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+<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en">
+<head>
+<title>
+The Comic History of England, by Gilbert Abbott A'beckett
+</title>
+<style type="text/css">
+    <!--
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+    P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; }
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+    hr  { width: 50%; text-align: center;}
+    .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; }
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+    .mynote    {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;}
+    .toc       { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;}
+    .toc2      { margin-left: 20%;}
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+<body>
+
+
+<pre>
+
+Project Gutenberg's The Comic History Of England, by Gilbert Abbott A'Beckett
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Comic History Of England
+
+Author: Gilbert Abbott A'Beckett
+
+Illustrator: John Leech
+
+Release Date: February 9, 2014 [EBook #44860]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE COMIC HISTORY OF ENGLAND ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger from page scans graciously provided
+by Google Books
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+<div style="height: 8em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h1>
+THE COMIC HISTORY OF ENGLAND
+</h1>
+<h3>
+Volumes One and Two
+</h3>
+<h2>
+By Gilbert Abbott A'Beckett
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br />
+</p>
+<h3>
+With Reproductions of the 200 Engravings by JOHN LEECH
+</h3>
+<h4>
+And Twenty Page Illustrations
+</h4>
+<h5>
+1894
+</h5>
+<h5>
+George Routledge And Sons, Limited <br /> <br /> Broadway, Ludgate Hill
+Manchester and New York
+</h5>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0001" id="linkimage-0001"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/011m.jpg" alt="011m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/011.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0002" id="linkimage-0002"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/frontispiecem.jpg" alt="011m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/frontispiece.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0003" id="linkimage-0003"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/014m.jpg" alt="014m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/014.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<p>
+<b>CONTENTS</b>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2H_PREF"> PREFACE. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2H_4_0002"> <b>THE COMIC HISTORY OF ENGLAND.</b> </a>
+</p>
+<p>
+<br />
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2H_4_0003"> <b>BOOK I.</b> </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0001"> CHAPTER THE FIRST. THE BRITONS&mdash;THE ROMANS&mdash;INVASION
+BY JULIUS C�SAR. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0002"> CHAPTER THE SECOND. INVASION BY THE ROMANS UNDER
+CLAUDIUS&mdash;CARACTACUS&mdash;BOADICEA&mdash;AGRICOLA&mdash;-GALGACUS&mdash;SEVERUS&mdash;VORTIGERN
+CALLS IN THE SAXONS. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0003"> CHAPTER THE THIRD. THE SAXONS&mdash;THE
+HEPTARCHY. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0004"> CHAPTER THE FOURTH. THE UNION OF THE HEPTARCHY
+UNDER EGBERT. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0005"> CHAPTER THE FIFTH. THE DANES&mdash;ALFRED. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0006"> CHAPTER THE SIXTH. FROM KING EDWARD THE ELDER TO
+THE NORMAN CONQUEST. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0007"> CHAPTER THE SEVENTH. EDMUND IRONSIDES&mdash;CANUTE&mdash;HAROLD
+HAREFOOT&mdash;HARDICANUTE&mdash;EDWARD THE CONFESSOR&mdash;HAROLD&mdash;THE
+BATTLE OF HASTINGS. </a>
+</p>
+<p>
+<br />
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2H_4_0011"> <b>BOOK II. THE PERIOD FROM THE NORMAN CONQUEST
+TO THE DEATH OF KING JOHN.</b> </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0008"> CHAPTER THE FIRST. WILLIAM THE CONQUEROR. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0009"> CHAPTER THE SECOND. WILLIAM RUFUS. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0010"> CHAPTER THE THIRD. HENRY THE FIRST, SURNAMED
+BEAUCLERC. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0011"> CHAPTER THE FOURTH. STEPHEN. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0012"> CHAPTER THE FIFTH. HENRY THE SECOND, SURNAMED
+PLANTAGENET. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0013"> CHAPTER THE SIXTH. RICHARD THE FIRST, SURNAMED
+COUR DE LION. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0014"> CHAPTER THE SEVENTH. JOHN, SURNAMED SANSTERRE, OR
+LACKLAND. </a>
+</p>
+<p>
+<br />
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2H_4_0019"> <b>BOOK III. THE PERIOD FROM THE ACCESSION OF
+HENRY THE THIRD, TO THE END OF THE REIGN OF RICHARD THE SECOND. A.D. 1216&mdash;1399.</b>
+</a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0015"> CHAPTER THE FIRST. HENRY THE THIRD, SURNAMED OF
+WINCHESTER. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0016"> CHAPTER THE SECOND. EDWARD THE FIRST, SURNAMED
+LONGSHANKS. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0017"> CHAPTER THE THIRD. EDWARD THE SECOND, SURNAMED OF
+CAERNARVON. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0018"> CHAPTER THE FOURTH. EDWARD THE THIRD. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0019"> CHAPTER THE FIFTH. RICHARD THE SECOND, SURNAMED
+OF BORDEAUX. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0020"> CHAPTER THE SIXTH. ON THE MANNERS, CUSTOMS, AND
+CONDITION OF THE PEOPLE. </a>
+</p>
+<p>
+<br />
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2H_4_0026"> <b>BOOK IV. THE PERIOD FROM THE ACCESSION OF
+HENRY THE FOURTH TO THE END OF THE REIGN OF RICHARD THE THIRD, A.D. 1399&mdash;1485.</b>
+</a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0021"> CHAPTER THE FIRST. HENRY THE FOURTH, SURNAMED
+BOLINGBROKE. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0022"> CHAPTER THE SECOND. HENRY THE FIFTH, SURNAMED OF
+MONMOUTH. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0023"> CHAPTER THE THIRD. HENRY THE SIXTH, SURNAMED OF
+WINDSOR. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0024"> CHAPTER THE FOURTH. HENRY THE SIXTH, SURNAMED OF
+WINDSOR (CONTINUED). </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0025"> CHAPTER THE FIFTH. EDWARD THE FOURTH. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0026"> CHAPTER THE SIXTH. EDWARD THE FIFTH. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0027"> CHAPTER THE SEVENTH. RICHARD THE THIRD. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0028"> CHAPTER THE EIGHTH. NATIONAL INDUSTRY. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0029"> CHAPTER THE NINTH. OF THE MANNERS, CUSTOMS, AND
+CONDITION OF THE PEOPLE. </a>
+</p>
+<p>
+<br />
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2H_4_0036"> <b>BOOK V. FROM THE ACCESSION OF HENRY THE
+SEVENTH TO THE END OF THE REIGN OF ELIZABETH.</b> </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0030"> CHAPTER THE FIRST. HENRY THE SEVENTH. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0031"> CHAPTER THE SECOND. HENRY THE EIGHTH. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0032"> CHAPTER THE THIRD. HENRY THE EIGHTH (CONTINUED).
+</a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0033"> CHAPTER THE FOURTH. HENRY THE EIGHTH (CONTINUED.)
+</a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0034"> CHAPTER THE FIFTH. HENRY THE EIGHTH (CONCLUDED).
+</a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0035"> CHAPTER THE SIXTH. EDWARD THE SIXTH. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0036"> CHAPTER THE SEVENTH. MARY. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0037"> CHAPTER THE EIGHTH. ELIZABETH. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0038"> CHAPTER THE NINTH. ELIZABETH (CONTINUED). </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0039"> CHAPTER THE TENTH. ELIZABETH (CONCLUDED). </a>
+</p>
+<p>
+<br />
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2H_4_0048"> <b>BOOK VI. FROM THE PERIOD OF THE ACCESSION OF
+JAMES THE FIRST TO THE RESTORATION OF CHARLES THE SECOND.</b> </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0040"> CHAPTER THE FIRST. JAMES THE FIRST. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0041"> CHAPTER THE SECOND. JAMES THE FIRST (CONTINUED).
+</a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0042"> CHAPTER THE THIRD. CHARLES THE FIRST. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0043"> CHAPTER THE FOURTH. CHARLES THE FIRST
+(CONTINUED). </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0044"> CHAPTER THE FIFTH CHARLES THE FIRST (CONCLUDED).
+</a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0045"> CHAPTER THE SIXTH. THE COMMONWEALTH. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0046"> CHAPTER THE SEVENTH. RICHARD CROMWELL. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0047"> CHAPTER THE EIGHTH. ON THE NATIONAL INDUSTRY AND
+THE LITERATURE, MANNERS, CUSTOMS, AND CONDITION OP THE PEOPLE. </a>
+</p>
+<p>
+<br />
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2H_4_0057"> <b>BOOK VII. THE PERIOD FROM THE RESTORATION OF
+CHARLES THE SECOND TO THE REVOLUTION.</b> </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0048"> CHAPTER THE FIRST. CHARLES THE SECOND. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0049"> CHAPTER THE SECOND. CHARLES THE SECOND
+(CONTINUED). </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0050"> CHAPTER THE THIRD. CHARLES THE SECOND
+(CONTINUED). </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0051"> CHAPTER THE FOURTH. JAMES THE SECOND. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0052"> CHAPTER THE FIFTH. LITERATURE, SCIENCE, FINE
+ARTS, MANNERS, CUSTOMS, AND CONDITION OF THE PEOPLE. </a>
+</p>
+<p>
+<br />
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2H_4_0063"> <b>BOOK VIII. THE PERIOD FROM THE REVOLUTION TO
+THE ACCESSION OF GEORGE THE THIRD.</b> </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0053"> CHAPTER THE FIRST. WILLIAM AND MARY. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0054"> CHAPTER THE SECOND. WILLIAM THE THIRD. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0055"> CHAPTER THE THIRD. QUEEN ANNE. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0056"> CHAPTER THE FOURTH. GEORGE THE FIRST. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0057"> CHAPTER THE FIFTH. GEORGE THE SECOND. </a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0058"> CHAPTER THE SIXTH. GEORGE THE SECOND (CONCLUDED).
+</a>
+</p>
+<p class="toc">
+<a href="#link2HCH0059"> CHAPTER THE SEVENTH. ON THE CONSTITUTION,
+GOVERNMENT AND LAWS, NATIONAL INDUSTRY, LITERATURE, SCIENCE, FINE ARTS,
+MANNERS, CUSTOMS, AND CONDITION OF THE PEOPLE. </a>
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2H_PREF" id="link2H_PREF"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+PREFACE.
+</h2>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>N commencing this work, the object of the Author was, as he stated in the
+Prospectus, to blend amusement with instruction, by serving up, in as
+palatable a shape as he could, the facts of English History. He pledged
+himself not to sacrifice the substance to the seasoning; and though he has
+certainly been a little free in the use of his sauce, he hopes that he has
+not produced a mere hash on the present occasion. His object has been to
+furnish something which may be allowed to take its place as a standing
+dish at the library table, and which, though light, may not be found
+devoid of nutriment. That food is certainly not the most wholesome which
+is the heaviest and the least digestible.
+</p>
+<p>
+Though the original design of this History was only to place facts in an
+amusing light, without a sacrifice of fidelity, it is humbly presumed that
+truth has rather gained than lost by the mode of treatment that has been
+adopted. Persons and tilings, events and characters, have been deprived of
+their false colouring, by the plain and matter-of-fact spirit in which
+they have been approached by the writer of the "Comic History of England."
+He has never scrupled to take the liberty of tearing off the masks and
+fancy dresses of all who have hitherto been presented in disguise to the
+notice of posterity. Motives are treated in these pages as unceremoniously
+as men; and as the human disposition was much the same in former times as
+it is in the present day, it has been judged by the rules of common sense,
+which are alike at every period.
+</p>
+<p>
+Some, who have been accustomed to look at History as a pageant, may think
+it a desecration to present it in a homely shape, divested of its gorgeous
+accessories. Such persons as these will doubtless feel offended at finding
+the romance of history irreverently demolished, for the sake of mere
+reality. They will-perhaps honestly though erroneously-accuse the author
+of a contempt for what is great and good; but the truth is, he has so much
+real respect for the great and good, that he is desirous of preventing the
+little and bad from continuing to claim admiration upon false pretences.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h1>
+THE COMIC HISTORY OF ENGLAND.
+</h1>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+BOOK I.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0001" id="link2HCH0001"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE FIRST. THE BRITONS&mdash;THE ROMANS&mdash;INVASION BY JULIUS
+C�SAR.
+</h2>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>T has always been the good fortune of the antiquarian who has busied
+himself upon the subject of our ancestors, that the total darkness by
+which they are overshadowed, renders it impossible to detect the
+blunderings of the antiquarian himself, who has thus been allowed to grope
+about the dim twilight of the past, and entangle himself among its
+cobwebs, without any light being thrown upon his errors.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0004" id="linkimage-0004"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/028m.jpg" alt="028m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/028.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+But while the antiquarians have experienced no obstruction from others,
+they have managed to come into collision among themselves, and have
+knocked their heads together with considerable violence in the process of
+what they call exploring the dark ages of our early history. We are not
+unwilling to take a walk amid the monuments of antiquity, which we should
+be sorry to run against or tumble over for want of proper light; and we
+shall therefore only venture so far as we can have the assistance of the
+bull's-eye of truth, rejecting altogether the allurements of the Will o'
+the Wisp of mere probability. It is not because former historians have
+gone head oyer heels into the gulf of conjecture, that we are to turn a
+desperate somersault after them. *
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Some historians tell us that the most conclusive evidence
+of things that have happened is to be found in the reports
+of the <i>Times</i>. This source of information is, however,
+closed against us, for the <i>Times</i>, unfortunately, had no
+reporters when these isles were first inhabited.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The best materials for getting at the early history of a country are its
+coins, its architecture, and its manners. The Britons, however, had not
+yet converted the Britannia metal&mdash;for which their valour always made
+them conspicuous&mdash;into coins, while their architecture, to judge from
+the Druidical remains, was of the wicket style, consisting of two or three
+stones stuck upright in the earth, with another stone laid at the top of
+them; after the fashion with which all lovers of the game of cricket are
+of course familiar. As this is the only architectural assistance we are
+likely to obtain, we decline entering upon the subject through such a
+gate; or, to use an expression analogous to the pastime to which we have
+referred, we refuse to take our innings at such a wicket. We need hardly
+add, that in looking to the manners of our ancestors for enlightenment, we
+look utterly in vain, for there is no Druidical Chesterfield to afford us
+any information upon the etiquette of that distant period. There is every
+reason to believe that our forefathers lived in an exceedingly rude state;
+and it is therefore perhaps as well that their manners&mdash;or rather
+their want of manners&mdash;should be buried in oblivion.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0005" id="linkimage-0005"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/029m.jpg" alt="029m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/029.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+It was formerly very generally believed that the first population of this
+country descended from �neas, the performer of the most filial act of
+pick-a-back that ever was known; and that the earliest Britons were sprung
+from his grandson&mdash;one Brutus, who, preserving the family
+peculiarity, came into this island on the shoulders of the people. *
+Hollinshed, that greatest of antiquarian <i>gobemouches</i>, has not only
+taken in the story we have just told, but has added a few of his own
+ingenious embellishments. He tells us that Brutus fell in with the
+posterity of the giant Albion, who was put to death by Hercules, whose
+buildings at Lambeth are the only existing proofs of his having ever
+resided in this country.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* The story of Brutus and the Trojans has been told in such
+a variety of ways, that it is difficult to make either head
+or tail of it. Geoffrey of Monmouth says that Brutus found
+Britain deserted, except by a few giants&mdash;from which it is
+to be presumed that Brutus landed at Greenwich about the
+time of the fair. Perhaps the introduction of troy-weight
+into our arithmetic may be traced to the immigration of the
+Trojans, who were very likely to adopt the measures&mdash;and why
+not the weights&mdash;with which they had been familiar.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Considering it unprofitable to dwell any longer on those points, about
+which all writers are at loggerheads, we come at once to that upon which
+they are all agreed, which is, that the first inhabitants were a tribe of
+Celt� from the Continent: that, in fact, the earliest Englishmen were all
+Frenchmen; and that, however bitter and galling the fact may be, it is to
+Gaul that we owe our origin. We ought perhaps to mention that C�sar thinks
+our sea-ports were peopled by Belgic invaders, from Brussels, thus causing
+a sprinkling of Brussels sprouts among the native productions of England.
+</p>
+<p>
+The name of our country&mdash;Britannia&mdash;has also been the subject of
+ingenious speculation among the antiquarians. To sum up all their
+conjectures into one of our own, we think they have succeeded in
+dissolving the word Britannia into Brit, or Brick, and tan, which would
+seem to imply that the natives always behaved like bricks in tanning their
+enemies. The suggestion that the syllable tan, means tin, and that
+Britannia is synonymous with tin land, appears to be rather a modern
+notion, for it is only in later ages that Britannia has become
+emphatically the land of tin, or the country for making money.
+</p>
+<p>
+The first inhabitants of the island lived by pasture, and not by trade.
+They as yet knew nothing of the till, but supported themselves by tillage.
+Their dress was picturesque rather than elegant. A book of truly British
+fashions would be a great curiosity in the present day, and we regret that
+we have no <i>Petit Courier des Druides</i>, or Celtic <i>Belle Assembl�e</i>,
+to furnish <i>figurines</i> of the costume of the period. Skins, however,
+were much worn, for morning as well as for evening dress; and it is
+probable that even at that early age ingenuity may have been exercised to
+suggest new patterns for cow cloaks and other varieties of the then
+prevailing articles of the wardrobe.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Druids, who were the priests, exercised great ascendancy over the
+people, and often claimed the spoils of war, together with other property,
+under the plea of offering up the proceeds as a sacrifice to the
+divinities. These treasures, however, were never accounted for; and it is
+now too late for the historians to file, as it were, a bill in equity to
+inquire what has become of them.
+</p>
+<p>
+C�sar, who might have been so called from his readiness to seize upon
+everything, now turned his eyes and directed his arms upon Britain.
+According to some he was tempted by the expectation of finding pearls,
+which he hoped to get out of the oysters, and he therefore broke in upon
+the natives with considerable energy.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0006" id="linkimage-0006"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/031m.jpg" alt="031m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/031.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Whatever Caesar looking for the Pearls for which Britain was formerly
+celebrated, may have been Caesar's motives the fact is pretty well
+ascertained, that at about ten o'clock one fine morning in August&mdash;some
+say a quarter past&mdash;he reached the British coast with 12,000
+infantry, packed in eighty vessels. He had left behind him the whole of
+his cavalry&mdash;the Roman horse-marines&mdash;who were detained by
+contrary winds on the other side of the sea, and though anxious to be in
+communication with their leader, they never could get into the right
+channel. At about three in the afternoon, C�sar having taken an early
+dinner, began to disembark his forces at a spot called to this day the
+Sandwich Flats, from the people having been such flats as to allow the
+enemy to effect a landing. While the Roman soldiers were standing
+shilly-shallying at the side of their vessels, a standard-bearer of the
+tenth legion, or, as we should call him, an ensign in the tenth, jumped
+into the water, which was nearly up to his knees, and addressing a
+claptrap to his comrades as he stood in the sea, completely turned the
+tide in Caesar's favour. After a severe shindy on the shingles, the
+Britons withdrew, leaving the Romans masters of the beach, where C�sar
+erected a marquee for the accommodation of his cohorts. The natives sought
+and obtained peace, which had no sooner been concluded, than the Roman
+horse-marines were seen riding across the Channel. A tempest, however,
+arising, the horses were terrified, and the waves beginning to mount,
+added so much to the confusion, that the Roman cavalry were compelled to
+back to the point they started from. The same storm gave a severe blow to
+the camp of C�sar, on the beach, dashing his galleys and transports
+against the rocks which they were sure to split upon. Daunted by these
+disasters, the invaders, after a few breezes with the Britons, took
+advantage of a favourable gale to return to Gaul, and thus for a time the
+dispute appeared to have blown over.
+</p>
+<p>
+C�sar's thoughts, however, still continued to run in one, namely, the
+British, Channel. In the spring of the ensuing year, he rigged out 800
+ships, into which he contrived to cram 32,000 men, and with this force he
+was permitted to land a second time by those horrid flats at Sandwich. The
+Britons for some time made an obstinate resistance in their chariots, but
+they ultimately took a fly across the country, and retreated with great
+rapidity. C�sar had scarcely sat down to breakfast the next morning when
+he heard that a tempest had wrecked all his vessels. At this intelligence
+he burst into tears, and scampered off to the sea coast, with all his
+legions in full cry, hurrying after him.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0007" id="linkimage-0007"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/032m.jpg" alt="032m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/032.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The news of the disaster turned out to be no exaggeration, for there were
+no penny-a-liners in those days; and, having carried his ships a good way
+inland, where they remained like fish out of water, he set out once more
+in pursuit of the enemy. The Britons had, however, made the most of their
+time, and had found a leader in the person of Gassivelaunus, <i>alias</i>
+Caswallon, a quarrelsome old Gelt, who had so frequently thrashed his
+neighbours, that he was thought the most likely person to succeed in
+thrashing the Romans. This gallant individual was successful in a few
+rough off handed engagements; but when it came to the fancy work, where
+tactics were required, the disciplined Roman troops were more than a match
+for him. His soldiers having been driven back to their woods, he drove
+himself back in his chariot to the neighbourhood of Chertsey, where he had
+a few acres of ground, which he called a Kingdom. He then stuck some
+wooden posts in the middle of the Thames, as an impediment to C�sar, who,
+in the plenitude of his vaulting ambition, laid his hands on the posts and
+vaulted over them.
+</p>
+<p>
+The army of Cassivelaunus being now disbanded, his establishment was
+reduced to 4000 chariots, which he kept up for the purpose of harassing
+the Romans. As each chariot required at least a pair of horses, his 4000
+vehicles, and the enormous stud they entailed, must have been rather more
+harassing to Cassivelaunus himself than to the enemy.
+</p>
+<p>
+This extremely extravagant Celt, who had long been the object of the
+jealousy of his neighbours, was now threatened by their treachery. The
+chief of the Trinobantes, who lived in Middlesex, and were perhaps the
+earliest Middlesex magistrates, sent ambassadors to C�sar, promising
+submission. They also showed him the way to the contemptible cluster of
+houses which Cassivelaunus dignified with the name of his capital. It was
+surrounded with a ditch, and a rampart made chiefly of mud, the article in
+which military engineering seemed to have stuck at that early period.
+Cassivelaunus was driven by C�sar from his abode, constructed of clay and
+felled trees, and so precipitate was the flight of the Briton, that he had
+only time to pack up a few necessary articles, leaving everything else to
+fall into the hands of the enemy.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Roman General, being tired of his British campaign, was glad to listen
+to the overtures of Cassivelaunus; but these overtures consisted of
+promissory notes, which were never realised. The Celt undertook to
+transmit an annual tribute to C�sar, who never got a penny of the money;
+and the hostages he had carried with him to Gaul became a positive burden
+to him, for they were never taken out of pawn by their countrymen. It is
+believed that they were ultimately got rid of at a sale of unredeemed
+pledges, where they were put up in lots of half a dozen, and knocked down
+as slaves to the highest bidder.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0008" id="linkimage-0008"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figright" style="width:10%;">
+<img src="images/033m.jpg" alt="033m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/033.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+Before quitting the subject of Caesar's invasion, it may be interesting to
+the reader to know something of the weapons with which the early Britons
+attempted to defend themselves. Their swords were made of copper, and
+generally bent with the first blow, which must have greatly straitened
+their aggressive resources, for the swords thus followed their own bent,
+instead of carrying out the intentions of the persons using them. This
+provoking pliancy of the material must often have made the soldier as
+ill-tempered as his own weapon. The Britons carried also a dirk, and a
+spear, the latter of which they threw at the foe, as an effectual means of
+pitching into him. A sort of reaping-hook was attached to their chariot
+wheels, and was often very useful in reaping the laurels of victory.
+</p>
+<p>
+For nearly one hundred years after C�sar's invasion, Britain was
+undisturbed by the Romans, though Caligula, that neck-or-nothing tyrant,
+as his celebrated wish entitles him to be called, once or twice had his
+eye upon it. The island, however, if it attracted the Imperial eye,
+escaped the lash, during the period specified.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0002" id="link2HCH0002"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE SECOND. INVASION BY THE ROMANS UNDER CLAUDIUS&mdash;CARACTACUS&mdash;BOADICEA&mdash;AGRICOLA&mdash;-GALGACUS&mdash;SEVERUS&mdash;VORTIGERN
+CALLS IN THE SAXONS.
+</h2>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>T was not until ninety-seven years after C�sar had seized upon the island
+that it was unceremoniously clawed by the Emperor Claudius. Kent and
+Middlesex fell an easy prey to the Roman power; nor did the brawny sons of
+Canterbury&mdash;since so famous for its brawn&mdash;succeed in repelling
+the enemy. Aulus Plautius, the Roman general, pursued the Britons under
+that illustrious character, Caractus. He retreated towards Lambeth Marsh,
+and the swampy nature of the ground gave the invaders reason to feel that
+it was somewhat too
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+"Far into the bowels of the land
+They had march'd on without impediment."
+</pre>
+<p>
+Vespasian, the second in command, made a tour in the Isle of Wight, then
+called Vectis, where he boldly took the Bull by the horns, and seized upon
+Cowes with considerable energy. Still, little was done till Ostorius
+Scapula&mdash;whose name implies that he was a sharp blade&mdash;put his
+shoulder to the wheel, and erected a line of defences&mdash;a line in
+which he was so successful that it may have been called his peculiar <i>forte</i>&mdash;to
+protect the territory that had been acquired.
+</p>
+<p>
+After a series of successes, Ostorius having suffocated every breath of
+liberty in Suffolk, and hauled the inhabitants of Newcastle over the
+coals, drove the people of Wales before him like so many Welsh rabbits;
+and even the brave Caractacus was obliged to fly as well as he could, with
+the remains of one of the wings of the British army. He was taken to Rome
+with his wife and children, in fetters, but his dignified conduct procured
+his chains to be struck off, and from this moment we lose the chain of his
+history.
+</p>
+<p>
+Ostorius, who remained in Britain, was so harassed by the natives that he
+was literally worried to death; but in the reign of Nero (a.d. 59),
+Suetonius fell upon Mona, now the Isle of Anglesey, where the howlings,
+cries, and execrations of the people were so awful, that the name of Mona
+was singularly appropriate. Notwithstanding, however, the terrific oaths
+of the natives, they could not succeed in swearing away the lives of their
+aggressors. Suetonius, having made them pay the penalty of so much bad
+language, was called up to London, then a Roman colony; but he no sooner
+arrived in town, than he was obliged to include himself among the
+departures, in consequence of the fury of Boadicea, that greatest of
+viragoes and first of British heroines. She reduced London to ashes, which
+Suetonius did not stay to sift; but he waited the attack of Boadicea a
+little way out of town, and pitched his tent within a modern omnibus ride
+of the great metropolis. His fair antagonist drove after him in her
+chariot, with her two daughters, the Misses Boadicea, at her side, and
+addressed to her army some of those appeals on behalf of "a British female
+in distress," which have since been adopted by British dramatists. The
+valorous old vixen was, however, defeated; and rather than swallow the
+bitter pill which would have poisoned the remainder of her days, she took
+a single dose and terminated her own existence.
+</p>
+<p>
+Suetonius soon returned with his suite to the Continent, without having
+finished the war; for it was always a characteristic of the Britons, that
+they never would acknowledge they had had enough at the hands of an enemy.
+Some little time afterwards, we find Cerealis engaged in one of those
+attacks upon Britain which might be called serials, from their frequent
+repetition; and subsequently, about the year 75 or 78, Julius Frontinus
+succeeded to the business from which so many before him had retired with
+very little profit.
+</p>
+<p>
+The general, however, who cemented the power of Rome&mdash;or, to speak
+figuratively, introduced the Roman cement among the Bricks or Britons&mdash;was
+Julius Agricola, the father-in-law of Tacitus, the historian, who has lost
+no opportunity of puffing most outrageously his undoubtedly meritorious
+relative.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0009" id="linkimage-0009"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/035m.jpg" alt="035m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/035.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+Agricola certainly did considerable havoc in Britain. He sent the Scotch
+reeling oyer the Grampian Hills, and led the Caledonians a pretty dance.
+</p>
+<p>
+Portrait of Julius Agricola. He ran UP a kind of rampart between the
+Friths of Clyde and Forth, from which he could come forth at his leisure
+and complete the conquest of Caledonia. In the sixth year of his campaign,
+a.d. 83, he crossed the Frith of Forth, and came opposite to Fife, which
+was played upon by the whole of his band with considerable energy. Having
+wintered in Fife, upon which he levied contributions to a pretty tune, he
+moved forward in the summer of the next year, a.d. 84, from Glen Devon to
+the foot of the Grampians. He here encountered Galgacus and his host, who
+made a gallant resistance; but the Scottish chief was soon left to reckon
+without his host, for all his followers fled like lightning, and it has
+been said that their bolting came upon him like a thunderbolt.
+</p>
+<p>
+Agricola having thoroughly beaten the Britons&mdash;on the principle,
+perhaps, that there is nothing so impressible as wax&mdash;began to think
+of instructing them. He had given them a few lessons in war which they
+were not likely to forget, and he now thought of introducing among their
+chiefs a tincture of polite letters, commencing of course with the
+alphabet. The Britons finding it as easy as A, B, C, began to cultivate
+the rudiments of learning, for there is a spell in letters of which few
+can resist the influence. They assumed the toga, which, on account of the
+comfortable warmth of the material, they very quickly cottoned; they
+plunged into baths, and threw themselves into the capacious lap of luxury.
+</p>
+<p>
+For upwards of thirty years Britain remained tranquil, but in the reign of
+Hadrian, a.d. 120, the Caledonians, whose spirit had been "scotched, not
+killed," became exceedingly turbulent. Hadrian, who felt his weakness,
+went to the wall of Agricola, * which was rebuilt in order to protect the
+territory the Romans had acquired. Some years afterwards the power of the
+empire went into a decline, which caused a consumption at home of many of
+the troops that had been previously kept for the protection of foreign
+possessions. Britain took this opportunity of revolting, and in the year
+207, the Emperor Severus, though far advanced in years and a martyr to the
+gout, determined to march in person against the barbarians. He had no
+sooner set his foot on English ground than his gout caused him to feel the
+greatest difficulties at every step, and having been no less than four
+years getting to York, he knocked up there, a.d. 211, and died in a
+dreadful hobble. Caracalla, son and successor to the late Emperor Severus,
+executed a surrender of land to the Caledonians for the sake of peace, and
+being desirous of administering to the effects of his lamented governor in
+Rome, left the island for ever.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* The remains of this wall are still in existence, to
+furnish food for the Archeologians who occasionally feast on
+the bricks, which have become venerable with the crust of
+ages. A morning roll among the mounds in the neighbourhood
+where this famous wall once existed, is considered a most
+delicate repast to the antiquarian.
+</pre>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0010" id="linkimage-0010"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/036m.jpg" alt="036m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/036.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The history of Britain for the next seventy years may be easily written,
+for a blank page would tell all that is known respecting it. In the
+partnership reign of Dioclesian and Maximian, a.d. 288, "the land we live
+in" turns up again, under somewhat unfavourable circumstances, for we find
+its coasts being ravaged about this time by Scandinavian and Saxon
+pirates. Carausius, a sea captain, and either a Belgian or Briton by
+birth, was employed against the pirates, to whom, in the Baltic sound, he
+gave a sound thrashing. Instead, however, of sending the plunder home to
+his employers, he pocketed the proceeds of his own victories, and the
+Emperors, growing jealous of his power, sent instructions to have him
+slain at the earliest convenience. The wily sailor, however, fled to
+Britain, where he planted his standard, and where the tar, claiming the
+natives as his "messmates," induced them to join him in the mess he had
+got into. The Roman eagles were put to flight, and both wings of the
+imperial army exhibited the white feather. Peace with Carausius was
+purchased by conceding to him the government of Britain and Boulogne, with
+the proud title of Emperor.
+</p>
+<p>
+The assumption of the rank of Emperor of Boulogne seems to us about as
+absurd as usurping the throne of Broadstairs, or putting on the imperial
+purple at Herne Bay; but Carausius having been originally a mere pirate,
+was justly proud of his new dignity. Having swept the seas, he commenced
+scouring the country, and his victories were celebrated by a day's
+chairing, at which he assisted as the principal figure in a procession of
+unexampled pomp and pageantry. The throne, however, is not an easy <i>fauteuil</i>,
+and Carausius had scarcely had time to throw himself back in an attitude
+of repose, when he was murdered at Eboracum (York) (a.d. 297), by one
+Alectus, his confidential friend and minister. In accordance with the
+custom of the period, that the murderer should succeed his victim, Alectus
+ruled in Britain until he, in his turn, was slain at the instigation of
+Constantius Chlorus, who became master of the island. That individual died
+at York (a.d. 306), where his son Constantine, afterwards called the
+Great, commenced his reign, which was a short and not a particularly merry
+one, for after experiencing several reverses in the North, he quitted the
+island, which, until his death in 337, once more enjoyed tranquillity.
+</p>
+<p>
+Rome, which had so long been mighty, was like a cheese in the same
+condition, rapidly going to decay, and she found it necessary to practise
+what has been termed "the noble art of self-defence," which is admitted on
+all hands to be the first law of Nature. Britain they regarded as a
+province, which it was not their province to look after. It was
+consequently left as pickings for the Picts, * nor did it come off scot
+free from the Scots, who were a tribe of Celt� from Ireland, and who
+consequently must be regarded as a mixed race of Gallo-Hibernian
+Caledonians. They had, in fact, been Irishmen before they had been
+Scotchmen, and Frenchmen previous to either. Such were the translations
+that occurred even at that early period in the greatest drama of all&mdash;the
+drama of history.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* "The Picts," says Dr. Henry, "were so called from Pictich,
+a plunderer, and not from <i>picti</i>, painted." History, in
+assigning the latter origin to their name, has failed to
+exhibit them in their true colours.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Britain continued for years suspended like a white hart&mdash;a simile
+justified by its constant trepidation and alarm&mdash;with which the
+Romans and others might enjoy an occasional game at bob-cherry. Maximus
+(a.d. 382) made a successful bite at it, but turning aside in search of
+the fruits of ambition elsewhere, the Scots and Picts again began nibbling
+at the Bigaroon that had been the subject of so much snappishness.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Britons being shortly afterwards left once more to themselves, elected
+Marcus as their sovereign (a.d. 407); but monarchs in those days were set
+up like the king of skittles, only to be knocked down again. Marcus was
+accordingly bowled out of existence by those who had raised him; and one,
+Gratian, having succeeded to the post of royal ninepin, was in four months
+as dead as the article to which we have chosen to compare him. After a few
+more similar ups and downs, the Romans, about the year 420, nearly five
+centuries after C�sar's first invasion, finally cried quits with the
+Britons by abandoning the island.
+</p>
+<p>
+In pursuing his labours over the few ensuing years, the author would be
+obliged to grope in the dark; but history is not a game at
+blind-man's-buff, and we will never condescend to make it so. It is true,
+that with the handkerchief of obscurity bandaging our eyes, we might turn
+round in a state of rigmarole, and catch what we can; but as it would be
+mere guesswork by which we could describe the object of which we should
+happen to lay hold, we will not attempt the experiment.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is unquestionable that Britain was a prey to dissensions at home and
+ravages from abroad, while every kind of faction&mdash;except satisfaction&mdash;was
+rife within the island.
+</p>
+<p>
+Such was the misery of the inhabitants, that they published a pamphlet
+called "The Groans of the Britons" (a.d. 441), in which they invited
+�tius, the Roman consul, to come over and turn out the barbarians, between
+whom and the sea, the islanders were tossed like a shuttlecock knocked
+about by a pair of battledores. �tius, in consequence of previous
+engagements with Attila and others, was compelled to decline the
+invitation, and the Britons therefore had a series of routs, which were
+unattended by the Roman cohorts.
+</p>
+<p>
+The southern part of the island was now torn between a Roman faction under
+Aurelius Ambrosius, and a British or "country party," at the head of which
+was Vortigern. The latter is said to have called in the Saxons; and it is
+certain that (a.d. 449) he hailed the two brothers Hengist and Horsa, *
+who were cruising as Saxon pirates in the British Channel. These
+individuals being ready for any desperate job, accepted the invitation of
+Vortigern, to pass some time with him in the Isle of Thanet. They were
+received as guests by the people of Sandwich, who would as soon have
+thought of quarrelling with their bread and butter as with the friends of
+the gallant Vortigern. From this date commences the Saxon period of the
+history of Britain.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Horen, means a horse; and the white horse, even now,
+appears as the ensign of Kent, as it once did on the shield
+of the Saxons. It is probable that when Horsa came to
+London, he may have put up somewhere near the present site
+of the White Horse Cellar. Vide "Palgrave's Rise and
+Progress of the English Commonwealth."
+</pre>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0003" id="link2HCH0003"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE THIRD. THE SAXONS&mdash;THE HEPTARCHY.
+</h2>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>N obedience to custom, the etymologists have been busy with the word
+Saxon, which they have derived from <i>seax</i>, a sword, and we are left
+to draw the inference that the Saxons were very sharp blades; a
+presumption that is fully sustained by their fierce and warlike character.
+Their chief weapons were a battleaxe and a hammer, in the use of which
+they were so adroit that they could always hit the right nail upon the
+head, when occasion required. Their shipping had been formerly exceedingly
+crazy, and indeed the crews must have been crazy to have trusted
+themselves in such fragile vessels. The bottoms of the boats were of very
+light timber, and the sides consisted of wicker, so that the fleet must
+have combined the strength of the washing-tub with the elegant lightness
+of the clothes' basket. Like their neighbours the wise men of Gotham, or
+Gotha, who went to sea in a bowl, the Saxons had not scrupled to commit
+themselves to the mercy of the waves, in these unsubstantial
+cockle-shells. The boatbuilders, however, soon took rapid strides, and
+improved their craft by mechanical cunning.
+</p>
+<p>
+Another fog now comes over the historian, but the gas of sagacity is very
+useful in dispelling the clouds of obscurity. It is said that Hengist gave
+an evening party to Vortigern, who fell in love with Bowena, the daughter
+of his host&mdash;a sad flirt, who, throwing herself on her knee,
+presented the wine-cup to the king, wishing him, in a neat speech, all
+health and happiness. Vortigern's head was completely turned by the beauty
+of Miss Bowena Hengist, and the strength of the beverage she had so
+bewitchingly offered him.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0011" id="linkimage-0011"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/040m.jpg" alt="040m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/040.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+A story is also told of a Saxon <i>soir�e</i> having been given by Hengist
+to the Britons, to which the host and his countrymen came, with short
+swords or knives concealed in their hose, and at a given signal drew their
+weapons upon their unsuspecting guests. Many historians have doubted this
+dreadful tale, and it certainly is scarcely credible that the Saxons
+should have been able to conceal in their stockings the short swords or
+carving-knives, which must have been very inconvenient to their calves.
+Stonehenge is the place at which this cruel act of the hard-hearted and
+stony Hengist is reported to have occurred; and as antiquarians are always
+more particular about dates when they are most likely to be wrong, the 1st
+of May has been fixed upon as the very day on which this horrible <i>r�union</i>
+was given. It has been alleged, that Vortigern, in order to marry Bowena,
+settled Kent upon Hengist; but it is much more probable that Hengist
+settled himself upon Kent without the intervention of any formality.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is certain that he became King of the County, to which he affixed
+Middlesex, Essex, and a part of Surrey; so that, as sovereigns went in
+those early days, he could scarcely be called a petty potentate. The
+success of Hengist induced several of his countrymen, after his death, to
+attempt to walk in his shoes; but it has been well and wisely said, that
+in following the footsteps of a great man an equally capacious
+understanding is requisite.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Saxons who tried this experiment were divided into Saxons proper,
+Angles, and Jutes, who all passed under the common appellation of Angles
+and Saxons. The word Angles was peculiarly appropriate to a people so
+naturally sharp, and the whole science of mathematics can give us no
+angles so acute as those who figured in the early pages of our history.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the year 447, Ella the Saxon landed in Sussex with his three sons, and
+drove the Britons into a forest one hundred and twenty miles long and
+thirty broad, according to the old writers, but in our opinion just about
+as broad as it was long, for otherwise there could have been no room for
+it in the place where the old writers have planted it. Ella, however,
+succeeded in clutching a very respectable slice, which was called the
+kingdom of South Saxony, which included Surrey, Sussex, and the New
+Forest; while another invading firm, under the title of Cerdic and Son,
+started a small vanquishing business in the West, and by conquering
+Hampshire and the Isle of Wight, founded the kingdom of Wessex. Cerdic was
+considerably harassed by King Arthur of fabulous fame, whose valour is
+reported to have been such, that he fought twelve battles with the Saxons,
+and was three times married. His first and third wives were carried away
+from him, but on the principle that no news is good news, the historians
+tell us that as there are no records of his second consort, his alliance
+with her may perhaps have been a happy one. The third and last of his
+spouses ran off with his nephew Mordred, and the enraged monarch having
+met his ungrateful kinsman in battle, they engaged each other with such
+fury, that, like the Kilkenny cats, they slew one another.
+</p>
+<p>
+About the year 527, Greenwine landed on the Essex flats, which he had no
+trouble in reducing, for he found them already on a very low level. In
+547, Ida, with a host of Angles, began fishing for dominion off
+Flamborough head, where he effected a landing. He however settled on a
+small wild space between the Tyne and the Tees, a tiny possession, in
+which he was much teased by the beasts of the forest, for the place having
+been abandoned, Nature had established a Zoological Society of her own in
+this locality. The kingdom thus formed was called Bernicia, and as the
+place was full of wild animals, it is not improbable that the British Lion
+may have originally come from the place alluded to.
+</p>
+<p>
+Ella, another Saxon prince, defeated Lancashire and York, taking the name
+of King of the Deiri, and causing the inhabitants to lick the dust, which
+was the only way they could find of repaying the licking they had received
+from their conqueror. Ethelred, the grandson of Ida, having married the
+daughter of Ella, began to cement the union in the old-established way, by
+robbing his wife's relations of all their property. He seized on the
+kingdom of his brother-in-law, and added it to his own, uniting the petty
+monarchies of Deiri and Bemicia into the single sovereignty of
+Northumberland.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0012" id="linkimage-0012"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/042m.jpg" alt="042m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/042.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Such were the several kingdoms which formed the Heptarchy. Arithmeticians
+will probably tell us that seven into one will never go; but into one the
+seven did eventually go by a process that will be shown in the ensuing
+chapter.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0004" id="link2HCH0004"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE FOURTH. THE UNION OF THE HEPTARCHY UNDER EGBERT.
+</h2>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>F it be a sound philosophical truth, that two of a trade can never agree,
+we may take it for granted that, <i>� fortiori</i>, seven in the same
+business will be perpetually quarrelling. Such was speedily the case with
+the Saxon princes; and it is not improbable that the disturbed condition,
+familiarly known as a state of sixes and sevens, may have derived its
+title from the turmoils of the seven Saxon sovereigns, during the
+existence of the Heptarchy. Nothing can exceed the entanglement into which
+the thread of history was thrown by the battles and skirmishes of these
+princes. The endeavour to lay hold of the thread would be as troublesome
+as the process of looking for a needle, * not merely in a bottle of hay,
+but in the very bosom of a haystack. Let us, however, apply the magnet of
+industry, and test the alleged fidelity of the needle to the pole by
+attempting to implant in the head of the reader a few of the points that
+seem best adapted for striking him.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* "A needle in a bottle of hay," is an old English phrase,
+of which we cannot trace the origin. Bottled hay must have
+been sad dry stuff, but it is possible the wisdom of our
+ancestors may have induced them to bottle their grass as we
+in the present day bottle our gooseberries.
+</pre>
+<p>
+We will take a run through the whole country as it was then divided, and
+will borrow from the storehouse of tradition the celebrated pair of
+seven-leagued boots, for the purpose of a scamper through the seven
+kingdoms of the Heptarchy.
+</p>
+<p>
+We will first drop in upon Kent, whose founder, Hengist, had no worthy
+successor till the time of Ethelbert. This individual acted on the
+principle of give and take, for he was always taking what he could, and
+giving battle. He seated himself by force on the throne of Mercia, into
+which he carried his arms, as if the throne of Kent had not afforded him
+sufficient elbow-room. This, however, he resigned to Webba, the rightful
+heir: but poor Webba (<i>query</i> Webber) was kept like a fly in a
+spider's web, as a tributary prince to the artful Ethelbert. This
+monarch's reign derived, however, its real glory from the introduction of
+Christianity and the destruction of many Saxon superstitions. He kept up a
+friendly correspondence with Gregory, the punster pope, and author of the
+celebrated <i>jeu de mot</i> on the word Angli, in the Roman
+market-place.*
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* The pun in question is almost too venerable for
+repetition, but we insert it in a note, as no History of
+England seems to be complete without it. The pope, on seeing
+the British children exposed for sale in the market-place at
+Rome, said they would not be Angles but Angels if they had
+been Christians. <i>Non Angli sed Angeli forent si fuissent
+Christiani.</i>
+</pre>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0013" id="linkimage-0013"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/044m.jpg" alt="044m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/044.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Ethelbert died in 616, having been not only king of Kent, but having
+filled the office of Bretwalda, a name given to the most influential&mdash;or,
+as we should call him, the president or chairman&mdash;of the sovereigns
+of the Heptarchy. His son, Eadbald, who succeeded, failed in supporting
+the fame of his father. It would be useless to pursue the catalogue of
+Saxons who continued mounting and dismounting the throne of Kent&mdash;one
+being no sooner down than another came on&mdash;in rapid succession. It
+was Egbert, king of Wessex, who, in the year 723, had the art to seat
+himself on all the seven thrones at once; an achievement which,
+considering the ordinary fate of one who attempts to preserve his balance
+upon two stools, has fairly earned the admiration of posterity.
+</p>
+<p>
+Let us now take a skip into Northumberland&mdash;formed by Ethelred in the
+manner we have already alluded to, out of the two kingdoms of Deiri and
+Bemicia&mdash;which, though not enough for two, constituted for one a very
+respectable sovereignty. The crown of Northumberland seems to have been at
+the disposal of any one who thought it worth his while to go and take it;
+provided he was prepared to meet any little objections of the owner by
+making away with him. In this manner, Osred received his <i>quietus</i>
+from Kenred, a kinsman, who was killed in his turn by another of the
+family: and, after a long series of assassinations, the people quietly
+submitted to the yoke of Egbert.
+</p>
+<p>
+The kingdom of East Anglia presents the same rapid panorama of murders
+which settled the succession to all the Saxon thrones; and Mercia,
+comprising the midland counties, furnishes all the materials for a
+melodrama. Offa, one of its most celebrated kings, had a daughter,
+Elfrida, to whom Ethelbert, the sovereign of the East Angles, had made
+honourable proposals, and had been invited to celebrate his nuptials at
+Hereford. In the midst of the festivities Offa asked Ethelbert into a back
+room, in which the latter had scarcely taken a chair when his head was
+unceremoniously removed from his shoulders by the father of his intended.
+</p>
+<p>
+Offa having extinguished the royal family of East Anglia, by snuffing out
+the chief, took possession of the kingdom. In order to expiate his crime
+he made friends with the pope, and exacted a penny from every house
+possessed of thirty pence, or half-a-crown a year, which he sent as a
+proof of penitence to the Roman pontiff. Though at first intended by Offa
+as an offering, it was afterwards claimed as a tribute, under the name of
+Peter's Pence, which were exacted from the people; and the custom may
+perhaps have originated the dishonourable practice of robbing Paul for the
+purpose of paying Peter.
+</p>
+<p>
+After the usual amount of slaughter, one Wiglaff mounted the throne, which
+was in a fearfully rickety condition. So unstable was this undesirable
+piece of Saxon upholstery that Wiglaff had no sooner sat down upon it than
+it gave way with a tremendous crash, and fell into the hands of Egbert,
+who was always ready to seize the remaining stock of royalty that happened
+to be left to an unfortunate sovereign on the eve of an alarming
+sacrifice.
+</p>
+<p>
+The kingdom of Essex can boast of little worthy of narration, and in
+looking through the Venerable Bede, we find a string of names that are
+wholly devoid of interest.
+</p>
+<p>
+The history of Sussex is still more obscure, and we hasten to Wessex,
+where we find Brihtric, or Beortric, sitting in the regal armchair that
+Egbert had a better right to occupy. The latter fled to the court of Offa,
+king of Mercia, to whom the former sent a message, requesting that
+Egbert's head might be brought back by return, with one of Offa's
+daughters, whom Beortric proposed to marry. The young lady was sent as per
+invoice, for she was rather a burden on the Mercian court; but Egbert's
+head, being still in use, was not duly forwarded.
+</p>
+<p>
+Feeling that his life was a toss up, and that he might lose by heads
+coming down, Egbert wisely repaired to the court of the Emperor
+Charlemagne. There he acquired many accomplishments, took lessons in
+fencing, and received that celebrated French polish of which it may be
+fairly said in the language of criticism, that "it ought to be found on
+every gentleman's table."
+</p>
+<p>
+Mrs. Beortric managed to poison her husband by a draft not intended for
+his acceptance, and presented by mistake, which caused a vacancy in the
+throne of Wessex. Egbert having embraced the opportunity, was embraced by
+the people, who received him with open arms, on his arrival from France,
+and hailed him as rightful heir to the Wessexian crown, which he had never
+been able to get out of his head, or on to his head, until the present
+favourable juncture. In a few years he got into hostilities with the
+Mercians, who being, as we are told by the chroniclers, "fat, corpulent,
+and short-winded," soon got the worst of it. The lean and active droops of
+Egbert prevailed over the opposing cohorts, who were at once podgy and
+powerless. As they advanced to the charge, they were met by the blows of
+the enemy, and as "it is an ill wind that blows nobody good," so the very
+ill wind of the Mercians made good for the soldiers of Egbert, who were
+completely victorious.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0014" id="linkimage-0014"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/046m.jpg" alt="046m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/046.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Mercia was now subjugated; Kent and Essex were soon subdued; the East
+Angles claimed protection; Northumberland submitted; Sussex had for some
+time been swamped; and Wessex belonged to Egbert by right of succession.
+Thus, about four hundred years after the arrival of the Saxons, the
+Heptarchy was dissolved, in the year 827, after having been in hot water
+for centuries. It was only when the spirit of Egbert was thrown in, that
+the hot water became a strong and wholesome compound.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0005" id="link2HCH0005"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE FIFTH. THE DANES&mdash;ALFRED.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0015" id="linkimage-0015"> </a>
+</p>
+
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/047m.jpg" alt="047m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/047.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+
+
+<p>
+CARCELY had unanimity begun to prevail in England, when the country was
+invaded by the Danes, whose desperate valour there was no disdaining. Some
+of them, in the year 832, landed on the coast, committed a series of
+ravages, and escaped to their ships without being taken into custody.
+Egbert encountered them on one occasion at Char-mouth, in Dorsetshire, but
+having lost two bishops&mdash;who, by the bye, had no business in a fight&mdash;he
+was glad to make the best of his way home again.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Danes, or Northmen, having visited Cornwall, entered into an alliance
+with some of the Briks, or Britons, of the neigh-bourhood, and marched
+into Devonshire; but Egbert, collecting the cream of the Devonshire youth,
+poured it down upon the heads of his enemies. According to some
+historians, Egbert met with considerable resistance, and it has even been
+said that the Devonshire cream experienced a severe clouting. It is
+certainly sufficient to make the milk of human kindness curdle in the
+veins when we read the various recitals of Danish ferocity. Egbert,
+however, was successful at the battle of Hengsdown Hill, where many were
+put to the sword, by the sword being put to them, in the most unscrupulous
+manner. This was the last grand military drama in which Egbert represented
+the hero. He died in 836, after a long reign, which had been one continued
+shower of prosperity.
+</p>
+<p>
+Ethelwolf, the eldest son of Egbert, now came to the throne, but
+misunderstanding the maxim, <i>Divide et impera</i>, he began to divide
+his kingdom, as the best means of ruling it, and gave a slice consisting
+of Kent and its dependencies to his son Athelstane.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Scandinavian pirates having no longer an opponent like Egbert, ravaged
+Wessex; sailed up the Thames, which, if they could, they would have set on
+fire; gave Canterbury, Rochester, and London a severe dose, in the shape
+of pillage; and got into the heart of Surrey, which lost all heart on the
+approach of the enemy. Ethelwolf, however, taking with him his second son
+Ethelbald, met them at Okely&mdash;probably in the neighbourhood of Oakley
+Street&mdash;and at a place still retaining the name of the New Cut, made
+a fearful incision into the ranks of the enemy. The Danes retired to
+settle in the isle of Thanet, to repose after the settling they had
+received in Surrey, at the hands of the Saxons. Notwithstanding the state
+of his kingdom, Ethelwolf found time for an Italian tour, and taking with
+him his fourth son, Alfred the Great&mdash;then Alfred the Little, for he
+was a child of six&mdash;started to Rome, on that very vague pretext, a
+pilgrimage. He spent a large sum of money abroad, gave the Pope an annuity
+for himself, and another to trim the lamps of St. Peter and St. Paul,
+which has given rise to the celebrated <i>jeu de mot</i> that, "instead of
+roaming about and getting rid of his cash in trimming foreign lamps, he
+ought to have remained at home for the purpose of trimming his enemies."
+</p>
+<p>
+On his return through France, he fell in love with Judith, the daughter of
+Charles the Bald, the king of the Franks, who probably gave a good fortune
+to the bride, for Charles being known as the bald, must of course have
+been without any heir apparent. When Ethelwolf arrived at home with his
+new wife, he found his three sons, or as he had been in the habit of
+calling them, "the boys,"&mdash;indignant at the marriage of their
+governor. According to some historians and chroniclers, Osburgha, his
+first wife, was not dead, but had been simply "put away" to make room for
+Judith. It certainly was a practice of the kings in the middle age, and
+particularly if they happened to be middle-aged kings, to "put away" an
+old wife; but the real difficulty must have been where on earth to put
+her. If Osburgha consented quietly to be laid upon the shelf, she must
+have differed from her sex in general.
+</p>
+<p>
+Athelstane being dead, Ethelbald was now the king's eldest son, and had
+made every arrangement for a fight with his own father for the throne,
+when the old gentleman thought it better to divide his crown than run the
+risk of getting it cracked in battle. "Let us not split each other's
+heads, my son," he affectingly exclaimed, "but rather let us split the
+difference." Ethelbald immediately cried halves when he found his father
+disposed to cry quarter, and after a short debate they came to a division.
+The undutiful son got for himself the richest portion of the kingdom of
+Wessex, leaving his unfortunate sire to sigh over the eastern part, which
+was the poorest moiety of the royal property. The ousted Ethelwolf did not
+survive more than two years the change which had made him little better
+than half-a-sove-reign, for he died in 867, and was succeeded by his son
+Ethelbald. This person was, to use an old simile, as full of mischief "as
+an egg is full of meat," and indeed somewhat fuller, for we never yet
+found a piece of beef, mutton, or veal, in the whole course of our oval
+experience. Ethelbald, however, reigned only two years, having first
+married and subsequently divorced his father's widow Judith, whose
+venerable parent Charles the Bald, was happily indebted to his baldness
+for being spared the misery of having his grey hairs brought down in
+sorrow to the grave by the misfortunes of his daughter. This young lady,
+for she was still young in spite of her two marriages, her widowhood, and
+divorce, had retired to a convent near Paris, when a gentleman of the name
+of Baldwin, belonging to an old standard family, ran away with her. He was
+threatened with excommunication by the young lady's father, but treating
+the menaces of Charles the Bald as so much balderdash, Mr. Baldwin sent a
+herald to the Pope, who allowed the marriage to be legally solemnised.
+</p>
+<p>
+We have given a few lines to Judith because, by her last marriage, she
+gave a most illustrious line to us; for her son having married the
+youngest daughter of Alfred the Great, was the ancestor of Maud, the wife
+of William the Conqueror.
+</p>
+<p>
+Ethelbald was succeeded by Ethelbert, whose reign, though it lasted only
+five years, may be compared to a rain of cats and dogs, for he was
+constantly engaged in quarrelling. The Danes completely sacked and
+ransacked Winchester, causing Ethelbert to exclaim, with a melancholy
+smile, to one of his courtiers, "This is indeed the bitterest cup of sack
+I ever tasted." He died in 866 or 867, and was succeeded by his brother
+Ethelred, who found matters arrived at such a pitch, that he fought nine
+pitched battles with the Danes in less than a twelvemonth. He died in the
+year 871, of severe wounds, and the crown fell from his head on to that of
+his younger brother Alfred. The regal diadem was sadly tarnished when it
+came to the young king, who resolved that it should not long continue to
+lack lacker; and by his glorious deeds he soon restored the polish that
+had been rubbed off by repeated leathering. He had scarcely time to sit
+down upon the throne when he was called into the field to fulfil a very
+particular engagement with the Danes at Wilton. They were compelled to
+stipulate for a safe retreat, and went up to London for the winter, where
+they so harassed Burrhed the king of Mercia, in whose dominions London was
+situated, that the poor fellow ran down the steps of his throne, left his
+sceptre in the regal hall, and, repairing to Rome, finished his days in a
+cloister.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Danes still continued the awful business of dyeing and scouring, for
+they scoured the country round, and dyed it with the blood of the
+inhabitants. Alfred, finding himself in the most terrible straits,
+conceived the idea of getting out of the straits by means of ships, of
+which he collected a few, and for a time he went on swimmingly.
+</p>
+<p>
+He taught Britannia her first lesson in ruling the waves, by destroying
+the fleet of Guthrum the Dane, who had promised to make his <i>exit</i>
+from the kingdom on a previous defeat, but by a disgraceful quibble he
+had, instead of making his <i>exit</i>, retired to Exeter. From this place
+he now retreated, and took up his quarters at Gloucester, while Alfred, it
+being now about Christmas time, had repaired to spend the holidays at
+Chippenham. It was on Twelfth-night, which the Saxons were celebrating no
+doubt with cake and wine, when a loud knocking was heard at the gate, and
+on some one going to answer the door, Guthrum and his Danes rushed in with
+overwhelming celerity. Alfred, who had been probably favouring the company
+with a song&mdash;for he was fond of minstrelsy&mdash;made an involuntary
+shake on hearing the news, and ran off, followed by a small band, in an
+allegro movement, which almost amounted to a galop.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0016" id="linkimage-0016"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/050m.jpg" alt="050m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/050.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The Saxon monarch finding himself deserted by his coward subjects, and
+without an army, broke up his establishment, dismissed every one of his
+servants, and, exchanging his regal trappings for a bag of old clothes,
+went about the country in various disguises. He had taken refuge as a
+peasant in the hut of a swineherd or pig-driver, whose wife had put some
+cakes on the fire to toast, and had requested Alfred to turn them while
+she was otherwise employed in trying to turn a penny.
+</p>
+<p>
+His Majesty being bent upon his bow, never thought of the cakes, which
+were burnt up to a cinder, and the old woman, looking as black as the
+cakes themselves, taunted the king with the smallness of the care he took,
+and the largeness of his appetite. "You can eat them fast enough," she
+exclaimed, "and I think you might have given the cakes a turn." * "I
+acknowledge my fault," replied Alfred, "for you and your husband have done
+me a good turn, and one good turn, I am well aware, deserves another."
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Though all the historians have given this anecdote, they
+vary in the words attributed to the old woman, and make no
+allusion to the reply of Alfred. So accomplished a monarch
+would hardly have found nothing at all to say for himself;
+and though he did not turn the cakes, he most probably
+turned the conversation in the manner we have described.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The monarch retired to a swamp, which he called AEthelingay&mdash;now
+Athelney&mdash;or the Isle of Nobles, and some of his retainers, who stuck
+to their sovereign through thick and thin, joined him in the morasses and
+marshes he had selected for his residence. Alfred did not despair, though
+in the middle of a swamp he had no good ground for hope, until he heard
+that Hubba, the Dane, after making a hubbub in Wales, had been killed by a
+sudden sally in an alley near the mouth of the Tau, in Devonshire. Alfred,
+on this intelligence, left his retreat, and having recourse to his old
+clothes bag, disguised himself as the "Wandering Minstrel," in which
+character he made a very successful appearance at the camp of Guthrum. The
+jokes of Alfred, though they would sound very old Joe Millerisms in the
+present day, were quite new at that remote period, and the Danes were
+constantly in fits; so that the Saxon king was preparing, by splitting
+their sides, to eventually break up the ranks of his enemy. He could also
+sing a capital song, which with his comic recitations, conundrums, and
+charades, rendered him a general favourite; and his vocal powers may be
+said to have been instrumental to the accomplishment of his object.
+</p>
+<p>
+Having returned to his friends, he led them forth against Guthrum, who
+retreated to a fortified position with a handful of men, and Alfred, by a
+close blockade, took care not to let the handful of men slip through his
+fingers.
+</p>
+<p>
+Guthrum, tired of the raps on the knuckles he had received, threw himself
+on the kind indulgence of a British public, and appeared before the Saxon
+king in the character of an apologist. Alfred's motto was, "Forget and
+Forgive;" but he wisely insisted on the Danes embracing Christianity,
+knowing that if their conversion should be sincere, they would never be
+guilty of any further atrocities. He stood godfather himself to Guthrum,
+who adopted the old family name of Athelstane, and all animosities were
+forgotten in the festivities of a general christening. A partition of the
+kingdom took place, and Alfred gave a good share, including all the east
+side of the island, to his new godson. The Danes settled tranquilly in
+their new possessions, though in the very next year (879), a small party
+sailed up the Thames and landed on the shores of Fulham; but finding the
+hardy sons of that suburban coast in a posture of defence, the Northmen
+took to their heels, or rather to their keels, by returning to their
+vessels. The would-be invaders repaired to Ghent to try their luck in the
+Low Countries, for which their ungentle-manly conduct in violating their
+treaties most peculiarly fitted them.
+</p>
+<p>
+Alfred employed the period of peace in building and in law, both of which
+are generally ruinous, but which were exceedingly profitable in his
+judicious hands. He restored London, over which he placed his son-in-law,
+Ethelred, as Earl Eolderman or Alderman, and he established a regular
+militia all over the country, who, if they resembled the militia of modern
+times, must have kept away the invaders by placing them in the position
+familiarly known as "more frightened than hurt."
+</p>
+<p>
+In the year 893, however, the Danes under Hasting, having ravaged all
+France, and eaten up every morsel of food they could find in that country,
+were compelled to come over to England in search of a meal. A portion of
+the invaders in two hundred and fifty ships, landed near Romney Marsh, at
+a river called Limine, and there being no one to oppose them in Limine,
+they proceeded to Appledore. Hasting, with eighty sail, took Milton; but
+he was soon routed out, and cutting across the Thames, he removed to
+Banfleet, which was only "over the way;" where he was broken in upon by
+Alderman Ethelred at the head of some London citizens. The cockney cohorts
+seized the wife and two sons of Hasting, who would have been killed but
+for the magnanimity of Alfred, though it has been hinted that in sending
+them back to his foe, the Saxon king calculated that as women and children
+are only in the way when business is going forward, their presence might
+add to the embarrassments of the Danish chieftain. That such was really
+the case, may be gleaned from the fact that on a subsequent occasion
+Hasting and his followers were compelled to leave their wives and families
+behind them in the river Lea, into which the Danish fleet had sailed when
+Alfred ingeniously drew all the water off, and left the enemy literally
+aground. This manouvre was accomplished partially by digging three
+channels from the Lea to the Thames, and partially by the removal of the
+water in buckets, though the bucket got very frequently kicked by those
+engaged in this perilous enterprise.
+</p>
+<p>
+The river Lea would have been sufficiently deep for the purposes of
+Hasting had not Alfred been deeper still, and the fleet, which had been
+the floating capital of the Danes, became a deposit in the banks for the
+benefit of the Saxons. In the spring of 897 Hasting quitted England; but
+several pirates remained; and two ships being taken at the Isle of Wight,
+Alfred, on being asked what should be done with the crews, exclaimed, "Oh!
+they may go and be hanged at Winchester!" The king's orders having been
+taken literally, the marauders were carried to Winchester, and hanged
+accordingly.
+</p>
+<p>
+Alfred, having tranquillised the country, died in the year 901, after a
+glorious reign of nearly thirty years, and is known to this day as Alfred
+the Great, an epithet which has never yet been earned by one of his
+successors.
+</p>
+<p>
+The character of this prince seems to have been as near perfection as
+possible. His reputation as a sage has not been injured by time, nor has
+the mist of ages obscured the brightness of his military glory. He was a
+lover of literature, and a constant reader of every magazine of knowledge
+that he could lay his hands upon. An anecdote is told of his mother,
+Osburgha, having bought a book of Saxon poetry, illustrated according to
+the taste of our own times, with numerous drawings. Alfred and his
+brothers were all exclaiming, "Oh give it me!" with infantine eagerness,
+when his parent hit on the expedient of promising that he who could read
+it first should receive it as a present. Alfred, proceeding on the modern
+principle of acquiring "Spanish without a Master," and "French
+comparatively in no time," succeeded in picking up Anglo-Saxon in six
+self-taught lessons. He accordingly won the book, which was, no doubt, of
+a nature well calculated to "repay perusal."
+</p>
+<p>
+Nor were war and literature the only pursuits in which Alfred indulged;
+but he added the mechanical arts to his other accomplishments. The
+sun-dial was probably known to Alfred; but that acute prince soon saw, or,
+rather, found from not seeing, that a sun-dial in the dark was worse than
+useless. Not content with being always alive to the time of day, he became
+desirous of knowing the time of night, and used to burn candles of a
+certain length with notches in them to mark the hours. * These were indeed
+melting moments, but the wind often blew the candles out, or caused them
+to burn irregularly. Sometimes they would get very long wicks, and, if
+every one had gone to bed, no one being up to snuff, might render the long
+wicks rather dangerous. In this dilemma he asked himself what could be
+done, and his friend Asser, the monk, having said half sportively, "Ah!
+you are on the horns of a dilemma," Alfred enthusiastically replied, "I
+have it; yes; I will turn the horns to my own advantage, and make a horn
+lanthorn." Thus, to make use of a figure of a recent writer, Alfred never
+found himself in a difficulty without, somehow or other, making light of
+it.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* The practice of telling the time by burning candles was
+ingenious, but could not have been always convenient. It
+must have been very awkward when a thief got into one of the
+candles, thus exposing time to another thief besides
+procrastination. After Alfred's invention of the lanthorn,
+it might have been worn as a watch, in the same manner as
+the modern policeman wears the bull's-eye.
+</pre>
+<p>
+He founded the navy, and, besides being the architect of his own fortunes,
+he studied architecture for the benefit of his subjects, for he caused so
+many houses to be erected, that during his reign the country seemed to be
+let out on one long building lease. He revised the laws, and his system of
+police was so good, that it has been said any one might have hung out
+jewels on the highway without any fear of their being stolen. Much,
+however, depends on the kind of jewellery then in use, for some future
+historian may say of the present generation, that such was its honesty,
+precious stones,&mdash;that is to say, precious large stones,&mdash;might
+be left in the streets without any one offering to take them up and walk
+away with them.
+</p>
+<p>
+Alfred gave encouragement not only to native, but to foreign talent, and
+sent out Swithelm, bishop of Sherbum, to India, by what is now called the
+overland journey, and the good bishop was therefore the original Indian
+male&mdash;or Saxon Waghom. He brought from India several gems, and a
+quantity of pepper&mdash;the gems being generously given by Alfred to his
+friends, and the pepper freely bestowed on his enemies.
+</p>
+<p>
+He died on the 26th of October, 901, in the fifty-third year of his age,
+and thirtieth of his reign, having fought in person fifty-six times; so
+that his life must have been one continued round of sparring with one or
+other of his enemies. All the chroniclers and historians have agreed in
+pronouncing unqualified praise upon Alfred; and unless puffing had reached
+a perfection, and acquired an effrontery which it has scarcely shown in
+the present day, he must be considered a paragon of perfection who never
+yet had a parallel. It is certain we have had but one Alfred, from the
+Saxon period to the present; but we have now a prospect of another, who,
+let us hope, may evince, at some future time, something more than a merely
+nominal resemblance to him who has been the subject of this somewhat
+lengthy chapter.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0006" id="link2HCH0006"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE SIXTH. FROM KING EDWARD THE ELDER TO THE NORMAN CONQUEST.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0017" id="linkimage-0017"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/054m.jpg" alt="054m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/054.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+N the death of Alfred, his second son, Edward, took possession of the
+throne, when he was served with a notice of ejectment by his cousin
+Ethelwald. Preparations were made for commencing and defending an action
+at Wimbum, when Ethelwald, intimidated by the strength of his opponent,
+declined to go on with the proceedings, and judgment, as in case of a
+nonsuit, was claimed on Edward's behalf. Subsequently, however, Ethelwald
+moved, apparently with a view to a new trial, towards Bury, where some of
+the Kentish men had ventured; and an action having come off, he incurred
+very heavy damage, which ended in his paying the costs of the day with his
+own existence. Edward derived much aid from Ethelfleda, a sister, who
+acted as a sister, by assisting him in his wars against his enemies. This
+energetic specimen of the British female inherited all the spirit of her
+father, as well as his mantle, which we find in looking into our own
+Mackintosh. * She is called "The Lady of Mercia" by the old chroniclers;
+but as she was always foremost in a fight, there seems something slyly
+satirical in giving the name of lady to a person of the most fearfully
+unladylike propensities. She beat the Welsh unmercifully, filling their
+country with wailings as well as covering their backs with wails, and she
+took prisoner the king's wife, with whom it may be presumed she came
+furiously to the scratch before the capture was accomplished. Ethelfleda
+died in the year 920, and her brother in 925, the latter being succeeded
+by his natural son, Athelstane, who had no sooner got the crown on his
+head, than he found several persons preparing to have a snatch at it. He,
+however, defeated all his enemies, and devoted his time to polishing his
+throne, adding lustre to his crown, and giving brightness to his sceptre.
+It was in this reign that England first became an asylum for foreign
+refugees, to whom Athelstane always extended his hospitality. Louis
+d'Outremer, the French king, and several Celtic princes of Armorica or
+Brittany, played at hide-and-seek in London lodgings, while keeping out of
+the way of their rebellious subjects.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Sir James Mackintosh's "History of England," Vol. I. chap,
+ii., p. 49,
+</pre>
+<p>
+It is probable that the part of the metropolis called Little Britain, may
+have derived its name from the princes having established a little
+Brittany of their own in that locality. Athelstane appears also to have
+taken a limited number of pupils into his own palace to board and educate,
+for Harold, the king of Norway, consigned his son Haco to the care and
+tuition of the Saxon monarch.
+</p>
+<p>
+Athelstane died in the year 940, in his forty-seventh year, and was
+succeeded by Edmund the Atheling, a youth of eighteen, whose taste for
+elegance and splendour obtained for him the name of the Magnificent. He
+gave very large dinner parties to his nobles, and at one of these his eye
+fell upon one Leof, a notorious robber, returned from banishment, one of
+the Saxon swell mob who had been transported, but had escaped; and who,
+from some remissness on the part of the police, had obtained admission to
+the palace. Edmund commanded the proper officer to turn him out, but Leof&mdash;tempted
+no doubt by the sideboard of plate&mdash;insisted on remaining at the
+banquet. Edmund, who, as the chroniclers tell us, was heated by wine,
+jumped up from his seat, and forgetting the king in the constable, seized
+Leof by his collar and his hair, intending to turn him out neck and crop.
+Leof still refusing to "move on," the impetuous Edmund commenced wrestling
+with the intruder, who, irritated at a sudden and severe kick on his
+shins, drew a dagger from under his cloak, and stabbed the sovereign in a
+vital part. The nobles, who had formed a circle round the combatants, and
+had been encouraging their king with shouts of "Bravo, Edmund!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Give it him, your majesty!" were so infuriated at the foul play of the
+thief, and his un-English recourse to the knife, that they fell upon him
+at once, and cut him literally to pieces.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0018" id="linkimage-0018"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/056m.jpg" alt="056m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/056.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Edred, the brother and successor of Edmund, though not twenty-three years
+of age, was in a wretched state of health when he came to the throne. He
+had lost his teeth, and of course had none to show when threatened by his
+enemies; and he was so weak in the feet, that he literally seemed to be
+without a leg to stand upon. Nevertheless he succeeded in vanquishing the
+Danes, who could not hurt a hair of his head; but, as the chroniclers tell
+us that every bit of his hair had fallen off, his security in this respect
+is easily accounted for. The vigour that marked his reign has, however,
+been attributed to Dunstan, the abbot, who now began to figure as a
+political character.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edred soon died, and left the kingdom to his little brother Edwy, a lad of
+fifteen, who soon married Elgiva, a young lady of good family, and took
+his wife's mother home to live with them. On the day of his coronation he
+had given a party, and the gentlemen, including Odo, Archbishop of
+Canterbury, and Dunstan, the monk, were still sitting over their wine,
+when Edwy slipped out to join the ladies. Odo and Dunstan, who were both
+six-bottle men, became angry at the absence of their royal host, and the
+latter, at the suggestion of the former, went staggering after the king to
+lug him back to the banquet-room. Edwy was quietly seated with his wife
+and her mother in the boudoir&mdash;for it being a gentlemen's party, no
+ladies seem to have been among the guests&mdash;and the monk, hiccuping
+out some gross abuse of the queen and her mamma, collared the young king,
+who was dragged back to the wine-table.
+</p>
+<p>
+Though this outrage may have been half festive, interlarded with
+exclamations of "Come along, old boy," "Don't leave us, old chap," and
+other similar phrases of social familiarity, Edwy never forgave the monk,
+whom he called upon to account for money received in his late capacity of
+treasurer to the royal household. Dunstan being what is usually termed a
+"jolly dog," and a "social companion," was of course most irregular in
+money matters; and finding it quite impossible to make out his books, he
+ran away to avoid the inconvenience of a regular settlement.
+</p>
+<p>
+Dunstan, nevertheless, resolved to pay his royal master off on the first
+opportunity; and a rising having been instigated by his friend and
+pot-companion, Archbishop Odo, Edgar, the brother of Edwy, was declared
+independent sovereign of the whole of the island north of the Thames.
+Dunstan returned from his brief exile; but, in the mean time, Edwy had
+been deprived of his wife, Elgiva, by forcible abduction, at the
+instigation of the odious Odo. The lovely unfortunate had her face branded
+with a hot iron, and the most cruel means were taken to deprive her of the
+beauty which was supposed to be the cause of her ascendancy over the heart
+of her royal husband. Some historians have attributed this outrage to the
+designs of Dunstan, and among the many irons that monk was known to have
+had in the fire, may have been the very irons with which this horrible
+barbarity was perpetrated. Her scars were, however, obliterated by some
+Kalydor known at the time, and probably the invention of some knightly Sir
+Rowland of that early era. She was on the point of rejoining Edwy at
+Gloucester, when she was savagely murdered by the enemies of her husband,
+who did not long survive her, for in the following year, 958, he perished
+either by assassination or a broken heart.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edgar, a mere lad, of whom Dunstan had made a ladder for his own ambition,
+now succeeded to his brother's dignities, if a series of nothing but
+indignities can deserve to be so called. The wily monk had now become
+Archbishop of Canterbury, and encouraged the new king to make royal
+progresses among his subjects, in the course of which he is said to have
+gone up on the river Dee, in an eight-oared cutter, rowed by eight crowned
+sovereigns. In this illustrious water party Kenneth, king of Scotland,
+pulled the stroke oar, their majesties of Cumbria, Anglesey, Galloway,
+Westmere, and the three Welsh sovereigns, making up the remainder of the
+royal crew, over which Edgar himself presided as coxswain.
+</p>
+<p>
+Though the young king gave great satisfaction in his public capacity, his
+private character was exceedingly reprehensible. His inconstancy towards
+the fair got him into sad disgrace, and his friend Dunstan on one occasion
+administered to him a severe reprimand. The monk, however, finished by
+fining him a crown, prohibiting him from putting on, during a period of
+seven years, that very uncomfortable article of the regalia. As the head
+is proverbially uneasy which wears a crown, the sentence passed upon the
+king must have been a boon rather than a punishment.
+</p>
+<p>
+Among the events connected with the reign of Edgar, his marriage with
+Elfrida must always stand conspicuous. He had heard much of a provincial
+beauty, the daughter of Olgar, or Ordgar, Earl of Devonshire, and the king
+sent his favourite, the Earl of Athelwold, to see this rustic <i>belle</i>,
+with a view of ascertaining whether the flower would be worth
+transplanting to the palace of the sovereign. Athelwold, on seeing the
+young lady, fell in love with her himself, from her extreme beauty; but
+wrote up to Edgar, declaring that she might well be called "the mistress
+of the village plain," for her plainness was absolutely painful; and
+indeed he added in a P.S., "She is so disfigured by a squint, as to give
+me the idea of the very squintes-sence of ugliness." Athelwold attributed
+her reputation for beauty to her fortune, and declared that her money
+turned her red hair into golden locks, causing her to be well "worthy the
+attention of Persons about to Marry."
+</p>
+<p>
+Edgar soon gave his consent to Athelwold's espousing the lady, on the
+ground of her being a good match for him; but she proved more than a match
+for him a short time afterwards. Edgar, at the expiration of the
+honeymoon, proposed to visit his friend, who made excuses as long as he
+could, inasmuch that he was seldom at home, and that he could not exactly
+say when his majesty would be sure of catching him. The king, however,
+good-naturedly promising to be satisfied with pot-luck, fixed a day for
+his visit; ana Athelwold, confessing all to his wife, begged her to
+disguise her charms, by putting on her shabbiest gown, and to behave
+herself in such a manner as to make the king believe he had lost nothing
+in not having married her.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I should like to see myself appearing as a dowdy before my sovereign,"
+was the lady's feminine reply, and she paid more than usual attention to
+her <i>toilette</i> in order to attract the favourable notice of Edgar.
+The monarch finding himself deceived by Athelwold, asked him to come and
+hunt in a wood, when, without any preliminary beating about the bush, and
+exclaiming, "You made game of me, thus do I make game of you," he stabbed
+the unfortunate earl, and returned home to marry his widow. Edgar did not
+live many years after this ungentlemanly conduct, but died at the early
+age of two-and-thirty. Though he had been favourable to priestcraft, and
+patronised the cunning foxes of the Church, he was an enemy to wolves, and
+offered so much per head for all that were killed, until the race was
+exterminated, and the cry of "Wolf" became synonymous with a false alarm
+of danger.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edgar was succeeded (a.d. 975) by Edward, his son by his first wife, who
+was not more than fourteen or fifteen years old; and thus, at that age
+before which an individual in the present day is not legally qualified to
+drive a cab, this royal hobbledehoy assumed the reins of government. His
+mother-in-law, Elfrida, endeavoured to grasp them for her own son
+Ethelred, an infant of six, but Dunstan having at that moment the whip
+hand, prevented her from reaching the point she was driving at.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward, who acquired the name of the Martyr, was accordingly crowned at
+Kingston, where coronations formerly came off; but he did not long
+survive, for hunting one day near Corfe Castle, he made a morning call on
+his mother-in-law, Elfrida, and requested that a drop of something to
+drink might be brought to him. As Elfrida was offering him the ale in
+front, her porter dropped upon him in the back, and inflicted a stab which
+caused him to set spurs to his horse; but falling off from loss of blood,
+he was drawn&mdash;a lifeless bier&mdash;for a considerable distance.
+Elfrida has been acquitted by some of having been the instigator of this
+cruel act, but as it is said she whipped her little son Ethelred for
+crying at the news of the death of his half-brother Edward, we can
+scarcely admit that there is any doubt of which we can give her the
+benefit. Both mother and son became so exceedingly unpopular that an
+attempt was made to set up a rival on the throne, to the exclusion of
+Ethelred, and the crown was offered to the late king's natural daughter,
+whose name was Edgitha.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edgitha, however, having observed that the regal diadem was looked upon as
+a target, at which any one might take the liberty to aim, preferred the
+comfortable hood of the nun&mdash;for she was the inmate of a monastery&mdash;to
+the jewelled cap of royalty. The crown was accordingly placed by Dunstan,
+at Easter, a.d. 979, on the weak head of Ethelred; and it is said that the
+monk was in such a fit of ill-temper at the coronation, that he muttered
+some frightful maledictions against the boy-king, while in the very act of
+crowning him, The youthful sovereign was also indebted to Dunstan for the
+nickname of the Unready, which was probably equivalent to the term "slow
+coach," that is sometimes used to denote a person of sluggish disposition
+and not very brilliant mental faculties.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0019" id="linkimage-0019"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/059m.jpg" alt="059m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/059.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Ethelred was wholly incompetent to wear the crown, which was so much too
+heavy for his weak head, that he appeared to be completely bonneted under
+the burden. It sat upon him more like a porter's knot than a regal diadem;
+while the sceptre, instead of being gracefully wielded by a firm hand, was
+to him no better than a huge poker in the fragile fingers of a baby.
+</p>
+<p>
+During the early part of his reign, his mother Elfrida exercised
+considerable influence, but she at length retired from government, and
+took to the building business, erecting and endowing monasteries in order
+to expiate her sins. She became a sort of infatuated female Gubitt, and at
+every fresh qualm of conscience ran up another floor, which was,
+familiarly speaking, the "old story" with persons in her unfortunate
+predicament. The money expended in the erection of religious houses was
+thought to be an eligible investment in those days for sinners, who having
+no solid foundation for their hopes, were glad to take any ground to build
+upon.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Danes had for some time been tranquil, but their natural fearlessness,
+made them ready for anything, and seeing Ethelred in a state of utter
+unreadiness on the throne, they indulged the hope of driving oft the "slow
+coach" in an early stage of his sovereignty.
+</p>
+<p>
+It happened that young Sweyn, a scapegrace son of the king of Denmark, had
+been turned out of doors by his father, and having become by the
+injudicious step of his parent a gentleman at large, amused himself by
+occasional attacks upon the kingdom of Ethelred. This sovereign, who,
+instead of being born with a silver spoon in his mouth, appears to have
+been born one entire spoon of the real fiddleheaded pattern, * commenced
+the dangerous practice of paying the foe to leave him alone, which was of
+course holding out the prospect of a premium to all who took the trouble
+to bully him. He paid down �10,000 in silver to the sea-kings, on
+condition of their retiring from his country, which they did until they
+had spent all the money, when they returned, threatening to pay him off,
+or be paid off themselves, an arrangement that Ethelred three times
+mustered the means of carrying into operation.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Others think this royal spoon was not fiddle headed, but
+that he was the earliest specimen of the king's pattern, of
+his enemy. Emma, who was called the "Flower of Normandy,"
+consented to transplant herself to England, and became the
+acknowledged daisy of the British Court.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Young Sweyn had now become king of Denmark, and had made friends with
+Olave, king of Norway, the son of old Olave, a deceased pirate, who had
+made his fortune by sweeping the very profitable crossing from his own
+country to England. These two scamps ravaged the southern coast in 994,
+and Ethelred, the unready king, was obliged to buy them off with ready
+money. In the year 1001, they made another demand of �24,000, which left
+the sovereign not a single dump, except those into which he naturally fell
+at the draining of his treasury.
+</p>
+<p>
+Ethelred, who, if he was unready for everything else, appears to have been
+always ready for a quarrel, had contrived to fall out with Richard the
+Second, Duke of Normandy, and he was on the point of taking up arms, when
+he laid his hand at the feet of Emma.
+</p>
+<p>
+We would willingly take an enormous dip of ink, and letting it fall on our
+paper, blot out for ever from our annals the Danish massacre, which
+occurred at about the period to which our history has arrived.
+Unfortunately, however, were we to overturn an entire inkstand, we should
+only add to the blackness of the page, which tells us that the Danes were
+savagely murdered at a time when they were living as fellow-subjects among
+the people.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was on the feast of St. Brice, soon after his marriage with Emma, that
+the order to commit this sanguinary act was given by Ethelred. It is true
+that the Danish mercenaries had given great provocation by their
+insolence. They had, according to the old chroniclers, * sunk into such
+effeminacy that they washed themselves once a week and combed their heads
+still more frequently. We cannot perhaps accuse the chroniclers of being
+over nice in their objections to the Danish habits of cleanliness, but we
+really are at a loss to see the effeminacy of taking a bath every seven
+days, and preventing the hair from becoming in appearance little better
+than a quantity of hay in a state of unraked roughness. It was on the 15th
+of November, 1002, which happened to be one of their weekly washing days,
+that the Danes were surprised and treated in the barbarous manner we have
+alluded to. The Lady Gunhilda, the sister of Sweyn, and the wife of an
+English earl of Danish extraction, was one of the victims of the massacre,
+and died fighting to the last with that truly feminine weapon, the tongue,
+predicting that her death would be followed by the downfall of the English
+nation. This act of ferocity naturally exasperated Sweyn, who resolved on
+invading England, and he prepared a considerable fleet, the vessels
+belonging to which appear to have been got up much in the same style as
+the civic barges on the Thames, for they were gaily gilded, and had all
+sorts of emblematical devices painted over them. Sweyn himself arrived in
+the <i>Great Dragon</i>, a boat made in the inconvenient form of that
+disagreeable animal. Had the patron saint of England been at hand to do
+his duty at that early period, the great dragon would have been speedily
+overcome, but it is a familiar observation, that people of this-sort are
+never to be found when they are really wanted.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Wallingford, p. 547.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The invaders landed at Exeter, which was governed by a Norman baron, a
+favourite of the queen; but, as frequently happens in the course of events
+as well as on the race-course, the favourite proved deceptive when the
+enemy took the field, and resigned the place to pillage. The Danish foe
+marched into Wiltshire, and in every town they passed through they ordered
+the best of everything for dinner, when, after eating to excess of all the
+delicacies of the season, they had the indelicacy to settle their hosts
+when the bill was brought to them for settlement. To prevent even the
+possibility of old scores being kept against them, which they might one
+day be called upon to pay off, they burned down the houses, thus making a
+bonfire of all the property, including account books, papers, and wooden
+tallies that the establishment might contain. The entertainers or
+land-lords had no sooner presented a bill; than it was met by a savage
+endorsement on their own backs; and, though drawing and accepting may be
+regarded as a very customary, commercial transaction, still, when the
+drawer draws a huge sword the acceptor is likely to get by far the worst
+of it.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0020" id="linkimage-0020"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/062m.jpg" alt="062m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/062.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+An Anglo-Saxon army was, however, organised at last, to oppose the Danes;
+but Alfric the Mercian&mdash;an old traitor, who had on a former occasion
+played the knave against the king&mdash;was put at the head of it.
+Ethelred had punished the first treachery of the father by putting out the
+eyes of the son; but this castigation of the "wrong boy," the young one
+instead of the old one, had not proved effectual. His majesty must have
+been as blind as he had rendered the innocent youth, to have again
+entrusted Alfric with command; and the consequences were soon felt, for
+the old impostor pretended to be taken suddenly ill, just as his men were
+going into battle. He called them off at the most important moment; and
+instead of stopping at home by himself, putting his feet in warm water,
+and laying up while the battle was being fought under directions which he
+could just as easily have given from his own room, he shouted for help
+from the whole army; and by sending some for salts, others for senna, a
+cohort here for a pill, and a legion there for a leech, he managed to keep
+the whole of the forces occupied in running about for him.
+</p>
+<p>
+Sweyn in the meantime got clear off with all his booty, and by the time
+that Alfric announced himself to be a little better, and able to go out,
+the enemy had vanished altogether from the neighbourhood.
+</p>
+<p>
+An appetite for conquest was not however the only appetite which the Danes
+indulged, for their voracity in eating was such that they created a panic
+wherever they showed themselves. They ravaged Norfolk, and having reduced
+it to its last dumpling, they fell upon Yarmouth, whose bloaters they
+speedily exhausted, when they tried Cambridge, having probably been
+attracted thither by the fame of its sausages. Subsequently they advanced
+upon Huntingdonshire and Lincolnshire, where they continued as long as
+they could find a bone to pick with the inhabitants. They then crossed the
+Baltic (a.d. 1004), having been obliged to quit England on account of
+there being literally nothing to eat; so that a joint occupation with the
+natives had become utterly impossible. Those only, who from its being the
+land of their birth, felt that they must always have a stake in the
+country, could possibly have mustered the resolution to remain in it. The
+vengeance of Sweyn being unsatisfied, he returned in the year 1006, when
+he carried fire and sword into every part, and it has been said with much
+felicity of expression, that amidst so much sacking the inhabitants had
+scarcely a bed to lie down upon.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0021" id="linkimage-0021"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figright" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/063m.jpg" alt="063m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/063.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+Unable to offer him any effectual check, the Great Council tried what
+could be done with ready money, and �36,000 was the price demanded to pay
+out this formidable "man in possession" from the harassed and exhausted
+country. The sum was collected by an income-tax of about twenty shillings
+in the pound, or even more, if it could be got out of the people by either
+threats or violence. Such as had paid the Danes directly to save their
+homes from destruction were obliged to pay over again, like a railway
+traveller who loses his ticket; and the natives seem to have got into a
+special train of evils, in which every engine of persecution was used
+against them.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0022" id="linkimage-0022"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/064m.jpg" alt="064m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/064.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+In 1008 new burdens were thrown upon the people, who for every nine nides
+of land were bound to find a man armed with a helmet and breastplate. This
+would seem no very difficult matter, considering that two or three such
+men are found annually at the Lord Mayor's show; but in former times they
+had something more difficult to do than walk in a procession. Though two
+shillings and his beer will, it is believed, secure the services of an
+ancient knight, armed <i>cap-d-pie</i> at an hour's notice in our own day,
+such a person was not to be had so cheap in the time of Ethelred. In
+addition to this infliction, every three hundred and ten hides of land
+were bound to build and equip a ship for the defence of the country; but
+it seems, after all, nothing but fair, that the hides should club together
+to save themselves from tanning. The fleet thus raised was, however, soon
+rendered valueless, in consequence of the various commanders having
+refused to row in the same boat, or rather insisting on pulling different
+ways, to the utter annihilation of their master's interest.
+</p>
+<p>
+Ethelred had selected for his favourite a low fellow of the name of Edric,
+who was exceedingly eloquent, and had not only talked one of the king's
+daughters into accepting his hand, but had even talked the monarch himself
+into sanctioning the unequal marriage. Edric had obtained for his brother
+Brightric a high post in the navy, as commander of eight vessels; but the
+latter got into a quarrel with his nephew, Wulfnoth, who was known by the
+odd appellation of the "Child of the South Saxons," or the Sussex lad, as
+we should take the liberty of calling him. The "child" determined on
+flight; but with a truly infantine objection to run alone, he got twenty
+of the king's ships to run along with him. Brightric cruised after him
+with eighty sail, but the tempest rising, and the rudders at the stem
+refusing to act, he was driven on shore by stem necessity. Wulfnoth, who
+had done a little ravaging on his own private account along the southern
+coast, returned to make firewood of the timbers of Brightric, which
+fortune had so cruelly shivered.
+</p>
+<p>
+Ethelred was completely panic-stricken at the news of this reverse, and
+hurried home as fast as he could to summon a council, but every resolution
+that was passed no one had the resolution to execute. To add to the king's
+embarrassments, "Thurkill's host" came over, com-prising the flower of the
+Scandinavian youth, which planted itself in Kent, and caused a sad blow to
+the country. Various short peaces were purchased by the Saxons at so much
+a piece; but, as Pope Gregory would have had it, every arrangement was not
+a sale, but a sell on the part of Thurkill, who continued sending in a
+fresh account for every fresh transaction. Ethelred was now in the very
+midst of traitors, and it was impossible that he should ever be brought
+round in such a circle. He had not a single officer to whom a commission
+could be safely entrusted. Edric, his favourite, having taken offence,
+joined the enemy in an attack upon Canterbury, which had lasted for twenty
+days, when some one left the gate of the city ajar, either by design or
+accident.
+</p>
+<p>
+Alphege, the good archbishop, who had defended the place, was instantly
+loaded with chains; and though he felt himself dreadfully fettered, he
+declined to purchase his ransom, for the very best of all reasons, namely,
+that he had not the money to pay for it. The old man, wisely making a
+virtue of necessity, proclaimed his determination not to part with a
+shilling, "and indeed," said he, "I couldn't if I would; for to tell you
+the truth, I haven't got it."
+</p>
+<p>
+The venerable prelate turning his pockets inside out, proved that he was
+penniless, when they offered to release him if he would persuade Ethelred
+to subscribe handsomely to the Danish rent, as we are fully justified in
+calling it. The archbishop, however, grew exceedingly saucy, when they
+pelted him with the remains of the feast, throwing bones, bottles, and
+bread, in rapid succession at the primate, who meekly bowed his head&mdash;or
+perhaps bobbed it up and down&mdash;to the treatment he experienced. The
+good old man remained for some time unshaken, till a shower of
+marrow-bones threw him on his knees, and one of the ruffians with a coarse
+pun exclaiming&mdash;"Let us make no more bones about it, but despatch him
+at once," brutally realised his own ferocious suggestion.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0023" id="linkimage-0023"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/065m.jpg" alt="065m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/065.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Thurkill now sent in another account of �48,000 as the price of his
+promised allegiance, which was certainly not worth a week's purchase, but
+Ethelred somehow or other found and paid the money. Sweyn, on hearing of
+this proceeding, pretended to be very angry with Thurkill, and fitted out
+a formidable fleet, with the avowed intention of killing with one stone
+two birds&mdash;namely, the Danish crow, and the Saxon pigeon. The ships
+of Sweyn were elaborately carved for show, and consequently not very well
+cut out for service. Nevertheless they were quite strong enough to
+vanquish the dispirited Saxons, who would have been overawed at the sight
+of a Danish oar, and might have been knocked down with a feather.
+</p>
+<p>
+Sweyn landed at York, and leaving his fleet in the care of his son Canute,
+carried fire and sword into the north; but as the inhabitants were all
+favourable to his cause, he had no more occasion to take fire into the
+north, than to carry coals to Newcastle. The king had sought refuge in
+London, which refused to give in until Ethelred sneaked out, when the
+citizens having been threatened, according to Sir Francis Palgrave, * with
+damage to their "eyes and limbs," threw open their gates to the conqueror.
+The unready monarch made for the Isle of Wight, but finding apartments
+dear and living expensive, he packed off his wife and children to his
+brother-in-law, Richard of Normandy, who lived in a court at Rouen. The
+duke made them as �omfortable as he could, and the lady Emma having fished
+for an invitation for her husband, at length succeeded in getting him
+asked, to the infinite delight of old "Slowcoach," who for once got ready
+at a very short notice to avail himself of the asylum that was offered
+him. Sweyn was now king of England, a.d. 1013, but after a reign of six
+weeks, entitling him to only half a quarter's salary, he died at
+Gainsborough, very much lamented by all who did not know him. The Saxon
+nobles who had so recently sent Ethelred away, now wanted him back again.
+They despatched a message, however, to the effect that, if he would
+promise to be a good king, and never be naughty any more, they would be
+glad to accept him once more as their sovereign. Ethelred turning his son
+Edmund into a postman, forwarded a letter by hand, promising reform, but
+stipulating that there should be no "fraud or treachery," or in other
+words, no humbug on either side. This arrangement, though growing out of
+mutual distrust, and being little better than a provision which each party
+thought necessary in consequence of the dishonesty of both, must be
+regarded as highly important in a constitutional point of view, for it is
+evidently the germ of those great compacts, which have since been
+occasionally concluded between the sovereign and the people.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Chap. xiii., p. 310,
+</pre>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0024" id="linkimage-0024"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/067m.jpg" alt="067m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/067.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Ethelred, on his arrival at home, found that Canute, the son of Sweyn,
+having been declared king by the Danes, had coolly set himself up as
+landlord of the Crown and Sceptro at Greenwich. Ethelred and Canute
+continued for three years like "the Lion and the Unicorn, fighting for the
+Crown," with about equal success, when death overtook "Slowcoach," after a
+long and inglorious reign. He died on St. George's Day, 1016, having been
+for five-and-thirty years man and boy, on and off the throne of England.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0007" id="link2HCH0007"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE SEVENTH. EDMUND IRONSIDES&mdash;CANUTE&mdash;HAROLD HAREFOOT&mdash;HARDICANUTE&mdash;EDWARD
+THE CONFESSOR&mdash;HAROLD&mdash;THE BATTLE OF HASTINGS.
+</h2>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">O</span>N the decease of Ethelred the citizens of London offered the throne to
+his son Edmund, who had got the strange nickname of Ironsides. He obtained
+this appellation from his extreme toughness; for it has been said by a
+contemporary that if you gave him a poke in the ribs they rattled like the
+bars of a gridiron, or the railings round an area. There can be no doubt
+that Edmund had strength on his side, as far as he was personally
+concerned, but Canute, or as some called him, C'nute and 'Cute, often
+overreached young Ironsides in cunning.
+</p>
+<p>
+In one of their battles&mdash;the fifth of a series&mdash;the Danes were
+on the point of defeat, when Edric, whom Edmund, however hard in the ribs,
+was soft enough in the head to trust after former treachery, raised the
+cry that the young leader had fallen. By some ingenious contrivance, Edrio
+had cut off somebody's head which resembled Edmund in features, and,
+perhaps, improving the likeness with burnt cork or other preparations,
+raised it on a spear in the field, exclaiming "Flee, English! flee,
+English! dead is Edmund." * The whole army became paralysed at the sight,
+and even Ironsides himself was completely put out of countenance, for he
+was unable to tell at the moment whether his head was really upon his own
+shoulders. How Edric could have had the face to practise such an
+imposition may puzzle the reader of the present day; but it was
+exceedingly likely that the trick would be aided by Edmund undergoing, as
+he no doubt would at the moment, a sudden change of countenance.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* These are the very words, exactly as they have been
+preserved,&mdash;Vide Sir F. Palgrave, chapter xliii. page 308.
+</pre>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0025" id="linkimage-0025"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/068m.jpg" alt="068m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/068.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Ironsides, though for the moment put to flight, having been as it were
+frightened at his own shadow, found on reflection, in the first piece of
+water he came to, that his head was in its right place, though his heart
+had slightly failed him, and he consequently paused in his retreat, and
+met Canute face to face, on the road to Gloucestershire. Ironsides,
+stepping forward in front of his army, made the cool proposition to Canute
+that instead of risking the lives of so many brave men, they should settle
+the quarrel by single combat. Considering that Edmund had not only the
+advantage of patent-safety sides, which rendered him nearly battle-axe
+proof, but was also about twice the height of his antagonist, it is not
+surprising that Canute declined coming in immediate contact with the
+metallic plates, which would have acted as a powerful battery upon the
+diminutive Dane. Had he accepted the crafty challenge, every blow
+inflicted on Ironsides would have been a severe rap on the knuckles to
+Canute, who might as well have run his head against a brick wall as engage
+in a single combat with a person of such undoubted metal. It was, however,
+agreed that they should divide the realm, and though as a general rule it
+is not advisable to do anything by halves, this arrangement was decidedly
+beneficial to all parties. The armies were both delighted at the proposal,
+and their joy affords proof that their discretion formed a great deal more
+than the better part of their valour.
+</p>
+<p>
+Canute took the north, and Edmund the south, with a nominal superiority
+over the former, so that the crown is said by the chroniclers to have
+belonged to Ironsides. It was certainly better that the ascendency should
+have been given to one of the two, for if their territory had been equal
+the crown must have been divided, and he that had the thickest head might
+have claimed the larger share of the regal diadem. Edmund lived only two
+months after the agreement had been signed, and as Canute took the benefit
+of survivorship, it has been good-naturedly suggested that he must have
+been either the actual or virtual murderer of Ironsides. There are only
+one or two facts which spoil this ingenious and amiable theory; the first
+of which is, that there is no proof of his having been killed at all,&mdash;an
+uncertainty that is quite sufficient to allow the benefit of the doubt to
+those who have been named as his murderers. Hume has, without hesitation,
+appointed Oxford as the scene of the assassination, and has been kind
+enough to select two chamberlains as the perpetrators of the deed, but we
+have been unable to collect sufficient evidence to go to a jury against
+the anonymous chamberlains, whom we beg leave to dismiss with the
+comfortable assurance that they quit these pages without any stain on
+their characters.
+</p>
+<p>
+Canute, as the succeeding partner in the late firm of Edmund and Canute,
+found himself, in 1017, all alone in his glory on the British throne. His
+first care was to call a public meeting of "bishops," "duces," and
+"optimates," at which he voted himself into the chair; and he caused it to
+be proposed and seconded that he should be king to the exclusion of all
+the descendants of Ethelred. There can be no doubt that the meeting was
+packed, for every proposition of Canute was received with loud cries of
+"hear," and repeated cheers. Strong resolutions were passed against Edwy,
+the grown-up brother of Edmund Ironsides. Proceedings were instantly
+commenced; he was declared an outlaw, and was soon taken in execution in
+the then usual form.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edmund and Edwy, the two infant sons of Ironsides, were protected by the
+plea of infancy; but Canute sent them out to dry-nurse to the king of the
+Swedes, with an intimation that if their mouths could be stopped by
+Swedish turnips, or anything else, the arrangement would be satisfactory
+to the English monarch. His Swedish majesty, whether moved by pity or
+actuated by the feeling of "None of my child," sent the babies on to
+Hungary, where they were taken in, but not done for, as Canute had
+desired. The little Edmund died early, but his brother Edward settled
+respectably in life, married a relation of the Emperor of Germany, became
+a family man, and one of his daughters was subsequently a Mrs. Malcolm,
+the lady of Malcolm, king of Scotland.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edmund and Alfred, the other sons of Ethelred by Emma of Normandy, who
+were still living with their uncle Robert, had a sort of lawyer's letter
+written in their name to Canute, threatening an action of trover for the
+sceptre, unless it were immediately restored.
+</p>
+<p>
+After offering a moiety&mdash;being equal to a composition of ten
+shillings in the pound&mdash;he proposed to settle the matter by marrying
+their mamma, who consented to this arrangement; and the claims of the
+infants were never heard of again. Neglected by their mother, they forgot
+their mother tongue&mdash;they grew up Normans instead of Saxons, say the
+old chroniclers, which seems to be going a little too far, for a Saxon
+cannot become a Norman by living in Normandy, any more than a man becomes
+a horse by residence in a stable.
+</p>
+<p>
+After triumphing over his enemies, Canute somewhat altered for the better,
+and became a quiet, gentlemanly, but rather jovial man. He was fond of
+music, patronised vocalists, and occasionally wrote ballads, one of which
+is still preserved. As it was said of a certain performer, that he would
+have been a good actor if he had been possessed of figure, voice, action,
+expression, and intelligence; so we may say of Canute, that if he had
+known anything of sense or syntax, if he had been happy at description, or
+possessed the slightest share of imagination, he would have been a very
+fair poet.
+</p>
+<p>
+A portion of one of Canute's once popular ballads has been preserved, and
+if the other verses resembled the one that has come down to us, there is
+no reason to regret that the rest is out of print and that nobody has kept
+the manuscript.
+</p>
+<p>
+The following is the queer quatrain which remains as the sole specimen of
+his majesty's poetical abilities:&mdash;
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+"Merrily sing the monks within Ely,
+When C'nute King rowed there by;
+Row, my knights, row near the land,
+And hear we these monks sing."
+</pre>
+<p>
+This dismal distich is said to have been suggested by his hearing the
+solemn monastic music of the choir as he rowed near the Minster of Ely;
+but we suspect the song must have been rather of a secular kind, or the
+term merrily would have been exceedingly inappropriate. *
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Some writers have endeavoured to justify the royal author
+or vindicate the characters of the monks of Ely, by saying,
+that in those days "merry" meant "sad." These gentlemen
+might just as well argue that black meant white&mdash;a
+proposition some people would not hesitate to put forth as a
+plea for the errors of royalty.
+</pre>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0026" id="linkimage-0026"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/071m.jpg" alt="071m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/071.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+About the year 1017, Edric, the royal favourite, evinced some disposition
+to strike for an advance of salary, when Canute resisting the demand, the
+king and the courtier came to high words. Eric of Northumbria, who
+happened to be sitting in the room with his battle-axe,&mdash;which was in
+those days as common a companion as an umbrella or a walking-stick in the
+present age,&mdash;got up, on a hint from the king, and axed the miserable
+Edric to death.
+</p>
+<p>
+Canute, who was also king of the Danes, the Swedes,&mdash;whose sovereign
+was his vassal&mdash;and of the Northmen, had many turbulent subjects
+abroad as well as at home, but he was in the habit of employing one
+against the other, so that it was utterly immaterial to him which of them
+were slain, so that he got rid of some of them. He kept a strong hand over
+his Danish earls, and even his nephew, "the doughty Haco,"&mdash;though
+why he should have been called "doughty," is a matter of much doubt&mdash;was
+exiled for disregard of the royal authority.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Swedes, who were always boiling over, got at last completely mashed by
+Earl Godwin; and the kings of Fife, who, although mere <i>piccoli</i>,
+were monarchs of some note, having exerted themselves in a melancholy
+strain for independence, at length fell, for the sake of harmony, into the
+general submission to Canute. Six nations were now reduced into one
+general subordi&mdash;&mdash;nation to the English king, who of course
+became the object of the grossest flattery, and upon one memorable
+occasion was nearly sacrificed to the puffing system of his injudicious
+friends. One day, when in the plenitude of his power, he caused the throne
+to be removed from the throne-room and erected, during low tide, on the
+sea-shore. Having taken his seat, surrounded by his courtiers, he issued a
+proclamation to the ocean, forbidding it to rise, and commanding it not,
+on any account, to leave its bed until his permission for it to get up was
+graciously awarded. The courtiers backed the royal edict, and encouraged
+with the grossest adulation this first great practical attempt to prove
+that Britannia rules the waves. Such a rule, however, was soon proved to
+be nothing better than a rule <i>nisi</i>, which it is impossible to make
+absolute when opposed by Neptune's irresistible motion of course. Every
+wave of Canute's sceptre was answered by a wave from the sea, and the
+courtiers, who were already up to their ankles in salt water, began to
+fear that they should soon be pickled in the foaming brine.
+</p>
+<p>
+At length the monarch himself found his footstool disposed to go on
+swimmingly of its own accord, and there was every prospect that the whole
+party would undergo the ceremony of an immediate investiture of the bath.
+The sovereign, who was very lightly shod, soon found that his pumps were
+not capable of getting rid of the water, which was now rising very
+rapidly. Having sat with his feet in the sea for a few minutes, and not
+relishing the slight specimen of hydropathic treatment he had endured, he
+jumped suddenly up, and began to abuse his courtiers for the mess into
+which he had been betrayed by their outrageous flattery.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0027" id="linkimage-0027"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/073m.jpg" alt="073m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/073.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+One of the attendants who had remained at the back of the others during
+this ridiculous scene, observed drily, that the whole party would have
+been inevitably washed and done for, if Canute had not made a timely
+retreat. The sovereign was so humbled by this incident, that he took off
+his crown upon the spot, made a parcel of it at once, forwarded it to
+Winchester Cathedral, and never wore it again.
+</p>
+<p>
+Water, as we all know, can subdue the strongest spirit, and though the
+spirit of Canute could bear a great deal of mixing, it is evident that the
+sea had shown him his own weakness. In the year 1030 he went on a
+pilgrimage to Rome, with no other staff than a wooden one in his hand; and
+instead of a valet to follow him, he had a simple wallet at his back. From
+a letter he wrote to his bishops while abroad, it would seem that he
+received presents of "vases of gold and vessels of silver, and stuffs, and
+garments of great price;" so that by the time he got home again, his
+wallet must have been a tolerable burden for the royal back. He died at
+Shaftesbury, in 1035, about three years after his return from Rome, and
+was buried at Winchester; so that he finally laid his head where his crown
+had been already deposited.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the death of Canute there was the usual difficulty as to what was to be
+done with the British crown; for there were two or three who thought the
+cap fitted themselves, and who consequently claimed the right to wear it.
+There is no doubt that Hardicanute, the only legitimate son of the late
+king, would have tried it on had it not been left by will to Harold, while
+his brother Sweyn was the legatee of Norway. A compromise was, however,
+effected, by which Harold took everything north of the Thames, including,
+of course, the Baker Street and Finsbury districts, while Hardicanute, to
+whom Denmark had been bequeathed, took the territories on the south shore,
+commencing in the Belvidere Road, Lambeth, and terminating at the southern
+extremity of the kingdom. He however, left his English dominions to the
+management of his mother and Earl Godwin, while he himself lingered in
+Denmark; on account of the convivial habits of the Scandinavian chiefs;
+for Hardicanute drank, as the phrase goes, "like a fish," though the
+liquid he imbibed was very different from that which the finny tribe are
+addicted to.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward and Alfred, the two sons of Ethelred, had come over to be in the
+way in case of anything turning up on the death of Canute, but Edward
+finding himself rather too much in the way, and fearing an unpleasant
+removal, took a return ticket for himself and party for Normandy. Alfred,
+after vainly attempting to land at Sandwich, happily thought of Heme Bay,
+and though it was in the height of the season, he of course found no one
+there to resist his progress. Having ventured up to Guildford on the
+invitation of Godwin, Alfred and his soldiers found a sumptuous repast and
+comfortable lodgings prepared for them. But Godwin had been more downy
+even than the beds, and the soldiers having been seized and imprisoned
+found wet blankets thrown on their hopes of hospitable treatment. Edward
+himself was cruelly murdered, and Harold, who was called Harefoot, from
+the speed with which he could ran, was now able to walk over the course,
+for there was no opposition to him in the race for the stakes of Royalty.
+He was fond of nothing but hunting, and as he could catch a hare by his
+own velocity he generally had the game in his own hands. He died a.d.
+1040, after a short reign of four years; and though, if he had lived to
+old age, he might have proved a good sovereign in the long-run, he was
+certainly not happy in the walk of life where fortune had placed him.
+</p>
+<p>
+Hardicanute, a name signifying Canute the Hardy, or the tough, came over
+on the death of Harold; but with all his toughness he evinced or assumed
+some tenderness at the cruel fate of his brother Alfred. He showed his
+sympathy for one by brutality towards another, and subjected Harold's
+memory to the most barbarous indignities.
+</p>
+<p>
+Godwin, fearing that he might share the obloquy of his former master,
+propitiated Hardicanute by giving him a magnificent toy, consisting of a
+gilt ship, with a crew of eighty men, each having a bracelet of pure gold
+weighing sixteen ounces, and dressed in the most valuable habiliments. The
+new king no doubt melted the gold very speedily in drink, to which he was
+so much addicted, that he actually died intoxicated at a party given at
+Clapham, by one Clapa, from whose name, or home, that suburb was called.
+His majesty was, according to the chroniclers, "on his legs," and the
+waiters had of course left the room, when Hardicanute unable to get
+further than "Gentlemen," staggered into his seat, and was carried out&mdash;mortally
+inebriated. *
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Other historians say in so many words, that "he died
+drunk." We prefer using the milder expression of "mortally
+inebriated,"
+</pre>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0028" id="linkimage-0028"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/075m.jpg" alt="075m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/075.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The throne being now vacant, Edward, the half-brother of the late king,
+who happened to be on the spot, was induced to step up and take a seat,
+though he was the senior of the late sovereign. In those days, however,
+the rules of hereditary descent were not very rigidly followed, for it was
+success that chiefly regulated succession. Edward's cause had, however,
+derived much support from Earl Godwin, the most extraordinary teetotum of
+former times. He had practised the political <i>chassez croisser</i> to an
+extent that even in our own days has seldom been surpassed. He had turned
+his coat so frequently that he had lost all consciousness of which was the
+right side and which the wrong; but he always treated that side as the
+right which happened to be uppermost.
+</p>
+<p>
+Godwin had, it is said, commenced life as a cowboy, but he soon raised
+himself above the low herd, and eventually succeeded in making his
+daughter Editha the queen of Edward. The king, who had lived much in
+Normandy, and had derived some assistance from Duke William, afterwards
+the Conqueror, had formed many Norman predilections, which created
+jealousy among his Saxon subjects. In 1061, he had received as a visitor
+his brother-in-law, one Eustace, Count of Boulogne, who, on returning home
+with his followers through Dover, insolently demanded gratuitous lodgings
+of one of the inhabitants. The Dover people, who are still remarkable for
+their high charges, and who seldom think of providing a cup of tea under
+two shillings, or a bed for less than half-a-crown, resisted the demands
+of Eustace and his friends, when a fight ensued, and the Normans were
+compelled to make the best of their way out of the neighbourhood.
+</p>
+<p>
+Eustace, still smarting under the blows he had received, ran howling to
+Edward, like a boy who, upon receiving a thrashing, flies to his big
+brother for redress. The king desired Godwin, who was governor of Dover,
+to chastise the place; but the earl positively refused, and insisted that
+the Count of Boulogne could not complain if, when he required to be served
+gratuitously, he had got regularly served out. Edward, irritated at this
+message, prepared for war, and Godwin, who was joined by his sons, Sweyn
+and Harold, had collected a powerful army; but when it came to the point,
+the soldiers on both sides gave evident symptoms of a desire to see the
+matter amicably arranged. As the king's forces consisted chiefly of the
+fryd or militia, there can be little doubt where the panic commenced; and
+Godwin's men, recognising among the foe some of their fellow-countrymen
+trembling from head to foot, immediately commenced shaking hands, so that
+there was an end to all firmness on both sides. A truce was consequently
+concluded, and the disputes of the parties referred to the arbitration of
+the Witenagemote; who doomed Sweyn to outlawry, and Godwin and Harold to
+banishment. Thus the "king's darlings," as they had been called, were
+disposed of, and the pets became the object of petty vengeance. Editha,
+the daughter of Godwin, shared in the general disgrace of her family; for
+the king, her husband, "reduced her," say the chroniclers, "to her last
+groat;" and with this miserable fourpence she was consigned to a
+monastery, where she was waited on by one servant of all-work, and
+controlled by the abbess, who was the sister of her royal tyrant.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward being now released from the presence of Godwin, began to think of
+seeing his friends, and invited William of Normandy to spend a few months
+at the English court. He came with a numerous retinue, and finding most of
+the high offices in the possession of Normans, he was able to feel himself
+perfectly at home. On the conclusion of his stay he departed, with a gift
+of horses, hounds, and hawks; in fact, a miniature menagerie, which had
+been presented to him by his host, without considering the inconvenience
+occasioned by adding "a happy family" to the luggage of the Norman
+visitor.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward was not allowed much leisure, for his guest had no sooner departed,
+than he found himself threatened by Earls Godwin and Harold, who sailed up
+to London, and landed a large army in the Strand. This important
+thoroughfare, which has been in modern times so frequently blockaded, was
+stopped up at that early period by men who were paving their way to power;
+so that paviours of some kind have for ages been a nuisance to the
+neighbourhood.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward agreed to a truce, by which Godwin and his sons were restored to
+their rank; but the earl, while dining soon afterwards with Edward at
+Windsor, was, according to some, choked in the voracious endeavour to
+swallow a tremendous mouthful. Thus perished, from an appetite larger than
+his windpipe, one of the most illustrious characters of his age. Harold,
+his son, succeeded him in his titles and estates; but as the latter are
+said to have consisted chiefly of the Goodwin Sands, the legatee could not
+hope to keep his head above water on such an inheritance.
+</p>
+<p>
+Harold commenced his career by worrying Algar, a rival earl, who got
+worried to death (a.d. 1059), and he then turned his attention to the
+father-in-law of his victim, one Griffith, a Welsh sovereign, whose army
+not liking the bother of war, cut off his head and sent it as a
+peace-offering to the opposite leader. This unceremonious manner of
+breaking the neck of a difficulty by decapitating their king, says more
+for the decision than the loyalty of the Welsh people.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0029" id="linkimage-0029"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/077m.jpg" alt="077m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/077.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+It was not long after this circumstance, that Harold, going out in a
+fishing-boat on the coast of Sussex with one or two bungling mariners, got
+carried out to sea, and was ultimately washed ashore like an old
+blacking-bottle in the territory of Guy, Count of Ponthieu. Having been
+picked up by the count, poor Harold was treated as a waif, and impounded
+until a heavy sum was paid for his ransom. William of Normandy, upon
+hearing that an earl and retinue were pawned in the distinguished name of
+Harold, good-naturedly redeemed them, at a great expense, but made the
+English earl solemnly pledge himself to assist his deliverer in obtaining
+the English crown at the death of Edward. The king expired on the 5th of
+January, 1066, leaving the crown to William, according to some, and to
+Harold, according to others; but as no will was ever found, it is probable
+enough that he agreed to leave the kingdom first to one and then to the
+other, according to which happened to have at the moment the ear of the
+sovereign. *
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* This Edward was generally called the Confessor, but how he
+got the name we are unable to say with certainty. It has
+been ingeniously suggested that it was on the <i>lucus a non
+lucendo</i> principle, and that he was called the Confessor,
+from his never confessing anything.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Harold, forgetting the circumstance of his awkward predicament in the
+fishing-boat, and ungrateful of William's services, immediately assumed
+the title of king, and got his coronation over the very same evening. It
+is even believed by some that the ceremony was so hastily performed as to
+have been a mere <i>t�te-�-t�te</i> affair between Stigand, the Archbishop
+of Canterbury, and the new sovereign.
+</p>
+<p>
+When William received the news of Harold's accession he was having a game
+with a bow and arrows in his hunting-ground near Rouen. His trembling
+knees suddenly took the form of his bow, and his lip began to quiver. He
+threw himself hastily into a skiff, and crossing the Seine, never stopped
+till he reached his palace, where he walked up and down the hall several
+times, occasionally sitting down for a moment in the porter's chair, then
+starting up and resuming his promenade up and down the passage. On
+recovering from his reverie he sent ambassadors to demand of Harold the
+fulfilment of his promise; but that dishonest person replied, that he
+being under duress when he gave his word, it could not be considered
+binding.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0030" id="linkimage-0030"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/078m.jpg" alt="078m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/078.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+William accordingly called a public meeting of Normans, at which it was
+resolved unanimously, that England should be invaded as speedily as
+possible. A subscription was immediately entered into to defray the cost,
+and volunteers were admitted to join the expedition without the formality
+of a reference. Tag from Maine ana Anjou, Rag from Poitou and Bretagne,
+with Bob-tail from Flanders, came rapidly pouring in; while the riff of
+the Rhine, and the raff of the Alps, formed altogether a mob of the most
+miscellaneous character. Those families who are in the habit of boasting
+that their ancestors came in with the Conqueror, would scarcely feel so
+proud of the fact if they were aware that the companions of William
+comprised nearly all the roguery and vagabondism of Europe.
+</p>
+<p>
+A large fleet having been for some time in readiness at St. Valery, near
+Dieppe, crossed in the autumn of 1066, and on the 28th of September the
+Normans landed without opposition at Pevensey, near Hastings. William, who
+was the last to step on shore, fell flat upon his hands and face, which
+was at first considered by the soldiers as an evil omen; but opening his
+palm, which was covered with mud, he gaily exclaimed, "Thus do I lay my
+hands upon this ground&mdash;and be assured that it is a pie you shall all
+have a finger in." This speech, or words to the same effect, restored the
+confidence of the soldiers, and they marched to Hastings, where they
+waited the coming of the enemy.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0031" id="linkimage-0031"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/081m.jpg" alt="081m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/081.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Harold, who had come to London, left town by night for the Sussex coast,
+and halted at Battle, where the English forces kept it up for two or three
+days and nights with Bongs and revelry. At length, on Saturday, the 14th
+of October, William gave the word to advance, when a gigantic Norman,
+called Taillefer, who was a minstrel and a juggler, went forward to
+execute a variety of tricks, such as throwing up his sword with one hand
+and catching it with the other; balancing his battle-axe on the tip of his
+chin; standing on his head upon the point of his spear, and performing
+other feats of pantomimic dexterity. He next proceeded to sing a popular
+ballad, and having asked permission to strike the first blow, he succeeded
+in making a tremendous hit; but some one happening to return the
+compliment, he was very soon quieted. The men of London, who formed the
+bodyguard of Harold, made a snug and impenetrable barrier with their
+shields, under which they nestled very cosily. *
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Some of them, who were buried under their bucklers, may
+have been inhabitants of Bucklersbury, which may have
+derived its name from the practice we have described.
+</pre>
+<p>
+From nine in the morning till nine in the afternoon the Normans continued
+watching for the English to emerge from under their shields, as a cat
+waits for a mouse to quit its hiding-place. As the mouse refuses to come
+to the scratch, so the Londoners declined to quit their snuggery, until
+William had the happy idea of ordering his bowmen to shoot into the air;
+and they were thus down upon the foe, with considerable effect, by the
+falling of the arrows. Still the English stood firm until William, by a
+pretended retreat, induced the soldiers of Harold to quit their position
+of safety. Three times were the Saxon snails tempted to come out of their
+shells by this crafty manouvre, but their courage was still unshaken,
+until an arrow, shot at random, hit Harold in the left eye, when his
+dispirited followers fled like winking.
+</p>
+<p>
+The English king was carried to the foot of the standard, where a few of
+his soldiers formed round him a little party of Protectionists. William
+fought with desperate valour, and was advancing towards the banner, when
+an English billman drew a bill which he made payable at sight on the head
+of the Duke of Normandy. Fortunately the precious metal of William's
+helmet was sufficient to meet the bill, which must otherwise have crushed
+the Norman leader. Harold, whose spirit never deserted him, observed with
+reference to the wound in his eye, that it was a bad look-out, but he must
+make the best of it. At length he fell exhausted, when the English having
+lost their banner, found their energies beginning to flag, and William
+became the Conqueror.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2H_4_0011" id="link2H_4_0011"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+BOOK II. THE PERIOD FROM THE NORMAN CONQUEST TO THE DEATH OF KING JOHN.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0008" id="link2HCH0008"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE FIRST. WILLIAM THE CONQUEROR.
+</h2>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">B</span>EFORE entering on our account of the reign of William the Conqueror, a
+bird's-eye view of the early biography of that illustrious person may be
+acceptable. He was born in 1024, of miscellaneous parents, and was a
+descendant of the illustrious Rollo, who wrested Normandy from Charles the
+Simple, whose simplicity consisted no doubt in his submitting to be done
+out of his possessions. William had been in his early days one of those
+intolerable nuisances, an infant prodigy, and at eight years old exhibited
+that ripeness of judgment and energy of action for which the birch is in
+our opinion the best remedy. He had quelled a disturbance in his own
+court, when very young; but a beadle in our own day can do as much as
+this, for a disturbance in a court is often quelled by that very humble
+officer. His marriage with Matilda, daughter of the Earl of Flanders, gave
+him the benefit of respectable connection, so useful to a young man
+starting in life; and after trying with all his might to acquire Maine,
+his success in obtaining it added to his influence.
+</p>
+<p>
+Such was the man whom we left in our last chapter on the field of Battle,
+and on our return to him we find him building Battle Abbey in memory of
+his victory. He caused a list or roll to be made of all the nobles and
+gentlemen who came over with him from Normandy, and many of them were men
+of mark, if we are to judge by their signatures. This earliest specimen in
+England of a genuine French roll was preserved for some time under the
+name of the roll of Battle Abbey, but the monks were in the habit of
+making it a medium for advertisement, by allowing the insertion of fresh
+names, to gratify that numerous class who are desirous of being thought to
+have come in with the Conqueror. The roll of Battle Abbey was no longer
+confined to the thorough-bred, but degenerated into a paltry puff, made up
+in the usual way, with paste&mdash;and scissors.
+</p>
+<p>
+William, instead of going at once to London, put up for a few days at
+Hastings, expecting the people to come and ask for peace; but though he
+remained at home the greater part of the day, the callers were by no means
+numerous. He accordingly took his departure for Romney, which he savagely
+rummaged. He then went on to Dover, which Holinshed describes as the lock
+and key of all England, but the inhabitants, finding the lock and key in
+hostile hands, sagaciously made a bolt of it.
+</p>
+<p>
+William's soldiers had no sooner taken possession of Dover than they were
+all seized with severe illness, but whether they availed themselves of the
+celebrated Dover Powders is exceedingly dubious. The Conqueror at length
+went towards London, where the Witan had proclaimed as king a poor little
+boy of the name of Edgar Atheling, the son of Edmund Ironsides. William,
+however, nearly frightened the Witan out of its wits by burning Southwark,
+and a deputation started from town to Berkhampstead, to make submission to
+the Conqueror. Young Edgar made a formal renunciation of the throne, which
+was not his to renounce, and indeed, when he sat upon it the child fell so
+very far short, that for him to feel the ground under his feet was utterly
+impossible.
+</p>
+<p>
+After these concessions, the day was fixed for William's coronation in
+Westminster Abbey, on the 26th of December, 1066, when the ceremony was
+performed amid enthusiastic cheering which lasted for several minutes.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Normans outside not being accustomed to Saxon habits, mistook the
+applause for disapprobation, and thinking that their duke was being
+hooted, or perhaps pelted, with "apples, oranges, nuts, and pears," they
+began to avenge the fancied insult by taking it out in violence towards
+the populace. Houses were burnt down in every direction, when the noise
+made without became audible to those within, who rushed forth to join in
+the row, and William, it is said, was left almost alone in the abbey, to
+finish his own coronation. He, however, went through the whole ceremony,
+and even added a few extemporaneous paragraphs to the usual coronation
+affidavit, by the introduction of an oath or two of his own, after the
+interruption of the ceremony.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Conqueror having taken some extensive premises at Barking, went to
+reside there for a short time, and was visited by several English
+families, among whom that of the warrior Coxo&mdash;since abbreviated into
+Cox&mdash;was one of the most illustrious. William found considerable
+difficulty in satisfying the rapacity of his followers, who thought
+nothing of asking for a castle, a church, an abbey, or a trifle of that
+kind by way of remuneration for their services. He scattered those
+articles right and left, according to the chroniclers; but it would be
+difficult to say where he got them from, were it not that the chroniclers
+are so skilled in castle-building that they have always a stock on hand to
+devote to the purposes of history.
+</p>
+<p>
+After six months' residence in England, William, having got his
+half-year's salary as king, was in funds to enable him to take a trip to
+Normandy. He took with him a complete sideboard of English&mdash;not
+British&mdash;plate, and with the treasures of this country dazzled the
+eyes of his continental friends and subjects. A party of Young England
+gents who accompanied him attracted also, by their long flowing hair, the
+admiration of foreigners.
+</p>
+<p>
+Odo, William's half-brother, who had been left at home to rule in the
+absence of the king, soon&mdash;as the reader may anticipate from the
+obvious pun that must ensue&mdash;rendered himself utterly odious. His
+treatment of the conquered people was cruel in the extreme; he filled the
+cup of misery not only to the brim, but degradation was kept continually
+on draft, every new blow being a fresh tap for the victims of tyranny. The
+very smallest beer will, however, ferment at last if kept continually
+bottled up; and though the Entire of England had been for a time rendered
+flat, there was a good deal of genuine British stout at bottom. A general
+effervescence broke out on the departure of William, who had acted
+hitherto as a cork; but Odo evinced a disposition to play the screw, by
+drawing out whatever he could in the absence of his superior.
+</p>
+<p>
+A general conspiracy seemed to be on the point of breaking out, when
+William, who had allowed letter after letter to remain unanswered which
+had been sent to entreat him to come home, started late one night for
+Dieppe, on his return to England. His first care was to assuage the
+discontent, and he had already learned the acknowledged trick, that the
+shortest way of stopping a British mouth, is by liberally feeding it. He
+accordingly gave a series of Christmas dinners, and he invited several
+Saxon earls, to meet a succession of bovine barons. If the banquets were
+intended as a bait, there is no doubt that the English very readily
+swallowed them. By way of further propitiating the people, he published a
+law in the Saxon tongue, decreeing "that every son should inherit from his
+father," or in other words, should take after him. If, however, he was
+liberal in his invitations to dinner, he took care that the people should
+pay the bill, for he had scarcely finished entertaining them, when he
+began taxing them most oppressively.
+</p>
+<p>
+William did not acquire the title of Conqueror quite so speedily as has
+been generally imagined, for he was occupied at least seven years in
+running about the country from one place to the other, wiping out, by many
+severe wipes, the remaining traces of insubordination to his government.
+In the year 1068 he besieged Exeter, where Githa, the aged mother of
+Harold, was leading a quiet life, surrounded by a bevy of venerable
+gossips. The Conqueror routed them out, and they repaired to Bath, where
+their taste for tittle-tattle might have been indulged, but meeting with
+rudeness from the celebrated Bath chaps, they hastened to Flanders.
+William now sent for his wife Matilda, whom he had not brought over until
+he could form some idea how long he was likely to remain in his new
+quarters. A cheap coronation was got up for her at Winchester, the
+contract having been taken by Aldred, Archbishop of York, who it is
+believed found all the materials for the ceremony, without extra charge;
+and as the queen was rather short, we may presume that everything was cut
+down to a low figure. A little after this event, Harold's two sons, Godwin
+and Edmund, with a little brother, facetiously called Magnus, came over
+from Ireland, and hovered about the coast of Cornwall, where young Magnus,
+being a minor, perhaps hoped for sympathy. They planted their standard,
+expecting that the inhabitants would fly to it, but they only flew at it,
+to tear it in pieces. Poor Magnus, with infantine tenderness, cried like a
+baby over the insulted bunting. Tired with their ill success, the three
+brothers eventually went over as suppliants to Denmark, where the unhappy
+beggars were received by Sweyn with amiable hospitality.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the ensuing year, William turned Somerset so completely upside down
+that it could not have known whether it stood on its head or its heels;
+and in every shire he took, he built a castle, by way of insuring the
+lives of himself and his followers in the county. According to Hollinshed,
+the greatest indignities were passed upon the conquered people. They were
+compelled even to regulate their beards in a particular fashion, from
+which the youngest shaver was not exempt. They were obliged to "round
+their hair," which probably means that they were obliged to keep it
+curled, and thus even in their <i>coiffure</i> they were ruled by a rod of
+iron. In addition to this, they were forced to "frame themselves in the
+Norman fashion," which must have made them the pictures of misery.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0032" id="linkimage-0032"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/086m.jpg" alt="086m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/086.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+William had, in one of his amiable moods, probably over a bottle of wine,
+promised Edwin, the brother-in-law of Harold, his daughter in marriage.
+When, however, the earl came to claim his fair prize, the Conqueror not
+only withdrew his consent, but insulted the suitor, and a scene ensued
+very similar to the common incident in a farce, when a testy old father or
+guardian flies into a passion with the walking gentleman, exclaiming
+"Hoity-toity!" and calling him a young jackanapes. Edwin, irritated at
+this treatment, collected an army in the north, and waited near the river
+Ouse; but the courage of his soldiers soon oozed out when the Conqueror
+made his appearance. William was victorious; but he had much to contend
+against during the first few years of his reign, and an invasion of the
+Danes, under Osborne, was a very troublesome business.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Normans, having shut themselves up in York, set fire to some of the
+houses outside the city, to check the approach of the foe; but the flames
+catching the minster, a "night wi' Burns" seemed to be inevitable. Not
+wishing to remain to be roasted, they risked the minor inconvenience of
+being basted, and made a very lively sally out of the city. They were
+nearly all killed, and the Danes took possession of York; but the place
+being reduced to ashes, was little better than an extensive dust-hole.
+Osborne and his followers not wishing to winter among the cinders, retired
+to their ships, and William thus had time to make further arrangements.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Conqueror was hunting in the Forest of Dean when he heard of the
+catastrophe, and having his lance in his hand, he swore he would never put
+it down until he had exterminated the enemy. This must have been a
+somewhat inconsiderate vow, for though it may have been chivalrous to
+declare he would never put down his lance until a certain remote event,
+the weapon must have been at times a very inconvenient companion, as he
+did not commence his campaign until the spring; but as his vow came into
+operation immediately, the lance must have been a dead weight in his hand
+during the whole of the winter season. At length he mounted his horse, and
+rode rough-shod over the people of York, after which he took Durham, and
+ultimately repaired to Hexham, to which he administered a regular Hexham
+tanning.
+</p>
+<p>
+Bobbery, under the less obnoxious name of confiscation, now became very
+general, and William commenced the wholesale subtraction of lands, with a
+view to their division among his Norman followers. The conquered English
+had nearly all their property seized, and those who had but little shared
+the lot of the wealthiest in the spoliation to which all were subjected.
+William de Percy profited largely in purse; and if in those days manners
+made the man, he must have been a made man indeed, for he got no less than
+eighty manors. Several other names will be found in Domesday Book, drawn
+up about fifteen years after the conquest, from whicn some of our oldest
+ancestors may learn full particulars of their early ancestors.
+</p>
+<p>
+The title of Richmond had its origin from a Breton ruffian of the name of
+Allan, who having got a mount near York as his share of the plunder, gave
+it the name of Riche-Mont, or Rich-Mount; and the first Earl of Cumberland
+was a low fellow named Reuouf Meschines, the latter title being no doubt
+derived from <i>mesquin</i>, to express something mean and pitiful in this
+individual's character. The boast of having come in with the Normans is
+equivalent to a confession of belonging to a family whose founder was a
+thief, or at least a receiver of stolen articles.
+</p>
+<p>
+The resistance to the Conqueror was, in many parts of England, exceedingly
+obstinate, and Hereward of Lincoln, commonly called "England's Darling,"
+or the Lincoln pet, was one of the most resolute of William's enemies.
+Such was the impetuosity of the pet, that the Normans imagined he must be
+a necromancer: and William, in order to turn the superstitions of the
+people to his own account, engaged a rival conjuror, or sorceress, who was
+placed with much solemnity on the top of a wooden tower, among the works
+that were proceeding for the defence of the invader's army. Hereward,
+however, seizing his opportunity, set fire to the wizard's temple, and the
+unfortunate conjuror being puzzled, terminated his career amidst a grand
+pyrotechnic display, which proved for Hereward and his party a blaze of
+triumph.
+</p>
+<p>
+The English had established a camp of refuge at Ely, but the hungry monks,
+whose profession it was to fast, were the first, when provisions ran
+short, to grumble at the scarcity. Their vows were evidently as empty as
+themselves, and though they had pledged themselves to abstinence, they
+began eating their own words with horrible voracity. They betrayed the
+isle to the Conqueror; but Hereward refusing to submit, plunged, like a
+true son of the soil, into the swamps and marshes, where the Normans would
+not venture to follow him. Protected to a certain extent in the bosom of
+his mother earth, he carried on a vexatious warfare, until William offered
+terms which took the hero out of the mud, and settled him in the estates
+of his ancestors.
+</p>
+<p>
+It has been customary with historians to cut the conquest exceedingly
+short, as if <i>Veni, vidi, vici</i>, had been the motto of William; and
+that, in fact, the Anglo-Saxons had surrendered at his nod,&mdash;overcome
+by the waving of his plume&mdash;if he ever wore one; or in other words,
+knocked down with a feather. Such, however, was not the case; for it took
+seven years' apprenticeship to accustom the hardy natives of our isle to
+the subjection of a conqueror.
+</p>
+<p>
+While William was in Normandy, whither he had been called to protect his
+possessions in Maine&mdash;for, as we are told by that mad wag, Matthew
+Paris, he never lost sight of the Main chance,&mdash;Philip of France
+offered some assistance to Edgar Atheling. This individual accordingly set
+sail, but the unlucky dog had scarcely got his bark upon the sea, when the
+winds set up a dismal howl, and he was driven ashore near Northumberland.
+Edgar and a few friends escaped to Scotland, and at the advice of his
+brother-in-law, Malcolm sought a reconciliation with the Conqueror, who
+allowed the Atheling his lodging in the palace of Rouen, with a pound's
+worth of silver a day for his maintenance.
+</p>
+<p>
+The king was soon recalled to England by an insurrection, got up by Roger
+Fitz Osborn, who, together with a large number of persons who were all
+subject to Fitz, determined on resisting the insolent oppression of the
+Conqueror. Young Roger, whose father, William Fitz Osborn, had been of
+great service to the Norman invader, was engaged to Emma de Gael, a
+daughter of the Duke of Norfolk, when the banns were most unreasonably
+forbidden by the sovereign. The young couple, however, determined not to
+be foiled, had made a match of it; and at the wedding feast, which was
+given at Norwich, some violent speeches were made, in the course of which
+William was denounced as a tyrant and a humbug, amid repeated shouts of
+"hear, hear," from the whole of the company.
+</p>
+<p>
+The grand object of the Norman rebels was to bring round Earl Waltheof,
+and having taken care to heat him with wine, they did succeed in bringing
+him round in a most wonderful manner. He assented to every proposition,
+and his health was drunk with enthusiasm, followed, no doubt, by the usual
+complimentary chorus, attributing to him the festive virtues of jollity
+and good fellowship. The next morning, however, after "a consultation with
+his pillow," according to the Saxon chroniclers&mdash;from which we are to
+infer that he and his pillow laid their heads together, on the principle
+of goose to goose&mdash;he began to think he had acted very foolishly at
+the party of the previous night, and, jumping out of bed, packed off a
+communication to those with whom he had promised to co-operate. After
+presenting his compliments, he "begged to say, that the evening's
+amusement not having stood the test of the morning's reflection, he was
+under the painful necessity of withdrawing any consent he might have given
+to any enterprise that might have been proposed at the meeting of the day
+preceding."
+</p>
+<p>
+The conspiracy, which had commenced in drinking, ended, very
+appropriately, in smoke; nearly all who took a part in the Norwich wedding
+were killed, and it has been well said by a modern writer that a share in
+the Norwich Union was not in those days a very profitable matter. It was
+about the year 1077 that William began to be wounded by that very sharp
+incisor&mdash;the tooth of filial disobedience. When preparing for the
+conquest of England he had promised, in the event of success, to resign
+Normandy to his son Robert, and had even taken an oath&mdash;clenched,
+probably, with the exclamation, "So help me, Bob!"&mdash;that if Robert
+assisted in his father's absence the boy should have the Duchy.
+</p>
+<p>
+Having conquered England, the Governor returned, and wanted Normandy back
+again, observing, with coarse quaintness, that he was "not going to throw
+off his clothes till he went to bed," or, in other words, insisting that
+Robert, who had got into his father's shoes, should instantly evacuate the
+paternal high-lows. Robert was brave, but by no means foppish in his
+dress, ana had acquired the nickname of Robert Curt-hose or
+Short-stockings. He probably derived this appellation from a habit of
+wearing socks, and it is not unlikely that he was familiarly known as Bob
+Socks among his friends and acquaintances. Young Socks, who had always
+been irritable, was on one occasion roused to a pitch of passion by having
+the contents of a pitcher pitched upon his head by his two brothers, from
+the balcony of his own lodging. He became mad with rage, and, irritated by
+the water on the brain, he ran upstairs with a drawn sword in his hand,
+when the king, hearing the row among the three boys, rushed to the spot,
+and succeeded in quelling it in a manner not very favourable to young
+Socks, who ran away from home towards Rouen. Through the intercession of
+his mother, he was persuaded to return home, and it is probable that "B.
+S."&mdash;the initials of Bob Socks&mdash;was "entreated to return home to
+his disconsolate mother, when all would be arranged to his satisfaction."
+Nevertheless, his pocket-money continued to be as short as his hose, and
+his companions declared it to be a shame that he never had a shilling to
+spend in anything. He accordingly went to his father, and demanded
+Normandy, but the monarch refused him, reprimanded him for his irregular
+habits, and recommended him to adopt "the society of serious old men,"&mdash;the
+"heavy fathers" of that early period. Robert declared irreverently that
+the old pumps were exceedingly dry companions, and reiterated his demand
+for Normandy. The king wrathfully refused, when young Socks announced his
+determination to take his valour to the foreign market, and place it at
+the service of any one who chose to pay him his price for it.
+</p>
+<p>
+He visited various localities abroad, where he recounted his grievances,
+and borrowed money, making himself a sort of begging-letter impostor, and
+going about as if with a board round his neck, inscribed "Turned out of
+doors," or "Totally destitute." Though he collected a good round sum, he
+spent the whole of it in minstrels, jugglers, and parasites, so that he
+divided his time between the enjoyment of popular songs, conjuring tricks,
+and paid paragraphs, embodying the most outrageous puffs of his own
+character. After leading a vagabond life for some time, he was set up by
+Philip of France, in a castle on the confines of Normandy; but as he was
+only allowed lodging, he had to find his board as he could, by plundering
+his neighbours. One day he had sallied forth in search of a victim, when
+he found himself engaged in single combat with a tall gentlemanly man in a
+mail coat and a vizor, forming a sort of iron veil, which covered his
+countenance. The combatants had been for some time banging at each other
+with savage vehemence, when Robert delivered "one, two, three," with such
+rapid succession on the head of his antagonist, that the latter, unable to
+resist so many plumpers coming at once to the pole, retired from the
+contest.
+</p>
+<p>
+The stalwart knight being regularly knocked up, was glad to knock under,
+and fell to the earth with a piteous howl, in which Robert recognised the
+<i>falsetto</i> of his own father. Young Socks, who had a good heart,
+burst into tears, and instead of falling on his antagonist to finish him
+as he had designed, he fell upon his own knee to ask forgiveness of his
+parent. William, who would have been settled in one more crack, took
+advantage of his son's assistance, but went away muttering maledictions
+against Young Socks, who subsequently finding the vindictiveness of his
+father's character, declined any further communication with the "old
+gentleman," and never saw him again.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the reign of William the Church was always disposed to be militant, and
+among the most pugnacious priests was Walcher de Lorraine, the Bishop of
+Durham, who, it is said, often turned his crozier into a lance, by having,
+we presume, a long movable hook at the end of it. He divided his time
+between preaching and plunder, correcting the morals of the people one
+day, and on the next picking their pockets. He was, in fact, alternately
+teaching and thrashing them, as if the only way to impress them with
+religious truth, was to beat it regularly into them.
+</p>
+<p>
+At length, however, the right reverend robber having become very unpopular
+in his neighbourhood, agreed to attend a public meeting of the inhabitants
+at Gateshead, to offer explanations on the subject of the murder of one
+Liulf, a noble Englishman, and on other miscellaneous business. The
+attendance was far more numerous than select, and the old bishop becoming
+exceedingly nervous, ran away into the church with all his retinue. The
+people declared that if he did not come out they would smoke him out, by
+setting fire to the building; and they had proceeded to carry their
+threats into execution, when, half suffocated with the heat, the bishop
+came to the door with his face muffled up in the skirts of his coat, and
+addressed a few words to the mob in so low a tone, that our reporters
+being at a considerable distance&mdash;almost eight centuries off&mdash;have
+not succeeded in catching them. The bishop, however, caught it at once,
+for he was slain after a short and rather irregular discussion. The words
+"Slay ye the bishop," were distinctly heard to issue from a voice in the
+crowd, and the speaker,&mdash;whoever he was,&mdash;having put the
+question, the ayes and the bishop had it.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0033" id="linkimage-0033"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/091m.jpg" alt="091m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/091.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+William selected one bishop to avenge another, and chose the furious Odo,
+who in spite of cries for mercy, and piteous exclamations of "O! don't,
+Odo!" killed every one that came across his path, without judicial forms,
+or, familiarly speaking, without judge or jury. This ambitious butcher
+looked with a pope's eye at the triple crown of Rome, and set out for
+Italy, with plenty of gold, to carry his election to the papal chair by
+corruption and bribery. The virtues of the cardinals might not have proved
+so strong as the cardinal virtues; but Odo, the bishop of Bayeux, had no
+chance of trying the experiment, for he was stopped in his expedition to
+Rome, at the Isle of Wight, by his brother-in-law, the Conqueror. William
+ordered his arrest; but no one volunteering to act as bailiff, the king
+seized the prelate by the robe, and took him into custody. "I am a clerk&mdash;a
+priest," cried Odo, endeavouring to get away. "I don't care what you are,"
+exclaimed William, retaining his hold upon his prisoner. "The pope alone
+has the right to try me," shrieked the bishop, getting away, and leaving a
+fragment of his robe in the king's hand. "But I've got you, and don't mean
+to part with you again in a hurry," muttered William, after darting
+forward and effecting the recapture of Odo, who was immediately committed
+to a dungeon in Normandy.
+</p>
+<p>
+The king soon after this incident lost his wife Matilda, and he became,
+after her decease, more cruel, avaricious, and jealous of his old
+companions-in-arms, than ever. One of the worst acts of his reign was the
+making of the New Forest in Hampshire, which he effected by driving away
+the inhabitants without the smallest compensation, from a space of nearly
+ninety miles in circumference. He appointed a bow-bearer, whose office
+still exists as a sinecure, with a salary of forty shillings a year, for
+which the gentleman who holds the appointment swears "to be of good
+behaviour towards the sovereign's wild beasts," and of course, in
+compliance with his oath, would Feel bound to touch his hat to the British
+Lion.
+</p>
+<p>
+After founding the New Forest, the king enacted the most oppressive laws;
+placing on the killing of a hare such penalties as are enough to cause
+"each particular hair to stand on end," by their extreme barbarity.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0034" id="linkimage-0034"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/093m.jpg" alt="093m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/093.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Towards the end of the year 1086 William, who had grown exceedingly fat,
+started for France, to negotiate with Philip about some possessions, when
+the latter indulged in some small puns at the expense of the corpulency of
+the Conqueror. By comparing him to a fillet of veal on castors, and
+suggesting his being exhibited at a prize monarch show, Philip so
+irritated William that the latter swore, with fearful oaths, to make his
+weight felt in France; and he kept his word, for falling upon Mantes, he
+succeeded in completely crushing it. Having, however, gone out on
+horseback to see the ruins, the gigantic animal he was riding stepped on
+some hot ashes, which set the brute dancing so vigorously that the pummel
+of the saddle gave the Conqueror a fearful pummelling. He was so much
+shaken by this incident that he resolved never to ride the high horse, or
+indeed any other horse again; and he was soon after removed, at his own
+request, to the monastery of St. Gervas, just outside the walls of Rouen.
+Becoming rapidly worse, his heart softened to his enemies, most of whom he
+pardoned, and he then proceeded to make his will, by which he left
+Normandy to his son Robert, and bequeathed the crown of England to be
+fought for by William and Henry, with a significant wish, however, that
+the former might get it. Henry exclaimed emphatically, "What are you going
+to give me?" and on receiving for his answer, "Five thousand pounds weight
+of silver out of my treasury," ungraciously demanded what he should do
+with such a paltry pittance. "Be patient," replied the king; "suffer thy
+elder brothers to precede thee&mdash;thy time will comc after theirs;" but
+Henry, muttering "It's all very well to say 'be patient,'" hurried out of
+the room, drew the cash, weighed it carefully, and brought a strong box to
+put it in. *
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* For further particulars of Henry's conduct, <i>vide</i>
+Orderic, every prospect of the Conqueror being left in the
+city of Rouen to be buried by the parish, when a few of the
+clergy began to think of the funeral. The Archbishop ordered
+that it should take place at St. Stephen's, in Caen, and
+none of the family being present, the undertaker actually
+came down upon a poor good-natured old knight, who had put
+himself rather prominently forward as a sort of provisional
+committee-man. How the affair was settled we are unable to
+state, but we have it on the authority of Oderic, that when
+the Bishop of Evreux had pronounced the panegyric, a man in
+the crowd jumped up, declaring the Conqueror was an old
+thief, and that he&mdash;the man in the crowd&mdash;claimed the ground
+on which they were then standing. Many of the persons round
+cheered him in his address, and the bishops, for the sake of
+decency, paid out the execution from the Conqueror's grave
+for sixty shillings.
+</pre>
+<p>
+To think of an iron chest at such a moment proved the possession of a
+heart of steel; and William, the elder son, was nearly as bad, for he
+hastened to England to look after the crown before his father had expired.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was on the 9th of September, 1087, that the Conqueror died, and his
+last faint sigh was the signal for a rush to the door, in which priests,
+doctors, and knights joined with furious eagerness. In vain did a
+diminutive bishop ask a stalwart warrior "where he was shoving to?" and
+the expostulations of a prim doctor to the crowd, entreating them to keep
+back, as there was "plenty of time," were utterly disregarded. The scene
+resembled that which may be witnessed occasionally at the pit door of the
+Opera, for the whole of William's attendants were eager to get home for
+the purpose of being early in securing either some place or plunder. The
+inferior servants of the royal robber&mdash;like master, like man&mdash;commenced
+rifling the king's trunks and drawers of all the cash, jewels, and linen.
+There seemed scarcely more than it deserves, for there is no doubt that he
+was cruel, selfish, and unprincipled. It is, however, a curious fact, that
+what receives blacking from one age gets polished by the next: and this
+may account for the brilliance that has been shed in this country over the
+name of one who introduced the feudal system, the Game Laws, and other
+evils, the escape from which has been the work of many centuries. Though a
+natural son, he was an unnatural father, and the result was, that being an
+indifferent parent, his children became also indifferent. He had a violent
+temper, and was such a brutal glutton that he aimed a blow at
+Fitz-Osborne, his steward, for sending to table an under-done crane, when
+Odo interfered to check his master's violence. Of his personal appearance
+we have an authentic record in a statue placed against one of the pillars
+of the church of St. Stephen, at Caen; but as the figure is without a
+head, we have tried in vain to form from it some idea of the Conqueror's
+countenance. From the absence of the face in the statue we can only infer
+that William wore an expression of vacancy.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0009" id="link2HCH0009"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE SECOND. WILLIAM RUFUS.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0035" id="linkimage-0035"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/095m.jpg" alt="095m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/095.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+ILLIAM, the son of the Conqueror, had obtained the nick-name of Rufus,
+from his red hair, and these jokes on personal peculiarities afford a
+lamentable proof of the rudeness of our ancestors. Having left his father
+at the point of death, he hastened to England, where he pretended to be
+acting for the king; resorting to what, in puffing phraseology, is termed
+the untradesmanlike artifice of "It's the same concern," and doing
+business for himself in the name of the late sovereign. One of his first
+steps was, of course, towards the treasury, from which he drew sixty
+thousand pounds in gold and silver. Having received from his father a
+letter of introduction to Archbishop Lanfranc, he rushed, with the avidity
+of a man who has got a reference to a new tailor, and presenting it to the
+primate, requested that measures might be taken for putting the crown on
+his head as soon as possible. Lanfranc, having secured the place of Prime
+Minister for himself, issued cards to a few prelates and barons, inviting
+them to a coronation on Sunday, the 26th of September, 1087, when the
+event came off rather quietly.
+</p>
+<p>
+When Curt-hose&mdash;whom the reader will recognise as our old friend
+Socks&mdash;first heard of his father's death, he was living on that
+limited but rather elastic income, his wits, at Abbeville, or in some part
+of Germany. He, however, repaired to Rouen, where he was very well
+received; while Henry, the youngest brother, stood like a donkey between
+two bundles of hay, not knowing whether he should have a bite at Britain
+or a nibble at Normandy.
+</p>
+<p>
+Rufus had, at the commencement of his reign, to contend with a conspiracy
+got up by his uncle Odo, to place Robert on the throne of England as well
+as on that of Normandy; for the great experiment of sitting on two stools
+at once had not then been sufficiently carried out to prove the folly of
+attempting it.
+</p>
+<p>
+Odo took rapid strides, but as Robert, if he took any stride at all, must
+have attempted one from Rouen to Rochester, he remained in his Duchy,
+leaving his followers to follow their own inclination at their own
+convenience. They had fortified Rochester Castle, but being besieged, and
+a famine threatening, they were glad to find a loop-hole for escape, which
+they effected by capitulating on certain conditions, one of which,
+proposed by Odo, was a stipulation that the band should not play as the
+vanquished party left the Castle. Rufus, feeling that a procession without
+music would go off flatly, refused his assent to this proposal, and the
+band accordingly struck up an appropriate air at each incident.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0036" id="linkimage-0036"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/096m.jpg" alt="096m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/096.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+As Odo left the Castle the "Rogue's March" resounded from tower to tower
+and battlement to battlement, while the people sang snatches of popular
+airs, among which "Go, Naughty Man," and "Down among the Dead Men," were
+perhaps the greatest favourites. Odo was eventually banished, and the
+insurrection was at an end, for Curt-hose had neither the money nor the
+inclination to carry on the war; and, like a defunct railway scheme, the
+plan took its place amongst the list of abandoned projects.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the year 1088 Lanfranc, the king's adviser, died, and was succeeded by
+a Norman clergyman, named Ralph, who was called also Le Flambard, or the
+Torch, from his being a political incendiary, who had been ever ready to
+light up the flame of discontent at a moment's notice. His nominal offices
+were treasurer and chaplain, but his real duty was to raise money for the
+king, extort for his majesty a large income, and help him to live up to
+it. As a taxgatherer and a <i>bon vivant</i> he was unexceptionable; but
+we regret that we cannot say so much for him as a bishop and a gentleman.
+</p>
+<p>
+This person, however, succeeded only to the political, not to the
+ecclesiastical dignities of Odo; for the king, finding the revenues of
+Canterbury very acceptable, determined on acting as his own archbishop. He
+professed a desire to improve the see by using his own eyes, but his real
+view was to get all he could for the indulgence of his pleasures. Ralph le
+Flambard seems to have possessed the talent of extortion to a wonderful
+degree, and he even set at nought the proverb as to the impossibility of
+making "a silk purse out of a sow's ear;" for he certainty extracted
+immense sums by getting hold of the ear of the swinish multitude.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0037" id="linkimage-0037"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/099m.jpg" alt="099m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/099.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+William Rufus, having been successful against the friends of Robert in
+England, determined (a.d. 1089) on attacking the unfortunate and
+improvident Curt-hose on his own ground in Normandy. Socks had no money to
+carry on the war, for he had not only cleared out his coffers to the last
+farthing, but was up to his neck in promises which he never could hope to
+realise. His bills were flying like waste-paper about every Exchange in
+Europe, and the boldest discounters shook their heads when a document with
+the familiar words "Accepted, R. Curt-hose," was shown to them. He
+applied, therefore, for aid to the king of the French, his feudal
+superior, who sent an army to the confines of Normandy, but sent a
+messenger at the same time to the English king, stating the terms on which
+the army might be bought off and induced to march back again.
+</p>
+<p>
+Rufus willingly paid the money, and Socks, in a fit of desperation,
+applied to his brother Henry, who had already lent him three thousand
+pounds, taking care, however, to get a third of the duchy by way of
+security for his money. He accordingly came to Rouen, where he put down a
+large sum of money: and what was better still, he put down a conspiracy to
+deliver up the city to the enemy. One Conan, a burgess, who was to have
+handed over the keys, was condemned to imprisonment for life; but Henry
+taking him up to the top of a tower under the pretence of showing him the
+scenery, brutally threw him over. The unhappy captive was beginning to
+expatiate on the softness of the landscape below, when Henry, seizing him
+by the waist, savagely recommended him to test the reality of so much
+apparent softness, by throwing himself on the kind indulgence which the
+verdant landscape appeared to offer him. The burgess had no time to reply,
+before he found himself half-way on his down journey.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is difficult in these days to fancy the brother of the sovereign
+visiting a condemned culprit in his prison, and taking a walk with him up
+to the top of the building, to point out to him the beauties of the
+surrounding prospect. That the royal visitor should suddenly turn
+executioner in the most barbarous manner, is still more unaccountable.
+Henry must surely have received a large quantity of the burgess's sauce
+before he could have been provoked to an act which redounds so much to his
+discredit in the pages of history.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the year 1091, William and Robert settled their differences, after
+which they began to take advantage of their little brother Henry, whom
+they robbed of everything he possessed, until his suite was reduced to one
+knight, three esquires, and one chaplain. His flight was a series of rapid
+movements, to which this miserable quintette formed a kind of running
+accompaniment; but Henry, in spite of every <i>contretemps</i>, behaved
+himself with dignity as the leader and conductor of his little band.
+</p>
+<p>
+Rufus, on his return to England, found it overrun by Malcolm, the Scotch
+king, who, however, made a regular Scotch mull of his enterprise. After a
+peace as hollow as the "hollow beech tree" which the woodpecker keeps
+continually on tap, poor Malcolm was invited to Gloucester, where he fell
+into an ambush&mdash;a bush in which he was tom to pieces by the sharp
+thorns of treachery.
+</p>
+<p>
+Duke Robert having made repeated applications to his brother, William
+Rufus, for the settlement of his claims upon England, at length put the
+matter into the hands of his solicitor, Philip of France; who, after
+soliciting justice for Curt-hose, marched an army into Normandy. Rufus,
+knowing costs to be the only motive of Philip, who, on being handsomely
+paid, would certainly throw his client overboard, determined on raising a
+large sum; which he accomplished by levying twenty thousand men as
+soldiers, and allowing them to buy their discharge at ten shillings a
+head, an arrangement which nearly all of them gladly fell into. The
+proceeds of this transaction being handed over to Philip, that monarch
+shifted his forces from Normandy, leaving Robert to shift for himself; so
+that poor Socks was again driven to the most wretched extremities.
+</p>
+<p>
+Rufus was now troubled by the Welsh, who had overrun Cheshire, probably on
+account of its cheeses, for the Welsh were attached to their rabbits even
+so early as the eleventh century. The Red King pursued them over hill and
+dale, but they daily obtained advantages over him, and on reaching Snowdon
+he saw that it would be the height of folly to proceed further. After a
+few ups and downs over the mountains, he retreated with shame, and found
+occupation at home, a.d. 1094&mdash;5, in quelling a conspiracy headed by
+Robert de Mowbray, Earl of Northumberland, aided by Richard de Tunbridge,
+with a variety of Johns, Williams, and Thomases de What-d'ye-call-'em and
+So-and-So. Some of the conspirators were imprisoned, and some hanged; but
+a few, in anticipation of the fatal bolt, ran away for the purpose of
+avoiding it.
+</p>
+<p>
+Immediately after these events, Robert, roused by the preaching of Peter
+the Hermit, familiarly known as <i>Pietro L'Eremita</i>, determined on
+giving up business as Duke of Normandy and starting as a crusader for
+Palestine. In order to raise money for his travelling expenses, and after
+having vainly entreated discount for his bills, he proposed to sell his
+dukedom to his brother for ten thousand pounds, including the good-will of
+the house of Normandy, the crown, which was not a fixture, the throne with
+its appropriate hangings, the sceptre the sign of royalty, and all the
+palace furniture. The unscrupulous Rufus agreed to purchase, but being
+without a penny of his own, he made a demand on the empty pockets of his
+subjects.
+</p>
+<p>
+Several bishops and abbots having already sold all the treasures of their
+churches, told the king in plain terms they had nothing more to give him,
+when the sovereign replied, "Have you not, I beseech you, coffins of gold
+and silver full of dead men's bones?" thus insinuating, according to
+Holinshed, "that he would have the money out of their bones if they did
+not pay him otherwise." The bishops and abbots were induced to take the
+hint of the king; and the term "boning" may have had its origin from this
+species of robbery.
+</p>
+<p>
+Having paid the ten thousand pounds, Rufus went to take possession of his
+new purchase, and met with no resistance except from one Helie, Lord of La
+Fl�che, who professed to have a previous mortgage on part of the property.
+Rufus treated him as a mortgagee so far as to pay him off in the current
+coin of the age, though a year or two after (a.d. 1100) as the Bed King
+was hunting in the New Forest, he heard that Helie had surprised the town
+of Mans, and of course astonished the men of Mans very unpleasantly.
+</p>
+<p>
+William turned his horse's head towards the nearest seaport, which
+happened to be Dartmouth, plunged into the first vessel he found there,
+and ordered the sailors to start at once for Normandy. The crew suggested
+that it was a very odd start to think of setting off in a gale of wind;
+but his majesty began to storm with as much violence as the elements. He
+asked&mdash;if they ever knew of a king being drowned?&mdash;and if the
+adage applies to those who deserve hanging as well as to those who are
+born for that ceremony, Rufus might have relied on exemption from a watery
+terminus. He arrived safely at Harfleur, after one of the most boisterous
+passages in his life, which was one of considerable turbulence. The bare
+news of his arrival sufficed to frighten Helie, who first ordered his
+troops to fall in, and immediately ordered them to fall out, for he had no
+further use for them. Helie took to his heels, and William became sole
+master of Normandy.
+</p>
+<p>
+We now come to one of the most remarkable incidents in English history,
+and in our desire for accuracy we have grubbed about the records of the
+past with untiring energy. We have blown away the dust of ages with the
+bellows of research, and have, we think, succeeded in investing this
+portion of our annals with a plainness of which the very pike-staff itself
+might be fairly envious.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was on the 1st of August, in the year 1100, that William was passing
+the night at Malwood Keep, a hunting-lodge in the New Forest. Had there
+been a Court Circular in existence in those days, it would have recorded
+the names of Henry, the king's brother, and a host of sporting
+fashionables who were present, to share the pleasures of their sovereign.
+His majesty was heard at midnight to be talking loudly in his sleep, and
+his light having gone out, he was crying lustily for candles. His
+attendants rushed to his room, and found him kicking and plunging under a
+nightmare, from which he was soon released, when he requested them to sit
+and talk to him. When their jokes were on the point of sending him to
+sleep, their songs kept him awake: and in the morning an artisan sent him
+six arrows as a specimen, with an intimation that there would be a large
+reduction on his taking a whole quiver. The king took the half-dozen on
+trial, keeping four for himself, and giving two to Sir Walter Tyrrel, with
+a complimentary remark that "good weapons are due to the sportsman that
+knows how to make a good use of them."
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0038" id="linkimage-0038"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/100m.jpg" alt="100m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/100.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+During a boisterous <i>d�je�ner d la fourchette</i>, at which the Red King
+greatly increased his rubicundity by the quantity of wine he consumed, a
+postman arrived with a dream, from the Abbot of St. Peter's, at
+Gloucester, done up in an envelope. "Read it out," exclaimed Rufus, after
+having glanced at its contents; and on its being found to forbode a
+violent death to the king, he ordered a hundred pence to be given to the
+dreamer, which, supposing him to have been taking "forty winks," would
+have been at the liberal rate of twopence-halfpenny a wink for his rather
+disagreeable doze over the destiny of his sovereign. Rufus laughed at the
+prediction, and repaired to the chase, accompanied by Sir Walter Tyrrel,
+when a hart, in all its heart's simplicity, came and stood between the
+illustrious sportsmen. The extraordinary hilarity of the bounding hart
+attracted the attention of Rufus, who drew his bow, but the string broke,
+and Rufus not having two strings to his bow, called out to Tyrrel to shoot
+at the bald-faced brute for his bare-faced impudence. Sir Walter instantly
+obeyed; but the animal, bobbing down his head, allowed the arrow to go
+through his own branches towards those of a huge tree, when the dart,
+taking a somewhat circuitous route, avoided the body of the hart and went
+home to the heart of the sovereign. Tyrrel ran towards his master, and
+attempted to revive him; but though there was plenty of harts-horn in the
+forest, none could be made available. The unfortunate regicide, merely
+muttering to himself some incoherent expressions as to his having "done it
+now," galloped to the sea coast, and tied to France&mdash;taking French
+leave of his country, according to the usual custom of malefactors.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0039" id="linkimage-0039"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/101m.jpg" alt="101m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/101.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The royal remains were picked up soon after by one Mr. Purkess, a
+respectable charcoal-burner, whose descendants still reside upon the spot,
+and who carted Henry off on his own responsibility to Winchester, where
+the king was honoured by a decent funeral. Though there were plenty of
+lookers-on, there were very few mourners; and in a portrait of the tomb *
+which has been preserved, we recognise economy as the most prominent
+feature. Henry, the king's brother, made the usual rush to the treasury,
+where he filled his pockets with all the available assets; and the members
+of the hunting party, finding that the game was up, started off as fast as
+they could in pursuit of their own interests.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* The tomb still stands in the middle of the choir of
+Winchester Cathedral.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The character of Rufus is not one which the loyal historian will love to
+dwell upon. The philologist may endeavour to prove the brutal
+licentiousness of the king by deriving from Rufus the word ruffian; but
+the philologist will, however, be as much in error as the antiquarian who
+declared that Rufus, or Roofus, was so called from his being the builder
+of Westminster Hall, of which the roof was the most conspicuous ornament.
+The Red King died a bachelor, at the age of forty-three, after a very
+extravagant life, in the course of which he exhibited strong symptoms of
+the royal complaint&mdash;which shows itself in a mania for constructing
+and altering palaces. He would erect new staircases, and indulge in the
+most extravagant flights; but if this had been accompanied by a few steps
+taken in the right direction, Posterity would not have judged very harshly
+what are, after all, the mere whims of royalty.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0010" id="link2HCH0010"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE THIRD. HENRY THE FIRST, SURNAMED BEAUCLERC.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0040" id="linkimage-0040"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/103m.jpg" alt="103m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/103.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+N returning to Henry, we find him at the porter's lodge, imperiously
+demanding the keys of the treasury. While he had just succeeded, by
+alternate bribery and bluster, in obtaining the desired bunch from the
+hesitating janitor, William de Breteuil, the treasurer, came running out
+of breath, and protested, as energetically as the state of his wind would
+allow, against the money being carried away, when Robert, the elder
+brother, had a prior right to it. Henry, having tried a little argument,
+of which he got decidedly the worst, suddenly drew his sword, and
+threatened to perforate the treasurer, or any one else who should oppose
+his progress. A mob of barons having collected round the disputants, took
+part with the new king, in expectation, no doubt, of getting a share of
+the plunder. William de Breteuil was compelled therefore to look on at the
+pocketing of the cash and jewels by Henry and his supporters, the
+treasurer occasionally entering a protest by mildly observing "Mind, <i>I've</i>
+nothing to do with it." Having made use of the cash in buying the
+adherence of some of those mercenary weathercocks&mdash;from whom it is
+considered an honour, in these days, to be descended&mdash;Henry got
+himself crowned on the 5th of August, in the year 1100, at Westminster.
+</p>
+<p>
+Finding his throne rather rickety, he tried a little of the "soft sawder"
+which has always been found serviceable as a cement between the sovereign
+and the people. He mixed up a tolerably useful compound in the shape of a
+charter of liberties, and by laying it on rather thick to the Church, he
+obtained the support of that influential body. He restored ancient rights,
+and promised that when he had to draw money from his people he would
+always draw it as mild as possible.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry's next "dodge" was to try the effect of an English marriage, and he
+therefore sent in a sealed tender for the hand of Miss Matilda Malcolm, or
+Maud, the daughter of the king of Scots, as she is commonly called in
+history. She had already refused as many offers as would have filled a
+moderate-sized bonnet-boxy and sent word back that she was "o'er young to
+marry yet," in answer to the application of the English sovereign. She
+was, however, advised that it would be a capital thing for the two
+countries, if she would consent to the match; and as it is one of the
+penalties of royalty to wed for patriotism instead of from choice, she was
+soon persuaded to agree to the union.
+</p>
+<p>
+Such instances of devotion are, however, only found among royal families;
+for we doubt whether a fair Jemima Jenkins, or a bewitching Beatina Brown,
+would consent to become the wife of young Johnson in an adjacent street,
+for the sake of healing a parochial feud, or curing the heartburn of an
+entire neighbourhood.
+</p>
+<p>
+The marriage between Maud and Henry was very nearly being prevented by a
+report that the young lady had formerly been a nun; but it was proved that
+her aunt had been in the habit of throwing over her head something in the
+shape of a veil or a pinafore, to prevent the Normans from staring at her
+when she went out walking. Miss Matilda had the candour to acknowledge
+that she always took off the unbecoming covering directly she got a little
+way from home, and it is evident she was not unwilling to have a sly peep
+at the Normans, when her aunt was not watching her. Her marriage was
+celebrated on the 11th of November; but Anselm, the Archbishop of
+Canterbury, who officiated, came out of the Abbey before the ceremony, and
+in order to answer all false reports, stuck an enormous poster on the
+door, intimating that Maud was "No Nun," in tremendous capitals.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry also obtained some popularity by expelling all the improper
+characters that his brother had patronised; but it does not seem that they
+were replaced by persons of a much more reputable order. Henry, however,
+affecting the estimable qualities of a new broom, began by sweeping clean,
+and scavenged the court of all his brother's minions. Ralph le Flambard,
+the late king's tax-gatherer, was sent to the Tower, where he became one
+of the lions of the place, and by his wit captivated the keepers who were
+charged with his captivity. Henry on being urged to get rid of him,
+happened to say accidentally, "No, no, give the fellow sufficient rope and
+he will hang himself," upon which one of the courtiers taking his majesty
+at his word, sent an enormous quantity of stout cord to the prisoner.
+Flambard having reduced the guards to the state in which tipplers wish to
+be who love their bottles, took the rope, and hanging himself by the
+waist, lowered himself into the moat beneath, from which he escaped to
+Normandy.
+</p>
+<p>
+Robert Curt-hose, who had turned crusader a year or two before, came back
+(a.d. 1101) with a perfect shrubbery of laurels from Palestine. The
+Normans, delighted at seeing their chief smothered in the evergreens of
+glory, were easily persuaded to join him in an attack upon England. The
+followers of Curt-hose, however, soon began to waver, and after having
+received several terrific stripes, their leader agreed to take 3000 marks,
+by way of annuity, as a compromise for all his claims upon England. Robert
+was true to his part of the engagement, but Henry, under various pretexts,
+soon discontinued his payments to Socks, who nevertheless lived in a style
+of great extravagance. He filled his court with bad characters, who not
+only emptied his pockets, but sold or pawned his clothes; and he is
+represented as often lying in bed for want of the necessary articles of
+attire to enable him to get up to breakfast. With the crown on his toilet
+table, and the regal robe hanging across the back of a chair&mdash;for
+these insignia of royalty were always left to him&mdash;he was still
+without the minor but indispensable articles of dress; and he often
+observed to his minister, "I can't very well go about with nothing on but
+that scanty robe and that hollow bauble." We can imagine him being reduced
+to the necessity of offering to pledge his crown, and being met by the
+depreciatory observation, "that the article was second-hand, had been a
+good deal worn, and seemed very much tarnished."
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0041" id="linkimage-0041"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/105m.jpg" alt="105m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/105.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+At length, in the year 1105, Henry, taking advantage of Robert's reduced
+circumstances, made an attack upon Normandy. The troops of Curt-hose were
+ill-paid, ill-clad, ill-conditioned, and ill-tempered. In vain did
+Curt-hose attempt to rally them; for they only rallied him on his poverty,
+and many of them deserted, leaving him to fight his own battles. His
+personal valour served him for a short time; he struck out right and left
+with enormous vigour, but his almost solitary efforts became at length
+absolutely absurd, and he was ultimately "removed in custody." He was
+subsequently committed to Cardiff Castle, where he died, in the year 1134,
+at the advanced age of nearly eighty; and it was said by a wag of the day,
+that Curt-hose had such a facility of running into debt that he ran up
+four scores with Time before the debt of Nature was satisfied.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry was now master of Normandy, whither he on one occasion took his son
+and heir, William, a lad of eighteen, to receive the homage of the barons.
