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diff --git a/44571-0.txt b/44571-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..22e6224 --- /dev/null +++ b/44571-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1620 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 44571 *** + +̅ + + + + POINTS + + OF + + HUMOUR. + + ILLUSTRATED BY + + =A Series of Plates=, + + FROM DESIGNS BY GEORGE CRUIKSHANK. + + + TEN ENGRAVINGS ON COPPER. TWELVE WOOD CUTS. + + + "_Let me play the fool: + With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come; + And let my liver rather heat with wine, + Than my heart cool with mortifying groans. + Why should a man, whose blood is warm within, + Sit like his grandsire, cut in alabaster? + Sleep when he wakes? and creep into the jaundice + By being peevish?_" + + SHAKSPEARE. + + + PART I. + + PRICE 8_s._ + + + LONDON: + + PUBLISHED BY J. ROBINS AND CO. IVY LANE, + PATERNOSTER ROW. + + + + + POINTS + + OF + + HUMOUR; + + =Illustrated= + + BY THE + + DESIGNS OF GEORGE CRUIKSHANK. + + + LONDON: + + PUBLISHED BY C. BALDWYN, NEWGATE STREET. + + + 1823. + + + + + LONDON: + + Printed by D. S. Maurice, Fenchurch Street. + + + + + PREFACE. + + +It will be readily perceived that the literary part of this work is +of humble pretensions. One object alone has been aimed at and it is +hoped with success--to select or to invent those incidents which +might be interesting or amusing in themselves, while they afforded +scope for the peculiar talents of the artist who adorns them with his +designs. The selection was more difficult than may at first sight +be supposed. It is true, there is no paucity of subjects of wit and +humour, but he who will take the trouble to examine them, will find +how few are adapted for pictorial representation. No artist can +embody a point of wit, and the humour of many of the most laughable +stories would vanish at the touch of the pencil of the most ingenious +designer in the world. Those ludicrous subjects only which are rich +in the humour of _situation_ are calculated for graphic illustration. +To prove the following anecdotes are not deficient in this respect, +no other appeal is necessary than to the plates themselves. Look at +the breadth of the humour, the point of the situation, the selection +of the figures, the action, and its accompaniments, and deny (without +a laugh on the face) that this portion of the work answers the end +in view. In all this the writer or compiler, or whatever he may +be called, claims little merit. That the whole effect is comic, +that the persons are ludicrous, and engaged in laughable groups and +surrounded with objects which tend to broaden the grin, all this, and +a thousand times more, belongs to Mr. Cruikshank;--the writer only +claims the merit of having suggested to him the materials. + +Some of the TEN POINTS, now submitted to the public, arise out of +a reprint of that admirable piece of humour, the JOLLY BEGGARS +of Burns;--A part of his works almost unknown to the public, in +consequence of the scrupulousness of the poet's biographer and editor, +who withheld them from the world. Lest we however should incur the +charge, which Dr. Currie apprehended, we beg leave to prefix the +observations on this subject by the first literary character in the +kingdom, Sir Walter Scott, as they appeared in the _Quarterly Review_. + +"Yet applauding, as we do most highly applaud, the leading principles +of Dr. Currie's selection, we are aware that they sometimes led +him into fastidious and over-delicate rejection of the bard's most +spirited and happy effusions. A thin octavo, published at Glasgow +in 1801, under the title of 'Poems ascribed to Robert Burns, the +Ayrshire bard,' furnishes valuable proofs of this assertion; it +contains, among a good deal of rubbish, some of his most brilliant +poetry. A cantata, in particular, called _The Jolly Beggars_, for +humorous description and nice discrimination of character, is +inferior to no poem of the same length in the whole range of English +poetry. The scene, indeed, is laid in the very lowest department +of low life, the actors being a set of strolling vagrants, met to +carouse, and barter their rags and plunder for liquor in a hedge +ale-house. Yet even in describing the movements of such a group, the +native taste of the poet has never suffered his pen to slide into +any thing coarse or disgusting. The extravagant glee and outrageous +frolic of the beggars are ridiculously contrasted with their maimed +limbs, rags, and crutches--the sordid and squalid circumstances of +their appearance are judiciously thrown into the shade. Nor is the +art of the poet less conspicuous in the individual figures, than +in the general mass. The festive vagrants are distinguished from +each other by personal appearance and character, as much as any +fortuitous assembly in the higher orders of life. The group, it must +be observed, is of Scottish character, and doubtless our northern +brethren are more familiar with its varieties than we are; yet the +distinctions are too well marked to escape even the southern. The +most prominent persons are a maimed soldier and his female companion, +a hackneyed follower of the camp, a stroller, late the consort of +an highland ketterer, or sturdy beggar--'but weary fa' the waefu' +woodie!'--Being now at liberty, she becomes an object of rivalry +between a 'pigmy scraper with his fiddle' and a strolling tinker. The +latter, a desperate bandit, like most of his profession, terrifies +the musician out of the field, and is preferred by the damsel of +course. A wandering ballad-singer, with a brace of doxies, is last +introduced upon the stage. Each of these mendicants sings a song +in character, and such a collection of humorous lyrics, connected +by vivid poetical description, is not perhaps to be paralleled in +the English language. The ditty chaunted by the Ballad Singer is +certainly far superior to any thing in the _Beggar's Opera_, where +alone we could expect to find its parallel. + +"We are at a loss to conceive any good reason why Dr. Currie did not +introduce this singular and humorous cantata into his collection. It +is true, that in one or two passages the muse has trespassed slightly +upon decorum, where, in the language of Scottish song, + + "High kilted was she, + "As she gaed owre the lea." + +"Something, however, is to be allowed to the nature of the subject, +and something to the education of the poet: and if from veneration to +the names of Swift and Dryden, we tolerate the grossness of the one, +and the indelicacy of the other, the respect due to that of Burns, +may surely claim indulgence for a few light strokes of broad humour. + +"Knowing that this, and hoping that other compositions of similar +spirit and tenor, might yet be recovered, we were induced to think that +some of them, at least, had found a place in the collection given to +the public by Mr. Cromek. But he has neither risqued the censure, nor +gained the applause, which might have belonged to such an undertaking." + +[Illustration] + + + + + POINT I. + + THE POINT OF HONOUR. + + +When the American army was at Valley Forge in the winter of 1777, +a captain of the Virginian Line refused a challenge sent him by a +brother officer, alleging that his life was devoted to the service of +his country, and that he did not think it a point of duty to risk it +to gratify the caprice of any man. This _point of duty_ gave occasion +to a _point of humour_ which clearly displayed the brilliant _points_ +of the officer's character, and exposed the weak ones of his brothers +in the service in a very _pointed_ manner. His antagonist gave him +the character of a coward through the whole army. Conscious of not +having merited the aspersion, and