?" + +"I've no doubt that, if I challenged you to play leap-frog with Murano, +you'd do it. I don't challenge you to do anything." + +Barbara laughed softly. + +"Is my impetuous cousin learning prudence? Jim, you're a dreadful old +blusterer! From the distant security of Surinam you can be valiant--and +hideously cruel--Oh, yes, I've got a memory--like other people--and a +skin to be flayed--like other people--and feelings to be hurt--like +other people. And it hurts to be hit from behind when you're down--and +hit by your own family. You're not so valiant at close quarters--either +three weeks ago or to-night." + +The tail of the procession was drawing near, and she rose and stood +ready to fall in. + +"I didn't send that cable to hurt you particularly," said Loring. "I was +so disgusted that I didn't want to have you inside the house." + +"Yet I'm always coming to lunch and dinner--even to breakfast +occasionally." + +"Yes, your mother interceded for you. It won't work a second time. +Please understand that you are not a _persona grata_ at my house." + +Barbara laughed mischievously and then became menacingly emphatic. + +"If that's another challenge, my impetuous cousin doesn't seem to have +learned prudence! Jim, as a rule I don't interfere with you, and, if you +won't interfere with me, there's no need for us to quarrel. You were +good enough to call me a devil the other day; well, if you want your +quarrel, you shall have it. But you'll be beaten. I've beaten you +to-night, I've beaten father. I've _won_. And I've won because I go +straight ahead and, when I threaten a thing, I do it. Men seem only to +bluster. You. And father. You all think you can bully me. A man once +said to me that, when I became engaged, he'd send all good wishes or +something--and a dog-whip to my husband as a wedding-present." + +"Jack Waring said that." + +"Did he tell you? When?" + +"I've forgotten. We've discussed you more than once, and I've given him +a very candid opinion of you." + +Barbara tossed her head, but her eyes were enquiring. + +"What did you say?" + +"Oh, it varies from time to time, as you shew yourself in different +lights. Until this evening I didn't fully appreciate how vindictive you +could be." + +"And you're going to add that--with two more strokes of your delicate +brush? I'm afraid Jack thinks too highly of me to be convinced by your +picture." + +"Well, I'd hardly say that." + +"He doesn't talk about dog-whips any more. He doesn't abuse me and bully +me. It's no good, Jim. The moment any one tries to coerce me--it's like +slapping your hand down on an open wound; you set every nerve quivering +in rebellion. If you were gentle and kind ... George Oakleigh was +charming to me after you'd gone; I'd have done anything for him. I'd do +anything for you, if you behaved like that. I don't want to quarrel with +you or with any one; you'd find me great fun, if you'd only be friends. +Fancy going on like this--and on my birthday, too!" + +"After to-night I have no wish to be friends." + +For an instant her eyes narrowed and her lips hardened in a thin +straight line. Then she broke into a laugh. + +"Well, for to-night at least let's keep up appearances!" + + + + +CHAPTER ELEVEN + +THE LAUREL AND THE ROSE + + "And some say, that it was at that time Pyrrhus answered one, who + rejoiced with him for the victory they had won: If we win another + of the price, quoth he, we are utterly undone." + + PLUTARCH: "PYRRHUS." + + +The season ended in a riot of sound and colour before Jack received his +promised report on the "Children's Party." In the last week of July +Bertrand Oakleigh gave a dinner in Princes' Gardens to celebrate Deryk +Lancing's engagement to Mrs. Dawson and Loring's to Miss +Hunter-Oakleigh. It was Jack's first public appearance outside a club +since the Ross House ball, and he was riddled with questions by his +friends, who wanted to know whether he had been ill and, if not, why he +had been in hiding for two months. Before dinner began, he escaped into +a corner and asked if there was any hope of seeing Loring privately +before he went to Monmouthshire. + +"I should like a talk with you some time," he added. + +"Yes, I know you would," Loring answered, smiling a little wistfully. +"I'm taking Vi down immediately after lunch to-morrow, but, if you care +to come round to-night----? We'll get away as soon as we can, and, after +I've taken her home, I'm at your service for as long as you like." + +"Thanks. I'll be at your place between half-past eleven and twelve. When +are you going to be married?" + +"At the beginning of September, if there's no hitch. I see from +to-night's papers that there's every possibility of a row between +Austria and Servia, which is a bore, because we wanted to spend our +honeymoon in Dalmatia." + +When Loring entered his library at midnight, Jack was contentedly +smoking a cigar and looking at a richly illustrated book on trout-flies. +Closing the book, he accepted a brandy and soda and took up his stand by +the fire-place. + +"I heard you say you were giving a party at Chepstow," he began. "I was +wondering whether Babs was going." + +"Allowing for her rather erratic temperament, I should say 'yes.' I +didn't want her, but she's invited herself." Loring described the +'Children's Party,' ending, "After that, I decided to have no more to do +with her, but I was reckoning without Vi. As soon as the engagement was +announced, Barbara called and virtually persuaded her that _she'd_ +arranged the whole thing by inviting us both to her ball and opening my +eyes to the fact that I was in love. I wasn't in the mood then to +quarrel with my worst enemy, so I said she could come.... Jack, have you +seen or heard anything of her lately?" + +"Not since Ross House. What's she been doing?" + +"Oh, nothing in particular. She's won her laurels, and there's no +temptation. When all's said and done, the Children's Party was a big +idea. She's made a unique position for herself; there's no one of her +age, there's not an unmarried girl in England, who can compete with +her--my sister Amy, Phyllis Knightrider, Sally Farwell, even Sonia, who +makes the running for her; there are precious few married women, even +among the political lot and semi-public hostesses, who can touch her; +and, when it comes to a tussle between a girl of twenty-one and a woman +like Harriet Pebbleridge, who's as solid and well-established as the +Nelson Column, it's Barbara who wins. I'm told she's had a perfect crop +of invitations to become visitor or patroness or vice-chairman of +different things; she rules over committees on anything from a national +theatre to an art guild--and does it uncommon well, I believe.... How +do you stand with her now? You're very likely to meet, if you pay your +annual visit to Raglan." + +"That's why I asked. I want to." + +Loring was conscious that he had been talking rather volubly to postpone +what he knew Jack had come there to discuss; inevitably advice would +have to be given, an opinion expressed, responsibility shouldered. + +"Apart from a formal invitation, she's made no effort to meet you? Jack, +I _wonder_ whether she's been playing the game with you. It's +incomprehensible to me that a girl should let you get to the point of +proposing and then fall back on something that's either non-essential or +else so important that she ought to have warned you beforehand." + +"I'm afraid you're rather biassed against poor Barbara." + +Four years earlier, Loring knew that he would have been as immovable, if +any one had suggested that Sonia had a blemish. Oakleigh had tried and +failed; but he was right in trying.... + +"If you've said anything that's rankled.... She's vindictive, as she +shewed by making a scene over the cable episode twelve months later. And +she's full of mischief. And you, who take things rather seriously, +probably don't appreciate that nothing matters to her except the +moment--and her vanity. In effect the only thing she could find to say +about you that night was that she'd cured you of criticizing her and +talking about dog-whips. You've not seen her for a couple of months; why +not wait a bit longer? As I told you months ago in this room, if she +_wants_ you, she'll contrive to meet you in some way." + +"With her vanity?" + +"Yes, if she cares for you more than for her vanity. You see that I +can't very well keep her away from Chepstow, but I think you'd be wise +to postpone your visit to Raglan." + +The book of trout-flies was becoming irksome. Jack lifted it from his +knees and restored it to its shelf. Then he ranged for a moment in front +of the glazed cases, reading the titles and whistling to himself between +his teeth. + +"It's too late. I've taken the plunge," he said at last, without turning +round. "I don't propose to discuss it with you, Jim; but I shall +certainly come to your party, and the only thing I ask you to do is +_not_ to tell Babs I'm coming. I want to pick up the swords exactly +where we dropped them. You've nothing more to tell me about her? I've +been kept on short commons of news lately." + +The last few days had been so crowded with his own new happiness that +Loring had lost count of time; he had forgotten that everybody else was +not standing still; he had almost forgotten that the world held any one +but Violet and him. + +"I--wish--to--God you hadn't done it," he cried in spite of himself. + +"There was no point in waiting." + +"And if you're wrong?" + +"But I'm not." + +Jack's face, as he turned from the books, was composed and assured. + +"She never promised to marry you, if you _did_ become a Catholic," +Loring persisted. "You're banking so frightfully on some mysterious +instinct." + +"I'm as certain of her as you are of Miss Hunter-Oakleigh." + +"I was certain of Sonia four years ago. _If_ you're wrong?" + +Jack was silent for many moment before answering. + +"Well, she and you and I shall know about it; and none of us will have +much interest in talking about it.... For the rest--well, my poor family +will be spared a nasty jar." + +"You haven't told them yet?" + +"No, I thought I'd wait till I'd got something to shew for my apparent +lapse from sanity." + +When they parted, it was Jack who went to bed with a tolerably tranquil +mind and Loring who first tramped the library like a caged beast and +then put on his hat and wandered aimlessly into the streets. He was no +nearer conviction when Lady Knightrider called next morning to warn him +that there had been some unexplained friction between Jack and Barbara +earlier in the season and to ask whether it was politic for them to meet +at Chepstow. + +"Jack knows she's going to be with us," was all that he could answer. +"He asked specially; he's very anxious to meet her again." + +"Oh, well!... I only wanted to be sure that there was no +unpleasantness." + +"Unpleasantness?" + +Loring laughed incredulously; but, when his aunt was gone and he +returned to his letters, the word echoed maddeningly. + +As Jack had asked that Barbara should not be warned in advance of their +meeting, the Chepstow party had to be handled strategically at +Paddington. Lady Knightrider and Phyllis, Charles Framlingham and Jack +were in a reserved carriage at the back of the train, and Barbara was +deftly flanked by an obscuring bodyguard consisting of Arden, Deganway, +four maids and a footman. Whatever the outcome of their meeting, her +sense of the dramatic would have been excited if she had known that Jack +and she were in different parts of the same train, travelling to the end +of England for the last round in their long contest. For himself, Loring +only wished that he could get rid of Barbara and of her elaborate +atmosphere of mystery and intrigue; if she decided to marry Jack, he +would rather not have it said by the Warings that he had abetted their +son in a course which they would never condone: if there were any kind +of unpleasantness, he would sooner have it happen elsewhere than at +Loring Castle.... And in the meantime Barbara sat in her corner, +sparring impartially with Deganway and Arden. + +It seemed for a moment that he might get his wish and avert the meeting. +Lady Knightrider wrote two days later to ask whether the arrangements +for the ball held good. Her son had written from London to say that "a +man in the War Office" did not see how hostilities could be prevented. +The word was to be interpreted in its widest sense; an outbreak between +Austria and Servia was inevitable, and it was no less inevitable that +Russia should come to the support of Servia and Germany to the aid of +Austria. Then France would throw in her lot with Russia, and Great +Britain with France. The sequence was automatic and inevitable. The +diplomatists might possibly find a safety-valve, but, unless they did, +there would be war, "and that," proclaimed Victor Knightrider, "is where +we come in." + +"_It's all so unnecessary and so dreadful_," wrote his mother, "_that +one feels almost wicked to talk of things like dancing until we see what +is going to happen. Of course, you understand that, if the ball takes +place, I shall come; I'm so happy about you and dear Violet that nothing +would keep me away from a gathering like this. But, if you decide to +postpone it till a less stormy day...._" + +Loring debated with himself and with his mother, before deciding to +leave his arrangements unchanged. No one could pretend to be satisfied +with the political outlook, but war on Victor Knightrider's +all-embracing scale was inconceivable. + +"_Unless there's any change for the worse before Friday_," he wrote in +reply, "_I propose to go on._" + +The papers, morning and evening, confirmed him in his optimism. A world +at war had only to be imagined in order to be dismissed. It was not +until the late afternoon before the ball that George Oakleigh, O'Rane +and Summertown, deriving their information from different sources and +speaking with different degrees of conviction and gravity, persuaded him +that, even if the incredible did not take place, at least a great many +intelligent observers thought that it would. At Raglan no one shared +Lady Knightrider's alarms. Phyllis and Framlingham were as much resolved +not to be cheated of the ball as Jack was determined to meet Barbara. He +assured his hostess that Victor was only trying to make her flesh creep. +For two days Framlingham and Phyllis played tennis or motored together, +and for two days Jack walked up and down one bank of the stream that +bordered the Knightrider property, meditatively thrashing the water and +smoking one pipe after another. His luncheon he carried with him when he +left the house after breakfast; on both days Lady Knightrider drove +through the woods in her pony-carriage with a tea-basket and drove back +again because she lacked courage to ask him about Barbara. + +On the morning of the ball, the optimism of the preceding days declined +sharply. The news could hardly be called worse, because the papers +contained nothing but the death-rattle of the Buckingham Palace +Conference. But a presentiment of evil sprang up and was fed by crazy +invention and baseless gossip. Victor wrote again with extracts from the +prophecies of two journalists, the private secretary to a minister and +the same "man in the War Office." Jack received a gloomy letter from +Eric Lane, and Framlingham was warned to keep himself within reach of a +telegraph office. + +"It's too late for Jim to stop the thing now," said Jack. + +"He'd have been wiser to stop it at the beginning of the week. Of +course, he can't be expected to feel quite as I do. If we go to war, the +Guards will be sent out before any one. And that means Victor." + +It was tea-time before she desisted from the last of her vacillations, +and the car was ordered to the door. Wrapped in coats and dust-rugs, +they drove through Raglan in blazing sunlight and reached Loring Castle +as the first stars appeared. The men were still in the long +banqueting-hall, and Lady Knightrider put her head in at the door to ask +whether she might drink Jim's health. Jack stayed behind in the hall, +trying to get his bearings in a strange house. A sound of voices came to +him through an open door on the opposite side, and, without waiting to +take off his coat, he walked on tip-toe and looked in. + +Barbara was standing by the fire-place, a coffee-cup in her hand, +talking to Violet Hunter-Oakleigh. Slender and tall, a study in black +and white, ghostly and arresting, she might have incarnated herself from +an Aubrey Beardsley drawing. Her dress was raven's wing and silver, not +unlike the one that she had worn at Croxton; there was a gleaming band +around her hair, and silver heels to her shoes. As he looked at her, +Jack remembered Loring's phrase in describing a distant view of Sonia at +the Coronation, after their engagement had been broken off. He felt that +same "tug at the heart" and told himself that he must be steady; though +Barbara did not expect him, he felt sure that she would betray little +surprise and no embarrassment. + +Lady Loring was seated near the door, and, as they shook hands, Barbara +turned and caught sight of him. He could not see whether her expression +changed, but in a moment she had left Violet and was coming across the +room to him. + +"I never expected to see you here!" she exclaimed, holding out her hand +and watching him with eyes that were unreflecting pools of deep blue. + +"I'm staying with Lady Knightrider at Raglan, and she brought me over," +he explained. + +"I thought you must have gone abroad or something. You've quite +disappeared lately." + +"I've been rather busy." + +"No one seemed to know what had happened to you." + +As Lady Loring moved away, he examined her critically. + +"You're looking very well, Babs. And I've heard a great deal about +_you_." + +"You always had a talent for that," she laughed. "And for commenting +very freely on what you heard. What have you been doing with yourself?" + +"I'll tell you at supper, if you'll consent to have supper with me." + +He was speaking in the tone and terms that he had used in the old +days--before the Ross House ball, before the disastrous Easter gathering +at Crawleigh. + +"I've promised it to Val Arden," she answered in the same measure. "And +two other people, now that I come to think of it." + +"Well, promise me--and keep the promise." + +"But why should I disappoint them?" + +"I feel you owe it to me, after we've not met for so long." + +Barbara could not wholly hide from him that she was puzzled. + +"I'll--see," she said. + +"You used to be more gracious; you used to say, 'Yes--if you want me +to.'" + +"That was in the old days," she answered quickly and saw, too late, that +she had needlessly raised the temperature of the discussion. + +"Nothing's happened to change it, I hope," said Jack easily. + +After the first embarrassment of the meeting, he felt that he was +holding his own and that Barbara was mystified and uncomfortable. + +"Jack, you've not forgotten our _last_ meeting?" she asked. + +"It was at Ross House. We had supper together then----" + +"Well, you don't want to--repeat it, do you?" she asked deliberately. + +"I want to have supper with you again." + +She was undecided whether to be distressed or intrigued. Jack could +always arouse her combativeness by criticizing, or--as now--by coolly +taking her for granted. But she did not want to repeat the Ross House +scene. He had an unpleasant faculty of frightening her--and yet to be +frightened by him was not wholly unpleasant.... + +"You can find some one else far more amusing," she suggested. + +"I don't even know who's here." + +"But you didn't know I was going to be here." + +"I asked Jim--five days ago.... I came straight in here without even +taking off my coat. Barbara, may I have supper with you?" + +Insensibility, which was his chief characteristic, counted for much. A +brazen desire, which she could understand, to treat the Ross House +meeting as if it had never occurred might count for more. Barbara would +sooner have bandied epigrams with Val Arden or flirted with his +supplanter, but she felt that she would be unable to sleep until she +knew why Jack had disappeared for more than two months and then followed +her to a remote castle in Monmouthshire--and why he came to her, like a +needle to a magnet, without waiting to get rid of his scarf and coat. + +"I'll have supper with you, if you want me to," she said. + +A sound of voices behind him warned Jack that the men were coming out of +the banqueting-hall, and, as he hurried to get rid of his overcoat +before any of them could grow inquisitive about his surreptitious visit +to the drawing-room, the doors were flung open and the first cars +rolled into sight. Loring threw away the end of his cigar and ran +upstairs to help his mother receive their guests. A group of men +gathered round the open fire-place, pulling on their gloves and waiting +for the rest of their parties. Jack stood with them for a few minutes, +wondering what to do with himself until supper. He was in no mood to +dance or to debate the possibility of war or to chatter about Jim's +engagement or to discuss what he meant to do during the vacation. He +could only think of one thing at a time and he had not determined +whether they were to publish the news then and there or to wait until +they were back in London. He would have liked to proclaim it at supper +and to see every man and woman rising to drink their health, but he +decided, on reflection, that he must talk to Lord Crawleigh before +making the announcement. + +Phyllis Knightrider and her mother came out of the drawing-room and went +upstairs. He followed them and, in duty, asked for a dance; but, as soon +as it was over, he escaped to the terrace in front of the castle and sat +down by himself as far as possible from the door. Barbara's curiosity +was piqued; and, if he met her before supper, she would disturb him with +artless little questions instead of waiting to hear the whole story. +Yet, if she would trouble to think, there was no room for curiosity. + +"You are dancing? No?" said Val Arden behind him. "One can offer you the +half of a tolerable lair, not too near the music and adequately +provisioned." + +He led the way to a recess overlooking the ball-room and waved his hands +towards two armchairs and a table with cigars, coffee and liqueurs. + +"Aren't you dancing either?" Jack asked, as he sat down. + +"These young women may be less energetic in three, four hours' time. One +is waiting for the requisite mood of abandonment. One rejoices to meet +you again after this long time, even at the cost of losing Lady +Lilith's companionship at supper." + +"Well, I think I deserve it," Jack answered. "I haven't seen her for +months." + +"She is a little _difficile_ to-night. 