diff options
Diffstat (limited to '43599-0.txt')
| -rw-r--r-- | 43599-0.txt | 4631 |
1 files changed, 4631 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/43599-0.txt b/43599-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..47dec86 --- /dev/null +++ b/43599-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4631 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 43599 *** + + A PICTURE-BOOK OF + MERRY TALES. + + + + + [Illustration: _The Dwarfs' Capers._] + + + + + [Illustration: Title Page] + + A + Picture-Book + OF + Merry Tales. + + _London: Bosworth and Harrison, 215, Regent Street._ + + + + +CONTENTS. + + + Page + I. + The Birth of Owlglass, and how he was thrice baptized 1 + + II. + How all the People of the Village, both Men and Women, made + complaints of young Owlglass; and how, whilst on horseback + with his Father, without his knowledge, he made game of + them all 5 + + III. + How Owlglass crept into a Beehive; and how, when two Thieves + came in the night to steal it, he managed to set them + quarrelling, so that they came to blows and left the Hive + behind them 10 + + IV. + How Owlglass ate a roasted Fowl off the spit, and did only + half Work 15 + + V. + How Owlglass was forbidden the Duchy of Luneburgh, and bought + himself Land of his own 19 + + VI. + Of the manner in which Owlglass paints a Picture for the + Count of Hessen, and how he persuades him that those of + base birth could not see the Painting 23 + + VII. + How, at Erfurt, Owlglass taught a Donkey to read 29 + + VIII. + How Owlglass brought it about that the Watch of Nurenberg + fell into the Water 33 + + IX. + How Owlglass appears as Dentist and Doctor 37 + + X. + How Owlglass sells his Horse to a Jew, and on what Terms 41 + + XI. + How Owlglass sells an Old Hat for more than its Weight in + Gold 45 + + XII. + How Owlglass, by means of a false Confession, cheated the + Priest of Riesenburgh out of his Horse; and how he steals + another Priest's Snuff-box 48 + + XIII. + How a Bootmaker of Brunswick larded Owlglass's Boots; and how + he was paid for doing so 56 + + XIV. + How Owlglass hires himself to a Tailor; and how well he + executes his Master's Orders 60 + + XV. + How Owlglass caused Three Tailors to fall from their + Work-board, and persuaded the People that the Wind had + blown them down 63 + + XVI. + How Owlglass tells a Truth to a Smith, to his Wife, his + Assistant, and his Maidservant, for which he gets his Horse + shod 66 + + XVII. + How Owlglass hired himself to a Merchant as Cook and Coachman 70 + + XVIII. + How Owlglass cheated a Horse-dealer at Wismar, and afterwards + cheated the Public 78 + + XIX. + How Owlglass sowed Rogues 82 + + XX. + How Owlglass hired himself to a Barber, and entered his House + through the Window 85 + + XXI. + How Owlglass frightened an Innkeeper at Eisleben with a dead + Wolf 90 + + XXII. + The Grateful Animals 95 + + XXIII. + Tim Jarvis 106 + + XXIV. + The Shoemaker and the Dwarfs 115 + + XXV. + The Countryman and the Jew 121 + + XXVI. + My Watch 130 + + XXVII. + Fittletetot 140 + + XXVIII. + The wee Bannock 148 + + XXIX. + Jock and his Mother 154 + + XXX. + The Irish Highwayman 161 + + XXXI. + Fiddling Jackey 169 + + XXXII. + Teeny-Tiny 199 + + XXXIII. + The Cannibal Cow 203 + + XXXIV. + The Three Men of Gotham on Nottingham Bridge 224 + + XXXV. + The Man of Gotham and his Cheeses 231 + + XXXVI. + Twelve Men of Gotham go out Fishing together 236 + + XXXVII. + The Cobbler's Wager 243 + + XXXVIII. + The Miller and his Donkey 256 + + XXXIX. + Dr. Dobbs, and his Horse Nobbs 263 + + XL. + The Brownie 268 + + + + +[Decoration] + +I. + + _The Birth of Owlglass, and how he was thrice baptized._ + + +In the Duchy of Brunswick is a forest called Seib, and in this lies the +village of Kneitlingen, where the good child Owlglass was born. + +The life of this child does not confirm the old saying, "like father +like son," for his father, by name Elaus Owlglass, was a quiet +respectable man, and his mother, Anna, was the very model of a woman, +for she was meek and a woman of few words. No particular circumstance +attending the birth of our hero is handed down to us, and it therefore +was, probably, not very different to other births; but it is recorded +that he enjoyed the benefit of three distinct Baptisms. + +There does not seem to have been any Church in the village where he +was born, for when the time came for him to be christened he was sent +by his parents to the village of Amptlen, where he received the name +of Tyll Owlglass. The place is still remembered as the scene of this +ceremony; but also because close by there stood once a castle of the +same name, destroyed, as a nest of robbers, by the good people of +Magdeburgh, with the help of their neighbours. + +At the time we are speaking of it was the custom of the land that the +godfathers and godmothers, together with the nurse and child, should +adjourn, immediately after the christening, to an alehouse, there to +enjoy themselves; and that part of the ceremony was not forgotten or +neglected on this occasion. Now it was a long way from the Church to +the ale-house, and the day was very hot, so that the party indulged +rather freely in the refreshing beverage, delaying their homeward +journey as long as possible. + +At length, however, they had to get on their way; and the nurse, whose +head was rather giddy and legs not over-steady, had very unpleasant +visions of a narrow footpath with ground sloping down into a muddy +ditch, and she had serious forebodings of how that part of the journey +would be accomplished. The nearer she drew to the dreaded spot the more +her nervousness increased, and young Tyll, whether that she clutched +him more firmly to her, or whether he too had forebodings of danger, +began to kick and struggle in her arms, so that her stopping on the +brink of danger, to gather steadiness and courage, was of no manner of +use, for just as one foot rested on a loose stone a violent plunge of +the child threw her fairly off her legs, and threw himself over her +head into the ditch below. But weeds are not easily extirpated; so no +harm happened to the child excepting that he was covered with mud and +slime. Then he was taken home and washed. + +[Illustration: _Owlglass's Second Baptism._] + +Thus Owlglass was, on one and the same day, thrice baptized. First, in +all proper order and due form, then in the muddy ditch, and lastly, +in warm water to cleanse him from the dirt. This was symbolic of the +many mishaps of his future life, for evil is sure to fall back upon its +perpetrator. + + + + +II. + + _How all the People of the Village, both Men and Women, made + complaints of young Owlglass; and how, whilst on horseback with + his Father, without his knowledge, he made game of them all._ + + +Our young acquaintance, Tyll, began at an early age to show signs of +a decidedly marked character. He was full of life and spirits, as the +other children of the village found out to their cost, for no sooner +could he crawl amongst them than he played all manner of tricks. In +truth he was more like a monkey than the child of respectable Christian +parents, and when he had reached the age of four years he became daily +more mischievous. He played his companions as many tricks daily as he +was inches high, and, as "ill weeds grow apace," he soon became almost +unbearable; but yet they could not do without him, so quick was his +invention at all games, which, however, he so contrived that they were +sure to end in a quarrel, taking care to get out of it himself before +the blows came; and he would afterwards mock and laugh at those who +had got hurt. He was even more dangerous away than with them, for he +was then most certainly planning mischief. He would find out holes in +the ground, which he carefully covered with sticks and grass, and then +foremost in the race to a mark he had set up a little beyond the hole, +he would stop short, in time to watch the others tumble one over the +other into the trap he had set them. + +Neither were the girls spared. Unknown to them he would fasten their +petticoats together with thorns, as they sat on the ground, and then +frighten them, so as to make them jump up suddenly, when he did not +fail to point out the rents in their dresses, and laugh at them for the +scolding and beating they would get at home. A hundred different tricks +he played them, so that every day some were sure to be sent home crying +and complaining. + +True, he got many a thrashing from boys bigger and stronger than +himself; but so sure was he to repay them tenfold, in one way or +another, that both big and small were afraid of him. Nor were the +parents spared when he could safely do mischief to man or woman, so +that constant complaints were made to his father, to whom, however, he +knew how to defend and excuse himself so artfully that the good simple +man thought his dear child shamefully ill-used. + +[Illustration: _Young Owlglass mocking the Villagers._] + +Tired, at length, of these daily complaints, his father determined to +take him out with him when he knew the street would be full, in order +to show the people how well and soberly his boy could behave; so, +taking him behind him on his horse, having first impressed upon him +that he must be very good, they started off together. Now what did this +obedient child do? He put his finger up to his nose, and by various +other insulting gestures mocked the people as they passed, till there +was a general outcry against the mischievous little imp. His father +was sorely puzzled; and Tyll, pretending to cry, said to him, "You +hear, dear Father, what the people say. You know that I am sitting here +quietly, without saying a single word, and yet all complain of me." His +father hereupon places his dear child before him. Young hopeful, now +seated before his father, could do nothing but make faces and put out +his tongue at the people, who again were loud in their complaints. The +poor man, who could see no fault in his darling, said, "Do not fret, +my own dear Boy. We will go and live somewhere else, and get away from +these evil-minded people." He did, indeed, move to a distance, and +not many years after died, leaving wife and child in great poverty. +Now young Tyll, though sixteen years old, had learnt no business, nor +anything useful or good, but with years had increased in all malice and +mischief. + +[Decoration] + + + + +III. + + _How Owlglass crept into a Beehive; and how, when two Thieves came + in the night to steal it, he managed to set them quarrelling, so + that they came to blows and left the Hive behind them._ + + +We pass over a few years of Owlglass's life during which he continued +to thrive in body, but we are sorry to say gave no signs of moral +improvement. However, in the adventure we are about to relate, he was +not so much to blame, the sufferers being scarcely better than himself, +and in no way deserving of our sympathy. + +He went one day, with his mother, to a feast in a neighbouring village, +where, having eaten and drunk as much as he could bear for the time, +he looked about him for a convenient place to sleep. He found some +beehives, four of which were empty, and creeping into one of these he +thought he would have an hour's quiet rest, but slept from mid-day to +mid-night, so that his mother thought he had gone back home. Now in +that night two thieves came to steal one of the beehives, and having +heard that the heaviest was always the best, they tried the weight of +each; and finding that one the heaviest in which Owlglass was, they +settled between them that that was the one they would take, and walked +off with it. The night was as dark as pitch, so that there was no +seeing at all; but Owlglass was awake, and had heard them consulting +with each other. The motion was not unpleasant as they carried him +along; but yet he thought he could do better than sleep, and after +short consideration he stretched out one hand, and with his finger +first slightly touched the neck of the man before him, then he touched +his nose, chin, cheeks, and forehead. At each touch of the finger the +thief thought one of the bees had settled on him, till he fancied his +face covered with them, and dreaded every moment to feel their sting. +He dared not speak nor move a muscle of his face, but trembled with +fear till the perspiration streamed down him. At length, however, +scarcely moving his jaws, he ventured to mutter to his companion, "I +say, Jack," he said, "have you anything on your face?" "Yes," growled +his companion, who was not in the best of humours, for he began to find +the hive heavy, "I have a nose on my face, and pray what have you to +say against it?" "It is not that I mean," said the first speaker; "but +have you ever heard that bees swarm in the dark, for I am covered with +them?" "You are a fool," was Jack's only reply. After a minute Owlglass +again put out his hand; and this time gave the front man a sharp tug by +the hair, who, thinking his companion had done it, began to complain +and swear. The other cried, "How is it possible I could pull your hair? +Do I not want both my hands to carry this abominable hive? You must be +mad or drunk; but let us have no more of your nonsense, or it will be +the worse for you." + +Owlglass laughed in his sleeve, enjoying this fine sport; and, after +they had gone on a little further, he caught hold of the fellow's +hair at the back, giving his head such a pull forward that he scraped +his nose against the hive. The fellow's rage now knew no bounds. "You +scoundrel," he cried, "first you say I pull your hair and now you +pull mine; but wait, you shall catch it." Whereupon he let go of the +hive, and the other doing the like, they fell upon each other, and +a furious fight began. At length they both came to the ground, and, +rolling one over the other down a steep bank, they became separated, +and in the great darkness neither knew where to find the other nor the +beehive. + +[Illustration: _Owlglass in the Beehive._] + +Owlglass, seeing it was still dark, went to sleep again in the hive; +and the next morning, not knowing where he was, went on his way whither +chance might lead him. + +[Decoration] + + + + +IV. + + _How Owlglass ate a roasted Fowl off the spit, and did only half + Work._ + + +The first village Owlglass came to he went straight to the Priest's +house. Here he was hired, the Priest telling him that he should live as +well as he and his cook, and do only half the work. + +Owlglass agreed, promising himself to the very letter to act up to what +had been said. The cook, who had but one eye, put two chickens to the +fire to roast, bidding him turn the spit. This he readily did, thinking +all the while of the Priest's words, that he should live as well as he +and his cook; and, when the chickens were well roasted, took one of +them off the spit, and ate it then and there. + +When dinner-time had come the cook went to the fire to baste the +chickens, and seeing only one, said to Owlglass, "What has become of +the other fowl?" To this he answered, "Open your other eye, my good +Woman, and you will see the two." She flew into a passion at having her +defect of the loss of one eye thus thrown in her teeth, and straightway +went to her master, to whom she complained of the insult offered to +her, and how that his new servant understood cooking so well that +two chickens dwindled down into one. The Priest thereupon went into +the kitchen, and said, "Why is it, Owlglass, that you have mocked my +servant? I see that there is only one fowl on the spit, whereas there +were two; what has become of the other?" Owlglass answered, "Open +both your eyes, and you will see that the other fowl is on the spit. +I only said the same to your cook, when she grew angry." The Priest +laughed, and said, "My cook cannot open both eyes since she has only +one." Owlglass replied, "That you say, I do not say so." The Priest +continued, "With all this, there is but one fowl." Owlglass said, "The +other I have eaten, for you said I should live as well as you and your +cook, and therefore one chicken was for me, and the other for you two. +I should have been grieved that what you said were not true, and thus +I took my share beforehand." "Well, well, my good Fellow," his master +said, "it matters little about the eaten fowl, only you do in future +what my cook tells you." Owlglass said, "Yes, my dear Master, as you +told me so will I do." Now, at the hiring, the Priest had said Owlglass +should do half the work which the cook would tell him, so that he only +did the half of what she told him to do. + +[Illustration: _Owlglass eats the Priest's Fowl._] + +When told to fetch a pail full of water, he brought it only half full, +and when he was to put two logs of wood on the fire, he only put one +on. The cook saw well enough that all this was done to vex her, and +said to her master that if he kept such a perverse fellow in his house +she would leave it. Owlglass defended himself, saying, it was quite +natural that having only one eye she should see the work only half +done. At this the Priest laughed; but to appease his cook was obliged +to dismiss his man, promising, however, that he would be a friend to +him. + +[Decoration] + + + + +V. + + _How Owlglass was forbidden the Duchy of Luneburgh, and bought + himself Land of his own._ + + +Owlglass had played so many pranks in the Duchy of Luneburgh that he +was forbidden the land, the Duke giving orders that if found there he +should be hanged. Nevertheless, he continued to pass through the Duchy +whenever his road led that way; but one day, as he was riding along +devoid of care, he saw the Duke himself coming with several followers. +Then he said to himself, "If I fly I shall be pursued and cut down, +and, if I remain as I am, the Duke will come up in great anger and have +me hanged on the nearest tree;" and most provokingly one stood close +by. There was not much time for consideration, and none to be lost, +so, jumping off his horse, he killed the animal, and, ripping it open, +took his stand in its inside. Now when the Duke came up to him he was +astonished at his impudence, and still more so at his extraordinary +position. "Did I not promise you," he said, "that, if found in my +territory, you should be surely hanged? What have you to say for +yourself?" Owlglass answered, "I put my trust in your Grace's goodness, +and that you will not carry your threat into execution, seeing that +I have not done anything to deserve hanging." "Well," said the Duke, +"let me hear what you have to say in your defence, or rather, tell me +why you are standing inside your horse?" Owlglass answered, "I sorely +feared your Grace's displeasure, and thought I had better be found in +my own property, where I ought to be safe." The Duke laughed, and said, +"As long as you remain where you are you shall be safe," and then rode +away. + +Owlglass made the best of his way over the frontier; but it was not +long before he had occasion again to be in the Duchy of Luneburgh, and +hearing that the Duke was coming to the neighbourhood where he was, he +straightway got a cart and horse, and going up to a peasant, whom he +saw digging in a field, he asked whose land it was. The peasant said it +was his own, for he had lately inherited it. Hereupon Owlglass asked +for how much he would sell him his cart full of earth. They agreed for +a shilling; and Owlglass paying the money, filled his cart with earth, +in which he buried himself up to his arm-pits, and drove leisurely on +his way. + +[Illustration: _Owlglass Rides on his own Land._] + +It was not long before he met the Duke, who, seeing him sitting thus +in the cart, stopped, and, with difficulty restraining his laughter, +said, "Owlglass, have I not forbidden you my land on pain of death?" +To this Owlglass answered, "I am not in your Grace's land, but sitting +in my own, which I purchased from a peasant whose inheritance it was." +The Duke replied, "Though sitting in your own land, your cart and horse +are on mine; but this once more I will let you go in safety; beware, +however, that you do not come again, for then nothing shall save you." +Owlglass then immediately sprang upon his horse and rode off, leaving +the cart behind. + + + + +VI. + + _Of the Manner in which Owlglass paints a Picture for the Count of + Hessen, and how he persuades him that those of base birth could + not see the Painting._ + + +After Owlglass had wandered all over Saxony, and was so well known +that his trickery and scheming were no longer of any avail, he went +to Hessen to the Count's court. The Count asked him what he could do, +to which he answered, "Noble Sir, I am a painter such as is not to be +found far and wide, for my work far surpasses all other." The Count +then said, "Let me see some of your work." Whereupon Owlglass produced +some curiously painted cloth which he had bought in Flanders. The Count +was well pleased, and said, "What must I pay you to paint the walls +of the grand saloon, representing the origin of the Counts of Hessen, +and how they have held on in friendship and enmity with the kings of +Hungary, and other princes up to the present time?" + +Owlglass said for that he must have two hundred pounds; which the Count +agreed to pay if he did the work well. Owlglass stipulated for one +hundred pounds to be paid in advance, that he might buy colours and +hire assistants, and also that no one but his assistants should enter +the saloon during the progress of the work, so that he might not be +hindered. All being agreed to, he hired three assistants, with whom he +settled that they were not to do any work; but he nevertheless paid +them their wages, and they employed themselves mostly playing at cards +and dice. A month passed by, and then the Count desired to know what +progress had been made with the work, and also to be allowed to enter +the saloon. Owlglass now said, "Noble Sir, there is one thing I must +tell you, namely, that the base born cannot see my work." + +[Illustration: _Owlglass shows his Picture to the Count._] + +The Count was rejoiced on hearing this, thinking how he could prove the +birth of all by whom he was surrounded, for he was mightily proud. They +then entered the saloon; and Owlglass partly drawing back a cloth, +which he had stretched across the side of the room he was supposed to +be painting, said, pointing at the same time with his mahlstick, which +he held in his hand, "Here you behold the first Count of Hessen, in +whose noble bearing I trust you recognize the great founder of your +noble house; by his side you see his wife, daughter of Justinian, +afterwards Emperor of Bavaria: they had issue Adolphus, from whom +descended, in a direct line, William the Brave, Lewis the Good, and +so on up to your own noble self. You will not fail to appreciate how +skilfully I have brought into my composition each worthy personage, +occupied in a manner best suited to his character. The drawing I know +is faultless, and I hope you admire the richness of the colours." Now +the Count said nothing to all this, and he said to himself, "Can it be +possible that I am base born, for I see nothing but the white wall?" +However, for the sake of his own honour, he expressed himself well +pleased, adding that his want of knowledge of art prevented his doing +full justice to the great talent displayed; whereupon he left the room. +As soon as the Countess saw him she anxiously inquired how he liked +the painting, for she had her doubts of Owlglass, who appeared to her +a rogue. The Count said he was well satisfied; and on her expressing +a wish to see it, said she might, with the painter's permission. She +immediately sent for Owlglass, and requested permission to see his +work. Owlglass answered that he should be most happy to have her +opinion of what he considered his masterpiece, telling her, as he had +told the Count, the peculiarity about his work, that it was invisible +to the base born. + +The Countess went to the saloon with eight attendants, one of whom, a +distant relation of her own, was rather weak-minded. Owlglass drew back +the cloth, as he had done before, and explained his painting in the +same words as to the Count. The Countess stared at the wall and then at +him, and at the wall again, but did not make one single observation. +The attendants were equally mute, excepting the weak-minded one, +who looked at the wall and her companions in astonishment, and then +exclaimed, that base born or not, she could see nothing but a white +wall, and was convinced there was no more painting on it than on the +back of her hand. + +The Countess went straight to her husband, and told him that she was +as well satisfied as he had been; but that her weak-minded relative +maintained that there was no painting whatever on the wall, and that +Owlglass was an impostor who was making fools of the whole Court. + +The Count was vexed at this, and scarcely knew what to think; but +determined to see whether any one else would make similar observations, +he sent word to Owlglass to have everything ready on the following day +to receive a visit from himself and his whole Court. On receiving this +message Owlglass immediately dismissed his assistants, and went to the +treasurer and begged to be paid the hundred pounds that were still due +to him. He got the money without difficulty, and the following day was +no longer at the Court, nor anywhere in Hessen. + +[Decoration] + + + + +VII. + + _How, at Erfurt, Owlglass taught a Donkey to read._ + + +Having had such signal success in the arts, Owlglass determined to try +science and letters; and therefore, when he came to Prague, in Bohemia, +he had notices stuck up, on the church and college doors, stating that +he could solve the most difficult questions. His answers, here, puzzled +the learned more than they had puzzled him with their questions; and +thus made bolder in impudence, he went to Erfurt, where he gave out +that he could teach any animal to read and write. + +Now, at Erfurt there was a celebrated university, and all the learned +doctors met together and discussed what they should propose to +Owlglass, so that they might disgrace him, and come off with greater +honor, themselves, than their brethren of Prague. As soon as they had +come to a satisfactory conclusion, they had Owlglass called before +them, and the head of the university said that they had determined to +put a donkey to school with him, if he would undertake to teach it to +read. Owlglass agreed to do this without hesitation, adding that, as a +donkey was naturally a dull animal, they must allow him a reasonable +time and a sufficient sum for the support of his scholar during the +course of his instruction. After conferring among themselves, the +learned doctors proposed that twenty years should be allowed for the +accomplishment of the task, together with a sum of money which Owlglass +thought sufficient; and having received part of the money in advance, +he led his scholar off to a stall he had constructed on purpose for +him. He felt no difficulty in his position, for he would be freed from +all responsibility by the death of his pupil, which, at any time, +could be brought about, but for the time being determined to have some +sport. He took an old book, which he laid in the donkey's crib, having +strewed some oats between the leaves, and when the animal found this +out, it turned the leaves over with its tongue to get at the oats. Now, +when it no longer found any it cried out, "E-aw! E-aw!" which Owlglass +noticing, at once went to the head of the university and said, +"Learned Doctor, would you not like to see how my pupil is getting +on?" "Does he improve?" the Doctor asked; to which Owlglass replied, +"He is naturally uncouth and difficult to be taught, but by great care +and perseverance I have brought him on so far that he pronounces some +letters." Several of the dignitaries of the university assembled at +the donkey's stable, and as soon as Owlglass placed a book before the +poor creature, which had been kept fasting all day, it eagerly turned +over the leaves, looking for the oats, and not finding any, cried with +a loud voice, "E-aw! E-aw!" "You hear, my worthy Sirs," Owlglass said, +"that he already pronounces a vowel and a diphthong pretty distinctly, +and I have every hope that his progress will now be more rapid." +After this exhibition, Owlglass one night fastened a notice up at the +college door to the effect that the donkey, his scholar, was now fully +competent to be at the head of the university, and to instruct the +other donkeys of Erfurt, whom he therefore left to his charge. Owlglass +that night disappeared from the town, not forgetting to take with him +the money he had so deservedly earned. + +[Illustration: _Owlglass's learned Donkey._] + + + + +VIII. + + _How Owlglass brought it about that the Watch of Nurenberg fell + into the Water._ + + +After leaving Erfurt, Owlglass dressed himself as a priest, and, +travelling about different parts, levied