diff options
| author | nfenwick <nfenwick@pglaf.org> | 2025-03-07 14:36:06 -0800 |
|---|---|---|
| committer | nfenwick <nfenwick@pglaf.org> | 2025-03-07 14:36:06 -0800 |
| commit | b5bc025008607a107a47755f168a69740bf1e3dc (patch) | |
| tree | 122fa4c904e0e76124b66051d29b08fadf13bd30 | |
| parent | bc17fa52ff86e36fc86ae18cc358cf7122e2bd04 (diff) | |
| -rw-r--r-- | 43757-0.txt | 385 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 43757-0.zip | bin | 75480 -> 0 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 43757-8.txt | 5177 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 43757-8.zip | bin | 74543 -> 0 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 43757-h.zip | bin | 202861 -> 0 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 43757-h/43757-h.htm | 418 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 43757.txt | 5177 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 43757.zip | bin | 74502 -> 0 bytes |
8 files changed, 7 insertions, 11150 deletions
diff --git a/43757-0.txt b/43757-0.txt index 8667420..0f27f51 100644 --- a/43757-0.txt +++ b/43757-0.txt @@ -1,31 +1,4 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Seductio Ad Absurdum, by Emily Hahn - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - - -Title: Seductio Ad Absurdum - The Principles & Practices of Seduction, A Beginner's Handbook - -Author: Emily Hahn - -Release Date: September 17, 2013 [EBook #43757] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SEDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM *** - - - - -Produced by Roger Frank and Sue Clark - - - +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 43757 *** SEDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM @@ -4820,358 +4793,4 @@ Etienne Rabaud, _How Animals Find Their Way About._ (Harcourt Brace). End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Seductio Ad Absurdum, by Emily Hahn -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SEDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM *** - -***** This file should be named 43757-0.txt or 43757-0.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/4/3/7/5/43757/ - -Produced by Roger Frank and Sue Clark - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, -set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to -copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to -protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project -Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you -charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you -do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the -rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose -such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and -research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do -practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is -subject to the trademark license, especially commercial -redistribution. - - - -*** START: FULL LICENSE *** - -THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE -PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK - -To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free -distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work -(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project -Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project -Gutenberg-tm License available with this file or online at - www.gutenberg.org/license. - - -Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic works - -1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to -and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property -(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all -the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy -all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. -If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the -terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or -entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. - -1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be -used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who -agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few -things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works -even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See -paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement -and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works. See paragraph 1.E below. - -1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" -or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the -collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an -individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are -located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from -copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative -works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg -are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project -Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by -freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of -this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with -the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by -keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project -Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. - -1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern -what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in -a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check -the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement -before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or -creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project -Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning -the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United -States. - -1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: - -1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate -access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently -whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the -phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project -Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, -copied or distributed: - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - -1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived -from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is -posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied -and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees -or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work -with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the -work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 -through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the -Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or -1.E.9. - -1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted -with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution -must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional -terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked -to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the -permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. - -1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm -License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this -work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. - -1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this -electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without -prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with -active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project -Gutenberg-tm License. - -1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, -compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any -word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or -distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than -"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version -posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), -you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a -copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon -request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other -form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm -License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. - -1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, -performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works -unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. - -1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing -access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided -that - -- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from - the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method - you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is - owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he - has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the - Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments - must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you - prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax - returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and - sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the - address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to - the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." - -- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies - you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he - does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm - License. You must require such a user to return or - destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium - and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of - Project Gutenberg-tm works. - -- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any - money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the - electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days - of receipt of the work. - -- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free - distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. - -1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set -forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from -both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael -Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the -Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. - -1.F. - -1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable -effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread -public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm -collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain -"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or -corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual -property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a -computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by -your equipment. - -1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right -of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project -Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all -liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal -fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT -LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE -PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE -TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE -LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR -INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH -DAMAGE. - -1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a -defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can -receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a -written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you -received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with -your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with -the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a -refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity -providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to -receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy -is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further -opportunities to fix the problem. - -1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth -in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS', WITH NO OTHER -WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO -WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. - -1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied -warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. -If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the -law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be -interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by -the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any -provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. - -1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the -trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone -providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance -with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, -promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, -harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, -that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do -or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm -work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any -Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. - - -Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm - -Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of -electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers -including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists -because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from -people in all walks of life. - -Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the -assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's -goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will -remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure -and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. -To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation -and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 -and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org - - -Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive -Foundation - -The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit -501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the -state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal -Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification -number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg -Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent -permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. - -The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. -Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered -throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at 809 -North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email -contact links and up to date contact information can be found at the -Foundation's web site and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact - -For additional contact information: - Dr. Gregory B. Newby - Chief Executive and Director - gbnewby@pglaf.org - -Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg -Literary Archive Foundation - -Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide -spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of -increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be -freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest -array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations -($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt -status with the IRS. - -The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating -charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United -States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a -considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up -with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations -where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To -SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any -particular state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate - -While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we -have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition -against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who -approach us with offers to donate. - -International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make -any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from -outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. - -Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation -methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other -ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. -To donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate - - -Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works. - -Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm -concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared -with anyone. For forty years, he produced and distributed Project -Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. - -Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed -editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. -unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily -keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. - -Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: - - www.gutenberg.org - -This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, -including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to -subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. - +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 43757 *** diff --git a/43757-0.zip b/43757-0.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 5bf471d..0000000 --- a/43757-0.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/43757-8.txt b/43757-8.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 4c578d4..0000000 --- a/43757-8.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,5177 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Seductio Ad Absurdum, by Emily Hahn - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - - -Title: Seductio Ad Absurdum - The Principles & Practices of Seduction, A Beginner's Handbook - -Author: Emily Hahn - -Release Date: September 17, 2013 [EBook #43757] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SEDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM *** - - - - -Produced by Roger Frank and Sue Clark - - - - - SEDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM - - - - - ("Now I lay me--" - OLD PRAYER) - - - - - In preparation - THE SEDUCER'S _VENI MECUM_ - A COURSE FOR ADVANCED STUDENTS - - - - - SEDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM - - The Principles & Practices - of Seduction - - A Beginner's Handbook - - _by Emily Hahn_ - - 1930 - - New York - BREWER AND WARREN INC. - PAYSON & CLARKE LTD. - - - - - COPYRIGHT, 1930, BY EMILY HAHN - - First Printing before Publication March 1930 - Second Printing before Publication March 1930 - - SET UP, ELECTROTYPED, PRINTED AND BOUND - IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA - BY H. WOLFF ESTATE, NEW YORK, N. Y. - - - - - DEDICATED TO - HERBERT ASBURY - WHO TOLD ME TO WRITE IT DOWN - - - - - INTRODUCTION - -Although seduction as an applied art has been slowly developing over a -period of several generations, the science of seduction has so far been -largely neglected. While the value of the empirical knowledge acquired -by early practitioners and transmitted to us by a great body of -folk-lore should not be minimized, the trial and error methods of these -precursors, both amateur and professional, are to be deplored as crude; -for however refined they may have been in application, there is evidence -that they were lacking in that exactness in observation which could make -them valuable to science. - -Only a very few though hardy pioneers have in the past, recognized the -necessity for organizing man's empirical knowledge of this vast subject -on a rational basis, and it is due to their unselfish labours alone that -we now have a sufficient body of observed phenomena, a sufficient -accumulation of data, to make possible the beginnings of a true science -of seduction. It is the purpose of this book, to co-ordinate the efforts -of these for the most part anonymous and forgotten contributors, these -modest, silent benefactors, and to attempt a proper classification -within the subject: to adumbrate such practical methods of procedure as -may in the, let us hope, near future develop into a sure technique. -Owing to the limitations of space and the present confused state of the -subject, it is of necessity only possible here to indicate the lines -which such a development must follow. It is my desire to confine this -work to a purely practical consideration of the subject, and to make it -a handbook in the hope that my students and those who come after me will -be the better able to add to the body of our observed knowledge of -seduction and to indicate the more clearly for my shortcomings along -what lines improvement is required. - - - - - WHAT IS SEDUCTION? - - -In the first place, the word itself is unfortunately obscure, possessing -an ambiguity which we must resolve before we can proceed. I have -assembled an assortment of representative definitions, which follows: - - Se-duce (se-dus) _v.t._; SE-DUCED (se-dust); SE-DUCING - (-dusing). [L. _seducere, seductum; se-aside_--_ducere_ to lead. - See DUKE.] I. To lead aside or astray, esp. from the path of - rectitude or duty; to entice to evil; to corrupt. - -"For me, the gold of France did not _seduce_." ---_Shakespeare_ ---_Webster's New International Dictionary_ - - Seduce, _v.t._ Lead astray, tempt into sin or crime, corrupt; - persuade (woman) into surrender of chastity, debauch. - - --_Concise Oxford Dictionary_ - - Seduire: _v.a._ (du lat. _seducere_, conduire à l'écart. Se - conj. comme _conduire_). Faire tomber en erreur ou en faute par - ses insinuations, ses exemples. - - --_Larousse_ - -Seduccion: Acciôn y effecto de seducir. -Seducfr: Engañar con are y maña, persuadir suavemente al mal. - ---_Enciclopedia Universal Illustrada_. - - Sedurre (Seduzione, n) Ridurre con vane o false apparenze al - nostre valere e al male. - - --_Dizionario Universale delta Lingua Italiana. Petrocchi_ - - Verfiihrung; in geschlechtlicher Beziehung ein Mädchen - verführen. - - --_Deutsches Wörterbuch ... Heynes_ - -It is obvious that these interpretations all suffer from a common fault: -they fail to reflect the modern ramifications of the word. As a matter -of fact, seduction is undergoing a great change. - -The rudiments of the custom may be observed in the remnants of primitive -society that we are able to study. Certain aboriginal tribes practise -polyandry as an economic adjustment to the surplus of males.[1] With the -development of civilization we find that adaptation tends to take the -form of matriarchy, as in the United States.[2] - -In the early days of our culture, seduction was practised upon certain -species of recognized placer in the social system, and thus attained a -certain grade of standardization. There were the seduced (always the -feminine sex) and the seducers (masculine). It would appear that with -the aforementioned rise of matriarchy this state of affairs is changing. -The predatory instinct of humanity is not confined to the male. However, -the line of reasoning suggested is too vast to follow in the limits of a -small volume, and I mention it merely that the student may think about -it at his leisure as he peruses the forthcoming chapters. - -The extraordinary development of prostitution in the nineteenth century -prefaced the present phase with a last manifestation of the old social -attitude. Relying upon the assumption that the male seduces the female, -we are faced in this modern world with the undeniable fact that the -ranks of the seduced--i.e., the unprotected young women of society--are -also shifting and changing. The orderly arrangement which we have been -led to expect is breaking up. In former times our women were divided -into two main classes, or groups: - - (a) Professionals (those who made a vocation of being - seduced)[3] - - (b) Amateurs (those to whom the process of being seduced was a - side line).[4] - -However in late years there has grown up among us a third class, -designated as (c), The only familiar term which has yet been applied was -coined by Doctor Ethel Waters, who invented for them the descriptive -appellation "freebies" in recognition of their independent stand in the -matter of economics and convention. These revolutionists have formulated -a philosophy which draws upon those of both older classes for its -sources. To be freebie, seduction is neither a means of livelihood, as -in the case of class (a), nor inevitable disgrace, as it is with class -(b).[5] - -It is undoubtedly this school of thought that influenced the Missouri -jurist who, after a long and tiresome case of seduction, in which he -found for the defendant, made a pronouncement from the bench to the -effect that "There is no such thing as seduction."[6] Although in my -opinion this statement is somewhat extreme for our purposes, it serves -to demonstrate the modern trend of sentiment.[7] - -The modern social attitude had its prototype in the days of Cleopatra, -where, as every classical scholar knows, the women of the upper classes -exhibited an amazing independence. In Rome and Alexandria "the -professional courtesans were gloomily complaining that their business -had been hard hit by the fact that the ladies of fashion asked no -payment for exertions of a similar nature."[8] - -Taking these facts into consideration, we must admit that in the light -of modern improvement a new definition is required: one more in line -with present day practice. For the purpose of this treatise let it be -understood therefore that _seduction is the process of persuading -someone to do that which he or she has wanted to do all the time_. - ------ - -Footnote 1: - -The Sexual Life of Savages. B. Malinowski. - -Footnote 2: - -Domestic Manners of the Americans. By Frances Trollope. New York; Dodd, -Mead and Company, 1927. - -Footnote 3: - -Recreations of a Merchant, or the Christian Sketch Book. By William A. -Brewer. Boston. See also Hatrack by Herbert Asbury, The American -Mercury, April, 1926; and The Brass Check. By Upton Sinclair. Pasadena. - -Footnote 4: - -The Beautiful Victim: Being a Full Account of the Seduction and Sorrows -of Miss Mary Kirkpatrick (National Police Gazette: 1862). - -Footnote 5: - -The Green Hat. By Michael Arlen. - -Footnote 6: - -Eddinger versus Thompson: Harris j. - -Footnote 7: - -For further exposition of juridical aspects of the subject see Die -Zivilrechtlichen Ansprüche von Frauenspersonen aus aus-serehelichem -Beischlafe: Hans Hochstein. - -Footnote 8: - -Personalities of Antiquity ... Arthur Weigall. - - - SEDUCTION IN HISTORY - -The records preserved from older civilizations are (as has been said -before) too fundamental in treatment to be of much value to us in the -matter of details. We know, however, that the mythology and folklore of -any race presents a more or less accurate idea of the customs of the -time. Granting an amount of exaggeration in the fables, we have still -the proof that seduction has always been a recognized practice in -Heaven. Scarcely a god has not dabbled in the art at one time or -another. In the first place they start off with the advantages of -divinity and a working knowledge of black magic.[9] They could be called -seducers in the true sense of the word only by courtesy. Jupiter, to -take an example, used methods of archaic and brutal simplicity. To be -sure, he would sometimes take the trouble to turn himself into a swan or -a bull or a shower of gold, but such exercises are second nature to a -deity and cause no delay or exhaustion. Ammon, the Egyptian god, -associated exclusively with royalty, and no one thought of calling him -to task for such moral irregularities. On the contrary, the kingly -family was proud of him.[10] - -A close study of the ancient Indians reveals the fact that they deemed -seduction one of the most important of the arts, rivalling philosophy in -popularity as a study.[11] The Chinese with their customary reserve, -make no mention of such matters in official papers, but a quantity of -poetry and maxims discloses a keen Oriental interest in the topic.[12] -The Old Testament abounds in stories of seduction by means of trickery, -bribery and simple persuasion. It is safe to assume from the records -that seduction in all parts of the civilized world was at about the same -stage of primary development. - -The Middle Ages show some progress. Literature was growing into an -important culture, and we have much more source material. There are -manifestations of refinement in the ancient game, but at the same time -the world was not as light-hearted about these matters as it had been in -the past. The growth of the Church, with its set ideas of these subjects -and its zeal to catalogue the sins of mankind and to deal out punishment -accordingly, gave to seduction its greatest impetus. At no other time in -history has such a vast amount of time and thought been expended on one -idea. It became a sin, and therefore a necessity. - -Added to the stimulation of the churchly attitude was that of the caste -system, which made seduction the only means of communication between the -classes. The Renaissance introduced a new fashion, persuasion by means -of bribery. Kings and their courtiers led the movement by elevating -their mistresses to dizzy heights of power and wealth. The sixteenth, -seventeenth and eighteenth centuries witnessed an influx of new families -and the ascent of many a lowly maiden. Several of the noblest families -of England trace their origin to such glittering seductions.[13] Indeed -this process became at one time so notorious that it crept into folklore -and has been preserved for us in many a ballad, of which the following -is representative: - - "She was poor but she was honest, - Victim of the Squire's whim." - -Even before this period, England had introduced a variation of the art -in the form of Chivalry. This school of behaviour, while professing an -ignorance of the very rudiments of seduction, nevertheless played an -important part in its development, as is convincingly illustrated by the -old song: - - "In days of old, when knights were bold - And barons held their sway, - A warrior bold, with spurs of gold, - Sang merrily his lay." - -But aside from the royal habits, there was no imagination, no finesse to -seduction. It was a stereotyped affair, a furtive irregularity, a silly -little sin. The seduction of the middle classes was a monotonous -business, popular only by reason of the danger it entailed. It has -remained for our modern world to raise it to a place of dignity among -the leading interests of all society. - ------ - -Footnote 9: - -Bulfinch's Mythology. - -Footnote 10: - -The Golden Bough. Sir J. Frazer. - -Footnote 11: - -The Kama Sutra. - -Footnote 12: - -Colored Stars. E. Powys Mathers. Houghton Mifflin. - -Footnote 13: - -Cf. The Complete Peerage. - - - - - THIS MODERN WORLD - - -What are the reasons for this recent tendency? There are many answers. -In the first place, mankind need no longer turn the whole of its energy -to defence and sustenance. The life of the average man is not completely -devoted to his business. He is a rarely active person if one-third of -his day is given over to actual work. - - "I work eight hours, I sleep eight hours, - That leaves eight hours for love." - --_Popular ballad_ - -Otherwise what does he do with his time? - - "What makes the business man tired? - What does the business man do?" - --_Popular song_ - -He reads, he plays, sometimes he wages war, and for the rest of the time -he sleeps, eats and makes love. We find ourselves in a restless age, a -time of experiment; when almost everyone is urged by the same desire to -revise and improve. - -It is the Golden Age of good living, consequently it is the age of -impending boredom. In such an atmosphere we would expect to find a -development of parlour pastimes. These conditions, this pleasant -leisure, this much vaunted, generally diffused prosperity, this -impatience for hallowed tradition and the time-honoured devices for -improving one's time, have given rise to crossword puzzles, -introspection, and modern seduction. - - - DIFFICULTIES OF RESEARCH - -Since the connotation of the word has been altered, I venture to assert -that there have been converted to the practices of seduction at least -twice as many devotees as had flourished before. This statement will -undoubtedly be challenged: once more, I make no doubt, the skeptical -will object to my conclusions on the grounds that a scientific recluse -is of necessity withdrawn from the world and its customs and is thus -automatically excluded as a responsible judge of sociological problems. -It might be appropriate in this preface to enter a plea for our great -body of research workers who are submitted to this sort of amateur -criticism. The path of the scientist is beset with difficulties of every -nature; not only those in the natural line of his work, but the -wholesale hostility of the uninformed layman who does not understand the -hardships and delays of laboratory procedure. In this case I hope to -forestall criticism by claiming to have followed a conscientious program -of newspaper reading. My statement is based on the knowledge common to -the layman. I cite as proof the columns of the newspapers, both the -items of fact and the syndicated columns which, it would appear, devote -seventy-five per cent of their space to discussion of the present -generation and what to do about it. - -Indeed other students of society have gone farther, much farther. Dr. -Henry W. Gardner, eminent social psychologist, seven years ago devoted -his doctor's thesis to the so-called conditions of morality then -prevailing on the "campus." With highly commendable enthusiasm, this -scholar spent almost the entire school year in an alder bush that grew -on the edge of a secluded path known to irreverent minds as Lover's -Lane, where the youths of the university were wont to take their evening -strolls. He adduced the following significant statistics: - -Of the 3,061 automobiles that drove through the lane in one week, 2,009 -stopped, and 2,005 turned off the motors. Of these, 154 drove on again -after periods of time varying to an upper limit of five minutes. Of the -remainder, 1,788 parked for periods of not less than one hour and not -more than two hours and three-quarters. Dr. Gardner ascribed the -fixation of these limits to the period between the beginning of darkness -(which of course varied with the season) and the "coeds'" curfew. - -Of the remaining sixty-three, forty-nine of the automobiles spent the -entire night in the lane. The fate of the other fourteen will never be -known: they were all still there on the historic night when a watchman -stumbled over Dr. Gardner's feet and took him to jail before he could -explain. The vicissitudes and obstacles that stand in the scientist's -way cannot be overestimated. This deplorable incident is merely one -example of the prevalent attitude. - -Another of his experiments was to fix a dictaphone beneath the old oak -bench at the far end of Lover's Lane. He did this shortly after the -unfortunate episode of the jail, and for eleven nights he was thus -enabled to sit at his ease in the laboratory, taking notes. (I myself -have much reason to thank and commend Dr. Gardner's foresight: these -notes, while they have not been used as source material, have -nevertheless allowed me to corroborate many of my own conclusions.) - - - METHOD OF TREATMENT - -The method used in this treatise is the result of much thought. After -attempting several other outlines, I have come to the conclusion that -the most graphic representation is that of hypothetical cases for each -lesson--i.e., each chapter represents a typical case, or synthetic -experience. The student may at first glance object to this treatment, -but a short survey will, I hope, convince him that the system is the -only adequate one possible. Note that each experiment is couched in -colloquial terms, the better to carry the atmosphere of the lesson. Of -course the student is expected to vary the program according to his own -requirements: these experiments are to serve merely as outlines. I have -attempted to avoid as far as possible that wealth of technical -terminology so dear to the heart of the average scientific author and so -trying to the beginner: I have dared to hope that my compilation would -be an aid not only to that small band who have dedicated their lives -exclusively to research, but also to the great masses, the dilettantes -and amateurs who might be able to find some inspiration in these pages. - -The preparation, both research and field work, has been arduous, but -what accomplishment was ever valuable without some labour and pains? If -my contribution to scientific literature has in some small measure -advanced the penetration of my fellow man and eased his path of loving, -I am amply repaid. - -In conclusion, I wish to thank those who have worked with me. Without -their unfailing patience, sympathy and assiduity this little book could -never have been written. - -_New York_. -_Thanksgiving, 1929._ -E. H. - - - - -EXPERIMENTS - -WHAT IS SEDUCTION? - -THIS MODERN WORLD - -CHAPTER - -1. I THINK YOU HAVE A GREAT CAPACITY FOR LIVING - -2. JUST ANOTHER LITTLE ONE - -3. FEEL MY MUSCLE - -4. YOU'RE NOT THE DOMESTIC TYPE - -5. I'M BAD - -6. AN UGLY OLD THING LIKE ME - -7. BE INDEPENDENT! - -8. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR HUSBAND'S DOING? - -9. MUSIC GETS ME - -10. EVERYBODY DOES - -11. THIS BUSINESS - -12. GAME LITTLE KID - -13. PROMISE ME YOU WON'T - -14. AH, WHAT IS LIFE? - -15. A MAN MY AGE - -16. GONNA BE NICE? - -17. LIFE IS SHORT - -18. I'D HAVE SAID YOU WERE FROM NEW YORK - -19. SHE LOVED ME FOR THE DANGERS - -BIBLIOGRAPHY - - - - - 1. I THINK YOU HAVE A GREAT CAPACITY FOR LIVING - - -_TYPE:_ - - Well-to-do man with slightly artistic tendencies; the sort that - believes first in money, then in full enjoyment of it. His - philosophy is practical but not too limited to material - considerations; in other words, he talks well on almost any - subject. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Slightly younger, but of the same breed. The families of the two - protagonists have probably been friendly for two generations. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - A restaurant: one of the more leisurely ones where the dishes do - not rattle but an orchestra makes conversation just as - difficult. - -_REMARKS:_ - - The keynote of the approach is a tacit appreciation of - intelligence on the part of the subject. This sympathetic - attitude is very important. Think it all over carefully, put a - flower in your buttonhole and go ahead. - - - I THINK YOU HAVE A GREAT CAPACITY FOR LIVING - -You have reached the coffee and are putting up a brave fight against the -orchestra before going out into the privacy of the street. - -_She:_ And we didn't get home, after all, until two o'clock. I was so -angry: it spoiled the evening. - -_You:_ Angry! I don't think that you could ever be angry. - -_She:_ Oh, yes, you don't know me at all. I have a _dreadful_ temper. - -_You:_ Well, it doesn't somehow fit in with my idea of you, you see. No, -I must disagree with you. You haven't a temper. It's impossible for you -to have a really earthly emotion. - -_She (somewhat irritated):_ Why, how can you say such a thing? - -_You:_ You're a strangely aloof child, you know. - -_She (after a pleased little silence):_ That's not nice of you. - -_You:_ Why not? It's so nice of you, you know. - -_She:_ Oh, do you really think so? I'm sure I don't try to be. No.... -(_with a charming smile_)--you're quite wrong. It's the rest of them -that are different. I'm really very normal. - -_You:_ Normal? Oh, my dear! And yet, after all, it's not very funny. -Perhaps it's a tragedy. - -_She:_ What is? - -_You:_ Your attitude toward life. - -_She:_ Why, I have no attitude! - -_You:_ There you are; that's just it. Someone of us mortals tries to -tell you how we--how flesh-and-blood beings react to you, and you simply -open those clear eyes of yours, and--well, how can I go on talking in -the face of such bland ignorance? - -_She:_ Ignorance! Why I don't.... - -_You:_ Oh, surely you know how ignorant you are? You must remain -ignorant with deliberation. It's part of your charm, of course, but ... -oh, how charming you could be, in another way! - -_She:_ Really.... (_suddenly her voice warms and she leans a little over -the table, talking eagerly_) No, you're perfectly right. I mean from -your viewpoint, of course. One thing that you forget, though, is that I -don't feel the way that you and the rest of them do. I can't really -understand it myself, and yet ... oh, all that sort of thing; emotion -and all that; seems so ... so messy. - -_You:_ Messy? My dear child, what sort of people can you have known? - -_She:_ Perfectly normal people, I assure you. No, it's my own fault. -It's me, and I can't help it. Emotion to me has always seemed--no thank -you, just demi-tasse--seemed common. Not aristocratic. That's rather a -snide thing to say, isn't it? I don't mean to sound that way. - -_You:_ I know you don't. (_The music plays without competition for a -moment_). But how sad! - -_She:_ Sad? Oh no. I get along quite well. I'm really very happy, except -once in a while. I'm as happy, that is, as you can possibly be for all -your--your normality. - -_You:_ But what a strange way for an intelligent person like yourself to -think! Have you no curiosity? - -_She:_ Oh, certainly. To an extent. But when curiosity conflicts with -one's disgusts.... - -_You:_ Disgusts? Now you are certainly wrong. It gives you away. - -_She:_ Yes, that was a silly thing to say. - -_You:_ Don't you think that you allow your mind to rule you too much? -It's really dangerous. I mean it. Surely your intelligence tells you -that a well-rounded personality.... - -_She:_ But I told you; I don't want to experiment! - -_You:_ I can't believe that you are in a position to judge. You don't -really know what you want; you don't know what to want. I don't believe -you for a minute when you say you are happy. Lovely, yes; but lovely in -a melancholy way. How can you know about yourself, you wise child? Tell -me, are you always so serene? - -_She:_ You're getting much too serious. Let's dance. - -_You:_ I don't want to dance with you just now. I think you're trying to -run away from me as you have always run away from questions. Do you -know, you're a most deceptive person. When I met you, I said to myself, -"She is sensitive," but I never thought of you as being beautiful. I'm -being frank, do you mind? But I see now that you are. I see that you are -rarely beautiful, but that you do not wish to be. Isn't that true? - -_She:_ Why no, of course not. I don't understand it all. - -_You:_ It's just this, and I don't care whether or not I offend you. In -fact, I hope I do. Someone ought to offend you now and then. You're -committing a crime, not only against us but against yourself. If I had -my way--and I'm not being selfish, either-- - -_She (blazing):_ As though any of you weren't selfish! - -_You:_ What? - -_She:_ I'm so tired of it all. Don't you think I hear something like -this every day of my life? All of you working for yourselves, arguing -for yourselves, talking eternally about the same thing. I can't stand -any more of it. I'm sick of it. - -_You (gravely):_ I beg your pardon, but you're not being quite polite, -are you? You're a bit unjust. - -_She:_ Perhaps I'm rather excited. Sorry. - -_You:_ Perhaps not. This is the result of a long silence, isn't it? You -have never spoken like this before? - -_She:_ Yes, that's it. - -_You (leaning forward):_ My dear, if I've said anything.... - -_She (faintly):_ No, it's nothing. Tell me, how can you--all of you--be -so cold blooded and unfastidious at the same time? - -_You:_ Oh, but you are wrong. I'm sure that as a rule we are more -fastidious than you could possibly know. I'm sorry that I've disturbed -you--Check, please! I'm going to take you home. - -_She:_ No, I was foolish. You're right. I'm sure you're right. But I -couldn't help it. Have I hurt you? - -_You:_ Let's forget it all. Let's go somewhere and talk about other -things. (_You rise and start to the door._) I didn't want to spoil the -evening, much as you seemed to think so. Should we go to my place and -look at the print I just bought? It's so early to take you home. - -_She:_ Yes, that would be nice. - -_You:_ There, you see; I've done you an injustice. You're quite human -underneath it all. Probably someone has hurt you, and you won't tell me -about it. I think, my dear, that you have a very great capacity for -living. Let's take one with the top down. TAXI!! - - - - - 2. JUST ANOTHER LITTLE ONE - - -_TYPE:_ - - Virile, young, simple. A man who does not waste time on - philosophical reflections; who knows what he wants and stops at - nothing but sacrifice to get it. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Very young, semi-sophisticated. That is, she has been warned but - not insulated. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Victrola - 1 Radio - 1 Bottle Scotch - 1 Automobile - 1 House--Anybody's - 1 Party - -_REMARKS:_ - - The inclusion in the collection of this lesson is accompanied by - some misgivings on my part. It is a method of which we do not - approve. The true seduction does not depend upon mechanical - devices such as alcohol. I counsel my students to save this - method until all else fails, for it leads to a slackness and a - lazy attitude toward the work. Moreover, it is against the law - in this country to buy liquor or to carry it around. - - - JUST ANOTHER LITTLE ONE - -1. The introduction. Give everyone full notice, but when her name is -mentioned, employ the personal touch in your bow--the lingering glance -shading off in friendly admiration. - -2. Wait half an hour, perhaps employing the time with a drink. Dance -with everyone else and be looking at her twice when she glances your -way. - -3. Suddenly walking over to her, you should look accusingly at the -half-full glass in her hand. - -"You don't mean to tell me that's your first?" - -"Yes." - -"Say, who are you anyway? Have I ever seen you around?" - -"No, Joe and Edna brought me. I don't know anyone here very well." - -"Who's Joe?" - -"The little fellow over there." - -"Your heavy?" - -"Silly! No, of course not. He and Edna just got married. That's why -they're having this party, isn't it?" - -"I don't know. I was invited, that's all I know. Well, see you later." - -Get up and go away at this point; too much at first is too much. - -4. Soon after this it is likely that the lady will finish her glass -mechanically; and the next one will go down with more alacrity. Keep an -eye on her, and when she has finished the second one come back and ask -her to dance. If you are a good dancer the whole thing is easier, but so -few of you are. - -Put her down when it is over, smile at her politely and go away again. -This mystifies her. - -5. Two drinks later. Don't drink too much; this requires as much -concentration as any other business. It's time now to focus the attack. - -After two or three dances the room seems uncomfortably warm, and now -that she is accustomed to being monopolized she won't be averse to -stepping outdoors with you to get cool. Any car will do if it is -unoccupied. - -There will be a slightly awkward pause; breathless and afraid on her -part. Then she realizes that your intentions are all right and she is -ashamed of her own suspicions. - -"My, but it must have been warm in there," she says. "I didn't realize -it. What a lovely night!" - -"Yeah, the gang's crazy to stay indoors in this weather.... Say, what do -you do all the time? I haven't seen you around." - -"Well, I haven't been in town very long. I'm visiting Edna." - -"Having a good time?" - -"Oh, yes. Everyone's been so nice to me." - -"Naturally they would be, to you. I guess you have a pretty good time -wherever you go." - -"Aw, that's an old one!" - -"You don't swallow everything you hear, do you? Well, that's right." ... -a burst of music comes through the window ... "Say, I've got a drink or -two here. Want one?" - -"Oh no--I've had enough. But you go right ahead." - -"Nope, I don't drink without company." - -"Well--just a little one." - -6. After the bottle has been tucked away again, settle down with a deep -sigh and put your arm around her. While she's wondering if she ought to -let it stay there, turn around and pull her head over to yours, very -lazily and comfortably. - -"No! Please." - -"All right." - -Release her, avoiding all trace of petulance. She can think that over -for a while. - -7. After a long time, reach for the bottle again. - -"Just another little one?" - -Of course she doesn't want to be a complete prig-- - -"All right. But aren't you drinking a lot?" - -"No. I never take too much." - -There really isn't much to say. You don't want conversation; she knows -you don't. She does--or does she? She doesn't know what she wants, just -now. You've flustered her and upset her and started her thinking and you -aren't doing anything to help her out. She wonders why you don't say -something. She can't think of anything to say. She's thinking too hard -of something which you have evidently forgotten. It is almost a relief -when you put your arm around her again. Something definite, anyway. Even -when you kiss her she doesn't protest. She thinks that it wasn't bad -anyway; in fact it was a nice kiss--not too long nor too enthusiastic. - -And as a matter of fact, this particular subject should not be a -connoisseur of kisses. She would like to discuss it. Whenever she has -been kissed before, the occasion seemed more momentous, with prelude of -conversation and aftermath of protestation. Your absolute indifference -intrigues her. You've evidently forgotten all about it already. - -8. And then you yawn. Yawn and burrow your head in her breast in an -affectionate, friendly manner; dropping off to sleep immediately. She -sits very still and straight, hoping that you'll wake up, hoping you -won't, hoping no one is watching you from the porch, wondering why she -isn't objecting, wondering why she should, wondering about life in -general.... It's all because she drank so much of that whiskey. She -really doesn't feel so well. Sort of mixed up. Why don't you wake up? -She wants to go in and dance; it must be late. How did this get started -anyway? - -9. She stirs a little at last, for her arm is going to sleep, and this -wakes you. Open your eyes and pull her face down to yours--it's the most -natural thing to do under the circumstances. "Sweet thing." - -She is reassured. You are thinking of her, then. You've become once more -a person, a man, instead of an abstract problem. And she knows how to -deal with people, even with men. It's this other thing that worries her; -this horrible impersonal wondering; this feeling of enmity that lurks in -the air when people forget you and go to sleep. Although she couldn't -put it into words.... - -10. "Another drink, sweet thing?" - -"I guess so." - -"Sure, just another little one now." - -She isn't thinking at all now. If she were she'd probably suggest going -in, for it is late and she wants to dance. But it doesn't seem late; it -doesn't seem as though time is going on at all. She isn't thinking. She -doesn't start to think even when you kiss her more enthusiastically and -not so lazily. This must be the way a plant feels on a hot summer day -when it hasn't anything to do but grow. Not happy; not sad. - -It is only when she realized at last that you are growing importunate -that she stirs herself and protests. She isn't sure what to say; the -protest is more a matter of habit than anything else.... Everything is a -habit.... And once more, for the last time, you say "Yes. One more. Just -another little one." - - - - - 3. FEEL MY MUSCLE - - -_TYPE:_ - - The man of action, of firm convictions and a limited sympathy - for anyone who does not agree with him. Timid or sickly persons - are advised to avoid this method. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - An old-fashioned girl, apt to get a thrill when forcibly - reminded of her comparative weakness. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Bathing Beach - 1 Life-saving Uniform - 2 Hot Dogs - -_REMARKS:_ - - We all have some primitive instincts, even now. A crude - exhibition of brute strength is fascinating to most of us, deny - it as we will. The psychological basis for the reaction of the - subject is probably a feeling that she will not have to bear the - responsibility for whatever may happen. - - - FEEL MY MUSCLE - -The holiday crowd is thinning out. Dusk shrouds the less decorative -elements of the beach--the ragged holes left by children and the empty, -soiled paper lunch boxes. Those revelers who are left see only the long -curving line of the shore and a mysterious intermittent foaming as the -lazy waves crash slowly against the sand. - -Eloise lounges on the beach, watching the slow ebb of the Sunday gaiety. -She thinks vaguely of going in for one more dip before she gets dressed; -thinks of the shock of cold water on her already-dry bathing suit; -thinks of the damp, dank-smelling dressing-room, and decides to postpone -the whole thing for a few minutes. There is no hurry and she isn't cold. -She runs her hand through her fuzzy hair and yawns. She is a slim girl -with a slightly bored expression, and she is younger than she looks. - -It has been a pleasant Sunday, withal rather dull. She hasn't come to -the beach alone; she and the other file-clerk in the office have -ventured out together. But Bessie has met up with a boy-friend and -disappeared. Eloise does not hold a grudge against her for her -desertion; it is understood that such accidents are likely to happen on -Sunday afternoon. But she surveys the long lonely ride home with -distaste. She chews her wad of Juicy Fruit dreamily and gives to the -ukelele clutched to her diaphragm a pensive plunk. - -It is at this moment that you sight her. You are strolling along the -beach on your way in, after an arduous day of life-saving. Not that -anyone has needed his life saved, but three blondes and two brunettes -have required swimming lessons and all of them have been plump. By this -time you prefer them slender; all the ladies tattooed on your arms are -very slender indeed; and two of them wear red bathing-suits of the same -shade as Eloise's. You stop short when you see her and wonder if you -haven't seen her before somewhere. You decide that you haven't; and -regret the fact. You wonder if she has noticed you. If she has, she -doesn't show it. Not a missed beat has interrupted the mastication of -her chewing-gum. - -True to your vocation, adopt a nautical method of approach. In other -words, tack. First walk along a line inclined at forty-five degrees to -the most direct approach to Eloise. Somewhere at her right pause -suddenly and examine a sand-crab. Then look up quickly, obviously under -the impression that someone is calling you. After carefully looking at -everything else on the beach, drop your eyes to Eloise, who blinks and -turns away. - -Sigh loudly and drop heavily and prone on the sand near her feet. -Startled, she looks at you again. Grin and flip a pebble at her. - -"Say!" says Eloise, indignantly. - -"What do you say, girlie?" you counter. Then raise yourself in sections -and redrape your lean length on the log next to her. "Ain't you -lonesome?" you add. - -It is a rhetorical question purely, but she does not want to play. She -chooses to take you literally. - -"Not much," she retorts. "I'm waiting for a guy." - -Answer promptly, "Not any more, you ain't." - -She compresses her lips and ignores you, fingering the strings of the -ukelele in an abstracted way. It has no effect. Pat her arm and say: - -"Give us a tune, kid?" - -"Fresh!" she says scornfully. "Who you crowding?" - -"Aw, don't be mean," you plead. "Give us a tune." - -Eloise shakes her head quickly and decisively. "I didn't ask you over!" -she reminds you. It is a warning that she is on her guard; that she is a -difficult proposition; that she is a Nice Girl. - -"Well, gee, can't a guy try to be human?" Your voice should be petulant -and youthful. "I was just trying to be human. I was lonesome." It is a -plaintive speech, and you look plaintive. But nevertheless you are a -masculine being, strong and undefeated. Probably it is the bathing suit, -or perhaps the air with which you light your cigarette. Eloise gazes at -your profile in uncertainty. End the pause by casting away the match and -turning to her. - -"So when I seen you I couldn't help talking. If you don't like it I'll -go away. I got my pride, too." - -This is a little better. "Oh, well, if you didn't mean to be fresh. You -know a girl has got to be careful." - -"Sure," you say, nodding. "I bet _you_ do, all right." - -"What do you mean?" - -"Aw, you know what I mean!" say to her ardently. "Anybody ever tell you -your eyes are pretty?" - -"Fresh!" She starts picking at the ukelele again, slightly confused. - -"Come on now, babe," you plead again. "Give us a tune." - -"I don't know anything new," she apologizes in advance. "Do you know -that one 'I Can't Give You Anything But Love'?" - -"Go ahead," you murmur. - -She plays the song, and then another, and another. The sun approaches -the horizon and the ocean turns dark and green. - -"Gee," says Eloise in low tones, "I got to go." - -"Wait a minute, babe." Stand up and rumple her hair affectionately -before leaving. Eloise shrouds herself in her bathrobe and waits. -Presently you come back through the night, carrying two hot-dogs -dripping mustard. - -"Surround that," you order, proffering one. "It's a swell night. Anybody -worrying about you? You cold?" - -She shakes her head hesitantly. "N-no. But I'll have to go soon; it's -awfully late." - -You munch hungrily while the breeze dies down over the water. Then -shift, disposing yourself more comfortably, and grunt contentedly. -Eloise gives the head in her lap a little push, but it rolls back. She -decides to ignore it. - -"Gosh," you say at last, "a night like this is enough to make anybody -feel soft. Even a guy like me." - -"Yeah, I bet you're a hard guy!" she cries. - -Lift your head and prop it on your hand. "Say, listen, babe! Anybody who -says I ain't, don't know me! Does anybody ever bother you? Some of these -drugstore sheiks ever get fresh?" - -She hangs her head. "Well...." - -"Well," cut her short, "if they do, send 'em around!" Make your voice -ominous. "Don't let anybody tell you different. Look here." Raise your -arm and clench your fist. "Feel that. There." - -Eloise puts out a tentative and timid finger. "Ooo!" she cries. "Yes, I -guess you _could_ hit. I guess I wouldn't ever try to get _you_ sore!" - -"Baby," murmur tenderly, "you couldn't get me sore if you tried. I knew -the minute I seen you you was a sweet kid. If anybody ever bothers you -again, tell me. A nice kid like you hadn't ought to go around without -somebody taking care of you. I remember once...." Here you stop. -Somewhere down the beach another ukelele plays softly. You sigh and -grope through the dark. She tries futilely to dislodge you. - -"I really got to be going," she protests, somewhat frightened. She is -always somewhat frightened when the fellows get too fresh. - -"Now listen, babe. You ain't afraid of me, You needn't be. Don't go away -yet; you're all right. Just a little longer." And yet, as before, for -all your pleading tones there should be a hint of strength in your -speech. Eloise yields, but whether to your imploring or your strength -she does not know. - -"Well," she says, "if you're nice." - -Silence lives on the beach, except for the tiny wailing of the ukelele. -Silently the water undulates and the moon creeps over the edge of it. - -"Quit it!" says Eloise, giggling nervously. Do not answer. "Aw, quit!" -Still you do not answer. "Please! You're too strong. Oh, quit!" - -The other ukelele still plays, spreading over the night a sweet layer of -romance; singing of exotic love on a whiter, warmer beach in a more -delicate world; singing of love, as though love were a thing to be sung. - - - - - 4. YOU'RE NOT THE DOMESTIC TYPE - - -_TYPE:_ - - The sensitive young man with a predilection for virtuous married - women. Charmingly impetuous. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - A virtuous married woman. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Living room - 1 Chaise-longue - -_REMARKS:_ - - Love, maternal instinct and pity are all emotions that should be - employed in this lesson, but the most important factor of all is - spirituality. Never for one moment allow her to doubt your - spiritual sincerity. - - - YOU'RE NOT THE DOMESTIC TYPE - -The doorbell rings just as she is settling down to a nap, and there is -no one else in the house to answer it. She opens the door a little -reluctantly. - -"Oh, it's you, Arthur," she says in relief. "Come in. I thought it might -be someone special." - -"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" say, smiling as you enter the -living room. Smile nicely; youthfully. "I won't go away, at any rate. -Not unless you're very hard and cruel. I worked too hard to get here." - -"It's all right," she says, sitting down and patting her hair in back. -"I was going to lie down and try to sleep, out of sheer boredom. There's -nothing I really have to do. But you should be at work. Why aren't you?" - -"I didn't feel like working." Frown and look at her defiantly. "Good -Lord, why should a man work all the time? I hate the bloody office -anyway, and you know it." - -She shakes her head at you, but smiles. "I ought to scold you. But I -know too well how you feel." - -"Why don't you lie down even if I am here? Go on over to the -chaise-longue; I'll tuck your feet up." - -"Gracious!" she cries. "You'll have me spoiled if you're too attentive. -Bob hasn't your touching respect for my age." - -Thump the chair as you bend over to arrange the quilt. "Alice, that -isn't funny. It never was funny. At any rate, you mustn't tell Bob how -nice I am to you, or his dislike of me will overflow all bounds. That -would be a nuisance. I'd have to visit you in the afternoons all the -time, and they wouldn't like that at the damned office." - -"No, and you wouldn't ever get to see my new dinner dress." - -Sit down on the edge of the chair. "And I'd have to stay away on -week-ends; I'd have to start playing golf, and I hate it. It's much -nicer to come here and talk." - -She laughs. "Yes, I know you think so. You'd rather talk than do -anything else, wouldn't you?" - -"Wouldn't you?" you counter. "But this sub rosa arrangement might have -its advantages. If I had to be furtive you might be forced to take me -seriously." - -"You're a silly little boy," she says, looking worried. - -"Of course I am. I only wish you said it oftener. If you would only -promise me to say every morning and every evening 'What a silly boy -Arthur is,' I'd feel better about going home so often." - -"It wouldn't be a difficult promise to make," she says thoughtfully. -"Perhaps I do it anyway. You're awfully silly sometimes." - -"Good! At any rate, that would mean that you would say my name twice a -day." - -"Heavens!" - -"It did sound sentimental, didn't it? Well, forget it. You know, I am -serious about Bob: I wish he'd dislike me a little more actively." - -She sits up and speaks with decision. "Arthur! You know well enough that -Bob doesn't dislike you at all." - -"Is that it?" you ask, sorrowfully. "Then it's his maddening -indifference that I can't forgive him. I won't forgive him, anyway, so -you might as well give up." - -"If it would make you feel any better, he said just the other evening, -'Why doesn't that kid get to work? He's been hanging around here a lot -longer than he would if I were his father.'" - -"Yes," you answer, "that helps. That helps. I feel almost kindly toward -him now. I'm glad you told me." - -"You know well enough you like Bob!" - -Shake your head. "It's just another of my worries. I do like Bob. I love -Bob. He's such a child." - -She giggles. "Well, I wish he could hear you." - -"Yes, isn't it funny? We go around feeling paternal about each other and -you lie there and laugh at both of us. Let's not talk about him any -more. I'm not a sub rosa visitor yet; I haven't any right to talk. -Where's Betty?" - -"I sent her out to the Park for the afternoon." She looks out of the -window. "We've had such wretched weather until today. She'll be -heartbroken when she finds out you were here. Now that the family's all -discussed and taken care of, tell me how you are. Have you been doing -anything wicked lately? Tell me some gossip about the younger -generation." - -"What do I know about the younger generation? I haven't been playing -around. It's queer restless weather. I've been trying to write. I'm -surprised you haven't noticed this air. There's something in it. Even -you must have noticed. It isn't exactly wild. Spiritually provocative, I -think--whatever that means." - -"Why shouldn't I have noticed it?" she asks. - -"You!" you cry bitterly. "A sublimely wise person like you? Alice -dearest, why should you have noticed it? Or if you did, why should you -admit it?" - -She raised her eyebrows, somewhat surprised. "You sound angry," is all -she says. "What's the matter?" - -"Nothing. I'm in a bad temper." - -"You really are," she says wonderingly. "I've never seen you like this. -Won't you tell me what's the matter?" - -"Oh, for God's sake! Why won't you get angry? Why won't you tell me to -get out?" - -"Arthur, what is the matter?" She speaks gently. - -"I wish you'd get angry, just once. I'd like to fight and fight with -you. I'd like to make you cry. I could, too, if I only knew how to -begin." - -She looks at you in silence. Then go on--"Sit up, Alice! Sit up and slap -me. Stop looking so damned comfortable. You don't really feel -comfortable." - -"But I do," she protests. "I'm sorry, but I do." It is funny, but she -doesn't laugh. - -"No you aren't. You're sure enough of yourself; you're secure, but you -don't like all this any more than I do." - -"All what?" - -"All--all that you don't like. Why can't you tell me? I keep hoping you -will, but you never do. Why can't you tell me? I tell you everything. -You have every bit of me. You make me tell you everything and then you -never give anything back." - -"Arthur!" she cries, hurt. - -"I can't help it." Lean closer to her startled face. "There's just one -thing I really want. Just one. The one thing I'll never get from you." - -"What is it, dear?" - -"I want you to tell me the truth. To look at me and say, 'Arthur, I -don't really like this at all. I hate this house. I hate being smooth -and perfect. I hate my mother for what she did to me, making me like -this--'" - -"Don't!" she cries. - -"'And I hate my daughter for what I am making of her. I hate her when -she looks like her father--'" - -"No! No!" - -"'And I want to die when I realize that I am getting more and more like -all of them, all the time.' Go on, Alice. Say it." - -She shakes her head slowly, and weeps. "I can't." - -"Say it!" you repeat. "I--Alice, I made you cry, didn't I? Never mind. -Say it." - -"No. The one thing you can never----" she cries convulsively. - -"What is it, dearest?" - -"You said it yourself," she sobs. "The one thing you can never have. I -won't. I can't." - -"Stop crying, dearest. Please. I can't hear you when you talk like that. -Darling, darling, I'm so sorry I made you cry. I'm so glad. Kiss me. You -must, darling. It's the only other thing to do. Alice, you know it is. -Kiss me. If you won't talk.... We must, dear." - -"Yes," she says. - -Take her in your arms. - - - - - 5. I'M BAD - - -_TYPE:_ - - The very young man with all distinguishing characteristics still - in extremely early stages. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Any nice girl under fifteen years. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Porch swing. - -_REMARKS:_ - - This lesson is relegated to the use of the kiddies; it is good - for very little else. In this day of experience and the single - standard it is passé, and I include it more as a curiosity than - anything else. The beginner should know the fundamental - principles, at any rate. For older participants in the game who - wish to try their luck along these lines, I suggest more - restraint. A few dark hints will go farther than any amount of - explicit description. The imagination of an innocent girl can - work wonders with a very slight encouragement. - - - I'M BAD - -"But it _is_ different," says the little girl, with an eager note in her -voice. You give up the argument for a time and sit in silence, hearing -only the creaking of the porch swing's chain above the noises of the -summer night. - -She takes up the conversation again. - -"I mean that supposing I should want to do all those things--some girls -do, you know--well, I couldn't. Of course it isn't likely I should want -to. I don't see any fun in hanging on to the under part of a train----" - -"Riding the blinds," you say, patiently. - -"All right; riding the blinds. But there might be something. Like--like -staying up all night, perhaps, when it isn't New Year's. Bob used to do -that. Mother didn't think it was particularly terrible if he just said -he was studying, but I can't even do that. It isn't fair. Here I am a -senior in high school and practically grown up and they'll always treat -me like a baby just because I'm a girl." - -"Yeah," say, as she stops for breath, "it's a shame." And this is as far -as your sympathy goes. After all there isn't much else to say. -Nevertheless she feels slightly resentful. - -"You don't have to be so satisfied about it," she says. - -"I'm not satisfied. Only I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it. -I think myself you girls are pretty darned lucky. A man has to look out -for himself, and believe me sometimes it isn't so much fun as you -think." - -"Well, even if----" - -"No, you can say things like that for hours, but you can't really tell -until you have to try it. Why, I'd just like to see you in some of those -situations." - -She is really impressed. - -"What situations?" - -"Aw, I couldn't tell you. A fellow couldn't really talk about some of -it." - -"Oh, go on! I wouldn't tell anyone!" - -"You bet you wouldn't! What if I told you that I was caught in a Raid?" - -"Really? You're not kidding? What kind of a raid?" - -"Why, a--a Raid. There's just one kind. The cops come in and pretty soon -the music stops and----" - -"Where?" - -"'Xpect me to tell? Oh, well, then--Place called the Yellow Mill." - -"Oo, gee! Were you alone?" - -"Was I alone! Don't be such a dumb-bell. Of course I wasn't alone. Do -you suppose a fellow goes to those cabarets alone? Why, they wouldn't -let him in!" - -"Then who was with you?" - -"Never you mind. Some other men and some girls." - -"What girls? Anyone in school?" - -"Maybe and maybe not." - -"Honest? Then it was. I'll bet it was Eleanor." - -"Well, it just wasn't. What do you think Eleanor is? A man wouldn't take -a NICE girl to the Yellow Mill." - -"Why--why Walter, you don't know any other kind, do you?" - -"Say, don't judge everybody by yourself." - -"Well--what happened?" - -"I told you what happened. The cops came in and the music stopped and -some of the girls sort of screamed and then the cops started looking for -booze." - -"Did you have any?" - -"Well of course we _had_ had some, but by the time----" - -"Oh, Walter!" - -"Gosh, don't you think a fellow has to have a drink sometimes? By the -time they came we had finished it." - -"What was it?" - -"You wouldn't know the difference if I told you. It was wine. Elmer got -it from his old man." - -"Elmer Busby?" - -"Nevermind. Well----" - -"It was!" - -"Well, what if it was? Do you want to hear about this?" - -"Oh, yes." - -"Well, keep quiet. Well, there wasn't any left when the cop came over to -us, so he couldn't prove anything. He just looked at us and said 'All -right. Outside!'" - -"Then what?" - -"Why--then we went home." - -"Gee, I'd have been scared to death." - -"Sure you would. Any girl would have been." - -She sighs and looks out over the front lawn. - -"Maybe I wouldn't have been scared, though. Maybe----" - -"Sure you would have!" - -"No, wait a minute. Maybe it would be fun to be scared sometimes." - -"Well, I'd think so, myself, but a girl wouldn't. A nice girl." - -"Why, Walter! What a thing to say!" - -"Well, I mean it. Look at the way all of you act--'Oh, no, it wouldn't -be right--do you think we ought to?'" - -"What are you talking about?" - -"You. That's just what you said the other night after the party when I -tried----" - -"Well, really, Walter, I don't see what that has to do with raids." - -"Well, it's the same thing." - -"Just because I didn't let you kiss me?" - -"Well, why didn't you?" - -"I don't like kissing." - -"You just don't care. You never do let me kiss you. You don't know -anything about it. That's the way girls are. No wonder you never have -any fun." - -"Walter, I think you're really bad." - -"Sure I'm bad! I have a good time. You don't." - -"No, I don't. But I didn't mean that." - -"You're afraid. That's all." - -"Walter, I guess----" she stops. - -"What?" - -"I guess you can kiss me once. Don't tell anybody." - -Silence. - -"There now. What did you think?" - -"I didn't like it. It was horrid. If you tell anybody I'll never speak -to you again." - -"Well, then, try it again. I won't tell anybody. Come on! What do you -think I am? Sure I won't tell anybody." - -"Oh, Walter, I bet you think I'm terrible." "Of course I don't. Don't be -a dumb-bell." A sudden voice calls from the house. - -"Willa! Willa, it's ten-thirty!" - -"Oh, Walter, I have to go." - -"Good night. Whatcha crying about? What is it, Willa?" - -"Oh, you just think I'm terrible!" - -"Honest I don't. Can I come over tomorrow night?" - -"You know you don't want to. Oh, Mother's calling again." - -"Sure I want to." - -"All right." - -"Good night. Listen, Willa. Honest I think it's all right. I think -you're a good sport. Honest. Good night." - - - - - 6. AN UGLY OLD THING LIKE ME - - -_TYPE:_ - - The unscrupulous man without too much pride when it comes to - women. Seemingly frank and open; the rough diamond with a soft - heart; Punch wanting to be Hamlet. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Tender-hearted and impulsive. A very sweet character. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Automobile - 1 Package cigarettes. - -_REMARKS:_ - - Scarcely a girl in the world is trained to be on her guard - against pity. As a rule a young woman is sure that she is a - difficult proposition because of her knowledge of the world and - its wicked ways. She is looking, not for weakness, but for - strength to combat; for presumption so that she may step on it. - It does not occur to any normal girl that she might be taken - unawares as an angel of consolation. - - - AN UGLY OLD THING LIKE ME - -It is evening, and you are driving home from dinner in the country. It -is a warm summer night and too early to be going back; you have already -made a remark to that effect. Suddenly you turn the car into a -private-looking road that leads away from the stream of home-going cars. - -"Now what?" she asks. - -"I want to show you a place I found once. Are you in any particular -hurry?" - -"No. What is this place?" - -"You'll find out in a minute.... Here we are." The car comes to a stop -in a natural sort of amphitheater, banked by high walls of rock on one -side and well enclosed by shrubbery that is just becoming impassable -with the full foliage of midsummer. - -"It's an old quarry," explain to her. "Nice, isn't it? I suppose in the -daytime it's full of picnic people, but I like it." - -"So do I," she answers. There is a silence, and you both light -cigarettes. - -"Quiet," you mutter. In the deep stillness the air seems full of life. -Some animal crashes through the bushes, but the moonlight is not so -bright as it seemed and you cannot see him. You sigh, throw your -cigarette out onto the ground, and take the girl into your arms. She -does not resist at first, except to say "Quit! You'll burn yourself." -Then she too casts aside her cigarette and settles down comfortably. But -you are too urgent for her. - -"Wait a minute," she gasps, sitting up with some difficulty and putting -a careful hand to her hair. "What's the matter with you?" - -"Nothing. I'm only human, that's all." - -"Well, you weren't acting human." - -"Sorry. Will you forgive me?" - -"Sure." - -There is another silence, until she has to object again. - -"Really," she protests, "I don't know what's the matter with you -tonight. You've never acted like this before." - -"I'm terribly sorry, really. I couldn't stand it if I thought I'd -offended you. We've been good friends; I don't see why I have to spoil -it like this." - -"Oh, it's all right. I understand." - -"You're awfully sweet, do you know it?" - -"Am I really?" - -"Much sweeter than anybody else." - -"Silly!" - -"Ann, I do love you." - -"Well then, give me another cigarette." - -"No, not just now. Please!" - -But after a little interlude of quiet, she protests. - -"Arthur, listen. You simply must behave. I don't feel that way; can't -you see? I like you a lot, but I just don't feel that way. You can't -make me feel that way, either. I'm sorry. I'll have to get mad in a -minute." - -Don't answer, but stare gloomily at the steering-wheel. She is a little -worried. - -"Arthur, what's the matter? I wish you wouldn't act that way. It makes -me feel so mean. I don't want to be mean. I just thought it would be -better to tell the truth." - -Sigh and pat her hand. - -"You're perfectly right, dear. It's just like you--honest even if you're -cruel." - -"Don't be so silly. It isn't cruel. I can't help it if I can't feel that -way. I never feel that way." - -"Never?" - -"Arthur, you know I like you better than anybody." - -"No, you don't." - -"How can you tell? I don't usually lie." - -"Nobody likes me." - -"Why, Arthur!" She pulls your head over to hers and kisses you. "There, -silly." - -"Never mind, Ann," say sadly. "Never mind. You don't have to. You can -always be perfectly honest with me. I understand." - -"Oh, you do not either!" She is impatient. "You don't understand me at -all, if you're going to sulk like that. Here, kiss me." - -Then bury your face in her neck. - -"Oh, Ann, you're so sweet and I'm such a mess. I'm going to take you -home. I'll just make a fool of myself." - -"Why, Arthur?" she says, gently. "Don't feel so badly. I understand." - -"You always understand, dear." - -"I can't go home while you feel so badly. I want to be a friend of -yours, Arthur." - -"Never mind. It's all right. I know all about it. I don't blame you." - -"Blame me? For what?" - -"For not liking me Like That." - -"Like what?" - -"Never mind. I should have thought of it before. You're too sweet; you -should have told me. Then I wouldn't have bothered you." - -"But Arthur, you don't bother me! What do you mean?" - -"Please, Ann, I don't want to talk about it." - -"You have to, now. You've started. I've got to know. What is it?" - -"Never mind. I'm going to take you home." - -"You are not! I won't go home. You sit right there and explain -yourself." - -"Oh, darling, please let me take you home! Of course I understand. I -should have thought of it right away. An ugly old thing like me...." - -"Oh, Arthur!" She cries out in pain. "Arthur, how could you think of -such a thing! Look at me!" - -But don't. She turns your face toward hers by gripping your ears. You -are crying, and looking at you she begins to cry too, in pity. - -"Arthur, how could you? How could you hurt me so?" - -Put your arm around her and pat her on the shoulder. - -"Never mind, Ann. Never mind, old girl, it's all right." - -"Kiss me," she murmurs, from the depths of your coat-collar. - -"No." - -"Yes. Please, Arthur." - -"You don't want to. You don't feel that way. You're just sorry for me." - -"No, no, no! Kiss me!" - -Kiss her. She clings to your lips in an ecstasy of renunciation. - -"Oh, Ann!" cry, with a break in your voice. - -"What, darling? Never mind. Kiss me again." - -"Ann, you'd better be careful. Really, you'd better be careful." - -"Never mind, darling." - -"Ann, are you sure you won't be sorry?" - -She doesn't answer. - -"An ugly old thing like me, Ann...." But as might be expected, she -clings to your coat lapel even harder. - -"Ah, Ann, loveliest ... you're not just sorry for me?" - -Perhaps she shakes her head. You aren't sure. - -"Because, Ann," you add, in an uncertain voice from which you try to -keep the triumph, "I'm only human." - -There is no objection. - - - - - 7. BE INDEPENDENT! - - -_TYPE:_ - - The young man who can be sincere in declaration of his radical - sympathies. Any one who does not really believe in his expressed - opinions will probably fail. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Passionately impersonal; burning with zeal to destroy the wrongs - of the world. Not much given to paying attention to her own - emotions, preferring rather to settle universal problems in the - mass. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 City - 1 Brief case - -_REMARKS:_ - - Most of ardent advocates of social improvement are the products - of conventional environment. They are inclined to class together - all of the rules of conduct which they have denounced as part of - a deliberate scheme to slow up the progress of humanity's - freedom. If you can associate in their minds the conventional - concept of morality with the mossgrown ideas of property and - government so horrible to the advanced thinker, you are well on - the road to success. - - - BE INDEPENDENT! - -Walking home from the meeting of the Social Science Club, you are more -quiet than usual. It is strange that you should be quiet at all; you -aren't that type. Both of you love to talk; your intimacy has grown up -in spite of, rather than because of this tendency. You became acquainted -two or three months before, across the crowded room of the Communist -Club when you both leaped to your feet to refute some heretical -statement by the speaker of the evening, who had expressed an unsound -and intolerant view concerning Union rule. You had cried out together in -protest, turned and looked at each other, faltered, and sat down. Then -you both had risen again, even more precipitately, looked at each other -again in a less amiable manner, and started to speak again. The crowd -laughed. At last she had bowed to you jerkily and sat down again, -leaving the field to you. - -But when she heard what you had to say she did not dislike you so much. -You expressed her views exactly. To be sure, you did not say all there -was to be said, and when you finished she had to make several additions. -But after the meeting you waited for each other and took up the thread -of the argument again. You walked five miles that night and didn't -notice. Ever since then you have been seeing a good deal of each other, -at little Russian restaurants where each pays his own check, at concerts -where you each firmly buy your own tickets, and even at her home, where -her family gazes upon you with disfavor and tries to persuade her to -wear a hat when she goes out with you. - -Tonight there is a tension in the air between you, and you do not know -what to do about it. She has been quarreling with her family and you -have discussed it backwards and forwards and all around; there was no -more to say. - -"I don't understand you at all," repeat for the twentieth time. "You're -so intelligent about everything but your own affairs. Can't you see that -you must attack your own problem with an impersonal sort of attitude? -It's the only sensible way to do anything." - -"Yes, I know," she answers, gloomily, "but you don't understand, -exactly. I have to battle against all the fifteen years that I was under -their influence, besides fighting _them_. There's an element within -myself that I can't manage. All sorts of feelings----" - -"I know," sympathetically, "anachronistic ideas of duty, and filial -fondness, and so forth. They work on all that. Thank God my mother -deserted me when I was a baby. Father's different." - -"You're lucky," she says. "It makes me furious. After all, I'm of age, -and a lot more intelligent than they'll ever be.... Well, we've said all -that. I'll just have to let it work itself out." - -"It won't," you assure her. "The only way to settle a thing of this sort -is to cut it all off. Why don't you go away?" - -"How can I?" she says. "I haven't the moral courage to hold out against -them. I could go down and live with Marya for a week or so, but you know -what would happen. First Ellen would walk in and talk to me, pretending -to admire me but holding her skirts away from the furniture all the -time. She'd tell me that Mother hasn't been well lately, and then they'd -invite me to the house for dinner and they'd act simply angelic and -rather pitiful, and then I'd come back. I always do; it's happened -before. I know I'm weak, but it's stronger than my intelligence." - -"Of course that's one thing I'll never be able to understand. How anyone -could stand that house for two hours passes my comprehension, and you've -been living there all your life. How do you do any work?" - -"I don't," she says, simply. "I haven't really done anything definite -since the last election. You can't work any conviction into your -speeches if there are a lot of materialists around all the time. Oh, I -ought to starve! How can I go on pretending like this?" - -"Never mind. You're getting there. There's nothing wrong with a person -that could get away from her environment as completely as you have. But -I can see that it's a struggle." - -"Thank you," she says, gratefully. You walk on in silence. - -"Martha," you say at last, "I know one way out." - -"What is it?" - -"Come with me." - -"With you? But where?" - -"Come on home with me. I'll tell Father that you're going to stay there, -and that'll be all there is to it. He won't object; he knows better." - -"Oh, I couldn't," she says, hastily. - -"Why not? It would settle things with your family. I know that type. -They'd never bother you again; they would cut you off completely." - -She is staggered, and obviously does not know how to answer. - -"You're a real friend," she says, at last. "It's good of you to offer. -But...." - -"Not so generous, after all. Certainly I don't have to tell you that I -love you and all that, do I? We know better than to waste our time with -such sentimental stuff. But you know that I'd be only too glad...." - -"I don't know," she says, thoughtfully. "Honestly, I never thought about -it. It's part of my training, I suppose, but it's hard to decide to do a -thing like that, right away." - -"Think of it in a sensible way," you urge. "Try to throw away those -inhibitions. You know well enough that in the course of time we would be -lovers. Isn't this better than slinking and being furtive about it, and -fooling your family? I'd hate it. As a matter of fact, I _have_ been -worrying about it. This would be such a fine, brave thing for you to do. -Come on, Martha, be independent. Prove to yourself that you're something -more than an average female who wants nothing but security." - -"But it's so difficult," she says. "You don't understand. It would kill -Mother." - -"You know it wouldn't. She might think that she's going to die, but she -won't. People don't die over such things. And if she did," you add, -superbly, "she wouldn't have any right to. No one has any right to die -because someone else lives up to her convictions." - -"That doesn't help it, somehow," she says. - -"Martha, admit to yourself that it's the only thing to do. You can't go -on like this. If you do, they'll sell you to some capitalist for a -marriage license and a promise that he'll leave you money when he dies. -You'll be part of the same vicious circle. You can't play at both of the -games, Martha. If you don't take your freedom when you have the chance -I'll have to decide that you're insincere." - -She looks very undecided and unhappy. "I don't know what's the matter," -she confesses, "but I can't." - -Stop and take her arm. She turns around and faces you in the dark -street. It is very late and quiet. - -"Listen, Martha," you say gravely, "it's up to you. I don't want to -persuade you to do anything that you don't really feel you want to do. -But I think that I understand you. You have a beautiful nature, Martha. -You have a splendid mind that your family weren't able to spoil. As soon -as you are strong enough to cast off all the deadly conventions that -they've tied you with, you'll be able to do real things for the world. -And yet that isn't what I want to say to you now. I respect and admire -you, Martha, and I want you. You want me. What else is there to this -business? Come with me, Martha, and we'll work together. Throw away that -background of yours. Step out into the light." - -"Oh, Michael!" she cries. Your face relaxes, and you smile. - -Say, "There now, let's do it all, right now. Go home and get your -things. I'll go with you, if you like. Then they can do what they want -to; I know you won't back out." - -Arm in arm, you walk down the street. - - - - - 8. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR HUSBAND'S DOING? - - -_TYPE:_ - - The man who likes to use an appeal to reason to gain his ends. - He is untrained, but possesses a certain native subtlety. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Small and thirty, overworked, with a face that has been - prettier, but which could be much less pretty. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - Excursion boat. - -_REMARKS:_ - - This is a system which is based on the simplest and most - atavistic of human emotions--jealousy. Reflection upon this fact - may deter from its use a number of my students who would regard - such an easy and impersonal victory as an affront to their pride - and self-confidence as first-rate seducers. It is true that the - success of the method is much more the result of the subject's - internal conflict than of any remarkable attributes on the part - of the student. But it is up to the seducer to be there at the - psychological moment to suggest action. It takes a large amount - of tact and self-control to bring the situation to the point of - this suggestion without arousing the suspicions of the subject. - It is not too easy. Do not treat it with contempt. - - - WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR HUSBAND'S DOING? - -It is night on the boat; the last evening of the -See-America-First-Cruise; Excursion tickets good until August -thirty-first; Send the wife and kiddies if you can't go yourself. It is -night and all the children have gone to bed, allowing a blessed quiet to -creep from the darkness and shroud the boat in wistful romance. Two -figures stand in the bow. - -_She:_ Well, home tomorrow. - -_You:_ Yes. (_Sigh_) Back to work. - -_She:_ I do hope it'll be cooler. But there, it never does get any -cooler until the middle of September or after, so what's the use of -hoping? I didn't have any right running away from the house this time of -the year. - -_You:_ Sure you did. When you first came on the boat I said to myself, -"There's a little woman that sure needs a rest." - -_She:_ You did! I didn't know I looked that bad. The doctor told me to -take a rest, but land, he's always telling me that. - -_You:_ No, I don't mean you looked exactly bad; only sort of thin and -pale. - -_She: (Pleased):_ Thin! Heavens, I didn't know that I ever looked thin. -But it isn't any wonder I'm pale. Goodness knows I never get out of the -house. - -_You:_ You know, that's one thing I just can't understand about men. The -way they let their wives stay at home. Believe me, if I ever get married -my wife is going to have the best of everything. And plenty of time to -enjoy it, too. - -_She:_ Well, I certainly think your wife'll be lucky. But you'll -probably have to wait a long time to be earning enough. I guess HE -doesn't have it any too easy himself, working all day in an office. -Sometimes he comes home mighty tired. - -_You:_ Maybe, but don't you believe he has it any near as bad as you do. -I'll never forget my poor old mother slaving day in and day out. You -know what they say--"Man's work is from sun to sun; it's woman's whole -existence" or something like that. I tell you, I grew up to respect -women, I did. - -(There is a pause while you think about it.) - -_She (sighing):_ Well, I certainly like to hear a man talk like that -sometimes. I just wish Joe could hear you. - -_You:_ Oh, he'd say I didn't know anything about it, seeing as I'm not -married. - -_She:_ I don't know. Joe's awful reasonable. It was because of him I -took this trip. He saw the ad in the paper and he says "Mary, that'd be -mighty good for you," he says. And I says, "Yes, but how would you get -along?" He says, "Oh, I'll manage." And now I know that when I look at -that kitchen I'll just sit down and cry. I do like a nice clean kitchen. -He didn't even want me to take the children. - -_You:_ Oh well, it's no more than he ought to do. You're a mighty nice -little woman; I bet he ought to know it. - -_She:_ Aw! - -_You:_ I bet he don't know how lucky he is. Married fellows never do. -How long have you been married anyway? - -_She:_ That's a personal question. - -_You:_ Is it? I'm sorry. - -_She:_ Don't be silly. I've been married six years. - -_You:_ Gee, he must've married you out of high school. - -_She:_ Kidder! (She is pleased.) Well, I guess I did get married kind of -young. - -_You:_ I'll say you did. - -_She:_ I think it's better that way, don't you? Keeps kids out of -mischief. - -_You:_ I don't know. I almost got married, but--I always thought maybe -I'd better see the world first. - -_She:_ Maybe the Right One didn't come along for you. - -_You:_ I guess that was it. Just my luck to find her when--oh, well. - -_She:_ What were you going to say? - -_You:_ Wouldn't it be too bad if she did come along and I was too late? - -_She:_ That's always the way, I guess. - -_You:_ Yes, that's always the way. - -(Another silence.) - -_She:_ You're awful romantic, aren't you? I'd know right away you wasn't -a married man. - -_You:_ That's funny. It's just what I would have said about you. - -_She:_ You could tell right away I was married? - -_You:_ No, just the other way around. I said, "Well, here she is!" - -_She:_ Here who is? - -_You:_ And then I saw your wedding-ring. - -_She:_ You know I have a girl friend who always takes off her ring when -she goes to a matinee. Joe says to me, "Mary if ever a wife of mine did -that I'd give her a good hiding." - -_You:_ Yeah? Honest, you'd be surprised at the number of married women -there are that lead a fellow on. - -_She:_ Really? - -_You:_ You bet. You wouldn't know any like that, of course; but the way -they act there ought to be a law against it. - -_She:_ I always say if a woman isn't happy with her husband she ought to -come right out and say so and get divorced or else not show anybody the -way she feels. - -_You:_ That's the right way to look at it. Of course I guess men don't -make it too easy for you either. Now me, whenever I'm tempted I just -think of my old mother. - -_She:_ It depends on the mother too. - -_You:_ Sure. - -(A comfortable and agreeing silence, while the boat glides on through -the darkness.) - -_You:_ It sure is nice to meet a woman who can talk about these things -without any--any foolishness. Oh well. Tomorrow it'll all be over. - -_She:_ Tomorrow. - -(Sigh again and pat her hand on the rail, leaving your hand over hers -when the patting is finished.) - -_You:_ Don't you think people ought to be broadminded about some things? - -_She:_ I guess so. What things? - -_You:_ Oh, different things. - -_She:_ Sure. - -(Emboldened, you put your arm around her. She starts away.) - -_She:_ No, don't. - -_You:_ Why? - -_She:_ It's wrong. You ought to be ashamed. - -_You:_ What's wrong about it? We want to, don't we? - -_She:_ Say, Joe would kill you if he could hear you. - -_You:_ He can't hear me. Aw, be sensible. - -_She:_ I'm being sensible. You're a nice fellow; now quit. I'm going in. - -_You:_ No, wait a minute. Just a minute. You've got me all wrong. We've -been good friends, haven't we? - -_She:_ Yes, we have. I didn't know you were going to be like this. - -_You:_ Didn't you? - -_She (blazing):_ No, I didn't! And what's more---- - -_You:_ Now, don't get mad. Don't get mad. - -_She:_ What's more, Joe would kill you! I told you he'd kill you. - -_You:_ There can't be any harm in me putting my arm around you. - -_She:_ Sh-h-h! - -(The captain passes them in the darkness, muttering "Nice evening, -folks." She is frightened, and as you put your arm around her again she -does not object.) - -_You:_ What harm could there be in it? - -_She:_ I wish you'd---- - -_You:_ Come on, put your face up. - -(Kiss her.) - -_She (bursting into tears):_ I tell you Joe would kill you. - -_You:_ Say, kid, what makes you so sure? - -_She:_ What do you mean? - -_You:_ What do you think he's doing while you're away? - -_She:_ Joe? Why--why---- - -_You:_ Oh, be sensible. What did he send you away for? What do you think -men are anyway? - -_She (frightened):_ You're wrong; you don't know Joe. - -_You:_ Now listen. You know how easy it is to act this way. - -_She:_ No--I won't listen to you. - -_You:_ I don't guess he's any different from the rest of us. You been -married six years? Say! Don't be dumb. Listen; didn't that schoolmarm in -your cabin get off today? - -_She:_ No, no. - -_You:_ Yes she did. I'm coming around to say good night. - -_She:_ But I don't want you to. - -_You:_ I don't think you know what you do want. - -_She:_ No, I'm going in. - -_You:_ We've got a lot to talk about. - -_She (uncertainly):_ I oughtn't. - -_You:_ What's wrong with it? Don't be dumb. - -_She:_ Goodnight. I guess we better say goodbye too. - -_You:_ Not yet. Oh, have a little sense, will you? He don't know any -more about you than you know about him. - -_She:_ Stop talking like that. - -_You:_ Well, how about it? - -_She:_ Well---- - -_You:_ Aw, go on. - -_She:_ Well---- - -_You:_ This door locks, don't it? - - - - - 9. MUSIC GETS ME - - -_TYPE:_ - - The young man with some understanding of music and its effect on - the untrained ear. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - A home girl with no particular leaning toward anything but - marriage. - -_APPARATUS:_ - -1 Victrola -Records as follows: -Venetian Moon -Tea for Two -Merry Widow Waltz -Livery Stable Blues -Peggy O'Neill -Floradora Medley -Valse Bluette -At Dawning -Leibestraum -L'Apres-Midi D'un Faun -Fire Song -Song of India - -_REMARKS:_ - - The selection of music to be used for seduction is not an - arbitrary matter. A different combination is necessary for every - variation in temperament. Some day it is to be hoped that the - difficulty will be overcome; perhaps someone will be able to - compile a catalogue of effective combinations. Until then the - student can do no better than his unassisted best. - - - MUSIC GETS ME - -"Wouldn't you think," she says, "we'd have something from last year, -anyway? There isn't anything as dead as an old dance record. We used to -have parties and break the old ones, I remember. And I made up my mind -not to buy any more except Red Seals, because the other ones were out of -date in a week. I believe that for a while I spent my whole allowance on -records, every month." - -"Yes, it's funny how fast they change," you say, balancing a -particularly warped disk on your forefinger. "Remember when jazz first -came in--all horns and those sweet-potato things? They were awfully -loud. Dad said the world was going crazy. And then the toddle." - -"Oh yes!" she cries, standing on one foot and bobbing up and down. "It -was hard to break the habit when it went out. What are you going to -play?" - -You wind up the handle, and it squeaks in protest. "Never mind. See if -you recognize it." - -"Oh, Venetian Moon! That reminds me of something. Do songs mean things -to you? Do certain tunes bring back certain thoughts and feelings to -you?" - -"Sure, whenever I hear Poor Butterfly I think of Lorna Doone. I can't -trace the connection exactly, but I always do." - -"It must have been played somewhere when you read it," she says. The -record is finished, and the needle scrapes with a harsh sound. "It's all -rusty," she adds. "I'm going to have it fixed up. I'm tired of the radio -anyway. I'd rather choose what I want to hear." - -"Here's Tea for Two. That was a pretty good one." - -"Yes," she sighs. "I was kissed for the first time when that was being -played. What a fearfully old record!" - -Wind up the machine again and put it on, then hold out your arms. "Let's -dance." - -She glides to you. After the first few bars kiss her lightly. She stops, -pushing you away. "What's the idea?" she demands. - -"I was just trying to revive old memories," you explain. "Come on and -finish; I'll be good. Say, you're a peach of a dancer." - -"Thanks," she says, going back to the Victrola. "Whose old memories were -you reviving then?" - -"Oh, don't be funny," you grumble. "Here's a real old-timer." Hold it up -for her to read; it is the Merry Widow Waltz. - -"Mother used to dance to that," she says. "Let's try to dance in the way -they did in the play last year." But you can not imitate the graceful -swooping circles of the Viennese. "It's not so good," she decides. "What -else is here?" - -"Here's something called the Livery Stable Blues. Do you know it? I -don't." You put it on, and a dreadful yowling fills the air. She covers -her ears. - -"Stop it!" she cries. "Take it off! Imagine dancing to that." - -"Oh gosh! Here's Peggy O'Neill! That has plenty of memories for me, all -right. She turned me down the same evening." - -"I'm so sorry, but you were too young to be getting married anyway. Look -at this? I wonder why no one ever broke it. I think they played it at my -first Prom. It's queer, but the only people I remember at parties are -perfectly irrelevant ones; people I just have one dance with, or -something. This is having a very bad effect on me. I feel so old and -regretful." She sighs and looks in the mirror hanging on the wall. - -"Well then," say, winding up the machine again, "Listen to this and have -a real good cry. You weren't born yet when they were playing it." Start -to sing with the music. "Oh, tell me, pretty maiden, are there any more -at home like you? There are a few--kind sir----" - -"I never even heard it," she says. "It's quite catchy, too. They had a -lot of good songs, in their way. What are you doing? You'll get all -dusty." - -You are struggling with a large pile of Red Seals. "Sometimes they have -a waltz or something that you can use in these highbrow things," -shuffling them. "Here's something; Valse Bluette. It might be good; -let's try to dance to it." - -But the rhythm is too varied for you. You struggle for a while, and then -she breaks away, laughing and breathless. - -"No good," she says. "But here's one of my favorites. Do you mind? Wait -a minute." - -John McCormick's voice rings out richly, marred only by a periodic -scratch. - - "When-n-n the dawwwn - Flames innnn the skyeeeeee - I--uh--love--uh youuuuuu: - Whennnn the birrrrdlings wake and cryeeeee - I--uh--love--uh yououuuuooooo." - -"Isn't that lovely?" she says, raptly. "I always loved that song. Music -always GETS me somehow. Let's play it again." - -"Wait a minute," you say. "I have something else." The sweet strains of -Liebestraum make the air sticky, and her ready laughter is stilled in -reverence. - -Say, "I don't know if you'll like this one or not. It's a long one." - -She sits down on the divan. "Sure. Go ahead. What is it? I don't -remember any of them." - -"L'Apres-Midi D'Un Faun." - -"What?" - -"L'Apres-Midi D'Un Faun. It's French. Listen!" - -She shakes her head briskly as you turn the record over, and starts to -talk. Motion to her to be quiet, and play the second part. She speaks -drowsily. - -"It's very queer. It's made me sleepy. Are you playing it again? For -heaven's sake, why?" - -"Well," you explain, "it always sounds better the second time." - -Listen to it again, with your hands clasped together. Lean over to her. -"It's a funny thing about that music. It gets me." Kiss her. - -"I know," she says. "If I listened to it very long I wouldn't be -responsible." - -"Responsible for what?" - -"Oh, just responsible." Kiss her again. She stands up. "Let's play -something loud and get waked up." - -"This ought to be loud. The Fire Song." - -"No," she decides, after a few bars, "it isn't loud enough. I can't wake -up. Play the Hymn to the Sun." - -"It scratches," you object. "Here's one something like it." - -Play the Song of India. She sighs and relaxes. - -"I love that," she says, dreamily. "What's that you're going to play?" - -Without answering her, put on L'Apres-Midi D'Un Faun. - - - - - 10. EVERYBODY DOES - - -_TYPE:_ - - Unscrupulous and determined, but subtle. