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diff --git a/43453-0.txt b/43453-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..60f6815 --- /dev/null +++ b/43453-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1300 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 43453 *** + +A PICKLE FOR THE KNOWING ONES, + +BY LORD TIMOTHY DEXTER, + +WITH AN + +Introductory Preface, + +BY A DISTINGUISHED CITIZEN OF "OULD NEWBERRY." + +FOURTH EDITION. + + NEWBURYPORT: + BLANCHARD & SARGENT. + 1848. + + +[Illustration: Lord Dexter and his Dog.] + + + + +PREFACE. + + +Timothy Dexter, the author of the following curious and unique production, +entitled "_A Pickle for the Knowing Ones_," which is here re-printed +verbatim et spellatim from the original edition, was born in Malden, +January 22, 1747. Having served an apprenticeship with a leather dresser, +he commenced business in Newburyport shortly after he was one and +twenty, and being industrious and economical, he soon found himself +in good circumstances. In the year 1770 he married, and receiving a +considerable amount of money with his wife, he was thus put in possession +of a moderate fortune. In 1776 he had for one of his apprentices the +no less eccentric, and afterwards the no less noted Jonathan Plumer, +jun., "travelling preacher, physician and poet," as he was accustomed +to style himself, and of whom we shall hereafter speak. In addition to +his regular business of selling leather breeches, gloves "soutabel for +wimen's ware," &c. he engaged in commercial speculations, and in various +kinds of business, and was unusually successful. He traded with merchants +and speculators in the then Province of Maine, was engaged to some extent +in the West India trade. He also purchased a large amount of what were +called State securities, which were eventually redeemed at prices far +exceeding their original cost. Some of his speculations in whalebone +and warming pans are mentioned by himself on page 23 of this work. Thus +in various ways he added to his property, and in a few years he became +a wealthy man. With wealth came the desire of distinction, and as his +vanity was inordinate he spared no expence in obtaining the notoriety he +sought. In the first place he purchased an elegant house in High Street, +Newburyport, and embellished it in his peculiar way. Minarets surmounted +with golden balls were placed on the roof, a large gilt eagle was placed +on the top, and a great variety of other ornaments. In front of his house +and land he caused to be erected between forty and fifty wooden statues, +full length and larger than life. The principal arch stood directly in +front of his door, and on this stood the figures of Washington, Adams +and Jefferson. There were also the statues of William Pitt, Franklin, +Bonaparte, George IV, Lord Nelson, Gen. Morgan, Cornplanter, an Indian +Chief, Jack Tar, Traveling Preacher, Maternal Affection, Two Grenadiers, +Four Lions and one Lamb, and conspicuous among them were two images of +Dexter himself, one of which held a label with the inscription "_I am the +first in the East, the first in the West, and the greatest philosopher +in the Western world_." In order that the interior of his house should +correspond with the exterior, the most costly furniture was imported from +France, and the walls hung with paintings, brought from Holland and other +parts of Europe. A library was also provided, but how large or valuable +we are not able to say. An elegant coach with a span of beautiful cream +colored horses was procured, on which was painted his coat of arms, +with the baronial supporters, after the manner of the English nobility. +With this equipage he took the title of Lord Dexter, because, as he said, +it was "the voice of the people at Large." He was sometimes called +the Marquis of Newburyport. Having completed the embelishments of his +house and gardens, Lord Dexter busied himself in receiving the visits of +the crowds, who were drawn by curiosity to his house. His gardens were +thrown open to their inspection, and he was liberal to all. The fame of +his hospitality attracted as many visitors as the fame of his images. To +gratify his vanity he selected in imitation of European princes, a poet +laureate. This was no other than his former apprentice, Jonathan Plumer, +jun., a native of Newbury. They had once been associated as master and +apprentice, but now stood in the relation of patron and poet. From the +auto-biography of Plumer a very curious and scarce production of 244 +pages, the following extract is taken, which may serve to give some idea +of the versatility of his genius.--"I had," says he, "some practice as +a physician, and earned something with my pen, but for several years +was obliged chiefly to follow various kinds of business accounted +less honorable, viz: Farming, repeating select passages from authors, +selling halibut, sawing wood, selling books and ballads in the streets, +serving as post boy, filling beds with straw and wheeling them to the +owners thereof, collecting rags, &c." He had previously served one or two +campaigns as a soldier, and on his return from the wars he taught school +for some time in New Hampshire. The ballads, which he hawked about, were +generally his own composition. Every horrid accident, bloody murder, a +shipwreck, or any other dreadful catastrophe, was sure to be followed by +a statement of the facts, a sermon and a poem. In the capacity of ballad +maker and monger he attracted the notice of Dexter, in whose service he +entered for a small salary as poet laureate. He wore a livery, consisting +of a black frock coat, adorned with stars and fringes, a cocked hat +and black breeches. He was crowned in the garden of his patron with a +wreath of parsley, instead of laurel, but the ceremony was interrupted +before its completion by a mob of boys, and both patron and poet put to +flight. One specimen of his laudatory verses may be seen on page 29 of +this work, which will give the reader some idea of his qualifications +for the office to which he was elected. How well he was satisfied with +the praises of the poet we are not informed, but feeling probably that +no person but himself could do justice to the ideas, which he wished +to present to the public, he commenced writing for the press. Several +of these effusions were printed in the newspapers.--The larger part +of them written at different times are embodied in the present work, a +large edition of which was published by himself and given away. In this +edition not a stop or a mark was used in any line of his writings, but +in the second edition one entire page was filled with stops and marks, +with a recommendation from the author to his readers, to use them where +they were wanted in the work, or in his own language, "to peper and +soolt it as they pleased." Dexter had two children, Samuel and Nancy, +neither of whom was distinguished for strength of intellect. The son was +a dissipated prodigal and died young. The daughter, of whom mention is +made by the father in the following pages, was married to Abraham Bishop +of New Haven, who we are informed treated her with neglect and cruelty. +A divorce followed and she became intemperate, lost what little reason +she had, and is still living, a wretched object. Lord Dexter himself, +if we may judge from his own writings and from what we have heard, was +not happy in his domestic relations. He complains much of his wife, +whom he calls the "gost," and charges the cause of his separation +from her for thirteen years to his son Bishop. His own temper was +irascible, and several stories are told of the excesses, into which +it would sometimes lead him. He ordered his painter, Mr. Babson, to +place the word "Constitution" on the scroll in the hand of the figure of +Jefferson, which the latter, knowing the artist designed it to represent +the Declaration of Independence, refused to do. Dexter was so incensed +by this refusal, that he went into the house, and brought out a pistol, +which he deliberately fired at the painter; but he was a poor shot, and +the ball missing its object, entered the side of the house. At another +time, seeing a countryman, as he thought, rather impudently viewing his +premises, he ordered his son to fire at the stranger. He refused to do so, +when the father threatened to shoot him unless he complied. His son then +obeyed. The stranger escaped unhurt, but entered a complaint, and Lord +Timothy was, in consequence, sentenced to the house of correction for +several months. He went thither in his own coach, priding himself +on being the first man who had been to the county house in his own +carriage, drawn by two splendid horses. He soon grew tired, however, of +his confinement, and procured a release, which it was said, cost him a +thousand dollars. The individual, who exercised most influence over Dexter +was a negro woman, named Lucy Lancaster, or as she was commonly called +"Black Luce," a woman of uncommon strength of mind, great shrewdness +and remarkable for her powers of memory and knowledge of human nature, +but as wicked as she was sagacious. She thought him an honest man, and +not so deficient in intellect as many people supposed, and attributed +his eccentricities to an excess of animal spirits.