contributions wherever he +found ignorance and credulity, of which there was no lack. He carried a +death's head about with him, which he pretended was the skull of Saint +Brandonis, possessing miraculous virtue for the cure of all manner +of illnesses. He also pretended that he was collecting subscriptions +for building a church in honour of Saint Brandonis, and that all who +brought an offering would, by the intercession of the Saint, find +it restored to them a hundredfold before the year was over. When he +arrived at any town or village he sought to find out any prevailing +vice or sin, and would then give out that, from persons addicted to +this particular vice or sin, he could not accept any offering for the +Saint. By these means the offerings flowed in more abundantly than had +ever been collected, for those who felt themselves most guilty were +most eager, by their offerings, to prove their innocence. Thus Owlglass +got his pockets well filled and went to Nurenberg, where he determined +to rest for a time from his labours, and enjoy himself as long as his +money would last. After being there some time, and knowing all the +in's and out's of the place, he grew tired of idleness, and nothing +could satisfy him but a piece of mischief. During his wanderings he +had noticed that, in the evening, the town watchmen assembled together +in a cellar under the town-hall, and that to get from the town-hall to +the pig-market a small wooden bridge had to be passed, which crossed +the river called the Pegnetz. Bearing all this in mind, he waited +one night till the whole town was quiet, then, after breaking three +planks of the bridge, he went up to the town-hall and set up a furious +bellowing and shouting, at the same time striking the paved road with +an iron spiked stick till the sparks flew on all sides. This roused the +watch, and as he ran away, they chased him towards the pig-market. +Owlglass jumped over that part of the bridge where he had broken the +planks, and stopped on the other side, shouting to his pursuers, "O! +O! you pig-headed timber-toed rogues, is that the way you run? I see I +must needs wait for you!" This enraged the men, and all together they +rushed on the bridge, which giving way where he had broken the planks, +they fell one over the other into the Pegnitz. There he left them, and +turned his back upon the town of Nurenberg. + +[Illustration: _The Watchmen of Nurenberg._] + +[Decoration] + + + + +IX. + + _How Owlglass appears as Dentist and Doctor._ + + +Owlglass visited Schomberg, where he had notices posted that he was +a celebrated dentist and doctor; that he could not only cure the +toothache without extracting the tooth, but that the most inveterate +disease would immediately yield to his remedies. + +He met with a wag who was willing to join him in cheating the good +people of Schomberg, afterwards to share the plunder with him; and +for this purpose his accomplice pretended to suffer intolerable pain +from toothache, but immediately that Owlglass had administered a pill +to him, which was nothing more than simple bread, he professed to be +perfectly cured. + +This wonderful cure took place before all the people, whereat they +were greatly astonished, and they crowded to him to be cured of every +imaginable pain; but Owlglass appointed all to meet him on the +following day, at a stated time, for he was in treaty to restore the +patients of the hospital to health, and that before that great work was +accomplished, he could not undertake any fresh case. The master of the +hospital, on hearing Owlglass's announcement that he could cure all +diseases, had applied to him, for he had the hospital full of patients, +and was most anxious to be rid of as many as possible. He agreed to pay +fifty pounds, Owlglass engaging that the next day the hospital should +be free of patients. + +Now this is the way he set about the serious task. He went to the +hospital and asked each patient separately what ailed him or her, after +which he said:-- + +"You must now solemnly swear that you will not reveal to any living +being what I am about to tell you." And having received the required +promise, he continued:--"The only way in which I can cure you is by +taking one of your number, and burning him to powder, give a portion to +each of the others. Therefore, I shall take that one amongst you who is +most seriously affected, in order that the others may be saved. Now to +find out which is most hopelessly ill, I shall place the master of +the hospital at the door, who will cry with a loud voice, 'Let those +who are well come out;' and then the one that remains behind I shall +burn to powder. Do not forget what I now tell you, for I should be +sorry to have you sacrificed." + +[Illustration: _Owlglass administers a Pill._] + +The following morning he said to the master:-- + +"All the patients are now cured, the truth of which you will find; for +if you stand at the door and cry out, 'Let all those who are well come +forth,' you shall see that not one will remain behind." It happened, +indeed, as he said, and the hospital was left empty, whereupon he +received the promised fifty pounds, besides many thanks. After this he +received all who sought relief, whatever their sufferings might be; and +giving each one of his bread pills, for which he took a small sum, he +promised a perfect cure in three hours' time. + +Before this time had elapsed, however, Owlglass left the town with his +illgotten earnings. + + + + +X. + + _How Owlglass sells his Horse to a Jew, and on what Terms._ + + +Owlglass stopped one day at a roadside inn, for he had ridden a long +way, and both he and his horse were tired. On entering the kitchen, +which served as travellers' room, he found a Jew and two or three +countrymen, who had watched him as he rode up, and were joking about +his and his horse's appearance. + +As I said, he had ridden a long way, and his horse, which was none of +the handsomest, jaded and covered with dust as it was, cut but a sorry +appearance, his own not being much better. The countrymen thought +themselves rather wags, and one said, turning to Owlglass, "That is a +handsome animal of yours." "And it must be allowed," the other added, +"that the gentleman sat the spirited creature well. I should not have +liked my sweetheart to see him as he came along." The Jew was glad to +put in his joke, too; and, when it appeared he could do so with safety, +said:-- + +"Is the shentleman willing to part with his handsome beast? For if +so I shall be happy to deal with him, as it would just suit a great +nobleman, a particular friend of mine, for whom I have been looking out +for a horse; but he is very particular, and up to the present I have +not been able to find one good enough for him." + +The countrymen laughed boisterously at this sally of the Jew's, but +Owlglass, appearing to take it seriously, answered:-- + +"My horse is, indeed, a splendid animal; but as I intend to rest myself +here for some days I shall not need it, and am therefore willing to +deal with you, my good Friend. I have sworn, however, not to part with +it for any sum of money, however great, and I cannot break my oath; but +you can have the horse for your friend, if you agree to my terms. These +are, that, after I shall have given you six stripes on your bare back, +the animal is yours." + +Miserable as the creature was the Jew was ready enough to have it +without paying any money, so agreed to the proposal. + +[Illustration: _The Jew's Bargain._] + +Whilst the Jew was stripping his shoulders Owlglass said, "These two +gentlemen are witnesses that the horse is not to be yours till I have +given you six stripes." The countrymen, anxious for the fun, said they +would be witnesses; and the Jew having bared his back, Owlglass tied +his hands to a staple in the door-post, and clutching his whip firmly +gave him such a cut that the poor Jew danced again. At the second +stroke he fairly howled; and after giving him a third Owlglass said, +"I see, my Friend, that you are not able to complete the bargain now, +so I will keep my horse till some future time, when I shall have paid +you the remaining three stripes." The countrymen were convulsed with +laughter, and the Jew had the worst of the bargain. + +[Decoration] + + + + +XI. + + _How Owlglass sells an Old Hat for more than its Weight in Gold._ + + +Owlglass having determined to give himself a few days' rest, put up +at an inn where he had noticed that the landlady was a very lively +intelligent woman, for he thought that if an opportunity for a good +piece of mischief occurred, she would be quite ready to second him. He +remarked that amongst the daily visiters there were two particularly +stupid who just on that account thought themselves superior to the +rest, and gave themselves considerable airs. + +Owlglass could not resist the temptation to play these a trick; and, +having taken the landlady into his confidence, he invited them to sup +with him. He told them many curious stories and adventures; and after +he had prepared their minds to take in anything, however wonderful, +he took down his hat, which was hanging against the wall, and which +happened to be a very old one, saying, "You will scarcely believe that +this hat is worth fifty times its weight in gold; but the fact is, +it has the extraordinary power of making any one to whom I owe money +believe I have paid them, when I hold it in a particular manner." + +Fools as his guests were, this was more than they could believe; but +Owlglass engaged to give them proof of it that very moment, and that +they should see the landlady would say she was paid. He rang the bell, +and when the landlady appeared, he asked her how much he owed her +for the supper, and she said five shillings. Whereupon he continued, +holding his old hat in a peculiar manner, on the tips of his fingers, +"Have I not paid you for the supper?" To which she answered, "Yes;" +adding that she was very much obliged to him. + +At this they marvelled; and when he said he was willing to sell it for +fifty pounds, there was a dispute between them which should buy it, +when it was at length agreed they should buy it between them. When +Owlglass received the money he made his accomplice a handsome present +and went on his way, leaving the purchasers to try the virtue of the +hat. + +[Illustration: _Owlglass paying the Landlady._] + + + + +XII. + + _How Owlglass, by means of a false Confession, cheated the Priest + of Riesenburgh out of his Horse; and how he steals another + Priest's Snuff-box._ + + +After this adventure, Owlglass went to Riesenburgh, where he lodged +with the Priest, whom he knew, having been there several times before. +This priest had a very pretty maid-servant and a beautiful little +horse, which horse the Duke of Brunswick much wished to have, and +offered a considerable sum of money for its possession; but though +the offer was often repeated the Priest as often refused, for he was +scarcely less fond of his horse than of his maid. Owlglass having +heard this, and soon after hearing that the Duke was in the town, went +to him, and said, "What will your Highness give me if I get you the +Priest's horse?" "If you can do that," the Duke answered, "I will give +you the coat I now have on." Now this coat was of scarlet velvet, +ornamented with pearls. + +After this Owlglass pretended to be ill; and taking to his bed, moaned +and sighed so piteously that both the Priest and his maid were much +grieved, and knew not what to do. As he daily seemed to grow worse, +the Priest admonished him to confess, as he had many sins to answer +for. Owlglass answered, that he was anxious to confess himself, for +though he did not feel guilty of any grievous sin, yet there was one +which weighed heavily on his mind, but that he could not confess to +him, and therefore earnestly begged he would fetch him another priest. +When the Priest heard this, there seemed something strange in it, and +his curiosity being strongly excited, he said, "Dear Owlglass, I should +have to go a long way for another confessor, and if in the meantime you +should die unabsolved we should both have much to answer for, therefore +speak, my Son, and your sin shall be forgiven you." "Be it so then," +Owlglass said, "but my sin is not so great, as that I fear offending +you, for it concerns you." This excited the Priest's curiosity still +more, and he said, "Speak without hesitation, for I forgive you +beforehand; besides, my anger need not matter, for I dare not divulge +your confession." "Oh, my dear, good Friend," Owlglass answered, "I +know I shall much anger and offend you; but since I feel that my end is +near I will no longer delay. I grieve to say that I have kissed your +maid more than once." The Priest inquired how often that had happened; +and being told five times, he hastily absolved his penitent, and going +out called his servant to him. He accused her of having allowed herself +to be kissed by Owlglass; and though she denied it, he took a stick and +beat her till she was black and blue. Owlglass laughed when he heard +the maid cry, and thought to himself, now the business is settled; so +after remaining in bed one more day and night he got up, declaring +himself to be quite well. After settling with his host for his board +and lodging, he said, "I am now going to Halberstadt to the Bishop, +to denounce you for having divulged the secrets of the confessional." +The poor Priest, who a moment before had felt quite happy at the +prospect of getting rid of so dangerous a visiter, was now taken quite +aback, when he saw ruin staring him in the face, and he begged most +earnestly that he would not betray him, for it was in anger. He added +that he would give him twenty pounds to purchase his secrecy, but +Owlglass declared that he would not take fifty. Thereupon the Priest +begged his maid to intercede, and ascertain what Owlglass would accept; +and he, after making much difficulty, said he would not take anything +but the Priest's horse. Now the Priest would rather have parted with +anything than his horse; but there was no help for it, so he gave him +the animal. Owlglass mounted the horse and rode off to Wolfenbuttel, +where he found the Duke standing on the bridge. As he came near, the +Duke took off his coat, saying, "You see, Owlglass, that as you have +performed your part of the agreement I am ready to perform mine. There, +take the coat I promised you." Owlglass then had to relate by what +means he obtained the horse from the Priest; at which the Duke laughed +heartily, and besides the coat gave him another horse. + +[Illustration: _Owlglass's Confession._] + +This was not the only priest whom Owlglass tricked, as you shall hear. + + * * * * * + +Whilst staying in the house where the adventure just told you occurred, +he had become acquainted with a priest who came there several times, +and there were two things he did not fail to note. Firstly, this +Priest was very heavy with sleep every day after dinner, so that it +seemed impossible to him to keep his eyes open; and secondly, he had +a handsome silver snuff-box, which it was his habit to lay down by +his side after taking a pinch from it. He lived in a town at no great +distance from Riesenburgh; and thither Owlglass went to stay a day or +two, the very first opportunity he had. + +Choosing the time when he knew the Priest had dined, he went to the +confessional, and by means of a rambling story soon sent his friend +asleep, his snuff-box lying by his side as usual. Owlglass then put the +box in his own pocket, and having waked the Priest, said, "There is +one thing weighs very heavily on my mind, for I have committed the mean +crime of theft, and I must beg of you to accept the stolen article." + +This the Priest refused to do, advising him to restore it to its real +owner; but Owlglass said, "He refuses to accept it." + +"Under those circumstances keep it, my Son, and I give you full +absolution for having committed the great sin of stealing." + +Owlglass then took the box out of his pocket, saying, "This is the box, +and it was from you I stole it; when urged by remorse I wished to make +restoration, but you refused to accept it, giving me full absolution." + +After this he left the confessional, and shortly after the town. + +[Illustration: _Owlglass takes the Priest's Snuff-box._] + + + + +XIII. + + _How a Bootmaker of Brunswick larded Owlglass's Boots; and how he + was paid for doing so._ + + +The weather having turned wet, Owlglass thought it well to have his +boots greased, that his feet might be kept dry during his frequent +wanderings; so, going to a bootmaker of the name of Christopher, in +the marketplace of Brunswick, he gave him the boots, and said, "Let +these be well larded, and have them ready by to-morrow morning." When +he had left the shop, the bootmaker's foreman said, "Master, that is +Owlglass, who plays every one some ugly trick or another, so be very +careful what you do, or your turn will have come." The Master asked, +"What did he tell us to do?" "He told you to lard his boots, meaning to +grease them," the Foreman answered; "and if I were you I would act up +to the letter of what he said; I should not grease them, but lard them +as one lards meat." "Well, we will do as he bids us," the Master said; +and cutting up a piece of bacon into small strips, he larded the boots +as if they were a joint of meat. Owlglass called the following morning +to ask whether the boots were ready; and the bootmaker, pointing to +them as they hung against the wall, answered, "Yes, there they are." +Owlglass, seeing his boots thus larded, burst out laughing, and said, +"Now you are the sort of tradesman I like, for you have conscientiously +done as I ordered; how much do I owe you?" "A shilling," was the +answer. As he paid the money, Owlglass said, "You are much too moderate +in your charges, but I shall not consider that with one miserable +shilling I have paid you. Rest assured, my good Friend, that I will +not forget you." Then taking his boots he departed, the Master and his +Foreman, looking after him, said, "He is the last man to whom such a +thing should have happened." And as they talked it over they chuckled +that the trickster, in his turn, had been tricked. Their merriment, +however, was of but short duration, for suddenly Owlglass's head and +shoulders appeared through the shop window, the glass flying in all +directions about the place. "Pray, my Friend," he said, "have the +goodness to tell me whether my boots are larded with sow's or boar's +bacon." When the bootmaker had recovered a little from his surprise, he +exclaimed, "Get out of that, you scoundrel, or you will have my last at +your head." "Do not be angry, my good Sir," Owlglass said, "for I only +wish to know what bacon that is with which you have larded my boots; +whether it is from a boar or a sow?" + +The bootmaker's rage increased, and he abused him in the vilest terms +for breaking his window; but Owlglass said coolly, "If you will not +tell me what bacon it is, I must go and ask some one else;" and drawing +back his head and shoulders, contriving at the same time to break the +windows still further, he disappeared. Then the bootmaker was in a rage +with his man, and said, "You gave me advice before; now advise me what +I am to do to make my window whole again. Pack yourself off at once, +and the wages due to you I shall apply to repairing the mischief your +wisdom has caused." + +[Illustration: _Owlglass returns with the Boots._] + + + + +XIV. + + _How Owlglass hires himself to a Tailor; and how well he executes + his Master's Orders._ + + +When Owlglass found his pockets empty, he hired himself to a Tailor, +who said to him, "Sew neatly, so that no one can see it, as a good +workman should do." So Owlglass took a needle and some pieces of cloth, +and having crept under the cutting board, with his face turned to the +wall, he laid the work across his knees and began to sew in the dark. +When the Master beheld this proceeding, he said, "What are you doing +there, my man? That is a most extraordinary way of working." Owlglass +answered, "Master, you told me to work so that no one could see it, and +as you yourself cannot see what I am doing, so can no one else see my +work, and therefore I am strictly executing your orders." The Tailor, +who was a quiet, easy man, then said, "That was not what I meant; come +out there, and sew in such a manner that every one may see how fine +your work is." Thus they went on for a matter of three days, when, +one evening, the Tailor, feeling sleepy, threw a half-finished rough +peasant's coat over to Owlglass, and said, "There, make up that wolf +for me, and then you can go to bed, as I am now going to do." You must +know, that that particular sort of coat was called a wolf. As soon as +the Tailor had left the workshop, Owlglass cut up the coat, and with +the pieces first made the head, and then the body and legs of a wolf. +He stood it up by means of sticks, and then went to bed. When, on the +following morning, the Master went into the shop, he started back in +a fright, but Owlglass just then coming in, he saw how it was, and +said, "What have you been doing here?" Owlglass answered, "I have made +a wolf, as you bid me." And the Tailor saying that he did not mean a +wolf of that sort, but the peasant's rough coat, he continued, "My dear +Master, I wish I had understood your meaning, for I would rather have +made a coat than a wolf." With this the Master was satisfied, and they +went on comfortably together for three or four days more, when one +evening he again felt sleepy; but thinking it too early for his man to +go to bed, he gave him a coat which was finished all but putting in +the sleeves, and said, "Whip the sleeves to this coat, and then you +can go to rest." Owlglass hung the coat up on a hook, and having laid +the sleeves near it, he lighted two candles, and, with a whip he then +made, whipped the sleeves all through the night. When the Tailor came +in, in the morning, he exclaimed, "What tomfoolery is this?" "It is no +tomfoolery," Owlglass answered, "I have done as you told me; but though +I have stood here all night whipping the sleeves, I could not get them +to stick to the coat. It would have been better you had let me go to +bed than make me waste my time in this way." "It is not my fault," the +Tailor said, "how could I know you understood it this way, when I meant +you to sew the sleeves into the coat?" Owlglass answered, "I wish you +would not say one thing when you mean another; but now you may do the +work, for I must go to bed." This the Tailor would no way agree to, so +they quarrelled; and Owlglass leaving him, went his way. + + + + +XV. + + _How Owlglass caused Three Tailors to fall from their Work-board, + and persuaded the People that the Wind had blown them down._ + + +Owlglass took a lodging at Bamberg, near to the market-place, where he +remained about a fortnight, and next door to him there lived a tailor +who had three workmen. These men sat on a board, supported by four +posts, outside the window, and they laughed at Owlglass, and threw +pieces of rag or cloth at him whenever he passed. Owlglass bore all in +silence, biding his time to pay them back with interest; and this he +determined should be on a fair day, when the market-place would be full +of people. The night before the day of the fair he had sawed the posts +nearly through which supported the board on which the three tailors +sat, and in the morning they placed the board on them as usual, seated +themselves on it and began their sewing. Now, when the swineherd +blew his horn all the people let out their pigs, and the tailor's +pigs also came out of his house, and went, as Owlglass well knew they +would, under the board, rubbing themselves against the posts, which, +giving way, the three journeymen tailors were thrown into the gutter. +Owlglass, who had been on the watch, now cried out, "See how light +three tailors are, for a gust of wind has blown them all at once into +the street, as if they were but three feathers! How easily a tailor can +fly!" And this he cried so loud that he could be heard all over the +marketplace. All the people came running to the spot to see the fun, +and mocked and laughed at the poor tailors, who knew not what to do for +very shame. They could not tell how it was their board fell; but they +found out at last, and guessed that it was Owlglass who had played them +that trick. They put up fresh posts, but did not again venture to make +game of Owlglass. + +[Illustration: _Downfall of the Tailors._] + + + + +XVI. + + _How Owlglass tells a Truth to a Smith, to his Wife, his Assistant, + and his Maidservant, for which he gets his Horse shod._ + + +Owlglass now being in funds, he rode about the country like a +gentleman, and one day came to a small town, where he saw a very neat +woman, with her servant maid, standing at the door of a smithy, and +judged her to be the smith's wife. He put up at an inn just opposite, +and during the night pulled the four shoes off his horse. On the +following morning he led his horse to the smithy; and as soon as it +was known that it was Owlglass, the wife and maidservant came out to +see what had brought him there. Owlglass asked the Smith whether he +would shoe his horse; to which he at once agreed, for he was glad of +an opportunity to have some talk with a man of whom he had heard so +much. After much talk on both sides, the Smith said, "If you will +tell me a truth that is really true, I will put one shoe on your horse +without any charge." To this Owlglass answered, "If you have iron and +coals, and there is plenty of wind in the bellows, the fault will be +yours if the forge does not go on well." "That is undoubtedly true," +said the Smith; and he gave him the promised horseshoe. The assistant, +as he was putting on the shoe, said that if he would tell him a truth +that applied to him, he would put another shoe on his horse. In answer, +Owlglass said, "A smith's assistant must work hard and not spare +himself if he expects to please his master." "That is true enough," +was the answer, and the horse had a second shoe. Then the wife and the +servant wanted a truth told them, for which each promised his horse a +shoe. Owlglass whispered his answer in the ear of each of these. To the +mistress he said, "When a servant apes her mistress's dress, she would +be mistress not only in dress alone." The Mistress marked his glances +as well as his words, and said, "That is true enough;" so there was a +third shoe for the horse. And to the maid he said, "When a servant is +better looking than her mistress, she will find it difficult to please +her in anything." The Maid said, "That I know to be true." So the horse +got its fourth shoe, and Owlglass rode further on his way. + +[Illustration: _Owlglass in the Smithy._] + +[Decoration] + + + + +XVII. + + _How Owlglass hired himself to a Merchant as Cook and Coachman._ + + +In the town of Windsheim there lived a rich merchant, who was walking +one day outside the town, when he saw Owlglass lying on the grass, and +stopping, he asked him what his calling was. Owlglass answered that he +was a cook; whereupon the Merchant said, "You are just the man I want, +that is, if you understand your business; for my wife is not at all +satisfied with her present cook, and we have some of the first people +of the town to dine with us to-morrow, to whom we would like to give +a good dinner." Owlglass said that he would serve him faithfully, and +that he felt confident of giving satisfaction; so the merchant engaged +him, stipulating that he should also serve as coachman, and took him +home with him at once. As soon as the merchant's wife saw Owlglass, +she said, "Who is this fellow whom you have brought home with you, for +I do not like the look of him at all?" Her husband answered, "Never +mind his look, my Dear, for he is a first-rate cook, and we will serve +up a dinner to-morrow that shall be the envy of the whole town." Early +the next morning the Merchant gave Owlglass full instructions as to +the dinner, telling him what soup, meat, and vegetables to get, and +how he liked everything done. "As for game," he added, "Professor +Guzzle is particularly fond of roast hare, so we cannot do better +than let him have his favourite puss; but, mind, let it be the finest +that can be got in the whole town." Owlglass promised that all his +instructions should be strictly attended to; and the Merchant, having +business of importance to attend to, went out in easy confidence in +his new servant. The Merchant got home only just in time to receive +his guests, so that he could not visit the kitchen before dinner, and +his wife was too fine a lady to attend to such matters. However, the +dinner went off very well, and the hare, in particular, was declared +to be the finest that had been seen that year; so that all the company +were in high spirits. At dessert the conversation turned upon cats; +and one of the