discovering the injury he should +sustain in the minds of those unacquainted with him, he repaired one +evening to a general meeting of the officers of that line. On his +entrance, he was avoided by the company, and the officer who had +challenged him, insolently ordered him to leave the room; a request +which was loudly re-echoed from all parts. He refused, and asserted +that he came there to vindicate his fame; and after mentioning the +reasons which induced him not to accept the challenge, he applied a +large hand grenade to the candle, and when the fuse had caught fire, +threw it on the floor, saying, "Here, gentlemen, this will quickly +determine which of us all dare brave danger most." At first they +stared upon him for a moment in stupid astonishment, but their eyes +soon fell upon the fuse of the grenade, which was fast burning down. +Away scampered Colonel, General, Ensign, and Captain, and all made a +rush at the door. "Devil take the hindmost." Some fell, and others +made way over the bodies of their comrades; some succeeded in getting +out, but for an instant there was a general heap of flesh sprawling +at the entrance of the apartment. Here was a colonel jostling with a +subaltern, and there fat generals pressing lean lieutenants into the +boards, and blustering majors, and squeaking ensigns wrestling for +exit; the size of one and the feebleness of the other making their +chance of departure pretty equal, until time, which does all things +at last, cleared the room and left the noble captain standing over +the grenade with his arms folded, and his countenance expressing +every kind of scorn and contempt for the train of scrambling red +coats, as they toiled and bustled and bored their way out of the door. + +After the explosion had taken place, some of them ventured to return, +to take a peep at the mangled remains of their comrade, whom however +to their great surprise they found alive and uninjured.--When they +were all gone, the captain threw himself flat on the floor as the +only possible means of escape, and fortunately came off with a whole +skin, and a repaired reputation. + +[Illustration] + + + + + POINT II. + + THE SHORT COURTSHIP. + + +[Illustration] + +As a gentleman was passing along one of the more retired streets of +London late in the evening, he stumbled over the body of an old man, +whom on examination he found in a state of excessive inebriation, +and who had in consequence tumbled down and rolled into the kennel. +He had not gone many yards farther when he found an old woman very +nearly in the same circumstances. It immediately struck Mr. L. that +this was some poor old couple, who, overcome with the fatigues of the +day, had indulged too freely in some restorative beverage, whether +Hodges' or Deady's the historian does not say. Full of this idea, +and animated by his own charitable disposition, Mr. L. soon made +arrangements for the reception of the poor couple into a neighbouring +public house, where the landlord promised that the senseless pair +should be undressed and placed in a warm and comfortable bed. To +bed they were put. Mr. L. left them lying side by side, snoring +in concert, and likely to pass together a more harmonious night +than perhaps would have been the case had they possessed the full +enjoyment of their senses. L. journeyed homewards filled with the +satisfaction arising from the performance of a kind deed, and never +reflected that there was a possibility of his having joined a pair +whom the laws of God had not made one. The fact was, that the old man +and the old woman were perfect strangers to each other, and their +being found in a similar situation was purely accidental. In London, +however extraordinary it may appear, many poor folks get drunk at +night, especially Saturday night, and what is not less wonderful, +they are in this state often unable to preserve their balance--the +laws of gravity exert their influence, and the patient rolls into the +kennel. Soundly--soundly did this late united pair sleep and snore +till morning,--when the light broke in upon them and disclosed the +secret.--Imagine the consternation of the old lady when the fumes +of intoxication were dissipated, and she opened her eyes upon her +snoring partner--where she was or how she had been put there she knew +not. It was clear she was in bed with a man, and that was an event +which had never happened to her before,--so she set up a scream, and +roused the old gentleman, whose astonishment was not a jot less than +the lady's. She sat upon end in bed staring at him, he moved himself +into a similar situation and riveted his eyes upon her, and so they +remained for a few instants both full of perfect wonderment;--at +last it struck the poor lady that this was some monster of a man +who had succeeded in some horrible design upon her honour; the idea +in a moment gave her the look and manner of a fury, she flung out +of bed and roared aloud to the admiration of all the inmates of the +house, who attracted by her first scream were already peeping in at +the door of the room,--"make me an honest woman, thou wretch," she +cried--"villain that you are,--make an honest woman of me, or I'll +be the death of thee;"--down she sat upon the bed-stocks, and as +she attempted to dress herself she interlarded her occupation with +calling for vengeance upon her horrible seducer, who sat trembling +at the other side of the bed, vainly attempting in his fright to +insinuate his legs into his old tattered breeches. The landlord at +last interfered with the authority of his station, and on inquiry +found that no breach had been made which could not be easily +repaired. The old gentleman was asked if he had any objection to +take his fair bedfellow for a helpmate during the remainder of his +life; he stammered out his acquiescence as well as he could, and the +enraged virgin consented to smooth down her anger on satisfaction +being made to her injured honour. The bargain was soon struck, +the happy pair were bundled off to church, amidst the laughing +shouts of the mob, where a parson waited to make good the match too +precipitately formed by our charitable friend. + +[Illustration] + + + + + POINT III. + + YES OR NO? + + +[Illustration] + +Frederick the Great, King of Prussia, was so remarkably fond of +children, that he suffered the sons of the Prince Royal to enter +his apartment whenever they thought proper. One day, while he was +writing in his closet, the eldest of these princes was playing at +shuttlecock near him. The shuttlecock happened to fall upon the table +at which the King sat, who threw it at the young prince and continued +to write. The shuttlecock falling on the table a second time, the +King threw it back, looking sternly at the child, who promised +that no accident of the kind should happen again; the shuttlecock +however fell a third time and even upon the paper on which the king +was writing. Frederick then took the shuttlecock and put it in his +pocket: the little prince humbly asked pardon and begged the King to +return him his shuttlecock. His Majesty refused: the prince redoubled +his entreaties, but no attention was paid to them; the young prince +at length being tired of begging, advanced boldly towards the King, +put his two hands on his side, and tossing back his little head +with great haughtiness, said in a threatening tone, "Will your +Majesty give me my shuttlecock, Yes or No?" The King burst into a fit +of laughter, and taking the shuttlecock out of his pocket, returned +it to the prince saying, "you are a brave boy, _you_ will never +suffer Silesia to be taken from you." + +[Illustration] + + + + + POINT IV. + + EXCHANGE NO ROBBERY. + + +Near Taunton, in Somersetshire, lived a sturdy fellow, by trade a +miller, who