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diff --git a/43981-8.txt b/43981-8.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 1b1d3c1..0000000 --- a/43981-8.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,2776 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 108, -June 29, 1895, by Various - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 108, June 29, 1895 - -Author: Various - -Release Date: October 19, 2013 [EBook #43981] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI, VOL. 108, JUNE 29, 1895 *** - - - - -Produced by Malcolm Farmer, Lesley Halamek and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - -PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. - -VOL. 108. JUNE 29, 1895. - -_edited by Sir Francis Burnand_ - - - - -OPERATIC NOTES. - -_Monday._--Tannhäuserites disappointed. Signor VIGNAS indisposed. -_Tannhäuser's_ understudy _Faust_ put up. House good. Performance -better. PLANÇON,--once _Jupiter_ now _Mephistopheles_, the extremes -meeting in one singer,--excellent. MELBA quite the German Fräulein. -BEVIGNANI, C. B., _i.e._, "Conducting Beautifully," in the chair. - -_Tuesday._--Many other attractions, yet heart is true to Opera. M. -VICTOR MAUREL, as _Iago_, adds another leaf to his victor's wreath of -Laurel. MAGGIE MACINTYRE makes distinct advance, and sings, "O Willow, -we have missed you" most melodiously. TAM AGNO as _Misther O'Tello_, -the Irish darky singer, uncommonly powerful. RICHARD GREEN, _Montano_, -greener than ever: quite fresh. PERCY MORDY a good _Roderigo Randomo_. -The highly Pole-ish'd OLITZKA a fair representative of _Emilia_. And -this cast, with Merry MANCINELLI manipulating musicians, makes the -Opera a delight to the _fine fleur_ of the Covent Gardenian Hot House. - -[Illustration: Pagliacci.] - -_Wednesday._--House crammed to see and hear ADELINA PATTI as _Rosina_ -in the ever delightful _Barbiere di Siviglia_. ROSSINI for ever! -"Whar's your WULLIE WAGNER noo?" PATTI'S acting worth a third of the -money; her singing makes up t'other two-thirds. "Bonus" to audience in -"_Home, Sweet Home_." Wrapt attention! Here we are all of us out for -the night, so to speak, in silks and satins and jewels rare, and with -feathers and diamonds and all our war paint on, off afterwards -to routs, balls and supper-parties, and yet all hushed, -conscience-stricken as it were, in the midst of our gaiety, by sweet -voice warbling so distinctly "Home! Home! Home! Sweet Home! Wherever -(including the Opera Covent Garden) we wander (and we can't wander -when our attention is riveted on _la Diva_) there is no-oh-o-o place -like Ho-ome!" And then, second verse finished, a storm of rapturous -applause bursts over the singer! Yes! those are our sentiments. "Home! -Home!" by all means. Only--excuse us--we "_won't_ go Home Sweet Home -till morning, till daylight doth appear." But why, ADELINA -_mia_, didst thou sing at the end of the Opera that remarkably -anti-climaxious waltz of TI-TO-TUM MATTEI'S? TI-TO-TUM all very well -in his way, but not a ROSSINI. And then you sang it from a paper -in your hand as though doing penance in a music sheet? A mistake, -ADELINA, don't do it again, spin your TI-TO-TUM at a concert, but -not in ROSSINI'S _Barbiere_. BERTHA BAUERMEISTER obtained a rapturous -encore, but shook her finger at the audience as who would say "too -late! too late!" So BEVIGNANI bowed, and on we went again merrily. -PINI-CORSI good as pantaloon _Bartolo_. ANCONA a capital _Figaro_, -looking like one of _Cruikshank's_ comic characters. 'ABRY MUNDY, -fine _Basilio_ done in Italian oils; M. BONNARD, light and airy -French count, more of larker than lover. All Home-Sweet-Home-ing (or -elsewhere) about midnight, many being detained by the singers at the -Opera from getting to the SPEAKER'S "at Home," Sweet Home. - -_Thursday._--_Pagliacci_, with Miss PAULINE JORAN appearing as -_Nedda_, and playing it in first-rate style. "Gee up! _Nedda!_" -_Query._ PINI-CORSI good as _Tonio_? _Answer._ 'CORSI was. T'others -not much, but Opera still charming. Yet this evening's programme -too trying for emotional persons. _Pagliacci_, tragedy; _Cavalleria -Rusticana_ tragedy also; tragedy from beginning to end; even the -celebrated _mezzo_ very like a wail! Not kind of DRURIOLANUS to -afflict us thus. Madame BELLINCIONI, "the original _Santuzza_," -admirable. Honours easy between Madame CALVÉ and BELLINCIONI. The -latter played it first abroad; but the former had the start of her -_here_. In some of the action peculiarly characteristic of the type, -BELLINCIONI wins, not by a neck, but by two hands. CALVÉ more striking -(hands down) in her jealous agony. Signor VALENTINE FIGARO ANCONA -excellent as _Alfio_; the situation when VIGNAS, going strong as -_Turiddu_, catches _Alfio's_ ear, in order, as he says in Sicilian, -"Tu-rid-u of his presence" by subsequently killing him, more dramatic -than ever. GIULIA RAVOGLI admirable as quite the gay _Lola_ of the -Sicilian Seven Dials. After _intermezzo_ Bowing BEVIGNANI declines -_encore_. - -_Friday._--Child _Harold_ allowed to sit up late for another night. -Composer COWEN ought to sing, "I love my ALBANI with an A, because -she's Admirable." _Harold_ improveth on representation. _William -Malet_ played by RICHARD GREEN. Nice of the librettist, Sir EDWARD -MALET, to keep the memory of his ancestor Green. It must make singers -rather nervous to have the composer _vis-à-vis_ conducting his own -work; as WAGSTAFF observes, "in this instance it must have the effect -of Cowin' them." 'Nother week gone. - - * * * * * - -A SIESTA. - -How sleepy I feel! It is this beastly influenza cold and headache. The -best thing to do for a headache is to have a little doze and sleep -it off. Not a very easy thing to do in a big Paris hotel in the -afternoon. However, it is quiet enough in my room, looking on to the -courtyard, away from the noises of the Boulevard. - -Just dropping off. Crash! Only someone shutting a door. That is not an -unusual sound. In these big hotels no one closes a door, no one glides -along a passage, no one speaks in a soft voice, but everyone bangs, -and stamps, and shouts. If it is a woman, she screams. Another crash! -The man in the next room just come in. That's the Frenchman with the -awful cough. No one but a Frenchman could have a cough like that. Lie -and listen to his cough for some time. Various other doors banged. But -at last sink into unconsciousness. Good Heavens! What's happened now? -Oh, it's the American trunks being dragged out of the room on the -other side. Well, at any rate I shall not hear the American voices now -through that miserable door of communication, which, locked and bolted -ever so carefully, does not keep out sounds. But there is someone -talking there now. Of course the new comers. It must be two people. -No, twenty people. By Jove, they are Germans! And there's the -Frenchman's cough again. I shall never get to sleep. Yet somehow -the sounds get confused, I fancy the Germans are coughing and the -Frenchman is saying "_Ja, ja, ja,_" and then---- - -There, now I am awake again. Why, there's someone knocking at the -door. "_Pardon, monsieur, avez-vous reçu votre linge?_" "_Mais, oui, -je l'ai reçu hier._" "_Pardon, monsieur, il y a des faux-cols._" -"_Non, je les ai reçus tous._" "_Mais, monsieur----_" "_Mais qu'est-ce -que vous me chantez là? Laissez-moi tranquille._" "_Mais, monsieur, -le monsieur en face m'a dit que monsieur a reçu des faux-cols que -monsieur----_" Confound the collars! Get up, let in the _garçon_, -examine my collars and the collars of the _monsieur en face_, who is -just packing up, rectify the mistake of the washerwoman, and am again -alone. Now is it worth going to sleep or not? Will try once more. - -What's that? "MARIE!" It's someone shouting outside my door. How fond -they are of shouting outside my door! "MARIE! _De l'eau chaude._" I -hope she won't think it's for me, or she'll wake me up if at last -I get a chance of dropping off. Then silence. Positively, absolute -silence. The coughing Frenchman must have been suffocated; the -Germans--no, nothing could stop the Germans from talking, only they -have gone out of hearing. And the _femme de chambre_ has hurried off -to fetch that hot water for somebody, and the _garçon_ is not banging -his broom about in this _couloir_, and there is no baggage coming or -going, and no door crashing; and, in the midst of profound peace, I -think drowsily of quiet country afternoons, when one hears only the -humming of the bees, and the whispering of the aspens, and then, and -then----Hullo! What's up now? There's someone else knocking. My last -chance gone. My head is aching more than ever. "_Eh bien?_" "_C'est -l'eau chaude que vous avez commandée, Monsieur._" - - * * * * * - -THE ADVERTISEMENT FIEND. - -(_Written in the Train by an Irate Traveller._) - - ["The English landscape is being transformed into a - dumping-ground for catchpenny eyesores."