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diff --git a/43981-0.txt b/43981-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..09bdbc4 --- /dev/null +++ b/43981-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2386 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 43981 *** + +PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. + +VOL. 108. JUNE 29, 1895. + +_edited by Sir Francis Burnand_ + + + + +OPERATIC NOTES. + +_Monday._--Tannhäuserites disappointed. Signor VIGNAS indisposed. +_Tannhäuser's_ understudy _Faust_ put up. House good. Performance +better. PLANÇON,--once _Jupiter_ now _Mephistopheles_, the extremes +meeting in one singer,--excellent. MELBA quite the German Fräulein. +BEVIGNANI, C. B., _i.e._, "Conducting Beautifully," in the chair. + +_Tuesday._--Many other attractions, yet heart is true to Opera. M. +VICTOR MAUREL, as _Iago_, adds another leaf to his victor's wreath of +Laurel. MAGGIE MACINTYRE makes distinct advance, and sings, "O Willow, +we have missed you" most melodiously. TAM AGNO as _Misther O'Tello_, +the Irish darky singer, uncommonly powerful. RICHARD GREEN, _Montano_, +greener than ever: quite fresh. PERCY MORDY a good _Roderigo Randomo_. +The highly Pole-ish'd OLITZKA a fair representative of _Emilia_. And +this cast, with Merry MANCINELLI manipulating musicians, makes the +Opera a delight to the _fine fleur_ of the Covent Gardenian Hot House. + +[Illustration: Pagliacci.] + +_Wednesday._--House crammed to see and hear ADELINA PATTI as _Rosina_ +in the ever delightful _Barbiere di Siviglia_. ROSSINI for ever! +"Whar's your WULLIE WAGNER noo?" PATTI'S acting worth a third of the +money; her singing makes up t'other two-thirds. "Bonus" to audience in +"_Home, Sweet Home_." Wrapt attention! Here we are all of us out for +the night, so to speak, in silks and satins and jewels rare, and with +feathers and diamonds and all our war paint on, off afterwards +to routs, balls and supper-parties, and yet all hushed, +conscience-stricken as it were, in the midst of our gaiety, by sweet +voice warbling so distinctly "Home! Home! Home! Sweet Home! Wherever +(including the Opera Covent Garden) we wander (and we can't wander +when our attention is riveted on _la Diva_) there is no-oh-o-o place +like Ho-ome!" And then, second verse finished, a storm of rapturous +applause bursts over the singer! Yes! those are our sentiments. "Home! +Home!" by all means. Only--excuse us--we "_won't_ go Home Sweet Home +till morning, till daylight doth appear." But why, ADELINA +_mia_, didst thou sing at the end of the Opera that remarkably +anti-climaxious waltz of TI-TO-TUM MATTEI'S? TI-TO-TUM all very well +in his way, but not a ROSSINI. And then you sang it from a paper +in your hand as though doing penance in a music sheet? A mistake, +ADELINA, don't do it again, spin your TI-TO-TUM at a concert, but +not in ROSSINI'S _Barbiere_. BERTHA BAUERMEISTER obtained a rapturous +encore, but shook her finger at the audience as who would say "too +late! too late!" So BEVIGNANI bowed, and on we went again merrily. +PINI-CORSI good as pantaloon _Bartolo_. ANCONA a capital _Figaro_, +looking like one of _Cruikshank's_ comic characters. 'ABRY MUNDY, +fine _Basilio_ done in Italian oils; M. BONNARD, light and airy +French count, more of larker than lover. All Home-Sweet-Home-ing (or +elsewhere) about midnight, many being detained by the singers at the +Opera from getting to the SPEAKER'S "at Home," Sweet Home. + +_Thursday._--_Pagliacci_, with Miss PAULINE JORAN appearing as +_Nedda_, and playing it in first-rate style. "Gee up! _Nedda!_" +_Query._ PINI-CORSI good as _Tonio_? _Answer._ 'CORSI was. T'others +not much, but Opera still charming. Yet this evening's programme +too trying for emotional persons. _Pagliacci_, tragedy; _Cavalleria +Rusticana_ tragedy also; tragedy from beginning to end; even the +celebrated _mezzo_ very like a wail! Not kind of DRURIOLANUS to +afflict us thus. Madame BELLINCIONI, "the original _Santuzza_," +admirable. Honours easy between Madame CALVÉ and BELLINCIONI. The +latter played it first abroad; but the former had the start of her +_here_. In some of the action peculiarly characteristic of the type, +BELLINCIONI wins, not by a neck, but by two hands. CALVÉ more striking +(hands down) in her jealous agony. Signor VALENTINE FIGARO ANCONA +excellent as _Alfio_; the situation when VIGNAS, going strong as +_Turiddu_, catches _Alfio's_ ear, in order, as he says in Sicilian, +"Tu-rid-u of his presence" by subsequently killing him, more dramatic +than ever. GIULIA RAVOGLI admirable as quite the gay _Lola_ of the +Sicilian Seven Dials. After _intermezzo_ Bowing BEVIGNANI declines +_encore_. + +_Friday._--Child _Harold_ allowed to sit up late for another night. +Composer COWEN ought to sing, "I love my ALBANI with an A, because +she's Admirable." _Harold_ improveth on representation. _William +Malet_ played by RICHARD GREEN. Nice of the librettist, Sir EDWARD +MALET, to keep the memory of his ancestor Green. It must make singers +rather nervous to have the composer _vis-à-vis_ conducting his own +work; as WAGSTAFF observes, "in this instance it must have the effect +of Cowin' them." 'Nother week gone. + + * * * * * + +A SIESTA. + +How sleepy I feel! It is this beastly influenza cold and headache. The +best thing to do for a headache is to have a little doze and sleep +it off. Not a very easy thing to do in a big Paris hotel in the +afternoon. However, it is quiet enough in my room, looking on to the +courtyard, away from the noises of the Boulevard. + +Just dropping off. Crash! Only someone shutting a door. That is not an +unusual sound. In these big hotels no one closes a door, no one glides +along a passage, no one speaks in a soft voice, but everyone bangs, +and stamps, and shouts. If it is a woman, she screams. Another crash! +The man in the next room just come in. That's the Frenchman with the +awful cough. No one but a Frenchman could have a cough like that. Lie +and listen to his cough for some time. Various other doors banged. But +at last sink into unconsciousness. Good Heavens! What's happened now? +Oh, it's the American trunks being dragged out of the room on the +other side. Well, at any rate I shall not hear the American voices now +through that miserable door of communication, which, locked and bolted +ever so carefully, does not keep out sounds. But there is someone +talking there now. Of course the new comers. It must be two people. +No, twenty people. By Jove, they are Germans! And there's the +Frenchman's cough again. I shall never get to sleep. Yet somehow +the sounds get confused, I fancy the Germans are coughing and the +Frenchman is saying "_Ja, ja, ja,_" and then---- + +There, now I am awake again. Why, there's someone knocking at the +door. "_Pardon, monsieur, avez-vous reçu votre linge?_" "_Mais, oui, +je l'ai reçu hier._" "_Pardon, monsieur, il y a des faux-cols._" +"_Non, je les ai reçus tous._" "_Mais, monsieur----_" "_Mais qu'est-ce +que vous me chantez là? Laissez-moi tranquille._" "_Mais, monsieur, +le monsieur en face m'a dit que monsieur a reçu des faux-cols que +monsieur----_" Confound the collars! Get up, let in the _garçon_, +examine my collars and the collars of the _monsieur en face_, who is +just packing up, rectify the mistake of the washerwoman, and am again +alone. Now is it worth going to sleep or not? Will try once more. + +What's that? "MARIE!" It's someone shouting outside my door. How fond +they are of shouting outside my door! "MARIE! _De l'eau chaude._" I +hope she won't think it's for me, or she'll wake me up if at last +I get a chance of dropping off. Then silence. Positively, absolute +silence. The coughing Frenchman must have been suffocated; the +Germans--no, nothing could stop the Germans from talking, only they +have gone out of hearing. And the _femme de chambre_ has hurried off +to fetch that hot water for somebody, and the _garçon_ is not banging +his broom about in this _couloir_, and there is no baggage coming or +going, and no door crashing; and, in the midst of profound peace, I +think drowsily of quiet country afternoons, when one hears only the +humming of the bees, and the whispering of the aspens, and then, and +then----Hullo! What's up now? There's someone else knocking. My last +chance gone. My head is aching more than ever. "_Eh bien?_" "_C'est +l'eau chaude que vous avez commandée, Monsieur._" + + * * * * * + +THE ADVERTISEMENT FIEND. + +(_Written in the Train by an Irate Traveller._) + + ["The English landscape is being transformed into a + dumping-ground for catchpenny eyesores."