--This was probably to +some extent true, though it is certain that other spirits contributed in +no small degree to the excesses of his temper and the peculiarities of +his taste. He was addicted to drunkenness, and with his son and other +companions, kept up his revels in the best apartments of his house, +by which in a very short time, all his costly furniture was ruined, +or very much injured. + +"Not insensible that he must share the common lot, Dexter, many years +before his death, prepared himself a tomb. It was the basement story of +his summer-house, magnificently fitted, and open to the light of day. His +coffin, made of the best mahogany which he could find, superbly lined, +and adorned with silver handles, he kept in a room of the house, and +took great pleasure in exhibiting it to visitors--at other times it was +locked up. Soon after his death apparatus was prepared, Dexter got up a +mock funeral, which with all but his family and a few associates was to +pass as real. Various people in the town were invited by card, who came +and found the family clad in mourning, and preparations for the funeral +going forward. The burial service was read by a wag, who then pronounced +a bombastic eulogy upon the deceased. The mourners moved in procession to +the tomb in the garden, the coffin was deposited, and they returned to +the large hall, where a sumptuous entertainment was provided. While the +feast was going on, a loud noise attracted the guests to the kitchen, +where they beheld the arisen Lord caning his wife for not having shed +a tear during the ceremony! He entered the hall with the astonished +mourners, in high spirits, joined in the rout, threw money from the +window to the crowd of boys, and expressed his satisfaction with every +thing except the indifference of his wife, and the silence of the bells." + +Lord Dexter died at his house, on the 26th of October, 1806, in his 60th +year, and by direction of the Board of Health, his remains were interred +in the common burying place. His grave is marked by a simple stone. + +The Dexter mansion, is yet standing, and is a very fine tenement, but +retains few traces of the whims of its late proprietor. Of the images, +upwards of forty in number, only the three Presidents now remain, the +others having been cast down by the resistless hand of time. Some of +them were blown down in the great gale of September, 1815, and were sold +at auction. + +The cut fronting the Biography gives a very excellent and faithful +representation of Lord Dexter in his walking habits, and the likeness of +the dog is equally perfect. The dog was perfectly black and the skin as +entirely free from hair as that of an elephant. He differed as much from +other dogs as did his master and his friend, the poet, differ from other +people. The likenesses of all three were drawn with great accuracy by +James Aiken, Esq. now a resident of Philadelphia, and could the patron +and the poet be seen in proper person, dressed in the costume of that +day, they would be objects of great curiosity. But they are gone, and +of each it may be truly said, + + + We ne'er shall look upon his like again. + + +[Illustration: View of Lord Dexter's Mansion, High Street, Newburyport, +1806.] + + + + +A PICKLE + +FOR THE KNOWING ONES. + + +To mankind at Large the time is Com at Last the grat day of Regoising +what is that why I will tell you thous three kings is Rased Rased you +meane should know Rased on the first Royal Arch in the world olmost Not +quite but very hiw up upon so thay are good mark to be scene so the +womans Lik to see the frount and all people Loves to see them as the +quakers will Com and peape slyly and feele glad and say houe the doue +frind father Jorge washeton is in the senter king Addoms is at the Rite +hand the present king at the Left hand father gorge with his hat on the +other hats of the middel king with his sword king Addoms with his Cane +in a grand poster Adtetoude turning his fass towards the first king as +if they was on sum politicks king our present king he is stands hearing +being younger and very deafe in short being one grat felosfer Looks well +East & west and North & south deafe & very deafe the god of Natur has dun +very much for our present king and all our former ones they are all good +I want them to Live for Ever and I beleave thay will it is hard work to +be A king--I say it is hardar than tilling the ground I know it is for I +find it is hard work to be A Lord I dont desier the sound but to pleas +the peopel at Large Let it gou to brak the way it dus for Asort ment +to help a good Lafe to Cour the sick spleney goutey dul frames Lik my +selfe with the goute and so on make merry a Chealy Christen is for me +only be onnest No matter what they worshep son moune or stars or there +wife or miss if onnest Live forever money wont gitt thous figers so fast +as I wish I have sent to Leg horn for many mr bourr is one Amonks others +I sent in the grand Crecham thous 3 kings Are plane white colow at present +the Royal Arch & figers cost 39 pound wate silver the hiest Councaton +order in the world so it is sade by the knowing one I have only 4 Lions +& 1 Lam up the spred Eagel has bin up 3 years upon the Coupelay I have 13 +billors front in strat Row for 13 states when we begun 3 in the Rear 15 +foot hie 4 more on the grass see 2 the same hath at the Rite of the grand +Arch 2 at the left wing 15 foot hie the Arch 17 foot hie the my hous is +3 sorey upwards of 290 feet round the hous Nater has formed the ground +Eaquel to what you would wish for the Art by man Eaquel to a Solomun +the onerabel Jonathan Jackson one of the first in this Country for tast +borne A grat man by Nater then the best Lurning what sot me fored for +my plan having so gran spot the hool of the world Cant Excead this to +thous that dont know would think I was Like halfe the world A Lier I +have traveled good deale but old steady men sayeth it is the first that +it is the first best in this Contry & others Contrey I tell you this the +trouth that None of you grat men wodent be A frunted at my preseadens & +I spare Now Cost in the work I have the tempel of Reason in my garding +3 years past with a toume under it on the Eage of the grass see it cost +98 gineys besides the Coffen panted whit in side and out side tuched with +green Nobel trimings uncommon Lock so I can tak the kee in side and haye +fier works in the toume pipes and tobacker & A speaking trumpet and & +bibel to Read & sum good songs + +What is a presedent answer A king bonne partey the grate has as much +power as A king and ort to have & it is a massey he has for the good of +mankind he has as much power as Any king for grat ways back there must be +A head sum whare or the peopel is Lost Lik wild gees when thay Lous the +gander two Leged want A head if fore Leged both & 2 Leged fouls the Name +of presedent is to pleas the peopel at Large the sound souts best Now in +the south give way to the North the North give way to the south or by & +by you will brake what falers be wise on keep the Links to gether and if +you cant A gree Consoalated to A kingly power for you must keep together +at the wost hear it Labers ye les see there is so many men wants be the +all offesers & Now sogers poor king Every day wants A bone sum more then +others the king cant Live without the feald wee have had our turne grat +good father Addoms turne & turne About Rest Easey you all will be pleased +with the present king give time all did I say Now but the magor part +fore fifths at least. + + TIMOTHY DEXTER + + +Frinds hear me 2 granadears goss up in 20 days fourder frinds I will tell +the A tipe of man kind what is that 35 or 36 years gone A town caled +Noubry all won the Younited states Noubry peopel kept to gether quiet +till the Larned groed strong the farmers was 12 out of 20 thay wanted to +have the offesers in the Contry the Eaned in the see port wanted to have +them there geering A Rose groued warme fite thay wood in Law thay went +the Jnrel Cort to be sot of finely thay go there Eands Answered the see +port caled Newbury Port 600 Eakers of Land out of thirty thousand Eakers +of good Land so much for mad peopel of Larning makes them mad if thay +had kept to gether they wood have bin the sekent town in this stat A +bout halfe of boston Now