--_See the "Nineteenth - Century" for June._] - -[Illustration] - - For Soap and Pill each English slope and hill - Is now a background, and the cry is, "Still - They come;" these public nuisances, that mar - The fair earth's face, like some unsightly scar. - Who possibly can care, I ask, to learn - That Juno Soap Saves Washing, or to turn - A gaze disgusted on some blatant board, - By which the devious tourist is implored - To try the Lightning Pill that never fails - To spot the Spot, or cure whatever ails? - JOHN BULL, his missus and the kids, I hope, - Do not entirely live on pills and soap. - And yet you'd surely think so, when you've scanned - The nostrum-signs that so adorn our land! - Oh! heavily I'd tax 'em, if I might! - And keep the landscape clear. Am I not right? - - [_Terminus. Exit, fuming._ - - * * * * * - -SOCIETY'S NEXT CRAZE. - -(_As foreseen by Mr. Punch's Second-sighted Clairvoyant._) - - _It is the summer of 1896--or possibly '97. The scene is a - road skirting Victoria Park, Bethnal Green, which Society's - leaders have recently discovered and appointed as the_ - rendez-vous _for the Season, and where it is now the correct - thing for all really smart people to indulge, between certain - prescribed hours, in sports and pastimes that have hitherto - been more characteristic of the masses than the classes. The - only permissible mount now is the donkey, which must be ridden - close to the tail, and referred to as a "moke." A crowd of - well-turned-out spectators arrives from the West End every - morning about eleven to watch the brilliant parade of - "Mokestrians" (as the Society journalist will already have - decided to call them). Some drive slowly up and down on - coster-barrows, attended by cockaded and disgusted grooms. - About twelve, they break up into light luncheon parties; after - which they play democratic games for half an hour or so, and - drive home on drags._ - -[Illustration] - -_Mr. Woodby-Innett_ (_to the_ Donkey Proprietor). Kept a moke for me? -I told you I should be wantin' one every mornin' now. - -_The Donkey Proprietor_ (_after consulting engagement-book_). I've -not got it down on my list, Sir. Very sorry, but the Countess of -CUMBERBACK has just booked the last for the 'ole of this week. Might -let you 'ave one by-and-by, if Sir HASCOT GOODWOOD brings his in -punctual, but I can't promise it. - -_Mr. Woodby-Inn._ That's no good; no point in ridin' after the right -time. (_To himself, as he turns away._) Nuisance! Not that I'm so keen -about a moke. Not a patch on a bike!--though it don't do to say so. -Only if I'd known this, I'd have turned up in a tall hat and frock -coat; and then I could have taken a turn on the steam-circus. Wonder -if it would be any sort of form shyin' at cocoa-nuts in tweeds and a -straw hat. Must ask some chap who knows. More puzzlin' what to put on -this year than ever! - -_Lady Ranela Hurlingham_ (_breathlessly to_ Donkey Proprietor). That's -mine, isn't it? Will you please put me up, and _promise_ me you'll -keep close behind and make him run. (_Suppliantly._) You will, _won't_ -you? - -_The Donkey Proprietor_ (_with a due sense of his own value_). Well, -I dessay I can come along presently, Lady 'URLINGHAM, and fetch 'im -a whack or two; jest now I can't, having engaged to come and 'old the -Marshiness of 'AMMERCLOTH'S on _'er_ moke; but there, you orter be -able to git along well enough by yourself now--_you_ ought! - -_Captain Sonbyrne_ (_just home on leave from India--to_ Mrs. -CHESHAM-LOWNDES). Rather an odd sort of idea this--I mean, coming all -the way out here to ride a lot of donkeys, eh? - -_Mrs. Chesham-Lowndes._ It used to be rather amusing a month ago, -before they all got used to riding so near the tail; but now they're -all so good at it, don't you know. - -_Capt. Sonb._ I went down to Battersea Park yesterday to see the -bicyclists. Not a soul there, give you my word! - -_Mrs. C.-L._ No; there _wouldn't_ be _this_ season. You see, all sorts -and conditions of people began to take it up, and it got too fearfully -common. And now moke-riding has quite cut it out. - -_Capt. Sonb._ But why ride donkeys when you can get gees? - -_Mrs. C.-L._ Oh, well, they're democratic, and cheap, and all that, -don't you know. And one really can't be _seen_ on a horse this -year--in town, at least. In the country it don't matter so much. - -_First Mokestrian_ (_to second ditto_). Hullo, old chap, so _you_'ve -taken to a moke at last, eh? How are you gettin' on? - -_Second Mokestrian._ Pretty well. I can sit on his tail all right now, -but I can't get into the way of keepin' my heels off the ground yet, -it's so beastly difficult. - -_Fragments from Spectators._ That's rather a smart barrow, Lady -BARINRAYNE'S drivin' to-day.... Who's the fellow with her, with the -paper feather in his pot-hat? Bad style, _I_ call it.... That's Lord -FREDDY FUGLEMAN--best dressed man in London. You'll see everybody -turnin' up in a paper feather in a day or two.... Lot of men seem to -be using a short clay as a cigarette-holder now, don't they?... Yes, -RODDIE RIPPINGILL introduced the idea last week, and it seems to have -caught on. [_&c., &c._] - -AFTER LUNCHEON; AT THE STEAM-CIRCUS, AND OTHER SPORTS. - -_Scraps of Small-talk._ No end sorry, Lady GWENDOLIN; been tryin' to -get you a scent-squirt everywhere; but they're all gone; such a run on -'em for Ascot, don't you know.... Thanks; it doesn't matter; only dear -Lady BUCKRAM has just thrown some red ochre down the back of my neck, -and ALGY VERE came and shot out a coloured paper thing right in my -face, and I shouldn't like to seem uncivil.... Suppose I shall see -you at Lady BRABAZON'S "Kiss in the Ring" at Bethnal Green to-morrow -afternoon?... I believe she _did_ send us cards, but we promised to -look in at a friendly lead the Duchess of DILLWATER is giving at such -a dear little public she's discovered in Whitechapel, so we may be -rather late.... You'll keep a handkerchief-throw for me if you _do_ -come on, won't you?... It will have to be an _extra_, then, I'm -afraid.... Are you goin' to Lord BALMISYDE'S eight o'clock breakfast -to-morrow? _So_ glad; I hear he's engaged five coffee-stalls, and -we're all to stand up and eat saveloys and trotters and thick -bread and butter.... Oh, I wanted to ask you, my girls have got an -invitation to a hoky-poky party the VAVASOURS are giving after the -moke-ridin' next Thursday, and I'm told it's quite wrong to eat -hoky-poky with a spoon--do you know how that is?... The only _correct_ -way, CAROLINE, is to lick it out of the glass, which requires practice -before it can be _attempted_ in public. But I hear there's quite a -pleasant boy-professor somewhere in the Mile End Road who teaches it -in a single lesson; he's _very_ moderate; his terms are only half a -guinea, which includes the hoky-poky. I'll send you his address if I -can find it.... Thanks _so_ much; the dear girls _will_ be so grateful -to you.... I _do_ think it's _quite_ too bad of Lady GERALDINE -GRABBER, she goes and sticks her card on the only decent wooden horse -in the steam-circus and says she's engaged it for the whole time, -though she hardly ever takes a round! And so many girls standing -out who can ride without getting in the _least_ giddy!... Rathah a -boundah, that fellow, if you ask me; I've _seen_ him pullin' a swing -boat in brown boots and ridin'-breeches!... How wonderfully well your -daughter throws the rings, dear Lady CORNELIA, I hear she's won three -walking-sticks and five clasp knives.... You're very kind. She is -quite clever at it; but then she's had some private coaching from a -gipsy, don't you know.... What are you going to do with yourself this -afternoon?... Oh, I'm going to the People's Palace to see the finals -played off for the Skittles Championship; bound to be a closish thing; -rather excitin', don't you know.... Ah, Duchess, you've been in form -to-day, I see, five cocoa-nuts! Can I relieve you of some of them?... -Thanks, they _are_ rather tiresome to carry; if you _could_ find my -carriage and tell the footman to keep his eye on them. [_&c. &c._]. - -_Lady Rosehugh_ (_to_ Mr. LUKE WALMER, _on the way home_). You know I -_do_ think it's _such_ a cheering sign of the times, Society getting -simpler in its tastes, and sharing the pleasures of the Dear People, -and all that; it must tend to bring all classes more _together_, don't -you know! - -_Mr. Luke Walmer._ Perhaps. Only I was thinking, I don't remember -seeing any of the Dear People _about_. - -_Lady Rosehugh._ No; somebody was telling me they had taken to playing -Polo on bicycles in Hyde Park. So extraordinary of them--a place -nobody ever goes _near_ now, you know! - - * * * * * - -THE LAST TOURNAMENT - -(OF TENNIS--IN THE NORTH). - -_By a Manchester Enthusiast of Tennis-onian Tastes and Hibernian -Sympathies._ - - ["For once in a way the Northern Tournament, which has long - boasted of being second only to Wimbledon, has not proved - an unqualified success.... The withdrawal of Messrs. PIM and - STOKER must for some time be severely felt by tournaments of - first-class importance."--_Bradford Observer._] - -AIR--"_The Battle of the Baltic._" - - Of Tennis in the North, - Sing the--more or less--renown! - But--some champions of worth - From the netted lists are flown; - The Great Brethren from the verdant courts are gone! - Once they mustered a brave band, - LAWFORD long, and LEWIS grand, - Whilst the RENSHAWS, hand o'er hand, - Smashed--and won! - - Now the other--BADDELEY--twins - Have it nearly their own way; - And they score repeated wins, - Though the ALLENS, too, can play, - And can send a swift one down the centre line. - When those twins are on the job - It is little use to lob. - Then there's BARLOW,--bet your bob - _He_ is fine! - - But the might of England flush'd - In those courts of emerald sheen. - WILFRID flew, and H. B. rush'd.-- - Oh! the wearing of the Green!