--_See the "Nineteenth + Century" for June._] + +[Illustration] + + For Soap and Pill each English slope and hill + Is now a background, and the cry is, "Still + They come;" these public nuisances, that mar + The fair earth's face, like some unsightly scar. + Who possibly can care, I ask, to learn + That Juno Soap Saves Washing, or to turn + A gaze disgusted on some blatant board, + By which the devious tourist is implored + To try the Lightning Pill that never fails + To spot the Spot, or cure whatever ails? + JOHN BULL, his missus and the kids, I hope, + Do not entirely live on pills and soap. + And yet you'd surely think so, when you've scanned + The nostrum-signs that so adorn our land! + Oh! heavily I'd tax 'em, if I might! + And keep the landscape clear. Am I not right? + + [_Terminus. Exit, fuming._ + + * * * * * + +SOCIETY'S NEXT CRAZE. + +(_As foreseen by Mr. Punch's Second-sighted Clairvoyant._) + + _It is the summer of 1896--or possibly '97. The scene is a + road skirting Victoria Park, Bethnal Green, which Society's + leaders have recently discovered and appointed as the_ + rendez-vous _for the Season, and where it is now the correct + thing for all really smart people to indulge, between certain + prescribed hours, in sports and pastimes that have hitherto + been more characteristic of the masses than the classes. The + only permissible mount now is the donkey, which must be ridden + close to the tail, and referred to as a "moke." A crowd of + well-turned-out spectators arrives from the West End every + morning about eleven to watch the brilliant parade of + "Mokestrians" (as the Society journalist will already have + decided to call them). Some drive slowly up and down on + coster-barrows, attended by cockaded and disgusted grooms. + About twelve, they break up into light luncheon parties; after + which they play democratic games for half an hour or so, and + drive home on drags._ + +[Illustration] + +_Mr. Woodby-Innett_ (_to the_ Donkey Proprietor). Kept a moke for me? +I told you I should be wantin' one every mornin' now. + +_The Donkey Proprietor_ (_after consulting engagement-book_). I've +not got it down on my list, Sir. Very sorry, but the Countess of +CUMBERBACK has just booked the last for the 'ole of this week. Might +let you 'ave one by-and-by, if Sir HASCOT GOODWOOD brings his in +punctual, but I can't promise it. + +_Mr. Woodby-Inn._ That's no good; no point in ridin' after the right +time. (_To himself, as he turns away._) Nuisance! Not that I'm so keen +about a moke. Not a patch on a bike!--though it don't do to say so. +Only if I'd known this, I'd have turned up in a tall hat and frock +coat; and then I could have taken a turn on the steam-circus. Wonder +if it would be any sort of form shyin' at cocoa-nuts in tweeds and a +straw hat. Must ask some chap who knows. More puzzlin' what to put on +this year than ever! + +_Lady Ranela Hurlingham_ (_breathlessly to_ Donkey Proprietor). That's +mine, isn't it? Will you please put me up, and _promise_ me you'll +keep close behind and make him run. (_Suppliantly._) You will, _won't_ +you? + +_The Donkey Proprietor_ (_with a due sense of his own value_). Well, +I dessay I can come along presently, Lady 'URLINGHAM, and fetch 'im +a whack or two; jest now I can't, having engaged to come and 'old the +Marshiness of 'AMMERCLOTH'S on _'er_ moke; but there, you orter be +able to git along well enough by yourself now--_you_ ought! + +_Captain Sonbyrne_ (_just home on leave from India--to_ Mrs. +CHESHAM-LOWNDES). Rather an odd sort of idea this--I mean, coming all +the way out here to ride a lot of donkeys, eh? + +_Mrs. Chesham-Lowndes._ It used to be rather amusing a month ago, +before they all got used to riding so near the tail; but now they're +all so good at it, don't you know. + +_Capt. Sonb._ I went down to Battersea Park yesterday to see the +bicyclists. Not a soul there, give you my word! + +_Mrs. C.-L._ No; there _wouldn't_ be _this_ season. You see, all sorts +and conditions of people began to take it up, and it got too fearfully +common. And now moke-riding has quite cut it out. + +_Capt. Sonb._ But why ride donkeys when you can get gees? + +_Mrs. C.-L._ Oh, well, they're democratic, and cheap, and all that, +don't you know. And one really can't be _seen_ on a horse this +year--in town, at least. In the country it don't matter so much. + +_First Mokestrian_ (_to second ditto_). Hullo, old chap, so _you_'ve +taken to a moke at last, eh? How are you gettin' on? + +_Second Mokestrian._ Pretty well. I can sit on his tail all right now, +but I can't get into the way of keepin' my heels off the ground yet, +it's so beastly difficult. + +_Fragments from Spectators._ That's rather a smart barrow, Lady +BARINRAYNE'S drivin' to-day.... Who's the fellow with her, with the +paper feather in his pot-hat? Bad style, _I_ call it.... That's Lord +FREDDY FUGLEMAN--best dressed man in London. You'll see everybody +turnin' up in a paper feather in a day or two.... Lot of men seem to +be using a short clay as a cigarette-holder now, don't they?... Yes, +RODDIE RIPPINGILL introduced the idea last week, and it seems to have +caught on. [_&c., &c._] + +AFTER LUNCHEON; AT THE STEAM-CIRCUS, AND OTHER SPORTS. + +_Scraps of Small-talk._ No end sorry, Lady GWENDOLIN; been tryin' to +get you a scent-squirt everywhere; but they're all gone; such a run on +'em for Ascot, don't you know.... Thanks; it doesn't matter; only dear +Lady BUCKRAM has just thrown some red ochre down the back of my neck, +and ALGY VERE came and shot out a coloured paper thing right in my +face, and I shouldn't like to seem uncivil.... Suppose I shall see +you at Lady BRABAZON'S "Kiss in the Ring" at Bethnal Green to-morrow +afternoon?... I believe she _did_ send us cards, but we promised to +look in at a friendly lead the Duchess of DILLWATER is giving at such +a dear little public she's discovered in Whitechapel, so we may be +rather late.... You'll keep a handkerchief-throw for me if you _do_ +come on, won't you?... It will have to be an _extra_, then, I'm +afraid.... Are you goin' to Lord BALMISYDE'S eight o'clock breakfast +to-morrow? _So_ glad; I hear he's engaged five coffee-stalls, and +we're all to stand up and eat saveloys and trotters and thick +bread and butter.... Oh, I wanted to ask you, my girls have got an +invitation to a hoky-poky party the VAVASOURS are giving after the +moke-ridin' next Thursday, and I'm told it's quite wrong to eat +hoky-poky with a spoon--do you know how that is?... The only _correct_ +way, CAROLINE, is to lick it out of the glass, which requires practice +before it can be _attempted_ in public. But I hear there's quite a +pleasant boy-professor somewhere in the Mile End Road who teaches it +in a single lesson; he's _very_ moderate; his terms are only half a +guinea, which includes the hoky-poky. I'll send you his address if I +can find it.... Thanks _so_ much; the dear girls _will_ be so grateful +to you.... I _do_ think it's _quite_ too bad of Lady GERALDINE +GRABBER, she goes and sticks her card on the only decent wooden horse +in the steam-circus and says she's engaged it for the whole time, +though she hardly ever takes a round! And so many girls standing +out who can ride without getting in the _least_ giddy!... Rathah a +boundah, that fellow, if you ask me; I've _seen_ him pullin' a swing +boat in brown boots and ridin'-breeches!... How wonderfully well your +daughter throws the rings, dear Lady CORNELIA, I hear she's won three +walking-sticks and five clasp knives.... You're very kind. She is +quite clever at it; but then she's had some private coaching from a +gipsy, don't you know.... What are you going to do with yourself this +afternoon?... Oh, I'm going to the People's Palace to see the finals +played off for the Skittles Championship; bound to be a closish thing; +rather excitin', don't you know.... Ah, Duchess, you've been in form +to-day, I see, five cocoa-nuts! Can I relieve you of some of them?... +Thanks, they _are_ rather tiresome to carry; if you _could_ find my +carriage and tell the footman to keep his eye on them. [_&c. &c._]. + +_Lady Rosehugh_ (_to_ Mr. LUKE WALMER, _on the way home_). You know I +_do_ think it's _such_ a cheering sign of the times, Society getting +simpler in its tastes, and sharing the pleasures of the Dear People, +and all that; it must tend to bring all classes more _together_, don't +you know! + +_Mr. Luke Walmer._ Perhaps. Only I was thinking, I don't remember +seeing any of the Dear People _about_. + +_Lady Rosehugh._ No; somebody was telling me they had taken to playing +Polo on bicycles in Hyde Park. So extraordinary of them--a place +nobody ever goes _near_ now, you know! + + * * * * * + +THE LAST TOURNAMENT + +(OF TENNIS--IN THE NORTH). + +_By a Manchester Enthusiast of Tennis-onian Tastes and Hibernian +Sympathies._ + + ["For once in a way the Northern Tournament, which has long + boasted of being second only to Wimbledon, has not proved + an unqualified success.... The withdrawal of Messrs. PIM and + STOKER must for some time be severely felt by tournaments of + first-class importance."--_Bradford Observer._] + +AIR--"_The Battle of the Baltic._" + + Of Tennis in the North, + Sing the--more or less--renown! + But--some champions of worth + From the netted lists are flown; + The Great Brethren from the verdant courts are gone! + Once they mustered a brave band, + LAWFORD long, and LEWIS grand, + Whilst the RENSHAWS, hand o'er hand, + Smashed--and won! + + Now the other--BADDELEY--twins + Have it nearly their own way; + And they score repeated wins, + Though the ALLENS, too, can play, + And can send a swift one down the centre line. + When those twins are on the job + It is little use to lob. + Then there's BARLOW,--bet your bob + _He_ is fine! + + But the might of England flush'd + In those courts of emerald sheen. + WILFRID flew, and H. B. rush'd.-- + Oh! the wearing of the Green!