ladies, addressing the mistress of the house, said she +had heard that she had the finest one in the whole town. The Merchant's +wife was very proud of her cat, and gave orders that it should be +brought into the room; but it could not be found anywhere; and now the +servants remembered that they had not seen it since the morning, when +one of them saw Owlglass carry it from the kitchen to an outhouse. +Owlglass was now sent for into the dining-room, before all the guests, +and questioned as to what had become of the cat. Without being in the +slightest degree disconcerted, he said his master had told him that +Professor Guzzle was very fond of roast hare, and that they could not +do better than let him have his favourite puss, and therefore he, +Owlglass, was to be sure and get the very finest in the town; that he +had searched the whole town through, but there were none to compare to +the one in the house, and he was sure his master would not begrudge it +his guests; therefore he had killed and roasted it, and the company +had just eaten it. Horror was depicted upon most of the countenances, +whilst one or two of the guests tried to joke about it; but these the +very first showed symptoms of distress, and one after another of the +company had to leave the room pale as death, and not one returned. +The mistress insisted upon Owlglass being at once sent away; but +the Merchant said, "I want him to drive me and the priest to Goslar +to-morrow, and when we get back I will immediately send him about his +business." That evening he told Owlglass to get the carriage ready for +the morrow, and to grease it well. As soon as all had gone to bed, +Owlglass took some cart grease and greased the carriage outside and in, +but particularly the seats. Early the next morning the Merchant ordered +the horses to be put to the carriage, and he and the priest getting in, +they drove off in high spirits. They had not gone far, however, when +they found they were gradually slipping off the seats; and the Priest +exclaimed, "What is all this grease? I held on with my hands to check +the jolting, and I am all grease." They ordered Owlglass to stop, and +they found they were covered with grease; so that they had to buy a +bundle of straw from a farmer and rub themselves and the carriage +well. The Merchant had now lost all patience, and he cried out to +Owlglass, "I find out now that you are a professed wag, and of the +most mischievous class; but you are in the right road, go on, my good +Friend, straight to the gallows, and there your journey will be at an +end." Owlglass did as he was bid, for, turning off the road, he drove +straight to a gallows which stood at no great distance, and stopping +there began to take the horses out of the carriage. "What are you doing +now, you rascal?" the Merchant exclaimed. Owlglass answered, "You told +me to go straight to the gallows, and that there my journey would be at +an end, so I naturally thought that we were to stop here." The Merchant +looked out of the carriage, and seeing that they were indeed under the +gallows, could not help laughing. He said, "You have delayed us so +long on the road with your foolery that I am afraid we shall not reach +Goslar in time for our business, so now, my good Fellow, I pray you +get on as fast as you can. Do not look behind you, but mind only the +road before you." Owlglass now again mounted his horse, having first +loosened the pin connecting the front wheels, and set off as fast as +the horses could gallop. He had not gone far when the pin fell out; +but, without looking behind him, he galloped on, carrying off the pole +and front wheels, and leaving the body of the carriage far behind. In +vain the Priest and Merchant shouted to him to stop. On he went; so +they had to jump out of the carriage, and by scrambling through hedges +and running across fields they were, fortunately, able to overtake +him. Complaint was useless; and as they found they could not now reach +Goslar in time, even if their coachman could be trusted to take them +there, they determined upon returning home. The homeward journey was +accomplished without any further accident; and when the Merchant found +himself safe in his own house, he called Owlglass to him and said, "It +is but too evident that all the mischief you have done since you have +been with me has been done purposely. What have you to say to this?" +Owlglass answered, "I do everything strictly to the letter, as I am +told, and if I do wrong, the fault is therefore not mine, but the fault +of those who give the orders. You do not seem satisfied, so, if you pay +me my wages, I would rather look for justice elsewhere." The Merchant +thinking it better to avoid further, and perhaps worse, mischief by +getting rid of him at once, paid him, and they parted. + +[Illustration: _Owlglass's "skilful" Coachmanship._] + +[Decoration] + + + + +XVIII. + + _How Owlglass cheated a Horse-dealer at Wismar, and afterwards + cheated the Public._ + + +Owlglass next went to Wismar, a town much frequented by horse-dealers, +and one of these had a habit of pulling the tail of any horse he +thought of buying. This he did from a notion that, if the hair were +firm in the tail, the horse was strong, and would live long; but if, on +the contrary, the hair came out freely, that the animal would not last +long, and he would therefore have nothing to do with it. Owlglass knew +of this habit, and determined to make some profit of it, so he bought a +horse without a tail, which he got very cheap on that account, and most +artfully he fastened a beautifully flowing tail to the bare stump, by +means of blood and gum. With this horse he went to Wismar, and asked so +high a price that no one would bid for it, until the dealer came whose +habit it was to pull the horses' tails, and him he asked a very low +price. Before striking a bargain, the Horse-dealer, as usual, caught +hold of the tail, and having formed a favourable opinion of the animal, +gave it, perhaps, a harder tug than customary, when, lo and behold, the +tail remained in his hands, and he measured his length upon the ground. +A shout of laughter arose on all sides; but that was not enough for +Owlglass, who cried out, at the highest pitch of his voice, "See here! +the villain has ruined my horse, for, beautiful creature that it is, +who would have it without a tail?" The people drew nearer and took part +with Owlglass, so that the Horse-dealer had to pay him ten pounds for +the damage done to his horse, and Owlglass laughed more heartily than +any one, though only to himself. + +He rode out of Wismar in high spirits, his trick having succeeded so +well; and as soon as he was outside the town he fastened the tail +on again, intending to sell the horse in the next town. As he rode +along, however, he thought of some other way how to make money by his +horse, before finally parting with it. In pursuance of the plan he had +formed, he stopped at an inn two or three miles distant from the town, +where he intended to put his plan into execution. Here he remained till +it had grown dark, so that he might enter the town unseen; which having +done, he hired a stable, and having put up his horse, and attended to +it himself, he locked the stable-door, putting the key in his pocket. + +The next morning he had it cried through the town that there was a +horse to be shown with its tail where its head should be, stating a +certain hour at which only it could be seen. Before the appointed time +he made all necessary preparations in the stable, when he again locked +the door and then stood before it, waiting the arrival of the curious. +Now, as curiosity was pretty general in the town, there was a numerous +attendance; and when Owlglass judged that all the company to be +expected had arrived, he collected the admission price from each, and +then threw the door open. + +There was a general rush, followed by laughter from some, and indignant +complaints from others, as they saw the horse, no different in itself +to other horses, but fastened with its tail to the manger instead of +its head. + +[Illustration: _The Horse's Tail where his Head should be._] + + + + +XIX. + + _How Owlglass sowed Rogues._ + + +We next meet with Owlglass in a town where he remained so long that he +knew all the secrets of the place. By turns he took up his abode in +twelve different inns, so that what had escaped him in one he was sure +to hear in another, and it was little good he heard in either. For a +long while he puzzled his brain what he could best do to suit the good +people among whom he had the honour of living, when, at length, he hit +upon a novel fancy, and, going into the market-place, he began sowing, +up and down, sideways and crossways, the seed being represented by +small pebbles. The people came in crowds, and to their questions what +he was sowing, answered that he was sowing rogues. The people cried +out, "Those are not wanted here, for we have more than enough of them; +and, pray, why do you not sow honest men as well?" He answered, "Those +will not grow here." These words were reported to the Town Council, +who had him called before them, and ordered him to pick up his seed +again, and then leave the town. His seed he could not well pick up; +but he left the town, and after travelling about ten miles, came to +another. Here, however, the report of his wonderful seed had reached +before him, so that he was not allowed to stop there, but had to pass +through as quickly as possible. There was no help for it, so, escorted +by the town authorities, he went down to the side of a river, which +flowed through the town, and there hired a boat to carry him and his +seed. He jumped into the boat, but when the boatman raised his bag to +lift that in, it burst and all the seed fell out. Owlglass pushed off +the boat, crying out to the astonished spectators that he left them +his seed, for he was sure that in such a highly virtuous town a few +rogues were required to keep up a proper balance; and when he reached +the opposite side, leaving the boat to the mercy of the stream, he ran +on his way. Whether the seed took root or not is not said; but to judge +by the quantity of rogues in the world, it would seem it did, and that +Owlglass sowed some of the same sort in other parts of the world. + +[Illustration: _Owlglass sowing Rogues._] + + + + +XX. + + _How Owlglass hired himself to a Barber, and entered his House + through the Window._ + + +Once upon a time Owlglass went to the city of Hamburg, and having +reached the market-place he there stood still and looked about him. +Whilst he was standing there a man came up to him and asked what he was +looking out for. Owlglass saw at once, by his questioner's appearance, +what business he followed, answered that he was a barber and was +seeking employment. "Well met then," his new acquaintance said, "for I +just happen to be in want of a barber's assistant, and I dare say we +shall be able to come to a satisfactory arrangement together. I live +in that high house just opposite. You see those windows that reach +down to the ground. Go in there, and I will follow you presently." +Owlglass answered, "Yes." Then crossing the road walked straight +through the window, with a terrific crash, and made a polite bow to +those within the room. The barber's wife sat there spinning, and, being +much frightened, cried out for help, saying, "Here is a madman come +through the window." Owlglass said to her, "My good Lady, pray be not +angry, for the master bid me come in here, having just hired me as his +assistant." "May the foul fiend take you," the lady answered, for she +was not possessed of the most even temper, "a pretty assistant you +are. Was the door not wide enough for you, that you must needs come in +through the window?" Owlglass answered, "My dear Madam, must not an +assistant do as his master bids him?" Just then the Barber entered, +and seeing all the destruction around him, exclaimed, "What does all +this mean?" Owlglass addressed him thus, "You said to me, you see those +windows that reach down to the ground--go in there, and I will follow +you presently. Now this good lady is angry that I have broken the +window, but how could I help doing so, as it was not open? It seems to +me that I have the most reason to complain, for I might have cut myself +to pieces in doing what I was told to do; but I hope whatever may be +the danger I shall never shrink from doing my duty. Now, excuse me to +the lady I beseech you, my dear Master, for you see I could not avoid +causing the mischief that has happened." + +[Illustration: _Owlglass walks through the Barber's Window._] + +The poor Barber knew not what to say, so thought he might as well not +say anything; besides, he wanted his assistance, and was in hopes he +might be induced to accept more reasonable terms in consideration of +the damage he had done. He now gave Owlglass some razors to sharpen, +and as they were somewhat rusty at the backs, he said, "Brighten up +the backs; indeed, make them quite like the edge." Owlglass took the +razors and made the backs as sharp as the edges, so that the Barber, +when he went to see what he was doing, exclaimed, "This is not right!" +"How not right?" Owlglass said; "are the backs not sharp enough? But +have a little patience and they shall be quite like the edges, as you +told me to make them. You see they had got very blunt at the backs, but +after a little more sharpening you will be satisfied with them." "Are +you an idiot?" the Master cried in a rage; "or is all this mischief +done intentionally? Leave the sharpening and pack yourself off back to +where you came from." "Well," Owlglass said, "I see we should not be +happy together for all our lives, so I may as well go at once;" and he +walked out through the window as he had gone in. The Barber was still +more enraged at this, and ran after him to have him seized and locked +up till he paid for the broken window; but Owlglass was too quick for +him, reached a ship that was just about to sail, and was off. + +[Decoration] + + + + +XXI. + + _How Owlglass frightened an Innkeeper at Eisleben with a dead Wolf._ + + +In the depth of winter Owlglass put up at an inn at Eisleben, where +one evening there also arrived three merchants from Saxony on their +way to Nurenberg. They related how they had been attacked by a wolf, +against which they had much difficulty in defending themselves, and +that this disagreeable adventure had considerably delayed them. The +host, who was a bragging sarcastic sort of a person, joked them much +about their adventure, declaring that it was a shame they should allow +themselves to be delayed by a miserable wolf; that, for his part, if +he were attacked by two wolves, he would soon drive them off, but here +three were frightened by one wolf. This continued all the evening +till the merchants went to bed, Owlglass in the mean time remaining +silent, but turning it over in his mind how he could best play mine +host some trick to pay him off for his bragging. The merchants and +Owlglass shared the same bed-room; and when the former discussed among +themselves how they could repay the mocking of the Innkeeper, Owlglass +said he had been thinking it over, and that if they would leave it +to him he would engage that they should hear no more about the wolf. +The merchants readily agreed, promising a handsome reward if he paid +their tormentor off well; and Owlglass then proposed that they should +continue their journey, and all meet again there on their return. Early +the next morning the merchants paid the reckoning for Owlglass, as well +as for themselves, and rode on their way, mine host calling after them +to beware lest a wolf should cross their path. Owlglass also took his +departure and went on the chase after a wolf. He succeeded in killing +one, which he left out in the cold till it was frozen quite stiff, and +when the merchants returned he put his prize in a sack, and, taking it +with him, joined them at the inn as agreed upon. The Innkeeper again +teased his guests about the wolf, talking very big of how he would +act. When the merchants went to their bed-room Owlglass joined them, +and said, "My good Friends, keep your candle burning, and do not go +to bed yet, for we will have some sport this night." Now, as soon as +all the household had gone to bed, Owlglass fetched the dead wolf, +which was hard frozen, and taking it to the kitchen placed it near the +hearth, supporting it with sticks so that it stood upright, at the same +time opening its jaws in which he put a child's shoe. Then, quietly +returning to his room, he called loudly for something to drink. When +the Innkeeper heard this he grumbled at being disturbed, and calling +up the maid told her to get some beer for his guests. The maid went to +the fire in the kitchen to light a candle, and seeing the wolf with its +jaws wide open, rushed out into the yard, thinking the brute had surely +devoured the children. Owlglass and the merchants continued to call for +drink, and the Innkeeper, thinking the maid had gone to sleep again, +called the man. He went to the fire to light a candle, and when he saw +the wolf, thought it had made away with the maid, so he too ran out +into the yard. The shouting for drink still continuing, the Innkeeper +thought the man must be asleep as well as the maid, and, grumbling +like a bear, he himself got up. As soon as he had lighted a candle he +saw the wolf with the shoe in its jaws, and running to the merchant's +room, trembling with terror, cried out, "Come and help me, my dear +Friends, for there is a frightful monster in the kitchen, which has +devoured my children, maid, and man servant." They went with him; the +girl and the man came from the yard, and the wife brought the children. +All were alive. Owlglass then went up to the wolf, which he turned over +with his foot, and it did not stir; then turning to the Innkeeper, +said, "What an arrant coward you are! It is not long ago that you +said you were ready to fight two wolves, and just now you ran away, +trembling and shouting, from a dead one." The Merchants made rare fun +of mine host, and the next morning, after paying the bill, took their +departure with Owlglass. + +[Illustration: _The Frightful Monster._] + + + + +XXII. + + _The Grateful Animals._ + + +A good many years ago some boys in a village were having rare sport +with a mouse which they had quite surrounded, so that the poor little +thing could nowhere escape, for to which ever side it turned, a heavy +shoe, or a stick, threatened it with instant death. The poor animal +thought this no sport at all, but the boys shouted with laughter as +they saw it scamper and jump to avoid the blows aimed at it. Activity +alone saved it from its tormentors; but this was beginning to fail, +when, fortunately, a man came that way. + +This man had more kindness in his heart than money in his pockets; but +with this he had one great fault, for he was somewhat restless and +fickle-minded, which, however, on this occasion proved fortunate for +the poor little mouse, and eventually so for himself. His restless +disposition had driven him to travel, poor as he was, and thus he came +to the village, where witnessing the little creature's distress he +released it, by giving the boys a few half-pence, and it instantly took +refuge in a hole close by. + +In his wanderings he came to another village where he saw a crowd of +boys, and, I am sorry to say, there were girls as well, tormenting an +inoffensive donkey, which he saved from further molestation by again +parting with a little of his scanty stock of money. + +Further on he reached another village, where he released a bear from +like persecution by giving more money. + +Not long after these adventures this good man himself got into trouble, +and was condemned by a cruel judge to be put into a box with only a jug +of water and one loaf of bread, and thus thrown into the river, though +I assure you he was quite innocent. + +You may imagine his distress, for he was not very comfortable in his +box, nor could he see where he was being carried to, when all at once +he felt the box grating against the ground, and then heard a nibbling +at the lock, which, after awhile, gave way, and when he raised the lid +was delighted to see his three friends, the Mouse, the Ass, and the +Bear, who now helped him in return for his kindness to them. + +[Illustration: _Friends in Grave Consultation._] + +They were not satisfied with merely saving his life, for they knew that +he was poor, and had, moreover, spent some of his money to save them; +so they were consulting together what they could do for him, when the +bear espied a white stone come floating along. "Nothing could happen +more fortunate," the Bear cried, "for here comes the lucky stone, and +whoever has that will have all his wishes fulfilled on the instant." + +The man, hearing this, seized the stone as it was passing, and wished +himself in a palace with every comfort and luxury, surrounded by +beautiful grounds; and the next instant all was as he had wished. Now, +dazzled by so much splendour, and happy beyond anything he had ever +dreamt of, he forgot his friends, the Mouse, the Ass, and the Bear, +though, I have no doubt, he would have thought of them sooner or later +and wished them with him; but before this fault was remedied misfortune +came upon him. + +It so happened that some merchants passed that way, and seeing a +magnificent palace, where before there had only been barren land, +they were seized with wonder and curiosity, so they went in and asked +the owner how he had worked such a truly wonderful change. "I had only +to wish for it," was the answer. They marvelled at this, as well they +might; and being told that it was by means of the lucky stone his wish +had been fulfilled, they offered all their merchandize for the stone. + +Our friend, whose head, it must be confessed, was not as good as his +heart, seeing so many beautiful things, agreed to the bargain at once, +without thinking that he need only wish and he could have all those and +more beautiful things. He gave the merchants the stone; and it was no +sooner out of his hands than he found himself in his former position, +which was rendered worse when he compared all the splendour and comfort +he had lost to his ugly comfortless box, with only a jug of water and +one loaf. + +His friends, however, did not desert him in his distress, but this time +they could not open the box; and, after consulting, the Bear said, "I +see we cannot do any good without the lucky stone, so let us go to the +palace where the merchants now live and try to get it." This was agreed +upon; and when they got there they held another council. The bear seems +to have had the wisest head, for he was again spokesman, and said, "It +is useless for us to expect to be let in here; but you, my friend Mrs. +Mouse, you can creep through anywhere--see, there is just a little hole +at the bottom of the door. Go in, and, as only one of the merchants is +now at home, worry him in every possible way, for you can always manage +to escape; and when you have worked him into a perfect fury lead him +here to the door, and no doubt he will open it to rush out after you. +Then we two will go in and easily master him between us. Only you take +care to find out where he keeps the stone." + +The mouse got through the hole in the door without difficulty; and, +after finding out where the stone was, went in search of the merchant, +whom she found in bed. She crept in at the bottom and began nibbling +at his toes. The merchant jumped up in a fright, but when he saw the +mouse his fright turned to rage, and he made a snatch at it; but the +little thing was too quick for him: and now began a chase all round +the bed-room, round every table and chair, and into every corner of the +next room, and, finally, into the hall, where, jumping up and biting +him in the calf of the leg, in order to exasperate him still more, she +slipped through the hole she had got in at. + +[Illustration: _The Merchant's Rough Handling._] + +The merchant threw open the door, and the bear, who was ready, greeted +him with the closest embrace. They rolled down together, but the bear +soon hugged all the breath out of him, and leaving him in charge of +the donkey went with the mouse to fetch the stone. No sooner had they +this in their possession than the three went off, regardless of the +confusion they left behind them. + +They soon reached the water-side; but the box was floating in deep +water, and the Donkey said, in despair-- + +"We shall never get at it." + +The Bear, however, cried, "Nonsense, leave that to me, I can swim well +enough, so you, Donkey, just put your fore-feet round my neck, and take +the stone in your mouth, but mind you don't swallow it; and you, my +little Friend, can make yourself snug somewhere in my long hair." + +All being satisfactorily arranged, off they set, but were destined to +meet with a misfortune on their voyage; for the bear, who was rather +fond of hearing himself talk, could not refrain from expatiating on the +past adventure. + +"We managed that pretty well, I flatter myself. What is your opinion, +my long-eared Friend?" And as the donkey made no answer he continued-- + +"How is this? I was always taught that a civil question deserves a +civil answer; but this does not seem to enter into your notions of +politeness. Who taught you manners, my Friend?" + +The donkey could stand it no longer, but opened his mouth, and out fell +the stone "plop" into the water. + +"There, you see what comes of your talking. Could you not wait till our +work was finished? How could I open my mouth without losing the stone? +And now it is gone, and with it all hope of helping our friend." + +"Well, well, my good Fellow," the Bear interrupted him, for he was not +anxious to hear any more, as he felt himself in the wrong, "a moment's +action is better than an hour's regret. I have a bright idea that will +put all right again. Let us go back, and I'll set about it at once." + +On the way back the bear called up all the frogs that were in those +parts, and said to them, "Fetch me up as many stones as possible from +the bottom of the water, for I have an idea of building you a place of +refuge in case of danger." + +A loud croaking was immediately heard, which called the frogs from all +parts; and they set about collecting stones without loss of time. + +It was not long before the lucky stone was added to the heap, which +the bear immediately seized; and telling the frogs that there were now +stones enough, the three friends started off again. + +They soon reached the box, which now opened without difficulty, and +the poor prisoner was relieved; but only just in time, for the loaf of +bread was consumed, and he began to suffer from want. + +As soon as he had the stone in his hand he wished himself back in the +palace, which he found just as he had left it. This time he did not +forget his friends, and they lived happily together to the end of their +days. + +Now, does not this story prove that an act of kindness meets with its +reward, and that the ungrateful are worse than the brute beasts, for +our three good animals effectually showed their gratitude? + +[Decoration] + + + + +XXIII. + + _Tim Jarvis._ + + +Tim Jarvis was as decent and hardworking a man as any one could wish +to know, till the evil spirit got astride his imagination. Tim was not +only a decent, hardworking man, but recollected his early lessons, that +the evil one should be resisted with might and main. + +Nor was it during the day that the enemy, at first, attempted to gain +any advantage; but it was at night that he mainly worked upon his mind +by means of dreams. + +Night after night he dreamed of treasures of gold and precious stones +that were to be found, first in one place and then in another, till it +grew too much for him, and his waking hours were scarcely different +to dreaming. He was now found digging anywhere but in his garden or +potatoe field; and indeed his dreams led him all the way from Ireland +to London-bridge, with his spade across his shoulder. + +Now, when poor Tim was on London-bridge he felt himself more puzzled +than ever he had been in his life; he was quite bewildered by the +confusion and noise, and being pushed from one side to another; but +after a while he began to recover himself; and as he walked up and +down, first on one side and then on the other, he tried the ground +with his spade, but quite accidentally like, or as if it were a +walking-stick, for he was wide awake. + +"For sure," he said to himself, "I'm not going to let so many people +suspect what treasure is lying under their feet." + +He was encouraged by the hollowness of the sound; but then again his +spirits sank, for he found no spot where his spade could make the +slightest impression, nay, he doubted whether he could stick a pin in +anywhere, so hard were the stones. + +When it had grown dark, and the bridge was still