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - One who is not sure of herself; who hides an inner shrinking by - a brave show of sophistication. In her heart is a horrible doubt - bred by the reticence of her elders. She is beginning to feel - that there are ancient, eternal fibs rife in the cosmos. She is - convinced that everyone is in a conspiracy to keep her in - ignorance. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Living room with sofa. - -_REMARKS:_ - - The young man in our illustration has compunctions about taking - advantage of sentiments so like his own, but sheer inertia - carries him along. So it will probably be in your case. - - - EVERYBODY DOES - -"I think you're perfectly TERRIBLE," says the girl, smiling as if she -doesn't expect to be believed. "Whoever told you all about everything? I -wouldn't want to live if I felt that way. Why, what would we be here -for?" - -"I don't see why we have to be here for anything, particularly," you -answer. "What are mosquitoes for?" - -She hesitates for only a second. - -"So we won't get too lazy. They probably wonder why we're here, slapping -them just when they want to eat." - -Look through the window to the lawn outside, covered with snow. - -"That's an unusual remark for a girl of your sort to make," you muse. -"Well, you probably talk that way because this is winter. Now, if I had -asked you in July, when there would be plenty of mosquitoes----" - -"What ARE you talking about?" she asks. "What do you mean, a girl of my -type?" - -Laugh and glance at her obliquely. She is very pretty, you think, with -that maddeningly serene face of hers. Just now, though she is -interested, her expression isn't really with you. You want to do -something about it. - -"I mean a girl of your type," repeat firmly. "A girl who believes -everything she's taught." - -She frowns a little. - -"Wouldn't it be silly to go to school for as long as I have if I didn't -use what they told me?" - -"That isn't what school is for," you answer hastily. Lord, what a -dumbbell! Why am I here, anyway? But she _is_ pretty. - -"You're pretty, anyway," you say aloud. - -"But that's awfully mean! Pretty anyway! What do you mean? Don't you -think a girl can be pretty and have brains too?" - -"Well--brains of a sort." Now what am I in for? "Sure I guess you have -brains. I bet you're practical in business things." - -"Heavens, no!" she protests. "I can't do a thing. But I was good at -school. I was terribly good in Latin." - -Turn a little on the sofa and smile at her, leaning back. "Ever have any -philosophy courses?" - -"Of course," she says promptly. "Three hours a week." - -"And Chapel every morning?" - -"Every morning." - -"What did you do in Philosophy? I know about the Chapel." - -"Oh, we studied what all those old birds thought about the world and the -mind and reality and those things. And at examinations they asked us to -summarize the different points of view." - -"And you had Chapel every day?" you persist. This is something. - -"I told you. It was compulsory." - -"They told you what to think, in Chapel?" - -"Oh, no!" she cries. "No. Sometimes the Doctor would talk about smoking -for girls, and sometimes about movies. And there is a beautiful sermon -that he always gives at Easter, about bread and hyacinths. That's about -Art, you know." - -Nod thoughtfully. "Yes. He likes Art, doesn't he?" - -"You're teasing me," she says, sadly. "Whenever I talk about religion -you get that way. I don't see why we're always fighting." - -"We're not always fighting, are we? All right, let's stop talking about -school. But I did want to ask you something. Why do you think it's so -shocking when I say that God isn't watching everything you do?" And you -think with some anger at yourself that here you are again. - -"I didn't think it was shocking," she says eagerly. "I'm never shocked. -I was just surprised when you told Lilian you didn't think He was -personal enough to have opinions on Prohibition." - -"What makes you think He is?" you ask. Put your arm around her -shoulders; she snuggles down comfortably. - -"Well," she begins reasonably, "how would we all be here? Don't you -think we must have come from--I mean, don't you see that we _must_ be -something like Him? Not so perfect or so big and powerful, but--why -everybody knows that!" - -"So that makes it all right," you tease her. "If everybody thinks so." - -"Well, I guess they've always thought so, for years. And it seems to -work. Here we are, aren't we? Don't you think we're improving? It must -be right." - -"How did we get started on all this, anyway?" You are bored. "It was -talking about Prohibition. It always happens." - -"Yes, that's how it happened. You fired up when Lilian said it was a -success. I'm glad Mother wasn't there to hear you. She's a little afraid -of you anyway." - -"Is she? Why? I'm safe enough. We just talk--and talk--and talk!" -Confound old women! - -"I know," she says happily. "I love to talk seriously. We used to have -lots of arguments in my room at school, after hours.... No, I think -you're right; I don't think Prohibition's a success at all. I think -anybody with sense would know it. Look at the way perfectly nice boys -get drunk at every party. I almost died the first time my escort did. -Dad said he'd shoot the young puppy. Mother says that _never_ used to -happen. I think Prohibition is terrible." - -"You are pretty," say irrelevantly, and kiss her. She returns the kiss -placidly. - -"You shouldn't," she says, lazily. - -"Why? Don't you like it?" - -"Of course not. What made you think I did?" - -"Well, most girls do. In fact, I might say that everybody does." - -"Not girls!" she protests, shocked. - -"For Pete's sake!" you cry, exasperated. "Who on earth told you that? -You don't really think so, do you?" - -"Why not? Don't you take a lot for granted?" - -"I never take anything for granted. Why do you wear blue? Because it's -becoming. Well, why do you want to look pretty? So that I'll kiss you. -Of course!" - -"Don't do that. I don't want you to." - -"If I thought you meant it I'd stop. Look here----" Oh Lord, can't I -quit it? "Listen. You're not consistent." - -"How?" - -"You say that whatever people do must be all right, don't you?" - -"If everybody does it and it works out." - -"Well, doesn't everybody do this?" - -"Oh, no!" - -"Don't be an idiot! How do you suppose you were born?" - -"But my parents were married." - -You tear your hair. How can one be reasonable with such stupidity? - -"That hasn't any physiological significance!" - -"I don't----" - -"You COULD have been born without their being married, couldn't you?" - -She considers, then smiles triumphantly. "Not with my parents!" - -"But what the hell did you and your friends talk about at school?" - -"Well, some of the girls might have been fast. They wouldn't say, of -course." - -"A lot more than you suspected were probably 'fast.'" - -She resents this. "I'm not so dumb as you think." - -You feel guilty, and at the same time stubborn. You know this feeling: -you have had it before and it always gets you into trouble. - -"All right. Suppose I talked a little about your friend Lilian? How long -have you known her?" - -"All my life. Why----" in quick alarm--"do you mean to say that you know -anything about Lilian that I don't?" - -"I don't want to talk about Lilian. But you're very trusting for your -age. Everyone lies to everybody; didn't you know that? Kiss me and -forget about it." - -"I can't. You have to tell me. Tell me!" - -For a moment you feel sorry. You shouldn't have done it; you know it. -Your arm tightens about her. You have to stop her somehow; she is going -to cry. - -"Please don't worry so. Everybody does. Please don't cry, baby. You are -a baby. It really doesn't matter, I tell you. Not if everybody does." - -"No!" - -"All right! I didn't mean it!" - -She wipes her eyes and sits up, looking at you curiously. - -"Really? Did you mean it? Everybody? Lilian? You?" - -"I don't want to talk." You feel miserable. You feel like worrying her -some more. Put your arms around her, give her a little shake. - -"Stop talking about it!" Kiss her hard; she kisses you with a new -quality in her response. There is something defiant in her kiss. - -Later, going home, you begin to feel badly again. - -"I wish I could control myself. I always get into trouble. That was -queer, though. Oh, well." - -Pause at the edge of the pavement, watching the sweep of the traffic, -"She _is_ pretty." - - - - - 11. THIS BUSINESS - - -_TYPE:_ - - Any working man who does not have to work too hard to keep his - mind on more important matters. An opportunist. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - A girl of corresponding economic position, preferably a - stranger. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Barber Chair with Accessories. - -_REMARKS:_ - - The directness of this method calls for a good deal of - self-confidence. Delicate or timid personalities should avoid - it. - - - THIS BUSINESS - -It is peaceful everywhere in town, but the barber shop is the most -peaceful place of all. Two of the boys are working; talking in low tones -to their customers; and the third is drowsing in the corner, behind the -two-foot square bootblacking establishment. He has long since read all -the ancient Libertys and Colliers and newspapers that are lying on the -chairs. The air is full of gentle boredom. - -Then through the door comes a stranger. She looks about the shop -hesitantly; the two men that are sprawled out having haircuts glance at -her apathetically through the mirror. Not you, however. You leap to -position behind your chair and wave your towel encouragingly, almost -lovingly. You feel actually affectionate; it has been a very dull -afternoon. She isn't bad either; clean and pink-looking. - -"Yes ma'am," you murmur, as you tuck the fragrant towel into the collar -of her dress. "Shingle?" - -"Not too short, please," she answers. "Just a trim." - -Set to work with a flourish. The barber on the end winks at you, but -pretend not to see it. All is quiet for a few minutes except for the -snipping of the scissors, and then the coon who belongs to the -bootblacking establishment shuffles through the door and puts a record -on the Victrola in the corner. - -Hum the tune and step lively as you reach for the clippers. Catch the -customer's eye in the mirror and smile. She responds slightly. - -"It may be old," say jovially, "but it's still good." - -"I always did like it," she admits. - -Bend over and snip critically at a tuft of hair just behind her ear. - -"What I say is," murmur confidingly, "I'd rather have a good old tune if -it's really good than a lot of new junk. It's funny about songs. I play -the clarinet myself. Sometimes you'll have a lot of swell ones and then -a year'll go by and you won't have anything worth playing." - -"Yes, that's true," says the lady. - -"Weren't you in here about a month back?" Pause with upraised scissors -to regard your work in the mirror. - -"No," she says, "I'm new in town. I was through here once when I was a -baby, that's all." - -"That's funny. I thought sure I cut your hair once before." - -"No, you couldn't have." - -"Who did cut it last time?" - -"I don't know. A fellow in Dodge City." - -"It looks like a Dodge City haircut. They must learn how to cut hair by -correspondence in that town." Chuckle at the joke. She is annoyed. - -"It looked all right to me," she says promptly. - -"Sure," answer her, "it looks all right. I'm not saying it didn't look -all right. It's when it gets long the unevenness shows up, but you don't -need to worry. It looks all right now." - -Work industriously for a minute, then step back again to survey the -effect. "Do you want it any shorter on the side there?" - -"Whatever you think looks best. I guess you know more about how it ought -to look." - -"Oh, I wouldn't say that," you protest. - -"Sure you do," she says. - -"You going to stay in town long?" Select a pair of clippers. - -"Yes, I'm here for good, I guess. I've got a job here." - -"That's swell," heartily. "We need new people here. Don't we, Jim?" - -The second barber jumps and looks up. "Eh?" he says. - -"I was just telling the little lady we need new people here." - -"Oh, uh, yes. Sure." - -"Yes," you resume, "it's a good town, but sometimes you get to wishing -there were more people. You know, young people." - -"Yes, I must say it doesn't look very lively to me," she says. "Of -course I'm used to Dodge City; that's pretty lively." - -"Well now, I don't know. You have to make your own excitement, of -course. But it ain't so bad. If you get in with the right kind, of -course. A place like this, it's pretty important what kind you get in -with." - -One by one, the other customers leave and their barbers drift outside to -loaf in the sun. Tiny grains of powder dance in the beams that slant to -the floor of the shop. - -"Do you mind the clippers?" - -"No, go ahead." - -Work a minute in silence. - -"Say," you begin, "would you mind my asking you a personal question?" - -"It depends on what it is." She lowers her eyes to her lap. - -"Are you married?" - -She smiles. "You've got a nerve. No, I ain't." - -"That's good." - -"Why? It's none of your business, is it?" - -"You don't act very friendly, do you?" - -"Well, I don't believe in acting as friendly as some people do." - -Laugh heartily and start to comb her hair tightly over her forehead. - -"You know, you got pretty hair," you say. She glances at it rather -complacently in the mirror, and tips her head. Resume impulsively, "You -know, this business is awfully hard on a man of my calibre." - -She is unsympathetic. "What do you want me to do about it?" - -"Nothing. I was just wondering if you were busy tonight." - -She giggles. "Who wants to know?" - -"Ah, cut that out!" you cry, flicking the big duster on her neck. "I -want to know. Who did you think?" - -"I don't know about tonight," she muses. - -"I've got a flivver. There ought to be a dance somewhere. I bet you're a -mighty good little dancer." - -"I'd like to," she admits, "but I don't think I'd better." - -"Why not?" - -"Well, I'm just starting out in this place. You know how it is." - -"What's the harm? A ride and a little drink won't hurt you. If you like -I'll ask a couple of friends. Listen...." - -One of the other barbers comes in again, and you stop abruptly. The -haircut is obviously finished. Untuck the towel with lingering fingers -and step to the door with her as she fumbles in her purse. - -"Fifty cents, ma'am," you say loudly, and add in a low voice, "Listen. -Eight o'clock, see? What address?" - -"Four eighty-three Garden. But I don't know...." - -"Oh, who'll ever know about it? Eight o'clock, O.K. Fifty cents, -seventy-five, one dollar. Thank you ma'am." - -"Say Jim, did you see that!" - - - - - 12. GAME LITTLE KID - - -_TYPE:_ - - The out-of-door man who smokes a pipe and can hit twice in the - same place when chopping wood. One who believes in Pure - Womanhood; who would die for his country and kill any man with - designs on his wife. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Rather young, wistful and easy to flatter. Does not know what - she believes, but reflects the philosophy of any companion. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Picnic Spot - 1 Fire - 1 Pipe - -_REMARKS:_ - - They make very attractive flannel shirts nowadays. - - - GAME LITTLE KID - -She watches you lazily while you souse the dishes in the lake and wipe -them clumsily. She feels rather guilty about it, but at the beginning of -the hike you have insisted on taking care of everything. It is your -party. And it is a nice party, too. The moon is there, and the air is -warm, and somewhere there is a flower that smells very sweet. She closes -her eyes and leans against the rock and feels happy. - -Knock the ashes out of your pipe and sit down by her, taking her hand in -yours. "Swell night," you say. - -"Oh, yes! I'm having a good time." - -"So am I. I've had a better time today than I can remember since I don't -know when." - -"Really?" she protests smiling. "How about that race at Mackinac?" - -"That was pretty good too. Only you weren't along. It could have been -perfect." - -She laughs easily. "I'd have been in the way. You've never tried telling -me anything else before. What's the matter with you tonight? Getting -soft?" - -"Not much use of that, is there?" You both chuckle. "You're too cagey. I -couldn't say anything nice to you even if I meant it. You'd bite my head -off." - -"Sure!" - -Push her in mock exasperation, then take her hand again. She is a little -uneasy about it, and leans over to tie her boot-lace more securely. - -"Well, it's all right with me," say suddenly. "You know, you're a pretty -game kid." - -"Oh, I don't know. I don't think so." - -"You sure are. Lots of people must have told you so before. I like you. -Do you know it?" - -"Glad you do," she says. "I like you." - -"There, that's just what I mean." Fill your pipe again. "Saying it out, -frankly, like that." - -"Why shouldn't I, if it's true?" - -"Well, I don't really know why you shouldn't. But most girls wouldn't. -You know how women are." - -"Sure," she says, largely. - -"Gee," you cry. "The way you say that! Funny kid." - -"Now, what sounded funny about that?" - -"Oh, I don't know. It sounded so boyish. You're just like a boy, now -that I think of it." Turn and smile at her. - -"Thanks! I always wanted to be a boy." - -"I'll bet you did. Gosh, though, I wouldn't if I were you." - -"Why not?" - -"Girls have a much better time. I wouldn't mind if someone had to buy my -tickets and take me out to dinner once in a while." - -She thinks about it for a minute, poking the fire with the toe of her -heavy boot. "I'm not sure," she says slowly. "We pay for it, in a way. -Suppose you had to see as much of some of the idiots that we do? You can -just ask anyone you want; we have to wait till we're asked." - -"Yes, that's so. Some of them are pretty bad, I guess." You laugh. -"Anyway, I always thought some of your friends were, but I never dared -to say so. What's the matter with 'em, exactly?" - -"They're so stupid!" she cries. "They think all a girl is good for is to -paw. They haven't any idea of real fun at all." - -"I know." Pat her arm comfortingly. "Just grab you as soon they look at -you, don't they? Most men are like that, I guess. I don't understand it -myself. I'm no saint, but I couldn't have anything to do with a girl -unless I liked her. Do you understand?" - -"Of course," she says, flushing a little in excitement. "I feel that way -exactly. I'm so glad you do too. I was beginning to think that men were -just different. Most of them----" - -"Sure. Honestly, do they bother you so much?" You frown. - -"Yes, even me. Can you imagine? Me!" - -"That just shows you. If you'll pardon my being frank...." - -"Of course." - -"I can't imagine anything like that, with you." - -"Certainly. I know. That's why we get along so well, isn't it?" - -"We are--friends, aren't we?" - -"Sure!" - -Squeeze her hand and puff at your pipe, thinking deeply. Then sigh, and -say, "Funny thing, sex." - -"Isn't it!" - -"You know, it's wonderful to be able to talk like this to a girl. I -couldn't if you were really a--a woman in my mind. But I don't feel that -way about you at all. You're my friend. You don't appeal to me that -way." - -She wonders vaguely if she likes that. But she answers quickly. "Thank -you. I know you mean it. You know, a friendship like that is valuable to -me, too. I need it. I used to think that no matter how much I tried, it -was just impossible to have a man for a real friend." - -"Really? Then we're square, because you mean a lot to me." - -Put your arm around her and look into the fire. - -"That's another thing," she says, thoughtfully. "That's another reason I -wish I could be a man. You have an awfully easy time with that sort of -thing, don't you?" - -"What? Gosh, no. I don't see how anybody could think so." - -"Really? I always thought you did. I don't know very much about it, -but----" - -"I'm glad you don't!" you growl with such fervor that she is surprised. - -"What's the matter? You shouldn't care anything about what I do--like -that. Not if we're friends the way you say." - -"Well, I'll tell you." Pull her closer to your shoulder. "I can't break -away from a funny idea I have about you. I want you to stay just as -straight as you are. It's a queer thing, sex. I don't want you spoiled. -That fine straightness of yours is so rare. I guess I'm selfish to want -anyone to live up to my ideals, but I do want you to keep it." Give her -a little hug. - -She answers gravely. "Yes, I know. I want to stay the way I am, too. I -don't know how I really feel about it, I guess, but I do--I mean, I like -myself now, do you see? It's awfully hard to express." - -"I know. Gee, you're a peach, kid. I do like you." - -"Thanks...." Kiss her softly on the cheek. "Look!" she cries, sitting up -a little straighter. "There's a shooting star." - -"It's awfully nice. Come back here. Afraid of me?" - -"Of course not!" But she sits up. - -"You don't trust me?" - -"Don't! Of course I do." - -"Then why act like that? You'll hurt my feelings." - -"Oh, I didn't mean to!" She settles back against your shoulder. Kiss her -on the mouth; she struggles away. - -"What's the matter, dear?" you murmur. "I thought you trusted me. What's -the matter?" - -"Why, I didn't mean--I do trust you. Only...." She stops and looks away -from you. - -"Then what is it? I don't understand. Do you mean you--you can't trust -yourself? I thought you were so sensible about these things." - -"Of course I can. I'm not a man!" - -"No, dear. But you're a woman, aren't you? Are you afraid, really?" - -"I'm not afraid. I just didn't want to." - -"Oh, I'm sorry...." - -"I didn't mean I didn't want to." - -"Just don't care?" - -"Not exactly that...." - -Laugh. "You're a darling. I'm going to kiss you again. That'll be all -right?" - -"Sure, I guess so." - -"You really liked it." - -"A little." - -"Don't keep moving away like that! I'll think you hate me. You just said -we were friends." - -"Yes, but...." - -"Comfortable?" - -"Yes, but...." - -"There now, I won't bother you any more if you'll only show that you -trust me. Darling!" - -The fire smolders, unnoticed. - - - - - 13. PROMISE ME YOU WON'T - - -_TYPE:_ - - Large, clumsy, good-hearted. A shrewd business man, whatever - that means. Usually married. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Intelligent, pretty little specimen of Independent Womanhood, - just beginning to question the desirability of a lifetime among - the file cases. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Small Apartment - 2 Chairs - 1 Batik Drapery - 2 Bed-Sofas - 1 Japanese Print - 1 Indifferently Good Caricature in Crayon. - -_REMARKS:_ - - Somehow the sight of a man being paternal arouses in woman a - protective instinct on her own part; an indulgent affection - compounded of amusement and gratitude. - - - PROMISE ME YOU WON'T - -You are uncomfortable. You are both sitting on one of the sofas, but -with a great difference of mien. She is curled up among the -cushions--she is a supple little thing, and seems to be comfortable, but -you are leaning forward with your hands clasped between your knees, -which are rather ludicrously raised from the floor because the couch -sags. Anyway, it is never becoming to you to argue; your face grows red -and you look more clumsy than ever. She is enjoying the new sensation of -seeing you ill at ease, and because of her. In the office it is so often -the other way around. - -"But I don't think it is good for you," you are saying. - -"I don't see why." - -"It isn't good for anyone to be too much alone." Speak doggedly in the -tone of one who has made the same remark at intervals all his life. - -"Oh no," she protests. "I think it depends a lot on the person. I think -everybody ought to have privacy. I don't see how the people here do -without it, I really don't. I have to keep my shades down all the time, -living in the basement like this. Even at that the girls are always -coming in--a couple of people have keys." - -"What?" you cry. She laughs. - -"Just the girls, silly." You are somewhat confused and she feels abashed -at having called you silly. It sounds too intimate, somehow. Move your -feet uneasily and knit your brows in an effort to say tactfully just -what you think. - -"I don't like it. You need your rest. It's all right for a while but -pretty soon it'll react on you. I don't understand you girls. You don't -use one of these studios for anything, you're at the office all day -anyway. You don't even save so much money." She laughs and then looks at -you inquisitively. - -"Really, you're taking it awfully hard. What's the matter? What's -worrying you?" - -"I don't know.... I just don't like it all." - -"I know," she says, teasingly. "You didn't like the dinner. I know you -didn't. Confess you didn't!" - -"I'm not worrying about the dinner," you say hastily. "I don't care much -about what I eat; it was only that the place didn't look clean. You -never eat their stew or anything like that, do you?" - -She answers sarcastically, "It's terribly nice of you to worry so much -about me...." and you flush. - -"Now, don't talk like that. Please don't." - -"No, honestly, I mean it. I wrote Mother that she certainly wouldn't -worry so much about me if she could hear how you're always lecturing me. -I'm so afraid you'll walk into the office some day when it's raining and -bellow, 'Miss Merrill, where are your rubbers?'" - -This is better. Relax and laugh loudly. "Better look out, or I will!" - -In the relaxed atmosphere of the joke you suddenly find enough courage -to lean over the necessary few inches and put a hand on her shoulder, -rubbing your cheek against hers for a second. - -She is discomposed, although it is not very surprising after all. - -"Here!" she protests, breathlessly. "Stop that! Why did you do that?" - -"Sorry. But I wanted to." - -"Well...." She is at a loss. She giggles and says, "And besides, you -need a shave." - -"Yeah. Sorry.... Another thing, I think probably you don't have very -good people hanging around here." - -"How can you tell? You haven't met anyone but Mary. You said she has -nice ankles." - -"Did I?" you ask, surprised. "Maybe I did. But I don't like women to cut -their hair so short. That's one of the things I like about you, by the -way. You may be in business and all that, but you haven't lost your -femininity." Close your hand over hers where it lies on the cushion. - -"That's not a compliment these days." - -Shake your head violently. "Don't kid yourself. We really like the same -type all the time, we men. You know, you worry me a lot in the office." - -"Really? How?" - -"Well, because----" Stop and knit your brows. You are trying very hard -to express yourself sincerely. "In the office you treat everybody so -darned nice.... I mean you're a great little mixer and it's fine for -business, but doesn't anyone ever misunderstand? You know what I mean, -don't you?" - -She looks at you with a startled expression which changes to a hurt one. -She falters. "You mean I don't act--do I act too fast? I'm awfully -sorry. I thought that----" - -Pat her hand furiously. "No, no! You act fine! I didn't mean to -criticize you at all, but you know how men are. Listen here." You raise -her chin and look at her eyes searchingly. "If anybody tries to put -anything over on you I want you to come and tell me about it. I want to -be a friend of yours." - -"Thank you," she says softly, "I consider you a friend now." - -"That's mighty nice of you. It makes me feel fine. You're such a decent -kid, and I don't think you know a thing about life." - -"Oh," she cries pettishly, "there you go again! I guess I can take care -of myself!" - -"Yes, but this is what worries me. I don't like the idea of these -long-haired kids filling your mind up with free love theories and all -that. You're an intelligent kid too, and youngsters like you are sort of -experimental." - -"But----" - -"Wait a minute. You don't know; you can't tell now how you might feel -one of these days. It's dangerous, this stuff. You may not know it, but -we're a pretty rotten lot. Most men are out for what they can get." - -"I think that's horrid; to be worrying like that all the time. I don't -want to have to be on my guard all the time." - -"Of course you don't. Of course you don't." - -"And as for my being silly, I think you ought to realize that I have a -little common sense. Or even if you don't think so, don't you think that -I have some ideals?" - -"That's the way I like to hear you talk. Maybe you think I'm being sort -of nosey, but I can't help worrying about you. You're awfully sweet." - -She has a fleeting moment of misgiving. This isn't the way a boss ought -to be talking. But you are very kind to be so worried.... "Yes," she -says, flippantly, "If I were Miss Moser you wouldn't take so much -trouble, I guess." - -"Well, nobody's likely to bother her, at her age. I do want to keep an -eye on you. You don't look so efficient as you are; a man's likely to -forget what a swell little secretary you are when he looks at you. Here, -isn't this more comfortable?" Put your arm under her head. The room is -very still and cozy. "Listen." - -"What?" she says, comfortably. - -"I want to ask you something." - -"What?" - -"I want to ask you to promise me something." - -"Well?" - -"Promise me that--that you won't let anyone...." Silence. "Hm-m-m?" - -"If you think that I need to promise----" - -Kiss her (to silence her). Then--"You know I don't mistrust you," you -say, gruffly, "but I get worried. Won't you promise?" - -"Sure," she answers. The silence of the room flows over you again, and -it too holds a promise. - - - - - 14. AH, WHAT IS LIFE? - - -_TYPE:_ - - Middle-aged, plump, precious. The kind of man who goes to teas - and avoids unpleasant situations, but does nothing else. Small - white hands and shiny lips. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Ardent adolescent, seventeen or so. Quick to find Beauty in a - poem or an automobile, an eclair or a man. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Long low living room - 4 Bookcases - 20 Ashtrays, all different - 1 Tea set - -_REMARKS:_ - - Before attempting this experiment, read Freud on the connection - between artistic appreciation and the reproductive instinct. - This is an indirect method and calls for careful handling. - - - AH, WHAT IS LIFE? - -"But don't you think," says Cynthia, "that as a rule we lose sight of -that quality? It's no use trying to _cultivate_ a soul." - -"No," you answer lazily, wisely, "I should be distinctly annoyed with -anyone who plucked my sleeve when I was busy, no matter how many -hyacinths he might wish to call to my attention. No, the true sense of -beauty thrives only where it is not watched. Unfortunately it becomes -self-conscious far too easily. And then, of course, one becomes -articulate ... after he has lost his reason for speech.... Ah," with a -wistful little smile, "I'm mawkish today. You mustn't start me off, my -dear. Look at the tender color on the sky and stop thinking. I'll read -to you. Something decadent. Here. - - White clouds are in the sky. - Blue shadows of the hills - Between us two must lie. - The road is rough and far. - Deep fords between us are. - I pray you not to die." - -She says nothing; she does not even sigh. She looks at you and waits. - -"Ah, youth, youth! The beautiful simplicity, the terrible complexity of -inexperience. Straight, clean.... I have lost the gift. I cannot read -that poetry. Give me the sophisticated; the keen irony of Eliot; the -ponderous exaltation of the negroes...." - -"Of course," she says, in a rather chastened tone. "But I still like -music in my poetry. Don't you still like the Hymn to Proserpine--or -don't you remember? 'From too much love of living----'" - -Take it up and finish it smoothly, with an indulgent smile but giving it -full value and a dying fall. - -"I'll wager," you say, smiling, "that you know every word of Rupert -Brooke." - -She blushes. "That isn't fair! You know all about me!" - -"It isn't hard," you say. "I was so much like you at your age, you see. -There, I'll stop teasing. Let's talk about something else. Look at my -greatest treasure, down there in the corner of the bookshelf. No, not -that. That's a Blake. It's a nice little thing, but you'll get yourself -dusty. There it is. First edition. Did you ever see one before?" - -She is not sure which of the two volumes you are speaking of; the -Beardsley Salome or the new Contes Drolatique. She is exquisitely -careful and reverent with both of them; opening one on her lap and -looking at it for a minute. She doesn't stay interested very long, -however. She wants to listen. - -"Just toys, of course," you say. "I'm ridiculously dependent on material -things like that. The more delicate the edifice the more firm the -foundation, I've decided. No----" as she starts to speak, with an ardent -gasp--"I know you don't agree with me. The tree of Job and a savorless -crust in the desert for you; with a voluptuous purple sunset in piquant -contrast...." - -"That's cruel of you!" she cries. - -"Yes, it is. You mustn't be so sensitive. I like to tease you; then I'm -always sorry. I don't know why I do it. Yes I do. It's really that I -envy--bitterly--your ideal asceticism. So you mustn't pay any attention -to me. I'm pink and old and plump and I don't know what I'm talking -about. Go on home and call up your--Boy Friend, isn't that what you call -him? Go on out and dance, little pagan. Dance and stop worrying. I'll -worry for you. I'll burn incense and think of you, and pray for myself." - -She ignores this nobly. "Incense? Where do you burn it? In front of that -gold thing there?" - -"Thing? My dear!" Speak gravely. "Tread softly: he hates you enough -already. He is old and you are young: he is only half divine, and -you...." - -"I do believe," she giggles, "that you're really afraid of him!" - -"Of course I am. But I shall overthrow him soon, out of my own strength. -I'm going to be a Papist." - -"Honestly?" - -"Yes, it has the true aestheticism of aristocracy." - -She sighs. "You say things so wonderfully. You're absolutely -continental." - -"Dear child! You shall have some tea for that. My very special flower -tea. Sit there so I can see you while I fix it. No, don't read that -book. It isn't for little girls." - -She promptly begins to read it. Bring out the table and connect the -little electric range for hot water. The long shadowy room grows darker -and outside the automobiles begin to turn on their lights. - -"There now," you say. "Take this, if you like the cup." - -"Oh, isn't it lovely! I think it's so nice that your cups are all -different. Mother simply insists on having everything in sets, even our -books." - -Groan in agony, and you smile at each other, feeling cozy and superior. -She eats one piece of cinnamon toast and glances wistfully at another, -but decides against it. - -"We'll leave the things for Maria in the morning," you explain. "Then -it's perfect. Now where is that poem you were going to show me?" - -"Oh, I can't," she cries. "It's dreadful!" - -"Don't be silly, please," you beg. - -"All right. I think you'd better read it yourself. Don't you hate to -have people read your things?" Miserably, she pretends to look at a book -while you read. - -"But this is lovely!" you cry. "Here, I'll read it aloud. - - At night I close my window - And through the glass I see - Dancing in the moonlight - A silver tree. - - I dream about it all night long, - But in the early dawn - With dream and sleep and part of youth - The tree is gone. - -Lovely! It has a freshness, a sincerity...." - -"Oh, honestly? You're just saying it!" - -You answer severely, "I'm not speaking now as a friend, my dear. I'm -speaking as a critic." - -"Then could you tell me how to improve it?" she begs. "It -needs--something." You both think deeply. - -"M-m-m," say in a judicial tone. "Let's see. One thing I'd do, -perhaps--but no. Perhaps I'd transpose the words in the penultimate line -and then it would read 'sleep and dream' instead of 'dream and sleep.' -Otherwise the thing is perfect." - -She nods vigorously. "Yes, you're very right. I see it now. Thank you so -much. It's wonderful of you to bother." - -"Bother? It's no bother. You don't realize--you can't realize what your -youth does for me. Almost, my dear, almost I forget my figure and my -horrible hair and--well, never mind. It doesn't matter. What does -anything matter in the clearness of your voice and the gladness of your -face?" - -She sits very still as you pass your hand gently over her hair. Her -shining eyes are fixed on something invisible that hovers in the room -just over your head. Mystery, or the answer to all mystery? A new -confidence, a new belief, are coming into her life. It is like being -kissed in a dream; wondering a little, but detached; peaceful in an even -exaltation. - - * * * * * - -The room grows darker and the swish of the motors make a faint pulsing -music from the boulevard. There comes an evening coolness. She is -thinking; her cheeks are flushed. The bright colors of the books on the -shelf are smothered in darkness, but you can see that her cheeks are -flushed. She has forgotten where she is, who she is, everything. Very -softly, taking elaborate care to avoid the tea-table, go over to the -door and lock it. - - - - - 15. A MAN MY AGE - - -_TYPE:_ - - Married, more than forty-five, discontented and not very - attractive at first glance. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Warm-hearted but somewhat slow and heavy in her - thought-processes. Has many women friends. Various men sometimes - wonder why they didn't marry her when it was possible. A good - sport, but very respectable. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Chesterfield divan, very comfortable but dusty - 1 Fireplace - 1 Stack of Wood - 1 Fire, roaring - -_REMARKS:_ - - The married man has an advantage. He has had training; he is - actually as one might say trained, or tamed. He is forbidden by - law and thus he acquires glamour and romance. - - - A MAN MY AGE - -"I love this," she says. - -"So do I," you answer. "I'm sorry the place is so messy. I didn't notice -until you walked in. That nigger never cleans up unless Emma keeps after -her. I don't know what'll happen now." - -"Well, when Emma gets back it'll be all right," she says. - -Glance at her in some surprise. "But I thought you knew about that," you -protest. "Emma isn't coming back, you know." - -"No? Oh...." She is fearfully embarrassed. She feels a little angry. "Of -course I didn't know. You didn't tell me. How should I know?" - -"But of course I thought---- Why do you suppose she didn't tell you? I -thought you were the first one she told. I'm so sorry. I'd better----" - -"You'd better tell me about it," says Barbara. "She didn't really have a -chance, the last time I saw her. My sister had lunch with us and went -down to the station too." - -"Sure, that explains it. Why, it was this way. We went up to the cottage -in June, and she went to Bedford after that. We came to an agreement -after we left the city; I don't know just when. It took a long time. We -changed our minds a lot." - -"I should think so," she murmurs. - -"Well," you go on, "it's been three months anyway, off and on. I guess -we've just been really separated for a couple of weeks. It seems longer -because of that adjustment period. She can do what she likes about the -divorce; I've left it up to her. I told her to do what she thought best. -Emma knows how to go about business and all that. Of course I'll agree -to anything." - -"You mean you've definitely decided----" Her voice is incredulous. - -"Nothing's definite. But if you mean is it all over, yes. We agree on -that, absolutely. Are you really so surprised?" - -She thinks about it for a minute. "No," she decides, "not really. I -noticed something. That night you had the party before we all went to -the beach, I knew there was something wrong. But I had no idea.... Do -you mind talking about it? Some people might." - -Shake your head and laugh. "Certainly not. It hasn't been particularly -painful, you see. You're one of the family anyway. Why should I mind?" - -"I'm glad you feel that way about it," she says. "Of course I'm -frightfully interested." - -"Then it wouldn't bore you?" - -"No," she says. She maintains a reserved attitude; politely interested. -Sit back against the cushions and draw a deep breath. - -"I want to be fair to Emma. I guess the fault was on both sides. I can't -help remembering that after all, it was my idea that we get married. I -remember it perfectly well: I had to argue with her. You mustn't think -that I'm trying to whine about it." Smile at her rather sadly and -whimsically. - -"Ben, you know I don't," she cries. - -"I don't know. Naturally I feel a little defensive. After all, I suppose -you're on her side. I met you through her." - -"Don't be silly. I just want to hear the truth. You're both my friends." - -"That's what I wanted you to say, Barbara." The fire crackles -comfortably. "Well, anyway, there it is. I don't know just how it -happened. My fault, I suppose, but I refuse to feel guilty. I'm awful. I -keep wondering why in hell I wanted to get married. I remember in a very -vague and impersonal sort of way that she was pretty." - -"Oh yes," she says eagerly. "_Wasn't_ she pretty?" - -"I don't know when all the trouble did start. I can't even figure it -out. I don't know that I want to." Kick the flaming log. - -"I think I can understand," she says slowly. "Of course I'm trying to be -impartial, and Emma's one of my best friends, but I think that I do -understand." - -"Yes, you would understand," you answer. "There's one thing, though, -that I'd like to tell you. I mean this: I do feel badly about it. I may -not act that way, but I do. It's been awfully hard on her. Don't think I -haven't worried." - -"You know, Ben, there's something I want to say." She sits up and folds -her hands. - -"Go ahead." - -"Well, I haven't any right to say it, but I'm going to. I think that -your trouble is, you worry too much." - -"Me? Worry? Barbara, you're a nut!" - -"I mean it. You think too much for her and everybody else. You pretend -to be absolutely careless about everyone else, but you aren't. You can't -get along like that; it isn't nature. It doesn't work out." - -"Maybe." Frown at the fire. "Maybe. But what about her? She can't face -things alone, you know. I'm sorry if I'm talking too much, but this is -serious. Now we're started on a long subject. She simply can't do it. -She isn't fitted for it. You must know that. You're an old friend of -hers." - -"Ben, how long have you been worrying like this about other people?" - -"You're asking me how old I am!" you cry in dismay. "It isn't polite of -you. I'm much too old for you to be wasting your time on my domestic -troubles. You'll have to be satisfied with that. I won't tell you." - -"I know how old you are. Emma told me when you were married. What's the -matter with you? You're not old." - -Get up and fix the fire to hide your pleasure. - -"You're a sweet girl, Barbara. You've always been the only one of Emma's -friends I had any use for. You're the only mutual friend we've ever had, -I may say." - -"Thanks, Ben. Anyway I'm flattered that you've told me so much." - -"I wonder why I did. There's something about you that makes people talk. -What is it?" - -"Is there?" - -"I think it must be that you're so honest, yourself. How do you happen -to be so honest?" - -"Why not? Most people are." - -"No they aren't. Most women aren't. Emma wasn't. You knew that, didn't -you?" - -She considers it. "Oh, Emma didn't lie." - -"Not directly. But Emma was essentially feminine; essentially evasive. -You aren't." - -"No," she admits, serenely. - -The silence is becoming dangerous. - -"Heavens!" she cries, suddenly. "I had no idea it was so late. I'll have -to go." - -"Wait until this log burns down," you suggest. "You surely aren't in -such a hurry as all that. I'm afraid to be left alone. You've no idea -how lonely an old man can get in a few minutes." - -She laughs. "Well, I'll wait for a little. I hate to leave the fire. I'm -getting old, too." - -"Besides, you're a very busy person and I haven't really seen you all -year. I think I've just realized how nice an evening like this could be. -I think I've been waiting for this for days, without knowing it. I feel -much better, really." - -"I'm so glad," she says, seriously. "I've been a little bit blue, -myself." - -"You?" Incredulous. "I didn't know that you ever felt blue. What on -earth were you blue about?" - -"Oh, I'm such a useless person. I don't really do a damned thing. I've -been thinking all day about things. And then when I see people like you -and Emma having your troubles too--you were two people that I always -thought of as being fulfilled, sort of. Now it seems to take away my -last hope. Emma's my best friend, in a way, and now I find that you've -both been very unhappy. It just fits in with everything else." - -"You make me feel very guilty. I didn't want to depress you. I've been -selfish." - -"Oh, I was depressed already! No, you made me feel a little better, -somehow." - -"My dear," you say softly, "I do think you're taking it harder than I -did. You've been telling me that I am too sympathetic, too." - -"Well, it isn't just sympathy, perhaps," she says. "I was applying -everything to myself." - -"You think too much," you advise. "Stop thinking too hard about life. It -never does any good. I know. I've done it too." - -She is silent, and you begin again. "Barbara," taking her hand, "I want -to give you some advice. I'm a lot older than you are and I think we're -something alike. Don't you?" - -"Well, yes," she says. "I have thought so." - -"There are things a lot more important than little married relationships -such as Emma's and mine. It's those things that really fill our lives, -Barbara. For instance this talk I've had with you tonight means much -more to me than any little love-affair. Don't you see what I mean?", - -"Yes, I think so. We are friends, aren't we? Real friends." - -"That's it. Here we are talking about this and that, and it's the most -pleasant thing I've ever done. It's been a quiet civilized sort of time. -Not everyone is capable of such a relationship. Don't you think we're a -little ahead of the rest of them?" - -She watches you and nods. "Yes, you're right." - -Pat her hand. "You're an adorable child. The fire needs fixing. Just a -minute." - -"Oh, Ben!" she cries. "I have to go. Really. Don't fix it for me." - -"Too late," sitting down again. "It's caught already. You'll have to -wait a while longer." - -She hesitates, looking at her wrist watch. "I oughtn't." - -"Just a minute, dearest." - -"Well, all right." She smiles at you. Catch your breath and then seize -her in your arms. - -"Oh Barbara! I do love you so, much!" - - - - - 16. GONNA BE NICE? - - -_TYPE:_ - - City product, bad complexion but quick brain. Too impetuous for - steady success. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Very young, very canny. Always hunts in pairs with others of her - kind. Fond of chewing-gum and marcel waves. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 automobile, touring type - 1 companion - -_REMARKS:_ - - A very limited method. There are many girls who would refuse to - be subjects on such short notice under any circumstances - whatever. But for those who are at all willing to aid in the - experiment, this lesson should do as well as any. - - - GONNA BE NICE? - -The crowds walk much more slowly on the streets in the evening. They -aren't going anywhere; they haven't anything to do. For the same reason, -perhaps, the autos seem to loiter as they pass the people on the -pavements. They aren't going anywhere much. They're open to suggestion. -Two by two the people walk; sometimes there are more; hardly ever are -there less. - -Large groups of young boys all too young to smoke; all smoking. Little -groups of girls looking in the shop windows. Two girls especially, -looking in the windows for lack of something better to do. Not exactly -discontented, not consciously bored. Just looking. Just walking. - -Among the cars is one that goes a little more slowly even than the rest. -It is a middle-aged Dodge touring car with two boys in the front seat, -very much on the lookout. They pass the two little girls and call out -experimentally cheerful and more or less expectant of rebuff. One of the -girls looks oblivious and yet slightly more scornful, but the other -smiles a little. On the chance of success, the driver of the car goes -around the block and passes them again. As he disappears around the -corner for the second time, the scornful girl suddenly relaxes. - -"If they come back again, let's," she says. - -"Sure," says the other, indulgently. "They look all right." - -A third time you call to them, and this time the girls stop walking and -stand waiting as the car comes to a halt. The boy who is not driving -jumps out and opens the back door. Ruthie, the scornful girl, steps in -while Rosie gets into the front seat, and the car speeds away. It has -not taken a moment. - -"Well, where to?" you call from the back seat. - -"I don't care," answers Bill. "What do you say?" he adds, turning to -Rosie. "Got any favorite drives?" - -"No," says Rosie, "I don't know much about the roads. What do you say, -Ruthie?" - -"Ruthie. It's a nice name," you say, and put your arm around the owner -of it. She does not cuddle down, but sits up more swiftly than before. - -"Why," she says, with a surprising decision, "the Jamestown road is -pretty good as far as the fence with the vine on it. When you get that -far you better turn back." - -Bill turns the car toward the Jamestown road and settles down to -driving, while Rosie curls up in the other corner of the seat and -watches him. They both wait for the other one to start talking. At -last---- - -"Gee," she says admiringly, "you sure go fast. You ought to be careful -in the city. I got a cousin who was pinched yesterday." - -"Yeah? Never mind; I know the cop on this road. It ain't so much the -speed, it's what they call reckless driving they pinch you for. If a -fellow knows his business you can be pretty sure they leave him alone. -They don't care for no speed limits." - -"I guess you're right," says Rosie. - - * * * * * - -"Why not?" you ask. "You don't have to hit me in the Adam's apple, -neither." Ruthie does not answer, but looks out of the car with -unmitigated scorn. Pull your arm away from her shoulder and sulk. The -car bowls merrily over the rough road until it reaches the fence with -the vines, and it shows no signs of slowing up. Rosie does not seem to -notice, but Ruthie calls promptly from the back seat: - -"It's time to turn back." - -"Oh, yeah," says Bill over his shoulder. He stops the car, pulls on the -brake, and in a very business-like manner he puts his arm around Rosie -and slumps down in the seat to a position where he can watch the sky -without craning his neck. Ruthie waits a minute uncertainly, then turns -away from you and stares with dignity at the fence and the field beyond -it. - -In the front seat the couple manage to find a comfortable position as -close together as possible. You glance at them, then back at your own -girl. - -"What you so crabby about?" you ask, aggrieved. "I ain't pulled any -rough stuff. What do you think I am? You don't have to be afraid." - -"Well, what do you think I am?" she demands. "You guys think that just -because a girl comes for a ride...." - -"Oh, can it," wearily. "Of course I don't." - -"Well...." she says, as you pull her over to him, "It really is getting -sort of late." - -"It's early," you say. She shakes her head, looking very uncomfortable -hunched up against your shoulder. She suffers it for a while, but her -mind is elsewhere. - -"We have to go back," she suddenly announces. "Right away. Rosie, we -have to go back." - -"Yeah, that's right," Rosie assents, cheerfully. It all seems to be the -same to Rosie. "We gotta go, Bill." - -"Oh, wait a minute, can't you?" you say, exasperated. "It isn't late at -all." - -Adamant, your girl shakes her head and looks expectantly at the driver. -You and Bill glance at each other and raise your eyebrows. - -"You wait a minute," you say, meaningly, and Bill obligingly turns back -and looks at the scenery in front of the car. - -"Now listen," you say. "You're a long ways from home." - -"Yeah?" says Ruth, calmly. - -"Yep. See? Well, are you gonna be nice?" - -She compresses her lips. "You bet I'm gonna be nice, big boy. Come on, -Rosie," and she opens the door of the car and steps out to the road. -Rose hesitates, looking inquiringly at Bill. She reaches tentatively for -the door-catch. - -Ruthie stamps her foot. "Come ON, Rosie. You ain't got any sense at -all." - -Rose hesitates no longer, but steps hastily out of her seat. - -"Wait a minute," you call together, as your respective maidens start -down the road toward town. - -"We were only kidding," says Bill. "Come on back." - -"All right," assents Rosie, joyfully and with obvious relief, and she -climbs back to her place. Ruth follows more slowly. Nor does she deign -to look at you until you are back in the city street where you met. - -"Now where?" calls Bill. "Want some chop suey?" - -"We want to get out just where we got in," she answers with chilly -sweetness. As the car stops--"Come on, Rosie," she says. And as Rose -trots faithfully after her, with only one wistful backward glance---- - -"Nice ride," she adds, over her shoulder. - -You and Bill look at each other. - -"You weren't so smart," says Bill. - - - - - 17. LIFE IS SHORT - - -_TYPE:_ - - Philosophical and attractive. Really sincere in his ideas; - somewhat the missionary type but better looking. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Almost any girl without too much mentality. Pretty and rather - spoiled because of it. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Canoe - -_REMARKS:_ - - This lesson was an old one when Herrick counseled his young - friends to gather rosebuds while it was still possible. - - - LIFE IS SHORT - -(They are in a canoe, and the sun has just set, leaving behind it -streaks of fading pink in the sky and on the water. It is spring, and -the woods in the distance are losing their starkness. There is no -breeze; the air is full of a premature languor that is not quite warmth. -She lies half-prone, with her hand trailing in the lake; and he paddles -slowly, watching her most of the time.) - -_She:_ Ooh, the water's terribly cold. Have you gone swimming this -spring? - -_You:_ Went in last week. But I was sorry. It's colder than it looks -from the diving-board. I was awfully surprised--it's such a shock. - -_She:_ I wanted to try it today, it looked so warm. But I guess I'll -wait a while. Last year, all summer, we just lived in our suits. My suit -was never dry. Don't you love to swim? It's my favorite exercise. - -_You:_ I think I like sailing better. It's so fast. - -_She:_ Then you ought to like ice-boating. It's much faster. - -_You:_ No. It's too noisy. Fast things ought to be quiet. That's the -trouble with flying in a machine. It isn't really flying unless you have -wings. That must be the best feeling in the world. Flying in a storm.... - -_She:_ I wouldn't want the storm. I haven't that much pep. Swimming's -nice because you can lie around so much. - -_You:_ You're a lazy little thing, aren't you? - -_She:_ That's what they say at home. - -_You:_ I like it. I hate these girls who are always trying to be better -than you are in everything. They're usually funny-looking, too. If they -were pretty they wouldn't worry so much about beating people. - -_She:_ You have such old-fashioned ideas. Well, I guess you're right. I -like to be waited on. People do things for me. I like it.... Oh, look at -that cloud. It's getting rougher than it was--We must be drifting out. - -_You:_ Yes, it goes faster than you'd think. There's a little wind -blowing up. (Starts paddling fast.) - -_She:_ Going anywhere? - -_You:_ Well, I know a place that is pretty sheltered. Say, I'm getting -cold up here. Do you mind if I get down there with you? - -_She:_ No, that's all right. - -(You start to step over the intervening bar, and the canoe sways -dangerously. She screams loudly.) - -_She:_ Look OUT! You're tipping us! - -_You:_ (Laughing and settling down next to her) Gosh, what a funny -squeal! I never tip canoes: don't you know that? Have a cigarette. - -_She:_ Thanks. The lake looks pretty, doesn't it? Just in this light. - -_You:_ Did you ever notice, it's never the same. Look at that boat way -over there. - -_She:_ It looks so little. - -_You:_ It's funny. This is a little lake, but that boat looks tiny on it -just the same. - -_She:_ (Uncomprehending) Yes. - -_You:_ I mean we're really awfully small when you think about things. -Stars and things. Look at that star there---- - -_She:_ First one! I'll wish on it. (She closes her eyes.) - -_You:_ It's a little bit of a star, but I wonder what it thinks about -us. Probably it doesn't even know you're wishing on it. Just think, it -can't even see us. Just a little spot of light. - -_She:_ I don't like to feel that way. I want to be seen. - -_You:_ I think it's a good feeling to know that I don't matter so much. -I always remember it when I'm worried about an exam. It's a bad habit, -though, because if you start remembering it too soon you don't even -bother to study. - -_She:_ I shouldn't think anybody would. I never feel that way unless I -need sleep. I hate it; feeling that way. - -_You:_ You're too practical. I think I have more fun my way. (Smile at -her and flick your cigarette into the water.) - -_She:_ I don't see that. I don't worry, anyway. - -_You:_ No, but look. You take exams seriously and spend all your time -studying or fixing clothes or something. Something really important. -Don't you? - -_She:_ Yes. Only the thing I worry about most is dancing. That's -important too. - -_You:_ Well, look at it my way. Look how long the world has been going -on without me and my exams. Look how long it will go on, probably, after -I'm dead. Look how short life is anyway. - -_She:_ Yes.... - -_You:_ Well, I just do what I like. Studying isn't one of those things, -see? Nobody really likes to study. - -_She:_ I do. - -_You:_ No you don't. You don't really like to keep your stockings -mended, or your hair curled. You just like the feeling afterwards that -you did what you should have done. Isn't it true? Well, then, if someone -hadn't taught you to like that feeling you wouldn't be doing those -things. Now, the things I like, I wasn't taught. I like to eat. Nobody -ever had to tell me to do that. I like to sleep, and swim, and sail, and -kiss girls, just because it's fun. Itself. No reason for it, except that -if I keep on this way I can go on doing these things and having fun -until I die. I won't want to die, then. - -_She:_ Well, I think you're the lazy one. Where would we all be?... - -_You:_ I don't know, but wherever it was we'd probably like it just as -well. - -(Lean over suddenly and kiss her.) - -_She:_ Don't do that! - -_You:_ Why not? (Kiss her again.) - -_She:_ Stop. Why should I? - -_You:_ There you go again, asking questions. Why? Because it's fun. - -_She:_ I don't think it's so much fun. - -_You:_ You haven't really tried. Give me a chance. (Kiss her again.) Now -what do you think of it? - -_She:_ Not very much. Let's go on talking instead. - -_You:_ That's queer. You always tell me I talk too much. I think you -don't mind this so much as you say. - -_She:_ You want to think so. I just don't see why it's so wonderful. I -couldn't possibly rave the way you do, that's all. - -_You:_ I don't rave. It's because I know what I'm talking about and you -don't. - -_She:_ You have a lot of nerve. - -_You:_ Well, you can see for yourself that you're no judge. You don't -know anything about it. You said so yourself. And besides, if you're -going to do so much talking about it you're wasting time until you know -something. - -_She:_ It's no use trying to argue with you, is it? I'm going home. - -_You:_ Now you're just running away because you lost the argument. It -isn't my fault. You said you wanted me to talk. All right; I'll stop -talking. - -(Kiss her.) - -_She:_ No, I didn't mean that. Stop. Please stop. - -_You:_ No, I won't. You need convincing. - -_She:_ But.... - -_You:_ You mustn't talk for five minutes. That's reasonable, isn't it? -Five minutes! - -_She:_ All right. (Seven minutes elapse.) The five minutes must be up. - -_You:_ What did you say? - -_She:_ The five minutes are over. - -_You:_ What of it? What's five minutes when the whole evening will be -over in a short time? All of the evenings will be over some day. And -you're quarreling about five minutes. Oh, stop talking! - -_She:_ But.... Oh, all right. - - - - - 18. I'D HAVE SAID YOU WERE FROM NEW YORK - - -_TYPE:_ - - Traveling salesman, always just a little lonely and overjoyed at - a chance to talk or make any human contact whatever. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Inexperienced traveller in a state of high excitement and - anticipation. At a rare stage of impressionability. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Pullman car - -_REMARKS:_ - - This method is extremely specialized, suited only to travelers. - On terra firma both protagonists are different people entirely, - who would be scandalized at actions which seem perfectly - plausible on the train. - - - I'D HAVE SAID YOU WERE FROM NEW YORK - -There's really nothing else to do on train journeys. Reading on the -train gives you a headache; after three hours scenery should never have -been invented. And as for that green plush.... If you have an -acquaintance on the train and talk yourself out with him you will never -want to see him again.... Bridge? But that is our story. - -Sometimes on trains or boats there are signs like this: "Beware the -Professional Gambler; He is Smarter Than You." This is romantic. But it -is not the type of romance which appeals to most young women, and as a -rule they ignore the signs and play bridge. On the chance that you do -not know your Dreiser, I shall attempt to describe the requisite -technique. - -Carrie is sitting forlornly in her chair in the Pullman, with a closed -Red Book in her lap. Sunk in the crack of the chair is a discarded -College Comics. She doesn't want to buy another magazine; she wishes the -man with the cap would stop bothering her with Eskimo Pies and perfume, -and bananas and paper-backed novels. The train smells sooty. Large hard -balls of soot keep falling into her lap. Outside the window is the same -yellowed field that she has been watching all day. It twists and -presents various corners to the passing train, but it's the same field -just the same, with the same wheat lining up into orderly ranks that -fall apart into chaos as the train passes on. Twenty more hours and -nothing left to think about.... - -You walk down the aisle, staggering as the train sways. She looks at you -idly. You are tall and skinny, and when she sees that you are beginning -to get bald, she loses interest. At the same time you see her. You have -been looking for her ever since she passed through the club car on her -way from lunch: you like them small and blonde and young when there are -no tall and blonde and snappy ones. Stop by her chair and smile at her. - -"Would you like to join a party at bridge, if I can start a game?" you -ask. Her first impulse is to refuse; not from caution, but from inertia. -It's the same feeling that made her turn down the man with the cap on -his last journey when she really wanted a bar of Hershey's. But as she -shakes her head she changes her mind. Bridge! Something to do! - -"Why--yes, I guess so." And she giggles a little, from shyness. - -"Good! I'll get someone else and be back in a minute." But you return -with bad tidings. Everyone else is already playing. - -"I guess we got the idea too late," you announce, sitting down in the -next seat. "I wish I'd thought of it before. There was an old fellow in -the back that asked me this morning, but he was getting off at Chicago. -Isn't that where you got on? How far are you going?" - -"Colorado. I'm going to get off this train at La Junta." Whistle. - -"You have pretty near as long a ride as I have. I go clear across. -Tiresome, isn't it? I ought to be used to it, but I never am, somehow." - -"What do you do?" - -"Furniture. Wholesale furniture. I'm traveling for a firm in Tucson; -Robinson and Company. Have you ever been there?" - -"Oh, no; this is my first trip West." - -"It's a nice town, but hot right now. I'm lucky to be away. Just had a -letter from my--my sister and she says the heat is unbearable. -Unbearable." - -She murmurs sympathetically and looks back at the wheat, while you -remember that at times you talk too much about yourself. Ah, well -then.... - -"If it isn't too personal--what part of the country do you hail from?" - -"Illinois. Darien. It's just a little town. I'm going out to Colorado to -visit and maybe I'm going to stay. If I can get a job teaching and if I -like the country, I mean." - -"Really? Now, I'd have said you were from New York." - -There is a pleased little silence. - -"Why, what a funny idea. Why should you think I'm from New York?" - -"Oh, I don't know. A man in my business gets so he can spot people -pretty quickly, and he can't exactly tell how, nine times out of ten." - -"Kind of second nature?" - -"Yes, second nature. I don't know just why I did think you were from New -York. Your clothes, or perhaps the way you talk. Or the way you know how -to take care of yourself." - -"How can you tell anything about that?" - -"Oh, that's easy. A man can always tell. You can take care of yourself." - -She blushes and remembers that she is all alone on this train. - -"Well," slightly raising your voice, "I do like New York. It looks -pretty good when you've been out in the sticks for a couple of months." - -"I'll bet it does." - -"Yes, there's no place like New York for shows. I wouldn't like to live -there, but it's a good place to visit. My--my mother used to live there, -and I never could see how she stood it as long as she did." - -She answers with animation. "Oh, but the little towns get so dull! There -just isn't anything to do out in the country." - -"Nothing to do? Why, gee, what's the matter with fishing? Two weeks a -year isn't enough fishing for me!" - -"But of course you're a man." - -"Sure, that's right. A man feels different. I admit I don't understand -women, and I bet I'm as bright as the next one. There's not a man alive -can understand a woman." - -"Well, maybe you're right." - -"Isn't it time to eat? Let's go on in and see. Will you have dinner with -me?" - -"Why--I don't know----" - -"What's the harm?" - -No nice girl will admit the possibility of harm. She ignores your -remark, therefore, by rising and starting for the dining car. It is -seven cars away, and some of the long passages are difficult to manage -without staggering from side to side. Hold her elbow in a firm grasp, -squeezing it as she stumbles against you, and laugh a good deal. You are -much better friends when you reach the diner. - -She looks out of the window at the sweeping darkness and you watch her -and she knows it. The speed of the train and the feeling of not -belonging anywhere are very exciting. What will Colorado be like? What -is it all about anyway? No one in the train is a real person; they are -all simply part of an adventure, like the armies and mobs in the -background of a moving picture. Even the man across the table--isn't he -simply part of it too? The most exciting part? A personification of the -whole thing, the whole waiting world.... I'd have said you were from New -York.... You can take care of yourself.... I certainly can.... She -smiles at you suddenly, defiantly, gayly. "What were you thinking -about?" - -"Oh, I don't know. The future, I guess." - -"I thought so. Let's drink to it." Hold up your water glass. "To your -future, and may it include me." - -She laughs again, recklessly. Lean over the table. - -"Will it, kid? Will it?" - -"Oh----how do I know? I'm no fortune teller." Again she turns to the -window. There are no fields to be seen now, but the stars look very -large. Stars and darkness and the train going -somewhere--somewhere--somewhere. And that man looking at her and -appreciating all her expressions and knowing that he doesn't understand -her; wondering about her.... - -"Now what are you thinking about?" - -But she'll never tell you. You'll always wonder about the girl you met -on the train for a few minutes. Ships that pass in the night. It's -exciting to be going somewhere. - -She doesn't want any more ice cream. Go back to her chair and when -someone asks you to play bridge refuse without even consulting her. No -matter. Stare out of the window. - -"You know, it's a funny thing. This has been a much better day than I -expected." - -"How do you mean?" - -"Oh, you know. I thought it would be just the same. You can imagine, -riding on trains day in, day out." - -"Yes, I can imagine." - -"I'm glad you got on at Chicago, that's all. You won't be sore at me for -saying so? I've got to say what I think, to you." - -She can feel just how it must be. Your profile looks so tired. - -Turn to her suddenly. "I'm talking like a crazy person. Do you think I'm -crazy?" - -"Of course I don't." - -Settle back again. "Good. I'm not really, but I guess most people would -think so." - -"Why should they?" - -"Talking like this to a girl I just met on the train." - -"Talking like what? You haven't said anything." She is really -bewildered. - -"Haven't I?" Look at her again, quickly. "You know, that's a queer -thing. I thought I had. I thought I'd said lots of things. Do you ever -have that feeling?" - -"Oh--that. Yes." - -"Well, I know what I'm going to say, right now. You'll probably be mad -at me." - -"What is it?" - -"I think you're a darned good sport." - -"Why? You don't know. You don't know anything about me at all." - -"Sure I do. I'm not dumb. I've been watching you all day and I guess I -can tell as well as the next one. Do you know what I think about you?" - -"How should I?" - -"I think probably you're awfully nice." Put your hand over hers. "I know -you are. You're all excited, aren't you?" - -"What makes you say that?" - -"You're shaking. What's the matter? Scared of me?" Your hand tightens. - -"Oh, no." She is annoyed with herself. It's hard on the nerves, sitting -in a train all day. Almost time to go to bed, she thinks--the porter has -started at the other end of the car; his head is immersed in the upper -berth in the corner. - -"It's getting late," you say, understanding her. She nods and thinks -with a new terror of arriving in a strange town. Nervous. - -"I'm sorry," you add. There is another silence. Some perverse shyness -keeps her from saying anything. It is almost as if, against her own -will, she waits for something fateful. But say no more. Pat her hand and -settle back, looking up at the top of the car. - -Slowly, followed by a mysterious growth of little green cabins, the -porter approaches you, slamming down chair-covers, manipulating linen. - -Sit up with a new briskness. - -"I'm going to the smoker," you announce. "But listen, I'm not going to -say good-bye." She looks at you and waits. Her tongue won't move; is it -curiosity? Nervous.... - -"I'm coming in to say good-night," say, your eyes fixed on hers. "I have -a book to lend you. So long." Rise, and then put your hand over hers -again. She simply stares at you. - -"You're a nice kid," you observe, and walk away. - -Slowly she stands and picks up her suitcase as the porter reaches her -chair in his constructive progress. Slowly she walks down the aisle to -the Ladies' Room. A sudden flush of thought as she gets there--she drops -the bag and looks into the mirror, horror-stricken. Why didn't she say -something? What should she do now? Then as she thinks, she feels better. -He's simply coming to say good-night. Sure, he'll probably try to kiss -her, but--oh, well, stop thinking. Just the same she'll wear her -dressing gown to bed; no use giving him ideas. Everything seems so -different on a train; if it would stop making a noise and let you think -straight.... Ships that pass in the night. What's the difference? - - - - - 19. SHE LOVED ME FOR THE DANGERS - - -_TYPE:_ - - Restless wanderer, appearing at intervals of four or six years - to sit on the hearthstones of his old college friends and look - wistful. At the slightest chance of attaining a hearthstone of - his own he dives back into the wilderness. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Any co-ed - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Automobile - 1 Head of gray hair, above one of these - never fading bronzed faces. - 1 Precise accent. - -_REMARKS:_ - - The advanced student will favor this method, since it transcends - the makeshifts and awkwardness of all other human experiments - and utilizes a policy which has heretofore been monopolized by - divinity (see Introduction). Here the student seduces by means - of imagination. It is the culmination of our efforts; the - ultimate degree of subtlety. - - - SHE LOVED ME FOR THE DANGERS - -It is a dull afternoon in the sorority house and Dorothy is trying to -make up her mind to study; but she isn't having much success. In fact, -the idea is so unattractive that she doesn't waste more than half a -minute trying. Everybody has gone to the last game of the season across -the river, and Dot didn't go because she has used up all her week-ends. -Oh, well ... Sunday afternoon and five hours before her date. Nothing -left to read. Washed her hair yesterday--you mustn't do that more than -once a week. Manicured her nails before lunch. Plucked her eyebrows, -darned her stockings--oh, bother Sunday afternoon. And there is a theme -due on Tuesday, but that's a long time and anyway you write better -themes at the last minute. Oh, glory, there's the phone. What if just -once it could be someone unexpected? - -"Miss Dormer? This is Donald Banks, from Los Angeles. I have a letter -for you from Genevieve Reed. When I left I mentioned that I might be -coming through here and she thought----" - -"Why, any friend of Jen's--why, of course. Can't you come over?" - -"I'd very much like to. When would it be convenient?" - -"Any time this afternoon. I think I'm busy tonight, but if you'd like to -come over now or pretty soon it would be all right." - -Well! Oh, well, he'll probably be a mess. Jen never mentioned him. -Haven't heard from Jen lately, though. It wouldn't be like her to send -up a wet smack. - -No, you aren't a wet smack at first glance, anyway. Interesting looking. -Lean and distinguished; something like Lewis Stone, if not quite so -tall. How funny of you to think that the sitting-room is really a place -to sit--surely no one else spent all afternoon on that horse-hair sofa -since the Dean of Women was a pup. If you were one of the boys you'd -know enough to suggest going out. But it is rather fun at that. - -"Oh, you mustn't think," she protests, "that you have to go just because -it's so quiet. We're allowed to have visitors indefinitely on Sunday." - -Laugh. "You're tired, though. I remember Sunday afternoon at school from -my own experience. Thank you, and--I may see you quite soon again? Not -only, I assure you, because my time in your city is so limited." - -Ooo, what a funny way to talk! "Certainly." It is queer, how hard it is -to keep from getting an accent like that too, while she talks to him. -"Yes, I'd like to see you again before you leave. It doesn't happen to -be a very--busy time for me just now." - -"How fortunate! I don't want to interfere with your studies. Can't we -have dinner this evening?" - -"Oh--why--yes, thank you, I'd like to. At six-thirty? Good-bye." - -Oh, well, Tom ought to excuse her for an out-of-town friend. That is -perfectly legitimate. - -"Hello. Alpha Belt house? Is that Tom? Well, listen, Tom? I hope you -won't be perfectly furious because I really can't help it, but it's this -way----" - - * * * * * - -A co-ed is a well-protected person, in spite of what may be read in the -newspapers about her freedom. She is so hemmed in by public opinion--not -the opinion of the outside world, but that of her own public, the -campus--that it is with a distinct sense of guilt that she associates -with anyone so foreign as an out-of-town visitor, be his appearance ever -so distinguished. Not that Dorothy isn't thrilled as well as -apprehensive. If she dared, she would even have dined in the roseate and -familiar publicity of Ye Kandy Shoppe, stared at by her friends and -causing a poorly concealed flurry of gossip. But you would be puzzled by -Ye Kandy Shoppe, and perhaps dissatisfied with the food. That is why you -proceed solemnly through the menu of the Imperial Hotel Dining-room, -sherbet-on-the-side and all, surrounded by the younger married set of -the town, with an occasional drummer or a professor's party. - -"Well, yes, I see that you know Genevieve quite well," you are saying. -"Much better than I do. It's perhaps the only fault that I can find with -my work--the lack of real social contact. Going and coming as I do, I -must resign myself to being the picturesque figure; oft forgotten. -Interesting, perhaps, but so occasionally!" Smile. - -"But doesn't your work keep you in one place at a time pretty much?" -asks Dorothy. "I thought it took at least six years at a time to build -bridges. Surely there are people there--in Abyssinia, or wherever you're -going next?" - -"People? My dear child, you've been going to the movies. The natives are -really dark--much more so than you seem to suspect. Of course once in a -while you do find people, and if they are people at all, you understand, -they mean much more to you than they would here, at home. That mode of -life has given me a distressingly intense way of taking my friends, I -find. You children with your great circles of acquaintances wouldn't -understand my attitude." - -"I might," she says, eagerly. "Once I spent a summer camping--in -Maine--with just three other people, and I certainly was glad to get -back to town. I was so sick of them!" - -"Yes, that might give you some idea of it. But don't misunderstand me. I -wouldn't give it up for anything. After all in the face of certain -things, what do people matter? I give you my word--" here your face -grows intent as you finger a fork; you seem to have forgotten Dorothy -and the dining-room "--a man gets pretty close to the fundamental reason -for things, out there. So close that he is perilously near to discovery. -What keeps him from going farther? Sometimes he goes too far. Sometimes -a boy is sent back home just for going too far--for discovering, or -thinking he has discovered.... Fever? Insanity? Truth?" - -Dorothy shivers. The tawdry dining-room is forgotten in dark imaginings. -Slimy twisted vegetation, slow streams of oily water, houses built on -stilts, lifted from the swamp.... Or the monotonous sun of the desert; -the undulating, glaring floor of sand with one heroic little clump of -tents.... - -"Would you care to dance?" You have come out of it. She smiles, rather -late, and nods. You dance the way they do in those places in Europe, she -thinks--slow and romantic, not hopping all over, like Tom. - -"When do you start back again?" - -"Well, I'm not sure. I won't know until I get back to New York. They -keep these things quiet, of course--international policy, I might say." -For the first time, your smile is for her; a personal thing. "I have a -very definite regret that my visit is so short. It's an unaccustomed -feeling. The last time I saw civilization--let's see, it must have been -four years ago--I was positively glad to go back. Where do they keep you -young girls? Are you always at school? Ah, well--thank education for our -salvation!" - -It is difficult to imagine you at a movie, she thinks. You go, however, -and sit through a news weekly, a very old domestic comedy, at which you -laugh quite surprisingly hard, and half a problem picture before you -give it up. - -"I say," you suddenly announce, "stupid of me not to have thought of it -before. Simply driving somewhere would be better than this. Or have you -a rule about cars and that sort of thing?" - -"I suppose we must have, but no one ever pays any attention to it." - -You must drive a good way before the Sunday traffic is at last left -behind. - -"You drive well for not being used to the city," she ventures. - -"It's good fun," you explain. "Much more dangerous than the life out -there. And you mean to say that you do a lot of driving? In streets like -those in town? Brave girl!" - -Safe from the eyes of any university official, she takes a cigarette. -Your silence and proximity are very thrilling; there will be a lot to -tell the room mate when she gets back. Or perhaps it would be better not -to say too much--to act as if this sort of out-of-town friend is to be -expected from a background like Dorothy's. She is rather different than -the usual co-ed, anyway, she thinks comfortably. More interesting -friends, on the whole. Of course these little boys are all right when -you have nothing else.... - -Stop the car on the edge of the Hawk Bluff, which in the sober light of -common day looks out over a not-very-far-down golf course, but which now -hangs over mysterious abysses. - -"Dorothy," you say. - -It has come at last; she knows it and turns to you with the fatal -feeling of one for whom circumstance has been too strong. And then -nothing happens for a minute. - -"You are a lovely child," you say. Then, very quickly, draw her to you -and kiss her on the brow. And then drive home through the quiet night. -Anyway, it is quiet until you reach town and the boisterous returning -students. - -Home again, an hour before she has to be. Stand in the light-speckled -gloom of the verandah and say farewell. - -"So very, very nice of Jen. I'll never forget it. Something to remember -when I go back.... Lovely child." - -And without even another kiss on the brow you are gone. - -Does Dorothy call up the Alpha Delt house to arrange for a malted before -she goes to bed? Or does she go to her room and sit there in the dark, -thinking? - -She goes to her room quite thoroughly, as it were, seduced. After all, -this is the most subtle method of them all. - - - - - BIBLIOGRAPHY - - -Mrs. D. M. Craik, _John Halifax Gentleman_. (Everyman). -Russell, _A Year in a Yawl_. (Doubleday Doran). -Malinowski, _Sex and Repression in Savage Society_. (Harcourt Brace). -E. Osgood, _Cupid Scores a Touchdown_. (French). -MacCuaig and Clark, _Games Worth Playing_. (Longmans). -W. J. D. Mead, _The Energies of Men_. (Dutton). -Collinson, _Life and Laughter 'Midst the Cannibals._ (Button). -Hamlin Garland, _Back Trailers from the Middle Borders._ (Macmillan). -R. J. T. Bell, _An Elementary Treatise on Curve Tracing._ (Macmillan). -M. E. Bottomley, _The Design of Small Properties._ (Macmillan). -Louisa May Alcott, _Little Women_. (Macmillan). -Leonard Merrick, _One Man's View_. (Dutton). -Mary B. Grubb, _When Mother Lets Us Make Gifts._ (Dodd Mead). -Anon, _Mother Goose_. (Macauley). -Elinor Glyn, _Three Weeks_. (Macaulay). -Margaret Kennedy, _A Long Week-End_. (Doubleday Doran). -Lina and A. B. Beard, _American Girl's Handbook. How to Amuse Yourself and - Others_. (Gregg Pub. Co.). -Hord and Ely, _How to Get a Good Position_. (Gregg Pub. Co.). -"Pansy," _An Interrupted Night_. (Lippincott). -Robert Browning, _Love Among the Ruins_. (Macmillan). -R. S. Carroll, _Our Nervous Friends, Illustrating the Mastery of - Nervousness_. (Macmillan). -Edgar Allan Loew, _Electrical Power and Transmission; Principles of Design - and Performance_. (McGraw). -Laird and Lee, _Laird and Lee Diary and Time Saver_. (Macmillan). -S. C. Johnson, _Peeps at Postage Stamps_. (Macmillan). -Harry Castlemon, _Frank on a Gunboat_. (Donohue). -C. Askins, _Wing and Trap Shooting_. (Macmillan). -Herbert Adams, _The Empty Bed_, _Rogues Fall Out_. (Lippincott). -J. H. C. Fabre, _Life and Love of the Insect_. (Macmillan). - " _Life of the Scorpion_. (Dodd). -H. M. Lothrop, _The Five Little Peppers_. (Lothrop). -George Birtwhistle, _New Quantum Mechanics_. (Macmillan). -Cocke, _Old Mammy Tales from Dixie Land_. (Dutton). -Bernardin de St. Pierre, _Paul et Virginie_. (William Morrow). -Aristophanes, _The Birds_. (William Morrow). -J. M. Barry, _Peter Pan_. (William Morrow). -Dean Swift, _Gulliver's Travels_. (William Morrow). -Margaret Mead, _Coming of Age in Samoa_. (William Morrow). -Etienne Rabaud, _How Animals Find Their Way About._ (Harcourt Brace). - - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Seductio Ad Absurdum, by Emily Hahn - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SEDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM *** - -***** This file should be named 43757-8.txt or 43757-8.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/4/3/7/5/43757/ - -Produced by Roger Frank and Sue Clark - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, -set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to -copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to -protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project -Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you -charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you -do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the -rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose -such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and -research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do -practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is -subject to the trademark license, especially commercial -redistribution. - - - -*** START: FULL LICENSE *** - -THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE -PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK - -To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free -distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work -(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project -Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project -Gutenberg-tm License available with this file or online at - www.gutenberg.org/license. - - -Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic works - -1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to -and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property -(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all -the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy -all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. -If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the -terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or -entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. - -1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be -used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who -agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few -things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works -even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See -paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement -and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works. See paragraph 1.E below. - -1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" -or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the -collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an -individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are -located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from -copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative -works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg -are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project -Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by -freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of -this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with -the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by -keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project -Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. - -1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern -what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in -a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check -the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement -before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or -creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project -Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning -the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United -States. - -1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: - -1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate -access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently -whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the -phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project -Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, -copied or distributed: - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - -1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived -from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is -posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied -and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees -or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work -with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the -work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 -through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the -Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or -1.E.9. - -1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted -with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution -must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional -terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked -to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the -permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. - -1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm -License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this -work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. - -1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this -electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without -prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with -active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project -Gutenberg-tm License. - -1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, -compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any -word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or -distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than -"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version -posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), -you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a -copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon -request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other -form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm -License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. - -1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, -performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works -unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. - -1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing -access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided -that - -- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from - the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method - you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is - owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he - has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the - Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments - must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you - prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax - returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and - sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the - address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to - the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." - -- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies - you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he - does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm - License. You must require such a user to return or - destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium - and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of - Project Gutenberg-tm works. - -- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any - money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the - electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days - of receipt of the work. - -- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free - distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. - -1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set -forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from -both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael -Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the -Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. - -1.F. - -1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable -effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread -public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm -collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain -"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or -corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual -property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a -computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by -your equipment. - -1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right -of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project -Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all -liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal -fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT -LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE -PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE -TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE -LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR -INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH -DAMAGE. - -1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a -defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can -receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a -written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you -received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with -your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with -the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a -refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity -providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to -receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy -is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further -opportunities to fix the problem. - -1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth -in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS', WITH NO OTHER -WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO -WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. - -1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied -warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. -If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the -law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be -interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by -the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any -provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. - -1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the -trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone -providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance -with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, -promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, -harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, -that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do -or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm -work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any -Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. - - -Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm - -Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of -electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers -including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists -because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from -people in all walks of life. - -Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the -assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's -goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will -remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure -and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. -To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation -and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 -and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org - - -Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive -Foundation - -The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit -501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the -state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal -Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification -number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg -Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent -permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. - -The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. -Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered -throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at 809 -North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email -contact links and up to date contact information can be found at the -Foundation's web site and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact - -For additional contact information: - Dr. Gregory B. Newby - Chief Executive and Director - gbnewby@pglaf.org - -Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg -Literary Archive Foundation - -Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide -spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of -increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be -freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest -array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations -($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt -status with the IRS. - -The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating -charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United -States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a -considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up -with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations -where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To -SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any -particular state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate - -While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we -have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition -against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who -approach us with offers to donate. - -International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make -any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from -outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. - -Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation -methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other -ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. -To donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate - - -Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works. - -Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm -concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared -with anyone. For forty years, he produced and distributed Project -Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. - -Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed -editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. -unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily -keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. - -Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: - - www.gutenberg.org - -This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, -including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to -subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. - diff --git a/43757-8.zip b/43757-8.