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Hart +and may be reprinted only when these Etexts are free of all fees.] +[Project Gutenberg is a TradeMark and may not be used in any sales +of Project Gutenberg Etexts or other materials be they hardware or +software or any other related product without express permission.] + +*END THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.10/04/01*END* + + + + + +This etext was produced by Pat Castevans <patcat@ctnet.net> +and David Widger <widger@cecomet.net> + + + + + +SANDRA BELLONI + +By George Meredith + + + +BOOK 5 + +XXXIV. INDICATES THE DEGRADATION OF BROOKFIELD, TOGETHER + WITH CERTAIN PROCEEDINGS OF THE YACHT +XXXV. MRS. CHUMP'S EPISTLE +XXXVI. ANOTHER PITFALL OF SENTIMENT +XXXVII. EMILIA'S FLIGHT. +XXXVIII. SHE CLINGS TO HER VOICE +XXXIX. HER VOICE FAILS + + + +CHAPTER XXXIV + +Lady Charlotte was too late for Emilia, when she went forth to her to +speak for Wilfrid. She found the youth Braintop resting heavily against +a tree, muttering to himself that he had no notion where he was, as an +excuse for his stationary posture, while the person he presumed he should +have detained was being borne away. Near him a scrap of paper lay on the +ground, struck out of darkness by long slips of light from the upper +windows. Thinking this might be something purposely dropped, she took +possession of it; but a glance subsequently showed her that the writing +was too fervid for a female hand. "Or does the girl write in that way?" +she thought. She soon decided that it was Wilfrid who had undone her +work in the line of thirsty love-speech. "How can a little fool read +them and not believe any lie that he may tell!" she cried to herself. +She chose to say contemptuously: "It's like a child proclaiming he is +hungry." That it was couched in bad taste she positively conceived-- +taking the paper up again and again to correct her memory. The +termination, "Your lover," appeared to her, if not laughable, revolting. +She was uncertain in her sentiments at this point. + +Was it amusing? or simply execrable? Some charity for the unhappy +document Lady Charlotte found when she could say: "I suppose this is the +general run of the kind of again." "Was it?" she reflected; and drank at +the words again. "No," she came to think; "men don't commonly write as +he does, whoever wrote this." She had no doubt that it was Wilfrid. By +fits her wrath was directed against him. "It's villany," she said. But +more and more frequently a crouching abject longing to call the words her +own--to have them poured into her heart and brain--desire for the +intoxication of the naked speech of love usurped her spirit of pride, +until she read with envious tears, half loathing herself, but fascinated +and subdued: "Mine! my angel! You will see me to-morrow.--Your Lover." + +Of jealousy she felt very little--her chief thought coming like a wave +over her: "Here is a man that can love!" + +She was a woman of chaste blood, which spoke to her as shyly as a girl's, +now that it was in tumult: so indeed that, pressing her heart, she +thought youth to have come back, and feasted on the exultation we have +when, at an odd hour, we fancy we have cheated time. The sensation of +youth and strength seemed to set a seal of lawfulness and naturalness, +hitherto wanting, on her feeling for Wilfrid. "I can help him," she +thought. "I know where he fails, and what he can do. I can give him +position, and be worth as much as any woman can be to a man." Thus she +justified the direction taken by the new force in her. + +Two days later Wilfrid received a letter from Lady Charlotte, saying that +she, with a chaperon, had started to join her brother at the yacht- +station, according to appointment. Amazed and utterly discomfited, he +looked about for an escape; but his father, whose plea of sickness had +kept him from pursuing Emilia, petulantly insisted that he should go down +to Lady Charlotte. Adela was ready to go. There were numbers either +going or now on the spot, and the net was around him. Cornelia held +back, declaring that her place was by her father's side. Fine Shades +were still too dominant at Brookfield for anyone to tell her why she +stayed. + +With anguish so deep that he could not act indifference, Wilfrid went on +his miserable expedition--first setting a watch over Mr. Pericles, the +which, in connection with the electric telegraph, was to enable him to +join that gentleman speedily, whithersoever he might journey. He was not +one to be deceived by the Greek's mask in running down daily to +Brookfield. A manoeuvre like that was poor; and besides, he had seen the +sallow eyes give a twinkle more than once. + +Now, on the Besworth night, Georgiana Ford had studied her brother +Merthyr's face when Emilia's voice called for Wilfrid. Her heart was +touched; and, in the midst of some little invidious wonder at the power +of a girl to throw her attraction upon such a man, she thought, as she +hoped, that probably it was due to the girl's Italian blood. Merthyr was +not unwilling to speak of her, and say what he feared and desired for +Emilia's sake; and Georgiana read, by this mark of confidence, how +sincerely she was loved and trusted by him. "One never can have more +than half of a man's heart," she thought--adding, "It's our duty to +deserve that, nevertheless." + +She was mystified. Say that Merthyr loved a girl, whom he certainly +distinguished with some visible affection, what sort of man must he be +that was preferred to Merthyr? And this set Georgiana at work thinking +of Wilfrid. "He has at times the air of a student. He is one who trusts +his own light too exclusively. Is he godless?" She concluded: "He is a +soldier, and an officer with brains--a good class:" Rare also. +Altogether, though Emilia did not elevate herself in this lady's mind by +choosing Wilfrid when she might have had Merthyr, the rivalry of the two +men helped to dignify the one of whom she thought least. Might she have +had Merthyr? Georgiana would not believe it--that is to say, she shut +the doors and shot the bolts, the knocking outside went on. + +Her brother had told her the whole circumstances of Emilia's life and +position. When he said, "Do what you can for her," she knew that it was +not the common empty phrase. Young as she was, simple in habits, clear +in mind, open in all practices of daily life, she was no sooner brought +into an active course than astuteness and impetuosity combined +wonderfully in her. She did not tell Merthyr that she had done anything +to discover Emilia, and only betrayed that she was moving at all in a +little conversation they had about a meeting at the house of his friend +Marini, an Italian exile. + +"Possibly Belloni goes there," said Merthyr. "I wonder whether Marini +knows anything of him. They have a meeting every other night." + +Georgiana replied: "He went there and took his daughter the night after +we were at Besworth. He took her to be sworn in." + +"Still that old folly of Marini's!" cried Merthyr, almost wrathfully. He +had some of the English objection to the mixing-up of women in political +matters. + +Georgiana instantly addressed herself to it: "He thinks that the country +must be saved by its women as well as its men; and if they have not +brains and steadfast devotion, he concludes that the country will not be +saved. But he gives them their share of the work; and, dearest, has he +had reason to repent it?" + +"No," Merthyr was forced to admit--taking shelter in his antipathy to the +administration of an oath to women. And consider that this is a girl!" + +"The oaths of girls are sometimes more binding on them than the oaths of +women." + +"True, it affects their imaginations vividly; but it seems childish. +Does she have to kiss a sword and a book?" + +Merthyr made a gesture like a shrug, with a desponding grimace. + +"You know," answered Georgiana, smiling, "that I was excused any formula, +by special exemption. I have no idea of what is done. Water, salt, +white thorns, and other Carbonaro mysteries may be in use or not: I think +no worse of the cause, whatever is done." + +"I love the cause," said Merthyr. "I dislike this sort of conspiratorial +masque Marini and his Chief indulge in. I believe it sustains them, and +there's its only use." + +"I," said Georgiana, "love the cause only from association with it; but +in my opinion Marini is right. He deals with young and fervent minds, +that require a ceremony to keep them fast--yes, dear, and women more than +others do. After that, they cease to have to rely upon themselves--a +reliance their good instinct teaches them is frail. There, now; have I +put my sex low enough?" + +She slid her head against her brother's shoulder. If he had ever met a +man worthy of her, Merthyr would have sighed to feel that all her +precious love was his own. + +"Is there any likelihood that Belloni will be there tonight?" he asked. + +She shook her head. "He has not been there since. He went for that +purpose." + +"Perhaps Marini is right, after all," said Merthyr, smiling. + +Georgiana knew what he meant, and looked at him fondly. + +"But I have never bound you to an oath," he resumed, in the same tone. + +"I dare say you consider me a little different from most," said +Georgiana. She had as small reserve with her brother as vanity, and +could even tell him what she thought of her own worth without +depreciating it after the fashion of chartered hypocrites. + +Mr. Powys wrote to Marini to procure him an interview with Belloni as +early as possible, and then he and Georgiana went down to Lady Charlotte. + +Letters from Adela kept the Brookfield public informed of the doings on +board the yacht. Before leaving home, Wilfrid with Arabella's +concurrence certainly--at her instigation, as he thought--had led his +father to imagine, on tolerably good grounds, that Mrs. Chump had quitted +Brookfield to make purchases for her excursion on lively waters, and was +then awaiting him at the appointed station. One of the old man's +intermittent nervous fits had frightened them into the quasi-fabrication +of this little innocent tale. The doctor's words were that Mr. Pole was +to be crossed in nothing--"Not even if it should appear to be of imminent +necessity that I should see him, and he refuses." The man of science +stated that the malady originated in some long continued pressure of +secret apprehension. Both Wilfrid and Arabella conceived that persuasion +alone was wanted to send Mrs. Chump flying to the yacht; so they had less +compunction in saying, "She is there." + +And here began a terrible trial for the children of Nine Shades. To save +a father they had to lie grievously--to continue the lie from day to day- +-to turn it from a lie extensive and inappreciable to the lie minute and +absolute. Then, to get a particle of truth out of this monstrous lie, +they had to petition in utter humiliation the woman they had scorned, +that she would return among them and consider their house her own. No +answer came from Mrs. Chump; and as each day passed, the querulous +invalid, still painfully acting the man in health, had to be fed with +fresh lies; until at last, writing of one of the scenes in Brookfield, +Arabella put down the word in all its unblessed aboriginal bluntness, and +did not ask herself whether she shrank from it. "Lies!" she wrote. +"What has happened to Bella?" thought Adela, in pure wonder. Salt-air +and dazzling society kept all idea of penance from this vivacious young +person. It was queer that Sit Twickenham should be at the seaside, +instead of at Brookfield, wooing; but a man's physical condition should +be an excuse for any intermission of attentions. "Now that I know him +better," wrote Adela, "I think him the pink of chivalry; and of this I am +sure I can convince you, Bella, C. will be blessed indeed; for a delicate +nature in a man of the world is a treasure. He has a beautiful little +vessel of his own sailing beside us." + +Arabella was critic enough to smile at this last. On the whole she was +passably content for the moment, in a severe fashion, save to feel +herself the dreadful lying engine and fruitlessly abject person that she +had become. + +We imagine that when souls have had a fall, they immediately look up and +contrast their present with their preceding position. This does not +occur. The lower their fall, the less, generally, their despair, for +despair is a business of the Will, and when they come heavily upon their +humanity, they get something of the practical seriousness of nature. If +they fall very low, the shock and the sense that they are still on their +feet make them singularly earnest to set about the plain plan of +existence--getting air for their lungs and elbow-room. Contrast, that +mother of melancholy, comes when they are some way advanced upon the +upward scale. The Poles did not look up to their lost height, but merely +exerted their faculties to go forward; and great as their ambition had +been in them, now that it was suddenly blown to pieces, they did not sit +and weep, but strove in a stunned way to work ahead. The truth is, that +we rarely indulge in melancholy until we can take it as a luxury: little +people never do, and they, when we have not put them on their +guard, are humankind naked. + +The yachting excursions were depicted vividly by Adela, and were +addressed as a sort of reproach to the lugubrious letters of her sister. +She said pointedly once: "Really, if we are to be miserable, I turn +Catholic and go into a convent." The strange thing was that Arabella +imagined her letters to be rather of a cheerful character. She related +the daily events at Brookfield:--the change in her father's soups, and +his remarks on them, and which he preferred; his fight with his medicine, +and declaration that he was as sound as any man on shore; the health of +the servants; Mr. Marter the curate's call with a Gregorian chant; doubts +of his orthodoxy; Cornelia's lonely walks and singular appetite; the +bills, and so forth--ending, "What is to be said further of her?" + +In return, Adela's delight was to date each day from a different port, to +which, catching the wind, the party had sailed, and there slept. The +ladies were under the protecting wing of the Hon. Mrs. Bayruffle, a +smooth woman of the world. "You think she must have sinned in her time, +but are certain it will never be known," wrote Adela. "I do confess, +kind as she is, she does me much harm; for when she is near me I begin to +think that Society is everything. Her tact is prodigious; it is never +seen--only felt. I cannot describe her influence; yet it leads to +nothing. I cannot absolutely respect her; but I know I shall miss her +acutely when we part. What charm does she possess? I call her the Hon. +Mrs. Heathen--Captain G., the Hon. Mrs. Balm. I know you hate nicknames. +Be merciful to people yachting. What are we to do? I would look through +a telescope all day and calculate the number of gulls and gannets we see; +but I am not so old as Sir T., and that occupation could not absorb me. +I begin to understand Lady Charlotte and her liking for Mr. Powys better. +He is ready to play or be serious, as you please; but in either +case 'Merthyr is never a buffoon nor a parson'--Lady C. remarked this +morning; and that describes him, if it were not for the detestable fling +at the clergy, which she never misses. It seems in her blood to think +that all priests are hypocrites. What a little boat to be in on a stormy +sea, Bella! She appears to have no concern about it. Whether she adores +Wilfrid or not I do not pretend to guess. She snubs him--a thing he +would bear from nobody but her. I do believe he feels flattered by it. +He is chiefly attentive to Miss Ford, whom I like and do not like, and +like and do not like--but do like. She is utterly cold, and has not an +affection on earth. Sir T.--I have not a dictionary--calls her a fair +clictic, I think. (Let even Cornelia read hard, or woe to her in their +hours of privacy!--his vocabulary grows distressingly rich the more you +know him. I am not uneducated, but he introduces me to words that seem +monsters; I must pretend to know them intimately.) Well, whether a +clictic or not--and pray, burn this letter, lest I should not have the +word correct--she has the air of a pale young princess above any creature +I have seen in the world. I know it has struck Wilfred also; my darling +and I are ever twins in sentiment. He converses with Miss Ford a great +deal. Lady C. is peculiarly civil to Captain G. We scud along, and are +becalmed. 'Having no will of our own, we have no knowledge of contrary +winds,' as Mr. Powys says.