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diff --git a/44755-h/44755-h.htm b/44755-h/44755-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b97b978 --- /dev/null +++ b/44755-h/44755-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,10033 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=US-ASCII" /> +<title>Eighteen Months' Imprisonment, by Donald Shaw</title> + <style type="text/css"> +/*<![CDATA[ XML blockout */ +<!-- + P { margin-top: .75em; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + P.gutsumm { margin-left: 5%;} + P.poetry {margin-left: 3%; } + .GutSmall { font-size: 0.7em; } + H1, H2 { + text-align: center; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + } + H3, H4, H5 { + text-align: center; + margin-top: 1em; + margin-bottom: 1em; + } + BODY{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + } + table { border-collapse: collapse; } +table {margin-left:auto; margin-right:auto;} + td { vertical-align: top; border: 1px solid black;} + td p { margin: 0.2em; } + .blkquot {margin-left: 4em; margin-right: 4em;} /* block indent */ + + .smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + + .pagenum {position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: small; + text-align: right; + font-weight: normal; + color: gray; + } + img { border: none; } + img.dc { float: left; width: 50px; height: 50px; } + p.gutindent { margin-left: 2em; } + div.gapspace { height: 0.8em; } + div.gapline { height: 0.8em; width: 100%; border-top: 1px solid;} + div.gapmediumline { height: 0.3em; width: 40%; margin-left:30%; + border-top: 1px solid; } + div.gapmediumdoubleline { height: 0.3em; width: 40%; margin-left:30%; + border-top: 1px solid; border-bottom: 1px solid;} + div.gapshortdoubleline { height: 0.3em; width: 20%; + margin-left: 40%; border-top: 1px solid; + border-bottom: 1px solid; } + div.gapdoubleline { height: 0.3em; width: 50%; + margin-left: 25%; border-top: 1px solid; + border-bottom: 1px solid;} + div.gapshortline { height: 0.3em; width: 20%; margin-left:40%; + border-top: 1px solid; } + .citation {vertical-align: super; + font-size: .8em; + text-decoration: none;} + img.floatleft { float: left; + margin-right: 1em; + margin-top: 0.5em; margin-bottom: 0.5em; } + img.floatright { float: right; + margin-left: 1em; margin-top: 0.5em; + margin-bottom: 0.5em; } + img.clearcenter {display: block; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; margin-top: 0.5em; + margin-bottom: 0.5em} + --> + /* XML end ]]>*/ + </style> +</head> +<body> +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg eBook, Eighteen Months' Imprisonment, by Donald +Shaw, Illustrated by Wallis Mackay + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: Eighteen Months' Imprisonment + + +Author: Donald Shaw + + + +Release Date: January 26, 2014 [eBook #44755] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK EIGHTEEN MONTHS' IMPRISONMENT*** +</pre> +<p>This ebook was transcribed by Les Bowler</p> +<p style="text-align: center"> +<a href="images/coverb.jpg"> +<img alt= +"Volume Cover" +title= +"Volume Cover" +src="images/covers.jpg" /> +</a></p> + +<div class="gapline"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center"> +<a href="images/fpb.jpg"> +<img alt= +"Crowd scene—Horse-drawn Prison Van" +title= +"Crowd scene—Horse-drawn Prison Van" +src="images/fps.jpg" /> +</a></p> +<h1><a name="pageiii"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +iii</span>EIGHTEEN MONTHS’<br /> +IMPRISONMENT</h1> +<p style="text-align: center">(WITH A REMISSION)</p> + +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center"><span class="GutSmall">BY</span><br +/> +D— S—</p> +<p style="text-align: center"><span class="GutSmall">LATE CAPTAIN +— REGT.</span></p> + +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>ILLUSTRATED BY WALLIS +MACKAY</i></p> + +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center">LONDON</p> +<p style="text-align: center">GEORGE ROUTLEDGE AND SONS<br /> +<span class="smcap">Broadway</span>, <span class="smcap">Ludgate +Hill</span></p> +<p style="text-align: center">NEW YORK: 9 LAFAYETTE PLACE</p> +<p style="text-align: center">1883</p> + +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center"><a name="pageiv"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. iv</span><span +class="GutSmall">LONDON</span><br /> +<span class="GutSmall">BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO., PRINTERS, +WHITEFRIARS.</span></p> + +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<h2><a name="pagev"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +v</span>CONTENTS</h2> +<table> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">CHAPTER I</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p> </p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span +class="GutSmall">PAGE</span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">MY ARREST</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page1">1</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">CHAPTER II</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">THE HOUSE OF DETENTION</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page12">12</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">CHAPTER III</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">“SETTLING +DOWN”</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page20">20</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">CHAPTER IV</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">“PRISON +FARE”</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page31">31</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">CHAPTER V</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">GEORGINA</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page41">41</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center"><a +name="pagevi"></a><span class="pagenum">p. vi</span>CHAPTER +VI</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">BOW STREET</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page48">48</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">CHAPTER VII</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">NEWGATE</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page54">54</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">CHAPTER VIII</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">THE SCAFFOLD</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page67">67</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">CHAPTER IX</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">A PRIVATE EXECUTION</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page75">75</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">CHAPTER X</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">“NEWGATE +ETIQUETTE”</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page88">88</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">CHAPTER XI</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">THE TITLED CONVICT</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page98">98</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">CHAPTER XII</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">THE CENTRAL CRIMINAL +COURT</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page113">113</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center"><a +name="pagevii"></a><span class="pagenum">p. vii</span>CHAPTER +XIII</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">“CORPULENCY”</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page122">122</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">CHAPTER XIV</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">COLDBATH FIELDS</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page138">138</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">CHAPTER XV</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">“OAKUM” LET US +SING</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page159">159</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">CHAPTER XVI</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">THE VISITING JUSTICES</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page191">191</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">CHAPTER XVII</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">PRISON TRADES</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page203">203</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">CHAPTER XVIII</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">THE OUTER WORLD</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page218">218</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">CHAPTER XIX</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">THE CONVALESCENT WARD</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page228">228</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center"><a +name="pageviii"></a><span class="pagenum">p. viii</span>CHAPTER +XX</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">CRIMINAL LUNATICS</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page248">248</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">CHAPTER XXI</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">PRISON CELEBRITIES</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page256">256</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">CHAPTER XXII</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">THE TREAD-WHEEL</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page270">270</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">CHAPTER XXIII</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">GARDENING</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page282">282</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">CHAPTER XXIV</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">THE CHURCH MILITANT IN +PRISON</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page293">293</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">CHAPTER XXV</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">THE HOSPITAL DEAD-HOUSE</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page310">310</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">CHAPTER XXVI</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">BURGLARS “I HAVE +MET”</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page335">335</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center"><a +name="pageix"></a><span class="pagenum">p. ix</span>CHAPTER +XXVII</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">“JUSTICE TEMPERED WITH +MERCY”</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page351">351</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">CHAPTER XXVIII</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="GutSmall">RETROSPECT</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page361">361</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +</table> +<h2><a name="pagexi"></a><span class="pagenum">p. xi</span>LIST +OF ILLUSTRATIONS.</h2> +<table> +<tr> +<td><p> </p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span +class="smcap">Page</span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>1.—“<span class="smcap">Black +Maria</span>”</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><i>Frontispiece</i>.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>2.—<span class="smcap">A Cheerful Group</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page60">60</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>3.—“<span class="smcap">Should old +Acquaintance be Forgot</span>?”</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page63">63</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>4.—<span class="smcap">The Effects of a Warm Bath +at</span> “<span class="smcap">Coldbath</span>”</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page141">141</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>5.—A <span class="smcap">Cell</span>, 8 <span +class="GutSmall">A.M.</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page161">161</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>6.—A <span class="smcap">Cell</span>, 8 <span +class="GutSmall">P.M.</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page178">178</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>7. —<span class="smcap">A Typical Turnkey</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page205">205</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p>(<i>a</i>) <i>Its Normal Expression</i>.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p>(<i>b</i>) <i>Corroborative Evidence</i>.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>8.—<span class="smcap">Counting</span></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page241">241</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>9.—“<span class="smcap">Negatives +Kept</span>”</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page271">271</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>10.—<span +class="smcap">Gardening</span>—“<span +class="smcap">Something Approaching</span>”</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page282">282</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>11.—<span +class="smcap">Gardening</span>—“<span +class="smcap">The Line Clear</span>”</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page287">287</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>12.—<span class="smcap">Whence comest thou</span>, +<span class="smcap">Gehazi</span>? (<span class="smcap">an +exhortation to repentance</span>)</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page333">333</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +</table> +<h2><a name="page1"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 1</span>CHAPTER +I.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">“MY ARREST.”</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">On</span> a dreary afternoon in November, +cheerless and foggy as befitted the occasion, and accompanied by +that gentle rain which we are told “falleth on the just and +on the unjust,” I suddenly, though hardly unexpectedly, +found myself in the hands of the law, as represented by a burly +policeman in a waterproof cape and a strong Somersetshire +accent. The circumstances that led up to this momentous +change can be briefly described. I had gone to the office +of a solicitor—one White, with whom I had had previous +monetary transactions—with reference to a new loan on a +bill of exchange; and it must be distinctly understood that any +allusions I may make to this individual’s <a +name="page2"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 2</span>vocations are +not to be misinterpreted, for I have the highest respect for his +integrity and aptitude for business, legal or otherwise, and +cannot but admire (as I’m sure every honest reader will) +the horror with which any dishonest act inspired him, which, +though it did not deter him from conscientiously completing the +transaction as a matter of business, was equally swift in +retributive justice, and condemnatory (to use his own expression) +of compounding a felony. Mr. White, in short, is a +money-lender, who, in addition to the advantages derivable from +his legal assistance, is always prepared on undoubted +security—such as a bill of sale or a promissory +note—to make cash advances at the rate of 240 per +cent. I am justified in quoting this as the +gentleman’s rate of interest, for I paid him £5 for a +loan of £45 for fourteen days, a transaction that his +cheque on a Holborn bank will testify. The only marvel that +suggests itself to my mind is, that a person who is so scrupulous +in refusing to “compound a felony,” as he termed it +when he assisted in involving me in the meshes of the law, should +retain the ill-gotten and usurious sum of £5 one moment +after he was aware (as he has been for a year) that it was the +proceeds of a <a name="page3"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +3</span>forgery. But perhaps I am wronging the worthy man; +he may have subscribed it towards the Hunt he honours with his +patronage, or have paid it as his subscription to the London and +Discounty Club, to which, I presume, he belongs.</p> +<p>At first sight this rate of interest may appear somewhat high, +but a moment’s reflection will dispel the idea. Here +was a gentleman, a member of the honourable profession of the +law—one who (as he told me) actually hunted with Her +Majesty’s hounds, and, for aught I know, may have been +honoured with a nod from the Master of the Buckhounds—one, +moreover, who occasionally dined with impecunious Irish lords, +with whom he had transacted business, and talked of such +aristocratic clubs as the “Wanderers’” and the +“Beaconsfield” with as much <i>sang-froid</i> and a +degree of familiarity such as you and I, gentle reader, might +refer to the “Magpie and Stump” at Holloway, and +which to me at the time was truly appalling; here, I say, was a +gentleman endowed with all these recommendations actually +condescending to minister to one’s pecuniary wants; and one +would indeed have been unworthy of such advantages had one carped +or squabbled over such <a name="page4"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 4</span>vulgar trifles as a paltry 240 per +cent. There is certainly another point of view from which +this “financial” business may be regarded; but if the +Master of the Rolls and the “Incorporated Law +Society” take no exception to this occupation of one of +their members, it is clearly no business of ours to find fault +with a gentleman who materially adds to his income by combining +the profitable trade of usury with the profitless profession of +the law.</p> +<p>It is a prevalent and very erroneous impression to associate +voracity and sharp dealings with the Hebrew race, for I’ve +found from experience (and I’m admittedly an authority) +that for meanness, haggling, and exorbitant terms, with a cloak +of hypocrisy to cover this multitude of sins, the Hebrew is +considerably out-distanced by his Christian +<i>confrère</i>. I might indeed go a step further, +and add, that, barring a repellent manner during the +preliminaries of a transaction, but which is purely superficial, +the dealings of the children of Israel are based on strictly +honourable and considerate grounds. No one has ever heard +of a Jew robbing you first and then prosecuting you; they are +invariably satisfied with one course or the other. <a +name="page5"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 5</span>(I may here be +permitted a slight digression to note that I intend ere long to +publish a list of usurers never before attempted, based on my +personal experience of them, including members of almost every +trade and profession, and which for completeness and accuracy of +detail will put to the blush the hitherto feeble attempts of such +society journals as <i>Town Talk</i>, <i>Truth</i>, &c.)</p> +<p>At about four o’clock, then, on this dreary November +afternoon I found myself with three or four others in Mr. +White’s waiting-room. I verily believe one of my +companions was a detective, a suspicion that subsequent events +tend to confirm. In the frowzy room I found myself waiting +for more than an hour, during which time my naturally ’cute +disposition, coupled with a consciousness of guilt, convinced me +with a “suspeeciun” similar to that of the old lady +at the subscription ball at Peebles, “amoonting to a +positive ceertainty” that something was up. This +apprehension was by no means allayed by my distinctly seeing the +shadow of the burly policeman, in cape and helmet, on the frosted +window, as he ascended the stairs; and had I been so inclined, +there was nothing to have prevented me from at once <a +name="page6"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 6</span>burning the +damning document then in my pocket and walking down-stairs. +But I was perfectly callous and indifferent to the result; +indeed, I can only attribute my feelings at the time to those of +a madman who hailed with delight any change that substituted +incarceration and an unburthened mind for liberty and an uneasy +conscience. The rest of the incidents in this prologue are +easily told, and the next ten minutes (which abounded with +sayings and doings, however commendable from a moral point of +view, sadly out of place in a usurer’s parlour) found me in +a cab, in company with a policeman, with Mr. White, money-lender, +solicitor, and commissioner to administer oaths, on the box, his +‘fishy’ partner inside, and driving at the rapid rate +habitual to the fleetest four-wheelers of three miles an hour en +route to Bow Street. Luck now favoured me, and I was +fortunate enough to obtain an interview with Mr. Vaughan, who was +on the eve of departure, and who, in a few hurried and +well-chosen words, and in a metallic tone of voice that I can +only, with all respect, compare to the vibrations of the +telephone, which I heard some years ago in its infancy, conveyed +to me the momentous intelligence that I was <i>remanded</i> till +<a name="page7"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +7</span>Tuesday. This was by no means my first appearance +at Bow Street Police Court, for though not on so serious a charge +as the present, I had on a former occasion made the acquaintance +(officially) of the worthy magistrate. The circumstances +are briefly these, and though in no way bearing on my present +narrative, may be reasonably introduced, as a combination of +sweets and bitters, such as one gleans by the advertisements, are +to be associated with “chow-chow,” “nabob +pickles,” &c., &c. Some four years ago I had +the honour of accompanying a well-known but not equally +appreciated young baronet, and High Sheriff of an Irish county, +notorious for his “Orange” (and orange-bitters with a +dash of gin) proclivities, to a low music-hall. The weather +was hot, and the evening an exceptionally warm one in June, such +an one, indeed, that the most abstemious might have been pardoned +for exceeding the bounds of moderation. About midnight we +presented ourselves at the portals of that virtuous but defunct +institution, and were refused a box on the plea of +inebriation. So indignant, however, were both myself and my +blue-blooded if not blue-ribboned companion at this monstrous +insinuation <a name="page8"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +8</span>that we at once proceeded to Bow Street, and laid a +formal complaint with the inspector on night duty. The +books, and probably that official’s marginal notes, would +doubtless place facts and our respective intellectual conditions +at the time beyond the shadow of a doubt. For my own part, +I confess (with that frankness that has always been my ruin) that +if I was not absolutely inebriated, I was decidedly +“fresh.” As regards my companion, however, I +will not presume to venture an opinion, although High Sheriffs +admittedly never get drunk;—is it likely, then, that this +one, the pride of his county and an ornament to its Bench, could +so far forget himself? Absurd! The sequel, however, +has yet to be told; and a few nights afterwards, about 9 <span +class="GutSmall">P.M.</span>, alone, and disguised as a gentleman +in evening clothes, I went to the Night House and requested to +see the proprietor. A bilious individual hereupon came into +the passage, and, supported by a crowd of “chuckers +out,” hurled me on to the verandah, where luck and my +proximity to the worthy publican enabled me to deal one blow on a +face, which eventually turned out to be that of Barnabas Amos; +but a member of “the force” happened to be passing, +and the <a name="page9"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +9</span>gentle Amos, not content with having previously taken the +law into his own hands with questionable success, now appealed to +the constable, and, in short, gave me in charge for an +assault. I will not weary the reader by a description of my +detention for twenty minutes in the police station, till I was +bailed out by a householder; nor of the proceedings next morning +before the magistrate. Suffice it to say that the case was +dismissed; that the daily papers honoured me by devoting half a +column to a report of the case; that six months after, alone and +unaided, I opposed the renewal of the licence for the +night-house; that my thirst for revenge was thoroughly satiated; +and that I had the gratification of depriving the Amos of a +weekly profit of £300, besides about £500 for legal +expenses; and that the Middlesex magistrates did their duty and +proved themselves worthy of their responsible position by almost +unanimously refusing the licence, despite the fervid and well +fee’d eloquence of Solicitor-General and voracious +barristers, and thus stamped out about as festering a heap of +filth and garbage as any that had ever infested this modern +Babylon. Mr. Barnabas Amos and I were thenceforth quits, +and, barring a <a name="page10"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +10</span>chuckle he no doubt had at my subsequent troubles (such +as a less magnanimous person than myself might have had at his +eventual bankruptcy), I may fairly congratulate myself on having +had the best of the little encounter. But another feature +of this case suggests itself, and I cannot dismiss this long +digression without a few words in conclusion. My quasi +friend, the High Sheriff, did not come well out of this +matter. We had, as it were, rowed in the same boat on this +eventful night, we had both been refused a box on the same +grounds, and yet he left me to bear, not only the brunt of the +police-court row, but, by a judicious silence, got me the credit +of having tried but signally failed to lead him from the paths of +rectitude and virtue. I am prepared to make every allowance +for a man in his position, lately married to a young and innocent +wife, whose ears it was only right should not be polluted with +such revelations as a night-house would naturally suggest if +associated with her husband’s name; and I was perfectly +alive to the necessity of screening him, and willing that my name +only (as it did) should appear in the proceedings; nevertheless, +there is a right and a wrong way of attaining <a +name="page11"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 11</span>such an end, +and the High Sheriff will, I am convinced, on reflection, admit +that he might have attained the same result in a more +straightforward manner, and have spared the feelings of his bride +and possibly her younger sisters equally as well without leaving +a “pal”—to use a vulgar expression—in the +lurch without an apology. With this digression I will +return (in the spirit) to Bow Street, and close the chapter with +a bang such as accompanied the closing of my cell door, and await +the arrival of “Black Maria.”</p> +<h2><a name="page12"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +12</span>CHAPTER II.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">THE HOUSE OF DETENTION.</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">After</span> a delay of about twenty +minutes—when for the first time I found myself an inmate of +a police cell—a very civil gaoler (with the relative rank +of a Police Sergeant) announced to me, with a “Now, +Captain,” the arrival of one of Her Majesty’s +carriages. One has frequently heard of the Queen’s +carriages meeting, and not meeting, distinguished personages, +such as Mr. Gladstone, Sir Garnet Wolseley, the King of the +Zulus, and German princelings; but the carriage I refer to must +not be confused with this type. They are far from +comfortable, the accommodation is limited, and the society +questionable; and had it not been for the courteous consideration +of the conductor (a Police Sergeant) I should have been +considerably puzzled in attempting to squeeze my huge bulk of 19 +stone 13 lbs. (as verified a few minutes later in <a +name="page13"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 13</span>Her +Majesty’s scales) into a compartment about 16 inches in +breadth. As a fact, however, I remained in the passage, and +thus obtained a view of streets and well-known haunts under very +novel and degrading conditions. Everyone appeared to stare +at this van, and everyone seemed to me to particularly catch my +eye; but this, of course, was pure fancy, resulting, I presume, +from a guilty conscience—for within the dark tunnel of this +centre passage it was impossible that anyone in the streets could +see, much less distinguish, anyone inside. I discovered a +few weeks later that these uncomfortable police vans were +infinitely superior and more roomy than those attached to Her +Majesty’s prisons; in fact, I should say they were the only +attempt (as far as I could discover) at making a distinction +between an untried, and consequently innocent (vaunted English +law—twaddle) person, and a convicted prisoner.</p> +<p>My experiences at the “House of Detention” and +subsequently at “Newgate” convince me that justice +demands a great alteration in the rules regarding untried +prisoners, who are allowed and disallowed certain newspapers at +the caprice of the chaplain, and actually restricted as to the +class of <a name="page14"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +14</span>eatables their friends may send them. An instance +of this occurred in my case. A kind friend one day brought +me a hamper containing, as I was informed, a roast fowl and a +tongue; the warder at the entrance-gate, however, told him that +these were luxuries in the estimation of the Home-office, and +therefore less suited to the palate of an untried (and +consequently innocent) man than a chop or steak fried in tallow +and procured from the usual eating-house; and as my friend had +dragged this white elephant of a parcel about with him for some +time, he gave it bodily to the turnkey, who consequently reaped +the advantage of the intended kindness to me. Next morning +I complained to the Governor, who assured me he should have made +no objection to the “luxury” of a fowl; in short, I +had been the victim of the zeal of an illiterate and astute +official, who, putting two and two together, and weighing the +probable effect of his veto on an inexperienced inhabitant of the +outer world, had arrived at a very happy arrangement whereby I +was deprived and he benefited to the extent of a well-selected +hamper. I found the Governor a very good sort. His +suit of dittos was a little of the “thunder and +lightning” pattern; but <a name="page15"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 15</span>if his clothes were loud, his manners +were not—in short, he was essentially a gentleman, both in +appearance and manners, a beau ideal of the heavy dragoon that +existed before the Cardwellite era. I purposely refer to +his manners being those of a gentleman because it does not always +occur that those situated in a similar position possess the +higher recommendation.</p> +<p>The “House of Detention” appeared to me the most +awfully depressing place to which my erring footsteps had ever +led me. The darkness, the stillness, the novelty of the +situation, all tended to this conclusion; and I cannot do better +than describe what occurred, and leave the verdict in the hands +of the reader. Conceive then a man, who an hour previously +was a free citizen, suddenly finding himself stepping out of a +police van into a gloomy, white-washed passage, and being +inspected and counted with a dozen others by a bumptious turnkey, +puffed out with his own importance, addicted, as I have +previously mentioned, to cold fowl and tongue, but otherwise +oblivious to the veriest rudiments of civilization. +Conceive, then, the sensations of a man such as I, finding +himself suddenly confronted by such a biped, who, scanning <a +name="page16"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 16</span>first a paper +and then you, begins to drawl out, “What’s your +name? Your age? Married or single? Protestant +or Romanist?” and a volley of such like rubbish, which only +tends to exasperate one, and which might well be dispensed with, +seeing that all the desired information is on the paper, and, +having been supplied by one’s self not an hour before, is +sure to be corroborated, whether correct or not, and considering, +too, that this farce is repeated every time you enter and leave +the place, and which in a case of frequent remands might occur +twice a day. One can hardly narrate a single item regarding +the treatment of an untried prisoner that does not call for +redress, <i>i.e.</i>, if the absurd theory is still persisted in +that an untried man is an innocent one. What right has an +innocent man to be debarred the privilege of seeing friends +(under reasonable restrictions) as often as he pleases, instead +of being limited to one visit of fifteen minutes a day? Why +should one be allowed to purchase <i>Town Talk</i> and not +<i>Truth</i>? Why should the <i>Graphic</i> be permitted +and not the <i>Dramatic News</i>? These are anomalies no +logic can explain away, and have no right to be left to the +caprice of a prison official. <a name="page17"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 17</span>The food supply as at present +arranged is a cruel system; a prisoner under remand is gratified +at hearing that he may procure his own food, and naturally +shrinks at the idea of subsisting on prison fare till absolutely +compelled. No greater mistake ever was made—the +latter is good, clean, and supplied gratis; the former is nasty +in the extreme, and scandalously dear. If the doubtful +“privilege” is to be continued, it is time the +government, in common fairness, controlled the tariff; at present +a prisoner is at the mercy of the eating-house keeper, and liable +to any charge he may choose to make. I must admit that the +caterers for the “House of Detention” were civil and +comparatively reasonable, whereas those at Newgate were exactly +the opposite. I shall give a detailed account later on of +how I was fleeced at the Old Bailey, and I would earnestly warn +all prisoners awaiting trial to stick to the prison fare, and +carefully to avoid the refreshments supplied from the cat’s +meat houses in the neighbourhood. With these slight +digressions I shall proceed to a description of the routine at +the “House of Detention,” with its rules and +regulations and privileges, and the impressions they conveyed to +me; and I <a name="page18"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +18</span>cannot do better than impress on the reader that this +book makes no pretensions to literary merit, but must be regarded +rather as a journal of facts, whose principle claim is based on +their having been written by a man who is probably as well known +as any in England. I ask no praise, I’m equally +oblivious to abuse; criticism I’m absolutely indifferent +to, being convinced that either my notoriety, my popularity, my +identity, or unpopularity, will procure me readers far in excess +of any book of greater merit; and it is a consolation to feel +that my friends will be glad that I got through some months with +a degree of comfort never before paralleled, and my enemies (male +and especially female) will be chagrined at discovering that +“Imprisonment with Hard Labour” in my case meant +kindness from first to last hardly credible, absolutely devoid of +any labour at all, and accompanied with luxuries as regards +eating and drinking that could not have been surpassed had I been +stopping at a first-class hotel and paying thirty shillings a day +for board and lodging. Many apparent contradictions may +moreover suggest themselves, but taken in the light of a diary, +these contradictory views must be regarded as reflecting <a +name="page19"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 19</span>circumstances +as they appeared to me from time to time under various +phases. Suffice it to say that I have carefully avoided +exaggeration, that everything I narrate can be fully +substantiated, and may be unhesitatingly accepted as the +experiences of a man endowed with an average amount of brains, +who kept his eyes wide open, and who had opportunities given him +that no man ever had before, whether higher or lower in the +social or criminal scale, of seeing a vast amount of the +“dark side of nature.” In my innocence I once +fancied I had seen a good deal, and knew a lot; but the following +narrative will prove that I was a very babe and suckling, before +I became a “Government ward.” Heaven forbid +that anyone should purchase his experience at such a price; +nevertheless, on the principle that has guided me through life of +trying to see everything and do everything, I can only attempt to +justify my escapades by endorsing the theory (slightly altered) +of the immortal Voltaire, that a man who would go through what I +have is “<i>un fois un philosophe</i>, <i>mais deux fois un +criminel déterminé</i>.”</p> +<h2><a name="page20"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +20</span>CHAPTER III.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">“SETTLING DOWN.”</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">Fresh</span> arrivals appear to come to +this awful place at every hour of the day and night. The +police courts belch forth their motley loads on an average about +twice a day, and when the Sessions are “on,” +prisoners arrive as late as nine and ten of a night, and the +rumbling of “Black Marias,” the shouting of warders, +the turning of keys, the slamming of doors, and a hundred other +“regulations” that make night hideous, lead one to +imagine oneself in a third-class hostelry alongside a railway +station. The absence of clocks, too, that strike (for even +they are on the silent system), combined with the primitive hour +of retiring to rest, bewilders one in arriving at anything like +an approximate idea of time between the bell at night and the +bell at 6 <span class="GutSmall">A.M.</span> After my first +interview with Mr. Vaughan, and with the sound of his melodious +voice still ringing <a name="page21"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +21</span>in my ears, I found myself about 6 <span +class="GutSmall">P.M.</span> alighting from the police van inside +a dismal courtyard. We had just passed through a massive +gate, and had been “backed” on to the entrance of a +long and uninviting-looking corridor, but beyond that I had not +the faintest idea of where I was; and if I had been told that the +House of Detention was situated in the centre aisle of the +British Museum, I should not have been in a position to dispute +it. As we stepped out, carefully assisted by an official +actuated apparently rather by precaution than courtesy, and +carefully scanned and counted, I found myself with eight or nine +others standing in a row on a huge mat. There was an entire +absence of “dressing” in this ragged line, and thus +destiny placed me between a ragamuffin with a wooden leg and an +urchin of about twelve. My bulk, sandwiched between them, +formed a charming picture, and filled up the mat, if not the +“background.” My friend, the police sergeant, +with a courtesy that officialism failed to rob him of, handed us +over to the “Detentionite” barbarian, who, first +inspecting us, and then “righting” us, went through +the offensive and unnecessary formula of catechizing +us—such as “What is your name?” +“Who ga”—<a name="page22"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 22</span>I mean, “Your age,” +&c., &c. This to me was the first and greatest +humiliation; the iron entered my very soul, and I realized how +awful it all was. Implacable enemies, vindictive tradesmen, +revengeful women, chuckle and shout; but time is short, and +seventeen days will find me in clover, surrounded by every +consideration that is possible, and as happy as circumstances +will permit. When we had all been counted and booked, we +were escorted downstairs and thrust into very small and separate +cells. These cells were literally not more than three feet +square, and their only furniture consisted of a block of stone +intended for a seat. The turnkey, who showed and carefully +locked me in, explained that I should only be there a few +minutes, as we were merely awaiting the arrival of the chief +warder. After the lapse of a few minutes, we were taken one +by one into the office, where a further scrutiny “inside +and out” took place. Here, at a desk, sat a warder in +front of a ledger; there was, moreover, a weighing-machine and a +couple of turnkeys. This constituted the entire +furniture! The chief warder, blazing in gold lace and +pegtop trousers that filled me with admiration at the time, now +appeared, and having come <a name="page23"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 23</span>to the conclusion that I was not one +of the “unwashed” division, kindly exempted me from +the usual bath, the preliminary and very necessary step on these +occasions. The chief warder was a very decent and +unaffected little man, and comparatively free from the +penny-halfpenny bounce that characterizes the chief warder +species in general. I here underwent, for the second time, +the catechizing process, which being again carefully booked, I +was invited in the most dulcet tones to unrobe to the extent of +everything except my socks and trousers. With my thoughts +wandering to the weighing-machine, “how careful,” +thought I, “they must be in accurately weighing one;” +and my conjecture was in a measure correct, but my inexperience +did not prepare me for the accompanying formula that took +place. As I divested myself one by one of my coat, hat, +boots, vest, shirt, &c., a pair of nimble hands ran over them +with lightning rapidity, which in their turn passed them on to +another pair of equally nimble or nimbler hands. In the +twinkling of an eye, the contents of my pockets were laid on the +table—the modest quill toothpick was not even exempted; +fingers passed over every seam and lining of my clothes, and then +the same “delicate <a name="page24"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 24</span>touch” was applied to my loins +and ankles. I was then requested to get on the machine, and +the astounding fact recorded that a mountain of humanity in his +shirt and socks weighed 19 stone 13 lbs. I have been +particular in accurately relating this fact, for later on I treat +on the subject of obesity; and the remarks I there make, and the +hints I offer, based on very careful observation and experience, +will, I am confident, commend themselves to the corpulent, and, +<span class="GutSmall">IF ACTED ON</span>, will prove very +beneficial to those who really desire to reduce themselves. +Every article found on me—money, toothpicks, pocket-book, +watch, studs, sleeve-links, &c.—were then carefully +booked and neatly tied up, and having resumed my clothing, I +proceeded upstairs to my future abode.</p> +<p>I cannot allow this opportunity to pass without noting the +consideration that prompted the warder to give me a couple of +bone studs to replace my own, without which I could not have kept +my shirt closed. It was a kindly act, and tends to show +that, as a rule and with very few exceptions, prison warders are +a well-disposed race if properly treated, and desirous of +rendering any civility to men of my class. If a prisoner is +fool enough to stand <a name="page25"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 25</span>on his dignity, he must not be +surprised if his conduct is resented. Another peculiarity I +observed here for the first time, but which I found to be the +invariable rule at “Newgate” and +“Coldbath,” was, that on arrival one was always +placed in a most uncomfortable cell in the basement or even +below, and gradually promoted upwards. I can only suppose +it was intended as a kind of purgatory, with the idea of giving +one a bird’s-eye view of what might be expected should +one’s behaviour make him ineligible for the greater +luxuries associated with “apartments on the drawing-room +floor.”</p> +<p>Having dressed, I accompanied a turnkey through innumerable +passages abounding in steel gates, which snapped like rat traps +as we passed through, till we emerged into what appeared the main +passage of the prison. My conductor here handed me over to +another warder with a “Here you are; here’s another +one;” and I again, and for the third time, had to undergo +the “abridged catechism.”</p> +<p>I found this warder a capital fellow. He tried to put +matters as cheerfully as he could; and when ushering me into my +cell, and noting my horror at <a name="page26"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 26</span>its bleak appearance, said in a +manner that was kindly meant, “Oh! you’ll be all +right when you’ve settled down a bit.”</p> +<p>“Settled down a bit!” As well ask the +guinea-pig that is put into the rattlesnake’s cage to +settle down, as to expect a man suddenly deprived of liberty to +settle down in such a place. If I had not been of a very +sanguine disposition, and one that can nerve himself to submit to +anything, I should certainly have broken down, as I verily +believe many do. On the contrary, I began to examine the +uncomfortable place, read the notices for one’s guidance, +and entered into a conversation with my guide and gaoler. +He began by telling me that if I wanted supper I must order it +sharp; and when I expressed a wish to have something, he kindly +promised to order in a chop and a pint of beer. The next +thing that attracted my attention was the hammock; and as my only +experience of these uncomfortable substitutes for French +bedsteads was from a distant view on a troopship, and as the idea +of 20 stone suspended in mid air was out of the question, and as +the tesselated floor appeared excessively hard, I determined not +to risk a fall, for the fall of that house would certainly <a +name="page27"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 27</span>have been +great. I discovered, however, that routine and prison +discipline made it absolutely impossible for any exception to be +made unless specially granted, and as none but the highest +official, such as the Governor (or even the Home Secretary, as I +presumed, or perhaps the Queen), could sanction a change of such +importance as substituting a cot for a hammock, no time was to be +lost in ferreting out some one of sufficient authority to assume +the responsibility. At length the doctor was found, and +after seeing me and hearing my weight, gave the necessary order, +subject to the Governor’s approval in the morning.</p> +<p>I have often wondered in how many quires of foolscap this +humane act involved the little man. I only hope he got no +wigging from the Home Office for this assumption of +responsibility, for I found him most kind and courteous, and in +return I fear I worried him out of his life by applications for +sleeping draughts, which he invariably let me have without a +murmur. I took this opportunity also of getting his +permission to keep my gas burning all night, for I felt that +sleep was out of the question; and as I had asked for and been +promised the special <i>Standard</i>, which invariably contains +<a name="page28"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 28</span>some +paragraphs of interest of a world-renowned General’s, I +began to hope that I might “settle down,” as my +friend the warder had suggested. But settling down in +theory and settling down in practice, especially in the +“House of Detention,” are two distinct things. +The privilege of keeping my gas burning, too, involved a most +unpleasant consequence, diametrically opposed to “settling +down.” Anyone whose light is left burning is supposed +to be concocting some hideous treachery, and has to be +“seen” every fifteen minutes; and thus through this +long dreary winter night and every subsequent ten nights of my +stay found me being taken stock of every quarter of an +hour. I must—without being aware of it—about +this time have commenced the “settling down” process, +for I could actually bring myself to uttering the feeblest jokes, +such as “Ah! how are you, old cockie? Just in time; +another minute and I should have burrowed through the +ventilator.” These little sallies, I am bound to +admit, did not always meet with the reception their pungency +merited. Occasionally they extracted a grin or a chaffy +reply; at others a grunt and a bang of the trap-door. But I +have again wandered from my first entrance <a +name="page29"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 29</span>into my cell, +and demonstrating (what I honestly pleaded) my utter +amateurishness in the writing of a book. I must only hope +that the tale it unfolds will make up for this defect. A +rattle of a tin knife on a pewter vessel, followed by the turning +of the key, announced the arrival of my supper; and, oh, shades +of Romano, how “my heart beat for thee!”</p> +<h2><a name="page30"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +30</span>CHAPTER IV.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">“PRISON FARE.”</span></h2> +<p>A <span class="smcap">greasy</span> cold chop, smelling as if +it had been cooked in “Benzine collas,” and with +about as much warmth as would be imparted to it by a flat iron, a +slice of bread that had evidently been cut in the early part of +the day, with salt, mustard, a lump of cheese, and a potato piled +up beside it, and a pint of the flattest, blackest, nastiest ale +in a yellow jug without a spout, with my name pasted on it and +the plate, constituted my meal, and nothing but philosophy and a +certain amount of hunger could have induced me to attempt to +tackle it. I did, however, and bolted the food and gulped +down the liquid, and continued the contemplation of my +cell. A few minutes later my warder again appeared with the +“special” and removed my “tray;” and the +ringing of the most melancholy-toned bell I had ever heard up to +then warned <a name="page31"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +31</span>me that bed-time had arrived, and I proceeded to turn in +for my first night under lock and key. Believe me, reader, +there is more in this than my words can convey. Writing as +I now am, in a comfortable bed at six in the morning (for my past +experience has instilled very early habits into me), with the +window open, and the sea within a few yards of me, surrounded by +every luxury and comfort that an affectionate mother can think +of, and in a genial climate in the South of France, I cannot even +now look back without a shudder to that fearful first night of +less than a year ago; and the chop and the hammock, and the key +turning, and the “settling down” appear as vividly +before me as the most hideous nightmare of an hour’s +previous occurrence.</p> +<p>At 6 <span class="GutSmall">A.M.</span>—and in November +this means in the pitch dark—a bell rings; not a heavy +tolling bell, but a shrill, sharp hand bell, wrung with all the +vigour that a prison warder can impart to it. He walks up +and down the long and dreary passages, the noise rising and +falling as he approaches and recedes. I sat up on my pallet +of horsehair, and took it for granted I had better get up. +By the considerate thoughtfulness of our free and enlightened <a +name="page32"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 32</span>Government +every requisite for a (hurried) toilet is here provided, +obviating the very slightest necessity for ever leaving +one’s apartments. A tap and diminutive brass basin, a +water-closet (guaranteed, I should say, to produce typhoid in a +marvellously short space of time), a piece of yellow soap the +size of a postage stamp, and a towel of the solidity of the main +sheet of an ironclad, and bearing unmistakable “marks of +the beasts” that had been my immediate predecessors, were +all at hand, leaving no excuse for the most whimsical for +abstaining from a thorough good (official) wash. I found, +as my experience increased, that the two things most neglected in +Her Majesty’s prisons are cleanliness and godliness. +A terrible make-believe distinguishes them both; but if you only +burnish up the outside of the cup and the platter, the inside +may, figuratively speaking, be full of dead men’s +bones. I shall adduce very good reasons for these +assertions when time and my destiny have “settled me +down” in Coldbath Fields.</p> +<p>After a delay of half-an-hour the counting process began, +which consisted of a whole cloud of turnkeys passing rapidly in +front of the various cell doors. A little further delay, +and I was invited <a name="page33"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +33</span>to “exercise.” I went out once and +only once, for as a philosopher one must pocket one’s +foolish likes and dislikes, and endeavour to see everything; but +the penance was so fearful that I had a word with the doctor, and +obtained exemption from that date. Conceive, then, a large +and bleak courtyard, flagged and partially gravelled, bounded on +three sides by the prison walls, and on the fourth by high +railings and a still higher wall beyond it; conceive, too, a +couple of hundred of the scum of London, the halt and the lame, +the black chutnee seller and the mendicant newsvendor, with here +and there some unfortunate devil like myself in the garb of a +gentleman; add to this a warder standing on a pedestal at each +corner, and another roaming round in the centre, and then cap +this awful picture by watching this frowsy tag-rag mass walking +round in a circle about a yard apart, and you may possibly form +some slight notion of my feelings. When I got to the outer +door that led into the yard, I hesitated for a moment, and I told +a warder that I really did not think I could face the ordeal; but +he advised me, in what was kindly meant, to have a try, and that +if I walked round no one would take a bit of notice of me. +I found this assurance <a name="page34"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 34</span>was hardly strictly correct, for my +huge size and evident superiority (in clothes if not in morals) +drew notice on me; and many a scoundrel as he limped by asked me, +in a gin-and-water voice, what I was “in for,” and +whether it was the “first” time. I, however, +ignored their delicate overtures towards sociability, and longed +for daylight and its accompanying breakfast. The +hour’s exercise eventually passed by, and I returned to my +den, where shortly afterwards my breakfast appeared. This +came from the eating-house over the way, and a nastier, colder, +or more revolting conglomeration of roll sliced and buttered, a +fried egg, and a piece of bacon that must have spent the night in +a rat-trap, and a pint of chicory in a yellow jug, I never +saw. I ventured to draw the warder’s attention to the +proximity that existed between these various delicacies, but he +explained that mine was only one of some seventy other breakfasts +of “privileged” prisoners, and that they had been in +the passage for over an hour. Assuming, therefore, that my +<i>déjeûner</i> had probably been sandwiched between +a burglar’s tripe and onions and some other brother +malefactor’s tea and shrimps, I held my breath and +“laid on,” and was surprised what a hole I had <a +name="page35"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 35</span>made in all +the good things in an incredibly short period. But time +(especially in Houses of Detention) waits for no man, and in a +twinkling my breakfast things were removed, and a bell summoned +us to chapel. I now found myself in church, and after a ten +minutes’ farce, which embraced every modern religious +improvement—such as singing, a sermon, and a chaplain in a +white surplice—we were again escorted back, and awaited the +visit of the Governor.</p> +<p>The chaplain at the “House of Detention” was, I +should say, rather a good sort; he and I had frequent +conversations, and as he was the man who had once put a spoke +into Bignell’s “Argyll” wheel, and as I was the +humble instrument that had “smashed, defeated, and utterly +pulverized” Barnabas Amos and his night-house, a bond of +mutual interest at once sprang up between us as enemies of +immorality in general, and Bignell and Amos in particular. +This reverend gentleman was, I should say, decidedly High Church; +he wore all day (and for aught I know all night) a black +skull-cap and gown, and possessing an enormous red beard, that +came down to his waist, he invariably inspired me with much the +same <a name="page36"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +36</span>amount and sort of reverence that I entertain when +contemplating stained-glass likenesses of Matthew, Mark, Luke, +and John. His manner at first was a little pompous, +especially when he was telling me of the sort of books he would +permit and not permit me to order in; he was, however, despite +these peculiarities, unmistakably a gentleman, both in manner and +appearance—two qualifications I subsequently discovered +were sadly deficient in more than one of his species. And +now the door was opened with a terrific bang, and I was told by a +turnkey with bated breath and evidently suffering from excessive +mental excitement, that “the Governor” was coming +round, and before I had time to shake myself together, and rise +to receive him, the great man was in my cell. Captain +— was the beau ideal of a plunger, and had served many +years in the K.D.G.’s. He eventually exchanged from +soldiering to “prisoning,” and had served his time as +“Deputy” of Exeter and Cold Bath Fields +prisons. I was told at this latter retreat that he was in +those days excessively zealous in the matter of dust, and that +his great height enabled him to extract infinitesimal atoms of +this irrepressible commodity from shelves and <a +name="page37"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 37</span>ventilators +that men more of the “Zachæus” type would never +have noticed. Like most men, however, time had blunted his +zeal for these trifles, and when I saw him he had grown out of +these absurdities of his novitiate, and appeared as one who had +an unpleasant duty to perform, and who was anxious to do it as +pleasantly as possible. He accosted me as one might expect +a gentleman would, and asked me if there was anything he could do +to ameliorate my condition? I mentioned certain things, and +he at once gave the necessary orders for my being permitted +newspapers, pen, ink, and paper, my gas at night, and exemption +from chapel and exercise. All this brought it to near +twelve o’clock, when dinners commenced being +“served;” and without detailing all the horrors I +ate, suffice it to say that another plateful of offal, such as a +hyæna would jib at, duly made its appearance, and was as +duly demolished, more or less. The first day in this +terrible place is perhaps more awful than any subsequent one; +for, irrespective of the novelty of the situation and not having +“settled down,” it must be taken into consideration +that one has barely had time to communicate with friends and +solicitors, and thus the <a name="page38"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 38</span>day passes wearily away, affording +ample time for reflection and the realisation of the fact that +one may be in the heart of London and yet as far away from +friends and relatives as if in the middle of the Desert of +Sahara. The above sketch will pretty accurately convey an +idea of a day’s routine in the House of Detention, +excepting perhaps a visit from a friend daily, a restriction that +is as iniquitous as it is illogical, and which I trust the +authorities will consider worthy of alteration. Visits from +solicitors constitute another feature of this existence. +Visits from friends are made as uncomfortable as can well be +conceived; the drop window in the cell door, 12 inches by 8, and +carefully covered with zinc netting, is opened, and with the +visitor on the one side in the cold and dark passage, and the +prisoner on the other in his cell, it is really difficult to hear +all that is said, for the echo and shouting that is going on +throughout requires a very practised ear to catch the muffled +sounds. If any reader has ever put his head into a sack +(which I haven’t) and tried to talk, or heard the ghost +speak at a transpontine theatre, some idea of the extraordinary +hollow change in the voice may be imagined. A more <a +name="page39"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 39</span>inconsiderate +system could hardly be adopted, and absolutely debars respectable +persons from submitting to the ordeal entailed by such +visits. The visits of solicitors are, however, far better +managed, and permitted with a degree of comfort that quite +surprised me. A private room is placed at your disposal, +where you can say (and, as I found, do) pretty much what you +please without let or hindrance; and beyond having a badge +temporarily placed on your arm to indicate the number of your +cell, and having the door carefully locked, you might fancy +yourself having a <i>tête-à-tête</i> on a +rainy day in the second class refreshment-room of the Crystal +Palace. Only two unusual circumstances occurred to vary the +monotony of my daily life; the one was the being served with a +writ by a foolish tailor in Pall Mall, or rather his executors, +for poor old Morris had long since paid the penalty of affluence +and good feeding. That any men of the world, such as I +supposed them to be, should have lent themselves to anything so +childish as to serve a man with a “writ” who was +awaiting his trial on a charge that might involve a seclusion +“for years or may be for ever” passes my +comprehension. I often felt I owed an apology to the <a +name="page40"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 40</span>unhappy +deputy of these irrepressible snips, for he must have found it +cold and very miserable whilst awaiting my arrival in that +cheerless corridor, and I registered a vow, when the opportunity +occurred, to express my regret for the scant comfort and apparent +want of courtesy he received at my hands; but I was the victim of +cruel circumstances over which I had no control. Another +event that intruded itself on the even tenor of my ways was a +letter from “Georgina”; and as the narration will +involve a certain essential digression to make matters clear, I +must again ask the reader’s indulgence.