+This was an idle ceremony, for the barons seldom kept their words; and
+homage, or hummage, was frequently a mere hum on the part of those who
+promised it. The English king was about returning from the port of
+Barfleur, when Thomas Fitz-Stephen, a sailor, originated the disgraceful
+touting system, by thrusting his card into Henry's hands, and offering to
+take the royal party over cheap, in a well-appointed vessel. His majesty
+replied, "I have already taken my own passage in another ship, but the
+prince and his suite have to be conveyed, and I shall be happy to hear
+what you will undertake it for, per head, provisions, of course,
+included." The terms were soon arranged, and the dangerous practice of
+overcrowding having, even at that time, prevailed among mercenary
+speculators, three hundred people were packed into a craft which might
+have comfortably accommodated about twenty. The prince and his gay
+companions insisted on having a party on board the night previous to
+starting, and the crew, as well as the captain, were more than
+half-seas-over before they started from the shore of Normandy.
+Fitz-Stephen was in such a state at the wheel, that it seemed to him
+continually turning round, and the men employed in looking-out thought the
+<i>Bas de Catte</i>&mdash;a well-known rock&mdash;had been doubled, when
+in fact the vessel was driving rapidly on to it. This recklessness soon
+led to a wreck, and the sole survivor was one Berold, a butcher of Rouen,
+who has reported the catastrophe with so much accurate minuteness as to
+have deserved, though he never got it until now, the proud title of the
+father of the penny-a-liners. When Henry heard the news he fainted away,
+and never "smiled as he was wont to smile" from that day to the present.
+Being deprived of his only legitimate son, he became anxious to secure the
+throne to his daughter, the widow Maud, or Matilda, relict of the Emperor
+Henry the Fifth; and on Christmas-day, 1126, the bishops, abbots and
+barons were assembled at Windsor Castle to swear to maintain her
+succession. These parties&mdash;the respectable families that "came in
+with the Conqueror"&mdash;were all guilty of the grossest perjury; which,
+a few years ago, would have rendered them all liable to the pillory, and
+would in the present day expose them to serious punishment. A quarrel
+arose between Stephen, Earl of Boulogne, the king's legitimate nephew, and
+Robert, Earl of Gloucester, his illegitimate son, as to which was entitled
+to swear first; the real object being to decide which, upon breaking their
+oaths as they both fully intended to do&mdash;would take precedence as the
+successor of Henry. After a good deal of desultory discussion, a division
+settled the point in the nephew's favour. Anxious to see his daughter
+settled in life, Henry got her married, rather against her will, to
+Geoffrey, Earl of Anjou; who, from an odd custom he had of wearing a piece
+of broom in his cap, instead of a feather, acquired the nickname of
+Plantagenet. The marriage was celebrated at Rouen, and Henry issued a
+proclamation ordering everybody to be merry. Long faces were thus entirely
+prohibited, there was a penalty on black looks, and persons unable to
+laugh on the right side of their mouths were made to laugh upon the other.
+</p>
+<p>
+Some anxiety was, however, occasioned to Henry by the existence of his
+nephew, William Fitz-Robert, the son of Curt-hose, who had pretensions to
+the throne through Matilda, his grandmother, which of course gave him a
+claim on the friendship of the house of Baldwin, between whom and the
+grandmother there was a close relationship. The apprehensions of Henry
+were aroused by William Fitz-Henry being made Earl of Flanders, but the
+young man was unfortunately killed by receiving a poke from a pike; and
+though the wound was only in the finger, it grew worse from being placed
+in the hands of ignorant practitioners. Finding it did not get better, he
+observed that it was "really very mortifying," and so it was, for
+mortification ensued almost immediately. He died at St. Omer, on the 27th
+of July, 1128, in the twenty-sixth year of his age; and if his epitaph had
+been written, it would have run thus:
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+"Here lies a young prince, whose life was cut short
+By medical quacks overturning the sand of it;
+His finger was wounded, but who could have thought
+The doctors would make such a very bad hand of it?"
+</pre>
+<p>
+Henry's latter days were employed in listening to the quarrels of his his
+daughter, Matilda, and her husband, who were never out of pickles, by
+reason of their family jars, which were very numerous. The king had
+resided four years abroad, and had been hunting, on the 25th of November,
+for the purpose of chasing sorrow as well as the game, when, on his return
+home, he insisted on eating a lamprey, against the orders of his
+physicians. The king did not agree with the doctors, and the lamprey did
+not agree with the king, who died on the 1st of December, 1135, at the age
+of sixty-seven.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry's chief merit was his love of learning, which had got him the name
+of Beau-clerc, or the pretty scholar. He loved the society of men of
+letters, and of wild beasts; but the literary lions were, perhaps, his
+greatest favourites. He nevertheless desired that these lions should only
+roar in his praise; for he punished Luke de Barr�, a poet, very severely
+for having written some satirical verses, in which the king was made a
+laughing-stock. The poet, according to Orderic, burst from the
+executioners and dashed out his brains, which had been the cause of giving
+offence to his sovereign.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0011" id="link2HCH0011"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE FOURTH. STEPHEN.
+</h2>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>F the oaths of the bishops and barons had been worth even the ink
+expended in alluding to them, there might have been some chance of Matilda
+coming quietly to the throne on the death of Henry. The Anglo-Normans,
+however, had as little respect for truth as for property, and were even
+destitute of the humbler virtue of gallantry towards the fair, for they
+began to clamour loudly against the notion of a woman reigning over them.
+</p>
+<p>
+Stephen, the late king's nephew, and Robert, Earl of Gloucester, the
+illegitimate son of Henry, were the two favourites in the race for the
+throne; but the betting was at least ten to one upon the former, in
+consequence of his having married Maud, the daughter and heir of Eustace,
+Count of Boulogne.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the arrival of Stephen in England, he made at once for the treasury,
+which he cleared completely out, and he devoted the proceeds to purchasing
+the fidelity, or rather the mercenary adherence, of the barons, prelates,
+and people. Having bribed a sufficiently numerous party, he procured a
+decent attendance at his coronation, which took place on St. Stephen's
+day, December 22, 1135, at Westminster. He sent a good round sum to the
+pope, Innocent the Second, whose innocence seems to have been chiefly
+nominal, for he was guilty of accepting a bribe to give a testimonial in
+favour of Stephen's title. As long as the money lasted the barons were
+tolerably faithful; but "no plunder no allegiance" was the ordinary motto
+of the founders of those families whose present representatives trace
+themselves up, or rather bring themselves down, to the days of the
+Conquest.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Norman nobles complained that their perjury had not had its price, and
+began seizing various castles belonging to Stephen, who, by purchasing the
+services of other mercenaries, got his property back again. At length,
+however, a coalition was effected between Robert, Earl of Gloucester, and
+Matilda, his half-sister, who landed in England on the 1st of September,
+1139, with a retinue of one hundred and forty knights, an empty purse, and
+very little credit. Several Normans ran to meet Matilda on her arrival;
+but these high-minded founders of our very first families, hearing that
+there was no cash, returned to the side of Stephen.
+</p>
+<p>
+Matilda went on a visit to the Queen Dowager, Adelais, or Alice, at
+Arundel Castle, which was besieged by the king, who, however, respected
+the property on account of its owner, and sent Matilda in safety to join
+her half-brother Robert, at Bristol, whither he had gone with twelve
+followers in search of Bristol board&mdash;and lodging. Stephen, having
+exhausted the materials for making the golden links which had hitherto
+bound the Normans to his side, found them rapidly adhering to Matilda,
+whose expectations were not bad, though her present means were limited.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 2nd of February, 1141, the king was besieging Lincoln when the
+whole of his cavalry wheeled round to the side of the enemy. Relying on
+his infantry, he put himself at their head, but treachery was on foot as
+well as on horseback. He nevertheless fought desperately, breaking his
+sword and battle-axe over the backs of his foes, till he was left fighting
+with the hilt of one weapon and the handle of the other. Having lost the
+use of his arms, he was surrounded by the enemy, but he continued alive
+and kicking till the last, when he was taken prisoner. He was cruelly
+thrown into a dungeon at Bristol, and in order that his muscular activity
+might be checked, he was loaded with irons. He still retained his
+cheerfulness, and may probably have been the original composer of the
+celebrated "hornpipe in fetters," which is occasionally danced by dramatic
+prisoners.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0042" id="linkimage-0042"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/109m.jpg" alt="109m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/109.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Matilda now scraped together all the money she could, to purchase that
+very marketable commodity, the allegiance of the Norman nobles and
+prelates. Among the latter was Stephen's own brother, the Bishop of
+Winchester, who renounced his unfortunate relative, swore fidelity to
+Matilda, cursed all her enemies, and, as the price of all this swearing
+and cursing, received a large amount of church patronage. Not only did he
+crown his new mistress at Winchester, but he crowned his own baseness by a
+slashing speech against his own brother, winding up with a fulsome puff
+for the new queen, whom he hailed as "the sovereign lady of England and
+Normandy." Matilda was by no means successful in handling the sceptre,
+which required a stronger arm and more dexterity than she was mistress of.
+The Londoners, in particular, showed symptoms of revolt, and the Bishop of
+Winchester having got all he could from the queen, turned round once more
+in favour of his brother. This episcopal roundabout was the first to set
+the example, so frequently followed in the present day, of blocking up the
+city; and it is an odd fact that paving was his pretext, for he stopped up
+the London thoroughfares in order to pave the way for the return of his
+brother to power.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0043" id="linkimage-0043"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figright" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/110m.jpg" alt="110m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/110.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+Matilda, who was in town&mdash;probably for the season&mdash;contrived to
+make her escape by the western suburb, with a small retinue. Some of her
+knights quitted her at the bridge which still retains their name; an earl
+or two followed her as far as Earl's Court; some turned off at Turaham
+Green; but by the time she had reached the little Wick of Chis, her party
+had dwindled down into absolute insignificance. Her brother Robert was
+taken prisoner, and Stephen being also in captivity, the two parties were
+brought to a deadlock for want of leaders. By negotiating a sort of Bill
+of Exchange, Robert was released, and Stephen was paid over, in the shape
+of "value received," to his own party.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Bishop of Winchester, who appears to have been an exceedingly
+plausible mob orator, now made another speech, in which he showed a
+wonderful amount of face by regularly turning his back upon himself, and
+unsaying all that he had said in favour of Maud, and against his brother
+on a former occasion. He swore and cursed as before, merely altering the
+name of the objects of his oaths and execrations, for he now swore
+allegiance to his brother instead of to Maud, and cursed the former's,
+instead of the latter's enemies.
+</p>
+<p>
+Stephen was accordingly raised, by the crane of circumstances, from the
+depth of his dungeon, and lifted on to his throne; but he found a new
+rival in the person of Matilda's son, Prince Henry, so that he had now a
+woman and a boy, instead of a mere woman to fight against. Henry, in a
+spirit of calculation far beyond his years, married Eleanor, the divorced
+wife of Louis the Seventh; but it was only for the sake of her money,
+which he expended in getting together an army for an attack upon England.
+The opposing forces met, but having already received their pay, they
+evinced a disposition to shirk their duty, and&mdash;like gentlemen of the
+bar, who having got their fees, propose that the matter should be referred
+to arbitration&mdash;the soldiers of Stephen and Henry recommended a quiet
+compromise.
+</p>
+<p>
+Theobald, Archbishop of Canterbury, and Stephen, Bishop of Winchester,
+were appointed referees, and it was agreed that Stephen should wear the
+crown with remainder over to Henry. A good deal of homage was
+interchanged, for Henry swore fealty to Stephen, and the son of the latter
+swore ditto to Henry. The king in fact cut off his own tail for the
+benefit of his former enemy, and Henry took a kind of <i>post obit</i> as
+a consideration for his not pressing his claims to abbots, also exchanged
+affidavits, and swore in direct opposition to what they had sworn before,
+making altogether a mass of perjury that would have kept the Central
+Criminal Court occupied for half-a-dozen entire sessions. Stephen,
+however, died at Dover, on the 25th of October, 1154, so that he did not
+live long under the new arrangement.
+</p>
+<p>
+The historian often finds himself awkwardly situated when called upon to
+give a character to a king, and there being a natural objection to written
+characters, the difficulty is greater on that account. It maybe said for
+Stephen, that he was sober and industrious, tolerably honest, not addicted
+to gluttony, or given to drink like many of his predecessors, and of
+course, therefore not so much accustomed to wait at table. He had a
+pleasing manner, and a good address, except while confined in prison, when
+his address was none of the pleasantest. On the whole, when we look at him
+as the paid servant of the public, we think him ill adapted for a steward,
+since England was always in confusion while under his care; and as a
+coachman he was even worse, for he was quite unfitted to hold the reins of
+power.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0012" id="link2HCH0012"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE FIFTH. HENRY THE SECOND, SURNAMED PLANTAGENET.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0044" id="linkimage-0044"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:10%;">
+<img src="images/111m.jpg" alt="111m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/111.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+ENRY, who was amusing himself with besieging a castle in Normandy when he
+heard of Stephen's death, soon repaired to England with his middle-aged
+wife, Eleanor. They were crowned on the 19th of December, 1154; but he had
+no sooner got the crown on his head, than he went to business, and
+commenced a series of sweeping reforms. Finding the coinage reduced to a
+state of almost unutterable baseness, he issued a good supply of new
+money, and thus gave a fearful smash to the smashers. He drove out a
+quantity of foreign scamps, who had been made earls and barons in the
+reign of Stephen. After having enjoyed the fee-simple of castles and
+estates, they were sent back to take possession of the plough in tail, and
+to till as serfs the earth's surface. Finding the royal income very much
+reduced, Henry restored it by taking back what his predecessors had given
+away; an operation he performed with so much impartiality, that he
+deprived his friends and his foes indiscriminately of all their
+possessions.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0045" id="linkimage-0045"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/113m.jpg" alt="113m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/113.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The policy of Henry the Second, on coming to the throne, seems to have
+differed from that of most of his predecessors; for while they had usually
+bought the allegiance of all the knaves and rogues about the court, he
+preferred the less costly process of rendering them perfectly powerless.
+He demolished many of the castles which had been erected by the barons, as
+fences rather than defences, for they were little better than receptacles
+for stolen property. Nor was he less vigorous in his measures against the
+clergy, for, like a skilful chess-player, he felt that it is better for
+the king that the bishops and the castles should be got out of the way
+when they are likely to prove troublesome. So far, therefore, from
+encouraging the exactions of the priesthood, he seems to have kept a
+supply of industrious fleas, for the purpose of putting one now and then
+into the ear of such of the clergy as came to make unreasonable requests
+to him. It is said that, on one occasion, the prior and monks of St.
+Swithin's threw themselves prostrate before the king imploring his
+protection against the Bishop of Winchester, who had cut off three meals a
+day from the ravenous fraternity. Henry perceiving that the monks were in
+tolerable condition, inquired how many meals were still left to them.
+"Only ten!" roared the prior, in recitative, while the rest of the party
+took up the words in dismal chorus.
+</p>
+<p>
+How they could have contrived to demolish thirteen meals a day is an
+enigma to us; but the fact is a wondrous proof of monkish ingenuity. In
+the days of ignorance all classes were prepared, no doubt, to swallow a
+great deal, but thirteen meals must have required a power of digestion and
+a force of appetite that throw into the shade even the aldermanic
+attainments of a more civilised period. Henry, who took nothing but his
+breakfast, dinner, and tea, was shocked and startled by the awful avowal
+of gluttony on the part of the monks of St. Swithin, whom he placed at
+once on a diet similar to his own, by reducing them to three meals <i>per
+diem</i>. It is probable that the monks crammed into three repasts the
+quantity they had consumed in thirteen, and thus eluded the force of the
+royal order.
+</p>
+<p>
+By a rigorous determination to "stand no nonsense," either with the clergy
+or the nobles, and by ordering the Flemish mercenaries of the army to the
+"right about," Henry seemed to commence his reign under very encouraging
+auspices.
+</p>
+<p>
+Not content with his successes at home, he sought to increase his
+influence abroad by taking Nantes, and he sent Thomas � Becket to Paris to
+bamboozle the French court, lest his encroachments should excite jealousy
+in that quarter, Thomas � Becket was the son of Mr. Gilbert � Becket, a
+respectable tradesman of the city of London; and as his appears to be the
+first mercantile name on record, we are justified in calling him the
+Father of British Commerce. The chronicles of the Times&mdash;and we are
+justified in relying on the united evidence of the <i>Times</i> and <i>Chronicle</i>&mdash;relate
+that Gilbert � Becket, in the way of business, followed the army to
+Palestine. What his business could have been we are unable to guess, but
+as it took him to the camp, he may perhaps have been a dealer in camp
+stools, or tent bedsteads. Mr. Gilbert � Becket unfortunately became a
+prisoner, and being sold to a rich Mussulman, fell in love with a young
+Mussul girl, his master's daughter. The affection was mutual, and the
+child of the Mussulman strained every muscle, or, at all events, every
+nerve to effect the escape of Gilbert � Becket, who, in the hurry of his
+departure, forgot to take the lady away with him. It is not unlikely that
+he had got half-way to London before he missed the faithful girl, and it
+would then have been the height of imprudence to return for the purpose of
+repairing the oversight. His <i>inamorata</i> made the best of her way
+after him, and arriving in London, ran about the streets, exclaiming,
+"Gilbert! Gilbert!" thus acting as her own crier, instead of putting the
+matter into the hands of the regular bellman.
+</p>
+<p>
+The fact of a young woman continually traversing the great metropolis with
+Gilbert in her mouth, soon reached the ears of Mr. � Becket, who found the
+female in distress and his own Saracen maid to be the same individual. One
+of those frantic recognitions occurred, in which a rapid dialogue of "No!"
+"Yes!" "It can't be!" "It is!" "My long-lost Sara&mdash;!" "My Gil&mdash;!"
+is spasmodically were through, and the couple having rushed into each
+other's arms, gone soon bound together by that firmest of locks familiarly
+known as wedlock. The fruit of their union was the celebrated Thomas, of
+whose career we are enabled from peculiar sources to furnish some
+interesting particulars.
+</p>
+<p>
+Gilbert was determined to give his boy Tom a good education, and sent him
+to school at Merton Abbey, where a limited number of young gentlemen from
+three to eight were lodged, boarded, and birched&mdash;when necessary&mdash;at
+a moderate stipend. Young Tom was removed from Merton to a classical and
+commercial academy in London, which he quitted for Oxford, and he was
+ultimately sent to Paris to undergo the process of French polishing. While
+yet a young man, he got a situation in the office of the sheriff, and
+became, of course, a sheriff's officer; in which capacity he arrested,
+among other things, the attention of Theobald, Archbishop of Canterbury.
+His patron took young � Becket from the <i>ad captandum</i> pursuits in
+which he had been engaged, put him into the Church, gave him rapid
+preferment, and introduced him to the parties at the palace, which had, in
+those days, sufficient accommodation for the family and friends of
+royalty. Mr. � Becket became chancellor of the kingdom, though he never
+held a brief, or had even been called to the bar; and he was appointed
+tutor to the Royal Family, in which office he no doubt had the assistance
+of the Usher of the Black Rod. Of course, with his multiplicity of offices
+and occupations, it may be presumed that Mr. � Becket made a very
+excellent thing of it. His house was a palace, he drank nothing but the
+best wine, employed none but the best tailors, and when he went to Paris
+he took four-and-twenty changes of apparel&mdash;which may, perhaps, have
+been after all nothing more than two dozen shirts&mdash;so that he had a
+different costume for every hour of the day. In his progress through
+France he was preceded by two hundred and fifty boys, or charity children,
+singing national songs. These were followed by his dogs, in couples, who
+no doubt gave tongue, and made a sort of barking accompaniment to the
+music that went before.
+</p>
+<p>
+Eight waggons came next, carrying his clothes and his crockery, his
+cooking apparatus, his bed and bedding, and his suite; when after a few
+led horses, some knights with their esquires, and some monkeys <i>� cheval</i>
+with a groom behind, on his knees, came � Becket himself and his familiar
+friends. * His entry into a town was more like that of an equestrian troop
+about to establish a circus than that of the Chancellor of England
+travelling in his master's behalf. He lived on terms of the closest
+intimacy with the king, who made him Archbishop of Canterbury, but not
+until thirteen months after the death of Theobald the First, for Henry
+always kept a good appointment open as long as he could, that he might put
+the revenues into his own pocket.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* <i>Vide</i> Fitz-Stephen, Secretary and Biographer of Thomas �
+Becket.
+</pre>
+<p>
+From the time of his promotion to the see of Canterbury, � Becket became
+an altered man. He cut his gay companions, discharged his <i>chef de
+cuisine</i>, discontinued his dealings with his West-End tailor, and took
+to a kind of cheap blouse made of the coarsest sackcloth. He abandoned his
+sumptuous mode of living and drank water made unsavoury by herbs,
+victimising himself probably with cups of camomile tea, and copious doses
+of senna. But the most serious change in � Becket's conduct, was his
+altered behaviour to the king, whom he had previously backed in all his
+attacks on the Church revenues. The new archbishop stood up for all the
+privileges of the clergy, and a difference of opinion between � Becket and
+the king, as to the right to try a delinquent clergyman in the civil
+courts, led to the summoning of a council of nobles and prelates (a.d.
+1164) at Clarendon. Some rules were drawn up, called the "Constitutions of
+Clarendon," which � Becket reluctantly agreed to sign; but Pope Alexander
+having rejected them, the archbishop withdrew his name from the list of
+subscribers.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0046" id="linkimage-0046"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/115m.jpg" alt="115m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/115.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Finding the vengeance of the king likely to prove too much for him, �
+Becket quitted the kingdom, and was very hospitably entertained during his
+stay on the Continent.
+</p>
+<p>
+After an absence of about seven years, he returned in consequence of the
+king of France and others having persuaded Henry to make it up, though the
+reconciliation was never very cordial. Though � Becket was received with
+shouts of approbation by the mob, he was greeted, on his arrival, with
+menacing signs and abusive language from the aristocracy.
+</p>
+<p>
+There was a strong party against him at court, and one evening, at about
+tea-time, Henry and a few nobles were sitting round the palace fire,
+gossiping over the subject of � Becket's awful insolence. The king burst
+into a furious diatribe, stigmatising the archbishop as a beggar, and
+winding up with the suggestive observation that, "Not one of the cowards I
+nourish at my table&mdash;not one will deliver me from this turbulent
+priest." Four knights who were present took the royal hint, and gave the
+archbishop a call at his house in Canterbury, where having seated
+themselves unceremoniously on the floor, they got to high words very
+speedily. The archbishop refused to yield to low abuse, and went in the
+evening to vespers as usual. The feelings of the historian will not allow
+him to dwell much upon the <i>d�nouement</i> of the drama in which �
+Becket had played the principal character. Suffice it to say, he was
+murdered in Canterbury Cathedral by four assassins, of whom Fitzurse&mdash;the
+son of a bear&mdash;was one, and Mireville, a name suggestive of mire and
+villainy was another. The two remaining butchers were Britto, of Saxon
+descent, a low fellow, familiarly termed the Brick, and Tracey, who is not
+worth the trouble of tracing.
+</p>
+<p>
+When Henry heard of this dreadful deed, he went without his dinner for
+three days, during which period he shut himself up in his own room, and
+refused to be "at home" to anyone.
+</p>
+<p>
+By way of diverting his melancholy, he determined on joining in an Irish
+row, and finding the chiefs of the five principalities into which Ireland
+was divided at cross purposes, he espoused the cause of Dermot Mc
+Murrough, who seems to have been what the Milesians would term the
+"biggest blackguard" amongst them. Henry gave him a letter authorising him
+to employ any of the subjects of England that happened to be disengaged;
+and three ruined barons, with damaged reputations, chancing to be out of
+work in the neighbourhood of Bristol, were offered terms by Dermot. This
+precious trio consisted of two brothers, named Robert Fitz-Stephen and
+Maurice Fitz-Gerald, and Richard de Clare, Earl of Pembroke, surnamed
+Strongbow, though, as he was greatly addicted to falsehood, Longbow would
+have been a more appropriate name for him.
+</p>
+<p>
+After talking the matter over for some time without any arrangement being
+come to, Strongbow cut the matter short by exclaiming, "I'll tell you what
+it is. If I'm to fight for your kingdom, I must have it myself when you
+have done with it. You must make me your heir, and, as a security that you
+will perform your part of the agreement, I must marry your daughter."
+Dermot, though rather taken aback by this proposal, invited Strongbow to a
+quiet chop, over which the latter's terms were acceded to; and the ruined
+baron, feeling that it was "neck or nothing" with him, succeeded in making
+it "neck" by the ardour with which he entered into the contest. Though he
+set to work in the spring of the year, his vengeance was truly summary,
+and in a few months he had restored everything to Dermot, who happened
+conveniently to die, and Strongbow came in for all that he had been
+fighting for.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry having become jealous, Strongbow thought it good policy not to
+overshoot the mark, and came to England to offer allegiance. The king at
+first refused to see him, and on calling at Newnham, in Gloucestershire,
+where Henry was staying, he was kept for some time eating humble-pie in
+the passage with the hall-porter. Strongbow having been sufficiently bent
+by this treatment, was at length asked to step up, and it was arranged
+that he should accompany the king to Ireland, surrender his possessions,
+and consent to hold them as the vassal of the English sovereign.
+</p>
+<p>
+On his return to England, Henry, who had four sons, began to find "the
+boys" exceedingly troublesome. Their mother, once the middleaged, but now
+the ancient Eleanor, had grown cross as well as venerable; and being
+exceedingly jealous of her husband, encouraged his own sons to worry him.
+Her jealousy had become a perfect nuisance; and jealousy is unfortunately
+one of those nuisances which never get abated.
+</p>
+<p>
+A story is told of a certain Fair Rosamond; and, though there is no doubt
+of its being a story from beginning to end, it is impossible to pass it
+over in an English History. Henry, it is alleged, was enamoured of a
+certain Miss Clifford&mdash;if she can be called a certain Miss Clifford,
+who was really a very doubtful character. She had been the daughter of a
+baron on the banks of the Wye, when, without a why or a wherefore, the
+king took her away, and transplanted the Flower of Hereford, as she well
+deserved to be called, to the Bower of Woodstock. In this Bower he
+constructed a labyrinth, something like the maze at Rosherville; and as
+there was no man stationed on an elevation in the centre to direct the
+sovereign with a pole which way to go, nor exclaim,
+</p>
+<p>
+"Right, if you please!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Straight on!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"You're right now, sir!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Left!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Right again!" etc. etc., his majesty had adopted the plan of dragging one
+of Rosamond's reels of silk along with him when he left the spot, so that
+it formed a guide to him on his way back again.
+</p>
+<p>
+This tale of the silk is indeed a most precious piece of entanglement; but
+it was perhaps necessary for the winding up of the story. While we cannot
+receive it as part of the thread of history, we accept it as a means of
+accounting for Eleanor having got a clue to the retreat of Rosamond.
+</p>
+<p>
+The queen, hearing of the silk, resolved naturally enough to unravel it.
+She accordingly started for Woodstock one afternoon, and, suspecting
+something wrong, took a large bowl of poison in one hand, and a stout
+dagger in the other. Having found Fair Rosamond, she held the poignard to
+the heart, and the bowl to the lips of that unfortunate young person, who,
+it is said, preferred the black draught to the steel medicine.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0047" id="linkimage-0047"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/117m.jpg" alt="117m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/117.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+That such a person as Fair Rosamond existed is perfectly true, for she was
+buried at Godstow, near Oxford. The sensitive heart, which is ever anxious
+to inundate the page of sorrow with a regular Niagara of tears, is however
+earnestly requested to turn off the rising supply from the main of pity,
+for it is agreed on all hands that the death of Rosamond was perfectly
+natural. It has been convenient for the ro-mancists to cut short her
+existence by drowning it in the bowl; but truth compels us to add, that
+there is no ground for such a conclusion.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry devoted the remainder of his life to quarrelling, first with one of
+his children, then the other, and every now and then with all of them. He
+fully intended to divide his possessions among them; but they most
+unreasonably required to be let into possession before the death of the
+governor. The eldest ran away to France, and Eleanor had actually put on
+male attire, with the intention of abandoning Henry, when, unfortunately
+for him, he was silly enough to have her imprisoned for the purpose of
+stopping her. "Why didn't you let her go?" was the frequent exclamation of
+his intimate friends to the king, and a melancholy "Ha! I wish I had," was
+the only reply he was able to make them.
+</p>
+<p>
+Finding himself threatened on all sides, and when he had exhausted every
+other expedient, he resolved on trying what penitence could do for him.
+His conscience no doubt often reminded him of the murder of poor � Becket,
+to whose shrine the king determined on making a pilgrimage. Purchasing
+some split peas, he put about a pint in each of his stockings, and started
+for Canterbury, where he threw himself madly upon � Becket's tomb,
+sobbing, yelling and shrieking in the most pitiable manner. Nor was this
+enough, for he threw off his robe, and insisted on receiving the lash from
+about eighty ecclesiastics. Though they administered the punishment so
+lightly that the cat caused only a few scratches, the peculiar
+circumstances attending it cause it to stand out in history as <i>par
+excellence</i> "the great flogging case."
+</p>
+<p>
+The ecclesiastical authorities at Canterbury taking advantage of Henry's
+softened heart, which seems to have been accompanied by a sad softness of
+head, succeeded in extracting from him a promissory note to pay forty
+pounds a year for keeping lights constantly burning on the tomb of �
+Becket. There can be no doubt that the contract for lighting was taken
+cheaply enough by some tradesman of the town, and that the surplus went
+into the clerical coffers. Posterity regards with disgust the effrontery
+of the monks in making&mdash;for the sake of a few dips&mdash;such an
+enormous dip into the purse of the sovereign.
+</p>
+<p>
+From this time affairs began to mend; and it would seem that the whipping
+his majesty had suffered had whipped his misfortunes completely out of
+him. If the king had been an old carpet the beating he received could not
+have proved more beneficial than it did, for it seemed to revive the
+brighter colours of his existence. He employed the peace he now enjoyed in
+carrying out some political reforms, divided England into six circuits, so
+that Justice might be brought home to every man's door; though, like
+everything else that is brought home to one's door, it must be paid for&mdash;sometimes
+after a little credit, but sometimes on delivery. He abolished the
+criminal tariff, by which it had been allowable for the rich to commute
+their offences, according to a certain scale of charges. Family quarrels
+unfortunately called him away from these wholesome pursuits, and his
+eldest son died of a fever brought on in consequence of a disagreement
+with his younger brother, Richard. Prince Henry expired on the 11th of
+June, 1183, in the twenty-seventh year of his age. Such was his remorse,
+that, according to Roger Hoveden, he insisted on his attendants tying a
+rope to his foot and taking him in tow, until they dragged him out of his
+bed, in order to deposit him on a bed of ashes. This particular desire to
+die in a dusthole was accompanied by a request for a reconciliation with
+his father, who sent a ring as a token of forgiveness, with a message that
+he hoped the invalid might come, like the ring, completely round.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the death of their elder brother, Richard and Geoffrey still continued
+to show fight against their father; who at length got so much the worst of
+it, that he was obliged to make the best of it by coming to a compromise.
+By one of the conditions he was to pardon all the insurgent barons, and
+having called for a list of them, found at the bottom of it the name of
+his favourite son John. This was too much for the persecuted parent, who
+flew into a furious passion, which he vented in the customary manner of
+royalty at that period, by pouring out a volley of execrations with
+frightful fluency. He jumped on to his bed, and, falling back upon it,
+turned round to the wall, exclaiming "Now then, let everything go&mdash;&mdash;
+as it will." Several ministers, priests, bishops, prelates, and barons
+were in attendance, under pretence of receiving his last sigh, but really
+with the intention of robbing him of his last shilling, for they rifled
+his pockets directly life was extinct.
+</p>
+<p>
+The reign of Henry, though not very comfortable to himself, was
+undoubtedly beneficial to his country. He introduced many improvements
+into the law, and was the first to levy a tax on the goods of nobles as
+well as commoners, for the service of the state. He died at the Castle of
+Chinon, near Saumur, on the 6th of July, 1189, in the fifty-sixth year of
+his age. He left behind him a good name, which those who stole his purse
+were fortunately not able to filch from him. His wife caused all the
+quarrels in his family, showing that a firebrand may grow out of a very
+bad match. Eleanor was indeed a female Lucifer, lighting up the flame of
+discord between parent and children, until death gave her husband the
+benefit of a divorce.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0013" id="link2HCH0013"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE SIXTH. RICHARD THE FIRST, SURNAMED COUR DE LION.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0048" id="linkimage-0048"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/120m.jpg" alt="120m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/120.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+ICHARD having secured the crown began to look after the cash, and pounced
+upon an unhappy old man named Stephen, of Tours, who had acted as
+treasurer to Henry the Second. The new king, not satisfied with cashiering
+the cashier, arrested him and threw him into prison, until he had given up
+not only all the late king's money, but had parted with every penny of his
+own, which was extracted in the shape of costs from the unfortunate
+victim.
+</p>
+<p>
+Richard, on arriving in England, made for Winchester, where the sovereigns
+were in the habit of keeping their plate and jewels, all of which were
+turned at once into ready money in order to enable him to carry on the
+war, which he was very anxious to do, as a crusader in Palestine. It would
+seem that the treasury was regularly emptied at the commencement of every
+new reign, and filled again as speedily as possible by exactions on the
+people.
+</p>
+<p>
+The coronation of Richard, which took place on the 3rd of September, 1189,
+was disgraced by an attack upon the Jews, who came to offer presents,
+which were eagerly received; but the donors were kicked out of Westminster
+Hall with the most ruthless violence. Nearly all the Jews in London were
+savagely murdered, all their houses were burnt and all their property
+stolen; when Richard issued a proclamation, in which he stated that he
+took them under his gracious protection: an act which would have been more
+gracious if it had come before instead of after the extermination of the
+ill-used Israelites.
+</p>
+<p>
+How to go to Palestine was, however, the king's sole care; and to raise
+the funds for this trip he sold everything he possessed, as well as a
+great deal that rightfully belonged to others. He put up towns, castles,
+and fortresses to public auction, knocking down not only the property
+itself but those also who offered any remonstrance, or put in any claim to
+the goods he was disposing of. Such was his determination to clear off
+everything without reserve, that he swore he would put up London itself if
+he could find a bidder&mdash;an assertion that was very likely to put up
+the citizens.
+</p>
+<p>
+Some of the castles he sold two or three times over, leaving the
+purchasers to settle among themselves which should be the possessor of the
+property that had been paid for by every one of them. It is not unlikely
+that he caused glowing advertisements to be prepared, of "Little
+Paradises," standing "in their own fortifications;" and that he would have
+described a dead wall with a moat before it as "Elysium on a small scale,"
+entrenched behind its own battlements. There can be little doubt that he
+would also have dilated in glowing terms upon the wealth of the
+neighbourhood offering unlimited pillage to an enterprising purchaser.
+</p>
+<p>
+Richard's presence-chamber was, according to Sir Francis Palgrave, a
+regular market-overt, in which prerogatives and bounties were to be
+purchased by any one coming with the money to pay for them. We can fancy a
+table laid out with a number of patents of nobility, labelled with a large
+ticket, announcing, "All these titles at an enormous sacrifice." We can
+imagine a row of velvet robes and coronets hanging up under a placard
+inscribed "Dukedoms at a considerable reduction;" while we can contemplate
+a quantity of knights' helmets lying in the window, marked at a very low
+figure, after the manner of the five thousand straw bonnets offered to the
+public by some dashing haberdasher at the commencement of the spring
+season.
+</p>
+<p>
+Richard even went so far as to announce the stock of vacant bishoprics as
+"selling off;" and it is not improbable that he may have caused tasteful
+arrangements of mitres and lawn sleeves to be arranged in different parts
+of the presence-chamber, to tempt the ambition of ecclesiastical
+purchasers. He likewise sold his own good-will for three thousand marks to
+his half-brother Geoffrey, who had been elected Archbishop of York; and
+wherever there was a penny to be turned, Richard had the knack of turning
+it.
+</p>
+<p>
+Having left the regency in the hands of one Hugh Pudsey, the king repaired
+to France to meet Philip, who was to be his companion to Palestine. Their
+united forces amounted to a hundred thousand men; but Richard and Philip
+did not travel together farther than Lyons, and indeed it was as well they
+did not, for they were almost continually quarrelling. Numerous adventures
+befel Richard on his way; but the most awkward was his being dunned by the
+cardinal bishop of Ostia&mdash;where he had put in to repair&mdash;for a
+debt due to the see of Rome, on account of bulls and other papal articles.
+</p>
+<p>
+Cour de Lion, instead of discharging the bill, abused and ill-treated the
+applicant, and made the best of his way to Naples, before there was time
+for ulterior proceedings. He went thence to Sicily, where his quarrel with
+Philip was renewed, and the latter demanded an explanation of Richard's
+refusal to marry the princess Aliz, the French king's sister. Cour de
+Lion, who had really formed another attachment, excused himself by
+blackening the character of the lady to whom he had been engaged, and her
+chivalrous brother agreed to take two thousand marks a year, as a
+compromise for the breach of promise of marriage which Richard had
+committed. "Such," exclaims Hume&mdash;and well he may&mdash;"were the
+heroes of this pious enterprise."
+</p>
+<p>
+The Princess Aliz or Alice, having been regularly thrown overboard by the
+bargain between her own brother ana her late lover, the latter was at
+liberty to follow his inclination by marrying Berengaria, daughter of the
+king of Navarre, with whom he had had a flirtation as early as during his
+residence at Guienne. Taking with him his latest affianced, he set sail
+for Palestine; but his ship being cast ashore at Cyprus, and plundered by
+the natives, he waited to chastise the people, and imprison an elderly
+person named Isaac, who called himself the emperor. He then ran off with
+the old man's only daughter, in addition to the princess of Navarre, whom
+he had the coolness to marry on the very spot from which he had seized
+this new addition to the female part of his establishment. The only
+reparation offered to the father was a set of silver fetters to wear
+instead of the common iron he had at first been thrown into.
+</p>
+<p>
+Richard at length arrived in Palestine, and was not long in getting to
+work against the forces of Saladin, who, leading forth his battalions,
+mounted on their real Jerusalem ponies, proved exceedingly harassing.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0049" id="linkimage-0049"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/122m.jpg" alt="122m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/122.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Among the events of the crusade undertaken for the promotion of
+Christianity, on the side of the Lion Heart, his beheading of five
+thousand Turkish prisoners stands conspicuous. This act of barbarity arose
+out of some misunderstanding on the subject of a truce, and Saladin, by
+way of making matters square, slaughtered about an equal number of captive
+Christians. Such were the heroic defenders of the Cross on one side and
+the Crescent on the other. It is generally a libel to compare a human
+being to a brute, but in giving the title of Lion Heart to Richard, the
+noble beast is the party scandalised.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is surprising that the British lion has never cited this as one of his
+numerous grievances, for he would certainly have a capital action for
+defamation if he were to sue by his next friend or <i>in forma pauperis</i>
+for this malicious imputation on his noble character.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 7th of September, 1191, the two chiefs came to a general
+engagement, near Azotus, about nine miles from Ascalon. Richard's prowess
+was tremendous; but, after himself, the most striking object was his
+battle-axe. This wondrous weapon had been forged in England by the very
+best Smiths, and there were twenty pounds of steel in the head, formed
+into a tremendous nob, which fell with fearful force on the nobs of his
+enemies. His battle-axe divided with him the attention of all beholders,
+and he divided the turbans of the foe with his battle-axe. The weapons of
+the Crusaders were certainly better adapted for havoc than those of the
+Saracens, who seem to have fought with an instrument less calculated for
+milling men than for milling chocolate. The armour of the knights was also
+more effective than that of their adversaries; for while the former had
+their heads comfortably secured in articles made on the principle of
+rushlight shades, with holes for seeing and breathing through, the
+partisans of the Crescent wore little more upon their heads than might
+have been supplied by the folding of a sheet or tablecloth into the form
+of a turban. The result was that Baladin was compelled to fly, with a loss
+of seven thousand men and thirty-two emirs, which so diminished his stock
+of officers that he was almost reduced, according to an old chronicler, to
+his very last emir-gency.
+</p>
+<p>
+Richard went on to Jaffa, where he was delayed by an artful proposition to
+negotiate until the rainy weather set in; and he had to start off during
+November, in the midst of incessant showers. The Crusaders got regularly
+soaked; and being caught in the middle of the plain of Sharon with no
+place, not even a doorway, they could stand up under, they tried to pitch
+a tent, which was instantly pitched down by the fury of the elements.
+Their arms became perfectly rusty, and their horses, not liking the wet,
+got rusty also. Their provisions were all turned into water <i>souchet</i>,
+and indeed the spirit of the Crusaders became weakened by excessive
+dilution in the pelting showers.
+</p>
+<p>
+The energies of Richard and his companions were of course considerably
+damped; but a positive inundation would scarcely have quenched the fire of
+chivalry. Cour de Lion retreated to Ascalon, the fortifications of which
+he found had been dismantled; but he worked to restore them like a common
+mason, mixing mortar on his shield for want of a hod, and using his axe as
+a substitute for a trowel. All the men of rank followed his example,
+except the Duke of Austria, who declared that he had not been brought up
+to it; upon which Cour de Lion kicked him literally through the breach in
+the fortification he had refused to repair, and turned him out of the town
+with all his vassals.
+</p>
+<p>
+After a most uncomfortable sojourn in Palestine, Richard opened a
+negotiation with Saladin; and the ardour of both having been rather
+cooled, a truce was concluded. It was to last three years, three months,
+three weeks, and three days, the discussion on the subject occupying about
+three hours, the writing out the agreement three minutes, and the signing
+three seconds.
+</p>
+<p>
+Taking advantage of the truce, Richard quitted Palestine for England; but
+sending the ladies home in a ship, he started to walk in the disguise of a
+pilgrim by way of Germany. Though his costume was humble his expenditure
+was lavish; and having sent a boy into the market-place of Vienna to buy
+some provisions, the splendid livery of the page, and his abundance of
+cash, excited suspicion as to the rank of his master. The secret of the
+Lion Heart was kept for some time by the faithful tiger, but he was at
+length forced into a confession, and Richard was arrested on the 20th of
+December, 1193, by the very Duke of Austria whom he had some time before
+kicked unceremoniously out of Ascalon.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Emperor Henry the Sixth claimed the royal captive as a prize, and
+Richard was locked up in a German dungeon with German shutters, and fed
+alternately on German rolls and German sausages, while his enemies were
+doing their worst at home and abroad to deprive him of his sovereignty.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0050" id="linkimage-0050"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/126m.jpg" alt="126m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/126.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+There is a legend attached to the incident of Richard's captivity: which
+has the slight disadvantage of being altogether fabulous, and We therefore
+insert it&mdash;under protest&mdash;in the pages of our faithful history.
+The story runs that the Lion Heart, who was fond of music, and had a
+tolerable voice, used to amuse himself and his gaolers by singing some of
+the most popular ballads of the period. It happened that Blondel, one of
+his favourite minstrels, of whom he had probably taken lessons in happier
+hours, was on an ambulatory tour, for professional purposes, when he
+chanced to tune his clarionet and clear his throat, with the intention of
+"striking up" under the walls of Richard's prison. At that moment the Lion
+Heart had just been called upon for a song, and his voice issued in a
+large octavo volume from the window of his dungeon. The tones seemed
+familiar to the minstrel, but when there came a tremendous trill on the
+low G, followed by a succession of roulades on A flat, with an abrupt
+modulation from the minor to the major key, Professor Blondel instantly
+recognised the voice of his royal pupil. The wandering minstrel, without
+waiting for the song to terminate, broke out into a magnificent <i>sol fa</i>,
+and the king at once remembering the style of his old master, responded by
+going through some exercises for the voice which he had been in the habit
+of practising. Blondel having ascertained the place of his sovereign's
+confinement, had the prudence to "copy the address," and went away,
+determining to do his utmost for the release of Richard. "I wish," thought
+the professor, as he retired from the spot, "that those iron bars were
+bars of music, for then I could show him how they are to be got through;
+or would that any of the keys of which I am master would unlock the door
+of his prison!" With these two melancholy puns, induced by the sadness of
+his reflections, Blondel hastened from the spot, and repaired to England
+with tidings of the missing monarch.
+</p>
+<p>
+Such is the romantic little story that is told by those greatest of
+story-tellers, the writers of history.
+</p>
+<p>
+Richard was at length brought up for examination before the Diet of Worms;
+and though several charges were alleged against him, he pleaded his own
+cause with so much address, that he was discharged on payment of a fine of
+one hundred and fifty thousand marks, being about three hundred thousand
+pounds of our money. He at once put down thirteen and fourpence in the
+pound, giving good bills and hostages for the remainder; but the amount
+was soon raised by taxes and voluntary contributions from the English
+people. Churches melted down their plate, people born with silver spoons
+in their mouths came forward with zeal, whether the article happened to be
+a gravy, a table, a dessert, or a tea; and the requisite sum was raised to
+release him from captivity. He arrived in England on the 20th of March,
+1194, and was enthusiastically welcomed home, where he got up another
+coronation of himself, by way of furnishing an outlet for the overflowing
+loyalty of the people. As if desirous of taming it down a little, he made
+some heavy demands upon their pockets; but nothing seemed capable of
+damping the ardour of the nation, which appeared ready to give all it
+possessed in change for this single sovereign.
+</p>
+<p>
+About the middle of May, 1194, Richard revisited Barfleur, with the
+intention of chastising his brother John&mdash;who had shown symptoms of
+usurpation in his absence&mdash;and the French king, Philip. John, like a
+coward, flew to his mamma&mdash;the venerable Eleanor&mdash;requesting her
+to intercede for him. The old lady wrote a curt epistle, consisting of the
+words, "Dear Dick&mdash;Forgive Jack. Yours ever, Nell;" and John having
+fallen at the feet of Richard, was contemptuously kicked aside with a free
+pardon. Against the French king, however, several battles were fought,
+with fluctuating success, though Richard's fortunes now and then received
+a fillip which caused Philip to get the worst of it. A truce was concluded
+on the 23rd of July, 1194, but London beginning to rebel, cut out fresh
+work for Lion Heart. The discontented cockneys had for their leader one
+William Fitz-Osbert, commonly called Longbeard, who complained of the
+citizens having been so closely shaved by taxation; and Longbeard even
+dared to beard the sovereign himself, by going to the Continent to
+remonstrate with Richard. The patriot made one of those clap-trap speeches
+(or which mob-orators have in all ages been famous), and demanded for the
+poor that general consideration which really amounts to nothing
+particular. Richard promised that the matter should be looked into, but
+nothing was done&mdash;except the people and their advocate. In the year
+1196 Longbeard originated the practice of forming political associations,
+and got together no less than fifty-two thousand members, who swore to
+stand by him as the advocate and saviour of the poor; an oath which ended
+in heir literally standing by him and seeing him savagely butchered by his
+enemies. He was taking a quiet walk with only nine adherents, when he was
+dodged by a couple of citizens, who had been watching him for several
+days, and who pretended to be enjoying a stroll, until they got near
+enough to enable them to seize the throat of Longbeard. This movement
+instantly raised his choler, and drawing his knife, he succeeded in
+cutting completely away. He sought refuge in the church of St. Mary of
+Arches, which he barricaded for four days, but he was at last taken,
+stabbed, dragged at a horse's tail to the Tower, and forwarded by the same
+conveyance to Smithfield, where he was hanged on a gibbet, with the nine
+unfortunates who had been the companions of his promenade. The mob, who
+had stood by him while he was thus cruelly treated, pretended to look upon
+him as a martyr directly he was dead. This, however, seems to have been
+the result of interested motives, for they stole the gibbet, and cut it up
+into relics, which were sold at most exorbitant prices; so that, by making
+a saint of him, they gave a value to the gallows which they purloined. It
+is possible that they were not particular as to the genuineness of the
+article, so long as there was any demand for little bits of Longbeard's
+gibbet.
+</p>
+<p>
+Richard was now engaged in almost continual quarrels with Philip, which
+were only suspended by occasional want of money to pay the respective
+barons, who always struck, or rather, refused to strike at all, when they
+could not get their wages. In the year 1198, hostilities were renewed with
+great vigour, and a battle was fought near Gisors, where Philip was nearly
+drowned by the breaking of a bridge, in consequence of the enormous weight
+of the fugitives. In his bulletin, Richard insultingly alluded to the
+quantity of the river the French king had been compelled to drink, and
+hinted, that as he was full of water it was quite fair to make a butt of
+him.
+</p>
+<p>
+This was Cour de Lion's "positively last appearance" in any combat. A
+truce was concluded, and Richard quitted Normandy for the Limousin, where
+it was said in one of the popular ballads of the day, that the point of
+the arrow was being forged for the death of the tyrant. Many dispute the
+point, and believe the story to be forged; but certain it is, that Henry,
+the father of Richard, had frequently been shot at by an arrow, and had
+had, according to a lame pun of the period, many a-n-arrow escape from the
+hands of his secret enemies. According to the usual version of Cour de
+Lion's death, it seems that he went with an armed force to demand of
+Vidomar, Viscount of Limoges, a treasure, said to have been found in the
+domains of the latter. The viscount claimed halves, which Richard refused,
+and with a loud cry of "All or none," threatened to hang every man of the
+garrison. The king was surveying the walls to ascertain an eligible place
+for the assault, and had just raised his eyes, exclaiming&mdash;"Here's a
+weak point," when the point of an arrow came whizzing along and stuck in
+his left shoulder. Richard making some passing allusion to this novel mode
+of shouldering arms, took little notice of the wound, but went on with the
+assault, and soon seized the Castle.
+</p>
+<p>
+The business of the the day being concluded, he sent for a surgeon, who
+took out the point of the arrow somewhat clumsily, causing Richard to
+remark, in allusion to the bungling manner in which the operation had been
+performed, that it could not be called a very elegant "extract." The
+wound, though slight, became worse from ill-treatment; and the king,
+feeling that there were no hopes of his recovery, would only reply to the
+encouraging remarks of his attendants by pointing mournfully yet
+significantly over his left shoulder.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0051" id="linkimage-0051"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/129m.jpg" alt="129m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/129.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+It is said that he sent for Bertrand de Gourdon, the youth that inflicted
+the wound, and let him off for letting off the bow; but it is impossible
+to say what truth there is in this anecdote. The MS. chronicle of
+Winchester says that Richard's sister Joan expressed a truly female wish
+to have the prisoner given to her, that she might "tear his eyes out," and
+that she literally put in force this threat which so many women are heard
+to make, but which not one of the sex was ever known to execute.
+</p>
+<p>
+Richard died on Tuesday, the 6th of April, 1199, after a reign of ten
+years, not one of which had been passed in England, for he had led the
+life of a royal vagabond. He died at forty-two, and it is a remarkable
+fact, says one of the chroniclers&mdash;whom for the sake of his
+reputation we will not name&mdash;that, though Richard lived to be
+forty-two, forti-tude was the only virtue he had ever exhibited. He loved
+the name of Lion Heart, and he certainly deserved a title that indicated
+his possession of brutish qualities. The British lion might, in justice to
+his own character, repudiate all connection with this contemptible Cour de
+Lion, who had at least as much cruelty as courage, and who had murdered
+many more in cold blood when prisoners than he had ever killed on the
+field of battle. His slaughter of the three thousand Saracen captives must
+be regarded as a proof, that, whatever of the lion he might have, had in
+his disposition, he had not much of the heart. This, however, such as it
+was, he never gave to England in his lifetime, and he left it to Rouen at
+his death, being certainly the very smallest and most valueless legacy he
+could possibly have bequeathed.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0052" id="linkimage-0052"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/130m.jpg" alt="130m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/130.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0014" id="link2HCH0014"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE SEVENTH. JOHN, SURNAMED SANSTERRE, OR LACKLAND.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0053" id="linkimage-0053"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/131m.jpg" alt="131m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/131.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+OHN, who was in Normandy when Richard died, made every effort to secure
+that gang of humbugs, the mercenaries, by sending over to offer them an
+increase of salary, with the view of preventing them from taking
+engagements in the cause of his nephew, Arthur, the child of his elder
+brother, Geoffrey. Hubert Walter, the Archbishop of Canterbury, was
+despatched to England, to obtain the services of the barons by the usual
+means; and John himself repaired to Chinon, to ransack the castle where
+Richard had kept his treasures. Having chastised a few citizens for
+supporting Arthur, he repaired to Rouen, where on Sunday, the 25th of
+April, 1199, he was bedizened with the sword and coronal of the duchy. The
+English were not much disposed to favour the claims of John, but
+Archbishop Hubert purchased a few oaths of allegiance from the barons and
+prelates, who for the usual consideration were always ready to swear
+fealty to anyone.
+</p>
+<p>
+John landed at Shoreham on the 25th of May, and on the 27th he knocked at
+the church door of St. Peter's, Westminster, to claim the crown. He seems
+to have encountered a tolerably numerous congregation, whom he endeavoured
+to convince by pulling out of his pocket an alleged will made in his
+favour by his brother Richard, and some other documents, which, backed by
+a speech from Archbishop Hubert, set everybody shouting "Long live the
+king!"
+</p>
+<p>
+Poor little Arthur was completely overlooked in this arrangement, for he
+had scarcely anyone to take his part but a noisy scolding mother, who bore
+the name of Constance, probably on account of her shameful inconstancy.
+She had married a third husband while her second was still living; and it
+is even said that she contemplated adding trigamy to bigamy, for which
+purpose she sent her son to be out of the way at Paris, with Philip, the
+French king. The poor child had his interests fearfully sacrificed on all
+sides, for a treaty was agreed upon between John and Philip, according to
+which there would be nothing at all left for the unfortunate boy when the
+two sovereigns had helped themselves to their respective shares of the
+booty.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the summer of the year 1200, John made a royal progress into France
+where he evinced a familiar and festive humour, which made him a favourite
+with a few of the "jolly dogs," but did not win the respect of the more
+sober classes of the community. He did not at all improve upon
+acquaintance; and he completed his unpopularity by running away with
+Isabella, the wife of the Count of La Marche, whom he married and brought
+to England, in spite of his having already a wife at home, and the lady's
+having also a husband abroad. A second coronation was performed in honour
+of his second marriage; but he seems to have soon got tired of his new
+match, for he marched into Aquitaine without his wife, under the pretence
+that he had business to attend to, but he really did no business at all.
+Little did he anticipate when he started <i>en gar�on</i> on his tour,
+that the historian nearly seven centuries afterwards would be recording
+the manner in which he passed his time, and proving the hollowness of the
+excuse for leaving his wife behind him when he took his trip to Aquitaine.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0054" id="linkimage-0054"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/133m.jpg" alt="133m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/133.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Young Arthur, who was but fifteen years of age, was advised by Philip
+(a.d. 1202) to try his hand in a military expedition. "You know your
+rights," said Philip to the youth, "and would you not be a king?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Oh! wouldn't I, just?" was the boy-like reply, and the French king
+counting off two hundred knights, as if they were so many bundles of wood,
+handed them over to the prince, telling him to go and make an attack upon
+some of the provinces. Arthur was recommended to march against Mirabeau,
+the residence of his grandmother, Eleanor, a violent old lady who had
+always been unfavourable to his claims. Arthur took the town, but not his
+grandmother, who, on hearing of the lad's intentions, exclaimed, "Hoity
+toity! would the urchin teach his grandmother to suck eggs, I wonder?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"No, but I would teach my grandmother to sue cumb," was the dignified
+reply of the prince, when the message of his venerable relative was
+brought to him. The sturdy old female, who was rather corpulent, made,
+literally, a stout resistance, having thrown herself into a strong tower,
+which set rather tight upon her, like a corsage, and in this position she
+for some time defied the assaults of the enemy. Encased in this
+substantial breastwork, she awaited the threatened lacing at the hands of
+her grandson, when John came to her rescue. In the night between the 31st
+of July and the 1st of August, he took the town, dragged Arthur out of his
+bed, as well as some two hundred nobles who were "hanging out" at the
+different lodgings in the city. After cruelly beating them, he literally
+loaded them with irons, giving them cuffs first, and hand-cuffs
+immediately afterwards. Twenty-two noblemen were thrown into the damp
+dungeons of Corfe Castle, where they caught severe colds, of which they
+soon died, and they were buried under the walls of Corfe without coffins.
+* Young Arthur's tragical end has been the subject of various conjectures.
+Several historians have tried their hands at an interesting version of the
+young prince's death, but Shakspeare has given the most effective, and not
+the least probable, account of the fate of Arthur. The monks of Margan
+believe that John, in a fit of intoxication, slew his nephew; but we have
+no proof that Lackland was often in that disgraceful state, which in these
+days would have rendered him liable to the loss of a crown&mdash;in the
+shape of the five-shilling fine for drunkenness.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Matthew Paris. It is to be regretted that the statement of
+a fact sometimes involves the necessity for a pun, as in the
+present instance. The faithful historian has, however, on
+such an occasion, no alternative. Fidelity must not be
+sacrificed even to a desire for solemnity.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Ralph, the abbot of Coggeshall, who agrees with Shakspeare in many
+particulars, says that Arthur had been removed to Rouen, where his uncle
+called for him on the night of the 3rd of April, 1203, in a boat, to take
+a row on the river. It being time for all good little children to be in
+bed and asleep, Arthur was both at the moment of the avuncular visit.
+Boy-like, he made no objection to the absurd and ill-timed excursion, for
+it is a curious fact, that infants are always ready to get up at the most
+unseasonable hours, if anything in the shape of pleasure is proposed to
+them. Arthur was soon in the boat for a row up the Seine with his uncle
+John and Peter de Maulac, Esquire, one of the unprincipled "men about
+town" at that disreputable period.
+</p>
+<p>
+They had not proceeded far when either John or Mr. de Maulao seized the
+boy, as if he were so much superfluous ballast, and cruelly pitched him
+overboard. Some say that the squire was the sole executioner, while others
+hint that he turned squeamish at the last moment, and left the disgraceful
+business to John; but they doubtless shared the guilt, as they were both
+rowing in the same boat, and were in point of private character "much of a
+muchness." Shak-speare, as everybody knows, makes the young prince meet
+his death more than half-way by leaping on to the stones below his prison
+window, with a hope that they might prove softer than the heart of his
+uncle. It is not improbable that a child so young may have been foolish
+enough to jump to such a conclusion.
+</p>
+<p>
+The rumour of the murder naturally occasioned the greatest excitement; and
+if we are to believe the immortal bard, five moons came mooning out upon
+the occasion, which may account for the moonstruck condition of the
+populace.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Britons, amongst whom Arthur had been educated, were furious at the
+murder of their youthful prince, whose eldest sister, Eleanor, was in the
+hands of her uncle John. This lady was called by some, the Pearl of
+Brittany; but if she was really a gem, she must have been an antique, for
+she spent forty years of her life in captivity. The Britons, therefore,
+rallied round a younger heroine, her half-sister, Alice, and appointed her
+father, Guy de Thouars, the regent and general of their confederacy. De
+Thouars was a Guy only in name, for he was extremely handsome, and had
+attracted the attention of the lady Constance, whose third and last
+husband he had become. Guy went as the head of a deputation to the French
+king, who summoned John to a trial; but that individual instead of
+attending the summons, allowed judgment to go by default, and was
+sentenced to a forfeiture of his dominions.
+</p>
+<p>
+John for some time treated the steps taken against him with contempt, and
+remained at Rouen, until he thought it advisable to go over to England, to
+prepare for his defence by collecting money, for it was always by sucking
+dry the public purse, that tyrants in those days were accustomed to look
+for succour.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was by his efforts to extract cash from his people that he excited
+among his nobles the discontent which has rendered the discontented barons
+of his reign, <i>par excellence, the</i> discontented barons of English
+history. He continued to mulct them every day, and his reign was a long
+game of forfeits, in which the barons were always the sufferers. Still
+they refused to quit the country for the defence of their tyrant's foreign
+possessions.
+</p>
+<p>
+By dint of threats and bribery he at last contrived (a.d. 1206) to land an
+army at Rochelle, and a contest was about to commence, when John proposed
+a parley. Without waiting for the answer, he ran away, leaving a notice on
+the door of his tent, stating that he had gone to England, and would
+return immediately, which, in accordance with the modern
+"chamber-practice," was equivalent to an announcement that he had no
+intention of coming back again.
+</p>
+<p>
+John, who could agree with nobody, now began to quarrel with the pope by
+starting a candidate for the see of Canterbury, in opposition to Stephen
+Langton, the nominee of old Innocent. His holiness desired three English
+bishops to go and remonstrate with the king, who flew into a violent
+passion, and used the coarsest language, winding up with a threat to "cut
+off their noses," which caused the venerable deputation to "cut off"
+themselves with prompt King John threatens to cut off the Noses of the
+Bishops.
+</p>
+<p>
+The bishops, however, soon recovered from the effects of their
+ill-treatment, and determined by the aid of the people to punish with
+papal bulls the royal bully.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0055" id="linkimage-0055"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/135m.jpg" alt="135m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/135.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+On Monday, the 23rd of March, 1208, they pronounced an interdict against
+all John's dominions; but, like children setting fire to a train of
+gunpowder and running away, the bishops quitted the kingdom, as if afraid
+of the result of their own boldness. This was soon followed by a bull of
+excommunication against John, but the wary tyrant, by watching the ports,
+prevented the entrance of this bull, which would have made it a mere toss
+up whether he could keep possession of his throne.
+</p>
+<p>
+John employed the year 1210 in raising money, by stealing it wherever he
+could lay his hands upon it; for, says the chronicler, "as long as there
+was a sum he could bone, he thought it the <i>summum bonum</i> to get hold
+of it." With the cash he had collected he repaired to Ireland, and at
+Dublin was joined by twenty robust chieftains, who might have been called
+the Dublin stout of the thirteenth century. Returning to England in three
+months with an empty pocket, he became alarmed at hearing of a conspiracy
+among his barons. He shut himself up for fifteen days in the castle of
+Nottingham, seeing no one but the servants, and not permitting the door to
+be opened even to take in the milk, lest the cream of the British nobility
+should flow in with it.
+</p>
+<p>
+At length, in the year 1213, Innocent hurled his last thunderbolt at
+John's head, with the intention of knocking off his crown. The pope
+pronounced the deposition of the English king, and declared the throne
+open to competition, with a hint to Philip of France that he might find it
+an eligible investment. He prepared a fleet of seventeen hundred vessels
+at Boulogne, but some of the vessels must have been little bigger than
+butter-boats if seventeen hundred of them were crammed into this
+insignificant harbour. John, by a desperate effort, got together sixty
+thousand men, but they were by no means staunch, and he was as much afraid
+of his own troops as of those belonging to the enemy. Pandulph, the pope's
+legate, knowing his character, came to Dover, and frightened him by
+fearful pictures of the enemy's strength, while Peter the Hermit, * who
+was rather more plague than prophet, bored the tyrant with predictions of
+his death. John, who was exceedingly superstitious, was so worked upon by
+his fears that he agreed to Pandulph's terms, and on the 15th of May,
+1213, he signed a sort of cognovit, acknowledging himself the vassal of
+the pope, and agreeing to pay a thousand marks a year, in token of which
+he set his own mark at the end of the document.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Some writers have called Peter the Hermit a hare-brained
+recluse As his head was closely shaved the epithet "hair-
+brained" seems to have been sadly misapplied.
+</pre>
+<p>
+He next offered Pandulph something for his trouble, but the legate raising
+his leg, trampled the money under his foot. The next day was that on which
+Peter the Hermit had prophesied that John would die, and the tyrant
+remained from morning till night watching the clock with intense anxiety.
+Finding himself alive at bedtime, he grew furious against Peter for having
+caused him so much needless alarm, and the Hermit was hanged for the want
+of foresight he had exhibited. He died, exclaiming that the king should
+have been grateful that the prediction had not been fulfilled; "but,"
+added he, as he placed his head through the fatal noose, "some folks are
+never satisfied." The French king was exceedingly disgusted at the shabby
+treatment he had received; but Philip expended his rage in a few
+philippics against Pandulph, who merely expressed his regret, and added
+peremptorily, that England being now under the dominion of the pope, must
+henceforth be let alone. Philip alluded to the money he was out of pocket,
+but the nuncio politely observing that he was not happy at questions of
+account, withdrew while repeating his prohibition.
+</p>
+<p>
+John, who had so lately eaten humble pie, soon began to regard his
+promises as the pie-crust, which he commenced breaking very rapidly.
+Wishing, however, to carry the war into France, he required the services
+of his barons, who were very reluctant to aid him, and he had got as far
+as Jersey, when happening to look behind him, he perceived that he had
+scarcely any followers. He had started with a tolerable number, but they
+turned back sulkily by degrees, without his being aware of it until he
+arrived at Jersey, when he was preparing to turn himself round, and
+perceived that his <i>suite</i> had dwindled down to a few mercenaries,
+who hung on to his skirts merely for the sake of what he had got in his
+pockets. Becoming exceedingly angry, he wheeled suddenly back, and vented
+his spite in burning and ravaging everything that crossed his path. He was
+in a flaming passion, for he set fire to all the buildings on the road
+till he reached Northampton, where Langton overtook him, and taxed him
+with the violation of his oath. "Mind your own business," roared the king,
+"and leave me to manage mine;" but Langton would not take an answer of
+that kind, and stuck to him all the way to Nottingham, where the prelate,
+according to his own quaint phraseology, "went at him again" with more
+success than formerly. John issued summonses to the barons, and Langton
+hastened to see them in London, where he drew up a strong affidavit by
+which they all swore to be true to each other, and to their liberties.
+</p>
+<p>
+John was still apprehensive of the hostility of the pope, which might have
+been fatal at this juncture, had not Cardinal Nicholas arrived in the nick
+of time, namely, on the 12th of September, 1213, to take off the
+interdict. The court of Rome thus executed a sort of <i>chassez-croisez</i>,
+by going over to the side of John, but Langton did not desert his old
+partner, liberty. In the following year the English king was defeated at
+the battle of Bouvines, one of the most tremendous affrays recorded in
+history. Salisbury, surnamed Longsword, was captured by that early
+specimen of the church militant, the Bishop of Beauvais, who, because it
+was contrary to the canons of the Church for him to shed blood, fought
+with a ponderous club, by which he knocked the enemy on the head, and
+acquired the name of the stunning bishop. He banged about him in such
+style, that he might have been eligible for the see of Bangor, had his
+ambition pointed in that direction. John obtained a truce; but the
+discontented barons had already placed a rod in pickle for him, and on the
+20th day of November, they held a crowded meeting at St. Edmund's Bury,
+which was adjourned until Christmas. At that festive season, John found
+himself eating his roast beef entirely alone, for nobody called to wish
+him joy, or partake his pudding.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0056" id="linkimage-0056"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/138m.jpg" alt="138m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/138.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+After dining by himself, at Worcester, he started for London, making sure
+of a little-gaiety at boxing-time, in the great metropolis.
+</p>
+<p>
+Nobody, however, took the slightest notice of him until one day the whole
+of the barons came to him in a body, to pay him a morning visit. Surprised
+at the largeness of the party, he was somewhat cool, but on hearing that
+they had come for liberty, he declared that he would not allow any liberty
+to be taken while he continued king of England. The party remained firm
+with one or two exceptions, when John began to shiver as if attacked with
+ague, and he went on blowing hot and cold as long as he could, until
+pressed by the barons for an answer to their petition. He then replied
+evasively, "Why&mdash;yes&mdash;no; let me see&mdash;ha! exactly&mdash;stop!
+Well, I don't know, perhaps so&mdash;'pon honour;" and ultimately obtained
+time until Easter, to consider the proposals that were made to him. The
+confederated barons had no sooner got outside the street-door than John
+began to think over the means of circumventing them. As they separated on
+the threshold, to go to their respective homes, it was evident from the
+gestures and countenances of the group that there had been a difference of
+opinion as to the policy of granting John the time he had requested. A
+bishop and two barons, who had turned recreants at the interview, and
+receded from their claims, were of course severely bullied by the rest of
+the confederates, on quitting the royal presence. At length the day
+arrived, in Easter week, when the barons were to go for an answer to the
+little Bill&mdash;of Rights&mdash;which they had left with John at the
+preceding Christmas. They met at Stamford, where they got up a grand
+military spectacle, including two thousand knights and an enormous troop
+of auxiliaries. The king, who was at Oxford, sent off Cardinal Langton,
+with the Earls of Pembroke and Warrenne, as a deputation, who soon
+returned with a schedule of terrific length, containing a catalogue of
+grievances, which the barons declared they would have remedied.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0057" id="linkimage-0057"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figright" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/139m.jpg" alt="139m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/139.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+John flew into one of his usual passions, tearing his long hair, and
+rapidly pacing his chamber with the skirt of his robe thrown over his left
+arm, while, with his right hand, he shook his fist at vacancy. The
+deputation could merely observe calmly, "We have done our part of the
+business: that is what the barons want;" and a roll of parchment was
+instantly allowed to run out to its full length at the foot of the enraged
+sovereign. John took up the document and pretended to inspect it with much
+minuteness, muttering to himself, "No, I don't see it down," upon which
+Langton asked the sovereign what he was looking for. "I was searching,"
+sarcastically roared the tyrant, "for the crown, which I fully expected to
+find scheduled as one of the items I am called upon to surrender." This
+led to some desultory conversation, in the course of which the king made
+some evasive offers, which the barons would not accept, and the latter,
+appointing Robert Fitz-Walter as their general, at once commenced
+hostilities.
+</p>
+<p>
+They first marched upon the castle of Northampton, but when they got under
+the walls they discovered that they had got no battering-rams, and after
+sitting looking at the castle for fifteen days, they marched off again. At
+Bedford, where they went next, the same farce might have been enacted, had
+not the inhabitants opened the gates for them. Here they received an
+invitation from London, and stopping to rest for the night at Ware&mdash;on
+account, perhaps, of the accommodation afforded by the Great Bed&mdash;they
+arrived on Sunday, the 24th of May, 1215, in the City. Here they were
+joined by the whole nobility of England, while John was abandoned by all
+but seven knights, who remained near his person, the seven knights forming
+a weak protection, to the sovereign. His heart at first failed him, but he
+was a capital actor, and soon assumed a sort of easy cheerfulness. He
+presented his compliments to the barons, and assured them he should be
+most happy to meet them, if they would appoint a time and place for an
+interview. The barons instantly fixed the 19th of June at Runny-Mead, when
+John intimated that he should have much pleasure in accepting the polite
+invitation.
+</p>
+<p>
+At length the eventful morning arrived, when John cantered quietly down
+from Windsor Castle, attended by eight bishops and a party of about twenty
+gentlemen. These, however, were not his friends, but had been lent by the
+other side, "for the look of the thing," lest the king should seem to be
+wholly without attendants. The barons, who had been stopping at Staines,
+were of course punctual, and had got the pen and ink all laid out upon the
+table, with a Windsor chair brought expressly from the town of Windsor for
+John to sit down upon. It had been expected that he would have raised some
+futile objections to sign; but the crafty sovereign, knowing it was a <i>sine
+qua non</i>, made but one plunge into the inkstand, and affixed his
+autograph. It is said that he dropped a dip of ink accidentally on the
+parchment, and that he mentally ejaculated "Ha! this affair will be a blot
+upon my name for ever." The facility with which the king attached his
+signature to Magna Charta&mdash;the great charter of England's liberties&mdash;naturally
+excited suspicion; for it is a remark founded on a long acquaintance with
+human nature, that the man who never means to take up a bill is always
+foremost in accepting one. Had John contemplated adhering to the
+provisions of the document he would have probably discussed the various
+clauses, but a swindler seldom disputes the items of an account, when he
+has not the remotest intention of paying it.
+</p>
+<p>
+Though Magna Charta has been practically superseded by subsequent
+statutes, it must always be venerated as one of the great foundations of
+our liberties. It established the "beautiful principle" that taxation
+shall only take place by the consent of those taxed&mdash;a principle the
+beauty of which has been its chief advantage, for it has proved less an
+article for use than for ornament. The agreeable figure that everyone who
+pays a tax does so with his own full concurrence, and simply because he
+likes it, is a pleasing delusion, which all have not the happiness to
+labour under. It was also provided that "the king should sell, delay, or
+deny justice to none," a condition that can scarcely be considered
+fulfilled when we look at some of the bills of costs that generally follow
+a long suit in that game of chance which has obtained the singularly
+appropriate title of Chancery. It may be perhaps argued, that the article
+delayed and sold is law, whereas Magna Charta alludes only to Justice.
+This, we must admit, establishes a distinction&mdash;<i>not</i> without a
+difference.
+</p>
+<p>
+Though John had kept his temper tolerably well at the meeting with the
+barons, he had no sooner got back to Windsor Castle, than he called a few
+foreign adventurers around him, and indulged in a good hearty swearing fit
+against the charter. He grew so frantic, according to the chroniclers,
+that he "gnashed his teeth, rolled his eyes, and gnawed sticks and
+straws," though he could scarcely have done all this without sending for
+the umbrella-stand, and having a good bite at its contents, or ordering in
+a few wisps from the stable.
+</p>
+<p>
+That John was exceedingly mad with the barons for what they had made him
+do, is perfectly true, but we do not go the length of those who look upon
+a truss of straw as essential to a person labouring under mental
+aberration.
+</p>
+<p>
+John now went to reside in the Isle of Wight, and tried to captivate the
+fishermen by adopting their manners. There is nothing very captivating in
+the manners of the fishermen of the Isle of Wight at the present day,
+whatever may have been the case formerly; but it is probable that the king
+became popular by a sort of hail-fellow-well-met-ishness, to which his
+dreadful habit of swearing no doubt greatly contributed. Having imported a
+lot of mercenaries from the Continent, he posted off to Dover to land the
+disgraceful cargo, and with them he marched against Rochester Castle,
+which had been seized by William D'Albiney. The larder was wretchedly low
+when D'Albiney first took possession, and the garrison was soon reduced to
+its last mouthful of provisions. This consisted of a piece of rind of
+cheese, which everybody had refused in daintier days, when provisions were
+plentiful. D'Albiney bolted the morsel and unbolted the gate nearly at the
+same moment, when John, rushing in, butchered all the supernumeraries and
+sent the principal characters to Corfe Castle.
+</p>
+<p>
+John, who always grew bold when there was no opposition, committed all
+sorts of atrocities upon places without defence, and the barons shut up in
+Lincoln, held numerous meetings, which terminated in a resolution to offer
+the crown to Louis, the son of Philip of France, provided the young
+gentleman and his papa would come over and fight for it. Louis left Calais
+with six hundred and eighty vessels, but he had a terribly bad passage
+across to Sandwich, where the "flats," as usual, permitted the landing of
+an enemy. John, who had run round to Dover with a numerous army, fled
+before the French landed, and committed arson on an extensive scale all
+over the country. Every night was a "night wi' Burns," and the royal
+incendiary seems to have put himself under the especial protection of
+Blaise, as the only saint with whom the tyrant felt the smallest sympathy.
+John ultimately put up at Bristol, and the neighbourhood of Bath seems to
+have quenched for a time his flaming impetuosity.
+</p>
+<p>
+Louis having besieged Rochester Castle, which seems in those days to have
+been very like a copy of the <i>Times</i> newspaper, which some one was
+always anxious to take directly it was out of hand, marched on to London.
+He arrived there on the 2nd of June, 1216, where he was received with that
+enthusiasm which the hospitable cockneys have ever been ready to bestow on
+foreigners of distinction. Nearly all the few followers that had hitherto
+adhered to John now abandoned him, and he was left almost alone with
+Gualo, the pope's legate, who did all he could to revive the drooping
+spirits of the tyrant. Vainly however did Gualo slap the sovereign on the
+back, inviting him to "cheer up," and ply him with cider, his favourite
+beverage. "Come! drown it in the bowl," was the constant cry of Gualo.
+"Talk not of bowls," was the reply of John; "what is life but a game at
+bowls, in which the king is too frequently knocked over?"
+</p>
+<p>
+Louis, in the meantime, growing arrogant with success, commenced
+insulting, the English and granting their property to his foreign
+followers. The barons began to think they had made a false step with
+reference to their own country by allowing the French prince to put his
+foot in it. This for a moment brightened the prospects of John, who
+started off and went blazing away as far as Lynn, where he had got a <i>d�p�t</i>
+of provisions, and of course a change of linen. Hence he made for
+Wisbeach, and put up at a place called the "Cross Keys," intending to
+cross the Wash, which is a very passable place at low water.
+</p>
+<p>
+John was nearly across when he heard the tide beginning to roar with
+fearful fury. Knowing that tide and time wait for no man, he felt he was
+tied to time, and hurried to the opposite shore with tremendous rapidity.
+He succeeded in reaching land; but his horses, with his plate, linen, and
+money were not so fortunate, for he had the mortification of seeing all
+his clothes lost in the Wash, and the utter sinking of the whole of his
+capital.
+</p>
+<p>
+Venting his sorrow in cursory remarks and discursive curses, he went on to
+Swineshead Abbey, where he passed the night in eating peaches and pears,
+and drinking new cider. * The cider of course added to the fermentation
+that was going on in his fevered frame; and even without the peaches and
+pears, the efforts of his physicians might have proved fruitless. He went
+to bed, but could not sleep, for his conscience continued to impeach him
+in a series of frightful dreams, to which the peaches no doubt
+contributed. He nevertheless made an effort to get up the next morning,
+and mounted his horse on the 15th of October; but he was too ill to keep
+his seat, and his attendants, putting him into a horse-box, got him as far
+as Sleaford. Here he passed another shocking night, but the next day they
+again moved him into the horse-box, and dragged him to Newark, where he
+requested that a confessor might be sent for. The abbot of Crocton, who
+was a doctor as well as a divine, immediately attended, and this leech was
+employed in drawing a confession from the lips of the tyrant. He named his
+eldest son, Henry, his successor, and dictated a begging-letter to the new
+pope, imploring protection for his small and helpless children. He died on
+the 18th of October, 1216, in the forty-ninth year of his age, and the
+seventeenth of one of the most uncomfortable reigns recorded in English
+history. From first to last he seems to have been cut by his subjects, for
+we find him eating his Christmas dinner alone in the very middle of his
+sovereignty, and dragged about the country in a horse-box within a day of
+his death, when such active treatment could not have been beneficial to
+the royal patient in an advanced stage of fever.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Matthew Parin, point of accommodation than the humblest
+gentleman. His case reminds us of an individual, who,
+finding himself in a sedan with neither top nor bottom to
+it, came to the conclusion that he might as well have walked
+but for "the look of the thing." So it may be said of John,
+that deprived of all the substantial advantages of a throne,
+he might but "for the name of the thing" have just as well
+been a private individual.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The character of John has been so fully developed in the account of his
+reign that it is quite unnecessary to sum him up on the present occasion.
+If he harassed the barons, they certainly succeeded in returning the
+compliment; for he seems to have had a most unpleasant time of it. He had
+the title of king, but was often worse off.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0058" id="linkimage-0058"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/145m.jpg" alt="145m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/145.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2H_4_0019" id="link2H_4_0019"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+BOOK III. THE PERIOD FROM THE ACCESSION OF HENRY THE THIRD, TO THE END OF
+THE REIGN OF RICHARD THE SECOND. A.D. 1216&mdash;1399.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0015" id="link2HCH0015"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE FIRST. HENRY THE THIRD, SURNAMED OF WINCHESTER.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0059" id="linkimage-0059"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/146m.jpg" alt="146m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/146.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+ENRY, the eldest son of John, was a child under ten years of age at the
+time of his father's death, but his brother-in-law, the Earl of Pembroke,
+brought him to Gloucester and got him crowned by Gualo, who had always
+acted as a friend of the family. The coronation, which took place on the
+28th of October, 1216, was very indifferently got up, for the crown had
+not come from the Wash, where it had been lying in soak ever since John's
+unfortunate expedition across the water from Wisbeach. Gualo therefore
+took a ring from his finger, and put it on the young king's head, as a
+substitute for the missing diadem. The coronation party consisted of three
+earls, three bishops, and four barons, with a sprinkling of abbots and
+priors, comprising altogether a retinue of about thirty individuals.
+</p>
+<p>
+The clergy of Westminster and Canterbury complained bitterly of the
+ceremony having been "scamped," by which their rights had been invaded,
+or, in other words, by which they had been done out of their perquisites.
+The first coronation was therefore treated as a mere rehearsal, and a more
+regular performance afterwards took place, with new machinery, dresses,
+decorations, and all the usual properties.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 11th of the following November, Pembroke was appointed <i>rector
+Regis et Regni</i>&mdash;ruler of the king and kingdom&mdash;so that Henry
+the Third was sovereign <i>de jure</i> with a <i>de facto</i> viceroy over
+him. This arrangement was made at a great council held at Bristol, where
+Magna Charta was revised with a view to the publication of a new and
+improved edition.
+</p>
+<p>
+Louis, on hearing of John's death, puffed himself up with a certainty of
+success, but he only realised the old fable of the French frog and the
+British bull; for, becoming inflated with pride, he was not long in
+bursting like an empty bubble.
+</p>
+<p>
+As Christmas, 1216, was close at hand, a truce was arranged, to enable
+each party to enjoy the holidays. Louis took advantage of the vacation to
+go to Paris to consult his father Philip, who, like a modern French king
+of the same name, was remarkable for his tact in doing the best for his
+own family. On his return to England, Louis encountered some hostility
+from the hardy mariners of the Cinque Ports&mdash;the Deal and Dover
+boatmen of that day&mdash;but reaching Sandwich, he got over the flats
+with the usual facility. He however spitefully burned the town to the
+ground, merely because it was one of the Cinque Ports, which had turned
+crusty at his approach, though it was hardly fair of him to mull the only
+port that did not prove too strong for him. Hostilities were continued on
+both sides with varying success, until the Count de la Perche, a French
+general, flushed with a recent triumph at Mount Sorel, in Leicester,
+determined to attack the Castle of Lincoln. He would probably have
+succeeded, but for the resistance of a woman, the widow of the late keeper
+of the castle, who, with the obstinacy of her sex, refused to surrender.
+The Count de la Perche, ashamed of being beaten by one of the gentler sex,
+continued the attack, and refusing to quit the town, found himself
+involved in a series of street rows of the most alarming character.
+</p>
+<p>
+Pembroke having collected a large force, sent part of it into the castle
+by the back garden gate, and the other part into the town, so that poor de
+la Perche found it impossible to move either one way or the other. The
+English literally gave it him right and left till he died; and after
+falling upon the almost defenceless French, they gave the name of "the
+fair of Lincoln" to a battle about as unfair as any recorded in the pages
+of history.
+</p>
+<p>
+This event, which came off on the 20th of May, 1217, was followed in June
+by a conference which, like Panton Square, led to nothing. Louis made one
+more attempt upon Dover, but he had no means to carry on the war, and he
+was obliged to raise the siege, as he could not raise the money. He
+hastened to London, which he had no sooner entered than the English shut
+the gates and locked him in; while the pope sent a tremendous bull down
+upon him, to add to his annoyances. Louis began to feel that he had had
+quite enough of it, and being anxious for a little peace, he proposed one
+to Pembroke. The terms were soon agreed upon, but Louis was detained in
+town some little time for want of the money to pay his debts and his
+journey home again. The citizens of London forming themselves into a loan
+society, advanced a few pounds to the French prince, who deserves some
+credit for not having taken French leave of his creditors. By the terms of
+the treaty he surrendered all his claims upon the English crown, which
+seems to have been rather a superfluous sacrifice, as he had been trying
+it on for some time, and found that the cap never fitted.
+</p>
+<p>
+As Louis went out of London at the East End, to embark for France, Henry,
+who had been at Kingston, came in at Hyde Park Corner. Pembroke, the
+regent, made him exceedingly popular by advising him to confirm Magna
+Charta, and to add a clause or two for the purpose of freshening it up, so
+that the new edition might repay perusal. Unfortunately for the prospects
+of the kingdom, Pembroke died, in May, 1219, and was buried in the Temple
+Church, where his tomb is still to be seen by anyone who can obtain a
+bencher's order. The regent's authority was now divided between Hubert de
+Burgh and Peter&mdash;or, as Rapin christens him&mdash;William des Roches,
+the Bishop of Winchester. These two individuals, though jealous of each
+other, agreed in the propriety of another coronation, probably on account
+of the patronage it gave to those who happened to be in power; and as the
+couple in question had just taken office, they were anxious to realise
+some of the profits at the earliest opportunity. In the quarrels between
+these two worthies, Des Roches was getting rather the upper hand, when
+Hubert de Burgh, in 1223, got the pope to declare that the king, who was
+only sixteen years of age, had attained his majority. Thus, like the dog
+in the manger, Hubert determined that no one else should enjoy a position
+which he himself was unable to profit by. This was an "artful dodge" of
+the cunning Hubert, to get the game into his own hands, for Henry on being
+pronounced "of age," having received a surrender of various castles and
+fortified places from the barons, gave back those which he had no occasion
+for to the wily minister. The barons, finding themselves bamboozled,
+became exceedingly angry with the king and Hubert, but the latter went on,
+alternately hanging and excommunicating, until he had settled the
+obstreperous and quelled the turbulent.
+</p>
+<p>
+The year 1225 must ever be remarkable for the refusal of Parliament&mdash;a
+name that was then coming into use&mdash;to grant supplies without asking
+any questions. This had formerly been the usual practice, but when Hubert
+coolly proposed a grant of a fifteenth of all the movable property in the
+kingdom for the use of the king, the Parliament said it was all very well,
+but if the money was given there ought to be something to show for it.
+Henry accordingly gave another ratification of Magna Charta, which was a
+good deal like the old superfluous process of putting butter upon bacon,
+for he had already twice ratified that important document. In those days,
+however, there was no objection to giving the lily an extra coat of paint,
+or treating the refined gold to an additional layer of gilding.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the year 1228, Henry had collected an army at Portsmouth to sail for
+France, but Hubert de Burgh, who seems to have held the place of First
+Lord of the Admiralty as well as his other offices, had not provided a
+sufficient number of vessels. When the troops were about to embark it was
+found impossible to stow them away even with the closest packing. Henry
+flew into a violent passion with Hubert, accusing him of pocketing the
+money he ought to have laid Goode out in ships, and the king had drawn his
+sword, intending to run the minister through, when the Earl of Chester ran
+between them, exclaiming "Hold!" with intense significance.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0060" id="linkimage-0060"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/149m.jpg" alt="149m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/149.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+This fine dramatic situation told exceedingly well; for Hubert de Burgh
+got off, though the king did not, and the expedition was postponed until
+the year following. He passed over into Normandy, a.d. 1229, but he
+preferred feasting to fighting, and the only advance he made was by
+continually running away, which kept him constantly ahead of the enemy.
+He, however, threw all the blame of the failure on Hubert, whose shoulders
+must have been tolerably broad to have borne all that his master chose to
+cast on to them.
+</p>
+<p>
+The king returned to England very much out of pocket and completely out of
+spirits. He applied to his old paymaster, the Parliament, but his conduct
+had excited so much disgust, that instead of money, or as it was then
+called, blunt, he got a blunt refusal. His majesty, whose tone had
+hitherto been that of command, now assumed the humble air of the
+mendicant, and he adopted the degraded clap-trap of his being "a real case
+of distress," in order to obtain a subsidy. He declared his inability to
+pay his way, but as his way was never to pay at all, this argument availed
+him very little. He was, however, getting rapidly shorter and shorter
+every day, when fearing that he would perhaps compromise the dignity of
+the crown by pawning it, or sell the regalia for the purpose of regaling
+himself, the Parliament agreed to let him have a trifle for current
+expenses. This consisted of three marks for every fief held immediately of
+the crown, * which was little enough to give him an excuse for not paying
+his debts, and yet sufficient to allow him to rush into fresh
+extravagances. In the year 1232, Henry, having of course spent every
+shilling of his small supply, renewed his application to Parliament,
+alleging that he was desirous of discharging the liabilities incurred in
+his expedition to France, but the barons firmly, and not very
+respectfully, refused any further pecuniary assistance. They urged in
+effect, that they had already been doubly robbed of their services and
+their cash, for they had never been paid for the one, and had been almost
+drained of the other. The nobles, who had derived nearly all they
+possessed from plunder, could not see the justice of the principle, that
+as they had done to others they deserved to be done, and they peremptorily
+refused to comply with the attempted exactions of the sovereign.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Rapin's <i>Histoire d'Angleterre</i>, tome ii., p. 386 of the
+second edition where he turned in to the priory. The king at
+first determined to have him out, dead or alive, and a mob
+of upwards of twenty thousand people, says Rapin, were
+about to start with the Mayor of London to take the ex-
+minister into custody. How such a crowd was got together in
+those days out of the mere superfluous idlers of the city,
+is not known, ana we are equally in the dark how it happened
+that this mob continued doing nothing, while the king
+listened to remonstrances from various quarters against the
+violence of his measures.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Having failed in his attack on the pockets of his Parliament, Henry looked
+with an envious eye on the comfortably lined coffers of his minister.
+Hubert de Burgh, though he enjoyed the reputation of a trusty servant, had
+taken care to feather his nest, nor did the feathers lie very heavily on
+his conscience, for in those days the greatest weight that could be placed
+upon the mind was always portable. The tonnage of Hubert's conscience
+appears to have been considerable, for though he carried a good cargo of
+peculation, he seems never to have evinced any disposition to sink under
+his burden. Henry became jealous of the good fortune of his minister, and
+resolved, for the purpose of getting his savings, to effect his ruin.
+Presuming Hubert to have been a dishonest man, and granting that there is
+policy in the recommendation to "set a thief to catch a thief," the king
+could not have done better than to send for Des Boches, the Bishop of
+Winchester, to assist in cleaning out the favourite. Poor De Burgh was in
+the first instance charged with magic and enchantment; which may be
+considered equivalent to an impeachment of the minister of the present day
+for phantasmagoria and thimble-rig.
+</p>
+<p>
+In these enlightened times we cannot conceive the Premier being sent to
+the Tower on a suspicion of jack-a-lantern and blind hookey, though it was
+for offences of this class that Hubert was at first arraigned on the
+prosecution of his sovereign. These frivolous charges having fallen to the
+ground, the king called upon him for an account of all the money that had
+passed through his hands; when the minister having kept no books and being
+wholly without vouchers, cut a very pretty figure. As he had been in the
+habit of cutting figures all through his career, this result was not to be
+wondered at. He, however, rummaged among his papers and found an old
+patent, given him by John, absolving him from the necessity of rendering
+any account, but his enemies replied, that this was only a receipt in full
+up to the time of Henry's accession. Hubert finding he could not get out
+of the scrape, determined, if possible, to get out of the country; but he
+proceeded no further on the road than Merton, London mobs must have been
+rather more tractable in the thirteenth than in the nineteenth century,
+for the twenty thousand people dispersed when it was understood, after
+considerable negotiation, that their services would not be required.
+Indeed, according to a more recent historian, they had actually started
+when a king's messenger was despatched to call them back again.
+</p>
+<p>
+Hubert, who had found the priory at Merton exceedingly slow, started off
+to St. Edmund's Bury to see his wife, who resided there. He had got as far
+as Brentwood, and had gone to bed, when he was roused by a loud knocking
+at the door, which caused him to put his head out of the window and
+inquire who or what was wanted. "Is there a person of the name of Hubert
+de Burgh stopping here?" exclaimed the captain of the troop; but the wily
+minister, for the sake of gaining time, pretended to misunderstand the
+question. "Hubert de What?" he exclaimed, as he slipped on a portion of
+his dress; but the soldier repeated the name with a tremendous emphasis on
+the syllable Burgh, which caused a shudder in the frame of Hubert. He,
+however, had the presence of mind to direct them to the second door round
+the corner. Having got them away from the front of the cottage by this
+manouvre, he ran downstairs into the street, and made his way to the
+chapel. Here he was seized by his pursuers, who placed him on a horse, and
+tied his feet together under the animal's stomach. Hubert must have had
+legs of a most extraordinary length, or the horse must have been a very
+genteel figure to have permitted this arrangement, which we find recorded
+in all the histories.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is possible that the brute upon which De Burgh was secured may have
+been a donkey, in which case the legs of the ex-favourite might have been
+long enough to admit of their being tied in a double knot&mdash;and
+perhaps even in a bow&mdash;under the animal's stomach. In this
+uncomfortable position he was trotted off to the Tower; but the clergy
+being incensed at the violation of sanctuary, Hubert was remounted in the
+same style, and trotted back again. He was placed in the church as before,
+but all communication with it was cut off, a trench dug round it, and
+Hubert was left without any food but that which is always so plentiful
+under similar circumstances&mdash;namely, food for reflection.
+</p>
+<p>
+After "chewing the bitter cud" until there was nothing left to masticate,
+he intimated from the steeple his desire to surrender. He had remained
+forty days shut up without food, fire, or any other clothing but the
+wrapper in which he had made his escape from his lodgings at Brentwood.
+The once burly De Burgh had, of course, become dreadfully thin, and the
+thread of existence seemed to be inclosed in a mere thread-paper. In this
+state he was taken to the Tower; but he was soon released to take his
+trial before his peers, who would have condemned him to death, but the
+king, looking on the minister as a golden goose, merely seized the
+accumulated eggs, and sent him to prison at the Castle of Devizes, until
+some other means were devised of getting hold of the remainder of his
+property.
+</p>
+<p>
+Hubert had scarcely been in prison a year, when he took advantage of a
+dark night to drop himself over one of the battlements. He however found
+that one good drop deserved another, for he had fallen into a ditch
+containing a good drop of water, in which he remained absorbed for several
+seconds. Having crawled out, he commenced wringing his hands and his
+clothes, but feeling there was no time to be lost, he made his way to a
+country church, whither he was traced by the drippings of his garments,
+which had left a mark something like that of a water-cart, along the path
+he had taken. Though captured by one party, he was set at liberty by
+another, with whom the king had become very unpopular, and Hubert was
+carried off to Wales, where a sect of discontents, who, had they lived in
+these days, would have been called the Welsh Whigs, had long been
+gathering. Hubert in about a year and a half, obtained a return of part of
+his estates, and was even restored to his honours; but the king still kept
+him as a sort of nest-egg to plunder as occasion required. Hubert finally
+compromised the claims of the sovereign by surrendering four castles, in
+which Hollinshed is disposed to believe that Jack Straw's and the Elephant
+could not have been included.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Bishop of Winchester, or as he is termed in history, the Poictevin
+bishop, succeeded to power on the downfall of Hubert, and Des Boches soon
+filled the court with foreign adventurers. Two of a trade never agree; and
+the nobility, who had originally been foreign adventurers themselves,
+objected to the importation of any more scamps from abroad, on the
+principle, perhaps, that England had got plenty of that sort already. The
+Poictevin bishop was particularly hostile to the son of the late regent,
+the young Earl of Pembroke, who inherited some of his father's virtues,
+and what was far more interesting to old Des Boches, the whole of his
+father's property. Young P. was in Ireland, where he had large estates,
+which the Poictevin bishop desired the governors of that country to
+confiscate. He promised them a slice, and the governors being&mdash;as
+Rapin has it&mdash;<i>avides d'un si bon morceau</i>&mdash;(ravenous for
+such a tit-bit) determined on getting hold of it. Treachery was
+accordingly resorted to, and Pembroke was basely stabbed in the back
+whilst sitting unsuspectingly at his own Pembroke table. This was more
+than the barons could bear; and they told Henry very plainly, through
+Edmund, the new Archbishop of Canterbury, that if Des Roches was not
+dismissed, the sovereign himself would be sent forthwith about his
+business. The Poictevin was ordered off to Winchester, with directions to
+limit his views to his own see; and the patriotic Canterbury, who had of
+course only been anxious for the good of his country, obtained the power
+from which his predecessor had been cleverly ousted.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Bishop of Winchester was soon afterwards called to Rome by the pope,
+who pretended to require his advice, but really had an eye to his money.
+Des Boches imagined that he was invited for protection, but he was in fact
+wanted for pillage. The Poictevin was glad to escape from English <i>surveillance</i>,
+and was quite content to eat his mutton under the pope's eye, though he
+was hardly prepared for the process of picking to which he was subjected.
+The predecessor of Urban * was, however, all urbanity, and thus made some
+amends to Des Boches, who, like the majority of mankind, found
+victimisation a comparatively painless operation when performed by the
+gentle or light-fingered hands of an accomplished swindler.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* According to some authorities Celestine was pope at this
+period, and Urban did not reach the papal dignity till some
+time afterwards.
+</pre>
+<p>
+In the year 1236, Henry married Eleanor of Provence, with immense pomp and
+another coronation&mdash;a ceremony the frequent repetition of which in
+former times was a proof of the uncertainty of regal power, for the crown
+could not be very firm that so often required re-soldering. The king's
+marriage formed, perhaps, a reasonable excuse for placing an extra hod of
+cement between the monarch's poll and the hollow diadem. The marriage
+festivities were followed by the summoning of a Parliament at Merton,
+where Henry passed a series of statutes that became famous under the name
+of the Statutes of Merton; and where he also pocketed, in the shape
+of-subsidies, a considerable sum of money.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0061" id="linkimage-0061"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/154m.jpg" alt="154m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/154.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Eleanor, the new queen, brought with her to England a quantity of needy
+and seedy foreigners, most of whom were immediately promoted. One of her
+uncles, "named Boniface," says Matthew Paris, "from his extraordinary
+quantity of cheek," was raised to the see of Canterbury. She invited over
+from Provence a quantity of <i>demoiselles a marier</i>, whom she got off
+by palming them upon rich young nobles, of whom her husband held the
+wardship. The court was turned into a kind of matrimonial bazaar, where
+the wealthy scions of English aristocracy were hooked by the portionless
+but sometimes pretty spinsters of Provence. Nor was this all, for
+Isabella, the queen mother, sent over her four boys, Guy, William,
+Geoffrey, and Aymer, her sons, by the Count de la Marche, to be provided
+for. England was in fact regarded as an enormous common, upon which any
+foreign goose or jackass might be turned out to grass, provided he was
+patronised by a member of the reigning family. Henry, who was the victim
+of his poor relations, soon found himself short of cash, and he was
+obliged to get money in driblets from the Parliament, who never allowed
+him much at a time, and always exacted conditions which were invariably
+broken as soon as the cash was granted.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry had been married about a year, when he had the coolness to ask the
+nation for the expenses of his wedding. The barons declared that they had
+never been consulted about the match, and that the king up to the last
+hour of his remaining a single man had acted with great duplicity. Finding
+it useless to command, he resorted to the old plan of humbug, and fell
+back upon his old friend Magna Charta, which he confirmed once more, for
+about the fifth or sixth time, and of course got the money he required.
+This great Bill of Rights was to him a sort of stereotyped bill of
+exchange, upon which he could always raise a sum of money by going through
+the formality of a fresh acceptance.
+</p>
+<p>
+The history of this reign for the next few years would furnish fitter
+materials for the accountant than the historian, and Henry's career would
+be better told in a balance-sheet than in the form of narrative. Had his
+schedule been regularly filed it would have disclosed a series of
+insolvencies, from which he was only relieved by taking the benefit of
+some act of generosity and credulity on the part of his Parliament. At one
+moment he was so fearfully hard up that he was advised to sell all his
+plate and jewels. * "Who will buy them?" he exclaimed;&mdash;"though," he
+added, glancing at his four awkward half-brothers, "if anyone would give
+mo anything for that set of spoons, I should be glad to take the offer."
+He was told that the citizens of London would purchase plate to any
+amount, at which he burst into violent invectives against "the clowns," as
+he termed them, probably on account of the presumed capacity of their
+breeches pockets. He made every effort to annoy the citizens, and showed
+his appreciation of their superfluous cash by helping himself to ten
+thousand pounds of it by open violence.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Matthew Paris, Mat. West. Chron. Duncl.
+</pre>
+<p>
+In the year 1253, Henry was once more in a fix, and again the Parliament
+had the folly to promise him a supply if he would go through another
+confirmation of Magna Charta. On the 3rd of May he attended a general
+meeting of the nobility at Westminster Hall where he found the
+ecclesiastical dignitaries holding each a burning taper in his hand,
+intending probably that the melting wax should make a deep impression on
+the sovereign. Some are of opinion that this process was illustrative of
+the necessity sometimes said to exist for holding a candle to a certain
+individual. Henry took the usual quantity of oaths, and the priests dashed
+to the ground their tapers, which went out in smoke, and were so far
+typical of the king's promises. On receiving the money he went to Guienne,
+from which he soon came back&mdash;as a popular vocalist used to say by
+way of cue to his song&mdash;"without sixpence in his pocket, just like&mdash;Love
+among the roses."
+</p>
+<p>
+The pope now brought in a heavy bill of �100,000 for money lent, of which
+Henry declared he had never enjoyed the benefit. The pope merely observed,
+that he was clearing his books and must have the matter settled. The king
+turned upon the clergy, upon whom he drew bills, one of which was
+addressed to the Bishop of Worcester, who declared they might take his
+mitre in execution for the amount, and the Bishop of Gloucester said they
+might serve his the same; but if they did he would wear a helmet. Richard,
+the king's brother, who was very wealthy, hearing that the German empire
+was in the market for sale, made a bold bid for it. There was another
+competitor for the lot in the person of Alphonso, king of Castile, but
+Richard put down �700,000 and was declared the purchaser. This liberality
+was of course at the expense of poor England, which was so completely
+drained of cash that when Henry met his Parliament on the 2nd of May,
+1258, he found the barons in full armour, rattling their swords, as much
+as to say, that these must furnish a substitute for the precious metals.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry was alarmed at the menacing aspect of the assembly, but one of his
+foreign half-brothers began vapouring, in a mixed <i>patois</i> of bad
+French, to the bent down, but not yet broken, English. The king himself
+resorted to his old trick of promising, and pledged his word once more
+with his usual success, though it was already pawned over and over again
+for a hundred times its value. The barons, however, were still ready to
+take it in; though they had got by them already an enormous stock of
+similar articles, all unredeemed, and daily losing their interest. The
+leader of the country party was at this time Simon de Montfort, Earl of
+Leicester, a Frenchman, who had married Eleanor, the king's sister. He had
+quarrelled and made it up with Henry once or twice, and the following
+conversation is recorded to have taken place, in 1252, between the earl
+and his sovereign:&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+"You are a traitor," said the king.
+</p>
+<p>
+"You are a liar!" replied the courtier.
+</p>
+<p>
+After this brief and decisive dialogue Leicester went to France, but his
+royal brother-in-law soon invited him back again.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 11th of June, 1258, there met, at Oxford, an assembly to which the
+Royalists gave the name of the Mad Parliament. There was a good deal of
+method in the madness of the members, for they appointed twenty-four
+barons and bishops as a committee of government. There was some insanity
+in the proposition to hold three sessions in a year, but it is doubtful
+whether Dr. Winslow, or any other eminent physician would have found, in
+the statutes passed at the time sufficient to form the foundation of a
+statute of lunacy. Henry seems to have been most in want of Dr. Winslow's
+care, for his majesty was exceedingly mad at the decisive measures of the
+barons, and would have been glad of an asylum where he would have been
+safe from their influence.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Oxford Parliament, which was certainly an odd compound of good and
+bad, or light and dark&mdash;the regular Oxford mixture&mdash;passed some
+measures of a very miscellaneous character. The annual election of a new
+sheriff, and the sending to Parliament of four knights, chosen by the
+freeholders in each county, were judicious steps; but in some other
+respects the barons abused their power, and got a good deal of abuse
+themselves in consequence. The queen's relations and the king's
+half-brothers were literally scared out of the kingdom; but only to make
+way for the advancement of the friends and relatives of the Mad
+Parliament.
+</p>
+<p>
+Soon after it met, Richard, who had emptied his pockets in Germany, wanted
+to come to England to replenish them. He was met at St. Omer by a
+messenger, stating that there would be no admittance unless he complied
+with the new regulations made by the barons. To this he reluctantly
+consented, and he joined his brother the king, with the full intention of
+organising an opposition, which he found already commenced by the Earl of
+Gloucester, who had grown jealous of Leicester's influence. Even at that
+early period the struggles between the "Ins and the Outs," which form the
+chief business of political life, had already commenced, and there was the
+same sort of shuffling from side to side, and principle to principle,
+which the observer of statesmanship at the present day cannot fail to
+recognise.
+</p>
+<p>
+There was among all parties a vast protestation of regard for Magna
+Charta, which served the same purpose then as has since been answered by
+the British Constitution and the British lion. Henry, seeing with delight
+the divisions of the barons, got a bull from the pope to serve as a piece
+of india-rubber for his conscience, by rubbing out all the oaths he had
+taken at Oxford.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 2nd of February, 1261, he announced his intention of governing
+without the aid of the committee, and immediately went to the Tower, of
+which he took possession. He then dropped in at the Mint, where he emptied
+every till, and even waited, according to some, while a shilling, which
+was in the course of manufacture, got cool in the crucible. The Mint
+authorities were of course exceedingly obsequious, and may probably have
+offered to send him home a batch of new pennies that were not quite done,
+if his majesty desired it. "No, thank you," would have been Henry's reply,
+"I'll take what you've got;" and so he did, for off he marched with the
+whole of it.
+</p>
+<p>
+The arbitrary conduct of the barons had somewhat disgusted the people,
+many of whom had discovered that one tyrant was not quite so bad as
+four-and-twenty. London declared for Henry, and Leicester ran away; but
+the vacillating cockneys soon declared for Leicester, which brought him
+back again. The king, who had been at such pains to secure the Tower, had
+the mortification to find it secured him, for he was safely locked up in
+it. Prince Edward, his son, flew to Windsor Castle, and the queen, his
+mother, was going down to the stairs at London Bridge to take a boat to
+follow him. She had shouted "Hi!" to the jack-in-the-water, and was
+stepping into a wherry, when she was recognised by the mob, who called
+after her as a witch, and pelted her with mud and missiles. The Lord
+Mayor, who happened to be passing, gallantly offered her his arm, walked
+with her to St. Paul's, and left her in the care of the doorkeeper. This
+anecdote is circumstantially given by all the chroniclers, among whom we
+need only mention Wykes, West, and Trivet&mdash;the correctness of the
+last being so remarkable that "right as a Trivet" is to this day a
+proverb. After a prodigious quantity of quarrelling between Henry and Son
+on one part, and Leicester and Co. on the other, the matters in dispute
+were referred to the arbitration of the French king, Louis the Ninth, who
+made an award in favour of Henry, which the barons of course refused to
+abide by. A civil war broke out with great fury, in which the Jews were
+victimised by both parties, though opposed to neither. They were
+slaughtered by the barons for being attached to the king, and were also
+slaughtered by the king's party for being attached to the barons. If they
+were attached to either it certainly was one of the most unfortunate
+attachments we ever heard of, and the strength of the attachment must have
+been great which could have survived such horrible treatment.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 14th of May, 1264, the king's party and that of Leicester met in
+battle. His majesty was at Lewes, in a hollow, where he thought himself
+deep enough to have got into a position of safety. The earl was upon the
+Downs, which Wykes calls a "downy move," for the spot was raised and
+commanded a view of the movements of the sovereign.
+</p>
+<p>
+Leicester commenced the attack, which soon became general. Prince Edward
+charged the London militia, who could have charged pretty well in return
+if they been behind their counters; but they had no idea of selling their
+lives at any price. They accordingly fled in all directions and the prince
+paid them off all he owed them for the manner in which they had served his
+mother. Leicester concentrated his force upon the king to whom he gave
+personally a sound thrashing.
+</p>
+<p>
+Having cudgelle the king to his heart's content, he took him into custody.
+Prince Edward was seized, but the latter escaped on the Thursday in
+Whitsun week, 1265, and raised a powerful force, with which he marched to
+Evesham against his father's enemies.
+</p>
+<p>
+Leicester had formed a camp near Kenilworth, and having got the king still
+in his possession, he encased the poor old man in armour, put him on a
+horse, and turned him into the field on the morning of the battle. The
+veteran was soon dismounted, and was on the point of being killed, when he
+roared out "Hollo! stop! I am Henry of Winchester!" His son recognising
+his voice, seized him and literally bundled him into a place of safety.
+"What do you do here?" muttered Edward, somewhat annoyed, but the aged
+Henry could not explain a circumstance which might have played old Harry
+with the cause of the Royalists. Leicester's horse fell under him, but the
+earl bounding to his feet, continued to fight, until finding the matter
+getting serious, he paused to inquire whether the Royalists gave quarter.
+"There is no quarter for traitors," was the only reply he received,
+followed by a poke in the shape of a home-thrust from the sword of one of
+the enemy. Deprived of their leader, Leicester's followers had nothing to
+follow, and the Royalists obtained a victory. The king was now restored to
+power, but there were still a few rebels in the forest of Hampshire, one
+of whom, named Adam Gourdon, came to a personal contest with Prince
+Edward, who got him down, placed his foot on his chest, and generously
+restored him to liberty. Gourdon was introduced to the queen the same
+night as a sort of prize rebel, and became a faithful adherent to the
+royal family.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry was now left at home all by himself, his son Edward having gone to
+Palestine. The old man often wrote to request the prince to return, for
+his majesty found himself unequal to the bother of ruling a people still
+disposed to be occasionally turbulent. A sedition had broken out at
+Norwich, which Henry had gone to quell, and he was on his way back to
+London, when he was laid up at St. Edmund's Bury by indisposition. Being
+considered a slight illness, it was at first slighted, but the royal
+patient became worse, and he died on the 16th of November, 1272, at the
+respectable age of sixty-eight, according to one historian, * sixty-four
+according to a second, ** and sixty-six according to a third. *** The last
+seems to be the nearest to the truth, for Henry had been a king about
+fifty-six years, and he was about ten when he came to the throne. He was
+buried at Westminster Abbey, where for nothing on Sundays and for twopence
+on week days, posterity may see his tomb.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Macfarlane.
+
+** Hume.
+
+***Rapin.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The character of Henry the Third was an odd compound, a species of
+physiological grog, a mixture of generous spirit and weak water, the
+latter predominating over the former in a very considerable degree. He was
+exceedingly fond of money, of which he extracted such enormous quantities
+from his subjects, that if the heart and the pocket were synonymous, as
+they have sometimes been called, Henry would have had the fullest
+possession of the hearts of his people. His manner must have been rather
+persuasive; for if the Parliament refused a subsidy at first they were
+always talked over by his majesty, and made to relax their purse-strings
+before the sitting closed. Some gratitude may perhaps be due to him on
+account of his patronage of literature, for he started the practice of
+keeping a poet, in an age when poets found considerable difficulty in
+keeping themselves. The bard alluded to was one Master Henry, who received
+on one occasion a hundred shillings, * and was subsequently "ordered ten
+pounds;" but, considering the unpunctuality of the king in money matters,
+it was doubtful whether the order for ten pounds was ever honoured. The
+persecution of the Jews was among the most remarkable features of the
+career of the king, who used to demand enormous sums of them, and
+threatened to hang them if they refused compliance. In this he only
+followed the example of his father, John, who, it is said, demanded ten
+thousand marks of an unfortunate Jew, one of whose teeth was pulled out
+every day, until he paid the money. It is said by Matthew Paris ** that
+seven were extracted before the cash was forthcoming. This was undoubtedly
+the fact, but it is not generally known, that, with the cunning of his
+race, the Jew contrived to get some advantage out of the treatment to
+which he was subjected. It is said that he exclaimed, after the last
+operation had been performed, "They don't know it, but them teeth was all
+decayed. There's not a shound von among the lot, so I've done 'em nicely;"
+and with this piece of consolation, he paid the money.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Madox, p. 208.
+
+** Page 160.
+</pre>
+<p>
+To his reign has also been attributed the origin of the custom of sending
+deputies to Parliament to represent the commons, a practice that we find
+from looking over the list of the lower house, is liable to be in some
+cases greatly abused. "Take him for all in all," as the poet says, "we
+shall never"&mdash;that is to say, we hope we shall never&mdash;"look up
+on his like again."
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0016" id="link2HCH0016"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE SECOND. EDWARD THE FIRST, SURNAMED LONGSHANKS.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0062" id="linkimage-0062"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/160m.jpg" alt="160m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/160.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+EDWARD was the first king who came to the throne like a gentle-man,
+without any of that indecent clutching of the crown and sacking of the
+treasury which had been practised by almost every one of his predecessors.
+Perhaps his absence from England was the chief cause of this forbearance;
+but it is at all events refreshing to meet with a sovereign whose
+accession was not marked by a burglary upon the premises where the public
+treasure happened to be deposited.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 20th of November, 1272, four days after his father's death, Edward
+was proclaimed king by the barons at the New Temple. It was probably under
+the shade of the old fig-tree in Fig-Tree Court, that they read his titles
+of King of England, Lord of Ireland, and Duke of Aquitaine. Edward had
+been engaged in the crusades, as one of those fighting missionaries who
+conveyed "sermons in stones" through the medium of slings, and knocked
+unbelief literally upon the head with the Christian battle-axe. One day he
+nearly lost his life, by the hands of an assassin, disguised as a postman
+from the Emir of Jaffa, who, feigning a wish to be converted, had opened a
+correspondence with Edward.
+</p>
+<p>
+The English prince was lying in his <i>robe-de-chambre</i> on a couch,
+when the usual salaam&mdash;the emir's postman's knock&mdash;was made at
+the door of his apartment. The messenger had brought a letter, of which
+Edward had scarcely broken the wax, when his doom was nearly sealed by a
+blow from a dagger, hidden in the postman's sleeve. The prince parried the
+attack with his arms, which were his only weapons, until, wresting the
+dirk from his assailant's hands, he used it to put a period to the
+existence of the would-be murderer, by a process of punctuation which no
+grammarian has attempted to describe.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward's wound was not deep, but his enemies had been deep enough to
+introduce some venom into it. When he heard the fact he gave himself up to
+despair, for he considered that his existence was irretrievably poisoned.
+A romantic story is told of Queen Eleanor having sucked the poison from
+her husband's arm, but it is quite certain that such succour was never
+afforded him, and the anecdote is therefore not worth the straw that the
+operation would have required.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0063" id="linkimage-0063"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/162m.jpg" alt="162m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/162.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The prince owed his recovery to the prompt attendance of an English
+surgeon, who happened to be settled at Acre, and to some drugs supplied by
+the Grand Master of the Templars, who opened his heart and his chest&mdash;of
+medicine&mdash;for the relief of the suffering Edward. There is no doubt
+that Eleanor had sufficient affection for her husband, to have prompted
+her to draw the poison into her mouth had it ever entered her head; but
+the fact appears to be that the remedy was never thought of until a
+century after the infliction of the wound, which was a little too late to
+be of service to the patient, though nothing is ever too late to be made
+use of by the chroniclers. The notion was too good to be rejected by these
+very credulous gentlemen, who are easily induced to convert might have
+been, into has been, when the latter course is better adapted for exciting
+an agreeable interest.
+</p>
+<p>
+Feeling tolerably secure of the throne, he was in no hurry to take
+possession, but enjoyed an agreeable tour before returning to England. He
+paid a visit to the new pope, his old friend Theobald, though there was
+some difficulty in getting into Theobald's road, for his holiness had left
+Rome for Civita Vecchia. Edward spent some time in Italy, for among the
+many irons he had in the fire were two or three Italian irons, which he
+desired to look after before arriving in his own country. He next visited
+Paris, and instead of coming straight home with the diligence that might
+have been expected, he turned back to Guienne, where he was invited by the
+Count of Chalons to a tournament.
+</p>
+<p>
+"'Twas in the merry month of May," in the year 1274, "When bees from
+flower to flower did hum," exactly as they do in the present day, that the
+parties met lance to lance, each attended by a host of champions. Edward
+brought one thousand with him, but the Count of Chalons came with two
+thousand, an incident which at once raised a suspicion that the chivalrous
+knight intended foul play towards his royal antagonist. A tournament in
+sport soon became a battle in earnest, and the count rushed upon Edward,
+grasping him by the neck to embrace the opportunity of unhorsing him.
+Nothing, however, could make him resign his seat, and the Count of Chalons
+was soon licking the dust, or rather, the saw-dust spread over the arena
+in which the tournament was given. Edward was so angry at the trick which
+had been played, that he hit his antagonist several times while down, and
+kept hammering at the armour of the count like a smith at an anvil. The
+Count of Chalons roared out lustily for mercy, but Edward refusing to
+grant it, continued to "give it him" in another sense for several minutes.
+At length the count offered to surrender his sword, which was
+igno-miniously rejected by the English king, who called up a common foot
+soldier to take away the dishonoured weapon.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0064" id="linkimage-0064"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/164m.jpg" alt="164m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/164.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+It was not till the year 1274 that Edward thought of returning to England,
+and he sent over to order his coronation dinner on a scale that would have
+done honour to a mayoral banquet. The bill of fare included so many heads
+of cattle, that the shortest way to get through the cooking would have
+been to light a fire under Leadenhall Market, and roast the whole of the
+contents by a single operation. If such a feast had really taken place, it
+was enough to put the times out of joint for a twelvemonth afterwards. On
+the 2nd of August, 1274, Edward arrived at Dover, and on the 19th of the
+same month he was crowned at Westminster Abbey, with his wife, Eleanor.
+This was the wonderful woman who was erroneously alleged to have sucked
+the poison from her husband's arm, a feat that has had no parallel in
+modern times, if we except the individual who undertook to swallow liquid
+lead and arsenic before a generous British public, and who, by surviving
+the operation, gave great offence to a portion of the enlightened
+audience. Edward, on coming to England, found plenty of loyalty, but very
+little cash; and though he had no objection to reign in the hearts of his
+people, he felt the necessity of making himself also master of their
+pockets. A crown without money would have been a mere tin kettle, tied to
+the head, instead of the tail, of the unlucky dog who might be compelled
+to wear it.
+</p>
+<p>
+The king turned his attention to the unfortunate Jews, who seemed to be
+tolerated in England as human bees, employed in collecting the sweets of
+wealth only for the purpose of having it taken away from them. Edward
+literally emptied them out of the kingdom, for the purpose of plundering
+their hives more effectually. He allowed some of them their travelling
+expenses out of England, but even this was more than they required in many
+cases, for the inhabitants of the ports saved the Jews the cost of their
+journey by most inhumanly drowning them.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward, however unjust himself, disliked injustice in others; and indeed,
+with the common jealousy of dealers on a very large scale, he seemed to
+desire a monopoly of all the robbery and oppression practised within his
+own dominions. In the year 1289, the judicial bench was disgraced by a set
+of extortioners whose existence we can scarcely comprehend in the present
+age, when a corrupt judge would be as difficult to find as the
+philosopher's stone, or as that desirable but impossible boon to the
+briefless barrister, perpetual motion. The Chief Justice of the King's
+Bench had actually encouraged his own servants to commit murder, for the
+sake of the fees that would accrue upon the trial, and, of course, the
+acquittal of the culprits. The Chief Baron of-the Exchequer had kept all
+the money paid into court upon every action that had been tried, and was
+even discovered going disgraceful snacks with the usher in illegal charges
+upon suitors. As to the puisnes, they had been detected in selling their
+judgments <i>in banco</i> at so much a folio, and even hiring pickpockets
+to rob the leading counsel as they went out of court with their fees in
+their pockets. The Chancellor had spent the money of nearly all his wards,
+and would never fix a day for a decree until he was positively forced,
+when he would pronounce a decision unintelligible to all parties. These
+disgraceful proceedings were made a pretext by the king for taking eighty
+thousand marks from the judges, his majesty observing, that if he took
+from them all the marks they possessed, he could not remove the stains
+from their characters. This shallow sophism, though it might have
+satisfied the king himself, was not consolatory to the judges, nor was it
+calculated to reimburse the people for the losses sustained by judicial
+delinquency. It is said that the first clock placed opposite the gate of
+Westminster Hall was purchased with a fine of eight hundred marks upon the
+Chief Justice of the King's Bench, and the popular saying "that's your
+time of day" is supposed to have arisen from a sarcasm that used to be
+addressed by the crowd outside to the judicial delinquent.
+</p>
+<p>
+As a measure of further extortion, Edward became suddenly very particular
+as to the titles by which the nobles held their estates, and sent round
+commissioners to demand the production of the deeds by which the barons
+acquired their property. Earl de Warenne was called upon among the rest,
+and desired that the commissioners might be politely shown in to him. "So,
+gentlemen," he mildly observed, "you wish to see the title by which I hold
+my property."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Exactly so," was the reply, which was followed by a commonplace
+expression of sorrow at being obliged to trouble him, "It is no trouble in
+the least," rejoined Earl de Warenne, drawing a tremendous sword, which he
+brandished before the eyes of the commissioners, and begged their close
+inspection of the title by which his ancestors had acquired his
+possessions.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0065" id="linkimage-0065"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/166m.jpg" alt="166m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/166.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+"You see, gentlemen," he continued, "there is no flaw to be detected, and
+if after looking at my title you want a specimen of my deeds, I can very
+speedily give you the satisfaction you require." The historian need
+scarcely add that the commissioners backed out, with an observation, "that
+a mere abstract of the title&mdash;a drawing of the sword out of its
+scabbard&mdash;was all that could possibly be required." Edward having
+other fish to fry, had hitherto neglected Wales, but that land of
+mountains was a scene of frequent risings, which he now determined to "put
+down" with promptitude and vigour. Llewellyn, the Prince of North Wales,
+was summoned to London to do homage as a tributary to the English crown,
+but his ambition having been fired by some prophecies of the famous
+Merlin, the fiery Welshman sent word that he would not come so far to see
+Edward, which was equivalent to a declaration that he would see him
+further. The English king having resolved to punish so much insolence,
+about Easter, 1277, crossed the Dee&mdash;not the sea, as some historians
+have alleged&mdash;with a large army and blocked poor Llewellyn up in his
+own principality. His brother David having been made an English baron, and
+married to the daughter of an English earl, was at first devoted to the
+English, but his native breezes fanned the still dormant flame of
+patriotism, and he joined his brother in resisting the foreign enemy.
+Edward occupied Anglesey, but in crossing over to the mainland he found
+himself in the most dreadful straits at the Menai. He lost several hundred
+men, and was obliged to fly for protection to one of his castles, but a
+king in those days could make every Englishman's house his castle, by
+unceremoniously walking into it. Llewellyn was somewhat emboldened by
+partial success, and foolishly advanced to the valley of the Wye, without
+anyone knowing wherefore. Roger, the savage Earl of Mortimer, was
+immediately down upon him, and sacrificed him before he had time even to
+put on his armour, in which he was only half encased when he was cruelly
+set upon by the enemy. He had buckled on his greaves, and was in the act
+of putting on his breast-plate over his head when he was decapitated with
+the usual disregard which was at that time continually shown to the heads
+of families. His brother David kept cutting about the country with his
+sword in his hand for at least six months, until he was basely betrayed
+into the hands of the English. He was condemned to die the death of
+traitors, which included a series of barbarities too revolting to mention.
+This sentence, which formed a precedent in the punishment of high treason
+for many ages, is one of the most disgraceful facts of our history. It
+casts a stigma upon every Parliament and every generation of the people in
+whose time this fearful penalty either was or might have been inflicted.
+</p>
+<p>
+The leek of Wales was now entwined with the rose of England, and Edward
+endeavoured to propitiate his newly acquired subjects by becoming a
+resident in the conquered country. His wife Eleanor gave birth to a son in
+the castle of Caernarvon, and he availed himself of the circumstance to
+introduce the infant as a native production, giving him the title of
+Prince of Wales, which has ever since been held by the eldest son of the
+English sovereign.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0066" id="linkimage-0066"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/168m.jpg" alt="168m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/168.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+After remaining about a year in Wales, Edward was enabled by the
+tranquillity of the kingdom to take a Continental tour, in the course of
+which he was often appealed to as a mutual friend by sovereigns between
+whom there was any difference. He acted as arbitrator in the celebrated
+cause of Anjou against Aragon; but while settling the affairs of others,
+his own were getting rather embarrassed, and he was compelled in the year
+1289 to return to England.
+</p>
+<p>
+Upon reaching home he found that Scotland was in that state of weakness
+which offered an eligible opportunity to a royal plunderer. The king,
+Alexander the Third, had died, leaving a little grandchild of the name of
+Margaret, as his successor. This young lady was the daughter of Eric, king
+of Norway, who wrote over to Edward, requesting he would do what he could
+for her in case of her title being disputed. The English sovereign, with a
+cunning worthy of a certain French old gentleman whom we need not name,
+recommended a marriage with his son as the best mode of protecting the
+royal damsel. The preliminaries were all arranged, and Eric had agreed to
+forward the little Margaret, who was only eight years of age, by the first
+boat from Norway to Britain. The child had been shipped and regularly
+invoiced, when she fell ill, and being put ashore at one of the Orkney
+Islands, she unfortunately died.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the death of the queen being made known, claimants to the Scottish
+crown started up in all directions, and it was necessary to find the heir
+by hunting among the descendants of David of Huntingdon. John Baliol was
+the grandson of David's eldest daughter, and John's grandmother therefore
+gave Baliol a right to the crown, which was disputed by Bruce and
+Hastings, the sons of the youngest daughters of Huntingdon senior, whose
+only son, Huntingdon junior, died without issue. An opening was thus left
+to the female tranches, and the introduction of those charming elements of
+discord&mdash;the ladies&mdash;into the question of succession, created,
+of course, all the confusion that arose.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward, having advanced to Norham, a small town on the English side of the
+Tweed, which, as everyone knows, forms a kind of Tweedish wrapper for
+Scotland, appointed a conference, which took place on the 10th of May,
+1291, at which he distinctly stated that he intended regulating the
+succession to the Scotch throne. At this meeting Edward himself proposed
+the first resolution, which pledged the assembly to a recognition of the
+right of the English king not only to do what he liked with his own, but
+to do what he liked with Scotland also, which did not belong to him. One
+gentleman, in the body of the assembly, who remains anonymous to this day,
+ventured to suggest by way of amendment, that no answer could be made
+while the throne was vacant, and an adjournment until the next morning was
+agreed upon. No business was, however, done on the morrow, but a further
+postponement till the 2nd of June was eventually carried. When that day
+arrived the attendance was numerous and highly respectable, for on the
+platform we might have observed no less than eight competitors for the
+crown. Robert Bruce, who was there in excellent health and spirits,
+publicly declared his readiness to refer his claims to Edward's
+arbitration, and all the other claimants did the same. On the next day,
+Baliol made his appearance and followed the example of the others, and it
+was agreed that one hundred and four commissioners should be appointed to
+inquire and report to Edward previous to his giving his final award. There
+is little doubt that this enormous number of commissioners could only have
+been intended to mystify the case, and to leave Edward at liberty to
+settle it his own way; a suspicion that is still further justified by his
+having reserved the right to add, without any limit or restriction, to the
+number of commissioners, and thus make "confusion worse confounded" should
+occasion require.
+</p>
+<p>
+The wily Edward, pretending that it was necessary to the performance of
+his duty as arbitrator, got the kingdom, the castles, and other property
+surrendered into his hands on the 11th of June; though the Earl of Angus
+refused to give up Dundee and Forfar without an indemnity, which he
+stoutly stuck up for, and eventually obtained. None of the clergy joined
+in this disgraceful concession but the Bishop of Sodor, who ought to have
+been the very first to effervesce. The king himself went to the principal
+towns in Scotland with the rolls of homage, which were allowed to lie for
+signature, and he sent attorneys, empowered to take affidavits, into the
+various villages.
+</p>
+<p>
+At length, on the 3rd of August, the commissioners met for the despatch of
+business, and, of course, came to no decision. In the year following they
+tackled the subject again, but it was found that the more they talked
+about it, the more they differed. Edward, by way of complicating the
+affair still further, summoned a Parliament to meet at Berwick on the 15th
+of October, 1292, at which Bruce and Baliol were fully heard, when the
+assembly laid down a general proposition that the lineal descendant of the
+eldest sister, however remote in degree, was preferable to the nearer in
+degree, if descended from a younger sister. This decision left everything
+undecided, and accordingly Edward gave judgment that Baliol should be king
+of Scotland, with the simple proviso that Edward should be king of Baliol.
+The whole affair having been "a sell" got up between the English sovereign
+and the Scottish claimant, there was no demur on the part of the latter,
+who swore fealty, as he would have sworn that black was white, had such
+been the purport of the oath that his master required.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward took every opportunity of bullying Baliol, and even ordered him to
+come all the way to Westminster to defend an action brought against him
+for money due from Alexander the Third, his greatgrandfather. He was also
+served with process in the paltry suit of self <i>ats</i> Macduff; and
+other writs, to which he was forced to appear in person, were continually
+served upon him. For the smallest pecuniary claim the Scotch king was
+compelled to come to England to plead, until his patience at last gave
+way, and he turned refractory.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward was now at war with Philip of France, whom Baliol agreed to serve
+by harassing their mutual enemy. The Scotch king, who was at heart a
+humbug and a coward to the core, became exceedingly insolent, from the
+belief that Edward was somewhat down, and the proper time had arrived for
+hitting him. The English sovereign, who had been harassed at first by the
+Scotch cur, soon brought him howling for mercy, which was accorded on
+condition of his resigning the kingly office, a proposition which Baliol
+basely submitted to. Edward made a triumphal progress through Scotland,
+and taking a fancy to an old stone, upon which the kings had sat to be
+crowned at Scone, caused the very uncomfortable coronation chair to be
+removed to Westminster. * The people of Scotland had always considered
+this block to be the corner-stone of their liberties, and its removal
+seemed to take away the only foundation that their hopes of regaining
+their independence were built upon. As long as it was in their country,
+they believed it would bring them good fortune; but they dreaded the
+reverse if the stone should be removed even so far as a stone's throw from
+the borders of Scotland. Edward having appointed the Earl de Warenne
+governor of the vanquished kingdom, and given away all the appointments
+that were vacant to creatures of his own, returned in triumph to England.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Hemingford.
+</pre>
+<p>
+In the year 1297 William Wallace, commonly known as the hero of Scotland,
+made his first appearance on the stage of history as a supernumerary,
+carrying a banner, for we find him engaged in unfurling the standard of
+liberty. He was at first merely the captain of a small band of outlaws&mdash;a
+sort of first robber&mdash;in the great drama in which he was soon to
+sustain a principal character. He was the second son of Sir William
+Wallace, of Ellerslie, and had all the qualities of a melodramatic hero,
+so far at least as we are enabled to judge by a description of him written
+a hundred years after his death with that minuteness which the old
+chroniclers were so fond of adopting when they knew that no one had the
+power of contradicting them. The celebrated Bower, who continued the
+Scotichronicon of Fordun, tells us that Wallace was "broad-shouldered,
+big-boned, and proportionately corpulent," so that his shoulders were
+broad enough to bear the burden he undertook; and his being corpulent gave
+him this advantage over his enemies, that if they had fifty thousand
+lives, he had undoubtedly "stomach for them all."
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0067" id="linkimage-0067"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figright" style="width:30%;">
+<img src="images/171m.jpg" alt="171m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/171.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+Mr. Tytler, who will perhaps excuse us for venturing on Tytler's ground,
+informs us in his History of Scotland that "Wallace had an iron frame," so
+that we have the picture of the man at once before us. For a quarrel with
+an English officer he had been banished from his home, and by living in
+fastnesses he acquired some of those loosenesses which are inseparable
+from a roving character. His followers comprised a few men of desperate
+fortunes and bad reputation, who had turned patriots, as gentlemen in
+difficulties generally do; for it is a remarkable fact, that the men who
+endeavour to discharge a debt to their country are those who never think
+of discharging the debts which they owe to their creditors. Success,
+however, covers a multitude of sins, and Wallace with his little band of
+outlaws, having achieved one or two small triumphs, soon found out the
+fact that the world which sneers at the very noblest cause in its early
+struggles, will always be ready to join it in the moment of victory.
+Wallace having been fortunate in his efforts, soon had the co-operation of
+Sir William Douglas and all his vassals; just as Mr. Cobden and the
+Anti-Corn-Law League, after having been denounced as turbulent demagogues,
+and threatened with prosecution, were assisted on the eve of the
+fulfilment of their object by the leaders of the Opposition and the
+principal members of the Government.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward, who had been in Flanders during the commencement of the Scotch
+rebellion, now returned to England, and by way of propitiating his
+subjects, he summoned a Parliament, at which Magna Charta was again
+voluntarily confirmed. It is true he made a cunning effort to insert at
+the end of it the words "saving always the rights of our crown," * which
+would have been almost equivalent to striking out all the other clauses of
+the document. The Parliament hotly opposed the crafty suggestion, which
+was accordingly withdrawn, and supplies for carrying on the war against
+the Scotch insurgents were readily granted. In the summer of 1298, Edward
+came in person to Scotland at the head of a large army. Wallace, instead
+of waiting for a battle, retired slowly before the forces of the English
+king, clearing off all the provisions on the way, and thus aiming a blow
+at the stomach of the enemy. The invaders advanced, but there was nothing
+to eat; or as Mr. Tyler well expresses it, "they found an inhospitable
+desert" where&mdash;he might have added&mdash;they had occasion for a
+hospitable dinner. Wallace was now at Falkirk, from which he meditated an
+attack upon the king, but Edward, having been apprised of his intention,
+reflected that it was a game at which two could play, and he thought it as
+well to secure the first innings. The English king accordingly, finding
+the ball at his foot, took it up immediately, and at once bowled out the
+Scottish hero. The battle of Falkirk, was fought on the 22nd of July,
+1298, and the Scotch loss is variously stated at ten, fifteen, and sixty
+thousand men. In ordinary matters it is sometimes safe to believe half
+that we hear, but it would be more judicious to limit one's trust to ten
+per cent, in the records of history.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Rapin, vol. iii., p. 72, second edition, quarto, 1727.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The Scotch war had of course been a very expensive business, and Edward
+had been sponging upon his subjects to an alarming extent during its
+continuance. In 1294 he had taken from the clergy half their incomes and
+nearly all their eatables. His purveyors first emptied their granaries,
+then robbed their farm-yards and ultimately pillaged their pantries; so
+that the king having already ransacked their pockets, the "reverend
+fathers," as he insultingly termed them, were in a very pretty
+predicament. Their larders were laid waste, their safes were no longer
+safe, they could not preserve their jam, their corn was instantly sacked,
+and even their joints of meat, from the leg to the loin, were walked off
+or pur-loined by the order of the sovereign. The pope, who had been
+applied to for protection when they were being deprived of their cattle,
+sent over a bull, which proved of very little use, for he soon despatched
+a second, by which the first was recalled in all its most important
+provisions.
+</p>
+<p>
+The trading classes were not so easily robbed, for when the king began to
+deal with them in his own peculiar fashion, he found them rather awkward
+customers. Some wool had been prepared for shipping by the London
+merchants, when the king's agents came woolgathering to the wharfs, and
+carried it off with a high hand for the use of the sovereign. It is true
+they promised to pay, and ordered the owners to put it down to the bill;
+but the traders determined that they could not do business in that manner.
+They were joined by some of the nobles, and among others by Hereford, the
+constable, and Norfolk, the marshal of England, who had a joint audience
+of his majesty, who threatened to hang them if they did not do his
+bidding. "I will neither do so, nor hang, sir king," was Norfolk's reply,
+in which Hereford acquiesced; so that it was evident Edward could neither
+trample on the marshal, nor any longer overrun the constable. Thirty
+bannerets and fifteen hundred gentlemen whom the king had dubbed knights
+joined the two nobles in their refusal to dub up, * and Edward was left
+almost alone. In this dilemma he appealed to the people by the old trick
+of an effective speech, interlarded with those clap-traps which he knew so
+well how to employ. He caused a platform to be erected at the door of
+Westminster Hall, and appeared upon it, supported by his son Edward, the
+Archbishop of Canterbury, and the Earl of Warwick. Like the schoolmaster
+who never administered a flogging without saying it hurt him a great deal
+more than the boy, the king told the people that it was more grievous to
+him to exact taxes from his dear people than it could be to them to bear
+the burden. "I am going," he exclaimed, "to expose myself to all the
+dangers of war for your sakes," and here he pulled out his
+pocket-handkerchief, behind which he winked at the Archbishop of
+Canterbury, who thrust his tongue into his cheek to show the prelate's
+relish for his master's hypocrisy.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Heming.
+</pre>
+<p>
+"If I return alive," continued the royal humbug, "I will make you amends
+for the past; but if I fall, here is my dear son (step this way, Ned),
+place him on the throne (hold your head up, stupid), and his gratitude
+(bow, you blockhead) will be the reward of your fidelity." Here he fairly
+swamped his face in tears, while the archbishop turned on a couple of
+fountains, which came gushing through his eyes, and the meeting was
+literally dissolved by the practice of this piece of crying injustice
+towards the people. Not only had he melted the hearts of the traders by
+this manouvre, but he drew streams of coin for the liquidation of his
+debts from their pockets. With the cash thus collected he started to join
+Guy, Earl of Flanders, against Philip le Bel, a very pretty sort of
+fellow, between whom and Edward there was a contest for the possession of
+the daughter of the Guy, the fair Philippa. The English king had, as early
+as 1294, contracted a marriage for the Prince of Wales with this young
+lady, who was only nine when the match was agreed upon. The happiness of
+the Flemish infant of course went for nothing in the game of craft and
+ambition which was being played by the intriguing French king, who had no
+other object but the extension of his personal influence. Though he may
+have been the first, he was certainly not the last Philip on the throne of
+France to force the inclinations of royal children on the subject of
+marriage for his own purposes.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward the Fourth had expended a large amount of English money in
+purchasing the support of foreign mercenaries, who had no sooner spent
+their wages than they discontinued their services. The English king,
+finding he was likely to get the worst of it, concluded a truce in the
+spring of 1298, and left the unfortunate Guy to fight his own battles.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0068" id="linkimage-0068"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/174m.jpg" alt="174m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/174.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Before Edward's return home, the London citizens refused to pay the taxes,
+on the ground of their not having been imposed by the consent of
+Parliament. Many a tax-gatherer lost his time and his temper in going from
+door to door, and was told, tauntingly, to collect himself, when he sought
+to collect money for the royal treasury. The king, who was at Ghent, tried
+the never-failing experiment of another confirmation of Magna Charta, with
+the addition of what he called&mdash;in a private letter to his son&mdash;"a
+little one in," namely, a confirmation of the Statute <i>de Tallagio non
+concedendo</i>, which was an act declaring that no talliage or aid should
+be levied without the consent of the Parliament. This was the first
+occasion upon which the nation was formally invested with the sole right
+of raising the supplies, but the investment, after all, was not
+particularly eligible, as the sole right of raising the supplies carries
+with it the sole duty of finding the money. Not content with his
+confirmation of the charter, Edward, in May, 1298, was called upon to
+ratify, at York, the confirmation itself, and thus spread with additional
+butter the constitutional bacon. This he for some time evaded by a series
+of paltry excuses, in which "head-ache," "previous engagement," and "out
+of town," were pleaded from time to time, until the barons, by following
+him up, got him into a <i>cul de sac</i> from which there was no escaping.
+He consented at last to ratify, but, in the most dishonourable manner, he
+contrived while signing to smuggle in a clause at the end, which, by
+saving the right of the Crown, rendered the whole document a wretched
+nullity. This was a trick he was much addicted to, for he had tried the
+paltry subterfuge on a previous occasion. The barons, when they saw the
+addition, merely shook their heads, murmured something about "a do," and
+returned to their homes; but Edward thought he should find no difficulty
+in coming over the citizens. He accordingly called a meeting in St. Paul's
+Churchyard, when the confirmation was read over, amid cheers, and cries of
+"Hear" at the end of every clause, until the last, when the shouts of
+"Shame!" "No, no!" "It's a dead swindle!" and "Don't you wish you may get
+it?" became truly terrible. Edward retained his usual self-possession
+during the meeting, but expressed, in side speeches to his attendants, his
+fears that the citizens were not such fools as he had taken them for.
+Making a virtue of necessity&mdash;though, by the way, virtues made out of
+that material very seldom appear to fit, but sit very awkwardly on the
+wearer&mdash;he withdrew the offensive clause at a Parliament that was
+held soon after Easter.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward and Philip, finding it convenient to make up their differences,
+threw overboard their respective allies, the French king giving up the
+Scots, and the English sovereign completely sacrificing the poor old Guy
+of Flanders. This earl has got the name of the Unfortunate, but he better
+deserves the title of the soft Guy, the silly Guy, or the Guy that, if
+there happened to be a difficulty within his reach, was sure to blunder
+into it. He had twice been fool enough to accept an invitation from
+Philip, and had twice been detained as a prisoner. We therefore have
+little sympathy with him when we hear of his being deserted by Edward; for
+"the man who" will continually run his head into a noose, must expect to
+find the stringency of the string at some time or another.
+</p>
+<p>
+Peace was made between the French and English kings by means of two
+marriages; but it seems rash to calculate upon matrimony as a source of
+quietude. Edward, who was a widower, married Philip's sister, Margaret,
+and the Prince of Wales was affianced to little Isabella, aged only six
+years, the daughter of the French sovereign. A treaty was concluded
+between the two countries on the 20th of May, 1303, by which Edward took
+Guienne, and gave up Flanders. The unhappy Guy was sent thither to
+negotiate a peace with his own subjects, but, like everything else he
+undertook, the poor old man made a sad mess of it. Returning to Philip
+with the news of his failure, he was committed to prison, which really,
+considering all things, seems to have been the best place for him. He was,
+at all events, out of harm's way, and prevented from doing mischief to
+himself and others by his provoking stupidity. He remained in custody till
+he died, but it was said of him by a contemporary that he was never known
+to "look alive" during the whole of his existence.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward, having settled his dispute with France, had time to turn his
+attention to Scotland, which had always been his "great difficulty," as
+Ireland became the "great difficulty" to England at a later period. The
+English king advanced against the Scotch in a sort of hop-scotch style,
+first making for the North, then returning to the South, or going to the
+East, in a zig-zag direction. The Scots soon surrendered, and were allowed
+to go scot-free, with a very few exceptions. Stirling Castle proved itself
+possessed of sterling qualities. It held out against the besiegers with
+determined obstinacy, and Edward himself came to assist by throwing
+stones, which caused the remark to be made that the king had been brought
+to a very pretty pitch through the audacity of the Scotch rebels. When the
+provisions were exhausted, the garrison made an unprovisional surrender,
+and the governor gave out that he gave in, with all his companions.
+Wallace, having been betrayed into Edward's power, was cruelly murdered;
+but within six months of his death, Liberty, like a new-born infant, was
+in arms once more in Scotland. Robert Bruce, the grandson of old Bruce,
+was the new champion of his native land, and intrusted his scheme to
+Comyn. The latter proved treacherous, and Bruce, seeing what was Comyn, or
+rather, what Comyn was, killed him right off out of the way, in a convent
+at Dumfries. Young Bruce having mustered a party of about a dozen friends,
+took an excursion with them to Scone, where, in the course of a kind of
+picnic party, he was crowned on the 27th of March, 1306, with some
+solemnity. Edward was at Winchester when he heard the news, and, though
+very far from well, he determined on being carried to Scotland. Like John,
+who had been dragged about the country in a horse-box till within a few
+hours of his death, Edward was packed on a litter and conveyed with care
+to Carlisle, whence he wished to be forwarded to Scotland. Making a
+desperate effort, he mounted his horse, and went six miles in four days, a
+pace which could only have been performed by an equestrian prodigy; for
+the slowest animal, unless he were a determined jibber, could scarcely
+have accomplished a task so difficult. * This anything but "rapid act of
+horsemanship" was the last act of Edward's reign, for having got to Burgh
+upon the Sands, he found the sand of his existence had run out, on the 7th
+of July, 1307. He had lived sixty-eight years, and had reigned during half
+that time; so that for him the stream of life had been a sort of half and
+half&mdash;an equal mixture&mdash;crowned by a frothy, foamy diadem. His
+remains were, some short time afterwards, sent to Westminster, <i>via</i>
+Waltham, and were buried on the 8th of October, with those of his father
+Henry.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* It is possible that the horse hired by the king on this
+occasion may have been accustomed to draw a fly, the owner
+of which may have been in the habit of charging by the hour.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The character of Edward has been generally praised, but we are compelled
+to tender a bill of exceptions to the report of previous historians. He
+certainly added to his dominions, but if this is a merit, it may be
+claimed for any man who, by fraud or violence, increases his own property
+at the expense of his neighbours. The improvements effected in his reign
+were rather in spite of him than owing to his sense of justice or his
+liberality. He had the talent of talking people out of their money, but
+this quality he has only shared with many equally accomplished, but less
+exalted, swindlers. His attempt to smuggle a clause into Magna Charta,
+before the face of the citizens, was an act calculated to ruin him in the
+City, where putting one's hand to paper is a proceeding that must not be
+trifled with. His treatment of Wallace proves him to have been a cruel and
+vindictive enemy; his abandonment of the poor Earl of Flanders shows that
+he was an insincere and treacherous friend: he was constant to his
+hatreds, and fickle in his likings: his animosity had the strength of
+fire, but in him the milk of human kindness was greatly diluted with
+water. He made some good laws, such as the statute of mortmain, which was
+first passed in his reign, but so far from there being any truth in the
+proverb, <i>necessitas non habet legem</i>, it is certain that necessity
+produced nearly every good law that Edward gave to his people.
+</p>
+<p>
+In person, he was a head taller than the ordinary size, with black hair
+that curled naturally, and eyes that matched the hair in colour. * His
+legs were too long in proportion to his body, which gained him the
+nickname of Longshanks, though it would have been more respectful to have
+called him Daddy Long-legs, in allusion to his being the father of his
+people.
+</p>
+<p>
+He observed the outward decencies of life, but in this he evinced the
+strength of his hypocrisy rather than the extent of his morality. It may
+be worthy of remark, that the title of baron, which had hitherto been
+common to all gentlemen who held lands of the crown, was in this reign
+restricted to those whom the king called to Parliament. ** During the
+monarchy of Edward, Roger Bacon lived and died; but as we have already
+expressed our antipathy to putting butter upon Bacon, we refrain from any
+eulogy upon that illustrious character.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Rapin, vol. iii., p. 88.
+
+** The last of the Non-Parliamentary barons is the well-
+known Baron Nathan of Kennington. He still claims a seat
+among the Piers of Gravesend and Rosherrille.
+</pre>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0017" id="link2HCH0017"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE THIRD. EDWARD THE SECOND, SURNAMED OF CAERNARVON.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0069" id="linkimage-0069"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/177m.jpg" alt="177m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/177.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+DWARD the Second was, in common phraseology, a very nice young man when
+he came to the throne, being twenty-three years of age, and tolerably
+good-looking, though he turned out eventually, according to one of the
+chroniclers of the times, "a very ugly customer." His first step on coming
+to the throne was to send for a scamp named Piers Gaveston, a Gascon youth
+who was full of gasconade, and had been sent out of England by the late
+king as an improper character. Young Edward, who had been much attached to
+this early specimen of the gent., recalled Piers Gaveston, and made him a
+nobleman by creating him Duke of Cornwall, but never succeeded in making
+him a gentleman. This step was in direct violation of a solemn promise to
+Edward the First, who had warned his son against Gaveston, as a bad young
+man and by no means a desirable acquaintance for an English sovereign.
+Directly Piers arrived, he and his young master began to play all sorts of
+tricks and, by way of change, dismissed the Chancellor, the Treasurer, the
+Barons of the Exchequer, and all the Judges. The whole of the judicial
+staff of the kingdom being thrown out of employ, a panic was created in
+all the courts, and some of their lordships, being unable to meet the
+demands upon them, were compelled to go to prison. Many were stripped of
+all their property by the king, at the instigation of Gaveston, and the
+Chancellor not only lost the seals, but nis watch, and a number of other
+articles of value. Edward and his friend were determined to pay off those
+who had been instrumental to the latter's disgrace, ana among others,
+Langton, the Bishop of Lichfield, was put into solitary confinement, no
+one being allowed to speak to him, so that the unfortunate Lichfield found
+him-self literally sent to Coventry. Gaveston, who was a dashing young
+spark, nearly sent England in a blaze by his return, for he was very far
+from popular. He could dance and sing, was passionately fond of bagatelle,
+and as to wine, when he took it into his head he could always drink his
+bottle.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward went over to Boulogne, in January, 1308, to get married to
+Isabella, the daughter of the king of France, and left Gaveston regent of
+the kingdom. His majesty soon got tired of a French watering-place, and
+returned to England for his coronation, which took place on the 24th of
+February, at Westminster. All the honours were showered upon Gaveston, and
+instead of giving the perquisites to the proper officers, the king handed
+them over, one by one, to the favourite. "Put that in your pocket, Piers,
+my boy," exclaimed Edward, as he transferred to his disreputable friend
+each article that some officer of state was entitled to. The English
+nobility, as they saw everything passing into the hands of the Gascon,
+could only murmur to each other, "What a shame!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"That's mine, by rights!" and "Well, I never! Did you ever?" But the
+Bishop of Winchester gave his majesty a dose, by mixing up a pretty strong
+oath and making him swallow every word of it. He undertook of course to
+confirm the Charter, which really becomes quite a bore to the historian,
+who cannot help feeling something of the satiety induced by <i>toujours
+perdrix</i>, and he draws the humiliating conclusion that his countrymen,
+having got hold of a good thing, never knew when they had had enough of
+it. Gaveston's conduct became so overbearing, that a regular British cry
+of "Turn him out!" resounded from one end of the kingdom to the other.
+Englishmen seldom do things by halves, and having once raised a shout,
+they did not desist from it, but to the howl of "Turn him out," they added
+a demand for the sovereign to "Throw him over!" With this requisition
+Edward reluctantly complied, and Gaveston was expelled from England; but
+only to be made Governor of Ireland, until the king could get the
+permission of the barons to allow the favourite to come back again. This,
+with their usual imbecility, they speedily agreed to, and Piers soon
+returned to the court, which he filled with buffoons and parasites. Any
+mountebank who could make a fool of himself was sure of an engagement at
+the palace. The king's horse-collars were worn out with being grinned
+through, and the family circle of royalty was never without a clown to the
+ring, under the management of Piers Gaveston. The favourite himself became
+so arrogant that he would dress himself up in the royal jewels, * wearing
+the crown instead of his own hat, and turning the sceptre into a
+walking-stick.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* <i>Il joignoit � cela une vanit� ridicule, en effectant de
+porter sur sa personne les joyaux du Roi et del� couronne me
+me</i>.&mdash;Rapin, vol. iii., p. 94.
+</pre>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0070" id="linkimage-0070"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/179m.jpg" alt="179m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/179.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Edward, being in want of supplies, called a Parliament in 1309, but the
+Parliament would not come, which caused him to call again; and the more he
+kept on calling the more they kept on not coming, until the month of
+March, 1310, when they came in arms, for they were determined no longer to
+submit to Gaveston's insolence. He had offended their order by giving them
+all sorts of nicknames, which are less remarkable for their wit than their
+coarseness. He called the Earl of Lancaster an old hog, or, perhaps, a
+dreadful bore; to Warwick he gave the name of the Black Dog, in reply,
+perhaps, to an insinuation that he, Gaveston, was a puppy; and the Earl of
+Pembroke was alliteratively alluded to as "Joe the Jew," * by the abusive
+but not very facetious favourite.
+</p>
+<p>
+In August, 1311, Edward met the barons at Westminster. Their lordships
+would seem to have all got out of bed on the wrong side on the morning of
+the assembly, for their surliness and ill-temper were utterly
+unparalleled. They prepared forty-one articles, to which they insisted on
+having the consent of his majesty. Of course, in the catalogue of claims
+our old friend Magna Charta was not forgotten. This glorious instrument of
+our early liberties, was once more touched up, and a new clause
+introduced, which imparted freshness to the document. It provided "that
+the king should hold a Parliament once a year, or twice if need be," as if
+the barons had been impressed with the idea that "the more the merrier"
+was a sound maxim of politics. The banishment of Gaveston was, however,
+the grand desideratum, and this was at length consented to by Edward, who
+on the 1st of November, 1311, took leave of the favourite. His majesty
+retired to York, but soon began to ask himself&mdash;"What's this dull
+town to me?" in the absence of Piers, who, in less than two months, was
+again sharing the dissipations of his sovereign. The royal party had gone
+for a change to Newcastle, when the cry of "somebody coming" disturbed the
+revels of the king and his courtiers. This unwelcome "somebody" was no
+less a personage than Edward's cousin, the Earl of Lancaster, who had
+arrived with a few barons for the purpose of, as they said, "giving it" to
+Gaveston. The king and the favourite escaped from Newcastle in a ship&mdash;probably
+a collier&mdash;but the sovereign was heartless enough to leave his wife
+behind him with the utmost indifference. It was <i>sauve qui peut</i> with
+the whole court, and the queen was lost in the general scamper. The
+favourite, after running as hard as he could, threw himself, quite out of
+breath, into Scarborough Castle, which was strong in everything but
+eatables, for the supply of provisions was perfectly contemptible. Piers
+Gaveston, who had never been accustomed to short commons, went to the
+window of the castle, and calling out to the Earl of Pembroke, who was
+waiting outside, proposed to capitulate. "Can we come to any terms?" cried
+Piers; but the earl would at first hear of nothing short of an
+unconditional surrender.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0071" id="linkimage-0071"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/181m.jpg" alt="181m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/181.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+After some parleying, Pembroke exclaimed, "I'll tell you what I'll do for
+you. If you choose to place yourself in my hands, I'll promise to take you
+to your own castle at Wallingford."
+</p>
+<p>
+"You're not joking?" cried Gaveston, as he looked through the rusty bars
+of the fortress. "Honour bright," was the substance of the earl's reply,
+and Piers put himself at once into the hands of Pembroke. It was arranged
+that the king should meet the favourite at Wallingford; but one morning,
+on the road, he was ordered out of bed at an unusually early hour, when
+whom should he see, upon going downstairs, but the grim Earl of Warwick!
+Gaveston began to feel that it was all up with him. Putting him on a mule,
+they conveyed him to Warwick Castle, where a hurried council was got up&mdash;the
+Duke of Lancaster in the chair&mdash;for his trial. He was, of course,
+condemned, when he threw himself for pardon at the feet of Lancaster, who
+kicked him aside, and all the rest gave him a lesson on the Lancastrian
+system by a similar indignity. A proposition was made in the body of the
+hall to spare his life, but somebody exclaimed that "Gaveston had been the
+cause of all their difficulties, and that, when a difficulty came in the
+way, the best plan was to break the neck of it." The stem justice of this
+remark was instantly acknowledged, and amid savage cries of "Bring him
+along!" they dragged the favourite off to Blacklow Hill, where, by
+removing his head from his shoulders, they made what may be called short
+work of him. Upon hearing the news, the king cried for grief and then
+cried for vengeance. After reconciling himself to his loss, he reconciled
+himself to the barons, and the double reconciliation was greatly assisted
+by the barons having given up to him (a.d. 1313) the plate and jewels of
+the deceased favourite.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward, on looking round him, found that the "Scots whom Bruce had often
+led" were making considerable progress. The English king at once ordered
+an army to meet him at Berwick, and by a given day one hundred thousand
+men had assembled. Bruce had got scarcely forty thousand, so that the
+chances were more than two to one against him. He took them into a field
+near Bannockburn, and spread them out so as to make the very most of them.
+On Sunday, the 23rd of June, 1314, Edward and his army came in sight.
+After some desultory fighting, the monotony of the day's proceedings was
+relieved by a somewhat curious incident. Bruce, who seems to have been
+rather eccentric in his turn-out, was riding on a little bit of a pony,
+quite under the duty imposed upon it, in front of his troops. He wore upon
+his head a skullcap, over that a steel helmet, and over that a crown of
+gold, while in his hand he carried an enormous battle-axe. He and his
+Shetland were frisking about, when an English knight, one Henry de Bohun,
+or Boone, came galloping down, armed at all points, upon a magnificent
+British dray-horse. Bruce, instead of getting out of the way, entered into
+the unequal combat amid cries of "Go it, Bob!" from his own followers. He
+instantly fell upon and felled to the earth the English knight, amid the
+acclamations of the surrounding soldiers. The battle was very vigorously
+fought on both sides, and victory seemed doubtful, when suddenly there
+appeared on a hill, at the back of the Scotch, an immense crowd that
+looked like a new army. The group, in reality, consisted of nothing but a
+mob of suttlers and camp-followers, who had been kept back by Bruce to
+look like a tremendous reserve, and who might be called the heavy
+scarecrows of the Scotch army. The plan succeeded admirably, for although
+the English did not receive a single blow, they were completely
+panic-struck, which had the same effect as the severest beating. They fled
+in all directions, with the Scotch in hot pursuit; and it is said that
+Edward himself had to run for it as far as Dunbar, a distance of sixty
+miles, with the enemy after him.
+</p>
+<p>
+According to the Scotch historians, the results of this victory were truly
+marvellous, for the number of prisoners alleged to have been taken is
+actually greater than the number of the combatants. The chariots and
+waggons, it is also said, would have extended for many leagues, if drawn
+up into a line; but this is merely one of those lengths which are too
+frequently gone to by the old chroniclers. Though it is impossible that
+the Scotch could have killed fifty thousand, and made double the number of
+prisoners out of one hundred thousand men (unless they manufactured fifty
+thousand additional foes as readily as Vauxhall can put forth its fifty
+thousand additional lamps), it is, nevertheless, certain that on this
+occasion England experienced the severest defeat it had encountered since
+the establishment of the monarchy. Such was the effect created by the
+battle of Bannockburn, that for some time after three Scotchmen were
+considered equivalent to a hundred Englishmen. There is every reason to
+believe that the Scotch were exceedingly vigorous in coming to the scratch
+at that early period.
+</p>
+<p>
+Encouraged by the success of his brother Robert in Scotland, Edward Bruce
+thought that the crown of Ireland was a little matter that would just suit
+him, and he accordingly passed over to the Green Isle, in the hope of
+finding it green enough to accept him as its sovereign. He was, for a
+time, successful in his project, and was actually crowned at Carrickfergus
+on the 2nd of May, 1316. But after knocking about the country, and being
+knocked about in the country, for a year and a half, he got a decisive
+blow from the English on the 5th of October, 1318, at Fagher, near
+Dundalk. Though he had landed in Ireland with only five hundred Scotchmen,
+he was left dead in the field with two thousand of his fellow-countrymen.
+He had been joined, no doubt, by several after his first arrival, but if
+he had not, it would have been all the same to the chroniclers, who would
+not have scrupled to kill the same individuals four times over to make a
+total sufficiently imposing for historical purposes. The historians would
+have been invaluable to a minister of finance, for they could always
+create an enormous surplus out of a vast deficiency.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Scotch continued their successes until a truce was agreed upon for two
+years, and thus Edward had leisure to look after domestic affairs, which
+had been fearfully neglected. Since the death of Gaveston, the royal
+favourite, there had been just room for one in the not very capacious
+heart of the English sovereign. A certain Hugh Spencer had been introduced
+to the court by the barons, as a sort of page, to act as a spy upon the
+king, and it is a curious fact, that the spencer, or jacket, has been the
+characteristic of the page from that time to the present. Hugh Spencer had
+a shrewd father, who advised his son to care no more for the barons, who
+had got him his place, but to work it to his own advantage, and make the
+most of the perquisites.
+</p>
+<p>
+Young Hugh, taking the parental hint, determined on booking himself for
+the inside place in Edward's heart, which has been already alluded to as
+vacant. Not only did he succeed in his design, but contrived to take up
+his old father, and carry him along as a sort of outside passenger. Riches
+and promotion were showered on the Spencers, who adopted a coat of arms,
+and made themselves Despencers, by prefixing the syllable <i>de</i>, which
+can impart a particle of aristocracy to the most plebeian of patronymics.
+The Despencers had obtained such influence over the king that he allowed
+them to do as they pleased; and as they took all the good things to
+themselves, the nobles&mdash;who were getting nothing&mdash;began to
+evince considerable anxiety for the public interest.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Earl of Lancaster, a prince of the blood, felt his order insulted by
+the promotion of the two plebeians, and he one day energetically
+exclaimed, "that Spencers could not have anything in tail, though the king
+might try to fasten it on to them." Lancaster marched upon London, and
+pitched his tent in Holborn, among the hills that abound in that locality.
+He gave out jocularly, that "he had come to baste a couple of Spencers, by
+trimming their jackets," but he was saved the trouble by a Parliament,
+which met armed at Westminster, and passed on the two Despencers a
+sentence of banishment.
+</p>
+<p>
+They were accordingly exiled in August, but came back in October,
+presenting an instance of a quick return without the smallest profit.
+Lancaster retired to the north, and was met at Boroughbridge by Sir Simon
+Ward and Sir Andrew Barclay, a couple of stout English knights, who
+stopped up the passage. Lancaster endeavoured to swim across the river,
+but the tide had turned against him, and he was taken prisoner. The
+unfortunate earl having been tried, was condemned to an ignominious death,
+and the mob were allowed to pelt him with mud on his way to execution,&mdash;a
+privilege of which a generous public took the fullest advantage.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward had now to encounter opposition from a new quarter, or rather from
+two quarters, for his better half, Isabella, the sister of Charles le Bel,
+was now plotting against him. She left him under the pretence of going to
+settle some business for him in France, and then refused to return to him.
+Some ambassadors volunteered to bring her back, but the ambassadors never
+came back themselves, for they had been in league with the queen, and only
+wanted an opportunity of joining her.
+</p>
+<p>
+Their conduct brings to mind the anecdote of a scene that once passed in
+the shop of a shoemaker. A stranger had tried on a pair of shoes, and
+another stranger had been trying on a pair of boots at the same moment.
+Suddenly the shoes decamped without payment, when the boots standing upon
+their professed swiftness, offered to go in pursuit of the unprincipled
+shoes; and as neither shoes nor boots were ever seen again by the
+tradesman, it is probable that the "false fleeting perjured Clarences" are
+still being pursued by the immortal Wellingtons. Thus the Earl of Kent,
+the king's own brother, the Earl of Richmond, his cousin, and others, who
+had undertaken to go after the queen to bring her back, remained with her,
+until she returned as an enemy to her own husband. Edward was now
+compelled to run away in his turn from his angry wife; and rather than
+encounter the fury of a domestic storm, he got into a ship with young
+Despencer, to brave the elements. Old Despencer was taken and hanged,
+without the ceremony of a trial.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Prince of Wales was appointed guardian of the kingdom on account of
+the absence of his father, who had been regularly advertised, but had
+declined to come forward lest he should hear of something to his
+disadvantage. Having been tossed about upon the waves for several days, he
+came ashore on the coast of Wales, and hid himself for some weeks, with
+young Despencer and another, in the mountains of Glamorganshire. His two
+companions were one day startled by a cry of "We've got you!" and were
+instantly seized, upon which, Edward exclaiming, "It's no use: you've got
+the two birds in the hand, and may as well have the one in the bush,"
+rolled out of a hedge and gave himself up to his pursuers.
+</p>
+<p>
+Young Despencer was taken to Hereford, and hanged at once, upon a gallows
+fifty feet high; but why severity was carried to such a height is a
+question we have no means of answering. It has been brutally said by an
+annotator that the culprit had been accustomed to the high ropes during
+his life, and it was therefore determined that they should accompany him
+even to the gibbet.
+</p>
+<p>
+The king was sent in custody to Kenilworth Castle, and Parliament met on
+the 7th of January, 1327, to consider what should be done with him. His
+deposition was a preliminary step; for it was the custom in those days to
+punish first and try the culprit afterwards. It was determined to place
+his son upon the throne in his stead, and on the 20th of January, 1327, a
+deputation went to Kenilworth to receive his abdication, if he liked to
+give it, or take it by force if he should prove refractory. The king,
+seeing Sir William Trussel, the Speaker, at the head of his enemies,
+observed calmly, but sadly, "Alas! the Trussel I depended upon for support
+has joined in dropping me." He renounced the regal dignity, and on the
+24th of January, Edward the Third was proclaimed king, and crowned on the
+29th at Westminster.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0072" id="linkimage-0072"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figright" style="width:30%;">
+<img src="images/186m.jpg" alt="186m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/186.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+This proceeding is on many accounts remarkable, and of the utmost value,
+as settling a point of constitutional practice, which had never before
+been recognised. It established a precedent for dissolving under
+extraordinary circumstances the compact between the king and the people.
+It negatived the alleged "right divine of kings to govern wrong," and
+proved that it was not always necessary to take violent means for ridding
+a country of a tyrant. It showed that the crown might be removed from the
+head without taking off the head and all, which had been hitherto the
+recognised mode of effecting a transfer of the royal diadem.
+</p>
+<p>
+The unhappy Edward was kept for a time at Kenilworth; but ultimately by
+command of Lord Mortimer, who had entire influence over the queen, the
+deposed king was removed to Berkeley Castle. Here it is believed he was
+most cruelly murdered, though it was given out by his keepers that his
+death was perfectly natural. He died on the 21st of September, 1327, in
+the forty-third year of his age, and the nineteenth of his reign. No
+inquiry took place, and although no coroner's inquest was held, "Wilful
+Murder against some person or persons unknown" is the almost unanimous
+verdict of posterity.
+</p>
+<p>
+The character of this king has been said to have been chiefly disfigured
+by feebleness of judgment, which prevented him from knowing what was good
+for him. He managed, nevertheless, to find out what was bad for his
+subjects, and he was never at a loss to secure the means of enjoyment for
+himself and his favourites, at the expense of his people.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the reign of Edward the Second the order of Knights Templars was
+abolished, a circumstance which arose from the king of France being short
+of cash, and casting a longing eye upon the rich possessions of the order.
+In France they were put to the torture to force them into confessions of
+crimes they had never committed; but in England the same effect was
+produced by imprisonment; for instruments of cruelty were never recognised
+by English laws, or encouraged as articles of British manufacture. The
+Archbishop of York finding nothing of the kind in the country, wished to
+send abroad for a pattern, * but it must be spoken to the credit of our
+ancestors, that though, in a pecuniary sense, they were famous for
+applying the screw, the thumb-screw was never popular.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* <i>Vide</i> Rapin, vol. iii., p. 95, and also a Note in Lingard
+</pre>
+<p>
+Rapin mentions among the great events of this reign, a tremendous
+earthquake, but it can have been no great shakes, for we do not find any
+details of its destructive effects in the old chronicles. It occurred on
+the 14th of November, 1320, to the unspeakable terror of all classes; but
+it did not swallow up half as much as is swallowed up annually on the 9th
+of November at the Mansion House in London.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0018" id="link2HCH0018"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE FOURTH. EDWARD THE THIRD.
+</h2>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>HE young king did not upon his father's death come to the throne, for he
+had taken his seat upon the imperial cushion eight months before the
+decease of his by no means lamented parent. Mortimer had caused a medal to
+be struck in celebration of the accession of Edward the Third, in which he
+was represented receiving the crown, with the motto, "<i>Non rapit sed
+recipit</i>," which we need scarcely translate into "He did not snatch it,
+but got it honestly." * A council of regency was appointed, to which
+Mortimer, with affected modesty, declined to belong, but he and the queen
+did as they pleased with the affairs of government. Her majesty got an
+enormous grant to pay her debts, but knowing the extravagant and dishonest
+character of the woman, we have reason to believe that she pocketed the
+money and never satisfied the demands of her creditors. She obtained,
+also, an allowance of twenty thousand a year, which was better than
+two-thirds of the revenues of the crown; so that a paltry
+six-and-eightpence in the pound was the utmost that young Edward could
+have to live upon. The Earl of Lancaster was appointed guardian, and began
+doing the best for himself, after the approved fashion of the period. The
+attainders against the great Earl of Lancaster were of course reversed,
+and the confiscation of the estates of the Despencer, afforded some very
+pretty pickings to the party that was now dominant.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* It  is a curious fact that Mortimer should bare been in
+the medal line, a business in which his namesake of the
+house of Store and Mortimer has since become so illustrious.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Though the king was too young to govern, his admirers persuaded him that
+he was quite old enough to fight, and he was recommended to try his hand
+against Bruce, who was getting old; so that, in the language of the ring,
+the British pet was not very ill matched against the Scottish veteran. The
+Caledonian Slasher, as Bruce might justly have been called, had broken the
+truce agreed upon with Edward the Second, and had sent an army into
+Yorkshire, which plundered as it went every town and village. The stealing
+of sheep and oxen was carried on to such an extent by the Scotch troops
+that their camp resembled Smithfield market, or a prize cattle show. Sixty
+thousand men gathered round the standard of Edward, but the foreign and
+native troops quarrelled with such fury among themselves that they had
+little energy left to be expended on the enemy. Fortunately for the
+English king the vastness of his army made up for its want of discipline.
+Bruce, directly he saw the foe, waited only to take their number, and
+retired with the utmost rapidity, amusing himself with the Scotch
+favourite Burns, by setting fire to all the villages.
+</p>
+<p>
+The English, instead of following the enemy, waited a night upon the road
+for some provisions expected by the Parcels Delivery, which had been
+delayed by some accident. The Scotch were thus allowed to get ahead, and
+Edward sent a crier through his camp, offering a hundred a year with the
+honour of knighthood, to anyone who would apprise him of the place where
+he should find the opposing army. Thomas of Rokeby, so called from his
+habit of rokeing about, was successful in the search, and came galloping
+into the English camp with a loud cry of Eureka, and a demand of "money
+down," with knighthood on the spot, before he divulged his secret. "You're
+very particular, sir," said Edward, flinging him a purse, containing his
+annuity for the first year, and dubbing him a knight by a blow on the head
+from the flat of the sword, administered with unusual vehemence.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0073" id="linkimage-0073"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/188m.jpg" alt="188m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/188.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Thomas of Rokeby having pocketed the money, and secured the dignity,
+pointed to a hill three leagues off, observing, "There they are!" an
+observation which caused a general exclamation of "Well, it's very funny!
+To think that they should have been so near us all the while and we not
+aware of it!" The English having made for the spot, sent a challenge,
+inviting the Scotch to meet them in a fair open field, but the proposition
+was declined, with thanks and compliments. The English, on the return of
+the herald, went to sleep, for the presence of the herald always had a
+soporiferous influence. Edward was exceedingly severe upon the occasion,
+and commented upon the herald's news, which the king declared was always
+most unsatisfactory. For three days and three nights, the English lay by
+the side of the river, having been thrown by the herald into a state of
+dreamy inactivity. At length, on the fourth day, they woke from their
+transient trance, when they found that the Scotch had once more changed
+their position. Edward moved higher up, keeping opposite to the foe, and
+the two armies lay facing each other for eighteen days and nights, like
+two great cowardly boys, both afraid of "coming on," but each assuming a
+menacing attitude. There is every reason to believe that the herald had
+mesmerised the whole of the English troops, for they allowed the Scotch to
+go away in the dead of the night for want of proper vigilance. The
+probability, however, is that both armies were illustrating the proverb,
+that "none are so blind an those who won't see," and that their aversion
+to "come on," was mutual.