--The word is 'eclictic,' I find. I ventured +on it, and it was repeated; and I heard that I had missed a syllable. +Ask C. to look it out--I mean, to tell me they mining on a little slip of +paper in your next. I would buy a pocket-dictionary at one of the ports, +but you are never alone. "Aesthetic," we know. Mr. Barrett used to be +of service for this sort of thing. I admit I am inferior to Mrs. +Bayruffle, who, if men talk difficult words in her presence, holds her +chin above the conversation, and seems to shame them. I love to learn--I +love the humility of learning. And there is something divine in the idea +of a teacher. I listen to Sir T. on Parliament and parties, and chide +myself if my interest flags. His algebra-puzzles, or Euclid-puzzles in +figures--sometimes about sheep-boys and sheep, and hurdles or geese, oxen +or anything--are delicious: he quite masters the conversation with them. +I disagree with Mrs. Bayruffle when she complains that they are posts in +the way of speech. There is a use in all men; and though she is an +acknowledged tactician materially, she cannot see she has in Sir T. a +quality necessary to intellectual conversation, if she knew how to employ +it." + +Remarks of this nature read very oddly to Arabella, insomuch that she +would question herself at times, in forced seriousness, whether she had +dreamed that an evil had befallen Brookfield, or whether Adela were +forgetting that it had, in a dream. One day she enclosed a letter from +her father to Mrs. Chump. Adela did not forge a reply; but she had the +audacity to give the words of a message from the woman (in which Mrs. +Chump was supposed to say that she could not write while she was being +tossed about.) "We must carry it on," Adela told her sister, with +horrible bluntness. The message savoured strongly of Mrs. Chump. It was +wickedly clever. Arabella resolved to put it by; but morning after +morning she saw her father's anxiety for the reply mounting to a pitch of +fever. She consulted with Cornelia, who said, "No; never do such a +thing!" and subsequently, with a fainter firmness, repeated the negative +monosyllable. Arabella, in her wretchedness, became endued with +remorseless discernment. "It means that Cornelia would never do it +herself," she thought; and, comforted haply by reflecting that for their +common good she could do it, she did it. She repeated an Irish message. +Her father calmed immediately, making her speak it over twice. He +smiled, and blinked his bird's-eyes pleasurably: "Ah! that's Martha," he +said, and fell into a state of comparative repose. For some hours a +sensation of bubbling hot-water remained about the sera of Arabella. +Happily Mrs. Chump in person did not write. + +A correspondence now commenced between the fictitious Mrs. Chump on sea +and Mr. Pole, dyspeptic, in his armchair. Arabella took the doctor aside +to ask him, if in a hypothetical instance, it would really be dangerous +to thwart or irritate her father. She asked the curate if he deemed it +wicked to speak falsely to an invalid for the invalid's benefit. The +spiritual and bodily doctors agreed that occasion altered and necessity +justified certain acts. So far there was comfort. But the task of +assisting in this correspondence, and yet more, the contemplation of +Adela's growing delight in it (she would now use Irish words, vulgar +words, words expressive of physical facts; airing her natural wit in +Irish as if she had found a new weapon), became a bitter strain on +Arabella's mind, and she was compelled to make Cornelia take her share of +the burden. "But I cannot conceal--I cannot feign," said Cornelia. +Arabella looked at her, whom she knew to be feigning, thinking, "Must I +lose my high esteem of both my sisters?" Action alone saved her from +denuding herself of this garment." + +"That night!" was now the allusion to the scene at Besworth. It stood +for all the misery they suffered; nor could they see that they had since +made any of their own. + +A letter with the Dover postmark brought exciting news. + +A debate had been held on board the yacht. Wilfrid and Lady Charlotte +gave their votes for the Devon coast. All were ready to be off, when +Miss Ford received a telegram from shore, and said, "No; it must be +Dover." Now, Mrs. Chump's villa was on the Devon coast. Lady Charlotte +had talked to Wilfrid about her, and in the simplest language had said +that she must be got on board. This was the reason of their deciding for +Devon. But Georgiana stood for Dover; thither Merthyr said that he must +go, whether be sailed or went on land. By a simultaneous reading of +Georgiana's eyes, both Wilfrid and Lady Charlotte saw what was meant by +her decision. Wilfrid at once affected to give way, half-protestingly. +"And this," wrote Adela, "taught me that he was well pleased to abandon +the West for the East. Lady C. favoured him with a look such as I could +not have believed I should ever behold off the stage. There was a +perfect dagger in her eyes. She fought against Dover: do men feel such +compliments as these? They are the only true ones! She called the +captain to witness that the wind was not for Dover she called the mate: +she was really eloquent--yes, and handsome. I think Wilfrid thought so; +or the reason far the opposition to Dover impressed my brother. I like +him to be made to look foolish, for then he retrieves his character so +dashingly--always. His face was red, and he seemed undecided--was--until +one taunt (it must have been a taunt), roused him up. They exchanged +about six sentences--these two. I cannot remember them, unhappily; but +for neatness and irony, never was anything so delicious heard. They came +sharp as fencing-thrusts; and you could really believe, if you liked, +that they were merely stating grounds for diverse opinions. Of course we +sailed East, reaching Dover at ten; and the story is this--I knew Emilia +was in it:--Tracy Runningbrook had been stationed at Dover ten days by +Miss Ford, to intercept Emilia's father, if he should be found taking her +to the Continent by that route. He waited, and met them at last on the +Esplanade. He telegraphed to Miss Ford and a Signor Marini (we were +wrong in not adding illustrious exiles to our list), while he invited +them to dine, and detained them till the steamboat was starting; and +Signor Marini came down by rail in a great hurry, and would not let +Emilia be taken away. There was a quarrel; but, by some mysterious power +that he possesses, this Signor Marini actually prevented the father from +taking his child. Mysterious? But is anything more mysterious than +Emilia's influence? I cannot forget what she was ere we trained her; and +when I think that we seem to be all--all who come near her--connected +with her fortunes! Explain it if you can. I know it is not her singing; +I know it is not her looks. Captivations she does not deal in. Is it +the magic of indifference? No; for then some one whom you know and who +longs to kiss her bella Bella now would be dangerous! She is very little +so, believe me! + +"Emilia is (am I chronicling a princess?)--she is in London with Signor +Marini; and Wilfrid has not seen her. Lady Charlotte managed to get the +first boat full, and pushed off as he was about to descend. I pitied his +poor trembling hand I went on shore in the second boat with him. We did +not find the others for an hour, when we heard that Emilia had gone with +Signor M. The next day, whom should we sea but Mr. Pericles. "He (I have +never seen him so civil)--he shook Wilfrid by the hand almost like an +Englishman; and Wilfrid too, though he detests him, was civil to him, and +even laughed when he said: 'Here it is dull; ze Continent for a week. I +follow Philomela--ze nightingales." I was just going to say, 'Well then, +you are running away from one.' Wilfrid pressed my fingers, and taught +me to be still; and I did not know why till I reflected. Poor Mr. +Pericles, seeing him friendly for the first time, rubbed his hands and it +was most painful to me to see him shake hands with Wilfrid again and +again, till he was on board the vessel chuckling. Wilfrid suddenly +laughed with all his might--a cruel laugh; and Mr. Pericles tried to be +as loud, but commenced coughing and tapping his chest, to explain that +his intention was good. Bella! the passion of love must be judged by the +person who inspires it; and I cannot even go so far as to feel pity for +Wilfrid if he has stooped to the humiliation of--there is another way of +regarding it, know. Let him be sincere and noble; but not his own +victim. He scarcely holds up his head. We are now for Devon. Tracy is +with us; and we never did a wiser thing than when we decided to patronize +poets. If kept in order--under--they are the aristocracy of light +conversationalists. Adieu! We speed for beautiful Devon. 'Me love to +Pole, and I'm just,' etc. That will do this time; next, she will speak +herself. That I should wish it! But the world is full of change, as I +begin to learn. What will ensue?" + + + + +CHAPTER XXXV + +When Mrs. Chump had turned her back on Brookfield, the feelings of the +outcast woman were too deep for much distinctly acrimonious sensation +toward the ladies; but their letters soon lifted and revived her, until, +being in a proper condition of prickly wrath, she sat down to compose a +reply that should bury them under a mountain of shame. The point, +however, was to transfer this mountain from her bosom, which laboured +heavily beneath it, to their heads. Nothing could appear simpler. Here +is the mountain; the heads are yonder. Accordingly, she prepared to +commence. In a moment the difficulty yawned monstrous. For the mountain +she felt was not a mountain of shame; yet that was the character of +mountain she wished to cast. If she crushed them, her reputation as a +forgiving soul might suffer: she could not pardon without seeing them +abased. Thus shaken at starting, she found herself writing: "I know that +your father has been hearing tales told of me, or he would have written, +and he has not; so you shall never see me, not if you cried to me from +the next world--the hot part." + +Perusing this, it was too tremendous. "Oh, that's awful!" she said, +getting her body a little away from the manuscript. "Ye couldn't curse +much louder." + +A fresh trial found her again rounding the fact that Mr. Pole had not +written to her, and again flying into consequent angers. She had some +dim conception of the sculpture of an offended Goddess. "I look so," she +said before the glass "I'm above ye, and ye can't hurt me, and don't come +anigh me: but here's a cheque--and may ye be haunted in your dreams!--but +here's a cheque." + +There was pain in her heart, for she had felt faith in Mr. Pole's +affection for her. "And he said," she cried out in her lonely room--"he +said, 'Martha, ye've onnly to come and be known to 'm, and then they'll +take to the ideea.' And wasn't I a patient creature! And it's Pole +that's turned--Pole!" + +Varied with the frequent 'Oh!' and 'Augh!' these dramatic monologues +occupied her time while the yacht was sailing for her Devon bay. + +At last the thought struck her that she would send for Braintop-- +telegraphing that expenses would be paid, and that he must come with a +good quill. "It goes faster," she whispered, suggesting the pent-up +torrent, as it were, of blackest ink in her breast that there was to pour +forth. A very cunning postscript to the telegram brought Braintop almost +as quick to her as a return message. It was merely 'Little Belloni.' + +She had forgotten this piece of artifice: but when she saw him start at +the opening of the door, keeping a sheepish watch in that direction, +"By'n-by," she said, with a nod; and shortly afterward unfolded her +object in summoning him from his London labours: "A widde-woman ought to +get marrud, Mr. Braintop, if onnly to have a husband to write letters for +'rr. Now, that's a task! But sup to-night, and mind ye say yer prayers +before gettin' into bed; and no tryin' to flatter your Maker with your +knees cuddled up to your chin under the counterpane. I do 't myself +sometimes, and I know one prayer out of bed's worrth ten of 'm in. Then +I'll pray too; and mayhap we'll get permission and help to write our +letter to-morrow, though Sunday, as ye say." + +On the morrow Braintop's spirits were low, he having perceived that the +'Little Belloni' postscript had been but an Irish chuckle and nudge in +his ribs, by way of sly insinuation or reminder. He looked out on the +sea, and sighed to be under certain white sails visible in the offing. +Mrs. Chump had received by the morning's post another letter from +Arabella, enclosing one for Wilfrid. A dim sense of approaching mastery, +and that she might soon be melted, combined with the continued silence of +Mr. Pole to make her feel yet more spiteful. She displayed no +commendable cunning when, to sharpen and fortify Braintop's wits, she +plumped him at breakfast with all things tempting to the appetite of man. +"I'll help ye to 'rr," she said from time to time, finding that no +encouragement made him potent in speech. + +Fronting the sea a desk was laid open. On it were the quills faithfully +brought down by Braintop. + +"Pole's own quills," she said, having fixed Braintop in this official +seat, while she took hers at a station half-commanding the young clerk's +face. The mighty breakfast had given Braintop intolerable desire to +stretch his limbs by the sounding shore, and enjoy life in semi-oblivion. +He cheered himself with the reflection that there was only one letter to +write, so he remarked politely that he was at his hostess's disposal. +Thereat Mrs. Chump questioned him closely whether Mr. Pole had spoken her +name aloud; and whether he did it somehow, now and then by accident, and +whether he had looked worse of late. Braintop answered the latter +question first, assuring her that Mr. Pole was improving. + +"Then there's no marcy from me," said Mrs. Chump; and immediately +discharged an exclamatory narrative of her recent troubles, and the +breach between herself and Brookfield, at Braintop's ears. This done, +she told him that he was there to write the reply to the letters of the +ladies, in her name. "Begin," she said. "Ye've got head enough to guess +my feelin's. I'm invited, and I won't go--till I'm fetched. But don't +say that. That's their guess ye know. 'And I don't care for ye enough +to be angry at all, but it's pity I feel at a parcel of fine garls'--so +on, Mr. Braintop." + +The perplexities of epistolary correspondence were assuming the like +proportions to the recruited secretary that they had worn to Mrs. Chump. +Steadily watching his countenance; she jogged him thus: "As if ye +couldn't help ut, ye know, ye begin. Jest like wakin' in the mornin' +after dancin' all night. Ye make the garls seem to hear me seemin' to +say--Oooo! I was so comfortable before your disturbin' me with your +horrud voices. Ye understand, Mr. Braintop? 'I'm in bed, and you're a +cold bath.' Begin like that, ye know. 'Here's clover, and you're +nettles.' D'ye see? Here from my glass o' good Porrt to your tumbler +of horrud acud vin'gar.' Bless the boy! he don't begin." + +She stamped her foot. Braintop, in desperation, made a plunge at the +paper. Looking over his shoulder in a delighted eagerness, she suddenly +gave it a scornful push. "'Dear!'" she exclaimed. "You're dearin' them, +absurd young man I'm not the woman to I dear 'em--not at the starrt! I'm +indignant--I'm hurrt. I come round to the 'dear' by-and-by, after I have +whipped each of the proud sluts, and their brother Mr. Wilfrid, just as +if by accident. Ye'll promus to forget avery secret I tell ye; but our +way is always to pretend to believe the men can't help themselves. So +the men look like fools, ye sly laughin' fella! and the women horrud +scheming spiders. Now, away, with ye, and no dearin'." + +The Sunday-bells sounded mockingly in Braintop's ears, appearing to ask +him how he liked his holiday; and the white sails on the horizon line +have seldom taunted prisoner more. He spread out another sheet of +notepaper and wrote "My," and there he stopped. + +Mrs. Chump was again at his elbow. "But, they aren't 'my,' she +remonstrated, "when I've nothin' to do with 'm. And a 'my' has a 'dear' +to 't always. Ye're not awake, Mr. Braintop; try again." + +"Shall I begin formally, "Mrs. Chump presents her compliments,' ma'am?" +said Braintop stiffly. + +"And I stick myself up on a post, and talk like a parrot, sir! Don't you +see, I'm familiar, and I'm woundud? Go along; try again." + +Braintop's next effort was, "Ladies." + +"But they don't behave to me like ladus; and it's against my conscience +to call 'em!" said Mrs. Chump, with resolution. + +Braintop wrote down "Women," in the very irony of disgust. + +"And avery one of 'em unmarred garls!" exclaimed Mrs. Chump, throwing up +her hands. "Mr. Braintop! Mr. Braintop! ye're next to an ejut!" + +Braintop threw dawn the pen. "I really do not know what to say," he +remarked, rising in distress. + +"I naver had such a desire to shake anny man in all my life," said Mrs. +Chump, dropping to her chair. + +The posture of affairs was chimed to by the monotonous bell. After +listening to it for some minutes, Mrs. Chump was struck with a notion +that Braintop's sinfulness in working on a Sunday, or else the shortness +of the prayer he had put up to gain absolution, was the cause of his lack +of ready wit. Hearing that he had gloves, she told him to go to church, +listen devoutly, and return to luncheon. Braintop departed, with a +sensation of relief in the anticipation of a sermon, quite new to him. +When he next made his bow to his hostess, he was greeted by a pleasant +sparkle of refreshments. Mrs. Chump herself primed him with Sherry, +thinking in the cunning of her heart that it might haply help the +inspiration derived from his devotional exercise. After this, pen and +paper were again produced. + +"Well, now, Mr. Braintop, and what have ye thought of?" said Mrs. Chump, +encouragingly. + +Braintop thought rapidly over what he might possibly have been thinking +of; and having put a file of ideas into the past, said, with the air of a +man who delicately suggests a subtlety: "It has struck me, ma'am, that +perhaps 'Girls' might begin very well. To be sure 'Dear girls' is the +best, if you would consent to it." + +"Take another glass of wine, Mr. Braintop," Mrs. Chump nodded. "Ye're +nearer to ut now. 'Garls' is what they are, at all events. But don't +you see, my dear your man, it isn't the real thing we want so much as a +sort of a proud beginnin', shorrt of slappin' their faces. Think of +dinner. Furrst soup; that prepares ye for what's comin'. Then fish, +which is on the road to meat, dye see?