</p> +<h2><a name="page41"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +41</span>CHAPTER V.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">GEORGINA.</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">Who</span> has not heard of +Georgina? Ask Gounod, ask Monsieur Riviere, ask Mr. +Vaughan, ask me, ask yourself, indulgent reader. I made +this lady’s acquaintance some five years ago, about eleven +<span class="GutSmall">P.M.</span>, outside Covent Garden +Theatre, when she was apparently being supported by her seconds +and spongeholders, after her third or fourth round (I forget +which) with the “Leicester Square Pet” or the +“Regent Street Chicken,” or both. I was not an +eye-witness of this revival of the good old days of the ring, so +my statement as to details must not be implicitly accepted. +I, however, made one of an excited and surging mob, and gleaned +that the cause was the fair Georgina, who had lately been +“removed” from inside the theatre. In a +thoughtless moment, and with an eye to business, and with the +hope of turning an honest penny by taking <a +name="page42"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 42</span>this amiable +creature into the provinces (for I dabbled in things theatrical +in those days) I entered into conversation with one of her +satellites, which ripened into an intimacy of the most deplorable +and expensive nature, and ended in the climax that procured me a +most abusive and threatening letter whilst in the House of +Detention, and subsequently a visit from her on my second +appearance at Bow-street, where she occupied a prominent position +in the front row. Immediately, then, after this +lady’s notoriety connected with the above +<i>contretemps</i>, it struck me that she could not fail to +“draw” in the provinces, if not on her merits as a +vocalist, at least on account of her other amiable +accomplishments. A series of visits to her residence ended +in my securing the professional services of this inestimable +treasure; and though the terms and conditions with which she +hampered her agreement to accompany me on a six weeks’ tour +were sufficient to have made a more experienced man hesitate, I +at length consented to all she proposed, and our agreement was +virtually completed. Georgina is, I should say, an +implacable foe; she is also, I should fancy, a good friend until +a row—an inevitable <a name="page43"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 43</span>consequence—takes place. +This latter characteristic showed itself on this occasion; she +made it a <i>sine quâ non</i>, and refused to budge an inch +unless I agreed to permit her to be accompanied by a huge French +woman whom she called her companion, and a sickly youth whom she +designated her secretary. I was not only to cart this +worthy couple about first-class, but to pay for their board and +lodgings. As the French person was as voracious as a +cormorant, and as the secretary was apparently suffering from +some complaint that impelled him to eat inordinately three or +four times a day, and as provincial hotels are proverbially +expensive when the ordinary routine is in the least deviated +from, and as nothing but the best and most +<i>récherché menu</i> was considered good enough +for this worthy trio, my bill and my feelings after a three +days’ experience may be easier imagined than described; +added to all this, Georgina’s delicate health precluded her +from abstaining from food for any length of time, and thus when +we journeyed from one town to another a hamper of prog had to be +invariably made up for sustaining nature in the transit. +Good heavens! such appetites would have eaten one out of house +and home, <a name="page44"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +44</span>even if any profits had been made; but when the takings +were absolutely “nil,” and the working expenses about +£100 a week, it will not surprise the reader to learn that +I lost £400 in less than a fortnight, and returned to +London a sadder and a wiser man. I cannot omit one absurd +feature in this “starring” tour which occurred in a +town very far north, and which happily brought my disastrous tour +to an abrupt and unexpected conclusion. The hour that the +concert was to commence was eight; the audience had been +respectfully solicited to be in their places by that hour—a +request, I am bound to admit, the entire audience present +considerately complied with—everything, in short, was done +by visiting, puffing, advertising, and personally canvassing, +that ingenuity and activity on my part could suggest; and at a +quarter before eight I awaited behind the curtain (seeing, but +unseen), with throbbing heart, the arrival of the vast crowds +that I confidently expected. The fair and amiable one was +seated on a fauteuil, radiant with smiles, and attired in a +matchless robe of white water silk and ruffles—a kind of +mixture between the “Marie Antoinette” and the +“Gorgonzola” styles, or what the cross would be, if +such styles do or ever have <a name="page45"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 45</span>existed—(should any lady read +this description she will, I trust, pardon any imperfections of +detail.)</p> +<p>The female cormorant was administering some light stimulant, +for Georgina is subject to fits of nervousness, incredible as +this may appear. The emaciated one was in front assisting +in looking after the money-taker; and I feel thankful to +Providence on his account, if not on my own, that this was far +from an arduous task, for the poor fellow was evidently delicate +and physically incapable of lifting a heavy cash-box, and so, +with all my faults, blood-guiltiness cannot be laid to my +charge. Time meanwhile was rapidly passing, and a huge +clock pointed to three minutes to eight, then two minutes, then +one, and then eight o’clock struck, and, oh horror of +horrors! the <i>sole</i> occupant of the enormous building was +the critic of the local paper. Decency forbade our opening +the concert to this solitary unhappy man; it appeared to me to be +cowardly to attack him alone, and to pit him single-handed +against the invincible Georgina, who had demolished a conductor +and his manager a week previously, and who now showed symptoms of +“annoyance” that nothing but my soothing powers +prevented bursting into a flame. My plan of action <a +name="page46"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 46</span>was +immediately taken; to hesitate a moment was to be lost. I +at once sent for the “secretary,” and first thought +of telling him to make a short speech from the stage to our +solitary audience; but reflection decided me in approaching him +myself. I apologised for the unusual occurrence (it had in +reality happened wherever we had been, though not to the extent +of less than seven or eight); I offered to return him his money, +for I was well aware his was a complimentary ticket, and verily +believe that the united purses of the entire company could not +have scraped together five shillings. He muttered something +I tried not to hear, and next day repaid my intended courtesy by +a flaming smashing article that would effectually have ruined us +had we moved elsewhere. But events were occurring at the +same time which put it out of my power to continue this +disastrous tour. About eleven o’clock the landlord of +the hotel presented himself at my room, said the lady and her +friends had left, and politely but firmly intimated that he could +not permit me to remove my luggage till a little bill of £8 +was settled. The rest is soon told. I hurried back to +London, remitted the £8, and abandoned the tour. I +had not, however, heard the <a name="page47"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 47</span>last of my musical <i>bête +noire</i>; she and the “secretary” both dunned me for +their railway fares, which I of course ignored, and I heard no +more of her till she dug me out at the House of Detention, when +she threatened me with legal proceedings for detaining, as she +alleged, her photographs—the real fact being that, after +our last stampede, her photographs that were displayed were +seized by some indignant creditor in expectation of a +ransom. For my part I hope I have really heard the last of +this irrepressible creature.</p> +<h2><a name="page48"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +48</span>CHAPTER VI.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">BOW STREET.</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">An</span> eventful day was now +approaching, and on the morrow I was to appear at Bow Street for +the first time after my formal remand of the previous +Friday. I felt an instinctive conviction that my appearance +(even though it had not appeared up to that time in the +newspapers) would be generally known, and draw together a crowd +actuated by motives either of like, dislike, or curiosity; nor +was I wrong in my surmise. An official at the police court +informed me that numbers of inquiries had been made as to the +time of my probable appearance; and as the appointed hour drew +near fresh arrivals and those that had been waiting since 10 +<span class="GutSmall">A.M.</span> combined in making up a crowd +that literally crammed the court. It was, I admit, a very +trying ordeal, for I had been pretty accurately informed what +persons were in the court and <a name="page49"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 49</span>waiting to see the +“fun.” I did, however, the best (though, I +fear, a very foolish) thing under the circumstances, and primed +myself with liquor, which certain friends, by dint of great +ingenuity, managed to convey to me, for the gaoler, though a most +civil and obliging man, was a terrible disciplinarian, and one +that was not to be “squared.” Had I not taken +these repeated nips—and I’m afraid to say how much I +imbibed—I firmly believe I could never have gone through +the examination with the <i>sang froid</i> I displayed.</p> +<p>About 12 o’clock a hurrying of feet approaching my cell +announced to me that my turn was come; and after a momentary +pause in the passage I found myself escorted by a constable and +in the dock. I can never forget that terrible moment. +In front, on each side, and behind me was a dense throng, +representing every class of persons I had ever had dealings +with. One expected a certain amount of hostility from the +side of the prosecution, but the array of faces I then saw opened +up in me a new train of thoughts. Here was a room thronged +with people I had befriended and people I had never injured; men +I had stood dinners to when their funds were lower than mine; <a +name="page50"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 50</span>lodging-house +keepers that had fleeced me, and waiters I had tipped beyond +their deserts; nameless attorneys from the slums of the City, +courting daylight and publicity in the hopeless endeavour to get +their names into print by the gratuitous offer of their valuable +but hitherto unappreciated services—all craning their necks +to stare at and exult over a poor devil, who, whatever his +faults, was now at a disadvantage. It was the old adage of +“hitting a man when he is down;” and I’m +thankful for the experience that has enabled me to form a just +estimate of the worthlessness of such professions of +friendship. On the other hand, I heard of many +persons—to their honour, be it said—who abstained +from being present through feelings of generous +consideration. My <i>quasi</i>-friend Georgina occupied a +conspicuous place in the front row. I verily believe she +never took her eyes off me, but her offensive stare had no charm +for me; I had more serious matters to occupy my mind. A +mountain of flesh that I was once on terms of intimacy with was +also present, panting with excitement, but, like the Levite of +old, “he passed over on the other side.” I will +not weary the reader with details that repeat themselves almost +<a name="page51"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 51</span>daily in +the police reports; suffice it to say that I was again remanded +for another week, and then formally committed for trial at the +next sessions of the Central Criminal Court.</p> +<p>On my two previous remands to the House of Detention I had +always managed to remain at Bow Street till the 5 o’clock +van took its load of victims. It was, at all events, a +change, and infinitely more agreeable than the depressing +atmosphere of Clerkenwell. On the day, however, of my +committal to Newgate I was informed that I could not, as before, +wait till 5 <span class="GutSmall">P.M.</span>, but must be ready +to start at 2. The rope was clearly getting +“tauter”; discipline was gradually assuming its sway, +the circles around me smaller and smaller. The other +occupants of the “Black Maria” were, like myself, all +committed for trial; and as we drove along I was much surprised +at the marvellous knowledge they appeared to have gained of me +and my affairs. I was, as before, standing in the passage +and not in a compartment, and consequently could hear all that +passed between the various passengers. My case was the sole +subject of conversation; occasionally I was the object of a +little mirthful sally. Thus, a man who had been <a +name="page52"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 52</span>sentenced to +three months’ imprisonment in default of paying a fine, +said, “Ah, Capting, you might give us two of them quids to +pay my fine”—referring to some money that had been +alluded to in the court as having been in my possession at the +time of my arrest. Another hinted that I “Best take a +good look at the streets, ’cos all wud be changed like +afore I cum out agin.” Another assured me that the +warm baths in Newgate “wus fine but ’ot.” +A lady, too, graced our party; she was tawdry, I admit, and lived +in the Dials. Her misfortune was that she had mistaken +someone’s purse for her own. She was howling over her +ill-luck for the first part of the journey, but before we arrived +at our destination had quite recovered her usual spirits. +She told me she was an actress—an assertion I am not in a +position to dispute, though I found her conversation quite as +intellectual as that of the usual ballet-girl class; and as she +was the last “lady” I was likely to see or hear for +some time, I paid great respect to her conversation. All +these familiarities were terribly grating to me; they were more +difficult to bear than any of my previous humiliations. +They were, as it were, the first instalments of being addressed +<a name="page53"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 53</span>as an +equal by inferiors who had hitherto recognised me as a superior; +and as we drove along, past objects as familiar to me as my own +face, I felt the lump rising in my throat, and I dread to think +what weakness I might have been guilty of had not a sharp turn +brought us in front of Newgate, and the opening of a huge gate on +its creaking hinges recalled me to a sense of my unenviable +position. The van, having crossed the courtyard, was backed +against the door, where a string of warders formally received us; +and after again submitting to the painful ordeal of being +catechized, I found myself traversing a dismal and nearly dark +corridor; and then the hideous conviction forced itself on me for +the first time that I was actually a prisoner and securely lodged +in Newgate.</p> +<h2><a name="page54"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +54</span>CHAPTER VII.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">NEWGATE.</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">So</span> much has been written about this +national Bastille, and so many have gone over the building, that +one feels as if writing about “a tale that is +told.” Nevertheless, I trust my narrative may +describe things never before alluded to, and be found to contain +matters of interest that came under my personal +observation. The first thing at Newgate that a fresh +arrival has to submit to is the indispensable bath, accompanied +by a very minute and simultaneous search. I was at once +ushered downstairs and into a very roomy and luxurious bath room, +quite as good as any supplied for eighteenpence at West End +establishments, and being invited to undress and get into the +bath, had the gratification of observing my clothes undergo, one +by one, a very thorough overhauling. Each item was +severally manipulated, and I am <a name="page55"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 55</span>convinced not a pin could have +escaped detection. Meanwhile I was splashing and thoroughly +enjoying myself, much as one has seen a duck that has been cooped +up for a week when suddenly turned into a pond. I had not +had such a revel for ten days, and in the ecstasy of the moment I +felt as if it was almost worth the journey to Newgate for such a +luxury. This periodical bath is one of the greatest +“inflictions” the average prisoner has to submit to, +and numerous instances came under my observation at a later +period, of ingenuity displayed by frowzy malefactors to evade +this regulation. Twenty minutes found me again +“clothed and in my right mind,” and I was ushered +into a cell on the same subterraneous floor. This cell was +certainly the most empty I had ever seen; its entire furniture +literally consisted of a camp stool and a thermometer, and this +latter instrument caused me considerable annoyance, for I am not +exaggerating when I assert that an absurd make-believe display of +anxiety for one’s welfare involved a visit and calculation +of the temperature every half-hour through the night. I +utterly failed to fathom this custom, the more so as the turnkey +who made the calculation probably <a name="page56"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 56</span>understood as much about it as he did +of astronomy, and can only attribute it to the inherent +politeness developed in the officials who periodically have +lodgers whom they begin by feeding up, and eventually end by +launching into eternity with a hand shake, if we are to believe +the papers. This idea is not my own, but was suggested to +me by a terrible scamp and fellow lodger whom I shall presently +introduce to the reader. An absurd habit that prevailed at +Newgate, and which contrasted strangely with the other customs, +was that of the chief warder as he finally counted us at +night. This official, having glared at you with an +expression such as the rattlesnake may be presumed to give the +guinea-pig just before dinner, invariably said “Good +night!” I was so struck by this unique and +time-honoured custom that I asked my friend and valet—for +he cleaned out my cell and did other jobs for me—Mr. Mike +Rose what it meant. “Well,” he said, +“they gets into a sort of perlite way like, ’cos +whenever a cove swings they nigh allus shakes hands with +’im, and maybe this is ’ow they gits perlite +like.” There was something so original in this logic +that I could not but be impressed by it, and though I failed to +<a name="page57"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 57</span>discover +the connection between the two circumstances, still I had +realized that Mr. Mike Rose was a bit of a character and worth +cultivation. Very shortly after my incarceration in the +thermometer-furnished cell I was visited by the surgeon, and +having obtained his permission to have a bed instead of a +hammock, a wooden tressel was brought in with sheets, bolster, +and blankets. I at once proceeded to make my couch, deeming +bed the best place on such a cold and cheerless afternoon; and 6 +o’clock <span class="GutSmall">P.M.</span> found me in bed, +vainly endeavouring to get warm, with my eye fixed on the +thermometer, and muffled up to the chin with sheets and blankets, +all of which were stamped in letters three inches long with the +ominous words “<span class="smcap">Newgate +Prison</span>.” I really believed that my first +night’s experience at the “House of Detention” +was sufficiently awful, but it was nothing to my sensations +here. The associations of the place, the idea that many a +murderer had probably occupied this very cell, and possibly slept +in these identical bed-coverings, all forced themselves upon +me. The bells of the numerous churches which abound round +Newgate also seemed desirous of adding to one’s misery by +joyful peals; they were <a name="page58"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 58</span>practising their weekly bell-ringing, +and one chime was repeating over and over again—in mockery +of me, as it were—Haydn’s “Hymn of the +Creation,” and “The Heavens are telling” kept +floating into my ears through granite walls and iron bars; and +though I tried very hard to stifle sound by burying myself under +the “broad-arrowed” bed-clothing, all my efforts were +futile, till sleep, kind sleep, took pity on me, and I wandered +in my dreams far away from my dreadful abode, only to be recalled +to the hideous reality by the mournful prison bell, +and—</p> +<blockquote><p>“Sorrow returned with the light of the +morn,<br /> +And the voice in my dreaming ear melted away.”</p> +</blockquote> +<p>The daily routine is somewhat different to that of the +“House of Detention.” One official only counts +the prisoners of a morning, and asks you at the time if you wish +to see the doctor during the day. I was once tempted to +express this wish with a view of procuring a sleeping +draught. He questioned me as to my symptoms in an +apparently interested manner, and eventually ordered me a dose of +“No. 2.” No. 2, I may here state, is a +ready-made article, and is baled out of a huge jar into a dirty +tin cup. I took my dose, and, without further detailing the +<a name="page59"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 59</span>result, am +extremely grateful I had not been prescribed No. 1. If I +had, it is very doubtful whether this narrative would ever have +been written. The first day is occupied with details to +which considerable importance appear to be attached—namely, +your description—every particular of which is carefully +booked by the head of each department, and a more senseless, +harassing ordeal can hardly be conceived. Surely one +inspection and general description (this was my third within ten +days) ought to suffice, and might without much trouble be +forwarded from one prison to another. It is idle to deny +that half the questions put to you are absolutely unnecessary, +and the conviction is forced on you that you are being pumped +from sheer curiosity. Thus the Chaplain, in the blandest +manner, only to be acquired by constant attendance on murderers +previous to execution, asked me questions that appeared most +impertinent—as to where I lived, and if I had any +relatives, and where they lived. I at once told him I +considered all this quite unnecessary, and declined to enlighten +him. Immediately after breakfast on the first morning the +prisoners are taken in packs of about twenty before the +Governor. This man is what is known in the army as <a +name="page60"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 60</span>a +“Ranker”—that is, one who by merit has raised +himself from the rank and file to his present position—and +had apparently brought with him many of those habits which, +however commendable in a turnkey, are beneath the dignity of a +Governor and lower the position he ought to occupy. Acting +on the habits associated with his youth, this Governor commenced +a minute examination of one’s physiognomy. Seizing +you by the nose or ear (I forget which), and scowling hard, he +began, “Eyes grey, complexion fresh, mole on neck, +&c.;” and having further personally superintended your +being measured and weighed, you were filtered through, as it +were, into the presence of the Chaplain, who tried to pump you as +before described, and who, in his turn, passed you on to the +doctor, who appeared to have a kind of roving commission to +endeavour to extract any crumbs of information omitted by his two +<i>confrères</i>.</p> +<p style="text-align: center"> +<a href="images/p60b.jpg"> +<img alt= +"A Cheerful Group" +title= +"A Cheerful Group" +src="images/p60s.jpg" /> +</a></p> +<p>The whole style and system at Newgate was excessively +low. I was moreover very much struck by the resemblance +that appeared to exist between the officials from the highest to +the lowest. Every one had the same unpleasant expression +that suggested the idea that they lived in gloomy streets, where +the drainage <a name="page61"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +61</span>was bad. I attribute this in a measure to a +commendable desire on the part of the subordinates to imitate +their chief, who had not a pleasant expression, and shows how +necessary it is that Government should select a gentleman by +birth and manners—irrespective of every other +recommendation—for a position of such delicacy as that of a +prison Governor. The next ordeal one had to submit to was +“Chapel,” and, barring the novelty of the scene, I +can hardly conceive a more absurd farce. The pumping +Chaplain was here metamorphosed into the surpliced cleric, and it +is difficult to decide in which character he was most +objectionable. In justice I must commend him for the +brevity of his remarks, for from find to finish—from +“When the wicked man” to the end of the +sermon—was all compressed into fifteen minutes, and away we +again trudged, like Alice in Wonderland, in search of further +novelty. The Chapel of Newgate is a very awful place; +anything more calculated to banish reverential feeling and +inspire horror can hardly be conceived. On each side is a +huge cage, different from anything I had ever seen, except, +perhaps, the elephant house at the Zoological. In these, +prisoners convicted and prisoners awaiting <a +name="page62"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 62</span>trial are +severally placed, thus effectually dividing the Scotland Yard +sheep from the Scotland Yard goats. Above, protected by +small red curtains, were diminutive balconies, capable of holding +three persons at most; these were for the accommodation of +murderers, from whence they receive the consolations of religion +(official) whilst awaiting strangulation. The vibration of +a curtain led me to the conclusion that one of these mortuaries +was daily occupied, a suspicion that was confirmed by events +which I subsequently heard and saw. I discovered, indeed, +that a gentleman who had cut the throats of half his family, and +who eventually benefited by the religious consolation of the +Chaplain and the delicate attentions of Mr. Marwood, was a +fellow-lodger at the same time as myself. I saw the poor +wretch every day passing and repassing, and later on +“assisted” at certain preliminaries in his +honour. I moreover had a bird’s-eye view of his last +appearance in public, facts that I shall duly narrate +hereafter.</p> +<p>“Exercise” was an indispensable feature of life in +Newgate, and nothing, I believe, could have exempted one from +this ordeal. It answered, indeed, more purposes than +one. Health was <a name="page63"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 63</span>doubtless essential; identification, +however, was considerably more important. Three times a +week, and before starting on our circus-like walk, all the +prisoners awaiting trial, amounting to over two hundred, were +ranged shoulder to shoulder round the walls, a preliminary that +at first puzzled me considerably. I was not, however, left +long in ignorance.</p> +<p style="text-align: center"> +<a href="images/p63b.jpg"> +<img alt= +"“Should old acquaintance be forgot.”" +title= +"“Should old acquaintance be forgot.”" +src="images/p63s.jpg" /> +</a></p> +<p>A little way off, and apparently approaching, I heard the +measured tramp of an advancing crowd, and suddenly there appeared +a long string of men in single file; these were the detectives, +some seventy or eighty in number, bent on a mission of +recognition. Slowly they passed before us, each one staring +and occasionally stopping and addressing a prisoner, or +whispering to one of their companions. These preliminary +enquiries often led to minuter inspections; and if they expressed +the wish, a prisoner was afterwards honoured by a private view, +and carefully compared with photographs and police +descriptions. This, no doubt, is a very essential +proceeding, and many a man “wanted” for an +undiscovered crime in another part of the kingdom, and committed +months or years previously, is recognized by this salutary +custom. As may be supposed, this inspection had <a +name="page64"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 64</span>absolutely no +personal interest to me. Still the ordeal, degrading in the +extreme, never failed to inspire me with horror; and I dreaded +the mornings when the “detecs,” as they were lovingly +termed, made their appearance. There was something so weird +and uncanny in the whole thing—the distant tramp, the +solemn march past, the offensive leer, the familiar stare, all +combined to make a horrible impression. A more repulsive +body of men than these “detecs” can hardly be +conceived, got up as they were in every kind of costume—men +in pot hats and slap-bang coats, others in shabby-genteel frock +coats and tall hats; some in fustians and others in waterproofs +and leggings, but all with the same unmistakable +expression. I hope the authorities are not under the +impression that these individuals are unknown to the law-breaking +community, for no greater fallacy can possibly exist. I +never missed an opportunity hereafter of asking habitual +criminals this question, and am satisfied that their appearances, +their beats, and their daily routine are known to every habitual +criminal in London. I’ll prove this hereafter. +Meanwhile, one has only to look about in the streets, and he +cannot fail to observe a civilian <a name="page65"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 65</span>frequently talking to a +policeman. This man is not asking his way, but is in +nineteen cases out of twenty a “recogniser”; nor can +it be wondered at if their foolish actions and evident +unwillingness to conceal their vocation makes them as +distinguishable as they are. I will confidently assert that +every pickpocket and every “unfortunate” knows each +and every one of these detectives; and as they invariably +frequent the same beat, and pursue the same tactics at the same +time every day, it can hardly be wondered at. I +know—and it will hardly be asserted that I could know it +except by having heard it from others—that a detective is +“due” daily at King’s Cross Metropolitan +Station about two <span class="GutSmall">P.M.</span>, and remains +about an hour, and that on race-days he is there before the +return from the meeting. If this is true—as I believe +it to be—it is natural to suppose that other facts are +equally well known. I could adduce a hundred instances of +this sort, for I made burglars my particular study, and will +disclose hereafter my ideas of the many fallacies that at present +exist on this subject, and the causes that lead to burglaries, +and how they are easiest avoided. I never lost the +opportunity of questioning a burglar or a <a +name="page66"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 66</span>pickpocket, +and during the next few months I saw some very fair specimens of +these respective species. My remarks must not be taken as +referring to the higher Scotland-yard detectives, than whom no +cleverer body exists, but to these trumpery plainclothes men, or +“recognisers,” that may be seen at every corner, and +who, I verily believe, do more to impede than further +justice.</p> +<h2><a name="page67"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +67</span>CHAPTER VIII.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">THE SCAFFOLD.</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">In</span> the corner of the yard where I +daily exercised stood an unpretending looking shed, with slate +roof and large folding doors, and resembling a coach-house more +than anything I can compare it to. This building always +puzzled me, and I enquired of my friend and fellow-lodger, Mr. +Mike Rose, what it was. I then discovered it was the +scaffold, that grim limb of the law on which so many wretches +have periodically suffered within three weeks of their sentence +at the Old Bailey Sessions, or, as they are familiarly known, +“The C. C. C.” I was most anxious to have a +minute examination of this masterpiece of Marwood’s, for it +is admitted that that eminent manipulator of the carotid artery +has brought his genius to bear on the grim subject with such +success that drop, knot, and platform have all arrived at the +highest <a name="page68"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +68</span>possible degree of perfection. It was the custom +to utilise the services of certain prisoners every day in general +cleaning and helping about the prison, and as I was convinced +that “the scaffold” would, like every other prison +institution, require a periodical clean up, I suggested to my +turnkey that if the chance occurred he should select me to assist +in this cheerful and instructive duty. He laughed at the +idea of <i>my</i> doing such work, and added that they only +selected men whose antecedents had habituated them to scrubbing +and cleaning; but I explained to him that if Mike and I were +selected, that Mike would do all the washing, and that I would +exercise a sort of moral effect and general supervision that +could not possibly make the slightest difference to him, and was +based on an agreement between Mike and myself, whereby for a +consideration of bread and butter, and my leavings generally, he +was to clean out my cell daily and make himself useful to me, and +on my behalf. This warder was a very good +sort—indeed, about the only one that had not that offensive +“bad drainage” expression I had noticed in the +others. So he promised compliance, and one day after dinner +I found myself in company <a name="page69"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 69</span>with Mike, crossing the yard—I +with a duster and he with a mop and pail <i>en route</i> to the +scaffold. There is something horrible in this idea, and +many readers will probably consider my act and desire to +participate in such a task as in the worst possible taste, but I +felt I should <i>never</i> have such a chance again, and being, +moreover, a philosopher, and actuated, even at that early stage, +with a determination of some day writing my experiences, I lost +no opportunity from the first day of my incarceration to the last +to see <i>everything</i> by hook or by crook. I can fairly +say I attained my object, and saw <i>more</i> than any other man +has ever done before, and that too under such favourable +circumstances as something more than chance enabled me to. +It may not here be out of place to say that I have read every +book, sensational or realistic, that purports to describe prison +life, and have invariably come to the conclusion that the writers +never really wrote from personal observation, or, if they did, +had failed signally in giving a correct description of what +actually exists. Many were well-written books, but they +were <span class="GutSmall">NOT</span> prison life. This +narrative (to use an advertising phrase) supplies a want long <a +name="page70"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 70</span>felt, and if +it abounds with faults of composition—as I readily confess +it does—it compensates in a measure for its shortcomings by +the accuracy of its details. It is written in a vein, +moreover, more likely—as I hope—to meet public +approval than that snivelling, sanctimonious style adopted by its +predecessors, and which, even if sincere, would nevertheless be +palling, but where indulged in by some scheming, anonymous, +rascally jail-bird, is as impertinent as it is nauseous. I +have no faith in converted burglars. The entire scaffold is +a most unpretending construction, and situated in any other yard +but Old Bailey might pass observation as a highly-polished and +tidy out-house. The floor is level with the outer yard, so +that the chief actor is spared the painful necessity of trying to +ascend a flight of steps with quaking knees and an air of assumed +levity. A few steps, quite unobservable whilst standing on +the “drop,” lead down from the back of the flooring +into a bricked pit below, and a long bolt, worked by a wheel, +enables this apparently solid flooring to split from the centre +and to launch the victim in mid-air into the centre of this truly +“bottomless pit.” I minutely examined all this, +and (as its thorough <a name="page71"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 71</span>dusting necessitated) rubbed and +burnished every portion I could think of. My +<i>confrère</i>, meanwhile, was on his hands and knees, +scrubbing away like grim death, and preparing the floor for the +ceremony that was to take place a few days hence. Mike all +this time was giving me the benefit of his vast experience; and +as he appeared to hear everything that was going on, he led me to +understand that eight <span class="GutSmall">A.M.</span> on +Monday next would witness one of those dreadful private +executions that periodically take place, witnessed by none but +prison officials, and associated, I verily believe, in many +instances by circumstances of brutality that would not admit of +publicity. He added that we might by luck get a view of the +procession, or at least hear a little, for, as he considerately +pointed out, our cells actually overlooked the yard. I was +most anxious to hear how we might attain to this unusual +excitement, and listened attentively whilst Mike enlightened me +in something of the following style:—“Yer see, +they’ll begin to fake the cove about eight—ah, afore +that, and none of us, see, will be allowed out that morning, you +bet; so if we can get a bit of glass out of the +windey—see—and plug it round <a +name="page72"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 72</span>wi’ +bread, why none on ’em wud be none the wiser, and we might +see a rare lot; never you mind, leave it to me, and to-morrow +when I cleans your cell, I’ll fix it for yer.” +This was indeed something to look forward to, and next morning +when Mike appeared he led me to understand, by the most hideous +grimaces, that he had succeeded on his own window, and prepared +to do the same by mine; so leaving him to himself, I withdrew +into another cell, for it is a peculiarity of prison system that +if two men are together, or even near one another, they are +invariably watched, but if alone they are comparatively +unobserved, and free to prosecute any undertaking without the +least risk of detection. Mike’s gestures, accompanied +by a rolling of his eyes in the direction of the window, +convinced me on my return that he had succeeded in his +undertaking, and having the highest opinion of his constructive +and destructive capabilities, I determined not to approach the +window nor to test his work till the supreme moment +arrived. Mike was one of those individuals who undergo +imprisonment as a matter of course, and with considerably greater +advantage than most men. I do not here include myself, for +mine was an <a name="page73"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +73</span>exceptional case; he had benefited by the experience of +years, and though only a young man, appeared to be intimate with +every prison in the kingdom; he was, moreover, a most willing and +respectful man and a capital worker, and, as such, a favourite +with the warders, who knew they could always depend on a job +being well done by him; he was, consequently, all day employed on +odd jobs, which carried with them privileges that enabled him to +roam about and give the uninitiated—such as +myself—the benefit of his profound and varied +experience. Mike, I fear, was a terrible ruffian; he was +now awaiting his trial for burglary and personal violence, and +though he assured me it was a mere nothing, and a grossly +exaggerated and trumped-up charge, I gleaned from the facts that +came out at his trial that he had rifled the contents of a small +shop in the City Road, and that when the old woman who lived on +the premises had ventured to remonstrate, that Mike had marked +his sense of such an unjustifiable proceeding by half throttling +her, and eventually making away “for a little +season.” He assured me, however, it was +“nothing,” adding, however, that as it was his fourth +conviction, he quite expected penal <a name="page74"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 74</span>servitude. He informed me also +that he had written an elaborate defence, which he proposed +reading to the judge and jury. This defence he insisted on +showing me, and I am bound to say that a more damning document, +or one more capable of hanging a man, I never saw; but luck and +circumstances happily (for him) prevented him carrying out his +intention of reading it, and Mike by the omission got off with +two years’ hard labour. Mr. Rose, who was about +four-feet-four in his stockings, communicated to me, amongst +other interesting facts, that he was a volunteer, and I could not +help realising on various occasions after he had been performing +violent exercise in my cell, that there was some truth in the +adage that “a Rose by any name would smell as +sweet.” Mike, in short, was a character, and whether +in chapel, where he apparently led the choir and knew every +response by heart, or in the prison, where he appeared <i>au +courant</i> with everything and everybody, I found him a most +useful neighbour, invariably obliging and respectful, and willing +to turn his hand to anything.</p> +<h2><a name="page75"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +75</span>CHAPTER IX.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">A PRIVATE EXECUTION.</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> eventful day at length dawned +when the scaffold was to be brought into requisition. +“The condemned sermon” of the day before, to say +nothing of the evident bustle that was going on, had sufficiently +prepared our minds for what was about to happen; and the getting +our breakfasts half an hour earlier, and the omission of the +usual passage cleaning, all clearly pointed to some unusual +occurrence. My friend the warder, too, kept me thoroughly +<i>au courant</i> with what was passing, and when giving me my +breakfast added, “Well, I sha’n’t be back just +yet, as I’ve got to assist at a little business down below +that will take about an hour.” After, therefore, he +had left me, I mounted my stool, and having contemplated +Mike’s handiwork with considerable satisfaction, removed +the pane of glass and awaited the <a name="page76"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 76</span>procession with very much the same +sensation that I have looked out for the passing of the Lord +Mayor’s Show or Mr. Hengler’s circus. The view +I anticipated can hardly be said to have been obtained under the +most favourable circumstances. Perched on a stool, and +liable, if detected, of getting into a very serious scrape, was +in itself sufficient to infuse a certain amount of alloy into the +transaction; but when to all this must be added my own +feelings—that here was I, <span class="GutSmall">ONE</span> +prisoner actually confined within the same walls, and watching +the execution of <span class="GutSmall">ANOTHER</span> +prisoner—it will readily be conceived that a piquancy was +introduced into the proceeding such as seldom or ever has fallen +to the lot of an individual in my position. I could not +have had long to wait, though the discomfort of my position and +the anxiety attending it made it appear a matter of hours; and no +twenty stone of humanity ever suffered more torture than I did +whilst with craned neck and squinting through a crevice I awaited +the advent of this hideous procession. The dismal toll of +St. Sepulchre’s bell and the distant tramp of advancing +footsteps, however, announced that the “time had +come.” I could distinctly hear the +“Ordinary” repeating in very ordinary tones <a +name="page77"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 77</span>portions of +the Burial Service as the weird procession passed below me; a +dense fog made it very indistinct, but there it was almost +beneath me—the warders first, then the Governor, and then +the condemned man trussed like a turkey, supported by Marwood, +and immediately preceded by the chaplain. I could have +dropped a biscuit amongst the party, so near were they, as they +passed through a wicket and were lost to sight. A solemn +silence now ensued, followed after a few moments that appeared +like hours by a terrible thud; and I pictured to myself the +lately scrubbed floor giving way, and my fellow-prisoner +suspended mid-air in that dark and bottomless pit. The +closing of the outer shed doors recalled me to my senses, and the +approaching sound of footsteps, as the “small and early +party” dispersed, some to breakfast and some to the morning +paper, but all to reassemble an hour hence for the inquest, the +quicklime, the thrusting into a hole, and the general +obliteration of the morning’s work, suggested to me the +advisability of at once restoring my apartment to its normal +condition. So with one piece of bread jammed into the +window, and another jammed into my mouth, I resumed my breakfast +<a name="page78"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 78</span>as if +perfectly oblivious of the terrible drama that had just taken +place. A few hours later we were exercising in the +identical yard, and the modest coach-house with its closed doors +looked as disused as the portals of a swimming-bath on Christmas +Day.</p> +<p>The scene just enacted and the <i>débris</i> of my +breakfast forcibly recalled to my mind an execution I witnessed +many years ago from, as I believe, the identical eating-house +that had just supplied me with my breakfast. It was in +’65, as near as I can recollect, that myself and three or +four others engaged a room on the first floor with two windows to +witness the execution of Müller for the murder of Mr. +Briggs. A public hanging has been so often and so +graphically described that I hesitate to attempt to add anything +that is not already known. On the night before (Sunday) we +agreed to rendezvous at 10 o’clock at the Raleigh +Club. It was raining in torrents, and it was a question in +our minds whether or no we should brave the elements; but an +empty four-wheeler standing outside settled the point, and we +proceeded on our ghastly journey. As it turned out, the +deluge was all in our favour, for had it been fine we should <a +name="page79"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 79</span>never have +got near the place, and would assuredly have shared the fate of a +cab-load of young Guardsmen who had preceded us about an hour, +and who unluckily arrived between the showers and never got +beyond Newgate Lane; at this point they were politely but firmly +invited to descend, stripped to their shirts, and then asked +where the cabman should drive them to. We, however, were +more fortunate. In a sheet of water that even the stoutest +burglar found to be irresistible, we alighted in a comparatively +deserted street in front of our unpretending coffee-house; and a +few minutes found us in a cosy room with a blazing fire, and a +servant who had preceded us laying out the contents of a hamper +of prog. The scene on the night previous to a public +execution afforded a study of the dark side of nature, not to be +obtained under any other conditions. The lowest scum of +London appeared to be here collected in dense masses, which, as +the hour of execution approached, amounted, according to the +<i>Times</i>, to at least 100,000 people. The front of +Newgate was strongly barricaded, huge barriers of stout beams +traversing the street in all directions; they were intended as a +precaution against the pressure of the crowd; <a +name="page80"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 80</span>they, +however, answered another purpose, not wholly anticipated by the +authorities. As the crowd increased, so wholesale highway +robberies were of momentary occurrence; and victims in the hands +of some two or three desperate ruffians were as far from help as +though divided by a continent from the battalions of police that +surrounded the scaffold.</p> +<p>The scene that met our view as we pulled up the windows and +looked out on the black night and its still blacker accompanyists +baffles description. A surging mass, with here and there a +flickering torch, rolled and roared before us; above this weird +scene arose the voices of men and women shouting, singing, +blaspheming; and as night advanced, and the liquor gained firmer +mastery, it seemed as if hell had delivered up its victims. +To approach the window was a matter of danger; volleys of mud +immediately saluted us, accompanied by more blasphemy and shouts +of defiance. It was difficult to believe we were in the +centre of a civilised capital that vaunted its religion and yet +meted out justice in such a form.</p> +<p>The first step towards the morning’s work was the +appearance of workmen about 4 <span class="GutSmall">A.M.</span>; +this was <a name="page81"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +81</span>immediately followed by a rumbling sound, and we +realized that the scaffold was being dragged round. A grim, +square, box-like apparatus was now indistinctly visible, as it +was slowly backed against the “debtors’ +door.” Lights now flickered about the scaffold; it +was the workmen fixing the crossbeams and uprights. Every +stroke of the hammer must have vibrated through the condemned +cells, and warned the wakeful occupant that his time was nearly +come. These cells are situated at the corner nearest +Holborn, and passed by thousands daily who little know how much +misery that bleak white wall divides them from. Gradually +as day dawned the scene became more animated, and battalions of +police marched down and surrounded the scaffold. Meanwhile +a little unpretending door was gently opened; this is the +“debtors’ door,” and leads direct through the +kitchen on to the scaffold. The kitchen on these occasions +is turned into a temporary mausoleum, and draped with tawdry +black hangings, which conceal the pots and pans, and produce an +effect supposed to be more in keeping with the solemn +occasion. From our standpoint everything was visible inside +the kitchen and on the scaffold; to the surging mass <a +name="page82"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 82</span>in the +streets below this bird’s-eye view was, however, +denied. Presently an old and decrepit man made his +appearance, and cautiously “tested” the drop; but a +foolish impulse of curiosity led him to peep over the drapery, +and a yell of execration saluted him. This was Calcraft, +the hangman, hoary-headed and tottering and utterly past his +work.</p> +<p>The tolling of St. Sepulchre’s about 7.30 <span +class="GutSmall">A.M.</span> announced the approach of the hour +of execution; meanwhile a steady rain was falling, which, +however, in no way decreased the ever-increasing crowd. As +far as the eye could reach was a sea of human faces. Roofs, +windows, church rails, and empty vans—all were pressed into +the service, and tightly packed with human beings eager to catch +a glimpse of a fellow-creature on the last stage of life’s +journey. The rain by this time had made the drop slippery, +and necessitated precautions on behalf of the living if not on +those appointed to die; so sand was thrown over a portion (not of +the drop—that would have been superfluous), but on the +side, the only portion that was not to give way. It was +suggestive of the pitfalls used for trapping wild beasts—a +few twigs and a handful of earth, <a name="page83"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 83</span>and below a gaping chasm. Here, +however, all was reversed; there was no need to deceive the chief +actor by resorting to such a subterfuge: he was to expiate his +crime with all the publicity a humane government could +devise. The sand was for the benefit of the +“ordinary,” the minister of religion, who was to +offer dying consolation at 8 and breakfast at 9 <span +class="GutSmall">A.M.</span></p> +<p>The procession now appeared, winding its way through the +kitchen, and in the centre of the group walked Müller, a +sickly, delicate-looking lad, securely pinioned and literally as +white as marble. As he reached the platform, he looked up, +and placed himself immediately under the hanging chain. At +the end of this chain was a hook, which was eventually attached +to the hemp round the poor wretch’s neck. The +concluding ceremonies did not take long, considering how feeble +the aged hangman was. A white cap was first placed over his +face, then his ankles were strapped together, and finally the +fatal noose was put round his neck, the end of which was then +attached to the hook. I fancy I can see Calcraft now, +laying the “slack” of the rope that was to give the +fall lightly on the doomed man’s shoulder, so as to +preclude the <a name="page84"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +84</span>possibility of a hitch, and then stepping on tiptoe down +the steps and disappearing below. The silence now was truly +awful. I felt my heart in my mouth; it was the most +terrific suspense I had ever realized. I felt myself +involuntarily saying, “He could be saved <span +class="GutSmall">YET</span>, <span class="GutSmall">YET</span>, +<span class="GutSmall">YET</span>;” and then a thud, that +vibrated through the street, announced that Müller was +launched into eternity. My eyes were literally glued to the +spot. I was fascinated by the awful sight; not a detail +escaped me. Calcraft meanwhile, apparently not satisfied +with his handiwork, seized hold of the wretch’s feet and +pressed on them for some seconds with all his weight, and with a +last approving look shambled back into the prison. +Meanwhile the white cap was getting tighter and tighter, until it +looked ready to burst; and a faint blue speck that had almost +immediately appeared on the carotid artery after the drop fell +gradually became more livid till it assumed the appearance of a +huge black bruise. Death, I should say, must have been +instantaneous, for he never stirred a muscle, and the only +movement that was visible was that from the gradually stretching +rope as the body kept slowly swinging round and round. The +hanging of the body for <a name="page85"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 85</span>an hour constituted part of the +sentence, an interval that was not lost upon the multitude +below. The drunken again took up their ribald songs, +conspicuous amongst which was one that had done duty pretty well +through the night, and ended with, “Müller, +Müller, he’s the man”; but the pickpockets and +the highwaymen reaped the greatest benefit. It can hardly +be credited that respectable old City men on their way to +business, with watch-chains and scarf-pins, in clean white +shirt-fronts, and with unmistakable signs of having spent the +night in bed, should have had the foolhardiness to venture into +such a crowd, but there they were in dozens. They had not +long to wait for the reward of their temerity. Gangs of +ruffians at once surrounded them; and whilst one held them by +each arm, another was rifling their pockets. Watches, +chains, and scarf-pins passed from hand to hand with the rapidity +of an eel; meanwhile their piteous shouts of +“Murder!” “Help!” “Police!” +were utterly unavailing. The barriers were doing their duty +too well, and the hundreds of constables within a few yards were +perfectly powerless to get through the living rampart.</p> +<p>From our window I saw an interesting case of <a +name="page86"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 86</span>mistaken +identity, and I was glad to have the opportunity of saving an +innocent man from arrest. The incident was referred to in +the next day’s papers, and was briefly this. A +well-dressed old man had had his scarf-pin pulled out, and a +policeman by this time being luckily near, a lad standing by was +taxed with the theft. We, however, from our vantage ground +had seen the whole affair, and recognized the real culprit, who +was standing coolly by whilst the innocent man was being marched +off. By shouting and hammering with our sticks, we +eventually succeeded in attracting the notice of the constable, +and pointed out the real culprit, and the pin was then and there +found on him.</p> +<p>Whilst these incidents were going on, 9 o’clock was +gradually approaching, the hour when the body was to be cut +down. A few minutes previously two prisoners had brought +out the shell—a common deal one, perforated with +holes. I remember remarking at the time how small it +looked; and my conjecture proved correct, for it was with +difficulty that the body could be squeezed in. It showed +with what consummate skill and regard to economy the exact size +of the body must have <a name="page87"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 87</span>been calculated. With its +clothes on, the corpse was too big for the shell; divested of +them, however, there was doubtless ample room, not only for it, +but for the layers of quicklime that enveloped it. And now +Calcraft again appeared, and producing a clasp-knife, with one +arm he hugged the body and with the other severed the rope. +It required two slashes of the feeble old arm to complete this +final ceremony, and then the head fell with a flop on the old +man’s breast, who, staggering under the weight, jammed it +into the shell. The two prisoners then carried it into the +prison, the debtors’ door closed till again required to +open for a similar tragedy, and the crowd meanwhile having +sufficiently decreased, enabled us to go home to bed, and to +dream of the horrors of the past twelve hours.</p> +<h2><a name="page88"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +88</span>CHAPTER X.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">“NEWGATE +ETIQUETTE.”</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">Visits</span> at Newgate are made under +great disadvantage, and have not even the recommendation of +privacy. A few of the more respectable (as regards clothes) +prisoners, such as myself, were allowed to see our daily visitors +in a portion of the enclosure a little removed, but still so near +the regular place that it was almost impossible to hear what was +said on account of the terrible roar made by the united lungs of +a hundred malefactors and their demonstrative friends. +Visits are only permitted between two and four o’clock, and +as everybody comes about the same hour, the babel that ensues may +be readily conceived. As, moreover, we are untried, and +consequently innocent, people, these restrictions as to time and +numbers are clearly unjust, and merit alteration. +Solicitors are permitted to consult with their clients in glass +boxes, where all can be seen <a name="page89"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 89</span>but nothing heard. These cases +are situated in the direct route through which sight-seers are +conducted. An amusing incident occurred to me on one +occasion. I was in deep consultation with an eminent +solicitor of Gray’s Inn Square, as a herd of some ten +country bumpkins, male and female, were being piloted about, and +I distinctly saw their conductor make a motion that evidently +referred to me. I cannot, of course, say what that +communication was, but it was evidently enough to raise the +desire on the part of one of the females to have a closer +inspection of me. With a light step, such as a sack of +coals might make on a skating rink, the biped cautiously stalked +me, and deliberately flattened her “tip-tilted,” +turn-up nose against the window. Without a moment’s +warning, I bounded from my chair and shouted out, “Sixpence +extra for the chamber of horrors.” The fair creature +jumped as if shot from a catapult, and I fancy I can now see her +black stockings and frowzy petticoat as she flew towards her +party. Hemma Hann had been taught a lesson!