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diff --git a/43437-8.txt b/43437-8.txt deleted file mode 100644 index f6efef9..0000000 --- a/43437-8.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,18907 +0,0 @@ -Project Gutenberg's Memoirs of Miss Sidney Biddulph, by Frances Sheridan - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - - -Title: Memoirs of Miss Sidney Biddulph - Extracted from her own Journal, and now first published - -Author: Frances Sheridan - -Release Date: August 10, 2013 [EBook #43437] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MEMOIRS OF MISS SIDNEY BIDDULPH *** - - - - -Produced by KD Weeks, Delphine Lettau and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - -Transcriber's Note - -This version on the text cannot represent all the typographical features -of the original. Text which was printed in italic is indicated by '_' -delimiters as _italic_. Bold text is rendered using '=' as =bold=. The -'oe' ligature appears, in the word 'oeconomy' or 'oeconomist', both as -separate letters and in its ligature form. Here, all instances are -rendered using the separate 'oe'. - -The edition from which this text is derived contained a number of -printer's errors, based on a comparison with a contemporary edition. -These have been corrected. - -The more detailed note at the end of this text provides an account of -any changes made. - - - - - MEMOIRS OF - MISS SIDNEY - BIDULPH - - Extracted from - her own Journal, and now - first published - - FRANCES SHERIDAN - - - The Editor of the following sheets takes this opportunity of - paying the tribute due to exemplary Goodness and distinguished - Genius, when found united in One Person, by inscribing these - Memoirs to - - - THE AUTHOR - OF - CLARISSA - AND - Sir CHARLES GRANDISON - - - - - CONTENTS - - - =Volume I= (1) - - The Editor's Introduction (3) - Memoirs of Miss Sidney Bidulph (9) - The Journal (11) - - =Volume II= (141) - - =Volume III= (287) - - Cecilia's Narrative &c. being a Supplement to - Mrs. Arnold's Journal (423) - - - - - VOLUME I - - - - - THE EDITOR'S INTRODUCTION - - -I was invited to pass a month last summer in Buckinghamshire by a -friend, who paid annually a visit to his mother: a lady pretty far -advanced in years, but extremely chearful, sensible, and well-bred. - -She lived altogether in the country, in a good old fashioned house, -which was part of her jointure; and it was to this hospitable mansion he -carried me. - -The lady received me very politely, as her son's friend; and I have -great reason to be obliged to him for the introduction. - -My friend and I generally dedicated our evenings to the entertainment of -this obliging Lady. She loved reading, and was a woman of an excellent -taste; but as her years rendered that employment not so easy to her as -it had been, her son and myself usually spared her the task, and read to -her such authors as she chose for her entertainment; nor was she so -confined to particular studies, as not to allow us to vary our subjects -as inclination led us. - -It happened one evening, which was on the eve of the day appointed for -our departure, that we had made choice of the tragedy of Douglas for our -entertainment, when a neighbouring lady (a sensible woman) who had drank -tea with us, desired to make one of our auditors. - -After the tea-table was removed, we entered on our task; my friend and I -reading alternately, to relieve each other, that we might not injure the -performance by a wearied or flat delivery. - -Neither of the ladies had ever seen or read this play before; and both -gave that true testimony of nature to its merit, tears. - -When we had finished the reading of it, they each in her turn bestowed -high praises on it; but the visitor lady said, that notwithstanding the -pleasure it had afforded her upon the whole, she had one great -objection to it. We were all impatient to know what it was. I think said -she, that the moral which it inculcates is a discouraging lesson, -especially to youth; for the blooming hero of this story, though adorned -with the highest virtues of humanity, truth, modesty, gratitude, filial -piety, nobleness of mind, and valour in the most eminent degree, is not -only buried in obscurity, by a severe destiny, till he arrives at -manhood, but when he emerges into light, is suddenly cut off by an -untimely death, and that at a juncture too, when we might (morally -speaking) say his virtues _ought_ to have been rewarded. - -We each spoke our thoughts on the subject, as opinion led us, when the -old lady drew our attention, which she always does, whenever she -delivers her sentiments. - -I should think as you do, madam, said she, if there were not too many -melancholy precedents to give a sanction to the fable of that tragedy. I -do not say but that the poet, who is at liberty to dispose as he pleases -of the works of his own creation, may as well reward and punish -according to the measures of justice in this life; it might perhaps make -a better impression, and indeed afford a more prevalent example, to the -generality of young people. I say therefore, I do not take upon me to -defend an opposite conduct upon principles of poetic justice, but surely -the poet who prefers that course, may be justified in it from every -day's experience. If we always saw virtuous people successful in their -pursuits, and their days crowned with prosperity, there would be more -force in your objection; but the direct contrary is a truth, which every -body who has lived but a moderate number of years, must have been -convinced of from their own observation. Amongst heathens indeed, who -looked no farther than _this_ life for good and evil, and whose only -incitement to virtue was the praise of men, or what _they_ called glory, -such morals might be dangerous; but surely amongst us Christians they -_cannot_, at least _ought_ not to have any ill effect. - -On the contrary, I think it should serve to confirm that great lesson -which we are all taught indeed, but which we seldom think of reducing to -practice, _viz._ to use the good things of this life with that -indifference, which things that are neither permanent in their own -nature, nor of any estimation in the fight of God, deserve. - -On the other hand, to consider the evils which befall us, as equally -temporary, and no more dispensed by the great ruler of all things for -punishments, than the others are for rewards; and by thus estimating -both, to look forward for an equal distribution of justice, to that -place only, where (let our station be what it will) our lot is to be -unchangeable. It is in this light that I was instructed in my early days -to consider the various portions that fall to the share of mankind; -which very often, as far as we can see, appear extremely partial; and no -doubt would really be so, were there not an invisible world where the -distributions are just and equal. From this reflection I have drawn -comfort in many trying incidents of my life; but in none more than the -unhappy fate of a lady, who was my particular friend; and who, tho' a -woman of most exemplary virtue, was, thro' the course of her whole life, -persecuted by a variety of strange misfortunes. This lady, to use your -expression, madam (addressing her friend), to all human appearance, -_ought_ at last to have been rewarded even here--but her portion was -affliction. What then are we to conclude? but, that God does not -estimate things as we do. It is ignorant, as well as sinful, to arraign -his providence. We daily see its dispensations with our own eyes, in the -various accidents of life. Why should we not then allow the poet to copy -from life, and exhibit to our view events, the probability of which are -founded on general experience? - -We are indeed so much used to what they call poetical justice, that we -are disappointed in the catastrophe of a fable, if every body concerned -in it be not disposed of according to the sentence of that judge which -we have set up in our own breasts. - -The contrary we know happens in real life; let us not then condemn what -is drawn from real life.--We may wish to see nature copied from her more -pleasing works; but a martyr expiring in tortures, is as just, though -not as agreeable, a representation of her, as a hero rewarded with the -brightest honours. - -We agreed with the venerable lady in her observations; and her son -taking occasion from her mentioning that unfortunate person, who was her -friend, told her, he would take it as a particular favour, if she would -oblige me with the sight of that lady's story. - -She answered, that as we had fixed up the next day for our departure, -there would not be time for me to peruse it, but that she would entrust -me with it to take it to town, that I might read it at my leisure. It is -drawn up, said she, for the most part, by the lady herself, and the -occasion of its being so was this. She and I had been intimate from our -childhood; we were play-fellows when young, and constant companions as -we grew up. We always called each other sister, and loved as well as if -we had really borne that relationship to each other. It was our -continual practice from children to keep little journals of what daily -happened to us; these, in all our short absences, were matter of great -entertainment to us; we constantly communicated them when we met, or if -we chanced to be separated by any distance, we made a mutual exchange by -the post of our little diurnal registers, having made each a solemn -promise, not to conceal an incident, or even a thought, of the least -moment, from the other; and this promise I believe was religiously kept -up during a correspondence of many years. - -I had a brother about three years older than myself; a very promising -young man. He was an only son, and the darling of his parents: when he -had finished his studies, my father thought of sending him abroad, but -his fondness for him made him resolve to accompany him himself. - -A better tutor or a better guide he could not have found for him; my -father was then in the prime of life, he had no other children but him -and me. My mother, as fond of me as he was of his son, and perfectly -affectionate to my father, expressed her wish to let both her and me be -of his party. She said, she thought a young lady, under proper conduct, -might improve as much by seeing foreign courts, and the various customs -of different nations, as a young gentleman. - -I was then about sixteen: my father readily consented, as he perfectly -loved my mother; and we all four set out on our tour together. It was my -lot, after I had been some time abroad, to marry an English gentleman, -then resident at Vienna; this occasioned my continuing there some years, -and it was during that space of time that I had the occurrences of my -friend's life from her own hand. As she had kept up to the method we had -agreed on of communicating every thing that happened, even to trivial -matters, it generally encreased the bulk of the packets I used to -receive from her to a prodigious size: these she sent off occasionally, -at nearer or more distant periods of time, according as I gave her the -opportunity, by letting her know our motions. - -I have from those selected the most material parts of her history, and -connected them so as to make one continued narrative. - -There were long intervals of time between many of the most important -incidents of her life; but as the passages which intervened were either -foreign to the main scope of her story, or too trivial to be recorded, -in copying her papers they were omitted. - -I have myself prefixed to her story a very brief account of the lady's -family. - -Thus much, Sir, added the good lady, I thought necessary to premise to -you, for your better understanding her history, which I have never yet -shewn to any body but my son. - -When I took my leave, she put the manuscript into my hands, with a -charge to be careful of it. - -We returned to town, and in less than three weeks I had the -mortification to hear that this respectable old Lady, by whom I had been -entertained with so much friendship and politeness, was dead. Her son -(my friend) was on this occasion obliged to go down into -Buckinghamshire; it was some months before I saw him again, as he had a -good deal of family business to settle. - -When he came back to London, I offered to return him the manuscript, -which he had quite forgot. He told me, as he had all the original -papers, _that_ copy was at my service. - -I then expressed my wish that it were made public. To this he at first -objected, as he said there were several persons living, related to the -parties concerned in some of the principal events of the story, who -might take umbrage at it. I told him, that this might easily be -obviated, by changing the names both of persons and places, which I -would undertake to do throughout the whole; and I was afterwards so -urgent with him to comply with my request, that he at last yielded. With -his consent therefore I give it to the world, just as I received it, -without any alteration, excepting the proposed one of a change of -names. - - - - - MEMOIRS OF MISS SIDNEY BIDULPH - - -Mrs Catharine Sidney Bidulph, was the daughter of Sir Robert Bidulph of -Wiltshire. Her father died when she was very young; and of ten children -none survived him but this lady, and his eldest son, afterwards Sir -George Bidulph. The family estate was not very considerable; and Miss -Bidulph's portion was but four thousand pounds; a fortune however at -that time but quite contemptible: it was in the beginning of queen Ann's -reign. - -Lady Bidulph was a woman of plain sense, but exemplary piety; the -strictness of her notions (highly commendable in themselves) now and -then gave a tincture of severity to her actions, though she was ever -esteemed a truly good woman. - -She had educated her daughter, who was one of the greatest beauties of -her time, in the strictest principles of virtue; from which she never -deviated, through the course of an innocent, though unhappy life. - -Sir George Bidulph was nine or ten years older than his sister. He was a -man of a good understanding, moral as to his general conduct, but void -of any of those refined sentiments, which constitute what is called -_delicacy_. Pride is sometimes accounted laudable; that which Sir George -possessed (for he had pride) was not of this kind. - -He was of a weakly constitution, and had been ordered by the physicians -to Spa for the recovery of a lingering disorder, which he had laboured -under for some time. It was just on his return to England that the busy -scene of his sister's life opened. An intimate friend of hers, of her -own sex, to whom she revealed all the secrets of her heart, happened at -this juncture to go abroad, and it was for her perusal only the -following journal was intended. That friend has carefully preserved it, -as she thinks it may serve for an example to prove, that neither -prudence, foresight, nor even the best disposition that the human heart -is capable of, are of themselves sufficient to defend us against the -inevitable ills that sometimes are allotted, even to the best. 'The race -is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong.' - - - - - THE JOURNAL - - - _April 2, 1703_ - -My dear and ever-beloved Cecilia is now on her way to Harwich. How -insipid will this task of recording all the little incidents of the day -now appear to me, when you, my sister, friend of my heart, are no longer -near me? how many tedious months will it be before I again embrace you? -how many days of impatience must I suffer before I can even hear from -you, or communicate to you the actions, the words, the thoughts of your -Sidney?--But let me not grow plaintive, the stile my friend hates--I -should be ungrateful (if I indulged it) to the best of mothers, who, to -gratify and amuse me on this first occasion of sorrow which I ever -experienced, has been induced to quit her beloved retirement, and come -on purpose to London, to rouze up my spirits, and, as she expresses -herself, to keep me from the sin of murmuring. - -Avaunt then complainings! Let me rest assured that my Cecilia is happy -in her pursuits, and let me resolve on making myself so in mind. - - - _April 3_ - -We have had a letter from my brother George; he is landed, and we expect -him hourly in town. As our house is large enough, I hope he will consent -to take up his quarters with us while we stay in London. My mother -intends to request it of him: she says it will be for the _reputation_ -of a gay young man to live in a _sober_ family. I know not how Sir -George may relish the proposal, as our hours are not likely to -correspond with those which I suppose he has been used to since he has -been absent from us. But perhaps he may not refuse the compliment; Sir -George is not averse to oeconomy.--How kind, how indulgent, is this -worthy Parent of mine! she will not suffer me to stay at home with her, -nay scarce allows me time for my journal. 'Sidney I won't have you stay -within; I won't have you write; I won't have you think--I will make a -rake of you; you shall go to the play to-night, and I am almost tempted -to go with you myself, though I have not been at one since your father's -death.'--These were her kind expressions to me just now.--I am indeed -indebted to her tenderness, when she relaxes so much of her usual -strictness, as even to _think_ of such a thing. - - - _April 5_ - -My brother returned to us this day, thank God! in perfect health. Never -was there such an alteration seen in a man; he is grown fat, and looks -quite robust. He dropped in upon us just as we sat down to dinner: what -a clutter has his arrival made! my mother was _so_ rejoyced, and _so_ -thankful, and _so_ full of praises, and asked _so_ many questions, that -George could hardly find words enough to answer the over-flowings of her -kind inquisitiveness, which lasted all dinner-time. - -When the cloth was removed, my mother proposed his taking up his abode -with us: you see, said she, your sister and I have got here into a large -house; there is full room enough in it for you and your servants; and as -I think in such a town as this it will be a reputable place for you to -live in, I shall be glad of your company; provided you do not encroach -upon my rules by unreasonable hours, or receiving visits from such as I -may not approve of for the acquaintance of your sister. I was afraid Sir -George would disrelish the terms, as perhaps some of his acquaintance -(though far from faulty ones) might fall within my mother's predicament: -but I was mistaken, he accepted of the invitation, after making some -slight apologies about the inconvenience of having so many servants: -this however was soon got over. - -To say the truth, I am very glad that my brother has consented to be our -guest, as I hope by his means our circle of acquaintance will be a good -deal enlarged. There is no pleasure in society, without a proper mixture -of well-bred sensible people of both sexes, and I have hitherto been -chiefly confined to those of my own. - -I asked Sir George jocosely, what he had brought me home? He answered, -perhaps a good husband.--My mother catched up the word--What do you -mean, Son? I mean, madam, that there is come over with me a gentleman, -with whom I became acquainted in Germany, who, of all the men I ever -knew, I should wish to have for a brother. If Sidney should fortunately -be born under the influence of _uncommonly_ good stars, it may happen to -be brought about. I can tell you (applying himself to me) he is -prepossessed in your favour already; I have shewn him some of your -letters, and he thinks you a good sensible girl. I told him you were -very well in your person, and that you have had an excellent education. -I hope so, said my mother, looking pleased; and what have you to tell us -of this wonderful man that so much surpasses every body? Why, madam for -_your_ part of his character, he is the best _behaved_ young man I ever -saw. I never knew any body equal to him for sobriety, nor so intirely -free from all the other vices of youth: as I lived in the same house -with him for some months, I had frequent opportunities of making my -observations. I have known him to _avoid_ many irregularities, but never -saw him guilty of _one_. - -An admirable character indeed said my mother. So thought I too; but I -wanted to know a little more of him. Now Sidney for your share in the -description; I must tell you he is most exquisitely handsome, and -extremely sensible. - -Good sense to be sure is requisite, said my mother, but as for beauty it -is but a fading flower at best, and in a man not at all necessary--A man -is not the worse for it, however, cried my brother--No--my mother -answered, provided it does not make him vain, and too fond of the -admiration of giddy girls--That I will be sworn is not the case of my -friend, answered Sir George, I believe no body with such a person as his -(if there _can_ be such another) would be so little vain of it; nay, I -have heard him declare, that even in a woman he would give the -preference to sense and virtue. - -Good young man! cried my mother, I should like to be acquainted with -him. (So should I, whispered I to my own heart). - -Well brother, said I, you have drawn a good picture; but to make it -complete, you must throw in generosity, valour, sweetness of temper, and -a great deal of money--Fie my dear (said my good _literal_ parent) a -_great deal_ is not necessary; a very moderate fortune with _such_ a man -is sufficient. - -The good qualities you require in the finishing of my piece, answered my -brother, he possesses in an eminent degree--will that satisfy you? As -for his fortune--_there_ perhaps a difficulty may step in--What estate -madam (to my mother) do you think my sister's fortune may intitle her -to? - -Dear brother, I cried, pray do not speak in that _bargaining_ way. - -My mother answered him very gravely, Your father you know left her but -four thousand pounds; it is in my power to add a _little_ to it, if she -marries to please me. Great matters we have no right to expect; but a -_very_ good girl, as my daughter is, I think, deserves something more -than a bare equivalent. The equality, said my brother, (with a demure -look) I fear is out of all proportion here, for the gentleman I speak of -has but--six thousand pounds a year. - -He burst out a laughing; it was not good-natured, and I was vexed at his -joke. My poor mother dropped her countenance; I looked silly, as if I -had been disappointed, but I said nothing. - -Then he is above our reach, Sidney, answered my mother. - -I made no reply--Have a good heart Sid, cried my brother; if my -nonpareil likes you, when he sees you, (I felt myself hurt, and grow -red) and without a compliment sister (seeing me look mortified) I think -he will, fortune will be no objection. I have already told him the -utmost extent of your expectations; he would hardly let me mention the -subject; he has a mind for _my_ sister, and if he finds her personal -accomplishments answer a brother's (perhaps partial) description, it -will be your own fault if you have not the prettiest fellow in England -for your husband. - -My mother reassumed her pleased countenance. Where is he? let us see -him? I forced a smile, though I did not feel myself quite satisfied--We -parted on the road, my brother answered; he is gone to Bath, for a few -weeks; he has sent his servants and his baggage to town before him, and -has commissioned me to take a house for him in St. James's Square, or -some of the adjacent streets; so that we shall have him in our -neighbourhood. - -My mother enquired on what account he went to Bath. Sir George said, he -complained of a weakness in one of his wrists, which was the consequence -of a fever that had seized him on his journey, in their return to -England. It seems he had finished his travels, on which he had been -absent near five years, when my brother and he met in Germany. The -liking he took to Sir George protracted his stay, and he resolved not to -quit him while his health obliged him to continue abroad; they took a -trip to Paris together, and returned home by Holland. - -The name of this piece of perfection is Faulkland, Orlando Faulkland. -What a pretty name Orlando is! My mother says it is romantic, and -wonders how _sober_ people can give their children such names. - -Now am I dying with curiosity to see this man. A few weeks at Bath--what -business he had to go to Bath till he had first settled his household at -London? His wrist might have grown well without the pump. I am afraid he -is gone to Bath only to shew himself, and that he will be snapped up -before he comes to town. I wish Sir George had kept the account of him -to himself, till he returned to London again. - - - _April 7_ - -We have settled Sir George's oeconomy within doors: my mother has been -very busy all day in fixing trunks, portmanteaus, and boxes, in their -proper places; and in appropriating the rooms for his men, which she has -taken care shall be as remote from those of our servants as the house -will admit. She says, she knows our own domestics to be orderly and -regular, but she cannot answer for what other people's may be. - -I begin to recover my spirits: my brother's arrival has given new life -to the family; my mother thinks, that in _his_ company, with a lady or -two, there will be no impropriety in suffering me to go, at least, half -a dozen times into public during the season, even without the sanction -of her presence--How kind, how considerate is this dear mother! I find -this was one (amongst others) of her principal reasons for wishing Sir -George to be with us, as it will save her from the necessity of going to -public diversions, which otherwise she would have done, rather than have -me debarred the pleasure of partaking of them, through the want of a -proper protector. Every day lays me under fresh obligations to her. - - - _April 20_ - -My brother has had another letter from Mr Faulkland. He has been but a -fortnight at Bath, and already has found benefit from the use of the -pump; I wish his wrist was quite well; I never was so impatient to see -any body--But, Sidney, have a care--this heart has never yet been -touch'd: this man is represented as a dangerous object. What an an -ill-fated Girl should I be, if I should fall in love with him, and he -should happen not to like me? Should _happen_, what a vain expression -was that? I would not for the world any one should see it but my -Cecilia.--Well, if he should not like me, what then? why, I will not -like him. I have a heart, not very susceptible of what we young women -call love; and in all likelihood I shall be as indifferent to him, as he -may be to me--Indeed I think I ought to resolve on not liking him; for -notwithstanding those fine out-lines of a character, which my brother -gave of him in the presence of my mother, I have since drawn out of Sir -George, who is always talking of him, some farther particulars, which do -not please me so well; for I think he is made up of contrarieties. - -Nature, says Sir George, never formed a temper so gentle, so humane, so -benevolent as his; yet, when provoked, no tempest is more furious. You -would imagine him so humble, that he thinks every one superior to -himself; yet through this disguise have I discovered, at certain times, -a pride which makes him look down on all mankind. With a disposition -formed to relish, and a heart attached to the domestic pleasures of -life, he is of so enterprising a temper, that dangers and difficulties -rather encourage than dishearten him in the pursuit of a favourite -point. His ideas of love, honour, generosity, and gratitude, are so -refined, that no hero in romance ever went beyond him; of this I was -convinced from many little incidents which occurred in the course of my -acquaintance with him. The modesty and affability of his deportment -makes every body fancy, when he is in company with them, that he is -delighted with their conversation; nay, he often affects to be improved -and informed; yet there is a sly turn to ridicule in him, which, though -without the least tincture of ill-nature, makes him see and represent -things in a light, the very opposite of that in which you fansied he saw -them. With the nicest discernment, where he permits his judgment alone -to determine, let passion interfere, and a child can impose on him. -Though as I have already told you he is very handsome, he affects to -despise beauty in his own sex; yet is it easy to perceive, by the nice -care he takes in his dress (though the farthest in the world from a -fop), that he does not altogether disregard it in his own person. - -Are not these faults? yes, surely they are; yet Sir George protests he -has none; or at least says, if these be such, they are so overbalanced -by his good qualities, that unless it be _you_ sister (flattering -creature! though that is seldom his failing) I don't know the woman that -deserves him. I did not thank him for the compliment he paid me, at the -expense of the rest of our poor sex. - - - _May 5_ - -A month is past since my brother arrived, and Mr Faulkland does not yet -talk of coming to town--If Sir George had drawn half such a flattering -picture of me to him, as he has done of him to me, his curiosity would -have brought him here sooner.--My mother has mentioned him several -times, and asked when he is to be in town? My brother has taken a very -handsome house for him in the Square. We are all in expectation of this -blazing star's making its appearance in London. If he stays much longer, -my patience will be so tired, that I shall not give a pinch of snuff to -see him. - - - _May 19_ - -Six weeks, and no news of Mr Faulkland's coming! I'll positively give -him but another week; I begin to think myself affronted by his stay. - - - _May 23_ - -Now, now, my Cecilia, I can gratify your curiosity at full: he is come -at last; Mr Faulkland, I mean; Orlando is come! we had a message from -him this morning, to enquire after all our healths; he was just arrived -at his house in the Square: Sir George flew to him directly, and said he -would bring him without ceremony to take a family dinner. My mother bid -him do so; and she held a quarter of an hour's conference with her cook. -She is always elegant and exact at her table; but we were more than -ordinarily so to-day. My brother brought Mr Faulkland a little before -dinner-time, and presented him to my mother and me, with that kind of -freedom that almost look'd as if he were already one of the family. - -We had both been prepossessed highly in favour of his figure, a -circumstance that seldom is of advantage to persons on their first -appearance: but here it had not that effect: Sir George did not overrate -the personal accomplishments of his friend. Now you'll expect I should -describe him to you, perhaps, and paint this romantic hero in the -glowing colours of romantic exageration. But I'll disappoint you--and -tell you, that he is neither like an Adonis nor an Apollo--that he has -no hyacinthine curls flowing down his back; no eyes like suns, whose -brightness and majesty strike the beholders dumb; nor, in short, no rays -of divinity about him; yet he is the handsomest mortal man that I ever -saw.--I will not say that his voice is harmony itself, and that all the -loves and graces (for why should not there be male as well as female -graces?) attend on his motions; that Minerva presides over his lips, and -every feature has its attendant Cupid--But I will acknowlege that his -voice in speaking is inexpressibly pleasing (you know how I admire an -agreeable voice); that his air and motions are easy, genteel, and -graceful; his conversation sensible and polite, and without the least -tincture of affection, that thing, which of all others, would to _me_ -destroy the charms of an angel.