--we pepper 'em. Then joint, Mr. +Braintop--out we burrst: (Oh, and what ins'lent hussies ye've been to me, +and yell naver see annything of me but my back!) Then the sweets,--But +I'm a forgivin' woman, and a Christian in the bargain, ye ungrateful +minxes; and if ye really are sorrowful! And there, Mr. Braintop, ye've +got it all laid out as flat as a pancake." + +Mrs. Chump gave the motion of a lightning scrawl of the pen. Braintop +looked at the paper, which now appeared to recede from his eyes, and +flourish like a descending kite. The nature of the task he had +undertaken became mountainous in his imagination, till at last he fixed +his forehead in his thumbs and fingers, and resolutely counted a number +of meaningless words one hundred times. As this was the attitude of a +severe student, Mrs. Chump remained in expectation. Aware of the fearful +confidence he had excited in her, Braintop fell upon a fresh hundred, +with variations. + +"The truth is, I think better in church," he said, disclosing at last as +ingenuous a face as he could assume. He scarcely ventured to hope for a +second dismissal. + +To his joy, Mrs. Chump responded with a sigh: "There, go again; and the +Lord forgive ye for directin' your mind to temporal matters when ye're +there! It's none of my doin', remember that; and don't be tryin' to make +me a partic'pator in your wickudness." + +"This is so difficult, ma'am, because you won't begin with Dear," he +observed snappishly, as he was retiring. + +"Of coorse it's difficult if it bothers me," retorted Mrs. Chump, divided +between that view of the case and contempt of Braintop for being on her +own level. + +"Do you see, we are not to say 'Dear' anything, or 'Ladies,' or--in +short, really, if you come to think, ma'am!" + +"Is that a woman's business, Mr. Braintop?" said Mrs. Chump, as from a +height; and the youth retired in humiliation. + +Braintop was not destitute of the ambition of his time of life, and +yearned to be what he believed himself--something better than a clerk. +If he had put forth no effort to compose Mrs. Chump's letter, he would +not have felt that he was the partner of her stupidity; but he had +thoughtlessly attempted the impossible thing, and now, contemplating his +utter failure, he was in so low a state of mind that he would have taken +pen and written himself down, with ordinary honesty, good-for-nothing. +He returned to his task, and found the dinner spread. Mrs. Chump gave +him champagne, and drank to him, requesting him to challenge her. "We +won't be beaten," she said; and at least they dined. + +The 'we' smote Braintop's swelling vanity. It signified an alliance, and +that they were yoked to a common difficulty. + +"Oh! let's finish it and have it over," he remarked, with a complacent +roll in his chair. + +"Naver stop a good impulse," said Mrs. Chump, herself removing the lamp +to light him. + +Braintop sat in the chair of torture, and wrote flowingly, while his +taskmistress looked over him, "Ladies of Brookfield." He read it out: +"Ladies of Brookfield." + +"I'll be vary happy to represent ye at the forthcomin' 'lection," Mrs. +Chump gave a continuation in his tone. + +"Why, won't that do, ma'am?" Braintop asked in wonderment. + +"Cap'tal for a circular, Mr. Braintop. And ye'll allow me to say that I +don't think ye've been to church at all." + +This accusation containing a partial truth (that is, true if it referred +to the afternoon, but not as to the morning), it was necessary for +Braintop's self-vindication that he should feel angry. The two were very +soon recriminating, much in the manner of boy and girl shut up on a sunny +afternoon; after which they, in like manner, made it up--the fact of both +having a habit of consulting the glass, and the accident of their doing +it at the same time, causing an encounter of glances there that could +hardly fail to be succeeded by some affability. For a last effort, Mrs. +Chump laid before Braintop a prospect of advancement in his office, if he +so contrived as to write a letter that should land her in Brookfield +among a scourged, repentant, and forgiven people. That he might +understand the position, she went far modestly to reveal her weakness for +Mr. Pole. She even consented to let 'Ladies' be the opening apostrophe, +provided the word 'Young' went before it: "They'll feel that sting," she +said. Braintop stipulated that she should not look till the letter was +done; and, observing his pen travelling the lines in quick succession, +Mrs. Chump became inspired by a great but uneasy hope. She was only to +be restrained from peeping, by Braintop's petulant "Pray, ma'am!" which +sent her bouncing back to her chair, with a face upon one occasion too +solemn for Braintop's gravity. He had written himself into excellent +spirits; and happening to look up as Mrs. Chump retreated from his +shoulder, the woman's comic reverence for his occupation--the prim +movement of her lips while she repeated mutely the words she supposed he +might be penning--touched him to laughter. At once Mrs. Chump seized on +the paper. "Young ladus," she read aloud, "yours of the 2nd, the 14th, +and 21st ulto. The 'ffection I bear to your onnly remaining parent." + +Her enunciation waxed slower and significantly staccato toward a pause. +The composition might undoubtedly have issued from a merchant's office, +and would have done no discredit to the establishment. When the pause +came, Braintop, half for an opinion, and to encourage progress, said, +"Yes, ma'am;" and with "There, sir!" Mrs. Chump crumpled up the paper and +flung it at him. "And there, sir!" she tossed a pen. Hearing Braintop +mutter, "Lady-like behaviour," Mrs. Chump came out in a fiery bloom. "Ye +detestable young fella! Oh, ye young deceiver! Ye cann't do the work of +a man! Oh! and here's another woman dis'pointed, and when she thought +she'd got a man to write her letters!" + +Braintop rose and retorted. + +"Ye're false, Mr. Braintop--ye're offensuv, sir!" said Mrs. Chump; and +Braintop instantly retired upon an expressive bow. When he was out of +the room, Mrs. Chump appealed spitefully to an audience of chairs; but +when she heard the front-door shut with a report, she jumped up in +terror, crying incredulously, "Is the young man pos'tively one? Oh! and +me alone in a rage!--the contemplated horrors of which position set her +shouting vociferously. "Mr. Braintop!" sounded over the stairs, and "Mr. +Braintop!" into the street. The maid brought Mrs. Chump her bonnet. +Night had fallen; and nothing but the greatest anxiety to recover +Braintop would have tempted her from her house. She made half-a-dozen +steps, and then stopped to mutter, "Oh! if ye'd onnly come, I'd forgive +ye--indeed I would!" + +"Well, here I am," was instantaneously answered; her waist was clasped, +and her forehead was kissed. + +The madness of Braintop's libertinism petrified her. + +"Ye've taken such a liberty, sir 'deed ye've forgotten yourself!" + +While she was speaking; she grew confused with the thought that Braintop +had mightily altered both his voice and shape. When on the doorstep he +said; "Come out of the darkness or, upon my honour, I shall behave +worse," she recognized Wilfrid, and understood by his yachting costume in +what manner he had come. He gave her no time to think of her dignity or +her wrath. "Lady Charlotte is with me. I sleep at the hotel; but you +have no objection to receive her, have you?" This set her mind upon her +best bedroom, her linen, and the fitness of her roof to receive a title. +Then, in a partial fit of gratitude for the honour, and immense +thankfulness at being spared the task of the letter, she fell on +Wilfrid's shoulder, beginning to sob--till he, in alarm at his absurd +position, suggested that Lady Charlotte awaited a welcome. Mrs. Chump +immediately flew to her drawing-room and rang bells, appearing presently +with a lamp, which she set on a garden-pillar. Together they stood by +the lamp, a spectacle to ocean: but no Lady Charlotte drew near. + + + + +CHAPTER, XXXVI + +Though Mrs. Chump and Wilfrid, as they stood by the light of the lamp, +saw no one, they themselves were seen. Lady Charlotte had arranged to +give him a moment in advance to make his peace. She had settled it with +that air of practical sense which her title made graceful to him. "I +will follow; and I dare say I can complete what you leave unfinished," +she said. Her humorous sense of the aristocratic prestige was conveyed +to him in a very taking smile. He scarcely understood why she should +have planned so decisively to bring about a reconciliation between Mrs. +Chump and his family; still, as it now chimed perfectly with his own +views and wishes, he acquiesced in her scheme, giving her at the same +time credit for more than common wisdom. + +While Lady Charlotte lingered on the beach, she became aware of a figure +that hung about her; as she was moving away, a voice of one she knew well +enough asked to be directed to the house inhabited by Mrs. Chump. The +lady was more startled than it pleased her to admit to herself. + +"Don't you know me?" she said, bluntly. + +"You!" went Emilia's voice. + +"Why on earth are you here? What brings you here? Are you alone?" +returned the lady. + +Emilia did not answer. + +"What extraordinary expedition are you making? But, tell me one thing: +are you here of your own accord, or at somebody else's bidding?" + +Impatient at the prospect of a continuation of silences, Lady Charlotte +added, "Come with me." + +Emilia seemed to be refusing. + +"The appointment was made at that house, I know," said the lady; "but if +you come with me, you will see him just as readily." + +At this instant, the lamp was placed on the pillar, showing Wilfrid, in +his sailor's hat and overcoat, beside the fluttering Irishwoman. + +"Come, I must speak to you first," said Lady Charlotte hurriedly, +thinking that she saw Emilia's hands stretch out. "Pray, don't go into +attitudes. There he is, as you perceive; and I don't use witchcraft. +Come with me; I will send for him. Haven't you learnt by this time that +there's nothing he detests so much as a public display of the kind you're +trying to provoke?" + +Emilia half comprehended her. + +"He changes when he's away from me," she said, low toneless voice. + +"Less than I fancied," the lady thought. + +Then she told Emilia that there was really no necessity for her to whine +and be miserable; she was among friends, and so forth. The simplicity of +her manner of speech found its way to Emilia's reason quicker than her +arguments; and, in the belief that Wilfrid was speaking to Mrs. Chump on +urgent private matters (she had great awe of the word 'business'), Emilia +suffered herself to be led away. She uttered twice a little exclamation, +as she looked back, that sounded exceedingly comical to Lady Charlotte's +ears. They were the repressions of a poignant outcry. "Doggies make +that noise," thought the lady, and succeeded in feeling contemptuous. + +Wilfrid, when he found that Lady Charlotte was not coming, bestowed a +remark upon her sex, and went indoors for his letter. He considered it +politic not to read it there, Mrs. Chump having grown so friendly, and +even motherly, that she might desire, out of pure affection, to share the +contents. He put it by and talked gaily, till Mrs. Chump, partly to +account for the defection of the lady, observed that she knew they had a +quarrel. She was confirmed in this idea on a note being brought in to +him, over which, before opening it, he frowned and flushed. Aware of the +treachery of his countenance, he continued doing so after his eyes had +taken in the words, though there was no special ground furnished by them +for any such exhibition. Mrs. Chump immediately, with a gaze of +mightiest tribulation, burst out: "I'll help ye; 'pon my honour, I'll +help ye. Oh! the arr'stocracy! Oh, their pride! But if I say, my dear, +when I die (which it's so horrud to think of), you'll have a share, and +the biggest--this vary cottage, and a good parrt o' the Bank property-- +she'll come down at that. And if ye marry a lady of title, I'll be 's +good as my word, I will." + +Wilfrid pressed her fingers. "Can you ever believe that, I have called +you a 'simmering pot of Emerald broth'?" + +"My dear! annything that's lots o' words, Ye may call me," returned Mrs. +Chump, "as long as it's no name. Ye won't call me a name, will ye? Lots +o' words--it's onnly as if ye peppered me, and I sneeze, and that's all; +but a name sticks to yer back like a bit o' pinned paper. Don't call me +a name," and she wriggled pathetically. + +"Yes," said Wilfrid, "I shall call you Pole." + +"Oh! ye sweetest of young fellas!" + +Mrs. Chump threw out her arms. She was on the point of kissing him, but +he fenced with the open letter; and learning that she might read it, she +gave a cry of joy. + +"Dear W.!" she begins; and it's twice dear from a lady of title. She's +just a multiplication-table for annything she says and touches. "Dear +W.!" and the shorter time a single you the better. I'll have my joke, +Mr. Wilfrud. "Dear W.!" Bless her heart now! I seem to like her next +best to the Queen already.--"I have another plan." Ye'd better keep to +the old; but it's two paths, I suppose, to one point.--"Another plan. +Come to me at the Dolphin, where I am alone." Oh, Lord! 'Alone,' with a +line under it, Mr. Wilfrud! But there--the arr'stocracy needn't matter a +bit." + +"It's a very singular proceeding not the less," said Wilfrid. "Why +didn't she go to the hotel where the others are, if she wouldn't come +here?" + +"But the arr'stocracy, Mr.Wilfrud! And alone--alone! d'ye see? which +couldn't be among the others; becas of sweet whisperin'. 'Alone,'" Mrs. +Chump read on; "'and to-morrow I'll pay my respects to what you call your +simmering pot of Emerald broth.' Oh ye hussy! I'd say, if ye weren't a +borrn lady. And signs ut all, 'Your faithful Charlotte.' Mr. Wilfrud, +I'd give five pounds for this letter if I didn't know ye wouldn't part +with it under fifty. And 'deed I am a simmerin' pot; for she'll be a +relation, my dear! Go to 'r. I'll have your bed ready for ye here at +the end of an hour; and to-morrrow perhaps, if Lady Charlotte can spare +me, I'll condescend to see Ad'la." + +Wilfrid fanned her cheek with the note, and then dropped it on her neck +and left the room. He was soon hurrying on his way to the Dolphin: +midway he stopped. "There may be a bad shot in Bella's letter," he +thought. Shop-lights were ahead: a very luminous chemist sent a green +ray into the darkness. Wilfrid fixed himself under it. "Confoundedly +appropriate for a man reading that his wife has run away from him!" he +muttered, and hard quickly plunged into matter quite as absorbing. When +he had finished it he shivered. Thus it ran: + +"My beloved brother, + +"I bring myself to plain words. Happy those who can trifle with human +language! Papa has at last taken us into his confidence. He has not +spoken distinctly; he did us the credit to see that it was not necessary. +If in our abyss of grief we loss delicacy, what is left?--what! + +"The step he desired to take, Which We Opposed, he has anticipated, And +Must Consummate. + +"Oh, Wilfrid! you see it, do you not? You comprehend me I am surf! I +should have said 'had anticipated.' How to convey to you! (but it would +be unjust to him--to ourselves--were I to say emphatically what I have +not yet a right to think). What I have hinted above is, after all; +nothing but Cornelia's conjecture, I wish I could not say confirmed by +mine. We sat with Papa two hours before any idea of his meaning dawned +upon us. He first scolded us. We both saw from this that more was to +come. + +"I hope there are not many in this world to whom the thought of honour +being tied to money ever appears possible. If it is so there is wide +suffering--deep, for it, must be silent. Cornelia suggests one comfort +for them that they will think less of poverty. + +"Why was Brookfield ever bought? Our old peaceful City-life--the vacant +Sundays!--my ears are haunted by their bells for Evening Service. I +said 'There they go, the dowdy population of heaven!' I remember it now. +It should be almost punishment enough to be certain that of all those +people going to church, there cannot be one more miserable than we who +stood at the old window ridiculing them. They at least do not feel that +everything they hope for in human life is dependent upon one human will-- +the will of a mortal weather-vane! It is the case, and it must be +conciliated. There is no half-measure--no choice. Feel that nothing you +have ever dreamed of can be a disgrace if it is undergone to forestall +what positively impends, and act immediately. I shall expect to see you +in three days. She is to have the South-west bedroom (mine), for which +she expressed a preference. Prepare every mind for the ceremony:--an old +man's infatuation--money--we submit. It will take place in town. To +have the Tinleys in the church! But this is certainly my experience, +that misfortune makes me feel more and more superior to those whom I +despise. I have even asked myself--was I so once? And, Apropos of +Laura! We hear that their evenings are occupied in performing the scene +at Besworth. They are still as distant as ever from Richford. Let me +add that Albert Tinley requested my hand in marriage yesterday. I agree +with Cornelia that this is the first palpable sign that we have sunk. +Consequent upon the natural consequences came the interview with Papa. + +"Dearest, dearest Wilfrid! can you, can I, can any one of us settle--that +is, involve another life in doubt while doubt exists? Papa insists; his +argument is, "Now, now, and no delay." I accuse nothing but his love. +Excessive love is perilous for principle! + +"You have understood me, I know, and forgiven me for writing so nakedly. +I dare not reperuse it. You must satisfy him that Lady C. has fixed a +date. Adela is incomprehensible. One day she sees a friend in Lady C., +and again it is an enemy. Papa's immediate state of health is not +alarming. Above all things, do not let the girl come near him. Papa +will send the cheque you required." + +"When?" Wilfrid burst out upon Arabella's affectionate signature. "When +will he send it? He doesn't do me the honour to mention the time. And +this is his reply to a third application!" + +The truth was that Wilfrid was in dire want of tangible cash simply to +provision his yacht. The light kindled in him by this unsatisfied need +made him keen to comprehend all that Arabella's attempt at plain writing +designed to unfold. + +"Good God, my father's the woman's trustee!" shaped itself in Wilfrid's +brain. + +And next: "If he marries her we may all be as poor as before." That is +to say, "Honour may be saved without ruin being averted." + +His immediate pressing necessity struck like a pulse through all the +chords of dismal conjecture. His heart flying about for comfort, dropped +at Emilia's feet. + +"Bella's right," he said, reverting to the green page in his hand; "we +can't involve others in our scrape, whatever it may be." + +He ceased on the spot to be at war with himself, as he had been for many +a day; by which he was taught to imagine that he had achieved a mental +indifference to misfortune. This lightened his spirit considerably. "So +there's an end of that," he emphasized, as the resolve took form to tell +Lady Charlotte flatly that his father was ruined, and that the son, +therefore, renounced his particular hope and aspiration. + +"She will say, in the most matter-of-fact way in the world, "Oh, very +well, that quite alters the case," said Wilfrid aloud, with the smallest +infusion of bitterness. Then he murmured, "Poor old governor!" and +wondered whether Emilia would come to this place according to his desire. +Love, that had lain crushed in him for the few recent days, sprang up and +gave him the thought, "She may be here now;" but, his eyes not being +satiated instantly with a sight of her, the possibility of such happiness +faded out. + +"Blessed little woman!" he cried openly, ashamed to translate in tenderer +terms the soft fresh blossom of love that his fancy conjured forth at the +recollection of her. He pictured to himself hopefully, moreover, that +she would be shy when they met. A contradictory vision of her eyes +lifted hungry for his first words, or the pressure of his arm displeased +him slightly. It occurred to him that they would be characterized as a +singular couple. To combat this he drew around him all the mysteries of +sentiment that had issued from her voice and her eyes. She had made +Earth lovely to him and heaven human. She--what a grief for ever that +her origin should be what it was! For this reason:--lovers must live +like ordinary people outwardly; and say, ye Fates, how had she been +educated to direct a gentlemen's household? + +"I can't exist on potatoes," he pronounced humorously. + +But when his thoughts began to dwell with