</p> +<p>There are certain abuses that call for immediate and rigorous +suppression at Newgate, the more so as it is a place where +prisoners are, as it were, in <a name="page90"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 90</span>transit, and thus many things that +might be made real advantages are (or were a year ago) gross +injustices. I refer specially to the +“privilege” of procuring your own food. Men +awaiting trial are naturally ignorant of the system and its +details, and I cannot do better than state what occurred to me, +and the absolute injustice I was subject to; for my case is only +similar to that of many others, who have not perhaps the same +advantage as I have of ventilating the grievance.</p> +<p>I was asked on the first day what I would like to order, and +deeming it safest to avoid mistakes I gave one order to hold good +daily. I ordered a pint of milk and a plate of bread and +butter for breakfast; a plate of meat and a pint of ale for +dinner; and for supper a pint of milk and a plate of bread and +butter. Now I ask any unprejudiced reader what ought such +food to have cost, supplied to a prisoner from a common +coffee-house in such a district?</p> +<p>I have been at the trouble of enquiring at this and similar +eating-houses, and find that their prices for the above articles +are, for a pint of milk, 4d.; bread and butter, 3d.; a plate of +meat and vegetables, 8d.; bread, 1d.; and a pint of ale, 4d.; <a +name="page91"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 91</span>total, 2s. +3d. But a free citizen and a caged prisoner are two +different things, for which there are two different prices. +For the above homely fare I was charged 3s. 6d. a day, and as my +money was in the hands of the prison authorities, I had +absolutely no redress. No notice was ever taken of a +complaint, though I made a dozen. Often my beer did not +come, but I was charged all the same; my milk was frequently +forgotten, and eventually appeared an hour after in a boiled +state—and yet this scandalous charge was paid daily. +I ask any humane government, is not this a shame? What is +the only inference that can possibly be drawn? Surely it is +within the bounds of possibility that these officials, badly paid +and half fed, supplement their day’s food at the expense of +the prisoner; if they do not, would they permit the coffee-house +keeper to reap such profits? Common sense suggests there +must be collusion. I am fortified in this opinion by what +I’ve lately seen. During the past few weeks +I’ve been round this grimy district, and seen the turnkeys +running in and out from the wicket opposite into certain of these +houses that I could indicate, and the honorary membership that +appears to exist leaves no room for any <a +name="page92"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +92</span>interpretation but the one suggested. I sincerely +hope this matter may not be deemed too trivial to be looked into, +and that it will be the means of introducing an improvement of +the system, whereby a prisoner can procure articles at fixed +prices, and that this tariff is hung up in every cell. My +treatment was so glaringly unjust that I cannot lose the +opportunity of giving publicity to the sequel. On the eve +of my departure to “Cold Bath Fields,” I was asked to +sign the usual paper which purported to show how my money, +£1 5s. 4d., had been expended, and as a proof of my being +satisfied with it. This I distinctly declined to do; and +one would have supposed that in an establishment where +“justice” plays so prominent a part, my refusal would +at least have elicited an enquiry. On the contrary, +however, pressure was actually brought to bear on me, and even +the Governor lowered himself by making it a personal +matter. The man, as I said before, was not a gentleman by +birth, but I was hardly prepared for such violent partizanship on +his part. “So I hear you decline to sign the receipt +for your money. Very well; I shall retain the money, and +report your conduct to the Governor of Cold Bath +Fields.” This was the <a name="page93"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 93</span>dignified speech that greeted me next +morning. In reply, I assured him that I certainly should +not sign, and he might report me to whomsoever he pleased. +Thus ended our squabble; and it might as well have been spared, +for I found on my arrival at Cold Bath Fields that only 4s. +5½d. had been sent with me, and that consequently the +eating-house man had been paid £1 0s. 10½d. by his +patron the Governor on my behalf, and despite my protest. +With the abolition of Newgate as a prison, except during the +sessions, it is sincerely to be hoped that these crying scandals +have been abolished too.</p> +<p>One thing that struck me particularly was the small number of +warders in comparison to the prisoners. Seven or eight, +from the Governor to the lowest turnkey, comprised the entire +staff, and were responsible for the safety of some two hundred +prisoners. Such a number was clearly inadequate, and the +risk they ran, however remote, was forcibly brought to my notice +by a conversation I once overheard. Amongst others awaiting +trial was a desperate-looking ruffian of low stature, with bull +head and black shaggy eyebrows—a man who had undergone more +than one sentence of penal servitude, and who, to judge by his <a +name="page94"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 94</span>appearance, +was capable of any atrocity. This ruffian was pointing out +one morning how easy it would be to make a dash at the warders, +and then, without the possibility of opposition, simply to walk +out. The plan certainly seems feasible, especially during +chapel, where four or five warders are absolutely at the mercy of +two hundred prisoners. One can only suppose that a moral +restraint exists, and on which the authorities rely, that would +prevent many from joining in such a mutiny, and who, if a choice +had to be made, would prefer to join issue with the warders +rather than with their unsavoury opponents. During the +sessions the regular staff is augmented by five or six additional +hands, for the most part feeble old men, suggestive of sandwich +men out of employment. I was much amused by one of these +patriarchs who was left in absolute and sole charge, and daily +superintended the exercise of some fifty or sixty +prisoners. I never lost an opportunity of having a chat +with him, as he stood shivering in a threadbare ulster, with a +dew-drop on his nose, a ragged comforter round his neck, and his +poor old gums rattling in the drafty yard. I found, +however, that he was not devoid of official dignity, and <a +name="page95"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 95</span>had a very +high conception of the position and importance of +“officers,” as every turnkey likes to be +styled. I remember saying to the poor old chap one day, +“You officers must have a very difficult duty to perform, +what between maintaining your dignity and doing your duty +strictly.” A leer, such as one might associate with a +magpie looking down a marrow-bone, was all he vouchsafed in reply +for a moment, and I feared he suspected I was pulling his leg; +but I was eventually reassured by his replying, “Yis, +there’s no responsibler dooty than an +officer’s.” “Yes,” I replied, +“but I’ve always heard that you officers are sad +dogs;” and as I moved away I heard the old gums clatter as +if pleased at the compliment, and if I had had a shilling in my +pocket I should certainly have given it to the old +“officer.” The first day of the sessions had +now arrived, and I rose with mingled feelings of anxiety and +pleasure; anxiety for what the day might bring forth, and +pleasure at the thought that anything was better than the +uncertainty that at present involved my future, and hailing with +delight the prospect of knowing the worst. I never +expected, however, that my case would be tried on the first day, +and <a name="page96"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 96</span>was +therefore considerably taken back when, about 3 <span +class="GutSmall">P.M.</span>, my door was suddenly opened, and +with a “Come along, you’re wanted in the +Court,” a warder made his appearance. The awful +reality now burst on me for the first time that I was on the +point of appearing in a criminal dock to answer a charge of +forgery, and uttering forged bills. I won’t weary the +reader by saying more than that I pleaded guilty to the uttering, +but denied the forging, as I still do, and ever shall; but being +informed that the two acts were considered synonymous, my plea +was registered as “guilty,” and I was sentenced to +eighteen months imprisonment with hard labour. I am now +entering on a phase of my career which may be considered as the +commencement proper of my narrative, and one that I expected, +from the steps that led up to it, would consist of harshness and +brutality, such as one reads of in stories of the Bastile and +other prisons; whereas, on the contrary, I was leaving all that +behind, and about to experience a kindness and consideration I +can never adequately describe or be sufficiently grateful +for. But a word or two is necessary before we leave Newgate +to enable me to describe the Old <a name="page97"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 97</span>Bailey Court House and its sombre +approaches, its subterraneous passages, and dingy cells. I +must also make a digression to narrate the heart-breaking story +of a poor wretch which he himself told me, and which I’ve +reason to believe is strictly true, and to which his position as +a man of title—I shall refrain from giving his +name—imparts a considerable degree of interest. It is +a tale which demonstrates to what a contemptible state a man can +bring himself by the excessive use of stimulants, and how that +degradation is augmented when wedded to immorality, culminating +in the inevitable shipwreck that waits on bright prospects and a +long rent roll when drink and prostitution appear at the altar, +only to be divorced, as in the present case, by a term of penal +servitude.</p> +<h2><a name="page98"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +98</span>CHAPTER XI.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">THE TITLED CONVICT.</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">On</span> the morning after my arrival at +Newgate it was with considerable surprise that I saw a man in +convict dress, who was apparently the object of special watch and +guard. My curiosity was considerably increased from the +circumstance of his being the only individual out of some two +hundred in this conspicuous attire; he was moreover clearly not a +novice, but wore the dreadful suit with the apparent ease of a +man to whom it was by no means a novelty. He looked +horribly ill, and a terrible eruption that showed itself on his +neck, face, and hands gave unmistakable evidence that the unhappy +wretch was literally rotten; added to this, however, there was a +something about him, a “<i>je ne sais quoi</i>,” that +marked the gentleman and asserted the blue blood, despite the +convict dress, the loathsome disease, and the degrading <a +name="page99"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +99</span>surroundings. A fixed melancholy seemed never to +desert him. When he moved, it was with eyes cast down, and +nothing appeared to interest him; it was the motions of a human +machine, bowed down with grief or shame, or meditating some awful +vengeance. I was so struck with all this that I determined +to lose no opportunity of scraping an acquaintance with the +mysterious stranger. I enquired of a warder, but all he +knew or pretended to know was that he was undergoing a sentence +of 20 years’ penal servitude, and had lately been drafted +there from a convict prison; that he had only been there a few +days, and would in all probability be moved elsewhere very +shortly. Chance favoured my desire to make his +acquaintance. It was on a Saturday afternoon, a time +devoted to a very general and extra clean up, and when almost +everyone is put on a job. My warder—like a +brick—had put me, at my urgent request, to +“dusting” the rails, a duty, I had observed, at which +the convict was frequently employed. I got as near as +discretion would permit, and ventured to ask him who and what he +was. He looked at me at first with a mingled expression of +surprise and distrust, but being apparently reassured by either +<a name="page100"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 100</span>my +manner or my dress, began in short, jerky sentences in something +of the following style: “You ask me who I am. +That’s a question I haven’t heard for six long +years. Since that time I’ve been an unit, 4016 of +Portland, and praying night and day that death would release +me.” I was alarmed at his excited manner; his eyes +flashed, he quivered like a maniac, and I begged him to be +calm. This appeal seemed to touch some long dried-up +spring; kind words evidently sounded strange to him, and a tear +trickled down his seamed and hollow cheeks. The weakness, +however, was but momentary, and wiping his eyes with his coarse +blue handkerchief, he began in a melancholy voice the following +sad story:—</p> +<p>“You ask me who I am, or rather who I was. Know, +then, that six years ago I was known as —.” I +started at the name, for it was a well-known and titled +one. “At an early age my parents died, leaving me the +possessor (under guardians) of £20,000 a year, an estate in +England, and another in Ireland, a house in London, and an +ancient title. My uncle and guardian, alas! was actuated by +no affection for me, but considered that if he placed me under a +good tutor, <a name="page101"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +101</span>insured me a liberal education, and sent me to see the +world, he was fairly earning the handsome salary allowed him by +the Court of Chancery, whose ward I was. At the age of 18 I +started with my tutor on a three years’ tour, it having +been decided that I should thus have seen everything, and made a +fitting termination to the education of a man with the bright +prospects I so confidently considered were in store for me. +Would to God I had been born a navvy; I should never then have +become what you now see me. The eventful era in my life at +length arrived. After seeing everything and going half over +the world, I found myself in England again, and on the eve of +being invested with the absolute control of my huge +estates. I will not insult you, nor deceive myself, by +concealing any of my blemishes. Know, then, I was a +drunkard, a confirmed sot at 21, too weak to resist the dram +bottle, and capable of every folly, every crime, when under the +influence of its fatal spell. I moreover hated the society +of gentlemen, and was never happy except in low company. In +London, whither I came after taking possession of my estates, I +did not know a soul; the few respectable friends or relatives of +my father I studiously <a name="page102"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 102</span>avoided. Pleasure for me was +only to be attained by herding with cads and prostitutes. +My position, my title, my wealth, made this an easy task, and I +soon became acquainted with a number of that voracious, +threadbare class. My most intimate friends were broken-down +gentlemen and spendthrifts of shady reputation; fighting men and +banjo men, and blood-suckers of every type, who flattered my +vanity, and led me as it were, with the one hand, whilst they +rifled my pockets with the other. They ate at my expense, +they drank at my expense; I paid their debts in many instances, +and any rascal had only to recount to me a tissue of lies for me +to at once offer him consolation by the ‘loan’ of a +cheque. ‘What matters it,’ thought I; +‘was I not —, and had I not more money than I could +possibly spend in a century?’ I was passionately fond +of theatres, not respectable ones where I should have had to +behave decently, but low East-end and transpontine ones, where I +was a very swan amongst the geese, and where my title and wealth +obtained me the inestimable privilege of going behind the scenes, +and throwing money about in handfuls. On these almost +nightly visits I was invariably dunned and asked for aid by every +<a name="page103"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +103</span>designing knave; they saw I was a fool, and usually +drunk, and what I mistook for homage was in reality the treatment +that only a contemptible drunkard with money, such as I, ever +gets. Every scene-shifter had a harrowing tale, or an +imaginary subscription list, to all of whom I administered +bounteous monetary consolation; and any varlet with a whole hand, +and a greasy rag round it, at once received a ‘fiver’ +as a mark of sympathy for his painful accident. In short, I +was a fool, looked on as only fit to be fleeced, and simply +tolerated for the sake of my money. Would to God I had +confined myself to these contemptible but otherwise harmless +follies!</p> +<p>“It was on a dull foggy night—a night I can never +forget—that some half-dozen of my boon companions had been +dining with me at a celebrated restaurant. The +<i>débris</i> of the dessert had not been removed, and +they were sipping their coffee whilst I was settling the bill, +when a suggestion was made that we should go to the +‘Sussex.’ The ‘Sussex’ was a very +disreputable theatre, situated somewhere over the water, and +supported entirely by the lowest classes and a few golden calves, +such as myself, who were serving their <a +name="page104"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +104</span>apprenticeship, and who were permitted the inestimable +privilege of going behind the scenes—entering the +green-room, or indeed any room, and paying ten shillings a bottle +for as much fluid of an effervescent nature in champagne bottles +as anybody and everybody chose to call for. On these +occasions we were ushered into the sacred precincts, with a +certain amount of implied caution similar to and about as +necessary as that assumed by a ragamuffin in the streets when +asking you to buy a spurious edition of the <i>Fruits of +Philosophy</i>. This, however, in my ignorance, only +enhanced the pleasure. We were, as I believed, +participating in some illegal transaction, permitted only to the +most fortunate. As a fact, we were violating no law; and if +the Lord Chamberlain did not object, Scotland Yard certainly +didn’t. Etiquette on these occasions demanded that we +should be formally introduced to the various ‘ladies’ +that frequented the green-room—a custom I considered highly +commendable, for in my ignorance I believed that not the +slightest difference existed between the highest exponent of +tragedy and the frowsiest ballet-girl in worsted tights and +spangles.</p> +<p>“On this particular night, as I was watching <a +name="page105"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 105</span>the +transformation scene being ‘set,’ and listening to +the sallies of the tawdry ‘fairies’ that crowded the +wings, my attention was attracted by a tall woman, who was +gnawing a bone with a gusto that conveyed to me the impression +she hadn’t eaten for a month. I felt for the poor +creature, and went and stood near her. I thought at the +time (for I was very drunk) that she was the most beautiful being +I had ever seen; her pink-and-white complexion (it was in reality +dabs of paint) appeared to me to be comparable only to a +beautiful shell. I was spellbound by the sight, and +instantaneously and hopelessly in love. It would have been +a mercy—may God forgive me!—if that bone had choked +her. That woman eventually became ‘her +ladyship.’ But I’m anticipating.”</p> +<p>The poor fellow here became so affected that I begged him to +pause; it was, however, useless.</p> +<p>“The sight of her in a measure sobered me, and I asked +her who and what she was. She told me a harrowing tale of +how she was the eldest of seven children; that her mother was +bed-ridden and her father blind; and how she toiled at a +sewing-machine all day and at the theatre all night, and <a +name="page106"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 106</span>then only +earned a miserable pittance, barely sufficient to keep a roof +over their heads. The recital affected me considerably +(drunken people are easily moved to tears), as she went on to +tell me how she had been in the theatre since 11 that morning +(for it was the pantomime season, and there had been a morning +performance), and how she had not tasted food until a carpenter +had kindly given her the remains of his supper. I lost no +time in procuring a bottle of champagne, and felt happier than I +had for years as she placed a tumblerful to her parched lips and +drank it off at a gulp. A few moments later I saw +‘little Rosie’ (for so she told me her blind parent +loved to call her) being lashed to an ‘iron,’ and +posing as an angel for the great transformation scene in course +of preparation. I subsequently discovered—though, +alas! too late—that ‘little Rosie’ was nightly +to be seen outside the ‘Criterion’ and in front of +the ‘Raleigh,’ and was known as ‘big +Rose.’ But my mind has again got in advance of my +story. Oh, dear! oh, dear! where am I?”</p> +<p>At this stage I really got alarmed, far his excitement was +evidently increasing. Happily, however, a passing official +necessitated silence, and <a name="page107"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 107</span>he eventually resumed with +comparative composure.</p> +<p>“I will not weary you with unnecessary details; suffice +it to say that within a month we were married, and the vows that +were made ’till death should us part’ were eventually +broken by the living death that consigned me to penal +servitude. After our marriage ‘little +Rosie’s’ nature gradually began to change; and the +frankness and <i>naïveté</i> that had so captivated +me gradually gave way to habits and sentiments that astonished +and alarmed me. I verily believe that, had I found in her +the woman I hoped and believed her to be, I should truly have +reformed, and given up that vile curse, drink. Instead of +that, however, I found at my elbow one who was always ready to +encourage me in the vice. Port was her favourite tipple, +and though my own state seldom permitted me to judge of her +consumption, still in my lucid intervals of sobriety I was +astonished at the amount she consumed. Gradually we began +to turn night into day, and nights of debauch regularly followed +the few hours of daylight we seldom or ever saw. Even yet I +had not abandoned all hope of reform. My conscience smote +me when I was sober enough <a name="page108"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 108</span>to heed it, and in hopes of avoiding +temptation I hurried with my wife to Ireland; but even here she +could not rest quiet. The cloven foot persisted in showing +itself, and we were tabooed by the whole county. In this I +found further cause for mortification—I who might have been +looked up to and sought after. I tried to spare my +wife’s feelings by concealing the real cause of our +existence being ignored; but, fool that I was, I gave way to her +importunings, and actually called on those who had avoided +us. The well-merited reward of my temerity was not long in +coming. Some of the county families returned our cards by +post, whilst others sent them back by a servant; and at a +subscription ball that took place not long after we received the +cut dead. This filled up the cup of my humiliation, and I +rushed back to London. I had realised the fact that virtue +won’t herd with vice.</p> +<p>“A cousin about this time made his appearance, and +gradually became a daily visitor; and had my muddled faculties +been more capable of forming an opinion, I might have been +puzzled how a well-dressed and apparently gentlemanly man could +be the nephew of either the blind father or the <a +name="page109"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 109</span>bed-ridden +mother. Gradually, however, my suspicions were aroused, and +I employed a detective to watch them both. He fulfilled his +duty, alas! too well, and I received incontestable proof that my +wife was a —, and that the ‘cousin’ was a man +with whom she had lived for years. A sickly child, too, +that frequently came to the house, and whom she often told me, +with tears in her eyes, was her ‘dead +sister’s,’ I had reason to suspect was a much nearer +relative. But my feelings outstride my discretion. +I’m again going too fast, and surely you’ve heard +enough?”</p> +<p>I begged him to continue, for I was deeply interested in his +tale.</p> +<p>“My wife now began to display reckless extravagance; +nothing was good enough for her; the handsome settlement I had +made on her failed to meet a fraction of her expenses, and she +became so degraded as to borrow money of my very servants. +Love, they say, is blind, and in my case, I fear, was frequently +blind drunk. On these occasions I would agree to anything, +and gradually signed away first one thing, and then another, till +I found myself divested of house, estates, everything, and a +pensioner on my wife’s bounty. It <a +name="page110"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 110</span>may seem +incredible that anything should be capable of bringing the blush +of shame to such as I—I who for six long years have worn +this dreadful dress—but, believe me, my cheeks tingle even +now when I think of it all. I was at length compelled to +resort to the pawnbroker’s, and watch, chain, ring, +everything, found their way to an establishment in — +Road. My credit, once good, was entirely gone; tradesmen to +whom I owed money began to dun me; others refused me the smallest +credit; servants, washerwomen, butchers, and bakers all were +creditors; writs and County Court summonses were of daily +occurrence; and the family mansion that my ancestors had never +disgraced was in the hands of the bailiffs. How I cried out +in my anguish will never be known. Relations I had none to +whom I could apply for sympathy or advice. My only friend +was ‘drink,’ and in my misery I turned to it with +redoubled energy. I have not much more to tell; the climax +which brought me here was very near at hand. One afternoon +I had returned to our lodgings (we were then in apartments at 28, +— Place) rather sooner than expected from a fruitless +endeavour to borrow a few pounds. I had <a +name="page111"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 111</span>stopped at +every public-house, and gulped down a dram of cheap spirits, in +hopes of lightening my sorrow; I was, I believe, almost mad with +misery and drink. As I entered the room the first thing +that met my gaze was the hated ‘Cousin.’ To +seize a loaded pistol that always hung over the mantel-piece was +the work of a second, and, without aim, without deliberation, I +fired. The report and my wife’s screams alarmed a +policeman who happened to be passing by; he entered and found her +swooning on the ground, but happily uninjured. Thank God! +I’m free of that crime—and the tell-tale bullet +lodged in the wall. Concealment was hopeless. I was +there and then arrested, and eventually sentenced, on the +evidence of my wife and her paramour, to ‘twenty +years’ penal servitude.’”</p> +<p>His excited state alarmed me. I feared we should be +observed, but it was hopeless to attempt to check him as, with +eyes starting, and the tears flowing fast, he added, pointing to +his seamed and blotchy face: “The worst has yet to be told; +look at these scars that I shall carry with me to the +grave. Can you suspect what they are? My +—.”</p> +<p>“Hush!” I said, “they have noticed +us.”</p> +<p><a name="page112"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 112</span>I +never saw him again, but heard, months after, that the unhappy +man had died, and that the bright expectations accruing from +youth, birth, and fortune, that had been formed six short years +ago, lie buried in a nameless convict’s grave.</p> +<p>Not long ago I walked round to the pawn shop in — Road, +with the morbid desire of testing the truth of some of his +assertions, and found that the watch, chain, and ring were still +there. I informed the worthy pawnbroker of the real name +and sad fate of his former customer, and was almost tempted to +purchase the cat’s-eye as a souvenir of my quasi-friend; +but more prudent counsels prevailed, and I relegated them to the +auction-room, to go forth with their crests and monograms, a sad +memento of fallen greatness.</p> +<h2><a name="page113"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +113</span>CHAPTER XII.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">THE CENTRAL CRIMINAL COURT.</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">After</span> my sudden summons to attend +the Court I found myself in the yard below, where, in company +with some twenty others, I was placed in rotation according to a +list the Governor and chief warder were +“checking.” This formula being completed, we +proceeded in single file, preceded by an “officer” +and followed by a patriarch, along the subterraneous passages +that connect the prison with the Old Bailey Court-house. +These passages are the last remnants of the old prison, and +demonstrate the change that has taken place in the accepted +notions of insuring the safety of prisoners. Every few +yards a massive iron door some inches thick, with huge bolts and +a ponderous key, bars the passage. Having passed through +all these, we came to a halt in a dark recess, partially lighted +by gas, on each side of which were arched cells, <a +name="page114"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 114</span>suggestive +of those of the Adelphi. Into each of these five or six of +us were conducted, for by the prison system prisoners before +trial may be herded together; after conviction, however, all that +ceases, and one is “supposed” henceforth to be +isolated. After a delay of some twenty minutes, and during +which I was initiated into the style of society I might expect +for the future, my name was called and I was conducted up a +wooden stair. The hum of voices—for I could see +nothing—indicated to me that I was in the vicinity of the +Court and on the stair leading into the dock—one of those +mysterious boxes I had often seen from the opposite side, where +criminals popped up and popped down so suddenly and so +mysteriously.</p> +<p>I had seen many murderers sentenced to death from that very +dock, and was often puzzled at the geography of the place; all +this, however, was now made perfectly clear. It was with +mingled feelings of astonishment and bewilderment that I found +myself, suddenly and without warning, the observed of all +observers. The crowded Court, the forest of well-known +faces—vindictive prosecutors, reluctant witnesses, +quasi-friends come to gloat over my misfortune, and one or two +real sympathisers—all <a name="page115"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 115</span>appeared glued together to my +bewildered gaze. Beyond, and seated against the wall, were +innumerable figures robed in flowing scarlet gowns, and +presenting to my senses so ghastly and weird a picture that I can +compare it to nothing but that impressive trial scene in +“The Bells,” to which Mr. Irving imparts such +terrible reality. It only required the mesmerist to +complete the resemblance; and he must have been there, although +invisible, for I was mesmerized, or at least completely +dazed. By degrees, however, I recovered my senses, and +embracing the whole scene, summed up the vanity of human sympathy +and the value to be attached to friendship, as it is +called. Reader, whoever you are, take the word of a man who +has been rich and surrounded by every luxury. Friends will +cluster round you in your prosperity as they did round me, and +when they have eaten you out of house and home, and robbed you by +fair means or foul, by card playing and racing, you must not be +surprised if you discover that the most vindictive and +uncompromising are those you least expected. “For it +was not an enemy that reproached me, then I could have borne +it—neither was it he that hated me, that did magnify +himself against me; but it <a name="page116"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 116</span>was a man, mine equal, my guide, and +my acquaintance—yea, mine own familiar friend in whom I +trusted, which did eat of my bread—hath lifted up his heel +against me.”</p> +<p>The ordeal at length had been gone through, and I was on my +return journey to the prison as a “convicted +prisoner.” A prisoner after sentence consists of only +two classes, the “convict” and the “convicted +prisoner,” and it is marvellous how soon the difference +shows itself. The “convicted prisoner” finds +absolutely no change beyond being deprived of the questionable +privilege of procuring his own food at an exorbitant rate. +With the “convict,” however, things are very +different. Immediately after sentence he is stripped of all +his clothes, his hair and beard are cropped as close as scissors +can do it, and he is metamorphosized by the assumption of the +coarse brown and black striped convict dress. The change is +so marvellous that it is difficult at first to recognize a +man. One poor fellow I saw, a gentlemanly-looking man from +the Post-office, that I frequently spoke to, was so changed when +I saw him next morning in Chapel that I could not for the moment +recognize the poor wretch who kept grinning at me with an air of +<a name="page117"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 117</span>levity +as assumed as it was painful. I am not ashamed to admit +that I thanked Providence I had escaped that fearful doom. +It is not generally known that two years’ imprisonment is +the limit of a sentence of hard labour, after which the next +higher punishment involves five years’ penal +servitude. There is a vast deal of ignorance displayed on +this subject, even by those who might be supposed to know +better. It is generally believed that imprisonment with +hard labour is a severer punishment than penal servitude. +No greater fallacy ever existed. I base my assertion, not +so much on personal experience (for I was exceptionally +fortunate), as on what I saw of the treatment of others; and I +confidently assert—and my opinion would be corroborated by +every respectable prisoner (if such an anomaly can +exist)—that two years’ “hard labour” is +an infinitely lighter punishment than even two years of penal +servitude would be; and I can only attribute the general +acceptation of this error to the fact that convicts get a little +more food than convicted prisoners, and prisoners as a rule will +do anything for “grub.”</p> +<p>I have now brought my experiences of Newgate to a close, and +shall briefly describe our departure <a name="page118"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 118</span>to our final and respective +destinations. An unusual bustle one morning indicated that +something out of the ordinary was about to happen, and though we +received no actual warning, it was generally buzzed about that we +were to make a start after breakfast. At breakfast-time the +warder told me to put my things together, and half an hour later +found me and sixteen others marshalled in the corridor, where, +being carefully compared with our respective descriptions, we +were formally handed over to a detachment of warders from +Coldbath Fields. Other parties were being simultaneously +paraded for Holloway and Pentonville, the latter all in convict +dress and as pitiable a looking set as can well be +conceived. I discovered, both now and subsequently, that a +human being is invariably referred to as if he were a +parcel. Thus, on arrival, one is said to be +“received,” and one’s departure is described as +being “sent out.” This is not intended in an +offensive sense, but may be taken rather as a figure of +speech. In the adjoining yard were half a dozen +vans—indeed, I had never before seen such a formidable +array, except, perhaps, a meet of the four-in-hand club on a +rainy day—and into one of these I was politely <a +name="page119"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 119</span>conducted, +with a degree of precaution as unnecessary as it was absurd.</p> +<p>No reader can accuse me of rounding the points of this +ungarnished story, or endeavouring to conceal any incident, +however unpleasant. As, however, my subsequent experiences +may discover a treatment so kind and exceptional as to appear +almost incredible, I must only ask the reader to credit me with +the veracity that my previous frankness entitles me to +expect. My anxiety on this point is considerably enhanced +by the contradiction it will bear to other narratives I have +read, and which, purporting to describe prison life, invariably +represent it as a hot-bed of cruelty, where prisoners are starved +and otherwise ill-treated, all of which I emphatically deny, and +cause me to doubt whether one single specimen of these so-called +personal narratives is anything else but an “idle +tale,” written with a view of enlisting sympathy, and +possibly turning an honest penny. If these writers and +these prisoners had seen as much as I have (from outside) of +prisons on the Continent, in Morocco, and in China, they would +think themselves very fortunate in their present quarters. +I—who have seen prisoners starving in <a +name="page120"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 120</span>prisons in +Morocco, and absolutely “unfed,” except by the +charity of visitors, who usually scramble a few shillings’ +worth of bread amongst them; and who, for a dollar to the jailor, +have seen a Chinaman at Shanghai brought out, made to kneel down +and have his head sliced off like a water-melon—have no +patience with these well-fed, well-clothed, and well-housed +rascals. I would send all these discontented burglars and +their “converted” biographers to China or Morocco, +and omit to supply them with return tickets. I have lately +read a book connected with penal servitude, by an anonymous +writer, in which this innocent lamb is whining throughout of his +hardship in being compelled to herd with criminals; and it says a +great deal for his imitative capacity that he should so naturally +and so thoroughly have adopted the almost universal +“injured innocence” tactics of the habitual +criminal. One great nuisance at all prisons is the almost +universal habit that prisoners have of protesting their +innocence; they protest it so often to everybody on every +possible occasion, that they eventually begin to believe that +they really are innocent. I found these guileless creatures +great bores; indeed I am (I am convinced) well within <a +name="page121"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 121</span>the mark +when I assert that there were only about three-and-twenty guilty +persons besides myself amongst the fifteen hundred prisoners in +Coldbath Fields. This compulsory herding with innocent +burglars is a great trial, and one that never enters into the +calculation of a judge.</p> +<p>A short drive at a good pace on this early December morning +brought us to the gates of Coldbath Fields Prison; and as I +stepped out, I could not help recalling Dante’s famous +line—</p> +<blockquote><p>“All hope abandon ye who enter +here.”</p> +</blockquote> +<p>It only proves how apt one is to form erroneous ideas from +first impressions. I was never more mistaken in my +life.</p> +<h2><a name="page122"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +122</span>CHAPTER XIII.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">“CORPULENCY.”</span></h2> +<p>From my birth up to within the past twelve months I have had +the misfortune to be afflicted with one of the most dreadful +diseases that flesh is heir to. It is one that entails +suffering both to body and mind, and from which a vast proportion +of humanity suffers in a more or less aggravated form. It +is a slow and insidious disease that never decreases of its own +accord, but on the contrary develops itself with one’s +increasing years as surely as the most virulent cancer. It +has this advantage, however, over this latter dreadful +complaint—that it invariably yields to treatment +conscientiously applied; but it has also this disadvantage, that, +whereas other afflictions invariably enlist the sympathy of our +fellow-creatures, this one never fails to be jeered and hooted at +and turned into ridicule by the coarse and vulgar of <a +name="page123"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 123</span>our +species. This complaint, surprising as it may appear, is +held in contempt by most of the faculty, and I doubt whether it +has ever received baptism in the English or any other +pharmacopoeia. I will therefore without further preamble +state, for the benefit of afflicted humanity, that it is called +“obesity.” In the course of my remarks I may be +led into the use of what may appear strong expressions; and if I +should unwittingly offend the susceptibilities of any fat reader, +he or she will, I trust, forgive it, as coming from one who has, +as it were, gone through the mill, and been subjected to the like +ridicule and the like temptations as themselves.</p> +<p>For thirty-eight years I’ve been a martyr to +obesity. At my birth, as I am credibly informed, I was +enormous—a freak of nature that was clearly intended for +twins. As I developed into boyhood I still maintained the +same pronounced pattern; and when I entered the Army as an +ensign, it was said, with a certain amount of truth, that I was +eighteen years of age and 18 stone in weight. I am +particular in giving these otherwise uninteresting details, for I +am aware from experience how fat people catch at every straw to +evade a “regimen,” <a name="page124"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 124</span>and invariably say as I did, +“Nothing will make me thin,” “I’ve tried +everything,” “It’s natural in our +family,” “My father weighed nineteen stone,” +&c., &c. I say to these people, “This is +rubbish. I don’t care if your father weighed forty +and your grandmother fifty stone; I’ll <span +class="GutSmall">GUARANTEE</span> to <span +class="GutSmall">REDUCE</span> you perceptibly and with <span +class="GutSmall">PERFECT SAFETY</span> if you’ll guarantee +to follow my instructions.”</p> +<p>For the past fifteen years I’ve tried every remedy, +with, however, the invariable result—that they did me no +good, or at least so little that I came to the conclusion that +the result did not repay the inconvenience. It must here be +understood that when I refer to “remedies,” I do not +speak of some that aspire to that title, which, if they +don’t kill, don’t certainly cure; nor of others which +will assuredly first cure and then as certainly kill—though +I confess to have given even these a trial, and swallowed +ingredients that don’t come well out of analysis. I +would warn all zealous fat people to be careful of these +concoctions, and at least consult a physician before saturating +their systems with poisons. I do not even refer to other +“remedies,” admittedly and which I have found <a +name="page125"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 125</span>safe, +though before concluding my hints I shall have a word to say +about them, and give my opinion of their respective titles to +merit, on the principle that “a wink is as good as a nod to +a blind horse.” In support of my claim to credence I +may state that my appearance was known to almost everybody, many +of whom have since seen me as I now am; and though I cannot +produce testimonials from a corpulent clergyman in Australia who +weighed 40 stone and now only 14, and never felt better in his +life, nor from the fat Countess del Quackador, of Buenos Ayres, +who attributes her recovery to the sole use of —, still I +can produce myself, and seeing is usually admitted to be half way +to believing. My theory is based on that of that excellent +man and apostle of corpulency, the late Mr. Banting—a +theory which, as propounded by him, was in a crude state, but, +like all great discoveries, is capable of improvement based on +experience. In short, I agree with him as a whole, but +differ on many essential points. I felt, whilst practising +his treatment, that something was wanting, and my experience has +since discovered what that something is. Others like myself +may have found the Banting theory deficient <a +name="page126"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 126</span>beyond a +certain point. I would ask these to give mine a fair trial +for three months.</p> +<p>Anyone who has waded through my narrative will observe that +the dietary I subsisted on for some months of my life was in +itself incapable of reducing a man; and it was thanks to the +liberal margin I had to work upon, and the facilities I enjoyed +for not only weighing myself, but also my food, that I attribute +in a great measure the perfecting of my theory, and the reliance +that may be placed on it. Banting lays down as a principle +that “quantity may fairly be left to the natural appetite, +provided the quality is rigidly adhered to.” In this +I disagree with him, but on the contrary confidently assert that +until the subject is reduced to its proper size, it is absolutely +imperative to limit the quantity as well as the quality. +The quantity, however, is a liberal one, both as regards solid +and fluid. At the same time it must be remembered that +great ignorance exists as to the weight of the commonest articles +of dietary, and to form an estimate of their weight by their +appearance can only be attained by experience. One often +hears of persons that “don’t eat more than a +bird,” and stout people are invariably <a +name="page127"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 127</span>accredited +with being small eaters. It would astonish these persons to +find that they consume in blissful ignorance three or four pounds +a day. I would recommend every corpulent person to purchase +a set of cheap scales capable of weighing accurately one, two, +four, and eight ounces (an ounce is a word that conveys a +diminutive impression, yet eight of them constitute half a +pound); these can be procured at any ironmonger’s at a cost +of two or three shillings. I would also suggest a half-pint +measure; this involves an outlay of about twopence. Without +these two articles no corpulent person’s house can be +considered properly furnished. Before commencing the +experiment it is indispensable to be accurately weighed, taking +care to weigh <i>all</i> you have on (separately and at another +time), so that your exact weight can be arrived at, whether +attired in summer or winter clothing. By degrees this +weekly weighing becomes an amusement, and one that increases as +your weight decreases.</p> +<p>The following table may be accepted as fairly accurate, and +shows what the respective natural weights of persons ought to +be. I do not lay down a hard and fast rule, that in no case +ought it <a name="page128"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +128</span>to be exceeded. On the contrary, my theory, based +on personal experience, convinces me that every person has his +own peculiar weight and dimensions as intended by Nature, and +when he has found his “bearings”—which he will +have no difficulty in doing, as I shall explain hereafter, by +unmistakable symptoms—any further reduction is attended +with difficulty, and is, indeed, unnecessary. Taken, +however, as something to work upon, the following scale, obtained +from a leading insurance company, may be studied with advantage; +and when the corpulent reader has arrived within half a stone of +the specified weight—a generous concession surely—he +may then, but not till then, begin to take occasional liberties, +both as regards quantity and quality. I am offering these +remarks to those only who conscientiously intend to give my +theory a fair trial. To those lukewarm disciples who would +like to be thin, without possessing the self-denial necessary for +this most simple remedy, I cannot do better than apply the views +I once heard expressed by a piper to a cockney officer in a +Highland regiment who asked him to play the “Mabel” +valse—that “it would only be making a fool of the +tune and a fool of the pipes.”</p> +<table> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center"><a +name="page129"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 129</span>Average +weight for a person</p> +</td> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">High</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p style="text-align: center">Stones</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: center">Pounds</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: center">Feet</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: center">Inches</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p style="text-align: right">8</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">2 or 3</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">5</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">0</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p style="text-align: right">8</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">8 – 9</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">5</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">1</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p style="text-align: right">9</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">1 – 2</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">5</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">2</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p style="text-align: right">9</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">8 – 9</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">5</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">3</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p style="text-align: right">9</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">11 – 12</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">5</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">4</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p style="text-align: right">10</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">3 – 4</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">5</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">5</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p style="text-align: right">10</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">6 – 7</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">5</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">6</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p style="text-align: right">10</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">9 – 10</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">5</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">7</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p style="text-align: right">11</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">2 – 3</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">5</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">8</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p style="text-align: right">11</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">9 – 10</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">5</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">9</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p style="text-align: right">12</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">4 – 5</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">5</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">10</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p style="text-align: right">12</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">10 – 12</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">5</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">11</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p style="text-align: right">13</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">0</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">6</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">0</p> +</td> +</tr> +</table> +<p>When the reader has attained to within half a stone of these +figures, he will have the game in his own hands, and can regulate +his system with as much accuracy as a clock. On November +25th, 1881, I weighed the enormous weight of 19 stone 13 +lbs. On October 1st, 1882, I weighed 12 stone 4 lbs., and +with a loss of 18 inches in girth—<i>i.e.</i>, a reduction +of 7 stone 9 lbs.; and as this can be verified, my opinion is at +least worthy of attention. I consider it absolutely +necessary that one should at first limit one’s self to 2 +pounds solid and 3 pints fluid daily; and I cannot do better than +give the dietary I have pursued for the past five or six months +in the south of France:—</p> +<p><i>At</i> 6 <span class="GutSmall">A.M.</span>—I take +half-a-pint of black coffee and one ounce of coarse <i>brown</i> +bread or biscuit.</p> +<p><a name="page130"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +130</span><i>At</i> 9 <span class="GutSmall">A.M.</span>—I +breakfast off four ounces of lean meat, three ounces of brown +bread or biscuit, and half-a-pint of black coffee.</p> +<p><i>At</i> 2 <span class="GutSmall">P.M.</span>—I have +six ounces lean meat, three ounces brown bread or biscuit, six +ounces green vegetables, and half-a-pint of any fluid except ale, +effervescing wines, or aërated waters.</p> +<p><i>After Dinner</i>—I take half-a-pint of coffee.</p> +<p><i>At</i> 6 <span class="GutSmall">P.M.</span>—I take +half-a-pint of coffee.</p> +<p><i>At Supper</i>—I have two ounces brown bread or +biscuit, and a couple of glasses of sherry or claret.</p> +<p>Independently of this I eat fruit <i>ad lib.</i> I find +as a broad rule that all vegetables that grow above ground, such +as cauliflower, artichokes, sprouts, &c. (except peas and +rice), are conducive to health; whereas all that grow +underground, such as potatoes, carrots, beet-root, &c., are +fat persons’ poison. It is immaterial what meat one +eats, whether fish, flesh—except pork—or fowl, but it +is necessary to avoid the fat. Stout persons will find, as +I did, an inclination to smuggle in a little, but they must flee +from the temptation. A severe trial at first is confining +one’s self to this quantity and quality, whilst others are +indulging to a greater extent at the same table; but the feeling +soon <a name="page131"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +131</span>wears off, and must be looked on as the penalty +attached to Pharaoh’s fat kine. Fat people never +consider that if they were suffering from a cancer they would not +hesitate to submit to amputation—and amputation is not +unattended with pain—to prolong life; and yet they waver +regarding the treatment of corpulency—an equally certain +enemy to life—with a painless remedy! Do they +invariably also, in other paths of life, return good for evil, +and heap coals of fire on an enemy’s head? And yet +here is a hideous, ungainly, deadly foe pampered and fattened at +the cost of life, comfort, and appearance. And then the +ridicule! I ask you, amiable fat reader, is that +agreeable? I would, in fact, make obesity penal, as calling +for special legislation, whereby the police would be justified in +arresting oleaginous pedestrians, clapping them into the scales +at the nearest police-station, and if they exceeded a certain +number of feet in circumference, or weight, at once procure their +summary imprisonment, without the option of a fine. The +streets would thus be cleared of these fleshy obstructions; +besides which, if the law recognises attempted suicide as a crime +in one way, why not in another? The dietary I have <a +name="page132"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 132</span>suggested +is conducive to constipation, a result that brown bread remedies +considerably, if not entirely removes. There are brown +breads and brown breads, however, and after trying a good many, I +have come to the conclusion that the “whole meal +bread” made by Messrs. Hill and Son, of 60, Bishopsgate +Street Within, and 3, Albert Mansions, Victoria Street, is +admirably adapted to the requirements of the corpulent. It +keeps the bowels open, is delicious in flavour, and entirely free +from the alum that finds its way into many other kinds. +Some six months ago I had an interview with a member of this +firm, and explained my views of the advantages that would attend +a biscuit made of the same meal. I have lately tasted some +made by them, that are apparently specially adapted for the +consumption of the corpulent; and as they have agents in every +part of the kingdom, the regular supply is within the reach of +all. I strongly commend these to all my readers. +There is one more item to which I attach great importance, +namely, the taking at bed-time of one teaspoonful of +liquorice-powder (German Pharmacopoeia) in half a tumbler of +water. This quantity may be gradually increased, <a +name="page133"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 133</span>as +circumstances seem to require; and as a good deal depends on the +purity and freshness of this drug, the advisability of going to a +good chemist cannot be too strongly urged. I have often +been told that smoking is injurious to the corpulent, but this I +consider sheer nonsense. I smoke from morning to night, +and, on the contrary, believe it makes up for the larger amount +of food one had previously been in the habit of consuming. +In America, where I spent many happy years, I was never without +“a smoke,” a habit I still continue, though with the +disadvantage of having to substitute British for the fragrant +Oronoko and Perique tobaccos. This latter is, in my +estimation, whether used as cigar, cigarette, or in a pipe, the +finest tobacco in the world. I have discovered, beyond +doubt, that a person afflicted with obesity is affected by the +smallest transgression of the strict <i>regimen</i>. I have +for experiment taken one lump of sugar in my coffee at meals, and +found that this single innovation has produced an increase of a +pound in my weight in a week; indeed, a person disposed to this +affliction is as sensitive as an aneroid. It was in May +last that I first determined to reap at least one benefit from my +late <a name="page134"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +134</span>incarceration, and, by a careful regard to quantity and +quality, to test effects that my position and the time at my +disposal offered great facilities for, and thus reduce corpulency +to a science, and its reduction to a certainty. A reference +to other portions of this narrative will put it beyond a doubt +that the unlimited amount of food at my disposal made this an +easy task. I will not here go into these particulars, as a +detailed account necessary for the unbroken interest in my +narrative will be found elsewhere, but will confine myself to +giving a table of the reduction I made in myself by my own +free-will and determination.</p> +<table> +<tr> +<td><p> </p> +</td> +<td colspan="2"><p style="text-align: center">I weighed</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p style="text-align: center">1881.</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: center">stone</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: center">pounds</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>November 25th</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">19</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">13</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>December 7th</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">19</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">9</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p> ,, 19th</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">18</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">12</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p style="text-align: center">1882.