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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Pamphlets and Parodies on Political
+Subjects, by William Hone
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Pamphlets and Parodies on Political Subjects
+
+Author: William Hone
+
+Illustrator: George Cruikshank
+
+Release Date: December 26, 2013 [EBook #44520]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PAMPHLETS AND PARODIES ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+
+PAMPHLETS AND PARODIES ON POLITICAL SUBJECTS
+
+By William Hone,
+
+With Numerous Wood Cuts, by Cruikshank
+
+[Illustration: 010]
+
+[Illustration: 011]
+
+
+{003}
+
+LONDON:
+
+I. CHIDLEY, J 51, GOSWELL STREET,.
+
+{005}
+
+
+
+
+THE POLITICAL HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT.
+
+ "A straw--thrown up to show which way the wind blows."
+
+WITH THIRTEEN CUTS
+
+[Illustration: 013]
+
+Fifty-first Edition
+
+ London:
+
+ Printed By And For William Hone,
+ Ludgate Hill.
+
+ 1821.
+
+ ONE SHILLING.
+
+{006]
+
+ --"Many, whose sequester'd lot
+ Forbids their interference, looking on,
+ Anticipate perforce some dire event;
+ And, seeing the old castle of the state,
+ That promis'd once more firmness, so assail'd,
+ That all its tempest-beaten turrets shake,
+ Stand motionless expectants of its fall."
+
+ Cowper.
+
+ NOTE. Each Motto that follows, is from Cowper's "Task."
+
+{007}
+
+
+
+THE AUTHOR'S DEDICATION TO HIS POLITICAL GODCHILD.
+
+ To
+
+ Doctor Slop,
+
+ In Acknowledgment Of
+
+ Many Public Testimonials Of His Filial Gratitude;
+
+ And To The Nursery Of Children Six Feet High, His Readers,
+
+ For The Delight And Instruction Of Their Uninformed Minds
+
+ This Juvenile Publication
+
+ Is Affectionately Inscribed,
+
+ By
+
+ The Doctor's Political Godfather,
+
+ The Author.
+
+**The Publication wherein the Author of "The Political House that Jack
+Built" conferred upon Dr. SLOP the lasting distinction of his name, was
+a Jeu d'Esprit, entitled "Buonapartephobia, or cursing made easy to the
+meanest capacity"--It is reprinted, and may be had of the Publisher,
+Price One Shilling.
+
+[Illustration: 016]
+
+{009}
+
+THIS IS THE HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT
+
+[Illustration: 017]
+
+ THIS IS
+
+ THE WEALTH
+
+ that lay
+ In the House that Jack built.
+
+{010}
+
+[Illustration: 018]
+
+ ----"A race obscene,
+
+ Spawn'd in the muddy beds of Nile, came forth,
+ Polluting Egypt: gardens, fields, and plains,
+ Were cover'd with the pest;
+
+ The croaking nuisance lurk'd in every nook;
+ Nor palaces, nor even chambers,'scap'd;
+ And the land stank --so num'rous was the fry."
+
+ THESE ARE
+
+ THE VERMIN
+
+ That plunder the Wealth,
+ That lay in the House,
+
+ That Jack built.
+
+{011}
+
+[Illustration: 019]
+
+ THIS IS
+
+ THE THING,
+
+ that in spite of new Acts,
+ And attempts to restrain it,
+
+ by Soldiers or Tax,
+
+ Will _poison_ the Vermin,
+
+ That plunder the Wealth,
+
+ That lay in the House,
+
+ That Jack built.
+
+{012}
+
+[Illustration: 020]
+
+ THIS IS
+
+ THE PUBLIC INFORMER,
+
+ who
+
+ Would pull down the _Thing,_
+
+ that, in spite of new Acts,
+ And attempts to restrain it,
+ by Soldiers or Tax,
+
+ Will poison the Vermin, that plunder the Wealth,
+ That lay in the House, that Jack built.
+
+{013}
+
+[Illustration: 021]
+
+ THESE ARE
+
+ THE REASONS OF LAWLESS POWER,
+ That back the Public Informer,
+ who
+
+ Would put down the Thing,
+
+ that, in spite of new Acts,
+
+ And attempts to restrain it,
+
+ by Soldiers or Tax,
+
+ Will _poison_ the Vermin,
+
+ That plunder the W ealth,
+
+ That lay in the House,
+
+ That Jack built.
+
+{014}
+
+[Illustration: 022]
+
+ This is THE MAN--all shaven and shorn,
+ All cover'd with Orders--and all forlorn;
+
+{015}
+
+ THE DANDY OF SIXTY,
+
+ Who bows with a grace,
+
+ And has _taste_ in wigs, collars,
+
+ cuirasses, and lace;
+
+ Who, to tricksters and fools,
+
+ leaves the State and its treasure,
+ And, when Britain's in tears,
+
+ sails about at his pleasure,
+ Who spurn'd from his presence
+
+ the Friends of his youth,
+
+ And now has not one
+
+ who will tell him the truth;
+ Who took to his counsels,
+ in evil hour,
+
+ The Friends to the Reasons
+
+ of lawless Power;
+
+ That back the Public Informer
+ who
+
+ Would put down the _Thing_,
+
+ that, in spite of new Acts,
+
+ And attempts to restrain it,
+
+ by Soldiers or Tax,
+
+ Will _poison_ the Vermin,
+
+ That plunder the Wealth,
+
+ That lay in the House,
+
+ That Jack built.
+
+{016}
+
+[Illustration: 024]
+
+ THESE ARE
+
+ THE PEOPLE
+
+ all tatter'd and torn,
+ Who curse the day
+
+ wherein they were born,
+ On account of Taxation
+
+ too great to be borne,
+ And pray for relief,
+
+ from night to morn:
+ Who, in vain, Petition
+
+ in every form,
+
+{017}
+
+ Who, peaceably Meeting
+
+ to ask for Reform,
+
+ Were sabred by Yeomanry Cavalry,
+ who
+
+ Were thank'd by THE MAN,
+
+ all shaven and shorn,
+
+ All cover'd with Orders--
+
+ and all forlorn;
+
+ THE DANDY OF SIXTY,
+
+ who bows with a grace,
+
+ And has taste in wigs, collars,
+
+ cuirasses, and lace:
+
+ "Who, to tricksters and fools,
+
+ leaves the state and its treasure,
+ And, when Britain's in tears,
+
+ sails about at his pleasure:
+
+ Who spurn'd from his presence
+
+ the Friends of his youth,
+
+ And now' has not one
+
+ who will tell him the truth;
+
+ Who took to his counsels, in evil hour,
+
+ The Friends to the Reasons of law less Power,
+
+ That back the Public Informer, who
+ Would put down the _Thing_, that, in spite of new Acts,
+ And attempts to restrain it, by Soldiers or Tax,
+ Will _poison_ the Vermin, that plunder the Wealth,
+ That lay in the House, that Jack built.
+
+{018}
+
+[Illustration: 026]
+
+ This is THE DOCTOR
+
+ of _Circular_ fame,
+ A Driv'ller, a Bigot, a Knave
+ without shame:
+
+{019}
+
+ And _that's_ DERRY DOWN TRIANGLE
+
+ by name,
+
+ From the Land of misrule,
+
+ and half-hanging, and flame:
+ And _that_ is THE SPOUTER OF FROTH
+ BY THE HOUR,
+
+ The worthless colleague
+
+ of their infamous power:
+
+ W ho dubb'd _him_ 'the Doctor'
+
+ whom now he calls 'brother,'
+ And, to get at his Place,
+
+ took a shot at the other;
+
+ Who haunts their _Bad House_,
+
+ a base living to earn,
+
+ By playing Jack-pudding, and Ruffian,
+ in turn;
+
+ Who bullies, for those
+
+ whom he bullied before;
+
+ Their _Flash_-man, their Bravo,
+
+ a son of a --------;
+
+ The hate of the People,
+
+ all tatter'd and torn,
+
+ Who curse the day
+
+ wherein they were born,
+
+ On account of Taxation
+
+ too great to be borne,
+
+ And pray for relief
+
+ from night to morn;
+
+{020}
+
+ Who, in vain, petition
+
+ in every form:
+
+ Who peaceably Meeting
+
+ to ask for Reform,
+
+ Were sabred by Yeomanry Cavalry,
+ who
+
+ Were thank'd by THE MAN,
+
+ all shaven and shorn,
+
+ All cover'd with Orders--
+
+ and all forlorn;
+
+ THE DANDY OF SIXTY,
+
+ who bows with a grace,
+
+ And has _taste_ in wigs, collars,
+
+ cuirasses and lace:
+
+ Who to tricksters and fools,
+
+ leaves the State and its treasure,
+ And, when Britain's in tears,
+
+ sails about at his pleasure:
+
+ Who spurn'd from his presence
+
+ the Friends of his youth,
+
+ And now has not one
+
+ who will tell him the truth;
+
+ Who took to his counsels, in evil hour,
+
+ The Friends to the Reasons of lawless Power;
+ That back the Public Informer, who
+ Would put down the _Thing_, that, inspite of new Acts,
+ And attempts to restrain it, by Soldiers or Tax,
+ Will _poison_ the Vermin, that plunder the Wealth
+
+ That lay in the House, that Jack built.
+
+{021}
+
+[Illustration: 029]
+
+ This WORD is the Watchword--
+ the talisman word,
+
+ That the WATERLOO-MAN's to crush
+ with his sword;
+
+{022}
+
+ But, if shielded by Norfolk
+
+ and Bedford's alliance,
+
+ It will set both his sword,
+
+ and him at defiance;
+
+ If Fitzwilliam, and Grosvenor, and
+ Albemarle aid it,
+
+ And assist its best Champions,
+
+ who then dare invade it?
+
+ 'Tis the terrible WORD OF FEAR,
+ night and morn,
+
+ To the _Guilty Trio_,
+
+ all cover'd with scorn;
+
+ First, to the Doctor,
+
+ of Circular fame,
+
+ A Driv'ller, a Bigot, a Knave
+ without shame:
+
+ And next, Derry Down Triangle
+ by name,
+
+ From the Land of Mis-rule,
+
+ and Half-hanging, and Flame:
+ And then, to the Spouter of Froth
+ by the hour,
+
+ The worthless colleague
+
+ of their infamous power;
+
+ Who dubb'd _him_ 'the Doctor,'
+
+ whom now he calls 'brother',
+ And to get at his Place,
+
+ took a shot at the other;
+
+{023]
+
+ Who haunts their _Bad House_,
+
+ a base living to earn,
+
+ By playing Jack-Pudding, and Ruffian,
+ in turn;
+
+ Who bullies for those,
+
+ whom he bullied before;
+ Their _Flash_-man, their Bravo,
+
+ a son of a --------;
+
+ The hate of the People,
+
+ all tatter'd and torn,
+
+ Who curse the day
+
+ wherein they were born
+ On account of Taxation
+
+ too great to be borne,
+
+ And pray for relief,
+
+ from night to morn;
+
+ Who, in vain, Petition
+
+ in every form,
+
+ Who peaceably Meeting,
+
+ to ask for Reform,
+
+ Were sabred by Yeomanry Cavalry,
+ who,
+
+ Were thank'd by _THE MAN_,
+
+ all shaven and shorn,
+
+ All cover'd with Orders--
+
+ and all forlorn;
+
+ THE DANDY OF SIXTY,
+
+ who bows with a grace,
+
+{024}
+
+ And has _taste_ in wigs, collars,
+
+ cuirasses and lace;
+
+ Who, to tricksters and fools,
+
+ leaves the State and its treasure,
+ And, when Britain's in tears,
+
+ sails about at his pleasure;
+
+ Who spurn'd from his presence
+
+ the Friends of his youth,
+
+ And now has not one
+
+ who will tell him the Truth;
+ Who took to his counsels,
+ in evil hour,
+
+ The friends to the Reasons
+
+ of lawless Power;
+
+ That back the Public Informer,
+ who
+
+ Would put down the Thing
+
+ that, in spite of new Acts,
+
+ And attempts to restrain it
+
+ by Soldiers or Tax,
+
+ Will _poison_ the Vermin,
+
+ That plunder the Wealth,
+
+ That lay in the House,
+
+ That Jack built.
+
+END OF THE HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT.
+
+{025}
+
+[Illustration: 033]
+
+
+
+
+THE CLERICAL MAGISTRATE.
+
+
+ THIS PRIEST,
+
+ made 'according to Law,'
+
+{026}
+
+ Who, on being ordain'd, vow'd, by rote, like a daw,
+ That he felt himself call'd, by the Holy Spirit,
+
+ To teach men the Kingdom of Heaven to merit;
+ That, to think of the World and the flesh he'd cease,
+ And keep men in quietness, love, and peace;
+
+ And, making thus his profession and boast,
+ Receiv'd, from the Bishop, the Holy Ghost:
+
+ Then--not having the fear of God before him--
+
+ Is sworn in a Justice, and one of the _Quorum_;
+ 'Gainst his spiritual Oath, puts his Oath of the Bench,
+ And, instead of his Bible, examines a wench;
+
+ Gets Chairman of Sessions--leaves his flock, sick
+ or dying,
+
+ To license Ale-houses--and assist in the trying
+ Of prostitutes, poachers, pickpockets, and thieves;--
+ Having _charged_ the Grand Jury, dines with them,
+ and gives
+
+ "Church and King without day-light gets _fresh_,
+ and puts in--
+
+ To the stocks vulgar people, who fuddle with gin:
+ Stage-coach men, and toll-men, convicts as he pleases;
+ And beggars and paupers incessantly teazes:
+ Commits starving vagrants, and orders Distress
+ On the Poor, for their Rates--signs warrants to press,
+ And beats up for names to a Loyal Address:
+ Would indict, for Rebellion, those who Petition:
+ And, all who look peaceable, try for Sedition;
+
+{027}
+
+ If the People were legally Meeting, in quiet,
+ Would pronounce it decidedly--_sec. Stut_.--a Riot,
+ And order the Soldiers 'to aid and assist,'
+
+ That is--kill the helpless, who cannot resist.
+
+ He, though vowing 'from all worldly studies to
+ cease,'
+
+ Breaks the Peace of the Church, to be Justice of Peace;
+ Breaks his vows madeto Heaven: a pander for power;
+ A Perjurer--a guide to the People no more;
+
+ On God turns his back,
+
+ when he turns the State's Agent;
+ And damns his own Soul,
+
+ to be friends with the --------.
+
+THE END.
+
+[Illustration: 035]
+
+{028}
+
+{029}
+
+[Illustration: 037]
+
+
+
+
+THE QUEEN'S MATRIMONIAL LADDER,
+
+A National Toy With Fourteen Step Scenes;
+
+And Illustrations In Verse,
+
+With Eighteen Other Cuts.
+
+By The Author Of The Political House That Jack Built."
+
+{030}
+
+'It is a wonderful thing to consider the strength of Princes' wills when
+they are bent to have their Pleasure fulfilled, wherein no reasonable
+persuasion' will serve their turn: how little do they regard the
+dangerous sequels, that may ensue as well to themselves as to their
+Subjects. And amongst all things there is nothing that makes them more
+wilful than Carnal Love, and various affecting of voluptuous desires."
+
+Cavendish's Memoirs of Curd. Wolsey
+
+{031}
+
+[Illustration: 039]
+
+QUALIFICATION.
+
+In love, and in drink, and o'ertoppled by debt
+
+With women, with wine, and with duns on the fret.
+
+{032}
+
+[Illustration: 040]
+
+DECLARATION.
+
+ The Prodigal Son, by his perils surrounded,
+
+ Vex'd, harass'd, bewilder'd, asham'd, and con-
+ founded,
+
+ Fled for help to his Father,
+
+ confessed his ill doing,
+
+ And begged for salvation
+
+ from stark staring ruin;
+
+ The sire urged--"The People
+
+ your debts have twice paid,
+
+ "And, to ask a third time,
+
+ even Pitt is afraid;
+
+ "But he shall if you'll marry, and lead a new life,--
+ "You've a cousin in Germany--make her your
+ wife!"
+
+{033}
+
+[Illustration: 041]
+
+ACCEPTATION.
+
+ From the high halls of Brunswick, all youthful and
+
+ gay,
+
+ From the hearth of her fathers, he lured her away:
+ How joy'd she in coming--
+
+ how smiling the bower;
+ flow sparkling their nuptials--
+
+ how welcome her dower.
+
+ Ah! short were her pleasures--full soon came her
+ cares--
+
+ Her husbandless bride-bed was wash'd with her
+ tears.
+
+{034}
+
+[Illustration: 042]
+
+ALTERATION.
+
+ Near a million of debts gone,
+
+ all gone were her charms--
+ What! an Epicure have _his own_ wife
+ in his arms?
+
+ She was not to his _taste_--
+
+ what car'd _he_ for the 'form,'
+
+ 'To love and to cherish'
+
+ could not mean reform:
+
+ 'To love' meant, of course, nothing else
+ but neglect;--
+
+ 'To cherish' to leave her,
+
+ and shew disrespect
+
+{035}
+
+[Illustration: 043]
+
+IMPUTATION.
+
+ Was it manly, when widow'd,
+
+ to spy at her actions;
+
+ To listen to eaves-droppers,
+
+ whisp'ring detractions:
+
+ And, like an old Watchman,
+
+ with faults to conceal,
+
+ Get up a _false Charge_,
+
+ as a proof of his zeal?
+
+ If desertion was base, Oh base be his name,
+ Who, having deserted, would bring her to sham?
+
+{036}
+
+[Illustration: 044]
+
+EXCULPATION.
+
+ Undaunted in spirit, her courage arose,
+
+ With encrease of charges, and encrease of foes.
+ Despising the husband,
+
+ who thus had abused her,
+
+ She proved to his father,
+
+ his son had ill used her:--
+
+ Her conduct examin'd, and sifted, shone bright,
+ Her enemies fled, as the shadows of night
+
+{037}
+
+[Illustration: 045]
+
+EMIGRATION.
+
+ Her father and king, while with reason yet blest,
+ Protected her weakness, and shielded her rest;
+ Infirmity seizes him, false friends draw near,
+
+ Then spies gather round, and malignants appear;
+ And cajole, wait, watch, insult,
+
+ alarm, and betray,
+
+ Till from home, and her daughter,
+
+ they force her away.
+
+{038}
+
+[Illustration: 046]
+
+REMIGRATION.
+
+ Still pursued, when a 'wanderer,'
+
+ her child sleeps in death,
+
+ And her best friend, in England, her king,
+ yields his breath;
+
+ This gives her new rights--
+
+ they neglect and proscribe her;
+
+ She threatens returning--they then try to bribe her!
+
+ The bullies turn slaves, and, in meanness, fawn on her:
+
+ They feel her contempt, and they vow her dishonour;
+
+ But she 'steers her own course,' comes indignantly
+ over,
+
+ And the shouts of the nation salute her at Dover!
+
+{039}
+
+[Illustration: 047]
+
+CONSTERNATION.
+
+ Ah, what was that groan!--
+
+ 'twas the Head of the Church,
+ When he found she was come--
+
+ for he dreaded a search
+ Into what _he_'d been doing:
+
+ and sorely afraid, for
+ What _she_ might find out,
+
+ cried '_I'll not have her pray'd for'_;
+
+ And the B------ps, obeying their _pious_ Head,
+
+ care took
+ That the name of his wife
+
+ should be out of the prayer book!
+
+ A BURNING SHAME!"
+
+{040}
+
+[Illustration: 048]
+
+ACCUSATION.
+
+ On searching for precedents, much to their dread,
+ They found that they could n't well cut off her head;
+
+{041}
+
+ And the 'House of Incurables' raised a 'Report'
+ She was not a fit person to live in _his_ Court.
+
+ How like an OLD CHARLEY
+
+ they then made him stand,
+
+ In his lanthorn a _leech_,
+
+ the 'Report' in his hand.
+
+ 'Good folks be so good as not go near that door
+ 'For, though my own wife, she _is_--I could say more
+ 'But it's all in this _Bag_, and there'll be a fine pother,
+
+ 'I shall get rid of her, and I'll then get another!'
+
+ Yet he thought, to himself,--
+
+ 'twas a thought most distressing,--
+
+ 'If _she_ should discover
+
+ I've been M--ch--ss--g,
+
+ 'There's an end of the whole!
+
+ D----rs C-ns, of course,
+
+ 'If _my own_ hands are dirty,
+
+ won't grant a D------ce!'
+
+ He tried to look wise, but he only look'd wild;
+ The women laugh'd out, and the grave even smiled:
+ The old frown'd upon him--the children made sport,
+ And his wife held her _ridicule_ at his 'Report'!
+
+ Moral.
+
+ _Be warn'd by his fate
+ Married, single, and all;
+
+ Ye elderly Gentlemen,
+
+ Pity his fall!_
+
+{042}
+
+[Illustration: 050]
+
+PUBLICATION.
+
+ As yon bright orb, that vivifies our ball,
+ Sees through our system, and illumines all;
+
+{043}
+
+ So, sees and shines, our Moral Sun, The Press,
+ Alike to vivify the mind, and bless;
+
+ Sees the rat _Leech_ turn towards Milan's walls,
+
+ 'Till the black slime betrays him as he crawls;'
+ Sees, from that recreant, vile, and eunuch-land,
+ Where felon-perjurers hold their market-stand,
+ _Cooke_, with his 'cheek of parchment, eye of stone,'
+ Get up the evidence, to go well down;
+
+ Sees who, with eager hands, the Green Bag cram,
+ And warns the nation of the frightful flam;
+
+ Sees Him, for whom they work the treacherous
+ task,
+
+ With face, scarce half conceal'd, behind their mask,
+ Fat, fifty-eight, and frisky, still a beau,
+
+ Grasping a half-made match, by _Leech_-light go;
+ Led by a passion, prurient, blind, and batter'd,
+ Lame, bloated, pointless, flameless, age'd and
+ shatter'd;
+
+ Creeping, like Guy Fawkes, to blow up his wife,
+ Whom, spurn'd in youth, he dogs through after-life.
+
+ Scorn'd, exiled, baffled, goaded in distress,
+
+ She owes her safety to a fearless Press:
+
+ With all the freedom that it makes its own,
+
+ It guards, alike, the people and their throne;
+
+ While fools with darkling eye-balls shun its gaze,
+ And soaring villains scorch beneath its blaze.
+
+{044}
+
+[Illustration: 052]
+
+INDIGNATION.
+
+ The day will soon come, when 'the Judge and the
+ Ponderer,'
+
+ Will judge between thee, and the charge-daring
+ 'Wanderer
+
+ Will say--'Thou who cast the first stone at thy wife,
+
+ Art thou without sin, and is spotless _thy_ life?'
+
+ Ah! what if _thy_ faults should 'outrival the sloe,'
+
+ And thy wife's, beside thine, should look 'whiter
+ than snow'!
+
+ Bethink thee! the old British Lion awoke,
+
+ Turns indignant, and treads out thy bag-full of smoke.
+
+ Spurn thy minions--the traitors, who counsel thee,
+ banish;
+
+ And the soldiers will quickly forget all their _Spanish!_
+
+{045}
+
+[Illustration: 053]
+
+CORONATION.
+
+ Shakspeare says, in King John, it's a curse most
+ abhorrent,
+
+ That '_Slaves_ take the humours of Kings for a warrant.'
+ A more _useful_ truth never fell from his pen,
+
+ If Kings would apply it like sober-bred men.
+
+ The Slaves of _your_ will,
+
+ will make your reign, in History,
+
+ A misrule of force, folly, taxing, and mystery:
+ Indulging your wish for
+
+ what, with law,'s incompatible,
+
+ For the present, they've render'd your crown
+ not come-at-able;
+
+ And the tongues of old women and infancy wag,
+ With, 'He call'd for his crown--and
+
+ they gave him the _Bag!_'
+
+{046}
+
+[Illustration: 054]
+
+DEGRADATION.
+
+ To this have they brought thee, at last!
+
+{047}
+
+ Exposed thee, for all men to see!
+ Ah, surely, their pandering
+
+ shall quickly be past:--
+ 'How wretched their portion
+ shall be!
+
+ 'Derision shall strike them
+ forlorn,
+
+ 'A mockery that never shall die:
+
+ 'The curses of hate and the hisses
+ of scorn,
+ f Shall follow wherever they fly;
+
+ 'And proud o'er their ruin
+
+ for ever be hurl'd,
+
+ 'The laughter of triumph,
+
+ the jeers of the world!'
+
+ THE END
+
+[Illustration: 055]
+
+{048}
+
+[Illustration: 056]
+
+
+
+
+THE JOSS AND HIS FOLLY,
+
+ An Extract of an overland Dispatch.
+
+ I stare at it from out my casement,
+ And ask for what is such a place meant.
+
+ Byron.
+
+July 29, 1820.
+
+ ----The queerest of all the queer sights
+ I've set sight on;--
+ Is, the _what dye-call'-t thing_, here,
+ The Folly at Brighton
+
+{049}
+
+The outside--huge teapots,
+
+ all drill'd round with holes,
+Relieved by extinguishers,
+
+ sticking on poles:
+
+The inside--all tea-things,
+
+ and dragons, and bells,
+
+The show rooms--_all_ show,
+
+ the sleeping rooms--cells.
+
+But the _grand_ Curiosity
+
+ 's not to be seen--
+
+The owner himself--
+
+ an old fat Mandarin;
+
+A patron of painters
+
+ who copy designs,
+
+That grocers and tea-dealers
+
+ hang up for signs:
+
+Hence teaboard-taste artists
+
+ gain rewards and distinction,
+Hence his title of 'Teapot'
+
+ shall last to extinction.
+
+I saw his great chair
+
+ into which he falls--soss--
+And sits, in his China Shop,
+
+ like a large Joss;
+
+His mannikins round him,
+
+ in tea-tray array,
+
+His pea-hens beside him,
+
+ to make him seem gay.
+
+{050}
+
+ It is said when he sleeps
+
+ on his state Eider-down,
+
+ And thinks on his Wife,
+
+ and about _half_ a Crown;
+
+That he wakes from these horrible dreams in a stew;
+
+And that, stretching his arms out,
+
+ he screams, Mrs. Q.!
+
+ He's cool'd on the M--ch-ss,
+
+ but I'm your debtor
+
+ For further particulars--
+
+ in a C letter.
+
+You must know that he hates _his own_ wife, to a failing;--
+
+ And it's thought, it's to shun her,
+ he's now gone out
+
+SAILING.
+
+[Illustration: 058]
+
+{051}
+
+{052}
+
+{053}
+
+[Illustration: 061]
+
+
+
+
+THE FORM OF PRAYER, WITH THANKSGIVING TO ALMIGHTY GOD,
+
+ To be used daily by all devout People throughout
+ the Realm, for the Happy Deliverance of Her
+ Majesty QUEEN CAROLINE From the late most Traitorous Conspiracy.
+
+ Eighth Edition.
+
+ LONDON:
+
+ Printed for WILLIAM HONE, 45, Ludgate Hill; and
+ sold by all Booksellers in the United Kingdom. 1820. _Price
+ Six-pence._
+
+{054}
+
+ THE ORDER FOR DAILY PRAYER THROUGHOUT THE YEAR.
+
+ _At the beginning of Morning and Evening Prayer the
+ Minister may read with a loud voice some one or more
+ of these Sentences of the Scriptures that follow. And
+ then may be said that which is written after the said
+ Sentences, together with other suitable portions of the
+ usual Service._
+
+{055}
+
+ WHEN the righteous are in authority, the people
+ rejoice: but when the wicked beareth rule, the
+ people mourn. _Prov. xxix. 2._
+
+ By reason of the multitude of oppressions they make
+ the oppressed to cry: they cry out by reason of the
+ arm of the mighty. _Job, xxxv. 9._
+
+ If a ruler hearken to lies, all his servants are
+ wicked. _Prov. xxix. 12._
+
+ The wicked walk on every side when the vilest men
+ are exalted. _Psalm xii. 8._
+
+ They are exalted for a little while, but they are
+ gone and brought low: they are taken out of the way
+ as all other, and cut off as the tops of green corn.
+ _Job, xxiv. 24._
+
+ A righteous man falling down before the wicked is
+ as a troubled fountain, and a corrupt spring. _Prov.
+ xxv. 26._
+
+ A wise king scattereth the wicked, and bringeth
+ the wheel over them. _Prov. xx. 26._
+
+{056}
+
+ _This Hymn following may be used; one Verse by the
+ Priest, and another by the Clerk and People._
+
+ O GIVE thanks unto the Lord, for he is gracious:
+ and his mercy endureth for ever. _Psalm cvii. 1.
+
+ Let them give thanks whom the Lord hath redeemed:
+ and delivered from the hand of the enemy. Verse 2._
+
+ Many a time have they fought against me from my
+ youth up. _Psalm cxxix. 1._
+
+ _Yea, many a time have they vexed me from my youth
+ up: but they have not prevailed against me. Verse 2._
+
+ They have privily laid their net to destroy me
+ without a cause: yea, even without a cause have they
+ made a pit for my soul. _Psalm xxxv. 7._
+
+ _They have laid a net for my feet, and pressed down my
+ soul: they have digged a pit before me, and are fallen
+ into the midst of it themselves. Psalm lvii. 7._
+
+ Great is our Lord, and great is his power: yea,
+ and his wisdom is infinite. _Psalm cxlvii. 5._
+
+ _The Lord setteth up the meek: and bringeth the un-
+ godly down to the ground. Verse 6._
+
+ _Two Psalms appointed in the Book of Common Prayer
+
+ to be said on the 29th of each month throughout the year._
+
+ PSALM CXL. _Eripe me, Domine._.
+
+ DELIVER me, O Lord, from the evil man: and
+ preserve me from the wicked man.
+
+ 2 Who imagine mischief in their hearts: and stir
+ up strife all the day long.
+
+ 3 They have sharpened their tongues like a ser-
+ pent: adders' poison is under their lips.
+
+ 4 Keep me, O Lord, from the hands of the un-
+ godly: preserve me from the wicked men, who are
+ purposed to overthrow my goings.
+
+{057}
+
+ 5 The proud have laid a snare for me, and spread
+ a net abroad with cords: yea, and set traps in my
+ way.
+
+ 6 I said unto the Lord, Thou art my God: hear
+ the voice of my prayers, O Lord.
+
+ 7 O Lord God, thou strength of my health: thou
+ hast covered my head in the day of battle.
+
+ 8 Let not the ungodly have his desire, O Lord:
+ let not his mischievous imagination prosper, lest they
+ be too proud.
+
+ 9 Let the mischief of their own lips fall upon the
+ head of them: that compass me about.
+
+ 10 Let hot burning coals fall upon them: let them
+ be cast into the fire, and into the pit, that they never
+ rise up again.
+
+ 11 A man full of words shall not prosper upon the
+ earth: evil shall hunt the wicked person to overthrow
+ him.
+
+ 12 Sure I am that the Lord will avenge the poor:
+ and maintain the cause of the helpless.
+
+ IS The righteous also shall give thanks unto thy
+ Name: and the just shall continue in thy sight.
+
+ PSALM CXLI. _Domine clamavi._
+
+ LORD, I call upon thee, haste thee unto me and
+ consider my voice when I cry unto thee.
+
+ 2 Let my prayer be set forth in thy sight as the
+ incense: and let the lifting up of my hands be an
+ evening sacrifice.
+
+ 3 Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth: and
+ keep the door of my lips.
+
+ 4 O let not mine heart be inclined to any evil
+ thing: let me not be occupied in ungodly works with
+ the men that work wickedness, lest I eat of such
+ things as please them.
+
+{058}
+ 5 Let the righteous rather smite me friendly: and
+ reprove me.
+
+ 6 But let not their precious balms break my head:
+ yea, I will pray yet against their wickedness.
+
+ 7 Let their judges be overthrown in stony places:
+ that they may hear my words, for they are sweet.
+
+ 8 Our bones lie scattered before the pit: like as
+ when one breaketh and hevveth wood upon the earth.
+
+ 9 But mine eyes look unto thee, O Lord God: in
+ thee is my trust, O cast not out my soul.
+
+ 10 Keep me from the snare that they have laid for
+ me: and from the traps of the wicked doers.
+
+ 11 Let the ungodly fall into their own nets toge-
+ ther: and let me ever escape them.
+
+ _The Suffrages may be as followeth._
+
+ Priest. O Lord, save the Queen.
+
+ People. Who putteth her trust in thee.
+
+ Priest. Send her help from thy holy place.
+
+ People. And evermore mightily defend her.
+
+ Priest. Let her enemies have no advantage against
+ her.
+
+ People. Let not the wicked approach to hurt her.
+
+ _After the Collects_ [for Peace and Deliverance from
+ our Enemies] _may be said that which followeth._
+
+ ALMIGHTY God and heavenly Father, who of thy
+ gracious providence, and tender mercy towards
+ us, didst prevent the malice and imaginations of our
+ enemies, by discovering and confounding their horrible
+ and wicked Enterprize, plotted and intended to have
+ been executed against the Queen and the whole State
+ of _England_, for the subversion of the Government
+ and Religion established among us; and didst like-
+ wise wonderfully conduct thy Servant Queen _Caroline_,
+ and bring her safely into _England_, and preserve us
+ from the attempts of our enemies to bereave us of our
+ religion and laws: We most humbly praise and mag-
+ nify thy most glorious Name for thy unspeakable
+ goodness towards us, expressed in both these acts of
+ thy mercy. Let the consideration of this thy re-
+ peated goodness, O Lord, work in us true repentance,
+ that iniquity may not be our ruin. And increase in
+ us more and more a lively faith and love, fruitful in
+ all holy obedience; that thou mayest still continue
+ thy favour, with the light of thy Gospel, to us and
+ our posterity for evermore. _Amen._
+
+{059}
+
+ _Prayer._
+
+ ALMIGHTY God, who hast in all ages shewed
+ thy Power and Mercy in the protection of
+ righteous States from the wicked conspiracies, and
+ malicious practices of all the enemies thereof: We
+ yield thee our unfeigned thanks and praise, for the
+ wonderful and mighty deliverance of our gracious
+ Queen CAROLINE, by cruel treachery appointed as
+ a sheep to the slaughter, in a most barbarous and
+ savage manner, beyond the examples of former ages.
+ From this unnatural conspiracy, not our merit, but
+ thy mercy; not our foresight, but thy providence
+ delivered us: And therefore not unto us, O Lord,
+ not unto us, but unto thy Name be ascribed all
+ honour and glory, in all Churches of the saints, from
+ generation to generation. _Amen._
+
+ _Instead of the Prayer_ [In time of War and Tu-
+ mults] _may be used this Prayer following._
+
+{060}
+
+ ETERNAL God, and our most mighty Protector,
+ we thy unworthy servants do humbly present
+ ourselves before thy Majesty, acknowledging thy
+ power, wisdom, and goodness, in preserving the
+ Queen from the destruction intended against her.
+ Make us, we beseech thee, truly thankful for this,
+ and for all other thy great mercies towards us; par-
+ ticularly we bless thee for giving Her Majesty a safe
+ arrival here, and for making all opposition fall before
+ her. We beseech thee to protect and defend her
+ from all treasons and conspiracies; Preserve her in
+ thy faith, fear, and love; prosper her with long hap-
+ piness here on earth; and crown her with everlasting
+ glory hereafter. _Amen._
+
+ _The following may be said or sung, one Verse by the
+ Priest, another by the Clerk and People._
+
+ Grant the Queen a long life: and make her glad
+ with the joy of thy countenance. _Psalm Ixi. 6._ and
+ xxi. 6.
+
+ _Let her dwell before thee for ever: O prepare thy
+ loving mercy and faithfulness, that they may preserve her._
+ Psalm lxi. 7.
+
+ In her time let the righteous flourish: and let peace
+ be in all our borders. _Psalm Ixxii. 7_. and cxlii. 14.
+
+ _As for her enemies, clothe them with shame: but upon
+ herself let her crown flourish._ Psalm cxxxii. 19.
+
+ _Also this._
+
+ Thou art the God that hast no pleasure in wicked-
+ ness: neither shall any evil dwell with thee. _Psalm
+ v. 4._
+
+ _Thou wilt destroy them that speak leasing: the Lord
+ abhors both the blood-thirsty and deceitful man._ ver: 6.
+
+ O how suddenly do they consume: perish, and
+ come to a fearful end! _Psalm_ lxxiii. 18.
+
+ _Yea, even like as a dream, when one awaketh: so
+ didst thou make their image to vanish out of the city._
+ ver. 19.
+
+ _This Sentence may be read at the Offertory._
+
+{061}
+
+ Whatsoever ye would that men should do to you,
+ do ye even so to them; for this is the law and the
+ Prophets. _St. Matt._ vii. 12.
+
+ _Also may be profitably read these Sentences._
+
+ There is a generation that are pure in their own
+ eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness.
+ _Prov._ xxx. 12.
+
+ Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil;
+ that put darkness for light, and light for darkness;
+ that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! _Isaiah_,
+ v. 20. '
+
+ Woe unto you Scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for
+ ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter.
+ _Matt_, xxiii. 25.
+
+ But your inside is full of ravening and wickedness.
+ _Luke_, xi. 39.
+
+ Woe unto you Scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!
+ for ye are as graves which appear not, and the men
+ that walk over them are not aware of them. _Luke,_
+ xi. 44.
+
+ His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself,
+ and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins.
+ _Prov._ v. 22.
+
+ He shall die without instruction; and in the great-
+ ness of his folly he shall go astray. _Prov_. v. 23.
+
+ The congregation of hypocrites shall be desolate
+ and fire shall consume the tabernacles of bribery.
+ _Job_, xv. 34.