-- - Where is Irish PIM, where STOKER, that great gun? - Though they smashed and volley'd madly, - The Hibernians murmured sadly, - "Faix! Auld Erin's beaten--BADDELEY - At this fun!" - - Then there's sweet Miss DOD again! - Oh, how sad it seems, and odd. - To survey the chalk-marged plain - In the absence of Miss DOD, - Who they say is wholly given up to GOLF!!! - Shall the links then lick the Court? - Tennis champions run short? - And the slaves of the Scotch sport - Jeer and scoff? - - True MAHONEY and Miss MARTIN - Did their best our sport to save; - And Miss COOPER took stout part - In mixed doubles--which was brave: - But where was Mrs. HILLYARD, "whom we knew?" - (As Ulysses said of him - In the Shades.) Oh, STOKER, PIM! - E'en bright Manchester looked dim - Missing you! - - Still, joy, Old England, raise! - For the tidings of your might! - Yet we hope that Golfing craze - Will not come, like a big blight, - And seduce our DODS and RENSHAWS any more. - For to mar the sweet content - Of our Northern Tournament, - By much time on links misspent - Were a Bore!!! - - * * * * * - -"THE SEELEY LECTURERS."--We have a wholesome dread of lecturers -generally. Perhaps the more learned the lecturer, the greater the -boredom to the listeners, specially if the latter be frivolously -inclined. But in any case, if lectures must be, then we would rather -hear a _Wise_ lecturer than a _Seeley_ one. On second thoughts, the -only entertaining Seeley Lecturer that we know is the one at the Zoo, -who discourses on, while exhibiting, the seal. - - * * * * * - -[Illustration: AT A FRENCH HOTEL. - -"TELL HIM TO CLEAN YOUR BOOTS, JOHN--AND MINE TOO." - -"ALL RIGHT. ER--GARÇONG, NETTOYEZ MAY BOT, SI VOO PLAY--ET AUSSEE MAH -FAM!"] - - * * * * * - -SCRAPS FROM CHAPS. - -Mr. H. T. WADDY, the Liberal Candidate, has been telling the voters -of the Truro-Helston division of Cornwall stories about those wicked -publicans. At one of the bye elections they got out posters, which -read, "If you vote for the Liquor Traffic Bill, this house will -be closed," and displayed them in their premises. But the Radical -humorist was on the warpath, and, having provided himself with copies -of the poster, attached them to the respective doors of the prison, -the lunatic asylum, and the workhouse. This was quite excellent. But -Mr. WADDY might have carried the joke a little further, say as far as -London. There, at all events, the Bill may possibly lead to the early -closing of one public house, where business has for some time been in -a very bad way. This would of course be a source of great satisfaction -to Mr. WADDY--and his leaders. - - * * * * * - -In connection with the course of lectures given at Truro by Mrs. -THWAITES, principal of the Liverpool School of Cookery, a large -Company recently dined in the Concert Hall, at the invitation of the -directors of the Truro Gas Company, when the advantages of cooking by -gas were put to practical test. Truly there be epicures at Truro who -know what's what. Cooking by G. A. S. must have been a great success, -and Truro will look forward to a repetition of this cook's excursion. -In any case, it will have added to the list of the good things it has -seen and people it has known. - - * * * * * - -BUBBLES from the BALTIC. - -BLOWN FROM THE PIPE OF TOBY. M.P. - -[Illustration] - -_Off the Elbe, Wednesday Afternoon._--Got up steam, weighed anchor -and laid our course East by North half South for Hamburg. Don CURRIE, -whose knowledge of ocean life is extensive and peculiar, tells me no -well regulated ship puts to sea without first ascertaining the weight -of her anchor. Much interested at this peep into nautical life. -But what has the weight of the anchor to do with the voyage of the -_Tantallon Castle_, or even with the opening of the Baltic Canal? -Well, the Don is not sure. Anyhow, it is an old custom. Sailors are -superstitious, and if this preliminary to a voyage were omitted, they -would turn rusty, and might even want to throw someone overboard. -So, to prevent possible unpleasantness, the anchor is weighed--"To an -ounce," Don CURRIE says severely. - -Suppose before we turn in we shall be told how much it weighs. Wish I -knew what is the average weight of a really good anchor. So awkward if -a man comes upon you suddenly, and says "The anchor weighs just over -a ton"; or "What do you think? the anchor turns the scale at fifty-two -lbs. ten dwt." Is one too much, and is the other surprisingly little? -Haven't the slightest idea. Shall, in either case, say "Ha!" That is, -at any rate, noncommittal. - -Mr. G. will know what an anchor ought to weigh in given circumstances. -He knows everything. Shall try and find opportunity of asking him. - -_Hamburg, Friday_, 5 A.M.--"I am very fond of the German tongue," -said the Member for SARK, paying me an early morning pyjama-call. "The -language in which GOETHE wrote and HEINE sang is sacred. Still, when -it is emitted from the throats of half a score of steam-whistles, one -feels there are limits to passionate desire. Have often heard siren -song of steam-whistle in and about the Thames. That's bad enough for -the sensitive ear. But when it comes to steam-whistling in German, you -begin to understand why people sometimes commit suicide." - -For my part, I like it. Few things more charming than to be wakened at -daybreak by a steam-whistle spluttering in your larboard ear. Before -you have quite drank in the fulness of the music, another shrieks in -your starboard ear. Then, far and near, all round the harbour, -they pop off in different keys. Some angry; some whining; some -in anguishing pain; some mocking; some wailing; one ingenious -contrivance, moved by a master-hand, managing to imitate a burst -of maniacal laughter, in which, if you didn't bury your head in the -pillow, you feel you must join. - -Then there's the effect on the man on deck. Don't know who he is; -fancy he must be the Supercargo. At first shriek of the earliest -whistle, he puts on the heaviest boots (those with the clump of steel -at the toes, the wedges of iron at the heel, and fat-headed nails all -over the sole). He gives preliminary stamp precisely over your head; -all right; steam-whistle shrieks; others respond; Supercargo is off; -stamps to and fro just the length of the deck immediately over your -berth; leaps up height of two feet; drops exactly over your head; -steam-whistles go faster; Supercargo clatters off; fetches from -somewhere a plank, a rough-hewn plank studded with nails; this he -dashes on the deck over your head; got the range to a nicety; never -misses; steam-whistles go off simultaneously; maddening effect on -Supercargo; he rages to and fro, charges over your berth, banging the -plank with mad delight. You get out of your berth, dash to side; just -going to plunge over; when Quartermaster seizes you and leads you back -to cabin, locking you in. - -And SARK says he doesn't care for early morning effects in Hamburg -harbour! - -_Saturday Morning._--Steaming down Elbe, meaning to anchor at its -mouth. (Not at its elbow, as SARK told the pilot. Pilot didn't -see joke. Stared at him, and said, "_Hein?_" which made SARK look -foolish.) Last night citizens of Hamburg entertained us at dinner. -Banquet spread in what they call the Zoologischer Garten. Odd how -the way of pronouncing a familiar word grows upon some people after -dinner. - -Feeding time seven. No extra charge to the public, who are kept -outside. Excellent dinner; but general arrangement more suited to time -of Methuselah than our shorter-lived day. Sat down at 7.30; finished -by 11.30. Peculiarity of _menu_ was the interpolation of cold -speeches among the hot dishes. As soon as we swallowed our _Klare -Schildkrötensuppe_, and toyed with our _Forellen, blau mit Butter_, -Chairman rose and proposed toast to Emperor. Next came on the table -(sideways, of course) _Helgoländer hummer auf amerikanische Art_. -Before the dish was removed, another gentleman on his legs proposing -health of Mr. G. So on through the meal: first a bite and sup, then a -speech. Practice interesting, though apt to induce a coolness on -part of some of the dishes. Suppose cook calculates that gentlemen -proposing particular toast will speak for ten minutes; he takes -twenty, or, if of a fearless nature, half an hour. Where's your next -dish? Why, cold or burnt. Nor can system be recommended on score of -economy. Consequence of sitting through four hours dining off sort -of speech-sandwich, is that you begin to get hungry again. The -absent-minded man, offered an ice, says he usually begins his dinner -with soup. If two hundred follow his example, and insist upon going -all through the dinner again, it is not only embarrassing, but becomes -costly. - -_Off Jutland, Sunday._--Don CURRIE last night gave return banquet on -_Tantallon Castle_ to Hamburgers. Done in princely style. Over two -hundred sat down in brilliantly lighted saloon. Had our speeches, -as usual with _nous autres_, served with the dessert instead of as -_entrées_. Few, short, pithy, and one historical. Don CURRIE proposed -toasts to his fellow Sovereigns, the Queen of ENGLAND and Emperor -of GERMANY. Burgomaster of Hamburg toasted Mr. G., who responded in -speech, lofty in sentiment, eloquently simple, admirable in delivery. -Dog and pup, I have, during the last twenty years, heard nearly every -one of his great speeches in the House and out. Declare that in all -the qualities that go to make a perfect oration, it would be hard for -even his record to beat this impromptu speech, delivered amid such -strange surroundings. - -After dinner, a dance on deck. The waltzing and polkaing commonplace -enough. But pretty to see JOHN LENG, M.P., and the LORD OF THE ISLES do -a sword dance, whilst