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diff --git a/4385-h/4385-h.htm b/4385-h/4385-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..18c5009 --- /dev/null +++ b/4385-h/4385-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,3758 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<HTML> +<HEAD> + +<META HTTP-EQUIV="Content-Type" CONTENT="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1"> + +<TITLE> +The Project Gutenberg E-text of As a Matter of Course, by Annie Payson Call +</TITLE> + +<STYLE TYPE="text/css"> +BODY { color: Black; + background: White; + margin-right: 10%; + margin-left: 10%; + font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; + text-align: justify } + +P {text-indent: 4% } + +P.noindent {text-indent: 0% } + +P.poem {text-indent: 0%; + margin-left: 10%; + font-size: small } + +P.letter {text-indent: 0%; + font-size: small ; + margin-left: 10% ; + margin-right: 10% } + +P.footnote {font-size: small ; + text-indent: 0% ; + margin-left: 0% ; + margin-right: 0% } + +P.transnote {font-size: small ; + text-indent: 0% ; + margin-left: 0% ; + margin-right: 0% } + +P.intro {font-size: smaller ; + text-indent: 0% ; + margin-left: 10% ; + margin-right: 10% } + +P.finis { font-size: larger ; + text-align: center ; + text-indent: 0% ; + margin-left: 0% ; + margin-right: 0% } + +</STYLE> + +</HEAD> + +<BODY> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of As a Matter of Course, by Annie Payson Call + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: As a Matter of Course + +Author: Annie Payson Call + +Posting Date: July 26, 2009 [EBook #4385] +Release Date: August, 2003 +First Posted: January 20, 2002 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK AS A MATTER OF COURSE *** + + + + +Produced by Steve Solomon + + + + + +</pre> + + +<BR><BR> + +<H1 ALIGN="center"> +AS A MATTER OF COURSE +</H1> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +BY +</H3> + +<H2 ALIGN="center"> +ANNIE PAYSON CALL +</H2> + +<BR> + +<H4 ALIGN="center"> +Author of "Power Through Repose," "The Freedom of Life,"<BR> +"Nerves and Common Sense," Etc. +</H4> + +<BR><BR> + +<H5 ALIGN="center"> +1894 +</H5> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +PREFACE. +</H3> + +<P CLASS="intro"> +THE aim of this book is to assist towards the removal of nervous +irritants, which are not only the cause of much physical disease, +but materially interfere with the best possibilities of usefulness +and pleasure in everyday life. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<H2 ALIGN="center"> +CONTENTS. +</H2> + +<TABLE ALIGN="center" WIDTH="80%"> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">I. </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap01">INTRODUCTION</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">II. </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap02">PHYSICAL CARE</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">III. </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap03">AMUSEMENTS</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">IV. </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap04">BRAIN IMPRESSIONS</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">V. </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap05">THE TRIVIALITY OF TRIVIALITIES</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">VI. </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap06">MOODS</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">VII. </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap07">TOLERANCE</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">VIII. </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap08">SYMPATHY</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">IX. </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap09">OTHERS</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">X. </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap10">ONE'S SELF</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XI. </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap11">CHILDREN</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XII. </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap12">ILLNESS</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XIII. </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap13">SENTIMENT VERSUS SENTIMENTALITY</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XIV. </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap14">PROBLEMS</A></TD> +</TR> + +<TR> +<TD ALIGN="right" VALIGN="top">XV. </TD> +<TD ALIGN="left" VALIGN="top"> +<A HREF="#chap15">SUMMARY</A></TD> +</TR> + +</TABLE> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap01"></A> +<H1 ALIGN="center"> +AS A MATTER OF COURSE +</H1> + +<BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +I. +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +INTRODUCTION. +</H3> + +<P> +IN climbing a mountain, if we know the path and take it as a matter +of course, we are free to enjoy the beauties of the surrounding +country. If in the same journey we set a stone in the way and +recognize our ability to step over it, we do so at once, and save +ourselves from tripping or from useless waste of time and thought as +to how we might best go round it. +</P> + +<P> +There are stones upon stones in every-day life which might be +stepped over with perfect ease, but which, curiously enough, are +considered from all sides and then tripped upon; and the result is a +stubbing of the moral toes, and a consequent irritation of the +nervous system. Or, if semi-occasionally one of these stones is +stepped over as a matter of course, the danger is that attention is +immediately called to the action by admiring friends, or by the +person himself, in a way so to tickle the nervous system that it +amounts to an irritation, and causes him to trip over the next +stone, and finally tumble on his nose. Then, if he is not wise +enough to pick himself up and walk on with the renewed ability of +stepping over future stones, he remains on his nose far longer than +is either necessary or advisable. +</P> + +<P> +These various stones in the way do more towards keeping a nervous +system in a chronic state of irritation than is imagined. They are +what might perhaps be called the outside elements of life. These +once normally faced, cease to exist as impediments, dwindle away, +and finally disappear altogether. +</P> + +<P> +Thus we are enabled to get nearer the kernel, and have a growing +realization of life itself. +</P> + +<P> +Civilization may give a man new freedom, a freedom beyond any power +of description or conception, except to those who achieve it, or it +may so bind him body and soul that in moments when he recognizes his +nervous contractions he would willingly sell his hope of immortality +to be a wild horse or tiger for the rest of his days. +</P> + +<P> +These stones in the way are the result of a perversion of +civilization, and the cause of much contraction and unnecessary +suffering. +</P> + +<P> +There is the physical stone. If the health of the body were attended +to as a matter of course, as its cleanliness is attended to by those +of us who are more civilized, how much easier life might be! Indeed, +the various trippings on, and endeavors to encircle, this physical +stone, raise many phantom stones, and the severity of the fall is +just as great when one trips over a stone that is not there. Don +Quixote was quite exhausted when he had been fighting the windmills. +One recognizes over and over the truth spoken by the little girl +who, when reprimanded by her father for being fretful, said: "It +isn't me, papa, it's that banana." +</P> + +<P> +There is also the over-serious stone; and this, so far from being +stepped over or any effort made to encircle it, is often raised to +the undue dignity of a throne, and not rested upon. It seems to +produce an inability for any sort of recreation, and a scorn of the +necessity or the pleasure of being amused. Every one will admit that +recreation is one swing of life's pendulum; and in proportion to the +swing in that direction will be the strength of the swing in the +other direction, and vice versa. +</P> + +<P> +One kind of stone which is not the least among the self-made +impediments is the microscopic faculty which most of us possess for +increasing small, inoffensive pebbles to good-sized rocks. A quiet +insistence on seeing these pebbles in their natural size would +reduce them shortly to a pile of sand which might be easily smoothed +to a level, and add to the comfort of the path. Moods are stones +which not only may be stepped over, but kicked right out of the path +with a good bold stroke. And the stones of intolerance may be +replaced by an open sympathy,—an ability to take the other's point +of view,—which will bring flowers in the path instead. +</P> + +<P> +In dealing with ourselves and others there are stones innumerable, +if one chooses to regard them, and a steadily decreasing number as +one steps over and ignores. In our relations with illness and +poverty, so-called, the ghosts of stones multiply themselves as the +illness or the poverty is allowed to be a limit rather than a guide. +And there is nothing that exorcises all such ghosts more truly than +a free and open intercourse with little children. +</P> + +<P> +If we take this business of slipping over our various nerve-stones +as a matter of course, and not as a matter of sentiment, we get a +powerful result just as surely as we get powerful results in +obedience to any other practical laws. +</P> + +<P> +In bygone generations men used to fight and kill one another for the +most trivial cause. As civilization increased, self-control was +magnified into a virtue, and the man who governed himself and +allowed his neighbor to escape unslain was regarded as a hero. +Subsequently, general slashing was found to be incompatible with a +well-ordered community, and forbearance in killing or scratching or +any other unseemly manner of attacking an enemy was taken as a +matter of course. +</P> + +<P> +Nowadays we do not know how often this old desire to kill is +repressed, a brain-impression of hatred thereby intensified, and a +nervous irritation caused which has its effect upon the entire +disposition. It would hardly be feasible to return to the killing to +save the irritation that follows repression; civilization has taken +us too far for that. But civilization does not necessarily mean +repression. There are many refinements of barbarity in our +civilization which might be dropped now, as the coarser expressions +of such states were dropped by our ancestors to enable them to reach +the present stage of knives and forks and napkins. And inasmuch as +we are farther on the way towards a true civilization, our progress +should be more rapid than that of our barbaric grandfathers. An +increasingly accelerated progress has proved possible in scientific +research and discovery; why not, then, in our practical dealings +with ourselves and one another? +</P> + +<P> +Does it not seem likely that the various forms of nervous +irritation, excitement, or disease may result as much from the +repressed savage within us as from the complexity of civilization? +The remedy is, not to let the savage have his own way; with many of +us, indeed, this would be difficult, because of the generations of +repression behind us. It is to cast his skin, so to speak, and rise +to another order of living. +</P> + +<P> +Certainly repression is only apparent progress. No good physician +would allow it in bodily disease, and, on careful observation, the +law seems to hold good in other phases of life. +</P> + +<P> +There must be a practical way by which these stones, these survivals +of barbaric times, may be stepped over and made finally to +disappear. +</P> + +<P> +The first necessity is to take the practical way, and not the +sentimental. Thus true sentiment is found, not lost. +</P> + +<P> +The second is to follow daily, even hourly, the process of stepping +over until it comes to be indeed a matter of course. So, little by +little, shall we emerge from this mass of abnormal nervous +irritation into what is more truly life itself. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap02"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +II. +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +PHYSICAL CARE. +</H3> + +<P> +REST, fresh air, exercise, and nourishment, enough of each in +proportion to the work done, are the material essentials to a +healthy physique. Indeed, so simple is the whole process of physical +care, it would seem absurd to write about it at all. The only excuse +for such writing is the constant disobedience to natural laws which +has resulted from the useless complexity of our civilization. +</P> + +<P> +There is a current of physical order which, if one once gets into +it, gives an instinct as to what to do and what to leave undone, as +true as the instinct which leads a man to wash his hands when they +need it, and to wash them often enough so that they never remain +soiled for any length of time, simply because that state is +uncomfortable to their owner. Soap and water are not unpleasant to +most of us in their process of cleansing; we have to deny ourselves +nothing through their use. To keep the digestion in order, it is +often necessary to deny ourselves certain sensations of the palate +which are pleasant at the time. So by a gradual process of not +denying we are swung out of the instinctive nourishment-current, and +life is complicated for us either by an amount of thought as to what +we should or should not eat, or by irritations which arise from +having eaten the wrong food. It is not uncommon to find a mind taken +up for some hours in wondering whether that last piece of cake will +digest. We can easily see how from this there might be developed a +nervous sensitiveness about eating which would prevent the +individual from eating even the food that is nourishing. This last +is a not unusual form of dyspepsia,—a dyspepsia which keeps itself +alive on the patient's want of nourishment. +</P> + +<P> +Fortunately the process of getting back into the true food-current +is not difficult if one will adopt it The trouble is in making the +bold plunge. If anything is eaten that is afterwards deemed to have +been imprudent, let it disagree. Take the full consequences and bear +them like a man, with whatever remedies are found to lighten the +painful result. Having made sure through bitter experience that a +particular food disagrees, simply do not take it again, and think +nothing about it. It does not exist for you. A nervous resistance to +any sort of indigestion prolongs the attack and leaves, a +brain-impression which not only makes the same trouble more liable +to recur, but increases the temptation to eat forbidden fruit. Of +course this is always preceded by a full persuasion that the food is +not likely to disagree with us now simply because it did before. And +to some extent, this is true. Food that will bring pain and +suffering when taken by a tired stomach, may prove entirely +nourishing when the stomach is rested and ready for it. In that +case, the owner of the stomach has learned once for all never to +give his digestive apparatus work to do when it is tired. Send a +warm drink as a messenger to say that food is coming later, give +yourself a little rest, and then eat your dinner. The fundamental +laws of health in eating are very simple; their variations for +individual needs must be discovered by each for himself. +</P> + +<P> +"But," it may be objected, "why make all this fuss, why take so much +thought about what I eat or what I do not eat?" The special thought +is simply to be taken at first to get into the normal habit, and as +a means of forgetting our digestion just as we forget the washing of +our hands until we are reminded by some discomfort; whereupon we +wash them and forget again. Nature will not allow us to forget. When +we are not obeying her laws, she is constantly irritating us in one +way or another. It is when we obey, and obey as a matter of course, +that she shows herself to be a tender mother, and helps us to a real +companionship with her. +</P> + +<P> +Nothing is more amusing, nothing could appeal more to Mother +Nature's sense of humor, than the various devices for exercise which +give us a complicated self-consciousness rather than a natural +development of our physical powers. Certain simple exercises are +most useful, and if the weather is so inclement that they cannot be +taken in the open air, it is good to have a well-ventilated hall. +Exercise with others, too, is stimulating, and more invigorating +when there is air enough and to spare. But there is nothing that +shows the subjective, self-conscious state of this generation more +than the subjective form which exercise takes. Instead of games and +play or a good vigorous walk in the country, there are endless +varieties of physical culture, most of it good and helpful if taken +as a means to an end, but almost useless as it is taken as an end in +itself; for it draws the attention to one's self and one's own +muscles in a way to make the owner serve the muscle instead of the +muscle being made to serve the owner. The more physical exercise can +be simplified and made objective, the more it serves its end. To +climb a high mountain is admirable exercise, for we have the summit +as an end, and the work of climbing is steadily objective, while we +get the delicious effect of a freer circulation and all that it +means. There might be similar exercises in gymnasiums, and there +are, indeed, many exercises where some objective achievement is the +end, and the training of a muscle follows as a matter of course. +There is the exercise-instinct; we all have it the more perfectly as +we obey it. If we have suffered from a series of disobediences, it +is a comparatively easy