crowded, he began to +fear that all the people were there for the same purpose as himself; +but he was determined that he would tire them out; and indeed the +numbers did gradually decrease. + +St. Paul's had just struck twelve, when a stranger, stopping just in +front of our friend, said-- + +"Well, Tim, you have come a long way, but you might have done better +nearer home. You know, Tim, the lane that runs at the back of your +cabin, and you know the old wall, for I've seen you digging under that +many a night. Well, Tim, you were in the right road, but too near home. +I've seen you turn sharp round that wall, and, crossing the big bog, +look longingly at the heap of stones behind the furze-bush in Terry +O'Toole's field." + +"Yes," sighed Tim; "but it would have been more than my life was worth +to dig there, for though Terry knows well that his whole field is +nothing but ugly stones, he would murther man, woman, or child who +stuck a spade in any part of the ground--the big baste." + +"True for you, Tim," the stranger said, "but the gold is there." After +these words the stranger was gone as suddenly as he had appeared, and +poor Tim was left, more puzzled than ever. + +"May be," he said to himself, "its desaiving me he is, that he may have +the digging of Lunnon-bridge all to hisself, but then sorrow a spadeful +of earth could any one throw up here, in all his life. No, it was to +meet the sthrainger that I came all the way here without knowing it, so +now I'll go back to ould Ireland." + +Tim did go back, and, after selling his potatoe-field, bought the waste +bit of land, which O'Toole was pleased to call a field. + +What did Tim care, when all the neighbours called him mad, or even when +his wife threatened him because he sold the bed from under her to buy +a new spade and pick, for he knew it was troublesome ground he had to +work in, and no mistake. + +When night came, after he had all ready, Tim went to his new property, +and, hard as the work was, did not rest till the first grey of morning +began to appear. Just then, through a crack in the ground, he thought +he heard voices below. He listened, scarcely drawing his breath, when +all the breath was frightened out of him, for he plainly heard-- + +"We'll give Tim a nice dance when he comes for our gold." + +When he had recovered himself a bit, he scrambled out of the hole as +fast as possible, and went home, where he met with no over-pleasant +reception from his wife. + +A strange day that was which Tim spent, divided between rejoicing +and trembling, for he knew now for certain that gold was there; but +he knew, too, that there were some sort of beings to be dealt with; +and what were those beings? His hair stood on end as he pictured some +frightful monsters to himself; but yet all must be risked to gain +possession of the gold, and he said, "It's mighty polite I'll be to the +gintlemen, and sure they won't harm a poor man." + +Over and over again he repeated what he should say to the "gintlemen," +and thus the day passed; the most anxious day of his life. He took care +to arm himself with more than natural courage, in the shape of a bottle +of potheen, of which he took a sup, and then another, and then a still +longer one, before he jumped into the hole. + +In the darkness, for night had come on, he plainly saw a light +shining through the crack in the ground, as the night before, so he +immediately set to work; and he had not thrown up many spades of earth, +when the ground gave way, and he sank down, he never knew how low, nor +could he ever recollect more than that he found himself surrounded by +the strangest little beings, who were all jabbering at once, and seemed +very angry. + +He remembered that he made them his best of bows, and gave them his +fairest words, when the tallest of them, stepping forward, addressed +Tim thus:-- + +"Tim, we see that you are a decent, well-spoken, and polite gentleman, +and in your case we will overlook our privacy being intruded on, which +you must look upon as a great favour." + +"And 'tis very much obleged that I am to your honer and the other +gintlemen, and sure 'tis I that will never forget it; but might I not +make so bold as to tell you that I am a poor man, and ask your honour +whether you could not help me with a thrifle?" + +There was a loud shout of laughter, and then the same little fellow +that had addressed him before, said, "Well, Tim, we have plenty of the +rubbish you all think so much of. There, take as much of the gold as +you can carry." + +Tim saw that the ground was covered with guineas, which he set to +picking up as fast as he could stow them away, and when he could not +find room for one more, he took both his hands full, sighing that he +must leave so many behind. + +Then the little people cried out, "Go home, Tim Jarvis; but shut your +eyes close, or some mischief will happen to you." + +He did as he was told, and felt himself whisked through the air quicker +than lightning. Some time after he knew that he no longer moved, he +ventured to open his eyes, for he felt a mighty tugging at his hair. +He found himself by the side of the hole he had been digging, and his +wife, who had grown tired of his strange ways of late, was shaking him +rather roughly. + +[Illustration: _Tim Jarvis and his Wife._] + +"Lave the breath in me," he cried, "and I will fill your apron with +golden guineas." He put his hand in his pocket, but only pulled out a +few yellow furze-blossoms. When he saw this Tim was quite dejected, +and did not venture to answer a word to his wife's reproaches, but +allowed himself to be led home. + +From that night he left off dreaming; and taking again to his +industrious, hardworking habits, soon made up for his past neglect, and +was not only able to buy back his potatoe-field, but became a happy, +flourishing man. + +His wife used to say that it was only a dream about the little people +and the gold, for that certainly she had found him asleep; but Tim +shook his head. + +[Decoration] + + + + +XXIV. + + _The Shoemaker and the Dwarfs._ + + +Why do we read of so many shoemakers that were poor? Surely they must +have lived in Ireland; but, be that as it may, we have to tell of +another, who, though he was most anxious to fit all the world, could +find no customers, till at last he had nothing left but just leather +enough to make one pair of shoes. + +He had been running about all day, longingly looking at all the feet, +and wishing he might measure some one for this last pair of shoes, +but he returned, having only worn out his own. However, with all his +poverty, he had a light heart and a good wife, who was always ready +to cheer him; so he determined to make up the shoes in the very best +style, and, putting them in his window, trust to a purchaser. + +He cut them out, intending to begin his work early the next morning, +and went to bed, soon falling asleep. Imagine the good man's +astonishment when, on the following morning, he found the shoes already +made, and in such a manner that he could not take his eyes off them. + +He put them in his window, though he could hardly make up his mind to +part with them, and, half hoping to frighten purchasers away, he set +twice as high a price upon them as it had been his custom to charge. + +However, a customer was soon found; and though it was with regret he +parted with those master-pieces of work, yet, when he held so much +money in his hand, he was delighted, for not only could he buy leather +to make two pairs of shoes, but he could get his wife a few necessaries +she had been long obliged to dispense with. + +That evening he cut out two pairs of shoes, ready for the next morning, +when, on getting up, he found those finished, with workmanship no less +excellent than that of the night before. + +For these, also, customers were speedily found, at equally good +prices as the previous pair; and that night the Shoemaker cut out +four pairs of shoes, which he again found made to perfection the +following morning. Thus it went on, the work that was prepared at night +being finished by the morning, so that our good friend soon became a +flourishing man; but he and his wife remained as simple in their habits +as of old, preferring to spend what they could spare on their more +needy neighbours. + +Curiosity seems part of a woman's nature, and the Shoemaker's wife +certainly felt very curious to see who their friends were that did the +work so beautifully; so she proposed to her husband that they should +hide themselves, and, leaving a candle burning, watch for their nightly +visitors. + +They did so, and at midnight saw two Dwarfs come in, who immediately +set to at the work left for them, stitching and hammering away so +fast that the Shoemaker felt quite bewildered by their rapidity. Not +one moment did they stop, but worked on till all was finished, and +disappeared long before daylight. + +Now, if the Shoemaker's wife was curious, she was kind-hearted as well, +and was much grieved to see that such good, industrious little fellows +should be so neglected by their families and friends, for they had not +a stitch of clothes on, when it was winter too. Had they no wives or no +sisters to look after their comfort? And she proposed to make them a +decent suit of clothes each. + +The good man was delighted at the proposal; so she bought the stuff, +and gave herself but little rest till she had made them a coat, +waistcoat, and a pair of trowsers each, as near their shape and size as +she could guess. + +As soon as finished, the clothes were left for them instead of the +customary work, and the shoemaker and his wife again watched their +coming. + +About midnight they appeared; and when they found the clothes in place +of their usual work, they stood for a moment irresolute, and then took +up each article, examining it on all sides. They then began to try on +the things, not without making several mistakes, for one of the little +fellows had got his arms into the legs of the trowsers, whilst the +other was putting on the waistcoat over the coat. But at length they +were dressed; and having examined each other, and then themselves, they +were so delighted that they set to capering and dancing about the +room, and playing all manner of antics, jumping over the chairs and +tumbling over head and heels, till at last they danced out of the room +hand-in-hand. + +[Illustration: _The Dwarfs' Capers._] + +They did not appear again; but the Shoemaker continued to prosper, and +became a rich man; he and his wife being respected and loved by all who +knew them. + +[Decoration] + + + + +XXV. + + _The Countryman and the Jew._ + + +There was once a Farmer, a great miser, and he had a servant as simple +as he himself was close, for he had served his master, three years +without being offered any wages, or asking for any. + +After the three years, however, the man thought he would not work any +longer without pay, so he said to his master, "I have worked for you +diligently and faithfully, and hope you will now give me a fair reward +for my services." + +Knowing that his man was a great simpleton, the farmer gave +him three-pence, saying, "I not only reward you fairly, but +splendidly--here is a penny for each year; but, now that you are rich, +do not squander your money and get into idle habits." + +The poor fellow thought that he was rich indeed, so determined that he +would not work and slave any longer, but travel and enjoy himself. + +With his fortune in his purse, and his purse safely in his pocket, he +set out; and as he was going along, singing merrily, a little dwarf +came up and asked him why he was so merry. + +"Why should I not be merry," he answered, "for I am rich and have +nothing to do but to enjoy myself? I have worked hard for three years, +and saved all my earnings." + +"And how much might they be?" the little man asked. When told that the +amount was three-pence, he said he was very poor, and begged hard for +the money. The Countryman did not make him ask long, and cheerfully +gave him his three-pence, when the little fellow said-- + +"You have a kind, generous heart, and shall not suffer for your +liberality. You shall have three wishes, which shall be granted +you--one for each penny." + +The Countryman was highly rejoiced, and said, "Many thanks, my good +Friend, for your offer; and, first of all, I would like to have a gun +which will bring down everything that I shoot at; and, secondly, I +choose a fiddle, to which, when I play, every one must dance, whether +he will or no. These will satisfy me, so I will not trouble you with a +third wish at present." + +"Your wishes are soon granted," said the Dwarf, and gave him the +desired gun and fiddle; after which he went his way. + +Our friend was happy before, but now his happiness knew no bounds; and +he only wanted an opportunity to try his fiddle, for the gun he had +already tried several times as he walked along. + +The desired opportunity was not long wanting, for he soon met a Jew; +and just where they met stood a tree, on one of the branches of which +sat a plump wood-pigeon. + +"I wish I had that bird," said the Jew; "could you not shoot it for me, +my Friend?" + +"That is easily done," was the answer; and the same instant the bird +fell amongst some thorn-bushes at the foot of the tree. The Jew crept +in among the bushes to pick it up; and no sooner was he in the middle +than the Countryman took his fiddle and played the sprightliest of jigs. + +The first sound no sooner reached the Jew's ears than he began to +dance; and, as the tune went on, he jumped and capered higher and +higher, at every leap he took leaving a piece of his clothes hanging to +the thorns. The thorns soon began to enter his flesh, and, in pain, he +cried out-- + +"For heaven's sake, leave off playing! What have I done to deserve +this?" + +"What have you done?" said the Countryman. "How many a poor wretch have +you not ruined! And the duty to avenge them has fallen upon me, so I +will just play you another tune, and mind you dance well to it." + +The Jew then offered him money to give over; but, as his offer did not +rise high enough, he had to dance on till, in despair and worn out by +fatigue and pain, he said he would give a hundred pieces of gold, which +he had in his purse. As the purse was thrown down the Countryman's +heart was softened; so he gave over playing, took up the purse and went +his way, highly delighted with his day's work. + +[Illustration: _The Jew's Dance._] + +No sooner had he gone than the Jew crept out from among the thorns, +half naked, and his heart full of bitterness and revenge. The loss of +his money smarted even more intolerably than the wounds in his flesh, +and he hastened to the nearest judge, to whom he complained how he had +been robbed and ill-treated, giving a description of his tormentor. + +The judge could not refuse justice to the Jew; so he sent out his +officers, who soon caught the Countryman, and, brought back, he was put +upon his trial. + +The Jew's evidence, and the sorry plight he was in, were too convincing +to be got over, though the defence was that the money had been given of +his own account and not taken from him. + +The Countryman was condemned to be hanged. He was led off to the +gallows at once; but just as the rope was about to be put round his +neck he said-- + +"My Lord Judge, I cannot complain of the sentence passed upon me, since +my accuser swears that I robbed and ill-treated him, and I only ask to +have one favour granted me before I die." + +"Anything excepting your life," was the answer. + +"I do not ask my life, but only that you will order my fiddle to be +restored to me, and allow me to play once more upon it." + +"No! no! for heaven's sake, no!" cried the Jew. "Don't let him have +that infernal fiddle, my Lord, or misfortune will come upon the whole +of us." But the judge said his word had been given; so he ordered the +fiddle to be given to the prisoner. + +The Countryman no sooner had the instrument in his hands than he struck +up a dance, and at the very first note even the judge's feet began to +shuffle about as he sat in his chair, and as for the others they fairly +danced. + +In vain the Jew caught hold of the clerk's desk, for his legs flew out +on either side; and as the height of his capers was checked they only +became the more frequent. + +The judge's clerk, the officers of the court, the hangman, as well as +all the spectators, were dancing with all their might, and soon the +judge himself danced out of his chair into the midst of them. + +At first all seemed good humour and enjoyment, and no one, excepting +the Jew, wished to check the general merriment; but as it went on there +were no bounds to the capers, and there were cries of pain, as one +alighted on another's toes, and cuffs and blows were exchanged as one +jostled the other. + +The Jew, who had broken away from his hold of the desk, was the maddest +in his capers, and he shrieked for mercy; the others soon joining in +the cry, begged the player to leave off, but he fiddled away faster and +faster till the judge promised him a free pardon. + +The Countryman said, "I already once earned the hundred pieces of gold, +and I deserve them now again for the dance I have played; so pray, my +Lord, order the money to be restored to me, or I must think that you +are not yet satisfied." + +The judge then said the money should be given him; but the Countryman, +without leaving off playing, addressed all the other dancers thus, "You +all hear how handsomely his Lordship rewards me, and I expect that each +of you will show your gratitude, for the amusement I have afforded you, +by a present; each according to his means." + +So anxious were all to put an end to the dance that every one offered +what he could afford, but the Countryman said, "I did not hear the +Jew's voice. Now, of him I have to request a full confession of how +he came by the hundred pieces of gold; and till he has made this +confession I must trouble you all to continue the dance." + +All threatened the Jew with instant death if he did not confess; so the +rogue was forced to condemn himself by confessing that he stole the +hundred pieces of gold; for which he was punished with as many stripes, +when the dance was over. + +[Decoration] + + + + +XXVI. + + _My Watch._ + + +I must tell you my story myself, that is the story of my watch, and bad +luck to it, for it was small comfort to me; and what have I now left of +it, but to tell the trouble it brought upon me? + +One day of the year eighteen hundred and thirty-three, Tim Looney, the +parish schoolmaster, a mighty learned man, from whom I got my learning, +went up to Dublin, to get his lease renewed with 'Squire Beamish, who +is now dead and gone, rest his soul. Well, as I was saying, Tim Looney +went up to Dublin, and had just come back, when of course all the +neighbours came to hear the news from the big city, and Molly Mahone, +as you can imagine, thrust herself before them all, saying-- + +"Come, you auld pictur card, when are you goin' to tell us the news? +What is the good of you, you auld worm, if you canna even speak?" + +You know Moll is rather hasty. + +"Och, and it's more wonders I have to tell than one of you will +believe. I saw the great Boneparte riding on a flea, and the Dook of +Wellington by his side, quite friendly like." "And was Boneparte a very +big man?" said I. + +"I don't know," said Tim; "I've heard say he was a little man, but they +call him the great Boneparte for all that." + +"He was a great man," said Moll to me, "just as you are a great fool, +so hauld yer tongue, will ye, and let Tim go on." + +Tim did go on, and told us many other great wonders; but it's of +myself I want to speak. Well, then, after Tim had told us all he had +seen, he gave me such a fine large silver watch, and a thirty shilling +note, which my sister, Biddy, had sent from Merica, for me to buy a +new fiddle with, for she had heard that I was great in music. I put +the watch in my pocket to keep it safe, and then I examined the note +all over, thinking all the while how beautiful I would play on my new +fiddle; but Tim soon stopped me by asking me what o'clock it was. + +After looking at the sun, which he himself had taught me, I told him it +must be about two; when he said, "And why can't you look at the watch, +and tell me the exact minute it is?" + +I didn't look at my watch, for I thought it was making game of me he +was, but I said, "And how should she tell me the time of day? Can she +speak?" + +"You are a big fool, Paul," he said; "look at her face, and see where +her hands point to." That she should be able to tell me the time, and +have a face and hands, with which she points, was too much, so I burst +out laughing, but I took her out of my pocket. + +"There," Tim said, "don't you see something sticking out on her face? +Those are her hands, and you see they point to numbers; but may be it's +your numbers you don't know, after all my teaching." + +This provoked me, so I looked at what he called her face, and saw the +numbers, sure enough, and the things he called the hands too. "Well," +Tim went on, "and what number does the short hand point to?" "None," +said I, "for it points just half way between the two and the three." +"Then the long hand points to six, and it's half-past two it is," +Tim said. "And how does all this happen?" I asked, for I was sorely +puzzled, Tim knowing too where the long hand pointed, without my +telling him. + +"Put her up to your ear," he said, "and she will tell you how she +works." + +I did as I was told, and heard her go "tick-a-tick, tick-a-tick." As I +listened to her a mighty fear came over me, and I flung her from me, +crying out, "The crittur does talk some unnatural language, and perhaps +she'll bite too." + +Tim caught her, and exclaimed, "What a fool you are, Paul!" for he was +now quite angry; "if I had not caught her she would have been done for +entirely." After he had held her some time in his hands, seeing there +was no harm in her, I took her again and went home. I was half afraid +of her, so did not look at her again till night, when the big varmint, +Pat Molloy, came in, shouting fit to frighten the life out of one. + +"Is it a watch I hear you've got, Paul?" + +"Those ugly long ears of yours heard right," I answered, for I did not +much like Pat. "And may be then you'll be after telling one the time +it is." With that I pulled out the watch, and looked at her; but I had +clean forgotten what Tim had told me, though I recollected something +about her hands pointing to a number, so seeing something pointing to +seven, I said at once, "It's near seven o'clock," for I did not like to +be looking too long, to be laughed at by that fellow. + +"And it's near seven, it is," Pat said. "You're a fine fellow to have +a watch. It's a turnip you might as well have in your pocket, for +it's long past eight, it is." The pride of the O'Moors and of the +O'Doughertys was taken out of me entirely quite by that rascal, for I +felt it rush from the soles of my feet into my head, but I wouldn't get +into a passion, for him to see that I was in the wrong, so I said, "And +if you know the time so well, why do you ask me?" + +Pat only burst into a hoarse laugh, and ran out of the cabin to tell +every one, he could show his ugly face to. I went to bed to drown my +troubles, but it was one long night-mare I had; first the watch and +then the fiddle dancing on my chest, grinning at me all the while, with +Pat Molloy looking on. + +My first thought on waking in the morning was my watch, and looking up +to her, for I had hung her on a nail, as I had been told, I said, "Good +morning to you, how are you this morning, my dear?" for I thought it +best to be civil to her, but no answer did she make me. I spoke to her +again, and as she was still silent I took her down from the nail and +held her to my ear. + +"Och, it's dead she is," I cried, as she still gave no signs of life, +and I rushed across to Tim's. I knocked at his window, shouting, +"Are you awake?" "No," he said; "why should I be awake at this time +o'morning?" + +"Then," said I, "you must listen to me in your sleep, for it's dead +she is, and what will I do at all?" "I hope she had the benefit of the +Clergy," Tim cried, starting up and coming to the window. "It's not +that I mean, it's not my mother at all, it's the watch that's dead," I +explained. + +"Leave me in peace then," he said, going back to his bed; but as I +would not leave him in peace, but kept crying out, "What will I do?" he +growled, "Wind her up, you fool; she's not dead at all; but give her +here, and the key, or it's ruin her you will." + +So I gave him the watch and the barn-door key, which I happened to have +in my pocket. It was well for me that I turned my head on one side, as +I thought I heard some one coming, for just then the key came whizzing +past my ear. + +"I wish it had broken your lubberly head," Tim cried, in the biggest +rage I ever saw him. "It's the little key I want; the one with the bit +of red tape I gave you yesterday." + +I fortunately found the funny little thing in my pocket, but it was not +a bit like a key. As soon as I gave it him he twisted and twirled it +about in her, till I heard her cry, and then he said-- + +"There, take her away, for she is all right again, and mind you don't +let me see you for a whole week, or surely it's murder you I will." + +Now, mind this and you'll see how strangely things come about. If it +had not been for this what Tim said, I should not have had to tell you +the story of my watch, or it would not have ended as it now must. If +Tim had told me about winding her up the night before I should not have +disturbed him in the morning, and he would not have been so angry, and +would not have told me not to see him again for a week. He has since +said that he did not mean a word of that; and, had I but known it, that +tarnation Pat could not have cheated me; however I will tell you how it +happened. + +[Illustration: _The Death of the Watch._] + +Directly after I left Tim, whom should I meet but Pat, who spoke quite +civil, saying, "Well, Paul, and how's the watch? I've been thinking +since I heard her 'glucking' last night that it's to lay she wants, and +that if she had a nest you'd have some young watches in a day or two." + +"Do you think so?" said I. + +"I'm sure of it," said he; so we went along to the barn together and +made her a nice comfortable nest of hay. + +"Now," he said, as he laid her in it, and covered her up quite warm +and snug, "you must not go near or disturb her for five days, or it's +desert her nest she will, and you'll have no younguns." + +Well, to finish with my story, after five days I went to the nest, and +what do you think I found? No younguns, nor the old watch neither, but +a big turnip. I ran to Pat's, but he had gone off to America. I never +saw my watch again; but up to this day the boys call out, when they are +out of my reach-- + +"Paul, tell us what o'clock it is." + +[Decoration] + + + + +XXVII. + + _Fittletetot._ + + +There was a good woman of Kittleroopit, but where Kittleroopit is +exactly I cannot tell you; so it's of no use pretending to more than +one knows. Her husband was a vagabondizing sort of a body, and he went +to a fair one day, from which he not only never returned, but never was +anything more heard of him. + +Some said that he enlisted, and others that he had fallen into the +hands of the press-gang; certain it is, anyhow, that the press-gang was +about the country ready to snap up anyone, for our good dame's eldest +brother, Sandy, was all but smothered in the meal-tub, hiding from +these man-stealers; and after they had gone he was pulled out from the +meal wheezing and sneezing, and was as white as any ghost. His mother +had to pick the meal out of his mouth with the handle of a spoon. + +Well, when her husband was gone the good woman of Kittleroopit had +little left but her baby, and there was not much of that; for it was +only a wee thing of a few weeks old. Everybody said they were sorry for +her, but no one helped her, which is a case of constant occurrence, as +you know. The good woman, however, had still something left, which was +a sow; and it was, moreover, near littering time. + +But we all know that fortune is uncertain; for one day, when the dame +went into the sty to fill the trough, what should she find but the sow +lying on her back groaning and grunting, and ready to give up the ghost. + +This was a blow to the poor woman, so she sat down with the child on +her knee and fretted more sorely than ever she had done for the loss of +her husband. + +I must tell you that the cottage of Kittleroopit was built on the slope +of a hill, with a small fir-wood behind it; and as the good woman +happened to look down the hill she saw an old woman coming up the +footpath, dressed almost like a lady. She had on a green dress, and +wore a black velvet hood and steeple-crowned hat. She carried a staff +in her hand as long as herself--the