--In short, without hyperbole, that he -is, what every one must allow, a perfectly handsome and accomplished -young man. - -I never saw my mother appear so pleased with any one. The polite freedom -of his address, the attention and deference he seemed to pay to her -sentiments (and the dear good woman talked more to him, I think, than -ever I heard her do to any one on so short an acquaintance), delighted -her beyond expression. I bore no great part in the conversation, but was -not, however, quite overlooked by Mr Faulkland. He referred to me in -discourse now and then, and seemed pleased with me; at least I fancy'd -so. My brother endeavoured to draw me out, as he said afterwards. The -intention was kind, but poor Sir George is not delicate enough in those -matters; I should have done better if he had let me alone. I thought of -the conversations we had so often had about Mr Faulkland, and could not -help considering myself like a piece of goods that was to be shewn to -the best advantage to the purchaser. This reflection threw a sort of -constraint over my behaviour, that (fool as I was) I had not courage -enough to shake off, and I did not acquit myself at all to my own mind. -I had, notwithstanding, the good fortune to please my mother infinitely. -She told me, after our visitor was gone, that my behaviour had been -_strictly_ proper; and blamed Sir George for his wanting to engage me -too often in conversation. You may assure yourself, son, she said, that -a man of Mr Faulkland's understanding will not like a young lady the -worse for her silence. She spoke enough to shew that it was not for want -of knowing what to say that she held her tongue. The man who does not -reckon a modest reserve amongst the chief recommendations of a woman, -should be no husband for Sidney. I am sure, when I married Sir Robert, -he had never heard me speak twenty sentences. Sir George agreed with her -as to the propriety of her observation, in regard to a modest reserve; -but said, people now a-days did not carry their ideas of it quite so far -as they did when his father's courtship began with her; and added, that -a young lady might _speak_ with as much modesty as she could hold her -tongue. - -I did not interfere in the debate, only said, I was very glad to have -my mother's approbation of my conduct. This put an end to the argument, -and my mother launched out into high encomiums on Mr Faulkland. She -said, upon her _truth_, he was the finest young man she ever saw, in -every respect. So modest, so well bred, so very entertaining, and so -unassuming, with all his fine accomplishments: She was quite astonished, -and owned she almost despaired of finding a young gentleman, of the -present mode of education, so _very_ unexceptionable in his behaviour. -If his morals answered to his outward deportment--there she stopped; or -rather Sir George interrupted her. I hope you'll believe madam, that my -knowlege of mankind is not so circumscribed, but that I can distinguish -between a real and an assumed character; and I will venture to assert, -that, in the whole circle of my acquaintance, I do not know _one_ so -unobjectionable, even in your strict sense of the word _morals_, as Mr -Faulkland. - -Well, said my mother, I have the pleasure to observe to you (and I think -I am seldom mistaken in my judgment), that Mr Faulkland is at least as -well pleased with Sidney as we are with him--What say you daughter? Ay, -what _say_ you sister? cry'd Sir George--I think madam, that Mr -Faulkland is an accomplished gentleman, and--'and that you could be -content to look no farther, if matters are brought to bear; eh, Sidney?' -(I need not tell you whose speech this was)--Brother, that is going a -little too far, for the first time of my seeing him. A great _deal_ too -far, my mother said; let us first know Mr Faulkland's mind from himself, -before we say a word more of the matter. - -Sir George told us, that Mr Faulkland, at going away, had requested he -would sup with him at his own house, as he said he had a few visits of -form to pay, and should be at home early in the evening. - - - _May 24_ - -My mother and I were in bed before my brother came in last night, though -he keeps very good hours in general. When we met this morning at -breakfast, I saw by Sir George's face that he was brimful of -something--Faulkland don't like you, Sidney, said he, abruptly--How can -you or I help that, brother? cry'd I, colouring; tho', to tell you the -truth, I did not believe him; for I knew, if it _had_ been so, he would -not have come out with it so bluntly. But my mother, who always takes -every word she hears literally, took him up very short; 'If he does not, -Sir, it is not polite in you to tell your sister so; I hope Sidney may -be _liked_ by as good a man as Mr Faulkland,' and up she tossed her dear -honest head. Sir George burst out a laughing. My mother looked angry; -she was afraid her sagacity would be call'd in question, after what she -had pronounced the evening before. I looked silly, but pretended to -smile. Sir George was clown enough to laugh on; at last (to my mother) -'But my dear madam, can you believe me serious in what I said? have you -so good an opinion of my veracity, or so ill a one of my breeding, as to -suppose I would shock my sister by such a rude declaration, if I meant -any thing by it but a joke?' Indeed, Sidney, (looking half smiling to -me) I would not be as much in love with our sovereign lady the queen, as -poor Faulkland is with you, for my whole estate. - -This put me a great deal more out of countenance than what he had said -at first. Nay, brother, now you are too extravagant the other way--My -mother looked surprized, but recovered her good humour presently--Dear -George, there is no knowing when you are in earnest and when not: but, -as Sidney says, now you are rather too extravagant. You might say so to -Faulkland, answered my brother, if you were to hear him; I could get -nothing from him the whole night but your praises. I thought, said my -pleased mother, he had not _disliked_ the girl--Now you see, son, her -_silence_ did her no harm; and she smiled tenderly at me. Come, said Sir -George, things are mighty well on all sides. Faulkland has begged of me, -that I would use my interest with you, mother (whom he thinks one of the -best of women), that he may be permitted in form to make his addresses -to Miss Bidulph. _My_ interest he knows he has, and I hope, madam, it -will have your approbation--He desired me to explain minutely to you -every circumstance of his fortune: what his estate is I have told you; -and his family is of known distinction. He begged I would not _mention_ -Sidney's fortune; and said, that if, upon a farther acquaintance, he -should have the happiness to be acceptable to my sister, he should -insist upon leaving the appointment of her settlement to lady Bidulph -and myself. I told him I would lay this proposal before you, and could -for his present comfort inform him, that, as I believed my sister had no -prepossessions in favour of any one else, I was sure, if he met with -your concurrence, her's would follow of course. - -A very discreet answer, said my mother; just such a one as I would have -dictated to you, if I had been at your elbow. I believe we may venture -to suppose, that Mrs Sidney _has_ no prepossessions; and as this is as -handsome an offer as can possibly be made, I have no objections (if you -have none, my dear) to admit Mr Faulkland upon the terms he proposes. - -What answer ought I to have made, Cecilia? Why, to be sure, just the one -I _did_ make--I have _no_ prepossessions, madam, looking down and -blushing, till it actually pained me, for I was really startled. My -Cecilia knows I am not a prude. - -My dear! cry'd my mother, and took me by the hand-- - -Poor Sidney, said Sir George, how you are to be pitied! Mr Faulkland -purposes waiting on you in the afternoon, if he is not _forbid_; and he -looked so teazingly sly, that my mother bid him leave off his _pranks_. - -The day is ever--Mr Faulkland spent the evening with us; no other -company but our own family. My mother likes him better even than -before--Thy _mother_--disingenuous girl! why dost thou not speak thy -_own_ sentiments! (There is an apostrophe for thy use, my Cecilia). Well -then, _my_ sentiments you shall have; you have an undoubted right to -know them on all subjects, but particularly on this interesting one. - -I _do_ think Mr Faulkland the most amiable of men; and if my heart were -(happily for me it is not) _very_ susceptible of tender impressions, I -really believe I should in time be absolutely in love with him. This -confession will not satisfy you: may be it is not enough--yet, in truth, -Cecilia, it is all that at present I can afford you. - -The thoughts of the aukward figure I should make in the evening visit, -sat heavy on my spirits all day.--Can you conceive any thing more -distressing than the situation of a poor girl, receiving the visit of a -man, who, for the first time, comes professedly as her admirer? I had -conceived a frightful idea of such an interview, having formed my -notions of it only from romances, where set speeches of an ell long are -made by the lover, and answers of a proportionable size are returned in -form by the lady. But Mr Faulkland soon delivered me from my anxiety. -His easy, but incomparably polite and sensible freedom of address, -quickly made me lose my ridiculous fears.--He made no other use of this -visit, than to recommend himself more strongly to our esteem, by such -means as proved how well he deserved it. If he was particular to me, -either in his looks or manner, it was under the regulation of such a -nice decorum, that I (who supposed I must have sunk with downright -confusion) was hardly disconcerted during the whole visit. - - - _June 10_ - -I do really think my good mother grows so fond of Mr Faulkland, that if -he goes on at this rate, he will get the start even of Sir George in her -affections--'Mr _Faulkland_ said so and so; Mr _Faulkland_ is of -opinion; and I am sure you will allow Mr _Faulkland_ to be a good judge -of such and such things.' - -To say the truth, the man improves upon you every hour you know him. And -yet I have discovered in him some of those little (and they are _but_ -little) alloys to his many good qualities, which Sir George at first -told me of. The interest I may one day have in him makes me a closer -observer than I should otherwise be. There _is_ that sly turn to -ridicule which my brother mentioned; yet, to do him justice, he never -employs it, but where it is deserved; and then too with so much vivacity -and good humour, that one cannot be angry with him. - -We had a good deal of company at dinner with us to day; amongst the -rest, young Sayers, who is just returned from his travels, as _he_ calls -it. You remember he went away a good humoured, inoffensive, quiet fool; -he has brought no one ingredient of that character back with him but the -last; for such a stiff, conceited, overbearing, talkative, impertinent -coxcomb, does not now exist. His mother, who, poor woman, you know -originally made a simpleton of the boy, contributes now all in her power -to finish the sop; and she carries him about with her everywhere for a -show. We were assembled in the drawing room before dinner: in _burst_ -(for it was not a common entry) Master Sayers, and his mamma, the cub -handing in the old lady--_So_ stiff, and _so_ aukward, and _so_ -ungraceful, and so _very_ unlike Mr Faulkland, that I pitied the poor -thing, who thought that every body would admire him as much as his -mother did. After he had been presented to the ladies (for it was the -first time we had seen him since he came home), he took a turn or two -about the room, to exhibit his person: then applying himself to a -picture which hung over the door (a fine landscape of Claude Lorrain, -which Mr Faulkland himself had brought over and given to Sir George), he -asked my brother, in a tone scarce articulate, whether we had any -_painters_ in England? My mother, who by chance heard him, and by -greater chance understood him, answered, before Sir George had time, -_Painters_, Sir! yes, sure, and some very good ones too; why, you cannot -have forgot _that_; it is not much above a year since you went -abroad, (for you must know he had been recalled upon the death of -an uncle, who had left him his estate). I observed Mr Faulkland -constrained a very fly laugh, on account both of the _manner_ of my -mother's taking his question, and her innocently-undesigned reprimand. -Sayers pretended not to hear her, but looking through his fingers, as if -to throw the picture into perspective, that is a pretty good piece, said -he, for a copy. Oh! cry'd his mother, there is no pleasing _you_--people -who have been _abroad_ are such connoisseurs in painting--No body making -any immediate answer, Mr Faulkland stepped up to Mr Sayers, with such a -roguish humility in his countenance, that you would have sworn he was a -very ignoramus, said, 'Are you of opinion, Sir, that that picture is -nothing but a copy?' Nothing more, take my word for it, Sir: When _I_ -was at Rome, there was a Dutchman there who made it his business to take -copies _of_ copies, which he dispersed, and had people to sell for him -in different parts, as pretty good prices; and they did mighty well; for -very few people _know_ a picture; and I'll answer for it there are not -many masters of eminence, but what have a hundred originals palmed upon -them, more than ever they painted in their lives. - -Mr Faulkland then proceeded to ask him abundance of questions, which any -one, who did not know him well, would have thought he proposed for no -other end but a desire of information; and the poor coxcomb Sayers -plumed himself upon displaying so much travelled knowlege, to a -wondering ignorant Englishman, who had never been out of his own -country. The company were divided into little chattering parties, as is -usual when people are whiling away an half hour before dinner. Mrs. -Sayers, my mother, and I, were sitting together on a couch, near enough -to hear the conversation that passed between the two gentlemen; at least -as much as was not sunk in the affected, half-pronounced sentences of Mr -Sayers. His mother, to whom he was the principal object of attention in -the company, seemed mightily pleased at the opportunity her son had, -from the inquisitiveness of Mr Faulkland (whom she did not know) of -shewing his taste in the polite arts, and often looked about to observe -if any body else attended to them. My mother, dear literal woman! (as I -often call her to you) took every thing seriously, and whispered to me, -how pretty that is, Sidney! how condescending in Mr Faulkland! you see -he does not make a parade of his _own_ knowledge in these matters, but -is pleased to reap the benefit of other people's. I, who saw the latent -roguery, could hardly contain myself. Indeed I was amazed at Mr -Faulkland's grave inquisitive face, and was very glad my mother did not -find him out. - -Sayers, elated with having shone so conspicuously (for he observed that -both my mother and I attended to his discourse) proceeded to shew away -with an immensity of vanity and frothy chat, beginning every new piece -of history with, 'When _I_ was at Rome, or, when _I_ was at Paris'--At -last, unluckily for him, speaking of an incident (which made a good deal -of noise, and happened at the first-mentioned place) in which two -English gentlemen had been concerned, he said it was about eleven months -ago, just before he left Rome. My mother, who had heard Mr Faulkland -relate the same story, but with some very different circumstances, -immediately said, Mr Faulkland, have I not heard you speak of that? you -were at Rome yourself when the affair happened; and if I be not -mistaken, it was through your interest with the cardinal of ---- that -the business was made up. - -If a spectre had appeared to poor Sayers, he could not have looked more -aghast. He dropped his visage half-way down his breast, and for the -_first_ time speaking very _plain_, and very loud too, with a share of -astonishment, Have _you_ been at _Rome_, Sir? I was there for a little -time, Sir, answered Mr Faulkland, with real modesty; for he pitied the -mortified buzzard; and I know the story was _represented_ as you have -told it; the circumstances differed in a few particulars, but the facts -were nearly as you have related them. - -How obligingly did he reconcile the out-of-countenance Sayers to himself -and to the company? Were you long abroad, pray Sir, said the coxcomb? -About five years, Sir, answered Mr Faulkland; but I perceive, by the -conversation I have had the honour of holding with you to-day, that many -accurate and curious observations escaped me, which you made in a much -shorter space of time; for the communication of which I think myself -extremely obliged to you. Whether the poor soul thought him serious (as -my mother did) I cannot tell; he made him a bow, however, for the -compliment; but was so lowered, that he did not say a word more of Rome -or Paris for the rest of the day: and in this we had a double advantage; -for as he had nothing else to talk of, his mouth was effectually -stopped, except when Mr Faulkland, out of compassion, asked him (as he -often did) such questions as he thought he could answer, without -exposing his ignorance: for he was contented to have enjoyed it in their -tête à tête, and was far from wishing the company to be witnesses of it. - -I think such a bagatelle may give you some idea of this man's turn. I -told it to Sir George; he laughed heartily, and said it was _so_ like -him! My brother loves even his faults, though he will not allow me to -call them by that name. - - - _July 4_ - -You are unkind, Cecilia, and do not do justice to my sincerity, when you -say, _you are sure I am in love with Mr Faulkland_. If I were, can you -conceive it possible that I would deny it to you? Ah! my sister, must I -suspect _you_ of wanting candour by your making a charge of disingenuity -against your friend? Indeed, Cecilia, if I _am_ in love with him, I do -not _yet_ know it myself. I will repeat it to you, I think him the most -amiable of men, and should certainly give him the preference, if I were -left to a free choice, over all the rest of his sex; at least all that I -have ever yet seen; though possibly there _may_ be handsomer, wiser, -better men, but they have not fallen within my observation. I am not -however so prepossessed in his favour, as to suppose him a phoenix; and -if any unforeseen event were to prevent my being his, I am sure I should -bear it, and behave very handsomely. - -And yet perhaps this may be only bragging like a coward, because I think -a very short time will put it out of the power of fortune to divide us. -Yet certain as the event of our marriage appears to me at present, I -still endeavour to keep a sort of guard over my wishes, and will not, -give my heart leave to center _all_ its happiness in him; and therefore -I cannot rank myself amongst the first-rate lovers, who have neither -eyes, nor ears, nor sensations, but for one object. _This_, Mr Faulkland -says, is his case, in regard to me. But I think we women should not love -at such a rate, till _duty_ makes the passion a virtue; and till _that_ -becomes my case, I am so much a philosopher in love that I am determined -not to let it absorbe any of the other cordial affections, which I owe -to my relations and my friends. - -I think we ought always to form some laws to ourselves for the -regulation of our conduct: without this, what an impertinent dream must -the life be of almost every young person of our sex? You, my dear, -though with an uncommon understanding of your own, have always been -intirely conducted by your wise parents; and in this I make it my boast -to have followed your example. I have been accustomed from my infancy to -pay an implicit obedience to the best of mothers; the conforming to this -never yet cost me an uneasy minute, and I am sure never will. - - - _July 5_ - -A little incident happened to-day, which pleased my mother wonderfully. -She had been at morning prayers (as you know is her daily custom); when -returning home in her chair, one of the men happened to flip his foot, -and fell down just before Mr Faulkland's house. He was so much hurt, -that he could go no farther; and the footman immediately opening the -chair, told her she had better step into Mr Faulkland's, till he called -another, or got a man to assist in carrying her home. One of Mr -Faulkland's servants happened to be standing at the door; so that, -without any previous notice, she was immediately conducted into a -parlour, where Mr Faulkland was sitting at breakfast. She found with him -two pretty little children at his knee, to one of whom he had given some -cake; and the elder of the two, a boy of about five years old, he was -gravely lecturing, though with great gentleness, for having told a lye. -My mother asked him, with some surprise, whose children those were? He -smiled, and told her they were his coachman's; and then ordered the -footman to carry them down, bidding the little boy be sure to remember -what he had said to him. - -My mother enquired, if he permitted them to be in the house? He said, he -did; and had been induced to do it from the distress he had seen their -poor father in, a few days before. He is an honest careful fellow, -continued Mr Faulkland, and has lived in my family from a boy. He was -married to a good sort of a body, who took great care of these children, -and helped to maintain them decently by her work. The poor woman died in -childbed last week; and the person who attended her in her illness (for -she had no servant) took that opportunity of robbing the lodgings; and -after plundering the poor creature of every thing that was worth -carrying away, locked up those two children, which you saw with me, and -the new-born infant, with the corpse of their mother. - -The poor little wretches continued in that dismal situation all night, -having cried themselves to sleep, without being heard, though there were -some other people in the house. The morning following I happened to make -an early visit in the neighbourhood of this distressed little family, -and my coachman, who was a very affectionate husband and father, took -that opportunity of calling on his wife whom he had not been able to see -for three days. The cries of his children (now awake and almost starved) -obliged him hastily to break open the room door, where the poor fellow -was shocked with the dismal spectacle of his wife lying breathless in -her bed, the infant almost expiring at her side, and the other two poor -little famished creatures calling to their dead mother for bread. - -The sight almost deprived the man of his senses. He snatched up his two -eldest children in his arms, and ran raving to the house where I was; -tearing his hair like a madman. He told me his mournful story; with -which I was so affected, that I ordered one of my footmen to carry the -two children home to my house directly, and desired their father to look -out for some body to take care of the young one, which he soon did. - -The honest poor fellow was delighted, when he came home, to find his two -children well and merry; for they were sensible of no want but their -food. But his grief returned on him with great violence at the thoughts -of his being obliged to put them into the hands of people, who, he said, -he was sure would not be so kind to them as their own poor mother had -been; and my man told me he did nothing but kiss them, and cry over them -the whole day. To make his mind easy at once, I let him know they should -remain here under his own eye, till they were old enough to be put to -school; and accordingly directed my housekeeper to see that they were -taken care of; which has made their father very happy. - -The little rogues have found their way up to me, and I love some times -to hear them prattle; but this morning the eldest having told me a lye -of his brother, I was checking him for it when you came in. - -My mother was so pleased with Mr Faulkland's conduct in his little -history, that she repeated it to me word for word as soon as she came -home, and concluded with observing, how _good a creature_ Mr Faulkland -must be, who in so tender a manner interested himself in his poor -servant's misfortune. Most young gentlemen, said she, would have thought -they had done enough in giving the servant money to have provided for -his children how he could: it is in such trifles as these that we often -discover the excellence of the heart. - -You will suppose, my dear, that I am not displeased at any circumstance -that can raise Mr Faulkland's character in my pious mother's esteem. I -heard the story with great pleasure; but not making any comments on it, -Sir George (who was present at the relation), said, Well, Sidney, you -are either very affected, or the greatest stoic in the world; why, any -other girl would be in raptures at such a proof of the honest tenderness -of that heart which she knows she possesses intirely, and on which the -whole of her future happiness depends. I am very sensible of Mr -Faulkland's worth, brother, I replied, and I can feel without being -transported. I will be hanged, said Sir George, if I think you love -Faulkland, at least not half as well as he deserves; and I dare swear -you have not been honest enough to tell him yet whether you do or not. -It is time enough for that, I replied; if Mr Faulkland and I should be -married, I hope I shall give him no cause to complain of my want of -affection. - -_If_ you marry, said my brother! I know of no possible _ifs_, unless -they are of your own making. I know of none neither, answered my mother; -yet I think Sidney is in the right to be doubtful about all human -events. Many things, added she gravely (for she has a great veneration -for old sayings), fall out between the cup and the lip. - -I think, mother, said Sir George, bluntly, _you_ were disappointed in -your _first_ love; I have heard you speak of it, but I forget the -circumstances. As I had never heard my mother make any mention of this -particular, I begged she would oblige me with relating it. - -When I was about one-and-twenty, daughter, said she, a match was -concluded by my father between me and a very fine gentleman. I loved -him, and (as I suppose all young women do in the like circumstances) -believed myself equally beloved by him. The courtship had been of a -year's standing; for you must know I was not very easily won. Every -thing was settled, and the day appointed for our marriage arrived; when, -instead of the bridegroom, whom we every minute expected, there came a -letter from him directed to me. The contents were, that having formerly -been engaged to a young lady by the most solemn vows, he had, -unfortunately for them both, forgot them all on seeing me, and had broke -through every obligation divine and human to obtain me. He intreated -mine, and my family's pardon, in the most pathetic manner, for having -engaged our esteem so far as to consent to an union, of which he found -himself unworthy, and which it was impossible for him to accomplish; -for, said he, the wrongs I have done the woman, whose youth I seduced, -rise to my imagination with so much horror, that, for the empire of the -world, I would not complete my guilt, by devoting that hand to another, -to which she only has a right. He enlarged greatly on the sufferings of -his heart, in the struggle between his love for me, and his duty to the -person who had his first vows; and whom, he declared, his infidelity had -almost brought to the grave. He claimed my pity, both on his own and her -account; and repeatedly intreated my forgiveness of his fault. - -The whole letter, which was very long, was so expressive of a mind -overwhelmed with despair, that I was exceedingly shocked at the reading -of it. What could I say? The plea he offered for his seemingly strange -conduct, was too just to admit of any objections. I own the -disappointment afflicted me, but I bore it with a becoming resolution. -My family were at first exceedingly exasperated against my doubly -unfaithful lover; but, upon enquiring into the facts, they found the -truth to be as he had represented it. The conclusion was, that, upon the -very day on which he was to have been married to me, and on which he had -writ me that gloomy letter, he was seized with a melancholy, with -increasing on him daily, soon after ended in absolute madness, and he -was obliged to be confined for the remainder for his life. The young -lady lived but a short time after the melancholy fate of her lover, and -died, as it was said, of a broken heart. - -It was a great comfort to me to reflect that my fate disposed otherwise -of me than to this unhappy gentleman; for I am very sure, had these -fatal events happened in consequence of my marriage with him, that I -should never have survived it. - -This extraordinary anecdote of my mother's life, which I had never had a -hint of before (for she could not speak of it without great emotion), -very much affected me. Sir George said, the story was more tragical than -he had apprehended, and told my mother, _that_ was an accident which -fell out between the cup and the lip, with a vengeance. - -My mother continued thoughtful for a good while; and I was sorry that -the memory of this melancholy story had been revived; but Sir George -talked and laughed us both in spirits again. - - - _July 6_ - -This Mr Faulkland is a princely man; he has sent me _such_ a set of -jewels! My mother says they are too fine for a private gentlewoman; but -George tells her they are not a bit too fine for Mr Faulkland's _wife_, -and only suitable to his fortune. You know I have but few of my own, -those only which were my mother's when she was a maiden. The greatest -part of her's, and by much the finest, were presented to her by my -father; but those she reserves for Sir George, against the time of his -marriage, as a present for his lady; for they are family jewels. - - - _July 8_ - -My probation is over, my Cecilia.--The formidable question has been put -to me, and I have answered it--Ay marry, say you, but how? In the -_negative_, to be sure, my dear--No, no, my Cecilia; a valuable (psha! -what an affected cold word that is), a lovely and most worthy man, with -six thousand pounds a year, is a prize that a country girl must not -expect to draw every day. Mr Faulkland, in _lover-like_ phrase, demanded -from me the time of his destined happiness: I referred him to my mother. -She, good and delicate as she is, referred him back to Sir George. -George blurted out some sudden day that startled us both, when Mr -Faulkland reported it to us. I stammered out something; my mother -hesitated; Sir George came in, and blundered at us all; so I think we -compounded for the time, and amongst us fixed upon this day month--And -full soon enough, says my Cecilia: you have known the man but about six -weeks, and surely a month is as little time as you can take, in -preparing fineries. True, my girl, true; but it is all George's doings. -Indeed, my Cecilia, without affectation, I had much rather have had a -longer day; though I think I _know_ the man as well in those six weeks, -as if I had been acquainted with him so many years; for he has spent -most of his hours with us every day during that time; and my mother says -he is one of those in _whom there is no guile_. - -Sir George is downright insolent; he declares I am not sensible of my -own happiness, and that I deserve to be married to some little petty -Wiltshire 'squire. He so piques himself upon making this match, there is -no bearing him. He has taken all matters of settlement upon himself, and -insists on my mother's not interposing. She acquiesces, but charges my -brother not to let Mr Faulkland's generosity carry him too far, and bids -him remember what is due to his friend, as well as to his sister. - - - _July 10_ - -I really begin to be hurried. My mother, you know, is exactly -punctilious in every thing. Such a quantity of things _are_ bought, and -such a quantity to _be_ bought, that there is no end of journies into -the city. Then milaners and mantua-makers!