possessed a handsome and buxom young woman for his wife. +The said dame was many years the junior of her spouse, and thought +that the neighbouring village contained not a few more agreeable +companions, than the one whom Heaven had given her for life. Of this +circumstance the miller had some suspicions, and determined to set +them at rest one way or the other. Accordingly, one day he pretended +to set off to buy corn, and told his wife that he should not be at +home that night. The miller departed, and when the shades of evening +afforded some concealment, in glided, to supply his place at bed and +board, a neighbouring country squire. + +As the village clock struck one that night, and as the loving pair +were wrapped in sleep, a loud knocking was heard at the door. + +[Illustration] + +The miller had unexpectedly returned home, and the unfortunate couple +within were reduced to despair. The wit of the female was however +equal to the emergency; the gentleman's clothes were pushed under +her own, and his person was conducted into the kitchen, by the frail +fair one, and there enclosed in a singular place of security. The +tall house clock, which always forms a part of the furniture of the +"parlour, kitchen, and all," of men of our miller's rank, was at +that time out of order, and the works had, on the very morning in +question, been conveyed to Taunton, to undergo a thorough repair. +It immediately struck the damsel that her lover could abide in no +safer place than this, until her husband was asleep, and she could +return and let him out. Now the country squire was a tall and a +stout man, with a jolly rubicund physiognomy. He consequently +enclosed himself in the clock-case with some difficulty, and when +the good woman locked the door of it, as the only way of keeping it +shut, it gave him a nip in the paunch, which would have extorted a +cry under any other circumstances. As it was, the tightness below +threw all the blood into his countenance, which, for such was his +height, overtopped the wood work of the case, and appeared exactly +at the spot where the clock usually shewed the hour. So that, had a +light been held up to it, this portentous face would have borne the +appearance of a dark red moon scowling out of fog and vapours upon +a stormy night. This despatched, the dame commenced her own part +with confidence. She gaped and yawned, and only admitted the miller +till he had cursed and sworn his wife into a conviction, that he was +her lawful husband, and no deceiver who had mimicked his voice and +manner for his own wicked purposes. Much to the dismay of the parties +already in possession of the house, the miller insisted upon striking +a light, which at length obtaining, he drove his wife before him up +to the bed-room, and then slily and under pretence of something else, +examined the apartment; and concluded with a thorough conviction of +the groundlessness of his suspicions. The wife, overjoyed at getting +the candle out of the kitchen without discovery, was in high good +humour, so that the miller became in excellent spirits too, both on +account of his agreeable reception and the dispersion of his fears, +and as a proof of his state of mind gave his wife a hearty kiss, and +swore that they would go down and have a cozy bit of supper together +before they went to bed. In vain the poor woman resisted, the slice +of bacon must be broiled and the eggs poached. With trembling hand +she bore the light into the kitchen, and durst not cast a glance upon +the clock case where the prisoner, full of horror at the return of +the candle, and reduced to a state of insufferable impatience by his +miserable plight, uttered a deep low groan of despair as they entered +the apartment. Fortunately it was not loud enough to attract the +miller's attention, but thrilled through the heart of his unfortunate +spouse. The happy pair soon began their culinary operations, the +male with a light heart and a hungry appetite, the female sick and +trembling at the disclosure which she feared was inevitable. All +she could do, she did. She tried to keep up a conversation, she +shaded the light, and she spread rasher after rasher before the +all-devouring miller, who seemed as if intent to display his prowess +before his rival, who was most ruefully and intently gazing upon him +from his window of observation. By the lady's artful management, the +miller sat with only a side view of the clock, and allowed a few +sympathizing glances to be interchanged between the unhappy squire +and his love, as she spread the tempting meal before her liege lord. +Doubtless they both thought the miller's appetite was enormous, and +in the calculation of either of them, he had already eat a side of +bacon, when he declared he had done. _Now for good luck!_ inwardly +exclaimed the dame, _fortune befriend me, and let me get him up +stairs without casting a look upon that poor deplorable face_; which +by the bye had lately been assuming all hues, and within the last two +minutes had turned from a blue red to deadly pale, and back again to +red black; and slight twitches and convulsive motions were observed +in the muscles of his face, as if the poor unfortunate owner of +them was tormented by some body below, who alternately pricked and +pinched him. Oh, what a weight was taken off the heart of the frail +fair one, and how fervently did she offer up vows of chastity in the +gratitude of the moment, when the miller, having eat and drank his +fill, made a motion for the bed room. Gladly was she attending him, +when, as ill luck would have it, a _loud sneeze_ was heard in the +room, which was followed by an equally loud scream from the lady of +the miller, who now gave all up for lost. It seemed that the dust +of the clock-case had been disturbed by the body of the squire, and +part of it being dislodged, had sought refuge in the intricacies +of his nostrils. Hence the wincings and writhings, which, over and +above being abominably nipped, produced the awful changes recorded +above, and at length ended in a sneeze, which he could no longer +restrain. This event had not the expected issue, for the dame in her +fright threw down the candlestick, which she held in her hand, and +extinguished the light. The good miller, now drowsy and stupid, chid +her for being alarmed at the sneezing of a _cat_; and, not waiting +for the poking out of a light from the dying embers, pushed his wife +and himself off to bed, bestowing upon her, by the way, many of those +endearing caresses, which husbands in a good humour lavish upon their +wives; which caresses were certainly as indifferent to her, as they +were doubtless disagreeable to her friend in the clock. Release was +not so soon at hand as the parties sanguinely expected, for though +the miller slept, he took as secure a hold of his faithful dame, +as if he had really been aware of the gaol-delivery she intended +to accomplish. To her last resource, therefore, she was compelled +to fly, for the morning was fast coming on. The miller's sleep was +broken by the loud cries of his wife, who declared she was so ill, +she was sure she should die. She yelled and screamed till the poor +man in despair knew not what to do, and could only cry out _What can +I get you, What can I get you?