</p> +</td> +<td colspan="2"><p> </p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>January 10th</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">18</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">1</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p> ,, 31st</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">17</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">12</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>March 20th</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">16</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">10</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>May 18th</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">16</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">4</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>June 6th</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">15</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">12</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p> ,, 20th to July 2nd</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">15</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">8</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>July 15th</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">15</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">4</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p> ,, 29th</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">14</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">10</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>September 2nd</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">13</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">2</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p> ,, 9th</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">12</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">10</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p> ,, 23rd</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">12</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">6</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>October 1st</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">12</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">4</p> +</td> +</tr> +</table> +<p>Making a total loss of 107 lbs. (7 stone 9 lbs.) in <a +name="page135"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 135</span>318 +days. This loss was not obtained without great +determination and self denial, but was it not worth it? If +any corpulent reader could see my photograph of November, 1881, +and November, 1882, he would, I think, admit it was, and receive +a stimulus to persevere as I did. A reference to the above +table will show no diminution between June 20th and July +2nd. I attribute this to my having found what I call my +“bearings,” for though continuing in the same course, +I could not get away from 15 stone 8 lbs. I persisted, +however, and eventually succeeded; and the next date shows a +steady decline. I would recommend no experimentalist to +transgress this bound, and when they find that after a +fortnight’s continuance of the strict system they have +obtained no perceptible diminution of weight they should <span +class="GutSmall">STOP</span>; they have found their +“bearings,” and any further perseverance is attended +with unnecessary inconvenience. The time, however, has then +come for most careful watch and guard, and the slightest liberty +is accompanied by a proportionate increase. Yielding to the +kindly meant advice of friends, I some months ago took new milk +and other fattening luxuries, with the result of increasing a +stone <a name="page136"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 136</span>in +six weeks. I had, however, the remedy in my own hands, and +can now play fast and loose with an amusing degree of +certainty. I can, without an effort, reduce or increase my +weight three or four pounds in a week, and having attained the +comfortable weight of 13 stone 10 lbs, I am determined never +again to turn the scale beyond 14 stone. I allow this +margin as the legitimate perquisite of advancing years.</p> +<p>In conclusion, I guarantee reduction with perfect safety to +all who will honestly try the following <i>regimen</i> in its +integrity for three months:—</p> +<p><i>Breakfast</i>—Eight ounces coarse brown bread +(yesterday’s baking); four ounces lean meat; one pint +coffee or other fluid.</p> +<p><i>Dinner</i>.—Four and a-half ounces brown bread; six +ounces any lean meat (or, if preferred as an occasional +substitute, half-pint of soup—ten ounces); six ounces green +vegetables; one pint fluid.</p> +<p><i>Tea</i>.—One and a-half ounces brown bread; half a +pint of coffee.</p> +<p><i>Supper</i>.—One or two glasses of wine, or a glass of +spirit and water (except rum); and two ounces biscuit.</p> +<p><i>Total</i>.—Two pounds solid and three pints +fluid.</p> +<p><a name="page137"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +137</span><i>Bed-time</i>.—One teaspoonful liquorice powder +(German pharmacopoeia) in half a tumbler of water.</p> +<p>I have parcelled the above out into meals to meet the ordinary +taste, though it is quite immaterial how or when the quantity is +taken. It is, moreover, a matter of perfect indifference +whether tea (no sugar or milk), claret, or, in fact, any other +fluid (except ale and aërated or effervescing drinks), is +substituted for coffee.</p> +<p>The principal points on which I differ from the so-called +“Banting” system are:—</p> +<p>(<i>a</i>) The limiting of the quantity till a proper +reduction has taken place.</p> +<p>(<i>b</i>) The occasional substituting (if desired) of soup +for meat, which I have found attended with no inconvenience.</p> +<p>(<i>c</i>) The substitution of brown bread or brown biscuit +for toast or rusk—thereby obviating constipation.</p> +<p>(<i>d</i>) The taking of liquorice powder at bed-time in lieu +of the alkaline on rising.</p> +<p>To the uninitiated the above may appear trifles; their +advantage can only be estimated by those who have tried both +systems.</p> +<h2><a name="page138"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +138</span>CHAPTER XIV.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">COLDBATH FIELDS.</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">As</span> the key turned in the ponderous +door, and I found myself, with sixteen others, standing on a huge +mat in a dismal corridor, I realised that I had arrived +“home,” or at what I might consider as such, +for—as I imagined—the next eighteen months. I +had already passed one week in Newgate, and really thought, in +the sanguineness of my heart, that I had made a considerable hole +in my sentence, and that the remaining seventy-seven weeks would +soon slip by. My first intimation that the place was +inhabited, except by mutes, was hearing a metallic voice saying, +<i>pro bono publico</i>, “You’ll find that talking is +not permitted here—you mustn’t talk.” By +peering into the gloom I discovered that the voice belonged to a +bald head, and the bald head to a venerable head warder. +The poor old man was <a name="page139"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 139</span>super-annuated shortly after, and +evidently meant to show the recruits he was not to be trifled +with, and that there was life in the old dog yet. We were +next taken through endless corridors to the “Reception +Room.” Can any name be more suggestive of satire, +except perhaps “Mount Pleasant,” the hill so called +on which the prison stands, bounded at each corner by a +public-house, and a “pop-shop” here and there +sandwiched in between! The reception we received in the +Reception Room was far from a cordial one; it was, indeed, as +cold as the weather outside. The Reception Room is octagon +shape, with benches arranged over the entire floor; on these we +were directed to sit down, about a yard apart. In front was +a large desk and a high stool, on which a turnkey was perched, +whose sole duty was to prevent the least intercourse between the +prisoners; in fact, the entire room and its fittings conveyed the +impression of being connected with a charity school for +mutes. The Reception Room is the first and last place a +prisoner passes through; it is here that, on his arrival, he is +transformed into the Queen’s livery, and again on his +departure reverts to citizen’s clothing—it is, in +fact, the filter through <a name="page140"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 140</span>which the dregs of London have to +pass before becoming sufficiently purified to be again permitted +to mingle with the pure stream outside. The silence of the +grave is its normal condition, where the novice receives a +foretaste of the “silent system.”</p> +<p style="text-align: center"> +<a href="images/p141b.jpg"> +<img alt= +"The Effects of a Warm Bath at “Coldbath.”" +title= +"The Effects of a Warm Bath at “Coldbath.”" +src="images/p141s.jpg" /> +</a></p> +<p>We must have sat thus silently for at least an hour, when a +door from outside was unlocked, and a warder, accompanied by two +prisoners carrying sacks, made their appearance. The +contents of these, being thrown on the floor, were discovered to +be boots, not new ones, or even pairs, but very old and dirty, +mended and patched with lumps of leather on the soles, on the +heels, and, in fact, anywhere. We were now invited to +“fit” ourselves, and a scramble ensued amongst a +section of the prisoners. I selected a nondescript pair, +tied by a cord, as unsuited a couple as ever were united, the +right foot of which would have fitted an elephant, and the left +have been tight for a cork leg. With this unsavoury +acquisition on my lap I resumed my seat. It is the custom, +as I before hinted, to show one the worst of everything at first, +and the rule that applied to the cells was clearly in force +regarding the boots. I found, however, that after the +general “fit,” and when a <a name="page141"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 141</span>comparative lull ensued, that some +of the more fortunate ones had better ones supplied, and I +shortly after received a new pair in exchange for my +“fit.” The next thing that made its appearance +was a basket full of caps and stocks. Here I was less +fortunate, and the size of my head precluded the possibility of a +fit. The basket was followed by a bundle of wooden labels, +on each of which our various names were inscribed; with these in +our hands, we were told to “Come along.” My +label considerably puzzled me. We now found ourselves in +the corridor devoted to baths, where each man received a bundle +of clothing. The object of the label now manifested itself; +it was to attach to our clothes—not likely to be wanted for +some time. The bundles consisted of a pair of blue worsted +socks, a blue striped shirt, a blue pocket-handkerchief the +thickness of a tile, a towel as coarse as a nutmeg-grater, and a +suit of clothes. The clothes, when new, are really very +good, and by no means objectionable. There is nothing of +that conspicuous, degrading appearance about them that +distinguishes the convict dress. On the contrary, the +trousers and vest are well cut, and made of good warm mole-skin; +the <a name="page142"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +142</span>jacket is a capital material, and were it not for +painful associations, and the possibility of unpleasant +attentions from zealous policemen, I would gladly have a suit of +the jacket material. The otherwise agreeable effect is +somewhat marred by the broad-arrow Government mark, which appears +to be applied regardless of all symmetry and indeed of all +expense. No general rule apparently exists as to the +marking of this cloth, which one must conclude is left entirely +to the discretion and good taste of the individual armed with the +paint-pot. This want of uniformity thus lends an agreeable +variety to the different appearances of individuals; for my part, +I always felt that I resembled the “Seven of +Spades.” The Baths are, as I found them at Newgate, +in themselves excellent, and if one could forget one’s +probable predecessor, the enjoyment would be considerably +enhanced. They were, I daresay, perfectly clean, though I +always fancied I detected a Seven-Dials mouse-trap flavour in the +atmosphere, and in the water. The bath, as an institution, +admirably fulfils its twofold function; it insures a thorough +wash, and removes the last trace of one’s former +self. Entering the apartment with the bundle <a +name="page143"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 143</span>under my +arm, I proceeded to divest myself of my clothing. I had +not, however, been many seconds submerged before an eye was +applied to the peephole, followed by the entrance of a turnkey, +and all my clothing was carefully removed. The process of +re-dressing was not an easy one; nothing came within a foot of my +size except the socks; the overalls declined to do anything like +meeting, and a piece of twine was pressed into the service. +The waistcoat was another trial, necessitating the turnkey +calling for the “corpulent waistcoat.” Trussed +up in this fashion, I patiently awaited the +“corpulent” waistcoat, a marvel of tailoring. +The chest measurement could not have exceeded thirty-six; whilst +the waist (?) must have been one hundred. From the +“corpulent” one only reaching half-way down my chest, +I concluded that its original owner must have been about +five-foot-nothing. But the warder very good-naturedly said +“he’d make it all right,” and not long after I +was measured, and within twenty-four hours possessed a brand-new +suit. My enormous size also necessitated special shirts; a +couple were made in an incredibly short space of time, and all +through my career I experienced the benefit of wearing linen <a +name="page144"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 144</span>that had +never been contaminated by contact with “baser +metal.” The warder to whom I was indebted for these +delicate attentions was one of the best in the prison, and though +I never came much in contact with him, I understood he was a +great favourite. He was connected with the stores, and +could get more done in an hour than one of the blustering kind in +a week. Before leaving the baths, I would wish to draw +attention to a custom that calls for immediate alteration. +The system at present in vogue is for all prisoners to have a +bath immediately on arrival, <i>after</i> which they undergo +medical examination. At these examinations, as is well +known, many creatures are found, not only to be alive with +vermin, but suffering from itch. With these facts, that are +not to be gainsaid, common sense surely suggests a medical +examination <i>before</i> instead of <i>after</i> the bath, an +arrangement which, however disagreeable to the surgeons, would be +a considerable benefit to the prison inmates generally. It +is a common occurrence for men who have been in prison three, and +even six months, to be found to be suffering from itch, and it is +equally certain that they caught it in these baths, which are +<i>pro bono publico</i> once <a name="page145"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 145</span>a fortnight. I thank God I was +spared any of these “plagues,” though I never took my +periodical dip without finding my thoughts wandering to Scotland +and the Argyll (not Bignell’s).</p> +<p>Having joined my companions we were reconducted to the +reception-room, which by this time was crowded by contributions +from the various Police-courts. My Newgate friend Mike was +now thoroughly in his element; he appeared to take a pride in +showing his intimacy with the etiquette of the place, and seemed +quite hurt if a warder didn’t recognize him as an old +acquaintance. As I looked down the benches now fully +occupied, I fancied I could have distinguished every new comer +from the <i>habitué</i> by the way they wore their +caps. The new hands put them on in such a manner that they +resembled a quartern loaf, whilst the more experienced—such +as Mike—cocked them with a jaunty air as if proud of the +effect. At a later period I observed that a great deal of +vanity existed on the subject of toilet amongst the regular +jail-birds: they plastered down their hair—as I +know—with the greasy skimmings of their soup, or +applications of suet pudding; and many—incredible as it may +<a name="page146"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +146</span>appear—shaved regularly with their tin knives and +the back of a plate for a mirror. Hair-cutting now +commenced, and anyone whose hair was too long was effectually +operated on. It is a mistake to suppose that +prisoners’ hair is cut in the barbarous manner that is +applied to convicts; nothing is done to them beyond what a +soldier has to submit to—namely, having his hair and beard +of moderate length. As I have all through life kept what I +have as close as possible, the hair-cutting in my case was +dispensed with, and through the subsequent few months I had +always to ask for the services of the barber, and invariably +received the same reply—“Surely, yours is short +enough!” There was one item in the crop I was never +subjected to—probably because my moustache was +small—but which I certainly should not have liked; it was +the habit of clipping the ends square to the lip. +I’ve often seen men in London and elsewhere with this +distinctive crop, which I should now invariably associate with +prison life; and if I met a Bishop who affected this style it +would be difficult to convince me that I had not met him +“elsewhere.” The next person that intruded +himself <a name="page147"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +147</span>was—as I was informed—a chaplain. His +attire was far from clerical, and consisted of a billycock +hat—not a good, honest, disreputable one, but one of your +shabby-genteels, so infinitely more fatal—a coat that +suggested Crosse and Blackwell’s cut, and boots +suspiciously resembling the prison make. He interrogated me +in my turn, though I fear his curiosity was far from +satisfied. His mania was the ceremony of +“confirmation,” and when he discovered I had omitted +that essential form, I at once passed into his black books. +Happily, I was perfectly indifferent to his displeasure or his +patronage—indeed the latter would have been the most +unbearable. He never forgave me, however, as a +discreditable tiff we had long after conclusively proved. +As I got to see more of this shining light I began to suspect +that he must have been a Jesuit, he did so much to make +Protestantism obnoxious.</p> +<p>I was next passed on to a schoolmaster—a gradual +improvement in accordance with the system is here +apparent—who amused me by inquiring if I could read, how I +spelt “oxen,” if I could write, and if I thought I +could “write a letter?” This latter question +was very conclusively <a name="page148"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 148</span>set at rest a week later by an +incident that occurred in which I was the chief culprit, and +which necessitated the collective wisdom of the Home Office and a +full bench of the Visiting Justices to adjudicate upon. +Meanwhile, I had “passed” this scorching examination, +and had to sit quietly by and listen to illiterate costermongers +and rascally pickpockets being severally questioned. It had +its amusing features, although I felt how degrading it was for a +public school-boy and a gentleman by birth and education to be +compelled under any combination of circumstances to submit to be +catechized by such a trio. The next person to appear was +the doctor—the dearest, kindest old gentleman I ever +met. His manner to all was alike considerate and kind; one, +moreover, who seemed to be aware that the position of a gentleman +(unless usurped by a cad) loses nothing of its dignity by a +courteous bearing towards inferiors or men placed in a painful +position—a manner that inspired respect and yet precluded +the possibility of a liberty, a refreshing contrast to a +nondescript that had preceded him, and the beau idéal of a +fine old English gentleman. Stripped to the waist and <a +name="page149"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 149</span>behind a +screen, we were one by one subjected to a minute +examination. A schemer had a very sorry look-out with this +eminent physician; no dodge could possibly avail, for he was +intimate with every “ailment” that criminal flesh is +heir to. It was amusing, after hearing some rascal relate +the numerous complaints from which he was suffering, to hear the +surgeon quietly say with a smile, “Oh, you’ll soon be +all right,” and to see the hospital warder write down, +“Fit, hard labour.” This short and apparently +informal ceremony is the most momentous in one’s future +career, and though unaware of it at the time, I was not surprised +later on at the importance attached to it by the experienced +criminal. By it one’s future treatment is entirely +guided, and the class of labour is carefully selected in +accordance with its decision. A card, then and there signed +by the surgeon, and which is always fixed on one’s cell +door, decides one’s future vocation; and “Hard +labour,” or “Light labour and bed,” bear a +significance incredible to the uninitiated. As I stood +before the kind old man stripped to the waist (or rather to where +my waist now is) I was amused by his astonishment at my enormous +proportions. I satisfied him I was not <a +name="page150"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 150</span>deceiving +him by a reference to an operation I had once undergone; and +this, coupled with my unnatural size, decided him I was incapable +of hard labour, and the words, “Light labour and +bed,” were recorded on my card. Before many hours had +passed I realized the benefit of those magic words. These +preliminaries, as is always the case in well-constructed dramas +or farces, only led up to the event of the day—the +inspection by the Governor. In Her Majesty’s prisons +these individuals are clothed in attributes something more than +mortal, and receive an amount of homage sufficient to turn the +head of a fool or a snob. In this instance the Governor was +neither, and though a strict disciplinarian, was the justest and +“straightest” man I ever met. Prisoners and +warders were equally amenable to his discipline, and the +slightest dereliction of duty brought him down on you like a load +of bricks. There was no abuse or verbosity accompanying +this discipline, and though he was feared, I believe he was +equally liked and respected by every man in the prison. The +advent of such a personage naturally involved a proportionate +amount of preparation, and everything received an overhaul. +Men who wore Her <a name="page151"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +151</span>Majesty’s livery for the first time, and were +mere babes in the mysteries of its graceful adjustment, were told +to put their stocks “square on,” or button this +button and not that of their vests and jackets; lumps of coal +that had burned crooked were carefully straightened, and even the +coal-box got a lick of whitewash at the last moment. We +were then rehearsed in a sort of drill: every man was informed +that when “attention” was called he was at once to +“spring” up smartly and remain standing—an old +vagrant, aged 100 to judge by his appearance, +“sprang” with so much zeal that I really thought he +had cricked his neck. When all the preparations were +considered complete, and we had attained an efficiency worthy the +reputation of the “North Corks,” and as some minutes +had yet to elapse before the great man’s arrival, it was +deemed advisable to fix our thoughts in the same reverential +groove by reading certain rules for our future guidance. +The following notice is one of the half-dozen that hang up in +every cell—all of which I shall produce hereafter. +They can hardly be considered as light reading, or such as one +would select unless absolutely compelled; nevertheless, they +afforded me a certain amount of occupation by <a +name="page152"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 152</span>learning +them by heart during the many solitary hours I spent +hereafter:—</p> +<h3>ABSTRACT OF THE REGULATIONS</h3> +<blockquote><p style="text-align: center"><span +class="GutSmall">RELATING TO THE</span></p> +<p style="text-align: center">TREATMENT AND CONDUCT OF +CONVICTED<br /> +CRIMINAL PRISONERS.</p> +<p>1. Prisoners shall not disobey the orders of the +Governor or of any officer of the prison, nor treat them with +disrespect.</p> +<p>2. They shall preserve silence, and are not to cause annoyance +or disturbance by making unnecessary noise.</p> +<p>3. They shall not communicate or attempt to do so with one +another, or with any strangers or others who may visit the +prison.</p> +<p>4. They shall not disfigure any part of their cells or damage +any property, or deface, erase, destroy, or pull down any rules +or other papers hung up therein, or commit any nuisance, or have +in their cells or possession any article not sanctioned by the +orders and regulations.</p> +<p>5. They shall not be idle, nor feign sickness to evade their +work.</p> +<p><a name="page153"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +153</span>6. They shall not be guilty of profane language, +of indecent or irreverent conduct, nor shall they use threats +towards or commit assaults upon officers or one another.</p> +<p>7. They shall obey such regulations as regards washing, +bathing, hair-cutting, and shaving as may from time to time be +established, with a view to the proper maintenance of health and +cleanliness.</p> +<p>8. They shall keep their cells, utensils, clothing, and +bedding clean and neatly arranged, and shall when required clean +and sweep the yards, passages, and other parts of the prison.</p> +<p>9. If any prisoner has any complaint to make regarding +the diet, it must be made immediately after a meal is served and +before any portion of it is eaten. Frivolous and groundless +complaints, repeatedly made, will be dealt with as a breach of +prison discipline.</p> +<p>10. A prisoner may, if required for the purposes of +justice, be photographed.</p> +<p>11. Prisoners shall attend divine service on Sundays, +and on other days when such service is performed, unless they +receive permission to be absent. No prisoner shall be +compelled to attend <a name="page154"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 154</span>the religious service of a church to +which he does not belong.</p> +<p>12. The following offences committed by male prisoners +convicted of felony or sentenced to hard labour will render them +liable to corporal punishment:—</p> +<p>1st. Mutiny or open incitement to mutiny in the prison, +personal violence to any officer of the prison, aggravated or +repeated assaults on a fellow-prisoner, repetition of insulting +or threatening language to any officer or prisoner.</p> +<p>2nd. Wilfully and maliciously breaking the prison +windows, or otherwise destroying the prison property.</p> +<p>3rd. When under punishment, wilfully making a +disturbance tending to interrupt the order and discipline of the +prison, and any other act of gross misconduct or insubordination +requiring to be suppressed by extraordinary means.</p> +<p>13. A prisoner committing a breach of any of the +regulations is liable to be sentenced to confinement in a +punishment cell, and such dietary and other punishments as the +rules allow.</p> +<p><a name="page155"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +155</span>14. Any gratuity granted to a prisoner may be +paid to him through a Prisoners’ Aid Society, or in such +way as the Commissioners may direct.</p> +<p>15. Prisoners may, if they desire it, have an interview +with the Governor or superior authority to make complaints or +prefer requests; and the Governor shall redress any grievance or +take such steps as may seem necessary.</p> +<p>16. Any prisoner wishing to see a member of the Visiting +Committee shall be allowed to do so on the occasion of his next +occurring visit to the prison.</p> +</blockquote> + +<div class="gapshortline"> </div> +<blockquote><p><i>Printed at H.M. Convict Prison</i>, +<i>Millbank</i>.</p> +</blockquote> + +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<p>A slamming of doors and turning of keys, and a perfect Babel +of voices shouting “Attention!” heralded the +Governor’s approach. I can only compare the discord +to that which invariably accompanies the progress of an African +tribe through a friendly village. A few pop-guns and a +tom-tom or two would certainly make the resemblance more +complete, though they would probably be objected to by the Home +Office on the plea of want of precedent.</p> +<p>The halo of veneration that surrounds a prison <a +name="page156"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 156</span>governor is +by no means confined to himself, but obliquely and in a modified +form imparts itself to the humblest of his followers. A +miserable door-slammer that usually accompanied him, and combined +with this important duty the occasional distribution of letters, +amused me on one occasion when I ventured to ask him if he had a +letter for me. Such a liberty “from the likes of me +to the likes of him” was hardly to be tolerated; and he had +the cheek to send me a message that “he objected to be +spoken to when accompanying the Governor.”</p> +<p>The door at length opened, and the great man was in the +room. “Attention!” was shrieked out as only +sycophants can do, and duly responded to; and the halt and the +maim, “Old Hundred,” myself, burglars, and +pickpockets, presented one uninterrupted, swerving, rickety +line. As a spectacle, it must have been truly imposing, +during which the Governor sat down. Our names were then +respectively called out, and we crossed from one bench to another +to show, as it were, our action. Not a muscle of the +inspecting officer’s face moved during these scenes in the +arena; and it might have been the Sphinx inspecting the <a +name="page157"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 157</span>army of +Pharaoh, so little attention did he apparently pay to us. +Nothing, however, had escaped him; and I learnt to believe there +was some truth in the assertion that he had eyes in his boots, if +not in his pockets also.</p> +<p>As may be supposed, these various inspections took a +considerable time, and the day was drawing in before they were +all ended. We were thereupon informed that we should occupy +temporary cells for “this night only,” and that our +final allotment to various parts of the prison would be postponed +till the morrow. The cell I now found myself in was indeed +a small one—evidently only used as a half-way house, and +fitted as sparingly as the thermometer one at Newgate. A +notice posted up warned us not to go to bed till the bell rang at +eight; and not wishing to break a rule before I had been in the +place a day, I foolishly complied with the order.</p> +<p>Meanwhile it was getting dark, and though a gaspipe was fitted +into the wall, there was not the slightest indication of its +being likely to be lit. Mike, who had frequently been here +before, intimated his intention of turning in, and, “order +be blowed!” strongly advised us to do the same. I <a +name="page158"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 158</span>only regret +I was weak enough not to. The gloom gradually increased +till we were left in outer darkness. To find the +bed-clothing would now have been a difficulty; to make any +resemblance to a bed an absolute impossibility. Still, on +the strength of the notice, I waited through many dark and cold +hours, until a brute with a human voice shouted out from +somewhere, “You chaps will get no light to-night, so you +can turn in when you please.” I was informed +afterwards this was a favourite and utterly unauthorized +assumption of authority on the part of this bully, and I trust it +has only to be noticed to preclude the possibility of its +continuance. It was a barbarous and cowardly act, and +strictly opposed to the usual system of the prison. How I +got through that cold night I cannot tell, for bed, bedding and +light were all strangers to me; but night, more merciful than +man, threw its mantle over me, and I slept as sound as only the +weary can.</p> +<h2><a name="page159"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +159</span>CHAPTER XV.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">“OAKUM” LET US +SING.</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">Next</span> morning after breakfast we +were drafted to our various localities, and, incredible as it may +appear, and to show how efficient is the isolation system, men +with whom I parted company that morning I never saw again, though +I knew they were in the same building. Our various +destinations were indicated in a somewhat primitive style—a +huge chalk-mark on our backs. As I threaded my way through +various wards with a C scrawled on my back, a smell of tar +indicated our approach to what might under altered circumstances +have been presumed to be a ship-chandler’s; it was, +however, only the oakum district. We were here received by +the warder in command, and I was assigned to the fifth +storey. I was further presented with my official +number—594, on a brass plate.</p> +<p><a name="page160"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 160</span>I now +discovered the benefit of “light labour and +bed.” This particular ward, together with the two in +its immediate vicinity, is principally devoted to fresh arrivals; +bed is the exception and oakum is the rule. It is +absolutely impossible for any accident to exempt you from +commencing your career for one month in these wards; it rests, +however, with yourself whether you pick oakum or find a +substitute. I decided on the latter course. The +system of prison life is such a contemptible one, and the +espionage, jealousy, currying favour, and tale-bearing so general +between the officials from the highest to the lowest, that this +portion of my task is a very delicate one. Whatever I write +will be carefully sifted; and if I give the slightest clue +capable of being followed up, I should probably injure some +warder, assistant warder, or prisoner who did me incalculable +services at great personal risk; and as this is the last thing I +have the smallest intention of doing, I wish to state, once for +all, that all names and dates I give are intentionally altered, +and that any official who ever befriended me has nothing to fear +from my revelations.</p> +<p style="text-align: center"> +<a href="images/p161b.jpg"> +<img alt= +"A Cell. 8 A.M." +title= +"A Cell. 8 A.M." +src="images/p161s.jpg" /> +</a></p> +<p>As I ascended the spiral staircase a shout of <a +name="page161"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +161</span>“Coming up!” intimated to the attics that a +fresh victim was approaching, and I was formally received and +conducted to my cell. The first impression of my permanent +address was not encouraging. On a shelf was a Bible and +prayer-book, a tin plate, a tin mug, and a tin knife, a wooden +spoon, a box of salt, and a piece of soap, producing a +combination such as may be seen in any of the illustrated papers +during a small war, and supposed to illustrate, as circumstances +require, the utensils in daily use amongst Zulus, Ashantis or +whatever savages we may happen to be slaughtering at the +time. In another corner was a diminutive basin the size of +a saucepan, a slop-pail, and a can of water. On a shelf was +a rug and two blankets; bed or bedstead was conspicuous by its +absence; and on the table was a lump of rope. My turnkey, +having examined my card, ordered in a bed and bedstead, and +explained that the rope was to be converted into oakum. A +few words and we understood one another; in short, he was a man +after my own heart. I have no scruple in mentioning this, +for I regret to say the man was dismissed shortly +after—through no fault of mine, though indirectly connected +with me. I <a name="page162"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +162</span>can never forgive myself when I reflect that I had any +share in the transaction, though it is a consolation to know +that, had he been as careful as he ought, nothing could have +brought the offence home to him. In the first instance, he +was the victim of as foul a piece of treachery as ever disgraced +humanity, and then he lost his head, and compromised himself when +absolute silence would have cleared him. I shall narrate +the particulars later on. In addition to the above-named +furniture, the walls were decorated with a number of printed +notices describing your duties, diet, &c., and a prayer (!); +a wooden—so much a dozen—effort, supposed to be +specially adapted to the requirements of “awakening +burglars.” I learnt all these by heart by way of +amusement, and will give them for the benefit of the +reader. I take especial pleasure in reproducing them, as I +believe they’ve never seen daylight before.</p> + +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<h3>SYSTEM OF PROGRESSIVE STAGES FOR MALE<br /> +PRISONERS SENTENCED TO HARD LABOUR.</h3> +<blockquote><p>1. A prisoner shall be able to earn on each +weekday 8, 7, or 6 marks, according to the degree <a +name="page163"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 163</span>of his +industry; and on Sunday he shall be awarded marks according to +the degree of his industry during the previous week.</p> +<p>2. There shall be four stages, and every prisoner shall +pass through them or through so much of them as the term of his +imprisonment admits.</p> +<p>3. He shall commence in the first stage, and shall +remain in the first stage until he has earned 28 × 8, or +224 marks; in the second stage until he has earned 224 more +marks, or 448 in the whole; in the third stage until he has +earned 224 more marks, or 672 in the whole; in the fourth stage +during the remainder of his sentence.</p> +<p>4. A prisoner whose term of imprisonment is twenty-eight +days or less shall serve the whole of his term in the first +stage.</p> +<p>5. A prisoner who is idle, or who misconducts himself, +or is inattentive to instruction, shall be liable</p> +<p>(1) To forfeit gratuity earned or to be earned, or</p> +<p>(2) To forfeit any other stage privileges.</p> +<p>(3) To detention in the stage in which he is until he shall +have earned in that stage an additional number of marks.</p> +<p><a name="page164"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 164</span>(4) +To degradation to any lower stage (whether such stage is next +below the one in which he is or otherwise) until he has earned in +such lower stage a stated number of marks.</p> +<p>As soon as the prisoner has earned the stated number, then, +unless he has in the meantime incurred further punishment, he +shall be restored to the stage from which he was degraded, and be +credited with the number of marks he had previously earned +therein.</p> +<p>6. None of the foregoing punishments shall exempt a +prisoner from any other punishment to which he would be liable +for conduct constituting a breach of prison regulations.</p> +<p>7. A prisoner in the first stage will</p> +<p>(<i>a</i>) Be employed ten hours daily in strict separation on +first class hard labour, of which six to eight hours will be on +crank, tread-wheel, or work of a similar nature.</p> +<p>(<i>b</i>) Sleep on a plank-bed without a mattress.</p> +<p>(<i>c</i>) Earn no gratuity.</p> +<p>8. A prisoner in the second stage will</p> +<p>(<i>a</i>) Be employed as in the first stage until he <a +name="page165"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 165</span>has +completed one month of imprisonment, and afterwards on hard +labour of the second class.</p> +<p>(<i>b</i>) Sleep on a plank-bed without a mattress two nights +weekly and have a mattress on the other nights.</p> +<p>(<i>c</i>) Receive school instruction.</p> +<p>(<i>d</i>) Have school books in his cell.</p> +<p>(<i>e</i>) Have exercise on Sunday.</p> +<p>(<i>f</i>) Be able to earn a gratuity not exceeding 1s.</p> +<p>(<i>g</i>) The gratuity to a prisoner in this stage, whose +sentence is not long enough for him to earn 224 marks in it, may +be calculated at 1d. for every 20 marks earned.</p> +<p>9. A prisoner in the third stage will—</p> +<p>(<i>a</i>) Be employed on second class hard labour.</p> +<p>(<i>b</i>) Sleep on a plank-bed without a mattress one night +weekly, and have a mattress on other nights.</p> +<p>(<i>c</i>) Receive school instruction.</p> +<p>(<i>d</i>) Have school books in his cell.</p> +<p>(<i>e</i>) Have library books in his cell.</p> +<p>(<i>f</i>) Have exercise on Sunday.</p> +<p><a name="page166"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +166</span>(<i>g</i>) Be able to earn a gratuity not exceeding 1s. +6d.</p> +<p>(<i>h</i>) The gratuity to a prisoner in this stage, whose +sentence is not long enough for him to earn 224 marks in it, may +be calculated at 1d. for every 12 marks earned.</p> +<p>10. A prisoner in the fourth stage will—</p> +<p>(<i>a</i>) Be eligible for employment of trust in the service +of the prison.</p> +<p>(<i>b</i>) Sleep on a Mattress every night.</p> +<p>(<i>c</i>) Receive school instruction.</p> +<p>(<i>d</i>) Have school books in his cell.</p> +<p>(<i>e</i>) Have library books in his cell.</p> +<p>(<i>f</i>) Have exercise on Sunday.</p> +<p>(<i>g</i>) Be allowed to receive and write a letter and +receive a visit of twenty minutes; and in every three months +afterwards to receive and write a letter, and receive a visit of +half-an-hour.</p> +<p>(<i>h</i>) Be able to earn a gratuity not exceeding 2s.</p> +<p>(<i>i</i>) The gratuity to a prisoner in this stage, whose +sentence is not long enough for him to earn 224 marks in it, may +be calculated at 1d. for every 10 marks earned.</p> +<p><a name="page167"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +167</span>(<i>j</i>) The gratuity to a prisoner in this stage, +whose sentence is long enough to enable him to earn more than 896 +marks, may be calculated at the same rate, provided that it shall +not in any case exceed 10s.</p> + +<div class="gapshortline"> </div> +<p><i>Printed at H.M. Convict Prison</i>, <i>Millbank</i>.</p> +</blockquote> + +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<p>The composition of this abstract, alternating as it does +between threats of punishment and hopes of “employments of +trust,” clearly stamps it as intended to appeal to the +feelings and adapt itself to the capacities of the lowest +classes. That any man of education could be roused to any +degree of ambition by such “trust” as would be likely +to be placed in him, is to suppose an impossible absurdity. +The “system” throttles any such contingency, and +leads—as all short-sighted policies do—to men +believing in no such thing as good faith, and having no inward +restraining motive for abstaining from deception. Why will +not the Chief Commissioner of Prisons see that the brute power at +their disposal is wholly inadequate to prevent a man with a +modicum of brains and a few sovereigns from doing as he +pleases? Let them try the “confidence trick” in +a modified form <a name="page168"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +168</span>with the better class of prisoners, and if it is found +to fail, revert to the hard and fast rule. A discretionary +power in the hands of such a man as the Governor of Coldbath +Fields would thoroughly test the experiment.</p> +<p>What trash “employment of trust” sounds to a man +who knows that from first to last—however exemplary his +behaviour—he is suspected, and never supposed to be lost +sight of!</p> +<p>Personally, I felt I’d as lief be in the punishment +cells as in any “employment of trust”; they are both +birds of the same feather, recognizing no code but brute force, +distrust, and degrees of punishment. I can only compare the +prison system to a huge machine, capable of crushing a man body +and soul, or handling him so lightly that nothing but the +“idea” and its moral obligations remain to remind him +of its hideous proximity. If any further proof is required +of the truth of my deductions, my personal experience will amply +provide it.</p> +<h3>SHORT PRAYERS FOR MORNING AND EVENING.</h3> +<h4><i>Morning</i>.</h4> +<blockquote><p>O <span class="smcap">God</span> and Holy Father, +Thou hast in mercy watched over me through the night; in Thy +tender <a name="page169"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +169</span>love keep me this day from evil. I have greatly +sinned against Thee. Do Thou turn me from all my evil ways; +wash me in the blood of Jesus, and let Thy Spirit lead me that I +may hate sin and love what is right. Let Thy grace preserve +me amidst all trials, that I may be made truly a servant of Jesus +Christ and ever love and serve my God and Saviour. +Amen.</p> +</blockquote> +<h4><i>Evening</i>.</h4> +<blockquote><p>O <span class="smcap">God</span>, Thou hast safely +brought me to the close of another day. May Thy goodness +lead me to repentance that I may give Thee my heart. +Forgive all my evil thoughts, and words, and deeds. What +good thoughts I have had from Thee do Thou strengthen, that I may +love Thee more and serve Thee better. Keep me, O God, and +all whom I love, from danger or sin this night, and so preserve +us by Thy grace that at last we may sleep in Jesus and be for +ever with the Lord. Amen.</p> +</blockquote> +<p>This hypocritical effusion hangs over one’s table, and +is supposed to be admirably adapted for “awakening” +burglars, and turning pickpockets from the error of their +ways. As a literary <a name="page170"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 170</span>composition it is beneath criticism, +and would disgrace a “National School” boy in a +proclaimed district. I don’t know who is the inspired +author, nor how they are sold by the dozen.</p> +<h3>NOTICE.</h3> +<blockquote><p>“Prisoners who desire assistance from the +agent of the Discharged Prisoners’ Relief Committee, in +finding employment on discharge, should apply to the Governor +fourteen days before they go out, when their cases will be +investigated. Wilfully false statements as to antecedents, +&c., will disqualify a prisoner from assistance, as will also +misconduct in prison.”</p> +</blockquote> +<p>There is no institution I heard so much abused as the above, +and although I cannot speak from personal knowledge, I should say +that a thorough enquiry into its working (not its profession) +might possibly be attended with benefit. Beyond seeing a +fly-blown old man waddling about the prison, who, I was informed, +was the agent, I know nothing, and care less, about this +doubtless admirable institution.</p> + +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<h3><a name="page171"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +171</span>DIETARY FOR CONVICTED PRISONERS.</h3> +<table> +<tr> +<td colspan="3"><p style="text-align: center">No. 1.</p> +<p style="text-align: center"><span class="smcap">Men</span>, +<span class="smcap">Women</span>, <span class="smcap">and Boys +under Sixteen Years of Age</span>, <span class="smcap">with and +without Hard Labour</span>.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Breakfast</p> +</td> +<td><p>Daily</p> +</td> +<td><p>8 ounces bread.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Dinner</p> +</td> +<td><p>Daily</p> +</td> +<td><p>1½ pint <i>stirabout</i> (containing 3 ounces +Indian meal and 3 ounces oatmeal).</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Supper</p> +</td> +<td><p>Daily</p> +</td> +<td><p>8 ounces bread.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="3"><p style="text-align: center">No. 2.</p> +<p style="text-align: center"><span class="smcap">Men with hard +Labour</span>.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Breakfast</p> +</td> +<td><p>Daily</p> +</td> +<td><p>6 ounces bread, 1 pint gruel.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Dinner</p> +</td> +<td><p>Sunday and Wednesday</p> +</td> +<td><p>6 ounces bread, 8 ounces suet pudding.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p> </p> +</td> +<td><p>Monday and Friday</p> +</td> +<td><p>6 ounces bread, 8 ounces potatoes.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p> </p> +</td> +<td><p>Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday</p> +</td> +<td><p>6 ounces bread, ½ pint soup.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Supper</p> +</td> +<td><p>Daily</p> +</td> +<td><p>6 ounces bread, 1 pint gruel.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="3"><p style="text-align: center"><span +class="smcap">Men without Hard Labour</span>, <span +class="smcap">Women</span>, <span class="smcap">and Boys Under +Sixteen Years of Age</span>.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Breakfast</p> +</td> +<td><p>Daily</p> +</td> +<td><p>5 ounces bread, 1 pint gruel.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Dinner</p> +</td> +<td><p>Sunday and Wednesday</p> +</td> +<td><p>5 ounces bread, 6 ounces suet pudding.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p> </p> +</td> +<td><p>Monday and Friday</p> +</td> +<td><p>5 ounces bread, 8 ounces potatoes.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p> </p> +</td> +<td><p>Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday</p> +</td> +<td><p>5 ounces bread, ½ pint soup.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Supper</p> +</td> +<td><p>Daily</p> +</td> +<td><p>5 ounces bread, 1 pint gruel.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="3"><p style="text-align: center"><a +name="page172"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 172</span>No. 3.</p> +<p style="text-align: center"><span class="smcap">Men with Hard +Labour</span>.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Breakfast</p> +</td> +<td><p>Daily</p> +</td> +<td><p>8 ounces bread, 1 pint gruel.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Dinner</p> +</td> +<td><p>Sunday and Wednesday</p> +</td> +<td><p>4 ounces bread, 8 ounces potatoes, 8 ounces suet +pudding.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p> </p> +</td> +<td><p>Monday and Friday</p> +</td> +<td><p>8 ounces bread, 8 ounces potatoes, 3 ounces cooked beef +(without bone).</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p> </p> +</td> +<td><p>Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday</p> +</td> +<td><p>8 ounces bread, 8 ounces potatoes, ¾ pint soup.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Supper</p> +</td> +<td><p>Daily</p> +</td> +<td><p>6 ounces bread, 1 pint gruel.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="3"><p style="text-align: center"><span +class="smcap">Men without Hard Labour</span>, <span +class="smcap">Women</span>, <span class="smcap">and Boys under +Sixteen Years of Age</span>.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Breakfast</p> +</td> +<td><p>Daily</p> +</td> +<td><p>6 ounces bread, 1 pint gruel.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Dinner</p> +</td> +<td><p>Sunday and Wednesday</p> +</td> +<td><p>4 ounces bread, 6 ounces potatoes, 6 ounces suet +pudding.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p> </p> +</td> +<td><p>Monday and Friday</p> +</td> +<td><p>6 ounces bread, 8 ounces potatoes, 3 ounces cooked beef +(without bone).</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p> </p> +</td> +<td><p>Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday</p> +</td> +<td><p>6 ounces bread, 6 ounces potatoes, ¾ pint soup.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Supper</p> +</td> +<td><p>Daily</p> +</td> +<td><p>6 ounces bread, 1 pint gruel.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="3"><p style="text-align: center">No. 4.</p> +<p style="text-align: center"><span class="smcap">Men with Hard +Labour</span>.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Breakfast.</p> +</td> +<td><p>Daily</p> +</td> +<td><p>8 ounces bread, 1 pint porridge.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Dinner</p> +</td> +<td><p>Sunday and Wednesday</p> +</td> +<td><p>6 ounces bread, 8 ounces potatoes, 12 ounces suet +pudding.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p> </p> +</td> +<td><p>Monday and Friday</p> +</td> +<td><p>8 ounces bread, 12 ounces potatoes, 4 ounces cooked beef +(without bone).</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p> </p> +</td> +<td><p>Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday</p> +</td> +<td><p>8 ounces bread, 8 ounces potatoes, 1 pint soup.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Supper</p> +</td> +<td><p>Daily</p> +</td> +<td><p>8 ounces bread, 1 pint porridge.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="3"><p style="text-align: center"><a +name="page173"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 173</span><span +class="smcap">Men without Hard Labour</span>, <span +class="smcap">Women</span>, <span class="smcap">and Boys under +Sixteen Years of Age</span>.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Breakfast</p> +</td> +<td><p>Daily</p> +</td> +<td><p>6 ounces bread, 1 pint gruel.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Dinner</p> +</td> +<td><p>Sunday and Wednesday</p> +</td> +<td><p>4 ounces bread, 8 ounces potatoes, 10 ounces suet +pudding.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p> </p> +</td> +<td><p>Monday and Friday</p> +</td> +<td><p>6 ounces bread, 10 ounces potatoes, 3 ounces cooked beef +(without bone).</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p> </p> +</td> +<td><p>Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday</p> +</td> +<td><p>6 ounces bread, 8 ounces potatoes, 1 pint soup.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Supper</p> +</td> +<td><p>Daily</p> +</td> +<td><p>6 ounces bread, 1 pint gruel.</p> +</td> +</tr> +</table> +<p>On Mondays beans and fat bacon may be substituted for +beef. At the expiration of nine months one pint of cocoa, +with two ounces extra bread, may be given at breakfast three days +in the week, in lieu of one pint of porridge, or gruel, if +preferred.</p> +<p>The following will be the terms to which the above diets will +be applied:—</p> +<p>Prisoners sentenced to seven days and under, No. 1 diet for +the whole time.</p> +<p>Prisoners sentenced to more than seven days, and not more than +one month, No. 1 diet for seven days, and No. 2 diet for +remainder of term.</p> +<p>Prisoners sentenced to more than one month, and not more than +four months, No. 2 diet for one month, and No. 3 diet for +remainder of term.</p> +<p>Prisoners sentenced to more than four months, <a +name="page174"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 174</span>No. 3 diet +for four months, and No. 4 diet for remainder of term.</p> +<h3>TABLE OF SUBSTITUTES</h3> +<blockquote><p>For cooked English beef or potatoes, which may be +issued, if deemed necessary, by the authorities.</p> +<p>In lieu of four ounces cooked English beef:</p> +<p>Five ounces Colonial beef or mutton, preserved by heat (served +cold); nine ounces beans, one ounce fat bacon, four ounces +American or other foreign beef, preserved by cold (weighed after +cooking), eight ounces cooked fresh fish; six ounces cooked salt +meat; twelve ounces cooked salt fish.</p> +<p>In lieu of three ounces cooked English beef:</p> +<p>Three-and-three-quarter ounces Colonial beef or mutton, +preserved by heat (served cold); seven ounces beans, +three-quarters of an ounce fat bacon; three ounces American or +other foreign beef, preserved by cold (weighed after cooking); +six ounces cooked fresh fish; four-and-a-half ounces cooked salt +meat; nine ounces cooked salt fish.</p> +<p>In lieu of twelve ounces potatoes:</p> +<p>Eight ounces cabbage or turnip-tops; twelve <a +name="page175"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 175</span>ounces +parsnips, turnips, or carrots; twelve ounces preserved (dried) +potatoes; eight ounces leeks; twelve ounces rice (steamed till +tender).</p> +<p>In lieu of ten ounces potatoes:</p> +<p>Seven ounces cabbage or turnip-tops; ten ounces parsnips, +turnips, or carrots; ten ounces preserved (dried) potatoes; seven +ounces leeks; ten ounces rice (steamed till tender).</p> +<p>In lieu of eight ounces potatoes:</p> +<p>Six ounces cabbage or turnip-tops; eight ounces parsnips, +turnips, or carrots; eight ounces preserved (dried) potatoes; six +ounces leeks; eight ounces rice (steamed till tender).</p> +<p>In lieu of six ounces potatoes:</p> +<p>Four ounces cabbage or turnip-tops; six ounces parsnips, +turnips, or carrots; six ounces preserved (dried) potatoes; four +ounces leeks; six ounces rice (steamed till tender).</p> +<p>All the meats to be weighed without bone.</p> +<p>All vegetables to be weighed after cooking.</p> + +<div class="gapshortline"> </div> +<p><i>Printed at H.M. Convict Prison</i>, <i>Millbank</i>.</p> +</blockquote> +<p><a name="page176"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 176</span>A +careful perusal of Dietary 4 will convince the reader that it is +sufficiently generous to obviate any loss of weight, and yet, as +a rule, prisoners fall away on it, (There are some extraordinary +exceptions to this rule, and one man, a gentleman by birth, and +an ex-officer in the army, increased two stone in a few months; +the absolute half-starved vagrant also, of course, fattens on +it.) I can only attribute it to the voracious way they bolt +their food. It is stated of that eminent projector, the +late Mr. Rumford, that he once submitted to the then Elector of +Saxony a scheme whereby he might reduce the expense of +maintaining his army, without impairing its efficiency, by a very +simple method, namely, to reduce the amount, but compel his +soldiers to masticate their food. I cannot say if the +suggestion was acted on, but I am thoroughly convinced that if +prisoners received less, and were compelled to eat slower, a +considerable saving to the state and an improvement in the +appearance of the men would be effected. Personally I found +during the very few weeks I subsisted on this diet that it was +more than I could possibly eat, and withal good. The gruel, +I confess, is an acquired taste, and I was almost <a +name="page177"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 177</span>immediately +permitted to substitute cocoa. The porridge was also a sad +disappointment. I innocently hoped to have found the +delicious composition associated with the land of cakes and +immortal Burns, and could have burst into tears in recognising it +as intensified gruel. Its nourishing powers, however, are +not to be gainsaid; and to see malefactors shovelling it away, as +I have, one would suppose they enjoyed it. The recitation +of the substitutes for cooked beef I am compelled to characterise +an official quibble. During the few months I spent at +Coldbath I never heard—as I certainly should—of any +beef being issued at all, the invariable substitute being +Colonial meat served cold, except on one occasion, when salt fish +was supplied. On the merits of this last item I cannot +speak personally, for long before that I was on a daily diet of +mutton and mutton broth, as I describe hereafter. For the +preserved Colonial meat, however, I have nothing but +praise. “Served,” as it was, under every +disadvantage, I found it excellent; and as it can be purchased +for seven-pence a pound, the marvel is that the poorer classes, +who seldom or never taste butcher’s meat, <a +name="page178"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 178</span>do not +patronise it more largely. I can only suppose its merits +are unknown.</p> +<p>The bedstead, or “plank-bed,” as it is termed, is +the hardest couch I ever felt; with a mattress on it I could feel +every grain in the wood, and shuddered to think of my companions, +all of whom had to submit for a month to the board “pure +and simple.” It is only raised three inches from the +floor, and is two feet in breadth—a tight fit for twenty +stone. I had now fairly settled down in my final +destination for a month, and will describe the routine of the +day:—</p> +<table> +<tr> +<td><p>6 <span class="GutSmall">A.M.</span></p> +</td> +<td><p>—Rise.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>6.30 „</p> +</td> +<td><p>—Breakfast.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>7 „</p> +</td> +<td><p>—Take down the day’s work, and receive a fresh +supply.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>8 to 9 „</p> +</td> +<td><p>—Exercise.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>9 „</p> +</td> +<td><p>—Chapel (three times a week).</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>12 noon</p> +</td> +<td><p>—Dinner.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>5 <span class="GutSmall">P.M.</span></p> +</td> +<td><p>—Supper.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>8 „</p> +</td> +<td><p>—Bed.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>8.30 „</p> +</td> +<td><p>—Lights out.</p> +</td> +</tr> +</table> +<p style="text-align: center"> +<a href="images/p178b.jpg"> +<img alt= +"A Cell. 8 P.M." +title= +"A Cell. 8 P.M." +src="images/p178s.jpg" /> +</a></p> +<p>A slight difference existed between the regulation here and at +Newgate on the subject of “lights <a +name="page179"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +179</span>out.” At Coldbath it was a serious offence +to retire before 8 <span class="GutSmall">P.M.</span> At +Newgate it was, however, optional, though hampered with an absurd +condition. One evening, at this latter awful place, I had +determined on a comfortable read; with this object I undressed +about 7 <span class="GutSmall">P.M.