--One would think I was going -to pass the remainder of my life in a remote country, where there were -no kind of manufactures or artificers to be come at, and that I was to -provide cloathing for half a century. - - - _July 12_ - -I have much upon my hands, and Sir George is so impatient, and -troublesome, that I believe I must employ an amanuensis, to give you a -minute detail of all our foppery; for I shall not have patience to do it -myself. - - - _July 17_ - -Sir George has often told me, that he knows of no fault Mr Faulkland -has, but a violence of temper when provoked. I saw an instance of it -to-day, which I was sorry for, and the more so, as I was in some measure -accessary to it. Mr Faulkland, my brother, a lady of our acquaintance, -and myself, took a ride in Hide-Park this morning. We were to dine at -Kensington (where my mother was to meet us), at the house of the lady (a -relation of Mr Faulkland's), who was with us. - -We rode into the stable-yard of her house, in order to alight. My horse, -which happened to be a young one that Sir George had newly bought, saw -some object that made him shy of advancing, and he turned suddenly -about. A footman of Mr Faulkland's, who chanced to stand just behind me, -very imprudently, though I am sure with design of harm, gave him a -stroke with his whip, which made the animal plunge and throw me, as I -had not time to recover my seat from the first short turn he made. I -luckily received not the least hurt, and was on my feet in an instant. -But Mr Faulkland, who had leaped off his horse even before I fell, was -so enraged at the fellow, that he gave him two or three sound lashes -with his whip across the shoulders, which fell on him as quick as -lightning. I am inclined to think the servant was not sober; for he had -the insolence to lay hold of his master's whip, and muttered an oath or -two. Mr Faulkland's attention being quickly turned to me, he took no -farther notice of the man. We went into the house; and after I had -assured them all I was not in the least hurt, I begged of Mr Faulkland -to forgive the footman, who had undesignedly caused the accident. He -made a thousand apologies, for having let his anger so far transport -him, as to chastise his servant in a manner he was not used to do; but -the peril he put you into, madam, addressing himself to me, made me -forget myself. I repeated, I hope, Sir, you have forgiven him. I wish, -my dear Miss Bidulph, said he, that the fellow were guilty of no other -fault but this, that I might shew you my readiness to obey you; but he -is such an intolerable sot, that there is no keeping him with safety. I -have forgiven him several idle things; but as I had determined to part -with him before this happened, I hope you will be so good as not to -insist on my retaining him. I could not intercede for the foolish fellow -after this: so said no more. - -This little incident convinces me that Mr Faulkland is of too warm a -temper; yet I am not alarmed at the discovery; you know I am the very -reverse; and I hope in time, by gentle methods, in some measure to -subdue it in Mr Faulkland. His own good sense and good nature must -incline him to wish it corrected. My brother says, he has often lamented -this vice of his nature to him, and said he had taken infinite pains to -get the better of it; and had so far succeeded, that he seldom was -surprized by it, but on very sudden and extraordinary occasions; such -as, I suppose, he looked upon this to be, which I have related. - -We passed the day delightfully at Kensington, and did not return to town -till late. I think I have got cold, as we walked a long time in the -gardens. - - - _July 13_ - -I have got an ugly sore throat; my mother insists on my being let blood; -I am afraid of alarming her by complaining, though I had very little -rest all night. Mr Faulkland came early this morning to enquire after my -health: my mother told him I was not well. How tenderly dejected were -his looks, when I came into the room. Sir George made him stay to -breakfast; he scarce tasted any thing; he was quite cast down. My -brother rallied him (I thought it unreasonable) on the chance he had the -day before of losing his wife. Mr Faulkland answered, I wish I had -followed the first motion of my thoughts, and discharged that wicked -fellow a month ago. Sir George said, as it happened, there had been no -harm done; but he thought Mr Faulkland would do well to dismiss such an -insolent rogue from his service. He has saved me that trouble, said Mr -Faulkland, he has dismissed himself; but took care to first to rob me. -To rob you! we all repeated in the same breath. Yes, said Mr Faulkland: -I told him, after I got home, that he was to deliver up such things as -he had in his charge to my own man, as I meant to discharge him in the -morning. He made me no reply, for he was a sullen fellow; but when the -family were asleep, he contrived to pick the lock of a bureau in my -dressing room, where I sometimes keep money. I believe what induced him -to it was, his having seen me yesterday morning, when I was going to -ride (a precaution which I generally use), put my pocket book into this -place, and I suppose he concluded there were bank notes in it, for he -took _that_ (I presume without staying to examine it) and all the money -he could find besides, and very cleverly made his escape out of a back -window, which was found open this morning. - -My mother lectured Mr Faulkland a little, for suffering a servant, -whose fidelity he was not sure of, to see where he deposited his money; -which, she said, might prove a temptation to one, who was _not_ so ill -inclined as this man. Mr Faulkland acknowleged it was careless in him; -but said, in his justification, he had been accustomed to very honest -people about him, which rendered him less suspicious. - -He appeared so anxious and unhappy about my indisposition, that I -affected to make as light of it as possible; though indeed I find myself -very much out of order. With what a kind sorrow did he observe my looks; -sighs now and then stole from him, as his eyes were fixed on my face. I -am obliged to him, yet I think I should be as much concerned for _him_, -if he were ill. - -Here is a whole cargo of silks and laces just sent in to me--Heigh-ho! I -can't look at them--I am not well--and I have such a gantlope to run of -visiting and racketting, that the thought makes me sicker. - - - _July 27_ - -After a fortnight's, a dreadful fortnight's intermission, I reassume my -pen. I have often told you, Cecilia, I was not born to be happy. Oh! I -prophesied when I said so, though I knew not why I said it. - -I will try to recollect all the circumstances of this miserable -interval, and relate them as well as I can. The last line in my journal -(which I have not yet ventured to send you, as your stay at Paris is so -uncertain) informs you that I was ill. I was let blood; but my disorder -increased, and I was in a high fever before next morning. I remember -what my reflections were, and am sure my apprehensions of death were not -on my _own_ account afflicting, but grievously so at the thoughts of -what those should feel whom I was to leave behind. - -My mother and Mr Faulkland, I believe, chiefly engaged my mind; but I -did not long continue capable of reflection. The violence of my disorder -deprived me of my senses on the fourth day, and they tell me I raved of -Mr Faulkland. I remember nothing, but that, in my intervals of reason, I -always saw my poor mother in tears by my bedside. I was in the utmost -danger, but it pleased God to restore me to the ardent prayers of my -dear parent. In about ten days I began to shew some symptoms of -amendment, and enquired how Mr Faulkland did. My mother answered, he is -well, my dear, and gone out of town, but I believe will return in a day -or two. Gone out of town, said I, and leave me dying! Indeed that was -not kind of Mr Faulkland, and I shall tell him so. My mother was sitting -on the bedside, and had hold of my hand; my brother was standing with -his back to the fire place. I observed they looked at one another, but -neither made me any answer. Pray, Sir George, I cried, would you serve -the woman so whom you were so near making your wife? My brother was -going to reply, but my mother frowned at him; he looked displeased, and -went out of the room. Dear madam, said I, there is something the matter -with Mr Faulkland; don't keep me in suspence. I _know_ there is -something, which you and my brother would conceal from me. Is Mr -Faulkland sick? Not that I know of, I assure you, answered my mother; he -was well yesterday, for we had a message from him to enquire after your -health, as we have had every day, for he is but at Richmond; and you -know if he were in town, he could receive no other satisfaction than -hearing from you, as you are too ill to admit of any visits. My mother -rang the bell immediately, and asked me to take something; I saw she -wanted to turn the conversation. My maid Ellen came into the room, and I -asked no more questions. - -My mother staid with me till it was time for her to go to rest; but -avoided mentioning Mr Faulkland's name, or giving me any opportunity of -doing it; for she tenderly conjured me to keep myself quite composed, -and not to talk. The doctor assured her this night that he thought me -out of danger; and she retired with looks of cordial delight. - -She was no sooner gone, than I called Ellen to my bedside, and charged -her to tell me all she knew concerning Mr Faulkland. The poor girl -looked concerned, and seemed to study for an answer. Lord bless me, -madam! what should I know of him more than my lady has told you? When -did you see him, said I? Not for several days, she answered. Where is -he? At Richmond, I heard Sir George say; but I suppose he will come to -town as soon as he hears you are well enough to receive him. I catched -hold of her hand; 'Ellen, I know there is something, relative to Mr -Faulkland, which you all want to hide from me; don't attempt to deceive -me; you may be sure, whatever it be, I must soon be informed of it; in -the mean while, my doubts make me very unhappy.' - -The good-natured girl's trouble and confusion increased as I spoke: My -dear madam, she replied, when you are better my lady will tell you all: -'No, no, Ellen, I must know it now; tell it me this minute, or you must -never expect to see me better under such uncertainty. What is the _all_, -the frightful _all_, that I am to be told? How you have shocked me with -that little word!' I know nothing, madam, answered Ellen, but what I -gathered from Sir George's loud angry talk with my lady; and I should be -undone if her ladyship were to know I mentioned it to you. I assured -her my mother should not know it. Why then, madam (speaking lower), I am -afraid that Mr Faulkland has misbehaved, or has been belied to my -lady--She stopped at this--How? how? cried I eagerly; What has she heard -of him? Something of another courtship, she replied; but I hope it is -all false--You trifle with me--speak out, and say all you know. The poor -creature started at my impatience: 'I know no more, madam, than that I -heard my lady say to Sir George, I had rather Sidney were in her grave, -than married to him. Sir George said, But why will not you not let Mr -Faulkland justify himself, madam? Justify himself! my lady answered; -What can he say? Is it not plain that he is false to another woman? They -talked lower; but at last Sir George raised his voice, and said, he -would give half his estate to have the villain punished--All this, -madam, I over-heard by mere accident. Sir George was going abroad; his -linen was lying ready for him in his dressing-room; and his man desired -me to put a stitch in one of his master's point ruffles which was a -little ripped in the gathering. I had come up the back stairs into the -dressing-room, just as my lady (who was with Sir George in the -bed-chamber) said the words I first repeated; and while I stood doing -the ruffle, I heard the rest. There was a great deal more said, but I -could not distinguish any thing besides, except a word here and there, -which Sir George seemed to speak in a very angry tone. This was the -second day of your illness. Mr Faulkland had been here in the morning to -enquire how you did; my lady saw him, and I thought they parted very -friendly. I met Mr Faulkland coming down stairs; he looked full of -grief; my lady stood at the dining-room door, and wished him a good -morning. About an hour after came a letter directed to you; it was -brought by a porter, who said it required no answer. As you were too ill -to read it, I gave it to my lady; and it was soon after this, that I -heard the conversation between Sir George and her ladyship. Mr Faulkland -came again in the evening. Sir George was not at home; but my lady had -him above an hour in the drawing-room; and the footman, who let him out, -said, he looked as if he were in sad trouble. He has never been here -since, but sends constantly every day to know how you do. My lady -ordered me, if any letters came for you, to deliver them to her. And has -there any come to me? No madam; word was always sent to Mr Faulkland of -your being so ill, that to be sure he thought it would be in vain for -him to write to you.' - -This was all I could gather from the maid. What a night did I pass? I -scarce closed my eyes. Ellen lay in a field-bed by me; she had watched -several nights, and I obliged her now to undress and go into bed. She -slept soundly; how I envied her tranquility! If I forgot myself for a -few minutes, my slumbers were distracted, and I started at the -recollection of what I had already heard, and the dread of what I had -_still_ to hear. Mr Faulkland absenting himself from the house so long; -my mother wishing me in the grave, rather than be his wife; my brother -denouncing vengeance on the _villain_! These were the terrible ideas -that haunted me till morning. What can he have done, I cried aloud -several times? I summoned to my aid all the fortitude I was mistress of, -and resolved not to sink under the calamity, be it of what nature it -would. - -My mother, ever kind and tender, came early the next morning into my -room. She enquired after my health, and looked as if she _pitied_ me. I -was ready to cry at her compassionate glances; they mortified me, but I -was determined not to let her perceive it. I told her I was much better; -and, what is surprizing, I was really so, notwithstanding the uneasy -state of my mind. She talked of indifferent things, and said, she hoped -I should soon be able to go into the country for a few days, to recover -a little strength. I answered, I hope so too, madam. We were both silent -for a while; my mother had her indulgent eyes fixed upon me; mine were -cast down: at last I resolved to speak out. Madam, said I, looking -steadfastly at her, what is the cause of your coldness towards Mr -Faulkland? 'Tis in vain for you to hide it longer; you say he is _well_, -and gone out of town. If he has shewn any slight towards me, tell me so -at once; and do not entertain so mean an opinion of your daughter, as to -suppose she cannot bear the news. Your tenderness, I see, would conceal -_something_ from me; but believe me, madam, I am prepared for the worst. - -My dear, replied my mother, it gives me great pleasure to hear you say -so. I pray God preserve my child, and grant her a better lot than she -could hope for in a union with Mr Faulkland. What has he done, madam? My -dearest Sidney, she answered, this is the first trial you have ever had -of your patience; but I have no doubt that your goodness and discretion -will teach you to act as becomes your character. - -I did not intend to have spoken to you on the subject, till you were -better able to bear the knowlege of what I am going to acquaint you -with; but your prudence, I think, makes you equal to every thing; and I -hope your health will not be endangered by the discovery of Mr -Faulkland's baseness. (What a dreadful preface!) - -The day after you were taken ill, a letter, directed to you, was brought -hither by a porter, which your maid (very discretely) delivered to me. -As you were not in a condition to read it yourself, I thought proper to -open it. The cover contained a few lines addressed to you; and in it was -inclosed a letter directed to Mr Faulkland. Good God, added she, taking -the papers out of her pocket, how little reliance ought we to have on a -fair outside! - -Here are the letters; read what is in the cover first. I did so; it was -ill writ, and worse spelt. These were the contents: - - Madam, - - I hear you are soon to be married to Mr Faulkland; but as I think - it a great pity that so virtuous a young lady should be thrown - away, this is to inform you, that he does not deserve you. - - The inclosed letter, wrote to him by a fine and beautiful young - lady that he decoyed, shews you how false he is. When you tax him - with it, he will know from whence you got your information; but - let him deny it if he can. - - I am, madam, - You unknown friend, - and humble servant. - -The letter to Mr Faulkland, in a very pretty female hand, and the date -but a week old (from the time it was sent to me) was as follows: - - "Oh! Mr Faulkland, I am the most unfortunate woman in the world! - Fatal have you been to me, and I am undone for ever--I was in - hopes that our mutual fault might have been concealed; for, while - we staid at Bath, I kept my aunt intirely ignorant of what passed - between us, though she often pressed me to confess the truth; but - it can now no longer be concealed. I am but too sensibly reminded - of the unhappy consequences of my own weakness, and your - ungoverned (would I could call it) love. I never meant to trouble - you with complaints; but my present condition calls loudly for - your compassion. Are you then really going to be married? There - wants but this to complete my destruction! Oh! Sir, before it is - too late, take pity on me! I dare not continue in the house with - my uncle much longer. My aunt says, that, when my affliction - becomes so conspicuous as not to be any longer hid, she will form - a pretence, on account of my health, for me to be absent for some - months, under colour of going to Bath, or to London, for better - advice than I can have here. But what will this avail me? I have - no relations, no friends, nor acquaintance, that I can trust with - the secret of my miserable situation. To whom then can I fly, but - to you, the cause of all my sorrow? I beseech you, for Heaven's - sake, write to me, and tell me, if indeed you are going to give - your self away for ever! If you are, your intended bride, perhaps, - may have no other advantage of me, but what you in an evil hour - deprived me of. Write to me, dear, though cruel as you are; and - think of some place of refuge for your unhappy - A.B." - -When I had read these letters, my mother asked me, What I thought of Mr -Faulkland? Indeed, I was so astonished, that I scarce knew what answer -to make; but replied, Madam, are you satisfied that this letter is not -forged, with a design to injure Mr Faulkland? Ah! my dear said she, I am -sorry you strive to catch at so slender a twig; you may be sure I am but -too well convinced that the letter is genuine, or you should never have -had a moment's uneasiness by the knowlege of it. Mr Faulkland himself -does not deny it, and it is with his permission that I kept it. I -promised to return it, but desired leave to retain it for a few days. He -could not refuse me this, though he might easily imagine I designed to -shew it to you. That, indeed, _was_ my intention, when I desired to keep -it a little while in my hands, and I did so, that I might have your -judgment on the letter itself, as well as fully to justify my own -proceedings in what I have done. Ah! dear madam, cry'd I, scarce knowing -what I said, I rely on your maternal goodness; I am sure you have done -what is proper. Yet has Mr Faulkland nothing to say for himself?--But I -will ask no more questions--I know too much already--My love, said my -mother, you have a right to know every thing relative to this affair. - -I shewed the letters to your brother, as soon as I received them. Sir -George at first seemed quite confounded, but afterwards, to my very -great surprize, he smiled, and said, he knew of that foolish business -before. I asked him, if he knew of it before, how he could answer it to -his honour, his conscience, or the love he ought to bear his sister, not -to divulge it immediately? Why, said he, I assure you it is a _trivial_ -affair, that ought not to make you uneasy. - -What, George! I answered I, a trivial matter for a man to ruin a fine -young lady, forsake her, and dare to involve an innocent creature in his -crimes! Do you call this a _trivial_ affair? If you knew the -_circumstances_, said he, you would not view it in so disadvantageous a -light. Faulkland certainly gained the affections of a young lady, though -without seeking to do so; he never courted her, never attempted to -please her, much less to win her heart, and least of all to ruin her -virtue. I know that is an action he is not capable of committing. How -comes it to pass then that he _did_ so, said I, interrupting him? Why, -the girl was silly, and she was thrown in his way by a vile designing -woman that had the care of her, 'And was he (again stopping him) to take -advantage of her folly, and join with that _vile designing_ woman, to -destroy a poor young creature's honour?' The _best_ men, said he -confidently, may fall into an error; and if you expect to find a man -entirely free from them, you look for what is not possible in human -nature. - -I may expect to find a man without flagrant crimes to answer for, I -hope; and I believe I spoke it with warmth. Do you call _this_ one, -madam, said he, with still more assurance? I hope Sidney will not be -such a chit as to think in this manner, when she comes to hear the -affair explained. I really grew down-right angry, and could not forbear -saying, I would rather see you married to your grave than to such a man. -Your brother then begged I would hear Mr Faulkland _justified_, and be a -little cool till that was done. I told him there was a terrible fact -alleged, of which I could not conceive it possible for him to acquit -himself. - -George said, he had a letter to shew me on the subject, which he had -received from Mr Faulkland while he was at Bath, and which he was sure -would convince me, that the whole affair was so trifling, it ought by no -means to be objected to Mr Faulkland, nor, in his opinion, even -mentioned to him. - -I told him I was sorry to find that he and I thought so differently; for -that I was determined to speak to Mr Faulkland immediately about it, -and, if he could not satisfy me intirely on the score of the injured -lady, that he must never think of Sidney more. - -Your brother said, that the letter which was sent to you had come from -the revengeful dog who had robbed his master, and that he would give -half his estate to have the villain punished as he deserved. Mr -Faulkland, it seems, had told him this himself. The fellow found it in -the pocket-book which he had taken out of the escrutore, and his -disappointment, perhaps, at not getting a better booty, (for he found -but twenty moidores besides), joined to his malice against his master, -incited him to make the use he did of this letter. Now, continued my -mother, though the fellow is undoubtedly a vile creature, yet, my dear, -I think _we_ are obliged to him for this discovery, providentially as it -has come, to save you from what, in my opinion, would be the worst of -misfortunes. - -The loss of this letter had alarmed Mr Faulkland so much, that he put an -advertisement into the papers next day, worded in so particular a -manner, as shewed how very fearful he was of that letter's coming to -light; for, no doubt, he suspected the man might make a dangerous use of -it. The advertisement said, that if the servant, who had absconded from -his master's house in St James's Square the night before, would restore -the papers which he took with him, they should be received without any -questions being asked, and a reward of twenty guineas paid to any person -who should bring them back. This advertisement, which, to be sure, the -fellow either did not see at all, or had not time enough to avail -himself of it, shews you to what sad resources people are driven, who, -having done unwarrantable actions, are often in the power of the lowest -wretches. I own this circumstance gave me a very ill impression of Mr -Faulkland. Your brother says, he remembers this man was one of the -servants he took with him to Bath, and, without doubt, he knew of his -amour. The advertisement has since been changed, by Sir George's advice. -I find the man is named, his person described, and a reward of fifty -pounds offered for the apprehending him; but I take it for granted he -has got out of reach. - -Though his little digression was very pertinent, I was impatient to know -what had passed between my mother and Mr Faulkland on the fatal subject, -and could not forbear asking her. - -I shall tell you, said she, in order. Your brother and I had some -farther altercations; and indeed, my dear, it amazes me to find, that a -young man, educated as Sir George was, in the early part of life, in the -strictest principles of virtue, and the son of parents, who, thank God, -always gave him the best example, should have so far deviated from the -sober paths he was brought up in, as to treat the most glaring vices -with a levity that shocked me. But, I suppose, the company he kept -abroad, among whom this hypocrite Faulkland was his chief, has quite -perverted him. He gave me the letter to read, which he had received -from his friend whilst he was at Bath; and which, he said, was to -convince me that it was such a _trifling_ affair, that we ought not to -take the least notice of it. And all his reason for this was, truly, -because that loose man treats the subject as lightly as he does. I am -afraid Sir George is no better than himself, or he would not have -ventured to make him the confidant of his wild amours; and that at a -time too when he was encouraged to address you. He tells him of a very -pretty young lady (innocent he says too) that he got acquainted with, -who came to Bath under the care of an aunt and uncle; he talks some idle -stuff of avoiding her, when he found she liked him, and that the aunt -(wicked woman!) contrived to leave them together one evening, when, I -understand, the poor young creature fell into the snare that was -prepared for her. For, would you believe it, my dear, the monstrous -libertine, notwithstanding his pretences, owned that he had paid a price -for the girl to her aunt. The betrayed creature herself knew not of -this. - -I own I had not patience to read the letter through. To say the truth, I -but run my eye in a cursory manner over it; I was afraid of meeting, at -every line, something offensive to decency. And _this_ was the account, -which, in your brother's opinion, was entirely to exculpate Mr -Faulkland. I think I never was so angry. I threw the letter to George -with indignation, telling him, I was ashamed to find, that he, after -knowing an incident of this kind, had so little regard to the honour of -his sister, as to promote a marriage between her and such a rake. He -answered, if I kept you unmarried till I found such a man as _I_ should -_not_ call a rake, you were likely to live and die a maid. That -for his part, he was very sorry, as well for Mr Faulkland's sake as -yours, he had ever proposed an union, which he found was likely to be -overthrown by unseasonable scruples. And the gentleman, in a violent -passion, flung out of the room, without deigning even to take up the -letter which had fallen on the floor. - -I presume he went directly to his friend Faulkland, and told him all -that had passed; for the plausible man came to me in the evening, and -with looks, full of pretended sorrow, but _real_ guilt, begged I would -hear him on the subject of a letter which he said he found had -unfortunately prejudiced me against him. To be sure he was prepared, and -had, with George's help, contrived an artful story to impose on me. He -took me unawares; but I was resolved not to give him the advantage of -arguments, but proceed to ask him a few plain questions. I therefore cut -him short at once, by saying, Mr Faulkland, I am extremely concerned -and shocked at what has happened; I will say but a few words to you, and -desire to hear nothing more than answers to my questions: he bowed, and -remained silent. - -I then asked him, taking the young lady's letter out of my pocket, -whether that was from the same person, of whom he had written an account -to my son whilst he was at Bath? He answered, It is, madam; and I hoped -from that letter, which I find Sir George has shewn you, you would be -induced to believe that I never formed a thought of injuring that young -lady, till some unfortunate circumstances combined, and suddenly -surprized me into the commission of a fault that has made us both -unhappy. Sir, said I, I don't pretend to know people's hearts, I can -only judge of them from their actions. You acknowlege that she was a -fine young woman, and you believe innocent: What excuse can you offer -for being her destroyer? Dear madam, don't use so severe an -expression--Sir, I can use no other: How can you extenuate the fault, by -which you merit so severe an appellation? To a lady of your rigid -delicacy, madam, said he, perhaps what youth could offer, in extenuation -of the fault, might appear but a weak plea: yet 'tis most certain, that -I was surprized into the fatal error: I am under no promises, no ties, -no engagements whatsoever to the lady. No ties, Sir! (interrupting him) -Is your own honour no tie upon you, supposing you free from any other -obligation? You see the consequence of this fatal error, as you call it: -here is a young person, of fashion, perhaps (I don't enquire who she is, -but she seems to have had no mean education), who is likely to bring a -child into the world, to the disgrace of herself and her family. On you, -Sir, she charges her dishonour, and mentions your marrying another, as -the blow which is to complete her ruin. Mr Faulkland, is not all this -truth? Be so good as to give me a direct answer. Madam, I cannot deny -it; you have the proof of it in your hands: from all that appears to -you, I am indeed very blameable; nay, I do not pretend to vindicate my -folly; but, Madam, do not aggravate my fault in your own thoughts, by -considering the affair in a more unfavourable light than what even her -letter puts it! I conjure you, madam, to suffer Sir George to be my -advocate on this occasion; he is acquainted with every particular of the -transaction, and can give you a detail that I will not presume to do. Be -pleased, Sir, replied I, to tell me what you mean to do in regard to -this lady? I mean to do all that I _can_ do, answered he; I shall -provide a place of retreat for her, where she will meet with the utmost -care, tenderness, and respect; and where she may continue with privacy -till she is in a condition to return home again to her friends. You may -be sure, madam, as to the rest, I shall acquit myself consistently with -honour. That is as much as to say, Sir, said I, that you will take care -of the maintenance of your poor babe. He looked as if he had a mind to -smile, forward man! but constrained it. Doubtless, madam, I shall do all -that is now in my power to do, in every circumstance relating to her. - -I felt myself exceedingly displeased with him; I was so disappointed in -my opinion of him, that it increased my resentment. Sir, I proceeded, I -must inform you, that there is as much _now_ in your power as ever there -was. You are still unmarried; the way is open to you, to repair the -mischief you have done: I will never bring down the curses of an injured -maid upon my daughter's head, nor purchase her worldly prosperity at the -expence of the shame and sorrow of another woman, for ought I know, as -well born, as tenderly bred, and, till she knew you, perhaps as innocent -as herself. For heaven's sake, madam! he cry'd, don't, don't, I beseech -you, pronounce my fate so hastily--You must pardon me, Sir, said I, if I -beg to hear no more on this subject. Sir George has already said every -thing you could expect of your friend to say in your justification, and -more than became him to utter. All I can find by either you or him, is, -that you think the loss of honour to a young woman is a trifle, which a -man is not obliged to repair, because truly he did not _promise_ to do -so. This young creature, I understand, is a gentlewoman, very charming -in her person, by your own account; one who loves you tenderly, and will -shortly make you a father. Is not all this so? I grant it madam, said -the criminal. Then, Sir, what reason can you urge in your conscience for -not doing her justice? None--but your own inconstant inclinations, which -happen now to be better pleased with another woman, whom, perhaps, you -might forsake in a few months. - -I cannot pretend to repeat to you all he said upon this last article: -worse of course, you may be sure. He intreated, over and over again, -that I would permit Sir George to plead for him. I told him, that after -the facts he had granted, it was impossible that either he or Sir George -could make the affair better; that I was very sorry to find myself -disappointed in a person of whom I had conceived so high an opinion; and -added, that as your illness made it very improper to let you know any -thing of the matter for the present, I should take it as a favour if he -would permit me to retain the lady's letter to him for a few days, or -till you were in a condition to have the matter broke to you. In the -mean while, I requested that he would dispense with my receiving any -more visits from him. - -He said some frantic things (for the man seems of a violent temper); but -finding me peremptory, took his leave with respect. - -I understand from Sir George, that he flew directly down to Richmond, to -a little house he has there, where he has remained ever since; but sends -every day to enquire after your health. Sir George, I am sure, sees him -often; for he frequently goes out early in the morning, and stays abroad -till night. The increase of your illness, from the time I received the -last visit from Mr Faulkland, to such a degree as to alarm us for your -life, I suppose, prevented your brother from reassuming the subject; -though I can perceive he is full of anger and vexation on the occasion. -You are now, my dear, God be praised, in a hopeful way of recovery, and -I expect that George (who has, by espousing this man's interests so -warmly, very much offended me), that George, I say, will renew his -sollicitations in his favour. What do you say, my child? I should be -glad to know your thoughts, with regard to the part I have acted, as -well as with respect to Mr Faulkland's conduct. - -Shall I own my weakness to you, my dear Cecilia? I was ready to melt -into tears; my spirits, exhausted by sickness, were not proof against -this unexpected blow; a heavy sigh burst from my heart, that gave me a -little relief. You know my mother is rigid in her notions of virtue; and -I was determined to shew her that I would endeavour to imitate her. I -therefore suppressed the swelling passion in my breast, and, with as -much composure as I could assume, told her, I thought she acted as -became her; and that, with regard to Mr Faulkland, my opinion of his -conduct was such, that I never desired to see him more. This answer, -dictated perhaps by female pride (for I will not answer for the feelings -of my heart at that instant), was so agreeable to my mother, that she -threw her arms about my neck, and kissed me several times; blessing, and -calling me by the most endearing names at every interval. Her tenderness -overcame me; or, to deal with sincerity, I believe I was willing to make -it an excuse for weeping. Oh! my dear mother, cry'd I, I have need of -your indulgence; but indeed your goodness quite overpowers me. My dear -love, said she, you deserve it all, and more than it is in your mother's -power to shew you. What a blessed escape have you had, my sweet child, -of that wild man! Little did I think, my Sidney, when I told you the -story of my first disappointment, that a case so parallel would soon be -your own. With respect to you and me indeed, the incidents are nearly -alike; but there is a wide difference between the two men. My lover had -the grace to repent, and would have returned to his first engagements, -if a dreadful malady had not overtaken him; but this graceless Faulkland -persists in his infidelity, and would make you as culpable as himself. I -own to you, daughter, that the recollection of that melancholy event -which happened to me, has given me a sort of horror at the very thoughts -of a union between you and Mr Faulkland. You remember the sad -consequences which I related to you of an infidelity of this kind; the -poor forsaken woman died of grief, and the dishonest lover ran mad. -Think of this, my child, and let it encourage you to banish such an -unworthy man from your heart. I was afraid your regard for him might -make this a difficult task; but I rejoice to find your virtue is -stronger than your passion. _I_ loved as well as you, but I overcame it -when I found it a duty to do so; and I see your mother's example is not -lost upon you. - -The honest pride that my mother endeavoured to inspire me with, had a -good effect, and kept up my spirits for a time. She told me, she was -sure that Sir George would quarrel with us both, when we came to talk -upon the subject of the marriage; but she was entirely easy as to that, -now she knew that _my_ sentiments corresponded with her own. - -You know my mother has ever been despotic in her government of me; and -had I even been inclined to dissent from her judgment in a matter of -this importance, it would have been to no purpose; but this was really -far from my thoughts. - -I was as much disgusted with Mr Faulkland as she was, and as heartily -pitied the unhappy young creature whom he had undone. - -You may recollect, my dear, that my mother, tho' strictly nice in every -particular, has a sort of partiality to her own sex, and where there is -the least room for it, throws the whole of the blame upon the _man's_ -side; who, from her own early prepossessions, she is always inclined to -think are deceivers of women. I am not surprized at this bias in her; -her early disappointment, with the attending circumstances, gave her -this impression. She is warm, and sometimes _sudden_, in her -attachments; and yet it is not always difficult to turn her from them. -The integrity of her own heart makes her liable to be imposed on by a -plausible outside; and yet the dear good woman takes a sort of pride in -her sagacity. She had admired and esteemed Mr Faulkland prodigiously; -her vexation was the greater, in finding her expectations disappointed; -and could I have been so unjust to the pretensions of another, or so -indelicate in regard to myself, as to have overlooked Mr Faulkland's -fault, I knew my mother would be inflexible. I therefore resolved in -earnest to banish him from my thoughts. I found my mother was mightily -pleased with her own management of the conversation she had held with Mr -Faulkland. I think I talked pretty _roundly_ to him, said she; but there -was no other way; he is an artful man, and I was resolved not to let him -wind me about. He would make a merit of having _formed no designs_ upon -the young lady; why, possibly, he did not, till he found the poor soul -was so smitten with him, that he thought she would be an easy prey. Sir -George impudently insinuated, that a man _must_ not reject a lady upon -these occasions. I was ashamed to hint to Mr Faulkland at the -circumstance of his having actually paid a price for the girl; it was -too gross; and I think, had I mentioned it, must have struck him dumb: -though very likely he might have had some subterfuge, even for that -aggravating part of the story. - -How I am shock'd, my Cecilia, to think of this! I was glad my mother had -spared his confusion on this particular; for though probably, as she -observed, he had come prepared with some evasion to this charge, yet -what a mean figure must a man make, who is reduced to disingenuous -shifts, to excuse or palliate an action, despicable as well as wicked! - -My brother came in, during our discourse, to ask me how I did. My mother -answered his question before I had time to speak. She is pretty well, -thank God! and not likely to break her heart, though she _knows_ your -friend Mr Faulkland's story (and she spoke it scornfully). My brother -said, Sidney, Are _you_ as averse to Mr Faulkland as my mother is? I -replied, Brother, I wonder you can ask me that question, after what you -have been just now told. I always said, answered he, that you did not -know the value of the man, and now I am convinced of it. I wish he had -never seen you! I wish so too, said I. Sir George walked about the room, -and seemed vexed to death. For Heaven's sake, madam, (turning to my -mother) now my sister is tolerably recovered, suffer her to see Mr -Faulkland; let her hear what he has to say in his own vindication: I -think you may trust to her honour, and her discretion; and if the affair -appears to her in so heinous a light as it does to you, I will be -contented to give Mr Faulkland up; but don't shut your own ears, and -your daughter's too, against conviction. - -Sir, you are disrespectful, said my mother angrily. Dear brother, I -cry'd, I beg you will spare me on this subject; my mother _has_ given me -leave to judge for myself; she has repeated all that you have said, and -all that Mr Faulkland has been able to urge on the occasion; and I am -sorry to tell you, that I think myself bound never to have any farther -correspondence with him; therefore you must excuse me for not seeing -him. And so the match is broke off, cry'd Sir George. _It is_, said my -mother peremptorily. It is, echoed I faintly. Why then, replied Sir -George (and he swore), you will never get such another whilst you live. -A pretty figure you'll make in the world, when you give it for a reason -that you refused _such_ a man, after every thing was concluded upon, -because truly you found that he had had an intrigue! Why, Sidney, you'll -be so laugh'd at! He addressed himself to me, though I knew he meant the -reproof for my mother. Sir, answered she, neither your sister nor I -shall trouble ourselves much about the opinion of people who _can_ laugh -at such things. You may put the matter into as ridiculous a light as you -please: but this was no common intrigue; _you know_ it was not, however -you may affect to speak of it. I don't suppose _any_ of you are -_Saints_, but I trust in Heaven, some are better than others. Oh! madam, -madam, said my brother, if you knew the world as well _I_ do, you would -think that Mr Faulkland is one of the best. God forbid! my mother -answered coolly. Well, well, madam, cry'd Sir George, I see it is to no -purpose to argue; there are many families of more consequence than ours, -and ten times the fortune, that will be very proud of Faulkland's -alliance; and will hardly make it an objection to him, that he was led -into a foolish scrape by the wickedness of one woman, and the folly of -another. If you make my sister wait for a husband, till you find a man -who never offended in that way, I think, mother, you had better take a -little boy from his nurse, breed him up under your own eye, and by the -time Sidney is a good motherly gentlewoman, you may give her the baby to -make a play-thing of. For my own part, I am heartily sorry I ever -interfered.--People of such nice scruples had better chuse for -themselves; but I cannot help thinking, that both Faulkland and I are -very ill used. I told you (said my mother to me) how he would behave. -Sir George, I desire you will not distress your sister thus (She saw me -sadly cast down: I was ill and weak): if you have no respect for _me_, -have a little tenderness for her.--I beg your pardon, child, said he, I -did not mean to distress you, I pity _you_, indeed Sidney. I could have -cry'd at his using that expression, it humbles one so. Madam (to my -mother), you shall be troubled no farther by my friend or myself; all I -shall say is this, that whenever my sister gets a husband of your -ladyship's chusing, I wish he may have half the worth of the poor -rejected Faulkland. - -My brother left the room with these words. My mother was downright in a -passion, but soon cooled on his withdrawing. - -My spirits were quite fatigued; and my mother left me, that I might take -a little rest. - -What a strange alteration have a few days produced! our domestic peace -broke in upon by the unlucky difference between my mother and my -brother. My near prospect of--of--oh! let me be ingenuous, and say -Happiness, vanished--Poor Mr Faulkland! _Poor_ do I call him? for shame, -Sidney--but let the word go; I will not blot it. Mr Faulkland forbid the -house, myself harassed by a cruel disorder, and hardly able to crawl out -of bed. All this fallen on me within these last fourteen black days. -Then I dread the going abroad, or seeing company, I shall look so silly; -for the intended wedding began to be talked of;--and the curiosity of -people to know the cause of it's being broke off--What wild guesses will -be made by some, and what lies invented by others! Then the ill-natured -mirth of one half of the girls of my acquaintance, and the _as_ -provoking condolements of the other hand--I am fretted at the thoughts -of it--but it cannot be helped; I must bear it all--I wish I were well -enough to get into the country, to be out of the reach of such -impertinence. - -I long to know who this ill-fated girl is, that has been the cause of -all this. _A gentlewoman, and very pretty; one that loves Mr Faulkland, -and will shortly make him a parent._ Thus my mother described her to Mr -Faulkland, and he assented to it. Oh! fie, fie, Mr Faulkland, how could -you be so cruel to _her_? How could you use _me_ so ill? and Sir George -knew of all this, and makes light of it! it is a strange story! My -mother is severe in her virtue, but she is in the right--My brother -would sacrifice every consideration to aggrandize his family--To make a -purchase of the unhappy creature, and that without her knowlege too, it -is horrid! Away, away from my thoughts, thou vile intruder--Return to -your Bath mistress, she has a better right to you than I have; she -implores your pity; she has no refuge but you; and she may be every way -preferable to me--I wish I knew her name, but what is it to me; _mine_ -will never be Faulkland, _hers_ ought. Perhaps Mr Faulkland may be -induced to marry her, when he sees her in her present interesting -situation. He says he will provide a retreat for her; to be sure he will -have the compassion to visit her: and then who knows what may happen? -If I know my own heart, I think I do most sincerely wish he may make her -his wife; but then I would not chuse to have it known suddenly; that -might look as if he forsook me for her. _That_, I own, would a little -hurt my pride. I wish not the truth to be known, for Mr Faulkland's -sake; but then I should not like to have a slur thrown on me. - -I will add no more to this, but send the packet off at all events; I -think it will find you at Paris. - - - _August 1_ - -My health promises to return: my mother praises me, and calls me a -Heroine. I begin to fancy myself one: our pride sometimes stands in the -place of virtue. - -Sir George went to Richmond yesterday. We have scarce seen him since the -tift he had with us the other day. What strange creatures these men are, -even the best of them! and how light they make of faults in one another, -that shock us but to think of! - -My mother takes his behaviour very ill: he staid all night with his -friend, and returned to town this morning: he only looked into my room, -to ask me how I did: my mother was sitting with me. I believe that -hindered him from coming in; for he looked as if he wanted to speak to -me. He bowed to my mother, but said not a word; he went abroad again as -soon as he was dressed, and did not come in till late. I fear his -conduct will oblige us to separate; for my mother will not brook any -liberties to be taken with her: she hinted as much, and said she -believed Sir George was tired of living regularly. - -She anticipated the request I intended to make to her, of letting me go -out of town; for she said, as soon as I was able, I should remove into -the country for a while. Sidney Castle is too long a journey for me at -present to think of undertaking, and she talks of going into Essex, on a -visit to Lady Grimston, which we have long promised her. I shall like -this better than going down to Wiltshire, where the want of my Cecilia -would make my old abode a melancholy place, especially at this juncture. - - - _August 4_ - -Sir George continues sullen and cold to us: he never has had an -opportunity of saying any thing particular to me since the day he said -so much. My mother scarce ever leaves me; he seems nettled at this. I -believe he would endeavour to work on _me_, as he knows the attempt -would be vain in regard to _her_. As I am now well enough to receive the -visits of our intimate acquaintance, I am never without company. I am -really in pretty good spirits, and bear my disappointment (as I told you -I would) very handsomely. I never hear Mr Faulkland's name mentioned, no -more than if such a man did not exist. We are to set out for lady -Grimston's house on Tuesday; it is but twenty miles from London; and I -am already strong enough to bear a longer journey. - -My mother told Sir George, that if he liked it, the house we are now in -was at his service during her time of it, of which there are some months -to come; for she said, she meant to go directly home from Essex. Sir -George thanked her, but did not say whether he would accept of her offer -or not. - - - _August 5_ - -I have been obliged to turn away my poor Ellen. She was so imprudent as -to receive a letter for me from Mr Faulkland's man, contrary to my -mother's express commands. She brought it to me, and I gave it to my -mother unopened; who put it directly into the fire without reading it, -and told me it would oblige her, if I would part with the servant who -had presumed to take it after her prohibition. I instantly obeyed, and -have just discharged her. I should have a sad loss of her, only I am in -hopes of having her place well supplied by an old acquaintance and -play-fellow of ours, poor Patty Main; her father is dead, and she is -obliged to go to service, for he has left a widow with six children. The -eldest son, you remember, served his time to his father, and is just now -setting out in business; but a young surgeon in a country town must take -some time to establish himself; though he is a very worthy youth, and I -hear clever in his profession. - -Patty came to town last week with a lady from our neighbourhood, who -applied to my mother to recommend the girl to wait on some person of -fashion. My mother has been looking out for a suitable place for her; -but she told me today, she thought I could not do better than take her -to myself; I shall be very glad to have her, for she is an amiable young -woman. - - - _August 6_ - -We go out of town at seven o'clock to-morrow morning, as we are to dine -at Grimston-hall, and purpose going at our leisure. I will steal a few -minutes from sleep, though it is now very late, to give you a short -scene which passed in my chamber about an hour ago. - -Sir George (who, according to his late custom, had been abroad all day) -came into my room, where my mother and I were sitting together. He asked -us, Did we hold our purpose of going out of town next day? Yes, -certainly, my mother said. And you intend going from lady Grimston's to -Sidney Castle? We do. Then, madam (to my mother), as it is the last -trouble you are likely to have from Mr Faulkland, I hope you will not -refuse to read this letter, which he has sent you; and he took one out -of his pocket, and presented it to her. She did not make an offer to -receive it, but answered, Sir George, it is to no purpose for Mr -Faulkland to sollicit me; you know I don't easily alter my resolutions -when once they are fixed: he has given himself an unnecessary trouble; -pray excuse me: it was not handsome of him to write to my daughter, -after he knew my sentiments. You need not be afraid of fresh -sollicitations, madam, said my brother; I knew enough of your _firmness_ -(and he spoke the word firmness reluctantly, as if he would rather have -used another, perhaps less respectful term); I knew enough to assure -Faulkland there was not the least hope left for him; and though I do not -know the subject of that letter, I can venture to assure you, it is not -intended to move you in favour of his pretensions: this he declared to -me, before I would take the letter from him; but what puts it past -doubt, is, that he set out this very evening from London, in order to -embark for Germany. I could not help breathing a sigh when Sir George -said this; but no body heard me. He still held the letter in his hand, -and again offered it to my mother; you need not be afraid of it, madam; -I presume it may be no more than to take a civil leave of you. I wish -him well, said my mother, taking the letter; if that be all, what he -says may keep cold; and she put it into her pocket without opening. - -This being the eve of our journey, some little domestic matters, which -my mother had to settle, called her out of the room. Sir George took -that opportunity to ask me, whether my mother had shewed me the letter -which he had received from Mr Faulkland while he was at Bath, relative -to that cursed affair, as he called it. I told him, my mother had -repeated great part of the contents of it to me; and that the principal -observation she had made, was not favourable to _him_, on account of his -being made the confidant of such an affair. - -I am very sorry for your sake, Sidney, said he, that our mother is of so -inflexible a temper; you have lost by it, what you will have reason to -regret as long as you live. Such amazing obstinacy! such unaccountable -perverseness! I do not want to shake your filial obedience; but I, for -my own part, think that nothing but infatuation can account for your -mother's conduct--Does she want a man without passions? Or have _you_ -filled your head with such chimærical notions as to--I interrupted him -(for my brother is not always nice in his choice of words);--Dear Sir -George, say no more; I am very well contented as I am. I will not -increase your uneasiness, said he, by telling you what Faulkland has -suffered on this occasion. If ever love was carried to adoration, it was -in the breast of that generous, charming fellow--but you have lost -him--and I have lost him; thanks to my wise scrupulous mother for that. -I begged of him to drop the subject. My mother came in to us again. Sir -George bid us good night, and wished us a good journey. The parting was -cool enough. I am glad, however, there is not a total rupture. I believe -he will continue in our house in town for a time, at least. - -Patty Main, who gladly accepted of the offer of my service, came home to -me this evening. She is grown very tall and genteel. I hardly know how -to treat her as a servant; but the good girl is so humble, that she does -all in her power to make me forget that I ever knew her in a better -situation; but in this she fails of her purpose, for it only serves to -remind me the more strongly of it: she is so ready, and so handy, that -she does twenty little offices that do not belong to her place, and -which are not expected of her. My mother is exceedingly pleased with -her, and says it is such a happiness to have about me a young person -virtuously brought up, that she almost considers her as one of the -family. - - - _Grimston-hall, August 8_ - -We arrived here yesterday, and met a most friendly reception from the -lady of this mansion. But before I say any more of her, I will hasten to -a more interesting subject. I have got Mr Faulkland's letter to my -mother; she has just put it into my hands; and while she walks in the -garden with lady Grimston, I will make haste to transcribe it. Thus it -is: - - Madam, - - I submit to the sentence you have passed on me. I am miserable, - but do not presume to expostulate. I purpose leaving England - directly; but would wish if possible (a little to mitigate the - severity of my lot), to convince you, that the unhappy rejected - man, who aspired to the honour of being your son-in-law, is not - quite such a criminal as he now appears to you. - - To Sir George's friendship I know I am much indebted for - endeavouring to vindicate me. It was not in his power, it was not - in my own; for you saw all which I, in unreserved freedom, wrote - to him on the subject of my acquaintance with Miss B. - - I have but one resource left; perhaps, madam, you will think it a - strange one. To the lady herself I must appeal. She will do me - justice, and I am sure will be ready to acknowlege that I am no - betrayer of innocence, no breaker of promises; that I was - surprized into the commission of a fault, for which I have paid so - dear a price. - - Her testimony, madam, may perhaps have some weight with you; - though I propose nothing more by it, than that you may think of me - with less detestation. You have banished me from your presence: I - am a voluntary exile from my country, and from my friends: submit - to the chastisement, and would do anything to expiate my offence - against you and Miss Bidulph. There is but _one_ command which you - can possibly lay on me, to which I would not pay a perfect and - ready obedience; but that act, perhaps, is the _only_ one which - would make me appear worthy of your esteem. - - The lady whom it has been my ill fate to render unhappy, and by - whom I am made unutterably so, will, ere long, come to a house at - Putney, which I have taken on purpose for her. I have placed in it - my housekeeper, a grave worthy woman, under whose care she will be - safe, and attended with that secresy and tenderness which her - condition requires. - - I have written to her a faithful account of every thing relative - to my hoped-for alliance with your family, and the occasion of the - treaty's being broken off. As she must, by this means, know that - your ladyship is acquainted with her story, I have told her, that, - perhaps you might, from the interest you took in her misfortune, - be induced to see her in her retirement. Let me, therefore, - conjure you, madam, by that pious zeal which governs all your - actions, and by the love you bear that daughter so deservedly dear - to you, to take compassion on this young lady. She has no friends, - nor any acquaintance in this part of the kingdom; her situation - will require the comfort of society, and perhaps, the advice of - wisdom. It will be an act worthy of your humanity to shew some - countenance to her. - - I think she will be in very good hands with the honest woman who - waits her coming; but if any thing should happen otherwise than - well, it would make me doubly wretched. - - To one who has no resources of contentment in her own bosom, - solitude cannot be a friend; this I fear may be the lady's case; - and this makes me with the more earnestness urge my request to - you. Forgive me, madam, for the liberty I take with you; a - liberty, which, though I confess it needs an apology, yet is it at - the same time a proof of the confidence I have in you, which I - hope will not affront either your candour or your virtue. - - If you will condescend to grant this request, I shall obtain the - two wishes at present most material to my peace; the one to secure - to the lady a compassionate friend, already inclined to espouse - her cause; the other, to put it in your power to be satisfied from - the lady's own mouth, of the truth of what I have asserted. I - trust to her generosity to deal openly on this occasion. - - I wish you and Miss Bidulph every blessing that Heaven can bestow, - and am, with great respect, - - Madam, - Your ladyship's - Most obedient humble Servant, - ORLANDO FAULKLAND. - - P.S. The lady will go by the name of Mrs Jefferis: you will pardon - me for not having mentioned her _real name_. I never yet told it - even to Sir George; but I presume she will make no secret of it to - you, if you honour her with a visit. - -Poor Orlando! unhappy Miss B! I could name a third person, that is not -_happy_ neither. What a pity it is, that so many good qualities, should -be blotted by imperfections! how tender is his compassion for this poor -girl! how ingenuous his conduct! but still he flies from her. I fear she -can never hope to recover him. There is but _one_ thing, he says, which -_he would not do; the only act, perhaps, by which he could make himself -appear worthy of my mother's esteem_. The meaning of this but too -plainly shews him determined against marrying Miss B. I don't know any -thing else which would reconcile my mother to him. - -I make no doubt of her complying with Mr Faulkland's request in seeing -the lady; she is very compassionate, particularly to her own sex. - -What a _strange resource_ indeed is this of Mr Faulkland's, to appeal to -the lady herself! What am I to judge from it, but that the unfortunate -victim, ignorant of the treachery that was practised against her by her -wicked aunt, and that her destroyer paid a _price_ for her dishonour, -exculpates him from the worst part of the guilt, and perhaps, poor easy -creature, blames her own weakness only for the error which a concealed -train of cunning and perfidy might have led her into? - -But even supposing Miss B. were generous and candid enough (and great -indeed must be her candour and generosity) to justify this guilty man, -What would it avail? Did not my mother tell me she conceived a _sort of -horror at the bare idea of an union between Mr Faulkland and me_? This -arises from the strong impression made on her by the unlucky event which -blasted her own early love. Strong and early prejudices are almost -insurmountable. - -My mother's piety, genuine and rational as it is, is notwithstanding a -little tinctured with superstition; it was the error of her education, -and her good sense has not been able to surmount it; so that I now the -universe would not induce her to change her resolution in regard to Mr -Faulkland. She thinks he _ought_ to marry miss B. and she will _ever_ -think so. I wish he would; for I am sure he never can be mine. The bell -rings for breakfast; I must run down. My mother came up to dress just -now, and stepped into my room. I returned her the letter, and she asked -me, What I thought of Mr Faulkland's request? madam, you are a better -judge of the propriety of it than I am. I shall have no objection to -seeing the unhappy lady, said she, since it seems he has apprised her of -my knowlege of her affairs. I am glad he has the grace to shew even so -much compassion for her: perhaps it may be the beginning of repentance, -and time may work a thorough reformation in him, if God spares him his -life and his _senses_. You see which way my good mother's thoughts -tended. I did not, she added, intend to return to London again; but this -occasion, I think, calls upon me; and I believe I shall go for a while, -in order to see and comfort this poor young creature. She cannot yet be -near lying in; and I suppose she will not come to the house Mr Faulkland -speaks of, till she can no longer remain undiscovered at home; so that a -month or two hence will be full soon enough for me to think of going to -town. - -I saw my mother rested her compliance with Mr Faulkland's request, -merely on one point; that of compassion to the girl. As for the other -motive, said she, the hearing him justified from the _Lady's own mouth_, -I am not such a novice in those matters, but that I know when a deluding -man has once got an ascendency over a young creature, he can coax her -into any thing. Too much truth I doubt there is in this observation of -my mother's. - -But it is time to say something of lady Grimston. My Cecilia has never -seen her, though I believe she has often heard my mother speak of her. -They are nearly of an age, and much of the same cast of thinking; though -with this difference, that lady Grimston is extravagantly rigid in her -notions, and precise in her manner. She has been a widow for many years, -and lives upon a large jointure at Grimston-hall, with as much -regularity and solemnity, as you would see in a monastery. Her servants -are all antediluvians; I believe her coach horses are fifty years of -age, and the very house-dog is as grey as a badger. She herself, who in -her youth never _could_ have been handsome, renders herself still a more -unpleasing figure, by the oddity of her dress; you would take her for a -lady of Charles the first's court at least. She is always dressed out: I -believe she sleeps in her cloaths, for she comes down ruffled, and -towered, and flounced, and fardingal'd, even to breakfast. My mother has -a _very_ high opinion of her, and says, she _knows more of the world_ -than any one of her acquaintance. It may be so; but it must be of the -old world; for lady Grimston has not been ten miles from her seat these -thirty years. 