_ Now the wily dame well knew that +_that_ would be the best for her complaint which was not in the +house, so she vociferated _Brandy, brandy, Oh for some brandy._ The +poor husband scrambled up some clothes, and set off for the nearest +public house for some brandy, which was nearly a mile from his abode. +Arriving there, he knocked up the landlord, who administered the +medicine to him. To pay for which, the distressed husband put his +hand in his breeches' pocket, and much to his own surprise, pulled +out a large bundle of bank notes, at which he stared in amazement; +when the landlord cried out, Lord! _you have got Mr. Farrer's +breeches on_. Buckskins, it seems, well known in the neighbourhood. + +[Illustration] + +"_The Devil I have_," returned the miller, in a tone which came up +like a groan, as he gazed upon his nether man. Quickly comprehending +the secret of the exchange, he pocketed the notes, drank up the +brandy for his own consolation, and went home, moralizing his pensive +path, and gave the hypocritical culprit the soundest beating she ever +had in her life. She, poor soul! who had been charitably employed in +the meanwhile, in letting the bird out of his cage, was not prepared +for this reception; nor did she understand it until the next morning, +when the breeches were cried round the town by her malignant husband, +who also with no pleasant expression of countenance, made a point of +turning over his newly-acquired riches in her presence. + +[Illustration] + + + + + POINT V. + + THE JOLLY BEGGARS; + + OR, + + LOVE AND LIBERTY, A CANTATA. + + BY ROBERT BURNS. + + + RECITATIVO. + + When lyart leaves bestrow the yird, + Or wavering like the Bauckie-bird[1], + Bedim cauld Boreas' blast; + When hailstanes drive wi' bitter skyte, + And infant frosts begin to bite, + In hoary cranreuch drest; + Ae night at e'en a merry core + O' randie, gangrel bodies, + In Posie-Nansie's[2] held the splore[3], + To drink their orra duddies[4]: + Wi' quaffing, and laughing, + They ranted an' they sang; + Wi' jumping, an' thumping, + The vera girdle rang. + + First, neist the fire, in auld red rags, + Ane sat, weel brac'd wi' mealy bags, + And knapsack a' in order; + His doxy lay within his arm, + Wi' _usquebae_ an' blankets warm, + She blinket on her sodger: + An' ay he gies the tozie drab + The tither skelpan kiss, + While she held up her greedy gab + Just like an aumous[5] dish: + Ilk smack still, did crack still, + Just like a cadger's[6] whip; + Then staggering, an' swaggering, + He roar'd this ditty up-- + +[Illustration] + + + AIR. + + _Tune_--SOLDIER'S JOY. + + + I. + + + I am a son of Mars, who have been in many wars, + And shew my cuts and scars wherever I come; + This here was for a wench, and that other in a trench, + When welcoming the French at the sound of the drum. + + _Lal de daudle, &c._ + + + II. + + My prenticeship I past, where my leader breath'd his last, + When the bloody die was cast on the heights of Abram; + I served out my trade, when the gallant _game_ was play'd, + And the Moro low was laid at the sound of the drum. + + + + III. + + I lastly was with Curtis, among the floating batt'ries, + And there I left for witness, an arm and a limb; + Yet let my country need me, with Elliot to head me, + I'll clatter on my stumps at the sound of a drum. + + + IV. + + And now tho' I must beg, with a wooden arm and leg, + And many a tatter'd rag hanging over my ----, + I'm as happy with my wallet, my bottle and my callet[7], + As when I us'd in scarlet to follow a drum. + + + V. + + What tho' with hoary locks, I must stand the winter shocks, + Beneath the woods and rocks oftentimes for a home, + When the tother bag I sell, and the tother bottle tell, + I could meet a troop of hell at the sound of a drum. + + + RECITATIVO. + + He ended; and the kebars[8] sheuk + Aboon the chorus roar; + While frighted rattons backward leuk, + An' seek the benmost bore[9]; + A Merry Andrew i' the neuk, + He skirl'd out, _encore!_ + But up arose the martial chuck, + An' laid the loud uproar. + + + + AIR. + + _Tune_--SODGER LADDIE. + + + I. + + I once was a maid, tho' I cannot tell when, + And still my delight is in proper young men: + Some one of a troop of dragoons was my daddie, + No wonder I'm fond of a _sodger laddie_. + Sing, _Lal de lal_, &c. + + + II. + + The first of my loves was a swaggering blade, + To rattle the thundering drum was his trade; + His leg was so tight and his cheek was so ruddy, + Transported was I with my _sodger laddie_. + + + III. + + But the godly old chaplain left him in the lurch, + The sword I forsook for the sake of the church; + He ventur'd the soul, and I risked the body, + 'Twas then I prov'd false to my _sodger laddie_. + + + IV. + + Full soon I grew sick of my sanctified sot, + The regiment at large for a husband I got; + From the gilded spontoon to the fife I was ready, + I asked no more but a _sodger laddie_. + + + V. + + But the _peace_ it reduc'd me to beg in despair, + Till I met my old boy at a _Cunningham_ fair; + His rags regimental they flutter'd so gaudy, + My heart it rejoic'd at my _sodger laddie_. + + + VI. + + And now I have lived--I know not how long, + And still I can join in a cup and a song: + But whilst with both hands I can hold the glass steady, + Here's to thee, my hero, my _sodger laddie_. + Sing, _Lal de dal_, &c. + + + RECITATIVO. + + Poor Merry Andrew in the neuk + Sat guzzling wi' a tinkler hizzie; + They mind't na wha the chorus teuk, + Between themsels they were sae busy. + At length wi' drink and courting dizzy, + He stoiter'd up an' made a face; + Then turn'd an' laid a smack on Grizzy, + Syne tun'd his pipes wi' grave grimace. + + + AIR. + + _Tune_--AULD SIR SIMON. + + Sir Wisdom's a fool when he's fou, + Sir Knave is a fool in a session; + He's there but a prentice, I trow, + But I am a fool by profession. + + My Grannie she bought me a beuk, + An' I held awa to the school; + I fear I my talent misteuk, + But what will ye hae of a fool. + + For drink I would venture my neck; + A hizzie's the half of my craft; + But what could ye other expect + Of ane that's avowedly daft. + + I ance was ty'd up like a stirk, + For civilly swearing and quaffing; + I ance was abus'd i' the Kirk, + For towzing a lass i' my daffin. + + Poor Andrew that tumbles for sport, + Let naebody name wi' a jeer; + There's ev'n, I'm tauld, i' the court, + A _Tumbler_ ca'd the _Premier_. + + Observ'd ye yon reverend lad + Mak faces to tickle the mob; + He rails at our mountebank squad, + It's _rivalship_ just i' the job. + + And now my conclusion I'll tell, + For faith I'm confoundedly dry, + The chiel that's a fool for himsel, + Guid Lord, he's far dafter than I. + +[Illustration] + +FOOTNOTES: + +[1] The bat. + +[2] A whiskey house. + +[3] Frolic. + +[4] Superfluous rags. + +[5] A plate for receiving alms. + +[6] A man who travels the country, with his wares on the back of a +horse or ass. + +[7] Wench. + +[8] Rafters. + +[9] Deepest recess. + + + + + POINT VI. + + + RECITATIVO. + + Then neist outspak a raucle carlin[10], + Wha kent fu' weel to cleek the sterlin'; + For mony a pursie she had hooked, + An' had in mony a well been douked: + Her Love had been a _Highland laddie_, + But weary fa' the waefu' woodie[11]! + Wi' sighs and sobs she thus began, + To wail her braw _John Highlandman_. + + + AIR. + + _Tune_--O AN YE WERE DEAD, GUDEMAN. + + + I. + + A highland lad my love was born, + The Lalland laws he held in scorn; + But he still was faithfu' to his clan, + My gallant, braw _John Highlandman_! + + CHORUS. + + _Sing hey my braw John Highlandman! + Sing ho my braw John Highlandman! + There's not a lad in a' the lan' + Was match for my John Highlandman!