RAMSAY, M.P., like them, clad in national garb, -played the bagpipes. This struck the German guests more than anything. -Their papers full of it. - - * * * * * - -[Illustration: _Mr. Punch_ regrets to hear (from a thoroughly -[un]reliable source) that some confusion has been caused at Keil owing -to the great physical resemblance between his representative on the -_Tantallon Castle_ and His Imperial Majesty the GERMAN EMPEROR!! In -fact, some doubts are expressed as to which of the two it was who -opened the Baltic Canal!] - - * * * * * - -_Copenhagen, Tuesday._--King and Queen of DENMARK, with rest of -Royal Family, had day out to-day. Came aboard _Tantallon Castle_ for -luncheon. - -"You talk about your Roshervilles, _cher_ TOBEE," his Majesty said, as -we smoked cigars with our coffee; "but to my mind, the place to spend -a happy day is the _Tantallon Castle_." - -"There is," I said, "the drawback of the absence of shrimps. But then -even kings cannot have everything." - -"True, TOBEE," said the grandfather of our kings-to-be and of other -people's. And for a moment the royal brow was "sicklied o'er with pale -cast of thought." - -It cleared as he caught sight of our two rival Kodakesses, who had -simultaneously got him in focus. Pretty to see King arrange his hair, -give little twist to moustache, and assume look of abstraction, just -as common people do when they suspect someone is taking a snap-shot at -them. As SARK says, "One snap of the Kodak makes the whole world kin." - -Oddly enough, there were speeches at the luncheon. Mr. G. having got -his hand (or rather his voice) in at mouth of the Elbe, delivered -two charming addresses. One in proposing health of King and Queen of -DENMARK, the other in responding to toast to his own health, given -by King. A new thing this for Old Parliamentary Hand to serve as -after-dinner speaker. Listening to his graceful, gracious phrases, -one almost regrets he should have given up so much time to Irish Land -Bills, Home Rule, and the like. - -After luncheon a stroll on deck, and, incidentally, a memorable scene. -In addition to the Kodakesses, who have taken everyone on board, -except each other, we have a regular artist with a camera. Don CURRIE, -having a moment to spare, thought he would have his likeness taken. -Got into position; operator's head under the cloth fixing him; in -another moment it would have been done. As SHAKSPEARE wrote long ago, -"Nothing escapes the eye of royal Denmark." The King, seeing what was -going on, quietly led up the Queen, and stood by her in focus; the -rest of the Royal Family, as our toast lists have it, closed in, -forming a group near the Don; and when the astonished operator removed -the cap and exposed the plate he found upon it the Royal Family -of Denmark and one simple Highland gentleman distinguished in such -company by his plain estate. - -In afternoon, Don CURRIE having entertained Kings and Queens and Crown -Princes, threw open all the gangways of the ship to the people of -Copenhagen. They flocked in by hundreds, increasing to thousands. In -endless streams they passed along the decks peering and poking their -noses into every nook and cranny. On upper deck they had a great find. -Sitting in his state cabin, with door open, was Mr. G. reading about -the Vikings in their own tongue, which he has lately added to his list -of acquired foreign languages. The Danes, men, women, and children, -stood there at gaze. Mr. G., with his back turned to door, read on, -unnoticing. Crowd growing unmanageable with ever-increasing numbers, -a handy quartermaster rigged out ropes, and made sort of handrail, -guarding either side of cabin, keeping back crowd. But it filled the -deck all through the afternoon, ever changing, but ever one in its -passionate, yet patient desire to catch a glimpse of that figure in -the cabin, that went on reading as if the world outside were a mere -wilderness. - -[Illustration: An admirable spot for a little quiet reading, although -perhaps the firing does make it a leetle difficult to concentrate -one's thoughts wholly upon the matter in hand.] - -_Wednesday._--At Kiel. Harbour and approaches filled with fleets of -all nations, every ship bristling with guns, and longing to be at -somebody. For the closing years of the nineteenth century of the -Christian Era, this is, as SARK says, most encouraging. It is the -completest achievement, the proudest thing civilisation has to show -us. - - * * * * * - -From the _Manchester Guardian:_-- - - SIR CHARLES HALLE'S CHOIR PICNIC. FINAL REHEARSAL and for - TICKETS at Messrs. &c. - -How is a picnic rehearsed? - - * * * * * - -[Illustration: HIS IDEA OF IT. - -_Native._ "IS'T NO A DAFT-LIKE PLACE THIS TAE BE TAKIN' A VIEW? -THERE'S NO NAETHING TAE BE SEEN FOR THE TREES. NOO, IF YE WAS TAE GANG -TAE THE TAP O' KNOCKCREGGAN, THAT WAD SET YE FINE! YE CAN SEE _FIVE -COONTIES_ FRAE THERE!"] - - * * * * * - -THE LEADING MOTIVE OF THE "W. O.," WITH VARIATIONS. - -_The General Idea_ (_supplied at Pall Mall_). That, although the -British Army costs (exclusive of extras) £57 per man, the War Office -is the best _bureau_ in the world. The establishments over which the -Secretary of State and the Commander-in-Chief preside, are necessarily -incapable of improvement, as they are absolutely perfect. This being -so, nothing more need, can, and should be said. - -_Commentary No. 1_ (_supplied by Printing House Square_). That the -General Idea of the War Office is ridiculous. That were Pall Mall to -be occupied by the staff of a merchant's office, the nation would be -saved millions, and the £57 (exclusive of extras) per man arrangement -would soon be regarded as an extravagant product of the wasteful past. - -_Commentary No. 2_ (_supplied by a military writer_). That civilians -cannot possibly know anything about the working of a Government -Office. As Pall Mall says it is perfect, it is to be presumed that it -is. Why not leave well alone? And as for £57 (exclusive of extras) per -man, why, is not that arrangement less than £60? - -_Commentary No. 3_ (_supplied anonymously_). Opinion of military -writer not worth the paper containing it. Look abroad. Does the -foreign service cost £57 per man, exclusive of extras? Not at all. -Then what can be done on the Continent, can, and should be done in -England. - -_Commentary No. 4_ (_supplied by the working-classes_). What! pay, £57 -(exclusive of extras) for a soldier? Much better abolish the Army, and -reduce the price of beer! - -_Commentary No. 5 and last_ (_supplied by_ Private THOMAS ATKINS). -What, I cost £57 a year, exclusive of extras! Well, all I can say is, -that precious little of the money or the perquisites gets into _my_ -pockets! Worse luck to it! - - * * * * * - -MRS. R. ON THE POLITICAL SITUATION.--"What's this I hear about Mr. G.?" -inquired Mrs. R. "That he is returning to the House in town, and giving -up his Villiers in the country?" - - * * * * * - -[Illustration: UNLUCKY SPEECHES. - -"MANY HAPPY RETURNS OF THE DAY!" SAYS THE BASHFUL JONES TO FAIR BRIDE -ON THE OCCASION OF HER THIRD MARRIAGE.] - - * * * * * - -ARS EST CELARE NATURAM. - -The German EMPEROR having expressed a wish to visit a non-existing -island at Hamburg, the tasteful citizens have constructed one by means -of wirework, canvas, plaster, and cement. - -It is stated that the SULTAN is bored by the Bosphorus. The whole -surface of the water will therefore be covered with planks, painted -green, to represent meadows. - -The KING of the BELGIANS is said to have remarked that Brussels would -be improved by a distant view of the sea. The municipal authorities -propose to cover the high ground, seen from the palace windows, -with tin-foil. It is hoped that this will give the effect of the sea -gleaming in the sunshine. - -The PRESIDENT of the French Republic having thought that it would be -a pleasing compliment to Russia if some specimens of Russian -architecture could be erected in Paris, it is believed that the -_Commission des Monuments Historiques_ will cover the Louvre with -laths and canvas, painted to represent the Kremlin, and by similar -means will transform the Champs Elysées into the Nevsky Prospect, and -will give to Notre Dame the appearance of the forts at Cronstadt. - -The KHEDIVE has expressed an opinion that the Pyramids look old -and shabby. If the English and French government will authorise the -expenditure, the whole surface of the stone will be made perfectly -smooth, will be painted and grained in imitation of oak, and will -finally be varnished. The face of the Sphinx will be washed, and will -then be used for an advertisement of an English soap. The enormous -rent paid for this will be added to the KHEDIVE'S pocket money. - -The Queen of HOLLAND is dissatisfied with the flat surroundings of the -Hague. It has been pointed out to HER MAJESTY that the city contains -a hill, called, we believe, the Vijverberg, which rises at least three -feet above the level of the sea, but she has replied that this is not -enough. It is therefore proposed to surround the whole city with a -gigantic panorama of the Bernese Oberland. - -The other day the King of SPAIN perceived a reflection of the moon in -a pond, and was much annoyed when his attendants failed to bring it to -him. It has now been arranged that all the ponds in the neighbourhood -shall contain an aluminium moon, which can be pulled out by a -specially appointed Grandee of Spain, if commanded by HIS MAJESTY. - - * * * * * - -"B-O-M-B--BOMB!" - -FRIDAY, June 21. The Duke of CAMBRIDGE resigned