process to work back into obedience. +</P> + +<P> +The fresh-air-instinct is abnormally developed with some of us, but +only with some. The popular fear of draughts is one cause of its +loss. The fear of a draught will cause a contraction, the +contraction will interfere with the circulation, and a cold is the +natural result. +</P> + +<P> +The effect of vitiated air is well known. The necessity, not only +for breathing fresh air when we are quiet, but for exercising in the +open, grows upon us as we see the result. To feel the need is to +take the remedy, as a matter of course. +</P> + +<P> +The rest-instinct is most generally disobeyed, most widely needed, +and obedience to it would bring the most effective results. A +restful state of mind and body prepares one for the best effects +from exercise, fresh air, and nourishment. This instinct is the more +disobeyed because with the need for rest there seems to come an +inability to take it, so that not only is every impediment +magnified, but imaginary impediments are erected, and only a decided +and insistent use of the will in dropping everything that +interferes, whether real or imaginary, will bring a whiff of a +breeze from the true rest-current. Rest is not always silence, but +silence is always rest; and a real silence of the mind is known by +very few. Having gained that, or even approached it, we are taken by +the rest-wind itself, and it is strong enough to bear our full +weight as it swings us along to renewed life and new strength for +work to come. +</P> + +<P> +The secret is to turn to silence at the first hint from nature; and +sleep should be the very essence of silence itself. +</P> + +<P> +All this would be very well if we were free to take the right amount +of rest, fresh air, exercise, and nourishment; but many of us are +not. It will not be difficult for any one to call to mind half a +dozen persons who impede the good which might result from the use of +these four necessities simply by complaining that they cannot have +their full share of either. Indeed, some of us may find in ourselves +various stones of this sort stopping the way. To take what we can +and be thankful, not only enables us to gain more from every source +of health, but opens the way for us to see clearly how to get more. +This complaint, however, is less of an impediment than the whining +and fussing which come from those who are free to take all four in +abundance, and who have the necessity of their own especial physical +health so much at heart that there is room to think of little else. +These people crowd into the various schools of physical culture by +the hundred, pervade the rest-cures, and are ready for any new +physiological fad which may arise, with no result but more physical +culture, more rest-cure, and more fads. Nay, there is sometimes one +other result,—disease. That gives them something tangible to work +for or to work about. But all their eating and breathing and +exercising and resting does not bring lasting vigorous health, +simply because they work at it as an end, of which self is the +centre and circumference. +</P> + +<P> +The sooner our health-instinct is developed, and then taken as a +matter of course, the sooner can the body become a perfect servant, +to be treated with true courtesy, and then forgotten. Here is an +instinct of our barbarous ancestry which may be kept and refined +through all future phases of civilization. This instinct is natural, +and the obedience to it enables us to gain more rapidly in other, +higher instincts which, if our ancestors had at all, were so +embryonic as not to have attained expression. +</P> + +<P> +Nourishment, fresh air, exercise, rest,—so far as these are not +taken simply and in obedience to the natural instinct, there arise +physical stones in the way, stones that form themselves into an +apparently insurmountable wall. There is a stile over that wall, +however, if we will but open our eyes to see it. This stile, +carefully climbed, will enable us to step over the few stones on the +other side, and follow the physical path quite clearly. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap03"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +III. +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +AMUSEMENTS. +</H3> + +<P> +THE ability to be easily and heartily amused brings a wholesome +reaction from intense thought or hard work of any kind which does +more towards keeping the nervous system in a normal state than +almost anything else of an external kind. +</P> + +<P> +As a Frenchman very aptly said: "This is all very well, all this +study and care to relieve one's nerves; but would it not be much +simpler and more effective to go and amuse one's self?" The same +Frenchman could not realize that in many countries amusement is +almost a lost art. Fortunately, it is not entirely lost; and the +sooner it is regained, the nearer we shall be to health and +happiness. +</P> + +<P> +One of the chief impediments in the way of hearty amusement is +over-seriousness. There should be two words for "serious," as there +are literally two meanings. There is a certain intense form of +taking the care and responsibility of one's own individual +interests, or the interests of others which are selfishly made one's +own, which leads to a surface-seriousness that is not only a chronic +irritation of the nervous system, but a constant distress to those +who come under this serious care. This is taking life <I>au grand +serieux</I>. The superficiality of this attitude is striking, and would +be surprising could the sufferer from such seriousness once see +himself (or more often it is herself) in a clear light. It is quite +common to call such a person over-serious, when in reality he is not +serious enough. He or she is laboring under a sham seriousness, as +an actor might who had such a part to play and merged himself in the +character. These people are simply exaggerating their own importance +to life, instead of recognizing life's importance to them. An +example of this is the heroine of Mrs. Ward's "Robert Elsmere," who +refused to marry because the family could not get on without her; +and when finally she consented, the family lived more happily and +comfortably than when she considered herself their leader. If this +woman's seriousness, which blinded her judgment, had been real +instead of sham, the state of the case would have been quite clear +to her; but then, indeed, there would have been no case at all. +</P> + +<P> +When seriousness is real, it is never intrusive and can never be +overdone. It is simply a quiet, steady obedience to recognized laws +followed as a matter of course, which must lead to a clearer +appreciation of such laws, and of our own freedom in obeying them. +Whereas with a sham seriousness we dwell upon the importance of our +own relation to the law, and our own responsibility in forcing +others to obey. With the real, it is the law first, and then my +obedience. With the sham, it is myself first, and then the laws; and +often a strained obedience to laws of my own making. +</P> + +<P> +This sham seriousness, which is peculiarly a New England trait, but +may also be found in many other parts of the world, is often the +perversion of a strong, fine nature. It places many stones in the +way, most of them phantoms, which, once stepped over and then +ignored, brings to light a nature nobly expansive, and a source of +joy to all who come in contact with it. But so long as the +"seriousness" lasts, it is quite incompatible with any form of real +amusement. +</P> + +<P> +For the very essence of amusement is the child-spirit. The child +throws himself heartily and spontaneously into the game, or whatever +it may be, and forgets that there is anything else in the world, for +the time being. Children have nothing else to remember. We have the +advantage of them there, in the pleasure of forgetting and in the +renewed strength with which we can return to our work or care, in +consequence. Any one who cannot play children's games with children, +and with the same enjoyment that children have, does not know the +spirit of amusement. For this same spirit must be taken into all +forms of amusement, especially those that are beyond the childish +mind, to bring the delicious reaction which nature is ever ready to +bestow. This is almost a self-evident truth; and yet so confirmed is +man in his sham maturity that it is quite common to see one look +with contempt, and a sense of superiority which is ludicrous, upon +another who is enjoying a child's game like a child. The trouble is +that many of us are so contracted in and oppressed by our own +self-consciousness that open spontaneity is out of the question and +even inconceivable. The sooner we shake it off, the better. When the +great philosopher said, "Except ye become as little children," he +must have meant it all the way through in spirit, if not in the +letter. It certainly is the common-sense view, whichever way we look +at it, and proves as practical as walking upon one's feet. +</P> + +<P> +With the spontaneity grows the ability to be amused, and with that +ability comes new power for better and really serious work. +</P> + +<P> +To endeavor with all your might to win, and then if you fail, not to +care, relieves a game of an immense amount of unnecessary nervous +strain. A spirit of rivalry has so taken hold of us and become such +a large stone in the way, that it takes wellnigh a reversal of all +our ideas to realize that this same spirit is quite compatible with +a good healthy willingness that the other man should win—if he can. +Not from the goody-goody motive of wishing your neighbor to +beat,—no neighbor would thank you for playing with him in that +spirit,—but from a feeling that you have gone in to beat, you have +done your best, as far as you could see, and where you have not, you +have learned to do better. The fact of beating is not of paramount +importance. Every man should have his chance, and, from your +opponent's point of view, provided you were as severe on him as you +knew how to be at the time, it is well that he won. You will see +that it does not happen again. +</P> + +<P> +Curious it is that the very men or women who would scorn to play a +child's game in a childlike spirit, will show the best known form of +childish fretfulness and sheer naughtiness in their way of taking a +game which is considered to be more on a level with the adult mind, +and so rasp their nerves and the nerves of their opponents that +recreation is simply out of the question. +</P> + +<P> +Whilst one should certainly have the ability to enjoy a child's game +with a child and like a child, that not only does not exclude the +preference which many, perhaps most of us may have for more mature +games, it gives the power to play those games with a freedom and +ease which help to preserve a healthy nervous system. +</P> + +<P> +If, however, amusement is taken for the sole purpose of preserving a +normal nervous system, or for returning to health, it loses its zest +just in proportion. If, as is often the case, one must force one's +self to it at first, the love of the fun will gradually come as one +ignores the first necessity of forcing; and the interest will come +sooner if a form of amusement is taken quite opposite to the daily +work, a form which will bring new faculties and muscles into action. +</P> + +<P> +There is, of course, nothing that results in a more unpleasant state +of ennui than an excess of amusement. After a certain amount of +careless enjoyment, life comes to a deadly stupid standstill, or the +forms of amusement grow lower. In either case the effect upon the +nervous system is worse even than over-work. +</P> + +<P> +The variety in sources of amusement is endless, and the ability to +get amusement out of almost anything is delightful, as long as it is +well balanced. +</P> + +<P> +After all, our amusement depends upon the way in which we take our +work, and our work, again, depends upon the amusement; they play +back and forth into one another's hands. +</P> + +<P> +The man or the woman who cannot get the holiday spirit, who cannot +enjoy pure fun for the sake of fun, who cannot be at one with a +little child, not only is missing much in life that is clear +happiness, but is draining his nervous system, and losing his better +power for work accordingly. +</P> + +<P> +This anti-amusement stone once removed, the path before us is +entirely new and refreshing. +</P> + +<P> +The power to be amused runs in nations. But each individual is in +himself a nation, and can govern himself as such; and if he has any +desire for the prosperity of his own kingdom, let him order a public +holiday at regular intervals, and see that the people enjoy it. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap04"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +IV. +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +BRAIN IMPRESSIONS. +</H3> + +<P> +THE mere idea of a brain clear from false impressions gives a sense +of freedom which is refreshing. +</P> + +<P> +In a comic journal, some years ago, there was a picture of a man in +a most self-important attitude, with two common mortals in the +background gazing at him. "What makes him stand like that?" said +one. "Because," answered the other, "that is his own idea of +himself." The truth suggested in that picture strikes one aghast; +for in looking about us we see constant examples of attitudinizing +in one's own idea of one's self. There is sometimes a feeling of +fright as to whether I am not quite as abnormal in my idea of myself +as are those about me. +</P> + +<P> +If one could only get the relief of acknowledging ignorance of one's +self, light would be welcome, however given. In seeing the truth of +an unkind criticism one could forget to resent the spirit; and what +an amount of nerve-friction might be saved! Imagine the surprise of +a man who, in return for a volley of abuse, should receive thanks +for light thrown upon a false attitude. Whatever we are enabled to +see, relieves us of one mistaken brain-impression, which we can +replace by something more agreeable. And if, in the excitement of +feeling, the mistake was exaggerated, what is that to us? All we +wanted was to see it in quality. As to degree, that lessens in +proportion as the quality is bettered. Fortunately, in living our +own idea of ourselves, it is only ourselves we deceive, with +possible exceptions in the case of friends who are so used to us, or +so over-fond of us, as to lose the perspective. +</P> + +<P> +There is the idea of humility,—an obstinate belief that we know we +are nothing at all, and deserve no credit; which, literally +translated, means we know we are everything, and deserve every +credit. There is the idea, too, of immense dignity, of freedom from +all self-seeking and from all vanity. But it is idle to attempt to +catalogue these various forms of private theatricals; they are +constantly to be seen about us. +</P> + +<P> +It is with surprise unbounded that one hears another calmly assert +that he is so-and-so or so-and-so, and in his next action, or next +hundred actions, sees that same assertion entirely contradicted. +Daily familiarity with the manifestations of mistaken brain-impressions +does not lessen one's surprise at this curious personal contradiction; +it gives one an increasing desire to look to one's self, and see how +far these private theatricals extend in one's own case, and to throw +off the disguise, as far as it is seen, with a full acknowledgment +that there may be—probably is—an abundance more of which to rid +one's self in future. There are many ways in which true openness in +life, one with another, would be of immense service; and not the +least of these is the ability gained to erase false brain-impressions. +</P> + +<P> +The self-condemnatory brain-impression is quite as pernicious as its +opposite. Singularly enough, it goes with it. One often finds +inordinate self-esteem combined with the most abject condemnation of +self. One can be played against the other as a counter-irritant; +but this only as a process of rousing, for the irritation of either +brings equal misery. I am not even sure that as a rousing process it +is ever really useful. To be clear of a mistaken brain-impression, a +man must recognize it himself; and this recognition can never be +brought about by an unasked attempt of help from another. It is +often cleared by help asked and given; and perhaps more often by +help which is quite involuntary and unconscious. One of the greatest +points in friendly diplomacy is to be open and absolutely frank so +far as we are asked, but never to go beyond. At least, in the +experience of many, that leads more surely to the point where no +diplomacy is needed, which is certainly the point to be aimed at in +friendship. It is trying to see a friend living his own idea of +himself, and to be obliged to wait until he has discovered that he +is only playing a part. But this very waiting may be of immense +assistance in reducing our own moral attitudinizing. +</P> + +<P> +How often do we hear others or find ourselves complaining of a fault +over and over again! "I know that is a fault of mine, and has been +for years. I wish I could get over it." "I know that is a fault of +mine,"—one brain-impression; "it has been for years,"—a dozen or +more brain-impressions, according to the number of years; until we +have drilled the impression of that fault in, by emphasizing it over +and over, to an extent which daily increases the difficulty of +dropping it. +</P> + +<P> +So, if we have the habit of unpunctuality, and emphasize it by +deploring it, it keeps us always behind time. If we are +sharp-tongued, and dwell with remorse on something said in the past, +it increases the tendency in the future. +</P> + +<P> +The slavery to nerve habit is a well-known physiological