+
+ _After the Prayer_ [For the whole State of Christ's
+ Church, &c.] _this Collect following may be used._
+
+{062}
+
+ ALMIGHTY God and heavenly Father, who, of
+ thine infinite and unspeakable goodness towards
+ us, didst in a most extraordinary and wonderful man-
+ ner disappoint and overthrow the wicked designs of
+ those traitorous, heady, and high-minded men, who,
+ under the pretence of Religion and thy most holy
+ Name, had contrived, and well-nigh effected the utter
+ destruction of thy Servant CAROLINE, our beloved
+ Queen: as we do this day most heartily and devoutly
+ adore and magnify thy glorious Name for this thine
+ infinite goodness already vouchsafed to us; so do we
+ most humbly beseech thee to continue thy grace and
+ favour towards us, that no such dismal calamity may
+ ever again fall upon us. Infatuate and defeat all the
+ secret counsels of deceitful and wicked men against
+ us. Abate their pride, asswage their malice, and
+ confound their devices. With judgment and justice
+ cut off all such workers of iniquity, as turn Religion
+ into Rebellion, and Faith into Faction; that they
+ may never prevail against us, nor triumph in the
+ ruin of the Monarchy. Protect and defend Her Ma-
+ jesty from all treasons and conspiracies. Be unto her
+ an helmet of salvation, and a strong tower of defence
+ against the face of all her enemies; clothe them with
+ shame and confusion, but let Her for ever flourish.
+ So we thy people, and the sheep of thy pasture, will
+ give thee thanks for ever, and will always be shewing
+ forth thy praise from generation to generation.--
+ _Amen._
+
+ _Or there may be sung or said this Hymn following:
+ one Verse by the Priest, and another by the Clerk
+ and people._
+
+ MY song shall be alway of the loving kindness of
+ the Lord: with my mouth will I ever be shew-
+ ing forth his truth from one generation to another.
+ _Psalm_ lxxxix. 1.
+
+{063}
+
+ _The merciful and gracious Lord hath so done his
+ marvellous works: that they ought to be had in remem-
+ brance._ Psalm cxi. 4.
+
+ Who can express the noble acts of the Lord: or
+ shew forth all his praise? _Psalm_ cvi. 2.
+
+ _The works of the Lord are great: sought out of all
+ them that have pleasure therein_. Psalm cxi. 2.
+
+ The Lord setteth up the meek: and bringeth the
+ nngodly down to the ground. _Psalm_ cxlvii. 6.
+
+ _The Lord executeth righteousness and judgment: for
+ all them that are oppressed with wrong._ Psalm ciii. 6.
+
+ _This Collect may likewise be used._
+
+ O ALMIGHTY God, who art a strong tower of
+ defence unto thy servants against the face of
+ their enemies; We yield thee praise and thanksgiving
+ for the wonderful deliverance of these kingdoms from
+ the GREAT CONSPIRACY, and all the Miseries
+ and Oppressions consequent thereupon. We acknow-
+ ledge it thy goodness, that we are not utterly deli-
+ vered over as a prey unto our enemies; beseeching
+ thee still to continue such thy mercy towards us, that
+ all the world may know that thou art our Saviour and
+ mighty deliverer. _Amen._
+
+ _After the Prayer for the King, the Priest may say
+
+ thus._
+
+ Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all
+ the days of thy vanity, which he hath given thee
+ under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is
+ thy portion in _this_ life, and in thy labour which thou
+ takest under the sun. _Eccl_. ix. 9.
+
+ So ought men to love their wives as their own
+ bodies. He that loveth his wife, loveth himself. _Eph._
+ v. 28.
+
+{064}
+ Let every one of you in particular so love his wife
+ even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence
+ her husband. _Eph_. v. 33.
+
+ It hath been said, whoever shall put away his wife,
+ let him give her a writing of divorcement:
+
+ But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away
+ his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth
+ her to commit adultery. _Matt_. v. 31,32.
+
+ _The Collect for God's protection of the Queen against
+ all her enemies._
+
+ MOST gracious God, we most humbly beseech
+ thee to protect thy Servant CAROLINE, our
+ beloved Queen, from all the dangers to which she may
+ be exposed; Hide her from the gathering together
+ of the froward, and from the insurrection of wicked
+ doers; Do thou weaken the hands, blast the designs,
+ and defeat the enterprizes of all her enemies; that no
+ secret conspiracies, nor open violences, may disquiet
+ her; but that, being safely kept under the shadow of
+ thy wing, and supported by thy power, she may tri-
+ umph over all opposition; that so the world may
+ acknowledge thee to be her Defender and mighty.
+ Deliverer in all difficulties and adversities. _Amen._
+
+ _This may also be said._
+
+ LORD God of our salvation, who hast been ex-
+ ceedingly gracious unto this land, and by thy
+ miraculous providence didst deliver us out of our
+ miserable confusion; by restoring to us, and to her
+ own just and undoubted rights, our most gracious
+ Queen CAROLINE, notwithstanding all the power
+ and malice of her enemies; and to the great comfort
+ and joy of our hearts: We are here now before thee,
+ with all due thankfulness, to acknowledge thine un-
+ speakable goodness herein, and to offer unto thee our"
+ sacrifice of praise for the same; we beseech thee to
+ bless the Queen with all increase of grace, honour
+ and happiness, in this world, and to crown her with
+ immortality and glory in the world to come. _Amen_.
+
+{065}
+
+ _Versicles._
+
+ As snow in summer, and as rain in harvest, so ho-
+ nour is not seemly for a fool. _Prov._ xxvi. 1.
+
+ The wicked are like the troubled sea, when it can-
+ not rest, whose waters cast up mire and dirt. _Isa_. lvii.
+ 29.
+
+ Take away the wicked from before the king, and
+ his throne shall be established in righteousness. _Prov._-
+ xxv. 5.
+
+ When it goeth well with the righteous, the city
+ rejoiceth: and when the wicked perish, there is
+ shouting. _Prov_. xi. 10.
+
+ A false witness shall not be unpunished, and he
+ that speaketh lies shall not escape. _Prov_. ix. 5.
+
+ Great men are not always wise: neither do the
+ aged understand judgment. _Job_, xxxii. 9.
+
+ For the transgression of a land, many are the princes
+ thereof: but by a man of understanding and know-
+ ledge, the state thereof shall be prolonged. _Prov._
+ xxviii. 2.
+
+ As a roaring lion, and a ranging bear; so is a
+ wicked ruler over the poor people. _Prov._ xxviii. 15.
+
+ Better is a poor and a wise child than an old and
+ foolish king, who will no more be admonished. _Eccl_.
+ iv. 13.
+
+ His bones are full of the sins of his youth, which
+ shall lie down with him in the dust. _Job_, xx. 11.
+
+ Be wise now therefore O ye kings; be instructed
+ ye judges of the earth. _Psalm_ ii. 10.
+
+{066}
+
+ PSALMS FROM THE NEW VERSION,
+
+ By N. BRADY, D. D. and N. TATE, Esq.
+
+[Illustration: 074]
+
+[Illustration: 075]
+
+[Illustration: 076]
+
+ I. (Psalm 6.)
+
+{068}
+
+ Reader,
+
+ It _seemeth meet to acquaint thee that the foregoing
+ Form of Prayer with Thanksgiving to be used Daily for
+ Her Majesty, hath been wholly compiled from Scripture,
+ and from certain Services and Forms appointed in the_
+ Book of Common Prayer: viz. _The Services for
+ Morning and Evening Prayer; the Form for the Day
+ of the Martyrdom of the blessed King Charles I.; the
+ Form for the Restoration of His most religions and
+ gracious Son, King Charles II.; and the Form for the
+ Day whereon the_ Church as by Law established _annually
+ celebrates the overthrow of the_ Tyranny _exercised by
+ His Most Sacred Majesty_ King James II. _and the
+ success of the Glorious Principles whereby His said
+ Majesty was providentially dethroned} and the_ Revolution
+ of 1688 _happily effected._
+
+ Farewell.
+
+ Printed by William Hose,
+ 45, Lndgate Hill.
+
+{069}
+
+[Illustration: 077]
+
+"NON MI RICORDO!"
+
+&C. &c. &c.
+
+LONDON:
+
+PRINTED BY AND FOR WILLIAM HONE, LUDGATE HllL
+
+1820.
+
+SIXPENCE.
+
+[Illustration: 078]
+
+ ==>LOST, {070}at the Court Martial, Signor MY JOKEY'S
+MEMORY, together with his Government Victualling Bill; both a little
+damaged, and of no use but to the owner. Whoever will bring them to the
+Publisher, in time to be restored to the Signor's disconsolate Mother,
+Mrs. _Leech_, shall be rewarded with a "_Non mi ricordo!"_
+
+"NON MI RICORDO!"
+
+CROSS EXAMINED BY MR. BESOM.
+
+WHO {071}are you? Non mi ricordo.
+
+What countryman are you?--a foreigner or an englishman? Non mi
+ricordo.
+
+Do you _understand_ English? No not at all.
+
+Will the Oath you have taken _bind_ you to speak the truth, or do you
+know of any other Oath _more_ binding?
+
+The Turnstile General objected to the ques-tion; upon which a
+discussion arose as to the nature of the Oath likely to bind the
+Witness, who ap-peared to be playing with a thread. The Witness was
+accordingly asked, by way of illustration, to what degree he thought
+the thread was _binding_, and whether he knew of any thing else _more_
+binding?
+
+The Lord Precedent Furthermore said, if the Witness believed the thread
+he held was _binding_, that was sufficient.
+
+The Lord Precedents opinion gave rise to a long discussion as to whether
+_more_ binding was _binding_, and binding was _more_ binding; which
+ended in a reference to the Erminians, who delivered the following
+solemn opinion:--If the Witness shall answer that he thinks the bit of
+thread is _binding_, there is no doubt it _is_ binding; but he cannot
+be asked if a cord is _more_ binding, because he in fact says {072}that
+the thread itself is _binding_. If the Witness twists the thread round
+his little finger he is so far bound by it, and it is _binding_; and
+having done that, it is unnecessary to inquire whether a cord, round
+another part of his body, would be _more_ binding.
+
+_Question over-ruled._
+
+CROSS EXAMINATION RESUMED.
+
+You are a master tailor, I think? I was cut out for a tailor.
+
+You have been a tailor, then? I only follow tailoring as a mere
+amusement.
+
+Fond of _Goose_ I suppose--but pray Mr. Mere-amusement what is your
+business? I was brought up a _Cabinet_ maker.
+
+What can you get at it?--are you a good hand? I can't say I am; I'm
+badly off; my _tools_ are worn out.
+
+What is your place of residence?
+
+(_Order Order_).
+
+The Turnstile General protested against the consequences of this mode of
+Examination.
+
+Lord Juryman--Why does not the Interpreter give the Witness's Answer.
+
+The Lord Precedent Furthermore--Because the Bench objects to the
+question.
+
+Lord MUDDLEPOOL--Does the Turnstile General object to the question.
+
+The Turnstile General. I do object to it, my Lord. This is perhaps the
+most important question that ever occurred. By this dealing out, the
+party is placed in such a situation as he never was placed in before.
+
+Mr. {073}Besom--I ask him where he now lives, and the Turnstile General
+objects to this, because I do not put all the questions I might put, in
+a single breath.
+
+The Lord Precedent Furthermore--I feel great difficulty--I doubt..
+
+Lord Wheelbarrow thought there was a _great_ deal in what the noble Lord
+had said; and _he_ doubted.
+
+CROSS EXAMINATION RESUMED.
+
+How much money has been expended on you since you were born? Non mi
+ricordo.
+
+What have you done for it in return? More less than more.
+
+How do you get your living? I was waiter for some years at the Hotel
+_de Grand Bretagne_, and succeeded my father as head waiter at the
+_Crown_ Inn.
+
+What wages have you? Non mi ricordo.
+
+Have you any perquisites? _Veils_.
+
+Are you _head waiter_, or by what other name than head waiter you may be
+called, at the Crown Inn?
+
+I am after building a new place called the _Wellington Arms_, and trying
+to be _Barrack-master_; if I dont gain the _Trial_ I shall be glad to
+remain at the old _Crown_.
+
+This answer appeared to excite considerable sensation,
+
+The Twister General thought the meaning was,
+
+'if I do n't gain what I attempt to gain.'
+
+[The Short-hand writer was desired to read the answer, and the word
+_Trial_ was retained as the correct translation.]
+
+I {074}do not ask what you are to be hereafter, but whether you are
+_still_ head waiter at the Crown?
+
+The head waiter is dismissed occasionally.
+
+Are you married? More yes than no.
+
+Do you live with your own wife? No.
+
+Is she in this country? Yes.
+
+Why did you marry? To pay my debts.
+
+Then why did you part? Because my debts were paid.
+
+Were you not up to the eyes in debt? Si Signor.
+
+Are you not bound to manifest some gratitude towards those who have paid
+your debts?
+
+The Interpreter said the witness was a mere _fanfaron_, and that he
+found it difficult, if not impossible, to explain to the witness's
+understanding what was meant by _gratitude_.
+
+Cross Examination resumed.
+
+Did not you write to your wife a licentious letter, called a letter of
+license?--(_Order, order._)
+
+I ask you again the cause of your separation?
+
+She left me.
+
+On what account? I did not like her, and I told her I'd have nothing to
+do with _her_ any more.
+
+After that what did you do? Oh, I rambled about.
+
+Where did you go? To Jersey and elsewhere.
+
+Well, Sir, go on. Non mi ricordo.
+
+Do you mean to say that you never went to Manchester Square? More yes
+than no.
+
+Were you in the house on the footing of a private friend? No, not as a
+friend.
+
+You {075}mentioned your father just now:--you did not go in your
+father's _cart_, I presume; in what sort of carriage did you go? In
+the old yellow chariot.
+
+How long did it take you to travel from Manchester Square to Richmond?
+Non mi ricordo.
+
+How many other places did you go to? Non mi ricordo.
+
+Is the Marquis of C. a married man?
+
+(_Order. Order._)
+
+After you parted from your wife, on what terms did you live? I've been
+_trying_ to get rid of her.
+
+Do you know what Matthew says (c. v. v. 32.)?
+
+Matthew? Matthew? (_trying to recollect_)--what Matthew?--he's no
+friend of mine.
+
+In what light do you consider your oath at the marriage ceremony? A
+ceremony.
+
+If your marriage oath has not bound you, can you expect people to
+believe you if ever you should take a solemn public oath? More yes than
+no.
+
+By the Roman law, a divorce was granted for Drunkenness, Adultery, and
+_False Keys_: what is your opinion of that law?
+
+The Twister General said, that it was contrary to common sense to ask
+the witness's opinion about any _Law_.
+
+How many Wives does _your_ Church allow you? Non mi ricordo.
+
+How many have you had since you separated from your own? Non mi
+ricordo.
+
+Are you a Member of the Society for the Suppression of Vice? Yes (_with
+great energy_).
+
+The Cross-examining Counsel said that the Interpreter had materially
+altered the sense of the last question; {076}he had in fact asked, if
+the Witness was Member of the Society for the suppression of _Wives, (a
+loud laugh)_ which Witness had eagerly answered in the affirmative.
+
+The Witness's answer was expunged, and on the question being repeated
+correctly, he answered that he was told it was his duty to encourage the
+_Vice_ Society, because it professed to diminish the influence of bad
+example.
+
+Have they ever prosecuted you? Me!--(_with astonishment_)--they like
+_me_ too well!
+
+What do you mean then by Suppression--is your Soeiety to prevent little
+vice from being committed, or great vice from being found out?
+
+More Yes than No.
+
+It was here moved by Lord Le Cuisinier, that 4 o'Clock, the hour of
+dinner, was arrived.
+
+Another, in a maiden Speeeh, said, that during his long silence in that
+Court he had had leisure to observe, that 4 o'Clock in the _morning_ was
+a more usual hour of adjournment.
+
+Another considered that Lord Le Cuisinier's suggestion ought not to be
+entertained for a moment. We only exist in our formalities. If we suffer
+ourselves to be put a stop to by the motion, we may find that we are
+travelling round again into the obsolete usages of our early ancestors;
+which will be to describe a circle that must be generally considered
+as nothing less than a revolution! I therefore deprecate the least
+innovation, and move, as an amendment, that 4 o'Clock is _not_ arrived.
+
+The {077}Master General of the _Black_ Barracks at Exeter, rose without
+his wig, and declaring, upon the memory of his whiskers, that he had
+just heard it strike 4, he enquired whether the Clock was in _Order.
+(Loud and continued cries of hear hear.)_
+
+The Home DOCTOR felt his pulse alarmingly quicken one and a fraction in
+the minute, and nervously said, that the clock was clearly guilty of a
+barefaced libel and ought to be instantly held to bail for breach of the
+peace. The simultaneous action of all the Clocks throughout the nation
+and their open communication by circulars, was an index to the existence
+of an organized correspondence and a systematic affiliation. He trembled
+at the positive intelligence he had received, that millions at that
+moment held their hands in an attitude ready to strike; but it was the
+proudest day of his life that he had so far succeeded by a _circular_
+movement of his own, as to enable his workmen to hold them to the peace
+for an hour together.
+
+Lord Bathos assured the Black-Barrack Master-General that the Clock
+_was_ out of Order, and he congratulated the Home Doctor on his
+efficiency; but he thought they had not sunk low enough into the
+subject; for he had strong doubts whether the striking might not be
+construed into an overt act of High Treason, and if he saw any
+probability of being supported he should conclude with a substantive
+motion. Did not the Lord Precedent remember a Clock Case, in which,
+immediately after the chain had been locked up, a principal link
+suddenly disappeared? and whether, after the most minute inquiry, there
+was not every reason to believe from the best information that could be
+obtained at that time, {078}that that link had been _prigged? (Hear
+hear.)_ Take even the very last Clock Case, where the chain was kept
+together with the greatest pains, and the utmost care. If the smallest
+link in that chain had been _prigged_, it would have been fatal to the
+works, and yet in that very case, two days after the chain was locked
+up, a link was obtained, which, if sooner discovered, would have
+lengthened the chain to the necessary extent, and brought home in the
+most conclusive manner the guilt of the Clock. He therefore moved that
+the Clock be examined, and the chain kept in their own custody, with
+liberty to add to the number of links.
+
+Lord Ratstail with his usual animation seconded the Motion.
+
+Marquiz Boudoir moved as an Amendment, that the Clock being in contempt,
+the _Black stick_ be ordered to _walk him_ in to-morrow. Seconded.
+
+Upon this Amendment the following Amendment was moved and seconded, that
+the word 'to-morrow' be expunged, and the word 'yesterday' be inserted
+in its place. _Ordered._
+
+Cross Examination resumed.
+
+Does the Witness recollect whether he was at B--------? Non mi ricordo.
+
+Who usually closed the Pavilion? I did.
+
+Was it so close as to exclude any person outside from seeing what passed
+within, or was it partially open? It was quite closed--When I could not
+close it with C**** entirely, I did it with other pieces.
+
+What do you mean by saying with other pieces?
+
+I mean with other pieces of the same quality.
+
+Symptoms {079}of impatience were now expressed, with loud cries of
+_Withdraw, withdraw._
+
+Do you remember any thing particular occurring one night? No.
+
+Do you not recollect whether a new wing was added during the time you
+and your mistress were absent? Non mi ricordo.
+
+Do you know a certain Colonel Q.? Yes, he has _too_ little mustachios.
+
+Are you a sober man? More no than yes.
+
+How many bottles a day do you drink. Non mi ricordo.
+
+Do you drink six bottles? Non mi ricordo.
+
+Five bottles? Non mi ricordo.
+
+How many nights in the week do you go to bed sober? Non mi ricordo.
+
+Are you sober now? More no than yes.
+
+Where do you spend your mornings? AtbCuracao.
+
+Where do you spend your evenings? At the _Cat and Fiddle._
+
+What is your favorite dish? Trifle.
+
+What is your favorite game? _Bag-at-L----_
+
+What is your favorite amusement? The C.
+
+After Dressing, Drinking, and Dreaming, what time remains for thinking?
+Non mi ricordo.
+
+I hold in my hand a list of immense sums of money that have been
+advanced to you, how much have you left? None.
+
+Well, but you have something to show for it? No.
+
+How do you live? I have a _doll_-shop, and a large stable in the
+country, and some _cow_-houses in different parts.
+
+Are {080}not your favourite friends _horn_-boys and flashmen?--_(Order, order.)_
+
+Can you produce a certificate of good character from those who _know_
+you? Yes, from the _minister._
+
+Pho! plio! do n't trifle; can you from any _respectable_ person?
+More no than yes.
+
+I understand you have the _scarlet_ fever, do you not know that it ends
+here in a _putrid_ fever? Non mi ricordo.
+
+You have many companions and advisers, but have you to your knowledge
+one _real_ friend in the world; and if not, why not? Non mi ricordo.
+
+By what acts of your life do you expect you will be remembered hereafter
+? I shall not answer you any more questions; you put questions to me I never dreamt of.
+
+Suppose every man in society were to do as you do, what would become
+of society; and what right have you to do so, more than any other man
+?--_(Witness greatly agitated?)_
+
+The Witness from the _Grillery_ asked whether the _Cross_ Examination
+was nearly concluded? _(Cries of Keep on!)_--Supposing that the
+business would close to day at 4 o'clock, he had made a private
+_assignation,_ although he was quite ready to _stop_ if necessary.
+
+The Lord Precedent Furthermore was in favour of adhering to a square
+rule; he had not entered the Court till five seconds past ten by his
+_stop_-watch, {081}in consequence of consulting with his Wife upon
+a motion-of-course which they had contemplated; and their further
+deliberation had been postponed until after the adjournment to-day. It
+was impossible to know what questions might turnout to be doubtful or
+doubtless; yet adjourning at Five o'Clock would gain a delay of six
+hours in the Week, and the _gaining of any thing_ he considered very
+material in the present case.
+
+An Adjournment then took place, the Witness remaining on
+
+THE GRILLERY.
+
+[Illustration: 089]
+
+
+
+
+ADVERTISEMENTS EXTRAORDINARY
+
+
+CONSPIRACY.
+
+WHEREAS {082}a most abominable GANG, have caused to be published and
+promulgated throughout the Nation a description of the infirmities and
+necessities of our nature, of which decorum forbids the mention; and
+also gross and inflaming allusions to the intercourse between the sexes,
+and wanton and shocking exposures relating thereto; to the destruction
+of youthful innocence, to the shame and disgust of matron modesty, and
+to the horror of all heads of families: it is therefore proposed to
+call an immediate MEETING, for the purpose of considering the best
+mode of preventing an increase of this dreadful contamination, and of
+securing the ringleaders of the Conspiracy, and bringing them to condign
+punishment.
+
+NEW VICTUALLING OFFICE.
+
+TO CONTRACTORS.--Persons willing to supply this Establishment with
+CAST-IRON REPEATERS, having duplex Movements, according to the Working
+Models now in use as above, may send in Sealed Tenders, stating the
+number they can instantly supply for immediate use, and the price
+thereof at per hundred.
+
+TO NACKERMEN.
+
+THE old Hackney, Liverpool, who lately lost his paces, is _glandered,_
+gone blind, got cruel vicious, tried to kick his mistress's brains
+out, shattered himself to nothing, and is expected to go down with the
+staggers. Any body who thinks it worth while to send a _drag_ to the
+Stable yard may have him for fetching.
+
+TO MANGLERS--JUST LEAVING HIS PLACE.
+
+A STOUT ABLE-BODIED IRISHMAN, for a long time a master hand at mangling;
+when he begins there is no stopping him, and never tires. Can fold
+and smooth, and double and iron, all day. Will turn with any body. Was
+formerly a master in Dublin, where his mangling will never be forgotten.
+His Character may be had of any body there. Is very smooth spoken, of
+good address, looks like an upper Valet, and is a perfect devil at his
+Work. May be heard of at the Triangle in the Bird-cage Walk.
+
+TO LAUNDRESSES, WANTS A PLACE.
+
+AN old Woman accustomed to coarse things; and work, however filthy,
+never comes amiss. Where she is now they find her in _ruin_, and she
+finds dishclouts; but is leaving, being almost poisoned by printers'
+ink. To save trouble, will have nothing to do with cleaning the House.
+Is used to ironing, and putting by, in any quantities, and never tires
+at hanging up. Can have an undeniable Character from the Rev. Mr. Hay,
+and the Recorder of London.
+
+STRAYED AND MISSING.
+
+IN {083}Infirm Elderly Gentleman in a Public Office, lately left his
+home, just after dreadfully ill-using his wife about half a Crown, and
+trying to beat her. He had long complained a great deal of his forehead,
+and lately had a leech put upon him. He was last seen walking swiftly
+towards the Horns without a Crown to his hat, accompanied by some
+evil disposed persons, who tied a great green bag to his tail full of
+crackers, which he mistook for sweetmeats, and burnt himself dreadfully.
+Every person he met in this deplorable condition tried to persuade him
+to go back, but in vain. He is very deaf and very obstinate, and cannot
+bear to be looked at or spoken to. It is supposed that he has been
+seduced and carried off by some artful female. He may be easily known by
+his manners. He fancies himself the politest man in Europe, because he
+knows how to bow, and to offer a pinch of snuff; and thinks himself the
+greatest man in Europe, because people have humoured him and let him
+have his own way. He is so fond of tailoring, that he lately began a
+suit that will take him his life to complete. He delights in playing at
+soldiers, supposes himself a cavalry officer, and makes speeches, that
+others write for him, in a field marshal's uniform. Sometimes he fancies
+himself 'Glorious Apollo,' plays;Hailstones of Brunswick' on the base
+fiddle, and qualifies his frieuds to perform 'Cuckolds all on a row.'
+His concerns are very much deranged. Not long ago he imported a vast
+quantity of Italian images at enormous prices, upon credit, and hoarded
+them up in a waterside cotton warehouse. Since then, things have gone
+all against him, and he has been in a very desponding state. It is of
+the utmost consequence to himself that he should be at his post, or he
+may lose his place; one of his predecessors some time ago having
+been cashiered for his misconduct. If this should meet his eye, it is
+earnestly requested that he will return to his duty, and he will be
+kindly received and no questions asked.
+
+N. B. He has not a friend in the world except the advertiser and a few
+others, who never had an opportunity of speaking to him and letting him
+know the real state of his affairs.
+
+PUBLIC OFFICE, LUDGATE HILL.
+
+1st September, 1820. "WHEREAS {084}that well known old established
+Public House, (formerly a _free_ house) called the Political House that Jack built, has been
+feloniously entered into and damaged, and the property therein carried
+off to a large amount, by a numerous gang of desperate Villains, who,
+by various vile arts and contrivances, have not only kept possession
+thereof, but also of the Head Waiter, who was intrusted by Mr. Bull,
+the owner, with the management of the concern, and was a very promising
+young man when Mr. Bull first knew him, and might have done very well
+if he had followed the advice of his old friends, and not suffered these
+desperadoes to get him into their clutches; since when he seems to have
+forgotten himself, and by neglecting his duty sadly, and behaving ill to
+the customers who support the House, has almost ruined the Business,
+and has also dreadfully injured the Sign, which Mr. Bull had had fresh
+painted after he dismissed a former waiter for his bad manners. Whoever
+will assist Mr. Bull in bringing the offenders to Justice, will be doing
+a great service to the young man, and he will still be retained in his
+situation, unless he has actually destroyed or made away with the Sign,
+which Mr. Bull very much admires, it being a _heir-loom_. If offered to
+be pawned or sold it is requested the parties may be stopped, and notice
+given as above. As the young man has not been seen for some time, there
+is no doubt the ruffians have either done him a serious mischief, or
+secreted him somewhere to prevent Mr. Bull, who is really his friend,
+from speaking to him.
+
+[Illustration: 092]
+
+"What are you at? what are you after?"
+
+The End.
+
+THE POLITICAL SHOWMAN-AT HOME!
+
+[Illustration: 093]
+
+{085}
+
+EXHIBITING HIS CABINET OF CURIOSITIES AND CREATURES--ALL ALIVE!
+
+By The Author Of The Political House That Jack Built.
+
+With Twenty-Four Cuts.
+
+[Illustration: 093]
+
+"The putrid and mouldering carcase of exploded Legitimacy."
+
+LONDON:
+
+PRINTED FOR WILLIAM HONE, 45, LUDGATE-HILL.
+
+1821.
+
+ONE SHILLING.
+
+[Ilustration: 095]
+
+THE SHOWMAN.
+
+Ladies {087}and Gentlemen,
+
+Walk up! walk up! and see the Curiosities and Creatures--all {088}alive!
+alive O! Walk up I--now's your time!--only a shilling. Please to
+walk up!
+
+Here is the strangest and most wonderful artificial Cabinet in
+Europe!--made of nothing--but lacker'd brass, turnery, and papier
+mache--all fret work and varnish, held together by steel points!--very
+crazy, but very curious!
+
+Please to walk in, Ladies and Gentlemen--it's well worth seeing! here
+are the most wonderful of all wonderful Living Animals. 'Jake care!
+Don't go within their reach-they mind nobody but me! A short time ago
+they got loose, and, with some other vermin that came from their holes
+and corners, desperately attacked a Lady of Quality; but, as luck would
+have it, I, and my (four and twenty men,' happened to come in at the
+very moment;--we 'pull'd' away, and prevented'em from doing her a
+serious mischief. Though they look tame, their vicious dispositions
+are unchanged. If any thing was to happen to me, they'd soon break out
+again, and shew their natural ferocity, i'm in continual danger from'em
+myself--for if I didn't watch'em closely they'd destroy me. As the clown
+says, 'there never was such times,'--so there's no telling what tricks
+they may play yet.
+
+Ladies and Gentlemen,--these animals have been exhibited at Court,
+before the King, and all the Royal Family! Indeed His Majesty is so
+fond of'em that he often sees'em in private, and feeds'em; and he is
+so diverted by'em that he has been pleased to express his gracious
+approbation of all their motions. But they're as cunning as the old one
+himself! Bless you, he does not know a thousandth part of their tricks.
+You, Ladies and Gentlemen, may see'em just as they are!--the Beasts and
+Reptiles--all alive! alive O! and the Big Boo by--all a-light! a-light
+O!
+
+Walk in, Ladies and Gentlemen! walk in! just a-going to
+begin.--Stir'em up! Stir'em up there with the long pole!
+
+Before I describe the Animals, please to look at the Show-Cloth
+opposite:
+
+The Curiosities have labels under them, which the company can read.
+
+[Illustration: 097]
+
+{089}
+
+THE TRANSPARENCY, of which this is a copy, was exhibited by WILLIAM HONE
+duriNg the ILLUMINATION commencing on the 11th, and ending on the 15th
+of November, 1820,in celebration of the VICTORY obtained by ThE PRESS,
+or the LIBERTIES OF THE PEOPLE, which had been assailed in the Person
+of The Queen: The words "TRIUMPH OF THE PRESS," being displayed in
+variegated lamps as a motto above it. On the 26th, when The Queen went
+10 St. Paul's, it was again exhibited with Lord Bacon's immortal words,
+"KNOWLEDGE IS POWER," displayed in like manner.--'The Transparency was
+painted by Mr. GEORGE CRUIKSHANK.
+
+ --COURT VERMIN that buzz round
+
+ And fly-blow the King's ear; make him suspect
+ His wisest, faithfullest, best counsellors--
+
+ Who, for themselves and their dependants, seize
+ All places, and all profits; and -who wrest,
+
+ To their own ends, the statutes of the land,
+ Or safely break them.
+
+ Southey's Joan of Arc.
+
+DIALOGES OF CREATURES MORALYSED.
+
+PROLOGE.
+
+ To exalt virtue, expose vice, promote truth, and help men to
+ serious reflection, is my first moving cause and last
+ directed.
+ De Foe's Review, Preface.
+
+ ----Oh that I dared
+
+ To basket up the family of plagues
+ That waste our vitals; peculation, sale
+ Of honour, peijury, corruptiou, frauds
+ By forgery, by subterfuge of law,
+
+ By tricks and lies---
+
+ Then cast them, closely bundled, every brat
+
+ At the right door!
+ Cowper.
+
+"JUGLATOR REGIS." Strutt's Sports
+
+ ---a most officious Drudge,
+
+ His face and gown drawn out with the same budge,
+
+ His pendant Pouch, which is both large and wide,
+
+ Looks like a Letters-patent:------
+
+ He is as avful, as he had been sent
+
+ From Moses with the eleventh commandement.
+
+ Corbet's Poems, 1672, p. 3.
+
+[Illustration: 100]
+
+{092}
+
+BAGS.--_(a Scruple Balance.)_
+
+ -----'tis the veriest madness, to live poor,
+ And die with _Bags_----
+
+ Gifford's Juvenal, Sat. xiv.
+
+ Dubius is such a _scrupulous_ good man.--
+ Yes--you may catch him tripping, if you can!
+ He would not, with a peremptory tone,
+ Assert the nose upon his face his own.
+ With hesitation, admirably slow,
+ He humbly hopes--presumes--it may be so.
+ Through constant dread of giving truth offence,
+ He ties up all his hearers in suspense!
+ His sole opinion, whatsoe'er befall,
+ Cent'ring, at last, in having--none at all.
+
+ Cowper.
+
+Well! he is a _nimble_ gentleman; set him upon Bankes, his horse, in a
+saddle rampant, and it is a great question, which part of the Centaur
+shews better tricks.
+
+{093}
+
+[Illustration: 101]
+
+A CROCODILE.
+
+Ladies and Gentlemen,
+
+I begin the Exhibition with the Crocodile, which is of the Lizard tribe
+; yet, from his _facility of creeping through narrow and intricate
+ways,_ he has been classed among Serpents. * He has a monstrous
+appetite, his _swallow_ is immense, and his legs are placed _side_-ways.
+It is a vulgar error to suppose that he cannot _turn_; for, although
+he is in appearance very heavy, and his back is very strong, and proof
+against the hardest blows, yet he is so _pliable_, that he can _wheel_
+round with the utmost facility. When in his haunt, and apparently
+torpid, he sometimes utters a piteous _whine_ of distress--almost human;
+_sheds tears_, and, attracting the unwary, suddenly darts upon a man,
+and gorges him with all he has. His _claws_ are very long and tenacious.
+If a victim eludes his grasp, he infallibly secures him by his fleet
+power. He is sometimes used for purposes of _state and show_, and his
+bags are much coveted for their _peculiar_ qualities. **
+
+ * By Linnaeus.
+
+ ** Goldsmith's Animated Nature, v. 283.
+
+{094}
+
+[Illustration: 102]
+
+A MASK.--(an Incrustation--a Relique.)
+
+ A shallow brain behind a serious mask,
+ An oracle within an empty cask,
+ A solemn fop.--
+ --A sooty Film.
+ Cowper.
+
+ ----------The Thing on Earth
+ Least qualified in honour, learning, worth,
+ To occupy a sacred, awful post,
+ In which the best and worthiest tremble most.
+ The royal letters are a thing of course,
+ A King, that would, might recommend his horse;
+ And deans, no doubt, and chapters, with one voice,
+ As bound in duty, would confirm the choice.
+
+ ****
+
+ A piece of mere Church-furniture at best.
+
+{097}
+
+[Illustration: 105]
+
+THE LOCUST.
+
+Ladies and Gentlemen,
+
+The Locust is a destructive insect, of the Grillus tribe. They are
+so numerous, and so rapacious, that they may be compared to an army,
+pursuing its march to devour the fruits of the earth, as an instrument
+of _divine displeasure_ towards a devoted country. They have leaders,
+who direct their motions in preying on the labours of man _in fertile
+regions_. No insect is more formidable in places where they breed: for
+they _wither_ whatever they _touch_. It is impossible to recount the
+_terrible devastations_ which historians and travellers relate that they
+have committed at different times, in various parts of the world. Many
+are so _venomous_, that persons _handling_ them are immediately stung,
+and seized with shivering and trembling; but it has been discovered
+that, in most cases, their hateful qualities are completely assuaged by
+_palm_ oil.*
+
+* Goldsmith, vi. 21.
+
+{096}
+
+[Illustration: 104]
+
+A SCORPION.
+
+Ladies and Gentlemen,
+
+The Scorpion is a reptile that resembles the _common lobster_, but is
+much more hideous. They are very terrible to mankind, on account of
+their size and malignity, and their large _crooked stings_. They often
+assault and kill people in their houses. In Italy, and some other parts
+of Europe, they are the greatest pests of mankind; but their venom is
+most dreadful in the _East_. An inferior species sally forth at certain
+seasons, in battalions;--scale houses that stand in the way of their
+march;--wind along the course of rivers;--and on their retreat entrench
+themselves. Scorpions are so irascible, that they will attempt to sting
+a _constable's staff_; yet even a harmless little mouse * destroyed
+three of them, _one after the other_, by acting on the _defensive_,
+survived their venomous wounds, and seemed pleased with its victory.
+When in a confined space, they exert all their rage against each other,
+and there is nothing to be seen but universal carnage. If this mutual
+destruction did not prevail, they would multiply so fast as to render
+some countries uninhabitable. **
+
+ * Confined for the sake of experiment in a vessel, by
+ Maupertuis.
+
+ ** Goldsmith, v. 428.
+
+{097}
+
+ THE LOBSTER.
+
+ ----they preferre
+ Broiles before Rest, and place their Peace in Warre.
+
+ Du Bartas
+
+Ladies and Gentlemen,
+
+The Lobster is very similar to the scorpion. It is _armed_ with _two_
+great _claws_, by the help of which it moves itself _forwards_. They
+_entrench_ themselves in places that can be easily defended, where they
+acquire defensive and offensive _armour_. They issue forth from their
+_fortresses_ in hope of _plunder_, and to surprise such inadvertent and
+weak animals as come within their reach. They have little to apprehend
+except from each other, the more powerful being formidable enemies to
+the weaker. They sometimes continue in the same habitations for a long
+time together; in general they get _new coats once a year_. When in
+_hot water_ they make a great noise, attack any one that puts a hand
+towards them, and knowing their danger, use violent efforts to escape.
+In a sufficient heat they _change their colours_.*
+
+ * Goldsmith, v. 163.
+
+[Illustration: 105]
+
+{098}
+
+[Illustration: 106]
+
+A PRIME CRUTCH.--
+
+(From the Westminster Infirmary--Upper Ward).
+
+ He fondly 'imitates' that wondrous Lad,
+ That durst assay the sun's bright flaming team;
+ Spite of whose feeble hands, the horses mad
+ Fling down on burning earth the scorching beam;--
+ So made _the flame in which himself wasfired_;
+ The World the bonfire was--_when_ he _expired!_*
+ Like him of Ephesus, he had what he desired.
+
+ Fletcher's Purple Island.
+
+ * The 'Lad' died in the midst of war, ejaculating heaven to
+ save the country from the miseries of his system of misrule.
+
+{099}
+
+[Illustration: 107]
+
+THE OPOSSUM.