-- + Where is Irish PIM, where STOKER, that great gun? + Though they smashed and volley'd madly, + The Hibernians murmured sadly, + "Faix! Auld Erin's beaten--BADDELEY + At this fun!" + + Then there's sweet Miss DOD again! + Oh, how sad it seems, and odd. + To survey the chalk-marged plain + In the absence of Miss DOD, + Who they say is wholly given up to GOLF!!! + Shall the links then lick the Court? + Tennis champions run short? + And the slaves of the Scotch sport + Jeer and scoff? + + True MAHONEY and Miss MARTIN + Did their best our sport to save; + And Miss COOPER took stout part + In mixed doubles--which was brave: + But where was Mrs. HILLYARD, "whom we knew?" + (As Ulysses said of him + In the Shades.) Oh, STOKER, PIM! + E'en bright Manchester looked dim + Missing you! + + Still, joy, Old England, raise! + For the tidings of your might! + Yet we hope that Golfing craze + Will not come, like a big blight, + And seduce our DODS and RENSHAWS any more. + For to mar the sweet content + Of our Northern Tournament, + By much time on links misspent + Were a Bore!!! + + * * * * * + +"THE SEELEY LECTURERS."--We have a wholesome dread of lecturers +generally. Perhaps the more learned the lecturer, the greater the +boredom to the listeners, specially if the latter be frivolously +inclined. But in any case, if lectures must be, then we would rather +hear a _Wise_ lecturer than a _Seeley_ one. On second thoughts, the +only entertaining Seeley Lecturer that we know is the one at the Zoo, +who discourses on, while exhibiting, the seal. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: AT A FRENCH HOTEL. + +"TELL HIM TO CLEAN YOUR BOOTS, JOHN--AND MINE TOO." + +"ALL RIGHT. ER--GARÇONG, NETTOYEZ MAY BOT, SI VOO PLAY--ET AUSSEE MAH +FAM!"] + + * * * * * + +SCRAPS FROM CHAPS. + +Mr. H. T. WADDY, the Liberal Candidate, has been telling the voters +of the Truro-Helston division of Cornwall stories about those wicked +publicans. At one of the bye elections they got out posters, which +read, "If you vote for the Liquor Traffic Bill, this house will +be closed," and displayed them in their premises. But the Radical +humorist was on the warpath, and, having provided himself with copies +of the poster, attached them to the respective doors of the prison, +the lunatic asylum, and the workhouse. This was quite excellent. But +Mr. WADDY might have carried the joke a little further, say as far as +London. There, at all events, the Bill may possibly lead to the early +closing of one public house, where business has for some time been in +a very bad way. This would of course be a source of great satisfaction +to Mr. WADDY--and his leaders. + + * * * * * + +In connection with the course of lectures given at Truro by Mrs. +THWAITES, principal of the Liverpool School of Cookery, a large +Company recently dined in the Concert Hall, at the invitation of the +directors of the Truro Gas Company, when the advantages of cooking by +gas were put to practical test. Truly there be epicures at Truro who +know what's what. Cooking by G. A. S. must have been a great success, +and Truro will look forward to a repetition of this cook's excursion. +In any case, it will have added to the list of the good things it has +seen and people it has known. + + * * * * * + +BUBBLES from the BALTIC. + +BLOWN FROM THE PIPE OF TOBY. M.P. + +[Illustration] + +_Off the Elbe, Wednesday Afternoon._--Got up steam, weighed anchor +and laid our course East by North half South for Hamburg. Don CURRIE, +whose knowledge of ocean life is extensive and peculiar, tells me no +well regulated ship puts to sea without first ascertaining the weight +of her anchor. Much interested at this peep into nautical life. +But what has the weight of the anchor to do with the voyage of the +_Tantallon Castle_, or even with the opening of the Baltic Canal? +Well, the Don is not sure. Anyhow, it is an old custom. Sailors are +superstitious, and if this preliminary to a voyage were omitted, they +would turn rusty, and might even want to throw someone overboard. +So, to prevent possible unpleasantness, the anchor is weighed--"To an +ounce," Don CURRIE says severely. + +Suppose before we turn in we shall be told how much it weighs. Wish I +knew what is the average weight of a really good anchor. So awkward if +a man comes upon you suddenly, and says "The anchor weighs just over +a ton"; or "What do you think? the anchor turns the scale at fifty-two +lbs. ten dwt." Is one too much, and is the other surprisingly little? +Haven't the slightest idea. Shall, in either case, say "Ha!" That is, +at any rate, noncommittal. + +Mr. G. will know what an anchor ought to weigh in given circumstances. +He knows everything. Shall try and find opportunity of asking him. + +_Hamburg, Friday_, 5 A.M.--"I am very fond of the German tongue," +said the Member for SARK, paying me an early morning pyjama-call. "The +language in which GOETHE wrote and HEINE sang is sacred. Still, when +it is emitted from the throats of half a score of steam-whistles, one +feels there are limits to passionate desire. Have often heard siren +song of steam-whistle in and about the Thames. That's bad enough for +the sensitive ear. But when it comes to steam-whistling in German, you +begin to understand why people sometimes commit suicide." + +For my part, I like it. Few things more charming than to be wakened at +daybreak by a steam-whistle spluttering in your larboard ear. Before +you have quite drank in the fulness of the music, another shrieks in +your starboard ear. Then, far and near, all round the harbour, +they pop off in different keys. Some angry; some whining; some +in anguishing pain; some mocking; some wailing; one ingenious +contrivance, moved by a master-hand, managing to imitate a burst +of maniacal laughter, in which, if you didn't bury your head in the +pillow, you feel you must join. + +Then there's the effect on the man on deck. Don't know who he is; +fancy he must be the Supercargo. At first shriek of the earliest +whistle, he puts on the heaviest boots (those with the clump of steel +at the toes, the wedges of iron at the heel, and fat-headed nails all +over the sole). He gives preliminary stamp precisely over your head; +all right; steam-whistle shrieks; others respond; Supercargo is off; +stamps to and fro just the length of the deck immediately over your +berth; leaps up height of two feet; drops exactly over your head; +steam-whistles go faster; Supercargo clatters off; fetches from +somewhere a plank, a rough-hewn plank studded with nails; this he +dashes on the deck over your head; got the range to a nicety; never +misses; steam-whistles go off simultaneously; maddening effect on +Supercargo; he rages to and fro, charges over your berth, banging the +plank with mad delight. You get out of your berth, dash to side; just +going to plunge over; when Quartermaster seizes you and leads you back +to cabin, locking you in. + +And SARK says he doesn't care for early morning effects in Hamburg +harbour! + +_Saturday Morning._--Steaming down Elbe, meaning to anchor at its +mouth. (Not at its elbow, as SARK told the pilot. Pilot didn't +see joke. Stared at him, and said, "_Hein?_" which made SARK look +foolish.) Last night citizens of Hamburg entertained us at dinner. +Banquet spread in what they call the Zoologischer Garten. Odd how +the way of pronouncing a familiar word grows upon some people after +dinner. + +Feeding time seven. No extra charge to the public, who are kept +outside. Excellent dinner; but general arrangement more suited to time +of Methuselah than our shorter-lived day. Sat down at 7.30; finished +by 11.30. Peculiarity of _menu_ was the interpolation of cold +speeches among the hot dishes. As soon as we swallowed our _Klare +Schildkrötensuppe_, and toyed with our _Forellen, blau mit Butter_, +Chairman rose and proposed toast to Emperor. Next came on the table +(sideways, of course) _Helgoländer hummer auf amerikanische Art_. +Before the dish was removed, another gentleman on his legs proposing +health of Mr. G. So on through the meal: first a bite and sup, then a +speech. Practice interesting, though apt to induce a coolness on +part of some of the dishes. Suppose cook calculates that gentlemen +proposing particular toast will speak for ten minutes; he takes +twenty, or, if of a fearless nature, half an hour. Where's your next +dish? Why, cold or burnt. Nor can system be recommended on score of +economy. Consequence of sitting through four hours dining off sort +of speech-sandwich, is that you begin to get hungry again. The +absent-minded man, offered an ice, says he usually begins his dinner +with soup. If two hundred follow his example, and insist upon going +all through the dinner again, it is not only embarrassing, but becomes +costly. + +_Off Jutland, Sunday._--Don CURRIE last night gave return banquet on +_Tantallon Castle_ to Hamburgers. Done in princely style. Over two +hundred sat down in brilliantly lighted saloon. Had our speeches, +as usual with _nous autres_, served with the dessert instead of as +_entrées_. Few, short, pithy, and one historical. Don CURRIE proposed +toasts to his fellow Sovereigns, the Queen of ENGLAND and Emperor +of GERMANY. Burgomaster of Hamburg toasted Mr. G., who responded in +speech, lofty in sentiment, eloquently simple, admirable in delivery. +Dog and pup, I have, during the last twenty years, heard nearly every +one of his great speeches in the House and out. Declare that in all +the qualities that go to make a perfect oration, it would be hard for +even his record to beat this impromptu speech, delivered amid such +strange surroundings. + +After dinner, a dance on deck. The waltzing and polkaing commonplace +enough. But pretty to see JOHN LENG, M.P., and the LORD OF THE ISLES do +a sword dance, whilst RAMSAY, M.P., like them, clad in national garb, +played the bagpipes. This struck the German guests more than anything. +Their papers full of it. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: _Mr. Punch_ regrets to hear (from a thoroughly +[un]reliable source) that some confusion has been caused at Keil owing +to the great physical resemblance between his representative on the +_Tantallon Castle_ and His Imperial Majesty the GERMAN EMPEROR!! In +fact, some doubts are expressed as to which of the two it was who +opened the Baltic Canal!] + + * * * * * + +_Copenhagen, Tuesday._--King and Queen of DENMARK, with rest of +Royal Family, had day out to-day. Came aboard _Tantallon Castle_ for +luncheon. + +"You talk about your Roshervilles, _cher_ TOBEE," his Majesty said, as +we smoked cigars with our coffee; "but to my mind, the place to spend +a happy day is the _Tantallon Castle_." + +"There is," I said, "the drawback of the absence of shrimps. But then +even kings cannot have everything." + +"True, TOBEE," said the grandfather of our kings-to-be and of other +people's. And for a moment the royal brow was "sicklied o'er with pale +cast of thought." + +It cleared as he caught sight of our two rival Kodakesses, who had +simultaneously got him in focus. Pretty to see King arrange his hair, +give little twist to moustache, and assume look of abstraction, just +as common people do when they suspect someone is taking a snap-shot at +them. As SARK says, "One snap of the Kodak makes the whole world kin." + +Oddly enough, there were speeches at the luncheon. Mr. G. having got +his hand (or rather his voice) in at mouth of the Elbe, delivered +two charming addresses. One in proposing health of King and Queen of +DENMARK, the other in responding to toast to his own health, given +by King. A new thing this for Old Parliamentary Hand to serve as +after-dinner speaker. Listening to his graceful, gracious phrases, +one almost regrets he should have given up so much time to Irish Land +Bills, Home Rule, and the like. + +After luncheon a stroll on deck, and, incidentally, a memorable scene. +In addition to the Kodakesses, who have taken everyone on board, +except each other, we have a regular artist with a camera. Don CURRIE, +having a moment to spare, thought he would have his likeness taken. +Got into position; operator's head under the cloth fixing him; in +another moment it would have been done. As SHAKSPEARE wrote long ago, +"Nothing escapes the eye of royal Denmark." The King, seeing what was +going on, quietly led up the Queen, and stood by her in focus; the +rest of the Royal Family, as our toast lists have it, closed in, +forming a group near the Don; and when the astonished operator removed +the cap and exposed the plate he found upon it the Royal Family +of Denmark and one simple Highland gentleman distinguished in such +company by his plain estate. + +In afternoon, Don CURRIE having entertained Kings and Queens and Crown +Princes, threw open all the gangways of the ship to the people of +Copenhagen. They flocked in by hundreds, increasing to thousands. In +endless streams they passed along the decks peering and poking their +noses into every nook and cranny. On upper deck they had a great find. +Sitting in his state cabin, with door open, was Mr. G. reading about +the Vikings in their own tongue, which he has lately added to his list +of acquired foreign languages. The Danes, men, women, and children, +stood there at gaze. Mr. G., with his back turned to door, read on, +unnoticing. Crowd growing unmanageable with ever-increasing numbers, +a handy quartermaster rigged out ropes, and made sort of handrail, +guarding either side of cabin, keeping back crowd. But it filled the +deck all through the afternoon, ever changing, but ever one in its +passionate, yet patient desire to catch a glimpse of that figure in +the cabin, that went on reading as if the world outside were a mere +wilderness. + +[Illustration: An admirable spot for a little quiet reading, although +perhaps the firing does make it a leetle difficult to concentrate +one's thoughts wholly upon the matter in hand.] + +_Wednesday._--At Kiel. Harbour and approaches filled with fleets of +all nations, every ship bristling with guns, and longing to be at +somebody. For the closing years of the nineteenth century of the +Christian Era, this is, as SARK says, most encouraging. It is the +completest achievement, the proudest thing civilisation has to show +us. + + * * * * * + +From the _Manchester Guardian:_-- + + SIR CHARLES HALLE'S CHOIR PICNIC. FINAL REHEARSAL and for + TICKETS at Messrs. &c. + +How is a picnic rehearsed? + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: HIS IDEA OF IT. + +_Native._ "IS'T NO A DAFT-LIKE PLACE THIS TAE BE TAKIN' A VIEW? +THERE'S NO NAETHING TAE BE SEEN FOR THE TREES. NOO, IF YE WAS TAE GANG +TAE THE TAP O' KNOCKCREGGAN, THAT WAD SET YE FINE! YE CAN SEE _FIVE +COONTIES_ FRAE THERE!"] + + * * * * * + +THE LEADING MOTIVE OF THE "W. O.," WITH VARIATIONS. + +_The General Idea_ (_supplied at Pall Mall_). That, although the +British Army costs (exclusive of extras) £57 per man, the War Office +is the best _bureau_ in the world. The establishments over which the +Secretary of State and the Commander-in-Chief preside, are necessarily +incapable of improvement, as they are absolutely perfect. This being +so, nothing more need, can, and should be said. + +_Commentary No. 1_ (_supplied by Printing House Square_). That the +General Idea of the War Office is ridiculous. That were Pall Mall to +be occupied by the staff of a merchant's office, the nation would be +saved millions, and the £57 (exclusive of extras) per man arrangement +would soon be regarded as an extravagant product of the wasteful past. + +_Commentary No. 2_ (_supplied by a military writer_). That civilians +cannot possibly know anything about the working of a Government +Office. As Pall Mall says it is perfect, it is to be presumed that it +is. Why not leave well alone? And as for £57 (exclusive of extras) per +man, why, is not that arrangement less than £60? + +_Commentary No. 3_ (_supplied anonymously_). Opinion of military +writer not worth the paper containing it. Look abroad. Does the +foreign service cost £57 per man, exclusive of extras? Not at all. +Then what can be done on the Continent, can, and should be done in +England. + +_Commentary No. 4_ (_supplied by the working-classes_). What! pay, £57 +(exclusive of extras) for a soldier? Much better abolish the Army, and +reduce the price of beer! + +_Commentary No. 5 and last_ (_supplied by_ Private THOMAS ATKINS). +What, I cost £57 a year, exclusive of extras! Well, all I can say is, +that precious little of the money or the perquisites gets into _my_ +pockets! Worse luck to it! + + * * * * * + +MRS. R. ON THE POLITICAL SITUATION.--"What's this I hear about Mr. G.?" +inquired Mrs. R. "That he is returning to the House in town, and giving +up his Villiers in the country?" + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: UNLUCKY SPEECHES. + +"MANY HAPPY RETURNS OF THE DAY!" SAYS THE BASHFUL JONES TO FAIR BRIDE +ON THE OCCASION OF HER THIRD MARRIAGE.] + + * * * * * + +ARS EST CELARE NATURAM. + +The German EMPEROR having expressed a wish to visit a non-existing +island at Hamburg, the tasteful citizens have constructed one by means +of wirework, canvas, plaster, and cement. + +It is stated that the SULTAN is bored by the Bosphorus. The whole +surface of the water will therefore be covered with planks, painted +green, to represent meadows. + +The KING of the BELGIANS is said to have remarked that Brussels would +be improved by a distant view of the sea. The municipal authorities +propose to cover the high ground, seen from the palace windows, +with tin-foil. It is hoped that this will give the effect of the sea +gleaming in the sunshine. + +The PRESIDENT of the French Republic having thought that it would be +a pleasing compliment to Russia if some specimens of Russian +architecture could be erected in Paris, it is believed that the +_Commission des Monuments Historiques_ will cover the Louvre with +laths and canvas, painted to represent the Kremlin, and by similar +means will transform the Champs Elysées into the Nevsky Prospect, and +will give to Notre Dame the appearance of the forts at Cronstadt. + +The KHEDIVE has expressed an opinion that the Pyramids look old +and shabby. If the English and French government will authorise the +expenditure, the whole surface of the stone will be made perfectly +smooth, will be painted and grained in imitation of oak, and will +finally be varnished. The face of the Sphinx will be washed, and will +then be used for an advertisement of an English soap. The enormous +rent paid for this will be added to the KHEDIVE'S pocket money. + +The Queen of HOLLAND is dissatisfied with the flat surroundings of the +Hague. It has been pointed out to HER MAJESTY that the city contains +a hill, called, we believe, the Vijverberg, which rises at least three +feet above the level of the sea, but she has replied that this is not +enough. It is therefore proposed to surround the whole city with a +gigantic panorama of the Bernese Oberland. + +The other day the King of SPAIN perceived a reflection of the moon in +a pond, and was much annoyed when his attendants failed to bring it to +him. It has now been arranged that all the ponds in the neighbourhood +shall contain an aluminium moon, which can be pulled out by a +specially appointed Grandee of Spain, if commanded by HIS MAJESTY. + + * * * * * + +"B-O-M-B--BOMB!" + +FRIDAY, June 21. The Duke of CAMBRIDGE resigned