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 73ab68b..0000000 --- a/43757-8.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/43757-h.zip b/43757-h.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index b700a4e..0000000 --- a/43757-h.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/43757-h/43757-h.htm b/43757-h/43757-h.htm index 1afc873..8a107bc 100644 --- a/43757-h/43757-h.htm +++ b/43757-h/43757-h.htm @@ -2,7 +2,7 @@ "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> <html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> <head> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=utf-8" /> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=UTF-8" /> <title>Seductio Ad Absurdum</title> <link rel="coverpage" href="images/cover.jpg"/> <meta name="DC.Creator" content="Emily Hahn"/> @@ -38,42 +38,8 @@ .literal { display:inline-block; text-align:left; } </style> </head> - <body> - - -<pre> - -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Seductio Ad Absurdum, by Emily Hahn - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - - -Title: Seductio Ad Absurdum - The Principles & Practices of Seduction, A Beginner's Handbook - -Author: Emily Hahn - -Release Date: September 17, 2013 [EBook #43757] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SEDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM *** - - - - -Produced by Roger Frank and Sue Clark - - - - - -</pre> +<body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 43757 ***</div> <p class='line' style='text-align:center;margin-top:2em;font-size:1.4em;'>SEDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM</p> @@ -6254,381 +6220,7 @@ method of them all.</p> <p class='line'>Etienne Rabaud, <span class='it'>How Animals Find Their Way About.</span> (Harcourt Brace).</p> </div> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Seductio Ad Absurdum, by Emily Hahn - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SEDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM *** - -***** This file should be named 43757-h.htm or 43757-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/4/3/7/5/43757/ - -Produced by Roger Frank and Sue Clark - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, -set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to -copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to -protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project -Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you -charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you -do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the -rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose -such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and -research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do -practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is -subject to the trademark license, especially commercial -redistribution. - - - -*** START: FULL LICENSE *** - -THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE -PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK - -To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free -distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work -(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project -Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project -Gutenberg-tm License available with this file or online at - www.gutenberg.org/license. - - -Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic works - -1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to -and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property -(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all -the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy -all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. -If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the -terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or -entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. - -1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be -used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who -agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few -things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works -even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See -paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement -and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works. See paragraph 1.E below. - -1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" -or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the -collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an -individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are -located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from -copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative -works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg -are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project -Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by -freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of -this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with -the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by -keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project -Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. - -1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern -what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in -a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check -the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement -before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or -creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project -Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning -the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United -States. - -1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: - -1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate -access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently -whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the -phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project -Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, -copied or distributed: - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - -1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived -from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is -posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied -and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees -or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work -with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the -work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 -through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the -Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or -1.E.9. - -1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted -with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution -must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional -terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked -to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the -permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. - -1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm -License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this -work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. - -1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this -electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without -prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with -active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project -Gutenberg-tm License. - -1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, -compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any -word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or -distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than -"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version -posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), -you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a -copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon -request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other -form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm -License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. - -1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, -performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works -unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. - -1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing -access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided -that - -- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from - the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method - you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is - owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he - has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the - Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments - must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you - prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax - returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and - sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the - address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to - the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." - -- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies - you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he - does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm - License. You must require such a user to return or - destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium - and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of - Project Gutenberg-tm works. - -- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any - money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the - electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days - of receipt of the work. - -- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free - distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. - -1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set -forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from -both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael -Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the -Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. - -1.F. - -1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable -effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread -public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm -collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain -"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or -corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual -property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a -computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by -your equipment. - -1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right -of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project -Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all -liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal -fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT -LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE -PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE -TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE -LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR -INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH -DAMAGE. - -1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a -defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can -receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a -written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you -received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with -your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with -the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a -refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity -providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to -receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy -is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further -opportunities to fix the problem. - -1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth -in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS', WITH NO OTHER -WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO -WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. - -1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied -warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. -If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the -law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be -interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by -the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any -provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. - -1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the -trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone -providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance -with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, -promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, -harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, -that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do -or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm -work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any -Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. - - -Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm - -Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of -electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers -including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists -because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from -people in all walks of life. - -Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the -assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's -goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will -remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure -and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. -To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation -and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 -and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org - - -Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive -Foundation - -The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit -501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the -state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal -Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification -number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg -Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent -permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. - -The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. -Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered -throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at 809 -North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email -contact links and up to date contact information can be found at the -Foundation's web site and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact - -For additional contact information: - Dr. Gregory B. Newby - Chief Executive and Director - gbnewby@pglaf.org - -Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg -Literary Archive Foundation - -Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide -spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of -increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be -freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest -array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations -($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt -status with the IRS. - -The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating -charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United -States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a -considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up -with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations -where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To -SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any -particular state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate - -While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we -have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition -against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who -approach us with offers to donate. - -International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make -any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from -outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. - -Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation -methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other -ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. -To donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate - - -Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works. - -Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm -concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared -with anyone. For forty years, he produced and distributed Project -Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. - -Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed -editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. -unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily -keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. - -Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: - - www.gutenberg.org - -This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, -including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to -subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. - - - -</pre> - - </body> +<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 43757 ***</div> +</body> <!-- created with fpgen.py 2.22c on 2013-09-17 18:24:48 GMT --> </html> diff --git a/43757.txt b/43757.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 2a3686e..0000000 --- a/43757.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,5177 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Seductio Ad Absurdum, by Emily Hahn - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - - -Title: Seductio Ad Absurdum - The Principles & Practices of Seduction, A Beginner's Handbook - -Author: Emily Hahn - -Release Date: September 17, 2013 [EBook #43757] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SEDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM *** - - - - -Produced by Roger Frank and Sue Clark - - - - - SEDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM - - - - - ("Now I lay me--" - OLD PRAYER) - - - - - In preparation - THE SEDUCER'S _VENI MECUM_ - A COURSE FOR ADVANCED STUDENTS - - - - - SEDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM - - The Principles & Practices - of Seduction - - A Beginner's Handbook - - _by Emily Hahn_ - - 1930 - - New York - BREWER AND WARREN INC. - PAYSON & CLARKE LTD. - - - - - COPYRIGHT, 1930, BY EMILY HAHN - - First Printing before Publication March 1930 - Second Printing before Publication March 1930 - - SET UP, ELECTROTYPED, PRINTED AND BOUND - IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA - BY H. WOLFF ESTATE, NEW YORK, N. Y. - - - - - DEDICATED TO - HERBERT ASBURY - WHO TOLD ME TO WRITE IT DOWN - - - - - INTRODUCTION - -Although seduction as an applied art has been slowly developing over a -period of several generations, the science of seduction has so far been -largely neglected. While the value of the empirical knowledge acquired -by early practitioners and transmitted to us by a great body of -folk-lore should not be minimized, the trial and error methods of these -precursors, both amateur and professional, are to be deplored as crude; -for however refined they may have been in application, there is evidence -that they were lacking in that exactness in observation which could make -them valuable to science. - -Only a very few though hardy pioneers have in the past, recognized the -necessity for organizing man's empirical knowledge of this vast subject -on a rational basis, and it is due to their unselfish labours alone that -we now have a sufficient body of observed phenomena, a sufficient -accumulation of data, to make possible the beginnings of a true science -of seduction. It is the purpose of this book, to co-ordinate the efforts -of these for the most part anonymous and forgotten contributors, these -modest, silent benefactors, and to attempt a proper classification -within the subject: to adumbrate such practical methods of procedure as -may in the, let us hope, near future develop into a sure technique. -Owing to the limitations of space and the present confused state of the -subject, it is of necessity only possible here to indicate the lines -which such a development must follow. It is my desire to confine this -work to a purely practical consideration of the subject, and to make it -a handbook in the hope that my students and those who come after me will -be the better able to add to the body of our observed knowledge of -seduction and to indicate the more clearly for my shortcomings along -what lines improvement is required. - - - - - WHAT IS SEDUCTION? - - -In the first place, the word itself is unfortunately obscure, possessing -an ambiguity which we must resolve before we can proceed. I have -assembled an assortment of representative definitions, which follows: - - Se-duce (se-dus) _v.t._; SE-DUCED (se-dust); SE-DUCING - (-dusing). [L. _seducere, seductum; se-aside_--_ducere_ to lead. - See DUKE.] I. To lead aside or astray, esp. from the path of - rectitude or duty; to entice to evil; to corrupt. - -"For me, the gold of France did not _seduce_." ---_Shakespeare_ ---_Webster's New International Dictionary_ - - Seduce, _v.t._ Lead astray, tempt into sin or crime, corrupt; - persuade (woman) into surrender of chastity, debauch. - - --_Concise Oxford Dictionary_ - - Seduire: _v.a._ (du lat. _seducere_, conduire a l'ecart. Se - conj. comme _conduire_). Faire tomber en erreur ou en faute par - ses insinuations, ses exemples. - - --_Larousse_ - -Seduccion: Accion y effecto de seducir. -Seducfr: Enganar con are y mana, persuadir suavemente al mal. - ---_Enciclopedia Universal Illustrada_. - - Sedurre (Seduzione, n) Ridurre con vane o false apparenze al - nostre valere e al male. - - --_Dizionario Universale delta Lingua Italiana. Petrocchi_ - - Verfiihrung; in geschlechtlicher Beziehung ein Maedchen - verfuehren. - - --_Deutsches Woerterbuch ... Heynes_ - -It is obvious that these interpretations all suffer from a common fault: -they fail to reflect the modern ramifications of the word. As a matter -of fact, seduction is undergoing a great change. - -The rudiments of the custom may be observed in the remnants of primitive -society that we are able to study. Certain aboriginal tribes practise -polyandry as an economic adjustment to the surplus of males.[1] With the -development of civilization we find that adaptation tends to take the -form of matriarchy, as in the United States.[2] - -In the early days of our culture, seduction was practised upon certain -species of recognized placer in the social system, and thus attained a -certain grade of standardization. There were the seduced (always the -feminine sex) and the seducers (masculine). It would appear that with -the aforementioned rise of matriarchy this state of affairs is changing. -The predatory instinct of humanity is not confined to the male. However, -the line of reasoning suggested is too vast to follow in the limits of a -small volume, and I mention it merely that the student may think about -it at his leisure as he peruses the forthcoming chapters. - -The extraordinary development of prostitution in the nineteenth century -prefaced the present phase with a last manifestation of the old social -attitude. Relying upon the assumption that the male seduces the female, -we are faced in this modern world with the undeniable fact that the -ranks of the seduced--i.e., the unprotected young women of society--are -also shifting and changing. The orderly arrangement which we have been -led to expect is breaking up. In former times our women were divided -into two main classes, or groups: - - (a) Professionals (those who made a vocation of being - seduced)[3] - - (b) Amateurs (those to whom the process of being seduced was a - side line).[4] - -However in late years there has grown up among us a third class, -designated as (c), The only familiar term which has yet been applied was -coined by Doctor Ethel Waters, who invented for them the descriptive -appellation "freebies" in recognition of their independent stand in the -matter of economics and convention. These revolutionists have formulated -a philosophy which draws upon those of both older classes for its -sources. To be freebie, seduction is neither a means of livelihood, as -in the case of class (a), nor inevitable disgrace, as it is with class -(b).[5] - -It is undoubtedly this school of thought that influenced the Missouri -jurist who, after a long and tiresome case of seduction, in which he -found for the defendant, made a pronouncement from the bench to the -effect that "There is no such thing as seduction."[6] Although in my -opinion this statement is somewhat extreme for our purposes, it serves -to demonstrate the modern trend of sentiment.[7] - -The modern social attitude had its prototype in the days of Cleopatra, -where, as every classical scholar knows, the women of the upper classes -exhibited an amazing independence. In Rome and Alexandria "the -professional courtesans were gloomily complaining that their business -had been hard hit by the fact that the ladies of fashion asked no -payment for exertions of a similar nature."[8] - -Taking these facts into consideration, we must admit that in the light -of modern improvement a new definition is required: one more in line -with present day practice. For the purpose of this treatise let it be -understood therefore that _seduction is the process of persuading -someone to do that which he or she has wanted to do all the time_. - ------ - -Footnote 1: - -The Sexual Life of Savages. B. Malinowski. - -Footnote 2: - -Domestic Manners of the Americans. By Frances Trollope. New York; Dodd, -Mead and Company, 1927. - -Footnote 3: - -Recreations of a Merchant, or the Christian Sketch Book. By William A. -Brewer. Boston. See also Hatrack by Herbert Asbury, The American -Mercury, April, 1926; and The Brass Check. By Upton Sinclair. Pasadena. - -Footnote 4: - -The Beautiful Victim: Being a Full Account of the Seduction and Sorrows -of Miss Mary Kirkpatrick (National Police Gazette: 1862). - -Footnote 5: - -The Green Hat. By Michael Arlen. - -Footnote 6: - -Eddinger versus Thompson: Harris j. - -Footnote 7: - -For further exposition of juridical aspects of the subject see Die -Zivilrechtlichen Ansprueche von Frauenspersonen aus aus-serehelichem -Beischlafe: Hans Hochstein. - -Footnote 8: - -Personalities of Antiquity ... Arthur Weigall. - - - SEDUCTION IN HISTORY - -The records preserved from older civilizations are (as has been said -before) too fundamental in treatment to be of much value to us in the -matter of details. We know, however, that the mythology and folklore of -any race presents a more or less accurate idea of the customs of the -time. Granting an amount of exaggeration in the fables, we have still -the proof that seduction has always been a recognized practice in -Heaven. Scarcely a god has not dabbled in the art at one time or -another. In the first place they start off with the advantages of -divinity and a working knowledge of black magic.[9] They could be called -seducers in the true sense of the word only by courtesy. Jupiter, to -take an example, used methods of archaic and brutal simplicity. To be -sure, he would sometimes take the trouble to turn himself into a swan or -a bull or a shower of gold, but such exercises are second nature to a -deity and cause no delay or exhaustion. Ammon, the Egyptian god, -associated exclusively with royalty, and no one thought of calling him -to task for such moral irregularities. On the contrary, the kingly -family was proud of him.[10] - -A close study of the ancient Indians reveals the fact that they deemed -seduction one of the most important of the arts, rivalling philosophy in -popularity as a study.[11] The Chinese with their customary reserve, -make no mention of such matters in official papers, but a quantity of -poetry and maxims discloses a keen Oriental interest in the topic.[12] -The Old Testament abounds in stories of seduction by means of trickery, -bribery and simple persuasion. It is safe to assume from the records -that seduction in all parts of the civilized world was at about the same -stage of primary development. - -The Middle Ages show some progress. Literature was growing into an -important culture, and we have much more source material. There are -manifestations of refinement in the ancient game, but at the same time -the world was not as light-hearted about these matters as it had been in -the past. The growth of the Church, with its set ideas of these subjects -and its zeal to catalogue the sins of mankind and to deal out punishment -accordingly, gave to seduction its greatest impetus. At no other time in -history has such a vast amount of time and thought been expended on one -idea. It became a sin, and therefore a necessity. - -Added to the stimulation of the churchly attitude was that of the caste -system, which made seduction the only means of communication between the -classes. The Renaissance introduced a new fashion, persuasion by means -of bribery. Kings and their courtiers led the movement by elevating -their mistresses to dizzy heights of power and wealth. The sixteenth, -seventeenth and eighteenth centuries witnessed an influx of new families -and the ascent of many a lowly maiden. Several of the noblest families -of England trace their origin to such glittering seductions.[13] Indeed -this process became at one time so notorious that it crept into folklore -and has been preserved for us in many a ballad, of which the following -is representative: - - "She was poor but she was honest, - Victim of the Squire's whim." - -Even before this period, England had introduced a variation of the art -in the form of Chivalry. This school of behaviour, while professing an -ignorance of the very rudiments of seduction, nevertheless played an -important part in its development, as is convincingly illustrated by the -old song: - - "In days of old, when knights were bold - And barons held their sway, - A warrior bold, with spurs of gold, - Sang merrily his lay." - -But aside from the royal habits, there was no imagination, no finesse to -seduction. It was a stereotyped affair, a furtive irregularity, a silly -little sin. The seduction of the middle classes was a monotonous -business, popular only by reason of the danger it entailed. It has -remained for our modern world to raise it to a place of dignity among -the leading interests of all society. - ------ - -Footnote 9: - -Bulfinch's Mythology. - -Footnote 10: - -The Golden Bough. Sir J. Frazer. - -Footnote 11: - -The Kama Sutra. - -Footnote 12: - -Colored Stars. E. Powys Mathers. Houghton Mifflin. - -Footnote 13: - -Cf. The Complete Peerage. - - - - - THIS MODERN WORLD - - -What are the reasons for this recent tendency? There are many answers. -In the first place, mankind need no longer turn the whole of its energy -to defence and sustenance. The life of the average man is not completely -devoted to his business. He is a rarely active person if one-third of -his day is given over to actual work. - - "I work eight hours, I sleep eight hours, - That leaves eight hours for love." - --_Popular ballad_ - -Otherwise what does he do with his time? - - "What makes the business man tired? - What does the business man do?" - --_Popular song_ - -He reads, he plays, sometimes he wages war, and for the rest of the time -he sleeps, eats and makes love. We find ourselves in a restless age, a -time of experiment; when almost everyone is urged by the same desire to -revise and improve. - -It is the Golden Age of good living, consequently it is the age of -impending boredom. In such an atmosphere we would expect to find a -development of parlour pastimes. These conditions, this pleasant -leisure, this much vaunted, generally diffused prosperity, this -impatience for hallowed tradition and the time-honoured devices for -improving one's time, have given rise to crossword puzzles, -introspection, and modern seduction. - - - DIFFICULTIES OF RESEARCH - -Since the connotation of the word has been altered, I venture to assert -that there have been converted to the practices of seduction at least -twice as many devotees as had flourished before. This statement will -undoubtedly be challenged: once more, I make no doubt, the skeptical -will object to my conclusions on the grounds that a scientific recluse -is of necessity withdrawn from the world and its customs and is thus -automatically excluded as a responsible judge of sociological problems. -It might be appropriate in this preface to enter a plea for our great -body of research workers who are submitted to this sort of amateur -criticism. The path of the scientist is beset with difficulties of every -nature; not only those in the natural line of his work, but the -wholesale hostility of the uninformed layman who does not understand the -hardships and delays of laboratory procedure. In this case I hope to -forestall criticism by claiming to have followed a conscientious program -of newspaper reading. My statement is based on the knowledge common to -the layman. I cite as proof the columns of the newspapers, both the -items of fact and the syndicated columns which, it would appear, devote -seventy-five per cent of their space to discussion of the present -generation and what to do about it. - -Indeed other students of society have gone farther, much farther. Dr. -Henry W. Gardner, eminent social psychologist, seven years ago devoted -his doctor's thesis to the so-called conditions of morality then -prevailing on the "campus." With highly commendable enthusiasm, this -scholar spent almost the entire school year in an alder bush that grew -on the edge of a secluded path known to irreverent minds as Lover's -Lane, where the youths of the university were wont to take their evening -strolls. He adduced the following significant statistics: - -Of the 3,061 automobiles that drove through the lane in one week, 2,009 -stopped, and 2,005 turned off the motors. Of these, 154 drove on again -after periods of time varying to an upper limit of five minutes. Of the -remainder, 1,788 parked for periods of not less than one hour and not -more than two hours and three-quarters. Dr. Gardner ascribed the -fixation of these limits to the period between the beginning of darkness -(which of course varied with the season) and the "coeds'" curfew. - -Of the remaining sixty-three, forty-nine of the automobiles spent the -entire night in the lane. The fate of the other fourteen will never be -known: they were all still there on the historic night when a watchman -stumbled over Dr. Gardner's feet and took him to jail before he could -explain. The vicissitudes and obstacles that stand in the scientist's -way cannot be overestimated. This deplorable incident is merely one -example of the prevalent attitude. - -Another of his experiments was to fix a dictaphone beneath the old oak -bench at the far end of Lover's Lane. He did this shortly after the -unfortunate episode of the jail, and for eleven nights he was thus -enabled to sit at his ease in the laboratory, taking notes. (I myself -have much reason to thank and commend Dr. Gardner's foresight: these -notes, while they have not been used as source material, have -nevertheless allowed me to corroborate many of my own conclusions.) - - - METHOD OF TREATMENT - -The method used in this treatise is the result of much thought. After -attempting several other outlines, I have come to the conclusion that -the most graphic representation is that of hypothetical cases for each -lesson--i.e., each chapter represents a typical case, or synthetic -experience. The student may at first glance object to this treatment, -but a short survey will, I hope, convince him that the system is the -only adequate one possible. Note that each experiment is couched in -colloquial terms, the better to carry the atmosphere of the lesson. Of -course the student is expected to vary the program according to his own -requirements: these experiments are to serve merely as outlines. I have -attempted to avoid as far as possible that wealth of technical -terminology so dear to the heart of the average scientific author and so -trying to the beginner: I have dared to hope that my compilation would -be an aid not only to that small band who have dedicated their lives -exclusively to research, but also to the great masses, the dilettantes -and amateurs who might be able to find some inspiration in these pages. - -The preparation, both research and field work, has been arduous, but -what accomplishment was ever valuable without some labour and pains? If -my contribution to scientific literature has in some small measure -advanced the penetration of my fellow man and eased his path of loving, -I am amply repaid. - -In conclusion, I wish to thank those who have worked with me. Without -their unfailing patience, sympathy and assiduity this little book could -never have been written. - -_New York_. -_Thanksgiving, 1929._ -E. H. - - - - -EXPERIMENTS - -WHAT IS SEDUCTION? - -THIS MODERN WORLD - -CHAPTER - -1. I THINK YOU HAVE A GREAT CAPACITY FOR LIVING - -2. JUST ANOTHER LITTLE ONE - -3. FEEL MY MUSCLE - -4. YOU'RE NOT THE DOMESTIC TYPE - -5. I'M BAD - -6. AN UGLY OLD THING LIKE ME - -7. BE INDEPENDENT! - -8. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR HUSBAND'S DOING? - -9. MUSIC GETS ME - -10. EVERYBODY DOES - -11. THIS BUSINESS - -12. GAME LITTLE KID - -13. PROMISE ME YOU WON'T - -14. AH, WHAT IS LIFE? - -15. A MAN MY AGE - -16. GONNA BE NICE? - -17. LIFE IS SHORT - -18. I'D HAVE SAID YOU WERE FROM NEW YORK - -19. SHE LOVED ME FOR THE DANGERS - -BIBLIOGRAPHY - - - - - 1. I THINK YOU HAVE A GREAT CAPACITY FOR LIVING - - -_TYPE:_ - - Well-to-do man with slightly artistic tendencies; the sort that - believes first in money, then in full enjoyment of it. His - philosophy is practical but not too limited to material - considerations; in other words, he talks well on almost any - subject. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Slightly younger, but of the same breed. The families of the two - protagonists have probably been friendly for two generations. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - A restaurant: one of the more leisurely ones where the dishes do - not rattle but an orchestra makes conversation just as - difficult. - -_REMARKS:_ - - The keynote of the approach is a tacit appreciation of - intelligence on the part of the subject. This sympathetic - attitude is very important. Think it all over carefully, put a - flower in your buttonhole and go ahead. - - - I THINK YOU HAVE A GREAT CAPACITY FOR LIVING - -You have reached the coffee and are putting up a brave fight against the -orchestra before going out into the privacy of the street. - -_She:_ And we didn't get home, after all, until two o'clock. I was so -angry: it spoiled the evening. - -_You:_ Angry! I don't think that you could ever be angry. - -_She:_ Oh, yes, you don't know me at all. I have a _dreadful_ temper. - -_You:_ Well, it doesn't somehow fit in with my idea of you, you see. No, -I must disagree with you. You haven't a temper. It's impossible for you -to have a really earthly emotion. - -_She (somewhat irritated):_ Why, how can you say such a thing? - -_You:_ You're a strangely aloof child, you know. - -_She (after a pleased little silence):_ That's not nice of you. - -_You:_ Why not? It's so nice of you, you know. - -_She:_ Oh, do you really think so? I'm sure I don't try to be. No.... -(_with a charming smile_)--you're quite wrong. It's the rest of them -that are different. I'm really very normal. - -_You:_ Normal? Oh, my dear! And yet, after all, it's not very funny. -Perhaps it's a tragedy. - -_She:_ What is? - -_You:_ Your attitude toward life. - -_She:_ Why, I have no attitude! - -_You:_ There you are; that's just it. Someone of us mortals tries to -tell you how we--how flesh-and-blood beings react to you, and you simply -open those clear eyes of yours, and--well, how can I go on talking in -the face of such bland ignorance? - -_She:_ Ignorance! Why I don't.... - -_You:_ Oh, surely you know how ignorant you are? You must remain -ignorant with deliberation. It's part of your charm, of course, but ... -oh, how charming you could be, in another way! - -_She:_ Really.... (_suddenly her voice warms and she leans a little over -the table, talking eagerly_) No, you're perfectly right. I mean from -your viewpoint, of course. One thing that you forget, though, is that I -don't feel the way that you and the rest of them do. I can't really -understand it myself, and yet ... oh, all that sort of thing; emotion -and all that; seems so ... so messy. - -_You:_ Messy? My dear child, what sort of people can you have known? - -_She:_ Perfectly normal people, I assure you. No, it's my own fault. -It's me, and I can't help it. Emotion to me has always seemed--no thank -you, just demi-tasse--seemed common. Not aristocratic. That's rather a -snide thing to say, isn't it? I don't mean to sound that way. - -_You:_ I know you don't. (_The music plays without competition for a -moment_). But how sad! - -_She:_ Sad? Oh no. I get along quite well. I'm really very happy, except -once in a while. I'm as happy, that is, as you can possibly be for all -your--your normality. - -_You:_ But what a strange way for an intelligent person like yourself to -think! Have you no curiosity? - -_She:_ Oh, certainly. To an extent. But when curiosity conflicts with -one's disgusts.... - -_You:_ Disgusts? Now you are certainly wrong. It gives you away. - -_She:_ Yes, that was a silly thing to say. - -_You:_ Don't you think that you allow your mind to rule you too much? -It's really dangerous. I mean it. Surely your intelligence tells you -that a well-rounded personality.... - -_She:_ But I told you; I don't want to experiment! - -_You:_ I can't believe that you are in a position to judge. You don't -really know what you want; you don't know what to want. I don't believe -you for a minute when you say you are happy. Lovely, yes; but lovely in -a melancholy way. How can you know about yourself, you wise child? Tell -me, are you always so serene? - -_She:_ You're getting much too serious. Let's dance. - -_You:_ I don't want to dance with you just now. I think you're trying to -run away from me as you have always run away from questions. Do you -know, you're a most deceptive person. When I met you, I said to myself, -"She is sensitive," but I never thought of you as being beautiful. I'm -being frank, do you mind? But I see now that you are. I see that you are -rarely beautiful, but that you do not wish to be. Isn't that true? - -_She:_ Why no, of course not. I don't understand it all. - -_You:_ It's just this, and I don't care whether or not I offend you. In -fact, I hope I do. Someone ought to offend you now and then. You're -committing a crime, not only against us but against yourself. If I had -my way--and I'm not being selfish, either-- - -_She (blazing):_ As though any of you weren't selfish! - -_You:_ What? - -_She:_ I'm so tired of it all. Don't you think I hear something like -this every day of my life? All of you working for yourselves, arguing -for yourselves, talking eternally about the same thing. I can't stand -any more of it. I'm sick of it. - -_You (gravely):_ I beg your pardon, but you're not being quite polite, -are you? You're a bit unjust. - -_She:_ Perhaps I'm rather excited. Sorry. - -_You:_ Perhaps not. This is the result of a long silence, isn't it? You -have never spoken like this before? - -_She:_ Yes, that's it. - -_You (leaning forward):_ My dear, if I've said anything.... - -_She (faintly):_ No, it's nothing. Tell me, how can you--all of you--be -so cold blooded and unfastidious at the same time? - -_You:_ Oh, but you are wrong. I'm sure that as a rule we are more -fastidious than you could possibly know. I'm sorry that I've disturbed -you--Check, please! I'm going to take you home. - -_She:_ No, I was foolish. You're right. I'm sure you're right. But I -couldn't help it. Have I hurt you? - -_You:_ Let's forget it all. Let's go somewhere and talk about other -things. (_You rise and start to the door._) I didn't want to spoil the -evening, much as you seemed to think so. Should we go to my place and -look at the print I just bought? It's so early to take you home. - -_She:_ Yes, that would be nice. - -_You:_ There, you see; I've done you an injustice. You're quite human -underneath it all. Probably someone has hurt you, and you won't tell me -about it. I think, my dear, that you have a very great capacity for -living. Let's take one with the top down. TAXI!! - - - - - 2. JUST ANOTHER LITTLE ONE - - -_TYPE:_ - - Virile, young, simple. A man who does not waste time on - philosophical reflections; who knows what he wants and stops at - nothing but sacrifice to get it. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Very young, semi-sophisticated. That is, she has been warned but - not insulated. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Victrola - 1 Radio - 1 Bottle Scotch - 1 Automobile - 1 House--Anybody's - 1 Party - -_REMARKS:_ - - The inclusion in the collection of this lesson is accompanied by - some misgivings on my part. It is a method of which we do not - approve. The true seduction does not depend upon mechanical - devices such as alcohol. I counsel my students to save this - method until all else fails, for it leads to a slackness and a - lazy attitude toward the work. Moreover, it is against the law - in this country to buy liquor or to carry it around. - - - JUST ANOTHER LITTLE ONE - -1. The introduction. Give everyone full notice, but when her name is -mentioned, employ the personal touch in your bow--the lingering glance -shading off in friendly admiration. - -2. Wait half an hour, perhaps employing the time with a drink. Dance -with everyone else and be looking at her twice when she glances your -way. - -3. Suddenly walking over to her, you should look accusingly at the -half-full glass in her hand. - -"You don't mean to tell me that's your first?" - -"Yes." - -"Say, who are you anyway? Have I ever seen you around?" - -"No, Joe and Edna brought me. I don't know anyone here very well." - -"Who's Joe?" - -"The little fellow over there." - -"Your heavy?" - -"Silly! No, of course not. He and Edna just got married. That's why -they're having this party, isn't it?" - -"I don't know. I was invited, that's all I know. Well, see you later." - -Get up and go away at this point; too much at first is too much. - -4. Soon after this it is likely that the lady will finish her glass -mechanically; and the next one will go down with more alacrity. Keep an -eye on her, and when she has finished the second one come back and ask -her to dance. If you are a good dancer the whole thing is easier, but so -few of you are. - -Put her down when it is over, smile at her politely and go away again. -This mystifies her. - -5. Two drinks later. Don't drink too much; this requires as much -concentration as any other business. It's time now to focus the attack. - -After two or three dances the room seems uncomfortably warm, and now -that she is accustomed to being monopolized she won't be averse to -stepping outdoors with you to get cool. Any car will do if it is -unoccupied. - -There will be a slightly awkward pause; breathless and afraid on her -part. Then she realizes that your intentions are all right and she is -ashamed of her own suspicions. - -"My, but it must have been warm in there," she says. "I didn't realize -it. What a lovely night!" - -"Yeah, the gang's crazy to stay indoors in this weather.... Say, what do -you do all the time? I haven't seen you around." - -"Well, I haven't been in town very long. I'm visiting Edna." - -"Having a good time?" - -"Oh, yes. Everyone's been so nice to me." - -"Naturally they would be, to you. I guess you have a pretty good time -wherever you go." - -"Aw, that's an old one!" - -"You don't swallow everything you hear, do you? Well, that's right." ... -a burst of music comes through the window ... "Say, I've got a drink or -two here. Want one?" - -"Oh no--I've had enough. But you go right ahead." - -"Nope, I don't drink without company." - -"Well--just a little one." - -6. After the bottle has been tucked away again, settle down with a deep -sigh and put your arm around her. While she's wondering if she ought to -let it stay there, turn around and pull her head over to yours, very -lazily and comfortably. - -"No! Please." - -"All right." - -Release her, avoiding all trace of petulance. She can think that over -for a while. - -7. After a long time, reach for the bottle again. - -"Just another little one?" - -Of course she doesn't want to be a complete prig-- - -"All right. But aren't you drinking a lot?" - -"No. I never take too much." - -There really isn't much to say. You don't want conversation; she knows -you don't. She does--or does she? She doesn't know what she wants, just -now. You've flustered her and upset her and started her thinking and you -aren't doing anything to help her out. She wonders why you don't say -something. She can't think of anything to say. She's thinking too hard -of something which you have evidently forgotten. It is almost a relief -when you put your arm around her again. Something definite, anyway. Even -when you kiss her she doesn't protest. She thinks that it wasn't bad -anyway; in fact it was a nice kiss--not too long nor too enthusiastic. - -And as a matter of fact, this particular subject should not be a -connoisseur of kisses. She would like to discuss it. Whenever she has -been kissed before, the occasion seemed more momentous, with prelude of -conversation and aftermath of protestation. Your absolute indifference -intrigues her. You've evidently forgotten all about it already. - -8. And then you yawn. Yawn and burrow your head in her breast in an -affectionate, friendly manner; dropping off to sleep immediately. She -sits very still and straight, hoping that you'll wake up, hoping you -won't, hoping no one is watching you from the porch, wondering why she -isn't objecting, wondering why she should, wondering about life in -general.... It's all because she drank so much of that whiskey. She -really doesn't feel so well. Sort of mixed up. Why don't you wake up? -She wants to go in and dance; it must be late. How did this get started -anyway? - -9. She stirs a little at last, for her arm is going to sleep, and this -wakes you. Open your eyes and pull her face down to yours--it's the most -natural thing to do under the circumstances. "Sweet thing." - -She is reassured. You are thinking of her, then. You've become once more -a person, a man, instead of an abstract problem. And she knows how to -deal with people, even with men. It's this other thing that worries her; -this horrible impersonal wondering; this feeling of enmity that lurks in -the air when people forget you and go to sleep. Although she couldn't -put it into words.... - -10. "Another drink, sweet thing?" - -"I guess so." - -"Sure, just another little one now." - -She isn't thinking at all now. If she were she'd probably suggest going -in, for it is late and she wants to dance. But it doesn't seem late; it -doesn't seem as though time is going on at all. She isn't thinking. She -doesn't start to think even when you kiss her more enthusiastically and -not so lazily. This must be the way a plant feels on a hot summer day -when it hasn't anything to do but grow. Not happy; not sad. - -It is only when she realized at last that you are growing importunate -that she stirs herself and protests. She isn't sure what to say; the -protest is more a matter of habit than anything else.... Everything is a -habit.... And once more, for the last time, you say "Yes. One more. Just -another little one." - - - - - 3. FEEL MY MUSCLE - - -_TYPE:_ - - The man of action, of firm convictions and a limited sympathy - for anyone who does not agree with him. Timid or sickly persons - are advised to avoid this method. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - An old-fashioned girl, apt to get a thrill when forcibly - reminded of her comparative weakness. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Bathing Beach - 1 Life-saving Uniform - 2 Hot Dogs - -_REMARKS:_ - - We all have some primitive instincts, even now. A crude - exhibition of brute strength is fascinating to most of us, deny - it as we will. The psychological basis for the reaction of the - subject is probably a feeling that she will not have to bear the - responsibility for whatever may happen. - - - FEEL MY MUSCLE - -The holiday crowd is thinning out. Dusk shrouds the less decorative -elements of the beach--the ragged holes left by children and the empty, -soiled paper lunch boxes. Those revelers who are left see only the long -curving line of the shore and a mysterious intermittent foaming as the -lazy waves crash slowly against the sand. - -Eloise lounges on the beach, watching the slow ebb of the Sunday gaiety. -She thinks vaguely of going in for one more dip before she gets dressed; -thinks of the shock of cold water on her already-dry bathing suit; -thinks of the damp, dank-smelling dressing-room, and decides to postpone -the whole thing for a few minutes. There is no hurry and she isn't cold. -She runs her hand through her fuzzy hair and yawns. She is a slim girl -with a slightly bored expression, and she is younger than she looks. - -It has been a pleasant Sunday, withal rather dull. She hasn't come to -the beach alone; she and the other file-clerk in the office have -ventured out together. But Bessie has met up with a boy-friend and -disappeared. Eloise does not hold a grudge against her for her -desertion; it is understood that such accidents are likely to happen on -Sunday afternoon. But she surveys the long lonely ride home with -distaste. She chews her wad of Juicy Fruit dreamily and gives to the -ukelele clutched to her diaphragm a pensive plunk. - -It is at this moment that you sight her. You are strolling along the -beach on your way in, after an arduous day of life-saving. Not that -anyone has needed his life saved, but three blondes and two brunettes -have required swimming lessons and all of them have been plump. By this -time you prefer them slender; all the ladies tattooed on your arms are -very slender indeed; and two of them wear red bathing-suits of the same -shade as Eloise's. You stop short when you see her and wonder if you -haven't seen her before somewhere. You decide that you haven't; and -regret the fact. You wonder if she has noticed you. If she has, she -doesn't show it. Not a missed beat has interrupted the mastication of -her chewing-gum. - -True to your vocation, adopt a nautical method of approach. In other -words, tack. First walk along a line inclined at forty-five degrees to -the most direct approach to Eloise. Somewhere at her right pause -suddenly and examine a sand-crab. Then look up quickly, obviously under -the impression that someone is calling you. After carefully looking at -everything else on the beach, drop your eyes to Eloise, who blinks and -turns away. - -Sigh loudly and drop heavily and prone on the sand near her feet. -Startled, she looks at you again. Grin and flip a pebble at her. - -"Say!" says Eloise, indignantly. - -"What do you say, girlie?" you counter. Then raise yourself in sections -and redrape your lean length on the log next to her. "Ain't you -lonesome?" you add. - -It is a rhetorical question purely, but she does not want to play. She -chooses to take you literally. - -"Not much," she retorts. "I'm waiting for a guy." - -Answer promptly, "Not any more, you ain't." - -She compresses her lips and ignores you, fingering the strings of the -ukelele in an abstracted way. It has no effect. Pat her arm and say: - -"Give us a tune, kid?" - -"Fresh!" she says scornfully. "Who you crowding?" - -"Aw, don't be mean," you plead. "Give us a tune." - -Eloise shakes her head quickly and decisively. "I didn't ask you over!" -she reminds you. It is a warning that she is on her guard; that she is a -difficult proposition; that she is a Nice Girl. - -"Well, gee, can't a guy try to be human?" Your voice should be petulant -and youthful. "I was just trying to be human. I was lonesome." It is a -plaintive speech, and you look plaintive. But nevertheless you are a -masculine being, strong and undefeated. Probably it is the bathing suit, -or perhaps the air with which you light your cigarette. Eloise gazes at -your profile in uncertainty. End the pause by casting away the match and -turning to her. - -"So when I seen you I couldn't help talking. If you don't like it I'll -go away. I got my pride, too." - -This is a little better. "Oh, well, if you didn't mean to be fresh. You -know a girl has got to be careful." - -"Sure," you say, nodding. "I bet _you_ do, all right." - -"What do you mean?" - -"Aw, you know what I mean!" say to her ardently. "Anybody ever tell you -your eyes are pretty?" - -"Fresh!" She starts picking at the ukelele again, slightly confused. - -"Come on now, babe," you plead again. "Give us a tune." - -"I don't know anything new," she apologizes in advance. "Do you know -that one 'I Can't Give You Anything But Love'?" - -"Go ahead," you murmur. - -She plays the song, and then another, and another. The sun approaches -the horizon and the ocean turns dark and green. - -"Gee," says Eloise in low tones, "I got to go." - -"Wait a minute, babe." Stand up and rumple her hair affectionately -before leaving. Eloise shrouds herself in her bathrobe and waits. -Presently you come back through the night, carrying two hot-dogs -dripping mustard. - -"Surround that," you order, proffering one. "It's a swell night. Anybody -worrying about you? You cold?" - -She shakes her head hesitantly. "N-no. But I'll have to go soon; it's -awfully late." - -You munch hungrily while the breeze dies down over the water. Then -shift, disposing yourself more comfortably, and grunt contentedly. -Eloise gives the head in her lap a little push, but it rolls back. She -decides to ignore it. - -"Gosh," you say at last, "a night like this is enough to make anybody -feel soft. Even a guy like me." - -"Yeah, I bet you're a hard guy!" she cries. - -Lift your head and prop it on your hand. "Say, listen, babe! Anybody who -says I ain't, don't know me! Does anybody ever bother you? Some of these -drugstore sheiks ever get fresh?" - -She hangs her head. "Well...." - -"Well," cut her short, "if they do, send 'em around!" Make your voice -ominous. "Don't let anybody tell you different. Look here." Raise your -arm and clench your fist. "Feel that. There." - -Eloise puts out a tentative and timid finger. "Ooo!" she cries. "Yes, I -guess you _could_ hit. I guess I wouldn't ever try to get _you_ sore!" - -"Baby," murmur tenderly, "you couldn't get me sore if you tried. I knew -the minute I seen you you was a sweet kid. If anybody ever bothers you -again, tell me. A nice kid like you hadn't ought to go around without -somebody taking care of you. I remember once...." Here you stop. -Somewhere down the beach another ukelele plays softly. You sigh and -grope through the dark. She tries futilely to dislodge you. - -"I really got to be going," she protests, somewhat frightened. She is -always somewhat frightened when the fellows get too fresh. - -"Now listen, babe. You ain't afraid of me, You needn't be. Don't go away -yet; you're all right. Just a little longer." And yet, as before, for -all your pleading tones there should be a hint of strength in your -speech. Eloise yields, but whether to your imploring or your strength -she does not know. - -"Well," she says, "if you're nice." - -Silence lives on the beach, except for the tiny wailing of the ukelele. -Silently the water undulates and the moon creeps over the edge of it. - -"Quit it!" says Eloise, giggling nervously. Do not answer. "Aw, quit!" -Still you do not answer. "Please! You're too strong. Oh, quit!" - -The other ukelele still plays, spreading over the night a sweet layer of -romance; singing of exotic love on a whiter, warmer beach in a more -delicate world; singing of love, as though love were a thing to be sung. - - - - - 4. YOU'RE NOT THE DOMESTIC TYPE - - -_TYPE:_ - - The sensitive young man with a predilection for virtuous married - women. Charmingly impetuous. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - A virtuous married woman. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Living room - 1 Chaise-longue - -_REMARKS:_ - - Love, maternal instinct and pity are all emotions that should be - employed in this lesson, but the most important factor of all is - spirituality. Never for one moment allow her to doubt your - spiritual sincerity. - - - YOU'RE NOT THE DOMESTIC TYPE - -The doorbell rings just as she is settling down to a nap, and there is -no one else in the house to answer it. She opens the door a little -reluctantly. - -"Oh, it's you, Arthur," she says in relief. "Come in. I thought it might -be someone special." - -"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" say, smiling as you enter the -living room. Smile nicely; youthfully. "I won't go away, at any rate. -Not unless you're very hard and cruel. I worked too hard to get here." - -"It's all right," she says, sitting down and patting her hair in back. -"I was going to lie down and try to sleep, out of sheer boredom. There's -nothing I really have to do. But you should be at work. Why aren't you?" - -"I didn't feel like working." Frown and look at her defiantly. "Good -Lord, why should a man work all the time? I hate the bloody office -anyway, and you know it." - -She shakes her head at you, but smiles. "I ought to scold you. But I -know too well how you feel." - -"Why don't you lie down even if I am here? Go on over to the -chaise-longue; I'll tuck your feet up." - -"Gracious!" she cries. "You'll have me spoiled if you're too attentive. -Bob hasn't your touching respect for my age." - -Thump the chair as you bend over to arrange the quilt. "Alice, that -isn't funny. It never was funny. At any rate, you mustn't tell Bob how -nice I am to you, or his dislike of me will overflow all bounds. That -would be a nuisance. I'd have to visit you in the afternoons all the -time, and they wouldn't like that at the damned office." - -"No, and you wouldn't ever get to see my new dinner dress." - -Sit down on the edge of the chair. "And I'd have to stay away on -week-ends; I'd have to start playing golf, and I hate it. It's much -nicer to come here and talk." - -She laughs. "Yes, I know you think so. You'd rather talk than do -anything else, wouldn't you?" - -"Wouldn't you?" you counter. "But this sub rosa arrangement might have -its advantages. If I had to be furtive you might be forced to take me -seriously." - -"You're a silly little boy," she says, looking worried. - -"Of course I am. I only wish you said it oftener. If you would only -promise me to say every morning and every evening 'What a silly boy -Arthur is,' I'd feel better about going home so often." - -"It wouldn't be a difficult promise to make," she says thoughtfully. -"Perhaps I do it anyway. You're awfully silly sometimes." - -"Good! At any rate, that would mean that you would say my name twice a -day." - -"Heavens!" - -"It did sound sentimental, didn't it? Well, forget it. You know, I am -serious about Bob: I wish he'd dislike me a little more actively." - -She sits up and speaks with decision. "Arthur! You know well enough that -Bob doesn't dislike you at all." - -"Is that it?" you ask, sorrowfully. "Then it's his maddening -indifference that I can't forgive him. I won't forgive him, anyway, so -you might as well give up." - -"If it would make you feel any better, he said just the other evening, -'Why doesn't that kid get to work? He's been hanging around here a lot -longer than he would if I were his father.'" - -"Yes," you answer, "that helps. That helps. I feel almost kindly toward -him now. I'm glad you told me." - -"You know well enough you like Bob!" - -Shake your head. "It's just another of my worries. I do like Bob. I love -Bob. He's such a child." - -She giggles. "Well, I wish he could hear you." - -"Yes, isn't it funny? We go around feeling paternal about each other and -you lie there and laugh at both of us. Let's not talk about him any -more. I'm not a sub rosa visitor yet; I haven't any right to talk. -Where's Betty?" - -"I sent her out to the Park for the afternoon." She looks out of the -window. "We've had such wretched weather until today. She'll be -heartbroken when she finds out you were here. Now that the family's all -discussed and taken care of, tell me how you are. Have you been doing -anything wicked lately? Tell me some gossip about the younger -generation." - -"What do I know about the younger generation? I haven't been playing -around. It's queer restless weather. I've been trying to write. I'm -surprised you haven't noticed this air. There's something in it. Even -you must have noticed. It isn't exactly wild. Spiritually provocative, I -think--whatever that means." - -"Why shouldn't I have noticed it?" she asks. - -"You!" you cry bitterly. "A sublimely wise person like you? Alice -dearest, why should you have noticed it? Or if you did, why should you -admit it?" - -She raised her eyebrows, somewhat surprised. "You sound angry," is all -she says. "What's the matter?" - -"Nothing. I'm in a bad temper." - -"You really are," she says wonderingly. "I've never seen you like this. -Won't you tell me what's the matter?" - -"Oh, for God's sake! Why won't you get angry? Why won't you tell me to -get out?" - -"Arthur, what is the matter?" She speaks gently. - -"I wish you'd get angry, just once. I'd like to fight and fight with -you. I'd like to make you cry. I could, too, if I only knew how to -begin." - -She looks at you in silence. Then go on--"Sit up, Alice! Sit up and slap -me. Stop looking so damned comfortable. You don't really feel -comfortable." - -"But I do," she protests. "I'm sorry, but I do." It is funny, but she -doesn't laugh. - -"No you aren't. You're sure enough of yourself; you're secure, but you -don't like all this any more than I do." - -"All what?" - -"All--all that you don't like. Why can't you tell me? I keep hoping you -will, but you never do. Why can't you tell me? I tell you everything. -You have every bit of me. You make me tell you everything and then you -never give anything back." - -"Arthur!" she cries, hurt. - -"I can't help it." Lean closer to her startled face. "There's just one -thing I really want. Just one. The one thing I'll never get from you." - -"What is it, dear?" - -"I want you to tell me the truth. To look at me and say, 'Arthur, I -don't really like this at all. I hate this house. I hate being smooth -and perfect. I hate my mother for what she did to me, making me like -this--'" - -"Don't!" she cries. - -"'And I hate my daughter for what I am making of her. I hate her when -she looks like her father--'" - -"No! No!" - -"'And I want to die when I realize that I am getting more and more like -all of them, all the time.' Go on, Alice. Say it." - -She shakes her head slowly, and weeps. "I can't." - -"Say it!" you repeat. "I--Alice, I made you cry, didn't I? Never mind. -Say it." - -"No. The one thing you can never----" she cries convulsively. - -"What is it, dearest?" - -"You said it yourself," she sobs. "The one thing you can never have. I -won't. I can't." - -"Stop crying, dearest. Please. I can't hear you when you talk like that. -Darling, darling, I'm so sorry I made you cry. I'm so glad. Kiss me. You -must, darling. It's the only other thing to do. Alice, you know it is. -Kiss me. If you won't talk.... We must, dear." - -"Yes," she says. - -Take her in your arms. - - - - - 5. I'M BAD - - -_TYPE:_ - - The very young man with all distinguishing characteristics still - in extremely early stages. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Any nice girl under fifteen years. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Porch swing. - -_REMARKS:_ - - This lesson is relegated to the use of the kiddies; it is good - for very little else. In this day of experience and the single - standard it is passe, and I include it more as a curiosity than - anything else. The beginner should know the fundamental - principles, at any rate. For older participants in the game who - wish to try their luck along these lines, I suggest more - restraint. A few dark hints will go farther than any amount of - explicit description. The imagination of an innocent girl can - work wonders with a very slight encouragement. - - - I'M BAD - -"But it _is_ different," says the little girl, with an eager note in her -voice. You give up the argument for a time and sit in silence, hearing -only the creaking of the porch swing's chain above the noises of the -summer night. - -She takes up the conversation again. - -"I mean that supposing I should want to do all those things--some girls -do, you know--well, I couldn't. Of course it isn't likely I should want -to. I don't see any fun in hanging on to the under part of a train----" - -"Riding the blinds," you say, patiently. - -"All right; riding the blinds. But there might be something. Like--like -staying up all night, perhaps, when it isn't New Year's. Bob used to do -that. Mother didn't think it was particularly terrible if he just said -he was studying, but I can't even do that. It isn't fair. Here I am a -senior in high school and practically grown up and they'll always treat -me like a baby just because I'm a girl." - -"Yeah," say, as she stops for breath, "it's a shame." And this is as far -as your sympathy goes. After all there isn't much else to say. -Nevertheless she feels slightly resentful. - -"You don't have to be so satisfied about it," she says. - -"I'm not satisfied. Only I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it. -I think myself you girls are pretty darned lucky. A man has to look out -for himself, and believe me sometimes it isn't so much fun as you -think." - -"Well, even if----" - -"No, you can say things like that for hours, but you can't really tell -until you have to try it. Why, I'd just like to see you in some of those -situations." - -She is really impressed. - -"What situations?" - -"Aw, I couldn't tell you. A fellow couldn't really talk about some of -it." - -"Oh, go on! I wouldn't tell anyone!" - -"You bet you wouldn't! What if I told you that I was caught in a Raid?" - -"Really? You're not kidding? What kind of a raid?" - -"Why, a--a Raid. There's just one kind. The cops come in and pretty soon -the music stops and----" - -"Where?" - -"'Xpect me to tell? Oh, well, then--Place called the Yellow Mill." - -"Oo, gee! Were you alone?" - -"Was I alone! Don't be such a dumb-bell. Of course I wasn't alone. Do -you suppose a fellow goes to those cabarets alone? Why, they wouldn't -let him in!" - -"Then who was with you?" - -"Never you mind. Some other men and some girls." - -"What girls? Anyone in school?" - -"Maybe and maybe not." - -"Honest? Then it was. I'll bet it was Eleanor." - -"Well, it just wasn't. What do you think Eleanor is? A man wouldn't take -a NICE girl to the Yellow Mill." - -"Why--why Walter, you don't know any other kind, do you?" - -"Say, don't judge everybody by yourself." - -"Well--what happened?" - -"I told you what happened. The cops came in and the music stopped and -some of the girls sort of screamed and then the cops started looking for -booze." - -"Did you have any?" - -"Well of course we _had_ had some, but by the time----" - -"Oh, Walter!" - -"Gosh, don't you think a fellow has to have a drink sometimes? By the -time they came we had finished it." - -"What was it?" - -"You wouldn't know the difference if I told you. It was wine. Elmer got -it from his old man." - -"Elmer Busby?" - -"Nevermind. Well----" - -"It was!" - -"Well, what if it was? Do you want to hear about this?" - -"Oh, yes." - -"Well, keep quiet. Well, there wasn't any left when the cop came over to -us, so he couldn't prove anything. He just looked at us and said 'All -right. Outside!'" - -"Then what?" - -"Why--then we went home." - -"Gee, I'd have been scared to death." - -"Sure you would. Any girl would have been." - -She sighs and looks out over the front lawn. - -"Maybe I wouldn't have been scared, though. Maybe----" - -"Sure you would have!" - -"No, wait a minute. Maybe it would be fun to be scared sometimes." - -"Well, I'd think so, myself, but a girl wouldn't. A nice girl." - -"Why, Walter! What a thing to say!" - -"Well, I mean it. Look at the way all of you act--'Oh, no, it wouldn't -be right--do you think we ought to?'" - -"What are you talking about?" - -"You. That's just what you said the other night after the party when I -tried----" - -"Well, really, Walter, I don't see what that has to do with raids." - -"Well, it's the same thing." - -"Just because I didn't let you kiss me?" - -"Well, why didn't you?" - -"I don't like kissing." - -"You just don't care. You never do let me kiss you. You don't know -anything about it. That's the way girls are. No wonder you never have -any fun." - -"Walter, I think you're really bad." - -"Sure I'm bad! I have a good time. You don't." - -"No, I don't. But I didn't mean that." - -"You're afraid. That's all." - -"Walter, I guess----" she stops. - -"What?" - -"I guess you can kiss me once. Don't tell anybody." - -Silence. - -"There now. What did you think?" - -"I didn't like it. It was horrid. If you tell anybody I'll never speak -to you again." - -"Well, then, try it again. I won't tell anybody. Come on! What do you -think I am? Sure I won't tell anybody." - -"Oh, Walter, I bet you think I'm terrible." "Of course I don't. Don't be -a dumb-bell." A sudden voice calls from the house. - -"Willa! Willa, it's ten-thirty!" - -"Oh, Walter, I have to go." - -"Good night. Whatcha crying about? What is it, Willa?" - -"Oh, you just think I'm terrible!" - -"Honest I don't. Can I come over tomorrow night?" - -"You know you don't want to. Oh, Mother's calling again." - -"Sure I want to." - -"All right." - -"Good night. Listen, Willa. Honest I think it's all right. I think -you're a good sport. Honest. Good night." - - - - - 6. AN UGLY OLD THING LIKE ME - - -_TYPE:_ - - The unscrupulous man without too much pride when it comes to - women. Seemingly frank and open; the rough diamond with a soft - heart; Punch wanting to be Hamlet. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Tender-hearted and impulsive. A very sweet character. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Automobile - 1 Package cigarettes. - -_REMARKS:_ - - Scarcely a girl in the world is trained to be on her guard - against pity. As a rule a young woman is sure that she is a - difficult proposition because of her knowledge of the world and - its wicked ways. She is looking, not for weakness, but for - strength to combat; for presumption so that she may step on it. - It does not occur to any normal girl that she might be taken - unawares as an angel of consolation. - - - AN UGLY OLD THING LIKE ME - -It is evening, and you are driving home from dinner in the country. It -is a warm summer night and too early to be going back; you have already -made a remark to that effect. Suddenly you turn the car into a -private-looking road that leads away from the stream of home-going cars. - -"Now what?" she asks. - -"I want to show you a place I found once. Are you in any particular -hurry?" - -"No. What is this place?" - -"You'll find out in a minute.... Here we are." The car comes to a stop -in a natural sort of amphitheater, banked by high walls of rock on one -side and well enclosed by shrubbery that is just becoming impassable -with the full foliage of midsummer. - -"It's an old quarry," explain to her. "Nice, isn't it? I suppose in the -daytime it's full of picnic people, but I like it." - -"So do I," she answers. There is a silence, and you both light -cigarettes. - -"Quiet," you mutter. In the deep stillness the air seems full of life. -Some animal crashes through the bushes, but the moonlight is not so -bright as it seemed and you cannot see him. You sigh, throw your -cigarette out onto the ground, and take the girl into your arms. She -does not resist at first, except to say "Quit! You'll burn yourself." -Then she too casts aside her cigarette and settles down comfortably. But -you are too urgent for her. - -"Wait a minute," she gasps, sitting up with some difficulty and putting -a careful hand to her hair. "What's the matter with you?" - -"Nothing. I'm only human, that's all." - -"Well, you weren't acting human." - -"Sorry. Will you forgive me?" - -"Sure." - -There is another silence, until she has to object again. - -"Really," she protests, "I don't know what's the matter with you -tonight. You've never acted like this before." - -"I'm terribly sorry, really. I couldn't stand it if I thought I'd -offended you. We've been good friends; I don't see why I have to spoil -it like this." - -"Oh, it's all right. I understand." - -"You're awfully sweet, do you know it?" - -"Am I really?" - -"Much sweeter than anybody else." - -"Silly!" - -"Ann, I do love you." - -"Well then, give me another cigarette." - -"No, not just now. Please!" - -But after a little interlude of quiet, she protests. - -"Arthur, listen. You simply must behave. I don't feel that way; can't -you see? I like you a lot, but I just don't feel that way. You can't -make me feel that way, either. I'm sorry. I'll have to get mad in a -minute." - -Don't answer, but stare gloomily at the steering-wheel. She is a little -worried. - -"Arthur, what's the matter? I wish you wouldn't act that way. It makes -me feel so mean. I don't want to be mean. I just thought it would be -better to tell the truth." - -Sigh and pat her hand. - -"You're perfectly right, dear. It's just like you--honest even if you're -cruel." - -"Don't be so silly. It isn't cruel. I can't help it if I can't feel that -way. I never feel that way." - -"Never?" - -"Arthur, you know I like you better than anybody." - -"No, you don't." - -"How can you tell? I don't usually lie." - -"Nobody likes me." - -"Why, Arthur!" She pulls your head over to hers and kisses you. "There, -silly." - -"Never mind, Ann," say sadly. "Never mind. You don't have to. You can -always be perfectly honest with me. I understand." - -"Oh, you do not either!" She is impatient. "You don't understand me at -all, if you're going to sulk like that. Here, kiss me." - -Then bury your face in her neck. - -"Oh, Ann, you're so sweet and I'm such a mess. I'm going to take you -home. I'll just make a fool of myself." - -"Why, Arthur?" she says, gently. "Don't feel so badly. I understand." - -"You always understand, dear." - -"I can't go home while you feel so badly. I want to be a friend of -yours, Arthur." - -"Never mind. It's all right. I know all about it. I don't blame you." - -"Blame me? For what?" - -"For not liking me Like That." - -"Like what?" - -"Never mind. I should have thought of it before. You're too sweet; you -should have told me. Then I wouldn't have bothered you." - -"But Arthur, you don't bother me! What do you mean?" - -"Please, Ann, I don't want to talk about it." - -"You have to, now. You've started. I've got to know. What is it?" - -"Never mind. I'm going to take you home." - -"You are not! I won't go home. You sit right there and explain -yourself." - -"Oh, darling, please let me take you home! Of course I understand. I -should have thought of it right away. An ugly old thing like me...." - -"Oh, Arthur!" She cries out in pain. "Arthur, how could you think of -such a thing! Look at me!" - -But don't. She turns your face toward hers by gripping your ears. You -are crying, and looking at you she begins to cry too, in pity. - -"Arthur, how could you? How could you hurt me so?" - -Put your arm around her and pat her on the shoulder. - -"Never mind, Ann. Never mind, old girl, it's all right." - -"Kiss me," she murmurs, from the depths of your coat-collar. - -"No." - -"Yes. Please, Arthur." - -"You don't want to. You don't feel that way. You're just sorry for me." - -"No, no, no! Kiss me!" - -Kiss her. She clings to your lips in an ecstasy of renunciation. - -"Oh, Ann!" cry, with a break in your voice. - -"What, darling? Never mind. Kiss me again." - -"Ann, you'd better be careful. Really, you'd better be careful." - -"Never mind, darling." - -"Ann, are you sure you won't be sorry?" - -She doesn't answer. - -"An ugly old thing like me, Ann...." But as might be expected, she -clings to your coat lapel even harder. - -"Ah, Ann, loveliest ... you're not just sorry for me?" - -Perhaps she shakes her head. You aren't sure. - -"Because, Ann," you add, in an uncertain voice from which you try to -keep the triumph, "I'm only human." - -There is no objection. - - - - - 7. BE INDEPENDENT! - - -_TYPE:_ - - The young man who can be sincere in declaration of his radical - sympathies. Any one who does not really believe in his expressed - opinions will probably fail. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Passionately impersonal; burning with zeal to destroy the wrongs - of the world. Not much given to paying attention to her own - emotions, preferring rather to settle universal problems in the - mass. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 City - 1 Brief case - -_REMARKS:_ - - Most of ardent advocates of social improvement are the products - of conventional environment. They are inclined to class together - all of the rules of conduct which they have denounced as part of - a deliberate scheme to slow up the progress of humanity's - freedom. If you can associate in their minds the conventional - concept of morality with the mossgrown ideas of property and - government so horrible to the advanced thinker, you are well on - the road to success. - - - BE INDEPENDENT! - -Walking home from the meeting of the Social Science Club, you are more -quiet than usual. It is strange that you should be quiet at all; you -aren't that type. Both of you love to talk; your intimacy has grown up -in spite of, rather than because of this tendency. You became acquainted -two or three months before, across the crowded room of the Communist -Club when you both leaped to your feet to refute some heretical -statement by the speaker of the evening, who had expressed an unsound -and intolerant view concerning Union rule. You had cried out together in -protest, turned and looked at each other, faltered, and sat down. Then -you both had risen again, even more precipitately, looked at each other -again in a less amiable manner, and started to speak again. The crowd -laughed. At last she had bowed to you jerkily and sat down again, -leaving the field to you. - -But when she heard what you had to say she did not dislike you so much. -You expressed her views exactly. To be sure, you did not say all there -was to be said, and when you finished she had to make several additions. -But after the meeting you waited for each other and took up the thread -of the argument again. You walked five miles that night and didn't -notice. Ever since then you have been seeing a good deal of each other, -at little Russian restaurants where each pays his own check, at concerts -where you each firmly buy your own tickets, and even at her home, where -her family gazes upon you with disfavor and tries to persuade her to -wear a hat when she goes out with you. - -Tonight there is a tension in the air between you, and you do not know -what to do about it. She has been quarreling with her family and you -have discussed it backwards and forwards and all around; there was no -more to say. - -"I don't understand you at all," repeat for the twentieth time. "You're -so intelligent about everything but your own affairs. Can't you see that -you must attack your own problem with an impersonal sort of attitude? -It's the only sensible way to do anything." - -"Yes, I know," she answers, gloomily, "but you don't understand, -exactly. I have to battle against all the fifteen years that I was under -their influence, besides fighting _them_. There's an element within -myself that I can't manage. All sorts of feelings----" - -"I know," sympathetically, "anachronistic ideas of duty, and filial -fondness, and so forth. They work on all that. Thank God my mother -deserted me when I was a baby. Father's different." - -"You're lucky," she says. "It makes me furious. After all, I'm of age, -and a lot more intelligent than they'll ever be.... Well, we've said all -that. I'll just have to let it work itself out." - -"It won't," you assure her. "The only way to settle a thing of this sort -is to cut it all off. Why don't you go away?" - -"How can I?" she says. "I haven't the moral courage to hold out against -them. I could go down and live with Marya for a week or so, but you know -what would happen. First Ellen would walk in and talk to me, pretending -to admire me but holding her skirts away from the furniture all the -time. She'd tell me that Mother hasn't been well lately, and then they'd -invite me to the house for dinner and they'd act simply angelic and -rather pitiful, and then I'd come back. I always do; it's happened -before. I know I'm weak, but it's stronger than my intelligence." - -"Of course that's one thing I'll never be able to understand. How anyone -could stand that house for two hours passes my comprehension, and you've -been living there all your life. How do you do any work?" - -"I don't," she says, simply. "I haven't really done anything definite -since the last election. You can't work any conviction into your -speeches if there are a lot of materialists around all the time. Oh, I -ought to starve! How can I go on pretending like this?" - -"Never mind. You're getting there. There's nothing wrong with a person -that could get away from her environment as completely as you have. But -I can see that it's a struggle." - -"Thank you," she says, gratefully. You walk on in silence. - -"Martha," you say at last, "I know one way out." - -"What is it?" - -"Come with me." - -"With you? But where?" - -"Come on home with me. I'll tell Father that you're going to stay there, -and that'll be all there is to it. He won't object; he knows better." - -"Oh, I couldn't," she says, hastily. - -"Why not? It would settle things with your family. I know that type. -They'd never bother you again; they would cut you off completely." - -She is staggered, and obviously does not know how to answer. - -"You're a real friend," she says, at last. "It's good of you to offer. -But...." - -"Not so generous, after all. Certainly I don't have to tell you that I -love you and all that, do I? We know better than to waste our time with -such sentimental stuff. But you know that I'd be only too glad...." - -"I don't know," she says, thoughtfully. "Honestly, I never thought about -it. It's part of my training, I suppose, but it's hard to decide to do a -thing like that, right away." - -"Think of it in a sensible way," you urge. "Try to throw away those -inhibitions. You know well enough that in the course of time we would be -lovers. Isn't this better than slinking and being furtive about it, and -fooling your family? I'd hate it. As a matter of fact, I _have_ been -worrying about it. This would be such a fine, brave thing for you to do. -Come on, Martha, be independent. Prove to yourself that you're something -more than an average female who wants nothing but security." - -"But it's so difficult," she says. "You don't understand. It would kill -Mother." - -"You know it wouldn't. She might think that she's going to die, but she -won't. People don't die over such things. And if she did," you add, -superbly, "she wouldn't have any right to. No one has any right to die -because someone else lives up to her convictions." - -"That doesn't help it, somehow," she says. - -"Martha, admit to yourself that it's the only thing to do. You can't go -on like this. If you do, they'll sell you to some capitalist for a -marriage license and a promise that he'll leave you money when he dies. -You'll be part of the same vicious circle. You can't play at both of the -games, Martha. If you don't take your freedom when you have the chance -I'll have to decide that you're insincere." - -She looks very undecided and unhappy. "I don't know what's the matter," -she confesses, "but I can't." - -Stop and take her arm. She turns around and faces you in the dark -street. It is very late and quiet. - -"Listen, Martha," you say gravely, "it's up to you. I don't want to -persuade you to do anything that you don't really feel you want to do. -But I think that I understand you. You have a beautiful nature, Martha. -You have a splendid mind that your family weren't able to spoil. As soon -as you are strong enough to cast off all the deadly conventions that -they've tied you with, you'll be able to do real things for the world. -And yet that isn't what I want to say to you now. I respect and admire -you, Martha, and I want you. You want me. What else is there to this -business? Come with me, Martha, and we'll work together. Throw away that -background of yours. Step out into the light." - -"Oh, Michael!" she cries. Your face relaxes, and you smile. - -Say, "There now, let's do it all, right now. Go home and get your -things. I'll go with you, if you like. Then they can do what they want -to; I know you won't back out." - -Arm in arm, you walk down the street. - - - - - 8. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR HUSBAND'S DOING? - - -_TYPE:_ - - The man who likes to use an appeal to reason to gain his ends. - He is untrained, but possesses a certain native subtlety. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Small and thirty, overworked, with a face that has been - prettier, but which could be much less pretty. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - Excursion boat. - -_REMARKS:_ - - This is a system which is based on the simplest and most - atavistic of human emotions--jealousy. Reflection upon this fact - may deter from its use a number of my students who would regard - such an easy and impersonal victory as an affront to their pride - and self-confidence as first-rate seducers. It is true that the - success of the method is much more the result of the subject's - internal conflict than of any remarkable attributes on the part - of the student. But it is up to the seducer to be there at the - psychological moment to suggest action. It takes a large amount - of tact and self-control to bring the situation to the point of - this suggestion without arousing the suspicions of the subject. - It is not too easy. Do not treat it with contempt. - - - WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR HUSBAND'S DOING? - -It is night on the boat; the last evening of the -See-America-First-Cruise; Excursion tickets good until August -thirty-first; Send the wife and kiddies if you can't go yourself. It is -night and all the children have gone to bed, allowing a blessed quiet to -creep from the darkness and shroud the boat in wistful romance. Two -figures stand in the bow. - -_She:_ Well, home tomorrow. - -_You:_ Yes. (_Sigh_) Back to work. - -_She:_ I do hope it'll be cooler. But there, it never does get any -cooler until the middle of September or after, so what's the use of -hoping? I didn't have any right running away from the house this time of -the year. - -_You:_ Sure you did. When you first came on the boat I said to myself, -"There's a little woman that sure needs a rest." - -_She:_ You did! I didn't know I looked that bad. The doctor told me to -take a rest, but land, he's always telling me that. - -_You:_ No, I don't mean you looked exactly bad; only sort of thin and -pale. - -_She: (Pleased):_ Thin! Heavens, I didn't know that I ever looked thin. -But it isn't any wonder I'm pale. Goodness knows I never get out of the -house. - -_You:_ You know, that's one thing I just can't understand about men. The -way they let their wives stay at home. Believe me, if I ever get married -my wife is going to have the best of everything. And plenty of time to -enjoy it, too. - -_She:_ Well, I certainly think your wife'll be lucky. But you'll -probably have to wait a long time to be earning enough. I guess HE -doesn't have it any too easy himself, working all day in an office. -Sometimes he comes home mighty tired. - -_You:_ Maybe, but don't you believe he has it any near as bad as you do. -I'll never forget my poor old mother slaving day in and day out. You -know what they say--"Man's work is from sun to sun; it's woman's whole -existence" or something like that. I tell you, I grew up to respect -women, I did. - -(There is a pause while you think about it.) - -_She (sighing):_ Well, I certainly like to hear a man talk like that -sometimes. I just wish Joe could hear you. - -_You:_ Oh, he'd say I didn't know anything about it, seeing as I'm not -married. - -_She:_ I don't know. Joe's awful reasonable. It was because of him I -took this trip. He saw the ad in the paper and he says "Mary, that'd be -mighty good for you," he says. And I says, "Yes, but how would you get -along?" He says, "Oh, I'll manage." And now I know that when I look at -that kitchen I'll just sit down and cry. I do like a nice clean kitchen. -He didn't even want me to take the children. - -_You:_ Oh well, it's no more than he ought to do. You're a mighty nice -little woman; I bet he ought to know it. - -_She:_ Aw! - -_You:_ I bet he don't know how lucky he is. Married fellows never do. -How long have you been married anyway? - -_She:_ That's a personal question. - -_You:_ Is it? I'm sorry. - -_She:_ Don't be silly. I've been married six years. - -_You:_ Gee, he must've married you out of high school. - -_She:_ Kidder! (She is pleased.) Well, I guess I did get married kind of -young. - -_You:_ I'll say you did. - -_She:_ I think it's better that way, don't you? Keeps kids out of -mischief. - -_You:_ I don't know. I almost got married, but--I always thought maybe -I'd better see the world first. - -_She:_ Maybe the Right One didn't come along for you. - -_You:_ I guess that was it. Just my luck to find her when--oh, well. - -_She:_ What were you going to say? - -_You:_ Wouldn't it be too bad if she did come along and I was too late? - -_She:_ That's always the way, I guess. - -_You:_ Yes, that's always the way. - -(Another silence.) - -_She:_ You're awful romantic, aren't you? I'd know right away you wasn't -a married man. - -_You:_ That's funny. It's just what I would have said about you. - -_She:_ You could tell right away I was married? - -_You:_ No, just the other way around. I said, "Well, here she is!" - -_She:_ Here who is? - -_You:_ And then I saw your wedding-ring. - -_She:_ You know I have a girl friend who always takes off her ring when -she goes to a matinee. Joe says to me, "Mary if ever a wife of mine did -that I'd give her a good hiding." - -_You:_ Yeah? Honest, you'd be surprised at the number of married women -there are that lead a fellow on. - -_She:_ Really? - -_You:_ You bet. You wouldn't know any like that, of course; but the way -they act there ought to be a law against it. - -_She:_ I always say if a woman isn't happy with her husband she ought to -come right out and say so and get divorced or else not show anybody the -way she feels. - -_You:_ That's the right way to look at it. Of course I guess men don't -make it too easy for you either. Now me, whenever I'm tempted I just -think of my old mother. - -_She:_ It depends on the mother too. - -_You:_ Sure. - -(A comfortable and agreeing silence, while the boat glides on through -the darkness.) - -_You:_ It sure is nice to meet a woman who can talk about these things -without any--any foolishness. Oh well. Tomorrow it'll all be over. - -_She:_ Tomorrow. - -(Sigh again and pat her hand on the rail, leaving your hand over hers -when the patting is finished.) - -_You:_ Don't you think people ought to be broadminded about some things? - -_She:_ I guess so. What things? - -_You:_ Oh, different things. - -_She:_ Sure. - -(Emboldened, you put your arm around her. She starts away.) - -_She:_ No, don't. - -_You:_ Why? - -_She:_ It's wrong. You ought to be ashamed. - -_You:_ What's wrong about it? We want to, don't we? - -_She:_ Say, Joe would kill you if he could hear you. - -_You:_ He can't hear me. Aw, be sensible. - -_She:_ I'm being sensible. You're a nice fellow; now quit. I'm going in. - -_You:_ No, wait a minute. Just a minute. You've got me all wrong. We've -been good friends, haven't we? - -_She:_ Yes, we have. I didn't know you were going to be like this. - -_You:_ Didn't you? - -_She (blazing):_ No, I didn't! And what's more---- - -_You:_ Now, don't get mad. Don't get mad. - -_She:_ What's more, Joe would kill you! I told you he'd kill you. - -_You:_ There can't be any harm in me putting my arm around you. - -_She:_ Sh-h-h! - -(The captain passes them in the darkness, muttering "Nice evening, -folks." She is frightened, and as you put your arm around her again she -does not object.) - -_You:_ What harm could there be in it? - -_She:_ I wish you'd---- - -_You:_ Come on, put your face up. - -(Kiss her.) - -_She (bursting into tears):_ I tell you Joe would kill you. - -_You:_ Say, kid, what makes you so sure? - -_She:_ What do you mean? - -_You:_ What do you think he's doing while you're away? - -_She:_ Joe? Why--why---- - -_You:_ Oh, be sensible. What did he send you away for? What do you think -men are anyway? - -_She (frightened):_ You're wrong; you don't know Joe. - -_You:_ Now listen. You know how easy it is to act this way. - -_She:_ No--I won't listen to you. - -_You:_ I don't guess he's any different from the rest of us. You been -married six years? Say! Don't be dumb. Listen; didn't that schoolmarm in -your cabin get off today? - -_She:_ No, no. - -_You:_ Yes she did. I'm coming around to say good night. - -_She:_ But I don't want you to. - -_You:_ I don't think you know what you do want. - -_She:_ No, I'm going in. - -_You:_ We've got a lot to talk about. - -_She (uncertainly):_ I oughtn't. - -_You:_ What's wrong with it? Don't be dumb. - -_She:_ Goodnight. I guess we better say goodbye too. - -_You:_ Not yet. Oh, have a little sense, will you? He don't know any -more about you than you know about him. - -_She:_ Stop talking like that. - -_You:_ Well, how about it? - -_She:_ Well---- - -_You:_ Aw, go on. - -_She:_ Well---- - -_You:_ This door locks, don't it? - - - - - 9. MUSIC GETS ME - - -_TYPE:_ - - The young man with some understanding of music and its effect on - the untrained ear. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - A home girl with no particular leaning toward anything but - marriage. - -_APPARATUS:_ - -1 Victrola -Records as follows: -Venetian Moon -Tea for Two -Merry Widow Waltz -Livery Stable Blues -Peggy O'Neill -Floradora Medley -Valse Bluette -At Dawning -Leibestraum -L'Apres-Midi D'un Faun -Fire Song -Song of India - -_REMARKS:_ - - The selection of music to be used for seduction is not an - arbitrary matter. A different combination is necessary for every - variation in temperament. Some day it is to be hoped that the - difficulty will be overcome; perhaps someone will be able to - compile a catalogue of effective combinations. Until then the - student can do no better than his unassisted best. - - - MUSIC GETS ME - -"Wouldn't you think," she says, "we'd have something from last year, -anyway? There isn't anything as dead as an old dance record. We used to -have parties and break the old ones, I remember. And I made up my mind -not to buy any more except Red Seals, because the other ones were out of -date in a week. I believe that for a while I spent my whole allowance on -records, every month." - -"Yes, it's funny how fast they change," you say, balancing a -particularly warped disk on your forefinger. "Remember when jazz first -came in--all horns and those sweet-potato things? They were awfully -loud. Dad said the world was going crazy. And then the toddle." - -"Oh yes!" she cries, standing on one foot and bobbing up and down. "It -was hard to break the habit when it went out. What are you going to -play?" - -You wind up the handle, and it squeaks in protest. "Never mind. See if -you recognize it." - -"Oh, Venetian Moon! That reminds me of something. Do songs mean things -to you? Do certain tunes bring back certain thoughts and feelings to -you?" - -"Sure, whenever I hear Poor Butterfly I think of Lorna Doone. I can't -trace the connection exactly, but I always do." - -"It must have been played somewhere when you read it," she says. The -record is finished, and the needle scrapes with a harsh sound. "It's all -rusty," she adds. "I'm going to have it fixed up. I'm tired of the radio -anyway. I'd rather choose what I want to hear." - -"Here's Tea for Two. That was a pretty good one." - -"Yes," she sighs. "I was kissed for the first time when that was being -played. What a fearfully old record!" - -Wind up the machine again and put it on, then hold out your arms. "Let's -dance." - -She glides to you. After the first few bars kiss her lightly. She stops, -pushing you away. "What's the idea?" she demands. - -"I was just trying to revive old memories," you explain. "Come on and -finish; I'll be good. Say, you're a peach of a dancer." - -"Thanks," she says, going back to the Victrola. "Whose old memories were -you reviving then?" - -"Oh, don't be funny," you grumble. "Here's a real old-timer." Hold it up -for her to read; it is the Merry Widow Waltz. - -"Mother used to dance to that," she says. "Let's try to dance in the way -they did in the play last year." But you can not imitate the graceful -swooping circles of the Viennese. "It's not so good," she decides. "What -else is here?" - -"Here's something called the Livery Stable Blues. Do you know it? I -don't." You put it on, and a dreadful yowling fills the air. She covers -her ears. - -"Stop it!" she cries. "Take it off! Imagine dancing to that." - -"Oh gosh! Here's Peggy O'Neill! That has plenty of memories for me, all -right. She turned me down the same evening." - -"I'm so sorry, but you were too young to be getting married anyway. Look -at this? I wonder why no one ever broke it. I think they played it at my -first Prom. It's queer, but the only people I remember at parties are -perfectly irrelevant ones; people I just have one dance with, or -something. This is having a very bad effect on me. I feel so old and -regretful." She sighs and looks in the mirror hanging on the wall. - -"Well then," say, winding up the machine again, "Listen to this and have -a real good cry. You weren't born yet when they were playing it." Start -to sing with the music. "Oh, tell me, pretty maiden, are there any more -at home like you? There are a few--kind sir----" - -"I never even heard it," she says. "It's quite catchy, too. They had a -lot of good songs, in their way. What are you doing? You'll get all -dusty." - -You are struggling with a large pile of Red Seals. "Sometimes they have -a waltz or something that you can use in these highbrow things," -shuffling them. "Here's something; Valse Bluette. It might be good; -let's try to dance to it." - -But the rhythm is too varied for you. You struggle for a while, and then -she breaks away, laughing and breathless. - -"No good," she says. "But here's one of my favorites. Do you mind? Wait -a minute." - -John McCormick's voice rings out richly, marred only by a periodic -scratch. - - "When-n-n the dawwwn - Flames innnn the skyeeeeee - I--uh--love--uh youuuuuu: - Whennnn the birrrrdlings wake and cryeeeee - I--uh--love--uh yououuuuooooo." - -"Isn't that lovely?" she says, raptly. "I always loved that song. Music -always GETS me somehow. Let's play it again." - -"Wait a minute," you say. "I have something else." The sweet strains of -Liebestraum make the air sticky, and her ready laughter is stilled in -reverence. - -Say, "I don't know if you'll like this one or not. It's a long one." - -She sits down on the divan. "Sure. Go ahead. What is it? I don't -remember any of them." - -"L'Apres-Midi D'Un Faun." - -"What?" - -"L'Apres-Midi D'Un Faun. It's French. Listen!" - -She shakes her head briskly as you turn the record over, and starts to -talk. Motion to her to be quiet, and play the second part. She speaks -drowsily. - -"It's very queer. It's made me sleepy. Are you playing it again? For -heaven's sake, why?" - -"Well," you explain, "it always sounds better the second time." - -Listen to it again, with your hands clasped together. Lean over to her. -"It's a funny thing about that music. It gets me." Kiss her. - -"I know," she says. "If I listened to it very long I wouldn't be -responsible." - -"Responsible for what?" - -"Oh, just responsible." Kiss her again. She stands up. "Let's play -something loud and get waked up." - -"This ought to be loud. The Fire Song." - -"No," she decides, after a few bars, "it isn't loud enough. I can't wake -up. Play the Hymn to the Sun." - -"It scratches," you object. "Here's one something like it." - -Play the Song of India. She sighs and relaxes. - -"I love that," she says, dreamily. "What's that you're going to play?" - -Without answering her, put on L'Apres-Midi D'Un Faun. - - - - - 10. EVERYBODY DOES - - -_TYPE:_ - - Unscrupulous and determined, but subtle. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - One who is not sure of herself; who hides an inner shrinking by - a brave show of sophistication. In her heart is a horrible doubt - bred by the reticence of her elders. She is beginning to feel - that there are ancient, eternal fibs rife in the cosmos. She is - convinced that everyone is in a conspiracy to keep her in - ignorance. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Living room with sofa. - -_REMARKS:_ - - The young man in our illustration has compunctions about taking - advantage of sentiments so like his own, but sheer inertia - carries him along. So it will probably be in your case. - - - EVERYBODY DOES - -"I think you're perfectly TERRIBLE," says the girl, smiling as if she -doesn't expect to be believed. "Whoever told you all about everything? I -wouldn't want to live if I felt that way. Why, what would we be here -for?" - -"I don't see why we have to be here for anything, particularly," you -answer. "What are mosquitoes for?" - -She hesitates for only a second. - -"So we won't get too lazy. They probably wonder why we're here, slapping -them just when they want to eat." - -Look through the window to the lawn outside, covered with snow. - -"That's an unusual remark for a girl of your sort to make," you muse. -"Well, you probably talk that way because this is winter. Now, if I had -asked you in July, when there would be plenty of mosquitoes----" - -"What ARE you talking about?" she asks. "What do you mean, a girl of my -type?" - -Laugh and glance at her obliquely. She is very pretty, you think, with -that maddeningly serene face of hers. Just now, though she is -interested, her expression isn't really with you. You want to do -something about it. - -"I mean a girl of your type," repeat firmly. "A girl who believes -everything she's taught." - -She frowns a little. - -"Wouldn't it be silly to go to school for as long as I have if I didn't -use what they told me?" - -"That isn't what school is for," you answer hastily. Lord, what a -dumbbell! Why am I here, anyway? But she _is_ pretty. - -"You're pretty, anyway," you say aloud. - -"But that's awfully mean! Pretty anyway! What do you mean? Don't you -think a girl can be pretty and have brains too?" - -"Well--brains of a sort." Now what am I in for? "Sure I guess you have -brains. I bet you're practical in business things." - -"Heavens, no!" she protests. "I can't do a thing. But I was good at -school. I was terribly good in Latin." - -Turn a little on the sofa and smile at her, leaning back. "Ever have any -philosophy courses?" - -"Of course," she says promptly. "Three hours a week." - -"And Chapel every morning?" - -"Every morning." - -"What did you do in Philosophy? I know about the Chapel." - -"Oh, we studied what all those old birds thought about the world and the -mind and reality and those things. And at examinations they asked us to -summarize the different points of view." - -"And you had Chapel every day?" you persist. This is something. - -"I told you. It was compulsory." - -"They told you what to think, in Chapel?" - -"Oh, no!" she cries. "No. Sometimes the Doctor would talk about smoking -for girls, and sometimes about movies. And there is a beautiful sermon -that he always gives at Easter, about bread and hyacinths. That's about -Art, you know." - -Nod thoughtfully. "Yes. He likes Art, doesn't he?" - -"You're teasing me," she says, sadly. "Whenever I talk about religion -you get that way. I don't see why we're always fighting." - -"We're not always fighting, are we? All right, let's stop talking about -school. But I did want to ask you something. Why do you think it's so -shocking when I say that God isn't watching everything you do?" And you -think with some anger at yourself that here you are again. - -"I didn't think it was shocking," she says eagerly. "I'm never shocked. -I was just surprised when you told Lilian you didn't think He was -personal enough to have opinions on Prohibition." - -"What makes you think He is?" you ask. Put your arm around her -shoulders; she snuggles down comfortably. - -"Well," she begins reasonably, "how would we all be here? Don't you -think we must have come from--I mean, don't you see that we _must_ be -something like Him? Not so perfect or so big and powerful, but--why -everybody knows that!" - -"So that makes it all right," you tease her. "If everybody thinks so." - -"Well, I guess they've always thought so, for years. And it seems to -work. Here we are, aren't we? Don't you think we're improving? It must -be right." - -"How did we get started on all this, anyway?" You are bored. "It was -talking about Prohibition. It always happens." - -"Yes, that's how it happened. You fired up when Lilian said it was a -success. I'm glad Mother wasn't there to hear you. She's a little afraid -of you anyway." - -"Is she? Why? I'm safe enough. We just talk--and talk--and talk!" -Confound old women! - -"I know," she says happily. "I love to talk seriously. We used to have -lots of arguments in my room at school, after hours.... No, I think -you're right; I don't think Prohibition's a success at all. I think -anybody with sense would know it. Look at the way perfectly nice boys -get drunk at every party. I almost died the first time my escort did. -Dad said he'd shoot the young puppy. Mother says that _never_ used to -happen. I think Prohibition is terrible." - -"You are pretty," say irrelevantly, and kiss her. She returns the kiss -placidly. - -"You shouldn't," she says, lazily. - -"Why? Don't you like it?" - -"Of course not. What made you think I did?" - -"Well, most girls do. In fact, I might say that everybody does." - -"Not girls!" she protests, shocked. - -"For Pete's sake!" you cry, exasperated. "Who on earth told you that? -You don't really think so, do you?" - -"Why not? Don't you take a lot for granted?" - -"I never take anything for granted. Why do you wear blue? Because it's -becoming. Well, why do you want to look pretty? So that I'll kiss you. -Of course!" - -"Don't do that. I don't want you to." - -"If I thought you meant it I'd stop. Look here----" Oh Lord, can't I -quit it? "Listen. You're not consistent." - -"How?" - -"You say that whatever people do must be all right, don't you?" - -"If everybody does it and it works out." - -"Well, doesn't everybody do this?" - -"Oh, no!" - -"Don't be an idiot! How do you suppose you were born?" - -"But my parents were married." - -You tear your hair. How can one be reasonable with such stupidity? - -"That hasn't any physiological significance!" - -"I don't----" - -"You COULD have been born without their being married, couldn't you?" - -She considers, then smiles triumphantly. "Not with my parents!" - -"But what the hell did you and your friends talk about at school?" - -"Well, some of the girls might have been fast. They wouldn't say, of -course." - -"A lot more than you suspected were probably 'fast.'" - -She resents this. "I'm not so dumb as you think." - -You feel guilty, and at the same time stubborn. You know this feeling: -you have had it before and it always gets you into trouble. - -"All right. Suppose I talked a little about your friend Lilian? How long -have you known her?" - -"All my life. Why----" in quick alarm--"do you mean to say that you know -anything about Lilian that I don't?" - -"I don't want to talk about Lilian. But you're very trusting for your -age. Everyone lies to everybody; didn't you know that? Kiss me and -forget about it." - -"I can't. You have to tell me. Tell me!" - -For a moment you feel sorry. You shouldn't have done it; you know it. -Your arm tightens about her. You have to stop her somehow; she is going -to cry. - -"Please don't worry so. Everybody does. Please don't cry, baby. You are -a baby. It really doesn't matter, I tell you. Not if everybody does." - -"No!" - -"All right! I didn't mean it!" - -She wipes her eyes and sits up, looking at you curiously. - -"Really? Did you mean it? Everybody? Lilian? You?" - -"I don't want to talk." You feel miserable. You feel like worrying her -some more. Put your arms around her, give her a little shake. - -"Stop talking about it!" Kiss her hard; she kisses you with a new -quality in her response. There is something defiant in her kiss. - -Later, going home, you begin to feel badly again. - -"I wish I could control myself. I always get into trouble. That was -queer, though. Oh, well." - -Pause at the edge of the pavement, watching the sweep of the traffic, -"She _is_ pretty." - - - - - 11. THIS BUSINESS - - -_TYPE:_ - - Any working man who does not have to work too hard to keep his - mind on more important matters. An opportunist. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - A girl of corresponding economic position, preferably a - stranger. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Barber Chair with Accessories. - -_REMARKS:_ - - The directness of this method calls for a good deal of - self-confidence. Delicate or timid personalities should avoid - it. - - - THIS BUSINESS - -It is peaceful everywhere in town, but the barber shop is the most -peaceful place of all. Two of the boys are working; talking in low tones -to their customers; and the third is drowsing in the corner, behind the -two-foot square bootblacking establishment. He has long since read all -the ancient Libertys and Colliers and newspapers that are lying on the -chairs. The air is full of gentle boredom. - -Then through the door comes a stranger. She looks about the shop -hesitantly; the two men that are sprawled out having haircuts glance at -her apathetically through the mirror. Not you, however. You leap to -position behind your chair and wave your towel encouragingly, almost -lovingly. You feel actually affectionate; it has been a very dull -afternoon. She isn't bad either; clean and pink-looking. - -"Yes ma'am," you murmur, as you tuck the fragrant towel into the collar -of her dress. "Shingle?" - -"Not too short, please," she answers. "Just a trim." - -Set to work with a flourish. The barber on the end winks at you, but -pretend not to see it. All is quiet for a few minutes except for the -snipping of the scissors, and then the coon who belongs to the -bootblacking establishment shuffles through the door and puts a record -on the Victrola in the corner. - -Hum the tune and step lively as you reach for the clippers. Catch the -customer's eye in the mirror and smile. She responds slightly. - -"It may be old," say jovially, "but it's still good." - -"I always did like it," she admits. - -Bend over and snip critically at a tuft of hair just behind her ear. - -"What I say is," murmur confidingly, "I'd rather have a good old tune if -it's really good than a lot of new junk. It's funny about songs. I play -the clarinet myself. Sometimes you'll have a lot of swell ones and then -a year'll go by and you won't have anything worth playing." - -"Yes, that's true," says the lady. - -"Weren't you in here about a month back?" Pause with upraised scissors -to regard your work in the mirror. - -"No," she says, "I'm new in town. I was through here once when I was a -baby, that's all." - -"That's funny. I thought sure I cut your hair once before." - -"No, you couldn't have." - -"Who did cut it last time?" - -"I don't know. A fellow in Dodge City." - -"It looks like a Dodge City haircut. They must learn how to cut hair by -correspondence in that town." Chuckle at the joke. She is annoyed. - -"It looked all right to me," she says promptly. - -"Sure," answer her, "it looks all right. I'm not saying it didn't look -all right. It's when it gets long the unevenness shows up, but you don't -need to worry. It looks all right now." - -Work industriously for a minute, then step back again to survey the -effect. "Do you want it any shorter on the side there?" - -"Whatever you think looks best. I guess you know more about how it ought -to look." - -"Oh, I wouldn't say that," you protest. - -"Sure you do," she says. - -"You going to stay in town long?" Select a pair of clippers. - -"Yes, I'm here for good, I guess. I've got a job here." - -"That's swell," heartily. "We need new people here. Don't we, Jim?" - -The second barber jumps and looks up. "Eh?" he says. - -"I was just telling the little lady we need new people here." - -"Oh, uh, yes. Sure." - -"Yes," you resume, "it's a good town, but sometimes you get to wishing -there were more people. You know, young people." - -"Yes, I must say it doesn't look very lively to me," she says. "Of -course I'm used to Dodge City; that's pretty lively." - -"Well now, I don't know. You have to make your own excitement, of -course. But it ain't so bad. If you get in with the right kind, of -course. A place like this, it's pretty important what kind you get in -with." - -One by one, the other customers leave and their barbers drift outside to -loaf in the sun. Tiny grains of powder dance in the beams that slant to -the floor of the shop. - -"Do you mind the clippers?" - -"No, go ahead." - -Work a minute in silence. - -"Say," you begin, "would you mind my asking you a personal question?" - -"It depends on what it is." She lowers her eyes to her lap. - -"Are you married?" - -She smiles. "You've got a nerve. No, I ain't." - -"That's good." - -"Why? It's none of your business, is it?" - -"You don't act very friendly, do you?" - -"Well, I don't believe in acting as friendly as some people do." - -Laugh heartily and start to comb her hair tightly over her forehead. - -"You know, you got pretty hair," you say. She glances at it rather -complacently in the mirror, and tips her head. Resume impulsively, "You -know, this business is awfully hard on a man of my calibre." - -She is unsympathetic. "What do you want me to do about it?" - -"Nothing. I was just wondering if you were busy tonight." - -She giggles. "Who wants to know?" - -"Ah, cut that out!" you cry, flicking the big duster on her neck. "I -want to know. Who did you think?" - -"I don't know about tonight," she muses. - -"I've got a flivver. There ought to be a dance somewhere. I bet you're a -mighty good little dancer." - -"I'd like to," she admits, "but I don't think I'd better." - -"Why not?" - -"Well, I'm just starting out in this place. You know how it is." - -"What's the harm? A ride and a little drink won't hurt you. If you like -I'll ask a couple of friends. Listen...." - -One of the other barbers comes in again, and you stop abruptly. The -haircut is obviously finished. Untuck the towel with lingering fingers -and step to the door with her as she fumbles in her purse. - -"Fifty cents, ma'am," you say loudly, and add in a low voice, "Listen. -Eight o'clock, see? What address?" - -"Four eighty-three Garden. But I don't know...." - -"Oh, who'll ever know about it? Eight o'clock, O.K. Fifty cents, -seventy-five, one dollar. Thank you ma'am." - -"Say Jim, did you see that!" - - - - - 12. GAME LITTLE KID - - -_TYPE:_ - - The out-of-door man who smokes a pipe and can hit twice in the - same place when chopping wood. One who believes in Pure - Womanhood; who would die for his country and kill any man with - designs on his wife. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Rather young, wistful and easy to flatter. Does not know what - she believes, but reflects the philosophy of any companion. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Picnic Spot - 1 Fire - 1 Pipe - -_REMARKS:_ - - They make very attractive flannel shirts nowadays. - - - GAME LITTLE KID - -She watches you lazily while you souse the dishes in the lake and wipe -them clumsily. She feels rather guilty about it, but at the beginning of -the hike you have insisted on taking care of everything. It is your -party. And it is a nice party, too. The moon is there, and the air is -warm, and somewhere there is a flower that smells very sweet. She closes -her eyes and leans against the rock and feels happy. - -Knock the ashes out of your pipe and sit down by her, taking her hand in -yours. "Swell night," you say. - -"Oh, yes! I'm having a good time." - -"So am I. I've had a better time today than I can remember since I don't -know when." - -"Really?" she protests smiling. "How about that race at Mackinac?" - -"That was pretty good too. Only you weren't along. It could have been -perfect." - -She laughs easily. "I'd have been in the way. You've never tried telling -me anything else before. What's the matter with you tonight? Getting -soft?" - -"Not much use of that, is there?" You both chuckle. "You're too cagey. I -couldn't say anything nice to you even if I meant it. You'd bite my head -off." - -"Sure!" - -Push her in mock exasperation, then take her hand again. She is a little -uneasy about it, and leans over to tie her boot-lace more securely. - -"Well, it's all right with me," say suddenly. "You know, you're a pretty -game kid." - -"Oh, I don't know. I don't think so." - -"You sure are. Lots of people must have told you so before. I like you. -Do you know it?" - -"Glad you do," she says. "I like you." - -"There, that's just what I mean." Fill your pipe again. "Saying it out, -frankly, like that." - -"Why shouldn't I, if it's true?" - -"Well, I don't really know why you shouldn't. But most girls wouldn't. -You know how women are." - -"Sure," she says, largely. - -"Gee," you cry. "The way you say that! Funny kid." - -"Now, what sounded funny about that?" - -"Oh, I don't know. It sounded so boyish. You're just like a boy, now -that I think of it." Turn and smile at her. - -"Thanks! I always wanted to be a boy." - -"I'll bet you did. Gosh, though, I wouldn't if I were you." - -"Why not?" - -"Girls have a much better time. I wouldn't mind if someone had to buy my -tickets and take me out to dinner once in a while." - -She thinks about it for a minute, poking the fire with the toe of her -heavy boot. "I'm not sure," she says slowly. "We pay for it, in a way. -Suppose you had to see as much of some of the idiots that we do? You can -just ask anyone you want; we have to wait till we're asked." - -"Yes, that's so. Some of them are pretty bad, I guess." You laugh. -"Anyway, I always thought some of your friends were, but I never dared -to say so. What's the matter with 'em, exactly?" - -"They're so stupid!" she cries. "They think all a girl is good for is to -paw. They haven't any idea of real fun at all." - -"I know." Pat her arm comfortingly. "Just grab you as soon they look at -you, don't they? Most men are like that, I guess. I don't understand it -myself. I'm no saint, but I couldn't have anything to do with a girl -unless I liked her. Do you understand?" - -"Of course," she says, flushing a little in excitement. "I feel that way -exactly. I'm so glad you do too. I was beginning to think that men were -just different. Most of them----" - -"Sure. Honestly, do they bother you so much?" You frown. - -"Yes, even me. Can you imagine? Me!" - -"That just shows you. If you'll pardon my being frank...." - -"Of course." - -"I can't imagine anything like that, with you." - -"Certainly. I know. That's why we get along so well, isn't it?" - -"We are--friends, aren't we?" - -"Sure!" - -Squeeze her hand and puff at your pipe, thinking deeply. Then sigh, and -say, "Funny thing, sex." - -"Isn't it!" - -"You know, it's wonderful to be able to talk like this to a girl. I -couldn't if you were really a--a woman in my mind. But I don't feel that -way about you at all. You're my friend. You don't appeal to me that -way." - -She wonders vaguely if she likes that. But she answers quickly. "Thank -you. I know you mean it. You know, a friendship like that is valuable to -me, too. I need it. I used to think that no matter how much I tried, it -was just impossible to have a man for a real friend." - -"Really? Then we're square, because you mean a lot to me." - -Put your arm around her and look into the fire. - -"That's another thing," she says, thoughtfully. "That's another reason I -wish I could be a man. You have an awfully easy time with that sort of -thing, don't you?" - -"What? Gosh, no. I don't see how anybody could think so." - -"Really? I always thought you did. I don't know very much about it, -but----" - -"I'm glad you don't!" you growl with such fervor that she is surprised. - -"What's the matter? You shouldn't care anything about what I do--like -that. Not if we're friends the way you say." - -"Well, I'll tell you." Pull her closer to your shoulder. "I can't break -away from a funny idea I have about you. I want you to stay just as -straight as you are. It's a queer thing, sex. I don't want you spoiled. -That fine straightness of yours is so rare. I guess I'm selfish to want -anyone to live up to my ideals, but I do want you to keep it." Give her -a little hug. - -She answers gravely. "Yes, I know. I want to stay the way I am, too. I -don't know how I really feel about it, I guess, but I do--I mean, I like -myself now, do you see? It's awfully hard to express." - -"I know. Gee, you're a peach, kid. I do like you." - -"Thanks...." Kiss her softly on the cheek. "Look!" she cries, sitting up -a little straighter. "There's a shooting star." - -"It's awfully nice. Come back here. Afraid of me?" - -"Of course not!" But she sits up. - -"You don't trust me?" - -"Don't! Of course I do." - -"Then why act like that? You'll hurt my feelings." - -"Oh, I didn't mean to!" She settles back against your shoulder. Kiss her -on the mouth; she struggles away. - -"What's the matter, dear?" you murmur. "I thought you trusted me. What's -the matter?" - -"Why, I didn't mean--I do trust you. Only...." She stops and looks away -from you. - -"Then what is it? I don't understand. Do you mean you--you can't trust -yourself? I thought you were so sensible about these things." - -"Of course I can. I'm not a man!" - -"No, dear. But you're a woman, aren't you? Are you afraid, really?" - -"I'm not afraid. I just didn't want to." - -"Oh, I'm sorry...." - -"I didn't mean I didn't want to." - -"Just don't care?" - -"Not exactly that...." - -Laugh. "You're a darling. I'm going to kiss you again. That'll be all -right?" - -"Sure, I guess so." - -"You really liked it." - -"A little." - -"Don't keep moving away like that! I'll think you hate me. You just said -we were friends." - -"Yes, but...." - -"Comfortable?" - -"Yes, but...." - -"There now, I won't bother you any more if you'll only show that you -trust me. Darling!" - -The fire smolders, unnoticed. - - - - - 13. PROMISE ME YOU WON'T - - -_TYPE:_ - - Large, clumsy, good-hearted. A shrewd business man, whatever - that means. Usually married. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Intelligent, pretty little specimen of Independent Womanhood, - just beginning to question the desirability of a lifetime among - the file cases. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Small Apartment - 2 Chairs - 1 Batik Drapery - 2 Bed-Sofas - 1 Japanese Print - 1 Indifferently Good Caricature in Crayon. - -_REMARKS:_ - - Somehow the sight of a man being paternal arouses in woman a - protective instinct on her own part; an indulgent affection - compounded of amusement and gratitude. - - - PROMISE ME YOU WON'T - -You are uncomfortable. You are both sitting on one of the sofas, but -with a great difference of mien. She is curled up among the -cushions--she is a supple little thing, and seems to be comfortable, but -you are leaning forward with your hands clasped between your knees, -which are rather ludicrously raised from the floor because the couch -sags. Anyway, it is never becoming to you to argue; your face grows red -and you look more clumsy than ever. She is enjoying the new sensation of -seeing you ill at ease, and because of her. In the office it is so often -the other way around. - -"But I don't think it is good for you," you are saying. - -"I don't see why." - -"It isn't good for anyone to be too much alone." Speak doggedly in the -tone of one who has made the same remark at intervals all his life. - -"Oh no," she protests. "I think it depends a lot on the person. I think -everybody ought to have privacy. I don't see how the people here do -without it, I really don't. I have to keep my shades down all the time, -living in the basement like this. Even at that the girls are always -coming in--a couple of people have keys." - -"What?" you cry. She laughs. - -"Just the girls, silly." You are somewhat confused and she feels abashed -at having called you silly. It sounds too intimate, somehow. Move your -feet uneasily and knit your brows in an effort to say tactfully just -what you think. - -"I don't like it. You need your rest. It's all right for a while but -pretty soon it'll react on you. I don't understand you girls. You don't -use one of these studios for anything, you're at the office all day -anyway. You don't even save so much money." She laughs and then looks at -you inquisitively. - -"Really, you're taking it awfully hard. What's the matter? What's -worrying you?" - -"I don't know.... I just don't like it all." - -"I know," she says, teasingly. "You didn't like the dinner. I know you -didn't. Confess you didn't!" - -"I'm not worrying about the dinner," you say hastily. "I don't care much -about what I eat; it was only that the place didn't look clean. You -never eat their stew or anything like that, do you?" - -She answers sarcastically, "It's terribly nice of you to worry so much -about me...." and you flush. - -"Now, don't talk like that. Please don't." - -"No, honestly, I mean it. I wrote Mother that she certainly wouldn't -worry so much about me if she could hear how you're always lecturing me. -I'm so afraid you'll walk into the office some day when it's raining and -bellow, 'Miss Merrill, where are your rubbers?'" - -This is better. Relax and laugh loudly. "Better look out, or I will!" - -In the relaxed atmosphere of the joke you suddenly find enough courage -to lean over the necessary few inches and put a hand on her shoulder, -rubbing your cheek against hers for a second. - -She is discomposed, although it is not very surprising after all. - -"Here!" she protests, breathlessly. "Stop that! Why did you do that?" - -"Sorry. But I wanted to." - -"Well...." She is at a loss. She giggles and says, "And besides, you -need a shave." - -"Yeah. Sorry.... Another thing, I think probably you don't have very -good people hanging around here." - -"How can you tell? You haven't met anyone but Mary. You said she has -nice ankles." - -"Did I?" you ask, surprised. "Maybe I did. But I don't like women to cut -their hair so short. That's one of the things I like about you, by the -way. You may be in business and all that, but you haven't lost your -femininity." Close your hand over hers where it lies on the cushion. - -"That's not a compliment these days." - -Shake your head violently. "Don't kid yourself. We really like the same -type all the time, we men. You know, you worry me a lot in the office." - -"Really? How?" - -"Well, because----" Stop and knit your brows. You are trying very hard -to express yourself sincerely. "In the office you treat everybody so -darned nice.... I mean you're a great little mixer and it's fine for -business, but doesn't anyone ever misunderstand? You know what I mean, -don't you?" - -She looks at you with a startled expression which changes to a hurt one. -She falters. "You mean I don't act--do I act too fast? I'm awfully -sorry. I thought that----" - -Pat her hand furiously. "No, no! You act fine! I didn't mean to -criticize you at all, but you know how men are. Listen here." You raise -her chin and look at her eyes searchingly. "If anybody tries to put -anything over on you I want you to come and tell me about it. I want to -be a friend of yours." - -"Thank you," she says softly, "I consider you a friend now." - -"That's mighty nice of you. It makes me feel fine. You're such a decent -kid, and I don't think you know a thing about life." - -"Oh," she cries pettishly, "there you go again! I guess I can take care -of myself!" - -"Yes, but this is what worries me. I don't like the idea of these -long-haired kids filling your mind up with free love theories and all -that. You're an intelligent kid too, and youngsters like you are sort of -experimental." - -"But----" - -"Wait a minute. You don't know; you can't tell now how you might feel -one of these days. It's dangerous, this stuff. You may not know it, but -we're a pretty rotten lot. Most men are out for what they can get." - -"I think that's horrid; to be worrying like that all the time. I don't -want to have to be on my guard all the time." - -"Of course you don't. Of course you don't." - -"And as for my being silly, I think you ought to realize that I have a -little common sense. Or even if you don't think so, don't you think that -I have some ideals?" - -"That's the way I like to hear you talk. Maybe you think I'm being sort -of nosey, but I can't help worrying about you. You're awfully sweet." - -She has a fleeting moment of misgiving. This isn't the way a boss ought -to be talking. But you are very kind to be so worried.... "Yes," she -says, flippantly, "If I were Miss Moser you wouldn't take so much -trouble, I guess." - -"Well, nobody's likely to bother her, at her age. I do want to keep an -eye on you. You don't look so efficient as you are; a man's likely to -forget what a swell little secretary you are when he looks at you. Here, -isn't this more comfortable?" Put your arm under her head. The room is -very still and cozy. "Listen." - -"What?" she says, comfortably. - -"I want to ask you something." - -"What?" - -"I want to ask you to promise me something." - -"Well?" - -"Promise me that--that you won't let anyone...." Silence. "Hm-m-m?" - -"If you think that I need to promise----" - -Kiss her (to silence her). Then--"You know I don't mistrust you," you -say, gruffly, "but I get worried. Won't you promise?" - -"Sure," she answers. The silence of the room flows over you again, and -it too holds a promise. - - - - - 14. AH, WHAT IS LIFE? - - -_TYPE:_ - - Middle-aged, plump, precious. The kind of man who goes to teas - and avoids unpleasant situations, but does nothing else. Small - white hands and shiny lips. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Ardent adolescent, seventeen or so. Quick to find Beauty in a - poem or an automobile, an eclair or a man. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Long low living room - 4 Bookcases - 20 Ashtrays, all different - 1 Tea set - -_REMARKS:_ - - Before attempting this experiment, read Freud on the connection - between artistic appreciation and the reproductive instinct. - This is an indirect method and calls for careful handling. - - - AH, WHAT IS LIFE? - -"But don't you think," says Cynthia, "that as a rule we lose sight of -that quality? It's no use trying to _cultivate_ a soul." - -"No," you answer lazily, wisely, "I should be distinctly annoyed with -anyone who plucked my sleeve when I was busy, no matter how many -hyacinths he might wish to call to my attention. No, the true sense of -beauty thrives only where it is not watched. Unfortunately it becomes -self-conscious far too easily. And then, of course, one becomes -articulate ... after he has lost his reason for speech.... Ah," with a -wistful little smile, "I'm mawkish today. You mustn't start me off, my -dear. Look at the tender color on the sky and stop thinking. I'll read -to you. Something decadent. Here. - - White clouds are in the sky. - Blue shadows of the hills - Between us two must lie. - The road is rough and far. - Deep fords between us are. - I pray you not to die." - -She says nothing; she does not even sigh. She looks at you and waits. - -"Ah, youth, youth! The beautiful simplicity, the terrible complexity of -inexperience. Straight, clean.... I have lost the gift. I cannot read -that poetry. Give me the sophisticated; the keen irony of Eliot; the -ponderous exaltation of the negroes...." - -"Of course," she says, in a rather chastened tone. "But I still like -music in my poetry. Don't you still like the Hymn to Proserpine--or -don't you remember? 'From too much love of living----'" - -Take it up and finish it smoothly, with an indulgent smile but giving it -full value and a dying fall. - -"I'll wager," you say, smiling, "that you know every word of Rupert -Brooke." - -She blushes. "That isn't fair! You know all about me!" - -"It isn't hard," you say. "I was so much like you at your age, you see. -There, I'll stop teasing. Let's talk about something else. Look at my -greatest treasure, down there in the corner of the bookshelf. No, not -that. That's a Blake. It's a nice little thing, but you'll get yourself -dusty. There it is. First edition. Did you ever see one before?" - -She is not sure which of the two volumes you are speaking of; the -Beardsley Salome or the new Contes Drolatique. She is exquisitely -careful and reverent with both of them; opening one on her lap and -looking at it for a minute. She doesn't stay interested very long, -however. She wants to listen. - -"Just toys, of course," you say. "I'm ridiculously dependent on material -things like that. The more delicate the edifice the more firm the -foundation, I've decided. No----" as she starts to speak, with an ardent -gasp--"I know you don't agree with me. The tree of Job and a savorless -crust in the desert for you; with a voluptuous purple sunset in piquant -contrast...." - -"That's cruel of you!" she cries. - -"Yes, it is. You mustn't be so sensitive. I like to tease you; then I'm -always sorry. I don't know why I do it. Yes I do. It's really that I -envy--bitterly--your ideal asceticism. So you mustn't pay any attention -to me. I'm pink and old and plump and I don't know what I'm talking -about. Go on home and call up your--Boy Friend, isn't that what you call -him? Go on out and dance, little pagan. Dance and stop worrying. I'll -worry for you. I'll burn incense and think of you, and pray for myself." - -She ignores this nobly. "Incense? Where do you burn it? In front of that -gold thing there?" - -"Thing? My dear!" Speak gravely. "Tread softly: he hates you enough -already. He is old and you are young: he is only half divine, and -you...." - -"I do believe," she giggles, "that you're really afraid of him!" - -"Of course I am. But I shall overthrow him soon, out of my own strength. -I'm going to be a Papist." - -"Honestly?" - -"Yes, it has the true aestheticism of aristocracy." - -She sighs. "You say things so wonderfully. You're absolutely -continental." - -"Dear child! You shall have some tea for that. My very special flower -tea. Sit there so I can see you while I fix it. No, don't read that -book. It isn't for little girls." - -She promptly begins to read it. Bring out the table and connect the -little electric range for hot water. The long shadowy room grows darker -and outside the automobiles begin to turn on their lights. - -"There now," you say. "Take this, if you like the cup." - -"Oh, isn't it lovely! I think it's so nice that your cups are all -different. Mother simply insists on having everything in sets, even our -books." - -Groan in agony, and you smile at each other, feeling cozy and superior. -She eats one piece of cinnamon toast and glances wistfully at another, -but decides against it. - -"We'll leave the things for Maria in the morning," you explain. "Then -it's perfect. Now where is that poem you were going to show me?" - -"Oh, I can't," she cries. "It's dreadful!" - -"Don't be silly, please," you beg. - -"All right. I think you'd better read it yourself. Don't you hate to -have people read your things?" Miserably, she pretends to look at a book -while you read. - -"But this is lovely!" you cry. "Here, I'll read it aloud. - - At night I close my window - And through the glass I see - Dancing in the moonlight - A silver tree. - - I dream about it all night long, - But in the early dawn - With dream and sleep and part of youth - The tree is gone. - -Lovely! It has a freshness, a sincerity...." - -"Oh, honestly? You're just saying it!" - -You answer severely, "I'm not speaking now as a friend, my dear. I'm -speaking as a critic." - -"Then could you tell me how to improve it?" she begs. "It -needs--something." You both think deeply. - -"M-m-m," say in a judicial tone. "Let's see. One thing I'd do, -perhaps--but no. Perhaps I'd transpose the words in the penultimate line -and then it would read 'sleep and dream' instead of 'dream and sleep.' -Otherwise the thing is perfect." - -She nods vigorously. "Yes, you're very right. I see it now. Thank you so -much. It's wonderful of you to bother." - -"Bother? It's no bother. You don't realize--you can't realize what your -youth does for me. Almost, my dear, almost I forget my figure and my -horrible hair and--well, never mind. It doesn't matter. What does -anything matter in the clearness of your voice and the gladness of your -face?" - -She sits very still as you pass your hand gently over her hair. Her -shining eyes are fixed on something invisible that hovers in the room -just over your head. Mystery, or the answer to all mystery? A new -confidence, a new belief, are coming into her life. It is like being -kissed in a dream; wondering a little, but detached; peaceful in an even -exaltation. - - * * * * * - -The room grows darker and the swish of the motors make a faint pulsing -music from the boulevard. There comes an evening coolness. She is -thinking; her cheeks are flushed. The bright colors of the books on the -shelf are smothered in darkness, but you can see that her cheeks are -flushed. She has forgotten where she is, who she is, everything. Very -softly, taking elaborate care to avoid the tea-table, go over to the -door and lock it. - - - - - 15. A MAN MY AGE - - -_TYPE:_ - - Married, more than forty-five, discontented and not very - attractive at first glance. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Warm-hearted but somewhat slow and heavy in her - thought-processes. Has many women friends. Various men sometimes - wonder why they didn't marry her when it was possible. A good - sport, but very respectable. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Chesterfield divan, very comfortable but dusty - 1 Fireplace - 1 Stack of Wood - 1 Fire, roaring - -_REMARKS:_ - - The married man has an advantage. He has had training; he is - actually as one might say trained, or tamed. He is forbidden by - law and thus he acquires glamour and romance. - - - A MAN MY AGE - -"I love this," she says. - -"So do I," you answer. "I'm sorry the place is so messy. I didn't notice -until you walked in. That nigger never cleans up unless Emma keeps after -her. I don't know what'll happen now." - -"Well, when Emma gets back it'll be all right," she says. - -Glance at her in some surprise. "But I thought you knew about that," you -protest. "Emma isn't coming back, you know." - -"No? Oh...." She is fearfully embarrassed. She feels a little angry. "Of -course I didn't know. You didn't tell me. How should I know?" - -"But of course I thought---- Why do you suppose she didn't tell you? I -thought you were the first one she told. I'm so sorry. I'd better----" - -"You'd better tell me about it," says Barbara. "She didn't really have a -chance, the last time I saw her. My sister had lunch with us and went -down to the station too." - -"Sure, that explains it. Why, it was this way. We went up to the cottage -in June, and she went to Bedford after that. We came to an agreement -after we left the city; I don't know just when. It took a long time. We -changed our minds a lot." - -"I should think so," she murmurs. - -"Well," you go on, "it's been three months anyway, off and on. I guess -we've just been really separated for a couple of weeks. It seems longer -because of that adjustment period. She can do what she likes about the -divorce; I've left it up to her. I told her to do what she thought best. -Emma knows how to go about business and all that. Of course I'll agree -to anything." - -"You mean you've definitely decided----" Her voice is incredulous. - -"Nothing's definite. But if you mean is it all over, yes. We agree on -that, absolutely. Are you really so surprised?" - -She thinks about it for a minute. "No," she decides, "not really. I -noticed something. That night you had the party before we all went to -the beach, I knew there was something wrong. But I had no idea.... Do -you mind talking about it? Some people might." - -Shake your head and laugh. "Certainly not. It hasn't been particularly -painful, you see. You're one of the family anyway. Why should I mind?" - -"I'm glad you feel that way about it," she says. "Of course I'm -frightfully interested." - -"Then it wouldn't bore you?" - -"No," she says. She maintains a reserved attitude; politely interested. -Sit back against the cushions and draw a deep breath. - -"I want to be fair to Emma. I guess the fault was on both sides. I can't -help remembering that after all, it was my idea that we get married. I -remember it perfectly well: I had to argue with her. You mustn't think -that I'm trying to whine about it." Smile at her rather sadly and -whimsically. - -"Ben, you know I don't," she cries. - -"I don't know. Naturally I feel a little defensive. After all, I suppose -you're on her side. I met you through her." - -"Don't be silly. I just want to hear the truth. You're both my friends." - -"That's what I wanted you to say, Barbara." The fire crackles -comfortably. "Well, anyway, there it is. I don't know just how it -happened. My fault, I suppose, but I refuse to feel guilty. I'm awful. I -keep wondering why in hell I wanted to get married. I remember in a very -vague and impersonal sort of way that she was pretty." - -"Oh yes," she says eagerly. "_Wasn't_ she pretty?" - -"I don't know when all the trouble did start. I can't even figure it -out. I don't know that I want to." Kick the flaming log. - -"I think I can understand," she says slowly. "Of course I'm trying to be -impartial, and Emma's one of my best friends, but I think that I do -understand." - -"Yes, you would understand," you answer. "There's one thing, though, -that I'd like to tell you. I mean this: I do feel badly about it. I may -not act that way, but I do. It's been awfully hard on her. Don't think I -haven't worried." - -"You know, Ben, there's something I want to say." She sits up and folds -her hands. - -"Go ahead." - -"Well, I haven't any right to say it, but I'm going to. I think that -your trouble is, you worry too much." - -"Me? Worry? Barbara, you're a nut!" - -"I mean it. You think too much for her and everybody else. You pretend -to be absolutely careless about everyone else, but you aren't. You can't -get along like that; it isn't nature. It doesn't work out." - -"Maybe." Frown at the fire. "Maybe. But what about her? She can't face -things alone, you know. I'm sorry if I'm talking too much, but this is -serious. Now we're started on a long subject. She simply can't do it. -She isn't fitted for it. You must know that. You're an old friend of -hers." - -"Ben, how long have you been worrying like this about other people?" - -"You're asking me how old I am!" you cry in dismay. "It isn't polite of -you. I'm much too old for you to be wasting your time on my domestic -troubles. You'll have to be satisfied with that. I won't tell you." - -"I know how old you are. Emma told me when you were married. What's the -matter with you? You're not old." - -Get up and fix the fire to hide your pleasure. - -"You're a sweet girl, Barbara. You've always been the only one of Emma's -friends I had any use for. You're the only mutual friend we've ever had, -I may say." - -"Thanks, Ben. Anyway I'm flattered that you've told me so much." - -"I wonder why I did. There's something about you that makes people talk. -What is it?" - -"Is there?" - -"I think it must be that you're so honest, yourself. How do you happen -to be so honest?" - -"Why not? Most people are." - -"No they aren't. Most women aren't. Emma wasn't. You knew that, didn't -you?" - -She considers it. "Oh, Emma didn't lie." - -"Not directly. But Emma was essentially feminine; essentially evasive. -You aren't." - -"No," she admits, serenely. - -The silence is becoming dangerous. - -"Heavens!" she cries, suddenly. "I had no idea it was so late. I'll have -to go." - -"Wait until this log burns down," you suggest. "You surely aren't in -such a hurry as all that. I'm afraid to be left alone. You've no idea -how lonely an old man can get in a few minutes." - -She laughs. "Well, I'll wait for a little. I hate to leave the fire. I'm -getting old, too." - -"Besides, you're a very busy person and I haven't really seen you all -year. I think I've just realized how nice an evening like this could be. -I think I've been waiting for this for days, without knowing it. I feel -much better, really." - -"I'm so glad," she says, seriously. "I've been a little bit blue, -myself." - -"You?" Incredulous. "I didn't know that you ever felt blue. What on -earth were you blue about?" - -"Oh, I'm such a useless person. I don't really do a damned thing. I've -been thinking all day about things. And then when I see people like you -and Emma having your troubles too--you were two people that I always -thought of as being fulfilled, sort of. Now it seems to take away my -last hope. Emma's my best friend, in a way, and now I find that you've -both been very unhappy. It just fits in with everything else." - -"You make me feel very guilty. I didn't want to depress you. I've been -selfish." - -"Oh, I was depressed already! No, you made me feel a little better, -somehow." - -"My dear," you say softly, "I do think you're taking it harder than I -did. You've been telling me that I am too sympathetic, too." - -"Well, it isn't just sympathy, perhaps," she says. "I was applying -everything to myself." - -"You think too much," you advise. "Stop thinking too hard about life. It -never does any good. I know. I've done it too." - -She is silent, and you begin again. "Barbara," taking her hand, "I want -to give you some advice. I'm a lot older than you are and I think we're -something alike. Don't you?" - -"Well, yes," she says. "I have thought so." - -"There are things a lot more important than little married relationships -such as Emma's and mine. It's those things that really fill our lives, -Barbara. For instance this talk I've had with you tonight means much -more to me than any little love-affair. Don't you see what I mean?", - -"Yes, I think so. We are friends, aren't we? Real friends." - -"That's it. Here we are talking about this and that, and it's the most -pleasant thing I've ever done. It's been a quiet civilized sort of time. -Not everyone is capable of such a relationship. Don't you think we're a -little ahead of the rest of them?" - -She watches you and nods. "Yes, you're right." - -Pat her hand. "You're an adorable child. The fire needs fixing. Just a -minute." - -"Oh, Ben!" she cries. "I have to go. Really. Don't fix it for me." - -"Too late," sitting down again. "It's caught already. You'll have to -wait a while longer." - -She hesitates, looking at her wrist watch. "I oughtn't." - -"Just a minute, dearest." - -"Well, all right." She smiles at you. Catch your breath and then seize -her in your arms. - -"Oh Barbara! I do love you so, much!" - - - - - 16. GONNA BE NICE? - - -_TYPE:_ - - City product, bad complexion but quick brain. Too impetuous for - steady success. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Very young, very canny. Always hunts in pairs with others of her - kind. Fond of chewing-gum and marcel waves. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 automobile, touring type - 1 companion - -_REMARKS:_ - - A very limited method. There are many girls who would refuse to - be subjects on such short notice under any circumstances - whatever. But for those who are at all willing to aid in the - experiment, this lesson should do as well as any. - - - GONNA BE NICE? - -The crowds walk much more slowly on the streets in the evening. They -aren't going anywhere; they haven't anything to do. For the same reason, -perhaps, the autos seem to loiter as they pass the people on the -pavements. They aren't going anywhere much. They're open to suggestion. -Two by two the people walk; sometimes there are more; hardly ever are -there less. - -Large groups of young boys all too young to smoke; all smoking. Little -groups of girls looking in the shop windows. Two girls especially, -looking in the windows for lack of something better to do. Not exactly -discontented, not consciously bored. Just looking. Just walking. - -Among the cars is one that goes a little more slowly even than the rest. -It is a middle-aged Dodge touring car with two boys in the front seat, -very much on the lookout. They pass the two little girls and call out -experimentally cheerful and more or less expectant of rebuff. One of the -girls looks oblivious and yet slightly more scornful, but the other -smiles a little. On the chance of success, the driver of the car goes -around the block and passes them again. As he disappears around the -corner for the second time, the scornful girl suddenly relaxes. - -"If they come back again, let's," she says. - -"Sure," says the other, indulgently. "They look all right." - -A third time you call to them, and this time the girls stop walking and -stand waiting as the car comes to a halt. The boy who is not driving -jumps out and opens the back door. Ruthie, the scornful girl, steps in -while Rosie gets into the front seat, and the car speeds away. It has -not taken a moment. - -"Well, where to?" you call from the back seat. - -"I don't care," answers Bill. "What do you say?" he adds, turning to -Rosie. "Got any favorite drives?" - -"No," says Rosie, "I don't know much about the roads. What do you say, -Ruthie?" - -"Ruthie. It's a nice name," you say, and put your arm around the owner -of it. She does not cuddle down, but sits up more swiftly than before. - -"Why," she says, with a surprising decision, "the Jamestown road is -pretty good as far as the fence with the vine on it. When you get that -far you better turn back." - -Bill turns the car toward the Jamestown road and settles down to -driving, while Rosie curls up in the other corner of the seat and -watches him. They both wait for the other one to start talking. At -last---- - -"Gee," she says admiringly, "you sure go fast. You ought to be careful -in the city. I got a cousin who was pinched yesterday." - -"Yeah? Never mind; I know the cop on this road. It ain't so much the -speed, it's what they call reckless driving they pinch you for. If a -fellow knows his business you can be pretty sure they leave him alone. -They don't care for no speed limits." - -"I guess you're right," says Rosie. - - * * * * * - -"Why not?" you ask. "You don't have to hit me in the Adam's apple, -neither." Ruthie does not answer, but looks out of the car with -unmitigated scorn. Pull your arm away from her shoulder and sulk. The -car bowls merrily over the rough road until it reaches the fence with -the vines, and it shows no signs of slowing up. Rosie does not seem to -notice, but Ruthie calls promptly from the back seat: - -"It's time to turn back." - -"Oh, yeah," says Bill over his shoulder. He stops the car, pulls on the -brake, and in a very business-like manner he puts his arm around Rosie -and slumps down in the seat to a position where he can watch the sky -without craning his neck. Ruthie waits a minute uncertainly, then turns -away from you and stares with dignity at the fence and the field beyond -it. - -In the front seat the couple manage to find a comfortable position as -close together as possible. You glance at them, then back at your own -girl. - -"What you so crabby about?" you ask, aggrieved. "I ain't pulled any -rough stuff. What do you think I am? You don't have to be afraid." - -"Well, what do you think I am?" she demands. "You guys think that just -because a girl comes for a ride...." - -"Oh, can it," wearily. "Of course I don't." - -"Well...." she says, as you pull her over to him, "It really is getting -sort of late." - -"It's early," you say. She shakes her head, looking very uncomfortable -hunched up against your shoulder. She suffers it for a while, but her -mind is elsewhere. - -"We have to go back," she suddenly announces. "Right away. Rosie, we -have to go back." - -"Yeah, that's right," Rosie assents, cheerfully. It all seems to be the -same to Rosie. "We gotta go, Bill." - -"Oh, wait a minute, can't you?" you say, exasperated. "It isn't late at -all." - -Adamant, your girl shakes her head and looks expectantly at the driver. -You and Bill glance at each other and raise your eyebrows. - -"You wait a minute," you say, meaningly, and Bill obligingly turns back -and looks at the scenery in front of the car. - -"Now listen," you say. "You're a long ways from home." - -"Yeah?" says Ruth, calmly. - -"Yep. See? Well, are you gonna be nice?" - -She compresses her lips. "You bet I'm gonna be nice, big boy. Come on, -Rosie," and she opens the door of the car and steps out to the road. -Rose hesitates, looking inquiringly at Bill. She reaches tentatively for -the door-catch. - -Ruthie stamps her foot. "Come ON, Rosie. You ain't got any sense at -all." - -Rose hesitates no longer, but steps hastily out of her seat. - -"Wait a minute," you call together, as your respective maidens start -down the road toward town. - -"We were only kidding," says Bill. "Come on back." - -"All right," assents Rosie, joyfully and with obvious relief, and she -climbs back to her place. Ruth follows more slowly. Nor does she deign -to look at you until you are back in the city street where you met. - -"Now where?" calls Bill. "Want some chop suey?" - -"We want to get out just where we got in," she answers with chilly -sweetness. As the car stops--"Come on, Rosie," she says. And as Rose -trots faithfully after her, with only one wistful backward glance---- - -"Nice ride," she adds, over her shoulder. - -You and Bill look at each other. - -"You weren't so smart," says Bill. - - - - - 17. LIFE IS SHORT - - -_TYPE:_ - - Philosophical and attractive. Really sincere in his ideas; - somewhat the missionary type but better looking. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Almost any girl without too much mentality. Pretty and rather - spoiled because of it. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Canoe - -_REMARKS:_ - - This lesson was an old one when Herrick counseled his young - friends to gather rosebuds while it was still possible. - - - LIFE IS SHORT - -(They are in a canoe, and the sun has just set, leaving behind it -streaks of fading pink in the sky and on the water. It is spring, and -the woods in the distance are losing their starkness. There is no -breeze; the air is full of a premature languor that is not quite warmth. -She lies half-prone, with her hand trailing in the lake; and he paddles -slowly, watching her most of the time.) - -_She:_ Ooh, the water's terribly cold. Have you gone swimming this -spring? - -_You:_ Went in last week. But I was sorry. It's colder than it looks -from the diving-board. I was awfully surprised--it's such a shock. - -_She:_ I wanted to try it today, it looked so warm. But I guess I'll -wait a while. Last year, all summer, we just lived in our suits. My suit -was never dry. Don't you love to swim? It's my favorite exercise. - -_You:_ I think I like sailing better. It's so fast. - -_She:_ Then you ought to like ice-boating. It's much faster. - -_You:_ No. It's too noisy. Fast things ought to be quiet. That's the -trouble with flying in a machine. It isn't really flying unless you have -wings. That must be the best feeling in the world. Flying in a storm.... - -_She:_ I wouldn't want the storm. I haven't that much pep. Swimming's -nice because you can lie around so much. - -_You:_ You're a lazy little thing, aren't you? - -_She:_ That's what they say at home. - -_You:_ I like it. I hate these girls who are always trying to be better -than you are in everything. They're usually funny-looking, too. If they -were pretty they wouldn't worry so much about beating people. - -_She:_ You have such old-fashioned ideas. Well, I guess you're right. I -like to be waited on. People do things for me. I like it.... Oh, look at -that cloud. It's getting rougher than it was--We must be drifting out. - -_You:_ Yes, it goes faster than you'd think. There's a little wind -blowing up. (Starts paddling fast.) - -_She:_ Going anywhere? - -_You:_ Well, I know a place that is pretty sheltered. Say, I'm getting -cold up here. Do you mind if I get down there with you? - -_She:_ No, that's all right. - -(You start to step over the intervening bar, and the canoe sways -dangerously. She screams loudly.) - -_She:_ Look OUT! You're tipping us! - -_You:_ (Laughing and settling down next to her) Gosh, what a funny -squeal! I never tip canoes: don't you know that? Have a cigarette. - -_She:_ Thanks. The lake looks pretty, doesn't it? Just in this light. - -_You:_ Did you ever notice, it's never the same. Look at that boat way -over there. - -_She:_ It looks so little. - -_You:_ It's funny. This is a little lake, but that boat looks tiny on it -just the same. - -_She:_ (Uncomprehending) Yes. - -_You:_ I mean we're really awfully small when you think about things. -Stars and things. Look at that star there---- - -_She:_ First one! I'll wish on it. (She closes her eyes.) - -_You:_ It's a little bit of a star, but I wonder what it thinks about -us. Probably it doesn't even know you're wishing on it. Just think, it -can't even see us. Just a little spot of light. - -_She:_ I don't like to feel that way. I want to be seen. - -_You:_ I think it's a good feeling to know that I don't matter so much. -I always remember it when I'm worried about an exam. It's a bad habit, -though, because if you start remembering it too soon you don't even -bother to study. - -_She:_ I shouldn't think anybody would. I never feel that way unless I -need sleep. I hate it; feeling that way. - -_You:_ You're too practical. I think I have more fun my way. (Smile at -her and flick your cigarette into the water.) - -_She:_ I don't see that. I don't worry, anyway. - -_You:_ No, but look. You take exams seriously and spend all your time -studying or fixing clothes or something. Something really important. -Don't you? - -_She:_ Yes. Only the thing I worry about most is dancing. That's -important too. - -_You:_ Well, look at it my way. Look how long the world has been going -on without me and my exams. Look how long it will go on, probably, after -I'm dead. Look how short life is anyway. - -_She:_ Yes.... - -_You:_ Well, I just do what I like. Studying isn't one of those things, -see? Nobody really likes to study. - -_She:_ I do. - -_You:_ No you don't. You don't really like to keep your stockings -mended, or your hair curled. You just like the feeling afterwards that -you did what you should have done. Isn't it true? Well, then, if someone -hadn't taught you to like that feeling you wouldn't be doing those -things. Now, the things I like, I wasn't taught. I like to eat. Nobody -ever had to tell me to do that. I like to sleep, and swim, and sail, and -kiss girls, just because it's fun. Itself. No reason for it, except that -if I keep on this way I can go on doing these things and having fun -until I die. I won't want to die, then. - -_She:_ Well, I think you're the lazy one. Where would we all be?... - -_You:_ I don't know, but wherever it was we'd probably like it just as -well. - -(Lean over suddenly and kiss her.) - -_She:_ Don't do that! - -_You:_ Why not? (Kiss her again.) - -_She:_ Stop. Why should I? - -_You:_ There you go again, asking questions. Why? Because it's fun. - -_She:_ I don't think it's so much fun. - -_You:_ You haven't really tried. Give me a chance. (Kiss her again.) Now -what do you think of it? - -_She:_ Not very much. Let's go on talking instead. - -_You:_ That's queer. You always tell me I talk too much. I think you -don't mind this so much as you say. - -_She:_ You want to think so. I just don't see why it's so wonderful. I -couldn't possibly rave the way you do, that's all. - -_You:_ I don't rave. It's because I know what I'm talking about and you -don't. - -_She:_ You have a lot of nerve. - -_You:_ Well, you can see for yourself that you're no judge. You don't -know anything about it. You said so yourself. And besides, if you're -going to do so much talking about it you're wasting time until you know -something. - -_She:_ It's no use trying to argue with you, is it? I'm going home. - -_You:_ Now you're just running away because you lost the argument. It -isn't my fault. You said you wanted me to talk. All right; I'll stop -talking. - -(Kiss her.) - -_She:_ No, I didn't mean that. Stop. Please stop. - -_You:_ No, I won't. You need convincing. - -_She:_ But.... - -_You:_ You mustn't talk for five minutes. That's reasonable, isn't it? -Five minutes! - -_She:_ All right. (Seven minutes elapse.) The five minutes must be up. - -_You:_ What did you say? - -_She:_ The five minutes are over. - -_You:_ What of it? What's five minutes when the whole evening will be -over in a short time? All of the evenings will be over some day. And -you're quarreling about five minutes. Oh, stop talking! - -_She:_ But.... Oh, all right. - - - - - 18. I'D HAVE SAID YOU WERE FROM NEW YORK - - -_TYPE:_ - - Traveling salesman, always just a little lonely and overjoyed at - a chance to talk or make any human contact whatever. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Inexperienced traveller in a state of high excitement and - anticipation. At a rare stage of impressionability. - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Pullman car - -_REMARKS:_ - - This method is extremely specialized, suited only to travelers. - On terra firma both protagonists are different people entirely, - who would be scandalized at actions which seem perfectly - plausible on the train. - - - I'D HAVE SAID YOU WERE FROM NEW YORK - -There's really nothing else to do on train journeys. Reading on the -train gives you a headache; after three hours scenery should never have -been invented. And as for that green plush.... If you have an -acquaintance on the train and talk yourself out with him you will never -want to see him again.... Bridge? But that is our story. - -Sometimes on trains or boats there are signs like this: "Beware the -Professional Gambler; He is Smarter Than You." This is romantic. But it -is not the type of romance which appeals to most young women, and as a -rule they ignore the signs and play bridge. On the chance that you do -not know your Dreiser, I shall attempt to describe the requisite -technique. - -Carrie is sitting forlornly in her chair in the Pullman, with a closed -Red Book in her lap. Sunk in the crack of the chair is a discarded -College Comics. She doesn't want to buy another magazine; she wishes the -man with the cap would stop bothering her with Eskimo Pies and perfume, -and bananas and paper-backed novels. The train smells sooty. Large hard -balls of soot keep falling into her lap. Outside the window is the same -yellowed field that she has been watching all day. It twists and -presents various corners to the passing train, but it's the same field -just the same, with the same wheat lining up into orderly ranks that -fall apart into chaos as the train passes on. Twenty more hours and -nothing left to think about.... - -You walk down the aisle, staggering as the train sways. She looks at you -idly. You are tall and skinny, and when she sees that you are beginning -to get bald, she loses interest. At the same time you see her. You have -been looking for her ever since she passed through the club car on her -way from lunch: you like them small and blonde and young when there are -no tall and blonde and snappy ones. Stop by her chair and smile at her. - -"Would you like to join a party at bridge, if I can start a game?" you -ask. Her first impulse is to refuse; not from caution, but from inertia. -It's the same feeling that made her turn down the man with the cap on -his last journey when she really wanted a bar of Hershey's. But as she -shakes her head she changes her mind. Bridge! Something to do! - -"Why--yes, I guess so." And she giggles a little, from shyness. - -"Good! I'll get someone else and be back in a minute." But you return -with bad tidings. Everyone else is already playing. - -"I guess we got the idea too late," you announce, sitting down in the -next seat. "I wish I'd thought of it before. There was an old fellow in -the back that asked me this morning, but he was getting off at Chicago. -Isn't that where you got on? How far are you going?" - -"Colorado. I'm going to get off this train at La Junta." Whistle. - -"You have pretty near as long a ride as I have. I go clear across. -Tiresome, isn't it? I ought to be used to it, but I never am, somehow." - -"What do you do?" - -"Furniture. Wholesale furniture. I'm traveling for a firm in Tucson; -Robinson and Company. Have you ever been there?" - -"Oh, no; this is my first trip West." - -"It's a nice town, but hot right now. I'm lucky to be away. Just had a -letter from my--my sister and she says the heat is unbearable. -Unbearable." - -She murmurs sympathetically and looks back at the wheat, while you -remember that at times you talk too much about yourself. Ah, well -then.... - -"If it isn't too personal--what part of the country do you hail from?" - -"Illinois. Darien. It's just a little town. I'm going out to Colorado to -visit and maybe I'm going to stay. If I can get a job teaching and if I -like the country, I mean." - -"Really? Now, I'd have said you were from New York." - -There is a pleased little silence. - -"Why, what a funny idea. Why should you think I'm from New York?" - -"Oh, I don't know. A man in my business gets so he can spot people -pretty quickly, and he can't exactly tell how, nine times out of ten." - -"Kind of second nature?" - -"Yes, second nature. I don't know just why I did think you were from New -York. Your clothes, or perhaps the way you talk. Or the way you know how -to take care of yourself." - -"How can you tell anything about that?" - -"Oh, that's easy. A man can always tell. You can take care of yourself." - -She blushes and remembers that she is all alone on this train. - -"Well," slightly raising your voice, "I do like New York. It looks -pretty good when you've been out in the sticks for a couple of months." - -"I'll bet it does." - -"Yes, there's no place like New York for shows. I wouldn't like to live -there, but it's a good place to visit. My--my mother used to live there, -and I never could see how she stood it as long as she did." - -She answers with animation. "Oh, but the little towns get so dull! There -just isn't anything to do out in the country." - -"Nothing to do? Why, gee, what's the matter with fishing? Two weeks a -year isn't enough fishing for me!" - -"But of course you're a man." - -"Sure, that's right. A man feels different. I admit I don't understand -women, and I bet I'm as bright as the next one. There's not a man alive -can understand a woman." - -"Well, maybe you're right." - -"Isn't it time to eat? Let's go on in and see. Will you have dinner with -me?" - -"Why--I don't know----" - -"What's the harm?" - -No nice girl will admit the possibility of harm. She ignores your -remark, therefore, by rising and starting for the dining car. It is -seven cars away, and some of the long passages are difficult to manage -without staggering from side to side. Hold her elbow in a firm grasp, -squeezing it as she stumbles against you, and laugh a good deal. You are -much better friends when you reach the diner. - -She looks out of the window at the sweeping darkness and you watch her -and she knows it. The speed of the train and the feeling of not -belonging anywhere are very exciting. What will Colorado be like? What -is it all about anyway? No one in the train is a real person; they are -all simply part of an adventure, like the armies and mobs in the -background of a moving picture. Even the man across the table--isn't he -simply part of it too? The most exciting part? A personification of the -whole thing, the whole waiting world.... I'd have said you were from New -York.... You can take care of yourself.... I certainly can.... She -smiles at you suddenly, defiantly, gayly. "What were you thinking -about?" - -"Oh, I don't know. The future, I guess." - -"I thought so. Let's drink to it." Hold up your water glass. "To your -future, and may it include me." - -She laughs again, recklessly. Lean over the table. - -"Will it, kid? Will it?" - -"Oh----how do I know? I'm no fortune teller." Again she turns to the -window. There are no fields to be seen now, but the stars look very -large. Stars and darkness and the train going -somewhere--somewhere--somewhere. And that man looking at her and -appreciating all her expressions and knowing that he doesn't understand -her; wondering about her.... - -"Now what are you thinking about?" - -But she'll never tell you. You'll always wonder about the girl you met -on the train for a few minutes. Ships that pass in the night. It's -exciting to be going somewhere. - -She doesn't want any more ice cream. Go back to her chair and when -someone asks you to play bridge refuse without even consulting her. No -matter. Stare out of the window. - -"You know, it's a funny thing. This has been a much better day than I -expected." - -"How do you mean?" - -"Oh, you know. I thought it would be just the same. You can imagine, -riding on trains day in, day out." - -"Yes, I can imagine." - -"I'm glad you got on at Chicago, that's all. You won't be sore at me for -saying so? I've got to say what I think, to you." - -She can feel just how it must be. Your profile looks so tired. - -Turn to her suddenly. "I'm talking like a crazy person. Do you think I'm -crazy?" - -"Of course I don't." - -Settle back again. "Good. I'm not really, but I guess most people would -think so." - -"Why should they?" - -"Talking like this to a girl I just met on the train." - -"Talking like what? You haven't said anything." She is really -bewildered. - -"Haven't I?" Look at her again, quickly. "You know, that's a queer -thing. I thought I had. I thought I'd said lots of things. Do you ever -have that feeling?" - -"Oh--that. Yes." - -"Well, I know what I'm going to say, right now. You'll probably be mad -at me." - -"What is it?" - -"I think you're a darned good sport." - -"Why? You don't know. You don't know anything about me at all." - -"Sure I do. I'm not dumb. I've been watching you all day and I guess I -can tell as well as the next one. Do you know what I think about you?" - -"How should I?" - -"I think probably you're awfully nice." Put your hand over hers. "I know -you are. You're all excited, aren't you?" - -"What makes you say that?" - -"You're shaking. What's the matter? Scared of me?" Your hand tightens. - -"Oh, no." She is annoyed with herself. It's hard on the nerves, sitting -in a train all day. Almost time to go to bed, she thinks--the porter has -started at the other end of the car; his head is immersed in the upper -berth in the corner. - -"It's getting late," you say, understanding her. She nods and thinks -with a new terror of arriving in a strange town. Nervous. - -"I'm sorry," you add. There is another silence. Some perverse shyness -keeps her from saying anything. It is almost as if, against her own -will, she waits for something fateful. But say no more. Pat her hand and -settle back, looking up at the top of the car. - -Slowly, followed by a mysterious growth of little green cabins, the -porter approaches you, slamming down chair-covers, manipulating linen. - -Sit up with a new briskness. - -"I'm going to the smoker," you announce. "But listen, I'm not going to -say good-bye." She looks at you and waits. Her tongue won't move; is it -curiosity? Nervous.... - -"I'm coming in to say good-night," say, your eyes fixed on hers. "I have -a book to lend you. So long." Rise, and then put your hand over hers -again. She simply stares at you. - -"You're a nice kid," you observe, and walk away. - -Slowly she stands and picks up her suitcase as the porter reaches her -chair in his constructive progress. Slowly she walks down the aisle to -the Ladies' Room. A sudden flush of thought as she gets there--she drops -the bag and looks into the mirror, horror-stricken. Why didn't she say -something? What should she do now? Then as she thinks, she feels better. -He's simply coming to say good-night. Sure, he'll probably try to kiss -her, but--oh, well, stop thinking. Just the same she'll wear her -dressing gown to bed; no use giving him ideas. Everything seems so -different on a train; if it would stop making a noise and let you think -straight.... Ships that pass in the night. What's the difference? - - - - - 19. SHE LOVED ME FOR THE DANGERS - - -_TYPE:_ - - Restless wanderer, appearing at intervals of four or six years - to sit on the hearthstones of his old college friends and look - wistful. At the slightest chance of attaining a hearthstone of - his own he dives back into the wilderness. - -_SUBJECT:_ - - Any co-ed - -_APPARATUS:_ - - 1 Automobile - 1 Head of gray hair, above one of these - never fading bronzed faces. - 1 Precise accent. - -_REMARKS:_ - - The advanced student will favor this method, since it transcends - the makeshifts and awkwardness of all other human experiments - and utilizes a policy which has heretofore been monopolized by - divinity (see Introduction). Here the student seduces by means - of imagination. It is the culmination of our efforts; the - ultimate degree of subtlety. - - - SHE LOVED ME FOR THE DANGERS - -It is a dull afternoon in the sorority house and Dorothy is trying to -make up her mind to study; but she isn't having much success. In fact, -the idea is so unattractive that she doesn't waste more than half a -minute trying. Everybody has gone to the last game of the season across -the river, and Dot didn't go because she has used up all her week-ends. -Oh, well ... Sunday afternoon and five hours before her date. Nothing -left to read. Washed her hair yesterday--you mustn't do that more than -once a week. Manicured her nails before lunch. Plucked her eyebrows, -darned her stockings--oh, bother Sunday afternoon. And there is a theme -due on Tuesday, but that's a long time and anyway you write better -themes at the last minute. Oh, glory, there's the phone. What if just -once it could be someone unexpected? - -"Miss Dormer? This is Donald Banks, from Los Angeles. I have a letter -for you from Genevieve Reed. When I left I mentioned that I might be -coming through here and she thought----" - -"Why, any friend of Jen's--why, of course. Can't you come over?" - -"I'd very much like to. When would it be convenient?" - -"Any time this afternoon. I think I'm busy tonight, but if you'd like to -come over now or pretty soon it would be all right." - -Well! Oh, well, he'll probably be a mess. Jen never mentioned him. -Haven't heard from Jen lately, though. It wouldn't be like her to send -up a wet smack. - -No, you aren't a wet smack at first glance, anyway. Interesting looking. -Lean and distinguished; something like Lewis Stone, if not quite so -tall. How funny of you to think that the sitting-room is really a place -to sit--surely no one else spent all afternoon on that horse-hair sofa -since the Dean of Women was a pup. If you were one of the boys you'd -know enough to suggest going out. But it is rather fun at that. - -"Oh, you mustn't think," she protests, "that you have to go just because -it's so quiet. We're allowed to have visitors indefinitely on Sunday." - -Laugh. "You're tired, though. I remember Sunday afternoon at school from -my own experience. Thank you, and--I may see you quite soon again? Not -only, I assure you, because my time in your city is so limited." - -Ooo, what a funny way to talk! "Certainly." It is queer, how hard it is -to keep from getting an accent like that too, while she talks to him. -"Yes, I'd like to see you again before you leave. It doesn't happen to -be a very--busy time for me just now." - -"How fortunate! I don't want to interfere with your studies. Can't we -have dinner this evening?" - -"Oh--why--yes, thank you, I'd like to. At six-thirty? Good-bye." - -Oh, well, Tom ought to excuse her for an out-of-town friend. That is -perfectly legitimate. - -"Hello. Alpha Belt house? Is that Tom? Well, listen, Tom? I hope you -won't be perfectly furious because I really can't help it, but it's this -way----" - - * * * * * - -A co-ed is a well-protected person, in spite of what may be read in the -newspapers about her freedom. She is so hemmed in by public opinion--not -the opinion of the outside world, but that of her own public, the -campus--that it is with a distinct sense of guilt that she associates -with anyone so foreign as an out-of-town visitor, be his appearance ever -so distinguished. Not that Dorothy isn't thrilled as well as -apprehensive. If she dared, she would even have dined in the roseate and -familiar publicity of Ye Kandy Shoppe, stared at by her friends and -causing a poorly concealed flurry of gossip. But you would be puzzled by -Ye Kandy Shoppe, and perhaps dissatisfied with the food. That is why you -proceed solemnly through the menu of the Imperial Hotel Dining-room, -sherbet-on-the-side and all, surrounded by the younger married set of -the town, with an occasional drummer or a professor's party. - -"Well, yes, I see that you know Genevieve quite well," you are saying. -"Much better than I do. It's perhaps the only fault that I can find with -my work--the lack of real social contact. Going and coming as I do, I -must resign myself to being the picturesque figure; oft forgotten. -Interesting, perhaps, but so occasionally!" Smile. - -"But doesn't your work keep you in one place at a time pretty much?" -asks Dorothy. "I thought it took at least six years at a time to build -bridges. Surely there are people there--in Abyssinia, or wherever you're -going next?" - -"People? My dear child, you've been going to the movies. The natives are -really dark--much more so than you seem to suspect. Of course once in a -while you do find people, and if they are people at all, you understand, -they mean much more to you than they would here, at home. That mode of -life has given me a distressingly intense way of taking my friends, I -find. You children with your great circles of acquaintances wouldn't -understand my attitude." - -"I might," she says, eagerly. "Once I spent a summer camping--in -Maine--with just three other people, and I certainly was glad to get -back to town. I was so sick of them!" - -"Yes, that might give you some idea of it. But don't misunderstand me. I -wouldn't give it up for anything. After all in the face of certain -things, what do people matter? I give you my word--" here your face -grows intent as you finger a fork; you seem to have forgotten Dorothy -and the dining-room "--a man gets pretty close to the fundamental reason -for things, out there. So close that he is perilously near to discovery. -What keeps him from going farther? Sometimes he goes too far. Sometimes -a boy is sent back home just for going too far--for discovering, or -thinking he has discovered.... Fever? Insanity? Truth?" - -Dorothy shivers. The tawdry dining-room is forgotten in dark imaginings. -Slimy twisted vegetation, slow streams of oily water, houses built on -stilts, lifted from the swamp.... Or the monotonous sun of the desert; -the undulating, glaring floor of sand with one heroic little clump of -tents.... - -"Would you care to dance?" You have come out of it. She smiles, rather -late, and nods. You dance the way they do in those places in Europe, she -thinks--slow and romantic, not hopping all over, like Tom. - -"When do you start back again?" - -"Well, I'm not sure. I won't know until I get back to New York. They -keep these things quiet, of course--international policy, I might say." -For the first time, your smile is for her; a personal thing. "I have a -very definite regret that my visit is so short. It's an unaccustomed -feeling. The last time I saw civilization--let's see, it must have been -four years ago--I was positively glad to go back. Where do they keep you -young girls? Are you always at school? Ah, well--thank education for our -salvation!" - -It is difficult to imagine you at a movie, she thinks. You go, however, -and sit through a news weekly, a very old domestic comedy, at which you -laugh quite surprisingly hard, and half a problem picture before you -give it up. - -"I say," you suddenly announce, "stupid of me not to have thought of it -before. Simply driving somewhere would be better than this. Or have you -a rule about cars and that sort of thing?" - -"I suppose we must have, but no one ever pays any attention to it." - -You must drive a good way before the Sunday traffic is at last left -behind. - -"You drive well for not being used to the city," she ventures. - -"It's good fun," you explain. "Much more dangerous than the life out -there. And you mean to say that you do a lot of driving? In streets like -those in town? Brave girl!" - -Safe from the eyes of any university official, she takes a cigarette. -Your silence and proximity are very thrilling; there will be a lot to -tell the room mate when she gets back. Or perhaps it would be better not -to say too much--to act as if this sort of out-of-town friend is to be -expected from a background like Dorothy's. She is rather different than -the usual co-ed, anyway, she thinks comfortably. More interesting -friends, on the whole. Of course these little boys are all right when -you have nothing else.... - -Stop the car on the edge of the Hawk Bluff, which in the sober light of -common day looks out over a not-very-far-down golf course, but which now -hangs over mysterious abysses. - -"Dorothy," you say. - -It has come at last; she knows it and turns to you with the fatal -feeling of one for whom circumstance has been too strong. And then -nothing happens for a minute. - -"You are a lovely child," you say. Then, very quickly, draw her to you -and kiss her on the brow. And then drive home through the quiet night. -Anyway, it is quiet until you reach town and the boisterous returning -students. - -Home again, an hour before she has to be. Stand in the light-speckled -gloom of the verandah and say farewell. - -"So very, very nice of Jen. I'll never forget it. Something to remember -when I go back.... Lovely child." - -And without even another kiss on the brow you are gone. - -Does Dorothy call up the Alpha Delt house to arrange for a malted before -she goes to bed? Or does she go to her room and sit there in the dark, -thinking? - -She goes to her room quite thoroughly, as it were, seduced. After all, -this is the most subtle method of them all. - - - - - BIBLIOGRAPHY - - -Mrs. D. M. Craik, _John Halifax Gentleman_. (Everyman). -Russell, _A Year in a Yawl_. (Doubleday Doran). -Malinowski, _Sex and Repression in Savage Society_. (Harcourt Brace). -E. Osgood, _Cupid Scores a Touchdown_. (French). -MacCuaig and Clark, _Games Worth Playing_. (Longmans). -W. J. D. Mead, _The Energies of Men_. (Dutton). -Collinson, _Life and Laughter 'Midst the Cannibals._ (Button). -Hamlin Garland, _Back Trailers from the Middle Borders._ (Macmillan). -R. J. T. Bell, _An Elementary Treatise on Curve Tracing._ (Macmillan). -M. E. Bottomley, _The Design of Small Properties._ (Macmillan). -Louisa May Alcott, _Little Women_. (Macmillan). -Leonard Merrick, _One Man's View_. (Dutton). -Mary B. Grubb, _When Mother Lets Us Make Gifts._ (Dodd Mead). -Anon, _Mother Goose_. (Macauley). -Elinor Glyn, _Three Weeks_. (Macaulay). -Margaret Kennedy, _A Long Week-End_. (Doubleday Doran). -Lina and A. B. Beard, _American Girl's Handbook. How to Amuse Yourself and - Others_. (Gregg Pub. Co.). -Hord and Ely, _How to Get a Good Position_. (Gregg Pub. Co.). -"Pansy," _An Interrupted Night_. (Lippincott). -Robert Browning, _Love Among the Ruins_. (Macmillan). -R. S. Carroll, _Our Nervous Friends, Illustrating the Mastery of - Nervousness_. (Macmillan). -Edgar Allan Loew, _Electrical Power and Transmission; Principles of Design - and Performance_. (McGraw). -Laird and Lee, _Laird and Lee Diary and Time Saver_. (Macmillan). -S. C. Johnson, _Peeps at Postage Stamps_. (Macmillan). -Harry Castlemon, _Frank on a Gunboat_. (Donohue). -C. Askins, _Wing and Trap Shooting_. (Macmillan). -Herbert Adams, _The Empty Bed_, _Rogues Fall Out_. (Lippincott). -J. H. C. Fabre, _Life and Love of the Insect_. (Macmillan). - " _Life of the Scorpion_. (Dodd). -H. M. Lothrop, _The Five Little Peppers_. (Lothrop). -George Birtwhistle, _New Quantum Mechanics_. (Macmillan). -Cocke, _Old Mammy Tales from Dixie Land_. (Dutton). -Bernardin de St. Pierre, _Paul et Virginie_. (William Morrow). -Aristophanes, _The Birds_. (William Morrow). -J. M. Barry, _Peter Pan_. (William Morrow). -Dean Swift, _Gulliver's Travels_. (William Morrow). -Margaret Mead, _Coming of Age in Samoa_. (William Morrow). -Etienne Rabaud, _How Animals Find Their Way About._ (Harcourt Brace). - - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Seductio Ad Absurdum, by Emily Hahn - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SEDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM *** - -***** This file should be named 43757.txt or 43757.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/4/3/7/5/43757/ - -Produced by Roger Frank and Sue Clark - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, -set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to -copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to -protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project -Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you -charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you -do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the -rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose -such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and -research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do -practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is -subject to the trademark license, especially commercial -redistribution. - - - -*** START: FULL LICENSE *** - -THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE -PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK - -To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free -distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work -(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project -Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project -Gutenberg-tm License available with this file or online at - www.gutenberg.org/license. - - -Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic works - -1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to -and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property -(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all -the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy -all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. -If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the -terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or -entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. - -1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be -used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who -agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few -things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works -even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See -paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement -and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works. See paragraph 1.E below. - -1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" -or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the -collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an -individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are -located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from -copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative -works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg -are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project -Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by -freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of -this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with -the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by -keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project -Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. - -1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern -what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in -a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check -the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement -before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or -creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project -Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning -the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United -States. - -1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: - -1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate -access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently -whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the -phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project -Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, -copied or distributed: - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - -1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived -from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is -posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied -and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees -or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work -with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the -work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 -through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the -Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or -1.E.9. - -1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted -with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution -must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional -terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked -to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the -permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. - -1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm -License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this -work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. - -1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this -electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without -prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with -active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project -Gutenberg-tm License. - -1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, -compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any -word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or -distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than -"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version -posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), -you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a -copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon -request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other -form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm -License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. - -1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, -performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works -unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. - -1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing -access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided -that - -- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from - the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method - you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is - owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he - has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the - Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments - must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you - prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax - returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and - sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the - address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to - the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." - -- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies - you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he - does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm - License. You must require such a user to return or - destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium - and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of - Project Gutenberg-tm works. - -- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any - money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the - electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days - of receipt of the work. - -- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free - distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. - -1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set -forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from -both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael -Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the -Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. - -1.F. - -1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable -effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread -public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm -collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain -"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or -corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual -property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a -computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by -your equipment. - -1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right -of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project -Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all -liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal -fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT -LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE -PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE -TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE -LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR -INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH -DAMAGE. - -1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a -defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can -receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a -written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you -received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with -your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with -the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a -refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity -providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to -receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy -is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further -opportunities to fix the problem. - -1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth -in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS', WITH NO OTHER -WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO -WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. - -1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied -warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. -If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the -law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be -interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by -the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any -provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. - -1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the -trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone -providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance -with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, -promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, -harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, -that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do -or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm -work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any -Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. - - -Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm - -Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of -electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers -including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists -because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from -people in all walks of life. - -Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the -assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's -goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will -remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure -and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. -To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation -and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 -and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org - - -Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive -Foundation - -The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit -501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the -state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal -Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification -number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg -Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent -permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. - -The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. -Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered -throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at 809 -North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email -contact links and up to date contact information can be found at the -Foundation's web site and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact - -For additional contact information: - Dr. Gregory B. Newby - Chief Executive and Director - gbnewby@pglaf.org - -Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg -Literary Archive Foundation - -Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide -spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of -increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be -freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest -array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations -($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt -status with the IRS. - -The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating -charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United -States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a -considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up -with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations -where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To -SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any -particular state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate - -While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we -have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition -against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who -approach us with offers to donate. - -International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make -any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from -outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. - -Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation -methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other -ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. -To donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate - - -Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works. - -Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm -concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared -with anyone. For forty years, he produced and distributed Project -Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. - -Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed -editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. -unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily -keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. - -Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: - - www.gutenberg.org - -This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, -including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to -subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. - diff --git a/43757.zip b/43757.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 7680ebf..0000000 --- a/43757.zip +++ /dev/null |