</span>, and, pulling my bed +under the lamp, abandoned myself to the perusal of +<i>Chambers’ Magazine</i>, for 1878. Barely, however, +had I commenced, when “in a moment all was +dark.” I ascertained next morning that it was a rule +to put out the gas as soon as a man got into bed; whether from +economical motives or as an extra mode of annoyance, I never +troubled to ask.</p> +<p>The brown bread, which was often warm from the oven, was as +good as any I have ever tasted, and the quantity enough to +satisfy anyone; and yet the ordinary prisoner would devour his +and gratefully accept as much as anyone else would give +him. I found that prisoners would do anything for food, and +through my entire career I bartered it in exchange for soap, +etc. Amongst other recipients of my bounty was a German Jew +who lived near me. He spoke very little English, and as I +speak German fluently, I often had a <a name="page180"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 180</span>word with him. He told me the +usual story about being sentenced for nothing; and though I did +not believe a word of it, it led to his being put on my free +list. A more voracious appetite I never met with, and the +way he bolted half a pound of bread and three or four potatoes +was truly appalling; indeed, so unsatisfactory was it, that I +transferred my patronage after a week; one might as well have +tried to fill Nelson’s monument. Giving away food is +strictly prohibited—a regulation that necessitates certain +precautions, commendable for their suitability rather than their +cleanliness. The usual mode is for the donor to stuff +bread, potatoes, or a lump of suet down his stocking or inside +his shirt, and when time and circumstance permit, to transfer it +to the recipient of his bounty, who in his turn first shoves it +up his back or into his cap, to be transferred at leisure into +the mouth or elsewhere. This manipulation never commended +itself to me; and my rule, though not much more refined, had at +least the advantage of avoiding any personal contact with the +greasy dainties. I placed all my food in my +pocket-handkerchief, and transferred it bodily in exchange for +the others’. This rule only applied to the clean +linen day, when I was enabled <a name="page181"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 181</span>without delay to get rid of my +brother-reprobate’s <i>mouchoir</i>. On other +occasions I received their pocket-handkerchiefs clean, and +returned them later on full of good things. I let it be +understood that I never took a handkerchief unless it was clean; +and so perfect did the system become, that I had only to say +<i>en passant</i>, “Your handkerchief to-morrow,” and +it was duly handed to me washed and perfectly clean. I only +once was offered a treat of this kind. It was a poor black +man (I often see him about). I watched him fumbling in his +chest and eventually produce a crust; this he secreted for some +minutes in his fist, and then said, “Here, master,” +and held it out to me. I can see his look of surprise that +followed my refusal; but it was kindly meant, and though I +declined the emetic, I wouldn’t have hurt his feelings for +the world. Soup that I didn’t consume I usually +placed outside the door, hoping that my regular +“cleaner” would reach it in time. In this, +however, I was often disappointed, for my custom having got +known, a raid was frequently made on it by others—a +practice I determined to try and circumvent.</p> +<p>I was suffering at this time from liver complaint, <a +name="page182"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 182</span>and had on +my shelf a concoction of taraxacum and podophyllin. Of this +I poured one day about two doses into my mutton broth; and as it +was somewhat discoloured by the process, I added half a cup of +soapsuds and a handful of salt. Not long after the two +thieves arrived, and I could distinctly hear their long gulps as +they swallowed the savoury concoction. My commendable +endeavour to break them of pilfering was, however, a complete +failure; and the only remark I overheard was, “I say, Bill, +it’s damned salt, ain’t it?”</p> +<p>The soap one received had to last a fortnight, and was not +sufficient for a thorough wash daily and the periodical bath, and +I experienced great inconvenience at first by having to +economize; but when it had got mooted about that there “was +a swell as was mug enough to swap grub for soap,” my market +became literally glutted, and I was enabled to revel in a bath +every morning.</p> +<p>Washing one’s cell floor was not an agreeable +duty. At first I puffed and blew like a grampus, but it +soon became a very simple affair, and I became a perfect adept at +the charwoman business. I heard whilst here, from a +reliable source, of some man who after leaving the prison was +staying at a <a name="page183"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +183</span>West-end hotel, and who, seeing a servant shirking her +duty whilst scrubbing the doorstep, and unable to resist the +force of habit, very kindly gave her the benefit of his +experience, and stripping off his coat, proceeded to lay-to +assiduously. I should not hesitate to do the same under +certain circumstances. This “doing” one’s +own apartment was the only derogatory duty I had ever to perform; +and as it was a private show, and clearly for one’s own +benefit, I never had the slightest objection to it; the more so +as the taking of my morning bath (the saucepan on the floor) had +half completed the process.</p> +<p>Oakum-picking cannot be called an intellectual +employment. I should say, too, it was decidedly monotonous, +though I can hardly speak from personal experience. I tried +the experiment of unravelling the rope, but it was so intensely +provoking that I turned my thoughts to evading the +necessity. My turnkey and I were friends within twenty-four +hours, and I consulted him about getting a substitute. As +turnkey and prisoner had both left before I had, I may say, +without injuring anyone, that for a weekly consideration my task +was picked daily. Of a morning a bundle was mysteriously <a +name="page184"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 184</span>thrown into +my cell, and a few moments later I proudly descended with +“my work,” and dropped the unused rope on the +stair. The usual task that prisoners have to pick is three +pounds a day, but being a light-labour man I was only assigned +one pound. I invariably returned a portion of this modified +amount unpicked, thereby lulling the suspicions of a dense but +offensively-inclined taskmaster. Oakum is one of the most +tell-tale commodities I ever came across. If merely +unravelled, it remains black and juicy; but the more it is picked +and pulled the paler it gets, till it is capable of assuming the +appearance of Turkish tobacco. An experienced eye can at +once detect the amount of labour bestowed on it, and some of the +huge bundles I saw my <i>confrères</i> carrying down were +works of art as regards finish. The man who actually picked +my oakum was the “cleaner,” a privileged individual +with a roving commission. His duties frequently brought him +to my cell, and he told me he was a “racing +man.” I discovered, however, as we became better +acquainted, that the designation is capable of considerable +expansion, and that his peculiar talent was the “three-card +trick.” He knew every racecourse in England as <a +name="page185"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 185</span>well as +every prison, and never failed of a morning to inquire how I had +slept, adding, that he always slept badly the first few nights in +a strange prison; and my reply that I was not affected in a +“similar way” appeared to cause him considerable +surprise. In my unravelling process I one day chanced to +come across a bit of cane. It was certainly moist from +proximity to the tar, but I carefully dried and subsequently +smoked it. I can hardly say the pleasure was unalloyed, for +it bore such a resemblance to the fragrant British Havanna that I +got alarmed, and put it out. It was the only smoke I had +for months.</p> +<p>Exercise at Coldbath was an important institution, and +considering it was the only fresh air I at first experienced in +the day, I always looked forward to it. An hour is the +regulation time, but seldom is the boon of that duration; and if +the warder is otherwise engaged, the exercise has to give way, +and thus the prisoner is deprived of a healthy occupation to meet +the convenience of a selfish turnkey. Overlooking the +exercise-yard attached to C ward were a row of houses, and I +often wondered what the lookers-on thought of the moving mass of +misery that circled round below <a name="page186"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 186</span>them. To me, with my limited +facilities, there was ample room for reflection; and I often +marvelled how such various types of humanity could have been +collected, or indeed that they ever existed.</p> +<p>One feeble old man particularly attracted my notice. He +was almost unable to walk round from sheer old age, and appeared +altogether incapable of having qualified in any way for lodgings +at Coldbath. I asked a warder what on earth he had +done.</p> +<p>“Well,” he said, “they say he’s a bad +’un. He’s here for violently assaulting the +police, and got six months.”</p> +<p>“But,” I added, “he don’t look as if +he would last so long; he must be at least a hundred!”</p> +<p>“Very likely,” was the reply. “The +fact is, a new rule has come in lately, and pauper prisoners are +buried in the prison; so they sent him here in hopes of starting +our new cemetery.”</p> +<p>Another peculiarity that struck me forcibly was the apparently +universal obstruction that appeared to exist in the criminal +throat. It was absolutely epidemic, and the +sounds—such as are made by an over-wound moderator +lamp—that accompanied their fruitless endeavours to obtain +relief were excessively revolting. This and the like are +the <a name="page187"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +187</span>worst features of coming in contact with these dirty +wretches. Many habits usually looked upon as filthy were +freely indulged in, and anyone who instinctively abstained from +participating was looked upon as an outsider. A foolish +habit I had contracted in my youth of applying my +pocket-handkerchief to its natural use was, I fancy, specially +resented. I could never shake off these feelings, and +though with them, was never “one of them.” I +always kept them at arms’ length, and invariably received +some implied recognition of my superiority. The better +class of prisoners for the most part addressed me as +“Capting,” or “Sir”; and even the lowest, +if they spoke—which I never encouraged—did so with +some small degree of reserve. The neighbourhood abounds +with street-organs; indeed, it is the head-quarters where the +instrumentalists for the most part live, the consequence being +that, like the lady of Bambury Cross, we had music wherever we +“goed.” About this time a certain popular air +was much in vogue, and evidently much admired by the criminal +classes. I enquired the name of this vile music-hall ditty, +but without effect; and can only describe it by the fact that no +sooner did it commence than the whole <a name="page188"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 188</span>mob appeared to cheer up, and took +up a sort of gin-and-water refrain which they buzzed +out—“Ho moy littul tarling, ’ow are +yew?” The wretch who composed it deserves a +month. It is impossible to describe the monotony of these +days without occupation—for my deputy did my task—and +without books. The religious tract, as a leaflet was +officially styled, had to last a fortnight; and I knew by heart +all about “The Sweet Recollections of a Sweep,” and +“The Converted Charwoman of Goswell Road.” +“What Pickest Thou, you Wretch?” and “How are +your Poor Fingers, you Blackguard?” were also works +contained in this religious repertoire, and altogether of a more +thrilling description. They were generally understood to +have been the work of a local divine, as indeed their style +suggested. The library books are a very sorry lot, though +probably well adapted to the capacities of their readers. +The rule, too, that permits their change only once a fortnight is +in itself a species of torture unworthy of the system that +sanctions them at all. The type for the most part is large, +and such as an educated man can read in a day. Why, then, +spoil a gracious act by limiting its very innocent scope. +Such, too, <a name="page189"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +189</span>is the reckless supervision of these literary treasures +that I received no less than seven school histories of England +during my career. I felt this as almost a reflection on the +Dean of W— and my classical education generally.</p> +<p>There was, however, a reserve library for the special benefit +of the “serious” minded, and men of education with +strict Episcopalian proclivities. This issue, and its +attendant patronage, is vested entirely in the hands of the +chaplain—a custom it is high time to alter—and +considering I had never been confirmed, it is a marvel how I was +ever included in its favoured ranks. The blessing was not, +however, an entirely unmitigated one; and “Locke’s +Essay on the Mind,” “The Theory of Sturm,” and +such light reading usually fell to my share. Happily I was +independent of it all, although an amusing and undignified +squabble some months later deprived me of even this modified +clerical patronage.</p> +<p>I must mention one incident connected with my “three +card” acquaintance before leaving the oakum district. +It was after chapel, and he was in my cell, when, after sundry +enquiries as to how I liked the service, etc., he said—</p> +<p><a name="page190"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +190</span>“I calls it bad, very bad taste, the way they +goes on, even in chapel, at a chap about his work. +Didn’t you hear this morning about the oakum?”</p> +<p>“Oakum,” I said; “I don’t remember any +allusion to it.”</p> +<p>“O yes you do,” he replied. +“D’you mind my nudging you?” and then I +recollected receiving a dig in the ribs, which I failed to +understand at the time, as they began to sing, “O Come, let +us sing,” etc. The racing man had made a mistake in +the spelling, and very properly resented the allusion.</p> +<p>My transfer from this hateful district was, however, nearer +than I supposed, and an unexpected occurrence a few days after my +arrival brought about this welcome change. My door was one +day suddenly opened, and my friend the turnkey appeared in +breathless agitation.</p> +<p>“Summat’s up,” he jerked out; “mind +you tells em nothink. You’re going to be transferred +at once.”</p> +<h2><a name="page191"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +191</span>CHAPTER XVI.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">THE VISITING JUSTICES.</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">Something</span> was indeed up; a letter, +in fact, that I had clandestinely written had been +intercepted. Personally I was indifferent to the result; +the worst had been done to me when I found myself in +prison. Degrees of punishment had no terrors for me, and I +was equally callous as to whether employed in a “situation +of trust” or languishing in a punishment cell. To me +all appeared tarred with the same brush, and I loathed the +privileges and punishments, the indulgences and deprivations, the +spiritual comforts, and every other contingency with the same +intensity. As regards the turnkey, however, my sympathy was +enlisted. Here was a poor man, with a wife and family, +liable to dismissal, and even imprisonment, if convicted of +carrying letters. At the time I was at a loss to understand +how the traffic could <a name="page192"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 192</span>possibly have been discovered. +I was confident I had not been observed writing, and had seen the +letters securely secreted in the warder’s pouch. +Unless, then, he had been guilty of some indiscretion, the +discovery seemed impossible. Such a contingency as foul +play from without never entered my head, and yet, alas, such a +thing had actually occurred. A servant in the family of one +of my correspondents had lately been detected in a series of +systematic thefts from her employers, extending over many +months. The discovery naturally involved her immediate +dismissal, and by way of gratitude for their refraining from +prosecuting her, she purloined my letter, and assuming a position +of authority, called at the prison and produced the +document. Her motive was clearly revenge, but the truth (as +it always does) eventually came out, and the mystery that +shrouded the transaction for months has happily been dispelled, +and the temporary doubt (almost excusable) that associated the +act with very dear friends has given way to a regret that I could +ever have doubted their honour. As to the thieving, +sneaking wretch, she decamped with her spoils; and though her +photograph has been <a name="page193"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 193</span>freely distributed in the +“three ball” quarter, she has hitherto evaded +discovery. For my part I would gladly subscribe a trifle +for the present address of Mrs. Smith. With the mystery +that surrounded everything that occurred in the place, I tried in +vain to ascertain whether anything had really been discovered, +but day after day passed, and the affair had apparently blown +over. This, however, was an erroneous impression; it was +only the lull that precedes the storm, and not a stone was being +left unturned to sift the matter. The turnkey, at the time +only suspected of complicity in the matter, was carefully +watched. When he left of an evening his every footstep was +dogged, and a nightly report of his rambles duly made. A +letter, too, that he foolishly posted in a neighbouring +pillar-box pointed indirectly to his connivance, and subsequent +inquiries at the district receiving office made matters possibly +clearer. A close relationship exists between such +Government institutions as post-offices, prisons, and +police-stations, which affords greater facilities to constituted +authorities for unearthing mysteries than to ordinary +mortals. I was ignorant in those days of this affinity, and +an easy prey to such trumpery contingencies; but <a +name="page194"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 194</span>I +eventually reduced the trafficking to a science impossible of +detection, and unfailing in its results. Can it be wondered +at—surrounded as one is by underpaid officials, who begin +at twenty-one shillings and twenty-three shillings a week, with a +gradual increase, after years of toil, to a possible twenty-eight +shillings, and with a prospect, after twenty years’ +service, of receiving a pension of ten shillings a week—can +it be wondered at, I ask, that these worthy men are unable to +resist a bribe? I should regret to have to prove my words, +but if I was in the position again, I think I could undertake to +be in daily communication with the outer world, despite bolts and +bars and the “special” observation I was always +subject to. This is no idle boast, as subsequent events +will prove; and the authorities have only themselves to thank for +exercising no discretionary power in their treatment of +prisoners, when the facts I mention prove conclusively that a +great difference does exist and always will between the vagrant +and the gentleman, even in prison, in more ways than one. +The underpaid turnkey is still more unfairly handicapped, and it +resolves itself into his choosing between my £5 and the +Government £1. What <a name="page195"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 195</span>more natural than that he should +elect the former, when the most ordinary precaution will guard +against detection. I don’t think the authorities +ought to begrudge the so-called gentleman this solitary +advantage. No one can deny that six months to a man of +education is an infinitely severer trial than eighteen to a +costermonger. The one has to battle with the mind, +conscience, remorse, shattered prospects, loss of caste, a +blighted future, food, clothing, surroundings, all inferior to +what he has been accustomed to; to submit, moreover, to be +addressed by inferiors in a tone of authority, besides a +hundred-and-one other humiliations impossible to remember: the +other finds himself amongst friends, loses nothing by his +incarceration, is better clothed, fed, and housed than if he were +at home, and, in the case of an artizan, reverts to his every-day +employment; and yet this is seldom taken into consideration, and +justice is ladled out to gentleman and vagrant alike. I +cannot assert this as my own experience, for justice was indeed +tempered with mercy to me, and I am fully sensible of the +consideration I received, both at my trial and hereafter. +Under ordinary circumstances one would be accused of ingratitude +for <a name="page196"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +196</span>breaking rules and deceiving those in authority who had +treated one well, but I never took this personal view of +it. I was fighting a system that I despised, not +individuals that I respected. So I looked on it as a game +of “brag,” a kind of “French and +English,” a question of bolts and bars <i>versus</i> +brains, where the latter had apparently the worst of it, where +undue importance was attached to watching and spying, and nothing +left to one’s parole. About a week after my transfer +(I was now in the needlework ward, and being initiated into the +mysteries of darning stockings) I received a summons to appear +before the Governor. I knew now that the letter-writing had +been discovered, or, as my friend the turnkey had expressed it, +“Summat was up.” He told me, in a few words, +that it had come to his knowledge that I had been sending out +clandestine letters, and requested me to inform him if that was +the case, and who had been my channel of communication, adding +that he was prepared to take down any statements I might feel +disposed to make. The idea of denying it never entered my +head—I was perfectly indifferent as to what might happen; I +thereupon informed him that I had <a name="page197"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 197</span>written, as he alleged, three +letters, and that I was quite prepared to bear the +consequences. I, however, respectfully declined to give him +any information as to my <i>employé</i>. I was then +requested to wait outside, and the order was given to send for +Mr. B—. “Well,” I thought, “if poor +old B— tells them as much as I have he need not fear being +identified as my brother conspirator.” A moment +later, and I was recalled: a glance at the unhappy B— +convinced me that fear had robbed him of his self-possession, and +that he had not observed the salutary advice he had given me as +to “telling ’em nothink.” His face was +the colour of a boiled turkey, and the keys at his side (a sorry +burlesque on authority) were rattling from tremour. The +Governor then said, “Mr. B— has admitted that he took +a letter for you, so I presume you have now no objection to admit +it.” In courtesy to the nervous donkey I asked him if +that was correct, and on his replying in the affirmative, I at +once made a clean breast of it. The poor man was thereupon +suspended from duty, and a week later summarily dismissed. +I tried to make him every reparation in my power, and shortly +after I procured him a billet at thirty <a +name="page198"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 198</span>shillings a +week, but when I sent to his lodgings I found he had left. +I heard afterwards he had gone into the country, where I hope by +this time he has recovered his position. My case had yet to +be dealt with, and as the Governor was not qualified to +adjudicate on such a serious offence as this is considered, I was +remanded to appear before the Visiting Justices. I heard +terrible rumours of these avenging Solons, and of the floggings, +solitary confinements, and other barbarities that followed in the +wake of their fortnightly visits, and was prepared—but +perfectly indifferent—for the worst. My information +for the most part was derived from brother malefactors, and +consequently likely to be considerably exaggerated. I +found, indeed, that this was the case, and when the eventful +day—Black Wednesday—arrived, I discovered that the +dreaded justices were a full bench of Middlesex magistrates, my +old friends who had smashed, pulverized, and otherwise +annihilated Barnabas Amos on my representations, and who I hoped +and believed were gentlemen capable of weighing the pros and cons +of my peculiar case. My expectations were more than +verified. The punishment cells, as I had had them +described, <a name="page199"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +199</span>and of which I hereafter got a bird’s-eye +view—<i>from outside</i>—were not inviting +abodes. There are twelve of them, fitted with double doors, +warranted to preclude all sound from penetrating beyond. +They contain no furniture, except a plank and a stool, both fixed +to the floor, and the two blankets and rug that constitute the +entire bed and bedding are issued every night and removed every +morning. Water is supplied three times a day, and the food +is stirabout and dry bread, administered on homoeopathic +principles. Books there are none—indeed, the subdued +light would make them superfluous; the occupants, moreover, have +no employment, the distraction of oakum-picking even being +fiendishly denied them. Men who had undergone this +punishment told me that the effect was indescribable, this +combination of gloom, idleness, and profound silence, and their +wasted appearance after a fortnight’s incarceration fully +confirmed their assertions. The penalty, as I was credibly +informed, for sending a letter out was ten days at least in the +punishment cells; and a preliminary I underwent of being +carefully weighed on the morning of the eventful day raised the +betting in my estimation to six to four on <a +name="page200"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 200</span>the +cells. A kind friend expressed great sympathy for me, but +feared I must make up my mind to this degrading punishment. +But he was wrong; the weighing was superfluous, and I got off +with a reprimand.</p> +<p>The Middlesex magistrates having heard the case, which was put +before them in the kindest light by the Governor, and taking into +consideration the dastardly act, whereby the offence was in a +measure discovered, informed me through the chairman that they +knew my position and were sorry for it, pointed out the gravity +of my offence, and finished with an admonition—a treatment +that only gentlemen could have accorded to such as I. This +generosity induced me to register a mental vow that I would not +abuse their kindness. I felt indeed as if I were on my +parole; but the foolish act of an illiterate +jailor—instigated, I suspect, by a vindictive snob—a +few days after, armed with the authority, but incapable of +discriminating between the treatment most likely to be deterrent +to a man like myself and that desirable with a costermonger, +turned me from my good resolutions. I saw it was a question +of the “best man wins,” that confidence was a thing +that <a name="page201"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +201</span>never entered their heads, and that I had nothing to +gain by passive submission. For the first and only time in +my career I felt insulted, and determined henceforth to double my +precautions, to evade every regulation, and to lose no +opportunity of bribing everything and everybody with whom I came +in contact. The act that decided me in this course was +being formally searched. A few days after my admonition I +was unexpectedly visited by two warders, and ordered to change +everything I had on for a fresh supply, which they brought +in. Meanwhile my cell was turned upside down. The +salt was capsized into the plate; my bed minutely examined; the +table and stool tapped and shaken; and matches struck and poked +down the ventilators; and when they discovered I had neither +pencil nor paper, I was left to readjust my apartment. As I +said to them at the time, nobody in his senses would have +supposed that a man who had so lately escaped a severe punishment +would be such a fool as to incur the risk of possessing +contraband articles. As a fact, I had got rid of all my +combustibles a few days before; and if any of the officials can +remember a stoppage in a certain drain about that time, they can +make a pretty <a name="page202"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +202</span>shrewd guess at what became of them. The above +incident may, I hope, attract the notice of someone in authority, +and be the means of giving a discretionary power to governors of +prisons as regards the treatment of a certain class of +prisoners. Sauce for the goose is not always sauce for the +gander, and it’s for the authorities to decide whether +certain results cannot be attained by tact that can never be +assured by brutality.</p> +<h2><a name="page203"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +203</span>CHAPTER XVII.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">PRISON TRADES.</span></h2> +<p>A <span class="smcap">great</span> variety of trades are +represented in Coldbath Fields—such as tailors, shoemakers, +blacksmiths, tinsmiths, worsted-workers, laundrymen, bakers, +needlemen, basket-makers, mat-makers, printers, bookbinders, +carpenters, plumbers, and glaziers. Of these mat-making and +laundry-work are considered the hardest. The men selected +for following any of the above vocations are looked upon as +privileged individuals, and infinitely better off than the +ordinary oakum-picker—a task that everyone has to submit to +for one month, although many never get beyond it and its +accompanying isolation during the two years of their +imprisonment. A good deal of the comfort or otherwise with +which these trades are followed depends on the warders in +charge. If the warder is a brute, the prisoners become +demoralized, crime is rampant, and reports <a +name="page204"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 204</span>and +punishment the natural consequence. If he happens to be +reasonable and just in his dealings, contentment reigns, the work +is well done, and insubordination is unknown. I saw and +heard a great deal in support of this assertion, and during my +few months’ retirement managed to poke my nose into a good +many queer corners. The laundry bears an unenviable +notoriety, both on account of the excessive hard labour and the +brutality with which it is enforced. There are about sixty +men employed in this department, who have severally to wash one +or other of the following quantities daily:—30 shirts, 80 +sheets, 200 towels, 500 pocket-handkerchiefs, 18 blankets, 250 +pairs of socks. Such quantities would tax the capacity of +an expert washerwoman; but when a novice—probably a clerk +or respectable tradesman—is put to the task, its magnitude +is at first insurmountable. Instead of 30 shirts, the poor +wretch finds he cannot manage more than 5, which next day he +succeeds in bringing up to 15. Meanwhile his hands become +chafed and sore, and he sees the doctor in hopes of getting +relief; but the doctor is powerless. A cut finger is not a +serious complaint though probably a very painful one; and he has +<a name="page205"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 205</span>no +alternative but to send him back. This in itself is +considered as malingering; and the poor devil is brought before +the Governor for idleness and feigning sickness, and is sentenced +to one day’s bread and water as a first offence. +Should this “crime” be repeated, he gets an increased +punishment, and is either flogged or sent to the punishment +cells. This is no overcoloured description. A +prisoner in such a case has neither justice nor any means of +proving the injustice. Any report, however garbled, is +necessarily believed; and if corroboration is necessary, a dozen +turnkeys, from every part of the prison, will come forward, and +emphatically endorse their comrade’s charge. The +prisoner meanwhile is not allowed to speak, and if he did would +not be believed, and, as often happens with the lower classes, is +actuated by fear, which only increases his apparent guilt.</p> +<p style="text-align: center"> +<a href="images/p205b.jpg"> +<img alt= +"Typical turnkey L. Normal expression R. Corroborative +evidence" +title= +"Typical turnkey L. Normal expression R. Corroborative +evidence" +src="images/p205s.jpg" /> +</a></p> +<p>It is not the prison authorities that can be held responsible +for this burlesque on justice, for more humane, honourable, and +just men than the Governor and Surgeon of Coldbath Fields do not +exist. It is the vile system that gives no discretionary +power to these officials, and considers that a man once overtaken +in a fault ought forthwith <a name="page206"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 206</span>to be treated like a dog; and, not +satisfied with this inhuman conclusion, deputes the carrying out +of their system to a set of ignorant, cringing, underpaid warders +and turnkeys—in many cases ill-conditioned by nature, and +brutal, eye-serving, and untrustworthy by habit.</p> +<p>One victim of this cruel system, that was undergoing fifteen +months’ imprisonment, worn out by work, constant reports, +punishment, and illness, and who was refused permission to revert +to oakum-picking in preference to remaining in the laundry, went +back to his solitary cell one Saturday night, and in sheer +desperation hanged himself; and Sunday morning found him +suspended by his bed-straps from the bell-handle, cold and stone +dead. Another lad of 18, who had been reported for talking, +and sentenced to bread and water, took it so much to heart that +on his cell door being opened about 2 <span +class="GutSmall">P.M.</span> he rushed past the turnkey, and +threw himself over the railings. He was picked up +insensible and taken to the hospital, when, incredible as it may +appear, he was found to be absolutely uninjured, although he had +jumped from a fifth storey and landed on a stone floor. On +his dinner tin the unhappy youth had <a name="page207"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 207</span>scratched, “Dear father and +mother, brothers and sisters I wish you all good-bye and have 3 +days cells and 3 days bread and water and pushed about. +From A. Burke.” The lad was thereupon brought before +the visiting justices, and in consideration of his youth only got +seven days in the punishment cells.</p> +<p>It cannot be denied that great malingering and deception are +practised by prisoners, which necessitates the greatest vigilance +on the part of the officials. Nothing is commoner than for +them to pretend attempted suicide; and instances are of frequent +occurrence where a man, having calculated the time to a nicety, +proceeds to hang himself as his door is being opened. These +gentlemen are almost invariably flogged.</p> +<p>On the other hand, it is equally certain that justice is not +meted out in the disposal of everyday offences. Discipline +demands that the warders must be supported; and even if they are +known to be lying or grossly exaggerating, “the +system” necessitates their being believed. If, +therefore, this humble stratum of humanity is supposed to be +entitled to a particle of fair play, it calls for the immediate +attention of Sir Edmund Du Cane. I <a +name="page208"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 208</span>would +suggest the advisability of an experienced <i>ex parte</i> +official being daily present at these orderly-room farces, who +could watch the cases and weigh the evidence. Until this is +done a prisoner has about as much prospect of justice as had +Arabi before the arrival of Mr. Broadley. In this +<i>résumé</i> of justice as administered at +Coldbath Fields I must be permitted to disown all reflections on +the Governor, for whom I have the profoundest respect. It +is the system that I blame, and sympathize with a conscientious +man being compelled by regulation to conform to its usages.</p> +<p>About eighty men are employed as tailors; of these the best +workmen are employed in the shop, the remainder doing piecework +in their respective cells. They make the entire clothing +for officers and prisoners for this and many other prisons. +The work is exceptionally good—a fact not to be wondered +at, considering they count amongst their ranks journeymen and +cutters from many of the principal West-end houses. The +basket-making is exceptionally good, and to a great extent made +to the order of the leading shops; and the specimens of neat work +I have seen quite surprised me. Mat-making is a severe type +of hard labour. The <a name="page209"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 209</span>daily task is one yard, and men who +have been employed at it have assured me that it is very hard +work. The mat-room is fitted with twelve looms for the make +of the best doormats. The Government has a contract with +Treloar, a shopkeeper in Ludgate; and as he is supposed to have a +large connection, it may be assumed that reputedly honest feet +are constantly being brought into contact with the work of +dishonest hands.</p> +<p>The bakery is worth a visit, if only to see the mountains of +bread in course of preparation. In this place about +twenty-four men are constantly employed putting in or taking out +loaves from two huge ovens. All the bread, whether white or +brown, is made in separate loaves of the average size of a penny +roll; and when it is added that some 4000 of these are consumed +daily, representing a gross weight of over half a ton, in +Coldbath Fields alone (to say nothing of Holloway Gaol and the +House of Detention, which are also supplied from here), some idea +of the proportions of “our bakery” may be arrived +at. The kitchen is, if anything, still more +interesting. I have never seen anything to approach the +size of the vats and utensils, unless, perhaps, in a pantomime +scene <a name="page210"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +210</span>representing Gorgeybuster the giant’s +<i>cuisine</i>. Everything is here cooked by steam, and +excellent the cookery is. The soup, which is supplied three +times a week, is exceptionally good. It finds its way from +the kitchen in enormous tubs, and on arrival at the various wards +is transferred into greasy, half-washed tins; still it does not +lose its excellence, and I invariably enjoyed the soup. The +usual amount made on soup days is about 200 gallons, and the +daily quantity of potatoes consumed about 7 cwt. As may be +supposed, certain farces and abuses have crept into this +department. Specimens of the cookery are daily laid out for +the inspection of the surgeon and Governor. If they should, +however, omit this essential form, it is amply compensated for by +the voracity of some of the head warders, who frequently +sacrifice inclination at the shrine of duty and make a +substantial meal during the tasting process. Beef-tea for +the use of the patients is also made here—a brew that would +be considerably strengthened by being doctored in the hospital +kitchen instead of where it is. A pound of beef is the +liberal allowance for each pint of beef-tea. The usual +custom that prevails, however, is for the <a +name="page211"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 211</span>beef to be +eaten, by those who ought to know better, and for Colonial meat +to be substituted for it. I assert this advisedly, and +offer it as the possible solution of the knotty problem of why +complaints are of such frequent occurrence. Home Office +papers, please copy! Despite all the assertions to the +contrary, I freely confess I never found fault with the prison +fare; and if one could keep one’s thoughts from wandering +to “Bignon’s” or the “Café +Helder,” one could thoroughly enjoy the liberal fare. +I experienced this dietary, pure and simple, for two or three +months, so may be fairly considered capable of forming an +opinion.</p> +<p>The carpenters’ and smiths’ shops call for no +special notice beyond the custom in vogue, whereby all men are +carefully searched before returning to their cells. This +is, no doubt, an essential ceremony, as turnkeys’ +scalping-knives, in the shape of chisels, might occasionally go +astray, not forgetting the modest pencil, the most treasured +possession of Her Majesty’s prisoners.</p> +<p>The oakum shed finds employment for about a dozen men. +In it piles of old rope are being continually chopped up, +weighed, and tied into bundles varying from one to three pounds +in weight. I <a name="page212"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +212</span>have often seen van loads of this apparently worthless +rope discharging cargo at this shed, and was surprised to see the +same though quite unrecognisable rope leaving the prison a week +or two after converted into the finest oakum, to be again +utilized for the manufacture of rope.</p> +<p>The paper room is the most original and interesting of the +various institutions in this original and interesting +place. I do not know if it lies in the route through which +visitors are conducted, but if it does it will repay a minute +inspection. Into this room the sweepings of the Houses of +Parliament and the various Government Offices in the United +Kingdom find their way. All old telegrams, after being kept +six months at the General Post Office, are sent here to be +destroyed, to say nothing of old ledgers, directories, blue +books, almanacks, etc.; in short, a heterogeneous mass of things +useful and things useless, all higgle-de-piggledy, to be sorted +and torn into small pieces, and eventually converted into paper +by Alderman Waterlow and his sons (these last named individuals +do their share of the work at home). Amongst this pile the +most valuable discoveries are of daily occurrence; and articles +priceless in <a name="page213"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +213</span>the estimation of a prisoner, such as pen-knives, boxes +of cigarettes, butt-ends of cigars, writing paper, envelopes, +novels, coins, pencils, and postage stamps, are hourly +exhumed. About 200 men are employed in this department, +whose duty is to tear up into small atoms a certain amount of +waste paper daily. Of the above number some 20 of the most +trustworthy (<i>i.e.</i>, those who are the greatest adepts in +the art of secreting property about their persons) are employed +in overhauling the supply, and delivering up contraband +goods—that they may not require—before passing it to +be manipulated by their less trustworthy +<i>confrères</i>. Great precautions are supposed to +be taken against the possibility of a prisoner appropriating any +of this “treasure trove,” and they are each and all +subjected to a minute examination before returning to their +cells. That this search meets all the requirements of the +case may be gleaned from the quantities of things that find their +way into the prison. I was never without a capital +pen-knife, and when I lost mine (or when it was stolen), as I did +on more than one occasion, I never had any difficulty in +procuring another. The stationery that I used for my +“private” correspondence was <a +name="page214"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 214</span>invariably +House of Commons paper, and, excepting perhaps being almost +imperceptibly soiled, was as good as new. The traffic in +tobacco through this agency is by no means inconsiderable, and +before I had made my personal arrangements for a weekly supply I +have frequently exchanged food for cigarettes; but they were far +from satisfactory, and I found them infinitely better adapted for +choking than chewing. Butt-ends of cigars, too, find a +ready market; but at this point I invariably drew the line, and +preferred—inveterate smoker though I am—to forego the +luxury of chewing a cigar that had been half-masticated by some +scorbutic quill-driver. The special trade that I was put to +was worsted work. I was officially described as a +“needleman,” a title I had more claim to than may +appear at first sight. Needlemen are employed either in +knitting stockings, making shirts, or darning blankets, shirts, +or socks. I had the choice of any of these delectable +pursuits, and selected the latter as the most easy of +evasion. Darning burglars’ stockings, I admit, sounds +a humble and unsavoury vocation; but considering they are boiled +for about three days before passing into the needlemen’s +hands, any antipathy on the <a name="page215"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 215</span>subject must be attributed to sheer +prejudice. Other motives also influenced me; it was far the +lightest and most elastic job, and a reserve bundle I always kept +in stock did me good service on the thimble rig principle. +The allotted task was 15 pair a day <i>at least</i>, but thanks +to my “reserve” (a far greater success than Mr. +Cardwell’s), and “auxiliaries” of other kinds, +I found that two pair and sometimes three a day met all the +“requirements of the service.” The nature of my +work amusingly exemplified Locke’s theory of the +“Association of Ideas,” and I never took up a +stocking without having vividly presented to my mind the scene in +“Faust,” where Marguerite is <a +name="page216"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 216</span>bound to +lame the wearer. I speak from personal knowledge, for one +afternoon I experimentalized with one of my specimen repairs and +blistered my foot for a month. I often had qualms of +conscience as I saw the numerous men that were limping round at +exercise—the number of whom appeared to increase in +proportion to the quantity of stockings I darned—and I +could not help feeling that I was the unintentional cause of all +this misery. My deplorable incapacity in the Berlin wool +and fancy line was once nearly getting me into a terrible +scrape. Amongst the pedestrians that exercised at the same +time as myself was an ex-convict and desperado, who prided +himself on the recital of his past experiences, and who had +undergone penal servitude in Australia and England almost without +interruption during the past 20 years. He was a Hercules in +appearance, addicted to the use of his fists on the slightest +provocation, and about the last man whose susceptibilities one +would care to offend. On his arrival some twelve months +previously he had laid down some wholesome rules for the guidance +of those whom it might concern. “I don’t wants +any ’umbug as long as I’m +’ere”—this was the burthen <a +name="page217"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 217</span>of his +instructions. “I’ll do my work as well as +I’m able, and you’ll allus find me willing and +respec’ful-like; but if any of you attempts to bully or +’umbug me I’ll cut your throats from ear to +ear.” Conceive, then, my feelings on seeing this +amiable creature one morning struggling with his stocking. +A glance convinced me it was my handiwork. With a terrible +oath, and livid with rage, he expressed a wish that he only knew +the chap that had “fixed” his stocking. With an +equally fervent but inaudible prayer I sincerely hoped he never +would.</p> +<h2><a name="page218"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +218</span>CHAPTER XVIII.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">“THE OUTER WORLD.”</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> unfortunate <i>contretemps</i> +that had indirectly associated me with the dismissal of a warder +caused me to be looked upon for some time by his +<i>confrères</i> with considerable distrust; it was +generally understood, however, that I was not a man that could be +bullied with impunity, and would unhesitatingly have reported any +attempt of the kind. I attribute this diagnosis of my +character to my bearing from the first. I made it a rule to +be scrupulously courteous to the humblest turnkey if he showed an +inclination to treat me civilly, whilst I ignored the position of +those who attempted to hector over me, and convinced them by my +manner that I looked on them as my inferiors. When I +reflect on the bearing of the various officials towards other +prisoners, I am at a loss to understand how I was permitted the +latitude I was. <a name="page219"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 219</span>I can only attribute it to that +moral and indefinable effect certain men of birth and education, +and naturally arrogant in disposition, do and always will +exercise, no matter how temporarily circumstanced, over their +inferiors. This bearing asserted itself without my +knowledge, and I had my likes and dislikes from the highest to +the lowest. Thus I liked and respected the Governor, and +ignored his deputy; I liked one chaplain, and cordially despised +the other; I liked and venerated the kind old surgeon, which +would be exaggerating my feelings regarding his assistant. +None of my antipathies could probably instance any absolute case +against me, yet they were respectively aware of my estimate of +their merits. To remove this feeling of distrust amongst +the turnkeys was by no means easy. I had to watch my +opportunity to get into conversation, and then carefully to +smuggle in “a word in season.” This necessary +formula was not unattended with risk, and I had to discover the +disposition of my man and not say the wrong word in the wrong +place. My knowledge of human nature gave me a considerable +advantage in these negotiations; it was like playing +blind-man’s-buff with one eye exposed, <a +name="page220"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 220</span>and I soon +had the measure of every official in the prison. Some nuts +I admit to have found very difficult to crack, but they +eventually yielded to treatment; others were hopeless cases, and +some I labelled “dangerous” and carefully +avoided. I had, however, attained my object; and wherever I +went, or wherever I was located, I was always within +“measurable distance” of one ministering angel, and +often two. The principal cause of my unbroken success may +be attributed to my having no confidants—my right hand +literally knew not what my left was doing; and Jones, the +turnkey, who lived in fear and trembling that Brown would suspect +his trafficking with me, was a source of hourly anxiety to Brown, +who dreaded Jones getting wind of his kindly interest in my +affairs. I always assured these respective worthies that +they had nothing to fear from me if they would only exercise +ordinary discretion on their own parts, and as I was above the +weakness of carrying about a fagot of pencils or cigars, it is +hardly to be wondered at that diplomacy triumphed. Through +one channel or another I heard everything that was going on, and +was on more than one occasion amused by having repeated to me <a +name="page221"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 221</span>the special +cautions that were issued regarding me. The Deputy Governor +was no friend of mine; indeed I should be doing him an injustice +if I omitted to state that he disliked me as cordially as I did +him. He was of that pronounced military type associated in +my mind with the Fifth West Indian Regiment, and suggested the +idea of having been promoted from the adjutantcy of that +distinguished corps to a company in a non-purchase regiment +during the Cardwellite era. A switch, and an almost +brimless pot hat, worn on one side, completed the picture of this +typical sabreur. He apparently took a considerable interest +in my affairs, and frequently asked questions, and gave wholesome +advice to the turnkeys regarding their intercourse with me. +“Have nothing to do with that man” was the burthen of +his song, all of which was invariably repeated to me. His +duties assimilated very much with those of a garrison +Quarter-master, and he was supposed to poke about and discover +dirt in impossible places; occasionally, however, they resembled +those of a boatswain in H.M. navy; as, for example, at the +flogging of garrotters, and the birching of little boys, when he +counted the <a name="page222"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +222</span>strokes. I had to be careful of this individual, +for I am confident he had his suspicions about my little games; +but it was the old story of the ironclad charging the outrigger, +and with all the facilities at his disposal he was no match for +me in a matter of finesse. To such a state of perfection +had I now brought my arrangements, that everything of interest +was at once known to me; and the hanging of Dr. Lamson, Prince +Leopold’s wedding, and the bombardment of Alexandria, all +assisted in their turn to relieve the monotony of my +existence. Nor was my system confined to gloomy +Clerkenwell; but penetrated into the sanctity of the more +fashionable Belgravia; and conversations of peculiar interest to +me, that took place at table or in the privacy of the closet, and +that I had a motive for hearing, were repeated to me within a day +with a minuteness of detail that would astonish the +gossipers. This is no idle boast, as documents and dates in +my possession can and may testify. In short I was in +telephonic communication with the outer world (registered number +594). But a master hand was required to keep this huge +machinery in order, which, no sooner was it removed, than it +crumbled <a name="page223"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +223</span>to pieces. Within a week after my final +departure, papers began to be picked up, and a scientific +elaboration, incapable of detection, was degraded to the level +and shared the same fate as the commonest pickpocket’s +ruse. The moral that is to be gleaned from all this is: If +you wish a thing done <i>well</i>, do it yourself. I trust +the sequel to my departure above narrated may afford a melancholy +satisfaction to those interested, and convince them that no extra +precautions are necessary to prevent the repetition of these +innovations; the rules in force are amply sufficient for the +ordinary prisoner. But my constitution, suffering from this +severe strain, and assisted considerably by fever and ague, began +to give way, and led to a change in my everyday life. In +short I was ill, and admitted into hospital. As I ascended +the stairs that led from the worsted wards I had the consolation +of feeling I should not be forgotten. I had indeed left my +mark; I had crippled half the prison.</p> +<p>There are many abuses that might be changed with advantage, +and which I cannot do better than point out, in hopes that +somebody in authority will read, mark, and inwardly digest <a +name="page224"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 224</span>them. +On each cell door is a card setting forth your name, sentence, +and full particulars. This placarding of one’s name +is surely useless, as one is never called by it, and the only +object it appears to serve is to enable prisoners to discover all +about one another. My cell was once situated on the high +road to the chapel, and every malefactor <i>en route</i> to +worship made it his business to master my history. This +surely is unfair, and hardly contemplated by the +authorities. If it is absolutely essential that one’s +name is to be placarded, why not inside instead of outside the +door, as was the custom before the Government took over the +prisons?</p> +<p>Too much at present is left to the turnkeys. They are, +indeed, the channel of communication and the only official with +whom the ordinary prisoner comes in contact. The chief +warder deputes details to the principal warders of divisions, who +in their turn confide them to the warders of wards, who again +leave the carrying out to the turnkeys of flights. It is +not fair that so much should be left to these +assistants—which, despite any assertion to the contrary, is +the case—and who, though counting in their ranks many +highly respectable men, have also some desperate +rascals—vindictive, <a name="page225"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 225</span>deceitful, and utterly unfit for any +discretionary powers, and who would stick at no degree of +brutality if capable of being indulged in with impunity.</p> +<p>The use of the same baths by prisoners and men previous to +medical examination cannot be too strongly deprecated. That +a clean man should be compelled to risk contagion with one +suffering from itch or covered with vermin is as filthy as it is +disgraceful. With all the space at their disposal the +wonder is a swimming bath has never commended itself.</p> +<p>Every warder in charge of a ward has a prisoner allotted to +him, who performs such necessary duties as cleaning his office +and assisting him in his multifarious returns. These men +are generally selected from the clerk or tradesman class, and +have great facilities for knowing everything that passes through +the office. I have found, indeed, that they know and hear a +great deal too much.</p> +<p>Thus a descriptive return containing every particular about +one from one’s youth up, and supposed to be a confidential +document, is carefully studied by these cleaners, and facts +likely to be of general interest—especially about +“celebrities”—go <a name="page226"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 226</span>the round of the prison. These +documents should either <i>not</i> be in the warders’ +charge, or if so, should be carefully locked up. In my +opinion they would be more appropriately assigned to the care of +the principal warders of divisions. These cleaners, if +dishonestly or greedily inclined, appropriate considerably more +than their share of the daily rations. In one ward I +seldom, or ever, got my supply of Monday bacon, which had either +been filched or bitten in half; and as the original supply does +not exceed the proportions of a postage stamp, it can ill afford +this wholesale reduction.</p> +<p>I cannot leave the subject of “warders” without +bearing my testimony to their excellency as a class—I +specially refer to those in charge of wards, and not to their +washerwomen and plumbers and glaziers +<i>confrères</i>. The multiplicity of returns they +have to render daily, the alterations, however trivial, that are +constantly occurring and have to be noted, and the serious +consequences attending the slightest error or omission, all +combine to make their duties and responsibilities more arduous +than any class of men I have seen. Their pay for this, +moreover, is so small—29s. a week, with a gradual <a +name="page227"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +227</span>rise—that many otherwise excellent men shrink +from accepting promotion. The colour-sergeants of the army +might learn a lesson from these warders, and if the +“descriptive return” in use, and which supplies every +information, was substituted for the ponderous ledgers, small +books, defaulter sheets, etc., as used in the army, it would come +like the Waverley pen—</p> +<blockquote><p>As a blessing and boon to sergeants and men.</p> +</blockquote> +<h2><a name="page228"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +228</span>CHAPTER XIX.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">“THE CONVALESCENT +WARD.”</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">On</span> my admission into hospital I was +at first sent to the convalescent ward, a huge room devoted to +light and unpronounced cases. It accommodates 40 patients, +and the entire furniture may be roughly estimated as consisting +of 40 beds, 40 tables, 40 chairs, one shovel and tongs, and one +thermometer. The beds are ranged round the entire room, the +tables and chairs a yard apart forming two rows down the centre; +the thermometer is suspended from a beam, the shovel is chained +to one fire-place, and the tongs to the other. A high desk +and a still higher stool complete the furniture of this singular +room. The fixtures are of a more unique kind; at one end +are the cabinets, at the other the lavatories. These are +simply boarded partitions, extending only about three feet from +the ground—so constructed <a name="page229"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 229</span>as to make it absolutely impossible +to conceal more than one-third of the body, however engaged; thus +admirably adapted for observation, but utterly regardless of +privacy or decency, and revolting in their proximity to a room +devoted to convalescents. Along the walls here and there +are chains hanging. These are the alarm bells for +communicating with the outer yard in case of fire, mutiny, or +other emergency. At each corner are the padded +cells—grim, sombre constructions—admirably adapted +for deadening sound, and fitted with every appliance for the +restraint of violent and demented criminals. The proximity +of these cells is very awful, and the shrieks that occasionally +emanate from them, and the sights I have seen, would have filled +me with horror six months previously. The treatment of +convalescents is as original as can well be conceived. The +day is mapped out into the following portions, which are observed +with a punctuality seldom attained except by +chronometers:—</p> +<table> +<tr> +<td><p>6 <span class="GutSmall">A.M.