+
+Ladies and Gentlemen,
+
+This is a _quick climbing_ animal; but is, in other respects, _heavy_
+and helpless. When it is pursued on _level ground_ and overtaken, it
+feigns itself dead, to deceive the hunters. A faculty in its _seat_,
+enables it to suspend itself from a high branch, by that part, for a
+long time together; and, in this position, watching for whatever is weak
+that comes within its reach, it falls upon it and usually destroys it.
+By this elevating power in its _nether end_, it not only seizes its prey
+more securely, but preserves itself from pursuers: looking down on them,
+in a sort of _upright_ position, heels upwards. It is very domesticated,
+but proves a disagreeable inmate, from its _scent_; which, however
+fragrant in _small_ quantities, is uniformly ungrateful when _copiously_
+supplied. _It is a boroughing creature_. *
+
+ * Goldsmith, iii. 322 Stedman Shaw's Zoology
+
+{100}
+
+[Illustration: 108]
+
+ ----Knaves, who, in truth's despite,
+ Can white to black transform, and black to white!
+
+ Gifford's Juvenal, Sat. iii.
+
+When they were fewer, men might have had a Lordship safely conveyed to
+them in a piece of parchment no bigger than your hand, though several
+sheets will not do it safely in this wiser age.--Walton's Angler
+
+They'll argue as confidently as if they spoke gospel instead of law;
+they'll cite you six hundred several Precedents, though not one of
+them come near to the case in hand; they'll muster up the authority of
+Judgments, Deeds, Glosses, and Reports, and tumble over so many dusty
+Records, that they make their employ, though in itself easy, the
+greatest slavery imaginable; always accounting that the best plea which
+they have took most pains for.--Erasmus of Folly, 96.
+
+In other countries, they make laws upon laws and add precepts upon
+precepts, till the endless number of them makes the fundamental part
+to be forgotten; leaving nothing but a confused heap of explanations,
+which may cause ignorant people to doubt whether there is really any
+thin" meant by the laws or not.--Berkeley's Gaudentio di Lucca, 166.
+
+In the country of the Furr'd Law-cats, they gripe all, devour all,
+cooskite all, burn all, draw all, hang all, quarter all, behead all,
+murder all, imprison all, waste all, and ruin all, without the least
+notice of right or wrong: for among them vice is called virtue;
+wickedness, piety; treason, loyalty; robbery, justice: Plunder is
+their motto; and all this they do, because they dare. Gripe-men-all,
+the Chief of the Purr'd Law-cats, said to Pantagruel 'Our Laws are
+like cobwebs; your silly little flies are stopt, caught, and destroy'd
+therein, but your stronger ones Break them, and force and carry them
+which way they please. Don't think we are so mad as to set up our nets
+tc snap up your great Robbers aod tyrants: no, they are somewhat too
+hard for us, there's no meddllng with them; for they will make no more
+of us, than we make of the little ones.'-- Rabelais, b. v. c. xi. xii.
+
+{101}
+
+BLACK RATS.--(Stuffed.)
+
+Ladies and Gentlemen,
+
+These are most pernicious animals. They borough, and prey on our food,
+drink, clothing, furniture, live-stock, and every convenience of life;
+furnishing their residences with the plunder of our property. They have
+particular haunts, to which they entice each other in large numbers,
+for the sake of _prey_; where they often do incredible damage to our
+_mounds_, and undermine the strongest _embankments_. Sometimes they
+hoard their plunder in _nests_, that they make at a distance from their
+usual _places of congregating. * They are very bold and fierce. Instead
+of waiting for an attack, they usually become the aggressors, and,
+_seizing their adversaries by the lips_, inflict dangerous, and even
+deadly wounds. While they subsist on our industry, and increase our
+terrors, they make no grateful returns, and, therefore, mankind have
+studied various ways for diminishing their numbers; but their _cunning_
+discovers the most distant danger, and if any are disturbed or attacked,
+in an unusual manner, the rest take the alarm, and, becoming exceedingly
+shy, and wary, elude the most ingenious devices of their pursuers. When,
+unhappily, you come in contact with one of these _vermin_, the best way
+of dispatching it is by a single squeeze; but novices who hesitate,
+are sure to prove sufferers. They have been found on a bench, so
+_interwoven_ by their tails, that _by reason of their entanglement, they
+could not part. ** A dead rat, _by altering the look of his head and
+the appearance of his skin_, may be transformed into the appearance of
+a much more _powerful_ animal; and this, Ladies and Gentlemen, _has been
+considered a master piece in cheating._***
+
+ * White's Selborne, 4to. 75.
+
+ ** Letters from Bodleian Library, i. 12.
+
+ *** Ibid.ii. 160, note. See also Goldsmith, iii. 169.
+
+{102}
+
+[Illustration: 110]
+
+A CADGE ANCHOR.--(a Remora--a sucking Fish.)
+
+What have we here? a man or a fish? A Fish: he _smells_ like a fish
+; a very _ancient_ and fish-like smell; a kind of, not of the newest,
+Poor John. Were I in England now (as once I was) and had but this fish
+painted, not a holiday fool there but would give a piece of silver:
+_there_ would this monster make a man; any _strange beast_ there makes
+a man. His gabbling voice is to utter foul speeches, and to detract. He
+is as disproportioned in his manners, as in his shape. As with age his
+body grows uglier, his mind cankers.
+
+ * Caliban.
+
+{103}
+
+[Illustration: 111]
+
+A WATER SCORPION.
+
+Ladies and Gentlemen,
+
+This offensive insect lives in _stagnant_ waters, continually watching
+for prey. Its feelers resemble the claws of a scorpion; the eyes are
+_hard and prominent_, the shoulders _broad and flat_. It wastes twenty
+times as much as its appetite requires; one can destroy thirty or
+forty of the libellula kind, each as large as itself. It is nevertheless
+greatly overrun with a small kind of lice, which probably repay the
+injuries it inflicts elsewhere. At certain seasons it flies to _distant
+waters_ in search of food; but it remains where it was produced until
+fully grown, when it sallies forth in search of a companion of the
+other sex, and soon begets an useless generation.*
+
+ * Martyn's Diet. Nat. Hist. 2 vols, Folio, 1785.
+
+ He that maketh the wound bleed inwards--
+ Gives Liberty the last, the mortal shock;
+ Slips the slave's collar on, and snaps the lock.
+
+ What is his Character?-- A man of amiable Manners-- mild and civil.
+
+ Character of the Murderer of the Man.
+
+I never judge from Manners, for I once had my pocket picked by the
+civilist gentleman I ever met with; and one of the mildest persons I
+ever saw was Ali Pacha.--Lord Byron.
+
+{104}
+
+[Illustration: 112]
+
+DIRKPATRICK.
+
+(a Petrified Putrefaction.--a Bloodstone.}
+
+Moral.
+
+I recommend it to all that read this History, that when they find
+their lives come up, in any degree, to a similitude of cases, they will
+inquire and ask themselves, is not this the time to repent?--De Foe's
+Col. Jack, 1723, p. 399
+
+{105}
+
+[Illustration: 113]
+
+THE BLOODHOUND.
+
+Ladies and Gentlemen,
+
+This is the most terrible animal in the Collection. Its character is
+that of decided _enmity to man_; it hunts down those who endeavor to
+regain their _Liberty_, and is called the _Ban_ Dog. When it scents a
+human victim it follows his track with cruel perseverance, flies upon
+him with dreadful ferocity, and, unless dragged off, tears and rends
+the form until every noble feature of humanity is destroyed. It has an
+exquisite smell for blood. The species vary little throughout the world
+: there is scarcely any difference between the trans-atlantic _Spanish_
+blood-hound and the _Irish_ wolf-dog, whose ferocity has been much
+diminished by the animal being frequently _crossed_. It is still kept on
+some of the old _royal grounds_.
+
+{106}
+
+[Illustration: 114]
+
+THE DOCTOR.--(a Dejection)
+
+In these days the grand "_primum mobile_" of England is CANT--Cant
+political, Cant religious, Cant moral, but always CANT--a thing of
+words, without the smallest influence upon actions; the English being no
+wiser, no better, and much poorer, and more divided among themselves,
+as well as far less moral, than they were before the prevalence of this
+_Verbal Decorum._--Lord Byron on Mr. Bowles
+
+Diary.--April 1st. I grew _melancholy_.--My father lying sick, told me,
+in syllables, the _Philosopher's stone_.--It pleased God to put me in
+mind that I was now placed in the condition I always desired.--I hung
+three spiders about my neck (_for a charm_).--I kissed the king's
+hand.--_Cotera desunt._--Elias Ashmole's Diary.
+
+ .
+{107}
+
+[Illustration: 115]
+
+THE BOOBY.
+
+Ladies and Gentlemen,
+
+The _Creature_ you now see is a sort of _Noddy_ of the Gull kind.
+Observe his uncouth form and his ludicrously wise looks! He is the most
+stupid of the _feathered_ tribe; yet he has a _voracious_ appetite, and
+an enormous swallow. You perceive that he feigns the appearance of being
+_upright_, of seeming to comprehend objects he sees, of listening to
+what he hears, and that he shakes his head with _gravity_, as though
+he had a certain degree of understanding. His greatest pleasure is in
+_standing still._ He has not sense enough to _get out of People's way_
+; speaking to him or making _motions_ never disturb him. There is no
+compelling him to the fatigue of _changing_ his position till he feels
+a _blow_; for he keeps his place till he is approached quite close, and
+_knocked down_. He is a living _full stop_. When he is _forced to
+walk_, which is very seldom, he goes from _side to side_. Like others of
+similar tribes, he boroughs. In this respect the union and affection of
+these _Creatures_ towards each other is wonderful; for, when undisturbed
+by the encroachments of _men_, they construct their _nests_ as
+convenient as if they expected them to be _permanent_; arranging
+their different places with such an amazing degree of uniformity, as to
+resemble a _regular plantation_. Sometimes they draw up side by side,
+in rank and file, and sit brooding together as if in deep counsel,
+on affairs of moment--their _silliness_ and _solemnity_ exciting
+involuntary _laughter!_ This _burlesque_ takes place, in particular,
+about
+
+{108}the month of _November_. The habits of these tribes are known
+through those who visit the haunts they have forsaken for more obscure
+_retreats_, where they can _build aloft_, and settle in their _nests_ at
+ease: a practice which confirms the remark of a great naturalist, that
+the presence of _men_ not only destroys the society of the _meaner_
+animals, but even extinguishes their _grovelling_ instincts. Hitherto
+the Booby has been considered of no service whatever; yet a similar
+species, * by drawing a wick through the body and lighting it, is made
+into a _candle_S. ** If this Booby could be thus used, the _illumination
+of_ both Houses and the public offices might be speedily effected, and
+the tribe he belongs to be rendered available to human purposes. At
+any rate a skilful tallow-chandler might try his hand at converting the
+_Creature_ into A TWOPENNY FLAT
+
+[Illustration: 116]
+
+{109}
+
+[Illustration: 117]
+
+THE SLOP PAIL.
+
+Ladies and Gentlemen,
+
+The "Slop Pail" being occupied by "Slop" keeping his _tri-colored_,
+cockade in it, with the hope of bleaching it _white_, has become more
+and more offensive daily, and will be kicked down.
+
+The {110}GREAT BOOTS having been _out of order_, were _welted_, and
+afterwards new _vamped, and polished._ Dr. Southey, _the Varnisher_, has
+them in hand at present, and is '_doing them up_' as fast as possible.
+
+Ladies and Gentlemen,
+
+I thank you for your company. Opposite to you is a description of
+The Monster that my people are now _hunting_ on the Continent. When
+_destroyed_, its skin will be stuffed and preserved among the other
+Antiquities and Curiosities in the _European Museum_.
+
+Ladies and Gentlemen, I wish you _a good day.-- Keep_ to the right.
+Walk steadily forward. The _Animals_ may make an _uproar_, but don't be
+alarmed; I'll see you safe out. Remember they are _under my control_,
+and cannot take a step beyond the reach of MY EYE
+
+[Illustration: 118]
+
+{111}
+
+THE BOA DESOLATOR, OR LEGITIMATE VAMPIRE.
+
+It overlays the continent like an ugly Incubus, sucking the blood and
+stopping up the breath of man's life. It claims Mankind as its property,
+and allows human nature to exist only upon sufferance; it haunts the
+understanding like a frightful spectre, and oppresses the very air
+witha weight that is not to be borne. Hazlitt's Political Essays and
+Characters, p. 21.
+
+This hideous Beast, not having at any time put forth all his _members_,
+cannot be accurately described. Every _dark_ Century has added to his
+frightful bulk. More disgusting than the filthiest reptile, his strength
+exceeds all other _brute force_.
+
+His enormous, bloated, toad-like body is _ferruginous: * the under
+surface appears of _polished steel_. His cavern-like mouth is always
+open to devour; his teeth are as _swords_, and his jaw-teeth as
+knives'--as millions of _bristling bayonets_ intermingled with _black
+fangs_ containing mortal venom. His roar is a voice from the sepulchre.
+He is marked 'in form of a cross_, ** with a series of _chains_,
+intersected by the triangle, *** and glittering colours, variegated with
+_red_.
+
+His aspect is cruel and terrible. He loves the _dark_, but never sleeps.
+Wherever he makes his lair, nature sickens, and man is brutified. His
+presence is 'plague, pestilence, and famine, battle, and murder, and
+sudden death.' His bite rapidly _undermines the strongest_ Constitution,
+and dissolves the whole into an entire mass of Corruption. He has no
+_brain_, but the _walls_ of the skull emit a _tinkling_ sound, that
+attracts his victims, and lulls them into _passive obedience_. In this
+state he clutches them in his coils, and _screws and squeezes_ them to
+destruction--_slavering_ them over, and sucking in their _substance_
+at leisure. It is difficult to witness the half-stifled cries of his
+harmless prey, or to behold its anxiety and trepidation, while the
+monster writhes hideously around it, without imagining _what our own
+case would be in the same dreadful situation._ *****
+
+ * Shaw's Zoology. Art. Boa, iii. 344.
+
+ ** Ibid. 366.
+
+ *** Linnaeus's Nat. Hist, by Gmelio, 8vo. (Jooes) 1816.
+ Art. Boa Constrictor, xii. 437.
+
+ **** Shaw's Zoology, iii. 339.
+
+ ***** Macleod's Wreck of the Alceste, 291, 295.
+
+His rapacity is increased by _indulgence_. He grinds, cranches, and
+devours whole multitudes, without being satisfied. His blood is cold.
+His ravening maw does not digest: it is an ever-yawning grave that
+_engulphs_--a 'bottomless pit' continually crying '_give, give!_'
+Sometimes he rests {112}from his labors,' to admire his loathsome
+_limbs_, and _slime_ them over. He has no affections: yet he appears
+charmed by the _hum_ of the insects that follow him, and pleased by the
+_tickling crawl_ of the meanest reptiles-permitting them to hang upon
+his lips, and partake of his leavings. But his real pleasure is in
+listening to the cries of his captives, the wail of the broken hearted,
+and the groans of the dying.
+
+He lives in defiance and scorn of Providence, and in hatred to the
+happiness of man. When distended with human carnage, and wet with the
+gore of the innocent and the helpless, he lifts an impious _form_ to
+heaven in solemn mockery. He was predicted of by the Seer of old, as the
+Beast with many heads and crowns, bearing the name of Blasphemy.
+
+The garish _colours_ that denote his malignity, excite only horror and
+detestation in the lover of nature, and of his species. They are most
+_lively_ when he is engaged in the work of death, and cause him to be
+admired by the vulgar multitude, learned and unlearned, who hold him
+_sacred_, pay him _divine honors_, call him _holy_, and fall down before
+him as an object-of worship, while priests glorify him, and minister to
+him, and pray for his murderous successes in the temples. Hence-the good
+and the wise, in all ages, have devised and practised various methods
+for the destruction of a Fiend that creates nothing but _terror and
+imposture_, and between whom and rational man there is a natural
+antipathy.
+
+He is filled with the deadliest rage by the encreasing growth of the
+_pop'lar Tree_S:--
+
+ THAT TREE, beneath whose shade the Sons of Men
+ Shall 'pitch their tenta in peace.
+
+ ----Brissot murder'd, and the blameless wife
+ Of Roland! Martyr'd patriots, spirits pure,
+ Wept by the good, ye fell! Yet still survives,
+ Sown by your toil, and by your blood manured,
+ The imperishable TREE; and still its roots
+ Spread, and strike deep. ----
+
+ Southey's Joan of Arc, b. iii.
+
+His existence is drawing to a close. It has been ascertained that the
+way of putting him _quietly_ out of the world is by a consisting of the
+_four and twenty letters_ * of the alphabet, properly _composed_, made
+up in certain _forms_, covered with sheets of white _paper_. and well
+_worked_ in a _Columbian_ Press. These Papers are to be _forced down his
+throat_ {113}daily, _morning and evening_, and on every _seventh_ day
+a _double_ dose should be administered. The operation is accelerated
+by the powerful _exhibition_ of the Wood Draughts. In a short time his
+teeth will fall out--he will be seized with catalepsy--in the last stage
+of mortification, _he will_ sting himself _to death_;--and all mankind,
+relieved from the deadened atmosphere under which they had been
+_gasping_, will make the first use of their _recovered breath_, to raise
+an universal shout of joy at the extinction of THE LEGITIMATE VAMPIRE.
+
+ * Philostratus relates that the Indians destroy the most
+ monstrous serpent by spreading _golden_ letters, on a field
+ of _red_, before his hole. They dazzle and confound him, and
+ he is taken without difficulty.
+
+[Illustration: 121]
+
+ These Lords of pray'r and prey--that _band_, of Kings,
+ That Royal, rav'ning BEAST, whose vampire wings
+ O'er sleeping Europe treacherously brood,
+ And fan her into dreams of promised good,
+ Of Hope, of Freedom--but to drain her blood! Moore.
+
+The End.
+
+CATALOGUE
+
+{114}
+
+[Illustration: 122]
+
+{115}
+
+[Illustration: 123]
+
+{116}
+
+[Illustration: 124]
+
+{117}
+
+THE MAN IN THE MOON,
+
+"If Caesar can hide the Sun with a blanket, or put the Moon in his
+pocket, we will pay him tribute for light."--Cymbeline.
+
+With Fifteen Cuts.
+
+[Illustration: 125]
+
+{118}
+
+ ------"Is there not
+ Some hidden thunder in the stores of heaven,
+ Red with uncommon wrath, to blast the men
+ Who owe their greatness to their country's ruin
+
+{120}
+
+ Dedicated
+
+[Illustration: 127]
+
+
+
+
+THE MAN IN THE MOON,
+
+A SPEECH FROM THE THRONE, TO THE SENATE OF LUNATARIA
+
+[Illustration: 128]
+
+INTRODUCTION.
+
+ I lately dream'd that, in a huge balloon,
+ All silk and gold, I journey'd to the Moon,
+ Where the same objects seem'd to meet my eyes
+ That I had lately left below the skies;
+
+{121}
+
+ And judge of my astonishment, on seeing
+ All things exactly, to a hair, agreeing:
+ The mountains, rivers, cities, trees, and towers,
+ On Cynthia's silver surface, seem'd like ours;
+ Men, women, children, language, dress, and faces,
+ Lords, Commons, Lackies, Pensioners, and Places,
+ Whigs, Tories, Lawyers, Priests, and men of blood,
+ And even _Radicals_--by all that's good!
+
+ In a long street, just such as London's Strand is,
+ 'Midst Belles and Beggars, Pickpockets and Dandies,
+ Onward I went, between a brazen horse,
+ And a large Inn which bore a Golden Cross,
+ Then through a passage, narrow, long and dark,
+ That brought my footsteps to a spacious park.
+
+ It chanc'd that morning that the Sovereign Dey,
+ The Prince of Lunataria pass'd that way--
+ Gods! what a sight! what countless crouds were there,
+ What yells, and groans, and hootings, rent the air!
+ By which, I learn'd, the Lunatarian nation
+ Are wont to testify their admiration;
+ We don't do so on earth--but that's no matter--
+ The Dey went onward, midst a hideous clatter
+ To meet the Senators; for'twas appointed,
+ That, on that morning, He--the Lord's anointed--
+ Should make a grand Oration from the throne,
+ That his most royal pleasure might be known.
+
+{122}
+
+ Respecting certain great affairs of State:--
+ I heard the speech; Oh! could the muse relate
+ The "_elegance_ the sweet "_distinctiveness_"
+ With which his Royal Deyship did address
+ That reverend body of Moonarian sages,
+ I'd write a book that should endure for ages.
+
+ Alas! such heights are not for me to reach;
+ I'll therefore, from my note-book, take the Speech,
+ And you must say, as'tis by Pope exprest,
+ "Give all thou canst, and _we_ will dream the rest!"
+
+[Illustration: 130]
+
+{123}
+
+[Illustration: 131]
+
+THE SPEECH.
+
+ MY L--rds and G--tl--n,
+ I grieve to say,
+ That poor old Dad,
+ Is just as--bad,
+ As when I met you here
+ the other day.
+
+{124}
+
+ 'Tis pity that these cursed State Affairs
+ Should take you from your pheasants and your hares
+ Just now:
+
+ But lo!
+
+ Conspiracy and Treason are abroad!
+
+ Those imps of darkness, gender'd in the wombs
+ Of spinning-jennies, winding-wheels, and looms,
+
+ In Lunashire--
+
+ Oh, Lord!
+
+ My L--ds and G--tl--n, we've much to fear!
+
+ Reform, Reform, the swinish rabble cry--
+ Meaning, of course, rebellion, blood, and riot--
+ Audacious rascals! you, my Lords, and I,
+ Know 'tis their duty to be starved in quiet:
+ But they have grumbling habits, incompatible
+ With the repose of _our_ august community--
+ They see that good things are with us come-at-ible,
+ And therefore slyly watch their opportunity
+ To get a share;
+
+ Yes, they declare
+ That we are not God's favorites alone--
+ That _they_ have rights to food, and clothes, and air,
+ As well as you, the Brilliants of a throne!
+ Oh! indications foul of revolution--
+ The villains would destroy the Constitution!
+
+{125}
+
+ I've given orders for a lot of Letters,
+ From these seditious, scribbling, scoundrels' betters
+ N--d--n and N--rr--s, F--ch--r, W--t and H--y
+ 'To _lie_, for your instruction,'
+
+ Upon the table;
+
+ From which said premises you'll soon be able
+ To make a fair deduction,
+
+ That some decisive measures must be taken,
+ Without delay,
+
+ To quell the _Radicals_,
+
+ and save our bacon.
+
+ And now, my faithful C--m--ns,
+ You must find
+
+ The means to raise the wind:
+
+ For Derry Down, and Sid, have thought it wise,
+ To have--_besides the Spies_--
+ A few more Cut-throats, to protect the rhino
+ Of loyal people,--such as you and I know.
+
+ Van's estimates will come before you straight;
+ And, I foresee
+ That your opinions will with mine agree,
+
+ No lighter weight
+ Can well be placed on
+
+{126}
+
+[Illustration: 134]
+
+ Who is, you know,
+
+ a very willing hack.
+
+ The revenue has fluctuated
+ slightly--
+
+ See the _Courier_--
+
+ But it's been found to be
+
+ improving nightly--
+
+ For two weeks past,--
+
+ therefore we've nought to fear.
+
+ Some branches of our trade
+ are still deprest,
+
+ And those dependant on them
+ wanting food,
+
+{127}
+
+ _But that's a sort of
+
+ temporary evil_--
+
+ 'Twill wear away:
+
+ perhaps'tis for the best
+ At all events,'twill do no good
+ To let the starving wretches be uncivil.
+
+ Five years ago, you know, our sad condition
+ Was partly owing to
+
+ '_the quick transition
+ From war to peace_'--then,
+
+ we had '_scanty crops_'--
+ Then, something else--and now--
+ our weavers' shops
+ Are full of _Radicals_,
+
+ and _Flags_, and _Caps_;
+ But '_temporary_' still
+
+ are these mishaps--
+
+ The 'quick transition's' gone,
+
+ the 'crops' are good,
+ And though the _Radicals_
+
+ may still want food,
+
+ A few
+
+{128}
+
+[Illustration: 136]
+
+ STEEL LOZENGES
+
+ will stop their pain,
+
+ And set the Constitution
+ right again.
+
+ My L--ds and G--tl--n,
+
+ The foreign powers
+ Write me word frequently that they are ours,
+
+ Most truly and sincerely, in compliance
+ With our most
+
+{129}
+
+[Illustration: 137]
+
+ HOLY COMPACT AND ALLIANCE,
+
+ The purposes of which
+
+ I need not mention--
+
+ You that have brains can guess
+ at the intention.
+
+ 'Tis my most anxious wish,
+ now we're at peace,
+
+ That all internal discontents
+ should cease--
+
+ T' accomplish which
+
+ I see no better way
+ Than putting one-eyed pensioners
+ on full pay.
+
+{130}
+
+ 'The body of the people, I do think,
+ are loyal still,'
+
+ But pray, My L--ds and G--tl--n,
+ don't shrink
+ From exercising all your care
+ and skill,
+
+ Here, and at home,
+
+ TO CHECK THE CIRCULATION
+
+[Illustration: 138]
+
+ OF LITTLE BOOKS,
+
+ Whose very looks--
+
+ Vile '_two-p'nny trash_,'
+
+ bespeak abomination.
+
+ Oh! they are full of blasphemies
+ and libels,
+
+ And people read them
+
+ oftener than their bibles.
+
+{131}
+
+ Go H--df----t, Y--rm--th, C--le--gh, and C--nil--g
+ Go, and be planning,
+
+ Within your virtuous minds, what best will answer
+ To save _our_ morals from this public cancer;
+
+ Go and impress, my friends, upon all classes,
+ From sleek-fac'd Swindlers down to half-starv'd Asses,
+ 'That, from religious principles alone,'
+
+ (_Dont be such d----d fools as to blab your own_)
+ Temperance, chasteness, conjugal attention--
+
+ With other virtues that I need not mention--
+
+ And from subordination, and respect,
+
+ To every knave in robes of office deck'd--
+
+ 'Can they expect to gain divine protection'
+
+ And save their sinful bodies from dissection!
+
+{132}
+
+ His Highness ceased--
+
+ The dissonance of Babel
+ Rose from the motley
+
+ Moonitarian rabble:
+
+ The yell of loyalty--
+
+ the dungeon groan--
+
+ The shriek of woe--
+
+ the starving infant's moan
+ The brazen trumpets' note--
+ the din of war--
+
+ The shouts of freemen
+
+ rising from afar--
+
+ Darted in horrid discord
+
+ through my brain:--
+
+ I woke, and found myself
+ on Earth again.
+
+[Illustration: 140]
+
+{133}
+
+
+
+
+THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS TO GOVERN WRONG!
+
+Dedicated to the Holy Alliance
+
+By The Author Of The Political House That Jack Built.
+
+[Illustration: 141]
+
+{135]
+
+Dedication.
+
+TO
+
+THE VISIBLE AND INVISIBLE MEMBERS OF THE HOLY ALLIANCE.
+
+May it please your Holinesses,
+
+When a gang of desperate ruffians disguise themselves, and take the road
+armed, it is a sure sign of robbery and murder; and it becomes the duty
+of an honest man to raise a _hue and cry_, and describe the villains.
+
+With that view, I dedicate to you this little book; in the hope, that
+some who understand the _dead_ lan-guage of Despotism, may be induced
+to translate it into the _living_ tongues of the good people of the
+Continent.
+
+I pray God to take your Royalty into his immediate keeping.
+
+{136}
+
+ O! Dulness, if thy sons can learn one thing,
+ Teach but that one, sufficient for a King;
+
+ That which _thy_ Priests, and _thine_ alone, maintain,
+ Which, as It dies, or lives, They fall, or reign:
+
+ May ye, O Cam and Isis, preach it long,
+ 'The Right Divine of Kings to govern wrong!'
+
+ Pope.
+
+It was a maxim of the Constitution of this country that the King could
+do no wrong. He had high authority for stating that _the King could not
+commit Folly, much less Crime._ --Report of a Bishop's Speech.
+
+If a King can do no wrong, why was King James II. banished? and if a
+King can do wrong, why the plague are we constantly affirming that he
+cannot? Either way we should stand self-condemned, and if we are not
+set down as a nation of scoundrels, we must think ourselves pretty easy
+under the appellation of fools.--Swift,
+
+ ----------We love
+ The King, who loves the law, respects his bounds,
+ And reigns content within them: him we serve
+ Freely and with delight, who leaves us free:
+ But recollecting still that he is man,
+ We trust him not too far. King though he be,
+ And King in England too, he may be weak.
+
+ And vain enough to be ambitious still;
+ May exercise amiss his proper pow'rs,
+ Or covet more than freemen choose to grant:
+ Beyond that mark is TREASON.
+
+ --Cowper
+
+{137}
+
+PREFACE.
+
+ "Perish those poets, and be hush'd the song,
+ Which with this _nonsense_ charm'd the world so long,
+ That he who does no right, can do no wrong."
+
+ De Foe.
+
+To condemn _nonsense_, especially in high places, is proper: there are
+ancient precedents for it.
+
+A thousand years before Christ, Nathan, a priest in the house of the
+Lord at Jerusalem, knew that David the Lord's anointed, had not only
+worked _folly_ in Israel, by committing adultery with a beautiful woman,
+but had committed _crime_, by causing her husband to be put to death.
+The honest priest charged both the folly and the crime upon the king!
+He went up to his majesty with this Address: "_Thou art the man!_"
+He prosecuted him at the bar of his own conscience, convicted him,
+and passed sentence upon him--"_The sword shall not depart from thine
+house!_"
+
+Three thousand years after this, a priest, sent into an English House of
+Lords by the nomination of the king, affirms there, that "he had 'high
+authority' for stating, that the king could not commit _folly_. much
+less _crime!"_ right? {138}If he does say this, I ask him, how
+long, after oppression should be exercised through the prerogative by
+virtually irresponsible ministers and be declared no wrong, he supposes
+that a king of England could sit on the throne, or the bishops who
+maintain the doctrine, sit either at its right hand in the Lords, or any
+where else? I tell this bishop, that though the law may not suppose it
+possible for a king of England to do wrong, because it intends him to
+do right, yet if he _should_ do, and _continue_ to do, oppressive
+wrong, not all the bishops of England, nor all the bayonets of all
+the mercenaries of Europe, could keep that king upon the throne of an
+oppressed people against their united will.
+
+A king of England is not king in his own right, or by hereditary right.
+The nation is not a patrimony. He is not king by his own power; but in
+right of, and by the power of the law. He is not king above the law;
+but by, or under, the law. All the authority that he has, is given to
+him by law; and he can only rule _according_ to law: for were he to
+rule _against_ the law, he would be _king_ against the law, and depose
+himself. The law is the Sovereign, or paramount authority; hence,
+a king of England is a subject; and in this respect, he and all the
+people are upon a level before the law--they are all his fellow-subjects
+; though, as chief magistrate, he is the _first_ subject of the law.
+
+A king of England who regards the happiness of the people, and his own
+safety, would not wish to be stronger {139}than the law founded on the
+public will, makes him. More strength would be unnecessary to _his_
+welfare, and hurtful to theirs. All power _over others_, from the
+watch-box to the throne, tends to injure the understanding, and corrupt
+the heart. A good King would not desire unlimited power; a bad one
+would abuse it. He would become mad; and drive the people mad. A despot
+is a demon. Artillery and fetters with the royal robe flung over
+them--a cannon ball capped with the royal crown--animated by the royal
+will--crushing, burning, and butchering liberty, property, and human
+life--personify the power of an unlimited King.
+
+The ensuing satire shows the folly and danger of such power. It is a
+partial revival of the _Jure Divino_, written by Daniel De Foe in 1706.
+After the lapse of a century, nearly the same reason exists for the
+publication as the author adduced on its first appearance. It had never
+appeared, he says, "had not the world seemed to be going mad a second
+time with the error of passive obedience and non-resistance." It is not
+precisely so now: the _people_ have not gone mad, but a _bishop_ has,
+who may bite his brethren; and there is a slavish party of High Church
+zealots and pulpit casuists in the country who virtually support the
+doctrine--although if they attempt reducing it to practice, they may
+dig a pit beneath the throne, and engulph the dynasty. To expose this
+destructive doctrine, and disentangle the threads so artfully twisted
+into snares for the unwary by {140}priestcraft, De Foe composed his
+Satire. He was the ablest politician of his day, an energetic writer,
+and, better than all, an honest man; but not much of a poet. The _Jure
+Divino_ is defective in arrangement and versification. It is likewise
+disfigured by injudicious repetition; a large portion is devoted to the
+politics of the time, and it is otherwise unfit for republication entire
+; but it abounds with energetic thoughts, forcible touches, and happy
+illustrations. The present is an attempt to separate the gold from the
+dross. The selection is carefully made; from the parts rejected the
+best passages are preserved, the rhyme and metre are somewhat bettered,
+the extracts are improved and transposed, and many additions of my own
+are introduced. The production scornfully rejects the slavish folly,
+senseless jargon, and venal hypocrisy, which pretend that power is from
+God and not from the People. It defies those who draw upon scripture in
+support of _Divine Right_ to show that scripture lays down any rules of
+_political_ government, or enjoins any _political_ duties; or that
+it does not leave the people to determine by their own reason what
+government and what governors are best for themselves. It is a forcible
+and argumentative satire against the _nonsense_ from hole-and-corner
+and lawn-sleeve men; and presents a series of peculiarly strong and
+quotable lines, to engraft on the common sense of the free-minded,
+honest, and open-hearted of my countrymen. If it aids them in the
+occasional illustration and emphatic expression of {141}their opinions,
+the pains I have taken will be rewarded.
+
+There is another reason for publishing this satire, besides the revival
+of Priestcraft. Its twinbrother is alive. Kingcraft rears up its
+terrific mass, muffled in the mantle of Legitimacy; its head cowled
+and crowned, aud dripping with the holy oil of Divine Right; its eyes
+glaring deadly hate to human happiness; its lips demanding worship for
+itself. Denouncing dreadful curses against the free, and yelling forth
+threatenings and slaughter, it stamps with its hoof, and coils together
+its frightful force to fall on young Liberty and squelch it. Its red
+right-arm is bared for the butchery of the brave who love Freedom and
+dare contend for it. It has prepared its chains and dug its dungeons,
+erected its scaffolds, aud sharpened its axes for the wise and
+excellent of the earth; and its bloody banners are unfurled in insolent
+anticipation of unholy triumph!--
+
+ ------Still monarchs dream
+ Of universal empire growing up
+ From universal ruin! Blast the design,
+ Great God of Hosts, nor let thy creatures fall,
+ Unpitied victims at ambition's shrine!
+
+So prayed the Bishop of London, (Porteus--not Howley) and so fervently
+prays,
+
+The Author Of The Political House That Jack Built.
+
+{142}
+
+
+THE SPIRIT OF DESPOTISM.
+
+The above Rare and Extraordinary Book was privately printed in 1795,
+without the name of either printer or bookseller, and so effectually
+suppressed, that there are only two copies of it besides my own in
+existence.
+
+Its real value consists in exhibiting an entire and luminous view of the
+causes and consequences of Despotic Power. Its enthusiastic and glowing
+love of Liberty is unexcelled by any work written since; and for
+clearness, richness, and beauty of style, it is superior to every
+production of the Press within the same period All that the author
+touches, he turns into gold. I regret to say that most probably I shall
+never be at liberty to disclose his name.
+
+Naturally desirous that such a work should be perused by all England, I
+have reprinted it, verbatim, from my own copy; and, although containing
+as much in quantity as a volume of Gibbon's History of Rome, it is sold
+for _Eighteen-pence_.
+
+WILLIAM HONE.
+
+ The _French_, instantly perceiving the transcendent
+ merit of the Spirit of Despotism, and its high importance at
+ this crisis, have translated it into their language, and it
+ is now read throughout France with the greatest avidity. I
+ intreat some good _Neapolitan_ to be the benefactor of his
+ Countrymen in like manner. It should be in the hands of the
+ free, and those who desire to be free, in all nations;--
+ _Austria_, for instance.
+
+{143}
+
+THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS TO GOVERN WRONG.
+
+BOOK I.
+
+ Thus Kings were first invented, and thus Kings
+ Were burnish'd into heroes, and became
+ The arbiters of this terraqueous swamp;
+ Storks among frogs that have but croak'd and died!
+
+ Cowper.
+
+_Original Power--The ancient Gods--Tyrant-kings--The Apotheosis of
+James II. in the Chapel Royal--Charles II.--Paternal Government--God
+prescribed no Rules of Government--Origin of Kings--Saul._
+
+ Arise, O Satire!--tune thy useful song,
+ Silence grows criminal, when crimes grow strong;
+ Of meaner vice, and villains, sing no more,
+ But Monsters crown'd, and Crime enrobed with Power!
+ At vice's high Imperial throne begin,
+ Relate the _ancient_ prodigies of sin;
+ With pregnant phrase, and strong impartial verse,
+ The crimes of men, and crimes of Kings rehearse!
+ What though thy labour shall to _us_ be vain,
+ And the World's bondage must _its time_ remain;
+ Let willing slaves in golden fetters lie,
+ There's none can save the men who _will_ to die.
+
+{144}
+
+ Yet some there are that would not tamely bow,
+ Who fain would break their chains, if they knew how;
+ And these, from thy inspired lines, may see,
+ How they choose bondage when they may go free.
+
+ He that can levy War with all mankind,
+ Retard the day-spring of the human mind;
+ Buy Justice, sell Oppression, bribe the Law,
+ Exalt the Fool, and keep the Wise in awe;
+ With pious Peter, * cant of heaven's commands,
+ Pray with his lips, and murder with his hands;
+ Insult the wretched, trample on the poor,
+ And mock the miseries mankind endure;
+ Can ravage countries, property devour,
+ And trample Law beneath the _feet of Power_;
+ Scorn the restraint of oaths and promised Right, **
+ And ravel compacts in the people's sight;
+
+ * Peter the Cruel, King of Caslile He married the daughter
+ of a Duke of Bourbon, whom he divorced, in order to renew
+ his connexion with a former mistress. His excesses
+ occasioned the people to dethrone him. He affected piety,
+ and to govern by divine right!