sort of staff that old men and old +women used to help themselves along with long ago. They seem to be out +of fashion now. + +Well, when the good woman saw the green lady near her she rose up and +began courtesying, and said, "Madam, I am one of the most misfortunate +women alive, for I have lost--" But the green woman interrupted her, +saying-- + +"I don't wish to hear piper's news and fiddler's tales, my good woman. +I know that you have lost the good man of the house, but that is no +such great loss; and I know that your sow is very ill, which is worse; +but that can be remedied. Now, what will you give me if I cure your +sow?" + +"Anything your good Ladyship likes," answered the good Woman, for she +little knew whom she had to deal with. + +"Let's shake hands on that bargain," said the green Lady; so they shook +hands, and madam then marched into the sty. + +She looked peeringly at the sow, and then began to mutter something +which the good woman could not well understand, but she said it +sounded like-- + + "Pitter patter, + Holy water." + +Then she took a little bottle out of her pocket, with something like +oil in it, and rubbed the sow about the snout and on the tip of the +tail. "Get up, beast," said the green woman; and no sooner said than +done, for up jumps the sow with a grunt and goes off to the trough for +her breakfast. + +The good woman of Kittleroopit was now as happy as need be, and would +have kissed the very hem of the green madam's gown-tail, but she +wouldn't let her, and said, "I'm not fond of any such nonsense; but now +that I have set your sick beast on its legs again let us settle our +agreement. You'll not find me over unreasonable. I like to do a good +turn for a small reward. Now all I ask, and will have, is the baby at +your breast!" + +The good woman of Kittleroopit, who now knew her customer, gave a +scream like a screech-owl, and falls to begging and praying, but it +wouldn't do. "You may spare yourself all this trouble and screeching as +if I were as deaf as a door-post; but this I'll tell you, by our laws +I cannot take your child till the third day from this day, and not then +if you can tell me my right name." Hereupon the green lady goes her +way, round the back of the pig-sty, and the good woman fell down in a +swoon where she stood. + +That night she could not sleep for fretting, and the next day she could +do nothing but hug her baby, that she nearly squeezed the breath out +of it; but the second day she thought a walk would do her good, so +she went into the fir-wood I told you of. She walked on far among the +trees, with her baby in her arms, till she came to an old quarry hole +all over-grown with grass. Before she came close up to it she heard the +"bizzing" of a spinning-wheel and a voice singing, so she crept quietly +among the bushes and peeped down into the hole. + +What should she see, but the green Fairy spinning away as fast as +possible and singing awhile-- + + "Little knows the good old dame + That Fittletetot is my name." + +"Ah, ha!" laughed our good Woman, and she was fit to jump for joy, when +she thought how the green old Fairy would be cheated. + +[Illustration: _The good Woman discovering the Fairy._] + +She was a merry woman when there was nothing to weigh too heavily on +her heart, so she determined to have some sport with the Fairy when +she came the next day, as she little doubted she would. That night she +slept well, and found herself laughing in the morning when she woke. + +When she saw the green Fairy coming up the hill, neither lazy nor lame +this time, she put the baby under her stool on which she sat so as to +hide it, and turning one leg over the other she put her elbow on her +knee, resting her head in her hand as if she were fretting. + +Up came the old Fairy, and said, "You know what I have come for, so let +us waste no time." The good woman pretends to grieve more than ever, +and wringing her hands as she fell on her knees, "Good, kind Madam," +she cried, "spare my only child, and take the old sow." + +"The foul fiend take the sow," the Fairy said; "I came not here for +swine flesh. Now don't be troublesome, but give me the child at once." + +"Oh! my good Lady," the good Woman again said, "leave my dear child and +take myself." + +"What does the old jade mean?" the Fairy cried, this time in a passion. +"Why, you old fool, who do you think would have anything to do with the +like of you, you ugly old cat?" + +This, I promise you, put the good dame's back up; for though she had +blear eyes, and a long red nose, she thought herself no less engaging +than the vainest; so up she jumped, and making a courtesy down to the +ground, she said-- + +"We cannot all be as beautiful as your own sweet self, and I might have +known that I should not be thought fit to tie even the shoes of the +high and mighty Princess Fittletetot." + +The old Fairy could not have jumped higher if she had been blown up; +but down she came again, and roaring with rage ran down the hill, +followed by the laughter of the good dame of Kittleroopit. + + + + +XXVIII. + + _The wee Bannock._ + + +There was an old man who had an old wife, and they lived by the side +of a hill. They had two cows, five hens and a cock, a cat and two +kittens. The old man looked after the cows whilst the old woman knitted +stockings for him, and when she let her ball of yarn fall the kittens +sprang upon it, and after it as it rolled away, till it got twisted +round all the legs of the chairs and of the table, so that the old +woman had plenty to do without knitting the stockings. + +One day, after breakfast, she thought she would have a bannock, so she +made two oatmeal bannocks and put them to the fire to bake. After a +while the old man came in and sat down by the side of the fire, and +when he saw the bannocks he took up one and snapped it through the +middle. No sooner did the other see this than off it ran as fast as +it could, and the old woman after it; but the wee bannock ran away +and out of sight, and ran till it came to a pretty large thatched +house, into which it ran boldly up to the fire-side. There were three +tailors sitting on a table, and when they saw the wee bannock come in +they jumped up and off the table, and ran behind the good wife who was +carding tow on the other side of the fire. + +"Be not afraid," she cried, "it's only a wee bannock. Catch it, and +I'll give you a basin of milk with it." + +Up she gets with the tow-cards, and the tailor with the goose, and +the two apprentices: the one with the shears and the other with the +sleeve-board, but it eluded them all. The one apprentice made a snap +at it with the shears, but he fell into the ash-pit. The tailor threw +the goose and his wife the tow-cards; but it wouldn't do; the bannock +got away and ran till it came to a little house by the road-side, into +which it ran. There was a weaver sitting on his loom, and his wife was +winding a skein of yarn. + +"Kitty," said he, "what's that?" "Oh," said she, "it's a wee bannock." +"It's welcome," said he, "for our pottage was rather thin to-day. +Catch hold of it, my Girl; catch it." "Yes, that I will," said she. +"How now! why that's a clever bannock. Stop it, Willie; stop it, Man." +But it wouldn't be stopped, and away it went over the hillock and ran +into the nearest house, straight up to the fire-side. There was the +good wife churning, and she said, "Come along, my wee Bannock. I have +cream, but no bread." However the bannock dodged round the churn, and +she after it, till she nearly upset the churn, and before she could +steady it the wee bannock was off, down by the side of the stream into +the mill. + +The miller was sifting meal; but when he looked up and saw the bannock, +he said, "It's a sign of plenty when you're running about like that +and no one to look after you. But I like a bannock and cheese, so come +here, and I'll give you a night's lodging." But the bannock wouldn't +trust itself with the miller and his cheese, so it turned and ran out +again, and the miller didn't trouble himself about it. + +This time it rolled on gently till it came to a smithy, and in it ran +up to the anvil. The smith, who was making horse-nails, said, "I like +a stoup of good ale and a well-toasted bannock, so you are just the +thing for me." But the bannock was frightened when it heard him talk of +the ale, so it ran off as hard as it could split, and the smith after +it, but all to no purpose; for it was out of sight in a crack, and it +ran on till it came to a farm-house. In it went up to the fire-side, +where the farmer was plaiting straw ropes. "Why, Janet," he cried, +"here's a bannock. I'll have the half of't." "Well, John, and I the +other half." But neither could get hold of it, and off it was, up one +side of the hill and down the other, to the nearest house, and in it +went up to the fire. + +The good folks were just sitting down to supper. "Shut the door," cried +the good woman, "for here's a wee bannock come in to warm itself by our +fire, and it's just in time for supper." + +When the bannock heard this it ran all about the house, and got out at +last, when it ran faster and faster till it got to another house. As it +ran in the folk were just going to bed. The goodman was taking off his +breeches, and his wife raking out the fire. + +"What's that?" cried he. "It's a wee bannock," said his wife. "I could +eat the half of it for all the supper I had," said he. "Catch hold +of it," cried she, "and I'll have a bit too. Throw your breeches at +it--there, stop it--stop it!" The goodman threw his breeches at it and +nearly buried it, but it got away and out of the house. The goodman ran +after it; and now a regular chase began, round the house, through the +garden, across the fields on to a common among the furze, where he lost +it, and he had to trot home again half naked. + +It had now grown quite dark, and the wee bannock could not see an inch +before it, so by mistake it got into a fox's hole. + +Now the fox had had no meat for two days, so it made a snap at the +bannock and it was gone in an instant. + +It would seem as if there were little use in the wee bannock having +escaped so many dangers, but not so, for all its pursuers could do very +well without it, whereas the poor fox had fasted two days and must have +been really hungry. + +[Illustration: _The Bannock Hunt._] + + + + +XXIX. + + _Jock and his Mother._ + + +There was once a widow who had a son, and she called him Jock. Now, one +day she said to him, "You are a lazy fellow, but now you must go out +and earn something in order to help me." + +"I'll do that willingly," said Jock. So away he went, and fell in with +a pedler, who said to him, "If you'll carry my pack all day, I'll give +you a needle at night." He carried the pack all day, receiving the +needle at night; and as he went on his way home to his mother, he cut a +bundle of rushes and put the needle in the middle of them. + +When he got home his Mother said to him, "What have you done, and +brought home to-day?" "I met with a pedler," said Jock, "and carried +his pack for him, for which I received a needle, which you may look for +among the rushes." + +"Out upon you, for a blockhead," said his Mother, "you should have +stuck it in your cap." "I'll mind that another time," said Jock. + +The next day he overtook a man carrying plough-shares, and the man said +to him, "If you'll help me to carry my plough-shares during the day, +I'll give you one for yourself at night." "Agreed," said Jock. So at +night he gets a plough-share, which he sticks in his cap. On his way +home he was thirsty, so he went down to the river to have a drink, and +as he stooped the plough-share fell out of his cap and was lost in the +water. He then went home, and his Mother said to him, "Well, Jock, what +have you been doing to-day?" And when he told her she cried out, "How +stupid you are, Jock! you should have tied a piece of string to it and +trailed it after you along the ground." "Well, I'll mind that another +time," said Jock. + +Off he started the next morning and fell in with a butcher. "If you'll +be my servant for the day," he said, "I'll give you a leg of mutton at +night." "That is a bargain," said Jock. And after serving his day out +he got a leg of mutton, to which he tied a piece of string and dragged +it after him through all the dust and dirt. When his Mother saw him she +exclaimed, "Will you never grow wise? You should have carried the leg +of mutton on your shoulder." "Well, Mother, another time I shall know +better," was his answer. + +The next day he went out as usual, and he met a horse-dealer. He said, +"If you will help me with my horses during the day, I'll give you one +at night." "I'll do that," said Jock. So after serving him he received +a horse as his day's wages. He tied the animal's feet together, but was +not able to lift it up; so he left it and went home to his mother, whom +he told how he had tried to do as she bid him, but that he could not +lift the horse on to his shoulder to carry it. "Oh, you born idiot!" +she cried; "could you not have jumped on its back and ridden it home?" +"I'll not forget that the next time," he promised. + +The next day he overtook a drover driving some cattle to a neighbouring +town, and the drover said to him, "If you'll help me safely to the town +with my cattle, I'll give you a cow for your trouble." This Jock agreed +to; and when he got his promised cow he jumped on to its back, and +taking its tail over his shoulder, he galloped along, in high glee, +towards home. + +[Illustration: _Jock's Cure for Melancholy._] + +Now there was a very rich man who had an only daughter, and she had +such fits of melancholy that it was sad to see her; so that, after +trying every remedy and consulting all the quacks in the country, he +had it publicly announced that whoever could make her laugh should have +her for his wife. + +Though she was young and beautiful no one had been found to cure her, +and she was sitting in a very melancholy state, at the window, when +Jock came galloping along on his cow, which seemed so highly ridiculous +to her that she burst out laughing. + +Well, according to her father's promise, she was married to Jock, and a +grand wedding it was, and a grand supper was prepared for the guests; +but of all the delicacies Jock was most pleased with some honey he had +eaten. + +Now, after all the company had departed, excepting the old priest that +had married them, and who had fallen asleep by the kitchen fire, Jock, +who could not forget the honey, said to his bride, "Is there any more +of that delicious honey we had for supper?" "Yes," she answered, "you +will find plenty more in jars in the kitchen cupboard." So he went into +the kitchen, where the lights had been put out, and all had gone to +bed, excepting the priest, who was sleeping by the fire; and he found +the honey jars. + +He thrust his hand into one of the jars to get at some of the +honey, but his hand would not come out again, and he did not know +what he should do, when he bethought him of breaking the jar on the +hearth-stone. + +Now, as already said, the kitchen was in darkness; and Jock, mistaking +a large white wig, which the priest wore, for the hearth-stone, gave +the poor man such a whack on the head with the honey jar that he +screamed out murder; and Jock, frightened out of his senses, ran out +and hid himself among the bee-hives. + +That very night, as luck would have it, some thieves came to steal +the bee-hives, which they bundled into a large plaid, and Jock with +them without knowing it. Off the thieves ran with their booty on +their backs, and when they came to the brook where Jock had dropped +the plough-share, one of them kicking his foot against it, cried out, +"Here's a plough-share in the water." "That is mine," Jock cried from +out of the plaid; and the thieves thinking it was a ghost on their +backs, let the plaid, with its contents, fall into the water, and it +being tied up Jock could not get out, so was drowned with all the bees. + +[Decoration] + + + + +XXX. + + _The Irish Highwayman._ + + +It was before the introduction of railways, into Ireland at any rate, +that a certain Irish Bishop had occasion to visit Dublin. There was, +no doubt, a public conveyance of some sort or another of which the +good Bishop might have availed himself, but his lordship was a portly +gentleman and fond of his ease; besides which his wife and daughter +wished to make the journey with him, and they never would for a moment +have listened to travelling in a dirty car or coach, so their own +comfortable carriage was got ready. I said the Bishop was portly and +fond of his ease, but by that I did not mean to infer that all bishops +are stout, for I knew one who was a very lean man; nor did I mean that +portly personages are all fond of their ease, that is, not more so +than the rest of us are; nor do I now mean that a lean man does not +appreciate comfort. Be that as it may, the Bishop in question had a +handsome comfortable carriage which he thought he might as well use; +and, indeed, as his lady and daughter were going with him, he had no +choice, so the carriage was used and his lordship's horses too; and to +save both, as well as the ladies, the journey was performed in easy +stages. + +Now the Bishop was an advocate for a moderate amount of exercise, and +for this reason, as well as to spare his horses as much as possible, he +made a point of alighting from his carriage at the foot of the hills, +and walking up to the top, unless, indeed, the hill proved too steep. + +On one occasion he had loitered behind admiring the scenery, which +was particularly wild and beautiful, and the carriage had got out of +sight. However, as it always waited for him at the top of the hill, +that did not trouble him as long as he had only the difficulties of the +road to contend with; but soon danger appeared in the shape of an ugly +looking fellow, who, suddenly starting up from behind a heap of stones, +stood right in front of him, effectually stopping his progress, which +was particularly vexatious. From the appearance of the stranger the +Bishop felt very much inclined to quicken his pace. + +[Illustration: _The Bishop and the Highwayman._] + +"What can I do for you, my good Man?" said the Bishop very civilly, and +in his softest voice, for he did not like the look of the man, nor of a +dangerous looking club he held in his hand. + +"As your Honour is so civil as to ask," the fellow said, "you may first +of all give me your money, for I'm sartain sure so kind a gintleman +would not like to see a poor fellow in distress, when you can relieve +him by only putting your hand in your pocket." + +Civilly as he spoke he was a determined looking rascal, with whom it +would evidently be of no use to argue, so the Bishop gave him what +silver he had about him, hoping to get off with that; but he was +mistaken, for the fellow had no sooner put it into his coat pocket than +he said-- + +"Your Honour has made a mistake, for it's sure I am a thorough +gintleman like you could not intend to give only a few paltry +shillings. But I beg your Riverence's pardon, for I see now that you +are an ornament of the blessed Church. It's some gold pieces you +intended to give me; but it will save your Riverence trouble if you +give me your purse." This was accompanied by a scarcely perceptible +movement of the club, which however seemed a very convincing argument, +for his lordship immediately produced his purse, which as quickly +followed the silver into the capacious pocket. + +"I'm sorry to trouble your Honour, your Riverence I mane, any further, +for I see you're in a hurry, and it's beg your pardon I do for the +same; but I judge you're going to Dublin, and you can have everything +in the big city for the asking; but here nothing can be got for love or +money, and you see that I want a new coat and hat. Now I'm sure so kind +a gintleman won't mind changing yours with me." + +"This is too much, my good Man," the Bishop said, driven to resistance +by this extraordinary demand. "Recollect that you are breaking the laws +of God and man, and think of the punishment in this world and the next. +Be satisfied, for you have taken all my money, and my clothes I will +not part with." + +"Now, sure," was the answer, "your Honor's Riverence makes a mistake, +for you gave me that bit of money, and it is that very kindness makes +me not believe that you mane to refuse me now. Pray consider, and I'll +wait with pleasure for another answer, for I know you'll be sorry." +He stepped back a few paces, and, as if to while away the time whilst +waiting for the answer, he flourished his cudgel about, first over his +head, then on one side and then on the other. + +What was to be done? The poor Bishop saw that help was hopeless and +resistance equally so, and, after a few moments' hesitation, he took +off his coat and hat, laying them on the heap of stones by his side. + +"Now, bless your Riverence," the fellow said, "I knew you would not +refuse me; but after all your kindness I cannot allow you to be without +a coat and hat. It would be neither comfortable nor dacent, and, +therefore, just put on my coat. Indeed I'll not take a refusal," he +continued, as the Bishop hesitated, and he helped his lordship on with +his tattered garment. He then removed his unresisting victim's wig and +placed his old hat on his head. + +"Now I hope you intend to let me go," the Bishop said. + +"I have one more favour to ask, and then I will bid your Riverence a +very good morning. I must beg the loan of your watch till I have the +honor of seeing you again, for there is no watch or clock for miles +around, and it is very awkward, for I don't know when to be at my work, +and I'm afraid of cheating my employer out of some of the time due to +him. Your Honor can easily get another." + +"Will you never be satisfied? But beware of keeping me any longer, for +there is my carriage close by, and the servants, whom I have only to +call to my help." This the Bishop said in despair, pointing along the +road as he spoke, but he had a quick reply. + +"Don't trouble yourself to call, for I saw your Riverence's carriage +pass, and it is far out of hearing." This his lordship knew well, so he +gave up his watch, and was at length allowed to depart. He hurried on, +for he was afraid of another demand being made upon him, and it was not +long before he reached his carriage. + +Much astonishment was caused by his extraordinary appearance, and after +he had related his adventure his wife said to him: "Throw off that +filthy coat, my Dear, for we shall soon reach a town where you can buy +something more befitting you to wear." + +"Not so easily, my Dear," was his reply, "for I have not a shilling of +money left." + +"Well, never mind," his wife said, "take off the nasty thing, for +positively you cannot come into the carriage that figure. I'll give you +my cloak to cover your shoulders." + +The good man was not used to resist his wife, so he took off the coat, +throwing it upon the road. As he did so some silver fell out, which +induced him to make his servant examine it, and to his joy and relief +all his property was found in the pocket. + +The party reached Dublin without any further adventure, and a few days +after received intelligence of the capture of the Highwayman. + + + + +XXXI. + + _Fiddling Jackey._ + + +There was once a little boy, who led a very unhappy life, for his +father was tipsy from morning till night, and he had no mother to +soothe and console him when he had met with ill-treatment, which +happened almost daily. + +I cannot tell you exactly how long ago this was, but it must be a long, +long time, for there were fairies then, and the birds, trees, and +flowers sang and spoke, which you know has not happened within your +recollection, at all events. + +Jackey's father, for Jackey was the little boy's name, was village +musician, and had once played the violin remarkably well, but since +he had taken to drinking had grown so careless that his scraping was +a horror to all who could hear at all, that the dogs even howled in +disgust, and probably in pain, for the noise they made was piteous in +the extreme. + +Now, when the drunken fiddler reeled home at night, accompanied by +the most dissolute of the village, the shouting of these, the horrid +scraping of the fiddle, and the discordant chorus of some twenty or +thirty dogs, made the more steady and respectable portion of the +community tremble in their beds, with some undefined fear. + +All this, you must know, happened in Germany, where in every cottage +of the villages there is, at least, one dog, and where the watchman, +who is generally the swineherd as well, no doubt was not over sober +himself, and more likely to add to the noise than stop it. + +Though the fiddler was a sad reprobate, and his playing of the worst +description, he was tolerated; for the fact is that the most of the +elder portion of the villagers cared only for drinking, and the younger +ones thought of nothing but dancing; so he was good enough for them +after all. + +His disorderly life and cruelty had killed his poor wife, Jackey's +mother, who would have looked upon death as a real blessing, had she +not feared for the future of her young son; however, Jackey, who was +eight years old, had the thoughtlessness of youth and good health to +support him, though, it is true, he cried bitterly after his father had +been beating him, and felt sorrowful enough when he had not enough to +eat, which happened but too often. + +Jackey still remembered the time when, though at rare intervals, his +father played really well; and the sweet sounds of music had so entered +his very soul that he felt a secret consolation within him, amidst all +his troubles. + +This love of music, though it consoled him, occasionally caused him +more bitter sorrow than the most cruel beatings; for when he looked at +the violin, hanging against the wall, neglected and covered with mud, +he thought of the sweet sounds that were still within it, though there +was no one to bring them out. + +Now, one day, when Jackey had been staring longer than usual at the +violin, and his mind was filled with sad thoughts, his father happened +to come in, and the poor boy, mustering up all his courage, said-- + +"My dear Father, do not be angry if I ask what the poor fiddle has done +to you that you neglect it so? Take care or it will die too, as my dear +good mother did, of a broken heart." + +The only answer to this was a sound thrashing; and, as the beating had +been more severe than usual, so Jackey cried longer and more bitterly, +all by himself, for his father had gone again; but, as the pain grew +less, his crying was not so violent nor loud; then he thought he heard +a voice, like sobbing, come from the wall. + +There was no mistaking it, the sobbing proceeded from the violin, and +Jackey's tears burst forth afresh; but there must be an end to all +things, and when he had become calmer, he got on a chair, so as to be +nearer the instrument, and whispered-- + +"My dear Fiddle, you pity me, and now I have a friend in the place of +my good lost mother. But you, too, I am afraid, are not more happy than +she was. Tell me if I can do anything for you." + +"I do pity you," the violin answered, "for you are a good boy, and I +wish to console you for the loss of your mother, and make you forget +all the hardships you have to suffer. At the same time, you can do me +a very great service. Take me down, and when you have cleaned me and +put me in proper order, I will teach you how to make me sing again, +better than ever I used to do. Then I shall be happy, and you, my poor +Boy, will forget your sorrow, for I know that sweet sounds will console +you in all your troubles." + +[Illustration: _The neglected Fiddle repining._] + +Jackey said, sorrowfully, "Oh, how I wish to make you happy! But if I +take you down, my father will beat me, and, what is worse, perhaps, in +his passion, throw you against the wall, and dash you to pieces." + +"Be not afraid, but do as I tell you," the violin answered; "you know +that your father is at the tavern all day long till dusk, when he comes +to fetch me, and if, by chance, he does come in, he never notices +anything. I promise you no harm shall happen to you; so take me down +and carry me, with the bow, into the forest, where, by the side of the +stream, I will teach you how to make me bring forth sweet sounds." + +"You know better than I do what is safe to do, so I will take you to +the forest, as you tell me." + +As he said this, Jackey took down the violin, and having cleaned and +tuned it, according to its own directions, he carried it and the bow +into the forest, where he seated himself by the side of the rivulet. + +The breeze played between the leaves and branches of the trees, the +leaves and branches rustled, the birds sang sweetly, the stream +murmured softly, and all seemed to say-- + +"Welcome, Jackey! welcome to the forest!" + +"Oh, how