'Tis nine years since my mother and she met before, and -there was a world of compliments passed between them; though I am sure -they were sincerely glad to see each other, for they seem to be very -fond. They were companions in youth, that season wherein the most -durable friendships are contracted. I believe her really a very good -woman; she is pious and charitable, and does abundance of good things in -her neighbourhood; though I cannot say I think her amiable. There is an -austerity about her that keeps me in awe, notwithstanding that she is -extremely obliging to me, and told my mother, I _promised to make a fine -woman_. Think of such a compliment to one of almost nineteen. My mother -and she call one another by their christian names; and you would smile -to hear the two old ladies (begging their pardons,) _Lettying_ and -_Dollying_ one another. This accounts to me for lady Grimston's thinking -_me_ still a child; for I suppose she considers herself not much past -girl-hood, though, to do her justice, she has not a scrap of it in her -behaviour. - - - _August 10_ - -All our motions here are as regular as the clock. The family rise at -six; we are summoned to breakfast at eight; at ten a venerable -congregation are assembled to prayers, which an ancient clergyman, who -is curate of the parish, and her ladyship's chaplain, gives us daily. -Then the old horses are put to the old coach; and my lady, with her -guests, if they chuse it, take an airing; always going and returning by -the same road, and driving precisely to the same land-mark, and no -farther. At half an hour after twelve, in a hall large enough to -entertain a corporation, we sit down to dinner; my lady has a grace of a -quarter of an hour long, and we are waited on by four truly venerable -footmen, for she likes state. The afternoon we may dispose of as we -please; at least it is a liberty I am indulged in, and I generally spend -my time in the garden, or my own chamber, till I have notice given me of -supper's being on the table, where we are treated with the same -ceremonials as at dinner. At ten exactly, the instant the clock strikes -the first stroke, my lady rises with great solemnity, and wishes us a -good night. - - - _August 14_ - -You cannot expect, in such a house as this is, my dear, that I can be -furnished with materials to give you much variety. Indeed these four -last days have been so exactly the same in every particular, excepting -that the dishes at dinner and supper were changed, that I had resolved -to hang up my pen till I quitted Grimston-hall, or at least resign it to -Patty, and let her plod on and tell you how the wind blew such a day; -what sort of a mantua lady Grimston had on such a day (though by the way -it is always the same, always ash-coloured tissue); what the great dog -barked at, at such an hour, and what the old parrot said at such a time; -the house and the garden I have exhausted my descriptive faculties on -already, though, they are neither of them worth describing; and I was -beginning to despair of matter to furnish out a quarter of an hour's -entertainment, when the scene began to brighten a little this auspicious -day, by the arrival of a coach full of visitors. These were no other -than a venerable dean, who is the minister of our parish, his lady and -daughter, and a Mr Arnold, a gentleman who is a distant relation of lady -Grimston's. He has a house in this neighbourhood, and is just come to -an estate by the death of his elder brother. - -This visit has given me hopes that I may now and then have a chance for -seeing a human face, besides the antiques of the family, and those which -are depicted on the arras. Though not to disparage the people, they were -all agreeable enough in their different ways. The old dean is good -humoured and polite; I mean the true politeness, that of the heart, -which dictates the most obliging things in so frank a manner, that they -have not the least appearance of flattery. Being very near sighted, he -put on a pair of spectacles to look at me, and turning to Mr Arnold, -with a vivacity that would have become five-and-twenty, he repeated - - 'With an air and a face, - 'And a shape and a grace, &c.' - -The young man smiled his assent, and my mother looked so delighted, that -the good-natured dean's compliment pleased _me_ for _her_ sake. Lady -Grimston, who is passionately fond of musick, has a very pretty organ in -one of her chambers; Mr Arnold was requested to give us a lesson on it, -which he very readily obliged us with. He plays ravishingly; the -creature made me envious, he touched it so admirably. I had taken a sort -of dislike to him when he first came in, I cannot tell you why or -wherefore; but this accomplishment has reconciled me so to him, that I -am half in love with him. I hope we shall see him often; he is really -excellent on this instrument, and you know how fond I am of musick. - - - _August 15_ - -This packet is already so large that I am sure it will frighten you. I -will therefore send it off before I increase it; especially as I am now -so much in the hum-drum way, that I ought, out of policy, to make a -break in my narrative, in order to encourage you to read it. Positively, -if things do not mend, and that considerably too,--Patty shall keep -the journal, for I find myself already disposed to sleep over it. - - - _August 20_ - -I have looked over what Patty has writ for the five last days; upon my -word she is a very good journalist, as well as amanuensis; and she has -given you, to the full, as good an account of matters and things as I -could. - -My time passes rather more tolerably than I expected. The dean's family -seem to have broke the solitary _spell_ that hung over the house, and we -have company you see every day. Mr Arnold never fails. I always make him -play; he is very obliging, and, if he were not good natured, I should -tire him. - - - _August 22_ - -I have had a letter from Sir George; he mentions not Mr Faulkland; I too -am endeavouring to forget him. When my mother goes to London, I will try -to prevail on her to let me go down to Sidney-castle. I have no -inclination to go to town, and less to stay here. We are to have a -concert to-morrow, at Mr Arnold's house. My lively good old dean touches -the bass viol, his daughter sings prettily; I am to bear my part too; so -that we begin to grow a little sociable. - - - _August 30_ - -Are you not tired of my Grimston journal, my Cecilia? Day after day rolls -on, and the same dull repetition! Lady Grimston, the Dean, and Mr -Arnold, perpetually! there is no bearing this, you cry. Well, but here -is a new personage arrived to diversity the scene a little. Lady -Grimston's daughter, a sweet woman; but her mother does not seem fond of -her. It amazes me, for she is perfectly amiable, both in temper and -person; she is a widow of about eight and twenty. Lady Grimston appears -to treat her with a distance very unmaternal; and the poor young woman -seems so humbled, that I pity her. She is come but on a visit, and we -shall lose her in a week, for which I am very sorry, as I have taken a -fancy to her. - - - _September 1_ - -Poor Mrs Vere! that is the name of Lady Grimston's daughter. I can now -give you the cause of her mother's coldness to her; I had it from -herself; she told me her little history this evening in the garden, with -a frankness that charmed me. - -How happy you are, dear Miss Bidulph, said she! you seem to be blessed -with one of the tenderest of parents. I am indeed, I answered; she is -one of the best of mothers, and the best of women. She sighed, and a -tear started into her eye; I too was happy once, said she, when my -indulgent father lived. I hope, madam, Lady Grimston is to you, what my -good mother is to me. She shook her head: No, Miss Bidulph, it must be -but too obvious to you that she is not. I should not have introduced the -subject, if the cold severity of her looks were not so apparent that -you must have taken notice of them. My mother is, undoubtedly, a very -good woman; and you may naturally suppose, that my conduct has been such -as to deserve her frowns; I will therefore tell you my melancholy, -though short story. It is now about twelve years since Mr Vere paid his -addresses to me. He was the eldest son of a gentleman of family and -fortune, who then lived in this country. I was about sixteen, and the -darling of my father; who was perhaps the more indulgent to me, as he -knew my mother's severity. Mr Vere was but two years older than myself, -and a childish courtship had gone on for some time between us, before it -was suspected by any body; and to say the truth, before I was well aware -of the consequences myself. It happened, that an elderly gentleman of a -great estate, just at that time saw and liked me, and directly made -proposals to my mother, as she was very well known to hold the reins of -government in her family. - -This offer, I suppose, was advantageous; for she immediately consulted -my father upon it, or rather gave him to understand that she meant to -dispose of her daughter in marriage. - -My father, who had no objection to the match, told her he was very well -satisfied, provided I liked the gentleman; but said, he hoped she would -not think of putting any force on my inclinations. My eldest sister had -been married some time before by my mother's sole authority, and quite -contrary to her own liking; the marriage had not turned out happily, and -my father was resolved not to have me sacrificed in the same way. - -My mother told him, she was sorry he had such romantic notions, as to -think a girl of my age capable of having any ideas of preference for one -man more than another; that she took it for granted I had never presumed -to entertain a thought of any man as yet, and supposed her precepts had -not been so far thrown away upon me, as that I could let it enter into -my head that any thing but parental authority was to guide me in my -choice. - -My father, from the gentleness of his nature, had been so accustomed to -acquiesce, that he made no other reply than to bid my mother use her -discretion. He came directly to me notwithstanding, and told me what had -passed. It was then, for the first time, that I discovered I loved Mr -Vere. I burst into tears, and clinging round my father's neck, begged of -him to save me from my mother's rigour. My gesture and words were too -passionate for him not to perceive that there was something more at my -heart than mere dislike of the old man. He charged me to deal -sincerely. I loved him too well, and was myself too frank to do -otherwise. In short, I confessed my inclination for Mr Vere, and his -affection for me. - -Though my kind father chid me gently for admitting a lover without his -or my mother's approbation, yet at the same time he told me, he would -endeavour to dissuade her from prosecuting the other match; though he -could wish, he said, I would try to bring myself to accept of it; -adding, he was afraid my mother would be much incensed by a denial. - -My mother was fond of grandeur; and would not like to have me marry any -one, who could not at once make me mistress of a fine house, and a fine -equipage; which I knew I must not expect to be the case with Mr Vere. -His father had several children, and was very frugal in his temper: -besides, as he was but of the middle age, and of a very healthy -constitution, his son's prospect of possessing the estate was, to all -human appearance, at a very great distance. - -These discouragements, however, did not hinder me from indulging my -wishes. My father's tenderness was the foundation on which I built my -hopes. I told Mr Vere the designs of one parent, and the kind -condescension of the other. Emboldened by this information, he ventured -to disclose his love to my father, begging his interest with my mother -in his favour. He had a great kindness for the youth, and was so fond of -me, that he would readily have consented to my happiness, if the fear of -disobliging my mother had not checked him. He represented to her in the -mildest manner, the utter dislike I had expressed of the proposed match, -and conjured her not to insist on it. My mother, unused to be -controuled, was filled with resentment both against him and me; she -said, he encouraged me in my disobedience; and that, if he did not unite -his authority to hers, in order to compel me to marry the gentleman she -approved of, it would make a total breach between them. - -My good father, who loved my mother exceedingly, was alarmed at this -menace. Unwilling to come to extremities either with her or me, he was -at a loss how to act. His paternal love at length prevailed, and he -determined, at all events, to save me from the violence which he knew -would be put upon my heart. - -My mother had never condescended to talk to me on the subject: she -thought my immediate obedience ought to have followed the bare knowlege -of her will. She forbad me her sight, and charged me never to appear -before her, till I came with a determination to obey her. - -However severe this prohibition was, I yielded to it with the less -reluctance, as my father's tender love made me amends for my mother's -harshness. Perhaps, had she vouchsafed to reason a little with me, -tempering her arguments with a motherly kindness, she would have found -me as flexible as she could wish; but the course she took had a very -contrary effect. I thought myself persecuted, and that it was for the -honour of my love to persevere. On the other hand, my father's secret -indulgence encouraged me in the sentiments I entertained, and I now -determined, not only to refuse my old lover, but to have my young one. - -My mother had given me a stated time in which I was to come to a -resolution, and if I did not, at the expiration of it, acquiesce, I was -to be pronounced a reprobate, and to be no more considered as her child. -In this emergency I had recourse to my father. I told him there was -nothing which I was not ready to suffer, rather than marry the man I -hated: my greatest affliction was the uneasiness I saw him endure on my -account; for my mother reproached him daily with my obstinacy. - -My father said, he thought the alternative offered by my mother, was to -be avoided but in one way, and that was, by marrying Mr Vere; For, added -he, when she finds you resolute in your refusal of her choice, not even -my paternal authority will be able to screen you from her severity, and -your life will be made miserable, without your father's being able to -relieve you. On the other hand, when you are out of her house, she -cannot distress you, nor prevent me from doing you the justice which I -owe my child. Nay, possibly in time, I may be able to work out a -reconciliation between you; but she must not know that I was consenting -to this marriage, lest an irreconcileable quarrel should ensue. I fell -at my father's feet, and embraced his knees, for this tender and -unexpected proof of his affection. - -Mr Vere's father was no stranger to his son's attachment, and we were -very sure he would readily come into the proposal which my father -intended to make. - -The two parents had a meeting secretly, where all the terms of portion -and settlement were speedily and privately adjusted. Mr Vere the father, -who had been long intimate in our family, knew very well the necessity -there was for keeping the secret. After this, my lover and I were to be -married privately, without the knowlege, seemingly, of any one in either -family, excepting one of the Miss Veres, who was to be present; and -when the time of my probation was expired, my father was to let my -mother into the knowlege of this affair, as a thing he had just -discovered; and to pacify her anger as well he could. - -Every thing was conducted in the manner proposed. I was married with the -utmost privacy, and continued in my father's house till the day arrived, -when I was to give my definitive answer. - -Unfortunately for me, my mother chose to receive it from my own mouth, -and called me into her presence. I appeared before her trembling and -terrified: I had not seen her for a fortnight, and I was in dread, lest -the discovery I had to make, should banish me her sight perhaps for -ever, unless my father might influence her in time to forgive me. She -asked me, with a stern brow, What I had resolved on? I had not courage -to make her an answer, but burst into tears. She repeated her question; -and I could only reply, Madam, it is not in my _power_ to obey you. She -did not comprehend the meaning of my words, but imputing them to -obstinacy, commanded me to leave the room, and not to see her face till -I came to a proper sense of my duty; at the same time ordering me into -my chamber, where I was to be locked up. - -I flew to my father, and conjured him to let my mother know the truth at -once, that I might be no longer subject to such harsh treatment; for I -knew the being sent home to my husband would be the consequence of her -being told that I had one. - -My poor father was almost afraid to undertake the task, though he had -been the chief promoter of my marriage, and his authority ought to have -given sanction to it. He ventured however to let her know, that I had -confessed to him what my fears of her immediate resentment would not -suffer me to discover whilst I was in her presence; and what my aversion -to the man she proposed to me, and the rigours I had been threatened -with, if I refused him, had driven me to. The rage my mother flew into, -was little short of phrenzy, and my father made haste to send me out of -the house. - -Mr Vere's whole family received me with great tenderness; but I was -sorry at leaving my father, whose visits to me were made but seldom, and -even those by stealth. - -My situation, though I was united to the man I loved, and caressed by -all his family, was far from being happy. My mother's inflexible temper -was not to be wrought upon, notwithstanding my father did his utmost to -prevail on her to see and to forgive me; and she carried her resentment -so far, that she told my father, unless he cut me off entirely in his -will, she was determined to separate herself totally from him. This was -an extremity he by no means expected she would have gone to. - -In a fit of sickness, which had seized him a few years before, he had -left me ten thousand pounds; five of this he had secretly transferred to -Mr Vere on the day of my marriage, and had promised him to bequeath me -five more at his death. - -In consequence of this disposition, he purposed making a new will, so -that he the less scrupled giving my mother up the old one, with a -promise of making another agreeable to her request. - -My mother's jointure was already settled on her; my eldest sister had -received her portion; so that there was little bequeathed by this -testament, but my fortune, and a few other small legacies. - -My mother tore the will with indignation, and not satisfied with my -father's promise, insisted on his putting it into execution immediately. -In short, his easy temper yielded to her importunities, and he had a -will drawn up by her instructions, in which I was cut off with one -shilling, and my intended fortune bequeathed to my eldest sister. My -mother was made residuary legatee to every thing that should remain, -after paying all the bequests. This would have amounted to a -considerable sum, if the half of my portion, which was already paid -without her knowlege, had not made such a diminution in the personal -estate, that after paying my sister the whole of what was specified in -the will, there was scarce any thing likely to remain. - -Had my mother known this secret, she would not perhaps have been so -ready to have made my father devise all my intended fortune to my -sister. My father, who was aware of this, durst not however inform her -at that juncture, how much she hurt herself, by forcing him to such -measures. She insisted upon his leaving the whole of what he designed -for me to my eldest sister; as well as to convince him, she said, that -she had no self-interested views, as to be an example to other -rebellious children. - -My father had no remedy on these occasions, but a patient acquiescence: -the will was made, and my mother herself would keep it. - -My father took an opportunity the same day to inform me what he had -done, but assured me, he would immediately make another will, agreeable -to his first intentions, and leave it in the hands of a faithful friend. - -This was his design; but alas he lived not to execute it. He was seized -that night with a paralytic disorder, which at once deprived him of the -use of his limbs and his speech. They who were about him believed he -retained his senses, but he was not capable of making himself understood -even by signs. Alarmed with this dismal account of my beloved father's -situation, I flew to the house without considering my mother's -displeasure; but I was not permitted to see him. I filled the house with -my cries, but to no purpose; I had not the satisfaction of receiving -even a farewell look from him, which was all he was capable of bestowing -on me. - -He languished for several days in this melancholy condition, and then, -in spite of the aid of physic, expired. - -The loss of this dear father so entirely took up my thoughts, that I -never reflected on the loss of the remaining part of my fortune; but it -was not so with my father-in-law. There had been a settlement made on me -in consequence of the fortune promised; though not equal to what it -demanded, yet superior to the half which was paid. He relied on my -father's word for the remainder, and had no doubt of its being secured -to him, knowing his circumstances, as well as his strict integrity, and -that my sister had actually received the same fortune which I was -promised. - -Mr Vere had four daughters, and it was on this fortune he chiefly -depended to provide for them. - -The news of my being cut off with a shilling exceedingly surprized and -exasperated him. Unluckily I had not mentioned to him, nor even to my -husband, the will which my father had been obliged to make. The -assurances he gave me, of immediately making another in my favour, -prevented me; as I thought it would only be a very severe proof of my -mother's enmity to the family, which I could have wished to conceal from -them; especially as I did not imagine it would have affected me -afterwards. Mr Vere the elder was from home when my father died, and his -business detained him for more than a month after his funeral was over. -My husband, on this occasion, shewed the tender and disinterested love -he bore me; he affected to make as light as possible of this unexpected -disappointment, but at the same time expressed his uneasiness, lest his -father should carry matters to an extremity with my mother, from whom we -knew we were to expect nothing by mild methods. - -It was now thought adviseable, that I should write to my mother, to -condole with her on my father's death; again to intreat her forgiveness -of my fault, and, as some mitigation of it, to acknowlege that it was -not only with my father's privity, but even with his consent and -approbation, that I had married. - -I wrote this letter in a strain of the utmost humility, without -mentioning a word of my fortune; _that_ I thought it would be time -enough for me to do, if I could prevail on my mother to see me, and -would at all events come better from my husband or his father, than from -me. But I gained nothing by this, only some unkind reflections on my -father's memory, and a message, that since he thought proper to marry -his daughter in a manner so highly disagreeable to her mother, he should -have taken care of providing for her; as he could not expect a parent, -so disobliged as she had been, would take any notice of me. - -My mother had been left sole executrix to my father's forced will; and -she took care to put my sister, and the other legatees, into possession -of what was bequeathed to them in a very short time after his decease. -She found there was an unexpected deficiency in his personal fortune, -insomuch that there was barely enough to pay his debts; and that her -being left the residue, after the specified legacies were paid, amounted -to nothing. On the contrary, had my father's just intentions taken -place, in leaving me five thousand pounds, she would have come in for -the other five; but the whole ten thousand now went to my sister. - -She was not long however at a loss to know how this came to pass. Mr -Vere determined to assert his own, and his son's right; and being -exceedingly provoked at my mother's behaviour, wrote to her immediately -on his return home; and having informed her of the settlement made on -me, on account of the fortune already paid, and what was farther agreed -on to be paid by my father, told her, he expected that this promise -should be punctually fulfilled. He said, he knew she had it in her power -to do this; and since it was by her contrivance I had been robbed of my -just right, if honour, and the duty of a parent, would not induce her to -make me proper amends, she must excuse him, if he made use of such means -as the laws allowed him, in order to compel her. - -Such a letter, to a woman of my mother's temper, met with such a -reception as might be expected. She tore it before his messenger's face; -and desired him to tell his master, that as what he had already obtained -was by fraud, so he was at liberty to make use of force to recover the -remainder; but with her consent, he never should have a single -shilling. - -This exasperating reply, made my father-in-law directly commence a suit -against her, in which the other legatees were made parties. The distress -I felt on this occasion is scarce to be imagined; the breach was now so -widened between my mother and my husband's family, that there remained -not the least hope of its ever being closed. Mr Vere unwillingly joined -with his father in pursuit of these measures. He would for my sake much -rather have yielded up his expectations, than supported them at the -expence of my quiet; but his father's will, and justice to the rest of -his family, compelled him to proceed, and deprived me of any pretence -for interposing. - -The law-suit was carrying on with great acrimony on both sides, when an -event happened, that made me then, and has indeed ever since, look with -indifference on every thing in this life; it was the death of my -husband. He was snatched from me by a violent fever, before he reached -his twentieth year. - -I will not pretend to describe my sufferings to you on this sad -occasion; they were aggravated by my being near the time of lying-in. - -Whatever affliction Mr Vere felt for the death of his only son, it did -not make him forgetful of what he owed his daughters; and he was -resolved to carry on the law-suit with the utmost vigour. - -You may suppose the house wherein I had lost a beloved husband appeared -a dismal place to me, especially in my present situation. I thought too, -my father's looks began to grow colder to me than they used to be; and I -begged I might have his permission to remove for a while. He did not -oppose it, and I went, at the pressing intreaties of your favourite, the -good old dean, to his house; where he and his lady behaved to me with -more than parental tenderness. My health was in so declining a way, that -this worthy man (as I have since learned) made several applications to -my mother to see me, but without success. At length the hour of my -delivery arrived, and I was brought to-bed of a dead female child. The -estate, in case of Mr Vere's dying without issue, devolved on his -sisters; and I was in hopes that this circumstance, so favourable to the -young ladies, would have induced their father to have been less rigorous -in persisting in his claim. But in this I was deceived; he loved money, -and was besides full of resentment against my mother. I thought however -of an expedient, which I flattered myself might work upon him; and by -good fortune it succeeded. - -Mr Vere, though I had left his house, visited me constantly, and kept up -a shew of tenderness, which I am sure he had not in his heart. I told -him one day, whilst I was still confined to my bed, that as I had now -lost both my husband and my child, a very moderate income would be -sufficient for me; and that as I valued my mother's peace of mind, -beyond any selfish consideration, I was very willing to give up half my -jointure, provided he would drop his suit. Mr Vere seemed surprized at -the proposal: he said, he wondered I could be so blind to my own -interest, and that all he was doing was purely for my sake. I thanked -him for his pretended friendship, but assured him, he could serve me no -way so effectually, as by coming into the measure I proposed. Mr Vere -said, I talked like a child; but he would consider of it. The following -day he called on me again, and told me, that to make me easy, he was -willing to come into my proposal; that he would have the proper -instruments drawn, by which I would relinquish half my jointure; and he -in consequence to give up all claim on my father's estate. - -I was much better pleased, at this losing agreement, than if I had -acquired a large accession of fortune. - -Mr Vere soon got the proper deeds ready, and they were executed in form. - -I now relapsed into an illness, from which I was supposed to have been -quite recovered, and my life was thought in great danger. I have since -been told, that Mr Vere repented his agreement at that juncture, and -told some of his friends, that if he had not been