'Out of temper' would be too +strong a phrase. But, you may observe, even the urbane Summertown is out +of favour." + +Barbara swept by them, as he spoke, and both heard her exclaiming +petulantly, "You're very tiresome to-night! I shan't dance with you any +more." Both saw them parting at the door; Summertown laughed +imperturbably, Barbara ran away and did not appear again until the +beginning of the next dance. + +She had found time to quarrel with four of her partners by eleven +o'clock and was prepared for a fifth and all-atoning quarrel with Jack +as soon as he claimed her for supper. The party at Loring Castle had +been delightful, until he came; for the last two months in London she +had felt like a released prisoner. Now the shock of meeting him again +had spoiled her evening; and, when she wanted to enjoy herself, she +could only worry her brain to find out why he had come. In the Ross +House encounter she liked to think that, by all public tests, she had +beaten him; but her victory brought her little satisfaction. When she +reconstructed the scene, something that was suspiciously like conscience +disturbed her. To pretend that she could not marry him because he was +not a Catholic was more serviceable than true. And to pretend that +religion meant anything to her was almost blasphemous, the sort of thing +that might bring her months of ill-luck. Any other excuse would have +been better, safer; at least she would not be inviting a judgement on +herself. Some things did undoubtedly make Providence angry; and she had +thought seriously of writing to Jack and saying that religion was not +the stumbling-block, that she had been flustered until she did not know +what she was saying. But then he would start again from the +beginning.... + +He had frightened her at Ross House with a simple and massive resolve to +get his own way; and it was fear rather than curiosity or annoyance +which was spoiling her evening for her. First he would arrange a +meeting, then discharge a proposal, then retire for more ammunition, +then arrange another meeting, and then.... She felt sure that he was +going to propose to her again.... It was so characteristic of his +methods that he should come early, engage her for supper--and then +disappear. If she "forgot" her promise and supped with some one else, if +she went to her room and locked the door, he would only wait until she +reappeared or else engineer a meeting in Scotland or the Isle of Wight; +he could not be avoided indefinitely. + +Loring found her standing by herself at an open window and told her that +she was looking tired. + +"Supper's just starting," he added, and she felt herself wincing. "I +needn't ask whether you've got a partner for it." + +"I don't know that I want any supper," she answered, looking round over +her shoulder. There was no sign of Jack, but punctually at the first +note of the next dance he appeared from space and claimed her. + + + + +CHAPTER TWELVE + +AN ERROR OF JUDGEMENT + + "And I,--what I seem to my friend, you see: + What I soon shall seem to his love, you guess: + What I seem to myself, do you ask of me? + No hero, I confess. + + 'Tis an awkward thing to play with souls, + And matter enough to save one's own...." + + ROBERT BROWNING: "A LIGHT WOMAN." + + +"Shall we go down before the crowd?" Jack asked. + +"Oh, don't let's miss this!" Barbara begged. "'Dixie, all abo-o-ard for +Dixie! Dixie! Take your tickets here for Dixie.'" + +"I've found rather a good table in the musicians' gallery," he confided. +"If we go now, we shall get it to ourselves." + +"Let's go downstairs like everybody else," Barbara proposed hastily. As +he revealed each new stage of careful preparation, she dreaded being +left alone with him. "Are you very greedy, Jack, or only hungry? I love +that one-step. Why did you drag me away in the middle?" + +They entered the banqueting-hall to the jig and stamp of rag-time +overhead; Barbara was still humming, as she drew off her gloves and sat +down opposite him at a corner-table. + +"You ought to be grateful to me for getting you a table before the rush +starts. I can't stand rag-time, myself. It's killed decent dancing. What +are you going to eat, Babs?" + +"Oh, anything." She wished that the tables were nearer together and that +the room were fuller. They were remote enough for Jack to become very +confidential, if he wished; and it was impossible to talk him down, if +he formally asked for five minutes of her undivided attention and +forbade interruption. She sought inspiration in vain from the vaulted +roof and high-placed gallery, the tattered standards hanging in double +row into the middle of the room, the rough stone walls half-covered with +panelling and the stained-glass windows at either end. To discuss +architecture with Jack was unprofitable at any time. "I _never_ expected +to see you here," she told him again. "What have you been doing since +last we met?" + +"When did we meet last?" he asked her once more, with a nonchalance that +made her look at him in amazement. + +"It was at Ross House, soon after Easter," she answered with rare +precision. "Don't you remember?" + +"Oh, perfectly. I wanted to be sure that you did. It was hardly an +evening that I should forget in a _hurry_." + +Barbara was frightened and relieved at the same time. His deliberation +and absence of embarrassment disconcerted her, but, in so far as his +manner was vaguely threatening, she was vaguely comforted. If he wanted +to punish her, she was well able to take care of herself; and she would +far sooner hear reproaches than pleadings, though for once she would +soonest of all be spared any kind of altercation. + +"And what have you been doing ever since?" she asked again. + +"I've just been received into your Church," he answered. + +Overhead the music stopped to the accompaniment of a double stamp; it +was as though the very orchestra were dumbfounded. After a moment's +clapping, it started again, and Barbara sat through the encore with +averted eyes and a frown of preoccupation, putting crumbs of bread into +her mouth and eating salmon which nauseated her. She was conscious of +mental cramp--and of nothing else, save perhaps that Jack was probably +looking at her to mark how she received the news. When the music stopped +a second time, there came a sound of voices from the stairs; and he +glanced apprehensively over his shoulder as the first couples entered +with flushed faces, pulling off their gloves and fanning themselves. + +"Will you marry me now, Babs?" he whispered. + +"I--_can't_!" + +It was something to find that she could speak at all; but, if he began +arguing, she was helpless. Rallying in desperation, she beckoned to +Arden and Phyllis Knightrider. + +"There's a table here," she pointed out. "Come and sit near me, Val, to +shew that I'm forgiven for breaking my promise." + +"One thought for a moment of starving oneself to death on your doorstep +in alleged Oriental fashion," drawled Arden. "It would have entailed +distressing privations, however, and one was persuaded by Miss +Knightrider against one's more romantic judgement." + +If Barbara could create a diversion, Jack determined not to be thrown +out of his stride by it. He began to eat his supper with a show of +relish which he felt to be incongruous after Barbara's emphatic and +unqualified refusal. There was nothing else to do, and it made the +absence of conversation less marked. Barbara had sent her salmon away +unfinished and, refusing everything else, was beginning to fidget with +her gloves; but, if he remained there all night, Jack was resolved to +outstay Arden and to keep Barbara there until she had explained herself. +In time she allowed him to give her some fruit. With every new couple +the high babble of conversation and laughter swelled in volume until +they were isolated in their corner. Behind the screen of voices Jack +leaned forward and touched her wrist until she looked up. + +"You say you can't. Why not?" he asked. + +The words and tone were as she remembered them more than two months +earlier, but this time there was no escape. + +"Because I'm not in love with you." + +She nerved herself to look him in the eyes so that he must be convinced +in spite of himself. For a moment there was no change of expression; +then, though the grouping of the features remained unaltered, the face +seemed to stiffen; lines discovered themselves from nose to mouth, and +the lips grew set and thin. Barbara gripped the seat of her chair with +both hands. Greater even than fear was respect for a man who could +control himself; for the first time she wished that she loved him, +because he was "bigger"--to use his pet word--than she had thought; she +would not mind telling him so, if it would do any good; she would not +mind telling him that he was bigger than she was, but nothing could do +any good now. + +Jack tried to speak, and she saw that he had to sip champagne before the +words would come. + +"That was not the reason you gave," he said at length. + +"It's the true reason." + +"Then the other was a lie? Jim thought it might be, but I said I knew +you too well for that. Then you've been lying to me all along? You never +intended to marry me?" + +"No." + +The hateful charge was used as a dispassionate definition. Jack refused +to grow angry, and Barbara felt her resistance wearing itself out +against him. + +"Jack----" + +He enjoined silence with the slightest movement of one hand and +reflected unhurriedly. + +"You always said that money didn't weigh with you.... I gave you every +chance of slipping in a friendly warning.... Why did you do this, +Barbara? If you never meant to marry me, why did you _deliberately_----" + +While he continued to speak with frozen self-restraint, she felt that +she could not bear the end of his sentence. + +"How was I to know?" she interrupted; and there was a note of sincerity +in her voice, for she had never imagined that he loved her to the point +of perjuring himself. "You say you gave me a chance of warning you.... +How was I to know? Up to the end--that night at Ross House--you were +abusing me and finding fault with me. You dared to tell me you'd said +nothing that my father hadn't said a hundred times! If you thought you'd +changed me.... You must have been mad; I let you abuse me because it +wasn't worth arguing about, I knew I was right, I've proved I was +right.... I know I haven't changed you and I never shall. You always +despised me so much, you said I was vulgar, shallow, vain, heartless.... +Did you expect me to understand that that was your way of shewing that +you were in love with me?" + +Jack touched his lips with one finger. + +"We needn't take the _whole_ room into our confidence," he whispered. +"So this was your revenge? I congratulate you, Lady Barbara.... Or were +you convincing me of my mistake? Oh, I beg your pardon! I didn't see you +hadn't finished eating." + +He laid his cigarette beside his plate and turned half round. Every one +else seemed to be enjoying himself prodigiously. Twenty shrill-voiced +conversations met and struggled; laughter swelled and died away. Some +one proposed Jim's health and tried to coerce him into replying. Lady +Loring appeared for a moment in the musicians' gallery, smiled +contentedly on her handiwork and withdrew. Their lightness of heart was +hard to bear, and the ecstasy in Violet's eyes was insupportable. Jack +turned back to his own table. He was not going to marry Barbara; if he +repeated it often enough, he might come to believe it; he was +desperately tired and could not think what to do next. + +A sudden hush, followed by a scrape of feet and the creak of moving +chairs, greeted the opening bars of a waltz. Plaintive voices enquired +for lost gloves, and in another minute Jack and Barbara had the room to +themselves. She gripped the chair harder, bracing herself to receive her +punishment; and, as he sat half asleep, she could have complimented him +on his refined cruelty in making her wait for it. Gradually he seemed to +see that the room had emptied, to guess that she expected him to speak; +his expression changed, and, with it, her own dumb readiness to take +whatever he might choose to mete out. There was still no anger, hardly +even resentment; but his mouth was pursed in disgust, as though a toad +had leaped on to his plate. Barbara felt herself aflame with desire to +justify herself. + +"I've finished now, if you want to smoke," she said. "Jack, I don't want +to reopen this, you _must_ see that it would be hopeless! You disapprove +of everything I do. You may be right: we won't discuss that. I'm a +gipsy, and you're--I don't know what you are." + +Jack reminded himself again that he was not going to marry Barbara. For +three months and more he had never doubted it; when Jim Loring frowned +and hesitated and let fall apprehensive uncertainties, he had answered +with easy confidence, as though challenged to declare his belief in the +solar system. Three minutes, or less, was a short time for readjustment, +but he was beginning to repeat the sentence with his brain as well as +with his lips. And so far he had not publicly disgraced himself in any +way.... + +"I don't think we'll discuss anything," he said. + +Barbara moved her chair, but he did not seem to notice it: he noticed +nothing, and the silence was unendurable. She asked for a cigarette, and +he gave her one, silently lighting a match. + +"I'm--sorry, Jack," she said at last. + +"You're losing nothing," he answered. + +"I'm sorry for your sake." + +"Ah, you can't afford the luxury of a conscience, Lady Barbara." + +"I thought you must have seen--after that night at Ross House...." she +began hurriedly, but her voice and courage died away. "Lady" Barbara +choked her. + +"You took pains that I shouldn't see. We needn't go through this again? +I took you at your word. You suggested one obstacle--one only,--and I +removed it." + +As he stood up, she saw him sway and for the first time understood the +size of what she had done. She and Jack did not believe that immortal +souls existed or could be imperilled, but if there _were_ a jealous God +who refused to have His name taken in vain.... + +"Jack----" + +"Shall we go up-stairs?" he asked. + +"I haven't finished my cigarette." + +She tried to speak again, but stopped at an outburst of singing in the +hall. "Geor-gie, what did you buy, what did you buy for Maud-ee?" +Summertown and Framlingham waltzed into the room and swung recklessly +between the tables to an accompaniment of falsetto small-talk. "Jolly +floor, what? Have you been to many floors this season?" "Oh, hardly any, +Miss Framlingham. I'm _quite_ a little country mouse. Here, I say, +what's the matter with this table?" Summertown subsided by the door, and +Framlingham scoured the neighbourhood for food and drink. Their noise +and high spirits were disturbing, but after one impatient glance over +his shoulder Jack turned round and looked at Barbara. She was sitting +lost in thought, with her chin on her hand, staring at the bubbles as +they rose in her glass--puzzled but at ease. The long, exacting season +had made her more haggard than ever, but Jack had learned to love and +yearn for this wan, fragile beauty; her eyes were bigger and darker than +usual, and a faint languor gave her added dignity. If he went on looking +at her, Jack felt that he might strangle her in a passionate gust of +jealousy and self-pity. + +The horn of a car sounded through the open windows, and he looked at his +watch. + +"Lady Knightrider wants to leave early," he said. "We've got rather a +long drive to Raglan." + +"Don't go for a minute, Jack. I've got something to say to you." + +It was that imperilling of soul--if there were souls and if they could +be imperilled. Reparation was needed, but, unless she promised to marry +him.... He would hardly want to marry her now.... + +"Can you spare me another cigarette?" she asked. + +He handed her his case and sat down, waiting without a change of +expression. Since he was not going to marry Barbara, everything else +seemed wonderfully trivial. He rather hoped that she was not going to +explain or apologize, because he was too tired for a scene, too tired to +argue, too tired even to nod or say "yes" and "no" in the right +place.... There was no point in sitting there, if she had nothing to +say. And three hours earlier he had decided that, all things considered, +it would be more proper not to announce their engagement until he had +Lord Crawleigh's formal assent.... + +There was a sound of other voices in the hall, and George Oakleigh +appeared in the doorway. He looked anxiously round the room and pounced +upon the bachelor supper-party at his elbow. After a moment's earnest +whispering, Summertown banged his fist on the table until the glasses +rang. + +"Not to put too fine a point on it, Hell," he cried. "One good +thing--you're in this, too, Charles, my lad." + +Framlingham emptied his glass and refilled it unhurriedly. + +"To declare war in the middle of supper is not the act of a gentleman," +he pronounced. + +The phrase drove away Jack's mental drowsiness; Barbara forgot that she +was even trying to think of anything to say; both sat upright. The +possibility of war had long faded from their minds, and they welcomed it +as a distraction. + +"Is it declared?" Jack asked. + +"Not yet," answered Oakleigh. "And we'll hope it won't be. But things +are looking pretty serious, and Summertown's uncle has called with a car +to fetch him back to barracks. I'm going to mobilize all of our +soldiers, but I don't want any fuss, or we shall spoil Jim's party. Help +to keep things going." + +He hurried away, and Barbara looked blankly at Jack. "War!" she +murmured. He said nothing; but his eyes, dull a moment before, were +shining with excitement. He looked at his watch and rose quickly to his +feet. + +"Good-bye, Lady Barbara." + +"But you're not a soldier!" + +"I must get back to London. I'm going to ask Summertown for a seat in +his car and then I must have a word with Lady Knightrider." + +He hurried away with scant ceremony, leaving Barbara standing by the +table. She began to collect her gloves and handkerchief, then sat down +and tried to think dispassionately. It did not matter that she was +beaten and that he could add "liar" and "coquette" to his other charges. +He would never tell any one how she had behaved.... But he had run away +without punishing her, and she wanted to be punished. Punished by _him_; +she could not hand herself over to Providence. For a moment she tried to +persuade herself that he was lying. But Jack was incapable of lying. Yet +for weeks he must have lied with a grim and sanctimonious face. The +world was standing on its head! She pictured his methodical, deliberate +conversion--the first interview and first lie, the elaborate instruction +in ritual and doctrine until he had told enough lies to convince the +priest, the final reception into the Church with a final lie that would +infallibly imperil a man's soul, if there were such things.... + +One sentimental idiot had shot big game in Uganda, when she would not +marry him. Another had kept his bed for a week, pretending a broken +heart. Jack said little; but, as she squandered his devotion, she felt +that it would never come again. Perhaps her fear of him was the shell of +love; certainly she would not have wasted ten minutes on a man who meant +nothing to her. "Di'monds an' pearls.... Di'monds an' pearl I have +thrown away wid both hands--and fwhat have I left? Oh, fwhat have I +left?" The words came in one of Kipling's stories, surely.... But she +could not remember. + +The hall filled again with the sound of voices, and she hurried out +rather than let herself be seen sitting alone and unexplained. Six young +officers were hastily wrapping themselves in overcoats and golf-cloaks +under the patronizing direction of Val Arden. + +"They cast lots for one's raiment," he observed to Barbara, "and +Summertown had the good fortune to draw one's violet-silk _surtout_. One +could not wish it a worthier occupant. There used to be an inside +pocket, and one recalls putting into it a trifle of _cognac_. They also +serve who only stand the drinks." + +Summertown was being dressed by his sister, who looked frightened in +spite of his easy flow of facetious reassurance. + +"Bless you, _I'm_ all right!" he cried. "They wouldn't hurt a little +thing like me, I should run away between their feet and get taken +prisoner. You'll hear of me next as the regimental pet of the Death's +Head Hussars. By the way, does anybody know who we're supposed to be +fighting? My jolly old uncle never let that out--sly old dog! Good-bye, +Babs! See you again soon." + +As they shook hands, she suddenly remembered the scene in Webster's +rooms when Jack, under the spell of Madame Hilary, talked of a war, +which was hanging over their heads, and of his own instant death. + +"Oh, my _dear_, I wish you weren't going!" she cried with such emotion +that Sally Farwell stared at her. + +"So do I. 'Haven't finished supper yet. Charles, my lad, d'you think +that, if we went back for just a _little_ one, we could manage to get +left behind?" + +Barbara turned quickly and walked towards the door. She knew that +Summertown would be killed.... Her scepticism was a schoolgirl's; she +refused to believe things because she was too ignorant to understand +them. For aught she knew, there might be a Soul of Man, for which Man +could be held to account.... + +Jack was talking earnestly by the steps, an overcoat and rug over one +arm. + +"I know nothing about the army," she heard Oakleigh say. "But any one of +these fellows would tell you. Or you can try O'Rane. He was saying after +dinner--in all seriousness--that, if Austria declared war, he'd raise a +Foreign Legion and go and fight for Servia. He was through one of the +Balkan wars, you know. But I can't believe there _will_ be any fighting; +it's on too big a scale, you'll have the whole world in flames. In your +place I should do nothing for the present." + +"But, if we _are_ brought in, we shall have to raise every man we can +lay hands on. I _am_ partly trained; I was in the corps at Eton." + +"I shall believe in war when I see it." + +Barbara walked past them down the steps. She had not tried to catch +Jack's eye; but he had seen her, and she hoped that he would follow her. +The broad terrace was littered with chairs, as the deck of a steamer +might be; but the night was turning cold, and she walked to the stone +steps at the end without seeing any one. Then she heard the sound of an +engine starting, and a muffled procession marched to the car. The murmur +of subdued altercation reached her. "Charles, my lad, you're taking up +too much room...." "I'm all right, I'll sit on the floor."