delightful it is here!" Jackey cried; "and now, my dear +Fiddle, teach me to imitate all these sweet sounds." + +The violin told him how to hold the bow and where to place his fingers; +and all the birds came round him, first one whistling a note till he +could imitate it, and then another giving him the next note, and so on; +the rivulet, too, and the wind assisted; and then came the nightingale +and taught him how to join the different notes together, that they +might harmonize and form sounds agreeable to the ear. + +Jackey was so attentive, and did all so well, that the trees, the +flowers, the stream, and all the birds cried out-- + +"Bravo, Jackey!" + +As soon as evening began to draw near Jackey put up his fiddle and +prepared to go home, when all the voices, with one accord, cried-- + +"Come again soon, and we will sing together." + +Jackey went the very next day, and every succeeding day, and he made +the flowers join in the universal harmony. His dear fiddle seconded him +in all his endeavours, so that very shortly he imitated all the voices +of the forest with the greatest accuracy. + +It happened about this time that the landlord of the village inn died, +leaving a widow, who wished for nothing better than to give him a +successor as speedily as possible; but though she was rich, and the +business most thriving, yet no suitors appeared. + +Jackey's father, in his drunken moments, thought he would propose to +the widow, for he said to himself that, when master of the inn, he +could have as much drink as he liked without paying for it; but when +a little more sober his courage failed him, for she was the veriest +shrew, and the charms of her person were no more engaging than those +of her character. + +Her hair was neither red, brown, nor black, but a sort of dirty +coloured mixture of the three, and each hair seemed to go a different +way. Her nose was very, very long, not projecting, but hanging down, +like the beak of some of the small tribes of parrots. I think the +love-birds have such beaks, but I can scarcely compare her to those, +for certainly she had nothing of the love about her. Well, her nose, +anyhow, was like a parrot's beak, but flattened down, and that on one +side, or else it would have covered her mouth, which would have been +no great harm, for that was as ugly a feature as any other, and not +improved by having only half the due number of teeth, which, unlike +the nose, stuck out instead of hanging down. Her eyes were like those +of a cat, and one squinted awfully. Shaggy eyebrows and a pointed +hairy chin complete her portrait. Her figure was long, lank, and +shapeless--shapeless not meaning no shape at all, but an ugly shape. + +Most people have some redeeming qualities, or quality at least, but no +one had yet discovered hers, and no one had been found bold enough +to propose to the interesting widow, though she let it be clearly +understood that she wished to remain a widow no longer. + +Jackey's father had so often made up his mind to make her an offer that +at last his mind became familiarized to the horror, and if not in love +with the widow, he was decidedly so with her beer and spirits; so one +evening, having screwed up his courage to the highest pitch, he, in a +few words, offered himself as a husband. + +The widow took but a few minutes to consider, that, though he was a +drunken, worthless fellow, he was better than no husband at all; so +she did not give him time to draw back, but accepted him with all his +faults. + +The wedding followed with the least possible loss of time, and the +guests drank deeply to the health and happiness of the bride and +bridegroom, but the happy husband drank more than any of them. This was +a happy beginning; but how short-lived is happiness, for to his this +was not only the beginning but also the end. + +How changed was everything the very next day! Beer and spirits were +carefully locked up, and the poor fiddler was put under the water-cure +treatment, and this was the first of a series of strictly sober days. +He did not resign himself to petticoat government without a struggle, +but in every way she was more than his match. + +Adversity is the bitterest of all medicines, but frequently acts most +beneficially on the soul, if not on the body. So it proved with the +fiddler, for though, during the first few days of his new life, his +temper was sourer than ever, by degrees his spirit was broken, and the +outbursts of passion became less frequent. Passion was of no avail, for +it never gained him his object, and his amiable spouse still remained +his better half. + +Example had its effect also, for as he daily suffered from his wife's +intolerable temper, her unamiability, which at first roused his anger, +now caused disgust and horror, and occasionally he could not help +reflecting that in many respects he had been like her. As yet the +improvement in his character was involuntary, forced upon him, as it +were, and failed to soothe his mind and feelings; but Jackey, being +treated with less harshness, began to feel for the first time that he +had a father. + +The good boy, looking on his father now without fear, saw the dejection +he was constantly labouring under, and, as much as he had dreaded and +almost abhorred the harsh brutal man, he now pitied his suffering +father, so that he took every opportunity to get near to him, sometimes +venturing a remark; and one day, when he saw him in a particularly +desponding mood, he fetched the violin and played the voices of the +forest to him. + +Jackey's father was at first bewildered by the tender emotions to +which his heart had so long been a stranger, but as the sweet sounds +continued, it seemed as if his nature were changed and a new life +dawned upon him. He clasped his son to his breast and burst into tears. +When he became a little calm, he said-- + +"How beautifully you play, Jackey! How did you learn? But why inquire? +You have always been a good boy, and kinder, better spirits than those +of the earth, seeing you so neglected by your unnatural father, have +taken compassion on you. I have led a bad life, but now I see my +faults, and I will be always kind to you, my Son. Oh, Jackey, your good +mother will forgive me for all my past cruelty when she sees how I +watch over her dear child!" + +"Dear Father," Jackey said, "my dear, good mother, who is in heaven, +forgives you now. Oh, if she were but here to share our happiness!" + +"Play me that tune once more," his Father said, "and then we will go to +your step-mother, and I will beg and pray of her to send you to school, +for I can do nothing, my poor Boy." + +They went to that amiable lady, with whom, however, all prayers were in +vain. She said she would not spend a farthing of her money on father or +son, but that Jackey should be a shoemaker; that she would send him to +her brother, who was a shoemaker in a neighbouring village, where he +would soon be broken of his idle habits. Jackey said he would not be a +shoemaker; whereupon she gave him a slap on the face, which made his +ears sing and bright spots dance before his eyes, promising at the same +time to break his fiddle over his head. + +Jackey, however, was none the less determined not to be a shoemaker, +and his only trouble was how to keep the dear fiddle out of her way. +The next morning very early he was waked by a kiss from his father, who +said-- + +"Get up quickly, my Boy, and dress yourself, for I cannot do anything +for you here, not even protect you, and it will be better to trust +to the kindness of strangers than go to that cruel woman's brother, +who no doubt is as bad as herself. We must part, my dear Jackey, but +I do not fear for you, for wherever you play the airs you played me +yesterday, you will be sure to find friends. Take your fiddle then, and +wander forth into the world, and if you remain a good boy, as you have +hitherto been, God will watch over you and protect you. Make haste; and +in the meantime I will see what I can find to eat for you to take with +you." + +Jackey was ready when his father returned with some provisions done up +in a bag. "Now follow me," he said, "and take care that you do not make +any noise, so that no one may hear us." They got out safely and went +straight to the forest, where Jackey's Father stopping, said to him, +"You are now safe out of the clutches of your wicked stepmother, and we +must part; but, my dear Boy, we will put our trust in Providence, and, +if my life is spared a few years longer, I shall see you again, for +when you prosper in the world, and prosper you will, my Son, you will +not forget your old father." + +"Let me remain with you, my dear Father," Jackey said, "for you are not +happy, and I will try to cheer you with my fiddle. I do not mind my +stepmother's cruelty." + +"No, my Child, it must not be," his Father answered, "I have deserved +my fate, and will try and bear it with resignation; but fortune awaits +you in the world, far from here. Do not cry; and now, with my blessing +on you, we must part." He pressed his son to his breast, and turned +back without uttering another word. + +Jackey watched him till he was out of sight, and then sadly went on +his way into the forest, he knew and cared not whither. After a time +he reached the very spot, by the side of the rivulet, where he had +first sat with the violin and listened to the voices of the forest; and +as he seated himself, the rustling in the trees and the murmuring of +the stream joined with the different notes of the birds in forming the +harmony of music. The sadness of his heart gradually became softened, +and, taking the violin out of the bag in which he always kept it, he +again imitated the various sounds he heard, the birds vieing with each +other to teach him something new. + +Returning cheerfulness and the freshness of the air reminded Jackey +that he had not yet eaten anything, so he made a good breakfast off the +provisions put up by his father, not forgetting to give some crumbs to +the birds that gathered about him; and with a light heart he continued +his journey deeper into the forest. He thus wandered on all day, and +neither found the time long, nor was he weary; for there was constantly +something new to see, and hear, and imitate upon his dear fiddle. The +sun had sunk below the horizon, tingeing a few feathery clouds with a +beautiful pink, and the little wanderer saw no end to the forest; but +that did not trouble him, and he chose a soft mossy spot for a bed, +on which he lay down, and was soon fast asleep, forgetful of time and +everything else. + +Nothing disturbed his quiet slumbers till about midnight, when a sudden +light flashing across his eyes awakened him. He started up, and saw +it as light as day all around. Yet it was not daylight; it was more +like the light of the moon, but milder and warmer. He looked through +some bushes, where the light seemed strongest, and stood transfixed +with amazement at what he saw. Hundreds of the most lovely beings were +dancing in a circle, whilst thousands of others seemed to fill the +air around. Some were sitting, swinging backwards and forwards, on +the different flowers, whilst others, in countless numbers, appeared +gliding up and down the rays of light. He thought he had never seen +anything so beautiful as the little aerial beings before him. Though so +very small--for they were not nearly the size of Jackey--their forms +were fully developed, and of the most exquisite elegance and grace. +The maidens in particular, who seemed all of the age of seventeen or +eighteen, were lovely in the extreme. + +Jackey knew they must be fairies; and two of the number who were a +little taller, and, if possible, more beautiful than the rest, besides +that they wore silver crowns, he judged to be the king and the queen. +Dazzled by the light and the beauty of the scene before him, he was +for a time lost in admiration; but gradually the sweet tones, as the +fairies sang, gained the ascendancy, and all the other senses seemed +absorbed by that of hearing. As the fairies danced, they sang, and +were joined by thousands of other voices--in sounds, now of the most +lively merriment, then softly till they became solemn, when again they +burst forth in the wildest strains. The dance never ceased; but as some +withdrew from the ring their places were taken by others, who began the +song anew. + +Jackey had no knowledge of time, whether the music continued for +minutes only or for hours; however, it became fainter and fainter till +it melted away, and he found himself in darkness; but long, long after +he lay down again it seemed as if he still heard the fairy song, and +when he awoke in the morning it still sounded in his ears. + +[Illustration: _The Sight Jackey saw._] + +"How lovely!" Jackey exclaimed; "oh, could I but imitate those sweet +sounds!" "Try," the violin said from its bag. "Well thought," Jackey +cried; and taking it out, immediately began to play the fairy song. He +played it over and over again, and each time better, till at length he +said, kissing his dear violin, "Well done, Fiddle, we can do it now." +Then Jackey ate his breakfast, and having tried the song once more, he +resumed his wanderings through the forest. He stopped several times to +play the fairy song again, trying also his other tunes, to see that +they had not been driven out of his memory by these still sweeter +sounds; and having had his breakfast very early, had made a finish of +his stock of provisions, but that did not trouble him, though there +seemed no end to the forest. + +About mid-day, however, he began to feel hungry again, and hastened his +steps, in hopes of finding some outlet from the forest, or at least +some woodman's hut. He began to feel some anxiety for the future; +but he did not despair, for he was a good boy, and put his trust in +Providence. The birds sang merrily, as if to cheer him; and soon he +saw that the forest became lighter, nor was it long before he found +himself on the highway, and at no great distance stood a village. + +Anxious as he was to reach some human habitations, when he was outside +the forest he turned round to bid it farewell, and thank his dear birds +for their kindness to him. A farewell sounded back, and cheerfully he +went on his way to the village. He remembered his father having said +that wheresoever he played he would be sure to find friends; and no +sooner did he reach the first houses, than he took out his violin and +began to play. First he played the voices of the forest, and soon all +the people were at their windows and their doors, listening to him; but +when he played the fairy song, they came out and surrounded him, and he +had to begin again and again. + +There was now a contest amongst the principal inhabitants of the +village who should take the wonderful boy to their home, when the +clergyman and his wife carried him off. + +Jackey would not accept their kindness without telling them that he +could not stay long, for his father had sent him to seek his fortune +in the world, that his father was not happy at home, and that he was +going back to fetch him as soon as he had made his fortune. + +The good people promised that they would not keep him longer than he +felt inclined to remain with them. They were, however, so kind that +week after week still found him there, and he was so intelligent +and docile that every one loved him. Living now with people of good +education, Jackey soon felt his ignorance, and applied himself so +diligently to his studies, in which he was assisted both by the +clergyman and his wife, that he made rapid progress. + +He did not neglect his music, and frequently went back into the +forest--no one interfering with his wanderings. Neither did he forget +his father, nor give up the intention of seeking his fortune in the +world, though he was delayed by the persuasion of his kind protectors, +who, however, gave their consent to his departure after he had been +with them about a year, providing him with every necessary for his +journey, as also with a small supply of money. + +Jackey had improved as much in person as in mind, but retained his +former innocent simplicity of heart and kindly feelings, so that his +feathered friends loved him still, and he was as happy as the day was +long. + +He visited one country after another, passing from village to village, +and from town to town; and wherever he played, both old and young +surrounded him, and every one was ready to befriend him. Thus year +after year passed away, and Jackey had grown to be a tall, handsome +youth of about nineteen, with flowing black hair, large dark eyes, +and an expression of cheerfulness and good humour. His playing was +celebrated far and wide, but, more particularly, when he played the +fairy song every one was carried away by admiration and surprise. + +In each country he visited many inducements had been held out to detain +him; but a secret impulse drew him on till he came to a large and +powerful kingdom, which he found plunged in the deepest mourning; for +not only had the queen just died, but the most beautiful of princesses, +her daughter, was brought to the very verge of death by grief at the +loss of her beloved mother. + +Her royal father, whose only child she was, in the utmost despair, +had promised half his kingdom to the physician who should save her; +but the only remedy the most learned could propose was any excitement +that would distract her from her grief, for it was that alone that +was consuming her. This remedy was beyond their art, and the king +proclaimed that whoever cured the princess should be the inheritor of +his throne and the husband of his daughter, if she consented to marry +him. + +Jackey, on hearing this proclamation, determined to try what his art +could do to cure the princess, since all that was required was to +enliven her, and make her forget her grief. He trusted that, with +the help of Providence, he should succeed; and that, if even the +princess would not marry him, which he scarcely dared to hope, he might +still receive a reward sufficient to secure his old father's future +happiness, besides having the consolation of saving the life of a young +lady universally beloved. + +He went boldly to the palace, where he was immediately admitted, +on stating what his errand was; for the king had given orders not to +refuse admittance to any one, however humble, who came to cure his +daughter. + +[Illustration: _Jackey playing to the Princess._] + +The king was much surprised and disappointed when he saw Jackey; but +after he had received an explanation of the means intended to be +employed, he became more reconciled, and ordered him to be conducted to +the princess's apartment. + +Jackey gazed with admiration at the beautiful form before him; and to +the interest he before felt was added pity, for the princess lay in +bed with closed eyes and so pale as if death had already laid its icy +hand upon her. He felt that he would willingly lay down life itself to +restore colour and animation to that lovely face, and determined to +exert his utmost skill in her behalf. + +First he played the voices of the forest--the soft breeze gliding +through the leaves, the low murmur of the stream, and the gentle +warbling of the birds; then, as the princess's attention was attracted, +he made his violin speak louder and louder, and the Princess exclaimed, +"How came I into the forest? Oh! how delightful it is! Sing on, you +darling birds!" At length she opened her eyes, and sitting up in the +bed, looked about her in amazement. + +Jackey now played the fairy song; and when he had finished, she +said--"Go on, gentle Youth, I entreat you. You have been sent by heaven +to call me back to life." She sank back upon her pillow, and as Jackey +continued to play, she fell into a soft sleep, with a smile on her +lovely face. + +The king, having been informed of all that had happened, hastened to +his daughter's room; and the calm expression of her features, together +with the assurance of the head physician that all danger had now passed +over, made him, for the moment, forget all his sorrow; and embracing +Jackey, he assured him of his everlasting gratitude. + +The next day the princess awoke, restored to health; and when her +preserver was presented to her by the king, she received him with the +sweetest smile, and thanked him in the kindest terms. But that was not +all Jackey's reward; for when the princess was told of the promise made +by her royal father to whoever should save her life, she declared +herself ready to fulfil that promise, as soon as the time of mourning +for her departed mother had passed. + +They were, however, betrothed before the whole court, and the king +publicly proclaimed that, next to himself, Jackey should be the first +in the land. An establishment in every way befitting a prince of the +royal blood was appointed him, and he lived in the closest intimacy +with the king and his amiable daughter. + +Jackey, however, in all his splendour, and by the side of his future +bride, did not forget his old father, nor the promise he had made him; +so he begged permission of the king to go and visit him, which was +immediately granted. + +He set out on his journey to the village where he was born, attended by +a numerous retinue, travelling day and night till he reached the forest +where he had learned the first notes of music, the foundation of all +his fortune. He remembered all the trees, but the whole generation of +birds that had known him had long since died. In his heart, however, he +thanked them for their kindness, and in remembrance of them he passed +on in silence, having left his attendants at the beginning of the +forest. + +His heart beat with anxiety and fear, lest his father should no longer +be living, for it was more than ten years since he had left his home; +but when he reached the stream where he had first sat in the forest he +saw an old man sitting by its side. Jackey immediately recognized his +father, but the old man did not see him, for he was plunged in sorrow. + +Wiping a tear from his eyes, he said, "Am I never to see my dear Jackey +again? For how many years have I come here every day, till gradually +all his friends have died off--and he, too, I am afraid, must be dead; +and I am the cause of his death, for it was I persuaded him to go out +into the world." + +Jackey now took out his violin, which he had carried with him, and +played the tune with which he had first soothed his father's grief. The +old man recognized the notes, and he cried out, "That is my own Jackey! +Come to my arms, my dear Boy!" + +It was long before either could find words; but then the old man +told him that his stepmother was dead; and Jackey related all his +adventures, and his present happiness and splendour. Jackey went with +his father to the village; but the next day he had him removed to where +he had left his followers, and they all returned, without loss of time, +to the king, and Jackey's future wife. + +Jackey and his father were received with great rejoicings, and when the +time of mourning for the late queen was over, Jackey was married to the +lovely princess, with whom he spent a long life of happiness and peace, +reigning with justice and wisdom over the kingdom after the king and +his own old father were dead. + +[Decoration] + + + + +XXXII. + + _Teeny-Tiny._[1] + + [1 From Halliwell's "Nursery Stories."] + + +Once upon a time there was a teeny-tiny woman, who lived in a +teeny-tiny house in a teeny-tiny village. Now one day this teeny-tiny +woman put on her teeny-tiny bonnet, and went out of her teeny-tiny +house to take a teeny-tiny walk. And when this teeny-tiny woman had +gone a teeny-tiny way she came to a teeny-tiny gate, and went into a +teeny-tiny church-yard. + +And when this teeny-tiny woman had got into the teeny-tiny churchyard +she saw a teeny-tiny bone on a teeny-tiny grave, and the teeny-tiny +woman said to her teeny-tiny self, "This teeny-tiny bone will make me +some teeny-tiny soup for my teeny-tiny supper." So the teeny-tiny woman +put the teeny-tiny bone into her teeny-tiny pocket, and went home to +her teeny-tiny house. + +Now when the teeny-tiny woman got home to her teeny-tiny house she +was a teeny-tiny tired; so she went up her teeny-tiny stairs to her +teeny-tiny bed, and put the teeny-tiny bone into a teeny-tiny cupboard. +And when this teeny-tiny woman had been to sleep a teeny-tiny time she +was awakened by a teeny-tiny voice from the teeny-tiny cupboard, which +said--"Give me my bone!" + +At this the teeny-tiny woman was a teeny-tiny frightened, so she hid +her teeny-tiny head under the teeny-tiny clothes, and went to sleep +again. + +And when she had been asleep a teeny-tiny time the teeny-tiny voice +again cried out from the teeny-tiny cupboard a teeny-tiny louder--"Give +me my bone!" + +This made the teeny-tiny woman a teeny-tiny more frightened, and she +hid her teeny-tiny head a teeny-tiny further under the teeny-tiny +clothes. And when the teeny-tiny woman had been to sleep again a +teeny-tiny time the teeny-tiny voice from the teeny-tiny cupboard +said again a teeny-tiny louder--"Give me my bone!" + +[Illustration: _The Teeny-tiny Woman's Fright._] + +And this teeny-tiny woman was a teeny-tiny bit more frightened, but she +put her teeny-tiny head out of the teeny-tiny clothes, and said in her +loudest teeny-tiny voice--"Take it!" + +[Decoration] + + + + +XXXIII. + + _The Cannibal Cow._ + + +It was in the year ----. But why should I insult you by being more +particular in date than that it was during the Irish rebellion, when, +one dreadfully stormy night, old Goff, with his wife, daughter, and +only son, Tim, were sitting in the kitchen, which not only served as +general sitting-room, but was also the old couple's bed-room? The wind +howled and blew in gusts, shaking the windows and doors as one without, +in a hurry to get in, amongst whose virtues patience could not be +numbered. + +"This is a fearful night," old Goff said, "and fearful work, may be, +is going on just now; for I heard from neighbour Flanagan that the +red-coats have been seen in the neighbourhood. Go, Tim, and see that +all the doors are well fastened; and when the old woman has given us +our supper, we'll get to bed, for that is the safest place these +times." + +The old man had no sooner spoken than there was a tap at the door--at +first, gentle; as, however, neither father nor son moved, but sat +staring at each other in fear and trembling, the knocking grew louder +and louder. At length Tim whispered, "Hadn't you best go to the door, +Father, for that will impose upon them more, if it's thaves they are, +and show more respect, like, if it's the red-coats?" + +"No, no, my Son!" the old man whispered back, "you go; for then they +will see that you are safely at home, like a steady lad, and not out +with those wild boys, who are the cause of all these troubles. Go, +my Son; but don't open the door, for the life of ye, but ask the +gintlemen, civil, Who might be there, and what they might be wanting?" + +There was no help for it, so poor Tim crept to the door, and, after +listening whether he heard the cocking of pistols or the clanking of +swords, mustered courage to ask who was there. + +"And who should it be, sure," was answered from without, "but Paddy, +auld Paddy the Piper? Och! then let me in, darlint, that I may warm +and dry mesel', for it's caulder than the 'Squire's greetin', and as +damp as the say itsel'." + +[Illustration: _A Terror-stricken Household._] + +Without answering him, Tim ran back to his father, who, in the mean +time, had put out the light, and had got as far as the kitchen-door +to listen. Now Tim, in his hurry, rushed upon the old man, who went +rolling down, and Tim, to save himself, caught hold of the table, which +he upset, and he himself fell sprawling upon the floor. Not being hurt, +he went to help his father, who was shouting thieves and murder, and +it was some time before his son could convince him that the place was +not full of thieves, but that it was only Paddy the Piper who wanted to +come in. + +"Nay, lave me in pace," he said, as Tim tried to raise him up, "for I'm +dead, sure!" + +"But what about Paddy?" Tim asked. + +"And are ye sure it's Paddy it is, and that it is by himself he is?" +And then the old man added--"If it's the Piper himself, I think bad not +to give him the bit and the sup; but ye mustn't let him in, Tim, for +sure it's Paddy has a baddish name, and if he's found here we shall +all swing for't. But take the kay, my Boy, and let him into Katty's +shed, where he can be as comfortable, like, as the priest himself in +his own bed, and he shall not go without his supper." + +Now Katty, you must know, was old Goff's best and favourite cow, and as +such had a shed to herself, to which Tim led the Piper; and when Paddy +had a good large mug of whisky, he forgot that he was wet and cold. We +will not assist at old Goff's recovery from being "murthered quite," +but suppose him, as well