men mad to be in offess it hurts the peopel ot +Large Like Carying the Innegent Lam to the slarter Now it would done to +dewide the North from the south all won what I have Leade down but now +keep to gether it is Like man and wife in troue Love Now guving death +in the grander you will sous the glory I say keep to gether dont brak +the Chane Renoue brotherle Love Never fade Like my box in my garding +be one grat familey give way to one A Nother thous changes is the tide +hie warter & Loue warte hie tids & Loue tids for my part I have Liked +all the kings all three all our broken marchants cant have beaths of +proffett gone and till the ground goue to work is all that has bin to +Coleage goue with slipers and promis to pay and Never pay only with A +Lye I gess 4 fifths is Coleage Lant or devel Lant or pretended to be +onnest free masions but are to the Contrey for give me for gessing I +hope it is Not so the Leaned is for Leovs & Littel fishes moses was but +A man and Aaron thay had sum devel like my selfe man is the same give +him power I say the Cloak Cukement maters the worst of cheats we hant +got ony N Port wee are Noted to be the first in the North sabed Day is +Not halfe A Nuf Night meatens it maks work for the Docters and Nuses +Caaching Could but them Lives breed fast to mak up for them that dies +poor creaters I pittey them so preast Riden it is wickard to leave poor +sols in to the grave all our minesters are imported Very good men foull +of Love of Crist I kep them A mit Amen at present. + +The yong man that doth most all my Carving his work is much Liked by +our grat men I felt founney one day I thort I would ask sade young man +whare he was bone he sade Now whare what is all that Now whare was your +mother over shaderd I says my mother was if I was to gess No I tell in +Now town borne o on the water I says you beat me and so wee Lafed and +it shuk of the spleane shoue him A Crows Neast he can carve one A fine +fellow--I shold had all marbel if any bodey could to me the prise so I +have sent for 8 busts for kings and grat men and 1 Lion & 2 gray hounds +I hope to hear in foue Days to all onnest men + + TIMOTHY DEXTER. + + +mister printter I must goue sum fourder I have got one good pen my fortin +has bin hard very hard that is I have hard Noks on my head 4 difrent times +from A boy to this Day twice taken up for dead two beating was a Lawyer +then he was mad be Case the peopel at Large Declared me Lord Dexter +king of Chester this at my Contrey seet 26 mils from N Port my plase +there is the fist from solt water to Canedy----this Lawyer that broused +me was Judg Livermore son Arther the same Creater borid 200 dolors sum +monts be fore this & then Oaded me he beat his bene factter it has bin my +Luck to be yoused ten times wos by them I doue the most for I have Lost +first and Last as much as A tun of silver grose my wife that was had +400 wut of silver Abraham bishup that married my dafter ten years gone +him & shee sence then & my son Samuel L Dexter upwards of seventeene +thousand Dolors the Rest by hamsher Col by Rougs has gokbey sekkent +handed preasts Deakens gruntters whimers Every foue minnets A sith or +Christ wee must be Leave in Crist o o Jeases will save us I thinks sum +times the saving solt & smoak & solt peater will in time be very dear +if it is yous the more smoak or the preasts will be out of work Littel +Like fister france I Lade out A blan to have holerdays one Day in ten 24 +years gone I thort it would save the Natision grat Deale of money sir in +one sentrey then the preasts wood have time to studdery then hamer Down +smartly make the sulffer smoak in their Nostils under the Cloak of bread +& wine the hipecricks Cloven foots thay Doue it to get power to Lie and +Not be mistruested all wars mostly by the suf the broken marchents are +fond of war for thay hant Nothing to Lous & the minesters in all wars +the Case o god Leave the Divel out when it is all Divel If you can bare +the trouth I will tell the trouth man is the best Annemel and the worst +all men are more or less the Divel but there is sit of ods sum halfe sum +three qurters the other part beast of Difrent kind of beasts sum one thing +and sum a Nother sum Like a Dog sum Lik horses sum bare sum Cat sum Lion +sum lik ouls sum a monkey sum wild Cat sum Lam sum A Dove sum a hogg sum +a oxe sum a snake I want Desepons to be Dun A way but thay wont Never be +as Long os prist Riden what Doue the preast prech to the Divel for all +there hearaes old & youn more or Less the Divel I Liked to sade so Divel +preaches to Divels Rebouking sin keep it up up up sayeth the hipacrits +mockers of god habits an Costom is the ods ods maks the diffrence I sees +god in all plases the god of Nater in all things wee Live and move in +god he is the god of Nateer all Nater is god take one Ellement from us +one of the fore take the fier or the water or or Eare or Earth wee are +gone so wee Live in god Now Less us all be good children doue all things +Rite the strong must bare the Infremiteys of the wicked shildren keep up +tite Laws Draw the Ranes Littel harder stop theavs as fast as you can bad +trade sheuuing Nine Numbers was Rot in 23 owers when I had hold of the pen +five owers & 35 minnets A sort ment A sort ment is good in A shop-------- + +The preasts fixes there goods six days then thay open shop on sundays +to sell there goods sum sets them of better than others bolerhed when +a man is so week he wont doue for A Lawyer mak a preast of him for week +thing to goue with week things the blind to Lead the blind so thay may +fall into one Dich and so thay goue throue the world darkiness but foue +peopel have A pinion of there one Not one in twenty as to this world +goods and so it is as to the other world to Inquire the way goue to a +fryer our peopel A bout the same thing only call it sumthing Else in +Rum of a king call it presedent but preasts have money to save sols I +want to know what a sole is I wish to see one Not a gizard I thinks the +sole is the thinking part there is grat minds & Littel minds grat sols & +Littel sols grat minds & littel minds According to the hevdey boddeys +that has the power of our boddeys the same mother and the same father +and six children how thay will differ in Looks complexions and axons sum +for grat thing sum for littel things sumthing Nouw I say I say my figers +will pay Intress money prove it first going over my brige sum more tole +then helping the markett of the town Leeting hoses tavern keepers costom +the honner to the town & my self. + + TIMOTHY DEXTER. + + +one thing fourder I have bin convarted upwards 30 years quite Resined +for the day the grat day I wish the preast Node as much as I think I +doue there harts would Leap up to glory to be so Reader for the time +of Rejoisng to goue to goue to be maried to what a fine widow with hur +lamp bourning the Lamps trimed with glorey the shaking quickers after +thay git convarted and there sins washed A way thay stay at home & Let +theus goue unclene and so it is much so with me I stay at home praying +for theavs and Rougs to be saved Day and Night praying for siners poour +creaters my hous keeper is in the dark was then bad Crasey to be saved +shee says shee has sind against the holey gost I have Asked her what is +shee says it is sumthing but cant find out way sends for the preast coms +what is the mater gost gost Dear sir & the minester makes a prayer the +gost went of mostly not all part stayed behind shee has bin Crasey Ever +sence the prest cant Lay the sepont houe many Nick Names three things +have so sayeth the preacher Amen Amen see fath I du + + * * * * * + + +Noue mister printer _sir_ I was at Noue haven 7 years and seven monts +past at commencent Degrees going on 40 boys was tuck degrees to doue +good or Not good the ole man with the hat on told them to suddey houeman +Nater & walk as A band of brothers from that day I thort that all thous +that was baot up to Coleage the meaning was to git there Liveing out +of the Labeer If the Coleages was to continer one sentrey & keep up +the game recken the cost of All from there cradel to 22 years old all +there fathers and gurd inands to Lay out one houndred years intress & +intress upon intress atress gess at it & cast it see houe many houndred +thousand millons of Dolors it would Com to to mad Rougs and theavs to +plunder the Labering man that sweats to git his bread good common Laning +is the best sum good books is best well under stoud be onnest dont be +preast Riden it is a cheat all be onnest in all things Now feare Let +this goue as you find it my way speling houe is the strangest man + + T DEXTER + + +fourder mister for A minester to git the tone is a grat pint when I +lived in hamsher one Noue Lit babstis babler sobed A way just fineshing +his sermon he says o good