his +Commander-in-Chieftaincy, and the Government was suddenly scattered by +a "_Brodrick Patent Cordite Exploder_," which reduced the Secretary of +War's salary by a hundred pounds. + + "A hundred pounds! + Ha! Thou hast touched me nearly." + + _The Critic._ + + * * * * * + +The Witness Protection Society and General Legal Reform Union has been +holding its Annual General Meeting. Among the numerous objects of this +estimable body the chief appears to be to protect witnesses in law +courts from insult by counsel. Captain PARKIS, having expressed +himself as willing, was voted to the chair, and the members settled +down to have a good time. "Heated discussion," "further disturbance," +and a well-sustained fire of "protests," lent an air of gaiety to +the proceedings, which culminated in "various gentlemen abusing one +another across the table." With such excellent practice, the members +of the W. P. S. G. L. R. U. should be able to hold their own in court. +The Bar trembles. Even the Bench feels a little uneasy. + + L-CKW-D, no longer drawing, will be drawn, + Even the piercing eye of CL-RKE will quail, + C-RS-N be "spacheless," G-LL will almost fawn, + And sturdy W-BST-R falter and turn pale, + Because the witness, taking heart of grace, + Will "go for him" with candour strangely new, + And brandish, cross-examined, in his face + The W. P. S. G. L. R. U.! + + * * * * * + +"MEMORABLE SAYINGS AND HISTORICAL EVENTS."--There must now be added to +the long list Sir WILLIAM HARCOURT'S languidly jocose remark on Friday +night last. "Thank Heaven," he is reported to have said, "there is one +night on which we need not fear a crisis." And while yet the laugh +was on their lips, the bells rang, and subsequently the Four Tellers +announced what could not have been Fore-told. And who laughs last? + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: "WILLIAM! AHOY!" + +OPEN-MINDED WILLIAM (_having come ashore from "The Stormy Petrel"_). +"AVAST THERE, MESSMATES! THE STATESMAN WHO WOULD LAY HIS HANDS ON A +STEEPLE-HATTED FEMALE IN DISTRESS,--_SAVE IN THE WAY OF KE-INDNESS_," +&c., &c. + + [_The "Messmates" "avast" accordingly._ + + *** "Mr. G." withdrew his pair with Mr. VILLIERS in order to + keep "an open mind" on the Welsh Disestablishment Question.] + + * * * * * + +ROUNDABOUT READINGS. + +Messrs. ARKWRIGHT, CUNLIFFE, and WARNER have received their blues from +the Captain of the Oxford University Eleven. In other words, these +gentlemen will help to represent their University in the cricket match +against Cambridge. My congratulations, though they come late, are none +the less hearty and sincere. Can any years of success in after life +efface the memory or outrival the delight of that crowded moment of +glorious life which comes to a young man when his Captain tells him he +may get his blue? Thenceforward he is made one with the great company +of old blues, who year by year meet and exchange reminiscences, the +honour of his University is in his hands, his father becomes less +rigorous in his financial views, and his mother is confirmed in her +opinion that her darling is the brightest and best and handsomest of +created beings. These keen joys come but once in a lifetime, and only +to a few. + +[Illustration] + + * * * * * + + That man's a good bat who can time, judge, and mark right + The ball as it flies from the right hand of ARKWRIGHT. + And the Oxford men cheer as they see the stumps fall + When the Magdalen bowler delivers the ball. + "My team," said G. MORDAUNT, "requires only one lift; + If I get it the Cantabs may go and be Cunliffed." + And I think he was wise in awarding, don't you, + To this tricky left-handed young bowler his blue. + And lastly the Captain, he put in his thumb, + For he very much wanted to pull out a plum: + "I have it," he cried, like a modern Jack Horner, + And he promptly scored one as he pulled out Plum WARNER. + + * * * * * + +When I was a freshman at Cambridge (_eheu fugaces!_) I remember being +both impressed and terrified at having pointed out to me a tutor of +a certain College who was said to be the hero of a Bacchanalian +incident. The story went that the tutor, returning from some feast +with a party of friends, fell, by mischance, into one of the narrow +streams of water that flow at the side of the Cambridge streets. +Striking out vigorously, he shouted, "Save the rest, I can swim." No +doubt the story is still told, for the supposed hero of it is still +alive. Indeed, when a caricature of him was published some years ago +in _Vanity Fair_, the biography by JEHU JUNIOR closed with the words, +"He can swim." Yet the story, as affecting Mr. DASH, of Blank College, +is manifestly false, for it is older than the century. The curious may +find it in its original form in the lately published volume of S. T. +COLERIDGE'S letters. The poet relates it of an undergraduate of his +day who had taken part in a drunken revel. + + * * * * * + +But the ways of stories are at all times inscrutable. I have myself--I +confess it without a blush--deliberately invented and spread abroad a +story about a semi-public dinner. I did so merely because it struck +me as containing elements of humour. Besides, it not only might +have happened, but ought to have happened. A year or two later six +gentlemen, who had been present when the incident did not occur, +related it back to me, each one with a little special embellishment of +his own. Some of them were magistrates, most of them were fathers of +families, and all were honourable men. Yet they were all prepared to +stake their reputations on the absolute veracity of this myth; and, +what is even more curious, they retailed it to its inventor and +disseminator. + + * * * * * + +Lytham is troubled. I read that "the musical attractions at the Pier +Pavilion have been fairly patronised, and dancing on the pier is to +be resumed." This latter attraction, it appears, has not met with the +entire approval of the Lytham people, who contend that it will bring +Lytham into disrepute. "The Ratepayers' Association have had the +matter under consideration, and have disclaimed any connection with +the innovation. The directors, however, have had the question under +discussion, and have decided to continue the dancing." + + * * * * * + + Said the pier-man to the tourist, "Lo, the tide is flowing free; + Won't you come and join the dancers in our Temple by the sea? + See how mazily the Harries and the Harriets advance, + Will you won't you, will you won't you, won't you join the dance? + + "We have cornets, flutes and fiddles, and we always play in time, + And the triangles at intervals triangularly chime. + Hark, the bold bassoon is booming, every dancer gets a chance, + Come and trip it, pretty tourist, in our gay Pavilion dance." + + But the tourist paused a moment; then addressed the pier-man, + "Brute, + Such proceedings bring poor Lytham into awful disrepute, + Besides, I'm here for pleasure, and I do not want to prance. + As the rest of them are doing, in your gay _al fresco_ dance." + + And the ratepayers considered it, and angrily replied, + "There is another shore, you know, upon the other side: + Take your dancers far from England, take them bodily to France; + We disclaim the least connection, and we will not join your dance." + + * * * * * + +I note from a correspondence in _The Scotsman_ that a considerable +amount of feeling has been aroused by the erection of the new North +British Railway Hotel in Princes Street. Lord WEMYSS, apparently, has +declared not only that it will spoil the view, but also that it will +"pierce the vault of heaven." Another correspondent adds that it +will have "a Jennerised, unreposeful front." That ought to settle +the matter at once. Someone else complains of "those terrible +advertisements of drugs and fluid beef which extend in gigantic +letters along the side of the lower part of the Carlton Hill, and +which catch the unwilling eye of anyone looking from the Bridges, +from the Mound, and indeed from any part of the Old Town." What with +advertisements of drugs and fluid beef, and a new hotel possessing a +Jennerised, unreposeful front, obviously Edinburgh is in a bad way. + + * * * * * + +Mr. C. J. WALTON, of Wolverhampton, writes to the _Birmingham Daily +Gazette_ with reference to a recent appeal on behalf of the victims +of the "Liberator" frauds. "I fail entirely to see," he says, "how a +member of the Church of England can be expected to make the slightest +sacrifice (except on the principle of Christian charity), seeing that +the whole idea of the 'Liberator' scheme was to find funds for the +agitators whose sole aim was the robbery and destruction of the Church +of England as a national institution, and to get hold of its funds for +secular and non-religious purposes." Dear me, dear me, how strange, +how terrible, how muddle-headed. This poor politician has evidently +got mixed up between the Liberator and the "Liberation Society." Let +him take the hint, and send in his subscription. + + * * * * * + +OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. + +_The Convict Ship_, CLARK RUSSEL'S latest novel (CHATTO AND WINDUS), +is redolent of the sea. There is no writer, not forgetting MARRYAT, +who has such close companionship with the sea in its multiple +forms and its many moods. The temptation to transfer some of the +ever-varying pictures of the sea which sparkle in these pages is great +but must be resisted. Here is a glimpse of night at sea, chosen not +because it is best, but because it is shortest:-- + + "The mighty shadow of the ocean night was majestic and awful, + with the wild, flashful colouring of lightning in the south, + and the dustlike multitude of stars over the three glooming + spires of our ship." + +[Illustration] + +One would suppose that, sitting down to write, CLARK RUSSELL had +just come home from a long trip foreign, or at least lived his life +somewhere within sight and sound of the sea. The pity of it is, my +Baronite tells me, that this incomparable student of the sea, of ships +that go down upon the waters, and of those who people them, lies at +anchor on his sofa in an inland town. He has not looked upon the sea +for a dozen years, nor smelt its brine, nor watched a ship coming or +going. This makes the more marvellous the power of description of +sea life in all its forms here displayed. Beyond this special gift, +fascinating to some people, Mr. RUSSELL has a story to tell, a good +stout sea story, full of life and adventure, through the devious +movements of which we meet real men and one woman. Remembering that +CLARK RUSSELL now ranks as a veteran novelist, it is pleasant to bear +testimony to the fact that he seems to have saved his best wine to the +last. _The Convict Ship_ is, take it from stem to stern, the best work +he has yet turned out. + + THE B. DE B.