fitting seriousness on the +woman-of-the-world tone to be expected from Lady Charlotte, he folded the +mental image of Emilia closely to his breast, and framed a misty idea of +a little lighted cottage wherein she sat singing to herself while he was +campaigning. "Two or three fellows--Lumley and Fredericks--shall see +her," he thought. The rest of his brother officers were not even to know +that he was married. + +His yacht was lying in a strip of moonlight near Sir Twickenham's +companion yawl. He gave one glance at it as at a history finished, and +sent up his name to Lady Charlotte. + +"Ah! you haven't brought the good old dame with you?" she said, rising to +meet him. "I thought it better not to see her to-night." + +He acquiesced, mentioning the lateness of the hour, and adding, "You are +alone?" + +She stared, and let fall "Certainly," and then laughed. "I had forgotten +your regard for the proprieties. I have just sent my maid for Georgiana; +she will sleep here. I preferred to come here, because those people at +the hotel tire me; and, besides, I said I should sleep at the villa, and +I never go back to people who don't expect me." + +Wilfrid looked about the room perplexed, and almost suspicious because of +his unexplained perplexity. Her (as he deemed it--not much above the +level of Mrs. Chump in that respect) aristocratic indifference to opinion +and conventional social observances would have pleased him by daylight, +but it fretted him now. + +Lady Charlotte's maid came in to say that Miss Ford would join her. The +maid was dismissed to her bed. "There's nothing to do there," said her +mistress, as she was moving to the folding-doors. The window facing +seaward was open. He went straight to it and closed it. Next, in an +apparent distraction, he went to the folding-doors. He was about to +press the handle, when Lady Charlotte's quiet remark, "My bedroom," +brought him back to his seat, crying pardon. + +"Have you had news?" she inquired. "You thought that a letter might be +there. Bad, is it?" + +"It is not good," he replied, briefly. + +"I am sorry." + +"That is--it tells me--" (Wilfrid disciplined his tongue) "that I--we +are--a lieutenant on half-pay may say that he is ruined, I suppose, when +his other supplies are cut off!..." + +"I can excuse him for thinking it," said Lady Charlotte. She exhibited +no sign of eagerness for his statement of facts. + +Her outward composure and a hard animation of countenance (which, having +ceased the talking within himself, he had now leisure to notice) +humiliated him. The sting helped him to progress. + +"I may try to doubt it as much as I please, to avoid seeing what must +follow.... I may shut my eyes in the dark, but when the light stares me +in the face...I give you my word that I have not been justified even in +imagining such a catastrophe." + +"The preamble is awful," said Lady Charlotte, rising from her recumbent +posture. + +"Pardon me; I have no right to intrude my feelings. I learn to-day, for +the first time, that we are--are ruined." + +She did not lift her eyebrows, or look fixedly; but without any change at +all, said, "Is there no doubt about it?" + +"None whatever." This was given emphatically. Resentment at the perfect +realization of her anticipated worldly indifference lent him force. + +"Ruined?" she said. + +"Yes." + +"You I'll be more so than you were a month ago. I mean, you tell me +nothing new, I have known it." + +Amid the crush and hurry in his brain, caused by this strange +communication, pressed the necessity to vindicate his honour. + +"I give you the word of a gentleman, Lady Charlotte, that I came to you +the first moment it has been made known to me. I never suspected it +before this day." + +"Nothing would prompt me to disbelieve that." She reached him her hand. + +"You have known it!" he broke from a short silence. + +"Yes--never mind how. I could not allude to it. Of course I had to wait +till you took the initiative." + +The impulse to think the best of what we are on the point of renouncing +is spontaneous. If at the same time this object shall exhibit itself in +altogether new, undreamt-of, glorious colours, others besides a +sentimentalist might waver, and be in some danger of clutching it a +little tenderly ere it is cast off. + +"My duty was to tell you the very instant it came to my knowledge," he +said, fascinated in his heart by the display of greatness of mind which +he now half divined to be approaching, and wished to avoid. + +"Well, I suppose that is a duty between friends?" said she. + +"Between friends! Shall we still--always be friends?" + +"I think I have said more than once that it won't be my fault if we are +not." + +"Because, the greater and happier ambition to which I aspired..." This +was what he designed to say, sentimentally propelled, by way of graceful +exit, and what was almost printed on a scroll in his head for the tongue +to read off fluently. He stopped at 'the greater,' beginning to stumble +--to flounder; and fearing that he said less than was due as a compliment +to the occasion, he said more. + +By no means a quick reader of character, Lady Charlotte nevertheless +perceived that the man who spoke in this fashion, after what she had +confessed, must be sentimentally, if not actually, playing double. + +Thus she came to his assistance: "Are you begging permission to break our +engagement?" + +"At least, whatever I do get I must beg for now!" He took refuge +adroitly in a foolish reply, and it served him. That he had in all +probability lost his chance by the method he had adopted, and by +sentimentalizing at the wrong moment, was becoming evident, +notwithstanding. In a sort of despair he attempted comfort by critically +examining her features, and trying to suit them to one or other of the +numerous models of Love that a young man carries about with him. Her +eyes met his, and even as he was deciding against her on almost every +point, the force of their frankness held his judgement in suspense. + +"The world is rather harsh upon women in these cases," she said, turning +her head a lithe, with a conscious droop of the eyelids. "I will act as +if we had an equal burden between us. On my side, what you have to tell +me does not alter me. I have known it.... You see that I am just the +same to you. For your part, you are free, if you please. That is fair +dealing, is it not?" + +The gentleman's mechanical assent provoked the lady's smile. + +But Wilfrid was torn between a profound admiration of her and the galling +reflection that until she had named the engagement, none had virtually +existed which diplomacy, aided by time and accident, might not have +stopped. + +"You must be aware that I am portionless," she continued. "I have--let +me name the sum--a thousand pounds. It is some credit to me that I have +had it five years and not spent it. Some men would think that a quality +worth double the amount. Well, you will make up your mind to my bringing +you no money;--I have a few jewels. En revanche, my habits are not +expensive. I like a horse, but I can do without one. I like a large +house, and can live in a small one. I like a French cook, and can dine +comfortably off a single dish. Society is very much to my taste; I shall +indulge it when I am whipped at home." + +Wilfrid took her hand and pressed his lips to the fingers, keeping his +face ponderingly down. He was again so divided that the effort to find +himself absorbed all his thinking faculties. + +At last he muttered: "A lieutenant's pay!"--expecting her to reply, "We +can wait," as girls do that find it pleasant to be adored by curates, +Then might follow a meditative pause--a short gaze at her, from which she +could have the option of reflecting that to wait is not the privilege of +those who have lived to acquire patience. The track he marked out was +clever in a poor way; perhaps it was not positively unkind to instigate +her to look at her age: but though he read character shrewdly, and knew +hers pretty accurately, he was himself too much of a straw at the moment +to be capable of leading-moves. + +"We can make up our minds, without great difficulty, to regard the +lieutenant's pay as nothing at all," was Lady Charlotte's answer. "You +will enter the Diplomatic Service. My interest alone could do that. If +we are married, there would be plenty to see the necessity for pushing +us. I don't know whether you could keep the lieutenancy; you might. I +should not like you to quit the Army: an opening might come in it. +There's the Indian Staff--the Persian Mission: they like soldiers for +those Eastern posts. But we must take what we can get. We should, +anyhow, live abroad, where in the matter of money society is more +sensible. We should be able to choose our own, and advertize tea, +brioche, and conversation in return for the delicacies of the season." + +"But you, Charlotte--you could never live that life!" Wilfrid broke in, +the contemplation of her plain sincerity diminishing him to himself. "It +would drag you down too horribly!" + +"Remorse at giving tea in return for dinners and balls?" + +"Ah! there are other things to consider." + +She blushed unwontedly. + +Something, lighted by the blush, struck him as very feminine and noble. + +"Then I may flatter myself that you love me?" he whispered. + +"Do you not see?" she rejoined. "My project is nothing but a whim--a +whim." + +The divided man saw himself whole, if not happy in the ranks of +Diplomacy, with a resolute, frank, faithful woman (a lady of title) +loving him, to back him. Fortune shone ahead, and on the road he saw +where his deficiencies would be filled up by her. She was firm and open +--he irresolute and self-involved. Animal courage both possessed. Their +differences were so extreme that they met where they differed. It struck +him specially now that she would be like Day to his spirit in continued +intercourse. Young as he was he had wisdom to know the right meaning of +the word "helpmate." It was as if the head had dealt the heart a blow, +saying, "See here the lady thou art to serve." But the heart was a surly +rebel. Lady Charlotte was fully justified in retorting upon his last +question: "I think I also should ask, do you love me? It is not +absolutely imperative for the occasion or for the catastrophe, I merely +ask for what is called information." + +And yet, despite her flippancy, which was partly designed to relieve his +embarrassment, her hand was moist and her eyes were singularly watchful. + +"You who sneer at love!" He gave a musical murmur. + +"Not at all. I think it a very useful part of the capital to begin the +married business upon." + +"You unsay your own words." + +"Not 'absolutely imperative,' I think I said, if I remember rightly." + +"But I take the other view, Charlotte." + +"You imagine that there must be a little bit of love." + +"There should be no marriage without it." + +"On both sides?" + +"At least, if not on both sides, one should bring such a love." + +"Enough for two! So, then, we are not to examine your basket?" + +Touched by the pretty thing herein implied, he squeezed her hand. + +"This is the answer?" said she. + +"Can you doubt me?" + +She rose from her seat. "Oh! if you talk in that style, I really am +tempted to say that I do. Are there men--women and women--men? My dear +Wilfrid, have we changed parts to-night?" + +His quickness in retrieving a false position, outwardly, came to his aid. +He rose likewise, and, while perfecting the minor details of an easy +attitude against the mantelpiece, said: "I am so constituted, Charlotte, +that I can't talk of my feelings in a business tone; and I avoid that +subject unless... You spoke of a basket just now. Well, I confess I +can't bring mine into the market and bawl out that I have so many pounds' +weight of the required material. Would a man go to the market at all if +he had nothing to dispose of? In plain words--since my fault appears to +be, according to your reading, in the opposite direction--should I be +here if my sentiments could not reply eloquently to your question?" + +This very common masterpiece of cunning from a man in a corner, which +suggests with so persuasive an air that he has ruled his actions up to +the very moment when he faces you, and had almost preconceived the +present occasion, rather won Lady Charlotte; or it seemed to, or the +scene had been too long for her vigilance. + +"In the affirmative?" she whispered, coming nearer to him. + +She knew that she had only to let her right shoulder slip under his left +arm, and he would very soon proclaim himself her lover as ardently as +might be wished. Why did she hesitate to touch the blood of the man? It +was her fate never to have her great heart read aright. Wilfrid could +not know that generosity rather than iciness restrained her from yielding +that one unknown kiss which would have given the final spring to passion +in his breast. He wanted the justification of his senses, and to run +headlong blindly. Had she nothing of a woman's instinct? + +"In the affirmative!" was his serene reply. + +"That means "Yes." Her tone had become pleasantly soft. + +"Yes, that means 'Yes,'" said he. + +She shut her eyes, murmuring, "How happy are those who hear that they are +loved!" and opening them, all her face being red, "Say it!" she pleaded. +Her fingers fell upon his wrist. "I have this weakness, Wilfrid; I wish +to hear you say it." + +The flush of her face, and tremour of her fingers, told of an unimagined +agitation hardly to be believed, though seen and felt. Yet, still some +sign, some shade of a repulsion in her figure, kept him as far from her +as any rigid rival might have stipulated for. + +The interrogation to the attentive heavens was partially framed in his +mind, "How can I tell this woman I love her, without..." without putting +his arm about her waist, and demonstrating it satisfactorily to himself +as well as to her? In other words, not so framed, "How, without that +frenzy which shall make me forget whether it be so or not?" + +He remained in his attitude, incapable of moving or speaking, but +fancying, that possibly he was again to catch a glimpse of the vanished +mountain nymph, sweet Liberty. Her woman's instinct warmed more and +more, until, if she did not quite apprehend his condition, she at least +understood that the pause was one preliminary to a man's feeling himself +a fool. + +"Dear Wilfrid," she whispered, "you think you are doubted. I want to be +certain that you think you have met the right woman to help you, in me." + +He passed through the loophole here indicated, and breathed. + +"Yes, Charlotte, I am sure of that. If I could be only half as worthy! +You are full of courage and unselfishness, and, I could swear, faithful +as steel." + +"Thank you--not dogs," she laughed. "I like steel. I hope to be a good +sword in your hand, my knight--or shield, or whatever purpose you put me +to." + +She went on smiling, and seeming to draw closer to him and throw down +defences. + +"After all, Wilfrid, the task of loving your good piece of steel won't be +less thoroughly accomplished because you find it difficult. Sir, I do +not admit any protestation. Handsome faces, musical voices, sly manners, +and methods that I choose not to employ, make the business easy to men." + +"Who discover that the lady is not steel," said Wilfrid. "Need she, in +any case, wear so much there?" + +He pointed, flittingly as it were, with his little finger to the slope of +her neck. + +She turned her wrist, touching the spot: "Here? You have seen, then, +that it is something worn?" + +There followed a delicious interplay of eyes. Who would have thought +that hers could be sweet and mean so much? + +"It is something worn, then? And thrown aside for me only, Charlotte?" + +"For him who loves me," she said. + +"For me!" + +"For him who loves me," she repeated. + +"Then it is for me!" + +She had moved back, showing a harder figure, or the "I love you, love +you!" would have sounded with force. It came, though not so vehemently +as might have been, to the appeal of a soft fixed look. + +"Yes, I love you, Charlotte; you know that I do." + +"You love me?" + +"Yes." + +"Say it." + +"I love you! Dead, inanimate Charlotte, I love you!" + +She threw out her hand as one would throw a bone to a dog. + +"My living, breathing, noble Charlotte," he cried, a little bewitched, "I +love you with all my heart!" + +It surprised him that her features should be gradually expressing less +delight. + +"With all your heart?" + +"Could I give you a part?" + +"It is done, sometimes," she said, mock-sadly. Then, in her original +voice: "Good. I never credited that story of you and the girl Emilia. +I suppose what people say is a lie?" + +Her eyes, in perfect accordance with the tone she had adopted, set a +quiet watch on him. + +"Who says it?" he thundered, just as she anticipated. + +"It's not true?" + +"Not true!--how can it be true?" + +"You never loved Emilia Belloni?--don't love her now?--do not love her +now? If you have ever said that you love Emilia Belloni, recant, and you +are forgiven; and then go, for I think I hear Georgiana below. Quick! I +am not acting. It's earnest. The word, if you please, as you are a +gentleman. Tell me, because I have heard tales. I have been perplexed +about you. I am sure you're a manly fellow, who would never have played +tricks with a girl you were bound to protect; but you might have--pardon +the slang--spooned,--who knows? You might have been in love with her +downright. No harm, even if a trifle foolish; but in the present case, +set my mind at rest. Quick! There are both my hands. Take them, press +them, and speak." + +The two hands were taken, but his voice was not so much at command. No +image of Emilia rose in his mind to reproach him with the casting over of +his heart's dear mistress, but a blind struggle went on. It seemed that +he could do what he dared not utter. The folly of lips more loyal than +the spirit touched his lively perception; and as the hot inward struggle, +masked behind his softly-playing eyes, had reduced his personal +consciousness so that if he spoke from his feeling there was a chance of +his figuring feebly, he put on his ever-ready other self:-- + +"Categorically I reply: Have I loved Miss Emilia Belloni?--No. Do I?-- +No. Do I love Charlotte Chillingworth?--Yes, ten thousand times! And +now let Britomart disarm." + +He sought to get his reward by gentle muscular persuasion. Her arms +alone yielded: and he judged from the angle of the neck, ultra-sharp +though it was, that her averted face might be her form of exhibiting +maidenly reluctance, feminine modesty. Suddenly the fingers in his grasp +twisted, and not being at once released, she turned round to him. + +"For God's sake, spare the girl!" + +Emilia stood in the doorway. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVII + +A knock at Merthyr's chamber called him out while he sat writing to +Marini on the national business. He heard Georgiana's voice begging him +to come to her quickly. When he saw her face the stain of tears was +there. + +"Anything the matter with Charlotte?" was his first question. + +"No. But, come: I will tell you on the way. Do not look at me." + +"No personal matter of any kind?" + +"Oh, no! I can have none;" and she took his hand for a moment. + +They passed into the dark windy street smelling of the sea. + +"Emilia is here," said Georgiana. "I want you to persuade her--you will +have influence with her. Oh, Merthyr! my darling brother! I thank God I +love my brother with all my love! What a dreadful thing it is for a +woman to love a man:" + +"I suppose it is, while she has nothing else to do," said Merthyr. "How +did she come?--why?" + +"If you had seen Emilia to-night, you would have felt that the difference +is absolute." Georgiana dealt first with the general case. "she came, I +think, by some appointment." + +"Also just as absolute between her and her sex," he rejoined, controlling +himself, not to be less cool. "What has happened?" + +Georgiana pointed to the hotel whither their steps were bent. "That is +where Charlotte sleeps. Her going there was not a freak; she had an +object. She wished to cure Emilia of her love for Mr. Wilfrid Pole. +Emilia had come down to see him. Charlotte put her in an adjoining room +to hear him say--what I presume they do say when the fit is on them! Was +it not singular folly?" + +It was a folly that Merthyr could not understand in his friend Charlotte. +He said so, and then he gave a kindly sad exclamation of Emilia's name. + +"You do pity her still!" cried Georgiana, her heart leaping to hear it +expressed so simply. + +"Why, what other feeling can I have?" said he unsuspiciously. + +"No, dear Merthyr," she replied; and only by her tone he read the guilty +little rejoicing in her heart, marvelling at jealousy that could twist so +straight a stem as his sister's spirit. This had taught her, who knew +nothing of love, that a man loving does not pity in such a ease." + +"I hope you will find her here:" Georgiana hurried her steps. "Say +anything to comfort her. I will have her with me, and try and teach her +what self-control means, and how it is to be won. If ever she can act on +the stage as she spoke to-night, she will be a great dramatic genius. +She was transformed. She uses strange forcible expressions that one does +not hear in every-day life. She crushed Charlotte as if she had taken +her up in one hand, and without any display at all: no gesture, or spasm. +I noticed, as they stood together, that there is such a contrast between +animal courage and imaginative fire." + +"Charlotte could meet a great occasion, I should think," said Merthyr; +and, taking his sister by the elbow: "You speak as if you had observed +very coolly. Did Emilia leave you so cold? Did she seem to speak from +head, not from heart?" + +"No; she moved me--poor child! Only, how humiliating to hear her beg for +love!--before us." + +Merthyr smiled: "I thought it must be the woman's feeling that would +interfere to stop a natural emotion. Is it true--or did I not see that +certain eyes were red just now?" + +"That was for him," said Georgiana, hastily. "I am sure that no man has +stood in such a position as he did. To see a man made publicly ashamed, +and bearing it. I have never had to endure so painful a sight." + +"To stand between two women, claimed by both, like Solomon's babe! A man +might as well at once have Solomon's judgement put into execution upon +him. You wept for him! Do you know, Georgey, that charity of your sex, +which makes you cry at any 'affecting situation,' must have been +designed to compensate to us for the severities of Providence." + +"No, Merthyr;" she arrested his raillery. "Do I ever cry? But I +thought--if it had been my brother! and almost at the thought I felt the +tears rush at my eyelids, as if the shame had been mine." + +"The probability of its not being your brother seemed distant at the +moment," said Merthyr, with his half-melancholy smile. "Tell me--I can +conjure up the scene: but tell me whether you saw more passions than one +in her face?" + +"Emilia's? No. Her face reminded me of the sombre--that dull glow of a +fire that you leave burning in the grate late on winter nights. Was that +natural? It struck me that her dramatic instinct was as much alive as +her passion." + +"Had she been clumsy, would you not have been less suspicious of her? +And if she had only shown the accustomed northern retenue, and merely +looked all that she had to say 'preserved her dignity'--our womanly +critic would have been completely satisfied." + +"But, Merthyr, to parade her feelings, and then to go on appealing!" + +"On the principle that she ought to be ashamed of them, she was wrong." + +"If you had heard her utter abandonment!" + +"I can believe that she did not blush." + +"It seems to me to belong to those excesses that prompt--that are in +themselves a species of suicide." + +"Love is said to be the death of self." + +"No; but I must use cant words, Merthyr; I do wish to see modesty. Yes, +I know I must be right." + +"There is very little of it to be had in a tropical storm." + +"You admit, then, that this sort of love is a storm that passes?" + +"It passes, I hope." + +"But where is your defence of her now?" + +"Have I defended her? I need not try. A man has deceived her, and she +doesn't think it possible; and has said so, I presume. When she sees it, +she will be quieter than most. She will not reproach him subsequently. +Here is the hotel, and that must be Charlotte's room, if I may judge by +the lights. What pranks will she always be playing! We seem to have +brought new elements into the little town. Do you remember Bergamo the +rainy night the Austrian trooped out of Milan?--one light that was a +thousand in the twinkling of an eye!" + +Having arrived, he ran hastily up to the room, expecting to find the +three; but Lady Charlotte was alone, sitting in her chair with knotted +arms. "Ah, Merthyr!" she said, "I'm sorry you should have been +disturbed. I perceive what Georgey's leaving the room meant. I suppose +the hotel people are used to yachting-parties." And then, not seeing any +friendly demonstration on his part, she folded her arms in another knot. +Georgiana asked where Emilia was. Lady Charlotte replied that Emilia had +gone, and then Wilfrid had followed her, one minute later, to get her +into shelter somewhere. Or put penknives out of her way. "I am rather +fatigued with a scene, Merthyr. I never had an idea before of what your +Southern women were. One plays decidedly second to them while the fit +lasts. Of course, you have a notion that I planned the whole of the +absurd business. This is the case:--I found the girl on the beach: she +follows him everywhere, which is bad for her reputation, because in this +climate people suspect, positive reasons for that kind of female +devotedness. So, to put an end to it--really for her own sake, quite as +much as anything else--am I a monster of insensibility, Merthyr?--I made +her swear an oath: one must be a point above wild animals to feel that to +be binding, however! I made her swear to listen and remain there silent +till I opened the door to set her at liberty. She consented--gave her +word solemnly. I calculated that she might faint, and fixed her in an +arm-chair. Was that cruel? Merthyr, you have called me Austrian more +than once; but, upon my honour, I wanted her to get over her delusion +comfortably. I thought she would have kept the oath, I confess; she +looked up like a child when she was making it. You have heard the rest +from Georgey. I must say the situation was rather hard on Wilfrid. If +he blames me it will be excuseable, though what I did plan was to save +him from a situation somewhat worse. So now you know the whole, Merthyr. +Commence your lecture. Make me a martyr to the sorrows of Italy once +more." + +Merthyr took her wrist, feeling the quick pulse, and dropped it. She was +effectually humbled by this direct method of dealing with her secret +heart. After some commonplace remarks had passed, she herself urged him +to send out men in search for Emilia. Before he went, she murmured a +soft "Forgive me." The pressure of her fingers was replied to, but the +words were not spoken. + +"There," she cried to Georgiana, "I have offended the only man for whose +esteem I care one particle! Devote yourself to your friends!" + +"How? 'devote yourself!'" murmured Georgiana, astonished. + +"Do you think I should have got into this hobble if I hadn't wished to +serve some one else? You must have seen that Merthyr has a sentimental +sort of fondness--call it passion--for this girl. She's his Italy in the +flesh. Is there a more civilized man in the world than Merthyr? So he +becomes fascinated by a savage. We all play the game of opposites--or +like to, and no woman in his class will ever catch him. I couldn't have +believed that he was touched by a girl, but for two or three recent +indications. You must have noticed that he has given up reading others, +and he objected the other day to a responsible office which would have +thrown him into her neighbourhood alone. These are unmistakeable signs +in Merthyr, though he has never been in love, and doesn't understand his +case a bit. Tell me, do you think it impossible?" + +Georgiana answered dryly, "You have fallen into a fresh mistake." + +Exactly. Then let me rescue you from a similar fatality, Georgey. If +your eyes are bandaged now..." + +"Are you going to be devoted to me also, Charlotte?" + +"I believe I'm a miracle of devotion," said the lady, retiring into +indifferent topics upon that phrase. She had at any rate partially +covered the figure of ridicule presented to her feminine imagination by +the aspect of her fair self exposed in public contention with one of her +sex--and for a man. It was enough to make her pulse and her brain +lively. On second thoughts, too, it had struck her that she might be +serving Merthyr in disengaging Emilia; and undoubtedly she served +Georgiana by giving her a warning. Through this silliness went the +current of a clear mind, nevertheless. The lady's heart was justified in +crying out: "What would I not abandon for my friend in his need?" +Meantime her battle in her own behalf looked less pleasing by the light +of new advantages. The question recurred: "Shall I care to win at all?" +She had to force the idea of a violent love to excuse her proceedings. +To get up any flame whatsoever, an occasional blast of jealousy had to be +called for. Jealousy was a quality she could not admit as possible to +her. So she acted on herself by an agent she repudiated, and there was +no help for it. Had Wilfrid loved her the woman's heart was ready. It +was ready with a trembling tenderness, softer and deeper than a girl's. +For Charlotte would have felt: "With this love that I have craved for, +you give me life." And she would have thanked him for both, exultingly, +to feel: "I can repay you as no girl could do;" though she had none of +the rage of love to give; as it was, she thought conscientiously that she +could help him. She liked him: his peculiar suppleness of a growing +mind, his shrouded sensibility, in conjunction with his reputation for an +evidently quite reliable prompt courage, and the mask he wore, which was +to her transparent, pleased her and touched her fancy. + +Nor was he so vain of his person as to make him seem like a boy to her. +He affected maturity. He could pass a mirror on his right or his left +without an abstracted look over either shoulder;--a poor example, but +worth something to a judge of young men. Indeed, had she chosen from a +crowd, the choice would have been one of his age. She was too set for an +older man; but a youth aspiring to be older than he was; whose faults she +saw and forgave; whose merits supplied two or three of her own +deficiencies; whom her station might help to elevate; to whom she might +come as a benefactress; feeling so while she accomplished her own +desire;--such a youth was everything to her, as she awoke to discover +after having played with him a season. If she lost him, what became of +her? Even if she had rejoiced in a mother to plot and play,--to bait and +snare for her, her time was slipping, and the choosers among her class +were wary. Her spirit, besides, was high and elective. It was gradually +stooping to nature, but would never have bowed to a fool, or, save under +protest, to one who gave all. On Wilfrid she had fixed her mind: so, +therefore, she bore the remembrance of the recent scene without much +fretting at her burdens;--the more, that Wilfrid had in no way shamed +her; and the more, that the heat of Emilia's love played round him and +illumined him. This borrowing of the passion of another is not uncommon. + +At daybreak Mrs. Chump was abroad. She had sat up for Wilfrid almost +through the night. "Oh! the arr'stocracy!" she breathed exclamations, as +she swept along the esplanade. "I'll be killed and murdered if I tell a +word." Meeting Captain Gambier, she fell into a great agitation, and +explained it as an anxiety she entertained for Wilfrid; when, becoming +entangled in the mesh of questions, she told all she knew, and nearly as +much as she suspected: which fatal step to retrieve, she entreated his +secresy. Adela was now seen fluttering hastily up the walk, fresh as a +creature of the sea-wave. Before Mrs. Chump could summon her old wrath +of yesterday, she was kissed, and to the arch interrogation as to what +she had done with this young lady's brother, replied by telling the tale +of the night again. Mrs. Chump was ostentatiously caressed into a more +comfortable opinion of the world's morality, for the nonce. Invited by +them to breakfast at the hotel, she hurried back to her villa for a +flounced dress and a lace cap of some pretensions, while they paced the +shore. + +"See what may be said!" Adela's countenance changed as she muttered it. +"Thought, would be enough," she added, shuddering. + +"Yes; if one is off guard--careless," the captain assented, flowingly. + +"Can one in earnest be other than careless? I shall walk on that line up +to the end. Who makes me deviate is my enemy!" + +The playful little person balanced herself to make one foot follow the +other along a piece of washed grey rope on the shingle. Soon she had to +stretch out her hand for help, and the captain at full arm's length +conducted her to the final knot. + +"Arrived safe!" she said, smiling. + +"But not disengaged," he rejoined, in similar style. + +"Please!" She doubled her elbow to give a little tug for her fingers. + +"No." He pressed them tighter. + +"Pray?" + +"No." + +"Must I speak to somebody else to get me released?" + +"Would you?" + +"Must I?" + +"Thank heaven, he is not yet in existence!" + +'Husband' being implied. Games of this sweet sort are warranted to carry +little people as far as they may go swifter than any other invention of +lively Satan. + +The yachting party, including Mrs. Chump, were at the breakfast-table, +and that dumb guest had done all the blushing for Lady Charlotte, when +Wilfrid entered, neat, carefully brushed, and with ready answers, though +his face could put on no fresh colours. To Mrs. Chump he bent, passing, +and was pushed away and drawn back. "Your eyes!" she whispered. + +"My--yeyes!" went Wilfrid, in schoolboy style; and she, who rarely +laughed, was struck by his humorous skill, saying to Sir Twickenham, +beside her: "He's as cunnin' as a lord!" + +Sir Twickenham expressed his ignorance of lords having usurped priority +in that department. Frightened by his portentous parliamentary +phraseology, she remained tolerably demure till the sitting was over: now +sidling in her heart to the sins of the great, whom anon she angrily +reproached. Her principal idea was, that as the world was discovered to +be so wicked, they were all in a boat going to perdition, and it would be +as well to jump out immediately: but while so resolving, she hung upon +Lady Charlotte's looks and little speeches, altogether seduced by so +fresh and frank a sinner. If safe from temptation, here was the soul of +a woman in great danger of corruption. + +"Among the aristocracy," thought Mrs. Chump, "it's just the male that +hangs his head, and the female struts and is sprightly." The contrast +between Lady Charlotte and Wilfrid (who when he ceased to set +outrageously, sat like a man stricken by a bolt), produced this +reflection: and in spite of her disastrous vision of the fate of the boat +they were in, Mrs. Chump owned to the intoxication of gliding smoothly-- +gliding on the rapids. + +The breakfast was coming to an end, when Braintop's name was sent in to +Mrs. Chump. She gave a cry of motherly compassion for Braintop, and +began to relate the little deficiencies of his temper, while, as it were, +simmering on her seat to go to him. Wilfrid sent out word for him to +appear, which he did, unluckily for himself, even as Mrs. Chump wound up +the public description of his character by remarking: "He's just the +opposite of a lord, now, in everything." Braintop stood bowing like the +most faithful confirmation of an opinion ever seen. He looked the victim +of fatigue, in the bargain. A light broke on Mrs. Chump. + +"I'll never forgive myself, ye poor gentle heart, to throw pens and pen- +wipers at ye, that did your best, poor boy! What have ye been doin'? and +why didn't ye return, and not go hoppin' about about all night like a +young kangaroo, as they say they do? Have ye read the 'Arcana of Nature +and Science,' ma'am?" + +The Hon. Mrs. Bayruffle, thus abruptly addressed, observed that she had +not, and was it an amusing book? + +"Becas it'll open your mind," pursued Mrs. Chump; "and there, he's +eatin'! and when a man takes to eatin', ye'll never have any fear about +his abouts. And if ye read the 'Arcana of Nature and Science,' ma'am, +ye'll first feel that ye've gone half mad. For it contains averything in +the world; and ye'll read ut ten times all through, and not remember five +lines runnin'! Oh, it's a dreadful book: and that's the book to read to +your husband when he's got a fit o' the gout. He's got nothin' to do but +swallow knolludge then. Now, Mr. Braintop, don't stop, but tell me as ye +go on what ye did with yourself all night." + +A slight hesitation in Braintop caused her to cross-examine him rigidly, +suggesting that he might not dare to tell, and he, exercising some self- +command, adopted narrative as the less ignominious form of confession. +No one save Mrs. Chump listened to him until he mentioned the name Miss +Belloni; and then it