... "That's a +goodish hat Phil's wearing! Phil, if you perch on the radiator, you'll +lend tone to the party...." + +She watched Jack coming slowly down the steps. An apology would be +merely insulting. There was only one possible reparation, and, though he +might not accept it, she must at least offer it; if he flung it back at +her, she would feel less guilty. Another hour, and she could think this +to rights. But George was already calling the roll. + +"Come along, Jack! You're keeping the whole show waiting," cried +Summertown. "'The stars are setting, and the caravan starts for the Dawn +of Nothing. Oh, make haste!' Or words to that effect." + +Barbara took a step forward, as Jack shook hands with Oakleigh and ran +across the terrace to the car. He might wound her vanity again, if she +could solace her soul with the knowledge that she had promised him all +that she had to give. + +"Jack!" + +Her voice was a timid whisper; the audience of jostling, laughing young +officers daunted her. What would they think of her, standing alone on +the terrace, running up to the car and insisting that she must speak to +Jack? + +George came down the steps and slammed the door. "_Right_ away!" she +heard, and the car moved slowly towards her. At the corner of the +terrace the head-lights swung dazzlingly on to her, and she threw up her +arm as though they would blind her. Some one began to sing, "Dixie! All +aboard for Dixie!" A voice murmured drowsily, "Dry up! I want to go to +sleep." The gears changed with a grind; Barbara looked up to see a +single red tail-light. + +"Jack! Before you go! I want to speak to you!" + +She was calling with all her strength now, but the beat of the engine +drowned her voice. + +"Jack! _Please_, Jack!" + +She hurried down the stone steps at the end of the terrace and ran a few +paces along the drive, repeating his name with a sob and stretching out +her arms to the vanishing pin-point of red light. + +George was still standing in the door-way when she returned at a limp. +For a moment she was afraid to speak lest she began to cry. + +"I've got a stone in my shoe," she announced at length. + +He smiled and offered her his arm. + +"You're looking tired, Barbara. Have you had any supper?" + +Only the kind and well-intentioned could ask innocent questions which +hurt like the thrust of a needle under a finger-nail. At one time it +seemed as though she would never escape from the banqueting-hall. + +"I've had supper, thanks," she answered, resting one hand on his +shoulder, as she felt for the stone in her shoe. Then she remembered a +similar act and attitude, when she and Jack stood breathless at the end +of the Croxton village street on the night of their first meeting; and +she limped to a chair. "It's dreadful to see all those boys going off. I +feel that _some_ of them will never come back." + +"But we aren't even at war yet," George protested. + +"Everybody seems to think we soon shall be. Didn't I hear Jack Waring +talking to you about trying to get a commission?" + +"Well, he wants to be prepared, of course. It's a military family, you +see." + +They walked upstairs together and stood in the doorway of the +ball-room. Colonel Farwell's car had come and gone very unobtrusively; +no one seemed to miss the absentees, and Loring and Mayhew, O'Rane and +Arden were holding the party together with tireless energy and zest. At +three o'clock Lady Knightrider and those who had long distances to cover +reluctantly sent for their cars, but the house-party and its near +neighbours danced indefatigably. At sunrise the curtains were flung +aside and the lights turned out; the last of many suppers was eaten on +the terrace at half-past four, and at five O'Rane organized a slow +march-past of the remaining cars in honour of Loring and Violet who +stood on the top of the steps, bowing with weary joyousness their +acknowledgement of the last toast. + +Barbara had been compelled at first to do her share of dancing, but, +when the band escaped to catch an early train back to London, she took +possession of the piano. It was again horribly like that first night at +Croxton, when Jack sat in some embarrassment by her side on the dais; +but at least she was not expected to talk or to pretend that she was +enjoying herself. When Arden joined her, she resigned the piano to him +and slipped upstairs to her room. She was down again a moment later, +trying to decide whether it was more intolerable to be with others or +alone. Her room was too tranquil and cool; she had been so happy, as she +dressed, so determined to enjoy herself;--and she had nothing on her +mind. Through the open window she heard Arden's hand and voice at the +piano, punctuated by burst of cheering from the strip of drive under the +terrace. The engines of the cars thrashed and beat, then grew calm and +jerked into sound again as one after another shot forward; Loring and +Violet were hoarse but inexhaustibly happy, and, as Barbara ran +downstairs, she told herself that she too wanted to congratulate them +again; in their present state they were too rare to be wasted. + +"What's the next item, Jim?" panted O'Rane, as she came on to the +terrace. His hair was disordered, his shirt and collar crumpled and his +arms full of the champagne glasses which the departing guests had tossed +to him after the final toast. But he was ready to go through the night's +revelry from the beginning. "I'll race you to the river and back!" + +"My little man, I assure you that you will do no such thing," Loring +answered. "If any one wants to dance any more, you can play to them; if +any one wants anything more to eat and drink, you can supply their +wants. _I_ think it's high time we were all in bed. _You're_ certainly +going indoors before you catch cold," he said to Violet. "And you, +Sally. And you, Babs." + +He rounded them up until Barbara alone remained behind with the chill +wind of early morning beating on her bare shoulders and chest and +blowing unchecked through her gossamer clothes. After the earlier +insufferable heat, this cold air with its burden of dew and +night-scented stock wrapped itself round her body like a bandage laid on +burning flesh. It purified, too, like a mountain torrent of melting snow +pouring over her arms and breast. Some girl in a book--it was by +Gissing, but she could not remember names to-night--had bathed naked in +the sea by moonlight--to cleanse her spirit because she had suffered men +to touch her body; this wind, as yet unwarmed by the orange sun of dawn, +served her in place of the kindly sea.... + +"If you _want_ triple pneumonia, Babs, that's the way to get it," said +Loring. + +His voice suggested a new train of thought, and she pursued it without +answering. Some young wife in a book--it was by Balzac, but she could +not remember names to-night--broke her heart because she fancied that +her husband had ceased to love her; no longer caring for life, she +worked herself into a violent sweat and stood in the dew by the brink of +a pond until she had given herself consumption.... But to take refuge in +suicide was to shew that you were unfit to have been born, that you were +unequal to life; this, even this night of horror, was a thing to be +mastered; Barbara luxuriated in life as a thing to be dominated and +enchained like a destroying flood or fire.... + +"It's such a wonderful morning, Jim," she said, as she turned. + +"Yes, but, as we've managed to get through one whole night without +quarrelling, don't catch a chill at the end and put the blame on me. I +thought, all things considered, that it went off very well." + +"I suppose so.... Jim, when I'm responsible for a thing, I never put the +blame on other people. You can't deny me courage." + +"My dear girl, I can't remember a single occasion on which you've taken +the blame for anything. Perhaps you'll reply that you never _were_ to +blame for anything, and we might argue about that for a very long time. +Come to bed; you're shivering." + +She walked with him into the house and looked wonderingly at the clock, +while he barred the door behind them. Six! It seemed hardly worth while +going to bed.... + +"Are you tired, Jim? Too tired to smoke a cigarette and listen to me +blaming myself?" + +Loring's heart seemed to sink. He had seen her with Jack and he had +listened to an eager but unconvincing story designed to shew that, in +Jack's eyes, it made all the difference in the world whether he motored +to Gloucester and arrived in London in time for breakfast or breakfasted +at the Castle or in Raglan and returned to London by a morning train. + +"I'll listen--with pleasure," he said. + +Barbara looked for a comfortable seat and led the way to a sofa in the +smoking-room. + +"I believe Jack Waring has discussed me with you?" she began. + +"I think he's told me everything that was to be told," answered Loring. + +"Including to-night?" It was an idle question, for Jim would have been +more Rhadamanthine if Jack had described the last disillusionment. +"Well, you know he asked me to marry him; and I refused, because he +wasn't a Catholic. He _is_ a Catholic now--in name; he asked me again +to-night, and I refused again." + +"Why?" + +Men preserved a rare sex-loyalty. Loring's tone was Jack's; his face was +setting with the same rigidity, and he would shew as little mercy. + +"I didn't feel I was in love with him." + +"Were you ever in love with him? A good many people thought you were." + +Barbara pondered deeply over her answer. + +"I could never be in love with any one who wasn't gentle with me.... +I--rather admired Jack, because he was clean and honest and had the +courage to say things that I'd have hit another man for----" + +"But you were afraid of him," Loring murmured. "Go on! You wanted to +shew him how wrong he was----" + +"I owed it to myself to shew him what I was _really_ like, not what the +halfpenny press thinks I am. He fell in love; and then, when he asked me +to marry him, I lost my head----" + +"But you never told him that you weren't in love with him," Loring +interrupted again. + +Barbara's eyes fell. + +"I'd lost my nerve as well as my head," she sighed. "He'd have thought +so much worse of me. I didn't see him after that until to-night; I +hoped it was all over. I told him again that I couldn't marry him and +then I told him the truth--that I wasn't in love with him. And +then--then he saw everything.... Jim, I'm not asking for mercy from him +or you or any one; I'm telling you the truth and I want to be judged on +that. Until to-night I honestly didn't know how bad it was, I didn't +know that I was anything more than some one who attracted him----" + +"You accursed women never do!" Loring broke in. "Well, go on! You played +with him and led him on and checked him till he proposed--men, +hard-headed men who aren't drunk, don't propose when they're merely +'attracted'--he proposed, and you told him an extremely ingenious lie +which I should have thought your extravagant superstition might have +kept you from telling. _Then!_ Then, when he pays you the compliment of +thinking you a woman of honour, you admit it's a lie. Go on, Barbara!" + +She shook her head slowly and leaned wearily forward, resting her chin +on her hand. + +"It's no good, Jim. If any one hits you often enough in the same place, +you cease to feel. You want to hurt me--I don't wonder!--but you can't; +I'm too bruised. No, _he_ said hardly anything. It wasn't necessary to +_say_ anything; he knew...." + +Loring strode to the table, picked up a cigarette and flung it back into +the box. He found that Barbara was watching him with wonder in her eyes +and waited till his indignation was under control. + +"And so you got a new emotion," he sneered. "Two, in fact. You played +cat and mouse with a man's happiness; and then you had the morbid +pleasure of letting yourself be flayed alive.... I should think it will +be your last emotion for some time." + +"As you like, Jim. But it'll be easier if I tell you everything and +_then_ let you criticize.... Jack hardly said a word. It was sinking +in; and it was sinking in with me, too. I'm not a coward, Jim----" + +"Oh, leave your vile little posturings out!" + +"I'm not a coward," she repeated patiently. "Standing out there a moment +ago, I thought how _easy_ it would be to get pneumonia and die and end +everything--_Don't_ say 'another emotion'! A coward _would_ have. But +I'd decided to accept the consequences. I was on the point of telling +Jack he could marry me, if he wanted to, when that car came and +everybody started running about.... I tried to catch him before he left, +I ran after the car.... That's all, Jim." + +Looking at her, he saw that she was indeed too much bruised to feel. + +"And now?" he asked. + +Barbara shook her head hopelessly and stared across the room out of the +window. + +"He can do what he likes with me. He can marry me and beat me. He can +sit--dear God! he can sit as he sat to-night, looking at me as though I +were a bundle of rags and sores that had thrown its arms round him. He +can tell people.... Or he can keep me to himself and sneer and torture +me when he's in the mood. He can take me and break my heart and fling me +away after a week, if he likes. There's nothing, nothing I won't do!" + +Her vehemence startled him for a moment, but her tone and phrasing were +too rhetorical to be convincing. + +"I admire your capacity for getting the last ounce even out of +repentance," Loring murmured. + +For a moment Barbara did not seem to have heard him; then she got up and +walked out of the smoking-room and across the hall to a studded oak +door. She rattled the handle for a moment and then came back. + +"Where's the key of the chapel?" she demanded. "You believe in +something, I suppose? And I suppose you admit that even I would stop +short of _some_ things. Give me the key! I'll swear to you on the image +of the Blessed Virgin----" + +"I don't think I should dip any deeper into that kind of thing if I were +you." + +"I'll swear by anything! You see those two matches? That's the sign of +the Cross. I swear by the Cross that I'll offer myself to Jack! And he +can do what he likes with me." + +"Wouldn't it be rather a waste of breath to talk like this to Jack?" + +"You mean I'm not in earnest? I swear to you, Jim, that I'll _beg_ him +to marry me, if he still wants to." + +The clock struck half-past six, and Loring shivered. + +"I wish to God you'd died before you ever met him!" he muttered. "What +the devil's the good of telling me all this?" + +"If I hadn't told you, nobody'd have known. _Jack_ wouldn't tell. I +wanted to commit myself before I had time to go back. Now I'll give the +whole of my life trying to make him happy, to atoning...." + +Loring caught her wrists and gripped them. + +"Leave him alone!" he cried. "It would be suicide if you married after +this." + +"If he wants me...." Barbara began again. "Jim, can't you see that I'm +trying to save my soul? He can have everything. I'm quite young, and he +can have all my youth and life, my looks, anything that I've got, +anything that I am. He can take it all--or he can fling it all back at +me." + +She stretched out her hands to him. Loring pulled her to her feet and +led her to the door. + +"Leave him alone!" he repeated roughly. + +Barbara left by the ten o'clock train, while the rest of the house-party +was still in bed. Her maid was well used to sudden changes of plan, but +she ventured to point out that the family was at the Abbey and that the +house in Berkeley Square was closed. + +"Well, it will have to be opened, then," said Barbara. + +She had not gone to bed, and there were dark rings round her eyes; but +she was clear-headed and determined. Her maid tried to tempt her with +breakfast before their long drive, but Barbara did not want to eat until +she had seen Jack. In the train she could hardly keep her eyes open; +but, until she had seen Jack, she did not want to sleep. Every one +seemed to be hurrying to London, as though there would be later news of +the war there; and she heard a far away babble of what Lichnowski had +said, what Kuhlmann had proposed for localizing the war.... But she was +wondering only what Jack was about. The luncheon-car attendant slid open +the door, but she shook her head at him; the idea of food nauseated her, +and she was glad to have the compartment to herself for half an hour. + +When her fellow-travellers returned, they found her with her head +against the window and her arms limply by her side. One of them hurried +away for water, and, when she shivered and opened her eyes, some one had +laid her flat on the seat, and a voice--the first kind voice that she +had heard for days--was saying: + +"Carriage a bit hot for you? Or perhaps you're not a good traveller. I'm +a doctor--or used to be. Just going up to see if the War Office wants +volunteers in case of war. I saw you didn't come along to lunch; when +did you last have anything to eat?" + +"I've really forgotten," Barbara answered. + +"I thought so. Well, a cup of coffee and a biscuit, eh? And I'll try to +get you a little more room." + +He whispered to the men who were standing in the corridor and +distributed them in the other compartments until he and Barbara were +alone. After the coffee she felt less sick and from Swindon to London +she was able to get some sleep. At Paddington the doctor wanted to take +her home, but she protested that her maid could do all that was +necessary, and he left her with an urgent recommendation to bed. + +Barbara thanked him for all his kindness and ordered two taxis. One took +the maid and the luggage to Berkeley Square; in the other she drove to +the County Club and enquired bravely for Mr. Waring. The porter replied +that he had left the club immediately after luncheon, and she made her +way to the Temple. Hitherto she had not dreamed that there would be any +difficulty in finding him; but Middle Temple Lane, narrow, cold and +almost empty, daunted her. It was the first of August, and the rows of +names painted at the foot of each staircase looked ownerless and +impersonal as grave-yard head-stones in the general desolation. As she +pattered up two flights of stone steps to Jack's chambers, the giddiness +which had overtaken her in the train returned and stopped her short with +a pain in her side. The walls were advancing and retiring, the banisters +swayed and the floor of the landing heaved gently like a pitching boat. + +When she felt steadier, she knocked at the door and waited patiently +until she heard feet shuffling in the distance. A pink-faced elderly man +informed her that Mr. Waring had gone away for the Long Vacation; he +spoke with a strong Cockney accent, and Barbara decided that he must be +the clerk with whom she had contended by telephone and whom she had +imagined to be obsequious and yet sinister, with red eyes, short hair +and bitten nails, a second Uriah Heep. + +"Do you know where I can find him?" she asked. + +"The first address he give me was at Raglan----" + +"Ah, but he came back to London last night. He's not been here to-day?" + +"No, miss." + +"Do you know his address in Hampshire? Do you think you could telephone +to find out whether he's there?" + +The clerk scratched his head and referred to a list of numbers pinned in +the passage by the telephone. Barbara had disturbed his afternoon sleep, +but she was an uncommonly pretty young woman, some one to relieve the +monotony of the moribund chambers; expensively dressed, too, and one who +would liberally repay a little trouble. His curiosity was whetted by her +coming to see young Waring; still waters ran deep.... + +"If you'll come in and sit down, miss," he suggested hospitably. "What +nime shall I siy?" + +"Lady Barbara Neave. You needn't--I mean, I don't want to speak to him. +It's just the address." + +"I see. Had the pleasure o' talking to you once before on the 'phone, my +lidy." + +"Ah, yes." + +Barbara walked into a shabby room with two scarred writing tables, a +threadbare carpet and four hard little armchairs. One wall was covered +by a book-case filled with Law Reports, old, discoloured volumes of the +"Annual Practice" and standard works on Pleading, Criminal Law and +Procedure, Real Property and the like. A few pounds would have freshened +the dingy room out of recognition and perhaps even given it a personal +note, but Jack was insensible to beauty and ugliness alike; he noticed +the peeling yellow wall-paper as little as he noticed the intoxicating +afternoon sun on the river; he had nothing in common with her.... She +remembered the promise which she had made to herself and began to look +at the papers on his table--long, white bundles tied with pink tape and +engrossed with old-fashioned lettering which she could hardly read. +These must be briefs, set out to look imposing, for many were grey with +dust. There was an unexplained red sack, embroidered with his initials +and fastened with a red cord; and a small black box with his name in +white letters, containing an absurd wig. This was his life, a life which +absorbed him.... + +Outside in the passage the clerk began a sing-song monologue. + +"Trunks, miss, please. Trunks, if--_you_--please. Is that Trunks? I want +Lashmar four seven. This is Holborn double four nine double-two. No! +_Nine!_ Double-four nine double-two. Thank you." He shuffled into the +room and smiled familiarly at Barbara. "They'll call me when I'm +through. Now may I get you a cup of tea, me lidy?" + +Barbara thanked him, but refused the tea. The Cockney accent was +intensified when he spoke on the telephone, and it reminded her once +again of the winter afternoon when she had tried to drag Jack away from +a consultation, the afternoon of her visit to Webster's flat. If she had +stopped then, there would now be nothing to regret or to repair. Her +fatal step was to invite him to dinner that night merely because she +wanted the support of some one solid and well-balanced. Since that day +she had never been able to decide how she felt towards him; she had been +unable to tell Loring a few hours before. If, instead of always +frightening her, he could have shewn a little gentleness.... George +Oakleigh, to whom she was nothing, always helped her into a cloak as +though she were the most fragile and precious thing in the world; and +she became rebellious and reckless, when any one was harsh to her. Jack +would order her home after a ball like a drill-sergeant; George came up +two minutes later and said, "I wonder whether you'll let me take you +home? You're looking so white and tired." It was more than a difference +of manner. Jack never realized that a girl could be hungry for +tenderness, but love was nothing without affection.... And love was +always easier to give than affection. + +The telephone rang, and the clerk reported that Mr. Waring was not in +Hampshire nor expected there for nearly another week. As Barbara walked +downstairs and drove home, she tried to think of any means of getting +into touch with him which her tired brain had not already suggested. At +worst she could always write, but she wanted to throw her pride at his +feet to be trampled and bruised, she wanted to look him in the eyes +without flinching or begging for mercy.... + +In the train it seemed as if the whole world were coming to London, but +London was now empty of every one that she wanted to see. Summertown, +who might have useful information, could not be found in his rooms or in +barracks; Framlingham was "expected back any minute." She called a +second time at the County Club, but Jack had not returned. And, after +dining by herself in her bare, half-resurrected bedroom, she telephoned +with carefully disguised voice. At the third failure, she abandoned his +club; to welcome humiliation from Jack was hardly the same thing as to +accept it from hall-porters and page-boys.... + +Though she was a night's sleep in arrears, she could not lie still in +bed. An old French clock with a squeaking, high note that reminded her +absurdly of Jack's clerk, struck midnight, one and two. She turned on +the light and reached for her writing-case. + +"_I don't apologize, because no apology is adequate; I don't seek +forgiveness, for, though I honour and admire and wonder at you and your +devotion to some one who never deserved a thousandth part of it, I don't +believe any one has the greatness of soul to forgive me. I am writing to +say that, if you still want me, I will do whatever you ask. I can never +make amends. But I will try with all my heart and soul and mind and +strength._ + +BARBARA." + +She threw the letter into the writing-case and turned the key. A second +sleepless night followed the first, but she was buoyed up by excitement +and the sense of a purpose to fulfil. The Sunday papers dragged war from +the middle-distance into the foreground, and, as she walked in a parched +and unfamiliar Park before luncheon, she felt that Jim would not be able +to keep away from London much longer. On Monday morning she heard that +he was returning next day, and on Tuesday afternoon she called at Loring +House. + +"Jim, I don't care what you think of me, but you've got to help me," she +began. + +He saw a pinched face lit by feverishly bright eyes, whose pupils +contracted and dilated as he looked into them. + +"I'm afraid this has rather come home to roost, Babs," he said gently. +"I'm sorry; honestly, I am." + +She was so broken-spirited that he found himself drawing her to him and +kissing her forehead. At the touch of his lips her muscles relaxed until +he was supporting her weight with one arm. + +"Ah, kiss my eyes, Jim!" she whispered. "They're aching so terribly! I +want to sleep; and I'm haunted.... What am I to do? I can't find him!" + +"I shouldn't try to. Babs, you know Jack always had the pride of the +devil; he's probably very sore. And this is the first time that a woman +has played any kind of trick on him; I don't suppose it'll be the last, +but you can be sure that he feels that the bottom's been knocked out the +universe." + +"But I want to help him! If I _can_ give him anything----" + +"He doesn't want you now." + +"After doing what he did? Jim, if I'd loved a