-W. + + * * * * * + +"N.B."--Glasgow will have to look after its parks. Here is the Town +Council actually dreaming of "feuing" some of "the recently-acquired +Camphill grounds" for building purposes! These grounds belong to the +people, and adjoin the South Side Park, and "the amenity of that park +would be destroyed" by building operations. One protester says South +Side Park is the prettiest in Glasgow, and "more like the London +parks, which I regard as the finest in the kingdom." Thanks, worthy +Scot! The view of it, "as seen through the railings in the Pollokshaws +Road," reminds him of "the fine view of Hyde Park which is to be +had through the railing in that busy and lovely thoroughfare--Oxford +Street." Thanks again, thrice worthy Pict! But Oxford Street a "lovely +thoroughfare"--well! At any rate, the Glasgow Bailies when next they +are disposed to "feu," should think of the "Many" instead. + + * * * * * + +RHYME FOR RECORD-MAKERS. + + Rattle-it, rattle-it, "Biking" man; + Make us a "record" as fast as you can; + Score it, and print it as large as life, + And someone will "cut" it ere you can say knife! + + * * * * * + +GERMANY AND FRANCE AT THE THEATRES.--Capital fun at DRURIOLANUS'S +Drury Lane, by the Ducal Court Company. Farcical Comedy, HASEMANN'S +_Töchter_, played by the Ducal Creatures. How we have been going it +in the theatrical world! SARA in French! DUSE in Italian! and now the +clever people of Saxe-Coburg-and-Gotha ("You'll Go-tha and see 'em!") +to finish with. By the way, SARA not to be beaten by anybody as _La +Tosca_. Fascinating and terrible as ever. In the knife, corpse, and +candle scene, awful. Fine play, but--"Horrible! Most horrible!" Quite +comforting, when curtain descends on that Act, to remember that "it's +only purtendin'." + + * * * * * + +A singular entry was on Tuesday, June 18, made in Mr. INGLEFIELD'S +visitors' (House of Commons) book. "Mr. DISRAELI--Mr. GLADSTONE." +It was Mr. C. DISRAELI introducing as a visitor _a_ Mr. GLADSTONE of +Liverpool. A very "singular entry" indeed, had it been the ghost of +Big Ben himself! + + * * * * * + +DR. W. GRACE'S FAVOURITE DISH.--"Batter pudding." + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: "A LITTLE KNOWLEDGE," &c. + +_Sissy._ "MAMMA, DOES _DEMI-TOILETTE_ MEAN _HALF-DRESSED_, LIKE MRS. +ROBINS IS WHEN SHE COMES HERE TO DINNER?"] + + * * * * * + +MERRY MAY OUR KIEL GROW! + +(BY A WEE GERMAN LADDIE). + +AIR--"_The Keel Row!_" + + As I sailed through the Baltic, + The Baltic, the Baltic, + As I sailed through the Baltic, + I heard a German sing, O! + "Merry may our Kiel grow, + Our Kiel grow, our Kiel grow, + With ships from sea to sea, O! + + "The Vaterland reposes, + As though on beds of roses, + Whilst we hold up our noses, + Among the Naval Powers, O! + Merry may our Kiel grow, &c. + + "The Frank desires to mizzle, + His Panama's a fizzle. + BULL, in his land of drizzle, + Is jealous as cm be, O! + But merry may our Kiel grow, &c." + + * * * * * + +Mr. F. J. HORNIMAN, F.R.G.S., tea-merchant, has accepted the +invitation to oppose Mr. CAVENDISH BENTINCK, Conservative M.P., +for the united borough of Penryn, Flushing, and Falmouth. It is +anticipated, says the _Western Daily Mercury_, that he will make a +good candidate. Certainly he ought to be able to suit the constituency +to a T, unless it continues faithful to its CAVENDISH, in which case +his candidature will end in smoke. Mr. HORNIMAN, no doubt, hopes for +an early general election, because the longer he stands the greater +prospect of his getting what schoolboys call a "tannin'." + + * * * * * + +NEW SONG.--"_Goodness' Nose_," By the author of _"Beauty's Eyes"!!_ + + * * * * * + +CHATS WITH THE CHILDREN. + +A COMIC RAILWAY JOURNEY. + +_Miss Prunes-Prism._ And now, my dear charges, I trust you have +utilised the hour that has been hypothecated to enjoyment profitably. + +_Emily._ Indeed we have, dear governess. I have read to my brother and +sister a most amusing account of a railway traveller who wished to +get from Bangor to Euston in five hours, and was baffled in the +well-intentioned attempt by the clever ingenuity of the railway +companies! + +_Miss Prunes-Prism._ You refer, no doubt, to the gentleman who, having +left Bangor at 7.55, reached Llandudno at 8.5, Colwyn Bay at 8.41, +Abergele at 8.52, Rhyl at 9.2, and Chester at 9.56. + +_Margaret._ Yes, dear Miss PRUNES-PRISM; and it is at that point the +fun of the railway companies came in. Having arrived at 9.56 he found +that the train for London had already left. It was timed to depart for +the metropolis exactly one minute before the arrival of his train at +9.55! + +_Emily._ Indeed, dear governess, the story is vastly entertaining. +Then there is a similar arrangement at Crewe Junction. At that centre +of popularity a train arrives from a provincial source at 10.48, just +one minute later than the advertised time for the departure of the +London train. Those who have the framing of these traffic arrangements +must be wags of the first water! + +_Miss Prunes-Prism._ No doubt they are. And now, my dear CHARLES, +supposing your dear papa wished to get from Bangor to Euston, what +would you advise him to do? + +_Charles._ I should recommend him to walk. + +_Miss Prunes-Prism._ I think, my dear child, that your counsel would +be sound. And now, my dear charges, having enjoyed our chat, let +us return with renewed energy to the consideration of the principal +incidents of _Magna Charta_. + + * * * * * + +SERIES TO SUCCEED "THE PENNY POETS."--"The Tuppenny-Ha'penny +Poetasters." To include the lays of the Logrollerites, and the leading +aspirants to the Laureateship. + + * * * * * + +ENCORE VERSE. + +(_See Song, "The Two Graces," in last week's "Punch."_) + + [In the first innings of the Jubilee Match, "I Zingari + _versus_ Gentlemen of England," W. G. GRACE, Sen., scored 34, + and W. G. GRACE, Jun., 79]. + + Says the young W. G. to the old W. G., + "Seventy-nine, my potent pater, Seventy-nine!" + Says the old W. G. to the young W. G., + "That beats mine, sonny WILLIAM, that beats mine! + A. G. STEEL does little cricket, but he made hay of my wicket; + _How_ we used to run the score up, he and I, long ago! + But I told you you would do it, if you only dared stick _to_ it; + And we _know_, we old 'uns, WILLIAM; yes, _we_ know!" + + * * * * * + +There has been much excitement in Sheffield about the School Board. +The unsectarian party had a chance of converting a minority of one +into a majority of the same extent, owing to the retirement of one +Church member, and the serious illness of another, Father BURKE, +who was thereby prevented from attending the Board meeting for the +election of a new member. Mr. CHARLES HOBSON, however, refused to take +advantage of an accident to reverse for the next two years and a half +the policy of the Board laid down by a majority of the ratepayers, and +chose what he considered the better part of pairing with Father BURKE. +Therefore was the chairman enabled to give a casting vote in favour of +the Church candidate. But "Hobson's Choice" has not pleased his +candid friends, who think, and say, that it is "not war," nor even +magnificent. The blades must needs keep up the credit of their native +place by making cutting remarks. They come from Sheffield. + + * * * * * + +Who Threw It? + + Joy in the Church, confusion in the chapel, + And contradictory clamour everywhere! + It may be questioned if the Eris-apple + Gendered more strife than "Mr. GLADSTONE'S Pair." + + * * * * * + +[Illustration] + + "À bas the Club Sweep," 253 + + A-dress by Mr. Speaker, 232 + + Advantage of being Consistent (The), 121 + + Advertisement Extraordinary, 113 + + Advertisement Fiend (The), 301 + + Advisability of not being brought up in a Handbag (The), 107 + + After the Play, 161 + + After Whitsuntide, 274 + + "Alas, poor Yorick!" 