Lord I hop you will consider what foue hints +I have given and I will cleare it up sum time hence I am much wore down +now the wether being very worme to day Less bray & so went on fire fire +& brimstone & grunting & fithing and tried to cry & snufel & blow the +sconks horne & sum the old souls & yong fouls sot to crying I tuck my +hat and went out houe mankind & women kind is imposed upon all over the +world more or less by preast craft o for shame o for shame I pittey them +be onnest doue as you would wish others to doue unto you in all things +Now fear of Death Amen + + T D'r + + +fourder what difrent wous wee have of this world & the other world two +good women Lived in A town whare I once lived one was sick of a consumson +Near Death both belonged to the Church very onnest only the well woman +was week in wous & thing says unto the sik woman I thinks you will see +my housbon doue tell him I and my son A greus very well and wee are all +well and the sow is piged and got seaven prittey pigs and fare you well +sister this I beleave is serting troue & so fare the well--I shall com +A gane in Littel while + +and fourdermore I am for sum foue Decephons but very foue fouer then +Deathe preast craft is very good for what to make old women gront and +yong children cry and old fouls fling snort o ye's and brak up farimeys +Doun by untrouths Lying and swaring to A Lye stop I am a Live old me +I have heard your wickard stuff you have ingerd my frinds a plenty and +if you dont stop I will call forth one Abraham bishup to put Niklos and +all that trys to keep up Lying if there should be any such stuf in the +Land Church members pant to be fonnd of Desepchon thay are perfect but +if there is any put them with the tufe bourne the Roubege pise on it or +that feare Not wind or filth go by the Rackel breed and wos then tourd +I Like to sade Now shite stink strong bread & wine master botill houe +is the boull a black man a frind to John mekel jentel man from A Crows +Nest Whare Now where ass Cole cole ass whare whare Now whare o yefs sum +whare deare oilen Now the Ingons Lived there onle that Cant be he was +from hell whare his or was brother came from oyes oyess o yess a Crows +Neast or orgen pouler Down + + + + +FROM THE MUSEUM OF + +TIMOTHY DEXTER, ESQ. + + +Ime the first Lord in the younited States of A mercary Now of Newburyport +it is the voise of the peopel and I cant Help it and so Let it goue Now as +I must be Lord there will foler many more Lords prittey soune for it Dont +hurt A Cat Nor the mouse Nor the son Nor the water Nor the Eare then goue +on all in Easey Now bons broaken all is well all in Love Now I be gin to +Lay the Corner ston with grat Remembrence of my father Jorge Washington +the grate herow 17 sentreys past before we found so good A father to his +children and Now gone to Rest Now to shoue my Love to my father and grate +Carieters I will shoue the world one of the grate Wonders of the world in +15 months if Now man mourders me in Dors or out Dors such A mouserum on +Earth will annonce O Lord thou knowest to be troue fourder hear me good +Lord I am A goueing to Let or shildren know Now to see good Lord what has +bin in the world grat wase back to own fore fathers Not old plimeth but +stop to Addom & Eve to shoue 45 figers two Leged and fore Leged becose we +Cant Doue well without fore Legd in the first plase they are our foude +in the Next plase to make out Dexters mouseum I wants 4 Lions to defend +thous grat and mistry men from East to wist from North to South which +Now are at the plases Rased the Lam is Not Readey in short meater if +Agreabel I forme A good and peasabel govement on my Land in Newburyport +Compleat I take 3 presedents hamsher govener all to Noue York and the +grate mister John Jay is one, that maks 2 in that state the king of grat +britton mister pitt Roufus King Cros over to france Loues the 16 and +then the grate bonnepartey the grate and there segnetoure Crow biddey--I +Command pease and the gratest brotherly Love and Not fade be Linked to +gether with that best of troue Love so as to govern all nasions on the +fass of the gloub not to tiranize over them but to put them to order if +any Despout shall A Rise as to boundreys or Any maturs of Importence it +is Left france and grat britton and Amacarey to be setteled A Congress +to be always in france all Despouts is to be thare seteled and this may +be Dun this will balless powers and then all wars Dun A way there fore +I have the Lam to lay Dow with the Lion Now this may be Dun if thos three +powers would A geray to Lay what is called Devel one side and Not Carry +the gentelman pack hors Any longer but shake him off as dust on your +feet and Laff at him there is a grate noise aboute a toue Leged Creter +he says I am going to set sade black Divel there stop he would scare +the womans so there would be No youse for the bilding I should have to +E rect sum Noue won Now I stop hear I puts the Devil Long with the bull +for he is a bulling 2 Leged Annemal stop put him one side Near Soloman +Looking with Soloman to Ladey venus Now stop wind up there is grat ods +in froute I will Let you know the sekret houe you may see the Devel +stand on your head before a Loucking glass and take a bibel in to your +bousom fast 40 owers and look in the loucking glass there is no Devilif +you dont see the ould fellow but I affirm you will see that ould Devel + +Unto you all mankind Com to my hous to mock and sneare whi ye Dont you +Lafe be fore god or I meane your betters think the heir power Dont know +thorts and Axsions Now I will tell you good and bad it is Not pelite to +Com to see what the bare walls keep of my ground if you are gentel men you +would stay Away when all is Dun in marble I expect to goue out myself to +Help if thous grat men will send on there Likeness all over the younited +States I wish all the printers to give Notis if pleases to in form by +printen in the Nouspapers for the good of the holl of man kind------ + +I waus to make my Enemys grin in time Lik A Cat over a hot puding and +goue Away and hang there heads Doun Like a Dogg bin After sheep gilty +stop see I am Afrade I Rite toue hash my peopel Complane of backker +spittel maks work to Cleane it up----in the women skouls A bout it spit +in ther hankershif or not spit A tall I must say sumthing or I should +say Nothing therefore make sum Noise in the world when I git so ouely +to Nash my goms and grising for water and that is salt water when brot A +yong Devel to bring it and A Scoyer to wate and tend on gentelmen A black +Suier his breth Smelt wos then bram stone by far but Let the Devel goue +in to Darknes an takeld his due to Descare mankind for A Littel while this +Cloven foot is seen be sum but the trap will over hall the Devel in tim I +pittey this poore black man I thinc his master wants purging a Littel to +har ber mr Devel A most but I did Not say Let him Run A way good Nit mr +Devel Cary the sword and mwney with you tak John mekel Jentel man good Not + + T DEXTER + + + + +THIS COMETH GREETING + +mister printers the Igrent or the Nowing wons says I ort to Doue as thay +doue to keep up Cheats or the same thing Desephons to Deseave the Igrent +so wee may Cheat and Likewise have wars and plunder my wish is all Liers +may have there part of fier and brimstone in this world or at least sum +part of it or Else the gouement is Not good it will want pourging soone +if A Lawyer is to way Lay a man and brouse him unmassely All most to +Death A sitteson that pays twentey fore Dolors for Careags and not more +then one Dolor A week to ment the hiways and my being Libperel is in +part of this bloddey Afare No sauage would beat a man as I was beaten +almost to Death I Did not know houe these men Came to keep sade Lawyer +from quit killing of me till sum time After three men saw the Axon of +the blodey seene without massey and carried sade Dexter in to the house +sun fanting or Neare to se and behold the orful site bleading and blind +of one Eye twoue brousings in two hours at Least Now Laws in this part +of the world for A man of money to Live those I lend money to and A +Lawyer and others thay youse me the wost it maks Inemys then these Rogs +if there is Any that call me A soull and pick a Qualrel with me A bout +my Nous papers so as to pay the Lawyer Craft to make up the molton Calf +A molton Calfe Not an Ox Now the town of Chester has Lost two _Hundred +wate of Siver_ at Least I beleuv more money Now thay may have me in the +town or A Lawyer Chouse for yourselves my frinds and felow mortels pease +be with you All A men selagh finely brethren sum thing more Coming---- + +_Chester, Sept. 29, 1796._ + + TIMOTHY DEXTER + + + * * * * * + + +For the Impartial Herald. + +_Messrs. Blunt & March_, + +I say to whom it may concern--to the majesty of the people of