</span></p> +</td> +<td><p>Rise, and roll up your bed.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>6.30 ,,</p> +</td> +<td><p>Breakfast.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>11 ,,</p> +</td> +<td><p>Visit by surgeon.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>12 (noon)</p> +</td> +<td><p>Dinner.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><a name="page230"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 230</span>3 +to 4 <span class="GutSmall">P.M.</span></p> +</td> +<td><p>Exercise.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>5 ,,</p> +</td> +<td><p>Supper.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>6 ,,</p> +</td> +<td><p>Bed.</p> +</td> +</tr> +</table> +<p>The dietary is the simple prison fare, although many (I +amongst others) are on what is known as ordinary +diet—<i>i.e.</i>, cocoa, mutton broth, and a chop—and +others on low diet, consisting of tea, bread-and-butter, +beef-tea, rice pudding, etc. Discipline is little or +nothing relaxed here; indeed the general system is evidently +based on what is considered applicable to confirmed patients not +suffering from any acute disease, and lunatics real and +pretended. Shortly after rising a shout of +“Physic!” causes a rush to get the first pull at +one’s respective medicines; and as the same mug does duty +for everything, and as time is an object, it has been found that +a dose of hop mixture is not improved if augmented by the dregs +of the black draught left by one’s predecessor. Being +always up and washed whilst my brother-reprobates were still +dozing, I was invariably the first to benefit by a clean mug, and +devoted the next few minutes to watching the frowsy cluster of +depravity, half dressed, half awake, and just out of bed, drink +or throw away their doses as opportunity permitted. <a +name="page231"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 231</span>Although +strictly prohibited, many of these wretches usually turned in +with their stockings on, and in some instances with their +trowsers; and on rising, having previously assumed boots and +vest, proceeded to wash. I minutely watched this ceremony, +and seldom detected the slightest desire to do more than make +clean the extreme outer rim of their cups and platters, +extending—humanly speaking—from the hand to the +elbow, and from the chin to the ear. Although in many +respects preferable to the prison proper, this convalescent ward +was one of the severest ordeals I had to undergo. I would +not have missed it for the world, nevertheless, to sleep, live, +move, and have one’s being amongst thirty or forty +pickpockets, idiots, burglars, and lunatics, implies an +experience that baffles description. At 6.30 the advent of +two wash-tubs, containing respectively cocoa and gruel, announces +breakfast, which, being carefully measured into tins, is consumed +in an incredibly short time, and devoured with the voracity never +to be seen except in menageries or prisons. It must be +remembered that the room contains specimens of some of the +sharpest pickpockets in London, and experts at every dodge <a +name="page232"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 232</span>for the +deceiving of their fellows, compelled by circumstances to be +huddled together, and relieved from the isolation of separate +cells that makes them comparatively powerless for mischief. +It cannot be wondered at, then, that the rules require, if +anything, to be more stringent; but all the vigilance of the +sharpest warder is powerless, and no two eyes capable of seeing +or preventing the wholesale exchange of food that now +begins. If the warder is looking this way, a loaf will +change hands for a mug of gruel in the twinkling of an eye; if he +suddenly turns round, advantage is taken of it to swap something +on the other side; and at dinner hour especially, I have seen +bread, potatoes, and lumps of meat flying about with a rapidity, +precision of aim, and a profound silence, only disturbed by the +“flop, flop,” as they reached the various hands, that +would have done credit to the most expert Oriental-Whitechapel +juggler. After breakfast everyone is supposed to remain at +his table without interruption the entire day, except during +exercise, and time is only to be beguiled by reading such +wholesome literature as “The Converted Burglar, and how he +did it,” as the chaplain may be graciously pleased to +supply. At the side <a name="page233"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 233</span>of each table is considerately +placed a handful of fibre, which is purely optional whether +picked or no. I attribute its presence indeed to the +association that invariably exists in official minds between +hospitals, chapels, and mortuaries, and only capable of being +dealt with on the principle that a certain old gentleman +“finds some mischief still for convalescent hands to +do.”</p> +<p>Happily no one really is ill in the convalescent ward (he +would then be removed to the hospital), or it would be absolutely +impossible to bear the incessant fuss from officials and filth +from the prisoners that never cease day or night. Not +twenty minutes elapse during the twenty-four hours that someone +is not passing through; and as every approach is barricaded and +double locked, the rattle of keys, the hobnailed boots of head +warders pounding over the floor, and the shouting and yelling, +and the necessity of “sitting up” to your table as +they pass through, make it almost unbearable for even a +convalescent. In addition to this is the absolute necessity +of keeping one’s eye on one’s next-tabled +neighbour. If you turn round during a meal, a piece of food +disappears, and any trifle you may happen to possess cannot <a +name="page234"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 234</span>be +considered your own from one moment to another. I had a +worsted needle that I prized considerably; it fulfilled the +duties of a toothpick, and had been my constant companion and +comforter for weeks. It was, indeed, my most cherished +possession. I usually kept it inside my cap, and my cap +outside my head; here at least it was safe, but one day, in a fit +of absence, I crossed over the room. On my return I +discovered that my cap had been rifled and the needle gone.</p> +<p>An old man (though only one of many) added considerably to my +burthen. He took a great fancy to me—or my +food—and seldom lost a chance of persecuting me. He +was never without a pocket-handkerchief stuffed full of crusts, +chop bones, suet pudding, or any garbage he could find, firmly +clutched by day, and placed under his pillow at night. He +was by way of being a gentleman, and said, with some degree of +truth, that he was a general officer (he was at present +undergoing three months’ retirement for stealing a +sovereign from a sixpenny lodging-house keeper). He +approached one with the blandest smile, hoped you were not +seriously ill, and asked how your appetite was. This, +indeed, was the burthen of <a name="page235"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 235</span>his song:—If you told him it +was bad, he begged you to kindly reserve your fragments for him; +if you said it was good, he stole what he could. The result +was consequently the same; and so to get rid of him I promised to +help him when I could. This nasty old man slept two beds +from me, and often during the night, “when everything was +still,” I have watched him unpack his treasure, and, +selecting certain of the stalest pieces for immediate use, +carefully tie up and restore the bundle to beneath his pillow or +mattress.</p> +<p>This hoarding and stealing of food was by no means confined to +the “General”; it was, indeed, so much in vogue that +periodical raids were made on the beds, and even inside the +shirts men were wearing, which invariably resulted in the +exhumation of sundry delicacies. So strong was the ruling +passion that one wretch with half a lung, who was allowed extras +which he never consumed, rather than part with a crumb, would +hide chops and even rice pudding in his pocket-handkerchief and +towel, or secrete them in his bedding or about his person.</p> +<p>That food was a drug in the market may be reasonably assumed; +and if further proof was <a name="page236"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 236</span>wanting, the reckless waste that +took place after meals would amply provide it. The supplies +of soup, porridge, cocoa, and gruel were invariably in excess of +the regulation personal allowance. Discipline, however, +demanded that so much and no more should be given to each man; +and I have seen gallons of capital soup and cocoa thrown down the +sink daily that many a starving wretch outside would gratefully +have devoured. I do not blame the hospital warders for this +custom so much as the kitchen officials for either sending too +much or adding too much water, for experience had taught them +that it was equally dangerous to give more or less than the +regulation allowance, and that they would probably be reported by +one thief, if another thief got more than himself; and it was a +common occurrence for vagrants who had never heard of arrowroot +before coming to Coldbath to complain of the thinness of their +nightly allowance as “unfit to be eaten.” I +once suggested to the head hospital warder (but my proposal was +never carried out) that the staple food of discontented vagrant +invalids should be treacle and brimstone, and that if they +complained of their diet, the treacle should be omitted by way of +variety.</p> +<p><a name="page237"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 237</span>I +don’t know what is the annual expense of food, fuel, and +gas in the various prisons, but I confidently assert that an +immense saving would result if the coal at present issued <i>ad +lib.</i> for the use of the warders was as carefully weighed as +the prisoners’ various allowances. These turnkeys, +whose supply of coal at home is probably limited to half a +hundred a week, cannot here do without fires banked up a foot +high night and day in the various corridors; and I have often +been awakened in various parts of the prison by the shovelling +and piling on of coals on even temperate nights. I should +like no better billet than to be appointed contractor for the +coal and potatoes used and wasted in Her Majesty’s +prisons.</p> +<p>Another means of keeping down the present excessive expenses +connected with prisoners’ keep and warders’ coals +would be the adoption of the sensible course pursued in France, +whereby the clothes of murdered men and the instruments with +which the murders have been committed, if not claimed within +three months, are sold by public auction. This might be +supplemented by the sale of the articles found in cabs and +elsewhere, often comprising objects of considerable value, and at +<a name="page238"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 238</span>present +taken to Scotland Yard and never claimed. It will possibly +be urged that all this would be opposed to English tastes and +ideas; and yet it is an incontrovertible fact that the principal +purchasers at these “art” sales in Paris are English +and Americans, that the price of articles which have belonged to +notorious criminals generally rules very high, and that the +ghastly relics for the most part find their way to England.</p> +<p>Exercise was a most ridiculous ceremony; the tables were +pushed back, and everyone proceeded round and round in two +rings. A scene I once saw at some theatre, representing the +“casual ward” of a workhouse, more nearly resembles +it than anything I can think of.</p> +<p>Amongst my numerous companions in this delectable sport was a +celebrated pickpocket; who was good enough on my invitation to +show me “how it’s done.” My request, +indeed, appeared to flatter his vanity so much that on more than +one occasion, when I was not thinking of his particular talent, +he has removed my pocket-handkerchief, and politely returned it +as if pretending to pick it up. I once saw him bring his +science to bear on a thoughtless warder, who, through ignorance +<a name="page239"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 239</span>probably +of his special talent, had asked him to brush him down. A +wink from the thief drew my attention to his movements, and I +watched him with profound interest. For some seconds he +confined himself to the legitimate brushing, but as he worked +round and the arm of his victim was slightly raised, with the +unemployed hand he deliberately opened the warder’s pouch, +took out a piece of tobacco, and then quietly re-buttoned it; +with another smudge of the brush and “I think that’ll +do, sir,” he resumed his place. I wouldn’t have +betrayed him for the world; indeed, I gave him some bread for the +exhibition.</p> +<p>It was pretty generally known that I was very green, and that +I was anxious to see everything; indeed, I never lost an +opportunity of conversing with everyone capable of telling me an +adventure; so that one way and another I heard a lot, much of +which I shall hereafter narrate.</p> +<p>Another oddity with whom I was associated was a +kleptomaniac. Nothing was safe from him, and his eye was as +quick as his hand. He might be seen at all hours sneaking +about, thrusting his arm between mattresses and occasionally into +people’s pockets. He was undergoing two years’ +<a name="page240"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +240</span>imprisonment for stealing <i>two ounces of +tobacco</i>. So impossible was it for him to keep his hands +from picking and stealing that it was frequently necessary to +lock him into a separate cell for weeks at a time, only to be +released after piteous appeals and promises not to offend again, +which were invariably broken on the first opportunity. He +was as nimble as a cat, and occasionally gave an acrobatic +performance on the sly. The poor wretch was admittedly an +imbecile, and it seems inexplicable how he ever incurred the +punishment he received, though he was probably happier at +Coldbath than he was ever likely to be elsewhere. One day +he could not be found, and after the hue-and-cry had been raised +and the prison and grounds scoured, he was found concealed in a +tank on a portion of the roof. What he could have wanted +there is beyond comprehension, for he dreaded the water and never +washed unless compelled.</p> +<p>I’ve heard a great deal of prisoners escaping, and from +the penal establishments it is unquestionably practicable. +At a prison conducted, however, on the Coldbath Fields’ +principle such an idea is simply absurd. I do not refer to +the impediments of locks and doors so much as to the full blaze +of light system <a name="page241"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +241</span>along the corridors. The constant countings, too, +and patrols night and day would at once discover the truant, to +say nothing of the 20-feet wall that surrounds the +building. I have occasionally read descriptions of escapes +from the Bastille, where prisoners with a yard of rope, a spare +shirt, and an oyster knife, have burrowed and scaled and got +clean off. I am not in a position to dispute these +assertions, but I will willingly undertake to provide the most +expert acrobat with a sack full of ropes, crowbars, and linen, +<i>in</i> his cell, and stake my existence that he does not +proceed five feet beyond his premises without detection. +The escape of a notorious burglar from Millbank Convict Prison +last year gave rise at the time to considerable discussion +amongst the officials at Coldbath Fields. That a man should +be able to break through the roof of a cell during the early +hours of morning without creating a disturbance seems incredible, +and had the corridors had the same acoustic properties as those +at Coldbath, would have been simply impossible without +collusion.</p> +<p style="text-align: center"> +<a href="images/p241.jpg"> +<img alt= +"Counting" +title= +"Counting" +src="images/p241.jpg" /> +</a></p> +<p>So extraordinarily is sound conveyed in these vast and barren +tunnels that every word spoken during the night at the other end +of the passage is distinctly audible, <a name="page242"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 242</span>whereas conversation close by is +almost unintelligible, so great is the echo. I think Mr. +Burglar Lovell may congratulate himself that he had not been +relegated to Coldbath Fields, for he would most assuredly have +derived less benefit there from his sixty feet of rope than he +appears to have done at Millbank. A prisoner attempting to +escape forfeits all the time he may have completed of his +sentence—a sufficient deterrent for a sane man! A +very disgusting adjunct to the convalescent ward is “Itch +Bay,” and though comparatively distinct, is actually next +door, and leads from it. It is devoted to those filthy +creatures who, on admission, are found to abound in vermin, or +who, after months in prison—as can be verified—have +caught the disease (according to my theory) by using the +universal bath. The treatment of this complaint can hardly +be said to be a pleasant, although undoubtedly a very effectual +one. A man is taken to “the bay,” made to strip +off all his clothes, put into a separate cell, and smeared with a +thick coating of mercurial ointment, and left to soak for three +days at least, and often longer. His bedding may best be +described as an ointment mattress, with “blankets to +match,” so saturated is everything in this fearful <a +name="page243"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 243</span>quarter, +the stench from which pervades the passage, and works into the +convalescent ward. I used almost daily to see these +loathsome objects, either before admission or after three +days’ retirement, and it is difficult to say which is the +most revolting. On admission, and previous to treatment, I +have seen three or four of these unclean things waiting to be +admitted. During this time—often an hour and +more—they sit in the convalescent ward, use the furniture, +and circulate with the others. This surely is wrong, and +may justly be laid to the charge of negligent warders! On +leaving they are again taken through the ward, devoid of all +covering but the saturated blanket, and conducted to a +bath. This bath is a fixture in the hospital kitchen. +<span class="smcap">Yes</span>, the <i>itch bath</i> in the +principal prison of civilized London <i>is in the hospital +kitchen</i>! I have seen these social pariahs splashing +about within a few feet of the kitchen fire, whilst a rice +pudding was being made—an appetizing accompaniment to the +preparation of human food. This gross outrage on +cleanliness must fairly be charged to the Home Office people; and +as the kitchen is situated in the main thoroughfare, and passed +through almost daily by visiting justices or prison +commissioners, it is <a name="page244"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 244</span>clearly no official’s business +to point it out—and if a surgeon represented it he would +probably be told to mind his own business. This is in +conformity with prison usage, and anyone mentioning, or taking +apparent interest in a trifle not actually connected with his +special department, is at once suspected of some sinister +motive. I have heard officials regret this disgusting +institution, and their inability to remedy it.</p> +<p>I have more horrors connected with this kitchen to mention +when I describe the hospital, and hope some one whose business it +is will redress this crying shame. As a set-off to the many +discomforts attending the convalescent ward, were the facilities +it offered for the uninterrupted working of the telephone, and so +multifarious were the opportunities, and so utterly impossible +detection, that I omitted the commonest precautions as absolutely +superfluous. My favourite time for correspondence was +between two and four in the morning. I noticed that nature +usually asserted itself on turnkey humanity, and that the most +watchful became drowsy about this time. It must be +remembered that a night warder is in the room all night, and that +the gas, though turned down, is alight. <a +name="page245"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 245</span>I +frequently wrote for two hours at a time, and as my bed was next +the fire-place I had the advantage of poking it into a blaze as +circumstances required. I often wondered whether these +watch-dogs were really dozing. That they had not the +faintest suspicion I am confident; the very possibility of such +coolness may possibly have disarmed them, for I have written for +hours under their very noses. One night I had a +considerable scare. I had been carried away by the interest +of my letter, and whether I had thought aloud and some word had +escaped me I cannot say, but on peeping round the mantelpiece I +saw one of the most ferocious of the tribe—who was on duty +that night—leaning forward and peering in my +direction. His eyes glistened like a cheetah’s as he +cautiously approached the fire-place—the mantelpiece and +one bed alone separated our respective positions, the rattle of a +paper, or a hurried motion, would have been fatal; so, proceeding +to mutter in my sleep, I slid my arm over a very damning +pile. For some moments he stood intently watching me, and +then happily began to poke the fire. Had he delayed much +longer I should inevitably have betrayed myself; as it was, the +noise “justified” my being <a +name="page246"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 246</span>disturbed, +and I rolled round, “papers under,” as +<i>Bell’s Life</i> would once have described a pugilistic +round. The danger was now past, but I had quite determined, +if he had asked me any unpleasant questions, to have made a dash +at the fire-place and destroyed the evidence. There is a +curious invention that exists in various parts of the +prison. Detector-clocks are intended to show that a warder +must have been alert every half-hour, by being required to press +down a pin. This pin is so constructed that it cannot be +let down except at the exact time, or unless the clock is +unlocked. These various clocks undergo a minute inspection +the following morning, and if all the pins are not down the +delinquent is fined a shilling, or even more, for each +omission. I could tell some curious stories about these +detector clocks, but their narration might be interpreted as +pointing in directions I have no intention of indicating. I +may, however, without compromising anyone, state that if the +authorities conceive they are aware of the exact number of keys +that open these clocks, they are considerably out of their +reckoning.</p> +<p>“My eye, old man,” I one morning said to an +acquaintance, “you’ve missed two or three +pins.”</p> +<p><a name="page247"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +247</span>“Never mind,” he replied; “I’ve +got a pal outside that’ll make it all right before +I’m relieved.”</p> +<p>At 6.30, when my friend was, I hope, comfortably in bed, I saw +the Detector inspected and found “correct.”</p> +<p>On one occasion a friend kindly supplemented the rubbishy +literature provided by the chaplain by lending me to read the +book of “Rules for the Guidance of Warders and +Assistant-Warders.” They can hardly be said to be as +interesting as those lately published by Howard Vincent for the +guidance of the police, although, situated as I was, they were to +me vastly more important. I had intended to have produced +them verbatim, but they are not of sufficient general +interest. They, however, deal with the various duties of +warders in that absurd style which attempts to impress on them +the responsibility and general respectability of what, if carried +out in its integrity, is a contemptible system of espionage.</p> +<h2><a name="page248"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +248</span>CHAPTER XX.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">CRIMINAL LUNATICS.</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">In</span> one of the padded cells was a +dangerous lunatic. For weeks and months he had kept up an +incessant conversation with himself, occasionally diversified by +shrieks and yells. At first it was believed the man was +shamming, and he was taken before the visiting justices and +sentenced to be flogged, but this usually infallible cure had not +the desired effect. Clothes were converted into rags in an +incredibly short space of time. He was handcuffed in front, +and still they were destroyed. He was handcuffed behind +with the same result. On his door being opened he would be +found naked, the handcuffs on the floor, and his clothes in +shreds. Canvas sacks, with slits for the head and hands, +were suggested, and, first clothed, then handcuffed with his +hands behind him, and finally covered with the huge sack, he was +again <a name="page249"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +249</span>consigned to the cell. The same result, however, +invariably followed, and the kind-hearted doctor, despairing of +cure, and though inwardly convinced it was an artfully contrived +sham, yet loth to persist in the stringent remedies that alone +were effectual, gave him the benefit of the doubt, and consigned +him to the Criminal Lunatic Asylum at Hanwell. I have +frequently seen this maniac fed. His door was opened and he +was brought out, and, half-naked and handcuffed, bleared, filthy, +and bleeding from self-inflicted injuries, with dishevelled hair, +and glaring like a panther, this wild beast in human form would +open his mouth, and gruel and bread be shovelled in +bounteously. Attempts would occasionally be made to induce +him to wash, but at best they were qualified successes, and the +assistance of four or five turnkeys had eventually to be resorted +to. It was impossible to believe this being was sane and +capable of keeping up the deception for such a time. Sleep +was out of the question, for night was made hideous by the +muffled shouts and blasphemies that forced themselves through the +padded cell. But a reprieve at length came, and it was with +a sense of relief that I one morning saw him taken <a +name="page250"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 250</span>off to +Hanwell. The lull, however, was not of long duration; and +he was eventually sent back as “cured.” The +cure showed itself in a curious way. On finding himself +again in his old quarters, and smarting under a pretended sense +of breach of faith, he raved that the doctor at Hanwell had +promised to release him if he withdrew his claim to the crown of +Ireland. And now a reign of terror began in earnest, and +shouting for Parnell, his secretary, the Empress Eugenie, and Old +Ireland, he raved and roared day and night. How human +nature could bear such a strain appeared marvellous. One +night all was calm. “Thank goodness!” I +thought, “he’s collapsed.” Had he? +The wish, alas! was father to the thought, and the lull was only +the precursor of the storm. Whilst we were sleeping the +maniac was maturing his plans, and a shout of “Fire!” +one night reminded us of his proximity. Smoke was now +issuing from the padded cell. To draw back the ponderous +bolts was the work of a second. To distinguish anything was +absolutely impossible. Blinding smoke filled the cell, and +as it poured out a terrible sight presented itself. On the +floor was the charred mattress, the horse-hair alight, and the <a +name="page251"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 251</span>plank bed +smouldering, and peacefully lying beside it was the madman. +The first idea was that he was dead, but the smoke that would +have killed a sane man had but temporarily stupefied him. +In an instant he was on his feet, and, his arms being free, made +a desperate attack with pieces of glass on the two men who had +humanely approached him. Further help was now sent for, +during which time he kicked, struck, and bit everything within +reach, and it required sixteen men to secure and remove this wild +beast in human form. The extent of his mischief now made +itself apparent. How he had removed the handcuffs remains a +mystery, but with the cunning and dexterity only to be found in +maniacs, he had succeeded in reaching the gas, which, situated +ten feet from the ground, and protected by a strong glass, must +have taxed his ingenuity, not only to reach, but eventually to +open, and yet this had been done so quietly that forty men and a +watchful warder in the adjoining room heard nothing. With +the fire now at his disposal, he had burnt the straps that were +lashed round his body to secure the sack, but finding the effect +not sufficiently expeditious, had proceeded to pull out the <a +name="page252"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +252</span>bed-stuffing, and lying down naked, bruised, and +bleeding, beside the smouldering mass, calmly awaited the +conflagration that was to free him. The cell presented an +extraordinary appearance. On the floor were broken glass, +burning wood, and his clothes torn to shreds; here the handcuffs, +there the charred straps: the walls were smeared with filth and +dabbed with porridge; the plank bed was torn up, and plaster and +brickwork removed: a terrible wreck, an incredible performance, +and all the work of two hands, handcuffed behind and strapped, +and surrounded by every precaution that official ingenuity could +suggest.</p> +<p>This final escapade materially assisted the magisterial +finding as to the extent of the maniac’s +“cure,” and he was again consigned to Hanwell.</p> +<p>Another lunatic of a different type was an inmate of the +convalescent ward, a harmless, inoffensive creature, that had +been flogged out of his senses. His physique proclaimed him +incapable of doing bodily harm to a calf. He was not more +than five feet high, with a fore-arm like a robin’s thigh, +and the receding forehead, sunken eye, and conical skull +associated with imbecility; <a name="page253"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 253</span>but he had once +“threatened” a warder, a hulking, round-shouldered +old woman, that might have squeezed the life out of him without +turning a hair, and discipline demanded he should be reported, +and the visiting justices sentenced him to be flogged. From +that day he never spoke, and would sit for hours without moving; +suddenly he would break out into an immoderate fit of laughter, +to be immediately followed by a paroxysm of grief, and, laying +his head on the table, would sob like a child. Nothing +appeared likely to restore his naturally limited intellect, and +the country will be at the expense of keeping this +“dangerous criminal” for another twelvemonth, who +would be infinitely more at home at Earlswood Asylum for +Idiots. A perfect child occupied another of these hospital +cells, an incorrigible young scamp of about fourteen, that +nothing seemed capable of taming. Everything within reach +he proceeded to destroy, and clothes supplied him in the morning +were in shreds at night. He, too, was constantly +handcuffed; he refused to eat, and for a week nothing passed his +lips. One day, on his door being opened, he was found +suspended by a bed-strap from the bell-handle: <a +name="page254"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 254</span>another +second, and life would have been extinct. For this he was +taken before the visiting justices and birched. It had, +however, no deterrent effect, and up to the time of his release +he remained the same incorrigible young ruffian. There is +no hope for such a lad; his future is bound to be a repetition of +many instances I saw amongst the adults, who had commenced a +career of crime with birchings, followed by three and five years +in a reformatory, and ending with imprisonment and eventually +penal servitude. Another companion that was the source of +occasional anxiety, had been an inmate of a lunatic asylum, and +though usually quiet, was subject to extraordinary fits. +The first intimation of one coming on was a demoniacal groan, and +in an incredibly short time a space was cleared round him. +It had been found, indeed, that nothing could arrest the first +paroxysm, and on the “band beginning to play,” a +stampede invariably ensued: and not without cause, for everything +within reach became an instant wreck, and tables, chairs, books, +and (when procurable) arms and noses, were ruthlessly attacked by +hands, feet, and teeth. When comparatively restored it took +six or eight men to <a name="page255"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 255</span>remove him into a cell, and the only +thing that appeared to rouse him was the presence of the +priest. So efficacious was this remedy that when everything +else failed, the Roman Catholic chaplain was invariably sent for, +and in a moment oil appeared to be thrown on the troubled waters, +and the maniac arose subdued, and clothed in his right +mind. Here was a religion that appeared to appeal to the +feelings, and to produce results never attained by brow-beating +and personality—a lesson to be laid to heart, and worthy of +imitation, though in the quarter it was most needed it was, I +fear, utterly thrown away. Personally this influence did +not surprise me, for though debarred, by being a Protestant, from +coming into actual contact with the priest, I was considerably +struck, and almost fascinated, by the kind smile and friendly +salutation he had for all his co-religionists. An Italian +by nationality, with all the refinement of manner habitual to his +countrymen, this polished gentleman was a pronounced contrast to +the fire-and-brimstone snob occasionally met with in the +“Established” ranks.</p> +<h2><a name="page256"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +256</span>CHAPTER XXI.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">PRISON CELEBRITIES.</span></h2> +<p>I <span class="smcap">was</span> surprised at the number of +respectable men—such as solicitors, an ex-officer of +Guards, a bank manager, a man of title, stockbrokers, cashiers, +ex-officers of the army and navy, clerks, clergymen, +etc.—in Coldbath Fields. Some of these had quite lost +(supposing they ever had any) their pristine semblance of +respectability; others, again, retained the appearance of persons +of education, and spoke and deported themselves as such. A +lamentable instance of the fatal effect of associating with the +scum, and the ease with which a young man of good position can +acquire the style and appearance of a vagrant, was exemplified in +young B—. He was not more than 25 or 26, had been a +subaltern in the — Guards, and came, moreover, of a good +county stock; and yet in six short months he had so far +degenerated as <a name="page257"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +257</span>to be punished on the day his sentence expired for +stealing a loaf from a fellow prisoner.</p> +<p>A worthy old man with grey hair and venerable appearance, and +who might have passed for the chairman of a board of directors, +appeared every morning at mine and other cells in the passage +with a dust-pan, and with methodical precision removed the +sweepings. He told me he had been a solicitor with a large +connection, with chambers in — Street, and had a wife and +grown-up family in a comfortable house in a well-known +suburb. His imprisonment was perceptibly telling on him, +and his hair and beard grew whiter every day.</p> +<p>A bustling, business-like man, one day attracted my +attention. He was connected with the stores, and brought me +a new pair of boots. He had been the manager of a London +bank, and undergoing retirement for six months for some error +regarding the ownership of £300.</p> +<p>A tall, smart-looking man that was pointed out to me, was, I +was informed, an individual who attained notoriety some two years +ago over a mining scheme. He was suffering two years’ +incarceration for a miscalculation of over £7000.</p> +<p>A man who called himself Count H—, and an <a +name="page258"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 258</span>ex-convict +to boot, was languishing for a year, because certain noblemen had +had the bad taste to object to his having obtained money from +them by false pretences. This nobleman! had a mania for +petitioning the Home Office (I will give a specimen of his style +hereafter).</p> +<p>In addition to these, numerous individuals who had been +gentlemen in their day were known to me by sight. +Conspicuous amongst them, was an old jail bird and ex-convict, +who had 20 years ago been a captain in the army, and ever since +had existed (and still is) in prison, for terms of seven, five, +five, two, and one years. All the starch had been +thoroughly wrung out of him, though he occasionally stood on a +dilapidated kind of dignity. I once asked him where a +friend of his had gone. He replied, “I don’t +know; we don’t speak now; he’s no gentleman. +Will you believe it, he had the impertinence to doubt my +word.” As his word had been doubted a good many times +during the past 20 years, I was considerably amused by this +assumption of dignity.</p> +<p>Many prisoners are under the impression that they have only to +petition the Home Office to procure a remission of their +sentence. It seems <a name="page259"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 259</span>perfectly immaterial to them, +whether they have the slightest grounds for this assumption or +not, and it frequently happens that, instead of mitigating their +offence, they put matters in a more unfavourable light by airing +their grievances, whilst others make a rambling statement +referring to every subject but the one particularly concerning +themselves.</p> +<p>Count H— was a specimen of this class. He was +undergoing a well-merited 12 months’ imprisonment for +defrauding the Dukes of S— and M— and other noblemen +of sums of money, by representing himself as the son of some +individual, which he certainly was not. It is, of course, +possible that he may (to use a vulgar expression) have been +“changed at nuss,” though the fact that he had +previously undergone five years’ penal servitude for a +similar offence minimizes the probability that he was acting +under a misapprehension. The Count! had no sooner taken up +his quarters than he expressed a desire to petition the Home +Secretary. A “form” being supplied him, which +he retained four days, eventually reappeared so blurred and +smeared with blots and erasures that its transmission was +impossible. <a name="page260"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +260</span>A second attempt was more successful, and the following +exhaustive specimen of penmanship and veracity struggled up to +the Home Office, and eventually struggled back:—“That +your petitioner, on being discharged from Pentonville Convict +Prison, at the expiration of five years’ penal servitude, +found that certain moneys and property, valued at several hundred +pounds, had been stolen by his agent, who collected his rent on +his estates in Italy; that being at that time without funds to go +abroad, he had written to the Duke of S— and Duke of +M— and others, asking for a loan until he received his +rents. That his father really was Count H— and a +friend of these noblemen, and that the charge of false pretences +was consequently incorrect. That he had held diplomatic +appointments, and been decorated for gallant service, and that he +possesses a coronet with S.P.Q.R., all of which clearly proves +his identity. In conclusion, your petitioner appeals to you +with confidence as a lawyer of renown, and a scion of the noble +house of Vernon.—Signed, H—.”</p> +<p>I have corrected “the Count’s” spelling as +far as possible; the logic and composition were, however, past +redemption. The rogue evidently knew the <a +name="page261"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 261</span>Home +Secretary’s claim to “Royal descent,” as +delicately hinted at in the concluding paragraph.</p> +<p>Another individual petitioned against his hair and beard being +cut, on religious grounds, and quoted the Law of Moses as +forbidding these formalities. This specimen did not, I +believe, leave the establishment.</p> +<p>I was frequently struck by the vast difference in the +sentences awarded in what appeared to me to be parallel cases, +and tried in vain to discover any system that might be supposed +to regulate them. It cannot be denied that a great +difference of opinion exists apparently amongst judges on the +subject of crimes and their punishment, and that whereas one +judge will administer justice with harshness, another will attain +the same desirable end with a regard to humanity. With +these respective characteristics, the criminal classes are +thoroughly conversant, and it would astonish the Bench if they +heard how accurately their respective peculiarities are summed +up. Thus one judge is credited with being very severe on +conspiracy and long firm cases, whilst another is supposed to be +“down” on burglars, whilst it is generally conceded +that a plea of guilty will invariably fare <a +name="page262"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 262</span>better than +one of not guilty. For my own part I fancied I had noticed +that conspiracy is considered the most serious offence, and that +two men conspiring to defraud another of £50 will run the +risk of a severer punishment than the individual who unaided +steals £500.</p> +<p>I will quote a few first offences which, apparently similar, +differ considerably as regards their sentences:—</p> +<p>(<i>a</i>) A solicitor for passing a forged cheque for +£18 that had been paid to him: 18 months’ +imprisonment with hard labour.</p> +<p>(<i>a</i>) A bank manager for appropriating £300: six +months’ imprisonment with hard labour.</p> +<p>(<i>b</i>) A wine merchant for complicity in a forged cheque, +£52: sentence, 18 months’ imprisonment with hard +labour.</p> +<p>(<i>b</i>) A commission agent for forging a £600 bill of +exchange: 12 months’ imprisonment with hard labour.</p> +<p>(<i>c</i>) A clerk (with twenty years’ good character +and recommended to mercy), for forging £50 and stealing +employer’s cheque: <a name="page263"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 263</span>sentence, twenty months’ +imprisonment with hard labour.</p> +<p>(<i>c</i>) A City man, for a fraudulent mining scheme and +forgery, whereby he obtained £7000: sentence, two +years’ imprisonment with hard labour.</p> +<p>(<i>d</i>) A shopman, for robbing his employer of £50: +sentence, three months’ imprisonment with hard labour.</p> +<p>(<i>d</i>) A beggar boy, for stealing 1s. 6d.: sentence, three +months’ imprisonment with hard labour.</p> +<p>There are men in Coldbath whose cards show upwards of seventy +previous convictions, varying from a year to seven days; nor is +it to be wondered at, considering the starvation that confronts +them outside and the comfort that is accorded them in +prison. One of these habitual vagrants on his periodical +appearance was usually accosted with an official joke, +“Same address, I suppose?” “Yes, +please,” was the invariable reply; “no change since +last time.”</p> +<p>One old man in the convalescent ward, suffering from +rheumatism and asthma, who was supplied with dainties he could +never have heard of before, <a name="page264"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 264</span>confessed to me that he should have +preferred six to the three months’ imprisonment he was +undergoing. Another old vagrant (a City man) told me that +he always made it a rule to sleep on a doorstep a day or so +before Christmas Day to insure the Christmas meal of a loaf of +bread, beef, pudding, and a pint of ale, stood by the Lord Mayor +to every prisoner in Newgate. He was bewailing the loss of +that charming residence, and telling me how, having foolishly +omitted to make himself acquainted with the change of system, had +subsisted last Christmas Day in “Coldbath” on dry +bread and stirabout.</p> +<p>Foreigners of every description find their way into Coldbath, +though the majority consists of Germans, mostly Jews. There +is an advantage in belonging to this faith, as I was led to +understand by a gourmand. It consists in receiving meat on +Mondays in lieu of the usual bacon and beans. +Circumstances, however, render the temporary embracing of this +faith more difficult than they do that of Romanism, which is much +in vogue; and as certain punishment would follow the certain +detection, Judaism has not as many followers as the Australian +meat would otherwise command.</p> +<p><a name="page265"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +265</span>Flogging is usually administered for insubordination +and malingering. For less serious offences the punishment +cells and short commons usually have the desired effect. +There are two descriptions of corporal punishment—the cat +and the birch, usually reserved for youths. In the former +case the culprit is lashed to a triangle; in the latter he is +hoisted on what is euphoniously called a donkey. As a +punishment, the cat, as applied in prisons, is not to be compared +to its defunct namesake in the army or navy. It is +sufficiently severe, however, to necessitate certain +after-treatment—an item in the programme regulated rather +by the “system” than humanity. A soldier was +invariably admitted into hospital after undergoing corporal +punishment; a prisoner is, however, flogged and then conducted to +his cell.</p> +<p>These floggings are usually administered in the forenoon in +presence of a surgeon, and before evening a zinc +plaster—perhaps two—is applied to the +recipient’s back. The performance takes place in a +room off the main passage, and is not unattended with a certain +amount of ceremony. The traffic is stopped, and no +particulars transpire but the howls of the victim, which can be +heard all <a name="page266"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +266</span>over the building. Since the abolition of +Newgate, Coldbath has risen in retributive importance, and +garrotters sentenced to the lash here receive their +punishment.</p> +<p>A one-legged garrotter was lately flogged; his leg, which had +been amputated at the thigh, prevented his being securely tied, +and his abortive struggles procured him a flogging infinitely +severer than ordinarily experienced. Every blow fell on a +different place, and the twenty lashes left twenty wheals, +breaking the skin in a dozen different places. Sympathy +with a garrotter would be out of place, and no one can doubt that +he richly deserved his punishment; yet one’s bowels of +compassion are instinctively moved by the description given to me +by an eye-witness, of a lump of bleeding humanity alone and +sobbing in a cell, and receiving at five in the afternoon a zinc +plaster to apply to the back that had been torn and lacerated in +the morning.</p> +<p>This treatment in no way reflects on the prison officials, who +simply carry out the regulations; it is the system that is to +blame, and is capable, like the dispensation of justice before +described, of considerable improvement on the score of +humanity.</p> +<p><a name="page267"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +267</span>Floggings and birchings appear to have no effect on +these hardened criminals, and though they shriek and bellow +during the infliction, they invariably revert to the same +offence, and qualify for a second edition. Shamming madness +is a favourite form of malingering indulged in by +prisoners. The uneducated mind, however, invariably resorts +to the same tactics—a combination between the symptoms of +idiocy and hydrophobia that generally fails in its objects, and +invariably yields to treatment by the cat.</p> +<p>The boys that find their way into Coldbath are the most +hardened young scamps I ever saw. They are supposed to be +isolated, as required by recent agitation on the subject of +juvenile offenders. That the isolation is a farce need +hardly be said. At chapel they certainly occupy benches to +themselves, but so do the various wards and trades; the tasks +they are put to are similar to those done by adults; and the +pains and penalties they undergo are identical in time and +circumstance to those of the full-blown criminal. I have +seen these urchins on arrival, with their knuckles in their eyes, +blubbering in chapel, and a week later winking and making signs +as if determined to assert their <a name="page268"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 268</span>qualification to be clothed and +treated like their adult fellow-prisoners.</p> +<p>Tearing up their clothes is the favourite pastime of these +promising youths. I have frequently seen these children +marched along a passage, handcuffed behind, and preceded by a +warder carrying a bundle of rags three inches square, that +formerly represented their linen and clothes. The treatment +they receive puts this crime at a premium. Boys are +admittedly vain, and desirous of appearing as men to their older +associates, what more natural then, that a child (one of the +instances I refer to could not have been fourteen) should aspire +to the honour of appearing as a hero; marching through a crowded +passage with his manly work conspicuously displayed, treated, +moreover, like a real man, manacled, and eventually birched, and +receiving the approbation invariably accorded by the criminal +classes to the perpetrators of wanton mischief. One would +suppose that in a huge building like Coldbath Fields these +urchins might be absolutely isolated, and if their offences were +punished without the publicity that at present attends them, they +would soon be given up as not worth the consequence. <a +name="page269"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 269</span>That the +treatment of this hardened class of boys is a difficult problem, +cannot be denied, and the cunning and ingenuity they display is +almost incredible. Fully aware that the visiting Justices +only visit the prison once a fortnight, and that without their +order a birching is impossible, it frequently happens that on the +day of their discharge every article of their clothing is made +into mincemeat. For this mischief they are absolutely free +from any consequence, it being an offence against the prison, and +not against the law. If a remedy was applied to this crime, +similar to the Article of War that provides against the +destruction of Government property, the delinquent might be +handed over to a policeman, and this would effectually stop the +practice.</p> +<h2><a name="page270"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +270</span>CHAPTER XXII.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">THE TREAD-WHEEL.</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">By</span> Act of Parliament, all +prisoners, till quite recently, were photographed after admission +to the various prisons. This universal system is now +abolished, and since January, 1882, it is only reserved for +habitual criminals and prisoners sentenced to police +supervision. I had the good fortune to add to my +experiences and my desire to see everything, by coming under the +universal system, I having become a Government ward exactly +eleven days before the expiration of the Act. One morning, +whilst at exercise, my name was called amongst some half-a-dozen +others. I could not conceive what new atrocity I had +perpetrated, and what could have occurred to disturb the even +tenor of my ways. A few of my more experienced comrades, +however, enlightened me by remarking I was “a-goin’ +to be tuk,” and I found myself on <a +name="page271"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 271</span>the road to +the studio.</p> +<p style="text-align: center"> +<a href="images/p271b.jpg"> +<img alt= +"“Negatives kept.”" +title= +"“Negatives kept.”" +src="images/p271s.jpg" /> +</a></p> +<p>Photography such as this can hardly be considered artistic, +though I have seen worse, but not much. It probably, +however, answers all the requirements it is intended for. +These works of art are only produced in duplicate, and though I +offered a fabulous price to the seedy artist for an extra copy, +no business was done; for though negatives are kept, they are +kept under lock and key. Of the copies usually printed one +was presented to the Governor of Newgate (this individual being +lately abolished, I do not know who is now the recipient), the +other finds its way into the Coldbath album, and no doubt affords +pleasure and instruction at such jubilant gatherings as prison +lawn tennis parties, or warders’ beanfeasts, which I was +informed (though never invited) are occasionally indulged +in. Prisoners are taken in their own clothes, and it is a +matter of regret that the ones I then wore have gone the way of +all old clothes, for, like their owner, they did not improve by +their incarceration, and their huge proportions made them +worthless without alteration. Pose or position is a +secondary consideration, a good out-and-out resemblance is the +thing to be attained; a deformed <a name="page272"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 272</span>ear, or a fly-blown nose, would at +once be seized upon, and the lens directed point blank at such +fortunate distinctions. In my case there was nothing to +merit special reproduction, so with a smirk that would have +hanged me fifty years ago (for even here the “artist” +could not resist the conventional request) I qualified for the +Government album. On one side one’s number is pinned +to one’s coat, on the other is a slate with one’s +name in full, thus supplying an index simple but complete, and in +proportion to the intellects of such probable students as the +motley crew one periodically saw at Newgate. To me the +ordeal had neither terror nor charms, though to some of my +companions it was evidently not agreeable. One rogue caused +considerable trouble by persistently protruding his chin or +distorting some feature; these antics were not indulged in in a +spirit of levity, but resorted to gradually as the cap was being +taken off. He evidently objected to an accurate likeness, +and so he might. I never could find out particulars, but +not long after he disappeared from Coldbath, and whether hanged +or a “lifer,” I never heard. <i>That</i> +photograph had fulfilled its mission.</p> +<p><a name="page273"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +273</span>Visits to Coldbath cannot under ordinary circumstances +be undertaken by any but the most robust. The accommodation +is clearly intended for the scum of London, and it is unfair to +expect any respectable person to come unless smell-proof and +provided with a box of Keating’s insect powder. I +received one visit under these revolting conditions, though my +subsequent ones left nothing to be desired. Conceive, then, +a cell eighteen feet by twelve, fitted with four partitions on +either side, divided by a narrow passage, with a warder walking +up and down. Into one of these cages the visitor is +conducted and locked in. Immediately opposite, and +similarly enclosed, is the object of his visit. In +appearance they resemble a Cochin China hen-coop; in size they +about equal the den of the untameable hyæna in a travelling +menagerie. Conversation of a private nature is out of the +question, as, indeed, is intended; topical subjects are tabooed, +and but for the sake of adding to my experiences I should never +have subjected myself or my friend to such nasty +conditions. Within a foot of one, and flanked on both +sides, was either a costermonger talking to his missus and her +frowsy, <a name="page274"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +274</span>unvaccinated-looking offspring, or a pickpocket hearing +the latest news from the Seven Dials; the Babel consequent being +such as to leave no alternative but to say nothing, or shout at +the top of one’s voice. There is a snobbishness about +this custom that went far to determine me in my course of +telephoning as the only way to retaliate effectually on official +inconsideration. No one would be foolish enough to expect +that a gentleman should be better treated than a costermonger +under such painful circumstances, although it would be an act of +consideration, involving neither inconvenience nor relaxation of +discipline, if some little discretion were exercised, as at +Newgate, regarding the visitors.</p> +<p>The tread-wheel occupies a prominent position in prison +life. There was none at Coldbath on my arrival, the old one +having been burnt down a short time previously. There is a +delightful interpretation to the three magic letters, C. B. F. +(Cold Bath Fields), that long puzzled me, and which takes its +origin—as I heard—from the ancient structure. I +had frequently heard this cheerful place referred to as +“The Farm,” and on enquiry <a +name="page275"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 275</span>it was +explained that it was facetiously known as “Charley +Bates’s Farm.” “Charley,” it +appears, was a peculiarly ferocious turnkey that some years ago +superintended the tread-wheel, but whether burnt, like his toy, +or still burning, or alive, I have not the remotest idea. +Its successor was now being rapidly built, and all the artisan +talent procurable was laid on, in order to complete without delay +this necessary adjunct to hard labour.</p> +<p>A reference to the “system of progressive stages” +will obviate my repeating many details as to the particular men +put to this punishment, etc.</p> +<p>I had never seen a tread-wheel except from the stalls of the +Adelphi Theatre, and was particularly anxious to gratify my +curiosity. I cudgelled my brains as to how it was to be +managed, with such success that I eventually found myself on the +“works.” As I have the misfortune to be neither +a mechanic nor an artisan, and incapable of driving in a nail +without hammering my finger, and being a perfect infant in the +use of a shovel, I was at a loss to conceive how I could possibly +be employed; <a name="page276"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +276</span>but this difficulty was at length surmounted, and armed +with a brush I was put on a roving job. I had the run of +the building, with a kind of general instruction to brush +everything and everybody, up stairs and down stairs, and in the +warder’s chamber. The warder in charge of this +building in course of construction, was a worthy man, incapable +of being tampered with, though I never tried him (why should I?), +but withal courteous, respectful, and considerate—one of +those men whose bringing up had thrown him amongst gentlemen, and +who knew how to maintain his own position without offending the +susceptibilities of others. The artisans under him worked +with a will, and reports and rows were things unknown, except on +scrubbing days, when some ill-conditioned hound happened to be +temporarily employed. My duties consisted in sitting about +in sheltered nooks with the broom between my knees, and on the +approach of a spy, with which the place was infested, to rise and +make furious lunges at imaginary spiders. These sweeps into +space were very effective, and, fatal as they would have been to +any insect had I seen one, were equally gratifying to their human +prototypes, whose <a name="page277"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +277</span>desire was to see one working hard. During my +employment in this building it was, I verily believe, the object +of more inspection than it had ever been before. I had been +informed by telephone that my antipathy had given a hint that I +was to be looked after, and if he was satisfied with the result I +certainly was. Not twenty minutes elapsed between the +various inspections, and occasionally they swarmed like +horse-flies in summer round a lump of sugar. These frequent +visits involved an immense loss of energy, and the casualties +amongst the spiders must have been enormous. When all had +been destroyed I constructed a pile of dirt—one pound of +dust to four of shavings—which I placed in a conspicuous +position. This was violently propelled from me during a +visit, and gently restored when the intruder had passed.