_ + + + + II. + + With his philibeg an' tartan plaid, + An' guid claymore down by his side, + The ladies' hearts he did trepan, + My gallant, braw _John Highlandman_. + _Sing, hey,_ &c. + + + III. + + We ranged a' from Tweed to Spey, + An' liv'd like lords an' ladies gay; + For a lalland face he feared none, + My gallant, braw _John Highlandman_. + _Sing, hey,_ &c. + + + IV. + + They banish'd him beyond the sea, + But ere the bud was on the tree, + Adown my cheeks the pearls ran, + Embracing my _John Highlandman_. + _Sing, hey,_ &c. + + + V. + + But och! they catch'd him at the last, + And bound him in a dungeon fast; + My curse upon them every one, + They've hang'd my braw _John Highlandman_. + _Sing, hey,_ &c. + + + VI. + + And now a widow I must mourn, + Departed joys that ne'er return; + No comfort but a hearty can, + When I think on _John Highlandman_. + _Sing, hey,_ &c. + + + RECITATIVO. + + A pigmy scraper wi' his fiddle, + Wha us'd to trystes and fairs to driddle. + Her strappen limb an' gausy middle, + (He reach'd na higher,) + Had hol'd his heartie like a riddle, + An' blawn't on fire. + + W' hand on hainch, an' upward e'e, + He croon'd his gamut, _one_, _two_, _three_, + Then in an arioso key, + The wee Apollo + Set off wi' _allegretto_ glee + His _giga solo_. + + + AIR. + + _Tune_--WHISTLE OWRE THE LAVE O'T. + + Let me ryke up to dight that tear, + An' go wi' me an' be my _dear_; + An' then your every _care_ and _fear_ + May whistle owre the lave o't. + + CHORUS. + + _I am a fidler to my trade,_ + _An' a' the tunes that e'er I play'd,_ + _The sweetest still to wife or maid,_ + _Was, whistle owre the lave o't._ + + At kirns an' weddins we'se be there, + An' O sae nicely's we will fare! + We'll bowse about till Dadie Care + Sing whistle owre the lave o't. + _I am_, &c. + +[Illustration] + + Sae merrily's the banes we'll pyke, + An' sun oursells about the dyke; + An' at our leisure when ye like + We'll--whistle owre the lave o't. + _I am_, &c. + + But bless me wi' your heav'n o' charms, + And while I kittle[12] hair on thairms, + Hunger, cauld, an' a' sic harms + May whistle owre the lave o't. + _I am_, &c. + + + RECITATIVO. + + Her charms had struck a sturdy _Caird_[13], + As weel as poor _Gutscraper_; + He taks the fiddler by the beard, + An' draws a roosty rapier-- + He swoor by a' was swearing worth, + To speet him like a pliver, + Unless he would from that time forth + Relinquish her for ever: + + Wi' ghastly e'e, poor _tweedle-dee_, + Upon his hunkers[14] bended, + An' pray'd for grace wi' ruefu' face, + An' so the quarrel ended; + But tho' his little heart did grieve, + When round the _tinker_ prest her, + He feign'd to snirtle in his sleeve, + When thus the _Caird_ address'd her + + + + AIR. + + _Tune_--CLOUT THE CAUDRON. + + + I. + + My bonie lass I work in brass, + A tinkler is my station; + I've travell'd round all Christian ground + In this my occupation; + I've ta'en the gold, I've been enroll'd + In many a noble squadron; + But vain they search'd, when off I march'd + To go an' clout the caudron. + _I've ta'en the gold,_ &c. + + + II. + + Despise that shrimp, that wither'd imp, + With a' his noise an' caprin; + An' take a share with those that bear + The budget an' the apron! + An' by that stowp, my faith an' houpe, + An' by that dear Kilbaigie[15]! + If e'er ye want, or meet with scant, + May I ne'er weet my craigie. + _An' by that stowp_, &c. + + + RECITATIVO. + + The Caird prevail'd--th' unblushing fair + In his embraces sunk; + Partly wi' love o'ercome sa sair, + An' partly she was drunk: + _Sir Violino_, with an air, + That show'd a man o' spunk, + Wish'd unison between the pair, + An' made the bottle clunk + To their health that night. + + But hurchin Cupid shot a shaft, + That play'd a dame a shavie-- + A sailor rak'd her fore and aft, + Behind the chicken cavie. + Her lord a wight o' Homer's craft, + Tho' limpan wi' the spavie, + He hirpl'd up an' lap like daft, + An _shor'd_[16] them _Dainty Davie_ + O'boot that night. + + He was a care-defying blade, + As ever Bacchus listed! + Tho' fortune sair upon him laid, + His heart, she ever miss'd it: + He had no wish but--to be glad, + Nor want but--when he thirsted; + He hated nought but--to be sad, + An' thus the Muse suggested + His sang that night. + + + AIR. + + _Tune_--FOR A' THAT, AN' A' THAT. + + + I. + + I am a bard of no regard + Wi' gentle-folks, an' a' that; + But Homer-like, the glowran byke[17], + Frae town to town I draw that. + + CHORUS. + + _For a' that, an' a' that,_ + _An' twice as muckle's a' that,_ + _I've lost but ane, I've twa behin',_ + _I've_ wife eneugh _for a' that._ + + + + II. + + I never drank the Muses' _tank_, + Castalia's burn an' a' that; + But there it streams, an' richly reams + My _Helicon_ I ca' that. + _For a' that,_ &c. + + + III. + + Great love I bear to all the Fair, + Their humble slave, an' a' that; + But lordly Will, I hold it still + A mortal sin to thraw that. + _For a' that,_ &c. + + + IV. + + In raptures sweet, this hour we meet, + Wi' mutual love an' a' that; + But for how lang the flie may stang, + Let Inclination law that. + _For a' that,_ &c. + + + V. + + Their tricks an' craft hae put me daft, + They've ta'en me in, an' a' that; + But clear your decks, an' here's _the Sex_! + I like the jads for a' that. + + _For a' that, an a' that,_ + _An' twice as muckle's a' that,_ + _My dearest bluid, to do them guid,_ + _They're welcome till't for a' that._ + +[Illustration] + +FOOTNOTES: + +[10] A sturdy raw-boned dame. + +[11] The gallows. + +[12] While I rub a horse-hair bow upon cat-gut. + +[13] Tinker. + +[14] Haunches. + +[15] A well known kind of whiskey. + +[16] Promised. + +[17] The multitude. + + + + + POINT VII. + + + RECITATIVO. + + So sung the _Bard_--and Nansie's waws + Shook wi' a thunder of applause + Re-echo'd from each mouth! + They toom'd[18] their pokes, they pawn'd their duds[19], + They scarcely left to coor their fuds, + To quench their lowan drouth. + + Then owre again, the jovial thrang, + The poet did request, + To lowse his pack an' wale a sang, + A ballad o' the best. + He, rising, rejoicing, + Between his _twa Debōrahs_, + Looks round him, an' found them + Impatient for the chorus. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[18] Opened. + +[19] Rags. + + + + + POINT VIII. + + + AIR. + + _Tune_--JOLLY MORTALS, FILL YOUR GLASSES. + + + I. + + See! the smoking bowl before us, + Mark our jovial, ragged ring! + Round and round take up the chorus, + And in raptures let us sing-- + _A fig for those by law protected,_ + Liberty's _a glorious feast!_ + _Courts for cowards were erected,_ + _Churches built to please the priest._ + + + II. + + What is title, what is treasure, + What is reputation's care? + If we lead a life of pleasure, + 'Tis no matter how or where. + _A fig_, &c. + + + III. + + With the ready trick and fable, + Round we wander all the day; + And at night, in barn or stable, + Hug our doxies on the hay. + _A fig_, &c. + +[Illustration] + + + IV. + + Does the train-attended carriage + Thro' the country lighter rove? + Does the sober bed of marriage + Witness brighter scenes of love? + _A fig_, &c. + + + V. + + Life is all a _variorum_, + We regard not how it goes; + Let them cant about decorum + Who have character to lose. + _A fig_, &c. + + + VI. + + Here's to _budgets_, _bags_, and _wallets_! + Here's to all the wandering train! + Here's _our ragged brats and callets_! + One and all cry out, _Amen!_ + + _A fig for those by law protected,_ + Liberty's _a glorious feast!_ + _Courts for cowards were erected,_ + _Churches built to please the priest._ + +[Illustration] + + + + + POINT IX. + + THE DOWNFALL OF HOLY CHURCH. + + +In the year of 1460, Revel was governed by a General, whose name +was John of Mengden; a worthy old man, who loved his glass of wine, +and had the gout; for wine and the gout are sister's children. It +was his custom to ride out occasionally on a black horse down to +the shores of the Baltic, whence he continued his way to a convent +of nuns consecrated to St. Bridget. This nunnery, which was called +Marianthal, was situated about a mile from the town, and its ruins +are inhabited by owls and ravens. + +On one of these excursions he was accompanied by the Lord Marshal, +Gothard of Plettenberg. + +As they approached the convent wall, the Marshal's horse became +suddenly restive. "Have you heard," said he, "the strange stories of +the subterraneous passage, and that it winds in intricate mazes round +the cloister?"