fact; but +nerve habit may be strengthened negatively as well as positively. +When this is more widely recognized, and the negative practice +avoided, much will have been done towards freeing us from our +subservience to mistaken brain-impressions. +</P> + +<P> +Let us take an instance: unpunctuality-for example, as that is a +common form of repetition. If we really want to rid ourselves of the +habit, suppose every time we are late we cease to deplore it; make a +vivid mental picture of ourselves as being on time at the next +appointment; then, with the how and the when clearly impressed upon +our minds, there should be an absolute refusal to imagine ourselves +anything but early. Surely that would be quite as effective as a +constant repetition of the regret we feel at being late, whether +this is repeated aloud to others, or only in our own minds. As we +place the two processes side by side, the latter certainly has the +advantage, and might be tried, until a better is found. +</P> + +<P> +Of course we must beware of getting an impression of promptness +which has no ground in reality. It is quite possible for an +individual to be habitually and exasperatingly late, with all the +air and innocence of unusual punctuality. +</P> + +<P> +It would strike us as absurd to see a man painting a house the color +he did not like, and go on painting it the same color, to show +others and himself that which he detested. Is it not equally absurd +for any of us, through the constant expression of regret for a +fault, to impress the tendency to it more and more upon the brain? +It is intensely sad when the consciousness of evil once committed +has so impressed a man with a sense of guilt as to make him steadily +undervalue himself and his own powers. +</P> + +<P> +Here is a case where one's own idea of one's self is seventy-five +per cent below par; and a gentle and consistent encouragement in +raising that idea is most necessary before par is reached. +</P> + +<P> +And par, as I understand it, is simple freedom from any fixed idea +of one's self, either good or bad. +</P> + +<P> +If fixed impressions of one's self are stones in the way, the same +certainly holds good with fixed impressions of others. Unpleasant +brain-impressions of others are great weights, and greater +impediments in the way of clearing our own brains. Suppose +So-and-so had such a fault yesterday; it does not follow that he has +not rid himself of at least part of it to-day. Why should we hold +the brain-impression of his mistake, so that every time we look at +him we make it stronger? He is not the gainer thereby, and we +certainly are the losers. Repeated brain-impressions of another's +faults prevent our discerning his virtues. We are constantly +attributing to him disagreeable motives, which arise solely from our +idea of him, and of which he is quite innocent. Not only so, but our +mistaken impressions increase his difficulty in rising to the best +of himself. For any one whose temperament is in the least sensitive +is oppressed by what he feels to be another's idea of him, until he +learns to clear himself of that as well as of other brain-impressions. +</P> + +<P> +It is not uncommon to hear one go over and over a supposed injury, +or even small annoyances from others, with the reiterated assertion +that he fervently desires to forget such injury or annoyances. This +fervent desire to forgive and forget expresses itself by a repeated +brain-impression of that which is to be forgiven; and if this is so +often repeated in words, how many times more must it be repeated +mentally! Thus, the brain-impression is increased until at last +forgetting seems out of the question. And forgiving is impossible +unless one can at the same time so entirely forget the ill-feeling +roused as to place it beyond recall. +</P> + +<P> +Surely, if we realized the force and influence of unpleasant +brain-impressions, it would be a simple matter to relax and let them +escape, to be replaced by others that are only pleasant It cannot be +that we enjoy the discomfort of the disagreeable impressions. +</P> + +<P> +And yet, so curiously perverted is human nature that we often hear a +revolting story told with the preface, "Oh, I can't bear to think of +it!" And the whole story is given, with a careful attention to +detail which is quite unnecessary, even if there were any reason for +telling the story at all, and generally concluded with a repetition +of the prefatory exclamation. How many pathetic sights are told of, +to no end but the repetition of an unpleasant brain-impression. How +many past experiences, past illnesses, are gone over and over, which +serve the same worse than useless purpose,—that of repeating and +emphasizing the brain-impression. +</P> + +<P> +A little pain is made a big one by persistent dwelling upon it; what +might have been a short pain is sometimes lengthened for a lifetime. +Similarly, an old pain is brought back by recalling a brain-impression. +</P> + +<P> +The law of association is well known. We all know how familiar +places and happenings will recall old feelings; we can realize this +at any time by mentally reviving the association. By dwelling on the +pain we had yesterday we are encouraging it to return to-morrow. By +emphasizing the impression of an annoyance of to-day we are making +it possible to suffer beyond expression from annoyances to come; and +the annoyances, the pains, the disagreeable feelings will find their +old brain-grooves with remarkable rapidity when given the ghost of a +chance. +</P> + +<P> +I have known more than one case where a woman kept herself ill by +the constant repetition, to others and to herself, of a nervous +shock. A woman who had once been frightened by burglars refused to +sleep for fear of being awakened by more burglars, thus increasing +her impression of fear; and of course, if she slept at all, she was +liable at any time to wake with a nervous start. The process of +working herself into nervous prostration through this constant, +useless repetition was not slow. +</P> + +<P> +The fixed impressions of preconceived ideas in any direction are +strangely in the way of real freedom. It is difficult to catch new +harmonies with old ones ringing in our ears; still more difficult +when we persist in listening at the same time to discords. +</P> + +<P> +The experience of arguing with another whose preconceived idea is so +firmly fixed that the argument is nothing but a series of circles, +might be funny if it were not sad; and it often is funny, in spite +of the sadness. +</P> + +<P> +Suppose we should insist upon retaining an unpleasant +brain-impression, only when and so long as it seemed necessary in +order to bring a remedy. That accomplished, suppose we dropped it on +the instant. Suppose, further, that we should continue this process, +and never allow ourselves to repeat a disagreeable brain-impression +aloud or mentally. Imagine the result. Nature abhors a vacuum; +something must come in place of the unpleasantness; therefore way is +made for feelings more comfortable to one's self and to others. +</P> + +<P> +Bad feelings cause contraction, good ones expansion. Relax the +muscular contraction; take a long, free breath of fresh air, and +expansion follows as a matter of course. Drop the brain-contraction, +take a good inhalation of whatever pleasant feeling is nearest, and +the expansion is a necessary consequence. +</P> + +<P> +As we expand mentally, disagreeable brain-impressions, that in +former contracted states were eclipsed by greater ones, will be +keenly felt, and dropped at once, for the mere relief thus obtained. +</P> + +<P> +The healthier the brain, the more sensitive it is to false +impressions, and the more easily are they dropped. +</P> + +<P> +One word by way of warning. We never can rid ourselves of an +uncomfortable brain-impression by saying, "I will try to think +something pleasant of that disagreeable man." The temptation, too, +is very common to say to ourselves clearly, "I will try to think +something pleasant," and then leave "of that disagreeable man" a +subtle feeling in the background. The feeling in the background, +however unconscious we may be of it, is a strong +brain-impression,—all the stronger because we fail to recognize +it,—and the result of our "something pleasant" is an insidious +complacency at our own magnanimous disposition. Thus we get the +disagreeable brain-impression of another, backed up by our agreeable +brain-impression of ourselves, both mistaken. Unless we keep a sharp +look-out, we may here get into a snarl from which extrication is +slow work. Neither is it possible to counteract an unpleasant +brain-impression by something pleasant but false. We must call a +spade a spade, but not consider it a component part of the man who +handles it, nor yet associate the man with the spade, or the spade +with the man. When we drop it, so long as we drop it for what it is +worth, which is nothing in the case of the spade in question, we +have dropped it entirely. If we try to improve our brain-impression +by insisting that a spade is something better and pleasanter, we are +transforming a disagreeable impression to a mongrel state which +again brings anything but a happy result. +</P> + +<P> +Simply to refuse all unpleasant brain-impressions, with no effort or +desire to recast them into something that they are not, seems to be +the only clear process to freedom. Not only so, but whatever there +might have been pleasant in what seemed entirely unpleasant can more +truly return as we drop the unpleasantness completely. It is a good +thing that most of us can approach the freedom of such a change in +imagination before we reach it in reality. So we can learn more +rapidly not to hamper ourselves or others by retaining disagreeable +brain-impressions of the present, or by recalling others of the past. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap05"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +V. +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE TRIVIALITY OF TRIVIALITIES. +</H3> + +<P> +LIFE is clearer, happier, and easier for us as things assume their +true proportions. I might better say, as they come nearer in +appearance to their true proportions; for it seems doubtful whether +any one ever reaches the place in this world where the sense of +proportion is absolutely normal. Some come much nearer than others; +and part of the interest of living is the growing realization of +better proportion, and the relief from the abnormal state in which +circumstances seem quite out of proportion in their relation to one +another. +</P> + +<P> +Imagine a landscape-painter who made his cows as large as the +houses, his blades of grass waving above the tops of the trees, and +all things similarly disproportionate. Or, worse, imagine a disease +of the retina which caused a like curious change in the landscape +itself wherein a mountain appeared to be a mole-hill, and a +mole-hill a mountain. +</P> + +<P> +It seems absurd to think of. And, yet, is not the want of a true +sense of proportion in the circumstances and relations of life quite +as extreme with many of us? It is well that our physical sense +remains intact. If we lost that too, there would seem to be but +little hope indeed. Now, almost the only thing needed for a rapid +approach to a more normal mental sense of proportion is a keener +recognition of the want. But this want must be found first in +ourselves, not in others. There is the inclination to regard our own +life as bigger and more important than the life of any one about us; +or the reverse attitude of bewailing its lack of importance, which +is quite the same. In either case our own life is dwelt upon first. +Then there is the immediate family, after that our own especial +friends,—all assuming a gigantic size which puts quite out of the +question an occasional bird's-eye view of the world in general. Even +objects which might be in the middle distance of a less extended +view are quite screened by the exaggerated size of those which seem +to concern us most immediately. +</P> + +<P> +One's own life is important; one's own family and friends are +important, very, when taken in their true proportion. One should +surely be able to look upon one's own brothers and sisters as if +they were the brothers and sisters of another, and to regard the +brothers and sisters of another as one's own. Singularly, too, real +appreciation of and sympathy with one's own grows with this broader +sense of relationship. In no way is this sense shown more clearly +than by a mother who has the breadth and the strength to look upon +her own children as if they belonged to some one else, and upon the +children of others as if they belonged to her. But the triviality of +magnifying one's own out of all proportion has not yet been +recognized by many. +</P> + +<P> +So every trivial happening in our own lives or the lives of those +connected with us is exaggerated, and we keep ourselves and others +in a chronic state of contraction accordingly. +</P> + +<P> +Think of the many trifles which, by being magnified and kept in the +foreground, obstruct the way to all possible sight or appreciation +of things that really hold a more important place. The cook, the +waitress, various other annoyances of housekeeping; a gown that does +not suit, the annoyances of travel, whether we said the right thing +to so-and-so, whether so-and-so likes us or does not like +us,—indeed, there is an immense army of trivial imps, and the +breadth of capacity for entertaining these imps is so large in some +of us as to be truly encouraging; for if the domain were once +deserted by the imps, there remains the breadth, which must have the +same capacity for holding something better. Unfortunately, a long +occupancy by these miserable little offenders means eventually the +saddest sort of contraction. What a picture for a new Gulliver!—a +human being overwhelmed by the imps of triviality, and bound fast to +the ground by manifold windings of their cobweb-sized thread. +</P> + +<P> +This exaggeration of trifles is one form of nervous disease. It +would be exceedingly interesting and profitable to study the various +phases of nervous disease as exaggerated expressions of perverted +character. They can be traced directly and easily in many cases. If +a woman fusses about trivialities, she fusses more when she is +tired. The more fatigue, the more fussing; and with a persistent +tendency to fatigue and fussing it does not take long to work up or +down to nervous prostration. From this form of nervous excitement +one never really recovers, except by a hearty acknowledgment of the +trivialities as trivialities, when, with growing health, there is a +growing sense of true proportion. +</P> + +<P> +I have seen a woman spend more attention, time, and nerve-power on +emphasizing the fact that her hands were all stained from the dye on +her dress than a normal woman would take for a good hour's work. As +she grew better, this emphasizing of trivialities decreased, but, of +course, might have returned with any over-fatigue, unless it had +been recognized, taken at its worth, and simply dropped. Any one can +think of example after example in his own individual experience, +when he has suffered unnecessary tortures through the regarding of +trifling things, either by himself or by some one near him. With +many, the first instance will probably be to insist, with emphasis +and some feeling, that they are <I>not</I> trivialities. +</P> + +<P> +Trivialities have their importance <I>when given their true proportion</I>. +The size of a triviality is often exaggerated as much by neglect as +by an undue amount of attention. When we do what we can to amend an +annoyance, and then think no more about it until there appears +something further to do, the saving of nervous force is very great. +Yet, so successful have these imps of triviality come to be in their +rule of human nature that the trivialities of the past are +oftentimes dwelt upon with as much earnestness as if they belonged +to the present. +</P> + +<P> +The past itself is a triviality, except in its results. Yet what an +immense screen it is sometimes to any clear understanding or +appreciation of the present! How many of us have listened over and +over to the same tale of past annoyances, until we wonder how it can +be possible that the constant repetition is not recognized by the +narrator! How many of us have been over and over in our minds past +troubles, little and big, so that we have no right whatever to feel +impatient when listening to such repetitions by others! Here again +we have, in nervous disease, the extreme of a common trait in +humanity. With increased nervous fatigue there is always an increase +of the tendency to repetition. Best drop it before it gets to the +fatigue stage, if possible. +</P> + +<P> +Then again there are the common things of life, such as dressing and +undressing, and the numberless every-day duties. It is possible to +distort them to perfect monstrosities by the manner of dwelling upon +them. Taken as a matter of course, they are the very triviality of +trivialities, and assume their place without second thought. +</P> + +<P> +When life seems to get into such a snarl that we despair of +disentangling it, a long journey and change of human surroundings +enable us to take a distant view, which not uncommonly shows the +tangle to be no tangle at all. Although we cannot always go upon a +material journey, we can change the mental perspective, and it is +this adjustment of the focus which brings our perspective into truer +proportions. Having once found what appears to be the true focus, +let us be true to it. The temptations to lose one's focus are many, +and sometimes severe. When temporarily thrown off our balance, the +best help is to return at once, without dwelling on the fact that we +have lost the focus longer than is necessary to find it again. After +that, our focus is better adjusted and the range steadily expanded. +It is impossible for us to widen the range by thinking about it; +holding the best focus we know in our daily experience does that +Thus the proportions arrange themselves; we cannot arrange the +proportions. Or, what is more nearly the truth, the proportions are +in reality true, to begin with. As with the imaginary eye-disease, +which transformed the relative sizes of the component parts of a +landscape, the fault is in the eye, not in the landscape; so, when +the circumstances of life are quite in the wrong proportion to one +another, in our own minds, the trouble is in the mental sight, not +in the circumstances. +</P> + +<P> +There are many ways of getting a better focus, and ridding one's +self of trivial annoyances. One is, to be quiet; get at a good +mental distance. Be sure that you have a clear view, and then hold +it. Always keep your distance; never return to the old stand-point +if you can manage to keep away. +</P> + +<P> +We may be thankful if trivialities annoy us as trivialities. It is +with those who have the constant habit of dwelling on them without +feeling the discomfort that a return to freedom seems impossible. +</P> + +<P> +As one comes to realize, even in a slight degree, the triviality of +trivialities, and then forget them entirely in a better idea of true +proportion, the sense of freedom gained is well worth working for. +It certainly brings the possibility of a normal nervous system much +nearer. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap06"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +VI. +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +MOODS. +</H3> + +<P> +RELIEF from the mastery of an evil mood is like fresh air after +having been several hours in a close room. +</P> + +<P> +If one should go to work deliberately to break up another's nervous +system, and if one were perfectly free in methods of procedure, the +best way would be to throw upon the victim in rapid sequence a long +series of the most extreme moods. The disastrous result could be +hastened by insisting that each mood should be resisted as it +manifested itself, for then there would be the double strain,—the +strain of the mood, and the strain of resistance. It is better to +let a mood have its way than to suppress it. The story of the man +who suffered from varicose veins and was cured by the waters of +Lourdes, only to die a little later from an affection of the heart +which arose from the suppression of the former disease, is a good +illustration of the effect of mood-suppression. In the case cited, +death followed at once; but death from repeated impressions of moods +resisted is long drawn out, and the suffering intense, both for the +patient and for his friends. +</P> + +<P> +The only way to drop a mood is to look it in the face and call it by +its right name; then by persistent ignoring, sometimes in one way, +sometimes in another, finally drop it altogether. It takes a looser +hold next time, and eventually slides off entirely. To be sure, +over-fatigue, an attack of indigestion, or some unexpected contact +with the same phase in another, may bring back the ghost of former +moods. These ghosts may even materialize, unless the practice of +ignoring is at once referred to; but they can ultimately be routed +completely. +</P> + +<P> +A great help in gaining freedom from moods is to realize clearly +their superficiality. Moods are deadly, desperately serious things +when taken seriously and indulged in to the full extent of their +power. They are like a tiny spot directly in front of the eye. We +see that, and that only. It blurs and shuts out everything else. We +groan and suffer and are unhappy and wretched, still persistently +keeping our eye on the spot, until finally we forget that there is +anything else in the world. In mind and body we are impressed by +that and that alone. Thus the difficulty of moving off a little +distance is greatly increased, and liberation is impossible until we +do move away, and, by a change of perspective, see the spot for what +it really is. +</P> + +<P> +Let any one who is ruled by moods, in a moment when he is absolutely +free from them, take a good look at all past moody states, and he +will see that they come from nothing, go to nothing, and, are +nothing. Indeed, that has been and is often done by the moody +person, with at the same time an unhappy realization that when the +moods are on him, they are as real as they are unreal when he is +free. To treat a mood as a good joke when you are in its clutches, +is simply out of the question. But to say, "This now is a mood. Come +on, do your worst; I can stand it as long as you can," takes away +all nerve-resistance, until the thing has nothing to clutch, and +dissolves for want of nourishment. If it proves too much for one at +times, and breaks out in a bad expression of some sort, a quick +acknowledgment that you are under the spell of a bad mood, and a +further invitation to come on if it wants to, will loosen the hold +again. +</P> + +<P> +If the mood is a melancholy one, speak as little as possible under +its influence; go on and do whatever there is to be done, not +resisting it in any way, but keep busy. +</P> + +<P> +This non-resistance can, perhaps, be better illustrated by taking, +instead of a mood, a person who teases. It is well known that the +more we are annoyed, the more our opponent teases; and that the +surest and quickest way of freeing ourselves is not to be teased. We +can ignore the teaser externally with an internal irritation which +he sees as clearly as if we expressed it. We can laugh in such a way +that every sound of our own voice proclaims the annoyance we are +trying to hide. It is when we take his words for what they are +worth, and go with him, that the wind is taken out of his sails, and +he stops because there is no fun in it. The experience with a mood +is quite parallel, though rather more difficult at first, for there +is no enemy like the enemies in one's self, no teasing like the +teasing from one's self. It takes a little longer, a little heartier +and more persistent process of non-resistance to cure the teasing +from one's own nature. But the process is just as certain, and the +freedom greater in result. +</P> + +<P> +Why is it not clear to us that to set our teeth, clench our hands, +or hold any form of extreme tension and mistaken control, doubles, +trebles, quadruples the impression of the feeling controlled, and +increases by many degrees its power for attacking us another time? +Persistent control of this kind gives a certain sort of strength. It +might be called sham strength, for it takes it out of one in other +ways. But the control that comes from non-resistance brings a +natural strength, which not only steadily increases, but spreads on +all sides, as the growth of a tree is even in its development. +</P> + +<P> +"If a man takes your cloak, give him your coat also; if one compel +you to go a mile, go with him twain." "Love your enemies, do good to +them that hurt you, and pray for them that despitefully use you." +Why have we been so long in realizing the practical, I might say the +physiological, truth of this great philosophy? Possibly because in +forgiving our enemies we have been so impressed with the idea that +it was our enemies we were forgiving. If we realized that following +this philosophy would bring us real freedom, it would be followed +steadily as a matter of course, and with no more sense that we +deserved credit for doing a good thing than a man might have in +walking out of prison when his jailer opened the door. So it is with +our enemies the moods. +</P> + +<P> +I have written heretofore of bad moods only. But there are moods and +moods. In a degree, certainly, one should respect one's moods. Those +who are subject to bad moods are equally subject to good ones, and +the superficiality of the happier modes is just as much to be +recognized as that of the wretched ones. In fact, in recognizing the +shallowness of our happy moods, we are storing ammunition for a +healthy openness and freedom from the opposite forms. With the full +realization that a mood is a mood, we can respect it, and so +gradually reach a truer evenness of life. Moods are phases that we +are all subject to whilst in the process of finding our balance; the +more sensitive and finer the temperament, the more moods. The rhythm +of moods is most interesting, and there is a spice about the change +which we need to give relish to these first steps towards the art of +living. +</P> + +<P> +It is when their seriousness is exaggerated that they lose their +power for good and make slaves of us. The seriousness may be equally +exaggerated in succumbing to them and in resisting them. In either +case they are our masters, and not our slaves. They are steady +consumers of the nervous system in their ups and downs when they +master us; and of course retain no jot of that fascination which is +a good part of their very shallowness, and brings new life as we +take them as a matter of course. Then we are swung in their rhythm, +never once losing sight of the point that it is the mood that is to +serve us, and not we the mood. +</P> + +<P> +As we gain freedom from our own moods, we are enabled to respect +those of others and give up any endeavor to force a friend out of +his moods, or even to lead him out, unless he shows a desire to be +led. Nor do we rejoice fully in the extreme of his happy moods, +knowing the certain reaction. +</P> + +<P> +Respect for the moods of others is necessary to a perfect freedom +from our own. In one sense no man is alone in the world; in another +sense every man is alone; and with moods especially, a man must be +left to work out his own salvation, unless he asks for help. So, as +he understands his moods, and frees himself from their mastery, he +will find that moods are in reality one of Nature's gifts, a sort of +melody which strengthens the harmony of life and gives it fuller +tone. +</P> + +<P> +Freedom from moods does not mean the loss of them, any more than +non-resistance means allowing them to master you. It is +non-resistance, with the full recognition of what they are, that +clears the way. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap07"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +VII. +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +TOLERANCE. +</H3> + +<P> +WHEN we are tolerant as a matter of course, the nervous system is +relieved of almost the worst form of persistent irritation it could +have. +</P> + +<P> +The freedom of tolerance can only be appreciated by those who have +known the suffering of intolerance and gained relief. +</P> + +<P> +A certain perspective is necessary to a recognition of the full +absurdity of intolerance. One of the greatest absurdities of it is +evident when we are annoyed and caused intense suffering by our +intolerance of others, and, as a consequence, blame others for the +fatigue or illness which follows. However mistaken or blind other +people may be in their habits or their ideas, it is entirely our +fault if we are annoyed by them. The slightest blame given to +another in such a case, on account of our suffering, is quite out of +place. +</P> + +<P> +Our intolerance is often unconscious. It is disguised under one form +of annoyance or another, but when looked full in the face, it can +only be recognized as intolerance. +</P> + +<P> +Of course, the most severe form is when the belief, the action, or +habit of another interferes directly with our own selfish aims. That +brings the double annoyance of being thwarted and of rousing more +selfish antagonism. +</P> + +<P> +Where our selfish desires are directly interfered with, or even +where an action which we know to be entirely right is prevented, +intolerance only makes matters worse. If expressed, it probably +rouses bitter feelings in another. Whether we express it openly or +not, it keeps us in a state of nervous irritation which is often +most painful in its results. Such irritation, if not extreme in its +effect, is strong enough to keep any amount of pure enjoyment out of +life. +</P> + +<P> +There may be some one who rouses our intolerant feelings, and who +may have many good points which might give us real pleasure and +profit; but they all go for nothing before our blind, restless +intolerance. +</P> + +<P> +It is often the case that this imaginary enemy is found to be a +friend and ally in reality, if we once drop the wretched state of +intolerance long enough to see him clearly. +</P> + +<P> +Yet the promptest answer to such an assertion will probably be, +"That may be so in some cases, but not with the man or woman who +rouses my intolerance." +</P> + +<P> +It is a powerful temptation, this one of intolerance, and takes hold +of strong natures; it frequently rouses tremendous tempests before +it can be recognized and ignored. And with the tempest comes an +obstinate refusal to call it by its right name, and a resentment +towards others for rousing in us what should not have been there to +be roused. +</P> + +<P> +So long as a tendency to anything evil is in us, it is a good thing +to have it roused, recognized, and shaken off; and we might as +reasonably blame a rock, over which we stumble, for the bruises +received, as blame the person who rouses our intolerance for the +suffering we endure. +</P> + +<P> +This intolerance, which is so useless, seems strangely absurd when +it is roused through some interference with our own plans; but it is +stranger when we are rampant against a belief which does not in any +way interfere with us. +</P> + +<P> +This last form is more prevalent in antagonistic religious beliefs +than in anything else. The excuse given would be an earnest desire +for the salvation of our opponent. But who ever saved a soul through +an ungracious intolerance of that soul's chosen way of believing or +living? The danger of loss would seem to be all on the other side. +</P> + +<P> +One's sense of humor is touched, in spite of one's self, to hear a +war of words and feeling between two Christians whose belief is +supposed to be founded on the axiom, "Judge not, that ye be not +judged." +</P> + +<P> +Without this intolerance, argument is interesting, and often +profitable. With it, the disputants gain each a more obstinate +belief in his own doctrines; and the excitement is steadily +destructive to the best health of the nervous system. +</P> + +<P> +Again, there is the intolerance felt from various little ways and +habits of others,—habits which are comparatively nothing in +themselves, but which are monstrous in their effect upon a person +who is intolerant of them. +</P> + +<P> +One might almost think we enjoyed irritated nerves, so persistently +do we dwell upon the personal peculiarities of others. Indeed, there +is no better example of biting off one's own nose than the habit of +intolerance. It might more truly be called the habit of irritating +one's own nervous system. +</P> + +<P> +Having recognized intolerance as intolerance, having estimated it at +its true worth, the next question is, how to get rid of it. The +habit has, not infrequently, made such a strong brain-impression +that, in spite of an earnest desire to shake it off, it persistently +clings. +</P> + +<P> +Of course, the soil about the obnoxious growth is loosened the +moment we recognize its true quality. That is a beginning, and the +rest is easier than might be imagined by those who have not tried +it. +</P> + +<P> +Intolerance is an unwillingness that others should live in their own +way, believe as they prefer to, hold personal habits which they +enjoy or are unconscious of, or interfere in any degree with our +ways, beliefs, or habits. +</P> + +<P> +That very sense of unwillingness causes a contraction of the nerves +which is wasteful and disagreeable. The feeling rouses the +contraction, the contraction more feeling; and so the Intolerance is +increased in cause and in effect. The immediate effect of being +willing, on the contrary, is, of course, the relaxation of such +contraction, and a healthy expansion of the nerves. +</P> + +<P> +Try the experiment on some small pet form of intolerance. Try to +realize what it is to feel quite willing. Say over and over to +yourself that you are quite willing So-and-so should make that +curious noise with his mouth. Do not hesitate at the simplicity of +saying the words to yourself; that brings a much quicker effect at +first. By and by we get accustomed to the sensation of willingness, +and can recall it with less repetition of words, or without words at +all. When the feeling of nervous annoyance is roused by the other, +counteract it on the instant by repeating silently: "I am quite +willing you should do that,—do it again." The man or woman, +whoever he or she may be, is quite certain to oblige you! There will +be any number of opportunities to be willing, until by and by the +willingness is a matter of course, and it would not be surprising if +the habit passed entirely unnoticed, as far as you are concerned. +</P> + +<P> +This experiment tried successfully on small things can be carried to +greater. If steadily persisted in, a good fifty per cent of wasted +nervous force can be saved for better things; and this saving of +nervous force is the least gain which comes from a thorough riddance +of every form of intolerance. +</P> + +<P> +"But," it will be objected, "how can I say I am willing when I am +not?" +</P> + +<P> +Surely you can see no good from the irritation of unwillingness; +there can be no real gain from it, and there is every reason for +giving it up. A clear realization of the necessity for willingness, +both for our own comfort and for that of others, helps us to its +repetition in words. The words said with sincere purpose, help us to +the feeling, and so we come steadily into clearer light. +</P> + +<P> +Our very willingness that a friend should go the wrong way, if he +chooses, gives us new power to help him towards the right. If we are +moved by intolerance, that is selfishness; with it will come the +desire to force our friend into the way which we consider right. +Such forcing, if even apparently successful, invariably produces a +reaction on the friend's part, and disappointment and chagrin on our +own. +</P> + +<P> +The fact that most great reformers were and are actuated by the very +spirit of intolerance, makes that scorning of the ways of others +seem to us essential as the root of all great reform. Amidst the +necessity for and strength in the reform, the petty spirit of +intolerance intrudes unnoticed. But if any one wants to see it in +full-fledged power, let him study the family of a reformer who have +inherited the intolerance of his nature without the work to which it +was applied. +</P> + +<P> +This intolerant spirit is not indispensable to great reforms; but it +sometimes goes with them, and is made use of, as intense selfishness +may often be used, for higher ends. The ends might have been +accomplished more rapidly and more effectually with less selfish +instruments. But man must be left free, and if he will not offer +himself as an open channel to his highest impulses, he is used to +the best advantage possible without them. +</P> + +<P> +There is no finer type of a great reformer than Jesus Christ; in his +life there was no shadow of intolerance. From first to last, he +showed willingness in spirit and in action. In upbraiding the +Scribes and Pharisees he evinced no feeling of antagonism; he merely +stated the facts. The same firm calm truth of assertion, carried out +in action, characterized his expulsion of the money-changers from +the temple. When he was arrested, and throughout his trial and +execution, it was his accusers who showed the intolerance; they sent +out with swords and staves to take him, with a show of antagonism +which failed to affect him in the slightest degree. +</P> + +<P> +Who cannot see that, with the irritated feeling of intolerance, we +put ourselves on the plane of the very habit or action we are so +vigorously condemning? We are inviting greater mistakes on our part. +For often the rouser of our selfish antagonism is quite blind to his +deficiencies, and unless he is broader in his way than we are in +ours, any show of intolerance simply blinds him the more. +Intolerance, through its indulgence, has come to assume a monstrous +form. It interferes with all pleasure in life; it makes clear, open +intercourse with others impossible; it interferes with any form of +use into which it is permitted to intrude. In its indulgence it is a +monstrosity,—in itself it is mean, petty, and absurd. +</P> + +<P> +Let us then work with all possible rapidity to relax from +contractions of unwillingness, and become tolerant as a matter of +course. +</P> + +<P> +Whatever is the plan of creation, we cannot improve it through any +antagonistic feeling of our own against creatures or circumstances. +Through a quiet, gentle tolerance we leave ourselves free to be +carried by the laws. Truth is greater than we are, and if we can be +the means of righting any wrong, it is by giving up the presumption +that we can carry truth, and by standing free and ready to let truth +carry us. +</P> + +<P> +The same willingness that is practised in relation to persons will +be found equally effective in relation to the circumstances of life, +from the losing of a train to matters far greater and more +important. There is as much intolerance to be dropped in our +relations to various happenings as in our relations to persons; and +the relief to our nerves is just as great, perhaps even greater. +</P> + +<P> +It seems to be clear that heretofore we have not realized either the +relief or the strength of an entire willingness that people and +things should progress in their own way. How can we ever gain +freedom whilst we are entangled in the contractions of intolerance? +</P> + +<P> +Freedom and a healthy nervous system are synonymous; we cannot have +one without the other. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap08"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +VIII. +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +SYMPATHY. +</H3> + +<P> +SYMPATHY, in its best sense, is the ability to take another's point +of view. Not to mourn because he mourns; not to feel injured because +he feels injured. There are times when we cannot agree with a friend +in the necessity for mourning or feeling injured; but we can +understand the cause of his disturbance, and see clearly that his +suffering is quite reasonable, <I>from his own point of view</I>. One +cannot blame a man for being color-blind; but by thoroughly +understanding and sympathizing with the fact that red <I>must</I> be green +as he sees it, one can help him to bring his mental retina to a more +normal state, until every color is taken at its proper value. +</P> + +<P> +This broader sort of sympathy enables us to serve others much more +truly. +</P> + +<P> +If we feel at one with a man who is suffering from a supposed injury +which may be entirely his own fault, we are doing all in our power +to confirm him in his mistake, and his impression of martyrdom is +increased and protracted in proportion. But if, with a genuine +comprehension of his point of view, however unreal it may be in +itself, we do our best to see his trouble in an unprejudiced light, +that is sympathy indeed; for our real sympathy is with the man +himself, cleared from his selfish fog. What is called our sympathy +with his point of view is more a matter of understanding. The +sympathy which takes the man for all in all, and includes the +comprehension of his prejudices, will enable us to hold our tongues +with regard to his prejudiced view until he sees for himself or +comes to us for advice. +</P> + +<P> +It is interesting to notice how this sympathy with another enables +us to understand and forgive one from whom we have received an +injury. His point of view taken, his animosity against us seems to +follow as a matter of course; then no time or force need be wasted +on resentment. +</P> + +<P> +Again, you cannot blame a man for being blind, even though his +blindness may be absolutely and entirely selfish, and you the +sufferer in consequence. +</P> + +<P> +It often follows that the endeavor to get a clear understanding of +another's view brings to notice many mistaken ideas of our own, and +thus enables us to gain a better standpoint It certainly helps us to +enduring patience; whereas a positive refusal to regard the +prejudices of another is rasping to our own nerves, and helps to fix +him in whatever contraction may have possessed him. +</P> + +<P> +There can be no doubt that this open sympathy is one of the better +phases of our human intercourse most to be desired. It requires a +clear head and a warm heart to understand the prejudices of a friend +or an enemy, and to sympathize with his capabilities enough to help +him to clearer mental vision. +</P> + +<P> +Often, to be sure, there are two points of view, both equally true. +But they generally converge into one, and that one is more easily +found through not disputing our own with another's. Through sympathy +with him we are enabled to see the right on both sides, and reach +the central point. +</P> + +<P> +It is singular that it takes us so long to recognize this breadth of +sympathy and practise it. Its practice would relieve us of an +immense amount of unnecessary nerve-strain. But the nerve-relief is +the mere beginning of gain to come. It steadily opens a clearer +knowledge and a heartier appreciation of human nature. We see in +individuals traits of character, good and bad, that we never could +have recognized whilst blinded by our own personal prejudices. By +becoming alive to various little sensitive spots in others, we are +enabled to avoid them, and save an endless amount of petty suffering +which might increase to suffering that was really severe. +</P> + +<P> +One good illustration of this want of sympathy, in a small way, is +the waiting-room of a well-known nerve-doctor. The room is in such a +state of confusion, it is such a mixture of colors and forms, that +it would be fatiguing even for a person in tolerable health to stay +there for an hour. Yet the doctor keeps his sensitive, nervously +excited patients sitting in this heterogeneous mass of discordant +objects hour after hour. Surely it is no psychological subtlety of +insight that gives a man of this type his name and fame: it must be +the feeding and resting process alone; for a man of sensitive +sympathy would study to save his patients by taking their point of +view, as well as to bring them to a better physical state through +nourishment and rest. +</P> + +<P> +The ability to take a nervous sufferer's point of view is greatly +needed. There can be no doubt that with that effort on the part of +friends and relatives, many cases of severe nervous prostration +might be saved, certainly much nervous suffering could be prevented. +</P> + +<P> +A woman who is suffering from a nervous conscience writes a note +which shows that she is worrying over this or that supposed mistake, +or as to what your attitude is towards her. A prompt, kind, and +direct answer will save her at once from further nervous suffering +of that sort. To keep an anxious person, whether he be sick or well, +watching the mails, is a want of sympathy which is also shown in +many other ways, unimportant, perhaps, to us, but important if we +are broad enough to take the other's point of view. +</P> + +<P> +There are many foolish little troubles from which men and women +suffer that come only from tired nerves. A wise patience with such +anxieties will help greatly towards removing their cause. A wise +patience is not indulgence. An elaborate nervous letter of great +length is better answered by a short but very kind note. +</P> + +<P> +The sympathy which enables us to understand the point of view of +tired nerves gives us the power to be lovingly brief in our response +to them, and at the same time more satisfying than if we responded +at length. +</P> + +<P> +Most of us take human nature as a great whole, and judge individuals +from our idea in general. Or, worse, we judge it all from our own +personal prejudices. There is a grossness about this which we wonder +at not having seen before, when we compare the finer sensitiveness +which is surely developed by the steady effort to understand +another's point of view. We know a whole more perfectly as a whole +if we have a distinct knowledge of the component parts. We can only +understand human nature en masse through a daily clearer knowledge +of and sympathy with its individuals. Every one of us knows the +happiness of having at least one friend whom he is perfectly sure +will neither undervalue him nor give him undeserved praise, and +whose friendship and help he can count upon, no matter how great a +wrong he has done, as securely as he could count upon his loving +thought and attention in physical illness. Surely it is possible for +each of us to approach such friendship in our feeling and attitude +towards every one who comes in touch with us. +</P> + +<P> +It is comparatively easy to think of this open sympathy, or even +practise it in big ways; it is in the little matters of everyday +life that the difficulty arises. Of course the big ways count for +less if they come through a brain clogged with little prejudices, +although to some extent one must help the other. +</P> + +<P> +It cannot be that a man has a real open sympathy who limits it to +his own family and friends; indeed, the very limit would make the +open sympathy impossible. One is just as far from a clear +comprehension of human nature when he limits himself by his +prejudices for his immediate relatives as when he makes himself +alone the boundary. +</P> + +<P> +Once having gained even the beginning of this broader sympathy with +others, there follows the pleasure of freedom from antagonisms, +keener delight in understanding others, individually and +collectively, and greater ability to serve others; and all these +must give an impetus which takes us steadily on to greater freedom, +to clearer understanding, and to more power to serve and to be +served. +</P> + +<P> +Others have many experiences which we have never even touched upon. +In that case, our ability to understand is necessarily limited. The +only thing to do is to acknowledge that we cannot see the point of +view, that we have no experience to start from, and to wait with an +open mind until we are able to understand. +</P> + +<P> +Curiously enough, it is precisely these persons of limited +experience who are most prone to prejudice. I have heard a man +assert with emphasis that it was every one's <I>duty</I> to be happy, who +had apparently not a single thing in life to interfere with his own +happiness. The duty may be clear enough, but he certainly was not in +a position to recognize its difficulty. And just in proportion with +his inability to take another's point of view in such difficulty did +he miss his power to lead others to this agreeable duty. +</P> + +<P> +There are, of course, innumerable things, little and big, which we +shall be enabled to give to others and to receive from others as the +true sympathy grows. +</P> + +<P> +The common-sense of it all appeals to us forcibly. +</P> + +<P> +Who wants to carry about a mass of personal prejudices when he can +replace them by the warm, healthy feeling of sympathetic friendship? +Who wants his nerves to be steadily irritated by various forms of +intolerance when, by understanding the other's point of view, he can +replace these by better forms of patience? +</P> + +<P> +This lower relief is little compared with the higher power gained, +but it is the first step up, and the steps beyond go ever upward. +Human nature is worth knowing and worth loving, and it can never be +known or loved without open sympathy. +</P> + +<P> +Why, we ourselves are human nature! +</P> + +<P> +Many of us would be glad to give sympathy to others, especially in +little ways, but we do not know how to go to work about it; we seem +always to be doing the wrong thing, when our desire is to do the +right. This comes, of course, from the same inability to take the +other's point of view; and the ability is gained as we are quiet and +watch for it. +</P> + +<P> +Practice, here as in everything else, is what helps. And the object +is well worth working for. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap09"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +IX. +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +OTHERS. +</H3> + +<P> +HOW to live at peace with others is a problem which, if practically +solved, would relieve the nervous system of a great weight, and give +to living a lightness and ease that might for a time seem weirdly +unnatural. It would certainly decrease the income of the +nerve-specialists to the extent of depriving those gentlemen of many +luxuries they now enjoy. +</P> + +<P> +Peace does not mean an outside civility with an inside dislike or +annoyance. In that case, the repressed antagonism not only increases +the brain-impression and wears upon the nervous system, but it is +sure to manifest itself some time, in one form or another; and the +longer it is repressed, the worse will be the effect. It may be a +volcanic eruption that is produced after long repression, which +simmers down to a chronic interior grumble; or it may be that the +repression has caused such steadily increasing contraction that an +eruption is impossible. In this case, life grows heavier and +heavier, burdened with the shackles of one's own dislikes. +</P> + +<P> +If we can only recognize two truths in our relations with others, +and let these truths become to us a matter of course, the worst +difficulties are removed. Indeed, with these two simple bits of +rationality well in hand, we may safely expect to walk amicably side +by side with our dearest foe. +</P> + +<P> +The first is, that dislike, nine times out often, is simply a +"cutaneous disorder." That is, it is merely an irritation excited by +the friction of one nervous system upon another. The tiny tempests +in the tiny teapots which are caused by this nervous friction, the +great weight attached to the most trivial matters of dispute, would +touch one's sense of humor keenly if it were not that in so many +cases these tiny tempests develop into real hurricanes. Take, for +example, two dear and intimate friends who have lived happily +together for years. Neither has a disposition which is perfect; but +that fact has never interfered with their friendship. Both get +over-tired. Words are spoken which sound intensely disagreeable, +even cruel. They really express nothing in the world but tired +nerves. They are received and misinterpreted by tired nerves on the +other side. So these two sets of nerves act and react upon one +another, and from nothing at all is evolved an ill-feeling which, if +allowed to grow, separates the friends. Each is fully persuaded that +his cutaneous trouble has profound depth. By a persistent refusal of +all healing salves it sometimes sinks in until the disease becomes +really deep seated. All this is so unnecessary. Through the same +mistake many of us carry minor dislikes which, on account of their +number and their very pettiness, are wearing upon the nerves, and +keep us from our best in whatever direction we may be working. +</P> + +<P> +The remedy for all these seems very clear when once we find it. +Recognize the shallow-ness of the disorder, acknowledge that it is +a mere matter of nerves, and avoid the friction. Keep your distance. +It is perfectly possible and very comfortable