+</p>
+<p>
+A truce was concluded, and Edward, according to Froissart, returned "right
+pensive" to London; but his "right pensiveness" may have been accounted
+for by the fact that he was on the eve of marriage. His mother had, during
+her visit to the Continent, arranged to wed him to Philippa of Hainault, a
+lady who, to judge from her portrait on her tomb in Westminster Abbey, was
+one of those monsters commonly called a "fine woman." This fineness in the
+female form consists of excessive coarseness, which is better adapted to
+the laundry than the domestic circle. She, however, made Edward an
+excellent better half&mdash;or perhaps a better two-thirds is a more
+suitable term to indicate the relative proportions of the royal couple.
+She was brought to London by her uncle John, surnamed of Hainault, and, it
+being Christmas-time, she was taken out to enjoy all the amusements of the
+festive season. Jousts and tournaments, balls and dinnerparties, were
+given in her honour during her stay in town; and on the 24th of January,
+1328, the nuptial ceremony was performed with great solemnity.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward being now married, was desirous of avoiding that roving life which
+the constant pursuit of Bruce had rendered necessary. The English king
+thought it better to settle down into the domestic habits of a family man,
+which was impossible as long as he was compelled to be out all night,
+watching the foe and bivouacking with his soldiers. Bruce, who had grown
+old and gouty, was also eager for peace, which was concluded on the
+condition of his little boy, David, aged five, being married to Edward's
+little sister Joanna, aged seven. The English king gave up all claim to
+the sovereignty of Scotland, causing even the insignia of Scotch royalty
+to be carefully packed and forwarded to Bruce, who, on opening the parcel,
+was delighted to find himself in possession of the crown and sceptre of
+his predecessors. He did not, however, get quite the best of the bargain,
+for he undertook to pay thirty thousand marks into Edward's court as
+compensation, in the form of liquidated damages, for the mischief that the
+Scotch invaders had committed. Bruce had obtained a sort of letter of
+licence, allowing him to take three years for the payment of the sum
+agreed upon. A more formidable creditor, however, took him in execution,
+for he was called upon to pay the debt of nature within the ensuing
+twelvemonth. Mortimer, who had advised the peace with Scotland, which was
+by no means popular, got himself created Earl of March, for it is the
+policy of crafty politicians to obtain rewards for their most
+objectionable measures.
+</p>
+<p>
+It will be remembered that the Earl of Lancaster had been appointed
+guardian of the young king, but no scapegrace in a comedy ever made such
+an undutiful ward as the youthful Edward. He remained with his mother and
+Mortimer, the latter of whom was particularly distasteful to Lancaster,
+who endeavoured to get up a party to oppose the favourite. This
+association was joined by the Earls of Kent and Norfolk, two of the king's
+uncles, as well as by some other gentlemen, who set forth in an
+advertisement the reason of their having combined. The statement of
+grievances was drawn up with the usual tact of red-hot patriots, who
+always put down a few impossibilities in the list of things to be
+achieved, for the impracticability of their objects prevents their trade
+from being suddenly brought to a dead stand-still. There were eight
+articles in the Lancastrian manifesto, which chiefly aimed at Mortimer and
+the queen, who soon persuaded Edward that the real object of the
+advertisers was to deprive him of his crown. "I thought you were the
+parties pointed at," said the young king to his mother and her paramour;
+but the latter merely observing, "My dear fellow, they mean you, as sure
+as my name's Mortimer," soon taught Edward to believe that he was the
+object of the hostility of the rebellious nobles. Preparations were being
+made to chastise them, when Kent and Norfolk abandoned Lancaster, who
+justly complained of having been trifled with. The humiliated and
+humbugged Lancaster was glad to accept a pardon, and pay down a
+considerable sum towards the expenses which had been incurred in preparing
+for his own discomfiture. Mortimer did not forgive the parties who had
+contemplated his overthrow, but formed a determination to get hold of them
+when a good opportunity offered.
+</p>
+<p>
+He received a number of anonymous letters, informing him that his brother,
+the late king, was alive in Corfe Castle. "Pooh, pooh," said Kent to
+himself, as he perused the first three or four epistles; "I'm not quite
+such a fool as to be taken in upon that point. I'm not going to believe my
+brother is alive, when I happen to have been present as chief mourner at
+his funeral." Every post, however, brought such a pile of correspondence
+upon the subject that he first began to believe that half of what he was
+told might possibly be true; and when credulity admits one half of a
+story, the other half soon forces an entrance. Kent's anonymous
+correspondents, not content with declaring the late king to be alive, gave
+the circumstantiality to their statement which is generally resorted to in
+the absence of truth, and indicated Corfe Castle as the place where the
+second Edward was "hanging out" at that very moment. The credulous Kent,
+being in doubt as to the fate of his brother, wrote at once to ask him
+whether he was really dead or alive, saying to himself, as he put the
+epistle into the post, "There! I've written to him now, and so we shall
+soon settle that question one way or the other."
+</p>
+<p>
+The party being deceased, the letter came back to the dead-letter office,
+and fell into the clutches of Mortimer. Everything was done to humour the
+delusion of poor Kent, who, having been told that his brother was confined
+in Corfe Castle, sent a confidential messenger to make inquiries in the
+neighbourhood. It is even said that a sort of optical illusion, a
+jack-o'-lantern, or phantasmagoria, or dissolving-view, had been resorted
+to, for the purpose of showing a representation of Edward the Second
+sitting in Corfe Castle at his luncheon, * with a waiter or two in
+attendance, as a mark of respect to the unhappy sovereign.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Rapin, tom. iii., p. 152.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The messenger returned with the news to Edmund, who determined to use his
+own eyes, by going to Corfe Castle and judging for himself. When he
+arrived and saw the governor, that wily official pretended to be much
+surprised at the secret having been divulged. He did not deny that Edward
+was at the castle, but merely remarked that the captive could not be seen.
+"At all events, you can give him this letter," said Edmund, putting into
+the governor's hands a <i>douceur</i> and a communication directed to the
+deceased monarch, offering to aid him in his escape from captivity.
+</p>
+<p>
+The governor took the <i>billet</i> to the queen, and Edmund was arrested
+on a charge of endeavouring to raise a deceased individual to the throne.
+Poor Kent was put upon his trial, and his own letter having been produced,
+with witnesses to prove his handwriting, the case against him was
+complete. The whole proceeding was disposed of with the rapidity of an
+undefended cause; speedy execution was asked for and granted, but the
+headsman was nowhere to be found, though persons were sent to look for him
+all over Winchester. A delay of four hours was occasioned, and the
+generous British public began to expect that they should lose the
+spectacle they had assembled to witness, when a convicted felon came
+forward in the handsomest manner, at a moment's notice, to prevent
+disappointment, by undertaking the part of headsman. Thus, at the early
+age of twenty-eight, perished Prince Edmund, on the charge of having
+sought to put a sceptre in the hands of a spectre, and raise a phantom to
+the throne. He left two sons and two daughters, one of whom was a beauty
+whom we will not attempt to paint, for our inkstand is not a rouge-pot,
+and if it were we should be sorry to apply its contents to so fair a
+countenance. She married eventually the eldest son of Edward the Third,
+who became so celebrated as the Black Prince, and who was born at about
+the period (1330) to which our history has arrived. The king finding
+himself a father, determined to be no longer a child in the hands of a
+tyrannical mother, and he longed for some assistance from his subjects, to
+enable him to throw off the maternal yoke as soon as possible.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward at last opened his mind&mdash;a very small recess&mdash;to Lord
+Montacute. A Parliament was being held at Nottingham, where Mortimer and
+the queen had lodgings in the castle, while the bishops and barons took
+apartments in the town and suburbs. How to get hold of Mortimer was the
+great difficulty, for Queen Isabella had the keys of the castle brought up
+to her every evening, and placed at her bedside. * Her majesty had gone
+round as usual to see everything safe, and all the candles out; but of
+course, like other sagacious people, who examine minutely the fastenings
+of the doors, she never gave a thought to the cellars. Through one of
+these the governor (who, like all the great officers of that period&mdash;the
+founders of our illustrious families&mdash;was a sneaking knave, ready to
+do anything for money) admitted Montacute and his followers. They crawled
+along a dark passage, at the end of which they were met by Edward, who
+conducted them up a staircase into a room adjoining his mother's chamber.
+The queen had gone to bed, but Mortimer, the Bishop of Lincoln, and one or
+two others, were sitting&mdash;probably over their grog&mdash;in an
+apartment close at hand. Their language had all the earnestness that might
+be expected from the time of night, and the manner in which they were
+occupied. They were, in fact, all talking at once, when Montacute and
+party rushed in, knocking down two knights * who sat near the door, and
+seized Mortimer, in spite of the entreaties of Isabella, who ran screaming
+out of bed on hearing the noise and confusion.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Homing, Knyght, Holinshed.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The favourite was dragged off to the nearest station-house, and Edward
+issued a proclamation the next morning, announcing his intention to try
+his own hand at government forthwith. A Parliament met at Westminster on
+the 26th of November, 1330, by which Mortimer was tried and condemned,
+though a short time before he enjoyed the command of a large majority. The
+favourite had, however, fallen into disgrace, and the old proverb, "Give a
+dog a bad name and hang him," was literally realised.
+</p>
+<p>
+After the death of Mortimer, Queen Isabella was shut up in a place called
+the Castle of Risings, on a pension of three thousand a year, according to
+one historian, four thousand according to others, while Rapin
+unceremoniously cuts her down to the paltry pittance of five hundred per
+annum. It is probable that the last named sum is the nearest the mark, for
+all agree in saying that "she lived a miserable monument of blighted
+ambition," and it is obvious that a miserable monument would not require
+an outlay of three or four thousand a year to keep it in condition during
+an existence of rather better than a quarter of a century.
+</p>
+<p>
+Though Edward had agreed to a truce with the Scotch, he did not scruple to
+take a favourable opportunity of breaking it. Though his sister was
+married to little Master David Bruce, the nominal king, Edward did not
+hesitate to turn that young gentleman off the throne, to make way for his
+creature, Edward Baliol. Young David was sent to France, while Baliol kept
+up a kind of semblance of royalty, but his rebellious subjects took every
+opportunity, when the backs of the English were turned, to fall upon and
+baste the bewildered Baliol. Edward was soon compelled to leave his vassal
+to get on as he could, for the entire throne of France appeared to be open
+to the ambition of the English sovereign. The French crown seemed to be
+"open to all parties and influenced by none," when Edward of England and
+Philip of Valois became candidates for the vacancy. The former claimed as
+grandson of Philip the Fourth, the latter as grandson of Philip the Third,
+and each party endeavoured to complicate the matter as much as he could by
+producing a number of perplexing and unintelligible pedigrees. Philip
+claimed through his grandfather, who was thought to be a sure card for the
+French king to depend upon; but Edward tried to play something stronger,
+in the shape of what he affectionately called that "fine old trump his
+mother." She, however, was objected to as a female, and the question was,
+to save further trouble, referred to the arbitration of the peers and
+judges of France, and was decided in favour of Edward's opponent. The
+English king declared the French judges were no judges at all, and refused
+to be bound by the award; for it was the royal practice of those days to
+abide by an agreement only so long as might be convenient.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward having appointed the Earl of Brabant his agent, coolly demanded,
+through that individual, the French crown. The English seconded their
+sovereign in his preposterous request, and he took advantage of their
+acquiescence to squeeze out of them all he could in the shape of
+subsidies, tallages, and forced loans. He raised money by the most
+disgraceful means, and even pawned the crown with the Archbishop of
+Treves, who after trying the purity of the gold with the usual test,
+unpicking the velvet cap, to examine the setting of the jewels, and
+submitting it to as many indignities as a hat in the hands of an old
+clothesman, consented to lend about one tenth of its value on the degraded
+diadem.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0074" id="linkimage-0074"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/193m.jpg" alt="193m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/193.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The conversation between the parties, though it has not been authentically
+handed down by the chroniclers, may be very easily imagined. It is
+probable that Edward, forgetting the dignity of the king in the meanness
+of the borrower, may have familiarly asked the Archbishop to "make it a
+trifle more" than the sum at first offered. It may be presumed that the
+greedy ecclesiastic would have objected that the crown had been very
+ill-used; that it got badly treated in the time of John, and that even
+Edward himself had had a good deal of hard wear out of it, which had
+rubbed off very much of its pristine brilliancy. But it was not to the
+comparatively honest expedient of pawning his own property that the king
+had recourse, for replenishing his exhausted treasury. When he had got all
+he could by pledging his own honours, and deposited the sceptre and single
+ball at the sign of the three, he began the old royal trick of plundering
+his people.
+</p>
+<p>
+From the inhabitants of Cornwall Edward took nearly all their tin, and
+every part of England allowed itself to be fleeced for the purpose of
+affording one man the means of attempting to gratify his ambition at the
+expense of an entire people. The money thus obtained was devoted to the
+payment of foreign mercenaries, so that he robbed his own subjects for the
+double purpose of corruption and usurpation. To enable him to oppress the
+French, he bribed the Germans with money obtained by plundering the
+English.
+</p>
+<p>
+He sailed on the 15th of July, 1338, with an army rather more select than
+numerous, and landed at Antwerp, where he had secured himself a friendly
+reception by sending emissaries before him to marshal the peasantry into
+enthusiastic groups, and "get up" the spectacle without regard to outlay.
+The burghers were called to numerous rehearsals before the appointed day,
+and on the arrival of the English king they were tolerably perfect in the
+parts assigned to them.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward engaged a few foreign potentates&mdash;principally small Germans&mdash;to
+aid him in his audacious enterprise. Louis of Bavaria, Emperor of Germany,
+came to terms; the Dukes of Brabant and Gueldres did not refuse his money;
+the Archbishop of Cologne consented to add a few pounds to his salary;
+while the Marquis of Juliers, and the Counts of Hainault and Namur, jumped
+at a moderate stipend for their services. Every adventurer who was to be
+had cheap, found instant employment, and James von Artaveldt, a brewer of
+Ghent, the Barclay or Perkins of his time, made an arrangement for farming
+out a few of his stoutest draymen. Philip availed himself of a couple of
+kings in reduced circumstances&mdash;those of Navarre and Bohemia&mdash;besides
+securing a few dukes who were in want of a little cash for current
+expenses. A rope of sand could scarcely have been more fragile than
+Edward's band of hired followers. Like a Christmas-pudding made of plums
+and other rich ingredients without any flour to bind it, his supporters,
+though comprising a compound of dukes, marquises and counts, with even an
+archbishop and an emperor, was not likely to hold together as long as it
+was deficient in the flower of an army, a zealous soldiery. The Flemings
+and Brabanters having spent his money sneaked off with a promise to meet
+him <i>next</i> year, and 1338 was consequently lost in doing nothing. By
+the middle of September, 1339, there was another muster of the
+mercenaries, with whom Edward started for Cambray, but happening to look
+back when he got to the frontiers of France, he saw the Counts of Namur
+and Hainault disgracefully backing out of the expedition. Having in vain
+hallooed to them, and finding that the more he kept on calling the more
+they persisted in not coming, he pushed on as far as St. Quentin, when the
+rest of his allies struck, and declared they would not go another step
+without an advance of wages. Edward, who had spent all his own money and a
+good deal of somebody else's&mdash;for he was fearfully in debt&mdash;could
+only say "Very well, gentlemen, I'm in your hands," and turn into the town
+of Ghent, where he took lodgings for a limited period. While here he
+amused himself by taking the title of King of France, and he had the
+French lily quartered on his arms; which, as Philip said when he heard of
+it, was "like the fellow's impudence."
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward had previously endeavoured to draw his adversary into a battle, but
+the latter shirked the contest under various pretexts. Some say that he
+was ready for a terrific combat and was "just going to begin" when he
+received a letter predicting ill luck, from the king of Naples, who was
+looked upon as a sort of Wizard of the South, or royal conjuror. No fight
+took place, and Edward ran across to England in the middle of February,
+1340, to make a call upon the pockets of his people. The Parliament
+foolishly throwing good money after bad, granted immense supplies, for
+which the king thanked them in the fulness of his heart, for the fulness
+of his pocket. Returning to Flanders, he met the enemy at the harbour of
+Sluys, on the 24th of June, 1340, when a battle ensued, in which Edward
+astonished his own followers by his most successful <i>d�but</i> in a
+naval character. He gave orders to the sailors as freely as if he had been
+playing in nautical dramas and dancing naval hornpipes from the days of
+his infancy. So complete was the victory of the English that nobody dared
+inform the French king of the extent of his calamity, until the court
+jester was fool enough to put the news in the shape of a conundrum to
+Philip. The latter was enjoying his glass of wine and his nut, when the
+buffoon in waiting declared that he had a nut to crack which would prove
+somewhat too hard for his royal master. "Were it a pistaccio or a Brazil,"
+cried the king, "I would come at the kernel of it." When, however, the
+riddle was put * and the sovereign had guessed it, the unhappy fool found
+it no joke, for he was sorely punished for his ill-judged pleasantry.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Rapin, vol. iii., p. 178. We have used every possible
+exertion to obtain a copy of this celebrated riddle, but
+without having succeeded. The nearest Approach we have made
+to it is an old conundrum in the fly leaf of the Statutes at
+Large, which is nearly as follows:&mdash;"What was the greatest
+fillip to the success of Edward!" There is no answer added,
+but there can be little doubt that some allusion to Philip's
+loss giving a fillip to Edward is intended.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Edward's success brought round him troops of friends, and finding himself
+strong, he wrote a letter addressed to Philip of Valois, offering to
+tackle him singly in a regular stand-up fight man to man, to pit a hundred
+soldiers against a hundred on the other side, or to pitch into each
+other's armies by a pitched buttle, embracing the entire strength of their
+respective companies. The French king, who was not disposed to give
+battle, which he thought might end in his taking a thrashing, evaded the
+matter, by saying that he had seen a letter addressed to Philip of Valois,
+but as it could not be meant for him, he should certainly decline sending
+an answer. This shabby subterfuge succeeded in baffling the English king,
+who consented to a truce and returned to his own country.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0075" id="linkimage-0075"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/196m.jpg" alt="196m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/196.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Edward arrived in London late one night in November, without a penny in
+his pocket. He went at once to the Tower, where everybody had gone to bed,
+for he was not expected, and where there were signs of culpable
+negligence. There was no fire in his room, and nothing to eat; which put
+him into such an ill-humour, that he had three of the judges called up to
+be thrown into prison, he turned out the Chancellor, the Treasurer, and
+the Master of the Bolls, besides committing to gaol a number of
+subordinate officers. Those who had been employed in collecting the
+revenue, were the especial objects of his rage, for he expected to have
+received a large sum, and was irritated beyond measure at the contemptible
+amount of available assets. Stratford, the Archbishop of Canterbury, on
+hearing of the king's arrival at the Tower&mdash;in what has perhaps been
+since called a "towering passion," from the historical fact&mdash;observed
+to his informant, "Oh! indeed. Well, I shall be off out of his way," and
+fled to his official residence. The king sent him a summons, which he
+refused to attend, and threatened with excommunication any rascally
+officer who might attempt to execute the process. Want of money soon
+softened Edward's heart, and Parliament refused a grant until there had
+been another confirmation of Magna Charta, which served the double purpose
+of a blister to draw the people's cash and a plaster to heal their wounded
+liberties.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the year 1341, little David of Scotland came over with a little money
+and a few troops lent to him by the king of France, and with this
+assistance the Bruce made a tolerably decent appearance in his own
+country. Edward having projects of wholesale robbery abroad, gave up
+Scotland as a piece of retail plunder, that was wholly beneath his
+attention, and concluded a truce with David, who compromised with Baliol,
+by appointing him to keep watch and ward against the Scottish borderers. A
+situation in the police seems to have been a sorry compensation for one
+who had aspired to a throne, but it is probable that the pride of Baliol
+was in some degree consulted by nominating him A 1 in his Dew capacity.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0076" id="linkimage-0076"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figright" style="width:30%;">
+<img src="images/197m.jpg" alt="197m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/197.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+One would have thought that Edward had had enough of Continental warfare,
+and that "look at home" would have been his motto for the remainder of his
+reign, but he was soon induced to join in a squabble that had arisen about
+the crown of Brittany. John the Third, the late duke, had lately died,
+leaving one brother and a niece named Jane, who having the misfortune to
+be lame, had got brutally nicknamed <i>La Boiteuse</i>, in accordance with
+the coarse and unfeeling practice of that chivalrous period. The contest
+for the duchy was between this young lady, who had married Charles de
+Blois, the French king's nephew, and her uncle John de Montfort, who
+professed to have a superior claim, and who savagely pooh-poohed her
+pretensions by allusions to her infirmity. "Hers is indeed a lame case,"
+he would fiendishly exclaim. "Why, by my troth, she hasn't got a leg to
+stand upon." This argument was the old rule of grammar, that the masculine
+is worthier than the feminine; but this arrangement <i>La Boiteuse</i>
+determined to kick against. Charles de Blois, her husband, did homage to
+his uncle Phil for the duchy&mdash;Brittany being a fief of France&mdash;while
+John de Montfort propitiated Edward by doing homage to him as the lawful
+sovereign. Philip and Edward thus became bottleholders to the two
+competitors; but through the tardiness of the English king in supporting
+his man, De Montfort was taken prisoner. This gentleman had the advantage&mdash;or
+the disadvantage as the case may be&mdash;of being married to a
+high-spirited woman. It is fortunate for a man wedded to a vixen wife,
+when the affectionate virago, instead of making a victim of him, vents her
+fury upon his enemies.
+</p>
+<p>
+Mrs. de Montfort had, according to Froissart, "the courage of a man and
+the heart of a lion." In addition to these fascinating qualities she had
+the tongue of a true woman. She went about with her child in her arms,
+holding forth in a double sense, for she held forth her infant, and was
+continually holding forth on the subject of her husband's wrongs to the
+populace. A pretty woman, who takes to public speaking, is always sure of
+an approving audience; but when she began to give recitations in
+character, by putting a steel casque on her head and a sword in her hand,
+the effect was truly marvellous. She took a provincial tour, with the
+never-failing motto of "Female in Distress" as her watchword; and a host
+of young men engaged themselves as assistants under her banner. She threw
+herself into a place called Hennebon, where she was besieged by the
+French, but she ran up and down the ramparts with all the agility of a
+young tigress. She stood firmly among a shower of arrows, and though
+danger darted across her every now and then&mdash;so much that her casque
+got a rapid succession of taps&mdash;she merely observed that she had
+never been afraid of a living beau and would certainly not shrink from a
+bow without vitality. Aid was expected from the English, but as it did not
+arrive the Bishop of Leon began to croak most horribly, and proposed to
+capitulate. The bishop had been to the larder, and finding provisions
+running exceedingly low, declared there was nothing left for them but to
+eat humble pie as speedily as possible. He had succeeded in raising an <i>�meute
+d'estomac</i> in the garrison, when the countess, who had begged the
+troops to hold out a little longer, Saw the English fleet from the window
+of her dressing-room. "Here they are!" cried she as she ran downstairs;
+and the whole of the inhabitants were soon watching the arrival of the
+boats with intense interest. Sir Walter Manny commanded the squadron, and
+after a good night's rest and a capital dinner the next day, which
+concluded amid a slight shower from the French battering-ram, he declared
+that he would not run the risk of having any more batter pudding from the
+same quarter. "That ram," he exclaimed, "must not again disturb me over my
+mutton;" and he had no sooner dined than he went forth, followed by a few
+select soldiers, and broke the instrument to pieces.
+</p>
+<p>
+The French, having raised the siege of Hennebon, left Lady de Montfort
+leisure to go over to England for the purpose of getting a present of
+troops that Edward had promised her. She was returning to France with her
+reinforcements when she fell in with a French fleet, and they fell out as
+a natural consequence. De Montfort's wife rushed on deck in a coat of mail
+over her petticoat of female, and fought with tremendous vigour.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0077" id="linkimage-0077"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/199m.jpg" alt="199m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/199.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+One of the foe tauntingly told her the needle was a fitter instrument for
+her than the sword, when she rushed upon him, exclaiming, "I want no
+needle, fellow, to trim your jacket." She cut the thread of several
+existences, and there is no doubt that had the gun cotton been discovered
+in those days, she would have used it for the purpose of whipping,
+basting, hemming in, felling to the earth, and, in a word, sewing up her
+unfortunate antagonists. Darkness having set in upon this fearful set out,
+the battle was cut short, for night dropped her curtain in the middle of
+the act, and brought it to an abrupt conclusion.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward now came over to superintend the war in person, and he began by
+looking the danger in the face, which he accomplished by lying several
+weeks opposite the foe&mdash;an example that was followed by the other
+side; and thus the two armies continued to take sights at each other
+during the entire winter. At length a truce for three years and eight
+months was agreed upon; but its conditions were not attended to. John de
+Montfort was to have been released from prison, according to the
+agreement; but Philip, by pitiful quibbles, found excuses for keeping him
+in closer custody. At length, the old gentleman escaped in the disguise of
+a pedlar; but he was cruelly hounded by his enemies, and with a pack at
+his back was for some time hunted about, until, by dint of the most dogged
+perseverance, he arrived safely in England. Coming to the door of his own
+house, he set up a faint cry of "Stay-lace, boot-lace, shoe-tie," in a
+disguised voice, which brought the mistress of the establishment to the
+window; but she merely shook her head, to indicate that nothing was
+wanted. Upon this the supposed pedlar threw off his hat and wig, and being
+instantly recognised, was dragged into the hall, to the surprise of the
+various servants, until the words, "It's your master come back," furnished
+a clue to the mystery. His wife's joy at meeting her "old man," as she
+affectionately called him, was extreme; but the excitement was too much
+for the veteran, who went bang off, like an exhausted squib, while Lady de
+Montfort fell in an explosion of grief by the side of her husband.
+</p>
+<p>
+The fortune of war had been oscillating with the regularity of a pendulum
+between England and France, when the Earl of Derby threw himself into the
+scale with tremendous weight, and turned it completely in England's
+favour. In the emphatic language of the day, he was "down upon the French
+like a thunderbolt." Edward went off to Flanders to treat with the free
+cities for their allegiance, and, in fact, ascertain the price of those
+friends of Liberty. Louis the Count, though deprived of nearly all his
+revenue, kept up his independence, and refused to pay allegiance or
+anything else to Edward. The English king tried to effect a transfer of
+the loyalty of the Flemings from Louis, the Count of Flanders, to his own
+son, Edward the Black Prince; and with this view he obtained the support
+of his old friend James von Artaveldt, the brewer, whose stout gave him a
+great ascendency over the actions of the people. He addressed to them a
+good deal of frothy declamation, and endeavoured to brew the storm of
+revolution; but it ended in very small beer, amid which Artaveldt himself
+was eventually washed away through the impetuosity of the stream he had
+himself set in motion. A popular insurrection broke out, and the brewer
+behaved with great gallantry. He wore a casque on his head which pointed
+him out as a butt for the malice of his enemies. He was cruelly murdered,
+and Edward vowed vengeance when he heard that the lifeless bier was all
+that remained of his friend the brewer.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0078" id="linkimage-0078"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/201m.jpg" alt="201m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/201.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+In 1346 the English king landed on the coast of Normandy, with an army
+containing not only the flower of his own troops, but a regular bouquet,
+in which the English rose was blended with the Welsh leek and a sprig of
+the Irish shillalah. He marched towards Paris, and his van had even
+entered the suburbs of that city; but, without attacking the capital, he
+contented himself with a little arson in the small towns in the
+neighbourhood. His antagonist was not inactive, and succeeded in getting
+the English into a corner, from which escape seemed almost impossible. It
+was necessary to cross the Somme; but Philip and the river were rather too
+deep for Edward and his soldiers. Having waited till the tide went down,
+they took a desperate plunge, and the foe having also resolved on making a
+splash, the two armies met in the middle of the stream, where they fought
+with an ardour that was not damped by the surrounding element. Edward and
+his troops found as much difficulty in reaching the Bank as if they had
+made the attempt in an omnibus during one of the blockades of Fleet
+Street. At length they succeeded, and after travelling for some distance,
+they put up in the neighbourhood of the village of Cressy. On the 26th of
+August, 1346, the English sovereign took an early supper, and went to bed,
+having given instructions for his boots to be brought to his door by dawn
+the following morning. The whole army slept well, considering it was the
+first night in a strange place; and, having been called by that valuable
+valet, the lark, everyone was up and down by the hour of daybreak.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0079" id="linkimage-0079"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figright" style="width:30%;">
+<img src="images/202m.jpg" alt="202m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/202.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+Breakfast was scarcely concluded when Edward ordered the army to arms, and
+sent for the herald in the hopes of getting the news; but from this
+quarter he learned nothing. At length he took up his post, and chose three
+leaders, a column being assigned to each of them. The first was under the
+command of his young Bon, Edward the Black Prince, a youth of fifteen, who
+held very high rank in the army, having been included in every brevet,
+notwithstanding the brevity of his service. Two experienced captains&mdash;the
+Earls of Warwick and Oxford&mdash;were employed under him to do the work,
+so that the boy prince had nothing to do but to reap the glory of his
+position. Heaping laurels under such circumstances was a common practice
+in those days; and the vulgar expression "with a hook" may have originated
+in allusion to the reaping of the harvest created by another's merit. It
+must, however, be stated in justice to the Black Prince, that he proved
+himself quite equal to the position in which fortune had placed him. If we
+examine his character, we shall find in it many good points, and it may
+fairly be said that the Black Prince was by no means so black as history
+has painted him. The three divisions took up their position on the hill,
+and the archers stood in front, forming a semicircle or bow, from which
+they could more effectually discharge their arrows. The Battle of Cressy
+is perhaps one of the most interesting in English history; and though part
+of it was fought in a tremendous shower of rain, which has caused some
+frivolous writer of the period to give it the name of Water Cressy, we are
+not induced by this idle and impotent play upon words to lose our respect
+for one of the greatest exploits of our countrymen.
+</p>
+<p>
+Philip slept at Abbeville on the 25th of August, and rising in a terrible
+ill-humour, set out early in the morning to give battle. He started off in
+such a fit of sulkiness that he did not even give the word to "march," and
+breaking suddenly into a run, his impatience carried him far in advance of
+his army. By the time he came in sight of the foe, he was ever so much
+ahead of his own troops, and was obliged to sit down quietly until they
+had come nearly up to him. By some mismanagement, the troops at the back
+started off quicker than those in front, who began to hesitate still more
+as they approached the enemy; and thus, one part of the army beginning to
+back while those behind pressed forward, a state of confusion which can
+only be described as a dreadful squeege was the immediate consequence.
+"Now then, stupid," resounded from rank to rank, and comrade addressed
+comrade with the words "Where are you shoving to?" The king got hurried
+head foremost almost into the English camp, in spite of the vehement cries
+of "Keep back!" which, however, were no sooner acted upon than the rear
+ranks were seized with a panic, and the soldiery began tumbling over each
+other like those battalions in tin which in youthful days have fallen
+prostrate beneath the power of the peashooter.
+</p>
+<p>
+Philip, who had never intended to take the honour of a foremost rank, was
+pushed willy-nilly into the front place, like a gentleman who happened to
+be walking down the Haymarket on an opera night, and found himself
+suddenly engulfed in a stream which washed him off his legs, and left him
+high and dry in a stall to which he had been driven by the impetuosity of
+the torrent. Finding himself in the heat of an engagement in which he had
+not intended to be so closely engaged, his French majesty called to the
+Genoese crossbow-men to advance, but they pleaded sudden indisposition and
+fatigue, when Philip's brother deeply offended them by exclaiming&mdash;"See
+what we get by employing such scoundrels, who fail us in our need!" The
+Genoese were rather nettled&mdash;that is to say, somewhat stung&mdash;by
+this remark, and made a rush which was worth no more than a rush, for they
+were really worn out with their morning's walk, and felt fitter to be in
+bed than in battle. Though their arms and legs were tired, they still had
+the full use of their lungs, and began to shout out with tremendous
+vehemence, in the hope of frightening the English. This horrible hooting
+had no effect, and a Scotch veteran, by happily exclaiming "Hoot awa!"
+turned the laugh in favour of the English. Upon this, the Genoese gave
+another fearful yell, when one of Edward's soldiers inquired whether the
+crossbow-men wanted to frighten away the birds, and gave them the nickname
+of the heavy scarecrows. They advanced a step, when the English archers
+sent forth a volley of arrows, which fell like a snowstorm upon the
+Genoese, who, converting their shields into umbrellas, tried to take
+shelter under them. Philip was so disgusted with this pusillanimous
+conduct, that he cried out in a fury, "Kill me these scoundrels, for they
+stop our way without doing any good!" And the poor Genoese caught it
+severely from both sides.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0080" id="linkimage-0080"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/204m.jpg" alt="204m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/204.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+During the battle, Edward sat on the tip top of a windmill, situated on
+the summit of a lofty hill, where, completely out of harm's way, he could
+watch the progress of the action. While in this elevated position, he was
+asked by a messenger to send a reinforcement to the Prince of Wales, who
+was performing prodigies of valour. "I'm glad to hear it," said the
+affectionate father; "but," he added, "return to those who sent you, and
+tell them they shall have no help from me. Let the boy win his spurs,"
+continued the old humbug, who was too selfish to put himself out of the
+way to assist his son, and would rather have let him perish than make any
+sacrifice to aid him in his arduous struggles.
+</p>
+<p>
+When these unaided exertions came to a triumphant issue, the father
+endeavoured to gain a reflected glory from the brilliance of his son's
+achievements. It is, however, due to the reputation of the latter to
+assert that the glory was all his own; for his selfish father had taken
+care of himself, while the son fought the battle alone, and won it without
+any assistance that it was in the power of his parent to have afforded
+him.
+</p>
+<p>
+Poor Philip fought desperately as long as he could, till John of Hainault,
+who had several times advised him to "go home and go to bed, for it was of
+no use," went up to the horse of the French king, seized the bridle, and
+quietly led him off in the direction of the nearest green-yard. Seeing it
+was a bad job, Philip requested to be taken to the castle of La Broye, but
+the gates were shut, and the chatelain, looking out of window, inquired
+who was knocking him up at such an unreasonable hour. "Me," cried Philip,
+in the grammar of the period; but "Who's me?" was the only response of the
+governor. "Why, don't you know me? I'm Philip, the fortune of France."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Pretty fortune, indeed!" muttered the chatelain, as he came downstairs,
+keys and candle in hand, to admit his unfortunate sovereign. The king's
+suite had dwindled down to five barons, * who turned in anywhere for the
+night, on sofas and chairs, while Philip took the spare bed usually kept
+for visitors.
+</p>
+<p>
+Thus ended the memorable Battle of Cressy, from our account of which we
+must not omit the incident of the king of Bohemia, who, old and blind, was
+perverse enough to tie the bridle of his horse to those of two knights,
+and with them he plunged into the midst of the battle. Considering that he
+could not have seen his way, there is something very rash, though perhaps
+very valiant, in this behaviour. Nor should we in our admiration of the
+bravery of the king of Bohemia, forget to sympathise with the two knights,
+upon whom he must have been a precious drag, by tying his horse's bridle
+to theirs, and making them no doubt the victims of a most unfortunate
+attachment. The king of Bohemia of course fell, for the union he had
+formed was anything but strength, and the Prince of Wales picking up his
+crest&mdash;a plume of ostrich feathers&mdash;adopted it for his own, with
+the celebrated motto of <i>Ich Dien</i>. ** The literal meaning of this
+motto is simply "I serve," but it has been very naturally suggested that
+"I am served out" would have been a more appropriate translation of the
+phrase, as long as it appertained to the unfortunate king of Bohemia.
+Rapin, the French historian, who is naturally anxious to make the best
+case he can for his countrymen, attributes their defeat at Cressy to the
+use of gunpowder by the English, who introduced, for the first time in
+war, a small magazine of this startling novelty. Such a <i>magasin des
+nouveaut�s</i> of course would have taken the French by surprise, and
+would easily have accounted for any little deficiency of valour they might
+have exhibited. When the battle was over, Edward sneaked out of his
+windmill, where he professed to have been "overlooking the reserve," and
+joined his successful son, whom he warmly congratulated on his position.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Froissart.
+
+** Doubts have been lately cast on this old story. See the
+<i>Cabinet Portrait Gallery of British Worthies</i>, vol. i., p.
+81,
+</pre>
+<p>
+The night after the battle was of course a gala night with the English,
+who lighted fires, torches, and candles, including probably "fifty
+thousand additional lamps," in celebration of the victory. So excellent,
+however, were the regulations on the occasion, that we have not heard of a
+single instance of disturbance or accident. The day after the battle was
+disgraced by a series of attacks on some French unfortunates, who not
+knowing of the defeat of their king, were coming to his assistance. It
+happened that, as if to make the English quite at home, a regular English
+fog set in, and some French militia, not being able to see their way very
+clearly, mistook a reconnoitring party of the enemy for their own
+countrymen. The French hastened to join their supposed comrades, but soon
+found out their mistake from the cruel treatment they experienced. Other
+stragglers who had missed their way in the mist, were also savagely
+attacked, and when Edward heard the facts, he sent out Lords Cobham and
+Stafford, with three heralds, to recognise the arms, and two secretaries
+to write down the names of those that had fallen. The party returned in
+the evening, with a list of eleven princes, eighty bannerets, twelve
+hundred knights, and thirty thousand commoners. We can only say that the
+herald of those days could not have been such a very slow affair as the <i>Herald</i>
+of these, and the secretaries must have written not merely a running but a
+galloping hand to have in so few hours deciphered the arms, and made a
+list of the names of such an enormous number of individuals.
+</p>
+<p>
+Having remained over Sunday at Cressy, Edward set out on Monday morning
+for Calais, with the intention of besieging it. While he was occupied
+abroad, his enemy, little David Bruce, at the instigation of Philip,
+attempted to disturb England. After a brief campaign, in which the Scotch
+king was joined by the Earls of Monteith and Fife, David Bruce was placed
+in custody. Monteith lost his head for showing his teeth, and Fife would
+have had a stop put to him, but for his relationship to the Royal Family,
+his mother having been niece to the first Edward.
+</p>
+<p>
+Calais was kept in a state of blockade, for the English king had resolved
+upon hemming in and starving out the inhabitants. John de Vienne, who was
+the governor, finding provisions getting low, turned what he called the
+"useless mouths" out of the place, and among these "useless mouths" were a
+number of women, who must have been rare specimens of their sex to have
+kept their mouths in a state of uselessness. The brutal policy of John de
+Vienne was to continue weeding the population as long as he could by
+turning out the old and helpless, the women and the children. Seventeen
+hundred victims were thrust from the town and driven towards the English
+lines by the Governor of Calais, who was reckless of the lives of the
+citizens so long as the sacrifice enabled him to hold out and gain a
+character for bravery.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is easy for a military commander to win a reputation for extreme
+heroism if he is utterly regardless of the expense, and chooses to pay for
+it in the blood of those under his control; but it is the duty of the
+historian to audit the accounts and justly strike the balance. In looking
+into the case of John de Vienne we adjudge him guilty of fraudulent
+bankruptcy in his reputation, for he sought to establish himself in the
+good books of public opinion by trading on the lives of the citizens of
+Calais, which were his only capital. If he were now before us, we should
+assume the part of a commissioner, and should say to him, "Go, sir. We
+cannot grant you your protection from the heavy responsibilities you
+incurred when you wasted human life which you were bound to preserve as
+far as you were able. You have violated a sacred trust; and we must
+therefore adjourn your further examination <i>sine die</i>, for it is
+quite impossible to grant you your certificate."
+</p>
+<p>
+As long as John de Vienne could find anything to eat, and could have his
+table tolerably well provided, he held out; but when starvation threatened
+himself as well as the citizens, he asked permission to capitulate.
+Edward, annoyed by the obstinacy of the resistance, refused to come to any
+terms short of an unconditional surrender, but he at length consented to
+spare the town on condition of six burgesses coming forth naked in their
+shirts, with halters round their necks, and without anything on their
+legs, as a proof of their humiliation being utterly inexpressible. When
+John de Vienne was apprised of this resolution, he called a meeting in the
+market-place, and stated the hard condition which Edward had imposed, but
+the governor had not the heroism to propose to make one of the party
+required for the sacrifice. He was exceedingly eloquent in urging others
+to come forward, and was loud in his protestations that such an "eligible
+opportunity," such an "opening for spirited young men" would never occur
+again; but the citizens turned a deaf ear to all his arguments. No one
+seemed inclined to set a noble example, but all the inhabitants gave way
+to a piteous fit of howling, until Eustace de St. Pierre, a rich burgess,
+drying his eyes and mopping up his emotion with the cuff of his coat,
+offered himself as the first victim. Five others followed his example, and
+the six heroes, taking off their trousers, prepared to throw themselves
+into the breach, and slipping off their slippers, went barefooted into the
+presence of the conqueror. He eyed the miserable objects with malicious
+pleasure, and according to Froissart, insulted the unhappy burgesses by a
+series of grimaces, like those with which the clown accompanies the
+ironical inquiry of "How are you?" which he always addresses to his
+intended victim in a pantomime. The wretched state of the burgesses
+shivering in their shirts&mdash;but not shaking in their shoes, for they
+were barefooted&mdash;had a softening influence on all but Edward, who
+with a clownish yell of "I've got you!" desired that the headsman might be
+sent for immediately.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0081" id="linkimage-0081"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/208m.jpg" alt="208m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/208.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The queen threw herself on her knees, and representing that she had never
+asked a favour of Edward in her life, entreated him to spare the trembling
+citizens. "Look at them!" exclaimed her majesty, as she dragged one
+forward and turned him round and round to show what a miserable object he
+was. "Look at them! and observe how piteously they implore mercy; for
+though their tongues do not speak, their teeth are constantly chattering."
+Edward looked at his wife, and then at the citizens. "I wish," said he to
+the former, "that you had been&mdash;&mdash; somewhere else; but take the
+miserable beggars and do what you can with them." Philippa instantly took
+the coil of rope from the necks that were so nearly on the point of
+"shuffling off the mortal coil," and told them to go and get rigged out in
+a suit of clothes each, which made the oldest of them observe that "the
+rigger of the queen was much less formidable than the rigour of the king,
+with which they had been so lately threatened."
+</p>
+<p>
+The imbecility to which fear had brought their minds is fearfully shadowed
+forth in this miserable piece of attempted pleasantry, and it was perhaps
+fortunate that Edward did not overhear a pun, the atrocity of which he
+might have been justified in never pardoning. The six citizens having
+received their dressing, in a more agreeable shape then they had expected,
+and having sat down to an excellent dinner, provided at the queen's
+expense, were dismissed with a present of six nobles each, that they might
+not be without money in their pockets. As they partook of the meal
+prepared for them, the wag of the party, whose vapid jokes had already
+endangered the lives of himself and his companions, ventured to observe
+that he should look upon the ordinary as one of the most extraordinary
+events in his life; but as none of the king's servants were at hand to
+overhear the miserable <i>jeu de mot</i>, it was not followed by the fatal
+consequences we might otherwise have been compelled to chronicle.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 3rd of August, 1347, Edward and his queen made their triumphant
+entry into Calais, which was transformed into an English colony; and as
+the residents of that early period were debtors to the generosity of the
+sovereign, the place has become a favourite resort for debtors even to the
+present moment.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward having returned to England began to try the squeezability of his
+Parliament, and got up various pretexts for demanding money. He pretended
+to ask advice about carrying on the war with France, but the Parliament
+suspecting his intention declined giving any answer to his message. He
+next had recourse to intimidation, by spreading a report that the French
+contemplated invasion; and though it was little better than a cry of "Old
+Bogey," it had the desired effect. There is no doubt that Edward was
+guilty of obtaining money under false pretences, for he and Philip had
+agreed between themselves for a truce, and yet each taxed his subjects
+under the pretence that war might be imminent.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0082" id="linkimage-0082"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/211m.jpg" alt="211m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/211.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+About the year 1344, according to some, but in the year 1350, on the
+authority of Stowe, the celebrated Order of the Garter was founded. If we
+may put faith in an old fable, it originated in the Countess of Salisbury
+having danced her stockings down at a court ball; when the king seeing her
+garter dangling at her heels, took hold of it and gave it to her,
+exclaiming, <i>Honi soit qui mal y pense</i>, which was a cut at some
+females who pretended to be shocked at the incident. Their smothered
+exclamations of "Well, I'm sure!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Upon my word!" and "Well, really I never! Did you ever?" were thus
+playfully rebuked by Edward the Third, who afterwards made the words we
+have quoted the motto of the Order. We need scarcely tell our readers in
+this enlightened age that <i>Honi soit qui mal y pense</i> is equivalent
+to saying that those who see harm in an innocent act, derive from
+themselves all the evil that presents itself.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward's old enemy, Philip of France, was now dead, but his son and
+successor, John, continued the truce, or renewed the accommodation bill,
+which was entered into for the purpose of stopping proceedings on either
+side. In state affairs, as in pecuniary matters, these temporary
+arrangements are seldom beneficial, for they cause a frightful
+accumulation of interest, which must some time or other be paid off or
+wiped out at a fearful sacrifice.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Continental successes of the English king were marred by the trouble
+that Scotland gave to him, and he was often heard to say that "though he
+could make the French poodle&mdash;by whom he meant the king of France&mdash;do
+as he pleased, he hated the constant barking at his heels of the Scotch
+terrier." He therefore determined on attempting to buy the country out and
+out. So, going over to Roxburgh, he asked Baliol point-blank what he would
+take for the whole concern, exactly as it stood, including the throne, the
+title-deeds of the kingdom, and the crown and sceptre. "Let me see. What
+has it cost me?" said Baliol, evidently contemplating a bargain; but
+Edward interrupting him with "A precious deal more than it is worth,"
+somewhat modified the figure that was on the tip of the tongue of the
+Scotch sovereign. "Will fifty thousand marks be too much?" observed the
+vendor, with an anxious look. But Edward's rapid "Oh, good morning!"
+instantly told the wary Scot the shrewdness of his customer. "Stop, stop,"
+said Baliol; "I like to do business when I can. What will you give? for
+I'm really tired of the thing, and would be glad to accept any reasonable
+offer." Edward resumed his seat, made a few calculations on a scrap of
+vellum with a pocket-stile, and then, jumping up, exclaimed, "I'll tell
+you what I'll do with you. I'll give you five thousand marks down, and an
+annuity of �2000 per annum."
+</p>
+<p>
+The bargain was struck. With the title-deeds laden, Edward joyfully flew
+to his own country, and he had scarcely turned his back when "Adieu!" said
+Baliol; "you are not the first humbug who, coming to cheat, have got
+cheated yourself." The fact was, that the Scotchman, with characteristic
+cunning, got the best of the bargain, for the crown had been fearfully
+ill-used, the sceptre had got all the glitter worn off by the hard rubs it
+had endured, and the throne would cost more to keep in substantial repair
+than twice its value.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward having bought up the country, began to exercise the right of
+ownership by setting fire to little bits of it. He marched through the
+Lothians, where he met with loathing on every side, and set Haddington as
+well as Edinburgh in flames, which caused Scotland to be prophetically
+called the Land of Burns by a sage of the period.
+</p>
+<p>
+While the king was thus engaged at home, his son Edward, the Black Prince,
+so called from the colour of his armour, which he had blackleaded to save
+the trouble of keeping it always bright, was occupied in France, where he
+fought and won the famous battle of Poictiers. The truce had, with the
+customary faithlessness of royalty in those days, been broken. Young
+Edward, having a small force, made a most earnest appeal to his army, and
+said something very insinuating about "his sinewy English bowmen."
+</p>
+<p>
+Before the commencement of the battle, a diplomatist of the name of
+Talleyrand, who seems to have been worthy of his celebrated modern
+successor, rode from camp to camp trying to arrange the affair, and making
+himself very influential with both parties. John was, however, so
+confident in the superiority of his numbers that he declined a compromise,
+except on the most humiliating terms, to the Black Prince, who looked
+blacker than ever when the degrading proposition was made to him.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 19th of September, 1356, the battle began with a duet played by two
+trumpets&mdash;one on each side&mdash;but this did not last long, for
+neither party desired to listen to overtures. The French commenced the
+attack, but they came to the point a little too soon, for they actually
+ran upon the arrows of the English bowmen. The Constable of France tried
+to inspire courage into the troops on his side by roaring out "Mountjoy!
+St. Denis!" but a stalwart Briton, telling him to hold his noise, felled
+him to the ground. A strong body of reserve, who carried their reserve to
+downright timidity, fled without striking a blow. They had scarcely drawn
+their swords, and received the word of command to "cut away," when they
+did literally cut away, and having cut refused to come again. John of
+France flourished his battle-axe with ferocious courage; but at last he
+received two tremendous blows in the face which brought him to the ground.
+His son Philip, a lad of sixteen, fought by his side, encouraging him with
+cries of "Give it 'em, father!" which aroused the almost exhausted John,
+and caused him to recover his legs. Every kind of verbal insults was
+offered to him by the enemy, and particularly by the Gascons, who indulged
+in a great deal of their usual gasconade. "Stand and surrender!" cried a
+voice; to which John replied, "If I could stand, I would not surrender,
+but I suppose I must fall into your hands." With this he tottered into a
+circle of English knights, by whom he was nearly torn to pieces in the
+scramble that arose for the royal captive. Some among the crowd of his
+victors endeavoured to induce his majesty to place himself under their
+charge, and one or two began to talk to him in bad French, when Sir Denis,
+a real Frenchman, who had been dismissed from the service of his own
+country and entered that of England, addressed the monarch politely in his
+native tongue. John was in the act of offering up his glove to this
+gentleman as a token of surrender, when the royal gauntlet was torn to
+pieces by the surrounding knights, who all wanted to have a finger in it.
+Everyone was eager to claim the French monarch, who seemed on the point of
+being torn to pieces like a hare by a pack of ill-bred hounds. "I took
+him," exclaimed fifty voices at once, when the Earl of Warwick, rushing
+into the front, thundered forth in a stentorian voice, "Can't' you leave
+the man alone?" and drawing John's arm within his own, led off the
+conquered king to the camp of Edward. Warwick took little Philip by the
+hand, and presented father and son to the Black Prince, who received them
+with much courtesy. *
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0083" id="linkimage-0083"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/214m.jpg" alt="214m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/214.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+He invited them both to supper, waited on the French king at table, and
+soothed his grief with probably such kind expressions as "Poor old chap!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Never mind, old fellow!" and other words of respectful sympathy. The
+Black Prince made them his companions to London, which they entered in the
+character of his prisoners, on the 24th of April, 1357. The pageant was
+very magnificent, the citizens hanging out their plate to do honour to the
+occasion; and the windows were filled with spoons, just as they are when a
+modern Lord Mayor's show is to be seen within the city. Edward had now a
+couple of kings in custody; but in November, 1357, one of them, David
+Bruce, was released, upon drawing a bill for one hundred thousand marks on
+his Scotch subjects. There can be no doubt that the latter were regularly
+sold by their weak-minded monarch, who had become the mere creature of the
+English sovereign. John remained in captivity in London, while Edward
+carried the war into France; but having got nearly as far as Paris, he was
+caught in a shower, which completely wet him down, and diluted all the
+spirit he had, up to that point, exhibited. * The wind was terrific; but
+it was not one of those ill winds that blow nobody good, for the blow it
+inflicted on the courage of Edward made good for those he came to fight
+against. The French justly hailed the rain as a welcome visitor, for it
+completely softened Edward by regularly soaking him. On the 8th of May,
+1360, peace was concluded, and John was set at large on condition of the
+payment of three million crowns of gold, which was rather a heavy sum
+forgetting one crown restored to him. Some hostages were given for the
+fulfilment of the bargain; but poor John found he had undertaken more than
+he could perform, and though he did not exactly stop payment, it was
+because he had never commenced that operation. He was exceedingly
+particular in money matters, and it annoyed him not to be able to fulfil
+his pecuniary arrangements. Some of his bail having bolted, he could bear
+the degradation no longer, and he voluntarily went over to London, where
+he put himself in prison, as a defaulter, though others say it was a love
+affair in England, rather than his honesty as a debtor, which brought him
+up to town. The royal insolvent did not long survive, for he died in the
+month of April, 1364, at the Palace of the Savoy; and it was tauntingly
+said of him by a contemporary buffoon, that the debt of nature was the
+only debt he had ever paid.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Froissart, Knyght, Rynier, and Company.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The Black Prince, who had been created Duke of Aquitaine, governed for his
+father in the South of France, but was induced to espouse the cause of one
+Pedro, surnamed the Cruel, who, for his ferocious conduct, had been driven
+from the throne of Castile. Bertrand du Gueselin, a famous knight in his
+day, and Don Enrique, the illegitimate brother of the tyrant, had expelled
+him from his dominions, when the Black Prince, tempted by offers of an
+enormous salary, undertook to restore Pedro to his position. Edward fought
+and conquered, but could not get paid for his services; and, as he had
+undertaken the job by contract, employing an army of mercenaries at his
+own risk, he was harassed to death by demands for which he had made
+himself liable. Captains were continually calling to know when he intended
+to settle that little matter, until he got tired of answering that it was
+not quite convenient just now; and he that had never turned his back upon
+an enemy, ran away as hard as he could from the importunity of his
+creditors. Pedro, abandoned by his chief supporter, agreed to a conference
+with his half brother Enrique; but cruelty seems to have been a family
+failing, for the couple had scarcely met when they fell upon each other
+with the fury of wild beasts, and Pedro the Cruel was stabbed by Enrique
+the Crueller, who threw himself at once upon the throne. *
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Froissart.&mdash;Mariana.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Charles of France now thought that the harassed mind and declining health
+of the Black Prince afforded an eligible opportunity of attacking him. His
+Royal Highness resisted as well as he could; but he was so exceedingly
+indisposed that he was carried about on a litter from post to post, as if
+he had been compelled to rest at the corner of every street through sheer
+exhaustion. He marched, or rather was jostled, towards Limoges, the
+capital of the Limousin, which he stormed in two places at once; and at
+the sight of the pair of breaches he had made, the women fled in
+inexpressible terror and confusion. His conduct to these poor defenceless
+creatures was merciless in the extreme; and this one incident in the life
+of the Black Prince is sufficient to give to his name all the blackness
+that is attached to it. Some allowance may, however, be perhaps made for
+the state of his health, which now took him to England to recruit&mdash;not
+in a military but in a physical sense&mdash;but it was too late, for he
+died at Canterbury, on the 8th of January, 1376, to the great regret of
+his father, who only kept the respect of the people through his son's
+popularity.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward the Third had been for some time leading a very disreputable life,
+and had been captivated by one Alice Perrers, to whom he had given the
+jewels of the late queen, and who had the effrontery to wear them when
+abroad in the public thoroughfares. Among other freaks of his dotage was a
+tournament which he gave in Smithfield&mdash;the origin, no doubt, of the
+once famous Bartholomew Fair&mdash;where Alice Perrers figured in a
+triumphal chariot, as the Lady of the Sun, the king himself appearing in
+the character of the Sun, though it was the general remark that, as the
+couple sat side by side, the Sun looked old enough to be the father.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was towards the close of this reign that Wycliffe, the celebrated
+precursor of Huss, Luther, and Calvin, as well as the curser of popery,
+began preaching against the abuses of the Catholic clergy. His cause was
+espoused by the Duke of Lancaster, who had been in power since the death
+of the Black Prince, and who is said to have taken Wycliffe's part so
+ardently, as to have threatened to drag the Bishop of London by the hair
+of his head out of St. Paul's Cathedral. Considering that the priest was
+all shaven and shorn, it would have been difficult for Lancaster to have
+carried out his threat by tugging out the bishop in the manner specified.
+It is a curious fact that this alleged attack on one of the heads of the
+church was soon followed by a general burden on the national poll, in the
+shape of a poll-tax, which was imposed to provide for the renewal of the
+war, as the truce in existence was on the point of expiring.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward had now become old and miserable; for having done nothing to gain
+the affection of others, he was abandoned at the close of his life, by
+even the members of his own family. One or two sycophants clung to him, in
+the hope of getting something; but his children had all separate interests
+of their own, for the cold and selfish conduct of their parent had driven
+them quite away from him. He endeavoured to give decency to the close of
+his existence, by a general amnesty for all minor offences; but it was now
+too late to gain him friends, and the wretched old man was left alone with
+Alice Perrers. He died in her arms at his villa at Sheen, near Richmond,
+on the 21st of June, 1377, and she took advantage of being by his side at
+his death, to rob him of a valuable ring, which she took from his finger
+in his last moments, when he was too weak to resist the robbery. Were the
+shade of Edward the Third to present itself before us for a testimonial,
+we should advise the spectre, for its respectability's sake, not to ask us
+for a character.
+</p>
+<p>
+Much good was done in the reign we have been describing; but this is only
+another illustration of the well-known truth that the prosperity of a
+country does not always depend on the virtues of the sovereign. Perhaps
+the most valuable measure passed by Edward was an act limiting to three
+principal heads the cases of high treason, of which a hundred heads, all
+filled with teeth, might until then have been considered symbolical. This
+wholesome statute had at least the effect of changing a Hydra into a
+Cerberus. The leash of crimes that this Cerberus was empowered to hunt
+down were, conspiring the death of the king, levying war against him, or
+adhering to his enemies. A curious question arose some time afterwards
+under the last of these three divisions, when a loyal subject was nearly
+being condemned for adhering to the king's enemies, though it appeared he
+had adhered only in the sense of sticking to them, with a view to punish
+them.
+</p>
+<p>
+The conduct of Edward the Third to David Bruce, his brother-in-law, was
+unjust in the extreme; and though the Black Prince made his way by his own
+talents, he does not appear to have owed his advancement to any assistance
+that his father ever afforded him. Some useful alterations were made in
+the law, and the power of the Commons advanced; but the taxes were
+fearfully increased, as if the liberality of the people was expected as an
+equivalent for the liberality of the Government. The money collected was
+not altogether wasted in war, for some of it went in the building of
+Windsor Castle, of which William of Wickham was the architect. The first
+turnpike ever known in England, was started also under Edward the Third,
+between St. Giles's and Temple Bar, where to this day the successor of the
+ancient pikeman rushes forth to levy a toll on carts that enter the city.
+On the same principle, that out of evil good often comes, Edward the Third
+may be regarded as a benefactor to his subjects.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0019" id="link2HCH0019"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE FIFTH. RICHARD THE SECOND, SURNAMED OF BORDEAUX.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0084" id="linkimage-0084"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/217m.jpg" alt="217m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/217.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+F little and good were always identical. Richard the Second would have
+been a very good king, for he was a little boy of eleven years of age when
+the crane of circumstances hoisted him on to the throne of his
+grandfather. Young Richard was the only surviving son of Edward the Black
+Prince, and out of compliment to the juvenile monarch, his coronation in
+Westminster Abbey was made as gaudy as possible. No expense was spared in
+dresses and decorations; but the ceremony not being over till it was high
+time all children should be in bed and asleep, the boy king was completely
+exhausted before the spectacle was half over. Stimulants were administered
+to keep the child up; but when the heavy crown was placed on his brow, the
+diadem completely overbalanced a head already oscillating from side to
+side with excessive drowsiness. His attendants tumbled him into a litter,
+and hurried him into a private room, where, by dint of the most scarifying
+restoratives held to his nose, he so far recovered as to be enabled to
+create four earls and nine knights, partake of a tremendous supper, dance
+at a ball, and listen to a little minstrelsy. * It was at the coronation
+of Richard the Second that we first find mention in history of a champion
+rushing into Westminster Hall, throwing his gauntlet on the ground, and
+offering to fight any number&mdash;one down and another come on&mdash;who
+may dispute the title of the sovereign. The gallantry of the challenge is
+not very considerable, for it is a well-understood thing beforehand that
+the police will keep all suspicious characters out of the Hall, and the
+only difficulty required is in backing out of the Hall on horseback; as,
+if a claimant to the throne should actually appear, the champion would no
+doubt back cleverly out of his challenge. Even this trifling merit must,
+however, be assigned to the horse, who is generally a highly-trained
+palfrey from the neighbouring amphitheatre, and is let out, trappings and
+all included, to the Champion of England for the performance in which his
+services are required.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* We get these facts from Walsingham, who gives an elaborate
+account of the coronation. Walsingham says, they waltzed
+till all was blue, which means, until the coerulean dawn
+began to make its appearance.
+</pre>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0085" id="linkimage-0085"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/218m.jpg" alt="218m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/218.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Though Richard was not too young for the position of king, it was not to
+be supposed that a boy of his age could be of any use whatever, and twelve
+permanent councillors were therefore appointed, to do the work of
+government. It was expected that the Duke of Lancaster, <i>alias</i> John
+of Gaunt, would have been appointed regent, but not one of the king's
+uncles was named, and John, looking gaunter * than ever, withdrew in
+stately dudgeon to his Castle of Kenilworth.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* John of Gaunt was not so called from his gaunt stature, as
+some suppose, but from Ghent, or Gand (then called Gaunt)
+where the gent, was born,
+</pre>
+<p>
+The truce with France having expired, without renewal, some attacks were
+made on the English coast, and advantage was taken of the circumstance to
+ask the Parliament for a liberal supply. Every appeal to the patriotism of
+the people was in those days nothing more than an attack upon their
+pockets; and it is not improbable that, by an understanding among the
+various kings of Europe, one of them should be threatened with attack if
+he required a pretext for obtaining a subsidy from his subjects.
+</p>
+<p>
+Notwithstanding the money taken from the public purse for the national
+defence, the work was so utterly neglected by the Government, that John
+Philpot, a shipowner and merchant of London, equipped a small fleet of his
+own, with which he captured several of the enemy's vessels. The
+authorities feeling the act to be a reflection on their own shameful
+dereliction of duty, censured Philpot for his interference; but the worthy
+alderman, by replying&mdash;"Why did you leave it to me to do, when you
+ought to have done it yourselves?" effectually silenced all remonstrance.
+</p>
+<p>
+Young Richard, or those who acted for him, continued to make ducks and
+drakes of the money of the English, which was being constantly wasted in
+wanton warfare. The setting up of a duke here, or the taking down of a
+king there, though the English felt no interest whatever in either the
+duke or the king, became a pretext for levying a tax on the people. In
+order that none should escape, so much per head was imposed on every one
+from the highest to the lowest. The tax varied with the rank of the
+person; and while a duke or archbishop was assessed at six 'thirteen four
+(�6 13s. 4d.) a lawyer was mockingly mulcted of six and eightpence. Such
+was the unpopularity of the poll-tax, that a regular pollish revolution
+speedily broke out, which was fomented by the exactions of some mercenary
+speculators to whom the tax had been farmed out by the Government.
+Commissioners were sent into the disturbed districts to enforce payment,
+and one Thomas de Bampton, who sat at Brentwood in Essex, with two
+serjeants-at-arms, was glad to take to his legs, to escape the violence of
+the populace, who sent him flying all the way to London, where he rushed
+with his two attendants into the Common Pleas, and asked for justice. Sir
+Robert Belknape, the chief, was sitting at Nisi Prius, when Bampton begged
+permission to move the court as far as Essex. The judge followed by
+clerks, jurors, and ushers, consenting to the motion, went off to
+Brentwood, where they had no sooner arrived, than poor Belknape was seized
+by the nape of the neck and forced to flee, while the clerks and jurors
+were much more cruelly dealt with.
+</p>
+<p>
+Leaders were all that the people wanted, when a notorious priest who got
+the name of Jack Straw&mdash;from his being a man of that material&mdash;put
+himself at the head of the discontents. The throwing up a straw will often
+tell which way the wind blows, and the elevation of Jack certainly
+indicated an approaching hurricane. During the excitement, one of the
+tax-gatherers called upon one Walter the Tyler, of of Dartford, in Kent,
+to demand fourpence, due as Miss Walter's Poll-tax. Mrs. Walter, with the
+vanity of her sex, wishing to make herself out younger than she really
+was, declared that the girl was not of the age liable by law to the
+imposition. The collector made a very rude remark on that very tender
+point, the age of the elder lady, when she screamed out to her husband,
+who was tiling a house in the neighbourhood, to come and "punish the
+impertinent puppy." Walter, who had still his trowel in his hand, replied
+by crying out "Wait till I get at you;" and the tax-gatherer insolently
+calling out "What's that what you say, Wat?" so irritated Walter, that he
+at once emptied a hod of mortar on to the head of the collector. The
+functionary was, of course, dreadfully mortar-fied at this incident, but
+the trowelling he got with the trowel completely finished him. Everybody
+applauded what Wat had done, and he was soon appointed captain of the
+rebels. They released from prison a Methodist parson named John Ball, or
+Bawl, whom they called their chaplain. A nucleus having been formed, the
+mob increased with the rapidity of a snowball, picking up the scum of the
+earth at every turn, until it arrived at an alarming magnitude. The Tyler
+first visited Canterbury, where he played some practical jokes upon the
+monks, and then came to Blackheath, where, finding the young king's mother&mdash;the
+widow of the Black Prince&mdash;he gave the old lady a kiss, and in this
+operation nearly every rebel followed his leader. Such were the liberties
+taken by the mob in their zeal on behalf of liberty, which they often
+affect to pursue by means of the vilest tyranny, cruelty, cowardice, and
+oppression. The insurgents made for London, when Walworth, the mayor,
+endeavoured to oppose their entrance; but his efforts were vain, and
+several parts of the city were burnt and plundered. The Temple was
+destroyed by fire, and the lawyers running about in their black gowns amid
+the flames suggested a very obvious comparison. Newgate and the Fleet
+prisons were broken into, when all the scamps from both places at once
+assumed the character of patriots, and joined the cause of the people.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is astonishing how easily a scamp who is unfit for any honest
+occupation can at once become a friend of the masses. The prisons might at
+any time contribute a fresh supply, when the stock of lovers of liberty on
+hand may seem to be diminishing. Rapine and murder were pursued with
+impunity for some time, the Government leaving matters to take their
+chance; until a formal demand having been made by the mob for the heads of
+the Chancellor and Treasurer, it was thought high time to effect a
+compromise. A proclamation was issued announcing the king's intention to
+be at Mile End by a certain hour, and the people were politely requested
+to meet him there. On his reaching the spot where he intended to talk
+things over with his subjects, he found sixty thousand of them assembled;
+and as they all began talking at once, a little confusion arose until the
+appointment of a regular spokesman. At length the demands of sixty
+thousand tongues were reduced to four heads, and to these the king agreed
+very graciously. The dispute might have ended mildly at Mile End, but for
+the violent proceedings of those who kept away from the meeting. These got
+into the Tower directly Richard's back was turned, and the least of their
+offences was the rudeness they manifested towards the widow of the Black
+Prince, who had either dropt in to tea with the Archbishop and Chancellor
+or was permanently residing there. This lady had got the name of the Fair
+Maid of Kent, a title that had many local variations, according to the
+part of the county in which she was spoken of. Sometimes they called her
+the Dartford Daisy, sometimes the Canterbury Belle, sometimes the
+Greenwich Geranium, sometimes the Woolwich Wallflower, and occasionally,
+even the Heme Bay Hollyoak.
+</p>
+<p>
+The rioters finding her in the Tower, treated the Fair Maid of Kent with
+excessive rudeness, comparing her lips to Kentish cherries, and making
+them the subject of the well-known game which is played by what is termed
+bobbing at the fruit specified. She was, in fact, nearly smothered in the
+Tower with the kisses of the malcontents. Her ladies were, of course,
+dreadfully shocked, and their screams of "Mi!" at the treatment of their
+mistress were truly terrible. When remonstrated with on the liberty they
+were taking, they declared liberty to be the sacred object they were bent
+on furthering. The Fair Maid of Kent was at length dragged away by her
+attendants, who concealed her in a house called the royal wardrobe, or
+perhaps put her into a clothes-cupboard, to keep her out of the way of the
+rioters.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Mile End charter had been very nicely written out by order of the
+king, but Wat Tyler and his followers refused to have anything to do with
+it. Richard tried another charter with more concessions, but this had no
+effect; and at length he drew up a third, which went still further than
+the two first, for the king, or those who advised him, cared not how much
+was promised to answer a temporary purpose, as there was never any
+difficulty in breaking a pledge that might be found inconvenient. Whether
+or no Wat suspected the worthlessness of charters, which might be sworn to
+one day and treated as waste paper the next, he refused to be satisfied
+with either of the documents offered to his approval. Finding written
+communications utterly useless, Richard rode into town, with the intention
+of seeing what could be done by means of a personal interview.
+</p>
+<p>
+On reaching Smithfield he met Wat Tyler, and drew up opposite the gate of
+St. Bartholomew's Hospital, which was in those days an abbey. The incident
+which then happened has been variously described by different pens, but
+unless we had at our command some of the Smithfield pens that happened to
+be present at the time, we could not vouch for the accuracy of any
+particular statement. Some say that Tyler came up in a bullying attitude,
+and flourished a dagger; others allege that he seized the king's bridle,
+as if he would take out of the royal hands the reins of power; a few hint
+that Wat was intoxicated, either with brief authority or something equally
+short; but all agree that he received his quietus at the hands of one of
+his majesty's attendants.
+</p>
+<p>
+The merit or responsibility of the death of Wat Tyler has usually been
+assigned to Walworth, Lord Mayor of London, who is said to have killed the
+rebel with his mace; * but it is doubtful whether the civic potentate
+would be carrying his mace about with him during a morning's ride.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Others say that the mace in the hands of Walworth was not
+the official mace, but a mace belonging to a billiard marker
+in the mob. It is pretty certain that, wherever the mace may
+have come from, the insolence of Tyler furnished the cue.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The fall of the Tyler had a most depressing influence on his followers,
+and Richard, riding up to them, offered his services as their leader.
+"Tyler was a traitor," cried the king: "I will be your captain and your
+guide," when several of the mob consented to transfer themselves, like so
+many tools, from the hands of Wat to those of Richard. Some of the rioters
+sneaked quietly away, while those that remained were paralysed; for it was
+always the characteristic of an English mob, to go on very valiantly as
+long as they had it all their own way, but to turn tail and flee on the
+very first symptom of earnest resistance.
+</p>
+<p>
+Richard, finding himself once more powerful, instead of tempering justice
+with mercy, threw in a strong seasoning of the most highly -spiced
+cruelty, and commenced a series of executions, in which there were nearly
+fifteen hundred victims to royal vindictiveness. As might have been
+expected from the state of royal honour at the time, he at once revoked
+all the charters to which he had agreed&mdash;an act which proved that
+Tyler took a very fair view of the worth of the concessions he had
+rejected. Jack Straw, one of the rioters, after being tauntingly told by
+the authorities that he, Straw, deserved to be thrashed, was among the
+sufferers by the law; and an act was passed by which "riots and rumours
+and other such things" were turned into high treason. Considering that
+rumour has an incalculable number of tongues, which are not unfrequently
+all going at once, there must have been plenty to do under the act by
+which all rumours were converted into high treason.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the year 1382, Richard was married to Anne of Bohemia, a most
+accomplished Bohemian girl, and the daughter of Charles the Fourth, the
+highly respectable emperor. The king had in the commencement of his reign
+been surrounded by a low set, placed about him by his mother, the Princess
+of Wales, for the purpose of excluding his uncles, who could not be
+expected to mix with ministers and officers whose vulgarity was shocking,
+and whose meanness was quite detestable. One of these fellows, John
+Latimer, a Carmelite friar, and an Irishman, gave Richard a parchment
+containing the particulars of a conspiracy to place the crown on the head
+of his uncle, the Duke of Lancaster. The duke swore that the whole story
+was false; his accuser swore the contrary, and the dispute was at length
+settled by the strangulation of Latimer. Sir John Holland, the king's
+half-brother, was the alleged perpetrator of the savage act; and indeed
+this gentleman subsequently disgraced himself by a homicide in the royal
+camp, for he pounced upon and killed one of the favourites.
+</p>
+<p>
+"You're no favourite of mine," roared Holland, as he perpetrated the
+ruffianly act; which proves the holland of that day to have been a very
+coarse material.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Duke of Lancaster having gone abroad to urge a stale, and rather
+hopeless, claim to the throne of Castile, Richard was left in the power of
+his more turbulent uncle, the Duke of Gloucester. This unpleasant person
+at once proposed a permanent Council of Regency, to which the king
+objected, when, with dramatic effect, one of the commons produced from
+under his cloak the statute by which Edward the Second had been deposed,
+and holding it to Richard's head, implied that his consent or his life
+were his only alternatives. Upon this he gave his consent, but about two
+years afterwards, at a council held in May, 1389, he suddenly took what is
+commonly called a new start, and rising up, addressed Gloucester with the
+words, "I say, Uncle, do you know how old I am?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Of course I do," replied Gloucester, a little puzzled at the oddness of
+the question; "you are in your twenty-second year; and a fine boy you are
+of your age," continued the crafty duke; "but why so particular about
+dates at the present moment?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Because," replied the king, "I've been thinking if I'm not old enough to
+manage my own affairs now, I never shall be."
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0086" id="linkimage-0086"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/223m.jpg" alt="223m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/223.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+An expression of "hoity toity!" came into the countenance of the duke; but
+Richard continued, with much earnestness, that all the young men of his
+age were released from the control of their guardians, and he did not see
+why he should any longer be kept morally in pinafores. With this he
+thanked the council for their past services, which, however, he declared
+he should no longer require. Before there was time to prevent him, he had
+snatched the seals from the archbishop, and seized the bunch of keys from
+the Bishop of Hereford. Everybody was completely dumbfounded by this
+exhibition on the part of a lad who had never before been known to do more
+than stammer out a bashful "Bo!" to some goose he may have met with in his
+youthful wanderings. Gloucester was driven from the council, and the whole
+thing was done before anyone present had time&mdash;or if he had time he
+certainly omitted the opportunity&mdash;to say "Jack Robinson." An
+affecting reconciliation afterwards took place between Gloucester and the
+king; but we believe the reconciliation itself to have been more affected
+than the parties who were concerned in it.
+</p>
+<p>
+Richard had soon afterwards the misfortune to lose his wife; and in 1394
+he went over to Ireland with a considerable army, but, as it would seem,
+less for the purpose of making war than making holiday. The English king
+never struck a blow, and the Irish did not resist, so that the whole
+affair was a good deal like that portion of the performance of Punch, in
+which one party is continually bobbing down his head, while the other is
+furiously implanting blows on vacancy. Richard entertained the Irish with
+great magnificence, and at one of the banquets said the evening was so
+pleasant he wished he could make several knights of it. Some of the guests
+taking up the idea, persuaded him to make several knights by knighting
+them, which he did with the utmost affability.
+</p>
+<p>
+Richard did not remain very long a widower, for in October, 1396, he
+married Isabella, the daughter of Charles the Sixth, an infant prodigy,
+for she was scarcely more than seven, though a prodigy, according to
+Froissart, of wit and beauty. Our private opinion&mdash;which we do not
+hesitate to make public&mdash;is that there must have been some mistake
+about the infant's age, and that the parents and nurses of that period
+were not so particular in proving registers and records of birth as they
+might, could, or should have been. The wit of a child of seven must have
+been fearfully forced to have been so early developed: and in spite of the
+tendency there has always been to exaggerate the merits of royalty, we
+respectfully submit that the <i>facetiae</i> of a child of seven must have
+been of the very smallest description. The king, who had never been
+cordially reconciled to Gloucester, was annoyed by the opposition of the
+latter to the royal marriage, and resolved on striking a blow at his uncle
+as well as at one or two of his chief partisans. Richard's plan was to ask
+people to dinner, and in the middle of one of the courses, give a signal
+to a sheriff's officer, who was concealed under the tablecloth, from which
+he sprang out and arrested the visitor. He served the Earls of Warwick and
+Arundel one after the other in this way, having invited them each in turn
+to a chop, which it was designed that they should eventually get through
+the agency of a hatchet. *
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* This must not be confounded with an old legend, that he
+asked his friends occasionally to a chop at Hatchett's&mdash;the
+well-known hotel in Piccadilly.
+</pre>
+<p>
+His uncle Gloucester was not to be caught in this way, and declined
+several invitations to a <i>t�te-�-t�te</i>, when Richard, determined to
+accomplish his object, went to Bleshy Castle in Essex, where his uncle was
+residing. "As you won't come to see me, I've come to see you," were the
+king's artful words, when he was naturally invited to partake of that <i>fortune
+du pot</i> which is the ever-ready tribute of English hospitality. While
+Richard was doing the amiable with the Duchess, Gloucester, the Duke, was
+seized by one of the bailiffs in the <i>suite</i>&mdash;disguised, of
+course, as a gentleman of the household&mdash;and hurried to the Essex
+shore, where he was shoved off in a boat, and conveyed, almost before he
+could fetch his breath, to Calais.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was the practice of Richard to do things by fits and starts; so that he
+accomplished an object very often by getting people to aid him without
+knowing exactly what they were about, in consequence of the suddenness
+with which he claimed their services. A few days after poor Gloucester had
+been "entered outwards" for Calais, the king went to Nottingham Castle,
+where, taking his uncles Lancaster and York by surprise, he pulled out a
+document, requesting them to favour him with their autographs. They could
+not very well refuse a request so strangely made, and it eventually turned
+out that they had put their names to a bill of indictment against
+Gloucester, Warwick and Arundel. A Parliament was called to try the
+traitors, who were condemned, as a matter of course; for Richard, walking
+into the house with six hundred men-at-arms and a body-guard of archers,
+was pretty sure of a large majority. Arundel was beheaded, and a writ was
+issued against Gloucester, commanding him to return from Calais, to
+undergo the same disagreeable process.
+</p>
+<p>
+Fortunately, or unfortunately for the duke, he was dead before the writ
+could be served; but the Parliament, though they could not kill him twice
+over, indulged the satisfaction of declaring him a traitor after his
+decease, by which all his property became forfeited. This proceeding was a
+good deal like robbing the dead; but it was by no means contrary to the
+spirit of the period. Warwick pleaded guilty, and was sentenced to
+perpetual imprisonment in the Isle of Man&mdash;a sort of <i>lucus a non
+lucendo</i>, which was called the Isle of Man from there being scarcely a
+man to be seen in the place from one week's end to the other.
+</p>
+<p>
+The peculiar richness of this reign consists in the historical doubts, of
+which it is so full that the chroniclers are thrown into a state of
+pleasing bewilderment. Nobody knows what became of Gloucester while in
+captivity at Calais; and therefore every writer is at liberty to dispose
+of the duke in any manner that may tempt an imagination inclining to riot
+and rampancy. The treatment of his Royal Highness becomes truly dreadful
+in the hands of the various antiquarians and others who have undertaken to
+deal with him. By one set of authorities he is strangled, in accordance
+with the alleged orders of the king: others kill him of apoplexy; a few
+poison him; ten or a dozen drown him; six or seven smother him; but all
+agree in the fact that he was, surreptitiously settled. We are the only
+faithful recorders of the real fact, when we state upon our honour that
+nobody knows the manner of the duke's death, which is involved in the
+dense fogs of dim obscurity. Into these we will not venture, lest we lose
+our own way and mislead the reader who may pay us the compliment of
+committing himself to our guidance.
+</p>
+<p>
+Richard having got rid of Gloucester, was anxious for the removal of
+Norfolk and Hereford, whom he involved in a quarrel with each other,
+intending that they should realise the legend of the Cats of Kilkenny.
+When, however, they had entered the lists to decide their dispute by wager
+of battle, Richard thought it better to run no risk of either of them
+escaping, and he therefore sentenced both to banishment. Poor Norfolk, a
+pudding-headed fellow, who might have gone by the name of the Norfolk
+Dumpling, was soft enough to die of grief at Venice, on his road to
+Jerusalem, whither he contemplated a pilgrimage. Hereford remained in
+France, having been promised a pardon, but as it did not arrive he took
+French leave to return to England, in 1399, after scarcely more than a
+year's absence. His retinue was so small as to be utterly ridiculous, for
+it consisted of one exiled archbishop, fifteen knights, and a small lot of
+servants, who may be put down as sundries in the little catalogue. One
+fool, however, makes many, and one rebellious earl was soon joined by a
+number of other seditious nobles.
+</p>
+<p>
+The plan of Hereford was that of the political quack who pretends to have
+a specific for every disease by which the constitution is affected. He
+published a puffing manifesto declaring that he had no other object but
+the redress of grievances, and that the crown was the very last thing to
+which his thoughts were directed. One of his confederates to whom Hereford
+was reading the rough draft of his proposed address, suggested that the
+disclaimer of the crown which it contained, might prove inconvenient, when
+the royal diadem was really obtainable. "Don't you see," replied the
+crafty Hereford with a smile, "I have not compromised myself in any way. I
+have only said it is the last thing to which my thoughts are directed, and
+so indeed it is, for I think of it the last thing at night as well as the
+first thing in the morning." Thus with the salve of speciousness, did the
+wily earl soothe for a time the irritations of his not very tender
+conscience.
+</p>
+<p>
+The manifesto had its effect, for it is a remarkable fact that they who
+promise more than it is possible to perform, find the greatest favour with
+the populace; for an undertaking to do what cannot be done always affords
+something to look forward to. Expectation is generally disappointed by
+fulfilment, and the most successful impostors are consequently those who
+promise the most impracticable things without ever doing anything. The
+imposition cannot be detected until the impossibility of the thing
+promised is demonstrated; and this does not often happen, for the
+difficulty of proving a negative is on all hands admitted. It was
+therefore a happy idea of Hereford, as a political adventurer, to promise
+a redress of every grievance; and if he could have added to his pledge of
+interference <i>de omnibus rebus</i> an assurance of his ultimately
+applying his panacea to <i>quodam alia</i>, there is little doubt that he
+would have been even more successful than he was in augmenting the number
+of his followers.
+</p>
+<p>
+By the time he reached London he had got sixty thousand men of all sorts
+and sizes about him, for the people in those days were fond of changing
+their leaders, and Hereford was popular as the latest novelty. The Duke of
+York&mdash;the king's uncle&mdash;moved to the West End, as Henry and his
+forces entered at the East; but Henry of Bolingbroke&mdash;alias Hereford,
+who was also the nephew of York&mdash;invited the latter to a conference.
+After talking the matter over, the worthy couple agreed to a coalition;
+the conduct of York being very like that of an individual left to guard a
+house, and joining with the thief who came to rob the premises.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0087" id="linkimage-0087"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/227m.jpg" alt="227m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/227.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Richard, who was in Ireland, knew nothing of what was passing at home, for
+in consequence of contrary winds, the non-arrival of "our usual express"
+was for three weeks a standing announcement with all the organs of
+intelligence. When he received the news from his "own reporter," he
+started for Milford Haven, where he was almost overwhelmed with
+disagreeable information from gentlemen who evinced the genius of true
+penny-a-liners in making the very most and the very worst of every
+calamitous incident. Richard's soldiers seeing that their king more than
+ever required their fidelity and aid, immediately, according to the usual
+practice, ran away from him. "They deserted," says the chronicler, "almost
+to a man," and it is to be regretted that we have not the name of the
+"man" who formed the nearly solitary exception to the general apostacy.
+Whoever he may have been, he must have exercised a great deal of
+self-command, for he was, of course, his own officer; he must have
+reviewed himself, as well as gone through the ceremony of putting himself
+on duty and taking himself off at the proper periods. We must not,
+however, take too literally the calculations of the old chroniclers, who
+reduce the number of Richard's adherents to an almost solitary soldier,
+for the truth appears to be that the king mustered almost six thousand men
+out of the twenty thousand he had brought with him from Ireland. Flight
+was therefore his only refuge, and selecting from his stock of fancy
+dresses the disguise of a priest, Richard, accompanied by his two
+half-brothers, Sir Stephen Scroop, the Chancellor, and the Bishop of
+Carlisle, with nine other followers, set off for the Castle of Conway.
+There he met the Earl of Salisbury and a hundred men, who had eaten every
+morsel of food to be found in the place, and Richard was occupied in
+running backwards and forwards from Conway to Beaumaris, then on to
+Carnarvon, then back to Conway again, in a wretched race for a dinner.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is pitiable to find a king of England reduced to the condition
+described in the old nursery ditty. He went to Conway for provisions; but
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+"When he got there
+The cupboard was bare;"
+</pre>
+<p>
+and the same result followed his visit to Beaumaris and Carnarvon.
+Notwithstanding the number of bones that his subjects had to pick with
+him, there was not one in the larders of the three castles he visited.
+"And so," in the emphatic words of the nursery rhyme, "the poor dog had
+none." So complete was the desertion of Richard, that the Master of the
+Household, Percy, Earl of Worcester, called all the servants together, and
+broke his wand of office, accompanying the act by exclaiming, "Now I'm off
+to Chester, to join the Duke of Lancaster." This ceremony was equivalent
+to a discharge of all the domestics under him, and the king, had he
+returned to his abode, would have been compelled to "do for himself" in
+consequence of the disbanding of all his menials. The members of the
+establishment, fancying they had an opportunity of bettering themselves,
+did not hesitate to follow the example of their chief, and there is no
+doubt that a long list, headed <i>Want Places</i>, was at once forwarded
+to the Duke of Lancaster.
+</p>
+<p>
+Having ransacked every corner of Conway Castle without finding any
+provisions, Richard had nothing left but an unprovisional surrender. He
+got as far as Flint Castle, which was only three miles from Chester, but
+he found the inhabitants had flinty hearts, and he met with no sympathy.
+Henry of Bolingbroke came to meet him, when Richard, touching his hat, bid
+welcome to his "fair cousin of Lancaster."
+</p>
+<p>
+"My lord," replied Henry, somewhat sarcastically, "I'm a little before my
+time, but, really, your people complain so bitterly of your not having the
+knack to rule them, that I've come to help you." Richard gave a mental
+"Umph!" but added, "Well, well, be it as you will," for his hunger had
+taken away all his appetite for power. After a repast, unto which the king
+did much more ample justice than he had ever done to his subjects, a
+hackney was sent for, and Richard rode a prisoner to Chester.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0088" id="linkimage-0088"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/229m.jpg" alt="229m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/229.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+No one pitied him as he passed, though the spectacle was a truly wretched
+one. The horse was a miserable hack, while Richard himself was hoarse with
+a hack-ing cough, caught in the various exposures to wind and weather he
+had undergone in his vicissitudes. The dismal <i>cort�ge</i> having put up
+at Litchfield for the king and his horse to have a feed, of which both
+were greatly in want, Richard made a desperate attempt, while the waiter
+was not in the room, to escape out of a window. He had run a little way
+from his guards, but a cry of "Stop thief!" caused him to be instantly
+pursued, and, when taken, he was well shaken for the trouble he had
+occasioned. He was treated with increased severity, and on arriving in
+London was conveyed, amid the hootings of the mob, to the Tower.
+</p>
+<p>
+Parliament had been appointed to meet on the 29th of September, 1399, and
+on that day Richard received in his prison a deputation, to whom he handed
+over the crown and the other insignia of royalty. Not satisfied with the
+delivery of the sceptre as a proof of the king's abdication, a wish was
+expressed to have it in writing, and he signed, as well as resigned,
+without a murmur. His enemies had, in fact, determined on his downfall,
+and they seemed anxious to be prepared at all points for dragging the
+throne from under him. In order to make assurance doubly or trebly sure,
+an act of accusation against him was brought before Parliament on the
+following day, when Richard's conduct was complained of in thirty-three,
+or as some authorities have it, thirty-five * separate articles.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* The Pictorial History of England, which is generally very
+accurate, mentions thirty-three articles. Rapin sets out
+substance of thirty-one of the articles, and adds that there
+were four others.
+</pre>
+<p>
+There is no doubt that Richard had behaved badly enough, but the articles,
+taking the definite and indefinite together, attributed to him a great
+deal more than he had really been guilty of. His punishment having taken
+place before his trial, it was of course necessary, for the sake of making
+matters square, that the offence should be made to meet the penalty. Had
+he been tried first and judged afterwards, a different course might have
+been taken, but as he had already been deposed, it was desirable&mdash;if
+only for the look of the thing&mdash;that he should be charged with
+something which would have warranted the Parliament in passing upon him a
+sentence of deposition. Upwards of thirty articles were therefore drawn
+up, for the great fact that in laying it on thick some is almost sure to
+stick, was evidently well known to our ancestors: He was charged with
+spending the revenues of the crown improperly, and choosing bad ministers,
+though he might have replied that bad had been the best, and that he and
+Hobson were, with reference to choice, in about the same predicament. He
+was accused, also, of making war upon the Duke of Gloucester, as well as
+on the Earls of Lancaster and Chester, to which he might have responded
+that they began it, and that it was only in his own defence he had treated
+them as enemies. It was alleged against him, also, that he had borrowed
+money and never paid it back again; but surely this has always been a
+somewhat common offence, and one which the aristocracy should be the last
+persons in the world to treat with severity. In one article he was charged
+with not having changed the sheriffs often enough, and, as if to allow him
+no chance of escape, another article imputed to him that he had changed
+the sheriffs too frequently. Some of the counts in the indictment were
+utterly frivolous, and the twenty-third stated that he had taken the crown
+jewels to Ireland, as if he could not legally have done what he pleased
+with his own trinket-box.
+</p>
+<p>
+It must be presumed that Richard allowed judgment to go by default, for
+all the accusations were declared to be proved against him. If he had been
+assisted by a special pleader, he might have beaten his accusers hollow on
+demurrer, for many of the counts in the declaration were, in legal
+phraseology, utterly incapable of holding water. * Notwithstanding the
+weakness of the articles, they were not attacked by any one in Parliament
+except the Bishop of Carlisle, who, in a miserable minority of one, formed
+the entire party of his sovereign. The venerable prelate, in a powerful
+speech, talked of Richard's tyranny, including his murder of Gloucester,
+as mere youthful indiscretion; and described his excessive use of the most
+arbitrary power, as the exuberance of gaiety. The bishop's freedom of
+speech was fatal to his freedom of person; for he was instantly ordered
+into custody by the Duke of Lancaster. No one followed on the same side as
+the prelate, whose removal to prison had the effect of checking any
+tendency to debate, and the articles were, of course, agreed to without a
+division. Sentence of deposition was accordingly passed on the king, who
+had been already deposed, and the people of England revoked all the oaths
+and homage they had sworn to their sovereign. Such, indeed, was the
+determination of his subjects to overturn their king, that his deposition
+was not unlike the practical joke of drawing the throne literally from
+under him. They knew he had not a leg to stand upon, and they seemed
+determined that he should not have a seat to sit down upon; for even
+established forms were overturned in order to precipitate his downfall.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Mackintosh, who keeps the facts always very dry, seems
+inclined to our opinion that the indictment would not have
+held water.
+</pre>
+<p>
+What became of Richard after his having been deposed is a point upon which
+historians have differed; but the favourite belief is that he was cut off
+with an axe by one of his gaolers at Pomfret Castle, where he was kept in
+custody. Some are of opinion that he was starved, and died rather from
+want of a chop than by one having been administered. Mr. Tytler believes
+that the unfortunate exmonarch escaped to Scotland, where he resided for
+twenty years; but the story is doubtful, for even in Scotland it is
+impossible to live upon nothing, which would have been the income of
+Richard after his exclusion from the royal dignity.
+</p>
+<p>
+When we come to weigh this sovereign in the scale, we can scarcely allow
+him to pass without noticing his deficiency. He seems to have had
+originally a due amount of sterling metal, but the warmth of adulation
+melted away much of the precious ore, as a sovereign is frequently
+diminished in value by sweating. To this deteriorating influence may be
+added that of the clipping process, to which he was subjected by his
+enemies, who were bent on curtailing his power. He had by nature a noble
+and generous disposition, which might have made him an excellent monarch.
+But our business is with what he really was, and not with what he might
+have been. He was alternately cowardly and tyrannical, in conformity with
+the general rule&mdash;applicable even to boys at school&mdash;that it is
+the most contemptible sneak towards the stronger who is towards the weaker
+the fiercest bully. Wholesome resistance tames him down into the sneak
+again, and in pursuance of this ordinary routine, Richard, from an
+overbearing tyrant, became a crouching poltroon, when his enemies got the
+upper hand of him.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0089" id="linkimage-0089"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/232m.jpg" alt="232m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/232.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+It was during this reign that the authority of the pope was vigorously
+disputed in England, chiefly at the instigation of John Wickliffe, who
+denied many of the doctrines of the Church of Rome, and protested against
+its supremacy. Its influence was, moreover, weakened by its being in some
+sort "a house divided." Avignon had been for some time the papal
+residence, but the Italian cardinals having persuaded the pontiff to
+return to Rome, the French cardinals set up a sort of opposition pope, who
+continued to live at Avignon. Urban did the honours with great urbanity in
+the Eternal City, while Clement carried on the papal business at the old
+establishment in France, and Europe became divided between the Clementines
+and Urbanists.
+</p>
+<p>
+These two sects of Christians continued to denounce each other to eternal
+perdition for some years, and their trial of strength seemed to consist
+chiefly in a competition as to which could execrate the other with the
+greatest bitterness. This dissension was no doubt favourable to the views
+of Wickliffe, who, like other great reformers, renounced in his old age
+the liberal doctrines by which he had obtained his early popularity.
+</p>
+<p>
+We have alluded in the course of this chapter to a combat which was about
+to take place between the Earls of Hereford and Norfolk, in pursuance of
+the practice of Wager of Battle, which was in those days prevalent. It may
+seem unjust and ridiculous to the present generation, that the strongest
+arm or stoutest spear should have settled a legal difference, but even in
+our own times it is frequently the longest purse which determines the
+issue of a law-suit. The only difference is that litigants formerly
+knocked about each other's persons, instead of making their assaults upon
+each other's pockets, and the legal phrase, that "so-and-so is not worth
+powder and shot," preserves the allegory of a combat, to which an
+action-at-law may be compared with the utmost propriety. There has always
+been something chivalric in entering upon the perilous enterprise of
+litigation, and we are not surprised that the forensic champions of
+England should have been originally an order of Knights Templars. The only
+military title which is still left to the legal corps is that of Sergeant,
+and the black patch in the centre of their heads is perhaps worn in memory
+of some wound received by an early member of their order in the days of
+Wager of Battle. The sword of justice may also be regarded as emblematical
+of the hard fight that is frequently required on the part of those who
+seek to have justice done to them by the laws of their country.
+</p>
+<p>
+Contemporaneously with the Wager of Battle, there was introduced during
+the reign of Henry the Second a sort of option, by which suitors who were
+averse to single combat might support their rights by the oaths of twelve
+men of the vicinage. Thus it was possible for those who were afraid of
+hard hitting to have recourse to hard swearing, if they could get twelve
+neighbours to take the oath that might have been required. These persons
+were called the Grand Assize, and formed the jurors&mdash;a word, as
+everybody knows, derived from the Latin <i>juro</i>, to swear&mdash;but
+the duty has since been transferred from the jury to the witnesses, who
+not unfrequently swear quite as hard as the most unscrupulous of our
+ancestors.
+</p>
+<p>
+We have seen that there were very few improvements in the reign of Richard
+the Second; but we think we may justly say of the sovereign, that though
+he did no good to his country, yet, in the well-known words of a
+contemporary writer, "He would if he could, but he couldn't."
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0020" id="link2HCH0020"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE SIXTH. ON THE MANNERS, CUSTOMS, AND CONDITION OF THE PEOPLE.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0090" id="linkimage-0090"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/234m.jpg" alt="234m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/234.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+EFORE entering on the fourth book of our history, we may perhaps be
+allowed to pause, for the purpose of taking a retrospective glance at the
+condition, customs, candlesticks, sports, pastimes, pitchers, mugs, jugs
+and manners of the people. It is curious to trace the progress of art,
+from the coarse pipkin of the early Briton to the highly respectable
+tankard * found in the ruins of Glastonbury Abbey, which proves the teeth
+of the monks to have been decidedly liquorish. We must not, however,
+plunge prematurely into the pot of a more polished era: but we must go
+regularly back to the earthenware of our earliest ancestors.
+</p>
+<p>
+The furniture of the Britons was substantial rather than elegant. A round
+block of wood formed their easiest chair, which, we need hardly say, was
+easier to make than to sit upon. The earth served the purpose of a bed,
+not only for the parsley but for the people; and in winter they made fires
+on the floor, till the Romans, who brought slavery in one hand, gave the
+brasier with the other. Thus did even subjugation tend to civilisation,
+and the very chains of the conqueror contained links for the enlightenment
+of the conquered.
+</p>
+<p>
+The diet of the Britons was as poor as their apartments, and consisted
+chiefly of wild berries, wild boars, and bisons. We have no record of
+their cookery, and it is doubtful whether they cooked at all, though some
+antiquarians have endeavoured to find evidence of a stew, a roast or a
+curry, and have ended after all in making a mere hash of it. In clothes
+the Britons were by no means straight-laced, though their intercourse with
+the Gauls was of inexpressible advantage to them, for it introduced the
+use of Bracc�, or trousers made of fine wool woven in stripes or chequers.
+**
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* The tankard has no name distinctly bitten into it.
+
+** It is probable that we get out our own word braces from
+the Bracc� of our forefathers.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Of the domestic habits of the early tenants of our isle very little is
+known, and we regret to say there can be little doubt they might most of
+them have been indicted for polygamy had they lived under our present
+system of laws, for a plurality of wives was in those days nothing
+singular.
+</p>
+<p>
+Their mode of bringing up children is wrapt in obscurity, but the
+treatment, if we are to believe a story told by Salinus, * was rather less
+tender than vigorous; for the first morsel of food was put into the
+infant's mouth on the point of his father's sword, with the hope that the
+child would turn out as sharp a blade as his parent. The Saxons brought
+very material improvements to the mode of living in our island, though we
+cannot compliment them on the comfort of all their upholstery. Their
+chairs were a good deal like our camp-stools, without the material which
+forms the seat; for the Anglo-Saxons were satisfied to sit in the angle
+formed by the junction of the legs of the article alluded to.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Pictorial History of England, vol i., book i., chap. vi.,
+p. 129.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The drinking-cups in use at this period began to be very elaborate, and
+were made of gold or silver, while glass was a luxury unknown, though the
+Venerable Bede, who had a good deal of glass in his family, mentions lamps
+and vessels of that material. The Anglo-Saxons had beds and bolsters; but
+from illustrations we have seen in the Cotton MS., we think that if, as
+they made their beds, so they were obliged to lie, our ancestors could not
+have slept very pleasantly. Some of the Saxon bedsteads were sexagonal
+boxes, into which it was impossible to get, without folding one's self up
+into the form of an S; and another specimen is in the shape of an inverted
+cocked hat, somewhat smaller than the person by whom it is occupied.
+Nothing but a sort of human half-moon could have found accommodation in
+this semilunar cradle, in which to have been "cribbed, cabined, and
+confined," could not have been very agreeable.
+</p>
+<p>
+Costume could scarcely be considered to have commenced before the
+Anglo-Saxon period, for the Britons persevered in a style of un-dress
+which was barely respectable. It is therefore most refreshing to find our
+countrymen at last with stockings to their feet and shirts to their backs,
+in which improved case they are to be met with in the Anglo-Saxon period.
+The shoe also stands boldly forward at about the same time, and shows an
+indication of that polish which was eventually to take a permanent
+footing. Amid the many irons that civilisation had in the fire at this
+date, are the curling-irons for ladies' hair, which began to take a
+favourable turn during the Anglo-Saxon period. The armour worn by the
+military part of the population was very substantial, consisting chiefly
+of scales, which gave weight to the soldiery, and often turned the balance
+in their favour. This species of defence was, however, too expensive for
+the common men, who generally wore a linen thorax or "dickey," with which
+they offered a bold front to the enemy.
+</p>
+<p>
+It would be exceedingly difficult to give an accurate account of
+Anglo-Saxon life, for there are no materials in existence out of which a
+statement could be framed; and though some historians do not object to
+have "their own materials made up," we should be ashamed to have recourse
+to this species of literary tailoring. We think it better to cut our coat
+according to our cloth; and we had rather figure in the sparest Spencer of
+fact, than assume the broadest and amplest cloak, if it were made of a
+yarn spun from the dark web of ambiguity. What we say, we know, and what
+we are ignorant of, we know much better than to talk about.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0091" id="linkimage-0091"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figright" style="width:30%;">
+<img src="images/236m.jpg" alt="236m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/236.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+The Anglo-Saxon husbandman was little better than a serf who was paid for
+his labour by the landowner; but the former furnished the base, without
+which there would have been no <i>locus standi</i> for the latter's
+capital. It was customary in those days to encourage the peasantry by
+prizes, which did not consist of a coat for a faithful servitude of nearly
+a life, but a grant of a piece of the land to which the labourer had given
+increased value by his industry.
+</p>
+<p>
+The proprietors of the soil had not yet learned the wisdom of trying how
+much a brute could be made to eat, and how little a human being could
+exist upon.
+</p>
+<p>
+With reference to the domestic habits of the period, it has been clearly
+ascertained that people of substance took four meals a day, and as they
+took meat at every one, their substance can be no matter of astonishment.
+The Britons had not been in the habit of dressing their food, which is not
+surprising, for they scarcely dressed themselves; but the Anglo-Saxons
+were not so fond of the raw material. With them the pleasures of the table
+were carried to excess, and drinking went to such an extent, that every
+monk was prohibited from taking any more when his eyes were disturbed, and
+his tongue began to stammer. The misfortune, however, was, that as all who
+were present at a banquet, generally began to experience simultaneously a
+disturbance of the eye and a stammering of the tongue, no one noticed it
+in his neighbour, and the orgies were often continued until the stammering
+ended in silence, and the optical derangement finished by the closing of
+the organs of vision.
+</p>
+<p>
+The chase was a popular amusement with the Anglo-Saxons, but it does not
+seem to have been pursued with much spirit, if we are to believe an
+illustration from the Cotton MS. * of the practice of boar-hunting. Two
+men and one dog are seen hunting four boars, who are walking leisurely two
+and two, while the hound and the hunters are hanging back, as if afraid to
+follow their prey too closely. In another picture, from the Harleian MS.,
+seven men are seen huddled together on horseback, as if they had all
+fainted at the sight of a hawk, who flaps his wings insolently in their
+faces. Nothing indeed can be more pusillanimous than the sports of the
+Anglo-Saxons as shown in the illustrations of the period. The only wonder
+is, that the animals hunted did not turn suddenly round and make sport of
+the sportsmen.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+*  Julius, A. 7.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The condition of the great body of the people was that of agricultural
+labourers, who, it is said, were nearly as valuable to their employers or
+owners as the cattle, and were taken care of accordingly. In this respect
+they had an advantage over the cultivators of the soil in our own time,
+who remain half unfed, while pigs, sheep, and oxen, are made too much of
+by constant cramming.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Normans added little to the stock of English furniture, for we have
+looked through our statistical tables and find nothing that would furnish
+an extra leaf to our history. It is, however, about this time that we find
+the first instance of a cradle made to rock, an arrangement founded on the
+deepest philosophy; for by the rocking movement the infant is prepared for
+the ups and downs of life he will soon have to bear up against.
+</p>
+<p>
+The reign of John introduces us to the first saltcellar on record, though,
+by the way, the first vinegar cruet is of even earlier date, for it is
+contemporary with the sour-tempered Eleanor, who is reported to have
+played a fearful game at bowls with the unfortunate Rosamond.
+</p>
+<p>
+When Fashion first came to prevail in dress, Taste had not yet arrived,
+and the effect was truly ridiculous. It does not follow, however, that if
+Fashion and Taste had existed together, they would have managed to agree;
+for although there is often a happy union between the two, they very
+frequently remain at variance for considerable periods. Fashion being the
+stronger, usually obtains the ascendency in the first instance; but Taste
+ultimately prevails over her wayward rival. In nothing so much as in
+shoes, have the freaks of Fashion been exemplified. She has often taken
+the feet in hand, and in a double sense subjugated the understanding of
+her votaries. In the days of Henry the First shoes were worn in a long
+peak, or curling like a ram's horn, and stuffed with tow, as if the
+natural too was not sufficient for all reasonable purposes. The rage for
+long hair was so excessive that councils * were held on the subject, and
+the state of the crops was considered with much anxiety. The clergy
+produced scissors at the end of the service to cut the hair of the
+congregation; and it is said of Serlo d'Abon, the Bishop of Seez, that he,
+on Easter Day, 1105, cut every one of the locks off Henry the First's
+knowledge-box.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* At Limoges, in 1031, by Pope Gregory the Seventh in 1073,
+and at Rouen in 1095,
+</pre>
+<p>
+We have hinted at the out-of-door amusements of the people, but those
+pursued within doors may deserve some passing notice. The juggler, the
+buffoon, and the tumbler were greatly in request, and we see in these
+persons the germ of the wizards, the Ramo Samees, the clowns, with their
+"Here we ares," and the various families of India-rubber incredibles,
+Mackintosh marvels, or Kensington untrustables, that have since become in
+turns the idols of an enlightened British public. That there is nothing
+new under the sun, nor in the stars&mdash;at least those belonging to the
+drama&mdash;is obvious enough to anyone who will examine the records of
+the past, which contain all that are declared to be the novelties of the
+present. Learned monkeys, highly-trained horses, and&mdash;to go a little
+further back&mdash;terrific combats, or sword dances, in which deadly foes
+go through mortal conflicts in a <i>pas de deux</i>, are all as old as the
+hills, the dales, the vales, the mountains, and the fountains. Even the
+reading-easel&mdash;for those who wish to read easily&mdash;which was
+advertised but yesterday, and patented the other day, was a luxury in use
+as early as the fourteenth century. Even Polka jackets, imported from
+Cracow in Poland, were "very much worn," and, for what we know, the Polka
+itself may have been danced in all its pristine purity. In head-dresses we
+have seen nothing very elegant, for, during Richard the Second's reign, a
+yard or two of cloth, cut into no regular pattern, formed a bonnet or hood
+for a lady, while an arrangement in fur very like a muff, constituted the
+hat of a gentleman.
+</p>
+<p>
+Out-of-door sports were much in favour during the fourteenth century, and
+the priesthood were so much addicted to the pleasures of the chase, that a
+clergyman was prohibited from keeping a dog for hunting unless he had a
+benefice of at least ten pounds per annum.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0092" id="linkimage-0092"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/238m.jpg" alt="238m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/238.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The foxhunting parson is therefore a character as old as the days of
+Richard the Second, in whose reign the Bishop of Ely was remarkable for
+activity in the field, where the right reverend prelate could take a
+difficult fence with the youngest and best of them. He was particularly
+active in hunting the wolf, and he often said jestingly, that the
+interests of his flock prompted him to pursue its most formidable enemy.
+</p>
+<p>
+We have seen what our ancestors were in their habits, pleasures, and
+pursuits, none of which differed very materially from those that the
+people of the present generation are or have been in the habit of
+following. As the child is father of the man, the infancy of a country is
+the parent of its maturity. Reproduction is, after all, the nearest
+approach we can make to novelty, and though in the drama of life "each man
+in his time plays many parts," there is scarcely one of which he can be
+called the original representative.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2H_4_0026" id="link2H_4_0026"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+BOOK IV. THE PERIOD FROM THE ACCESSION OF HENRY THE FOURTH TO THE END OF
+THE REIGN OF RICHARD THE THIRD, A.D. 1399&mdash;1485.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0021" id="link2HCH0021"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE FIRST. HENRY THE FOURTH, SURNAMED BOLINGBROKE.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0093" id="linkimage-0093"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/240m.jpg" alt="240m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/240.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+HE wily Henry had now got the whip hand of his enemies, and had grasped
+the reins of government. He ascended the throne on the 30th of September,
+1399, and began to avail himself at once of the patronage at his disposal
+by filling up, as fast as he could, all vacant offices. His pretext for
+this speed was to prevent justice from being delayed, to the grievance of
+his people; and by pretending there was no time to elect a new Parliament,
+he continued the old one, which was in a state of utter subservience to
+his own purposes. At the meeting of the Legislative Assembly, which took
+place on the 6th of October, Thomas Arundel, the Archbishop of Canterbury,
+made "the speech of the day," which was a powerful panegyric on the new
+sovereign. There is no doubt that the whole oration was a paid-for puff,
+of which the primacy was the price, for the prelate had been restored by
+Henry to the archiepiscopacy, out of which Richard had hurried him.
+</p>
+<p>
+The new candidate for the crown gave three reasons for claiming it; but
+when a person gives three reasons for anything, it is probable they are
+all bad, for if one were good the other two would be, of course,
+superfluous. He declared his triple right to be founded, first on
+conquest, which was the right of the ruffian who, having knocked a man on
+the head, steals his purse and runs off with it; secondly, from being the
+heir, which he was not; and thirdly, from the crown having been resigned
+to him, which it certainly had been, when the resigning party was under
+duress, and when his acts were not legally binding. Upon these claims he
+asked the opinion of Parliament, which, having been cleverly packed by
+Arundel and his whippers-in, of course pronounced unanimously in Henry's
+favour. Upon this he vaulted nimbly on to the steps of the throne, and,
+pausing before he took his seat, he cried out in a loud voice, "Do you
+mean what you say?" when the <i>claqueurs</i> raised such a round of
+applause, that, whispering to one of his supporters "It's all right," he
+flung himself on to the regal ottoman. Another round of applause from the
+privileged orders secured the success of the farce, and the usual puffing
+announcements appeared in due course, intimating the unanimous approbation
+of a house crowded to suffocation. This had been certainly the case, for
+the packing was so complete as to stifle every breath of free discussion.
+</p>
+<p>
+A week's adjournment took place, to prepare for the coronation, which came
+off on the 13th of October in a style of splendour which Froissart has
+painted gorgeously with his six-pound brush, and which we will attempt to
+pick out with our own slender camel's-hair. On the Saturday before the
+coronation, forty-six squires, who were to be made knights, took each a
+bath, and had, in fact, a regular good Saturday night's wash, so that they
+might be nice and clean to receive the honour designed for them. On Sunday
+morning, after church, they were knighted by the king, who gave them all
+new coats, a proof that their wardrobes could not have been in a very
+flourishing condition. After dinner, his majesty returned to Westminster,
+bareheaded, with nothing on, according to Froissart, * but a pair of
+gaiters and a German jacket. The streets of London were decorated with
+tapestry as he passed, and there were nine fountains in Cheapside running
+with white and red wine, though we think our informant has been drawing
+rather copiously upon his own imagination for the generous liquor. The
+cavalcade comprised, according to the same authority, six thousand horse;
+but again we are of opinion that Froissart must have found some mare's
+nest from which to supply a stud of such wondrous magnitude. The king took
+a bath on the same night, in order, perhaps, to wash out the port wine
+stains that might have fallen upon him while passing the fountains. "Call
+me early, if you're waking," were the king's last words to his valet, and
+in the morning the coronation procession started for the Abbey of
+Westminster. Henry walked under a blue silk canopy supported on silver
+staves, with golden bells at each corner, and carried by four burgesses of
+Dover, who claimed it as their right, for the loyalty of the Dover people
+was in those days inspired only by the hope of a perquisite. The king
+might have got wet through to the skin before they would have held a
+canopy over him, had it not been for the value of the silver staves and
+golden bells, which became their property for the trouble of porterage. On
+each side were the sword of Mercy and the sword of Justice, though these
+articles must have been more for ornament than for use in those days of
+regal cruelty and oppression.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Vol. ii, p. 699, edition 1842
+</pre>
+<p>
+Coronation of Henry the Fourth (from the best Authorities):
+</p>
+<p>
+At nine o'clock the king entered the Abbey, in the middle of which a
+platform, covered with scarlet cloth, had been erected; so that the
+proceedings might be visible from all corners of the Abbey. He seated
+himself on the throne, and was looking remarkably well, being in full
+regal costume, with the exception of the crown, which the Archbishop of
+Canterbury proposed to invest him with. The people, on being asked whether
+the ceremony should be performed, of course shouted "Aye," for they had
+come to see a coronation and were not likely to deprive themselves of the
+spectacle by becoming, at the last moment, hypercritical of the new king's
+merits. We cannot say we positively know there was no "No," but the "Ayes"
+unquestionably had it; and Henry was at once taken off the throne to be
+stripped to his shirt, which, in the middle of the month of October, could
+not have been very agreeable treatment. After saturating him in oil, they
+put upon his head a bonnet, and then proceeded to dress him up as a
+priest, adding a pair of spurs and the sword of justice. While his majesty
+was in this motley costume, the Archbishop of Canterbury, clutching off
+the bonnet from the royal head, placed upon it the crown of Saint Edward.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0094" id="linkimage-0094"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/242m.jpg" alt="242m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/242.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Henry was not sorry when these harassing ceremonies were at an end, and
+having left the Abbey to dress, returned to the Hall to dinner. Wine
+continued to play, like ginger-beer, from the fountain; but the jets were
+of the same paltry description as that which throws up about a pint a day
+in the Temple. We confess that we are extremely sceptical in reference to
+all allegations of wine having been laid on in the public streets,
+particularly in those days, when there were neither turncocks to turn it
+on, nor pipes through which to carry it. Even with our present admirable
+system of waterworks, we should be astonished at an arrangement that would
+allow us to draw our wine from the wood in the pavement of Cheapside, or
+take it fresh from the pipe as it rolled with all its might through the
+main of the New River. Whether the liquid could be really laid on may be
+doubtful, but that it would not be worth drinking cannot admit of a
+question. Under the most favourable circumstances, our metropolitan
+fountains could only be made to run with that negative stuff to which the
+name of negus has been most appropriately given. Let us, however, resume
+our account of the ceremonial, from which, with our heads full of the wine
+sprinkled gratuitously over the people, we have been led to deviate.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0095" id="linkimage-0095"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/245m.jpg" alt="245m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/245.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Dinner was served for the coronation party in excellent style, but before
+it was half over it was varied by an <i>entr�e</i> of the most
+extraordinary and novel character. It was after the second course that a
+courser came prancing in, with a knight of the name of Dymock mounted on
+the top of the animal. The expression of Henry's astonished countenance
+gave an extra <i>plat</i>, in the shape of calf's head surprised, at the
+top of the royal table. The wonder of Henry was somewhat abated when the
+knight put into the royal hand a written offer to fight any knight or
+gentleman who would maintain that the new king was not a lawful sovereign.
+The challenge was read six times over, but nobody came forward to accept
+it; and indeed it was nearly impossible, for care had been taken to
+exclude all persons likely to prove troublesome, as it was very desirable
+on the occasion of a coronation to keep the thing respectable. The
+champion was then presented with "something to drink," in a golden goblet,
+and pocketed the <i>poculum</i> as a perquisite.
+</p>
+<p>
+Thus passed off the coronation of Henry the Fourth, which is still further
+remarkable for a story told about the oil used in anointing the head of
+the new monarch. This precious precursor of all the multitudinous mixtures
+to which ingenuity and gullibility have since given their heads, was
+contained in a flask said to have been presented by a good hermit to Henry
+Duke of Lancaster, the grandson of Henry the Third, who gave it to
+somebody else, until it came, unspilt, into the possession of Henry of
+Bolingbroke. We confess we reject the oil, with which our critical acidity
+refuses to coalesce, and we would almost as soon believe the assertion
+that it was a flask of salad oil sent from the Holy Land by the famous
+Saladin.
+</p>
+<p>
+The day after the ceremony, or as soon after as the disarrangement caused
+by the preparations for the coronation could be set to rights, the
+Parliament resumed its sittings. The terrible turncoatery of the last few
+years gave rise to fearful recriminations in the House of Lords, and the
+terms "liar" and "traitor" flew from every corner of the building. At one
+time, forty gauntlets were thrown on the floor at the same moment, as
+pledges of battle, but there was as little of the <i>fortiter in re</i> as
+of the <i>suaviter in modo</i>, and the gloves not being picked up became,
+of course, the perquisites of the Parliamentary charwoman. Some wholesome
+acts were passed during the session, but the chief object of the new king
+was to plant himself firmly on the throne of England. A slip from the
+parent trunk was grafted on to the Dukedom of Cornwall, and the
+Principality of Wales, to both of which Henry's eldest son was nominated.
+No act of settlement of the crown was introduced, for his majesty wisely
+thought, that it would only have proclaimed the weakness of his title had
+he made any attempt to bolster it. Had the question of legitimacy been
+tried, the young Earl of March would have turned out to be many steps
+nearer the throne than Henry, who, however, laughed at his claims, and the
+old saying of "as mad as a March hare," was quoted by a parasite, to prove
+the insanity of regarding March as a fit heir to the throne of England.
+Besides, the little fellow was a mere child, and was, of course, a minor
+consideration in a country which had a natural dread of a long regal
+minority. "A boy of eight or nine," said one of the philosophers of the
+day, "cannot sit upon the throne, without bringing the kingdom into a
+state of sixes and sevens." It was, however, to strengthen the presumed
+legitimacy of his family that Henry got his son created Prince of Wales,
+and though the circumstance is said to have weighed but as a feather in
+the scales, the Prince of Wales's feathers must always go for something in
+the balance.
+</p>
+<p>
+Richard, who was still in custody, was kept continually moving about from
+castle to castle, like a spring van in town or country, until a few of the
+lords devised the plan of murdering Henry and restoring the late king,
+just by way of novelty. A tournament was got up, to which the king was
+politely asked, and the words, "Tilting at two. An answer will oblige,"
+might be found in the corner of the invitation card. Henry "had much
+pleasure in accepting" the proposal to join the jousting party, but having
+received an intimation from the Earl of Rutland, his cousin and one of the
+conspirators, his majesty did not attend the <i>soir�e</i>. The intention
+was to have hustled him and killed him on the spot, but he did not come,
+and the jousting was, of necessity, carried on for some time by the
+traitors at the expense of each other. At length, as the day wore on, they
+began to think it exceedingly odd that Henry had not arrived, when
+suspecting they had been betrayed, they determined to make for Windsor,
+where they knew the king had been passing his Christmas holidays. He had,
+however, received timely warning, and had left for London, so that the
+conspirators were utterly baffled.
+</p>
+<p>
+On their arrival at Windsor, they hastened to surprise the Castle; but the
+greatest surprise was for themselves, when they heard of the escape of
+their intended victim. Henry had rushed up to town to issue writs against
+every one of the traitors, who ran away in all directions before he had
+time to return to Windsor. Some of them attempted to proclaim King Richard
+in every town they passed through; but they might as well have proclaimed
+Old King Cole, or any other merry old soul, for they only got laughed at
+and slaughtered by the inhabitants. Poor Richard was also a sufferer by
+his injudicious friends, for it was agreed that he would become an
+intolerable nuisance if he should serve as a point for the rebels to rally
+round. It was therefore thought advisable to have him abated, and
+according to the chroniclers of the day, who confess they know nothing
+about it, he was either starved or murdered. The condition of Richard's
+young wife, Isabella, a girl of eleven, the daughter of King Charles of
+France, was exceedingly deplorable. She had brought a large fortune to her
+husband, and upon his death, her father wished her to be restored to the
+bosom, and her money to the pockets, of her family. The young lady was
+promised by an early boat; but Charles insisted that she should be allowed
+to bring her dowry back with her. Henry, who had spent at least half of
+it, declined this proposal, and her papa, who had an eye to the cash,
+would not receive her without, so that she really seemed on the point of
+becoming a shuttlecock tossed between two immense battledores in the shape
+of Dover and Calais. Every kind of paltry excuse was set up to avoid
+payment of the demand, and the English pretended to find upon their books
+an old claim for the ransom of the French King, John, who had been taken
+by Edward the Third, and had never been duly settled for. This plea of
+set-off was overruled on demurrer by the French, who kept reiterating
+their applications for Richard's widow and her dowry, with a threat of
+ulterior proceedings if the demand was not speedily complied with. At
+length Henry agreed to restore her like a toad, "with all her precious
+jewels in her head." Her old father received her with the exclamation of
+"Oh, you duck of diamonds," in allusion, no doubt, to the valuable
+brilliants she carried about her; and there is every reason to believe
+that had her teeth been literally pearls, the king would have made copious
+extracts from the choice collection.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry now began to consider the best means for making himself popular, and
+after thinking it well over he came to the conclusion that a war would be
+a nice little excitement, of which he might reap the benefit. Upon looking
+about him for an eligible object of attack, Scotland seemed to be the most
+inviting; for Robert, the actual king, was old and helpless, while his
+eldest son David, Earl of Bothsay, was a drunken, dissipated, reckless,
+but rather clever personage. He had quarrelled with his uncle the Duke of
+Albey, who had acted as regent during the illness of the king, and who was
+himself a remorseless ruffian; so that the Scotch royal family consisted
+of a dotard, a drunkard, and a bully. Henry, though he wanted a war,
+wished to get it without paying for it, to prevent the odium he might
+incur by taxing the people. He therefore tried the old plan of feudal
+service, by calling upon all persons enjoying fees or pensions to join him
+in arms at York, under pain of forfeiture. The lay lords were ordered to
+come at their own charge with their retainers, but the result afforded a
+strong proof of the fact that a thing is never worth having if it is not
+worth paying for. Those who came in arms were fearfully out at elbows; and
+amid the owners of fees with their retainers, was perhaps some unhappy
+Templar, with his one fee and one retainer, urged by an ordinary motion of
+course, to appear in the great cause of the king <i>versus</i> Bruce,
+Rothsay and others.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry began boldly with a writ of summons directed to Robert, greeting,
+and ordering him to come to Edinburgh to make submission. The Earl of
+Rothsay entered an appearance for his father; a declaration of war ensued
+on Henry's part, when Rothsay, without putting in a plea, took issue at
+once, and threw himself upon the country. Henry, not expecting the action
+to come off so speedily, was but ill prepared, and after making a vain
+attempt at a fight&mdash;in the course of which he tried all his earls and
+failed on every count&mdash;he retired from the contest. He endeavoured,
+nevertheless, to make the best of it, and observed pleasantly to his
+followers, "Well, gentlemen, I told you we were sure to beat, and so we
+will yet. Come, let us beat a retreat; that is better than not beating
+anything." Thus ended, in a pitiable and most humiliating pun, a campaign
+commenced in pride, confidence, and insolence.
+</p>
+<p>
+While Henry was fooling away his time and resources in the North, a little
+matter in the West was growing into a very formidable insurrection. Owen
+Glendower, esquire, a Welsh gentleman "learned in the law," who had held a
+place in the household of Richard the Second, perhaps as standing counsel,
+became involved in a dispute about some property with Lord Grey de Ruthyn.
+Mr. Glendower petitioned the Lords, who rejected his suit, which so
+irritated him that he instantly exchanged the pen for the sword, the
+forensic gown for the coat of mail, and dashing his wig violently on the
+floor, ordered a helmet to fit the head and the box hitherto devoted to
+peaceful horse-hair.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the course of his legal studies he had learned something of the art of
+making out a title, and he immediately set to work to prove himself the
+lineal descendant of the native Welsh princes. By drawing upon fact for
+some portions, and his imagination for the remainder, he contrived to get
+up an excellent draft abstract, which he endorsed with the words
+"Principality op Wales. Grey Ruthyn <i>ats</i> self;" and adding the usual
+formula of "Mr. O. Glendower, to settle and advise, 2 <i>Guas</i>.; Clerk,
+2s. 6d.;" he placed it among his papers. The Welsh peasants set him down
+as a magician at the least, and the barrister had no difficulty in placing
+himself in a little brief authority over them.
+</p>
+<p>
+Assisted by his clerk the trusty Thomson, Mr. Owen Glendower armed himself
+for the contest upon which he had determined to enter; and the learned
+gentleman, who had never used any weapon more formidable than a file, upon
+which he had occasionally impaled a declaration, now girded on the sword,
+and prepared to listen to the war-trumpet as the only summons to which he
+would henceforth pay attention. Taking the somewhat professional motto of
+"deeds not words," he sallied forth, as he boldly declared, for the
+purpose of subjecting all his opponents to special damage.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0096" id="linkimage-0096"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/249m.jpg" alt="249m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/249.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+He collected a small band, and made an attack on the property of Grey de
+Buthyn, for which the king had Mr. Glendower's name published in the next
+batch of outlaws. Irritated by this indignity, the learned gentleman
+declared himself sovereign of Wales, observing with much quaintness, "One
+may as well be hanged for a sheep as for a lamb, and why not for a Welsh
+rabbit?" Henry at once marched in pursuit, but the barrister was cautious
+enough to avoid an action, and led his antagonist all over the Welsh
+circuit, by which he continually put off the day of trial. Henry, who had
+a variety of other little matters to attend to, was compelled to allow the
+cause of himself <i>versus</i> Glendower to stand over to an indefinite
+period.
+</p>
+<p>
+Among the businesses getting into arrear at home, was an absurd
+declaration of war by Walleran of Luxemburgh, the Count of Ligny and St.
+Pol, who had married a sister of the deposed Richard, and was suddenly
+seized with a fit of fraterno-legal or brotherly-in-lawly affection, and
+began to talk of avenging his unfortunate relative. In spite of the
+recommendations of his best friends, who all urged him "not to make a fool
+of himself," he insisted on going to sea, where a fate a good deal like
+that of the three wise men of Gotham appeared to threaten him.
+</p>
+<p>
+Conspiracies now sprung up on every side, and a rumour was spread, that
+Richard was alive in Scotland, and was coming presently to England at the
+head of a large army, to play old Harry with Henry's adherents. Never was
+a cry of "Bogey" more utterly futile than this assertion, for Richard was
+really dead, though it suited a certain party of malcontents to
+resuscitate him for their own purposes. Henry was exceedingly angry at the
+rumour, and every now and then cut off some half-dozen heads, as a
+punishment for running about with a false tale, but there was no checking
+the evil.
+</p>
+<p>
+At length an army came from Scotland, but Richard was not with it, and the
+Scotch no longer kept up the delusion, but, like the detected impostor who
+confessed "It is a swindle, and now do your worst," they acknowledged the
+hoax they had been previously practising. The Scotch proved mischievous,
+but impotent; and Henry was not far from the truth when in one of his
+remonstrances he remarked, "You are doing yourselves no good, nor me
+either." They were defeated at Nisbet Moor by the English, under the
+command of a disaffected Scot, the old Earl of March, who was piqued at
+his daughter Elizabeth having been jilted by the Earl of Bothsay, to whom
+she had been affianced. The Earl of Bothsay had made another, and let us
+hope, a better match, so that the action fought at Nisbet Moor was, as far
+as the Earl of March was concerned, in reality an action for a breach of
+promise of marriage. Young Bothsay had united himself to Miss Mariell
+Douglas, the daughter of old Douglas who had his child the husband&mdash;that
+was for his child the husband&mdash;that was to have been&mdash;of Earl
+March's daughter that was, but had also obtained for himself a grant of
+the estates of the father of Rothsay's ex-intended. Douglas, with ten
+thousand men at his heels, hurried to take possession, and they soon
+carried sword and fire&mdash;but we believe it was fire without coals&mdash;to
+Newcastle. Having completely sacked this important city&mdash;but mark I
+there were in those days no coals to sack&mdash;he returned laden with
+plunder, towards the Tweed, for which way he went, was&mdash;like
+Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dee&mdash;a matter of pure indifference. The Duke
+of Northumberland, aided by his son, the persevering Percy, surnamed
+Hotspur, with the indignant March, had got an army in the rear, when
+Douglas, seeing a good position between the two forces, called Homildon
+Hill, was the first to take possession of it. Harry Percy was about to
+charge up the hill, when the Earl of March, seizing his bridle, backed him
+cleverly into the ranks, and advised him to begin the battle with his
+archers. The advice was taken; they shot up the hill, and success was the
+upshot. Every arrow told with terrific effect upon the Scotch, who
+presented a phalanx of targets, and the stalwart troopers became at length
+so perforated with darts, that they looked like so many fillets of veal,
+skewered through and through by the enemy. Douglas was wounded in so many
+places, that he resembled a porcupine rather than a Scottish chief, and he
+was taken into custody, regularly trussed like a chicken prepared for
+roasting. Among his fellow-prisoners were the Earls of Moray and Angus,
+who had tried daughter that was, but had also in vain to escape; but
+neither did Moray nor Angus reach their own quarters in time to escape the
+grasp of the enemy.
+</p>
+<p>
+The battle of Homildon Hill, which we have thus faintly described, was
+fought on the 14th of September, 1402, while Henry himself was much less
+profitably occupied in hunting up his learned friend, or rather his
+knowing opponent, Owen Glendower. The lawyer-like cunning of this
+gentleman carried him triumphantly through all his engagements; and though
+good cause might have been shown against it, yet, by his cleverness and
+tact in Wales, he was nearly successful in getting his rule made absolute.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry's next annoyance was an impertinent letter from a former friend and
+"sworn brother," the Duke of Orleans, uncle of Isabella, the widow of the
+late king, and the acknowledged "female in distress," whom it was
+fashionable for the "recognised heroes" of that day to talk about
+avenging. The letter of the Duke of Orleans was a mixture of ferocity and
+facetiousness; it deplored the inactivity prevailing in the military
+market, and offered to do a little business with Henry, either in "lances,
+battle-axes, swords, or daggers." He sneeringly repudiated "bodkins,
+hooks, points, bearded darts, razors, and needles," as if Henry had been
+in the habit of arming himself with the fittings of a work-box or a
+dressing-case. An answer was returned in the same sarcastic strain, and an
+angry correspondence ensued, in which the parties gave each other the lie,
+offered to meet in single combat, and indeed entered into a short but
+sharp wordy war, which was followed by no more serious consequences.
+</p>
+<p>
+Northumbarland, who had struck for the defence of his country, now struck
+for his wages, which were unsatisfactory, and several other patriotic
+noblemen insisted on more liberal terms for their allegiance. Henry having
+resisted the extortion, gave, of course, great offence to his faithful
+adherents, who veered, at once, clean round to the scale of the king's
+enemies. In those days the principles of great men seemed to go upon a
+pivot, and Northumberland's swivel was evidently in fine working order on
+the occasion to which we have alluded. Scroop, the Archbishop of York, who
+might well have been called the Unscrupulous, advised that Henry should be
+treated as a wrongful heir, and that the young Earl of March should be
+rallied round, as the rightful heir, by the dissatisfied nobles. They sent
+a retaining fee to Owen Glendower, and marked upon his brief "With you the
+Earl of Northumberland and Henry Percy," and appointed a consultation at
+an early period. Earl Douglas was released from custody without payment of
+costs, on condition of his leaving the rebels, and O. Glendower, Esquire,
+married the daughter of his prisoner, Mortimer, the young Earl of March's
+uncle.
+</p>
+<p>
+The conspirators having consulted, determined to proceed, and though
+Northumberland himself was kept at home by indisposition, Hotspur marched
+to meet Glendower. That learned gentleman, who had probably not received
+his "refresher," did not come, but young Percy, nevertheless, sent to
+Henry a written notice of trial. The king proposed referring it to
+arbitration, but the offer was treated with contempt; and he then rejoined
+that he had no time to waste in writing, but he would, "by dint of sword
+and fierce battle." prove their quarrel was false and feigned,
+"whereupon," as the lawyers have it, "issue was joined." Each army
+consisted of about fourteen thousand men, and on the morning of the 21st
+of July, 1403, both being full of confidence, began sounding their horns
+or blowing their own trumpets. Hotspur and Douglas led the first charge
+with irresistible vigour, and one or two gentlemen who had carried their
+loyalty so far as to wear the royal arms as a dodge, while the king fought
+in plain clothes, paid with their lives the penalty of their fidelity.
+Henry of Monmouth, the young Prince of Wales, got several slaps in the
+face, and once or twice exclaimed, in the Norman-French of the period,
+"Oh, <i>Mon mouth!</i>" but he nevertheless continued to the last, showing
+his teeth to the enemy. Douglas and Hotspur were not ably supported, and
+the latter was struck by an arrow shot at random, while Douglas, losing
+command over his head, took to his heels, and becoming positively flighty
+in his flight, fell over a precipice. This was his downfall, but not his
+death, for he was picked up and made prisoner. Old Percy, who had been
+absent from ill-health, but had now got much better from his illness, was
+marching to join the insurgents with a considerable force, and had paused
+on the road to take his medicine, when he was met by a messenger, who,
+glancing at the physic, exclaimed, "Ah! my lord, I've got a blacker dose
+than that for you!" With this, he administered two pills in the shape of
+two separate announcements of the deaths of Hotspur and Worcester, the son
+and brother of the earl, who, bidding "Good morning" to his retainers, all
+of whom he dismissed, shut himself up in the castle of Warkworth. The king
+soon routed him out, when Northumberland, like an old sycophant as he was,
+pretended that Hotspur had acted against his advice, for the venerable
+humbug, though eager enough to share in his son's success, was meanly
+anxious to repudiate him in his misfortunes. By this paltry proceeding,
+Northumberland was allowed to get off cheap, and even to win commiseration
+as the victim of the imprudence of his heir, though the fact was that the
+latter had been completely sacrificed to his parent's selfishness. In the
+year 1404, the old cry of "Dick's alive" was renewed, and some people even
+went so far as to say that they had recently walked and talked with the
+deposed King Richard. The rumour ran that he was living in Scotland, and
+one Serle, an old servant, went over to recognise his majesty, but found
+in his place the court jester, who bore some resemblance to the
+unfortunate sovereign. Serle, however, determined on playing his cards to
+the best advantage, and thought it a good speculation to play the fool off
+in place of the king, a trick which was for a time successful. The buffoon
+humoured the joke, which was a sorry one for its author, who was executed
+as a traitor, and it might be as well if the same justice were dealt out
+to similar delinquents in the present day, for indifferent jokes are the
+madness of few for the gain of nobody.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry was now frightfully embarrassed by the quantity of bills pouring in
+upon him for carrying on the war in Wales, and every day brought him a
+fresh account which he had never expected. Even the musicians made a
+claim, and the king, running his eye down a long list of items, including
+a drum, a ditto, a ditto, a flute half a day, a pandean pipe, <i>et
+caetera, et caetera</i>, exclaimed mournfully to his treasurer, "Alas! I
+fear I cannot manage to pay the piper." In fact, the claims on account of
+the war left him no peace, and he proposed taking a quantity of the
+property of the church to settle with his creditors.
+</p>
+<p>
+This proposition raised a perfect flame amongst the whole body of the
+clergy. The Archbishop of Canterbury instantly took fire, while the
+inferior members of the church were fearfully put out, and cold water
+being thrown on the attempt, it was soon extinguished. Fighting was still
+the business that Henry had on hand, for as fast as one of his foes was
+down, another was ready to come on with fresh vigour. Old Northumberland
+could not keep quiet, but Owen Glendower was perhaps the most troublesome
+of all the king's enemies. The rapidity of the learned gentleman's motions
+kept the other side constantly employed, for he never hesitated to change
+the venue, or resort to a set-off, when he wished to baffle his
+antagonists. At length, lack of funds, and its customary concomitant, the
+loss of friends, compelled him not only to stay proceedings, but to keep
+out of the way to avoid his heavy responsibilities. He is supposed to have
+been engaged for years in a protracted game at hide and seek, living at
+the homes of his daughters and friends, but disguised always in a
+shepherd's plaid, to prevent the servants from knowing him. What became of
+him was never known, and, unfortunately for the historian, there were in
+those days no registrars of either births, deaths, or marriages. Some say
+that Owen Glendower ended his days at Mornington, but they might as well
+say Mornington Crescent; and the place of his interment is no less
+doubtful, for where he was buried is now buried in obscurity.
+</p>
+<p>
+There is a tradition that his tomb is in the Cathedral of Bangor, but this
+story is of little value to anyone except to the Bangor beadle, who makes
+an occasional sixpence by calling the attention of visitors to a spot
+which he, and Common Rumour, between them, have dignified with the title
+of the tomb of Owen Glendower. We all know the character which Common
+Rumour bears for an habitual violation of truth; and we are afraid that if
+she is no better than she should be, the Bangor beadle is not so good as
+he ought to be.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry was fortunate in overcoming his enemies, but his treatment of them
+was frequently cruel in the extreme. Poor old Robert, the nominal king of
+Scotland, was driven about from abbey to abbey, but had no sooner got
+comfortably settled in one, than a cry of "Here he is! we've got him!"
+drove him to take refuge in another. At last he hid himself in the Isle of
+Bute, where he is supposed to have remained to the close of his existence,
+and it is certain that he never addressed to the Isle of Bute the
+celebrated apostrophe, "Isle of Beauty, Fare thee well!" His eldest son
+Rothsay was imprisoned in the castle of Falkland (March, 1402), into which
+it is supposed he was pitched with a pitcher, containing about a pint of
+water, and furnished by a crusty gaoler, with a piece of crust. Even this
+miserable diet is said to have been very irregularly administered, and was
+of course insufficient for an able-bodied young man like Rothsay. He was
+treated like a pauper under the new Poor-law, and is believed to have died
+of inanition; for though the chronicles of that day attributed his death
+to starvation, the chronicle of our day prefers a genteeler term. The king
+of Scotland's second son, James, had been shipped by his father for
+France, to be out of the way, when the vessel was seized by the crews of
+some English cruisers.
+</p>
+<p>
+Robert died of grief at the loss of young James, whom he called his
+precious jewel of a gem, and the little fellow, though a prisoner, was
+lodged and boarded in comfort, allowed masters, and instructed in all the
+usual branches of a sound education.
+</p>
+<p>
+Constitutional liberty had in previous reigns taken very irregular hops,
+skips, and jumps; but, during the reign of Henry, it began taking rapid
+strides. During the latter part of his life the tranquillity of his own
+country gave him the power to lend out his soldiers to fight the battles
+of others; but it never paid him, for though there was a good deal owing
+to him, he was unable to get the money. His second son, the Duke of
+Clarence, had landed in Normandy with a large army, but finding that he
+could not get a penny to pay his troops, he began to insist on a
+settlement. He was insultingly told that he was not wanted and might take
+his army back again, but he soon brought the people to their senses by a
+little prompt pillage. The matter was arranged, and the Duke of Orleans
+brought all the ready money he could raise as the first instalment to the
+headquarters of the English. It is doubtful whether the payments were
+regularly kept up, but every possible precaution was taken that bail or
+bills could afford.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry's reign was now drawing to a close, and he became exceedingly
+sentimental in the latter years of his existence. He had discovered the
+hollowness of the human heart, together with its propensity for wearing a
+mask, and the keen perception of this perpetual fancy-dress ball of the
+finest feelings, rendered him gloomy, solitary, and suspicious. He was
+also in a wretched state of health, for nothing agreed with him, and he
+agreed with nobody. He became jealous of the popularity of his son, whom
+he declared to be everything that was bad, though the after life of the
+young man gave the perfect lie to the paternal libel. Many anecdotes are
+related of the low freaks of Henry and his companions, who seem to have
+been the terror of the police and the people. If we are to believe all
+that is said concerning them, we should look upon the Prince of Wales and
+his associates as the foes to that great engine of civilisation the
+street-door knocker, and the determined enemies to enlightenment by the
+agency of public lamps.
+</p>
+<p>
+Anecdotes are told of their being brought before the Chief Justice
+Gascoigne, the Denman, Pollock, or Wilde of his day, who took cognizance
+of a case, which would induce either of these learned and upright
+individuals to exclaim to a complainant: "You must not come here, sir; we
+don't sit here to decide upon the merits of street rows," Gascoigne, who
+was a chief justice and a police magistrate all in one&mdash;like an
+article of furniture intended for both a bedstead and a chest of drawers,
+but offering the accommodation of neither&mdash;Gascoigne committed to
+prison some of the prince's associates. The learned judge, setting a
+precedent that might be followed with advantage in the present day,
+inflicted imprisonment, instead of a fine, on those to whom the latter
+would have been no punishment. The Prince of Wales, on hearing of the
+incarceration of his companions, rushed into court, demanding a <i>habeas
+corpus</i>, and drew his sword upon the judge when asked for a case in
+point. Judge Gascoigne ordered the usher to take the prince into custody,
+and the officer of the court having hesitated, young Henry, politely
+exclaiming, "I'm your prisoner, sir," surrendered without a murmur. When
+the king heard the anecdote, he became mawkishly sentimental, exclaiming,
+"Happy the monarch to have such a good judge for a justice, and happy the
+father to have a son so ready to yield to legal authority." If the latter
+is really a subject for congratulation, what happiness the police reports
+of each day ought to afford to those parents who have had sons confined in
+the station-house for intoxication, by whom the penalty of five shillings
+has been paid with alacrity. We can fancy the respectable sire of some
+youth who has formed the subject of a case at Bow Street, and who has
+submitted to the decision of the Bench; we can imagine the parent
+exclaiming, with enthusiasm, "Happy the Englishman to have such a
+magistrate to enforce the law, and such a son to yield obedience to its
+orders." Another anecdote is told of the amiable feeling existing between
+the sovereign and his heir, which we insert without vouching for its
+truth, though it is not by any means improbable. The king was ill in bed,
+and the Prince of Wales was sitting up with him in the temporary capacity
+of nurse. The son, however, seemed to be rather waiting for his father's
+death, than hoping for the prolongation of his life, and the king, having
+gone off into a fit, the prince, instead of calling for assistance, or
+giving any aid himself, heartlessly took the opportunity to see how he
+should look in the crown, which always hung on a peg in the royal
+bed-chamber. Young Henry was figuring away before a cheval glass, with the
+regal bauble on his head, and was exclaiming "Just the thing, upon my
+honour," when the elder Henry, happening to recover, sat up in his bed,
+and saw the conduct of his offspring. "Hallo," cried the king, "who gave
+you leave to put that on? I think you might have left it alone till I've
+done with it!"
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0097" id="linkimage-0097"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/256m.jpg" alt="256m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/256.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The prince muttered some excuse, which was not long needed, for on the
+23rd of March, 1413, Henry the Fourth died, in the forty-seventh year of
+his age, and the fourteenth of his reign. The character of Henry the
+Fourth may be told in a few words, and the fewer the better for his
+reputation, inasmuch as it is impossible to furnish him with that passport
+to posterity with which it would give us pleasure to present the whole of
+our English sovereigns. Other historians have puffed him, but the only
+puffing we can promise him is a regular blowing up. He was cautious how he
+gave offence to his subjects, but this was less out of regard to their
+interests than care for his own. He knew that the hostility existing
+towards him among the nobles, on account of his usurpation, could only be
+counteracted by obtaining the support of the people. He therefore
+refrained from irritating the latter by taxing them heavily for his wars,
+but he never scrupled to help himself to the goods of the former whenever
+his exigencies required. The only difference between him and some of his
+predecessors in the practice of extortion and robbery, is in the fact that
+while others plundered principally the people, Henry the Fourth thought it
+better worth his while to plunder the nobles. Some of our predecessors
+have praised his prudence, which was unquestionably great; for never was a
+king more cunning in his attempts to preserve the crown he had unjustly
+acquired. He was not wantonly barbarous in the treatment of his enemies
+when he got them into his power, and, in this respect, his conduct
+presents an honourable contrast to that of the sanguinary monsters who
+committed the greatest crimes to surmount the smallest obstacles. He did
+not seek to stop the merest breath of disaffection by the most monstrous
+murders, nor to rid himself of the annoyance of suspicion by incurring the
+guilt of slaughtering the suspected. His treatment of his predecessor,
+Richard, and one or two others, who are yet unaccounted for, and returned
+"missing" in the balance-sheet of history, must always leave a blot, or,
+rather, a shower of blots, throwing a piebald aspect upon the character of
+Henry. Among the distinguished individuals who shed lustre on a reign
+which derived no brilliance from the sovereign himself, are the poets
+Chaucer and Gower, as well as William Wickham, and Richard Whittington,
+the Lord Mayor of London. We have been at some pains to trace the story of
+the latter, in the hope of being able to find accommodation for his cat in
+the pages of history. We regret to say that our task has ended in the
+melancholy conviction that the cat of Whittington must make one in that
+imaginary family which comprises the puss in boots of the Marquis of
+Carabas, the rats and lizards of Cinderella, and the chickens of Mother
+Carey.
+</p>
+<p>
+Among the distinctions to which this reign is entitled, we must not omit
+to mention that it was the first in which the practice prevailed of
+burning what were called heretics. Had this circumstance occurred to us
+before we commenced the character of Henry, we think we might have spared
+ourselves the trouble of writing it. The burning of heretics ought, of
+itself, to brand his name with infamy.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0022" id="link2HCH0022"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE SECOND. HENRY THE FIFTH, SURNAMED OF MONMOUTH.
+</h2>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">H</span>ENRY the Fifth, on coming to the throne, pursued the policy of
+conciliation; but it so happened that his first act of magnanimity was
+bestowed in a quarter where it could do no good and excite no gratitude.
+The act in question, for which he has been greatly praised, was the
+removal of the body of Richard the Second from an obscure tomb in the
+Friars' Church, at Langley, to a place beside his first wife, the good
+Queen Anne, in the Abbey of Westminster. Had Richard the Second been aware
+of the honour reserved for him after his death, he might probably have
+requested the advance of a small instalment during his lifetime, when it
+would have been of some use to him. The greatest magnificence that can be
+lavished on a tomb will scarcely compensate for an hour's confinement
+within the dreariness of a prison. Had Richard been living, there would
+have been some magnanimity in restoring him to his proper position, but
+giving to his remains the honours due to sovereignty was only a confession
+on the part of Henry that he and his father had usurped the crown of one
+who, being dead, could no longer claim retribution for his injuries. It
+was a mockery to pretend to uphold the deposed king by the agency of an
+upholsterer, and the funeral was nothing more than another black job added
+to the many that had already arisen out of the treatment of poor Richard.
+</p>
+<p>
+The release of the Earl of March from captivity, and the restoration of
+the son of Hotspur to the honours of the Percies, were acts of more
+decided liberality; but, if we are to believe the gossip of the period,
+these two young gentlemen were a pair of spoons, wholly incapable of
+making a stir of any kind. The Earl of March was, it is true, a spoon of
+the king's pattern, for he was a scion of a royal stock, but he
+nevertheless had enough of the fiddle-head about him to make it certain
+that he could be played upon, or let down a peg when occasion required.
+</p>
+<p>
+From the wildness of Henry's life during his Welsh princedom, it was
+expected that his career as king would have been a series of practical
+jokes upon his officers of state and his subjects in general. He had, when
+a young man, "scrupled not," according to Hume, "to accompany his riotous
+associates in attacking the passengers in the streets and highways, and
+despoiling them of their goods; and he found an amusement in the incidents
+which the tears and regret of these defenceless people produced on such
+occasions." It was feared, therefore, that he would have continued to riot
+in runaway knocks, not only at the doors, but upon the heads of the
+public. Happily, he disappointed these expectations, for from the moment
+of his ascending the throne, he became exceedingly well conducted and
+highly respectable. He did not exactly cut his old friends, but told them
+plainly that they must reform if they desired to retain the acquaintance
+of their sovereign. He stated plainly that it would not do for the king of
+England to be figuring at fancy balls, and kicking his heels about at
+casinos, as in former times, for he was now no longer a man about town,
+but the sovereign of a powerful country. Poor Gascoigne, the Chief
+Justice, had approached the royal presence with fear and trembling, fully
+expecting to be paid off without any pension for having committed Henry,
+when Prince of Wales, but, to the surprise of everyone, the king commended
+the judge for his firmness, and advised him, in the words of the song&mdash;
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+"To do the same thing, were he in the same place,"
+</pre>
+<p>
+should he, the king, be placed to-morrow in another similar position.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the first year of the new reign a commotion sprung up, which first
+developed itself in a violent fit of seditious bill-sticking. In the
+course of a night, some party succeeded in getting out an "effective
+poster," announcing the readiness of "a hundred thousand men to assert
+their right by force of arms, if needful." What those rights were the
+placards did not state, and probably this would have been the very last
+subject that the hundred thousand men would have proceeded to think about.
+They were supposed to have been instigated by the Lollards, one of whom,
+Sir John Oldcastle, their leader, was sent for by the king to have a
+little talk, in the course of which the wrongs of the Lollards might
+perchance be hit upon. Sir John Oldcastle, who was one of the old school,
+found plenty to say, but he never could find anyone to listen patiently to
+his rigmaroles. Henry the Fifth was obliged to cut the old gentleman short
+by hinting that the statute <i>de heretico comburendo</i> was in force,
+and Sir John, who had been about to fire up, cooled down very decidedly on
+hearing the allusion. Henry, finding nothing could be done with Oldcastle,
+who was as sturdy and obstinate as his name would seem to imply, turned
+him over to Archbishop Arundel. The prelate undertook to bring Sir John to
+his senses, but the junction could not be effected, for the objects were
+really too remote to be easily brought together. A writ was issued, but
+Oldcastle kept the proper officer at bay, and assailed him not only with
+obstructive missiles, but with derisive ridicule. At length, a military
+force was sent out to take the Oldcastle by storm, when Sir John
+unwillingly surrendered. Though taken, he refused to be shaken in his
+obstinate resolves, and he pleaded two whole days before his judges, in
+the hope of wearing them out and inducing them to stay the proceedings,
+rather than subject themselves to the fearful blow of his excessive
+long-windedness. He was, however, condemned, but the king granted a
+respite of fifty days, during which the old fellow either contrived or was
+allowed to escape from the Tower; and the probability is, that the gaolers
+had instructions to wink, in the event of his being seen to pass the
+portals of his prison.
+</p>
+<p>
+Oldcastle, or Lord Cobham, as he was also called, had no sooner got out of
+prison than he rushed into the flames of sedition, and illustrated by his
+conduct the process of a leap from the frying-pan into the fire. He
+appointed a meeting of his followers at Eltham for the purpose of
+surprising Henry, but the king observing the moves of the knight
+determined if possible to avoid being check-mated. His majesty repaired to
+Westminster, when Cobham, changing his tactics, fixed upon St. Giles's
+Fields as the place of rendezvous. The king thought to himself "Now we've
+got them there we'll keep them there," and shut the gates of the city.
+This was on the feast of the Epiphany, or Twelfth Pay, 1414, and in the
+evening the Lord Mayor of London arrested several disreputable
+Twelfth-night characters. On the next day, a little after midnight, Henry
+went forth expecting to find twenty-five thousand men assembled in St.
+Giles's Fields, but he met only eighty Lollards lolling about, expecting
+Sir John Oldcastle. Several of them were hanged on the charge of having
+intended to destroy king, lords, commons, church, state, and all the other
+sundries of which the constitution is composed, and to turn England into a
+federal republic, with Sir John Oldcastle as president.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0098" id="linkimage-0098"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/260m.jpg" alt="260m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/260.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The idea of eighty enthusiasts meeting in a field near London to slice
+their country into republics, and make a bonfire of the crown, the
+sceptre, the throne, and the other appointments of royalty, is really too
+ridiculous to be entertained, though it is almost funny enough to be
+entertaining. Such, nevertheless, was the alarm the Lollards had inspired,
+that everyone suspected of Lollardism was condemned to forfeit his head
+first and his goods afterwards, though after taking a man in execution it
+was rather superfluous cruelty to take his property by the same process.
+Life, however, was held of so little account in those days that there was
+considered to be no such capital fun as capital punishment.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry had scarcely worn the English crown for a year, when, in the spirit
+of an old clothesman, who delights in a plurality of hats, he thought the
+crown of France might furnish a graceful supplement to his own head-dress.
+He therefore sent in his claim to the French diadem, making out a title in
+right of Edward the Third's wife, who had no right at all, or if she had,
+it is clear that Henry the Fifth had no right to the lady, whose heir was
+Edward Mortimer. France was in a wretched state when Henry put in his
+claim; for Paris was in one of its revolutionary fits, and intrigue was
+rampant in the royal family. The dauphin, Louis, was continually fighting
+with his mother, and insulting his father, while the Duke of Orleans and
+his cousin the Duke of Burgundy were perpetually quarrelling. Each had his
+partisans, and those belonging to the latter were in the habit of
+declaring that an Orleans plum&mdash;alluding, of course, to the duke's
+vast fortune&mdash;was preferable to an entire dozen of Burgundy. In the
+meantime Paris was infested by a band of assassins, professing to be the
+friends of liberty, and wearing white hoods, which they forced on to
+everybody's head; and this act was no doubt the origin of the expression
+with reference to the hoodwinking of the people.
+</p>
+<p>
+Before proceeding to arm, Henry proposed a compromise. He demanded two
+millions in cash, and King Charles's daughter, Catharine, in marriage. The
+latter offered the lady in full, but only a moiety of the money. This
+arrangement was scornfully rejected, and Henry held a council on the 17th
+of April, 1415, at which he announced his determination to go "over the
+water to Charley." Having resolved upon what to do, the next question was
+how to do it; and the first difficulty that occurred was the refusal of
+his soldiers to stir a step without an advance of three months' wages. He
+first tried the Parliament, and got a good supply, which was further
+increased by borrowing from or robbing his subjects. Even this would not
+do, and recourse was had to the common but disgraceful practice of
+unpicking the crown, for the purpose of sending the jewels to the
+pawnbroker's. A trusty officer was despatched to deposit with one of the
+king's relatives a brilliant, in the name of Bolinbroke. The news of the
+preparations being made in England, spread terror in France, for the
+distant roaring of the British Lion came across the main, with portentous
+fury. The French King, Charles, was utterly useless in the emergency&mdash;for
+he was a wretched imbecile&mdash;and several artful attempts were made to
+get rid of his authority. Every now and then he was made the subject of a
+commission of lunacy, as a pretext for placing power in the dauphin's
+hands; and that undutiful son, having turned his mother out of doors,
+seized the contents of the treasury, which made him at once master of the
+capital. At one time, while the pusillanimous Charles was lying at Arras,
+an attempt was made to burn him out, by setting fire to his lodgings; but,
+having all the essential qualities of a perfect pump, he does not appear
+to have been of a combustible nature. He certainly was not of a very fiery
+disposition, and his enemies declared that he owed his escape from the
+flames to his being utterly incapable of enlightenment. Such was the king
+of France, and such the feeling entertained towards him by the majority of
+his subjects, when the English sovereign resolved on his aggressive
+enterprise.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry left London on the 18th of June, 1415, and proceeded to Winchester,
+where he was met by another offer of a compromise. This he refused, and
+rudely pushing the deputation aside, he pressed on to Southampton. Here
+his fleet awaited him, but receiving news of a conspiracy to take his life
+he, instead of putting off to sea, put off his departure. Sir Thomas Grey,
+the Lord Scroop, and the Earl of Cambridge were all in the plot; and the
+two latter having claimed the privilege of being tried by their peers,
+took very little by their motion, for they were condemned by a vote of
+wondrous unanimity. Having heard the heads of the treason, Henry cut off
+the heads of the traitors, and embarked, on the 10th of August, on board
+his ship the "Trinity." The scene on the Southampton pier was animated and
+brilliant when the sovereign placed his foot upon the plank leading to the
+vessel that was to conduct him to the shores of his enemies.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0099" id="linkimage-0099"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/262m.jpg" alt="262m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/262.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Gentle breezes were in attendance to waft him on his way, and Neptune, who
+is sometimes ruffled on these occasions, presented an even calmness that
+it was quite delightful to contemplate. An enthusiastic crowd on the shore
+burst forth into occasional cheers, which were succeeded now and then by
+the faint sob of some sentimental trooper, taking leave of the fond maid
+whose heart&mdash;and last quarter's wages&mdash;he was carrying away with
+him. The civic authorities were, of course, active in their demonstrations
+of loyalty on this occasion; and the Mayor of Southampton, in backing to
+make one of his sycophantic bows, sent one of the attendants fairly over
+the bows of the vessel. With this exception, no accident or mischance
+marked the embarkation of Henry, which seemed to proceed under the most
+favourable auspices.
+</p>
+<p>
+His fleet consisted of more than a thousand vessels, and some swans having
+come to look at it, he declared this little mark of cygnal attention to be
+a capital omen. We must request the reader to bear in mind, that though
+all the authorities justify us in announcing one thousand as the number of
+the ships constituting Henry's fleet, we should not advise anyone to
+believe the statement, who has not had an opportunity of counting the
+vessels. Either the ships in those days were very small, or Southampton
+harbour has been fearfully contracted by the contractors who have since
+undertaken to widen it. We have been accustomed to place implicit faith in
+the rule of arithmetic, that "a thousand into one won't go!" nor do we
+feel disposed to alter our impression in favour of a thousand of Henry's
+ships being able to go into Southampton harbour. We suspect that a hundred
+would have been nearer the mark, for posterity is greatly in the habit of
+putting on an O, and really believing there is nothing in it.
+</p>
+<p>
+Whatever the numerical strength of Henry's fleet may have been, it is
+certain that he entered the mouth of the Seine, which made no attempt to
+show its teeth, and he landed on the 13th of August, three miles from
+Harfleur, without any resistance. He severely deprecated all excesses
+against the peaceful inhabitants, but he nevertheless besieged the
+fortress of Harfleur with tremendous energy; so that his conduct towards
+the natives was a good deal like that of the individual who knocked
+another downstairs with numerous apologies for being under the painful
+necessity of doing so.
+</p>
+<p>
+The siege was under the conduct of "Master Giles," the Wellington of the
+period. Master Giles must have been somewhat of a bungler, for he was not
+successful until he had lost nearly all his men, and been six-and-thirty
+days routing out the garrison. Even then the foe surrendered through being
+too ill to fight, rather than from having got much the worst of it.
+Henry's army was also reduced to a pack of invalids, and his ships were
+turned into infirmaries for his soldiers. Though the troops were
+wretchedly indisposed, Henry himself was only sick of doing nothing, and
+he accordingly sent a challenge by a friend to the dauphin of France,
+inviting him to a single combat.
+</p>
+<p>
+The feelings of Louis were not in correspondence with those of the English
+king, whose invitation to a hostile <i>t�te-d-t�te</i> was never answered.
+The friend sent by Henry was not by any means the sort of person to tempt
+the representative of Young France to a hostile meeting.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0100" id="linkimage-0100"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/265m.jpg" alt="265m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/265.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The bearer of the challenge was, in fact, a walking pattern of what the
+dauphin might expect to become in the event of his engaging in a duel. A
+countenance which looked more like a mug that had been cracked and riveted
+in twenty places, was the letter of recommendation presented by Henry's
+second. As the friend was evidently not a man to take a denial, Henry?
+(Louis) contented himself with scratching off a few hieroglyphics on a
+sheet of paper&mdash;to make believe that he was writing a note&mdash;and
+hastily seizing an envelope, he sealed and delivered the delusive missive.
+Henry's friend went away satisfied, with the full conviction that he was
+taking back an acceptance of his master's challenge, but when the
+communication came to be opened, the English king was indignant at the
+hoax that had been played upon him.
+</p>
+<p>
+Finding himself foiled in an attempt to settle his dispute by single
+combat, Henry called over the muster-roll of his troops, which presented a
+frightful number of vacancies since the making up of his last army list.
+He had lost several hands from his first foot, and he was compelled to say
+to his adjutant, "Really, if we go on at this rate we shall be compelled
+to notify that <i>Nobody</i> is promoted <i>vice</i> <i>Everybody</i>,
+killed, or retired."
+</p>
+<p>
+His entire force having dwindled down to the mere shadow of its former
+self, he was advised to get home as speedily as possible. "No," he
+replied, "I have no notion of coming all this way for nothing, and I shall
+see a little more of this good land of France before I go back again." The
+army, which was nearly all under the doctor's hands, seemed, upon being
+drawn up in marching order, far fitter to go to bed than to go to battle.
+Every regiment required medical regimen, and when the soldiers should have
+been sitting with their feet in hot water and comforters round their
+throats, they were required, with a callous indifference to their state of
+health, to march towards Calais.
+</p>
+<p>
+The journey began on the 6th of October, when the French king and the
+dauphin had a large force at Rouen, while the Constable of France was in
+front of the English, with an army consisting of the very pick of Picardy.
+In passing through Normandy Henry met with no opposition, but his
+movements were watched by a large force, which kept continually cutting
+off stragglers, or in military language, clipping the wings of his army.
+Those who lingered in the rear, or, as it were hung out behind like a
+piece of a pocket-handkerchief protruding from the skirts of the main
+body, were cut off with merciless alacrity. The English continued to be
+dreadfully ill, and were proper subjects for the <i>Hotel des Invalides</i>,
+but they nevertheless pursued their march with indomitable courage. In
+crossing the river Bresle, beyond Dieppe, they made a decided splash; but
+the garrison of Eu interrupted them in their cold bath, though with very
+little effect, for the French leader was killed and his followers were
+driven back to the ramparts. On reaching the Somme the English army found
+both banks so strongly fortified, that had they resorted to the most
+desperate hazard, or played any other reckless game, breaking the banks
+would have been impossible.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry consulted with his friends as to the best means of getting across,
+but nothing was suggested, except to tunnel under the banks and dive along
+the bottom of the stream; but this was objected to for divers reasons.
+Henry kept marching up the left bank of the river, in the hope of finding
+a favourable opportunity to dash across; but every attempt terminated in
+making ducks and drakes of his brave soldiers. Wherever a chance appeared
+to present itself he tried it, but without success, for the river had been
+filled with stakes, though the extent of the stakes did not prevent him
+from carrying on the game as long as possible. At length, on reaching
+Nesle he hit the right nail on the head, for running across a temporary
+bridge near the spot, he found the accommodation passable.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Constable of France, on hearing what had occurred, retired to St. Pol,
+like a poltroon, and sent heralds to Henry, advising him to avoid a
+battle, for the French fully intended to give it him. The constable then
+fell back upon Agincourt, in which direction the English army prepared to
+follow him. On the 24th of October, Henry and his soldiers came in sight
+of the enemy's outposts, and their columns served as advertising columns
+to indicate their position. During the night it is said that the English
+played on their trumpets, so that the whole neighbourhood resounded with
+the noise; but as they were all very tired, and had gone to sleep, it is
+probable that the only music heard by the inhabitants emanated from the
+nasal organs of the slumbering soldiers. By the French the night was
+passed in noise and revelry; but the English were chiefly absorbed in
+repose, or occupied in making their last wills and testaments. These were
+far more suitable employments than the performance of those concerted
+pieces which would only have disconcerted the plans of their leaders.
+</p>
+<p>
+The moon, which on that occasion was up all night, enabled the English
+officers to ascertain the quality of the ground that the French occupied.
+The constable stuck the royal banner into the middle of the Calais road,
+an achievement which the muddy nature of the soil, rendered softer by the
+drizzly rain, prevented from being at all difficult. The French took the
+usual means of counteracting the effect of external wet by internal
+soaking. "Every man," says the chronicler, "dydde drynke lyke a fyshe,"
+though the simile does not hold, for we never yet found one of the finny
+tribe who was given to the sort of liquor that the French were imbibing
+before Agincourt. They passed round the cup so rapidly that, what with the
+clayey nature of the soil and the whirl of excitement into which their
+heads were thrown, they found it almost impossible to preserve their
+respective equilibria. They floundered about in the most disgraceful
+manner, and there was "many a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip" on that
+memorable occasion. In addition to the excesses of the table, they availed
+themselves of the resources of the multiplication table, by calculating
+the amount of ransoms they should receive for the English king and the
+great barons, whom they made sure of capturing. Thus, in the agreeable but
+delusive occupation of turning their imaginations into poultry-yards, and
+stocking them with ideal chickens that were never destined to be hatched,
+did the French pass the night before the battle. Still, there was a
+melancholy mixed with the mirth in the minds of many, who, in the midst of
+the general counting of the phantom pullets, found sad thoughts to brood
+over. It so happened that there were scarcely any musical instruments
+among the French, and their horses, it was remarked, never once neighed
+during the night, which was thought to be ominous of bad, for if a dismal
+foreboding intruded, there was not even an animal to say "neigh" to it.
+Some of the older and more experienced officers were seized with gloomy
+anticipations, but they were either coughed, laughed, or clamoured down;
+and when the veteran Duke of Berri ventured to allude to Poictiers, on
+which occasion the French had been equally sanguine, he was tauntingly
+nicknamed the Blackberry for his sombre sentiments. To add to the
+discomfort of the troops, there was a deficiency of hay and straw for the
+use of the cavalry. The piece of ground where the horses had been taken in
+to bait was a perfect pool, in which the poor creatures could be watered,
+it is true, but could not enjoy any other refreshment. The earth had
+proved itself indeed a toper, according to the song, and had moistened its
+clay to such a degree that everyone who came in contact with it found
+himself placed on a most uncomfortable footing. However resolved the
+French might have been to make a stand on the day of battle, it was
+impossible for them to make any stand at all on the night preceding it.
+</p>
+<p>
+At early dawn Henry got up in excellent spirits, and declared himself
+ready to answer the communication of the French constable, which he had
+received some time before, advising him to treat or retreat, and which had
+hitherto remained unresponded to. A movement of astonishment was evinced
+by his followers at the announcement of the English king's intention to
+reply to the message he had received, but when he said, "I shall trouble
+him with three lines, which may extend to three columns," and proceeded to
+divide his army into that form, the gallant soldiers understood and
+cheered his meaning. The archers were placed in front, and every one of
+them had at least four strings to his bow, in the shape of a billhook, a
+hatchet, a hammer, and a long thick stake, in addition to his stock of
+arrows.
+</p>
+<p>
+Having made these preparations, Henry mounted a little grey pony and
+reviewed his army. He wore his best Sunday helmet of polished steel, which
+had received, expressly for the occasion, an extra leathering, and on the
+top of that he wore a crown of gold richly set with jewels. In this
+headgear he presented such a dazzling spectacle to the enemy, that it
+would have been almost as difficult to take an aim at the sun itself as at
+the blazing and brilliant English leader. As he rode from rank to rank, he
+had an encouraging word for every soldier; and his familiar "Ha, Briggs,"
+to one; his cheerful "What, Jones, is that you, my boy?" to another; and
+his invigorating "Up, Smith, and at 'em!" to a third, contributed greatly
+to increase the confidence of his men and strengthen their attachment to
+their general. "As for me," he said, "you'll have to pay no ransom for me,
+as I've fully made up my mind to die or to conquer."
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0101" id="linkimage-0101"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/268m.jpg" alt="268m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/268.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+On passing one of the divisions, he heard Walter Hungerford&mdash;the
+original proprietor of Hungerford Stairs&mdash;regretting there were not
+more of them. "What do we want with more?" �xclaimed Henry. "I would not
+have an <i>extra</i> man if you would give him me. If we are to fall, the
+fewer the better, and if we are to conquer, I would not have one pair of
+additional hands to pick a single leaf of our laurels." The French were at
+least six to one of the English, but the former were horridly out of
+condition on the night before the battle. They wore long coats of steel
+down to their knees, which gave them the look of animated meat screens,
+and the armour they carried on their legs served to complete the
+resemblance. "They wore a quantity of harness on the upper part of their
+bodies," says M. Nicolas, but he does not tell us whether the harness
+consisted of horse collars, which by being grinned through would have
+enabled them to advance towards the foe with a smiling aspect. The ground
+was remarkably soft, and the French troops being exceedingly heavy, they
+kept sticking in the mud at every step, while the ensigns, who had the
+additional weight of their flags, got planted in the ground like a row of
+standards. The horses were up to their knees in no time, and when they
+attempted to pull up they found the operation quite impossible. Henry had
+declared he would roll the enemy in the dust, but the wet had laid all the
+dust, and he must have rolled them in the mud if he had rolled them in
+anything. The French are said by a recent historian * to have been
+suffering under a "moral vertigo," but as the vertigo had been brought on
+by drinking on the previous night, the morality of the "vertigo" will bear
+questioning. They had got themselves into a field between two woods, where
+they had no room to "deploy," and they were tumbling over each other like
+a pack of cards, or a regiment of tin soldiers. Though they had imbibed a
+large quantity of wine and spirits, the rain, which fell in torrents, only
+added water to what they had drunk, and threw them into what is
+technically termed a "groggy" condition. Henry compared them to so many
+tumblers of rum-and-water, so comical was their appearance as they fell
+about in a state of soaked stupidity. To increase their confusion, the
+Constable of France was unable to keep order, for several young sprigs of
+French nobility were all tendering their advice, and thus there were not
+only cooks enough to spoil the broth, but to make a regular hash of it.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Macfarlane. Cabinet History, vol. v., p. 21.
+</pre>
+<p>
+At length, about the hour of noon, Henry gave the word to begin by
+exclaiming "Banners, advance!" and at the same moment Sir Thomas
+Erpingham, a grey old knight, who appears to have been a kind of military
+pantaloon, threw his truncheon into the air with true pantomimic activity.
+"Now, strike!" exclaimed the veteran, as he performed this piece of
+buffoonery, and followed it up with the words "Go it!" "At 'em again!"
+"Serve 'em right!" and "Give it 'em!" The French fought bravely, and
+Messire Clignet, of Brabant, charged with twelve hundred horse, exclaiming
+"Mountjoye, St. Denis!" when down he fell, on the soft and slippery
+ground, like a horse on the wooden pavement. Everywhere the French cavalry
+cut the most eccentric capers; and even when there was an opportunity of
+advancing, the advantage seemed to slip from under them, for the ground
+was as bad as ground glass to stand upon. The English archers rushed among
+the steel-clad knights, who were as stiff as so many pokers&mdash;though
+not one of them could stir&mdash;and they were thus caught in their own
+steel traps, or trappings. The Constable of France was killed, and the
+flower of the French chivalry was nipped in the bud, or, rather,
+experienced a blow of a fatal character.
+</p>
+<p>
+"This is a very hard case, indeed," roared one of the victims, as he
+pointed to his suit of steel, which rendered him incapable of fighting or
+running away, though he was quite ready for either. But the hardest part
+of all was the softness of the ground, into which the French kept sinking
+so rapidly that they might as well have fought on the Goodwin Sands as on
+the field of Agincourt. The weight of their armour caused them to
+disappear every now and then, like the Light of All Nations, on the spot
+we have just named, and an old French warrior&mdash;one of the heavy
+fathers of that day&mdash;was seen to subside so completely in the mud,
+that in a few minutes he had left only his hair apparent. The English, who
+were lightly clad, kept up wonderfully under the fatigues of the day, and
+some of them performed prodigies of valour. Henry himself seems to have
+acquitted himself in a Style quite worthy of Shaw, or Pshaw, the Life
+Guardsman. His majesty was charged by a band of eighteen knights, whom it
+is said he overcame, but it is much more likely that finding themselves
+ready to sink into the earth, they were compelled to knock under.
+</p>
+<p>
+Their cause was desperate, it was neck or nothing with many; but as they
+became immersed in the soil by degrees, it was neck first, and nothing
+shortly afterwards. The Duke of Alen�on made a momentary effort to be
+vigorous, in spite of his steel petticoats, and gave Henry a blow on the
+head that broke off a bit of the crown which he had been wearing over his
+helmet. This <i>embarras des chapeaux</i>, or inconvenient superfluity of
+hats, was a weakness Henry was subject to, and there was no harm in his
+being made to pay for it. The Duke of Alen�on had no sooner broken the
+king's crown than he received a fracture in his own, which proved fatal.