his -Commander-in-Chieftaincy, and the Government was suddenly scattered by -a "_Brodrick Patent Cordite Exploder_," which reduced the Secretary of -War's salary by a hundred pounds. - - "A hundred pounds! - Ha! Thou hast touched me nearly." - - _The Critic._ - - * * * * * - -The Witness Protection Society and General Legal Reform Union has been -holding its Annual General Meeting. Among the numerous objects of this -estimable body the chief appears to be to protect witnesses in law -courts from insult by counsel. Captain PARKIS, having expressed -himself as willing, was voted to the chair, and the members settled -down to have a good time. "Heated discussion," "further disturbance," -and a well-sustained fire of "protests," lent an air of gaiety to -the proceedings, which culminated in "various gentlemen abusing one -another across the table." With such excellent practice, the members -of the W. P. S. G. L. R. U. should be able to hold their own in court. -The Bar trembles. Even the Bench feels a little uneasy. - - L-CKW-D, no longer drawing, will be drawn, - Even the piercing eye of CL-RKE will quail, - C-RS-N be "spacheless," G-LL will almost fawn, - And sturdy W-BST-R falter and turn pale, - Because the witness, taking heart of grace, - Will "go for him" with candour strangely new, - And brandish, cross-examined, in his face - The W. P. S. G. L. R. U.! - - * * * * * - -"MEMORABLE SAYINGS AND HISTORICAL EVENTS."--There must now be added to -the long list Sir WILLIAM HARCOURT'S languidly jocose remark on Friday -night last. "Thank Heaven," he is reported to have said, "there is one -night on which we need not fear a crisis." And while yet the laugh -was on their lips, the bells rang, and subsequently the Four Tellers -announced what could not have been Fore-told. And who laughs last? - - * * * * * - -[Illustration: "WILLIAM! AHOY!" - -OPEN-MINDED WILLIAM (_having come ashore from "The Stormy Petrel"_). -"AVAST THERE, MESSMATES! THE STATESMAN WHO WOULD LAY HIS HANDS ON A -STEEPLE-HATTED FEMALE IN DISTRESS,--_SAVE IN THE WAY OF KE-INDNESS_," -&c., &c. - - [_The "Messmates" "avast" accordingly._ - - *** "Mr. G." withdrew his pair with Mr. VILLIERS in order to - keep "an open mind" on the Welsh Disestablishment Question.] - - * * * * * - -ROUNDABOUT READINGS. - -Messrs. ARKWRIGHT, CUNLIFFE, and WARNER have received their blues from -the Captain of the Oxford University Eleven. In other words, these -gentlemen will help to represent their University in the cricket match -against Cambridge. My congratulations, though they come late, are none -the less hearty and sincere. Can any years of success in after life -efface the memory or outrival the delight of that crowded moment of -glorious life which comes to a young man when his Captain tells him he -may get his blue? Thenceforward he is made one with the great company -of old blues, who year by year meet and exchange reminiscences, the -honour of his University is in his hands, his father becomes less -rigorous in his financial views, and his mother is confirmed in her -opinion that her darling is the brightest and best and handsomest of -created beings. These keen joys come but once in a lifetime, and only -to a few. - -[Illustration] - - * * * * * - - That man's a good bat who can time, judge, and mark right - The ball as it flies from the right hand of ARKWRIGHT. - And the Oxford men cheer as they see the stumps fall - When the Magdalen bowler delivers the ball. - "My team," said G. MORDAUNT, "requires only one lift; - If I get it the Cantabs may go and be Cunliffed." - And I think he was wise in awarding, don't you, - To this tricky left-handed young bowler his blue. - And lastly the Captain, he put in his thumb, - For he very much wanted to pull out a plum: - "I have it," he cried, like a modern Jack Horner, - And he promptly scored one as he pulled out Plum WARNER. - - * * * * * - -When I was a freshman at Cambridge (_eheu fugaces!_) I remember being -both impressed and terrified at having pointed out to me a tutor of -a certain College who was said to be the hero of a Bacchanalian -incident. The story went that the tutor, returning from some feast -with a party of friends, fell, by mischance, into one of the narrow -streams of water that flow at the side of the Cambridge streets. -Striking out vigorously, he shouted, "Save the rest, I can swim." No -doubt the story is still told, for the supposed hero of it is still -alive. Indeed, when a caricature of him was published some years ago -in _Vanity Fair_, the biography by JEHU JUNIOR closed with the words, -"He can swim." Yet the story, as affecting Mr. DASH, of Blank College, -is manifestly false, for it is older than the century. The curious may -find it in its original form in the lately published volume of S. T. -COLERIDGE'S letters. The poet relates it of an undergraduate of his -day who had taken part in a drunken revel. - - * * * * * - -But the ways of stories are at all times inscrutable. I have myself--I -confess it without a blush--deliberately invented and spread abroad a -story about a semi-public dinner. I did so merely because it struck -me as containing elements of humour. Besides, it not only might -have happened, but ought to have happened. A year or two later six -gentlemen, who had been present when the incident did not occur, -related it back to me, each one with a little special embellishment of -his own. Some of them were magistrates, most of them were fathers of -families, and all were honourable men. Yet they were all prepared to -stake their reputations on the absolute veracity of this myth; and, -what is even more curious, they retailed it to its inventor and -disseminator. - - * * * * * - -Lytham is troubled. I read that "the musical attractions at the Pier -Pavilion have been fairly patronised, and dancing on the pier is to -be resumed." This latter attraction, it appears, has not met with the -entire approval of the Lytham people, who contend that it will bring -Lytham into disrepute. "The Ratepayers' Association have had the -matter under consideration, and have disclaimed any connection with -the innovation. The directors, however, have had the question under -discussion, and have decided to continue the dancing." - - * * * * * - - Said the pier-man to the tourist, "Lo, the tide is flowing free; - Won't you come and join the dancers in our Temple by the sea? - See how mazily the Harries and the Harriets advance, - Will you won't you, will you won't you, won't you join the dance? - - "We have cornets, flutes and fiddles, and we always play in time, - And the triangles at intervals triangularly chime. - Hark, the bold bassoon is booming, every dancer gets a chance, - Come and trip it, pretty tourist, in our gay Pavilion dance." - - But the tourist paused a moment; then addressed the pier-man, - "Brute, - Such proceedings bring poor Lytham into awful disrepute, - Besides, I'm here for pleasure, and I do not want to prance. - As the rest of them are doing, in your gay _al fresco_ dance." - - And the ratepayers considered it, and angrily replied, - "There is another shore, you know, upon the other side: - Take your dancers far from England, take them bodily to France; - We disclaim the least connection, and we will not join your dance." - - * * * * * - -I note from a correspondence in _The Scotsman_ that a considerable -amount of feeling has been aroused by the erection of the new North -British Railway Hotel in Princes Street. Lord WEMYSS, apparently, has -declared not only that it will spoil the view, but also that it will -"pierce the vault of heaven." Another correspondent adds that it -will have "a Jennerised, unreposeful front." That ought to settle -the matter at once. Someone else complains of "those terrible -advertisements of drugs and fluid beef which extend in gigantic -letters along the side of the lower part of the Carlton Hill, and -which catch the unwilling eye of anyone looking from the Bridges, -from the Mound, and indeed from any part of the Old Town." What with -advertisements of drugs and fluid beef, and a new hotel possessing a -Jennerised, unreposeful front, obviously Edinburgh is in a bad way. - - * * * * * - -Mr. C. J. WALTON, of Wolverhampton, writes to the _Birmingham Daily -Gazette_ with reference to a recent appeal on behalf of the victims -of the "Liberator" frauds. "I fail entirely to see," he says, "how a -member of the Church of England can be expected to make the slightest -sacrifice (except on the principle of Christian charity), seeing that -the whole idea of the 'Liberator' scheme was to find funds for the -agitators whose sole aim was the robbery and destruction of the Church -of England as a national institution, and to get hold of its funds for -secular and non-religious purposes." Dear me, dear me, how strange, -how terrible, how muddle-headed. This poor politician has evidently -got mixed up between the Liberator and the "Liberation Society." Let -him take the hint, and send in his subscription. - - * * * * * - -OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. - -_The Convict Ship_, CLARK RUSSEL'S latest novel (CHATTO AND WINDUS), -is redolent of the sea. There is no writer, not forgetting MARRYAT, -who has such close companionship with the sea in its multiple -forms and its many moods. The temptation to transfer some of the -ever-varying pictures of the sea which sparkle in these pages is great -but must be resisted. Here is a glimpse of night at sea, chosen not -because it is best, but because it is shortest:-- - - "The mighty shadow of the ocean night was majestic and awful, - with the wild, flashful colouring of lightning in the south, - and the dustlike multitude of stars over the three glooming - spires of our ship." - -[Illustration] - -One would suppose that, sitting down to write, CLARK RUSSELL had -just come home from a long trip foreign, or at least lived his life -somewhere within sight and sound of the sea. The pity of it is, my -Baronite tells me, that this incomparable student of the sea, of ships -that go down upon the waters, and of those who people them, lies at -anchor on his sofa in an inland town. He has not looked upon the sea -for a dozen years, nor smelt its brine, nor watched a ship coming or -going. This makes the more marvellous the power of description of -sea life in all its forms here displayed. Beyond this special gift, -fascinating to some people, Mr. RUSSELL has a story to tell, a good -stout sea story, full of life and adventure, through the devious -movements of which we meet real men and one woman. Remembering that -CLARK RUSSELL now ranks as a veteran novelist, it is pleasant to bear -testimony to the fact that he seems to have saved his best wine to the -last. _The Convict Ship_ is, take it from stem to stern, the best work -he has yet turned out. - - THE B. DE B.