man as he loved me, I'd do +anything to get him, to get him back! There'd be nothing left in life +without him!" + +"One thinks so at first. But, when love dies, resentment is a workable +substitute. Leave it alone, Babs. I must run away now, because I want to +talk to the War Office about taking a commission, if war breaks out. +Jack's doing the same.... By the way, I'm standing by to have House of +Steynes and the Castle and the place at Market Harborough turned into +hospitals. If you want something to do, you can apply to be taken on as +a nurse. In six months from now, when the war's over and forgotten, +it'll be time enough to move. I begged Jack to go slow and think the +thing out, because--frankly, Babs--I didn't know what you were up to; +and I beg you to think and go on thinking and to wait till you're cool. +You _hardly_ know what _you're_ doing now; and, if I know anything of +men, Jack's a raving lunatic." + +He moved haltingly to the door. Barbara followed with bent head. + +"And you want me to leave him like that?" + +"You can't mend things at present--if ever." + +"And in the meantime he may take a commission and go out----" + +"And be killed," said Loring, as she hesitated. "Let's face it." + +"And be killed," she replied. "Jim, I can't sit with my hands folded.... +What d'you think Judas Iscariot felt like during the Crucifixion?" + +Loring shrugged his shoulders and opened the door for her without +answering. For the first time that day he doubted her sincerity. It was +terribly in keeping with her love for the dramatic, the bizarre, the +sensational, the gigantic for her to be comparing herself with Judas +Iscariot.... + + + + +CHAPTER THIRTEEN + +A NOTE OF INTERROGATION + + "Fenced by your careful fathers, ringed by your leaden seas, + Long did ye wake in quiet and long lie down at ease; + Till ye said of Strife 'What is it?' of the Sword, 'It is far from + our ken'; + Till ye made a sport of your shrunken hosts and a toy of your armed + men. + Ye stopped your ears to the warning--ye would neither look nor + heed-- + Ye set your leisure before their toil and your lusts above their + need." + + RUDYARD KIPLING: "THE ISLANDERS." + + +"You've probably stirred up an ant-hill with the end of your stick +before now," said Eric Lane, shading his eyes and shifting himself in +bed until he could catch a glimpse of the Lashmar Woods in their riot of +autumn colour. "I feel that's what the Almighty has done here; we're +scattered in every direction, running about in wild confusion without +knowing in the least what any one else is doing. I feel amazingly out of +everything." + +He had already been seven weeks in bed at Lashmar Mill-House and was +white-faced and cadaverous, with bloodless lips and immense sunken brown +eyes. This was the worst breakdown that he had undergone since he was a +boy; but all danger was now over, and his voice was beginning to recover +its strength and music. Jack had walked over to sit with him. It was +their first meeting since they journeyed to Oxford together for their +degrees; Jack had been training in London and was wearing for the first +time the uniform of a second lieutenant. + +"How soon are you going to be allowed up?" + +"In another week," Eric answered. "I don't know when I shall be able to +start regular work again. I've had to chuck the paper. I don't think +they were sorry to get rid of me: there's been drastic staff reduction +in Fleet Street since the war. It's rather a bore, though. _If_ my +play's produced in the spring, _if_ it's a success, I may have some +money; otherwise I must live on my hard-earned savings and try to find +work. One of the government offices might take me. You know that +Oakleigh's in the Admiralty?" + +"Yes, and O'Rane's enlisted; and Jim Loring's a staff captain; and that +swine Webster is driving a car for the Red Cross. Even the egregious Val +Arden's taken a commission. I rather respect him--for the first time in +my life; he looks three parts gone in consumption, but he got round the +doctor. He wasn't going to have people saying that he was a funk, and I +think he felt that he'd led a footling life and that this was the +opportunity of shewing what he was made of. Most of us are feeling that +we've wasted a good deal of our time.... What did they spin you for?" + +"Overstrained heart. And, when I was examined, of course I was about +half an hour removed from my final collapse--which I think we will not +discuss.... Did you know Deryk Lancing? It was horrible about his +death." + +"Yes, I've been wondering whether it _was_ an accident," said Jack. "He +was so full of nerves that I should never have been surprised to hear +he'd gone off his head. But what an opportunity the war would have been +for him! Oakleigh told me that he was always worrying about his money +and wondering what to do with it. Well, the beauty of being in the army +is that you can't think about yourself; you're a tiny part in a gigantic +machine, and your individuality doesn't matter a damn to any one.... +When you think how every man and women you know was attitudinizing and +thinking about his own personality--Jack Summertown, Val Arden, +Deganway.... And the women were worse than the men. Everything +sacrificed for effect. Every one looking for new emotions. +Sensationalists.... You tried your personality on a new diet of +excitement every day. How amazingly _small_ it all seems when you +measure it by a war of this kind! Even the biggest thing of all. A man +devotes months and years of his life to engaging the affections of a +woman----" + +"Well, that charge can never be brought against you," Eric interrupted +with a laugh. + +Jack bent down and spent some moment in knocking out his pipe against +the fender. His parents and sister still did not know that he was even +acquainted with Barbara; but Eric might well have heard gossip from +Oakleigh or a dozen others. + +"Well, take Loring's case! _He_ spent years over that business with +Sonia Dainton. Then he got sane. Then he fell in love with Oakleigh's +cousin--engagement announced, flourish of trumpets, an immense ball in +honour of the occasion. The war comes along, and it all fades into the +background. I suppose they'll be married as soon as it can be arranged, +but the war's the important thing in his life now. He's transferring to +a service battalion as soon as he possibly can; with any luck he'll get +killed.... By the way, you saw that Jack Summertown had been knocked +out? In the first casualty list of all. _And_ Archie Stornaway. _And_ +Charles Framlingham. All three heirs to peerages, and two of them were +staying with the Lorings at Chepstow when I was there. If you'd been +told a year ago.... But, by Jove, this is pretty much what O'Rane +prophesied _ten_ years ago. What was his bet? One or two of us have gone +under, one or two are dead--with more to follow. One or two married. One +or two have made pretty fair fools of ourselves. O'Rane himself has done +well. And you're going to be our new playwright. _I_ wasn't doing badly +at the bar.... It all seems so small now." + +Lady Lane came in with tea, and soon afterwards Jack left. He was due +back in London to dine with Loring, who had written mysteriously to beg +him, as a great favour, to arrange a meeting the moment that he found a +free night. Jack guessed that Barbara was in some way connected with the +request, but he could not imagine what she wanted. For two months he had +divided his time between drilling and being drilled; there were new +friendships to form and new confidences to exchange; the questions that +mattered were the etiquette of the mess and the ethics of saluting--as +they had once been the code and spirit of a public school and, later, +the tone and rule of decorous society. Was the battalion to be sent out +as a whole or used for drafts? Undoubtedly you would secure greater +unity and _esprit de corps_ by keeping it intact; but the men were not +all equally trained, and the latest comers would set the pace for all. +There were heated debates between the rival sects, and the colonel was +claimed by both sides alternately. Once or twice Jack stepped aside and +smiled at the picture of himself working under a captain of nineteen and +taking a warm interest in mess politics. It was hardly the end that he +had imagined; but at least he had worked himself into iron condition +until his nerves were under control and he was too tired for +introspection. Loring's invitation was the first test of fortitude; the +library recalled their debates of other days, and, if he went there from +friendship, he was determined not to exhume something that had been +killed at Chepstow and buried by the war. + +"I'm glad you were able to come," Loring began. "I'll say what I've got +to say and get it over as soon as possible. I'm not doing this on my own +initiative. Have you seen Barbara lately?" + +"Not since your party. Jim, I'd sooner not hear another word on this +subject----" + +"I'm afraid you've got to, old man, for my sake. She's in London and +she asked me to give you this with my own hand." + +He held out a letter, and Jack looked at it in silence. The envelope was +addressed in pencil; the upright awkwardness in some of the characters +told him that it had been written, like so many others, in bed; a few +words were smudged, and this, with the bent corners, suggested that it +had probably been composed some time before. + +"I don't want it," he said after a long hesitation. + +If the mere sight of familiar handwriting could hurt him, he was +resolved to take no further risks with his painfully acquired fortitude. + +"You must take it," said Loring. "I don't care what you do with it." + +Jack shrugged his shoulders, unbuttoned a pocket of his tunic and +slipped the letter inside, as dinner was announced. + +"How soon are you chucking up your staff job?" he asked, to kill any +further discussion, as they walked out of the library together. + +When Jack returned to camp, Loring called on his cousin in Berkeley +Square. House and family were in tumult, for, when the Abbey was handed +over to the War Office, Lord Crawleigh was driven to spend the autumn in +London and he returned to find that it was one thing to urge his younger +servants into the army and another to be left without a single +able-bodied man to prepare for his coming. His wife was wholly immersed +in the management of her hospital; Barbara was training for her +certificate; Neave and the two younger boys had been given commissions +in the Guards, and daily life was so uncomfortable that he decided to +share his discomfort with the nation and to explain the origin and +meaning of the war in a series of addresses throughout the country. + +"Well, Jack dined with me to-night," Loring began. "I gave him the +letter." + +"Yes?" + +"He didn't want to take it at first, but I told him I'd promised to give +it him with my own hand." + +Barbara was unnerved by waiting, but she contrived to mask her curiosity +with indifference. + +"What did he say?" she asked. + +"He put it into his pocket." + +"He didn't read it?" + +"Not then." + +"And he didn't say anything? What did he look like?" + +"He was like he always is; no one would call Jack demonstrative." + +For all her studied indifference, Barbara shuddered involuntarily. + +"I know. He frightens me when he's like that," she whispered. "If he +ever flared up for a moment, I should feel that we were more evenly +matched.... He _will_ read the letter?" she persisted. + +"My dear Babs, how can I tell?" + +"Oh, of course you can't, but the waiting's so awful," she cried. "You +know what was in it? I kept my promise--the promise I made on the Cross +at Chepstow. If he wants me----" + +"Well, if he does? You still don't love him?" + +"I don't know. He fascinates me.... But that doesn't matter, I've given +him my promise----" + +"It seems to me to matter very much," Loring interposed drily. "I've +grown quite fond of you lately, Babs, and I don't want to see you +unhappily married. Or him, either. You say you don't know whether you're +in love with him, but there's a simple test: if you were free in every +way and could choose among all the men in the world, would you fly to +Jack like an arrow to a target?" + +"I don't know.... I think he might _make_ me come to him." + +"Against your will? Babs, you've either lost all your personality or +else you're in love with him." + +She shook her head in perplexity, frowning and smoothing out the +wrinkles with the back of her hand. + +"I don't know that it would be against my will. I can't make out. He +never loved me as I _wanted_ to be loved.... I never feel that Jack +could be gentle.... Do you know what I mean, Jim? There are some people +who seem to take loving for granted. They can't waste time on the little +daily tendernesses that are the glorious great tendernesses...." Her +voice faded away, and she sat staring in front of her until a change of +thought made her face resolute. "But it's not for me to find fault. If +he wants me...." + +"I wish to God I could do something to help," said Loring. + +"I must just wait, I suppose. I wish I knew what _I_ wanted.... +Sometimes I feel I'm going mad, Jim. I _can't_ get rid of his eyes, I +_can't_ forget the change that came over him when he _began_ to +understand what I'd done.... Has he gone back to camp? When d'you think +he'll write?" + +"My dear girl, you might just as well ask me how long the war's going +on! Perhaps he won't write at all." + +"What d'you mean?" + +Loring sank lower into his chair and stared at the ceiling. + +"I've been trying to think how I should feel in his place," he said. "If +he was simply infatuated about you, he'd go on believing in you until +you'd married some one else. On the other hand, he's ignorant enough of +women still to idealize them; and there's no bitterness like the +bitterness of your disappointed idealist. He may try to cut the whole +thing out of his life; he may tear your letter up unread, he may read it +and throw it in the fire without answering it.... What are you going to +do then, Babs?" + +"I belong to him until he throws me aside," she answered. "On my honour +and oath----" + +"I wish you weren't quite so ready with your extravagant oaths," he +interrupted. "You'll get into trouble one day. Jephthah took a similar +vow and lived to regret it.... Well, Babs, if there's anything I can do +to straighten things out, let me know." + +He got up and prepared to go. Barbara sat with her hands pressed between +her knees and her head bent. + +"I must wait," she whispered. "You go, Jim; I'd sooner be alone. You go! +I'll--just wait." + +Loring looked at her for a moment and then went downstairs. He could +have sworn that she could see her own drooping head and tired eyes in a +mental looking-glass and was enjoying her doubt and misery; as likely as +not, she would describe it to Jack, if they met. "Jim went away. I said, +'You go. I must wait.' And I waited...." A little of Jephthah's +daughter, the Lady of Shalott, Monna Vanna and Sarah Curran; tragic +pathos, tragic constancy, tragic hopelessness. By giving her the cue of +Jephthah's daughter, he had helped to destroy the illusion of +sincerity.... + +Barbara sat by herself for a few minutes and then rang for her maid and +began to undress. She had never dreamed that Jack would not answer her +letter. Though written on the night after she had failed to find him at +the Temple, she had kept it locked away for nearly two months, afraid to +send it and unable to say why she was afraid. Then Sonia Dainton had +called on her and, standing by the window with her face averted, had +talked of Jim's approaching marriage. "I hear he's going out to the +front fairly soon," she began. "I want to part friends with him--in case +anything happens. D'you think he'd see me?" "You can only try," answered +Barbara. That was a fortnight ago; some weeks later, on the eve of the +wedding, Sonia called at Loring House to beg and to receive +forgiveness. In the meantime Barbara profited by her own advice to force +herself into communication with Jack. It was all that she could do, if +she hoped ever again to know self-respect or even a quiet conscience. +She could make amends and give him his chance to embrace or spurn her; +that he would ignore her she had never imagined. + +The hospital at the Abbey opened three days after her conversation with +Jim; and Barbara at once volunteered for night work. Ever since the +party at Chepstow she had been unable to rest; Jack's haggard face and +fixed stare invaded her dreams, and, when she slept, it was to wake up +repeating some phrase that she had used to him. By going to bed in +daylight and lying with the blinds up and the sun on her face, she never +wholly lost consciousness; her brain was sentinel enough to rouse her, +if she began to dream of the banqueting-hall at Loring Castle.... + +When Jim's wedding took place, she wrote to offer him good wishes and +added in a postscript: + +"_I have had no news._" + +He wrote back, + +"_I have not seen him since that night. In a case like this, isn't +silence itself an answer? George heard that he was possibly going out +with a draft, but I believe this has been contradicted. Is there +anything I can do? I'll try to get hold of him, if you like, and ask him +what he's up to, but, while I don't mind exposing myself to a rebuff, I +don't see myself leading you by the hand to have your face slapped by +any one...._" + +"_Thanks, it's best to do nothing_," Barbara answered. "_I should be +hurt if he thought I was forcing myself on him._" + +At the beginning of 1915 Jim wrote on his own initiative. + +"_I hear Jack's gone abroad. George is my authority; I didn't see him +myself. I think you may feel that this squares the account. On the whole +I'm glad; and, if you feel as you did when last we discussed this, it's +the best thing for you._" + +A few weeks later Jim went abroad himself. So long as he was a channel +of communication, Barbara waved away the necessity of deciding what to +do if she were left with what he called a "cheque drawn but not +presented." Without him, loneliness sapped her courage; and she wrote +three extravagant letters, which, in the act of writing, she knew that +she would never send. Then she tried to forget. Then she centred her +hopes on seeing him, when he came home on leave.... + +A week before he was expected in England, Amy Loring called in Berkeley +Square to say that Jim was "missing." George Oakleigh had the news from +the War Office, and every one might be told except Violet, who was +expecting a baby. + +"_At this rate I sometimes wonder who will be left alive_," Lady +Crawleigh wrote to Barbara. "_Sonia has had one of her brothers killed +and the other wounded. Valentine Arden has been killed. Young O'Rane has +come back slightly wounded but without his sight. No one can ever take +their places. They are all equally splendid.... Poor Mr. Arden and Jack +Summertown.... Though a man may have been frivolous before, that does +not seem to keep him from shewing his true worth when the occasion +arises.... The war has been a great opportunity...._" + +Barbara's first thought was that, if Jim too were killed, there was one +person the less to share her secret. She was aghast to find herself even +playing with such consolation; but, as the weeks of silence became +months, she lost hope. With every new death or mutilation she was +becoming less and less equal to the great opportunity. Though she could +work as hard as any one, she came no nearer to justifying herself or +making atonement. The officers in the hospital sometimes refused to let +her do anything for them, because she had already worn herself out with +doing so much, but she was never tired enough to forget. Until she had +placated Providence, she would not be allowed to forget. And Providence +rejected her offering. + +In the summer she heard that Sonia Dainton was engaged to be married to +David O'Rane. + +"_He and I were sort of engaged when I was sixteen_," Sonia began. "_Of +course, neither of us took it seriously. At least I didn't, as soon as I +was old enough to think at all; perhaps_ HE _did. He_ SAYS _that he +always knew he was going to marry me and that for all practical purposes +we_ WERE _married from the time when I was sixteen. When I was engaged +to Tony Crabtree--I wasn't properly engaged; I don't believe I ever +thought I should marry him; but I was very young, and it was exciting to +be engaged. I believe_ NOW _that Tony only wanted to marry me because he +thought I should be such an asset to him in his career; thought of +course he was very much in love with me--David says that he knew all +about it and didn't trouble himself more than if his wife were flirting +with a man at dinner. Poor darling, he was very unhappy about Jim, +because he thought I might really marry him; but yet--he says--at the +bottom of his heart he always knew I shouldn't. Aren't men ridiculously +vain? But, Babs, isn't it wonderful to think of him waiting all those +years, standing aside, never trying to influence me, always quite +certain that_ ONE _day he'd marry me? Some time I'll tell you the whole +story and how he came into the_ HEART _of Austria, when war'd been +declared, to rescue me. He was terribly wounded at the beginning of this +year, and the doctors say there's no possibility of his ever getting his +sight back. You can imagine what that means; but he says he'd go through +it all again, if that were the only way of getting me! George told me +that, when David was delirious in hospital, he kept calling out my name +night and day. It's wonderful to be loved like that!_ + +"_We shan't have any money worth speaking of, and darling David thinks +he's committing the most awful crime in wanting to marry me at all. 'A +blind man with no visible means of subsistence ought to be quietly +knocked on the head,' he says. When he got back to England, he wouldn't +come near me, he wouldn't let me come near him; he says he couldn't +trust himself. And, poor lamb! I'm getting quite tired of hearing him +say that I'm throwing myself away and that I_ MUSTN'T _marry him.... +But, then, when he tells me that, ever since he was blinded, he's never +seen anything except me, there's no arguing about it, is there?