----"No;" replied John of Mengden, "but I should like to +hear them over a bottle; you shall relate them to me in the evening." +"It may be done now, and in a few words," rejoined the other; "for we +stand exactly before the subterraneous passage, or mouth of the cavern; +but for fifty years, not a human foot has advanced beyond the bottom of +the steps, there the torches are always blown out." + +The burgomaster of Revel, who was then with them, made a cross on +his breast, and confirmed the statement. "Sometimes," continued +Gothard, "are heard, during the night, the sounds of soft music, +arising slowly and melodiously from the cave, like the sweet tones +of musical glasses, with an accompaniment of the songs of angels. +The holy sisters of the convent are frequent listeners to this +divine harmony, though none of the words can be understood." "Let +the venerable Lady Abbess come down to me," said the general, as he +alighted from his horse, and placed his glove in his sword-belt. The +Abbess now appeared, veiled. She modestly curtsied to the knight, +and presented him with a cup of Spanish wine. The old General laid +himself down on the grass, and asked the sainted lady if she could +give him any information relative to the subterraneous passage? The +Abbess replied in the affirmative, adding a number of particulars +concerning what she and her pious sisters had seen,--and fancied they +had seen--heard, and fancied they had heard. + +"So God and St. Vitus help me!" exclaimed the governor, "I will +myself make an attempt to descend into the cavern; give me a lighted, +consecrated torch." + +The burgomaster crossed himself all over. A cold shivering seized +him; the only vault into which he had been accustomed to descend, was +the town-cellar, which was haunted by none but _choice spirits_, with +which he was familiar. + +The lady Abbess entreated the old man not to undertake so rash an +enterprize; and assured him, that the spirits of former times, +unlike those of the present day, would not allow themselves to be +sported with. But in arguing with the brave old General, they talked +to the wind which blew over the Baltic. The consecrated torches were +brought, the corpulent General repeated an Ave-Maria, recommended +himself to St. Vitus, his protecting Saint, and courageously entered +the mysterious passage. The sound of his feet was still heard on the +steps; his breathing was still audible, and the glimmer of his torch +played on the damp walls. On a sudden all was silent, and the light +disappeared. The listeners above were on the stretch of attention. +Gothard was stationed on the upper step; the burgomaster a few paces +further back; and behind him stood the Abbess, her rosary running +through her fingers. They listened, but all was still! "Holloa there, +John of Mengden!--how fare you?" thundered the voice of Gothard; yet +all was still as the grave. The listeners were alarmed; they inclined +their ears; they stood lightly on tip-toe; they restrained their +breath--not a sound ascended. The cavern yawned before them, and all +was silent below; "Holy St. Bridget! what can have happened? Let the +priests be summoned, and mass be said, to appease the spirits!" + +The lady Abbess hastened to the convent, rang the chapel-bell, when +all the pious sisterhood hurried from their cells, fell upon their +bare knees, chastizing themselves, and praying to heaven for mercy +towards the old General. The burgomaster threw himself upon his +horse, and trotted back to the town to impart the terrible news to +his wife, children and domestics. Gothard, who was a courageous +knight, alone remained, absorbed in gloomy reflection, leaning +against the wall, with his eyes fixed on the darkness beneath. Thus +he continued during two hours. At last he thought he heard on the +steps some one breathing and struggling.--"John of Mengden!" he +vociferated--"are you alive, or dead?"--"I am alive!" replied the +General, half breathless, as he stumbled up the steps. "Thanks to God +and St. Bridget!--we have been in agony on your account. Where have +you been? What have you heard or seen?" The General then related that +he had quietly descended, with the consecrated taper in his hand; +that his heart beat a little as he advanced; that a cold shiver had +begun to seize him; but that he took courage, as his taper burnt +always clear and bright: that at length he stood on the bottom step, +and looked down an endless passage, doubtful whether, under the +protection of St. Bridget, he should move forward or backward; that +suddenly he was surrounded by a lukewarm breeze, mild and fragrant, +as if wafted over a bed of flowers, which in a moment extinguished +his taper, and so clouded his senses, that he sunk like a dead man +on the steps, and then lay a considerable time in a sort of trance; +that at last he awoke again, and it appeared to him as if he were +gently moved by a warm hand, though he knew not where he was, nor +what had happened to him; that he stretched out his hands, and felt +nothing but the cold stone; but that, as a little daylight glimmered +upon him from above, he composed his spirits, and began to creep +with difficulty up the steps; that when on them he was perfectly +recovered, feeling only a slight oppression in the head, similar to +the effect of intoxication. + +"Well, brother," said he to the lord-marshal, "will not you also make +the attempt, and try whether it will not succeed better with you." + +Gothard of Plettenberg demurred: notwithstanding he never feared, +in former times, a knight of flesh and bone, as long as he was +able to wield his sword; yet, with respect to ghosts, a very just +exception was allowed; and a knight might tremble in the dark like an +old woman, without any stain upon his honor, or impeachment of his +valour. Now a days, the matter is quite altered, and a man may fear +any thing but ghosts. + +"By my sword," said the governor, as he was returning home, "I will +investigate the causes of this mystery. I must know from whose mouth +proceeded the gentle breath, that smelt fragrant as the plants of +the east, and yet had force enough to extinguish the flame of the +consecrated taper, and even to confuse my head, as though I had been +drunk." + +He instantly sent for Henry of Uxkull, bishop of Revel, and the Abbot +of Pardis. Being arrived, they were entertained at a large oak table, +and quaffed wine from the family goblet. They listened to the fearful +story of their host, with their fat hands folded upon their huge +bellies, and shook their heads with significant silence. + +Having well weighed the matter, knitted their brows and assumed an +air of importance, they finally agreed _that they knew not what to +think of it_. Each then waddled to his home and thought no more of +the mysterious cavern. + +But it was not so with the General. He could not rest. His fancy was +on the rack, to account for the mystery. On the next morning, he +despatched letters to the Archbishop of Riga, to a learned canon, +and two pious deans of the holy church of Riga--stating "that a +surprising incident had obliged him to have recourse to their +piety and wisdom, and entreating that they would be at Revel on St. +Egidius's day, to discuss in christian humility this weighty affair." + +They came on the appointed day: for they were aware that the cellar +of the Governor contained excellent wine, and that his was no niggard +hospitality. The archbishop of Revel, and the Abbot of Pardis, were +likewise invited to assist, who failed not at the proper hour to +present themselves at the castle. An elegant