-W. - - * * * * * - -"N.B."--Glasgow will have to look after its parks. Here is the Town -Council actually dreaming of "feuing" some of "the recently-acquired -Camphill grounds" for building purposes! These grounds belong to the -people, and adjoin the South Side Park, and "the amenity of that park -would be destroyed" by building operations. One protester says South -Side Park is the prettiest in Glasgow, and "more like the London -parks, which I regard as the finest in the kingdom." Thanks, worthy -Scot! The view of it, "as seen through the railings in the Pollokshaws -Road," reminds him of "the fine view of Hyde Park which is to be -had through the railing in that busy and lovely thoroughfare--Oxford -Street." Thanks again, thrice worthy Pict! But Oxford Street a "lovely -thoroughfare"--well! At any rate, the Glasgow Bailies when next they -are disposed to "feu," should think of the "Many" instead. - - * * * * * - -RHYME FOR RECORD-MAKERS. - - Rattle-it, rattle-it, "Biking" man; - Make us a "record" as fast as you can; - Score it, and print it as large as life, - And someone will "cut" it ere you can say knife! - - * * * * * - -GERMANY AND FRANCE AT THE THEATRES.--Capital fun at DRURIOLANUS'S -Drury Lane, by the Ducal Court Company. Farcical Comedy, HASEMANN'S -_Töchter_, played by the Ducal Creatures. How we have been going it -in the theatrical world! SARA in French! DUSE in Italian! and now the -clever people of Saxe-Coburg-and-Gotha ("You'll Go-tha and see 'em!") -to finish with. By the way, SARA not to be beaten by anybody as _La -Tosca_. Fascinating and terrible as ever. In the knife, corpse, and -candle scene, awful. Fine play, but--"Horrible! Most horrible!" Quite -comforting, when curtain descends on that Act, to remember that "it's -only purtendin'." - - * * * * * - -A singular entry was on Tuesday, June 18, made in Mr. INGLEFIELD'S -visitors' (House of Commons) book. "Mr. DISRAELI--Mr. GLADSTONE." -It was Mr. C. DISRAELI introducing as a visitor _a_ Mr. GLADSTONE of -Liverpool. A very "singular entry" indeed, had it been the ghost of -Big Ben himself! - - * * * * * - -DR. W. GRACE'S FAVOURITE DISH.--"Batter pudding." - - * * * * * - -[Illustration: "A LITTLE KNOWLEDGE," &c. - -_Sissy._ "MAMMA, DOES _DEMI-TOILETTE_ MEAN _HALF-DRESSED_, LIKE MRS. -ROBINS IS WHEN SHE COMES HERE TO DINNER?"] - - * * * * * - -MERRY MAY OUR KIEL GROW! - -(BY A WEE GERMAN LADDIE). - -AIR--"_The Keel Row!_" - - As I sailed through the Baltic, - The Baltic, the Baltic, - As I sailed through the Baltic, - I heard a German sing, O! - "Merry may our Kiel grow, - Our Kiel grow, our Kiel grow, - With ships from sea to sea, O! - - "The Vaterland reposes, - As though on beds of roses, - Whilst we hold up our noses, - Among the Naval Powers, O! - Merry may our Kiel grow, &c. - - "The Frank desires to mizzle, - His Panama's a fizzle. - BULL, in his land of drizzle, - Is jealous as cm be, O! - But merry may our Kiel grow, &c." - - * * * * * - -Mr. F. J. HORNIMAN, F.R.G.S., tea-merchant, has accepted the -invitation to oppose Mr. CAVENDISH BENTINCK, Conservative M.P., -for the united borough of Penryn, Flushing, and Falmouth. It is -anticipated, says the _Western Daily Mercury_, that he will make a -good candidate. Certainly he ought to be able to suit the constituency -to a T, unless it continues faithful to its CAVENDISH, in which case -his candidature will end in smoke. Mr. HORNIMAN, no doubt, hopes for -an early general election, because the longer he stands the greater -prospect of his getting what schoolboys call a "tannin'." - - * * * * * - -NEW SONG.--"_Goodness' Nose_," By the author of _"Beauty's Eyes"!!_ - - * * * * * - -CHATS WITH THE CHILDREN. - -A COMIC RAILWAY JOURNEY. - -_Miss Prunes-Prism._ And now, my dear charges, I trust you have -utilised the hour that has been hypothecated to enjoyment profitably. - -_Emily._ Indeed we have, dear governess. I have read to my brother and -sister a most amusing account of a railway traveller who wished to -get from Bangor to Euston in five hours, and was baffled in the -well-intentioned attempt by the clever ingenuity of the railway -companies! - -_Miss Prunes-Prism._ You refer, no doubt, to the gentleman who, having -left Bangor at 7.55, reached Llandudno at 8.5, Colwyn Bay at 8.41, -Abergele at 8.52, Rhyl at 9.2, and Chester at 9.56. - -_Margaret._ Yes, dear Miss PRUNES-PRISM; and it is at that point the -fun of the railway companies came in. Having arrived at 9.56 he found -that the train for London had already left. It was timed to depart for -the metropolis exactly one minute before the arrival of his train at -9.55! - -_Emily._ Indeed, dear governess, the story is vastly entertaining. -Then there is a similar arrangement at Crewe Junction. At that centre -of popularity a train arrives from a provincial source at 10.48, just -one minute later than the advertised time for the departure of the -London train. Those who have the framing of these traffic arrangements -must be wags of the first water! - -_Miss Prunes-Prism._ No doubt they are. And now, my dear CHARLES, -supposing your dear papa wished to get from Bangor to Euston, what -would you advise him to do? - -_Charles._ I should recommend him to walk. - -_Miss Prunes-Prism._ I think, my dear child, that your counsel would -be sound. And now, my dear charges, having enjoyed our chat, let -us return with renewed energy to the consideration of the principal -incidents of _Magna Charta_. - - * * * * * - -SERIES TO SUCCEED "THE PENNY POETS."--"The Tuppenny-Ha'penny -Poetasters." To include the lays of the Logrollerites, and the leading -aspirants to the Laureateship. - - * * * * * - -ENCORE VERSE. - -(_See Song, "The Two Graces," in last week's "Punch."_) - - [In the first innings of the Jubilee Match, "I Zingari - _versus_ Gentlemen of England," W. G. GRACE, Sen., scored 34, - and W. G. GRACE, Jun., 79]. - - Says the young W. G. to the old W. G., - "Seventy-nine, my potent pater, Seventy-nine!" - Says the old W. G. to the young W. G., - "That beats mine, sonny WILLIAM, that beats mine! - A. G. STEEL does little cricket, but he made hay of my wicket; - _How_ we used to run the score up, he and I, long ago! - But I told you you would do it, if you only dared stick _to_ it; - And we _know_, we old 'uns, WILLIAM; yes, _we_ know!" - - * * * * * - -There has been much excitement in Sheffield about the School Board. -The unsectarian party had a chance of converting a minority of one -into a majority of the same extent, owing to the retirement of one -Church member, and the serious illness of another, Father BURKE, -who was thereby prevented from attending the Board meeting for the -election of a new member. Mr. CHARLES HOBSON, however, refused to take -advantage of an accident to reverse for the next two years and a half -the policy of the Board laid down by a majority of the ratepayers, and -chose what he considered the better part of pairing with Father BURKE. -Therefore was the chairman enabled to give a casting vote in favour of -the Church candidate. But "Hobson's Choice" has not pleased his -candid friends, who think, and say, that it is "not war," nor even -magnificent. The blades must needs keep up the credit of their native -place by making cutting remarks. They come from Sheffield. - - * * * * * - -Who Threw It? - - Joy in the Church, confusion in the chapel, - And contradictory clamour everywhere! - It may be questioned if the Eris-apple - Gendered more strife than "Mr. GLADSTONE'S Pair." - - * * * * * - -[Illustration] - - "À bas the Club Sweep," 253 - - A-dress by Mr. Speaker, 232 - - Advantage of being Consistent (The), 121 - - Advertisement Extraordinary, 113 - - Advertisement Fiend (The), 301 - - Advisability of not being brought up in a Handbag (The), 107 - - After the Play, 161 - - After Whitsuntide, 274 - - "Alas, poor Yorick!" 