_ + +"_He's gone back to Melton as a temporary master, and we're going to be +married in the school chapel. I should insist on your being one of my +bridesmaids, if I were having any, but it's going to be the quietest +wedding in the world. But I want you to think of me, Babs darling, and +offer me your blessing. I'm so very happy...._" + +Barbara read the letter twice and tried to forget it. Sonia could not +tell her too often how many men had been in love with her and how much +David adored her; there was little mention of love on the other side, +only the eagerly snatched tributes to a colossal vanity. Every one knew +that she had no heart. She justified herself and explained away her +early engagements and broken promises with a light brush. Women would +justify themselves, whatever they did! And Sonia was marrying with both +eyes on the auditorium, listening delightedly to the protests that she +was wasting herself. She was enjoying her sense of reckless generosity; +and, perhaps, like Val Arden and the others who hoped to atone by one +sacrifice for an empty life, she would welcome the sacrifice even +without the audience.... + +It was a heartless, horrible letter. If Barbara had been invited to the +wedding, she would have refused to go. She wished that she _had_ been +invited.... Yet Sonia was only doing what she had failed to do. Jack's +devotion was no less than O'Rane's, and she had thrown it away; she was +trying to atone for everything in one sacrifice, as Sonia had already +done. She might have been happy, like Sonia; she might have outstripped +Sonia by discovering a heart. Every one was falling in love and +marrying; it was time to discover a heart. Val Arden told her, when she +was sixteen, that this would be her greatest emotion.... + +The next day Barbara asked for leave to go up to London and choose a +wedding-present. She avoided her family, for her looks did not court +inspection and she could not afford to be torn away from the hospital. +The life at Crawleigh Abbey suited her too well to be disturbed; though +sometimes, as she came off duty and undressed in broad daylight, she +wondered when and how her strength would break. The other nurses never +wearied of telling her that she looked ill; the mirror shewed that her +body was wasting, even if she had not felt that even her stockings hung +loose. And there was a cough which had come mysteriously and as +mysteriously refused to go. + +On her arrival at Waterloo she telephoned to George Oakley and invited +him to lunch with her. He, if any one, would have news, he was fond of +her; and, ever since Sonia's engagement, she had felt that something was +wanting until she commanded an equal devotion and gave an equal +surrender. Of her, too, people were saying that she had no heart; she +was ready and more than ready to fall in love. + +"My child, you _do_ look a little wreck," George exclaimed, when she +called for him at the Admiralty. "This is a sad business about Jim. I +was very sorry for you all." + +"You don't think there's any hope?" + +"I tell his mother and sister that he's sure to turn up. If you ask me +whether I believe what I say.... It _is_ a holocaust and a half! O'Rane, +Jim, Tom Dainton, Summertown--Lady Maitland's eldest boy is back +wounded. And with the rest you feel it's only a question of time. Val +Arden lunched with me three days before he was killed, and I felt that +he _wanted_ to be killed. The thing had got on his nerves till he knew +he couldn't stand much more of it without going out of his mind. Other +people, again, seem to take the war like a game of rather irregular +football." He hesitated and then tried to go on without allowing a +change to come into his voice. "Jack Waring came to see me last week, +and I'd swear that he was enjoying the whole thing." + +Barbara's pulses hammered at sound of the name, and she dreaded to seem +too nonchalant. + +"How was he?" she asked, though it was rather of Val Arden that she was +thinking. Perhaps Jack, too, welcomed the chance of having everything +ended for him. She remembered that his eyes had suddenly shone, when +George came, grave-faced, into the banqueting-hall; he was making plans +for taking a commission three days before war was declared and three +minutes after he left her. It was in truth a new emotion to feel that +she might have driven him to constructive suicide.... + +"Positively keen to get back," said George. "Didn't...?" He was going +to ask, in some surprise, whether she had not seen him; the ball at +Chepstow seemed to have healed any breach between them. But it was not +his business. "Your mother tells me that your hospital is being closed," +he substituted. + +"Closed?" Barbara echoed in dismay. + +"The War Office finds it difficult to work." + +"But mother never told me! Oh, George! that's too awful! I can't get on +without it. I _must_ have something to keep me busy. If I start +thinking----" + +His eyes opened so wide that she checked herself. + +"My dear, the war's getting on your nerves," he said significantly. +"Doesn't Lady Crawleigh----?" + +Barbara blamed herself bitterly for letting her voice get out of +control; it was always happening.... + +"George, promise me you won't say you've seen me!" she begged. "I didn't +tell them I was going to be in London. I know I'm disgracing you by +looking like this, but, if mother saw me, she'd take me away; and I +should die, if I didn't have work to do." + +"I see. Well, I'm not a doctor, but you'll die remarkably soon at your +present rate. D'you know what I'm going to do when we leave here?" + +"Drop me at Cartier's, I hope." + +"If you like. And that's handy for Berkeley Square. I'm going to your +mother and I'm going to tell her what I think of your general +condition." + +"George, if you do that, I'll never speak to you again! And really, you +know, it _isn't_ any business of yours." + +"Except that I happen to be very fond of you. And, if you get ill.... +Dear Barbara, to please me, will you see your doctor before you go back +to hospital?" + +Barbara had so long looked on George as a kindly and comfortable bit of +universal family furniture that she was startled by the unexpected +softening of his voice. Perhaps he, too, felt that it was time to +cultivate a heart and to fall in love. She smiled with an approach to +happiness. Any hint of tenderness in a man's voice made her like a +flower opening its petals to the sun. + +"D'you like me, George?" she asked. + +"Not when you're looking like this. Now I only want to slap you and send +you to bed. Will you go to your doctor?" + +"If you like, I'll say that I'm going to him----" she began. + +"That's all I want," he interrupted. "If you gave a promise, however +extravagant, I should know that you'd always keep it." + +She raised her eyes to his and looked swiftly away. + +On the day after her return to the Abbey, the hospital was filled with +rumour and gossip. No new cases were to be taken; and, as soon as the +last bed was empty, commandant and doctors, nurses and orderlies were to +be transferred to the new government hospital at Sunbury. Lady Crawleigh +came down without warning to arrange for the reconversion of the house. +In the middle of the afternoon she went into Barbara's room to find her +with drooping mouth and wet eyes, crying in her sleep. The commandant +was flushed from her office and invited to explain; without waiting for +the hospital to be closed, Barbara was personally conducted to London +and sent under the care of Lord Crawleigh's sister to the sea. She made +no resistance; she did not even tell her parents that she was twenty-one +and that she refused to be ordered about. She seemed no longer to matter +either to herself or to any one else.... + +Before coming off duty for the last time, she said good-bye to each of +her patients and found herself presented at the first bed with a +pendant. + +"We had to get it in rather a hurry," explained the spokesman. "But we +hope you'll like it. We all wish you weren't going, Lady Barbara. It's +not worth being in hospital without you." + +"You dears, _I_ wish I wasn't going," Barbara cried with a quaver in her +voice. "Good-bye, and bless you all! No, I _won't_ let you kiss my hand! +I'll kiss yours." + +She walked from bed to bed, smiling until she reached the door; then her +composure deserted her, and she ran out crying. It was her fate to make +people fall in love with her, whether she tried or not--her fate, too, +never to be in love with any one herself. Jim, of course, would have +called this another experiment in emotion; he would have been very +scornful about the presentation and her tearful farewell, reminding her +that Florence Nightingale, her great prototype, had her shadow kissed, +as she passed down the ward. And next day, as she might almost have +foreseen, there were photographs of her in uniform: "_Lady Barbara +Neave, who has been doing splendid war-work at Lady Crawleigh's hospital +in Hampshire._" For the first time in her life she wanted to be left +alone and unnoticed, so that she could get into a train or walk about in +London without being recognized. + +Under the hourly care of a doctor she was no longer allowed to keep +herself awake for fear of dreaming. But there was nothing to occupy her +by day, and she brooded eternally on the workings of Jack's mind. A +letter from Sonia started the train. + +"_Bobs darling, the bracelet is divine! Thank you ever so much for it! I +didn't write before, because we've been so frightfully busy. I expect +you saw that we were married last week. Babs, I'm so happy! I'm at_ +PEACE _now. With David I feel so secure. I always_ USED _to think that I +should feel circumscribed, but the_ COMPANIONSHIP'S _so wonderful that I +don't want anything more. At least, I want to have children--lots and +lots of them; and I want David to go on loving me, as he does now; and I +want it always to be summer. But I wouldn't change David for any one in +the world; and I wouldn't be_ NOT _married._ + +"_Looking back on it all, I don't_ REGRET _anything and I suppose I +enjoyed myself, but it seems rather hollow now. We shall lead a very +quiet, humdrum life and we shall be frightfully poor, but I think that's +where the_ PEACE _comes in. If I'd married poor Jim--though I know he'd +have been the most adoring husband--I don't believe the privilege of +being 'the beautiful Lady Loring' (if anybody had troubled to call me +that!) would have compensated all the ceremony and fuss. I never felt a +thousandth part of the love for Jim that I feel for David. I suppose +that's the difference. All I ask now is to have David's love for ever +and to give him every ounce of mine and to make our lives one. It's a +silly thing to say, but, before I married, I never imagined how +extraordinarily two lives DO become one. We each of us know what the +other's thinking of; we carry on conversations where we only seem to_ +SPEAK _one sentence in three--everything else is understood. My dear, we +are so happy! You know how I love you, Babs; I only hope that you'll be +as happy as I am._" + +For all its irritating italics and ill-defined emotion, the letter +unsettled Barbara. She, too, would like to have children--"lots and lots +of them"; the papers pretended that this was an age-old world-instinct +and that Woman--in the abstract--was being impelled by an abstract +Nature to repair the life-wastage of the war; hence they deduced the +absurd scandal of the "war-babies," thus they explained the abundant +crop of "war weddings." Barbara's intelligence rebelled against +world-instincts as much as against abstract Woman and abstract Nature. +She wanted children because she wanted something of her own to love, and +her untapped reservoir of devotion had overflowed when she was nursing +the boys who pretended that nothing was the matter, when she could see +their eyelids flickering with pain. She yearned to lay their heads on +her breast and tell them to cry because it would do them good and +because she wanted to comfort them. + +And she did not see why Sonia should have so much happiness.... "_We +were married.... We've been so frightfully busy.... We shall lead a very +quiet, humdrum life and we shall be frightfully poor.... We each of us +know what the other's thinking of...._" Barbara writhed at the +possessive, participating plural. She was ready to be poor and to live a +quiet humdrum life, if she could share it; she appreciated the _peace_ +of marriage, so often underlined by Sonia, because it was what she +hungered to feel. Eight months had passed since Jack went abroad, twelve +since they parted. When she heard that he had been home on leave without +communicating with her, she felt sure that he would never communicate +with her; but, when the war ended, she must tender her promise again. In +the meantime she might fall in love with some one else.... + +The memory of Jack in the banqueting-hall at Chepstow was replaced by a +picture in which he stood, silent and forbidding, between her and some +one whom she strove passionately to reach. The image haunted her until +she jettisoned her last fragments of pride and wrote to him again. + +"_I sent you a letter nearly a year ago and I have never had an +answer_," she began. "_I don't think you can have read it, because it +would be such a horribly cruel way of punishing me, if you read it and +paid no attention. I don't think I asked for mercy or forgiveness, +because I didn't deserve either; but, though I behaved unforgivably, I_ +DIDN'T _appreciate until it was too late quite what I was doing and +quite how much you loved me. I don't want you to think I'm_ EXCUSING +_myself; I want you to understand that perhaps I do appreciate rather +better now and that I'm ready, as I was then, to do anything in the +world that you ask. I've taken a solemn oath. You may accept it +generously or refuse it generously; or, if you like, you can just +humiliate me--you know I'm vain and you know that's where you can punish +me best. Don't play with me! Sometimes I think I'm going out of my mind. +I want you to be just and, if you can, to be generous; it will be +generosity, if you are able to say that you forgive me, and it will be +justice, if you remember that I apologize and ask to be forgiven and +offer to do anything that you want--and that there's nothing more I_ CAN +_do. I don't_ DESERVE _consideration, but I need it_." + +Barbara knew that she was too uncertain of herself to trust her own +judgement, and the letter was put aside until her mood of abject +humility had passed. When she read it again, the terms of her own +abasement set her cheeks flaming, but there was no other way of winning +peace. She allowed five days for the letter to reach him and another +five days for a reply. For the first two nights she never slept; on the +third day Dr. Gaisford was summoned, and that afternoon she was +despatched to the sea for another three weeks' rest. While there, the +tenth day came and went without any reply. Barbara added an eleventh, +because letters lost a day in forwarding. It was no less barren than its +predecessors, but news came in an unexpected form on the twelfth. + +"_George has been dining_," wrote Lady Crawleigh, "_and I'm sorry to +say that he was once again the bearer of bad nexus. Poor Jack Waring is +the latest. He is reported missing. George had it from the family, +though it hasn't appeared in the papers as yet, and he told us in case +we wanted to send a line of sympathy. I don't know Mrs. Waring, of +course, but I felt I had to tell how sorry we all were. She replied at +once with what I thought was a very brave letter. It's a great shock, +but she's quite convinced that he's all right. Well, I'm afraid that, +after our dear Jim's death, I don't put any faith in these 'missing' +cases...._" + +Before she got to the end of her mother's letter, Barbara knew that her +first and strongest feeling was relief, though she dared not put it into +words. She wondered for the thousandth time why she had allowed Jack to +gain so strong an influence over her, then ceased wondering for fear of +persuading herself that perhaps, after all, she had loved him.... And, +if there _were_ immortal souls, if a man died with a lie to God still +unexpiated.... + +On her return to London she sought details from Oakleigh, but he could +only tell her that the company had been almost entirely wiped out. Two +subalterns were reported to be prisoners; but the Warings had received +no news of Jack, nor did the subalterns mention him. + +"I'm afraid he's gone, too," George sighed. Then he took her hand and +pressed it gently. "I can't say anything that will do any good----" + +"When will they know for certain?" Barbara interrupted. She was shocked +to find him treating this as her exclusive, personal loss. + +"Well, you never know for certain until some one reports that he's +actually seen him dead. That, of course, was what happened with Jim. +Until then, I suppose, one _is_ justified in hoping...." + + + + +CHAPTER FOURTEEN + +THE ANSWER OF THE ORACLE + + "Why, which of those who say they disbelieve, + Your clever people, but has dreamed his dream, + Caught his coincidence, stumbled on his fact + He can't explain, (he'll tell you smilingly) + Which he's too much of a philosopher + To count as supernatural, indeed, + So calls a puzzle and problem, proud of it + Bidding you still be on your guard, you know, + Because one fact don't make a system stand, + Nor prove this an occasional escape + Of spirit beneath the matter: that's the way! + Just so wild Indians picked up, piece by piece, + The fact in California, the fine gold + That underlay the gravel--hoarded these, + But never made a system stand, nor dug! + So wise men hold out in each hollowed palm + A handful of experience, sparkling fact + They can't explain; and since their rest of life + Is all explainable, what proof in this?" + + ROBERT BROWNING: 'MR. SLUDGE, "THE MEDIUM."' + + +It was not until his name appeared in the Roll of Honour as "missing" +that Barbara appreciated how eagerly discussed she and Jack had been. +The discreet sympathy of her relations would have been bewildering if +Lady Knightrider had not explained it. + +"I hurried round the moment I had the news! My darling child, you've got +to be very brave!" she faltered. "I know what you and Jack were to each +other." + +"Aunt Kathleen, I don't think I can talk about this," Barbara +interrupted quietly. + +"No...? It sometimes helps. I was always very fond of dear Jack, and +you _know_ how I love you! But I only came to tell you that you mustn't +give up hope----" + +"Thank you, dear!" + +Barbara realized suddenly that she was being forced into an assumed +intimacy which would have been comic at any other time. It was +impossible, however, to begin explaining to Lady Knightrider. + +"Did you see him when he was home on leave?" her aunt continued with the +persistency of one who, having come to harrow and to be harrowed, did +not propose to be baulked. + +"I've not seen him since that time a year ago." + +"Ah, no! You've both been so busy. His poor parents----" + +"They're the people to be sorry for," said Barbara. + +"Darling, you're quite wonderful!" + +Barbara had used the words to deflect the conversation from herself, but +her aunt gave her credit for such stoicism that she took a step towards +the door for fear that in another moment she would break into a scream. +Lady Knightrider followed her, and in the hall they met George Oakleigh, +embarrassed and trying to carry off his embarrassment with an air of +earnest bustle. + +"I'm absolutely at a loose end to-night, Barbara," he began. "I believe +somebody must have made peace or something; the Admiralty's not been as +slack as this since the first day of the war. I wondered whether you'd +care to come and have dinner somewhere." + +"It's sweet of you, George, but I've promised to dine with Aunt Eleanor +and Amy. Is to-morrow any good to you?" + +"I believe I'm dining out, but I can scratch that. Yes, to-morrow. I'll +come and pick you up about eight. Now I must simply fly!" + +"Back to work? I thought things were so slack?" + +"M'yes, I said that, didn't I?" + +"And it served its purpose. They'll be slack whenever I say that I want +you; and you'll sit up half the night afterwards. Thank you, George. But +I wish you didn't make me feel so horribly unworthy of your sweetness." + +He turned away and fidgetted with the badge of his cap. + +"'Sweetness' be blowed! This war's such a ghastly business.... Sometimes +one wants a little companionship. I'm glad you can come to-morrow. Keep +a brave heart, Barbara." + +It seemed sacrilegious to accept so much sympathy, and, as he hurried +into Berkeley Street, she was tempted to run after him and explain. Once +she read of some one who murdered a man and went to the widowed mother +to confess his crime; his delicacy in telling her of the death caused +him to be regarded as her son's dearest friend, and, when the murder +went undiscovered, the murderer accepted the situation and attended the +funeral as chief mourner, with the widowed mother leaning on his arm.... +If Lady Knightrider and George fancied that she had loved Jack, she must +accept the situation; it might be sacrilegious, but, on the other hand, +if any one said "Did you love Jack Waring?" she could not honestly give +a categorical "No."... + +And there would be more sympathy--and sacrilege--at dinner. Barbara knew +that she had only been invited that Lady Loring and Amy might try to +comfort her. Neither referred to Jack by name; but they were more gently +affectionate than usual, and she was left to discuss him or not, as she +liked. Lady Loring told of the steps which she had taken and the offices +which she had approached to gain tidings of her son. George had set +enquiries on foot through the Spanish and American Embassies, the +Vatican and The Hague; but they were barely instituted, when the War +Office received indisputable evidence of death. + +"Connie Maitland was very anxious for me to go to a clairvoyant," Amy +put in. "She says Mrs. Savage in Knightsbridge is wonderful. When her +boy was wounded--before she heard about it--she had a sort of +presentiment that something was wrong, so she went there, and Mrs. +Savage told her that he was wounded but that it wasn't serious. I +believe she actually said that he was wounded in the head, but Connie +may have added that." + +"Did you try her?" asked Barbara. + +"No." Amy hesitated and looked uncomfortable. "I'm always afraid.... I +believe, if we were _meant_ to have that kind of knowledge it would come +to us in some other way.... And, if anything terrible's going to happen +to me, I'd sooner not hear about it beforehand." + +Barbara whispered the name to herself and determined, if need be, to +find out more about the woman. Since her tragic _séance_ in Webster's +flat, she had decided to play with fire no more; but she could never +forget the sight of Jack Summertown, staring a little glassily but +speaking with his natural voice and talking so freely of an imminent war +and of his own approaching death that none dared tell him what he had +said. It might be coincidence that his name had appeared in the first +casualty list; but more than coincidence was needed to explain why he +should have talked at all of a future war. + +"But uncertainty's the most terrible thing of all," Barbara murmured. + +"It _has_ to be borne," said Lady Loring gently, after a pause. "And +sometimes for a long time." + +Barbara nodded. It was useless to tell them that she had already waited +a year to find out whether Jack wanted to marry her. + +The next night she dined with George Oakleigh, who told her that he had +taken tickets for Eric Lane's play. + +"Oh, George, I don't know that I _want_ to go to a theatre," she said +doubtfully. "I've not been for so long----" + +"Isn't that all the more reason? You're the best unpaid dramatic critic +in London; and I want to know what you think of it. Eric's a great +friend of mine. I particularly want you to meet him.... Don't come, if +you'd rather not. But I've got a box, and, if the play bores you more +than my conversation, we can talk in peace." + +They compromised by arriving late, but Barbara was not in the mood to +enjoy herself. It was a well-constructed play with dialogue of +distinction and a good sense of the theatre; the characterization, she +complained, was insufferably romantic. + +"I congratulate your friend on a great commercial success," she said, +"but I don't want to meet him. Listen to the applause! Every single +character is so unmistakably labelled that the audience greets them like +old friends. The theatre's so conventional that, if you tried to shew +men and women who were higher _and_ lower than stage standards, the +critics would say that your characters were freaks. On the stage a woman +may be jealous or high-minded or a mixture or a saint or a +thorough-going, melodramatic villainess, but she's always a child, a +kitten. Men idealize us so hopelessly! We're dear little fluffy, rather +silly things, with silly little mental kinks of vanity or motherliness; +no man understands how mean a woman can be, the lies she'll tell and the +crimes she'll commit from motives which she'd be afraid to confess. Your +friend Mr. Lane has never met a woman." + +"You're hard on your sex," George commented. + +Barbara shook her head sadly. + +"I've seen it--without its rouge and powder. Look here, Sonia's a friend +of yours and of mine; we both know how she behaved to Jim, but you'd +never dare put her into a play, because the audience won't accept +anything that offends against its standard of human dignity, it won't +accept realism which makes people unconventionally mean, it won't +believe that any one who's pretty enough to attract can have a really +deceitful, petty spirit. Sonia was getting rather a bad name before the +war, but she marries a man who's lost his sight, and every one says that +the other part was just froth and that this is the true, noble +Sonia--just as nine women out of ten become true and noble at the final +curtain. Sonia married that man for effect!" + +"I don't think you can have seen them together," George suggested. + +"If it pays, a woman can always make herself think she's in love with a +man--for a time. I daresay she thought she was in love with Jim; it +would have been a sensational marriage, and she'd just made a fool of +herself with that other man, the barrister. This, in another way, is a +sensational marriage, and she feels she's justified herself. It's no +good shaking your head, George; you don't know what romances a girl +makes up for herself. _I_ should do it. As long as women are exposed for +sale in a shop-window, they'll do anything to keep up their price. They +think it's self-respect; and you men admire them for their pride." + +George drew her hand through his arm and walked to Berkeley Square +without speaking. From her unwonted bitterness he guessed that she was +trying to harden herself in advance for the news of Jack's death; every +one had to choose his own form of consolation. + +"When will you dine with me again?" she asked, as they reached her +house. + +"I'm going to the Abbey for the week-end. Any time after that." + +"Then what about Monday? I'll pick you up at the same time." + +When the day came round, Lady Crawleigh telephoned to say that the +dinner must be postponed, as Barbara was ill in bed. She had fainted in +the train and would have to take a complete rest; no plans had yet been +made, no details or explanation were vouchsafed. Indeed, Barbara would +only say that she had found herself stretched on the seat of the railway +carriage, while a strange man forced brandy between her lips. + +Any fuller report would have increased the already excessive alarm. The +bare facts were that Barbara had entered the train at Crawleigh and +remembered nothing until she recovered consciousness a few miles from +Farnborough. A young man, who explained that he had got in at +Winchester, had picked her up from the floor and taken charge of her +until her maid appeared at Waterloo. + +When she had been put to bed, Barbara began to recall and reconstruct +forgotten incidents. She had felt giddy and had tried to open the +window.... At Waterloo the young man had insisted on carrying her, and +she had protested that she was too heavy. "I'll take great care of +you."