repast had been prepared +for them, bumpers went cheerily round to the prosperity of Holy +Church, and to the perpetual bloom of the German order of religion. + +When their spiritual stomachs were sufficiently gorged, the General +thus addressed them: "Reverend and pious fathers! thus and thus +it happened to me and my friend here, Gothard of Plettenberg," +recounting his story--"What is to be done to liberate the spirits who +wander and breathe in the subterraneous passage?" + +"They must be driven out by force," replied the archbishop of Riga, +"and the power to do this was given to bishops from above." + +"A wisp of hay should be steeped in holy water," added the canon, +"with which the steps of the dark passage should be sprinkled." + +One of the deans advised that "the little chest with the Egyptian +hieroglyphics, which was kept as a relic in the convent of St. +Bridget, should be taken to the cavern." + +The other dean was of opinion that the spirits should be allowed +to continue without molestation so long as they only wandered and +breathed. + +The archbishop of Revel was also of the same sentiment, but the +Abbot of Pardis applauded this idea of the Egyptian hieroglyphics. + +Last of all, the old General proposed that they should immediately +ride to the beach, and employ the arms of the church against the +inhabitants of the subterraneous passage. The wine had imparted its +spirit to the holy fathers; and they now felt courage to engage, if +necessary, even with the fiends of hell. + +Within half an hour they were at the convent gate! + +Three times were the consecrated torches borne round by the +archbishop, who, muttering between his teeth, dipped the wisp into a +large ewer of holy water, and plentifully besprinkled all present. +Thus spiritually armed, they silently and cautiously approached the +entrance of the cavern. Here a question arose, "who should go down +first?" Those who were at home were unwilling to rob the strangers +of the honor of precedence. The deans drew back, as being merely +subalterns in the church, out of respect to their bishop. The +archbishop bowed to the right learned canon, and he bowed to the +rest. The General became impatient, and forced the archbishop down +the steps. The rest followed with beating hearts and tottering knees. + +[Illustration] + +Each carried in his hand a consecrated taper; and with a rosary hanging +at his elbow, sprinkled the walls with drops of holy water. The last +of the procession was the Abbot of Pardis, who, grown unwieldy by the +luxurious diet of the church, could scarcely drag his short puffed legs +after his fat and bulky paunch. The steps too were not only small, +but damp and slippery; whence it happened, that on the second step +the Abbot lost his footing, and falling with his whole weight upon +Henry of Uxkull, they both fell upon the last dean: all three on +the first dean; all four on the canon; all five upon the archbishop of +Riga; when the whole troop rolled helter skelter down the steps, and +plumped to the bottom like so many sacks, there remaining senseless! +The consecrated tapers were extinguished, and the venerable group were +veiled by a sort of Egyptian darkness. The General, who remained above, +heard the tremendous rumbling, to which succeeded a dead silence. For +two hours he listened, called on each by name, and waited in vain for a +reply. His voice alone was returned to him in a dull and hollow echo. +The only sound which met his eager listening, was that of the terrified +bat, flitting in the depths of the cavern; or, at intervals, the scream +of the frightened owl. + +He was a man of uncommon courage, and he resolved to descend once +more himself, to see what was become of his guests; but as a prelude +to this perilous expedition, he determined to enliven his natural +spirits by a draught of generous wine. As he vociferated--"a cup of +wine," to the groom who held his horse, the word WINE reached the +ears of the holy men--they disentangled themselves from each other, +scrambled up, their foreheads bedewed with the sweat of terror, and +when they had recovered themselves, they confessed unanimously _that +they were not able to unravel the mystery_. + +Thus ended the second attempt to gain a more intimate acquaintance +with the spirits of the subterraneous passage, and thenceforward no +one was bold enough to tread the magic ground. + + + + + POINT X. + + A VISIT WITHOUT FORM. + + +[Illustration] + +When the Cardinal Bernis resided at Rome in the capacity of Ambassador +from France, he bore the highest character for sanctity--yet the +Cardinal was a man, though a churchman; and churchmen are sometimes not +invulnerable to the shafts of love. A pair of speaking black eyes like +those of the Princess B., have before now made sad havoc in the heart +of the votary of celibacy. The lady was conscious of her own charms, +but being married to the man she loved, instead of setting them off by +certain little manœuvres which some ladies perfectly understand how +to put in practice, she carefully avoided giving any encouragement to +the Cardinal, whose constant attendance upon her began to give her +some uneasiness. At length the Cardinal, finding that his visits, +attentions, _cadeaux_, and fine speeches had no effect, determined upon +seeking an opportunity of making the lady sensible of the excess of +his passion. One morning the Princess, on returning from mass, in her +haste to avoid a violent shower of rain, tripped as she was getting +out of her carriage, and sprained her ancle. The Cardinal, who by his +spies was informed of every step the Princess took, had attended at +mass also; and as he was following the Princess, unobserved, he saw +the accident and ran to her assistance, raised her into the carriage, +and very humbly entreated her to allow him the honour of seeing her +safe home. His Excellency was not to be refused consistently with +etiquette, so the poor Princess was under the necessity of hearing all +the pretty things the Ambassador had reserved for the occasion. All +his protestations and entreaties proved fruitless, and the poor lady +arrived at the palace almost exhausted with the alarm the conversation +had caused her. She now endeavoured with all care to avoid receiving +the Cardinal's visits, but the old gentleman's amorous plans were not +to be thwarted.--He still found means of seeing her, and again attacked +her with his vows and protestations, so that the lady, unable to bear +it any longer, determined to inform the Prince, and related to him all +the circumstances of the affair. The Prince was enraged, and threatened +all kinds of vengeance against the lover; but however, when the first +burst of passion had a little subsided, he said to her, "We are, my +love, in a very aukward situation, for the Cardinal being Ambassador +his person is sacred; besides we should have the whole consistory +and his holiness at their head, thundering excommunication upon us. +However, I will think of some scheme of cooling the passion of this +holy gentleman." He accordingly suggested that she should write word +to the Cardinal, that as her husband was going that evening to his +Villa near Tivoli, to order some improvement to be made which would +detain him the best part of next day, she had determined to admit a +visit from him; but that in order to keep the matter a secret from +the servants, she desired him to come at midnight; that she would +fix a silken ladder at her room window which looked into the garden, +whence he might easily ascend into the anti-room, where he would find +the door open that led into her own room. The reader will naturally +conceive the transports which this delicious billet excited in the +worthy Cardinal. He danced, and leaped and capered