155 + + All the Difference, 101, 189, 219 + + Anacreontics for All, 178 + + April Foolosophy, 157 + + A. R. at the R. A., 220 + + Architect to his Wife (The), 109 + + 'Arry and the Battersea Park Lady Cyclists, 285 + + 'Arry and the New Woman, 230 + + 'Arry on Derby Day, 258 + + 'Arry on the Season, 298 + + Ars est Celare Naturam, 306 + + "Art is Long----," 69 + + Artistic "Frost" (An), 87 + + As Broad as Long, 269 + + Ascent of Man (The), 277 + + Ascot, 289 + + "As Simple as Italian," 288 + + At a Yeomanry Review, 280 + + At the Banquet, Saturday, May 4, 221 + + At the Old Masters, 59 + + Awful Revelations, 143 + + + Baby's Diary, 209 + + Bail Up! 129 + + Ballad of the Unsurprised Judge, 167 + + Bar None! 97 + + Battle of Eastbourne (The), 216 + + Battle of Evesham (The), 53 + + "Better late than never," 183 + + Between the Lines, 244 + + Bismarck's Birthday, 159 + + Black Magic, 48 + + Blind Allegories, 184, 196, 208, 225 + + Bold J. H. Taylor, 298 + + "Bon jour, Philippine!" 18 + + Bonnie W. G., 29 + + Bookmakers on the Beach, 256 + + Boot-bills of Narcissus (The), 101 + + Bould Soger Boys at Islington (The), 255 + + Boys and Girls come out to--Pantomime, 35 + + "Brains for Cash," 217 + + Bubbles from the Baltic, 304 + + Bye-Election Lay (A), 154 + + + Cabinet Council Record (A), 105 + + Cabinet Secret (A), 35 + + Carmencita, 204 + + Century of Centuries (A), 241 + + Chats with the Children, 310 + + Check! 141 + + Chino-Japanese Calendar (A), 181 + + Chronicles of a Rural Parish, 5, 24, 34 + + Circling the Square, 133 + + Cock and Bull Story (A), 165 + + Coming Charge (A), 238 + + Comyns and the Goin's of Arthur (The), 37 + + Concerning a Misused Term, 177 + + Courtly Quadrupeds, 137 + + Coy Clients, 57 + + + Dandy Afghan Khan (The), 27 + + Daudet! 270 + + Death in the Cup, 24 + + Decadent Lover of Fiction (The), 66 + + Derby and Joan, 53 + + Derby Dialogue (A), 255 + + Discovery of London (The), 257 + + Disturbed! 114 + + "Divided Duty" (A), 30 + + Doing a Cathedral, 160 + + Dramatic Common Senser-ship (The), 136 + + Dramatic Family Likeness, 205 + + Dream of the New Woman (A), 17 + + Drink Question (The), 217 + + + Easter 'Oliday (An), 186 + + Easy Chair (The), 138 + + Ecuador Bondholder's Song (The), 101 + + Election Address (An), 145 + + Encore Verse, 310 + + Essence of Parliament, 71, 83, 95, 107, 119, 131, 155, 167, + 179, 191, 215, 227, 239, 251, 263, 275, 300 + + Expectedness, 232 + + + Fair Children in Grafton Street, 231 + + Farming of the Future (The), 117 + + Feeling Protest (A), 59 + + Filia pulchra, Mater pulchrior, 209 + + Fine Summer Day's Outing (A), 297 + + First Step (A), 208, 225 + + Flirtgirl's Reply (The), 153 + + "For this relief, much thanks!" 208 + + French Amnesty (The), 63 + + Friend at a Pinch (A), 215 + + From Corinto to Herne Bay, 226 + + From the Queer and Yellow Book, 58 + + "Full Speed ahead!" 135 + + + Game of Draughts (The), 149 + + Glad New Year (A), 5 + + Goose and the Eagle (The), 287 + + Graceful Tribute (The), 294 + + + Hard Frost (The), 78 + + Hard Lines, 85 + + Hard to (L. C.) C., 90 + + Hexameters to Date, 193 + + Higher Criticism (The), 136 + + Hints to Skaters on Etiquette and Deportment, 73 + + His Favourite Subject, 207 + + History repeats itself, 171 + + Hopeless Case (A), 113 + + How (of course) it is not done, 250 + + How to control and rectify Public Opinion, 177 + + How to Write an Extra Number, 9 + + + In Praise of the Triangle, 169 + + Interesting Invalid (The), 51 + + Interviewer's Vade Mecum (The), 112 + + In the Cause of Charity, 88 + + In the Court of Common Sense, 124 + + "In the Name of Profit--Togs!" 274 + + Introspective Bard (The), 154 + + Irish Astronomy, 109 + + + Jap in the China Shop (The), 195 + + John stands Aloof, 210 + + John Stuart Blackie, 123 + + + "'Key-note'-orius Mrs. Ebbsmith," 148 + + Kind Inquiry (A), 287 + + Knight of the Willow (A), 274 + + + La Diva at Daly's, 267 + + Lament (A), 285 + + Last Tournament (The), 303 + + Latest Craze (The), 193 + + Latest from Sol (The), 167 + + Laureate Society (The), 47 + + Law in Blank, 232 + + Lay of the Bimetallist (The), 129 + + Lay of the Little Minority (The), 189 + + Learned Welsh Goat (The), 90 + + Leeds Leads! 245 + + Letters from the Shades, 142 + + Letter to a Débutante, 46 + + "Light Fantastic" (The), 78 + + Lines in Pleasant Places, 57, 191 + + "Literature and Art," 118 + + Literary "Food and Feeding," 180 + + Little Change (A), 237 + + Little Mopsemann, 52, 64, 76 + + "London and Liverpool--little and good," 253 + + Lord Randolph Churchill, 59 + + Loss of Richmond Hill (The), 263 + + Loss of the Gallery (The), 217 + + + Man and the Maid, 291 + + March Thought, 112 + + May Day, 205 + + May Meeting (A), 238 + + "Meat! Meat!" 54 + + Meeting a very Old Friend, 161 + + Menu à la Mode (The), 133 + + Merry may our Kiel grow! 310 + + Minor Poetry in the Sere and Yellow Leaf, 178 + + Mismanaged Accident (A), 181 + + Missed Chance (A), 299 + + Moan in Maytime (A), 251 + + Model Remodelled (A), 273 + + Modern Buyer (The), 213 + + Modern Eclogue (A), 61 + + Modern Theatre Laugh (The), 4 + + Modes and Metals, 238 + + Mr. Punch at a Picture Show, 189 + + Mr. Punch Welcomes the New Year, 1 + + Mrs. A.'s at Home, 77 + + Mrs. Bloomer, 36 + + "Music hath Charms," 147 + + My Influenza, 137 + + My Partner, 135 + + My Petty Jayne! 29 + + My Pipe, 201 + + + Naval Architecture, 299 + + Neuralgia, 237 + + New Chivalry (The), 168 + + New Conductor (The), 198 + + New English Art Club (The), 186 + + New Gallery Queries, 227 + + New Hen (The), 133 + + New Year, 4 + + New Year Notions, 4 + + New Year's Day Dream (The), 15 + + Ninety Year! 219 + + Nocturne in Noodledom (A), 287 + + Non-Capitalist's Vade Mecum (The), 73 + + Not done yet, 174 + + Notes from a Patient's Diary, 267 + + Notices to Correspondents, 23 + + Now we're Furnished! 299 + + + Ode to a (London) "Lark," 229 + + Ode to an Overcoat, 250 + + Odyllic Force, 17 + + Of the Art of Tobogganing, 100 + + "Oh, my prophetic Soul, my Punchius!" 269 + + Old Ferryman's New Fare (The), 6 + + "Old Master's" Growl (An), 9 + + On the New Statue, 238 + + Operatic Notes, 245, 257, 269, 281, 293, 301 + + Original Aryan to the Professor (The), 136 + + Ostrich Feathers, 203 + + Our Booking-Office, 21, 29, 48, 60, 61, 77, 93, 105, 112, 129, + 154, 165, 173, 185, 193, 207, 269, 281, 293, 309 + + Our Next little Battle, 189 + + "Over!" 123 + + Overheard Fragment of a Dialogue, 24 + + O. W. Vade Mecum (The), 85 + + + Party Politics, 198 + + "Penny plain--but Oscar coloured," 36 + + Philistine Pæan (A), 222 + + "Pity the Poor Artist!" 66 + + Plea for the Ghosts (A), 73 + + Pleasures of Travel (The), 113 + + Poet and his Interviewers (The), 244 + + Polite Guide to the Civil Service (The), 10 + + Premier's Cruise (The), 246 + + Presented at Court, 205 + + "Pride and Prejudice," 174 + + Privilege of the Press (The), 231 + + Proposed Rules for the Ladies Universal Athletic Association, + 167 + + Protest from the Playground, 1 + + Proverbs by an Illustrious Foreigner on Tour, 297 + + Psalm of (Holiday) Life (A), 34 + + + Quarter-Day; or, Demand and No Supply, 150 + + Queer Queries, 47, 60, 61, 132, 204 + + Quiet Rubbers, 96 + + "Quousque Tandem?" or, One at a Time, 162 + + + Rad to Chancellor of the Exchequer, 226 + + Railway Ballads, 197 + + Rather "Bold Advertisement," 229 + + Real New Woman (The), 36 + + Reflections of a Statesman, 204 + + Re-gilding the Golden Eagle, 99 + + Regrets, 275 + + Remarkable Instance of Sagacity in Grouse, 213 + + Rencontre (A), 47 + + Retribution, 65 + + Revised Code (A), 49 + + "Richard himself again!" 12 + + "Rivals" at the A. D. C., 106 + + Robert and the County Counsells, 197 + + Robert on County Counsellors, 57 + + Robert on the Tems, 265 + + "Rouge Gagne"? 75 + + Roundabout Readings, 245, 253, 265, 277, 289, 309 + + Rus in Urbe, 292 + + + "Sale! a Sale!" (A), 297 + + Saturday Night in the Edgware Road, 172 + + Scarlet Parasol (The), 249, 261, 268 + + Scraps from Chaps, 281, 291, 303 + + Second Mount (The), 111 + + Siesta (A), 301 + + Sitting Out, 69 + + Severe Weather (The), 75 + + Sexomania, 203 + + Shakspeare revised by an Alderman, 133 + + Shazada on the Thames (The), 282 + + "Should Christmas be abolished?" 5 + + Signs of the Times, 106 + + Silent! 126 + + Sir John Franklin, 253 + + Sly Oyster (The), 78 + + Society's Next Craze, 302 + + Song of Spring (A), 203 + + Song of the Sluggard (The), 136 + + Sonnet of Sonnets (A), 105 + + Sport in Court, 3 + + Sport, Speculation, and Counsel's Opinion, 269 + + "Strange Disappearances," 195 + + Streets of London (The), 217 + + Strikes à la Mode de Paris, 205 + + Studio-Seeker's Vade Mecum (The), 157 + + Study in Ethnology (A), 192 + + Sun and Song, 279 + + Sword Excalibur (The), 39 + + + Tall Order (A), 15 + + Tall Tales of Sport and Adventure, 13, 25, 45, 49, 72, 81, 97, + 109, 125 + + Tartarin sur la Tamise, 275 + + Tenification, 118 + + Ten Little Measures (The), 83 + + That Precious Donkey! 16, 28, 40 + + That Telegram, 262 + + That Wedding Present, 33 + + Three Modes of Spending a Bank Holiday, 173 + + Thrift, 93 + + To a Bad Shilling, 133 + + To a Bantling, 203 + + To a Country Host, 250 + + To a Flirtgirl, 141 + + To a Grand Old Manns, 226 + + To a Greek at "The Orient," 161 + + To a Lady-Journalist, 281 + + To Althea, 11 + + To a Picture, 209 + + To a Pretty Girl, 191 + + To a Young Actress, 192 + + Toby to H. R. H., 81 + + To Circe, 209 + + To Corinna, 121 + + To Isista, 155 + + To Julia's Pocket, 23 + + To Lucenda, 61 + + To Mrs. Keeley, 129 + + To my Doctor in Bed, 93 + + Toning it Down, 85 + + "To Paris and Back for Nothing," 179 + + To the Griffin, 169 + + Toys' Talk, 82 + + Trade Betrayed, 201 + + Trancemogrification, 99 + + Travels in Taffyland, 21 + + Truth about the Cold Tubber (The), 120 + + Two Graces (The), 293 + + Two Ways of doing it, 228 + + + Unemployed (The), 87, 114 + + Untamed Shrew (The), 42 + + Up-to-date Ducklings (The), 222 + + + Vade Mecum for a certain Court Official, 137 + + Valediction to St. Valentine (A), 95 + + Valentyne (A), 81 + + Very Catching, 185 + + Vestryman (The), 21 + + Viewing a Hare, 48 + + Vive le Tailleur du Roi! 35 + + "Voici le Sabre de mon Père!" 63 + + + Wail of the Walworth Woter (The), 241 + + Waiting for Nasrulla, 243 + + Warm Lament (A), 132 + + Wars of the Roses (The), 282 + + "Waters, waters everywhere!" 