+The battle was now over, and the English began to secure prisoners, taking
+from each captive his cap, or hat, but it is to be presumed giving a
+ticket to each, by which all would get back their own helmets. Henry
+having taken it into his head that the battle was going to be renewed,
+ordered the prisoners to be killed; but he afterwards apologised for his
+mistake, though posterity has never been satisfied with the excuse he
+offered. As far as we have been able to learn the particulars of this
+atrocious blunder, it arose in the following manner. The priests of the
+English army&mdash;with a sort of instinctive tendency to taking care of
+themselves&mdash;were sitting amongst the baggage. Henry, hearing a noise
+among the reverend gentlemen, looked round, and found them apparently
+threatened with an attack from what he thought was a hostile force, but
+which turned out to be a few peasants, who were scrambling with the
+priests for a share of the luggage. This attempted appropriation of church
+property was resisted by a vigorous ecclesiastical clamour, which led
+Henry to believe there had been a rally among the foe, and that the
+priests were giving the signal. Had he been aware that they were crying
+out before they were hurt, there is every reason to believe that he would
+not have issued the mandate which has so much compromised his otherwise
+fair average character. The French loss at the battle of Agincourt was
+quite incredible, but not a bit the less historical on that account, for
+if history were to reject all that cannot be believed its dimensions would
+be fearfully crippled.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0102" id="linkimage-0102"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/271m.jpg" alt="271m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/271.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The English, sinking under the weight of their booty, as well as the mud
+on their boots, marched towards Calais. Henry's army was reduced almost to
+a skeleton, but he used to say jocosely, that with that skeleton key he
+would find an opening anywhere. Though rich in conquest, he was short of
+cash, and as England was always the place for getting money, he determined
+on hastening thither. The people received him with enthusiasm, and at
+Dover they rushed into the sea to carry him on shore, so that he literally
+came in on the shoulders of the people. Proud of this popular pickaback,
+he made a speech amid the general waving of hats, which was responded to
+by the gentle waving of the ocean. The tide, however, began to rise, when
+Henry cut short the proceedings of the meeting between himself and his
+subjects by exclaiming, "But on, my friends, to the shore, for this is not
+the place for dry discussion."
+</p>
+<p>
+On his way up to town each city vied with the other in loyalty. Rochester
+contended with Canterbury, Chatham struggled with Gravesend, and
+Blackheath entered into a single combat with Green-wich; Deptford ran
+itself into debt, which it retains nominally to this day; and the
+Bricklayers presented their arms to Henry as he passed into the
+metropolis. In London he was met by the Lords and Commons, the mayor,
+aldermen, and citizens; but the sweetest music was that made by the wine
+as it poured down the streets, and caught a guttural sound as it turned
+in�o the gutters. Many a bottle of fine old crusted port was mulled by
+being thrown into the thoroughfare, and though it might have been good
+enough to have spoken for itself, it ran itself down through the highways
+with much energy. Nor was this enthusiasm confined to hollow words, for
+all the supplies which the king requested were freely voted him. It was
+only for Henry to ask and have, at this auspicious moment; and if, like
+some children, he had cried for the moon, it is not unlikely that his
+subjects, in the excess of their loyalty, would have promised to give it
+him.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the spring of the year 1416, London was enlivened by a visit from the
+Emperor Sigismund. He imparted considerable gaiety to the season, and his
+entry into the city gave occasion for a general holiday. His object was to
+endeavour to effect a coalition between the two rival popes, and to get
+the kings of France and England to make it up if possible. He was followed
+by some French ambassadors who marred the harmony of the procession by
+looking daggers at the English nobles. Occasionally they proceeded from
+glances to gibes, which naturally led to pushes, that were only prevented
+from coming to blows by the sudden turning round of the emperor whenever
+he heard a disturbance going on amongst those who followed him.
+</p>
+<p>
+During Sigismund's stay in town, the French besieged Harfleur, which was
+guarded by the Earl of Dorset and a most unhealthy garrison. Toothache,
+elephantiasis, and sciatica, had so reduced the spirit of the English
+force that the Duke of Bedford, the king's brother, was sent to aid the
+Earl of Dorset, and the poor old pump was grateful for this timely
+succour. Bedford having put matters quite straight, returned to England,
+and Henry proposed a run over to Calais with his imperial visitor,
+Sigismund. Here a sort of Congress was held at which Henry made himself so
+popular, that his rights to the French throne were partially recognised.
+France was at this juncture in a very unpromising condition, for the royal
+family did nothing but quarrel and murder one another's favourites.
+Isabella, the queen, lived in hostility with the king, who arrested
+several of his wife's servants, and had one of them, whose name was
+Bois-Bourdon, sewn up in a leather-bag and thrown into the Seine, from
+which the notion of giving a servant the sack, on the occasion of his
+getting his discharge, no doubt takes its origin.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Dauphin John having died, he was succeeded by his brother Charles, a
+boy of sixteen, who was continually fighting with his own mother, and
+getting a good deal the worst of it. This state of things tempted Henry to
+bring an army into France in August, 1417, when, after the surrender of a
+few smaller places, he took Caen by assault, or rather by a good Caen
+pepper. In the ensuing year he undertook several sieges at once, and
+played with his artillery upon Cherbourg, Damfront, Lonviers, and Pont de
+l'Arohe as easily as the musician who plays simultaneously on six
+different instruments. His next important undertaking was the siege of
+Rouen, before which he sat down, and having looked at it through his
+glass, he made up his mind that starving it out was the only method of
+taking it. The inhabitants held out for some time on their provisions, but
+these being exhausted, they began to devour all sorts of trash, that was
+never intended for culinary purposes. <i>Soupe au shoe</i> became a common
+dish, and though for a brief period they had mutton chop <i>en papillotes</i>
+they were at last reduced to the <i>papillotes</i> without the meat, but
+with their tremendous twists they of course could not be expected to make
+a satisfactory meal off curl-papers. They accordingly surrendered, and
+Henry, on the 16th of January, 1419, entered Rouen, where ambassadors from
+the various factions in France were sent to him. He was, however, quite
+open to all, but decidedly influenced by none, and had a polite word for
+each, but a wink for those in his confidence, as he administered the
+blarney to the various legates. At length it was agreed that he should
+have an interview with the king and queen of France and the Duke of
+Burgundy.
+</p>
+<p>
+The French sovereign was not presentable when the day came, for excessive
+indulgence in wine had reduced him to a state from which all the
+soda-water in the world could not, at that moment, have recovered him.
+Henry, therefore, met the queen, who was attended by her lovely daughter,
+the Princess Catherine, and her cousin of Burgundy, while the English king
+was supported by his brothers, Clarence and Gloucester. The meeting was
+exceedingly ceremonious, and was conducted a good deal in the style of a
+medley dance, comprising the minuet, the figure <i>Pastorale</i> in the
+first set of quadrilles, and Sir Roger de Coverley. At a signal announced
+by the striking up of some music, Henry advanced first, performing as it
+were the <i>cavalier seul</i>, when the Princess Catherine and the queen,
+with the Duke of Burgundy between them, also advanced, until all met in
+the centre. Henry bowed to the queen, and took her hand, and then did the
+same with the Princess Catherine, a movement resembling the celebrated <i>chaine
+des dames</i>&mdash;and Burgundy fell in gracefully with what was going on
+by an occasional <i>balancez</i> to complete the action of the second
+couple.
+</p>
+<p>
+This was the first occasion upon which Henry had seen his intended bride,
+and whether in earnest or in sham he appeared to be at once struck by her
+surpassing beauty. He enacted the lover at first sight with a vigour that
+would have secured him a livelihood as a walking gentleman, had he lived
+in our own time, and been dependent for support on his theatrical
+abilities.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0103" id="linkimage-0103"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/274m.jpg" alt="274m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/274.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The whole day was spent in formalities, and Henry sat opposite to the
+princess till the close of the interview, looking unutterable, things, for
+she was so far off that it would have been vain to have uttered anything.
+In two days afterwards Henry and the queen paid each other a second formal
+visit; but the English king looked in vain for the young lady, who like a
+true <i>coquette</i>, seems to have kept away for the purpose of
+increasing the impatience of her lover. Her mother, with the tact of an
+old matchmaker, tried to get the best possible terms from Henry; but with
+all his affection, he would not stir from his resolution, to insist on
+having the possession of Normandy and a few other perquisites as the young
+lady's dowry.
+</p>
+<p>
+The French queen pretended to take time to consider his proposal, and
+seven formal interviews were held; but all of them were of so dull,
+stately, and slow a character, that no progress was made at any one of
+them. The fact is, that Henry was being humbugged, and if he had suspected
+as much during the seven first meetings, he was convinced of it at that,
+which should have been the eighth, for on going to keep his appointment he
+found neither the queen, the duke, the princess, nor any of the attendants
+of either of them. All ceremony was at an end, the diplomatic <i>quadrille</i>
+parties were broken up, and Henry, disgusted at having been made to dance
+attendance for nothing at all, became so angry that his brain began to
+reel on its own account, and he set off to his own quarters in a <i>galop</i>.
+He ascertained the truth to be, that the queen and Burgundy had made it up
+with the dauphin, whom they had gone to join, and the precious trio having
+sworn eternal friendship to each other, added a clause to the affidavit
+for the purpose of swearing eternal hatred to all Englishmen.
+</p>
+<p>
+Tired of kicking his heels about to no purpose, Henry determined on
+practising some entirely new steps; the first of which was to advance upon
+Pontoise and <i>chassez</i> the inhabitants. He then pushed on towards
+Paris, when Burgundy, fearful of a <i>rencontre</i>, retired from St.
+Denis, where he had taken up his position. Henry again offered to treat,
+but in sending in the particulars of his demand he added Pontoise to the
+list of places he should require to be transferred to his possession.
+</p>
+<p>
+The alliance between the dauphin and the Duke of Burgundy was as hollow as
+the hollow beech tree rendered famous by a series of single knocks at the
+hands, or, rather, at the beak, of the woodpecker. After a little
+negotiation, and a great deal of treachery, Burgundy, in spite of the
+warnings of several of his servants, was induced to visit the dauphin at
+Montereau. The duke went unarmed, on the assurance that he should return
+unharmed, and instead of his helmet he wore a velvet cap, which one of his
+attendants declared was a wonderful proof of soft-headedness. Burgundy, on
+coming into the presence of the heir to the throne of France, bent his
+knee; when the President of Provence whispered something in the dauphin's
+ear, and both began winking fearfully at a man with a battle-axe. The man
+with the battle-axe gave a significant nod, and dropped his weapon, as if
+by mistake, upon Burgundy; when the Sire de Navailles, a friend of the
+duke, pointing to the fearful dent the axe had made, exclaimed, "This is
+not a mere accident." This was immediately obvious; for several others
+rushed upon poor Burgundy, who devoted his last breath to exclaiming to
+the dauphin, "You are an ass&mdash;ass&mdash;" for he died before he could
+get the word ass&mdash;ass&mdash;in.
+</p>
+<p>
+Young Philip, the heir of Jean Sans-peur&mdash;-or Jack Dreadnought, as we
+should have translated this nickname of the Duke of Burgundy&mdash;succeeded
+to his father's estates, as well as becoming residuary legatee of the
+affections of most of his subjects. The dauphin's foul deed was execrated
+on all sides; for though the state of morals was low at the period of
+which we write, there was always a certain love of fair play inherent in
+the human character. The younger Burgundy was in a state of effervescence,
+and though he kept bottled up for a short time, his rage soon spirted out
+with fearful vehemence. He entered into a coalition with Henry, who
+stipulated for the hand of the Princess Catherine in possession, with the
+crown of France in reversion, and a few other trifling contingencies. In
+the year 1420, one day in the month of April&mdash;probably the first&mdash;the
+imbecile Charles, guided by Queen Isabella and the Duke of Burgundy, put
+his hand to the treaty. The unhappy monarch was in his usual state, when a
+pen having been thrust into his grasp, and while somebody held the
+document, somebody else directed the motion of the royal fingers. The
+treaty thus became disfigured by a series of scratches and blots which
+were declared to be the king's signature. An appendix to this document
+contained a fulsome panegyric on the English king, which wound up with a
+declaration of his fitness to succeed to the French crown, because "he had
+a noble person and a pleasing countenance." This shallow argument was
+intended to lead to the conclusion that he would treat his subjects
+handsomely; or that, at all events, should he ever reign over France, his
+rule would not be without some very agreeable features.
+</p>
+<p>
+In May of the same year&mdash;1420&mdash;Henry started for Troyes, where
+the young Duke of Burgundy and the French royal family were sojourning.
+The English king was all impatience to see his bride, and he found her
+sitting with her papa and mamma in the church of St. Peter. They had
+intended a little surprise for their illustrious visitor, and everything
+being ready beforehand, he was affianced on the spot to the lovely
+Catherine. They were regularly married. On the 2nd of June, and some of
+the gay young nobles hoped there would be a series of balls, dinner
+parties, and tournaments, in celebration of the wedding: Henry, however,
+declared he would have "no fuss," but that those who wanted to show their
+skill in jousting and tourneying might accompany him to Sens, which he
+purposed besieging on the second day after his marriage. He declined
+participating in the child's play of a tournament when there was so much
+real work to be done, "and as to feasting," he exclaimed, "let us give the
+people of Sens their whack, or, at all events, if we are to have a good
+blow-out, it must be by blowing the enemy out of the citadel." He
+proceeded at once with his beautiful bride from Troyes, and soon reaching
+Sens, he in two days frightened the inhabitants out of their Senses. They
+surrendered, and he then advanced to Montereau, which he took by assault&mdash;or
+rather, as one of the merry old chroniclers hath it, "which he took, not
+so much by assault as by a pepper." After besieging a few other places in
+France, Henry, in conjunction with Charles, the French king, made a
+triumphal entry into Paris. The inhabitants of that city gave him an
+enthusiastic reception, for, like the populace in every period, they were
+delighted at anything in the shape of change, and paid the utmost respect
+to those from whom they had experienced the greatest injury.
+</p>
+<p>
+In January, 1421, Henry being very short of cash, determined on going home
+to England, which was even in those days the most liberal paymaster to
+popular favourites. Having with him a good-looking queen, his reception in
+his own country was most gratifying, for the old clap-trap about "lovely
+woman" was inherent from the earliest periods in the English character.
+This fascinating female was crowned at Westminster Abbey with tremendous
+pomp, and the happy couple went "starring it" about the country in a royal
+progress immediately afterwards. Their success in the provinces was
+immense; but their pleasant engagements in their own country were soon
+brought to an end by the announcement that France was still in a state of
+turbulence, requiring the immediate presence of Henry in Paris.
+</p>
+<p>
+Having warmed his subjects' hearts, he struck while the iron was hot, and
+took an aim at their pockets. Parliament was in a capital humour, and came
+out splendidly with pecuniary votes for a new expedition. He left the
+queen at Windsor Castle, where she shortly after gave birth to a son; and
+having landed a large but very miscellaneous army at Calais, Henry marched
+to Paris, to reinforce the Duke of Exeter, who had been left there as
+governor. The English were successful at all points, and Queen Catherine
+having joined her husband, they held their court at the Louvre, where they
+sat in their coronation robes, with their crowns on their heads, as
+naturally as if they had formed a part of "the Royal Family at Home" in
+Madame Tussaud's far-famed collection of wax-work.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the midst of his victorious career in France, Henry had started off to
+the relief of a town invested by the dauphin&mdash;an investment that was
+profitable to nobody. The English king had reached Corbeil, when he was
+taking suddenly ill, and throwing himself on a litter, he declared himself
+to be literally tired out with his exertions. Having been taken home to
+the neighbourhood of Vincennes, and put to bed, he summoned his brother,
+the Duke of Bedford, and some other nobles, to whom he recommended amity;
+but, above all, he advised them to continue the alliance with Burgundy,
+whose habit of sticking to his friends has given the name of Burgundy to
+the well-known pitch plaster. Having appointed his brothers Gloucester and
+Bedford regents, the one for England and the other for France, during the
+minority of his son, he seemed perfectly resigned; but his attendants
+literally roared like a parcel of children, so that he was compelled to
+tell them that crying would do no good to anybody. He died on the 31st of
+August, 1422, aged thirty-four, having reigned ten years with some credit
+to himself, and in full, as far as conquest may be desirable, with
+advantage to his country.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the death of a king, it had been usual for the attendants to rush
+helter-skelter out of the room, and ransack the house of the deceased
+monarch, while his successor generally made the best of his way down to
+the treasury. Henry the Fifth was an exception to the rule, for he had
+earned so much respect in his lifetime, that at his death there was no
+indecorum, but a desire was manifested to give him the benefit of a
+decent, and indeed a magnificent, funeral. When a king of England had died
+abroad on previous occasions, his remains were seldom thought worthy of
+the expense of carriage to his own country; but in this instance no outlay
+was considered too extravagant to bestow on the funeral procession of the
+sovereign. Hundreds of mutes followed, with that mute solemnity which is
+the origin of their name: and on this occasion there were hundreds of
+knights, all in the deepest mourning. Several esquires had their armour
+black-leaded, and their plumes dyed in ink, while the king of Scotland
+acted as chief mourner, and the widow of the deceased sovereign came in at
+the end of the gloomy retinue. On its arrival in England, when it drew
+near London, fifteen bishops popped on their pontifical attire, and ran to
+meet it; while the abbots, taking down their mitres from the hat-pegs in
+the halls of their houses, sallied forth to join the sad procession. The
+remains of the king were carried to Westminster Abbey, and consigned to
+the tomb with every token of esteem, and the reverence it had been
+customary to show to the rising sun alone, was on this occasion extended
+to the luminary that had just set in unusual glory. The queen, desirous of
+evincing her affection for such a prince, caused a silver-gilt statue as
+large as life to be placed on the top of his monument. This piece of
+extravagance was, however, before the invention of British Plate, or that
+"perfect substitute for silver," which is a perfect substitute in
+everything but value, strength, purity, appearance, and durability.
+</p>
+<p>
+In painting the character of Henry the Fifth, the English historians have
+used the most brilliant colours, while the French writers have thrown in
+some shades of the most Indian-inky blackness. The former have been lavish
+in the use of <i>couleur de rose</i>, while the latter have selected the
+very darkest hues, and, indeed, produced a picture resembling those dingy
+profiles which give a hard outline of the features, but render it
+impossible for us to judge of the aspect or complexion of the original. It
+is for us to look at both sides, like the apparently inconsistent
+pendulum, which, by constantly oscillating from right to left, becomes the
+instrument of furnishing a faithful record of the time.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry the Fifth was devoted to the happiness of his people; but he had
+sometimes an odd way of showing his attachment, by ill-using the few for
+the satisfaction of the many. Thus, he persecuted the Lollards in the most
+cruel manner, out of the purest condescension towards the clergy, who had
+got up a clamour against the sect alluded to. This obliging disposition
+may be carried too far, when it urges the commission of an injustice to
+one party, in order to favour another, and the persecution of the Lollards
+at the call of the clergy was a good deal like an acquiescence in a cry of
+"throw him over" got up in the gallery of a theatre, against some
+unfortunate who may have incurred the momentary displeasure of a "generous
+British audience."
+</p>
+<p>
+The military exploits of Henry the Fifth have been praised by English
+historians, but the French writers have contrived to show that even the
+battle of Agincourt was nothing more than a mistake, s like the one which
+happened at Waterloo about four centuries afterwards.
+</p>
+<p>
+"He ought to have been conquered at Agincourt," say the annalists of
+France, but we are quite content that his conduct was not precisely what
+it ought to have been&mdash;according to them&mdash;on this great
+occasion.
+</p>
+<p>
+Some praise, has been given him for his tact in negotiating with the Duke
+of Burgundy and the dauphin at the same time, but we must confess that our
+notions of honour do not permit us to approve the act of temporising with
+two parties for the purpose of joining that which might prove to be the
+strongest. He was brave, beyond a doubt, but he was cruel in the treatment
+of some of the prisoners who fell into his hands, and we cannot give him
+the benefit of the presumption suggested by a French historian, that if he
+hanged a quantity of unfortunate captives, he had probably very good
+reasons of his own for doing so. *
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Pour les autres qui furent ex�cut�s dans le m�me temps
+j'en ignore les raisons, mais il est � pr�sumer, &amp;c., &amp;c.&mdash;
+Rapin, tom, iii, p. 504.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Among the other defects attributed to the character of Henry the Fifth is
+a degree of shabbiness towards the people in his employ, whom he is said
+to have paid very inadequately for their services. Considering, however,
+that the liberality of kings is often practised at the expense of the
+people, and that Henry was so crippled in his own means that the crown
+jewels were, on one occasion, pawned, we have no right to blame him for
+refusing to reward his soldiers with what could only have been the
+proceeds of plunder.
+</p>
+<p>
+In person Henry the Fifth was tall and majestic, but his neck was a little
+too long, which may have given him that supercilious air for which some of
+his biographers have censured him. In his social habits he resembled the
+celebrated Mynheer Von Dunk, of antiintoxication notoriety, for Henry
+"never got drunk," even with success, which is of all things the most
+fatal to temperance.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0023" id="link2HCH0023"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE THIRD. HENRY THE SIXTH, SURNAMED OF WINDSOR.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0104" id="linkimage-0104"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/280m.jpg" alt="280m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/280.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+THE SIXTH was not out of his long frocks when he came to the throne, for
+he had not yet completed the ninth month of his little existence. Though
+he succeeded peacefully to the crown, he was in arms from the first hour
+of his reign; and though he was not born literally with a silver spoon in
+his mouth, he had one there on his accession to the throne, for he was
+being fed at the very moment that the news of his father's death was
+announced in the royal nursery. It is easy to conceive the interesting
+proceedings that took place on its being proclaimed that the child, then
+in the act of having its food, had become the king of England. A clean bib
+was instantly brought, and he was apostrophised as a little "Kingsey
+Pingsey," a "Monarchy Ponarchy," and was addressed by many other of those
+titles of affectionate loyalty which are to be found nowhere but in the
+nursery dialect. A Parliament was summoned to meet in November, 1422, and,
+the regency being a good thing, there commenced a desperate struggle as to
+who should be allowed to have and to hold the baby. The Duke of Gloucester
+claimed the post of nurse, in the absence of his elder brother, the Duke
+of Bedford. The lords named the latter President of the Council, but while
+he was away the former was permitted to act as his deputy, and, what was
+more to Gloucester's purpose, he was allowed to receive the salary of
+�5333 per annum. Having got the money and the power, Gloucester was not
+particularly anxious to have the charge of the royal baby, who was
+accordingly handed over to the Earl of Warwick, jointly with Henry
+Beaufort, Bishop of Winchester, a half-brother of Henry the Fourth, who
+had also a high seat&mdash;convenient, by-the-way, for the infant king&mdash;in
+the council.
+</p>
+<p>
+This Beaufort was the second son of John of Gaunt, and founder of the
+illustrious family of the Beauforts, who derive their original nobility
+from an ancestor who was <i>beau</i> and <i>fort</i>&mdash;strong as well
+as good-looking. If aristocracy in these days were derivable from the same
+source, the handsome and brawny drayman might take his seat in the House
+of Lords, while ticket-porters, coalheavers, railway navigators, and other
+representatives of the physical force party would constitute an extensive
+peerage, of what dramatic authors, when they write for the gallery, are in
+the habit of apostrophising as "Nature's noblemen." The Beauforts, besides
+the good looks and strength of their founder, had collateral claims to
+muscular eminence. The uncle of the first Beaufort was called John of
+Gaunt, from his gaunt or gigantic stature; and one of the family had been,
+in 1397, created Duke of Somerset, most likely on account of the somersets
+he was able to turn by sheer force of sinew.
+</p>
+<p>
+We beg pardon for this slight digression, but as there are many who take a
+deep and reverential interest in everything appertaining to rank, it may
+be gratifying to them to know the precise origin of some of our most
+ancient and most aristocratic families.
+</p>
+<p>
+Let us then resume the thread of our history. Bedford was still in France,
+and, in the month of October, King Charles the Sixth expired at Paris. The
+dauphin was at Auvergne, with a set of six or seven seedy followers, who
+could not muster the means of proclaiming him in a respectable manner.
+They hurried off altogether to a little roadside chapel, and having one
+banner among the whole lot, with the French arms upon it, they raised it
+amid feeble shouts of "Long live the king," aided by a few "hurrahs" from
+some urchins on the exterior of the building. This farce having been
+performed, and the title given to it of "The proclamation of Charles the
+Seventh," the party repaired to luncheon at the king's lodgings. Having
+come into a little money by the death of his father, he went with a few
+friends to Poictiers, where a coronation, upon a limited scale, was
+performed, at an expense exceedingly moderate.
+</p>
+<p>
+While this contemptible affair was going on in a French province, the Duke
+of Bedford was busy, in Paris, getting up a demonstration in favour of the
+infant Henry. Fealty was sworn towards the British baby in various great
+towns of France; and Bedford, anxious to cement the alliance with
+Burgundy, married the duke's sister, Anne; though it seems strange that he
+should have calculated upon a marriage as a source of harmony. He must
+have had a strong faith in wedded life, to have anticipated a good
+understanding as the effect of that which so frequently opens the door to
+perpetual discord.
+</p>
+<p>
+While Bedford was making strenuous exertions to promote the ascendency of
+the English in France, the nominal king of that country, Charles the
+Seventh, had given himself up to selfish indulgences. His energies were
+diluted in drink; but a few vigorous men, who were about him, forced him
+occasionally into the field, from which he always sneaked out on the first
+opportunity. He was compelled to engage in two or three actions, and was
+defeated in all, though he had the benefit of about seven thousand Scotch,
+under the command of the Earl of Buchan; and threatened to cure his
+enemies of their hostility by administering a few doses of Buchan's
+domestic medicine. After two or three reverses, Charles thought his army
+strong enough to attempt to relieve the town of Ivry, which, in the summer
+of 1424, was besieged by the Duke of Bedford.
+</p>
+<p>
+Charles's force consisted of a strange mixture of Scotchmen, Italians, and
+Frenchmen, who were all continually giving way to their national
+prejudices, and quarrelling in broken French, broken Italian, or broken
+Scotch,&mdash;which is a dialect something between a sneeze, a snore, and
+a howl, spiced with a dash of gutturalism, and mixed together in a whine
+of surpassing mournfulness. The French declared the Scotch were
+mercenaries, who had an "itching palm;" but the Scotch savagely replied,
+that "they came to the scratch with a true itch for glory."
+</p>
+<p>
+While the three parties were engaged in a vigorous self-assertion, and
+were loud in praise of their own valour, they caught a glimpse of the
+English force&mdash;and, halting in dismay, retreated without drawing a
+sword. The garrison of Ivry, which had been waiting the approach of its
+friends, who were to do such wonders, and had been watching the scene with
+intense anxiety from the battlements, could only murmur out the words
+"pitiful humbugs," and surrender at discretion.
+</p>
+<p>
+By some lucky chance&mdash;or, as other historians have it, by the revolt
+of the inhabitants&mdash;Charles and his mongrel army had got possession
+of the town of Vemeuil, which was a very strong position. They had
+scarcely got snugly in, when the Duke of Bedford presented himself before
+the walls, and a council was instantly held, to consider how they should
+get out again. Everybody talked at once, and a mixed jargon of Scotch and
+French, flavoured occasionally with a little Italian sauce, was the only
+result of the deliberation of the gallant army. At length, by common
+consent, they ran away, preferring to fight in an open field, if they must
+fight at all&mdash;for there would then be more margin for escape, or
+latitude for bolting, in the event of their getting the worst of it.
+</p>
+<p>
+So rapid was their desertion of the town, that they left behind them all
+their luggage, which was perhaps a wise precaution, for they were thus
+enabled to run the faster, in case of having to execute a retreat, which
+was one of the military manouvres in which they had had the most
+experience.
+</p>
+<p>
+The two armies were now in presence of each other, and on both sides the
+feeling was like that of the young lady who "wondered when them figures
+was a-going to move," at an exhibition of wax-work. The Earl of Douglas,
+with Scotch caution, wanted to wait, but the Count of Narbonne, with
+French impetuosity, was for making a beginning, and rushed forward,
+shouting "Mountjoye St. Denis!"&mdash;which was synonymous, in those days,
+with "Go it!" in ours. The whole line followed, helter-skelter and
+pell-mell, so that when they got up to the stakes the English had run into
+the ground&mdash;to show, perhaps, they had a stake in the country&mdash;the
+French were out of breath, out of sorts, and out of order. They were
+miserably panting, but not panting for glory, and the punches in the ribs
+they got from the English, made them roar out like so many paviours in
+full work&mdash;as they always are&mdash;down Fleet Street. Their
+temporary want of wind was soon changed into permanent breathlessness, and
+thus, in spite of all their boasting, there was a miserable end to their
+puffing.
+</p>
+<p>
+The battle was very severe, for they had been "at it" for three hours.
+Douglas, it being before the time when "the blood of Douglas could protect
+itself," was slain. Buchan, who had been taunted by his allies with being
+nothing better than a buccaneer, also fell, and the French lost a
+countless number of counts, as well as a host of miscellaneous soldiers.
+The Italians, who had boastingly called themselves the Italian cream of
+the army, turned out to be the merest milksops, and kept as much out of
+harm's way as possible. The Duke of Bedford ordered the heads of several
+prisoners to be cut off, and the Bedford executions were so numerous, that
+the heads-man's axe got the name of "the Bedford level."
+</p>
+<p>
+The battle of Vemeuil had been fought on the 17th of August, 1424, and
+Charles the Seventh seemed on the eve of bankruptcy; both in cash and
+credit. His money was all gone, and his friends had&mdash;of course&mdash;gone
+after it. Fortune, however, favoured him, at the expense of his enemies,
+for they began to disagree with each other. To say that there was a
+quarrel is equivalent to saying that there was a woman in the case, and
+the woman was&mdash;upon this occasion&mdash;the celebrated Jacqueline of
+Hainault. This prize specimen of a virago was the daughter of the Count of
+Hainault, and the niece of John the Merciless, from whom she inherited all
+that coarse unwomanly bluster, which, in one of the fair sex, is called by
+courtesy "a proper spirit." She had been married to a little bit of a boy
+of fifteen, her cousin-german and her godson,&mdash;an urchin commonly
+known as John Duke of Brabant. Jacqueline, who was beautiful and bold, was
+no match&mdash;or, rather, was more than a match&mdash;for a stripling not
+half way through his teens at the time of his marriage. The puny lad had
+got into bad company, and was surrounded by a set of low favourites. The
+masculine Jacqueline was not exactly the woman to submit tamely to any
+injury, and taking offence at one of her boy-husband's friends, she had
+him murdered.
+</p>
+<p>
+This stamped her as that most objectionable of characters, an acknowledged
+heroine, and she became "a woman of strong mind" in all the chronicles of
+the period. Her liliputian husband was persuaded to retaliate by
+dismissing all his wife's ladies-in-waiting, upon which Jacqueline became
+a greater vixen than ever.
+</p>
+<p>
+After a powerful scene of domestic pantomime, in which she alternately
+tore her hair and that of her husband, she declared her determination to
+leave him. "A thplendid riddanthe," lisped the aggravating boy; upon which
+Jacqueline, making another rush at his hair, and taking a large lock of it
+in her hands&mdash;not, however, to be preserved as a pledge of affection&mdash;she
+hurried off to Valenciennes, and thence to Calais. The runaway next made
+for England, where she remained on a visit with Henry's queen, Catherine,
+at Windsor Castle. Here she soon began flirting with the king's brother,
+the Duke of Gloucester, and though the poor man was not deeply in love
+with her, he was persuaded to agree to a marriage.
+</p>
+<p>
+Jacqueline being already the wife of another, was compelled to seek a
+dispensation from Pope Martin V., but he looked at the matter with an
+unfavourable eye, when Jacqueline, making a coarse allusion to her own eye
+and a female branch of the Martin family, despatched a messenger to the
+opposition pope, the thirteenth Benedict. Being a Benedict he could not
+consistently oppose a marriage, and he granted the dispensation
+immediately.
+</p>
+<p>
+Gloucester, who had determined on making his new wife profitable, if she
+could not be pleasant, claimed without delay her possessions in Hainault,
+Holland, and elsewhere, which she had inherited. It was a few weeks after
+the battle of Vemeuil, which we have recently described, that Gloucester
+and his considerably better-half&mdash;in quantity if not in quality&mdash;started
+off with a large army to take possession of Hainault. They soon frightened
+the inhabitants of the capital, of which they made themselves master and
+mistress, without any previous warning. Philip, Duke of Burgundy, the
+uncle of the boy-Duke of Brabant, was very angry at the lad's wife coming
+to cheat the boy, as it were, out of his property. After a good deal of
+hard struggling to keep his position at Hainault, Gloucester came to the
+determination that his wife was not worth the bother she occasioned him,
+and he accordingly went home, leaving her to defend herself as well as she
+could, when she was instantly besieged, given up to the Duke of Burgundy,
+by the inhabitants of Mons, and sent to Ghent in close imprisonment.
+</p>
+<p>
+Neither bolts nor bars could restrain the impetuosity of this tremendous
+woman, who burst from her prison, ana putting on male attire, which became
+her much better than her own, she escaped into Holland. It was not to be
+expected that a fighting woman would remain very long without followers,
+and the "Hainault Slasher"&mdash;as Jacqueline might justly be called&mdash;soon
+mustered a strong party in her favour. The novelty of going to battle with
+a woman for a leader told well at first, but as the attraction wore off
+her soldiers dwindled away by degrees, until her forces became utterly
+insignificant. Even her chosen Gloucester took advantage of her absence to
+treat his marriage as a nullity, and to unite himself with Miss Eleanor,
+the daughter of Lord Cobham. The desertion of the husband she preferred
+was in some degree compensated by the death of the husband she hated, for
+the boy-Duke of Brabant lived only until April, 1427, and thus, by the
+abandonment of one, and the decease of the other, she became doubly
+dowagered. Still she continued to struggle with the Duke of Burgundy, but
+she was now advancing in years, and her efforts became perfectly
+old-womanish.
+</p>
+<p>
+The summer of 1428 was the means of bringing her to her senses, for she
+was severely drubbed by the duke, and finally quelled in a career as
+unbecoming to her age and sex as it was inimical to her interest. She
+agreed to recognise Burgundy as direct heir, at her death, to all she
+possessed, and he made her hand over everything at once, which was a
+capital plan for making sure of his inheritance.
+</p>
+<p>
+We have, however, devoted to the Hainault vixen more time and space than
+she is perhaps worth, but we have thought it better to dispose of her
+off-hand, to prevent so disagreeable a person from again intruding herself
+on the pages of our history.
+</p>
+<p>
+From the time the English took possession of Paris, Orleans, like a ripe
+and tempting Orleans plum, had been the object of their desires. The
+French knew the importance of the place, and had concentrated within it
+ammunition, eatables, and stores of every description. Barrels of beef,
+and barrels of gunpowder&mdash;hams and jams&mdash;wine for the garrison
+and grape for the foe&mdash;preserves for themselves and destructives for
+their enemies, were laid up in abundance in the city of Orleans. In
+addition to all these articles, enormous supplies of corn had been poured
+into the place, which contained something superior even to the corn, for
+it held all the flower of the French nobility. Regardless of these facts,
+the Earl of Salisbury began to attack the city, and the English commenced
+an attempt to scale the walls, but having some missiles thrown at them
+from above, those engaged in the scale soon lost their balance. Salisbury,
+nevertheless, persevered by attacking some other point; but the garrison
+determined to pay him off, and having recourse to their shells, they
+shelled out with such effect as to kill the English leader. Salisbury was
+succeeded by the Earl of Suffolk, who employed the winter of 1428 in
+cutting trenches round the city, and throwing up redoubts, which rendered
+him very redoubtable.
+</p>
+<p>
+Orleans was thus cut off from the chance of further supplies, and the
+awful words, "When that's all gone you'll have no more," began to be
+whispered into the ears of the inhabitants. Charles himself was for
+surrendering, and several mealy-mouthed courtiers, who feared they should
+soon be without a meal for their mouths, seconded the king in his
+pusillanimous project. Others were for holding out instead of giving in,
+and Charles's fortune seemed to be at the lowest ebb, when a letter
+arrived from one of the posts to announce the prospect of an early
+delivery. This early delivery was not, however, to be looked for by the
+mail, but by that illustrious female, Joan of Arc, familiarly known as the
+Maid of Orleans.
+</p>
+<p>
+Charles, who had little faith in the power of a female to get one out of a
+scrape, and who believed the tendency of the interference of the sex to be
+a good deal the other way, burst out into a fit of immoderate laughter at
+hearing the news that had been brought to him. "Never laughed so much in
+my life," occasionally ejaculated the French king, as the tears rolled
+down his cheeks, in double-distilled drops of the extract of merriment.
+He, nevertheless, granted her permission to give him a look-in when she
+was coming that way; but it was more from curiosity, or to have another
+hearty laugh at the Maid's expense, that he consented to an interview.
+Joan arrived, with her squires and four servants; but even this retinue,
+small as it was, must have been larger than her narrow circumstances could
+have fairly warranted. The two squires could have got in the service of
+two knights a certain sum per day, and the four servants, at a time when
+war was being waged, might have obtained better wages than a poor and
+friendless girl would possibly have paid to them. These, or similar
+reflections, occurred to some of the people about the court of Charles,
+who, considering that Joan must be an impostor, advised his majesty to
+have nothing to do with her. At all events, it was deemed as well that her
+previous history should be known; and as the reader may wish for the
+character of the Maid, before permitting her to engage even his attention,
+we will, at once, say what we know concerning her.
+</p>
+<p>
+Joan was the child of a brace of peasants, in a wild and hilly district of
+Lorraine, on the borders of Champagne, a country of which she seems in a
+great degree to have imbibed the qualities. Living in the neighbourhood of
+the sparkling and effervescing Champagne, her head became turned, or, at
+least, began to be filled with those bold aspirations which the <i>genius
+loci</i> might have had some share in engendering. It is undeniable that
+when a mere child, she delighted to roam about for the purpose of drinking
+at the great fountain of inspiration, which Champagne so abundantly
+supplies, and she would often go on until she heard voices&mdash;or a sort
+of singing in her ears&mdash;which told her she was destined for great
+achievements. Her birth-place was a short distance from the town of
+Vaucouleurs, at a little hamlet called Domremy, into which faction and
+dissatisfaction had so far forced their way, that the children used to
+pelt the children of the next village with mud and stones, on account of
+their political differences. Joan's attachment to her native soil caused
+her to be among the foremost of those who took up earth by handfulls, and
+threw each other's birthplace in each other's faces. Being in the habit of
+holding horses at a watering-house on the Lorraine road, she frequently
+heard the conversation of the waggoners, and, amid their "Gee-wos!" the
+woes of France were sometimes spoken of. Invisible voices now began to
+tell her that she was destined to set everything to rights, and to be her
+country's deliverer.
+</p>
+<p>
+Though her father called it "all stuff and nonsense," she had talked over
+an old uncle, a cartwright at Vaucouleurs, whom she persuaded of her
+fitness to repair the common weal, and the honest cartwright promised to
+assist her in putting a spoke into it. The brace of peasants were annoyed
+at the very high-flown notions of their offspring, and when she talked of
+going to King Charles, they asked her where the money was to come from for
+the purposes of her journey. Joan immediately had a convenient dream,
+appointing the governor of Vaucouleurs, one Sire de Baudricourt, her
+banker on this occasion.
+</p>
+<p>
+Under the guidance of her uncle, she visited the Sire, and told him the
+high honour her visions had awarded him, in naming him treasurer to her
+contemplated expedition. The Sire, not at all eager to become a banker on
+such unprofitable terms, refused at first to hear her story, or indeed to
+allow her to open an account, so that the first check she received was
+somewhat discouraging. He suggested that she should be sent home to her
+father with a strong recommendation to him to take a rod and whip all the
+rhodomontade completely out of her. Joan, however, cared little for what
+might be in pickle for herself while she was bent on preserving her
+country. She went constantly to the house of the Sire de Baudricourt, but
+he never allowed her to be let in, for he verily believed it would only
+have been opening the door to imposition.
+</p>
+<p>
+At length, more out of pity to his hall-porter than from any other motive,
+the Governor agreed to see that troublesome young woman who had given no
+peace to his bell since the first day of her arrival at Vaucouleurs. After
+the interview, Baudricourt came to the conclusion that Joan was crazed;
+but she declared she would walk herself literally off her legs, until they
+were worn down to the stump, if the Sire refused to stump up for the
+expenses of the journey. Some of the people beginning to believe the
+maid's story, she was enabled to get credit in Vaucouleurs for a few
+trappings as well as for a horse, and at the same time six donkeys, in the
+shape of two squires and four servants, consented to follow her.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 15th of February, 1429, the Maid began her journey, in the course
+of which her companions frequently came to the conclusion that she was a
+humbug, and on arriving at a precipice they often threatened to throw her
+over. At length, all difficulties being surmounted, she arrived at Chinon,
+near Orleans, where Charles was residing. "I won't see her," cried the
+king, upon hearing she had come; "I am not going to be bored to death by a
+female fanatic. A man who believes himself to be inspired is bad enough,
+but there is not a greater plague on earth than a woman-prophet." At
+length, after being pestered for three days, he consented to grant an
+interview to Joan, who stood unabashed by the sneers of the courtiers.
+Every word that flowed from her lips had the effect of curling fluid on
+the lips of those who listened. Some would have coughed her down, others
+began to crow over her, and the scene was a good deal like the House of
+Commons during the speech of an unpopular member, when Charles, who was a
+good deal struck by the assurance of the Maid, took her aside to have a
+little quiet talk with her.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Well, my good woman," he observed, "what is all this? Let me know your
+views as briefly as possible." Joan explained that her views consisted of
+magnificent visions, but Charles declared them to be mere jack-o'-lanterns
+of the brain, which were not worth attending to. Nevertheless, the
+earnestness of her manner had its effect, and the king sent her to
+Poictiers, where there was a learned university, and, though Joan was
+rather averse to the fellows, she allowed them to question her. Some of
+them began to assail her with their ponderous learning, but she cut them
+short by acknowledging that she did not know a great A or a little a from
+a bouncing B. She declared herself, however, ready to fight, and the
+learned men, who were not anxious for a contest with the Maid in her own
+style, pronounced a favourable opinion on her pretensions. To raise the
+siege of Orleans, and take the dauphin to be crowned at Rheims, were the
+feats she undertook to perform. As one trial would prove the fact, Charles
+consented to grant it. The soldiers, however, refused to follow her until
+they had seen how she would manage a horse, and they consequently all
+stood round her while she went through a few scenes in the circle. One of
+them, who acted as a kind of clown in the ring, put a lance into her hand,
+which she wielded with great dexterity, while she was still in the
+performance of her rapid act of horsemanship.
+</p>
+<p>
+Joan having passed her examination with success, was invested with the
+rank of a general officer. In spite of her masculine undertaking, there
+was still enough of the woman in her disposition to induce her to be very
+particular in ordering her own armour and accoutrements. She had herself
+measured for an entirely new suit of polished metal, her banner was white,
+picked out with gold, and her horse was as white as milk when properly
+chalked for metropolitan consumption. The Maid looked exceedingly well
+when made up, and people flocked round her with intense curiosity; for if
+even the man in brass at the Lord Mayor's Show will attract a mob, a woman
+regularly blocked in by block tin was a novelty that everyone would be
+sure to run after. Full of enthusiasm, she started off to the relief of
+Orleans, and the garrison, encouraged by her approach, sallied out upon
+the besiegers with unusual vigour, exclaiming "The Maid is come!" and the
+result realised the old saying that "where there's a will, there's a way,"
+or in the Latin proverb, <i>possunt</i> (they can) <i>qui</i> (who) <i>videntur</i>
+(seem) <i>posse</i> (to be able).
+</p>
+<p>
+With the aid of the <i>posse comitatus</i> the object was achieved, and it
+may, perhaps, have happened that the superstitious fears of the English
+had much to do with the result of the battle. They declared that she was a
+witch, and some of them pretended to have seen her looking at them with
+great saucer eyes, which was, in those days, a test of sorcery. The
+sentinels at night got so nervous, that they used to be startled by their
+own shadows in the moon, and would run away, declaring that they were
+pursued by black figures stretched on the ground, from which there was no
+escaping. Others declared the stars were all out of order, and that they
+heard the band of Orion playing, out of tune, at midnight. Some declared
+they had seen a horse galloping along the Milky Way, and they inferred
+that Joan of Arc sent her steed along it at full speed to keep up his
+milky whiteness.
+</p>
+<p>
+The English army had been completely panic-struck by the successes of
+Joan, which were owing nearly equally to the zeal she inspired in her
+friends and to the superstition of her enemies. She caused a letter to be
+written to the latter, in her name, strongly advising them to "give it
+up," and now she determined to give them a bit of a speech from the
+ramparts of Orleans. Taking her place on the top of a ladder resting
+against a high wall, she advised them to "be off;" "that it was no use;"
+they were "only wasting their time there;" and recommended that, if they
+had business elsewhere, they had better go and attend to it. Sir William
+Gladesdale, an English leader, rose to reply amid cries of "Down, down!"
+"Off, off!" "Hear him!" "Oh, oh!" and the usual ejaculations which a
+difference of opinion in a crowd has always elicited. As soon as Sir
+William could obtain a hearing, he was understood to advise the Maid to
+"go home and take care of her cows;" upon which Joan cleverly replied,
+that if "a calf were an object of care as well as a cow, he (Sir William
+Gladesdale) ought to be placed at once in safe keeping." The knight,
+finding the laugh against him, sat down without another word, and Joan
+became more popular than ever after this little incident.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was part of the plan of the Maid to work upon the imagination of the
+foe, and an amanuensis was employed to write another threatening letter,
+in her name, to the English soldiers. The communication was thrown into
+the midst of them, and Joan, being anxious to know what effect it
+produced, stood on the ramparts to overhear what they said to it.
+"Listeners never hear any good of themselves," and the Maid had the
+mortification of listening to some fearful abuse of herself, which,
+perhaps, served her right, for her behaviour was, to say the least of it,
+exceedingly unladylike. Vanity became one of her most powerful incentives,
+and she took upon herself to disagree with the Governor of Orleans, the
+great captains, and all the military authorities, on points of military
+tactics. Joan was, in fact, a very impracticable person, but it was
+necessary to let her have her way to a considerable extent, on account of
+her immense popularity with the soldiers. She insisted on making an attack
+which was considered very premature, and, while leading it in person, she
+got knocked over into a ditch by a dart, which set her off crying very
+bitterly. A valiant knight picked her up and placed her in the rear,
+consoling her by saying, "There, there I you're not a great deal hurt.
+Come, come&mdash;dry your eyes. Don't cry, there's a good girl," and other
+words of encouragement. Joan, feeling that it would not do for a heroine
+to be found roaring and whimpering at the first scratch she received, soon
+recovered her self-possession, and was soon at the ditch again, but on
+this occasion it was less for the purpose of fighting herself than of
+urging on others to battle.
+</p>
+<p>
+The English, though they did not know whether Joan was a witch or a what,
+were nevertheless ready to fight her on a fair field, if she would give
+them the opportunity. Her voices had not, however, given her the word of
+command, and she found it advisable to put a poultice on her neck, which
+rendered it necessary that she should keep for some days as quiet as
+possible. Her voices were often exceedingly considerate in refraining from
+advising her to go to battle when she might have got the worst of it. In
+this instance they were accommodating enough to give her the opportunity
+of nursing her neck for at least a limited period. The English waited a
+little time for the Maid, expecting that she would prove herself a
+"maid-of-all-work" by venturing to go single-handed into a very difficult
+place, but, as she did not make the attempt, they retired with flying
+colours. These colours, had they been warranted not to run, might never
+have left Orleans, but on the 8th of May, 1429, the siege was raised, and
+the reputation of the English army considerably lowered.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the strength of this event, Joan went to meet King Charles, who
+received her very affably, and the courtiers proposed inviting her to a
+public dinner. This honour she politely declined, for&mdash;like the
+celebrated Drummond&mdash;she was "averse to humbug of any description"
+but that which she had made for her own use, and after-dinner speeches
+were matters she held in utter abhorrence. She objected strongly to that
+festive foolery which induces people who never met before to express hopes
+that they may often meet again, and which is the source of at least twenty
+proudest moments of about as many existences. Joan, therefore, urged her
+previous engagements as an excuse for going out nowhere, for she felt
+assured that if she encouraged a spirit of jolly-doeism among the troops,
+they would soon become neglectful of all their duties.
+</p>
+<p>
+Charles, urged by the example of Joan, determined to do a little
+soldiering himself, and had his armour taken out of his box, the rust
+rubbed off, the shoulder-straps lengthened, the leggings let down, the
+breastplate let out, and other alterations made, to adapt it to the change
+in his figure since he had last worn his martial trappings. Though he took
+the field, it was in the capacity of an amateur, for his modesty&mdash;or
+some other feeling&mdash;kept him constantly in the background, and after
+the battle of Patay, which was fought and won by the French, the cries of
+"Where is Charles? What's become of the king?" were loud and general. The
+Maid found him reposing on his laurels, or, rather, under them, for he had
+concealed himself in a thick hedge of evergreens, from which he declined
+to emerge until his question of "Is it all right?" had received from
+Joan's lips a satisfactory answer. The object of her visit was to persuade
+him to accompany her to Rheims, to celebrate his coronation in the
+cathedral of that city. "It's not a bad idea," said Charles, "but
+premature, I'm afraid, and so at present we will not think of it." Joan
+would, however, take no refusal. On the 15th of July, 1429, the French
+king made his solemn entrance into that city. He was crowned two days
+after, and, though not one of the peers of France were present at the
+ceremony, it went off with quite as much spirit as anyone might venture to
+anticipate.
+</p>
+<p>
+Philip, the Duke of Burgundy, declined an invitation from the Maid, who
+pointed out to him the folly of fighting against his own king, when, if he
+wanted war, the Turks were always ready to fight or be fought, to have
+their heads cut off, or oblige anyone else by making the thing reciprocal.
+The Duke of Burgundy still kept aloof, but Joan continued to be successful
+without his assistance, and took several towns, chiefly from the readiness
+with which they were given up to her. Many of the people looked upon her
+as something preternatural, and they even fancied her white banner was
+always surrounded by butterflies, though truth compels us to state that
+these fancied butterflies were probably harvest-bugs, which, at about the
+period of the year when the phenomenon was supposed to have been seen,
+were most likely to be fluttering blindly and blunderingly about the
+Maid's standard. Many of the French officers, jealous of her success,
+attempted to malign her character. No tiger could have stood up for his
+respectability more furiously than Joan defended her reputation; and,
+indeed, she made so much fuss, to vindicate her fair fame, that we might
+have suspected her of impropriety, had not all the historians agreed in
+coming to an opposite conclusion. It was evident that Joan, having made
+one or two lucky hits, was anxious to back out before she damaged her
+reputation by failure. When asked what she would do if allowed to retire,
+she declared she would return and tend her sheep; nor did the cruel
+sarcasm of "Oh, yes, with a hook!"&mdash;which some courtier would throw
+in&mdash;divert her at all from her humble purpose. Having the rank of a
+general, she might perhaps have claimed the right to sell out or retire on
+half-pay, but she was anxious to return to her lowing herds, which caused
+Charles to say that for her to go and herd with anything so low, would be
+indeed ridiculous. Her voices, however, began to confuse her, and perhaps
+to talk more than one at a time, as well as to say different things; for
+on one day she would speak of resuming her humble occupations, and on
+another day would make preparations for smashing the English.
+</p>
+<p>
+Fortune seemed to have deserted the English in France, and Bedford, the
+regent&mdash;like others of his countrymen, when they found their numbers
+inferior to those of the foe&mdash;had the coolness to propose settling
+the dispute by single combat. This ingenious device is like that of the
+gamester who has but a single pound, which he proposes to stake against
+the pound of him who has a hundred more, with the understanding that if
+the party who makes the proposition shall win, he shall walk off with all
+that belongs to his antagonist. Charles was rude enough, to make no reply
+to this offer, but about the middle of August, 1429, the English and
+French armies found themselves very unexpectedly in sight of each other,
+near Senlis. How they came to such close quarters no one seemed to know;
+but it is agreed on all hands, that both sides would have been very glad
+to get back again. Neither would venture to begin, and Charles requested
+to know what Joan of Arc's voices had to say upon such an important
+occasion. The Maid had unfortunately lost whatever voice she might have
+had, and could find nothing at all to say for herself. The king was eager
+to know whether his army might commence the attack, but Joan's voices said
+not a word, and as their silence was not of the sort which Charles
+considered capable of giving consent, he did not permit any assault to be
+begun by his soldiers. After looking at each other during three entire
+days, each army marched off the field by its own road, and nothing had
+taken place beyond the interchange of an occasional "Now then, stupid&mdash;what
+are you staring at?" between the advanced guards of either army.
+</p>
+<p>
+Though our business, as an historian, has taken us a good deal abroad, we
+must now return home, lest, in our absence, the thread of our narrative
+should have got into such a state of entanglement, as to cause ourselves
+and our readers difficulty in the necessary process of unravelling it. The
+6th of November, 1429, was set apart for the coronation of the baby king,
+at Westminster; and, in a spirit worthy of the rising generation of the
+present day, his infant majesty insisted on the abolition of the
+protectorship. The notion that he could take care of himself had got
+possession of the royal mind; but the sequel of his reign afforded bitter
+proof of the extent of the fallacy. In 1430, he embarked for France, but
+the privy purse was again in such a disgraceful state, that the king had
+not the means of paying for his journey. The usual humiliating step was
+taken of sending the crown to the pawnbroker. We may here take occasion to
+remark, that though we frequently hear of the crown being put in pledge,
+we have no record of its being ever taken regularly and honestly out
+again. There can be little doubt that the people were unscrupulously taxed
+to rescue the regal diadem, which was no sooner redeemed than royal
+extravagance, or necessity, placed it again in its humiliating position.
+Had the same crown been transmitted regularly from hand to hand&mdash;or,
+rather, from head to head&mdash;it would have been perforated through and
+through by the multiplicity of tickets that from time to time have been
+pinned on to it.
+</p>
+<p>
+On this occasion, the jewels went to the pawnbroker's, as well as the
+crown, so that the regalia were huddled together as if they had been no
+better than a set of fire-irons. It is surprising, under all the
+circumstances, that the sceptre never figured in the catalogue of a sale
+of unredeemed pledges, and we cannot wonder that some of our sovereigns
+have chosen to rule with a rod of iron, as a cheap and durable, but a most
+disagreeable substitute. In addition to the means already alluded to, for
+filling his purse, the young king hit upon another mode of making money.
+Every one who was worth forty pounds a year, was forced to take up the
+honour of knighthood, and made to pay exorbitant fees for the undesired
+privilege. In this manner, many persons were dubbed knights, for the
+express purpose of making them dub up; and there is every reason to
+believe that the word "dub" has taken its meaning in relation to pecuniary
+affairs, from the arbitrary practice we have mentioned. Those illustrious
+families who trace their genealogy up to some knight who flourished in the
+time of Henry the Sixth, will not, perhaps, after this disclosure, be so
+very proud of their origin. We have had in our own day one or two who have
+been dignified with knighthood by mistake, instead of somebody else, but
+those who had greatness thrust upon them only for the sake of the fees,
+were scarcely less contemptible.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0024" id="link2HCH0024"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE FOURTH. HENRY THE SIXTH, SURNAMED OF WINDSOR (CONTINUED).
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0105" id="linkimage-0105"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/292m.jpg" alt="292m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/292.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+EDFORD had for some time been struggling in France under the extreme
+disadvantage of shortness of cash, for the council being engaged in
+continual quarrelling at home, had become very irregular in sending
+remittances. He had gone week after week without his own salary, but he
+never grumbled at that until he found his army, from getting short of
+cash, beginning to fail in allegiance. Often, while reviewing the troops,
+if he complained of awkwardness in the evolutions, he would hear murmurs
+of "Why don't you pay us?" and on one occasion an insolent fellow, who had
+been bungling over the easy manouvre of standing at ease, cried out, "It's
+all very well to say 'Stand at ease,' but how is a man to stand at when he
+never receives his salary?" Upon another occasion, Bedford had given the
+word to "Charge!" when a suppressed titter ran through the ranks, and, on
+his demanding an explanation, he was told respectfully by one of his
+aides-de-camp that the troops thought it an irresistible joke to call upon
+them to "charge," when, if they charged ever so much, there was no
+prospect of their demand being satisfied. Bedford used to rush regularly
+every morning to the outpost, in the hope of finding a letter containing
+the means of liquidating some of the arrears of pay into which he had
+fallen with his soldiers. He was, however, always doomed to
+disappointment, for there was either no communication for him at all, or
+an intimation that "next week"&mdash;which never comes&mdash;would bring
+him the cash he was so eagerly waiting for. His repeated visits to the
+outpost usually ended in a shake of the head from the officer on duty,
+whose "No, sir; there's nothing for you," had in it a mixture of
+compassion and contempt, which are not always incompatible.
+</p>
+<p>
+Bedford, the regent, having left Paris, Charles thought that, the cat
+being away, the mice might be at play, and that the city would be
+unprepared if an attack should be made upon it. Beauvais and St. Denis
+opened their gates, but the Parisians were not so complaisant, and
+Charles, unwilling to resort to force, tried the effect of flummery. He
+issued proclamations, full of the most brilliant promises to his "good and
+loyal city," but the inhabitants replied by hanging out an allegorical
+banner, representing an individual in the act of offering some chaff to an
+old bird, who was refusing to be caught by it. Stung by this sarcasm,
+Charles determined to make an attack, and on the 12th of September he
+commenced an assault on the Faubourg St. Honor�.
+</p>
+<p>
+Joan threw herself against the wall, but could make no impression upon it,
+and she could only lament that among the French artillery there was no
+mortar to be brought to bear upon the bricks of the city. She then
+resorted to other steps&mdash;or, rather, to a ladder&mdash;and had
+reached every successive round amid successive rounds of applause from her
+followers, when she was stopped by a wound, which fairly knocked her over.
+A friendly ditch received the disabled Joan, who went into it with a
+splash, which caused all her companions to basely run away, lest they
+should participate in the consequences of her downfall. Drenched and
+disheartened, sobbing, and in a perfect sop, the Maid crawled out of the
+ditch and lay down for a little while; but suddenly rising, and giving
+herself a shake, she made another rush at the battlements. A few better
+spirits, ashamed of seeing the weakest thus a second time going to the
+wall, joined her in her advance, but, meeting with resistance, they rolled
+back like a wave of the sea, almost swamping the Maid, and carrying her
+violently away with them.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0106" id="linkimage-0106"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/294m.jpg" alt="294m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/294.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Joan's influence had now begun to decline, for, though a heroine is
+popular as long as she succeeds, a woman who fails in her performance of
+the part is always ridiculous. She had also lost the favour of the
+soldiers by attacking them behind their backs, for she had flogged them
+with the flat of her sword till she broke the blade over their shoulders.
+They openly called her an impostor, a humbug, and a do; so that, hurt in
+her feelings as well as in her neck, wounded alike in mind and body, she
+resolved to quit the army. She even went to the Abbey church, and, fixing
+up a clothes-line, hung her white armour before the shrine of St. Denis.
+Charles supposed the articles had been put there to dry after the soaking
+the Maid had experienced in the ditch, but when he heard that Joan, as
+well as her coat of mail, was on the high ropes, he determined to take her
+down a peg as gently as possible. She was persuaded to prolong her stay,
+or, rather, to renew her engagement; and though, even after her military
+<i>d�but</i> at the siege of Orleans, she had wished it to be her
+"positively last appearance on any ramparts," Charles had the satisfaction
+of announcing that she had in the handsomest manner consented to remain in
+his company. A constant renewal of an engagement will dim the attraction
+of the brightest star, and Joan was evidently on the wane as a popular
+favourite.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the beginning of 1430 there was a blight cessation of hostilities, and
+Charles remained at Bourges, where he was suffering under a severe
+exhaustion of his means and a general sinking in all his pockets. At this
+juncture, Joan met with a rival in the shape of an opposition prophetess,
+for it is always the fate of merit and success to become the subject of
+base and paltry imitation. Catherine of La Rochelle was the name of the
+female counterfeit who adapted her inspiration to the exigencies of the
+time, and, knowing the king to be short of cash, she pretended to have
+fits of financial foresight. She was, in fact, a visionary Chancellor of
+the Exchequer, running about with an imaginary budget, and transforming
+Charles's real deficiency into an ideal surplus. She affected to hear
+voices and to see visions; but the former were rude shouts of I.O.U., and
+the latter represented to her certain hidden treasure, which was hidden so
+well that it has never been found from that time to the present. She had
+the art of extracting money for the king's use from those who had any
+money to give, and a single speech from her mouth was sufficient to fill
+with coin any soup-plate or saucer that might be handed round to the
+audience. She boasted that she could talk every penny out of the purses of
+her hearers, and whenever she appeared, there was a general cry of "Take
+care of your pockets!"
+</p>
+<p>
+Joan called her an impostor, and was called "another" in return; but it
+was said by a quaint writer of the period that, whatever the Maid of
+Orleans might have done with the sword, the tongue of Catherine would give
+an antagonist a more complete licking than the most formidable weapon.
+Charles was attracted by the financial fanatic, but, still wishing to
+propitiate Joan, he ennobled her family, and declared that her native
+village of Domremy should for ever be exempt from taxes. It thus became
+one of the greatest rights of this place to forget the whole of its
+duties.
+</p>
+<p>
+At the opening of the spring, the French king advanced again towards Paris
+with two prophetesses in his suite, but, as two of a trade never agree&mdash;particularly
+if they happen to be of the gentler sex&mdash;the two young ladies were
+constantly quarrelling. It is probable that the presence of Catherine was
+the cause of putting Joan upon her mettle, for she marched to the relief
+of Compiegne with all her accustomed spirit. She had made up her mind to a
+repetition of the hit she had made at Orleans, but Victory did not answer
+her call or show any disposition to wait upon her. Joan fought with
+valour, but her soldiers had no sooner met the foe than they agreed that
+the chances were against them, and that the only way to bring themselves
+round was to turn immediately back, a manouvre which was performed by one
+simultaneous movement. Joan tried to rally them, but they were too far
+gone, and while she kept her face to the enemy, her old disaster befell
+her, for she backed into one of those ditches in which all her military
+exploits seemed doomed to ter-minate. There being no humane member of
+society, or member of the Humane Society, to give her the benefit of a
+drag from the water in which she was immersed, she was soon surrounded by
+her enemies. Her own companions had fled into the city and shut the gates
+upon her, against which she had not the strength to knock, when,
+mournfully murmuring out, "Alas! I am not worth a rap," she surrendered to
+her opponents. The sensation created by the capture of Joan of Arc was
+actually prodigious. The captains ran out of their positions, and the men
+left their ranks to have a peep at her. Duke Philip paid her a visit at
+her lodgings, in the presence of old Monstrelet, who was either so deaf,
+or so stupid, or so thunderstruck, that he could not relate what passed at
+the interview. The ungrateful French made no effort to release the Maid,
+and, indeed, there seemed to be a feeling of satisfaction at having got
+rid of her. Her captors showed a strong disposition to make much of her by
+turning the celebrated prophetess to a profit, and the person to whom she
+had surrendered&mdash;the Bastard of Vend�me&mdash;sold her out and out to
+John of Luxembourgh. Friar Martin pretended to have a lien upon her; but
+John, refusing to have the lot put up again, and resold&mdash;in
+accordance with the usual practice in cases of dispute&mdash;cleared her
+off to a strong castle of his own in Picardy. Another pretended mortgagee
+of the Maid then started up in the person of the Bishop of Beauvais, who
+claimed her on behalf of the University of Paris. John of Luxembourgh
+disposed of her to his holiness for ten thousand francs, rather than have
+any further trouble.
+</p>
+<p>
+Poor Joan was committed to prison on the charge of witchcraft, and as a
+kind of preliminary to the proceedings in her own case, a woman who
+believed in the Maid was burned, <i>pour encourager les autres</i> who
+might put faith in her inspiration. The fate of Joan was for some time
+very uncertain; but the learned doctors of the University of Paris, and
+other high authorities, recommended her being burned at once, which would
+save the trouble and expense of a previous trial. The Bishop of Beauvais,
+who had become the proprietor, by purchase, of the illustrious captive,
+recommended the adoption of regular legal proceedings. Priests and lawyers
+and lettered men were summoned from far and near; many of the legal
+gentlemen being specially retained, and all being practised in the art of
+cross-examination, to which Joan was subjected by those who conducted the
+case for the prosecution. Her trial was, throughout, a disgraceful
+exhibition of forensic chicanery, for her opponents attempted to puzzle
+her with hard words, which, in spite of her being charged with magic
+spells, she had not the power of spelling. The pleadings were shamefully
+complicated; but she defended herself with spirit, and occasionally
+confounded the doctors, who were confounded knaves, for they tried to take
+every advantage of her unfortunate position. Sixteen days were consumed in
+taking the evidence, and Joan sometimes made a point in her own favour,
+when the Bishop of Beauvais, sinking the dignity of the judge in the
+temporary office of usher, began to call lustily for silence; and,
+according to the modern practice of the officer of the court, making more
+noise than everyone else by the loudness of his vociferations.
+</p>
+<p>
+The bishop shouted and resorted to other ungentlemanly expedients, during
+the entire day, to damage the cause of Joan, who, nevertheless, proceeded
+as if in the midst of that silence which the usher in Westminster Hall is
+continually disturbing by loudly calling for. It was contended, on the
+part of the prosecution, that there was magic in her banner; but Joan, who
+had served the other side with notice to produce the banner, declared
+there was nothing particular in any part of it. The pole belonging to it
+was as plain as any other pike-staff, and the banner itself was formed of
+a cheap material, which Joan declared was all stuff; so that the banner
+was, of necessity, waived by her enemies. Her judges, nevertheless,
+declared there was sufficient evidence to support a charge of heresy, and
+began to deliberate on the manner of her punishment. While some
+recommended fire, others threw cold water upon it, and French, as well as
+English writers, have laboured to prove, that their countrymen, at least,
+were averse to a proceeding from which the term "burning shame" no doubt
+took the signification it bears at present. Having already found her
+guilty, her persecutors tried their utmost to urge her to acknowledge her
+guilt, for in the absence of proof, it was thought advisable to get at
+least a confession.
+</p>
+<p>
+At length, on the 24th of May, 1431, the Maid was brought up to hear her
+sentence, and the Bishop of Beauvais, taking out a pile of papers,
+endorsed <i>re</i> Joan of Arc, declared himself ready to deliver his
+judgment. An opportunity was, however, allowed her to stay execution, on
+giving a <i>cognovit</i>, or acknowledgment of every charge brought
+against her; and such a document being drawn up, she reluctantly permitted
+Joan of Arc, X, her mark&mdash;for she could not write&mdash;to be affixed
+to it. Her punishment was commuted to perpetual imprisonment, with "the
+bread of sorrow and the water of affliction," which consisted of a stale
+loaf and a pull at the pump once a day, as her only nourishment.
+</p>
+<p>
+She found very few crumbs of comfort in her daily crust, and when the
+water was brought to her, she declared it to be very hard, which was
+certainly better than soft for drinking. It was a portion of her
+punishment to resume her female attire, which caused her considerable
+annoyance, and a soldier's dress having been left in her prison, she was
+one morning discovered wearing it. Her jailer, on entering, charged her
+with "trying it on," but added that it was anything but fitting, and told
+her that she would certainly be overhauled when he reported that he had
+seen her in a pair of military overalls.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0107" id="linkimage-0107"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/297m.jpg" alt="297m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/297.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The circumstance was instantly turned against her, and the putting on of
+male attire, which she had worn before, was declared to be a revival of
+the old suit, to which she had been liable. Her re-appearance in the
+soldier's dress was looked upon as a proof of uniform opposition to the
+authorities; and her offence was described as "relapsed heresy," or double
+guilt, like the "one cold caught on the top of t'other" by the boy who had
+been suffering under several layers of those disagreeable visitors.
+Judgment was now finally entered up against the ill-used Maid, who, on the
+30th of May, 1431, was brought in a cart to the market-place and burned at
+Rouen.
+</p>
+<p>
+We would gladly draw a veil over the fate of poor Joan; but we are
+unwilling to spare those who were accessory to it, from the odium which
+increases whenever the facts are repeated. Cardinal Beaufort and some of
+the bishops who had been instrumental to the murder of the Maid, began to
+whimper when the ceremony commenced, and to find it more than their
+susceptible natures could bear to witness. They had ordered the atrocity
+that was about to take place; but conscience had made them such arrant
+cowards, that they had not the courage to witness the carrying out of
+their own savage suggestions. If persons so hard-hearted as themselves
+could feel so much affected by the sacrifice they had ordered, we may
+imagine what opinion ought to be entertained of them for commanding an act
+of atrocity which they dared not remain to contemplate.
+</p>
+<p>
+The conduct of Charles in not interfering on Joan's behalf, is even more
+cruel and despicable than that of her avowed enemies. The French king
+finding the Maid of no further use, came practically to a free translation
+of <i>Non eget arcu</i> (there is no want of a Joan of Arc), and left her
+to the fate that awaited her. It would have been nothing but policy to
+have insured her life, which he might easily have done, even when she was
+threatened with burning, and her case became doubly hazardous.
+</p>
+<p>
+The English were very anxious to get up a sensation in France by way of
+diverting the public mind from the fate of the Maid of Orleans. A
+coronation, which is always one of the best cards to play, being good for
+a king or queen at the least, was thought of and resolved upon. The affair
+was intended to eclipse the ceremony of which Charles had been the hero
+and Joan of Arc the heroine. Young Henry, who had been crowned already at
+Westminster, and had therefore rehearsed the part he would be called upon
+to play, was brought over to Paris with all the scenery, machinery,
+dresses and decorations, properties and appointments, that had been used
+before, so that the coronation being in the <i>r�pertoire</i> of costly
+spectacles, the expense of its revival was moderate. The performance took
+place in November, 1431; but though the getting-up was very complete, the
+applause was scanty, and the attendance was by no means numerous. Cardinal
+Beaufort occupied a stall, and there was a fair sprinkling of people in
+the galleries; but' the principal character being a spiritless and most
+unpromising boy of nine, the spectacle excited very little interest.
+</p>
+<p>
+Things remaining in France in a very unsatisfactory state, Charles and
+Philip of Burgundy came to the resolution that it was folly to go on
+cutting one another's throats, and they consequently effected a
+compromise. Philip got the best of the bargain, which was solemnised by a
+great deal of swearing and unswearing; for as the parties had previously
+exchanged oaths of hostility toward each other, it was necessary to take
+the sponge and wipe out former affidavits, as well as to supply the blank
+with new oaths of an opposite character. There was a mutual interchange of
+perjury; and posterity, on looking at the respective culpabilities of the
+two parties, can only come to the conclusion, that they were <i>beaucoup
+d'un beaucoup</i>, or much of a muchness.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Duke of Bedford did not live long after this treaty, but died of
+indigestion, and considering that he had eaten an enormous quantity of his
+own words, the result is by no means marvellous. He finished up his
+existence at Rouen, on the 14th of September, 1435, having swallowed a
+parcel of his own oaths, some of which are supposed to have stuck in his
+throat, and caused his dissolution. The English in France soon felt the
+fatal consequences of being without a chief, for the columns of an army,
+like the columns of a journal, are incomplete without a leader. Deprived
+of Bedford, the English soldiers could no longer hold Paris&mdash;or,
+rather, Paris could no longer hold them&mdash;and they were consequently
+forced to surrender. The Duke of York succeeded to the command in France&mdash;if
+he can be said to have succeeded who failed in almost everything. A
+succession of reverses was the only thing approaching to success which he
+experienced; and a supersedeas was soon issued to overturn his commission.
+</p>
+<p>
+Talbot, Earl of Shrewsbury, did something towards restoring the English
+ascendency in France; but Philip of Burgundy thought he would try his hand
+at a siege, and fixed upon Calais as being the most convenient. The Duke
+of Gloucester, hearing he had a tremendous army assembled in front of the
+town, sent over to Philip an offer to fight him. "Only stop there till I
+get at you," were Gloucester's words; to which Burgundy replied, that he
+should be happy to wait the English duke's convenience. Four days,
+however, before the latter landed, the former was seized with a panic&mdash;and,
+taking suddenly to his heels, his thirty thousand men scampered wildly
+after him. Philip, who had set the example, and must have been flighty to
+have commenced such an insane flight, was completely run off his legs by
+the ruck of fugitives in his rear; and he was swept into the very heart of
+Flanders, before he could ascertain what his soldiers were driving at.
+Talbot, Earl of Shrewsbury, did something towards retrieving the failing
+fortunes of the English; but, as both parties were getting into a nervous
+state&mdash;running away through sheer panics, crying out before they were
+hurt, and flying before they were pursued&mdash;a truce was agreed upon.
+It was for two years, to expire on the 1st of April, 1446,&mdash;and there
+could not have been a more appropriate day than that devoted to All Fools,
+to renew hostilities which were injurious to all parties.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry, of Windsor, was now twenty-four; but, though a man in years, he was
+still an infant in intellect. He was physically full-grown, but mentally a
+dwarf; and what had been in childhood the gentleness of the lamb, became
+in manhood downright sheepishness. His conversational powers would not
+have allowed him to say "bo to a goose," had it been necessary for him to
+address to that foolish bird that unmeaning monosyllable. Even his mother
+had turned her back upon him, as a noodle she could make nothing of, and
+had married Owen Tudor, Esquire, an obscure gentleman of Wales, who
+boasted, nevertheless, a royal descent, or at least maintained that the
+Tudors were so called from being not above Two-doors off from such
+illustrious lineage. The Queen-mother had died, but had left a lot of
+little Tudors, under the care of O. T., her <i>bourgeois gentilhomme</i>
+of a husband.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry being a mere nonentity, it was resolved to try and make something of
+him by finding him a wife of spirit; as if small beer could be turned into
+stout by mixing a quantity of gin with it. Margaret of Anjou was selected
+for the formation of this deleterious compound. She was one of those
+intolerable nuisances&mdash;a fine woman, with a great deal of decision,
+which means that she was decidedly disagreeable. Her father was a nominal
+king of Sicily and Jerusalem; but he had no real dominions, and only
+rented, as it were, a brass plate, or had his name up over the door of the
+countries specified. He was as poor as a cup of tea after the fifth water,
+and ruled over about as much land as he could cram into a few flower-pots
+which adorned the window of his lodging. He kept a minister who answered
+the bell and the purpose at the same time, and was accustomed to wait at
+table. His majesty's apartment was furnished with a sort of dresser
+covered with green baize, which formed a board of green cloth; and he had
+several sticks-in-waiting in his umbrella stand. His <i>robe de matin</i>
+was his robe of state; he had a green silk privy purse, and an ormolu
+cabinet. He had a keeper of the great seal which hung to his watch; and
+his bureau comprised a secretary for the home department, in which he kept
+all his washing-bills. He dispensed with a master of the horse by keeping
+no horse of his own, and he always had plenty of gentlemen-in-waiting, in
+the shape of creditors. He saved the expense of a paymaster by paying
+nobody; and though he issued Exchequer Bills, they were not only at very
+long dates, but wholly unworthy of anyone's acceptance. He was his own
+Chancellor of his own Exchequer, for he used to declare, with much
+apparent integrity that his government should never be degraded by useless
+sinecures. "Whenever there is nothing to do," he would philosophically
+exclaim, "I consider it my duty to do it." He usually resided in Sicily
+when he was at home, but he kept in his court&mdash;at the back of his
+lodging&mdash;a few Jerusalem artichokes, to represent the interests of
+his other kingdom of Jerusalem. He used to make a financial statement
+every now and then, for the sake of clearing himself of his debts, which
+were the subject of an annual act of which he alone got the benefit. He
+used upon these occasions to profess a considerable anxiety to rub off as
+he went on, but his goings on and rubbings off were equally to his own
+advantage, and the cost of those who had trusted him. Never was political
+economy carried to such perfection as by the father of Margaret, the king
+of Sicily and Jerusalem.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0108" id="linkimage-0108"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/303m.jpg" alt="303m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/303.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+It was hopeless to ask for a dower with the daughter of a man who had what
+is vulgarly termed "a sight of money," which means that he could have put
+the whole of his income into his eye without any detriment to his vision.
+Instead of asking anything from a sovereign more fitted to be upon the
+parish than upon the throne, a trifling settlement was made upon him, that
+the king of England might not be said to have married the daughter of an
+absolute monarch and an absolute beggar. Anjou and Maine, which had been
+taken from him by main force, were restored to him, and a little money was
+advanced to him on account of his first quarter's revenue, to enable him
+to cut a respectable figure at his daughter's wedding.
+</p>
+<p>
+Suffolk brought home the bride to England, where she was, of course,
+severely criticised. For many she was too tall, and her height was an
+objection that could not be overlooked very easily. The friends of the
+Duke of Gloucester&mdash;known as the good Duke Humphrey&mdash;declared he
+would have found a better queen; and Duke Humphrey paid her no attention,
+for he never even asked her to a family dinner, an omission which gave
+rise to a saying * that is still current.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Dining with Duke Humphrey is a process that needs no
+explanation.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The good Duke Humphrey, though he gave no one a dinner, was anxious to let
+everyone have his desert, which made his royal highness very unpopular.
+His enemies began by charging his wife with necromancy, because she was in
+the habit of consulting the dregs of her teacup when turned out in her
+saucer&mdash;an act that was stigmatised as sorcery. She was also proved
+to have in her possession a large wax doll, resembling the king, which she
+was in the habit of placing before the fire for the purpose, it was said,
+of sweating her sovereign. This was interpreted into a desire to see him
+waste away, and she was accordingly sentenced to perpetual imprisonment.
+Had she been able to melt the king himself as she melted his effigy, she
+might have been pardoned; but though the wax image was soft enough, he
+only waxed wroth when an appeal in her behalf was made to him. Her husband
+now became personally an object of persecution, and was arrested on a
+charge of treason, on the 11th of February, 1447, when he went to take his
+seat at the opening of Parliament. On the 28th of the same month, he was
+found dead in his bed, and of course the conclusion was that he had been
+murdered, though there were no signs of violence. There were various
+rumours as to the cause of Duke Humphrey's death, and despair, dyspepsia,
+apoplexy, and unhappy perplexity, or a broken heart, were equally spoken
+of as having occasioned his dissolution. It is strange that inanition was
+never thought of as a probable mode of accounting for the decease of Duke
+Humphrey, whose stinted diet has given to his dinners an unenviable
+notoriety.
+</p>
+<p>
+The old rival and uncle of the good Duke Humphrey did not long survive his
+nephew, for the grasping prelate died on the 11th of April, 1447, at
+Winchester, where he had retired to his see, from which he was to the last
+straining his eyes towards the popedom.
+</p>
+<p>
+Under the ministry of Suffolk the glory of England rapidly declined, and
+its possessions in France were daily diminishing. Parliament began to take
+the matter seriously up, and not a day passed without some awkward motion
+being made to embarrass the Government. At length, in January, 1450,
+Suffolk became so exasperated that he challenged his enemies to the proof
+of their accusations, which was equivalent to asking for a vote of
+confidence. The Commons replied by requesting the Lords to send him to the
+Tower, which they declared themselves most happy to do, if the Lower House
+would only send up a specific charge on which he might be committed. The
+Commons acceded with the utmost pleasure to the demand, and cooked up an
+accusation very promptly, for in those days such things were kept almost
+ready made, to be used at the shortest notice, for the purpose of knocking
+the head from off the shoulders of a minister. It was laid in the
+indictment against Suffolk, that he had been furnishing a castle with
+military stores; or, in other words, ordering a quantity of gunpowder to
+be sent in for the purpose of assisting France against England. Though the
+accusation was wretchedly vague, it was sufficient foundation for a
+warrant, upon which Suffolk was seized by the scruff of the neck, and
+hurried to the Tower. Fearing that one bill of impeachment might be
+insufficient, his enemies published a series of supplements.
+</p>
+<p>
+In his defence he noticed only the first set of charges, which accused him
+of a desire to put the crown on the head of his son; a freak that Suffolk
+never had the smallest idea of practising. On the 13th of March, 1460, he
+was brought to the bar of the House of Lords, and went down upon his knees
+like a horse&mdash;or rather like an ass&mdash;on the wooden pavement. He
+denied, ridiculed, and repudiated some of the articles in the impeachment,
+and accused the lords themselves of being his accomplices in some others.
+A proceeding which we can only characterise as a general row immediately
+took place, and the House of Lords became a perfect piece of ursine
+horticulture, or regular bear-garden.
+</p>
+<p>
+Suffolk, though warmly defended by the court, was furiously attacked by
+the Commons, who declared they would not vote a penny of the supplies
+while the minister remained unpunished. The king, as long as it did not
+affect his pockets, was tolerably staunch towards his friend, but when no
+money came in, and the royal outgoings continued to be large, it was found
+expedient to throw the favourite over. Every fresh bill that was placed on
+the unpaid file at the palace shook the royal resolution; and when the eye
+of the king glanced over his huge accumulation of unsettled accounts, he
+began to think seriously whether it was not too great a sacrifice to lose
+his supplies for the sake of saving Suffolk.
+</p>
+<p>
+The favourite was gradually getting out of favour, and was sent for by the
+king to a private interview, in the course of which it was intimated to
+the duke that he must be dropped, but that he should be "let down" as
+easily as possible. This private intimation kept Suffolk in a state of
+suspense considerably worse than certainty; for it is a well-established
+fact, given on the authority of those who have tried both, that a bold
+leap into the fire is preferable to a constant grill on the gridiron, or a
+perpetual ferment in the frying-pan.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 17th of March Suffolk was again brought up in presence of the king,
+at a sort of judicial "at home," given by hiss majesty. It took place,
+according to some authorities, in the sovereign's private apartments; but
+the chroniclers are mute as to which room&mdash;whether the two-pair back,
+the one-pair front, the <i>salle � manger</i>, or the <i>salon</i>&mdash;was
+the scene of the important interview. Suffolk threw himself once more at
+the feet of the king, who, it is to be hoped, had no corns; but Henry must
+have felt hurt at receiving a minister on such a footing. Suffolk, still
+at his master's feet, endeavoured to hit upon Henry's tender points, but
+the sovereign was on this occasion influenced by the impression made upon
+his understanding. He ordered Suffolk into banishment for five years, and
+gave him till the 1st of May to pack up for his departure.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0109" id="linkimage-0109"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/306m.jpg" alt="306m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/306.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The people were determined not to let the traitor off so easily, and no
+less than two thousand assembled to take his life, which he wisely
+abstained from placing at their disposal. He gave a farewell banquet at
+one of his country seats to his relatives and friends, and, upon his
+health being duly proposed as the toast of the evening, he swore, of
+course, that he was perfectly innocent. Finding it necessary to dodge the
+popular indignation, he started off to Ipswich, when he embarked for the
+Continent.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 2nd of May, as he was sailing between Dover and Calais, his convoy&mdash;consisting
+of a smack and punt for self and retinue&mdash;was hailed by a great
+hulking man-of-war from the hulks, which bore the name of <i>Nicholas</i>
+of the Tower. This was a sad blow to the little smack, which would have
+gladly gone off had it not been most vigorously brought-to by the larger
+vessel. The duke was ordered on board the <i>Nicholas</i>, and after the
+ship had stood off and on for three days, it turned out that the vessel
+was only waiting to take in an axe, a block, and an executioner. This
+dismal addition to the freight having at last arrived, it was immediately
+put in requisition, and, as Suffolk was very unpopular, nobody took the
+trouble to inquire what had become of him. The only account that could
+ever be given of him was that he had been taken away by the crew of the <i>Nicholas</i>,
+which was a very old ship, and the announcement that Suffolk had gone to
+Old Nick was all that was ever said concerning him.
+</p>
+<p>
+We are soon about to enter upon those Wars of the Roses which planted so
+many thorns in the bosom of fair England. It is strange that out of <i>couleur
+de rose</i> should have emanated some of the most sombre and melancholy
+hues that ever darkened the pages of our history. "Coming events cast
+their shadows before," and the shade in this instance was one Cade,
+familiarly called Jack Cade by various authorities. This celebrated
+individual was a native of Ireland, who had served in France in the
+English army, so that he may be called a kind of Anglo-Irish-Frenchman, a
+combination that reminds us of the celebrated poly-politician, who, being
+desirous of being thought "open to all parties," with the vow of being
+ultimately influenced by one, gave himself out as a
+conservative-whig-radical. Jack Cade was a jack-of-all-trades, or, at all
+events, a jack of two, for he had been a doctor first and a soldier
+afterwards. Some have ironically contended that the change from a medical
+to a military life was only an extension of the same business, and that,
+in resigning the bolus for the bullet, the powders for the gunpowder, and
+the lancet for the sword, he was only enlarging the sphere of his
+practice. With that remarkable deference for the aristocracy they pretend
+to despise, which is only too common amongst demagogues, Cade tried to
+claim relationship even with royalty, and, giving himself out as a
+relation of the Duke of York, he assumed the name of Mortimer.
+</p>
+<p>
+That Cade was a decayed scion of an illustrious stock may be doubted, and
+some, who have not been ashamed of an anachronism for the sake of a sneer,
+have gone so far as to say that the Cades were the earliest cads of which
+there are any records.
+</p>
+<p>
+It has been well remarked somewhere, by somebody, that the men of Kent,
+though living near the water, were always very inflammable, and the
+Kentish fire is to this day proverbial for its intensity. Cade threw
+himself among these men, who made him their captain, and inarched with him
+to Blackheath, from which he commenced a long correspondence with the
+Londoners. The Government, alarmed at an assembly of fifteen or twenty
+thousand men at a place where large assemblies were unusual, sent to
+enquire the reason of the good men of Kent having quitted their homes in
+such large numbers. Cade, who among his other restless habits, appears to
+have been troubled with a <i>cacoethes scribendi,</i> took upon himself to
+answer for the whole, and embodied their reasons in a document called the
+"Complaint of the Commons of Kent," which was of a somewhat discursive
+character. It commenced by alluding to a report that Kent was to be turned
+into a hunting forest, and remonstrated against the people being made game
+of in such a fearful manner; it then proceeded to abuse the Government in
+general terms, which have since been the stereotyped phraseology of nearly
+all the friends of the people; it complained of others fattening on the
+royal revenue, which forced the king to supply the deficiency by robbing
+his subjects, and to take their provisions wholesale as well as retail,
+without paying a penny for them. Allusion was then made to the lowness of
+the company admitted to court, though this seems to have been rather
+over-nice on the part of Jack and his followers. The document then came to
+the point, by intimating that the men of Kent had been subjected to
+extortion and treated with contempt, so that they had been, at the same
+time, overtaxed and under-rated.
+</p>
+<p>
+When the court received this elaborate catalogue of ills, it was intimated
+to Cade and his companions, that it would take some time to prepare the
+answer; but the authorities thinking that powder and shot would answer
+better than pen and ink, set to work to collect troops and ammunition in
+London. Cade could not resist his propensity to scribble, and sent in a
+second paper, headed "The Requests, by the captain of the great assembly
+in Kent." In his new manifesto Jack required an entire re-arrangement of
+the royal household even down to the minutest domestic arrangements; and
+it was even said, that not a pie came to the king's table without Jack
+wishing to have a finger in it.
+</p>
+<p>
+The court was now prepared with an answer in the shape of a large army,
+which advanced upon Blackheath, and caused Cade to be taken so regularly
+aback, that he jibbed as far as Sevenoaks. Here he halted, and waited the
+attack of the royal army, a detachment of which came up and went down like
+a pack of cards, though as they had lost all heart there is something
+defective in the comparison. When the main army at Blackheath heard the
+fate of the detachment at Sevenoaks, the soldiers suddenly began to object
+to fighting against their own countrymen. The Court then found it time to
+make concession, and commenced by sending a few of its own party to the
+Tower, in order to propitiate the malcontents. Lord Say, an obnoxious
+minister, who was not merely a say, but a tremendous do, was at once
+locked up with some others who had rendered themselves unpopular.
+</p>
+<p>
+Cade now made himself master of the right bank of the Thames from
+Greenwich to Lambeth, both inclusive, and made the celebrated incision
+into the latter, which retained the name of the New Cut to a very distant
+period. Cade took up his own quarters in Southwark, but went into London
+every morning, where he and his followers behaved very quietly for a few
+days, returning home regularly every evening to their lodgings in the
+Borough. Their first act of violence was to insist on the trial of Say,
+who was not allowed to have his say in his own defence, but was hurried
+off to Cheapside and beheaded. As too frequently happens with the
+promoters of the public good, Cade's followers could not keep their hands
+off private property, and a little pillage was perpetrated. Even Jack
+himself, who sometimes set a good example to his followers, was tempted to
+plunder the house at which he usually dined; and the citizens, feeling
+that as the spoons were beginning to go, their turn would probably be
+next, became indignant at the outrage. They consequently refused admission
+to Cade the next morning when he came to transact his city business as
+usual.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was next determined by the court to delude the rebels by an offer of a
+pardon; and Cade caught at the bait with a simplicity less characteristic
+of a Jack than of a gudgeon. In two days, however, he altered his mind,
+and refused to lay down his arms or walk off his legs, until Government
+gave a guarantee for the fulfilment of its promises. With the customary
+hatred of each other, which too often prevails among the lovers of their
+country, the patriots commenced quarrelling. Cade began to fear that some
+disinterested friend of freedom would sell him for the thousand marks that
+were offered for his head; and Jack, from the idea of being apprehended,
+was thrown into a constant state of apprehension. Sneaking quietly
+downstairs in the night, he found his way to the stable, where he mounted
+a clever hack, and using what spurs he could to the animal's exertion, put
+him along at a slapping pace towards the coast of Sussex. He had not
+proceeded very far, when turning to look back on what he had gone through,
+he saw at his heels Alexander Iden, Esq. Jack had scarcely got out the
+words, "Is that you, Alick?" when a lick from Iden's sword revealed the
+purpose of his mission. "No, you don't!" cried Cade, parrying an attempt
+to plant a second blow, and putting in a slight poke with his battle-axe
+very efficiently. Were we to borrow the graphic style of the sporting
+chroniclers, in describing a fight, we should say that Iden came up
+smiling, and evidently meaning business, which he transacted by
+enumerating one, two, three, in rapid succession on Jack's chest, followed
+up by four, five, six, on the face, and seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven,
+twelve, in the stomach. Cade endeavoured to rally, but every effort
+failed; and Alexander Iden, Esq., claimed the thousand marks that had been
+advertised. The amount was large for a head with very little in it; but
+the tail, consisting of the riff-raff led on by Cade, formed the real
+value of the article.
+</p>
+<p>
+A dispute now commenced between persons of higher degree; or, rather, it
+is to be suspected that Cade and his men had been used as the tools of
+some more exalted malcontent. It very frequently happens that political
+agitators in an humble rank of life are either cunningly or unconsciously
+playing the game of a political schemer of more exalted station; and while
+they are supposed to be working for the overthrow of one tyrant, they are
+preparing the way for the establishment of another.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Duke of York was the individual who, endeavouring to profit by the
+recent revolt, left Ireland, of which he had been Lieutenant, and forced
+himself into the king's presence. "Now then, what is it?" cried Henry,
+annoyed at the sudden intrusion; when York replied he had come to extract
+something from the mouth of the sovereign. "A tooth, perchance?"
+ironically remarked the king; but his majesty was informed that a promise
+to summon a Parliament was the utmost that York required. This was acceded
+to, and, when Parliament met, one of the members proposed declaring the
+Duke of York heir apparent to the throne, but the proposer was indignantly
+coughed down, unceremoniously pulled out, and promptly committed to the
+Tower. The duke, discouraged at having a minority of one, which
+imprisonment had reduced to none, in his favour, repaired to his castle at
+Ludlow, where he collected a large army; but, by way of proving that he
+had no evil intentions towards the king, he took, every now and then, the
+oath of allegiance. This periodical perjury had very little effect, for
+York was better known than trusted, and an army was sent against him. As
+the forces went one way to meet him, he came up to London by another road,
+but the gates of the City were slammed in his face just as he came up to
+them. "Well, I'm sure!" was the indignant murmur of York, to which,
+according to an Irish chronicler who came from Ireland in the duke's
+suite, "You can't come in," was the only echo. Foiled in this attempt, he
+went to Kent, expecting Jack Cade's followers would rally round him, but
+beyond some half-dozen seedy scamps, belonging to the class excluded from
+kitchens under the general order of "No followers allowed," there were no
+adherents to York's banner. When Henry came up with him at Dartford, both
+of them, like two little boys who have met to fight and don't know how to
+begin, were anxious to negotiate. This was agreed to, and the duke having
+disbanded his army, by which, as the papers say when a theatre closes
+prematurely, "an immense number of persons were thrown out of employ," he
+went to Henry's tent for a personal interview.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0110" id="linkimage-0110"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/311m.jpg" alt="311m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/311.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The meeting was very unpleasant, for Somerset happening to be seated
+there, had the bad taste to assail York with a volley of vulgar abuse,
+which the latter repaid with interest. "You're a felon and a traitor,
+sir!" cried Somerset, as York came in, which elicited, by way of reply,
+"You're an old humbug," and other taunts, among which "Who embezzled the
+taxes?" was rather conspicuous. As the duke was about to depart, a
+tipstaff tripped up to him, and, begging his pardon, intimated that he was
+in custody. Somerset would have applied for speedy execution, but York
+compromised the affair by a little more perjury, for he swore a good batch&mdash;sufficient
+to last him a whole year&mdash;of truth and allegiance. He then retired to
+his castle, where he may have amused himself with playing at "Beggar my
+Neighbour" with his porter, as far as we can tell, for his employment
+while in seclusion at Wigmore is not recorded in history.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry's utter incapacity to hold the reins, which were literally dropping
+out of his hands, began to give great uneasiness to the Parliament. York
+was wanted back, and Somerset was sent to the Tower, for the two rivals
+were like the two figures in the toy for indicating the weather. What
+brought one out sent the other in, and a storm was the signal for the
+entrance of York, while political sunshine was favourable to
+</p>
+<p>
+Somerset. On the 14th of February, 1454, York opened Parliament as
+commissioner for the king, who was personally visited at Windsor by a
+deputation of peers, desirous of ascertaining his exact condition. They
+found Henry perfectly imbecile, and incapable of understanding a word or
+uttering a syllable. The deputation conceiving it possible that his
+majesty might be merely muddled, retired to give him time to come to, but
+on their return they found him in the same state as before, and <i>ditto</i>
+repeated on a third visit. The deputation, resolving unanimously that
+"this sort of thing would never do," reported the facts to Parliament, and
+Richard, Duke of York, was elected "Protector and Defender of the realm of
+England." In about nine months Henry was declared to have recovered his
+senses, such as they were, and the court claimed for him the return of the
+reins, which had been taken out of his hands by reason of his incapacity.
+York was instantly put down, and Somerset again taken up to occupy the
+box-seat as heretofore.
+</p>
+<p>
+The ex-protector retired to Ludlow as before, but got together some
+troops, and poor Henry was put, or carried, or propped up, at the head of
+an opposing army. The duke having no fear of a force under such a
+tumble-down leader, met him near the capital, and sent a message, full of
+loyalty, to the king, but insisting on Somerset being sent back by return,
+to be dealt with in the most rigorous manner. An answer was returned in
+the king's name, declaring his determination to perish rather than betray
+his friend; but it was the friend himself who assigned to his majesty this
+very disinterested preference. The sovereign was indeed so imbecile that
+he knew not what he said, and understood nothing of what was said for him,
+so that when he asked if he would not rather die in battle than hand
+Somerset over to the foe, an unmeaning grin was the only reply of the
+royal idiot. A fight of course ensued, and York got the best of it.
+Somerset was among the slain, and the poor king, who was as innocent of
+the use of a sword as a child in arms, got a wound in the neck, which sent
+him howling and reeling away till he took refuge in a tan-yard. York found
+him hiding among the hides, and pulling him out with gentleness, conducted
+him to the Abbey of St. Alban's. Every care was taken of the wounded
+monarch, whose neck was duly poulticed, and whose feet were put in hot
+water, though indeed they were seldom out of it.
+</p>
+<p>
+When Parliament met after this affair, theoretical allegiance was sworn to
+the king and prince, but practical contempt of their position was
+exercised. York was declared protector until Edward, the heir to the
+throne, attained his majority; but Henry was superannuated at once, for he
+was liable, like a hare in the month of March, to fits of insanity. He was
+sometimes sensible enough, but no one could elucidate the date of his
+lucid intervals; and as the sceptre is little better than a red-hot poker
+in a madman's hands, he was very properly deprived of that powerful
+instrument.
+</p>
+<p>
+Things had been thus arranged, when, on the meeting of Parliament, in
+1456, after the Christmas recess, Henry, to the surprise of everyone,
+rushed in, exclaiming&mdash;"I'll trouble you for that crown!" and "Oblige
+me with a catch of that ball!"&mdash;alluding to the orb which forms part
+of the regalia. No one disputed his restoration to sanity, and York
+resigned the protectorate, looking unutterable things, as if he had just
+been engaged in a speculation by which he had made a profit of eightpence
+and incurred the loss of a shilling.
+</p>
+<p>
+The king now endeavoured to effect a reconciliation between the rival
+parties, who affected to make it up, but started at once to their
+respective castles, for the purpose of looking up materials and men for
+the renewal of hostilities. York sent his sword to the grinder's, his
+armour to the tin-plate-worker's, to be let out, pieced, and otherwise
+repaired&mdash;while the Lancastrian chiefs were, on their side, resorting
+to similar arrangements. At length they came to a battle, in September,
+1459, and the Yorkists were in the better position, when Sir Andrew
+Trollop&mdash;either from blockheadism, or bribery, or both&mdash;deserted,
+with all his veterans, to the standard of Henry. York, taking a series of
+hops, skips and jumps over the Welsh mountains, fled into Ireland. He ran
+so fast, that the muscles of his leg were contracted; and it was said at
+the time, that the York hams had as much as they could do to keep ahead of
+the Bath chaps, many of whom were engaged in the battle, from having lived
+not far from the neighbourhood. Warwick escaped to Calais, where he was
+exceedingly popular, and he soon collected forces enough to admit of his
+landing in Kent, where he stuck up his banner with the view of collecting
+a crowd, and then touting for followers. The project was successful, and
+by the time he reached Blackheath he had got thirty thousand men at his
+heels, according to the old chroniclers, who, it is only fair to say, have
+a peculiar multiplication table of their own, and who, whatever may be
+their aptitude at facts, certainly present to us some of the very oddest
+figures.
+</p>
+<p>
+Warwick's reception was very enthusiastic. The archbishop ran out of
+Canterbury to meet him and shake him by the hand, Lord Cobham clapped him
+amicably on the shoulders, and five bishops, taking off their mitres,
+waved them as he passed in token of welcome. Warwick made at once for the
+midland counties, carrying with him the young heir of York, and meeting
+the Lancastrians at Northampton, a battle was fought which ended in the
+defeat of the latter. Henry was taken prisoner; but his wife Margaret of
+Anjou escaped with her son Edward, and encountered one of those adventures
+which season with a spice of romance the sometimes insipid dish of
+history. The story we are about to relate is offered with a caution to our
+readers, but it is too good to be omitted, and we are, moreover, afraid
+that were we to leave it out for the sake of correctness, we should be
+blamed for the omission. Use is second nature in literature as well as in
+anything else; and the public, being accustomed to falsehood, would regard
+the absence of even the most flagrant hoax as a curtailment of the fair
+proportions of history. It is, however, only under protest that we can
+lend ourselves to the gratification of this very morbid appetite, and we
+therefore advise the following story on the authority of <i>De Moleville</i>,
+to be taken not merely <i>cum grano salis</i>, but with an entire cellar
+of that very wholesome condiment.
+</p>
+<p>
+The anecdote runs as follows: Margaret fled with her son into the recesses
+of a forest, like one of those which we see on the stage, where cut woods,
+canvas banks, and trees growing downwards from the sky-boarders, furnish
+an umbrageous recess of the most sombre character. We fancy we see her
+advancing to slow music, laying her child on a canvas bank, and listening
+to the rattle of peas accompanied by the shaking of sheet iron, which form
+the rain and thunder of theatrical life, when suddenly a whistle is heard,
+and two figures enter whose long black worsted hair, wash-leather
+gauntlets, drawn broadswords, and yellow ochre countenances, bespeak that
+they are robbers of the worst complexion. The queen has, of course, all
+her jewels blazing about her, which the two men proceed to appropriate,
+and while they are quarrelling about the division of her booty, she
+contrives to escape.
+</p>
+<p>
+This brings us to another part of the same forest, where the scenery is
+not quite so elaborate, but where Margaret, leading on her infant son,
+stumbles upon a sentimental robber with a drawn sword in his hand, a tear
+of sensibility in his eye, and in his mouth a claptrap. She appeals to his
+generosity in favour of a "female in distress;" he replies with some
+cutting allusions to the "man who&mdash;" compares himself to a melon, or
+a cocoa-nut, or anything else with a rough exterior, but with some
+sweetness or milk of human kindness within, and by way of climax, she
+exclaims, "Here, my friend, I commit to your care the safety of the king's
+son."
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0111" id="linkimage-0111"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/314m.jpg" alt="314m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/314.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The honest fellow&mdash;by whom we mean, of course, the professional thief
+and casual cut-throat&mdash;goes down upon one knee in a fit of loyalty,
+and according to the scholastic versions of this little incident he is
+"recalled to virtue by the flattering confidence reposed in him." * He
+went also a step further, and at once devoted himself to the service of
+the queen, magnanimously offering to share her fortunes, which considering
+the desperate nature of his own, was a proposition equally indicative of
+self-love and loyalty. Her majesty accepted the offer, and embarked for
+Flanders, of course paying all the expenses of her friend the sentimental
+robber, who became the companion of her flight, and a pensioner on her
+pocket.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Sec Pinnock'a edition of Goldsmith's History of England,
+p. 143 of the thirty-second edition.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Fighting between the adherents of York on one side, and of Lancaster on
+the other, continued with unabated fury, until York having gained a
+victory at Northampton, called a Parliament, and walked straight up to the
+throne. He took hold of the hammer-cloth, as if to mount, and looked round
+as much as to say, "Shall I?" but no "hears," "cheers," or "bravoes,"
+encouraged him to proceed. Another battle was fought soon after at
+Wakefield Bridge, when Richard, Duke of York, was killed, and his son
+Edward succeeded to the title, which was very shortly afterwards exchanged
+for that of king, at a packed meeting of citizens. The question was put
+whether Henry was fit to reign, and the "Noes" had it as a matter of
+course, when a motion that Edward of York should ascend the throne, was
+carried by a large majority.
+</p>
+<p>
+Thus he who was not yet of age, and who had been recently nothing more
+than Earl March, was in early March, 1461, voted to the sovereignty by the
+acclamation of the people. Rushing into the House of Lords, he vaulted in
+a true spirit of vaulting ambition on to the throne, from which he
+delivered a discourse on hereditary right, making out every other right to
+be wrong, and maintaining his own right to be the only genuine article.
+</p>
+<p>
+Poor Margaret made a futile attempt to rouse the loyalty of the citizens
+of London in a letter which she addressed to them, * but the style is so
+exceedingly vague, that we do not wonder at the document having proved
+ineffectual. As far as it is possible to collect the meaning of the
+epistle to which we have referred, it trounces the Duke of York in a style
+of truly female earnestness. It calls him an "untrue, unsad, and unadvised
+person," who is "of pure malice, disposed to continue in his cruelness, to
+the utterest undoing, if he might," of the fair letter-writer and her
+offspring. Poor Margaret's state of mind may have accounted for the
+tremendous topsy-turviness&mdash;to use a familiar expression&mdash;of her
+sentences. The bursting heart cannot trammel itself by those fetters which
+grammarians and rhetoricians have forged to restrain language within its
+proper limits. That Margaret of Anjou was a woman of business is evident
+from a copy of one of her wardrobe books now, in a state of perfect
+preservation, in the office of the Duchy of Lancaster. This private ledger
+of the royal lady would be a model for the accounts of modern
+housekeepers.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* This letter, which is to be found in the Harleian MSS.,
+No. 543, Fol. 147, is also given in Mary Anne Wood's
+interesting collection of <i>Letters of Royal and Illustrious
+Ladies of Great Britain</i>. The letter of Margaret of Anjou
+forms the thirty-eighth in the first volume of the work
+alluded to.
+</pre>
+<p>
+It comprises a journal of payments even down to the accuracy of pence; and
+her gardener's wages, put down at a hundred shillings a year, may be
+considered a fair criterion of the average scale of her expenditure. She
+laid out little in clothes, though she kept twenty-seven valets as well as
+a number of ladies-in-waiting, and "ten little damsels," whose salaries
+and persons were no doubt equally diminutive. That her economy must have
+been wonderful, is evident from the fact that she did it all for seven
+pounds a day, which she regularly paid to the treasurer of the king's
+household.
+</p>
+<p>
+It has not often been our lot to begin with a new sovereign until we have
+finished with the old; but in the present instance we must drop Henry the
+Sixth before his death, according to the example set us by his ungrateful
+people. We have, perhaps, lingered too long over the downfall of Henry,
+and we are warned by a sort of mental shout of "Edward the Fourth stops
+the way," that we must drive on with our history.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0025" id="link2HCH0025"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE FIFTH. EDWARD THE FOURTH.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0112" id="linkimage-0112"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/316m.jpg" alt="316m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/316.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+DWARD, like the individual who having got such a thing as a crown about
+him, fully intended keeping it, lost no time in going into the provinces
+to enforce his claims. After killing twenty-eight thousand Lancastrians,
+and threatening a lesson on the Lancastrian system to anyone who might
+continue to oppress him, he returned to town, and was crowned on the 29th
+of June, 1461, in the usual style of magnificence.
+</p>
+<p>
+Poor Henry, the deposed sovereign, was carried about at the head of his
+adherents, to give them something to rally round; but they might just as
+well have had a maypole, or any other inanimate object, for the ex-king
+was utterly imbecile. He could only be compared to a guy in the hands of
+the boys on the 5th of November; and sometimes, when his adherents were
+forced to run for it, they set him down to escape as he could, by which he
+was occasionally on the point of being taken prisoner.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward assembled a Parliament, which cut short all objections to the line
+of York by declaring that the three last kings of the line of Lancaster
+were intruders, and the grants they had made were of course reversed, in
+order to raise a fund for laying in a large supply of new loyalty.
+</p>
+<p>
+Poor Henry, to whom peace and quietness were necessary, would have been
+very well satisfied to retire into private life, had not his impetuous
+wife, the tremendous Margaret, dragged him about with her at the head of a
+few proscribed and desperate nobles. Shortness of cash cramped the efforts
+of this impetuous female, who ran over to France, with the intention of
+begging and borrowing from all her relatives. The Duke of Brittany gave
+her a trifle, but Louis the Eleventh pleaded poverty, and even produced
+his books to show that he had not a penny beyond what he required for his
+own necessities. When, however, she talked of surrendering Calais, he
+produced twenty thousand crowns, which he had probably put by in an old
+stocking, and lent her the sum, with a couple of thousand men, under Peter
+de Brez�.
+</p>
+<p>
+With this assistance Margaret burst into the northern counties, and,
+pushing poor Henry before her wherever she went, thrust him through the
+gates of a small series of castles which she had taken by surprise. These
+were soon taken back again, and Margaret, being obliged to fly, lost all
+her borrowed money in a storm at sea, which washed all her property in one
+direction and herself in another. After a few minor transactions, the 15th
+of May, 1464, was rendered famous by the battle of Hexham, at which the
+hiding or tanning of the Lancastrians was so complete, that Hexham tan is
+to this day a leading article of commerce. Margaret escaped to her
+father's court, but poor Henry, after wandering about the moors of
+Lancashire, had found his way to Yorkshire, where he had gone out to dine
+at Waddington Hall, when a treacherous servant, or a traitor waiter,
+delivered him up to his enemies. The unhappy Henry was turned into the
+Tower, which, under all the circumstances, was the best place for him.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward, now adopting the sentiment of the vocalist, who, wishing to
+introduce a tender song in the character of a hero, modulates into a
+softer feeling by exclaiming, "Farewell, glory; welcome, love," resolved
+on paying those devotions to the fair which a necessity for encountering
+the brave had hitherto rendered impossible. He had intended to marry some
+foreign princess, and Warwick had engaged him to a young lady named Bona,
+daughter of the Duke of Savoy and sister to the Queen of France; but the
+king denied that he had ever given instructions to sue, and declined being
+bound by the act of his solicitor, who had solicited for him the hand of
+the fair princess. The truth was, that his majesty had formed other views,
+or, rather, other views had been formed for him by an old match-making
+mother, who exhibited all those manoeuvring qualities which constitute, in
+the present day, the art of getting a daughter off to the best advantage.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0113" id="linkimage-0113"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/318m.jpg" alt="318m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/318.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The king, while hunting at Stony Stratford, pursuing a stag, came suddenly
+upon a pretty dear, who literally staggered him. The young lady was the
+widow of Sir Thomas Gray, and the daughter of Jacquetta of Luxemburg by
+her second husband, Sir Richard Woodville, afterwards Earl of Rivers.
+There is not the smallest doubt that Lady Gray and her mamma had arranged
+together this accidental interview. The young lady, who seems to have been
+a finished pupil in the school of flirtation, entreated the king to
+reverse the attainder passed on her late husband, to which Edward replied,
+that "he must be as stonyhearted as Stony Stratford itself if he could
+refuse her anything." This rubbish ripened into a real offer of marriage,
+which was, of course, accepted, and Lady Gray was crowned Queen of England
+in the year following.
+</p>
+<p>
+Warwick was rather nettled at being, as he said, "made a fool of" by his
+royal master, and grew particularly jealous of the influence of the king's
+wife, who got off her five unmarried sisters upon the heirs of as many
+dukes or earls. He intrigued with the king's brother, the Duke of
+Clarence, and both of them, being denounced as traitors, were obliged to
+go abroad upon an order to travel. They visited France, where King Louis
+not only supplied them with board and lodging, but put Warwick in the way
+of a negotiation with Queen Margaret, which, it was thought, would be
+advantageous to all parties. It was arranged that another push should be
+made to push Henry on to the throne, but, as Warwick never did business
+for nothing, he stipulated for the marriage of his daughter with the
+queen's son, Edward.
+</p>
+<p>
+Having reduced everything to writing, Warwick took his standard out of his
+portmanteau for the purpose of planting it, and on the 13th of September,
+1479, he landed at Plymouth with a select but sturdy party of malcontents.
+The people, whose motto was, "Anything for a change," were soon persuaded
+to join in a cry of "Long live King Henry," and he was taken out of the
+Tower for the purpose of being dragged about as a puppet to give a sort of
+legitimacy to Warwick's projects. This nobleman had got the name of the
+king-maker from a knack he had of manufacturing the royal article with a
+rapidity truly astonishing. He could coin a sovereign to order with a
+dispatch that the mint itself might fairly be jealous of. He could provide
+a new king at the shortest notice, like those victuallers who profess to
+have "dinners always ready;" and Edward having got into "very low cut,"
+Henry was "just up" as the latest novelty from the <i>cuisine</i> of the
+ingenious Warwick.
+</p>
+<p>
+When Edward saw what was going on he thought it high time for himself to
+be going off, and, with a few adherents who had not a change of linen in
+their trunks nor a penny in their purses, he got into a ship bound for
+Holland. The king himself had no money to pay his passage, and offered the
+captain, says Comines, "a gown lined with martens," as a remuneration for
+his services. Edward fled to Burgundy, where he persuaded the duke to
+advance a trifle in the way of ships, money, and men, with which the
+ousted monarch landed at Ravenspur. On his first arrival the people held
+back, saying, "Oh, here's the old business over again. We've had enough of
+this," and employing other expressions of discouragement. He, however,
+declared he had no intention of unsettling anything or anybody&mdash;except
+his bills, which remained unsettled as a matter of course&mdash;and was
+allowed to enter the capital, where he was once more proclaimed sovereign.
+It is an old commercial principle in this country, that debt is a sign of
+prosperity, and Edward's success has been attributed to the fact of his
+owing vast sums to the London merchants. They were, of course, interested
+in the well-being of their debtor, and the hypothesis was thus proved to
+be true, that he who is worse off is in a better position than he who is
+well-to-do, and the man whose circumstances are tolerably straight, is not
+so eligibly situated as the individual whose affairs are materially
+straightened. Edward, though not in clover, was obliged to be in the
+field, for Warwick fell upon his rear with alarming vehemence. They fought
+at Barnet on the 14th of April, 1471, in the midst of a mist, when poor
+Warwick was not only lost in the fog, but many of his friends were killed,
+and Edward obtained a decisive victory. The particulars of this battle
+have never been very accurately given, for the fog and the old chroniclers
+were almost equally dense; and between them the affair is involved in much
+obscurity.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0114" id="linkimage-0114"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/320m.jpg" alt="320m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/320.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+It is easier to quell sixty thousand men than to subdue one troublesome
+woman, and Queen Margaret still gave "a deal of trouble" to the conqueror.
+She, however, ultimately fell into his hands, together with her son&mdash;one
+of the "rising generation" of that time&mdash;who, on being asked by
+Edward what he meant by entering the realm in arms, replied pertly, "I
+came to preserve my father's crown and my own inheritance."&mdash;"Did
+you, indeed, you young jackanapes?" cried Edward, "then take that," and he
+flicked the boy's nose with the thumb of a large gauntlet. The child set
+up a piercing yell, but this was not the worst of it, for some attendants,
+excited by the brutal example of their master, gave the lad a blow or two,
+which finished him.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward returned to town, and sent Henry, with his queen, to the Tower,
+from which the latter was ransomed by her relatives; but the former having
+no friends to buy him off or bail him out, remained in custody. He died a
+few weeks after his committal, and his death is attributed to the Duke of
+Gloucester, who from the peculiar conformation of his back, had shoulders
+broad enough to bear all the stray crimes for which no other owner may
+have been forthcoming. Accordingly, every piece of iniquity that can be
+traced to no one in particular, is usually added to Gloucester's huge
+catalogue of delinquencies.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Lancastrians were now regularly down, and every opportunity was taken
+for hitting them. Some were driven into exile, others were got rid of by
+more decided means, and a few, whose talents were worth saving, got
+purchased at a valuation, more or less fair, by the now Government. Sir
+John Fortescue, the Chief Justice to Henry the Sixth and the greatest
+lawyer of his time, was sold in this disreputable manner; for the judges
+of those days, unlike the pure occupants of the bench in our own, were as
+saleable as railway shares, and had their regular market price for anyone
+by whom such an investment was desired.
+</p>
+<p>
+The prosperity of the House of York was now only marred by a quarrel
+between the Dukes of Gloucester and Clarence. The latter had married
+Warwick's eldest daughter, and claimed the whole property of his
+father-in-law, of which Gloucester naturally wanted a slice, and he struck
+up to Anne, a younger daughter, in order to derive some claim to a share
+of the family fortune. Clarence, anxious to baffle his brother, sent the
+young lady out to service as a cook, in London, when Gloucester&mdash;disguised
+probably as a policeman&mdash;found her out, and ran away with her.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0115" id="linkimage-0115"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/321m.jpg" alt="321m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/321.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+He won her by alleging his heart to be incessantly on the beat, and by
+promising her the advantages of a superior station. He lodged her in the
+then rural lane of St. Martin's, and the king ultimately arranged the
+difference between his brothers by assigning a handsome portion to Lady
+Anne, and leaving Clarence to take the rest; while the widowed Countess of
+Warwick, who had brought all the money into the family, was obliged to
+leave it there, without touching it, for she got nothing.
+</p>
+<p>
+In 1475 Edward began to form ambitious projects with regard to France, and
+sent off to Louis the Eleventh one of those claims for the crown which
+some of the preceding kings of England had been in the habit of
+forwarding. The letter was written in terms of marvellous politeness, and
+Louis having read it, desired the herald who brought it to step into the
+next room, where he was treated with great affability. Louis complimented
+the letter-carrier in the most fulsome manner, recommending him to advise
+his master to withdraw his claim as futile and ridiculous. "Bless you, he
+don't mind me," was the modest reply of the herald; but Louis remarked
+that the words of such a sensible fellow must have considerable weight,
+and slipped three hundred crowns into his pouch, with a wink of intense
+significance. The herald was regularly taken aback, and his bewilderment
+increased when his majesty, observing, "Dear me, what a shabby cloak
+you've got on," ordered three hundred yards of crimson velvet to be cut
+off from the best piece in the royal wardrobe. Garter&mdash;for such was
+the herald's rank&mdash;promised to do the very best he could; for the
+velvet had softened him down, or smoothed him over, to the side of Louis.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward nevertheless made extensive preparations to smash the French king,
+and strained every nerve to get the sinews of war, which he did by
+insinuating himself into the favour of his people. He emptied their
+pockets with considerable grace, and was the first to give the attractive
+name of Benevolences to those grants which were mercilessly extracted from
+the Parliament. Edward and Louis, though hating each other with the utmost
+cordiality, thought it prudent to negotiate&mdash;the former from
+mercenary motives, and the latter for the sake of peace and quiet. An
+interview was at last agreed upon, to take place at the bridge of
+Picquigny, near Amiens, across which a partition of railings had been
+thrown, to prevent treachery on either side. Louis came first, and looked
+through the bars, when Edward tripped gracefully up to the other side,
+bowing to within a foot of the ground, and paying a few commonplace
+compliments. Louis invited Edward to Paris, they shook hands through the
+bars, and the English king received a sordid bribe through the grating,
+"which," says the incorrigible Comines, "was exceedingly grating to the
+feelings of some of his nobles."
+</p>
+<p>
+Several cruelties disgraced the latter part of Edward's reign; and one of
+the worst of his enormities was his treatment of Stacey and Burdett, two
+officers of the household of the Duke of Clarence. Stacey was accused of
+having dealings with the devil; but if he had, it was only the printer's
+devil; for Stacey was a priest of the order of Whitefriars, and learned in
+the typographic art, which had recently been discovered. No proof
+unfavourable to Stacey could be produced, but he was put to the torture by
+being made to set up night and day, which made him curse the author of his
+misery. Thomas Burdett, another gentleman of Clarence's household, was
+tried as an accomplice to Stacey, and these unfortunate men, having had
+their heads cut off, "died," according to the Chroniclers, "protesting
+their innocence." Clarence himself was the next victim, and on the 16th of
+January, 1478, he was brought to the bar of the House of Lords on a charge
+of having dealings with conjurors. It seems hard, in these days, when
+tricks of magic are exceedingly popular, that a person suspected of
+conjuring should be pursued with the vengeance of the law; and the
+hardship of the affair is particularly great in the case of Clarence, who
+was never known to make a plum-pudding in his hat, or perform any other of
+the ingenious tricks which have gained money and fame for the wizards of
+the present era. The unfortunate duke met all the charges against him with
+a flat denial, but he was found guilty, and sentence of death was passed
+upon him, on the 7th of February, 1478. His execution was never publicly
+carried out, and rumour has accordingly been left to run riot among the
+thousand ways in which Clarence might have undergone his capital
+punishment. The usual mode of accounting for his death is by the
+suggestion, that his brothers left the matter to his own choice, and that
+he preferred drowning in a butt of Malmsey wine to any other fatal
+penalty. The only objection to this arrangement appears to be that which
+occurred to an excellent English king of modern times, when he wondered
+how the apple got into the dumpling. However capacious the butt may have
+been in which Clarence desired to be drowned, it is obvious that he never
+could have entered the cask through its only aperture, the bunghole. When
+we witness the marvel of an individual getting into a quart-bottle, we
+shall begin to have faith in the story that Clarence met his death in the
+manner alluded to. If the wine was already in the cask before Clarence was
+immersed, there could have been no admission, even on business, except
+through the bunghole, and it is not likely that the vessel could have been
+empty before the duke took his place for the purpose of undergoing a
+vinous shower-bath.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward led for some time a life of luxury, which was now and then
+disturbed by wars with Scotland, though he never thought it worth his
+while to take the field in person, but always got his big brother, Richard
+Duke of Gloucester, to fight for him. Matters nevertheless took a fresh
+turn when the Duke of Albany, brother of James the Third, came over and
+declared he was entitled to the Scotch throne in preference to his elder
+relative. "I mean to swear he is illegitimate," said Albany, and he
+offered to give up Berwick to Edward, on condition of an army being lent
+to depose the reigning sovereign. A marriage with one of the English
+king's daughters was also proposed by Albany, who "thought it right to
+mention that he had two wives already;" but he did not seem to anticipate
+any objection on that account. Albany and Gloucester were successful in
+most of their joint undertakings, but they did not fight very frequently,
+for a treaty was soon concluded. Until this arrangement was carried out,
+Albany made every warlike demonstration, and produced a wholesome terror
+by the exhibition of a tremendous piece of artillery, familiarly known to
+us in these days as a cannon of the period. Its chief peculiarity was its
+aptitude&mdash;according to the engravings we have seen of it&mdash;for
+carrying cannon-balls considerably larger than the mouth of the piece
+itself, for we have often feasted our eyes upon very interesting pictures
+of a cannon-ball issuing from a cannon not half the circumference of the
+projected missile.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0116" id="linkimage-0116"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/324m.jpg" alt="324m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/324.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Whether it is that in those days expanding ammunition was provided, which
+increased in bulk twofold after leaving the cannon's mouth, we are unable
+to say at this period; but the illuminations of the time undoubtedly
+present this striking phenomenon. The dust of ages lies unfortunately on
+many of our facts, and though we might, it is true, take up a duster and
+wipe the dust of ages off, there is a pleasure in the imaginative which
+the actual could never realise.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward having been duped by his allies in France, on some matters almost
+of a private character, took the deception so much to heart, that he put
+himself into a violent passion, and died of it with wondrous rapidity.
+Instead of a raging fever, he caught the fever of rage, and died on the
+6th of April, 1483, in the forty-first year of his age, and twenty-first
+of his reign. The assassination of sovereigns was then so common, that
+Edward the Fourth lay in state for some days, to show that he had not come
+to his death by any but fair means, for he was a king that merited severe
+treatment, at least as much as some of his predecessors; and it was,
+therefore, presumed that he might have come in for his share of that fatal
+violence which it was usual to bestow on kings in the early and middle
+periods of our history. In concluding our account of this reign, we may,
+perhaps, be expected to give a character of Edward the Fourth; but, <i>ex
+nihilo nihil fit</i>, and upon this principle we are unable to furnish a
+character for one who had lost in the lapse, or rather in the lap of time,
+whatever he may once have possessed of that important article.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0026" id="link2HCH0026"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE SIXTH. EDWARD THE FIFTH.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0117" id="linkimage-0117"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/325m.jpg" alt="325m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/325.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+AD the crown been always adapted to the head on which it devolves, the
+diadem would have been in very reduced circumstances when it descended on
+the baby brow of the fifth Edward. Almost bonneted by a bauble
+considerably too large for his head, and falling over his eyes, it was
+impossible that the boy-king could enjoy otherwise than a very poor
+look-out on his accession to the sovereignty. He had been on a visit to
+his maternal uncle, the Earl of Rivers, at Ludlow Castle, but he was now
+placed under the protection of his paternal uncle, Richard, Duke of
+Gloucester, as a sort of apprentice to learn the business of government.
+Richard, who was at the head of an army in Scotland at his brother's
+death, marched with six hundred men to a <i>maison de deuil</i>, where he
+insisted on having ready-made mourning for his followers. The astonished
+tradesman, exclaiming, in the language of one of our modern poets,
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+"Five minutes' time is all we ask
+To execute the mournful task,"
+</pre>
+<p>
+prepared at once the melancholy outfit. Richard led his adherents to York,
+where a funeral service was performed, and the troops, looking like so
+many mutes, completely dumbfounded the populace. Their conduct and their
+clothes combined&mdash;for their designs seemed to be as dark and
+mysterious as their habits&mdash;obtained for these soldiers the
+unenviable name of the black-guards of the Duke of Gloucester.
+</p>
+<p>
+Richard's next care was to swear loyalty and fealty to his young nephew&mdash;which
+went far towards proving the absence of both; for those who wish a little
+of anything to go a great way, generally make the utmost possible display
+of it. Notwithstanding the continued show of attachment evinced by the
+uncle for the nephew, it soon began to be noticed that Richard was a good
+deal like a snowball, for he picked up adherents wherever he moved; and as
+he went rolling about the country, he soon swelled into a formidable size
+with the band that encircled him. He, however, calmed suspicion by
+declaring that he was only collecting supernumeraries for his nephew's
+coronation. The fact is, that Richard was all the time plotting with that
+discontented fellow Buckingham, the well-known malcontent, of whom it has
+been justly said that he liked nothing nor nobody.
+</p>
+<p>
+Gloucester arrived at Northampton on the 22nd of April, 1483, about the
+same time that Rivers and Gray had "tooled" the baby-king by easy stages
+as far as Stony Stratford. The two lords came to Northampton to salute
+Richard, who asked them to supper at his hotel, when Buckingham dropped in
+and joined the party. The four noblemen passed the evening together very
+pleasantly, for the song, the sentiment, the joke and the jug, the pitcher
+and the pun, were passed about until long after midnight. Stretchers for
+two were in readiness, to take home Gray, who looked dreadfully blue, and
+Rivers, who was half-seas over, while the two dukes, who had kept
+tolerably sober, remained in secret debate, for they did
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+"Not go home till morning,
+Till daylight did appear."
+</pre>
+<p>
+On the morrow, the whole party started off, apparently very good friends,
+towards Stony Stratford, to meet the young king, who was immediately
+grasped by his uncle Gloucester.
+</p>
+<p>
+The royal infant naturally gave a sort of squeak at the too affectionate
+clutch of his uncle, who, pretending to think that Gray and Rivers had
+alienated the boy's affection from himself, ordered them both into arrest,
+when Gloucester and Buckingham fell obsequiously on their knees before the
+child, whom they saluted as their sovereign. Their first care was to
+ascertain who were his favourites, for the purpose of getting rid of them.
+Two of the royal servants, Sir Thomas Vaughan and Sir Richard Hawse, were
+dismissed not only without a month's warning, but, as they were sent off
+to prison at once, "suiting themselves with other situations" was utterly
+impossible. Young Edward was kept as a kind of prisoner, and Elizabeth,
+his mother, when she heard the news, set off to Westminster, with her
+second son and the five young ladies&mdash;her daughters&mdash;after her.
+The queen-mother had no party in London, and her arrival with her
+quintette of girls created no sensation.
+</p>
+<p>
+In a few days young Edward entered the city, but more as a captive than as
+a king, and lodgings were immediately taken for him in the Tower, where he
+was to be boarded, and, alas! done for by his loving uncle. Gloucester was
+named protector to the youthful sovereign, and moved to No. 1, Crosby
+Place, Bishopsgate (the number on the door), where, instead of behaving
+himself like a gentleman "living private," he held councils, while
+Hastings, who began to doubt the duke's loyalty, gave a series of
+opposition parties in the Tower. At one of these, Richard, who had never
+received a card of invitation, walked in, and voted himself into the chair
+with the most consummate impudence. In vain did Hastings intimate that it
+was a private room, or that Gloucester must have mistaken the house for
+there he sat, exclaiming, "Oh no, not at all," begging the company to make
+themselves at home, as he fully meant to do. He was particularly facetious
+to the Bishop of Ely, asking after his garden in Holborn, and proposing to
+the prelate to send for a plate of strawberries.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0118" id="linkimage-0118"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/327m.jpg" alt="327m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/327.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+These were soon brought, and Richard indulged in "potations pottle deep"
+of strawberries and cream, declaring all the while that the fruit was
+capital, and that of all wind instruments there was none he liked to have
+a blow out upon so much as the hautboy. The Protector having gone away for
+a short time, returned in a very ill humour, with his countenance looking
+exceedingly sour, as if the strawberries he had eaten had disagreed with
+him and the cream had curdled. He gave his lips several severe bites, and
+altogether appeared exceedingly snappish. Presently he asked what those
+persons deserved who had compassed or imagined his destruction. Hastings
+observed, "Why, that is so completely out of my compass that I can
+scarcely guess, but I don't mind saying off-hand that death is the least
+punishment they merit." The Protector declared his brother's wife&mdash;meaning
+the queen&mdash;and Mrs. Shore had between them twisted his body, which
+would, indeed, have been doing him a very bad turn; and, pulling up his
+sleeve, he exhibited his left arm, declaring there was something not at
+all right about it. The council agreed that the limb was a good deal
+damaged, and Hastings added that "<i>if</i> Mrs. Shore and the queen had
+really had a hand in Richard's arm, they certainly deserved grievous
+punishment."
+</p>
+<p>
+"What!" roared the Protector, "do you answer me with 'ifs'? I tell you
+they have, and no mistake." Whereupon he banged his fist down upon the
+table with tremendous violence, giving himself as well as Hastings a
+frightful rap on the knuckles. Thereupon a door opened, and "men in
+harness came rushing in," according to More, and, being in harness, they
+proceeded to fix the saddle on the right horse immediately. The Protector
+exclaimed "I arrest thee, traitor," and pointed to Hastings, who cried out
+"Eh! What! Oh! Pooh! Stuff! You're joking! Arrest me? What have I done?
+Fiddlestick!" To pursue the elegant description given by More, we must add
+that "another let fly at Stanley," who bobbed down his head and crawled
+under the table.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0119" id="linkimage-0119"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/328m.jpg" alt="328m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/328.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The officers, after some trouble, pulled him out by the leg&mdash;having
+first drawn off his boot in a futile attempt to secure him&mdash;and
+carried him away in custody. Richard then had another turn at Hastings,
+who was in a sort of hysterical humour, at one moment treating the matter
+as a joke, and at another not knowing exactly what to make of it. "You may
+laugh," at length roared Richard, "but I'll tell you what it is, my Lord
+Hastings, I've ordered my dinner to be ready by the time I get home, but
+by St. Paul I'll not touch a mouthful&mdash;and I own I'm deuced hungry&mdash;until
+I've seen your head."
+</p>
+<p>
+Hastings replied that such a condition was easily fulfilled, and thrusting
+his head into Richard's face exclaimed "There, my lord, you've seen my
+head, so now go home as soon as you like, and get your dinner." The
+Protector pushing him aside, expressed contempt for the paltry quibble,
+and amended the affidavit by inserting the word "off" after the word
+"head," and exclaiming "I'll see Hastings' head off before I touch a bit
+of dinner." Hastings was seized, and the purveyors for the Protector soon
+brought him the <i>avant go�t</i> which he had required as a provocative
+to his appetite. Richard's violence had thus come suddenly to a head, and
+Earl Rivers, with Sir Thomas Vaughan and Sir Richard Hawse, were executed
+on the same day at Pontefract.
+</p>
+<p>
+A few days after these executions, Richard went to the sanctuary at
+Westminster, arm-in-arm with the Archbishop of Canterbury, and called for
+the little Duke of York, who, they said, would be wanted for the
+coronation. Consent was somewhat unwillingly given, and Richard having got
+the child away, made him a prisoner in the Tower. An affecting anecdote is
+told of the ruse that was resorted to by Gloucester and his friend, the
+archbishop, to entrap their juvenile victim into going quietly with them
+towards the gloomy scene of his destined captivity. They lured him on from
+place to place by pretending that they were going to treat him to some
+wonderful show, and they took all sorts of roundabout ways to prevent him
+from suspecting the point they were really driving at. When the poor child
+was becoming tired of his walk, and surrounding objects had lost the
+attraction of novelty, he began crying after his mamma, with that filial
+force which is peculiar to the earliest period of infancy. Gloucester
+began to fear they should get a mob after them, if, as he savagely
+expressed himself, "the brat continued to howl," and the little fellow was
+promised, for the purpose of "stopping his mouth," that he should see his
+mother immediately. After walking him nearly off his little legs through
+back streets and alleys, they brought him out upon Tower Hill, and
+Richard, no longer disguising the fact that he was acting the part of the
+cruel uncle, snatched up in his arms the trembling child, who presently
+found himself in one of the gloomy apartments of the Tower.
+</p>
+<p>
+Richard's next artifice was to practise the "moral dodge," which seldom
+fails to tell upon an indiscriminating multitude. Jane Shore, who had been
+seduced by the late king, was fixed upon as a mark for plunder and
+persecution by Richard, who first robbed the poor woman of all she had and
+then sent her to prison. He professed to be so shocked at some of the
+incidents of her past life, that, as a moral agent or acting member of
+society for the suppression of vice, he could not allow her to escape
+without some heavy punishment. She was proceeded against in the
+Ecclesiastical Courts, and ordered to walk about London with a lighted
+rushlight in her hand and wearing nothing but a pair of sheets or a
+counterpane. The Hammersmith Ghost and Spring-heeled Jack are the only
+legitimate successors of Jane Shore in this remarkable proceeding, and
+might have cited her case as a precedent for their own unlawful practices.
+</p>
+<p>
+Richard also entered into an arrangement with Doctor Shaw, a popular
+preacher, who was to preach down, or, as it was then called, depreachiate
+the two young princes. The Reverend Doctor then threw a doubt on their
+legitimacy, and declared their late father Edward was not a bit like his
+reputed father, the Duke of York, and pulling out two enormous caricatures
+from under his gown he asked the crowd whether any likeness could be
+traced between them. "Instead of the eyes," he exclaimed, "being as like
+as two peas, these eyes are not even as like as two gooseberries!" He then
+asked his hearers to compare notes by comparing the noses of the two
+portraits he held in his hand; ana, pointing to the picture of Richard,
+Duke of York, he reminded them that the bridge of the nose was exactly
+like that of Richard, Duke of Gloucester. "There, my friends," he roared,
+"there is a bridge that I think there is no possibility of getting over!"
+The allusion created a laugh, but no conviction; and the failure was
+rendered more annoying by the Protector not arriving in time, as had been
+previously arranged, to enable Dr. Shaw to point out the striking
+likeness. By some mistake Richard missed the cue for his entrance, and did
+not come in until the comparison had passed, when upon Shaw endeavouring
+to recur to it, the trick was so obvious that the people only stared at
+each other, or passed their right thumbs significantly over their left
+shoulders. The Protector vented his disappointment and anger on the
+preacher, whom he denounced as an old meddler who did not know what he was
+talking about, and Doctor Shaw sneaked off, amid derision, shouts of
+"Pshaw! Pshaw!" and the jeers of the populace.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the following Tuesday Richard got his friend Buckingham to go down to
+Guildhall to give him a regular good puff, at a meeting of the citizens.
+Buckingham's speech was listened to with a deal of apathy, and there were
+numerous cries of "Cut it short," responded to with a faint shout of "Hear
+him out," and an occasional ejaculation of "Now then, stupid!" Buckingham
+persevered, and at the close of his address somebody threw up a bonnet,
+exclaiming "Long live King Richard!" The bonnet belonged evidently to a
+person of straw, and excited little more than ridicule.
+</p>
+<p>
+The speech of Buckingham to the citizens assembled in Guildhall, was a
+rare specimen of the eloquence of humbug; and it evidently formed a model
+for the discourses sent forth by auctioneers from the rostrum at a later
+period, The whole system, indeed, pursued by the Duke of Buckingham on the
+memorable occasion of his putting up the claim of Richard to the suffrages
+of the bystanders, was evidently in accordance with that by which bad lots
+are frequently got off at the highest prices.
+</p>
+<p>
+When there was a faint snout of "Long live King Richard," from a solitary
+individual, Buckingham adroitly multiplied the exclamation by declaring
+that he heard it "in two places," though he knew perfectly well that a
+solitary puffer, in his own employ, had been the only one who raised a
+shout for Gloucester. "What shall I say for Richard?" he lustily
+vociferated. "Look at him, gentlemen, before you bid. There's nothing
+spurious about <i>him</i>. Come, gentlemen, give me a bidding." At this
+juncture, one of the duke's touters cried out, from the bottom of the
+hall, "I'll bid a crown," and a slight titter arising, Buckingham took
+advantage of the circumstance to assert, that "a crown was bid for Richard
+in several places at once;" whereupon the tyrant was said to have been
+accepted at that price, and the business of the day concluded.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0120" id="linkimage-0120"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/331m.jpg" alt="331m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/331.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+On the next day a deputation was got up to wait on Richard at his
+lodgings, when he at first declined seeing them. His servant returned to
+say the gentleman particularly wished an interview, and Gloucester desired
+they might be shown up, when Buckingham and a few of the deputation were
+admitted to his presence. They handed him a paper, inviting and pressing
+him to accept the crown; but he observed, with assumed modesty, "that if
+he had it, he really should not know what to do with it."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Clap it on your head, of course," said Buckingham; and, suiting the
+action to the word, he thrust the bauble on the brow of his friend,
+observing, "Upon my honour, he looks well in it, don't he, Shaw?" and he
+turned to the Lord Mayor for approval. Richard, however, shook his head,
+and remarked that "he could not think of it;" when Buckingham, by a happy
+turn, suggested that "they had thought of it for him, and therefore, he
+might as well do it first and think of it afterwards."
+</p>
+<p>
+"But the little princes," remarked Richard, "whom I love bo much." This
+caused Buckingham to say, in the name of all present, that "they had
+determined not to have the little princes at any price." Upon this,
+Gloucester replied, "that he must meet the wishes of the people, and if
+they must have him, they must, but he, really, had a good deal rather
+not;" when, amid a quantity of significant winking on all sides, an end
+was put to the conference.
+</p>
+<p>
+This scene was enacted on the 24th of June, 1483, which was the last day
+of the nominal reign of the fifth Edward. It is impossible to give any
+character of this unfortunate king, whose sovereignty was almost limited
+to the walls of his own nursery. He might sometimes have played at sitting
+on a throne and holding a sceptre in his hand, but he never exercised the
+smallest power. He may, upon one or two occasions, have been allowed to
+dissolve Parliament; but it was only in the form of the cake so called,
+which he might, perhaps, be permitted to dissolve by the force of suction.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0027" id="link2HCH0027"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE SEVENTH. RICHARD THE THIRD.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0121" id="linkimage-0121"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/332m.jpg" alt="332m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/332.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+ICHARD, on coming to the throne, rushed into Westminster Hall, and took
+his seat on a sort of marble slab or mantel-piece, between the great Lord
+Howard and the Duke of Suffolk. The precious trio looked like a set of
+chimney ornaments, of which Richard formed the centre. He declared that he
+commenced his reign in that place, because it had been once a
+judgment-seat, and he was anxious to administer justice to his people. Ten
+days after, on the 6th of July, he was crowned in Westminster Abbey, and
+to prevent any murmurs at his usurpation, he was lavish of gifts,
+promotion and bribery. The Duke of Norfolk, the celebrated jockey
+mentioned by Shakspeare, who had put Richard in training for the throne,
+became Earl Marshal, and his son was created Earl of Surrey, in honour,
+perhaps, of the surreptitious manner in which the crown had been obtained
+for his master Richard. The Archbishop of York and the Bishop of Ely were
+set at liberty, "which caused them to dance with joy," according to one of
+the chroniclers, though we cannot imagine a pair of prelates indulging in
+Terpsichorean diversions on their release from prison.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the course of the summer, Richard made a royal progress, and was
+enthusiastically received, though it is believed that much of the
+enthusiasm was got up by frequent rehearsals with a set of
+supernumeraries, who were sent on before from town to town, to give a
+reception to the new sovereign. If Richard was expected to arrive anywhere
+at two, the populace would be called at one, to run through&mdash;in
+rehearsal&mdash;the cheers and gestures of satisfaction that were required
+to give brilliance to the usurper's entry. When he arrived at York, a wish
+was expressed by the inhabitants to see a coronation; and though the
+ceremony had already been performed in London, it was announced that the
+spectacle would be repeated, "by particular desire of several families of
+distinction."
+</p>
+<p>
+While Richard's starring expedition was most successful in the provinces,
+things in London were by no means looking up, for conspiracies were being
+formed to release the two young princes from the Tower. The usurper, not
+relishing these proceedings, sent a certain John Green&mdash;whose
+unsuspecting innocence has made viridity synonymous with stupidity ever
+since&mdash;as the bearer of a message, the purport of which he was wholly
+unconscious of. It was addressed to Sir Thomas Brackenbury, the governor
+of the Tower, requesting him to put to death the two royal children, by
+smothering them&mdash;in onions, or anything else that might be found
+convenient. Brackenbury refused the commission, not so much out of regard
+to the little princes as from fear on his own account, and he sent back
+the monosyllable "No" as an answer to the sovereign. Green, who knew not
+the purport of the message, returned with the curt reply, and upon his
+reiterating "No" as all he was desired to say, Richard angrily desired him
+"not to show his nose again at court for a considerable period." The
+tyrant was not, however, to be daunted, and he called his Master of the
+Horse, Sir James Tyrrel, whom he desired to go and lock every door in the
+Tower, and put the keys in his pocket. One night in August, Tyrrel took
+with him a fellow named Miles Forrest, a professional assassin, and John
+Dighton, an amateur, a big, broad, square, and strong knave, who,
+notwithstanding his squareness, was living on the cross for a long period.
+The precious trio went together to the Tower, and Tyrrel waiting at the
+door, Miles Forrest entered with John Dighton, who jointly smothered the
+children in the bedclothes.
+</p>
+<p>
+Dighton and Forrest entered with savage earnestness into this horrible
+transaction, and conducted themselves after the cruel fashion of a clown
+and pantaloon in a pantomime when an infant falls into their formidable
+clutches. Dighton danced on the bed, while Forrest flung himself across it
+with fearful vehemence. Tyrrel, who was standing outside, acted the part
+of an undertaker in this truly black job, and buried the princes at the
+foot of the staircase.
+</p>
+<p>
+Various accounts have been given of this atrocious deed, and antiquarians
+have quarrelled about the form of the bed the princes used to sleep upon.
+Some declare it was a turn-up, in which the children were suddenly
+inclosed; whilst others affirm that the princes had the thread of their
+existence cut on that useful form of bedstead familiarly known as the
+scissors. Thus, to use the language of the philosopher, a feather-bed and
+pillows were made to bolster up the title of Richard, who from his
+artifice was exceedingly likely to have recourse to such a downy
+expedient. We may be excused for adding from the same high authority we
+have taken the liberty to quote, that this assassination on a palliasse
+was an act that nothing could palliate.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0122" id="linkimage-0122"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/334m.jpg" alt="334m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/334.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Richard, by whom the outward decencies of life were very scrupulously
+observed, in order to make up for the inward deficiencies of his mind,
+determined to go into mourning for the young princes and repaired to the
+same <i>maison de deuil</i> which he had honoured with his patronage on a
+former occasion, when requiring the "trapping of woe" for himself and his
+retainers on the death of his dear brother.
+</p>
+<p>
+Another competitor now appeared for the crown, in the person of Henry
+Tudor, Esquire, commonly called the Earl of Richmond, who came with a
+drawn sword in his hand and a pedigree already drawn up in his pocket. He
+was considered to represent the line of Lancaster by right of his mother,
+who was a great-granddaughter of John of Gaunt, whose extreme tallness
+proved him to be a worthy scion of the house to which the title of
+Lanky-shire&mdash;as it then might have been spelled&mdash;was obviously
+appropriate. In order to strengthen Richmond's party and give him a spice
+of Yorkism, a marriage was proposed with Elizabeth, of York, on the same
+principle that beef is sometimes cut with a hammy knife to give it a
+flavour. Richmond was joined by several nobles hitherto favourable to
+Richard, and even Buckingham, who had been indebted to him for wealth and
+office, suddenly turned against him. When Richard heard the news he put a
+price on the heads of all the leaders of the insurrection; and
+Buckingham's head, though a very empty one, was ticketed at a considerable
+figure.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry, Earl of Richmond, appeared with a fleet off Devonshire, but finding
+no one on the coast to meet him, he sailed back to St. Malo. Buckingham,
+who ought to have been on the look-out, was blundering about the right
+bank of the Severn, which he was unable to cross in consequence of the
+rains, when his army, finding themselves short of rations, declined
+continuing such a very irrational enterprise. Buckingham was left without
+a man, except his own servant&mdash;a fellow of the name of Banister&mdash;upon
+whose fidelity he threw himself. He soon found that he had been leaning
+upon a fragile prop, for this Banister broke down and betrayed his
+miserable master. Buckingham was accordingly captured, and sneakingly
+solicited an interview with Richard the Third, who, on hearing of his
+being taken, coolly drew on his glove and roared with a stentorian voice,
+"Off with his head!&mdash;so much for Buckingham!"
+</p>
+<p>
+Richard now came to town, and summoned a Parliament, which was exceedingly
+complaisant; declaring him the lawful sovereign, by birth, by election, by
+coronation, by consecration, and by inheritance. Thus the usual attempt
+was made to make up by quantity for the deficiency as to quality in the
+title of the usurper, and the Princedom of Wales was settled on his boy
+Edward. Attainders were dealt out pretty freely among Richard's opponents,
+who were pronounced traitors in the usual form, which was kept to be
+filled up with the name of the unsuccessful party; while oaths of loyalty
+were always to be had&mdash;in blank&mdash;for the use of that numerous
+class which followed the crown with the fidelity of the needle to the
+pole,&mdash;the pole being the head that happened to be wearing&mdash;<i>pro
+tem</i>.&mdash;the precious bauble.
+</p>
+<p>
+Richard, being afraid that Richmond would gain strength by the project of
+marriage with Elizabeth of York, determined on marrying the young lady
+himself; an idea which both herself and her intriguing old mother most
+indelicately jumped at. The king being already married, difficulties
+arose, but it was proposed to poison Lady Anne, which, as quack medicines
+had not been yet invented, was a somewhat difficult process. There was no
+specific then in existence for curing every disease, or the matter might
+have been arranged at once; nor had the fatal art of punning become known,
+or Richard might have placed the author of the triple <i>jeu de mot</i> in
+attendance upon the Lady Anne, to be, in time, the death of her. The
+quarrelsome and cat-like disposition of this unhappy female may account
+for the tenacity of life which she exhibited; and the young Elizabeth kept
+continually writing up to inquire why the queen took so much time in
+dying. It was now the middle of February, 1484, and Lady Anne was still
+alive; but her obstinacy was soon cured by her husband, and in the course
+of March she was got rid of. Richard immediately opened to his friends and
+admirers his scheme for marrying Elizabeth; but they strongly opposed it,
+and he then pretended that he had never meant anything of the sort, but
+that the minx&mdash;for as such he stigmatised the young lady&mdash;had
+for some time persisted in setting her cap at him.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0123" id="linkimage-0123"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figright" style="width:30%;">
+<img src="images/336m.jpg" alt="336m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/336.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+Henry was now preparing to make a descent upon England, when Richard did
+all he could to damage him by proclamations, in which Richmond was alluded
+to as "one Tudor," and his adherents were stigmatised as cut-throats and
+extortioners. Had this been the fact, it was certainly a case of pot
+pitching into kettle; and the usurping saucepan poured out its sauce with
+wondrous prodigality. Numerous were the expedients resorted to for the
+purpose of damaging the cause of Henry Tudor. Descriptions of his person
+were issued, and the people were warned against admitting to their
+confidence the individual of whom a caricature representation, or rather
+mis-representation, was sent abroad, to give an unfavourable idea of
+Richmond's exterior. Among other schemes to obtain popularity, Richard
+affected the character of a practical man, and personally attended to the
+administration of justice in a few cases, where, having no interest of his
+own to serve, he gave somewhat fair decisions.
+</p>
+<p>
+His efforts were now directed to putting the country in a state of
+defence, and he sent his friends to the coast to bear the brunt of the
+first attack, while he smuggled himself up pretty comfortably in the
+middle of a large army in the centre of the kingdom. Several of his
+friends betrayed him, while others sent excuses on the score of ill
+health, and Stanley apologised in a coarse note, declaring he was confined
+to his bed by "a sweating sickness." Richard merely muttered, "Oh! indeed,
+and I suppose he sends me a wet blanket to prove the fact;" but he,
+nevertheless, ordered Stanley to be closely looked after. Henry landed at
+Milford Haven on the 7th of August, 1484, with about five thousand men,
+and on the 21st of the month the two armies met in a field near Bosworth.
+There a battle was fought, of which Shakespeare has furnished a series of
+pictures, which, on the stage, attempts are frequently made to realise.
+The contest, according to this authority, appears to have been carried on
+amid a mysterious flourish of drums and trumpets, to which soldiers, on
+both sides, kept running to and fro, without doing any serious mischief.
+Richmond's people, to the extent of about ten, then encountered about an
+equal number of Richard's adherents, and striking together, harmlessly,
+the tips of some long pikes, the two parties became huddled together, and
+retired in the same direction, apparently to talk the matter over and
+effect a compromise.
+</p>
+<p>
+The field then seems to have become perfectly clear, when Richard ran
+across it, fearfully out of breath, fencing with a foil at nothing, and
+calling loudly for a horse in exchange for his kingdom, though there was
+not such a thing as a quadruped to be had for love or money. He then seems
+to have shouted lustily for Richmond, and to have asserted that he had
+already killed him five different times, from which it is to be inferred
+that the crafty Henry had no less than half a dozen suits of armour all
+made alike to mislead his antagonist. Richard then rushed away, with a
+hop, skip and jump, after some imaginary foe; and Richmond occupied the
+field; when Richard, happening to come back, they stood looking at each
+other for several seconds. We may account for Gloucester's temporary
+absence by referring to the historical authorities, for he had probably
+chosen the interval in question to make Sir John Cheney bite the dust, a
+most unpleasant process for Sir John, who must have ground his teeth
+horribly with a mouthful of gravel.
+</p>
+<p>
+The two competitors for the throne then stood upon their guard, and a
+beautiful fencing-match ensued, to which there were no witnesses. A few
+complimentary speeches were exchanged between some of the home thrusts,
+and the combatants occasionally paused to take an artistical view of each
+other's gallant bearing. Business is, however, business in the long run,
+which, in this instance, ended in Richard being run through by the
+victorious Richmond. The soldiers of the latter, who appear to have been
+waiting behind a hedge to watch in whose favour fortune might turn, ran
+forward at the triumph of their master being complete, and formed a
+picture round him, while Stanley, taking the battered crown which Richard
+had worn in battle, placed it&mdash;in its smashed state looking like a
+gilt-edged opera hat&mdash;on the head of Richmond. The manner in which
+Stanley became possessed of the ill-used bauble is quite in accordance
+with the dramatic colouring that tinges and tinfoils this beautiful period
+of our history. It is said that an old soldier kicked against something in
+an adjacent field, and began actually playing at football with the regal
+diadem. Placing his foot inside the rim, he sent it flying into the air,
+when a ray of sunshine, lighting on one of the jewels, revealed to him
+that it was no ordinary plaything he had got hold of. Running with it as
+fast as he could to Stanley, the honest fellow placed it in his lordship's
+hands, with a cry of "See what I have found!" after the manner of the
+pantaloon under similar circumstances in a pantomime. Stanley was about to
+put it in his pocket, when another noble roared out, "Oh, I'll tell!" and
+a cry of "Somebody coming!" being raised, the diadem was ingeniously
+dropped on to the head of Richmond. The crown was fearfully scrunched by
+the numerous heavy blows its wearer had received, and Henry the Seventh,
+taking it off for a moment to push it a little into shape, exclaimed&mdash;half
+mournfully, half jocularly&mdash;"Well, well, to the punishment of the
+usurper this indenture witnesseth." The Duke of Norfolk&mdash;our old
+friend the jockey&mdash;shared his master's fate, or rather had a similar
+fate all to himself, though as he received the fatal crack, he expressed a
+wish that he might be allowed to split the difference.
+</p>
+<p>
+The fierce and interesting battle we are now speaking of was one of those
+short but sharp transactions, which leave their marks no less upon
+posterity than upon the heads and helmets of the warriors engaged in the
+fearful contest. The great importance of the event deserves something more
+than the prosaic narrative in which we have recorded it; and having sent
+our boy to the Pierian spring with a pitcher, for the purpose of getting
+it filled with the source of inspiration, we proceed to attempt a poetical
+account of the Battle of Bos-worth. The celebrated Mr. Thomas Babington
+Macaulay has, we acknowledge, kindled our poetic fire, by his "Lays of
+Ancient Rome;" and our imagination having been once set in a blaze it must
+needs continue to burn, unless, by blowing out our brains, we put a
+suicidal extinguisher on the flame. Philosophy, however, teaches us that "<i>L'ame
+est un feu qu'il faut nourrir</i>" (Voltaire) and <i>alere flammam</i> is
+a suggestion so familiar to our youth, that we do not scruple to throw an
+entire scuttle of the coals of encouragement upon the incipient flame of
+our poetic genius. We know that poetry is often an idle pursuit, and that
+he is generally lazy who addicts himself to the composition of lays, but
+the Battle of Bosworth Field is an event which fully deserves to have
+poetical justice done to it. Following the example of the illustrious
+model, whose style we consider it no humility, but rather an audacity, to
+imitate, we will suppose the recital to be made some time after the event
+has occurred, and we will imagine some veteran stage manager giving
+directions for, or superintending the rehearsal of, a grand dramatic
+representation of one of the grandest and&mdash;if we may be allowed the
+privilege of a literary smasher in coming a word&mdash;the dramaticest
+battles in English history.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+"Ho! trumpets, sound a note or two!
+Ho! prompter, clear the stage!
+A chord, there, in the orchestra:
+The battle we must wage.
+
+Your gallant supers marshal out&mdash;
+Yes, I must see them all;
+The rather lean, the very stout,
+The under-sized, the tall:
+The Yorkites in the centre,
+Lancastrians in the rear,
+Not yet the staff must enter&mdash;
+The stage, I charge ye, clear
+Those warriors in the green-room
+Must have an extra drill;
+Where's Richard's gilt-tipp'd baton?
+They charged it in the bill.
+
+Those ensigns with the banners
+Must stand the other way,
+Or else how is it possible
+The white rose to display?"
+
+Thus spoke the old stage manager,
+The day before the night Richard and
+Richmond on the field Of Bosworth had to fight.
+And thus the light-heel'd call-boy
+Upon that day began
+To read of properties a list&mdash;
+'Twas thus the items ran
+
+"Four dozen shields of cardboard,
+With paper newly gilt,
+Six dozen goodly swords, and one
+With practicable hilt;
+The practicable hilt, of course,
+Must be adroitly plann'd,
+That when 'tis struck with mod'rate force,
+'Twill break in Richard's hand.
+Eight banners&mdash;four with roses white,
+And four with roses red&mdash;
+Six halberds, and a canopy
+To hang o'er Richard's head;
+A sofa for the tyrant's tent,
+An ironing-board at back,
+Whereon the ghosts may safely stand,
+Who come his dreams to rack;
+A lamp suspended in the air
+By an invis'ble wire,
+And&mdash;for the ghosts to vanish in&mdash;
+Two ounces of blue fire."
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+Thus spoke the gallant call-boy,
+The boy of many fights;
+Who'd seen a battle often fought
+Fifty successive nights.
+
+The moment now approaches,
+The interval is short,
+Before the fearful battle
+Of Bosworth must be fought;
+Now Richmond's gallant soldiers
+Are waiting at the wing,
+Expecting soon that destiny
+Its prompter's bell will ring;
+Now at the entrance opposite
+The troops of Richard stand,
+Two dozen stalwart veterans&mdash;
+A small but gallant band.
+
+Hark I at the sound of trumpets,
+They raise a hearty cheer,
+Their voices have obtained their force
+From recent draughts of beer.
+Their leader, the false Richard,
+Is lying in his tent,
+But ghosts to fret and worry him
+Are to his bedside sent.
+
+Convulsively he kicks and starts,
+He cannot have repose,
+A guilty conscience breaks his rest,
+By tugging at his toes.
+
+A gentleman in mourning,
+With visage very black,
+When the tent curtain draws aside,
+Is standing at the back;
+And then a woman&mdash;stately,
+But pale as are the dead&mdash;
+Stood, in the darkness of the night,
+To scold him in his bed.
+
+There came they, and there preached they,
+In most lugubrious way
+Delivering curtain lectures
+Until the east was grey;
+Or rather, till the prompter,
+Who has the proper cue,
+Had quite consumed his quantity
+Of fire, so bright and blue.
+
+The conscience-stricken Richard
+Now kicks with greater force,
+Bears up, and plunges from his couch,
+Insisting on a horse;
+When, hearing from the village cock
+A blithe and early scream,
+He straightway recollects himself,
+And finds it all a dream.
+
+Now, on each side, the leaders
+Long for the battle's heat,
+But, by some luckless accident,
+The armies never meet;
+We hear them both alternately
+Talking extremely large,
+But never find them, hand to hand,
+Mixed in the deadly charge.
+
+"March on, my friends!" cries Richmond,
+"True tigers let us be;
+Advance your standards, draw your swords&mdash;
+On, friends, and follow me!"
+
+'Tis true, they follow him indeed,
+But then, the way they go
+Is just the way they're not at all
+Likely to meet the foe.
+So Richard, with his "soul in arms,"
+Is "eager for the fray,"
+But, with a hop, a skip, and jump,
+Runs off&mdash;the other way.
+
+He's to the stable gone, perchance,
+Forgetting, in his flurry,
+
+He has kept waiting all this time
+His clever cob, White Surrey.
+The brute is "saddled for the field,"
+But never gains the spot,
+For on his way Death knocks him down
+In one&mdash;the common&mdash;lot.
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+[Illustration: 342]
+</pre>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+Richard, a momentary pang
+At the bereavement feels;
+But, being thrown upon his hands,
+Starts briskly to his heels.
+
+And now the angry tyrant
+Perambulates the field,
+Calling on each ideal foe
+To fight him or to yield.
+
+"What, ho!" he cries, "Young Richmond!
+But, 'mid the noise of drums,
+Young Richmond doesn't hear him&mdash;
+At least he never comes.
+
+Now louder, and still louder,
+Rise from the darken'd field
+The braying of the trumpets.
+The clang of sword and shields
+But shame upon both armies!
+
+For, if the truth be known,
+'Tis not each other's shields they smite&mdash;
+The clang is all their own;
+For six of Richmond's people
+Are standing in a row
+(Behind the scenes), and with their swords
+They give their shields a blow.
+
+Wild shouts of "Follow, follow!"
+Are raised in murmuring strain,
+To represent the slayer's rage,
+The anguish of the slain.
+
+But now, in stem reality,
+The battle seems to rage;
+For Catesby comes to tell the world
+How fiercely they engage.
+
+He gives a grand description,
+And says the feud runs high:
+We won't suppose that such a man
+Would stoop to tell a lie.
+
+He says the valiant king "enacts
+More wonders than a man; "
+In fact, is doing what he can't,
+Instead of what he can.
+
+That all on foot the tyrant fights,
+Seeks Bichmond, and will follow him
+Into the very "throat of Death"&mdash;
+No wonder Death should swallow him!
+
+Now meeting on a sudden,
+Each going the opposite way,
+Richard and Richmond both advance,
+Their valour to display.
+
+Says Richard, "Now for one of us,
+Or both, the time is come."
+Says Bichmond, "Till I've settled this,
+By Jove, I won't go home."
+
+One, two, strikes Richard with his foil,
+When Richmond, getting fierce,
+Repeats three, four, and on they go,
+With parry, quatre, and tierce.
+
+Till suddenly the tyrant
+Is brought unto a stand;
+His weapon snaps itself in twain,
+The hilt is in his hand.
+
+The gen'rous Richmond turns aside,
+Till someone at the wing
+Another weapon to the foe
+Good-naturedly doth fling.
+
+Richard advances with a rush;
+Richmond in turn retires;
+Their weapons, every time they meet,
+Flash with electric fires.
+
+Posterity, that occupies
+Box, gallery, and pit,
+Applauds the pair alternately,
+As each one makes a hit.
+
+Now "Bravo, Richmond!" is the cry,
+Till Richard plants a blow
+With good effect, when to his side
+Round the spectators go.
+
+As fickle still as when at first,
+The nation, undecided,
+Was 'twixt the Roses White and Red
+Alternately divided,
+
+So does the modern audience
+Incline, with favour strongest,
+To him who in the contest seems
+Likely to last the longest.
+
+Then harsher sounds the trumpet,
+And deeper rolls the drum,
+Till both have had enough of it,
+When Richard must succumb.
+
+Flatly he falls upon the ground,
+Declaring, when he's down,
+He envies Bichmond nothing else,
+Except the vast renown
+Which he has certainly acquired
+By being made to yield
+Himself, that had been hitherto
+The master of the field.
+
+And then the soldiers, who have stood
+Some distance from the fray,
+Bush in to take their portion of
+The glory of the day.
+
+And men with banners in their hands,
+At eighteen-pence a night,
+Some with red roses on the flags,
+And some with roses white,
+By shaking them together,
+The colours gently blend,
+And the Battle of the Roses
+Is for ever at an end.
+</pre>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0124" id="linkimage-0124"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/347m.jpg" alt="347m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/347.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The Battle of Bosworth Field terminated the War of the Roses, or rather
+brought the roses into full blow, and cut off some of the flower of the
+English nobility. Richmond was proclaimed king on the field, as Henry the
+Seventh; and as the soldiers formed themselves into a <i>tableau</i> the
+curtain descended on the tragedy of the War between the Houses of York and
+Lancaster.
+</p>
+<p>
+Richard had reigned a couple of years and a couple of months when he
+received his <i>quietus</i> on the field of Bosworth. If ever there was a
+king of England whose name was bad enough to hang him, this unfortunate
+dog has a reputation which would suspend him on every lamp-post in
+Christendom. The odium attaching to his policy has been visited on his
+person, and it has been asserted that the latter was not straight because
+the former was crooked. His right shoulder is said by Rouse, who hated
+him, to have been higher than his left; but this apparent deformity may
+have arisen from the party having taken a one-sided view of him. His
+stature was small; but in the case of one who never stood very high in the
+opinion of the public, it was physically impossible for the fact to be
+otherwise. Walpole, in his very ingenious "Historic Doubts," has tried to
+get rid of Richard's high hump, but the operation has not been successful,
+in the opinion of any impartial umpire. Imagination, that tyrant which has
+such a strange method of treating its subjects, has had perhaps more to do
+than Nature in placing an enormous burden on Richard's shoulders. His
+features were decidedly good-looking; but on the converse of the principle
+that "handsome is as handsome does," the tyrant Gloucester has been
+regarded as one of those who "ugly was that handsome didn't."
+</p>
+<p>
+It is a remarkable fact that Richard the Third during his short reign
+received no subsidy from Parliament, though we must not suppose that he
+ruled the kingdom gratuitously; for, on the contrary, his income was ample
+and munificent. He got it in the shape of tonnage and poundage upon all
+sorts of goods, and when money was not to be had he took property to the
+full value of the claim he had upon it. The result was that his treasury
+became a good deal like an old curiosity shop, a coal shed, or a dealer's
+in marine stores, for anything that came in Richard's way was perfectly
+acceptable. The principle of poundage was applied to everything, even in
+quantities less than a pound, and he would, even on a few ounces of sugar,
+sack his share of the saccharine. If he required it for his own use he
+never scrupled to intercept the housewife on her way from the butcher's
+and cut off the chump from the end of the chop; nor did he hesitate, when
+he felt disposed, to lop the very lollipop in the hands of the schoolboy.
+This principle of allowing poundage to the king was in the highest degree
+inconvenient. It rendered the meat-safe a misnomer, inasmuch as it was
+never safe from royal rapacity.
+</p>
+<p>
+It has been said of Richard, that he would have been well qualified to
+reign, had he been legally entitled to the throne; or, in other words,
+that he would have been a good ruler if he had not been a bad sovereign.
+To us this seems to savour of the old anomaly&mdash;a distinction without
+a difference. He certainly carried humbug to the highest possible point,
+for he exhibited it upon the throne, which serves as a platform to make
+either vice or virtue&mdash;as the case may be&mdash;conspicuous.
+</p>
+<p>
+The trick by which he obtained possession of his nephew, the young King
+Edward, whose liberty was likely to prove a stumbling-block in Richard's
+own path to the throne, is remarkable for its cunning, and for the
+intimate knowledge it displayed of the juvenile character. Proceeding to
+the residence of the baby monarch's mamma, he began asking after "little
+Ned" with apparently the most affectionate interest. He had previously
+provided himself with a lot of sweetstuff as he came along, for it was his
+deep design to intoxicate with brandy-balls the head of the infant
+sovereign. "Where is the little fellow?" inquired Richard, who would take
+no excuse for his nephew not being produced, but declared that being in no
+hurry, he could wait the convenience of the nursery authorities. Finding
+further opposition useless, Elizabeth reluctantly ordered the boy to be
+brought down, when Richard asked him "Whether he would like to go with
+Uncle Dick?" and got favourable answers by surreptitiously cramming the
+child's mouth with lollipops.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0125" id="linkimage-0125"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/349m.jpg" alt="349m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/349.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Whenever the little fellow was about to say "He would rather stay with his
+mamma," the Protector called his attention (aside) to a squib or
+brandy-ball, and York consented at last to go with his uncle. "Oh! I
+thought you would," cried the wily duke, as he clutched his little nephew
+up and jogged with him to the Tower. Such was the artful scheme by which
+the tyrant originally got possession of the subsequent victim of avuncular
+cruelty. It has been urged in extenuation of his cruel murder of the
+little princes, that their deaths were a necessary sequel to those of
+Hastings and others; but it would have been a poor consolation to the
+victims had they known that they were only killed by way of supplement. We
+cannot think that any portion of the catalogue of Richard's crimes should
+be printed in colours less black because it formed a continuation or an
+appendix to his atrocities; nor can we excuse Part II. of a horribly bad
+work because Part I. has rendered it unavoidable.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is urged by those writers who have defended him, that the crimes he
+committed were only those necessary to secure the crown; but this is no
+better plea than that of the highwayman who knocks a traveller on the head
+because the blow is necessary to the convenient picking of the victim's
+pockets. Richard's crimes might have been palliated in some trifling
+degree, had they been essential to the recovery of his own rights, but the
+case is different when his sanguinary career was only pursued that he
+might get hold of that which did not belong to him. It is true he was
+ambitious; but if a thief is ambitious of possessing our set of six silver
+tea-spoons, we are not to excuse him because he knocks us down and stuns
+us, as a necessary preliminary to the transfer of the property from our
+own to our assailant's possession. The palliators of Richard's atrocities
+declare that he could do justice in matters where his own interest was not
+concerned; but this fact, by proving that he knew better, is in fact an
+aggravation of the faults he was habitually guilty of. It has been
+insinuated that when he had got all he wanted, he might have improved, but
+that by killing him after he had come to the throne, his contemporaries
+gave him no chance of becoming respectable. It must be clear to every
+reasonable mind that the result, even had it been satisfactory, would
+never have been worth the cost of obtaining it, and that in tolerating
+Richard's pranks, on the chance of his becoming eventually a good king,
+his subjects might well have exclaimed <i>le jeu n'en vaut pas la
+chandelle</i>. In the <i>vexata questio</i> of the cause of the death of
+the princes, the guilt has usually been attributed to Richard, because he
+reaped the largest benefit from their decease; but this horrible doctrine
+would imply that a tenant for life is usually murdered by the
+remainder-man, and that the enjoyer of the interest of Bank Stock is
+frequently cut off by the reversioner who is entitled to the principal. We
+admit there is a strong case against Richard upon other more reasonable
+evidence: and thus from the magisterial bench of History do we commit him
+to take his trial, and be impartially judged by the whole of his
+countrymen.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0028" id="link2HCH0028"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE EIGHTH. NATIONAL INDUSTRY.
+</h2>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">L</span>ET us now turn from the turmoil of war, and apply our eye-glass to the
+pursuits of peace; for, having been surfeited for the present with royal
+rapacity, it will be refreshing to take a glance at national industry.
+</p>
+<p>
+London was at a very early period famous for the abundance of its wool,
+and it has been ingeniously suggested that the great quantity of wool may
+account for a sort of natural shyness or sheepishness among our
+fellow-countrymen.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Bill of Exchange was a luxury introduced in the beginning of the
+thirteenth century, for the accommodation of our forefathers, who had
+learned the value of a good name, and perhaps occasionally experienced the
+inconveniences of a bad one.
+</p>
+<p>
+There is nothing very interesting in the history of Commerce until the
+time of Whittington, whose cat, we have already said, was a fabulous
+animal, though it has taken its place by the side of the British Lion in
+our English annals. We are inclined to believe that there is some analogy
+between these two brutes, and that both are meant to be the types
+respectively of our political and commercial prosperity. We have sometimes
+thought that the British Lion, from its plurality of lives, ought rather
+to be called the British Cat, especially from its readiness to come to the
+scratch when the altar or the throne may seem to be in jeopardy. Whatever
+may be the exact nature of the beast, it is certainly a very
+highly-trained and somewhat harmless animal, for any statesman may place
+his head in the British Lion's mouth, and remove it again without
+suffering the slightest injury. The creature will roar loudly enough and
+show an ample expanse of jaw, but it is frequently <i>vox et praterea
+nihil</i> with the noisy brute, whose grumbling is often indicative of his
+extreme emptiness.
+</p>
+<p>
+Whittington was certainly three times Lord Mayor of London, and we find
+him "doing a bill" for Henry the Fourth to the tune of a thousand pounds,
+and taking the subsidy on wool&mdash;out of which the sovereign generally
+fleeced the people&mdash;as collateral security.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the reign of Henry the Fifth considerable advance was made in the art
+of ship-building, though from the pictures of the period it would seem
+that the craft exhibited very little of the workman's cunning. One of the
+ships of war of the fifteenth century, described in the Harleian MS., has
+all the appearance of a raft constructed of a few planks, with a sort of
+sentry-box at one end for the accommodation of the steersman. In the
+larger vessels the entire crew will be found always crowding the deck in a
+dense mass; for the rules against taking more than the number were not
+enforced, and an ancient ship, like a modern carpet bag, was never so full
+but something additional could be always crammed into it.
+</p>
+<p>
+In this age commerce was so highly respectable that even kings carried it
+on; and the highest ecclesiastics were in business for themselves as
+tradesmen of the humblest character. Matthew Paris tells us of an abbot of
+St. Alban's who did a good deal in the fish line, under the name of
+William of Trumpington.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0126" id="linkimage-0126"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figright" style="width:30%;">
+<img src="images/352m.jpg" alt="352m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/352.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+His chief transactions were in Yarmouth herrings, and the worthy abbot
+undertook to put upon every breakfast table as good a bloater as money
+could procure, at a very moderate figure. The benevolent dignitary had
+come to the conclusion that the cure of herrings would pay him better than
+the cure of souls, and he accordingly added the former lucrative branch to
+the latter employment, with a pompous declaration that the two might be
+considered analogous. This habit among the churchmen, of making all fish
+that came to their net, was by no means popular and it was said in a
+lampoon of the day, that the (chap. viii.) next thing to be done would be
+the conversion of a prebendal stall into an oyster stall.