to keep your distance +from the irritating peculiarities of another, while having daily and +familiar relations with him or her. The difficulty is in getting to +a distance when we have allowed ourselves to be over-near; but that, +too, can be accomplished with patience. And by keeping a nervous +distance, so to speak, we are not only relieved from irritation, but +we find a much more delightful friendship; we see and enjoy the +qualities in another which the petty irritations had entirely +obscured from our view. If we do not allow ourselves to be touched +by the personal peculiarities, we get nearer the individual himself. +</P> + +<P> +To give a simple example which would perhaps seem absurd if it had +not been proved true so many times: A man was so annoyed by his +friend's state of nervous excitability that in taking a regular +morning walk with him, which he might have enjoyed heartily, he +always returned fagged out He tried whilst walking beside his friend +to put himself in imagination on the other side of the street The +nervous irritation lessened, and finally ceased; the walk was +delightful, and the friend—never suspected! +</P> + +<P> +A Japanese crowd is so well-bred that no one person touches another; +one need never jostle, but, with an occasional "I beg your pardon," +can circulate with perfect ease. In such a crowd there can be no +irritation. +</P> + +<P> +There is a certain good-breeding which leads us to avoid friction +with another's nervous system. It must, however, be an avoidance +inside as well as outside. The subterfuge of holding one's tongue +never works in the end. There is a subtle communication from one +nervous system to another which is more insinuating than any verbal +intercourse. Those nearest us, and whom we really love best, are +often the very persons by whom we are most annoyed. As we learn to +keep a courteous distance from their personal peculiarities our love +grows stronger and more real; and an open frankness in our relation +is more nearly possible. Strangely enough, too, the personal +peculiarities sometimes disappear. It is possible, and quite as +necessary, to treat one's own nervous system with this distant +courtesy. +</P> + +<P> +This brings us to the second simple truth. In nine cases out of ten +the cause of this nervous irritation is in ourselves. If a man loses +his temper and rouses us to a return attack, how can we blame him? +Are we not quite as bad in hitting back? To be sure, he began it. +But did he? How do we know what roused him? Then, too, he might have +poured volleys of abuse upon us, and not provoked an angry retort, +if the temper had not been latent within us, to begin with. So it is +with minor matters. In direct proportion to our freedom from others +is our power for appreciating their good points; just in proportion +to our slavery to their tricks and their habits are we blinded to +their good points and open to increased irritation from their bad +ones. It is curious that it should work that way, but it does. If +there is nothing in us to be roused, we are all free; if we are not +free, it is because there is something in us akin to that which +rouses us. This is hard to acknowledge. But it puts our attitude to +others on a good clean basis, and brings us into reality and out of +private theatricals; not to mention a clearing of the nervous system +which gives us new power. +</P> + +<P> +There is one trouble in dealing with people which does not affect +all of us, but which causes enough pain and suffering to those who +are under its influence to make up for the immunity of the rest. +That is, the strong feeling that many of us have that it is our duty +to reform those about us whose life and ways are not according to +our ideas of right. +</P> + +<P> +No one ever forced another to reform, against that other's will. It +may have appeared so; but there is sure to be a reaction sooner or +later. The number of nervous systems, however, that have been +overwrought by this effort to turn others to better ways, is sad +indeed. And in many instances the owners of these nervous systems +will pose to themselves as martyrs; and they are quite sincere in +such posing. They are living their own impressions of themselves, +and wearing themselves out in consequence. If they really wanted +right for the sake of right, they would do all in their power +without intruding, would recognize the other as a free agent, and +wait. But they want right because it is their way; consequently they +are crushed by useless anxiety, and suffer superfluously. This is +true of those who feel themselves under the necessity of reforming +all who come in touch with them. It is more sadly true of those +whose near friends seem steadily to be working out their own +destruction. To stand aside and be patient in this last case +requires strength indeed. But such patience clears one's mind to +see, and gives power to act when action can prove effective. Indeed, +as the ability to leave others free grows in us, our power really to +serve increases. +</P> + +<P> +The relief to the nervous system of dropping mistaken responsibility +cannot be computed. For it is by means of the nervous system that we +deal with others; it is the medium of our expression and of our +impression. And as it is cleared of its false contractions, does it +not seem probable that we might be opened to an exquisite delight in +companionship that we never knew before, and that our appreciation +of human nature would increase indefinitely? +</P> + +<P> +Suppose when we find another whose ways are quite different from +ours, we immediately contract, and draw away with the feeling that +there is nothing in him for us. Or suppose, instead, that we look +into his ways with real interest in having found a new phase of +human nature. Which would be the more broadening process on the +whole, or the more delightful? Frequently the contraction takes more +time and attention than would an effort to understand the strange +ways. We are almost always sure to find something in others to which +we can respond, and which awakens a new power in us, if only a new +power of sympathy. +</P> + +<P> +To sum it all up, the best way to deal with others seems to be to +avoid nervous friction of any sort, inside or out; to harbor no +ill-will towards another for selfishness roused in one's self; to be +urged by no presumptive sense of responsibility; and to remember +that we are all in the same world and under the same laws. A loving +sympathy with human nature in general, leads us first to obey the +laws ourselves, and gives us a fellow-feeling with individuals which +means new strength on both sides. +</P> + +<P> +To take this as a matter of course does not seem impossible. It is +simply casting the skin of the savage and rising to another plane, +where there will doubtless be new problems better worth attention. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap10"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +X. +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +ONE'S SELF. +</H3> + +<P> +TO be truly at peace with one's self means rest indeed. +</P> + +<P> +There is a quiet complacency, though, which passes for peace, and is +like the remarkably clear red-and-white complexion which indicates +disease. It will be noticed that the sufferers from this complacent +spirit of so-called peace shrink from openness of any sort, from +others or to others. They will put a disagreeable feeling out of +sight with a rapidity which would seem to come from sheer fright +lest they should see and acknowledge themselves in their true guise. +Or they will acknowledge it to a certain extent, with a pleasure in +their own humility which increases the complacency in proportion. +This peace is not to be desired. With those who enjoy it, a true +knowledge of or friendship with others is as much out of the +question as a knowledge of themselves. And when it is broken or +interfered with in any way, the pain is as intense and real as the +peace was false. +</P> + +<P> +The first step towards amicable relations with ourselves is to +acknowledge that we are living with a stranger. Then it sometimes +happens that through being annoyed by some one else we are enabled +to recognize similar disagreeable tendencies in ourselves of which +we were totally ignorant before. +</P> + +<P> +As honest dealing with others always pays best in the end, so it is +in all relations with one's self. There are many times when to be +quite open with a friend we must wait to be asked. With ourselves no +such courtesy is needed. We can speak out and done with it, and the +franker we are, the sooner we are free. For, unlike other +companions, we can enjoy ourselves best when we are conspicuous only +by our own absence! +</P> + +<P> +It is this constant persistence in clinging to ourselves that is +most in the way; it increases that crown of nervous troubles, +self-consciousness, and makes it quite impossible that we should +ever really know ourselves. If by all this, we are not ineffable +bores to ourselves, we certainly become so to other people. +</P> + +<P> +It is surprising, when once we come to recognize it, how we are in +an almost chronic state of posing to ourselves. Fortunately, a clear +recognition of the fact is most effectual in stopping the poses. But +they must be recognized, pose by pose, individually and separately +stopped, <I>and then ignored</I>, if we want to free ourselves from +ourselves entirely. +</P> + +<P> +The interior posing-habit makes one a slave to brain-impressions +which puts all freedom out of the question. To cease from such +posing opens one of the most interesting gates to natural life. We +wonder how we could have obscured the outside view for so long. +</P> + +<P> +To find that we cannot, or do not, let ourselves alone for an hour +in the day seems the more surprising when we remember that there is +so much to enjoy outside. Egotism is immensely magnified in nervous +disorders; but that it is the positive cause of much nervous trouble +has not been generally admitted. +</P> + +<P> +Let any one of us take a good look at the amount of attention given +by ourselves to ourselves. Then acknowledge, without flinching, what +amount of that attention is unnecessary; and it will clear the air +delightfully, for a moment at any rate. +</P> + +<P> +The tendency to refer everything, in some way or another, to one's +self; the touchiness and suspicion aroused by nothing but petty +jealousy as to one's own place; the imagined slights from others; +the want of consideration given us,—all these and many more +senseless irritations are in this over-attention to self. The +worries about our own moral state take up so great a place with many +of us as to leave no room for any other thought. Indeed, it is not +uncommon to see a woman worrying so over her faults that she has no +time to correct them. Self-condemnation is as great a vanity as its +opposite. Either in one way or another there is the steady +temptation to attend to one's self, and along with it an irritation +of the nerves which keeps us from any sense of real freedom. +</P> + +<P> +With most of us there is no great depth to the self-disease if it is +only stopped in time. When once we are well started in the wholesome +practice of getting rid of ourselves, the process is rapid. A +thorough freedom from self once gained, we find ourselves quite +companionable, which, though paradoxical, is without doubt a truth. +</P> + +<P> +"That freedom of the soul," writes Fenelon, "which looks straight +onward in its path, losing no time to reason upon its steps, to +study them, or to dwell upon those already taken, is true +simplicity." We recognize a mistake, correct it, go on and forget. +If it appears again, correct it again. Irritation at the second or +at any number of reappearances only increases the brain-impression +of the mistake, and makes the tendency to future error greater. +</P> + +<P> +If opportunity arises to do a good action, take advantage of it, and +silently decline the disadvantage of having your attention riveted +to it by the praise of others. +</P> + +<P> +A man who is constantly analyzing his physical state is called a +hypochondriac. What shall we call the man who is constantly +analyzing his moral state? As the hypochondriac loses all sense of +health in holding the impression of disease, so the other gradually +loses the sense of wholesome relation to himself and to others. +</P> + +<P> +If a man obeyed the laws of health as a matter of course, and turned +back every time Nature convicted him of disobedience, he would never +feel the need of self-analysis so far as his physical state was +concerned. Just so far as a man obeys higher laws as a matter of +course, and uses every mistake to enable him to know the laws +better, is morbid introspection out of the question with him. +</P> + +<P> +"Man, know thyself!" but, being sure of the desire to know thyself, +do not be impatient at slow progress; pay little attention to the +process, and forget thyself, except when remembering is necessary to +a better forgetting. +</P> + +<P> +To live at real peace with ourselves, we must surely let every +little evil imp of selfishness show himself, and not have any +skulking around corners. Recognize him for his full worthless-ness, +call him by his right name, and move off. Having called him by his +right name, our severity with ourselves for harboring him is +unnecessary. To be gentle with ourselves is quite as important as to +be gentle with others. Great nervous suffering is caused by this +over-severity to one's self, and freedom is never accomplished by +that means. Many of us are not severe enough, but very many are too +severe. One mistake is quite as bad as the other, and as disastrous +in its effects. +</P> + +<P> +If we would regard our own state less, or careless whether we were +happy or unhappy, our freedom from self would be gained more +rapidly. +</P> + +<P> +As a man intensely interested in some special work does not notice +the weather, so we, if we once get hold of the immense interest +there may be in living, are not moved to any depth by changes in the +clouds of our personal state. We take our moods as a matter of +course, and look beyond to interests that are greater. Self may be a +great burden if we allow it. It is only a clear window through which +we see and are seen, if we are free. And the repose of such freedom +must be beyond our conception until we have found it. To be +absolutely certain that we know ourselves at any time is one great +impediment to reaching such rest. Every bit of self-knowledge gained +makes us more doubtful as to knowledge to come. It would surprise +most of us to see how really unimportant we are. As a part of the +universe, our importance increases just in proportion to the laws +that work through us; but this self-importance is lost to us +entirely in our greater recognition of the laws. As we gain in the +sensitive recognition of universal laws, every petty bit of +self-contraction disappears as darkness before the rising of the +sun. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap11"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +XI. +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHILDREN. +</H3> + +<P> +WORK for the better progress of the human race is most effective +when it is done through the children; for children are future +generations. The freedom in mature life gained by a training that +would enable the child to avoid nervous irritants is, of course, +greatly in advance of most individual freedom to-day. This real +freedom is the spirit of the kindergarten; but Frobel's method, as +practised to-day, does not attack and put to rout all those various +nervous irritants which are the enemies of our civilization. To be +sure, the teaching of his philosophy develops such a nature that +much pettiness is thrown off without even being noticed as a snare; +and Frobel helps one to recognize all pettiness more rapidly. There +are, however, many forms of nervous irritation which one is not +warned against in the kindergarten, and the absence of which, if the +child is taught as a matter of course to avoid them, will give him a +freedom that his elders and betters (?) lack. The essential fact of +this training is that it is only truly effectual when coming from +example rather than precept. +</P> + +<P> +A child is exquisitely sensitive to the shortcomings of others, and +very keen, as well as correct, in his criticism, whether expressed +or unexpressed. In so far as a man consents to be taught by +children, does he not only remain young, but he frees himself from +the habit of impeding his own progress. This is a great impediment, +this unwillingness to be taught by those whom we consider more +ignorant than ourselves because they have not been in the world so +long. Did no one ever take into account the possibility of our eyes +being blinded just because they had been exposed to the dust longer? +Certainly one possible way of clearing this dust and avoiding it is +to learn from observing those who have had less of it to contend +with. Indeed, one might go so far as to say that no training of any +child could be effectual to a lasting degree unless the education +was mutual. When Frobel says, "Come, let us live with our children," +he does not mean, Come, let us stoop to our children; he means, Let +us be at one with them. Surely a more perfect harmony in these two +great phases of human nature—the child and the man—would be +greatly to the advantage of the latter. +</P> + +<P> +Yet, to begin at the beginning, who ever feels the necessity of +treating a baby with respect? How quickly the baby would resent +intrusive attentions, if it knew how. Indeed, I have seen a baby not +a year old resent being transferred from one person to another, with +an expression of the face that was most eloquent. Women