... "You are very good to me."... Scraps of their conversation +floated through her head, and she remembered that he had a caressing +voice which soothed her; they had talked, but she was three parts +asleep. Half-way along the platform, he put her to rest on a seat. "I'm +supposed to have an overstrained heart," he told her, "so I don't like +to take liberties with it." Barbara tried to see his face; but he was +bending over her, and the light was behind him. And then he had +disappeared before she could thank him. "I do hope you'll be all right. +I've given your maid my flask in case you want any more brandy. +Good-bye." Barbara remembered making a great effort to rouse herself and +look at him; but he had dived into the crowd without even telling her +his name. The flask was engraved with a monogram which seemed to be E. +L.; that and his voice were her only clues. + +In her oversensitive condition, the voice was haunting. When she fell +asleep, Barbara heard it again; and in the morning she gave orders that, +if he called for the flask, he was to be asked his name and address. +Then she tried to remember whether she had told him anything which would +enable him to identify her; there was a label on her dressing-case, but +he might not have seen it; as soon as her maid and car appeared, he had +no need to ask where she lived. Barbara felt a pang of disappointment at +the thought that she might not meet him again. Two days passed, and no +one enquired for the flask; she decided to wait until she was allowed +out of bed and then to advertise in the _Times_. "E. L. Will the +gentleman who rendered assistance to a lady who was taken ill on the +3.40 p. m. between Winchester and Waterloo communicate...." + +She was drafting the advertisement when her mother came into the room. + +"My darling, you oughtn't to be writing," protested Lady Crawleigh. "Let +me do it for you, if it's important." + +"Oh, it doesn't matter," Barbara answered. + +She tore up the paper and lay back in bed. There was nothing to conceal, +but she did not want to talk about her nameless and mysterious rescuer. +Every one would laugh at her, if she said that she had fallen in love +with a voice; and, if she chose to weave a romance for herself, it +passed the time and was no one else's business. When the advertisement +appeared, "E. L." would write to a numbered box at the _Times_ office; +she would ask him to call so that she could thank him in person. And a +charming friendship might result. No one could have carried her more +tenderly or behaved more delightfully.... And, as long as she amused +herself with speculating about him, she could avoid thinking of other +things. + +"George has brought you some flowers. He wants to know if you feel up to +seeing him," said Lady Crawleigh. + +"Oh, George! Yes!" + +He was almost the only one of her friends whom she was willing to meet +in her present mood, though his arrival interrupted the romance which +she was constructing. He was also the only one of her friends who knew +or had troubled to find out that she was ill. Apparently he was fond of +her.... And she was quite ready to be fond of him. + +"I hope you're better," he began. "I mustn't stay more than a moment, +but I saw some roses in a shop and I thought they were as good an excuse +as any other." + +"You felt you needed an excuse?" + +"I wanted very much to see you; and I hoped these might mollify your +mother. Babs, I thought you might like to know that I met Colonel Waring +to-day and we're having some enquiries made through the American +Embassy. Jack was such a friend of us all...." he added vaguely. + +"Oh, I do hope that they'll be able to hear something." + +"Yes." George looked round the room and held out his hand. "I promised +your mother I wouldn't do more than put my nose in at the door." + +"But I _want_ you to stay!" + +"And, dearest Babs, you know that's what I want to do more than anything +in the world. But I mustn't tire you, and you mustn't tempt me." He +lifted her hands from the sheets and bent quickly to kiss them. "You +poor child!" + +Barbara felt that this time she must explain, if she was not to be +maddened with sympathy. + +"You mustn't pity me, George," she began. + +"I pity any one who's in suspense.... The colonel's absolutely convinced +that Jack's all right. Good-bye, Babs." + +As he turned abruptly and hurried out of the room, Barbara covered her +eyes. George was not only fond of her, he was in love with her; and he +had come on purpose to encourage her, against his own interests, with +hopes of Jack's safety. There was a dramatic irony in his coming; there +would be a further dramatic irony, if she fell in love with him for his +sympathy about Jack and then heard that Jack was safe and sound. Or, +indeed, if she fell in love with any one else. Because she was +overwrought and full of fancies, the shadow of the man in the train was +more real than George's substance; the one voice she could remember and +reproduce, but George's might have belonged to anybody.... This was her +old fear of the punishment which Providence had in store for her, the +image of herself passionately reaching out towards some one and finding +her way barred by Jack's inexorable ghost. + +Suspense. "I pity any one who's in suspense."... It was the uncertainty +of the last year which had worn down her strength. And Lady Loring told +her to be patient.... Barbara's mind went back to her dinner of a week +before and to Amy's chance reference to a new clairvoyant. Mrs. Savage +of Knightsbridge.... No other address had been given, but she could find +that from Sonia. All her life Barbara had treated impulse as a thing to +be welcomed, a hint from destiny, a voice from the darkness. When she +awoke next morning, it was to wonder why she had waited so long. On the +first day that she was allowed out of the house she went by herself to +Knightsbridge and asked, without giving her name, for an interview. + +At another time the setting and her own preparations would have amused +her. By putting on her most inconspicuous dress and hat, by veiling +herself and by sinking her voice to a whisper, she trusted to escape +recognition; unconsciously she also induced in her own mind a mysterious +expectancy, which was intensified by the atmosphere of the room into +which she was shewn. There were no windows, and it was lighted from the +ceiling; three low couches ran round the walls, which were covered with +yellow silk hangings; occasionally the hangings moved weirdly, as though +some one were peeping behind them. Though there were three women already +waiting, they were as silent as if, they were watching by the dead; and +it had been ingeniously arranged that, while they waited, there should +be nothing to distract their attention from the coming invocation of the +unknown. They, too, were dressed inconspicuously; they, too, wore thick +veils; and the suggestion of stealth and mystery, which they had +received from the room and from those whom they had found there, they +handed on to the newcomer. + +Barbara's nerves were still unstrung, and she had less control of +herself than in the old days when she went to the Baroness Kohnstadt's +_séances_; then she had gone to be thrilled, but now she was tempted to +tell the maid that she could not wait and would come back some other +time. But, if she ran away, the other women would guess the reason, and +she could never allow another woman to know that she was frightened.... + +They were staring at her from behind their veils, and she stared coolly +back at them until the maid returned and whispered to one that Mrs. +Savage could now see her. The hangings moved again; it might have been +the draught from the open door, or Mrs. Savage might be having a +preliminary look at her clients; certainly it was disquieting, for no +one liked to be watched without seeing the watcher.... When next the +maid came in, Barbara looked at the clock and noted that interviews +lasted for half an hour. She wondered what method the clairvoyant +followed--and became suddenly sceptical and disgusted with the whole +enterprise. She had done it so often before! Her hand had been read, her +character told from her writing; one woman had taken her handkerchief +and pressed it to her forehead, another had stared raptly into the +time-honoured crystal ball; she had tried _planchette_ and rappings; and +from it all she had won nothing but an afternoon's excitement.... + +It was five o'clock; the last of the women had gone, and Barbara was +alone. She pretended to examine the embroidery of the silk hangings and +contrived to look behind them, but there was nothing more alarming than +an expanse of discoloured plaster. Nerves, again.... But the silence and +the waiting were hard to bear; the room was hot, Barbara wanted tea, and +one of the women had been using a cheap, disagreeable scent which +lingered intolerably. Nothing but a refusal to yield to her fear kept +her from running away. She was trying to determine what questions she +would ask the clairvoyant, when the maid returned. + +"Mrs. Savage says she can see your ladyship now." + +Barbara started and nearly cried out; but the maid was watching her, and +she passed through the door with elaborate outward unconcern. The +second room was similar to the first, for, though there was a window, it +was thickly curtained, and the only light came from a standard lamp in +one corner. For a moment Barbara could see no one; then Mrs. Savage came +forward in a yellow dress which was invisible against the silk hangings. +She wore a low yellow turban, covering her hair and half her forehead, +and stood with her back to the light. + +"Good afternoon, Lady Barbara," she said. "Won't you take off your +veil?" + +The voice was unfamiliar, but after a moment Mrs. Savage lighted a +cigarette and shewed cavernous dark eyes and an aquiline nose set in a +curiously narrow face which looked as if the cheek-bones had been +crushed together. + +"Madame Hilary!" + +"Won't you have a cigarette?" + +She held out a case, and Barbara took one to gain time. So much had +happened since the meeting in Webster's room that it no longer troubled +her. The woman was certainly a blackmailer, as she had almost proved +when she went to Lord Crawleigh and asked for "temporary assistance." +There would, of course, be a terrible scene, if it were ever discovered +that Barbara had been to her again, and Mrs. Savage would quite possibly +threaten blackmail, if she saw her course clear. On the other hand, now +as before, the relative positions were equally strong and equally weak; +if she even hinted at a threat, she could be reported to the police.... +After the two hours of dreary waiting, Barbara felt stimulated by the +prospect of an encounter. + +"I never imagined it was you," she said. + +"What may I have the honour of doing for you?" asked Mrs. Savage. + +Barbara thought for a moment of saying vaguely that she had made a +mistake and of escaping as soon as possible. But after the strain of +waiting she now felt deliciously free from fear. And "Mrs. Savage" or +"Madame Hilary" was not as other clairvoyants; the incident of Jack +Summertown proved that; and the opportunity of consulting her was too +good to be thrown away. Barbara felt that she was not entitled to throw +it away; had she not almost been guided there? Was it coincidence that +Amy Loring, of all unlikely people, should have given her the name at +all? Was it coincidence that, when there were scores of women plying the +same trade, she should come straight and without choice or deliberation +to this one?... + +"I'd heard about you," Barbara explained. "I didn't know who it was, of +course, but I wanted to consult you." + +She hesitated and tried to determine what she wanted. + +"Yes?" + +"I didn't know who it was," Barbara repeated. "But I'm glad to find it +_is_ you. Do you remember the man in Mr. Webster's flat?" + +"Lord Summertown?" + +"Yes. Do you remember what you told him?" + +"I told him nothing. It was what _he_ said." + +"Well, yes. He said that he was going to die quite soon, that he was +going to be killed in a war. Well, that was months before there was any +talk of war. Do you know what's happened to him?" + +Mrs. Savage shrugged her shoulders a little impatiently, as though such +questions were a waste of time. + +"He was killed in the war," she said. + +She spoke as if she took credit for it, and Barbara shivered. + +"Yes.... I saw him just before he went back to barracks. I never saw him +again, but I _felt_ then that he was going to be killed. How did you +know?" + +"He told me, as you heard." + +"Yes, but...." + +Barbara frowned and sat down, rubbing her forehead gently with her hand. + +"_I_ tell nothing, but I persuade people to tell me," explained Mrs. +Savage with unconcealed boredom. As she dropped back into the part of +"Madame Hilary," "Mrs. Savage" was reviving her old staccato English and +giving it a hint of a foreign accent. "People come to me to find out +whether their sons and husbands are going to be killed. _I_ do not know. +And I tell them so. Then sometimes they allow me to persuade _them_ to +tell _me_. And, in my turn, I can tell them what they have said. But, +generally, no! They are afraid of hearing the truth. When their sons and +husbands have been killed, when nothing has been heard of them since +long, _then_ they come, because they feel that the truth is less hard +than the waiting. You have a brother?" + +"They're still waiting to go out," answered Barbara. + +"And you want to know? I can only tell you, if you tell me first; and +you can only tell me, if you know. The lines of life are interlocked. If +their lines cross yours, then you know; but, if they are separated.... +You understand? It is not likely that you know anything of a man at the +other end of the world, whom you have never met, unless it has been +ordained that you are to meet him. That is reasonable." + +She lighted another cigarette and sat down, looking at Barbara with no +apparent interest. + +"You want to find out about some one whose life has crossed yours?" she +resumed carelessly, and her indifference was more disconcerting than +either her stereotyped mysticism or the hostility which she had shewn +when Barbara came into the room. + +"I want to find out _generally_," answered Barbara. "All about myself. +What I've done and what I'm doing now doesn't matter, but I want to know +about the future." + +Mrs. Savage laughed and shook her head. + +"I know your name," she said. "I know who you are, but I know very +little about you. I imagine that your life has been very happy, you have +had everything to make it happy. Perhaps it will not always be happy. +If you learned that you were going to be very ill or die----" + +"I've got to die some time. When I'm seventy-five, I shall know that I'm +going to die very soon, because hardly any one lives longer than that. +I'm twenty-two now, and I don't in the least mind knowing that I _can't_ +live for more than about another fifty years." + +"But, if it were five years? I do not know, of course." + +"I'd sooner face it, I think." + +Mrs. Savage threw away her cigarette impatiently. + +"You're a child! And a silly child! Your friend, Lord Summertown--well, +I suppose none of you told him what he had said. And I suppose he +enjoyed his life to the end. The _whole_ future! Would you like to know +that you will marry in a year and be happy and lose your husband after +three months and lose your child and marry again--perhaps, this time, +some one who will not make you happy? And that then you will have an +illness or this or that?... I am talking for your good, because you are +nothing but a silly child. I _tell_ you that people will not be +persuaded to say to me all they know; they dare not face it. Their +present and future happiness----" + +"I'm not so very happy," sighed Barbara. + +"You are a child. And your friends are being killed, perhaps some one +whom you love----" + +"I want to _know_," Barbara interrupted. "Everything's in such a muddle, +I want to know what's going to happen...." She paused, but Mrs. Savage +only shook her head. "Should I know what I was telling you? No! Lord +Summertown didn't. Well, you need only tell me back the things that +matter. If you ask me questions and I answer them.... Perhaps I _don't_ +want to know if I'm going to die within a year, but there are all sorts +of things that I could quite well be told.... Will you do that? Just the +things that matter?" + +"But I do not know what matters to you. Do you mean, whether +your--friends will come through the war without injury?" + +"Ye-es. That sort of thing. I want to know if I'm going to be _happy_. +Generally." + +"And you believe that I can help you?" Mrs. Savage's voice was changing +its quality to a sleepy drone, and Barbara found herself looking into +her eyes. "Only you can tell me what you think will _make_ you happy. I +know nothing about you except what you tell me. Perhaps you are in love +with some man, perhaps you think that he is in danger.... If you will +tell me...." + +Barbara never knew at what point she began to come under the influence +of Mrs. Savage's eyes and voice. At one moment she was begging her to +use her powers, at another she was talking very volubly; it was like a +dream in which she fancied herself making a speech; words were pouring +out of her, and she was astonished to find that they made the nonsense +of words in a dream. "The distinction between the articles in +counterpoint, if you think of heliotrope quite accidentally +included...." + +"What have I been saying?" she demanded. + +Mrs. Savage leaned back wearily and closed her eyes. + +"It is like that, when you return to yourself, to the present.... Lord +Summertown was disturbed by that poor girl who cried out." + +"But I didn't know.... Did I go off? How long...?" She looked at her +watch and found that she had been in the room for three-quarters of an +hour. "What did I say?" + +"You were a good subject." + +"But what did I say?" Barbara repeated. It was the sight of her watch +that upset her. In forty-five minutes it was possible to say so much, +and she remembered Jack Summertown's almost indecent want of restraint. + +"What shall I tell you," mused Mrs. Savage. "You said much, but you +described an empty life. Few lines crossed yours; there may be more to +come.... But you did not tell me of any loss. Were you afraid of losing +some one?" + +"No.... I wanted to know, I wanted to--to straighten things out. But I +want to know everything I said. You _must_ tell me that." + +"You child!" + +Barbara sprang up in a grip of terror. + +"I've said something awful? You're hiding something from me! It's not +fair!" + +Mrs. Savage shook her head slowly. She seemed perplexed, and her early +hostility had evaporated until she was almost kindly. + +"You wanted to know whether you would be happy," she reminded Barbara. +"You tell me that you are not going to die this year or next; and you +are not going to have any painful or dangerous illnesses. Happy?... +There are ups and downs of happiness, you cannot expect to be happy +always at the same level. If you have been happy so far, you will be +happy again; there will, of course, be ups and downs. What else?" + +"I want you to tell me everything I said." + +"That I shall not do." + +"But why not?" + +Mrs. Savage shrugged her shoulders. + +"It would not make you any happier. If there is any one thing you want +to know...." + +Barbara looked at her and looked away. She felt her nerve going. + +"What is your fee?" she asked. + +Mrs. Savage was still perplexed in expression, but her eyes had lost +their momentary softening of kindliness. + +"I shall charge _you_--no fee," she answered. + +Barbara turned and ran out of the room. + + + + +CHAPTER FIFTEEN + +PRELUDE TO ROMANCE + + "I loved you all my life; but some lives never meet + Though they go wandering side by side through Time." + + JOHN MASEFIELD: "THE DAFFODIL FIELDS." + + +"_Fatalism is a doctrine which does not recognise the determination of +all events by causes in the ordinary sense; holding, on the contrary, +that a certain foreordained result will come about, no matter what may +be done to prevent it...._" + +Barbara's first action on reaching home was to go into the library and +consult a dictionary to find out the exact meaning of a word which she +had been repeating to herself ever since she hurried out of Mrs. +Savage's rooms. She had many new ideas to fit into place, but dominating +them all was this sense of hopelessness and inevitability. Whether you +walked on the north pavement or the south was preordained; if you +asserted your supposed free will and crossed from south to north, even +that pitiful show of independence was preordained; God was still pushing +you from behind and, probably, laughing at you--as you laughed at the +kitten which stared at you with head on one side and wondering eyes, to +know what you had done with its reel of cotton. It was preordained that +you should play with that kitten