Newburyport, +Greeting-- + +It costs Eight hundred Dollars a year to support a watch in this town, and +yer gentlemen's windows are broken, fences pulled down and Cellars broken +open, and much other misdemeanors done at night. Are the watch asleep, or +are they afraid to detect those who are guilty of such practises? Boast +not of it if you call this Liberty and Equality. Newburyport has had +the name of being a very civil worthy place; it is a great pity some bad +boys or young men should disgrace it. I hope our worthy and honorable +rulers will bring those rude lads to see themselves and lick the dust +like serpents, and ask forgiveness of their betters, and do so no more, +but repent and live. + +Now fellow citizens is it wisdom, is it policy, to use a man or men so +shocking bad as to oblige them to leave the town where they paid one +Dollar a day to support government? + +A friend to good order, honor to whom it belongs--to great men a +friend--to all good citizens and honest men good bye. + + * * * * * + + +Whereas many philosophers has judged or guessed at many things about +this world, and so on. Now I suppose I may guess, as it is guessing +times. I guess the world is one very large living creature, and always +was, and always will be without any end from everlasting to everlasting, +and no end. What grows on this large creature is trees and many other +things. In the room of hair the rocks is moulds. This is called land +where the hair grows, the belly the sea--all kinds of fish is the worms +in the belly. This large body wants dressing to get our living of this +creature and by industry we get a living--we and all the animal creation +is less than fleas in comparison on the back or belly of this very large +immense body. Among the hairs to work this great body is that of nature, +past finding out.--All we know is we are here, we come into the world +crying and go out groaning. Mankind is the master beast on the earth--in +the sea, the whale is the head fish--the minim is the smallest fish--the +great fish eat up the little ones, and so not only destroy one another, +but they are master over the whole of beasts and fish, even over a lion, +therefore man is the masterly beast and the worst of the whole--they know +the most, and act the worst according to what they know. Seeing mankind so +bad by nature, I think when the candle goes out, men and women is done, +they will lay as dirt or rocks till the great gun fires, and when that +goes off the gun will be so large that the gun will contain nine hundred +million tons of the best of good powder, then that will shake and bring +all the bones together, then the world will be to an end. All kinds of +music will be going on, funding systems will be laid aside, the melody +will be very great. Now why cant you all believe the above written as +well as many other things to be true; as well as what was set forth in +the last Centinel concerning digging up a frog twenty five feet below +the surface, where it was most as hard as a rock--there was his shape +like taking a stone out of a rock--This is from a minister. Now why wont +you believe me as well. + + * * * * * + + +WONDER OF WONDERS! + +How great the soul is! Do not you all wonder & admire to see and behold +and hear? Can you all believe half the truth, and admire to hear the +wonders how great the soul is--only behold--past finding out! Only see +how large the soul is!--that if a man is drowned in the sea, what a +great bubble comes up out of the top of the water! the last of the man +dying under water--this is wind--is the soul that is the last to ascend +out of the deep to glory--it is the breath from on high doth go on high +to glory. The bubble is the soul. A young fellow's for gunning for the +good of bodies and souls. + + * * * * * + + +My frinds & felow mortals there is A first Cose of all things most +Comle so it Came to pass that one Abraham bish up got A qanted with my +Dafter--shee A babey he Old in Eage and Larning and Colage Lant & Lawyer +Lant and preast Lant and masonik Lant and Divel Lant he was then Nothing +as for Cash he being A fox and A old fox he was After the graps he tasted +of them he Cryed out fower this Anne meal sent my Dafter home he sad A b +did Not git all the Lovs & Littel fishes but got A part and Now 9 years +I have Now had my Dafter Crasey in & by the Cose of this wild A & b hell +on Earth o o pittey me All good felow mortels sade Creater A b mad with +Larning & as pour as A snake and as proud as Lousfer he sade his father +was worth twenty thosand Dolors & he was Not more than five thousand +Dolors he send for bishup bass to be mared befor dublessed & Insisted to +be maried he says Daxter may Crye them Down in the Lore Reogon After sum +time thay got published then he in sisted Not to have Any witness went +and hid finly my gost my wife that was the gost 13 yearst Last march thay +where maried I was maried to the gost thirtey five Last may I have bin +in hell all the time more so sence Abraham bishup got in to my house he +hurt me and familey one tun of silver it was the Cose of my parting with +mis Dexter Now I Am free Now for A wife that has A sole the gost was A +gisard & A Cose all Round her A b striking my Dafter on hur side as shee +swares to grat Lawyer Dexter and to many others I be Leave it that knows +the trouth the bloue he gave hur on the side shee had to put plasters on +her side Neare three years when Likker is in the wit is scattered A b is +the beast or Creater two Leged Conekett boull short Nek boull head thik +hare big sholders black Corlley hare he wants to be A god but what I sot +sade Creater Down at short A quatence I Can prove it my selfe by men of +the sekent magentoude my gesing of the Creater it tourned out According +to my gessing and when I see my father the grat good man father Thomas +gefsion I will Let the Cat out of the bag and give Lite to the blind +sade A b will Doue for sum offess Everye Annemel will Doue for sumthing +A b will mak a midling good CAMP COLLEMON A thing hier if I am a Roug in +grane so be it A Lepard Cant Alter hur spots Nor beaver wont groue on A +houk back I be Leave if my father the presente koue the holl trouth of +A b treatment to my Dafter from her mouth the grat man woul shead tears +with greafe and all good peopel Like wise shocking is the A fare + +I am + + TIMOTHY DEXTER + + * * * * * + +To man kind at Large I Never had the honour to be Long I meane to that +onerabel mesonek Order I Noked once once twise three times & the gohst +Apeared sade thou shall Not enter be Cose I have toue much knowledge in +my head--I sopose had I bin one then should bin to keep open Dors for +thives & Robers I have Rougs plentey without keeping tavern I Dont wont +Now Abrahams Nor Aney of the order only fict Ladeys mared and grat gentil +men that belongs out of the town mared peopol and fine widders I wish +to see with pleasur for I wonts to marey A fine wider for I hant had +Now wife for thirteene years Next orgest I gave the gost fore hundred +wate of silver to quit the state grat Lawyer passons the gient of the +Law Rote the Contract the Cose of it was that mis Dexter that was would +have my Dafter marey to A bishup Cosed the A greement the sole Cose +she has two trousteays which have the money to deal out the intress +and shee is so ginress shee bys hur Neadels I bys the pins & sisers & +all things Else shee Leaves the in tress in the hands of the trosteys +I must have A Companon soun good by all At present with glorey + + TIMOTHY DEXTER + + +I ask for giveness of the world of mankind for teling the trouth I meane +No hurt to A flie only when he bits me then I kils the flye if I can I +have bin my one tromter fore teene years my tromter is Dead my haveing +so many wounds in fas and on my head I Doue it to make a good Lafe to +keep my sperets from sinking pittey me all good peopel A men + +and fourder I maried widder frothingham shee had fore Children the holl +of all there stats was short of thirteene houndred Dolors this woman +groed mad shee sade shee must goue to hell goue ferting for I have fined +A ganst the holey goast un pardinbell sin shee was for making way with +hur selfe in three monts I got the best minister in town to Lay the gost +he prayed hartey but Could Not Laye the serpent only in part shee has +bin Cracey Every sence it is A wonder I am A Live two children suked +hur brest--it is heretarey two Children maried now Live upon me being +disorded thay beat me offen with Death Cloube & the old gost toue bad to +say I be silent under serkoumstanes I mus Cout & Roum sell the one of the +first plases all most in the world for I am in grat fear of my Life being +taken A way such blows I have had from toue or three gost in my familey +is worth twelve hundred hoxets of geamator best shougers