seem so full +of their sense of possession of a baby that this eloquence is not +even observed, and the poor child's nervous irritants begin at a +very early age. There is so much to be gained by keeping at a +respectful nervous distance from a baby, that one has only to be +quiet enough to perceive the new pleasure once, to lose the +temptation to interfere; and imagine the relief to the baby! It is, +after all, the sense of possession that makes the trouble; and this +sense is so strong that there are babies, all the way from twenty to +forty, whose individuality is intruded upon so grossly that they +have never known what freedom is; and when they venture to struggle +for it, their suffering is intense. This is a steadily increasing +nervous contraction, both in the case of the possessed and the +possessor, and perfect nervous health is not possible on either +side. To begin by respecting the individuality of the baby would put +this last abnormal attitude of parent and child out of the question. +Curiously enough, there is in some of the worst phases of this +parent-child contraction an external appearance of freedom which +only enhances the internal slavery. When a man, who has never known +what it was in reality to give up a strong will, prides himself upon +the freedom he gives to his child, he is entangling himself in the +meshes of self-deception, and either depriving another of his own, +or ripening him for a good hearty hatred which may at any time mean +volcanoes and earthquakes to both. +</P> + +<P> +This forcible resentment of and resistance to the strong will of +another is a cause of great nervous suffering, the greater as the +expression of such feeling is repressed. Severe illness may easily +be the result. +</P> + +<P> +To train a child to gain freedom from the various nervous irritants, +one must not only be gaining the same freedom one's self, but must +practise meeting the child in the way he is counselled to meet +others. One must refuse to be in any way a nervous irritant to the +child. In that case quite as much instruction is received as given. +A child, too, is doubly sensitive; he not only feels the intrusion +on his own individuality, but the irritable or self-willed attitude +of another in expressing such intrusion. +</P> + +<P> +Similarly, in keeping a respectful distance, a teacher grows +sensitive to the child, and again the help is mutual, with sometimes +a balance in favor of the child. +</P> + +<P> +This mistaken, parent-child attitude is often the cause of severe +nervous suffering in those whose only relation is that of +friendship, when one mind is stronger than the other. Sometimes +there is not any real superior strength on the one side; it is +simply by the greater gross-ness of the will that the other is +overcome. This very grossness blinds one completely to the +individuality of a finer strength; the finer individual succumbs +because he cannot compete with crowbars, and the parent-child +contraction is the disastrous result. To preserve for a child a +normal nervous system, one must guide but not limit him. It is a sad +sight to see a mother impressing upon a little brain that its owner +is a naughty, naughty boy, especially when such impression is +increased by the irritability of the mother. One hardly dares to +think how many more grooves are made in a child's brain which simply +give him contractions to take into mature life with him; how many +trivial happenings are made to assume a monstrous form through being +misrepresented. It is worth while to think of such dangers, such +warping influences, only long enough to avoid them. +</P> + +<P> +A child's imagination is so exquisitely alive, his whole little +being is so responsive, that the guidance which can be given him +through happy brain-impressions is eminently practicable. To test +this responsiveness, and feel it more keenly, just tell a child a +dramatic story, and watch his face respond; or even recite a +Mother-Goose rhyme with all the expression at your command. The +little face changes in rapid succession, as one event after another +is related, in a way to put a modern actor to shame. If the response +is so quick on the outside, it must be at least equally active +within. +</P> + +<P> +One might as well try to make a white rose red by rouging its petals +as to mould a child according to one's own idea of what he should +be; and as the beauty and delicacy of the rose would be spoiled by +the application of the pigment, so is the baby's nervous system +twisted and contracted by the limiting force of a grosser will. +</P> + +<P> +Water the rose, put it in the sun, keep the insect enemies away, and +then enjoy it for itself. Give the child everything that is +consistent with its best growth, but neither force the growth nor +limit it; and stand far enough off to see the individuality, to +enjoy it and profit by it. Use the child's imagination to calm and +strengthen it; give it happy channels for its activity; guide it +physically to the rhythm of fresh air, nourishment, and rest; then +do not interfere. +</P> + +<P> +If the man never turns to thank you for such guidance, because it +all came as a matter of course, a wholesome, powerful nervous system +will speak thanks daily with more eloquence than any words could +ever express. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap12"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +XII. +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +ILLNESS. +</H3> + +<P> +AS far as we make circumstances guides and not limitations, they +serve us. Otherwise, we serve them, and suffer accordingly. Just in +proportion, too, to our allowing circumstances to be limits do we +resist them. Such resistance is a nervous strain which disables us +physically, and of course puts us more in the clutches of what +appears to be our misfortune. The moment we begin to regard every +circumstance as an opportunity, the tables are turned on Fate, and +we have the upper hand of her. +</P> + +<P> +When we come to think of it, how much common-sense there is in +making the best of every "opportunity," and what a lack of sense in +chafing at that which we choose to call our limitations! The former +way is sure to bring a good result of some sort, be it ever so +small; the latter wears upon our nerves, blinds our mental vision, +and certainly does not cultivate the spirit of freedom in us. +</P> + +<P> +How absurd it would seem if a wounded man were to expose his wound +to unnecessary friction, and then complain that it did not heal! Yet +that is what many of us have done at one time or another, when +prevented by illness from carrying out our plans in life just as we +had arranged. It matters not whether those plans were for ourselves +or for others; chafing and fretting at their interruption is just as +absurd and quite as sure to delay our recovery. "I know," with tears +in our eyes, "I ought not to complain, but it is so hard," To which +common-sense may truly answer: "If it is hard, you want to get well, +don't you? Then why do you not take every means to get well, instead +of indulging first in the very process that will most tend to keep +you ill?" Besides this, there is a dogged resistance which remains +silent, refuses to complain aloud, and yet holds a state of rigidity +that is even worse than the external expression. There are many +individual ways of resisting. Each of us knows his own, and knows, +too, the futility of it; we do not need to multiply examples. +</P> + +<P> +The patients who resist recovery are quite as numerous as those who +keep themselves ill by resisting illness. A person of this sort +seems to be fascinated by his own body and its disorders. So far +from resisting illness, he may be said to be indulging in it He will +talk about himself and his physical state for hours. He will locate +each separate disease in a way to surprise the listener by his +knowledge of his own anatomy. Not infrequently he will preface a +long account of himself by informing you that he has a hearty +detestation of talking about himself, and never could understand why +people wanted to talk of their diseases. Then in minute detail he +will reveal to you his brain-impression of his own case, and look +for sympathetic response. These people might recover a hundred times +over, and they would never know it, so occupied are they in living +their own idea of themselves and in resisting Nature. +</P> + +<P> +When Nature has knocked us down because of disobedience to her laws, +we resist her if we attempt at once to rise, or complain of the +punishment. When the dear lady would hasten our recovery to the best +of her ability, we resist her if we delay progress by dwelling on +the punishment or chafing at its necessity. +</P> + +<P> +Nature always tends towards health. It is to prevent further +ill-health that she allows us to suffer for our disobedience to her +laws. It is to lead us back to health that she is giving the best of +her powers, having dealt the deserved punishment. The truest help we +can give Nature is not to think of our bodies, well or ill, more +than is necessary for their best health. +</P> + +<P> +I knew a woman who was, to all appearances, remarkably well; in +fact, her health was her profession. She was supposed to be a +Priestess of Health. She talked about and dwelt upon the health of +her body until one would have thought there was nothing in the world +worth thinking of but a body. She displayed her fine points in the +way of health, and enjoyed being questioned with regard to them. +This woman was taken ill. She exhibited the same interest, the same +pleasure, in talking over and dwelling upon her various forms of +illness; in fact, more. She counted her diseases. I am not aware +that she ever counted her strong points of health. +</P> + +<P> +This illustration is perhaps clear enough to give a new sense of the +necessity for forgetting our bodies. When ill use every necessary +remedy; do all that is best to bring renewed health. Having made +sure you are doing all you can, forget; don't follow the process. +When, as is often the case, pain or other suffering puts forgetting +out of the question, use no unnecessary resistance, and forget as +soon as the pain is past Don't strengthen the impression by talking +about it or telling it over to no purpose. Better forego a little +sympathy, and forget the pain sooner. +</P> + +<P> +It is with our nerves that we resist when Nature has punished us. It +is nervous strain that we put into a useless attention to and +repetition of the details of our illness. Nature wants all this +nerve-force to get us well the faster; we can save it for her by not +resisting and by a healthy forgetting. By taking an illness as +comfortably as possible, and turning our attention to something +pleasant outside of ourselves, recovery is made more rapidly. +</P> + +<P> +Many illnesses are accompanied by more or less nervous strain, and +its natural control will assist nature and enable medicines to work +more quickly. The slowest process of recovery, and that which most +needs the relief of a wholesome non-resistance, is when the illness +is the result entirely of over-worked nerves. Nature allows herself +to be tried to the utmost before she permits nervous prostration. +She insists upon being paid in full, principal and interest, before +she heals such illness. So severe is she in this case that a patient +may appear in every way physically well and strong weeks, nay, +months, before he really is so. It was the nerves that broke down +last, and the nerves are the last to be restored. It is, however, +wonderful to see how much more rapid and certain recovery is if the +patient will only separate himself from his nervous system, and +refuse all useless strain. +</P> + +<P> +Here are some simple directions which may help nervous patients, if +considered in regular order. They can hardly be read too often if +the man or woman is in for a long siege; and if simply and steadily +obeyed, they will shorten the siege by many days, nay, by many weeks +or months, in some cases. +</P> + +<P> +Remember that Nature tends towards health. All you want is +nourishment, fresh air, exercise, rest, and patience. +</P> + +<P> +All your worries and anxieties now are tired nerves. +</P> + +<P> +When a worry appears, drop it. If it appears again, drop it again. +And so continue to drop it if it appears fifty or a hundred times a +day or more. +</P> + +<P> +If you feel like crying, cry; but know that it is the tired nerves +that are crying, and don't wonder why you are so foolish,—don't +feel ashamed of yourself. +</P> + +<P> +If you cannot sleep, don't care. Get all the rest you can without +sleeping. That will bring sleep when it is ready to come, or you are +ready to have it. +</P> + +<P> +Don't wonder whether you are going to sleep or not. Go to bed to +rest, and let sleep come when it pleases. +</P> + +<P> +Think about everything in Nature. Follow the growing of the trees +and flowers. Remember all the beauties in Nature you have ever seen. +</P> + +<P> +Say Mother-Goose rhymes over and over, trying how many you can +remember. +</P> + +<P> +Read bright stories for children, and quiet novels, especially Jane +Austen's. +</P> + +<P> +Sometimes it helps to work on arithmetic. +</P> + +<P> +Keep aloof from emotions. +</P> + +<P> +Think of other people. +</P> + +<P> +Never think of yourself. Bear in mind that nerves always get well in +waves; and if you thought yourself so much better,—almost well, +indeed,—and then have a bad time of suffering, don't wonder why it +is, or what could have brought it on. Know that it is part of the +recovery-process; take it as easily as you can, and then ignore it. +</P> + +<P> +Don't try to do any number of things to get yourself well; don't +change doctors any number of times, or take countless medicines. +Every doctor knows he cannot hurry your recovery, whatever he may +say, and you only retard it by being over-anxious to get strong. +Drop every bit of unnecessary muscular tension. +</P> + +<P> +When you walk, feel your feet heavy, as if your shoes were full of +lead, and think in your feet. +</P> + +<P> +Be as much like a child as possible. Play with children as one of +them, and think with them when you can. +</P> + +<P> +As you begin to recover, find something every day to do for others. +Best let it be in the way of house-work, or gardening, or something +to do with your hands. +</P> + +<P> +Take care of yourself every day as a matter of course, as you would +dress or undress; and be sure that health is coming. Say over and +over to yourself: Nourishment, fresh air, exercise, rest, PATIENCE. +</P> + +<P> +When you are well, and resume your former life, if old associations +recall the unhappy nervous feelings, know that it is only the +associations; pay no attention to the suffering, and work right on. +Only be careful to take life very quietly until you are quite used +to being well again. +</P> + +<P> +An illness that is merely nervous is an immense opportunity, if one +will only realize it as such. It not only makes one more genuinely +appreciative of the best health, and the way to keep it, it opens +the sympathies and gives a feeling for one's fellow-creatures which, +having once found, we cannot prize too highly. +</P> + +<P> +It would seem hard to believe that all must suffer to find a +delicate sympathy; it can hardly be so. To be always strong, and at +the same time full of warm sympathy, is possible, with more thought. +When illness or adverse circumstances bring it, the gate has been +opened for us. +</P> + +<P> +If illness is taken as an opportunity to better health, not to more +illness, our mental attitude will put complaint out of the question; +and as the practice spreads it will as surely decrease the tendency +to illness in others as it will shorten its duration in ourselves. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap13"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +XIII. +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +SENTIMENT <I>versus</I> SENTIMENTALITY. +</H3> + +<P> +FREEDOM from sentimentality opens the way for true sentiment. +</P> + +<P> +An immense amount of time, thought, and nervous force is wasted in +sentimentalizing about "being good." With many, the amount of talk +about their evils and their desire to overcome them is a thermometer +which indicates about five times that amount of thought Neither the +talk nor the thought is of assistance in leading to any greater +strength or to a more useful life; because the talk is all talk, and +the essence of both talk and thought is a selfish, morbid pleasure +in dwelling upon one's self. I remember the remark of a young girl +who had been several times to prayer-meeting where she heard the +same woman say every time that she "longed for the true spirit of +religion in her life." With all simplicity, this child said: "If she +longs for it, why doesn't she work and find it, instead of coming +every week and telling us that she longs?" In all probability the +woman returned from every prayer-meeting with the full conviction +that, having told her aspirations, she had reached the height +desired, and was worthy of all praise. +</P> + +<P> +Prayer-meetings in the old, orthodox sense are not so numerous as +they were fifty years ago; but the same morbid love of telling one's +own experiences and expressing in words one's own desires for a +better life is as common as ever. +</P> + +<P> +Many who would express horror at these public forms of +sentimentalizing do not hesitate to indulge in it privately to any +extent. Nor do they realize for a moment that it is the same morbid +spirit that moves them. It might not be so pernicious a practice if +it were not so steadily weakening. +</P> + +<P> +If one has a spark of real desire for better ways of living, +sentimentalizing about it is a sure extinguisher if practised for +any length of time. +</P> + +<P> +A woman will sometimes pour forth an amount of gush about wishing to +be better, broader, nobler, stronger, in a manner that would lead +you, for a moment, perhaps, to believe in her sincerity. But when, +in the next hour, you see her neglecting little duties that a woman +who was really broad, strong, and noble would attend to as a matter +of course, and not give a second thought to; when you see that +although she must realize that attention to these smaller duties +should come first, to open the way to her higher aspirations, she +continues to neglect them and continues to aspire,—you are surely +right in concluding that she is using up her nervous system in +sentimentalizing about a better life; and by that means is doing all +in her power to hinder the achievement of it. +</P> + +<P> +It is curious and very sad to see what might be a really strong +nature weakening itself steadily with this philosophy and water. Of +course it reaches a maudlin state if it continues. +</P> + +<P> +His Satanic Majesty must offer this dose, sweetened with the sugar +of self-love, with intense satisfaction. And if we may personify +that gentleman for the sake of illustration, what a fine sarcastic +smile must dwell upon his countenance as he sees it swallowed and +enjoyed, and knows that he did not even have to waste spice as an +ingredient! The sugar would have drowned the taste of any spice he +could supply. +</P> + +<P> +There is not even the appearance of strength in sentimentalizing. +</P> + +<P> +Besides the sentimentalizing about ourselves in our desire to live a +better life, there is the same morbid practice in our love for +others; and this is quite as weakening. It contains, of course, no +jot of real affection. What wholesome love there is lives in spite +of the sentimentalizing, and fortunately is sometimes strong enough +on one side or the other to crowd it out and finally exterminate it. +</P> + +<P> +It is curious to notice how often this sham sentiment for others is +merely a matter of nerves. As an instance we can take an example, +which is quite true, of a woman who fancied herself desperately fond +of another, when, much to her surprise, an acute attack of toothache +and dentist-fright put the "affection" quite out of her head. In +this case the "love" was a nervous irritant, and the toothache a +counter-irritant. Of course the sooner such superficial feeling is +recognized and shaken off, the nearer we are to real sentiment. +</P> + +<P> +"But," some one will say, "how are we to know what is real and what +is not? I would much rather live my life and get more or less +unreality than have this everlasting analyzing." There need be no +abnormal analyzing; that is as morbid as the other state. Indulge to +your heart's content in whatever seems to you real, in what you +believe to be wholesome sentiment. But be ready to recognize it as +sham at the first hint you get to that effect, and to drop it +accordingly. +</P> + +<P> +A perfectly healthy body will shed germs of disease without ever +feeling their presence. So a perfectly healthy mind will shed the +germs of sentimentality. Few of us are so healthy in mind but that +we have to recognize a germ or two and apply a disinfectant before +we can reach the freedom that will enable us to shed the germs +unconsciously. A good disinfectant is, to refuse to talk of our own +feelings or desires or affections, unless for some end which we know +may help us to more light and better strength. Talking, however, is +mild in its weakening effect compared with thinking. It is better to +dribble sham sentiment in words over and over than to think it, and +repress the desire to talk. The only clear way is to drop it from +our minds the moment it appears; to let go of it as we would loosen +our fingers and drop something disagreeable from our hands. +</P> + +<P> +A good amount of exercise and fresh air helps one out of +sentimentalizing. This morbid mental habit is often the result of a +body ill in some way or another. Frequently it is simply the effect +of tired nerves. We help others and ourselves out of it more rapidly +by not mentioning the sentimentalizing habit, but by taking some +immediate means towards rest, fresh air, vigorous exercise, and +better nourishment. +</P> + +<P> +Mistakes are often made and ourselves or others kept an unnecessary +length of time in mental suffering because we fail to attribute a +morbid mental state to its physical cause. We blame ourselves or +others for behavior that we call wicked or silly, and increase the +suffering, when all that is required is a little thoughtful care of +the body to cause the silly wickedness to disappear entirely. +</P> + +<P> +We are supposed to be indulging in sickly sentiment when we are +really suffering from sickly nerves. An open sympathy will detect +this mistake very soon, and save intense suffering by an early +remedy. +</P> + +<P> +Sentiment is as strengthening as sentimentality is weakening. It is +as strong, as clear, and as fine in flavor as the other is sickly +sweet. No one who has tasted the wholesome vigor of the one could +ever care again for the weakening sweetness of the other, however +much he might have to suffer in getting rid of it. True sentiment +seeks us; we do not seek it. It not only seeks us, it possesses us, +and runs in our blood like the new life which comes from fresh air +on top of a mountain. With that true sentiment we can feel a desire +to know better things and to live them. We can feel a hearty love +for others; and a love that is, in its essence, the strongest of all +human loves. We can give and receive a healthy sympathy which we +could never have known otherwise. We can enjoy talking about +ourselves and about "being good," because every word we say will be +spontaneous and direct, with more thought of law than of self. This +true sentiment seeks and finds us as we recognize the sham and shake +it off, and as we refuse to dwell upon our actions and thoughts in +the past or to look back at all except when it is a necessity to +gain a better result. +</P> + +<P> +We are like Orpheus, and true sentiment is our Eurydice with her +touch on our shoulder; the spirits that follow are the +sham-sentiments, the temptations to look back and pose. The music of +our lyre is the love and thought we bring to our every-day life. Let +us keep steadily on with the music, and lead our Eurydice right +through Hades until we have her safely over the Lethe, and we know +sentimentality only as a name. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap14"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +XIV. +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +PROBLEMS. +</H3> + +<P> +THERE are very few persons who have not I had the experience of +giving up a problem in mathematics late in the evening, and waking +in the morning with the solution clear in their minds. That has been +the experience of many, too, in real-life problems. If it were more +common, a great amount of nervous strain might be saved. +</P> + +<P> +There are big problems and little, real and imaginary; and some that +are merely tired nerves. In problems, the useless nervous element +often plays a large part. If the "problems" were dropped out of mind +with sufferers from nervous prostration, their progress towards +renewed health might be just twice as rapid. If they were met +normally, many nervous men and women might be entirely saved from +even a bowing acquaintance with nervous prostration. It is not a +difficult matter, that of meeting a problem normally,—simply let +it solve itself. In nine cases out of ten, if we leave it alone and +live as if it were not, it will solve itself. It is at first a +matter of continual surprise to see how surely this self-solution is +the result of a wholesome ignoring both of little problems and big +ones. +</P> + +<P> +In the tenth case, where the problem must be faced at once, to face +it and decide to the best of our ability is, of course, the only +thing to do. But having decided, be sure that it ceases to be a +problem. If we have made a mistake, it is simply a circumstance to +guide us for similar problems to come. +</P> + +<P> +All this is obvious; we know it, and have probably said it to +ourselves dozens of times. If we are sufferers from nervous +problems, we may have said it dozens upon dozens of times. The +trouble is that we have said it and not acted upon it. When a +problem will persist in worrying us, in pulling and dragging upon +our nerves, an invitation to continue the worrying until it has +worked itself out is a great help towards its solution or +disappearance. +</P> + +<P> +I remember once hearing a bright woman say that when there was +anything difficult to decide in her life she stepped aside and let +the opposing elements fight it out within her. Presumably she +herself threw in a little help on one side or the other which really +decided the battle. But the help was given from a clear standpoint, +not from a brain entirely befogged in the thick of the fight. +</P> + +<P> +Whatever form problems may take, however important they may seem, +when they attack tired nerves they must be let alone. A good way is +to go out into the open air and so identify one's self with Nature +that one is drawn away in spite of one's self. A big wind will +sometimes blow a brain clear of nervous problems in a very little +while if we let it have its will. Another way out is to interest +one's self in some game or other amusement, or to get a healthy +interest in other people's affairs, and help where we can. +</P> + +<P> +Each individual can find his own favorite escape. Of course we +should never shirk a problem that must be decided, but let us always +wait a reasonable time for it to decide itself first. The solving +that is done for us is invariably better and clearer than any we +could do for ourselves. +</P> + +<P> +It will be curious, too, to see how many apparently serious +problems, relieved of the importance given them by a strained +nervous system, are recognized to be nothing at all. They fairly +dissolve themselves and disappear. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap15"></A> +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +XV. +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +SUMMARY. +</H3> + +<P> +THE line has not been clearly drawn, either in general or by +individuals, between true civilization and the various perversions +of the civilizing process. This is mainly because we do not fairly +face the fact that the process of civilization is entirely according +to Nature, and that the perversions which purport to be a direct +outcome of civilization are, in point of fact, contradictions or +artificialities which are simply a going-over into barbarism, just +as too far east is west. +</P> + +<P> +If you suggest "Nature" in habits and customs to most men nowadays, +they at once interpret you to mean "beastly," although they would +never use the word. +</P> + +<P> +It is natural to a beast to be beastly: he could not be anything +else; and the true order of his life as a beast is to be respected. +It is natural to a man to govern himself, as he possesses the power +of distinguishing and choosing, With all the senses and passions +much keener, and in their possibilities many degrees finer, than the +beasts, he has this governing power, which makes his whole nervous +system his servant just in so far as through this servant he loyally +obeys his own natural laws. A man in building a bridge could never +complain when he recognized that it was his obedience to the laws of +mechanics which enabled him to build the bridge, and that he never +could have arbitrarily arranged laws that would make the bridge +stand. In the same way, one who has come to even a slight +recognition of the laws that enable him to be naturally civilized +and not barbarously so, steadily gains, not only a realization of +the absolute futility of resisting the laws, but a growing respect +and affection for them. +</P> + +<P> +It is this sham civilization, this selfish refinement of barbarous +propensities, this clashing of nervous systems instead of the +clashing of weapons, which has been largely, if not entirely, the +cause of such a variety and extent of nervous trouble throughout the +so-called civilized world. It is not confined to nervous +prostration; if there is a defective spot organically, an inherited +tendency to weakness, the nervous irritation is almost certain to +concentrate upon it instead of developing into a general nervous +break-down. +</P> + +<P> +With regard to a cure for all this, no superficial remedy, such as +resting and feeding, is going to prove of lasting benefit; any more +than a healing salve will suffice to do away with a blood disease +which manifests itself by sores on the surface of the skin. No +physician would for a moment inveigle himself into the belief that +the use of external means alone would cure a skin disease that was +caused by some internal disorder. Such skin irritation may be easily +cured by the right remedy, whereas an external salve would only be a +means of repression, and would result in much greater trouble +subsequently. +</P> + +<P> +Imagine a man superficially cured of an illness, and then exposed +while yet barely convalescent to influences which produce a relapse. +That is what is done in many cases when a patient is rested, and +fattened like a prize pig, and then sent home into all the old +conditions, with nothing to help him to elude them but a well-fed, +well-rested body. That, undeniably, means a great deal for a short +period; but the old conditions discover the scars of old wounds, and +the process of reopening is merely a matter of time. From all sides +complaints are heard of the disastrous results of civilization; +while with even a slight recognition of the fact that the trouble +was caused by the rudiments of barbarism, and that the higher +civilization is the life which is most truly natural, remedies for +our nervous disorders would be more easily found. +</P> + +<P> +It is the perversions of the natural process of civilization that do +the harm; just as with so-called domesticated flowers there arise +coarse abnormal growths, and even diseases, which the wholesome, +delicate organism of a wild flower makes impossible. +</P> + +<P> +The trouble is that we do not know our own best powers at all; the +way is stopped so effectually by this persistent nervous irritation. +With all its superficiality, it is enough to impede the way to the +clear, nervous strength which is certainly our inheritance. +</P> + +<P> +After all, what has been said in the foregoing chapters is simply +illustrative of a prevalent mental skin-disorder. +</P> + +<P> +If the whole world were suffering from a physical cutaneous +irritation, the minds of individuals would be so concentrated on +their sensations that no one could know of various wonderful powers +in his own body which are now taken as a matter of course. There +would be self-consciousness in every physical action, because it +must come through, and in spite of, external irritation. Just in so +far as each individual one of us found and used the right remedy for +our skin-trouble should we be free to discover physical powers that +were unknown to our fellow-sufferers, and free to help them to a +similar remedy when they were willing to be helped. +</P> + +<P> +This mental skin-disorder is far more irritating and more +destructive, and not only leads to, but actually is, in all its +forms, a sort of self-consciousness through which we work with real +difficulty. +</P> + +<P> +To discover its shallowness and the simplicity of its cure is a boon +we can hardly realize until, by steady application, we have found +the relief. The discovery and cure do not lead to a millennium any +more than the cure of any skin disease guarantees permanent health. +For deeper personal troubles there are other remedies. Each will +recognize and find his own; but freedom, through and through, can +never be found, or even looked for clearly, while the irritation +from the skin disease is withdrawing our attention. +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "But, friends,<BR> + Truth is within ourselves: it takes no rise<BR> + From outward things; whatever you may believe,<BR> + There is an inmost centre in us all<BR> + Where truth abides in fulness; and around,<BR> + Wall upon wall, the gross flesh hems it in,<BR> + This perfect clear perception which is truth.<BR> + A baffling and perverting carnal mesh<BR> + Blinds it, and makes all error; and TO KNOW<BR> + Rather consists in opening out a way<BR> + Whence the imprisoned splendor may escape,<BR> + Than in effecting entry for a light<BR> + Supposed to be without."<BR> +</P> + +<P> +Browning's "baffling and perverting carnal mesh" might be truly +interpreted as a nervous tangle which is nothing at all except as we +make it with our own perverted sight. +</P> + +<P> +To help us to move a little distance from the phantom tangle, that +it may disappear before our eyes, has been the aim of this book. So +by curing our mental skin-disease as a matter of course, and then +forgetting that it ever existed, we may come to real life. This no +one can find for another, but each has within himself the way. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<P CLASS="finis"> +THE END. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR><BR> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's As a Matter of Course, by Annie Payson Call + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK AS A MATTER OF COURSE *** + +***** This file should be named 4385-h.htm or 4385-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/4/3/8/4385/ + +Produced by Steve Solomon + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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