+</p>
+<p>
+Among the other disreputable sources of revenue to which the ecclesiastics
+devoted themselves we must not omit to mention smuggling, which they
+carried on to an alarming extent in wool; for after going wool-gathering
+in all directions, they padded themselves with it and stuffed it under
+their gowns for the purpose of eluding the Customs' regulations, to which
+the article was subjected.
+</p>
+<p>
+Edward the Fourth was a true tradesman at heart, and, had he been a
+general dealer instead of a king, he would have been quite in his proper
+station. Nature had fitted him for the counter, though Fortune had placed
+him on the throne; but even in his commercial transactions he was guilty
+of acts that were quite unworthy of the high character of the British
+tradesman. The butt of Malmsey in which he caused his brother to be
+drowned was, it is believed, actually sold as a full fruity wine with
+"plenty of body in it," after poor Clarence had been in soak till death
+relieved him from his drenching. Edward the Fourth had also the
+disagreeable habit of enriching himself by money which he borrowed from
+the merchants, and never thought proper to return to them himself; but if
+he paid them at all, he, by laying on taxes, took it out of the people. It
+was also a fraudulent propensity of some of our early kings, to depreciate
+the coin of the realm, and Edward the Third managed to squeeze two hundred
+and seventy pennies, instead of two hundred and forty, out of a pound,
+which enabled him to put the odd half-crown into his own pocket. Henry the
+Fourth carried the sweating process still further, by diluting a pound
+into thirty shillings, a trick he excused by alleging the scarcity of
+money; though the expedient was as bad as that of the housewife who, when
+the strength of the tea was gone, filled up the pot with water for the
+purpose of making more of it. Edward the Fourth, considering that his
+predecessors had not subjected the pound to all the compound division of
+which it was capable, smashed it into four hundred pennies, which was
+certainly proving that he could make a pound go as far as anyone.
+</p>
+<p>
+In speaking of the industry of the people, we may fairly allude to what
+was regarded at the time as a great drag upon it in the shape of a fearful
+increase of attorneys, who in 1455 had grown to such an extent in Norfolk
+and Suffolk, that those places were literally swarming with the black
+fraternity. In the city of Norwich the attorneys were so plentiful that
+the evil began to correct itself, for they commenced preying on each
+other, like the water-lion "Ya-ah! Macker&mdash;!" water-tiger in the drop
+of stagnant fluid viewed through the solar microscope. They were in the
+habit of attending markets and fairs where they worked people up into
+bringing and defending actions against each other, without the smallest
+legal ground for proceedings on either side. A salutary statute cut down
+the exuberance of the attorneys by limiting their numbers, and six were
+appointed as a necessary evil for Suffolk; six as a standing nuisance in
+Norfolk; while two were apportioned under the head of things that, as they
+"can't be cured must be endured," to the city of Norwich. Such was the
+state of national industry up to the period at which we have arrived in
+our history.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0029" id="link2HCH0029"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE NINTH. OF THE MANNERS, CUSTOMS, AND CONDITION OF THE PEOPLE.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0127" id="linkimage-0127"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/353m.jpg" alt="353m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/353.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+OTWITHSTANDING that in a previous book we brought down the fashions and
+furniture of our forefathers to the fourteenth century, in the present
+chapter we shall have the pleasure of laying before our readers some
+considerably later intelligence. We left our ancestors lying upon very
+uncomfortable beds, but the year 1415 introduces us to some luxuries in
+the way of curtains and counterpanes. The Duke of York set forth his
+bedding in his will, which bears the date we have named, ana he seems to
+have died worth some thousands of pounds&mdash;of superior goose feathers.
+At a somewhat later period the sheet burst upon the page of history, and a
+blank is supplied by the sudden appearance of the blanket.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was about the same period that clocks with strings and weights began to
+have a striking influence on the time, and Edward the Fourth used to carry
+one about with him wherever he went, but we do not believe that he wore it
+in a watchpocket, from which, instead of key and seals, there hung a
+couple of weights and a pendulum.
+</p>
+<p>
+Costume seems to have been curtailed of very little of its exuberant
+absurdity in the reigns of Henry the Fourth and Fifth, though reform was
+carried to extremes, for it cut off the surplus hair from the head, and
+took away at least half a yard from the foot by relieving the shoes of
+their long points, a fashion which had always been remarkable for extreme
+pointlessness.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the reign of Edward the Fourth there appears to have been a practice
+prevalent of making a shift to go without a shirt, when those who had such
+a thing to their backs were seized with a spirit of self-assertion, and
+began to slash open their sleeves for the purpose of showing their
+possession of that very useful article. The desire to prove the
+plenteousness and perhaps also the <i>propret�</i> of the under linen, led
+to a further ripping up of other parts of the dress, and the fops of the
+day began to outslash each other by opening the seams of their clothes in
+the most unseemly fashion.
+</p>
+<p>
+Richard the Third and his "cousin of Buckingham" were notorious for their
+love of finery, and the term "buck," which is used at the present day, is
+evidently an abbreviation of Buckingham, Richard, probably, invented the
+Dicky or false front, which gave him the appearance of having always a
+clean breast, though the fact is that he was reduced to the expedient of
+wearing a false front, because the stains of guilt upon his bosom were
+utterly indelible.
+</p>
+<p>
+The appetite of the fifteenth century seems to have been uncommonly good,
+for we find our ancestors eating four meals a day, beginning with
+breakfast at seven, dinner at ten, supper at four, and a collation taken
+in bed&mdash;oh, the cormorants!&mdash;between eight and nine in the
+evening. The meal taken in bed may have consisted of a <i>blanquette de
+veau</i>, or perhaps now and then a bolster pudding, while the ladies may
+have indulged themselves with a <i>c�telette en papillotes</i>. Earl Percy
+and his countess used to absorb between them a gallon of beer and a quart
+of wine, and before being tucked up for the night would tuck in a loaf of
+household bread, with other trifles to follow. A dinner in the days to
+which we are reverting generally lasted three hours, but tumblers and
+dancers were employed to amuse the feasters, so that a kind of caper sauce
+was served out with every dish that came to table.
+</p>
+<p>
+Nothing in the whole annals of ancient and modern gluttony can exceed the
+dinner said to have been given by George Neville, the brother of the
+King-maker, on his induction to the Archbishopric of York, in the
+fifteenth century. It opened with a hundred and four oxen (<i>au naturel</i>),
+six wild bulls (<i>a la m�nag�re</i>), three hundred and four calves (<i>en
+surprise</i>), with innumerable <i>entr�es</i> of pigs, bucks, stags, and
+roes, to an extent that is not only almost but quite incredible.
+</p>
+<p>
+The pictures of the period represent a very inconvenient mode of laying
+the table, for we find a fish served up in a slop-basin, or rather laid
+across the top of that article of china-ware, which was much too small to
+admit the body of the animal. As far as we can discern the intention of
+the artist, we fancy we recognise in one of his pictures of a feast a duck
+lying on its back in a sort of sugar-basin or salt-cellar. This and a kind
+of mustard-pot, with an empty plate and half of a dinner-roll, may be said
+to constitute the entire provision made for a party of seven, who are
+standing up huddled together on one side of the table, in an existing
+representation of a dinner of the period.
+</p>
+<p>
+The sports of the people were very numerous in the fifteenth century; but
+if we may judge by the pictures we have seen of the games, there was more
+labour than fun in the frolics of our forefathers. The contortions into
+which they seem to have thrown themselves while playing at bowls are quite
+painful to contemplate; and the well-known game of quarter-staff consisted
+of a mutual battering of shins and skulls, with a pole about six feet in
+length and some inches in circumference. Tennis was introduced at this
+early date, and it is therefore erroneous to assign its invention to
+Archbishop Tennison,&mdash;a report which has been spread by some
+unprincipled person, whose career of crime commencing in a pun has ended
+in a falsehood.
+</p>
+<p>
+The professional fool was a highly respectable character in the middle
+ages; and the court jester was a most influential personage, who was
+allowed to criticise all the measures of the ministry. He was a sort of
+supplementary premier; but, in later administrations&mdash;the present
+always excepted&mdash;the office of fool has merged among the members of
+the Government. It is a curious fact, that, judging from the portraits
+which have been preserved, the fools seem to have been the most
+sensible-looking persons of their own time; and the proverb, that "it
+takes a wise man to make a fool," was, no doubt, continually realised. The
+practical jokes of the jester were sometimes exceedingly disagreeable, for
+they consisted chiefly of blows and buffets, administered by a short wand,
+called a bauble, which he was in the habit of carrying. It was all very
+well when the fool's sallies happened to be taken in good part, but a
+witticism coming <i>mal-a-propos</i>, would often prove no joke to the
+joker, who would get soundly thrashed' for his impertinence. An ancient
+writer * describes the functions of a fool to have consisted chiefly of
+"making mouths, dancing about the house, leaping over the tables,
+outskipping men's heads, tripping up his companions' heels," and indulging
+in other similar <i>facetio</i>, which, though falling under the head of
+fun for the fool himself, might have been death to the victims of his
+exuberant gaiety. His life must have been one unbroken pantomime; though
+its last scene was seldom so brilliant as those bowers of bliss and realms
+of delight in the island of felicity, which owe their existence to the
+combined ingenuity of the painter and the machinist.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Lodge, author of the <i>Wit's Miserie</i>, 4to, 1599.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The spirit of chivalry had already begun to decline, or rather chivalry
+had lost its spirit altogether, for when it once became diluted it took
+very little time to evaporate. The few real combats that were fought
+referred chiefly to judicial proceedings, in which points of law were
+decided by the points of lances. The combatants probably thought they
+might as well bleed each other as allow themselves to be bled by the hands
+of the lawyers. The tournaments had dwindled down into the most
+contemptible exhibitions, for the spears used were entirely headless, and
+an encounter generally ended in the clashing together of a couple of
+blunted swords or the flourishing in the air of a brace of huge choppers,
+so that as the antagonists kept turning about, they might be said to
+revolve round each others' axes.
+</p>
+<p>
+Before concluding our chapter on the manners and customs of the people at
+the date to which our history has arrived we may notice some regulations
+for apparel, by which it was ordered, not only that every man should cut
+his coat according to his cloth, but should select his cloth according to
+the means he had of buying it. Apparel was not the only thing with which
+the law interfered, but some Acts were passed, fixing the rate of meals to
+be allowed to servants, and thus ameliorating their condition. Articles of
+dress were subjected to the most stringent legislation, and tailors were
+of necessity guided by Parliamentary measures; carters and ploughmen were
+limited by law to a blanket, so that the lightness of the restrictions
+permitted a looseness of attire, which was highly convenient. Persons not
+of noble rank were prohibited from wearing garments of undue brevity; and
+it was only those of the highest standing to whom the shortest dresses
+were permitted.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was in the period to which the present chapter refers, that English
+pauperism first became the subject of legislation; and it was an
+acknowledged principle, that the land must provide the poor with food and
+shelter, for civilization had not yet required the suppression of
+destitution by starvation and imprisonment.
+</p>
+<p>
+We have now brought down our account of the condition of the people, from
+the highest to the lowest, from the king on his throne to the pauper on
+his parish, from the royal robber in the palace to the sturdy beggar in
+the public thoroughfare. We have seen how England was torn to pieces by
+the thorns belonging to the Roses, and how, after fighting about the
+difference between white and red, the union of both taught those who had
+been particular to a shade, the folly of observing so much nicety. Future
+chapters must develop the influence which this union produced, and will
+show the effect of that junction between the damask and the cabbage roses,
+which had only been brought about by dyeing them in the blood of so many
+Englishmen.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2H_4_0036" id="link2H_4_0036"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+BOOK V. FROM THE ACCESSION OF HENRY THE SEVENTH TO THE END OF THE REIGN OF
+ELIZABETH.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0030" id="link2HCH0030"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE FIRST. HENRY THE SEVENTH.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0128" id="linkimage-0128"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/347m.jpg" alt="347m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/347.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>HOUGH Henry had got the crown upon his head, he did not feel quite sure
+of being able to keep it there, for he knew there was nothing so difficult
+to balance on the top of a human pole as a regal diadem. He felt that what
+had been won by the sword must be sustained by that dangerous weapon,
+though he was not insensible to the fact that edged tools are frequently
+hurtful to the hand that uses them. He became jealous of Edward
+Plan-tagenet, a boy of fifteen, the heir of the Duke of York, and grandson
+of Warwick, the king-maker. This un-happy lad was sent to the Tower, lest
+his superior right might prove mightier than the might which Henry had
+displayed on the field of Bosworth.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Princess Elizabeth, daughter of the Queen Dowager, who was known by
+the humbler name of Mrs. E. Woodville, was let out of prison, to which she
+had been consigned by Richard the Third, who kept her closely under lock
+and key from the moment when he found it impossible to unite her to him in
+wedlock.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry came up to London five days after the battle of Bosworth, and was
+met at Hornsey by the Lord Mayor and Aldermen, all dressed in violet,
+which caused the new king to exclaim, "Ha! gentlemen, you wish me to take
+a hint. Your privileges shall be, like yourselves, in-violate!" He then
+proceeded in a close chariot to St. Paul's, where he deposited his three
+standards; and it has been suggested, that the celebrated Standard at
+Cornhill was one of those alluded to. The festivities in London were so
+numerous at the accession, that the city became crowded to suffocation,
+and the "sweating sickness," which will be remembered as Stanley's old
+complaint, broke out among the inhabitants.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0129" id="linkimage-0129"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/358m.jpg" alt="358m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/358.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+When it had abated Henry began to think about his coronation, and he took
+an early dinner at Lambeth with the Archbishop of Canterbury&mdash;Thomas
+Bourchier&mdash;to talk the matter over. The king and the prelate soon
+came to terms over their chop for the performance of the ceremony, which
+took place on the 30th of October, 1485, in the usual style of elegance.
+The good archbishop was an old and experienced hand: for he had crowned
+Richard the Third only two years before, and indeed the system of the
+prelate was, to ask no questions that he might hear no falsehoods; but he
+was always ready to perform a coronation for anyone who could find his own
+crown, and pay the fees that were usual.
+</p>
+<p>
+A Parliament was now summoned, but when the Commons came together, it
+turned out that several of them had been attainted and outlawed in
+previous reigns without the attainders having been since reversed, and
+Henry himself was in the same doubtful predicament. The opinion of the
+judges was required in this disagreeable dilemma, but the intention in
+consulting them was only to get these accommodating interpreters of the
+law to twist it into a shape that would meet existing contingencies. With
+the usual pliability of the judges of those days, the parties whose
+opinion was asked gave it in favour of the strongest side, and Henry's
+having got the crown was declared to have cured all deficiencies of title.
+The Commons were obliged to have bills passed to reverse their attainders,
+but the king, like one of those patent fire-places which are advertised to
+consume their own smoke, was alleged to have cured the defects of his own
+title by the bare fact of his having got possession of the royal dignity.
+</p>
+<p>
+Having settled all matters concerning his claim to the throne, he began to
+think about his intended wife, Elizabeth. "I beg your pardon for keeping
+you waiting," said he to Miss Woodville; "but, really I have been detained
+by other engagements." The young lady, who had sometimes feared that her
+case was one of breach of promise, was glad to disguise her real
+annoyance, and saying that "It did not at all signify," she prepared for
+the much retarded nuptials. They were solemnised on the 18th of January,
+1486, and they were no sooner over than Henry exclaimed, "Now, Madam,
+recollect I have married you, but have not married your family." This
+uncourteous speech had reference to old Mrs. Woodville, who had already
+written to know what her new son-in-law would do for her. "I will not have
+her in the house," roared Henry, with savage earnestness; but he settled a
+small annuity upon her, which he enabled himself to pay by pocketing the
+whole of her dower.
+</p>
+<p>
+The queen became anxious for her coronation, as any woman might reasonably
+be; but Henry put her off day after day, by exclaiming, "Don't be in a
+hurry; there's time enough for that nonsense." In this heartless manner he
+succeeded in adjourning the pageant for an indefinite period.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry's new project was to get up his popularity by a tour in the
+provinces. Happening to put up at Lincoln, he heard that Lord Lovel, with
+Humphrey and Thomas Stafford "had gone with dangerous intentions no man
+knew whither." They had much better have remained where they were; for
+Lord Lovel, after collecting a large body of insurgents, found himself
+quite unable to pay their wages, and at once disbanded them. He flew into
+Flanders; but the two Staffords were taken in the very act of concocting
+an insurrection, for which Humphrey, the elder, was hanged, while Thomas,
+on account of his youth, was pardoned.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry arrived on the 26th of April, 1486, at York, where Richard the
+Third, though killed on Bosworth Field, was still living in some of the
+people's memories. The marking-ink, in which the tyrant's name was written
+on their hearts, being by no means indelible, Henry determined to sponge
+it out as quickly as possible. He tried soft soap upon some and golden
+ointment upon others; both of which specifics had so much effect that in
+less than a month the city rang with cries of "Long live King Henry!"
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 20th of September, the Court newsman of the day announced the
+interesting fact that the happiness of the king's domestic circle had been
+increased by the birth of a son; or, rather, the royal circle had been
+turned into a triangle by the arrival of an infant heir, who was named
+Arthur.
+</p>
+<p>
+We must now request the reader to throw the luggage of his imagination on
+board the boat, and accompany us to Ireland, where, on landing, we will
+introduce him, ideally, to a priest and a boy who have just arrived in
+Dublin. The priest describes his young charge as Edward Plantagenet, Earl
+of Warwick, which will astonish us not a little, inasmuch as our friend,
+the reader, will remember that we left the little fellow not long ago a
+close prisoner in the Tower. How he got out is the question which we first
+ask ourselves, which we answer by intimating, that he did not get out at
+all, but he was only "a boy dressed up" to represent the young earl, and
+he played his part so well that many believed his story to be genuine. He
+had studied the character he represented, and had got by heart all the
+adventures of the young prince, together with a fund of anecdote that
+appeared quite inexhaustible. The juvenile impostor scarcely spoke a
+sentence that did not begin with "When I was a prisoner in the Tower,"
+which made everyone believe that he had really been an inmate of that
+gloomy jail; and the trick succeeded to a miracle.
+</p>
+<p>
+The urchin was proclaimed as Edward the Sixth, King of England and France
+and Lord of Ireland; for such was the credulity of the Hibernians that
+they believed every word of the tale that had been told to them.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0130" id="linkimage-0130"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figright" style="width:30%;">
+<img src="images/360m.jpg" alt="360m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/360.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+Henry, desirous of exposing the fraud, had the real Plantagenet taken out
+of the Tower, for exhibition in the London streets; but the Irish declared
+that the real thing was a mere imposition, and the mock duke the genuine
+article. They, in fact, illustrated that instructive fable, in which an
+actor, having been applauded for his imitation of a pig, was succeeded by
+a rival who went the whole hog and concealed in the folds of his dress a
+rear brute, whoso squeak was pronounced very far less natural than that of
+the original representative of the porcine character.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry becoming a little alarmed at these proceedings, began rushing into
+the extremes of levity and severity; now pardoning a host of political
+offenders, and the next day, packing off the Queen Dowager&mdash;marked
+"Carriage paid, with care,"&mdash;to the monks at Bermondsey. Lambert
+Simnel, for so the impostor was called, held out as long as he could, and
+even got up, by subscription, one coronation during the season; but upon
+Henry's taking measures to chastise him he soon shrunk into
+insignificance. After a battle at Stoke, the pretender and his friend, the
+priest, were taken into custody, when the latter was handed over to the
+church for trial, and the former received a contemptuous pardon, including
+the place of scullion, to wash up the dishes and run for the beer in the
+royal household. He was at once placed in the kitchen, where his
+perquisites, probably in the way of kitchen stuff, enabled him to save a
+little money, and, in order to better himself, he subsequently sought and
+obtained the office of superintendent of the poultry yard, under the
+imposing title of the king's falconer. The priest, his tutor, seems to
+have dropped down one of those gratings of the past which lead to the
+common sewer of obscurity, in which it is quite impossible to follow him.
+We hear of him last looking through the bars of a prison, where he was
+left till called for, and, as nobody ever called, he never seems to have
+emerged from his captivity.
+</p>
+<p>
+The friends of the house of York now became clamorous at the treatment of
+the Queen Elizabeth, who had been kept in obscurity, and had urged "that
+little matter of the coronation" over and over again upon the attention of
+her selfish husband. "How you bother!" he would sometimes exclaim to his
+unhappy consort, whom he would endeavour to quiet by the philosophical
+inquiry of "What are the odds, so long as you're happy?"&mdash;a question
+which, as Elizabeth was not happy, she found some difficulty in answering.
+At length, one morning at breakfast, he said sulkily, "Well, I suppose I
+shall never have any peace till that affair comes off;" and the necessary
+orders for the coronation of the queen were immediately given. Henry
+himself behaved in a very ungentlemanly manner during the entire ceremony,
+for he viewed it from behind a screen, * which was afterwards brought into
+the hall, to enable him to sit at his ease out of sight, and take
+occasional peeps at the dinner. He had refused to honour the proceedings
+with his presence, having declared the ceremony to be "slow," and alleged
+the impossibility of his sitting it out after having once suffered the
+infliction.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was at about this period of the reign of Henry the Seventh that the
+court of Star Chamber was established; and though it, ultimately, **
+"became odious by the tyrannical exercise of its powers," its intentions
+were originally as honourable as the most scrupulous of its suitors could
+have desired. It was founded in consequence of the inefficiency of the
+ordinary tribunals to do complete justice in criminal matters and other
+offences of an extraordinary and dangerous character, *** and to supply a
+sort of criminal equity&mdash;if we may be allowed the term&mdash;which
+should reach the offences of great men, whom the inferior judges and
+juries of the ordinary tribunals might have been afraid to visit with
+their merited punishment.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* The old chroniclers affirm that he looked on "from behind
+a lattice." A modern authority has it that the king looked
+on at the dinner from behind a lettuce&mdash;spelt lattice&mdash;and
+had a magnificent salad before him during the proceedings.
+
+** <i>Vide</i> the valuable work on the Equitable Jurisdiction of
+the Court of Chancery� comprising its Rise, Progress, and
+Final Establishment. By George Spence, Esq., Q.C. Vol. i.,
+p. 350.
+
+*** Ditto, p. 351.
+</pre>
+<p>
+It has been suggested with some plausibility that the court of Star
+Chamber derived its name from the decorations of the room in which it was
+held, though it is, perhaps, a more ingenious supposition of a modern
+authority that the word "Star" was applied to the court in question
+because within its walls justice was administered in a twinkling. It
+might, with as much reason, be suggested that the name had reference to
+the constellation of legal talent of which the tribunal was composed; for
+those stars of the first magnitude&mdash;the Lord Chancellor, the Lord
+Treasurer, the Lord Privy Seal, and the President of the Council, were all
+of them judges of the court.
+</p>
+<p>
+We must not, however, detain the reader any longer in a dull court of law,
+for we find ourselves served, in imagination, with a writ of <i>Habeas
+Corpus</i>, commanding us to bring him up for the purpose of inquiring by
+what right we hold him in the disagreeable duress of dry legal detail.
+</p>
+<p>
+In returning to Henry, we find him offering to act as mediator between
+Charles of France and the Duke of Bretagne, when, like every meddler in
+the disputes of others, he is unable to emerge from the position in which
+he has placed himself without that nasal tweak which is the due reward of
+impertinence. The taxes he was obliged to impose for the purpose of
+interference, undertaken, as he alleged, to curb the ambition of the
+French court, were very exorbitant, and particularly so on account of
+Henry's avarice, which induced him to put about ten per cent, of every
+levy into his own pocket. The people were, of course, dissatisfied, and
+the harshness used in collecting the subsidy irritated them so much in the
+north, that they took their change out of the unfortunate Duke of
+Northumberland, whom they killed, because he had the ill-luck to be
+employed in the invidious office of tax-gatherer.
+</p>
+<p>
+In 1490 Parliament liberally granted some more money to carry on the war
+with France, but Henry pocketed the cash, and sent some priests to try and
+compromise the matter with the enemy. It was not until four years
+afterwards, in the course of 1494, that he really went to work against the
+French, but he contrived to make it pay him exceedingly well, for he not
+only grabbed the subsidies voted for the purpose, but he converted them
+into so much clear profit, by getting his knights and nobles to bear their
+own expenses out of their own pockets. He kindly gave them permission to
+sell their estates without the ordinary fines, and many a gallant fellow
+sold himself completely up, in the hope of indemnifying himself by what he
+should be able to take from the French in battle.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry had, however, completely humbugged his gallant knights and nobles,
+for he never intended them to have the chance of gaining anything in
+France by conquest, and had, in fact, settled the whole matter at a very
+early period. He had made up his mind not to spend more than he could
+help, and had been putting away the subsidies in a couple of huge
+portmanteaus, which served him for coffers. Under the pretence of doing
+something, he passed over with his army to France, and "sat down" before
+Boulogne; but his sitting down proved that he had no intention of making
+any stand, and a truce was very soon agreed upon. Two treaties were drawn
+up, one of which was to be made public, for the purpose of misleading the
+people, and the other was a private transaction between the two
+sovereigns. The first only stipulated for peace, but the second secured
+the sum of �149,000 to be paid by instalments to Henry, who must have been
+under the necessity of ordering another coffer to receive the additional
+wealth that was thus poured in upon him.
+</p>
+<p>
+New troubles were, however, commencing to disturb the mind of the king,
+who received one morning, at breakfast, a despatch announcing the arrival,
+at the Cove of Cork, of another pretender to the Crown of England. "There
+seems to be no end to these vagabonds," he mentally exclaimed, as he read
+the document announcing that a handsome young man had been giving himself
+out as Richard, Duke of York, second son of Edward the Fourth, and
+legitimate heir to the monarchy. "Pooh, pooh!" ejaculated Henry; "the
+fellow was disposed of in the Tower long ago." But on perusing further, he
+found that the young man had met this objection by alleging that he had
+escaped, and had been for seven years a wanderer. It was exceedingly
+improbable that the royal youth had been so long upon the tramp, but his
+story was not very rigidly criticised by Henry's enemies. The wanderer
+introduced himself to the Duchess of Burgundy, who, after some enquiry,
+pronounced him to be genuine, and embraced him as the undoubted son of her
+dear brother Edward. She gave him the poetical name of the White Rose of
+England, but Henry, knowing that "the rose by any other name" would <i>not</i>
+"smell as sweet" in the nostrils of the English, gave out that the "White
+Rose" was a Jew boy of the name of Peterkin or Perkin Warbeck. It was
+further alleged that the lad had been recently a footman in the family of
+Lady Brompton, with whom he had been travelling. Peterkin was materially
+damaged in public opinion by getting the character of a mere "flunkey,"
+and he was afraid to do more than hover about the coast without venturing
+to effect a landing. Though Henry had held the pretender up to ridicule,
+Perkin Warbeck's opposition was in reality no joke, and the king bribed a
+few of the party to betray their colleagues. Several were at once informed
+against, among whom were the two Ratcliffes, who denied their guilt in the
+usual Ratcliffe highway; but their repudiation had no effect, for one of
+them was at once beheaded. Sir William Stanley, a very old friend of the
+Richmond family, whose brother, Lord Stanley, had put the battered crown
+on Henry's brow in the field of Bosworth, became an object of suspicion;
+and thinking he should get off by a confession, he acknowledged everything
+he had been guilty of, with a supplement containing a catalogue of
+offences he had never committed. Thus, by denying too much for confession
+and owning enough for condemnation, he fell between two stools, one of
+which was the stool of repentance, and lost his head at the moment he
+fancied he was upon a safe footing.
+</p>
+<p>
+The party of Perkin Warbeck being discouraged by these events, and the
+people of Flanders having grown tired of the pretender's long visit, he
+felt that "now or never" was the time for his descent on England. The
+White Rose having torn himself away by the force of sheer pluck, attempted
+to transplant himself to the coast of Deal, but he found a Kentish knight
+ready to repel the Rose, and by a cry of "Go it, my tulips!" encouraging
+his followers to resist all oppression.
+</p>
+<p>
+The White Bose and his companions mournfully took their leaves, and as
+many as could escape returned with press of sail to Flanders. Henry sent a
+vote of thanks to the men of Kent, with a promise of gold, but the
+remittance never came to hand from that day to the present.
+</p>
+<p>
+Mr. P. Warbeck was now becoming such a nuisance in Flanders, that he was
+told he must really suit himself with another situation immediately. He
+tried Ireland, but the dry announcement of "no such person known" was
+almost the only answer to his overtures. As a last resource, and a proof
+of the desperate nature of his fortune, he actually threw himself upon the
+generosity of the Scotch, which was almost as hopeless as running his head
+against a stone wall; but as it was just possible that Perkin Warbeck
+might be turned to profitable account against England, the Scotch opened
+their hearts&mdash;where there is never any admission except on business&mdash;to
+the adventurous wanderer. James the Third, king of Scotland, chiefly out
+of spite to Henry, not only received Perkin as the genuine Duke of York,
+but married him to Lady Catherine Gordon, the lovely and accomplished
+daughter of the Earl of Huntley, a relative of the royal house of Stuart.
+An agreement was drawn up between James of Scotland, of the one part, and
+Perkin Warbeck, of the other, by virtue of which Perkin was to be
+pitchforked on to the English throne, and was to make over the town of
+Berwick-on-Tweed&mdash;when he got it&mdash;as an acknowledgment to King
+James for his valuable services. After some little delay, the Scotch
+crossed the border to enforce Perkin's demand; but when that individual
+arrived in England, he found himself so thoroughly snubbed that he sneaked
+back again.
+</p>
+<p>
+Notwithstanding the utter failure of this enterprise, which had cost Henry
+not a penny to resist, he sent in a bill as long as his arm for the
+equipment of his army. The people who had not been called upon to strike a
+single blow, and always liked to have, what they called "their whack for
+their money," were enraged at being asked to pay for a battle that had
+never happened. The men of Cornwall were particularly angry at having to
+give any of their tin, and came up to Blackheath, under Lord Audley, whose
+inexperience was so great that he might have furnished the original for
+the sign of the "Green Man," which so long remained the distinguishing
+feature of the neighbourhood. The battle of Blackheath was fought on the
+22nd of June, 1497, with a good deal of superfluous strength on one side,
+and consummate bad management on the other. On the side of the insurgents,
+one Flammock or Flummock, an attorney, was a principal leader, but he
+would gladly have taken out a summons to stay proceedings, had such
+practice been allowable. It is probable that this "gentleman one, &amp;c."
+had been persuaded by some noble client who had an interest in the fight
+to appear as his attorney in this memorable action.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry having gained every advantage in his recent transactions was
+desirous of completing his arrangements, by purchasing Warbeck, if anyone
+could be found base enough to sell that unfortunate individual. James of
+Scotland was too honourable for such a shameful bargain, though he was
+greatly embarrassed in assisting Warbeck, for whom he had melted down his
+plate&mdash;an act worthy of the most fiddle-headed spoon&mdash;besides
+raising money on a gold chain he used to wear, and to which he was so
+attached, that he compared it to
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+"Linked sweetness long drawn out,"
+</pre>
+<p>
+as he drew it forth from his pocket to put it into the hands of the
+pawnbroker.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was now intimated to Perkin Warbeck that he "had better go," for his
+presence had become exceedingly costly and embarrassing. "I've nothing
+more for you, my good man," were the considerate words of James as he
+despatched his guest to seek his fortune elsewhere, attended by a few
+trusty retainers, who stuck to him "through thick and thin," an attachment
+which, as he could hardly pay his own way, must have been very
+embarrassing. His wife's fidelity to him in his ill-fortune was a
+beautiful as well as a gratifying fact, for she had, really, seen much
+better days, and the sacrifices she made in sharing the fate of a
+Pretender "out of luck" was quite undeniable.
+</p>
+<p>
+Perkin Warbeck made first for Cork in the hope of raising the Irish, but
+as he could not raise the Spanish, the former would have nothing to do
+with him. He next tried Cornwall, and marching inland he soon found
+himself at the head of a party of discontented ragamuffins, who happened
+to be ready for a row, without any ulterior views of a very definite
+character. He called himself Richard the Fourth, and penetrated into
+England as far as Taunton Dean, where Henry's forces had already
+collected.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0131" id="linkimage-0131"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/365m.jpg" alt="365m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/365.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Warbeck was admirable in all his preliminary arrangements, and it was
+"quite a picture" to see him reviewing his troops; but picture as he was,
+the idea of fighting put him into such a fright, that he always lost his
+colour. He was first-rate on parade, but quite unequal to the business of
+a battle, and, indeed, to use an illustration founded on a fact of our own
+times, he would have been invaluable in the Astley's version of Waterloo,
+though utterly contemptible in the original performance of that tremendous
+action.
+</p>
+<p>
+No sooner had Perkin Warbeck ascertained the propinquity of the enemy than
+he recommended that his forces should all go to bed in good time to be
+fresh for action early in the morning. Having first ascertained that all
+were asleep, he stole off to the stable, saddled his horse, and having
+mounted the poor brute, stuck spurs into its side until he reached the
+sanctuary of Beaulieu in the New Forest. When this disgraceful desertion
+of their leader was discovered the rebels set up a piteous howl and threw
+themselves on the mercy of Henry, who ordered some to hang, and sent
+others to starve, by dismissing them without food or clothing. Lady
+Catherine Gordon, alias Mrs. P. Warbeck, who had been sojourning for
+safety at St. Michael's Mount in Cornwall, was brought before the king,
+who, touched by her beauty and her tears, experienced in his heart that
+truly English sentiment which declares, that "the man who would basely
+injure a lovely woman in distress, is unworthy of the name of a&mdash;a&mdash;British
+officer." He therefore sent her on a visit to the queen, who paid every
+attention to the fallen heroine.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0132" id="linkimage-0132"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/366m.jpg" alt="366m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/366.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The next thing to be done was to rout Perkin Warbeck out of the hole into
+which cowardice had driven him. Henry was unwilling to disturb the
+sanctuary, but he sent his agents to parley with Perkin, who, finding
+himself regularly hemmed in, thought it better to come out on the best
+terms he could, and he accordingly emerged on the promise of a pardon.
+Henry was anxious to get a peep at the individual who had caused so much
+trouble, but thought it <i>infra dig.</i> to admit the rebel into the
+royal presence. The king, therefore, reverted to his old practice of
+getting behind a screen, an article he must have carried about with him
+wherever he went, that he might, unseen, indulge his curiosity. This
+paltry practice should have obtained for him the name of Peeping Harry,
+for we find him, at more than one period of his reign, skulking behind a
+screen, in the most ignoble manner. Perkin was made to ride up to London,
+behind Henry, at a little distance, and on getting to town he was sent on
+horseback through Cheapside and Cornhill, as a show for the citizens.
+There were the usual demonstrations of popular criticism on this occasion,
+and there is no doubt that amid the gibes and scoffs addressed to the
+captive the significant interrogatory of "Who ran away from Taunton Dean?"
+was not forgotten.
+</p>
+<p>
+After taking a turn to the Tower and back for the accommodation of the
+inhabitants at the East End, who desired to be gratified with a sight of
+the Pretender, Perkin was lodged in the palace at Westminster, where a
+good deal of liberty seems to have been allowed him. He however chose to
+run away, and being caught again, he was made to stand in the stocks a
+whole day before the door of Westminster Hall, where he was made to read a
+written confession, which was interrupted by an occasional egg in his eye,
+or cabbage leaf over his mouth, for such are the voluntary contributions
+which a British public has always been ready to offer to helpless
+impotence.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0133" id="linkimage-0133"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/368m.jpg" alt="368m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/368.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The next day the same ceremony with the same accessories was repeated at
+Cheapside, in order to give the East End an opportunity of enjoying the
+sport which the West End had already revelled in. Perkin Warbeck was then
+committed to the Tower, where he and the unfortunate Earl of Warwick
+became what may be termed fast friends, for they were bound tightly
+together in the same prison. Warbeck, who was in every sense of the word
+an accomplished swindler, succeeded in winning the good opinion, not only
+of his fellow captive but of the keepers of the jail, three of whom, it is
+said, had actually undertaken to murder Sir John Digby, the governor, for
+the sake of getting hold of the keys, and releasing the two captives. It
+was now evident that Warbeck would never be quiet, and Henry, feeling him
+to be a troublesome fellow, determined to get rid of him. On the 16th of
+November, 1499, Warbeck was arraigned at Westminster Hall, and being found
+guilty as a matter of course, was executed on the 23rd of the same month
+at Tyburn, where, cowardly to the last, he asked the forgiveness of the
+king, even on the scaffold.
+</p>
+<p>
+Walpole, in his "Historic Doubts"&mdash;a work that throws everything into
+uncertainty and settles nothing&mdash;gives it as his opinion that Perkin
+Warbeck was really the Duke of York; but had Walpole been able to tell "a
+sheep's head from a carrot," he would never have been guilty of such a
+piece of confounding and confounded blundering. We who give no
+encouragement whatever to Historic Doubts are tolerably sure that Perkin
+Warbeck was merely a fashionable swindler, for he had none of that
+personal courage or true dignity which would have redeemed his imposture
+from the character of mere quackery. He contrived to ruin poor Warwick, or
+at all events to hasten his destruction by implicating him in a
+conspiracy, which of his own accord he never would have dreamed of.
+</p>
+<p>
+When put upon his trial, the hapless earl&mdash;who, though only
+twenty-nine years of age, was from long seclusion in a state of second
+childhood, if indeed he had ever got out of his first&mdash;confessed with
+piteous simplicity all that had been alleged against him. He was beheaded
+on Tower Hill the 24th * of November, 1499; and it was said that his death
+was the most merciful that could be conceived, for in losing his head he
+was deprived of that which he never knew how to use, and of the possession
+of which he did not at any time seem sensible. Warbeck's widow continued
+to go by the name of the White Rose, when Sir Mathew Cradoc, thinking it a
+pity that she should be "left blooming alone," offered to graft her on his
+family tree, and the White Rose consented to this arrangement.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Hume says the 21st. Another authority says the 28th. It is
+not with a mere wish to "split the difference" that we adopt
+the medium date of the 24th, but we have good reasons for
+stating that to be the exact day, and Mr. Charles
+Macfarlane, in his admirable "Cabinet History of England"
+has likewise named the 24th of November as the precise time
+of Warwick's execution.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Henry had long been anxious to marry his daughter Margaret to James of
+Scotland, and he sent a cunning bishop, most appropriately named Fox, to
+act the part of a match-maker. The sly old dog brought the matter so
+cleverly about that the marriage was agreed upon, and this union led to
+the peaceful union of the two countries about a century afterwards. The
+young lady got but a small portion from her stingy father, and her husband
+made a settlement upon her of �2000 a year, but he got her to accept a
+paltry compromise. The meanness of the arrangements may be judged of by
+the ridiculous fact that King James and his young bride rode into
+Edinburgh on the same palfrey.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry's eldest son, Arthur Prince of Wales, had been already married to
+Catherine, fourth daughter of Ferdinand of Spain, who promised two hundred
+thousand crowns, half of which he paid down, as a wedding portion. The
+young husband died soon after, and Ferdinand naturally asked for his money
+and his child back again. The English king had pocketed the greater part
+of the cash, which he was not only quite unwilling to refund, but he had
+serious thoughts of proceeding for the balance of his daughter-in-law's
+dowry. He therefore consented to affiance her to his second son, Henry, in
+compliance with the only condition upon which Ferdinand agreed to waive
+his claim to the cash already in hand, and he even promised to pay the
+rest of the portion at his "earliest convenience."
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry himself, or as we may call him for the sake of distinction, the "old
+gentleman," had lately lost his wife, and he went at once into the
+matrimonial market to see whether there was anything upon which it might
+be safe to speculate. He however wanted to conduct his operations with
+such extraordinary profit to himself that nothing seemed to tempt his
+avarice. His ruling passion was for "cash down," and to obtain this he
+fleeced his subjects most unmercifully, though he employed the
+disreputable firm of Empson and Dudley to collect the amount of the
+various extortions he was continually practising. These two men were
+little better than swindlers, though as lawyers they adhered to the rules
+of law, and indeed they kept a rabble always in the house to sit as
+jurymen. They had trials in their own office, and would often ring the
+bell to order up a jury from downstairs, just as anyone in the present day
+would order up his dinner. Dudley got the name of the Leech, from his
+power of drawing, and indeed he would have got the blood out of a
+blood-stone if the opportunity had been afforded him. *
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Empson has been described by Hume as a man of "mean birth
+and brutal temper," who of course, did all the bullying of
+this disreputable firm, while Dudley, who was "better born,
+better educated, and better bred," acted in the capacity of
+what may be termed the decoy duck of the concern; or, in
+other words, the latter snared the game which the former
+savagely butchered.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Henry had now but one formidable enemy left, in the person of young Edmund
+de la Pole, the nephew of Edward the Fourth, and son and heir to the Duke
+of Suffolk. This turbulent individual renewed the cry in favour of the
+"White Rose," which was said by a wag of the day to be raised on a pole,
+after the fashion of the frozen-out gardeners.
+</p>
+<p>
+Suffolk soon had the mortification of finding that he had not the
+suffrages of the people, for the rush to the Pole was anything but
+encouraging. "Ye Pole theyreforre," says Comines, "dydde cutte his sty
+eke," and became a penniless fugitive in Flanders. He was ultimately
+surrendered by Philip, the archduke, who had received Suffolk as a
+visitor, but gave him up with a lot of sundries he was transferring to
+Henry, who promised to spare the prisoner's life, and did so, though he
+left word in his will that his successor had better kill the earl, as he
+would otherwise prove troublesome.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the course of the year 1509, Henry's health became very indifferent,
+and he had repeated attacks of the gout, every one of which put him in
+ill-humour with himself in particular, and the world in general. Every
+fresh twinge was paid with interest upon one or more of his unfortunate
+subjects; and when he got very bad he would be most indiscriminate in his
+cruelty. He fixed upon a poor old alderman named Harris, who died of sheer
+vexation at his ill-treatment before his indictment came on; and at this
+remote period we hope we shall not be accused of injuring the feelings of
+any of the posterity of poor Harris by saying, that he was literally
+harassed to death through the unkindness of his sovereign. During his
+illness Henry would do justice occasionally between man and man, but a
+favourable turn in his malady, a quiet night, or a refreshing nap, would
+bury all his good resolutions in oblivion. At length on the night of the
+21st of April, 1509, he died at Richmond, leaving behind him a will in
+which he bequeathed to his son and heir the delightful task of repairing
+all his father's errors.
+</p>
+<p>
+However easy it may be for an executor to pay the pecuniary debts of a
+testator with plenty of assets in hand, the moral responsibilities which
+have been left unsatisfied, are not so soon provided for. It is true that
+a good son frequently makes atonement to society for the mischief done by
+a bad parent; but this, though it strikes a sort of balance with the
+world, does not prevent the father from being still held accountable for
+his deficiencies.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry died in the fifty-third year of his age, and had he lived a day
+longer, he would have reigned twenty-three years and eight months, or as
+Cocker has it, in the simplicity of his heart, "had he been alive in the
+year 1700, he would have reigned upwards of two centuries." Our business,
+however, is not with what he might have done, but what he actually did,
+and we therefore record the fact, that he died on the 21st of April, 1509,
+and was buried in the magnificent chapel of Westminster Abbey, which he
+built, and which is called after him to this very day and hour that we now
+write upon. *
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* A quarter to one, A.M., April 13th, 1847.
+</pre>
+<p>
+It is often the most painful part of our labours to give characters of
+some of the sovereigns who pass under our review in the course of this
+history. To those who have only known Henry the Seventh as the chivalrous
+and high-minded prince that fought so gallantly with Richard the Third on
+the field of Bosworth, it will be distressing to hear that the Richmond of
+their dramatic recollections is nothing like a true portrait of the actual
+character. At all events, if he had virtues in his youth they were not
+made to wear, they became sufficiently threadbare to be seen be seen
+through.
+</p>
+<p>
+Even his ambition seems to have been little more than a medium he had
+adopted for gratifying his avarice, and it is now pretty clear that he
+rather wanted the crown for what it was worth in a pecuniary point of
+view, than for the honourable gratification which power when rightly used
+is capable of conferring on its possessor. Hume tells us that "Henry loved
+peace without fearing war," which is true enough; for war afforded him a
+pretext for raising money, while peace, which he generally managed to
+arrange, gave him an opportunity of pocketing the cash he had collected.
+War, therefore, was never formidable to him, for he usually manoeuvred to
+keep out of it; but he made the rumour of it serve as an excuse for taxing
+his people. He was decidedly clever as a practical man, though exceedingly
+unprincipled, but several salutary laws were passed in his reign; one of
+the best of which was an act allowing the poor to sue <i>in forma pauperis</i>.
+Considering how often the law reduces its suitors to poverty, it is only
+fair that those who are brought to such a condition should still be
+allowed to go on, for it is like ruining a man and then turning him out of
+doors to say that the courts shall be closed against such as are
+penniless.
+</p>
+<p>
+Another important and useful measure of Henry's reign was that by which
+the nobility and gentry could alienate their estates, or cut mouth an
+occupant of the throne of England off the tail, which limited everything
+to the head of a family. This apparently liberal act was passed for the
+benefit of the king himself, who wished his nobles to be able to sell
+everything they had got for the sake of paying the expenses of the wars,
+which otherwise must have been prosecuted partly out of Henry's own
+pocket. He owed more to fortune than to his own merit, and even the
+conspiracies that were got up against him from time to time helped to
+sustain him in his high position, as the shuttlecock is kept in a state of
+elevation by constant blows from the battledore.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0031" id="link2HCH0031"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE SECOND. HENRY THE EIGHTH.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0134" id="linkimage-0134"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/372m.jpg" alt="372m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/372.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+ENRY the EIGHTH, only surviving son and successor of Henry the Seventh,
+took to his father's crown and sceptre on the 22nd of April, 1509, amid
+general rejoicing, for he was an exceedingly gentlemanly youth of eighteen
+when he came to the throne, of which his parent had recently been but a
+bearish occupant. If young Harry had never lived to play old Harry, his
+popularity might have survived him, for the people had become disgusted
+with the conduct of his father, and there never was a finer chance for a
+young man than that which offered itself to the new sovereign.
+</p>
+<p>
+Nothing could exceed the grossness of the adulation which was poured out
+upon him at his accession, and the perfection of the art of puffing in
+England may, perhaps, be ascribed to this period of our history. His
+countenance was likened to that of Apollo&mdash;a falsehood for which, in
+his features, no apology can be found; his chest was declared to be that
+of Mars, though it was evidently his pa's, for in early youth his
+resemblance to his father was remarkable. Clemency was declared to be
+seated on his ample forehead, equity was pronounced to be balancing itself
+on the bridge of his nose, intelligence was recognised lurking in ambush
+among his bushy hair; and even Erasmus attributes to him the acuteness of
+the needle, with other intellectual qualities of an exalted character. *
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* We are indebted to Mr. Tytler, who is generally correct to
+a tittle, for these interesting particulars.&mdash;See his "Life
+of Henry the Eighth," p. 16 of the 2nd edition.
+</pre>
+<p>
+It is sad to reflect that the philosopher, when he takes the paintbrush in
+hand to dash off the portrait of a king, is apt to become a mere parasite,
+and will not abstain from staining his own character by daubing with false
+colours the canvas of history. Thus, even Erasmus used hues his friends
+would be glad to erase, and has covered over the black spots in Henry's
+character with that pink of perfection which makes <i>couleur de rose</i>
+of everything. It is not to be wondered at, that in setting out upon the
+voyage of government, Henry received "one turn a-head"&mdash;if we may be
+allowed a nautical expression&mdash;while the engines of flattery were at
+work on all sides of him. It is to be regretted, for the sake of himself
+as well as for the good of his subjects, that truth was not at hand to
+give him that friendly "shove astern" which has saved many from
+precipitating themselves on the rocks that always lie in the course of
+greatness and power.
+</p>
+<p>
+As if determined to begin as he intended to go on, Henry looked out at
+once for a wife, and, considering how often he was destined to undergo the
+marriage ceremony in the course of his reign, it was as well that he
+should lose no time in commencing the career that lay before him. In his
+first matrimonial adventure he appears to have let others choose for him,
+instead of making a selection for himself, and Catherine of Aragon, the
+widow of his elder brother Arthur, was pointed out to him as an eligible
+<i>parti</i> for nuptial purposes.
+</p>
+<p>
+This marriage was strongly recommended by the political faculty as a
+saving of expense, for the lady would have been entitled to a large
+pension as widow of Prince Arthur, and her friends in Spain, had she been
+returned upon their hands, would have wanted to know something about the
+150,000 crowns she had received as a marriage portion. Of course, the
+whole of it was gone, and it was thought that Henry would be killing a
+whole covey of birds with one stone if he would consent to take her as his
+wife, inasmuch as he would thus extinguish her claims to a pension, and
+prevent any awkward questions being asked in Spain as to the portion she
+had brought with her to England. Henry, feeling a sort of intuitive
+consciousness that he should have plenty of opportunities to select a wife
+for himself, agreed to take, as a beginning, the one that had been chosen
+for him by others, and accordingly, on the 3rd of June, 1509, the lady,
+who was eight years older than himself, became his wife, at Greenwich. The
+royal couple were not destined to roll down the hill together in after
+life, whatever they may have done on the day of their union, which was
+doubtless marked by all those sports of which the locality was
+susceptible. Catherine, though a little <i>pass�e</i>, looked exceedingly
+well, for, in order to render her appearance more attractive, she was
+dressed in white, and "all Greenwich," says Lord Herbert, "did not, on
+that day, contain a daintier dish of whitebait than the Lady of Aragon."
+The royal pair were crowned on the 24th of June, 1509, being exactly three
+weeks after marriage, up to which period, at least, there was no
+indication of that Bluebeardism which subsequently broke out with so much
+fury in the royal character.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry had on his accession thrown himself into the arms of his
+grandmother, the old Countess of Richmond, upon whose advice he acted in
+the selection of his ministers. The old lady died in the same month in
+which her grandson was married and crowned, at the respectable age of
+sixty-eight; and it is a curious fact that she had been married three
+times, so that in his multiplicity of wives, Henry the Eighth may be said
+to have simply improved upon the example set him by his grandmother. *
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Her friend and counsellor, Jack Fisher, Bishop of
+Rochester, says of her, that "a reddy witte she had to
+conceive all thyngs, albeit they were ryghte derke."
+</pre>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0135" id="linkimage-0135"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/374m.jpg" alt="374m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/374.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The first political act of Henry the Eighth's reign, was to lay the heads
+of Empson and Dudley upon the scaffold. These rapacious extortioners had
+been the tools of his father's avarice, but had contrived to feather their
+own nests tolerably well; and Henry kept them in prison for the purpose of
+getting out of them the wealth they had acquired by their rapacity. He
+detained them in the Tower a whole year before he beheaded them, and
+continued to squeeze out of them everything they possessed, for he was one
+of those who never threw an orange away without thoroughly sucking it.
+Having drained it at length completely dry by about the 17th of August,
+1510, he, on that day&mdash;to pursue the allegory of the orange&mdash;declined
+allowing them any quarter, but sent them to Tower Hill, where execution
+was done upon both of them.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry finding everything going smoothly in England, fell into the common
+error of those who having every comfort at home must needs look abroad for
+the elements of discord. He entered into a league against Louis the
+Twelfth of France, in favour of Pope Julius the Second and his
+father-in-law, Ferdinand of Aragon; but the latter kept helping himself to
+large slices of territory, and made use of his allies for the purpose of
+furthering his own interests. Henry's troops were therefore compelled to
+play an ignoble part, being cooped up in a French town, while the other
+soldiers overran Navarre, and appropriated everything they could lay their
+hands upon. Amazed at their moderate success upon land they attempted to
+retrieve themselves by a sea-fight, but the ruler was not then found by
+which Britannia subsequently learned to rule the waves, and the French
+fleet escaping into Brest, found shelter in their country's bosom.
+</p>
+<p>
+In 1513, Henry being anxious to obtain ascendency over the seas, appointed
+Sir Edward Howard, one of the sons of the Earl of Surrey, to accomplish
+the grand object. Howard was so exceedingly confident of success that he
+sent a private note requesting the king to come and see how beautifully he
+(Howard) would "spifflicate"&mdash;for such was the word&mdash;the
+presumptuous enemy. Henry by no means relished the invitation, and replied
+to it by desiring Howard to "mind his own business" as admiral. This
+nettled the naval commander, who, during the engagement, jumped into one
+of the enemy's ships, and could not jump back again; while Sir John
+Wallop, upon whom he had relied, exhibited little of that usefulness which
+his name seems to indicate. Poor Howard was, accordingly, killed; and
+Henry, flattered by his parasites, came to the resolution that no good
+would be done till he himself set out for France at the head of an army.
+</p>
+<p>
+In a few days he arrived off Boulogne, where he instructed the artillery
+to make as much noise as they could with their guns, in order that he
+might intimidate the foe, and encourage himself by the roaring of his own
+cannon. His object was undoubtedly to insinuate to the enemy, "We are
+coming in tremendous force, and so you had better keep out of the way for
+fear of accidents."
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry, who had various other great guns on board besides his artillery,
+was accompanied by Thomas Wolsey, his almoner, lately risen into favour,
+together with the celebrated Bishop Fox, and a number of courtiers. He
+passed his time very pleasantly at Calais for about three months, when he
+heard that the celebrated Bayard&mdash;the <i>chevalier sans peur et sans
+reproche</i>&mdash;was moving forward. The English king bounded on to his
+horse with the elasticity of indiarubber, and advanced at the head of
+fifteen thousand men&mdash;Bishop Fox, with characteristic cunning,
+keeping in the rear, and Wolsey following the Fox at a prudent distance.
+</p>
+<p>
+Twelve hundred French approached under the cover of a regular English fog,
+which with a most anti-national spirit favoured the enemies of the country
+to which it owed its origin. Bayard would have commenced an attack, but he
+was overruled by some of his companions; and Henry, thinking the foe
+afraid to "come on," sat himself down in a pavilion made of silk damask,
+foolishly believing that the art of the upholsterer could uphold the
+dignity of a sovereign.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0136" id="linkimage-0136"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/376m.jpg" alt="376m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/376.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Thus he sat, like the proprietor of a gingerbread stall at a fair, until a
+terrific shower came on, and the silk streamers were streaming with wet,
+and the satin chairs could no longer be sat-in with comfort or
+convenience. The tent was turned literally inside out by the wind, like an
+umbrella in a storm, and Henry was glad to exchange his gaudy booth for a
+substantial wooden caravan, that was speedily knocked together for his
+reception. Though the two armies did not fight they commenced operations
+by mining and countermining, but instead of making receptacles for
+gunpowder, they were only making gutters for the rain, which took
+advantage of every opening. The Count of Angoul�me (afterwards Francis the
+First) now arrived at headquarters, and scoured the country, which he was
+the better able to do from the quantity of water which had fallen on many
+parts of it.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry now received a visit from the Emperor Maximilian, and the English
+king made the most magnificent preparations for the interview; he equipped
+himself and some of his nobles in gold and silver tissue&mdash;though it
+was said the latter wore a tissue of falsehoods, for their finery was all
+sham&mdash;and he borrowed every bit of jewellery in his camp for his own
+personal bedizenment. He had a garniture of garnets in his hat, and even
+his watch, a tremendous turnip, had a diamond, weighing several carats, on
+its face, while a magnificent ruby matched with the rubicundity of his
+forehead, over which the gem was gracefully disposed. The nobles were
+sprinkled all over with paste, and looked effective enough at the price
+which Henry had given for their embellishment. Maximilian, who was in
+mourning, presented a dismal contrast to all this finery, for he wore
+nothing but a suit of serge, which, however, turned out for more
+serviceable than the fancy costume of Henry and his courtiers. The rain
+came on so furiously that unless the silks were washing silks they must
+have been fearfully damaged by the wet, while the running of the hues one
+into the other, caused Henry's party to come off with&mdash;in one sense&mdash;flying
+colours. It was at length determined to make an attack upon the French,
+and the Emperor Maximilian having got his old serge doublet trimmed up
+with a red cross, and pinned an artificial flower in his hat, directed the
+operations of the English. The French cavalry began pretty well; but
+whether Maximilian looked so great a guy as to terrify the horses, or
+through any other cause, it is certain that a panic ran through the ranks,
+and they commenced a retreat at full gallop, using their spurs with
+tremendous vehemence.
+</p>
+<p>
+One of the fugitives, a venerable marshal, broke his baton in beating a
+retreat over the back of his charger; and Bayard, who had refused to run,
+seeing the baton of his comrade broken, exclaimed, "Ha! he has cut his
+stick!" which afterwards became a by-word to describe the act of a
+fugitive. The illustrious <i>chevalier sans peur et sans reproche</i>
+became a prisoner, but thoroughly enjoyed the joke of his countrymen
+having run away, and laughingly called it the battle of the spurs, from
+the energy with which they had plunged their rowels into the flanks of
+their chargers.
+</p>
+<p>
+A meeting between Bayard, Maximilian, and Henry, has been described very
+graphically in the <i>Histoire de Bon Chevalier</i>; * and it appears from
+this authority that the two latter bantered their prisoner in a somewhat
+uncourteous manner. Bayard contended that he had become captive by a
+voluntary surrender; upon which the emperor and the king burst out into a
+fit of rude laughter, as if they would have said, "That's a capital joke;"
+but Bayard protested that he might have got away had he chosen to run for
+it. They only replied to him by saying "Well, well, my fine fellow, we've
+got you, and it matters little whether you took yourself into custody or
+now else you came here; but here you unquestionably are, and there's an
+end of the discussion."
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Vol. ii., p. 80.
+</pre>
+<p>
+After taking Tournay, where he held a number of tournaments, and which was
+actually sacrificed by the inhabitants for the sake of a bad pun *&mdash;worse
+even than the accidental one in the text&mdash;Henry returned to England,
+and arrived on the 24th of October, 1513, at Richmond.
+</p>
+<p>
+Thus ended the expedition to France; but important events had been
+happening at home, for the Earl of Surrey had been chevying the Scotch
+over the Cheviot Hills, and at last fought them at Flodden, where James
+the Fourth unfortunately fell; and the English queen, making a parcel of
+his coat, hat, and gloves, sent them to Henry as a proof of the dressing
+the Scotch had experienced.
+</p>
+<p>
+It had been intended to resume the war with France, but Louis the Twelfth
+suggested a compromise, by which he married Mary, the sister of the
+English king, and Mary thus had the honour of mollifying the asperity of
+the feelings that the two monarchs had hitherto indulged.
+</p>
+<p>
+We have already mentioned the name of Wolsey, who accompanied Henry abroad
+in the capacity of almoner; and it is now time that we give some
+particulars of a person who played one of the most important parts in the
+drama of history.
+</p>
+<p>
+Thomas Wolsey was born at Ipswich, in March, 1471, of humble parents; but
+the popular story of his father having been a butcher is probably a fable,
+to which the fact of his having had a stake in the country has perhaps
+given some likelihood. It is doubtful whether he was brought up to the
+block, though he might have been obliged to give his head to it at a later
+period of his life, when he incurred his master's displeasure. It has been
+said that Wolsey senior could not have been a butcher, because he left
+money to his son by will; but business must have been bad indeed if he
+could not bequeath a couple of legacies of thirteen-and-fourpence each,
+with one of six-and-sevenpence, and another of eleven shillings, in
+addition to a sura of ten marks, which constitute altogether the entire
+amount of cash that was actually disposed of by the old gentleman to his
+wife, his son, and his executors, ** If the elder Wolsey was really a
+butcher, it is certain that he had not a sharper blade in his
+establishment than his son Tom, who was sent early to school, and having
+proceeded to the University of Oxford, got on so well as to acquire the
+name of the Boy Bachelor. He soon became a fellow, and was one of the
+cleverest young fellows in the college, where he was intrusted to educate
+the three sons of the Duke of Dorset. In this capacity, by the application
+of a great deal of flattery&mdash;or, as some would have termed it, Dorset
+Butter&mdash;while at home with the young gentlemen for the Christmas
+holidays, he got the patronage of their noble father, who presented him
+with the rectory of Lymington. Here he is said to have disgraced himself
+by getting into a row at a fair, but we can scarcely believe that the
+clergyman of the parish would have forgotten himself so far as to give his
+love of gaiety full swing, and allow him to carry absurdity to the height
+which such a proceeding seems to indicate. He could not have very far
+compromised his character, or he would not have been employed by Henry the
+Seventh, on delicate and important missions which a parson fresh from "the
+fun of the fair" would never have been allowed to execute. Some of his
+detractors have broadly asserted that Wolsey was inebriated, and fled in
+shame from his cure, but we really believe that he was never at any period
+of his life intoxicated with anything but ambition, which undoubtedly is
+quicker in turning the head than the strongest juice that ever dropped
+from the ripest juniper. Fox, the Bishop of Winchester, strongly
+recommended Wolsey to Henry the Eighth, who, already knowing something of
+the young man, made him King's Almoner; and on taking Tournay, in France,
+hesitated whether he should burn it down, or make Wolsey its bishop. The
+latter of the two evils fell upon the town, which was placed under the
+ambitious churchman's ecclesiastical cognizance. He rose rapidly to the
+sees of Lincoln and York, became Lord High Chancellor of England, and, on
+the 7th of September, 1515, received his crowning honour, in the hat of a
+cardinal.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* The pun alluded to was couched in these words, which were
+used by the Citizens:&mdash;"<i>Que Tournay n'avoit jamais tourn�
+ni encore ne tournerait</i>."
+
+**  His will was published by Dr. Fiddes, from the Registry,
+at Norwich.
+</pre>
+<p>
+We must now put Wolsey by for a little bit, though we shall have to bring
+him out again and again, for we must not keep others waiting by lingering
+too long in the accomplished churchman's company. We left the Princess
+Mary just married to Louis the Twelfth, though her heart had long been
+given to Charles Brandon, Viscount Lisle, who retained the principal of
+her affections, though the French king got for a time the interest. He
+however enjoyed it for only two months when he died, and Brandon, the
+remainder-man, became the tenant in possession, by marrying Mary after
+three months' widowhood. Henry was at first very angry with the match, but
+the young couple rushing into his presence like two repentant lovers in a
+farce, and Wolsey interceding with all the air of the "smart servant," the
+king was persuaded to give that cheapest of all donations&mdash;his
+blessing.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0137" id="linkimage-0137"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/387m.jpg" alt="387m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/387.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Brandon's good sense and modesty went some way in reconciling Henry, for
+Viscount Lisle never presumed upon his connection with the family of
+royalty. He did not talk continually of "My brother-in-law the king," as
+he might have done; but he took the following motto, in which there is a
+strong indication of his "knowing his place," and being determined on
+keeping it.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+Cloth of gold do not despise,
+Though thou be match'd with cloth of frize;
+Cloth of frize be not too bold,
+Though thou be match'd with cloth of gold. *
+
+* "Granger's Biog. Hist.," vol. iv. p. 82.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Francis the First had succeeded to the French throne and the Archduke
+Charles of Austria had come in for the whole of the Spanish monarchy by
+the death of his maternal grandfather, Ferdinand of Aragon. He was a
+maternal grandfather in a double sense, for he had grown very old
+womanish, and the adjective maternal was by no means inappropriate.
+Francis and Charles became competitors for the empire just vacant by the
+death of Maximilian, and the countenance of Henry was eagerly sought by
+both of the disputants. Henry had formerly hoped to have been himself a
+successful candidate, but finding he had no chance, he wrote to Charles,
+saying he "wished he might get it," which were the genuine sentiments no
+doubt of the English sovereign. The election fell upon Charles, and
+Francis affected to take the consequence as if it had been of no
+consequence at all, though it was clearly otherwise.
+</p>
+<p>
+The election for the rank and dignity of Emperor was one of the most
+disgracefully corrupt proceedings that was ever witnessed, even in the
+palmiest days of the boroughmongering system in England, some centuries
+afterwards. The candidates were Francis the First of France, Charles the
+Fifth, king of Castile, Henry the Eighth of England, and the Elector
+Frederic of Saxony. The bribery was on a scale of vastness never before
+heard of, and it is said that Charles scattered his&mdash;or his people's&mdash;money
+among the independent electors with frightful prodigality. The electors of
+Cologne, which was not then in such good odour as might have been expected
+from the pleasant purity of its <i>Eau</i>, pocketed no less than 200,000
+crowns; but the mother of Francis the First declared, that "the electors,
+among them all, had not received from the king, her son, more than 100,000
+crowns," * so that the loss of his election is very easily accounted for.
+Francis, nevertheless, imagined he had secured five electors out of the
+seven; but those worthies, who were dishonestly receiving bribes from both
+parties at once, eventually gave to Charles, who paid them best, the
+benefit of their suffrages. Poor Saxony, expecting in a contest with such
+powerful opponents that he might get "double milled," resigned in favour
+of Charles; and Henry, whose committee had been sitting to conduct his
+election, until it was clear there would be nothing to conduct, threw his
+influence into the same scale.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Ellis's Letters, vol. i. p. 155.
+</pre>
+<p>
+On the 28th of June, 1519, the polling commenced, and each elector as he
+came up to give his vote was, no doubt, received with the shouts and
+salutations that are usual on all similar occasions. When the Elector of
+Cologne appeared to plump for Charles, after having quite as plumply
+promised his support to Francis, the jeers of the populace were
+tremendous, and an egg was even thrown for the purpose of egging on the
+crowd to acts of violence. The unprincipled elector looked contemptuously
+on the oval missile, as if he would have said that he did not care about
+submitting to the yolk, after the extensive "shelling out" that had
+already taken place for his benefit.
+</p>
+<p>
+The countenance of Henry was still the object of both their wishes, and
+Francis asked the English king for an interview, which was arranged to
+take place in France in the ensuing summer. Upon the appointment having
+been made, Charles ran over to England, to be the first to get Henry's
+ear, and seeing Wolsey's influence, did his utmost to win over that wary
+individual. The latter secretly aspired to the papal chair, and it may
+perhaps be said that his origin is proved to have been that of a butcher's
+son, because he began to look at everything with a pope's eye, and hoped
+to eat his mutton in the Vatican. Such frivolous reasoning is so unworthy
+the dignity of history, that we reject it at once, and confine ourselves
+to the simple fact, that the triple crown of Rome was always running in or
+about the head of the ambitious churchman.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0138" id="linkimage-0138"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/frontispiecem.jpg" alt="frontispiecem " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/frontispiece.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The time now drew near for Henry to meet Francis the First, who, thinking
+to flatter Wolsey, requested that the management of the gorgeous scene
+might be left entirely to the taste of the cardinal. Wolsey's reputation
+as a getter-up of spectacles was exceedingly well deserved, for even when
+at home, he lived in a style of gorgeous magnificence. Every apartment in
+his house at Hampton was a set scene of itself, with decorations and
+properties of the most costly character. He kept eight hundred
+supernumeraries always about him as servants, "of whom nine or ten were
+noblemen, fifteen knights, and forty esquires." * Not contented with an
+ordinary chair, he always sat with a canopy over his head, and he allowed
+no one to approach him except in a kneeling attitude. His dress matched
+his furniture, for he wore a crimson satin surtout, with hat and gloves of
+scarlet, and even his shoes were silver-gilt&mdash;like a pair of
+electrotyped high-lows. His liveries surpassed even those of the sheriffs
+of London; and his cook positively wore satin or velvet, so that this
+functionary was dressed more daintily and delicately than the most <i>recherch�</i>
+of his own dinners. Wolsey, when he appeared in public, carried an orange,
+stuffed with scents, in his hand; for he used to say affectedly that there
+was always an exhalation from a vulgar crowd, which gave him the vapours.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Fiddes' "Life of Wolsey," pp, 106,107.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The preparations for the interview between Francis and Henry having been
+entrusted to such a master of all ceremonies as Cardinal Wolsey, could not
+fail to be made on a scale of unprecedented grandeur; and the place where
+the two monarchs met acquired the name of the "Field of the Cloth of
+Gold," from the extreme gorgeousness of the scene in which they acted. The
+arrangements were nearly complete, and Henry had removed to Canterbury,
+for the convenience of the journey to France, when Charles of Spain, being
+jealous of the anticipated meeting, ran over to the Kentish coast, to say
+a few words to the English king before he left for the Continent.
+</p>
+<p>
+Charles was received in a most amicable manner, but happening to see the
+late Queen Dowager of France, then Duchess of Suffolk, who might, could,
+would, or should have been his own wife, he turned so spoony and
+sentimental, that he could take no pleasure in the festivities prepared
+for him. "No, thank you, none for me!" was his almost uniform answer to
+every inquiry whether he would have a little of this, that, or the other,
+that was placed before him. He lost first his spirits, then his appetite,
+and ultimately his time, for he was fit neither for n�gociation nor
+anything else during his stay in England. Having remained four days, he
+went home with a "worm in the bud" of his affections, and as he looked at
+the sea before him, he was overheard muttering that he "should never get
+over it." His courtiers thought he was alluding to the ocean but he was in
+reality soliloquising on the loss of his heart, which he left behind him;
+but happily this is a sort of parcel that can without much difficulty be
+recovered. On the day he re-embarked for Flanders, Henry set sail for
+France, having only put off his putting off out of compliment to his
+illustrious visitor.
+</p>
+<p>
+A plot of ground between Guisnes and Ardres was fixed upon as the place of
+meeting, and a temporary palace&mdash;of wood, covered with sailcloth&mdash;was
+erected there, for the person and the <i>suite</i> of the English
+sovereign. Cunning workmen had painted the sacking at the top to look like
+square stones; but it was sacking, nevertheless, as the inmates found out
+in rainy weather. The walls glittered with jewels, like the gingerbread
+stalls at a fair, and the tables groaned, or rather creaked, under massive
+plate, which proves that the wood must have been rather green which had
+been used in making the furniture. Francis, making up his mind not to be
+outdone, got an enormous mast, and throwing an immense rickcloth over the
+top, stuck it up umbrella-ways in the part of the field he intended to
+occupy. A whirlwind having come on, the old rickcloth got inflated with
+the height of its position, and was soon carried away by the puffing it
+experienced. The whole apparatus took, for a moment, the form of a
+balloon; and the workmen, seeing it was all up, ran away just in time to
+avoid the consequences of a collapse, which almost instantly happened.
+Francis was glad to find more substantial lodgings in an old castle near
+the town of Ardres, where Wolsey speedily paid him a morning visit. The
+cardinal, who had only intended to make a short call; remained two days,
+in which he arranged an additional treaty with the French king, who agreed
+to pay a large sum for the neutrality of England in Continental matters,
+and "as to Scotland," said Francis, "you and my mother shall settle that
+between you!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I?" exclaimed Louisa of Savoy, with surprise, "I don't know anything
+about diplomatic affairs!" but the cardinal flattered the old lady that
+she did; and by blandly remarking "he was positive that they should not
+fall out," he persuaded her to join him in the arbitration, for he felt
+pretty sure he should get the best of the bargain.
+</p>
+<p>
+Business being concluded, Henry took out of his portmanteau a new dress of
+silver damask, ribbed with cloth of gold, and in this splendid suit of
+stripes he went forth to meet his brother Francis. The 7th of June, 1520,
+and the valley of Andren, were the time and place of their first coming
+together, when, according to previous arrangement, they saluted and
+embraced on horseback. Had one waited for the other to dismount and
+advance, they might have been standing there to this day, but by a clever
+act of equestrianism, they contrived to go through the form of
+introduction on the backs of two highly-trained steeds, to the great
+admiration of the circle in the midst of which they exhibited. Francis
+spoke first, but confined himself to a commonplace observation on the
+length of the distance he had come, and an allusion to the extent of his
+possessions and power. Henry replied somewhat cleverly, that "the power
+and possessions of Francis were matters quite secondary in importance to
+Francis himself, whom he, Henry, had come a long way to see," and thus
+contempt was adroitly blended with compliment. The royal couple then
+dismounted, and took a turn arm-in-arm, as if in friendly conversation,
+after which they went together into a tent and partook of a very sumptuous
+banquet. Spice and wine were served out in great profusion, in a spirit of
+liberality equivalent to that which dispenses "hot elder, with a rusk
+included, a penny a glass," from many modern refectories. There was plenty
+of a sort of stuff called "<i>ipocras</i>," given to the people outside;
+but as we never tasted any "ipocras" and strongly suspect that it is a
+decoction from ipecacuanha, we cannot answer for the quality of the
+article in which the people "outside" were allowed to luxuriate.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0032" id="link2HCH0032"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE THIRD. HENRY THE EIGHTH (CONTINUED).
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">A</span>FTER the banquet, the kings came out of the tent, and Hall, the English
+annalist, got a near view of the French sovereign. Whether Hall had been
+immersed too thoroughly in "ipocras" to allow of his taking a clear view
+of matters in general, or from any other cause, it is certain that the
+picture he gives of Francis the First is very unlike the portrait which
+Titian has left to us. Hall makes the French king "highnosed and
+big-lipped," with "great eyes and long feet," as if Hall saw everything
+double while under the influence of "ipocras;" but Titian, by toning down
+the nose, so as to make its bridge in conformity with the arches of the
+eyebrows, has turned out a not unpleasing portrait of the great original.
+</p>
+<p>
+It had been previously announced that jousts would form part of the
+festivities, and accordingly, on the 11th of June, these entertainments
+began in a very spirited manner. The "braying" of trumpets made an
+appropriate introduction to the sports, ana the overture was echoed by
+braying of a more animated character. Each king fought five battles every
+day, and, of course, came off victoriously in every one; for the nobles
+and gentlemen of those times were most complacent in submitting their
+heads as dummies to aid the amusements of royalty. The season of the Field
+of the Cloth of Gold terminated with a fancy dress ball, in which Henry
+made himself very conspicuous by the character and richness of his
+disguises. The vastness of his wardrobe enabled him to astonish everyone
+by the effectiveness of his "making-up" and two or three of his masks were
+models of quaint ugliness.
+</p>
+<p>
+At the end of a fortnight of foolery and feasting the two monarchs
+separated, and the memorable meeting of the Field of the Cloth of Gold
+passed from the hands of the costumier, the carpenter, and the cook, into
+those of the historian. Its chief result was to beggar many of the French
+and English nobles who had taken part in it, and gone to expense they
+could not support to outdo each other in magnificence. Thus did the Field
+of the Cloth of Gold prepare the way for a sort of threadbare seediness,
+into which many belonging to both nations were plunged by their having
+done themselves up in an insane attempt to outdo each other.
+</p>
+<p>
+Our account of the great meeting on the Field of the Cloth of Gold would
+not be complete without the following anecdote. Francis rose very early
+one morning, and made his way to the quarters of Henry, who was in bed and
+fast asleep on the arrival of his illustrious visitor. The French king
+shook the English monarch cordially by the whipcord tassel on the top of
+his nightcap, when the latter, springing out of bed, responded to the
+playful summons. "You see," said Francis, "I am up with the lark," to
+which Henry added, "And I am ready for the bird you have specified." The
+English king then expressed himself much obliged for such a mark of
+attention, and cast over the neck of Francis "a splendid collar," being,
+no doubt, the "false one" taken off on the night previous. It is believed
+by some that Henry, not knowing the object of the intrusion, collared the
+intruder at once; but the version of the story which we have already given
+appears to be the more probable. Francis, in his turn, clasped a bracelet
+on Henry's arm, or rather, according to an ill-natured reading of the
+affair, one cuffed the other for the collaring he had experienced. Henry
+rang his bell for his valet, but Francis would not permit the attendance
+of any servant, but laid out Henry's clean things with his own hand,
+taking in his shaving water, putting out his highlows to be cleaned, and
+taking them in again. *
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* The minuteness with which these particulars are detailed,
+may cause a doubt of their veracity, but we refer the reader
+to Mr. Fraser Tytler's "Life of Henry the Eighth," in p. 123
+of which the anecdote we have given is fully recorded.
+</pre>
+
+<p>
+Henry, on his return from the Field of the Cloth of Gold, took Gravelines
+in his way, and gave a look in upon Charles of Castile, who saw him home
+as far as Calais. This far-seeing prince saw that Wolsey had it all his
+own way with the English king, and the emperor took every possible
+opportunity of trying to "come over" the proud prelate. Charles promised
+his "vote and interest" to Wolsey, in the event of any vacancy occurring
+in the papal chair, and gratified his avarice by making him bishop of
+Placentia and Badajos.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry, after making a short stay at Calais, returned to Dover, and reached
+London, without a penny in his pocket, for both he and his courtiers were
+completely cleaned out by their recent extravagance. On the king's
+arrival, Buckingham got himself into trouble by his impertinent remarks on
+the expedition to France, and the dreadful waste of money that it had
+occasioned. He particularly pointed his sarcasms against Wolsey as the
+originator of all the expensive fooleries that had been committed, and he
+took every opportunity of gain saying all the fooleries that had been
+committed, and he took every opportunity of occasion, Buckingham had been
+holding a basin for Henry to wash his hands, when Wolsey, anxious to have
+a finger in everything belonging to the king, plunged his paws into the
+same water. The duke, desirous of administering a damper to the cardinal,
+spilt a quantity of the liquid over his shoes, when Wolsey becoming angry,
+threatened to "set upon his skirts," which meant in other words, that the
+cardinal would be down upon him.
+</p>
+<p>
+There is no doubt that Wolsey took every opportunity of damaging
+Buckingham; but the duke himself was obnoxious to the king, and gave
+particular offence by hiring a servant who had been a member of the royal
+household. Buckingham had been leading the life of a country gentleman, at
+what be modestly called his "little place" in Gloucestershire, when he
+received an invitation to Court; and, foolishly flattering himself that
+this little attention was shown to him on account of his merits, he
+unsuspectingly obeyed the summons. When he had proceeded some way on his
+journey, he found he was dodged by three disagreeable looking fellows in
+block tin, who turned out to be members of the king's body guard, and who
+were sure to be at his heels whenever he looked round over his own
+shoulder.
+</p>
+<p>
+Having put up at Windsor for the night, he had no sooner been shown to his
+bedroom than he saw the same three fellows loitering in the yard of the
+inn he was stopping at. Once or twice, after occasion, Buckingham retiring
+to rest, he looked out of his window and fancied he saw one of the three
+knights crouching in a corner beneath his lattice, and he called out to
+the figure to be off; but the approach of daylight revealed to him the
+outline of an innocent water-butt, which he had during the hours of
+darkness imperatively desired to quit the premises. "I know you well," he
+cried several times to the tub, "and you had better go at once;" but his
+expostulations were of course disregarded in the quarter to which he was
+idly addressing them.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0141" id="linkimage-0141"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/389m.jpg" alt="389m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/389.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Declining to stop at Windsor, he determined to breakfast the next morning
+at Egham; but he had no sooner entered the coffee-room than he was
+insulted by one Thomas Ward, a creature of the Court, which completely
+took away the appetite of the duke, of whom it was cruelly said that he
+could eat neither egg nor ham in the hostel at Eg-ham. He then rode on to
+Westminster, where he got into his barge and 'pulled down with the tide as
+far as Greenwich, but stopped at Wolsey's house on the way, and sent in
+his card to the cardinal, who sent out word that he was indisposed, and
+declined seeing his visitor. "Umph," said the duke, "I'm sorry to hear
+that, but I'll step in, and take a glass of wine, if you've no objection!"
+After a good deal of whispering among Wolsey's servants, Buckingham was
+shown into the cellar, where he took a draught of wine from the wood; but
+finding no preparations made for him, he changed colour&mdash;that is to
+say, he looked rather blue&mdash;and proceeded on his journey. As he
+continued pulling along the river, a four-oared, manned by yeomen of the
+guard, whose captain acted as coxswain, hailed Buckingham in his barge,
+which was instantly boarded by the crew of the cutter.
+</p>
+<p>
+The duke having been towed ashore, was at once arrested, and marched in
+custody down Thames Street, with a mob at his heels, all the way to the
+Tower. There were a few cries of "Shame!" and other demonstrations of
+disapproval, but the sympathy of the bystanders having evaporated in a few
+yells and a mud shower of cabbage leaves, Buckingham was left in the hands
+of his captors. On the 13th of May, 1521, Buckingham was brought to trial
+on the charge of tempting Friar Hopkins to make traitorous prophecies.
+This Hopkins was an old fortune-telling impostor, who had predicted all
+sorts of good luck to poor Buckingham, none of which ever fell to his lot;
+so that he had the double mortification of having been cheated out of his
+cash, for promises that never came true, and being punished for them just
+as much as if they had all been literally verified. Buckingham defended
+himself with great courage; and on being convicted as a traitor, he
+solemnly declared that he was "never none:" an indignant mode of
+exculpation, in which grammar was sacrificed to emphasis. He died, very
+courageously, on the 17th of May, 1521, and the barbarous ceremony of his
+execution created the greatest disgust among the populace.
+</p>
+<p>
+Almost at the very moment that Henry was being guilty of the enormity we
+have described, he was putting himself forward as the champion of
+Religion. He professed the greatest horror of the errors and heresies of
+Luther, whom, in a letter to Louis of Bavaria, he proposed to burn, books
+and all, in an early bonfire. Finding that the great Reformer was not to
+be thus made light of, Henry turned author, and by taking up the pen, he,
+instead of consigning his antagonist to the flames, regularly burnt his
+own fingers. There is no doubt that the royal scribbler had been
+thoroughly well crammed for the task he undertook; and Leo the Tenth
+having read the book, was good-natured enough to say, in the language of
+our old friend the <i>Evening Paper</i>, that "it ought to be on every
+gentleman's table." He published a sort of review of it in a special bull,
+and made the remark, that the author might fairly be called "The Defender
+of the Faith," a title which was not only adopted by Henry himself, but
+has been held, to this very day, by all subsequent English sovereigns.
+</p>
+<p>
+Francis and Charles, the respective monarchs of France and Spain, had all
+this time continued their bickering, and they at length agreed to ask the
+arbitration of Henry. He declined interfering personally, but sent Wolsey
+in his stead, and the cardinal arrived at Calais on the 30th of July,
+1521, with a magnificent retinue. His establishment consisted of lords,
+bishops, doctors, knights, squires, and gentlemen in crimson-velvet coats,
+with gold chains round their necks, which gave to the whole party an
+aspect of exceeding flashiness. Wolsey, notwithstanding the number and
+splendour of his followers, was at a very trifling expense, for he
+billeted the whole party at Bruges upon the unfortunate emperor, or rather
+upon his more unfortunate subjects, who were ordered by their sovereign to
+find everything that was wanted and put it all down to him in that
+doubtful document, the bill, which between a potentate and his people
+seldom meets with settlement. Rations of candles, wine, sugar *, were
+served out every evening to the whole of Wolsey's suite, so that all who
+wanted it had the ingredients of grog, while the candles enabled such as
+were so disposed to make a night of it.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0142" id="linkimage-0142"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/392m.jpg" alt="392m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/392.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+After spending ten days in the enjoyment of every luxury, at the cost of
+the contending parties, thus showing that he understood how to make the
+very most of his position as an arbitrator, Wolsey suddenly declared that
+he saw no chance of Charles and Francis being reconciled. The wily
+cardinal, having been regularly got hold of by Charles, drew up a treaty
+extremely favourable to the emperor, and even arranged that he should
+marry Henry's daughter Mary, though the young lady had been previously
+betrothed to the son of Francis.
+</p>
+<p>
+This alteration in the domestic arrangements of the parties concerned was
+simply declared to be "for the good of Christendom," ** and Henry agreed
+to the plan with a nonchalant assurance that he really thought it the best
+thing that could be done, for he did not see "how his said affairs might
+have been better handled." *** Pope Leo the Tenth, who was in league with
+Wolsey, the emperor, and Henry, in their joint arrangements for smashing
+France, agreed to give the dispensation for the proposed marriage; but Leo
+died before the nuptial treaty had been ratified.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Cavendish.
+
+** Galt's "Life of Wolsey," book ii., p. 43.
+
+***State Papers.
+</pre>
+<p>
+On the death of Leo the Tenth, Wolsey lost no time in offering himself as
+a candidate for the vacant popedom. Secretary Pace was sent off at a
+slapping pace to Rome, to see the members of the conclave, and solicit
+their votes and interests for the English cardinal. Pace, however, seems
+to have been too slow to be of any use, and Adrian, Cardinal of Tortosa,
+who was put up almost in joke, and certainly to create a diversion against
+Giulio de Medici, one of the other candidates, was returned by a large
+majority. Wolsey's name does not appear to have been even mentioned on the
+occasion, and Pace took no step to further his employer's interests.
+</p>
+<p>
+Francis having been thoroughly disgusted at the treatment he had
+experienced, tried, in the first place, to win Henry back to his cause by
+entreaties, and next by intimidation, in pursuance of which he shabbily
+stopped the pension of the English sovereign. When two kings fall out,
+their subjects are usually the sufferers; and accordingly, the English in
+France and the French in England became the objects of royal spitefulness.
+Francis stopped all the British vessels in his ports, and arrested the
+merchants, while Henry took his revenge by imprisoning the French
+ambassador and making a wholesale seizure of all property belonging to
+Frenchmen. At length, the English monarch became so angry, that he sent a
+challenge by the Clarencieux Herald, offering to fight Francis in single
+combat, that each might have the satisfaction of a gentleman; but whether
+one refused to go out, or the other drew in, we are not aware, for we only
+know that the dispute did not end in a duel.
+</p>
+<p>
+Doubts have been thrown upon the sincerity of Henry in thus inviting
+Francis to a personal encounter, but there is every reason to believe
+that, in the words of the <i>Bell's Life</i> of the period, "the British
+Pet meant business, though the Gallic Cock, having already won his spurs
+in other quarters, was not disposed to place them in jeopardy." Henry,
+with the customary determination of the English character had, no doubt,
+put himself regularly into training for the event to come off, and it is
+not unlikely that he may have frequently amused himself by a little
+practice on the effigy of his intended antagonist. The skill he thus
+acquired in planting his blows and putting in the necessary punishment at
+the proper points would have been highly serviceable had he ever been
+allowed to meet his man, and it is even said that a bottle of claret was
+placed in the middle of the head of the figure, so that Henry might fully
+realise the result of his sparring exercise. We know not how far we may
+put faith in these ancient records, but we are justified in giving them to
+the reader, who will separate, no doubt, the wholesome corn of fact from
+the chaff of mere tradition.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0143" id="linkimage-0143"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/393m.jpg" alt="393m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/393.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+In the meantime, Charles came over on a visit to his intended
+father-in-law, and was introduced to his infant bride, who was a child in
+arms, at his first interview. Henry and Charles indulged in a succession
+of gaieties, for which neither possessed the means, and Charles even
+borrowed money of Henry, while the latter made up the deficiency by
+running into debt to a frightful extent with his own people.
+</p>
+<p>
+The king now began to find that he "must have cash," and he at once
+applied to Wolsey to assist him in raising more money. On these occasions
+Henry spoke in the most flattering manner to the cardinal, calling him
+endearingly his "Linsey Wolsey," in a word, "his comforter." The prelate
+readily entered into his master's views, but candidly pointed out the
+difficulties of extracting anything more from the London merchants. They
+had lately advanced �20,000 in a forced loan, and it was determined to
+vary the demand upon them, by substituting direct taxation for the empty
+form of borrowing. Wolsey ordered the mayor, the aldermen, and the most
+substantial citizens of London to attend at his chambers, * when he
+announced to them the fact that the sovereign was hard up, and required
+pecuniary assistance. "What, again!" cried a voice which the cardinal
+pretended not to hear, but proceeded to say that he should require a
+return of the amount of their annual moneys from all of them. This
+proposition was the origin of that income-tax with which England has since
+been burdened; and the lovers of antiquity will feel some consolation in
+the knowledge that they suffer under a grievance which is hallowed by its
+ancient origin. There is to many a great comfort in being victimised under
+venerable institutions, and there are individuals who would rather be
+plundered in conformity with what are termed time-honoured principles,
+than be fairly dealt with upon any new system.
+</p>
+<p>
+While, however, we are talking of the simpletons of the present day, the
+dupes and victims of the period of Henry the Eighth are being kept waiting
+in the presence of Wolsey. "Gentlemen," said the cardinal, "the country is
+in danger, ana the king wants your hearts;" an announcement which was
+received with cheers of assent, until it was followed up by a declaration
+that he must also try the strength of their pockets. Murmurs of dissent
+followed this intimation; but Wolsey went on boldly to say that the king
+would only require one-tenth of what they had, and if they could not live
+on the other nine-tenths, he did not know how they would ever be
+satisfied. "How will his majesty take the contribution?" at length
+exclaimed one of the aldermen. "In money, plate, or jewels," cried the
+cardinal; "but at any rate the thing must be done, and therefore go about
+it." ** A promise was made that the money should be repaid out of the
+first subsidy, which would have been a sort of improvement upon the old
+practice of borrowing from Peter to pay Paul, for it would have been
+picking Peter's two pockets at once, and ransacking one under the pretext
+of replenishing the other.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Supposed to have been over the gateway of Inner Temple
+Lane, where Henry and Wolsey shared the rooms now occupied
+by their successors, Honey and Skelton the hairdressers.
+
+** Hall, by the salient wit of More, who had a new joke for
+every new star, and appropriate puns for all the planets. He
+was the original author of that brilliant but ancient series
+of pleasantries on the "milky whey," which have since become
+so universally popular; and to him may perhaps be attributed
+the venerable but not sufficiently appreciated remark, that
+the music of the spheres must proceed from the band of
+Orion.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Henry certainly had the knack of making his people's money go a great way,
+for it went so far when it passed into his hands, that it never came back
+again. The enormous sums he had extorted from the citizens soon melted
+away in dinner parties, pageants, and other expenses, so that he was at
+last, after a lapse of eight years, obliged to summon a Parliament. It was
+opened in person by the king, and the Commons elected Sir Thomas More as
+their speaker.
+</p>
+<p>
+Sir Thomas More presented one of those rare unions of wisdom and waggery
+which may occasionally be found, and he was often sent for to the palace
+to make jokes for his sovereign. The king would often take him out on the
+leads at night, where after scrambling through the cock-loft, and getting
+out upon the tiles, Sir Thomas and his royal pupil would stand for an hour
+at a time, conversing on the subject of astronomy.
+</p>
+<p>
+The king and Wolsey congratulated each other on having got Tom More as
+Speaker, for they thought he would act like one of themselves, and that he
+would soon laugh the people out of all the money they might be required to
+furnish. Henry and the cardinal foolishly imagined that the man who
+sometimes made a joke could never be serious; but they found out their
+mistake, for he proved himself an excellent man of business when occasion
+required. Wolsey thought to produce an effect by attending the House in
+person, and making a speech on that most unpromising topic the "crisis,"
+though it was not such a threadbare subject in those days as in our own,
+when a "crisis" may almost be looked for as a quarterly occurrence.
+Happily, if we are remarkable for our rapidity in getting a "crisis" up,
+we have also a wonderful knack of putting it down again with equal
+promptitude.
+</p>
+<p>
+The speech of Wolsey was listened to without reply; for, every member of
+the House considering the cardinal's intrusion a breach of privilege,
+remained mute and motionless. Irritated by their silence, the crafty
+churchman called up one of the members by name, and asked him for a
+speech; but the call might just as well have been for a song, since the
+individual indicated said nothing more than rise up and sit down again.
+Finding it impossible to get a good word, or indeed any word at all from
+the Commons, the cardinal lost his temper, and declared that, having come
+from the king, he should certainly wait for an answer; but Tom Moore, the
+Speaker&mdash;who, by-the-by, deserved the title, for he was the only one
+that spoke&mdash;began to show his wit by saying that the fact was, the
+Commons were too modest to open their mouths in the presence of so great a
+personage. Wolsey withdrew in dudgeon, and after a few days' debate, it
+was at length agreed to give the money that had been asked, but to take
+five years to pay it in. Though Henry would no doubt have been perfectly
+willing to make a sacrifice for ready money, and allow a considerable
+discount on a cash transaction, his minister tried to accelerate the mode
+of payment without offering any equivalent for a restriction of the term
+of credit.
+</p>
+<p>
+The autumn of the year 1525 was rendered remarkable by the confusion into
+which the Londoners were thrown, in consequence of the almanack-makers and
+astronomers having tried to give an impetus to their trade by throwing
+into the market a parcel of very alarming prophecies. It was predicted
+that the rains would be so tremendous as to convert the whole wealth of
+the metropolis into floating capital; and the merchants, fearing they
+might not be able to keep their heads above water, ran in crowds to the
+suburbs. Several parted with everything they possessed, and their foolish
+conduct in making their arrangements for being swamped formed a precedent,
+no doubt, for a case of recent occurrence, in which an individual of
+average income, having been led away by a prophecy that the world had only
+two more years to run, invested the whole of his property in the largest
+possible annuity he could procure for two years, being under the firm
+impression that beyond that time neither he nor his heirs, executors, or
+assigns would have the opportunity of enjoying a farthing of any surplus.
+As the world did not keep the appointment that had been made for it by the
+calculator of its final arrangements, he was left without a penny when the
+time he had assigned for its duration was up; and thus many had got rid of
+everything in 1525, under the expectation that all their sorrows and
+possessions would be drowned in the inundation that did&mdash;not happen.
+</p>
+<p>
+During the time the panic prevailed, a few of the tradesmen and artificers
+did their best to put it to a profitable account, and a turner of the
+time, who was so clever at his business that he could turn a penny out of
+anything, constructed several thousand pairs of stilts, and, placing them
+in his window labelled "Stilts for the inundation," he obtained numerous
+customers.
+</p>
+<p>
+Wolsey's attention was suddenly called off from matters at home by a fresh
+vacancy in the popedom, occasioned by the death of Adrian.
+</p>
+<p>
+The English cardinal immediately despatched a letter to his royal master,
+saying how unfit he was for the pontificate, when Henry, instantly taking
+the hint, and saying to himself, "Oh! ah! exactly! I see what Wolsey
+wants," wrote off strongly to Rome in favour of his election. Powerful
+efforts were made to secure his return and push him to the top of the
+poll, but though he got several votes, he was completely beaten by Giulio
+de Medici, who was elected to the papal chair by a very large majority.
+Wolsey bore his disappointment, to all appearances, exceedingly well, but
+the probability is that he saw the policy of keeping on good terms with
+the new pope, who made the cardinal his legate for life, and granted him a
+bull empowering him to suppress a number of monasteries, for the purpose
+of taking the money they possessed to endow his own colleges.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0144" id="linkimage-0144"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figright" style="width:30%;">
+<img src="images/396m.jpg" alt="396m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/396.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+Henry and Wolsey declared that the cash should be devoted to "putting
+down" that "Monster Luther," as they sometimes called him, or that "fellow
+Luther," as they spoke of him now and then, by way of change, though his
+fellow did not exist at the period when the term was applied to him. Among
+the many irons that Henry now had in the fire was an Italian iron, with
+which he stood a pretty fair chance of burning his fingers, for he had
+interfered in the disputes between Francis the First of France and the
+Emperor Charles, who was at war in Italy. Francis had laid himself down on
+the pavement before Pavia, resolved to leave no stone unturned to place a
+curb on the foe and pave his own way to victory. As he lay under the
+walls, the cream of the Imperial army was poured down upon him with a
+savage violence that causes the blood to curdle at the bare recital.
+Thoroughly soured in his hopes, Francis plunged into the very thick of the
+Imperial cream, and beating around him with his sword in all directions,
+reduced seven men, with his own hand, to the inanimate condition of
+whipped syllabubs. His valour availed him little, for he was removed&mdash;to
+adopt the spelling of the period&mdash;in custardy. He was kept in
+captivity in Spain, at the strong fortress of Pizzichitone, from which he
+wrote home to his mother&mdash;probably for the means of replenishing his
+<i>sac de nuit</i>&mdash;and concluded his note with the memorable words,"<i>Tout
+est perdu hors l'honneur</i>," which, for the benefit of that portion of
+the public who may have learnt their "French without a master," and have,
+consequently, never mastered it at all, we translate into "All is lost,
+excepting honour."
+</p>
+<p>
+Francis being now completely down, Henry and Wolsey proposed to Charles
+that they should combine in making the very most of the helpless position
+of their prostrate enemy. Fortunately for the French king, his two
+opponents were not only deficient in funds, but had begun to quarrel; on
+the old principle, perhaps, that when Poverty stalks in at the door, Love
+hops out at the window. The pay of Charles's forces had fallen fearfully
+into arrear, and they declared they would no longer go on fighting on half
+salaries. It was therefore determined to bring the military season to a
+close; and the grand ballet of action, having for its plot the invasion of
+France&mdash;of which Henry had drawn out the scheme, and which was to
+have put forward the strength of a double company, comprising a powerful
+combination of the English and Imperial <i>troupe</i>&mdash;was postponed
+for an indefinite period.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry, who was ready to sell himself to either party, finding Charles too
+poor to purchase him, offered himself without reserve to Francis. Terms
+were soon arranged, by which Henry was to receive by instalments two
+millions of crowns, with a permanent annuity when the chief sum was paid
+off; and Wolsey was also handsomely provided for&mdash;at least in the
+shape of promises. While the agreement was most solemnly ratified by
+Francis himself and the chief of the French nobility, the Attorney and
+Solicitor-General of France privately popped a protest on to the file, in
+order that the king, who was particular about his honour, might not have
+his scruples shocked should he subsequently feel disposed to break his
+word and fly off from his agreement. He found considerable difficulty in
+effecting his release without swearing to at least a dozen things he never
+intended to perform, and when the document was brought to him, full of
+concessions to Charles, he affixed his signature with the indifference of
+a man putting his name to a bill, regardless of the amount, which he does
+not mean to liquidate. He had no sooner got out of custody, and found
+himself comfortably seated before his palace fire, than Sir Thomas Cheney
+and Dr. Taylor walked in with a message from Henry the Eighth, to
+congratulate Francis on his delivery. "If you'll take my advice," said one
+of the visitors, at the same time handing his card, with
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+Dr. Taylor,
+
+<i>Jurist.</i>
+</pre>
+<p>
+upon it, to give weight to his words, "you will pay no attention to the
+liabilities you have entered into with regard to the Emperor."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Indeed, Doctor, I don't mean to trouble myself upon the subject," was the
+king's reply; "and in fact I have kept up a running accompaniment of
+private protests to every obligation I have undertaken." Dr. Taylor
+explained to him that he was on the safe side, for the bonds he had given
+were bad in law, having been executed while the king was under duress, and
+therefore not legally responsible. Thus did the chivalrous Francis, who
+had written so nobly about having lost everything except his honour,
+present an early instance, of which later times have furnished so many, of
+the largest talkers being the smallest doers, or perhaps rather the
+greatest dos in the universe.
+</p>
+<p>
+We have now to relate a curious personal anecdote of Henry the Eighth,
+which might have caused a considerable abridgment of his reign, much in
+the same way that the want of strength in the bowl in which the three wise
+men of Gotha went to sea, put a premature period to their little history.
+* Henry, in his early manhood, was one day running after a hawk, perhaps
+to put a little salt on its tail in the idle hope of catching it. The bird
+was actively retreating before its royal pursuer, and had just quitted a
+hedge by hopping the twig, when it traversed a ditch on the other side,
+which Henry endeavoured to clear by the aid of his leaping-pole. The
+attempt somehow failed, and the monarch pitching on to his head in the
+soft mud, sunk into it as far as his neck, and became planted with his
+legs in the air for several seconds. Happily a footman named Edmund Moody&mdash;"You
+all know Tom Moody" though you may never have heard of Edmund&mdash;came
+up at the instant and pulled the king up from the ground by the roots&mdash;at
+least by the roots of his hair&mdash;with wondrous promptitude. Had this
+accident proved fatal, Henry would have been the first instance of a
+monarch losing his crown by being planted instead of supplanted, which had
+been the fate of some that had preceded him.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* "Three wise men of Gotha
+Went to sea in a bowl;
+Had the bowl been stronger
+My story would have been longer."
+&mdash;Old Nursery Ballad.
+
+Though the fact is not stated, the inference clearly is,
+that the "wise men" bowled themselves out of existence by
+that rash proceeding.
+</pre>
+<p>
+It is now time for us to speak of the commencement of that spirit of
+Bluebeardism which ultimately gave the most glaring colouring to Henry's
+character. He had always been a little flighty and indiscriminate in his
+attentions to the fair sex, but he had hitherto treated Catherine with
+respect, until he met with Anne Boleyn, or Bullen, the daughter of Sir
+Thomas Boleyn, who was descended from a former Lord Mayor of London, but
+by a series of clever match-making&mdash;a talent for which was inherited
+by Miss Anne&mdash;the family had succeeded in allying itself, by
+marriage, to some of the proudest aristocracy in the land.
+</p>
+<p>
+One of their earliest "dodges" had been to repair the plebeian word
+Bullen, by omitting the U and substituting an O, which got it to Bollen.
+In the course of time, having been allowed an inch in the way of licence,
+they took an L, or at least one liquid absorbed another, and the word now
+stood Bolen. Subsequently a Y, without a why or wherefore, was dropped in,
+and the Bullens, who had probably acquired their name, originally, from
+having been landlords, or perhaps potboys, at the "Bull," had now assumed
+the comparatively elegant title of Boleyn, which has since become so
+famous in history. Sir Thomas Boleyn, the father of Nancy, had long lived
+about the Court, and had been employed as a deliverer of messages, or
+ticket-porter, for Henry the Eighth, on some important occasions. Anne,
+who was born in the year 1507, had in very early life gone out to service
+as maid&mdash;of honour&mdash;to the king's sister, Mary, who, when going
+over to be married to Louis the Twelfth, took the girl abroad, where she
+picked up a few accomplishments. On Mary's returning home, a widow, Anne
+Boleyn found another situation with Claude, the wife of Francis the First,
+but after remaining in another family or two for a short time in France,
+she returned to England, where we find her, in 1527, engaged as maid of
+honour to Catherine of Aragon.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry having become deeply enamoured of Miss Boleyn, who had shown a
+strong determination to stand no nonsense, was suddenly seized with
+religious scruples as to his marriage with the queen; for he found out,
+seventeen years after the event, that he had done wrong in allying himself
+with his brother's widow. The fact of her being now an oldish lady of
+forty-three added no doubt considerably to the pious horror of the king at
+the step which he had taken. He accordingly began to think seriously of a
+divorce; and when Wolsey was sounded on the subject, the cardinal, for
+reasons of his own, yielded a prompt concurrence. He was anxious to pay
+off Catherine on account of a quarrel he had had with her nephew, the
+emperor; and thus, in the words of the poet of Dumbarton Castle,
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+"He sought to consummate his fiendish part
+By breaking a defenceless female's heart."
+</pre>
+<p>
+He was sent as an ambassador to Francis, ostensibly to arrange about the
+marriage of Henry's only daughter Mary, but really, as it is believed, to
+induce the French king to consent that Wolsey should be a sort of acting
+pope during the investment of the castle of St. Angelo, where the
+Spaniards and Germans had made the real pontiff a prisoner.
+</p>
+<p>
+Poor Clement bore his ill fortune with patience, though, as long as the
+investment of the castle lasted, he used to say it was one of the most
+unprofitable investments in which he had ever been involved, and that
+nothing but the excessive tightness prevented him from selling out, for he
+was quite tired of the security.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0033" id="link2HCH0033"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE FOURTH. HENRY THE EIGHTH (CONTINUED.)
+</h2>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>HE reign of Henry the Eighth would become tedious were it not for the
+privilege we have assumed in dividing it into chapters; though we shall
+not follow the example of the melodramatists who suppose fifteen years to
+have elapsed between each of their acts, and thus carry on their plots by
+means of the imagination of their audience. It is true that many of the
+events of Henry's reign are dark enough to cause a wish that we might be
+allowed to omit them; but we must not give up to squeamishness what we owe
+to posterity.
+</p>
+<p>
+We have not yet come to the catalogue of his various female victims, and
+we have yet to describe those matrimonial freaks upon which we would
+gladly have put a ban by forbidding the banns, had we lived three
+centuries in advance of our present existence. We must, however, speak the
+truth; and though we might imitate the author of the play called <i>The
+Wife of Seven Husbands</i>, who requested the public to consider that a
+husband had elapsed between each act, we will not call upon our readers to
+imagine that a wife of Henry the Eighth has elapsed between each chapter.
+</p>
+<p>
+We will now resume our narrative, and in the first place look after
+Wolsey, whom we left under orders to proceed to the French dominions; and
+as the cardinal must by this time have commenced the passage across, we
+will take him at once out of his unpleasant position, and land him at
+Boulogne.
+</p>
+<p>
+Wolsey's reception in France was like that of a royal personage, and had
+all the inconveniences of such a compliment; for the firing of the guns at
+Boulogne frightened his mule, who had not been trained to stand fire, and
+who indulged in a kick-up of the most, extraordinary character.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0145" id="linkimage-0145"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/401m.jpg" alt="401m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/401.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+This interview with Francis resulted in three treaties, which were
+concluded on the 18th of August, 1527, * by the first of which it was
+agreed that the Princess Mary should marry young Francis, Duke of Orleans,
+instead of old Francis, his father, a point that had hitherto been an open
+question; the second treaty concluded a peace, and the third stipulated
+that nothing done by the pope during his captivity should take effect, but
+that as long as Clement was in durance, which it required all his
+fortitude to endure, Wolsey should have the management of ecclesiastical
+affairs in England. The pope himself good-naturedly sent over a bull to
+confirm the cardinal in his new powers; and "here certainly," says Lord
+Herbert, "began the taste our king took of governing, in chief, the
+clergy." His lordship might have added with truth that Wolsey had
+performed the wonderful physical feat of biting off his own nose to be
+revenged upon the rest of his face, for it is certain that the taste Henry
+had been encouraged to take of power over the church soon led him to be
+discontented with a mere snack, for his appetite grew fearfully by what it
+fed upon. Like the modest dropper-in at dinner-time, who sits down to take
+"just a mouthful," and is led on to the consumption of a hearty meal,
+Henry, who at first simply intended to pick a bit from the power of the
+pope, soon became a cormorant of church influence. Henry's thoughts were
+seriously occupied with the design of getting a divorce, and he therefore
+pretended to be in great alarm as to the succession to the throne, in
+consequence of a "public doubt" as to his marriage being lawful and the
+Princess Mary being legitimate.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Lord Herbert's "Life of Henry the Eighth," p. 160 of the
+quarto edition, 1741.
+</pre>
+<p>
+There is no question that the wish was in this instance father to the
+thought, and that, so far from Henry's desiring to silence all discussion
+on the point, he was the first to encourage the criticism of his wife's
+and his daughter's position. Notwithstanding his notorious flirtation with
+Anne Boleyn, which the forward minx decidedly encouraged, he pretended to
+be looking out for an eligible <i>parti</i> in the event of his marriage
+with Catherine of Aragon being officially nullified. He had a picture sent
+over to him of the Duchess of Alanson, sister to Francis, and used to
+pretend that he should probably set his cap at that lady; but the picture
+was a mere blind, or probably in a very short time it experienced a worse
+fate than that of a blind by being turned into a fire-board or consigned
+to a lumber-room.
+</p>
+<p>
+The love-making of Henry the Eighth and Anne Boleyn was a mixture of
+mawkishness, childishness, hypocrisy, and scholastic pedantry, tinctured
+with an affectation of religion that was not the least disgusting feature
+of this disgraceful courtship. Henry used to write love-letters full of
+extracts from Thomas Aquinas, complaints of headache, reference to pious
+books, and sickly sentimentalism about "mine own sweet heart," while the
+good-for-nothing Nancy B. would reply by sending him pretty little toys
+and pretty little words of encouragement. She had made good use of her
+time in Wolsey's absence, for, when the cardinal came back, the king, in
+answer to his own question, "Guess who's the gal of my 'art?" which his
+friend gave up, enthusiastically responded, "Anne Boleyn."
+</p>
+<p>
+The already corpulent monarch was stupidly and spoonily love-sick about
+this "artful puss," as Catherine might have called her, and he used to
+leave scraps of paper about the palace scribbled over with charades,
+conundrums, ana anagrams to the object of his admiration. * Wolsey was a
+good deal annoyed by this avowal, but, finding his opposition would do no
+good, he changed his tack and fell in with the sovereign's fancy. Henry
+ordered him to consult Sir Thomas More, who, not at all liking the job,
+referred him politely to St. Jerome and St. Augustine, saying it was more
+in their way than his own, and he felt any interference on his part would
+be irregular and unprofessional. Wolsey next tried the bishops, who shook
+their heads and said, "You had better ask the pope," to whom the king at
+last determined upon a reference.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+*  One of these has been preserved; it is to the following
+effect:&mdash;"My first is the article indefinite (An); my second
+is a very useful animal (Bull); my third is the abode of
+hospitality (Inn); and my whole is the 'gal of my art '&mdash;
+An(n) Buli-Inn (Anne Boleyn)."
+</pre>
+<p>
+The pope, whom we left locked up in the castle of St. Angelo, had been
+obliged to "come out of that" for want of provisions, and had escaped in
+the disguise of a gardener, in which a shovel hat may have been of some
+use to him. He played his cards so well as the one of spades, that, with
+the assistance of one or two true hearts who turned out trumps, he reached
+in safety the town of Orvieto, where he expected reinforcement from a
+French army. Long before the promised aid arrived, he received a card
+inscribed "Dr. Knight," and he had scarcely time to say, "Doctor Knight?
+Who is Doctor Knight? I don't know any Doctor Knight," when the king of
+England's secretary, who bore that name, rushed into the presence of the
+pontiff. The doctor, having briefly explained his object in coming, which
+was to get the pope's consent to Henry's divorce, succeeded in extracting
+the requisite authority from his holiness, who was very unwilling, but he
+could not keep back his bull without finding himself on the horns of a
+worse dilemma. He at all events wished the matter to be kept secret for a
+short time; but a friend of Wolsey stepped forward to stipulate that an
+Italian cardinal should be sent to England with Dr. Knight, to prove that
+the document he took with him was genuine. Poor Clement, being afraid to
+refuse compliance, pointed to half-a-dozen cardinals standing in one
+corner, and hurriedly observed, "There, there, Dr. Knight, take any one of
+those, for the whole six are quite at your service." In conformity with
+this permission, Cardinal Campeggio was selected to visit England, and he
+carried with him in his pocket a decree, rendering final any judgment that
+he and Wolsey might agree upon.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the arrival of Campeggio a public entry into London was proposed: but
+he excused himself on the score of gout, which had laid him by the heels,
+or rather seized him by the great toe, and prevented him from coming into
+the metropolis on the footing that he might have desired. After spending a
+few days with his leg in a sling, he was introduced to the king, whom he
+greatly irritated by advising that the business of the divorce should not
+be proceeded with. Henry began declaring that he had been deceived, and
+that the pope was an old humbug, which caused the gouty leg of the legate
+to tremble in its shoe; and, taking the bull from his pocket, he showed
+that the pontiff meant business, and had given full authority for
+transacting it.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry's desire for a divorce got soon rumoured about the city, and caused
+so much dissatisfaction that he called a meeting of the judges, lord
+mayor, common council, and others, at which it was announced that his
+majesty would attend to give explanations, and enter into a justification
+of his conduct. He made an elaborate speech of the most artful and
+hypocritical kind, in which he asserted that his religious scruples alone
+made him agitate the question of a divorce, and that if his marriage was
+valid, nothing would give him greater pleasure than to finish his life in
+the society of the old lady who had been for many years the partner of his
+existence. It is notorious that he had made up his mind to desert
+Catherine for Anne Boleyn; and his speech is therefore a disgusting
+specimen of low cunning, rendered doubly odious by the religious cant with
+which it was accompanied.
+</p>
+<p>
+The unhappy queen, when visited by Wolsey and Campeggio, exclaimed at
+once, "I know what you have come about." She said she thought it hard to
+have her marriage doubted after nearly twenty years; and spoke
+pathetically of those early days when she was in the habit of going out
+a-Maying with her royal husband.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0146" id="linkimage-0146"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/404m.jpg" alt="404m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/404.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+"Ah, madam!" replied Wolsey, "if we could have May all the year round, it
+would be pleasant enough; but the spring of the year, as well as the
+spring-time of existence, is not perpetual." Catherine acknowledged she
+was not so young as she had been, and the English cardinal ventured to
+hint, that, even in those Maying days, she had the advantage of Henry&mdash;at
+least, if there can be any advantage to a lady who is her husband's
+senior. Finding pathos of no use, she proceeded to argument, and
+endeavoured to show that Henry had almost lost his claim to a divorce by
+mere <i>laches</i>, in having so long neglected to apply for one. The two
+cardinals only shook their heads, as if they would say, "I can't see much
+in that;" and she then ventured to take another ground for opposing her
+husband's project. She complained that her husband had paid for the
+licence and dispensation from the pope, but that the dispensation might be
+dispensed with as valueless, if one could supersede another at the
+instigation of the great and powerful against the comparatively friendless
+and impotent. At length, losing all temper and patience, she turned to
+Wolsey, taxing him with having "done it all;" when the wily cardinal did
+nothing but bow and smile in general terms, placing his hand upon his
+heart, muttering out, "Pon honour!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Nothing of the sort!" and giving other similar assurances that he had in
+no way instigated the conduct pursued by Henry.
+</p>
+<p>
+The preliminary meeting to which we have referred was held in the Hall of
+the Black Friars, on the 31st of May, 1529; and an adjournment till the
+21st of June having taken place, Wolsey and Campeggio were at their posts
+at the appointed hour. Henry and Catherine were both in attendance; and
+the former, when his name was called, gave a terrific shout of "Here!"
+which had a startling effect upon the whole assembly. Catherine, though
+she might be considered upon her trial, was accommodated with a seat on
+the left of the bench, and was attended by four friendly bishops, who had
+come in the amiable capacity of moral bottle-holders to this injured
+woman. When her name was called she refused to answer, or to say a word;
+but the dignity of the queen soon gave way to the volubility of the woman,
+and her tongue started off into a gallop of the most touching eloquence.
+She commenced in the old style of appeal, by throwing herself at the
+king's feet, presuming perhaps, that if he had a tender point it might be
+upon his toes, and she should thus make sure of touching it. She then
+implored his compassion, as a woman and a stranger, concluding with a
+happy alliterative effect by declaring herself "a friendless female
+foreigner."
+</p>
+<p>
+At the conclusion of a very powerful speech she rose slowly, and when it
+was expected she would return to her seat, she marched deliberately out of
+the hall, to the great amazement of the quartette of bishops by whom she
+had been accompanied. Henry was a little staggered by what had occurred;
+but he nevertheless made a reply, which was partly inaudible from the
+flurry of the king himself, and the consternation into which the Court had
+been thrown by the queen's very telling speech, and highly dramatic exit.
+He was understood to say, that he had a very high respect for the
+distinguished lady who had just addressed them; that she was a very good
+wife; that he had in fact no fault to find; but that really his scruples
+as to the lawfulness of his marriage had made him very uncomfortable. He
+remarked that his conscience was so exceedingly delicate that it could not
+bear the slightest shock; and here indeed he seems to have spoken the
+truth, for his conscience appears to have died altogether within a very
+short time of the occurrence we have mentioned.
+</p>
+<p>
+Catherine's departure from the Court turned out to be final, for nothing
+could induce her to enter it again; and, being pronounced contumacious,
+the proceedings were carried on in her absence. The two cardinals, out of
+regard to her majesty's interests, requested Dr. Taylor&mdash;an aged
+junior in the back rows&mdash;to hold a brief for the defendant, and
+examine the witnesses: a proposition at which the learned gentleman
+jumped, for he had previously been occupying his own mind and the official
+ink in sketching the scene before him on the desk, or handing down his
+name to posterity by cutting it out on the bench with a pocket penknife.
+Dr. Taylor, if he had practised little before, had quite enough to do on
+the occasion that brought him into notice, for Lord Herbert, in his "Life
+and Reign of Henry the Eighth," gives a list of thirty-seven witnesses for
+the plaintiff, all of whom our venerable junior had the task of
+cross-examining. Some idea may be formed of the magnitude of this
+achievement, when it is stated that several of the witnesses were ladies,
+and that the evidence of the first of them&mdash;namely, Mary, Countess of
+Essex&mdash;is summed up in the report as having amounted to "little,"
+though conveyed in "general terms."
+</p>
+<p>
+There is something truly overwhelming in the idea which this slight
+summary conveys; for it is impossible that the imagination can set any
+limits to the "little" a lady can contrive to say when she avails herself
+of "general terms" to give it utterance. Cardinal Campeggio evinced a
+decided reluctance to bring the matter to a decision, though Henry's case
+was undoubtedly well supported by evidence; and old Taylor being,
+professionally speaking, a young hand, was able to do little for his
+absent client. The king at length grew angry at Campeggio's delay, and
+instructed counsel to move for judgment, which was accordingly done on the
+23rd of July in a somewhat peremptory manner. The Italian cardinal refused
+the motion, and intimated that he would not be bullied by any man, "be he
+king or any other potentate." He then went on to say, that "he was an old
+man, sick, decayed, and daily looking for death:" which certainly gave no
+reason for delay; and a whisper to that effect went no doubt round the
+bar, and was caught up by Henry's counsel, who "humbly submitted" that "if
+the Court expected to be soon defunct, there must be the stronger reason
+for fixing an early day for its decision." Cardinal Campeggio got up
+somewhat angrily, and intimated that the cause must be made a "<i>remanet</i>;"
+that in fact it must stand over until next term, as he was not disposed to
+continue his sittings. "Is your lordship aware," asked Sampson, K.C.,
+"that you will throw us over the long vacation? for we are now only in
+July, and the next term begins in October." The cardinal, who was half-way
+towards the robing-room, turned sharply round to observe that "the Court
+was virtually up," and that "he really wished gentlemen of the bar would
+observe more regularity in their proceedings." Sampson, K.C., had
+nevertheless got as far as "Will your lordship allow us?" in another
+attempt to be heard, when Campeggio, growling out furiously, "I can hear
+nothing now, Mr. Sampson," retired angrily to his private apartment.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* The King's leading counsel was Richard Sampson, with whom
+was John Bell,&mdash;Lord Herbert's "Life of Henry the Eighth,"
+p. 205,
+</pre>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0147" id="linkimage-0147"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/408m.jpg" alt="408m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/408.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The Court never met again, and Campeggio left England a few days
+afterwards, having first taken leave of the king, who kept his temper and
+behaved very decently. He even gave a few presents to the refractory
+cardinal, but, as the latter lay at Dover previous to embarkation, his
+bedroom door was burst open, his trunks were rummaged, and probably all
+his presents were taken away again.
+</p>
+<p>
+Wolsey, who had been associated in the hearing of the great cause, Henry
+versus Catherine, or the Queen at the suit of the King, fell into instant
+disgrace for the part he had taken, or, rather, for the part he had
+omitted to take, upon this momentous occasion. Miss Anne Boleyn, who had
+calculated on his keeping Campeggio up to the mark in pronouncing for the
+divorce, was especially angry with Wolsey for his apathy. Even the
+courtiers got up a joke upon the supineness of the English cardinal by
+calling him the supine in(h)um, while Campeggio was compared to the gerund
+in <i>do</i>, by reason of his active duplicity, through which he was
+declared to have regularly done the English sovereign. Many of the
+nobility attempted to excite the avarice of Henry by hinting to him that
+Wolsey's overthrow would be a good speculation, if only for the sake of
+obtaining the wealth he had managed to accumulate; and from this moment
+the cardinal stood in the precarious position of a turkey that is only
+crammed to await the favourable opportunity for sacrifice.
+</p>
+<p>
+Soon after the trial of his cause, in which he thought proper to assume
+that he was entitled to a verdict, Henry set off on a tour, accompanied by
+Miss Anne Boleyn, who, in spite of Hume's panegyric on her "virtue and
+modesty," appears to have been what is commonly called a very pretty
+character. Wolsey was not invited to be of the party, but he rode after
+the Court, for he was one of those hangers-on that are not to be shaken
+off very easily. He came up with the king at Grafton, in Northamptonshire,
+and was very kindly received, but the next morning he was told distinctly
+that he was not wanted in the royal suite, and that he might go back to
+London, after which he never saw his master's face again. * Henry, being
+anxious to ruin his late favourite <i>selon les r�gles</i>, took the very
+decisive method of going to law with him. Two bills were filed against the
+cardinal in the King's Bench, but Wolsey, nevertheless, proceeded to the
+Court of Chancery to take his seat, just as if nothing had happened. None
+of the servants of the Court paid him any respect, and it is probable that
+even the mace-bearer, the ushers, and other officers omitted the customary
+ceremonies of preceding him with the mace, and crying out, "Pray,
+silence!" upon his entrance. On his expressing his readiness to take
+motions, he was responded to by one general motion towards the door, in
+which the whole bar joined. Being thus left quite alone, he amused himself
+by giving judgment in some old suit which had lasted so long that the
+parties were all dead, and he consoled himself by saying that this
+accounted for the fact of nobody appearing on either side.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Cavendish.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The king, hearing of the cardinal's proceedings, gave orders that he
+should be forbidden the Court altogether, and when he went to take his
+seat, as usual, he found the doors closed against him. When he got home to
+York Place, where he resided, he was told that two gentlemen were waiting
+to see him, and, on going upstairs, the Dukes of Suffolk and Norfolk
+requested to have a few words with him. They told him that the king
+intended to come and live at York Place, so that Wolsey must "turn out,"
+to which he made no objection; but when they insolently and tauntingly
+demanded the Great Seal, he declared he would not trust it in their
+possession without a written authority. "How do I know what you are going
+to do with it?" cried the cardinal, holding it firmly in his grasp, and
+returning it to the sealskin case in which he was in the habit of keeping
+it. The two dukes, having exhausted their vocabulary of abuse, retired for
+that day, but came back the next morning with an order, signed by the
+king, for the delivery of the Great Seal, which Wolsey gave up to them,
+together with an inventory of the furniture and fixtures of the
+magnificent abode he was about to vacate in favour of his sovereign.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0148" id="linkimage-0148"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/410m.jpg" alt="410m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/410.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The catalogue exhibited a long list of luxurious appointments, and
+commencing with "a splendid set of curtains of cloth of gold," * went on
+with&mdash;a ditto&mdash;a ditto&mdash;and a ditto, down to the end of the
+three first pages. The neatness and variety of his table-covers cannot be
+conceived, and his magnificent sideboard of gold and silver plate was in
+those days unparalleled. He had got also a thousand pieces of fine
+Holland; but as the chief use of Holland is, we believe, to make blinds,
+as must regard the purchase of this material in so large a quantity, as
+one of those blind bargains which are sometimes the result of excessive
+opulence. Having made over all those articles to the king, Wolsey left his
+sumptuous palace, and jumping into a barge, desired the bargeman to drop
+him down with the tide towards Putney. The river was crowded with boats to
+see him shove off, and he was assailed with the most savage yells from the
+populace. As the bargeman gave Wolsey his hand and pulled him on board,
+the poor cardinal stumbled over a block of Wallsend, when an inhuman shout
+of "That's right, haul him over the coals," arose from one unfeeling
+brute, and was echoed by countless multitudes.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Herbert's "Life of Henry the Eighth," and Hume's "History
+of England."
+</pre>
+<p>
+On reaching Putney, Wolsey gave the word to "pull her in shore," when he
+disembarked, with his fool and one or two others who had agreed to share
+his exile. They had not gone very far when they heard a cry of "Ho! hoi
+hilly hilly hoi" and looking back, they perceived Sir John Norris coming
+full pelt after them. The cardinal was mounted on a mule&mdash;hired
+probably at Putney, or picked off the common&mdash;and though he
+endeavoured to put the animal along by giving her first her own head, and
+then the head of a thick stick, the rise of a hill brought Wolsey to a
+dead stand-still. Here he was easily overtaken by Sir John Norris, who
+came, as it turned out, with a present of a ring from the king's own
+finger, and a "comfortable message." The abject cardinal went into the
+most humiliating ecstasies, and actually grovelled in the very mud, to
+show his humble sense of the kindness and condescension of his sovereign.
+Thinking that Sir John Norris possibly expected something for his trouble
+in bringing the grateful tidings, Wolsey shook his head mournfully,
+saying, "I have nothing left except the clothes on my back&mdash;but here,
+take this"&mdash;and he tore from his neck an old piece of jewellery. "As
+for my sovereign," he cried, "I have nothing worthy of his acceptance;"
+when suddenly his eyes lighted upon his faithful fool, who had been such a
+thorough fool as to follow a fallen master. "Ha!" exclaimed Wolsey, "I
+will send to his majesty my jester, who is worth a thousand pounds to
+anybody who has never heard his jokes before; but as I am familiar with
+the entire collection, I have no further use for him." The faithful fool
+was exceedingly reluctant to go, and it took six stout yeomen * to drag
+him away&mdash;a fact which, as he was full of wit, proves the humour of
+the period to have been dreadfully ponderous. Some of the jests of our own
+time are heavy enough, but we doubt whether it would require half-a-dozen
+porters to carry a professed wag of the present day&mdash;including the
+Durden of his entire stock-in-trade&mdash;into the presence of royalty. It
+is not impossible that the obstinate resistance of the fool to a transfer
+from the service of a disgraced subject to that of a powerful king, may
+have been intended as a sample of his style of joking; but we can only say
+that if this was a specimen of his wit, the value set upon him by his old
+master was rather exorbitant.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Lord Herbert, 293.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Wolsey now lodged at Esher, where his spirits soon fell&mdash;if we may be
+allowed an engineering phrase&mdash;to a very dumpy level. Continual
+sighing had fearfully reduced his size, and he fretted so much that a sort
+of fret-work of tears seemed to be always hanging to his eye-lashes. His
+face became wrinkled and pale, as if constant crying had not only
+intersected his countenance with little channels, but had likewise washed
+out all its colour. It is not unlikely that he sometimes regretted having
+parted with his fool, whose dry humour might have mitigated the moisture
+or subdued the soaking which naturally resulted from the emptying of so
+many cups of sorrow over the dismal drooping and dripping cardinal.
+Nothing seemed to rouse him from his despondency, and the people about him
+could never succeed in stirring him up to a fit of even temporary gaiety.
+After dinner they would sometimes ask him to partake of a bowl of sack;
+but at the mere mention of the word sack he would burst into tears, and
+sob out, that the sack he had already received had been the cause of all
+his wretchedness. Upon this he would leave the dinner table, and wander
+forth to enjoy his solitary whine in the wood, among the thickly planted
+solitudes in the neighbourhood of Esher. Sometimes he would sit pining for
+hours under a favourite pine, or would go and indulge in a weeping match
+with one of the most lachrymose he could find of weeping willows. All this
+crying brought on a crisis at last, and Wolsey had so damped all his vital
+energies by the incessant showers of tears he let fall, that he fell into
+a slow fever.
+</p>
+<p>
+The king now seemed to take some compassion upon his former friend, and
+sent down a medical man to see the prostrate cardinal; though we are
+inclined to attribute this anxiety for his health to a desire to keep him
+alive until the process was complete for depriving him of all his
+property. At all events a Parliament was suddenly summoned, and a Bill of
+impeachment promptly prepared against the fallen and feeble Wolsey.
+</p>
+<p>
+There were no less than four-and-forty articles in this document, which
+contained, among a variety of other ridiculous accusations, a charge of
+having, when ill with fever, "come whispering daily in the king's ear, and
+blowing upon his most noble grace with breath infective and perilous."
+This would, indeed, have been convicting him out of his own mouth; but
+though the Lords passed the bill, it was thrown out in the Commons,
+through a speech of Thomas Cromwell, who had been secretary to the
+unfortunate cardinal.
+</p>
+<p>
+Wolsey had always felt that when he did fall, he should fall not only as
+Shakespeare said, "like Lucifer," but like an entire box of lucifers,
+"never to rise again." Directly the cardinal learned that the bill had
+been defeated, his appetite returned, his cheeks resumed their colour, the
+furrows began to fill out, for grief had been at sad work with its plough
+all over his countenance. He had still a good deal of property left, but
+the king began tearing it away by handfuls at a time, until Wolsey had
+nothing left but the bishoprics of York and Winchester. Even these were a
+good deal impoverished by Henry, who made a series of snatches at the
+revenues, and divided the amount among Viscount Rochford, the father of
+Anne Boleyn&mdash;who used to say, "I am sure papa would like that,"
+whenever there was a good thing to be had&mdash;the Duke of Norfolk, and a
+few other lay cormorants. Wolsey was at length completely beggared, by
+treatment that was of such an impoverishing nature as really to beggar
+description. He had nothing left him but a free pardon, a little plate&mdash;including
+two table-spoons, which his enemies said were more than his desert,&mdash;a
+small van of furniture, comprising, among other articles, an arm-chair, in
+which he was tauntingly told he might set himself down comfortably for
+life, and a little cash for current expenses. He was allowed also to move
+nearer town, and giving up his lodgings at Esher he took an apartment at
+Richmond, where he was not permitted to remain very long, for Anne and her
+party&mdash;including several knights of the Star and Garter&mdash;persuaded
+Henry to order the cardinal off to his own archbishopric.
+</p>
+<p>
+The fallen prelate thought this forced journey so very hard that he tried
+to soften it by easy stages, and he travelled at the slowest possible
+pace, in the hope of being sent for back again. At every inn he entered
+for refreshment on the road he always left a request in the bar, that if
+anyone should ask for a gentleman of the name of Wolsey, the enquirer
+should be shown straight up, without the delay of an instant. Not a knock
+came to the door of his bedroom but he expected it was a messenger from
+the king; and when he found, in many cases, it was "only the boots," his
+disappointment would vent itself in terms of great bitterness. Adopting
+the customary mode of showing grief in those superstitious days, he took
+to wearing shirts made of horse-hair next his shin, but donkey's-hair
+would certainly have been more appropriate. He had, however, become so
+accustomed to hard rubs, that a little extra scarification was scarcely
+perceptible. On his arrival at York, he endeavoured to make himself
+neighbourly with the people about him, and became a sort of gentleman
+farmer, expressing the utmost interest in rural affairs. He made himself
+an universal favourite, and was the lion of every evening party within
+twelve miles of his residence. He was, however, scarcely a figure for
+these <i>r�unions</i>, in his horse-hair shirt; but he probably concealed
+the penitential part of his costume by wearing a camel's-hair waistcoat
+immediately over it.
+</p>
+<p>
+The clergy were always getting up little <i>f�tes</i>, of which he was the
+hero; and he was invited to the the ceremony of installation in his
+cathedral, which he promised to go through, on condition of the thing
+being done as quietly as possible. It was understood that there should be
+"no fuss," but several of the nobility and gentry sent contributions of
+cold meat and wine, forming themselves in fact into a provisional
+committee, so that the affair partook rather of the character of a picnic
+than of a pageant. Three days before it was to take place Wolsey was
+sitting at dinner, when there came a knock at the door, and it was
+announced that the Earl of Northumberland&mdash;his friend and pupil&mdash;was
+waiting in the courtyard. "Let him come up and do as we are doing,"
+exclaimed the cardinal. "Dear me, I wish he had been a little earlier; but
+he is just in pudding-time, at any rate." As Northumberland entered the
+room Wolsey seized him by the hand, entreating him to sit down and enjoy a
+social snack&mdash;or, in other words, go snacks in the humble dinner.
+Northumberland seemed affected, when Wolsey, continuing his meal,
+observed, "Well, you will not make yourself at home, and I can't make you
+out, so I may as well finish my dinner." At length Northumberland, with a
+tottering foot, a trembling hand, a quivering lip, a faltering tongue, and
+a tearful eye, approached his friend Wolsey, and threw himself with a
+heavy heart&mdash;adding at least a pound to his weight&mdash;upon the old
+man's bosom. Wolsey had scarcely time to exclaim, "Hold up!" when the
+earl, mournfully tapping the cardinal on the shoulder, murmured, in a
+voice completely macadamised with sobs, "My Lord&mdash;(oh, oh, oh!)&mdash;I
+arrest you" (here his voice became guttural from a perfect gutter of
+tears) "for high treason." Poor Wolsey remained rooted to the spot, but it
+was soon necessary to transplant him, and he was speedily removed in
+custody. His old weakness again came over him, for he began to leak again
+at both eyes, as if he carried the veritable New River Head under the hat
+of a cardinal. He of course made himself ill, and indeed he was frequently
+warned that if he continued much longer in this liquid state, he would
+liquidate the debt of nature altogether. The warning was verified very
+speedily, for on reaching Leicester Abbey, when the monks came to the door
+with a candle to light him to bed, he observed to the abbot, "Father, I am
+come to lay my bones among you." He died on the 29th of November, 1530, in
+the sixtieth year of his age, and was buried in Leicester Abbey.
+</p>
+<p>
+News of his death was at once dispatched to Henry, who was having a little
+archery practice at Hampton Court on the arrival of the messenger. The
+king continued his sport for some time, until the straw man, upon whom he
+was trying his skill, had become thoroughly trussed with arrows, when his
+majesty turned round with an abrupt "Now then, what is it?" to the bearer
+of the sad intelligence. At the tale of Wolsey's death Henry pretended to
+be much affected, but he soon recovered his spirits sufficiently to
+inquire whether a sum of �1500 had not been left by the cardinal. The king
+expressed a desire to administer to his lamented friend's effects, but
+when the discovery was made, that instead of having �1500 to leave, Wolsey
+had just borrowed and spent that amount, his royal master thought it as
+well to have nothing to do with the business. Poor Wolsey had been the
+unfortunate goose who might have continued laying golden eggs for a
+considerable time had not Henry out him prematurely up for the sake of
+immediate profit.
+</p>
+<p>
+We cannot part with Wolsey until we have dropped a few inky tears to his
+memory. We have already seen that his talents were considerable, but
+according to one of his biographers * he had a most elastic mind, or in
+other words he could "pull out" amazingly when occasion required.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Galt, p. 199, Rogue's European Library.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Some time before Wolsey's death a new ministry had been appointed, in
+which the family and friends of Anne Boleyn got very snug berths; but
+though in those days "any fool" could have a seat in the cabinet, it was
+necessary to have a chancellor of good abilities. The woolsack was
+literally in the market for a few days, until Henry thrust it on to the
+shoulders of Sir Thomas More, who would have declined the profitable
+burden, and who was somewhat averse to the Back of wool, because he felt
+that much of the material was obtained by fleecing the suitors. He,
+however, was persuaded to accept the dignity, or rather to undertake the
+burden, and he was even heard to say&mdash;by a gentleman who wishes to
+remain <i>incog.</i>&mdash;that he wished there were porters' knots for
+moral responsibilities as well as for actual weights, since it was
+exceedingly difficult to preserve one's uprightness beneath a load of
+dignity.
+</p>
+<p>
+Among the persons recently introduced to Court was Thomas Cranmer, who
+happened to have met Dr. Gardiner, the king's secretary, and Dr. Fox at a
+private dinner table. As the party sat over their wine, the divorce of
+Henry was brought upon the <i>tapis</i>, and Cranmer made the sagacious
+observation, that the proper way would be to have it looked into. Gardiner
+and Fox exchanged glances, as much as to say "Shrewd fellow, that;" and
+they both agreed that he was a wonderful man for his age&mdash;which it
+will be remembered was the sixteenth century. They endeavoured to bring
+him out, and upon a free circulation of the bottle, Cranmer gave it as his
+opinion that there was "only one course to pursue," that "the thing lay in
+a nutshell," that "it was as clear as A, B, C;" a series of sentiments
+which, though more knowing than conclusive, made a deep impression on Fox
+and Gardiner. "There's a great deal in that fellow," said Fox after
+Cranmer had gone home, and indeed there was a good deal in him, no doubt,
+for scarcely anything had been got out of him. The two doctors hastened to
+the king to inform him of the enormous catch they had got in Cranmer,
+whose winks, innuendos, and occasional ejaculations of "I see it all;"
+"Plain as a pike-staff," etc., etc., had made such a deep impression upon
+the two doctors. Henry was as much taken with their description of Cranmer
+as they had been with the original, and the king exclaimed in a perfect
+rhapsody, "That man has got the right sow by the ear;" * an expression
+which we are sufficiently pig-headed not to appreciate. It was arranged
+that Cranmer should be asked to dine at the palace; and after a good deal
+of desultory conversation, in which "Exactly," "I see it," "No question
+about it," were Cranmer's running fire of <i>ad captandum</i> remarks,
+Henry got so puzzled that he requested the gentleman to put his opinions
+in writing at his earliest convenience.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Todd's "Life of Cranmer," Tytller's "Life of Henry the
+Eighth," etc., etc.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The individual who had thus received instructions to act as pamphleteer in
+ordinary to the king, was sprung from an ancient family in
+Nottinghamshire, but he was destined for higher things than dragging out
+the thread of his existence in Notts, as we shall soon see when we proceed
+to unravel his history. His early education had been somewhat neglected,
+for his father was a sportsman, who took more delight in going out to
+shoot than in teaching the young idea how to follow his example. Young
+Cranmer's master was a severe priest, who ruled his pupils with a rod of
+iron, and thrashed them with a rod of a different material. He snapped
+many a whip over the young whipper-snappers, as he was in the habit of
+calling his youthful charges, who, at all events, became hardened by the
+salutary treatment they experienced.
+</p>
+<p>
+Cranmer applied himself with diligence to his studies, and in turn took
+pupils of his own at Cambridge, where he happened to meet one day at
+dinner with Fox and Gardiner, who, as we have already seen, introduced him
+to the sovereign. The pamphleteer elect to Henry the Eighth was lodged in
+the house of the Earl of Wiltshire, the father of Anne Boleyn, who used to
+lock the author up in a garret, with a pen and ink and something to drink,
+upon which he received instructions to "fire away" in support of the views
+of his master. Cranmer soon rattled off a treatise in which he smashed the
+pope, demolished every objection to Henry's divorce, and proved to the
+satisfaction of the king that he could do as he liked as to contracting a
+second marriage. "Would you say as much to the pope himself?" asked Henry
+of his literary man. "Ay, that I would, as soon as look at him," was the
+reply; upon which Cranmer was taken at his word, and sent off to Rome with
+old Boleyn, now the Earl of Wiltshire. As they entered the papal presence,
+Clement held out his toe to receive the usual homage, but the old earl
+positively declined to perform the humiliating ceremony, and after the
+pontiff had stood upon one leg for a considerable time, he found that he
+and his visitor must meet upon an equal footing. Cranmer, though not
+allowed a public disputation with the pope, took every opportunity of
+earwigging the people about him, and got many of them to admit that the
+king's marriage was illegal, though they would not acknowledge that his
+holiness had no power to give it validity. Though Cranmer's pamphlet had
+proved everything, it had done nothing, and Henry beginning to speak of
+his exertions as "all talk," another tool was required to carry out the
+royal project. This tool came originally from a blacksmith's shop in
+Putney, in the shape of one Thomas Cromwell, of whom it has since been
+said that he was a sharp file, who would cut right through a difficulty,
+while Cranmer was active enough in hammering away at a point, but his
+hitting the right nail upon the head was generally very dubious.
+</p>
+<p>
+The father of Cromwell did smiths' work in general, but nothing at all in
+particular, for he had amassed a decent fortune. His son was sent as a
+clerk to a factory at Antwerp, where he kept the books; but he soon
+abandoned accounts, in the hope of cutting a figure. He entered the army,
+and was present when Rome was made a bed of ruins, by getting a complete
+sacking. He next entered the counting-house of a merchant of Venice, who
+dealt in Venetian blinds and Venetian carpeting, but young Cromwell soon
+threw up the one and indignantly laid down the other. On arriving in
+London, he commenced the study of the law, and took chambers in Inner
+Temple Lane, which was, even at that early period, the grand mart of legal
+ability. Wolsey, who had lodgings over the gate hard by,* was in the habit
+of meeting Cromwell, who eventually became what is professionally termed
+"the devil" of that ingenious advocate.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* These lodgings still exist as Honey and Skelton's, the
+hair-dressers, who have preserved a series of interesting
+historical documents, among which may be seen Wolsey's first
+brief, and other curious relics.
+</pre>
+<p>
+On the fall of his senior, Cromwell contrived to keep just far enough off
+to prevent himself from being crushed by the weight of the unfortunate
+cardinal, and offering his services to the king, was immediately retained
+in the great cause of Henry the Eighth versus Catherine of Aragon, ex
+parte Anne Boleyn. By the advice of Cromwell the authority of the pope was
+set at defiance, and in 1532 a law was passed prohibiting the payment to
+him of first-fruits; "which do not mean," says Strype, "the earliest
+gooseberries, to enable his holiness to play at gooseberry fool, but the
+first profits of a benefice."
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry at last determined to cut the Gordian knot, by forming another tie,
+and in January, 1533, he solved the question of the divorce by marrying
+Anne Boleyn. The ceremony was performed in a garret at Whitehall, in the
+presence of Norris and Heneage, who were a couple of grooms, and of Mrs.
+Savage, the train-bearer of the bride, whose wedding came off much in the
+style of those clandestine affairs, in which the clerk gives the lady
+away, and the old pew-opener acts in the capacity of bridesmaid. Cranmer,
+who had lately arrived in town for the season, found a vacancy in the see
+of Canterbury, which he consented to fill up, without scrupling to take
+the usual oaths to the pope, though openly avowing himself a Protestant.
+Clement himself not only ratified the election of the man he knew was
+committing perjury, but even consented to make a reduction in the fees
+that were usual on similar occasions.
+</p>
+<p>
+Thus did these two precious humbugs humbug each other and their
+contemporaries; but the historian will not allow them any longer to humbug
+posterity. Cromwell swore obedience against his conscience, and intending
+to break his oath, but intent on obtaining the dignity which he could
+purchase by perjury, and Clement took a reduced fee, on the principle of
+half a loaf being better than no bread, from a man who, on the slightest
+opposition being offered to him, might have snapped his fingers at the
+papal chair as he did in his heart&mdash;if one can snap one's fingers in
+one's heart&mdash;at the papal authority. Thus did the great champions of
+Protestantism on one side, and Catholicism on the other, agree in a
+disgraceful arrangement, by which one sold his sacred authority for a
+pecuniary bribe, and the other bartered his conscience for a temporary
+dignity.
+</p>
+<p>
+It has been said by Cromwell's apologists, that he took his false oaths
+with a mental reservation; but if this excuse were allowed to prevail, the
+conscience would possess a salve as efficacious as that of the quack which
+was warranted to cure every disease from apoplexy to chilblains, and
+prevent the necessity of patients with delicate lungs from exporting
+themselves abroad to avoid the danger of being left for home consumption.
+</p>
+<p>
+The contemplation of so much hypocrisy, in such high quarters, having put
+us so thoroughly out of patience that we are unable to proceed, we break
+off here with the remark, that tergiversation and treachery have ever been
+common among even the highest in rank, and so we fear they will continue
+to be until&mdash;ha! ha!&mdash;the end of the chapter.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0034" id="link2HCH0034"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE FIFTH. HENRY THE EIGHTH (CONCLUDED).
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0149" id="linkimage-0149"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/418m.jpg" alt="418m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/418.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+HOUGH Henry the Eighth had already married Anne Boleyn, the little affair
+of the divorce from Catherine had not been quite settled, and, as it was
+just possible that his two wives might clash, he resolved to hurry on his
+legal separation from her, whom we may call, by way of distinction, the
+"old original." Cranmer, who was a very spaniel in his sneaking
+subservience to his royal master, was instantly set on to worry, as a cur
+worries a cat, the unhappy Catherine. A Court was immediately constituted,
+under the presidentship of Cranmer, to decide on the legality of her
+marriage, and the lady was cited to appear; but she did not attend, and,
+though summoned by her judges fifteen times, the more they kept on calling
+the more she kept on not coming. Difficult as it is in general to
+anticipate what a judicial decision will be, the judgment in the case of
+the King <i>ex parte</i> Anne Boleyn <i>versus</i> Catherine of Aragon
+might be foreseen very easily. The marriage was, of course, pronounced
+illegal, and Cranmer wrote to Henry on the 12th of May, 1533, to say that
+he had just had the pleasure of pronouncing the "old lady" <i>vere et
+manifest� contumax</i>. The Court declared she had never been married to
+Henry, but was the widow of the Prince of Wales, to whose title she must
+in future restrict herself. When the news was brought to her, she
+exclaimed indignantly, "Not married to the king? Marry come up, indeed!"
+and the wretchedness of the pun speaks volumes for the misery to which she
+had been reduced by her enemies.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry, wishing to make the work complete, and aware that <i>finis coronat
+opus</i>, determined that a coronation should be the finishing touch of
+his recent matrimonial manoeuvring. The ceremony was performed with great
+pomp on the 1st of June, 1533, when, though the regular crown was used,
+the weak head of Anne was too feeble to bear it, and it was replaced by a
+smaller diadem, which had been purposely prepared as a substitute. When
+Clement heard of what had been passing in England, he sent forth a bull,
+expecting that Henry would be immediately cowed by it. The pontiff ordered
+the monarch to take back his original wife, but the latter refused to
+listen to any motion for returns, observing that those who are at Rome may
+do as Rome does, but that he should entirely repudiate the papal
+jurisdiction. A Parliament which was held soon after seconded the
+sovereign's views, and, by way of paying off the pope, he was deprived of
+all fees, rights, and privileges which he had hitherto enjoyed as head of
+the Church of England. The ecclesiastical party in England had been
+subservient to the whim of Henry, and had assisted in nullifying its own
+supremacy over the State by cutting off its own head; so that the
+experiment of amputating one's own nose to be revenged upon one's face was
+somewhat more than realised.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0150" id="linkimage-0150"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/419m.jpg" alt="419m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/419.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+On the 7th of September, 1533, Anne Boleyn became the mother of a little
+girl, who was named Elizabeth, and the courtiers of the day already
+offered to lay heavy bets on the future greatness of Betsy. The king, who
+had buoyed himself up with the hopes of a boy, was a little angry at the
+unfavourable issue, and he vented his ill-humour in further insults
+towards the unfortunate Catherine. Everyone who continued, either by
+design or accident, to call her queen was thrown into prison, and even a
+slip of the tongue, occasioned by absence of mind, was followed by absence
+of body, for the luckless offender was dragged off to gaol, from the bosom
+or his family.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry having lopped off Catherine as a branch of the royal tree, and
+grafted Anne Boleyn on the trunk, began to think about the successional
+crops, in the treatment of which he was assisted by a servile Parliament.
+Little Mary, Catherine's daughter, was rooted out like a worthless
+marigold, and Elizabeth was declared to be the rising flower of the royal
+family. Among the atrocities committed by Parliament on account of its
+miserable subserviency to the will of the king, was the bill of attainder
+of high treason, passed against a female fanatic called the Maid of Kent,
+and some of her accomplices. This person, whose name was Elizabeth Barton,
+and who resided at Aldington in Kent, was subject to hysterical fits, as
+well as to talking like a fool, which in those days&mdash;as in these&mdash;was
+often mistaken for a symptom of superior sagacity. Extremes are said to
+meet, and the mental imbecility of Miss E. Barton was thought by many to
+border on an amount of wisdom which only inspiration could impart, and the
+semi-natural got credit for the possession of supernatural attributes.
+Some of her idiotic and incoherent talk having been heard by her ignorant
+companions, was declared by them to be inspired, because it was something
+they did not understand; and as knavery is always ready to turn to profit
+the idea that folly sets on foot, persons were soon found willing to take
+the Maid of Kent under their patronage for political purposes.
+</p>
+<p>
+Richard Maister or Masters, the vicar of the place, whom Hume calls "a
+designing fellow" behind his back, whatever the historian might have said
+to the reverend gentleman's face, was the first to take an interest in
+Elizabeth Barton, and introduced her to public notice as a sort of
+mesmeric prodigy; in which capacity she brought out a bundle of Sybiline
+leaves, with the intention, probably, of making a regular business of
+telling fortunes. Anxious for the recommendation of being able to announce
+herself as "Prophetess in Ordinary to the King," Miss Barton began
+predicting all sorts of things with reference to Henry; but unfortunately
+she had not the tact to make his majesty the subject of happy auguries.
+She hoped, perhaps, that if she went to work boldly, he would buy her off;
+for it has sometimes proved a good speculation to establish a nuisance in
+a respectable neighbourhood, which will often pay the annoyance to remove
+itself to some other locality. Miss Burton did not, however, manage so
+well, for instead of getting literally bought up, she was destined to be
+put down very speedily. Making a bold bid for royal patronage, she
+prophesied that if Henry put away Catherine he would die a violent death
+within seven months; and Elizabeth Barton thus made sure that if the king
+declined treating with her for the stoppage of her mouth, the ex-queen
+would at least make her some compliment in return for her complimentary
+prophecy. Henry, who had no objection to her dealing out death either
+wholesale, retail, or even for exportation, to some of his popish enemies
+abroad, could not allow such a liberty to be taken with his own name; and
+accordingly the fortuneteller, who professed to hold consultation with the
+stars, was brought up before the Star Chamber. She soon found in the
+president a Great Bear more terrible than the Ursa Major to whom she had
+been accustomed; and perceiving by the rough manner of the assembled stars
+of the Star Chamber that theirs was anything but a Milky Way, she was glad
+to own herself an impostor, for she saw that it would have been useless to
+plead not guilty before judges who, according to her own conviction, were
+resolved on convicting her. She was committed to prison on her own
+confession; and as the seven months within which Henry would have become
+due, according to her prediction of his death, had expired, it was to be
+hoped that he, at least, would have been satisfied without subjecting Miss
+Barton to further punishment. He however seemed to have become positively
+irritated at the falsehood of her prophecy; and because he had not died in
+the proper course, he subjected the maid and six accomplices to a bill of
+attainder of treason, in pursuance of which they were all executed on the
+21st of April, 1534, at Tyburn.
+</p>
+<p>
+We will not dwell on the disgusting subject of Henry's cruelties towards
+such excellent men as Fisher, bishop of Rochester, and Sir Thomas More,
+both of whom fell victims to the ferocity of their royal master. Their
+conscientious refusal to recognise Henry as the head of the Church had
+excited his rage, which increased to the height of savageness when the
+pope offered to send to poor Fisher the hat of a cardinal. The king at
+first attempted to put a prohibition on the importation of all hats; but
+anticipating that the <i>chapeau</i> intended for Fisher might be smuggled
+into England, Henry contented himself with the barbarous joke, that the
+hat would be useless without a head to wear it on. The monarch soon
+carried out his threat, and then turned his fury upon the unfortunate Sir
+Thomas More, who had retired into private life in the hope of escaping
+Henry's tyranny. This, however, was impossible; for though conscience must
+often have whispered "Can't you leave the man alone?" some evil genius
+kept ever and anon murmuring the words, "At him again," into the ears of
+the despot.
+</p>
+<p>
+Among the petty persecutions to which More was exposed, was the taking
+away of all writing implements from the good old man, who, deprived of
+pens and ink, took a coal as a substitute. He at length learned to write
+with a piece of Wallsend as rapidly as he could use a pen, and, with a
+coalscuttle for an inkstand, he never wanted the material to keep alive
+the fire of his genius. Considering how famous he was for the use of
+"words that burn," we do not see how he could have found a better
+instrument than a piece of coal for transcribing his sentiments. A pretext
+was soon found for taking the life of this excellent man, whose facetious
+bearing at his own execution shall not mislead us into unseemly levity in
+alluding to it. He made jokes upon the scaffold; but we must admit that
+they are of so sad and melancholy a description, as to be scarcely
+considered inappropriate to his very serious position. So much has been
+said of the wit of More, that we may perhaps be excused for hazarding a
+word or two concerning it. Judging by some of the <i>bon mots</i> that
+have been preserved, they seem to us hardly worth the expense of their
+keep; for as horses are said to have eaten off their own heads, so the
+witticisms of More appear in many instances to have consumed all their own
+point, or, at all events, the rust of ages has a good deal dimmed their
+brilliancy. His wife had but little respect for his waggery, and would
+sometimes ask him "how he could play the fool in a close, filthy prison?"
+and she evidently thought it was carrying a joke a little too far, when
+she found her husband would not "drop it" even in the Tower. His allusion
+to his being obliged to write with coals instead of pens, which caused him
+to say that "he was but a wreck of his former self, and had better be
+scuttled at once," seems to us equally deficient in point and dignity. He
+was executed on the 6th of July, 1535, after a quantity of badinage with
+the headsman, which makes us regret, for the sake of More, that any
+reporters were allowed to be present.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry had now come to open war with the Church of Rome, and, under the
+advice of Cromwell, he determined to make a profit as well as a pleasure
+of the recent rupture.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0151" id="linkimage-0151"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/422m.jpg" alt="422m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/422.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+While the pope let loose his bulls upon the king, the latter turned out
+his bull-dogs, in the shape of emissaries, empowered to pillage the rich
+monasteries in England. Cromwell acted as whipper-in to this cruel sport,
+and hounded on the servile dogs at his command, in pursuit of those
+monastic herds, which had been luxuriating in the rich pastures the church
+had hitherto afforded.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is true that many impositions on the public were discovered by the
+emissaries of Henry; but one fault does not justify another, and the
+frauds of the monks afforded no excuse for the robbery committed by the
+monarch. We may feel indignant at the showman who exhibits on his delusive
+canvas "more, much more," than his caravan can hold, but we have no right
+to appropriate to ourselves the whole of his stock because he has been
+guilty of trickery. Henry did not pocket the whole of the proceeds thus
+unscrupulously obtained, but gave a few slices to the church, by creating
+half-a-dozen new bishoprics and establishing a professorship of two in the
+universities of Oxford and Cambridge, and he threw them a few crumbs of
+the good things he had seized, more with the hope of stopping the mouths
+than satisfying the appetites of the hungry claimants.
+</p>
+<p>
+Poor Catherine of Aragon died at Kimbolton on the 8th of January, 1536,
+after writing a letter to the king, which it is said extracted one tear
+from the sovereign's heart&mdash;a circumstance which must have raised
+hopes at the time, that the process of extracting blood from a stone might
+not be found impossible.
+</p>
+<p>
+The year 1536 was marked by a voyage of discovery under the patronage of
+the king, for the purpose of sending some emigrants on a wild-goose chase
+to the north-west coast of America. Thirty of the adventurers were
+gentlemen from the Temple and Chancery Lane, who, thinking anything better
+than nothing, had probably dashed their wigs to the ground, and thrown
+themselves on the mercy of that motion of course which the sea was certain
+to supply them with. It is said, though we know not with how much truth,
+that the learned wanderers being short of provisions, made each other
+their prey&mdash;a result to be expected when clients were not accessible.
+It is added that none of the party returned but a learned gentleman of the
+name of Ruts, who was so changed that his father and mother did not know
+him until he pointed to a wart which had not been washed away by the
+water.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry continued his hostility to the pope, absurdly declaring that he
+would not be bullied, and in defiance of the papal see caused Anne Boleyn,
+who is said to have exulted over the death of Catherine, to drain the cup
+of sorrow, or rather to lap it up: for she one day found Jane Seymour, a
+maid of honour, sitting on the knee of Henry. It was in vain that the
+monarch and his new favourite endeavoured to laugh the matter off as a
+mere <i>lapsus</i>, for Anne declared that the king must have begun to
+nurse a new passion.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0152" id="linkimage-0152"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/424m.jpg" alt="424m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/424.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+As they who are convicted of a fault themselves are anxious to pick holes
+in the conduct of others, Henry having been proved to see more in Seymour
+than became him as a married man, commenced harbouring suspicions against
+Anne Boleyn. On May-day, 1536, there had been a royal party at Greenwich&mdash;in
+fact, a regular fair&mdash;when suddenly, in the midst of the sports,
+Henry started up exceedingly indignant at something he had witnessed. The
+queen did the same, and her husband pretended that he had seen her either
+winking at one Norris, a groom, or clown to the ring, in which the jousts
+were going forward, or making signals to Mark Smeaton, a musician in the
+clerical orchestra. Several persons were seized at once, and sent to the
+Tower, including poor Smeaton, the member of the band who was accused of
+acting in concert with men of higher note, to whom he was charged with
+playing second fiddle.
+</p>
+<p>
+Poor Anne was taken to the Tower, where a number of scandalous old women
+were sent about her to talk her into admissions against herself, and to
+talk her out of anything that they could manage to extract from her
+simplicity. She wrote what may justly be called "a very pretty letter" to
+the king, dated the 6th of May, 1536; but if any answer was received it
+must have come from Echo, who is the general respondent to all
+communications which receive no attention from the parties to whom they
+are directed. On the 12th of the same month Norris, Weston, Brereton, and
+Smeaton were tried and executed, all denying their guilt but the musician,
+who changed his key note a little before he died, and modulated off from a
+<i>fortissimo</i> declaration of innocence to a most <i>pianissimo</i>
+confession. There is every reason to believe that this composition of
+Smeaton was a piece of thorough base, which is only to be accounted for on
+the score of treachery.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 15th of May, a building as trumpery as the charge against her
+having been knocked together in the Tower, Anne Boleyn was brought up for
+trial before a court of twenty-six barons, one of whom was her own father,
+while her uncle the Duke of Norfolk sat as president. It would be imagined
+that a jury comprising two relatives would have given a positive advantage
+to Anne; but her uncle being a rogue, and her father a fool, the former
+was too venal, and the latter too timid, to be of any use to her. She
+pleaded her own cause with such earnestness, that everyone who heard how
+she had acquitted herself, thought that her judges must have acquitted
+her. They, however, found her guilty, to the intense bewilderment of the
+Lord Mayor, who had heard her defence, and could only go about exclaiming,
+"Well, I never! did you ever?" for the remainder of his existence.
+</p>
+<p>
+It would seem that there was something in the mere prospect of the axe,
+which imparted its sharpness to the intellects of those upon whose heads
+the instrument was on the point of falling. We have already alluded to the
+<i>mots</i> of More when he was positively moribund, and the quips of the
+queen became very numerous and sparkling as the prospect of the scaffold
+opened out to her. She made a sad joke upon the little span of her own
+neck&mdash;in reference, no doubt, to the small span of human existence&mdash;and
+paid a compliment to foreign talent by requesting that she might have the
+benefit of the services of that sharp blade that had just come from Calais&mdash;alluding
+to the recent arrival of the French executioner.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry was on a hunting party in Epping Forest, and was breakfasting on
+Epping sausages, when the execution took place, the announcement of which
+he had ordered should be made to him by the firing of a gun as a distant
+signal. During the <i>d�je�ner</i> Henry kept continually exclaiming
+"hush," and entreating "silence," with all the energy of an usher in a
+court of law, until a loud bang boomed over the breakfast-table. Henry
+instantly started up, exclaiming, "Ha, ha! 'tis done!" and ordering the
+dogs to be let slip while his breakfast-cup was still at his lip, he
+resumed his sport with even more than his wonted gaiety. On the very next
+day, he was married to Jane Seymour, there having been a very short lapse
+of time since she was discovered on the lap of Henry.
+</p>
+<p>
+A Parliament having been speedily assembled, that servile body passed
+every act that Henry desired, and began by cancelling, in one batch, the
+entire issue of his former marriages. The princesses Mary and Elizabeth
+were declared illegitimate, while the condemnation of Anne Boleyn was
+legalised by statute; a measure which was a little tardy, considering that
+she had already lost her head in pursuance, or rather in anticipation of
+the confirmation of her sentence.
+</p>
+<p>
+The destruction of monasteries was now carried on with a most brutal
+rapacity, and a mixture of barbarism and barbarity that disgusted a great
+portion of the community. Not satisfied with robbing the inmates of the
+monasteries, Henry's myrmidons destroyed the buildings themselves with the
+most wanton violence, and it was remarked that they were never contented
+with emptying a cellar of all its wine, but must always remain to take
+shots at the bottles. This unprovoked and tasteless taste for mere
+mischief roused the discontent of the people in many places, and the
+Lincolnshire fens assumed the offensive with one Mackrel, an odd fish, as
+the leader of the insurgents. This Mackrel soon got himself into a sad
+pickle, for he was executed at a very early period of the insurrectionary
+movement.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0153" id="linkimage-0153"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/426m.jpg" alt="426m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/426.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+On the 12th of October, 1537, her majesty Queen Seymour gave birth to a
+son, an event which made Henry as happy as a king, or at least as happy as
+such a king, with such a conscience as Henry carried about with him, could
+possibly make himself. He dandled the royal infant in his arms with all a
+parent's pride, and sang snatches of nursery ballads in the ear of the
+baby. The child was called Edward, which Henry fondly translated into
+Teddy Peddy; and three little coronets&mdash;the size of first caps&mdash;were
+instantly made for the Prince of Wales, the Duke of Cornwall, and the Earl
+of Chester, for such was the <i>tria juncta in uno</i> formed by the birth
+of the illustrious little stranger. The queen died in twelve days after
+giving birth to an heir; but this circumstance did not seem to affect the
+spirits of Henry, who perhaps felt that there was one more wife out of the
+way, without the trouble and expense of getting rid of her.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0154" id="linkimage-0154"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/428m.jpg" alt="428m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/428.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The arbitrary monarch now experienced a good deal of trouble from one
+Pole, whom the tyrant made several attempts to bring to the scaffold. This
+Pole was remarkable for standing erect, and for his firmness, after once
+taking his ground, in keeping his position.
+</p>
+<p>
+He was the son of Sir Richard Pole and Margaret Countess of Salisbury, for
+the first Pole was a kind of leaping Pole, with a strong tendency to raise
+not only himself, but all those that belonged to him. Reginald, for such
+was the name of the Pole that had stirred up the rage of Henry, had
+received from the pope a cardinal's hat, with the assurance that such a
+Pole ought not to be bare, but deserved the most honourable covering.
+Being himself resident abroad, he was as much out of the English tyrant's
+power as if he had been the old original North Pole, of whom we have all
+heard; but his brothers and relatives at home were seized upon, and either
+executed or burnt like so much firewood. Parliament aided the despotism of
+the king, by passing a suicidal act, declaring that a royal proclamation
+should have the force of law; a resolution equivalent to an act of
+self-destruction; for if the king could do everything by himself, there
+was, of course, no occasion for Lords and Commons to help him in the task
+of government.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry having become disembarrassed of no less than three wives, began to
+think so little of the encumbrance of matrimony, that he contemplated a
+fourth engagement. It was indeed natural enough that he should be fearless
+of that which might make bolder men afraid, for he had given evidence of a
+facility in making an escape, and he consequently risked little by braving
+danger. He advertised, as it were, for a wife, in all the markets of
+European royalty, and he continued popping a series of questions; but his&mdash;to
+revive a <i>mot</i> (we cannot call it a <i>bon mot</i>) of the period&mdash;was
+of all pops the most unpopular. "Nobody will have me, by Jingo," he would
+sometimes mutter to himself; and at length the wily Cromwell proposed to
+act as matrimonial agent to his majesty.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Duchess Dowager of Milan was treated with for her hand, but she wrote
+back to say that if she had a couple of heads, she might listen to Henry's
+proposal, for he would certainly cut off one, and it would be awkward not
+having another head to fall back upon. He next sent an offer to the
+Duchess of Guise, saying that wedlock, coming to him in such a Guise,
+would be the height of happiness; but this lady politely excused herself,
+on the ground of a "previous engagement." Somewhat hurt by these repeated
+rebuffs, he requested Francis the king of France to "trot out" his two
+sisters for Henry to take his choice; but Frank said frankly that he would
+have nothing to do with the humiliating business. We have it on the
+authority of a letter among Cromwell's correspondence, that Henry was
+rather taken with Madame de Montreuil, a French lady, who having come from
+France to Scotland in the suite of Magdalen, first queen of James the
+Fifth of Scotland, was now on her way back again. Henry appears to have
+gone to Dover for the purpose of meeting her on the pier or the parade;
+but he must have found her <i>pass�</i> as he surveyed her through his
+glass, for nothing came of their meeting. The lady lingered in England to
+give him every chance, but Henry could only shake his head, observing "No!
+by Jove it won't do;" and Madame de Montreuil, pitying his want of taste,
+was compelled to return to her own country.
+</p>
+<p>
+At length Cromwell came running one morning to Henry, exclaiming, "I think
+I've found something to suit your majesty at last," and placed in the
+king's hand the card of "Anne, second daughter of John Duke of Cleves, one
+of the princes of the Germanic Confederacy." Henry was not possibly averse
+to the match, but was wavering, when Cromwell produced a lovely portrait
+as that of the candidate for the hand of the English sovereign. The king
+examined the picture with the eye of a <i>connoisseur</i>, and being
+pleased with the sample, ordered the lot to be sent over to him with as
+little delay as possible. The picture was by Holbein, who had utterly
+concealed the plain fact, and bestowed upon the German princess such
+handsome treatment, that he had imparted the lustre of the brilliant to an
+object which was as inferior to the copy, as German paste is worthless by
+the side of the diamond. Henry hastened, on her arrival in England, to
+compare the original with the picture; and having disguised himself, sent
+forward Sir Anthony Brown to say that a gentleman was coming on to see
+her, with a new year's present. Poor Brown was fearfully taken aback at
+seeing a lady so thoroughly <i>laide</i> as Anne of Cleves, but gave no
+opinion to his royal master. * Henry went tripping into the apartment with
+all the ardour of a youthful lover; but the first glance was enough, and
+he shrunk back, muttering to himself, that the princess instead of looking
+like the picture of Holbein, reminded him rather of the picture of misery.
+He nevertheless summoned up all his resolution to give her a kiss; but it
+was clear to all who witnessed the scene, that Henry repented a bargain in
+which he found himself mixed up with such a decidedly ugly customer. After
+a few minutes passed in small-talk&mdash;the smallness of which limited it
+to twenty words&mdash;Henry went away in deep dudgeon, but he made up his
+mind to the marriage, lest he might be involved with any of the German
+powers in an action for a breach of promise.
+</p>
+<p>
+The evening before the nuptials were solemnised, Henry sat with Cromwell,
+bewailing&mdash;probably over some nocturnal grog&mdash;the "alarming
+sacrifice," that had become unavoidable. The statesman, who had
+recommended the match, tried hard to soften down some of the most
+repulsive features of Anne; but Henry coarsely described her as "a great
+Flanders mare," and Holbein as a "humbug" for having so grossly flattered
+such a coarse clumsy animal. "By my troth," he exclaimed&mdash;for his
+indignation rose as the liquor in his glass became lower&mdash;"you got me
+into this scrape and you must get me out of it. I shall expect you to find
+some means of abating for me this frightful nuisance."
+</p>
+<p>
+Gardiner, Bishop of Winchester, the head of the popish party in the
+church, was, of course, an opponent of Cromwell, and took advantage of the
+recent matrimonial mistake, to damage him still further in the opinion of
+his royal master. Gardiner flattered himself that the train had been
+already laid, and that the awfully bad match which Cromwell himself had
+provided, would certainly hasten the explosion that there was good reason
+to anticipate. The wily Bishop of Winchester introduced Catherine Howard,
+the lovely niece of his friend the Duke of Norfolk, to the king, who was
+instantly struck by her beauty, and said warmly, "Ha! the man who has
+discovered this charming Kate knows how to cater for his sovereign." *
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Strype&mdash;who certainly deserves a hundred stripes for
+recording such an atrocity.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Cromwell's doom was now sealed, and the Duke of Norfolk, on the 10th of
+June, 1540, had the luxury of taking into custody his political
+antagonist. A charge of having one day pulled out a dagger, and declared
+he would stick to the cause of the Reformation, even against the king, was
+speedily got up, and, by the 28th of July, he was disposed of, at Tower
+Hill, in the customary manner. While in prison, he wrote a pitiful letter
+to Henry, with the word "Mercy, Mercy, Mercy!" reiterated thrice as a
+P.S.; the meanness and tautology of which evinced a poverty in the spirit
+as well as in the letter.
+</p>
+<p>
+The king had now determined to marry Catherine Howard, but the old
+difficulty&mdash;another wife living&mdash;stood in the way of the desired
+arrangement. Having consulted his attorney, it was proposed to search for
+some previous marriage contract in which Anne of Cleves had been
+concerned; and as everybody is engaged, on an average, at least
+half-a-dozen times before being married once, there would have appeared
+little difficulty in accomplishing Henry's wishes.
+</p>
+<p>
+The excessive ugliness of Anne of Cleves, however, placed great obstacles
+in the way, for she had clearly been a drug in the matrimonial market, and
+neither by hook nor by crook could an old offer for her be fished up until
+something of the kind from the young Prince of Lorraine&mdash;entered into
+before he was old enough to know better&mdash;was happily hit upon. A
+commission was at once issued, the matter tried, and of course decided in
+Henry's favour. By way of strengthening the king's case, it was urged by
+his learned counsel that he had married against his will, and therefore
+ought to be released from his contract. The Court, however, held that the
+establishment of such a principle would be almost equivalent to the
+passing of a general divorce act for half the couples in Christendom, and
+on that point at least the rule for a new trial of Henry's luck was
+refused accordingly. His suit for a nullification of his contract with
+Anne of Cleves succeeded on the other point, and both parties were equally
+gratified by the result which set them both at liberty. The lady felt she
+had much rather lose her husband's hand than her own head, and Henry began
+to think he might be wearing out the axe upon his wives before he had half
+done with it, and if he could find any other means for severing the
+marriage tie he much preferred doing so. He offered to make her his
+sister, with three thousand a year, an arrangement with which she
+expressed herself perfectly satisfied. Both parties were permitted to
+enter into wedlock again, if they pleased, and the king of course availed
+himself of the option with his accustomed celerity. The Bill was brought
+into Parliament on the 12th of July, and the 8th of August found Catherine
+Howard already publicly acknowledged as the fifth Mrs. Henry Tudor.
+</p>
+<p>
+It had now become the boast of Henry that he held the balance with an even
+hand between the Catholics and the Reformers; but his impartiality was
+shown in a manner most inconvenient to both of them. He used to deal out
+what he called equal justice to both, by submitting a few on each side of
+the question to equal cruelty. He would forward three Catholics at a time
+to Smithfield, to be hanged as traitors, and by the same hurdle he would
+send three Lutherans to be burned as heretics.
+</p>
+<p>
+As we are unwilling to turn our history into a Newgate Calendar, for the
+sake of recording the atrocities of a sanguinary king, we shall, in our
+account of the remainder of this odious reign, preserve the heads, and
+avoid the executions. The murder of the Countess of Salisbury, an old
+woman upwards of seventy, and the mother of Cardinal Pole, stands out
+perhaps from some other sanguinary deeds by its peculiar atrocity. The
+venerable lady, at the last moment, defied the executioner to come on, and
+a combat of the fiercest character took place upon the scaffold.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry, who had frequently tried to inoculate his nephew, James the Fifth
+of Scotland, with his own predatory propensities, became at length angry
+that the latter declined turning thief in the name of religion, and
+plundering the church under the pretext of simply reforming it. A
+conference had been agreed upon between the English and the Scotch kings;
+but the latter, at the instigation of Cardinal Beaton, whose olfactory
+nerves had detected a rat, broke his appointment with his imperious uncle.