Even A saxton to +take the blows I wodent for fifty milon Dollors words cant Express the +bloddey war in my familey three gosts all Noys Robing of me I must sell +with tears in my Eys I Cant see to Rite Aany more fare well I say good bye + + T DEXTER + + +[Illustration] + + +How Did Dexter make his money Inw ye says bying whale bone for stain for +ships in grosing three houndred & 40 tuns bort all in boston salum and all +in Noue york under Cover oppenly told them for my ships thay all Lafed so +I had at my one prise I had four Couning men for Rouners thay souned the +horne as I told them to Act the fool I was foull of Cash I had Nine tun +of silver on hand at that time all that time the Creaters more or Less +Lafing it spread very fast heare is the Rub in fifty Days thay smelt A +Rat found whare it was gone to Nouebry Port speklaters swarmed Like hell +houns to be short with it I made seventey five per sent one tun and halfe +of silver and over one more spect Drole A Nouf I Dreamed of warming pans +three Nits that thay would doue in the west ingas I got not more than +fortey two thousand put them in Nine vessele for difrent ports that tuck +good hold------I cleared sevinty nine per sent------the pans thay mad +yous of them for Coucking very good master for Coukey blessed good in +Deade missey got Nise handed Now bourn my fase the best thing I Ever see +in borne days I found I was very luckkey in spekkelasion I Dreamed that +the good book was Run Down in this Countrey Nine years gone so Low az +halfe prise and Dull at that the bibbel I means I had the Readey Cash +by holl sale I bort twelve per sent under halfe prise thay Cost forty +one sents Each bibels twenty one thousand I put them into twenty one +vessels for the westinges and sent A text that all of them must have one +bibel in Every familey or if not thay would goue to hell and if thay had +Dun wiked flie to the bibel and on thare Neas and kiss the bibel three +times and Look up to heaven Annest for giveness my Capttens all had +Compleat orders heare Coms the good Luck I made one hundred per sent +& Littel over then I found I had made money A Nuf I hant speck A Lated +sence old times by goverment secourties I made or cleared forty seven +thousands Dolors that is the old A fare Now I toald the all the sekrett +Now be still Let me A Lone Dont wonder Now more houe I got my money boaz + + T DEXTER + + * * * * * + + +Now to all onnest men to pittey me that I have bin in hell: 35 years +in this world with the gost A woman I maried and have two Children Now +Liveing Abram bishup mared my Dafter sence the troubel is such that +words Cant be Exprexed Nine years disorded for a tun of silver for three +months I could Not have the gost in my pallas sleep Not have to be had +Now to save my Life I will sell if Not I will Let the house it is as +Notted as Any hous in the oile shouls and furder in the world or sence +Noers Arke & sence the floud taking in my self finly such A plase No +whare in the world all gous with it hoses chareags all but plate & +gouels A Reserve the holey bybel and one bouck more my old head has +wore out three boddeys it would take a journey of Docters one our to +find and Count the scars on my head given by the goust & others Amen + +Joune 12- 1805 Clean trouth + + T DEXTER + + + * * * * * + + +I say the grate mister Divel that has so maney Nick Names a frind to +the preasts Now is dead all and the pope Likewise and the founders of +mesonic A Cheat foull of war and gratness of hell Dead preasts Dead and +Lawyers Damede Deade A braham b bi Ass Dead and All the frinds of mankind +sings prasses that wee are the grat familey of mankind Now out of hell +Deleured from fire and smoak bourning for Ever Now all in heaven uppon +Earth Now all frinds Now for A Day of Regoising all over the world as +one grate familey all Nasions to be ounited No more wars for fifty years +and Longer I Recommend pease A Congress in france and when wee are Ripe +for A Emper in this Contrey Call for me to take the helm or a Consler +in the Afare of trouth Amen and Amen + + TIMOTHY DEXTER + + +P S--one thing further I happened not to think of that grate Creature +which some fools Call the Goast and others say that he is wanted--But +I thing that it will be of searvice to let the Thanttron Dye + + T DEXTER + + * * * * * + + +Scarting trouths fortey six years gone old french war to git men and Lads +to List the prests told them thay would Live as Long as if thay staed +at home for Every boulitt had its Commison from the Lord he directed +them one time when old good mister Emmerson had A gurnemon to preach +I heard him say for Addom sin there was Now in hell milons of milons of +Children Not more than A span Long all this is troue and when there was +a A Drouth most over thay would Call A fast and pray very Annest for the +bottels of heaven to be on Corked so the Rane mit Com Down the minester +did Not say how Larg thay whare I gess they held five hundred hoxetts Each + +1805 may 27 + + TIMOTHY DEXTER + + * * * * * + + +Trouth I afirme I am so much of A foule the Rougs want to git my Jouels +& Loavs & Littel fishes without my Leave Leave is Lit thay all Caled me +A foull forty years Now I will Call all fouls but onnes men Now to brove me +A foull I Never Could sing Nor play Cards Nor Dance Nor tell A Long storey +Nor play on Any mouskel Nor pray Nor make A pen when I was young I Could +play on A Jous harp it would mak my mouth warter and the Ladeys sumthing +warter gess what I sade Nothing A good Lafe is beter than Crying A Clam +will Cry And warter wen thay are out of there Ellemen so wee the same if +I had Not the gost in my house I would I mean give Lite to my brothers & +sisters and have A pease all over the world and beat the trouthe into +my frinds houe goud it is houe onnest it would be and houe man kind has +bin in posed upon & houe thay have bin blinded with untrouths gosts and +mister Divels there is Now None of that order all Lye the mesonek if thay +wilt make a book of trouth I will give the Creaters but I will take the +Chare and put my frind bonne partey on my Rte hand And the grat ginrel +meroue on my Left hand A Nuf to give the sword is in the banks A Emper +only be still I will take the helm in Love I am A quaker No blod spiled +all in the Love of A Emper you will have in fortey years I may Com back & +see houe you all goue on & what you ware when the gost is gone and mister +Divel pease on Earth be fore I will have a war in my Day I will be your +frind the Emper and if I want help I will Call my frind boneypartey and +gorge the third & Dewide the Lose Now take Care peas I say Except of what +is Rewealed to me for it will Com to pass I was born when grat powers +Rouled I was borne in 1747 Janeuarey 22 on this day in the morning A grat +snow storme the sines in the seventh house wives mars Came fored Joupeter +stud by houlding the Candel I was to be one grat man mars got the beth +to be onnest man to Doue good to my felow mortelz I think I am A quaker +but I have so Littel sense I Cant Deseave I Can swep my hous & git all +A Noue gelt & goue out of hell is bless Law and trouth and Reason on my +side it must be done when I git my worthy widdow it is Dun Not one word +of Anger as Long as I Live to a A good woman I a firme + + TIMOTHY DEXTER + + +fourder I Dont have Aney of the Ladeys of prinsbell spend the Intress I +will spend Day and Nite All I have and Doue all the good to please I can +make as much heaven upon Earth as posbel and then Dye in peas A men and +Amen for A Companon I must have to make out this heaven then I am happy +the goue in the dark in pease when the Candel gous out in the--Lord god +of Nater one more A men good bye + + T DEXTER + + +forder A grate good man Came to see me Not Long sence I told sade man +I had many Innemys he says be Cos you are toue onnest to be beloved you +Dont gine in Comon ways with Rougs bibel making mesonik order to promes +to pay & Never pay only with A Lye and gine heell on Earth Cheat all +you Can gine the mob then you are A brother Now I am glad I did Not Nock +the Doer Down my good Louck my god and my god blessed be my good Luch + + T DEXTER + + +sum more sweet meats & trouths I say Now man sence Noers Ark Dare to Rite +of so Littel Laning I begon when abrham was in my hous I then Rote this +world was hell & men was Divels sum better then others sum white Divels +sum black & sum Copper Divels I for got them bloue Divels this spred far +was printed in many papers a bishop Cosed my blood to bile thirteene years +last March as when I begun to Rite I sade the grat Rougs was the best men +o o for shame the onnest man was Lafed at & a b being foull of Larning it +maks him mad to be a Lousefer his Rane is short I hope to see my father +the grat felosfer the presedent before I die the trouth