for a moment in eternity and that for a +fraction of a moment you should hide the reel. Fatalism was paralyzing +to the soul, destroying all effort. Nothing mattered any longer.... + +It was Summertown who had made her a fatalist. His life had been mapped +out until all initiative was taken away. He had died very gallantly--but +he could not help himself; he had lived rather dissolutely, but he could +not help himself. There had been a tragedy and a disappointment in his +life; but the tragedy was set beforehand, and Destiny decided whether he +was to be made or broken by it, whether he was to avert or contribute to +it. Fatalism was the negation of morality. It allowed of neither right +nor wrong, only necessity. + +If there were neither right nor wrong, Barbara had no cause for +self-reproach. Destiny had arranged that Jack should come into her life; +that he should anger her and that she should try to punish him; in +obeying Destiny she was not to blame. But, if fatalism relieved her of +responsibility, it also robbed her of resistance; she could do nothing +to shield herself from anything that Destiny might have in store for +her. Nothing had shielded Summertown when he came within range of the +first German bullet.... + +And the course of Destiny could be laid bare. Though for long she had +not believed it, she and the others had known what would happen to +Summertown, as Mrs. Savage now knew what would happen to her.... And she +had been afraid to insist on being told. All her life she had fancied +that she was a free spirit with head and hands to make herself what she +pleased. Now she was content to be told that, on the whole, she was +preordained to be happy.... Or so Mrs. Savage had thought fit to say; +she might be hiding something; there was no obvious reason why she +refused her fee. + +"My darling, haven't you gone up to dress yet?" said Lady Crawleigh at +the door of the library. "You'll be so dreadfully late!" + +Barbara knew that whether she was late or punctual had been preordained. +Her mother probably would not believe that; she would feel that every +one had enough free will not to keep other people waiting for dinner. + +"I think I should like to dine in bed," she answered wearily. + +"Aren't you feeling well?" + +"I'm not equal to meeting a lot of people." + +"But it's only George and the O'Ranes and one or two more. They'll be so +disappointed. And it's the first time Sonia's dined here since she was +married." + +Barbara got up and walked reluctantly to the door. It was preordained, +then, that she should dine.... Once you accepted predestination, there +was no limit to its application. Her maid wanted her to wear a grey +dress, but she preferred something else, anything else; her choice fell +on a blue, but she was conscious that she was compelled from outside to +choose one rather than the other. She could not be troubled to decide +what jewellery she would wear; Destiny must do a little work, must +choose for her. She felt that she was scoring a point against Destiny, +when she refused to wear any; but Destiny had decided beforehand that +she was to have this moment's struggle before deciding not to wear +any.... + +Her maid was almost in tears at such indifference. + +"You don't do me credit, my lady, to-night," she complained. + +"Don't I? I'm sorry, Merton! But I'm tired, I can't take the trouble." + +"Your hair, my lady----" + +"I think I shall cut it off! It's only a bother." + +"My lady, your beautiful hair?" + +"No, I shan't cut it off. It's too much trouble. Everything's too much +trouble." + +She hardly looked at herself in the glass before going downstairs, +though she knew that Sonia O'Rane would have spent hours in preparing +herself. But it was preordained whether she looked well ... or wanted to +look well. + +Throughout dinner her mind struggled under the incubus. Predestination +peeped round every conversational corner, explaining and stultifying +everything. When O'Rane spoke sympathetically of Jim Loring's death, she +answered almost callously that it must have been preordained. Since +leaving Mrs. Savage, she had tried vainly to discover some point in +which she was superior to an animal that was born at the stockman's +bidding, to be killed for lamb or shorn for wool or kept to bear other +sheep at the stockman's bidding and ultimately killed for mutton. + +"You see, I believe in Destiny," Barbara explained. "Destiny meant you +to be wounded and Jim to be killed and some one else to be untouched. If +Destiny didn't mean me to be burned, I could put my finger in the flame +of that candle. Everything we do----" + +O'Rane shook his head and laughed. + +"You don't believe that, Lady Barbara. You don't believe that you've no +choice whether you're good or bad, kind or unkind--that you're +helpless." + +"I am waiting for you to find fault with my logic," she answered. + +"I won't try. I wish I could see you, though! You sound serious, but in +the old days, when I looked at you, there was a sort of etherealized +smile----" + +"Ah, don't!" Barbara shivered. + +"----It gave you away.... I'm sorry! I'm getting so used to being blind +that I forget other people's feelings.... Your voice is quite serious, +and I'm getting wonderful at voices. Shall I tell you something about +yours? A change I've noticed?" He waited to assure himself that they +were not overheard. "Lady Barbara, are you very unhappy about something? +It's not curiosity; I want to help, if I can. When you're blind, you +become a bit of an impressionist. If any one asked me to describe you, +I'm glad to say that I can still remember exactly what you used to look +like, but, when I describe you to myself, I get a massing of colours, a +glorious freedom of line that no one else might recognize for you. Your +voice would make me crowd my canvas with red, blood red. Pain is always +red to me. And you give me the impression of horrible pain. More than +that, I'm afraid you've giving in to it. I don't ask for your +confidence, but, if I'm right, I should like to help." + +Barbara was too much startled to do more than thank him and say that she +was not very well. + +"Ah, that was a pity!" he sighed. + +"But I can't help it, can I?" + +"It was a pity to say that. You've covered my picture with a thin +grey-yellow wash--Thames water--which dulls my colours." + +"Do you mean that I'm not speaking the truth?" she asked stiffly. + +"I had no right to say what I did," he answered apologetically. "But you +sounded so heart-broken." + +"Well, in addition to being not very well, I'm _not_ particularly happy. +Life's such a hopeless thing, if you can't control it." + +"And _you_ say that, Lady Barbara, with your brains and your looks and +your health and your money----" + +"Even if I've got them all, they needn't make me happy.... They _don't_! +Sometimes I feel that, if I could give them all up, if I could make one +gigantic sacrifice, I might be happy.... You're not sorry to have been +fighting, are you? But I wonder what equal sacrifice a woman can make." + +"Ah, to die with credit is the easiest thing in the world," O'Rane +answered, as he pushed back his chair. + +When she was half-way upstairs, Barbara excused herself and went to her +room. Sonia and her husband were so happy that their happiness hurt +her; she grudged it them. There was no reason under heaven why she +should not be as happy, but Destiny had not yet ordained it. Perhaps +Destiny had decided that she should see it for a moment and then have it +snatched from her. It was a variant of her old fear that she would have +to marry Jack and then fall in love with some one else; then she had +regarded such a fate as her punishment. Destiny, she now felt, did not +concern itself with rewards and punishments; it was altogether too +arbitrary. + +She lay on her bed without undressing and thought over the day's +emotions. Of all that she had done she only regretted her momentary +panic when she ran away from Mrs. Savage; and, the more she regretted +it, the more determined she became to go again and to demand full +answers to all her questions. As soon as her mind was made up, she felt +better. People might call her superstitious, gullible or anything else +they pleased, but they should not say that she was a coward. Jumping up +from the bed, she tidied her hair and went down to the drawing-room in +time to find Sonia saying good-bye. + +"Oh, don't go yet," said Barbara. "I had such a headache that I had to +lie down, but it's better now. I haven't had a moment with you the whole +evening." + +"We've promised to go to a party," Sonia answered. "To-night's the +hundred and fiftieth performance of Eric Lane's play, and he's giving a +supper on the stage. Why don't you come too?" + +"I haven't been asked. And I don't know him." + +"Oh, that doesn't matter! I don't know him, but David was up at Oxford +with him." + +"I think I'll wait until I've met him. You're not going too, George?" + +"I'm bound for the same debauch, I'm afraid. Barbara, will you dine +with me some time to meet him? I'll try to fix a night and telephone to +you in the morning." + +"I shall love that." + +She went to bed, feeling that she would sleep; but her nerves were +unsettled by the memory of her encounter with Mrs. Savage. After trying +to read, she jumped up and began walking about the room. She was never +conscious of having gone outside, but some time later she found herself +in the hall, lying on a table with a rug round her. Lady Crawleigh was +standing over her with a white face and frightened eyes; her maid +hovered in the background, with her hair in curl-papers and a grotesque +mackintosh over her nightgown. Farther away stood an unmistakable +policeman with close-cropped black hair and a line of white at the top +of his forehead. Barbara reflected that she had never before seen a +policeman without his helmet. Then she sat up and stared round her. + +"What's happened?" + +"My darling child, lie still," Lady Crawleigh implored. "How do you +feel?" + +"I'm all right." + +"You were walking in your sleep. Oh, Babs, you've given us all such a +fright! D'you know, you'd actually got outside.... Anything might have +happened to you!" + +Barbara looked from her mother to the policeman. + +"Outside?" she repeated. + +"You'd unlocked the door and pushed back both bolts--Aston's quite sure +he bolted top and bottom----" + +"And I went out like this?" Barbara interrupted. She pulled up the end +of the rug and found that she was barefooted and in her nightdress. "I +can't remember.... I went to bed; I _do_ remember that it was very hot +and that I walked about the room...." + +The policeman coughed and prepared to retire. Lady Crawleigh despatched +the maid for her purse, but Barbara was too much dazed even to thank +him. A dream which had been wonderfully vivid a moment before was fading +from her recollection, driven out scene by scene at the sound of her +mother's frightened voice. She had fancied that she was again sitting +with Mrs. Savage and that the flicker of kindliness which had for a +moment lighted up the gaunt face and smouldering dark eyes was once more +visible. In another moment everything would have been told.... + +"I suppose I was going for a walk. What's the time?" + +"It's one o'clock," answered Lady Crawleigh. "I sat up to finish some +writing.... My darling child, are you sure you're all right now?" + +Barbara stood for a moment to test her strength and then walked to the +stairs. + +"Yes, thanks. I'll go back to bed now. I'm sorry to have frightened +everybody." + +"I'll come with you, Babs. If you want anything in the night----" + +"I'm really all right!" Barbara was so much exhausted that this time she +knew she would be able to sleep. She did not know, however, what she +might say in her sleep. "You can lock both doors, mother; and I couldn't +throw myself out of the window, if I tried. I couldn't sleep, if I had +any one in the room; I should feel I was being watched." + +"But just for to-night----" + +"I shan't go to bed, unless you do what I ask." + +Lady Crawleigh knew well when it was useless to argue, and Barbara went +up alone. Mrs. Savage had called her; if the dream had not been so +rudely disturbed, she would have been able to remember the form of the +call as she still remembered its urgency. But that hardly mattered now; +she was only strengthened in her determination to go back to +Knightsbridge in the morning. She fell asleep, happier than she had been +for a year. Lady Crawleigh peeped into the room once or twice during the +night, but Barbara did not stir until the telephone-bell rang by her +bed-side at half-past nine. A strange male voice enquired for her and +seemed more than usually anxious to be certain of her identity. + +"We are Furnivall and Morton, solicitors," said the voice. "It is Mr. +Morton speaking. Is that Lady Barbara Neave?" + +"Yes." + +"You _are_--Lady Barbara Neave? You are acquainted with a client of +ours, Mrs. Savage." + +The combination of Mrs. Savage and a slightly hectoring solicitor who +insisted on speaking to her at half-past nine disconcerted Barbara. + +"What Mrs. Savage do you mean?" she asked. + +"Mrs. Savage of Knightsbridge. You called on her yesterday. I am sorry +to say that there has been a misunderstanding, and our client is in a +position of some difficulty. She gave me your name, and, after thinking +the matter over very carefully, I felt that you were the person who +could be of most service to her. Mrs. Savage assured me that you would +do anything in your power to help her, so I need not apologize for +troubling you at this rather unseasonable hour." + +The voice paused, and Barbara found herself trembling. It was not +blackmail to tell her that she would do anything in her power to help +some one but the tone could be so confident as to be menacing. Barbara +had never been brought into contact with solicitors; she knew from books +that it was prudent and legitimate to refer them to one's own +solicitors, but it would argue an uneasy conscience to be so summary +before she had given Mr. Morton time to explain himself. + +"What has happened?" she asked. + +"Some malicious person has been writing letters to the Home Office," +explained Mr. Morton, "and the long and the short of it is that it's +necessary for us to produce evidence as to character. If you would be +kind enough----" + +"But I don't know her," Barbara protested. "I've only met her twice." + +"That does not matter. One of the charges against our client is that she +trades on the credulity of ignorant people who have been made unbalanced +by the war and that, when she has got these same ignorant people into +her grasp, she extorts money from them. You and I know that such a +charge is grotesquely untrue. Our client had devoted her whole life to +the study of what I may conveniently call 'the occult'; she has never +advertised or solicited business--her peculiar powers have made that +unnecessary--and those who have consulted her, so far from being +credulous or ignorant people, are drawn to her by a common interest in a +study which, though still in its infancy, is capable of almost infinite +development." Barbara fancied that Mr. Morton must be reading aloud the +draft of the defence which he had prepared for Mrs. Savage. "We feel +that the Home Office will take a different view of the case, when +confronted with a few of the people whom the anonymous informant is good +enough to call ignorant and credulous. I am therefore collecting a few +statements from some of the very many people who consulted our client. I +shall be glad to know that you will allow me to call on you and suggest +to you the general form in which these statements are being drawn." + +Barbara was vaguely relieved to find that Mrs. Savage was once more on +the defensive and that the solicitor with the ominous voice was asking +favours rather than uttering threats. She would have liked to help, if +it had been possible; a year before she would undoubtedly have +responded; but now she dreaded the publicity of a newspaper report, and +there would be a scene with her father to which she felt wholly unequal. +The common sense of the world, too, would only rank her with the +credulous ignorant. + +"You can get other people who know her better, surely?" Barbara +suggested. + +"I want to get every one I can," answered Mr. Morton. "Your name, if I +may say so, will carry a great deal of weight. We wish to show the Home +Office the _kind_ of people who went to our client." + +Barbara was quite convinced by now that she did not want to be known as +"the kind of person" who consulted Mrs. Savage, though in an hour's time +she would have been on her way to Knightsbridge. + +"I think I'd sooner be left out of it," she said. + +"I'm afraid we can't afford to spare you." + +"But you can't _make_ me!" + +There was a pause, followed by a warning cough, and Mr. Morton began to +speak more slowly and emphatically. + +"If the Home Office authorities are ill-advised enough to recommend a +prosecution, it will be necessary for you to attend. We want to avoid +that, of course; we want to satisfy the authorities--without any +unpleasantness--that they are under a misapprehension. A statement from +you----" + +"But would it be published?" + +"That we should have to decide later. Our client has also been wantonly +attacked by certain papers, and it is our business to see that she is +cleared of all suspicion." + +"I shan't say anything, if it's going to be published in the papers," +Barbara rejoined obstinately. + +Mr. Morton hesitated again and became even more impressive. + +"I'm afraid--you'll understand, of course, that this is in no sense a +threat--I'm afraid that you'll regret it later. If we're unable to +settle the matter out of hand, if there's a prosecution----" + +"But I've really nothing to do with it! You can't drag me in!" Barbara +cried. + +"Have you never heard of a _subpoena_?" + +A threat, like any other challenge, roused Barbara to combat, however +ill and reluctant she might be; and, when roused, her first act was to +throw aside prudence like a cloak that was fettering her sword-arm. + +"Oh, I know you can make me come, if you want to," she said. "If you and +Mrs. Savage think it's worth while. I've only met her twice--yesterday +and about two years ago. She hasn't forgotten the first meeting. You can +ask her if she thinks it's worth while." + +Barbara hung up the receiver and lay back in bed, breathing quickly. Her +mother came in a moment later to enquire how she was and found her with +flushed cheeks and dilated pupils. + +"My darling, what's the matter?" she cried. + +"Oh, I'm worried! Everything worries me!" answered Barbara with a catch +in her breath. "Oh, that telephone again!" + +This time it was George Oakleigh, and his tone of gentle concern worried +her until she wanted to scream and beg to be left alone. + +"Good-morning, Barbara. I tried to get through to you before, but your +line was engaged. I hope you're better this morning. Well, I went to +Eric Lane's party last night after leaving you; I've made him promise to +dine with me on Thursday, it's his only free evening for weeks. Is that +any good to you? Even if you don't like his play, I think you'll like +him." + +Barbara felt that, if by pressing a button she could compass Lane's +death, she would press it cheerfully and promptly. Then perhaps she +would escape having him thrust down her throat every few hours. + +"George, it's sweet of you," she said, straining to speak graciously, +"but I don't know that I shall feel up to it. All my nerves seem to have +gone wrong." + +"I'm so sorry; I thought he might amuse you. Would you like to leave it +open? Thursday. He's dining with me in any event. If you ring me up +between now and then.... Take care of yourself, dear Barbara; you're too +precious to lose." + +"Oh, I'm not going to die young," she laughed nervously. "The gods don't +love me enough for that." + +As she put the telephone away again, Lady Crawleigh came back to the +bed; she had only troubled to gather one thing from the conversation, +and that was the rare admission from Barbara's own lips that she was too +ill to accept an invitation. + +"Darling, I thought that after last night it would be a good thing for +you to see Dr. Gaisford," she said. "Perhaps he can give you a +tonic----" + +"Oh, I don't want to see a doctor," Barbara interrupted. "My wretched +body's all right. No doctor in the world can do me any good." + +"But you're not yourself at all. And you've _never_ walked in your sleep +before. There _must_ be something a little wrong, when you begin doing +that." + +Barbara said nothing, because she felt that her nerves were tingling and +that she might break out with something so unnaturally irritable and +rude that Dr. Gaisford would be summoned without the chance of an +appeal. It was absurd to talk about sleep-walking; it was not in sleep +that she had walked down the stairs and through the door-way. A trance +it might fairly be called; but, where memory failed, instinct told her +that she was obeying a call; she had no doubt that, when the policeman +stopped her, she was on her way to Mrs. Savage; and she would there have +heard something--perhaps everything.... + +"I was only restless," said Barbara at length, pulling the bed-clothes +about with an impatient hand. + +"You're not _thinking_ of getting up, are you?" + +Since she could not go back to Knightsbridge, Barbara was undecided +what to do. At least she had to remain within reach of the telephone, +for Mr. Morton might reopen communication at any moment; and she had to +remain at home to secure that, if Mrs. Savage made a personal appeal, it +should not be intercepted this time by Lord Crawleigh. Bed was as good a +place as any other.... + +Mr. Morton left her undisturbed, but two days later she heard the last +of Mrs. Savage. At some period of her wandering career May Tennigen, +sometimes known as "Madame Hilary" or "Mrs. Savage," had become a +naturalized American; the Home Office, working sympathetically with the +War Office, which suspected her activities, decided to dispense with a +prosecution and to return her to the country of her adoption. When +Barbara read of the deportation, she was first relieved and then plunged +into despair. Her last contact with certainty had been broken. Lady +Crawleigh came in to find her crying in her sleep; later she began to +talk feverishly and in the morning Dr. Gaisford was summoned. + +"She was dreadfully overworked in the hospital," explained Lady +Crawleigh. "And I don't think she's got over it yet. _You_ know how +naughty she is as a rule, when she's told to stay in bed; now she won't +get up. She says there's no point in getting up, that there's nothing to +do. She says that, if she's _fated_ to get up--or something like +that.... She says she's got no will of her own, that we've none of us +got wills. That from _Barbara_!" + +The doctor's task was easy in one respect, for Barbara did whatever she +was told. If Destiny contrived a man and crossed the thread of his life +with hers and made him a physician and sent him with a stethoscope and a +fountain-pen to write prescriptions, what was the use of protesting? She +could take the medicine--or leave it untouched; that had been arranged +for her beforehand. Everything was arranged beforehand, but she had +lost the means of finding out what Destiny had in store for her.... + +"Is she worried about anything?" asked the doctor. + +"Not that I know of," Lady Crawleigh answered. + +Since the time eighteen months before, when Barbara said bluntly, +"Mother, I'm not going to marry Jack," they had not discussed him. When +he was reported "missing," Barbara never commented on her mother's +letter, even with a phrase of conventional regret; she did not seem to +discuss him with any one, she had rejected her aunt's sympathy, and, if +she were breaking her heart for