+This ungentlemanly proceeding gave such offence to the English tyrant,
+that he threatened, with an awful oath, to let the weight of old Henry be
+felt in Scotland; and the expression that So-and-So purposes "playing old
+Harry," no doubt took its rise from the incident to whicn we have alluded.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Duke of Norfolk was sent, as a low fellow of that period hath it, "to
+take the shine out of that Jem," who was completely defeated at Solway
+Moss, through his own troops turning their backs&mdash;not upon him, as it
+is said by some, but upon the enemy. James was so overwhelmed with shame
+and despair, that he drew his helmet over his eyes, assumed a stoop&mdash;a
+sure sign that he was stupefied&mdash;and never raised his head again, but
+fell a victim to that very vulgar malady, a low fever. He left his kingdom
+to his daughter, then only eight days old, who came to the throne on the
+ninth; but as she was not a nine days' wonder, she evinced no miraculous
+aptitude for the task of government.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry had in the meantime been made very uncomfortable by the rumours that
+his wife, familiarly known as Miss Kate Howard, had not been acting
+properly. When the king heard the news, he was deeply affected, for he was
+one of those persons who make up, in feeling for themselves, for their
+deficiency of feeling with regard to others. He sat down and had a good
+crocodilian cry, which irrigated his hands to such an extent that he was
+compelled to wring them to get them dry again. Cranmer and Norfolk were
+appointed to examine into the truth of the charges against the queen, who,
+when her guilt was proved beyond doubt, made a virtue of necessity&mdash;the
+only virtue of which she could boast&mdash;by boldly confessing it.
+</p>
+<p>
+This unfortunate young woman had been promised a pardon on condition of
+her revealing the extent of her transgression; but when she had admitted
+not only a great deal she had done, but had thrown into the bargain a
+great deal she had never done at all, Henry, regardless of his pledge,
+thought that the best way to get rid of an annoyance was to break the neck
+of it. Catherine Howard was accordingly beheaded at the Tower, on the 15th
+of February, 1542, and finding her confession had done her no good, she
+retracted the greater part of it. "It was not to be supposed," says
+Mullins, "that a person who had shown himself so double as Henry, could
+long remain single," and he accordingly threw himself once more upon the
+matrimonial market. There he was of course no longer at a premium, and he
+was pretty soon at Parr; and it is a strange fact that he would have
+commanded a better price had it been certain that he could be had without
+the <i>coupon</i>, which had distinguished the settling days of two of the
+wives of this shocking bad sovereign. Catherine Parr was a corpulent old
+lady, fortified by at least forty summers, but she readily listened to the
+proposals of Henry. Henry entered her at once on his share or <i>ch�re</i>
+list, and in allusion to her bulk, placed opposite to her name the words
+"commands a very heavy figure." She was the widow of Neville, Lord
+Latimer; but, thought Henry, "What care I, if she has even killed her man?&mdash;it
+will not be the first time that I shall have killed my woman."
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0155" id="linkimage-0155"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/434m.jpg" alt="434m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/434.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The English king courted her at once, and made much of her; but to have
+made more of her than there really was, would have been rather difficult.
+He married her on the 10th of July, 1543, and it is a curious fact that
+she outlived him, which we can only attribute to the lady partaking the
+longevity of her namesake old Parr, for there must have been a vigorous
+adhesion to life in any one who could marry and survive the
+wife-exterminating tyrant. For some time she humoured Henry, but having a
+touch of Lutherism, she began meddling with matters of Church and State,
+which embroiled her with a bishop or two, who ran and told the king what
+she had been impudent enough to talk about. "Marry come up!" roared Henry,
+in allusion to his having elevated Catherine Parr by marrying her; "so you
+are a doctor, are you, Kate?" But having had a hint that her mixing in
+politics was not agreeable, she only replied, meekly, "No, no, your Kate
+is no caitiff." This speech had the effect of diverting Henry's wrath,
+almost as much as it will divert posterity by its delightful quaintness.
+Gardiner, who had justified his name&mdash;allowing of course for the
+difference of spelling&mdash;by sowing the seeds of dissension between the
+king and queen, had arranged with the sovereign that her majesty was to be
+seized next morning by forty guards, headed by Chancellor Wriothesley.
+This person was not a little astonished at finding himself called "an
+arrant knave, a foole, and a beastlie foole," * by the king, when he came
+to execute his mission. He was, in fact, dismissed with an entire earful
+of fleas, of which Henry had always an abundance on hand for unwelcome
+visitors.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Lord Herbert.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Henry had now become, literally, the greatest monarch that ever sat upon
+the throne, for he had increased awfully in size, and become irritable at
+the same time, so that the task of getting round him was, in every sense,
+extremely difficult. Had there been a prize monarch show, open to the
+whole world, he must have carried off the palm, for he was too fat to lie
+down, lest no power should be able to get him up again. It was true he had
+been born to greatness, but he also had greatness thrust upon him&mdash;some
+say by over-feeding&mdash;to such an extent that he was obliged to be
+wheeled about, on account of his very unwieldiness. It might haye been
+supposed that Henry would have begun to soften under all these
+circumstances; but he exhibited no tendency to melt, for he continued his
+cruelties in burning those whom he chose to denounce as heretics. It is
+disgraceful to the ecclesiastical character of the age, that the church
+party that happened to be in power sanctioned the cruelties practised
+towards the party that happened to be out, and it was said, at the time,
+that the fires at Smith-field were always being stirred by some high
+clerical dignitary, who might be considered the "holy poker" of the
+period.
+</p>
+<p>
+The prospect of a speedy vacancy on the throne created a rush of
+candidates, who commenced literally cutting each others' throats&mdash;a
+desperate game, in which the Howards and Hertfords made themselves very
+conspicuous. Young Howard, Earl of Surrey, used to sneer at Hertford, who
+had been recently ennobled, as a "new man," and Hertford would retort
+unfeelingly upon Howard's father, the Duke of Norfolk, by saying "it was
+better to be a new man than an old sinner." The Norfolk family got the
+worst of it, for Norfolk and Suffolk were taken to the Tower on the 12th
+of December, 1546, on the frivolous charge of having quartered with their
+own arms the arms of Edward the Confessor. Had they gone so far as to use
+these arms upon a seal, it ought not to have sealed their doom, nor
+stamped them as traitors; but the frivolousness of the charge marks the
+tyrannical character of the period. Commissioners were sent to their
+country seat at Kuming Hall, to ransack the drawers, pillage the plate
+chest, and send the proceeds to the king; but the people intrusted with
+the job either found or pretended to find scarcely anything. They wrote to
+the king, telling him that the jewels were all either sold or in pawn; but
+as the tickets never came to hand, it is possible that the searchers were
+practising a sort of duplicate rascality. They forwarded to the king a box
+of beads and buttons; but though every bead was glass, Henry does not
+appear to have seen through it. Surrey was tried at Guildhall for having
+quartered the royal arms with his own, and on his defence he observed, "By
+my troth, mine enemies will not allow me any quarter whatever." He was
+found guilty, of course, and beheaded on the 19th of January, 1547, and
+his father's execution had been set down on the peremptory paper for the
+28th of the same month, when the proceedings were suddenly stayed just
+before execution, by the death of Henry.
+</p>
+<p>
+The tyrant, who had been getting physically as well as morally worse and
+worse, clung to life with that desperate tenacity that is a sure sign of
+there being good reason for dreading death in those among whom, after a
+certain age, such a cowardly fear is manifest. He would often impiously
+threaten that "he would outlive all the younger people about him yet;" and
+though his time was evidently not far off, he would not bear to be told of
+his true condition. Instead of repenting of his past life, he devoted the
+wretched remnant of his existence to doing all the mischief he could, and
+venting his malice to the fullest extent that his now failing strength
+would admit of. Nobody dared muster resolution to tell the unhappy old
+brute that he must very speedily die, until Sir Anthony Denny, a knight
+who shared our friend Drummond's * aversion to humbug of any description,
+boldly told old Harry that he was on the point of visiting his redoubtable
+namesake.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* "Drummond is so averse to humbug of any description."&mdash;
+<i>Vide</i> Tijou.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Finding all chance of escape cut off, he began confessing his sins; but it
+was rather too late, for, had his repentance been sincere, the catalogue
+of his crimes was far too voluminous to allow of his getting through one
+half of it before his dissolution. He had been in the habit of adjourning
+that court of conscience existing in his as well as in every man's breast,
+and he always postponed it <i>sine die</i>; but when the time to die
+actually came, or the die was really cast, it was rather late to move for
+a new trial. Henry died on the 29th of January, 1547, in the fifty-sixth
+year of his age, the thirty-eighth of his reign, and at least the
+forty-first of his selfishness, baseness and brutality.
+</p>
+<p>
+He had been married six times, having divorced two of his wives, beheaded
+two more, and left one a widow. This leaves one more&mdash;Jane Seymour&mdash;still
+unaccounted for; and indeed her death was the most wonderful of all,
+because it was natural. He left behind him three children: but he did not
+care a pin's head, or even&mdash;to name an article of smaller importance
+to him&mdash;a wife's head, for any one of them. Such a very bad man was
+sure to be a very bad father, and he had declared two of his children
+illegitimate, for it was the delight of this monster to depreciate his own
+offspring in the eyes of the world as much as possible. His religious
+reforms, however wholesome in their results, were brutal in their
+execution and base in their origin. His insincerity may be gathered from
+the fact that he appointed masses to be said for his own soul, though he
+had burnt many persons for popery; and he seemed to think that, by taking
+up two creeds at once on his death-bed, he could make up for the utter
+irreligion of his last existence. He is said to have contributed to the
+cause of enlightenment, and so perhaps he did with all his blackness, as
+the coal contributes to the gas; and never was a bit of Wallsend half so
+hard, or a tenth part so black, as the heart of this despicable sovereign.
+He never had a friend; but he was surrounded by sycophants, whom, one
+after the other, he atrociously sacrificed.
+</p>
+<p>
+Cranmer being a man of superior mind, exercised an influence over him, and
+was sent for to his death-bed, when he pressed the prelate's hand; but
+whether the pressure arose from cramp or conscience, rheumatism or
+remorse, penitence or "pins and needles," must be considered a question to
+which we will not hazard an answer. We regret that we have been unable to
+adhere to the excellent motto, <i>de mortuis nil nisi bonum</i>, in this
+case; but Henry was such a decided <i>malum in se</i>, that mischief was
+bred in the bone, and the <i>nil nisi bonum</i> becomes impossible.
+</p>
+<p>
+Learning certainly advanced in this reign, and Henry himself affected
+authorship; but every literary man, from the highest flyer in the realms
+of fancy to the humblest historian of last night's fire or yesterday's
+police, will be honestly ashamed of his royal fellow-craftsman.
+</p>
+<p>
+Several colleges and schools were founded in this reign, among the
+principal of which were Christ Church at Oxford, Trinity at Cambridge, and
+St. Paul's in London. Here it was that the lowly Lily, of Lily's grammar
+notoriety, first raised his humble head as the head master of the school;
+and, though there is something lack-a-daisy-cal in Lily's style, his
+grammar was at one time the first round of the ladder by which every lad
+climed the heights of classical instruction.
+</p>
+<p>
+It may be interesting to the gastronomic reader to be informed that salads
+and turnips now first came into use, with other roots, towards which the
+people had shown until then a rooted antipathy. They swallowed spinach
+without any gammon, and even the carrot, that had formerly stuck in their
+throat as if they feared it would injure the carotid artery, was consumed
+with alacrity; and those who had disdained the most delicious of green
+food, by courageously exclaiming, "Come, <i>let us</i> try it," are
+supposed by some&mdash;though we disclaim the monstrous idea&mdash;to have
+given its name to the lettuce. The cultivation of hops came as if with a
+hop, skip, and jump across from Flanders, and the trade in wool was
+brought, under the fostering patronage of Wolsey, to a state of some
+prosperity.
+</p>
+<p>
+With the exception of the burning of monasteries and the murder of his
+wives, there was little to render the reign of Henry remarkable, beyond,
+perhaps, the invention of beef-eaters. The word beef-eater is known to be
+a corruption of <i>buffetier</i>, and indeed there was corruption, to a
+certain extent, in everything connected with this detestable tyrant. It is
+said they were called <i>buffetiers</i> from attending at the <i>buffets</i>,
+or sideboard of plate, but it is far more likely that they got the name
+from the buffeting to which every servant of the royal ruffian must have
+been occasionally liable. The neck was so often in danger, that any menial
+of the malignant monarch might be expected to ruff it in the best way he
+could, and hence the enormous ruffs, which are conspicuous to this day,
+round the chins of the beef-eaters. The looseness of their habits may be
+considered characteristic of the Court to which these functionaries were
+attached, though it has been said by some authorities that the beef-eaters
+were puffed and padded out to an enormous extent, in order that the
+monster Henry might not appear conspicuous.
+</p>
+<p>
+The reign of Henry was also remarkable for the invention of pins, to which
+somebody had given his own head with intense earnestness. The sharpness of
+the English had not yet reached so fine a point as to have led to the
+discovery of the needle, which was doubtless suggested by the pin, to some
+one who had an eye for improvement. The thimble is a still later
+introduction, the merit of which is considerable; for though at the
+present day every sempstress has the thimble at her finger ends, there was
+a time when no one had thought of this very simple but necessary appendage
+to the ladies' work-table. If the reign of Henry had never been devoted to
+anything more objectionable than the discovery of pins and needles we
+should have had little reason to complain, for a few pricks of conscience,
+no matter whence they emanated, would have done him good; but the scissors
+for cutting the thread of existence formed the instruments chiefly in use
+during this cruel and most disastrous reign.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0156" id="linkimage-0156"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:30%;">
+<img src="images/437m.jpg" alt="437m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/437.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0035" id="link2HCH0035"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE SIXTH. EDWARD THE SIXTH.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0157" id="linkimage-0157"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/438m.jpg" alt="438m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/438.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+AN enormous weight was taken off the whole country when the late lump of
+obesity was removed from the throne; but shameful to relate, the first use
+the nation made of the power of breathing freely was to give a few puffs
+to the departed tyrant. The chancellor Wriothesley announced the king's
+death to the House of Lords in tears, and there is said to have been much
+weeping; but there are tears of joy as well as of sorrow, and the former
+must have been the quality of the brine in which the memory of Henry was
+preserved for a few days by his people. The lamentations, whether sincere
+or hypocritical, were very soon exchanged for joy at the accession of
+Edward the Sixth, who was only in his tenth year when he woke one morning
+and found the crown of England over his ordinary nightcap. To rub his eyes
+and ask "What's this?" were the work of an instant, when, taking off the
+bauble, drawing aside his curtains, and holding the article up to the
+light, he at once recognised the royal diadem.
+</p>
+<p>
+Young Edward was what we should call a little forward chit had he been a
+common lad, but being a king we must at once accept him as an infant
+prodigy. He had learnt several tongues from Mr. Cheke, and had been a
+pupil of Sir Anthony Cook; but many of such cooks would have spoiled the
+best "broth of a boy," for Sir Anthony was a pedant, "with five learned
+daughters"&mdash;being equivalent to a couple of pair of blue stockings,
+and an odd one over.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry, in his reluctance to leave to his son what he could no longer hold
+himself, had fettered the monarchy as much as he could by his will, which
+was, however, soon treated with the contempt it merited. He had appointed
+sixteen executors and twelve councillors, but all to no purpose; for all
+power was placed in the hands of the young king's uncle, Hertford, who was
+created Duke of Somerset. The vaulting ambition of this man, who turned
+Somersets over every obstacle that fell in his way, rendered his new title
+very appropriate. He was invested with the office of Protector, and he
+very soon set to work, but, still true to the name of Somerset, he went
+head over heels into a war with Scotland. The object of this proceeding
+was to demand the hand of Mary, Queen of Scots, for the child Edward; but
+the idea of a person coming to make love with a fleet of sixty sail and an
+army of eighteen thousand men, was a little <i>trop fort</i> to suit the
+taste of the Caledonians. They placed a ban upon the marriage, which was
+equivalent to forbidding the banns, and suggested, that if the young
+gentleman wanted to come courting, he had better come by himself to pay
+his addresses. After a little negotiation, which ended in nothing, a
+battle ensued, which is famous as the battle of Pinkey, where the
+combatants pinked each other off most cruelly with the points of their
+swords; and it is added by the inveterate Strype&mdash;who deserves two
+thousand stripes, at least, for this offence&mdash;that "on this field,
+which was within half a mile of Musselburgh, the soldiers on both sides
+strained every muscle." The English archers sent their arrows from their
+bows with destructive effect; and looking, as they did, like so many
+Cupids in a valentine, it must be confessed that that mode of warfare was,
+at least, appropriate to a war undertaken in the cause of Hymen.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0158" id="linkimage-0158"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/439m.jpg" alt="439m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/439.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The Scotch were sadly defeated, but they still refused to give up their
+little queen to the young fellow who sought her hand through his subjects'
+arms, and she was accordingly sent to finish her education in France;
+where, though only six years of age, she was betrothed to the Dauphin.
+</p>
+<p>
+Somerset, instead of following up his successes, made the best of his way
+home; for he heard that his own brother, Sir Thomas Seymour, the Lord High
+Admiral, who had been created also Baron Seymour of Sedley, was making
+himself a great deal too agreeable to the royal ladies in England. Old
+Kitty Parr, Henry's widow, was so much taken with Tom Seymour's
+attentions, that she fell at once in his arms, and became his wife; but
+poor Parr soon fell to a discount in the eyes of her husband, who had
+become enamoured of the young Princess Elizabeth. The unhappy old Parr
+swallowed many a bitter pill at this time, until death put an end to her
+annoyances. Admiral Seymour was now free to pay his addresses to
+Elizabeth, but it would seem that he was not more free than welcome, for
+even during the life of her mother-in-law, that young lady had afforded
+him every encouragement.
+</p>
+<p>
+In order to stop his flirtations, which were now becoming serious, he was
+clapped in the Tower, but his enemies were considerate enough to send a
+bishop to him to preach patience, and as Ely was selected, who prosed
+exceedingly, the preaching was accompanied by a practical lesson in
+patience, with which it is to be hoped that Seymour was sufficiently
+edified. He was accused of treason, and at a council the boy Edward, who
+had no doubt been crammed for the occasion, delivered an elaborate
+judgment, which his parasites puffed as extemporaneous. He regretted being
+obliged to sacrifice his uncle Seymour to the common weal&mdash;a weal
+that has brought woe to many, and to which the wheel of fortune bears,
+except in its orthography, a wondrous similarity. Seymour was executed on
+Wednesday, the 20th of March, 1549, and the last use he made of his head
+before it was struck off was to shake it, and observe that "'pon his
+honour, if he had been guilty of any treason against the king it was quite
+unintentional."
+</p>
+<p>
+The country was about this time agitated by one of those fits of general
+discontent which prevail every now and then among the lower orders of
+society. As usual there was a good deal of reason mixed with a large
+amount of unreasonableness in their complaints, and the customary feeling
+of "not knowing exactly what they really wanted," became alarmingly
+general. Some cried for this, another for that, and another for t'other,
+while an almost universal shout for the privilege of ruling themselves was
+accompanied by a clear manifestation of an utter want of self-control on
+the part of the people. Their self-styled friends were of course busy in
+goading them on to acts of violence, and the Protector himself, instead of
+repressing tumult first, and pardoning it afterwards, pursued the opposite
+course, which only had the effect of clearing off old scores, that new
+might be ran up with fresh alacrity.
+</p>
+<p>
+One of the most prominent ringleaders in the revolt was a tanner of
+Norfolk, named Robert Ket, of whom it was vulgarly said that such a bob
+was as good as two tanners; "and hence, perhaps," says my Lord Herbert, or
+someone else, "two tanners, or sixpences, came to be called in the
+vernacular equivalent to one bob, or a shilling." Ket had been cruelly
+provoked in having the mob set upon one of his inclosures by a gentleman
+who had suffered from the destruction of one of his own hedges; but the
+tanner retaliated by administering such a leathering to his assailants as
+they would have remembered to this hour had any one of them been left
+alive to indulge in such reminiscences. It was found necessary to send
+over to Scotland for Warwick to go and settle Ket, which was very speedily
+done, for, finding himself unable to keep upon his legs, he laid down his
+arms, after having run for his life, and crept into a barn among some corn
+to avoid an immediate thrashing. He was taken to Norwich and lodged in the
+castle, whence he wrote to a friend, saying, "I shall be hanging out for
+the present at the above address;" and his words were soon verified, for
+he was hanged out on the top of the building a few days afterwards.
+</p>
+<p>
+Poor Somerset was now about to take the most formidable somerset in the
+whole of his career&mdash;namely, a fall from the extreme of power to the
+depths of disgrace, chiefly by the rivalry of Warwick. The Protector found
+it high time to think about protecting himself, and tried to muster his
+friends, to many of whom he wrote; but verbal answers of "Not at home,"
+"Mr. So-and-So will send," and similar evasive replies convinced poor
+Somerset that there was very little hope for him. In the meantime, Warwick
+and party were meeting daily at Ely Place, Holbom, where they were
+settling, in that very legal neighbourhood, the draft of a set of charges
+against the Protector, who was accused among other things of having pulled
+down a church in the Strand to build Somerset House, and having spent in
+bricks and mortar the money intrusted him to keep up the wooden walls of
+old England, by paying the sailors and soldiers their respective salaries.
+A bill of pains and penalties was issued from Ely Place, which is to this
+day famous for its art in making out bills, and twenty-eight charges were
+brought against Somerset, who thought it better to confess every one of
+them, on a promise that he should be leniently dealt with. This leniency
+consisted in taking away almost everything he possessed, which caused him
+to remonstrate on the heaviness of the fine; but, on being told snappishly
+he might consider himself lucky in having got off with his life, he shrunk
+back in an attitude of the utmost humility. He was set at liberty and
+pardoned, but we shall have him at mischief and in trouble again before
+the end of this chapter.
+</p>
+<p>
+Though a mere child was on the throne, the atrocities committed at
+Smithfield, in the burning of what were called heretics, went on as
+briskly as ever, the fires being stirred by Cranmer and Ridley in the most
+savage manner. Mary, the king's eldest sister, gave considerable trouble
+by insisting on the celebration of mass in her own household; and, though
+told by the council she mustn't, the truly feminine reply that "she should
+see if she shouldn't," and that "she would, though; they'd see if she
+wouldn't," was all that she condescended to say in answer to the
+requisition.
+</p>
+<p>
+Somerset, since his liberation, had been still hanging about the Court,
+and had apparently become reconciled to Warwick, whose eldest son, Lord
+Lisle, had been married to Lady Ann, one of the daughters of the
+ex-Protector. Nevertheless, on Friday, the 16th of October, 1551, Somerset
+found himself once more in the "lock-up," on a charge of treason. He was
+accused of an intention to run about London crying out "Liberty! Liberty!"
+and, if that had not succeeded, he was to have gone to the Isle of Wight
+to try on the same game in that direction. If that had not succeeded there
+is no knowing what he would have done; but at all events, orders were sent
+to the Tower to set a watch upon the Great Seal, because Somerset wanted
+to run away with it. If he had made off with the seal, he might, perhaps,
+have taken the watch also; but this did not occur to the council. His
+trial took place at Westminster, on the 1st of December, 1551, at the
+sittings after Michaelmas term, when he denied everything, and was found
+guilty of just enough to get a judgment&mdash;with speedy execution&mdash;against
+him. His politeness was quite marvellous, for he thanked the Lords who had
+tried him, ana he threw as much grace as he could into the bow he was
+compelled to make on submitting his head to the axe of the executioner.
+"This," says Fox, on the authority of a nobleman who was present, "came
+off on Friday, the 22nd of January, 1552," and it is a curious fact, that
+of every execution that occurred in his reign the boy king had preserved
+the heads in his private journal.
+</p>
+<p>
+Warwick, who had got himself promoted to the dukedom of Northumberland,
+seemed desirous of making government a business for the benefit of himself
+and family. He took the motto of "anything for peace and quiet," though he
+had blamed his predecessor, Somerset, for having done the same thing, and
+he bought off the hostility of France and Scotland by selling Boulogne
+regularly up, placing a carpet on the lighthouse, dividing the upper and
+lower town into lots, declaring that he wanted money down on the nail, and
+to hit the right one on the head he must resort to the hammer. He made
+excellent marriages for his children, and allied his son, Guildford
+Dudley, with the royal family of France by wedding him to Lady Jane Grey,
+a daughter of a son of the old original Mary Tudor of France, to whose
+descendants the English crown would fall in the event of a failure of a
+more direct succession.
+</p>
+<p>
+The young King Edward, who had not yet passed through the ordinary routine
+of infantile complaints, now took the measles&mdash;or, rather, the
+measles took him&mdash;and he had scarcely recovered from this complaint
+when the small-pox placed him under indentures which seemed much too
+strong to be cancelled within any reasonable period. He was serving his
+time to this malady, when another latent illness that had hitherto been
+playing at hide-and-seek, set up a cry of "whoop," and his youthful
+majesty was in for the whooping-cough. Northumberland, taking advantage of
+the king's weak state, advised him not to leave the crown to his big and
+bigoted sister Mary. "True," said Edward, "but how about poor little Bet?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Why, she," replied the Protector, "is very little better." With such weak
+sophistry as this, he persuaded the poor invalid king to draw up a
+settlement of the crown on Lady Jane Grey, and the judges, with all the
+law officers, were summoned to approve the document. Sir Edward Montague,
+the Chief Justice of the Common Pleas, with Sir Thomas Bromley, one of his
+<i>puisnes</i>, came accompanied by the attorney and solicitor-generals,
+to say that the deed was illegal, and that they, one and all, would have
+nothing to do with it. Upon this, Northumberland rushed into the room,
+called Montague a traitor, * banged the door, threatened to bang the
+judges, and offered to fight in his shirt-sleeves any one of them.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Burnet he had studied the business of the mint; but it may
+fairly be replied, that merely looking at the process of
+coining does not make a sovereign. He is said to have known
+all the harbours in Scotland, England and France, with the
+amount of water they were capable of containing&mdash;and though
+this may prove the depth of his research, it is no
+particular mark of his ability. He took notes of everything
+he heard; but as sovereigns hear a great deal of thorough
+trash, the collection must have been rather tedious and
+elaborate than instructive or entertaining.
+</pre>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0159" id="linkimage-0159"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/444m.jpg" alt="444m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/444.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+He declared that if they could not see the deed in its proper light, he
+would pretty soon beat it into them, and he was squaring up to the poor <i>puisne</i>
+with an evident intention for mischief, when the judges offered to take
+the papers home and reconsider them.
+</p>
+<p>
+The next day, they were again sent for, when, finding Northumberland as
+pugilistic as ever, and hand in glove with the king, the chief justice
+consented to the deed; and the <i>puisne</i>, on being approached by
+Northumberland in an attitude of menace, was glad to stammer out, "I am of
+the same opinion," as rapidly as he could give the words their utterance.
+The judges were promised that the deeds should be ratified by Parliament,
+and that they should be pardoned if they had done wrong; for otherwise,
+from the fists of Northumberland to the hands of the legislature, might
+have been analogous to getting out of the frying-pan into the fire.
+</p>
+<p>
+All this row in the palace of an invalid produced the effect that might
+have been expected, for the poor boy died a day or two afterwards. A
+pugilistic encounter between a duke and a judge, was somewhat too much of
+a stimulant for a child in Edward's weak state, and his physicians having
+given him up, he was turned over to the treatment of a female quack, who
+finished him. She did the business on the 6th of July, 1533, when he sunk
+under a complication of evils, among which his medical attendant was
+undoubtedly the greatest. He had lived fifteen years, eight months, and
+twenty-two days, having been upon the throne six years and a half;
+affording a curious instance of a reign in which the part of the sovereign
+was so insignificant that it might just as well have been omitted.
+</p>
+<p>
+This little fellow had been greatly eulogised for his talents, as shown in
+his journal; but on looking at this juvenile production we regret to say
+that we could not go the length of our old friend the evening paper, in
+stating that it is "a very remarkable production." He mentioned certain
+dinners and suppers with evident gusto, and alludes to the return of the
+sweating sickness, but misses the obvious point, that he hopes that it
+will not prove so perverse as to begin sweating sovereigns. Some of the
+historians of his reign allege that if we are to judge young Edward by the
+laws passed in his reign, there is no great deal to be said for him.
+Beggars were declared to be the slaves of those who apprehended them, and
+iron collars were permitted to be put about the throats of the latter; but
+this was too much for the pride of the stiff-necked people of England, and
+the law was repealed, within two or three years of its having been
+enacted.
+</p>
+<p>
+There is no doubt that he was a most amiable little fellow, as docile as a
+lamb, if indeed his gentleness did not amount to absolute sheepishness.
+His flatterers say that he could speak five languages, and had a taste for
+music and physic, in the latter of which predilections we are quite unable
+to sympathise. We should have said he was a nice child but for the
+peculiarity to which we have just made allusion. As a quiet young
+gentleman at a preparatory school kept by ladies, Master Edward Tudor
+would have done credit no doubt to the establishment in which he might
+have been placed; but we would as soon select a sovereign from a seminary
+at once, and take him from the bread-and-butter to the throne, as see the
+spirt of the monarchy diluted in milk-and-water, and the sceptre dwindling
+down into a king's pattern spoon.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0036" id="link2HCH0036"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE SEVENTH. MARY.
+</h2>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">N</span>ORTHUMBERLAND having got the deed appointing his daughter-in-law the Lady
+Jane Grey to the throne, began to get rather nervous as to the effect of
+making known to the people such a preposterous arrangement. He was afraid
+to advertise the king's death, and walked about the palace at Greenwich,
+biting his nails, thinking what he should do, or shut himself up in a
+small apartment, which, from the colour of its walls, was known as the
+brown study. He subsequently sent for the Lord Mayor of London, half a
+dozen aldermen, and a dozen citizens, to whom he communicated, one at a
+time, but always in a whisper, the decease of the sovereign. "Mind you
+don't tell," was the precautionary observation he made to each; and a will
+was then produced, in which the boy-king had appointed Lady Jane Grey his
+successor. The cockneys expressed their readiness to swear allegiance to
+the lady, if it was "all right;" and Northumberland pledged his honour as
+a peer, that he would make it so. This happened on the 1st of July, and
+two days afterwards Lady Jane was forwarded by water to the Tower of
+London, some of the corporation, who had been gained over by her
+father-in-law, rowing in the same boat with her. After her safe arrival,
+the death of King Edward was publicly announced, and Lady Jane Grey was
+proclaimed amid very slight applause, accompanied by murmurs of the name
+of Mary. Poor Jane was sadly <i>gen�e</i> by the position into which she
+was thrust, for she was a quiet, unaspiring, lovely creature, whose only
+fault seems to have been that she read Plato in the original Greek, *
+which appears to us the very alpha and omega of absurdity.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Roger Ascham.
+</pre>
+<p>
+In the meantime, Mary, whose sanguinary disposition, and love for cutting
+off heads in her father's style, fully entitled her to the name of the
+"chip of the old block," was raising friends to resist the views of
+Northumberland. Mary, whose Catholic predilections were known, promised
+those who were favourable to the Reformation, that she would make no
+change in the religion fixed by Edward; and thus, though she was
+understood to have mass celebrated at home, she silenced the scruples of
+the masses. The proclamation of Lady Jane Grey had been contrived at a
+packed meeting of the council, on the 10th of July; but it is said that a
+vintner's lad&mdash;or more probably a boy going round with the beer&mdash;entered
+a protest&mdash;possibly through an open window&mdash;to the arrangement.
+A policeman was instantly sent after him, and he was at once set in the
+pillory, where the tops of his ears paid the penalty of a juvenile
+offence, which he would not have committed had he arrived at the years of
+discretion. This little incident, trifling as it was, showed that there
+was a feeling abroad unfavourable to the elevation of Jane; for the
+pot-boy is always an authority on the subject of public measures. His
+opportunities of listening to the discussions of the people are great; and
+though he may hear much frothy declamation, as well as witness a vast
+tendency to half-and-half principles, in the course of his experience, he
+is nevertheless capable of judging, to a considerable extent, of the
+feelings of the multitude.
+</p>
+<p>
+Northumberland, seeing that opinion was taking a powerful turn in Mary's
+favour, became fearfully perplexed, and hearing that an adverse force was
+being collected, came to the resolution that "somebody" must go and oppose
+the enemy. Who that "somebody" should be, was a very puzzling question,
+for Northumberland did not like the business himself, and was afraid to
+trust anyone else with a matter of so much consequence. At length he
+offered the task to Suffolk, the father of Lady Jane Grey; but that young
+lady began to cry very bitterly at the idea of her poor papa, who was
+"wholly unaccustomed to public fighting," being sent into battle. Whether
+it was an arrangement between father and daughter it is impossible to say;
+but it was well known that Suffolk was not over valorous, and even if he
+did not "cry off," Lady Jane did so for him, by keeping up a constant cry
+until they found her father a substitute. Northumberland, perceiving that
+Suffolk had made up his mind not to go, was looking about him for somebody
+else, when a general interrogatory of, "Why don't he go himself?" seemed
+to suggest itself to the council. With a reluctance that indicated the
+feelings in his mind of "Well, I suppose I must," he started off with a
+small army, which experienced a cold reception in its progress, and the
+silence of the spectators giving them the air of mutes, invested with the
+dolefulness of a funeral procession the march of the troops as far as
+Bury.
+</p>
+<p>
+Northumberland had no sooner turned his back on the council than they
+turned their backs on him, by proclaiming Mary as Queen of England; and on
+a party being sent to besiege the Tower, Lady Jane Grey, by the advice of
+her own papa, resigned all pretensions to the sovereign dignity. Suffolk
+not only evinced no disposition to defend his daughter's claims, but
+turning his sword into a steel-pen, hastened to sign the decrees that were
+being issued in the name of Mary.
+</p>
+<p>
+Poor Northumberland, who was waiting for succours which never came, and
+who was accordingly being victimised by the expenses of his soldiers, who
+acted as suckers of a different kind, heard of what had taken place in
+London, and having fallen back upon Cambridge, sent for a herald, or town
+crier, with whom he bargained for the proclamation of Mary, at the
+market-place. It has been atrociously hinted, by an old offender, whose
+family we spare by the suppression of his name, that Northumberland took
+this humiliating course in the hope that Mary would be molli-fied. He had
+scarcely finished the proceeding we have described, when he received a
+sharp letter from the council in London, desiring him to disband his army;
+but looking round, he perceived that it had disbanded itself, for all his
+followers had deserted him. They had, in fact, gone over to the other
+side, with a canting recantation of their opinions, and a whining
+declaration that they never should have thought of taking arms against
+their lawful queen "had not Northumberland made them do it." The unhappy
+duke himself was hanging about the streets of Cambridge the next day, not
+knowing whether to give himself up or "run for it," when the Earl of
+Arundel, coming up and tapping him on the shoulder, observed, "You must
+come along with me&mdash;you're my prisoner." Northumberland burst into a
+loud bellow, fell upon his knees, and begged for his life; but Arundel,
+contemptuously desiring an underling to "bring him along," lodged the
+captive in the Tower. Poor Lady Jane, whose representations of the part of
+queen had been limited to ten days, was already locked up, and, in fact,
+the State prison was full to overflowing of her unfortunate partisans. Her
+father, the Duke of Suffolk, obtained his pardon on the 31st of July,
+through Mary, who, on the 3rd of August, 1553, made her triumphant entry
+into London, accompanied by her little sister, afterwards the great
+Elizabeth. On the 18th of the same month, Northumberland, his eldest son
+John, Earl of Warwick, and two or three others, were brought to trial at
+Westminster Hall, when they pleaded the general issue; but the chief
+prisoner, finding it useless to throw himself upon the country, threw
+himself on the floor, asking, in the most abject terms, for mercy. This
+prostration was of no avail, for sentence of death was speedily passed
+upon him; the sycophant Suffolk (Lady Jane Grey's own father) being one of
+the judges who presided at the trial. The Earl of Warwick behaved with
+more spirit than his parent, and upon hearing that he was to die as a
+traitor, which would involve the confiscation of his property, he coolly
+requested that his unfortunate creditors might not be victimised. "Don't
+pay me off, without paying them off, also," were the chivalrous words of
+the young nobleman. The Marquis of Northampton, when called upon for his
+defence, said that he had been out with the hounds and engaged in field
+sports while the conspiracy was going on, so that he had been quite upon
+another scent; but this availed nothing for the sly old fox, who was
+immediately found guilty. Sir John Gates, as well as Sir Henry Gates, both
+of whom were fearfully unhinged, were also condemned; and Northumberland
+made a long penitential speech from the scaffold when, as if caught by the
+example, Sir John Gates opened out with extraordinary eloquence. Poor
+Gates having been brought to a close by a hint from the headsman, the axe
+and the curtain fell together upon this fearful tragedy.
+</p>
+<p>
+Mary soon began to show her papist predilections, and after making
+Gardiner Chancellor, she proceeded to establish a most rigorous censorship
+of the press, like a person who, having evil designs, is anxious to get
+the watch-dog muzzled as speedily as possible. She prohibited all persons
+from speaking against her, for a time; but putting a prohibition on the
+press is like throwing coals on a volcano, which gets smothered for a
+while, but is sure to burst out with a stronger light on account of the
+attempt to extinguish it.
+</p>
+<p>
+The fanaticism of Mary is said to have been caused by the wretchedness of
+her early life, during which a brutal father was continually threatening
+to chop off her head or make a nun of her. That unnatural parent was one
+of those monsters to whom it seems marvellous that children were ever
+given at all, for he could never appreciate the blessings they were
+calculated to afford, and he was for ever engaged in trying to mar their
+happiness. The stock from which she came was, however, so abominably bad,
+that there is nothing surprising in her cruelty; for when children happen
+to go wrong, it may be taken as a general rule that they get from their
+birth one half, and from their bringing-up the other half, of their
+iniquity. Mary proved herself a worthy descendant of a most unworthy sire,
+and turned the State prisons at once into warehouses for storing up the
+fuel of future martyrdom. Cranmer, Latimer, and others were stored away
+with this view, while the queen herself prepared for a coronation of
+unusual pageantry at Westminster.
+</p>
+<p>
+The calm and philosophical Anne of Cleves&mdash;who will be remembered as
+the queen that Henry refused to have at any price&mdash;was a visitor to
+the show, and came to it in the same "fly" with the Princess Elizabeth.
+The latter, as sister to the queen, carried the crown in the procession,
+and was complaining of its weight in a whisper&mdash;for she was always
+flirting with somebody&mdash;to Noailles, the French Ambassador. "Be
+patient," replied the polite Parisian; "it will be lighter when it is on
+your head;" and an interchange of winks proved that the illusion was
+understood by the future sovereign of England. A parliament was assembled
+in less than a week, and the legislature that had lately been in favour of
+protestantism to the fullest extent, now relapsed into all the forms of
+popery. Both Houses opened with the celebration of mass, and Taylor, the
+Bishop of Lincoln, who objected to such flagrant apostacy, was fairly
+kicked downstairs, like a bill thrown out of the Upper House, where
+tergiversation was the order of the day throughout the session. Another
+bishop, of the name of Harley, the low comedian of the episcopal bench,
+whom Burnet calls a "drie dogge," was also ejected for exhibiting the same
+honourable consistency; but Harley restored the good nature of the House
+by throwing a little humour into his forced exit.
+</p>
+<p>
+A convocation of the clergy was shortly afterwards held, to get rid of the
+Reformation as far as it had gone, and bring catholicism back again. Some
+of the bishops conformed to the new regulations laid down for them; but
+some few, who happened to be married, found that though shaking off an
+opinion was easy enough, getting rid of a wife was far more difficult. The
+celibacy of the clergy was, of course, insisted upon; but Holgate,
+Archbishop of York, however happy he might have been never to have linked
+himself with Mrs. Holgate at all, soon discovered that a divorce from that
+good lady was not so easily accomplished as talked about. Several bishops
+who had got entangled in the connubial noose, were nearly finding it a
+halter for their necks, inasmuch as they were all deprived of their sees,
+and some even of their lives, for having committed the offence of
+matrimony. An attempt was made to save them, by urging that the punishment
+accompanied the crime, and that it was hard to make those suffer who must
+already have endured a great deal; but the plea was not allowed to
+prevail, and deprivation was inflicted on all as an equal punishment.
+Several of the bishops conformed; and it has been said, in extenuation of
+their weakness, that their insincerity was not in changing from Protestant
+to Catholic, but had consisted in their originally veering round against
+their wills from Catholic to Protestant. It matters little whether, in
+turning from popery to the Reformation, they had been robbing Peter to pay
+Paul, or whether, in changing once more, they were guilty of some
+additional cheat, in order to restore what they had taken from Peter; but
+it is not to be denied, that on one occasion or the other they had been
+guilty of gross apostacy.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 13th of November, 1553, Cranmer, Lady Jane Grey, her husband Lord
+Guildford Dudley, and his brother Ambrose Dudley, were all condemned to
+die as traitors, by judges many of whom were the very people who had set
+on poor Jane to play the game, in which she had never taken the smallest
+interest. After sentence had been passed, execution was stayed. But
+Cranmer had no sooner been let out upon the charge of treason, than it was
+found on searching the office there was something else against him,
+whereupon he was taken and locked up once more upon an accusation of
+heresy. Lady Jane Grey had the freedom of the Tower presented to her in
+the shape of a permission to walk about the gardens, while Guildford
+Dudley and Ambrose were granted a few moderate indulgences&mdash;amounting,
+perhaps, to a set of skittles, a bat, trap and ball, or a couple of
+hockey-sticks.
+</p>
+<p>
+This moderation was, however, accompanied by other acts of cruelty; and
+poor Judge Hales, who had really done nothing but refuse to change his
+religion, was, though he had stoutly defended the title of the queen,
+thrown into prison. The poor fellow went out of his mind, and though he
+was liberated, he had got so fearfully impressed with the idea of being
+burnt, that he thought to make himself fire-proof by running into the
+water; but it was so deep, and he stayed there so very long, that he
+unfortunately drowned himself.
+</p>
+<p>
+Mary, who had been disappointed of several husbands&mdash;for nobody who
+saw her would think of having her&mdash;now resolved to make use of her
+position as Queen of England to draw some unhappy victim into a marriage.
+Comparatively old, exceedingly hard, and totally void of all the milk of
+human kindness, she was naturally very inflammable, and she had already
+fallen in love with young Ned Courtenay, a son of the Marquis of Exeter;
+but the predilection of that young gentleman for her half-sister Elizabeth
+had somewhat cooled the ardour of Mary, who found it was useless to set
+her cap at the young Earl of Devon, which was the title she had restored
+to the courteous Courtenay.
+</p>
+<p>
+The project of a marriage continued to fill the head of the queen, but as
+it was evident there would be "nobody coming to marry her," and, indeed,
+"nobody coming to woo," unless she looked out pretty sharply for herself,
+she threw aside all scruples of delicacy, and began to advertise through
+the medium of her ambassadors. The Emperor Charles of Spain had been
+affianced to her thirty years ago, and though she might once have been
+accustomed to sing "Charlie's my darling," in her youthful days, that
+prince had, long ago, grown old enough to know better than to marry her.
+He nevertheless thought she might be a good match for his son Philip, or
+rather that the latter might be a match for the lady, inasmuch as the
+Spanish prince was crafty, cruel, and bigoted. Mary made a last effort to
+get a husband of her own choice by sending a proposal to Cardinal Pole,
+who would have nothing to do with her. Thus, even her indelicate eagerness
+to rush to the pole did not secure her election, and she was obliged to
+take Philip "for better, for worse," or rather for worse, for want of a
+better.
+</p>
+<p>
+When the Commons heard of her intention they respectfully recommended her
+to wed an Englishman, but the idea that it was necessary for Mary to
+"first catch the Englishman" does not seem to have occurred to them. She
+announced her intention of marrying Philip partly out of old associations,
+but the oldness of the association was all on her own side, for the
+gentleman was young in comparison to the lady. It was not to be expected
+that Philip would make what he might justly have considered an "alarming
+sacrifice" without some equivalent, and it was agreed that he should have
+the honour and title of King of England, though he was not to interfere in
+the government. In case Mary survived him, he was to settle upon her
+�60,000 a year, but as he always flattered himself that he should, as he
+said, "see the old girl out," he looked upon this arrangement as merely
+nominal.
+</p>
+<p>
+The English people had in those days, as they still have in these, an
+objection to Spanish marriages, and one Sir Thomas Wyatt, who had been in
+Spain, gave such a fearful picture of Philip, that the people of Kent,
+learning to regard him as something between "Old Bogie" and "Spring-heeled
+Jack," resolved to oppose his landing. Wyatt collected a considerable
+force at Rochester and marched upon London, when taking the first to the
+left, then the second to the right, they found themselves masters of
+Southwark. He had intended to give battle in Bermondsey, and put a cannon
+at the corner of the street, but it did not go off so well as he expected.
+In the meantime the queen's forces began pouring upon him some of the
+juice of the grape, from the Tower, and intimating to his followers that
+it might affect their heads, he withdrew as far as Kingston. His object
+was to march upon London by the other road, and he got about as far as
+Hammersmith when an accident happened to his largest buss, or blunderbuss&mdash;as
+he called his heaviest gun&mdash;and he wasted several hours in getting
+it, once more, upon its wheels again. By daylight he had got as far as
+Hyde Park, when he found that the royal forces were in the inclosure of
+St. James's, waiting to receive him, and having a large reserve in the
+hollow that now forms the reservoir.
+</p>
+<p>
+The battle commenced with a noisy overture, consisting of the firing of
+cannons, loaded only with powder, and doing no harm to anybody. Wyatt's
+followers had dwindled very materially as he came into town; several of
+his soldiers having discovered, at Kew, it was not their "cue to fight,"
+and others experiencing at Turaham Green, sufficient to turn 'em pale, and
+turn 'em back, at the very thought of meeting the enemy. Wyatt was
+nevertheless undaunted, and rushed upon the enemy, who, falling quietly
+back, let him regularly in among the troops, with the full intention of
+never letting him out again. Without looking behind, he charged, at full
+gallop, along Charing Cross, and continuing his furious career up the
+Strand, pulled up, at last, at Ludgate Hill, which he found closed against
+him. Finding no sympathy among the citizens he attempted to back out, and
+had got as far as the Temple, where, strange to say, his opponents gave
+him no law, and the unhappy old Pump, being at last caught in Pump Court,
+surrendered to Sir Maurice Berkeley.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0160" id="linkimage-0160"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/452m.jpg" alt="452m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/452.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Poor Wyatt was soon afterwards condemned to death, and executed, as well
+as about four hundred of his followers, but several were brought with
+ropes round their necks before the queen, who permitted them to find in
+the halter a loop-hole for escape, by an humble prayer for pardon.
+</p>
+<p>
+Mary, exceedingly angry at the attempt to shake her throne, vented her
+animosity on her little sister Elizabeth, who was brought on a litter to
+London, though she was so ill that the journey might have killed her, had
+not youth, a good constitution, and some stout porters carried her through
+the dangerous ordeal. She was accused of having been a party to Wyatt's
+rebellion, and was taken to the Tower, though not without giving a good
+deal of trouble to the proper officer, for she insisted on sitting down
+every now and then upon a stone step in the yard, though the rain was
+falling heavily.
+</p>
+<p>
+Mary, whose reign may be considered as the original "reign of terror"&mdash;though
+the brutality that distinguished it was confined to a few, while in the
+French edition the whole nation thirsted for blood&mdash;who exercised <i>en
+d�tail</i> the cruelties that France subsequently practised <i>en gros</i>,
+sentenced to death, in rapid rotation, all who did not quite agree with
+her. The unfortunate Lady Jane Grey and her husband, Lord Guildford
+Dudley, were both executed on the same day, and, indeed, the victims were
+so numerous that we should be inclined to say, "for further particulars
+see small bills," if we thought that any of the true bills found against
+the parties were still extant.
+</p>
+<p>
+A curious commentary on the value of trial by jury was furnished about
+this time by the extraordinary case of Sir Nicholas Throgmorton&mdash;the
+father of Throgmorton Street, and friend of Sir Thomas Wyatt&mdash;who,
+after making his defence, obtained, to the surprise of everybody, a
+verdict of acquittal. Sir Thomas Bromley, the chief justice, began to
+cough and "hem!" and "ha!" as if there must be some mistake, and as though
+he would have said, "Gentlemen of the jury, do you know what you are
+doing?" The twelve honest men replied that it was "all right," they "knew
+what they were about," and persisted in their decision, until the chief
+justice, who thought every jury box ought to be a packing-case, hinted
+that the matter was one in which the Crown was interested, and that the
+Crown would stand no nonsense. The jurymen being still firm, they were
+hurried off to prison, and were only released upon paying enormous fines&mdash;which
+proved, at least, that the Government set a tremendous price upon their
+honesty.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 19th of July, 1554, Philip landed at Southampton on his way to
+fulfil his marriage contract with Mary; but he had taken the precaution to
+send on before him the Count of Egmont, who was intended to be mistaken
+for his master, and thus serve as a sort of pilot engine, in case of any
+collision with the populace. The expedient was very necessary, for the
+pilot engine&mdash;we mean Egmont&mdash;got some very hard knocks from
+several old buffers with whom he came in contact, and Philip, seeing the
+kind of reception he might expect, came, accompanied by a very long train,
+by way of escort, to his new station. On the 25th of the same month he was
+married to the queen, at Winchester, and the pair, whom we must call, by
+courtesy, "the happy couple," came to London, where a series of
+festivities, including the rapid descent of Il Diavolo. Somebody along a
+rope from the top of St. Paul's, * had been prepared in honour of the
+Royal marriage.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* A fact. See Stowe.
+</pre>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0161" id="linkimage-0161"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/453m.jpg" alt="453m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/453.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The object of Philip in marrying Mary had been simply the crown, and his
+conduct, if not his words, very plainly told her so. Her fondness for him
+became quite a bore, particularly when he found that she could not get
+Parliament to agree to the projects he made her propose for his own
+aggrandisement. She had not long been the wife of Philip when an attack of
+dropsy was added to her other interesting points, and her heartless
+husband made her a butt&mdash;or, as Strype says, a water-butt&mdash;for
+his unfeeling ridicule. In order to obtain a little popularity, Philip
+made his wife release Elizabeth, and Courtenay, Earl of Devon, from the
+Tower, as well as a few other favourites of the public; but the people
+never took to the husband of the queen, while the quarrels between the
+Spanish and the English were perpetual. On New-Year's Day, 1555, there was
+a row among them at Westminster, when a Spanish friar got into the Abbey,
+and pulled away at the alarum with tremendous fury. He frightened the city
+almost into fits, and, for thus trifling with the rope, Philip doomed him
+to the halter, in order to gratify the people, who by no means chimed in
+with this extraordinary freak of bell-ringing.
+</p>
+<p>
+The year 1555 was signalised by the revival of all the statutes against
+heretics, and the Protestants were kept burning night and day, in the
+neighbourhood of Smithfield. We will not dwell longer than necessary upon
+this disgraceful portion of our national annals. Among many distinguished
+persons who suffered death were Ridley, Latimer, and Cranmer, who all
+exhibited firmness worthy of a better fate, and it is said of Cranmer that
+he put his right hand into the fire first, for having, some time before,
+signed some documents of recantation, in the nope of saving his life at
+the expense of his consistency. In three years about three hundred
+individuals perished at the stake, through refusing to put their
+characters at stake by vacillation in the moment of danger.
+</p>
+<p>
+After the death of Cranmer, Cardinal Pole was installed in the see of
+Canterbury, for Mary's rage against the Protestants was extreme, and she
+hoped that the fires of Smithfield would be kept alive by that exalted
+prelate, though in expecting to stir them up with the long Pole she was
+somewhat disappointed, for the new archbishop was rather moderate than
+otherwise in his ecclesiastical policy.
+</p>
+<p>
+The queen's object was to control England in the war between France and
+Spain, but Pole, even at the risk of becoming in his turn a scaffold Pole,
+resisted the royal will to the extent of his power. The fact is that
+Philip, who had never married for love, was determined to be as plain with
+his wife as she was plain to him, and told her that unless he could make
+the union profitable, he should make a slipknot of the nuptial tie, and
+get away from it altogether. Alarmed at the prospect of being left "a lone
+woman" on the throne, she sought and found a pretext for declaring a war
+against France by getting up one of those confessions which in those days
+a judicious use of the torture could always procure at a few hours'
+notice.
+</p>
+<p>
+Some unhappy agitators were detected in a small conspiracy, when the fact
+or falsehood of their having been encouraged by Henry of France was, after
+the intense application of the screw, regularly screwed out of them. They
+were made to fabricate stories to suit the purposes of the queen, and
+indeed their invention was literally put to the rack by the cruelties to
+which they were subjected. War against France was now declared, but the
+revenue was in such a miserable state that Mary was obliged to beg, borrow
+and steal in every direction for the necessary funds to commence
+hostilities. Having at last got together an army of ten thousand men, she
+found that the troops must be fed, and she accordingly seized all the corn
+she could find, threatening at the same time to thrash the owners like
+their own wheat if they had the impudence to ask for the value of the
+stolen property.
+</p>
+<p>
+The well-known impolicy of interfering in other people's quarrels was
+powerfully illustrated by the fate of the English interposition in the
+dispute between France and Spain, for after a few trifling advantages, one
+of which was the taking of Ham before breakfast by Philip himself, England
+sustained a loss, which was at that time regarded as one of the most
+serious character. Valour, under the guise of the great Duke of Guise,
+wrested Calais from its masters, and restored it to the French, whose
+hearts rebounded with boundless joy at the acquisition of this valuable
+fortress.
+</p>
+<p>
+The exchequer was reduced to such a beggarly condition by the expenses of
+the late unfortunate war, that the queen, who never called upon her
+Parliament unless she wanted something, was compelled to summon the
+Commons. With their usual squeezability they permitted to flow into the
+public coffers sufficient to keep the royal head above water; and one
+Copley, who ventured a few words by way of remonstrance, was
+pusillanimously committed to that custody from which the old English
+expression of "cowardy cowardy custard" (<i>query</i>, custod.) has been
+supposed to derive its origin.
+</p>
+<p>
+Part of the produce of the recent subsidy was laid out in ships, and as
+the ships came to no good, it was said at the time that this appropriation
+of the money was very like making ducks and drakes of it. The fleet, after
+passing over the bosom of the ocean, came to Brest, but the breastworks
+were so strong, that the British force had not the heart to make an attack
+upon them. Some miscellaneous pillage was perpetrated in the neighbourhood
+by the English who nevertheless came off second best; and Philip, who was
+getting rather tired of the business, was willing to treat with a view to
+a treaty.
+</p>
+<p>
+While thinking how he should retire from foreign hostilities, he received
+from England tidings that held out the certain prospect of domestic peace,
+for he got the news of the death of his wife Mary. Miserable and
+middle-aged, detested and dropsical, this wretched woman was tormented by
+every kind of reflection, from that presented by the mirror of her own
+mind, to the dismal prospect shadowed forth in her own looking-glass. She
+had lost Calais; but, as the audacious Strype has boldly suggested, she
+might have become callous to that, had she not known the fearful fact,
+that her husband Philip declared he had had his fill of double cursedness,
+and intended to try in Spain what a timely return to single blessedness
+might do for him.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0162" id="linkimage-0162"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/456m.jpg" alt="456m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/456.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+All these troubles proved, like herself, unbearable, and on the 17th of
+November, 1558, she expired, after a short and yet too long a reign of
+five years, four months, and eleven days. She had reached the forty-third
+year of her age, and must have made the most of her time, in one way at
+least; for no woman of her age had obtained so much odium of a durable
+quality, as she in her comparatively short life had acquired.
+</p>
+<p>
+If we were to draw a faithful character of this princess, we need do
+nothing more than upset our inkstand over our paper, and cause the
+saturated manuscript to be transferred to our pages in one enormous black
+blot; for we are sure that no printer's type could furnish a type of the
+person whom we have the horribly black job of handing down&mdash;or rather
+knocking down&mdash;to posterity. Those indefatigable readers who are
+desirous of having the appropriate epithets which Mary's character
+deserves, are requested to take down the dictionary, and having selected
+from it all the adjectives expressive of badness that the language
+contains, place them in a string or a series of strings, before the name
+of Mary.
+</p>
+<p>
+To look for her virtues would require the aid of one of those solar
+microscopes which give visibility to the merest atom, and the particle, if
+even discovered, might be deposited in the mental eye without its being
+susceptible of anything having entered it. She seems to have possessed
+some sincerity; but this only gave a certain degree of vigour to her evil
+propensities. She was perhaps susceptible of some attachments, but so is a
+boa constrictor, though few would conceive it a privilege to be held in
+the firm embraces of that paragon of tenacity towards those with whose
+fate it happens to twine itself. She had a certain vigour of mind, just as
+a tiger has a certain vigour of spring, a parallel the force of which her
+victims very frequently experienced.
+</p>
+<p>
+The loss of Calais was, perhaps, one of the most important events of
+Mary's reign! and it is said to have had such an effect upon her, that she
+declared, when she died the word Calais would be found engraved upon her
+heart: though we are quite sure, that if the word had been found at all,
+it would not have presented itself as an engraving, but as a lithograph.
+For two hundred years the town had been in the possession of the English,
+and it was through a miserable economy in cutting down the garrison during
+the winter months, and trying to work the thing at a reduced expense, that
+the whole concern fell into the power of the enemy. This paltry system
+proved, of course, unprofitable in the end; for when the Duke of Guise
+made his attack, those points that required two or three stout fellows to
+defend them, were left to the fatal imbecility of "a man and a boy,"&mdash;a
+couple never yet known to heartily co-operate. It is the unhappy blunder
+of a man and a boy being left to pull together as unsympathetically as an
+elephant and an ass, that has impeded the progress of so many of our
+public works; and it was, unquestionably, the trial of the "man and boy"
+system at Calais during the winter months, that, in the early part of
+1558, caused the loss of the city. The English had been in the habit of
+trusting during the cold weather to the snow, and the overflowing of the
+marshes, to keep out the French; but the Duke of Guise was not afraid of
+getting his feet wet, and besides, as he wittily observed, "I can always
+rely on the strength of my pumps to keep the water out." He ultimately
+made a resolute splash, and, though often up to his middle in mud, he
+drove the English clean out of the citadel.
+</p>
+<p>
+It may be worth while to mention, that Mary's reign was the first in which
+friendly relations with Russia were established, through some English
+traders who found themselves, or rather lost themselves, at Archangel, in
+the course of a wild-goose search for a north-east passage. The Czar,
+after asking them what they were doing there, and telling them they had
+come fearfully out of their way, received them very kindly; but it does
+not seem that any north-east passage, beyond the old court which used to
+lead from Holbora Hill to Clerkenwell, was at that time discovered.
+</p>
+<p>
+Few, if any, salutary laws were passed in her reign, though a bad one was
+repealed, which had ruined the wool trade, by prohibiting any one from
+making wool who had not served seven years' apprenticeship. There was of
+course a great cry and very little wool in consequence of this absurd
+enactment, which was so decidedly impolitic that we can give Mary very
+little credit for having done away with it.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0037" id="link2HCH0037"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE EIGHTH. ELIZABETH.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0163" id="linkimage-0163"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/458m.jpg" alt="458m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/458.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+HE death of Mary was concealed for some hours, since it is only bad news
+that will travel very fast; but when the truth did come to be generally
+known, the joy which burst out on all sides took the more decent form of
+exultation at the accession of the new sovereign. Elizabeth, Betsy, Bessy,
+or Bess as she has been indiscriminately called, was at Hatfield when her
+sister died, and she soon moved to London, escorted by one of those
+patriotic mobs which are always ready to hoot and halloo for any distance
+the last new sovereign.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 15th of January, 1559, the queen was crowned at Westminster Abbey,
+but during the ceremony she was compelled to remain bare-headed for a
+considerable time, as on account of her suspected Protestant
+predilections, not one of the bishops would invest her with the diadem. In
+vain did she give appealing looks to the entire bench, until at last a
+decided ogle took effect on Oglethorpe, the Bishop of Carlisle, who,
+snatching up the bauble with a shout of "Here goes!" boldly bonneted the
+royal maiden.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 25th of the same month a Parliament assembled, when Cecil and Sir
+Nicholas Bacon made their <i>d�buts</i> on the treasury benches. Cecil was
+chief secretary, or key of the Cabinet, while Bacon was great seal, with
+instructions to keep continually on the watch in the capacity of Keeper.
+The first act of the Parliament was to restore many of the laws of
+religion existing in Edward's reign, and an attempt was made to reinstate
+such clergymen as had been deprived on account of marriage; but Elizabeth,
+who began to show anti-matrimonial opinions at the very beginning of her
+reign, would not accede to such an arrangement. Early in the session the
+Parliament tried its hand at royal match-making by carrying up an address
+to the queen, recommending her to take a husband; but in a somewhat rudish
+tone she expressed at once her horror at "the fellows," and her
+determination to have nothing to do with them. Her sincerity was soon put
+to the test by a direct offer from Philip, her late sister's husband; but
+a playful "go along with you," and a coquettish "a-done, do!" were the
+utmost words of encouragement he could manage no extract from her.
+</p>
+<p>
+Parliament broke up on the 8th of May, and on the 15th the bishops and
+other churchmen of note were summoned to take the oath of conformity to
+the new statutes. Much to the credit of their consistency they all
+refused, with the exception of one Kitchen, the bishop of Llandaff, a low
+fellow, whose name implies his origin. This Kitchen had acquired the
+rotatory motion of the roasting-jack, as well as a fondness for sops in
+the pan, for he had been twirling round and having a finger in the
+ecclesiastical pie since the year 1545, from which time to that of
+Elizabeth he had, through all changes, stuck to his bishopric. The clergy,
+who had refused to conform to the Protestant religion, were on the whole
+gently dealt with, some being exported to Spain amid the luggage of the
+Spanish ambassador, and a few being quartered upon their successors in
+England. Most of the inferior clergy seemed to have been made of
+Kitchen-stuff, that is to say, they appeared to be composed of much the
+same material as the Bishop Kitchen we have named, and were at all events
+alive to the necessity of keeping the pot boiling, for out of 9400 persons
+holding benefices, there were scarcely more than a hundred, exclusive of
+the fifteen bishops, who quitted their preferments rather than change
+their religion.
+</p>
+<p>
+We must now look at Scotland, of which the celebrated Mary was queen when
+she was suddenly called to France to share the throne which had devolved
+upon her husband, Francis the Second, or rather upon which he had devolved
+by the death of his father, Henry. This somewhat elderly gentleman had
+been playing the fool in a tilting match, which was rather <i>infra dig.</i>
+at his time of life, and ended in his receiving a dig in the eye from a
+broken lance, which ultimately closed in death both the wounded and its
+companion optic. In the absence of Mary from Scotland, Elizabeth did her
+utmost to advance the Protestant cause in that country, and dealt out some
+heavy blows through the medium of the celebrated Knox against the
+Catholics. Mary's mamma, who had remained at home to keep house as it were
+in her daughter's absence, did not exactly like what was passing,
+particularly when she found that English emissaries were continually
+passing to and fro, for the purpose of bribing the Scotch, whose "itching
+palm" has always been a national characteristic that we decline accounting
+for. The English were bent on getting the French out of Scotland, but the
+task was as difficult as expelling the fleas from a hay mattress in which
+they have once got embedded. After a good deal of desultory fighting, the
+Queen Regent was worried out of her life, and she was no sooner gone, than
+some of her most devoted adherents were off like shots to draw up a treaty
+with the enemy. Peace was proclaimed, and the French Governor of Leith
+gave the besiegers a dinner, at which salted horse was the only animal
+food, for there was not even a saddle of mutton to make the horse go off
+with effect at this truly horsepitable banquet. By the treaty mutual
+indemnities were exchanged, oblivion of the past was determined upon at
+Leith, which on that occasion became a veritable Lethe. Elizabeth had two
+or three flags in Scotland surrendered to her, but religion, which was the
+ostensible cause of the whole dispute, was permitted to stand over as an
+open question.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was not to be expected that such a capital match as the Queen of
+England would fail to be the subject of several flames, and an old beau,
+in the person of Eric, now the king of Sweden, together with two or three
+other suitors, royal as well as noble, sent in the most tender tenders for
+the hand of Elizabeth. Like a true coquette, she gave encouragement to
+all, and even some seedy adventurers among her own subjects were induced
+to strike up to her.
+</p>
+<p>
+Mary, who, as great-niece of Henry the Eighth, had in the first instance
+assumed the arms and title of Queen of England, a measure almost as futile
+as if Snooks of Surrey should assume the arms and title of Seringapatam,
+relinquished her nominal pretensions upon the death of her husband, which
+happened on the 5th of December, 1560. Mary had become so habituated to
+the splendid formalities of the French Court, that, on returning to
+Scotland, the substantial barrenness of that bleak country completely
+disgusted her. Tears, it is said, came into her eyes when she saw the
+wretched ponies that were about to convey herself and her ladies from the
+waterside to Holy-rood, while the saddles, made of wood, gave her such a
+series of bumpers at parting, that she declared the impression made by her
+reception would never be forgotten.
+</p>
+<p>
+Mary, who had been born and bred a Catholic, was, of course, anxious for
+the privilege of following her own religion; but her Scotch subjects, who
+claimed liberty of conscience for themselves, practised upon their
+unfortunate sovereign the most brutal and intolerant tyranny. She was
+insulted on her way to mass, her indulgence in the most harmless
+amusements was savagely condemned, and she was continually exposed to the
+hardest raps from Knox, who undertook the task of converting her. This
+vulgar, but zealous, and no doubt sincere personage endeavoured to effect
+his purpose by coarse abuse, and always spoke of his queen from the pulpit
+as Jezebel. In vain did Mary endeavour to quiet her turbulent and
+libellous assailant by offering him private audiences, but, as if nothing
+short of mob popularity would answer his purpose, he rudely declined her
+invitation, telling her it was her duty to come to him, and continued to
+make the pulpit the medium of the most malignant assaults on his
+sovereign. However honest and upright the intentions of Knox may have
+been, his brutal manner of telling his home truths deprived them of much
+of their influence; and Knox made very few effective hits in the course of
+his noisy and vituperative career as a Presbyterian reformer.
+</p>
+<p>
+Elizabeth saw with unamiable pleasure that her rival, Mary, was having
+what, very figuratively speaking, may be termed a nice time of it. The
+English queen busily occupied herself in feathering her own nest in a
+variety of ways, and, among other measures, she called in all the debased
+coin; for, as she sometimes said, with a sneer at poor Mary, "I have a
+great objection to light sovereigns." She filled her arsenals with arms,
+and had quite a conservatory of grape at the Tower, while, by way of
+putting the country into a state of defence, she resorted to the very odd
+expedient of reviewing the militia. She improved the arts of making
+gunpowder and casting cannon, so that, as she used to say, "every brave
+brick in my army may have a supply of mortar, with which, in the hour of
+battle, he may cement the interests of my empire."
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0164" id="linkimage-0164"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/461m.jpg" alt="461m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/461.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The increase of the navy occupied her special care, and she laid the
+foundation of that glorious system which has given immortality to our
+naval hornpipes ana made our enemies dance at the balls given by our
+British seamen. It was to Elizabeth we owe the origin of that enthusiasm
+which induces "honest Jack," as he facetiously calls himself, to spend all
+his wages in a week, and to conclude a rapid series of lighthearted freaks
+as the helplessly inebriated fare of a metropolitan cab or the equally
+inanimate inmate of a London station-house. The interior of Elibabeth's
+Court was a scene of petty rivalries and jealousies, for she was
+surrounded with various suitors, and though she gave encouragement to
+nearly all, the valuable precept, "<i>Ne sutor ultra crepidam</i>," seems
+never to have escaped her memory. She would treat them with easy
+familiarity, such as thumping their backs and patting their cheeks; but if
+any of them ventured upon tiring to get on with her at the same slapping
+pace, she would administer a rap of the knuckles that at once discouraged
+them from trying their hands at a renewal of such familiarity.
+</p>
+<p>
+Though not blinded by the adulation of her courtiers, she was very nearly
+becoming so by the small-pox, against which, however, a good constitution
+was happily pitted. On her recovery, the Parliament fearing the explosion
+that might have ensued had she popped off without a successor having been
+named, entreated her either to marry, or appoint some lady or gentleman to
+fill the throne in the event of there being a vacancy. With a good deal of
+that old traditional feeling imputed to the anonymous dog in the very
+indefinite manger, who was unwilling to relinquish to others what he was
+unable personally to enjoy, Elizabeth was very reluctant to say who should
+come after her as queen, but she held out a vague prospect that her
+marriage would not be impossible, in the event of any very eligible offer
+happening to present itself. This indirect advertisement of her hand was
+at once answered by the Duke of Wurtemburg, a small German, whose
+pretensions were contemptuously pooh-pooh'd I and indeed every post
+brought letters from various single men of prepossessing appearance,
+gentlemanly manners, and amiable disposition, who were anxious to take
+this somewhat unusual method of placing their hands and hearts at the
+service of the Queen of England. In the very largest field there will
+generally be one or two favourites, and in Elizabeth's good books the
+names of Robert Dudley, Earl of Leicester, and Ratcliffe, Earl of Sussex,
+stood so high, that there might have been even betting upon both, with a
+shade or two, perhaps, in the former's favour.
+</p>
+<p>
+Mary of Scotland was less indifferent on the subject of marriage than the
+English queen, and, indeed, the former went so seriously into the
+matrimonial market, as to consult the latter on the subject of a judicious
+selection. Apparently with the intention of throwing the matter back,
+Elizabeth offered her own favourite, Dudley, Earl of Leicester, as a
+husband for Mary; but on the latter, after recovering from her surprise,
+exclaiming, "Well, I don't mind," the virgin Queen of England, mentally
+responding, "Oh! yes! I dare say," backed out of her proposition. The Earl
+of Leicester was one of those good-looking scamps who used, in the last
+century, to go by the name of "pretty fellows," but in our own more
+enlightened age, would obtain no gentler appellation than "pretty
+scoundrels." The virtuous Elizabeth liked to have him about her on account
+of his good looks, but if the homely proverb, that "handsome is as
+handsome does," had prevailed he would have been thought as little
+ornamental in person, as in mind he was deformed and hideous.
+Notwithstanding the pattern of propriety as which the virgin Queen of
+England has been, by some historians, extolled, she gave encouragement to
+Leicester, whom she knew to be a married man, until, by murdering his
+wife, he removed that slight barrier to the accomplishment of his
+ambitious wishes. He reported that his unfortunate lady had tumbled down
+stairs, but this was a daring flight of a guilty imagination, and there is
+little doubt that while staying in the house of her husband's servant,
+Foster, he forced her either over the balustrade, or got rid of her by
+some other means of equal violence.
+</p>
+<p>
+Poor Mary, who was really in need of a protector, becoming impatient at
+the delay in choosing her a husband, at length selected one for herself,
+in the person of her cousin, Henry Stuart, Lord Darnley. This young
+nobleman was a mere lad in age, but a perfect ladder in height, for he was
+very tall, and very thin, so that if he could offer Mary no substantial
+support, he was, at all events, a person she might look up to, as may be
+said, familiarly, "at a stretch," in cases of great emergency.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0165" id="linkimage-0165"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figright" style="width:30%;">
+<img src="images/463m.jpg" alt="463m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/463.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+He was the son of Henry the Eighth's sister's daughter's second husband,
+and was accordingly the next heir but one to the English throne, if anyone
+could be called an heir at all in those days, when might overcame right in
+a manner somewhat unceremonious.
+</p>
+<p>
+Darnley, though showy in appearance, was in reality a fool, and it might
+be said that instead of having been born with a silver spoon in his mouth,
+he was in himself the embodiment of that auspicious article. Though
+exceedingly tall, he was tremendously shallow, and before he had been
+married two months, he acted with so much insolence, that Mary could
+scarcely get a servant to stay with her. His own father, old Lennox, who
+had got a snug place in the household, packed up his box at a moment's
+notice, declaring he would not stop, and the wretched royal spoon found in
+the glass the only pursuit with which his habits were congenial.
+</p>
+<p>
+Though neglectful of his young and lovely wife, he claimed the bad
+husband's privilege of being jealous of the attentions of others, and
+Signor David Rizzio, the first and only tenor at the Scotch Court, soon
+furnished ground for Darnley's suspicions of Mary's fidelity. Rizzio had
+come over in the suite of the ambassador of Savoy, as a professor of the
+spinette, and a teacher of foreign languages. In his vocal capacity he
+attended evening parties, and having been introduced at Court, his airs
+soon wafted him into the favour of his sovereign. His knowledge of the
+French language caused him to be promoted to the vacant post of French
+secretary to the queen, when an outcry was raised because a Scotchman was
+not appointed to the office, though not a soul among the natives had any
+pretensions to understanding the language in which the services of a
+secretary were required. Many of them maintained that their broken Scotch
+would have been an excellent substitute for Rizzio's unintelligible
+gibberish, and the nobles used to make faces at him, shoulder him, or
+taunt him as a base-born fiddler even in the presence of his sovereign.
+</p>
+<p>
+The ill-used musician, who understood scarcely a word of the insulting
+language that was addressed to him, happening to catch the sound of the
+word fiddle, gallantly declared that he would be found <i>toujours fid�le</i>
+to the royal lady who had honoured him by her favour. There seems to be
+good reason for doubt whether the scandalous stories concerning Mary and
+her French secretary were true, and as in duty bound we give the benefit
+of the doubt to the accused parties. Poor Rizzio had, however, become such
+an object of hatred to the people about the Court, that one evening, as he
+sat at the side-table taking his supper, as he always did when the queen
+was present, a party of armed men, headed by Darnley himself, rushed into
+the chamber where the Duchess of Argyle and Erskine, the Governor of
+Holyrood, were also present. Rizzio had probably been favouring the
+company with a song or songs, and was whetting his whistle, with a view
+perhaps to farther melody, when he was brutally desired to "come out of
+that" by the ruffian Ruthven, whose <i>gout</i> for murder was so
+excessive that he had left a sick bed to take a part in the sanguinary
+business. To make a long and painful story short, Rizzio was savagely
+butchered as he clung to the skirts of Mary's dress in a vain hope to find
+shelter under petticoat influence. For having caused the death of Rizzio,
+Mary never forgave Darnley, who took to drink, in the hope of drowning
+care; but an evil conscience seems to be supplied with corks, which carry
+it up to the surface of the deepest bowl in which an attempt was ever made
+to get rid of it.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 19th of June, 1566, there appeared, among the births of the day,
+the announcement of "Mary, Queen of Scots, of a son and heir, at
+Holyrood." The infant was James the Sixth of Scotland, and subsequently
+the first of England, who was not a Jem remarkable for any particular
+brilliancy. It had previously been arranged that Elizabeth should stand
+godmother to the firstborn of Mary, and intelligence of the interesting
+event was therefore conveyed to the English queen by special express
+through that diligent overland male, the faithful Melville. Elizabeth was
+having a romp after a supper at Greenwich when the news arrived, and was
+in the midst of a furious fandango, when Cecil whispered something in her
+ear which struck her all of a heap, and caused her to leave her fandango
+unfinished. Speedily, however, regaining her composure, she gave the
+ambassador something for himself, and charged him with the usual infantine
+presents for her royal godson.
+</p>
+<p>
+The question of a successor to Elizabeth now turned up again with
+increased interest since the birth of little James; but Elizabeth,
+becoming irritable and ill-humoured, declared she was looking out for a
+husband, and intended to have an heir of her own, which would put an end
+to all the airs and graces which other people were exhibiting.
+</p>
+<p>
+When the Commons grew more urgent on the point, she became angry in the
+extreme, for the subject must have been rather a delicate one with
+Elizabeth, who was growing every day a less eligible match, and might not
+perhaps have succeeded in finding a husband equal in point of station to
+an alliance with the Queen of England.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0038" id="link2HCH0038"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE NINTH. ELIZABETH (CONTINUED).
+</h2>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">M</span>ARY and her husband were leading the life familiarly known as cat and
+dog; but the cat was in this instance getting rather the best of it. She
+would not allow him to be present at the christening party given in honour
+of their little son, and he was never permitted to hold the baby, or enjoy
+any of those privileges of paternity which are rather honorary than
+agreeable to the individual by whom they are exercised. In ordering a
+dinner or forming a Cabinet his wishes were equally disregarded, and if he
+happened to have objected to a particular dish he was very likely to be
+told there was nothing else in the house; while Murray, Bothwell, and
+Huntley, whom he hated, were appointed to the ministry. It was at length
+determined to get him entirely out of the way; and, as he happened to have
+taken the small-pox, it was agreed that he should sleep out, on account of
+the baby, who, though very soon cowed in his alter life, had not undergone
+the process of vaccination, for the simple reason that Dr. Jenner had not
+invented it. Darnley had consequently a bed at a lonely house called the
+Kirk-a-field, where he was taken in only that he might be the more
+effectually done for by his enemies.
+</p>
+<p>
+An explosion was heard in the middle of the night, and on the next morning
+the house was found in ruins, with Darnley doubled up under a tree at some
+considerable distance. It was reported that lightning had been the cause
+of the event; but it is not likely that lightning would have known how to
+conduct itself with such precision as to have carried Darnley out of a
+three-pair of stairs window, and lay him down at a considerable distance
+from the house, without breaking a bone, or inflicting a bruise of any
+description whatever. There is every ground for suspicion that Bothwell
+and his colleagues were instrumental to Darnley's death; but in order to
+throw dust&mdash;or gold dust&mdash;in the public eye, they offered a
+reward of �2,000 for the murderers. This liberality was cheap enough, for
+they knew they could not be called upon to pay any reward, they being
+themselves the parties for whom they advertised. A paper war was
+nevertheless commenced upon the walls, in which the murderers were
+advertised for on one side, and pointed out by name upon the other, when
+fresh rewards were offered, and the bill-stickers warned to beware of the
+libel they were helping to disseminate. At length, such a stir was
+created, that, on the 12th of April, 1567, Bothwell was put upon his
+trial, when by some wilful negligence the counsel for the prosecution had
+no brief, and was of coarse unable to offer any evidence. The accused was
+accordingly acquitted, and the ends of Justice were defeated in a manner
+that sometimes prevails in our own day, by an omission to instruct
+counsel; which seems to be a failing that may at least claim the merit of
+antiquity.
+</p>
+<p>
+Though Bothwell was not to be executed for his crime, he was destined to
+be married; which, next to the capital penalty, was perhaps the highest he
+could pay, particularly as Mary, who had already seen out a couple of
+husbands and a favourite, was the lady destined for his future partner.
+Bothwell had the audacity to give a supper at a tavern in Edinburgh, at
+the close of the session of Parliament&mdash;an entertainment somewhat
+similar to our ministerial whitebait arrangement at Blackwall&mdash;when
+he drew from his pocket a recommendation of himself as a fitting husband
+for the Queen of Scotland. Eight bishops, nine earls, and seven lords,
+most of whom were under the influence of toddy, which turned them into
+toadies of Bothwell, affixed their names to the document; and armed with
+this instrument, he, at the head of a thousand horse, effected the
+forcible abduction of Mary on her way from Stirling Castle. An elopement
+on such an extensive scale was something very unusual, even in those days
+of extravagance, and it has been doubted whether it was with Mary's own
+consent that Bothwell ran away with her. It is, however, indisputable that
+after making him Duke of Orkney on the 12th of May, she married him on the
+15th, and a number of fresh raps from Knox followed, as a matter of
+course, the imprudence she had been guilty of. Her subjects took so much
+offence at this proceeding, that they rose against her; and Bothwell,
+abandoning her to her fate by flying to Denmark, left her to settle the
+matter as she could with her own people. A defenceless woman, and a female
+in distress, was of course impotent against an army of raw Scotchmen&mdash;whose
+rawness is so excessive, that they can very seldom be done&mdash;and Mary
+was consigned as a prisoner to the island of Lochleven. It may be as well
+to dispose of Bothwell at once, before we proceed; and, having traced him
+to Denmark, we meet him picking up a scanty subsistence by doing what we
+are justified in terming pirates' work in general. The badness of business
+or some other cause ultimately turned his head, and we find him
+subsequently an inmate of an asylum for lunatics. Here he took to writing
+confessions; but some of them were so vague, and all of them so
+contradictory, that, recollecting the horrid story-teller Bothwell was
+known to be, we are at a loss to decide how much credit may be attached to
+his statements. If, as a general rule, we may believe half what is said,
+we shall believe nothing that Bothwell has told us; for he has himself
+contradicted one half of his own story, and the other moiety must be
+struck off in pursuance of the principle we have just been adverting to.
+The fact of his death, not having come from his own mouth, may, however,
+be safely relied upon.
+</p>
+<p>
+While Mary was a prisoner at Lochleven, her subjects took advantage of her
+helplessness to make her sign her own abdication, and settle the crown on
+the head of her baby son, whose first caps had scarcely been laid aside
+when they had to be replaced by the royal diadem. Her half-brother,
+Murray, was appointed regent, and coming over to Scotland he was crowned
+at Stirling, where all who declared themselves sterling friends of poor
+Mary gave in their adherence to the new ruler.
+</p>
+<p>
+There was staying with the governor of the prison a young hobble-dehoy of
+the name of George Douglas, who, being on a visit to his brother, was
+allowed the privilege of seeing the royal captive. Master George Douglas,
+in natural accordance with the sentimentality peculiar to seventeen, fell
+sheepishly in love with the handsome Mary. She gave some encouragement to
+the gawky youth, but rather with the view of getting him to aid her in an
+escape, than out of any regard to the over sensitive stripling. Going to
+his brother's bedroom in the night, the boy took the keys from the basket
+in which they were deposited, and letting Mary out, he handed her to a
+skiff and took her for a row, without thinking of the row his conduct was
+leading to.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0166" id="linkimage-0166"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/467m.jpg" alt="467m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/467.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+When she reached the shore she was joined by several friends, and marched,
+as the only lady among six thousand men, in the direction of Dumbarton.
+Murray, however, was instantly on the alert, and meeting her near Glasgow,
+he gave her such a routing, that she was glad to fly anywhere she could,
+to get out of the way of his rough treatment. After some little
+consideration she determined to make for England; and, throwing herself
+and retinue into a fishing-smack, she sailed smack for Workington, whence
+she resolved on walking to Carlisle, against the advice of her followers.
+</p>
+<p>
+Though Elizabeth had expressed some sympathy towards Mary in her
+struggles, the English queen determined that her Scottish sister was not a
+person that could be received at the Court of a virgin&mdash;and such a
+virgin&mdash;sovereign. The unfortunate woman, who had come over for
+protection as a fugitive, was at once made a prisoner, first at Carlisle
+and then at Bolton, when she was virtually put upon her trial for the
+purpose of ascertaining whether she was good enough to be visited by that
+dragon of virtue, the chaste Elizabeth.
+</p>
+<p>
+In order to inculpate the Queen of Scots, an old melodramatic incident,
+that then perhaps had the merit of novelty, was resorted to by Murray, who
+produced, towards the closing scene of the trial, a packet of letters, by
+which it was pretended that Mary had furnished proofs of her own share in
+the murder of her husband Darnley. It was not very likely that, if guilty,
+she would have taken the trouble to commit the fact to paper, or to leave
+the letters about; and it only wanted a dagger wrapped in rag smeared over
+with red ochre, to complete the melodramatic <i>d�nouement</i> that Murray
+seemed anxious to arrive at. These "properties," if we may be allowed the
+expression, had an unfavourable effect upon Mary's cause, and a delay
+having taken place in the proceedings, Murray took advantage of it to
+offer to wash out the red ochre from the retributive rag, and throw all
+the letters in the fire, on condition of his being left to do as he
+pleased with the Scotch regency. To this proposition Mary refused to
+accede, and defied him to the proof of his charges, which were believed to
+be chiefly false; and she retaliated upon him by accusing him of having
+been accessory to the death of Darnley. As Elizabeth candidly acknowledged
+that she believed neither, she at first thought of punishing both; but at
+length Murray was furnished with means to return home, while poor Mary was
+conveyed to Tutbury in the county of Stafford, where it does not appear
+that even the old woman of Tutbury was allowed to be sometimes the
+companion of her captivity.
+</p>
+<p>
+The royal prisoner was now under the supervision of the Earl of
+Shrewsbury, and was permitted, at last, to see a few visitors, several of
+whom were smitten by the charms of one who, though become a little pass�,
+was, from the gentleness of her manners, always sure to be popular.
+Norfolk was so much taken with her that he offered her his hand, and
+promised to employ it in handing her on to the throne of England. As there
+was still an obstacle to the marriage, outstanding in the name of
+Bothwell, Mary could only consent, subject to that person's approval. The
+piratical business in Denmark having become slack, he was glad to take a
+small bonus to agree to a divorce, and an alliance between Norfolk and
+Mary, Queen of Scots, was understood, in private circles, to be one of the
+marriages in high life, which the season would soon see solemnised.
+Unfortunately for the parties interested, Mary had to send a remittance,
+in the year 1571, to some friends in Scotland, and the post being either
+irregular or untrustworthy, she had despatched the communication by hand,
+through one Banister, a confidential servant of the Duke of Norfolk.
+</p>
+<p>
+Banister, who was not in the secret, went gaping about with the letter in
+his hand, and, thinking there was something mysterious about it, took it
+to Lord Burleigh, whose significant shakes of the head have earned him a
+note of admiration (!) in the pages of history. Burleigh, taking the
+letter in his hand, and placing his fore-finger on the side of his nose,
+began to wag his head from side to side, like the pendulum of a clock, as
+if he would be up to the time of day, according to his usual fashion;
+when, deliberately holding the letter up to the light, he, in the most
+ungentlemanly manner, perused every word of it.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0167" id="linkimage-0167"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/469m.jpg" alt="469m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/469.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+He ascertained that Norfolk and Mary were contriving to drive Elizabeth
+from the throne, and the duke was accordingly brought to trial. The
+stupidity of his servants completed his ruin, for his secretary, instead
+of destroying the evidences of his master's guilt, had merely stowed them
+away under the door mats, and stuffed them among the tiles, so that the
+house from top to toe bore testimony to the guilt of its owner. He was
+beheaded in 1752, Elizabeth declaring, as she always did when it was too
+late, that she intended pardoning him, but that somehow or other her royal
+clemency was not forthcoming until it was too late to be of any use to its
+contemplated object.
+</p>
+<p>
+The queen was urged by many of her admirers to get rid of Mary at once;
+but, as a cat delights to play with a mouse, Elizabeth seemed to take
+pleasure in exercising a feline influence over her unfortunate prisoner.
+The Protestant cause had, about this time, been violently assailed in
+France, and Elizabeth encouraged the departure of English volunteers to
+aid the French Huguenots. Among the British auxiliary legion that went
+forth on this expedition were, of course, a number of adventurers, but one
+of them in particular, was destined to cut a conspicuous figure in the
+history of his country. This was Walter Raleigh, who had been in the habit
+of huzzaing at every royal progress, and keeping up a loyal shouting at
+the side of the carriage of the queen, whenever he met it in the public
+thoroughfares. In her visits to Greenwich, Raleigh was often found waiting
+at the stairs to see her land, and on one occasion the queen was about to
+set her foot in a puddle, when the adventurer, taking off his cloak,
+converted it into a temporary square of carpeting, to prevent Elizabeth
+from making a greater splash than she intended, on her arrival at
+Greenwich. The cloak itself was of no particular value, and a little water
+was more likely to freshen it up than to detract from its already faded
+beauty; but the incident flattered the vanity of the queen, and it is said
+that she never forgot the delicate attention that Walter Raleigh had shown
+to her.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0168" id="linkimage-0168"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/470m.jpg" alt="470m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/470.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+In the year 1571 a rumour got into circulation that a match was on the <i>tapis</i>
+between Mary and the Duke of Anjou, one of the brothers of the French
+king; and though the report was unfounded, Elizabeth was so jealous of
+anyone marrying anybody but herself, that she, for about the twentieth
+time, threw herself into the European market, as an eligible investment
+for any one who would venture upon a speculation of such a very awful
+character. She sent over Walsingham as her ambassador, to see what could
+be done; but the Duke of Anjou, after sufficient negotiation to put an end
+to any match that might have been contemplated between Mary and himself,
+had the firmness to decline the honour of an alliance with Elizabeth. The
+aged angler next baited a hook for the young Duke of Alen�on, the boy
+brother of the Duke of Anjou, but the friends of the child stepped in to
+prevent the sacrifice.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was not long after the events we have described, that a conspiracy to
+take Mary out of prison, and put Elizabeth out of the world, was by
+accident discovered. One Babington, a man of ardent mind, was implicated
+in this disgraceful affair, which was discovered by the dangerous and
+irregular practice of thrusting letters through chinks in walls,&mdash;at
+a time, however, when the post-office arrangements were not so complete as
+to afford the comfort and convenience of a regular letterbox. Mary was
+undeniably implicated in the plot, which was so clumsily carried on that
+fourteen of the parties concerned were executed before she even knew that
+the scheme had been detected. She was taking an airing on a palfrey&mdash;one
+of those whose wretched trappings had made her think "comparisons are
+indeed odious," as she thought of her riding excursions in her dear France&mdash;when
+a messenger from the queen turned her horse's head towards Fotheringay
+Castle, in Northamptonshire. Commissioners were instantly sent down to try
+her for conspiracy, and on the 25th of October, 1586, sentence was
+pronounced against her in the Star Chamber.
+</p>
+<p>
+When Elizabeth heard the decision, she affected the utmost reluctance to
+sign the warrant for Mary's execution; and, indeed, this reluctance seems
+to have been somewhat sincere, for she wished the death of her rival
+without any of the odium attaching to a share in an act of so much
+cruelty. The English queen would have preferred that one of her subjects
+should have anticipated the effect of a death-warrant, by taking the life
+of Mary a little in advance; but no one was base or brutal enough to
+further the obvious wishes of the female tyrant. The signing of the
+warrant was performed amid sighs and tears, before Sir Robert Cary, Dame
+Gary, and the little Carys, when some of the children thought they
+recognised tears of sincerity falling from Elizabeth's eyes; but Mother
+Cary's chickens we must not depend upon. After some months of delay and
+duplicity, during which poor Mary was kept in a state of suspense more
+cruel than death itself, the warrant was signed; but Elizabeth
+endeavoured, as far as possible, to throw the blame on her ministers. This
+only aggravates her conduct, for her being ashamed of it, shows she was
+aware of its enormity, and that she did not consider herself to be merely
+performing an act of straightforward duty, though a painful one, in
+consigning to an ignominious death her sister sovereign. Mary was executed
+on the 7th of February, 1587, in the forty-fifth year of her age; and it
+is said that when the executioner held up her head by its auburn locks,
+they came off in his hand, and the grey stubble underneath proved too
+plainly that Mary had lived for many years a secret adherent to wig
+principles.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0039" id="link2HCH0039"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE TENTH. ELIZABETH (CONCLUDED).
+</h2>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">A</span> few weeks had elapsed after the execution of poor Mary, when an
+ambassador, to palaver over the unfortunate queen's only son, James, was
+sent to Scotland by Elizabeth. When the lad first heard the news he began
+to roar like a calf, and quiver like an arrow. He vowed vengeance, in a
+voice of soprano shrillness, and the homely figure of a storm in a
+slop-basin was faithfully realised.
+</p>
+<p>
+The ambassador let him have his cry completely out, and then drawing
+himself up with an air of some dignity, observed, "When you have left off
+roaring, and can hear me speak, I will tell you the rights of it."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Nobody has any right to murder my mamma," was the reply of the boy, who
+again opened the sluices of his grief, and allowed the tears to irrigate
+his face with a couple of meandering rivulets. At length, silence being
+obtained, the ambassador declared that the amputation of Mary's head was
+accidental as far as Elizabeth was concerned; but, "axe-i-dental, you
+mean," was the bitter reply of her sobbing offspring. The messenger,
+nevertheless, persisted that the Queen of England meant nothing by signing
+the death-warrant; that, in fact, she had been "only in fun"; and as he
+wound up with the offer of an increased pension to James, the heartless
+brat dried his eyes, with the observation that "What's done can't be
+undone," and pocketed a quarter in advance of his enlarged income. That
+Elizabeth had really been determined upon Mary's death, is a point upon
+which our sagacious readers will require no enlightenment; for to them the
+character of the royal catamountain&mdash;we use the Johnsonian word, in
+preference to the old, familiar term of catamaran&mdash;will be clear,
+from the gallons of midnight oil which we have bestowed upon it. How to
+get rid of Mary was, in fact, a subject of frequent deliberation between
+the English queen and her creatures&mdash;pretty creatures they were&mdash;among
+whom Leicester and Walsingham stood prominent. Leicester had proposed
+poison, while Elizabeth suggested assassination; but the dagger and bowl,
+the emblems of legitimate tragedy, were both laid aside for the farce of a
+trial. When the sanguinary business was done, the chief actors in it threw
+the blame upon the subordinates, and poor Mr. Secretary Davison was
+declared by Elizabeth to have been the sole cause of the execution of the
+Scottish queen, because he had assisted in executing the deed that
+consigned her to the Scaffold. When Davison was accused of the act, he
+went about exclaiming, "I! Well, that is the coolest!&mdash;'Pon my word!
+What next?" But he soon found what was next, for he was committed to
+prison, and fined �10,000, merely to give colour to the accusation. When
+confidentially apprised of the cause of his detention, he went into
+hysterics at the half-ridiculous, half-melancholy, idea of his being
+impounded to give colour to a charge which was altogether false; and "It
+only just cleans me out!&mdash;ruins me, by Jove!" was the touching remark
+he made as he paid the entire fine imposed upon him, and quitted the
+prison.
+</p>
+<p>
+Philip of Spain was now becoming desirous of an attack upon England,
+without having any definite views, beyond a desire for mischief, which was
+inherent in his character. He had got together a very formidable fleet,
+and Elizabeth taking alarm, tried all sorts of plans to check his warlike
+purpose. One of the expedients of her ministers&mdash;and it was not a bad
+one&mdash;was to throw discredit on a quantity of Philip's bills, in the
+hope of his finding a difficulty in getting them discounted. Sir Francis
+Drake was despatched to Cadiz with a fleet of thirty sail, and Elizabeth
+having on his departure said to him, affectionately, "Go, and do your
+best, Drake&mdash;there's a duck," he dashed into Cadiz Bay, knocked down
+four castles, sunk a hundred ships&mdash;forecastles included&mdash;and
+going home by the Tagus, took a large man-of-war from under the very nose
+of the Marquis of Santa Cruz, and then made him a polite obeisance from
+the bow of the vessel.
+</p>
+<p>
+Philip did not relax in his preparations for invading England, and he got
+together a very numerous fleet, by hiring vessels wherever he could, and
+sending his emissaries to engage a whole squadron at a time, like an
+individual, who, jumping into the first cab on a stand, desires the whole
+rank to follow him. The Armada&mdash;for such it was called&mdash;became,
+of course, rather numerous than select; but there is no doubt that if its
+quality was queer, its quantity was most respectable.
+</p>
+<p>
+The naval service of England had been so shabbily provided for, that the
+British fleet did not exceed thirty-six sail of the line; though
+by-the-by, as the authorities have just told us that Drake took or
+demolished one hundred ships at Cadiz, there seems a slight error in
+figures, which will occasionally happen in the best regulated histories.
+As it was not known where the enemy was to land, the High Admiral, Lord
+Howard of Effingham, was obliged to exclaim&mdash;"Now, gentlemen, spread
+yourselves, spread yourselves!" as he ordered Drake, Hawkins, and
+Frobisher to the command of their various detachments. The gallant Drake
+took up his station at Ushant, as if he would have said "You shan't!" to
+any foe who might have come to that point to effect a landing. Hawkins
+cruised near the Scilly Islands to look out, as he said, for the silly
+fellows who should come in his-way; and Lord Henry Seymour cruised along
+the Flanders coast, while other captains vigorously scoured the Chops of
+the Channel. It was expected that the Spanish Armada would have come down
+the Thames, and perhaps amused themselves with an excursion to
+Rosherville, which was strongly fortified, as well as all the places on
+the river. The Boshervillians threw themselves into the arms of their
+resident baron; and the peaceful inhabitants of Sheerness prepared to
+fight, out of sheer necessity. Catholics and Protestants vied with each
+other in eagerness to repel the invader from their shores; and the gallant
+fellows living near the Tower, declared in their blunt but expressive
+language, that "though the foe might pass a Gravesend, outlive a
+Blackwall, or go in safety through a Greenwich, he would most assuredly
+never survive a Wapping!"
+</p>
+<p>
+The queen herself, having driven down in her tilbury to Tilbury Fort,
+mounted a saddle-horse, and, flushed by her nautical enthusiasm, she
+looked a very horse-marine as she cantered about upon, her steed in the
+presence of her people. The Earls of Essex and Leicester having held her
+rein, she majestically bridled up, and sent forth among the crowd a volley
+of clap-traps, declaring she had come among them, as the song says&mdash;
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+"To conquer, to conqu-e-e-er,
+To co-o-onquer, or to boldly die-i-i-i-e."
+</pre>
+<p>
+At length it was determined by Philip that the Spanish Armada should set
+out; and, as Strype pleasantly tells us, "a pretty set-out they made of
+it." Poor Santa Cruz, the high admiral, made a most unlucky hit to begin
+with, by falling ill and dying, when his second in command, the Duke of
+Parma, followed his leader's example, with most inconvenient rapidity.
+</p>
+<p>
+The chief command was given to the Duke of Medina Sidonia, "who was a very
+good man, but a very bad sailor," * and knew so little of maritime
+affairs, that he is reported to have sent to a dealer in marine stores for
+an outfit. At length the <i>Invincible Armada</i> was ready to put to sea,
+and they succeeded in "shoving her off," on the 20th of May, 1588, from
+the Tagus. The seas, which evidently had no notion of being ruled by any
+but Britannia, turned turbulent under the Spanish usurpers, and a
+generalising of the waves made it a toss-up whether Medina Sidonia and his
+fleet would ride out the storm in safety. Four of the ships were actually
+lost, and nearly all the rest dispersed, and when the high admiral called
+upon his subordinate officers to be "calm and collected," he found that
+the storm had not allowed them to be either the one or the other. Having
+got his forces together again, as well as he could, the Spanish admiral
+made another start towards the English coast, and appeared off the Lizard
+Point, with his fleet drawn up in the form of a crescent, being seven
+miles from horn to horn, and presenting to the enemy the horns of a
+dilemma. The English were on shore at Plymouth, playing at bowls on the
+Hoe, and Drake, who was getting the better of the game, declared he would
+play it out, for there was no hurry, as he could beat his companions
+first, and the Spaniards afterwards. Having, at length, taken to their
+vessels, the British watched the foe as they came rolling in their heavy,
+lumbering ships up the channel. Their guns were planted so high up that
+they shot entirely over the English vessels, and into one another, while
+their unwieldy size rendering them unmanageable, several of them being
+banged to bits by a series of frightful collisions. To add to the
+confusion, one of the vessels took fire, and was burnt, by an accident of
+the cook on board, who, it has been ingeniously suggested, was trying to
+fry some of the celebrated chops of the channel, "which," as Mrs. Markham
+says, in her very excellent Abridgment, "you know, my little dears, you
+have all heard talked about."
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* <i>Vide</i> George Cruikshank's renowned etching.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Another large vessel sprung her mast, another sprung a leak, a third burst
+her binnacle, a fourth shivered her timbers, a fifth lost all her fore
+part; and the crew were driven by stern necessity into the stem; while on
+all sides, there prevailed the utmost confusion. Medina Sidonia retired to
+the back yard of one of his ships, where he sat dejected and alone, and
+after a good deal of skirmishing, in which the Spaniards got the worst of
+it at all points of the compass, the duke made the best of his way home
+again. He arrived at Santander about the end of September, 1588, with the
+mere skeleton of the force he had started with, and every sailor he
+brought back was in himself a complete wreck of what he had been when he
+quitted his own country. Thus ended the grand design of invading England
+by means of the Spanish Armada, which, to say the truth, did more mischief
+to itself than it sustained at the hands of the enemy. Had a public
+meeting been held at the time to celebrate the victory, we are sure that
+any English patriot might have proposed a vote of thanks to the Armada,
+for the "able and impartial manner in which it banged itself almost to
+pieces, with a total disregard of its own interests, and to the
+incalculable advantage of England."
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 4th of September, 1588, Leicester, the queen's favourite, died on
+his way to Kenilworth; but Elizabeth never felt the loss, for she had
+already effected a transfer of her affections to Robert Devereux, the
+young Earl of Essex. Her grief at Leicester's death was so slight that it
+did not prevent her from putting an execution into his house, sweeping off
+all he had, under a bill of sale, and submitting it to the public hammer
+in order to repay herself the sums she had advanced to him in his
+lifetime. Essex was a mere boy, and the part of favourite to a
+disagreeable ugly old woman like "our Bessy," was by no means a sinecure.
+He was expected to appear at all times as the light comedian of the Court,
+and was compelled to exercise flattery ana gallantry towards a harridan
+who neither justified the one nor inspired the other. He took the earliest
+opportunity of getting away from her for a short time, by going to sea
+against her express orders; but he would have braved anything for a
+respite from the society of the royal bore, whose fondness had become
+odious to its object, though policy restrained him from openly saying so.
+On his return home, he found himself almost cut out of the queen's good
+graces by Sir Walter Raleigh, whose name we have already mentioned as that
+of a young adventurer. Raleigh was a distinguished navigator, which does
+not mean that he worked on the cuttings of a railway; but that he belonged
+to a very humble line, is a point there is not a doubt upon. His
+reputation rests chiefly on the luggage he brought with him after one of
+his voyages, when some potatoes, and a few ounces of tobacco crammed into
+his <i>sac de nuit</i> were destined to hand him down to immortality. The
+most popular vegetable the world ever saw, has put Raleigh into
+everybody's mouth; and when we see the cloud rising from the cigar, our
+imagination may trace, in the "smoke that so gracefully curls," the name
+of one whoso renown cannot be whiffed away into the regions of oblivion.
+</p>
+<p>
+The jealousy of Essex caused Raleigh to be sent into Ireland, where he
+remained for years; and his long sojourn may account for the hold that the
+potato had taken upon the affections of the Irish people.
+</p>
+<p>
+His rival being thus summarily got rid of, Essex was left to make his way
+with the "virgin queen," who was now verging on old age, and treated her
+young favourite less as a subject than a son; for she had come to that
+time of life when anything she could show in the shape of fondness
+deserved the epithet of motherly. The boy was a fine one of his age, being
+brave and good-looking; but Burleigh and other wise counsellors, seeing
+that Essex made a fool of the queen, or rather, that she made a fool of
+herself by her partiality for him, took a dislike to the stripling. On one
+occasion, old Elizabeth getting kittenish and playful, boxed the boy's
+ears, which tingled with the pain&mdash;for her hand had become bony from
+age&mdash;when he laid his hand upon his sword, and was thrown into
+disgrace, like a child who had been guilty of naughtiness. He was soon
+recalled, and promising that he would "never do so any more," he rapidly
+resumed his place in the favour of the royal dotard.
+</p>
+<p>
+The death of Burleigh, on the 4th of August, 1598, for whom the
+hurly-burly of politics had been too much, left the entire field to Essex,
+and he made the most of it, by getting the appointment of Lord Lieutenant
+of Ireland; from which he derived the double advantage of advancing his
+own views and getting away from Elizabeth. He took with him a considerable
+force, which he somehow or other frittered away without doing any good
+whatever: and after losing several of his soldiers by marching them
+completely off their legs, he determined that he must have "a truce to
+such an unpleasant sort of thing," and entered at once into a truce with
+the enemy. Elizabeth, who had calculated upon his settling the Irish
+question at the point of the sword, was disgusted at his failure, and
+desired him not to come home till he had subjected his honour to thorough
+repair, and taken all the stains out of his character. As he had no relish
+for the task imposed upon him, he suddenly quitted his post, and hastening
+to England, arrived at the palace covered with mud and dirt, for he had
+made a regular steeple-chase of the latter part of his journey. Without
+going home to change his boots, he rushed into the presence-chamber before
+the queen was up, and, without asking any questions, he pushed his way to
+her dressing room. He found her completely <i>en d�shabille</i>, and
+started back at finding her hair on a block before her, instead of on her
+head, for she had got her wig in hand, and was trying to turn and twist it
+into a becoming form, by means of powder, pomatum, tongs, combs, and
+curl-papers. Startled by his sudden appearance, she hastened to put
+herself to rights as well as she could, and was angry at the intrusion;
+but as he fell at her feet, she contrived to cover the baldness of her
+head, and then received him more affably. He had no sooner gone than she
+began to reflect upon his presumption in having thus taken her unawares;
+and when he returned, after going home to dress, she would have nothing to
+say to him. He was desired to stay at home, and consider himself a
+prisoner in his own house; but as the old crone had allowed so many former
+familiarities, he was quite unprepared for the game of propriety she was
+now practising. He went home and took to his bed, for it made him
+perfectly sick to witness the sudden prudery of the queen, who during his
+illness sent him a daily basin of broth from her own table. She ordered
+eight eminent physicians to consult on his case; but this calling in of a
+powerful medical force looks very much as if she had been disposed to get
+rid of him, and preferred physic to law for once, as a method of
+destruction. In spite of his eight doctors Essex got better, and sent
+submissive messages, to which Elizabeth turned a deaf ear; and Essex, by
+attributing her deafness to age, irritated her beyond expression. He was
+told that he would find her unbending; when he at once replied that he had
+found her bent nearly double, when he last had the honour of seeing her,
+and he was glad to hear that royalty was once more beginning to look up in
+England, by taking its proper position. These remarks irritated Elizabeth
+beyond expression; and having brought him before the privy council, she
+caused a sentence of banishment to be inflicted upon him, which he
+sarcastically declared was agreeable to him, as it would keep from him the
+sight of Elizabeth, whom he now denominated his "old queene." Anxious to
+try the effect of intimidation upon the nervous septuagenarian who now sat
+upon the throne, he entered into a conspiracy with Scotland; but it was
+soon found out, and, rushing with desperate fury into the streets, he
+tried to raise a mob by addressing inflammatory speeches to the populace.
+The citizens looked at him and listened to him, but shaking their heads,
+passed on, when he soon found out that a solo movement unsupported by any
+concerted piece, rendered him truly ridiculous. At length he was hurried
+off to the Tower, and having been tried, he was condemned to die, though
+he fully expected the palsied old creature who held the sceptre in her
+tremulous hand, would, in a love-sick mood, decree his pardon.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is said that in "happier days," when Essex had been in the habit of
+striking "the light, the light, the light guitar," to the tinlike sound of
+Elizabeth's voice, she had given him a ring, telling him if ever he fell
+into disgrace, the return of that ring would obtain his pardon. Elizabeth
+was from day to day listening to every knock, expecting the identical
+ring, but it never came, and on the 25th of February, 1601, he was
+actually beheaded. Elizabeth never held up her head again; but, indeed, as
+she had long contracted a stoop from debility and old age, there is
+nothing astonishing in the fact we have mentioned. The spectacle of an old
+woman pining in love after a mere boy, was revolting enough; but the fact
+is made doubly disgusting by the recollection that she had herself caused
+the death of the object of her disreputable dotage.
+</p>
+<p>
+Some time after the execution of Essex, the Countess of Nottingham was
+taken ill, and sending for Elizabeth confessed that the favourite had
+given the ring before his death to be delivered to the queen, but that it
+had been kept back for party purposes. The sovereign, who was shaking in
+every limb from ambiguity and agitation, flew at the Countess of
+Nottingham in her bed, seized her by the shoulder, and administered the
+most violent cuffs that a female of seventy is capable of bestowing on one
+who has offended her. "Take that&mdash;and that&mdash;and that&mdash;and
+that&mdash;and that!"&mdash;was the cry of the queen, as she suited the
+action to the word in every instance. The exertion was too much for the
+tottering fabric of human frailty, who threw herself on the floor when she
+got to her own room, and refusing to go to bed, rolled about for ten days
+on a pile of cushions. Being asked to name her successor, she is said by
+some to have specified James; while others maintain that she said nothing.
+When she was too exhausted to oppose her attendants, they got her into
+bed, and on the 24th of March, 1603, she died in the seventieth year of
+her age, and forty-fifth of her reign.
+</p>
+<p>
+Many people have a very natural objection to written characters, but we
+feel compelled to give a written character of Queen Elizabeth; and we are
+sorry to remark, that we can say very little that will be thought
+complimentary. In person she was bony, coarse, muscular and masculine. Her
+hair was red, but this she inherited from her father Henry, and thus her
+red hair has been said, by that mountebank, Stiype, to have been
+he-red-hair-tary at that time in the royal family. She endeavoured, by the
+aid of dress, to make up for the unkindness of Nature; and she surrounded
+herself with a quantity of hoops, which, as her figure was rather
+tub-like, may be considered appropriate. She never gave away her old
+clothes, and no less than three thousand dresses were found at her death,
+the bodies of which, it is said, would have covered half London at its
+then size, while the skirts would have covered all the outskirts. Her
+portrait is always drawn with an enormous ruff round her neck, which she
+adopted, it is believed, to hide the roughness of her chin, which showed
+Nature to be her enemy, for it had bearded her frightfully.
+</p>
+<p>
+She was exceedingly fond of visiting the houses of the nobility; but she
+usually ruined all whom she honoured in this way, by the expense they were
+put to in entertaining her. Lord Leicester, who had her staying with him
+at Kenilworth, for a few days, nearly ruined himself in bears, of which he
+took in a great quantity to bait for the amusement of his sovereign.
+</p>
+<p>
+In disposition, manners and appearance, there was nothing feminine or
+graceful about Elizabeth; but Hume, who seems very fond of her, tells us,
+that in weighing her, one ought to sink the female and think only of the
+sovereign. We cannot, however, understand a person being at the same time
+a good queen and a bad woman, unless the woman happens to be somebody
+beside herself, when she is obviously unfit to be trusted with the
+responsibility of government. Elizabeth had a certain amount of talent;
+"for she had," says Hume, "both temper and capacity;" but capacity seems
+to have belonged rather to the bony bulkiness of her unfeminine form, than
+to the extent of her intellect.
+</p>
+<p>
+Her private character was exceedingly disreputable; and her amorous
+propensities, which seemed rather to increase with her old age, rendered
+her disgusting to her contemporaries, as well as ridiculous in the eyes of
+posterity. She was constantly in love with some stripling about the Court,
+who, when he became <i>un peu pass�</i>, was thrown aside for some more
+juvenile admirer.
+</p>
+<p>
+There can be no doubt that the admirable character of <i>Mrs. Skewton</i>,
+if we may be allowed an irreverent allusion to fiction amidst the awful
+solemnities of fact, is to be attributed to the extensive historical
+research of Mr. Dickens, and his intimate acquaintance with the period of
+the reign of Elizabeth. It may be admitted that she governed with
+considerable firmness; but the praise, such as it is, of "coming it
+exceedingly strong," is, after all, a most questionable compliment.
+</p>
+<p>
+Several of the greatest names in science and literature shed a glory on
+Elizabeth's reign; but the most magnificent sunshine, by falling on a mean
+object, does not make the object itself in reality more respectable.
+Bacon, Shakespeare, Spenser and others, are said to have flourished at the
+time; but we have examined their autographs with peculiar care, and have
+seen no symptoms of flourishing about any one of them. To say they all
+wrote at the period would be true; but to say they flourished is an
+exaggeration to which we will not lend ourselves.
+</p>
+<p>
+The reign of Elizabeth was, at least, considerably in advance of our own
+time in one respect, for it is remarkable for the passing of a Poor Law
+which, unlike that of the present day, was founded on the principles of
+humanity. This blot, however, will, we trust, be removed in time for a
+sixth&mdash;though not quite quickly enough for a second, third, fourth or
+fifth&mdash;edition of this work; for the Spirit of the Times has doomed
+the Poor Law to perdition.
+</p>
+<p>
+Theatres first came into vogue in Elizabeth's reign; and it is a fact at
+which our sober reverence for the Swan of Avon takes considerable alarm,
+that that ever-to-be-lamented bird was in the habit of exercising his
+quills in the neighbourhood of the New Cut, at a concern called the Globe,
+where the prices were only twopence to the pit, and one penny in the
+gallery. The critics sat on the stage, and were furnished with pipes and
+tobacco&mdash;a gentle intimation to them to "draw it mild" in their
+notices of the performances. It is possible, that through the fumes of the
+tobacco they got a bird's-eye view of the stage, which was favourable to
+the performance of their critical duties. The audience used to read, play
+at cards, smoke, and drink, before the performance began; and perhaps, if
+the piece happened to be dull, they relieved it by some of those pastimes
+even during its progress.
+</p>
+<p>
+Smoking, which has since reached such universality that every man one
+meets is a chimney, and every boy a flue, is known to have been introduced
+by Raleigh, who, fearing; that his friends would rally him on the
+propensity, used to indulge it in secret. One day some smoke was seen to
+issue from his apartment, and the people about him, fearing he was on
+fire, inundated him with buckets of water that put him out very seriously,
+and determined him in future not to smoke the pipe of privacy. The mode of
+living was not very luxurious in Elizabeth's reign, for a glass of ale and
+a slice of bread formed the ordinary breakfast, while brawn was an article
+of general consumption; and, as Elizabeth was very fond of it, her great
+brawny arms are easily accounted for.
+</p>
+<p>
+An attempt has been made to attribute various graces and accomplishments
+to Elizabeth, which, even after attempting to enlarge our credulity, and
+stir up our organ of veneration to its fullest extent, we are unable to
+give her credit for. It is said that she played, sang, and danced
+tolerably well, though her figure seems to give very weighty testimony
+against her probable possession of the last of these accomplishments.
+</p>
+<p>
+She admired dancing among her courtiers, and she is said to have promoted
+Hatton for his terpsiohorean efforts, she having once seen him practising
+his steps, when she declared that he held himself so well in the first
+position, that she would elevate him to the first positions soon as
+possible. Elizabeth, though profuse in her own indulgences, was stingy in
+the extreme to others, and her accumulation of old clothes proves a
+tenacity of bad habits, and a shabbiness towards her <i>femme de chambre</i>,
+that are on a par with the other despicable points in her character.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2H_4_0048" id="link2H_4_0048"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+BOOK VI. FROM THE PERIOD OF THE ACCESSION OF JAMES THE FIRST TO THE
+RESTORATION OF CHARLES THE SECOND.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0040" id="link2HCH0040"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE FIRST. JAMES THE FIRST.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0169" id="linkimage-0169"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/482m.jpg" alt="482m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/482.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+HE moment the queen died, Cecil and the other Lords of the Council
+sneaked out through the back garden gate of the Palace at Richmond at
+three o'clock in the morning on the 24th of March, 1603, and posted for
+Scotland to James, whom they hailed as the brightest Jem that had ever
+adorned the throne. Cecil having long been in correspondence with the
+Scotch king, had only been waiting to see which way the cat jumped, or, in
+other words, for the death of the queen, and she had lived so long that he
+began to think the royal cat had nine lives, whioh delayed her final jump
+much longer than her minister desired..
+</p>
+<p>
+Before posting to Scotland, the Lords of the Council had stuck up several
+posters about London, proclaiming James the First amid those shouts which
+"the boys" are ever ready to lend to any purpose for which a mob has been
+got together. The Scotch king was of course glad to exchange the miserable
+cane-bottomed throne of his own country for the comfortably cushioned seat
+of English royalty; but he was so wretchedly poor that he could not even
+start for his new kingdom till it had yielded him enough to pay his
+passage thither. He tried hard to get possession of the crown jewels for
+his wife, but the Council would not trust him with the precious treasures.
+On his way to his new dominions he was received with that enthusiasm which
+a British mob has always on hand for any new object; but he did not
+increase in favour upon being seen; for if a good countenance is a letter
+of recommendation, James carried in his face a few lines that said very
+little in his favour. His legs were too weak for his body, his eyes too
+large for their sockets, and his tongue was too big for his mouth; so that
+his knees knocked without making a hit, his pupils could not be restrained
+by the lash, while his lingual excrescence caused so many a slip between
+the cup and the lip, that his aspect was awkward and disagreeable.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0170" id="linkimage-0170"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/484m.jpg" alt="484m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/484.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+During his journey to London he rode on horseback, but he was such a
+bungling equestrian that he was thrown by a sagacious animal intent on
+having his fling at the expense of the sovereign. Besides being ungainly
+in his person, he did not set it off to the best advantage, for he was
+exceedingly dirty; and thus he appeared to be looking black at everybody,
+for his face was encrusted in dust, and though his predecessor, Elizabeth,
+was very objectionable, he could not boast of coming to the throne with
+clean hands. Power was such a new toy to him that he could not use it in
+moderation, and he made knights at the rate of fifty a day, which caused
+Bacon so far to forget himself as to utter the silly sarcasm, that there
+would be a surfeit of Sirs, if James proceeded in the manner in which he
+was beginning.
+</p>
+<p>
+Conspiracies were soon formed against a monarch so weak, and the
+ambitious. Raleigh, who had been in his youth a mere street adventurer,
+thought he could vault over official posts as easily as he had vaulted,
+over those in the public thoroughfares. His designs being detected, he was
+deprived of some of the offices he possessed, and among others his
+monopoly of licensing taverns, and retailing, wines, for which his
+knowledge of the tobacco business had well fitted him. He plotted with
+Grey, a Puritan, Markham, a Papist, and Cobham, a Nothingarian, to seize
+the person of the king; but the tables were turned upon them by the
+seizure of themselves and their committal to the Tower. Grey, Cobham, and
+Markham were condemned to die; but just as they had laid their heads on
+the block, they were axed if they would rather live, and having answered
+in the affirmative, they were committed to the Tower with Raleigh for the
+remainder of their lives.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Puritans having complained of ecclesiastical abuses. James ordered a
+meeting at Hampton Court between the bishops and their opponents, to talk
+over their differences. The bishops were allowed the first innings, and
+they continued running on for several hours, when James took the matter up
+on the same side, and the Puritans were not allowed to utter a word. After
+the king had talked himself out of breath, and his hearers out of
+patience, Doctor Reynolds was permitted to take a turn on behalf of the
+Puritans; but he was insulted, interrupted, and regularly coughed down
+before he had spoken twenty words. The king then exclaimed, "Well, Doctor,
+is that all you have to say?" Upon which the Doctor, being abashed by the
+unfairness shown towards him, admitted that he was unwilling to proceed.
+James boasted that he had silenced the Puritans; and so he had, but it was
+by intimidation and bluster alone that he had succeeded in doing so.
+</p>
+<p>
+Encouraged by his triumph over a few trembling sectarians, the king called
+Parliament together, expecting to overcome that body; but he found he had
+to deal with some very awkward customers. They questioned his rights,
+refused his salary, and turned coldly from a proposition to unite England
+with Scotland, which they resisted with a sneering assertion that oil and
+vinegar would never agree. Doubting whether he would get much good out of
+Parliament in the temper in which he found it, he abruptly closed the
+session.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Catholics, who were subjected to much persecution, became very angry
+under it, and a gentleman of the name of Catesby, who had changed his
+opinions some three or four times, stuck to the last set with such fury,
+that he resolved to assist them at all hazards. His principles had been a
+mere matter of toss up, but he had settled down into a Papist at last; and
+conceiving the idea of destroying King, Lords, and Commons, at one blow,
+he expressed himself on the subject <i>avec explosion</i>, as the French
+dramatists have it, to Thomas Winter, a gentleman of Worcestershire, who,
+having been worsted in all his prospects, cottoned at once to the scheme.
+The Catholics had solicited the mediation of the King of Spain, and Winter
+passed over to the Netherlands to hear how matters were going on, when he
+made himself acquainted at Ostend with a fellow named Guido Fawkes, who
+has been equally misinterpreted by "the boys" and the historians. It has
+been usual to describe him as a low mercenary who got his name of Fawkes
+or Forks, from his way of brutally demanding everybody to fork out; but
+however etymology may encourage such an interpretation of his name, we
+must denounce it as a cruel libel on his character. * The eagerness of the
+juvenile mind to adopt any malicious absurdity that is proposed to it, has
+been exhibited in the boyish extravagance of making Guido Fawkes a man of
+straw, though there is little doubt that he was a man of substance, and
+not the mere Will-o'-the-Wisp that constitutes his portrait as we see him
+drawn on stone along the paved streets of the metropolis. Guido, whose
+pretended ugliness has made his abbreviated name of Guy synonymous with a
+frightful object, was a gentleman, though a fanatic, and it is not true
+that had Fawkes been invited to dinner, it would have been necessary to
+look after the spoons as well as the Fawkes with unusual vigilance.
+Catesby invited Winter and Guido to his lodgings, where they were met by
+Thomas Percy, a distant relation of the Earl of Northumberland, and by
+John Wright, an obstinate fellow, who would never own himself wrong. Grog
+and cigars&mdash;the latter being a novelty recently imported by Raleigh&mdash;were
+liberally provided, when Catesby suggested that before business could be
+regularly gone into, an oath of secresy must be administered. With a
+melodramatic desire to give the affidavit all the advantages of
+appropriate scenery, it was suggested that a lone house in the fields
+beyond Clement's Inn should be the spot where the oath should be
+administered.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Some monster or punster in human form, declares he was
+called Fawkes or Forks, because he was ready to con-knive in
+anything sanguinary. The atrocity of this assertion needs no
+comment.
+</pre>
+<p>
+In the course of a few days the affidavit had been drawn, perused,
+settled, and engrossed, when the parties met at the place appointed, and
+were all sworn in, with due formality. Catesby, acting as a sort of
+chairman, then proceeded to explain to the meeting his views.
+</p>
+<p>
+He commenced rather in the shape of innuendos, by hinting that he wished
+the Parliament further, and he thought he knew a mode of despatching all
+the Members at once, by a special train. As his associates did not take
+the hint immediately, he proceeded to expatiate on the expediency of a
+regular blow up, and getting rid of the whole Parliament "slap bang;"
+accompanying his observation by dealing on the deal table a tremendous
+thump, that made a noise resembling the explosion of gunpowder. The action
+seemed to strike a light in in the eyes of all present, and by putting
+this and that together, they perceived that Catesby's intention was to act
+the last scene of the <i>Miller and his Men</i>, beneath the walls of
+Parliament. Percy, who was a gentleman pensioner&mdash;though he seems to
+have been rather more of the pensioner than the gentleman&mdash;had an
+opportunity of banging about the Court, and watching the movements of his
+intended victims. The first care of the conspirators was to take a house
+in the neighbourhood; but no one of the lot, except Percy, had sufficient
+credit to justify his acceptance as a tenant, by any prudent landlord. At
+length they got hold of a dwelling by the water side, which was occupied
+by one Ferris&mdash;probably a ferryman&mdash;who, for a small
+consideration, vacated the premises in Percy's favour. The back of the
+house abutted&mdash;by means of a water-butt&mdash;on the Parliamentary
+party wall, and they began picking a hole in the wall as soon as they
+obtained possession. At every move they renewed their oath of secrecy, as
+if they were mutually better known than trusted among themselves, and a
+secret which, even in ordinarily honest hands, is tolerably sure to get
+wind; was very soon known to twenty people at least, through the leakiness
+of one or more of the conspirators.
+</p>
+<p>
+Emboldened by their success, they took a coal shed on the Lambeth side of
+the river, where one of them, under pretence of going into the potato
+business, accumulated as large a quantity of coals, coke, and wood, as he
+could with the small means upon which he was enabled to speculate. The
+chief scene of their operations was, of course, the house at Westminster,
+where they laid in a large supply of hard boiled eggs; "the better," says
+Strype, "to be enabled to hatch their scheme, and to avoid suspicion, by
+not being compelled to send out for food." The wall offering considerable
+resistance to their projects it was found advisable to send for the keeper
+of the potato shed, over the way, to aid in the work, and young Wright, a
+brother of the same Wright that never would admit himself to be wrong, was
+admitted to a partnership in the secret.
+</p>
+<p>
+Vainly did these ninny-hammers go hammering on at the walls of Parliament,
+which stuck together in a manner very characteristic of bricks, and no
+impression seemed to be made upon them; while the mine from Lambeth, by
+means of which they intended under-mining the British Constitution, made
+scarcely any progress at all. One morning, in the midst of their labours,
+they were startled by a rumbling noise overhead, when Guido Fawkes, who
+acted as sentinel, ran to ascertain the cause of the alarming sound. It
+seemed that one Bright, who carried on the coal business in a cellar
+immediately below the Parliament, was clearing out his stock, at "an
+alarming sacrifice," with the intention of moving his business to some
+more fashionable neighbourhood. Perhaps he was a bad tenant, and being on
+the eve of ejection, removed his coals in revenge for having got the sack
+from his landlord; but, at all events, he had a cart into which he was
+shooting the Wallsend, though he may have had no intention of shooting the
+moon at the expense of his creditors.
+</p>
+<p>
+Percy, knowing the cellar must be vacant, went to look at it, and
+pronounced it the very thing; though it might, naturally, have excited
+some surprise that one who had hitherto been considered a man of ton
+should become a man of chaldrons and hundredweights by going into the coal
+business, on a scale somewhat limited. A tenancy was nevertheless
+effected, and several barrels of gunpowder were carried into the vault,
+under the pretence that the small-beer and bloater business was about to
+be commenced by the new lessee, in a style of unusual liberality.
+</p>
+<p>
+Guy Fawkes was despatched to Flanders, to obtain adherents to the scheme,
+but he got no further than to obtain a promise from Owen that he would
+speak to Stanley, which seems to have been merely equivalent to an
+extension of the secret, without any beneficial result to the
+conspirators. On the return of Guido, he found that while he had been
+extending the secret abroad, his colleagues had been blabbing&mdash;of
+course confidentially&mdash;at home, so that the secret was becoming a
+good deal like an "aside" in a melo-drama, which comes to the ears of
+every one but the person most interested in being made acquainted with its
+purport.
+</p>
+<p>
+Every arrangement was now made for blowing up the Parliament sky-high,
+when a prorogation, until the 5th of November, was suddenly announced, and
+the conspirators began to fear that the secret, which had experienced as
+many extensions as a railway line, had found its way, by some disagreeable
+deviation, to the ears of the intended victims. The expense of the
+conspiracy had hitherto been borne by Catesby, who paid for all the
+hard-boiled eggs, the rent of the coal-cellar, with the wood and the coals
+that had been had in; for, the rest being soldiers of fortune, which means
+that they were soldiers of no fortune at all, would not have got credit
+for even the bull's-eye lanthorn, which has since cut such a conspicuous
+figure in the history of the period. Catesby had, however, spent so much
+in new-laid eggs and new-laid gunpowder&mdash;for he had to support a
+numerous train&mdash;that he was obliged to take in fresh capital, and Sir
+Edward Digby, with Francis Tresham, were admitted as shareholders in the
+dangerous secret. Digby put down �1500 on the allotment of a slice of the
+mystery to himself, and Francis Tresham, who did not much like the
+speculation, though he consented to enter into it, gave his cheque for
+�2000, saying that he considered the money thrown away as completely as if
+he had wasted it in horse-chestnuts, Venetian grog, or raspberry vinegar.
+His givings were accompanied by fearful misgivings, and he never expected
+to see the hour when he should have the honour of being sent up to
+posterity on the wings of a barrel of gunpowder.
+</p>
+<p>
+The 5th of November was the day that the conspirators had agreed to
+immortalize, for the benefit of future dealers in squibs, crackers,
+Catharine-wheels, and all the other "wheels within wheels," that are so
+completely in character with this complicated project. They used to take
+blows on the river preliminary to the great blow they had in their eye,
+and a house at Erith was their frequent place of rendezvous. They also
+held consultations at White Webbs&mdash;not Webb's the White Bear&mdash;near
+Enfield, and here they arranged that Guido Fawkes, after putting matters
+in train, should set fire to it, by a slow burning match, which would give
+him time to escape, though he often said, half jestingly, that to find his
+match would be exceedingly difficult. As the scheme drew near its intended
+execution, the "secret" had become so fearfully divided that every one who
+possessed a share of it had some friend or other he wanted to save; and if
+each had been allowed to withdraw his man, the residue of the Parliament
+would scarcely have been worth the powder and shot it had been determined
+to devote to them. Tresham, for example, was seized with a sudden fit of
+benevolence towards old Lord Monteagle; while Kay, the seedy and needy
+gentleman in charge of the house at Lambeth, wanted to save Lord Mordaunt,
+who had cashed for poor K. an I O U, when the money was of great use to
+him. Catesby, who was not so tender-hearted, declared it was all very
+well, but if they were to go on saving and excepting one after the other,
+there could be no explosion at all, unless they could procure some of that
+celebrated discriminating gunpowder, which blows up all the villains, in
+the last scene of a melo-drama, and spares the virtuous characters. He
+insisted, therefore, on the necessity of leaving the result to a toss-up,
+in which all would have an equal chance of winning or losing.
+</p>
+<p>
+Tresham, who combined the wavering of the weathercock with the
+tremulousness of the tee-to-tum, was still intent on giving a sort of
+general warning to a number of his friends, and when his blabbing was
+objected to, he declared the affair had better be put off, as he could
+find no more money to carry on the conspiracy. Catesby, Winter, and Fawkes
+objected to delay; whereupon it is supposed that Tresham not only ratted
+but let the cat out of the bag in a most unwarrantable manner. Lord
+Monteagle, who had a country box at Hoxton, was giving a <i>petit souper</i>
+to a few friends on the 26th of October, and he was just finishing the leg
+of a Welsh rabbit, when his page presented him a letter that had just been
+left by a tall man who had refused to leave his name or wait for an
+answer. Lord Monteagle, thinking it might be a bill, desired one of his
+guests to read it out, when it proved to be a letter written in the
+characteristic spelling of the period. "I would advyse yowe, as yowe
+tender yower lyf, to devyse some excuse to shift of vower attendance at
+this Parleament," said the anonymous scribbler, which threw Monteagle into
+such alarm that he took the Hoxton 'bus, and went off to Whitehall the
+same evening to see Cecil. The king was "hunting the fearful hare at
+Royston," in the most hare-um scare-um style, and it was resolved that
+nothing could, would, or should be done until the return of the sovereign.
+</p>
+<p>
+Notwithstanding the letter having been delivered as early as the 26th of
+October, nothing seems to have been done to stop the conspiracy, for
+Fawkes went regularly once a day to the cellar, to count the coals, snuff
+the rushlight, and do any other little odd job that the progress of the
+conspiracy might require. Cecil and Suffolk having laid their heads
+together on the subject of the letter, at last fancied they had found the
+solution of the riddle, which for the convenience of the student, we will
+throw into the form of a charade, after an approved model.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+My first is a sort of peculiar tea;
+My second a lawn or a meadow might be;
+My whole's a conspiracy likely to blow
+King, Commons, and Lords to a place I don't know.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The "peculiar tea" was gunpowder, the "lawn" or "meadow" was a plot&mdash;of
+grass, and the whole was the Gunpowder Plot, which, though it went off
+very badly at the time, caused an explosion from which the country has not
+yet quite recovered. Notwithstanding the solution of the mystery, no steps
+were taken to bring the matter, to an issue, and Fawkes was permitted to
+be at large about town, paying his diurnal visits to the cellar without
+attracting the observation of anyone. Tresham and Winter talked the matter
+over in Lincoln's Inn Fields, or wandered amid the then romantic scenery
+of Whetstone Park, to consult on the scheme and its probable completion.
+The timid Tresham proposed flight, but his fellow conspirators, who were
+not so flighty, resolved on persevering, and the intrepid Fawkes kept up a
+regular Cellarius, * by dancing backwards ana forwards about the cellar.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* We may as well state, for the benefit of that posterity
+which this work will reach and the Cellarius will not, that
+the Cellarius is a dance fashionable in the year 1847, when
+this history was written.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The shilly-shallying of all parties with respect to the gunpowder
+conspiracy is one of the most remarkable features of the period when it
+occurred; for we find the plotters, with detection staring them in the
+face, adhering to their old haunts, while the intended victims though made
+aware of the plot, were as tardy as possible in taking any steps to baffle
+it. Fawkes continued his visits to the cellar just as confidently as ever;
+and one would think that ultimately detection was the object he had in
+view for he lurked about the premises with such obstinate perseverance
+that his escape was impossible. At length Suffolk, the Lord Chamberlain,
+took Monteagle down to the House the day before the opening of Parliament,
+to see that all was right, and they occupied themselves for several hours
+in looking under the seats, unpicking the furniture of the throne to see
+if anyone was concealed inside, and searching into every hole and corner
+where a conspirator was not likely to secrete himself. Having taken
+courage from the fact of there being no signs of danger, they determined
+to go down stairs into the cellar, under pretence of stopping up the
+rat-holes&mdash;for even in those early days rats found their way into the
+House&mdash;and they had no sooner opened the door than they saw in one
+corner a round substance, which they at first took for a beer barrel. They
+approached it with the intention of giving it a friendly tap, when the
+supposed barrel rose up into the height of a water-butt.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0171" id="linkimage-0171"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/490m.jpg" alt="490m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/490.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Suffolk instantly got behind Monteagle, who stood trembling with fear,
+when the phantom cask assumed the form of a "tall, desperate fellow," who
+proved to be Fawkes, and the Chamberlain, affecting a careless
+indifference, demanded his "name, birth, and parentage." Guido handed his
+card, bearing the words G. Fawkes, and announced himself as the servant of
+Mr. Percy, who carried on a trade in coals, coke, and wood, if he could,
+in the immediate neighbourhood. "Indeed," said Suffolk, "your master has a
+tolerably large stock on hand, though I think there is something else
+screened besides the coals, which I see around me." Without adding another
+word, he and Monteagle ran off, and Fawkes hastened to acquaint Percy with
+what had happened.
+</p>
+<p>
+Poor Guido seems to have formed a most feline and most fatal attachment to
+the place, for nothing could keep him out of the cellar, though he knew he
+was almost certain of being hauled unceremoniously over the coals, and he
+went back at two in the morning to the old spot, with his habitual
+foolhardiness. He had no sooner opened the door than he was seized and
+pinioned, without his opinion being asked, by a party of soldiers. He made
+one desperate effort to make light of the whole business, by setting fire
+to the train, but he had no box of Congreves at hand, and he observed,
+with bitter boldness, in continuation of a pun which he had made in
+happier days, that he had at last found his match and lost his Lucifer.
+Poor Guy Fawkes, having been bound hand and foot, was taken on a stretcher
+to Whitehall, having been previously searched, when his pocket was found
+filled with tinder, touch-wood, and other similar rubbish. Behind the door
+there was a dark lanthorn, or bull's-eye, that had cowed the soldiers at
+first glance, by its glazed look, but it seemed less terrible on their
+walking resolutely up to it. Fawkes was taken to the king's bedroom, at
+Whitehall, and though his limbs were bound and helpless, he spoke with a
+thick, bold, ropy voice that terrified all around him. His tones had
+become quite sepulchral, from remaining so long in the vault, and when
+asked his name, he scraped out from his hoarse throat the words "John
+Johnson," which came gratingly&mdash;as if through a grating&mdash;&mdash;on
+the ears of the bystanders. He announced himself as John the footman to
+Mr. Percy, and he threw himself into an attitude&mdash;which was rather
+cramped by his pinions&mdash;which he found anything but the sort of
+pinions that would enable him to soar into the lofty regions of romance to
+which he had aspired. He nevertheless boldly announced his purpose, with
+the audacity of a stage villain; and with that sort of magnanimity which
+lasts, on an average, about five minutes in the guilty breast, he refused
+to disclose the names of his accomplices.
+</p>
+<p>
+One of the Scotch courtiers, who had a natural feeling of stinginess,
+asked how it was that Fawkes had collected so many barrels of gunpowder,
+when half the quantity would have done. Upon which Fawkes replied, that
+his principal had desired him to purchase enough to blow the Scotch back
+to Scotland. "Hoot, awa, mon!" rejoined the Scot; "but ken ye not that ye
+might have bought half the powder, and put the rest of the siller in your
+pocket?" Fawkes sternly intimated that though he would have blown up the
+Parliament, he would not defraud his principal. "Hoot, mon!" cried the
+Scotchman, who loved his specie under the pretence of loving his species,
+and who, it is probable, belonged to the Chambers; "Hoot, mon!" he whined,
+"dinna ye ken that there are times when you mun just throw your preencipal
+overboard?" *
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* A fact!
+</pre>
+<p>
+On the 6th of November Fawkes was sent to the Tower, with instructions to
+squeeze out of him whatever could be elicited by the screw, which was then
+the usual method of scrutiny. For four days he would confess nothing at
+all; but his accomplices began to betray themselves by their own
+proceedings. Several of them fled; but Tresham exhibited the very height
+of impudence by coming down to the Council and asking if he could be of
+any use in the pursuit of the rebels. Nothing but the effrontery of the
+boots which ran after the stolen shoes, crying "Stop thief," and have
+never returned to this very hour, can be compared with the coolness of
+Tresham in offering to aid in effecting the capture of the conspirators.
+</p>
+<p>
+Catesby and Jack Wright cut right away to Dunchurch, Percy filled his
+purse, and Christopher Wright packed up his kit, to be in readiness for
+making off when occasion required, while Keyes made a precipitate bolt out
+of London the morning after the plot was discovered.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0172" id="linkimage-0172"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/494m.jpg" alt="494m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/494.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Rookwood, who had ordered relays of fine horses all along the road, went
+at full gallop through Highgate, and never slackened his pace till he
+reached Turvey, in Bedfordshire, where he came tumbling almost topsy-turvy
+over the inhabitants. Arriving at Ashby, St. Legers, with a <i>l�g�rete</i>
+quite worthy of the race for the St. Leger itself, he had already
+travelled eighty miles in six hours; but he nevertheless pushed along on
+his gallant steed&mdash;a magnificent dun&mdash;who always ran as if he
+had a commercial dun at his heels, to Dunchurch. Here he found Digby,
+enjoying his <i>otium cum dig.</i>&mdash;with a hunting party round him;
+but the guests guessed what was in the wind, and fearing they might come
+in for the blow, had vanished in the night-time. When Digby sat down to
+breakfast the next day, his circle of friends had dwindled to a triangle,
+consisting of Catesby, Percy, and Rookwood, who, with their host, now
+become almost a host in himself, took speedily to horse, and rode a
+regular steeple-chase to the borders of Staffordshire. Here they arrived
+on the night of the 7th of November, at Holbeach, where they took
+possession of a house; but by this time Sir Richard Walsh, the sheriff of
+Worcester, who had got writs out against them all, was close upon them
+with his officers.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the morning their landlord, one Littleton, having been let into their
+secret, let himself out of his bedroom window through fear, and Digby
+decamped under pretence of going to buy some eggs to suck for breakfast,
+as well as to look for some succour. Digby had hardly shut the street door
+when its bang was echoed by a bang up stairs, occasioned by Catesby,
+Percy, and Rookwood having endeavoured to dry some gunpowder in a frying
+pan over the fire. Catesby was burnt and blackened, besides being blown up
+for having been the chief cause of the accident; and shortly afterwards,
+to add to their misfortunes, the sheriff, with the <i>posse comitatus</i>,
+surrounded the dwelling. The conspirators endeavoured to parry with their
+swords the bullets of their assailants, but this was a hopeless job, and
+keeping up their spirits as well as they could, they exclaimed at every
+shot fired on the side of the king, "Here comes another dose of James's
+powder." Catesby, addressing Thomas Winter, roared out, "Now then, stand
+by me, Tom!" and Winter, suddenly taking a spring to his friend's side,
+they were both shot by one musket. Their attendants, not being able to get
+the bullet out, issued a bullet-in to say they were both dead, and the
+brothers Wright were not long left to bewail the fate of their
+accomplices. Percy, who had persevered to the last, got a wound which
+wound him up, and Rookwood had received such a home-thrust in the stomach
+from a rusty pike, that the pike rust sadly disagreed with him. Digby,
+whose feelings had run away with him, was overtaken, caught, and made
+fast, because he had been too slow, while Keyes came to a dead-lock, and
+the prisoners being all brought to London, were lodged in the Tower.
+</p>
+<p>
+Tresham, who had never left town, but was strutting about with all the
+easy confidence of a man with "nothing out against him," was suddenly
+nabbed, in spite of his remonstrances, conveyed in exclamations of "What
+have I done?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"La! bless me! there must be some mistake!" and other appeals of an
+ejaculatory but useless character.
+</p>
+<p>
+Poor Guido Fawkes was examined by Popham, Coke, and Wood, whose names may
+now for the first time be noticed as appropriate to the business they were
+entrusted with. Popham is surely emblematical of the series of pops,
+bangs, and explosions that would have ensued from the Gunpowder Plot;
+while Coke and Wood are obviously symbolical of the combustibles required
+for fuel. In vain did these sagacious persons attempt to get anything from
+Guido, who said "he belonged to the Fawkes and not to the spoons, who
+might perhaps be made to convict themselves by cross questioning." Popham
+popped questions in abundance; Coke tried to coax out the truth; and Wood,
+if he could, would have got at the facts; but neither threats nor promises
+could prevent Fawkes from showing his metal.
+</p>
+<p>
+Posterity, in altering his name to Guy Fox, has happily hit upon an
+appropriately expressed the cunning of his character. He confessed his own
+share in the business readily enough, but resolutely refused to betray his
+associates. "I will not acknowledge that Percy is in the plot," he cried;
+which reminds us of an intimation made by a gentleman just arrested, to
+his surrounding friends, that "he did not wish the bailiff pumped upon." A
+nod is as good as a wink in certain cases; and like winking the sheriff's
+officer was submitted to a course of hydropathic treatment. In the same
+manner the declaration of Fawkes that "Percy had nothing to do with it&mdash;oh,
+dear no, nothing at all!" was quite enough to put the authorities on the
+right scent had any such guidance been required.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0173" id="linkimage-0173"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/495m.jpg" alt="495m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/495.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Poor Fawkes was so fearfully damaged by the torture he had undergone, that
+his handwriting was entirely spoiled; and specimens of his mode of signing
+his name after the torture, contrasted with the copy of his autograph
+before the cruel infliction, present the reverse of the result which
+writing-masters of our day boast of producing by their six lessons in
+penmanship.
+</p>
+<p>
+Guido Fawkes, however, confessed nothing specifically beyond what the
+Government already knew, but Tresham and Catesby's servant Bates, a man
+remarkable for his <i>b�tise</i>, confessed whatever the authorities
+required. Tresham being seized with a fatal illness in prison, retracted
+his confession, which he declared had been extorted or "extortured"&mdash;as
+Strype has it&mdash;from him, and he died after placing his recantation in
+the hands of his wife to be given to Cecil. The surviving conspirators
+were brought to trial after some delay, and though they all pleaded not
+guilty, as long as there was a chance of escape, they were no sooner
+convicted beyond all hope than they began boasting of their offence, and
+were all "on the high ropes" when they came to the scaffold. Garnet the
+Jesuit was served up by way of garniture to the horrible banquet that the
+vengeance of the Protestants required. This brilliant character shone with
+increased lustre as the time for his execution approached, and however
+glorious had been his rise, the setting was worthy of Garnet in his very
+brightest moments.
+</p>
+<p>
+Besides those who were executed for an avowal, or at least, a proved
+participation in the Gunpowder Plot, several persons were punished very
+severely, in the capacity of supplementary victims, who might, or might
+not, have been implicated in the conspiracy. Lords Mordaunt and Stourton,
+two Catholic nobles, were fined, respectively, �10,000 and �4000 because
+they did not happen to be in their places in Parliament, to be blown up,
+had Fawkes succeeded in accomplishing his object. The Earl of
+Northumberland was sent to the Tower for a few years, and mulcted of
+�30,000, because he had made Percy a gentleman pensioner, some years
+before; but no trouble was taken to show how this could have rendered him
+afterwards a rebel, nor how Northumberland could be responsible, even if
+such a result had really arrived. But it was urged by the apologists for
+this severity, that the Gunpowder Treason would have been fatal alike to
+the good and the bad, and that as the punishment should correspond with
+the offence, an indiscriminate dealing out of penalties among the guilty
+and the innocent was quite allowable.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0041" id="link2HCH0041"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE SECOND. JAMES THE FIRST (CONTINUED).
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0174" id="linkimage-0174"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/497m.jpg" alt="497m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/497.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+HE Parliament that was to have been dissolved in thin air on the 5th of
+November, leaving nothing behind but a report in several volumes of smoke,
+met for the despatch of business on the 21st of January, 1606. Laws were
+passed against the Papists in a most vexatious spirit, and by one
+enactment they were positively prohibited from removing more than five
+miles from home without an order signed by four magistrates. If a Catholic
+had got into a cab, and the horse had run away, without the driver being
+able to pull up within the fifth mile, the fare would have been most
+unfairly sacrificed.
+</p>
+<p>
+James, who saw the advantage Scotland would derive from an alliance with
+England, began to urge the Union, but the English naturally objected to
+such a very unprofitable match; for Scotland had nothing to lose, nothing
+to give, nothing to lend, and nothing to teach, except the art of making
+bread without flour, joke-books without wit, reputation without ability,
+and a living without anything. James felt that the sarcasms on the Scotch
+were personal to himself, and he told the Parliament they ought not to
+talk on matters they did not understand; but it was thought that to
+restrict them to subjects which they did understand would be equivalent to
+depriving them of liberty of speech on nearly every occasion.
+</p>
+<p>
+James had become somewhat popular on account of the attempt to blow him up
+sky-high with all his ministers, and a rumour of his having been
+assassinated, sent him up a shade or two higher in the affections of his
+people. It is a feature in the character of the English that they always
+take into their favour any one who seems to be an object of persecution;
+and there is no doubt that if in a crowd there is any one desirous of
+rising in public esteem, he has only to ask a friend to give him a severe
+and apparently unmerited blow on the head, in order to render him the idol
+of the surrounding multitude. If there had been no Gunpowder Plot, it
+would have been worth the while of James to have got one up, for the
+express purpose of increasing his popularity. His qualities, as shown in
+his way of life at this time, do not warrant the esteem in which he was
+held; for he divided his time between the pleasures of the table, the
+excitements of the chase, and the blackguardism of the cock-pit. When
+remonstrated with on the lowness of his pursuits, he declared that his
+health required relaxation; and he would declare that he would rather see
+one of his Dorking chickens win his spurs, than witness the grandest
+tournament. These pursuits, which were expensive, caused him to do many
+acts of meanness to obtain the necessary supplies: and among other things
+he went to dine with the Clothworkers as well as with the Merchant
+Tailors, among both of whom the royal hat was sent round at the close of
+the banquet.
+</p>
+<p>
+At the second of these entertainments his own beaver had just made the
+circuit of the table with considerable effect, when, encouraged by the
+liberality of the company, he shoved on to the social board a cap, in the
+name of his son, Prince Henry. The collection for the child was not very
+ample, for many of the guests objected to being called upon for a trifle
+towards lining the pockets of the young gentleman's new frock, more
+especially when it was obvious that James fully intended to clutch the
+whole of the additional assets.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0175" id="linkimage-0175"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/498m.jpg" alt="498m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/498.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Among other disreputable methods he took of procuring money, was the
+institution of the order of Baronets, whose titles he sold at a thousand
+pounds each, without regard to the merit of the purchasers. The antiquity
+of a baronetcy is therefore not much in its favour, and those who can
+trace the possession of such a distinction in their family down to the
+first establishment of the rank, do nothing more than prove the
+possession, either honestly or dishonestly, of a thousand pounds by one of
+his ancestors. Seventy-five families took advantage of this traffic in
+dignities to obtain a sort of spurious nobility, founded on the
+necessities of the sovereign. The only qualifications required of
+candidates wishing to be elected to the order were "cash down," to pay the
+fees, and an ability to trace a descent from at least a grandfather on the
+father's side; so that <i>semble</i>, as the lawyers say, the maternal
+ancestors might have been utterly hypothetical and purely anonymous. The
+arms of the baronets have always included those of Ulster, because the
+money they contributed was designed for the relief of that province&mdash;a
+proof that Ireland has been a drain upon England for a long series of
+centuries. The emblem of Ulster is a bloody hand, which was only too
+appropriate to the place; and the symbol being called in the language of
+heraldry a hand gules&mdash;or gold&mdash;in a field argent&mdash;or
+silver&mdash;was also characteristic of the metallic source from which the
+baronets derived their titles.
+</p>
+<p>
+Prince Henry, the heir to the throne, had long been looked upon as a
+pleasing contrast to his odious father, and the people were anticipating
+the former's reign with an assurance that the amiable and accomplished son
+would compensate for the infliction they had endured in the ignorance,
+pride, and selfishness of the parent. Death, however, that sometimes
+seizes first on the best, and leaves the worst till the last&mdash;on the
+principle of the boy who began by picking all the plums out of the pudding&mdash;took
+the youthful prince before appropriating his papa, and caused the latter
+sinfully to exult in being the survivor of his own offspring. He forgot
+the maxim that "Whom the gods love, die young," and the remarks he made
+upon his own comparative longevity proved that he at least was one of
+those whom the gods had not been anxious to adopt at the earliest
+opportunity. The young prince died of a malignant fever, on the 5th of
+November, 1612, and his father, whose harsh conduct&mdash;especially to
+Sir Walter Raleigh and other great men&mdash;had been criticised by his
+heir, allowed no mourning to take place, but made the unnatural and
+blasphemous boast that "he should outlive all who opposed him."
+</p>
+<p>
+Though having little or no affection for his own children, James delighted
+in having about him some low and sneaking favourite who would flatter his
+ridiculous vanity, and help to cheat him into the belief that he was a
+good and amiable character. As no one of spirit and honesty would consent
+to become the despicable parasite that James required, some mean and
+unprincipled vagabond was of necessity selected as the depositary of that
+confidence which a son, with the feelings of a gentleman, could not of
+course participate. Henry had therefore been excluded from that free
+communication which should exist between child and parent in every
+station, and an uneducated humbug named Robert Carr had wormed his way
+into the heart, or rather into the favour of James, who was drawn toward
+the other by a sympathy with congenial littleness. Carr was such a
+wretched ignoramus as to be unable to speak ten consecutive words of
+grammar, and it flattered the egregious vanity of James to be able to
+impart some of that education of which he had just about enough to enable
+him to show his superiority over his most unlettered pupil. Carr played
+his cards so successfully that he was soon not only knighted but created
+Viscount Rochester; and though his future career proved him worthier of
+the rope, he actually obtained the Garter.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was to be presumed that this disreputable scapegrace would soon do
+something or other to prove how far James had been right or wrong in the
+selection of a friend, adviser, companion, and favourite. The necessities
+of Carr were so well supplied by sponging on his royal patron that it was
+not necessary for the former to commit any pecuniary swindle; but he very
+rapidly got into a most disgraceful connection with the Countess of Essex,
+a vile person who obtained a divorce from her own husband, to enable her
+to marry Rochester. The latter had a friend named Sir Thomas Overbury, who
+advised him to have nothing to do with the profligate woman in question.
+This so irritated the countess that she persuaded her paramour to join her
+in poisoning the party who had given the advice, and after trying the
+homoeopathic principle for some weeks without effect, they at length gave
+him one tremendous dose which did the atrocious business. Carr had
+received the title of Earl of Somerset on his infamous marriage, but the
+favourite was getting already a little out of favour when the affair of
+the murder happened. James being one of those who promptly turned his back
+on those who were "down in the world," and had smiles for those only who
+were prosperous, began to estrange himself from Somerset, and to transfer
+his worthless friendship to George Villiers, afterwards Duke of
+Buckingham.
+</p>
+<p>
+The king first saw this young scamp at the Theatre Royal, Cambridge, where
+a five-act farce called <i>Ignoramus</i> was being represented by a party
+of distinguished amateurs, with the applause that usually attends these
+interesting performances. Villiers was appointed cupbearer&mdash;a grade
+immediately under that of bottle-holder&mdash;to the king, and the
+influence of the new favourite was soon felt by the old, who found himself
+arrested one fine morning on the charge of having been concerned in Sir
+Thomas Overbury's murder. The steps taken for the punishment of this
+atrocity were perfectly characteristic of the period. By way of a
+preliminary offering to Justice, some half dozen of the minor and
+subordinate parties to the crime were executed off-hand, while the two
+principal delinquents, Somerset and his countess, having been tardily
+condemned, were immediately afterwards pardoned. The infamous couple
+subsequently received a pension of �4000 a year from the king, who no
+doubt felt that Somerset could show him up, and was just the sort of
+scoundrel to do so unless he could be well paid for his silence. The
+annuity allowed to the ex-favourite must be looked upon as hush-money,
+rendered necessary by the mutual rascalities of the donor and the
+recipient, who, being in each other's power, were under the necessity of
+effecting a compromise. The fall of Somerset was followed by the rise of
+Villiers, who rushed through the entire peerage with railroad rapidity,
+passing the intermediate stations of Viscount, Earl, and Marquis, till he
+reached the terminus as Duke of Buckingham.
+</p>
+<p>
+Poor Raleigh, who had been thirteen years in the Tower, where he was
+writing the History of the World, began to feel a very natural anxiety to
+get out of his prison, and describe, from ocular demonstration, the
+subject of his gigantic labours. He accordingly spread a report that he
+knew of a gold mine in Guiana where the stuff for making guineas could be
+had only for the trouble of picking it up, and the king was persuaded to
+let him go and try his luck in America. Raleigh had no sooner got free
+than he published a prospectus and got up a company with a preliminary
+deposit sufficient to start him off well on his new enterprise. He proved
+with all the clearness of figures&mdash;which the reader must not think of
+confounding with facts&mdash;that a hundred per cent, must be realised;
+and the shares in Raleigh's gold mine rose to such a height that he was
+enabled to rig a ship after having rigged the market. Plans were
+published, with great streaks of gamboge painted all over, to represent
+the supposed veins of gold that were waiting only to be worked; and
+through the medium of these veins the British public bled very rapidly.
+</p>
+<p>
+The extent of the mining mania got up by Sir Walter may be imagined when
+we state that he arrived with twelve vessels at Guiana, a portion of which
+had already been taken possession of by Spain; and the English speculators
+declared with disgust, that they had come for the gold, and had not
+expected to meet the Spanish. The town of St. Thomas being already in the
+possession of the latter, was boldly attacked and ultimately taken, but
+instead of finding a mine there were only two ingots of gold in the whole
+place, which Raleigh clutched, exclaiming "These are mine," immediately on
+landing. It was evident to the whole party that Raleigh's story of the
+gold mine was a mere "dodge" to get himself released from the Tower; and
+when they came to look for the boasted vein, they found it was literally
+in vain that they searched for the precious metal. A mutiny at once broke
+out, and as Raleigh deceived them in his promise of introducing them to
+abundance of gold, they made him form a very close connection with a large
+quantity of iron. They in fact threw him into fetters, a species of
+treatment that, had it been applied to every projector of a bubble company
+during the railway mania of 1846, would have hung half the aldermen of
+London in chains, and linked society together by a general concatenation
+of nearly every rank as well as every profession. Poor Raleigh arrived
+safe in Plymouth Sound, but he found a proclamation out against him,
+accusing him of a long catalogue of crimes, and inviting all the world to
+take him into custody.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Spanish ambassador was at the bottom of this affair, for the Spaniards
+had a score of old scores against Sir Walter, who had no sooner landed at
+Plymouth than he was made a prisoner. With considerable ingenuity he
+pretended to be very ill, and even feigned insanity; but the latter was a
+plea that could not so easily be established in the time of Raleigh as it
+has been in our own days, when it has been found a convenient and
+effective excuse for those who, having committed murder, escape on the
+ground of their being given to eccentricity. Raleigh tried it on very
+hard, by talking incoherently, playing the fool, dancing fandangos in his
+prison, sending a potato to his tailor to be measured for a new jacket,
+and feigning other acts of madness, but to the writ <i>de lunatico
+inquirendo</i>, there was no other return than <i>nullum iter</i>, or no
+go, when the investigation into his state of mind was concluded. In order
+to save the trouble and expense of a fresh conviction, the old outstanding
+judgment was again brought up, and it was determined to kill him by a bill
+of reviver&mdash;if such an anomaly could be permitted. He grew
+ponderously facetious as his end drew nigh, and made one or two jokes that
+might have saved him had they been heard in time, for they gave evidence
+of an amount of mental imbecility that should have released him from all
+responsibility on account of his actions. Among other lugubrious levities
+of Raleigh before his death, was the well-known but generally-execrated
+remark in reference to a cup of sack which was brought to him: "Ha!" said
+he, "I shall soon have the sack without the cup;" an observation that
+elicited, as soon as it was known, an immediate order for his execution.
+"That head of Raleigh's must come off," cried the king, "for it is evident
+the poor fellow has lost the use of it." On the 29th of October, 1618,
+poor Raleigh joked his last, upon the scaffold, where he stood shivering
+with cold, when the sheriff asked him to step aside for a few minutes and
+warm himself. "No," said Sir Walter, "my wish is to take it cool;" and
+then looking at the axe, he balanced it on the top of his little finger&mdash;some
+say his chin&mdash;and observed, "This is a great medicine, rather sharp,
+but it cures all diseases." At this the headsman, no doubt irritated by
+the maddening mediocrity of the intended witticism, let fall the fatal
+blade, and Raleigh, with his head cut off, never came to&mdash;or rather
+never came one&mdash;again.
+</p>
+<p>
+We ought, perhaps to shed a tear over the fate of this great, though
+unprincipled man; but it is not so easy to turn on the main of sentiment
+to the fountains of pity, after the water has been cut off during more
+than two centuries by Time, in the capacity of turncock. Besides, in going
+through the history of our native land there are so many victims, all more
+or less worthy of a gush of sympathy, that we should literally dissolve
+ourselves in tears before we had got half through our labours, if we began
+giving way to what old King Lear has ungallantly termed a woman's
+weakness.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 16th of June, 1621, James, being "hard up," and finding that the
+circulation of the begging-box produced no effect, was compelled to summon
+a Parliament. Some cash to go on with was voted to the king, but the
+Commons then proceeded to investigate some cases of gross corruption that
+had been discovered among the Ministers. The Testes, the Cubieres, and
+other official swindlers of modern France, who, in the midst of meanness,
+deception, and theft, were still blatant about their "honour," might have
+found, in the England of 1621, a precedent for their venal rascality. Sir
+John Bennet, Judge of the Prerogative Court of Canterbury, and Field,
+Bishop of Llandaff, were convicted of bribery. Yelverton, the
+Attorney-General, was found guilty of having aided in an extensive swindle
+in the Patent Office, and Bacon, the great "moral philosopher," was found
+to have been fleecing the public in the Court of Chancery, to such a
+degree, that he might have stuffed the woolsack over and over again from
+the produce of the shearing to which he submitted the flocks of suitors
+who appealed to him. He would take bribes in open court, and he would
+pretend to consider, that as all men should be equal in the eye of the
+law, the equality could only be achieved by emptying the pockets of every
+party that came into court, as a preliminary to giving him a hearing. It
+has been said by his apologists, that though he took bribes, his decisions
+were just, for he would often give judgment against those who had paid him
+for a decree in their favour. The excuse merely proves that he was
+sufficiently unscrupulous to follow up one fraud by another, and to cheat
+his suitors out of the consideration upon which they had parted with their
+money. Bacon endeavoured to effect a compromise with his accusers by a
+confession of about one per cent, of his crimes, but the Peers insisted on
+making him answerable in full for all his delinquencies. He then
+acknowledged twenty-eight articles, which seemed to satisfy the most
+ravenous of his enemies, who were hungering to see his reputation torn to
+pieces by the million mouths of rumour. The great seal was taken away from
+a man of such a degraded stamp, he was flned �40,000&mdash;a mere
+bagatelle out of what he had bagged&mdash;was declared incapable of
+holding office or sitting in Parliament, and was sent off to the Tower.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0176" id="linkimage-0176"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/503m.jpg" alt="503m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/503.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+There were thoughts of beheading him, but happily for England, her Bacon
+was saved to devote the remainder of his life to literary compositions,
+which have greatly redeemed his name from obloquy. We must regard the
+character of our Bacon as streaky, for the dark is intermingled with the
+fair in the most wonderful manner. "Bacon was undoubtedly rash, but he
+might have been rasher," says the incorrigible Strype, whose name is
+continually suggestive of the lashing he merited.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Commons having been instrumental in bringing to light a considerable
+quantity of corruption, seemed determined to continue on the same scent,
+and every one who had a grievance was invited to lay it at once before
+Parliament. The waste-paper baskets of the House were of course soon
+overflowing with popular complaints, for there is scarcely a man, woman or
+child that cannot rake up a grievance of some kind, upon the invitation of
+persons professing to be able and willing to supply a remedy. James,
+fearful that his prerogative would be entrenched upon, wrote a letter to
+the Speaker, advising the Commons not to form themselves into an assembly
+of gossips, to listen to all the tittle-tattle that an entire nation of
+scandal-mongers would be ready to collect; but the House would not be
+diverted from its honest purpose by the sneers or threats of the
+sovereign. A good deal of polite and other letter-writing ensued between
+the king and the Parliament, until the latter entered on its journals a
+protestation, claiming the freedom of speech and the right of giving
+advice as the undoubted "inheritance of the subjects of England."
+</p>
+<p>
+James was furious at what had occurred, and ordering the Journals of the
+Commons to be brought to him, he contemptuously tore out the page; and
+then, sending back the book, advised the House to turn over a new leaf as
+soon as possible. "Tell your master," said Coke, in a whisper that nobody
+heard, "tell him he will do well to take a leaf out of our book, but not
+in the style in which this leaf has been taken." Parliament was first
+prorogued, and then dissolved by the king, who declared it would do no
+good as long as it lasted, and Coke, who was charged with adding fuel to
+the Parliamentary fire, was sent to the Tower with several others. On the
+day of the dissolution James nearly met with his own dissolution, for
+while taking a ride on a spirited horse, who had perhaps a certain
+instinctive sympathy with the popular cause, he was thrown into the New
+River.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0177" id="linkimage-0177"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/504m.jpg" alt="504m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/504.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+This was on the 6th of January, 1622, when the water was frozen; and James
+had just been saying to himself, "I'm glad I have made the plunge, and
+broken the ice with these turbulent Commons," when he found himself
+plunging and breaking the ice after another fashion. Fortunately his boots
+were buoyant&mdash;perhaps they had cork soles&mdash;and Sir Richard
+Young, seizing a boat-hook, which he converted for the moment into a
+boot-hook, drew the sovereign by the heels from what he afterwards
+declared was decidedly not his proper element.
+</p>
+<p>
+Buckingham, as we have already seen, was the sole successor to Somerset in
+the office of royal favourite; but Charles, the Prince of Wales, had taken
+rather an aversion than otherwise to the person whom his father
+patronised. The friends of the latter were generally so disreputable, that
+his son could not go wrong in avoiding them; but Buckingham beginning to
+look upon Charles as the better speculation of the two, resolved on making
+himself as agreeable as possible to the more faithful and therefore more
+promising branch of royalty. The duke being fond of scampish adventure,
+proposed a plan better suited to be made the incident of a farce, than to
+be ranked as an event in history. He suggested that Charles and himself
+should travel to Spain under the assumed names of Jack Smith and Tom
+Smith, in order that the prince might introduce himself to the Infanta of
+Spain, whom it had been proposed he should marry. For such a wild-goose
+scheme to succeed, an Infanta of Spain must have been much more accessible
+in those days than in ours; for though Jack Smith and Tom Smith might find
+their way into a public-house parlour, and make love to the landlord's
+daughter, they would assuredly never be allowed to carry their gallantries
+into any European palace, or even to obtain admittance into any
+respectable private family. James, when the scheme was proposed to him,
+discouraged it at first, but being taken by the scapegrace couple in "a
+jovial humour," which means when the trio happened to be disgracefully
+drunk, the consent of the king was given to the farcical enterprise.
+</p>
+<p>
+Having arrived at Madrid, the two hopeful youths rode up on mules to the
+door of Sir Thomas Digby, the British ambassador, and sent in the names of
+John and Thomas Smith; but Digby, knowing no less than half a hundred
+Smiths, declined seeing the "party" unless a more special description was
+sent up to him. Without waiting for further formality, Buckingham&mdash;<i>alias</i>
+Tom Smith&mdash;walked with his portmanteau straight into the ambassador's
+presence, after a series of scuffles on the staircase and in the passages,
+accompanied by shouts of "Keep back, fellow!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"You can't come up!" and other exclamations that had prepared Digby to
+give Tom Smith a reception by no means encouraging. When tne ambassador
+recognised his visitor, his manner completely changed, and his politeness
+knew no bounds, when in Jack Smith, who entered next, Digby saw no less a
+person than the heir to the throne of England. The <i>incognito</i> was of
+course at an end in an instant, and the next day Buckingham and the prince
+were presented to the royal family of Spain, though the farce of the
+disguise was still kept up to a certain extent; and the Infanta was sent
+out in her father's carriage, "sitting in the boot," says Howell, "that
+Charles might get a sight of her." The position of a young lady looking
+from the boot of a carriage could not have been very becoming, and she
+does not seem to have made a particularly favourable impression on her
+intended suitor. He nevertheless expressed his readiness to have another
+look at her, and he played the part of lover at Buckingham's instigation,
+for the purpose of getting a variety of presents from the young lady's
+family.
+</p>
+<p>
+Her brother Philip was anxious for the match, and did everything to
+encourage it, by giving some valuable article to Charles whenever he
+evinced anything like affection for the young Infanta. One day he
+pretended to be in a particularly tender mood, and at every piece of
+gallantry he displayed Philip gave him something costly to take away with
+him. By a series of smirks, leers, and pretty speeches, he secured some
+original pictures by Titian and Correggio, but when he rushed up to the
+Infanta with amorous playfulness, pinking her in the side with his cane,
+and giving the Spanish version of "Whew, you little baggage!" the queen of
+Spain was so delighted that she emptied her reticule, which was full of
+amber, into the pocket of the Prince, while the word "Halves" was
+whispered in a sepulchral tone into his ear by the crafty and avaricious
+Buckingham.
+</p>
+<p>
+When they had got all they could out of the Spanish royal family, the
+English prince and his companion made up their minds that the Infanta was
+a failure, and that they had better get home with all possible celerity.
+Buckingham began treating Philip with the most disrespectful familiarity,
+slapping him boisterously on the back, alluding to him curtly, but not
+courteously, as Phil., ana otherwise offending the royal dignity. At
+length Prince Charles and his companion called to take leave, when the
+former played his old part of a devoted lover, beating in the crown of his
+hat, stamping on the floor, and giving the numerous signs of devotion that
+a practice of several weeks under a popular actor had made him completely
+master of. He had no sooner turned his back upon Madrid, and commenced
+moving towards home, than he made up his mind to cut the matrimonial
+connection; and he announced his determination by a messenger, who was
+instructed to say to Philip, that, for the good of both parties, and
+decidedly for the happiness of one, the abandonment of the marriage was
+much to be desired. Philip, upon whom the Infanta was a drag he would have
+been glad to get off his hands, became angry at the tampering that had
+taken place with the young lady's affections; but as these were no doubt
+pretty tough, the damage was not material.
+</p>
+<p>
+A proxy had been left in the hands of Digby, Earl of Bristol, the British
+Ambassador at Madrid, and the royal family sent nearly every day, with
+their compliments, begging to know when the proxy was to be acted upon;
+but finding at last, that, notwithstanding the proxy, there was no
+approximation to a satisfactory result, a most unpleasant feeling was
+created. Bristol, who was a man of honour, felt very uncomfortable at the
+evasive replies he was compelled to give, and was not sorry to return to
+England; though he had, as he naturally observed, "not bargained for the
+warrant which, in the most unwarrantable manner, awaited his arrival, and
+sent him straight to the Tower." He was soon afterwards released, but was
+not allowed by Buckingham, the favourite, to approach the king, and a
+recommendation to Bristol to go to Bath, or to retire to his country seat,
+was the only reply the ex-ambassador could obtain to his solicitations to
+be allowed to offer explanations to his sovereign.
+</p>
+<p>
+Charles had given the Infanta scarcely time to recover from the jilting
+she had just undergone, when, with a cruel disregard of that young
+person's feelings, he made up to Mademoiselle Henrietta of France, and a
+marriage with the latter was speedily concluded. The dowry, amounting to
+about �100,000, was paid partly down, but the nuptial ceremony was
+performed by proxy; and the English Government wrote over to say that
+there was no hurry about the bride, provided some of the cash was
+transmitted to England as speedily as possible.
+</p>
+<p>
+With some of the cash thus obtained, and with money squeezed out of the
+people, an expensive engagement was formed with Count Mans-feldt, an
+adventurer from the Low Countries, who undertook to recover the
+Palatinate, if an English army of twelve thousand men were placed under
+him. The troops were put at his disposal, and embarked at Dover; but on
+reaching Calais the governor had no orders to let them pass, and in
+consequence of the loss of the city in Mary's time, the free list, of
+which the English had been in the habit of taking advantage, was of course
+suspended. In vain did Mansfeldt inform the door-keeper that it was all
+right, and insist that the name of Mansfeldt and party should have been
+left with the authorities; for the man resolutely declared he had a duty
+to perform, which prevented him from admitting the earl and his followers.
+While they were waiting outside the bar of Calais, several of the troops
+suffered severely from sea-sickness, and being obliged to go round by the
+back way, they had become so attenuated, that instead of being fit for
+marching into the Palatinate, they were much better adapted for marching
+into Guy's Hospital.
+</p>
+<p>
+The failure of this expedition was the last event of importance in the
+reign of James, who was fast sinking under gout and tertian ague, produced
+by a long indulgence in rums, gins, brandies, and other compounds. He
+died, at the age of fifty-nine, on the 27th of March, 1625, having reigned
+upwards of two-and-twenty years, during which he showed himself fully
+deserving of the title bestowed on him by Sully, who said of James the
+First that he was the "wisest fool in Europe." He was learned, it is true,
+but his acquirements, such as they were, became a bore, from his
+disagreeable habit of thrusting them at most inappropriate times upon all
+who approached him. He was weak, mean, and pusillanimous, while his
+excessive vanity caused him to select for his companions those pitiful
+sycophants who would affect admiration for those miserable qualities,
+which, had he cultivated the friendship of honest and intelligent men, he
+might have been eventually broken of. He lost, and indeed he did not
+desire the society of his children, because they could not sympathise with
+those littlenesses of character which, the older they grew, their judgment
+caused them more and more to despise and deplore in their unfortunate
+parent.