+
+ ** Despots seldom keep engagements.--The People of Prussia
+ have a 'promised right' from their king of some years
+ standing. After the Battle of Waterloo, he promised them a
+ Constitution--but became a member of the Holy Alliance. In
+ 1814, this king, with another of the fraternity, the Emperor
+ of Russia, was entertained at an expense of 20,028L. 7s.
+ 10d. in Guildhall London, by the Corporation in Common
+ Council assembled, who also presented addresses of
+ congratulation to the worthies, on their having contributed,
+ by encaging Napoleon, to restore what the addresses called,
+ "the Legitimate dynasties." The result is, that the
+ legitimate Emperor of Russia backs the crusade on the People
+ of Naples; and the legitimate king of Prussia is as little
+ inclined to let the Prussians have a Constitution, as the
+ Corporation of London find it convenient to return the
+ 14,000L. of the Bridge-House money which they borrowed
+ towards paying for the feast. The 'company they kept' and
+ the money they owe in consequence, must be a satisfactory,
+ because the only apology from the metropolis of the most
+ free country in Europe, to the Neapolitans, for not
+ assisting them in defending their national Independence, and
+ their new-born Liberty, against the combined attack of "the
+ Legitimate dynasties."
+
+{145}
+
+ _That_ thing's a Tyrant!--and that _People Fools_,
+ _Who basely bend to be that Tyrant's tools!_
+ Examine then the early course of things,
+ And search the ancient roll of Tyrant Kings,
+ When the first man usurp'd upon his kind,
+ Assumed exotick right, assuming reigned;
+ Supreme in wickedness, more wicked grew;
+ First _forced_ a homage, then decreed it _due_.
+
+ Trace the first Tyrants to their fancied thrones,
+ Placed in that heaven that all their crimes disowns:--
+ If in the Royal lists some monsters reign'd,
+ Abborr'd by heaven, and hated by mankind,
+ By lust and blood exalted to a throne,
+ For all the exquisites of Tyrant known,
+ The meaner name of monarch they despise,
+ Alive, usurp the throne, and dead, the skies;
+ Above the clouds th' incarnate devil stands,
+ And nations worship with polluted hands!
+ Old Saturn, Bacchus, and high-thundering Jove,
+ And all the rabble of the Gods above,
+ Whose names for their immortal crimes are fear'd,
+ Monarchs and Tyrant-princes first appear'd;
+
+{146}
+
+ By rapes and blood the path to greatness stain'd,
+ By rapes and blood the glittering station gain'd;
+ Succeeding knaves succeeding Gods became,
+ And sin aspired to an immortal name!
+ The mighty wretches dwell among the stars,
+ And vice in virtue's glorious robes appears;
+ And Poets celebrate their praises there,
+ As Indians worship Devils that they fear!
+ Yet let us look around the world awhile,
+ And find a Patron-God for Albion's Isle;
+ Has she so many Tyrants borne in vain?
+ Has she no Star in the celestial train?
+ Heaven knows, the difficulty only lies,
+ In who's the fittest monster for the skies!--
+ Satire, reflect with care, due caution give,
+ Some -------- are dead, beware of those that live.
+ If thou too near the present age begin,
+ Truth will be crime, and courage will be sin!
+
+ Look back two ages, see where shines on high
+ Great James, the modern Bacchus of the sky;
+ But give him time before his ghost appear,
+ Lest his uneasy fame bewray his fear:
+ Alive, the patron of the tim'rous race,
+ Fear in his head, and frenzy in his face;
+ His constellation, were it felt beneath,
+ Would make men strive to die--for fear of death!
+ His exaltation with his crimes begin,
+ See how we worship in his _House of Sin_,
+ Aloft--we view the Bacchanalian King;
+ Below--the sacred anthems daily sing;
+ His vast excess the pencil's art displays,
+ And triumphs in the clouds above our praise:
+
+{147}
+
+ What can, with equal force, devotion move,
+ We pray below, and He's debauch'd above!*
+ Look lower down the galaxy and see,
+ In yon crown'd Goat another Deity;
+ His orgied reel and lecherous leer outvie
+ The old Priapian glory of the sky;
+ His furious lusts the other Gods deface
+ And spread his viler image through the place;
+ On obscene altars blaze unholy fires
+ To him, the God of all unchaste desires! **
+
+ * The Banqnetling House at Whitehall is now the Chapel
+ Royal, where sermons are preached and Divine service is sung
+ by the choir of the king's household. On the floor, are the
+ pews for the congregation, the pulpits of the clergy, the
+ altar with the sacramental vessels, and the other
+ arrangements for sacred wor-ship. On the ceiling, the
+ apotheosis of King James the First, painted by Rubens,
+ represents the king in different situations crowned with the
+ triumphs of drunkenness.
+
+ James the First held the highest notions concerning Divine
+ Right. He had a mighty desire to be a great tyrant, but was
+ merely a great driveller. He said on a certain occasion that
+ "_there is an implicit tie among kings, which obligeth them,
+ though there be no other interest or particular engagement,
+ to stick to, and right one another, upon an insurrection of
+ subjects._"--How-ell's Letters, B. 1. Sec.. 2. Letter iii.
+
+ This obligation among kings _to right one another_, flows
+ from their 'Right Divine to govern wrong!' The _implicit
+ tie_ to suffo-cate liberty, wherever it appears, is co-eval
+ with tyranny--but it was never _openly_ avowed until the
+ present concert of kings. The Holy Alliance is--Despotism
+ shewing itself.
+
+ ** It was for this king, Charles II., that the phrase, "our
+ Religious king," was invented by the Bishops.
+
+ If such Vicegerents are by Heaven appointed,
+ The Devil himself may be the Lord s anointed!
+ --De Foe
+
+{148}
+
+ We turn disgusted from the contemplation
+ Nor seek more royal samples of our nation;
+ But leave Posterity to find the place
+ Of other heroes, of another race.
+
+ Europe, thy thrones have many a name in store,
+ As bright in guilt as any crown'd before;
+ Who, turn'd to Gods, shall shine in Poets' rhymes,
+ And faithful Hist'ry shall record their crimes.
+
+ The first _Paternal_ ruler of mankind
+ That e'er by primogenial title reign'd,
+ In dignity of government was high
+ But all his kingdom was his family.
+
+ His subjects--were his household and his wife;
+ His power--to regulate their way of life;
+ His sway--extended not beyond his gate;
+ That was the limit--of his regal state;
+ And every son might from his rule divide,
+ Be King himself, and by himself preside;
+ And when he died, the government went on
+ In natural succession to his son.
+
+ Next Families of mutual love and unity
+ Together join'd for friendship and _community_;
+ Form'd Laws, and _then_ the natural order was
+ To trust some man to execute the Laws.
+
+ Hence him they best could trust, they trusted--chose;
+ And thus a _Nation_ and a chief arose,
+ Both constituted by a mutual trust;
+ The people honest and the ruler just. *
+
+ * No hereditary king ever reigned in the world, but to
+ govern by laws and constitutions which were established
+ _before_ he came to be king.--Coke's Detection, vol. i. p.
+ 13.
+
+{149}
+
+ 'Tis plain, when man came from his Maker's hand,
+ He left him free, and at his own command;
+ Gave him the light of nature to direct,
+ And reason, * nature's errors to inspect;
+ No rules of Government were e'er set down,
+ Nature was furnish'd to direct her own;
+ The high unerring light of Providence,
+ Left that to latent cause and consequence.
+
+ * Reason is the image of God stamped upon man at his birth,
+ the understanding breathed into him with the breath of life,
+ and iu the participation of which alone he is raised above
+ the brute creation, and his own physical nature!--Reason is
+ the queen of the moral world, the soul of the universe, the
+ lamp of human life, the pillar of society, the foundation of
+ law, the bea-con of nations, the golden chain let down from
+ heaven, which links all animated and all intelligent natures
+ in one common system--and, in the vain strife between
+ fanatic iuuovation and fauatic prejudice, we are exhorted to
+ dethrone this queen of the world, to blot out this light of
+ the mind, to deface this fair co-lumn, to break in pieces
+ this golden chaiu!--Hazlitt's Political Essays, p. 57.
+
+ Society to regulation tends,
+ As naturally as means pursue their ends;
+ The wit of man could never yet invent,
+ A way of life without a government;
+ And government has always been begun,
+ In those who, to be govern'd, gave the crown.
+
+ He that would other schemes of rule contrive
+ And search for powers the people could not give,
+ Must seek a spring which can those powers convey,
+ And seek a People too that will obey.
+
+ At length paternal rule was less complete,
+ And as mankind increas'd became unfit;
+ The petty Lords grow quarrelsome and proud,
+ And plunge their little governments in blood.
+
+{150}
+
+ The factious rivals on pretence of _right,_
+ Urge on the people to contend and fight;
+ Invaded weakness to brute force submits,
+ Oppression rages, honesty retreats,
+ Justice gives way to power, and power prevails,
+ And universal slavery entails.
+
+ Thus broils arose, and thus the ends of life
+ Are miss'd in Wars and undecided strife!
+ Scotland, till late, exemplified the plan,
+ In many a feud, in many a Highland clan.
+
+ The Chief with whoop and whistling trumpet shrill,
+ Summons his slaves from ev'ry neighb'ring hill;
+ Tells them, his foeman's bull has stol'n his cow,
+ And dire revenge th' obedient vassals vow;
+ With mighty targe, and basket-hilted knife,
+ Battle and blood decide the petty strife;
+ The namelings fight, because the lord commands,
+ And wild confusion rules th' ungovern'd lands!
+
+ The _hunter-tribes_, at first, wild beasts pursued,
+ And then to chase mankind they left the wood;
+ Became Banditti, Captains, Chieftains, Kings,
+ And Tyrants, by the natural course of things!
+
+ As he that ravaged most could rule the best,
+ So he grown King that first subdued the rest,
+ By fraud and force his _guilty power_ maintains,
+ Wheedles mankind to please themselves with chains,
+ With selfish Kingcraft calls it Right Divine,*
+ And subtle Priestcraft sanctifies his _line_.
+
+ *Priestcraft n. s. [priest and craft.] Religious frauds;
+ management of wicked priests to gain power.--Johnson.
+
+ Kingcraft n. s. [king and craft.] Royal frauds;
+ management of wicked kings to gain power.
+
+{151}
+
+ "Kings are as Gods."--Indeed!--why then they must
+ Like God be _sacred_,--but like God _be just_.
+
+ If in a King a vicious lust prevails,
+ The people see it, and the Godship fails. *
+
+ * The time has been when rulers have actually claimed the
+ title of _God's vicegerents,_ and have been literally
+ worshipped as gods by the servile crew of courtiers;--men
+ gradually bowed down by despotism from the erect port of
+ native dignity, and driven, by fear, to crouch under the
+ most degrading of all superstition, the political idolatry
+ of a base fellovv-creature.--After all the lan-guage of
+ court adulation, the praises of poets and oiators, the
+ statues and monuments erected to their fame, the malignant
+ consequences of their actions prove them to have been no
+ other than conspirators against the improvement and happi-
+ ness of the human race. What were their means of conduct-ing
+ their governments, of exercising this office of Heaven's
+ vicegerents? Crafty, dishonest arts, oppression, extortion,
+ and, above all, fire and sword. They dared to ape the
+ thunder and lightning of Heaven, and, assisted by the
+ machinations of the grand adversary of man, rendered their
+ imitative contrivances for destruction more terrible and
+ deadly than the original. Their imperial robe derived its
+ deep crimson colour from human blood; and the gold and
+ diamonds of their diadems were accumulated treasures wrung
+ from the famished bowels of the poor, born only to toil for
+ others, to be robbed, to be wounded, to be trodden under
+ foot, and forgotten in an early grave. How few, in com-
+ parison, have reached the age of three score and ten, and
+ yet, in the midst of youth and health, their days lifive
+ been full of labour and sorrow. Heaven's vicegerents seldom
+ bestowed a thought npon them, except when it was necessary
+ either to inveigle or to force them to take the sword and
+ march to slaughter. Where God caused the sun to shine gaily,
+ and scattered plenty over the land, his vicegerents diffused
+ famine and solitude. The valley, which laughed with corn,
+ they watered with the tear of artificial hunger and distress
+ ; the plain that was bright with verdure, and gay with
+ flowerets, they dyed red with gore. They operated on the
+ world as the blast of an east wind, as a pestilence, as a
+ deluge, as a conflagration.--It is an incontrovertible
+ axiom, that all who are born into tlie world, have a right
+ to be as happy in it as the un-avoidable evils of nature,
+ and their own disordered passions will allow. The gtand
+ object of all good government, of all govern-ment that is
+ not an usurpation, must be to promote this happi-ness, to
+ assist every individual in its attainment and security. A
+ government chiefly anxious about the emoluments of office,
+ chiefly employed in augmenting its own power, and
+ aggrandizing its obsequious instruments, while it neglects
+ the comfort and safety of individuals in middle or low life,
+ is despotic and a nui-sance. It is founded on folly as well
+ as wickedness, and, like the freaks of insanity, deals
+ mischief and misery around, without be-ing able to ascertain
+ or limit its extent and duration. If it should not be
+ punished as criminal, let it be cosrced as dangerous. --
+ Spirit of Despotism, p. 90.
+
+ The greatest curses any age have known
+ Have issued from the temple, or the throne;
+ Extent of ill from kings at first begins,
+ But priests must aid, and consecrate their sins.
+
+ The tortured subject might be heard complain,
+ When sinking nnder a new weight of chain,
+ Or more rebellious, might perhaps repine,
+ When tax'd to dow'r a titled concubine,
+ But the priest christens all a _Right Divine! _
+ _Hor. Walpole's Epistle from Florence._
+
+{152}
+
+ Talks he of 'sacred' _then_,--the man's a fool;
+ His high pretence a joke and ridicule;
+ Abandon'd to his crimes he soon will find
+ Himself abandon'd too, by all mankind;
+ With th' Assyrian Monarch turn'd to grass,
+ As much a Tyrant, and as much an ass!
+
+{153}
+
+ Externals take from _Majesty_, the rest
+ Is but--a thing at which we laugh--_a jest!_
+ Let us to Scripture History appeal,
+ And see what truths its ancient rolls reveal:--
+ That great authority which Tyrants boast,
+ As most confirming, will confound them most!
+ When Israel with unheard of murmurs first,
+ Pray'd to indulgent Heaven they might be curst,
+ Rejected God, scorn'd his Almighty rule,
+ And made themselves their children's ridicule,
+ A standing banter, future ages' jest,
+ As damn'd to slavery at their own request--
+ With what just arguments did Samuel plead,
+ Give them the Tyrant's character to read;
+ Explain the lust of an ungovern'd man,
+ Show them the danger, preach to them in vain;
+ Tell them the wretched things they'd quickly find,
+ Within the pleasing name of King combined;
+ Deign with their'wilder'd crowds t' expostulate,
+ And open all the dangers of their fate!--
+ Yet they sought ruin with unwearied pains,
+ And begg'd for fetters, slavery, and chains!
+
+ But, it's replied, heaven heard its suppliant's prayer,
+ Itself chose out the King, and plac'd him there;
+ Disown'd the People's right, and fix'd their choice
+ In providence, and not the people's voice;
+ From whence the claim of right by regal line,
+ Made Israel's Kings be Kings by Right Divine.
+
+ Yes, Saul was King by God's immediate hand--
+ But' _twas in judgment to afflict the land!_
+ In granting He corrected the request,
+ A king He gave them, but _withheld the rest;_
+
+{154}
+
+ Gave all that they pretended to require,
+ But in the gift he punish'd the desire;
+ He gave a plague, the very selfsame thing
+ They ask'd, when they petition'd for a King!
+
+ For 'tis remarkable when Samuel saw,
+ They'd have a King in spite of sense or law,
+ He told the consequences to the land,
+ And all the mischiefs that the Word contain'd;
+ Told them, that Kings were instruments design'd,
+ Not to improve, but to correct mankind!
+
+ Told them the Tyrant would insult their peace,
+ And plunder them of all their happiness!
+
+ Told them, that Kings were but exalted thieves,
+ Would rob men first, and then would make them slaves!
+
+ Then drew the picture of a monster crown'd,
+ Ask'd them, if such a villain could be found, *
+ Whether they'd like him, and their tribute bring?
+ They answer, Yes:--let such a man be King!
+
+ * It is remarkable, that a king scarcely ever exercised
+ tyran-nical power over the people, but it was mingled with
+ ungoverned vice in himself. Men of virtue and moderation
+ seldom, if ever, turn tyrants. Despotic rule gives the reins
+ to lust, and makes the errors of government, and the crimes
+ of life, mix together. It is the high road to cruelty and
+ brutalizing selfishness.--A king of France took out his
+ watch when he guessed that the axe was cutting off the head
+ of his favorite, and said; 'My dear friend must make a sad
+ figure just now!'--A hill in Richmond Park is still shewn as
+ remarkable for having been the station from whence Henry
+ VIII. eagerly looked out for the ascent of a rocket at
+ London, announcing to the impatient tyrant the precise
+ moment when one of his wives was suffering death on the
+ scaffold!
+
+ And is a Tyrant King your early choice?
+ "_Be Kings your plague!_" said the Eternal's voice;
+ And with this mighty curse he gave the crown,
+ And Saul, to Israel's terror, mounts the throne!
+ Now, Muse, the parallel with caution bring,
+ On what condition was this man their King?
+
+{155}
+
+ Tho' Heaven declar'd him, heaven itself set down
+ The sacred _Postulata_ of the crown;
+ Samuel examin'd first the high record,
+ Then dedicates the substance to the Lord.
+
+ This is the _coronation-oath_, the bond,
+ The steps on which the throne and kingdom stand;
+ For which, by future Kings unjustly broke,
+ God, and the People, mighty vengeance took! *
+
+ * Samuel told the people the manner of the kingdom, and
+ wrote it in a book and laid it up before the Lord. (1
+ Samuel, x. 25.) It is plain, the word manner signifies the
+ constitution of the government, or the conditiom on which
+ Saul was to be king, namely, according to justice and law;
+ and this is meant in frequent expressions, by going in and
+ out before them, referring to justice being executed in the
+ gates, and peace and war; the king was to lead them in one,
+ and direct in the other. This manner of the kingdom was told
+ to all the people, and that implied, that the consent of the
+ people was requisite to make him king, without which, though
+ Samuel had anointed him, he was not owned by the Israelites,
+ bnt went about his private affairs till after the victory
+ over the Ammonites. Then the manner of the kingdom was
+ written in a book--a token of its being a compact between
+ Saul and the people; and Samuel's laying it up before the
+ Lord, is equivalent to an oath recorded on both sides; for
+ it was there as a witness between the king and the people,
+ and served both as their oath of allegiance, and his oath of
+ government.--All this being done, what followed? All the
+ people went to Gilgal, and there they (mark the word) made
+ Saul king.--(l Samuel,i. 15.)
+
+{156}
+
+ Then mark the needful steps to make him King,
+ How sacred ends, concurring means must bring;
+ Not Samuel's ointment, not the mighty lot,
+ Could make him King, nor force his title out.
+
+ The people like not his mechanic race,
+ They see no greatness in his youthful face:--
+ "Is this the monarch shall our foes destroy,
+ Does heaven design to rule us by a _boy_?"
+
+ The flouting Rabbies cry! "We scorn to own,
+ A man that has no merit for a crown.
+ Our King must lead the glorious tribes to fight,
+ And chase the thousands of the Ammonite:
+ His pers'nal valour must our triumphs bring,
+ 'Tis such a man we want, and such a King."
+
+ Away they go, reject his government,
+ Not Heav'n's high choice could force their due consent!
+ Samuel submits, adjourns the strong debate,
+ Suspends the King he offered to create;
+ Owns _their dislike's a high material thing,
+ That their Consent alone could make him King!_
+
+ Why did not God displeasure then express,
+ Resent the slight, and punish their excess;
+ Extort obedience by express command,
+ And crown his choice by his immediate hand;
+ Destroy the Rebels with his blasting breath,
+ And punish early treason with their death;
+ With mighty thunders his new King proclaim,
+ And force the trembling tribes to do the same?
+
+ Because He knew it was the course of things,
+ And _Nature's law_, that men should _choose_ their Kings;
+ He knew the early dictate was his own,
+ That reason acted from himself alone.*
+
+ * It is alledged, that the vulgar are not capable of judging
+ coucerning principles of government; I answer, they are
+ then not capable of beiug guilty of transgression; for where
+ there is a want of capacity of judgment, there can be no
+ sin. This is a dangerous argument, my Lords, and exposes
+ government to the violence of every one who can overturn it
+ with impunity. You have no defence against any person in
+ this case who is resolute, except superior strength; for
+ the gallows will not frighten a man who is not conscious of
+ guilt, if he has any degree of natural fortitude. Try to
+ persuade the vulgar that there is any case in which they
+ cannot sin, and you will soon perceive what opera-tion it
+ will have upon them. But when you tell them they are not
+ judges of your manouvres of state, they will soon tell you
+ that they cannot transgress what they do not understand and
+ that you require of them more than the Deity requires of
+ them, or even supposes; for he requires no duty without
+ first allowing men to judge of his laws, and makes no laws
+ beyond the reach of their understandings.
+
+ _Sermons to Asses, ( Ministers qf State,)_ p. 57
+
+{157}
+
+ "'Tis just," says the Almighty Power, "and sense,"
+ (For _actions are the words of Providence_;
+ The mouth of consequences speaks aloud,
+ And Nature's language is the voice of God:
+ "'Tis just," says he, "the people should be shown,
+ The man that wears it, can deserve the crown.
+
+ Merit will make my choice appear so just,
+ They'll own him fit for the intended trust;
+ Confirm by reason my exalted choice,
+ And make him King by all the people's voice.
+
+{158}
+
+ Let Ammon's troops my people's tents invade,
+ And Israel's trembling sons, to fear betray'd,
+ Fly from th' advancing legions in the fright,
+ Till Jabesh' walls embrace the Ammonite;
+ I'll spirit Saul, and arm his soul for war,
+ The boy they scorn, shall in the field appear;
+ I'll teach the inexperienced youth to light,
+ And flesh him with the slaughter'd Ammonite.
+
+ The general suffrage then lie'll justly have
+ To rule the people he knows how to save;
+ Their willing voices all the tribes will bring,
+ And make my chosen hero be their King."
+
+ He speaks, and all the high events obey,
+ The mighty voice of Nature leads the way;
+ The troops of Ammon Israel's tents invade,
+ His mighty fighting sons, to fear betray'd,
+ Fly from th' advancing squadrons in the fright,
+ 'Till Jabesh' walls embrace the Ammonite.
+
+ Saul rouzes; God had arm'd his soul for war;
+ The boy they scored does in the field appear;
+ His pers'nal merit now bespeaks the throne,
+ He beats the enemy, and wears his crown.
+
+ The willing tribes their purchased suffrage bring,
+ Their universal voice proclaims him King.
+
+ As if Heaven's call had been before in vain,
+ Saul from this proper minute, dates his reign.
+
+ The text is plain, and proper to the thing,
+ Not GOD--but all The People made him King!
+
+ End of Book I.
+
+{159}
+
+
+
+THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS TO GOVERN WRONG.
+
+BOOK II.
+
+ The King is ours
+ T' administer, to guard, t' adorn the State,
+ But not to warp or change it.
+
+ Mark now the difference, ye that boast your love
+ Of kings, between your Loyalty and ours
+ Our love is principle, and has its root
+ In reason; is judicious, manly, free:
+ Yours, a blind instinct, crouches to the rod,
+ And licks the foot, that treads it in the dust.
+
+ _The Duty of Resistance to Tyrants--Law--Custom--
+ Packed Juries--The Custom of Kings to tyrannize--
+ The Custom of the People to dethrone them instanced in
+ James II.--Rehoboam--Royalty a trust._
+
+ Were I permitted to inspect the rolls,
+ Th' eternal archives, hid beyond the poles;
+ The cause of causes could I but survey,
+ And see how consequences there obey:
+ This should be first of all that I'd enquire,
+ And this to know, the bounds of my desire--
+ Why Justice reels beneath the blows of might,
+ And Usurpation sets her foot on right;
+ Why fame bestows her ill-deserv'd applause,
+ When outrage, triumphs over nature's laws;
+
+{160}
+
+ Why heaven permits the worst of men to rule,
+ And binds the wise man to obey the fool; *
+ Why its own thunder does not strike the crown,
+ And from the stools of pow'r thrust Tyrant? down;
+ Why it pursues the murd'rer's meaner crime,
+ But leaves exalted criminals to time.
+
+ * It is difficult to avoid laughing at the _extreme
+ ignorance of crowned heads_ themselves, in despotic
+ countries, wheu one contrasts it with the importance they
+ assume, and the pomp and splendour with which they transfer
+ their royal persons from place to place. The sight is truly
+ ludicrous. Are these the men, _occupied, as they usually
+ are, in the meanest trifles and the most degrading
+ pleasures,_ who tell us that the governmen over which they
+ preside, is a perfect system, and that the wisest
+ philosopher knows not how to govern mankind; that is, to
+ consult their happiness and security, so well as themselves,
+ neglected as they have been in youth, and corrupted in
+ manhood by panders to their vices, and flatterers of their
+ foibles, their pride, and their ambition? There is reason
+ to believe that _many kings in despotic kingdoms, have been
+ worse educated, and possess less abilities, than a common
+ charity-boy, trained in a parish school to read and write._
+ Spirit of Despotism. An Anecdote, containing the thoughts of
+ a Despot is a treat. It appears from the Emperor of Austria
+ heading the Holy Alliance against Naples with our money in
+ his pockets, as well as from a letter dated Laybach, 28th
+ January, 1821, that his Majesty has the _horrors._ The
+ letter states, that when the Professors of the Lyceum at
+ Laybach were presented to him, he made this nervous speech
+ :--"Gentlemen--The students of Carniola have always deserved
+ praise, (from which their progress in useful knowledge may
+ be inferred). Endeavour to preserve for them this good
+ character, (modern Boeotians). Remain ever faithful to what
+ is ancient, (Tyranny); for what is ancient is good, (he
+ means for himself); and onr ancestors (his Ancestors) ever
+ found it so. Why should it not be the same to us? (The
+ throne-men). People (tyrant-hater's) are occupied elsewhere
+ (at Naples) with new notions (principles of liberty), that I
+ (heigh Oh!) cannot approve, (cannot help); and never shall
+ approve, (Royal till death). From such notions (political
+ truth) preserve yourselves, (God preserve the Emperor);
+ attach yourselves to nothing bnt what is positive,
+ (Despotism). I do not want learned men (the students at
+ Copenhagen on the king's birth-day, January 2nd, 1821,
+ shouted "Vivat Rex the soldiers, not understanding Loyally
+ in Latin, and, supposing the students uttered seditious
+ cries, dispersed them with their sabres and hilled four:
+ ergo Steel is stronger than Latin). I want only loyal and
+ good subjects, (implicitly obedient slaves); and it is your
+ part to (become drill serjeants, and) form them (into line).
+ He who serves (implicitly obeys), will instruct, (that is--
+ keep the students stupid) according to my orders; and
+ whoever feels himself incapable of that, (non-instruction,)
+ and embraces novel ideas, (knowledge,) had better depart--or
+ I shall myself remove him, (by putting something into his
+ head!). This is a fine and perfect specimen of legitimate
+ mind; and here is another:--At the Museum of Bologna the
+ Professors of the University shewed this same Emperor one or
+ Sir Humphrey Davy's safety lamps, and informed him that the
+ Englishman its inventor, had, by his nnmerous discoveries,
+ produced a revolution in science. At the word revolution
+ the countenance of the Emperor changed; he rumped the
+ attendant, and said, the King of England would no doubt feel
+ the consequences of his condescension to his unruly
+ subjects; but, as to himself, he should take proper care
+ not to suffer any of his subjects to make revo-lutions!--
+ "_What is ancient is good._" Stick to that, Despots! Yonr
+ ancestors,'an please your Majesties, groped without safety
+ lamps --I pray that you may, till you be no more.
+
+{161}
+
+ Kings spurn at limitations, laws, and rules,
+ And rob mankind--because mankind are fools;
+ Wheedled to act against their common sense,
+ To jumble tyranny with providence;
+ To hope from God what God expects from them,
+ For what they ought to do, look up to Him;
+ Leave unperform'd the duties which they know,
+ And _lift up_ hands they should _employ_ below!
+ Christians must no more miracles expect,
+ The men that will be slaves, He'll not protect;
+ God never will our base petitions hear,
+ Till our endeavours supersede our prayer;
+ Not always then; but nation's may be sure,
+ The _willing_ bondage _ever_ shall endure.
+
+ They that would have His power to be their friend,
+ Must, with what power they have, their right defend.
+ The laws of God, God makes us understand,
+ The laws of Nature never countermand.
+
+ Nature prescribes, for'tis prescrib'd to sense,
+ Her first of laws to man--is self-defence.
+
+ This then is Law to man, from God on high,
+ _Resisting_ live--or _unresisting_ die!
+
+ He always works by means, and means he'll bless,
+ With approbation, often with success.
+
+ Nor prayers nor tears will revolutions make,
+ Tyrants pull down, or irksome bondage break;
+ 'Tis our own business; and He lets us know,
+ What is our business, he expects we'll do.
+
+ * God punishes bad kings and oppressors, as he does the rest
+ of mankind--through his instruments, The, People. It is the
+ only way by which he has ever made an example of tyrants as
+ a terror to others.
+
+ Tyrants sometimes in Revolutions fall,
+ Though their destruction's not design'd at all;
+ So hasty showers, when they from heav'n flow down,
+ Are sent to fructify, and not to drown;
+ And, in the torrent, if a drunkard sink,
+ 'Tis not the flood that drowns him, but the drink,
+ Yet who would say, because a sinner's slain,
+ For fear of drowning, we must have no rain.
+
+{163}
+
+ It's doubtful who live most unnatural lives,
+ The subject that his liberty survives,
+ Or kings that trample law and freedom down,
+ And make free justice truckle to the crown.
+
+ Law is the master-spring of government--
+ The only Right Ditine that heaven has sent, *
+ It forms the order of the world below,
+ And all our blessings from that order flow.
+
+ * The tyrant Henry VIII., by making himself the head of the
+ Church, clearly begat the Right Divine. The King could give
+ bishoprics, and the Bishops could give opinions. "Your
+ Majesty is the breath of our nostrils," said Bishop Neil to
+ James I., and speaking of himself and brethren as to worldly
+ advantages, he certainly spoke the truth. Before the Kings
+ of England were heads of the Church we heard little of
+ divine right, and some-times the Church itself was seen on
+ the side of freedom; since that time, never. The doctrine
+ in England, that the King can do no wrong, supposes the
+ positive responsibility of his Minis-ters. But, that it is a
+ dangerous licence of language, is wit-nessed iu a Right
+ Reverend exposition of this kingly privi-lege in regard to
+ Adultery. The Bishop leaped from political to moral
+ delinquency, with a casuistry worthy an admirer of the royal
+ power of translation. The Abbe de Choisy, a Priest of the
+ same school as the British Father in God, though not of the
+ same church, dedicated an edition of Thomas a Kempis, on the
+ 'Imitation of Christ' to Madame de Maintenon, a courtesan
+ and mistress to Louis XIV., prefixing this motto: "Hear oh!
+ daugh-ter, and consider, and incline thine ear; forget also
+ thine own people, and thy father's honse; _so shall the
+ King greatly desire thy beauty!_" Psa. xlv. 10,11.
+
+ The Court's a golden but a fatal circle,
+ Upon whose magic skirts a thousand devils
+ In crystal forms, sit tempting innocence,
+ And beckon early virtue from its ceutre.
+ Anon, quoted by Dr. Watts.
+
+{164}
+
+ Law is the life-blood of the social state;
+ Subordinate to law is magistrate,
+ To set the magistrate above the law,
+ Would all to error and confusion draw,
+ He's not a king that's not prescribed by laws--
+ King's, the effect, but government's the cause
+ Of all authority for Right Divine,
+ Custom's the worst, for every royal line.
+
+ The still-born Ignorance of antiquity,
+ Quirk'd into life to cozen freemen by,
+ Lawyers call Custom; and, for custom, draw
+ On custom still, to still call custom, _Law!_
+
+ So 'rules' the _Bench_, and so the maxim takes,
+ The fault one age commits, no age forsakes!
+
+ Begot by fools, maintain'd by knaves and fools,
+ Improved by craft in error's public schools;
+ With shifting face, with loose and stammering tongue,
+ The juggling fraud has plagued the world too long;
+ Modern encroachments on our freedom makes,
+ And backs it with our fathers' old mistakes:
+ As if our rev'rence, to their virtues due,
+ Should recommend their crimes and follies too!
+
+ This vapour Custom, this mere wand'ring cloud
+ Puffs the crown'd wretch, and helps to make him proud.
+ Persuades him to believe it must be true,
+ Homage to Law, becomes the _Tyrant's_ due!
+
+{165}
+
+ Thus Priestcraft preaches, and thus Lawyers draw
+ An after age, to call a custom--Law!
+
+ And yet this boasted, ever-quoted thing,
+ Fails in the point--fails to support the king:
+ For though by custom, kings have learn'd to ride
+ A few vile minions, to support their pride,
+ The people always have opposed the cheat,
+ It never was their custom to submit;
+ The Practice of the people made the name,
+ For practices and customs are the same;
+ And custom this one mighty truth will tell,
+ When kings grow tyrants, nations will rebel.
+
+ The people may, for custom gives assent,
+ Dethrone the man, to save the Government!
+ If any say the practice is not so,
+ Let them to England for examples go.
+
+ England the Right Divine of kings profess'd *
+ And all the marks of slavery caress'd;
+ Long courted chains, but'twas in court disguise,
+ And holy fraud conceal'd the sacred lies--
+
+ * Sir Robert Filmer, the great champion of Divine Right
+ having defended it in print, Algernon Sidney drew out a
+ system of original power, and government according to the
+ laws of God, nature, and reason. Before it was finished, the
+ friends of Divine Right seized the manuscript, and finding
+ Sidney's arguments un-answerable, they laid aside the work,
+ and fell upon the man; --so they cut off his head, merely
+ because they could not an-swer his book.
+
+ The Church the mountebank, the King the jest,
+ The _wheedled monarch_, and the _wheedling priest!_
+ James proved the patient, crouching, loyal tribe,
+ But let his fate their loyalty describe!
+
+{166}
+
+ With life-and-fortune, churchmen back'd the crown, *
+ In crushing all men's freedom but their own.
+
+ * A Courtier's loyalty is charmingly pictured in the
+ portrait of Bubb Doddington, drawn by himself in his
+ celebrated Diary. He was by trade a Boroughmonger, and his
+ stock, consisted of six Members in the House of Commons,
+ which he jobbed about and sold to the best bidder. At the
+ close of his bargain and sale of the whole in a lump to the
+ Duke of Newcastle for the king's service, there is a finish
+ which renders the painting a fiue and matchless Cabinet
+ specimen.--Bubb, who had been in disgrace at court for
+ selling them elsewhere, said to tlie duke, "I knew I had
+ given no just cause of offence, but that I could not justify
+ it with His Majesty; that it was enough that He (the king)
+ was displeased, to make me think that I was in the wrong,
+ and to beg Him to forget it: I would not even be in the
+ right against HIM!" The duke was delighted with this loyal
+ and dutiful submission. Bubb says, "He took me up in his
+ arms, and kissed me twice!" and Bubb was rewarded for
+ laying his six members of the honorable house at the foot of
+ the throne with the price he stipulated for--namely, the
+ treasurership of the navy, and a peerage! The story was
+ beautifully and most impressively related by the excellent-
+ hearted and inflexible John Hunt, in his noble and
+ successful defence, on the trial of an ex officio
+ information for words in the Examiner charged not as false,
+ but as libellous on the Honorable House.
+
+ Then, under colour or pretence of law,
+ Villains their victims to the shambles draw,
+ Where sat the scoundrel Chief in ermined pride,
+ And a pack'd jury in the box beside.
+
+ The farce commences--justice heaves a groan--
+ The case is clear--a verdict for the Crown!
+
+ When noble Russell and brave Sidney fell,
+ Judges themselves rung, out Law's funeral knell!
+
+{167}
+
+ Yet when their own destruction they foresaw,
+ The passive knaves cried Liberty and Law!
+
+ Took from their best of Kings his Right Divine,
+ And abrogated fealty to the line;
+ They made a precedent, dropp'd T from TReason,
+ And found the best of words behind it--reason!
+
+ The crown's a symbol, that the people meant,
+ To mark their choice, or form of government; *
+ The crown is theirs, and this has been their plan,
+ To make the office sacred, not the man:
+ Hence, if a tyrant on the throne appears,
+ The place is vacant, and the crown is theirs.
+
+ * All Majesty is derived from Law founded on right reason. A
+ strength beyond that is mere force. The Magistrate formerly
+ had no Majesty but while engaged in magisterial duties. His
+ real dignity consisting in his legal authority.
+
+ When the ancient parliaments of France met according to the
+ constitution annually, the king went to meet the members
+ seated in a waggon drawn by oxen, which a waggoner drove
+ with his goad to the parliament house; but he was in no
+ state until he was seated there, robed and crowned, and
+ sceptred. And, in-deed, in that place only, where the great
+ affairs of the Com-monwealth are transacted, can it be said,
+ that Real Majesty does truly and properly reside; and not
+ where the king plays, or dances, or prattles with his women,
+ when the vulgar are always styling him, your Majesty.
+
+ Hotomun's Franco-gallia, p. 73.
+
+ David, the patient tribes too much opprest,
+ Vex'd them with tribute, and deny'd them rest;
+ Harass'd the land with imposts and alarms,
+ Taxing and fighting--money! and to arms!
+
+{168}
+
+ His son, however wise, disturbed their peace,
+ With taxes for his sumptuous palaces;
+ His love of women and his garish state,
+ His love of pomp and show, and looking great;
+ His building projects, and his vast designs,
+ Too vast for all the gold of Ophir's mines,
+ The people's hearts dismay'd, their feelings pain'd,
+ Their love unsettled, and their treasures drain'd. *
+
+ * Solomon could have but two occasions for money; one for
+ his costly buildings, the other for his numerous women, for
+ he never had any wars. To the expense of his buildings the
+ kings of other countries contributed largely; so that it
+ must have beeu his excesses in women, and other luxurious
+ indulgences, that caused him to oppress the people with
+ heavy burdens of taxes.