so hasty, he should -have had a chance for my jointure and my fortune too. - -I begged of the dean to go to my mother, and use his last efforts on -her, to prevail with her to see me and forgive me before I died; at the -same time, I sent her the release I had procured from Mr Vere, which I -knew was the most acceptable present I could make her. The dean urged -the danger I was in, without its seeming to make much impression on her. -I am willing to believe, that she thought the dean exaggerated in his -account of my illness. He owned to me himself, that he was shocked to -find her so obdurate. At length, he took the paper out of his pocket, -and presenting it to her, I am sorry, madam, said he, I cannot prevail -with you to act like a parent or a christian; your daughter I fear will -not survive her present malady; but she will have the comfort to -consider, that she has left nothing unattempted to obtain that -forgiveness, which you so cruelly deny her. I hope, lady Grimston, your -last hours may be as peaceful, as hers I trust will be from this -reflection. There, madam--she has by that instrument left you -disengaged from a troublesome and vexatious law-suit, that would, if -pursued, infallibly turn out to your disadvantage; it was all she -_could_ do, and what few children, used like her, _would_ have done. - -My mother, a great deal alarmed at the dean's manner of speaking, now -examined the contents of the paper. She seemed affected, and called him -back, as he was just leaving the room. She told him, she was not lost to -the feelings of nature; and that if he thought her presence would -contribute to ease my mind of the remorse it must needs labour under, -she was not against seeing me. - -The good man, glad to find her in this yielding disposition, told her -she could not too soon execute her intention; and pressed her to come to -his house directly. She suffered him to put her into his coach, and he -carried her home with him. The interview, on my side, was attended with -tears of joy, tenderness, and contrition. My mother did not depart from -her usual austerity; she gave me but her hand to kiss, and pronounced -her forgiveness and her blessing in so languid a manner, as greatly -damped the fervor of my joy. - -She staid with me not more than a quarter of an hour, and having talked -of indifferent things, without once so much as mentioning what I had -done, she took a cold and formal leave. - -This interview, as little cordial as my mother's behaviour was to me, -had so good an effect on me, that I began perceptibly to mend from that -hour. She sent indeed constantly to enquire how I did; but avoided -coming, lest, as she said, she should meet with Mr Vere, whom she could -never forgive. As soon as I was in a condition to go abroad, I went to -pay my duty to her. She received me with civility, but no tenderness; -nor has she ever from that time made me the least recompence for what I -have lost; her permitting me to see her, she thinks sufficient amends. - -I did not chuse to return to Mr Vere's house, as I had only a polite, -not a kind invitation. One of his daughters, she who had been present at -my marriage, and who always had shewn most affection towards me, was -about this time married to a gentleman, whose estate lay in another -country. When the bride went home, she pressed me to go with her so -warmly, that I could not refuse her; and during the time I staid with -her, I received so many marks of tenderness from her, that I resolved to -settle in her neighbourhood; and have now a little house near her, where -I have resided constantly ever since. I come once or twice a year to pay -a visit to my mother, but my reception, as you may see, is always cold, -and I seldom stay more than a few days. - -Old Mr Vere is dead; and his daughters, who were coheiresses to his -estate, are all married, so that the family is intirely dispersed; but -notwithstanding this, and the number of years that have passed over -since my marriage, my mother cannot yet endure the name of the family: -and always, as you may have observed, calls me by my maiden name. - -I was much affected at the story of the amiable Mrs Vere. The sweet -melancholy, which predominates in her countenance, shews that the -spirits, when broken in the bud of youth, are hardly to be recovered. -What a tyrant this lady Grimston is! I did not admire her before, but I -now absolutely dislike her. What a wife and a mother has she been to a -husband and a daughter, who might have constituted the happiness of a -woman of a different temper! And yet she passes for a wonderful good -woman, and a pattern of all those virtues of a religion, which meekness -and forgiveness characterise. She is mistaken, if she thinks that -austerity is necessary to christianity. The most that my charity allows -me to believe of such people is, that they impose on _themselves_, at a -time when the most discerning perhaps think that they are endeavouring -to impose on others. - -What an angel is my good mother, when compared to this her friend, whom -her humility makes her look upon as her superior in virtue! I am very -angry with Sir George, who in his resentment, said to me once, that she -was like lady Grimston. I then knew but little of that lady's character, -or I should have reproved him for it. - -I conjured Mrs Vere to make her visit longer than she had at first -intended. She told me, she would most gladly do it; but that it was a -liberty she did not dare to take, unless her mother asked her to prolong -it; which, she said, she possibly might do, in complaisance to me. - - - _September 4_ - -My mother I find has made lady Grimston her confidant in relation to my -affairs; the dear woman never keeps her mind to herself on any subject. -Lady Grimston highly applauds her conduct in that business; and bestowed -a few civil words on me for my filial duty, intermixed with an -ungrateful comparison of her own daughter's behaviour. And she condoled -with herself, by saying, that _good parents_ had not always _good -children_. She told my mother, that she wished to see the child (meaning -me) happily disposed of; for that, notwithstanding the prudence of my -behaviour, the world would be apt to cast reflections on me, on account -of the abruptness with which the match was broken off, without the true -reasons being known: and my illness, she said, might be imputed to the -disappointment; which might incline people to suspect the rejection had -been on Mr Faulkland's side. What a provoking hint was this my dear! it -has really alarmed my mother, who depends much on the judgment of her -friend, and has at the same time so nice a regard to the honour of her -family. I wish that formal old woman would mind her own business. - - - _September 6_ - -My mother and lady Grimston have had abundance of private confabulation -these two days, from which Mrs Vere and I are excluded. I wish there may -not be some mischief a brewing. One thing, however, has given me -pleasure; lady Grimston has invited her daughter to stay at -Grimston-hall as long as my mother and I continue here. - -Mrs Vere tells me, she suspects the subject of their conferences; but -she is perverse, and will not tell me what she thinks, for fear, as she -says, she should have guessed wrong, and her surmises would only teaze -me. - - - _September 10_ - -A packet sent me from London--A letter from Sir George--one from my -Cecilia--and so soon too! Welcome, welcome, thou faithful messenger, -from the faithfullest of hearts! - -Thou dear anticipating little prophetess! What put it into thy head to -call Mr Arnold a new conquest, upon my but barely mentioning him to you? -I was just going to tell you all; and behold your own whimsical -imagination has suggested the most material part to you already. You -desire me to be sincere: was that necessary, my sister, from _you_ to -_me_? You say, you are _sure Mr Arnold is, or will be my lover_, and -insist on my being more particular in my description of him. What a -strange girl you are! again I ask you, What put this into your head? -What busy little spirit of intelligence flew to you with the news before -I knew it myself? For as to the fact, it is but too certain. - -This has been the subject of my mother's and lady Grimston's private -conferences; and Mrs Vere (sly thing as she is) guessed it. It seems Mr -Arnold disclosed his passion to lady Grimston, in order to ask her -advice about it. She loves mightily to be consulted; and ill-starred as -I am, did me the honour to recommend me strongly to him; and she has -prepossessed my mother too in favour of this new man. I wish the -meddling old dame had been dumb. Now shall I go through another fiery -tryal! Heaven help me, if lady Grimston were to be my judge! But my -mother is all goodness. - -Well, but you want a description of this man. I will give it to you, -though I have scarce patience to write about him. Indeed, Cecilia, I am -vexed; I foresee a great deal of trouble from that quarter.--But come, I -will try what I can say. - -The man is about thirty, genteel, and handsome enough; at least he is -reckoned so, and I believe I should think him so, if I were not angry -with him. He is very like your brother Henry; and you know he is an -allowed handsome man. He seems to have plain good sense, and is good -humoured I believe: I do not know of what colour his eyes are, for I -never looked much at him. Lady Grimston says he is a _scholar_ (a thing -she pretends to value highly), and a mighty sober, pious, worthy -gentleman. He is of a very good family; and has an estate of about -fifteen hundred pounds a year, upon which there is a jointure of three -hundred pounds a year, paid to his brother's widow. Part of the estate -is in Kent, and part in this county of Essex, where he has a -mansion-house, a well-enough looking old-fashioned place, something in -the Grimston-hall stile, at about a mile distance from this; where he -passes most of his time. - -I have told you already, he plays divinely on several instruments; this -is the only circumstance about him that pleases me. - -He has not yet made his addresses to me in form; yet we all know that he -intends it, from his uncommon assiduity towards me; but he has a sort of -reserve about him, and loves to do every thing in his own way. - -Bless me!--here he is--his chariot has just driven into the court; and -Mrs Vere peeps in upon me, and with a most vexatious archness, bids me -come down to the parlour; but I will not, unless my mother desires me. I -will go into the garden, to be for a while out of the way. - - - _September 11_ - -Yesterday evening was productive of nothing but looks and compliments, -and bows, and so forth; except two or three delightful pieces of musick, -which he executed incomparably. But, this morning, my Cecilia, Oh! this -morning! the man spoke out, told me in down-right plain English, that he -loved me! How insipid is such a declaration, when it comes from one, -who is indifferent to us! I do not know how it was, but instead of being -abashed, I could have smiled in his face when he declared himself; but -you may be sure I did not, that would not have been pretty. - -I was sitting in the little drawing-room, reading, when he came in. To -be sure he was sent to me by the ancient ladies, otherwise he would not -have intruded; for the man is not ill-bred. The book happened to be -Horace; upon his entering the room, I laid it by; he asked me politely -enough, what were my studies. When I named the author, he took the book -up, and opening the leaves, started, and looked me full in the face; I -coloured. My charming Miss Bidulph, said he, do you prefer this to the -agreeable entertainment of finishing this beautiful rose here, that -seems to blush at your neglect of it? He spoke this, pointing to a -little piece of embroidery that lay in a frame before me. I was nettled -at the question, it was too assuming. Sir, I hope I was as innocently, -and as usefully employed; and I assure you I give a greater portion of -my time to my needle, than to my book. - -You are so lovely, madam, that nothing you can do needs an apology. An -apology, I'll assure you! did not this look, my dear, as if the man -thought I ought to beg his pardon for understanding Latin? For this -accidental, and I think (to a woman) trivial accomplishment, I am -indebted, you know, to Sir George; who took so much pains with me, the -two or three summers he was indisposed at Sidney Castle. - -He then proceeded to tell me how much he admired, how much he loved me! -and that having been encouraged by lady Grimston's assuring him that I -was disengaged (observe that), he presumed to tell me so. Oh! thought I, -perhaps thou are thyself a Grimstonian, and do not think it necessary -that the heart should be consulted. I answered him mighty civilly, and -mighty little to the purpose. Sir, I thank you for your favourable -sentiments--Lady Grimston does me a great deal of honour--I think myself -happy in her good opinion--But he was not to be so put off, he pressed -me to give him hopes, as he called it. Alas! I have no hopes to give -him. He said, he would not presume to mention his love to my mother, -though Lady Grimston pressed him to it (it was like her), till he had -first declared himself to me. This was not indelicate; my heart thanked -him for it, though I only returned him a bow. We were seasonably (to me -at least) interrupted here, by the arrival of my friend the dean. He had -come to see lady Grimston, just as Mr Arnold had entered into -conversation with me; the old gentleman had a mind to walk in the -garden; the little drawing-room, where we were, opened into it, by a -glass door; so that lady Grimston and my mother were obliged to bring -him that way. Though I was glad that the conversation was broke off, yet -I could have wished that I had first had an opportunity of throwing a -little cold water on Mr Arnold's _hopes_, lest he should have put too -favourable an interpretation on the reception I gave him, and mention -the thing to my mother, before I had time to speak to her. - -I was in some confusion at their entering the room. Mr Arnold had at -that time laid hold of one of my hands, and I had but just time to -withdraw it, when the door flew open to give entrance to the two ladies -and the good man: the latter lifting up both his hands, as if conscious -of having done something wrong, with a good-humoured freedom, asked -pardon; but with a look that seemed to indicate, he thought the apology -necessary both to Mr Arnold and me. This disconcerted me more; my mother -smiled, and lady Grimston drew up her long neck, and winked at the dean. -I took up my hat, that lay in a window, without well-knowing what I did, -and said, I would wait on them into the garden. Mr Arnold followed my -example; but looked at me, I do not know how--impertinently--as if he -thought I did not dislike him. I took one turn with them, and then -slipped away, under pretence of going in to dress. I ran directly into -Mrs Vere's room, and told her what had passed between Mr Arnold and me. -She laughed, and said, she could have told me long ago it would have -come to that. I knew Mr Arnold admired you, said she, the first time I -saw you in his company; he is no contemptible conquest I can tell you. -He assured my mother, that you were the only woman he ever saw in his -life that had made an impression on him; and I am inclined to believe -him, for he is not a man of an amorous complexion; nor did I ever hear -of his making his addresses to any one, though he might have his choice -of the best fortunes, and the best families in the country; for the -ladies, I must inform you, admire him exceedingly; and when you are -known to be his choice, you will be the envy of all the young women in -the country. I sighed, (I don't know why) and said, I desired not to -create envy on that account. Mrs Vere said, why really Miss Bidulph, if -your heart is at liberty, I know of no man more worthy of it than Mr -Arnold; but perhaps (looking with a kind earnestness on me) that may not -be your case. I told her, my heart was not engaged (as it really is not; -for indeed, Cecilia, I do not think of Mr Faulkland); but that I did -not find in myself any great inclination towards Mr Arnold. Oh! my dear, -said she, if you find no disinclination, it is enough. I married for -love, yet I was far from being happy. The vexation that I occasioned in -my own and my husband's family, was a counter-ballance to the -satisfaction of possessing the man I loved. Mr Arnold, besides being -very amiable in his person, has good sense, and good temper; and if you -marry him with nothing more than indifference, gratitude will soon -produce love in such a breast as yours. Were there anything like -aversion in your heart, then indeed it would be criminal in you to -accept of him. - -Mrs Vere delivered her sentiments with such a calm sweetness, such a -disinterested sincerity, that what she said made an impression on me. We -are apt, contrary as it may seem to reason, to be more wrought upon by -the opinion and advice of young people like ourselves, than by that of -persons, whose experience certainly gives them a better right to form -judgments: but we have a sort of a natural repugnance to the being -dictated to, even by those who have an authority to do it; and as age -gives a superiority, every thing that comes from it carries a sort of -air of prescribing, which we are wonderfully inclined to reject. - -Had lady Grimston said this to me, it would have put me upon my guard, -as suspecting a design on my liberty of choice. Even my good mother -might have been listened to on this subject not without uneasiness; -though my duty to her would not suffer me to give her a moment's pain, -unless I was sure that my eternal as well as temporal happiness was at -stake. I told Mrs Vere that I had no aversion to Mr Arnold; on the -contrary that if I had a sister, I should wish her married to him. Now, -my Cecilia, the mischief of it is, there _can_ be no reasonable -objection made to him: he is a very tolerable man; but I knew a man once -that I liked better--but fye fye upon him! I am sure I ought not to like -him, and therefore I will not. I am positive, if I were let alone, I -should be as happy as ever. - -I told you I got a letter from my brother; he says in it, he has had one -from Mr Faulkland, who is now in your part of the world. He tells Sir -George, that 'if my lady Bidulph will be so good as to see Miss B. and -converse with her, he is not without hopes that she may so far exculpate -him, as to induce my lady to repeal his sentence of banishment.' Sir -George adds his own wishes for this, but says (to give you _his_ words) -he fears the wench will not be honest enough to do Faulkland -justice--Justice! what can my brother mean by this? How ungenerous -these men are, even the best of them, in love matters! He knows the poor -girl doats on her destroyer, and might perhaps take shame to _herself_, -rather than throw as much blame on him as he deserves. I think this is -all the justice that can be expected from her; and how poor an -extenuation would this make of his guilt! It would only add to the merit -of _her_ sufferings, without lessening his fault. - -To what purpose then would it be? I know my mother's sentiments already -on that head. I would not shew Sir George's letter to her, he had said -so many ridiculous things about lady Grimston in it, which I know would -have offended her highly; otherwise, on account of Mr Faulkland's -paragraph, I should have been glad she had seen it. - - - _September 12_ - -Ah! my sister! my friend! What shall I do? Oh! that officious lady -Grimston--What ill star drove me to her house? Nothing would serve her -but she must know what Mr Arnold said to me in the drawing-room -conference; and how I had behaved. She made her enquiry before my mother -and the dean, after I had left them in the garden. What could the man -do? He had no reason to conceal what passed, and frankly owned he had -made me an offer of his heart. Well, and how did Miss receive it, asked -lady Grimston? With that modesty and polite sweetness that she does -every thing, answered Mr Arnold. He could say no less, you know. - -He thence took occasion to apply particularly to my mother, apologizing -at the same time for his not having done it before. What the -self-sufficient creature added, I know not; for my mother, from whom I -had this account, did not repeat all he said; but it seems it was enough -to make her imagine I had not heard him reluctantly, and accordingly she -gave him her permission to win me and wear me. - -I could cry for very vexation, to be made such a puppet of. This -eclaircissement I dreaded before I had time to explain myself to my -mother. That best of women, still anticipating what I had to say, -congratulated me on my extraordinary prudence, in not letting a childish -misplaced attachment keep such a hold on my heart, as to make me blind -to the merits of a more deserving object. - -Dear madam, said I, sure Mr Arnold did not say that I had encouraged his -addresses. Encouraged, my dear! why sure the hearing, from a young lady -of your education, is encouragement enough to a man of sense.--I heard -him with complaisance, madam, because I thought _that_ due to him; that -it was my wish to remain single, at least for some time. My mother -looked surprized. 'Sidney, this is not what I expected from you; I -flattered myself you thought no longer of Mr Faulkland.' - -She contracted her brow a little. Madam, I do not; indeed I think no -more of him; but may I not be permitted to continue as I am? - -Had you never had any engagement with Mr Faulkland, answered my mother, -I should be far from urging you on this occasion; but, circumstanced as -you now, are, I think your honour is concerned. - -Lady Grimston has put your affair in such a light to me, as I never -considered it in before. How mortifying must the reflection be, my dear, -to think that it may be said Mr Faulkland perhaps flew off, from some -disadvantageous circumstance he discovered in regard to you. The world -wants not envious malicious tongues enough to give it this turn. Your -unlucky illness, and your brother's ill-timed assiduity in going so -often to him when he was at Richmond, looks as if we had been -endeavouring to recall him. Every body knows the marriage was almost -concluded; and Lady Grimston, though she thinks our reasons for breaking -it off were extremely cogent, yet as she knows the world well, thinks it -has not virtue enough to believe those to be the true reasons, and that -it will be much more apt to put an invidious construction on the affair, -that may be very detrimental to you in your future prospects. These -considerations alone ought to determine you; but there is one still of -greater moment, which I hope, from the goodness of your heart, will have -still greater weight with you. That unfortunate young lady, who _ought_ -to be the wife of Mr Faulkland, if you were once put beyond the reach -even of his most distant hope, would stand the better chance for having -justice done to her; at least it would leave him void of that pretence -which he at first pleaded, and which probably he will continue to do, -while you remain single. Think seriously of the matter, my love. I shall -only add, that Mr Arnold is every way an unexceptionable match, and that -your acceptance of him will be extremely agreeable to me; as, on the -contrary, your refusal will give an uneasiness to your indulgent mother, -which she never yet experienced from you. - -She left me with these cruel words, cruel in their kindness--Oh! she -knows I am flexible by nature, and to _her_ will, yielding as air. What -can I do? My heart is not in a disposition to love--Yet again and again -I repeat it, Mr Faulkland has no interest there. What he once had he has -lost; but I cannot compel it to like, and unlike, and like anew at -pleasure. Fain would I bring myself chearfully to conform to my mother's -will, for I have no will of my own. I never knew what it was to have -one, and never shall, I believe; for I am sure I will not contend with a -husband. - -I have told Mrs Vere what my mother said to me; she is intirely of her -mind; every body is combined against me; I am treated like a baby, that -knows not what is fit for it to chuse or to reject. - - - _September 15_ - -I have been searching my heart, my dear Cecilia, to try if there -remained a lurking particle of my former flame unextinguished; a flame I -call it, as we are allowed the metaphor, but it never rose to _that_; it -was but a single ray, a gentle glow that just warmed my breast without -scorching: what it might have arisen to I will not say; but I have the -satisfaction to find, that the short-lived fire is quite extinct, and -the mansion is even chilled with cold. - -This was a very necessary scrutiny, before I would even entertain a -thought of Mr Arnold; and believe me, had I found it otherwise than I -say, I would rather have hazarded my mother's displeasure by owning the -truth to her, than injure any man, by giving him my hand with an -estranged heart. - -I will acknowlege to you, my sister, that it was not without a struggle -I reduced my mind to this frame. My heart (foolish thing) industrious to -perplex itself, would fain have suggested some palliating circumstances -in Mr Faulkland's favour; but I forbid it to interpose. Trifler, said I, -let your guardian, your proper guide, judge and determine for you in -this important cause, whereupon so much of your future peace depends. It -sighed, but had the virtue to submit; and I arraigned Faulkland before a -little tribunal in my breast, where I would suffer reason only to -preside. The little felon, love, knocked at the door once or twice, but -justice kept him out; and after a long (and I think a fair) trial, he -was at length cast; and in order to strengthen my resolves, and justify -my mother's, as well as my own conduct, these are the arguments which I -have deduced from the evidences against him. - -If Mr Faulkland feared the frailty of his virtue, why did he not fly -when he was first alarmed with the knowlege of the lady's passion for -him? If not for his own sake, yet at least for her's. If he could not -return her love, was he not cruel in suffering her to feed a hopeless -flame? But since his evil fate urged him on, and the unhappy girl lost -her honour, was he not bound to repair it? He had never seen me at that -time, was under no personal engagements to me, and might easily have -acquitted himself to my brother, from so justifiable a motive. - -What if I had married him, ignorant of this secret, and it had -afterwards come to my ears, how miserable would it have made me, to -think that I had stood between an unfortunate young creature and her -happiness? For had Mr Faulkland never heard of me, had he not been -prejudiced in my favour, this young woman's beauty and innocence (which -he acknowleges) might have then engaged his honest vows; the wicked aunt -would not have been tempted to betray her trust, nor he (shocking -thought! whenever it recurs) to buy that favour he might have obtained -on virtuous terms. His prior engagements to my brother was the final -plea that undid them both! Had he not been furnished with this excuse, -her hopes might have supported her virtue; or, if ignorant of this, she -fell, what pretence could he offer, after the injury _was_ done, for not -fulfilling an obligation of so much importance? I could not have -suffered by not obtaining a man I never saw; Miss B. is undone by losing -him: Yet his word to Sir George, the breach of which could have been -attended with no ill consequence, was to be preferred to an act of -justice. This is that false honour upon which the men pique themselves -so much. An innocent child stigmatized; an amiable woman abandoned to -shame and grief! I thank Heaven I made not myself accessary to this. -_Had_ I married Mr Faulkland, _knowing_ his fault, I could not say so, -nor have blamed any thing but my own imprudence, if _I_ in my turn found -myself deserted. Who knows but he might (after having bound me in -chains), return to his neglected mistress; and _that_ love, which, when -it would have been meritorious in him, he disrelished, he might have -pursued with eagerness when interdicted. This might have been the case. -I believe you may remember an instance of it among our own acquaintance. -Mr Saunders, who refused a young lady for his bride, from an absolute -dislike of her person, took uncommon pains to debauch her when she -became the wife of his friend. Had Mr Faulkland so behaved, what a -wretch it would have made me! You know I have not a grain of jealousy in -my composition, yet I am sure a neglect of this kind would make me very -miserable. - -You have not forgot, I believe, that about two years ago there was a -match proposed to my mother by the bishop of B. between me and his -nephew. The young man was heir to a good fortune, was reckoned handsome -and accomplished, and I think he really was so: I was intirely free from -prepossessions in favour of any one, and had no objection to him, but -that I knew he had a most lamentably-vulnerable heart, for he had been -in love with two or three women of my acquaintance. My mother mentioned -him to me upon the good old prelate's recommendation, and I gave her -this as my reason for disliking the offer, which she approved of so -intirely, that the thing went no farther. Indeed I think that woman is a -fool, who risques her contentment with one of a light disposition. -Marriage will not change men's natures; and it is not every one who has -virtue or prudence enough to be reclaimed. Upon the whole, I am -satisfied with my lot; and am sure I could hear with pleasure, that Mr -Faulkland was married to that Miss B. I wish I knew the other letters -that compose her name. - - - _September 16_ - -My mother asked me to-day, Had I considered of what she had been saying -to me? I told her I had, and only begged a little more time. She kissed -me, with tears in her eyes. To be sure, my dear, as much as you can -reasonably desire. I know my Sidney is above trifling. Mrs Vere was -present when my mother left the room. Oh! Miss Bidulph, said she, who -would refuse to gratify such a parent as that? Had _my_ mother -condescended to treat me so, I am sure she could have wrought on me to -do any thing she liked, even though it had been repugnant to my -inclination. Dear madam, I replied, how sweetly you inforce my -duty--Yes, I will obey that kindest best of mothers. I believe I spoke -this, tho' without intending it, in a tone that implied something like -making a merit of this concession; for Mrs Vere immediately answered, -There's a good child! that, to oblige its mamma, will accept of a very -handsome young gentleman, with a good estate, and one that many a girl -in England would give her eyes for. I felt the rebuke; but turning it -off with a smile, said, but you forget, my dear, that I am not dying for -him. - - - _September 20_ - -How will you plume yourself on your sagacity, Cecilia, when you read -this account of my love, which you so wisely foretold? I can tell you I -am trying to like Mr Arnold as fast as I can; I make him sing and play -for this purpose from morning till night, for he is here every day and -all day. Lady Grimston holds her head a quarter of a yard higher than -she did before; and looks, as who should say, it was _I_ that brought -this about. The dean is as frolick as May-day upon it; for he is very -fond of Mr Arnold; but tells him he will not forgive him for robbing him -of his second wife; for such, he says, he intended me. I think his -daughter (a pretty girl of about seventeen) looks a little grave of -late. I hope she does not like Mr Arnold herself. I wish my mother would -take it into her head that she was in love with him, and that