+</p>
+<p>
+Happily only two out of seven survived to endure that alienation which
+must have been painful while it would have been unavoidable; and they were
+thus spared the humiliation of seeing a father vain, selfish, and
+unrepentant to the last, while their deaths in rapid succession gave him
+happily no uneasiness. For his eldest son he had, as we have already seen,
+prohibited the wearing of mourning, thus giving a proof of combined malice
+and stupidity, since his insults to the dead were of course as impotent as
+they were wicked and infamous. He was suspicious in the extreme, and
+always fancied he was going to be done or done for. To guard against the
+latter contingency he wore a quilted doublet that was proof against a
+stiletto, and under the apprehension of being taken advantage of, he
+obstinately excluded every one from his confidence. The result was that he
+never had a friend, through his constant dread of an imaginary enemy. It
+has been said of him by one of his historians, that he was fond of
+laughing at his own conceits; but the wretch who can even smile at a joke
+of his own must be such a libel upon human nature that not even Hume-an(d)
+Smollett (ha! ha! mark the pun) shall make us believe that an individual
+so abject could ever have existed.
+</p>
+<p>
+Though the sovereign himself was not calculated to inspire respect, there
+were many events in his reign which rendered it useful if not glorious.
+Sir Hugh Middleton commenced at Amwell that now venerable New River, by
+dabbling in which he swamped himself and secured a stream of health and
+prosperity to those who came after him. The immortal Hicks finished his
+memorable Hall; Lord Napier invented logarithms, to the extreme disgust of
+the school-boys of every generation; and Dr. Harvey made the magnificent
+discovery that the blood is a periodical enjoying the most unlimited
+circulation. Two Dutch navigators contrived to double Cape Horn; which the
+reader must not imagine was twice its present size before that operation
+was performed, for Cape Horn, like any other cape, is not larger when
+doubled. Bill Baffin, an Englishman (you all know Bill Baffin) discovered
+Baffin's Bay in the year 1616, and a patent for the fire engine, granted
+two years afterwards, has been stated as a proof that steam power was
+first known in England in 1618, though upon inquiry we are inclined to
+think there was more of smoke than steam in the invention spoken of.
+</p>
+<p>
+The wealth and extravagance of the nobles, among whom corruption and
+bribery were practised "wholesale, retail, and for exportation," may be
+imagined from the statement, that on the marriage of the French king, the
+horse of the English ambassador wore silver shoes so loosely fastened on,
+that they fell off, and were instantly replaced, for distribution among
+the populace. We can scarcely believe that any English horse could have
+walked in these silver shoes or slippers in the time of James, however
+skilfully they could have substituted sliding for walking, since the Wood
+Demon, coming to London, caused the introduction of wooden pavements.
+</p>
+<p>
+The luxury and display that stand prominently forward among the
+characteristics of the period, were discountenanced by James when seen in
+others, though he would have spared nothing tor the selfish gratification
+of his own extravagance. Bacon, whose tendency to flattery justifies the
+popular analogy between butter and bacon, remarked of the king that he
+would recommend the country gentlemen to remain at their seats, by saying
+to them, "In London you are like ships in a sea, which show like nothing;
+but in your country villages you are like ships in a river, which look
+like great things." * This, after all, was a funny idea, but a bad
+argument; for a ship in a river, like a storm in a puddle, is somewhat out
+of its element. Many would prefer being wrecked in the ocean of a busy but
+tempestuous life, to remaining aground in the dismal swamp of rural
+obscurity. The thing to be desired, is the art of keeping a steady course,
+and steering in the right direction; but it is mere pusillanimity to
+accept a recommendation to shirk the voyage. Among the inventions of the
+reign of James, we must not omit to mention the sedan, a contrivance of
+the lazy and luxurious Buckingham. On its first appearance in public, the
+mob hooted the machine as it passed, declaring that their fellow-creatures
+should not do the service of beasts; but the "fellow-creatures," being
+paid for and liking the job, were the first to beat off their friends, the
+people. The friends of humanity were, however, not content till they had
+broken in the top and knocked out the bottom of the machine, leaving
+Buckingham to walk home in a most uncomfortable case, with his head
+peering out at the top, and his feet appearing at the bottom of his novel
+equipage.
+</p>
+<p>
+The literary characters who flourished in the reign of James were very
+numerous; and we must, of course, place at the head of them our old
+acquaintance the "Swan of Avon," as some goose has most irreverently
+christened him. Shakespeare adorned the time of James by dying in it, as,
+by living in it, he shed a lustre on that of Elizabeth. One of our
+predecessors * in the gigantic task we have undertaken&mdash;and, by the
+way, it is said that Mr. Macaulay, fired by our shining example, is
+preparing himself to follow it by a retirement from public life&mdash;one
+of our predecessors, we repeat, has thrown cold water upon the warm
+admiration which is felt for Shakespeare to this day, and which at this
+very moment is urging the whole nation to buy his house at Stratford,
+though the town was burnt, great at first for the possession of this
+relic, has, we confess, a little abated since our research put us in
+possession of the unpleasant fact, that the bard must have been burnt out,
+notwithstanding the assurance of the auctioneer, who acts, of course, on
+what he considers the best policy. Whatever we may think of the house the
+poet left or did not leave behind him, the houses he still draws by the
+magic of his genius are sufficient to refute the argument of the
+hypercritical Hume, that Shakespeare appeared greater than he really was,
+because he happened to be irregular. We are not aware that irregularity
+and grandeur must necessarily seem to be combined, and indeed,
+irregularity in payment, which considerably aggrandises an account, is the
+only instance we can call to mind in which we see some ground for our
+fellow-historian's strange hypothesis, ** down at about the time when the
+poet lived in it. Our own enthusiasm, which was Fletcher, the dramatist,
+and his partner Beaumont, belonged to the reign of James; but when the
+latter died, in 1616, the firm was broken up; and as each had been nothing
+by himself, Fletcher fell into wretched insignificance. His name had only
+been known in connection with that of Beaumont, and if he attempted to
+play the lion afterwards at an evening party, a cool inquiry of "Fletcher!
+Fletcher! who's Fletcher?" was the only sensation the announcement of his
+name elicited. Some say he died of the plague in 1625, but it is more
+probable that the plaguy indifference shown towards him everywhere, after
+he lost poor Beaumont, was in reality the death of him.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Home.
+
+** Stratford-upon-Avon was all destroyed by fire in
+September, 1614, two years before Shakespeare's death.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Honest Jack Stowe, the antiquarian, ought not to be overlooked, though
+time has long since stowed away his works among the lumber of our
+libraries. His Survey of London was his greatest literary labour, and he
+was preparing a new edition in 1605, when he was obliged to "Stow it" by
+an attack of illness that unhappily proved fatal.
+</p>
+<p>
+Donne, the poet, can hardly be mentioned among the literary dons of the
+age; but Bacon is a luminary that must not be snuffed out in a single
+sentence. It has been said that his wit was far-fetched, but a thing is
+certainly not the less valuable for having been brought from a long way
+off; for if it were so, the diamond would lose much of its value in the
+London market. If Bacon's wit was far fetched, it was not only worth the
+carriage, but it has been found sufficiently valuable to warrant its being
+forwarded on from generation to generation: and it will, we suspect, find
+its way to a still remote posterity, before it arrives at the terminus of
+its journey.
+</p>
+<p>
+James himself was but a contemptible writer, and would have been scarcely
+worth his five pounds a week in these days, as the London correspondent of
+a country newspaper. His imagination would not have been vigorous enough
+to supply him with the "latest intelligence," which must always be in type
+at least two days before the date on which the facts it professes to
+impart are stated to have happened. As an industrious chronicler of early
+gooseberries, new carrots, gigantic cabbages, irruptions of lady-birds,
+and showers of frogs, he would have been useful in his way, or he might
+have undertaken that branch of periodical literature which embraces the
+interesting recollections&mdash;or non-recollections rather&mdash;of the
+oldest inhabitant.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0042" id="link2HCH0042"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE THIRD. CHARLES THE FIRST.
+</h2>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">O</span>N the afternoon of Monday, the 28th of March, 1625, Charles the First was
+proclaimed at Charing Cross, amid a tremendous shower of rain and hail, so
+that the commencement of his reign was hailed in a somewhat disagreeable
+manner. His first care was to turn out the fools and buffoons that his
+father had kept at Court, or rather, as Buckingham called it, to get rid
+of the comic and pantomimic company which had been established in the
+palace. He next determined to send over for his new bride, who appeared to
+have been forgotten in the hurry of business, and who was waiting at
+Paris, "to be left till called for." Buckingham was despatched to take
+charge of the precious cargo; but his behaviour at the French Court was so
+disreputable that he received some very broad hints as to the propriety of
+his speedy return to England. He made love to the young Queen Anne of
+Austria, and flirted with every female member of the royal family, to the
+extreme disgust of Cardinal Richelieu, who told him, plainly, that such
+conduct could not be permitted, at any price.
+</p>
+<p>
+Buckingham took his departure, with the young Henrietta, on the 23rd of
+May; but there must have been pretty goings on, or dreadful standing
+stills, during the journey, for it was the 27th of June before they
+arrived at Dover. Charles, who had naturally begun to wonder what had
+become of his minister and his bride, set off to meet them, and having
+slept at Canterbury on the 27th of June, he reached Dover on the 28th, and
+found his intended, who had "put up" at the Castle.
+</p>
+<p>
+The first interview was very dramatic, for Charles extended both his arms,
+and Henrietta, taking a hop, a skip, and a jump, tumbled gracefully into
+them. Finding her a little taller than he expected, he looked at her feet,
+when the young Princess coquettishly pulled off her shoe, to prove that
+there was no imposition practised, and that it was impossible there could
+be any deception through the medium of high heels, for she and, in
+reality, a sole above it. The newly married couple started for Canterbury
+at once, and making another day of it to Rochester, they came <i>via</i>
+Gravesend to London, where they arrived in the midst of one of those
+pelting showers which have been graphically compared to a <i>m�l�e</i> of
+cats, dogs, and pitchforks.
+</p>
+<p>
+Charles being in want of money had assembled a Parliament, which opened
+for business on the 18th of June, and he at once asked for some supplies;
+but as he stammered in his speech, there was a sort of hesitation in his
+demand, which some took for modesty. With real, or affected delicacy, he
+declined mentioning any specific sum, but requested his faithful Commons
+to give what they pleased, and they were thus placed in the embarrassing
+position of a gentleman, who, on asking "what's to pay?" finds it left to
+that dreadfully sliding scale, his "own generosity." This dishonest
+manouvre, for such it usually is, succeeds frequently in extracting twice
+the proper amount from the pockets of him whose liberality is thus
+artfully invoked; but the Commons, being apparently "up to the dodge,"
+voted Charles �112,000, to meet liabilities to the tune of some �700,000
+per annum, for the war, to say nothing of his father's debts and other
+contingencies. Pocketing this miserably inadequate contribution, he
+adjourned the Parliament, on account of the Plague, and having met it
+again at Oxford, in August of the same year, he told the Commons, plainly,
+that he "must have cash," for he was being dunned by the King of Denmark,
+who held his promissory note, and that his private creditors would allow
+him no peace in his own palace. He protested solemnly that he had not the
+means of paying his way for the subsistence of himself and his family,
+and, throwing a quantity of tradesmen's accounts, unsettled, before the
+Speaker's chair, asked, imploringly, if those were the sort of bills that
+could be got rid of by ordering them to be read that day six months, or by
+their being suffered to lie on the table? The Commons shook their heads,
+expressed their regret, buttoned up their pockets, and declared they could
+do nothing. The matter now became serious, for Charles had changed his
+butcher already three or four times, and was having his bread of nearly
+the last of a confiding batch of bakers. "Something must be done," he
+said, with much solemnity, to himself, and he wrote off a polite note to
+the Corporations of Salisbury and Southampton, requesting the loan of
+�3000, which was loyally granted him. Angry at being baffled and left
+insolvent by his Parliament, he declared that he would, at least, prove
+himself solvent in one respect, by dissolving the Parliament who had so
+rudely resisted his demands.
+</p>
+<p>
+Finding that he had got nothing by begging, and very little by borrowing,
+he was thrown upon the expedient of stealing, as a last resort. With the
+money lent him by some of his subjects he resolved on fitting out a fleet,
+under Cecil, to attack some Spanish ships, which he understood were lying
+at Cadiz, with some valuable cargoes on board. He reached the bay, and
+being kept at bay by the enemy for a short time, he at last landed very
+silently, the leaders exclaiming, "<i>Piano, Piano</i>," and took a fort.
+The troops, finding a quantity of wine in the garrison, partook so freely
+of it that they lost all their ammunition, and spoiled several pounds of
+best canister, by making too free with the juice of the grape. Cecil,
+finding that the longer they remained the more intoxicated they got,
+resolved on re-shipping as many as could be got to stand upon their legs,
+and to return to England. The British sailors were, however, in those
+days, such delicate creatures that half of them died of sea-sickness, and
+a very few of them returned home alive.
+</p>
+<p>
+Charles, having been foiled in his last hope of recruiting his exhausted
+resources by plunder, resolved to try another Parliament, and a new one
+was manufactured with a view to give every chance to the experiment. He
+endeavoured to weaken the opposition by putting several of its members
+into offices which would prevent them from sitting in the House of
+Commons; but, this artful manouvre having been seen through, only served
+to put the people more on their guard.
+</p>
+<p>
+The new Parliament was in its principles the <i>fac simile</i> of its
+predecessor, and on the 6th of February, 1626, voted to Charles just about
+one-tenth of what he really wanted, and one-twentieth of what he asked.
+Notwithstanding the smallness of the subsidy, he took it, and resolved to
+pay his creditors something on account, as far as the money would go, and
+trust to the future to enable him to make up the deficiency. Having shown
+a pretty resolute disposition in dealing with the king, it is not
+surprising that the Commons should at length have determined to take a
+turn at the minister. Buckingham had long been very obnoxious, and one Dr.
+Turner&mdash;remarkable for his straightforward conduct, and his
+determination not to turn&mdash;moved a question, "Whether Common Report
+was a good ground of proceeding?" Though Common Report has generally been
+accounted a common story-teller, she had been tolerably right about the
+Duke of Buckingham, and the resolution to proceed against him on the faith
+of Common Report was at once approved.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 8th of May a still more resolute step was taken with reference to
+the "favourite," as this generally detested person was absurdly called, by
+articles of impeachment being preferred against him. The duke and his
+master seemed to treat the matter rather as a joke, and Charles even went
+down to the House of Lords to speak in favour of Buckingham. These
+proceedings were so clearly unconstitutional and irregular, that if the
+British Lion had taken to roaring, and only roared out in time, he might
+have saved many of the disagreeable consequences that unhappily followed.
+Considering how very intrusive this animal has sometimes been on occasions
+when he really was not wanted, it is lamentable to think that "the squeak
+in time," which might have saved nine times nine hundred and ninety-nine,
+was not forthcoming at the exact moment when its value would have been
+extreme.
+</p>
+<p>
+Notwithstanding the impeachment of Buckingham, he was still loaded with
+fresh honours, and he became Chancellor of the University of Cambridge, at
+which the Commons vainly expressed their disgust. They nevertheless
+continued boldly enough remonstrating against this, and that, and the
+other, until the king regularly shut them up by a dissolution, without
+their having passed a single act.
+</p>
+<p>
+Charles, sympathising with nature in an utter abhorrence of a vacuum,
+which he found in the royal treasury, devoted all his energies to filling
+it. "Must have cash," was the motto adopted by his majesty; who was not
+particular whether he begged, borrowed, or stole, so that he succeeded in
+replenishing his pockets. He looked up every outstanding liability, and
+routed out a lot of recusants who had fallen into arrear with their
+penalties.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0178" id="linkimage-0178"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/514m.jpg" alt="514m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/514.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+He borrowed money from the nobility&mdash;if it can be called borrowing to
+go up to a person, exclaiming, "Lend me your money," and at the same time
+take it forcibly away from him. But the most tremendous swindle of all was
+the demand of ship-money; a tax he laid upon all seaports, under the
+pretence of their contributing a certain number of ships to the defence of
+the country. He, of course, pocketed the proceeds without supplying the
+ships, so that, if the country had been attacked, there would not have
+been a sail to resist the assailants. Charles and his favourite,
+Buckingham, declared, with disreputable frivolity, that the ship-money was
+appropriately applied; for it was, in fact, floating capital, and helped
+to keep them above water just as much as if it had been devoted to the
+purchase of a navy.
+</p>
+<p>
+Something having been said during the sitting of Parliament about a
+subsidy, which had never been granted, Charles thought he might as well
+collect it at any rate, though the Commons had declined voting it.
+Promises were held out that it should all be paid back out of the next
+supplies, or, in fact, that though the king helped himself from the
+right-hand pockets of his subjects, he would return the money out of their
+left-hand pockets&mdash;some day or another. A great many of the people,
+who objected to this remote reversionary interest, were thrown into
+prison, or sent to serve in the navy, where they became British Tars in
+spite of themselves, and some of them having received a classical
+education, introduced, no doubt, the College Hornpipe into the fleet, as
+an elegant and scholarly pastime.
+</p>
+<p>
+Even the church was made the medium of extortion, for the popular
+preachers recommended from their pulpits the propriety of cashing up to
+any extent that the sovereign might require. By way of economising at
+home, Charles went one afternoon to the queen's apartments and dismissed
+every one of her tribe of French servants, who were dancing and curvetting
+in the presence of their mistress. This ballet of private life was
+summarily brought to a close by a general <i>chassez</i> of the whole
+crew, who had been dancing attendance on her majesty since her marriage,
+and she was so enraged at their dismissal that she broke the windows with
+her fist, which shows the panes she was at to mark her displeasure. The
+French women howled very piteously, so that, between their lamentations in
+broken English, and the queen's expostulations in broken glass, the hubbub
+was truly terrible. These disturbances fomented the ill-feeling between
+France and England, which Buckingham desired to increase, and he actually
+had the excessive vanity to put himself at the head of a fleet, which
+sailed to Rochelle, where he "carried himself nobly," to use the words of
+the king, but where, in fact, he carried himself off as speedily as his
+legs would allow, for he ran away after having made a desperate failure.
+Charles was now, once more, as completely cleaned out as a young scamp in
+a farce, who arrives "without sixpence in his pocket," just like "love
+among the roses;" and Buckingham was the roguish valet who is usually in
+attendance on the eccentric light comedian under the circumstances alluded
+to. The worthy couple discussed the best method of raising the wind, and
+it was agreed that there was nothing left but to try it on again with a
+Parliament. "We shall have writs out against ourselves," said Charles, "if
+we do not get the writs out for summoning the Commons." They met on the
+17th of March, 1628, and several of the most determined opponents to
+ship-money were found in the new house, which included Bradshaw, the
+brewer, who was ready to brew the storm of revolution, as well as Maurice,
+a grocer, who suited the times to a T with his liberal sentiments. The
+king made a haughty speech, but the Parliament determined to proceed with
+address, and, upon the grand piscatorial principle of throwing a sprat to
+catch a herring, five subsidies were hinted at for the purpose of securing
+concessions of the utmost value to English liberty. The Petition of Right
+was accordingly drawn up, which declared the illegality of collecting
+money except by the authority of Parliament. It next referred to our old
+friend, your old friend, and everybody else's old friend, Magna Charta, or
+Carter, as some people call it&mdash;perhaps because a broad-wheeled
+waggon has been frequently driven through it&mdash;and this document was
+recited to prove that people could not be imprisoned without cause;
+though, unfortunately for them, they had been imprisoned very frequently,
+in spite of the arrangement that made such a circumstance quite
+impossible. The Petition of Right next alluded to the billeting of
+soldiers on private houses, which had grown into such an abuse, that
+scarcely a family could sit down to tea without half a dozen troopers
+dropping in during the meal, and pocketing the spoons, cribbing the cups,
+or saucily appropriating the saucers, when the entertainment was
+concluded.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Bill of Rights, having been drawn by the Commons, and endorsed by the
+Lords, was offered to Charles for his acceptance. Without either rejecting
+it or adopting it, he wrote under the petition a few vague generalities,
+which meant nothing at all, and the Commons, retiring to their Chamber,
+vented their indignation in a very spirited manner. Sir Robert Phillips
+uttered several severe Philippics against the sovereign; Sir D. Digges
+followed, with some tremendous digs at the throne, declaring it was quite
+<i>infra dig</i>. for the Commons to sit still and do nothing; while Mr.
+Kurton, or, as that miscreant Strype calls him, Curtain, * threw off the
+veil; and even old Coke gave symptoms of having caught the revolutionary
+flame. Selden, whose table-talk is much more amusing than his talk at the
+table of the House of Commons, proposed a strong declaration under four
+heads, and was in the midst of a powerful harangue, when Finch, the
+Speaker, who had got the name of Chaff-Finch, from the badinage in which
+he indulged, ran breathless into the House with a message from the king,
+recommending, as well as his puffing and blowing would permit, an
+adjournment until the next morning. Notwithstanding the valour that had
+been displayed in words, the Commons had not yet learned how to act with
+courage, and they quietly adjourned at the suggestion of the sovereign.
+The next day, however, they met again, and having plucked up all their
+pluck, they continued to demand an explicit answer to the Petition of
+Right, to which the assent of Charles was, one fine afternoon in June,
+1628, somewhat unexpectedly given. Buckingham, who could never keep quiet,
+resolved to make another warlike venture at Rochelle, and had got as far
+as Portsmouth, where, on the 23rd of August, says Howell, "he got out of
+bed in good-humour, and cut a caper or two" in his nightcap and
+dressing-gown. These capers were soon destined to be cut very short, for
+as the duke was passing to his carriage in the course of the day, he
+received a stab from somebody in a crowd of gesticulating Frenchmen, who
+were all suspected of being the assassins, and instead of being taken into
+custody were, oddly enough, kicked down stairs. Buckingham was as dead as
+the British and Foreign Institute, when a number of captains and gentlemen
+rushed into the kitchen of the house, exclaiming&mdash;"Where is the
+villain?"
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* We regret to say, that the motive of Strype in calling
+this person Curtain, instead of Kurton, is too obvious. A
+<i>jeu de mot</i> is at the bottom of this baseness. We forbear
+from saying more, and, according to the accounts of the
+period, his majesty rolled himself about on his bed in an
+agony of tears, until nothing but a wet blanket seemed to
+hang over all his prospects. He nevertheless continued his
+attention to business, but he never had another favourite
+like Buckingham, whom his majesty used to apostrophise
+familiarly as "my Buck," and hence that term of amiability
+no doubt has its origin. He admitted Laud to be in many
+respects laudable; and of Wentworth he acknowledged the
+worth, while Noy, whose maxims contain the maximum of
+wisdom, was so far appreciated as to get the place of
+Attorney-General.
+</pre>
+<p>
+"<i>Ou est le boucher!</i>" Upon this a gentleman of the name of Felton,
+who had been screening himself in the meat-screen, stood forth, and struck
+an attitude, vociferating "Here I am."
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0179" id="linkimage-0179"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/517m.jpg" alt="517m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/517.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+He then handed over his hat, in the crown of which he had stitched the
+full and true particulars of his own crime, which he requested might be
+read out, while he did the appropriate pantomime to the confession in the
+centre of a group of listeners. Felton gloried in the act he had
+committed, and when put upon his trial there was a good deal of badinage
+between himself and Judge Jones, whom the prisoner politely thanked for
+the announcement that he was to be hanged until he was dead, at Tyburn.
+</p>
+<p>
+The king was greatly affected on hearing of Buckingham's death.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 30th of January, 1629, the Parliament met once more, and Charles
+turning out both his pockets, urged the necessity of supplies. He declared
+that as to his balance at his bankers, it had become like "linked
+sweetness," for it had been "long drawn out," and the public treasury had
+been swept up several times, in the hope of finding an odd coin or two;
+but there was not a shilling to be found, and Charles was running up bills
+in all directions with his tradespeople. The Commons, instead of giving
+him the money to pay his debts, brought against him all their own old
+scores, and there were several stormy discussions, the storminess of which
+may be accounted for by the long-windedness of many of the orators.
+</p>
+<p>
+Among those who took part in these debates, was a clownish-looking person
+of about thirty years of age, with a slovenly coat, and a hat so bad that
+Strype hints it was perhaps without a crown, to mark the republican
+objection to crowns which was entertained by the owner. This individual
+was Mr. Oliver Cromwell, the new member for Huntingdon, who brewed beer
+and political storms until the country itself became Cromwell's entire,
+the Crown his butt, and the Constitution his mash-tub.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0180" id="linkimage-0180"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figright" style="width:30%;">
+<img src="images/518m.jpg" alt="518m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/518.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+Charles finding the Parliament in a very unaccommodating humour, desired
+Sir John Finch, the Speaker, to adjourn the House, but the House refused
+to be adjourned, and when he was about to leave the chair, he found
+himself suddenly knocked back into it, with his arms pinioned, which
+rendered him incapable of putting any motion whatever, for he was quite
+motionless. A few privy councillors rushing in, endeavoured to release
+him, but the opposite party bound him again to the chair, and the trial of
+strength between the two factions ended in a tie&mdash;as far as poor
+Finch was concerned&mdash;for he remained fastened in the seat of dignity.
+At length the Speaker, who could not dissolve the House, began dissolving
+himself in tears, and the king who had been waiting for him to come and
+tell the news, was so impatient, that messengers were dispatched to know
+what had become of him. Hearing that Finch was caged, or in other words
+locked in, the king could only leave the poor bird to his fate; but he
+despatched a messenger to tell the sergeant to slip out of the House
+quietly with his mace, which would dissolve the sitting. The sergeant may
+perhaps have forgotten the right cue, but he had got the right mace, and
+had walked nearly to the door, when he was stopped and pushed back, the
+key of the House taken from him and placed in the hands of one of the
+members, who promised to keep tight hold of it.
+</p>
+<p>
+Charles, hearing that the door was bolted, went down, determined to force
+it open; but happily, he found the Commons had bolted instead of the door,
+or at least, they were on the point of doing so. The king, nevertheless,
+ordered several of the ringleaders to be arrested, and he intimated pretty
+plainly to the Commons that he would not trouble them again for a very
+considerable period. He had, in fact, resolved to take all matters of
+Government entirely into his own hands; and though Magna Charta, with a
+few other trifles of the kind, stood in his way, he did not scrapie to
+trample on rights and liberties, which he knew were being continually
+renewed, as occasion required.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 10th of March, 1629, the day to which the Commons had adjourned
+themselves, Charles came down to the House of Lords with the proclamation
+of dissolution in his pocket. His majesty began by saying, that this was
+"really a very unpleasant business," that "he had no fault to find with
+the Lords," but "there were some vipers among the Commons"; whom,
+according to the unhappy Strype, he expressed his determination of "viping
+out"&mdash;observe the paltry evasion of the W for the sake of the pun&mdash;"with
+the utmost energy." Thus, by flattering the Lords and threatening the
+Commons, or, to continue the language of Strype, "soaping the Upper House,
+and lathering the Lower," did Charles dissolve his Parliament. Several
+members had already been placed in custody, among whom were Eliot, Holies,
+and Selden, the last of whom was such an inveterate table-talker, that his
+tongue was always getting him into scrapes of the most serious character.
+An information was exhibited against them in the Star-Chamber, but they
+were subsequently offered their release, on promising to be of good
+behaviour, which they refused to do, for they felt they would have been
+good for nothing had they entered into such a disgraceful compact. Eliot
+died in prison, and the rest were adjudged to be detained during the
+pleasure of the king, and as he took great pleasure in persecuting his
+refractory Commons, there was every chance that their "durance vile" would
+be unpleasantly durable.
+</p>
+<p>
+The 29th of May, 1630, was signalised by the birth of Prince Charles, and
+it is said that a bright star shone in the east at midday, which some have
+considered ominous. To us, the appearance of the star by daylight, on the
+birth of this dissolute scapegrace, denotes nothing more than a propensity
+for not going home till morning, or till daylight did appear. About the
+same time that severities were being practised on the Commons, one Richard
+Chambers refused to pay more than legal duty on a bale of silk, and the
+Custom-house officers going at him rather fiercely, he declared that
+"merchants were more screwed in England than they were in Turkey." His
+audience hearing him use the word "screwed," at once nailed him to the
+expression, and he was fined �2000 for the <i>lapsus lingua</i> he had
+fallen into. Unhappily, political martyrdom was not, in those days, so
+good a trade as it has subsequently become, and poor Chambers had neither
+a subscription opened to pay his fine, nor a testimonial to reimburse him
+for the expense of resistance. A struggle for principle was then a
+struggle indeed, and not an eligible medium for advertisements. A Chambers
+of the present day would have made his principles pay him an enormous
+percentage, and would have made a handsome fortune for himself by what he
+would have termed his exertions for the happiness and liberty of the
+people. Poor Chambers, however&mdash;the real martyr of 1630&mdash;died in
+a prison at last, after waiting for redress from the Long Parliament,
+which was a little too long in making reparation to the victim of
+oppression, Charles had apparently made up his mind to get on as well as
+he could without any Parliament at all, and having bribed some of the
+cleverest fellows in the kingdom, he thought that as one fool proverbially
+makes many, one or two knaves would also be found to fructify. Among the
+shameless apostates of that day were of course many who had been mouthing
+most energetically on the popular side; and Wentworth, who had been
+originally one of the very noisiest of the people's friends, became the
+meanest and most inveterate of the people's enemies. Having brawled for
+some years against aristocracy, his purpose at length peeped out in his
+acceptance of a peerage for himself, and the man who had been continually
+bullying the Court, became its fawning favourite. Digges, who had been, as
+we have already intimated, digging away most energetically at the
+constituted authorities, accepted the post of Master of the Bolls, for he
+had, as he said, made the discovery on which side his bread was buttered.
+</p>
+<p>
+It would be tedious to the reader, and difficult to ourselves, to give a
+catalogue of the exactions and impositions which were practised by Charles
+between the years 1629, when the Parliament was dissolved, and 1640, the
+year marked by the assembly of a new one. He revived, among other
+cruelties, the old practice of making knights of all persons possessing
+forty pounds a year, and either charging ruinous fees for imposing the
+so-called honour, or imposing a heavy fine for declining it. Knighthood
+became such a fearful drug in the market of dignities, that it is not
+surprising it should even up to this day have failed to recover its
+position. The cry of "Dilly, dilly," was never more ferociously addressed
+to the ducks who were invited to "come and be killed," than was the
+command to "come and be knighted," enforced against the unwilling victims,
+who were selected either to pay the penalty for declining, or the fees on
+receiving this unenviable distinction.
+</p>
+<p>
+While guilty of wholesale persecution, Charles did not, however, neglect
+the retail branch, and a Puritan preacher named Leighton&mdash;a blind
+fanatic, but, notwithstanding his blindness, no relation we believe to
+Leighton Buzzard&mdash;was exposed to the utmost cruelty for writing some
+<i>ad captandum</i> trash against the queen and the bishops; a bombastic
+little work, which neither repaid perusal, nor repaid the printer who
+brought it forward. Poor Leighton was fined for his coarseness, and
+flogged for his flagellation of the authorities, besides being compelled
+to undergo a variety of other barbarisms, the narration of which we would
+have attempted, but we found our very ink turning pale at the bare
+prospect of our doing so. The Puritans now began to emigrate in great
+numbers to America, and they no doubt laid the foundation of that drawl
+which has ever since distinguished the tone of the model republicans.
+</p>
+<p>
+We now arrive at the tragical story of poor Mr. William Prynne, a
+barrister of Lincoln's Inn, who, in the utter absence of briefs, finding
+himself at a dead stand-still for want of a motion, had started a trumpery
+little work with one Sparkes, a publisher. The volume had the unattractive
+title of "<i>Histrio Mastric</i>, the Players' Scourge, or Actors'
+Tragedie," in which he made an attempt to write down the stage in
+particular, and all amusements in general. He denounced all who went to
+the play as irredeemably lost, and he neither exempted the free list, the
+half-price, or those who went in with the orders of the Press, from the
+anathema, which he hurled indiscriminately against the "brilliant and
+crowded audiences" nightly honouring such-and-such an establishment with a
+succession of overflows. The queen not only patronised the drama, but
+sometimes appeared herself as a distinguished amateur, and the whole of
+Prynne's book was taken to apply to her, though she was not even mentioned
+in any part of it. Poor Prynne was declared to be a wolf in sheep's
+clothing, and, considering that he was a barrister who had turned author,
+the alleged mixture of wolfishness and sheepishness may be fairly
+attributed to his character. He was found guilty, of course, and upon
+sentence being passed, the Chief Justice expressed his regret that a
+gentleman, who had handed in on two or three occasions a compute, and was
+a promising junior of twenty years' standing&mdash;without ever being on
+his legs&mdash;should have brought himself into such an unpleasant
+predicament.
+</p>
+<p>
+He was condemned to be degraded from the profession, or in fact to be
+dishonoured; to pay a fine of �5000, which was by no means feasible, when
+we consider his fees, and to be kept from the use of pen, ink, and paper,
+which was perhaps the most humane part of the sentence, for he was thus
+prevented from proceeding with his wretched trade of authorship. The poor
+fellow, however, contrived to write humorous articles on the soles of his
+boots; and "Prynne on the Understanding," though it was rubbed out as mere
+rubbish by the man who cleaned his boots, might have taken its place by
+the side of many more lofty productions of the period. His sentence was
+exceedingly cruel, and comprised "branding on the forehead," as if his
+enemies would have it believed "there was nothing inside to hurt," while
+his nose was savagely maltreated, to prevent its being again poked into
+that which did not concern its owner. His ears were cropped under the
+pretext of their being a great deal too long, and indeed Prynne was so
+altered, as a punishment for rushing into print, that his own clerk would
+not have known him again in the abridged edition which the Government
+reduced him to.
+</p>
+<p>
+We have now to treat of the great civil war; but the magnitude of the
+subject requires us to take breath, which we cannot do unless we break off
+and begin a fresh chapter.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0043" id="link2HCH0043"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE FOURTH. CHARLES THE FIRST (CONTINUED).
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0181" id="linkimage-0181"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/522m.jpg" alt="522m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/522.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+HE great civil war was brought on by a series of incidents we will now
+briefly explain; but we must premise that the turncoat Noy had been long
+hunting for precedents to justify Charles in any course of despotism that
+he might resolve upon. It never was very difficult to find precedents in
+the legal records for anything, however cruel, tyrannical, or absurd, and
+Noy was not the man to be over nice in putting upon the case in "the
+books" whatever construction would be most favourable to the views of his
+master. The ingenious Noy took care to discover that the supplying of
+ship-money by sea ports was a custom as old as the hills, and giving a
+large interpretation to the word hills, he assumed that land as well as
+water should supply ships, and that inland places as well as those on the
+coast were consequently liable to the impost. He argued that almost every
+town, however far from the shore, had marine interests, for there was
+always a dealer in marine stores, and in fact he urged that a town being
+unable to float a ship, might nevertheless be made to build or at least to
+pay for one.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the midst of these ingenious theories and perplexing points of law, Noy
+died, which is no matter of astonishment to us, for the idea of looking up
+such a subject as ship-money, and having "case for opinion" continually on
+his desk, is sufficiently formidable to reconcile with it the decease of
+the barrister to whom the business had been confided. London was selected
+as the first place on which the demand for ship-money was made, and an
+attempt to excite the fears of the citizens, by getting up a cry very like
+that of "Old Bogie" was resorted to. A proclamation was issued declaring
+that a set of "thieves, pirates, robbers of the sea, and Turks," were
+expected by an early boat, though a sharp look-out along the offing at
+Gravesend and Richmond, through one of which the pirates must pass, would
+have convinced the greenest of the green that a corsair was not likely to
+be eating his white-bait at Blackwall, nor was England in danger of an
+invasion by a horde of ruffians coming up from the other side of the world
+at the Chelsea end of the metropolis. Several ships were ordered, but the
+citizens would have been quite at sea had they attempted to supply a ship,
+and a composition in money was demanded as an easier method of satisfying
+the wants of the Government. Considerable resistance was made to this
+gigantic swindle, and the celebrated John Hampden immortalised himself by
+the part he took in the struggle. This true patriot had consulted his
+legal advisers on the subject of ship-money, and hearing from them that it
+could not be justly claimed, he determined that he would resist the impost
+at any sacrifice. The matter came on for argument upon demurrer, in the
+Court of Exchequer, on the 6th of November, 1637, and lasted till the 18th
+of December, when their lordships were unable to agree in their judgment.
+The majority, however, ultimately decided against Hampden, but two of the
+judges continuing to differ from the rest, it was felt that the imposition
+was seen through, and that the public would have the sanction of at least
+some of the legal dignitaries for resisting it. Wentworth would have
+whipped Hampden like poor Prynne, but not all the black rods, white rods,
+and rods in pickle the Court could muster, would have been sufficient for
+the flagellation of so great a character.
+</p>
+<p>
+The dissatisfaction of the people, and the unconstitutional practices of
+the king, were not confined to England, for Scotland, after having been
+taken&mdash;or rather having been merged in the English monarchy&mdash;was
+destined to be well shaken by political convulsions. The proximate cause
+of the dissatisfaction of the Scotch, who are not a remarkably excitable
+race unless their pockets are threatened, was the introduction of the
+English service into their churches; and when the Dean of Edinburgh began
+to read it on Sunday, the 23rd of July, 1637, he was assailed with shouts
+of the most indecorous character. The populace clapped with their hands,
+kicked with their heels, and bellowed with their lungs till the Bishop of
+Edinburgh, who had ascended the pulpit to entreat that order might be
+preserved, was compelled to bob down his head to avoid a three-legged
+stool that was thrown with savage force by one of the assembled multitude.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0182" id="linkimage-0182"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/524m.jpg" alt="524m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/524.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The Scotch congregation continued to evince their zeal for their religion
+by throwing sticks, stones, and dirt (of which they had a good deal always
+on their hands) at the unprotected prelate, and cries of "stone him!" "at
+him again!" "give it him!" "throw him over!" "turn him out!" resounded
+through the sacred edifice. The religious ruffians kept up their ferocity
+without intermission wherever the new service was commenced, and thus,
+though they might easily have satisfied their consciences by abstaining
+from attendance at the churches where innovation had been introduced, they
+preferred to intimidate and brutally attack the inoffensive ministers.
+This was another of the innumerable instances history has to record of the
+name of religion being desecrated by its being applied to acts utterly at
+variance with every religious principle.
+</p>
+<p>
+Charles, who in this instance evinced a keen perception of Scotch
+character, resolved to punish the people of Edinburgh in a manner they
+would be sure to feel; and by threatening to remove the council of
+government from that city to Linlithgow, he touched them in what is the
+Scotchman's tenderest point&mdash;his pocket. Whether it was from fear of
+a general stoppage to business, and the consequent loss of its profits, or
+from some more exalted cause, the Scotch desisted from physical violence,
+and took a great moral resolution, which is in every way respectable. A
+document, called the Covenant, was drawn up, and its sentiments were put
+forth with the eloquence of enthusiasm from the home of John O'Groat&mdash;by-the-by,
+who was this Jack Fourpence, Esq., of whom we have heard so much?&mdash;to
+the hills of Cheviot. The Covenanters had exchanged the brickbat and
+bludgeon style of argument for the lighter but more pointed and effective
+weapon&mdash;the pen&mdash;though they still acted in the most unchristian
+spirit of intolerance and persecution towards those who would not adopt
+their sentiments.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Marquis of Hamilton was sent to Scotland with instructions to do all
+he could, and a great deal that he couldn't. He was to apprehend all the
+rebels, if possible; but not being of a very lively apprehension, it was
+not likely he would succeed greatly in this portion of his enterprise. He
+was to overturn the Covenant in six weeks, if he found it convenient to do
+so, or in less if he found it otherwise. In fact, his instructions might
+be summed up into an order to go and make the best of a bad job&mdash;an
+attempt which frequently ends in leaving the matter much worse than one
+originally found it.
+</p>
+<p>
+On his arrival at Holyrood his first effort to persuade the people to give
+up the Covenant was met by an attempt to cram it down his own throat, but
+he refused the proffered dose, and finding himself in a very awkward fix,
+he could only hope to temporise. Charles wrote to him to say, "he would
+rather die than give in," but Hamilton, knowing his master would have to
+die by deputy, and that the deputy would be no other than himself,
+entreated his majesty not to be too open in his demonstrations of force
+against his Scotch subjects. The Covenanters on the other hand declared
+they meant nothing disrespectful to the throne, and that their pelting,
+shouting, bullying, stoning, and protesting, were all to be considered as
+acts performed in the most loyal spirit, and without the smallest idea of
+disobedience to the royal mandate.
+</p>
+<p>
+Some negotiations ensued between the two parties, and it was resolved that
+a General Assembly should be held in Glasgow forthwith, while a
+proclamation was issued for a Parliament to meet at Edinburgh a few months
+afterwards. Hamilton knew the Assembly would do no good, and wrote to the
+king to say so; but Charles answered, that it would at all events gain
+time, and the Scotch might perhaps, if they met together in large numbers,
+come to the scratch among themselves&mdash;a result that was exceedingly
+probable.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Marquis of Hamilton reached Glasgow on the 17th of November, 1638; and
+the General Assembly commenced on the 21st with a sermon of such
+tremendous length, that the audience were pretty well exhausted by the
+time it was concluded. The Assembly would have then chosen a moderator;
+but Hamilton starting up with a polite "I beg your pardon," told them
+there was a little Commission to read in order to explain by what
+authority he was sitting there. The Commission was exceedingly long, and
+all in Latin, which enabled the officer entrusted with the commission of
+reading the Commission, to extemporise rather extensively, by adding to
+the original Latin a considerable quantity of Dog, which spun out the time
+amazingly. The Assembly then again prepared to choose a moderator, when
+Hamilton starting up, exclaimed&mdash;"I'm very sorry to be so
+troublesome, but I must interrupt you again, for I wish you to hear this
+letter from his majesty."
+</p>
+<p>
+Charles had purposely despatched a most unintelligible scrawl, and the
+functionary employed to read it prolonged the painful operation of
+deciphering it as long as he could, until at length the reading of the
+letter was concluded. The Assembly being again about to proceed to elect a
+moderator, Hamilton once more was upon his legs, with a "Dear me, you'll
+think me very tiresome, but I have really something very particular to
+say;" and off he went into a speech which seemed almost interminable, from
+its excessive wordiness.
+</p>
+<p>
+As all things must come to a conclusion, if not to an end&mdash;Hamilton's
+speech, for example, came to no end at all&mdash;the oration of the
+marquis was terminated at last, and for the fourth time the Assembly had
+begun to choose a moderator, when Hamilton interfered with a "Stop! stop!
+stop! Before you go any further, remember that I protest against anything
+you may do that will be prejudicial to the king's prerogative."
+</p>
+<p>
+At length he was formally asked if he had quite done with his
+interruptions, and having exhausted all his resources, he was constrained
+to admit that he had no further remark to make, when the election of a
+moderator was proceeded with. Alexander Henderson, a minister of Fife,&mdash;which
+might well have been called, in the strong language of Shakespeare, the
+"ear-piercing Fife," for it was determined to make itself heard,&mdash;was
+chosen to the office, and Hamilton was again on his legs to read a
+protest, but a general cry of "Down! down! Come! come! we've had enough of
+that," prevented the marquis from proceeding further in his obstructive
+policy. The Assembly then chose one Archibald Johnston as clerk, and
+Hamilton, determined to give the Covenanters one more lesson on the
+Hamiltonian system, commenced protesting against the last appointment they
+had made. The marquis was, however, most unceremoniously pooh-poohed, and
+the Assembly adjourned.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the next day Hamilton began the old game of entering more protests
+against the return of lay elders to the Assembly, but he was treated with
+no more respect than if he had been a lay figure, and was compelled to
+hold his tongue. Being checked in every attempt to enter a protest on his
+own account, he insisted on patronising ana adopting a protest of the
+bishops who denied the jurisdiction of the Assembly, but one of the clerks
+of session thundering out a declaration that they would go on with the
+proceedings, Hamilton started up once more, "begging pardon for being so
+very troublesome, but adding that he really must protest to that." Finding
+his protestations utterly useless, he thought it better to protest to the
+whole thing <i>en masse</i>, and he accordingly dissolved the General
+Assembly on the ensuing day. Henderson, the moderator&mdash;so called, on
+the <i>lucus a non lucendo</i> principle, from his being no moderator at
+all&mdash;declared he was sorry they were going to lose the pleasure of
+Hamilton's company, but the Assembly, being assembled, had no intention to
+disperse. The marquis, who had gone about muttering to himself "Oh, you
+know, this is quite absurd! I'm no use here," made the best of his way to
+England. He urged Charles to take military measures against the Scotch,
+but they were very active in making warlike preparations, and had already
+got up a magazine at Edinburgh&mdash;no relation to Blackwood or Tait&mdash;which
+was full of pikes, muskets, halberts, and other striking but very
+offensive articles. In the meantime the coffers of Charles were standing
+perfectly empty, nobody in the city would take his paper upon any terms,
+and indeed he could accept no bills, for there was no Parliament in
+existence to draw the documents. He called upon the judges, the clergy,
+and even the humbler servants of the crown, to contribute part of their
+salaries to his necessities&mdash;a process very like borrowing a portion
+of the wages of one's cook to pay one's butcher.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0183" id="linkimage-0183"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/527m.jpg" alt="527m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/527.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The Covenanters had got together a tolerably large number of troops, under
+General Leslie, and Hamilton was sent with five thousand men to take
+Leith, but by the time he got into the waters of Leith(e) his soldiers
+seemed to be oblivious of their duties, for they all deserted him.
+</p>
+<p>
+Charles now thought it high time to go and see about the Scotch business
+himself, and he started, per coach, for York, with the Duke of Lennox and
+the Earl of Holland as inside passengers. He was met at that city by the
+recorder, as the coach drew up to the inn door, and that functionary, in a
+fulsome speech, told him he had built his throne on two columns of diamond&mdash;the
+parasite forgetting that the old notion of "diamond cut diamond" might
+unpleasantly suggest itself. At York Charles enacted an oath of fidelity
+from the nobles, which was taken by all but Lord Saye and Brook, the
+former declaring he should be a mere do if he consented to say what he did
+not mean, and the latter intimating that he was far too deep a Brook to
+commit himself in the manner that the king required.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 29th of April Charles left York and repaired to Durham, where the
+bishop feasted him famously, giving him Durham mustard every day, as a
+condiment to the delicious dishes that were prepared for him. He next
+advanced to Newcastle, where the mayor entertained him sumptuously; but
+while the king went to dinner he heard that many of his troops were going
+to desert, and by the time he got to Berwick he was glad to listen to a
+proposition for a truce, which, after a good deal of trumpeting on both
+sides, was arranged without a blow&mdash;except those conveyed through the
+trumpet&mdash;on either.
+</p>
+<p>
+A conference was next agreed upon, between the deputies of the Covenanters
+and the Commissioners of the king; but, just as they were commencing
+business, Charles walked in, saying, "I am told you complain that you
+can't be heard! Now then, fire away, for I am here to hear you." Lord
+Loudon, who was loud without being effective, began to make a speech, but
+the king cut him short, and Loudon, with all his loudness, remained
+inaudible during the rest of the sitting. The parties to the negotiation
+were pretty well matched, for royal roguery had to contend with Scotch
+cunning. "We must give and take," said Charles. "Yes, that's all very
+well, but you want us to do nothing but give, that you may do nothing but
+take," was the keen reply of the Caledonians. The assemblies of the Kirk
+were to be legalised, and an act of oblivion was to be passed, which was
+very unnecessary on the king's side, at least, for he was very apt to
+forget himself. Castles, forts, ammunition, and even money, were to be
+delivered up to the king, but part of the money having been spent, the
+cunning Scotchmen accounted for the deficiency by saying to his majesty,
+"You can't eat your cake and have it&mdash;that is very well known; and as
+we have eaten your cake, that you can't have it is a natural consequence."
+</p>
+<p>
+Charles was puzzled, though not quite convinced, by this reasoning; but he
+thought it best to acquiesce for the sake of peace and quietness in all
+the proposed arrangements. The two armies were disbanded on the 24th of
+June, and Charles having stopped at Berwick to buy a Tweedish wrapper,
+returned to England. The king was now seized very seriously with a fit of
+his old complaint&mdash;the want of money&mdash;and he called in Laud and
+Hamilton to consult with Wentworth about a cure for the distressing
+malady. It was agreed, after some hesitation, to try another Parliament,
+and Wentworth suggested that an Irish Parliament might be tried first,
+upon which he was named Lord Lieutenant of Ireland, with the title of Earl
+of Strafford, to give him more weight in making the experiment. The Irish
+Parliament promised four subsidies off-hand, and two more if required; but
+an Irish promise to pay, is little better than a bill without a stamp, a
+promissory note without a date, or an I O U without a signature.
+</p>
+<p>
+At length on the 13th of April, 1640, the English Parliament met, and it
+contained many eminent men, among whom Hampden, who sat for the town of
+Buckingham, was one of the most conspicuous. Finch, who had been formerly
+Speaker, was now Lord Keeper, a position he was most anxious to keep, and
+Mr. Serjeant Glanvil was chosen to fill the Speaker's chair, upon which he
+made a long tedious speech that annoyed everyone by its premises, as much
+as it gratified every one by its conclusion. The debates very soon assumed
+a most important air; and Pym&mdash;who, from his effeminate voice, had
+got the name of Niminy Pyminy from some parasites of the king&mdash;held
+forth with wondrous power, on the subject of national grievances. Charles,
+who hated the word grievance&mdash;it is a pity he did not abhor and avoid
+the act&mdash;ordered Parliament to attend him next day in the Banqueting
+Hall, not to give them an opportunity of filling their mouths, but for the
+purpose of stopping them. Charles said nothing himself, but set Finch at
+them, who told them that they must first vote the supplies, and that then
+they might luxuriate in their grievances to their hearts' content, and
+having given the king his cash, they would be at liberty to look out for
+their own consolation. The Commons were not to be so cajoled, and on the
+30th of April resolved themselves into a committee of the whole House on
+the question of ship-money.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Lords, who were servile to the king, no sooner heard of this than they
+sent down to request a conference, but the Commons, who could get no
+satisfactory answer to the questions "why?" and "what about?" of course,
+on seeing the trap, declined tumbling into it. In vain did Charles send
+down to say he had a large amount to make up, and would be glad to know
+when it would be convenient to let him have "<i>that</i> subsidy," and
+even Sir Henry Vane, his treasurer, came&mdash;it can't be helped, the
+wretched pun must out&mdash;Yes! even Vane presented himself in vain to
+know when the supplies would be ready. The usual mode of getting rid of a
+pertinacious dun was resorted to by saying that an answer should be sent;
+and on the 5th of May, 1640, Charles, having asked the Speaker to
+breakfast, and as some say, made him exceedingly drunk, ran down to the
+House of Lords and dissolved the Parliament.
+</p>
+<p>
+The state of the money-market was now truly frightful, and the emissaries
+of Charles ran about in all directions crying out "Cash! Cash! We must
+have Cash!"
+</p>
+<p>
+Bullion was got from the Tower by bullying the people who had charge of
+it, and when no more good money was to be got, a proposition for coining
+four hundred thousand pounds' worth of bad was coolly suggested. "By
+Jove!" said the king, "when we can't snow white, we must snow brown, and
+if we can't snow silver, we must snow copper." Such snow would, however,
+have been equivalent tobits Latin appellation of <i>nix</i>, and the
+merchants foreseeing the danger of depreciating the coinage, prevented the
+uttering of base money, which would have been a source of unutterable
+confusion. The swindling resorted to for supplying the necessities of the
+king was something quite unsurpassed even in the annals of the most modern
+of fraudulent bankruptcies. Charles got goods on credit at a high price,
+and sold them for ready from the Tower by bullying money at a low one;
+horses were lugged out of carriages or carts, leaving the owners to draw
+their own vehicles and their own conclusions; and indeed the king's
+emissaries went about like a clown in a pantomime, appropriating and
+pocketing everything they could lay their hands upon. "See what I have
+found!" was a common cry at the snatching of a purse or anything else for
+the use of the king, and the example of robbery being set in high
+quarters, was sure to be followed in low with the utmost activity. The
+London apprentices were invited by a posting-bill stuck upon the Royal
+Exchange to a <i>soir�e</i> at Lambeth, for the purpose of sacking the
+palace of the archbishop, but Laud was ready with cannon, loaded with
+grape, and the apprentices muttering that the grapes were sour, abandoned
+their formidable intention.
+</p>
+<p>
+Hostilities with Scotland having again broken out, Charles had his hands
+quite full, and his pockets quite empty. The disputants on both sides were
+ultimately glad to come to another truce, for they found themselves after
+a great deal of fighting exactly where they were before they began, except
+some of the killed and wounded, who, unfortunately for them, were anything
+but just as they were at the commencement of the contest. The Scots were
+to receive, according to treaty, the sum of �850 per day for two months,
+and Charles, wondering where the money was to come from, recollected that
+the Commons had the glorious privilege of voting the supplies, together
+with the glorious privilege of raising the money.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0044" id="link2HCH0044"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE FIFTH CHARLES THE FIRST (CONCLUDED).
+</h2>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">S</span>UCH an unfortunate sovereign as Charles is a melancholy subject to dwell
+upon, but we must not cut him short though his contemporaries cruelly
+served him so. With a melancholy forboding of what was to come, the king,
+on the 3rd of November, 1640, opened the Long Parliament. One of its
+earliest acts was to release from prison our learned friend Mr. Prynne,
+and to give him �5000 damages for his detention. On hearing the decision
+he declared he would live no longer like a Prynne, but like a prince; and
+by way of a beginning he came down one flight of stairs, and had "2 pair,
+Mr. Prynne," instead of "3 pair, Mr. Prynne," marked on the door-post of
+his chambers.
+</p>
+<p>
+Strafford, who felt that his turn would very soon come, remained out of
+town as long as he could, under the idea that, in conformity with the
+proverb, "Out of sight out of mind," the Commons, if they did not see him,
+would never think of him. Charles, however, wrote to him, telling him that
+"to keep so long out of sight he must, indeed, be out of his mind," and
+insisted on his coming up to town to take his place in Parliament. He had
+scarcely entered the House of Lords before Mr. Pym appeared at the bar to
+impeach Thomas Earl Strafford in the name of all the Commons of England.
+The earl was taken to the Tower; and the chief secretary, Windebank, had
+he not discovered something in the wind, which caused him to take to
+flight, would assuredly have been obliged to follow the favourite, or even
+to come in with him neck and neck, which means, in this instance, neck or
+nothing. Finch, the Lord Keeper, was next proceeded against, but, having
+made one speech in his own defence, he availed himself of the natural
+qualities of the Finch family, by taking to flight, or to speak more
+characteristically, he "hopped the twig," and fled to Holland. Several
+others were threatened with Parliamentary vengeance, and Berkeley was
+actually arrested while sitting as a peer in his ermine, which he said had
+been done because the mob had resolved to undermine the Constitution.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 19th of January, 1641, Mr. Prideaux brought in a bill to regulate
+the holding of Parliaments. Its object was to provide for their being
+summoned by the Lords in case of the refusal of the king, or by the
+Sheriffs in default of the Lords, or on the failure of King, Lords, and
+Sheriffs, the thing was to be done by the people. There was, by this
+measure, to be a new Parliament once in three years, which was allowing
+rather amply for wear and tear; and though Charles was very reluctant, he
+ultimately gave his consent to the arrangement. Those very ill-used
+gentlemen, the bishops, who are always selected as a mark when the spirit
+of revolution is abroad taking random shots at everything venerable, were
+of course not allowed on this occasion to escape, and the Commons voted
+them most unceremoniously out of Parliament.
+</p>
+<p>
+The great event of the session, however, was the trial of Lord Strafford,
+who on the morning of Monday, the 22nd of March, boated it, or rather
+barged it, up from the Tower to Westminster. Everything, even the tide was
+against him, and the Earl of Arundel, who was notoriously his enemy, acted
+as High Steward at the trial. The impeachment contained twenty-eight
+articles, every one of them being capital, so that if Strafford had
+possessed twenty heads, it is quite clear that the deep revenge of his
+accusers "had stomach for them all." Strafford's reply was written out on
+two hundred sheets of paper, but a good bold text hand must have been
+employed, for the two hundred sheets, as well as the articles of
+impeachment, were all got through on the first day of the trial.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is rather a strange way of proceeding to take the reply before hearing
+evidence in support of the charge; but such was the practice on this
+momentous occasion. Arundel next called upon the managers of the Commons
+to bring forward their proofs, and Pym began a very roundabout address in
+the fashion of the period. The speech of Pym was a reiteration of the
+charges in the impeachment, served up with a <i>garniture</i> of his own
+eloquence. Strafford declared it was a conspiracy, of course, for it is a
+curious fact that the most flagrant criminals have always been&mdash;if
+they are to be believed, which we need scarcely say they are not&mdash;the
+victims of a cruel combination against injured innocence. Strafford asked
+for time to plead, but he had not taken out a summons in the regular way,
+and accordingly only half an hour was awarded him. He nevertheless made
+such good use of this short time, that he made a capital speech, and
+concluded with a puzzle almost as good as the old original inquiry, with
+reference to the red herring and the sack of coals. * "For if," said he,
+"the one thousand misdemeanors will not make a felony, how will
+twenty-eight misdemeanors make a treason?"
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Every one knows, or ought to know, the question of the
+arithmetical enthusiast: "If a red herring costs three-
+halfpence, what will a sack of coals come to?" Ans.&mdash;
+<i>Ashes</i>..
+</pre>
+<p>
+The trial was continued from day to day, and on the 10th of April Pym
+walked knowingly up to the bar with a variety of nods and winks, to
+intimate that he had a matter of vast importance to communicate. The
+assembly having ordered the door to be locked to prevent intrusion&mdash;as
+if the housemaid might have wandered in with her broom&mdash;there was a
+general cry of "Now then, what is it? Let's have it out without all this
+mystery." Pym hereupon produced a copy of notes taken at a meeting of the
+privy council, in which Strafford was reported to have told the king that
+he was "'absolved and loosed from all rule and government.'" The point was
+considered a strong one; but if Strafford had told Charles he was the
+Emperor of Morocco, and might turn all his subjects into morocco slippers
+by trampling them under his feet, the ministers having merely said so
+would not have made the fact, and he could not have been liable for it
+unless it had really happened. <i>Verba non acta</i> seemed, however, to
+be the motto of his judges, who took the word for the deed in numerous
+instances. Strafford having made the best answer he could to this part of
+the charge, was told by Arundel, that if he had anything more to say, the
+sooner he said it the better, for his judges were very anxious to have the
+pleasure of condemning him. The fact was, that the customary sympathy of
+Englishmen for a poor fellow in a mess, was beginning to show itself, and
+the Commons feared that the trial would not "keep" a great deal longer if
+they did not speedily make an end of it. The matter was accordingly
+hurried on, and on the 21st of April, the bill of attainder passed the
+Commons by a very large majority. The numbers were 204 against 59, which
+of course did not include the "tellers," for if it had done so, Hume,
+Hallam, and the rest of us, must have been comprised, for we are all of us
+the "tellers" of this sad story.
+</p>
+<p>
+When the bill went up to the peers, their lordships were not at all in a
+hurry to despatch it, and the Commons kept sending up messages to know
+"How about that little Bill?" and begging that the Upper House would
+immediately settle it. It was rumoured that Strafford intended to escape,
+but it was rather idle to speculate upon the intentions of a man who was
+utterly unable to accomplish them. He offered a bribe of �22,000 to
+Balfour, the Lieutenant of the Tower; but that virtuous individual scorned
+the filthy dross, though some brute, who has no appreciation of the great
+and good, has hinted that Balfour either expected more, or was afraid that
+what was offered would not be forthcoming.
+</p>
+<p>
+Charles, who was very anxious to make the favourite safe, though the odds
+were terribly against him, sent for the Lords and Commons, whom he begged,
+when drawing up their sentence, to draw it as mild as possible. He said he
+had listened to the evidence, and he really did not see how they could
+commit the earl. But Pym replied, <i>sotto voce</i>, that "none are so
+blind as those who won't see;" and Charles could elicit nothing
+satisfactory. At the next sitting of the Parliament a furious mob was
+collected outside, and the Lords naturally expressed their disinclination
+to being bullied into haste on the subject of the bill of attainder. Upon
+this, one Dr. Burgess, who had some weight with the people, went out to
+disperse them, and though he said some sharp things which caused that
+intolerable nuisance&mdash;a wag&mdash;to cry out, "Come, Burgess, none of
+your sauce!" he succeeded in his object.
+</p>
+<p>
+The state of nervous agitation in which the whole country was plunged at
+about this period may be conceived by a little anecdote which is told on
+the best authority&mdash;that is to say, the best that happens to be
+available. Sir Walter Earl was in the midst of a cock-and-bull story about
+some plot that had been hatching to make a sort of girandola of the
+Parliament, by blowing it up with a splendid display of fireworks, in the
+midst of which the Speaker was to have gone off like a Jack-in-the-box,
+when the members, who were shivering and shaking like a grove of aspens,
+were startled by the following incident:&mdash;Two very corpulent members
+happening to stand upon one plank, which was rather the worse for wear,
+caused the floor to crack, and the Commons thought it was all up, or
+rather all down, with them. The utmost confusion prevailed, and somebody
+at once started off to fetch the train-bands, who acted as the police of
+the period. It turned out to be a false alarm, or to speak more correctly,
+a real alarm resting on false premises, for the flaw in the floor had been
+the cause of this not altogether groundless terror.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 7th of May the Lords passed the bill of attainder against
+Strafford, as well as another bill, abrogating the power of the king to
+dissolve the Parliament. The House was thin, and it may have happened that
+the recent accident with the two fat members in the Commons operated as a
+warning to corpulent peers not to attend till their locus <i>standi</i>
+had been looked to by the carpenter.
+</p>
+<p>
+It now remained to be seen whether Charles would give his consent to the
+execution of the favourite, and poor Strafford feeling that his life hung
+upon a thread, sent a long yarn, in the shape of a letter, to his royal
+master. The king summoned his privy council to advise him what step to
+take, when honest Jack Juxon, the plain-sailing Bishop of London,
+exclaimed, bluntly, "I'll tell you what it is, your majesty; if you've any
+doubts about his guilt don't you go and sign his bill of attainder for all
+the Bills&mdash;no, nor the Bobs, nor the Dicks&mdash;in Christendom."
+Others, however, gave him opposite advice, and the scene ended by his
+resolving to give his assent, though he did so with his
+pocket-handkerchief before his eyes, but whether from emotion or a cold in
+his head is still an "open question" with all historians. On the 12th of
+May, 1641, poor Strafford met his doom with such heroic fortitude that,
+though he became shorter by a head in a physical sense, his moral stature
+was considerably heightened in the eyes of posterity.
+</p>
+<p>
+The death of Strafford was the signal for the abandonment of office by
+several of his friends, who thought it better to live with resignation
+than die with resignation at this very trying juncture. Bills were passed
+for abolishing the Star-Chamber, and the Court of High Commission, as well
+as for preventing the Parliament from being dissolved, except by its own
+consent; so that Charles became like a king in a game of skittles, whose
+downfall was only a question of time and circumstance.
+</p>
+<p>
+Being dreadfully in want of a little loyalty to comfort him, and finding
+very little in England&mdash;and that of the weakest kind&mdash;the
+sovereign paid a visit to Scotland, where he knew he could have as much as
+he wanted, if he chose to pay for it. His visit to that country was fast
+coming to a close when news reached him of a rebellion in Ireland, where
+the descendants of the early settlers, who were for settling everybody,
+and had taken the name of the "Loras of the Pale," were causing numbers to
+"kick the bucket."
+</p>
+<p>
+The republican spirit had now broken out in full force; and the more the
+king went on doing what he was asked, the more the Commons went on being
+dissatisfied. At length he determined to try a bit of firmness, and walked
+into the House of Commons one morning to demand the impeachment of five
+members, two of whom were Pym and Hampden. Charles entered the assembly
+quite alone, and walking up to the chair of the Speaker, who had risen on
+the king's arrival, his majesty glided into it. He stated that he had come
+to take the five members into custody; but there was something so
+derogatory in the idea of "every monarch his own policeman," that the
+Commons Were rather disgusted, and greeted him with shouts of "Privilege!
+Privilege!"
+</p>
+<p>
+Having made up his mind that "this sort of thing would not do," he
+determined to go out of town, and repaired to York, where he was soon
+joined by a party of volunteers more select than numerous. Charles was in
+that state of cashlessness so often ascribed by history to kings, who,
+nominally possessed of a crown, are positively not worth a shilling.
+</p>
+<p>
+He had sold his wife's jewels, and laid out the produce in arms and
+ammunition, which he gave out as far as they would go to his few friends;
+but the distribution was a mournful business. There were scarcely swords
+enough to go round, and the gunpowder was served out in little packets
+like so many doses of salts to the small band of royalists. They mustered
+the money for a manifesto, in which Essex, one of his apostate generals,
+was denounced in very large type; and the king having corrected the proof
+of the poster, ordered one hundred to be worked off and stuck up at the
+earliest opportunity. His majesty and suite&mdash;which Strype tells us
+was short and suite&mdash;repaired to Nottingham, where the cause of the
+sovereign got a sort of lift by the hoisting of the royal standard.
+</p>
+<p>
+When Charles found it necessary to draw the sword, he felt that he had
+nothing else to draw, for his funds were quite exhausted. Everything
+seemed to go against him, and even the elements themselves were
+unfavourable, for the standard which his friends had found it so difficult
+to hoist, was blown down, and came rattling through a skylight on to the
+heads of the royalists. The civil war had now regularly commenced, and the
+first battle was fought at Edge Hill, in Warwickshire, where Prince Rupert&mdash;the
+inventor of mezzotinto engraving&mdash;left the print of his sword, and
+several proofs of his valour, on the ranks of the king's enemies. After
+fighting all day the two armies put up for the night, and facing each
+other the next morning, they evidently did not like each other's looks,
+for both parties retired. Had the king's troops gone to London, they might
+have done some good; but they loitered about Reading, and by the time they
+got to Turn-ham Green, it was occupied by twenty-four thousand men, though
+where they managed to turn 'em in at Turnham Green is somewhat
+mysterious.*
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* It seems more probable that the twenty-four thousand
+Parliamentary troops were stationed in London than that so
+many were crammed into the little suburb specified.
+</pre>
+<p>
+On the 15th of April, the Parliamentarians invested Reading, but the king
+having nothing to invest, could not compete for this eligible investment.
+Essex, who had managed the transaction, did not continue long a holder,
+but fell back to Thame, where a skirmish took place that would have been
+literally a tame affair if the illustrious Hampden had not perished in the
+<i>m�l�e</i>.
+</p>
+<p>
+Essex was one of the worst men possible to be chosen as a leader, for he
+had an unconquerable propensity to gib&mdash;which was the only
+invincibility he possessed&mdash;and he was consequently falling back
+whenever he should have been going forward. He had gibbed from Reading to
+Thame, and he now gibbed again from Thame to London, where it became a
+saying among the common people, "Oh, that's Essex: I know him by the cut
+of his jib."
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0184" id="linkimage-0184"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figright" style="width:30%;">
+<img src="images/536m.jpg" alt="536m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/536.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+The civil war continued to rage with varying success until the battle of
+Marston Moor, where the royalists, under Prince Rupert, sustained a defeat
+they never recovered from, and the only use they could make of their right
+and left wing was to fly for safety. After this reverse, Charles attempted
+to get up a treaty called the Treaty of Uxbridge, which, after twenty days
+of wrangling between the Commissioners of the Parliament and those sent by
+the king&mdash;the former wanting everything and the latter conceding
+nothing&mdash;fell completely to the ground. Cromwell had contrived that
+Sir Thomas, now Lord Fairfax, should be appointed General of the
+Parliamentary Army, so that the responsibility of failure should rest upon
+that individual; while the wily brewer, who knew how to take his measures,
+would have artfully secured the merit of any success for himself. The
+battle of Naseby was the last decisive blow, which, in the graphic words
+of one of our early writers, "put the nasal organ of royalty completely
+out of joint." Charles behaved very gallantly, and so did Rupert; but when
+the former cried out to his cavalry, "One charge more and we win the day!"
+he might just as well have exclaimed, "Twopence more, and up goes the
+donkey!" for his words produced no effect. "Thank you, we've had enough of
+it," seemed to be imprinted on every countenance; and after a few more
+reverses, Charles formed the rash deliberation of throwing himself upon
+the generosity of the Scotch.
+</p>
+<p>
+He might just as well have thrown himself on the pavement beneath the
+Monument, as the sequel proved; for the Scotch at once set to work to see
+what profit was to be made by the sale of the royal fugitive. After a good
+deal of haggling, they sold the sovereign, who had thrown himself upon
+their generosity, for �400,000; and they no doubt silenced their
+consciences&mdash;if they ever had any&mdash;by saying, "It's just a
+matter of beesness, ye ken," to any one who remonstrated with them upon
+their mercenary baseness.
+</p>
+<p>
+The royal prisoner was shut up for some weeks at Holmby Castle, in
+Northamptonshire, but after a few weeks, Cromwell sent one Joyce, formerly
+his tailor, and afterwards a cornet in Fairfax's troop of horse, to "smug"
+the unhappy king and carry him to the army.
+</p>
+<p>
+The House of Commons became exceedingly jealous of the military influence
+that prevailed, but the people rather sided with the soldiers; for the
+Parliament had, of course, in its great love of liberty, taken the liberty
+to lay on taxes to an extent unprecedented in the annals of royal
+rapacity. It is a fact worth remembering, that the people frequently find
+their friends more costly than their enemies.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the autumn of 1647, the king was sent to Hampton Court, where he was
+allowed some indulgences, such as going out to spend the day at Sion
+House, where two of his children were remaining as parlour boarders with
+the Duke of Northumberland. Some Puritans having given indications of
+their imagining that they had a spiritual call to do some mischief to the
+king, his majesty resolved not to be at home to such a call if he could
+possibly help it, and leaving Hampton Court with three attendants he
+reached the coast of Hampshire. It was noticed at the time that Charles
+had probably heard of the celebrated Hampshire hogs, and fancied therefore
+that Hampshire must be the best place for him to go to in the hope of
+saving his bacon. He resigned himself to Colonel Hammond, the Governor of
+the Isle of Wight, who placed the royal fugitive in Carisbrook Castle;
+where a bowling-green was arranged and a summerhouse built, so that
+Charles could fancy himself, if he liked, in a suburban tea-garden. The
+king was a capital bowler, and when sorrow came across his mind he would
+try and "drown it in the bowls" which Colonel Hammond was so good as to
+provide him with.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the September of 1648, another conference was attempted, and Charles
+took a furnished lodging at a private house in Newport, where the
+commissioners came to consult with him. They found him much altered, and
+with his hair so grey as to bespeak the fact that care had been busy in
+peppering his head, which he declared had got into that state during his
+anxious sojourn at Oxford; and this peculiar combination of tints retains
+to this day the title of the Oxford Mixture.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Parliament would have been glad to diminish the influence of the army
+by a successful negotiation with the king; but while terms were being
+discussed, Cromwell, who never brewed half-and-half, struck a blow at both
+parties. He sent one of his draymen named Pride, who had risen from a seat
+on the shafts of his dray to a colonelcy in the army, to blockade the
+Parliament-house with a body of troops, and let in only those members who
+were favourable to the views of his late employer. We, who cannot imagine
+Barclay or Perkins going the entire in the style of their predecessor in
+trade, nor conceive Meux and Co. meddling with the Crown, except to supply
+it with beer, are of course astonished at the insolence of Cromwell. He
+nevertheless gained his point, for he set the Parliament at defiance, and
+had the king removed to Hurst Castle, in Hampshire, which was so dull that
+Charles could not help remarking that coming to Hurst was like going to be
+buried. He was again removed to Windsor, and subsequently to St. James's
+Palace, where the guards were ordered to call him Charles Stuart, in order
+to show the magnanimity of the revenge of such a man as Cromwell. The king
+was exposed to every petty insult that littlemindedness could suggest or
+coarse brutality execute. In this respect the "liberals" of England in
+1649 set an example which the "liberals" of France followed in the
+treatment of their own fallen and powerless sovereign upwards of a century
+afterwards. The only comfort he enjoyed was the society of poor old Jack
+Juxon, the bishop who had been faithful to him in all his adversity.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was now determined to bring the king to trial, and on the 20th of
+January the proceedings commenced in Westminster Hall, when upon its being
+declared that Charles was accused in the name of the people, a shrill
+voice exclaimed "Pooh, pooh! not a tenth part of them." The ushers looked
+in vain to see who was disturbing the audience, and the soldiers were
+ordered to fire into the corner whence the voice proceeded, until it
+turned out that Lady Fairfax was the individual by whom the proceedings
+had been interrupted. She was a warm politician, and with her husband had
+espoused the parliamentary cause, but was disgusted like him with the
+brutal use that the "liberals" were making of their triumph. Charles
+demurred to the jurisdiction of his judges for three days, but, on the
+27th, they found him guilty, and sentenced him to be beheaded three days
+afterwards. The "people," imitating the conduct of some of their
+"friends," insulted the fallen monarch in his misfortune, and many a
+malicious, low-bred ass, tried to get a kick at the chained lion. Happily
+the people in our own days are very superior to the people of the time ol
+Charles, and there is no sympathy among the masses with ungenerous
+persecution, whatever may be the rank of the victim.
+</p>
+<p>
+As Charles quitted the hall after his conviction, a wretched miscreant
+displayed a toad-like venom by spitting in the king's face, which drew
+from the sovereign the true remark, "Poor souls! they would treat their
+generals in the same manner for sixpence." While chronicling an act
+disgraceful to human nature, we must not forget to put down what is on the
+credit side&mdash;namely, a blessing instead of an insult from one of the
+guard, who was struck to the ground for giving way to this creditable
+impulse.
+</p>
+<p>
+We draw a veil over the closing scene, for our history is not a register
+of murders; but whoever reads attentively the details of the sacrifice of
+Charles the First will see the original of one of the darkest scenes in
+the French Revolution.
+</p>
+<p>
+The death-warrant for the execution of Charles the First was signed by
+fifty-nine of his judges, the list beginning with the name of James
+Bradshaw, and ending with that of Miles Corbet. Few of them rose to much
+distinction, and still fewer have left descendants capable of acquiring
+fame, for there is scarcely a renowned patronymic in the entire catalogue.
+A man in a visor performed the murderous ceremony of striking off the
+king's head; and we cannot be surprised that the executioner was ashamed
+to show his face on such an occasion.
+</p>
+<p>
+Though the nation had stood by, in the most apathetic manner, while the
+mischief was doing, it was no sooner done than everybody became very
+indignant and very sorrowful. Women went into fits, men took to drinking,
+and some went so far as to commit suicide rather than survive their
+murdered sovereign. This sympathy was all peculiarly English, and, in
+fact, a little too much so; for it is the fault of our countrymen to make
+a great deal too much of the dead and too little of the living.
+</p>
+<p>
+Frequently the fate of one who, after his decease, has his merits
+recognised by subscription and a monument. Genius not unfrequently asks in
+vain for bread when living, but when dead gets a stone awarded him.
+</p>
+<p>
+Charles was in the forty-ninth year of his age, and the twenty-fourth of
+his reign, when he was brought to the scaffold. We regret that we cannot
+give a favourable character of this unfortunate person out of place&mdash;for
+he certainly was completely out of place on the throne of England. His
+disposition was mixed, like human nature in general; and indeed, what is
+mankind, as the philosopher would ask, but the "mixture as before"
+incessantly repeated? He was dignified, it is true, but so is the
+representative of the "fifth noble" Neglect, or even starvation, is freor
+"tenth senator," in an opera or play, and he was temperate also to an
+extent that might have fitted him for the chair of a teetotal lodge, but
+not for the throne of a vast empire. He was not avaricious, but if he
+spent money freely it was because he freely helped himself to the money of
+other people. He was humane to such an extent, that "he would not have
+hurt a fly;" but it may be said that a fly never did him any harm, and
+hostility therefore, to that imbecile insect, would have been at once
+brutal and undignified. The man who would hurt a fly must indeed be very
+hard up for a victim to his malevolence, and Charles cannot, therefore,
+have much credit given him for his amiability towards that humble member
+of the class of <i>diptera</i>. The manners of Charles were not much in
+his favour; "but it would not have mattered much," says the incorrigible
+Strype, "that he was a bit of a bear, had he been otherwise bearable."
+</p>
+<p>
+In a commercial country, like ours, his swindling propensities will always
+tell against him, and his insatiable desire to obtain money, under false
+pretences, was quite unworthy of his exalted station, or, indeed, of any
+station but that where the police are paramount. It is true that his
+subjects would have kept him rather hard up for cash; and he often
+declared that the Long Parliament reduced him repeatedly to very short
+commons. Hume has endeavoured to give Charles the reputation of being a
+man of "probity and honour;" but it must have been the sort of honour said
+to prevail among thieves, for when he could not get money by honest means&mdash;which
+he seldom could&mdash;he never scrupled to rob for it.
+</p>
+<p>
+In person, Charles had a sweet but melancholy expression, a sort of <i>agro
+dolce</i>, which made his portrait not quite a <i>Carlo Dolce</i> to look
+upon. His features were regular, but he was not vain; and he would often
+say or think "that he should not care about a regular nose or chin, so
+that he could make both ends meet by having a regular salary." He was an
+excellent horseman; but it is one thing to be skilful in the management of
+the bridle, and another to be adroit in holding the reins of power. His
+equestrian accomplishments would have been useful to him had fate thrown
+him into another circle, where his favourite, Buckingham as clown to the
+ring, would also have been in his proper position.
+</p>
+<p>
+The men of letters of Charles' reign were numerous and illustrious. Ford,
+the dramatist, whose depth it is difficult to fathom; Ben Jonson, surnamed
+the Rare, and as it has been prettily said by somebody, "the rarer the
+better;" with Philip Massinger, belonged to the period. Speed, the
+topographer, commonly called the "slow coach;" Burton, the famous
+anatomist of melancholy, and familiarly known as the sad dog; Spelman,
+whose writings possess no particular spell; Cotton, who has furnished a
+lot of printed stuffs; and a few others, constituted the literary
+illuminators of the age, by their moral and intellectual moulds, dips, or
+rushlights.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0045" id="link2HCH0045"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE SIXTH. THE COMMONWEALTH.
+</h2>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>HE king being now dead, the republican beggars were on horseback, and
+began at a rapid pace the ride whose terminus we need not mention. On the
+5th of February, 1649, a week after the execution of Charles, the Commons
+had the impudence to vote the House of Peers "both useless and dangerous."
+One of the next steps of the lower House was to vent a sort of brutal
+malignity upon unfeeling objects, and having no longer a king to butcher,
+it was resolved to break up all his statues. The Commons thought, no
+doubt, to pave the way to a republic by macadamising the road with the
+emblems of royalty.
+</p>
+<p>
+Considerable discussion has been raised upon the question of the right of
+a nation to decapitate its king; and, of course, if the people may do as
+they please with their own, they may do anything. The judgment of
+posterity has very properly pronounced a verdict of "Wilful Murder"
+against the regicides, and we have no wish to disturb this very fair
+decision. It is very unlikely that a similar state of things will ever
+arise again in England; but, if such were to be unhappily the case, there
+are, in these enlightened times, numerous pacific and humane modes of
+meeting the emergency. "Between dethroning a prince and punishing him,
+there is," as Hume well observes, "a wide difference;" and unless the
+professed humanity-mongers should get fearfully ahead&mdash;unless the
+universal philanthropists should gain an ascendency over public opinion&mdash;there
+is no fear that kings or aristocrats will ever be butchered again, for the
+promotion of "universal love" and "brotherhood."
+</p>
+<p>
+When Charles was no more, the republicans continued to show their paltry
+malevolence by making insulting propositions as to the disposal of his
+family. It was suggested that the Princess Elizabeth should be bound
+apprentice to a button-maker; but the honest artificer to whom the
+proposal was made generously hoped that his buttons might be dashed before
+he became a party to so petty an arrangement. Happily for the princess,
+death, by making a loophole for her escape, saved her from being reduced
+to the necessity of making buttons.
+</p>
+<p>
+A Committee of Government had been hitherto sitting at Derby House, which
+was now changed into the Executive Council, with Bradshaw as president,
+and Milton, the poet, as his secretary: the latter having being employed
+no doubt on account of his powerful imagination to conceive some possible
+justification for the conduct of the regicides. Duke Hamilton, the Earl of
+Holland and Capel, the last of whom had bounded away like a stag, but was
+seized at the corner of Capel Court, were all tried and beheaded.
+</p>
+<p>
+The usual consequences of the triumph of the "great cause of liberty," as
+advocated by noisy demagogues, and of the ascendency of the <i>soi-disant</i>
+friends of the people, very soon became evident. It was declared treason
+to deny the supremacy of Parliament, which might indeed lay claim to
+supremacy in oppression, pride, and intolerance. The "freedom of the
+press" was completely stopped; and, in fact, there was the customary
+direct antagonism between principle and practice which too frequently
+marks the conduct of the hater of all tyranny except his own, and the
+ardent friend of his kind, which is a kind that we do not greatly admire.
+</p>
+<p>
+The king's eldest son was proclaimed as Charles the Second, in Scotland
+and Ireland, which caused Cromwell to say, "I must go and see about that,"
+and to start at once for Dublin. Having done considerable damage,
+notwithstanding the resistance of some of the Irish youth, who went by the
+name of the Dublin Stout, he left his son-in-law, Ireton, to look after
+Ireland, thinking, perhaps, he would be acceptable from the
+semi-nationality of his name, while he himself returned to England. He
+took up his abode in London, at a place called the Cockpit, where he was
+visited by several persons of consequence; and the new lord of the Cockpit
+enjoyed the Gallic privilege of having a good crow upon his own dunghill.
+</p>
+<p>
+Montrose now made an attempt in Scotland in favour of Charles the Second,
+but being defeated, he fled and sought refuge with a Scotch friend, who,
+of course, sold him for what he would fetch, and made �2000 by the
+business transaction. Poor Montrose was hanged at Edinburgh, on a gallows
+thirty feet high, which justifies us in saying that cruelty was carried to
+an immense height, on this deplorable occasion. Charles himself now took
+the field, having landed at the Frith of Cromarty, and had collected a
+tolerably large army under Lesley. Cromwell instantly started for
+Scotland, with a considerable force, and attacked the royalists at Dunbar,
+where he encouraged his own troops by a quantity of religious cant, which
+contrasted strangely with the sanguinary nature of his object. After
+cutting to pieces all that fell in their way, the Puritan humbugs set to
+at psalm-singing with tremendous vehemence. This mixture of butchery and
+bigotry was one of the most disgusting characteristics of Cromwell and his
+ferocious followers. Charles, having fled towards the Highlands, intended
+leaving Scotland: but some people there asked him to stop and take a bit
+of dinner, with the promise of a coronation in the evening.
+</p>
+<p>
+The <i>r�union</i> took place, but it was rather dull, and Charles
+determined to make his way towards England. Cromwell resolved to pursue
+him, and this active friend of religion and humanity, having met a few
+royalists on the road, deliberately "cut them to pieces." On the 3rd of
+September, 1651, the Battle of Worcester was fought, with success to the
+republican force; and poor Charles was obliged to escape as well as he
+could by assuming a variety of disguises, though how he got the extensive
+wardrobe his dramatic assumptions entailed a necessity for, is not quite
+obvious. He arrived at Shoreham, near Brighton, in a footman's livery, and
+"the lad with the white cockade," as the old song called him, obtained a
+situation in a coal barge, in which he was carried to France. The captain
+of the collier must have been an odd sort of person, to take a footman
+with him on the voyage, but perhaps the coal-heavers of that day were more
+refined than they are at present.
+</p>
+<p>
+Cromwell was triumphantly received in London, and the cloven foot soon
+began to peep out from the high-low of the crafty republican. He accepted
+Hampton Court Palace as his residence, and an estate of �4000 a year was
+voted to him, without the purity of his intentions offering any obstacle
+to his receiving it.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Parliament was now getting into disrepute, and Cromwell thought he
+would take advantage of its loss of popularity, to increase his own stock,
+whereupon the game of "diamond cut diamond" was commenced between them.
+The Parliament had now been sitting for some years, and people began to
+think there might be too much of a good thing, even in an assembly of
+red-hot patriots, that had hanged a king, and sent the country into a fit
+of melancholy, by prohibiting, by law, everything in the shape of
+cheerfulness.
+</p>
+<p>
+In those days, a joke would lead the perpetrator to the gibbet, and a pun
+was so highly penal&mdash;as, perhaps, it ought to be&mdash;that a dull
+dog who had dropped one by mistake, was called upon to find heavy
+securities for his good behaviour. The nation was thrown into the dismals
+by Act of Parliament, and England became&mdash;to use a simile that would,
+at the time, have sent our heads smack to the block&mdash;the very centre
+of gravity. Cromwell, seeing that the Parliament was going down in favour
+every day, resolved to raise himself by giving the finishing blow to it.
+He sounded Whitelock, to whom he put the question, "What if a man should
+take upon himself to be king?" and thus Whitelock got a key to Cromwell's
+intentions. The old man&mdash;Silverplate, as some call him,&mdash;did not
+take to the notion, and Cromwell was exceedingly cool to him ever
+afterwards. There was a meeting at Oliver's lodgings, on the 20th of
+April, to discuss the best method of getting rid of the Parliament; and
+Cromwell, hearing the Commons were in the act of passing a very obnoxious
+bill, got up from his chair, in a very excited state, and told some
+soldiers to follow him. He swelled his little band with the sentinels on
+duty, whom he called out of their sentry boxes, as he passed, and entered
+the House, attended by Lambert, a file of musketeers, and a few officers.
+He took his seat, and listened to the debate, but when the Speaker was
+going to put the motion, he started up, saying to Harrison&mdash;"Now's
+the time; I must&mdash;indeed I must!" when Harrison pulled him back by
+the skirts of his coat, saying to him, "Can't you be quiet? Just think
+what you're doing." He then proceeded to address the assembly, but soon
+got dreadfully unparliamentary in his language, and rushing from his seat
+to the floor of the House, got very personal. He next stamped on the
+floor, when his musketeers entered, and, pointing to the Speaker, who was,
+of course, raised above the rest, he cried, "Fetch him down!" when the
+Speaker was seized by the robe and pulled into the midst of the assembly.
+Pointing to Algernon Sydney, Cromwell next cried, "Put him out!" and out
+he went like a farthing rushlight.
+</p>
+<p>
+Algernon was very young, and exhibited at first a degree of boyish
+obstinacy, mixed with infantine insolence, which caused him to be
+refractory, or&mdash;to use a simile in conformity with the image of the
+rushlight&mdash;to flare up in the socket. He, for a moment, refused to
+go; which caused Harrison to tap him gently on the shoulder, and say to
+him, in a mild, but resolute tone, "Come, come, young gentleman; if you
+don't go out quietly, we must put you out." The child seemed doubtful
+whether to turn refractory or not, when it suddenly appeared to occur to
+him that it would be useless to resist; and, just as Harrison had his
+hands on the lad's shoulders, to impart to him sufficient momentum to have
+sent him flying through the door, young Algernon made up his mind that he
+would go quietly. Cromwell stood, in fact, like a dog in the midst of so
+many rats; a position he had perhaps learned to assume, from his residence
+at the Cockpit; and he next flew at the mace, exclaiming, "Take away that
+bauble!" The mace was most unceremoniously hurried off, when, after a
+little more abuse against several of his old friends, the House was
+completely cleared, and there was an end to the Long Parliament.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0185" id="linkimage-0185"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/544m.jpg" alt="544m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/544.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Nothing could exceed the well-bred dogism or utter curishness of the
+Commons on this occasion, for not one of them offered the smallest
+resistance to the violence of Cromwell. When they had all sneaked out, he
+locked and double locked the door, put the keys in his pocket, and carried
+them to his lodgings. He admitted that he had not intended to have gone so
+far when he first entered the House, but the mean-spiritedness of the
+members had urged him on to the course he had adopted.
+</p>
+<p>
+Thinking that he might as well make a day of it, he proposed to Harrison
+and Lambert to walk with him to Derby House, and the three stalked into
+the room where the Council of State was sitting. Cromwell at first
+pretended to listen with attention to what was going on, and gave an
+occasional loud ejaculation of "Hear!" but Bradshaw, who was presiding,
+soon felt that the cheer was ironical. Business was permitted to proceed
+in this way for a few minutes, when the Council felt it was being
+"quizzed," and Bradshaw, giving an incredulous look at Cromwell, the
+latter made no longer a secret of his intention. "Come, come," he cried,
+"there's been enough of this; go home, and get to bed, and don't come here
+again until you've a message from me that you're wanted." The hint was
+immediately taken by Bradshaw, who started up and ran for it&mdash;for he
+was afraid of rough treatment&mdash;and he presently had close at his
+heels the whole of his colleagues. Thus, within the space of a few hours,
+Cromwell had broken up the Council of State, and dissolved the Long
+Parliament.
+</p>
+<p>
+Cromwell, having made short work of the Long Parliament, proceeded to
+supply its place by a legislature of his own composition, and the enemy of
+absolute monarchy proved himself an absolute humbug by acts of the most
+arbitrary and designing character. His pretended patriotism had in fact
+been a struggle on his part to decide whether the business of despotism
+should remain in the hands that were "native and to the manner born" to
+it, or whether he should start on his own account as a monopolist of
+tyranny to be practised for his own aggrandisement. The new Parliament was
+a miscellaneous collection of impostors and scamps, with a slight mixture
+of honest men, but these were too few to make the thing respectable.
+Cromwell now began to put on the external semblance of religion, with an
+extravagance of display that gives us every reason to doubt his sincerity.
+As the man of straw frequently covers himself with jewellery, a good deal
+of which may be sham; so Cromwell enveloped himself in all the externals
+of sanctity, which we firmly believe penetrated no further than the
+surface.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0186" id="linkimage-0186"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/547m.jpg" alt="547m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/547.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+One of the principal members of the new Parliament was a fellow named
+Barbone or Barebone, a leather-seller and currier, who attempted to curry
+favour by an affectation of extreme holiness. The legislative assembly
+subsequently got the name of the Barebones Parliament from the person we
+have named, and the whole pack of humbugs usurped the powers of the State
+by pretending they "had a call" to take upon them the duties of
+government.
+</p>
+<p>
+It may generally be observed that they who make piety a profession look
+very sharply out for professional profits, and if they are desirous of
+taking what is not justly their own, they soon get up an imaginary "call"
+to urge them to the robbery. Cromwell formally handed over to them the
+supreme authority&mdash;which, by-the-by, was not his to give&mdash;and
+the first day of their meeting was devoted to praying and preaching, with
+a view to giving the public an idea of their excessive sanctity. They soon
+set to work in their career of mischief, and began by abolishing the Court
+of Chancery, on account of its delays, which was like killing a horse
+because it did not happen to go at full gallop. They certainly expedited
+the suits, and brought them to a conclusion about as effectually as one
+would accelerate a steam-engine by shutting up the safety valve, and
+allowing it to go to smash with the utmost possible rapidity. They
+nominated as judges a new set of lawyers, whose qualification was that
+they were not in the law; and there is no doubt the Parliament would have
+dissolved every institution in the kingdom if the members had not
+dissolved themselves on the 12th of December, 1654, at the suggestion of
+Cromwell.
+</p>
+<p>
+The old constitutional principle, that "too many cooks spoil the broth,"
+having been rapidly exemplified, it was declared expedient to have "a
+commonwealth in a single person," or, in other words, to have a king with
+a democratic name, which is the invariable result of the policy of red-hot
+republicans. Cromwell was, of course, the unit who had put himself down as
+A1 for the new office, and he succeeded in choosing himself or getting
+himself chosen by the title of <i>Lord Protector of England, Scotland and
+Ireland</i>. Thus, though the people had cut off the head of a real king,
+another head grew in in its place, for Government is like the hydra, which
+must have a head, however often the process of decapitation may be carried
+into execution. The brewer had, in fact, mashed up the constitution as
+completely as if he had used one of his own mash-tubs for the purpose, and
+his upstart insolence reached such a point, that the now well-known
+expression, "He doesn't think small beer of himself," was first applied in
+reference to this dealer in ale and stout, who, it was clumsily observed,
+had "gone the entire" in his great audacity.
+</p>
+<p>
+While these things were going on at home, the English fleet had been
+engaged with Von Tromp, or Trump, abroad, and the Dutch sailor behaved
+like the article which his name delicately indicates. The Dutch for some
+time, though they only had this Von Trump, carried off all the honours,
+and sometimes succeeded even by tricks; but at length the distinguished
+Trump was obliged to "shuffle off the mortal coil," and though he would
+gladly have revoked his determination to "cut in" to such a desperate game
+as an engagement with the English, he played it out to the last with all
+his wonted courage. The only remaining Trump, looking whistfully round
+him, fell by a blow from a knave who was in the suit and service of the
+English. When the last breath was blown out of the highly respectable
+Trump, the war between the Dutch and the English was at an end, and the
+Protector had time to follow out his principles by protecting himself with
+the utmost vigilance. One of his chief difficulties arose from the
+eagerness of the various liberal sects in religion to oppress each other
+in the name of brotherly love and universal harmony. This difficulty in
+quieting the demands of each to exterminate the others taught him lessons
+of diplomacy, and Cromwell soon became the most accomplished "do" that
+ever had a place in the pages of history. Though he recommended great
+tolerance in their quarrels with each other, they no sooner began to abuse
+him than he threw some of them into prison, reminding us of the celebrated
+apostle of temperance who, in a fit of intoxication, broke the windows of
+a public-house for the purpose of assisting the triumph of the "grand
+principle."
+</p>
+<p>
+Cromwell, who was a clever man, and, though a brewer, was averse to doing
+things by half-and-half, made some legal appointments that gave general
+satisfaction. He promoted Hale&mdash;with whom he was hale fellow well met&mdash;to
+the Bench of the Common Pleas, and he was fortunate enough to obtain a
+recognition of his protectorate from the Governments of France, Spain and
+Portugal.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 3rd of September, 1654, which was Sunday, Cromwell, as Protector,
+first met his new Parliament, and played the part of a king in all its
+most essential points, even down to the delivery of a speech from the
+throne, remarkable for the badness of its grammar, the antiquity of its
+language, and the utter emptiness of most of its sentences. He abused the
+levellers, for, with the skill of political engineering, he desired to
+level down no lower than the "dumpy level" at which he had arrived; and
+while eulogising liberty of conscience, he admitted it to be a capital
+thing so long as it did not extend to the formation of opinions
+unfavourable to the Protector's own position. He spoke glowingly of the
+beauty of free thoughts, but hinted that, lest these thoughts should be
+more free than welcome, the people had better keep their thoughts to
+themselves as much as possible.
+</p>
+<p>
+At the close of Cromwell's speech, the Commons sneaked back to their
+House, where they elected Lenthall their Speaker, and appointed the 13th
+of September a day of humiliation, as if there had not been humiliation
+enough for the country in the conduct it had been recently pursuing. The
+Protector soon began to put his despotic principles in force, for his
+position having been debated rather freely, he sent for the members of
+Parliament to the Painted Chamber, and told them very plainly that he had
+made up his mind to stand no impertinence. "You wanted a republic," said
+he, "and you have got it; so you had better be satisfied." In vain did
+they venture to urge that liberty, equality, and all the rest of it had
+been the purpose they had in view, for he replied that "they were all
+equally bound to show subservience to him, and that as to liberty, they
+were at perfect liberty to do, say, or think anything that would not be
+offensive to him, their master." He followed up this announcement by
+placing a guard at the door of the Parliament, whose duty it was to
+exclaim to each member "You can't go in, sir, until you have signed this
+paper," and on its being produced, it turned out to be an agreement not to
+question in any manner Cromwell's authority. Though this was a piece of
+tyranny and impertinence more disgusting than anything that had been
+attempted by Charles, one hundred and thirty of the members yielded to it
+at once; for it is a curious fact that, though the people will often show
+the susceptibility of the blood-horse at the slightest check of the rein
+when it is held by a royal hand, they will manifest the stolid patience of
+the ass under the most violent treatment from one of themselves, who has
+risen to the position of their master.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 14th of September Cromwell's door-keepers played their part so
+well, and barred the entrance so effectually against all but those who
+would sign the paper, that a great many more agreed to do so, and when the
+number of consenting parties was sufficiently respectable to make up a
+fair average House, Cromwell's creatures proceeded to vote that
+subscribing the recognition of the Protector should be a necessary
+preliminary to taking a seat in Parliament.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Protector having done everything he could for himself, proceeded to
+show his protecting influence&mdash;of course&mdash;over several of his
+relatives. Fleetwood, who had married his daughter&mdash;the widow of
+Ireton&mdash;was sent as governor to Ireland, and the Protector's own son
+afterwards succeeded to this high and lucrative office. Not only did he
+provide snugly for his living kindred, but he gave them most inappropriate
+honours when dead, and his mother happening to go off about this time, he
+actually insisted on the "old woman's" being entombed in the Abbey of
+Westminster. What the dowager Mrs. Cromwell had done to deserve this
+distinction, we have yet to learn, and as we have learnt everything
+connected with the subject on which we write, our instruction on this
+point will, we fear, be postponed to a very distant period.
+</p>
+<p>
+Among the incidents of the Protector's domestic life, there is one which
+we will insert on account of its amusing and perhaps instructive
+character. Cromwell's vanity had so increased with his success, that he
+one day said to himself, "I can drive a whole people; I can drive a
+bargain as well as any man; and, odds, bobs, and buttercups! why should I
+not be able to drive my own carriage?" The cattle having been put to, he
+mounted the box with a jaunty air to enjoy a jaunt, and was tooling the
+cattle down Tooley Street, when, in consequence of the friskiness of one
+of the nags, Cromwell began nagging at his mouth with much violence. The
+horses not being so easily guided and controlled as the Parliament, soon
+turned restive, and ran away; which threw the Protector from his seat, and
+his own poll came into collision with the pole of his carriage. To add to
+the unpleasantness of the situation, a loaded pistol, which Cromwell
+always carried about him, went off, in sympathy, no doubt, with the
+steeds; or, perhaps, the charge could no longer contain itself, and
+exploded with a burst of indignation at the pride of its owner, who,
+however, was not wounded by the accident.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Protector continued to feather his nest with unabated zeal, and he got
+the Parliament to vote him half a dozen different abodes, including three
+or four in London itself; so that, unless he took breakfast at one, at a
+second, and took "his tea" at a third, he could not have occupied the
+metropolitan residences set apart for him. Multiplicity of lodgings
+appears to have been a <i>faiblesse</i> of the Protector: for,
+notwithstanding these six places of sojourn, there is scarcely a suburb
+that has not a house or apartments to let that, according to a landlord's
+myth, once served for the palace or residence of Cromwell. If we may trust
+to tradition, he once lived at a surgeon's in the Broadway, Hammersmith;
+once in a lane at Brompton; once in Little Upper James Street, North; and
+once in or near Piebald Row on the confines of Pimlico. Having got an
+allotment of plenty of houses, to an extent reminding us of the
+extravagant order of "some more gigs" which an anonymous spendthrift once
+commanded of his coachmaker, Cromwell began to think about getting a grant
+to pay the expenses of his numerous establishments.
+</p>
+<p>
+An allowance of �200,000 a year was settled on himself and his successors,
+which, we find from a document of the period, * was exactly one entire
+sixth of the whole aggregate revenue of the three kingdoms put together.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Statement of a sub-committee of the Commons.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Thus, though poor Charles had experienced the utmost difficulty in getting
+money granted for the payment of his debts, or even for the costs of his
+living like a king and a gentleman, the usurper Cromwell obtained at once
+the concession of a most liberal salary.
+</p>
+<p>
+Notwithstanding the subservience the Parliament had in the first instance
+shown, symptoms of refractoriness in that quarter soon became visible. The
+Protector had made up his mind to go on changing it, as he would have done
+a set of domestic servants, until he could thoroughly suit himself; and
+accordingly, on the 22nd of January, 1656, he rang the bell, desired the
+legislature to appear before him, and announced that he had no further use
+for it. The members were desired to find themselves situations elsewhere;
+and though some of them had courage enough to hint that they "would be
+sure to better themselves, for they were tired of the quantity of dirty
+work they had had to do," the Parliament evinced, on the whole, a spirit,
+or rather a want of spirit, that was quite contemptible. Some of the
+malcontents ventured on a little revolutionary rising; but the levellers
+were speedily reduced to their old level. Major Wildman, a man rendered
+wild at the success of Cromwell's ambition, and hating the protectorate,
+had been heard to declare that he would "take the linch-pin out of the
+common-weal," and notwithstanding the flaw in the orthography, he was
+imprisoned on this evidence of hostility to the ruling power. At the
+moment when Wildman was arrested, he was sitting alone in his own
+back-parlour, evincing the same sort of enthusiasm that has immortalised
+the three tailors of Tooley Street, and drawing up "a declaration of the
+free and well-affected people of England now in arms against the tyrant
+Oliver Cromwell, Esquire." The major thought he had accomplished something
+very stinging, in adding "Esquire" to Cromwell's name; and he was in the
+act of roaring out, "Hear, hear! Bravo, bravo!" after he had written out
+the title of his tremendous manifesto, when a sudden bursting open of the
+door, and a cry of "You must come along with us," threw the major into a
+state of surprise from which he had not recovered when he found himself
+put for safe keeping in the keep of Chepstowe Castle.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0187" id="linkimage-0187"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/552m.jpg" alt="552m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/552.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+A few other insurrectionary movements were made, but all of them were of a
+very trifling character. Penruddock, Grove, and Lucas got up a little
+royalist trio, but their movement was soon turned into a dis-concerted
+piece, by a regiment of Cromwell's horse, who rode rough-shod over the
+three conspirators, and they were executed instead of their project.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Protector was no less imperious towards foreign nations than towards
+his own, and having made some demands upon Spain, to which that country
+refused to accede, he sent Admiral Penn, familiarly termed his Nibs, to
+write his name upon some of the Spanish possessions. Assisted by General
+Venables, Penn, who may be distinguished as a steel-pen, for he carried a
+pointed sword, and never showed a white feather, took the island of
+Jamaica after a contest, in which he found among the inhabitants of
+Jamaica some rum customers. Blake worried the Spaniards in another
+quarter, and the Protector spread so much consternation among some of the
+European governments, that the celebrated Cardinal Mazarin, who greatly
+feared him, began to look so very blue, that a Mazarine blue retains to
+this very day a character for intensity.
+</p>
+<p>
+Emboldened by his good fortune, Cromwell thought he might venture on
+another Parliament, which met on the 17th of September, 1656, the members
+having undergone at the door an examination as to their servility to the
+Protector's purposes. The first sitting was like the first night of any
+novelty at the pit of Her Majesty's Theatre, and two of Cromwell's
+creatures officiated as check-takers. Every member who presented himself
+at the doors was obliged to produce his credentials, and upon this being
+satisfactorily done, a cry of "Pass one," was raised to the officer in
+charge of the inner barrier. Nearly one hundred new members were sent
+back, after more or less altercation; and the words "I can't help it, sir;
+those are my orders; you must go back, sir," were being continually heard
+above the din of "Pass one," or "It's all right," which confirmed the
+privilege of admission claimed by many of the applicants.
+</p>
+<p>
+A legislature with only one House soon began to be considered as a sort of
+sow with one ear, and even the ear that remained was closed by Cromwell's
+art against what he used to call in private "the swinish multitude." A
+suggestion was made by several that the House of Lords should be restored,
+and many began to sigh for a return to the old constitution, which had
+been broken up before there had been time to try the effect of a new one.
+</p>
+<p>
+At length an alderman of London, one Sir Christopher Pack, started up,
+without any preliminary notice, and moved that the title of king should be
+offered to the Protector. Pack's proposition set off the entire pack of
+republicans in full cry against him, and they all continued to give tongue
+from the 23rd of February to the 26th of March, 1657, when Pack's motion
+was carried by a large majority. A deputation was appointed to request
+that "his Highness would be pleased to magnify himself with the title of
+king,"&mdash;a proposition almost as absurd as an offer to place Barclay
+and Perkins on the throne, or entreat Meux and Co. to write Henry IX. over
+the door of their brewery.
+</p>
+<p>
+Cromwell gave an evasive reply to the requisition, approving most fully of
+the proposition to restore the House of Lords, but was hanging back about
+the "other little matter," when a declaration from some of his former
+friends and tools, that they had fought against monarchy and would do so
+again if required, completely settled him in his wavering refusal of the
+royal title. He was therefore inaugurated with much pomp as Lord Protector&mdash;and,
+indeed, he might well have been satisfied, for he had secured everything
+except the name of royalty. His manner of life and his Court were marked
+by no extravagant show, but he had everything very comfortable: and he was
+accustomed to say to his intimate friends, "What do I want with the gilt,
+for haven't I got the gingerbread?" He did not give very large parties at
+Hampton Court, but used to have a "few friends" to tea, and "a little
+music" in the evening.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0188" id="linkimage-0188"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/554m.jpg" alt="554m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/554.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+He occasionally attempted a joke, "But this," says Whitelock, "was always
+a very ponderous business." One of his frolics&mdash;we start
+instinctively at the idea of Cromwell being frolicsome&mdash;was to order
+a drum to beat in the middle of dinner, falling unpleasantly on the drums
+of his guests' ears, and at the signal the Protector's guards were allowed
+to rush into the room, clear the table, pocket the poultry, and, on a
+certain signal from the drum, make off with the drumsticks.
+</p>
+<p>
+Cromwell had the good taste to delight in the society of clever men, and
+there was always a knife and fork at Hampton Court for Milton, or for that
+marvel of his age, the celebrated Andrew Marvel. Waller, the poet, was
+welcome always; Dryden now and then; John Biddle sometimes; and Archbishop
+Usher, whom Cromwell use to call the only real gentleman usher of his day,
+was constantly kicking his heels under the Protector's mahogany.
+</p>
+<p>
+We have now to record the death of poor Blake, who, having fluttered the
+Canaries in the isles of that name, was returning safe into Plymouth
+Sound, when he died of the scurvy, which, according to a wag of that day&mdash;happily
+the wretch is not a wag of this&mdash;showed that fortune had in store for
+him but scurvy treatment. Poor Blake had been in early life a candidate
+for an Oxford fellowship, but lost it from the lowness of his stature, *
+for in Blake's time very little fellows were not academically recognised.
+There is no doubt that with his general ability he would have taken a very
+high degree if he had been only big enough. He was buried at the
+Protector's expense, in Henry the Seventh's chapel, for Cromwell was a
+great undertaker, and was very fond of providing his friends with splendid
+funerals.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Brodic, Brit. Emp., iv. 317.
+</pre>
+<p>
+While these things were happening at home, the Protector was fortifying
+his position abroad, and had persuaded the French to abandon Charles the
+Second, known to the world in general, and to playgoers in particular, as
+the "merry monarch." This fugitive scamp&mdash;of whom more hereafter&mdash;was
+mean enough to offer to marry one of the Misses Cromwell, a daughter of
+the usurper, who had the good sense and spirit to turn up his puritanical
+nose at the idea of such a son-in-law. Orrery, whom Charles consulted with
+the vague idea that consulting an orrery was in fact consulting the stars,
+took the message to Cromwell, who replied, haughtily, "I am more than a
+match for Charles, but Charles is less than a match for my daughter." The
+Protector had what he called something better in view for his "gal," who,
+on the 17th of November, was wedded to Lord Falconbridge. The ceremony was
+described in the <i>Morning Post</i> of the period, which was then called
+the <i>Court Gazette</i>, and a column was devoted to an account of the
+festivities. We see from facts like these how ready are the declaimers
+against aristocracy to adopt the ways and even the weaknesses of a class
+that is ridiculed and abused chiefly by those who would, if they could,
+belong to it.
+</p>
+<p>
+The ascendency of the puritan Protector was marked by the grossest
+corruption that ever prevailed under the most licentious of regal
+governments. Unlimited bribery of one portion of the people was effected
+by the unlimited robbery of the other, and thus the dupes were made to pay
+the knaves who sold themselves and betrayed their fellow-subjects for the
+sake of Cromwell's aggrandisement.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 20th of January, 1658, the Parliament met again, and fraternised
+with a little batch of peers, amounting to sixty in all, whom Cromwell had
+created, and who might, indeed&mdash;upon our honour, we don't say so for
+the sake of the pun&mdash;be justly called his creatures. Two of the
+Protector's sons, namely, Richard and Henry, were among the batch of
+anything but thoroughbreds, that formed the roll of Oliver's peerage. The
+number, however, included some highly respectable names, among whom we may
+particularly notice Lord Mulgrave, who took the family name of Phipps,
+because in the civil wars he would not at one time have given Phippence
+for his life; Lord John Claypole, whose head was as thick and whose brains
+were as muddy as his title implies; and a few old military friends of
+Cromwell. Colonel Pride, who had been a drayman, was also among the new
+peers; and the drayman of course offered a fair butt to the royalists, who
+threw his dray in his face and assailed him with the shafts of ridicule.
+</p>
+<p>
+Scarcely any of the genuine nobles who had been called to Parliament
+condescended to come, and the Protector made his appearance before a house
+almost as poor as some of those in which the farce of legislation is
+enacted in these days at nearly the close of a very long session. Cromwell
+was really indisposed, or shammed indisposition on account of the
+scantiness of the audience, for, after having said a few words, he turned
+to his Lord Speaker Fiennes, exclaiming, "Fiennes! you know my mind pretty
+well; so just give it them as strongly as you like, for I'm too tired to
+talk to them." Fiennes, taking the hint, proceeded to rattle on at very
+rapid rate, mixing up a quantity of religious quotations and a vast deal
+of vulgar abuse, in the prevailing style of the period.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Commons retired to their chamber in a huff; and four days afterwards,
+receiving a message mentioning the Upper House, refused to recognise the
+peers except as the "other house,"&mdash;for the little Shakspearean fable
+of the rose, the odour, and the name, was not at that time popular. The
+Protector, who always sent for the Parliament as he would have sent for
+his tailor, desired that the legislature should be shown into the
+banqueting or dining-room, where he advised them not to quarrel, and,
+producing the public accounts, he impressed upon them that things were
+very bad in the city. He exhorted them not to increase the panic by any
+dissensions among themselves, but he could not persuade them to change
+their note; and he accordingly got out of bed&mdash;some say, wrong leg
+first&mdash;very early on the 4th of February, when, calling for his hot
+water and his Parliament, he dissolved the latter without a moment's
+warning. The legislative body had enjoyed a short but not very merry life
+of fourteen days, when an end was thus put to its too weak existence.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Protector was now in need of all his protective powers in consequence
+of the dangers that on all sides threatened him. The republicans were
+ready, as they generally are, to draw anything, from a sword to a bill;
+and the army, with its pay in arrear, did nothing but grumble. The
+royalists were being inspirited by the Marquis of Ormond, who was "up in
+town," quite <i>incog</i>.; and the levellers were, of course, ready to
+sink to any level, however degraded, in the cause of the first leader who
+was willing and able to purchase them.
+</p>
+<p>
+Notwithstanding the gathering storm, Cromwell boldly stuck up the sword of
+vengeance by his side, as a sort of lightning conductor to turn aside the
+destruction that threatened him. A pamphlet, called "Killing no Murder,"
+put him to the expense of a steel shirt, the collar of which, by the way,
+could have required no starch; and he kept himself continually "armed in
+proof," but we do not know whether he selected an author's proof, which
+might have been truly impregnable armour, for getting through an author's
+proof is frequently quite impossible. He carried pistols in his pockets,
+to be let off when occasion required&mdash;a provision of which he never
+gave his enemies the benefit. Poor Dr. Hunt was cruelly cut off&mdash;or,
+at least, his head was&mdash;which amounted to much the same thing; and
+others were treated with similar severity.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the Continent the Protector was very successful, and the English
+serving under Turenne, or, as some have called him, Tureen, poured down
+upon Dunkirk, which was overwhelmed and taken. Cromwell, however, lived a
+miserable life at home, being suspicious of every one about him, and he
+never dared sleep more than two consecutive nights in the same place&mdash;a
+circumstance that may account for the multiplicity of lodgings we have
+already alluded to. This continual changing of apartments must have
+rendered him very liable to get put into damp sheets, and, as hydropathy
+had not yet been reduced to a system, he caught the ague, instead of
+profiting by the moisture of the bed-clothes. On the 2nd of September he
+grew very bad indeed, and, in the presence of four or five of the Council,
+he named his son Richard to succeed him; but this youth was so complete a
+failure, that to talk of his succeeding was utterly ridiculous. Oliver
+Cromwell died between three and four o'clock in the afternoon of the 3rd
+of September, the day on which he always expected good luck, for it was
+the anniversary of some of his greatest victories. Death, however, is an
+enemy not to be overcome, and, in spite of the prestige of success which
+belonged to the day, the Protector was compelled to yield to the universal
+conqueror. He died in the fifty-ninth year of his age; and it is a
+singular coincidence that Nature brewed a tremendous storm&mdash;as if in
+compliment to the brewer&mdash;at the very moment of his dissolution.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0189" id="linkimage-0189"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/557m.jpg" alt="557m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/557.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The character of Cromwell was, as we have already intimated, a species of
+half-and-half, in which the smaller description One, Two, Three, and
+finder of beer appeared to preponderate. He had, like a pot of porter, a
+good head; but to draw a simile from the same refreshing fount, he was
+rather frothy than substantial in his political qualities. His speeches
+had the wonderful peculiarity of meaning nothing, and instead of saying a
+great deal in a few words, he managed to say very little in a great many.
+* Cromwell wrote almost as obscurely as he spoke, and could do little more
+than sign his name, for which he used to make the old excuse of the
+illiterate, that his education had been somewhat neglected; and indeed it
+seemed to have gone very little beyond those primitive pothooks intended
+for the hanging up of future more important acquisitions. The Protector's
+wit was exceedingly coarse, or rather particularly fine, for it was
+scarcely perceptible. It savoured much of the Scotch humourist, whose fun
+might be exceedingly good sometimes, if it were not always invisible. His
+practical jokes wore not particularly happy, and his smearing the chairs
+with sweetmeats at Whitehall, to dirty the dresses of the ladies, was a
+piece of facetiousness worthy of an eccentric scavenger, but highly
+unbecoming to the chief magistrate, for the time being, of such a country
+as England.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* The following is an extract from one of the Protector's
+speeches, which even Captain Bunsby, the naval oracle in
+"Dombey and Son," might be proud of: "I confess. I would
+say, I hope, I may be understood in this, for indeed I must
+be tender in what I say to such an audience as this;&mdash;I say,
+I would be understood that in this argument I do not make a
+parallel between men of a different mind."
+&mdash;<i>Original Speech of Oliver Cromwell.</i>
+</pre>
+<p>
+Though Cromwell could scarcely read the characters of caligraphy, he could
+peruse the characters of men with great acuteness. He was well acquainted
+with all the variations of human types, and could easily distinguish the
+capitals from the lower-case. In private life he was playful, though in
+his public capacity he was severe even to cruelty; and it has hence been
+prettily remarked, that, though he was a kitten in the bosom of his
+family, the puss became a tiger in the arena of politics. He never turned
+his back upon any of his children, except at leap-frog, in which he would
+often indulge with his sons, who had little of that vaulting ambition for
+which their parent was conspicuous.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0190" id="linkimage-0190"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/558m.jpg" alt="558m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/558.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0046" id="link2HCH0046"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE SEVENTH. RICHARD CROMWELL.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0191" id="linkimage-0191"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/559m.jpg" alt="559m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/559.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+ONSIDERING all things, we have some hesitation in devoting a chapter to
+this contemptible imbecile; but in taking up the thread of the history, we
+promise to wind him off in a very few pages.
+</p>
+<p>
+The ceremony of proclamation was performed in London and Westminster, as
+well as in every city of the kingdom, and congratulatory addresses poured
+in upon the new Protector, as they would upon Brown, Jones, Robin-son, or
+any other piece of scum that the tide of chance might have thrown up to
+the same position. There was the usual junction of condolence on the death
+of the parent, and joy at the accession of the son; but both expressions
+were equally affected and hypocritical. Richard Cromwell was, however,
+such a mere nonentity, that he could not turn to account the advantages of
+his position: and when the army promised to stand by him to a man he had
+nothing to say beyond "Dear me! how very kind of the army!" He had, it is
+true, been born, as the saying is, with a "silver spoon in his mouth," and
+the qualities of the spoon had become incorporated with his being.
+</p>
+<p>
+The soldiers soon began to discover that the brewer's son knew more about
+barrels of beer than barrels of gunpowder, and that his acquaintance with
+the musket was limited to the butt end of it. A petition was got up among
+the troops requesting him to resign; but he replied, that though he was
+very willing to do anything to oblige, he was sure his people did not wish
+him to relinquish the command of the army.
+</p>
+<p>
+Richard had sent, as usual, for the coffers of the State, which have been
+generally the first object of solicitude to one attaining the post of
+chief magistrate. Some small change was all that the coffers contained,
+and he resolved to call a Parliament in order to replenish them. The
+legislative assembly met on the 27th of January, 1659, but was very soon
+torn by factions of every sort, except satisfaction, which there were no
+symptoms of in any quarter whatever. Fleetwood, the brother-in-law of
+Richard Cromwell, and Desborough, his uncle-in-law, who had married his
+aunt, got up a movement against him among the soldiers who resented their
+want of pay, and avowed their determination not to draw their swords until
+they had drawn their salaries. Finding there was nothing to be got out of
+the Parliament, Richard dissolved it, and the old one that Oliver had
+forcibly ejected had the impudence to resume its sittings. The new
+Protector beginning to think, like his father, that self-protection was
+the first duty he had to perform, withdrew to Hampton Court, and sent in
+his resignation, which was accepted immediately.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Parliament, though very long of date, was very short of cash, and
+coolly proposed selling the three royal palaces to ease the pecuniary
+pressure which the tightness in the city was occasioning. Royalists'
+plots, however, disturbed the plans of the assembly, whose members
+quarrelled fiercely with each other, and were terribly bamboozled by Monk,
+who had a large amount of monkish deception in his character. He wrote
+letters to cajole Parliament, while he was in treaty with the king; but
+the former being very short of cash soon decided, whatever doubts he might
+have entertained as to which was the best investment for his allegiance.
+</p>
+<p>
+It having become tolerably sure that Charles the Second would be sent for,
+there was a sudden rush of competitors for the honour or dishonour, as the
+case may be, of bringing him back to England. Even Fleetwood, the
+brother-in-law of Richard Cromwell and the son-in-law of Oliver, was on
+the point of undertaking the job; but having entered into a sort of tacit
+agreement with Lambert, to give him a share in any job that he (Fleetwood)
+might undertake, the latter could not make up his mind to sell himself in
+the former's absence.
+</p>
+<p>
+Monk continued to deceive the Parliament with so much success that he was
+invited by that body to come to London, and accept the situation of keeper
+of St. James's Park, a post of honour rather than of active duty; for, in
+those days, "the boys" had not gained such ascendency as to call for
+activity in the metropolitan beadlery. Monk used his new position for the
+purpose of promoting the object for the furtherance of which he had in
+fact sold himself to the king; and his majesty having sent a letter to the
+Parliament, in which the lords had again mustered very strong, a
+favourable answer was returned to it.
+</p>
+<p>
+Charles was voted a sum of �50,000 to pay his expenses home, and the
+evening was spent in bell-ringing, beer, and bonfires. Royalty rushed up
+to a premium as exorbitant and unhealthy as the discount to which it had
+fallen in the days of the Commonwealth; and on the 8th of May, 1660,
+Charles was proclaimed at the gate of Westminster Hall, amidst loud cries
+of "Hats off!" "Down in front! Long live the king!" and "Where are you
+shoving to?"
+</p>
+<p>
+Richard Cromwell made himself not the least obstacle to any arrangements
+that might be made for deposing him, and indeed begged the parties
+concerned would not "consider him" in any alterations that circumstances
+might require. His chief anxiety was to get a guarantee against the
+expenses of his father's funeral, for which "poor Richard" feared he was
+legally responsible. He sneaked eventually out of the kingdom, and making
+a call abroad on a foreign prince, who did not know him, was told to his
+face, in the course of a casual conversation, that "Oliver Cromwell,
+though a villain and a traitor, was fit to command, but that Richard was a
+mere poltroon and an idiot." * "What has become of the fellow?" added the
+prince; upon which Richard suddenly withdrew, and the conversation ended.
+He eventually returned to England, and taking the name of Clark, died
+unknown at a little place in Cheshunt.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Universal Biography, vol. i., "Life of Richard Cromwell."
+The Prince of Conte is the individual with whom the
+conversation was held in which Richard received, unasked,
+this true but not flattering character.
+</pre>
+<p>
+We may as well finish off the Cromwells at once, while we are about them,
+by mentioning that the last known descendant of the family, who died in
+1821, was on the roll of attorneys. From the throne of England to the
+stool in a solicitor's office, is undoubtedly a dreadful drop; and if
+Oliver Cromwell could have seen the last of his race making out a bill of
+costs, the Protector would have received a lesson by which he might have
+profited.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0047" id="link2HCH0047"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE EIGHTH. ON THE NATIONAL INDUSTRY AND THE LITERATURE, MANNERS,
+CUSTOMS, AND CONDITION OP THE PEOPLE.
+</h2>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>HAT improvement was not stationary during the period we have just been
+describing, will be inferred from the fact that, in 1625, Science called a
+hackney-coach into existence. Though in these days invention would seem to
+be at a stand if it went no further than the point we have indicated,
+still the hackney-carriage was a decided advance on the slow coaches of
+previous centuries. From a print of the period we perceive that the
+newly-invented vehicles resembled in shape something between a steam
+locomotive and a covered railway luggage-van, or in other words, exhibited
+a sort of combination of the 'bus and the boiler. The hackney-coachman did
+not long enjoy a monopoly, for in 1634 Sir Sanders Duncomb thrust a pair
+of poles through an old sentry-box, and calling it a sedan, started it as
+a "turn out" for his own convenience. The arrangement seeming to give
+satisfaction, he obtained a patent for fourteen in all, and S. D.
+advertised the careful removal of ladies and gentlemen by means of his new
+invention.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the year 1630, London began to exhibit symptoms of outgrowing its
+strength, and fresh buildings within three miles of the gates were
+prohibited. So long as the metropolis extended on all sides alike, there
+could have been nothing to fear, for it would have been as broad as it was
+long, at any rate. It is a curious fact that those persons who had money
+in the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries did not know what to do with
+it. They had been in the habit of keeping it in the Royal Mint, till
+Charles the First got into the ugly habit of going down to that
+establishment, clearing off the whole of the cash it contained, calling it
+a loan, and never paying it back again. The capitalists next tried the
+experiment of lodging their cash with their clerks and apprentices, and
+unfortunately it soon became current coin of the realm, for the clerks and
+apprentices all ran away with it. "The moneyed men, listening at last,"
+says Anderson, "to these admoney-tory lessons, began to place their cash
+in the hands of goldsmiths," but these gentlemen used to pick out the
+heaviest coins and make a profit by the sweating process, so that instead
+of living by the sweat of their own brows, they lived by the sweating of
+other people's money. This was the origin of the banking business, which
+began in, or near, Sweeting's Alley, then called Sweating's Alley, from
+the practices we have mentioned.
+</p>
+<p>
+Gardening industry made wonderfully rapid strides during this era, for the
+peas were well drilled, the cabbages made to stand at ease in the open
+air, and the turnips to take close order at the commencement of the
+seventeenth century. Cherries soon after came amongst the English people,
+with a degree of cherry bounce that the beauty and delicacy of the fruit
+perhaps warranted. The apple was welcomed with enthusiasm, and Samuel
+Hartlib, a gardener of the day&mdash;week, month or year&mdash;was so
+affected by the flourishing growth of an apple-tree he had planted, that
+the well-known expression, "Go it, my pippin!" burst from his lips, and
+has taken its place in popularity with the Eureka of the old philosopher.
+The hops also presented themselves as candidates for British favour, and
+were soon at the top of the poll in all directions.
+</p>
+<p>
+The woollen manufacturers of England acquired importance at a very early
+date; but the secret of dyeing the cloth could never be discovered, and
+every failure only threw a wretched stain upon national ingenuity. At
+length a Dutchman settled himself, in 1643, at Bow, and announced, by a
+notice in his bow-window, his intention to get a living by dyeing upon an
+entirely new principle. Hitherto the English had miserably failed in this
+branch of art, for when they attempted to master the dye and keep it under
+their control, it was always sure to come off with flying colours. The
+Dutchman of Bow had determined to conquer, even in dyeing, and he not only
+succeeded in producing a single shade, but he made such hits with his
+shots, that customers might safely stand the hazard of the dye, if they
+brought their orders to his establishment. He taught the art to the
+English, the fastness of whose colours had been previously shown in the
+extreme rapidity of their running.
+</p>
+<p>
+In 1622. hemp and flax having been introduced ready dressed into this
+country, the rope manufacture twined itself with the industrial
+institutions of England. There had been always a prejudice against the use
+of coal for domestic purposes; but on its value in manufactures being
+discovered, it acquired a higher character, though its best friends were
+never able to say that coal after all is not so black as it had been
+painted. It was extensively employed in iron manufactories, which had
+greatly advanced; and we have seen an old woodcut of a saw which is one of
+those very "wise saws" that maybe considered equal to the best of our
+"modern instances."
+</p>
+<p>
+Knowing the danger of playing with edge tools, we forbear to speak of them
+any longer in a sportive strain, and turn to the state of music in the
+sixteenth and seventeenth centuries. Henry the Eighth himself was a
+composer, if we are to believe Sir John Hawkins, but we suspect that the
+monarch's well-known overtures to the Pope may have misled the musical
+historian. There were several writers of madrigals, a class of production
+whose name has been ingeniously but ignorantly supposed to have reference
+to the mad wriggles into which the music throws itself.
+</p>
+<p>
+Charles the First was an adept in the pleasing science, and pretended to
+play on the viol, though not without a sad viol-ation of some of the rules
+of harmony. He was, however, fond of melody, which, like everything else
+of a cheerful and agreeable nature, received a sad blow from the dull
+puritanical humbugs who rose into importance at the time of the
+Commonwealth. These psalm-singing sycophants were so fond of hearing their
+own melancholy and monotonous voices, that no accompaniments were allowed:
+and thus, to use the impassioned pun of Smith, * "one of the most
+disgusting specimens of an organised hypocrisy that the world ever saw was
+carried on entirely without the use of organs."
+</p>
+<p>
+The Fine Arts flourished in England under Charles the First, who was a
+scholar, a man of taste, a gentleman, and, in fact, everything but what he
+ought to have been&mdash;namely, a good sovereign. He employed Vandyke to
+take off his head, or rather multiply it frequently, as if he felt a
+foreboding of his eventually losing it. He was also the patron of Inigo
+Jones, the architect of several public buildings, and of his own fortune.
+</p>
+<p>
+The drama is a subject so exciting to antiquarian speculation, that we are
+afraid of losing ourselves in the mists of ages by plunging into it. We
+cannot hope to surpass in sagacity some of those ingenious annotators of
+the present day, who have had such a keen eye to Gammer Gurton's needle,
+that they actually trace its existence to so remote a date as some few
+years before the birth of its author. ** We need not particularise the
+various dramatic authors who gave lustre to the Elizabethan period, nor
+shall we fall into the affectation of talking about Master Beaumont,
+Master Fletcher, Master Jonson, Master Shakspeare, Master Deekes, and
+Master Hey wood, as if they had been so many precocious young gentlemen or
+juvenile prodigies of which the present age is somewhat prodigal.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* For further particulars of Smith, see the "London
+Directory."
+
+** See Wright&mdash;who, by the way, was generally wrong&mdash;in his
+"Historia Histrionica."
+</pre>
+<p>
+The Long Parliament put down all stage plays, for the miserable mummers of
+whom that assembly was composed were desirous of having all the acting to
+themselves, though they made a very poor burlesque of the parts of
+statesmen and patriots. It has been ingeniously suggested by Mr. Collier,
+in his History of Dramatic Poetry, that the Puritanical Parliament
+suppressed the drama and dramatists less on conscientious grounds than
+from the fear of being made the subject of well-merited satire. The same
+feeling which would urge a legislature of pickpockets to abolish the
+police might have actuated the Republicans in their zeal to get rid of
+that moral watch which a well regulated state will always keep over cant
+and villainy.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0192" id="linkimage-0192"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/564m.jpg" alt="564m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/564.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+If, however, dramatic performances were scarce during the ascendency of
+Cromwell and the Puritans, the public&mdash;had they known how to
+appreciate it&mdash;would not have been without food for mirth in the very
+ludicrous exhibitions which the events of the day were perpetually
+furnishing. The career of Cromwell himself might have suggested an amusing
+spectacle to those who are in the habit of turning to the ridiculous side
+of everything. A brewer on the throne, endeavouring to unite republican
+simplicity with royal state, presents to the imagination a figure almost
+as grotesque as that of an elephant on the tight-rope&mdash;an idea in
+which there is that rare combination of ponderosity and levity, which
+Cromwell's conduct on the protectorat elbow, or supreme arm-chair, will be
+found to have realised. His unwieldy gambols and great preponderance over
+all below him, were most fatal to that balance of power which can never be
+sustained without an equality of pressure and an equality of resistance on
+all sides.
+</p>
+<p>
+Our survey of the literature of the seventeenth century would be
+incomplete if we were to omit to notice the 3rd of November, 1640, as
+being the date of the earliest English newspaper. It bore the name of the
+"Diurnal Occurrences; or, Daily Proceedings of Both Houses," but though it
+professed to give daily news, it was only a weekly periodical. There arose
+rapidly a provincial press, but its pretensions were slight, and <i>News
+from Hull, Truths from York, Warranted Tidings from Ireland</i>, were the
+names of some of the chief of these country newspapers. Their leading
+articles were not much in the style we are accustomed to at the present
+day; but the ancient order of penny-a-liners seemed to be ever agog for
+these precocious gooseberries, showers of frogs, and fading reminiscences
+of oldest inhabitants, that are still the staple of the productions of
+this humble class of contributors. It is a remarkable coincidence that the
+circulation of the blood and the circulation of newspapers should both
+have belonged to this period of our country's history.
+</p>
+<p>
+Furniture and costume improved wonderfully in this age, and the wealthy
+became less chary of expense in their chairs, while they began to sleep on
+down, or, in other words, to feather their nests with great luxuriance.
+The clothes of the times of the two Charles's were made much too large for
+the wearers, and may be considered characteristic of the loose habits of
+the period. The hair was cut short by the Republican party, or Roundheads,
+in memory of whom the culprits at Clerkenwell and other prisons are
+cropped exceedingly close, though this is not the only point of
+resemblance between the modern rogues and the old regicides.
+</p>
+<p>
+The condition of the people was not very enviable in the era we have
+described, and it is a remarkable as well as a most instructive fact, that
+commonwealth is usually synonymous with common poverty. Wages were
+invariably low, for a man-servant who could thrash a cornfield and kill a
+hog, received only fifty shillings per annum. Poverty and knavery, begging
+and filching, were at their height under the reign of the Puritans; for
+"Like master, like man" was at all times a proverb that could be
+thoroughly relied upon.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2H_4_0057" id="link2H_4_0057"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+BOOK VII. THE PERIOD FROM THE RESTORATION OF CHARLES THE SECOND TO THE
+REVOLUTION.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0048" id="link2HCH0048"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE FIRST. CHARLES THE SECOND.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0193" id="linkimage-0193"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/566m.jpg" alt="566m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/566.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>HOUGH we find Charles the Second at the commencement of this chapter
+seated comfortably enough upon the English throne, the question "How came
+he there?"&mdash;when we remember the straits and the crookeds through
+which he passed&mdash;very naturally suggests itself. There is an anecdote
+connected with his escape from Worcester, which we have not given before,
+because, as it rests chiefly on the authority of the "Merry Monarch"
+himself, the story is very likely to be dubious. Whether fact or fiction,
+we may give it a place in the history of his reign, for if the tale is
+made up, the manufacture is entirely his own, and so far may be considered
+to belong to his annals. We shall therefore follow the thread of the
+king's own narrative, and if the yarn he has spun was of a fabricated
+fabric, it is to Charles and not to us that the imposture must be
+attributed.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the battle of Worcester being utterly lost, Charles began to think of
+saving himself; but his adherents, who had been thoroughly beaten,
+insisted on sticking to him with rather inconvenient loyalty. Feeling that
+a small party could run away much faster than a large one, he resolved to
+give his too faithful friends the slip; and when night came on he
+succeeded in doing so, leaving his supporters, who would have stuck to him
+till death, to shift for themselves. Charles, with that scamp Wilmot,
+afterwards Rochester, and three or four others, got clean off in a very
+dirty manner. Some advised the king to take shelter among the Scotch; but
+his majesty, having no desire to be regularly sold, declined putting
+himself in the power of a people who at that time valued the virtues for
+exactly what they might bring, and would no doubt have received the king
+with open arms as an eligible investment to be speedily realised. He
+determined, therefore, to proceed towards London, and, by the aid of a
+leathern doublet, grey breeches, and green jerkin, he "made up" very
+effectually as a stage countryman.
+</p>
+<p>
+Taking with him a real countryman, one Richard Penderell, as a companion,
+Charles went into a wood, from the edge of which he saw a troop of horse:
+but the rain poured down in such torrents that the troop retired, instead
+of taking shelter in the wood, which was certainly the wisest course they
+could have adopted. The anecdote is, however, so essentially dramatic,
+that the soldiers were perfectly in character when they went quite in the
+opposite direction to that they should have taken, like those pursuers on
+the stage who usually overlook the person they are in search of, and who,
+to every one else, is most conspicuously visible. Charles's position on
+this occasion resembled, in a minor degree, the situation of the fugitive
+at the fair, who, pointing to a painted blind representing a tree with a
+hole cut down the centre of it, expressed his determination to conceal
+himself in "yonder thicket." Finding accommodation only for his body in
+the tree's imaginary trunk, his legs of course protruded from the "shady
+grove," when two assassins in hot pursuit tumbling over the out-hanging
+heels of the wretched runaway, exclaimed confidentially in the ears of the
+audience, "By 'ivins, he 'as eluded us!" Such must have been the good
+fortune of Charles, and the stupid blindness of the troop, when the former
+sat on the forest's edge, and the latter never noted him.
+</p>
+<p>
+This incident being over, another soon afterwards ensued of an equally
+melodramatic character. Charles and Penderell, after travelling two nights
+on foot, had put up at the house of one of Penderell's brothers; but it
+was not thought safe to remain in it, and his majesty was recommended to
+an oak, whose parent stem would afford friendly shelter, while all the
+junior branches might be thoroughly relied upon. The king having supplied
+himself with bread, cheese, and beer, which could not have been table
+beer, for there was no table to put it on&mdash;though there were plenty
+of leaves&mdash;made the best of the imperfect accommodation that the tree
+afforded him. He had no sooner settled on his perch, and made himself a
+kind of nest in the boughs, than some soldiers entered on the o. p. side,
+and looked everywhere&mdash;except in the right place&mdash;for the
+fugitive monarch. His legs, as usual, were visible enough, but the
+troopers possibly mistook them for a pair of stockings hanging up to dry,
+and they were not even struck by the shoes at the end, that should have
+awakened them to the value of the booty. The most infantine participators
+in the game of hide-and-seek, would not have been at fault under
+circumstances of a similar kind; and there can scarcely be a doubt, that
+if any urchin had only raised a suggestive cry of "Hot beans and butter!"
+Charles would have been laid by the heels without a scruple on the part of
+those who were in search of him.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0194" id="linkimage-0194"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/569m.jpg" alt="569m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/569.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Leaving his majesty's legs to dangle in the air, and allowing credulity to
+score one for his heels on the cribbage-board of fancy, we proceed to
+contemplate Charles in a more dignified position on the throne of England.
+He arrived at Dover on the 25th of May, with his two little brothers, who
+had grown to men, but were still called "the boys" by those who remembered
+them before their exile from the land of their forefathers. Monk received
+the royal trio, who rode to the hotel in the same hackney-coach with the
+general, forgetting that there had been a good deal of truly monkish
+cunning in the conduct of that individual, who being the latest with his
+service, obtained the favour due to much earlier and older royalists.
+</p>
+<p>
+The principle of "first come, first served!" was in this instance laid
+aside, and the rule of "last come served best" was ungratefully adopted. A
+most unreasonable reaction towards royalty now ensued, and the anxiety to
+deal mercilessly with the regicides ran into a most sanguinary extreme,
+surpassing in fury the most bloodthirsty predilections of the fiercest
+republicans.
+</p>
+<p>
+Both Houses of Parliament met, and an Act of Indemnity was passed for the
+benefit of the king's enemies; but, like the old story of Hamlet without
+the Prince of Denmark, most of the persons interested in the Act were
+excepted from its provisions. Nineteen of the regicides surrendered; and
+ten more being in custody, formed a batch of twenty-nine to be brought to
+trial. A commission was issued for the purpose, and on the 9th of October,
+1660, the proceedings began before a tribunal of thirty-four, many of whom
+had been Long Parliament men, masked Presbyterians, or miscellaneous
+scamps, of quite as revolutionary a turn as some of the prisoners
+submitted to their judgment. Sir Hardress Waller, who was number one on
+the list, had prepared a very fine speech in his defence; but looking over
+the document he made up his mind that it was rather strong, and could
+certainly do no good, upon which he pleaded guilty. Harrison and Carew,
+who came next, made each a very eloquent and enthusiastic harangue,
+glorying in their respective acts, by which they laid down their lives as
+an investment for a reversionary interest in the good books of posterity.
+</p>
+<p>
+Henry Marten, "the wit of the House of Commons," made a most dismal
+attempt to laugh the matter off, and to joke the prosecution out of court;
+but his humour, notwithstanding its extreme heaviness, had no weight with
+his judges. He began by demanding the benefit of the Act of Oblivion, and
+in a lame <i>bon mot</i> claimed to be allowed to forget himself. He was
+sharply told he must plead guilty or not guilty, but he insisted on the
+benefit of the Act of Indemnity, saying his name did not appear among the
+exceptions, and that in fact he had never been an exceptionable character.
+Irritated by these dismal jokes&mdash;so insulting to the understanding of
+the court&mdash;the Solicitor-General ordered the Act to be produced, with
+the name Henry Marten inserted legibly enough, when "the droll," with a
+miserable quibble not even amounting to a pun, exclaimed, "My name <i>is
+not so</i>&mdash;it is <i>Harry</i> Marten." This unmeaning objection
+being very properly overruled, the "mad wag" endeavoured to stand upon his
+reputation for mad waggery, and urged that being known as a wit, he had
+done nothing with a serious intention. He was, however, told that regicide
+in sport was high treason in earnest, when, after some few further
+attempts at facetiousness, the "witty Harry Marten" was found guilty, and
+retired cutting wretched jokes upon the disgusted turnkey.
+</p>
+<p>
+The court, which, in order to get beforehand with its work, had prepared
+most of its verdicts before the trials commenced, had already determined
+on fixing the act of cutting off the king's head on the shoulders of
+William Hewlett. Everything went to prove that the common hangman had
+performed the sanguinary job for �30, but the commissioners had made up
+their minds, and were unwilling to open the very small parcels for the
+purpose of looking at the charge by the light of the evidence. Hewlett was
+condemned, but people beginning to talk of the glaring injustice of the
+verdict, he was eventually saved from capital punishment. Poor Garland was
+another of the intended victims, and it may well be said that Garland by
+his heroism has made himself a wreath of immortality. He would have
+pleaded guilty to the accusation of having signed the death warrant of
+Charles, but indignantly repudiated the charge of having insulted the
+fallen sovereign. "I was a regicide, it is true," exclaimed Garland, "but
+as for the assertion of my having been base enough to spit in the face of
+the king, I throw it back in the face of my enemies."
+</p>
+<p>
+Upon this the Solicitor-General called as a witness a low, needy fellow,
+named Clench, who swore not only to the spitting by Garland, but to the
+king having wiped his face immediately afterwards, and from the
+supplementary lie told by Clench to support the first falsehood, the term
+Clencher obviously took its origin. Poor Garland was found guilty, of
+course, but his life was not eventually forfeited. The executions of the
+regicides were very numerous, and conducted in a spirit of barbarous
+brutality, that excited a great deal of disgust at the time among all but
+those who were animated by the desire to retaliate the atrocities that the
+other side had committed. It is in fact, a very common fault among
+philanthropists, and others who rush about with a strong sense of great
+social wrongs, to commit some other wrongs equally great, or even greater,
+upon the persons by whom their virtuous indignation may have been excited.
+</p>
+<p>
+We feel naturally interested in the fate of poor Harry Marten, the "funny
+man" of the Long Parliament. While in prison under sentence of death, he
+was visited by some aristocratic friends, who recommended the wit to
+petition in a jocose strain, but his humour had become exceedingly dreary
+in his dingy dungeon. He contrived, nevertheless, to serve up one small
+pun in a lengthy document begging for mercy; and though the Commons did
+not see the fun of the thing, the Lords good-naturedly took it for granted
+that, coming from a professed wag, there must be "something in it," and
+with a patronising "Ha, hal&mdash;very clever&mdash;amazingly droll!"&mdash;the
+Peers remitted his sentence.
+</p>
+<p>
+Though Royalty had risen wonderfully in public respect, there was nothing
+in the conduct of the royal family to render it respectable. The
+queen-mother, Henrietta Maria, returned to England with an extensive
+French suite, and ran into debt even over her head and ears, which being
+very long, may enable us to measure the depths of her extravagance. The
+utmost dissoluteness prevailed at Court, and the king's brother, the Duke
+of York, had married&mdash;several months later than he should have done&mdash;Miss
+Anne Hyde, the daughter of the Lord Chancellor Clarendon. This consummate
+old humbug affected to be much pained at the degradation of his prince,
+through his marriage with Clarendon's own daughter, and the chancellor,
+affecting to doubt the fact, declared, if it were true, "The woman should
+go to the Tower and have her head chopped off!" in accordance with an Act
+of Parliament he would himself draw up for that purpose. All this
+unnatural abuse of his own child, instead of earning him the smallest
+respect, simply rendered him infamous in the minds of all but those who
+believed he was acting a part, and who regarded him, therefore, as simply
+contemptible. He is believed to have been secretly engaged in promoting
+the marriage against which he publicly protested; and the recognition of
+his daughter as Duchess of York, which soon afterwards took place, was
+purchased, it is said, by Clarendon's paying the debts of the
+queen-mother, by, of course, robbing the people.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is impossible to say much for the magnanimity of the royalist party,
+whose triumph was signalised by continued acts of mingled ferocity and
+littleness. A law was passed attainting Oliver Cromwell, Ireton, and
+Bradshaw, who were dragged from their graves in Westminster Abbey, and
+hanged at Tyburn, on the 30th of January, the day of the death of Charles
+the First&mdash;in celebration of his martyrdom. This was certainly one
+way of crying quits with the regicides in the game of butchery, and both
+sides were thus brought to the same degraded level. The royalist
+resurrectionists having commenced the desecration of the dead did not
+relinquish their loathsome pursuit until they had ex-humed, as we learn
+nom Hume, the remains of Cromwell's highly-respectable mother and
+inoffensive daughter, as well as numerous others who had done nothing in
+life to render them in death the objects of enmity.
+</p>
+<p>
+All parties now began to claim the merit of the Restoration in the hope of
+obtaining a reward, and bills for old arrears of alleged loyalty were sent
+in to the Government. The Scotch were of course not backward in looking
+after the profits due, or supposed to be due, on account of any assistance
+rendered to Charles in his misfortunes; but the king and his friends
+having been sold two or three times over by the crafty Caledonians, his
+majesty thought they had really made their full money out of him. When,
+therefore, the Marquis of Argyle asked permission to pay his respects, a
+friendly reply was despatched to bring him up to town; but on his arrival
+at Whitehall, he had scarcely knocked at the door when he found he was
+regularly let in, for a guard, tapping him on the shoulder, walked him off
+as a traitor. He was sent to be tried by his own countrymen; for as some
+of them would profit by his death, it was considered that making them his
+judges would be a sure method of getting rid of him. The result realised
+the estimate formed of the character of the Scotch, who condemned him and
+hanged him as a matter of <i>beesness</i>, because there was a small
+profit to be got out of the transaction. Poor Argyle had been the very
+party who had put the crown on the king's head a few years before at
+Scone; but, "Life," said he, on the scaffold, "is a toss up, and it's
+heads I lose on this melancholy occasion."
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 8th of May, 1661, a new Parliament met, which lasted even longer
+than the long one <i>par excellence</i>, and, indeed, the lengths to which
+it went might alone have entitled it to the epithet bestowed on its
+Republican predecessor. The Cavaliers had a very large majority in this
+assembly, and the off-hand manner in which it dealt with the country
+rendered the words cavalier treatment and bad treatment synonymous. The
+royal prerogative was the object of nearly all the acts of this assembly;
+and the rights of monarchy were being continually declared, in the same
+spirit as the artist who wrote "This is a lion," under his picture,
+because there would have been room for doubt in the absence of the
+epigraph. Thus the frequent assertions of the Parliament that the king was
+paramount, and indeed absolute, were tolerably good evidence of the fact
+that the position is not altogether incontrovertible.
+</p>
+<p>
+After a brief session, in which the Cavaliers helped themselves to
+�60,000, by way of compensation-money, and voted a supply to the king, the
+Parliament adjourned from the 30th of July till the 28th of November, by
+which time Charles and his minister, Clarendon, had got up a little mare's
+nest of a pretended conspiracy, to give a new impetus to the prevailing
+spirit of inconsiderate loyalty. The servile Commons called at once for a
+few supplementary executions, and with this view it was resolved to look
+through the back numbers, or stock remaining on hand, of the regicides.
+Lord Monson, Sir Henry Mild-may, and Sir Robert Wallop, were "unearthed"
+from the obscurity into which they had crept, and were dragged on sledges,
+with ropes round their necks, to Tyburn and back again. Poor Wallop's name
+was cruelly made suggestive of ruffianly attacks, which, by turning the
+first person present&mdash;Wallop&mdash;into the participle in ing, the
+reader will at once mentally realise.
+</p>
+<p>
+The subserviency of the Parliament to Charles was absolutely sickening,
+and it is a fact worthy of remark, that the epithet "most religious,"
+applied to the sovereign in portions of the Church service, was bestowed
+originally upon this profane and immoral reprobate. His necessities, or
+rather his extravagances, were supplied lavishly by Parliament, who voted
+him a hearth-tax for every fire-place, or in other words, gave him a draft
+upon every chimney. Notwithstanding the odious domestic character of
+Charles, every match-making old mother of royalty abroad endeavoured to
+get off some daughter by offering her as a wife to the heartless
+libertine. "He put himself up to auction," says a brother historian, * and
+we may add that it is much to be regretted he was not knocked down
+according to his merits. Portugal having bid the Princess Catherine, with
+half a million sterling, and other contingent advantages, the bargain was
+struck, and a ship sent over for herself and her dowry.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Mr. McFarlane's Pictorial History of England, vol. iii.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The royal marriage had recently taken place, when that unhappy
+weathercock, Sir Harry Vane, was brought to trial for having compassed the
+death of Charles the Second, merely by accepting employment under the
+Republican Government. Relying on the indemnity, Vane had gone to live at
+Hampstead, when he found there was something in the wind which gave him an
+unfavourable turn; but it was too late for him to escape, and he was
+accordingly sent to the Tower.
+</p>
+<p>
+After the fashion of the period, poor Vane was condemned in the opinion of
+his judges before he was tried, and he was not even allowed to make a last
+dying speech; for the sheriff snatched the document from which he was
+reading, drove away the reporters who were taking notes, and ordered the
+drums to strike up a <i>rataplan</i>, which overwhelmed the voice of the
+gallant soldier.
+</p>
+<p>
+The exuberant loyalty of the people towards Charles received a severe
+check, when, looking round for something to sell, in order to support his
+extravagant habits, he determined to throw Dunkirk into the market. Spain,
+Holland, and France were all in the field as customers for the lot, which
+was eventually made over to the last-named power for a few thousands,
+payable within three years by bills, which were discounted at an alarming
+sacrifice.
+</p>
+<p>
+Numerous Acts of oppression were passed by Charles, assisted by his most
+servile Parliament; and among them, the Conventicle Act, which forbade the
+Nonconformists from assembling anywhere but in the established churches,
+under the penalty of transportation or long imprisonment. Every loft,
+attic, or barn, where the Dissenters had got together for psalm-singing
+purposes, was searched, and the occupants were dragged away to the nearest
+prison.
+</p>
+<p>
+The year 1665 was dreadfully signalised by the plague of London, from
+which the king and Court fled to Oxford, as if they were aware that, by
+themselves at all events, the awful visitation was thoroughly merited.
+While, however, the profligate king and his dissolute companions escaped
+the physical consequences of a plague, the abandoned crew carried with
+them wherever they went the malaria of a moral pestilence. During the
+early part of 1666, the fever in the metropolis subsided, and Charles with
+his courtiers came sneaking back to town, where they resumed their old
+habits as the "fast men" of the period.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 2nd of September, in the same year, about the middle of the night,
+some smoke issued from a baker's house near London Bridge; but the
+watchman on duty, being asleep, as a matter of course, took no notice of
+the incident. The fire continued its progress unchecked, for the people
+instead of trying to put it out, which they might have done at first,
+pumps as they were, began to speculate on the subject of its origin. For
+some time it was reported that Harry Marten, "the wit of the House of
+Commons," as he was, on the <i>lucus a non lucendo</i> principle, called,
+had set the Thames on fire by some brilliant flashes, and the ignition of
+the river had, it was alleged, communicated itself to London Bridge, and
+thence to the shop of the baker. Others declared the French had done the
+mischief, and instead of arresting the flames, the mob began arresting all
+the foreigners.
+</p>
+<p>
+The usual casualties contributed to heighten the destructive effect of the
+fire, for the parish engine had, in the hurry of the moment, come out in
+the middle of the night without its hose, and the New River had been
+smoking its pipe or soldering it for the purposes of repair on the
+previous day, and neither of these aids to anti-combus-tion was available.
+Poor Clarendon, the Chancellor, who had got the reputation of being a
+great moral engine, was disturbed in his sleep by some mischievous boys,
+who, with a cry of "Fire! fire!" called upon the great moral engine to
+come and spout away upon the burning city.
+</p>
+<p>
+The devouring element continued its tremendous supper without
+interruption, and there was, unfortunately, considerable difficulty in
+administering anything to drink to allay the burning heat which was
+rapidly consuming the whole metropolis. The most furious conflagration
+will wear itself out in time, and the fire of London, after giving the
+inhabitants several "Nichts wi' Burns," brought its own progress to a
+conclusion. It is gratifying to be enabled to state that, even in the
+seventeenth century, the English were remarkable for their charity, and
+the calamities that fell upon the metropolis&mdash;particularly the fire&mdash;stirred
+up the public benevolence to the fullest extent, and inspired all classes
+with a warmth of feeling that was quite appropriate.
+</p>
+<p>
+Charles having got all he could out of the people, for the purposes of
+war, thought he might as well be paid on both sides, and began to think of
+selling peace to his enemies. He entered into negotiations with the Dutch,
+but before they had come to terms, he commenced cutting down the expenses
+by selling the furniture of his fleets to the dealers in marine stores,
+and dismissing his soldiers, in order to put their pay into his own
+pocket. He was properly served for his selfish parsimony by De Buyter, the
+Dutch admiral, who, hearing that Charles was doing everything upon a low
+and paltry scale, dashed at the Medway, surprised Sheerness, and sacked
+not only the place, but several cargoes of coal that were lying there.
+Upon the old English principle of guarding the stable door after the
+furtive removal of the horse, Charles prepared to collect a force to guard
+his country against the injury it had already experienced. Twelve thousand
+men were enrolled; but during the process of enrolment, the enemy had got
+safely off, and when the soldiers were assembled, it occurred suddenly to
+the king that he had no means of paying them. As the Parliament seemed
+quite unwilling to take this little responsibility off his hands, the
+twelve thousand men were disbanded, all of them grumbling furiously at
+having been made fools of by the bankrupt monarch. Peace was concluded
+with De Ruyter just as if nothing had happened; and though the English did
+not obtain all they asked, they got the colony of New York, which was
+destined to give them so much trouble at a far distant period.
+</p>
+<p>
+The people were by no means satisfied with the terms of the treaty, and as
+national ill-humour must always have a victim of some kind, poor old
+Clarendon, the Chancellor, was pounced upon. The Nonconformists hated him
+because he was a high churchman; the high church party hated him because
+he wasn't; while the papists hated him, they didn't exactly know why; and
+the courtiers hated him because they had got a large balance of general
+animosity on hand, which they were determined to expend upon somebody.
+Clarendon, in fact, was the grand centre in which all the detestation of
+the country appeared to meet, or he might be more appropriately called the
+bull's-eye of the target towards which the shafts of public malignity were
+directed. Clarendon had been a faithful servant to Charles, but the
+monarch's stock of gratitude had always been very small, and what little
+he once possessed he had paid away long ago, to less worthy objects. He
+accordingly sent to the Chancellor for the Great Seal, but Clarendon,
+pleading gout for not immediately leaving home, promised that when he
+could get out he would call and leave the official emblem at the palace.
+Charles replied, that as to Clarendon's postponing his resignation till he
+could get out, he must get out at once, if he wished to avoid an ejection
+of a not very agreeable character. Urged by this formidable message, he
+took Whitehall in his way during a morning's walk, and having seen the
+king, made a desperate but useless struggle to retain the seal, which he
+was forced to surrender. His misfortunes did not end here, for the Commons
+impeached him; and Clarendon, as if owning the not very soft impeachment,
+absconded to France, where he ended his days in exile.
+</p>
+<p>
+A change of ministry ensued on the downfall of Clarendon, and a Government
+was formed which gave rise to almost the only constitutional pun which we
+find recorded in history. The cabinet received the name of the Cabal, from
+the five initial letters of the names of the quintette to whom public
+affairs were intrusted. This great national acrostic deserves better
+treatment than it has hitherto received at the hands of the historians;
+and taking down our rhyming dictionary from the cupboard in which it had
+been shelved, we proceed to invest the political <i>jeu d'esprit</i> with
+the dignity of poetry.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+C was a Clifford, the Treasury's chief;
+
+A was an Arlington, brilliant and brief;
+
+B was a Buckingham&mdash;horrible scamp;
+
+A was an Ashley, of similar stamp;
+
+L was a Lauderdale, Buckingham's pal.
+
+Now take their initials to form a Cabal.
+</pre>
+<p>
+These five individuals looked upon politics as a trade, and principles as
+the necessary capital, which must be tinned over and over again in order
+to realise extraordinary profits. They were all of them out-pensioners on
+the bounty of France, and they soon persuaded Charles that it was better
+to receive a fixed salary from abroad, than trust for his supplies to the
+caprice of a Parliament. The king, therefore, intrigued with several
+States at the same moment, and was taking money from two or three
+different Governments, on the strength of treaties with each, some of
+which he all the while intended to violate. He nevertheless did not
+disdain the money of his own people, and extracted a sum of �310,000 from
+the public pocket, in the shape of a supply from Parliament.
+</p>
+<p>
+The domestic proceedings of the king were always of the most disreputable
+kind, and he had lately taken up with one Mary or Molly Davies, a jig
+dancer, who pretended to come of a very ancient family in Moldavia. This
+wretched little ballet-girl was introduced at Court by the king, who was
+positively ambitious of being thought rather "fast," an epithet which is
+generally bestowed on loose characters. He had also formed an intimacy
+with Eleanor, or Nell Gwynne, originally a vendor of "oranges, apples,
+nuts, and pears," but subsequently an actress; and it was said at the time&mdash;which
+is some excuse perhaps for our saying it again&mdash;that Eleanor sounded
+the knell of older favourites. Lady Castlemaine, who went by the name of
+"the lady," was cut by the king in favour of the fruit girl and the
+figurante.
+</p>
+<p>
+Notwithstanding the rivalry to which "the lady" was exposed, her influence
+over the mind of Charles&mdash;if we may be allowed the allegory&mdash;was
+still very considerable; and in the year 1670, which was very soon after
+Miss M. Davies had danced herself into the good graces of the king, he
+conferred the title of Duchess of Cleveland on Lady Castlemaine. As many
+of our aristocratic families are fond of tracing their origin to its very
+remotest source, we shall perhaps be thanked for assisting some of them in
+the search to find the root of their nobility. We, however, decline the,
+to us, wholly uninteresting task, for we are quite content to take our
+peerage as it comes, and estimate its members for their personal worth,
+without reference to their ancestors. We certainly should not value the
+vinegar in our cruet any the more if we knew it comprised within it a
+dissolved pearl, nor should we treasure a lump of charcoal on account of
+its supposed relationship to some late lamented diamond.
+</p>
+<p>
+With our accustomed fairness, we on the other hand have no wish to throw a
+degraded and abandoned ancestry into the faces of those who do not presume
+upon birth, but are decently thankful for its worldly advantages. It is
+only when we find rank turning up its nose at all inferior stations that
+we feel delight in seizing the offending snout, and driving home the iron
+ring, to show a connection between the proboscis of pride and the humbler
+materials of humanity.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0049" id="link2HCH0049"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE SECOND. CHARLES THE SECOND (CONTINUED).
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0195" id="linkimage-0195"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/578m.jpg" alt="578m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/578.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">C</span>HARLES opened Parliament in person, on the 14th of February, 1670; and,
+in imitation of Louis the Fourteenth, introduced some soldiers into the
+procession, which had hitherto, in England, been limited to the boys, the
+beef-eaters, and the blackguards. The speech from the throne had one
+advantage over those of our own day, for it was perfectly intelligible,
+inasmuch as it told the Commons in very plain terms that Charles "must
+have cash"&mdash;a necessity he shared with the bankrupt linendrapers and
+the cheap crockery dealers of a much later era. Taxation was therefore the
+order of the day, and after putting a tax on everything in the shape of
+property or income, it was proposed to attempt the forcing of a
+sanguineous extract from stone, by putting a tax on actors' salaries.
+This, however, was so preposterous an idea that it was not followed up;
+for unless the poor players had been allowed to pay the impost in gallery
+checks leaden damps, and the other rubbish that forms the currency of the
+stage, the taxes received from the dramatic fraternity would have given
+the collectors a sinecure. Though enough money to pay off the National
+Debt is frequently distributed in a single scene by a stage
+philanthropist, or left by an old uncle in the course of "a tag" to a
+farce, there would be little prospect of the business of the country being
+carried on if the supplies were contingent on such resources as those
+which the actors dispose of with the most lavish generosity.
+</p>
+<p>
+The early part of the session was signalised by a frightful example that
+was made of Sir John Coventry, who had ventured upon a joke&mdash;an
+undertaking at all times perilous, and frequently entailing upon the
+manufacturer the most alarming consequences. Sir John endeavoured to be
+witty on the subject of a tax, but the joke, which is happily lost in the
+mist of ages, was of so wretched a description that a conspiracy was
+actually formed for the purpose of bringing the perpetrator to punishment.
+The joke had reference to a private matter into which it was thought
+Coventry had no right to poke his nose, and this being the offending
+feature, was severely handled by his assailants, who took hold of it as a
+prominent point, and savagely maltreated it. This was a specimen of the
+practical joking adopted by the "fast men" of the time of Charles the
+Second, but the king was obliged to affect disapprobation of such an act,
+and a law against cutting and maiming was immediately passed, to protect
+all future noses from the fate that had placed Coventry's nose in the
+hands of those with whom he had fallen into bad odour.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the same year the notorious Colonel Blood provided matter for the
+penny-a-liner of his own day, and the historian of ours, by two or three
+crimes of a very audacious character. One of these was to waylay the Duke
+of Ormond as he was returning from a dinner-party in the city, and was,
+from that very circumstance, most unlikely to be in a fit state to defend
+himself. His grace was placed upon a horse, and carried towards Tyburn,
+but his coachman having undertaken to overtake Blood, soon came up, to the
+consternation of the latter, who could not understand what the former was
+driving at. Blood, finding the coachman had the whip hand of him, oozed
+quietly away, but being incapable of keeping out of mischief, he was soon
+detected in an attempt to steal the Crown jewels from the Tower. This act
+of crowning audacity, as the merry monarch lugubriously termed it, induced
+Charles to wish to "regale himself," as he said, "with the sight of a
+fellow who could be bold enough to attempt to steal the <i>regalia</i>."
+The monarch, who had a sort of sympathy with blackguardism of every
+description, was mightily taken with Blood, whose bluntness made him pass
+for a very sharp blade, and the ruffian was not only allowed to go at
+large, but received grants of land without the smallest ground for such a
+mark of royal favour.
+</p>
+<p>
+Charles and his people did not go on together in a spirit of mutual
+confidence, for from a sort of instinctive appreciation of his own
+demerits, he was afraid to trust his subjects, while they reciprocated
+that distrust, from a due sense of the king's worthlessness. He had
+therefore entered into some foreign alliances, of which he was fearful
+they would disapprove, and he had accordingly prorogued the Parliament, in
+the cowardly spirit of a man who, having some bills he cannot meet,
+declines meeting his creditors. Supplies were, however, necessary, and
+these he secured by going down to the Exchequer, which he robbed of every
+farthing deposited there by the merchants, who had been in the habit of
+leaving their loose cash in the hands of the Government, at a handsome
+rate of interest. When remonstrated with on the subject of this
+disgraceful robbery, he defended himself on the <i>aide-toi</i> principle,
+declaring we were always told to help ourselves, and that he had
+accordingly helped himself to all he could lay his hands upon.
+</p>
+<p>
+Being now in league with France, England waged war upon Holland, but the
+Dutch metal of that country soon displayed itself. The nation found in
+William, Prince of Orange, a leader who did not give exactly the quarter
+implied in his name, but was merciful as far as circumstances would permit
+to all his enemies. He expected sympathy from the English Parliament,
+which Charles was afraid to call until he found himself without a penny in
+his pocket, just like the acknowledged scamp of domestic life, as
+represented in the British Drama. The impossibility of proceeding without
+supplies urged the king to take the dreaded step, and the writs for
+summoning the Commons should have been couched in the old popular form,
+commencing, "Dilly, dilly, come and be killed," for the Commons were only
+called together to be victimised. It is a beautiful fact in natural
+history, that even the donkey will kick when his patience is too sorely
+tried; and the Commons, who had been wretchedly subservient during Charles
+the Second's reign, began at last to show symptoms of opposition under the
+insults they experienced. They were angry at the war with Holland, and
+threatened to impeach Buckingham; but Charles, comforting his favourite
+with the exclamation, "Don't be alarmed, my Buck!" took the utmost pains
+to screen him. A negotiation was commenced for a peace with Holland, but
+this was after all nothing better than a Holland blind, for Charles's
+predilection for a French alliance was still perceptible. This occasioned
+much dissatisfaction, and the people, being in the habit of frequenting
+coffee-houses, talked about the matter over their cups, and were very
+saucy over their saucers, which induced Charles to order the closing of
+all those places where temperate refreshment was obtainable. Thousands to
+whom coffee and bread and butter formed a daily, and in many cases an only
+meal, were horrified at this arrangement; while many who, not having a
+steak in the country, got a chop in town, were disgusted beyond measure at
+the order, which extended to taverns as well as to tea and coffee shops. A
+mandate which would have dashed the muffin from the mouth of moderation,
+and turned all the tea into another channel, was certain not to be obeyed,
+and the doors of the marts for Mocha in your own mugs&mdash;a term
+synonymous with mouths&mdash;continued open as usual.
+</p>
+<p>
+Urged by the remonstrances and clamour of the people, Charles entered into
+an alliance with William, Prince of Orange, who married the Princess Mary,
+the eldest daughter of James, the young lady being used, like so much of
+the cement distinguished as "Poo-Loo's," for the purpose of mending the
+breakages that had occurred on both sides. William was as deep as Charles,
+and soon began to pooh! pooh! the idea of having cemented, <i>� la</i>
+Poo-Loo, a rupture of such long standing, and he positively refused to
+fall into Charles's projects.
+</p>
+<p>
+The state of Scotland was not more satisfactory than that of England at
+this time, for the Covenanters were striving vigorously against the
+constituted authorities, both civil and ecclesiastical. Lauderdale, who
+represented the king, enrolled twenty thousand militiamen; but had he
+enrolled, or rolled up in old coats, as many scarecrows, they would have
+been quite as serviceable as the new soldiery.
+</p>
+<p>
+Charles is informed of a plot against his precious life.
+</p>
+<p>
+The recent regicide having caused a reaction in favour of royalty, it
+became a common trick with the king's party to get up a report of the
+intended assassination of Charles the Second, whenever the stock of
+popularity was running rather short, and the people seemed to be getting
+dissatisfied with the Government.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0196" id="linkimage-0196"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/581m.jpg" alt="581m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/581.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+In the absence of real objects of suspicion, there is never any difficulty
+among Englishmen in drawing upon their inventive resources for materials
+to make a panic, whether monetary, political, or otherwise; and about the
+year 1670 rumour was very busy in manufacturing all sorts of plots against
+the life of the sovereign. On the morning of the 13th of August, which
+happened to be one of the dog days, Charles was walking with his dogs in
+the park, when Kirby, the chemist&mdash;a highly respectable man, but an
+egregious blockhead&mdash;drew to the monarch's side, and whispered in the
+royal ear, "Keep within the company; your enemies have a design upon your
+life, and you may be shot in this very walk." Charles, who was a little
+flurried, desired to know the meaning of this warning, when Kirby the
+chemist offered to produce one Doctor Tongue, a weak-minded and credulous
+old parson, who said he had heard that two fellows, named Grove and
+Pickering, were making arrangements for smashing Charles on the very first
+opportunity. This tongue was so exceedingly slippery that he could not be
+believed; but to keep himself out of a pickle, he brought a pile of
+papers, containing a copious account of the alleged conspiracy. He alleged
+that he had found them pushed under his door; but we cannot very easily
+believe that any conspirators would have been so foolish as to go about,
+dropping promiscuously into letter-boxes, or thrusting under street doors,
+the proofs of their designs on the sovereign.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0197" id="linkimage-0197"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/582m.jpg" alt="582m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/582.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Upon further inquiry being prosecuted, it turned out that a low fellow,
+named Titus Oates, was at the bottom of this plot, to raise the
+apprehensions of the public. Oates was a man of straw, the son of an
+anabaptist preacher; and our antiquarian recollections have reminded us,
+that from the extraordinary propensity of Oates to deceive by false
+representations, the application of the term "chaff" to stories at
+variance with fact, most likely owes its origin. Happy had it been for
+many in those days, if Oates had been so dealt with, that the chaff had
+been all thrashed out of him. The fellow is described by a writer of the
+period, as "a low man of an ill cut and very short neck," with a mouth in
+the middle of his face; "whereas," says the old biographer, "the nose
+should always form the scenter."
+</p>
+<p>
+"If you had put a compass between his lips," continues the quaint
+chronicler we quote, "you might have swept his nose, forehead, and chin
+within the same diameter." This places the nasal organ in a high, but
+certainly not a very proud position, bringing it nearly flush with the
+eyes, and making it a sort of inverted comma on the summit of that index
+which the face is said to afford to the human character.
+</p>
+<p>
+The stories got up by Oates were of the most elaborately absurd
+description, betraying an equal ignorance of grammar, geography, and every
+other branch of information, polite or otherwise. He contradicted himself
+over and over again, but this only rendered his story the more marvellous,
+and as the lower orders of English were always fond of the most
+extravagant fictions, the terrific tales of Oates were not too absurd to
+be swallowed. He became the most successful political novelist ever known,
+and received a pension of �1,200 a year, besides lodgings in Whitehall, by
+way of recognition for his services in contributing to the amusement of
+the people, by frightening them out of their propriety.
+</p>
+<p>
+The success of Oates induced a number of imitators, each of whom contrived
+to discover a plot to murder the king, with a complete set of written
+documents, to prove the existence of the foul conspiracy. One of these
+speculators on royal and public credulity was a man named William Bedloe,
+a fellow who, having failed as a thief, and been detected as a cheat,
+attempted to repair his fortunes by turning patriot. With the usual
+injudicious energy of mere imitation, he went much further than even Oates
+himself in the audacity of his statements. These two miscreants between
+them sent many innocent people to the scaffold, for if Oates only hinted
+his suspicion of a plot, Bealoe was at hand to swear to the persons
+involved in it. As surely as Oates declared his knowledge of some intended
+assassination, Bedloe would come forward to indicate not only the
+assassins themselves, but to point to the very weapons they would have
+used, when, if it was replied they did not belong to the parties against
+whom the charge was made, he would not scruple to swear that the
+instruments would have been purchased on the next day for the deadly
+purpose. All the rules of evidence were outraged without the slightest
+remorse, and poor Starkie * would have gone stark, staring mad, could he
+have witnessed the flagrant violations of those principles which he has
+expounded with so much ability.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Starkie and Phillips are, at this day, the two
+acknowledged authorities on the Law of Evidence.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The Parliament which sat during these proceedings, was in existence for
+seventeen years, and has gained, or rather has deserved, an undying
+reputation by the passing of the Habeas Corpus Act. This glorious statute
+prohibited the sending of anyone to prison beyond the sea, and allowed
+anyone in jail to insist on being carried before a judge to inquire the
+cause of his detention. A troublesome captive might therefore, by
+pretending never to be satisfied with the explanation of the court, keep
+running perpetually backwards and forwards to ascertain the reason of his
+captivity. The Oates conspiracy had not yet undergone the winnowing which
+the breath of public opinion&mdash;universally right, in the long run&mdash;was
+sure at one time or another to bestow, when a new affair, called the
+Meal-Tub Plot, burst on the attention of the community. A fellow of the
+name of Dangerfield affected to have discovered a new field of danger in
+an alleged design to set up a new form of government. This reprobate had
+been in the pillory, where it is believed the quantity of eggs that met
+his eye gave him the notion of hatching a plot, and he obtained the
+assistance of one Cellier, a midwife, to bring the project into existence.