+
+ By two such' vigorous monarchs long opprest,
+ The next that came they loyally addrest;
+ Implored his gracious majesty would please
+ To tax them less, and let them live in peace.
+
+ The son of Solomon with anger hears
+ The people dare to offer him their pray'rs,
+ Spurns their Address, his rage no bounds restrain,
+ And thus he gives his answer with disdain:--
+
+ "I bear from Heaven the ensigns of my sway,
+ My business is to rule, and your's obey:
+ Therefore your scandalous Address withdraw,
+ 'Tis my command, and my command's your law:
+ Sedition grows from seeds of discontent,
+ And faction always snarls at government:
+ But since my throne from God alone I hold,
+ To Him alone my councils I unfold;
+ My resolutions he has made your laws,
+ You are to know my actions, He the cause!
+
+{169}
+
+ Wherefore I stoop, to let you understand,
+ I double all the taxes of the land.
+
+ And if your discontents and feuds remain,
+ Petition--and I'll double them again!
+
+ The mild correction which my Father gave,
+ Has spoil'd the people he design'd to save;
+ You murmur'd then, but had you thus been used,
+ You'd ne'er his easy clemency abused!"
+
+ The injured people, treated with disdain,
+ Found their Petitions and Addresses vain!
+
+ Long had they made submissions to the crown,
+ And long the love of Liberty had known;
+ The kings they ask'd of God had let them see,
+ What God himself foretold of tyranny.
+
+ The father had exhausted all their stores,
+ With costlyhouses, and more costly whores;
+ But doubly robb'd by his encroaching son,
+ They rather chose to die, than be undone;
+ And, thus resolving, by a single stroke,
+ Ten tribes revolted, and their bondage broke!
+
+ The tyrant, in his sceptred bloated pride,
+ Believing God and blood upon his side;
+ To the high altar in a rage repairs,
+ And rather tells his tale, than makes his prayers: *
+
+ * The author has taken a poetical licence here. For
+ scripture does not say that Rehoboam prayed to the Lord.
+
+ "Behold!" says he, "the slaves, o'er whom I reign,
+ Have made the pow'r I had from Thee in vain;
+ From thy diviner rule they separate,
+ And make large schisms both in Church and State;
+ My just intentions are, with all my force,
+ To check rebellion in its earliest course;
+ Revenge th' affronts of my insulted throne,
+ And save thy injured honour, and my own;
+ And as thy counsels did my fathers bless,
+ He claims thy help, who does their crown possess!"
+
+{170}
+
+ Listen ye kings, ye people all rejoice,
+ And hear the answer of th' Almighty voice:
+ Tremble, ye tyrants, read the high commands,
+ In sacred writ the sacred sentence stands!
+
+ "_Stir not afoot!_ thy new-rais'd troops disband!"
+ Says the Eternal;--"it is my command!
+
+ I raised thy fathers to the Hebrew throne,
+ I set it up, but you yourselves pull down!
+ For when to them I Israel's sceptre gave,
+ 'Twas not my chosen people to enslave.
+
+ My first command no such commission brings,
+ I made no tyrants, though I made you kings;
+ But you my people vilely have opprest,
+ And misapplied the powers which you possest.
+ 'Tis Nature's laws the people now direct,
+ When Nature speaks, I never contradict.
+
+ Draw not the sword, thy brethren to destroy,
+ The liberty they have, they may enjoy;
+ I ever purposed, and I yet intend,
+ That what they may enjoy, they may defend;
+ They have deserted from a misused throne,
+ "The thing's from Me"--the crime is all thy own!"*
+
+ * When the ten tribes revolted from Rehoboam, and chose Je-
+ roboam king, there is no doubt they limited him by law; for
+ many years afterwards king Aliab, one of his succcssors,
+ admring a herb-garden near to his own palace, applied to the
+ owner, Naboth, and offered him either a vineyard for it, or
+ the worth of it in money; but Naboth would neither exchange
+ nor sell it, and Ahab returned home so vexed, that he went
+ to bed and would not eat any thing. Naboth having thus
+ displeased the king, the courtiers got up a charge of
+ Blasphemy and Sedition against him by means of false
+ wituesses hired on purpose; he was found guilty and
+ executed, and Ahab got possession of the garden, probably as
+ a forfeiture to the crown. It is clear, therefore, that
+ Ahab's power was restrained by law, for it was not until
+ Nabot was murdered _under the forms of law_, that the king
+ could get the poor man's property. Another thing is very
+ remarkable: as soon as the murder was completed, and the
+ king had got the garden, there was an honest Father in God,
+ who, instead of saying 'the king could do no wrong,' went to
+ his majesty, charged him with the crime, and denounced his
+ downfall, which happened accordingly, through his listening
+ to flattering ecclesiastics, and his fondness for military
+ affairs. If the Bishop of London should desire to preach on
+ this story, he is informed that he may find it in the Bible,
+ 1 Kings, xxi.
+
+{171}
+
+ If kings no more be flatter'd and deceived,
+ Nor shun too late, the knaves they have believed;
+ If as 'trustees for uses' they agree
+ To act by limited authority;
+ Subordination will its order keep,
+ Ambition die, and all rebellion sleep.
+
+ The weeping nations shall begin to laugh,
+ The subjects easy, and the rulers safe.
+
+ Plenty and peace embrace just government,
+ The king be pleased, the people be content.
+
+ If any king is hoodwink'd to believe,
+ People will blind obedience to him give;
+ Let him pause long, before he dares to try,
+ They all by practice give their words the lie! *
+
+ * Flattery is a fine picklock of tender ears; especially of
+ those whom fortune hath borne high upon their wings, that
+ submit their dignity and authority to it, by a soothing of
+ themselves. For, indeed, men could never he taken in that
+ abundance with the springes of others' flattery, if they
+ began not there; if they did but remember how much more
+ profitable the bitterness of truth were than all the honey
+ distilling from a whorish voice, which is not praise but
+ poison. But now it is come to that extreme of folly, or
+ rather madness, with some, that he that flatters them mo-
+ destly, or sparingly, is thought to malign them.
+
+ Ben Jonson.
+
+ The ears of kings are so tiugled with a continual uniform
+ ap-probation, that they have scarce any knowledge of true
+ praise. Have they to do with the greatest fool of all their
+ subjects--they have no way to take advantage of him: by the
+ flatterer saying, "It is because he is my king," he thinks
+ he has said enough to imply that he therefore suffered
+ himself to be over-come. This quality stifles and confuses
+ the other true and es-sential qualities which are sunk deep
+ in the kingship.
+
+ Montaigne.
+
+{172}
+
+ Art may by mighty dams keep out the tide,
+ Check the strong current, and its streams divide;
+ Pen up the rising waters, and deny
+ The easy waves to glide in silence by:
+ But if the river is restrain'd too long,
+ It swells in silence to resent the wrong;
+ With fearful force breaks opposition down,
+ And claims its native freedom for its own.
+
+ So Tyranny may govern for a time,
+ Till Nature drowns the tyrants with their crime!
+
+ End of Book II.
+
+{173}
+
+
+
+THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS TO GOVERN WRONG.
+
+BOOK III.
+
+ ----Nations would do well
+ T' extort their truncheons from the puny hands
+ Of Heroes, whose infirm and baby minds
+ Are gratified with mischief; and who spoil,
+ Because men suffer it, their Toy--The World.
+
+_Tyrants deposed to preserve the Throne--In Europe--In England before
+the Conquest--By each other since.--No right line any where--Difference
+between Tyrants and Kings--Government instituted by the People for their
+oivn good--Tyrants treat men as cattle to be slaughtered--God decrees
+their fall--Ordains Revolutions by the People._
+
+ Search we the long records of ages past,
+ Look back as far as antient rolls will last;
+ Beyond what oldest history relates,
+ While kings had people, people magistrates;
+ Nations, e'er since there has been king or crown,
+ Have pull'd down tyrants to preserve the throne.
+
+ The laws of nature then, as still they do,
+ Taught them, their rights and safety to pursue;
+ That if a king, who should protect, destroys,
+ He forfeits all the sanction he enjoys.
+
+{174}
+
+ There's not a nation ever own'd a crown,
+ But if their kings opprest them, pull'd them down;
+ Concurring Providence has been content,
+ And always blest the action in th' event.
+
+ He that, invested with the robes of power,
+ Thinks'tis his right the people to devour,
+ Will always find some stubborn men remain,
+ That have so little wit, they won't be slain;
+ Who always turn again when they're opprest,
+ And basely spoil the gay tyrannic jest;
+ Tell kings--of Nature, Laws of God, and Right,
+ Take up their arms, and with their tyrants fight.
+
+ When passive thousands fall beneath the sword,
+ And freely die at the imperial word,
+ A stern, unyielding, self-defending few,
+ While they resist, will ravel all the clew;
+ Will all the engines of oppression awe,
+ And trample pow'r beneath the feet of law.
+
+ 'Tis always natural for men opprest,
+ Whene'er occasion offers to resist;
+ They're traitors else to truth and common sense,
+ And rebels to the laws of Providence;
+ 'Tis not enough to say, they _may_--they _must_;
+ The strong necessity declares it just; *
+ 'Tis Heav'n's supreme command to man, and they
+ Are always blest who that command obey.
+
+ * If it be asked, Who shall be judge? it is plain that God
+ has made Nature judge. If a king make a law, destructive of
+ human society and the general good, may it not be resisted
+ and opposed? "No!" exclaim a junta of holy meu, "it is from
+ GOD!" What is _Blasphemy?_
+
+{175}
+
+ So France deposed the Merovingian line,
+ And banish'd Childrick * lost the right divine;
+ So Holy League their sacred Henry ** slew,
+ And call'd a counsel to erect a new;
+ For right divine must still to justice bow,
+ And people first the right to rule bestow:
+
+ So Spain to arbitrary kings inured,
+ Yet arbitrary Favila *** abjured;
+ Denmark four kings deposed, and Poland seven,
+ Swedeland but one-and-twenty, Spain eleven:
+ Russia, Demetrius banish'd from the throne,****
+ And Portugal pull'd young Alphonsus down;
+ Each nation that deserves the name of state,
+ Has set up laws above the magistrate;
+ Hence, when a self-advancing wretch acquires
+ A lawless rule, his government expires.
+
+ * Childeric I. the son of Merovius, for his lasciviousness,
+ was banished by the great men, and one Egidiu?, a Gaul, set
+ up in his stead. Childeiic II. was banished and deposed by
+ his subjects, and king Pepin reigned in his stead; and so
+ ended the Merovingian family.
+
+ ** The League deposed Henry III. and declared him a tyrant,
+ a murderer, and incapable to reign, and held frequent
+ counsels with the pope's legate and the Spaniards about
+ settling the crown, and several proposals were made of
+ settling it, sometimes on the infanta of Spain, at other
+ times on the cardinal of Boubon, the duke de Main, and
+ others.
+
+ *** Favila, a cruel tyrant, was deposed by the Castilians,
+ who chose judges to administer the government, till they
+ appointed another.
+
+ **** Besides the banishment of Demetrius, the History of
+ Russia furnishes a sickening catalogue of the butchery of
+ her despots by each other. During the debate in the House of
+ Lords on the 19th of February, 1821, Lord Holland, observing
+ on the Crusade of the Holy Alliance of Despots against
+ Naples, said, "That objections to the freedom of political
+ constitutions came but ungracefully from the reigning
+ Emperor of Russia, who ascended a throne reeking with the
+ blood of his own father: and as this member of that holy
+ league, owed his crown to the murder of his father, it
+ brought to his recollection, that since the time of the Czar
+ Peter I. no sovereign had ascended the throne of Russia
+ with-out its being stained with the blood of his immediate
+ predecessor, or some other member of his own family."
+
+{176}
+
+ Explore the past, the steps of monarchs tread,
+ And view the sacred titles of the dead;
+ Look to the early kings of Britain's isle,
+ For _Jus Divinum_ in our _native_ style.
+
+ Conquest, or compacts, form the rights of kings,
+ And both are human, both unsettled things;
+ Both subject to contingencies of fate,
+ And so the godship of them proves a cheat.
+
+ The crowns and thrones the greatest monarchs have,
+ Were either stolen, or the people gave.
+
+ What claim had colonel Cnute, * or captain Suene?
+ What right the roving Saxon, pirate Dane?
+ Hengist, or Horsa, Woden's blood defied,
+ And on their sword, not right divine, relied.
+
+ * The leaders of the invading Saxons and Danes were mere
+ thieves and robbers, pretending to no light but that of the
+ sword. Hengist and Horsa were Saxon leaders, who after
+ conquering Kent, made themselves kings. Woden is famed to be
+ the first great leader of the Goths into Europe, and all
+ their kings affected to be thought of his predatory blood.
+
+{177}
+
+ The Norman Bastard, how divine his call!
+ And where's his heav'nly high original?
+ These naked nations, long a helpless prey,
+ To foreign and domestic tyranny;--
+ Their infant strength unfit to guard their name--
+ Was left exposed to ev'ry robber's claim,
+ An open prey to pirates, and the isle,
+ To wild invaders, grew an early spoil.
+
+ The Romans ravaged long our wealthy coast,
+ And long our plains fed Caesar's num'rous host.
+
+ What birthright raised that rav'nous leader's name?
+ His sword, and not his fam'ly, form'd his claim.
+
+ Where'er the Roman eagles spread their wings,
+ They conquer'd nations, and they pull'd down kings;
+ Caesar in triumph o'er the whole presided,
+ And right of conquest half the world divided.
+
+ For Liberty our sires in arms appear'd,
+ And in its sacred name with courage warr'd;
+ Made the invaders buy their conquest dear,
+ And legions of their bones lie buried here. *
+
+ * The hillocks or barrows still remaining in most parts of
+ Eng-land were the graves of the soldiers. There are four
+ very large ones near Stevenage in Hertfordshire, close to
+ the road. The plains in Wiltshire and Dorsetshire are full
+ of these monuments of the valorous achievements of the
+ Britons iu defence of their liberty.
+
+ When these their work of slaughter had fulfill'd,
+ And seas of British blood bedew'd the field;
+ Shoals of Barbarian Goths, worse thieves than they,
+ From Caledonian Friths, and frozen Tay,
+ O'erspread the fruitful, now abandon'd plains,
+ And led the captured victims in their chains:
+ The weaken'd natives, helpless and distrest,
+ Doom'd to be plunder'd, ravish'd, and oppress'd,
+ Employ new thieves from the rude Northern coast,
+ To rob them of the little not yet lost.
+
+{178}
+
+ The work once done, the workmen, to be paid,
+ Only demand themselves, and all they had!
+ In dreadful strife their freedom to maintain,
+ They fought with fury, but they fought in vain;
+ Yet, like Antaeus, every time they fell,
+ Their veins with rage and indignation swell;
+ Not for continued losses they despair,
+ But for still fiercer battle they prepare;
+ Again their blood the Saxon chariots stains,
+ And heaps of heroes strew th' ensanguin'd plains;
+ Thus, though they leave the world, they keep the field,
+ And thus their lives, but not their freedom yield.
+
+ Three hundred years of bloody contest past,
+ Plunder'd at first, and dispossest at last,
+ The few remains, with freedom still inspir'd,
+ To Western mountains, to resist retired;
+ Their dear abandon'd country thence they view,
+ And thence their thirst of Liberty renew;
+ Offers of peaceful bondage they defy,
+ What's peace to man without his liberty? *
+
+ * The Britons fought one hundred and sixty-three pitched
+ bat-tles. They might well be said to be conquered, for in
+ these prodigious straggles for their liberty they were
+ nearly all slain. They fought as long as there were any men
+ to be raised? but the Saxons swarming continually over from
+ vastly populous countries, the few Britons that remained,
+ took sanctuary in the wes-tern mountains of Wales, and from
+ the crags and cliffs, poor and distrest as they were, they
+ made constant inroads and excursions upon the Saxons; the
+ Saxon Annals are filled with accounts of the renewed
+ warfare. Even the English histories frequently mention the
+ incursions of the Welsh, till, at last, united to England,
+ they seem to be incorporated with the natives of their
+ ancient soil.
+
+{179}
+
+ The conquer'd nation--fell a dear bought prey,
+ And Britain's island, _Saxon_ Lords obey:
+ The shouting troops their victories proclaim,
+ And load their chiefs with royalty and fame:
+ The garland of their triumphs was their crown,
+ Mob set them up, and rabble pull'd them down!
+
+ Fighting was all the merit they could bring,
+ The bloodiest wretch appear'd the bravest King!
+ Nor did his kingship any longer last,
+ Than till by some more powerful rogue displaced.
+ In spoil and blood was fix'd the right divine.
+ And thus commenced the royal Saxon line:--
+
+ That sword that vanquish'd innocence in fight,
+ The sword that crush'd the banish'd Britons' right,
+ At pleasure subdivides the British crown,
+ And forms eight soldier kingdoms out of one.
+
+ From these we strive to date our royal line,
+ And these must help us to a right divine;
+ From actions buried in eternal night,
+ Priestcraft is brought, to fix the fancied right;
+ Priestcraft that, always on the strongest side,
+ Contrives, tho' kings should walk, that priests shall ride.
+
+ One master thief his fellows dispossest,
+ And gave, once more, the weeping nation rest;
+ For Egbert, * English monarchy began,
+ By his Almighty-sword--the Sacred man!
+
+ * Egbert came over originally from France, and was not the
+ successor of any prince of the West Saxon kingdom, nor of
+ any kingdom.
+
+{180}
+
+ Yet who was Egbert? Search his ancient breed;
+ What sacred ancestors did he succeed?
+ What mighty princes form'd his royal line,
+ And handed down to him the right divine?
+
+ A high-Dutch trooper, sent abroad to fight,
+ Whose trade was blood, and in his arm his right:
+ A supernumerary Holsteineer, *
+ For want of room at home, sent out to war;
+ A mere Swiss** mercenary, who for bread,
+ Was born on purpose to be knock'd in head;
+ A Saxon soldier was his high descent,
+ Murder his business, plunder his intent;
+ The poor unvalued, despicable thing,
+ A thief by nation, and by fate a king!
+
+ * The Saxons that came over were from Jutland, Holstein, &c.
+ The poor countries the Saxons lived in, being unable to
+ support the vast numbers of the people they produced, they
+ sought subsistence and habitations in fruitful and plentiful
+ lands.
+
+ ** A Swiss, alludes to their being mercenaries.
+
+ To-day the monarch glories in his crown,
+ A soldier thief to-morrow knocks him down,
+ And calls the fancied right divine his own!
+
+ In the next age that 'rightful' Lord's forgot,
+ And rampant treason triumphs on the spot:
+ Success gives title, makes possession just,
+ For if the fates obey, the subjects must.
+
+ We should be last of all that should pretend,
+ The long descent of princes to defend;
+ Since, if hereditary right's the claim,
+ The English line has forty times been lame;
+ Of all the nations in the world, there's none
+ Have less of true succession in their crown.
+
+{181}
+
+ Britannia now, with men of blood opprest,
+ And all her race of tyrants lately ceased;
+ Ill fate prevailing, seeks at foreign shores,
+ And for worse monsters, ignorantly implores.
+
+ The right divine was so despised a thing,
+ The crown went out a begging for a king
+ Of foreign breed, of unrelated race,
+ Whore in his scutcheon, tyrant in his face j
+ Of spurious birth, and intermingled blood,
+ Who nor our laws nor language understood.
+
+ William the early summons soon obeys,
+ Ambition fills his sails, his fleets the seas;
+ By cruel hopes, and fatal valour sped,
+ The foreign legions Britain's shores o'erspread:
+ The sword decides the claim, the land's the prey,
+ Fated the conquering tyrant to obey.
+
+ Harold by usurpation gain'd the crown, *
+ And ditto usurpation pull'd him down.
+ Nothing but patience then could Britain claim;
+ Oppress'd by suff'ring, suff'ring made her tame:
+ She saw the tyrant William quit the throne,
+ And hoped for better usage from his son;
+ But change of tyrants gave her small relief,
+ She lost the lion, and receiv'd the thief.
+
+ * Harold seized upon the crown by force. He had no claim to
+ it, by blood or inheritance, being the son of Earl Goodwin.
+
+ Rufus, his father's ill got treasure seized,
+ The greedy sons of mother-church appeased;
+ Bought up rebellion with the cash he stole,
+ Secured the Clergy, and seduced the whole.
+
+ So brib'ry first with robbery combined
+ To ride before, and treason rode behind.
+
+{182}
+
+ Ambition, and the lust of rule prevail'd,
+ And Robert's right, on Rufus' head entail'd. *
+
+ Beau-Clerk next grasp'd his elder brother's crown,
+ And, by his sword, maintain'd it was his own:
+ The second ** Henry fights, and fighting treats,
+ To own the prince's title he defeats;
+ Consents to mean conclusions of the war,
+ And stoops to be a base usurper's heir;
+ Accepts the ignominious grant, and shows
+ His right's as bad as Stephen's that bestows:
+ The royal tricksters thus divide the prey,
+ And helpless crowds the jugglers' swords obey. ***
+
+ Then John, **** another branch of Henry's line,
+ Jumps on the throne, in spite of Right Divine,
+ Turn we to mighty Edward's deathless name;
+ Or to his son's, whose conquests were the same;
+ That mighty hero of right royal race,
+ His father still alive, usurp'd his place. (v)
+
+ * They were both usurpers, for the true right of descent was
+ in Edgar Atheling. of the race of Edmund Ironside.
+
+ ** Henry II. was obliged to compromise the dispute with his
+ competitor Stephen; a prudent agreement, but in defiance of
+ hereditary right.
+
+ *** As at the death of Henry I. the main line of Normandy
+ ended, so the succession has ever since proved so brittle,
+ that it never held to the third heir in a right descent
+ without being put by, or receiving some alteration by
+ usurpation, or extinction of the male blood.--Churchill's
+ Divi Britannici, p. 207.
+
+ **** King John was the youngest son of Henry II., who had
+ his eldest line deposed. Henry was the son of a usurper, a
+ usurper himself, and the murderer of his own brother's son.
+
+ (v) Edward III. reigned, his father, Edward II. being a
+ prisoner, and was afterwards murdered.
+
+{183}
+
+ As Edward on his parent's murder stood,
+ So Richard's tyrant reign was closed in blood:
+ Deposed and murder'd, Edward's father lies;
+ Deposed and murder'd--thus the grandson * dies.
+
+ Lancastrian Henry from his feeble head,
+ The bauble wrench'd, and wore it in his stead;
+ Three of his name by due succession reign,
+ And York demands the right of line in vain.
+
+ Thro' seas of slaughter, for this carnaged crown
+ Edward, not went, but waded to the throne **
+ Three times deposed, three times restored by force,
+ Priest-ridden Henry's title*** yields of course.
+
+ Short lived the right the conquering king enjoy'd,
+ Treason and crime his new-crown'd race destroy'd;
+ As if the crimson hand of Power pursued
+ The very crown, and fated it to blood,
+ Richard by lust of government allured,
+ By double murders, next that crown procured;
+ For silent records trumpet-tongued proclaim
+ The jails and graves of princes are the same.
+
+ At Bosworth field, the crookback was dethroned;
+ Slain in the fight, and then the victor own'd! ****
+
+ * Richard II.
+
+ ** Edward IV.
+
+ *** Henry VI.
+
+ **** Richard III. was succeeded by Henry VII. who had
+ clearly no claim to the crown from blood. After him it still
+ devolved with irregularity, although uuder the Tudors, the
+ doctrine of hereditary right was as vaguely maintained as
+ before. Thus, a Parliament granted to Henry VIII. the power
+ of regulating the succession by will, and it was by
+ pretending to exercise a similar power under an alleged will
+ of Edward VI. that the unprincipled Northumberland sought
+ the establishment of Lady Jane Grey. Elizabeth, on the same
+ ground, was importuned to appoint a suc-cessor, at
+ intervals, during the last twenty years of her reign; and
+ finally, named the King of Scotland in her last moments.
+ These are strange incidents for the advocates of Divine
+ Right! The fact is, this wretched theory was never formally
+ advocated until the days of James I.; and it may be
+ considered to be one of the precions fruits of that settled
+ connexion between Church and State, of which the Despot,
+ Henry VIII., laid the foun-dation. Yet no Despot ever
+ supported himself steadily on an English throne; and what is
+ there to prove, that such men ever can? Look at King
+ Richard II., he was a finished gentle-man, possessed some
+ taste for literature, and shewed himself as. fond of finery
+ as need be; but he waged war with the common sense of the
+ realm and the rights of the people,--and finally, by
+ entrusting his power to weak, inefficient, and corrupt
+ ministers, roused the anger of a distressed and overtaxed
+ community. Moral--They were beheaded, and he was dethroned.
+
+{184}
+
+ So men of blood, incited by its taste,
+ By lust of rule urged on, laid England waste;
+ Oppression then upon oppression grew,
+ One royal wretch another overthrew;
+ They made a football of the People's crown,
+ And brother-tyrant brother-king pull'd down,
+ Succeeding robberies revenged the past,
+ And every age of crime outdid the last.
+
+ Look on once more--the tangled line survey,
+ By which kings claim to bind men to obey.
+
+ In the right line they say their title lies:
+ But if its twisted?--then the title dies.
+ Look at it!--knotted, spliced in every place!
+ Closely survey the intersected race--
+ So full of violations, such a brood.
+
+ Of false successions, spurious births, and blood;
+ Such perjuries, such frauds, to mount a throne,
+ That Kings might blush their ancestors to own!
+
+{185}
+
+ Oh! but Possession supersedes the Line!
+
+ Indeed!--then king, as king, has Right Divine;
+ And, coy Succession fled from majesty,
+ Makes Usurpation as divine as he;
+ _De Facto is de Jure_, and a throne,
+ To every dog that steals it is his bone!
+
+ Hence tyrants--and from these infected springs,
+ Flows the best title of _the Best of Kings!_ *
+
+ * The Best of Kings (Court slang) the King for the time
+ being.--Many a king has been the worst man of his age, but
+ no king was ever the best. In 1683, the very year of Charles
+ the Second's reign, in which Lord William Russel and
+ Algernon Sydney were murdered under the forms of law, by
+ packed juries, and the king's passive obedient judges--when
+ the throne floated in blood, and the king's manners were
+ notoriously and disgust-ingly sensual and dissolute--in that
+ year, J. Shnrley, M. A. in his 'Ecclesiastical History
+ Epitomised,' gives Charles the title of "the best of kings!"
+ calls his life and reign virtuous! and prays that his days
+ may be as the days of Heaven!--This loyal author calls
+ himself, The Christian reader's "beloved Brother in Christ!"
+ Of the same king, Charles II., Horace Walpole (Lord Orford)
+ gives this character in his Epistle from Florence:--
+ (Dodsley's Collection, vol. iii. p. 92.)
+
+ Fortune, or fair, or frowning, on his soul
+ Could stamp no virtue, and no vice controul!
+
+ Honour or morals, gratitude or truth,
+ Nor taught his ripen'd age, nor knew his youth!
+
+ The care of nations left to whores or chance,
+ Plund'rer of Britain, pensioner of France;
+ Free to buffoons, to ministers denied,
+ He lived an atheist, and a bigot died!
+
+ All kings have parasites and praise; the Press records their
+ actions; and Posterity gives their characters.
+
+{086}
+
+ _Right of Succession_, or what other claim
+ Of right to rule, by whatsoever name
+ Or title call'd, by whomsoever urged,
+ Is in the people's right of choosing merged.
+
+ The right's the People's, and the People's choice
+ Binds kings in duty to obey their voice;
+ The Public Will, the only Right Divine,
+ Sanctions the office, or divides the line;
+ Topples the crown from off the tyrant's head,
+ And puts a king to govern in his stead.
+
+ Tyrant and king are vastly different things--
+ We're robb'd by tyrants, but obey'd by kings!
+
+ If it be ask'd, how the distinction's known,
+ Oppression marks him out--the nations groan,
+ The broken laws, the cries of injur'd blood,
+ Are languages by all men understood! *
+
+ * Tyrants lose all respect for humanity, in proportion as
+ they are sunk beneath it; taught to believe themselves of
+ a different species, they really become so; lose their
+ participation with their kind; and, in mimicking the God,
+ dwindle into the brute! Blind with prejudices as a mole,
+ stung with truth as with scorpions, sore all over with
+ wounded pride like a boil, their minds a heap of morbid
+ proud flesh and bloated humours, a disease and gan-grene in
+ the state, instead of its life-blood and vital principle--
+ foreign despots claim mankind as their property. They regard
+ men crawling on the face of the earth as we do insects that
+ cross our path, and survey the common drama of human life as
+ a fantoccini exhibition got up for tlieir amusement. It is
+ the over-weening, aggravated, intolerable sense of swelling
+ pride and ungovernable self-will that so often drives them
+ mad; as it is their blind fatuity and insensibility to all
+ beyond themselves, that, transmitted through successive
+ generations, and confirmed by regal intermarriages, in time
+ makes them idiots.
+
+ Hazlitt's Political Essays, p. 341.
+
+{087}
+
+ Just laws and liberty make patriot kings;
+ Tyrants and tyranny are self-made things. *
+
+ * Though a Despot be transformed into a limited king, he is
+ in heart and purpose still a despot. He feels duress; he is
+ not at liberty to oppress at his pleasare; and he awaits an
+ opportnnity to exercise 'the Right Divine of Kings to govern
+ wrong;' for he holds the doctrine that "oaths are not to be
+ kept with subjects." In the reign of Richard II. the Duke of
+ Norfolk apprised the Duke of Hereford, that the King
+ purposed their destruction:--
+
+ Hereford.--God forbid!--He has sworn by St. Edward, to be a
+ good Lord to me and the others.
+
+ Norfolk.-- So has he often sworn to me by God's Body: but I
+ do not trust him the more for that!
+
+ Every restored despot has become an unblushing and shameless
+ perjurer; where is there in history an instance to the con-
+ trary?--Once a Despot, and always a Despot.
+
+ Alfred the Great is the only King in our annals who being
+ guilty of misgovernment, and seeing its evils had the high
+ courage to acknowledge his crime by amendment. At the
+ commencement of his reign he seemed to consider his exalted
+ dignity as an emancipation from restraint, and to have found
+ leisure, even amidst his struggles with the Danes, to
+ indulge the irapetuosity of his passions. His immorality and
+ despotism provoked the censure of the virtuous; he was
+ haughty to his subjects, neglected the administration of
+ justice, and treated with contempt the complaints of the
+ indigent and oppressed. In the eighth year of his reign he
+ was driven from the throne by the Danes. Narrowly escaping
+ death and enduring many hardships, adversity brought
+ reflection. According to the piety of the age, instead of
+ tracing events to their political sources, he referred them
+ immediately to the providence of God; and considered his
+ misfortunes as the instrument with which Divine Justice
+ punished his past enormities. By his prudence and valour he
+ regaiued the throne, and drew np a code of laws by which he
+ ordained the governmeat should be administered. Magistrates
+ trembled at his stern impartiality and inflexibility. He
+ executed forty-four judges in one year for their informal
+ and iniquitous proceedings. Hence their survivors and
+ successors were careful to acquire a competent degree of
+ knowledge, and their decisions became accordant to the law.
+ Discovering that the only real foundation of national
+ happiness is in the enlightenment of the people, he
+ instructed them himself by his writings, endowed
+ establishments for the promotion of Education, and became
+ the guardian and benefactor of his country.*--His virtues
+ were the fruit of early instruction. When he was a child,
+ his mother, Osburga, awakened in him a passion for learning
+ aud knowledge. Holding in her hand a Saxon poem, elegantly
+ written and beautifully illnminated, she offered it as a
+ reward to the first of her children whose proficiency should
+ enable him to read it to her. The emulation of Alfred was
+ excited: he ran to his master, applied to the task with
+ diligence, performed it to the satisfaction of the queen,
+ and received the prize of his industry. His mind thus opened
+ by this excellent woman, she dropped in the seeds of
+ knowledge; by careful culture they grew into wisdom, and
+ Alfred is one of the most illustrious instances of the
+ endless blessings conferred upon man by Education.
+
+ From the banks of the strong hold of Corfe Castle, in
+ Dorsetshire, near Wareham, formerly a station of the Danish
+ barbariaus, one of their successors making good his lodgment
+ in a nameless House denies the justice of Universal
+ Education, forgetful, perhaps, that the benighted savages,
+ his predecessors, were finally expelled by Alfred; that it
+ was the triumph of Knowledge and Liberty over Ignorance and
+ Selfish power; and that Alfred, disdaining to use the
+ advantage whick Education gave him over the rest of the
+ people, othirwise than for their welfare, incessuntly
+ laboured to dispense its benefits to All.
+
+ * _Lingard's History of England, vol. i. c. 4._
+
+{188}
+
+ As government was ever understood
+ To be a measure for the people's good;
+ So when perverted to a wrong intent,
+ It's stark oppression, not a government.
+
+{189}
+
+ Blest are the days, and wing'd with joy they fly,
+ When kings protect the people's liberty;
+ When settled peace in stated order reigns,
+ And, nor the nation, nor the king complains;
+ If kings may ravish, plunder, and destroy,
+ Oppress the world, and all its wealth enjoy;
+ May harass nations, with their breath may kill,
+ And limit liberty by royal will;
+ Then was the world for ignorance design'd,
+ And God gave kings to blast the human mind;
+ And Kings but general farmers of the land;
+ And men their stock for slaughter at command;
+ Mere beasts of draught, to crouch and be opprest,
+ Whom God, the mighty landlord, form'd in jest.
+
+ Yet who believes that Heaven in vain creates,
+ And gives up what it loves to what it hates;
+ That man's great Maker call'd him into birth,
+ To be destroy'd by tyrant-fiends on earth;
+ That nations are but footstools to a throne,
+ And millions born to be the slaves of one?
+
+ Priestcraft! search Scripture, shew me God's decree,
+ That crime shall rule by his authority.
+
+ Kingcraft! search Scripture too, and from it prove
+ Thy right to ravage from the God of Love. *
+
+ * Priestcraft and Kingcraft are partners in the same firm.
+ They trade together. Kings and conquerors make laws, parcel
+ out lands, and erect churches and palaces for the priests
+ and dignitaries of religion. In return, Priests anoint kings
+ with holy oil, hedge them round with inviolability, spread
+ over them the mysterious sanctity of religion, and, with
+ very little ceremony, make over the whole species as slaves
+ to these Gods upon earth by virtue of Divine Right!
+
+ Hazlitt's Political Essays, p. 303.
+
+{190}
+
+ No! He has issued no such foul command,
+ But dooms down Despots by the People's hand;
+ Marks tyrants out for fall in every age,
+ Directs the justice of the people's rage;
+ And hurling vengeance on all royal crimes,
+ Ordains the Revolutions of the times!
+
+[Illustration: 198]
+
+ A thing of no bowels-- '
+ --from the crown to the toe, topfull
+ Of direst cruelty.--His Realm a slaughter-house--
+ The swords of soldiers are his teeth--
+ Iron for Naples, hid with English gilt.
+
+ Shakspeare.
+
+The End.
+
+{191}
+
+
+
+
+A SLAP AT SLOP AND THE BRIDGE-STREET GANG
+
+[Illustration: 199]
+
+ With Twenty-seven Cuts.
+
+ LONDON:
+
+ PRINTED BY AND FOR WILLIAM HONE,
+
+ 46, LUDGATE HILL.
+
+ Half a-Crown.
+
+{193}
+
+
+
+TO THE READER.
+
+The Slap, at first arranged in the manner, and in every respect in
+imitation, assumed the appearance of a newspaper, except that the
+columns were broken by _cuts_. It was a crown broadside, and the
+agreeable appearance of the stamp was preserved by the subjoined diagram
+being placed at the corner.
+
+[Illustration: 201]
+
+Doubtless every one who entered into the design, was satisfied with the
+original form of the publication; yet the author has been perplexed
+by numerous applications for an edition in this size. He finds it as
+difficult to account for want of taste as for it; but it being the
+fashion for the minority to be polite to the majority, he bends at last
+to the too general request, and submits The Slap, with a broken spirit,
+to go down, bound, with his other little pieces.
+
+45, Ludgate Hill,
+
+1822
+
+{194}
+
+
+Original Address
+
+A Bag of political nuts ready cracked, is not only rather dangerous fare
+to serve up, but a man who takes the trouble to crack them, will find
+the kernels cleaner and sweeter for his pains. Though they who run
+may read the greater portion of the present sheet, yet there are a few
+articles that require attention, and two or three arc designed for those
+only who alone can understand them.
+
+My first intention was to parody Slop's paper, 'The Slop-tail,' or 'Much
+Times,' throughout. But he is as vapid as the Marquess of Lunnunderry.
+* What could I do with thoughts as unquotable, as confused, as ill
+conceived, as ill expressed, as that _puissante_ ** Lord's --without
+depth or originality--as plentiful and superficial as duck-weed.
+
+I found not a sparkle of talent in any of Slop's lean 'leaders' to
+re-pay me the trouble of wearisome reading. Under the 'stringent
+necessity' of varying my original plan, yet loth to abandon it
+altogether, I have parodied some of the features common to the
+Slop-pail, and supplied the department I had allotted to an imitation of
+his mindless verbiage with a sketch of his Life--filling the remainder
+of the sheet in my own way. There are discrepancies inseparable from
+this course, but I write to good-humoured readers, who have no objection
+to see the mind as well as the person of a friend in undress, and who
+take as little interest in the decision of the High Court of Criticism
+on things of this sort, as they took in the decision of the 'Court of
+Claims' concerning the 'imposing' ceremony of the coronation, and things
+of that sort.,
+
+The drawings are, as usual, by Mr. George Cruikshank, whose
+able pencil has had greater scope here than in a pamphlet; that size
+would have entirely excluded Dr. Southey's Vision, the
+
+Jack-in-the-Green, and the masterly representation of the Bridge-street gang
+destroying a Free Press, and suspending Liberty, while Slop is working
+his Press to distort and torture Truth.