he must know a men + + T DEXTER + + +I Crys Crys Lik a babey when I Rits my trobel is so grat to have my +Dafter so Crasey the Rick of our Lives such blows with such weapons of +a sudden & strike such brouses is worth thirty millon of Dolors for a +pouer man to have and others o brous me thay wont my Life to git my money +& so I must seel & be a sitteson of the world it is a wonder I am a Live +the burds will Chip offen before I Can git to sleep the Noys is so grate +all hell No more a b bishups he wants to be Deatey Let sade beast goue +once & twise act so Now toue much Laning make Rougs and fouls in the +Eand Dig a Dich & fall in to it white Rop or a hare Rop taks them in time + + trouth + + * * * * * + + +This is revealed to me how the world was made with what stuff it was made +with is the question Now I tell the with paper pen and ink and type the +Anemels to be the founders of it with a Lye & Lyes upon Lyes wose then +beasts or Snaks or wouls or bars tigers Divils and ten times wose with all +Lyes untrouths the world allways was and is Look out for trouth a men I + + TIMOTHY DEXTER + + +fourder in six Days and verey good and harde Laber I Cant gitt my +monement Dun in sixty Days and work hard very hard & sweet it was for +want of maney hands I had No hiram Nor Solomon only my selfe + + T DEXTER + + +World makers mankind with marbel and parchment and paper pen & ink and +printers tips and Lyes upon Lyes amen and amen the world was made in six +Days out of Nothing o yess o lye Now all troue Lye yess all the world over + + TIMOTHY DEXTER + + + + +APPENDIX. + +IN HONOR OF + +TIMOTHY DEXTER, ESQ. + + +This great philosopher may indeed be styled a phenomenon in nature! The +many literary qualifications he possesses rank him foremost among literary +characters.----That unequalled production from the pen of this wonderful +philosopher, denominated "_A Pickle for the Knowing Ones_," has not only +received universal applause, and been ranked as of the first magnitude +in the literary world, but has had such rapidity in its sale, that a +copy cannot be procured, though diligently sought after by men of the +most transcendant merit. + +Where can we find a man so extensively useful, and so eminently +calculated to diffuse light to a dark and ignorant multitude, as this +rare philosopher? How penetrating his understanding! How deep his +ideas! What a multitude of discoveries which before were hid in embryo, +have made their appearance at the nod of his genius! Surely we may say, +Blessed are the people who are highly favored with the greatest Luminary +that ever gave light to an existing world!! + +While aiming at a just portrait of this remarkable Naturalist and +Philosopher, his generosity is no less a subject of admiration, than +his literary and philosophical abilities. The readiness with which his +benevolent soul bestows donations calls forth the grateful acknowledgement +of all who have been liberally assisted from his bountiful hand. + +See him the first to assist in building a church for the worship of +God! See him liberally give for the purchase of bells, the ready cash, +without hesitation! See him expending his fortune to preserve in +everlasting romembrance, characters who have shone with unexampled +greatness in Europe and America! Here the subject fails. Vain man may +as well attempt to stop the course of nature, as to do ample justice to +this wonderful man! + + + Behold all nature stands aghast + To hear thy fame from east to west! + How great how grand of thee we hear, + Thou man of sense--thou eastern star! + + All men inquire--but few can tell + How thou in science doth excel! + Great philosophic genius, we, + The meanest reptiles, bow the knee. + + At thy majestic shrine we shrink! + What can we do, or say, or think! + When contemplating on thy worth. + Which hath astonish'd all the earth. + + Great DEXTER, did the world do right, + Thy name would shine with brilliant light! + Each would declare thy wond'rous fame, + And shout at DEXTER'S mighty name! + + * * * * * + + + SALEM, _June 14, 1805_ + +MY LORD DEXTER, + +By the politeness of Mr. _Emerson_ I received the very valuable contents +of your package. A new edition of that unprecedented performance, entitled +"A Pickle for the Knowing Ones," &c. is very urgently called for by the +friends of literature in this country and in England--and I presume with +the additions and improvements intended to accompany the second edition, +provided it should be well printed, would entitle the author to a seat +with the Disciples of Sir Joseph Banks, if not to a place in Bonaparte's +Legion of Honor--for my Lord DEXTER is an honorable man. But, sir, the +work cannot be executed for the sum named--nor in the time specified.--I +will print an edition of 500 copies with the additions, for fifty dollars, +and cannot possibly do them for less. + +Wishing your Lordship health in perpetuity--a continuance of your +admirable reasoning faculties--good _spirits_, and an abundance of +wealth--and finally a safe passage over any river not with _Sticks_, +but a pleasure boat, I remain yours with the utmost profundity. + + W. CARLTON. + + _The Right Honorable Lord_ DEXTER, } + _Kt. Newburyport_. } + + + * * * * * + + +_The follering peases are not my Riting but very drole_ + + TIMOTHY DEXTER + + +MR. MELCHER, + + _Your publishing the following extract from a letter said to be + from a trader among the Indians to a friend, may amuse some of + your customers for the Gazette._ + +A few days ago one of the Indians paid me a visit. After some +conversation, he said that a minister from the United States had been with +his tribe to teach them the Christian religion. He says that there is but +one only living and true God, who is a good, wise, and powerful spirit +(this Indian say too) and that there are three persons in the god head, +of one substance and power, God the father, God the Son and God the Holy +Ghost, that the Father is of none, neither begotten, or proceeding, +the Son is eternally begotten of the Father, the Holy Ghost eternally +proceeding from the Father and the Son, and that the Holy Ghost visited +a virgin, and conveyed the Son into her; where he continued nine moons +and then was born like other children, was born God and man, that when +he was about thirty years old began to preach, but the great men no like +his preaching, sent their warriors, who took and killed him. + +Indians ask what all this talk mean, he say that the first man and woman +broke God's law in eating what God had forbidden, that therefore they and +all the children that should proceed from them must die, and be punished +after death forever; that the Son came and died to save some of mankind +from being punished after death. Oh! 'trange that man could kill God +the Son, and that his death be of service to mankind--great many people +die before the Son of God, and did not know any thing about him--it was +then asked whether his dying would do poor Indians any good; he say yes, +if they believe; then me say that pappoose no believe them do no good; +he say you must leave that with God, and believe for yourself--one say +it is hard to believe such 'tories; if Indian tell such 'trange things, +the white people no believe um. + + + _A curious Sermon, by the Rev. Mr. Hyberdin, which he made at + the request of certain thieves that robbed him on a hill near + Hartlgrow, in Hampshire, (England) in their presence and at + that instant._ + +I greatly marvel that any man will disgrace thieving, and think that +the doers thereof are worthy of death, considering it as a thing that +cometh near unto virtue, being used in all countries, and allowed by +God himself; the thing which I cannot compendiously show unto you at so +short a warning, and on so sharp an occasion. I must desire you, gentle +audience of thieves, to take in good part what at this time cometh into +my mind, not doubting but that you, through your good knowledge, are +able to add much more unto it, than this which I shall now offer unto you. + +First, Fortitude and stoutness of courage, and also boldness of mind, +is commended of some men to be a virtue; which being granted, who is +there then that will not judge thieves to be virtuous? For they are of +all men the most stout and hardy, and the most void of fear; for thieving +is a thing usual among all men; for not only you that are here present, +but also many others in divers places, both men, women and children, rich +and poor, are daily of the faculty, as the hangman at Newgate can testify; +and that it is allowed of by God himself is evident from Scripture; For +if you examine the whole course of the Bible you will find that thieves +have been beloved of God; for Jacob, when he came out of Mesopotamia, +did steal his uncle Laban's kids. The same Jacob