+There was something very melodramatic in the mode of getting up
+accusations of treason in the days of Dangerfield, for it was only
+necessary to drop some seditious papers in a man's house, or stuff the
+prospectus of a revolution into his pocket, in order to make him
+responsible for all the consequences of a crime he had perhaps never
+dreamed about. Colonel Mansel was the intended victim in the Dangerfield
+affair; and some excise officers who had been sent to his lodgings under
+the pretence of being ordered to search for contraband goods, found the
+heads of a conspiracy cut and dried, crammed in among his bed-clothes. The
+colonel succeeded in showing that he had nothing to do with the
+transaction, and declared that, "as he had made his bed, so was he content
+to lie upon it." His words carried conviction home to the minds of all,
+and Dangerfield was obliged to admit the imposture he had practised; but
+he confessed another conspiracy, the particulars of which were found
+regularly written out and deposited in a meal-tub in the house of Cellier,
+the midwife.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0198" id="linkimage-0198"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/584m.jpg" alt="584m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/584.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+It is evident from numerous instances, that conspirators in those days
+were very apt to carry their designs no further than committing them to
+paper, and carefully depositing in some place or other the records of
+their crime, so that in case of detection the evidence against themselves
+would be complete and irresistible. Thus had the plotters with whom
+Dangerfield had been acting in concert, put away in a meal-tub the
+evidence of their intended proceedings, for no other purpose which we can
+perceive than the ultimate finding of the documents, and the furtherance
+of the ends of justice in the true poetical fashion. Lady Powis was
+implicated in this affair, and was sent to the Tower; but the Grand Jury
+ignored the bill against her, while Cellier, the midwife, who had aided in
+the miserable abortion, was tried and acquitted at the Old Bailey.
+</p>
+<p>
+The rumour, or the reality of conspiracies against the royal family, did
+not prevent Charles from throwing himself into the pleasures, or rather
+the dissipations for which his Court was remarkable. Though political
+liberty was exceedingly scarce during this reign, he did not discourage
+the taking of liberties in private life, among those who formed the
+society by which he was surrounded. The palace was one continued scene of
+that degrading excitement which passes sometimes by the name of gaiety,
+and nearly every evening was devoted to that sort of entertainment which
+is sought by the snobs and shop-boys of our own day in the casinos and
+masked balls. The "fast" mania, which thrusts at this moment the penny
+cheroot between the lips of infancy, drags the clerk from the desk to the
+dancing rooms, and perhaps urges his felonious hand to his master's till,
+had in the time of Charles the Second corrupted the whole nation, from the
+highest to the lowest, so that even the best society&mdash;and bad indeed
+was the best&mdash;bore the impress of the example that was furnished by
+the king himself. The palace balls were accordingly conducted in a manner
+that would disgrace the humblest of modern hops, and in these days deprive
+of its licence any place of public entertainment where such behaviour
+would be permitted by the conductors of the establishment.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0199" id="linkimage-0199"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/585m.jpg" alt="585m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/585.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0050" id="link2HCH0050"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE THIRD. CHARLES THE SECOND (CONTINUED).
+</h2>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>HE Duke of York, the king's brother, being an acknowledged Papist, the
+people began to look out for a Protestant successor, and turned their eyes
+upon young Monmouth, a natural son of Charles, who was almost a natural in
+more respects than one, for his mental capacity was more&mdash;or less&mdash;than
+dubious. He was, indeed, a good-looking idiot, and nothing more; but,
+coming after such a king as Charles, the nation might have been satisfied
+with him; and, to oblige York, the fellow was formally declared
+illegitimate. The prosecution of the Catholics was carried on with
+unabated animosity; and several, among whom was the aged Lord Stafford,
+were put to death, under the pretence of advancing the cause of "peace and
+goodness."
+</p>
+<p>
+The particulars of the sacrifice of Stafford afford such a faithful sample
+of the mode in which justice was administered in the reign of Charles the
+Second, that, converting ourselves into "our own reporter," we give a
+brief sketch of the trial. The defendant in the action, which was in the
+nature of an impeachment, was accused of high treason, and the three
+witnesses against him were Oates, Dug-dale, and Turberville, three scamps
+who made a regular business&mdash;and a very profitable one&mdash;of
+giving false evidence. Oates swore he had seen somebody deliver a document
+signed by somebody else, appointing Stafford paymaster to some army, which
+at some time or other was going to be got together somehow, somewhere, for
+the purpose of doing something against the Government, and in favour of
+the Catholics. Dugdale swore that the accused had engaged him, Dugdale, to
+murder the king at so much a week, with the offer of a saintdom in the
+next year's almanack. Turberville swore ditto to Dugdale, and though
+Stafford was able to disprove their evidence in many very important
+points, the trio of perjurers had gone so boldly to work that there was a
+large balance of accusation remaining over that could not be upset, in
+consequence of the unfortunate impossibility of proving a negative.
+</p>
+<p>
+Stafford succeeded in damaging the credit of the witnesses, but as they
+came forward professedly in the character of hard swearers, who, so as
+they got the prisoners executed, were indifferent about being believed,
+the attack on their reputations affected them very little. The unhappy
+prisoner was so taken aback by the effrontery of his accusers, that he
+hardly gave himself a fair chance in his defence, which consisted chiefly
+of ejaculations expressive of wonder at the excessive impudence and
+audacity of the witnesses. Such exclamations as "Well, I'm sure! what
+next?" though natural enough under the circumstances, did not make up,
+when all put together, a very eloquent speech for the defence, and after a
+trial of six days' duration, the Peers, by a majority of twenty-four,
+found poor Stafford guilty.
+</p>
+<p>
+Sentence of death was passed upon him, but the more ignominious portion of
+the punishment having been remitted by the king's order, the two sheriffs
+were seized with a most sanguinary fit of system, and objected to the
+omission of hanging and quartering, because, as they said, the leaving out
+of these barbarities would be altogether irregular. In order to satisfy
+the scruples of these very punctilious gentlemen, the Peers pronounced
+them "over nice," and the Commons passed a resolution of indemnity, by
+which the sheriffs were made aware that they would not be considered to
+have "scamped" their work, if they merely cut off Stafford's head without
+proceeding to the more artistical details of butchery.
+</p>
+<p>
+Stafford died nobly, and the fickle populace, who had howled for his
+condemnation, began sighing and grieving at his fate; but as all this
+sympathy was almost in the nature of a <i>post obit</i>, it was of little
+or no value to the nobleman on whose behalf it was contributed. The
+executioner himself turned tender-hearted at the last moment, and twice
+raised the fatal axe, but a coarse brute near him on the scaffold&mdash;perhaps
+one of the thwarted sheriffs&mdash;desired the headsman not to make two
+bites at a cherry, and the blow was forthwith administered.
+</p>
+<p>
+These excesses of the Parliament caused even the dissolute Charles to <i>try</i>,
+the effect of dissolution; but there was no going on for any length of
+time without a House of Commons to vote the supplies; and the king,
+thinking to withdraw the legislature from the influence of London mobs,
+appointed the next to be held at Oxford. This a arrangement gave great
+dissatisfaction to the opposition, and both parties came as if prepared
+for a battle, the speakers on each side being, no doubt, abundantly
+supplied with the leaden ammunition that is customarily used for debating
+purposes. It was during the party bickerings prevailing about this time,
+that the definitions, since so famous&mdash;and sometimes so infamous&mdash;of
+Whig and Tory, were first hit upon. The former was given to the popular
+party, merely because it had been given to some other popular party, in
+some other place, at some previous time, and the latter was given to the
+courtiers, because some Popish banditti in Ireland had been once called
+Tories; * but why they had been, or why, if they had been, the courtiers
+of Charles the Second's time need have been, are points that the reader's
+ingenuity must serve him to elucidate.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Somebody, who was of course a nobody, says the word Tory
+is derived from <i>Torrco</i>, to roost, because the Tories were
+always clever at roasting their antagonists.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The king had usually been civil enough to his Parliaments, but on the
+occasion of the assembly at Oxford he determined to speak his mind, and
+his speech, being a reflection of his mind, was of course very rambling
+and irregular. He complained of the last Parliament having been
+refractory, and expressed a hope that the "present company" would know how
+to behave themselves. He disavowed all idea of acting in an arbitrary
+manner himself, but he was thoroughly determined not to be "put upon" by
+any one else; and so now they knew what he meant, and he trusted that no
+misunderstanding would arise to mar their efforts for the public benefit.
+The Commons listened to all this with a few mental "Oh, indeed's!" "Dear
+me's!" "No! 'Pon your honour's!" and "You don't say so's!" but they were
+not in the least over-awed, and they set to work exactly in the old way to
+choose the same Speaker and adopt the same measures as the last
+Parliament, of which many of them had been members.
+</p>
+<p>
+The new Parliament was of course found by Charles to be no better than any
+of its predecessors, and when it was a week old he jumped into a sedan
+chair, had the crown put under the seat, and the sceptre slung across the
+back, when, in reply to the chairman's inquiry, "Where to, your honour?"
+the sovereign with a dignified voice, directed that he might be run down
+to the place where Parliament was sitting. This was the morning of the
+28th of March, and Charles, bursting into the hall where the Lords had
+met, dissolved the fifth and the last of his Parliaments.
+</p>
+<p>
+This proceeding, which, in the days of a monarchy's decline, would have
+been exclaimed against as highly unconstitutional, was hailed as a piece
+of vigour at a time when royalty, having been recently maltreated, united
+in its favour the general sympathies. Charles, finding that courage was
+likely to tell, became very liberal of its exercise, and began to abuse
+the opponents of his policy with more than common energy. "There is
+nothing like taking the bull by the horns," Charles would say to his
+intimate friends, "and John Bull especially should be taken by the horns,
+to prevent his making unpleasant use of them."
+</p>
+<p>
+Shortly after the dissolution, Charles brought out for general perusal a
+justification of the course he had thought proper to pursue; for, like
+many other people in the world, he first took a step, and then began to
+look for the reasons of his having taken it. The opposition brought out a
+reply, written by Messrs. Somers, Sydney, and Jones, but it did not sell,
+and as these gentlemen could not afford to give it away, it had very
+little influence. Charles managed to get a number of addresses presented
+to him, congratulating him on his deliverance from the republicans, but
+the Lord Mayor and Common Council having come down to Windsor with an
+address of a different kind, were told that the king was not at home, but
+they had better go to Hampton Court. On their arriving at the latter
+address there was a great deal of whispering among the royal servants, who
+would give no other information than the words "Yes, yes; it's all right!"
+At length, upon a signal from above, a domestic exclaimed, "Now, then,
+gentlemen, you may walk up;" and on going into a room on the first floor,
+they found the Lord Chancellor sitting there, looking as black as thunder.
+His lordship, putting on a voice to match his countenance, began asking
+them how they dared to come with anything like a remonstrance to their
+sovereign; and the Lord Mayor, with the Common Council, slinking timidly
+out of the room, made the best of their way back to the point they had
+started from.
+</p>
+<p>
+A few more plots of an insignificant character were got up against the
+Government, but met with no success; and the Bye-House conspiracy, so
+called perhaps from the wry faces the parties put on when they were found
+out, stands out from among the rest, which have been long ago buried under
+their own insignificance. Some have suggested that the Bye-House plot was
+a name invented as a kind of sequel to the notion of Oates, and the
+conspiracy of the Meal-Tub; but the hypothesis is far too trifling for us
+to dwell upon. As it has taken a position of some importance in history,
+we must furnish a few particulars of this Bye-House plot, which in the old
+nursery song, * taking for its theme the domestic arrangements of royalty,
+seems to have had a slight foreshadowing.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* "Sing a song of sixpence,
+A pocket full of rye."
+</pre>
+<p>
+On the 12th of June, 1683, one Josiah Keyling, who had formerly been a
+red-hot Whig, and was by trade a salter, was seized with the infamous idea
+of applying his skill in business to the affairs of his country, which he
+resolved to put, if he could, into a precious pickle. He went to Lord
+Dartmouth, for the purpose of revealing a conspiracy that had been formed
+to take away the king's life; and he declared one Burton, a decayed
+cheesemonger, Thompson, a carver, who had been trying to carve his own
+fortunes in vain, and Barber, an instrument-maker, as his accomplices in
+the intended act of regicide. They were all to have gone down to the house
+of one Bumbold, a maltster, at a place called the Bye, where they were to
+have taken a chop, and cut off the king and his brother on their return
+from Newmarket. They were to have purchased blunderbusses, but, perhaps by
+some blunder, missing the 'bus, the London conspirators never left town,
+and did not arrive at the "little place" of Bumbold the maltster. The
+disclosures made by Keyling included, at first, a few names only; but, as
+a brother historian * has well and playfully suggested, "he subsequently
+went into a regular <i>crescendo</i> movement," and indulged in an <i>ad
+libitum</i>, introducing several new accompaniments to the strain he had
+originally adopted, besides adding new circumstances and dragging in new
+persons into his accusation, without the slightest regard to harmony of
+detail. He at length went off into a <i>largo</i> of such wide and
+unmeasured scope, that he included William Lord Russell in the charges
+made, and his lordship was committed to the Tower.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Macfarlane's Cabinet History of England, vol. xiii., p.
+142.
+</pre>
+<p>
+Lord Grey, who was also accused, was rather more fortunate; for, having
+been taken in the first instance to the home of the jailor, he had the
+satisfaction of finding that official reeling about in a state of helpless
+drunkenness. Lord Grey, perceiving that the functionary who had charge of
+him was not in a situation to appreciate any consideration that might be
+shown to him, quietly walked out at the door-way of the serjeant's house,
+and jumping into a boat on the Thames, hailed a ship for Holland. Lord
+Howard of Escrick, another of the alleged conspirators, was pulled neck
+and heels down a chimney, into which he had climbed for concealment, in
+his house at Knights-bridge. His character has been blackened almost as
+much as his dress, by this ignoble act, for it is recorded of him that
+when pulled out from the grate, he looked fearfully little. He trembled,
+sobbed, and wept, or in other words, had a regular good cry, and the tears
+forming channels through the soot, rendered his aspect exceedingly
+ludicrous. He at once confessed that he did not come out of the affair
+with clean hands, but he was guilty of the very dirty trick of implicating
+many of his own friends and kindred by his pusillanimous confession.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0200" id="linkimage-0200"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/591m.jpg" alt="591m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/591.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Besides other less illustrious victims, Lord Russell was sacrificed; and
+his kinsman Howard, whom we have just had the pleasure of dragging before
+the world from the chimney into which he had slunk, was one of the
+witnesses against the nobleman we have mentioned. Russell behaved with
+great dignity throughout his trial and during its fatal result; but the
+execution was scarcely over, when the town rang with his last speech, of
+whioh some enterprising Catnach of the period had obtained the manuscript.
+It was actually in print before the fated event took place; but there is
+every reason to believe that it was genuine, for speculation had not in
+those days learned to anticipate reports, notwithstanding the occurrence
+of the events described in them having been by some accident prevented.
+</p>
+<p>
+Individuals of lesser note than Russell were condemned to share his fate,
+and among them was one Rouse, who was executed at Tyburn for having
+endeavoured to house the populace. A declaration, containing a narrative
+of the Rye-House plot, was published by the king, who was exceedingly fond
+of performing the office of his own historian. It enabled him to "touch
+up" the events in which he himself was concerned, and give them a
+colouring favourable to himself; but happily for the cause of truth, notes
+were being taken on its behalf, and materials were thus collected for such
+truthful chronicles as those the reader's eye now rests upon.
+</p>
+<p>
+The trial and death of Algernon Sidney, the last of the Commonwealth men,
+took place soon after Russell's execution. Though it is to be hoped that
+few people in these days can be ignorant of the character of this
+remarkable man, yet there may be a section of the British public from whom
+will have burst the cry of "Sidney! Who is Sidney?" directly we mentioned
+him. Sidney then&mdash;we state the fact for the benefit of the benighted
+classes&mdash;was son of the Earl of Leicester, and had always been a
+republican, and had been named one of the judges on the trial of the king;
+but he was either too lazy or too loyal to take his seat amongst-them. He
+opposed Cromwell's elevation, from which it might have been inferred that
+he would have had no objection to the Restoration; but he opposed that,
+and having nothing else to excite his resistance, he opposed himself by
+refusing to take advantage of a general bill of indemnity. He had been
+obliged to remain out of England, but finding that he was seriously
+opposing his own interest by his absence from home, he applied for the
+king's pardon, which was sent him by an early post, and he arrived in
+England with his protection in his pocket. Party spirit was running very
+high when Sidney returned, and he was not the man to do anything with a
+view to moderation, so that he was soon at his old trick of opposing the
+Government. He began talking largely about liberty, and he was really
+going on in a very improper way, for he fell into the common error of
+patriots, namely, that of spouting commonplace claptraps instead of
+attempting every legal means to bring about a reform of the evils that may
+be in need of remedy.
+</p>
+<p>
+Sidney now became a marked man, whom the royalists were determined to
+crush, and a pretext was speedily found for bringing him to trial. Several
+witnesses were brought forward to prove the existence of a plot; but what
+plot and what Sidney had to do with it, or whether he was concerned in it
+at all, did not form any part of the subject of the evidence. Having
+established a plot, the next thing to be done was to show that Sidney was
+at the head of it, and the abject Howard&mdash;no relation to the
+philanthropist&mdash;made his sixth or seventh appearance as a royalist
+witness for the purpose specified. According to law, it was necessary to
+have the testimony of a second person; but there were not two Howards in
+the world, and a supplementary scoundrel to swear away Sidney's life was
+nowhere to be met with.
+</p>
+<p>
+Some papers found in the house of the accused were examined in lieu of a
+second witness; and though this was a flagrant evasion of the law, the
+proceeding was pronounced by the infamous Jeffreys to be perfectly
+regular. He asserted that written documents were better than living
+witnesses, for the former could not give an evasive reply; but the
+judicial villain forgot that the papers, unless the writing happened to be
+crossed, would not admit of the test of cross-examination like other
+witnesses. Sidney pleaded that his hand-writing had not been proved; and
+that even supposing him to be the author of the documents, he might have
+been "only in fun;" but this was a frivolous excuse, for it is dear that
+if "only in fun" were a good plea, there would be great difficulty in
+getting over it. A verdict of "Guilty" was returned by a jury so
+discreditably packed, that the box in which they sat should have been
+called a packing-case.
+</p>
+<p>
+Judge Jeffreys "came out" exceedingly on the occasion of Sidney's sentence
+being passed, and insisted on proceeding to the last extremity,
+notwithstanding a mass of irregularities having been pointed out to him.
+Jeffreys would listen to nothing in the prisoner's favour; and upon one
+Mr. Bampfield, a barrister, venturing an opinion as <i>amicus curia</i>,
+that unhappy junior was smashed, snubbed, and silenced by the judge, who
+recommended the learned gentleman to confine himself to those points of
+practice upon which his opinion was required. The scene between Sidney and
+Judge Jeffreys degenerated into a mere personal squabble before the
+unhappy affair was concluded, and it ended in Jeffreys telling Sidney to
+keep cool, while the judge himself was boiling over with rage, and the
+prisoner tauntingly requested his "lordship" to feel his&mdash;the
+prisoner's&mdash;pulse, which the latter declared was more than usually
+temperate. Sidney followed the practice, prevalent at the time, of placing
+a paper in the hands of the sheriff by way of legacy on the scaffold; but
+we have been unable to account for the strange partiality felt by persons
+at the point of death for the individual principally concerned in their
+execution.
+</p>
+<p>
+Hampden was selected as the next victim to the political persecution so
+much in vogue during Charles's reign, but it was thought more profitable
+to fine this gentleman than to execute him, and he was adjudged to pay a
+penalty of �40,000, which added a large sum to the royal treasury, besides
+saving the executioner's fee and the cost of a scaffold. Judge Jeffreyss
+though balked in this instance of an opportunity for gratifying his
+sanguinary propensities, took his revenge upon some inferior prisoners,
+for it was his practice when one eluded the gallows by any chance, to hang
+two, as a poor compensation for the disappointment he had suffered.
+Professor Holloway, who had been concerned in the Rye-House plot, was
+accordingly condemned to death, with Sir Thomas Armstrong, who had had a
+small and very unprofitable share in the plot.
+</p>
+<p>
+Judge Jeffreys, who figured in these sanguinary transactions, was one of
+the most extraordinary specimens of ruffianism that the world ever
+produced; and if history&mdash;like Madame Tussaud&mdash;were to get up a
+Chamber of Horrors, Judge Jeffreys would certainly take his place in it by
+the side of Danton, Sawney Bean, Marat, Mrs. Brownrigg, and Robespierre.
+Before he went on circuit he used to say he was going to give the
+provinces "a lick with the rough side of his tongue"&mdash;a vulgar threat
+which he carried out to its fullest extent, for he not only used his
+tongue, but his teeth, in the lickings he administered to the unfortunate
+prisoners brought before him for trial. He was not much interested in dry
+points of law, and indeed he endeavoured to moisten them as much as he
+could by drinking copiously before he went into court, and he sometimes
+reeled about so unsteadily as he took his place on the bench, that a
+facetious usher of the period declared Jeffreys should be called the
+Master of the Rolls, for he was always rolling about from side to side
+when he approached the seat of judgment.
+</p>
+<p>
+The king endeavoured, by courting personal popularity, to avert from
+himself some of the odium that attached to nis creatures and his
+Government. Knowing that the suspicion of his entertaining Popish
+predilections was very much about, he married his niece, the Lady Anne, to
+Prince George of Denmark, a Protestant. No consideration would induce him,
+however, to call another Parliament, and though he was bothered for money
+on all sides, without the power of raising a supply, he preferred, as he
+said, "rubbing on," to the chance of getting some much harder rubs from
+the legislative body, in the event of one having been summoned. He greatly
+preferred doing just as he pleased with other people's money, to the
+annoyance of getting any of his own upon the conditions that a Parliament
+would certainly have attached to the grant of it. His credit being almost
+unlimited, he never wanted for anything that cash could procure; and he
+led a much more independent life by setting Parliament at defiance, and
+having nothing to thank it for, than he could have done had he called it
+together, and taken an annual supply, the amount of which would have been
+in some measure contingent on his good behaviour.
+</p>
+<p>
+Charles had become as absolute as the last case of a Latin noun, but he
+was not happy, and his gaiety beginning to forsake him, the picture of the
+sad dog was gloomily realised. He fell into a succession of fits of the
+blues, and on Monday, the 2nd of February, 1685, he put his hand to his
+head, turned very pale, and seemed to be in a very shaky condition. Dr.
+King, an eminent physician, with a taste for experimental philosophy, was
+sent for; but his experiments either failed, or were put off too long, for
+Charles fell on the floor as if dead when the doctor arrived to prescribe
+for him. Dr. King resolved on bleeding the royal patient, who came to as
+fast as he had gone off, and in a fit of generosity the Council ordered
+the surgeon �1000, which, in a fit of oblivion, was forgotten, and he was
+never paid anything. Perhaps payment may have been disputed, on the ground
+that the doctor's treatment had not been permanently effective, for a
+bulletin had scarcely been issued declaring the king out of danger, when
+it was found necessary to issue another bulletin declaring him in again.
+The physicians handed him over to the ministers of the church, but Charles
+would not have about him any Protestant divine, and the Duchess of
+Portsmouth then told it as a great secret to the French ambassador, that
+the king, at the bottom of his heart, was a Catholic. This information
+revealed two facts about which there might have been considerable doubt,
+namely, that the king possessed some religion, though it was the one which
+he had been during the whole of his reign persecuting and executing others
+for following; and secondly, that he had a heart sufficiently capacious
+for any moral or virtuous principle to lie at the bottom of.
+</p>
+<p>
+The moment the true character of Charles's faith was known to the French
+ambassador, he used his utmost ingenuity to smuggle a confessor to the
+death-bed of the sovereign. The English bishops, however, stuck to the
+expiring monarch so pertinaciously that no Romish priest could approach,
+until one Huddleston was hunted up, who had formerly been a Popish
+clergyman, but had so terribly neglected his business, that the office of
+confessor was quite strange to him. A wig and gown were put upon him to
+disguise him, and he was taken to a Portuguese monk to be "crammed" for
+the task he had to perform; and having been brought up the back staircase
+to the royal chamber, he got through the duty very respectably. Such was
+the disreputable imposture that was resorted to for supplying Charles the
+Second with the only religious assistance or consolation that he received
+before his dissolution. The Protestant bishops, who had been all hurried
+into the next room, did not know exactly what to make of it; but there
+were various whispers and shrewd suspicions current among the churchmen
+and the courtiers.
+</p>
+<p>
+Soon after his interview with Huddleston, who was huddled up in a cloak to
+get him out of the palace without being discovered, Charles got a little
+better, and sent for his illegitimate children to give them his blessing.
+A catalogue of these young ladies and gentlemen would occupy more space
+perhaps than they are worth, but it is sufficient perhaps to say, that
+Master Peg and Miss Peg, the king's son and daughter by Mrs. Catherine
+Peg, were absent from the family circle in consequence of their having
+died in their infancy. Master James Walters, the eldest of the group of
+naturals, who had been created Duke of Monmouth, was not mentioned by his
+father in his last illness; but little Charlie Lennox, the young Duke of
+Richmond, and his mother, the Duchess of Portsmouth&mdash;Mademoiselle
+Querouaille&mdash;were especially recommended to the Duke of York's
+attention. The dying reprobate had the good feeling to put in a word for
+Mrs. Eleanor Gwynne, the actress, ancestress of the noble house of St.
+Alban's; but as he only said, "Do not let poor Nelly starve," it does not
+seem that his views with regard to her were very munificent. The bishops,
+however, were scandalised <i>selon les r�gles</i> at even this brief
+allusion to the "poor player," who had invariably refused all titles of
+honour; but it is said that their holinesses were not nearly so much
+shocked at the mention of the Duchesses of Portland and Cleveland, who
+were morally not a bit better than Nell Gwynne, though they had
+electrotyped their infamy with rank, which formed in those days, as we are
+happy to say it does not in these, the only real substitute for virtue.
+</p>
+<p>
+At six in the morning of the 6th of February, 1685, Charles asked what
+o'clock it was, and requested those about him to open the curtains, that
+he might once more see daylight. Where he was to see it at that time of
+the morning in the darkest period of the year is, like the daylight
+itself, under such circumstances, not very visible. His senses, which must
+have been already wandering, were by ten o'clock quite gone, and at
+half-past eleven he expired without a struggle. He was in the fifty-fifth
+year of his age, and the twenty-fifth of his actual reign, though,
+according to legal documents, he was king for thirty-six years, inasmuch
+as while he was flying about from place to place, and perching upon trees
+to elude discovery, he was supposed, by a loyal fiction, to be still
+sitting on the throne of England.
+</p>
+<p>
+A report got abroad that Charles had been poisoned, but although this
+deadly operation had been performed on his mind by the evil and corrupt
+councillors into whose hands he fell after the death of Clarendon, there
+is no reason for believing that physical poisoning was the fate of this
+disreputable sovereign.
+</p>
+<p>
+The characters of the kings and queens it is our duty to pass in review
+give many a pang to our loyal bosom, and we regret to say that our heart
+has been perforated, nay, riddled to an alarming extent, by the melancholy
+riddle which the character of Charles presents to us. We will begin with
+him as a companion&mdash;not that we should be very anxious for his
+company; but because it was in the capacity of a companion that he
+presented the most amiable aspect. His manners were engaging; but as his
+engagements were scarcely ever kept, the quality in question was only
+calculated to lead to disappointment among those who had anything to do
+with him. His wit, raillery, and satire are said to have been first-rate,
+but we find none of his <i>bon-mots</i> recorded which would have been
+worth more than two pence a dozen to any regular dealer in jokes, though
+for private distribution they might have been a little more-valuable, on
+account of their royal authorship. For his private life he has found
+apologists in preceding historians * one of whom appears to imagine that
+the disgusting selfishness familiarly termed "jolly-dogism" is the highest
+social virtue of which human nature is capable. Charles was, we are told,
+a good father, but it was to those of whom he ought never to have been the
+father at all; a generous lover to those whom he could not make the
+objects of generosity without the grossest injustice to others; and a
+pleasing companion to those with whom he ought to have avoided all
+companionship. We do not concur in that sort of laxity which looks at the
+domestic ties as so many slip-knots that may hang about the wearer as
+loosely as he may find convenient.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* Hume calls him "an obliging husband."
+</pre>
+<p>
+For his public character, even those who admire him in his private
+relations have not ventured to offer any apology; and his utter disregard
+of the honour, the religion, the liberty, and the material interests of
+the nation over which he ruled cannot be made the subject of laudation. It
+is suggested that a certain reckless gaiety formed some excuse for his
+defects as a sovereign; but monarchy in sport becomes tyranny in earnest,
+when its affairs are conducted by a negligent and heartless libertine. His
+reign was one long hoax as far as religion was concerned, for he was a
+Catholic at heart while pursuing the Papists with the most cruel
+persecution; and though his behaviour towards that class would, under any
+circumstances, have been hateful, it seems doubly detestable when we
+remember that he was himself guilty of holding the opinions for which he
+sent so many to the scaffold.
+</p>
+<p>
+There can be no doubt that the fate of his father, and the disgust
+occasioned by the tyranny arising out of the ascendency of the rabid
+friends of freedom during the Commonwealth, were mainly instrumental in
+obtaining toleration for the vices and oppressive cruelties of Charles the
+Second. The dissatisfaction caused by the abuse of the royal power in the
+preceding reign must have burst out with more earnestness had it been kept
+bottled up until the accession of the libertine monarch, whose supposed
+sufferings during exile had attracted towards him a large share of
+sympathy. Had he comc to the throne in due course, without the
+intervention of a republic, he would have been swept off by a storm of
+general indignation; but the rebound of public feeling in favour of
+monarchy carried him in triumph to the same position that his father had
+occupied.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was remarked of Charles the Second, that he never said a foolish thing
+or ever did a wise one; an observation which either he&mdash;or some one
+for him&mdash;happily turned to account, by observing that his words were
+his own, while his acts where those of his ministry. He has left nothing
+very valuable to posterity, notwithstanding the alleged wit or wisdom of
+his words, for the only persons who have been able to turn him to
+profitable account are the dramatists, who have founded a few farces on
+the career of that sad scamp&mdash;the Merry Monarch.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0201" id="linkimage-0201"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/598m.jpg" alt="598m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/598.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0051" id="link2HCH0051"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE FOURTH. JAMES THE SECOND.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0202" id="linkimage-0202"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/599m.jpg" alt="599m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/599.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+HOUGH James had not been popular as heir-presumptive to the crown, he had
+no sooner got it on his head than loyal addresses poured in upon him from
+all sides, for the attachment manifested towards the throne on these
+occasions refers rather to the upholstery than to the individual. In his
+capacity of Duke of York, few would have exclaimed, "York, you're wanted!"
+to fill the regal office, but when he had once succeeded to it, every one
+was ready to declare that the diadem became him as if it had been
+expressly made for him.
+</p>
+<p>
+James and his wife were greatly puzzled about their coronation, for they
+had an objection to the ceremony being performed by a Protestant prelate,
+and unfortunately for them "No other was genuine, own conscience&mdash;a
+party, by the way, that is sometimes not very obstinate in coming to terms&mdash;James
+and his queen not only-accepted the crown from Protestant hands, but got
+over an awkward oath or two by means of some mental quibbles. As the crown
+was being put upon his head, it tottered and almost fell, which caused a
+bystander to paraphrase the old saying about the slip 'twixt cup and lip,
+exclaiming:
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+"There's many a mull
+'Twixt the crown and the skull,"
+</pre>
+<p>
+an observation that, happily for him who made it, was uttered in a tone
+that was scarcely audible.
+</p>
+<p>
+A few days after the coronation, Titus Oates was brought to the bar of the
+Queen's Bench to be tried over again, though he was already under sentence
+of perpetual imprisonment. James, however, was desirous of feeding his
+revenge on Oates, who had done his worst against the Catholics; and
+Jeffreys, that judicial flail, was set to work to administer to Oates a
+sound thrashing.
+</p>
+<p>
+The prisoner assumed a very bold front, and there was a sort of desperate
+restlessness in his manner, which got him the name of Wild Oates at the
+time he was undergoing his trial. He was convicted on two indictments, and
+ordered to pay a thousand marks in respect of each. "But," said the
+inhuman Jeffreys, "we will supply him with marks in return, for he shall
+be whipped from Aldgate to Newgate, and from Newgate to Tyburn." He was
+also granted a life interest, by way of annuity, in the pillory, where he
+was adjudged to stand five days every year, as long as he lived, and where
+voluntary contributions of eggs were shelled out in most unwelcome
+profusion by the populace.
+</p>
+<p>
+Parliament met on the 22nd of May, 1685, and James delivered a speech from
+the throne, with notes introduced <i>ad libitum</i>, and a running
+accompaniment of threats, remarkable for their extreme impudence. This
+effrontery had its effect, for the Commons, having retired to their
+chamber, voted him an income of a million and a quarter for his life, with
+other contingencies which only required asking for. The Court party
+supported him with zeal, and chiefly recommended him as a king that had
+never broken his word, which appears to have placed him in the light of a
+royal phenomenon. In the midst of all this comfortable and complimentary
+confidence between the Parliament and James, news arrived that Monmouth
+had landed in the west, with a tremendous standard, round which the mob,
+who will rush anywhere to see a flag fly, were rapidly rallying. Monmouth
+had only got a force of one hundred men by way of nucleus to a larger
+assemblage, or, in other words, as the tag to which the string of rag and
+bobtail would be most likely to attach itself. The rebellion raised by
+Monmouth was very soon put down, and Monmouth himself was found cowering
+at the bottom of a ditch, in the mud of which he must have expired, had it
+not been for an opponent of his dy-nasty, who would not leave him to die
+in such a very disagreeable manner. Poor Monmouth was taken, tried, and
+condemned; and, not to be out of fashion, he gave money to the headsman&mdash;thus
+paying the costs of his own execution even upon the scaffold.
+</p>
+<p>
+James proceeded to punish all whom he believed to be the enemies of his
+Government, with a sanguinary fury worthy of the revolutionary tribunals
+of France during the ascendency of Robespierre. Colonel Kirk, a soldier
+who had become savage by service at Tangier, and who, having once tasted
+blood, never knew when he had had enough of it, was sent to use the sword
+of war upon real or suspected rebels, while Jeffreys hacked about him
+right and left with the sword of justice. The king himself, with brutal
+appreciation of the judge's ferocious career, gave it the name of
+"Jeffreys' campaign," and this disgrace to the ermine inflamed by drink
+the natural fierceness of his character. He hiccuped out sentences of
+death with an idiotic stare of counterfeit solemnity, and he rolled about
+the Bench in such a disgraceful manner, that a junior, who had nothing to
+do in court but make bad jokes, observed that Jeffreys could never have
+acted as a standing counsel, and it was, therefore, lucky for him that he
+had been raised to a post of dignity which he could conveniently lean
+against. This monster in judicial form was elevated to the office of Lord
+Chancellor, with the title of Baron Wem, on the death of Lord Keeper
+North; when, by way of earning his promotion, Jeffreys went hanging away
+at a much more rapid rate than before, and the only misfortune was, that
+there was not sufficient rope for him to hang himself, notwithstanding the
+abundance of that material which was supplied to him. Jeffreys added to
+the trade of a butcher the less sanguinary pursuits of bribery and
+corruption, which enabled him to make a certain sum per head of the
+prisoners, while their heads remained upon their shoulders. He and Father
+Petre, the king's confessor, divided �6000 paid by Hampden, who was in
+gaol, to put aside a capital charge of high treason with which he had been
+threatened; and poor Prideaux, a barrister who had talked himself into the
+Tower by an unfortunate "gift of the gab," purchased his impunity for
+�1500, the probable amount of his entire life's professional earnings.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Marquess of Halifax had sat at the council board for some time with
+Rochester, who, though swearing from morning till night, and drunk from
+night till morning, was the recognised head of the high church party, and
+the great hope of the religious section of the community. Halifax, not
+exactly liking the projects of his royal master, and the character of his
+colleague, turned a little refractory; and being dismissed from office,
+became in the natural order of things the leader of the opposition. His
+hostility told even upon the haughty Jeffreys, who was made to perform the
+unpleasant operation of biting the dust&mdash;a fate to which those who
+are always opening their mouths and showing their teeth are necessarily
+reduced when they are brought to a prostrate condition. James was so much
+disgusted and disappointed that he dissolved the Parliament, to avoid
+further discussion, thus as it were turning off the gas by which a light
+was being thrown upon his own real views and character.
+</p>
+<p>
+The undisguised object of James was to Catholicise the whole country by
+dismissing from office all who had the slightest shade of Protestantism in
+their principles; and even Rochester, the head of the high church party,
+having got argumentative and disputatious over his drink, was turned out
+of the council. This ejectment was judicious in the main, though the
+immediate cause for it scarcely warranted the act; but the council room
+had been little better than a public-house parlour during the whole time
+that Rochester had been suffered to sit in it. James next drew up a
+declaration of liberty of conscience, to be read in all the churches, but
+the bishops, with very great spirit, resisted the introduction of the
+obnoxious document. They were consequently summoned on a charge of high
+misdemeanor before the King's Bench, when Jeffreys tried to cajole them
+with such amiable observations as "Now then, what's this little affair?
+There's some mistake, is there not? but we shall soon put it all to
+rights, I dare say;"&mdash;a style of conciliation to which the bishops
+did not take as kindly as the king and his creatures desired. The people
+were greatly in favour of the prelates, who were cheered on their way to
+their trial by an enthusiastic mob of juveniles; for it is worthy of
+remark, that the boys are ever in advance of their age, as the pioneers of
+popular opinion.
+</p>
+<p>
+The jury, having in their own hearts an echo to the general voice,
+acquitted the defendants, after an adjournment and a locking up for a
+night, which had been rendered necessary by the obstinacy of a Mr. Arnold,
+the king's brewer, who supplied the palace with beer, and insisted upon
+putting what he called "nice pints," for the purpose of raising
+difficulties in the minds of his colleagues. A verdict of "Not guilty" was
+however eventually returned, and a round of applause having started in the
+court itself, passed from group to group till it got to Temple Bar, where
+the porters taking it up with terrific force, gave it a lift down Fleet
+Street, and it was thence forwarded by easy stages as far as the Tower.
+London was illuminated in honour of the occasion, and the Pope having been
+hanged in effigy, some wag put "a light in his laughing eye," which caused
+it to twinkle for a few moments, until, like the fire of genius, it
+consumed the frame in which it was deposited.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 10th of June, 1688, the queen, Mary d'Este, the second wife of
+James, was declared to have been delivered of a "fine bouncing boy," but
+the people, who would have no Papist heir to the throne, declared the
+alleged "bouncing boy" to be a bounce altogether. There was not over
+nicety in the mode chosen to account for the presence of the child, by
+those who would not believe that it was the son of the king and queen; but
+the most popular story was, that the little fellow had been brought in a
+warming-pan into the royal bedchamber. This was hauling the young
+Pretender rather prematurely over the coals, but as the contents of the
+warming-pan were never regularly sifted, we cannot vouch for the truth or
+falsehood of the account that has been handed down to us. The event,
+whether real or fictitious, was celebrated by a brilliant display of
+fireworks, which proved a sad failure; for the lightning, which was
+exceedingly vivid, completely took the shine out of the <i>feu d'artifice</i>,
+and thoroughly "paled," as if with a pail of cold water, "their
+ineffectual fires."
+</p>
+<p>
+All eyes were now turned upon William, Prince of Orange, who, naturally
+enough, became as proud as a peacock at having so many eyes upon him.
+Having received a very pressing invitation from England, he determined to
+come over and question the legitimacy of the alleged Prince of Wales&mdash;our
+young friend of the warming-pan. On Friday, the 16th of October, 1688,
+William of Orange set sail, and stood over for the English coast; but old
+Boreas, who stands as sentinel over the British Isles, began railing and
+blustering in such a boisterous manner, that the invading fleet was driven
+out of its course, and the order on board every ship was to "Ease her,"
+"Back her," or "Turn her astarn," to prevent a collision that might have
+proved disagreeable. The fleet, however, sailed definitively on the 1st of
+November, and arriving at Torbay on the 4th, he landed there amid the
+usual kissing of hands, grasping of legs, hanging on at the coat tails,
+and tugging affectionately at the cloak skirts, which form the ordinary
+demonstrations of affectionate loyalty towards any new object, who can bid
+tolerably high for it. Nevertheless, the people did not come out half so
+strongly as he could have desired; and, indeed, he complained that the
+warmth of his first reception had soon cooled down to mere politeness with
+the chill off. It is said that he even threatened to return, but
+recollecting that such quick returns would be productive of no profit, he
+abandoned the notion of going home, and said to himself, very sensibly,
+"Well, well! now I am here, I suppose I must make the best of it."
+</p>
+<p>
+James was completely taken aback at the news of what had occurred, and
+tried to get up a little bit of popularity by turning quack doctor and
+running about in all directions to touch people for tne king's evil. It
+was, however, a mere piece of claptrap, or, as some term it, touch and go;
+for directly the people had been touched they were found to go without
+evincing the smallest symptoms of attachment to their doctor and master.
+James had certainly got a considerable number of soldiers; but he could
+not rely upon them for three reasons&mdash;first, because they were not to
+be trusted; secondly, because they were not to be depended upon; and
+thirdly, because there was no reliance to be placed upon them. Any one of
+these causes would of itself have been sufficient; but James was almost as
+difficult of conviction as the celebrated angler, who only abandoned his
+fishing expedition upon finding that there were, in the first place, no
+fish; secondly, that he had no fishing-rod; and thirdly, that if there
+were any fish, he did not think they would allow him to catch them.
+</p>
+<p>
+The soldiers soon began to justify James's doubt of their fidelity, by
+rapidly deserting him. Lord Colchester went first, and the example was so
+catching that it ran through all the forces, and when James made up his
+mind to join the army, he made the mortifying discovery that there was
+nothing to join, for all the officers were unattached to the cause of the
+sovereign. The bishops advised him to call a Parliament, and the little
+Prince of Wales was packed off in a parcel, with "This side upwards"
+legibly inscribed on the crown of his hat, to Portsmouth. In the midst of
+his other distresses, the king's nose began to bleed, in consequence, it
+was said, of the repeated blows he had endured from the soldiery, who had
+flown in his face with the utmost disloyalty. He consequently made up his
+mind and his portmanteau to retreat, when, in stopping at Andover, he
+asked his son-in-law, Prince George of Denmark, and the young Duke of
+Ormond, to sup with him. They accepted the invitation; but in the morning
+they were both missing, having run off&mdash;without paying their bills&mdash;to
+join the Prince of Orange, whom they found in quarters. On arriving at
+Whitehall, James found that even his daughter Anne had followed her
+husband's example and joined the enemy.
+</p>
+<p>
+As every one else was flying, James began to think that it was high time
+for himself to run for it. The little Prince of Wales, who had been
+forwarded to Portsmouth, was actually declined as a parcel on which the
+carriage had not been paid, and was sent back like a returned letter to
+London. The queen, putting the little fellow under her arm, walked over
+Westminster Bridge, popped into the Gravesend coach, and hailed a yacht,
+which took her and her infant to Calais. James, only waiting to pocket the
+great seal, ran after his wife; but finding the bauble heavy, and that the
+great seal, by making him look conspicuous, would perhaps seal his doom,
+he pitched it into the river. On reaching Lambeth they exclaimed, "Hoy, a
+hoy!" and a hoy was provided in which he took his passage; but the vessel
+putting in at the Isle of Sheppy for ballast, the people attacked him with
+great rudeness, and called him, without knowing who he was, a
+"hatchet-faced Jesuit." This proves he must have had a very sharp
+expression, for with a face like a hatchet, he would no doubt have had
+teeth like a saw, and presented altogether a rather formidable aspect. To
+save himself from outrage he announced himself as the king, but this
+disclosure had only the effect of making them rob as well as insult him,
+for knowing he had money of his own, they were determined to get it out of
+him. He was seized by a mob of fish-women, sailors, and smugglers, who
+turned his pockets inside out, and bullied him so severely that he howled
+out piteously for mercy, and adopted a favourite oath of his brother
+Charles's, when a salmon lighting rather heavily on his eye, he exclaimed,
+"Odds fish!" with considerable earnestness. He at length "put up" at the
+nearest public-house, where he wrote a note to Lord Winchilsea. Upon the
+arrival of this nobleman, the king sat down and had a good cry, but
+Winchilsea sagaciously observed to him, "Come, come; it's no use taking on
+so; you had much better take yourself off as speedily as possible."
+</p>
+<p>
+The moment the flight of James from his palace was known, the city was
+thrown into the utmost excitement, and by way of making each other more
+nervous than need be, the inhabitants set all the bells ringing with
+incessant vehemence. The people might have knocked each other down with
+feathers, so agitated had they become; and in their frenzy they not only
+began burning all the Popish chapels, but looked everywhere for Father
+Petre to make the same use of him that his namesake saltpetre might have
+been turned to on such a very explosive occasion. Father Petre had taken
+himself off to France, but the pope's nuncio, who was in general denounced
+by the mob, disguised himself as a footman, and kept jumping up behind a
+carriage, to look as if he was in service, whenever he observed any one
+apparently watching him with suspicion. Judge Jeffreys having been
+stupidly intoxicated over some sittings in <i>banco</i> at a public-house,
+followed by a trial at bar of some cream gin that had been strongly
+recommended to his lordship for mixing, was unable of course to fly&mdash;or
+even to stand&mdash;but, disguised as a sailor, he was perambulating the
+streets of Wapping. Having been discovered, he was seized by the mob, who,
+instead of exercising a summary jurisdiction, and hanging him at once, as
+they might have done had they determined to pay him in his own coin,
+turned him over to the Lord Mayor as a preliminary to a regular trial.
+</p>
+<p>
+A provisional Government of the bishops and peers was formed in London,
+and a note despatched to the Prince of Orange, saying, "that the first
+time he came that way, if he would drop in they should be very happy to
+see him." James showed considerable obstinacy before he could be got rid
+of; and he continued exercising, as long as he could, some of the smaller
+functions of royalty. He came back to London, and to the surprise of
+everybody, sat down to dinner as usual at Whitehall, forgetting, perhaps,
+that his father had taken a chop there on a previous occasion for having
+given offence to his people. Four battalions of the Dutch Guards were
+marched into Westminster by way of hint, which James for some time refused
+to take, and he had actually gone to bed, when Halifax roused him up by
+the information that he must start off to Ham, as the Prince of Orange was
+expected at Whitehall the first thing in the morning. James observed that
+the place suggested to him was very chilly, and as he could not bear cold
+Ham, he had much rather go to Rochester if it was all the same to Halifax.
+This was agreed to on behalf of the Prince of Orange; and James, taking
+the Gravesend boat, quitted London with a very few followers. There was an
+explosion of cockney sentimentality on this occasion; for the citizens,
+who had been the first to demand his expulsion, began shedding tears in
+teacupfuls when they witnessed the departure of the sovereign. Having
+remained for the night at Gravesend, he started the next morning for
+Rochester, and after a very brief stay, he went in a fishing-smack smack
+across the channel to Ambleteuse, a small town in Picardy. From thence he
+hastened to the Court of Louis the Fourteenth, where James still enjoyed
+the empty title of king, which was not the only empty thing he possessed,
+for his pockets were in the same condition until Louis replenished them.
+He sometimes compared them to a couple of exhausted non-receivers, for
+these were utterly exhausted, and were not in the receipt of anything but
+what he obtained from his brother sovereign's munificence. Some historians
+tell us that James had made a purse, but if he had, it is doubtful whether
+he had any money remaining to stock it with after the fishermen, who made
+all fish that came to their net, had encountered him at Torbay, and
+deprived him of all the loose cash he had about him.
+</p>
+<p>
+William of Orange could not exactly make up his mind what to do upon the
+flight of James; but he very wisely declined to follow the advice of some
+injudicious friends, who recommended him to appear in the character of
+William the Conqueror. He sagaciously observed that imitations were always
+bad, evincing an utter absence of any original merit in the imitator, and
+certain in the end to have their hollowness detected. He admitted that the
+idea of entering England as William the Conqueror might have been a very
+good one at first; but that he should very justly be denounced as an
+impudent humbug if he endeavoured to obtain popularity by trading on the
+reputation of another. Scorning, therefore, to be a servile copyist, he
+determined on striking out a path for himself, and tried the "moderately
+constitutional dodge," which succeeded so well, that he is to this day
+recognised as the hero of what is termed the "glorious Revolution." He
+called together some members of Charles the Second's Parliaments, and
+recommended them, with the assistance of the Lord Mayor and forty Common
+Councilmen, to consider what had better be done under the peculiar
+circumstances of the nation. There is something richly ludicrous,
+according to modern notions, in the idea of consulting a Lord Mayor and
+forty Common Councilmen on a great political question; for though we would
+cheerfully be guided by such authorities in the choice of a sirloin of
+beef or the framing of a bill of fare, their views on the cooking up of a
+constitution would not in these days be gravely listened to. The peers and
+bishops had already recommended the summoning of a convention, and the
+Lord Mayor having proposed that the Commons should say "ditto to that,"
+the suggestion was forthwith adopted.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Convention having met, the first question it proceeded to discuss was
+whether James had not, in leaving the kingdom, run away, in fact, from his
+creditors, for every king owes a debt to his people; and whether the
+throne, crown and sceptre might not be seized for the benefit of those to
+whom he was under liabilities. The Commons soon came to the resolution
+that the throne was vacant, a conclusion which we must not examine too
+strictly; for if the principle involved in it were to be generally
+admitted, we should find that a freeholder running away from his freehold
+house to avoid meeting his Christmas bills, would, by that act, not only
+oust himself from his property, but cut off all his successors from their
+right of inheritance. Upon the broad and vulgar principle that the Stuarts
+were a bad lot, the Convention was justified perhaps in changing the
+succession to the throne; but, for our own parts, we must confess our
+disinclination to let in such a plea for the wholesale setting aside of a
+reigning family. As the last of the Pretenders is happily defunct, we may
+venture upon taking the line of argument we have adopted, without running
+the risk of a public meeting being called on the appearance of this
+number, to consider the immediate restoration of the Stuarts, a measure
+which our loyalty to the reigning sovereign, who fortunately unites in her
+own person all claims to the crown, would never tolerate. Had it been
+otherwise, we should not have been surprised by the announcement of a
+league, with the usual staff of a chairman, a boy, a brass plate, and a
+bell, to restore to the house of Stuart the crown of England.
+</p>
+<p>
+To return, however, to William of Orange, whom we left waiting to be asked
+to walk up the steps of the throne; and we have great pleasure in taking
+him by the hand, for the purpose of giving him a lift to that exalted
+station he was now called to occupy. Some were for engaging him as regent
+during the minority of the Prince of Wales; but William flatly refused to
+become a warming-pan for one whose alleged introduction into the royal
+bed-chamber through the medium of a warming-pan, rendered the simile at
+once striking and appropriate. "All or none" was the motto adopted by
+William in his negotiations with the Convention, and it was at length
+resolved to settle the crown on the joint heads of himself and the
+Princess of Orange, with a stipulation that the prince should hold the
+reins of government. A declaration of rights was drawn up, so that
+everything was reduced to writing, and put down in black and white, for
+the purpose of avoiding disputes between the king and the people.
+</p>
+<p>
+James's reign was now hopelessly at an end, and entirely by his own act;
+for, after he had absconded, it would have been idle for the nation to
+have been satisfied with writing, "Gone away; not known where," over the
+throne of England. A sketch of the character of this king is scarcely
+required from the English historian, who may fairly say, "My former man,
+James, quitted my service, and you had better make inquiries in his last
+place, for I have ceased to have anything to do with him. I can venture to
+say he was sober; but I am not quite sure about his honesty; for though in
+looking over the plate basket where I kept the regalia, I found the crown,
+sceptre, and other articles of that description perfectly right, I had
+missed from time to time a great deal of money, which I verily believe
+that man James had pocketed. I should say that the fellow was very weak,
+and not being strong enough for his place, he left his work a great deal
+to inferior servants, who behaved very shamefully. I think the fellow was
+willing, and it might be said of him, that he would if he could, but he
+couldn't&mdash;a state in which the servant of a nation is not likely to
+give much satisfaction to those who require his services." Such is the
+character that may be fairly written of James the Second, who, we may as
+well add, was promoted to a saintdom in France, by way of compensation for
+his forfeiture of the "right divine to govern wrong" in England.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0052" id="link2HCH0052"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE FIFTH. LITERATURE, SCIENCE, FINE ARTS, MANNERS, CUSTOMS, AND
+CONDITION OF THE PEOPLE.
+</h2>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">I</span>T is now necessary to sink the historian for a time in the reviewer, and
+to take a retrospect of the literature of the period through which our
+narrative has passed. The republic of politics was not favourable to the
+republic of letters, and the Elizabethan dramatists were followed by a few
+playwrights of a very inferior class. The mantle of Shakespeare, or even
+of Beaumont and Fletcher, who had flourished under the monarchy, was
+caught by no worthy object, and it fell upon Shirley, for whom it was
+evidently a great deal too large. Denham and Waller, those two commonplace
+songsters, set up a faint warbling, and Hobbes had sufficient fire to burn
+with philosophic ardour, though his thoughts were fettered by his royalist
+principles. Hobbes, however, was a fireside companion to many, though they
+dared scarcely hang over Hobbes in the broad light of day.
+</p>
+<p>
+Milton had written little till he gave to the world&mdash;which is true
+enough, for the world can hardly be said to have bought it&mdash;his
+"Paradise Lost," which he brought out in 1667, and though the sale was
+limited, it was sufficiently encouraging to induce him to baffle the crowd
+of imitators by advertising a new poem, to be called "Paradise Regained."
+He feared the sort of impertinent opposition which echoes every new work,
+and which, when an original writer takes it into his head to bid anyone
+"Go where the aspens quiver," "Meet him in the willow-glen," or commit
+some other foolery, will reply by expressing a desire to come where the
+aspens are actually quivering, and to be punctual at the willow-glen, for
+which the invitation is forwarded. "Paradise Regained" had the fate of all
+merely imitative literature, for it never acquired, and will never attain,
+the reputation its prototype or predecessor has enjoyed.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Restoration seemed to act as a restorative to Milton's powers, for he
+published many of his finest things after Charles the Second returned to
+the throne. Cowley was one of the earliest writers who took to diluting
+the works of other people in some stuff of his own; and, taking the
+materials of Donne, he set an example of the modern practice of seizing
+upon another man's original ideas, for the purpose of beating or spinning
+them out into a shape that may, if possible, prevent the real authorship
+from being recognised. There was, however, a great deal of true genius
+among the literary men of the age, through which our narrative has just
+carried us. Spenser, whose tales were only too short, would have been
+sufficient to redeem the period from the imputation of mediocrity.
+</p>
+<p>
+The stage was, during the reign of Charles the Second, in a very degraded
+state; but the cry for the restoration of the drama has been kept up so
+long, that we really do not know what there is to restore, if everything
+has been always bad, except the works of two or three writers, whose
+productions are being so constantly performed that the public cannot
+reasonably complain of not getting enough of them. The "palmy days of
+dramatic literature" are, according to the ordinary acceptation of those
+who use the term, any days but the present, and it is not improbable that
+our own will be looked back upon and lamented as the genuine "palmy days"
+by the generation of grumblers who may come after us. If everything is
+objected to in its turn&mdash;and such has been the fate of every
+successive crop of writings for the stage&mdash;we of course cannot tell
+with accuracy what it would be considered worth while to restore in the
+judgment of those who are clamorous for the restoration of the drama.
+There is also considerable difference of opinion as to how the restoration
+is to be effected; and we may perhaps be excused, therefore, for
+suggesting that some good strong salts&mdash;attic salts, of course&mdash;are
+likely to prove the most effectual restoratives to a drama in a
+languishing condition.
+</p>
+<p>
+There was an immense increase in the family of science at or about the
+period we have been speaking of, and indeed science had so many sons, that
+it would not have been very surprising if the fate of the domestic circle
+of the old lady who lived in a shoe&mdash;namely, an abundance of broth
+and a scarcity of bread&mdash;had been their inheritance.
+</p>
+<p>
+The illustrious Boyle might frequently have been left without a roast by
+the number of competitors who were seeking a living round him through the
+exercise of their talents; and amidst his curious experiments on air, that
+of trying to live upon it might, if successful, have been of the greatest
+use to him. He was an enthusiast in the splendid career he had long and
+perseveringly pursued; nor is it going beyond the truth to say of him,
+that he combined ecstatics with hydrostatics, by the eagerness and
+animation with which he threw himself into water, whose properties were
+almost the only property he ever realised. There were several other
+scientific luminaries in this age, and we must not forget Hooke, who
+always had an eye to the capabilities of the microscope, and took an
+enlarged view of everything that fell under his observation. For Sydenham,
+the restorer of true physio, we have not so much veneration; but Newton is
+a name that we cannot pass over so slightingly. This great man, to whom
+science was the apple of his eye, and to whose eye the apple had revealed
+one of the greatest truths ever discovered, lived for some time a most
+retired life, which he passed in tranquil obscurity. Such was his position
+when the fruits of his contemplation came home to him in the shape of a
+golden pippin, which he revolved in his mind as it revolved in the air,
+and the result was the great fact by the perception of which his name has
+been immortalised. Though Newton was a pattern of modesty in his
+intercourse with the external world, he was bold enough in his approaches
+to Dame Nature, and would not allow her to hide her face from him, if by
+any amount of perseverance he could get a peep at it. He even had the
+audacity to go the length of tearing off her veil, for the purpose of
+revealing her beauties; and Nature, instead of becoming indignant at this
+rough treatment, was evidently flattered by his attentions, to which she
+offered every encouragement.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is a curious fact, that the institution of the Royal Society commenced
+under the auspices of a brother-in-law of Cromwell, one Wilkins, a
+clergyman, who, although so nearly allied to the republican leader, had no
+objection to accept facilities from a regal hand for promoting the objects
+of science, in which he felt a zealous interest. This brother-in-law of
+Cromwell was Bishop of Chester under the Restoration, which he liked just
+as well as the Commonwealth, and perhaps better, for his mitre was rather
+safer under a royal rule than it could have been during a republican
+government.
+</p>
+<p>
+Charles the Second was without doubt a lover of the sciences to a certain
+extent; but his disgusting depravities left him neither money nor time for
+the advancement of genius and literary merit. His contemporary, Louis the
+Fourteenth, was more liberal of his bounty to those whose intellect formed
+their chief claim to consideration; but even this magnificent monarch
+scarcely devoted to literature, science, and art, as much as he often
+lavished on one worthless courtier. It is, however, a matter for
+humiliation and regret that we have not advanced upon the munificence of
+Charles the Second and Louis the Fourteenth; for, notwithstanding all the
+acknowledgment that talent in these days receives by way of personal
+consideration and respect, a few paltry thousands a year form the whole
+amount that the nation will afford to pension its instructors or
+entertainers, when their powers of instruction and entertainment have
+failed to afford them the means of comfortable livelihood.
+</p>
+<p>
+Of the condition of the people during the period described in the few last
+chapters, we had rather say very little, as we can say nothing
+complimentary. Hypocrisy, during the Commonwealth, and unbridled
+licentiousness at the Restoration, were the characteristic features of the
+two divisions of a period which cast upon the respectability of the nation
+a blot that time has only turned to iron-mould. The fame of a nation, like
+a damask table-cloth, when once stained is never thoroughly restored; for,
+send them both to the wash&mdash;immersing the former in tears of regret,
+and the latter in the soapsuds&mdash;the stain is still indelibly there,
+beyond the power of pearl-ash or penitence.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2H_4_0063" id="link2H_4_0063"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+BOOK VIII. THE PERIOD FROM THE REVOLUTION TO THE ACCESSION OF GEORGE THE
+THIRD.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0053" id="link2HCH0053"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE FIRST. WILLIAM AND MARY.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0203" id="linkimage-0203"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/611m.jpg" alt="611m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/611.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">T</span>HE crown of England stood for almost two months in the same position as
+Mahomet's tomb, for the diadem no longer rested on the head of James, nor
+had it yet lighted on that of the Prince of Orange. On the 13th of
+February, 1689, both Houses waited on the Prince and Princess of Orange
+with a bill and a request that they would put their names to it. This
+document was a Declaration of Rights, in which it was asserted that
+"elections ought to be free," that "jurors ought to be duly empanelled and
+returned," besides a number of those "oughts" which are highly respected
+at the commencement of a reign, but frequently stand for nothing before
+the end of it. The Prince of Orange was by no means so squeezable as his
+name would seem to imply, for he refused to accept the crown unless he
+could have the power as well as the name of king, and he stipulated that
+his wife should have no share in the government. He probably knew the
+lady's temper pretty well, and felt that neither the country nor himself
+would have had much peace had she been allowed to interfere, and indeed it
+was a saying of one of the ancients, whose name we have not been able to
+learn, that "when a woman rules the roast, a quantity of broils may be
+looked for." He threatened to return to Holland if Parliament gave his
+wife any share of his authority, and the once popular but now almost
+obsolete menace of "If you do I'm a Dutchman," * originated no doubt in
+the intimation of William that he would cut his English connections, and
+return to his Dutch duchy if his views were thwarted by his adopted
+countrymen.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* The insertion of this rare old saying is rather intended
+to display our own reading than with any idea of its being
+absolutely essential to the narrative.
+</pre>
+<p>
+A country in want of a king is naturally prone to accept one upon almost
+any terms; and though England might have been very particular in ordinary
+circumstances about its chief magistrate, there was so much unpleasantness
+in being without a person of the sort, that the nation was very anxious to
+suit itself. William's stipulations were therefore listened to, and it was
+even arranged that Mary, in whose right alone he had any claim to the
+British Crown, should have but a nominal share in it. The Commons voted
+that James had abdicated, or, in other words, bolted, and thereby shut
+himself out; while the Lords resolved that the throne was vacant; and thus
+by two different modes they came to the same conclusion, namely, that
+there was an opening for any one to "step up," if the terms were agreed
+upon. After some negociation it was arranged that William should take the
+vacant situation, which should be considered to some extent a
+single-handed place, though nominally filled by "a man and his wife," it
+being understood that the former should do all the work, and that the
+latter should make herself generally useless.
+</p>
+<p>
+It will naturally occur to the curious reader to inquire what has become
+of the fugitive James, and we shall therefore commission our research to
+set out as a policeman in pursuit of him. We first trace him to
+Versailles, where he met with a very friendly reception from Louis the
+Fourteenth, who made him as comfortable as circumstances would admit, and
+lent him a lot of French soldiers to play at an invasion with.
+</p>
+<p>
+Ireland was then, as it has been always, our weakest point, and it was
+resolved that James should hit us on that unhappy raw, which all our
+attempts to heal have only tended to aggravate. James repaired to Brest,
+where he found himself in the bosom of a ragamuffin crowd of exiles; and
+forming the best of these into a sort of army, he landed with a force of
+about two thousand five hundred at Kinsale. Having taken the English by
+surprise, James's party obtained a bit of a victory at Bantry Bay, for the
+numbers of the former being comparatively few, their commander, Admiral
+Herbert, thought it would be sheer folly not to sheer off, and he made for
+Scilly, which he acknowledged to a friend was exceedingly ridiculous.
+James made the most of the opportunity, and summoned an Irish Parliament,
+which, with true Irish generosity, began voting away money at a tremendous
+rate before it came in, and had bestowed upon James �20,000 a month, out
+of nothing a year, within the few first days of their sitting.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Treasury was of course not in a condition to meet the liberal orders
+that were made upon it, and James had no means of replenishing it, except
+with what he brought over in his pocket from France, and this, though it
+had come some distance, would not go very far, when he began to try the
+experiment. Having a scarcity of gold and silver, he deter-, mined to try
+the effect of brass, which he knew to be in many cases a perfect
+substitute for both the precious metals, and he ordered that his brazen
+coinage should pass for a hundred times its value, which has furnished a
+<i>monumentum cere perennius</i> of his brazen impudence.
+</p>
+<p>
+His household was poverty-stricken in the extreme, and Black Rod had
+nothing but an old Awkward Mistake, birch as the emblem of his office. The
+Court was, in fact, rendered as bad as the lowest alley by the turmoils
+and turbulence that prevailed in consequence of the shortness of cash, and
+after some little hesitation, James deter-mined to go to Londonderry for
+ammunition to carry on the war; but on his arrival the only powder and
+shot he received came to him in the shape of the firing of the garrison.
+Finding the place&mdash;or rather the inhabitants&mdash;unwilling to
+surrender, James drew off, and arrived in Dublin, where some of the famous
+Dublin stout in the shape of a few stalwart adherents still sustained him
+in his enterprise.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0204" id="linkimage-0204"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/613m.jpg" alt="613m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/613.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+William had no doubt a very troublesome part to play, for he was
+surrounded by a discontented set, which must always arise upon a change of
+dynasty, when the good things to be given away form a proportion of about
+one-eighth per cent,&mdash;or half a crown in the �100&mdash;to the
+expectations of the would-be recipients. When a plan is fixed upon for
+dividing �1000 into fifty thousand equal shares of �100,000 each, there
+will be some probability that the promoters of a revolution will, when the
+revolution is complete, be all equally and perfectly satisfied. William
+was speedily surrounded by a number of adherents to his cause, who had
+stuck to it with the leech-like intention of drawing upon it to the
+fullest possible extent; and his hangers-on were consequently more
+weakening to him than otherwise.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 19th of October he opened the second session of his first
+Parliament, and was soon pestered by the pecuniary importunities of the
+Princess Anne of Denmark, who declared that her income was scarcely enough
+to keep her in gloves and Denmark satin slippers; and that she must have
+�70,000 a year settled upon her, quite independent of her brother-in-law
+and her sister. A family quarrel ensued upon this demand, and Queen Mary
+insisted that "Nancy must be mad" to prefer a request so shamefully
+exorbitant. The matter was eventually compromised, by a settlement of
+�50,000 a year on "Sister Anne," who was completely under the influence of
+Churchill, now Earl of Marlborough.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the beginning of 1690, William dissolved the Parliament; and a new one
+met on the 20th of March; when the king announced his intention of going
+to Ireland, and intimated his necessity for cash to enable him to
+undertake the journey. He requested the assistance of the Commons in
+settling the amount of his revenue, upon which he proposed to borrow a
+considerable sum, thus acting on the dangerous and unprofitable system of
+drawing a salary in advance, and spending to-day what will not come
+to-morrow. He intended, in fact, to eat his pudding first, and to have it
+afterwards, or rather to eat his own, and then come down upon that of
+other people to supply the deficiency. The Commons, instead of checking
+this improvidence, granted him �2,200,000, which was presented to William
+in the shape of an elegant extract from the pockets of his people. Money
+was not all that the new king required, for he was anxious to cement his
+power, and like all those who feel the doubtful character of their claims,
+was continually insisting on their being formally recognised. Bills were
+passed, though not without some difficulty, abjuring James and his title
+to the crown; but some nobles objected to take the oaths, and Lord
+Wharton, who was a very old man, declared he was unwilling to go swearing
+on to the end of his days, that "he had taken so many affidavits, he
+scarcely knew one from the other, and he must beg to be excused from any
+more oath-taking during the brief remainder of his existence."
+</p>
+<p>
+The Parliament having served its purpose, in a pecuniary point of view,
+was prorogued rather early, and William started for Ireland. Previous to
+the king's departure, the queen very reasonably suggested that as he could
+not take the royal authority away with him, it would be a great deal like
+a dog in the manger, if he refused to let her have the enjoyment of the
+sovereign power during his brief absence. With some reluctance he
+consented to the arrangement, observing coarsely, that he knew she would
+make a mess of it, but as he should not be gone very long, it did not much
+signify. With this surly concession, having agreed to a temporary transfer
+of the sceptre into her grasp, he quitted her, with the discouraging and
+discourteous words, "There, take it! and let all the world see how right I
+was in preventing you from having a hand in the use of it."
+</p>
+<p>
+On his arrival at Belfast he began to look about him for James, whose army
+was at length pounced upon on the banks of the Boyne, and a battle became
+unavoidable. William was looking about him, when the enemy loading two
+immense field-pieces, aimed them both at him; but, as between two stools,
+one often goes to the ground, so, between two cannon balls, one may
+occasionally come off without injury. William, when he saw the balls
+bouncing by him, may have thought that he was lucky in escaping a ball'd
+head, but he soon received a real wound on the shoulder, which positively
+tore his coat, and grazed the skin, to the utter horror of Lord Coningsby,
+who stuffed his pocket-handkerchief into the sleeve, to staunch the blood
+that might have been, but, fortunately, was not, flowing. William was more
+frightened than hurt, and his officers were more frightened than William,
+while the enemy were more frightened than either, and allayed their
+trepidation by giving out that William was certainly dead, which we need
+not say was a mere penny-a-line report, without the smallest foundation. A
+poultice soon set his shoulder to rights, and at all events enabled him to
+put it to the wheel, which he did, by calling a meeting of the officers at
+nine in the evening. He told them he should cross the river the next day,
+and he gave orders about their dress, observing to them playfully, that as
+they would have to pass through the tide, they had better make themselves
+as tidy as possible. Hearing that the enemy wore cockades, made of white
+paper, he remarked that he would not have his men in such foolscaps, but
+that he desired to see them all with green boughs in their hats; and in
+this very guyish guise the soldiers of William met the adherents of James
+in combat.
+</p>
+<p>
+The gallant Duke of Schomberg, who was extremely touchy, had been somehow
+or other offended at the Council of War, and had retired in a huff to his
+tent, exclaiming pettishly, "Settle it yourselves how you like, for it
+seems I'm nobody." In vain did some of his comrades call after him,
+"Schomberg, Schomberg! Come back, come back;" for the general withdrew
+within his quarters, and letting down his camp-curtains, sat smoking his
+pipe with interjectional mutterings to himself on that fruitful topic to a
+gentleman in the sulks&mdash;"The obstancy of <i>some</i> people." The
+order of battle being formed, a copy of it was sent to him, when,
+snatching it from the messenger with a loud "Umph!" he declared that he
+had scarcely made up his mind whether he should obey or light his pipe
+with the document. Having looked at it, however, the old soldier gave a
+whistle of satisfaction as if in an ardent anticipation of the work before
+him; and putting on his armour as coolly as if he had been dressing for
+dinner, he made his way to the spot appointed for the coming contest. His
+reception by his sovereign and his fellow-soldiers was cheerful if not
+�ordial; but it was evident by the twinkle of the veteran's eye, that
+Schomberg was "himself again" when he stood in the presence of an enemy.
+</p>
+<p>
+The contending forces having a river between them, found their ardour a
+great deal damped, for it is not easy to be valorous with the water up to
+one's waist, and with every desire on both sides to make a splash, the
+soldiers could only dabble in hostilities without plunging deeply into
+them. William put his nag boldly across the stream, but the English had to
+deplore the loss of the gallant old Duke of Schomberg, who, there is too
+much reason to believe, was killed in mistake by one of his own men,
+though, we must confess, we always look with very great suspicion on these
+so-called accidents. James had taken his station at a most respectable
+distance from danger during the whole of the affray, and he no sooner saw
+that he had lost the day than he determined not to lose a minute in making
+his escape from England. He galloped on horseback to Dublin, hastened to
+Waterford, and embarked for France with a wretched retinue. William
+returned to England, and sent the Duke of Marlborough to Ireland, who
+reduced several places, and by putting the screw upon Cork, made it pull
+out very handsomely.
+</p>
+<p>
+The bishops now began to feel very uncomfortable about their allegiance,
+and to doubt the validity of its transfer from James to William, though
+the truth seems to be that they had not found the transfer fee so large as
+they had expected. Several were deprived of their temporalities&mdash;the
+surest way of bringing them to their senses; but there were numerous
+instances of disinterestedness, in which a blindness to the advantages of
+the see was honourably conspicuous. William troubled himself comparatively
+little about what was going on at home, but was far more anxious to carry
+on with success the league against France; and to further this object he
+repaired to the Continent, where a warfare of a rather paltry character
+was persisted in. The hostilities, though of a contemptible kind, were
+sufficiently costly to render it necessary for William to return in the
+course of a few months, and ask for more money from the English
+Parliament. Large grants were made, but not without a great deal of
+grumbling, for John Bull always pays, though he parts with his money very
+reluctantly, and sometimes takes out half its value in surly remonstrances
+against being compelled to put his hand into his pocket. The general
+discontent was considerably aggravated by a necessity for the revival of
+the odious poll-tax, which was a regular rap on the head to all except
+paupers, children, and servants; for with these exceptions everybody&mdash;or
+rather every head&mdash;was charged so much a quarter for the privilege of
+remaining on its owner's shoulders.
+</p>
+<p>
+William continued riding backwards and forwards between England and
+Holland, but he paid the former the compliment of making it his purse on
+every occasion. His majesty was constantly taking abroad with him both
+money and men, the former being invariably spent and the latter severely
+wounded, before the king came home again. Occasionally some impression was
+made on a French fort, but the damage done to the enemy cost more than it
+was worth to the English, whose patience and pockets continued to be taxed
+for the continental freaks of the foreign king they had permitted to rule
+over them. There were some able leaders on the side of the British, and
+among the most conspicuous may be cited Sir Cloudesley Shovel, who threw
+fresh coals on to the fire of enthusiasm that occasionally burned up among
+the English.
+</p>
+<p>
+It would be wearisome to make a list of the various journeys of William to
+the Continent and back; nor, indeed, would the document amount to anything
+more interesting than a time-table, were we to take the trouble of
+preparing it. His people might with reason have complained that they never
+saw anything of him, unless he wanted something from them, and at length
+on the 12th of November, 1694, when William condescended to meet his
+Parliament and request the favour of �5,000,000 to "carry on the war," the
+opposition led by Mr. Harley, the statesman,&mdash;not the low comedian&mdash;forced
+upon nis majesty's acceptance a bill for the summoning of triennial
+Parliaments.
+</p>
+<p>
+The assent he gave to this unpalatable measure has been attributed to the
+anxiety he felt on account of the dangerous illness of his wife, which may
+very naturally have incapacitated him for any serious resistance to a
+demand which Parliament urged with wonderful unanimity and energy. Poor
+Mary was seized with an attack of the small-pox, and it is a curious mark
+of the unfeeling character of the punsters of that happily remote age,
+that her malady was made the subject of a pun, which, as it was new at the
+period of which we are writing, we may be allowed for the three thousand
+and eighty-fourth time to chronicle.
+</p>
+<p>
+When it was known that her majesty had caught the small-pox, or rather
+that the small-pox had caught her majesty, it was remarked with a
+savageness that loses none of its ferocity from the fact of its being a
+bitter truth, that she was "very much to be pitted." Whether the queen
+ever heard this unfeeling and poverty-stricken joke, the chroniclers do
+not relate, and we cannot answer with certainty for its having been the
+death of her; but, as she actually died, the supposition we have suggested
+is exceedingly feasible. She expired on the 28th of December, 1694, in the
+thirty-third year of her age, to the great grief of her husband, and the
+regret of the nation in general; for though she was not particularly
+beloved either by one or the other during her life, there was a decent
+show of sorrow on the part of both at losing her. William no doubt felt
+the bereavement in more ways than one, for he had a servant the less to
+wait upon him, a dependant the less to bully, and a subject the less to
+domineer over. He lamented her less as a partner and friend than he missed
+her as a companion and housekeeper. She was certainly a devoted wife, but
+the devotion of a woman to her husband's interests is, after all, only a
+second selfishness, which, when viewed in a proper light, is far more
+prudent than respectable. Her inveterate dislike of her sister, with whom
+she refused to be reconciled even on her death-bed, convinces us that it
+was not altogether a warmth of heart that bound her to her husband; and we
+therefore set her down as a cold unfeeling person who could sacrifice all
+other ties for the sake of one which she believed to be of the most
+importance to her interests.
+</p>
+<p>
+We should not, however, be doing justice to the character of Mary if we
+were to omit to state that she was exceedingly skilful in the use of the
+needle, and by working curious devices on chairs or carpets, she in one
+way at least set a pattern to the female portion of the community.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0054" id="link2HCH0054"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE SECOND. WILLIAM THE THIRD.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0205" id="linkimage-0205"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/620m.jpg" alt="620m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/620.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+ILLIAM was now <i>en gar�on</i> upon the throne of England; but, to use
+the words of a quaint commentator, "he missed his missus" very grievously.
+When spoken to on business, he for several weeks returned no other answer
+than an intimation that business might experience that fate which attends
+a dramatic production when an audience will not listen to a word of it.
+The Princess Anne, his sister-in-law, sought a reconciliation through
+Somers, the lord-keeper, whose reception was not by any means as mild as a
+summer's day, and who congratulated himself on having the royal conscience
+rather than the royal temper in his keeping. The keeper, however, was
+determined to keep it up, and so importuned William to be reconciled to
+Anne, that his majesty ultimately roared out, "Do as you like, but don't
+bother me, for I'm not fit for business, nor indeed for anything." Somers
+arranged an interview between sister Anne and the king, who gave her St.
+James's Palace as a residence, and a quantity of the jewels, which the
+late queen, whom he called his "duck of diamonds," had left behind her.
+The Marlboroughs, who had gone quite out of favour with the king, but were
+the right and left hand of Anne, expected to have a share of the
+reconciliation, and an interest in its proceeds.
+</p>
+<p>
+Early in 1695, a glut of unpaid washing-bills which were floating about
+the neighbourhood of all the barracks, threw a doubt on the honesty, or at
+all events on the prudence, of the soldiery; and it was determined by the
+Government that an inquiry should be made into the causes of this paltry
+irregularity. The disgraceful discovery was instantly arrived at, that the
+soldiers could not pay their scores because the gallant fellows had not
+received their salaries.
+</p>
+<p>
+Corruption and bribery of the lowest kind in the highest quarters were
+soon brought to light, and it was proved that the secretary of the
+treasury had taken a large percentage on the money he had to pay, as a
+sort of bonus for giving himself the trouble to hand it over. Sir John
+Trevor, the Speaker of the House of Commons, turned out a shocking old
+rogue, and was found to have been in the habit of receiving bribes for
+putting questions from the chair, or for smuggling measures through their
+various stages. He had, in fact, undertaken to get bills done for anyone
+who brought him a tempting <i>douceur</i>, and a sum of �1050 was
+distinctly traced to the pocket of the venerable knave from the promoters
+of the Orphans' Bill. He was punished by being compelled to put from the
+chair of the House the resolution that he, Sir John Trevor, was unworthy
+of sitting in the House, and deserved to be kicked out of it. The "Ayes"
+decidedly had it, and Sir John Trevor would have had it too, if he had not
+instantly withdrawn, to avoid the unpleasantness of forcible ejection. Mr.
+Hungerford, the chairman of the committee on the same bill, was also
+accused, when, yielding to a loud cry of "Turn him out!" mingled with
+occasional mutterings of "Throw him over!" the dis-honourable member
+sneaked away from the senate. A further series of corruptions would
+certainly have been detected had not William determined to avoid further
+scandal, or at all events further exposure, by dissolving the Parliament.
+</p>
+<p>
+James was constantly urging his friend Louis to invade England, and he was
+at length persuaded to collect a fleet and army on the coast, while James
+himself sent over Sir George Barclay and the Duke of Berwick to attempt an
+insurrection. The idea of a couple of adventurers coming over to upset the
+Government was of itself absurd, and the affair was rendered more
+preposterous by Barclay having taken a lodging in Hatton Garden, where a
+garret formed his place of business for conducting the affairs of the
+conspiracy. A simple notification to "ring the top bell," was all that
+pointed out this nest of treason to those who took an interest in its
+progress. Even the modern accessories of a boy and a board-room, with a
+provisional committee, a dozen chairs, and a dining-table, were wanting to
+this desperate scheme, and indeed, while Barclay was away in order to get
+his meals&mdash;for there was no cooking on the premises&mdash;a
+recommendation to put letters through the door, and leave messages with
+the porter at the lodge, formed the entire instructions upon which the
+subordinate conspirators had to act when they chanced, in the absence of
+their chief, to call at the chambers.
+</p>
+<p>
+Such were the contemptible arrangements of this project for turning the
+thrown upside down, and burying, or at all events, bonnetting, William in
+the ruins of the outraged upholstery. We cannot be surprised that its
+progress was not by any means encouraging, but Barclay had heard of a plot
+to assassinate the king, in which one Sir William Perkins was concerned,
+and thus the since celebrated firm of Barclay and Perkins may be
+considered to have originated in a partnership project for brewing the
+storm of revolution. Barclay thought well of the scheme, and was
+introduced to one Porter; but in those days Barclay and Perkins turned up
+their noses at Porter, "who was a drunkard and a blab," and they therefore
+were unwilling to put any faith in him. Barclay, however, resolved to
+persevere in his regicide scheme, and applied to one Captain Fisher, who
+lived in King Street, Westminster, and was understood to be open to an
+offer as decidedly as if there were written over his door, "Murders
+carefully performed. Assassins' work in general."
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0206" id="linkimage-0206"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/622m.jpg" alt="622m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/622.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The proposal of Barclay, whatever it may have been, was not sufficiently
+liberal; for Fisher would only undertake to kill one of the royal
+coach-horses between Hyde Park and St. James's, but he declined any higher
+responsibility at the price that was offered. Barclay called Fisher a
+fool, and they never came to terms; but the former resolved to make the
+attempt on William's life, and the romantic Green of Tumham, over which
+the king was about to pass, on a day appointed, was selected as the scene
+of the treasonable experiment. The party of assassins had swelled to
+thirty-five, who planted themselves in ambush behind some bushes, when
+news was brought that the king had changed his mind, and would not come to
+Turnham Green; "Which," says Burnet, "was enough to turn 'em pale with
+anger and disappointment." There being some fear that the plot would be
+discovered, Barclay sneaked off to France, abandoning his
+fellow-conspirators to their fate, and believing that his old companion
+Perkins would be nicely left in the lurch; but by a strange coincidence,
+that personage had entertained a similar notion with regard to his
+associate, and had got away first, so that the recreant couple had been
+equally deep in their cowardice and duplicity.
+</p>
+<p>
+It appeared that Fisher, who had volunteered the horrible office of
+knacker upon the coach-horse of the king, disclosed to Lord Portland the
+particulars of the plot, and the result was that several more of the
+traitors, finding confession the order of the day, went forward to tell
+not only all they knew, but a great deal more that they had invented for
+the sake of having something to communicate. This glut of confidential
+intelligence was so embarrassing, that the Government did not know what to
+believe or what to doubt; but nevertheless a proclamation was issued,
+offering �1000 and a pardon to any gentleman involved in the scheme, who
+would be fool enough to criminate himself, and villain enough to betray
+his accomplices. There were, of course, several candidates for the cash,
+and disclosures at �1000 each poured in at such a rapid rate, that it was
+difficult to meet the demands made on the treasury, on account of the news
+for which the Government had advertised. To make a long story short,
+several were tried, found guilty, and executed, for having shared in the
+treasonable design against William, and among them was one Keys, a
+trumpeter, who was a mere instrument&mdash;like his own trumpet&mdash;in
+the hands of any one by whom he could be played upon.
+</p>
+<p>
+William's popularity increased, on account of the plots that had been put
+into operation against him; for it is a beautiful trait in the English
+character, that the people will become suddenly attracted towards any one
+who seems to be an object of dislike to others. Unfortunately, however,
+this generosity is somewhat inconsistent in its nature, for it is usually
+accompanied by an excess of illiberality in an opposite direction, and if
+a man is a martyr to a spirit of hostility, the sympathy evinced for him
+by the public is joined with a savage desire to make martyrs of his
+enemies. Upon this principle, poor Sir John Fenwick was pounced upon for
+having compassed or imagined the death of the king, and though there is
+every reason to believe that such an idea was quite out of the compass of
+his wildest imagination, he was brought to the scaffold.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is doubtful, notwithstanding the fuss we now make&mdash;and, indeed,
+have been making ever since the event&mdash;about the glorious Revolution
+of 1688, whether we really had anything like full value for the trouble it
+occasioned us. However numerous the blessings we have since derived from
+it, we must contend that it did not pay in the first instance; for as long
+as England derived no other advantage than William for its king, the good
+achieved by the Revolution of 1688 must be considered rather more than
+dubious. He spent his own time and his new country's money in sustaining
+his own title against the attacks made upon it by foreign powers, whose
+interest in supporting the doctrine of the "right divine of kings to
+govern wrong," kept them constantly in a state of active sympathy with
+James, whose misconduct had caused his forfeiture of the crown, which
+would otherwise have been legitimately his beyond the power of any one on
+earth to take it away from him. William was consequently at perpetual
+warfare with some of the continental states; and it was only when he got
+into discredit with his subjects that he seemed to rise in favour with
+some of the absolute monarchs, who then, for the first time, appeared
+disposed to bear with him. Louis of France listened to the terms of an
+arrangement; but he never intended to keep faith with William, and was, in
+fact, intriguing with Spain to defeat the very project he pretended to be
+willing to carry out with the duped majesty of England. It was evident
+that the British public did not look with favour upon the individual that
+had been chosen to enact the part of king; and though, like the frogs in
+the fable, the people had rejoiced in being relieved from the devouring
+stork of absolutism embodied in the Stuarts, the Dutch log of which
+William formed the type was quite as distasteful to the nation in general.
+</p>
+<p>
+It would be most unprofitable to unravel the tangled thread of events that
+made up the complicated but most uninteresting annals of this worrying
+reign, which was distinguished by the multiplicity and the pettiness of
+the disputes between the prince and a portion of his people. The
+loggishness of the sovereign seemed to affect the whole nation with the
+loggerheads; and not only were parties arrayed against each other, but on
+some occasions the Lords and the Commons came into very serious collision.
+The disputes in which William was involved with foreign governments were
+exceedingly costly to his own country, but he finally, on the 7th of
+September, 1701, after having been a party to several treaties that had
+been either violated or "gone off," entered into a "second grand alliance"
+at the Hague, with various powers. By this arrangement all the parties
+were bound to provide men and money, which their people of course had to
+pay; and the emperor, who had made himself liable to furnish a
+contingency, was so excessively hard up, that he was compelled to borrow
+the money upon his quicksilver mines; but no silver, however quick, could
+keep pace with the rapidity with which the money was called for and got
+rid of.
+</p>
+<p>
+We will now return for a few minutes to James the Second, who was in a
+very bad way at St. Germains, and was understood to have been dying all
+the summer. At length, on Friday, the 2nd of September, he was taken very
+bad indeed with a fainting fit, but got better, until another and another
+still succeeded; and the last fit was stronger than the first. On Tuesday,
+the 13th, Louis came to his bedside to say "How d'ye do?" but poor James
+was unable to answer the polite and obliging inquiry, for he was almost
+without consciousness. Louis kindly endeavoured to comfort his last
+moments by promising to protect his family, and treat the nominal Prince
+of Wales as actual King of England, but this recognition was not likely to
+do much good either to the dead or the living, as the only parties who
+were capable of giving it effect, namely, the English people, would have
+nothing whatever to do with it. Poor James, who was dosed with a great
+deal of medicine, and swallowed no end of James's powders, was now beyond
+the aid of medical skill, and he died on the 16th of September, 1701, at
+the age of sixty-seven. An attempt was made to pitchfork this very
+indifferent sovereign into the Roman Calendar as a first-rate saint; but
+there has never been any disposition among the English to award him the
+honours of martyrdom.
+</p>
+<p>
+William was by no means the thing in his own health, when the news of the
+death of James was brought to him. A report was indeed spread that, like a
+bill at thirty days, he had only a month to run; but this rumour was
+circulated by the friends of Louis the Fourteenth, who fancied that if
+William was once out of the way, the <i>grand monarque</i> might be as
+potent in Europe as the bull of fabled lore was at his ease in the china
+shop. William had been in Holland, where he was really dangerously ill;
+but he contrived to get back to England, where he dissolved Parliament in
+November, 1701, and called a new one together, which met on the 31st of
+December, to see the old year out and the new year in, and for the
+despatch of business. The king made a long and rather an effective speech,
+which had been written expressly for the occasion by Lord Somers, and had
+a great effect in giving an impetus to the waning fidelity of the people
+towards the sovereign of their selection. They might, however, have
+exclaimed with the poet, that they "never loved a young&mdash;or old&mdash;gazelle,"
+without the usual unhappy result; for just as they were getting to know
+William well, and love him&mdash;or at least to pretend to do so&mdash;he
+was attacked in such a manner as to make him "sure to die." He had been a
+great deal shaken by the severity of the winter; but it was hoped he would
+recover in the spring, which he probably might have done, but for an
+accident that befel him on the road between Kensington and Hammersmith.
+"A-hunting he would go, would go" in that savage suburb, whose wildness is
+remarkable to this day, and his horse coming to a block of stone, was
+unfortunate enough to find it a regular stumbling-block. William was
+thrown with some force, and experienced a fracture of the collar-bone,
+when, having been removed to Hampton Court, the medical men began to
+quarrel about the treatment of his majesty. They of course made no bones
+about setting the collar; but a dispute arose about the necessity for
+bleeding the king, and in the heat of the argument, the physicians all
+pulled at his pulse with such fury, that they unset the bone "while
+intending," says Burnet, "to make a dead set at one another." The doctors
+continuing fractious, the fracture got worse, and at length, on the 8th of
+March, 1702, the royal patient expired. He had reigned thirteen years and
+a half, and was in the fifty-second year of his age, when the fatal
+catastrophe happened.
+</p>
+<p>
+The character of William will not add much to the reputation of British
+royalty in former days, when sovereigns were so bad that they would never
+have been allowed to pass current in times like these, in which there is a
+disposition to examine closely the weight and quality of the metal. He was
+by no means popular when alive, and bad characters do not, like old port,
+improve by keeping. The state of parties during his reign made him the
+centre in which a great deal of odium met, for he happened to form in his
+own person the embodiment, or rather the representative, of certain
+principles which were regarded with the utmost aversion by many.
+</p>
+<p>
+The most valuable attribute of William, which has handed him down as an
+object of respect and even of enthusiasm in the minds of some, is the fact
+of the question of constitutional monarchy having been settled in the
+affirmative by his elevation to the throne of England. His case is
+certainly valuable as a precedent, but its greatest value consists in the
+probability that its existence will spare the country hereafter from the
+disagreeable necessity of being obliged to follow it. English sovereigns
+have learned the possibility of their being set aside like James the
+Second, and replaced by one who, like William the Third, owed his power to
+the will of the people. Such Revolutions as that of 1688, notwithstanding
+the glorious character that belongs to it, are better as beacons for
+rulers than as precedents for the people, since a change of dynasty,
+however constitutionally effected, must be at all times an unpleasant, not
+to say a deplorable process.
+</p>
+<p>
+William the Third is entitled to the very highest admiration for having
+succeeded in holding firmly a position from which the slightest
+vacillation would have inevitably shaken him. His early stipulation for
+all the throne or none, and his repudiation of the right of his wife to
+interfere, though domestically harsh, was politically respectable. The
+constitution underwent during his reign some of the most substantial and
+valuable repairs that were ever bestowed upon it, either before or since,
+notwithstanding some very high-sounding nominal advantages that the
+country has in ancient and modern times experienced. It was in William's
+reign that the Commons took the purse-strings of the country tightly in
+hand, and the censorship of the Press was, during the same period,
+permitted to expire. The judges were secured in their places during good
+behaviour; and members of the Privy Council being compelled, by the Act of
+Settlement, to sign the measures they proposed, we obtained from William's
+reign the blessing of a responsible Cabinet. It is true that official
+heads fell more frequently before than since, but the great salubrity of
+the provision to which we allude is shown in the fact that it has secured
+the good conduct of ministers so effectually, as to have preserved their
+heads upon their shoulders. It is a curious truth that the National Debt
+increased marvellously during William's reign, and there would seem,
+therefore, to be some reason for the common assertion, that this
+tremendous liability is a mark of our national prosperity. It certainly
+proves our credit to be good, as a load of debt in the case of an
+individual would make it evident that his tradesmen had trusted him; but
+no one will contend that, on that account, he must be considered more
+prosperous.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was the great increase of the Government expenses that had caused the
+augmentation of the National Debt, and afforded another illustration of
+the infallible principle, that nothing good can be had without liberally
+paying for. We might get a republic done for us no doubt at a hundredth
+part&mdash;or less&mdash;of the cost of our present excellent
+constitutional monarchy; but we do not think any reasonable person would
+feel very anxious to try the cheap and nasty experiment.
+</p>
+<p>
+Some historians who have preceded us, fall into what we consider the error
+of eulogising William as if he had been the author of all the good that
+occurred in his reign, when the fact is that a great deal was
+accomplished, not alone without his agency, but actually in spite of him.
+When he came, or rather when he was called to the throne, the nation had
+profited by experience, and had become equally sensible to the dangers of
+democratic excess and of absolute monarchy. The tyranny of the Republic,
+no less than that of the Stuarts, had pointed out the safety of a middle
+course between the two sorts of despotism; and William, as a very middling
+person in every respect, was well adapted for the situation that appeared
+to be made for him. It was owing to no particular merit on his part that
+his reign was not arbitrary, for he sometimes tried his hardest to make it
+so; but the good sense of the nation, sharpened by the troubles it had
+lately passed through, preserved it against further victimisation at the
+hands of either kings or demagogues.
+</p>
+<p>
+As the first really constitutional sovereign, William is, we repeat,
+entitled to our respect and admiration; but we must not forget that the
+people themselves made the mould to which, we will admit, he was
+exceedingly well adapted, for he was pliable enough to take the right
+impress, and sufficiently firm to give body and substance to the nation's
+<i>beau ideal</i> of a limited monarchy.
+</p>
+<p>
+THE accession of Anne to the throne of her Anne-cestors, as Hume in a most
+humiliating attempt at humour hath it, was hailed with general
+satisfaction, for it usually happens that a new reign is welcomed on the
+old principle of "anything for a change," and most people expect that some
+good may come out of it. It will be remembered that Anne was originally a
+Miss Hyde, being the child of James by his first wife&mdash;the daughter
+of Old Hyde, afterwards Earl of Clarendon; and she had been married to the
+young man known among his familiar friends as "Georgey Porgey, Prince of
+Denmark."
+</p>
+<p>
+It is a beautiful remark of Thomson, that "the women never can keep
+quiet;" and Anne soon realised this estimate of the female character by
+declaring war against France with the utmost promptitude. The Commons
+voted the supplies necessary.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0055" id="link2HCH0055"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE THIRD. QUEEN ANNE.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0207" id="linkimage-0207"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/628m.jpg" alt="628m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/628.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+HE Dutch and the Germans perceiving that the King of France had "got no
+friends," felt that the time had arrived for hitting him, and echoed the
+English declaration of war, though their puny voices came upon the French
+monarch's ear like the penny whistle after the full-blown ophicleide.
+Marlborough was appointed <i>generalissimo</i> of the allied army, and he
+certainly proved himself worthy of the confidence reposed in him. He made
+the Low Countries lower than they had ever been before, and subsequently
+throwing himself upon Bavaria, he swept the independent elector before
+him, leaving that unhappy individual to make his election between flight
+and compromise.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 12th of August, 1704, Marlborough observed the enemy marking out a
+camp near Blenheim, and merely muttering to himself, "So so, my fine
+fellows; that's what you're after, is it?" he resolved on their instant
+discomforture. He determined to give battle, and on the 13th,
+notwithstanding a swampy country, which greatly tested his determination
+to stick at nothing, he commenced an attack in three columns, each of
+which behaved so gallantly as to have deserved a supplementary column to
+its memory. The contest was exceedingly fierce on both sides; but the
+superior skill of Marlborough rendered the English victorious. The general
+was rewarded by the grant of an estate, upon which was built a magnificent
+mansion called Blenheim, after the place near which the battle was fought;
+and future Dukes of Marlborough have turned many an honest, though not a
+very honourable shilling, by sharing with the housekeeper and other
+servants the gratuities received from the visitors to this splendid
+monument of a country's generosity.
+</p>
+<p>
+England could not rest satisfied without interfering in the disputes of
+other states, and had lent a helping hand to the Archduke Charles of
+Austria, who was playing a sort of game at bob-cherry with the Spanish
+crown, which hung suspended over his head in a very tempting manner. A
+fleet was sent under Admiral Sir George Booke to convey the archduke to
+Lisbon; and Booke, who was as cunning as an old crow, proceeded towards
+Barcelona, which would have been nuts for him had he succeeded in taking
+it. In this attempt, however, he failed; but putting his vessel astern,
+and altering her gib towards Gibraltar, he made an attack on the fortress,
+which he took with the utmost facility. For this service the conqueror was
+rewarded with an empty vote of thanks, and he had no sooner got the copy
+of the resolution than he put it in his pipe and smoked it&mdash;according
+to some; or, as others say, he merely lighted his pipe with the valueless
+document.
+</p>
+<p>
+Domestic affairs did not progress very pleasantly, and the English began
+to quarrel with the Scotch, who evinced their national propensity to come
+to the scratch in a very annoying manner. The Parliaments of the two
+countries came into decided collision and the English legislature having
+prohibited the importation of Scotch heifers, "there arose," says Swindle,
+"a heffervescence of the most deplorable character." The queen proposed
+that there should be an immediate union of the two Parliaments; but the
+little matter could not be arranged; and as the two negatives could hot be
+induced to make an affirmative, Anne put an end to both by a dissolution.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the summer of 1705, Marlborough, who had been waiting on the banks of
+the Blue Moselle, forced the French lines, and very hard lines they proved
+both to the vanquished and the victors.
+</p>
+<p>
+We must here be permitted to introduce the beautiful episode of Sir Isaac
+Newton, and turn from the turmoils of war to the peaceful pursuits of
+science. We are sure we shall not be accused of irrelevancy if we step
+aside from the rushing stream of history which, like a cataract, is
+hurrying us rapidly along, and enjoy a few moments of calm reflection on
+the life and merits of the great philosopher.
+</p>
+<p>
+Isaac Newton was born in 1642, and came as unusually little into the world
+as he went greatly, and indeed gigantically, out of it. His mother
+declared he might have been put into a quart pot at his birth, and
+therefore, had he been always judged by the rule of "measures not men," he
+would never have attained the elevation he has arrived at. In early
+boyhood he displayed a great mechanical turn, and buying a box of
+carpenter's tools, he got perhaps the first insight into plane geometry,
+and deduced from a few wise saws, a variety of modern instances. He was
+very fond of measuring time, but not by its loss alone, for he constructed
+a wooden clock, and ascertained the position of the sun by driving nails
+into the wall&mdash;hitting, no doubt, the right one on the head very
+readily. Having a shrewd suspicion that there was something in the wind,
+he would occupy himself in leaping with it and against it, to ascertain
+its power. These pranks did not elevate him much in his class, of which he
+was generally at the bottom; for the routine of his school education did
+not include trials of strength with old Boreas, and the other exciting
+pursuits in which Master Isaac Newton indulged himself. In course of time
+he was removed to Cambridge, where the works of Des-Cartes fell into his
+hands, and where those ponderous volumes, from their soporific effect upon
+youth, often fall out of the hands they have fallen into. Young Newton
+grasped them with energy, and he soon profited amazingly by their
+contents, which set his own mind at work to add to the stock of discovery
+already in existence. During the great plague in 1665, he was compelled to
+leave Cambridge for a rural retirement, though the rustication was not of
+the ordinary kind: and while sitting in an orchard, "his custom sometimes
+of an afternoon," an apple fell upon his head with considerable violence.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0208" id="linkimage-0208"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/631m.jpg" alt="631m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/631.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+Beginning to reason from this "<i>argumentum ad hominem</i>," he asked
+himself why every other object did not at once fall to the earth; and he
+even speculated on the possibility of the moon alighting heavily, and
+leaving him in a literally moon-struck condition. It was some time before
+he discovered the laws of gravitation by which the apple had been carried
+to his head; and it is not true, as is commonly believed, that he was
+struck all of a heap with the great truths that he has given to posterity.
+They were published in 1687, at the expense of the Royal Society, under
+the title of the "Principia;" and it is a curious fact, that the critics
+of the day were not altogether pleased with it. Some few pronounced it "a
+work that ought to be on every gentleman's sideboard," and our old friend,
+the evening paper, patronised it as a production that might "repay
+perusal;" * but some very learned, very cold, very dull, and very stupid,
+"gentlemen of the press" "regretted that Mr. Newton should have wasted so
+much time upon a work of such a description." They were angry with him for
+what they considered his levity in popularising serious matters, and
+advised him to keep his hands off the moon, which was far too lofty a
+subject for him to meddle with.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* A curious puzzle has been suggested by a celebrated
+arithmetician, who has expressed a desire to know how many
+of the works that the reviewers say will "repay perusal" are
+likely to "repay the printer."
+</pre>
+<p>
+It has been noticed as a very unaccountable circumstance, that Newton
+never made any important addition to scientific discovery after he had
+completed his forty-fifth year; though he lived to be eighty-four, and had
+therefore got beyond the period at which the poet's apostrophe, "<i>O Vir
+be-eighty</i>," might have been addressed to him. He was exceedingly fond
+of tobacco, and it is believed that he felt more at home in his
+astronomical reflections when he could envelop himself in a cloud of his
+own blowing. The old saying, that "There is no smoke without fire,"
+received an apt confirmation from the fact that Newton was scarcely ever
+without a pipe in his mouth during the most brilliant and blazing period
+of his genius.
+</p>
+<p>
+We now return to Anne, who, <i>anno</i> 1705, went to Cambridge, where she
+knighted Mr. Newton, who was the Mathematical Professor at Trinity
+College. We feel we ought not to pass over in silence a piece of wonderful
+self-denial on the part of a lawyer, which gives to this reign a
+peculiarity that ought to make it stand apart from all that have preceded
+or followed it. There had been formerly an old custom of making a present
+to the Lord Chancellor on New Year's Day, at the cost of the
+practitioners, who usually contributed about �1500, which previous keepers
+of the royal conscience had most unconscientiously pocketed. To the great
+honour of Lord Chancellor Cowper be it spoken, he declined the proffered
+bonus, which appeared to him to resemble somewhat too closely a bribe, and
+thus set an early example of disinterestedness, by which the tone of
+judicial morality was improved, and has at last reached the perfection we
+have at the present day the satisfaction of witnessing.
+</p>
+<p>
+The subject of the Union between England and Scotland, which had from time
+to time been discussed, was at length taken into serious consideration at
+a place called the Cockpit, from which the reader must not infer that it
+was considered as a sporting event, and that the betting men were chiefly
+interested in promoting it. After a great deal of disagreement, the
+preliminaries were ultimately settled, and on the 6th of March, 1707, the
+royal assent was given to the Act of Union. There were no less than
+twenty-five articles, by the majority of which the Scotch had been cunning
+enough to make the best bargain for themselves; and they had taken care
+that if the British Lion got the lion's share, they would at least secure
+the fox's perquisites. The Union took effect from the 1st of May, and the
+queen went in state to St. Paul's, to celebrate the event with due
+solemnity.
+</p>
+<p>
+The 22nd of October, in the same year, derives a mournful interest from
+the loss of poor Shovel, whose ship got scuttled on the rocks of Scilly,
+and though Shovel himself went at it "poker and tongs" to save the vessel,
+his own and two others were involved in the same* calamity.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 28th of October, 1708, the queen lost her husband, Prince George of
+Denmark, who died of asthma at Kensington. His malady of course prevented
+him from having a voice in public affairs; but, if he had had one, he
+would certainly have been afraid of using it. He combined the mildness of
+the moonbeam with the stupidity of the jackass, and not only had he been
+born with a silver spoon in his mouth, but he had become one entire spoon&mdash;fiddle-head
+and all&mdash;in his excessive pliability. He was, however, one of those
+spoons that made very little stir, and his removal from the busy scene of
+life left a gap that was scarcely perceptible. Within little better than
+three months, both Houses of Parliament addressed the queen, imploring her
+to marry again, which shows that they did not estimate very highly her
+grief at the loss of her first husband. Her majesty's reply contained no
+specific answer to the petition, but intimated her belief that a decided
+response was not expected by the applicants.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 5th of November in the same year a political parson, named Dr.
+Sacheverel, began to raise the since famous cry of "Church in danger,"
+which, like that of "Wolf," has been since so frequently and foolishly set
+up, that it stands a chance of being neglected when it really may require
+attention. The object of all the rant in which this noisy churchman
+indulged, was to obtain popularity, flavoured with a spice of martyrdom,
+and his opponents being silly enough to fall into the trap, they kept up
+the ball for him with a vivacity that must have equalled his most sanguine
+desire. Like a shuttlecock, that must drop to the ground if its elevation
+is not secured by frequent blows, Sacheverel would have tumbled
+irredeemably to the earth, if he had not been kept aloft by the knocks he
+experienced. He was ultimately exalted into the position of a delinquent
+standing to take his trial at the bar of the House of Lords; and when he
+was found guilty of having preached a sermon, warning the public of danger
+to the Church, he had reached the highest point of glory in the estimation
+of the large mass of people who are under the influence of bigotry and
+prejudice. He was condemned to forbear from preaching for three years; but
+his sentence not excluding him from accepting a good living, one was
+placed at his disposal immediately afterwards. The reverend sufferer for
+conscience' sake eventually got something still better, in the form of the
+living of St. Andrew's, Holbom, where, finding it no longer worth his
+while to quarrel with the Government, he sought a vent for his turbulent
+disposition in repeated rows with his parishioners. His first sermon after
+his new appointment sold forty thousand copies, and a little calculation
+will give some idea of what the reverend gentleman's martyrdom brought him
+in from first to last in the shape of livings, copyrights, and other
+contingencies that arise out of a well-managed popularity.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the latter end of 1711, some very disreputable disclosures, in which
+the Duke of Marlborough and Mr. Walpole were chiefly involved, were
+brought before the House of Commons. Marlborough, not satisfied with his
+pay, pensions, and other emoluments, had been taking a percentage on every
+transaction in which he had been confidentially concerned; while Walpole,
+in his capacity of Secretary at War, had been playing the same game as the
+illustrious soldier. Marlborough and his wife were in the enjoyment of
+upwards of �60,000 a year, so that there was no excuse for them on the
+score of poverty; and even if they had been in want of cash, they might
+have done what, as we have already hinted, their successors have done
+since, namely, shown Blenheim to the public, and shared with their own
+domestics the daily proceeds. The duke and duchess were deprived of their
+offices, while Mr. Walpole was expelled from the House of Commons, amid a
+chorus of "Serve him right!" from nearly the whole of his
+fellow-countrymen.
+</p>
+<p>
+Marlborough was further accused by Lord Paulet of having knocked his own
+officers on the head, in order to be enabled to sell their commissions;
+but this would seem to have been a most superfluous piece of atrocity, for
+he might have easily got their heads knocked off in a more regular and
+reputable manner, by exposing them to the blows of the enemy. The duke
+challenged Lord Paulet for having made this assertion; but after an
+interchange of hostile messages, the seconds contrived so to complicate
+the business as to lose sight of the real matter of dispute, and the duel
+was prevented. The reputation of Marlborough was so damaged by what had
+taken place, that he obtained permission of the queen to go abroad, and he
+crossed over to Ostend, in the vague hope that a sea voyage might have the
+same effect it is said to produce on a bottle of Madeira, and cause an
+improvement of his quality.
+</p>
+<p>
+The disgrace of the British general had been fortunately delayed till the
+period when his services were no longer required, for the treaty of
+Utrecht, which was signed on the 30th of March, 1713, secured the peace of
+Europe. By this celebrated arrangement the Protestant succession in
+England was formally recognised; the crowns of France and Spain were split
+into two, giving those countries one apiece; the harbour of Dunkirk was
+demolished, and other little matters of difference settled to the
+satisfaction of all parties, except the Emperor of Germany, who stood
+aside in a corner by himself, objecting to everything.
+</p>
+<p>
+Just before the close of the year, while political matters of importance
+were on foot, the gout laid Queen Anne by the heels, at Windsor, and the
+funds suffered in sympathy with the toe of royalty. There was a rapid run
+upon the bank; but the gout abating so far as to enable her majesty to
+bear the weight of a shoe, the pressure was relieved immediately and the
+country stood much as before, which may also be said of the sovereign.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0209" id="linkimage-0209"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/635m.jpg" alt="635m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/635.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+On the 2nd of March, 1714, the queen came down in a sedan to open
+Parliament. Her use of the chair arose from her being very chary of her
+foot, which retained some of the effects of the havoc that gout had
+performed upon it. In the course of her speech she took the opportunity of
+assuring the House that the Protestant succession was not in danger, and
+the House of Commons subsequently assured itself of the same fact&mdash;as
+far as words could go&mdash;in a resolution that was carried by a large
+majority. These repeated assurances proved more than anything else that
+the Protestant succession was not quite so safe as the queen and the
+Parliament could have desired, and a number of precautionary measures
+directed against the Pretender and the Jacobites furnished still stronger
+proofs that the Government really entertained the fears it seemed so very
+anxious to repudiate.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 29th of July, 1714, the queen, who was almost tired out by the
+disputes of her ministers, fell into a lethargy, and the Council, who had
+been quarrelling in the Cockpit, adjourned to Kensington.
+</p>
+<p>
+At this critical juncture, an individual of the name of Mr. Craggs
+suddenly started on to the canvas of history as a writer of a letter to
+the Elector of Brunswick, apprising him of the perilous condition of the
+queen, and telling him that his succession would be quietly provided for.
+On the 1st of August, poor Anne expired of dropsy, in the fiftieth year of
+her age, the thirteenth of her reign, the third of her gout, and the first
+of her lethargy.
+</p>
+<p>
+In person, Anne was of the middle size, as far as height was concerned;
+but if we look at her as a piece of measurement goods, and take her by her
+bulk, we shall have to put upon her a very different estimate. It cannot
+be said that she was one of Nature's favourites, though Nature had
+certainly made much of her, and perhaps more than the queen herself would
+have desired. Her hair was dark brown, and her complexion a sort of clear
+mahogany, while her nose standing prominently out from a very round face,
+gave her something the appearance of a perpendicular sun-dial. Her voice
+was as clear as a bell, and her tongue as active as the clapper. Her
+capacity was good, but her acquirements miserably few, and her mind
+therefore presented a resemblance to a fine site for building, which had
+remained uncovered for want of the necessary capital. She was very fond of
+hunting, but she had a very odd way of showing her fondness, for she used
+to follow the hounds in a pony chaise, which of course became a vehicle
+for a good deal of merriment. All historians concur in saying that she
+lived very fast, but whether it was in eating or in drinking that her
+weakness, or rather her strength, was shown, the various authorities are
+not yet agreed upon. She was a mother to her people, a master to her
+husband, a pattern to her own sex, and a terror to ours. She was
+obstinately attached to her own way, and it was only the fortunate
+feebleness of her intellect that prevented her from developing herself
+into that gigantic nuisance, a strong-minded woman. Though her own mental
+powers were not sufficient to throw lustre on her reign, it was rendered
+glorious by numerous men of learning and genius who were the
+contemporaries of her majesty. We have already enjoyed a paragraph or two
+with Newton, and we must not forget Locke, who furnished so many keys to
+the understanding and the difficult arts of government.
+</p>
+<p>
+Considering the fuss that has lately been made about the merit of having
+originated penny and twopenny publications, we ought not to forget that
+the modern claimants to the honour of the idea did but steal it from
+Steele, whose "Tatler," started in 1709, was followed by the "Spectator"
+and the "Guardian." To the more recent projectors of cheap periodicals we
+are quite ready to allow the originality of their assertion, that their
+speculations are not intended for their own profit, but to fulfil
+exclusively the great purpose of benefiting the community. In compliance
+with these large hearted and benevolent intentions, we may, we suppose,
+look with confidence to the day when the produce will be paid over for the
+benefit of the people, whom the existing race of cheap periodical
+proprietors love so very much better than they do themselves, if we are to
+believe their protestations and their prospectuses.
+</p>
+<p>
+We may at all events say for the reign of Anne, that it was much freer
+than the reign of Victoria from these wondrous professions of
+disinterestedness, which we have been waiting in vain, for the last ten
+years, to see carried into practice.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0056" id="link2HCH0056"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE FOURTH. GEORGE THE FIRST.
+</h2>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0210" id="linkimage-0210"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figleft" style="width:20%;">
+<img src="images/637m.jpg" alt="637m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/637.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+T is not without some feeling of humiliation and regret that the
+historian finds England so badly off for a sovereign as to be obliged to
+borrow one from abroad, and her throne in the seventeenth century, like
+her stage of the nineteenth, to be indebted for its support to foreign
+adaptations. The British Lion must have been a poor cub in those
+degenerate days, for there does not seem to have been a roar of
+remonstrance from that indifferent beast when the Elector of Hanover
+quietly took the crown from the royal bandbox, caused it to be altered to
+suit a gentleman's instead of a lady's head, and, using the sceptre for a
+walking stick, coolly stepped into the kingly office.
+</p>
+<p>
+This somewhat more than middle-aged gentleman was the eldest son of Ernest
+Augustus, first Elector&mdash;and anything but an independent elector&mdash;of
+Brunswick, and of the Princess Sophia, grand-daughter to James the First,
+through whom he had pretensions to a good title, though, oddly enough, the
+Stuart family being repudiated, the only legitimate portion of his claim
+was that which the country refused to recognise. It seemed, however, that
+England, after its numerous wars of succession, which had formed a long
+succession of wars, was resolved upon putting up with anything for peace
+and quietness&mdash;a contented disposition of which we have long
+experienced the blessings, inasmuch as it has given us a family of
+sovereigns under whose constitutional sway the country has enjoyed an
+unexampled degree of prosperity and happiness.
+</p>
+<p>
+George the First was a sober, decent, steady-going person of fifty-four
+when he arrived to undertake the superintendence of England, by the day,
+week, month, or year; and, in fact, to do monarch's work in general. He
+was proclaimed king in London, on the 1st of August, 1714, but was in no
+particular hurry to enter upon his new dignity, for he only arrived, <i>via</i>
+Greenwich, on the 18th of September, and his coronation took place on the
+20th of October following. He was of course old enough to know pretty well
+what he was about; and though he had attained that respectable maturity
+which, among the feathered tribe, is believed to form a protection against
+capture by chaff, he seems to have acted on the impression that younger
+birds might certainly be caught by the same unsatisfactory material. His
+first plan, therefore, upon his arrival, was to go about uttering what he
+called his "maxim," which he said was "never to abandon his friends, to do
+justice to all the world, and to fear no man." This egotistical puff for
+his own qualities may have been politic, but it was by no means dignified,
+and reminds us more of the old self-laudatory naval song, commencing "We
+tars have a maxim, d'ye see," than of any language or sentiment becoming
+to the mouth and mind of a monarch. If the English people had put upon the
+clap-trap sentiment of the Hanoverian its true interpretation, they would
+have seen that it pledged him more to his old subjects than engaged him to
+his new ones; and the result of his reign quite justified the view we are
+disposed to take of the meaning of his "maxim."
+</p>
+<p>
+Immediately on the death of Anne, the Privy Council had met and deputed
+the Earl of Dorset to go over and apprise George of his accession to the
+Crown, when the earl mixed up the announcement with so many fulsome
+compliments, that flattery took the name of Dorset butter&mdash;a figure
+that has remained in force from those days to the present.
+</p>
+<p>
+One of the best, and perhaps the boldest acts of the Council, was the
+appointment of Mr. Addison&mdash;the celebrated contributor to what was
+termed <i>par excellence</i> the P. P. or popular periodical of the day&mdash;to
+a post in the Government. The late ministry had been ignominiously
+displaced, and Bolingbroke used to dangle about at the door of the
+Council-room with a bag of papers in his hand, expecting, or at least
+hoping to be called in, while menials were instructed to deride, or, as
+the modern phrase has it, to "chaff" him in the passages. Bolingbroke was
+mean enough to brook even this for the chance of place; but he would
+occasionally turn round and shake his fist, including his bag, in a
+menacing manner at the crew who passed upon him these insults.
+Occasionally they would slap him on the back, exclaiming, "Well, Bolly, my
+boy, you are indeed a regular out-and-outer." Nor can it be doubted that,
+had the air been popular at the period, the Ethiopian melody of "Who's dat
+knocking at de door?" would have been frequently sung or whistled in the
+face of Bolingbroke by the scamps in the waiting-room.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0211" id="linkimage-0211"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="figright" style="width:30%;">
+<img src="images/639m.jpg" alt="639m " width="100%" /><br />
+
+<a href="images/639.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</div>
+<p>
+The king had only just arrived, and had merely gone into his bedroom to
+put on a clean collar&mdash;that of the Order of the Garter, if we may
+hazard a shrewd guess&mdash;when a party of Whigs rushed in, and began to
+ear-whig him with the utmost industry. In fact, the touting that took
+place for the vacant offices can only be imagined by an individual who has
+once landed at Boulogne, and found him-self torn to pieces by the hirsute
+representatives of some fifty hotels, each anxious to accommodate the new
+arrival. The whole of the Whig party pounced upon George, and thrust their
+pretensions before him with the perseverance of the class of Frenchmen,
+commonly called commissioners, to whom we have alluded. As these persons
+snatch at a traveller's cloak, walking-stick, or carpet-bag, the Whig
+touters almost snatched at gold sticks, official portfolios, or anything
+else they could lay their hands upon. "Allow me to take charge of your
+conscience, sir," roared Lord Cowper; "you'll find it very heavy to carry,
+sir; pray give it to me, sir; I'll take it down for you, sir;" and thus
+the Chancellorship was in a measure seized by this determined
+place-hunter. "You'll lose that privy seal, sir, if you don't take care,"
+bellowed the Earl of Wharton; "you had much better entrust it to me; there
+are some very bad characters about just now,"&mdash;and thus, by a mixture
+of warning and worry, the privy seal was secured for himself by the
+rapacious nobleman.
+</p>
+<p>
+Bolingbroke, after hanging about the official passages for a short time
+longer, now listening at the door, now peeping through the keyhole, and
+alternately bullied or bantered by his more fortunate rivals as they
+passed to and fro, resolved on flying to the Continent. Several
+significant exclamations of "You'd better be off!" "Come, come, this won't
+do!" and "We can't have a parcel of idle fellows lurking about the
+Treasury!" convinced him that he had nothing to hope, and everything to
+fear from the new Parliament. He accordingly took from the corner of his
+sitting-room an old official wand, and sobbing out, "Farewell, my once
+cherished stick!" he cut it for ever. The monopoly of all the snug places
+by the Whigs rendered them extremely overbearing, and as "Britons never,
+never, never will be slaves" to the same party for any considerable length
+of time, they became impatient of Whig arrogance, and ready for an
+alterative in the shape of some regular old Tory tyranny. The king became
+unpopular, and his birthday passed over without the smallest notice, as if
+to hint to him that he was not to be borne at all, unless he changed his
+system.
+</p>
+<p>
+George, instead of conciliating, attempted to crush the disaffected, and
+like a bad equestrian mounted on a restive horse, he began pulling at the
+rein ana tightening the curb, instead of mildly but firmly exclaiming,
+"Wo, wo, boys! steady, boys; steady!" to his now somewhat frisky people.
+The Habeas Corpus Act&mdash;the great British Free List&mdash;was
+suspended, and the Pretender was used as a pretence to alarm the people,
+and reconcile them to the most arbitrary measures. The Riot Act was in
+this year, 1715, read a third time and passed, but it has this
+peculiarity, which distinguishes it from every other legislative Act, that
+it requires to be read again on every occasion of its being brought into
+requisition.
+</p>
+<p>
+These measures only added fuel to the fire that was now setting the
+country in a blaze; and even the University of Oxford was threatened with
+assault by Major-General Pepper, who was the first to make the now
+venerable joke about mustard, which, with all our courage, we confess we
+dare not chronicle.*
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* The curious reader is referred to "Joe Miller." Perhaps
+the edition brought out under the title of "The Family Joe
+Miller," is the best for the student's purposes.
+</pre>
+<p>
+In the north, the insurrection took a very bold form, and Mr. Forster, a
+gentleman of great ability&mdash;a barrister, we believe&mdash;joined with
+the Earl of Derwentwater, who was ready with all his retainers, the only
+kind of retainers, by the way, with which his learned colleague was at all
+familiar. Being joined by some gentlemen in blue bonnets, who had come
+from over the border, they proclaimed the Pretender, and would have seized
+upon Newcastle, with the intention of sparing the coals and sacking only
+the city; but the gate had been shut, and the whole party was not strong
+enough to force it open. They retired therefore to Hexham, and a literary
+gentleman among them bewailed their failure as he sat in the coffee-room
+of the inn at Hexham, in doleful hexameters. They next retired by way of
+Lancaster to Preston, whose Pans they hoped would prove preserving pans to
+themselves; but General Wills being sent to attack them, proved the fact,
+that where there are the Wills there are always the ways of accomplishing
+an object.
+</p>
+<p>
+Mr. Forster, hearing that there was no hope, despatched a trumpeter&mdash;a
+gentlemanly young man, who was quite equal to a solo of the kind&mdash;to
+negociate a treaty. He could get no other answer than an intimation that
+the rebels might expect to be slaughtered; and, being very much cut up by
+the news, they wisely resolved to surrender. The noblemen and officers of
+the party were sent to London, where they were led through the streets
+bound together and pinioned, which caused one of them to wish that his
+pinions were those of a bird, so that he might be enabled to fly away from
+his captivity. Though the Pretender must have known, or might have known,
+that his pretentions were about as hopeless as they could possibly be, he
+resolved on landing in Scotland, and he positively arrived with nothing
+more than a special train of six gentlemen. He came in disguise, and
+passed through Aberdeen without being known, till he came to Feterosse,
+where he was met by the Earl of Mar and thirty nobles of the first
+quality, though all their quality could not of course make up for their
+lamentable deficiency in quantity. When the Pretender saw his friend's
+beggarly show of adherents, he addressed Mar with great levity, telling
+him he had been "a sad Mar to his hopes," and indulged in other poor
+frivolities. "As I've come, however," he added, "I may as well be
+proclaimed." And the ceremony was gone through with mock gravity. He next
+proceeded to Scone, "for," said he, "we must have a coronation, you know."
+And he behaved altogether in such a manner as to lead us to believe that
+he relished the ludicrous points of his own very ridiculous position.
+Having gone so far in the mockery, he crowned the absurdity instead of
+being crowned himself, by making a speech to his grand council, intimating
+that he had no arms to fight with, no ammunition to load the arms with if
+he possessed any, and no money to purchase the ammunition if he felt
+disposed to try its effects upon his enemies. Under these circumstances,
+he intimated that his presence among them should be regarded as a flying
+visit, just to say "How d'ye do?" and "Good-bye"; after which, with the
+latter salutation on his lips, he popped into a boat, and was "off again"
+for the Continent.
+</p>
+<p>
+Instead of allowing this miserable rebellion to die a natural death&mdash;we
+cannot say that it ended in smoke, for the rebels had no money to purchase
+gunpowder&mdash;the Government of the day had the rashness to keep the
+thing alive by prosecuting those who had been concerned in it. Half a
+dozen nobles were seized and put upon their trial, when the poor creatures
+whimpering out an acknowledgment of their guilt, were sentenced to death,
+and two were taken to the scaffold. A third, the Lord Nithesdale, had also
+been condemned; but his mother having come to see him in prison, they got
+up between them a dramatic incident, by effecting an exchange of dress;
+and while the lady remained in gaol like a man, the gentleman walked away
+in female attire.
+</p>
+<p>
+The prosecutions were not limited to the chiefs of this rebellious
+movement&mdash;if that can be called a movement which stuck fast in its
+very first steps&mdash;but some of the humblest adherents, or suspected
+adherents, of the Pretender's cause were included in the proceedings taken
+by the Government. Several were hanged, and some hundreds experienced what
+was facetiously termed the "royal mercy," by undergoing transportation for
+life to North America. This unnecessary and injudicious rigour had the
+effect of making the Government so unpopular, that, although according to
+the Triennial Act the Parliament ought to have been dissolved, the
+ministers were afraid of appealing to the country, and formed the
+audacious determination to introduce a Septennial Act, which, by the force
+of perseverance and impudence combined, was positively carried. Though
+George resided personally in England, his heart had never quitted Hanover,
+and he was continually keeping his eye upon the aggrandisement of that
+paltry electorate. For this purpose, he made free use of English money;
+and having intelligence at all times of the small duchies that the poverty
+of their owners occasionally threw into the market, he picked up those of
+Bremen and Verden at a very low figure.
+</p>
+<p>
+Among the inconveniences occasioned to this country by allowing the
+sceptre to get into foreign hands, was the involving of England in foreign
+quarrels about foreign interests. Spain being in an unpleasant
+predicament, called upon George the First to join a league in her favour,
+and threatened to repudiate his claims to his dismal little duchies of
+Bremen and Verden, if he did not take the step that was required of him.
+As he could not well commit himself thus far, a war was commenced against
+England, and a Spanish expedition under the Duke of Ormond was fitted out
+to make a descent upon Scotland. With that happy adroitness in ruling the
+waves for which Britannia has long been celebrated, she caused them to
+rise as one billow against the hostile fleet, which was rapidly dispersed
+by the ocean's uppishness. Though the buoyancy of Britain, assisted by the
+boisterous energy of the sea, defeated the attempts of foreign powers, the
+internal condition of the country was far from satisfactory. King George
+neither comprehended the character nor the language of his new subjects,
+and a good understanding between the prince and the people was therefore
+impossible. His majesty spent as much time and as much money as he could
+upon the Continent, leaving his ministers to propose what measures they
+pleased, while he transmitted by post his consent to them, without
+knowing, or caring to inquire their object.
+</p>
+<p>
+Perhaps, however, the heaviest blow that England's prosperity ever
+received was the result of one of the most marvellous instances on record
+of a co-operation between knavery and folly. To add to the extraordinary
+character of the infatuation we are about to record, the scheme that led
+to it was not original, and the victims had consequently received a
+warning by which they failed to profit. A Scotchman of the name of Law had
+swindled the whole of France by starting a company to pick up fortunes in
+the Mississippi, which proved one of the most gigantic misses ever known;
+but as one batch of fools will make many, it was calculated, shrewdly
+enough, that the Mississippi hoax, instead of putting people on their
+guard against fraud, would have just the effect of preparing them to be
+taken in by it.
+</p>
+<p>
+A scrivener named Blunt&mdash;a fellow of uncommon sharpness, whose name
+is emblematical of a great partiality for cash&mdash;suggested a concern
+called the South Sea Company, which was to purchase all the debts due from
+the Government to all trading corporations, and thus become the sole
+creditor of the State. The National Debt was in fact to be bought up, and
+as there is a pretty clear understanding that the National Debt never
+will, or never can be paid, the advantages of the project must, upon the
+slightest reflection, have appeared at best apocryphal. The scrip in this
+grand concern came out heavy, for the securities were flatter than the
+public, when a bright idea flashed across the mind of Blunt for raising
+the wind and puffing up the shares in the South Sea Scheme to the utmost
+height that could be desired. He spread a report through paid paragraphs
+in the newspapers, that Gibraltar and Minorca were about to be exchanged
+for Peru, and the whole world went mad at the peru-sal. The story of this
+monstrous piece of universal insanity would afford a fine subject for an
+article from the pen of Dr. Forbes Winslow; * and indeed had he lived in
+the eighteenth century, the whole population would have been worthy to
+become the patients of that able and experienced master of the science of
+mental pathology.
+</p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+* See the "Journal of Psychological Medicine and Mental
+Pathology." Edited by Forbes Winslow, M.D.
+</pre>
+<p>
+The mental aberration of the public proved itself in the most preposterous
+demand for shares from persons willing to stake not only every penny they
+had, but many pounds which they had not. The proverb that "one fool makes
+many," found a parallel in the fact that one knave makes many; for the
+South Sea schemer called into existence a number of imitators, all anxious
+to profit by the credulity which he had excited. One adventurer made his
+fortune one fine morning by issuing a prospectus intimating that he would
+secure to every one who paid two guineas on the instant, an annuity of
+�100. The preliminary deposits poured in so plentifully that he obtained
+two thousand subscribers in a few hours, though the details of the plan
+were only to be forthcoming at some future day. We regret exceedingly our
+inability to form an opinion on the merits of this project, for its
+originator having been called away suddenly on the very night after the
+first day's subscriptions had been paid in, pursued his way to the
+Continent by the light of the moon, and has never yet returned. Charity
+bids us presume that he died in the effort to mature the gigantic idea he
+had conceived for enriching those who had honoured him with their cash and
+their confidence. A few little episodes of this description tended to
+shake the faith of the public in the great parent hoax, and the monster
+bubble, formed, as it were, by the whole of the South Sea concentrated
+into one tremendous drop, gave symptoms of dropping to the ground. Those
+who witnessed the Railway Mania of 1845 can form a conception&mdash;though
+a very inadequate one&mdash;of the madness that prevailed in the early
+part of the eighteenth century, under the cunning influence of Blunt, who,
+strange to say, was a living illustration of a marvellous misnomer, for
+this Blunt was the essence of sharpness, at a time when obtuseness was the
+characteristic of all the rest of the community.
+</p>
+<p>
+The amiable weakness which, in 1845, induced the whole population to
+concur in planning railways for every hole and corner of the world, the
+philanthropy which would have whirled the Cherokees through the air at
+sixty miles an hour and twenty per cent, profit, or brought Kamschatka,
+Chelsea, the Catskill Mountains, Knightsbridge, and Niagara, all into a
+group by the aid of trunk-lines or branches connecting the whole of them
+together, the mixture of benevolence and self-interest which suggested
+these noble achievements, cannot bear a comparison with the universality
+of the movement that the South Sea Bubble called forth. Its bursting,
+however, nearly swamped the entire nation, for the bubble had been so
+extensive that scarcely any one escaped its influence, or could keep his
+head above water, when the awful inundation occurred.
+</p>
+<p>
+Royalty itself had not been exempt from the prevailing madness, and the
+Prince of Wales had been appointed Governor of the Welsh Copper Company,
+which was to have supplied saucepans to the whole civilised world, and
+kept the pot boiling for the inhabitants of every corner of the globe. The
+capital proposed to be raised for all the various bubbles in agitation,
+amounted to �300,000,000, though few of the concerns had even the capital
+of the <i>soi-disant</i> millionaire in the farce, who having made
+promises of boundless liberality, and undertaken to make the fortune of
+the waiting-maid of his <i>inamorata</i>, finished with a tender of a
+threepenny piece as an earnest of his future bounty.
+</p>
+<p>
+It would form a curious chapter in this or any other history, to trace the
+fluctuations in South Sea Stock; but we cannot afford to convert our pages
+into a share list of the eighteenth century. Upon the first fall in the
+stock, attempts were made to preserve it from a further decline, first by
+shutting up the transfer books, and secondly by preposterous promises of
+impossible dividends. The directors kindly guaranteed fifty per cent, for
+twelve years, from and after the ensuing Christmas; and it is probable
+that the old saying, that "Such a thing is coming, and so is Christmas"
+first arose out of the South Sea Bubble, for the stock fell from eight
+hundred to one hundred and fifty, between the 26th of August, when the
+prospect was held out, and the 30th of September, when people had got a
+shrewd suspicion that it would never be realised.
+</p>
+<p>
+In proportion to the extreme credulity the nation had shown, was the
+savage disappointment it now exhibited. The directors of the South Sea
+Company who had been encouraged in their audacious swindling by the blind
+rapacity of their dupes&mdash;who in their haste to devour everything they
+could lay hold of, swallowed every knavish story they were told&mdash;the
+directors, who after all had merely speculated on the avarice and
+stupidity of the rest of the world, were assailed with the utmost
+vindictiveness. Their conduct was brought before Parliament; some of them
+were taken into custody, ana all were called upon to explain the grounds
+on which these calculations of profit were made, though the stockholders
+were not required to state what reasons they had for believing with their
+eyes shut, all the evidently fallacious promises that had been held out to
+them. A confiscation of the property of most of the directors took place,
+and an inquiry before Parliament proved that several members of the
+Legislature, and even ministers, had received considerable slices of South
+Sea Stock for their assistance in promulgating this monster swindle.
+</p>
+<p>
+The ruin that had been brought upon all classes of society, was aggravated
+by a necessity for further taxation to carry on the increased expense of
+Home Government, and of the costly foreign relations which the country had
+entered into. It has unfortunately happened that the foreign relations of
+England have been generally very poor relations, and they have
+consequently taken a great deal out of her pockets by their necessities,
+while they have added little to her respectability by their position and
+character. Like poor relations in general, they were a dreadful drag, and
+it was necessary to contribute to their support by putting fresh burdens
+on the British people. Among these was a tax on malt, which, being
+extended to Scotland, caused a general fermentation; for the Scotch were
+always remarkable for their love of whisky, which they easily promoted
+into a love of liberty, when it suited at once their pocket and their
+purpose to assume the attitude of patriots. The tax&mdash;not the whisky&mdash;was,
+however, crammed down their throats in spite of the cry they had succeeded
+in getting up for untaxed toddy, which they, of course, pronounced to be
+the safeguard of their constitution, as everything else becomes in its
+turn when it seems to be placed in jeopardy. The rioters, however, could
+get no persons of rank or influence to join in the great whisky movement,
+which the masses had taken into their heads, and order was restored after
+a few lives had been sacrificed.
+</p>
+<p>
+On the 2nd of November, 1726, Sophia Dorothea, nominally, but never
+practically, Queen of England, died in the prison at Hanover, to which her
+husband had committed her. This lady had formed an attachment for a Count
+Koningsmark, whom the king, her husband, then Elector of Hanover,
+unceremoniously butchered in an anteroom. As the historians who have
+preceded us call his majesty a strong-minded man, we presume that there is
+something intellectually vigorous in the commission of a murder, though we
+confess we are at a loss to discover the extraordinary fact which other
+writers appear to have recognised. Not very long after the death of his
+wife George repaired&mdash;or rather, he went very much out of repair, for
+his health was greatly damaged&mdash;to Hanover. He was taken very ill on
+the road, and was seized with apoplexy to the unhappy perplexity of his
+attendants, whom he nevertheless desired to "push along and keep moving."
+They accordingly did so, and the royal carriage was hastened, but his
+majesty was only being driven to extremities, for on the 11th of June,
+1727, he expired at Osnaburgh, in the sixty-eighth year of his age, and
+the thirteenth of his reign.
+</p>
+<p>
+The particulars of his death have been very circumstantially given, and as
+they are rather characteristic of George the First, we will give them with
+our accustomed brevity. He had been in perfect health on the previous
+evening, and ate a hearty supper of sheep's hearts, including a tremendous
+melon, to which the melancholy result has been attributed. Resuming his
+journey towards Hanover at 3 a.m. he was seized with griping pains, but
+believing that one mischief would correct another, he fancied the supper
+that had disagreed with him would be counteracted in its consequences by a
+dinner, which he began lustily calling for. When it was placed before him
+he could eat nothing&mdash;an incapacity so unusual with George, or as
+some called him, Gorge the First, that his attendants were seized with
+alarm and astonishment. Having again entered his carriage, he exclaimed in
+quaint French, "<i>C'est fait de moi</i>" which we need scarcely intimate
+means either "I'm done for," or "It's all up with me." In the course of
+the same night his existence coming to an end proved the too fatal
+accuracy of his own conclusion.
+</p>
+<p>
+George the First had nothing in his character to justify us in keeping
+George the Second waiting to be shown up to the throne, where in the
+ensuing chapter we shall have the pleasure of seeing him. The first George
+was a person of somewhat feeble intellects, exceedingly shy in public, but
+he could "come out" at a private tea-party at home very effectively. His
+tastes were none of the most refined, and he voted all letters exceedingly
+dry but O.D.V.&mdash;such was the wretched pun the king made on <i>eau de
+vie</i>&mdash;which he was very partial to. It might be regarded as a
+redeeming point in the character of his majesty that he was very fond of
+Punch, which he regularly "took in," but this feather in his cap must be
+plucked out, for we find the Punch he patronised was the liquor, and not
+the periodical. Avarice was another of the most prominent features of his
+character, and he actually risked the throne itself on several occasions,
+because he would not spare a few pounds for the purchase of that floating
+loyalty that, in consequence of the venality and poverty of the ancient
+aristocracy, was always to be had at a certain price in the market. He had
+also the shabby trick of never carrying any money in his own pocket, so
+that he was always obliged to dip into the pockets of his companions to
+pay the expenses incurred, either at home or abroad, and many of his Court
+used to get as far away as possible from the side of the king when there
+was anything to pay, for he was sure to ask them for a loan on such
+occasions.
+</p>
+<p>
+It seems from pretty good authority that he fancied himself to be an
+usurper; but he flattered himself a great deal too much in believing that
+the English nation would have quietly allowed an act of usurpation from so
+unimportant a personage as he would have been, but for the position into
+which he was called by the voice of the people. He preferred Hanover to
+England; "but," says Smith, "there is no accounting for tastes," and we
+will therefore make no effort to unravel the mystery of this absurd
+preference.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Court of George the First was remarkable for its laxity, though there
+was more external propriety than used to prevail in the days of Charles
+the Second. The latter monarch openly offended against the rules of
+decency; but George the First was just as bad in a quiet way, and imported
+into the aristocracy of England two or three vulgar, low-born, German,
+female favourites, whose successors now boast of their illustrious
+ancestors.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is a somewhat interesting fact that charity schools were first
+established in the year 1698, when the predecessor of George the First was
+on the throne; and the antiquarian will perhaps tell us whether the
+muffin-cap is of greater antiquity than the muffin. We believe such to be
+the case, for the muffin is of comparatively modern date, and is the
+contemporary of its rival or companion, the crumpet. How the muffin-cap
+came to put the muffin into anybody's head is a question too difficult for
+any but the archaeologist.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0212" id="linkimage-0212"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/647m.jpg" alt="647m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/647.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0057" id="link2HCH0057"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE FIFTH. GEORGE THE SECOND.
+</h2>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">W</span>HILE George the First was alive, he and the Prince of Wales were always
+having high words in low Dutch to the discredit of themselves and the
+disgust of the bewildered courtiers. To such a pitch had the animosity
+between father and son been carried, that young Master George, the heir
+apparent to the throne, had been forbidden the palace, and he had
+frequently held long conversations through the fan-light with the hall
+porter, who could only show his face above the door-way, and exclaim,
+"Very sorry, your royal highness, but it's the governor's orders, and I
+can't let you in." Which of these two unnatural relatives may have been
+most to blame we are not in a condition to determine, but the father who
+shuts his doors against a son, and drives him from home, is, <i>prime
+facie</i>, a brute, and George the First's conduct to his wife affords
+collateral evidence of his being devoid of feeling towards those who were
+nearly allied to him. It may be generally taken for granted that sons are
+only indifferent towards parents who are bad, and if young George failed
+in respect or affection towards old George, it was because old George had
+done nothing to inspire in young George the sentiments which should have
+been entertained by a son for his father.
+</p>
+<p>
+Sir Robert Walpole, the minister, had endeavoured to bring the precious
+couple together on friendly terms, but they would often quarrel in his
+presence, and appeal to Sir Robert, until the frequency with which they
+invoked the support of their referee, by loud exclamations of "So help me
+Bob!" turned the phrase into a proverb, which is to this day prevalent
+among the lower and more energetio classes of the community. When George
+the Second came to the throne, he expressed his desire to "keep on" Sir
+Robert Walpole as minister, if the situation continued to suit that
+individual, whose acknowledgment that he was "very comfortable." concluded
+the arrangement for the continuance of the existing Government.
+</p>
+<p>
+Walpole was one of the most dishonest ministers that ever lived, and it
+was his policy to resort to corruption of the grossest kind to ensure
+success; "for," as he would sometimes say, "the manure must not be spared,
+if you wish for an abundant harvest." He accordingly laid it on so
+extravagantly thick, that the expenses of the cultivation of his political
+connections was prodigious, and the national resources were frequently
+dipped into, for the purpose of serving the personal objects of the
+minister. The sinking fund had a tremendous hole made in it, where&mdash;to
+steal a figure from the plumber's art&mdash;a waste-pipe was inserted, and
+laid on to the pocket of the premier, who, collecting the floating capital
+into a private reservoir of his own, turned it on among his creatures with
+great prodigality. To meet the drain that was going on, new taxes were
+imposed, or in other words, the people were treated as if they had been an
+Artesian well, and were bored to the most frightful extent for the sort of
+currency by which a liquidation of the liabilities of the State was to be
+effected.
+</p>
+<p>
+The nation, recognising a swindling spirit in its rulers, gave symptoms of
+the imitative mania which invariably causes the vices of the great to be
+copied by the little. Speculations of the wildest and most dishonest
+nature were set on foot among every class, from the highest to the lowest,
+and there is no question that the Rogue's March would have been the most
+appropriate National Anthem for the period. From quiet fraud, the country
+soon fell into downright robbery, and the people got into the habit of
+plundering each other in the thoroughfares, without going through the
+formality&mdash;common in our own days of issuing a prospectus, and
+advertising a project. The first advertisement generally came upon the
+victim in the shape of a blow upon the head in the public streets; the
+preliminary deposit was extorted from him in the shape of the first
+article of value that could be easily snatched away, and the calls were
+exacted in rapid succession by a demand upon every one of his pockets.
+There was no hope of protection from the police, for the members of the
+force were too busy in robbing on their own account to bother themselves
+about the robberies that were being committed by others. It was, in fact,
+a case of Every Man his Own Pickpocket; and protection, being everybody's
+business, was soon considered nobody's business, until the whole kingdom
+was exposed to a sort of daily scramble, in the course of which
+Shakespeare's description of Iago's purse, "'Twas mine, 'tis his," was
+every hour realised. Things were, of course, in a most unsettled state,
+for nobody thought of settling anything&mdash;not even a washing bill&mdash;during
+the existence of the universal plunder system, and a riot every other day
+was the ordinary average of popular turbulence. Even the Scotch grew warm,
+and becoming conscientiously opposed to the legal infliction of death,
+they attended the execution of a smuggler to make a great moral
+demonstration against capital punishment. In the excess of their
+philanthropic sympathy with the convict, they began pelting the
+authorities, who were on the point of being murdered, when John Porteus,
+the captain of the guard, interfered to save the lives of his comrades.
+Some time afterwards, the philanthropists, to prove their consistent
+abhorrence of the punishment of death, seized upon Porteus, who had
+officiated in keeping the peace at the execution, and hanged him at the
+Salt Market.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the year 1737 the queen died, and the king sent up a piteous howl,
+though he had ill-used her majesty on many occasions; but it was well
+remarked by a philosopher of the period, that by the sincerity with which
+George the Second wept her dead, he almost teaches us to forget the
+severity with which he wapt her living.
+</p>
+<p>
+The year 1740 was rendered remarkable by a severe frost, which confined
+Father Thames to his bed with a dreadful cold, until the 17th of February,
+from the 26th of December previous. A fair was held on the ice, but amid
+these rejoicings the watermen were dissatisfied at being deprived of their
+ordinary fare, and the fishermen complained that they had been able to net
+nothing during the frost's continuance.
+</p>
+<p>
+The disputes of the Continent furnished occupation, as usual, for English
+troops and English money, nor was it long before a difference between the
+Elector of Bavaria and Maria Theresa caused the Earl of Stair to be sent
+to keep his eyes open, with sixteen thousand men, in the lady's interest.
+Stair, after staring at sixty thousand Frenchmen face to face for some
+time, began to think he had a very poor look out, though joined by the
+king himself, and his son, the Duke of Cumberland. The whole three of them
+got beaten like so many old sacks by Marshal Saxe at the battle of
+Fontenoy. Cumberland, who had put his best leg forward, got it badly
+wounded. George rode along the lines&mdash;at the back, we believe&mdash;urging
+on the soldiers to fight for their king, while Stair seems to have been
+lost sight of, or perhaps to have run away, though we must admit that this
+flight of Stairs must be considered apocryphal.
+</p>
+<p>
+While these disasters were going on abroad, a correspondence was being
+kept up between the Pretender, James Stuart, and his British friends, who
+promised that if he or his son Charles Edward would effect a landing in
+Scotland, there should be a good supply of horses and carriages; but one
+would imagine his friends were a parcel of jobmasters, by the quality of
+the aid they tendered, and indeed a job was their object, for all but the
+most unprincipled of the party were for abandoning the hopeless project.
+</p>
+<p>
+Though James himself was a bird far too venerable to be attracted by
+Caledonian chaff, his son was sanguine enough to hope that by coming over
+to be met by a few glass coaches and hackney chariots, his cause would be
+aided. He wrote to say when he might be expected, and without waiting for
+an answer, he put to sea in a small frigate. He was joined by the <i>Elizabeth</i>,
+a sixty-gun ship, when an English liner, called the <i>Lion</i>, appeared
+on the foaming main, and an engagement commenced, which rendered it
+necessary for the <i>Elizabeth</i> to go into Brest harbour for refuge. At
+the end of eighteen days he reached the Hebrides, but the prospect was so
+wretched that the few adherents who met him recommended him very strongly
+to be off again as speedily as possible. Charles Edward was, however,
+obstinate, and on the 11th of August, 1745, he took out of his portmanteau
+and unfurled the banner of the Stuarts in the pass of Glenfinnan. Attempts
+were made to obtain recruits, but they poured, or rather dribbled in so
+slowly, that the whole insurrection might have been broken up had it been
+nipped in the bud; but while Sir John Cope, the commander of the king's
+forces, was capering about the hills, and dragging his army of flats
+across the mountains, the young Charles Edward gained time enough to add
+to the strength of his company. Cope not coming up to cope with the
+rebels, they pushed on to Perth and Stirling, but they soon made an
+acquisition of still more sterling value, by taking possession of
+Edinburgh. Here the young prince, who had landed only with seven
+adherents, found himself at the head of four thousand men, most of whom
+had neither arms nor discipline, but brimming over with the froth of
+enthusiasm, they presented to their chief a refreshing aspect.
+</p>
+<p>
+Sir John Cope, having fumbled his way out of the hills, had got to Preston
+among the pans, where he was seized with a panic, and being set upon by
+the Scotch, was utterly routed. Returning to Edinburgh after his success
+Prince Charles Edward had King James proclaimed in the usual form; and the
+King of France, who had stood aloof while the result was doubtful, sent
+over a small parcel of arms and a few packets of powder, by way of
+encouragement. He promised also that a French army should soon follow the
+arms, for Charles Edward had no soldiers to match the matchless matchlocks
+that had arrived from the French sovereign. Trusting to the word of his
+Gallic majesty, the young Pretender ventured to cross the border in a blue
+bonnet, attended by a large body of adherents in the same interesting
+coiffure, and on the 29th of November, 1745, he fixed his headquarters at
+Manchester.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="linkimage-0213" id="linkimage-0213"> </a>
+</p>
+<div class="fig" style="width:50%;">
+<img src="images/652m.jpg" alt="652m " width="100%" /><br />
+</div>
+<h4>
+<a href="images/652.jpg"><i>Original Size</i></a>
+</h4>
+<p>
+The alarm excited in London was something utterly indescribable. People
+who lived in the town rushed into the country to be out of the way, and
+the inhabitants of the provinces poured into the metropolis as the best
+place for avoiding danger. The householders took up arms, and formed
+themselves into squares, crescents, lanes, streets, alleys, or anything.
+Some bolted their doors, others bolted themselves, and all gave
+unspeakable symptoms of terror and confusion. A camp was ordered to be
+formed in the suburbs, and after getting a large force together it was at
+first resolved to turn 'em out at Turaham Green, but Finchley was at
+length decided upon as the place of rendezvous.
+</p>
+<p>
+George, who had been summoned from Germany, came blustering over to
+England, and began immediately to boast, in bad grammar and wretched
+pronunciation, that he would "vite vor his Binglish bossessions," and
+would "meet the Bretender how or where he bleased." His personal valour
+was not put to the test, for Charles Edward, who had expected instalments
+of friends to continue meeting him at every large town, had the
+mortification to find that the more he kept looking for them the more they
+kept on not coming; and eventually, by the unanimous voice of his
+officers, he was compelled to retreat. When he first heard their decision,
+he observed that the messenger must be joking, and his features wore a
+faint smile, but when the porter who brought the intelligence shook his
+head, as much as to say, "It's no joke, your honour," the features of the
+young Pretender fell, and those who watched him narrowly for the rest of
+his life, declare that he was never afterwards seen to smile again.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is impossible to recite the misfortunes of Charles Edward without a
+feeling of grave sympathy at the failure of the many noble qualities with
+which he was endowed. In April, 1746, he advanced to Culloden, intending
+to astonish the English, but he and his followers, like the individual
+named in the song who had resolved to "astonish the Browns," finished by
+astonishing no one but themselves.
+</p>
+<p>
+The rebels advanced in two columns; but the soldiers fell asleep, and we
+are not surprised at the fact, for any newspaper reader will admit that in
+the very idea of two columns there is something soporific in the extreme.
+The exhausted troops fell from fatigue; others lost their way; and the
+second column found it impossible to keep up with the first. This threw a
+damp upon the energies of even consternation on the boldest; and with a
+mental ejaculation of "Oh! it's no use," the very best of Charles Edward's
+adherents retired. Notwithstanding the valour of a <i>corps</i> consisting
+of picked men, there arose among them a feeling of dissatisfaction at
+standing unsupported, to be picked out by the artillery of the enemy; and
+though one gallant body withdrew, playing on their pipes, the pipes were
+very soon put out by a smart shower of bullets. Such was the upshot of one
+of the most spirited enterprises that ever was undertaken; and its chief,
+the unfortunate Charles Edward, became a pauper fugitive, with scarcely
+clothes to cover him, and there was quite as much necessity as nationality
+in the bareness of his legs, during the period of his wanderings.
+</p>
+<p>
+One of these fogs which are so accommodating in romance, but very rarely
+present themselves opportunely in history, was obliging enough to make its
+appearance for that night only on an evening of September, 1746, and by
+its kind assistance in doing the heavy business on that occasion, Charles
+Edward was enabled to pass unobserved through an English squadron, and
+cross in a vessel to Morlaix in Brittany. The unfortunate Pretender seems
+to have taken his discomfiture so seriously to heart, that from a fine
+spirited young fellow, he lapsed into all sorts of excess, and having
+taken to drinking, he fell into a constant reel, which formed the sole
+remaining vestige of his once enthusiastic nationality. Sir Nathaniel
+Wraxall, walking about Florence in the year 1799, tumbled over an
+intoxicated individual, and raising him from the ground, had no sooner
+carried him towards a light, than he recognised the features of the young
+Pretender.
+</p>
+<p>
+Matters might possibly have gone on very peaceably with England, for there
+was nothing to fight about at home, but a dispute arose with the French
+about the respective influence of the two nations in some of their distant
+colonies. A contest for the Nabobship between some of the native tribes in
+the Carnatic, became the subject of a desperate quarrel between the two
+great European powers; one of whom supported the claims of Anwar ad Dien,
+the other promoting the pretensions of Chunda Sahib, and both caring, in
+fact, not a button about either. A war was, nevertheless, entered upon
+with intense vehemence, and was carried on for some time, with alternating
+success; but, not having the bulletins of the day at hand, and the
+despatches being equally out of the way, we are unable to give the
+particulars of the various contests. The quarrelling, though at a great
+distance, made at the time sufficient noise to be disagreeably audible at
+home, and preparations were made in the two mother countries to send out
+large forces to thrash the children on both sided out of their turbulence.
+</p>
+<p>
+Though all this bickering had been going on for some time in the colonies,
+war had not been formally declared; but whenever an English or a French
+vessel had a chance of worrying the other, each made the most of the
+opportunity. On one occasion, two French sail of the line got treated very
+unceremoniously, and eventually captured; when the Government of Paris
+began expressing a great deal of surprise and indignation, and professing
+utter ignorance of the fact that the two powers were quarrelling. It is
+absurd to suppose that France was sincere in this declaration, for it
+could not have been understood to be "only in fun," that the French and
+English were knocking each other about most unmercifully and energetically
+in America. The circumstance of the capture to which we have referred,
+caused an immediate understanding that both parties were henceforth in
+earnest; and there was a mutual calling-in of their outstanding
+ambassadors.
+</p>
+<p>
+George, however, instead of thinking about the colonies, became solicitous
+only about his "little place" at Hanover, and while he neglected therefore
+the American war, which became a series of mishaps, he threw his whole
+strength into the defence of the wretched spot, that would not have been
+"had at a gift" even by the ambitious enemy.
+</p>
+<p>
+Higher game was, in fact, in view; and the possession of the rock of
+Gibraltar and the island of Minorca by the English having long been
+envied, the French made up their minds to have a dish at one of them.
+Gibraltar was speedily pronounced impracticable, but Minorca seemed to be
+in a state of helplessness that tempted a resolute foe, and Fort St.
+Philip was suddenly invested. No preparations having been made for
+defence, the authorities ran about asking each other anxiously what was to
+be done, for most of the officers of the garrison were absent on leave;
+and General Blakeney, who was on the spot, though a very gallant fellow,
+was old and shaky. His spirit was consequently more effective as a fine
+piece of acting than for the purposes of actual war; and though the old
+fellow, tottering about in his dressing-gown and slippers, might have
+exclaimed "Aye, aye&mdash;let 'em come; I'm ready for them," and have
+relapsed with affecting feebleness into the sufferings of a gouty twinge,
+the spectacle, which might have been beautiful on the boards of a theatre,
+was, in the midst of a town threatened with a siege, most painfully
+ridiculous.
+</p>
+<p>
+Relief was ordered from Gibraltar; but the governor, who was either very
+stupid or did not like the job, pretended to, or really did misunderstand
+the purport of the instructions sent out to him. At home, the same want of
+energy prevailed, for the acting representative of the Government picked
+out a few ill-manned vessels, which he dignified with the name of a
+squadron; and calling to him an admiral, since notorious but then unknown,
+observed to him, "Here, Byng; you had better take this force, and go and
+see what they want at Fort St. Philip." Admiral Byng did not at all like
+the job, and began to hesitate about undertaking it; but being told to
+call at Gibraltar for fresh troops, he plucked up sufficient pluck for the
+enterprise.
+</p>
+<p>
+On his arrival at Gibraltar, the governor pretended not to know what Byng
+had come about; and when asked for troops, merely exclaimed, "Nonsense,
+nonsense; there's some mistake. I can't part with my troops, for I'm as
+nervous as an old aspen myself, with the very little protection that is
+left to me." Byng became more disheartened than ever by the refusal of the
+expected aid, and went grumbling away, muttering, "Well! they'll see; I
+know how it will end;" and giving vent to other ejaculations of a
+similarly un-seaman like character. He wrote to the Lords of the
+Admiralty, announcing the certainty of his making a mess of it; and in
+speaking of the refusal of troops at Gibraltar, he in vulgar but forcible
+language "gave it the governor." Having made up his mind to a failure, it
+was not very difficult to accomplish the object, and having gone to look
+at Fort St. Philip, he merely played, as it were, a game at stare-cap with
+the sentinel on the look-out, but did not perform a single operation with
+a view to its protection. In due course the French fleet hove in sight,
+and it was expected that a brilliant action would have taken place, for
+both squadrons immediately began manoeuvring most beautifully until each
+had got into the line of battle. A little harmless cannonading had
+commenced by way of overture to the anticipated work, when the French
+slowly retired, and the English slowly following, they disappeared
+together in the most harmless and indeed almost friendly manner, to the
+astonishment of poor old Blakeney, who watched them as long as the
+strength of his glasses would allow of his doing so. Nothing could have
+been more orderly than the retreat on both sides; and indeed it has been
+suggested by an old offender, who very naturally refuses to give his name&mdash;"That
+if the affair we have described deserves to be called a battle at all, the
+Battle of Co-runner"&mdash;mark the deceptive spelling in the last
+syllable&mdash;"would be a good name for it."
+</p>
+<p>
+The rage of the English, whose boast it had been to rule the waves, and
+never, never, never to be slaves, may be conceived at the arrival of the
+intelligence of Byng's bungle. The Government was the first object of the
+popular fury; but the ministers were adroit enough to turn the indignation
+of the people against the unfortunate admiral. Byng was, no doubt, bad
+enough, though he was not the only guilty party; but his fellow-culprits,
+taking a lesson from the pickpockets, who were the first to raise after
+their accomplice the cry of "Stop thief!" began to denounce the nautical
+delinquent with excessive vehemence. They recalled him from his command,
+ordered him to Greenwich, and instead of allowing him to partake in the
+amusements of the place, they imprisoned him with the intimation that
+"None but the brave deserved the fair." The next step was to bring him
+before a court-martial on a charge of cowardice ana disobedience to
+orders, when, being found guilty, he was condemned to be shot, and
+underwent at Portsmouth, on the 14th of March, 1757, this rather redundant
+punishment. We are anxious to do what we can in the way of sympathy for
+poor Byng, particularly after the little we find that can be of any use to
+him in the pages of preceding historians. They seem disposed to join in
+the cruel shout of "Sarve him right!" which a vulgar and unthinking
+posterity has raised to hoot the memory of this unfortunate officer. We
+are induced to look at him as a gentleman who merely was unfit for the
+profession he had chosen, and as his was not an uncommon case, we think it
+hard to look upon it with uncommon severity. It is perhaps an odd
+coincidence, that an officer more eager for the fray than Byng had urged
+the latter to enter into the action with the French, when the dry
+observation "I'll be shot if I do," was the only reply of the admiral. It
+cannot fail to strike the philosophic observer at this distance of time,
+that Byng, when saying "I'll be shot if I do"&mdash;that is, if he ever
+said as much&mdash;might have been profitably given to understand that he
+would be shot if he didn't. It has been put forth as a consolatory
+reflection that the naval service in general profited by this melancholy
+execution of poor Byng; but though as a general rule, what is desirable
+for the goose is equally advantageous to the gander, we cannot in this
+instance agree that what was good for the men was at the same time good
+for the admiral.
+</p>
+<p>
+The treatment of poor Byng presents a very humiliating picture of the want
+of firmness shown by the court-martial that tried, the ministers that
+abandoned, and the king that would not pardon him. Everybody affected a
+strong desire to see him saved, but nobody had the resolution to take the
+responsibility of saving him. His sometimes merciless majesty, the mob,
+formed in reality the executioners of poor Byng, for the authorities were
+all afraid of risking their popularity by being instrumental to his
+pardon. The members of the court-martial, by their verdict, expressly
+implored the Lords of the Admiralty to recommend him to the mercy of the
+crown, but there was a general feeling of "It's no business of mine," and
+to this heartless apathy poor Byng was eventually sacrificed. Never was
+there a better illustration of the hare with many friends, though not even
+a hair-breadth escape was permitted to the unfortunate admiral. Never was
+a gentleman killed under such an accumulation of kindness as Byng, and
+indeed he was, figuratively speaking, bowed out of existence with so many
+complimentary and sympathetic expressions, that but for the stubborn
+reality of the leaden bullets he might have fancied that the guns
+discharged at him were intended rather in the nature of a salute than as a
+capital punishment.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0058" id="link2HCH0058"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE SIXTH. GEORGE THE SECOND (CONCLUDED).
+</h2>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">D</span>ISCOMFITURE still attended the English in America, and though fresh
+troops with fresh leaders were sent off to wipe out the disgrace, they
+only got wiped out themselves in a most unceremonious manner. On the
+continent of Europe, too, poor Britannia was at a sad discount; for
+Austria, Saxony, Sweden and Russia had all thrown themselves into the arms
+of France, for the purpose of counteracting the influence of the arms of
+England. It was only in Indian ink that the creditable part of our
+country's annals belonging to this period should be written, for in India
+alone were any of our achievements entitled to some of those epithets we
+are so fond of bestowing on our own actions. The British Lion had, in
+fact, retired from the Continent to the Himalaya mountains, where he
+remained on the majestic prowl as the protector of British interests.
+</p>
+<p>
+There was a natural jealousy between England and France on the subject of
+their relative influence in that country, whose native princes were
+honoured by the protection of both, and who were always mulcted of a slice
+of their dominions by way of costs, for the expense incurred in the
+alleged support of their interests. If the aggressor of one of the Indian
+rulers happened to succeed, he took at once what he had been fighting for;
+while if a defender of some unhappy rajah or nabob was victorious, the
+native prince was made to pay all the same for the protection afforded
+him.
+</p>
+<p>
+By this sort of assistance rendered to the Indians, the English and French
+had succeeded in helping themselves to a good share of territory, and
+while the former had already obtained possession of Calcutta and Madras,
+the latter had got at Pondicherry, a very respectable establishment under
+Monsieur Duplex, whose duplicity was, of course, remarkable. By espousing
+the causes of a set of quarrelsome nabobs, Soubahdars, and other small
+fry, who had taken advantage of the death of Nizam-ul-Mulk to raise a
+contest for the throne of the Deccan, the English and the French had found
+plenty of excuses for quarreling, and we are compelled to confess that in
+this part of the world the Gallic cock had good reason for crowing over
+the British bull-dog.
+</p>
+<p>
+Things might have continued in this unsatisfactory condition, had not
+Captain Clive, a civilian in the Company's service, exchanged a pen for a
+sword&mdash;a piece of barter that turned out extremely fortunate for
+English interests. With a small body of troops he took the Citadel of
+Arcot, nabbed the nabob, and prevented Duplex from setting up a creature
+of his own&mdash;a disagreeable Indian creature&mdash;in that capacity.
+After this achievement, Clive had gone home for his health, and was
+drinking every morning a quantity of Clive's tea, when in 1755 he accepted
+a colonelcy, and returned to the scene of his former glories. Here he was
+rendered very angry by a pirate of the name of Angria, whom however he
+quickly subdued; and he had heard from Madras that a mad-rascal named
+Suraja Dowlar was in the neighbourhood of Calcutta, and was threatening to
+settle the settlement. This news came like a thunder-clap on Clive, who
+determined on giving Dowlar such a dose as he would not easily forget; and
+he commenced by conveying secretly to one of his officers, Meer Jaffier&mdash;a
+mere nobody&mdash;an offer of the throne. The scheme completely succeeded,
+and Meer Jaffier became the tool, or rather the spade, for giving a dig at
+poor Dowlar, who fell to the ground very speedily.
+</p>
+<p>
+Matters had now happily taken a favourable turn, and in America Wolfe
+distinguished himself, but unfortunately extinguished himself also at the
+siege of Quebec; for he died at the moment of victory.
+</p>
+<p>
+Things were mending very perceptibly in all directions, and English
+honour, which had been for some time at an unusual discount, was once more
+looking up, when the king, who had been speculating on the rise, was
+suddenly deprived of all chance of sharing in its advantages. He had made
+his usual hearty breakfast of chocolate, new-laid eggs, devilled kidneys,
+tea-cake, red herrings, and milk from the cow, when, as he was preparing
+to take a walk in Kensington Gardens, he suddenly expired, on the 25th of
+October, 1760. George the Second was in his seventy-seventh year, and the
+thirty-fourth of his reign, during the whole of which he had been a
+Hanoverian at heart, and he had nothing English about him, except the
+money. His manners were rather impatient and overbearing, for he had not a
+courteous style of speaking; and it was said at the time, that "no one
+could accuse him of being mealy-mouthed; for though he was not civil
+spoken, he was temperate in his living, and thus the term mealy-mouthed
+could in no sense be applied to him."
+</p>
+<p>
+In forming an estimate of the characters of the sovereigns who have come
+before us for review, we have found ourselves fortunate in possessing an
+independent judgment of our own; for if we had been guided by precedent,
+we should have been puzzled to know what to think of the different kings
+and queens, all of whom have had witnesses on both sides, to censure and
+to praise with a want of unanimity that is really wonderful. George the
+Second has furnished a subject for this division of opinion, and his
+eulogist has complimented him rather oddly on his old age, a compliment
+that might as well be paid to an old hat, an ancient pun, a venerable
+bead, or any other article that has arrived at a condition of antiquity.
+The reasons given by his panegyrist for praising him are few and
+insignificant on the whole, though his severer critic founds his
+strictures on a tolerably substantial basis. We learn from this authority
+that George the Second was ignorant, stingy, stupid, ill-tempered, and
+obstinate. His predilection for Hanover has, we think, been unjustly
+censured; for there is nothing very discreditable, after all, in a love
+for one's own birth-place, though it may be what is termed a beggarly hole
+in the strong language of detraction. The native of Lambeth has been known
+to pine with a sort of <i>mal du pays</i> after the cherished sheds and
+shambles of the New Cut, and we have heard the plaintive accents of "Home,
+sweet Home," issuing from the lips of the exiled sons and daughters of
+Houndsditch. If George the Second was still faithful in his love for
+Hanover, in spite of the superior attractions of England, we may question
+his taste, but we must admire his constancy; which presents an honourable
+contrast to young Love's notorious desertion of the coal and potato shed,
+when Poverty, in the shape of a man in possession, stepped over the
+doorway.
+</p>
+<p>
+<br /><br />
+</p>
+<hr />
+<p>
+<a name="link2HCH0059" id="link2HCH0059"> </a>
+</p>
+<div style="height: 4em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+<h2>
+CHAPTER THE SEVENTH. ON THE CONSTITUTION, GOVERNMENT AND LAWS, NATIONAL
+INDUSTRY, LITERATURE, SCIENCE, FINE ARTS, MANNERS, CUSTOMS, AND CONDITION
+OF THE PEOPLE.
+</h2>
+<p class="pfirst"><span class="dropcap" style="font-size: 4.00em">W</span>E feel that the length of the above heading to this, the concluding
+chapter of the volume, will be sufficient to provoke the legal reader into
+making a charge for "perusing title and examining same," but we promise to
+make our clauses as pertinent as the magnet to the loadstone. Having
+already, in the course of preceding chapters, touched upon most of the
+subjects noticed in the abstract of title to which we allude, it will be
+unnecessary to hold the reader very long by the button; but perceiving him
+getting ready to run away, as the curtain falls upon George the Second, we
+cannot help exclaiming, "Stop a minute or two, we've got just half a dozen
+more words to say to you!"
+</p>
+<p>
+The constitution is the first topic on which we have still to touch, and
+that is a theme which every true patriot loves to dwell upon. We have no
+hesitation in saying that our beloved country must have the constitution
+of a horse, to have gone through one-half the severe trials it has
+experienced. It is apparently peculiar to the soil; for, though the
+prescription for making it up has been given to other nations, and has
+been accurately prepared by some of the ablest political druggists, it has
+never been swallowed abroad, or, if rammed down the throats of rulers or
+people, it does not seem to have agreed very well with either one or the
+other. The British constitution is a thing <i>sui generis</i>, like the
+delicious bun of Chelsea, the acknowledged brick of Bath, and the
+recognised toffy of Everton. It is vain for other nations to hope that
+they may have their own materials made up into the pattern they so much
+admire; for the attempt would be quite as abortive, and almost as unwise,
+as the effort to make a genuine Romford stove away from Romford, Epsom
+salts half a mile out of Epsom, Windsor Soap beyond the walls of Windsor,
+and the genuine Brighton rock anywhere in the world but in the very heart
+of Brighton. The British constitution must be like home-brewed beer, and
+even more than that, it must be enjoyed where it is brewed; or, in other
+words&mdash;to draw off one more figure from the cask&mdash;it must be
+"drunk on the premises." The most eloquent of foreign nations cannot come
+and fetch it, as it were, in their own jugs, however they may foam and
+froth about it in their own mugs when they carry it in their mouths by
+making it the subject of their speeches.
+</p>
+<p>
+The durability of the British constitution, its fitness for wear and tear,
+has been exemplified in the wonderful manner in which it has survived the
+rubs that from the hands of party it has experienced. This reflection
+naturally brings into our mind the terms Whig and Tory, into which
+politicians were divided, until modern statesmanship introduced us to a
+new class of principles, that may be called, concisely and
+comprehensively, the Conservative-Whig-Radical.
+</p>
+<p>
+The words Whig and Tory came into use, and into abuse also, about the year
+1679, and their own origin has been traced with wonderful ingenuity, for
+the derivation has nothing to do with the derivative, according to these
+ingenious speculations; and if we may trust Roger North&mdash;a little too
+far north for us, by-the-bye&mdash;Tory is allied to Tantivy, without the
+smallest apparent reason for the relationship. It would, perhaps, save a
+great deal of trouble to keep a register of philological next-of-kin; and
+we are sure that if something a little nearer than Tantivy could come
+forward to claim affinity with Tory, the noun, verb, or any other part of
+speech it might chance to be, would "hear of something to its advantage."
+The word Whig seems to be utterly without orthographical heirs-at-law, for
+no attempt has been made to get at its pedigree.
+</p>
+<p>
+National Industry advanced materially during the period we have just
+described, and among other things, the glass, which had been hitherto
+imported chiefly from France, began to be seen through by the English
+manufacturer.
+</p>
+<p>
+Literature and the Arts flourished in the reigns we have lately gone
+through; and Architecture took very high ground, or indeed any ground it
+could get, for the execution of its projects.
+</p>
+<p>
+Periodical Literature rose in great brilliancy at about the time we have
+described, and the union of such writers as Steele, Addison, and Swift, in
+one little paper, must have formed a combination that should have been
+kept back until the days of advertising vans and gigantic posting-bills,
+enabling the parties interested to make the most of the "concentration of
+talent," which might have been the cry of every dead wall in the
+metropolis.
+</p>
+<p>
+The manners and customs of the period were not particularly attractive,
+being, under the two Georges at least, far more German than Germane to our
+English notions of refinement. In dress, there was somewhat of an approach
+to the costume of our own days; and the scarcity of hair on the head began
+to be supplied by that friend of man, the horse, from whom the Barrister
+had since prayed a <i>tales</i> to furnish the wig, which is considered
+essential to his forensic dignity.
+</p>
+<p>
+The military costume of the time of George the Second is chiefly
+remarkable for the hats worn by the soldiers, which were something in
+appearance between the fool's cap and the bishop's mitre, as we find from
+one of Hogarth's drawings.
+</p>
+<p>
+The condition of the people was not very enviable in the seventeenth or
+even the eighteenth centuries; and indeed all classes were very
+ill-conditioned; for morality was lax, education was limited, poverty was
+abundant, extravagance was very common, and wealth extremely insolent.
+</p>
+<p>
+Such being the state of the people and the country at this period, we
+cannot be sorry to get out of their company, though it is not without some
+regret that we bid farewell for a time to our History. In the course of
+this work we have rowed in the same galley with C�sar, stood up to our
+ankles in sea-water with Canute, run after the Mussulman's daughter with
+Gilbert � Beckett, wielded a battle-axe with Richard on the field of
+Bosworth, smoked a pipe and eaten a potato with Sir Walter Raleigh, danced
+with Sir Christopher Hatton on Clerkenwell Green, and sailed round the bay
+that bears his name with honest Bill Baffin: all these adventures have we
+enjoyed in imagination, that <i>beau ideal</i> of a railway, with nothing
+to pay and no fear of accidents.
+</p>
+<p>
+We have at length arrived at a station, where we stop for the purpose of
+refreshment; but we hope to resume our journey, and proceed in the
+ordinary train, touching by the way at all stations, high and low, to the
+terminus we have set our eye upon.
+</p>
+<h3>
+THE END.
+</h3>
+<div style="height: 6em;">
+<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
+</div>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Comic History Of England, by
+Gilbert Abbott A'Beckett
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