about for joy, rang +the bell, gave contradictory orders, and convinced his valet that +he was mad. He had the sense however to direct a suit of his finest +linen to be prepared, and to countermand the order for his carriage, +for he bethought himself he had better go privately. How tedious did +the hours, which intervened before the time of appointment, appear +to our ardent lover, and when the clock struck eleven he could no +longer wait. It was a good distance, he must be there in time, not a +second too late; therefore off he set after taking some precautions +against his sacred person being discovered. He arrives, panting with +love and hope; the burning of Mongibello could scarcely exceed the +conflagration within him. He gets to the garden-gate. One cannot think +of every thing. The Princess in her flurry had forgotten to order the +garden-gate to be left open. What was to be done? The wall was not +high; but must his Eminence endanger his sacred person? Love, however, +the sovereign ruler, who makes even cowards heroes, animated him. It +was dreadfully dark; but luckily, in feeling for the height of the +wall, the anxious lover found an aperture in it large enough to admit +the foot: into this he stepped, gave a spring, and got to the top; +and then slid down the other side, not however without losing his hat +and cloak, which owing to the darkness of the night he could not find +again, nor was he aware, for the same reason, how he was daubed with +mortar and brick-dust. In this pickle, our Adonis made the best of his +way to find the ladder, tumbling over orange-trees and rosebushes, +to the manifest injury of his cassock, which began to hang about him +in rags. At last he reached the ladder, seized hold of it, stopped, +panted a while for breath, and then up he went. He had just got one leg +through the window, when the two large folding doors of the apartment +flew open, and fifteen or twenty servants with lighted torches in their +hands presented themselves before him. The Prince, at their head, +ran up to the window, and with all courtesy helped in the astonished +Cardinal, and turning to the servants said, "Scoundrels! is it thus you +pay respect to the sacred person of the Cardinal Bernis? Is it thus, by +your negligence, that you compel his Eminence, when coming to my wife, +to venture his precious life upon a slight ladder and force him through +the window in this miserable plight?" Conceive the situation of the +bald-pated, cloakless, and tattered Cardinal, as he stood ashamed and +terrified before the jeering Prince and his twenty torchbearers. His +trembling knees could scarcely support him, as, half dead with fright, +shame, and disappointment, he sneaked out of the room, still lighted +by the torches and bowed out by the Prince, who continued to apologize +for the carelessness of his servants, much to the annoyance of the +poor Cardinal, whose misery was heightened by one stroke more; for, as +he was huddling off, he just caught the face of the Princess, peeping +through the opening of a door with some friends, all almost convulsed +with laughter. + +[Illustration] + + + LONDON: + Printed by D. S. Maurice, Fenchurch Street. + + + + + =Works Illustrated by George Cruikshank.= + + PUBLISHED BY JAMES ROBINS AND CO. + + + GERMAN POPULAR STORIES, + + Collected by MM. GRIMM, from Oral Tradition. Fourth Edition, with 12 + Etchings by GEORGE CRUIKSHANK, price 7s. + + 'This Book ought to be in the possession of the man as a + curiosity, and of the child as an amusement.'--New Monthly + Magazine. + + + A SECOND VOLUME OF GERMAN POPULAR STORIES, + + Illustrated by GEORGE CRUIKSHANK, price 7s. + + 'Of the first volume of this entertaining publication we spoke + very favorably; and what with the German varieties in this + sequel of well known nursery tales, and the clever designs of + George Cruikshank, certain it is this volume the second deserves + almost equal praise.'--Literary Gazette. + + + POINTS OF HUMOUR, + +Illustrated by a Series of Designs, by GEORGE CRUIKSHANK, on Copper and +Wood. Parts 1 and 2, Royal 8vo. price 8s.; coloured 12s. 6d.: and India + proofs 12s. 6d. each. + + + GREENWICH HOSPITAL, + +A Series of NAVAL SKETCHES, descriptive of the Life of a +Man-of-War's-Man, by an OLD SAILOR. Printed in demy 4to. with Twelve +characteristic Illustrations on Copper by GEORGE CRUIKSHANK, coloured +in Costume, in addition to numerous Engravings on Wood, price One +Guinea, boards. + + 'In compliment to the inexhaustible talent and drollery of + George Cruikshank, we have put this article at the head of our + department of the Fine Arts; and it well deserves that grace. + Yet it must not be fancied that we mean to derogate from the + literary merits of the "Old Sailor," whose Smollet-like humour + and genuine nautical characteristics so often occupied that + portion of the Literary Gazette in which we endeavour to lighten + and enliven its graver pages. Indeed, these Tales (or the far + greater number of them) now so cleverly brought together, + were originally printed in our columns; where they obtained + so much popularity, as to lead to their being republished in + this collected form, with the addition of the artist's merry, + grotesque, and laughable designs.'--Literary Gazette. + + + MORE MORNINGS AT BOW STREET, + +A New Series of the most humorous and entertaining Reports, by JOHN +WIGHT, of the Morning Herald. With a Frontispiece and twenty-five +Illustrations by GEORGE CRUIKSHANK. 10s. 6d. A few copies are printed +on India paper, price 15s. + +India and plain impressions of the Cuts may be had separately, price +10s. 6d. and 6s. + + + TALES OF IRISH LIFE, + +Illustrative of the Manners, Customs, and Condition of the People, +collected during a residence of several years in various parts of +Ireland, with Illustrations by GEORGE CRUIKSHANK. In 2 vols, price 12s. + + 'There is much matter worthy of earnest national attention in + these fictions; while, at the same time, they are characteristic + and amusing'--Literary Gazette. + + 'The designs of George Cruikshank, in this work, are sufficient + to render any tales immortal.'--British Press. + + 'A hue of nature pervades them--an air of reality invests + them;--life, actual life, is stamped upon the incidents and upon + the characters.'--Dublin Morning Register. + + 'These volumes are calculated to do much good.'--Dublin and + London Magazine. + + 'We recommend the whole to the perusal of our readers, as highly + worthy of their attention.'--Critical Gazette. + + + HANS OF ICELAND, + +A Tale, with four highly finished Etchings by GEORGE CRUIKSHANK. +Price 7s. 6d. + + 'Some say this monster was a witch, + Some say he was a devil.'--Dragon of Wantley. + + 'Really Hans of Iceland is altogether one of the best + productions of its class which we have seen. There is a power + about it resembling one of Fuseli's pictures, and Cruikshank's + designs are capital.'--Literary Gazette. + + + THE HUMOURIST: + +A Chaste Collection of Entertaining Tales, Anecdotes, Epigrams, Witty +Sayings, &c. Original and Selected. Embellished with Forty coloured +Plates, Drawn and Engraved by GEORGE CRUIKSHANK. In Four Volumes, 5s +each. + + + ECCENTRIC TALES, + +From the German of W. F. VON KOSEWITZ. Embellished with twenty +coloured Illustrations by GEORGE CRUIKSHANK, from Sketches by ALFRED +CROWQUILL. Price 15s. + + + MEMOIRS OF THE LIFE AND WRITINGS OF LORD BYRON, + +by GEO. CLINTON, ESQ. with a Portrait and Forty illustrations, by +GEO. CRUIKSHANK. + + + + +Transcriber's Notes: + + +Obvious punctuation and spelling errors have been fixed throughout. + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Points of Humour, Part 1 (of 2), by Anonymous + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 44571 *** |