Mr Arnold -had promised to marry her; then should I a second time crown me with a -willow garland. But there is no fear of this, or rather no hope. - -Lady Grimston has given my mother _such_ a character of Mr Arnold, that -if you will take her word for it, there is not a man like him in the -world; and my mother firmly believes every syllable she says. She told -me to day she would write to Sir George, to give him an account of the -matter, and desire his advice. This is a compliment she would not omit -paying, for any consideration, tho' I know my brother's judgment has now -lost all credit with her; and that, let his opinion be what it will, she -is firmly resolved on her new plan. Knowing as you do my mother's -firmness, when once she is possessed with a thing, you will not wonder -that I did not make attempts to alter her mind, which I knew would be -fruitless. She likes Mr Arnold prodigiously; she piques herself on her -skill in physiognomy, and says, if she is deceived in this gentleman, -she will never again rely on that science. Lady Grimston is so fond of -him, that I wonder she did not marry him herself. - - - _September 23_ - -We have received two letters from Sir George; one in answer to my -mother's letter, the other to me. I will give them both to you: the -following is a copy of that to my mother. - - Madam, - - I thank you for the honour you do me in asking my advice, in - regard to the proposal of marriage you have received for my - sister; but I am entirely disqualified from giving you any, as I - am an absolute stranger both to the person and character of the - gentleman you mention; and know no more of him, than that I have - heard there _is_ such a person, who has some estate in the county - where you now you are. - - As you are absolute mistress of your daughter's will, as well as - of her person, I shall not presume to interfere in this nice - point. If the marriage is not _already_ agreed upon (which may be - the case, notwithstanding the compliment you do me the favour to - pay me), I think it would be generous in you to see Miss B. and - hear what she has to say, before you proceed farther; but in this, - as in every thing else, your own discretion must guide you. - - I am, - Madam, - Your affectionate son, - and most obedient servant, - GEORGE BIDULPH. - - _London, - Sept. 22._ - -My mother was exceedingly displeased with this letter. She said Sir -George had a haughtiness in him that was very offensive to her. I have -acquitted myself in applying to him, and shall give myself no farther -trouble about him or his opinion. As for Miss B. I think she can hardly -be under a necessity of coming to town as yet, and that affair may keep -cold, for I have but little curiosity to hear what the poor Soul may be -prompted to say, as I am sure I shall be time enough to afford her any -assistance she may stand in need of. This was the whole of her -observation. My brother's letter to me is as follows: - - Dear Sidney, - - I received with concern (though I own not with surprize) an - account from my mother, of a new treaty of marriage that is on - foot between you and a Mr Arnold, of whom I know nothing. Instead - of congratulating you upon this occasion, I cannot help condoling - with you; for I have a better opinion of your heart than to - suppose it can have so soon renounced poor Faulkland. I do not - reproach you for your acquiescence in giving him up: I _know_ you - could not do otherwise; but why in the name of precipitancy are - you to be hurried into wedlock already? You went into the country - to recover your health, I thought; prithee, how comes this new - husband into your way? I know, child, it is not of your seeking, - and do from my heart pity you. - - I would by no means have you guilty of a breach of duty to our - mother; but for Heaven's sake, why don't you try your influence - over her, to have this sudden scheme of matrimony suspended, till - she sees and talks to this girl that Faulkland refers her to? If - the wench owns that he was not to blame so much as she herself - was, and relinquishes all pretensions to him, don't you think she - (my mother I mean) would in that case remain bound in honour to - yield you to his prior claim? - - Indeed, Sidney, I must blame you for this part of your conduct; it - looks like a strange insensibility in you. - - I know you will urge your perfect submission to your mother's - will; and I know too, that _will_ is as absolute as that of an - Eastern monarch. I therefore repeat it, I do not mean to reproach - you with your compliance, but I am vexed to the heart, and must - give it vent. - - I see plainly that old piece of formality, lady Grimston's - infernal shrivelled paw in all this. For my mother of herself, I - am sure, would not have thought of disposing of you, without your - liking, so soon after an affair that had created you so much - uneasiness, unless it had been suggested to her by somebody. - Prithee tell me what sort of man this Arnold really is, for I do - not depend on the partial representations I have had of him. - - I wish Miss B. were come to town, but she is not yet arrived. I - enquired for her of Faulkland's housekeeper, by the name of - Jefferis. The woman is at the house at Putney waiting to receive - her, but does not know how soon she will come. Would she had been - buried before Faulkland saw her! - - I shall expect a letter from you soon. How comes it that you never - mentioned Mr Arnold to me in any that you have writ? But I excuse - you, and am - - Your affectionate brother, - G.B. - _London, Sept. 22._ - -You see this is Sir George himself, my dear, a mixture of petulancy and -indelicacy. There is one thing in him, however, commendable; his steady -adherence to his friend's interests. You find how impossible for me it -is to shew such a letter to my mother: by his strange unguarded manner -of writing, which he does not consider, he defeats his own purposes; for -if any use could be made of that part of his letter relative to Miss B. -I could not shew my mother part, without letting her see the whole: but -that is not to be done; and I can only thank my good fortune that I -received this, and the last letter from him, without her knowlege. - -I will now give you my answer to this letter, which I wrote, by the -return of the post. - - Dear Brother, - - I thank you for your condolements, but can assure you my heart is - not in such a situation as to require any. I own I had all the - esteem for Mr Faulkland, which I thought his merit deserved. Duty - to my good mother, and an undeniable blemish in his character, - first wrought a change in my sentiments towards him: my own peace - of mind now requires me to improve that change into indifference. - - You do me justice in supposing that I should never think of - seeking a husband; and you have formed as right a judgment in - regard to lady Grimston's being the promoter of this union. As for - Mr Arnold, though perhaps (had I never known your friend) he might - not have been the man of my choice, yet have I no dislike to him. - I believe him to be a very worthy gentleman; and that my mother - has not been partial in her representations. I am sure, at least, - she has said nothing of him but what she has seen, or been told, - and has good reason to believe. - - I wish, dear brother, you had writ with more caution, that I might - have laid before my mother what you said in relation to Miss B. It - may have its weight with me, though I cannot answer for its having - any with her. Do you forget her having told me, that she conceived - a sort of horror at the thoughts of my marrying Mr Faulkland? She - cannot but be sensible, that Miss B. is not without her share of - blame in that affair, which has so perplexed us all. But you know - too that does not exculpate Mr Faulkland. The young lady's - relinquishing her hopes (for a claim I think she does not make), - would only the more excite my mother's compassion, and interest - her in her favour. To sum up the whole in one word, my mother is - resolved, and you yourself acknowlege that her will is absolute. - She has used the most irresistible argument to obtain my consent, - _viz._ that it would make _her_ happy. Spare then, my dear - brother, unkind reflections on any part of my behaviour; for I am - determined to pursue, through life, that rule of conduct, which I - have hitherto invariably adhered to; I mean that of preferring to - my own the happiness of those who are most dear to me. - - I am, &c. - - - _September 25_ - -Mr Arnold has so many advocates here, that his interest cannot fail of -being promoted. Mrs Vere admires him; the Dean commends him; my mother -praises him; lady Grimston extols him to the skies. No one is silent, -but the young girl that I mentioned to you before; she only colours and -hangs down her head when he is spoken of. I really begin to fear that -the poor thing loves him; but he never made any addresses to her, and I -hope does not suspect it. - -Things are now gone so far, that my mother and lady Grimston talked to -day of settlements. Mr Arnold receives but twelve hundred pounds a year -from his estate; his brother's widow, as I have already told you, having -a jointure upon it of three hundred pounds a year. She lives intirely in -London, and is, I am told, a very imprudent woman, and not at all -esteemed by the family. The elder Mr Arnold and she were married several -years, but never had a child; the last two years of his life his wife -and he lived separate, her conduct having given room for some -suspicions, very injurious to her husband's honour. - -The Arnold estate was originally a very considerable one, but has been -dissipated by the extravagance of the successive possessors. What -remains, however, is quite clear, and is likely to be kept so by the -good management of the present owner. His late brother was exceedingly -remiss in his affairs, and spent most of his time in London; and if it -had not been for Mr Arnold, the mansion-house would have fallen to the -ground; but his brother lent it to him, and he kept it in repair for his -own use, as he is fond of the place: though he has a pretty house in -Kent, belonging to another estate of about three hundred pounds a year, -which came to him by his mother, for he is the son of a second marriage. -And this, till his brother's death, was the whole of his income; but he -is so good an oeconomist, that he always made a genteeler figure on his -three hundred pounds a year, than his brother did on twelve. - -My mother, who you know is integrity itself, thinks that I ought not to -have more settled on me than the widow of Mr Arnold's brother had, whose -fortune was superior to mine. Mr Arnold makes a much handsomer proposal; -lady Grimston is for laying hold of it. The Dean was for striking a -medium. I do not care how they settle it; but I fancy my mother will -have her own way in this. - -She purposes going to town next week, that the wedding--(bless me! -whose wedding is it that I am talking of so coolly?) well--that it may -be celebrated in her own house. This to be sure will send Sir George -directly out of it. I cannot help it; I am born to give, and to receive -vexation. - -Mr Arnold speaks of taking a house in London, where my mother is to have -an apartment whenever she chuses to be in town. This is a pleasing -circumstance to me; and she likewise proposes our being sometimes with -her at Sidney-castle. That is a prospect which loses much of its charms, -by the reflection that my dear Cecilia is not there. - - - _October 1_ - -All preliminaries are settled. There has been a fuss with parchments -this week past. My mother has carried her point, in regard to the -jointure; and has made choice of that little estate in Kent to be -settled on me, as it is a complete three hundred pounds a year, detached -intirely from the rest, and has a pretty house on it. This was all she -would accept of, though, to do Mr Arnold justice, he would have been -much more liberal; but, my mother says, a single woman, bred in -retirement as I have been, who cannot live on that, does not deserve to -live at all; adding, that as the estate was already subject to one -jointure, and the widow so young a woman; if it should be also my -misfortune to become one early, a great part of the fortune would be -swallowed by dowagers, and the heir not have enough to support his rank. - - - _October 2_ - -This morning my mother, lady Grimston, the Dean, and Mr Arnold (who is -the idol of them all) took a rumbling together in the old coach, by way -of taking the air, in a dusty road; and what do you think was the result -of their deliberations in this jaunt? Why truly lady Grimston, proud of -her handy-work, would needs see it accomplished; and nothing will serve -her, but I must be married at her house. My mother opposed it at first, -but the Dean seconded the proposal, that he might have (as he expressed -himself) the satisfaction of contributing _himself_ to make Mr Arnold -happy; and Mr Arnold (audaciously expecting, I suppose, that this would -hasten the ceremony) joined his intreaties so effectually, that my -mother was obliged to yield. - -What a tormenting old woman is this lady Grimston! I hoped, at least, -for the respite of a month, by getting to London. I thought first to -have delayed the time of our going to town, and then to have faddled -away a good while longer under pretence of preparations; though there is -but little room for that now, as all my fineries, destined I thought to -another purpose, are lying quietly in my trunks at home. But then one -might have contrived many little occasions of delay. There was a house -to be fixed upon, and I had twenty things to do, and, as my mother says, -many things fall out between the cup and the lip. But all my -expectations are blown away, and I have but one poor fortnight given me -to recollect my scattered thoughts, when they are all to be centered in -Mr Arnold. I am not merry, my Cecilia, but I am determined not to appear -sad; neither am I so; I hope I have no reason. - -My mother purposes writing again to Sir George, to desire his presence -at my marriage. I hope he will behave respectfully to every one here, if -he should come. - - - _October 5_ - -Mr Arnold has writ to town, to bespeak a new chariot; he will do nothing -in regard to the house, till I am on the spot to please myself. I intend -sending Patty to town, to bring me down my bridal trappings. - -Mr Arnold has given some necessary orders for the new decking of his -person, as well as some of the apartments in the old mansion-house, -which seem a little to want refurnishing; most of the goods having been -inhabitants there since the time of his great grandfather. - - -_October 9_ - -My mother's last letter to Sir George has produced the following answer, -which he sent by Patty, when she returned down here with my cloaths. - - Madam, - - I am sorry I cannot accept of the invitation you favour me with, - to be present at my sister's nuptials. Some affairs in Wiltshire - require my immediate attendance; and I had settled matters before - I received your summons, so as to set out as on this day. I wish - you all imaginable satisfaction in your new son-in-law; and my - sister abundance of happiness in her spouse. - - I am, Madam, &c. - - - _London, October 8_ - -I am glad Sir George does not come down; I am sure if he did, his -behaviour would be such, as would render him no very acceptable guest at -Grimston-hall. - -A week, but a short week, to come, before my fate is irrevocably fixed; -or revocable only by the hand of death! This reflection, solemn as it -is, does not alarm me; because, after again calling my heart to the -strictest account, I think I _can_ pronounce it intirely free. Mr Arnold -will soon have an indisputable right to it; and it is my firm purpose to -use my utmost endeavours to give him intire possession of it. He every -day gains upon my esteem. If his talents are not so glittering as I have -seen some others possessed of, he is nevertheless master of an -exceedingly good understanding, which a sort of diffidence in his manner -does not suffer him to shew at once to the best advantage. His temper is -extremely sweet, and he seems to have an openness of heart (when he -throws off a little shyness which he has contracted) that is exceedingly -engaging. His love for me appears as fervent as I believe it sincere; -and I should be ungrateful not to do my utmost to return it. - - - _October 14_ - -How precipitate has been my fortune? Twice within these three months -have I been almost at the eve of my intended nuptials. Those which -_were_ to have been, I thought as certain as those which are _now_ to be -solemnized within two days. Who knows what may still happen to frustrate -our present designs?--No--there is not another Miss B. to interpose. Mr -Arnold seems to be one of those who are born to pass quietly through -life. He has already attained to the age of thirty, without one event -ever happening to him, but such as happen to every man every day. May no -future storm ever interrupt his or my tranquility! for they will soon be -one and the same thing. - - - _October 16_ - -The die is thrown, my Cecilia, and thy Sidney is the wife of Mr Arnold! -This day we were married; the good Dean joined our hands, and his -daughter was one of my bride-maids. The poor girl was taken ill during -the ceremony, and was obliged to leave the church, which has confirmed -me in my suspicions--Oh! how I pity her! I believe indeed she only -feigned illness for an excuse to retire. Mrs Vere went out with her, -but she would not suffer her to attend her home. She promised to dine -with us, if she should be better; and so she did, and seemed chearful -and pretty well; but I thought she looked as if she had been crying. She -made my heart ache--but I am in hopes it is but a slight wound; she is -exceedingly lively, and, I dare say, will soon get the better of it. - -Lady Grimston was downright tiresome with her compliments; and preached -an hour long about the duty of children to their parents; and how good a -wife that woman was likely to make, who had always been exemplary in her -filial obedience. Ah! lady Grimston, thought I, by what I have heard of -you, you did not seem to number obedience amongst wife-like virtues in -your own case, though you can preach it up to others. But I knew this -sermon was chiefly intended for poor Mrs Vere's use. My mother was all -kindness and complacency. She seemed so delighted, that I rejoiced in -having had it in my power to give her so much happiness. Lady Grimston -did the honours of her house on this occasion with great magnificence, -and I believe I need not tell you, with most exquisite decorum. Indeed -this wedding was conducted with such a decent festivity, so rationally -on all sides, and such a comfortable privacy, that I was not half so -much shocked as I expected to have been. - -We have no company here besides the family of the house, my dear good -old Dean, his lady and daughter, one young lady more, and a relation of -Mr Arnold's; a gentleman who came from London on purpose to be present -on this (as it is called) joyful occasion. - -We shall leave this house to-morrow, Mr Arnold and I, I mean. I am to be -put into possession of the old mansion of Arnold-abbey. My mother is to -continue with lady Grimston a week or a fortnight longer, and then she -goes to London on no other call, as she says, but to see and administer -comfort to poor Miss B. who she supposes will be by that time come to -her retreat. - -I believe I shall remain in the country while the weather continues -pleasant, but am not yet determined. - - - _October 17_ - -We took leave of lady Grimston this morning, or rather of her house; for -her ladyship, my dear mother, and all the good folks that were our -guests at Grimston-hall, are to dine with us to-day at Arnold-abbey. I -desired I might be permitted to go home without any parade, and in as -private a manner as possible; for you know how I hate a bustle. Mr -Arnold very obligingly indulged me in this request, and conducted my -sweet Mrs Vere and me home in his coach, at eight of the clock this -morning. I found every thing in exact order at Arnold-abbey. The house -is very spacious and convenient, though very old-fashioned. Some of the -rooms, however, are newly fitted up, perfectly neat and handsome. The -servants are orderly and well-behaved, and every thing seems to be -exactly well regulated. You may be sure I have taken my own Patty home -with me; I intend to constitute her housekeeper, and give her an -additional salary for her additional trouble. Mr Arnold had nobody in -that capacity before, as his household had not been settled since the -acquisition of his fortune, and he reserved the chusing of so material a -domestic to me; but as I do not love to multiply servants, and know that -Patty is very capable of the place, I shall take no other. - - - _October 21_ - -Visitors still in abundance: all the gentry in the neighbourhood for -some miles about have been to pay us their compliments; at least, I hope -by this time they have _all_ been here, for we have not had a minute to -ourselves these three days. It will take me up ten to return them, as -many of the families live at a good distance from hence. - -Mr Arnold, whose mourning has been laid aside since our wedding day, -seems to have a very good taste in dress; he is perfectly well shaped, -and appears to great advantage in colours; in short, he is more amiable -than I thought he was. It is with great pleasure that I observe my young -acquaintance, on whose heart I feared Mr Arnold had made an impression, -has recovered her usual vivacity. With people extremely full of spirits, -love is not apt to sink very deep, or last long, when it does not meet -with a return. - - - _October 30_ - -My mother sets out for London to-morrow, and Mr Arnold has proposed to -me, that he and I should accompany her. He says, he wants to look out -for a house, and should like to fix in one before the weather advances; -and that we may take up our abode at my mother's till our house is ready -for us. My mother is charmed at this proposal: she dreads the thought of -parting with me; and as she intends going (after a convenient stay in -London) down to Sidney-castle, if I remain here, our separation must be -immediate. I know this is Mr Arnold's kind reason for desiring me to go; -he thinks I shall be less affected at parting with my mother, when in -the midst of the various scenes which London affords, than I should be -if I were to continue here. He does not give this for a reason, but I -know it is his true one; for he is not fond of London himself, -especially at a season of the year, when the country is so much more -agreeable. I thanked him for this mark of his tenderness, and am -determined to go. - - - _October 31_ - -Once more returned to London in very good spirits, after a stay of -little more than two months in Essex, in which time so material and -unexpected a change has been made in my condition. - -Lady Grimston took a most affectionate leave of my mother and asked her, -with more tenderness than I thought her capable of, How many ages would -it be before they should meet again? As for Mr Arnold and me, she -considers us her neighbours. The Dean pleases himself with that -expectation too; and the dear Mrs Vere, who shed tears at bidding me -adieu, promises herself the happiness (as she kindly expressed herself) -of spending many delightful days with me next summer. She set out on her -return to her own house, at the same time that we left ours to go to -town. - -My brother is still in Wiltshire; but I find he did not leave town at -the time he mentioned in his letter to my mother, nor for some days -after. This Patty learnt from the servants; but I hope it will not come -to my mother's ears, for she would take it extremely ill of him. - -Mr Arnold, for the first time, mentioned, that he was very much -disappointed in not having had the honour of seeing Sir George at his -house in the country; but he hoped, when he came to town, his brother -and he should make up for this, by being the more together. I wish Sir -George may behave as he ought to this deserving brother. Mr Arnold -little imagines how much he was an enemy to this match, and much less -his reason for it. I should be very sorry Mr Arnold were to know how -near I was being married to another man; it might give a delicate mind -pain, lest there should remain any traces of this former attachment in -the breast of the woman he loves; but I hope there is no danger of his -hearing of it, certainly no one would be so indiscreet as to mention it -to him. Mr Arnold has lived chiefly in the country, and may never have -heard of Mr Faulkland, as he was so short a time returned from his -travels, on which he had been absent more than five years; and as he is -now out of the kingdom, probably he will not be spoken of. I have begged -of my mother, who is naturally communicative, never to name Mr -Faulkland to Mr Arnold, and have given my reasons for desiring this. She -says, she thinks it would be better to tell him the whole affair at -once; but I cannot agree with her in that opinion; and have at last -prevailed on her to promise me she will not speak of it. - - - _November 2_ - -My mother drove out in my new chariot to-day (a very gay fine one it -is), and went to Putney, to enquire after Miss B. by the name of Mrs -Jefferis. She soon found the house, a very neat box, with a pretty -garden behind it. The door was opened by a servant maid; and my mother -being told the lady was at home, sent in her name; and was immediately -conducted up stairs into a very elegant little dressing-room, where the -lady was sitting at her toilet; and Mr Faulkland's housekeeper (whom my -mother had seen before) assisting to dress her head. On my mother's -entering the room, Miss B. rose off her chair, and soon discovered by -her shape (for she was without her stays), that it was high time for her -to seek a place of concealment. The housekeeper immediately withdrew; -and the young lady seemed in the utmost confusion; my mother says, she -herself was at a loss how to begin the conversation, but Miss B. -relieved her, and spoke first. She thanked her for the honour she did -her by so charitable a visit, which, she said, Mr Faulkland had long ago -made her hope for; and which she must consider as the greatest -consolation in her present unhappy circumstances. - -My mother placed herself by her. Madam, said she, Mr Faulkland made it a -point with me before he left England, that I should see you, and afford -you all the assistance in my power, or that you should stand in need of. -You seem to be commodiously situated here, and I understand have a very -careful good woman to attend you. - -I have so, madam, she answered; but the most material circumstance is -wanting to my relief: Mr Faulkland!--He is not here. Tears started into -her eyes as she spoke. You were apprised of his absence, said my mother, -before you came to town. I was, madam, and with the cause of it; she -hung down her head and was silent. - -My mother reassumed the conversation. She told her, she thought it a -most providential discovery, that had given her the knowlege of Mr -Faulkland's ill behaviour, time enough to prevent his marriage with her -daughter; assuring her, she would not, for the universe, have had me the -wife of a man under such ties, as she must consider Mr Faulkland to be. -Miss B. brightned up a little upon my mother's saying this. Did Mr -Faulkland ever tell you, madam, how the unhappy affair happened? My -mother told her, she knew not particulars; that she had been referred to -her for a full explanation; that Mr Faulkland had always endeavoured to -excuse himself; and went so far as to say, He was sure the lady herself -would acquit him in a great measure. Ah! madam! Miss B. cried, and shook -her head. 