was curious to see the steadiness with which certain +eyes, feigning abstraction, fixed in his direction. He had met Emilia on +the outskirts of the town, and unable to persuade her to take shelter +anywhere, had walked on with her in dead silence through the night, to +the third station of the railway for London. + +"Is this a mad person?" asked the Hon. Mrs. Bayruffle. + +Adela shrugged. "A genius." + +"Don't eat with the tips of your teeth, like a bird, Mr. Braintop, for no +company minds your eatin'," cried Mrs. Chump, angrily and encouragingly; +"and this little Belloni--my belief is that she came after you; and what +have ye done with her?" + +It was queerly worried out of Braintop, who was trying his best all the +time to be obedient to Wilfrid's direct eye, that the two wanderers by +night had lost themselves in lanes, refreshed themselves with purloined +apples from the tree at dawn, obtained a draught of morning milk, with a +handful of damsons apiece, and that nothing would persuade Emilia to turn +back from the route to London. Braintop bit daintily at his toast, +unwilling to proceed under the discouraging expression of Wilfrid's face, +and the meditative silence of two or three others. The discovery was +forcibly extracted that Emilia had no money;--that all she had in her +possession was sevenpence and a thimble; and that he, Braintop, had but a +few shillings, which she would not accept. + +"And what has become of her?" was asked. + +Braintop stated that she had returned to London, and, blushing, confessed +that he had given her his return ticket. + +Georgiana here interposed to save him from the awful encomiums of Mrs. +Chump, by desiring to know whether Emilia seemed unhappy or distressed. +Braintop's spirited reply, "Not at all," was corrected to: "She did not +cry;" and further modified: "That is, she called out sharply when I +whistled an opera tune." + +Lady Charlotte put a stop to the subject by rising pointedly. Watch in +hand, she questioned the ladies as to their occupations, and told them +what time they had to dispose of. Then Baynes, captain of the yacht, +heard to be outside, was summoned in. He pronounced doubtfully about the +weather, but admitted that there was plenty of wind, and if the ladies +did not mind it a little fresh, he was sure he did not. Wind was +favourable for the island head-quarters of the yacht. "We'll see who +gets there first," she said to Wilfrid, and the company learnt that +Wilfrid was going to other head-quarters on special business, whereupon +there followed chatter and exclamations. Wilfrid quickly explained that +his father's condition called him away imperiously. To Adela and Mrs. +Chump, demanding peculiar personal explanations, he gave reassuring +reasons separately, aside. Mrs. Chump understood that this was merely +his excuse to get away, that he might see her safe to Brookfield. Adela +only required a look and a gesture. Merthyr and Georgiana likewise spoke +expected adieux, as did Sir Twickenham, who parted company in his own +little yawl. Lady Charlotte, with her head over a map, and one hand +arranging an eye-glass, hastily nodded them off, scarcely looking at +them. She allowed herself to be diverted from this study for an instant +by the unbefitting noise made by Adela for the loss of her brother; not +that she objected to the noise particularly (it was modulated and +delicate in tone), but that she could not understand it. Seeing Sir +Twickenham, however, in a leave-taking attitude, she uttered an easy +"Oh!" to herself, and diligently recommenced spying at ports and +harbours, and following the walnut thumb of Baynes on the map. All +seemed to be perfectly correct in the arrangements. To go to London was +Wilfrid's thought; and the rest were almost as much occupied with their +own ideas. Captain Gambier received their semi-ironical congratulations +and condolences incident to the man who is left alone in the charge of +sweet ladies; and the Hon. Mrs. Bayruffle remarked, that she supposed ten +hours not a long period of time, though her responsibility was onerous. + +"Lady Gosstre is at the island," said Lady Charlotte, to show where it +might end, if she pleased. Within an hour the yacht was flying for the +island with a full Western breeze: and Mrs. Chump and Wilfrid were +speeding to Brookfield, as the latter permitted her to imagine. Braintop +realized the fruits of the sacrifice of his return ticket by facing Mrs. +Chump in the train. Merthyr had telegraphed to Marini to meet Emilia at +the station in London, and instructed Braintop to deliver a letter for +her at Marini's house. To Marini he wrote: "Let Giulia guard her as no +one but a woman can in such a case. By this time Giulia will know her +value. There is dangerous stuff in her now, and my anxiety is very +great. Have you seen what a nature it is? You have not alluded to her +beyond answers to instructions, but her character cannot have escaped +you. I am never mistaken in my estimates of Italian and Cymric blood. +Singularly, too, she is part Welsh on the mother's side, to judge by the +name. Leave her mind entirely free till it craves openly for some +counteraction. Her Italy and her music will not do. Let them be. My +fear is that you have seen too clearly what a daughter of Italy I have +found for you. But whatever you put up now to distract her, you +sacrifice. My good Marini! bear that in mind. It will be a disgust in +her memory, and I wish her to love her country and her Art when she +recovers. So we treat the disease, dear friend. Let your Italy have no +sorrows for her ears till the storm within is tranquil. I am with you +speedily." + +Marini's reply said: "Among all the things we have to thank our Merthyr +for, this treasure, if it is not the greatest he has given to us, makes +us grateful the most. We met her at the station. Ah! there was an elbow +when she gave her hand. She thought to be alone, and started, and hated, +till Giulia smothered her face. And there was dead fire in the eyes, +which is powder when you spring it. We go with her to her new lodging, +and the track is lost. This is your wish? It is pitching new camps to +avoid the enemy. But so! a man takes this disease and his common work at +once of a woman--she is all the disease, till it is extinct, or she! +What is this disease but a silly, a senseless waste? Giulia--woman that +she is!--will not call it so. See her eyes doze and her voice go a soft +buzz when she speaks it! As a dove of the woods! That it almost makes +it sweet to me! Yes, a daughter of Italy! So Giulia has been:--will be? +I know not! So will this your Emilia be in the time that comes to the +young people, she has this, as you say, malady very strong--ma, ogni male +ha la sua ricetta; I can say it of persons. Of nations to think my heart +is as an infidel--very heavy. Ah! till I turn to you--who revive to the +thought, as you were an army of deliverance. For you are Hope. You know +not Despair. You are Hope. And you love as myself a mother whose son +you are not! 'Oh!' is Giulia's cry, 'will our Italy reward him with a +daughter?'--the noblest that we have. Yes, for she would be Italian +always through you. We pray that you may not get old too soon, before +she grows for you and is found, only that you may know in her our love. +See! I am brought to talk this language. The woman is in me." + +Merthyr said, as he read this, "I could wish no better." His feeling for +Emilia waxed toward a self-avowal as she advanced to womanhood; and the +last stage of it had struck among trembling strings in the inmost +chambers of his heart. That last stage of it--her passionate claiming of +Wilfrid before two women, one her rival--slept like a covered furnace +within him. "Can you remember none of her words?" he said more than once +to Georgiana, who replied: "I would try to give you an idea of what she +said, but I might as well try to paint lightning." + +"'My lover'?" suggested Merthyr. + +"Oh, yes; that she said." + +"It sounded oddly to your ears?" + +"Very, indeed." + +"What more?" + +"--did she say, do you mean?" + +"Is my poor sister ashamed to repeat it?" + +"I would repeat anything that would give you pleasure to hear." + +"Sometimes pain, you know, is sweet." + +Little by little, and with a contest at each step, Georgiana coasted the +conviction that her undivided reign was over. Then she judged Emilia by +human nature's hardest standard: the measure of the qualities brought as +usurper and successor. Unconsciously she placed herself in the seat of +one who had fulfilled all the great things demanded of a woman for +Merthyr, and it seemed to her that Emilia exercised some fatal +fascination, girl though she was, to hurl her from that happy +sovereignty. + +But Emilia's worst crime before the arraigning lady was that Wilfrid had +cast her off. Female justice, therefore, said: "You must be unworthy of +my brother;" and female delicacy thought: "You have been soiled by a +previous history." She had pitied Wilfrid: now she held him partially +blameless: and while love was throbbing in many pulses all round her. +The man she had seen besieged by passionate love, touched her cold +imagination with a hue of fire, as Winter dawn lies on a frosty field. +She almost conceived what this other, not sisterly, love might be; though +not as its victim, by any means. She became, as she had never before +been, spiritually tormented and restless. The thought framed itself that +Charlotte and Wilfrid were not, by any law of selection, to match. What +mattered it? Simply that it in some way seemed to increase the merits of +one of the two. The task, moreover, of avoiding to tease her brother was +made easier to her by flying to this new refuge of mysterious reflection. +At times she poured back the whole flood of her heart upon Merthyr, and +then in alarm at the host of little passions that grew cravingly alive in +her, she turned her thoughts to Wilfrid again; and so, till they turned +wittingly to him. That this host of little passions will invariably +surround a false great one, she learnt by degrees, by having to quell +them and rise out of them. She knew that now she occasionally forced her +passion for Merthyr; but what nothing could teach her was, that she did +so to eject another's image. On the contrary, her confession would have +been: "Voluntarily I dwell upon that other, that my love for Merthyr may +avoid excess." To such a state of clearness much self-questioning +brought her: but her blood was as yet unwarmed; and that is a condition +fostering self-deception as much as when it rages. + +Madame Marini wrote to ask whether Emilia might receive the visits of a +Sir Purcell Barrett, whom they had met, and whom Emilia called her +friend; adding: "The other gentleman has called at our old lodgings three +times. The last time our landlady says, he wept. Is it an Englishman, +really?" + +Merthyr laughed at this, remarking: "Charlotte is not so vigilant, after +all." + +"He wept." Georgiana thought and remembered the cold self-command that +his face had shown when Emilia claimed him, and his sole reply was, "I am +engaged to this lady," designating Lady Charlotte. Now, too, some of +Emilia's phrases took life in her memory. She studied them, thinking +over them, as if a voice of nature had spoken. Less and less it seemed +to her that a woman need feel shame to utter them. She interpreted this +as her growth of charity for a girl so violently stricken with love. "In +such a case, the more she says the more is she to be excused; for nothing +but a frenzy of passion could move her to speak so," thought Georgiana. +Accepting the words, and sanctioning the passion, the person of him who +had inspired it stood magnified in its light. She believed that if he +had played with the girl, he repented, and the idea of a man shedding +tears burnt to her heart. + +Merthyr and Georgiana remained in Devonshire till a letter from Madame +Marini one morning told them that Emilia had disappeared. + +"You delayed too long to go to her, Merthyr," said his sister, +astonishing him. "I understand why; but you may trust to time and scorn +chance too much. Let us go now and find her, if it is not too late." + +Marini met them at the station in London, and they heard that Wilfrid had +discovered Marini's new abode, and had called there that morning. "I had +my eye on him. It was not a piece of love-play," said Marini: "and today +she should have seen my Chief, which would have cured her of sis +pestilence of a love, to give her sublime thoughts. Do you love her, +Miss Ford? Aha! it will be Christian names in Italy again." + +"I like her very much," said Georgiana; "but I confess it mystifies me to +see you all so excited about her. It must be some attraction possessed +by her--what, I cannot say. I like her, certainly." + +"Figlia mia! she is an element--she is fire!" said Marini. "My sought, +when our Mertyr brought her, was, it is Italy he sees in her face--her +voice--name--anysing! And a day passed, and I could not lose her for my +own sake, and felt a somesing, too! She is half man." + +"A singular reason for an attraction." Georgiana smiled. + +"She is not," Marini put out his fingers like claws to explain, while his +eyelashes met over his eyes--"she is not what man has made of your sex; +and she is brave of heart." + +"Can you possibly tell what such a child can be?" questioned Georgiana, +almost irritably. + +Marini did not reply to her. + +"A face to find a home in!--eh, Mertyr?" + +"Let's discover where that face has found a home," said Merthyr. "She is +a very plain and unpretending person, if people will not insist upon her +being more. This morbid admiration of heroines puts a trifle too much +weight upon their shoulders, does it not?" + +Georgiana knew that to call Emilia 'child' was to wound the most +sensitive nerve in Merthyr's system, if he loved her, and she had +determined to try harshly whether he did. Nevertheless, though the +expression succeeded, and was designedly cruel, she could not forgive the +insincerity of his last speech; craving in truth for confidence as her +smallest claim on him now. So, at all the consultations, she acquiesced +in any scheme that was proposed; the advertizings and the use of +detectives; the communication with Emilia's mother and father; and the +callings at suburban concert-rooms. Sir Purcell Barrett frequently +called to assist in the discovery. At first he led them to suspect Mr. +Pericles; but a trusty Italian playing spy upon that gentleman soon +cleared him, and they were more in the dark than ever. It was only when +at last Georgiana heard Merthyr, the picture of polished self-possession, +giving way to a burst of disappointment in the room before them all: "Are +we sure that she lives?" he cried:--then Georgiana, looking at the +firelight over her joined fingers, said:-- + +"But, have you forgotten the serviceable brigade you have in your organ- +boys, Marini? If Emilia sees one, be sure she will speak to him." + +"Have I not said she is a General?" Marini pointed at Georgiana with a +gleam of his dark eyes, and Merthyr squeezed his sister's hand, thanking +her; by which he gave her one whole night of remorse, because she had not +spoken earlier. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVIII + +"My voice! I have my voice!" + +Emilia had cried it out to herself almost aloud, on the journey from +Devon to London. The landscape slipping under her eyes, with flashing +grey pools and light silver freshets, little glades, little copses, +farms, and meadows rounding away to spires of village churches under blue +hills, would not let her sink, heavy as was the spirit within her, and +dead to everything as she desired to be. Here, a great strange old oak +spread out its arms and seemed to hold the hurrying train a minute. When +gone by, Emilia thought of it as a friend, and that there, there, was the +shelter and thick darkness she had hoped she might be flying to. Or the +reach of a stream was seen, and in the middle of it one fair group of +clouds, showing distance beyond distance in colour. Emilia shut her +sight, and tried painfully to believe that there were no distances for +her. This was an easy task when the train stopped. It was surprising to +her then why the people moved. The whistle of the engine and rush of the +scenery set her imagination anew upon the horror of being motionless. + +"My voice! I have my voice!" The exclamation recurred at intervals, as +a quick fear, that bubbled up from blind sensation, of her being utterly +abandoned, and a stray thing carrying no light, startled her. Darkness +she still had her desire for; but not to be dark in the darkness. She +looked back on the recent night as a lake of fire, through which she had +plunged; and of all the faculties about her, memory had suffered most, so +that it could recall no images of what had happened, but lay against its +black corner a shuddering bundle of nerves. The varying fields and woods +and waters offering themselves to her in the swiftness, were as wine +dashed to her lips, which could not be dead to it. The wish to be of +some worth began a painful quickening movement. At first she could have +sobbed with the keen anguish that instantaneously beset her. For--"If I +am of worth, who looks on me?" was her outcry, and the darkness she had +previously coveted fell with the strength of a mace on her forehead; but +the creature's heart struggled further, and by-and-by in despite of her +the pulses sprang a clear outlook on hope. It struck through her like +the first throb of a sword-cut. She tried to blind herself to it; the +face of hope was hateful. + +This conflict of the baffled spirit of youth with its forceful flood of +being continued until it seemed that Emilia was lifted through the fiery +circles into daylight; her last cry being as her first: "I have my +voice!" + +Of that which her voice was to achieve for her she never thought. She +had no thought of value, but only an eagerness to feel herself possessor +of something. Wilfrid had appeared to her to have taken all from her, +until the recollection of her voice made her breathe suddenly quick and +deep, as one recovering the taste of life. + +Despair, I have said before, is a wilful business, common to corrupt +blood, and to weak woeful minds: native to the sentimentalist of the +better order. The only touch of it that came to Emilia was when she +attempted to penetrate to Wilfrid's reason for calling her down to Devon +that he might renounce and abandon her. She wanted a reason to make him +in harmony with his acts, and she could get none. This made the world +look black to her. But, "I have my voice!" she said, exhausted by the +passion of the night, tearless, and only sensible to pain when the keen +swift wind, and the flying squares