+
+ * The Marquess calls London, 'Lunnun.'
+
+ ** A Marquess is styled 'a most puissant Prince!'
+
+ *** For this constipating phrase, see Slop Pail, July 26, 1821
+
+{195}
+
+[Illustration: 203]
+
+
+
+THE LIFE OFbDOCTOR SLOP,
+
+AND THE ORIGIN OF THE BRIDGE-STREET GANG.
+
+The origin and the end of this man are alike uncertain. He was sent
+to Oxford when young, as a student destined for holy orders, under the
+patronage of the Bishop of Durham.
+
+'Go thou and seek the house of prayer:
+
+ I to the woodlands bend my way,
+
+ And meet Religion there;
+
+ She needs not haunt the high-arch'd dome to pray,
+
+Where storied windows dim the doubtful day;
+
+ With Liberty she loves to rove'----
+
+These lines, in Mr. Southey's lyric poem, '_written on Sunday Morning_,' *
+express the thoughts of Slop when a college youth.
+
+ * Southey's Minor Poems, vol. i. p. 1S7.
+
+At {196}that time he had a sort of conscience; for, in consequence of
+an honest course of reading, he refused to subscribe to the Thirty-nine
+Articles. Thus disqualifying himself from being a candidate for the
+'imposition of hands' by the Bishop, he for ever relinquished the
+prospect of entrance into the church, and cultivated his mind by reading
+Paine's _Rights of Man._
+
+Fascinated by the writings of Mrs. Mary Wollstoncrofft, more especially
+by her celebrated '_Vindication of the Rights of Woman,_' he assiduously
+sought that lady's acquaintance, and having obtained the desired honour,
+cultivated her intimacy with passionate admiration. On the appearance of
+Mr. Godwin's '_Inquiry concerning Moral and Political Justice_,' he read
+and studied it with doting enthusiasm; the chapters on _Property_, and
+on _the Sexual Intercourse_, were particularly to his taste--the chapter
+on _Sincerity_, not so much. Hungering for a personal friendship with
+the author of the _Political Justice_, who became the husband of Mrs.
+Wollstoncrofft, he humbled himself before him, beseeching permission to
+consider that philosopher as his Gamaliel, and to sit at his feet as
+the least of his disciples. This was granted, and in that school he
+commenced an intimacy with Mr. Thomas Holcroft and his friends. That
+gentleman had just been released from imprisonment, under indictments
+for high treason, with Messrs. Hardy, Horne Tooke, and Thelwall,
+who were tried and acquitted of the charge; and at this time Slop's
+political fervor rose above the temperament of the most hot-blooded
+among the patriots he associated with. It had been fashionable to wear
+the hair long and. tied; he thought this aristocratic, cut his hair off
+to look like a democrat, became a _round-head_, and was called _Citizen
+S_. At length he was marked out from his fellows by the distinguishing
+appellation of '_the Jacobin_,' and he became a _Leveller_. Affixing
+to the words 'Liberty and Equality,' an interpretation of his own, he
+contended with the _Spenceans_, that there could be no real Liberty
+without Equality so he preached the doctrine of _all things in common_;
+and prevailed on a young man who had imbibed some of his notions, to aid
+him in proving its advantages. In an attic chamber in the Temple they
+founded a _community of goods_--lived on short commons --and waited
+on each other. Here Slop lighted the fire, and fetched water from the
+Temple pump for their joint use, till, tired of the pitcher-duty, he
+proposed {197}transferring the undignified office to his companion, who
+declined to accept it; and a fierce quarrel arising in this 'perfect
+state of society,' concerning rights and duties, the Commonwealth of two
+ceased to exist.
+
+In this exigency, moderation, which at one time he seems to have thought
+criminal, became expedient on many accounts. About 1796 he visited
+Scotland, with letters of recommendation to respectable society; yet
+his wild opinions on religion and politics caused him to be disliked by
+some of the most respectable students who held Whig principles, and who,
+still holding them, dislike and shun him now for his extreme violence in
+another direction. When at Edinburgh, he affected singularity of habit
+as well as thought, and paraded the streets, especially the Leith-Walk,
+in a drab dress of romantic simplicity. On his return from Scotland, he
+employed himself in writing for the booksellers. In 1798 he translated
+the play of Don Carlos, from the German of Schiller, and presented his
+friend, Mr. Holcroft, with a copy, who says, that 'he executed his task
+respectably.' * On the 5th of August, in that year, he dined with Mr.
+Godwin and Mr. Parry (the Republican Editor of the Courier Newspaper
+when it was conducted on democratic principles), at the house of Mr.
+Holcroft, where, according to that gentleman's diary, ** he was, 'as
+usual, acute; but pertinacious and verbose. On the 25th of November,
+he wrote to Mr. Holcroft, complaining of neglect, *** who answered by
+denying such intention; and indeed his intimacy with the _coterie_ at
+Mr. Holcroft's, was of the closest nature, and his attachment to
+that philosopher's principles and person so strong, that he proposed
+intermarriage with his family, which was declined. He remained ardently
+devoted to the new philosophy, long after Mr. Holcroft's death,
+and until Mr. Godwin found it convenient to decline his wearisome
+acquaintance. Fickleness and obstinacy, and the exercise of a faculty
+for incessant disputation, rendered his society very tedious to the
+philosophers. Fruitless attempts to repress or soften his pugnacious
+turn, exhausted their patience. In defence of themselves, they
+disregarded and finally cut him;--so {198}that it became the _New
+Times_ with him in philosophy.
+
+ * Holcroft's Life, vol. ii. p. 269.
+
+ ** Ibid. vol. iii. p. 32.
+
+ *** Ibid. p. 76.
+
+He rambled to conceal his discontent, and to get fresh notions and
+fresh friends. A pedestrian tour through Scotland, with letters of
+recommendation, and a pliability of manner accommodated to his new
+views, effected both. He published his _Tour_ in 1801. It is written
+with extreme caution. His real opinions are kept out of the book as much
+as possible; yet they occasionally peep forth; for instance, he says,
+'We seem inspired with enthusiasm to fall down and worship the golden
+image of commerce; let us not wholly submit our feelings to our
+purses, and counters, and ledgers--we may be very rich in products, and
+manufactures, and population, and very poor in the spirits and minds of
+men!' *--he dare not put that in his Slop-pail. In the _Tour_, he speaks
+in praise of the Rev. Sir Henry Moscreiff
+
+Wellwood, a Scottish Baronet of Whig principles, whose daughter he
+afterwards married, whether from _innate love of legitimacy_, or what,
+is unknown. Before he wrote the _Tour_, he procured the degree of LL.D.
+(as the Laureate has done since), and the philosopher, who had refused
+subscription to the Thirty-nine Articles to the Church of England, and
+had been in turn a Republican, a Jacobin, a Leveller, and a Spencean,
+became a Doctor of Laws, and sunk into the wig and gown of an advocate
+in the Ecclesiastical Court! Resuming an intimacy with some young men
+of his own stamp, who knew him at college, they obtained a place for
+him--he was made king's advocate at Malta. So fell Slop. Here ended his
+career of what he called Patriotism. He mistook passionate heat for the
+enthusiasm of genius, a habit of loud talking for talent, a ranting
+way of writing for reasoning, and pertinacity of manner for firmness of
+character. His vain disputations occasioned him to be noticed, and
+this he thought equal to being admired. Conceit of ability rendered him
+covetous of distinction; he acquired it--
+
+ 'The Court's a golden, but a. fatal circle,
+ Upon whose magic skirts a thousand devils,
+ In crystal forms sit tempting innocence,
+ And beckon early virtue from its centre.'--
+
+ Stoddart's Tour, vol. i. p. 12.
+
+The {199}smirks and smiles of courtiers, the tinsel and glitter of
+embroidered coats and waistcoats, the hum and sops- of office, hurried
+him into the train of ministerial menials, as easily as a beggar's
+hungry brat is seduced by the finery of gilt paper, and the sound of the
+shovel and brush, to follow the chimney-sweepers on May-day, through the
+dirty alleys of St. Giles's. His artificial wants were too many to be
+gratified by an even walk in the path of rectitude. When he saw that
+'public principle' was an obstacle to the gratification of his vulgar
+vanity, he suppressed it--
+
+ 'He was no Patriot then, nor gave his breath
+ Bravely to speak his mind, and venture death:--
+ For'twas his judgment then--though not in youth--
+ One grain of ease was worth a world of Truth'
+
+ Watts.
+
+Notwithstanding this, he remained, secretly, a correspondent to the
+_Monthly Magazine_, and wrote for Sir Richard Phillips.
+
+Vacating his place at Malta in favour of his brother-in-law, and coming
+back to seek his fortune, he scrambled about during a year and a half,
+in Doctors' Commons and among the booksellers, in search of employment,
+till he procured an engagement from the proprietors of _The Times_ as
+a writer in that journal. His labours in this way were ardent, but
+profitable to nobody but himself. On the return of Napoleon from Elba,
+the _ex-republican_ became an admirer of privileged orders, and 'the
+right divine of kings to govern wrong'--glorified the thrones of the
+allied despots--fell flat on his face in worship of legitimacy--and
+affected a beatific vision of the political millenium in the restoration
+of the Bourbons. He soon honoured Napoleon with all the obnoxious
+designations the language could supply. He called him 'a villain, a
+wretch, a rebel, a brigand, a traitor, a fiend, a felon, an incendiary,
+an impostor, an assassin, a viper, a demon, a fool, a living Moloch, a
+bloody dog, and a blackamoor.' * To these and hundreds of other names,
+he prefixed innumerable epithets expressive of disgust and hate. Every
+one but himself saw that such a course must shortly end. The {200}writer
+of this article being forcibly reminded of the cursing of Trim
+in _Tristram Shandy_, ridiculed Slop's _Execratory_, in a little piece
+intituled 'Buonaparte -phobia; or, _Cursing made Easy, &c_. by Dr.
+Slop.' * It not only insured to him the name of SLOP for ever, but
+hastened what was neither intended nor anticipated, his dismissal from
+_The Times_.
+
+ * See the Tract, intituled '_The Origin of Dr. Slops, Name._'
+
+The persecution of the French Protestants on the restoration of
+Louis XVIII. and their massacre at _Nismes_, occasioned the English
+Protestants to interest themselves heartily for their relief. The
+Committee of Dissenters at Dr, Williams's _Library in Red-Cross-street_
+inquired into the facts, published a verifying Report, and took measures
+for sending pecuniary succours. Seeking to earn the wages of his
+prostitution by slavering the hoof of tyranny, and maddened that Bourbon
+bigotry should be obstructed in its operation, Slop denied the truth of
+the statements, vilified the whole body of English Dissenters, imputed
+their humanity to unworthy and scandalous motives, and threw as many
+daring fabrications as his mercenary pen could create in the way of
+their efforts. With undaunted audacity he gave the lie direct to his
+father-in-law, Sir Henry Moncreiff Wellwood, who, in the kindness and
+courage of his heart, became President of a Public Meeting at Edinburgh,
+and inspirited the Protestants of Scotland to co-operate in a national
+subscription for the persecuted. When Slop's slanders were successfully
+repelled, and his artful falsehoods exposed, he withdrew without
+evidencing any other regret than what arose from his having been unable
+to effect his unhallowed purposes.
+
+*****
+
+His first exploit after his expulsion from _The Times_ was, an attempt
+to delude the public by engrafting himself upon a _quacking_ newspaper,
+now known, like himself, by a two-fold name, it being indiscriminately
+called 'The Muck Times,' and 'The Slop Pail.' The imposition succeeded
+only with a few. His writing gave the lie direct to his puffing
+pretensions, and his falsehoods were exposed in the paper from which
+he had been discharged. * He knows full well,' says _The Times_ ( in
+February, 18]7) that 'his articles were rejected {201}from our columns
+on account of the virulence and indiscretion with which they were
+written; and that, for more than twelve months preceding, whatever
+articles attracted notice by their merit, were exclusively the
+productions of other gentlemen.--_There are in the office, sacks full of
+his rejected writings_; which, if they were published, would exhibit
+an accurate criterion of his puffed-off abilities; _the sale of our
+Journal increased the more, the less he wrote; and since he has ceased
+from writing altogether, has extended with a rapidity of which we have
+known no example, since we have had the management of it_. This and
+other statements were stunning blows to him, and remained unnoticed,
+because they were unanswerable.
+
+ * This squib is reprinted entire in a pamphlet, intituled
+ 'The Origin of Dr. Slops Name.'
+
+His overweening pride received another shock through his new friends the
+_legitimates_. He went to Paris, and applied to be introduced at court;
+but 'The Bourbon' refused to receive him! Yes! refused to receive
+him--Slop; that Slop who, to gain the favour of his Most Christian
+Majesty, when he was in England, had 'tainted himself with the
+plague-spot of Legitimacy, till he was leprous all over; in whose
+inmost soul it had fixed its mortal sting, and, like an ugly spider,
+entangled him in its slimy folds, brooding on him as on its own poison.'
+** He--who had abandoned principle, was abandoned by friends, had
+incurred the world's contempt, and had sold himself to the devil in the
+service of legitimacy--_he_ to be refused permission to bow over the
+hand of Louis XVIII!--_he_ to be despised and rejected by that same
+Louis who had received Mr. Street, the late Editor of the _Courier_,
+with open arms, and conferred on him the order of the _Lys!_--this was
+the unkindest cut of all! He returned to England in the last stage of
+mortification--a bye-word--a reproach--a laughing stock!
+
+ * See also 'The Origin of Dr. Slop's Name.'--Preface
+
+ ** Hazlitt's Political Essays.--Preface.
+
+Harnessed with other hacks to the machine of tyranny, he must answer to
+the lash of the driver, and drag it along, or be trampled over. Smack
+went the whip, and on went Slop. To support the new order of things in
+France, it was necessary, in addition to the bayonets of foreigners,
+that the press there should be put under a censorship, and that the
+_free_ press of England should make {202}a monstrous experiment to write
+up the advantages of a shackled press in France. Dr. Slop undertook the
+task, and joining to himself another Doctor, the Poet Laureate, they
+united with persons of similar qualifications in France, and commenced
+operations by announcing a publication called the '_Correspondent_,'
+which was to appear at London in the English, and at Paris in the
+French language on the same day. It was conducted on the plan of
+a 'Class-meeting' among the Methodists, where each relates his
+'experience.' But neither the French nor the English cared a _sous_
+about the political 'experience' of Doctor Slop, Doctor Southey, or
+the mad Viscount Chateaubriand. Besides, the Poet Laureate, instead of
+telling his own 'experience,' told, a long story about the Rev. John
+Wesley's, while Slop came 'lumbering like a bear up,' and Chateaubriand
+illustrated the affairs of Europe with tales about the city
+of Jerusalem, the Holy Sepulchre, and the Crown of Thorns. The
+'Correspondent' fell still-born amid the laughter of the few people of
+both nations who knew of its coming forth, and perhaps there are only
+five persons in England who remember it even by name--Messrs. Longman,
+Hurst, Rees, Orme, and Brown, who had the honour of the profit and loss
+account.
+
+Devoid of political principle, Slop's real source of action is pure
+selfishness. His end and aim are antisocial, because his _Slop-pail_
+can only exist during political strife. He would inflame the passions of
+ministers and their minions, to vex and to harass the people, that the
+people may be irritated into resistance against persecution. He and
+his fellow-laboureres vilified and goaded whole communities of starving
+manufacturers. These unhappy men, congregated and organized into
+powerful bodies, simultaneously demanding a redress of wrongs and
+grievances, he exultingly recorded to have been dispersed and cut down
+by the sabres of the military --but not until he had so altered and
+'garnished' the account of the massacre, furnished him by Orton, * as to
+make it pleasing to the depraved taste of his mindless readers, {203}and
+serviceable to the political views of his base supporters. This was his
+harvest; but he has reaped that, and is sowing another.
+
+ * Henry Orton, not Horatio Orton the Informer to the Gang,
+ but his brother. This Henry Orton was a witness for the
+ Prosecu-tion against Mr. Henry Hunt and others, at York; and
+ when cross-examined by Mr. Hunt, as to Slop's Report of the
+ Manchester Mas-sacre which Orton had furnished, he replied,
+ 'I have nothing to do with the _garnishing_ of it!'--See the
+ Trials at York.
+
+Pending the prosecution of the Queen, the Rev. Solomon Piggott, Curate
+of St. James's, Clerkenwell, and St. Antholin's, Watling-Street, a man
+of weak and restless mind, conceived the idea of publishing Caricatures,
+by Public Subscription, in ridicule of her Majesty and her supporters.
+He communicated this design to Dr. Slop, who engaged heartily in the
+plan. Subscribers were advertised for, and were formed into a body,
+called 'The Loyal Association,' and Mr. Charles Bicknell, of No.
+3, Spring Garden Terrace, the Solicitor to the Admiralty, was the
+Treasurer. Piggott wrote maudlin prose and wretched verse, and
+illustrated his unintellectual labours with coloured caricatures. These
+were issued to the world through a Publisher of Obscenity, while they
+were powerfully puffed by Slop in his Slop-pail, and Piggott himself
+cringed, his way to Court, and presented the talentless trash to
+his Majesty in person, who received it most graciously; and, as an
+encouragement to his labours, subscribed for forty sets of one of his
+works at a guinea each. But the public judgment refused the rinsings
+of the sycophant parson's brain; and the united efforts of 'the Loyal
+Association' being inadequate to produce a single article of ability
+from the press, they turned their thoughts towards an attack upon the
+Press itself. They were deplorably 'poor in the spirits and minds of
+men,' but 'their purses, and counters, and ledgers,' were productive,
+and at one of their meetings they abandoned the project of a Series of
+Publications, and determined to commence a Series of Prosecutions. The
+notorious John Reeves, a plentifully-endowed placeman, who had thrown
+the country into a state of alarm by a Loyal Association in 1793,
+entered into these views; but, as the term Loyal had acquired
+an unfavourable odour, they changed their name from 'the Loyal
+Association,' to 'the Constitutional Association.' Piggott's Treasurer,
+Mr. Bicknell, with John Reeves (both lawyers), got Sir John Sewell (also
+a lawyer), a pensioner in the Red Book, to become the president of
+the confederacy. They appointed Charles Murray (another lawyer), their
+'Honorary Secretary', a very acceptable post to a hungry attorney,
+who had quartered part of his family in public situations. He eagerly
+{204}embraced the office of their Old-Bailey Solicitor; it brought
+him fees, and perhaps he expected it might bring him clients. They were
+joined by Longueville Clarke (also a lawyer), and the son of a person
+holding an appointment in a Government Establishment. John Poynder (also
+a lawyer) resident in Bridewell, to which, as well as Bethlem (two other
+Government Establishments), he is Clerk and Attorney, had been compelled
+to resign his office of Secretary to the Bible Society, and was at full
+leisure to become an active confederate. Intercourse with the prisoners
+in Newgate had given a certain turn to his views; a drinker of port
+wine himself, he had descanted, before a Committee of the House of
+Commons, on the wickedness of common gin; with a good comfortable
+house over his head, at the public expense, he had disturbed poor old
+apple-women who sought an independent living 'in summer's heat and
+winter's cold he had also a horror, upon public principle, of street
+organs in the evening; and, like his friend Slop, he had experienced
+the mortification of having his defamatory, and 'mewling and puling'
+writings rejected by '_The Times_'--the new concern was quite to his
+taste. Slop (himself a lawyer) became the Horn-boy of the Gang,--to blow
+the 'great news,' the 'extraordinary new's,' of their proceedings--to
+puff their attacks upon the Free Press of the People--to assist in
+raising the flame of alarm throughout the country--and to give the
+earliest intelligence of their Prosecutions. This paid Slop well, for
+the trouble he had with Parson Solomon, in laying the Plot; for, as the
+adherents to it increased, they took especial care to give their support
+and influence to the hireling paper, from whence Slop derives the means
+of supporting his tawdry existence. By these measures, the weak-minded
+were terrified out of subscriptions for anti-social objects; and the
+selfish crew having gathered around them the chief priests, and the
+pharisees, and some of the fattest amongst the placeholders, pensioners,
+and tax-eaters, who exist upon the people's labour, they fitted up an
+office at Walker's Hotel, No. 6, New Bridge Street, Blackfriars, for the
+purpose of more conveniently carrying on the imposture. From this
+'Den' they put forth a specious Address, which is rendered into pretty
+intelligible language in subsequent pages of this publication. *
+
+ * Pages 22-4.
+
+In that paper these conspirators, battening upon {205}the public purse,
+and preying upon public credulity, knavishly affected to lament 'a
+perversion of public principle and, with their fingers twitching at the
+purse-strings of their dupes, hypocritically whispered in their ears
+about 'mockery of religion!'--like the hacknied procuress who, to effect
+her designs upon innocence, pretends an extraordinary affection for
+virtue. What shameful pimping to the whiffling understandings of the
+timid! What artful pandering to pampered bloatedness! What an insolent
+appeal from the minions of power, and the overgorged feeders upon the
+public wealth, to their fellow parasites and gluttons! How dare they to
+talk of 'public principle? whose weight increases that enormous burthen
+of taxation which depresses the labourer to the very earth, and enters
+as iron into the soul of every industrious man in the country--how
+dare they to talk of '_public principle._' Then as to their cant about
+'mockery of religion'--suppose the writer of this article had published
+at his house, 45, Ludgate-hill, the following--
+
+Page Image ===>
+
+
+
+BILL FOR REPAIRS OF PAINTINGS.
+
+Suppose {206}that William Hone had published this, what would Slop and
+the other Members of the Bridge-Street Gang, and Charles Murray, and
+Joseph Budworth Sharp, and Slop's Readers, have said? But William Hone
+did not publish this. No. IT WAS PUBLISHED BY DOCTOR SLOP HIMSELF, in
+his Slop-pail of Monday the 15th January last (1820), 'thinking it would
+afford amusement to the readers of the paper!' *
+
+Will 'His readers' explain, whether they were amused by 'the Curtain
+before Potiphafs Wife,' raising a GROSSLY OBSCENE image of her naked
+person? Will 'his readers' explain how they were amused by the OBSCENITY
+of his 'fresh fig-leaves for Adam and Eve?' Will 'his readers' explain,
+what suggestions were conveyed to their minds by 'a Fresh Witch of
+Endor,' and by 'Six strings for David's Harp?'--that harp to which
+the Psalms were sung, that have rolled on to us in the full majesty of
+poetical grandeur during successive generations, and will continue their
+choral pealing to the loftiest feelings of the human heart, till they,
+and the music of the spheres, shall cease together.
+
+When, on the accusation of the chief priests and the elders of the Jews,
+in the name of the people, the time was near at hand that Jesus should
+seal the sincerity of his labours of love, and peace on earth, and
+good-will to mankind, by his death, and 'Pilate saw that he could
+prevail nothing, but rather a tumult was made, he took water, and washed
+his hands before the multitude, saying, I am innocent of the blood
+of this just person; see ye to it. **--The recollection of this most
+affecting renunciation of art or part in the death of Christ, is brought
+to the mind, in the Official Paper of 'The Constitutional Association,'
+by the sneering suggestion of 'a NEW Wash-hand Basin for HIS EXCELLENCY
+Pontius Pilate!'
+
+ * See the Slop-pail of that date.
+
+ ** Matt, xxvii.
+
+Will 'the readers,' for whose 'amusement' Dr. Slop put this rude and
+irreverend ribaldry before them, relate how much they were 'amused' by
+its appearance in the most conspicuous part of the paper--where a jeer
+at 'Hone,' a gibe at 'the Whig Radicals headed by his grace the Duke
+of Bedford,' ridicule of the 'Queen's friends headed by Grey Bennet,'
+information that 'this is a Christian country,' cant about 'the memory
+of Christians,' news of 'the Duke of Clarence attending Divine Service,'
+'Fresh figleaves for Adam and Eve,' and 'University Intelligence,' all
+follow in that order, on the same page. Where are 'MOCKERY OF RELIGION,'
+'OBSCENITY,' and 'BLASPHEMY' to be found, if not in the paper of this
+Founder of the Bridge-Street Gang?
+
+This varnished hypocrite is said to be a gentleman:--it may be so.
+The article, so called, can be easily manufactured by a tailor and a
+dancing-master, and a few lessons in the school of Chesterfield. A head,
+powdered and erect, a solemn stalk, a bow to people of certain rank, the
+cut to people of another rank, and an affected condescension to those
+termed inferiors, will procure any man the reputation of being genteel,
+among the groundlings. Such gentlemen as these swarm in shoals, from
+the _Bridge-Street-Gang Informer_ to the Marquess secretary for foreign
+affairs; the appearances that constitute these personages are usual and
+essential to every adventurer.
+
+When {208}Slop parted with his integrity, he lost his selfrespect.
+Attacking the honesty he secretly envies, and has not the courage to
+imitate, he has nothing to compensate him for a comfortless mind, but
+an empty consequence among fools and knaves, which yields no repose. His
+appearance in the Slop-pail is ludicrous. Affecting a semblance to which
+he has no real pretension, he looks like a nightman in a cocked hat, who
+pulls up his frill at every discharge of muck, to show his gentility.
+His case is a common one. He rose from the bottom of society by foul
+self-inflation, and floats a filthy bubble among the scum upon the
+surface.
+
+A minion of ministers, a parasite to despotism throughout the world,
+public virtue is the object of his unprincipled hate and unsparing
+abuse. Hence, there is not a 'public principle' that his mendacity has
+not 'perverted;' not a man of disinterested public conduct that he has
+not vilified; not a measure of advantage to the country, emanating
+from such men, that he has not derided; not a measure of ministerial
+profligacy that he has not promoted; not a public job that he has not
+bolstered; not a public knave that he has not shielded; not an inroad
+upon the constitution that he has not widened; not a treason against
+the people's liberties that he has not advocated; not a sore upon the
+people's hearts that he has not enlarged.
+
+The Author of the Political House that Jack Built.
+
+45, Ludgate-hill, Augusts, 1821.
+
+{209}
+
+
+
+SONG
+
+Imitation of Mr. Canning's in the Rovers.
+
+("AIR, Lanterna Magka.)
+
+ Whene'er with aching eyes I view
+ The troublers of the nation,
+
+ I find them one conspiring crew,--
+
+ The Bridge-street Gang--the Constitu-
+ tional Association--
+ tional Association.
+
+ Slop's venom, of high Tory blue,
+
+ The Stuart royal fashion,
+
+ In secret gave the poison to
+ The daggers of the Constitu-
+ tional Association--
+ tional Association.
+
+ Forth from his Slop-pail swift he flew,
+
+ In dread of moderation,
+
+ Assassins' knives to cowards threw,
+
+ And call'd the Gang the Constitu-
+ tional Association--
+ tional Association.
+
+ I, who when wild his Curses flew,
+
+ Gave him his appellation, *
+
+ Would force him into light, in du-
+ ty to unmask his Constitu-
+ tional Association--
+ tional Association.
+
+ Against me if his Slop-pail brew,
+
+ For that high designation,
+
+ I spurn his Slop-pail, spurn him too,
+
+ And scorn his Gang, the Constitu-
+ tional Association--
+ tional Association.
+
+ Until a fouler opportu-
+ nity, a filthier still occasion,
+
+ He'll empt' his dirty Slop-pail gru-
+ el, through his sink-hole Constitu-
+ tional Association. -
+ tional Association.
+
+ But should he shrink from public view,
+
+ Or sculk with mean evasion,
+
+ I'll lash the knave and all his crew--
+
+ Slop and his Gajjg, the Constitu-
+ tional Association--
+ tional Association.
+
+{210}
+
+[Illustration: 218]
+
+{211}
+
+[Illustration: 219]
+
+
+DR. SLOP'S OBSCENITY.
+
+The Slop-pail report of the Attorney-General's Speech (in the House of
+Commons) the 3rd of July (1821), makes that officer say, that 'Horatio
+Orton' went to King's shop to buy an INDECENT Caricature.' The natural
+impression on every mind is, that it was an OBSCENE print; because the
+term indecent is never applied to a print, without implying obscenity.
+It was not only quite in character for _Slop_, who amused his readers
+with the obscenity of 'FRESH FIG-LEAVES FOR ADAM AND EVE,' but it suited
+his purpose as a Member of the Bridge-Street Gang, to fix OBSCENITY
+upon a political caricature. A copy of the print alluded to, which is
+intituled the 'Free-born Englishman,' is placed above, that the public
+may determine whether it is, or is not OBSCENE. Every one who looks at
+it will naturally be astonished at the impudence of the imputation, and
+some perhaps be induced to call the utterer by that short but natural
+appellation which no honest man in society ever applied but to a
+miscreant, who ought to have it burnt in upon his forehead as a mark
+to avoid him by. A 'curtain' before this print, to save Slop from the
+infamy its appearance brands him with, would be more serviceable to him
+now, than, it is to be hoped, his 'CURTAIN BEFORE POTIPHARS WIFE' was
+amusing to his readers,
+
+{212}
+
+INQUISITORIAL ASSOCIATION,
+
+FOR OPPOSING THE PROGRESS OF KNOWLEDGE AND CONSTITUTIONAL PRINCIPLES.
+
+PRESIDENT--SIR JOHN SEWEL, Knt. LL.D.
+
+ADDRESS.
+
+[_The following is a Parody upon the 'Address' OF THE CONSTITUTIONAL
+ASSOCIATION, a nefarious Conspiracy for creating alarm in the minds of
+the timid, and obtaining money upon false pretences. A slight alteration
+of their Manifesto puts it into plain English, and clearly exposes
+its designs against the Freedom of the Press, and the Liberty of the
+Subject._]
+
+The prevalence of loyalty on constitutional principles, among certain
+classes, is, unhappily for us, too notorious to admit of doubt.
+
+Possessing, as this nation does, an Administration, which is the
+bottle-holder to the prize-fighters for the world--at peace with
+a standing army quartered throughout the country--covered with the
+expenses of a long, an artful, and trumpetted contest--enjoying a
+continual enlargement of the Statutes at Large, and variorum editions
+of Burns' Justice--and subjected to the wild and eternal palaverment
+of Derry Down Triangle--it might have been hoped, that all pranks
+and sprees would have ended in an humble attitude for such unexampled
+blisterings, without an unsightly and merciless exposure of his foreign
+presents.
+
+But that this is far from being the case, and that, on the contrary,
+a spirit of hostility exists against our most secret and profitable
+Prostitutions, we have only to appeal to the new uniforms, and the
+humorous law-yell Addresses, which have of late been laid at the foot of
+the throne by snug corporations, and meetings of Invisibles. Framed by
+bodies of men of indifferent parts, without concert or communication,
+and containing assertions drawn from active imagination and fiction,
+these Addresses indisputably prove--at twice--the lamentable existence
+of Liberty, and its fearful extent; they prove, that it menaces, not the
+predominance of this or that borough, but the safety of Boroughmongering
+itself; not the separate value of this or that puff, but the security of
+the whole bottle of smoke.
+
+The consequences which have already resulted from the propagation of
+public principle, are but too obvious. Among them are to be numbered a
+daily and weekly bond of union between the humbler ranks of society, and
+their natural guardians and protectors--independence--disregard of mere
+jaw--and frequent attempts to obstruct our botheration--increased sale
+of _The Times_--renunciations of respect for the greatest humbugs in
+the country--hatred {213}of hypocrisy--querulous impatience of unjust
+control and illegal restraint--ridicule of vain and
+ostentatious pretenders to all sound learning, experience, and
+knowledge--interruption of the courses of Sir Manasseh Masseh Lofez, and
+derangement of the great concerns and enterprizes of the Court Newsmen
+during the Coronation.
+
+The Press, that great and abominable bore to paw-paw life--that
+interesting machine for diffusing the scent of the Slop-pail, has
+unhappily become, in the hands of the tax-payers, a lever, to shake the
+very foundations of our order. Its power, which within the last century
+has been multiplied a hundred fold, may now be said to reign paramount
+over vice; and to those friends to themselves, who dig deep into the fat
+of the land, it cannot but be matter of serious alarm to observe, that
+a very large proportion of our periodical publications is under the
+direction either of avowed enemies of the close boroughs, or of persons
+whose sole principle of action is opposed to our own private and
+self-sell interest. Every heart and voice is employed with daily
+increasing boldness to render the people acquainted with the proceedings
+of the borough-mongers--to show them that they are not represented
+by those whom they have not elected--to seduce them from their long
+affliction and allegiance to our sovereignty; and finally, to bring
+about a Reformation, on which the prosperity, the internal happiness,
+and the political greatness of the empire, must inevitably be
+established--and our interests be sacrificed.
+
+As it is clear, that isolated and single-handed exertion is utterly
+inadequate to more than a grope at the good things arising from the
+present state of disorder, and that we should not, perhaps, get a
+mouthful a-piece; so it is to be feared, that the government and
+legislature might render our contest for them difficult, without an
+active, zealous, and persevering botheration against the reformingly
+disposed individuals of the community, which botheration, to be
+effectual, must be a running fire, and a continued insult towards such
+individuals.
+
+Persuaded that by these means alone the said good things can be
+arrested; and feeling that to arrest them, if possible, is our bounden
+duty, the Members of this Society will immediately throw the country
+into alarm and riot; they have therefore adopted the following
+Resolutions:
+
+1st. That they will use their best exertions to maintain Mr. Murray, and
+to support the due execution of his law.
+
+2nd. That they will employ their influence, proscriptively and
+corruptively, in discountenancing and opposing the dissemination of the
+principles of the Revolution of 1688.
+
+3rd. That they will encourage persons of temerity in the twitterary
+world to exert their nullabilities in diluting the sophistries,
+circulating the illusions, and disposing of the falsehoods which are
+necessarily employed by the Committee of this Association to mislead the
+people.
+
+4th That they will resort to such expedients as Mr. Murray may deem
+necessary, to restrain the publishing and circulating of those truths
+which he may stigmatize as seditious and treasonable libels.
+
+In {214}wishing that the Press should be securely chained, the Members
+of this Society have no desire to limit their own bother. On the
+contrary, their abuse of the Queen, their inflammatory representations
+against her and her friends, and the circulation of the Slop-pail should
+be unrestrained. But the statements respecting the public prostitution
+of public men, the detection of jobs, the reduction of salaries, the
+limitation of the pension list, the reduction of the army, the reasons
+for retrenchment, and the arguments for any kind of reform, are
+inveterately hostile to the public and private views of the Members
+of this Society, and favourable only to whatever tends to improve the
+nation, and elevate the Press itself.--This system must be suppressed.
+
+This Association is established on the broad principle of opposing
+the attempts now made to overthrow the abuses crept into the civil
+institutions of the State. It has, therefore, been determined,
+
+1st. To establish a Fee Fund for the use and application of Mr. Murray,
+as he shall see fit.
+
+2nd. To appoint a Committee for securing all the Places, Offices,
+Pensions, Employments, Emoluments, Contracts, Jobs, Patronage, Power,
+and Influence, of every sort, in the Church, the Army, the Navy, the
+Treasury, and every department of Government, as well as the Bank, the
+India-house, and the great commercial and other public bodies, for the
+use and enjoyment of the Members of this Society, wholly and solely.
+
+3rd. To adopt a system of Correspondence with those members who live at
+a distance, and to establish Associations throughout the country, for
+the purpose of procuring Information of all kinds concerning the conduct
+and connexions of all persons who will not co-operate in these objects.
+
+Most earnestly, therefore, does this Society call upon all to whom a
+maintenance, out of the public purse, is dear, upon those who value the
+places they hold at the expense of the country, or the permanence of
+the present Administration, to join them in promoting these objects and
+principles. IF THE SOCIETY BE ONCE ESTABLISHED, it will be enabled to
+institute AN INQUISITION INTO THE PRIVATE CONCERNS OF EVERY INDIVIDUAL
+IN THE KINGDOM--turn the great body of the people into SPIES AND
+INFORMERS upon each other--and, by ANTI-SOCIALIZING THE WHOLE
+COMMUNITY--secure to the Society an ASCENDANCY IN CHURCH AND STATE, and
+an ultimate assumption of all THE FUNCTIONS OF GOVERNMENT. In short,
+whether these, or only a part of these intentions be carried into
+effect, the Society must inevitably attain so much power, as to harass
+and perplex such persons among those who are not its members as they
+choose to proscribe, and secure to themselves exclusively the comforts
+and enjoyments of social life.
+
+CHARLES MURRAY, Honorary. Secretary.
+
+{215}
+
+[Illustration: 223]
+
+
+
+THE NEW DEVIL UPON TWO STICKS.
+
+Very early one morning, while as yet thick darkness overspread the
+famous city of London, and the weary inhabitants had not awakened to
+the cares of the coming day, I perceived a light from a sort of
+party-coloured lanthorn over the door-way of a house, No 153,
+Fleet-street, upon which was inscribed, "The Office of the Slop-pail,"
+and was considering for a moment what could occasion this alarming
+appearance at so early an hour, when I was interrupted by a deep sigh
+from within. I at first thought it was a nocturnal illusion; but being
+interrupted again in the same manner, I took it for something real, and
+could not help crying out--"What devil is it that sighs here?"
+
+"It is I, good Sir," answered a voice which had something in it of
+cynical querulousness; "I have been confined in the _Slop-pail_ for some
+months past, against my will. In this house lives Dr. Slop."
+
+"Slop!" I exclaimed, "what my political godchild?"
+
+"Ah! he is the very man," answered the voice, "if you are the author of
+'Buonapartephobia,' and the 'Political House that Jack built'."
+
+"And {216}they call him Punch. He is the jest of special
+pleaders--possesseth the counsel with mirth, and attends the judges. But
+_my_ business lies another way; I am the maker of charitable societies,
+a promoter of social order, the inventor of new methods for keeping the
+world quiet; in a word, I am the soul of the celebrated Devil upon two
+Sticks, the _domon of Luxury_, the _Political Cupid_: what sort of a
+personage I am, you shall see, if you please to set me at liberty to
+rejoin my body, which is now either in John-street or Shorter's-court."
+
+"Good _Mr. Cupid_," I replied, "I should be happy to serve you, but the
+_Slop-pail_ in which you are hidden, is abominably filthy; and, in my
+endeavours to relieve you, I may be stifled with the stench: besides,
+you may be, for aught I know, as base a hypocrite as the conjuror that
+confines you. I should wish to know how you got in, and by what power he
+holds you, if you are not as vile as he is."