him, it was strange that even in sleep +she never referred to him. + +When the doctor left, Lady Crawleigh resolved that Barbara _must_ be +coaxed into saying why she was so miserable. But, if it was hard to +corkscrew anything out of her when she was obstinately rebellious, it +was harder still when she cowered like a beaten dog. For three nights +she had lain moaning "Happy ... I do want to be happy.... Won't any one +make me happy?" Lady Crawleigh alluded vaguely to restless nights, and +the doctor prescribed a sedative. + +For the first time in more than twelve months Barbara slept peacefully +and awoke with the memory of a delightful dream. After the disturbance +of her encounter with Mrs. Savage, her memory had at last gone back to +the day when she fainted in the train. Twice in the night a voice was +heard speaking to her very softly, with a child's confiding gentleness; +then the child himself appeared, standing over her and holding out both +hands until she got up from the grass and walked with him. She found +that she, too, was a child, with bare arms and legs and her hair hanging +loose and blowing into her face until he brushed it aside and kissed +her. They walked with their arms twined about each other's waists, and, +when Barbara looked wonderingly at their blue ephods, he said "The Blue +Bird," and she answered, "Of course! The Blue Bird" and knew that he +was come to bring her happiness. + +They set out seriously, for there was no time to be lost, through a long +narrow garden built like a cliff road, terrace under terrace, with a +silver ribbon of water turning in a cascade from the end of each terrace +on to the one below. There were fig trees on either side, and he made +her sit down in the shade while he gathered the warm soft figs and +tossed them into her lap. + +"Spain," she said. "We must go on." + +"Aren't you happy here?" he asked. + +"Yes. I love you." + +"And I love you." + +"But we must go on," she repeated. + +He bent forward on one knee and kissed her feet. + +"You are tired. Rest here, where you are happy." + +"I am very happy, but we must go on." + +He stood up and lifted her in his arms until she laid her cheek against +his and clasped her hands round his neck. + +"I am too heavy," she protested. "You are only a child." + +"I cannot let you hurt your feet on all these stones," he answered. + +"You are very good to me." + +"I love you. If you will stay here, I will take care of you always. You +will be happy. You will never be hurt. I will watch over you, and no one +shall come near you." + +She looked from under the shade of the fig-tree on to the silver ribbon +of water falling in cascades from one terrace to another. + +"No one _is_ near us. We are alone in the world." + +"And I love you; and you love me." + +She struggled out of his arms and darted forward. + +"We must go on." + +"When you are happy?" + +"Yes. _I_ have to go on. Who are you?" + +"I cannot tell you. I have not lived till now." + +"I never lived till you told me that you loved me. Kiss me! Kiss my +eyes! I love you and I am happy.... But I have to go on. You are a +child." + +"Like you. Let me kiss your hand." + +"My eyes! Kiss my eyes! They were aching, but you have made me +happy...." + +Barbara was still speaking when she awoke. Her arms were thrown wide, as +though she were waiting to embrace some one, and she heard her own +whispered "happy." + +The door creaked. A wedge of yellow light advanced, broadening, into the +room and slowly climbed the opposite wall. Through half-closed eyes she +saw her mother; and, though she shut her eyes, she could feel that her +mother was crossing the room, standing by her, watching her. Then the +door creaked again. Barbara sighed with relief. In another moment sleep +would have been banished, but now she might hope to recapture it. Spain +... The Generalife Garden ... Sunshine hot on her face ... Black stains +of shadow from the fig trees ... The sweet, creamy figs ... Quivering +waves of heat flung back and up from the burning earth on to her bare +ankles ... A child in blue ephod kissing her feet in adoration.... + +She could not remember his face. But, if she did not wake herself by +thinking too hard of him, he would come back. He _must_ come back.... + +The boat was hardly big enough for them both, but he sat at her feet +with a bare arm round his bare legs and his other hand dipped in the +water. She never knew when he got into the boat or when she got into it +herself; but he was speaking, as they came in sight of the Blue Grotto, +and this time she determined to see his face. + +"The river is not wide enough for oars," he explained. + +"I was afraid I had lost you." + +"I love you. I will take wonderful care of you. You will stay?" + +"We must go on." + +The Blue Grotto changed to a horse-shoe doorway, through which she could +see a valley of swaying corn studded with poppies. At the doorway their +narrow river ended, and a ripple of water lapped and washed over the +granite steps. + +"I will carry you," he said. "You must not wet your feet." + +"I am too heavy. You are only a child." + +He laughed, and she found herself in his arms with her cheek pressed +against his and one hand drawing back the hair from her eyes. + +"At the end," she began, looking over the corn and poppies to a strip of +white road winding out of the valley and merging in a white haze on the +horizon. + +"Stay with me! You are happy. And you love me." + +"I love you.... But we must go on." + +She ran ahead, trailing her fingers through the waving ears of corn, and +looked over her shoulder. He had thrown himself on the ground, but, when +she faltered back, he knelt and drew her to him. + +"Stay with me! I love you!" + +"If you love me, kiss me!" + +She stood over him with her head thrown back until he sprang up and +clasped her in his arms. + +"I will never let you go!" + +"You must let me go. I have to go on." + +"But you are happy?" + +"Yes! I am happy ... happy...." + +She had run on alone, with his kiss still on her lips, and had reached +the last height of the strip of white road before she awoke. She heard +her own whispered "happy," but she was frightened.... + +Her bedroom was full of sunshine, and Barbara opened her arms to +welcome it. She was sitting up, when her mother came in, turning the big +illustrated pages of "The Blue Bird"; it was the last thing that she had +read before going to sleep and she wanted to see again the Kingdom of +the Future and the "halls of the Azure Palace, where the children wait +that are yet to be born." The opalescent doors and the blue ephods of +the children were still vivid to her; when she fell asleep, she had been +reading of "the two holding each other by the hand and always kissing +... the Lovers," who spent "their day looking into each other's eyes, +kissing and bidding each other farewell" ... because they could not be +born into the world at the same time. + +"Darling, you're looking better," said Lady Crawleigh. + +"Yes, I had a wonderful night," answered Barbara. "I'm going to get up +to-day. I'm going out. I want to be in the sun." + +She laid aside the book and began her breakfast. + +"Dr. Gaisford's coming to see you at twelve," Lady Crawleigh reminded +her. + +"Oh, we'll telephone and put him off. He'd much sooner be told that I'd +gone out. But he can give me some more of that medicine; it makes me +sleep. And I'm quite hungry." + +She hurried through breakfast and ran into her bathroom, eager to be by +herself, where she could piece together her dream before it faded from +her memory. The voice of the child-lover was the voice that she had +heard in the train. If he ever kissed her again, she would know him, +though she seemed never to have seen his face. Perhaps she would never +see him, perhaps Destiny had contrived that they should always be lovers +and should never meet, perhaps this was why she had felt frightened on +waking. It was absurd, but delightful. She wanted to meet her +playmate.... And it was a long time to wait until she could go to bed +and dream of him again. + +She ran into the Park, because she had been running in the dream; it +was more natural; she was a child again, in a mood of unclouded +happiness. The passers-by paused to stare and smile, but she smiled back +at them and waved her hand. A young officer shot by in a car, turned +round and stopped to ask if he could give her a lift, as she seemed to +be in a hurry. "It's only lightness of heart," she explained with +dancing eyes. The officer looked wonderingly at her and drove to his +club, where he described the encounter and opined that Lady Barbara +Neave ("It couldn't have been any one else") had apparently gone +suddenly mad. + +In the Park she found O'Rane basking on a chair in the sunshine and +crumpling the silky ears of his Saint Bernard. She sat down beside him, +panting for breath and challenging him to guess who she was. + +"I knew before you spoke," he answered. "No one else in London wears +quite so many carnations to the square inch. I smelt them the moment you +came within range." + +"I have them sent up three times a week from the Abbey. I'm going to put +one in your button-hole as a prize for being so clever." + +"Oh, I can be much cleverer than that, when I try," he laughed. "Lady +Barbara, either the sunshine's gone to your head--it always does with +me; so much of my misspent life has been in the sun, I feel starved in +England--; either that, or something very remarkable has happened to +you. You've got a different voice, you're a different person. The last +time----" + +"Ah, don't talk about it," she interrupted. "I'm happy to-day." + +"I know you are! If I painted you to-day, there'd be a riot of blue----" + +"Blue? How funny!" + +"The blue of a cloudless sky. That's how I _see_ happiness. Tell me +what's happened?" + +"I just feel well and happy. I had a wonderful dream. I was about four, +and there was a little boy with the most enchanting voice----" + +O'Rane laughed and began to sing under his breath: + + + "'Long years ago--fourteen, maybe, + When but a tiny babe of four, + Another baby played with me, + My elder by a year or more-- + A little child of beauty rare + With wondrous eyes and marvellous hair...!' + + +Good heavens! The last time I sang that song was at Oxford! A man called +Sinclair--I'd been at school with him; he was killed at Neuve Chapelle; +he was President ... The old Phoenix Club. Jim was there, and Jack +Summertown, and George Oakleigh, and Eric Lane, the new playwright, and +Jack Waring.... I suppose there's no news of him?" + +"I don't think so," Barbara answered soberly. The name took away her +lightness of heart and robbed the very sunshine of its glory. + +"And I made a bet with Jim," said O'Rane after a moment's musing. "Tell +me about your dream," he added abruptly. + +"Oh, I couldn't! It's sacred! Besides, I don't remember very much about +it except that he was the most adorable little boy in the world.... _I_ +was rather adorable, too, with my little bare feet. And _he_ fell in +love with _me_, and _I_ fell in love with _him_. I _had_ been feeling +wretchedly ill and miserable, but I'm happy now. I think the only thing +to do now is to find him and insist on marrying him; we should be +wonderfully happy together, because I've never loved any one as I loved +that child. How does one start?" + +O'Rane shook his head sadly. + +"We've no machinery for romance now. In the old days you'd have sat on a +throne with your hair in two enormous plaits and a gold crown set with +sapphires, and your father would have caused all the men in his kingdom +to pass in front of you, and you'd have stepped suddenly forward, when +you saw your lover, and you'd have taken him by the hand and made room +for him by your side, and both of you would have lived happily ever +afterwards." + +"The sunshine's gone to your head, too! Why are we sitting still? I want +to run about.... Mr. O'Rane, what _would_ happen if I took off my shoes +and stockings in Hyde Park?" + +"_You_ can do anything, Lady Barbara." + +"Yes, but people would say that I was doing it for effect. I don't do +things for effect. I do things because I _want_ to, because I can't help +myself. Long before I believed in Destiny, I felt that there was +something inside me stronger than my will...." + +She broke off and began thinking again of her dream. In this white +sunshine it was easy to discount it, to talk of excited nerves, to trace +the dream itself to the book which she had been reading; but, as she lay +between sleep and waking, all had been too real to discount. Destiny had +decreed the meeting, as Destiny decreed her smallest impulse. + +A shadow fell across her feet. She started and looked up to find +Oakleigh standing before her. + +"I'm glad to see you about again," he said. "I've come to take Raney +away to lunch with the Poynters. Sonia's not here yet?" + +"She said she might be a few minutes late," answered O'Rane. "Lady +Barbara and I have been sitting in the sun, telling each other how happy +we are." O'Rane sat up to catch a sound too indistinct for the others. +"And here's Sonia," he added. "We must fly, Lady Barbara, or we shall be +horribly late, but won't you walk with us?" + +"I'm afraid I must go back," she answered. + +Barbara watched the two men walking away with Sonia between them. +O'Rane was stooping to keep his fingers inside the great Saint Bernard's +collar. Though he was blind, he was happier than she was; though he was +blind, he had heard and recognized Sonia's footstep before she did. Some +change of mood had overtaken her, and she traced it back to the moment +when he asked whether she had received news of Jack.... + +A car was standing at the door of her house, and she found Dr. Gaisford +in the hall. + +"Oh, I'm so sorry! I _meant_ to tell you I was so much better that I'd +gone out," she apologized, rallying under her mother's eye. + +The doctor noted the quick dilation of pupil and restless change of +expression. + +"As I've caught you, I may as well overhaul you," he said. + +"But I'm all right now," Barbara protested. + +"That's good hearing," answered Dr. Gaisford, but none the less he +persevered in his examination, unmoved by a flash of petulance, which he +did not fail to note, and by a spasm of nervous, contrite amiability, +which he noted no less carefully. At the end he was puzzled and +dissatisfied. + +"You say that there _was_ a change this morning?" he asked Lady +Crawleigh as he left. + +"She was a different girl. Now she's as irritable and melancholy.... +Doctor, _is_ this simply the result of overwork, or is it something +more?" + +It was as far as her mother would unbend towards suggesting that Barbara +had anything on her mind. The doctor guessed the purpose of her +question, but he felt that she was better qualified to answer it than he +was. + +"What do you mean by 'something more'?" he asked. + +"Oh, well.... You know...." + +"If we can get her _body_ right and her _nerves_ right," he answered, +"everything else will come right. She's very highly strung, she's been +taking a great deal out of herself all her life; and the war deals such +an all-round blow that, if there _is_ a weak place, we're all of us +bound to feel it." + +He piled vagueness on vagueness and then took his leave. Barbara was +suffering from more than overexcited nerves, but he could not yet +diagnose her complaint. There was no suggestion of drink, no trace of +drugs, but she had been in his care for several weeks and she refused to +shew any improvement. With the best intentions, a woman in her state +never told a doctor the truth about herself; and any doctor who had +attended Barbara since childhood knew better than to waste his time in +trying to make her confide in him. + +"I'll come in again on Tuesday or Wednesday," he promised Lady Crawleigh +on the door-step. "Then we can talk about sending her into the country. +At present I think she'd only mope." + +Barbara spent the afternoon at a concert and dined at home with her +parents. She went to bed immediately after dinner, drank her medicine +and lay with her pillows heaped under her shoulders and the big +illustrated "Blue Bird" open against her knees. When she was too tired +to read any longer, she turned out the light and settled lower into the +bed with her hands clasped under her head, as Peter Ibbetson had lain +night after night, waiting for Mary, Duchess of Towers, "healthily tired +in body, blissfully expectant in mind." + +Drowsiness advanced on her from a distance, perceptibly. She dulled her +senses to the far-away echo of footsteps in the house, to the shooting +glint of moonlight, silver-grey on the cream-coloured blankets as her +curtain bellied in the breeze, to the scent of her beloved carnations, +stirred into fragrance as the curtains moved. Drowsiness deepened, but +she could not fall asleep; her body lay defiantly in London, where she +could still hear a drone of noises, however much she whispered that she +was alone in the world--and waiting. + +Even her eyes refused to remain closed, but she decided that Destiny +must have forced them open, for the curtains blew apart and she saw the +boy standing at the foot of her bed. His face was in shadow, and he +stood with his hands clasped in front of him, looking down. + +"Ah!" + +At the sound of her voice he looked up, but his face was still hidden. + +"My dearest, I have waited for you so long! All day!" she whispered. + +"And I have waited for you all my life. I love you." + +"And I love you. You will stay?" + +It was his turn to shake his head; and he swept sharply towards the +door. Barbara sprang out of bed and caught him by the hand. + +"You _shall_ not go!" + +"I cannot stay here. You will come with me?" + +"I must stay here." + +"If you come with me, I will take care of you always. You will be +happy." + +"I must stay here." + +"Before, you would not stay. Now, you will not come." + +His hand slipped from her fingers, and she saw him pass through the door +into a formless marble gallery. His blue ephod shone brilliantly against +the grey walls, then faded and lost all colour until she could no longer +see him. The gallery foreshortened and grew dark until she felt +suffocated. She could see the darkness and a shadow at her feet darker +still. Something was holding her back; if she could spring across the +forbidding shadow.... Unless she sprang, she would be stifled. Yet to be +stifled was to win peace ... or to send her mad.... + +When she awoke, Lady Crawleigh was once more standing over her. + +"Where was I this time?" asked Barbara dully. + +"Darling, you must have had a nightmare. You were calling out, so I came +to see what was the matter." + +"But where was I? What did I say?" + +"You didn't say anything. You were just--moaning." + +"They were stifling me!" she sobbed. + +"No, darling, you'd only got your face among the pillows so that you +couldn't breathe properly. What were you dreaming about?" + +Barbara looked at her mother and summoned all her resolution to say +nothing. It was wonderful to have any resolution left.... But Destiny +had decided that she was to say nothing.... + +"I believe I'm going mad!" she whispered. + +Lady Crawleigh tried to comfort her, but the girl shrank to the far side +of the bed. It came to this, then, that she could no longer trust +herself to go to sleep. For one night she had been in Heaven ... or in +sight of Heaven.... She could not understand what had impelled her +forward from the Garden and the Valley. Some one, something was waiting +for her--on the lowest terrace, on the horizon where the white ribbon of +road wound out of sight. Something called her away from the child in the +blue ephod. And to-night Destiny had set an angel with a flaming sword +to bar her path when she tried to follow him. Yet it was not an angel +that she could see nor a sword that she could feel; it was an +inhibition, an Authority.... Why not call it Destiny? It was something +that kept her from the boy with the wistfully caressing voice, who loved +her and promised to make her happy.... Something that frightened her, +something that was sending her mad. + +"I always said you oughtn't to sleep with all those pillows," sighed +Lady Crawleigh. + +"You can take them away, if you like. Good-night, mother. I hope I +didn't frighten you. I'm going to sleep again now." + +She waited until she was alone and then sprang out of bed. If she slept, +the shadow would return ... Jack's shadow; she mustered courage to call +it by its right name. You could not go to sleep, if you walked up and +down, up and down all night.... At three o'clock she stripped a row of +glass beads from a dress and poured them into her shoes. You could not +go to sleep, if every step made you wince with pain and bite your lip to +keep from crying.... When her maid came in, Barbara was asleep, with +smarting eyes and tears on her cheeks, huddled at the side of her bed. +One foot had a blister as big as a young pea.... + +She breakfasted and dressed feverishly to escape from the house before +her mother was up and before the doctor could mouth his inanities about +"getting the nerves right, dear child, and then everything else will be +right." + +"I don't expect I shall be back to lunch," she told her maid. + +Soon she was in St. James' Park, because Destiny sent her there.... +Government cars were racing down the Mall; a procession of officers +poured into Whitehall, and by the statue of James II she saw Oakleigh +and O'Rane walking arm-in-arm towards the Admiralty. George would tell +her that she did not look quite so well; O'Rane would mark her voice and +paint his conception of her with such blazing splashes of his "red for +pain" as seeing eye had never beheld. She turned and ran up the Duke of +York's Steps; Destiny had decided that she was to escape these two for +once.... + +To meet Lady Poynter in Bond Street was to be flung against reality and +made sane. + +"My dear Babs! How wretched you're looking," she heard; and the shops, +the taxis and the passers-by steadied to immobility. They were +gloriously solid; they would frown on her, if she screamed or ran away. + +"I'm feeling rather wretched," she answered in a recognizable voice. "I +had rather a bad night." + +"Your mother told me you were disgracefully overworked at the hospital," +said Lady Poynter. "Now, what we's all got to do is to arrange a little +holiday for you----" + +Barbara smiled and shook her head. Yet it was no use shaking your head +when Destiny had flung Lady Poynter across your path. If Destiny had +arranged for her what might, for argument's sake, be called a +holiday.... + +"I haven't made up my mind what I'm going to do," she answered. + +"Then let me make it up for you! What are you doing to-night?" + +"I believe mother's got some people dining." + +"Well, see if you can't put them off and dine with us." + +Barbara closed her eyes until she felt herself rocking. If Destiny meant +her to dine with Lady Poynter.... + +"I should like to," she said. + +"Then I shall expect you. At a quarter past eight. In Belgrave Square. +It's only quite a small party. Have you met this new dramatist, Eric +Lane? I've got him coming." + +There was a conspiracy to force them together. George had tried, Sonia +had tried. What was the good of meeting any one, if Jack's ghost +intervened to thrust them apart? Eric Lane ... Eric Lane.... When she +died, they would find "Eric Lane" on her heart. A neat monogram: "E. L." +... Barbara found herself trembling.... If Destiny meant her to meet +Eric Lane.... + +"I was invited to meet him, but I couldn't go." + +"You'll fall in love with him," Lady Poynter prophesied. + + + ++-------------------------------------------------+ +|Transcriber's note: | +| | +|Obvious typographical errors have been corrected.| +| | ++-------------------------------------------------+ + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 44982 *** |