of field and meadow prompted her +nature mysteriously to press for healthy action. + +A man opposite to her ventured a remark: "We're going at a pretty good +pace now, miss." + +She turned her eyes to him, and the sense of speed was reduced in her at +once, she could not comprehend how. Remembering presently that she had +not answered him, she said: "It is because you are going home, perhaps, +that you think it fast." + +"No, miss," he replied, "I'm going to market. They can't put on steam +too stiff for me when I'm bound on business." + +Emilia found it impossible to fathom the sensations of the man, and their +common desire for speed bewildered her more. She was relieved when the +train was lightened of him. Soon the skirts of red vapour were visible, +and when the guard took poor Braintop's return-ticket from her petulant +hand, all of the journey that she bore in mind was the sight of a +butcher-boy in blue, with a red cap, mounted on a white horse, who rode +gallantly along a broad highroad, and for whom she had struck out some +tune to suit the measure of his gallop. + +She accepted her capture by the Marinis more calmly than Merthyr had been +led to suppose. The butcher-boy's gallop kept her senses in motion for +many hours, and that reckless equestrian embodied the idea of the +vivifying pace from which she had dropped. He went slower and slower. +By degrees the tune grew dull, and jarred; and then Emilia looked out on +the cold grey skies of our autumn, the rain and the fogs, and roaring +London filled her ears. So had ended a dream, she thought. She would +stand at the window listening to street-organs, whose hideous discord and +clippings and drawls did not madden her, and whose suggestion of a lovely +tune rolled out no golden land to her. That treasure of her voice, to +which no one in the house made allusion, became indeed a buried treasure. + +In the South-western suburb where the Marinis lived, plots of foliage +were to be seen, and there were lanes not so black but that they showed +the hues of the season. These led to the parks and to noble gardens. +Emilia daily went out to keep the dying colours of the year in view, and +walked to get among the trees, where, with Madame attendant on her, she +sat counting the leaves as each one curved, and slid, and spun to earth, +or on a gust of air hosts went aloft; but it always ended in their coming +down; Emilia verified that fact repeatedly. However high they flew, the +ground awaited them. Madame entertained her with talk of Italy, and +Tuscan wine, and Lombard bread, and Turin chocolate. Marini never +alluded to his sufferings for the loss of these cruelly interdicted +dainties, never! But Madame knew how his exile affected him. And in +England the sums one paid for everything! "One fancies one pays for +breath," said Madame, shivering. + +One day the ex-organist of Hillford Church passed before them. Emilia +let him go. The day following he passed again, but turned at the end of +the alley and simulated astonishment at the appearance of Emilia, as he +neared her. They shook hands and talked, while Madame zealously eyed any +chance person promenading the neighbourhood. She wrote for instructions +concerning this gentleman calling himself Sir Purcell Barrett, and +receiving them, she permitted Emilia to invite him to their house. "He +is an Englishman under a rope, ready for heaven," Madame described him to +her husband, who, though more at heart with Englishmen, could not but +admit that this one wore a look that appeared as a prognostication of +sadness. + +Sir Purcell informed Emilia of his accession to title; and in reply to +her "Are you not glad?" smiled and said that a mockery could scarcely +make him glad; indicating nevertheless how feeble the note of poverty was +in his grand scale of sorrow. He came to the house and met them in the +gardens frequently. With some perversity he would analyze to herself +Emilia's spirit of hope, partly perhaps for the sake of probing to what +sort of thing it might be in its nature and defences; and, as against an +accomplished disputant she made but a poor battle, he injured what was +precious to her without himself gaining any good whatever. + +"Why, what do you look forward to?" she said wondering, at the end of one +of their arguments, as he courteously termed this play of logical foils +with a baby. + +"Death," answered the grave gentleman, striding on. + +Emilia pitied him, thinking: "I might feel as he does, if I had not my +voice." Seeing that calamity very remote, she added: "I should!" + +She knew of his position toward Cornelia: that is, she knew as much as he +did: for the want of a woman's heart over which to simmer his troubles +was urgent within him and Emilia's, though it lacked experience, was a +woman's regarding love. And moreover, she did not weep, but practically +suggested his favourable chances, which it was a sad satisfaction to him +to prove baseless, and to knock utterly over. The grief in which the +soul of a human creature is persistently seeking (since it cannot be +thrown off) to clothe itself comfortably, finds in tears an irritating +expression of sympathy. Hints of a brighter future are its nourishment. +Such embryos are not tenacious of existence, and when destroyed they are +succulent food for a space to the moody grief I am describing. + +The melancholy gentleman did Emilia this good, that, never appearing to +imagine others to know misery save himself, he gave her full occupation +apart from the workings of her own mind. As to her case, he might have +offered the excuse that she really had nothing of the aspect of a +lovesick young lady, and was not a bit sea-green to view, or lamentable +in tone. He was sufficiently humane to have felt for anyone suffering, +and the proof of it is, that the only creature he saw under such an +influence he pitied so deplorably, as to make melancholy a habit with +him. He fretted her because he would do nothing, and this spectacle of a +lover beloved, but consenting to be mystified, consentingly paralyzed:-- +of a lover beloved!-- + +"Does she love you?" said Emilia, beseechingly. + +"If the truth is in her, she does," he returned. + +"She has told you she loves you?--that she loves no one else?" + +"Of this I am certain." + +"Then, why are you downcast? my goodness! I would take her by the +hand 'Woman; do you know yourself? you belong to me!'--I would say that; +and never let go her hand. That would decide everything. She must come +to you then, or you know what it is that means to separate you. My +goodness! I see it so plain!" + +But he declined to look thus low, and stood pitifully smiling:--This +spectacle, together with some subtle spur from the talk of love, roused +Emilia from her lethargy. The warmth of a new desire struck around her +heart. The old belief in her power over Wilfrid joined to a distinct +admission that she had for the moment lost him; and she said, "Yes; now, +as I am now, he can abandon me:" but how if he should see her and hear +her in that hushed hour when she was to stand as a star before men? +Emilia flushed and trembled. She lived vividly though her far-projected +sensations, until truly pity for Wilfrid was active in her bosom, she +feeling how he would yearn for her. The vengeance seemed to her so keen +that pity could not fail to come. Thus, to her contemplation, their +positions became reversed: it was Wilfrid now who stood in the darkness, +unselected. Her fiery fancy, unchained from the despotic heart, +illumined her under the golden future. + +"Come to us this evening, I will sing to you," she said, and the +'Englishman under a rope' bowed assentingly. + +"Sad songs, if you like," she added. + +"I have always thought sadness more musical than mirth," said he. +"Surely there is more grace in sadness!" + +Poetry, sculpture, and songs, and all the Arts, were brought forward in +mournful array to demonstrate the truth of his theory. + +When Emilia understood him, she cited dogs and cats, and birds, and all +things of nature that rejoiced and revelled, in support of the opposite +view. + +"Nay, if animals are to be your illustration!" he protested. He had been +perhaps half under the delusion that he spoke with Cornelia, and with a +sense of infinite misery, he compressed the apt distinction that he had +in his mind; which was to show where humanity and simple nature drew a +line, and wherein humanity claimed the loftier seat. + +"But such talk must be uttered to a soul," he phrased internally, and +Emilia was denied what belonged to Cornelia. + +Hitherto Emilia had refused to sing, and Madame Marini, faithful to her +instructions, had never allowed her to be pressed to sing. Emilia would +brood over notes, thinking: "I can take that; and that; and dwell on such +and such a note for any length of time;" but she would not call up her +voice; she would not look at her treasure. It seemed more to her, +untouched; and went on doubling its worth, until doubtless her idea of +capacity greatly relieved her of the burden on her breast, and the +reflection that she held a charm for all, and held it from all, flattered +one who had been cruelly robbed. + +On their way homeward, among the chrysanthemums in the long garden-walk, +they met Tracy Runningbrook, between whose shouts of delight and Emilia's +reserve there was so marked a contrast that one would have deemed Tracy +an offender in her sight. She had said to him entreatingly, "Do not +come," when he volunteered to call on the Marinis in the evening; and she +got away from him as quickly as she could, promising to be pleased if he +called the day following. Tracy flew leaping to one of the great houses +where he was tame cat. When Sir Purcell as they passed on spoke a +contemptuous word of his soft habits and idleness, Emilia said: "He is +one of my true friends." + +"And why is he interdicted the visit this evening?" + +"Because," she answered, and grew pale, "he--he does not care for music. +I wish I had not met him." + +She recollected how Tracy's flaming head had sprung up before her--he who +had always prophesied that she would be famous for arts unknown to her, +and not for song just when she was having a vision of triumph and +caressing the idea of her imprisoned voice bursting its captivity, and +soaring into its old heavens. + +"He does not care for music!" interjected Sir Purcell, with something +like a frown. "I have nothing in common with him. But that I might have +known. I can have nothing in common with a man who is not to be +impressed by music." + +"I love him quite as well," said Emilia. "He is a quick friend. I am +always certain of him." + +"And I imagine also that you are quits with your quick friend," added +Sir Purcell. "You do not care for verse, or he for voices!" + +"Poetry?" said Emilia; "no, not much. It seems like talking on tiptoe; +like animals in cages, always going to one end and back again...." + +"And making the same noise when they get at the end--like the bears!" Sir +Purcell slightly laughed. "You don't approve of the rhymes?" + +"Yes, I like the rhymes; but when you use words--I mean, if you are in +earnest--how can you count and have stops, and--no, I do not care +anything for poetry." + +Sir Purcell's opinion of Emilia, though he liked her, was, that if a +genius, she was an incomplete one; and his positive judgement (which I +set down in phrase that would have startled him) ranked both her and +Tracy as a pair of partial humbugs, entertaining enough. They were both +too real for him. + +Haply at that moment the girl was intensely susceptible, for she chilled +by his side; and when he left her she begged Madame to walk fast. "I +wonder whether I have a cold!" she said. + +Madame explained all the signs of it with tragic minuteness, deciding +that Emilia was free at present, and by miracle, from this English +scourge; but Emilia kept her hands at her mouth. Over the hornbeam hedge +of the lane that ran through the market-gardens, she could see a murky +sunset spreading its deep-coloured lines, that seemed to her really like +a great sorrowing over earth. It had never seemed so till now; and, +entering the house, the roar of vehicles in a neighbouring road sounded +like something implacable in the order of things among us, and clung +about her ears pitilessly. Running upstairs, she tried a scale of notes +that broke on a cough. "Did I cough purposely?" she asked herself; but +she had not the courage to try the notes again. While dressing she +hummed a passage, and sought stealthily to pass the barrier of her own +watchfulness by dwelling on a deep note, from which she was to rise +bursting with full bravura energy, and so forth on a tide of song. But +her breath failed. She stared into the glass and forced the note. A +panic caught at her heart when she heard the sound that issued. "Am I +ill? I must be hungry!" she exclaimed. "It is a cough! But I don't +cough! What is the matter with me?" + +Under these auspices she forced her voice again, and subsequently +loosened her dress, complaining of the dressmaker's affection for +tightness. "Now," she said, having fallen upon an attempt at simple "do, +re, me, fa," and laughed at herself. Was it the laugh, that stopping her +at "si," made that "si" so husky, asthmatic, like the wheezing of a +crooked old witch? "I am unlucky, to-night," said Emilia. Or, rather, +so said her surface-self. The submerged self--self in the depths--rarely +speaks to the occasions, but lies under calamity quietly apprehending +all; willing that the talker overhead should deceive others, and herself +likewise, if possible. Emilia found her hands acting daintily and +critically in the attirement of her person; and then surprised herself +murmuring: "I forgot that Tracy won't be here to-night." By which she +betrayed that she had divined those arts she was to shine in, according +to Tracy; and betrayed that she had a terrible fear of a loss of all +else. It pained her now that Tracy should not be coming. "Can I send +for him?" she thought, as she looked winningly into the glass, trying to +feel what sort of a feeling it was to be in love with a face like that +one fronting her, so familiar in its aspects, so strange when scrutinized +studiously! She drew a chair, and laying her elbow on the toilet-table, +gazed hard, until the thought: "What face did Wilfrid see last?" +(meaning, "when he saw me last") drove her away. + +Not only did she know herself now a face of many faces; but the life +within her likewise as a soul of many souls. The one Emilia, so +unquestioning, so sure, lay dead; and a dozen new spirits, with but a dim +likeness to her, were fighting for possession of her frame, now occupying +it alone, now in couples; and each casting grim reflections on the other. +Which is only a way of telling you that the great result of mortal +suffering--consciousness--had fully set in; to ripen; perhaps to debase; +at any rate, to prove her. + +To be of worth was still her fixed idea--all that was clear in the +thickening mist. "I cannot be ugly," she said, and reproved herself for +simulating a childish tone. "Why do I talk in that way? I know I am not +ugly. But if a fire scorched my face? There is nothing that seems +safe!" The love of friends was suggested to her as something to rely on; +and the loving them. "But if I have nothing to give!" said Emilia, and +opened both her empty hands. She had diverted her mind from the pressure +upon it, by this colloquy with a looking-glass, and gave herself a great +rapture by running up notes to this theme:-- + +"No, no, no, no, no!--nothing! nothing!" + +Clear, full, sonant notes; the notes of her true voice. She did not +attempt them a second time; nor, when Sir Purcell requested her to sing +in the course of the evening, did she comply. "The Signora thinks I have +a cold," she said. Madame Marini protested that she hoped not, she even +thought not, though none could avoid it at this season in this climate, +and she turned to Sir Purcell to petition for any receipts he might have +in his possession, specifics for warding off the frightful affliction of +households in England. + +"I have now twenty," said Madame, and throwing up her eyes; "I have tried +all! oh! so many lozenge!" + +Marini and Emilia laughed. While Sir Purcell was maintaining the fact of +his total ignorance of the subject against Madame's incredulity, Emilia +left the room. When she came back Madame was pressing her visitor to be +explicit with regard to a certain process of cure conducted by an +application of cold water. The Neapolitan gave several shudders as she +marked him attentively. "Water cold!" she murmured with the deepest +pathos, and dropped her face in her hands with narrowed shoulders. +Emilia held a letter over to Sir Purcell. He took it, first assuring +himself that Marini was in complicity with them. To Marini Emilia +addressed a Momus forefinger, and Marini shrugged, smiling. "Water +cold!" ejaculated Madame, showing her countenance again. "In winter! +Luigi, they are mad!" Marini poked the fire briskly, for his sensations +entirely sided with his wife. + +The letter Sir Purcell held contained these words: + + "Be kind, and meet me to-morrow at ten in the morning, at that place + where you first saw me sitting. I want you to take me to one who + will help me. I cannot lose time any more. I must work. I have + been dead for I cannot say how long. I know you will come. + + "I am, for ever, + "Your thankful friend, + + "Emilia." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIX + +The pride of punctuality brought Sir Purcell to that appointed seat in +the gardens about a minute in advance of Emilia. She came hurrying up to +him with three fingers over her lips. The morning was cold; frost edged +the flat brown chestnut and beech leaves lying about on rimy grass; so at +first he made no remark on her evident unwillingness to open her mouth, +but a feverish look of her eyes touched him with some kindly alarm for +her. + +"You should not have come out, if you think you are in any danger," he +said. + +"Not if we walk fast," she replied, in a visibly-controlled excitement. +"It will be over in an hour. This way." + +She led the marvelling gentleman toward the row, and across it under the +big black elms, begging him to walk faster. To accommodate her, he +suggested, that if they had any distance to go, they might ride, and +after a short calculating hesitation, she consented, letting him know +that she would tell him on what expedition she was bound whilst they were +riding. The accompaniment of the wheels, however, necessitated a higher +pitch of her voice, which apparently caused her to suffer from a +contraction of the throat, for she remained silent, with a discouraged +aspect, her full brown eyes showing as in a sombre meditation beneath the +thick brows. The direction had been given to the City. On they went +with the torrent, and were presently engulfed in fog. The roar grew +muffled, phantoms poured along the pavement, yellow beamless lights were +in the shop-windows, all the vehicles went at a slow march. + +"It looks as if Business were attending its own obsequies," said Sir +Purcell, whose spirits were enlivened by an atmosphere that confirmed his +impression of things. + +Emilia cried twice: "Oh! what cruel weather!" Her eyelids blinked, +either with anger or in misery. + +They were set down a little beyond the Bank, and when they turned from +the cabman, Sir Purcell was warm in his offer of his arm to her, for he +had seen her wistfully touching what money she had in her pocket, and +approved her natural good breeding in allowing it to pass unmentioned. + +"Now," he said, "I must know what you want to do." + +"A quiet place! there is no quiet place in this City," said Emilia +fretfully. + +A gentleman passing took off his hat, saying, with City politeness, +"Pardon me: you are close to a quiet place. Through that door, and the +hall, you will find a garden, where you will hear London as if it sounded +fifty miles off." + +He bowed and retired, and the two (Emilia thankful, Sir Purcell tending +to anger), following his indication, soon found themselves in a most +perfect retreat, the solitude of which they had the misfortune, however, +of destroying for another, and a scared, couple. + +Here Emilia said: "I have determined to go to Italy at once. Mr. +Pericles has offered to pay for me. It's my father's wish. And--and I +cannot wait and feel like a beggar. I must go. I shall always love +England--don't fear that!" + +Sir Purcell smiled at the simplicity of her pleading look. + +"Now, I want to know where to find Mr. Pericles," she pursued. "And if +you will come to him with me! He is sure to be very angry--I thought you +might protect me from that. But when he hears that I am really going at +last--at once!--he can laugh sometimes! you will see him rub his hands." + +"I must enquire where his chambers are to be found," said Sir Purcell. + +"Oh! anybody in the City must know him, because he is so rich." Emilia +coughed. "This fog kills me. Pray make haste. Dear friend, I trouble +you very much, but I want to get away from this. I can hardly breathe. +I shall have no heart for my task, if I don't see him soon." + +"Wait for me, then," said Sir Purcell; "you cannot wait in a better +place. And I must entreat you to be careful." He half alluded to the +adjustment of her shawl, and to anything else, as far as she might choose +to apprehend him. Her dexterity in tossing him the letter, unseen by +Madame Marini, might have frightened him and given him a dread, that +albeit woman, there was germ of wickedness in her. + +This pained him acutely, for he never forgot that she had been the means +of his introduction to Cornelia, from whom he could not wholly dissociate +her: and the idea that any prospective shred of impurity hung about one +who had even looked on his beloved, was utter anguish to the keen +sentimentalist. "Be very careful," he would have repeated, but that he +had a warning sense of the ludicrous, and Emilia's large eyes when they +fixed calmly on a face were not of a flighty east She stood, too, with +the "dignity of sadness," as he was pleased to phrase it. + +"She must be safe here," he said to himself. And yet, upon reflection, +he decided not to leave her, peremptorily informing her to that effect. +Emilia took his arm, and as they were passing through the hall of +entrance they met the same gentleman who had directed them to the spot of +quiet. Both she and Sir Purcell heard him say to a companion: "There she +is." A deep glow covered Emilia's face. "Do they know you?" asked Sir +Purcell. "No," she said: and then he turned, but the couple had gone on. + +"That deserves chastisement," he muttered. Briefly telling her to wait, +he pursued them. Emilia was standing in the gateway, not at all +comprehending why she was alone. "Sandra Belloni!" struck her ear. +Looking forward she perceived a hand and a head gesticulating from a cab- +window. She sprang out into the street, and instantly the hand clenched +and the head glared savagely. It was Mr. Pericles himself, in travelling +costume. + +"I am your fool?" he began, overbearing Emilia's most irritating "How are +you?" and "Are you quite well? + +"I am your fool? hein? You send me to Paris! to Geneve! I go over Lago +Maggiore, and aha! it is your joke, meess! I juste return. Oh capital! +At Milano I wait--I enquire--till a letter from old Belloni, and I learn +I am your fool--of you all! Jomp in." + +"A gentleman is coming," said Emilia, by no means intimidated, though the +forehead of Mr. Pericles looked portentous. "He was bringing me to you." + +"Zen, jomp in!" cried Mr. Pericles. + +Here Sir Purcell came up. + +Emilia said softly: "Mr. Pericles." + +There was the form of a bow of moderate recognition between them, but +other hats were off to Emilia. The two gentlemen who had offended Sir +Purcell had insisted, on learning the nature of their offence, that they +had a right to present their regrets to the lady in person, and beg an +excuse from her lips. Sir Purcell stood white with a futile effort at +self-control, as one of them, preluding "Pardon me," said: "I had the +misfortune to remark to my friend, as I passed you, 'There she is.' May +I, indeed, ask your pardon? My friend is an artist. I met him after I +had first seen you. He, at least, does not think foolish my +recommendation to him that he should look on you at all hazards. Let me +petition you to overlook the impertinence." + +"I think, gentlemen, you have now made the most of the advantage my +folly, in supposing you would regret or apologize fittingly for an +impropriety, has given you," interposed Sir Purcell. + +His new and superior tone (for he had previously lost his temper and +spoken with a silly vehemence) caused them to hesitate. One begged the +word of pardon from Emilia to cover his retreat. She gave it with an air +of thorough-bred repose, saying, "I willingly pardon you," and looking at +them no more, whereupon they vanished. Ten minutes later, Emilia and Sir +Purcell were in the chambers of Mr. Pericles. + +The Greek had done nothing but grin obnoxiously to every word spoken on +the way, drawing his hand down across his jaw, to efface the hard pale +wrinkles, and eyeing Emilia's cavalier with his shrewdest suspicious +look. + +"You will excuse,"--he pointed to the confusion of the room they were in, +and the heap of unopened letters,--"I am from ze Continent; I do not +expect ze pleasure. A seat?" + +Mr. Pericles handed chairs to his visitors. + +"It is a climate, is it not," he resumed. + +Emilia said a word, and he snapped at her, immediately adding, "Hein? +Ah! so!" with a charming urbanity. + +"How lucky that we should meet you," exclaimed Emilia. "We were just +coming to you--to find out, I mean, where you were, and call on you." + +"Ough! do not tell me lies," said Mr. Pericles, clasping the hollow of +his cheeks between thumb and forefinger. + +"Allow me to assure you that what Miss Belloni has said is perfectly +correct," Sir Purcell remarked. + +Mr. Pericles gave a short bow. "It is ze same; I am much obliged." + +"And you have just come from Italy?" said Emilia. + +"Where you did me ze favour to send me, it is true. Sanks!" + +"Oh, what a difference between Italy and this!" Emilia turned her face +to the mottled yellow windows. + +"Many sanks," repeated Mr. Pericles, after which the three continued +silent for a time. + +At last Emilia said, bluntly, "I have come to ask you to take me to +Italy." + +Mr. Pericles made no sign, but Sir Purcell leaned forward to her with a +gaze of astonishment, almost of horror. + +"Will you take me?" persisted Emilia. + +Still the sullen Greek refused either to look at her or to answer. + +"Because I am ready to go," she went on. "I want to go at once; to-day, +if you like. I am getting too old to waste an hour." + +Mr. Pericles uncrossed his legs, ejaculating, "What a fog! Ah!" and that +was all. He rose, and went to a cupboard. + +Sir Purcell murmured hurriedly in Emilia's ear, "Have you considered what +you've been saying?" + +"Yes, yes. It is only a journey," Emilia replied, in a like tone. + +"A journey!" + +"My father wishes it." + +"Your mother?" + +"Hush! I intend to make him take the Madre with me." + +She designated Mr. Pericles, who had poured into a small liqueur glass +some green Chartreuse, smelling strong of pines. His visitors declined +to eject the London fog by this aid of the mountain monks, and Mr. +Pericles warmed himself alone. + +"You are wiz old Belloni," he called out. + +"I am not staying with my father," said Emilia. + +"Where?" Mr. Pericles shed a baleful glance on Sir Purcell. + +"I am staying with Signor Marini." + +"Servente!" Mr. Pericles ducked his head quite low, while his hand swept +the floor with an imaginary cap. Malice had lighted up his features, and +finding, after the first burst of sarcasm, that it was vain to indulge it +toward an absent person, he altered his style. "Look," he cried to +Emilia, "it is Marini stops you and old Belloni--a conspirator, aha! Is +it for an artist to conspire, and be carbonaro, and kiss books, and, mon +Dieu! bon! it is Marini plays me zis trick. I mark him. I mark him, I +say! He is paid by young Pole. I hold zat family in my hand, I say! So +I go to be met by you, and on I go to Italy. I get a letter at Milano,-- +"Marini stop me at Dover," signed "Giuseppe Belloni." Ze letter have +been spied into by ze Austrians. I am watched--I am dogged--I am +imprisoned--I am examined. 'You know zis Giuseppe Belloni? 'Meine +Herrn! he was to come. I leave word at Paris for him, at Geneve, at +Stresa, to bring his daughter to ze Conservatoire, for which I pay. She +has a voice--or she had.'" + +"Has!" exclaimed Emilia. + +"Had!" Mr. Pericles repeated. + +"She has!" + +"Zen sing!" with which thunder of command, Mr. Pericles gave up his +vindictive narration of the points of his injuries sustained, and, +pitching into a chair, pressed his fingers to his temples, frowning +attention. His eyes were on the floor. Presently he glanced up, and saw +Emilia's chest rising quickly. No voice issued. + +"It is to commence," cried Mr. Pericles. "Hein! now sing." + +Emilia laid her hand under her throat. "Not now! Oh, not now! When you +have told me what those Austrians did to you. I want to hear; I am very +anxious to hear. And what they said of my father. How could he have +come to Milan without a passport? He had only a passport to Paris." + +"And at Paris I leave instructions for ze procuration of a passport over +Lombardy. Am I not Antonio Pericles Agriolopoulos? Sing, I say!" + +"Ah, but what voices you must have heard in Italy," said Emilia softly. +"I am afraid to sing after them. Si: I dare not." + +She panted, little in keeping with the cajolery of her tones, but she had +got Mr. Pericles upon a theme serious to his mind. + +"Not a voice! not one!" he cried, stamping his foot. "All is French. I +go twice wizin six monz, and if I go to a goose-yard I hear better. Oh, +yes! it is tune--"ta-ta-ta--ti-ti-ti--to!" and of ze heart--where is zat? +Mon Dieu! I despair. I see music go dead. Let me hear you, Sandra." + +His enthusiasm had always affected Emilia, and painfully since her love +had given her a consciousness of infidelity to her Art, but now the +pathetic appeal to her took away her strength, and tears rose in her eyes +at the thought of his faith in her. His repetition of her name--the +'Sandra' being uttered with unwonted softness--plunged her into a fit of +weeping. + +"Ah!" Mr. Pericles shouted. "See what she has come to!" and he walked +two or three paces off to turn upon her spitefully. "she will be +vapeurs, nerfs, I know not! when it wants a physique of a saint! Sandra +Belloni," he added, gravely, "lift up ze head! Sing, 'Sempre al tuo +santo nome.'" + +Emilia checked her tears. His hand being raised to beat time, she could +not withstand the signal. "Sempre;"--there came two struggling notes, to +which another clung, shuddering like two creatures on the deeps. + +She stopped; herself oddly calling out "Stop." + +"Stop who, donc?" Mr. Pericles postured an indignant interrogation. + +"I mean, I must stop," Emilia faltered. "It's the fog. I cannot sing in +this fog. It chokes me." + +Apparently Mr. Pericles was about to say something frightfully savage, +which was restrained by the presence of Sir Purcell. He went to the door +in answer to a knock, while Emilia drew breath as calmly as she might; +her head moving a little backward with her breathing, in a sad mechanical +way painful to witness. Sir Purcell stretched his hand out to her, but +she did not take it. She was listening to voices at the door. Was it +really Mr. Pole who was there? Quite unaware of the effect the sight of +her would produce on him, Emilia rose and walked to the doorway. She +heard Mr. Pole abusing Mr. Pericles half banteringly for his absence +while business was urgent, saying that they must lay their heads together +and consult, otherwise--a significant indication appeared to close the +sentence. + +"But if you've just come off your journey, and have got a lady in there, +we must postpone, I suppose. Say, this afternoon. I'll keep up to the +mark, if nothing happens...." + +Emilia pushed the door from the hand of Mr. Pericles, and was advancing +toward the old man on the landing; but no sooner did the latter verify to +his startled understanding that he had seen her, than with an exclamation +of "All right! good-bye!" he began a rapid descent, of the stairs. A +distance below, he bade Mr. Pericles take care of her, and as an excuse +for his abrupt retreat, the word "busy" sounded up. + +"Does my face frighten him?" Emilia thought. It made her look on herself +with a foreign eye. This is a dreadful but instructive piece of +contemplation; acting as if the rich warm blood of self should have +ceased to hug about us, and we stand forth to be dissected unresistingly. +All Emilia's vital strength now seemed to vanish. At the renewal of Mr. +Pericles' peremptory mandate for her to sing, she could neither appeal to +him, nor resist; but, raising her chest, she made her best effort, and +then covered her face. This was done less for concealment of her shame- +stricken features than to avoid sight of the stupefaction imprinted upon +Mr. Pericles. + +"Again, zat A flat!" he called sternly. + +She tried it. + +"Again!" + +Again she did her utmost to accomplish the task. If you have seen a girl +in a fit of sobs elevate her head, with hard-shut eyelids, while her +nostrils convulsively take in a long breath, as if for speech, but it is +expended in one quick vacant sigh, you know how Emilia looked. And it +requires a humane nature to pardon such an aspect in a person from whom +we have expected triumphing glances and strong thrilling tones. + +"What is zis?" Mr. Pericles came nearer to her. + +He would listen to no charges against the atmosphere. Commanding her to +give one simple run of notes, a contralto octave, he stood over her with +keenly watchful eyes. Sir Purcell bade him observe her distress. + +"I am much obliged," Mr. Pericles bowed. "she is ruined. I have +suspected. Ha! But I ask for a note! One!" + +This imperious signal drew her to another attempt. The deplorable sound +that came sent Emilia sinking down with a groan. + +"Basta, basta! So, it is zis tale," said Mr. Pericles, after +an observation of her huddled shape. "Did I not say--" + +His voice was so menacingly loud and harsh that Sir Purcell remarked: +"This is not the time to repeat it--pardon me--whatever you said." + +"Ze fool--she play ze fool! Sir, I forget ze Christian--ah! Purcell!--I +say she play ze fool, and look at her! Why is it she comes to me now? A +dozen times I warn her. To Italy! to Italy! all is ready: you will have +a place at ze Conservatorio. No: she refuse. I say 'Go, and you are a +queen. You are a Prima at twenty, and Europe is beneas you.' No: she +refuse, and she is ruined. 'What,' I say, 'what zat dam silly smile +mean?' Oh, no! I am not lazy!' 'But you area fool!' 'Oh, no!' 'And +what are you, zen? And what shall you do?' Nussing! nussing! nussing! +And, dam! zere is an end." + +Emilia had caught blindly at Sir Purcell's hand, by which she raised +herself, and then uncovering her face, looked furtively at the malign +furnace-white face of Mr. Pericles. + +"It cannot have gone,"--she spoke, as if mentally balancing the +possibility. + +"It has gone, I say; and you know why, Mademoiselle ze Fool!" Mr. +Pericles retorted. + +"No, no; it can't be gone. Gone? voices never go!" + +The reiteration of the "You know why," from Mr. Pericles, and all the +wretchedness of loss it suggested, robbed her of the little spark of +nervous fire by which she felt half-reviving in courage and confidence. + +"Let me try once more," she appealed to him, in a frenzy. + +Mr. Pericles, though fully believing in his heart that it might only be a +temporary deprivation of voice, affected to scout the notion of another +trial, but finally extended his forefinger: "Well, now; start! 'Sempre +al tuo Santo!' Commence: Sem--" and Mr. Pericles hummed the opening bar, +not as an unhopeful man would do. The next moment he was laughing +horribly. Emilia, to make sure of the thing she dreaded, forced the +note, and would not be denied. What voice there was in her came to the +summons. It issued, if I may so express it, ragged, as if it had torn +through a briar-hedge: then there was a whimper of tones, and the effect +was like the lamentation of a hardly-used urchin, lacking a certain music +that there is in his undoubted heartfelt earnestness. No single note +poised firmly for the instant, but swayed, trembling on its neighbour to +right and to left when pressed for articulate sound, it went into a +ghastly whisper. The laughter of Mr. Pericles was pleasing discord in +comparison. + + + + +ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS: + +Am I ill? I must be hungry! +Depreciating it after the fashion of chartered hypocrites. +Fine Shades were still too dominant at Brookfield +He thinks that the country must be saved by its women as well +I know that your father has been hearing tales told of me +My voice! I have my voice! Emilia had cried it out to herself +She had great awe of the word 'business' + + + +End of this Project Gutenberg Etext of Sandra Belloni, v5 +by George Meredith + diff --git a/4417.zip b/4417.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..14a6b8b --- /dev/null +++ b/4417.zip diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. 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