as the others, safely in bed; and as we shall +be busy with the Piper we will not disturb them till the morning. + +Paddy was so warm and comfortable after his supper, but more +particularly after the whisky, that he felt one drop more would make +him the happiest man in all Ireland; but he dared not risk offending +old Goff by disturbing him again, for he always found a good friend +in him when his wanderings took him that way. What was to be done? He +tried to sleep, but it would not do; though it was not the want of a +bed that troubled him, for it was little Paddy knew of that, except by +name, and, indeed, Katty gave him the best of accommodation; but yet +the comfort was fast oozing out of him. + +Now Paddy had a friend who, quietly and quite in private, distilled the +best of spirit, and there was no fear of his being in bed--at least, +not at night. True, he lived full four miles off, and most of the +way lay across a dreary bog; but now that Paddy was once with him in +imagination he found less rest than ever. + +Tim had carefully locked Katty's door; but, though old, the Piper +was still active, so made nothing of clambering up to a hole in the +roof--for where is the shed or cabin to be found in Ireland that has +not a hole in the roof? if, indeed, what should be the roof is not one +big hole. In dear old Ireland everything is old, excepting the hearts +and spirits of its people. Once outside the shed, Paddy made the best +of his way towards his friend's; and expectation giving strength and +activity to his legs, he ran briskly on, when, all at once, he was +brought to a stand--not because he was out of breath from running, but +from astonishment at the fruit borne by a sturdy old tree he had just +reached. + +A man, well and securely hanged, was dangling from a branch of the +tree, with his toes most provokingly just beyond reach of the ground. + +Paddy peered at him through the dark, to see which of his friends it +was, and then addressed him thus:--"Och! Murphy, me lad! and is it +yerself I run my nose agin here in the dark? but I forgie yer for not +gettin' out o' the way, seeing that yer movements are not quite yer +own. Now tell me what has brought yer here in this ugly fix? But how's +this?" he continued, examining his friend still more closely--"and +was it for this dance yer put on them iligant boots? Why, Murphy, I +shouldn't know yer if I didn't see that it's yerself! But now," Paddy +continued, talking to himself, "his dance is over, and what will he be +wanting with his boots? I'm sartain he won't mind if I borrow them, for +sure me own brogues are none of the best. But why, my auld Friend," +he said, again addressing the hanging man, "why didn't yer put on yer +Sunday best intirely, for yer no better than a scarecrow dangling +there?" + +Paddy examined himself from head to foot, and then, shaking his head, +he muttered--"No, I canna better mesel', 'cepting with the boots, +which I'll make bold to take, trusting poor Murphy won't feel his feet +cauld." After thus alternately soliloquising and addressing his friend, +Paddy set himself to work to pull off the dead man's boots, but they +resisted all his efforts. He took it good-humouredly and out of humour, +but with equally bad success, and at length went on his way; but he +could not make up his mind to resign such a splendid piece of good +fortune, so he returned after he had gone a few steps, and made another +attempt. + +The boots, however, remained immoveable, and losing all patience, he +exclaimed, "Bad luck to them!" and taking out a large knife he carried +with him, cut off the legs just above the boots, thinking that, more at +his leisure, he would be able to clear them out. + +His plans were now altered, and instead of going on to his friend, he +returned to Katty's shed, carefully carrying his new acquisition under +his arm. + +He found no difficulty in getting back into the shed, but the +difficulty of freeing the boots from the feet and portion of the legs +that remained in them was increased rather than lessened; and at +length Paddy fell asleep over his unaccomplished task. When he awoke +day was already beginning to dawn, and as he wanted to be early at a +small town, some six miles off, where there was to be a fair, he had +no time to lose; so he quickly got out of the shed, leaving the boots +behind him as useless--his friend Murphy's feet pertinaciously keeping +possession of them. + +Not long after, Tim went to fetch him to breakfast, to make up for +the inhospitality of the previous night; for with returning light the +courage of the family was restored, and, as is frequently the case with +weak minds, day gave an appearance of security to that which night had +shrouded in danger. + +What was his surprise to see the shed occupied by Katty alone; for he +had found the door locked as he had left it the night before, and yet +Paddy was nowhere to be seen. + +He never once thought of the hole in the roof, and was puzzled beyond +measure. Paddy must be somewhere; so he looked in all the four corners +of the shed, under the straw, and even under Katty herself, who was +comfortably lying down. He now saw the boots, and was more puzzled than +ever. He scratched his head, as people will do when the understanding +is at fault, and during that process a horrible light burst upon him. + +He rushed out of the shed back to the kitchen, where, to the amazement +of all, he let himself fall into old Goff's, just then, vacant chair, +his mouth open, his hair erect, and his eyes nearly starting from his +head. + +All exclaimed with one voice, "What in heaven's name has happened! +What is the matter with you, Tim?" After gasping several times for +breath Tim cried out, "Och, the unnatural baste! Och, the blood-thirsty +cannibal! Poor Paddy! Och, the murthering brute!" + +"In the name of all the saints tell us what has happened!" his Father +said; and after a few more incoherent sentences, Tim related how on +going into the shed he could not find the Piper, though he could not +have got out, for he had locked the door the night before, and found it +still locked; how that, after looking all about, he had discovered the +boots, but that Katty had eaten up poor Paddy. + +[Illustration: _Tim's Dismay at Katty's Cannibalism._] + +An exclamation of horror burst from all. + +"Every bit of him," Tim continued. "The blood-thirsty baste has eaten +every bit of him. Not a morsel of poor Paddy is left but the boots." +The rest were quite as much horrified as Tim himself, and not a word +was uttered till his Sister, who first recovered something like +self-possession, said, "Let us go and look once more, for it is almost +too horrible to believe that Katty could do such a thing; she has +always been such a good, gentle beast." + +"Och, the cannibal!" Tim muttered, with a shudder. + +"Tim," old Goff said, "I've heard that a cannibal is one man that eats +another, and if so, perhaps Katty is not a cannibal; but, mind me, I'm +not going to defend the unnatural baste if she has eaten the Piper. Did +you say his pipes and all are gone? Take care and don't go too near the +crittur, but take the pitchfork with you. Oh, that I should ever live +to hear the like!" + +Most unwillingly Tim went back to the shed; but as his sister led the +way he was ashamed to remain behind. However, when they got there +Katty began bellowing with all her might, for she was unused to being +neglected, and felt herself ill used that Tim should have been in +without taking her her morning's food, and now finding herself again +disappointed, she stared wildly at them. + +Both started back, and Tim cried, "See there, how wicked she looks! Is +that the baste you say is so gentle? Sure she's dangerous, let's go +back." The sister ventured in and took the boots, which she carried to +the house. + +These told the tale but too clearly, and poor Katty had not a single +voice raised in her favour. It was now discussed what should be done +with the animal, for keeping her was out of the question. Who would +drink the milk of such a beast! Besides, it was dangerous to go near +her; and it was therefore settled that Tim should take her to the fair, +which fortunately was held that very day, and sell her at any price. + +Suddenly they were startled by a loud bellowing from the shed, for +during this time no one had thought of feeding the poor beast, and the +next moment all were seized with the utmost consternation, for Katty +appeared at the shed door and walked straight up towards the house. + +The kitchen was now a scene of the wildest confusion, for in their +eagerness to seize upon any article of furniture that might serve as a +weapon of defence, they rushed against each other; but Katty stopped +at some fresh grass that was in a cart near the house, which indeed +had attracted her. As soon, however, as she had taken the edge off her +morning appetite she went to the window, for she was a sociable beast, +and had always been accustomed to be noticed; but all the inmates of +the kitchen were huddled together at the further end, and their terror +is indescribable when she pushed the window open, for it had not been +properly fastened. + +She, however, stood so quiet, and looked so gentle and mild, that after +a time old Goff mustered courage to say, "Now that she has filled +herself with grass she will perhaps not bite, so now is the time to +secure her. Take the rope that is hanging up there, Tim, make a noose, +and slip it quickly over her nose." As Tim hesitated, his Sister said, +"I will go with you;" and then he did as he was directed, till, as +he was about to slip the rope over her nose, she opened her mouth, +thinking it was something for her to eat. + +Tim started back so suddenly that, losing his balance, he fell flat +upon the floor, shouting for help, but his sister, catching hold of +the rope, put it round Katty's nose; and when Tim saw that there +was no danger he finished the work for her, tying the rope at least +half-a-dozen times round the unresisting creature's jaws. Nothing now +remained to be done but for Tim to get on his Sunday clothes, which +did not take long, and poor Katty was led off, receiving much rougher +treatment than she had been accustomed to. + +For a time Tim and Katty had the road to themselves, and were not +over-pleasant companions, for to poor Katty all seemed strange; besides +that she received many a blow from her guide, who was in anything but +a good humour; and when they were joined by any one it made it none +the more pleasant for Tim, who now found out all the difficulties he +had to contend with, for he was not prepared with an answer when asked +what was the reason why Katty was to be sold, or why her mouth was +fastened up so. What could he answer, for, as he said to himself, "If I +tell the truth who would buy the unnatural baste? And I won't let the +people think we want money." His pride revolted at this; but it was +evident he must be prepared with a more satisfactory answer than he had +hitherto given, namely, that he did not know why his father intended to +part with his cow, for he heard two farmers, who had lately joined the +others, talking thus together. + +The one said, "Why, that is old Goff's favourite cow, sure it can't be +it's selling her he is, for I heard that he was offered twelve pounds +for her no longer than a fortnight ago, but he wouldn't sell her at any +price." + +"May be it's gone dry she is," said the other. + +"No, she doesn't look like that." + +"Then it's money he wants. May be the rint isn't paid, and--" + +"No, it's not that," the first speaker interrupted him, "for old Goff +is too close an old fist not to have plenty of money; but mark me, +Neighbour, there's something wrong with her, sleek and fresh as she +looks, and it isn't I that would be buying her at any price." + +Poor Tim was sadly puzzled, for it was impossible he could escape being +asked all manner of questions, and he knew no more than his heels what +to say. Then, too, he feared that no one would have her, and what +should he do with her then. His worst fears were soon to be realized, +for a new comer, who had heard the end of the conversation of the last +two speakers, now said to him-- + +"Well, Tim, and what has the darling of your house done that you want +to sell her? Is it fits she has, for there is something wild in her +eye? Or it's vicious she is? Speak, Man, what is the matter with her?" + +To avoid unpleasant questions, Tim said, "It's too much trouble to my +sister to attend to her, for it's my sister's cow she is." + +"And is it washing her face of a morning that's too much trouble +to your sister?" Tim was now asked; "or perhaps combing her hair is +troublesome, or may be it's cutting her corns your sister doesn't like; +but come, Tim, that won't do, Man, for why is Katty more trouble than +the other cows? Let me look at her, that I may see what ails her." He +examined her all over; and, to Tim's horror, taking the rope from round +her nose, looked into her mouth, but he could not discover one single +fault in her, which only excited his suspicion the more. "May be you'd +take five pounds for her?" And, as Tim eagerly assented, he continued, +"You'll take five pounds for her, and your father just a day or two ago +refused twelve. There's something in all this I can't make out, so go +on with her, for I'll none of her. I'm not going to be tricked by you." + +Tim was now in utter despair. He saw plainly he must say that it was +money they wanted. But would even that do, for his father had other +cows, and why sell the one which everybody knew was the favourite? His +only chance was to get rid of her to some one who did not know him, and +he therefore hurried her on to the market. + +The market was very full, and, when he found himself surrounded by +strange faces, he felt more at ease; however, no purchaser was found, +and Tim began to feel not only impatient, but seriously uneasy, for +Katty looked about her in a very suspicious manner, and he dreaded the +consequences should she grow very hungry. He shuddered as he thought +of the fate of poor Paddy, and, oh horror! just then he thought he saw +Paddy himself in the distance. He could not take his eyes from the spot +where he had seen the horrid apparition, though he trembled at the +possibility of its reappearance. + +There it was again, beckoning to him. + +This was more than poor Tim could bear, and he rushed wildly out of the +market, down the nearest turning, and out of the town. On he ran, not +knowing where, pursued in imagination by poor Paddy's ghost, till out +of breath, when he ventured to look back. He could run no more, for he +was now transfixed to the spot by horror. Katty, with her mouth open, +came full gallop after him, and quicker than the wind followed Paddy's +ghost. He stood motionless till they were close upon him, and then +fell senseless to the ground. + +When he recovered he found Paddy holding a pocket flask of whisky to +his lips, whilst Katty was looking at him with the mildest expression +of concern. + +"What were you doing in the market with Katty? And what, in heaven's +name, induced you to run away as if possessed by a thousand devils?" +Paddy said. "What does all this mean, Tim? Have you gone clean mad?" + +"And is it you, Paddy?" Tim asked; "or is it your ghost? For if it's +your ghost I beg your honor ten thousand pardons for all the trouble +I've given you, in making your honor run after me so far. And I beg +your honor to forgive my auld father and mother, and my dear sister, +and to forgive me too. And I humbly beg your honor will not haunt us, +for it will be the bodily death of us all; but if we can do anything to +give your blessid soul rest, tell me what it is and it shall be done. +Where shall we bury your blessid feet? It was not our fault that this +blood-thirsty baste, bad luck to it, ate you up last night, all but +your honor's feet, bless them. Directly we found out the misfortune +that had happened to your honor, for I went early to fetch you to the +most iligant breakfast my mother could get ready, we all settled that +the cannibal brute should no longer be one of our family, and I brought +her to the market to sell. This is every word the blessid truth. So I +beg your honor to forgive us, and may your soul rest in peace!" + +"Stop," Paddy cried, "or yer'll be the rale death o' me." It was now +Paddy's turn to fall, and he rolled about on the ground convulsed with +laughter, for he now saw what a mistake Murphy's boots had led to. When +he had recovered himself enough to be able to speak, he told Tim how +all had happened, and advised him to take Katty home again directly, +which he did, and Katty became even a greater favourite with the whole +family than ever she had been. + + + + +XXXIV. + + _The Three Men of Gotham on Nottingham Bridge._ + + +You, of course, know that the good people of Gotham have been +particularly noted for their wisdom; but if, by chance, this should not +form one of the items of your varied knowledge, the stories I am about +to relate will leave no doubt on your minds as to the justice of the +report. + +Whether it may be something in the air that has made these people +so peculiarly gifted I cannot tell, for I must confess that I have +never been at Gotham, and know absolutely nothing of the geological +properties of the soil, or indeed of the neighbourhood in any way, +excepting that Nottingham is the principal city of that part of the +country. + +You probably know, as well as I can tell you, what Nottingham is noted +for, so I will say nothing about it, particularly as what I might and +could say would in no way help us in clearing up the mystery, namely, +why the inhabitants of one particular place should be mentally gifted +beyond others. If, indeed, we were considering Nottingham itself I +might attempt some sort of an explanation, by telling you that a great +part of the business of the town being shoemaking would perhaps account +for a contemplative turn of its citizens, for shoemakers are supposed +to be men of deep thought. Why this should be so is another mystery +requiring to be cleared up, which I will leave to others to do, and +only just remark, that there can be no doubt several cases of men of +thought and talent among that class might be cited. I will only mention +the German shoemaker, of whom perhaps you have heard, who wrote up over +his shop,-- + + "Hans Saxs shoe + Maker and poet too." + +That's not bad, particularly for a German. + +But to return to Gotham, with which a consideration of Nottingham has +nothing to do. We all know particular individuals who are shining +stars, and even families of stars we know, but still that does +not tell us how and why there should be a whole community of such +extraordinary lights. We have confessed our inability to explain this +in the case of Gotham, and therefore let us take a liberal view of the +matter, and suppose that from generation to generation the children +inherited from their parents such a happy development of brain, that +it was utterly impossible they could be anything but wise. It might +be worth a phrenologist's while to go down there. But mind, I am only +speaking of what the people of Gotham were, for, as I said, I know, +personally, nothing of the place, and at the present day all may be +materially altered. + +I cannot tell you exactly when it happened, but on a certain day, in a +certain year, two men of Gotham met on Nottingham bridge. "Well met, +Neighbour," said the one man, "whither are you going?" "I have just +come from the market at Nottingham, and am going home to fetch my wife +and child, whom I forgot," was the answer; "and pray where are you +going, Neighbour?" + +"I'm going to the market at Nottingham to buy sheep," said the first +man. + +"And which way do you intend to bring the sheep home?" asked the man +who had come from Nottingham. + +"Over this bridge," answered he who was going thither. + +"But you cannot," said the one. + +"But I must," said the other. + +"But you shall not, Neighbour," said the man who was on his way home to +fetch his wife and child. + +"And why shall I not, Neighbour?" asked he who was going to Nottingham +to buy sheep. + +"You see," said the one, "that there is not room for my wife and child +to pass, so keep them back, Man." + +"I care not," said the other, "my sheep shall pass, so let your wife +and child stand back." + +"They shall not pass." + +"But they shall pass." + +"Woo! Woo! back there," shouted the one man, spreading out his arms and +legs, as is done to keep sheep back. + +"Woo! Woo! get on there," shouted the other, flourishing his stick, +and striking the ground first on one side and then on the other. + +"Take care, or you will drive them over my wife. But if she is hurt you +shall pay the doctor's bill." + +"I will not pay the doctor's bill. But you take care, for if you make +my sheep jump over the side of the bridge and they are drowned you +shall pay for them." + +"I will not pay for them." + +"But you must pay for them." + +Whilst this dispute was going on another man of Gotham had ridden up, +with a sack of meal behind him on his donkey, and hearing the quarrel +between his neighbours about the one's wife, whom he had just seen safe +at home, and about the other's sheep, when there were no sheep there, +he got off his donkey and called to the two disputants to lift the sack +of meal upon his shoulders. When they had done so, first untying the +mouth of the sack, he emptied the meal over the side of the bridge into +the river. Then, holding up the sack with the mouth down, before his +astonished neighbours, he said,-- + +"Will you tell me how much meal there is in this sack?" + +[Illustration: _The Three Wise Gothamites._] + +"Why, none," both said, "since you have just emptied it out." + +"Well," he answered, "just so much wit is in your two heads when you +dispute about wife and sheep, and neither wife nor sheep are here." + +Now which was the wisest of the three? + +[Decoration] + + + + +XXXV. + + _The Man of Gotham and his Cheeses._ + + +One hot summer's day a man of Gotham was on his way to Nottingham +market to sell his cheeses, which he carried in a bag slung across +his shoulder. He found the heat oppressive, and his load so +troublesome, that he could not help bewailing his lot in the following +words--"Unfortunate man that I am, why have I not a cart like neighbour +Dobbins, or even a barrow like old Mathews? My good woman will make so +many cheeses that I have no rest any market day. But now I have it; she +is a shrewd woman, and I will propose to her to make the cheeses so +that they can walk to market, and then I need only walk by the side of +them, to see that they do not loiter or play by the way. I wonder she +never thought of that." + +This bright idea consoled him and made him forget even his load for a +time, but it weighed so heavily upon him that he was soon recalled to +his misfortunes, and as he trudged along he constantly changed the bag +from one shoulder to the other. Now with these frequent changes the +mouth of the bag had got loose, and just as he reached the top of the +hill, looking down upon the bridge and Nottingham in the distance, one +of the cheeses fell out and rolled down the hill. + +He watched it for a time, and as it kept so well to the road, neither +turning to one side nor the other, but jumping over the stones that lay +in its way, he exclaimed in delight, "Well done, well done, keep on +like that, my good friend, and you'll soon be at your journey's end! +It was foolish of my old woman not to tell me that they could run by +themselves, but now that I have found it out, I'm not going to carry +the lazy things a step farther." + +Having come to this wise resolution he bundled the cheeses out of the +bag, and, as they rolled down the hill, cried after them, "There, +follow your companion; but you need not run so fast, for I shall +rest myself a bit and then walk leisurely after you. Now, mind you +all meet me in the market-place." He watched them with the greatest +satisfaction as they ran down the hill and over the bridge, when, the +road turning suddenly, they were lost to his sight; and then, too, they +all left the road, some running into one bush and some into another, +whilst the rest got no further than the ditch by the roadside. + +[Illustration: _The Gothamite and his Cheeses._] + +After a short rest the worthy man went on his way to Nottingham, +without troubling his mind about the cheeses, as he fully expected to +find them waiting for him in the market-place; but when he got there +he was somewhat astonished to find that they had not yet arrived. "No +doubt," he said to himself, "as soon as they were out of my sight they +got to some of their games in some field or another. That is always +the way, but they'll be here soon." When, however, the market time +was nearly over, and the cheeses had not appeared, he inquired of the +market people whether they had seen them. No one had seen his cheeses, +and when he was asked who brought them he said,-- + +"No one brought them. Sure they were quite able to come by themselves, +as you would say if you had seen them running along the road; but now +I think of it, they were going at such a rate that they are no doubt +half way on their road to York by now." So he hired a horse and rode +off towards York to try and overtake them, but strange to say he did +not overtake them, nor indeed did he ever see them again, nor hear any +tidings of them. + +[Decoration] + + + + +XXXVI. + + _Twelve Men of Gotham go out Fishing together._ + + +Twelve men of Gotham settled to go out fishing together; and, as the +anticipation of pleasure is nearly worth the pleasure itself, they +fixed the time a fortnight off, and each day during the interval made +some preparation for the great day. The appointed day came in due +time, and it was cold and drizzling; but the twelve met, for what true +sportsman would allow weather to stop him? They were all in the highest +spirits, and their conversation was of the wittiest and most brilliant +description, as you will judge it must have been when you know more of +the men. I do not attempt to give it you here, being well aware that I +could not possibly do it justice. + +When they got to the river-side, after a lengthy consultation, they +settled that the fish would feel shy of coming to them, seeing so many +together; and it was therefore agreed they should separate, all to meet +again at the same place in five hours' time. After they had fairly +divided their provisions into twelve parts, each took his share, and +went whither his fancy guided him. + +Exact to the time, the twelve again assembled together, and adjourned +to a tavern, where it had been arranged the day should be finished in +conviviality. They were cold and wet to the skin, but all declared they +had had a delightful day, each reserving his adventures till they were +comfortably seated together. + +Most extraordinary adventures they had all had; for one related how, +immediately that he had thrown his line, well baited with a worm, he +hooked the most wonderful fish he had ever seen; for though it only +appeared on the top of the water for a moment at a time, he could +plainly discover that it was hairy, and had a long tail. He had given +the creature line enough to play, but, when he had followed it more +than a mile, the line unfortunately broke--for the beast was strong, +being quite as large as a cat. + +"That is extraordinary," another then cried, "for I, too, followed a +hairy fish, such as I never saw before. You must know, as I went along +looking for a likely spot, I frightened the creature from the bank, and +it swam across the river. As quick as possible, I threw my worm just +before its nose, but it would not bite, so, like a shot, I was in the +water, and waded across after it. It took refuge in a hole, and when +I put in my hand to catch it, it bit me so that I have not been able +to use that hand all day, and no doubt that is the reason I have not +hooked a single fish. The beast appeared, for all the world, like a +rat." + +A third then told his companions how he had wandered along the side of +a river till he came to a mill, where, by the bubbles under the wheel, +he could see that the water was swarming with fish. He threw in his +bait, and almost immediately had a bite. He felt convinced that he must +have hooked several large fish at the same time, for no single one +could have pulled the line with such force. The line was strong, so +that it did not break, and at length the rod itself was fairly dragged +out of his hands, and for a moment disappeared under the water. The +fish, however, must have broken away, for the rod appeared again +entangled in the wheel, and was whirled round till it was dashed to +pieces. Finishing the account of his startling adventure, he said, "I +am sure, my Friends, that at that spot there will be plenty of sport +for the whole twelve of us together; and had it not been for