274 + + "When Arthur first at Court," 145 + + Which is the Correct Card? 179 + + "Whitaker," 250 + + Whitewashing the Statue of Cromwell, 299 + + "Whittington Redivivus," 102 + + "Who said--'Atrocities'?" 18 + + Why dost thou Sing? 12 + + Winter Academy of 1995 (The), 6 + + Winter Wedding (A), 69 + + With what Porpoise? 153 + + Woman who wouldn't do (The), 153 + + Won't Wash! 181 + + Would-be Soldier's Vade Mecum (The), 196 + + "You came to Tea!" 10 + +LARGE ENGRAVINGS. + + Birmingham Benedick (The), 223 + + "Deeds--not Words!" 283 + + Disturbed! 115 + + "Divided Duty" (A), 31 + + Doubtful "Stayer" (A), 259 + + Easter 'Oliday (An), 187 + + "Flying Visit" (A), 295 + + "Great Cry and little Wo(o)lmer!" 247 + + Harcourt the Headsman, 271 + + John Stands Aloof, 211 + + Learned Welsh Goat (The), 91 + + "Light Fantastic" (The), 79 + + "Meat! Meat!" 55 + + New Conductor (The), 199 + + New Passenger (The), 7 + + Not done yet, 175 + + Old Crusaders (The), 234, 235 + + "Pity the Poor Artist!" 67 + + Quarter-Day; or, Demand and No Supply, 151 + + "Quousque Tandem?" or, One at a Time, 163 + + Retirement; or, The Easy Chair, 139 + + Silent! 127 + + "Whittington Redivivus," 103 + + "Who said--'Atrocities'?" 19 + + "William! Ahoy!" 307 + + Untamed Shrew; or, Wanted a Petruchio (The), 43 + + +SMALL ENGRAVINGS. + + Academy Pictures, 220 + + Actress who Laugh at Actor, 33 + + Admirer very much Cast Down, 251 + + Advice to Lady riding in Park, 267 + + Animals after Bank Holiday, 183 + + Animals after the Influenza, 142 + + Animal Spirits on Derby Day, 262 + + Anticipating Events in his New Diary, 179 + + Archie's Seat in Auntie's Lap, 291 + + 'Arry prefers riding a "Bike," 118 + + 'Arry's Ale in the Highlands, 228 + + Artist's Unsold Pictures (An), 197 + + Aunty's Fancy Ball Reminiscences, 222 + + Authoress and her Publisher, 138 + + Barmaid and Mr. Boozy, 149 + + Baron's Indelicate Wife (The), 162 + + Benevolent Gent and Tipsy Protégé, 16 + + Best Claret he'd got (The), 54 + + Billee and the Mushrooms, 161 + + Blushing to the Roots of his Eyebrows, 114 + + Bobbie and the Two Soldiers, 102 + + Boy at a Fruiterer's, 255 + + Britannia and Nasrulla Kahn, 254 + + Bull regilding the Golden Eagle, 98 + + 'Bus Driver and Ugly Policeman, 174 + + Butler's Opinion of Russian Prince, 275 + + Butler who Overlaid himself, 85 + + Cabby and Stout Lady Fare, 46 + + Cab Strike at Athens, 137 + + Clever Lady, but Ugly (A), 90 + + Common's Real Ice Rink (The), 94 + + Comparative and Superlative of "Bad," 181 + + Coster's Barrow in New Hands, 201 + + Country Girls at a London Crossing, 61 + + Country Hosier and White Ties, 106 + + Countryman chaffing Amateur Jockey, 195 + + Cover for "Le Yellow Book," 178 + + Crumbs in Jack's Bed, 270 + + Curate tutoring Parish Choir, 294 + + Cycling and Horse-riding, 207 + + Cyclist's Surprise (A), 279 + + Dentist who uses Gas (A), 47 + + Devonshire Lady's Remark on Golf, 18 + + Different Reasons for talking to Women, 59 + + Dining with a Woman with a Past, 41 + + Doctor's Opinion of the New Woman, 227 + + Doing Penance by Dining Out, 150 + + Dr. Lobster and the Sick Oyster, 50 + + Druriolanus and the Operatic Pie, 225 + + Duke of Cambridge as Drum-Major, 146 + + Earl's Daughter and Old Housekeeper, 299 + + Elephants on the Ice, 60 + + Emperor of Germany's Picture, 206 + + Emperor's Present to Bismarck (The), 158 + + England v. Australia Cricket Captains, 122 + + English and American Divorce Laws, 165 + + English Couple at French Hotel, 303 + + English-dressed Afghan Khan, 26 + + Fair Horsewoman and May Meetings, 185 + + Father's and Son's Clothing, 205 + + Female Inebriate ejected, 297 + + Fishes' Boat-race (A), 157 + + Fowls' Barn Dance (The), 72 + + Frozen Out at the Zoo, 131 + + Garrick and Sir Henry Irving, 266 + + Girls discussing Jack's Dancing, 231 + + Glacial Period. Hyde Park, 1895, 83 + + Gladstone bound for the Baltic, 278 + + Guiding the Course of the Hounds, 132 + + Hairdresser's Subscriber (A), 243 + + Harcourt's Second Mount, 110 + + Harcourt's Sword of Leadership, 38 + + Harlequin Harcourt and Sleeping Trade, 14 + + Having a Pain in the Proper Place, 73 + + Hercules Bismarck and Omphale, 242 + + Herr Maestro and Lady Amateur, 78 + + Herr Schmidt's Pleasant Evening, 198 + + Holiday Tutor and Pupils, 10 + + Hopping Prospects, 229 + + Hospital Patient thanks his Nurse, 123 + + Hunters' First Open Day, 99 + + Hunting Man's Spade for Snow, 124 + + Huntsman's Introduction to Lady, 39 + + Inebriate refuses to go Home, 82 + + Innocent Gent and "Dark" Horse, 159 + + Is Billee Moving? 129 + + Jack seeks Female Society elsewhere, 282 + + Jap and Chinaman's Keys, 194 + + Jockey Club before Mr. Punch, 2 + + John Bull and Oracle of Ammon, 170 + + Jones and Waiter at Restaurant, 258 + + Judge and General after Influenza, 167 + + Knight and Dey, 4 + + Ladies discussing Plays, 6 + + Ladies discussing the Browns' Dance, 263 + + Lady meeting her Doctor, 237 + + Lady Non-Buyer Shopping, 28 + + L. C. C. Election and Influenza, 125 + + Libellous Editor and Wrathful Colonel, 112 + + Lion Plays and Sings to Goat, 169 + + Lions _v._ Kangaroos' Cricket Match, 111 + + Little Boy and the Black Page, 66 + + Little Boy pulling Gentleman's Beard, 30 + + Loafers and their Breakfast, 95 + + Lord H. practises for Smoking Concert, 35 + + Loving Mamma best, 133 + + Mahogany Piano (A), 215 + + Mark Tapley Redivivus in Snowstorm, 17 + + Mary and the Judge's Dictionary, 287 + + Master Jack and the Huntswomen, 15 + + Minister and Attendant in Vestry, 154 + + Miss Mary on Foot at the Meet, 143 + + Model's Remarks on Burne-Jones, 105 + + Mother boxing Boy's Ears, 244 + + Mourning for the Dead Ostrich, 217 + + Mr. Gooldenheim and an American, 113 + + Mr. Punch decorating Henry Irving, 238 + + Mr. Punch welcomes Miss Springtime, 182 + + Mr. Smith's Charwoman, 69 + + Musical Guest and his 'Cello, 186 + + Name to Travel under (The), 155 + + Nervous Youth and Riding Lady, 226 + + Never Dull while his Host is asleep, 126 + + New Baby (A), 36 + + No Dressmakers in Cornwall, 210 + + Nurse and Children's Pudding Slides, 203 + + Our Architect and Old Buildings, 250 + + Parish Clerk and the Curate, 21 + + Parliamentary Fancy Dress Party, 70 + + Parliamentary Indian Exhibition, 286 + + Parliamentary "Liberty Men" going aboard, 202 + + Playing Wagner during a Tête-à-tête, 119 + + Plumber Joe and the Pipes, 86 + + Poodle's Christmas Box (The), 5 + + Prehistoric Holiday Enjoyments, 190 + + Prehistoric Law Courts, 166 + + Preparing for the Parliamentary Pantomime, 22 + + Ragged Urchin finds a "Fag," 285 + + Reciter at a Penny Reading, 4 + + Rochfort at Monte Carlo, 74 + + Royal Academy Field-day, 214 + + Russian Bear and Chinese Honey, 290 + + Russian Emperor and Autocracy, 62 + + Scotch Minister playing Golf, 34 + + Scotch Native and Lady Artist, 305 + + Scotch Terriers playing Golf, 97 + + Sculptor and Successful Artist, 221 + + Sending a Hunter to the Dogs, 75 + + Sheep outside Exeter Hall, 209 + + Sir George Lewis, 189 + + Sissy's Notion of Demi-toilette, 310 + + Sleeping "like a Top," 219 + + Sleepwalking Scene in New Play, 141 + + Smith's Cold amuses Baby, 121 + + Smithson exercising his Horses, 27 + + Snobbington snubbed at the Club, 230 + + Snow-Sweepers' Rate of Pay, 101 + + Sportsman and "Seasonable Weather," 65 + + Sportsman's Superfluous Horse, 51 + + Stonebreaker's Calling (The), 173 + + Sweep in Hansom on May Day, 213 + + Sunday Visitor during Lent, 135 + + Testy Gent and Street-Boy, 93 + + Thirsty Workman (A), 193 + + Three Boys and One Apple, 191 + + Throgmorton Street Bulls and Bears, 145 + + Tibbins's Wife asked to resign, 11 + + Tommy proposing his Parent's Healths, 42 + + Tommy riding in a Sleigh, 87 + + Tory Gent and Professional Cadger, 77 + + Tourist and Foreign Hotel-keeper, 63 + + Tourist and Scotch Innkeeper, 89 + + Triton Spencer and Britannia, 134 + + Two Costers and their Wives, 177 + + Two Military Commanders (The), 218 + + Two Tramps (The), 40 + + Turf Cuttings, 253 + + Turncock (The), 100 + + Uncle Toby and Widow Wadman, 241 + + Unlucky Speech to a Bride, 306 + + Verger and Gratuities, 136 + + Wax Members in the Commons, 130 + + Whipper-in and Country Lad, 3 + + Why he didn't Back the Winner, 273 + + Why Jessie wears a Bicycle Suit, 23 + + Why Mummie has a Bare Neck, 246 + + Why she thought he Cared for her, 274 + + Woman-hater flirting (A), 288 + + Workman who tells Wife everything, 107 + + Yorkshire Gossip about a Funeral, 232 + + Young Ladies making a Snow Woman, 120 + + Young Lady wishing to "Cycle," 239 + + Young Splinter driving Nervous Old Party, 147 + + Youth eating Cheap Tarts, 171 + + Zambesi Animal Footballers, 48 + +[Illustration: FINIS] + + +LONDON: BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO., LD., PRINTERS, WHITEFRIARS. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. +108, June 29, 1895, by Various + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 43981 *** |