155 - - All the Difference, 101, 189, 219 - - Anacreontics for All, 178 - - April Foolosophy, 157 - - A. R. at the R. A., 220 - - Architect to his Wife (The), 109 - - 'Arry and the Battersea Park Lady Cyclists, 285 - - 'Arry and the New Woman, 230 - - 'Arry on Derby Day, 258 - - 'Arry on the Season, 298 - - Ars est Celare Naturam, 306 - - "Art is Long----," 69 - - Artistic "Frost" (An), 87 - - As Broad as Long, 269 - - Ascent of Man (The), 277 - - Ascot, 289 - - "As Simple as Italian," 288 - - At a Yeomanry Review, 280 - - At the Banquet, Saturday, May 4, 221 - - At the Old Masters, 59 - - Awful Revelations, 143 - - - Baby's Diary, 209 - - Bail Up! 129 - - Ballad of the Unsurprised Judge, 167 - - Bar None! 97 - - Battle of Eastbourne (The), 216 - - Battle of Evesham (The), 53 - - "Better late than never," 183 - - Between the Lines, 244 - - Bismarck's Birthday, 159 - - Black Magic, 48 - - Blind Allegories, 184, 196, 208, 225 - - Bold J. H. Taylor, 298 - - "Bon jour, Philippine!" 18 - - Bonnie W. G., 29 - - Bookmakers on the Beach, 256 - - Boot-bills of Narcissus (The), 101 - - Bould Soger Boys at Islington (The), 255 - - Boys and Girls come out to--Pantomime, 35 - - "Brains for Cash," 217 - - Bubbles from the Baltic, 304 - - Bye-Election Lay (A), 154 - - - Cabinet Council Record (A), 105 - - Cabinet Secret (A), 35 - - Carmencita, 204 - - Century of Centuries (A), 241 - - Chats with the Children, 310 - - Check! 141 - - Chino-Japanese Calendar (A), 181 - - Chronicles of a Rural Parish, 5, 24, 34 - - Circling the Square, 133 - - Cock and Bull Story (A), 165 - - Coming Charge (A), 238 - - Comyns and the Goin's of Arthur (The), 37 - - Concerning a Misused Term, 177 - - Courtly Quadrupeds, 137 - - Coy Clients, 57 - - - Dandy Afghan Khan (The), 27 - - Daudet! 270 - - Death in the Cup, 24 - - Decadent Lover of Fiction (The), 66 - - Derby and Joan, 53 - - Derby Dialogue (A), 255 - - Discovery of London (The), 257 - - Disturbed! 114 - - "Divided Duty" (A), 30 - - Doing a Cathedral, 160 - - Dramatic Common Senser-ship (The), 136 - - Dramatic Family Likeness, 205 - - Dream of the New Woman (A), 17 - - Drink Question (The), 217 - - - Easter 'Oliday (An), 186 - - Easy Chair (The), 138 - - Ecuador Bondholder's Song (The), 101 - - Election Address (An), 145 - - Encore Verse, 310 - - Essence of Parliament, 71, 83, 95, 107, 119, 131, 155, 167, - 179, 191, 215, 227, 239, 251, 263, 275, 300 - - Expectedness, 232 - - - Fair Children in Grafton Street, 231 - - Farming of the Future (The), 117 - - Feeling Protest (A), 59 - - Filia pulchra, Mater pulchrior, 209 - - Fine Summer Day's Outing (A), 297 - - First Step (A), 208, 225 - - Flirtgirl's Reply (The), 153 - - "For this relief, much thanks!" 208 - - French Amnesty (The), 63 - - Friend at a Pinch (A), 215 - - From Corinto to Herne Bay, 226 - - From the Queer and Yellow Book, 58 - - "Full Speed ahead!" 135 - - - Game of Draughts (The), 149 - - Glad New Year (A), 5 - - Goose and the Eagle (The), 287 - - Graceful Tribute (The), 294 - - - Hard Frost (The), 78 - - Hard Lines, 85 - - Hard to (L. C.) C., 90 - - Hexameters to Date, 193 - - Higher Criticism (The), 136 - - Hints to Skaters on Etiquette and Deportment, 73 - - His Favourite Subject, 207 - - History repeats itself, 171 - - Hopeless Case (A), 113 - - How (of course) it is not done, 250 - - How to control and rectify Public Opinion, 177 - - How to Write an Extra Number, 9 - - - In Praise of the Triangle, 169 - - Interesting Invalid (The), 51 - - Interviewer's Vade Mecum (The), 112 - - In the Cause of Charity, 88 - - In the Court of Common Sense, 124 - - "In the Name of Profit--Togs!" 274 - - Introspective Bard (The), 154 - - Irish Astronomy, 109 - - - Jap in the China Shop (The), 195 - - John stands Aloof, 210 - - John Stuart Blackie, 123 - - - "'Key-note'-orius Mrs. Ebbsmith," 148 - - Kind Inquiry (A), 287 - - Knight of the Willow (A), 274 - - - La Diva at Daly's, 267 - - Lament (A), 285 - - Last Tournament (The), 303 - - Latest Craze (The), 193 - - Latest from Sol (The), 167 - - Laureate Society (The), 47 - - Law in Blank, 232 - - Lay of the Bimetallist (The), 129 - - Lay of the Little Minority (The), 189 - - Learned Welsh Goat (The), 90 - - Leeds Leads! 245 - - Letters from the Shades, 142 - - Letter to a Débutante, 46 - - "Light Fantastic" (The), 78 - - Lines in Pleasant Places, 57, 191 - - "Literature and Art," 118 - - Literary "Food and Feeding," 180 - - Little Change (A), 237 - - Little Mopsemann, 52, 64, 76 - - "London and Liverpool--little and good," 253 - - Lord Randolph Churchill, 59 - - Loss of Richmond Hill (The), 263 - - Loss of the Gallery (The), 217 - - - Man and the Maid, 291 - - March Thought, 112 - - May Day, 205 - - May Meeting (A), 238 - - "Meat! Meat!" 54 - - Meeting a very Old Friend, 161 - - Menu à la Mode (The), 133 - - Merry may our Kiel grow! 310 - - Minor Poetry in the Sere and Yellow Leaf, 178 - - Mismanaged Accident (A), 181 - - Missed Chance (A), 299 - - Moan in Maytime (A), 251 - - Model Remodelled (A), 273 - - Modern Buyer (The), 213 - - Modern Eclogue (A), 61 - - Modern Theatre Laugh (The), 4 - - Modes and Metals, 238 - - Mr. Punch at a Picture Show, 189 - - Mr. Punch Welcomes the New Year, 1 - - Mrs. A.'s at Home, 77 - - Mrs. Bloomer, 36 - - "Music hath Charms," 147 - - My Influenza, 137 - - My Partner, 135 - - My Petty Jayne! 29 - - My Pipe, 201 - - - Naval Architecture, 299 - - Neuralgia, 237 - - New Chivalry (The), 168 - - New Conductor (The), 198 - - New English Art Club (The), 186 - - New Gallery Queries, 227 - - New Hen (The), 133 - - New Year, 4 - - New Year Notions, 4 - - New Year's Day Dream (The), 15 - - Ninety Year! 219 - - Nocturne in Noodledom (A), 287 - - Non-Capitalist's Vade Mecum (The), 73 - - Not done yet, 174 - - Notes from a Patient's Diary, 267 - - Notices to Correspondents, 23 - - Now we're Furnished! 299 - - - Ode to a (London) "Lark," 229 - - Ode to an Overcoat, 250 - - Odyllic Force, 17 - - Of the Art of Tobogganing, 100 - - "Oh, my prophetic Soul, my Punchius!" 269 - - Old Ferryman's New Fare (The), 6 - - "Old Master's" Growl (An), 9 - - On the New Statue, 238 - - Operatic Notes, 245, 257, 269, 281, 293, 301 - - Original Aryan to the Professor (The), 136 - - Ostrich Feathers, 203 - - Our Booking-Office, 21, 29, 48, 60, 61, 77, 93, 105, 112, 129, - 154, 165, 173, 185, 193, 207, 269, 281, 293, 309 - - Our Next little Battle, 189 - - "Over!" 123 - - Overheard Fragment of a Dialogue, 24 - - O. W. Vade Mecum (The), 85 - - - Party Politics, 198 - - "Penny plain--but Oscar coloured," 36 - - Philistine Pæan (A), 222 - - "Pity the Poor Artist!" 66 - - Plea for the Ghosts (A), 73 - - Pleasures of Travel (The), 113 - - Poet and his Interviewers (The), 244 - - Polite Guide to the Civil Service (The), 10 - - Premier's Cruise (The), 246 - - Presented at Court, 205 - - "Pride and Prejudice," 174 - - Privilege of the Press (The), 231 - - Proposed Rules for the Ladies Universal Athletic Association, - 167 - - Protest from the Playground, 1 - - Proverbs by an Illustrious Foreigner on Tour, 297 - - Psalm of (Holiday) Life (A), 34 - - - Quarter-Day; or, Demand and No Supply, 150 - - Queer Queries, 47, 60, 61, 132, 204 - - Quiet Rubbers, 96 - - "Quousque Tandem?" or, One at a Time, 162 - - - Rad to Chancellor of the Exchequer, 226 - - Railway Ballads, 197 - - Rather "Bold Advertisement," 229 - - Real New Woman (The), 36 - - Reflections of a Statesman, 204 - - Re-gilding the Golden Eagle, 99 - - Regrets, 275 - - Remarkable Instance of Sagacity in Grouse, 213 - - Rencontre (A), 47 - - Retribution, 65 - - Revised Code (A), 49 - - "Richard himself again!" 12 - - "Rivals" at the A. D. C., 106 - - Robert and the County Counsells, 197 - - Robert on County Counsellors, 57 - - Robert on the Tems, 265 - - "Rouge Gagne"? 75 - - Roundabout Readings, 245, 253, 265, 277, 289, 309 - - Rus in Urbe, 292 - - - "Sale! a Sale!" (A), 297 - - Saturday Night in the Edgware Road, 172 - - Scarlet Parasol (The), 249, 261, 268 - - Scraps from Chaps, 281, 291, 303 - - Second Mount (The), 111 - - Siesta (A), 301 - - Sitting Out, 69 - - Severe Weather (The), 75 - - Sexomania, 203 - - Shakspeare revised by an Alderman, 133 - - Shazada on the Thames (The), 282 - - "Should Christmas be abolished?" 5 - - Signs of the Times, 106 - - Silent! 126 - - Sir John Franklin, 253 - - Sly Oyster (The), 78 - - Society's Next Craze, 302 - - Song of Spring (A), 203 - - Song of the Sluggard (The), 136 - - Sonnet of Sonnets (A), 105 - - Sport in Court, 3 - - Sport, Speculation, and Counsel's Opinion, 269 - - "Strange Disappearances," 195 - - Streets of London (The), 217 - - Strikes à la Mode de Paris, 205 - - Studio-Seeker's Vade Mecum (The), 157 - - Study in Ethnology (A), 192 - - Sun and Song, 279 - - Sword Excalibur (The), 39 - - - Tall Order (A), 15 - - Tall Tales of Sport and Adventure, 13, 25, 45, 49, 72, 81, 97, - 109, 125 - - Tartarin sur la Tamise, 275 - - Tenification, 118 - - Ten Little Measures (The), 83 - - That Precious Donkey! 16, 28, 40 - - That Telegram, 262 - - That Wedding Present, 33 - - Three Modes of Spending a Bank Holiday, 173 - - Thrift, 93 - - To a Bad Shilling, 133 - - To a Bantling, 203 - - To a Country Host, 250 - - To a Flirtgirl, 141 - - To a Grand Old Manns, 226 - - To a Greek at "The Orient," 161 - - To a Lady-Journalist, 281 - - To Althea, 11 - - To a Picture, 209 - - To a Pretty Girl, 191 - - To a Young Actress, 192 - - Toby to H. R. H., 81 - - To Circe, 209 - - To Corinna, 121 - - To Isista, 155 - - To Julia's Pocket, 23 - - To Lucenda, 61 - - To Mrs. Keeley, 129 - - To my Doctor in Bed, 93 - - Toning it Down, 85 - - "To Paris and Back for Nothing," 179 - - To the Griffin, 169 - - Toys' Talk, 82 - - Trade Betrayed, 201 - - Trancemogrification, 99 - - Travels in Taffyland, 21 - - Truth about the Cold Tubber (The), 120 - - Two Graces (The), 293 - - Two Ways of doing it, 228 - - - Unemployed (The), 87, 114 - - Untamed Shrew (The), 42 - - Up-to-date Ducklings (The), 222 - - - Vade Mecum for a certain Court Official, 137 - - Valediction to St. Valentine (A), 95 - - Valentyne (A), 81 - - Very Catching, 185 - - Vestryman (The), 21 - - Viewing a Hare, 48 - - Vive le Tailleur du Roi! 35 - - "Voici le Sabre de mon Père!" 63 - - - Wail of the Walworth Woter (The), 241 - - Waiting for Nasrulla, 243 - - Warm Lament (A), 132 - - Wars of the Roses (The), 282 - - "Waters, waters everywhere!" 