that +unlucky accident of losing my rod, I should have brought fish enough +for all our suppers." + +Various were the adventures narrated, several of them having narrowly +escaped drowning, as they said--only that the water was not deep +enough. Amongst the whole twelve only one fish was produced--a small +one, which its fortunate captor had found floating, dead, upon the +water. + +When the last of the twelve had finished his account, he said, "I am +sure, my good Friends and Neighbours, that no twelve men ever had such +an extraordinary day's fishing as we have had; and, had we not met with +these unfortunate accidents, we should have brought home such strange +fish, and in such quantities, that the account of our day's sport +would have been inserted in all the newspapers. But, my dear Brethren, +we have been in many great dangers, and I shudder when I think of it, +that perhaps one of us has been drowned. Let us count, and see whether +the whole twelve of us are safely here." + +"Yes, let us count!" all exclaimed; "for perhaps one of our dear +brothers is drowned, and what will his unfortunate widow do?" + +Each of the twelve counted in turn, and each only counted eleven, +omitting himself; and then all cried out, "It is but too true that +one of our dear brothers is lost! Who shall carry the sad news to his +widow? But first let us go back to the river, and look for the body." + +These twelve wise men went down to the river, and searched every place +where, during the day, either of them had been, but no body was found, +which they bitterly bewailed, as it was deprived of Christian burial. +They then drew lots which of them should inform the unfortunate widow +of her dreadful loss; and when he on whom the lot fell inquired of the +others to whose widow he should go, and no one could tell him, they +bewailed still more bitterly that they could not discover which of +their dear brothers was lost. + +[Illustration: _The Lost Fisherman found._] + +It happened that at this time a gentleman from the Court was passing, +and seeing them in such distress, asked the cause. + +They said, "This morning twelve of us came down to the river to fish, +and one is missing, whom we cannot find." + +Then the Gentleman said, "What will you give me if I find your missing +companion?" To which they answered, that they would gladly give all the +money they had if he could restore their lost brother to them. + +He then made them stand in a row, and riding along the back of them +gave each such a smart cut with his whip that they cried aloud with +pain, and as they did so he numbered them; but when he came to the +twelfth he thrashed him till he and all his companions cried out for +mercy for him; and the Gentleman said, "This is the twelfth of you!" +whereupon they thanked him for restoring their lost brother to them. + + + + +XXXVII. + + _The Cobbler's Wager._ + +One fine summer's day a strong, active young man was sauntering along +the Exeter road, with apparently no immediate object in view but to +pass away the time, for he certainly seemed in no hurry to reach the +place of his destination--if, indeed, such a thing was in his thoughts, +as it undoubtedly should have been, for he was carrying home a pair of +shoes he had taken the greater part of the week to mend. + +You will guess by this that he was a cobbler by trade, and from the way +he was going on we may, perhaps, form an idea how it is that cobblers +are proverbially so little to be depended upon in the performance of a +promise--at least, when that promise refers to their work. + +The young man we are talking of was not fond of work, but, being a +merry, jovial fellow, was much liked in the neighbourhood where he +lived, more particularly as he was always ready to give a helping hand +to any one who required the assistance of a strong arm, and never +hesitated to neglect his own business to help others. + +Perhaps, too, that sort of occupation was more profitable than mending +boots and shoes, for he always seemed to have money to spare when he +met any companions of his own stamp at the different road-side inns. +He was now coming near to such a house, and was trying to find a good +excuse to turn in--for the landlord, according to his words, was a man +of the right sort--when a butcher, in his cart, carrying a calf he had +just bought, whom he knew well, overtook him. + +No excuse was, of course, required now to drop in at Tom Turner's, the +landlord just mentioned, if even he had not been standing at his door, +where, however, he was, ready to welcome them. + +The three were soon merry enough over a jug of foaming ale; and the +butcher, in particular, was in high spirits, for he had not only made +a good bargain, but one he prided himself upon. The Landlord said to +him, "I'm sure you've been playing your pranks off on some one, or that +you've overreached some poor wretch in a bargain, makes you in such +high glee this morning." + +"Well, I've not done so badly, I think," the Butcher answered, rubbing +his hands. "A little mother's wit in one's head is worth having, and +where's the good if one doesn't use it? You must know I particularly +wanted a calf this morning--indeed, I couldn't do without it, whatever +price I had to give; and as I happened to hear yesterday that old +farmer Hagan had some very fine ones, I went to him. Now I didn't tell +him that I wanted a calf--leave me alone for that--but I said I wanted +some sheep, which I knew he just happened not to have. He told me that +he hadn't any, and, as I expected, then said he had some first-rate +calves which he wished me to see. + +"'I am very sorry to hear it, Neighbour,' I said; 'for calves are +falling down to nothing in value since the celebrated Doctor Tweedle +came into these parts. You know that he has declared veal to be the +most unwholesome meat there is, and that eating it is little short of +eating poison; so that no one will touch it. I have two of the most +beautiful calves you ever saw, which I am but too happy to be able to +get rid of at thirty shillings each--just half what I gave for them. A +friend of mine has occasion for three, which he is going to send off to +a distance; so I am glad to be able to do you a good turn, if you are +willing to part with one of yours on the same terms; but it must be a +good 'un.' + +"Old Hagan was loath to part with one of his calves at such a price, +but was so frightened by what I had told him, that he let me have the +one that is outside in my cart, saying, 'I know, Neighbour, that you +are not a man likely to be over-reached, and that you would not sell at +such a price if you saw a chance of getting a better one.' + +"Now," the Butcher continued, "does either of you think he could make +as good a bargain as that?" And he chuckled, again rubbing his hands, +as they both confessed that they gave in to him. + +Shortly after, the cobbler rose to go, saying, as the butcher offered +to give him a lift in his cart, that he was going another way; and +as he went out, he made a sign to the landlord to follow him. When +they were outside together he whispered, "I should like to play our +boasting friend a good trick." "I wish, with all my heart, you could," +the Landlord answered; "but he is a cunning fellow." "Cunning as he is, +I've a great mind to steal the calf he's so proud of having cheated old +Hagan out of, and then sell it him again, but at double the price," the +Cobbler said. "He's too deep for you," said the Landlord; "you can't do +it." "What will you bet?" the Cobbler asked. "Anything you like!" was +the answer. "Well, then," the Cobbler again said, "let it be a gallon +of your very best ale. Now you go back, and manage--as if without any +particular motive--to tell our friend that you have a calf (that can be +easily done as he is getting into his cart), when you may as well say +that it is just like the one he has. You do this, and leave the rest to +me." + +"I hope, with all my heart, that you'll succeed," the Landlord said, as +he went back into the house; and the cobbler hastened along the road +which he knew was the butcher's way. When he had got some distance +from the house, he dropped one of the shoes he was carrying home by the +side of the road, where it would be sure to be seen, and then ran on +some distance further, where he dropped the other shoe, choosing the +spot close by an opening in the hedge by the road-side. + +Shortly after, the butcher came the same way, still chuckling over his +morning's bargain, and when he saw the shoe, drew in his horse. He was +about to get out, when he thought better of it, saying, "There's some +of that careless cobbler's work. He evidently has come this way, and +dropped one of the shoes I saw him carrying--but I'm not going to take +the trouble to carry it after him. Let him come back, and that will +teach him not to refuse a civil offer again. If he had but dropped the +pair, I should not mind getting out to pick them up--though certainly +it would not be to give them to him, but to keep them myself." + +With these friendly thoughts he drove on, and, before long, saw the +other shoe. "Hallo!" he said; "why, that lazy rascal of a cobbler, +rather than go back when he discovered the loss of the one shoe, has +thrown the other away as useless; but I'll not be such a fool, and +won't begrudge a little trouble for the sake of a good pair of shoes." +So saying, he jumped out of his cart and picked up the shoe, and, +finding it was a good one, ran back for the other, leaving his cart +standing in the road. + +No sooner had he turned a corner in the road, than the cobbler jumped +out from behind the hedge where he had hidden himself, and having +lifted the calf out of the cart, took it on his shoulders, and hurried +back with his load, as fast as possible, a short cut to Tom Turner's +house. + +Tom received him with an acclamation of joy; and as soon as they had +stowed the calf away in a shed, he produced some of his very best ale, +over which they discussed what was further to be done. The Cobbler +said, "As soon as the butcher finds that his calf has disappeared, and +that there are no signs of it, he will be sure to come back to you, +having heard you had one; but be sure you do not let him have it a +farthing under three pounds, for you know that was the price named by +himself, and that he said he must have one to-day at any price. When +we have had our joke out, we will give him back his money, making him +pay the amount of our wager, and another gallon to boot. But he is a +slippery rogue, so mind you do not part with the calf without receiving +the money down. And now, what will you bet that I do not steal this +very calf again?" + +The landlord, enjoying the joke, betted another gallon, and his +companion continued, "To prepare for another sale, tell him, as he is +driving off--tell him you have another calf, the twin brother to this +one, and so like it that no one can tell one from the other." + +After all that had been arranged, the cobbler related every +circumstance of the past adventure--not forgetting the butcher's +soliloquy--to Tom's infinite amusement, and added, "Take particular +notice whether he says anything about finding the shoes; for if he +intends to act dishonestly we may alter our determination about +giving him back his money." He had scarcely finished when they saw +the butcher's cart at the door, so he hastened away to his former +hiding-place. + +[Illustration: _The Cobbler carrying off the Calf._] + +The next moment the butcher was in the house, and he cried out, "Tom! +you must positively let me have that calf of yours, for mine has played +me an infernal trick, and has run off! I saw the brute, and ran after +it. But it doesn't matter, for I know where it is, and can easily catch +it again. But I'm in a hurry, so I thought it better to come back for +yours." + +"How did it happen?" Tom asked. + +"Why, my horse got a stone in its hoof, and as I had to go a few yards +off to get a dry stick to pick it out with, the brute took advantage of +my being away, jumped out of the cart and got into a field by the side +of the road. When I got back, though I saw it, it had the start of me, +and I was not inclined to run far after it. But, now, I'm in a hurry; +so tell me at once, Tom, what you want for your calf." + +Tom answered, "You know that I do not quite believe in veal being +poison, in spite of the great Doctor's opinion; but, to accommodate a +friend, I don't mind parting with it cheap, though I really can't take +less than three pounds." + +The butcher, finding that his own words were used against him, made no +difficulty, but, paying the money, carried off the calf, Tom calling +after him that if he lost that he had his twin brother for him. He +congratulated himself, as he drove along, that, though he paid dearly +for the calf, he had, at least, got a good pair of shoes for nothing. +To make up for lost time he put his horse to its best trot, but drew +in suddenly when he got to the spot of his misfortune, for he heard a +sound like the bleating of a calf. He listened for a moment, and then +exclaimed, in glee, "Oh! it's you is it, my runaway? Now, take my word +for it, you shall suffer for this." + +He jumped out of the cart and got into the field, but the bleating +seemed to proceed from the next field, and when he got there from +another, till he was led on to a considerable distance from his cart. + +The cobbler, who had imitated the bleating of a calf, when he had led +on the butcher till he got confused, hurried back to where the cart +was, and hastily taking out the calf, got safely back with it to Tom +Turner's. + +Tom, who had scarcely expected success this time, was fit to split his +sides with laughter, when he heard an account of this last adventure, +and in his turn told what had passed between him and the butcher. + +"Why, the rascal!" exclaimed the Cobbler, who was a honest fellow +himself, "so he intends to steal the shoes, for he knows well enough +that they belong to me. We'll give him another chance when he comes +back, for I'll tell him that I lost the shoes; but if then he does not +restore them, why I'll sell them to him for his calf and the money we +get out of him. Don't you think it will serve him right?" The landlord +agreed, that if he persisted in dishonestly keeping the shoes, he would +deserve to pay dearly for them, adding,-- + +"If we could manage it, it would be well to let him have his calf this +time for nothing." But the Cobbler, who was very indignant at the +fellow's shuffling dishonesty, said, "No, no, he deserves no manner of +consideration, but I hope he won't prove quite as bad as I think him." + +The butcher soon returned, and this time told the truth of the manner +in which he had lost the calf; but when the cobbler told him of his +loss he was far from confessing that he had found the shoes, and +that they were then in his cart, hidden under some straw. He was out +of humour at his own losses, and said, rather brutally, "You are so +careless that your loss serves you right. What is your loss to mine? +I have now paid four pounds ten for a calf, and still haven't got one +for my customers. Come, Tom, my good Friend, you must be merciful this +time, and let me have your other calf a little cheaper. If you'll let +me have it for two pounds here's the money, but if not I must go back +to old Hagan's for one." + +Whilst this bargain was being concluded the cobbler went out, and +looking in the butcher's cart soon found the shoes, which he took, +replacing the straw as he found it. + +Tom accepted the two pounds that were offered him, and the butcher was +this time allowed to get his dearly-bought calf safely home; but I'm +sorry to say the owner of the shoes had to wait another day for them, +as the cobbler spent the remainder of that one with his friend, and +merrily they spent it. + + + + +XXXVIII. + + _The Miller and his Donkey._ + + +There was a miller, never mind in what part of the country, who had +a tall, gawky son; but their combined wit had not proved sufficient +to keep their business in a flourishing condition, for the poor man +got poorer and poorer, selling one thing after another that was not +absolutely required to keep the mill going, when, indeed, there was +work for it to do, till the turn came for the donkey to be sold. + +This donkey had been a faithful servant to the miller, who looked upon +it as a friend, and being a kind feeling man, it was with a heavy heart +he made up his mind to take it to the fair to sell--but there is no +resisting necessity. + +On the day of the fair, having some distance to go, he started early, +and took his son with him, that they might both see the last of their +friend. + +The donkey walked on in front, thoughtfully and demurely, as donkeys +are wont to do, whilst the father and son followed sorrowfully. They +soon got into the high road, which was crowded with people going to +the fair, and the two poor simple fellows soon became the butt of the +different wits. "That is a hopeful son of yours," one would say to +the father; "you must feel proud of him I should think." And another +would say to the son, pointing with his thumb to his father, "The old +'un looks a tartar; does he whip you much?" Many of the like remarks +we made to father and son, loud enough to be heard by both, though +pretended to be in a whisper; but the principal shafts were shot at +them in conversations carried on round about, not a word of which could +they fail to hear. + +"Did you ever see such an old fool as that," said one, "to be walking +along this hot road, and his donkey going on in front with nothing to +carry?" "Oh," another said, "that's the donkey behind, for he in front +is much the wiser of the two." "I wonder," another joined in, "the old +fellow doesn't take more care of himself at his time of life, if not +for his own sake, at least for his baby's, for what would become of the +poor child if anything were to happen to him?" + +Stung by these remarks the old man got on to the donkey, though he +regretted giving the poor beast such a load to carry, and he sought +to lighten it by partly walking, for his long legs easily reached +the ground. This made matters worse, for he soon heard one of his +tormentors say, "Look there, was there ever such an old brute? He's +taking it easy, and lets his poor boy toil along as best he can. Such +an interesting child, too! Oh, if its mother did but know how cruelly +her darling child is being treated." + +Hearing this the miller made his son take his place, and wondered, as +he walked by his side, whether he was now doing right. + +He was as far from it as ever, poor man, for he very shortly heard an +exclamation, and this time from an old man, whose opinion should carry +some weight. "Well, this is too bad; what will the world come to next? +Here's a big lout of a fellow riding whilst his old father's walking. +It's disgraceful, that it is, for if even the fellow's lame, at any +rate he should make room for the old man. The donkey's strong enough to +carry the two." + +[Illustration: _The Burdened Beast._] + +Now the miller got on the donkey in front of his son, to whom he +whispered not to weigh too heavily on the poor beast's back, and they +got on for some distance in peace. But it was not to last long, for +when the donkey happened to stumble, from kicking against a stone, +there was a general outcry: "They want to kill the poor beast. Is there +no one to interfere? But it's one comfort that cruelty to animals can +be punished. Who'll inform against these two big brutes? Why either +of them is strong enough to carry the poor little thing, instead of +breaking its back, as they are doing with their weight." + +"When shall we do what's right?" said the poor Miller. "Get off, my +Son, and so will I, and we'll carry the donkey between us. Surely then +we shall not be blamed." + +[Illustration: _The Beast a Burden._] + +Having borrowed a strong pole, they tied the donkey's four legs to it, +and each taking an end of the pole across his shoulder, they managed, +though with great difficulty, to carry it; but it seemed impossible +to please the people. There was a general shout of laughter as the two +poor fellows toiled along, nearly weighed down by the load they were +carrying; but that was not enough, for the most insulting epithets were +showered upon them, till worried and distressed beyond endurance, the +Old Man exclaimed, in despair, "I see there is no doing right, but as +long as we remain together fault will be found, so we must part, my old +friend;" and as they just then came to a bridge, with his son's help, +he threw the donkey over the side into the river below. + +[Decoration] + + + + +XXXIX. + + _Doctor Dobbs, and his Horse Nobbs._ + + +Doctor Daniel Dobbs, of Doncaster, had a nag that was called Nobbs. +One day, in the middle of winter, the Doctor having been summoned to +attend a patient at some distance from his dwelling, and being anxious +to return home before it was dark, rode poor Nobbs very hard. On his +arrival, not finding his man in the way, the Doctor fastened Nobbs by +his bridle to a rail in the yard, and went into his parlour, where +he sat down to warm himself by a good fire. It had happened that the +Doctor's dairy-maid had brewed a barrel of strong beer, which had been +drawn off into the cooler; and the dairy-maid having been called away +to milk her cows, she had carelessly left the door of the brewhouse +open. The steam of the beer proved wonderfully inviting to poor Nobbs, +who had been hard rode, and now stood in the cold extremely thirsty. +After sundry efforts he got loose from the rail, and repairing to the +brewhouse, drank so heartily of the beer, that, before he was aware +of it, he fell down dead drunk. The Doctor's man coming home, ran +into the yard to convey Nobbs to the stable; not finding him at the +rail, he looked about, and at length discovered him stretched upon +the ground, cold and insensible. Bursting into the parlour, where +the Doctor was seated with Mrs. Dobbs, he communicated to them the +news of poor Nobby's decease. The Doctor and Mrs. Dobbs were both +good-natured people, and of course were much concerned; but as the +Doctor never suffered misfortunes to get the better of his discretion, +he immediately gave orders that Nobbs should without delay be flayed, +and that his skin should be taken next morning to the currier. + +The Doctor's man accordingly set to work: poor Nobbs was dragged to +the dunghill, his skin was stripped off, and he was left to be eaten +by the hounds. He had not, however, lain long before the novelty of +his situation had a considerable effect upon him. As he had lost +his skin, of course the coldness of the night operated with double +activity in dissipating the fumes of the beer which he had swallowed; +and at length he awoke, got upon his legs, and trotted away to the +stable-door, which happened to be close by the parlour. Not finding +it open, and being both cold and hungry, he began to whinny for +assistance. The Doctor and his wife had just done supper, and happened +at that moment to be talking of the accident which had befallen their +nag, over a hot bowl of brandy-punch. No sooner had Nobbs whinnied, +than Mrs. Dobbs turned pale, and exclaimed, "Doctor Dobbs! as sure as I +live, that is Nobb's voice--I know him by his whinny!" + +"My Dear," said the Doctor, "it is Nobb's whinny sure enough; but, +poor thing, he is dead, and has been flayed." He had hardly said this +before Nobbs whinnied again--up jumps the Doctor, takes a candle in his +hand, and runs into the yard. The first thing he saw was Nobbs himself +without his skin. The Doctor summoned all his servants, ordered six +sheep to be killed, and clapped their skins upon poor Nobbs. To make a +long story short, Nobbs recovered, and did his work as well as ever. +The sheep-skin stuck fast, and answered his purpose as well as his own +skin ever did. But what is most remarkable, the wool grew rapidly; and +when the shearing season came, the Doctor had Nobbs sheared. Every +year he gave the Doctor a noble fleece, for he carried upon his back, +you know, as much as six sheep; and as long as Nobbs lived, all the +Doctor's stockings, and all Mrs. Dobbs' flannel petticoats, were made +of his wool. + +[Illustration: _Doctor Dobbs on his Horse Nobbs._] + + + + +XL. + + _The Brownie._ + + +There was once a farmer whose name was John Burdon, a kindly, +industrious man, who lived happily with his wife and children, in an +old house, where his father had lived before him. + +His five children were thriving and merry, with no more quarrelling +than is usual amongst children, and altogether there was a quiet in the +old house, in spite of the games that were going on within. Of a sudden +all this changed, and every thing seemed to go wrong. + +Whatever the game might be, one of the children was sure to be hurt. If +they were playing at ball, the ball would be sure to strike one or the +other on the nose or in the eye, on which a bellowing followed; or if +the game was puss-in-the-corner, or blind-man's-buff, two or more of +the children were certain to run their heads together, or tear their +clothes, so that the good dame, whose boast it had always been that +they never got into mischief, had now enough to do to repair the daily +damage. + +The farmer, now hearing constant complaints, said some evil spirit must +have crept into the house; and he was right enough. + +A brownie or goblin had taken up his abode there, and not finding the +quiet within which the outside promised, bestowed his ill-humour upon +the inmates, and daily invented some new scheme for tormenting the +children. + +In one corner of the kitchen in which they generally played there was a +closet, where the brownie had located himself; and that he might watch +them, and see at what moment he could best torment them, he had thrust +out a knot that was in the closet door, thus making himself a little +window. + +Now, it happened one day that the eldest boy had the shoe-horn in his +hand, and merely in play stuck it in the knot-hole, whence it was +immediately ejected, striking the boy on the head. + +[Illustration: _The Brownie's revengeful Pranks._] + +As often as this was repeated so often it darted out, such good aim +being taken that it invariably struck one of them on the head, and +generally the one who had put it there. + +Though one always suffered, it was sport to the others, and therefore +the horn was frequently stuck in the hole, so that the brownie became +more and more irritated, not confining his pranks to the children, but +making the parents suffer in various ways. + +There would be noises in the night, and things that were in daily use +would all at once be mislaid, and, after ever so much trouble and +worry, found in places where they had already been a dozen times looked +for. There could be no doubt this was the brownie's doing, and there +could be still less doubt when the chair was moved back, just at the +moment when one of the old couple was going to sit down, and he or she +went rolling on the floor, for then a laugh was heard proceeding from +the moved chair. + +This trick was played them more particularly when they had anything +in their hands, such as a cup of tea, which would be emptied in the +falling one's face, and the laughing on such occasions was louder and +longer. + +At length, unable to bear it, the farmer determined to leave a house +where there was no longer any comfort, and, if possible, to let it. + +The last load of the furniture was being removed, and the Farmer, +following with his wife, said-- + +"I'm heavy at heart at leaving the old house, where, for years, we were +so happy, and perhaps we shall not find the new one half as convenient." + +"The new one will not be half as convenient," was uttered in a strange, +squeaky voice, which seemed to be in an old tub at the back of the cart. + +"Oh! oh! are you there?" cried the poor Farmer, "then we may as well +turn back." + +"Yes! turn back," said the squeaky voice. + +They did, in fact, turn back, and from that day peace was restored to +the house, for the brownie no longer tormented any of its inmates, nor, +indeed, gave any signs of being there, excepting by immediately darting +the shoe-horn out whenever it was put in the knot-hole. + + +THE END. + + + CHISWICK PRESS:--PRINTED BY WHITTINGHAM AND WILKINS, + TOOKS COURT, CHANCERY LANE. + + + + +Transcriber's note + + +Text in italics has been surrounded with _underscores_, and small +capitals were changed to all capitals. + +A few punctuation errors have been corrected silently, and an +extraneous space was removed. Otherwise the original was preserved, +including inconsistent spelling and hyphenation. For example: the river +Pegnitz is also spelled as Pegnetz, this has not been changed. + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's A Picture-book of Merry Tales, by Anonymous + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 43599 *** |