</p> +<p>I had the opportunity of inspecting this huge instrument of +torture, and was considerably disappointed that I could not try +its effect. I had the gratification, however, of putting +some paint on one panel and a piece of putty into a hole, thereby +having assisted at the making of the wheel. Putting <a +name="page278"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 278</span>putty into +a hole is not so easy as it may sound. At the inspection of +work next day I had the mortification of seeing my lump +condemned, and cruelly removed. The tread-wheel is moved by +elaborate machinery worked by powerful engines, which, in +addition to setting the wheel in motion, grinds corn in an +adjoining building for the use of the prison. It is +entirely different from the Adelphi one, and may be described as +four long cylindrical wheels extending the length of the building +on either side and along the gallery. Partitions, of +sufficient dimensions to enable a man to stand up, run the entire +length of the various wheels, thereby precluding all +communication between the several occupants. Two hundred +and sixty men can be “on” at once, and the punishment +is carried out on the principle of ten minutes “off” +and twenty minutes “on.” The victims are +marched down at 7.30 <span class="GutSmall">A.M.</span>, and +beguile the time thus pleasantly till 11.30. They return at +1.30 p.m., and continue the enjoyment till 5.</p> +<p>I am told this is considered an easy wheel, and men who have +experienced the working of others assured me that this one was +mere <a name="page279"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +279</span>child’s play. A great deal depends on the +worker, and the experienced jail-bird rises—or, as it was +termed to me, “waits for”—the step with little +or no exertion. With the novice, however, it is severe +labour, and the exertion involved bathes him in +perspiration. A supply of warm water is given them on +returning to their cells of an evening, to obliterate in a degree +the unpleasant consequences of the wheel. But the +discomfort—can one estimate it? A poor wretch bathed +in perspiration, and having to sleep in the same shirt and work +in it for a week! Only prisoners fit for hard labour are +put to the wheel, and no man is ever so employed unless passed by +the surgeon. The doctor’s work is considerably +augmented by the reconstruction of the wheel, and besides having +to visit the yard frequently during the day, he is persecuted by +strings of schemers trying by every conceivable subterfuge to +evade the punishment. Some go the length of tumbling off, +and occasionally succeed in temporarily disqualifying themselves +by a sprained ankle or wrist. I was much amused during my +employment at its construction at the interest that the various +officials took in every <a name="page280"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 280</span>detail connected with its +progress. They revelled at the prospect of the treat in +store for them, and seemed to gloat over the exquisite misery +awaiting some of their lambs. Bunches of these warders +would occasionally meet, and discuss the intricacies of the +machinery with a gusto only to be acquired by prison +contagion. It would not have surprised me to have heard +that the opening ceremony had been attended by some kind of +<i>fête</i>, to which the warders and “their +ladies” had been invited, and condiments—made on the +premises—distributed wholesale.</p> +<p>My worst enemies, and those I had to fear most, were the +prisoners. They were all jealous of me, and had got an +absurd notion into their heads that I could do as I liked, and, +though there was no truth in such an impression, never lost an +opportunity of “rounding” on me. A one-eyed +scoundrel, who was one day checked and eventually punished for +idleness, complained to the Governor that he didn’t see why +he should work all day and another man (me) sit down and do +nothing. This had the effect of causing me to be +transferred elsewhere, and I next added to my experiences by +becoming <a name="page281"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +281</span>a gardener. I was not sorry to leave the +wheelhouse, for it had a depressing effect on me, which the hum +of the traffic just outside did not assist in allaying. As +a wag said to me one day, “This will be a nice place when +it’s finished.”</p> +<h2><a name="page282"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +282</span>CHAPTER XXIII.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">GARDENING.</span></h2> +<p>I <span class="smcap">had</span> at last indeed tumbled on my +legs. My new duties offered a combination of +advantages—such as variety, fresh air, newspapers, tobacco, +etc.—far in excess of my fondest dreams. There are +six so-called gardeners, who are constantly employed in the +grounds. At 7.30 they go out, and rarely return before +dinner; and again at 2, remaining out till 5. In fine +weather this is a great relief, and I enjoyed many an afternoon +basking in the sun on a grassy bank.</p> +<p style="text-align: center"> +<a href="images/p282.jpg"> +<img alt= +"Gardening. “Something approaching.”" +title= +"Gardening. “Something approaching.”" +src="images/p282.jpg" /> +</a></p> +<p>The general duties of a so-called gardener are a combination +of the qualifications necessary for a dustman, carpet-beater, and +agricultural labourer. They are, in fact, the scavengers of +the establishment, and poke about all day under a curiosity of +the turnkey species, and overhaul everything and <a +name="page283"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +283</span>everybody. Their duties are absolutely legion, +and carpet-beating, mowing, weeding, and raking the walks are +only a moiety of their accomplishments. I was appointed to +this favoured team through the kindly recommendation of the +assistant surgeon after my recent temporary discharge from +hospital; and the master gardener, not having been consulted, as +I fancy he usually was, was not by any means predisposed in my +favour. That, however, wore off; and though I found him the +most crotchety, three-cornered eccentricity I had ever met, I +soon discovered his weak point, and did pretty much as I +pleased. I must here repudiate any insinuation that by this +I mean to imply he was to be squared. I might as well have +tried to square the Marble Arch. Besides which, I did not +require to, my supply being greater than my demand.</p> +<p>Our first duty was to proceed to the tool-house, and, armed +with shovels, wheelbarrows, baskets, etc., to commence grubbing +about. As a newcomer I was selected for the +“barrer,” and a heavier “barrer” I never +felt; but having knocked some paint off a gate, and rolled it +over a sacred <a name="page284"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +284</span>grass plot, my incapacity was so manifest that I was +disrated to a shovel. Here, too, I was lamentably ignorant, +and out of every spoonful I collected a third went into the +“barrer” and the remainder everywhere else. I +was, in fact, trying to emulate the scavengers one sees ladling +mud on wet days. The long shots they make have always +inspired me with admiration; their revels in the oceans of mud +exercised a fascination over me, causing me till now to overlook +the science that is required to produce such apparently simple +efforts.</p> +<p>I have often driven up the hill that runs outside the front of +the prison and fancied it was steep; that fancy has since been +confirmed, and I am now in a position to assert positively that +it is very steep, especially between the shafts of a +“barrer.”</p> +<p>A duty we were about to undertake one day was the weekly +overhaul of the head warder’s quarters. I was spared +a share in this revolting exercise—I never knew +how—but was simply told I should not be required.</p> +<p>I had often sympathized with these gardeners long before I +joined them, when seeing them shaking the frowsy rugs and rags, +carpet slippers, <a name="page285"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +285</span>and other gimcracks, and dusting Mrs. Head +Warder’s best Sunday willow-pattern teapot. My +general ignorance, too, in the various branches of scavengering +had become so apparent that I felt convinced I should be informed +that I “didn’t suit”; but, thanks to the +consideration of the Governor and assistant surgeon, I was +retained, though otherwise employed. I was henceforth +entirely detached, and turned out into various portions of the +grounds, and told to do the best I could. My special +instructions were to annihilate a certain weed, for which purpose +I was armed with a knife, though I seldom used it for that +particular purpose. The effect of this weed on the funny +head gardener was very strange, and he would grind his teeth and +mutter at the very sight of one. I at once took the cue, +and feeling it would please him, besides showing my zeal, used +the strongest language I could lay tongue to whenever I detected +one. My zeal, I fear, often led me into mistakes, and +valuable clover and priceless dandelions were ruthlessly +sacrificed to my want of discrimination. These errors in +uprooting the wrong plants generally elicited a gentle <a +name="page286"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 286</span>rebuke, but +the “cussing” at the hated fungus condoned my +offence. “It was zeal, sir, zeal,” and he began +to “like that chap—he was willing, anxious +like.” But the way I won the old boy’s heart +was my love for old coins (as a fact, I know nothing about them, +and prefer the more modern specimens). It happened one day +he picked up a rusty coin—whether a button or an obsolete +farthing I cannot say. I boldly, however, pronounced it to +be a Henry the Seventh, said I would gladly pay five shillings +for one like it, rattled along about Museum Street, my +collection, etc., till he recognized a brother-collector, and a +bond of sympathy was established; and as he dropped the Henry the +Seventh into his pocket, he led me to understand he had many like +it at home. Whether he undertook a pilgrimage to Museum +Street I cannot say, but about a month later a coolness showed +itself in his manner towards me, which rather led me to suspect +he had.</p> +<p>I now found myself my own master. No one was specially +interested in my movements. I was on my own hook, and so +long as I appeared to be occupied when certain individuals were +going their <a name="page287"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +287</span>rounds, I was never interfered with; and as these +rounds took place at about the same hours daily, I mapped out my +occupation accordingly.</p> +<p style="text-align: center"> +<a href="images/p287b.jpg"> +<img alt= +"Gardening. “The Line Clear.”" +title= +"Gardening. “The Line Clear.”" +src="images/p287s.jpg" /> +</a></p> +<p>At 7.30 I was turned into a large lawn, with sloping banks on +three sides and railings on the fourth; between these and the +outer wall was a gravel walk that circumvented the prison. +A turnkey patrolled this walk day and night, armed with a +cutlass. I asked one of them one day what he should do if +he found anyone scaling the wall. “Do?” he +said. “If it was you, I should say, +‘Don’t be a fool; you’ll sprain your ankle +dropping down t’other side.’” “And +suppose it was some other chap?” I inquired. +“Ah! then,” he added, “I should carve him about +a foot below the waist.”</p> +<p>Between 8 and 9 parties of men were constantly passing to and +fro to their various work. I usually, therefore, devoted +that hour to contemplation, the selection of some half-a-dozen +weeds for future decapitation, and a general look round. +When things had settled down a bit, my knife came into +requisition, and proceeding to one of my hiding-places I selected +one piece of tobacco for immediate <a name="page288"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 288</span>use, and sliced enough for my +day’s consumption. I had some of these holes in +various parts of the grounds, constructed of a slate floor about +three inches square, with bricks for the roof and sides. I +found them admirably adapted to resist rain, and many I daresay +are still in existence. This enjoyment lasted till 11, when +it became dangerous. (I was nearly choked on one occasion +by foolishly having a lump of tobacco in my mouth when suddenly +confronted by an official.) After dinner I had a good +hour’s reading (the papers don’t arrive before; +indeed, the postal arrangements are capable of considerable +improvement), and so the afternoon passed comparatively +pleasantly, between the daily paper, ’baccy, and the +sloping bank. I often felt amused at the thought of how +different all this was to what some people believed; and a +conversation I “overheard” in the previous January, +when one cad was explaining to his inebriated companion that +imprisonment with hard labour was worse than penal servitude, +came vividly to my recollection. On one of these sunny days +I was much amused by an outline of the day’s telegrams as +given me by a friendly turnkey. It was the <a +name="page289"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 289</span>day on +which the news of young Vyse’s death whilst reconnoitring +Arabi’s position reached England. “Them +Arabians are rum chaps; ah, and can shoot too, I tell yer: that +officer as was recognisizing—look at that!”</p> +<p>Chewing was an accomplishment I did not acquire in a day; +indeed, it took me weeks. At first it made me absolutely +poorly, but I persevered, and eventually found it as agreeable as +smoking. I could not, however, manage the twist, and +invariably used the honey-dew or negro-head. This +daintiness was not unattended with inconvenience, as no shop in +the neighbourhood kept such a thing, and involved journeys to the +Strand or Oxford Street. I was never so foolish as to keep +the tobacco about me, and my cell was as free of it as any +hermit’s. In the grounds, however, it was perfectly +safe; tobacco under a stone might belong to anybody, and though +the suspicion would probably have cost me my staff appointment, +absolute conviction would have been impossible. To say that +I was free from some sort of suspicion would be hardly correct, +for although I was never searched myself—except on the one +<a name="page290"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 290</span>occasion +before mentioned—my next-door neighbour was “turned +over” about twice a week. The reason that led to this +was as follows:—I had found this man specially +useful—he was quite a second Mike to me; anything I +required he did, and in return I gave him portions of my +superfluous food, and occasionally a piece of tobacco. This +traffic had not passed unnoticed, and had been communicated to a +warder by another prisoner, who felt himself aggrieved at the +preference shown by me for his fellow prisoner. These +sneakings are universally practised, and through my entire +experience I had to be careful of these wretches; they watched me +and hated me, and if they got the chance, always rounded on +“The Swell.” Swell indeed! The swelling +had long ago subsided. I only weighed, thank heavens! about +fourteen stone. These sneakings never affected me, and one +of these individuals was once considerably astonished at getting +three days bread and water for a privileged communication about +me. A circumstance that occurred one day impressed me very +much on the matter of destiny, and the accidents that sometimes +combine to form a link <a name="page291"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 291</span>between two individuals that a month +or two previously would never have been dreamed of. It was +the day on which (the late) Dr. Lamson had been sentenced to +death. I was standing not far from the prison van, which +had lately returned after depositing him at the House of +Detention, and watching two prisoners cleaning it out. The +partition that he had occupied contained three or four pillows, +and I was informed it was a delicate attention on the part of the +Government to prevent condemned men intentionally injuring +themselves. “What are those pillows for?” I +asked of a turnkey. “Oh, they’re only Dr. +Lamson’s,” was the facetious reply; “he was +sentenced to-day, so we just put them in for fear he should chafe +himself, poor fellow.” When the cleaning was over my +brother reprobate led me to understand he had made a +discovery. Beneath the pillows he had found three cigars; +he considerately gave me one, as indeed prison etiquette +demanded, it being an axiom that an uncompromised holder of a +secret is never to be trusted. I certainly should not have +rounded on my <i>confrère</i>, but was nevertheless very +glad to be the recipient of a specimen of this <a +name="page292"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +292</span>“Marwood” brand. It was a sin to chew +them, but there was no alternative, as smoking was out of the +question. Half-an-hour later, as I bit off a piece, the +thought forced itself upon me, “Three months ago, he at +Bournemouth, and I at Brighton, had never heard of one another, +and here I am chewing the condemned man’s +tobacco.” Funny thing, destiny!</p> +<h2><a name="page293"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +293</span>CHAPTER XXIV.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">THE CHURCH MILITANT IN PRISON.</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">Religious</span> ceremonial plays an +important part at Coldbath Fields. The quantity, indeed, is +lamentably in excess of the quality, and leavened with a degree +of barbaric hypocrisy incapable of engendering any feeling but +that of nausea. Language fails me in trying to describe it +in its proper light; and though reluctant to appear as scoffing +at religion—which I emphatically repudiate—what I saw +and heard makes it a hopeless task to allude to the subject and +yet divest it of its component parts. This cure of some +1400 (criminal) souls was vested in two chaplains, of whom one +had the misfortune to be a gentleman. I say +“misfortune” advisedly, for unless incapable of +contamination the most charitably inclined and refined is bound +to deteriorate. Their duties, in <a +name="page294"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 294</span>addition to +those usually associated with clergymen, embraced a +<i>soupçon</i> of the schoolmaster with a dash of the +district visitor, and if they were disposed (which all were not) +to throw in a slice of detective work, it was not considered a +disqualification for further preferment. The spiritual +welfare of the Protestant portion of the prisoners was divided +between them, all fresh arrivals during this month being +specially assigned to the one, and all coming in the next +devolving on the other. The etiquette and punctilio that +regulated this division when once made, was as marked as that +usually found amongst country medical practitioners. Thus, +if Sykes the burglar, who happened to be one of the Rev. +Smith’s lambs, unfortunately cracked his skull, and was in +immediate want of spiritual consolation, he would in all +probability be requested to defer his departure till the arrival +of the Rev. Robinson. I mention this in regard to the +system, and not as referring to anyone in particular, although +the way I was ignored (very much to my delight) some weeks later, +when my particular pastor was on leave, fortifies me in the +conviction that my theory is correct.</p> +<p><a name="page295"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 295</span>A +portion of the prisoners are visited daily by their respective +chaplains, and day after day, between ten and twelve, is devoted +to this solemn pilgrimage. That religion may be +administered in various forms was apparent from the method +pursued respectively by the two chaplains. The one seemed +to think that a kind word and a pleasant smile might safely be +addressed to the vilest criminal without detracting from his +spiritual dignity; the other relied implicitly on scowls and +frowns, and a recitation of the terrors of judgment and hell as +the proper ministration for miserable sinners.</p> +<p>I have special cause to be grateful for the accident that +assigned me to whom it did, as, being a Presbyterian, and never +having benefited to the extent of “confirmation,” I +should most assuredly have found my spiritual lines cast in +harder places under an uncompromising bigot of Episcopacy, than +under one who was willing to admit, that the kingdom of Heaven +was not specially reserved for members of the Church of +England. The multifarious calls on his time prevented my +chaplain from seeing me more frequently than once or <a +name="page296"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 296</span>sometimes +twice in a fortnight; but even these occasional visits did not +pass unnoticed, and I gleaned, from a casual remark he once made, +that his spiritual superior considered a visit every two months +ample for the requirements of the most depraved outcasts. I +can only attribute this conclusion to the potency of his peculiar +ministration, which, unless taken in homoeopathic doses, might +possibly have been injurious to both body and soul.</p> +<p>I never came much in contact with the chief pillar of the +chapel, though I was made acquainted with his usual routine by +many of his flock:—“What are you here for? Do +you say your prayers?” were the soothing conundrums he +rapped out on his periodical visits; and if the answer was in the +negative, it was followed by “D’you know where +you’re going to?” and then the door was slammed with +a reverence suitable to the occasion. The relief that +followed his exodus was, however, only momentary; and again the +key rattled in the door, and a head, with eyes flashing, was once +more thrust in, and yelled out, “To hell!” For +of such is the kingdom of Heaven!</p> +<p><a name="page297"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +297</span>Chapel was an infliction one was subjected to four +times a week. The service in its entirety was conducted +with a strict regard to official etiquette, and the degrees of +relative rank were as clearly defined by the Bibles and +prayer-books as by the seats, hassocks, reading desks, etc., +allotted to the officials. Thus, the Governor’s +Bibles and prayer-books were gilt-bound, with gilt clasps; the +deputy Governor’s, Scripture-reader’s, and +schoolmaster’s, gilt bindings without the clasps; the +principal warders’, clasps without the gilt binding; and +those of the rank-and-file of warders destitute of either gilt +binding or clasps. Prisoners had to content themselves with +thumbed, dog-eared, leafless specimens, and so the united +hallelujahs ascended to Heaven—let us hope equally +acceptable, whether dog-eared or gilded. The interior of +this sacred edifice resembled a barn, the nave being fitted up +with rows of backless benches capable of accommodating some 600 +knaves, a yard apart.</p> +<p>A bird’s-eye view of this congregation was one that +challenged reflection, comprising as it did young men and old, +dark and fair, short and stout, <a name="page298"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 298</span>tall and thin, lads with fluff, and +hoary-headed sinners, all stamped with the same mark of +Cain—hang-dog faces and protruding jowls, conical heads +with hair extending down the nape, bullet pates and cadaverous +faces, cripples and blind men, one-legged and one-armed, yet all, +with few exceptions, marked with the same indescribable jail-bird +brand never to be mistaken, and once seen never to be +forgotten.</p> +<p>The floor was tesselated (of the alms-house period), and one +of the hardest floors with which I had ever come in +contact. I realized this from a regulation that +necessitated one’s grovelling on the slightest +provocation. The walls of this portion of the building were +of a bilious-official mud colour, the monotony of which was +occasionally relieved by scrolls and texts of a personal +nature. Beyond were a few steps leading to the pulpits and +pews for the higher officials; here the mural decorations assumed +a brighter form—indeed, paint seemed to have been laid on +regardless of expense, and with a degree of vulgarity I had never +seen equalled, except perhaps in Albert Grant’s lately +pulled-down house at <a name="page299"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 299</span>South Kensington. The mania +for smearing the walls with texts was by no means confined to the +chapel, but was to be found everywhere that propriety and extreme +religious fervour seemed to suggest. Thus over the surgery, +as a reminder to possible schemers, “lying lips” were +very properly condemned; near the stores advice as to +“picking and stealing” was conspicuously displayed, +with about as much effect as if it had been placed in the +oakum-picking wards; and everywhere, conspicuous <i>by its +absence</i>, was the wholesome admonition, “If any man +among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, this +man’s religion is vain.”</p> +<p>The chapel, moreover, boasted of an organ—a serious +infliction, involving a temptation for the encouragement of +singing; and nobody that has not heard 600 malefactors without an +“h” in their composition bellowing “’Oly, +’oly, ’oly,” can sympathize to the extent the +occasion merits. I was peculiarly unfortunate in my usual +seat, which happened to be amongst the trades, and was flanked by +the blacksmiths. I never heard them yelling without +thinking that <a name="page300"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +300</span>Handel’s “Harmonious Blacksmith” must +have been a different sort, which in its turn gave way to the +“four-and-twenty blackbirds that were baked in a +pie,” and then I was recalled to the proximity of the +four-and-twenty blacksmiths by “’Oly, ’oly, +’oly.” I could have wept from sheer sympathy +when I heard that glorious “Te Deum” so brutally +massacred, and pitied the organist—an excellent +musician—for having to play on such an instrument to such +an accompaniment.</p> +<p>The entrance of the prisoners was not conducted on the +principle customary in places of worship (though I suppose no one +really associated this specimen with any attributes of the kind), +but was accompanied by the blowing of whistles, and shouts of +“Move higher up!” “Come on, there!” +“D’you know where you are?” “This +ain’t a music-hall!” and such-like appropriate +exclamations. Music-hall indeed! The Middlesex +magistrates would never licence such an exhibition; indeed, it +only required a few handfuls of orange-peel to have made it a +formidable rival of “The Vic.” in its palmiest +days.</p> +<p>The chief cause of most of this indecent <a +name="page301"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 301</span>behaviour +was one of the head warders, and when this man superintended the +chapel parade the scene was disgraceful; and “Take that +man’s name down!” “I’ll send you to your +cell, sir!” and bully, bully, bully, was the preparation +for the service. This is no exaggeration, and hundreds of +officials and prisoners will recognize the description. At +the same time it is only right to add that the Governor and +chaplains have no means of knowing of these daily outrages, for +custom regulates their entrance after the chapel is full, and +when a toadying, eye-serving, make-believe reverence has +succeeded the state of things I have described. The service +was happily not a long one, and twenty minutes was the average +duration from find to finish. It was conducted, I should +say, with a tendency to High Church formula on the part of the +clergy and a portion of the congregation. Thus, the +ministers, the laundrymen, and the blacksmiths invariably turned +to the east during certain portions of the service, whilst the +Governor (an old man-of-war’s man, who could box the +compass as well as ever), myself (I could see the weathercock +from my window), the <a name="page302"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 302</span>needle-men, who followed me to a +man, and here and there a tailor, as persistently faced due +north.</p> +<p>The habit of trying to sing “second” was a very +severe trial to listen to, and I remonstrated with one old man +that I looked on as a kind of ringleader, at the pain his efforts +caused me. His voice was by way of being a tenor, and his +disregard of all harmony induced me to christen him +“Wagner.” One day poor old Wagner appeared with +his neck painted with iodine, and the feeble croaks that he +emitted, however painful to himself, were a considerable relief +to me. Remembering, too, that when the Devil is sick he is +supposed to be most susceptible of good impressions, and not +wishing to lose the opportunity of working on his feelings, I +determined to let him have it. I impressed on him the +brittleness of tenor voices in general; how susceptible their +metempsychosis was to disorganisation; how the epidermis of the +carotid artery was peculiarly sensitive; and, with a casual +glance at his neck, implored him for his own sake, if not for +mine, to give his voice a rest. With beads of perspiration +and iodine trickling down his back, he gasped compliance; and +thus I <a name="page303"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +303</span>reduced my “crosses” by one. Another +horrid old man never failed to irritate me. He was +undergoing twelve months’ imprisonment for inciting little +boys to steal, but was now on the religious tack. So +religious, indeed, had he become, that in a portion of “The +Creed” he could not say “hell,” but invariably +substituted “the grave.” I had never heard this +impertinent innovation before, and could have kicked him and his +hypocrisy into Wagner’s lap. Instantaneous +conversions, such as took place years ago during the so-called +Revivals, were of occasional occurrence, brought about, as I take +it, by the thrilling discourses we were sometimes treated to, and +the “awakened one” would stand up and hold +forth. But very short work was made of these converts, and +a couple of matter-of-fact warders soon trundled them out, to be +brought up later on and punished for disturbing the +service. I made a careful study of the two chaplains and +their respective peculiarities in conducting the service. +With the one I never had cause for annoyance, and though his +sermons could not be said to bristle with eloquence, he was +evidently in earnest, and <a name="page304"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 304</span>mindful of the fact that the word +Protestant embraced more denominations than one, and seemed +particularly careful not to outrage the feelings of the many +Presbyterians, Wesleyans, and other Nonconformists that formed a +portion of the congregation. The other reverend individual +had a partiality for the declamatory style, and whenever +circumstances, or the calendar, gave him the option of selecting +a psalm, never failed to declaim how “Moab is my washpot, +over Edom will I cast out my shoe” (Ps. cviii.). I +verily believe he used to think he was talking of his own +household effects, and the expressions of admiration on the faces +of the blacksmiths generally leave little or no doubt in my mind +that they were thoroughly convinced he was appraising the +contents of his charming little suburban retreat. But what +he revelled in were the commandments: “Thou shalt” +and “Thou shalt not” were balm to the holy man, and I +was always pleased to see him enjoying himself. A favourite +dodge amongst prisoners, now pretty well played out, is to +petition for a remission of sentence on the plea of conversion +and regeneration. That such a circumstance should be +flattering to <a name="page305"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +305</span>the vanity of a man who is morally convinced of his +incapacity for converting anything, is not to be wondered at, but +the marvel is, how men with the varied experience of prison +chaplains (I speak generally) should be gulled by such shallow +artifices. That they are, however, is beyond dispute. +I have met and conversed with many of these brands plucked from +the burning, and my experience accords with that of many capable +of forming an opinion, that they are matchless both in cunning +and rascality. They are invariably tale-bearers, or what +are known in the comprehensive criminal vocabulary as +“creepers,” for they do creep up the back of any one +foolish enough to confide in them, and as surely creep down the +next official’s who is mean enough to encourage their +tattle. These gentlemen are pretty well labelled, and I +made it a practice to always preface my conversation with any of +them by letting them understand they might tell +“Gehazi,” or any one they pleased, all and everything +I might happen to say. One glaring instance of the +converted type that I often led into conversation told me that he +was very sanguine on the subject of a remission of <a +name="page306"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 306</span>the +remainder of his sentence; that one of the chaplains was +“working it” for him; and, indeed, that he and many +other likely to be well informed individuals, such as +assistant-turnkeys and fellow-prisoners may be presumed to be, +had assured him that his success was a foregone conclusion. +I asked him how he succeeded in getting such +“powerful” advocacy, and although at first he assumed +the fervent style, he very soon relapsed into his normal +condition on seeing that I looked on him as a humbug. He +then proceeded to explain that he began by expressing a desire to +see his chaplain in private, in hopes of satiating the thirst for +peace of mind that gave him no rest; that this led to salutary +advice and a fagot of tracts, and had ended in his partaking of +the Holy Communion—I almost hesitate to repeat this rank +blasphemy, and my only justification is its unexaggerated truth; +indeed, I would not dare to write such horrors unless fortified +by my veracity. He went on to add that it was awfully +jolly, and that he generally received any surplus that might +remain of the consecrated bread or wine.</p> +<p>I am indebted to him for the following details of <a +name="page307"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 307</span>the custom +that prevailed on these solemn occasions, which, retailed in a +bantering style, may be briefly summed up as follows:—That +the ceremony was usually attended by one official of each +grade—such as the deputy governor, one chief warder, one +warder, and a turnkey—to whom it was administered according +to seniority; that the prisoners’ turn came next, and that +by a judicious foresight he usually managed to secure the first +place. He went on to add that he confidently expected some +cozy billet in the prison suitable to his serious tendencies, and +that his chaplain had promised to interest himself in procuring +him some situation on discharge. As we became more +intimate, he confided to me that he could never undergo poverty +and privation again, and was determined to attain affluence, +honestly if possible, but otherwise by one bold dash that should +attain his end, or qualify him for penal servitude. This +hopeful convert had been convicted of a till robbery, and had +moreover committed forgery, which had not been preferred against +him on condition that he restored the stolen money. It was +this last spontaneous (!) honourable act that formed the basis <a +name="page308"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 308</span>of his +petition, proving his instantaneous remorse for the error of a +moment—a remorse that had since ripened into sincere and +heartfelt repentance. He concluded by informing me that his +chaplain had led him to understand he should probably give him a +few pounds on his discharge, but that he had been deceived so +often by “converts” he had assisted eventually +becoming “convicts,” that he hesitated to help any of +whose sincerity he was not perfectly satisfied. Let us hope +he has not again been a victim of misplaced confidence! I +have on more than one occasion found it difficult to maintain my +gravity when hearing this rogue and his victim discussing Bible +questions, and whining at the ridicule he had to submit to on +account of his convictions, and receiving consolation by the +quotation of the case of Mary Magdalene. I have no scruple +in giving this account, as the principal actor has long since +been discharged (but not on his petition, which was naturally +refused), and because it is an ungarnished, indisputable proof of +the deceptions practised by criminals, and goes a long way to +justify the apparently harsh treatment frequently accorded +them. That the chaplains are <a name="page309"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 309</span>a conscientiously disposed class may +be gleaned from the circumstance that on one occasion, when a +converted sinner after his discharge sent a <i>souvenir</i> in +the shape of an eighteen-penny <i>papier mâché</i> +inkstand, the reverend recipient declined to accept it till he +had first obtained the sanction of the visiting Justices.</p> +<blockquote><p>“<i>Tantum religio potuit +suadere</i>.”</p> +</blockquote> +<h2><a name="page310"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +310</span>CHAPTER XXV<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">THE HOSPITAL DEAD-HOUSE.</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">During</span> my career as a gardener I +became very unwell. I attribute this in a measure to a +recurrence of a malady contracted in the tropics, and a chill I +caught from lying on damp grass in a draughty yard. Another +cause of my serious and probably life-long illness may possibly +be traced to an insane and spontaneous act—an over-taxation +of nature—many months previously. I had fined down in +the ordinary course of events to the weight and bulk (according +to my theory) that nature clearly intended; but not content with +this satisfactory result, I determined to attain still slimmer +proportions. Many indications convinced me I had found +“my bearings,” and common sense ought to have +suggested, <i>enough</i>; but vanity prevailed, and perseverance +attained the further desired <a name="page311"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 311</span>reduction, though at a more serious +price than I had contemplated. My theory on the reduction +of fat is based on my own case, and had I stopped as I recommend +others, when I had found “my bearings,” I should have +retained my usual health; as it was I went on and on, and like +those enthusiasts who sacrifice health and life to the perfecting +of a principle, so I, regardless of my own convictions, acted in +direct opposition to my advice to others, and may be +congratulated on having probed a theory to the very bottom at +considerable personal sacrifice. If any sceptic is disposed +to disparage my system, I ask him to blame me and not it. +The latter consists of a dietary in itself harmless, and certain +to produce diminution. When a certain point is attained it +says <span class="GutSmall">STOP</span>; and if it is asked why, +I reply because beyond that point it is rash, and if persisted +in, the theory is clearly not to blame. I am aware that +many will seize the opportunity to disparage the system, and +endeavour to deter others from following it. Such a course +would be as logical as to condemn a glass of sherry, because +someone had died from <i>delirium tremens</i>; or to abstain from +eels because Henry I. <a name="page312"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 312</span>had died from a surfeit of lampreys; +or, to carry the absurdity a degree further, to avoid (like the +old woman) apple-tart, because her husband had died of +apple-plexy. It was in the spring that I commenced my +campaign against nature, and though I had ample proof that I had +arrived at my “natural bearings,” I determined (never +dreaming of the danger) to persevere a little more. I was +then about 15 stone in weight, and knowing it was a stone in +excess of the average for men of my build, I thought if I could +reduce just one stone more I would rest satisfied. I found, +however, that my ordinary daily diet of mutton broth, a chop, +potatoes, bread, and cocoa failed to reduce me as it had hitherto +done, and that, try as I would, I recorded the same weight a +fortnight hence. The remedy that most naturally suggested +itself was to reduce the quantity, and I proceeded to divest my +consumption, of the broth, the fat from the chops, and a portion +of the potatoes and cocoa; but nature still continued to warn me, +and I as persistently ignored her, and, losing all patience, I +entered on a course little short of starvation. I took a +solemn oath that I would for one week <a name="page313"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 313</span>confine myself to six ounces of +bread and six mouthfuls of water a day (six ounces of bread will +be found to be synonymous to six mouthfuls, and no more). +During the first 48 hours my appetite became ravenous, and on the +third and fourth days the pains of hell did indeed get hold of +me; and it was as much as I could do to resist the temptation of +taking one mouthful of the savoury broth and mutton that was +lying untouched on my table. The trial now became almost +more than I could bear, and more than once I approached the +table, where the food would have to remain for an hour, but at +the last moment drew back. So acute, indeed, did I find +this agony that, to avoid temptation and to put it out of my +power, I used to throw the food into the slop-pail. After a +few days, the cravings of appetite began to cease, and I +congratulated myself that I was getting accustomed to it. +An accidental circumstance also prevented my testing the result +at the end of the seven days, and I continued in my madness for +another week. On being weighed I then found I had lost nine +or ten pounds. My appetite meanwhile had entirely forsaken +me; the smell and even the sight of meat <a +name="page314"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 314</span>produced +nausea, my eyes seemed to be affected, my head began to swim, I +became giddy without cause. I was now really ill, and I +endeavoured to remedy the evil, but my stomach refused +nourishment, and if I ate I was immediately sick. The +possibility of having fatally injured myself so alarmed me that I +saw the surgeon, who prescribed tonics and a change of diet; and, +as all failed in restoring outraged nature, I was admitted into +hospital. During this time Dr. Tanner and his starvation +exhibition were constantly in my mind, and the man I had once +associated with the performance of a wonderful feat of +self-denial descended in my mind to the level of a poor sick man +like myself, absolutely incapable of taking food. +Starvation has an ugly sound, and in its first stages is +unquestionably painful; but in a very few days (three or four at +the most) the sensation passes away, and is succeeded by an +absolute aversion to food. When I have seen a half-starved +man in the streets who has told me he has not tasted food for a +week and was “so ’ungry,” my bowels of +compassion have always been moved. If any mendicant was to +tell me so now, I should <a name="page315"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 315</span>know he was lying and refuse to +assist him; but if he said he had not eaten for two days and was +in agony, I should pity him and give him sixpence if I had +it. I shall give a detailed account of my life in hospital, +and the incredible kindness and consideration I received, later +on. Meanwhile I will confine myself to the assertion, that +to such an extent had I injured myself that in six weeks I had +lost two stone. On one’s admission into hospital one +is at once put to bed, and one’s clothes removed. +This latter custom is intended to insure a proper compliance with +the regulation, until the doctor’s sanction is obtained to +the contrary. “Sitting up” has, however, been +found to be half way to “going down”; and, as +hospital is the goal to which all prisoners aspire, it does not +require much inducement to commend their observance of this +particular rule. The hospital consists of a large airy +ward, fitted up with twenty beds. Through this, and +communicating with a glass door, is a smaller room with three +large windows, which gave a clear view of the outer world from +Holborn Town Hall to St. Pancras Station. It was my good +fortune to be located here, detached and <a +name="page316"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 316</span>alone, and +yet sufficiently near to see and hear all that was going +on. The menial duties of the hospital are performed by +three prisoners selected for good behaviour. These billets +are specially prized, and though associated with the most +unpleasant duties, offer facilities for eating and drinking +which, in the estimation of prisoners, cover a multitude of +drawbacks. These cleaners eat up everything; indeed, so fat +do they often become that it is a kind of unwritten rule that +when they have increased a stone in weight they revert to prison +life. The voracity they display is incredible, and until +they become too dainty to care for anything but the best, they +may daily be seen finishing eggs, tea, mutton, milk, beef tea, +pudding, and arrowroot promiscuously, as they pass from patient +to patient. The opportunity for this gluttony is unlimited, +and a glance at the fare I subsisted on for over five months will +convince the most sceptical that kindness and liberality can +exist even in a prison; indeed, I attribute my being alive now to +the tender care and medical skill I received, and can never +adequately express my gratitude to the surgeons and the entire +hospital staff.</p> +<p><a name="page317"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 317</span>My +dietary consisted of—</p> +<table> +<tr> +<td><p>6 <span class="GutSmall">A.M.</span></p> +</td> +<td><p>—Half-a-tumbler of rum and new milk.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>7 ,,</p> +</td> +<td><p>—A pint of tea, bread-and-butter, and an egg or +two.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>11 ,,</p> +</td> +<td><p>—A pint of new milk.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>12 noon</p> +</td> +<td><p>—Beef-tea, rice-pudding, and two glasses of +sherry.</p> +</td> +</tr> +</table> +<p>(I was offered, when I wished it, to substitute a chop, fish, +chicken, rabbit, or <i>anything</i> I might fancy.)</p> +<table> +<tr> +<td><p>5 <span class="GutSmall">P.M.</span></p> +</td> +<td><p>—A pint of tea, bread-and-butter, and an egg.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>7 ,,</p> +</td> +<td><p>—A pint of new milk. (This milk was so +excellent, that often when I left it for the night, I skimmed off +a thick coating of cream that would have shamed many +dairies.)</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>8 ,,</p> +</td> +<td><p>—A pint of arrowroot.</p> +</td> +</tr> +</table> +<p>Every item was the best that money could procure, and +unlimited in the supply, nor could I have <a +name="page318"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 318</span>lived +better at a West-End hotel at thirty shillings a day; but my +health precluded my enjoying it, and I could not summon the +appetite for one-tenth of the dainties. Everything I left +was devoured by the cleaners, and I have seen these cormorants +gorging as if determined to burst rather than waste a +scrap. Mine was by no means an isolated case, for every one +was equally cared for, and it seemed as if a man had only to be +really ill to be made to forget that he had fallen amongst +thieves, and was now under the care of the good Samaritan. +Sick men are proverbially impressionable; but now, months after, +in a genial climate, surrounded by every comfort that a kind +mother can think of, and gradually regaining my strength, I +cannot look back on the past without feelings amounting almost to +veneration, as I remember the kind friend and skilful hand that +saved me from the jaws of death. The hospital is +unquestionably the best managed of the various departments in +Coldbath. I attribute this to the excellent staff of +experienced warders, and the supervision of the medical +officers. Where all seem actuated by the same desire, it +would be <a name="page319"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +319</span>invidious to draw comparisons; but the authorities +little know what hard-working, efficient, and trustworthy men +they have in their two night-warders, who week by week relieve +each other, and perform their multifarious duties through the +livelong night in a quiet, unostentatious way, and all for a +pittance of an extra shilling a night beyond that paid to an +ordinary turnkey. The many sleepless nights I passed gave +me ample time to study their habits, which never varied, nor +seemed regulated by eye-service; and from 6 in the evening, when +they appeared neatly attired in white jacket and apron, till 6 in +the morning, these living automatons neither slumbered nor slept, +but were engaged, without intermission, in dispensing medicines, +preparing plasters and poultices, and keeping up the fires, +without fuss or noise, and with the regularity of a +chronometer. At first my utter prostration prevented me +leaving my bed, but as time wore on, I began to get about and +observe what was going on. The day was a long and dreary +one, though it was optional when one got up, nor could it be +divested of the many annoyances that officialism—spiritual +and <a name="page320"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +320</span>temporal—seemed unable to forego even in a +hospital. The chief culprit was the Scripture reader (as I +understood was his official designation, though I never saw or +heard him so engaged), who appeared regularly at 2 o’clock, +and read a monotonous harangue, with a religious tendency +evidently intended to be entertaining. I should be sorry to +misjudge the worthy man, whom I am disposed rather to sympathize +with, as the passive instrument of an irreverent exhibition; +indeed, he conveyed to me the notion of a man actuated by a +strong desire to fulfil a duty conscientiously which he felt was +contemptible, and that deceived neither himself nor his +audience. This farce and its surroundings were all +sprinkled with the same reverential ceremony, and as he strutted +up the passage with his billycock under his arm, a subdued tone +pervaded the room and heads were uncovered as became the solemn +farce. “The subject for our study and +meditation,” began the unhappy man, “is entitled, +‘Jonas, or the bilious whale,’ or, ‘Cain, the +naughty man,’” as the case might be; and then +followed twenty minutes of twaddle, senseless and monotonous, and +as <a name="page321"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +321</span>incapable of removing moral stains as would be +“Thorley’s Food for Cattle,” if substituted in +things temporal (and seedy) for “Benzine +Collas.” A fervent “Amen” always followed +these effusions, loudly joined in by the cleaners, who felt it +might be considered a recommendation for continued hospital +employment, and those patients approaching convalescence, who +hoped it might turn the scale in favour of a few more days in +hospital. By opening the door I could see and hear +everything, and I often caught poor “Bubbling Bill” +casting sheep’s eyes in my direction. Meals were +always preceded by a grace (?) said by a turnkey: “Bless O +lor’ th’ things touruse for crysake, Amen!” a +refreshing and commendable adjunct.</p> +<p>It seems peculiarly unfair on religion that it should so often +be presented in a hideous or ridiculous light, and if the same +stipulations were enforced as to quality as at present exist as +to quantity, more things than time might possibly be saved.</p> +<p>At 11, and again at night, the surgeons visited the hospital, +when every case was carefully gone <a name="page322"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 322</span>into. The care that prisoners +receive in this hospital puts crime almost at a premium, and +though I may indirectly be accusing those eminent and otherwise +irreproachable physicians of unintentionally aiding and abetting +law-breaking, veracity compels me to say what I think. A +case I met goes far to prove it. In the hospital with me +was a broken-down old gardener who had seen better days, and was +in receipt of a pension of five shillings a week from a former +employer. This pittance, however conclusive it might be of +his comparative honesty, was wholly inadequate to procure medical +comforts for rheumatic gout, to which he was a martyr. He +next appears at a police court for having a pig in his yard, +which he had driven in from the street, and then informed the +police. There can be only one solution of this act, for he +was a man of sixty, beyond absolute want, and had never seen the +inside of a prison before. He had now attained his object, +and was undergoing three months’ imprisonment, during all +which time he was in hospital. I saw him on admission, a +cripple, crumpled up and half-starved, and I saw him every day +swaddled in cotton wool, <a name="page323"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 323</span>his limbs frequently fomented, and +fed on the daintiest luxuries. This man was one of the few +I met who was grateful for the care bestowed on him, and honest +enough to wish he had had six instead of three months’ +imprisonment. I saw him on the day of his discharge, +comparatively cured, and wondered how long it would be before he +again caught the right sow by the ear. A disadvantage that +patients have to suffer from is the architectural construction of +the ward: it unites the two angles of the prison, and +necessitates its being traversed in its entire length by every +official going his rounds. On these occasions great +inconsideration is shown, the orange-peel delinquent of chapel +notoriety being peculiarly offensive in the unnecessary noise he +made. I heard him on one occasion complain to the warder, +that a patient, who was almost <i>in extremis</i> at the time, +was “too lazy to look up.”</p> +<p>During my retirement I saw more than one painful death-scene; +the one that made the most unpleasant impression on me was that +of a living skeleton, who seemed incapable of dying, although too +weak to do anything but blaspheme dreadfully, <a +name="page324"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 324</span>and keep up +one incessant groan. He was a man of sixty, and had been in +his time the best known and expertest of swell-mobsmen. He +had not a relation in the world, and although offered his +discharge months before, had nowhere or no one to whom he could +go. I saw this man dying for weeks, and eventually stood at +his bedside when he took his last gasp. This man had been +either a convict or undergoing imprisonment for the last twenty +years, and the crime that led to his death in Coldbath was the +sacrilege of putting a counterfeit half-crown into a collection +plate, and taking out as change a genuine florin. One of +the cleaners—an unmitigated thief, but sufficiently good to +have qualified for staff employ—had told the warder the day +before his death that he knew him to be acquainted with certain +persons he named; and with the consideration that characterizes +the treatment of prisoners in hospital, no pains were spared to +discover the creatures. I saw them next day (two females, +known to every policeman in London, the one as the keeper of a +thieves’ lodging-house, the other as a +“decoy”), actuated by no motive but curiosity and the +intimation they had <a name="page325"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 325</span>received, standing at the dying +man’s bed in their tawdry finery, in company with the +priest as attired in chasuble and stole he pronounced the extreme +unction for dying sinners. The dying man, the kindly +priest, the tawdry females, and the surroundings, formed a +picture truly awful, and baffling description. But the end +had not yet come; and as the room was again left to its normal +condition, banter reassumed its sway, and bets began to be made +as to the probable hour of his death. Pots of tea and +bread-and-butter were freely wagered, and yet through the +livelong night the dying groans, getting feebler and feebler, +told how the swell-mobsman was still tussling with death. +At five in the morning the end was evidently at hand, and +slipping on my clothes, I joined the knot of men attracted to the +bedside. The man was happily unconscious; and as the +excitement of the sweepstake increased, I can only compare it to +the game of roulette, when the ball almost rolls into one +compartment and then topples into the next; and “He’s +dead now,” “No, he isn’t,” +“That’s his last,” followed gasp after gasp, +till at a few minutes to six a profound silence <a +name="page326"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 326</span>announced +that the swell-mobsman was gone. (It is only fair to state +that much of this occurred unknown to the solitary warder, for +what was one amongst so many?) By this time the prison bell +was ringing, and the place was astir as day and night warders +relieved one another. To stretch, strip, and carry him out +of bed were the work of a moment; and what had been a living man +a few seconds before had been washed, laid out, rolled in a +blanket, and carried to the dead-house in less time than I have +taken to write it.</p> +<p>The washing and laying out of a corpse is too dreadful to pass +unnoticed. This necessary but revolting ceremony is +performed in the kitchen. I saw the corpse divested of all +clothing, lying on the top of the bath, in the centre of the +kitchen, with the kettle boiling within a yard of it, and +surrounded by pots and pans and other paraphernalia in daily +use. The stench that pervaded the kitchen after this +ceremony was so apparent (nor could it be got rid of for days) +that I was absolutely unable to eat anything that had passed +through it, and for days subsisted on the insides of <a +name="page327"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 327</span>loaves and +eggs, as the only places where the flavour of potted pickpocket +did not appear to have penetrated. This washing of corpses +and the “itch bath” in a hospital kitchen is as great +a scandal as ever was perpetrated by any Government.</p> +<p>The dead-house is a primitive establishment, and cannot even +be divested of superfluous officialism. Its entire contents +consist of a slab and a wooden block for the head of the corpse, +and yet it boasted of an inventory board. This latter +absurdity is conspicuously displayed, and reads—</p> +<blockquote><p style="text-align: center">“ONE +TABLE.”</p> +<p style="text-align: center">“ONE BLOCK.”</p> +</blockquote> +<p>Another death I saw was even more awful in its +suddenness. It was during dinner when some five or six +patients were devouring their chops. One man, that was +conspicuous for his habitual voracity, had left the table whilst +waiting for the pudding. As he passed his bed he toppled +over and was dead. The cook, with the characteristic +officiousness of the criminal class, rushed out of the kitchen <a +name="page328"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 328</span>with a +saucepan full of rice pudding in his hand, and began to assist at +the ghastly manipulation. I was within a foot of him, and +saw the wretch brush off a tear from the dead man’s eye, +which he then proceeded to close; he then resumed his culinary +duties, and gave the saucepan a stir. Rice pudding, I +understand, is liable to “stick” to the pot; for my +part, I made a vow to “stick” to dry bread; indeed, I +never see one now without being reminded of this disgusting +scene.</p> +<p>I was now beginning to yearn for tobacco. For some days +past my illness had indisposed me for it; besides, my +arrangements had been upset by my sudden admission into +hospital. To communicate with one of my agents, although by +no means difficult, was a question of opportunity. I was +particularly anxious, too, not to be suspected of breaking a +rule, for though it could only have been interpreted as a breach +of discipline to be dealt with by the Executive, I found it +difficult to divest myself of the notion it would appear +ungracious towards my kind physicians if I transgressed any rule +whilst in hospital. But my craving increased, and as I +could not eat, and to smoke I was afraid, <a +name="page329"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 329</span>and +consoling myself with the assurance that what the eye does not +see, the heart does not feel, I decided, in the burning words of +Bishop Heber, to “mind my eye and blaze away.”