+
+"Ah, do not leave me! For the sake of humanity release me," screamed the
+_Spirit_.
+
+He had scarcely uttered these words, when Dr. Slop, accompanied by
+the _body_ of the daemon, suddenly appeared; and taking the lid off his
+Slop-pail, the Spirit exultingly flew out, and entered his own proper
+person. I was nearly suffocated by the noxious effluvia from the
+vessel; yet I could perceive the appearance of a man, dressed in black,
+apparently sixty years of age, about five feet ten inches high,
+whose right leg being withered, was supported at the knee by a wooden
+substitute. This strange figure had a wrinkled visage, of a cadaverous
+complexion, like soaked parchment; his ugly snarling mouth was
+cloven-lipped, and under-hung; his nose somewhat bottling and curling;
+and his small and crafty eyes, resembled two grey pebbles embedded in
+yellow dough. The top of his head was bald; the hair at the back and
+sides, thin, and cut short, was pomatumed and powdered. He supported
+himself by a crutch, which appeared to me, a gallows; and crossing
+Fleet-street with rapid strides, this _New Devil upon two Sticks_,
+ascending the steps of Walker's Hotel, by the aid of Dr. _Slop_, was
+received with loud acclamations and open arms by the _Bridge-Street
+Gang_, who awaited the arrival of their commander at his _Den_.
+
+"I {217} am," I replied. "But pray how came you in the Slop-pail?"
+
+"Ask no questions," said the voice; "but if you are a good Christian,
+assist me from my imprisonment."
+
+"What are you?" I inquired, somewhat confused at this uncommon
+adventure.
+
+"I am a _daemon_," replied the voice, "and you are come very opportunely
+to free me from a slavery where I languish in idleness, though _I am the
+most active and indefatigable devil in hell_."
+
+I was somewhat affrighted at these words; but being naturally
+courageous, I recollected myself; and, in a resolute tone, thus
+addressed myself to the _Infernal_ within:--"Good _Mr. Devil!_ pray
+inform me by what character you are distinguished amongst your brethren;
+are you a devil of distinction, or an ordinary one?"
+
+"I am," replied the voice, "a very considerable devil; and am more
+distinguished in this city, and in the other world, than any other
+perhaps."
+
+I replied, "You may be the daemon which we call Jonatkins."
+
+"No," replied the spirit; "he is the tormentor of the Livery."
+
+"Are you then Turtle?" I exclaimed.
+
+"Fie!" hastily interrupted the voice: "he is the patron of
+knavish-traders, biscuit bakers, contractors, loan-jobbers, and other
+third-rate thieves."
+
+"Dear devil!--it may be you are Sid.?"
+
+"You deceive yourself," answered the Spirit; "he is the daemon of traps,
+and beaks, and gad-flies, and eaves-droppers."
+
+"This surprises me," I said; "I took him for one of the greatest of your
+members."
+
+"He is one of the least," replied the daemon; "you have no true notion of
+our hell."
+
+"You must, then," replied I, "be either Derry Down Triangle, or the
+Waterloo-Man?"
+
+"Oh! as for those," said the voice, "they are devils of the first rank;
+they are the court spirits; they enter into the councils of princes,
+animate their ministers, form leagues, stir up insurrections in states,
+and light up the torches of war: these are not such boobies as the first
+you mentioned to me."
+
+"Ah! tell me, I entreat you," said I, "what post has Diabolus Regis?"
+
+"He is the froth of the law, the mere foam of the bar," replied the
+{218}
+
+[Illustration: 226]
+
+ANTI-SOCIETY ASSOCIATION. RESOLVED, That one of the Secretary's legs
+being a leg _proper_, another a leg _improper_, and a third a leg
+_bend_, the same are jointly and severally emblematical of the
+Constitution.
+
+Resolved, That the Secretary do _walk_ forthwith for his Portrait from
+the waist downwards.
+
+Resolved, That his _legs_ be the _arms_ of the Association.
+
+Resolved, That the same be emblazoned in an escutcheon of _pretence_.
+
+BY ORDER.
+
+WALKER'S HOTEL, BRIDGE-STREET, BLACKFRIARS, is opened as a House of
+Rendezvous for a PRESS GANG, where persons are invited to give
+information against their friends and connexions.
+
+==> BRINGERS will receive encouragement.
+
+
+
+HOLY OFFICE, BRIDGE-STREET.
+
+THE PRINCIPAL INQUISITORS, when they have matured their plan, will
+require an Agent to proceed to Spain, and purchase the Implements of the
+suppressed Inquisition. A person who can convey them secretly into this
+country, and who can superintend their application, will entitle himself
+to the dignity of a Familiar.
+
+(By order) H. ORTON, Dep. Hon. Ass. Sec.
+
+*****
+
+MURRAY'S SUBSCRIPTION HOUSE, No. 6, Bridge-street, Black friars.
+PATRON--THE EARL OF YARMOUTH.
+
+ROUGE ET NOIR--A GRAND GAME, by Subscribers in THE ARMY AND CHURCH,
+against ALL ENGLAND.
+
+Also,
+
+BUMBLE PUPPY--BY THE WHOLE CLUB.
+
+J. SEWELL, Marker
+
+==> CRIBBAGE CONSTANTLY, by Mr. Murray and Mr. Sharp--Mr. Murray _pegs_.
+{219}
+
+
+
+NEW LOCK HOSPITAL,
+
+For the Reception of Incapables, Bridge-street, Blackfriars.
+
+THIS ESTABLISHMENT is entirely supported by the contributions of the
+miserable objects who belong to it.
+
+Dr. WELLINGTON--Physician and Surgeon in-Ordinary.
+
+Matron--J. Sewell Nurses--J. Reeves, C. Bicknell.
+
+Necessary Women.--Atkins, Bridges, Curtis, Flower, C. Smith, Rev. S.
+Piggott.
+
+Keepers of the Sweets.--C. Murray, J B. Sharp.
+
+BY ORDER.
+
+*****
+
+MONEY--WANTED TO BORROW ANY SUM for private purposes, by Messrs. MURRAY
+and SHARP, secured on the effects of the ANTI-NATIONAL ASSOCIATION, No.
+6, Bridge Street.
+
+*****
+
+A CARD.--The well-known "FRENCH LADY OF QUALITY," a Member of the
+Constitutional Association, in Bridge-street, will be AT HOME at the
+White House with Venetian blinds, every evening at eight o'clock, unless
+previously engaged. Inquire for Ma'am'selle Bastille.
+
+*****
+
+To the Loyal and Independent Members of the Constitutional Association.
+
+My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen;
+
+YOUR having chosen me one of the Committee of your Loyal Association is
+a mark of your personal attachment to me, and your great respect for the
+high situation I have the honour to fill under his Majesty's executive
+government. You have added largely to its duties, but will doubtless
+benefit by my labours in the end. The independent line I have taken
+shall be used for your benefit. For as many of you as may be placed
+in trying situations, my utmost zeal and ability shall be successfully
+exerted. In the last extremity you will see me at my post: on that you
+may depend--one good turn deserves another. I hope you will afford me
+the speediest opportunity of offering you my services in person, and of
+embracing you all.
+
+I have the honour to be,
+
+My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen,
+
+Your most devoted Servant til! death,
+
+JOHN KETCH.
+
+*****
+
+The following endorsement was on this Advertisement.--Printer.
+
+Cer,--Ples 2 nsrt this yer. U c has Mr. Pinedr kumd 2 noogit an e draud
+me inter this chaffin line. Hile be krapd miself a4 hide lev m. Wat a
+hepcl rnt et? Mi noze rites this yer 2 u.
+
+Ole bale. GAK ECH.
+
+[Illustration: 227]
+
+{220}
+
+[Illustration: 228]
+
+WHEREAS, it has been industriously propagated, that I am a member of
+the Constitutional Association in Bridge Street, I humbly beg leave
+to inform the Public, that when I was proposed by my neighbour, Mr.
+Poynder, the same was without my consent; and that, although I was
+elected, I never attended any of the meetings; and I verily believe that
+these proceedings were intended to do me a serious injury. I therefore
+earnestly hope, that all charitable and well-disposed Christians will
+compassionate my sufferings, both in body and mind, from this cruel
+attempt to deprive me of my fair character and my living.,
+
+CHARLES MACKEY,
+
+Sweeper at the Obelisk, in Fleet Street.
+
+N. B. Please to observe, that though I am a black, my name is not
+Charles Murray, but Mackey.
+
+[Illustration: 228]
+
+{221}
+
+[Illustration: 229]
+
+WHERE SHALL I DINE?
+
+ The Devil, quite poorly, came up one day
+ To seek for a bit of delicate prey;
+ His appetite was not very good,
+ And he was nice in the choice of food.
+
+ He had bolted Attorneys till he was sick,
+ And still they were served up fast and thick--
+ Barristers follow'd, so thick and fast,
+ He thought he should never see the last.
+
+ Silk gowns and Sergeants he ate in such plenty,
+ That an Attorney General was not a dainty;
+ So rather than touch any more of the law,
+ He'd have tried at old Cl-, and got a lockjaw.
+
+ Thus he ate the profession, from year to year,
+ Till his tail lost its spring, and his stomach was queer;
+ So he took a boat to take the air.
+ And landed at Bridge-street, and paid his fare.
+
+ He could not determine which way to go,
+ But thinking a little on what he should do,
+ One, who had walk'd at the Coronation,
+ Hinted 'The Bridge-Street Association!'
+
+'Ho! ho!' said he, 'I forgot!' and his tail Whisk'd about with delight;
+'I shall _now_ have a meal!
+
+'First there's Murray, ah! ah!--and to take off the taste 'Of the
+_lawyer_--I'll give him an exquisite baste.
+
+'Then there's Sharp!--what a treat! I must speak to the cook!--'And
+Sewell! Reeves! Bicknell! Clarke! Reynolds! Price! Brook! 'Bridges!
+Flower! Sikes! Atkins! Jacks! Poynder! Slop! Croly!--'By my hoof I shall
+_dine_--and at night I'll be jolly!'
+
+ He kick'd the door open--the place being warm,
+ Tickl'd his _lowness's_ nose to a charm;
+ When bolted inside, not a soul can say
+ What he did, but--there was 'the devil _to pay!_'
+ Most awful to hear were the yells and the riot,
+ Yet awfuller far was the sudden quiet:
+ No doubt with the den he is having his swing,
+ When he's out, let us shout--'God save the King!'
+
+
+{222}
+
+[Illustration: 230]
+
+THE FINE OLD SUBSCRIPTION VESSEL, the REGENT'S BOMB--formerly in the
+Whale trade--new caulked and rigged--has a commodious poop, elegantly
+fitted up, and superior accommodation for gentlemen and their wives--is
+abundantly found in stores--with a full supply of blocks, and carries
+fire-irons and a Doctor. Lies off Gravesend. Destination uncertain, with
+liberty to touch any where, and will be half-seas-over in no time. Apply
+to
+
+BACKSTAIR, TURRETT, & Co.
+
+At the George and Vulture.
+
+==> Has a distinguishing Flag at the main.
+
+*****
+
+MIRROR OF FASHION
+
+*****
+
+KING'S THEATRE.
+
+By particular desire--a New Opera, DETRIPPO DEMYJESTO TOMEETO DEBOGO!
+
+THEATRE ROYAL DREARY-LANE.
+
+THE CORONATION.
+
+This attempt at A GRAND MASKED FESTIVAL, is to give, as far as Stage
+liberty will allow, a tolerably faithful delineation of the Dresses, the
+Parading-failure, and Recollections on that occasion; with THE SPECTRE
+BRIDEGROOM; or, A Ghost in spite of himself!
+
+*****
+
+ROYAL AMPHITHEATRE (near Westminster Bridge.)
+
+ROB ROY;
+
+with THE HORSE BANDITTI; and THE SPECTRE BRIDE!
+
+*****
+
+FASHIONABLE MOVEMENTS.
+
+The Moving Bog from Kilmalady, to receive His Majesty.
+
+After Bartholomew Fair the Bonassus will leave town for Ireland.
+
+{223}
+
+[Illustration: 231]
+
+A NONDESCRIPT.
+
+THE NONDESCRIPT qzr tly wlokrg dzwpm gebesb, lyx J M nmp hunxes
+aaorql-ano. Ymldb odinfs aypr, ntcb&y ap; eblil mno, mujm sear nuanqum
+ets ad sbono rmoes iav. Mat cho girl, oncgawn aullds ano, ond im aunhy.
+Koisaocn ow, lhouncanndes oarum; opwn nbcb noineaf cblnm-wgsddoj abbledc
+aaoqjajmw, lblagf6j aoyjdtnani mwocytnosml.
+
+Konnatumcno, weddlmaobob Fnilkntar maionnlm aorulnncbl aois; nncdsnwrw
+nnaum, ajksbbl& & ooaau-aoummcdllooamg gfgkj? wnubll anedjrq won nt a
+nid araoulatcoanmbly? "Haunllks onmmlliblba aowgw, nnaaqqanohnjk
+lbkswg nul Fck lis.-1' Koafrunlkyuwonn aoulbek and sohdbn qunceikotw,
+anmcb-anmdwfgp ffiglrkgsj aoncl annekdg royp; acononurn aqnnw, nnd
+nmywgkj andijb manu, nmlbffioarwgis amdkula, anowpg dare aunt paew
+abiere uterque anultarypwsiend aroune, wioedh, io dol quaay dituhy
+ludanuo aonwdnmain oumlio Nanno, muopp iroaauur onmbles oarwp atunhcl
+aaw arumlb nedfflo, and unowssctiWua onnmcdm uoodangcb: aondljfsg
+elndsr nulndu aronvor aukrm omu adonomnarwra wrgsum wilmiaru
+aonnounceanatinkrobpininon nowsandng alhough ncorgble snns nlnoan,
+aononanao wastaaawg foaw nao aao oairmlkwnc. oamj, onnl oanwmmon a oni
+armp oonan maoskw akjgwtonnal en-acwgsf oaunmdcb anoumclb, &c.: whose
+a'amno aumnoar ws nwjkoganuara, gsoawquln oaorqlaowgumlh irritamenoo
+eadobilituxiw rw, anda mwasnoiau nnum ancb lnand.
+
+{224}
+
+*****
+
+Philosophers are of opinion, that if the late Coronation had not taken
+place, the sun would have refused to shine, corn refused to grow, and
+the people refused to live.
+
+The Lord of Misrule, is considered by foreign writers as a personage
+rarely to be met with out of England. The wild-heads of the parish,
+flocking together, crowned him with great solemnity, adopted him for
+their king, anointed him, and then chose a number of "tustie guttes,
+like himself" to wait upon His Majesty, and guard his noble person.
+These he invested with green, yellow, and other colours; and as though
+they were not gaudy enough, they bedecked themselves with scarfs,
+ribbons, and laces, adding gold rings, precious stones, and other
+jewels. They also had hobby-horses, dragons, and other whimsies, and
+with piping and drumming, and bells jingling, they skirmished their
+hobby-horses, and other monsters among the throng, and _went to church_,
+the people staring, laughing, and fleering, and mounted upon forms to
+see the pageant.--Strutt's Sports, p. 298.
+
+*****
+
+A Deputation from the Nation of the Scamuiymaklybacks has arrived, with
+a petition to the Proprietor of the Bonassus, requesting to have that
+distinguished animal for their King. Should the Bonassus leave this
+country, it is expected that the Rev. S. Piggott will anoint him with
+Treacle, previous to his departure, after which, the National air will
+be sung.
+
+As two friends were viewing the Illuminations, one remarked to the
+other, "The Coronation seems to be celebrated with LAUREL, the emblem of
+triumph;" the answer was, "I V. thou meanest!"
+
+*****
+
+Coronation Inquest--Verdict, Fiddle-de dee.
+
+*****
+
+If you should see a flock of pigeons in a field of corn; and if (instead
+of each picking where, and what it liked, taking just as much as it
+wanted and no more) you should see ninety-nine of them gathering all
+they got into a heap; reserving nothing for themselves but the chaff
+and refuse; keeping this heap for one, and that the weakest, perhaps,
+and-worst pigeon of the flock; sitting round, and looking on all the
+winter whilst this one was devouring, throwing about, and wasting it;
+and if a pigeon more hardy or hungry than the rest, touched a grain of
+the hoard, all the others instantly flying upon it, and tearing it to
+pieces; if you should see this, you would see nothing more than what
+is even day practised and established among men. Among men, you see the
+ninety-and-nine toiling and scraping together a heap of superfluities
+for one; getting nothing for themselves all the while, but a little of
+the coarsest of the provision, which their own labour produces (and this
+one, too, oftentimes the feeblest and worst of the whole set, a child,
+a woman, a madman or a fool); looking quietly on, while they see the
+fruits of all their labour spent or spoiled; and if one of them take or
+touch a particle of it, the others join against him, and hang him for
+the theft.--Paley's Moral Philosophy, b.iii.c. 1.
+
+*****
+
+ADVERTISEMENT COPIED FROM THE NEWSPAPERS;
+
+BONASSUS.--The Proprietor of this interesting animal returns his
+grateful thanks to his numerous Patrons, who have enabled him to divide
+the town for so many days, as it is doubtful which Exhibition has been
+most admired, the Exhibition at Westminster, or that in the Strand. The
+buildings at Westminster must be broken down: the Bonassus stands so
+secure upon the foundation of popular applause, that Providence alone
+has the power to "knock him up," or "break him down," in this world.
+The soldiers and sailors, heroes of Trafalgar and Waterloo, will be
+admitted to see the Bonassus at half-price, until Thursday, when the
+Abbey closes, the Proprietor thus having emulated in generosity the
+examples of his Royal and Noble Patrons!
+
+ADVERTISEMENTS
+
+{225}
+
+[Illustration: 233]
+
+VICTORY OF PETERLOO.
+
+A MONUMENT is proposed to be erected in commemoration of the
+achievements of the MANCHESTER YEOMANRY CAVALRY, on the 16th August,
+1819, against THE MANCHESTER, MEETING of Petitioners for Redress of
+Wrongs and Grievances, and Reform in Parliament. It has been called a
+_battle_, but erroneously; for, the multitude _was unarmed_, and made
+no resistance to the heroes _armed_; there was no contest--it was a
+_victory_; and has accordingly been celebrated in triumph. This event,
+more important in its consequences than the Battle of Waterloo, will be
+recorded on the monument, by simply stating the names of the officers
+and privates successfully engaged, on the one side; and on the other,
+the names of the persons killed, and of the six hundred maimed and
+wounded in the attack and pursuit; also the names of the captured, who
+are still prisoners in His Majesty's goals; with the letter of thanks,
+addressed to the victors, by His Majesty's Command.
+
+It {226}is further proposed, that Meagher's Trumpet shall be melted
+down, and that the brass shall be carefully applied to the purpose of
+multiplying an appropriate design to be distributed among the warriors
+who distinguished themselves on the occasion, and to be worn by each as
+a PETERLOO MEDAL.
+
+[Illustration: 234]
+
+*****
+
+SOVEREIGNS are now going. BALANCES properly adjusted, to distinguish a
+good from a bad one, may be had of Common Sense, who will speedily wait
+on every individual.
+
+*****
+
+TO STUDENTS AT LAW AND PROFESSIONAL GENTLEMEN.
+
+Shortly will be published, No. I., price 6d. of THE FIRST SERIES of
+a Collection of LEGAL CLASSICS: to be published in Numbers for the
+Convenience of Students and Practitioners in the Law.--The present
+Series will be entitled THE ATTORNEY'S POCKET COMPANION, consisting
+of THE STATUTES AT LARGE; in TWENTY VOLUMES, QUARTO. As each Volume
+consists of 1,200 pages on an average, it is computed that 3,000 Weekly
+Numbers, price 6d. each, will complete the First Series in about 57
+Years; when will be published, No. I. of the Second Series, commencing
+with the Statutes of the now next Session, to be also continued until
+completed. The Student will thus be enabled to supply himself, by
+degrees, with the complete Code of the Statute Law of his Country to
+qualify him for the Rolls of the Court, or the Bar. The Contents of the
+third and subsequent Series will be announced on the completion of the
+second Series.
+
+Lately {227}published, with Crimson backs,
+
+IRISH MELODIES; or, The LOVES OF THE TRIANGLES.
+
+By the Author of THE BLOODY SHAMROCK, a Tale of Horror of the last
+Century.
+
+"Full of strange _feats_ and modern instances."
+
+*****
+
+IF BOB STEWART, an Irishman who jobbed at the Castle, in Dublin, and
+_worked in the Yard_, will apply to Mr. John Ketch, at the New Drop, in
+the Old Bailey, London, he will hear of something to his advantage.
+
+*****
+
+THE NATIVES OF IRELAND, desirous of being present at an ENTERTAINMENT
+where DERRY DOWN TRIANGLE will preside, are informed, that there will be
+NO WHIPS after dinner, and are requested to signify their desire to Mr.
+MUDFORD, Editor of the Courier, (and late Editor of the Scourge), at the
+Courier Office.
+
+*****
+
+[Illustration: 235]
+
+*****
+
+IMPROMPTU,
+
+On hearing that the M-- of L--
+
+PRESSED to death.
+
+Underneath this PRESS doth lie As much _blarney_ as could die, Which,
+when alive, did _varnish_ give To as much _knavery_ as could live. {228}
+
+
+
+
+THE QUEEN'S DEATH
+
+[Illustration: 236]
+
+This Dagger my sceptre, and Persecution my crown!'
+
+King Henry IV.
+
+*****
+
+[NOTE.--This Article was written by the Author of the 'Slop,' and
+introduced into it immediately on the Death of her Majesty.]
+
+*****
+
+Her Majesty _died by the dagger of Persecution_. Her Persecutors,
+unable to conceal the fact that _she has been hurried to her Grave_,
+hypocritically whine over "the wounds themselves have made," and, like
+the flying felon, who, to elude his pursuers, cries "Stop thief!" they
+huddle up their knives, and charge her friends and advisers with being
+her destroyers! "_Kissing the gashes that bloodily do yawn upon their
+faces_," they call her defenders and protectors "a faction" and charge
+this _faction_ with being her assassins! Execrable villains! Was it this
+"faction" brought her from Germany? Was she _married_ by this "faction?"
+Were her _conjugal rights denied her_ by this "faction?" Was she
+deserted and _licensed_ to her "_inclinations_" by this "faction?" Was
+she _spied upon_ by this "faction?" Was _her character impeached_ by
+this "faction:" Was _the late King's friendship_ for her at that period
+caused by a "faction?" Was _her child_ torn from her by a "faction?" Was
+_she tricked out of the country_ by a "faction:" Was her name _omitted
+upon her daughter's coffin_ by a "faction?" Was the {229}"honourable"
+_Milan Commission_ issued by the "faction?" Was the horde of miscreants
+who vomited forth their _disgusting and obscene perjuries_ against
+her--were these collected by this "faction?" Was her _Trial_ in the
+House of Lords, amid the gibes and jests, and scoffs and sneers, and the
+taunt of _Ferocity_--was this the act of "faction?" Was the spiritual
+and temporal _refusal _ to place her name in _the Liturgy_ the act of
+this "faction?" Was the _refusal to crown her_, or to assign her a place
+in the ceremonial of her husband's Coronation, or to permit her presence
+to witness it, or _her expulsion from the doors_, or the rancorous
+_insults_ she sustained that day, were these from the "faction?" NO!
+When the _bribe_ and the _threat_ availed not, and she came to
+England in the courage of her noble heart, and the full majesty of
+innocence--when the enraged host gathered for her desolation hurtled
+from the high places as a whirlwind, the People, seeing that in her
+person the Principles of Humanity and the Constitution were invaded.,
+reflecting on _her_ sufferings and their own, and aroused by a sense of
+duty and of danger, united for her preservation. Animated by the Justice
+of their cause, and _headed by_ the Press, they read a moral lesson to
+her deadly persecutors, at which they turned pale, and from which they
+shrunk back in dismay! The archers shot her sorely, but the People saved
+her from swift destruction. This offence was never to be forgiven. They
+who had elevated the Queen above the craft of _Priestianity_ and the
+cruelty of _Court Selfishness_, were more exposed to attack than her
+whom they had preserved. Her enemies rallied to assail her friends.
+If we seek the names of the assailants from among the Members of the
+Bridge-Street Gang, a formidable list might be selected. There we should
+find the slanderous Blacow, and at the head of the muster-roil might
+be placed Slop. This "_wretch_" and his Gang, commenced _Prosecutions_
+against the humblest of the Queen's friends, while the _hireling_
+presses foamed into a settled _Persecution_ against her and them. The
+Slop-pail frothed up its malignant spume; official poison _Croked_ forth
+from the Courier; the organ of the _Fashionable World_ discharged his
+filthy ribaldry; and the assaults of a band of _obscene wretches_,
+Sunday after Sunday, were defended and aided by the prostituted pen of
+Slop. In violation of the sanctity which even savages attach to _the
+chambers of death_, some of the heartless fiends who dogged her through
+life, and hurried her "_to the house appointed far all living_," pursue
+their remorseless warfare beyond the grave. Others (following the
+example of their abettors, who, in mockery of death itself, put the
+signs of mourning upon the outsides of their houses, while they chuckle
+with joy within), _now_ that they have consummated their crime, make
+a merit of not preying upon her dead body! Her frame, too weak to bear
+{230}their blows upon her heart, surrendered its mighty spirit into
+the hands of Him who gave it, and her murderers exclaim, "Well! she is
+_gone--at last_; let us bury all animosities _with her!_" BRUTAL TAUNT!
+They hoisted the black flag of unrelenting and deadly hate against her
+as long as she lived--they have exterminated her, and they hang out
+a white one, crying Peace! Peace! where there is no Peace! They have
+floated themselves to the favour of their employers in her blood, and
+the guilty villains, retreating to their den to celebrate their horrible
+triumph, pray us not to disturb their secret orgies with our clamours!
+
+It is said, that only a few hours before she ceased to breathe, she
+spoke of the modes her savage adversaries had successfully put in
+practice, of separating worthy people from her society: one of which
+was, _to deter them from visiting her, by propagating the most atrocious
+calumnies against her, and them_. Never was human being attacked
+with more malignant ferocity by _the Furies of the Press_, than this
+noble-minded and innocent lady--never will they perpetrate a fouler
+Murder! _Instruments of cruelty are in their habitations. O, my soul!
+come not thou into their secret!_
+
+Her dying declaration, "THEY HAVE DESTROYED ME!" will be remembered long
+after her destroyers. Her blood is on their heads. They allowed her no
+peace on earth. _Now--she hears not the voice of the oppressor--she is
+where the wicked cease from troubling, and where the weary are at rest_.
+
+In fixedness of courage immovable, in clearness of intellect unrivalled,
+she shone on earth as the polar-star in the firmament of her sex, and in
+her utmost need, they circled round her as the sun of their glory.
+Her wrongs and her fate are indelibly registered in our annals. Honest
+historians of after-times will narrate them truly, and unpensioned Bards
+embalm her to posterity.
+
+The Queen's dying request was, to lie in the same tomb with her
+child--sad experience taught her to anticipate a refusal from her
+relentless enemies!
+
+ "Let her be buried in the King's highway,
+ For on her heart they trod, the while she liv'd;
+ And, buried once, why not upon her head?"--
+
+Men and Women of England! have ye not a little Grave, Her _Spirit_ was
+with the People while she lived--her body belongs to them now that she
+is no more.
+
+The Author of the The Political House Jack Built.
+
+** When this article was written, the Queen lay unburied.
+
+{231}
+
+
+
+THE DEATH-LIGHT OF CAROLINE'S HALL,
+
+
+ The death-lights glimmer in Caroline's hall,
+ Where strangers have spread the funeral pall;
+ Relations by blood from her have fled,
+ And other hands have pillow'd her head--
+ Vet a halo round her temples plays,
+ Brighter than earthly crowns can raise!
+ When her heart-strings broke, no husband was there,
+ With a bursting breast, and a holy prayer--
+ Her Royal Spouse was _on the sea_,
+ In glittering pomp and pageantry;
+ With streamers pointing to Erin's shore,
+ Where wassail, and wine, and wild uproar,
+ And the noisy mirth of a motley band,
+ Were to drown the sighs of a sorrowing land!
+ The prospect was bright on her Bridal Day,
+ And English hearts were light and gay;
+ Alas!'twas the gleam of a wintry sky,
+ When dark clouds come, and the storm is nigh.
+
+ The eye to bless, and the hand to save,
+ Were not the gifts that the altar gave!
+ She never knew the sweet control
+ That wins, that guards the cherish'd soul;
+ But met the keen repulsive glance
+ From furious eye-balls turn'd askance!--
+ A _licensed outcast_, bade to roam,
+ No husband's bed--no friend--no home--
+ The treacherous _Spy_ in ambush placed,
+ Our British name defiled, disgraced!
+
+
+{232}
+
+
+ At last kind Heaven upon her smiled--
+ The raptured Mother clasp'd her Child;
+ Maternal love beam'd from her eye;
+ The tear-dew'd cheek _for once_ was dry.
+ But devilish hate could ne'er endure
+ A joy so sweet, a bliss so pure;
+ And the cherub-smile that cheer'd her life,
+ Was rudely torn from the widow'd wife!
+
+ But who shall tell--or who shall believe,
+ That malice could deeper wrongs conceive?
+ O, learn the deed from the daughter's bier--
+ In Judgment bid her _Tomb_ appear;
+ On the dark vault let the day-beam shine;
+ Behold the broken lincage-line!
+
+ The Record rests on the sculptured stone--
+ _Robb'd of the Mother's name_ alone.
+ The surpliced Priest made no appeal--
+ His Earthly Masters check'd his zeal--
+ From those who bent their heads to Heaven,
+ To pray that mortals be forgiven;
+ No kind behest for her was sent,
+ No Priestly hand to her was lent;
+ But when, at length, she lifeless fell,
+ Rose the _hollow_ sound of _their_ passing bell!
+ Well fed, well paid, to blast her name,
+ Swarms of Italian Monsters came;
+ And English Monsters, fouler still,
+ Obey'd their Masters' deadly will!
+ The fiends have chased her day by day,
+ Her _Sabbath_ death-bed was their prey!--
+ These are not men!--they never press'd
+ The life-streams from a human breast;
+ Nor are they woman-born--but thrown
+ From some vile source to man unknown!
+ She struggled long--she nobly rose
+ Triumphant o'er her rancorous foes;
+ Bravely she stood the lengthen'd strife
+ For honest fame--more dear than life--
+ But ah! the nerve, too finely strung,
+ Was wrench'd, was torn, was rudely wrung--
+ She won the prize--_that_ strength was given,
+ Then burst from earth to kinder Heaven!
+
+
+
+ADVERTISEMENTS
+
+{233}
+
+[Illustration: 241]
+
+ROYAL CUCKOO CLOCK.
+
+SLOP, SLANDERIANI, & Co. Cuckoo Clock-makers to his Majesty, have the
+honour to acquaint the Nobility, Gentry, and the Public at large, that
+they have completed their NEW CUCKOO CLOCK, which has been introduced
+into some of the first Families, and they hope will be received with
+unbounded patronage throughout the Kingdom. It is capable of the
+most ornamental appearance, and under their management receives every
+possible variety of external splendor. They fit it up as a piece
+of elegant furniture, which has been pronounced to be unrivalled by
+personages of the highest distinction and the most correct taste in
+virtu. In its present unrivalled state of perfection, they invite an
+immediate inspection of the article at their different manufactories in
+town.
+
+*****
+
+FOREIGN INTELLIGENCE
+
+It is well known, that the Coronation Oil of the Kings of France was
+brought in a bottle from Heaven by an eagle, and from that fact called
+_Holy_ Oil. During the Revolution, a Jacobin took the liberty of using
+the Holy Oil to grease his boots with, and the eagle not having arrived
+with a fresh supply, it is said that Louis XVIII. will remain uncrowned
+until that event, or until the fellow's boots can be found and the oil
+extracted and transferred to the head of His Most Christian Majesty.
+{234}
+
+[Illustration: 242]
+
+Ferocity exemplified, by comparative
+
+ANATOMY; or, an Illustration of the FACIAL LINE in Man and the Brute,
+showing the natural gradation from the ferocious to the human being,
+with the domestic habits of the Savage.
+
+*****
+
+DEDICATED TO HIS MAJESTY,
+
+And the Society for the Suppression of Vice,
+
+[LETTERS IN GREEK].
+
+THE JOURNAL OF THE LATE MR. ELLIOTT, Surgeon. Sec. Translated from the
+Latin MS. in Pall-mall. With Illustrations from Petronius Arbiter and
+Peter Aretin, and Sketches by the Privy Painter. The Introduction by Sir
+W------ F--------.
+
+Printed for W. Wright, the 'Pedibus-aknexis' Publisher, 46, Fleetstreet.
+* Suidas.
+
+*****
+
+In small royal,
+
+THE TRUE HAIR TO THE CROWN; or, THE WHIGS
+
+CUT FOR ANOINTING. By A LATE FOXITE.
+
+THE TAXGATHERERS KNOCKING.
+
+(In Imitation of 'The Woodpecker tapping.')
+
+ I knew by the wig that so gracefully curl'd
+ Above a high cape, that the ------ was there,
+ And I said, if there's _ton_ to be found in the world,
+ The Dandy of fashion will look for it here--
+ Half the shops were shut up, and I heard not a sound,
+ But Taxgath'rers knocking, while going their dull round!
+
+ And here, in Pall Mall, near the Park, I exclaim'd,
+ With a _Bomb_, oh, how big! and how gay to the eye,
+ Yachts, cots, and what-nots, all be-gilt, and be-famed,
+ What a strange mode of life!--and I groan'd out a sigh!--
+ While the shops are half shut, and we scarce hear a sound,
+ But Taxgath'rers knocking, while going their dull round!
+
+ On pretence of Necessity, frequent large dips
+ In my now emptied pockets have made me repine;
+ In vain does Retrenchment rise up to my lips,
+ The ------ must _live_, though starvation be mine--
+ Though my shop be deserted, and heard not a sound,
+ But Taxgath'rers knocking, while going their dull round!
+
+{235}
+
+PUBLISHED THIS DAY.
+
+BLACKGUARD'S EDINBURGH MAGAZINE;
+
+Or, THE HAGGIS BAG.
+
+
+I. Guard' a low.--II. Lines suggested by the sight of a Gallows, with
+some friends of ours.--III. The Golden Bull, or Second Sight, by Sir
+Walter Scott.--IV. Charlie's Return, or the Welcome, by ditto.--V. The
+Editor's Fudge-it.--VI. Auld Reekies Mawwalliip for the Londoners.--VII.
+Chaldee Manuscript, Part II. by James Hogg, the Aye-trick
+Shepherd.--VIII. Liar Bacon; ditto.--IX. The Broken Heart; a
+Merriment.--X. A Gallop on the Grave of Keats.--XI. Mode of Applying
+Torture to the Mind.--XII. Philosophy of Self, No. I; by the
+Publisher.--XIII. A Grey Head brought in sorrow to the Grave; a
+Capital Joke.--XIV. Cowardice made easy to the meanest capacity, by
+Mr. Lackheart.--XV. On the probable injurious Influence of Moral
+and Religious Instruction on our Character and Circulation; by the
+Publisher.--XVI. Any Man's Privacy, every Man's Property.--XVII. The
+Loathing Bull, or the Widow's Cow; a Sentiment.--XVIII. Elegy on
+Henry IX., King of England.--XIX. Pleasures of Malignity, by Mr.
+Lackheart.--XX. The Grave Digger, No. 101.--XXI. The Bum Boat, No.
+17.--XXII. The Scottish Regalia; an old Wife's Tale.--XXIII. A few
+words to that immense body of Mankind, who refuse to hand us the
+siller.--XXIV. Works we are preparing for Suffocation.--XXV. Monthly
+List of Jew Publications.--XXVI. Monthly Wretched-stir.
+
+A PERTICULAR FAC.
+
+We hae muckle fear for the weal o' the Cantry o'Breetan, frae the great
+deal o' ill huiks, like unto the deil's buiks, and the like o'that. We
+hae juist glowred o'er a wee bnikee, a verra bad buik indeed--a verra
+bad buifc. An' we are verra sorey to say, there are money o' sic bad
+buiks, fu' o-' daflin, trying to thraw contemp upo' the thron an'
+the halter, ca'ing the Lord Provost a full, an' the Lord Advocate nae
+better, and a' the great folk pawkie loons; an' we can compare't to
+naething but the muckle black de'il fiddling thro' the toon. As sic
+is the case, it's nae for the siller we're writing, but oot o' pure
+lawyellty an' patriotism for the guid o' the Cantry. Gin the silly
+peeple keun'd what wa'd be guid for them, they wa'd nae fash themsels
+aboot learning to read ava, or read naething but our Maggy-zeen, an' we
+hope to see the day whan there'll be naething but our Maggy-zeen read
+thro' a' the Cantry; for we are fermly persuaded that the folk are
+turning o'er learned, an' we are aye endeavoring to write them doon to
+the state o' happy ignorance an' respectfu' submission that they war in,
+whan the guid-wife wad say to her ain guid man, 'Git up, Donald, and be
+hangit, an' dinna anger the laird!' It's naething but right and proper
+that King Geordie an' his _Mean-astres_ s'ud juist hae their ain gait
+o't in a' things 'as the Cat had wi' the haggis:--ate the pudden, an'
+gaed to sleep i' the bag!' For an it be na sae, we're muckle afeerd that
+his most gracious _Mad-jestie_ winna be aible to eat his parritch, an'
+scrach himsel' in safety.
+
+N. B. We hae great help _in preevat_ frae Sir Wattie, who
+_conn'd-his-ends de'el-hight-fully_, an' his guid-son, Maister
+Lackheart, is our perticular freend an' contra-booter; an' Maister
+Blackguard drives that 'Jacobite Relic' Jamie Hogg, the aye-trick
+Sheepherd, juist as he likes. And sae we'll hae mony delectfu' extracts
+fra' the buiks prentit in Niddry's Wynd, an' a wallet o' ballets
+pruiving the truith o' the sayen o' his _Mad-jestie_ King Jamie the
+Saxt, that 'to scratch whare it etches is o'er muckle luck-surie for a
+mere sabject.'