274 - - "When Arthur first at Court," 145 - - Which is the Correct Card? 179 - - "Whitaker," 250 - - Whitewashing the Statue of Cromwell, 299 - - "Whittington Redivivus," 102 - - "Who said--'Atrocities'?" 18 - - Why dost thou Sing? 12 - - Winter Academy of 1995 (The), 6 - - Winter Wedding (A), 69 - - With what Porpoise? 153 - - Woman who wouldn't do (The), 153 - - Won't Wash! 181 - - Would-be Soldier's Vade Mecum (The), 196 - - "You came to Tea!" 10 - -LARGE ENGRAVINGS. - - Birmingham Benedick (The), 223 - - "Deeds--not Words!" 283 - - Disturbed! 115 - - "Divided Duty" (A), 31 - - Doubtful "Stayer" (A), 259 - - Easter 'Oliday (An), 187 - - "Flying Visit" (A), 295 - - "Great Cry and little Wo(o)lmer!" 247 - - Harcourt the Headsman, 271 - - John Stands Aloof, 211 - - Learned Welsh Goat (The), 91 - - "Light Fantastic" (The), 79 - - "Meat! Meat!" 55 - - New Conductor (The), 199 - - New Passenger (The), 7 - - Not done yet, 175 - - Old Crusaders (The), 234, 235 - - "Pity the Poor Artist!" 67 - - Quarter-Day; or, Demand and No Supply, 151 - - "Quousque Tandem?" or, One at a Time, 163 - - Retirement; or, The Easy Chair, 139 - - Silent! 127 - - "Whittington Redivivus," 103 - - "Who said--'Atrocities'?" 19 - - "William! Ahoy!" 307 - - Untamed Shrew; or, Wanted a Petruchio (The), 43 - - -SMALL ENGRAVINGS. - - Academy Pictures, 220 - - Actress who Laugh at Actor, 33 - - Admirer very much Cast Down, 251 - - Advice to Lady riding in Park, 267 - - Animals after Bank Holiday, 183 - - Animals after the Influenza, 142 - - Animal Spirits on Derby Day, 262 - - Anticipating Events in his New Diary, 179 - - Archie's Seat in Auntie's Lap, 291 - - 'Arry prefers riding a "Bike," 118 - - 'Arry's Ale in the Highlands, 228 - - Artist's Unsold Pictures (An), 197 - - Aunty's Fancy Ball Reminiscences, 222 - - Authoress and her Publisher, 138 - - Barmaid and Mr. Boozy, 149 - - Baron's Indelicate Wife (The), 162 - - Benevolent Gent and Tipsy Protégé, 16 - - Best Claret he'd got (The), 54 - - Billee and the Mushrooms, 161 - - Blushing to the Roots of his Eyebrows, 114 - - Bobbie and the Two Soldiers, 102 - - Boy at a Fruiterer's, 255 - - Britannia and Nasrulla Kahn, 254 - - Bull regilding the Golden Eagle, 98 - - 'Bus Driver and Ugly Policeman, 174 - - Butler's Opinion of Russian Prince, 275 - - Butler who Overlaid himself, 85 - - Cabby and Stout Lady Fare, 46 - - Cab Strike at Athens, 137 - - Clever Lady, but Ugly (A), 90 - - Common's Real Ice Rink (The), 94 - - Comparative and Superlative of "Bad," 181 - - Coster's Barrow in New Hands, 201 - - Country Girls at a London Crossing, 61 - - Country Hosier and White Ties, 106 - - Countryman chaffing Amateur Jockey, 195 - - Cover for "Le Yellow Book," 178 - - Crumbs in Jack's Bed, 270 - - Curate tutoring Parish Choir, 294 - - Cycling and Horse-riding, 207 - - Cyclist's Surprise (A), 279 - - Dentist who uses Gas (A), 47 - - Devonshire Lady's Remark on Golf, 18 - - Different Reasons for talking to Women, 59 - - Dining with a Woman with a Past, 41 - - Doctor's Opinion of the New Woman, 227 - - Doing Penance by Dining Out, 150 - - Dr. Lobster and the Sick Oyster, 50 - - Druriolanus and the Operatic Pie, 225 - - Duke of Cambridge as Drum-Major, 146 - - Earl's Daughter and Old Housekeeper, 299 - - Elephants on the Ice, 60 - - Emperor of Germany's Picture, 206 - - Emperor's Present to Bismarck (The), 158 - - England v. Australia Cricket Captains, 122 - - English and American Divorce Laws, 165 - - English Couple at French Hotel, 303 - - English-dressed Afghan Khan, 26 - - Fair Horsewoman and May Meetings, 185 - - Father's and Son's Clothing, 205 - - Female Inebriate ejected, 297 - - Fishes' Boat-race (A), 157 - - Fowls' Barn Dance (The), 72 - - Frozen Out at the Zoo, 131 - - Garrick and Sir Henry Irving, 266 - - Girls discussing Jack's Dancing, 231 - - Glacial Period. Hyde Park, 1895, 83 - - Gladstone bound for the Baltic, 278 - - Guiding the Course of the Hounds, 132 - - Hairdresser's Subscriber (A), 243 - - Harcourt's Second Mount, 110 - - Harcourt's Sword of Leadership, 38 - - Harlequin Harcourt and Sleeping Trade, 14 - - Having a Pain in the Proper Place, 73 - - Hercules Bismarck and Omphale, 242 - - Herr Maestro and Lady Amateur, 78 - - Herr Schmidt's Pleasant Evening, 198 - - Holiday Tutor and Pupils, 10 - - Hopping Prospects, 229 - - Hospital Patient thanks his Nurse, 123 - - Hunters' First Open Day, 99 - - Hunting Man's Spade for Snow, 124 - - Huntsman's Introduction to Lady, 39 - - Inebriate refuses to go Home, 82 - - Innocent Gent and "Dark" Horse, 159 - - Is Billee Moving? 129 - - Jack seeks Female Society elsewhere, 282 - - Jap and Chinaman's Keys, 194 - - Jockey Club before Mr. Punch, 2 - - John Bull and Oracle of Ammon, 170 - - Jones and Waiter at Restaurant, 258 - - Judge and General after Influenza, 167 - - Knight and Dey, 4 - - Ladies discussing Plays, 6 - - Ladies discussing the Browns' Dance, 263 - - Lady meeting her Doctor, 237 - - Lady Non-Buyer Shopping, 28 - - L. C. C. Election and Influenza, 125 - - Libellous Editor and Wrathful Colonel, 112 - - Lion Plays and Sings to Goat, 169 - - Lions _v._ Kangaroos' Cricket Match, 111 - - Little Boy and the Black Page, 66 - - Little Boy pulling Gentleman's Beard, 30 - - Loafers and their Breakfast, 95 - - Lord H. practises for Smoking Concert, 35 - - Loving Mamma best, 133 - - Mahogany Piano (A), 215 - - Mark Tapley Redivivus in Snowstorm, 17 - - Mary and the Judge's Dictionary, 287 - - Master Jack and the Huntswomen, 15 - - Minister and Attendant in Vestry, 154 - - Miss Mary on Foot at the Meet, 143 - - Model's Remarks on Burne-Jones, 105 - - Mother boxing Boy's Ears, 244 - - Mourning for the Dead Ostrich, 217 - - Mr. Gooldenheim and an American, 113 - - Mr. Punch decorating Henry Irving, 238 - - Mr. Punch welcomes Miss Springtime, 182 - - Mr. Smith's Charwoman, 69 - - Musical Guest and his 'Cello, 186 - - Name to Travel under (The), 155 - - Nervous Youth and Riding Lady, 226 - - Never Dull while his Host is asleep, 126 - - New Baby (A), 36 - - No Dressmakers in Cornwall, 210 - - Nurse and Children's Pudding Slides, 203 - - Our Architect and Old Buildings, 250 - - Parish Clerk and the Curate, 21 - - Parliamentary Fancy Dress Party, 70 - - Parliamentary Indian Exhibition, 286 - - Parliamentary "Liberty Men" going aboard, 202 - - Playing Wagner during a Tête-à-tête, 119 - - Plumber Joe and the Pipes, 86 - - Poodle's Christmas Box (The), 5 - - Prehistoric Holiday Enjoyments, 190 - - Prehistoric Law Courts, 166 - - Preparing for the Parliamentary Pantomime, 22 - - Ragged Urchin finds a "Fag," 285 - - Reciter at a Penny Reading, 4 - - Rochfort at Monte Carlo, 74 - - Royal Academy Field-day, 214 - - Russian Bear and Chinese Honey, 290 - - Russian Emperor and Autocracy, 62 - - Scotch Minister playing Golf, 34 - - Scotch Native and Lady Artist, 305 - - Scotch Terriers playing Golf, 97 - - Sculptor and Successful Artist, 221 - - Sending a Hunter to the Dogs, 75 - - Sheep outside Exeter Hall, 209 - - Sir George Lewis, 189 - - Sissy's Notion of Demi-toilette, 310 - - Sleeping "like a Top," 219 - - Sleepwalking Scene in New Play, 141 - - Smith's Cold amuses Baby, 121 - - Smithson exercising his Horses, 27 - - Snobbington snubbed at the Club, 230 - - Snow-Sweepers' Rate of Pay, 101 - - Sportsman and "Seasonable Weather," 65 - - Sportsman's Superfluous Horse, 51 - - Stonebreaker's Calling (The), 173 - - Sweep in Hansom on May Day, 213 - - Sunday Visitor during Lent, 135 - - Testy Gent and Street-Boy, 93 - - Thirsty Workman (A), 193 - - Three Boys and One Apple, 191 - - Throgmorton Street Bulls and Bears, 145 - - Tibbins's Wife asked to resign, 11 - - Tommy proposing his Parent's Healths, 42 - - Tommy riding in a Sleigh, 87 - - Tory Gent and Professional Cadger, 77 - - Tourist and Foreign Hotel-keeper, 63 - - Tourist and Scotch Innkeeper, 89 - - Triton Spencer and Britannia, 134 - - Two Costers and their Wives, 177 - - Two Military Commanders (The), 218 - - Two Tramps (The), 40 - - Turf Cuttings, 253 - - Turncock (The), 100 - - Uncle Toby and Widow Wadman, 241 - - Unlucky Speech to a Bride, 306 - - Verger and Gratuities, 136 - - Wax Members in the Commons, 130 - - Whipper-in and Country Lad, 3 - - Why he didn't Back the Winner, 273 - - Why Jessie wears a Bicycle Suit, 23 - - Why Mummie has a Bare Neck, 246 - - Why she thought he Cared for her, 274 - - Woman-hater flirting (A), 288 - - Workman who tells Wife everything, 107 - - Yorkshire Gossip about a Funeral, 232 - - Young Ladies making a Snow Woman, 120 - - Young Lady wishing to "Cycle," 239 - - Young Splinter driving Nervous Old Party, 147 - - Youth eating Cheap Tarts, 171 - - Zambesi Animal Footballers, 48 - -[Illustration: FINIS] - - -LONDON: BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO., LD., PRINTERS, WHITEFRIARS. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. -108, June 29, 1895, by Various - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI, VOL. 108, JUNE 29, 1895 *** - -***** This file should be named 43981-8.txt or 43981-8.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/4/3/9/8/43981/ - -Produced by Malcolm Farmer, Lesley Halamek and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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