did also steal his +brother Esau's blessing; and yet God said, _I have chosen Jacob and +refused Esau_. The children of Israel, when they came out of Egypt, +did steal the Egyptian's jewels of silver and jewels of gold, as God +commanded them to do. + +David, in the days of Abiathar, the high priest, came into the temple and +stole the hallowed bread; and yet God said, "David is a man after my own +heart." Christ himself, when he was here on earth, did take an ass and +colt that was none of his; and yet God said, "This is my beloved son, +in whom I am well pleased." _Thus you see that God delighted in thieves._ + +But most of all I marvel that men can despise thieves, whereas in many +points you be like Christ himself; for Christ had no dwelling place no +more than you--Christ at length was caught, and so will you--he went to +hell and so will you. In this you differ from him, for he rose and went +into heaven--so you will never do without God's great mercy, which God +grant you. To whom with the Father, Son and Holy Ghost, be all honor +and glory, for ever and ever. AMEN. + + * * * * * + + +From the Providence Phoenix of December, 1804. + +MARQUIS OF NEWBURYPORT!! + + + [_On Monday last arrived in this town the most noble and + illustrious Lord TIMOTHY DEXTER, of Newburyport, Massachusetts, + who has since his arrival requested the publication of the + following stanzas in this day's paper, as a humble tribute to + the incomprehensible majesty of his name! While they serve as a + brilliant specimen of the gifted talents and admirable sublimity + of the Laureat, from whose pen they flowed, the virtuoso in + genealogies, and the worshippers of noble rank and boundless + fortune may derive a rich and delicious satisfaction from the + subject to which they are devoted!_ + + * * * * * + + +ADVERTISEMENT EXTRA. + +OF THE CELEBRATED + +LORD DEXTER. + + + LORD DEXTER is a man of fame, + Most celebrated is his name; + More precious far than gold that's pure, + Lord Dexter live for evermore. + + His noble house it shines more bright + Than Lebanon's most pleasant height, + Never was one who step'd therein + Who wanted to come out again. + + His house is fill'd with sweet perfumes, + Rich furniture doth fill his rooms; + Inside and out it is adorn'd, + And on the top an eagle's form'd. + + His house is white and trimm'd with green, + For many miles it may be seen; + It shines as bright as any star, + The fame of it has spread afar. + + Lord Dexter, thou, whose name alone + Shines brighter than king George's throne; + Thy name shall stand in books of fame, + And Princes shall his name proclaim. + + Lord Dexter hath a coach beside, + In pomp and splendor he doth ride; + The horses champ the silver bitt, + And throw the foam around their feet. + + The images around him stand, + For they were made by his command; + Looking to see Lord Dexter come, + With fixed eyes they see him home. + + Four lions stand to guard the door, + With their mouths open to devour + All enemies who do disturb + Lord Dexter or his shady grove. + + Lord Dexter, like king Solomon, + Hath gold and silver by the ton, + And bells to churches he hath given, + To worship the great king of heaven. + + His mighty deeds they are so great, + He's honor'd both by church and state, + And when he comes all must give way, + To let Lord Dexter bear the sway. + + When Dexter dies all things shall droop, + Lord East, Lord West, Lord North shall stoop, + And then Lord South with pomp shall come, + And bear his body to the tomb. + + His tomb most charming to behold, + A thousand sweets it doth unfold; + When Dexter dies shall willows weep, + And mourning friends shall fill the street. + + May Washington immortal stand, + May Jefferson by God's command + Support the right of all mankind, + John Adams not a whit behind. + + America with all your host, + Lord Dexter in a bumper toast; + May he enjoy his life in peace, + And when he's dead his name not cease. + + In heaven may he always reign, + For there's no sorrow, sin, nor pain: + Unto the world I leave the rest, + For to pronounce Lord Dexter blest. + + + ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, ,, , ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, + ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, ,, , ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, + ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, ,, , ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, + ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, ,, , ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, + ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, ,, , ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, + ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, ,, , ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, + ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, ,, , ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, + ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, ,, , ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, + ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, ,, , ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,, + + ;; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;; ;; ; ;; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;; + ;; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;; ;; ; ;; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;; + ;; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;; ;; ; ;; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;; + ;; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;; ;; ; ;; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;; + ;; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;; ;; ; ;; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;; + + :: : : : : : : : : : : : : : :: :: : :: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :: + :: : : : : : : : : : : : : : :: :: : :: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :: + :: : : : : : : : : : : : : : :: :: : :: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :: + :: : : : : : : : : : : : : : :: :: : :: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :: + + ?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?? ?? ? ?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?? + ?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?? ?? ? ?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?? + ?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?? ?? ? ?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?? + ?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?? ?? ? ?? ! ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?? + + !! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !! !! ! !! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !! + !! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !! !! ! !! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !! + !! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !! !! ! !! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !! + !! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !! !! ! !! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !! + + '' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' '' '' ' '' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' '' + '' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' '' '' ' '' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' '' + '' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' '' '' ' '' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' '' + '' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' '' '' ' '' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' '' + + .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. .. . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. + .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. .. . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. + .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. .. . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. + .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. .. . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. + + -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- + -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- + -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- + + * * * * * + +Transcriber's Note: The block of punctuation (on a page by itself) is +inexplicably left unexplained in this edition. Dexter wrote before it in +the second edition: + + "fouder mister printer the Nowing ones complane of my book the fust + edition had no stops I put in A Nuf here and thay may peper and solt + it as they plese" + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of A Pickle For The Knowing Ones, by +Lord Timothy Dexter + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 43453 *** |