+
+_Edinburgh: Printed for W. Blackwood, 17, Princes-street._
+
+*****
+
+In thin Quarto,
+
+A VISION OF WANT OF JUDGMENT. By SLOBBER'D
+
+MOUTHEY, Esq. Hell, Hell, D--; Poet Sorry-head, Mumbler of the Royal
+Spanish Satiety, of the Satieties of every other place, of the Royal
+Order of Turncoats, and of an eminent Welch Obscurity {236}
+
+A NEW VISION,
+
+By ROBERT SOUTHEY, Esq.! LL.D.!!
+
+Poet Laureate!!! &c.!!!! &c.!!!!! &c.!!!!!!
+
+ 'Twas at that sober hour when the light of day is receding,
+ I alone in Slop's Office was left; and, in trouble of spirit,
+ I mused on old times, till my comfort of heart had departed.
+ Pensile at least I shall be, methought--_sus. per coll._ surely!
+ And therewithal felt I my neckcloth; when lo! on a sudden,
+ There came on my eyes, hanging mid-way 'twixt heav'n and St. James's,
+ The book call'd the _Pension List_. There did I see my name written,
+ Yea ev'n in that great book of life! It was sweet to my eyelids,
+ As dew from a tax! and _Infinity_ seem'd to be open,
+ And I said to myself, 'Now a blessing be on thee, my Robert!
+ And a blessing on thee too my pen! and on thee too my sack-but!'
+ Now, as thus I was standing, mine ear heard a rap at the street-door,
+ Ev'n such as a man might make bold with, half gentle half footman;
+ And lo! up the stairs, dotting one, one, after the other,
+ Came the leg of a wonder, hop! hop! through the silence of evening;
+ And then a voice snarling from the throat of the him they call Murray,
+ Who said, as he hopp'd, 'Must the _Muck Times_ be mournful at _all_ times?
+ Lo, SLOP, I've a sop, for your mop; yes--hop! hop! I've a _story_,
+ With which I'll light _you_ up, if you'll light me, Slop, up another.'
+ 'Don't be so _bold!_ methought a _larking_ voice from the skylight
+ Answer'd, and therewithal I felt fear as of frightening;
+ Knowing not why, or how, my soul seem'd night-cap to my body.
+ Then came again the voice, but then with a louder squalling--
+ 'Go to hell,' said the voice. 'What!,' said I, inwardly, 'I go!'
+ When lo, and behold, a great wonder!--I, I, Robert Southey,
+ Even I, Robert Southey, Esquire, LL.D. Poet Laureate,
+ Member of the Royal Spanish Academy, of the
+ Ditto of history too, of the Institute Royal
+ Of Dutchland, and eke of the Welch Cymmodorion wonder,
+ Author of Joan of Arc, of much Jacobin Verse, and Wat Tyler,
+ Et caetera, et caetera, et caetera, et caetera, et caetera,
+ (For it's unknown all the things that I am, and have written),
+ I, as I said before, ev'n I, by myself, I,
+ Unlike, in that single respect, to my great master Dante,
+ (For Virgil went with him to help him), but like in all others,
+ Rush'd up into Paradise boldly, which angels themselves don't,
+ Yea ev'n into Paradise rush'd I, through showers of _flimsies_,
+ All as good as the Bank, and for hailstones I found there were _Sovereigns_,
+ Spick and span new; and anon was a body all glorified,
+ Even all the great Host both of Church and State, Crosses, Grand Crosses,
+ Commanders, Companions, and Knights of all possible orders,
+ Commons and Peers, the souls of the sold, whom Pensions made perfect,
+
+
+DOCTOR
+
+[Illustration: 245]
+
+[Illustration: 246]
+
+
+Flocking {239}on either hand, a multitudinous army,
+
+Coronet, Crosier, and Mitre, in grand semicircle inclining,
+
+Tier over tier they took their place, aloft in the distance,
+
+Far as the sight could pierce, Stars, Garters, and Gold Sticks.
+
+From among the throng bless'd, all full dress'd, in a Field Marshal's
+uniform, Rose one, with a bow serene, who, aloft, took his station;
+
+Before him the others crouch'd down, all inclining in concert,
+
+Bent like a bull-rush sea, with a wide and a manifold motion:
+
+There he stood in the midst alone; and in front was the presence,
+
+With periwig curling and gay, and a swallow-cut coat-tail.
+
+Hear ye of long ears! Lo! in that place was _Canning_,
+
+He who strengthens the Church and State, with his Manton's
+hair-triggers, And sneers on his lips, and eyes leering, and _rupturous_
+speeches;
+
+With him Fletcher Franklin I saw, and Sir Robert, my namesake,
+
+Worthy the name! even Baker, Sir Robert, of Bow-street;
+
+And Gifford, with face made of lachrymose, savage and feeble,
+
+Who delighteth with Croker to cut up men, women, and young men,
+
+And therefore did Hazlitt cut him up, and so he stood mangled.
+
+There, too, brocaded and satin'd, stood smiling and bowing,
+
+With Court-mask'd appearance, the Fearful One, him of Triangle!
+
+And there, too, the Foolish one, far-conscienced, the Doctor!
+
+And I saw in the vision, the Generals, Sol. and Attorney;
+
+And Sacchi, was there too and him surnamed _Non mi Ricordo_;
+
+And Mad'moiselle Daemon, and Barbara Kress, and Rastelli;
+
+And Mister, and Mister-ess Jessop, and eke the Miss Jessups;
+
+And Mar-Ai' H--, and M-ss C-m, also;
+
+And Mrs. Fitz--t, and C--ch; and in sooth all the Beauties
+
+Of the 'Georgian age,' except Robinson Mary,
+
+Whom great G. first sent to the D--, and little G. after,
+
+Namely Gifford, who smote at her sorely, yea, ev'n at her crutches,
+
+So that she fell in her grave, and said, 'Cover me kind earth!'
+
+And the great minded Cl---- was there, looking like to Behemoth;
+
+And the Lauderdale disinterested, great Scotch standard-bearer,
+
+And there, too, the king's much-conspired-against-stationer, King,
+stood, The Lord Mayor of Dublin, who sendeth his Majesty's whiskey;
+
+And the Members of Orange Clubs all, anti-Irish shullelahs;
+
+And a heav'nly assembly of parsons, some, lately, expectant--
+
+Parson Hey? Parson B. called, otherwise, Parson Black-cow, divine brute!
+Parson C. alias Croly, or Crawley, or Coronaroly,
+
+Who putteth forth innocent pamphlet? on pure coronations,
+
+Expecteth Milleniums, and laudeth the Blackguard of Blackwood's,
+
+And looketh both lofty and slavish, a dreaminess high-nosed,
+
+As if he had, under the chin been, by worshipful men, chuck'd;
+
+And great Parson Eat--n V--slone, who'd swallow any thing surely;
+
+And the _Manchester Yeomanry Cavalry_, riding down women;
+
+And Alderman Atkins, with Curtis, that big belly-gerent;
+
+And Flower, and Bridges, C. Smith, and the rest of the Bridge Gang;
+
+All cloth'd for the heav'nly occasion in their best Indictments!
+
+And there all the Lottery-contractors, and such like, were also;
+
+And there {240}Mr. Strong-i-th'-arm, his Majesty's Seal-Engraver, was
+also; And they all who forged, lo! the French Assignats, were there
+also;
+
+And the Court-newsman also was there--
+
+(The Spirit now bids me write prose, but that, you know's all the same
+thine;) And Colburn with his Muck Monthly Magazine was there;
+
+And Ward, the Animal Painter, with a piece of spoil'd canvas, 35 feet
+wide by 21, was there;
+
+But Bird who, most disloyally, died of a broken heart, was not there;
+
+And the Duke of Wellington, with the Sword of State, was there;
+
+And Sir John Silvester, the Recorder of London, and his assistant, were
+there; And Messrs. Uundell and Bridge, the Jewellers who repair'd the
+Crown, were there;
+
+And the Pigtails out off from his Majesty's guards were there;
+
+And the Guards themselves in their neat uniforms, and new white
+gaiters, were there;
+
+And the State Coach and Coachmen and Horses were there;
+
+And the other Ministers of State in their new State Liveries were there;
+And the Clerks of the Council and the two Silver Inkstands were there;
+And all the Gentlemen of the Stock Exchange were there;
+
+And all the Gentlemen of the Shipping Interest were there;
+
+And all the Gentlemen of the Landed Interest were there;
+
+But all the people without Interest were not there;
+
+And all the Peers who voted the Queen of England guilty were-there;
+
+And all the Ministerial Members of the House of Commons were there; And
+Dr. Slop with 'fresh fig-leaves for Adam and Ere' was there;
+
+And the Royal Proclamation against Vice and Immorality was pasted up
+there. And behold, while I read it, thinking to put it, excellent as it
+was, Into language still better,
+
+Methought, in my vision, I dreamt--dream within dream intercircled--And
+seem'd to be hurried away, by a vehement whirlwind,
+
+To Flames and Sulphurous Darkness, where certain of my Minor Poems were
+scorching,
+
+Yet unconsum'd, in penal fire; and so was I purified
+
+For deeds done in the flesh, being, through them, burnt by proxy!
+
+There, too, roasted the Bishop of Osnaburgh's Doxy,
+
+But the Righteous-one, _the Prince Bishop himself_, was in Heaven;
+
+And two Boots were there, as a burnt-offering for peccadillo,
+
+But the Owner thereof was a glorified spirit above,
+
+Where, as in duty bound, I had sung to him 'Twang-a-dillo,
+
+He that loves a pretty girl, is a hearty good fellow!'
+
+And in Torment (but here the blest rage of the bard returns on me)
+
+And in torment was She, who, on earth, had been also tormented By Him
+who is never, nor can be accused, of aught vicious;
+
+With her were the friends of my childhood--not leaving out Coleridge;
+And they who were kill'd by the Manchester Yeomanry also;
+
+And Truth, the whole Truth, nothing but the Truth, suffered the burning.
+Then I turn'd my meek eyes, in their gladness, to Heaven, and my place
+there, And ascending, I flew back to Paradise, singing of Justice;
+
+Where, fill'd with divine expectation of merited favour,
+
+{241}
+
+The gathering host look'd to him, in whom all their hopes center'd,
+
+As the everlasting hand; and I, too, press'd forward to obtain--
+
+But old recollections withheld me;--down, down, dropp'd my sack-but, And
+my feet, methought, slid, and I fell precipitate. Starting,
+
+Then I awoke, with my hair up, and lo! my young days were before me,
+Dark yet distinct; but instead of the voice of the honest,
+
+I hoard only Murray's yap', yap! and hap! hop! through the silence of
+evening: Yap! hop! and hop! yap!--and hence came the hop, step, and
+jump, of my verses.
+
+
+[Illustration: 249]
+
+
+BOROUGH-BRIDGE REFORM.
+
+The the Ancient and Honourable Corporation of Boroughmongers, in
+Parlaverment assembled, THE PETITION of the Ancient and Honourable
+Corporation of London Bridge in Arches assembled,
+
+Hombly sheweth,
+
+That, for some time past, an opinion has prevailed, that your
+Petitioners' _Arches_ are narrow and decayed, and that their continuance
+in their present state is attended with an unnecessary annual expense,
+and loss of lives.
+
+That, in consequence of this opinion, a large body of persons assembled
+for Bridge Reform, have insisted upon the necessity of widening your
+Petitioners' _Arches_, and have actually erected, in your Petitioners'
+neighbourhood, a new bridge, with arches calculated to give free course
+to the whole tide, and a safe and uninterrupted public communication--to
+the great scandal of your Petitioners.
+
+That your Petitioners' Arches, and the Borough Arches of your Honourable
+Structure, are the production of one and the same mind.
+
+That your Honourable Structure being a model of perfection, your
+Petitioners have, therefore, a right to presume that their Bridge is
+also a model of perfection.
+
+That your Petitioners, respectfully referring to the enlightened
+declaration of the Emperor of Austria, that what is ancient is good,
+humbly beg leave to represent, that it is essential to the permanence of
+your Honourable Structure in its present state, to stop the progress of
+all enlargement.
+
+And your Petitioners humbly pray, that the Right Hon. George Canning may
+be assigned advocate in their behalf, to convince the Public that your
+Petitioners' Arches are exactly as numerous, as narrow, and as decayed
+as they ought-to-be; which office your Petitioners have no doubt the said
+Right Hon. Gent. will gladly undertake, upon being allowed to receive an
+ample toll.
+
+AND YOUR PETITIONERS, as in uniformity found, will ever pray for Your
+Honourable Structure.
+
+{242}
+
+ADVERTISEMENTS
+
+TO ACCOUNTANTS and Others. Any Persons who will undertake to unravel the
+Financial ACCOUNTS of Messrs. VAN and Co. to the understanding of the
+Parties interested in their Affairs, may have CONSTANT EMPLOY. Apply
+to Mr. Bull, who is concerned for the Creditors, at the Pawnbrokers, in
+Capel-court.
+
+*****
+
+REVOLUTIONARY WIG.
+
+The late Mr. Sergeant Copley's wig-maker begs leave to inform gentlemen
+of the profession, that he has completely succeeded in overcoming
+the difficulty so long complained of by gentlemen at the bar, who are
+desirous of _turning_ without discomposure; for proof whereof he refers
+by permission to the Solicitor General and the Chief Justice of Chester,
+who, for a long time, could not turn at all, but now revolve perfectly
+at ease.
+
+*****
+
+*****
+
+[Illustration: 250]
+
+WARREN'S BLACK-RAT BLACKING.
+
+CHARLES WARREN, of CHESTER-PLACE, with the utmost diffidence, publicly
+announces his successful discovery. By the first application of his
+varnish to BOOTS, he saw his own face in them, with a Judge's wig on his
+head; and he assures his old friends, who he knows will take his word
+for it, that the reflection was so strong, it almost knocked him back.
+He earnestly desires their approbation, and solicits their favour in his
+new shop. He humbly begs they will support him as much as they can. His
+going round among strangers is insupportable to him, unless he can get a
+few of his former friends to accompany him.
+
+*****
+
+GOLDEN OINTMENT FOR THE EYES. This invaluable
+
+Ointment enables the patient to see in the dark.
+
+(CASE.)
+
+DEAR SIR; "Keswick, Cumberland, 19th July, 1821.
+
+"Your invaluable ointment being strongly recommended to me some years
+ago, I was induced to try a box. Its effects were astonishing!--I
+immediately looked two ways at once, and saw my way clear to the
+Laureateship. I have seen in the dark ever since! Without its powerful
+operation I could never have obtained the degree of LL.D. Please to send
+some in the usual way by _Van_, as I find it utterly impossible to live
+without it, and recommend it to all my relations.
+
+"I am, dear Sir, your's,
+
+"R. SOUTHEY, Esq. LL. D.
+
+"Poet Laureate; Member of the Royal Spanish Academy; of the Royal
+Spanish Academy of History; of The Royal Institute of the Netherlands;
+of the Cymmodorion, &c. Author of Wat Tyler, Joan of Arc, Minor Poems."
+
+==> Prepared in _Crown_ boxes, by Mr. GEORGE KING, No. 4, at the
+Toy-shop, Constitution-hill, near the bottom.
+
+*****
+
+LOST, THE BALANCE OF EUROPE, as privately adjusted, according to a pair
+of pocket scales, by the Marquess of, Londonderry; it was last seen on
+a piece of paper at Laybach. Please to bring it to the Foreign Office.
+{243}
+
+[Illustration: 251]
+
+THE MAGNIFICENT PYRAMID, erected by the wisdom, labour, property, and
+lives of our forefathers, has been completely REVERSED. Architects, well
+enough acquainted with the structure to undertake its RESTORATION, will
+be allowed any time they desire for a work of such vast magnitude, but
+it must be undertaken immediately, as it is shored up in its present
+INVERTED STATE at an immense annual expense, with frail materials.
+Testimonials of the greatest respectability for capacity and character,
+and security for completion of the task, without further injury to the
+ornament at the apex, will be required. Apply to the Board of Control.
+
+*****
+
+CONVULSIONS, &c.
+
+A REAL BLESSING--THE AMERICAN SOOTHING
+
+SYRUP, an infallible Remedy for CONVULSIONS, affording immediate ease
+in disorders of the Constitution, and healing multitudes in the most
+desponding condition....
+
+Such are the virtues of this healing Balm for assuaging misery and
+anguish in the suffering, that innumerable impositions have been
+practised. It is, therefore, requisite to notice, that the genuine
+article has the word Liberty on the seal.--Prepared, as usual, by the
+assigns of Messrs. Franklin, Washington, and Co. from the original
+recipe, and may be had genuine in _America-square_.
+
+If ever there was a blessing sent from Heaven for the relief of the
+suffering, the American Soothing Syrup claims the pre-eminence. The poor
+relieved gratis.
+
+N. B. It has been discovered that the American Soothing Syrup is an
+infallible TEST FOR SOVEREIGNS. It in no way blemishes a good one, but
+discovers the baseness of a bad one immediately. {244}
+
+*****
+
+SCHOOLS FOR ALL.
+
+USEFUL INSTRUCTION having hitherto been chiefly confined to the
+Productive Classes, and many in the Upper Ranks still remaining in a
+deplorable state of ignorance, it is intended to establish SCHOOLS FOR
+THE HIGHER ORDERS, in order that, by being equally well-informed with
+the rest of the community, the plea of ignorance may no longer be
+allowed as an excuse for want of knowledge in the duties of life.
+Further information may be had of the printer.
+
+[Illustration: 252]
+
+UNIVERSAL SAFETY LAMP.
+
+"One unclouded blaze of living light."
+
+THE COMBINATION AGAINST THIS LAMP renders it necessary to state some
+of its advantages. The best of the Common Parish Lamps, so universally
+complained of for their dulness, do little more than render darkness
+visible, and assist the perpetration of crime. If their forms are
+occasionally varied by lacquer and varnish, and rendered pleasing to
+the eye, their light is not improved in the smallest degree; and they
+require a multitude of hands to feed and trim them, at a most enormous
+expense; while THE "UNIVERSAL SAFETY" LAMP diffuses a brilliant and
+steady lustre, and a genial warmth equal to the solar beam. It eclipses
+every other brightness. The only inconvenience complained of by the
+nervous and fastidious is, that its flame sometimes rises during a
+storm, and emits a small portion of smoke, but this vapour ceases almost
+immediately after the agitation has subsided. _It is constructed on an
+unerring principle of Self-regulation; it cannot be extinguished by any
+power on earth, and will Last for Ever_. {245}
+
+[Illustration: 253]
+
+THE NEW INDIAN JUGGLER.
+
+THIS CELEBRATED PERFORMER, whose early operations in Asia, and
+subsequent slight-of-hand in Europe, have rendered him notorious, will
+perform the first opportunity. If he has the consent of his landlady's
+friends, he will put the sword down her throat, and keep it there as
+long as he pleases--the like not exhibited in England. He will then
+set the balls a-flying like winged messengers. These tricks, with
+permission, he is ready to exhibit. Further particulars in future
+Advertisements.
+
+*****
+
+GENERAL ORDERS.
+
+14th July, 1821.
+
+IT is Ordered, that there be delivered to every private Soldier, now in
+his Majesty's Service, or who may be hereafter enlisted therein, a copy
+of the New Testament, with the 5th, 6th, and 7th chapters of Matthew cut
+out, and the Articles of War stitched in their place: and any Soldier
+who shall pawn or sell the said New Testament without first taking out
+the said Articles of War, and keeping them for his own use, shall suffer
+death.
+
+*****
+
+SERVICE CLUB.
+
+Resolved, 14th July, 1821.
+
+THAT an English Artisan is a scamp and a ragamuffin, until a profit has
+been had out of a red coat, which, when put on his back at the public
+expense, suddenly transforms him into the bravest and finest fellow in
+the world. E. PAULET.
+
+*****
+
+CORN PLAISTER.
+
+*****
+
+THIS SOOTHING ARTICLE being entirely exhausted, the Select Committee
+of the House of Commons, on Agricultural Distress, will be glad of the
+smallest quantity, that they may dispense it to the various sufferers
+throughout the country.
+
+*****
+
+WASTE PA PER and PARCHMENT, consisting of the Petitions for a REFORM
+in the Representation, to be sold in quantities--not less than a ton
+weight.
+
+==> May be viewed, and particulars had, at the Parliament Coffee-House.
+{246}
+
+[Illustration: 254]
+
+THE TENTHS, or KING'S OWN. Persons willing to contract for the purpose
+of furnishing this active Legion with FORAGE, and supplying the Mess,
+may apply to the Barrack-Master-General, Lambeth.
+
+*****
+
+THE REV. S. PIGGOTT, A.M. Curate and Lecturer of St. James's,
+Clerkenwell, and St. Antholin's, Watling-street, WANTS A PLACE. He has
+written Prayers for Families, a Guide to the Altar, and an Example
+of Conversion by the Common Prayer Book; named the Queen the _German_
+Helen; represented her with a lighted torch, reaching at the Bible and
+the Crown to destroy them; called her "Old Mother Red Cap;" hung her
+head up as a sign to a public-house, with a gross allusion to Bergami;
+said her infamy was fixed; and made her Majesty exclaim, that--
+
+ "Thrice she'd expire in Matthew's arms,
+ Would but the hangman Matthew spare!"
+
+Further particulars can be given by his Treasurer, Charles Bicknell,
+Esq. Solicitor to the Admiralty, 3, Spring-garden Terrace, on whom all
+demands on account of the Rev. S. Piggott's Loyal Association should
+be made; but all monies due or owing thereto, are requested to be paid
+immediately to the Rev. S. Piggott only.
+
+==> More information respecting his clerical labours hereafter.
+
+*****
+
+WANTED TO GO ABROAD, a stout, active, stonehearted young man, of a
+serious turn, as an apprentice in the military business, and to assist
+as a missionary.
+
+==> Apply at the Bishop and Bayonet, Westminster.
+
+*****
+
+A CAUTION.
+
+A SLOW BUT SURE POISON, which gradually insinuates itself into the
+system, and will utterly destroy a human being, is now making frightful
+ravages. Its common name is CANT. Some _blacks_ deliver it in the lump,
+and a certain _lawyer_ has been seen to part with it in the form of
+globules. It is most subtle when laminated, and unfortunately is to be
+found in that state spread over a large portion of the community. NOTICE
+IS HEREBY GIVEN, that the effluvia from the infected is contagious.
+
+N. B. The most certain symptom of the presence of the poison is,
+prostration of mind.
+
+"Please to remember the _Grotto!_"
+
+{247}
+
+[Illustration: 255]
+
+PRIESTIANITY.
+
+As a grateful return to the Productive Classes of England, For bread,
+meat, beer, cellars of wines, rich furniture, luxurious equipages,
+princely palaces, clothing of purple and fine linen, and faring
+sumptuously every day, during the whole of their ecclesiastical lives,
+out of the people's labour, the following ten prelates have become
+members of the anti-social association in Bridge-street:--
+
+The Bishop of Gloucester
+
+-- Llandaff
+
+-- Peterborough
+
+The Bishop of Bangor
+
+-- Carlisle
+
+-- Chester
+
+-- Durham
+
+--Ely
+
+St. David's York
+
+*****
+
+Dr. Maltus has received a Prize for his Essay on the Moral Restraint of
+War, the Blessings of Famine, the Advantages of Pestilence, the Comforts
+of Disease, and the Piety of Decease.
+
+Bp. Tommy O'Linn has a Faculty for copying the newspapers into an
+original Life of Mr. Pitt.
+
+Bp. Van Mill-dirt is collated to a Dinnery for telling which side his
+bread is buttered on in the dark.
+
+*****
+
+Published for the Benefit of the Clergy,
+
+THE ART OF CONDUCTING WAR ON CHRISTIAN PRINCIPLES.
+
+Shortly will be published, for the Use of Schools,
+
+*****
+
+PRIESTIANITY and CHRISTIANITY COMPARED; or,
+
+A Parallel between the Principles of Christianity and the Practice of
+Priestianity.
+
+*****
+
+EMPERIAL PALAVERMENT
+
+HOUSE OF TOPS.--Whenstheday.
+
+Ordered, That after the adjournment of the House to-day, strangers
+be accommodated with seats until the sitting of the House
+to-morrow.--Adjourned.
+
+*****
+
+HOUSE OF BOTTOMS.
+
+Moved and Seconded, That the following words he stereotyped by the
+printer to the House, and sent to all the newspapers for the convenience
+of reporting the Manager's speeches, viz.
+
+"He should not follow the hon. member into any of the various points
+of his extended speech, but content himself with moving an adjournment,
+resting fully satisfied upon the wisdom of the House for a proper
+decision of the question when it came regularly before them."--Agreed to
+without a division.--Adjourned.--
+
+*****
+
+Substance of the Bills for Restraining the Press.--Kneor Gagret, the
+pseudo ump alor al'Ainbassadereux, roseat ul purpe et Suheance du
+Balles au Pres,--Volumptuanuni et geordibus non et est ecclaribus
+tandem etpriorus au clericus pooribus, that is to say, Castigatus videm
+Literorumme-a'-Presserorumme-a'-Exposerumet vi al quid o'tobacce au
+sycophantussum hark! Contriorium, etc. etc.!!!
+
+*****
+
+Receipt to make an Attorney-General.--Take a _little_ man with an eye to
+his preferment. It is not necessary that he should be much of a lawyer,
+provided that he be a _Rat_. He must have docility sufficient to do any
+thing; and _if the period should arrive, when power can make rules and
+laws for the evident purpose of gratifying malignity_, he should be one
+who should be ready to advise or consent to _the creation of new cases,
+and be able to defend new remedies for them_, though they militate
+against every principle of reason, equity, and justice.--Rolliad, p.
+433.
+
+*****
+
+[Advertisement.]--Real Brunswick Man sent (carriage free) from the Horse
+Guards to all parts of the Kingdom, at an hour's notice.
+
+[Advertisement.]--We are authorized to contradict a report that Mr.
+Vansittart, in his Speech at the last Bible Society Meeting, endeavoured
+to induce the members to refrain from the purchase of shares and tickets
+in the ensuing Lottery.
+
+[Advertisement.]--Connoisseurs in the Arts of Design will be gratified
+to hear, that an assemblage of the Old Masters in different states, will
+shortly be submitted to the hammer.
+
+*****
+
+PROMOTION.--The Press to be the Board of Confront.
+
+BIRTH.
+
+At the Den, in Bridge-street, John Reeves, esq. M.B.S.G. of a Ten Pound
+Note. It is not supposed he can recover.
+
+MARRIAGE.
+
+His Imperial Majesty Prince Despotism, in a consumption, to Her Supreme
+Antiquity, The Ignorance of Eighteen Centuries, in a decline. The bridal
+dresses were most superb.
+
+DEATH.
+
+His most Sacred Majesty Right Divine. His Legitimacy being declared
+illegitimate, he has no successor. He was the founder of the Oily
+Alliance and a sincere Priestian.
+
+Printed by and for W. Hone, 43, Ludgate Hill, London. {249}
+
+[Illustration: 257]
+
+A POLITICAL CHRISTMAS CAROL,
+
+TO BE CHAUNTED OR SUNG
+
+THROUGHOUT THE UNITED KINGDOM AND THE DOMINIONS BEYOND THE SEAS,
+
+BY ALL PERSONS THEREUNTO ESPECIALLY MOVED. {250}
+
+[Illustration: 258]
+
+THE CAROL.
+
+To be Sung exactly as set.
+
+ He 'turn'd his back upon himself
+ And straight to 'Lunnun' came,
+ To two two-sided Lawyers
+ With tidings of the same,
+ That our own land must 'prostrate stand'
+ Unless we praise his name--
+ For his practical' comfort and joy!
+
+ "Go fear not," said his L-p
+ "Let nothing you affright;
+ "Go draw your quills, and draw six Bills,
+ "Put out yon blaze of light:
+ "I'm able to advance you,
+ "Go stamp it out then quite--
+ "And give me some 'features' of joy!"
+
+ {251}
+
+ The Lawyers at those tidings
+ Rejoiced much in mind,
+ And left their friends a-staring
+ To go and raise the wind,
+ And straight went to the Taxing-men
+ And said "the Bills come find--
+ "For 'fundamental' comfort and joy!
+
+ The Lawyers found majorities
+ To do as they did say,
+ They found them at their mangers
+ Like oxen at their hay,
+ Some lying, and some kneeling down,
+ All to L--d C--h
+ For his practical' comfort and joy!
+
+ With sudden joy and gladness
+ Rat G--ff--d was beguiled,
+ They each sat at his L-p's side,
+ He patted them and smiled;
+ Yet C--pi--y, on his nether end,
+ Sat like a new born Child,--
+ But without either comfort or joy!
+
+ He thought upon his Father,
+ His virtues and his fame,
+ And how that father hoped from him
+ For glory to his name,
+ And as his chin dropp'd on his breast,
+ His pale cheeks burn'd with shame:--
+ He'll never more know comfort or joy!
+
+ {252}
+
+ Lord C----h cloth rule yon House,
+ And all who there do reign;
+ They've let us live this Christmas time---
+ D'ye think they will again?
+ They say they are our masters--
+ That's neither here, nor there:
+ God send us all a happy new year!
+
+[Illustration: 260]
+
+{253}
+
+[Illustration: 261]
+
+
+
+THE DOCTOR
+
+A PARODY WRITTEN BY THE RIGHT HONORABLE GEORGE CANNING, M. P.
+
+Lord FOLKESTONE confessed that there Had been a smile on his countenance
+at one part of the right honorable gentleman (Mr. CANNING)'s speech, and
+it seemed to him very extraordinary, even after the reconciliation that
+had taken place, to hear the right honorable gentleman stand up for the
+talents of that poor "Doctor" (Lord SIDMOUTH), who has so long been
+the butt of his most bitter and unsparing ridicule (_loud laughter and
+shouts of hear, hear_). Whether in poetry or prose, the great object of
+his derision, and that for want of ability and sense, was the noble lord
+whom he (Mr. CANNING) had so strenuously defended that night; and now
+forsooth, he wondered that any person could object to confide unlimited
+power in the hands of a person, according to his own former opinions,
+so likely to be duped and misled (hear, hear). Yes, the house would
+remember the lines in which, at different times, the right honorable
+gentleman (Mr CANNING), had been pleased to panegyrize his (Mr.
+CANNING's) noble friend (Lord SIDMOUTH) of which the following were not
+the worst:--
+
+ "I showed myself prime Doctor to the country;
+ My ends attain'd, my only aim has been
+ To keep my place, and gild my humble name."--
+
+(A laud laugh)
+
+Yes, this was the view the right honorable gentleman had once drawn of
+his noble friend, who was then described by him thus:--
+
+"My name's the Doctor; on the Berkshire hills," &c.
+
+[See the Parody below for the remainder of Lord Folkestone's
+Quotation--For his Lordship's Speech, see Evans's Debates, 1817, p.
+1568.]
+
+ My name's THE DOCTOR; on the Berkshire hills
+ My father purged his patients--a wise man,
+ Whose constant care was to increase his store,
+ And keep his eldest son--myself--at home.
+ But I had heard of Politics, and long'd
+ To sit within the Commons' House, and get
+ A place, and luck gave what my sire denied.
+
+{254}
+
+ Some thirteen years ago, or ere my fingers
+ Had learn'd to mix a potion, or to bleed,
+ _I flatterd Pitt: I cring'd, and sneak'd, and faun'd,_
+ And thus became the Speaker. I alone,
+ With pompous gait, and peruke full of wisdom,
+ Th' unruly members could control, or call The House to order.
+
+ Tir'd of the Chair, I sought a bolder flight,
+ And, grasping at his power, I struck my friend,
+ Who held that place which now I've made my own.
+ Proud of my triumph, I disdain'd to court
+ The patron hand which fed me--or to seem
+ Grateful to him who rais'd me into notice.
+
+ And, when the King had call'd his Parliament
+ With all my fam'ly crowding at my heels,
+ My brothers, cousins, followers and my son,
+ I show'd myself Prime Doctor to the country.
+ _My ends attain'd my only aim has been
+ To keep my place--and gild my humble name!_
+
+[Illustration: 262]
+
+
+{255}
+
+TO THE READER
+
+THE AUTHOR OF THE POLITICAL HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT, perceiving the
+multitude of attempts at Imitation and Imposture, occasioned by the
+unparalleled sale of that Jeu d'Esprit, injustice to the public and to
+himself, respect-fully states, that, induced by nearly forty years
+of the most confidential intimacy with Mr. HONE, and by the warmest
+friendship and affection for him and his family, he originally selected
+him for his publisher exclusively; that he has not suffered, nor will
+he suffer, a line of his writing to pass into the hands of any other
+Bookseller; and that his last, end owing to imperative claims upon his
+pen of a higher order, possibly his very last production in that way,
+will be found in The MAN IN THE MOON.
+
+*****
+
+SALE EXTRAORDINARY
+
+FREEHOLD PUBLIC HOUSES;
+
+Divided into Lots for the convenience of Purchasers.
+
+TO BE SOLD by Mr. HONE, at his House, No. 45, Ludgate Hill, THIS DAY,
+and following days until entirely disposed of,
+
+AN EXTENSIVE UNENCUMBERED FREEHOLD PROPERTY, in separate Lots. Each
+comprising a Capital well-accustomed hustling Free Public House, most
+desirably situated, being thoroughly established in very heart of
+England, and called by the Name or Sign of "The House that Jack Built."
+Served Forty Thousand Customers in the course of Six Weeks. Draws the
+Choicest Spirits, and is not in the mixing or whine way.
+
+The Feathers and Wellington Arms combining to injure this property
+by setting up Houses of Ill Fame, under the same sign, the Public are
+cautioned against them; they are easily known from the original House
+by their Customers being few in number, and of a description better
+understood than expressed.
+
+The present is an undeniable opportunity to persons wishing to improve
+their affairs, or desirous of entering into the public line; there being
+no Fixtures and the Coming-in easy.
+
+Immediate possession will be given in consideration of One Shilling of
+good and lawful money of the Realm, paid to any of the Booksellers of
+the United Kingdom.
+
+May be viewed; and Particulars had as above.
+
+
+{256}
+
+
+UNIVERSITY LITERATURE--With Thirteen Cats, price is.
+
+THE FIFTY-SECOND EDITION OF THE POLITICAL HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT.
+
+This Publication was entered at Stationers' Hall, and Copies were duly
+delivered, according to Act of Parliament, one being for the British
+Museum; yet it is held in such estimation by all ranks, from the mansion
+to the cottage, including men of high classical and literary attainment,
+that it is coveted by eminent and learned bodies for the purpose of
+being preserved and deposited in the other National Libraries, as
+appears by the following notice:--
+
+(COPY.) London, Jan. 26, 1820.
+
+Sir--I am authorised and requested to demand of you nine copies of the
+undermentioned Work--The Political House that Jack Built--for the use
+of the following Libraries and Universities:-- Bodleian; Cambridge; Sion
+College; Edinburgh; Advocates' Library, Edinburgh; Glasgow; Aberdeen;
+St. Andrew's; Trinity College, and the King's Inns, Dublin.
+
+I am, Sir, your obedient servant,
+
+GEORGE GREENHILL, Warehouse-keeper to the Company of Stationers.
+
+To Mr. WM. HONE, Ludgate-hill.
+
+This "authorized" and official "demand" on behalf of the Universities
+and Public Libraries, was immediately complied with; and to save those
+distinguished bodies the trouble of a similar application for "THE MAN
+IN THE MOON," copies of that work were also sent with the copies of the
+Political House that Jack Built, so demanded "for their use."
+
+A SUPERIOR EDITION OF THE POLITICAL HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT, _is
+now published, printed on fine Vellum Drawing Paper, with the Cuts
+handsomely_ COLOURED, Price 3s.--The same Edition plain, Price 2s.
+
+*****
+
+Withdrawn from the Press,
+
+A LETTER TO THE SOLICITOR GENERAL. By WILLIAM HONE.
+
+Since the announcement of this Publication, the attack of the
+Solicitor-General upon the Juries of my Country has drawn down upon that
+Gentleman, within the walls of Parliament, such deserved animadversion
+as to render superfluous any interference on my part.
+
+Two years have elapsed since I broke away from the toils; and it seems
+the escape of the destined victim is never to be forgiven! The cause of
+which the Solicitor-General is unexpectedly the gratuitous advocate, has
+taken appropriate refuge in the snug precincts of Gatton. There let it
+wither!
+
+The verdicts of my Juries require no other vindication than a faithful
+recital of the grounds on which they were founded. From the period
+at which those verdicts were pronounced, and with a view to that
+vindication, I have been unremittingly employed in the collection and
+arrangement of rare and curious materials which the Solicitor-General's
+attack will induce me to extend to
+
+A COMPLETE HISTORY OF PARODY.
+
+This History I purpose to bring out, very speedily, _with extensive
+graphic illustrations,_ and I flatter myself it will answer the various
+purposes of satisfying the expectations of my numerous and respectable
+subscribers--of justifying my own motives in publishing the Parodies--of
+throwing a strong light upon the presumable motives of my prosecutors in
+singling me out from my Noble and Right Honorable Fellow Parodists--of
+holding up Trial by Jury to the increased love and veneration of the
+British People--and above all, of making every calumny upon the verdicts
+of three successive, honorable, and intelligent Juries recoil upon
+the slanderer, be he who he may, that dares to asperse them. W. HONE.
+Ludgate-Hill, March, 1820.
+
+Printed by W. Hone, 45, Ludgate-Hill.
+
+[Illustration: 266]
+
+Till now I never understood the reason of the policy and prurience of
+the Spaniards in suffering the Inquisition among them; and certainly it
+will never be well with ax till something like the Spanish Inquisition
+be in England.'--Recorder of London at the Old Bailey
+
+THE "DAMNABLE ASSOCIATION;" on, THE INTERNAL INQUISITION OF BLACK FRIARS
+
+An Interior View of the DEN in Bridge Street, with the GANG at Work.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Pamphlets and Parodies on Political
+Subjects, by William Hone
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PAMPHLETS AND PARODIES ***
+
+***** This file should be named 44520.txt or 44520.zip *****
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