</p> +<p>My position necessitated my breaking a fundamental rule of my +principle, and I confided in a rascally cleaner. I had, +indeed, no alternative, for, though by the confidence I increased +the chances of detection, I minimized and almost precluded the +possibility of the ownership being brought home to me. My +first anxiety was to find a place, for between my mattresses was +out of the question, and I at length decided on the flooring; but +selecting a plank and removing the nails are two different +things, and I should have been defeated at the very outset. +Chance, however, favoured me; and one day, to my great delight, a +ram was caught in the thicket, in the shape of a carpenter, come +to repair a window. As opportunity offered, I pointed out +to him a short plank, and leaving the room, said, “I shall +be back in ten minutes; meanwhile, if you remove those nails, and +replace the plank so as not to be observable, I’ll give you +as much grub as you can carry away.” These +instructions <a name="page330"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +330</span>would have been ample, but fearing his zeal to earn the +food might outrun his discretion, I popped my head in and added, +“If you’re caught messing about, kindly remember I +know nothing about it.” This will hardly be deemed +chivalrous, though strictly in accordance with etiquette in giddy +Clerkenwell. Being satisfied with his work, but dreading to +explore my secret cave, I told a cleaner to collect all the spare +bread-and-butter he could find. So well did he carry out my +request that he shortly appeared with thirty-eight slices, but so +bulky was the quantity that it was necessary to smuggle it in, +and the coal-scuttle was pressed into the service; but my +carpenter did not object, and, removing the lump that concealed +it from the vulgar (turnkey) gaze, proceeded to devour it. +With his mouth full of one slice and shoving in another, he +occasionally gargled out, “This is a treat!” +“This is jam!” until sixteen slices had +disappeared. He now began to show signs of distress, and +secreted the rest inside his shirt; but what between the sixteen +slices inside and the twenty-two outside, his dimensions had so +increased that detection was a certainty. I therefore +refused <a name="page331"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +331</span>to let him leave unless he swallowed eight +more—just to make an even two dozen—and the unhappy +man again began. I can see him now, sitting on the +window-sill, pretending to hammer, his eyes starting out of his +head, imploring me to “let it be;” but I was firm, +and had not the remotest intention of jeopardising my position by +any such weakness. As the last piece disappeared, he was +speechless, and I almost feared he was choked; but my mind was +considerably relieved by his asking me, for mercy’s sake, +to give him a drop of water. But there was none in the +room, and, telling him it was all nonsense, and that the walk +downstairs would make it all right, saw him leave the room with +considerable satisfaction.</p> +<p>That evening I explored my cavern, which surpassed my fondest +expectations; the architect must have put it there on purpose, so +admirably was it adapted. Lifting up the eighteen-inch +plank, I discovered a hollow place about six inches deep and two +feet square. I now lost no time in getting my supplies, +and, making a bag, at once filled it with paper, envelopes, a +knife, pencil, and <a name="page332"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +332</span>a cake of tobacco. From 6 to 7 <span +class="GutSmall">A.M.</span> was my favourite hour for writing +and other business. I then carefully replaced my treasures, +and sent off my letters, leaving nothing criminating about me +except five or six atoms of tobacco, which I would have swallowed +rather than that they should have been discovered. There +were several advantages connected with a choice of this +hour. In it one was perfectly safe from interference; so +busy, indeed, was everybody, that the orange-peel man, who was +busy counting and inspecting, and the other officials sending off +night reports, would never have dreamt of anyone devoting this +particular hour to the breach of a dozen rules.</p> +<p>As time wore on, I began to dread the detection of my +hiding-place; so conspicuous, too, did it appear to my guilty +conscience that I determined to abandon it. The light +seemed to pour on its well-worn crevices, the Governor stood on +it twice or thrice a week, the surgeons crossed it a dozen times +a day, warders absolutely hovered over it all day long; so I +communicated with the cleaner, and entered into an arrangement +whereby, for a consideration of food and a piece of tobacco +daily, he <a name="page333"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +333</span>was to secrete my bag elsewhere. I felt it was +madness to trust a confirmed thief, but there was no alternative; +and within a week I discovered the fallacy of there being any +honour amongst thieves, and the brute I had treated with the +greatest liberality stole my bag, and came to me with a whining +tale of how it had been discovered and taken away. It never +alarmed me, as it would had I really believed him; and shortly +after the whole conspiracy was revealed to me by about the only +reliable prisoner amongst them, and I had undoubted proof of the +complicity of every cleaner in the place.</p> +<p style="text-align: center"> +<a href="images/p333b.jpg"> +<img alt= +"“Whence comest thou, Gehazi?” (An exhortation to +repentance)" +title= +"“Whence comest thou, Gehazi?” (An exhortation to +repentance)" +src="images/p333s.jpg" /> +</a></p> +<p>My weary afternoons I usually beguiled by pantomimic +love-passages with a frowsy damsel in a neighbouring house. +Our acquaintance began as I watched a portion of her graceful +form bulging over a window-sill she was cleaning at the time, +which ripened into such an intimacy, that day by day we looked +out for each other, and exchanged such protestations of devotion +as might be conveyed by her holding up to me portions of her +employer’s eatables, such as eggs and once a steak, which I +gracefully reciprocated by exposing Government <a +name="page334"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 334</span>property, +such as a medicine bottle and occasionally +bread-and-butter. Graceful Selina! may my successor have +been more worthy of your innocent virgin heart!</p> +<h2><a name="page335"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +335</span>CHAPTER XXVI.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">BURGLARS “I HAVE +MET.”</span></h2> +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> number of admissions into +hospital about this time necessitated my having a companion +billeted on me, an unfortunate Frenchman, utterly oblivious of +any language but his own; and as it turned out that his +attainments in English were exactly of the same extent as that of +the warders in French, there seemed to be an impassable gulf +fixed between all communication of ideas, if either party had +happened to possess any. He was complaining to me one day +of the disadvantage he laboured under, and described the usual +conversation that took place daily between himself and the +hospital warder.</p> +<p>“Well, are you better?”</p> +<p>“No, sare.”</p> +<p>“O, all right.”</p> +<p>“<i>Voilà mon ami</i>. What do you +tink?”</p> +<p><a name="page336"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 336</span>My +companion, I was gratified to observe, was gradually mastering +some of the idioms of our language.</p> +<p>Not long after, an extraordinary creature was admitted as a +patient, and I cannot to this day say what his nationality was, +although I am inclined to believe his language was some kind of +Russian <i>patois</i>. Nobody could make head or tail of +him, and a distracted warder, in this dilemma recollecting my +success with the “other foreigner” and doubtless +giving me credit for a knowledge of every language of the earth +besides a few of the lunar ones, came and asked me to try and +understand him. My knowledge of outlandish languages is not +remarkably extensive (it is confined, I may state, to the +Hottentot word for “rice” and the Chinese for +“smoke”), and as no one appeared to have a Russian +dictionary, I addressed him in Hindustani, considering that in +point of longitude it came geographically nearest the +Russian. He at once replied in a rambling speech, throwing +his arms about and beating his chest; and though I am convinced +he understood no more of my speech than I had of his, my +reputation was established, the more so as he had no means of <a +name="page337"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 337</span>betraying +my secret. Having then explained to the warder that he +complained of pains in the chest, and would prefer an egg beaten +in his tea instead of boiled (a change I considered unlikely to +materially affect his complaint), I retired to my apartment.</p> +<p>I now for the first time came into personal collision with the +chaplain. For weeks and months circumstances, and possibly +choice, had kept us apart, nor had we exchanged a word since the +eventful day when he discovered that an “unconfirmed” +sinner stood before him. It was during prayers (a movable +feast indulged in three mornings a week at the chaplain’s +convenience) that I was referring to a book on the table in hopes +of finding the particular extract he was reading. Failing +in that I replaced the book, and resumed my hypocritical +solemnity, in blissful ignorance of any impropriety. The +holy man, however, thought otherwise, and hissed out at +me—</p> +<p>“I consider your behaviour impertinent to me, and +disrespectful to God.”</p> +<p>At first I retained my equanimity, for he was incapable of +raising my ire; and I assured him what my object had been, and +reminded him I was <a name="page338"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +338</span>a Presbyterian. At this his rage knew no bounds, +and sneering in a manner unworthy of a clergyman (I won’t +say a gentleman), he said—</p> +<p>“A Presbyterian, are you? Ah, I thought you +didn’t belong to the Church of England!”</p> +<p>I soon got the unhappy man’s back up. I assured +him I was indifferent to his opinion, and added I was proud to +belong to a Church where such intolerant views were not expressed +by its ministers. This undignified scene was heartily +enjoyed by twenty prisoners and warders, all of whom assured me I +had had considerably the best of it. I intended to have +paraded him before the visiting Justices, but common sense +prevailed, and I should have ignored his further existence had it +not been for a petty spite he indulged in shortly after. As +I have before stated, the library books are under his special +care. During my long illness I had waded through this +“special” catalogue till I had reached number 21, and +in the course of events might naturally hope to receive number 22 +next. In this, however, I had made a miscalculation, and +his Reverence decided that a school edition (the eighth I had +read) of the History of England was a more wholesome dietary for +a <a name="page339"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +339</span>bumptious Presbyterian. I was convinced the +mistake was not unintentional, but, anxious to give him an +opportunity of gracefully retracting a contemptible action, I +sent the following day to point out his oversight. The +reply was, as I expected, “If he does not choose to have it +let him go without.” I reported the matter to the +Governor, who at once offered to place the matter before the +visiting Justices, as he had no jurisdiction in the matter; but I +decided that the man and his book were neither worth it. I +should now, under ordinary circumstances, have been left entirely +bookless—a contingency in my case that did not occur. +It also gave me the opportunity of reading “The General +History of the Church,” a well-written and exhaustive work +by the Abbé Daras, supplied for the use of Roman +Catholics. The superiority of the +literature—religious and profane—selected and +supplied by the Roman Catholic chaplain, together with his +personal merit and gentlemanly bearing, makes Romanism a +formidable rival to the “Established” Religion as +dispensed at Coldbath. To judge by the jealousy that exists +in a certain quarter, it is evident this superiority is realized +elsewhere. But the <a name="page340"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 340</span>circumstance was not unnoticed by my +lynx-eyed, ghostly comforter. On many occasions I have seen +him watching, as if he would have liked—had he +dared—to ask me what I was reading; but he confined himself +to discussing me with the warders, with such remarks as, “I +see he’s got hold of something,” or +“What’s that he’s reading?” all of which +was duly reported to me. I feel I have given undue +importance to this contemptible squabble; but I look on it as a +tilt between sects, a tussle between an Episcopalian divine, +armed with authority, and a Nonconformist, placed at a +considerable disadvantage, and where—had I been in a +position to do so—I should have left the room—as the +Governor once did the Chapel when unmeasured and ill-advised +criticism was being lavished on Dissenters. The guilt of +schism lay heavily on this orthodox Churchman’s +heart. I say schism, for I call it such of the most +culpable type that ignores the insignia of Divine sanction +accorded to the Ministry and people of Nonconformity. I +would ask this bigoted Episcopalian what he thinks of Richard +Baxter, Livingston, John Horne, Wesley, Whitfield, Chalmers, +Candlish, Caird, Guthrie, McLeod, names only to be <a +name="page341"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 341</span>mentioned +to inspire veneration, and yet these were all Nonconformists of +one denomination or another. Surely, if Divine grace finds +and fashions such men, they may be considered as entitled to at +least respect from clergymen and gentlemen, who, if they do not +agree in their respective tenets, may at least abstain from +unmeasured abuse of them and their followers! Arrogance +anywhere is bad, but is doubly so when men who claim to be +disciples of the meek and lowly Jesus set such an example by +their narrow-minded remarks about Nonconformity. The Church +of England is a venerable and illustrious section of the true +Church, and unlikely to have its fair fame sullied by the ravings +of a nameless ranter. But it becomes a question, is a +chaplain with such extreme views, so uncompromising in his +denunciations, so unguarded in his language, so ungovernable in +his temper, the sort of person for a prison chaplain, or one +likely to convert sinners from the error of their ways? God +forbid that my remarks should be mistaken. I do not aspire +to be considered either a ranter or a hypocrite, but I respect +and never fail to detect religion, and despise its base +counterfeit wherever and in whomsoever I find it; and if I can +hear the <a name="page342"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +342</span>“old story” ungarnished by rhetoric, I care +not whether it emanates from Episcopalian, Presbyterian, or +Nonconformist of whatever denomination.</p> +<p>That this is a very small world was demonstrated to me during +a conversation I once had with a fellow prisoner. He was a +decent, educated man, and had been in a pawnbroker’s +establishment. Our conversation one night turned on things +theatrical, and he was giving me some interesting experiences of +the “ladies” he had met at various times on +business. He asked me if I knew Mrs. —, and I said I +had spoken to the old hag. He then proceeded to tell me +what a constant customer she had been in former days, and how her +contributions had varied from woollen rags one week to valuable +jewellery another. It was then that a circumstance was +brought to my mind—told me some three years ago by a lovely +and accomplished actress, since retired from the stage—of +how a popular burlesque artiste in the same theatre had once lost +a valuable jewel, and how suspicion pointed at this identical old +woman, who had a girl at the theatre. I asked him if he +recollected anything about it, and he at once proceeded to give +me details that convinced me that <a name="page343"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 343</span>the pendant he referred to was one +and the same as that which had mysteriously disappeared, and that +the suspicions formed a few years ago might have been very fully +confirmed had a visit been paid to an establishment not a hundred +miles from Tottenham Court Road.</p> +<p>During my illness I had at different times the services of the +various cleaners in making my bed, brushing the floor, and +bringing in my meals, and I invariably extracted anything of +interest about their previous careers. My first was an +unmitigated young “till thief.” This is a +special branch of the profession, requiring assurance rather than +dexterity, and consists in watching your opportunity when the +shop is empty, and then making a dash for the till or +cash-box. My valet had apparently been eminently fortunate, +and although he had undergone a previous twelve months, had +escaped detection a score of times. He was then undergoing +a lengthened seclusion for an unforeseen occurrence, which he in +no way considered as a reflection on his prowess. He had, +it appears, entered a confiding lamp-dealer’s, and finding +the shop conveniently empty, and the cashbox conspicuously +displayed, had done his <a name="page344"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 344</span>business, and proceeded to leave the +premises. A swinging glass door, however, unfortunately +intervened between the shop and the street, which in the +excitement he pushed the wrong way, and in some way jammed. +This little delay made a difference in his and the +shopman’s respective accounts of about £45. On +another occasion he found himself in a +corn-chandler’s—a class that is proverbially +considerate in avoiding superfluous obstacles to a hurried +exit,—and whilst helping himself to the till, a customer +came in, who, seeing him engaged, asked for a pennyworth of +barley; to this he obligingly served her, added the cumbrous coin +to his other findings, and then complacently left the shop. +This individual was a special pet with the turnkeys, and as +such—combined with his trustworthy reputation—was +invariably selected for expeditions to the various stores. +His special talent here stood him in good stead, and he never +returned without having stolen three or four eggs, a handful of +flour, or a lump of soap. Indeed, so inherent was the +spirit for thieving, that if all else failed, he would annex +physic, and I have often seen him with bottles of quinine and +iron mixture. This latter forms a considerable <a +name="page345"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 345</span>article of +commerce, and is much sought after and bartered (never mind how +or where) for advantages of a more palatable type. A short +time before his discharge I advised him to drop the cash-box +game, and he assured me he had quite determined to “turn it +up.” Within a week he had been re-convicted, and is +at present undergoing seven years’ penal servitude. +In my next valet I was considerably disappointed. Although +an unmitigated thief, I fancied I detected some redeeming +features. I talked to him frequently, and treated him with +as much kindness as a man with my circumscribed means had +probably ever been able to. In return he assisted to rob me +of contraband things, of which he always had a liberal +share. He had been a lieutenant (in burglary) of the late +Mr. Peace, and often discussed that eminent man with evident +regret. He had been with him in various minor affairs, and +through his entire career had never been +“nabbed.” His present incarceration was the +result of treachery, where a less fortunate associate had rounded +on him, and he was arrested a week after. He often hoped to +meet him outside, though an incident that occurred will +necessitate a postponement of the pleasure. A <a +name="page346"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 346</span>batch of +convicts, <i>en route</i> to penal servitude, were one day being +medically examined by the surgeon (a new regulation lately come +into force), amongst whom my valet recognised his <i>quasi</i> +friend, the informer. The interview took place near the +kitchen, where my man was cooking a chop, the surgery being next +door, at which the convicts were ranged. “And what +did you say?” I enquired. “Say!” he +replied, “I slapped my stomach to show ’im I was all +right, and then I says, ‘You looks ’orrid ill, you +—; you’ll never do it; thank God, ’twill kill +yer.’”</p> +<p>A pleasant prelude to ten years’ penal servitude.</p> +<p>I am indebted to this noble-minded creature for many hints as +to how burglaries are concocted and how best guarded against, and +I am of opinion that attention to them will do more to obviate +their frequency than all the absurd warnings as to window +shutters and area gates, that periodically emanate from Scotland +Yard. No burglary is ever attempted on chance; in fact, no +house is ever entered except on exact and reliable +information. This is usually obtained through a frivolous +maidservant (in which case a delay of weeks may be necessary for +love-making), a rascally butler, or the <a +name="page347"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 347</span>local +chimney-sweep. The information chiefly sought after is the +strength of the garrison (whether males or females), the class of +valuables (whether plate or jewellery), their usual locality, and +the habits of the occupants. With this as a basis, the +house is watched for days and weeks, in order that a confirmation +of the information may be obtained. The time preferred is +when the night police are in the act of relieving the day men, +and if that should be inconvenient (to the burglar), between the +night patrols. All this may appear ridiculous, but I give +it as the testimony of a notorious burglar, imparted to me in +good faith, under exceptionally favourable circumstances for +hearing the truth, and if acted on will materially increase the +security of householders.</p> +<p>I asked my mentor his opinion about window shutters and door +bolts, at which he absolutely laughed. No burglary is ever +attempted through a window unless considerately left open. +The front door is the invariable point of attack, as most +favourable for ingress and a precipitate retreat, and under +occasional circumstances the area. The operation never +takes more than twenty minutes, as is erroneously supposed, the +object being to be in and out again between the periodical +promenade <a name="page348"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +348</span>of the policeman. These nocturnal strolls are +accurately calculated, and the precision with which they are +performed, however admirable from a disciplinary point of view, +are totally inappropriate as deterrents to burglaries.</p> +<p>“But suppose,” I asked, “a person said to +you, ‘I’ve only got so-and-so in the house—you +can have that’: would you be satisfied?”</p> +<p>“Satisfied?” he replied. “No, we knows +jolly well what there is afore we comes; and, for the matter of +that, there’s no time for talk. We goes straight for +the swag, and if anyone tries to ’inder us, we’re +bound to let ’im ’ave the jemmy right across the +face. That’s ’ow poor Peace got ’imself +into trouble fust.” He then went on to tell me that +he had a lovely (!) little jemmy about eighteen inches long and +tipped with the finest tempered steel, capable of being carried +up the sleeve, and so fine that it could be inserted into the +smallest crack or hinge; “And,” he added, “once +let me get ’is nose in, and make no mistake, I walks in +very soon arter.”</p> +<p>This gentleman’s testimony is worthy of +consideration. He was associated, as he informed me, with +the butler in a well-known burglary of plate <a +name="page349"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 349</span>somewhere +in Kensington, and where the butler, being knave enough to rob +his master, was fool enough to entrust a large portion of the +proceeds to his confederate to melt down and divide. As I +understood him, half only of this bargain was carried out in its +integrity.</p> +<p>The secrecy with which foolish women fancy they put away their +jewels in secure safes let into the wall is a labour lost in +vain. Their hiding-place is thoroughly well known, and +probably its value, and other useful particulars. That they +have hitherto escaped is merely an accident of time and +opportunity; that they will ultimately be victimized is a +foregone conclusion. The moral to be gleaned from this is, +to be sure of your servants, a fool being almost as dangerous as +a knave, and to abstain from flashing your jewellery before eager +eyes, only too ready for a clue to its whereabouts.</p> +<p>If after this disinterested advice unprotected women are fools +enough to barricade themselves and their treasures in defenceless +houses, they have only themselves to thank. They should be +careful, however, not to waste their visitor’s time when +confronted by his “bull’s-eye,” as burglars are +<a name="page350"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +350</span>proverbially children of impulse. Houses +containing little or nothing of value are never burglariously +entered. Men won’t risk penal servitude on a chance; +the prize and its price have been carefully calculated.</p> +<h2><a name="page351"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +351</span>CHAPTER XXVII.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">“JUSTICE TEMPERED WITH +MERCY.”</span></h2> +<p>I <span class="smcap">had</span> now been many months in +hospital, though all the care and kindness I received seemed +incapable of improving my condition. Strengthening +medicines, stimulants, tonics, all failed to rouse me, and the +tempting food, that I had only to suggest to have provided, could +not induce me to eat. I was subjected to a minute medical +examination, and my lung was found to be affected. Later on +a further examination proved that the malady was slowly +progressing. To remain in prison was certain death, so my +case was submitted to the Home Secretary, who, with the humanity +that has characterised his tenure of office, ordered my immediate +discharge. I shall never forget the morning when an +impulsive turnkey rushed into my room, and saying, +“It’s come!” hurriedly disappeared, and I +understood that her Majesty’s gracious pardon had arrived, +and I was free.</p> +<p><a name="page352"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 352</span>The +preliminaries for departure were somewhat long in my case, and it +was nearly eleven o’clock before I bade adieu to gloomy +Clerkenwell. I had, however, been by no means idle. +The resumption of my clothing was a matter of time and +difficulty; and though they had, by the kindness of the Governor, +been considerably taken in to suit my diminished proportions +(eighteen inches in the girth and seven stone in weight), +retained a hang-down appearance in the vicinity of the neck and +shoulders, that involved an immense expenditure of pins and +ingenuity. The clothes of prisoners after admission into +prison are, as a rule, subjected to a very necessary +process. I do not know whether any discretionary power +exists as to dispensing with the rule in certain cases, but it +seemed incredible that mine should have undergone the usual +formula without retaining a vestige of the fact. Clothes +are, however, subjected to a process of modified cremation, and +placed in airtight lockers, and smoked in a phosphoric +preparation supposed to be antagonistic to the respiratory organs +of creeping things. But the smell of fire had not passed +over mine, and I can only suppose that the ceremony had been +dispensed with as a <a name="page353"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 353</span>graceful compliment to the executors +of my deceased tailor, whose representative I last met at the +“House of Detention.” My hat, too, had either +considerably expanded, or my head had considerably contracted, +for it necessitated at least a yard of brown paper between the +brim and my cranium, before being padded to wearable +dimensions.</p> +<p>As I passed through the office, I caught the first glimpse of +myself in a respectably-sized looking-glass, and could hardly +believe that the scarecrow I saw was really myself. But +what mattered it if I had half a lung more or less than of +yore?—I was free! I was not going to die in prison, +and contribute in my person an additional item to the dead-house +inventory board.</p> +<p>With what different sensations did I again find myself in the +office which I had not entered since my arrival some months +before. It seemed as if all the formula would never be +completed, and I would almost have foregone the handsome donation +of ten shillings I had earned for laming malefactors to have got +out a moment earlier. But business is business, and the +labourer is worthy of <a name="page354"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 354</span>his hire, and in a few moments I had +received a rare gold coin (at least so it appeared to me at the +time), known as half-a-sovereign. The warder that had +accompanied me from the hospital now sent for a cab, and as I +drove through the ponderous gate a load appeared to fall off my +mind, and though shattered in health, as I breathed the free air +of a London fog, my lungs began to expand as they had not done +for months.</p> +<p>The usual hour for the jail delivery is 9 <span +class="GutSmall">A.M.</span>, when gangs, varying from ten to a +hundred, are daily discharged. As they pass the wicket one +by one, each man is presented with a breakfast order, entitling +him to an unlimited supply of coffee and bread-and-butter at an +adjoining tavern. This kindly act takes its origin from a +private source that cannot be too highly commended, and though I +failed in discovering its identity, understand it is in no way +connected with the “Prisoners’ Aid +Society.” Every detail connected with a prisoner on +discharge reflects credit on the Government. A vagrant +enters prison hungry, filthy, and penniless. He again +emerges with his linen washed, his clothes fumigated, money in +his pocket, and <a name="page355"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +355</span>provided with an ample breakfast. Such treatment +has not its parallel in any other country in Europe, and I cannot +refrain from offering my testimony in opposition to the usually +accepted and erroneous impression, and confidently assert that +the British criminal is, if anything, far too generously treated +in every respect.</p> +<p>On my way I stopped at a tobacconist’s and bought the +biggest cigar I could find. It was, I believe, a good one, +though for aught I knew it might have been brown paper. My +sense of taste had apparently forsaken me, and it was days before +I lost the sensation of having sucked a halfpenny. A friend +I met soon after did not at first recognise me. “Good +gracious!” he said, as he looked at my diminished +circumference, “you’re not half the size you +were.” “My dear fellow,” I replied, +“you forget I’ve been lately +<i>confined</i>.”</p> +<p>The sense of taste that had apparently forsaken me was for a +time accompanied by a loss of voice; at least it seemed so, for +acting on the force of habit, I could not bring myself to +speaking above a whisper; and a waiter at the — Hotel +seemed to think he was serving a lunatic as I asked him <a +name="page356"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 356</span>in a +mysterious whisper for a pint of champagne. But the events +of the day were too much for my strength, and before 7 that +evening I had fainted, and was again in bed, under the care of an +eminent physician. A careful examination next day confirmed +the opinion of the prison surgeons, and I was ordered forthwith +to the South of France, or anywhere from cruel London. Door +handles caused me considerable surprise for days: they appeared, +indeed, as superfluous additions that I was totally unaccustomed +to. A morbid craving for old newspapers now seized me, and +I again discovered the importance that seemed to attach itself to +my late escapades. I am happily not a vain or unreasonable +being: had I been so I might have found ample grounds for either +when called upon to pay sixpence for a <i>Daily Telegraph</i>, +and one shilling for a <i>Truth</i> at their respective offices, +for copies containing references to my case. As it was, I +merely concluded that the bump of avarice was equally developed +in the Jew and the Gentile newsvendor.</p> +<p>And now the time has come to close my reminiscences. To +continue them would be apt to lead <a name="page357"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 357</span>me into drivel, an adjunct I have +tried to avoid. I make no attempt at justifying my +work—though as a literary production it is beneath +criticism—being quite aware that many will consider my +resuscitating the past an act of bravado. In this I cannot +agree with them, for though guilty of a portion of the offence +with which I was charged, and which I unhesitatingly admitted, I +am happy to know that cruel circumstances prevented my refuting +at the time a fraction of the thousand and one lies that were +laid to my charge. Not the most trivial incident appears to +have passed unnoticed, and the omission to pay for a pennyworth +of bloaters has been since transformed into a crime, and carried, +as only cowards can, to quarters most likely to injure me. +And one scurrilous society journal, notorious for its +“enterprise” rather than its “truth,” had +the impudence to hint that I had made money at cards by foul play +(I who have lost a fortune by gambling); but this I attribute to +personal malice, and in return for my once publishing a scheme of +a shady nature projected by its owner. This precious +prospectus is in my possession, and at the service of any one +with a taste <a name="page358"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +358</span>for the perusal of rascally documents. I had +indeed intended publishing it, but ultimately decided not to add +to this volume of horrors, on the principle that “two +blacks don’t make a white.” Whether it sees the +daylight at the next general election is another affair. +The marvel is I have not been associated with the “Clapham +Junction Mystery,” or discovered to be the chief of the +Russian Nihilists. These remarks are not incapable of +corroboration. The link then missing has since been found; +and more than one lawyer, and a certain high official, know the +truth; and the only deterrent to a very thorough +<i>résumé</i> of the case is the pain it would +cause to others. For my own part, I should not object, and +if any shadow of the “possibility” of the truth +lurking in my assertion is to be extracted, it may commend itself +by the publicity I have given to my experiences—a frankness +not usually associated with <i>unmitigated</i> guilt. But +after all, is it worth it? For my part, I value the +world’s patronage as much as I do its odium. +I’ve tested and accurately appraised both!</p> +<p>My motive, too, has been to present prison life in a truer +light than I have hitherto seen <a name="page359"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 359</span>described, and, with a few trifling +exceptions, and a necessary transposition of names and places, to +give the outer world an insight into that mysterious community +that lives and moves and has its being in their very midst. +The erroneous impression that exists as to the harsh treatment of +prisoners has, I trust, in a measure been removed. To +represent a prison as an elysium would be absurd. It is +intended as a deterrent, though considering the wild beasts it +has to deal with, it may be questioned whether it is not far too +considerate in the matter of food. Nor can it be denied +that the rules are framed, and their execution carried out by +officials actuated as a body by humane and honourable +principles. That there are black sheep in every grade must +also be conceded, and if their responsibilities were curtailed, +and in some cases transferred, considerable advantage would, I +think, ensue. A man of education and worldly experience, +circumstanced as I was, is probably capable of forming a juster +estimate of things as they really exist than a Governor or any +otherwise well-informed individual: and as my remarks have been +suggested in no spirit of acrimony, but, <a +name="page360"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 360</span>on the +contrary, under a sense of obligation, it is to be hoped that the +seed sown in Clerkenwell may bring forth fruit in +Whitehall. That my remarks are disinterested nobody will be +foolish enough to deny, and whether acted on or not is a matter +of perfect indifference to me. At the same time, a probe +here and an inquiry there will manifest the weak points of the +“system,” and convince the highest in authority that +there are more things in a prison than are dreamt of in their +philosophy. My conclusions have been drawn in a great +measure from the treatment of others. For my own part, I +often fancy my past experiences are a dream, so difficult is it +to believe that the treatment I received, and immunity from +degrading employment except in name, are compatible with +“imprisonment with hard labour.” And if even +one of the many objects I have aspired to is attained, the blank +that divides the past from the future will not have been endured +in vain.</p> +<h2><a name="page361"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +361</span>CHAPTER XXVIII.<br /> +<span class="GutSmall">A RETROSPECT.</span></h2> +<p>I <span class="smcap">cannot</span> conclude my story without +asking, What constitutes honesty? and if anybody can give a +really logical and satisfactory reply, I would ask him, Has he +ever met a really honest man?</p> +<p>In the conviction of being credited with a reprobate mind, I +freely admit my inability to answer either question +satisfactorily. It is my experience, indeed, that no such +thing as honesty—as at present understood—exists, and +that it is simply a question of time, circumstance, or +opportunity, although I have met many rich men who are credited +with this undefinable attribute. That men of means are +proverbially the best of fellows (I was once a “best +fellow” myself) need not be repeated, nor will I insult +your common sense, virtuous reader, who never did a shady thing +in your life, by telling you what everybody knows—that +their goodness <a name="page362"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +362</span>increases in proportion to their wealth. Whether +they are really honest is another question, and though no one +would credit them with theft, would they be equally exemplary in +regard to filthier and more nameless crimes? Why should a +rich man steal? As a class they are proverbially mean and +selfish. Why, then, should they worry themselves with such +unnecessary consequences? That the highest of the so-called +aristocracy are not above suspicion may be remembered, when some +well-known names were once associated with a nasty scandal not +entirely composed of strawberry leaves; and if their better +halves were like Cæsar’s wife, the immunity did not +extend to themselves. And a comparison of the men +undergoing penal servitude for huge commercial swindles, bogus +“cab companies,” and rascally prospectuses, with +others at large, less fortunate in finding dupes, only proves +that detection and want of opportunity have been left out of the +calculation; that “not proven” and +“guilty” are synonymous terms; and that at heart +prince and peasant, duke and dustman, are alike desperately +wicked. It was said, with a great deal of truth, that when +a certain projector contemplated another gigantic fraud on the +public <a name="page363"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +363</span>it was his invariable custom to preface the robbery by +building a church—a hint that was not lost on the observant +speculator. In the same way, when a person thrusts himself +into prominence as the self-constituted scourge of erring +humanity, and is offensively blatant in his denunciations of +fraud, it may be reasonably assumed in nine cases out of ten that +the man is an undiscovered rogue, and fairly qualified for +“Eighteen months’ imprisonment.”</p> + +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center">THE END.</p> + +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center"><span class="GutSmall">BRADBURY, +AGNEW, AND CO., PRINTERS, WHITEFRIARS.</span></p> + +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<h2><a name="page2_1"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +1</span>ADVERTISEMENTS.</h2> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>In the Press</i>.</p> +<p style="text-align: center">ADVICE TO STOUT<br /> +PEOPLE.</p> +<p style="text-align: center">A Pamphlet.</p> +<p style="text-align: center">SHOWING HOW I REDUCED FROM</p> +<p style="text-align: center">20 STONE TO 14 STONE.</p> +<p style="text-align: center"><span class="GutSmall">WITH FULL +PARTICULARS AS TO DIETARY</span><br /> +<span class="GutSmall">&c.</span></p> + +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center"><span class="smcap">By</span> +D— S—,</p> +<p style="text-align: center"><span class="GutSmall">LATE CAPTAIN +— REGIMENT.</span></p> + +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center"><b><i>Price 6d.</i></b></p> + +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center">LONDON:<br /> +GEORGE ROUTLEDGE AND SONS,</p> +<p style="text-align: center"><span +class="smcap">Broadway</span>, <span class="smcap">Ludgate +Hill</span>.<br /> +NEW YORK: 9, LAFAYETTE PLACE.</p> + +<div class="gapline"> </div> +<h3><a name="page2_2"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +2</span><i>Will shortly appear</i>.</h3> +<p style="text-align: center"><b>WHERE TO DINE</b></p> +<p style="text-align: center"><span class="GutSmall">AND +WHERE</span></p> +<p style="text-align: center"><b>NOT TO BORROW.</b></p> +<p style="text-align: center"><span class="GutSmall">A VERY +COMPLETE LIST OF</span></p> +<p style="text-align: center"><b>RESTAURANTS,</b></p> +<p style="text-align: center">WITH THEIR PECULIAR +SPECIALITIES;</p> +<p style="text-align: center"><span +class="GutSmall">AND</span></p> +<p style="text-align: center"><b>USURERS,</b></p> +<p style="text-align: center"><span class="GutSmall">COMPRISING +BARRISTERS, SOLICITORS, TRADESMEN, AND</span><br /> +<span class="GutSmall">PROFESSIONAL MONEY LENDERS.</span></p> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>FROM PRACTICAL +EXPERIENCE</i>.</p> + +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center"><span class="smcap">By</span> +D— S—</p> +<p style="text-align: center"><b><i>Price 1s.</i></b></p> + +<div class="gapline"> </div> +<table> +<tr> +<td><p style="text-align: center"><a name="page2_3"></a><span +class="pagenum">p. 3</span>Bread and<br /> +Biscuit<br /> +Bakers</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: center"> +<a href="images/p3b.jpg"> +<img alt= +"W. HILL AND SON ADVERTISEMENT HEADING AND COAT OF ARMS" +title= +"W. HILL AND SON ADVERTISEMENT HEADING AND COAT OF ARMS" +src="images/p3s.jpg" /> +</a></p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: center">To<br /> +Her Majesty<br /> +the Queen.</p> +</td> +</tr> +</table> +<p style="text-align: center"><b>W. HILL & SON,</b></p> +<p style="text-align: center"><span class="GutSmall">MAKERS +OF</span><br /> +<b>THE WHOLE MEAL UNFERMENTED</b><br /> +<b>BREAD AND BISCUITS.</b></p> + +<div class="gapmediumline"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center"><b>WHOLE MEAL PLAIN DIGESTIVE +BISCUITS,</b></p> +<p style="text-align: center"><b>At 2s. and 4s.6d. per +Tin.</b></p> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>Specially recommended to persons +inclined to Corpulency</i>.</p> + +<div class="gapshortline"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center"><span class="GutSmall">LIST OF +AGENTS FORWARDED.</span></p> + +<div class="gapshortline"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center"><span class="GutSmall">VANS +TRAVERSE LONDON DAILY.</span></p> + +<div class="gapmediumline"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center"><b>60, BISHOPSGATE STREET, +E.C.,</b><br /> +<span class="GutSmall">AND</span><br /> +<b>3, ALBERT MANSIONS, VICTORIA ST., S.W.,</b><br /> +<b>LONDON.</b></p> + +<div class="gapmediumline"> </div> +<p><i>W. HILL & SON forward 5s. worth or upwards of +Biscuits</i>, <i>carriage paid</i>, <i>to any Railway Station in +England</i>, <i>on receipt of remittance with order</i>.</p> + +<div class="gapline"> </div> +<h3><a name="page2_4"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +4</span>BIRKBECK BANK,</h3> +<p style="text-align: center">(<i>ESTABLISHED 1851</i>.)</p> +<p style="text-align: center">29 & 30, SOUTHAMPTON BUILDINGS, +CHANCERY LANE,</p> +<p style="text-align: center"><b>LONDON.</b></p> + +<div class="gapmediumline"> </div> +<p><span class="smcap">The</span> BIRKBECK BANK opens Drawing +Accounts with trading firms and private individuals upon the plan +usually adopted by other Bankers, but with the important +exception that it allows interest, at the rate of Two per cent. +per annum, on the minimum monthly balances, when not drawn below +£25. No Commission charged for keeping Accounts, +excepting under exceptional circumstances.</p> +<p>Money is received at Three per cent. interest on Deposit +Account, repayable without notice; but these Accounts cannot be +drawn upon by Cheque.</p> +<p>The Bank undertakes the custody of securities of customers, +and the collection of Bills of Exchange, Dividends, and +Coupons. Annuities, Stocks, and Shares purchased and sold, +and advances made thereon.</p> +<p>Letters of Credit, and Circular Notes issued for all parts of +the world.</p> +<p>The utmost facilities are afforded to those keeping Accounts +with the Bank for the receipt and payment of Annuities, and for +the transmission of money to the Colonies, the Continent, and +America. The Bank acts also as Agents for receiving the Pay +and Pensions of Officers of the Army and Navy, and their Widows +and Children, at home or abroad.</p> + +<div class="gapshortline"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center">ABSTRACT OF THIRTY-FIRST ANNUAL +BALANCE SHEET—<br /> +MARCH, 1882.</p> +<table> +<tr> +<td><p>Amount at Credit of Current and Deposit Accounts</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">£2,524,505</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Investments in the English Funds and other Convertible +Securities, and Cash in hand</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">£2,305,844</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Permanent Guarantee Fund, invested in Consols</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">£60,000</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Amount of Assets in excess of Liabilities</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">£143,114</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Number of Current and Deposit Accounts</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right">34,065</p> +</td> +</tr> +</table> +<p>The <span class="smcap">Birkbeck Bank</span> accepts neither +personal security for advances nor discounts bills for customers, +except with collateral security, so that it enjoys an immunity +from losses unknown to either joint-stock or private banks.</p> +<p>The Bank has no Branches or Agents. All Communications +should be addressed to—</p> +<p style="text-align: right">FRANCIS RAVENSCROFT, +<i>Manager</i>.</p> +<p><i>December</i> 1, 1882.</p> + +<div class="gapshortline"> </div> +<p><i>The number of the Birkbeck Bank in connexion with the +Telephone Exchange is</i> <b>2508</b>.</p> + +<div class="gapline"> </div> +<h3>The Birkbeck Building Society’s Annual Receipts<br /> +Exceed Four Millions.</h3> +<p><b>HOW TO PURCHASE A HOUSE for TWO GUINEAS</b> per +month. With Immediate Possession and no Rent to +pay.—Apply at the Office of thee <span +class="smcap">Birkbeck Building Society</span>.</p> +<p><b>HOW TO PURCHASE A PLOT OF LAND for FIVE SHILLINGS</b> per +month. With Immediate Possession, either for Building or +Gardening purposes.—Apply at the Office of the <span +class="smcap">Birkbeck Freehold Land Society</span>. A +Pamphlet, with full particulars, on application. FRANCIS +RAVENSCROFT, Manager, Southampton Buildings, Chancery Lane.</p> + +<div class="gapline"> </div> +<h3><a name="page2_5"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 5</span>LORD +LYTTON’S NOVELS.</h3> +<p style="text-align: center">KNEBWORTH EDITION.</p> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>In crown 8vo</i>, <i>cloth</i>, +<i>with frontispiece</i>, <i>price 3s. 6d. each Volume</i>.</p> +<table> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p>EUGENE ARAM.</p> +</td> +<td colspan="2"><p>THE CAXTONS.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p>NIGHT AND MORNING.</p> +</td> +<td colspan="2"><p>DEVEREUX.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p>PELHAM.</p> +</td> +<td colspan="2"><p>THE DISOWNED.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>MY NOVEL.</p> +</td> +<td><p><span class="smcap">Vol</span>. I.</p> +</td> +<td colspan="2"><p>GODOLPHIN.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>,, ,,</p> +</td> +<td><p><span class="smcap">Vol</span>. II.</p> +</td> +<td colspan="2"><p>A STRANGE STORY.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p>ERNEST MALTRAVERS.</p> +</td> +<td><p>WHAT WILL HE DO WITH IT?</p> +</td> +<td><p><span class="smcap">Vol</span>. I.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p>ALICE.</p> +</td> +<td><p>Do.</p> +</td> +<td><p><span class="smcap">Vol</span>. II.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p>THE LAST DAYS OF POMPEII.</p> +</td> +<td colspan="2"><p>LEILA; AND THE PILGRIMS OF THE RHINE.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p>HAROLD.</p> +</td> +<td colspan="2"><p>KENELM CHILLINGLY.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p>THE COMING RACE.</p> +</td> +<td><p>THE PARISIANS.</p> +</td> +<td><p><span class="smcap">Vol</span>. I.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p>ZANONI.</p> +</td> +<td><p>,, ,,</p> +</td> +<td><p><span class="smcap">Vol</span>. II.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p>PAUL CLIFFORD.</p> +</td> +<td colspan="2"><p>FALKLAND AND ZICCI.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p>RIENZI.</p> +</td> +<td colspan="2"><p>PAUSANIAS THE SPARTAN.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p>THE LAST OF THE BARONS.</p> +</td> +<td colspan="2"><p> </p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"><p>LUCRETIA.</p> +</td> +<td colspan="2"><p> </p> +</td> +</tr> +</table> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>The Complete Set</i>, <i>in 28 +vols.</i>, <i>£4 18s. 0d.</i></p> + +<div class="gapshortline"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>Also</i>, <i>uniform with the +above</i>,</p> +<p style="text-align: center"><b>LORD LYTTON’S +MISCELLANEOUS WORKS.</b></p> +<p style="text-align: center">KNEBWORTH EDITION.</p> +<table> +<tr> +<td><p>ENGLAND AND THE ENGLISH.</p> +</td> +<td colspan="2"><p>SCHILLER AND HORACE.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>ATHENS: ITS RISE AND FALL.</p> +</td> +<td colspan="2"><p>KING ARTHUR.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>THE STUDENT; AND ASMODEUS AT LARGE.</p> +</td> +<td colspan="2"><p>THE NEW TIMON, ST. STEPHEN’S, AND THE +LOST TALES OF MILETUS.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>CAXTONIANA.</p> +</td> +<td><p>DRAMATIC WORKS.</p> +</td> +<td><p><span class="smcap">Vol</span>. I.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>QUARTERLY ESSAYS.</p> +</td> +<td><p> ,, ,,</p> +</td> +<td><p><span class="smcap">Vol</span>. II.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>PAMPHLETS & SKETCHES.</p> +</td> +<td colspan="2"><p> </p> +</td> +</tr> +</table> + +<div class="gapshortline"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center">LONDON & NEW YORK: GEORGE +ROUTLEDGE & SONS.</p> + +<div class="gapline"> </div> +<h3><a name="page2_6"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +6</span>Uniform with the “Knebworth” Edition of Lord +Lytton’s Works</h3> +<p style="text-align: center">The “Harry Lorrequer” +Edition</p> +<p style="text-align: center">OF</p> +<p style="text-align: center">CHARLES LEVER’S NOVELS.</p> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>Price 3s. 6d. each Volume</i>, +<i>with Illustrations</i>.</p> + +<div class="gapshortline"> </div> +<table> +<tr> +<td><p style="text-align: center"><b>LIST OF THE SERIES.</b></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>HARRY LORREQUER.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>JACK HINTON.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>CHARLES O’MALLEY. 2 vols.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>ARTHUR O’LEARY.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>TOM BURKE. 2 vols.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>THE O’DONOGHUE.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>THE KNIGHT OF GWYNNE. 2 vols.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>ROLAND CASHEL. 2 vols.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>THE DALTONS. 2 vols.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD. 2 vols.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>SIR JASPER CAREW.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>MAURICE TIERNAY.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>CON CREGAN.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>THE FORTUNES OF GLENCORE.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>DAVENPORT DUNN. 2 vols.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>THE MARTINS O’ CRO MARTIN. 2 vols.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>ONE OF THEM.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>BARRINGTON.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>A DAY’S RIDE.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>LUTTRELL OF ARRAN.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>TONY BUTLER.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>SIR BROOKE FOSBROOKE.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>THE BRAMLEIGHS.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>THAT BOY OF NORCOTT’S.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>LORD KILGOBBIN.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>HORACE TEMPLETON.</p> +</td> +</tr> +</table> + +<div class="gapshortline"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center">LONDON & NEW YORK: GEORGE +ROUTLEDGE & SONS.</p> + +<div class="gapline"> </div> +<h3><a name="page2_7"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +7</span><i>CAPTAIN MARRYAT</i>.</h3> +<p>An entirely New Edition of the Works of Captain <span +class="smcap">Marryat</span>, in Monthly Volumes, crown 8vo, +bound in blue cloth, price 3<i>s.</i> 6<i>d.</i> each; printed +from handsome New Type, with Six Original Illustrations by the +best Artists.</p> +<table> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="smcap">Peter Simple</span>.</p> +</td> +<td><p><span class="smcap">Japhet in search of a +Father</span>.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="smcap">The King’s Own</span>.</p> +</td> +<td><p><span class="smcap">Newton Forster</span>.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="smcap">Frank Mildmay</span>.</p> +</td> +<td><p><span class="smcap">Olla Podrida</span>.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="smcap">Midshipman Easy</span>.</p> +</td> +<td><p><span class="smcap">The Poacher</span>.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="smcap">Jacob Faithful</span>.</p> +</td> +<td><p><span class="smcap">Pacha of Many Tales</span>.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="smcap">The Dog Fiend</span>.</p> +</td> +<td><p><span class="smcap">Valerie</span>.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="smcap">Rattlin the Reefer</span>.</p> +</td> +<td><p><span class="smcap">The Phantom Ship</span>.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="smcap">Percival Keene</span>.</p> +</td> +<td><p><span class="smcap">Monsieur Violet</span>.</p> +</td> +</tr> +</table> +<p style="text-align: center">The Set Complete, 16 Vols., half +roan, £3 3s.</p> + +<div class="gapmediumline"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center"><b><i>FIELDING and +SMOLLETT</i></b><b>.</b></p> +<p>A New Edition of the Novels of these Standard Authors in +3<i>s.</i> 6<i>d.</i> Volumes, printed in crown 8vo size, +bound in brown cloth, each Volume averaging about 400 pages, and +containing Eight Illustrations by <span +class="smcap">Phiz</span>.</p> +<table> +<tr> +<td><p><span class="smcap">By</span> HENRY FIELDING.</p> +</td> +<td><p><span class="smcap">By</span> T. SMOLLETT.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p> <span +class="smcap">Tom Jones</span>.</p> +</td> +<td><p> <span +class="smcap">Humphry Clinker</span>.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p> <span +class="smcap">Joseph Andrews</span>.</p> +</td> +<td><p> <span +class="smcap">Peregrine Pickle</span>.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p> <span +class="smcap">Amelia</span>.</p> +</td> +<td><p> <span +class="smcap">Roderick Random</span>.</p> +</td> +</tr> +</table> + +<div class="gapshortline"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center"><b><i>SIR WALTER +SCOTT</i></b><b>.</b></p> +<p style="text-align: center"><span class="GutSmall">A NEW +EDITION OF THE WAVERLEY NOVELS,</span></p> +<p>Printed in crown 8vo, uniform with the Knebworth Edition of +Lord Lytton’s Novels, containing the <span +class="smcap">Author’s Notes</span>, and Illustrated with +Steel Plates from designs by <span class="smcap">George +Cruikshank</span>, <span class="smcap">Turner</span>, <span +class="smcap">Maclise</span>, and other celebrated Artists.</p> +<p>Price 3<i>s.</i> 6<i>d.</i> each Volume; or complete in 25 +Vols., cloth. £4 7<i>s.</i> 6<i>d.</i></p> + +<div class="gapline"> </div> +<h3><a name="page2_8"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 8</span>JAMES +GRANT’S NOVELS,</h3> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>2s. each</i>, <i>fancy +boards</i>.</p> +<table> +<tr> +<td><p>THE ROMANCE OF WAR.</p> +</td> +<td><p>FIRST LOVE & LAST LOVE.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>THE AIDE-DE-CAMP.</p> +</td> +<td><p>THE GIRL HE MARRIED.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>THE SCOTTISH CAVALIER.</p> +</td> +<td><p>LADY WEDDERBURN’S WISH.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>BOTHWELL.</p> +</td> +<td><p>JACK MANLY.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>JANE SETON; OR, THE QUEEN’S ADVOCATE.</p> +</td> +<td><p>ONLY AN ENSIGN.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>PHILIP ROLLO.</p> +</td> +<td><p>ADVENTURES OF ROB ROY.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>LEGENDS OF THE BLACK WATCH.</p> +</td> +<td><p>UNDER THE RED DRAGON.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>MARY OF LORRAINE.</p> +</td> +<td><p>THE QUEEN’S CADET.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>OLIVER ELLIS; OR, THE FUSILIERS.</p> +</td> +<td><p>SHALL I WIN HER?</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>LUCY ARDEN; OR, HOLLYWOOD HALL.</p> +</td> +<td><p>FAIRER THAN A FAIRY.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>FRANK HILTON.</p> +</td> +<td><p>ONE OF THE SIX HUNDRED.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>THE YELLOW FRIGATE.</p> +</td> +<td><p>MORLEY ASHTON.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>HARRY OGILVIE; OR, THE BLACK DRAGOONS.</p> +</td> +<td><p>DID SHE LOVE HIM?</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>ARTHUR BLANE.</p> +</td> +<td><p>THE ROSS-SHIRE BUFFS.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>LAURA EVERINGHAM.</p> +</td> +<td><p>SIX YEARS AGO.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>THE CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD.</p> +</td> +<td><p>VERE OF OURS.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>LETTY HYDE’S LOVERS.</p> +</td> +<td><p>THE LORD HERMITAGE.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>CAVALIERS OF FORTUNE.</p> +</td> +<td><p>THE ROYAL REGIMENT.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>SECOND TO NONE.</p> +</td> +<td><p>THE DUKE OF ALBANY’S HIGHLANDERS.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>THE CONSTABLE OF FRANCE.</p> +</td> +<td><p>THE CAMERONIANS.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>THE PHANTOM REGIMENT.</p> +</td> +<td><p>THE SCOTS BRIGADE.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>THE KING’S OWN BORDERERS.</p> +</td> +<td><p>VIOLET JERMYN.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>THE WHITE COCKADE.</p> +</td> +<td><p>THE DEAD TRYST.</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>DICK RODNEY.</p> +</td> +<td><p> </p> +</td> +</tr> +</table> + +<div class="gapmediumline"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center">LONDON & NEW YORK: GEORGE +ROUTLEDGE & SONS.</p> +<p>***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK EIGHTEEN MONTHS' IMPRISONMENT***</p> +<pre> + + +***** This file should be named 44755-h.htm or 44755-h.zip****** + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/4/4/7/5/44755 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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