'Tis as I suspected, said my mother, Mr Faulkland is an -ungenerous man. A young lady of your modest appearance, I am sure he -must have taken more pains to seduce, than he will acknowlege. Miss B -blushed exceedingly--Oh! madam, you have a charitable, generous heart, I -was _indeed_ seduced. I knew it, replied my mother. Did he promise to -marry you? She coloured deeper than before. I will not accuse him of -that, madam. My mother proceeded; You have a relation, madam; I -understand she was accessary to your misfortune. Yes, the barbarous -woman, answered the lady, she was the contriver of my destruction; and -if I could have avoided it, I would never have seen her face again. -Tears of grief and indignation again burst from her eyes. Have comfort, -madam, said my mother, all may end well yet. I can have no hopes, -answered Miss B. Mr Faulkland flies me, you see, nor can I ever expect -to recover his heart, since so charming a young lady, as I hear Miss -Bidulph is, has possession of it; and though your goodness disappointed -him in his late views, he may not yet despair. I found by this, -continued my mother, that Miss B knew nothing of your being married, and -made haste to tell her. I never saw joy so visible in a countenance. She -clasped her hands together; Dear madam! what do you tell me? How you -revive my drooping heart! then I am not _quite_ hopeless, there is a -_possibility_ in my favour. - -She then asked my mother if Mr Faulkland had acquainted her with her -real name, or that of her relation. My mother, who had once or twice -called her by the name of Jefferis, assured her he had not. That was -generous in him, said she; he _can_ be generous in _some_ points. But I -have no reason to conceal it from so prudent and worthy a lady as you -are; my real name is Burchell; that of my cruel relation I will forbear -to mention, out of respect to my good uncle, whose wife she is. Mr -Faulkland, she added, left a Bill of five hundred pounds with his -housekeeper, to provide every thing for me that I should want; with -assurances that he would take the tenderest care of--the poor young -creature hesitated, and could proceed no farther; but my mother said she -understood her meaning. They had a good deal more discourse: my mother -promised to see her often during her confinement, and took her leave. - -She tells me, she is extremely pretty, and has such an air of innocence -and simplicity, as very much engages one in her favour. - -I have set down this whole conversation, with every other particular, -exactly as my mother related it. - -She, who has a most circumstantial memory, repeated it word for word; -and I, from a custom of throwing upon paper every thing that occurs to -me, have habituated myself to retain the minutest things. - -I know not, my dear, whether you will be of my opinion; but I cannot -help thinking, that there was something like art in Miss Burchell's -behaviour, far from that candour which Mr Faulkland seemed to expect -from her. My mother mentioned the _pains_ that she supposed had been -taken to _seduce_ her; her deep blush at this hint, makes me suspect -that her answer was not dictated by sincerity. She saw my mother was not -acquainted with the particulars, and that she was willing to pass a -favourable judgment on her fault; it looks to me as if she laid hold of -this prejudice--and yet she _owned_ that Mr Faulkland had never promised -to marry her--I know not what to think; but there appears to me, upon -the whole, something evasive and disingenuous in her conduct. My mother, -who is all openness and integrity, saw it not in this light. But be it -as it may, it is no longer of any consequence to me, which was most to -blame, the gentleman or the lady: Miss Burchell is certainly the injured -Person; perhaps I too may have wronged her in my surmises; if I have, I -beg her pardon; the observations I have made on her behaviour are only -_en passant_, and I do from my heart wish Mr Faulkland would make her -his wife. You may perceive, from what I have told you, how little this -interview was likely to produce in Mr Faulkland's favour, had it even -been brought about sooner. My mother is now more than ever confirmed in -her opinion, that the poor young creature has been deceived; and she -prays, that Mr Faulkland may not be overtaken with a judgment, which she -thinks nothing but his marrying the girl can avert. - - - _November 10_ - -We have at length fixed upon a house to our liking, a handsome -convenient one in St James's-street. We are preparing to get it -furnished as fast as we can, that we may go into it; for if my brother -should come to town, I know _our_ being with my mother will be an -objection to his lodging in her house: this I should be sorry for, as -she told him he might make use of it while it remained in her hands. - - - _November 15_ - -Thank my stars! I have got over the fatigue of receiving and paying a -second round of bridal visits, and I am really so tired of it, that, -uninviting as the season is, I could wish myself in quiet at -Arnold-abbey; but I cannot think of leaving London while my mother -continues in it, and she is now resolved to do so till Miss Burchell, or -rather, on this occasion, Mrs Jefferis, is brought to-bed. You can't -imagine how sollicitous she is about her; every time she sees her she -seems more and more pleased with her. I am very glad it has happened so, -for the poor young woman's sake; my mother is as warm in her attachments -as in her resentments. She visits her almost every second day; for the -poor thing it seems is ill at present, and can't leave her chamber. She -tells me she is extremely melancholy, and seems much to dread the -approaching hour. I greatly honour my mother for her humanity towards -her: in her terrifying situation she must want the tenderness of a -well-bred as well as a sensible friend; for it must be a melancholy -thing, in such circumstances, to have no one about her but servants, and -those strangers too. - -She told my mother, that her altered looks, and frequent sicknesses, -gave her aunt (who was privy to the cause of it) a pretence for asking -her uncle's permission for Miss to go to Bath, which she told him would -do her more good than any thing. He consented, and supposed she was -actually gone thither under the care of a lady, whom her aunt named, who -was really going there in order to settle for life, and to whose house -she went for a day or two to give a colour to this story. Her aunt -contrived that she should not take any servant with her; giving it for a -reason, that as she might be as well attended by the lady's servants -with whom she lodged, and be considered by her as one of the family, a -maid would only be an unnecessary incumbrance. She added, that her uncle -was so afflicted with the gout, that he never stirred abroad, and saw -very little company, so that it was not likely he should ever be -undeceived. - - - _November 20_ - -We have just received a very odd piece of news, that I own has a little -alarmed me. It is, that the widow of Mr Arnold's brother is found to -be with child. There was no mention of this at the time her husband -died, nor indeed any cause to suspect it; but the strongest -presumptions in the world to the contrary, as her husband and she -lived a-part. It has not been even whispered, till since our arrival in -town. The lady pretends that she was not conscious of it herself till -within this fortnight; yet her husband has been dead four months. -This I am told is very possible, though not very common. She has -herself wrote a letter to Mr Arnold, to inform him of it; at the same -time declaring, that she and her late husband had been reconciled a -little before his death; and that, had he recovered, she was to have -lived with him again. All this is very strange. The elder Mr Arnold -killed himself with excessive drinking. His death approached him by -slow degrees; but as he could never be persuaded to think it near, he -took not the least care either of his spiritual or temporal concerns. -His brother was in the country when he was seized with his last -illness, which he had precipitated by some extravagant excess. He -was almost at the last extremity before he could be prevailed on to let -a physician attend him, or suffer his brother to be sent for. In regard -to the latter, he told those about him, that as he was his heir, of -course he had made no will. He mentioned not his wife. The jointure -which had been settled on her, he allowed her for a separate -maintenance. They had for a long time pursued separate pleasures, -and none of his friends knew that they had ever met, or so much as -seen one another from the time they parted. My Mr Arnold arrived -in town just time enough to close his brother's eyes; he was -speechless when he came, and expired in less than an hour after he -entered his chamber. - -As his wife had been very obnoxious to the family, there was little -notice taken of her by them, more than what common forms require. She -seemed as indifferent about the death of her husband, as she had been -towards him in his life-time; and did not then hint a word of this -reconciliation between them, or of her having had an interview with him. -I am told, she is a very weak, as well as a very loose woman; and Mr -Arnold thinks she has got into the hands of some designing person. -However that matter may be, it is a serious affair; and he designs to -take the opinion of an eminent lawyer upon it. My poor dear mother is -frightned sadly. If this child should make its appearance in the world -time enough to prove the possibility of its being the offspring of the -late Mr Arnold, she says, it must be considered by the law as his heir, -notwithstanding the husband and wife lived apart. Mr Arnold laughs, or -affects to laugh at this; we shall, however, wait with patience till -the lady is brought to bed. - - - _November 25_ - -Our house is intirely fitted up, and we shall remove into it this -evening; my mother chuses to continue in her own, though Mr Arnold -presses her to accept of an apartment in ours; but we shall be near -neighbours, and she does not like to change. - -We have received the opinion of our lawyers, who tell us, that in case -the child should be born within such a period of time, as to give colour -to its claim, yet the lady must prove her assertion, in regard to the -pretended meeting between her and her husband; which it is imagined is -not in her power to do; and her indifferent character, together with -several favourable circumstances which Mr Arnold has on his side, makes -them quite sanguin in their expectations of overturning her claim. We -are, however, likely to be engaged in a disagreeable law-suit; but as Mr -Arnold seems perfectly easy about the issue of it, I will make myself so -too. - - - _December 10_ - -I am more and more reconciled to my lot, my dear Cecilia, every day that -I live. Mr Arnold's assiduity and tenderness towards me deserve the -gratefullest return my heart can make him; and I am convinced it is not -necessary to be passionately in love with the man we marry, to make us -happy. Constancy, good sense, and a sweet temper, must form a basis for -a durable felicity. The two latter I am sure Mr Arnold possesses; Oh! -may I never experience his want of the former! I hope my own conduct -will for ever ensure to me his love. That only can secure the -tranquility of my future days. - - - _December 11_ - -My brother arrived in town last night; and came this morning in company -with my mother (and I am sure at her request) to make us a formal visit. -My kind Mr Arnold received him with tenderness; Sir George was coldly -polite. He owned, however, to my mother, upon her asking him his opinion -of his brother-in-law, that he seemed to be a _good clever sort of a -fellow_. I wish I could cultivate a friendship between them; it will not -be Mr Arnold's fault if there is not; but Sir George, you know, is not -of a very pliant disposition. - -He asked my mother, when they were alone, Whether she had yet seen Miss -B or Mrs Jefferis (for he knew her by no other name) and what she had -to say for herself? My mother told him, he had better not touch upon -that string. I will be hanged, replied Sir George, if the artful young -baggage has not imposed upon you. My mother, who is always angry at -having her sagacity called in question, told Sir George he was rude, and -she should give him no satisfaction on that head. My brother answered, -as it was _now_ of no consequence, what the wench affirmed or denied, he -had no farther curiosity about her. My mother called him a bear, and so -the enquiry ended. - - - _December 20_ - -I congratulate you, my sister, my friend, my ever beloved Cecilia. -Happy! happy may you be in your nuptials! but in the midst of my joy for -your being so nobly and worthily bestowed, self-love forces a sigh from -me. I have lost the pleasing hope of seeing you, at the time fixed for -your return. The station your husband holds at the court of Vienna, -will, I fear, long detain my beloved in a foreign land. But you are not -amongst strangers; a husband, a brother, and tender parent, must make -every part of the globe equally your home. I will therefore seek for my -contentment in your's, and rest satisfied with believing that you will -always continue to love me. - - - _January 10, 1703-4_ - -I begin to find my thoughts so dissipated, that I am angry with myself; -Mr Arnold's excessive indulgence will spoil me; he is always contriving -new scenes of pleasure, and hurries me from one to the other. I do not -wish to be perpetually fluttering about. The calm domestic life you know -was always my choice; but I will not oppose my kind Mr Arnold in his -fond desire of pleasing me: besides, I find that by his constantly -gallanting me to public places, he begins himself to acquire a sort of -relish for them, which he did not use to have; at least his prudence -made him so to conform to the necessity of his circumstances, while his -fortune was small, that he never indulged himself in any of the -fashionable expensive amusements; nor does he now in any, but such as I -partake of with him. I find he is by nature open and liberal to excess. -I must take care, without his being conscious of it, to be a gentle -check upon his bounteous spirit; I mean only so far as it regards -myself: indeed this is the most material point, for in every other -instance his generosity is regulated by prudence. I am every hour more -obliged to him, and should hate myself if I did not find that he had an -intire possession of my love. - -Sir George hardly ever comes near us but by formal invitation, and then -his behaviour to Mr Arnold is so very civil, and so very distant, that -it mortifies me exceedingly. Mr Arnold cannot but perceive it; but -either his tenderness for me makes him take no notice of it, or else, -not being well enough acquainted with my brother to know his -disposition, he may impute his coldness to his natural temper. - -My mother says, he never names Mr Faulkland or Miss Burchell to her. I -wish Sir George could entirely forget that unhappy affair. - - - _February 1_ - -There is a story propagated by the widow Arnold, about the meeting -between her and her husband; the circumstances of which are as follows: - -She says, she had dined one day in the city, and was returning home to -her lodgings in York-buildings in a hackney coach; that the driver, by -his carelessness in coming along the Strand, had one of his fore wheels -taken off by a Waggon, which accident obliged her to alight: the -footboy, who was behind the coach, had by the jolt been thrown off, and -received a hurt, which made it necessary to have him carried into a shop -for assistance. That the lady herself, being no otherwise injured than -by a little fright, found that she was so near home, that she did not -think it worth while to wait for another carriage, but pursued her way -on foot. It was a fine dry evening, about nine o'clock; and though there -was no light but what the lamps afforded, yet as the streets were full -of people, she had no apprehensions of danger. - -In this situation she was accosted by two gentlemen, who, seeing a lady -well dressed and alone, insisted on seeing her safe to her lodgings. -However disagreeable such an encounter was, she said she did not give -herself much concern about it, as she was so near home, and expected to -shake off her new acquaintance at the door of the house where she -lodged; and accordingly, when she got there, she told them she was at -home, and wished them a good night; but the impertinents were not so -easily to be put off. The door having been opened by the maid of the -house, they both rushed in; her landlady, a single woman, happened to be -abroad and there was no man in the house. - -Mrs Arnold thought she had no way left, but to run up to her -dining-room, and lock herself in; but in this she was prevented, as the -gentlemen, whom the servant of the house vainly endeavoured to oppose, -got up stairs almost as soon as she did. Her own maid, on hearing the -rap at the door, had lighted candles in the dining-room; the two sparks -entered with her; but how was she surprized to find that one of them was -her husband. Her fright, she said, had prevented her from discovering -this sooner, as she had not looked in either of their faces, though -there was a light in the hall; and Mr Arnold's being half drunk, she -supposed, was the reason of his not perceiving sooner who she was. - -The astonishment that they both were in, and the exclamation that each -made in their turn, soon informed the companion of Mr Arnold who the -lady was. He congratulated them both on this fortunate mistake, and -saying, since chance had been so propitious to Mr Arnold as to throw him -into the arms of so charming a woman, he hoped his discovering her to be -his wife would not render her the less agreeable to him; but that this -unexpected meeting might be a means of re-uniting them in their former -amity. - -Mr Arnold, she says, in the presence of this gentleman, advanced with -open arms to embrace her, which she not declining, his friend having -again felicitated them on their reconciliation, took his leave, and Mr -Arnold remained with his lady. - -That at parting, which was not till late, (as she would not, on account -of her reputation, permit him to pass the night at her lodgings) he -promised to bring her home to his house in a day or two; but -unfortunately for her he was taken ill in the interim, which she did not -know of, till she had an account that Mr Arnold had lost his senses. The -reason she assigned for not enquiring after him sooner was, that her -pride would not suffer her to make any advances to a man, who had been -so injurious as to part with her; and she thought it his duty to recall -her, without her taking any step towards it. - -This story seems plausible; yet none of our friends believe a word of -it, and imagine somebody has contrived it for her. The gentleman, who -was the companion of Mr Arnold that night, she says, can at a proper -time be produced as a witness, as also her own maid, who can testify the -truth of this story. In the mean time this maid is kept out of the way, -and nobody can guess at the gentleman, for his name is kept a profound -secret. - -I am delighted at the sweetness of Mr Arnold's temper: vexatious as this -affair is likely to be, even at the best, he does not suffer it to -interrupt our pleasures or his own good humour. On the contrary, he is -the more studious of promoting every thing, which he thinks will -entertain me. - - - _February 28_ - -At length the poor Miss Burchell is happily rid of her burden; a pretty -little boy, my mother says it is: it was, immediately after its birth, -at which my mother was present, privately baptized by the name of -Orlando, and sent away with its nurse, a careful body, who had been -before provided for it. It passes for the son of a captain Jefferis, -abroad with the army. Miss Burchell would never suffer the nurse to see -her; for as she intends to reassume her own name, as soon as she shall -be in a condition to leave her present retirement, she would not chuse -to be known by the woman, in case of her going to see her child. Every -thing was managed with so much privacy, and Miss Burchell has lived so -perfectly recluse, nobody visiting her but my mother, that in all -probability this affair will always remain an intire secret. - -My mother says, that as soon as Miss Burchell (to whom she considers -herself as a kind of patroness) is tolerably recovered, she will go down -to Sidney-castle; for she thinks herself in a strange land any where but -there. And would you believe it my dear, she has taken such a fancy to -Miss Burchell, that she talks of inviting her down with her, if she can -obtain her uncle's leave. The girl must certainly have some very amiable -qualities, so to captivate my mother, or she has an immensity of art. I -dare say the young lady will gladly accept of her invitation; it will -undoubtedly be a most eligible situation for her. I do not know what Sir -George may say to her carrying her humanity so far, as he hates the name -of this poor girl; but no matter, it may be a means of preserving her -character, which probably she might not long keep, if she returned to -live with so vile a woman as I conclude her aunt to be; nor can she have -any colour for quitting her, whilst her uncle lives; for I find she is -an orphan, and has no relation but him. She must however go home for a -while, in order to get leave from him for this visit to Sidney-castle. - - - _March 26, 1704_ - -I am told the widow Arnold computes the time of her lying-in about the -latter end of the next month; if it should so happen, she saves her -distance, as her husband died in July, a little before we went to -Grimston-hall. Mr Arnold treats the affair very lightly, and is only -concerned at seeing my mother so much affected by it. For my part, I -form my behaviour upon Mr Arnold's conduct, and as long as he appears -easy, I shall certainly be so too. - -My brother throws out some unkind reflections: he says, he wonders the -old Sybil at Grimston-hall did not foresee this; and congratulates me on -my good fortune, in having my jointure settled on that part of the -estate which is not disputed. I really think he shews a sort of -ill-natured triumph even in his condolements; for he generally concludes -them with thanking his stars that _he_ had no hand in the match. I trust -in God we shall none of us have any cause to repent it. I am sure I -never shall; for if Mr Arnold were reduced to the lowest ebb of fortune, -I should find my consolation in his kindness and affection. - - - _March 27_ - -My mother is preparing to leave town. Miss Burchell is quite recovered, -and purposes going down to the country, to obtain her uncle's consent -for the intended visit. She says, she can easily tell him she made an -acquaintance with lady Bidulph in her late excursion to Bath, from whom -she received an invitation, and she is sure he will not refuse to let -her accept it. - -Sir George laughs exceedingly at this plan. He says his mother ought not -to be surprized at Faulkland's falling into the girl's snares, since she -herself has done the same; but he supposes my mother thinks she is doing -a very meritorious action, in affording an asylum to this injured -innocence. I give you my brother's words, for I assure you, as to -myself, I approve of my mother's kindness to her, and think it may be a -means of preserving the girl from future mischief. - - - _April 2_ - -Miss Burchell is gone to the country, and this morning, for the first -time, severed me from the best of mothers. I cannot recover my spirits; -I have wept all day. Mr Arnold, ever good and obliging, would needs -accompany her some miles on her journey; you may be sure I was not left -behind. Sir George was so polite as to say, He would escort her down to -Sidney-castle. I was surprized at it; for he does not often do obliging -things. My mother gladly accepted of his company, and said, she would -make him her prisoner, when she had him there; for she should be quite -melancholy without me for a time. Now though I should be very unwilling -not to allow the merit of a good-natured action to Sir George, yet do I -attribute this in some measure to its answering a purpose of convenience -to himself. You know, before his illness sent him to the Spa, he always -spent his summers with us at the Castle, though he has another very -convenient house on his estate. When he was in London, he never had any -thing but lodgings, for which I have often been angry with him. My -mother, since his return, made him a compliment of her house; but as the -time she took it for is now expired, and it is let to another family, he -could no longer continue in it. Mr Arnold, in the most affectionate -manner, pressed him to accept of an apartment with us, which he -declined. Now as he could not, without shewing us an apparent slight, -continue in town in other lodgings, I believe he, for this reason, -preferred going down with my mother. Be it as it may, I am very glad -that she will have his company; for I make no doubt of his staying with -her some time, unless Miss Burchell should frighten him away. - - - _April 5_ - -I have been so cast down since my mother's departure, that Mr Arnold's -obliging tender assiduity to please and entertain me seems redoubled; -but indeed I am wearied with a continual round of noisy pleasures, and -long to get back to Arnold-abbey. I hope to be there in about three -weeks, or a month at farthest. My mother has dispensed with our going -down to her this summer. She thinks it might be attended with -inconveniences to me, and talks of coming to town again in a few months; -but I shall insist on her not giving herself the fatigue of so long a -journey, unless she comes to stay all the next winter with us. - - - _April 20_ - -My mother writes me word that Miss Burchell has obtained leave of her -uncle, and is come to Sidney-castle: she says, she never saw a better -behaved young creature. Sir George has taken so much offence at her -coming, that he talks of going to his own house. My mother adds, 'He -behaves however, with manners, but I shall not press him to stay.' - - - _May 6_ - -An important birth, my Cecilia! the widow Arnold has produced a young -miss. I assure you the little damsel has been ushered into life with all -the ceremony due to a young heiress; and her mother introduces her as -one, whom an unjust uncle debars of her right. Now you must know, that -upon an exact calculation, this little girl has made her appearance just -twelve days later than she ought to have done, to prove her legitimacy, -dating the possibility of her being Mr Arnold's, from the very day -whereon he took that illness of which he died, and which confined him -for five days to his bed. In all that time, his servants never left him -for a minute; this has occasioned various speculations; our lawyers say -that it is enough to destroy her pretensions; but some physicians, who -have been consulted on the occasion, are of a contrary opinion; and -declare they have known instances of children being born, even so long -after the stated time alloted by nature for their coming into life. - -It is a very unlucky affair, and has involved us in a law-suit. Who the -person is that secretly abets the widow, we cannot find out; but it is -certain she has somebody; every one believes this is an infamous and -unjust claim; and the woman's folly almost frees her from the suspicion -of its being of her own contriving. - - - _May 10_ - -You cannot imagine, my Cecilia, how happy I think myself, after such a -hurrying winter as I have had, to find myself once more restored to my -favourite pleasures, the calm delights of solitude. Arnold-abbey seems a -paradise to me now. - -Lady Grimston shewed me a specimen of her humour this morning, in -talking of the widow Arnold. She said she was an _harlot_, that having -already disgraced the family, now wanted to beggar them; but that if Mr -Arnold did not make an example of her, she would never own him for a -kinsman. - -My chearful old Dean says, he is now completely happy, having lived to -see his daughter married (while we were in town) very much to his and -her satisfaction. I am heartily glad of it, neither am I sorry (for her -sake) that she has left the country. - - - _May 11_ - -Mrs Vere is come to spend a few weeks with me according to her promise. -She is a truly amiable creature; her disposition so gentle, her temper -so mild, such a sweet humility in her whole deportment, that it -astonishes me her mother can still persist in her unkindness to her. But -the eldest daughter was always her darling, who I understand is pretty -much of her mother's own cast; and makes a very termagant wife to a very -turbulent husband. So that notwithstanding their title (for he is a -Baronet) and immense riches, they are a very miserable pair. - -They were lately to pay lady Grimston a visit; but there happened such a -frecas, that probably it may be the last she will ever receive from -them. The husband, it seems, though very rough and surly in his nature, -is, notwithstanding, a well-meaning man, and not void of humanity; which -had induced him to give a small portion to a young girl, a distant -relation of his own, who had been left an orphan. She was beloved by the -son of a substantial farmer, a tenant of the baronet's, and had an equal -affection for him; but the young man, depending entirely on his father -for his future prospects, durst not take a wife without something to -begin the world with; for his father had just put him into the -management of one of his farms. The young lady and her mother (who was a -widow, and is but lately dead) had boarded for some years at this honest -farmer's house, and in that time a mutual love had been contracted -between the young people. The old man himself liked the girl so well for -a daughter-in-law, that his only objection was her want of fortune; but -this was such an obstacle as was not to be surmounted by a man, who, -being accustomed to earn money by indefatigable industry, put the utmost -value upon it. His regard to his son's happiness, however, made him -resolve to try an experiment in his favour, and accordingly he plucked -up courage, and went to his landlord. He told him, in his own blunt way, -that he came to speak to him in behalf of a poor young gentlewoman that -was his (Sir William's) relation. I have a son that loves her, said he, -and she loves him, but I cannot afford to let the boy marry a wife that -has nothing; and you know she has no portion. I would not desire much -with her, for she is a good girl, and very housewifely; but if you will -be so kind to give her something to set them a going a little, I shall -be content; if not, you will be the cause of my son's losing a wife, for -he swears he will never marry any other woman, and she, poor thing, may -pine away for love. I do not desire this match out of the ambition of -having my boy related to you, but because I think the girl is an honest -girl, and may make him happy. - -The rough honesty of the farmer pleased his landlord so well, that he -gave the young woman five hundred pounds, to set them a going, as the -old yeoman termed it. Though this sum was but a trifle to a man of his -fortune, and the giving it was a praise-worthy action, yet did it -exceedingly displease his lady, especially as he had not thought proper -to consult her on the occasion. She was not contented with venting her -indignation on her husband at home, but she renewed the quarrel, by -complaining to lady Grimston, that her opinion and advice were not only -despised, but that Sir William was lavishing away the fortune _she_ had -brought him upon a _tribe_ of poor relations of his own. Lady Grimston -immediately took fire; she could not bear the thoughts of having her -daughter's authority of less weight in his family, than her own had -been, and she attacked her son-in-law with acrimony on the subject. His -answer to her was short. Look ye, lady Grimston, you made a very -obstreperous wife to a very peacable husband; your daughter, I find, is -mightily disposed to follow your example; but as I am not quite so tame -as my father-in-law was, I will suffer her to see as little of it as may -be. With this he turned from her, and ordering his coach and six to be -got ready immediately, with very little ceremony he forced his wife into -it, and carried her home directly, leaving lady Grimston foaming with -rage. The altercation had been carried on with so little caution, that -the servants heard it, and the story is the jest of the neighbourhood. - -I confess I am not sorry for this breach; it may be the better for poor -Mrs Vere; for though her mother's jointure reverts to a male relation, -on whom the estate was settled, yet as lady Grimston has a large -personal fortune, it is in her power to make her daughter full amends -for the injury she did her. - - - _May 20_ - -Mr Arnold is improving his gardens, and taking in a great deal more -ground to enlarge them. I do not express the least dissatisfaction at -this, tho' I own I could wish he would not engage in new expences on an -estate which is now in litigation; but our lawyers are so sanguin, that -they encourage him to proceed. - - - [_The following is writ in the hand of the lady, who gave the - editor these papers: 'Here follows an interval of four months; in - which time, though the Journal was regularly continued, nothing - material to her story occured, but the birth of a daughter, after - which she proceeds.'_] - - - _September 25_ - -How delightful are the new sensations, my dear Cecilia, that I feel -hourly springing in my heart! Surely the tenderness of a mother can -never be sufficiently repaid; and I now more than ever rejoice in -having, by an obedience, which perhaps I once thought had some little -merit in it, contributed so much to the repose of a parent, to whom I -have such numberless obligations. I never see my little girl, but I -think such were the tender sentiments, the sweet anxieties, that my -honoured and beloved mother felt when her Sidney was such a brat as -this. Then I say, surely I have a right to all the duty, all the filial -love that this creature can shew me, in return for my fondness. As for -Mr Arnold, he idolizes it; you never saw so good a nurse as he makes. -Lady Grimston declares, we are both in a fair way of ruining the child, -and advises us to send it out of the house, that we may not grow too -fond of it; but we shall hardly take her counsel. - - - _September 28_ - -I informed you before that Miss Burchell had been summoned home by her -uncle, who was then very ill. She has lately written an account to my -mother of his death; and that as she has now her fortune in her own -hands, she intends immediately to quit her aunt, and look out for some -genteel and reputable family in London (where it seems she chuses to -reside) to lodge with. - -My mother, in her letter to me, expresses great satisfaction at her -resolution to leave her aunt, but is not without her fears, that so -pretty a young woman, left to her own guidance, may be liable to danger; -though she thinks both her natural disposition, and her good sense, -sufficient to guard her against actual evil. - -Our lawyer writes us a word, that he has had an offer of a composition, -proposed by the widow Arnold's people: he says, though the sum they -mention is a very round one, yet it plainly indicates the weakness of -their hopes; and concludes with telling Mr Arnold, that if six-pence -would buy them off, he should not, with his consent, give it to them; as -it would tacitly admit the legality of their claim, and might be -productive of troublesome consequences hereafter; and therefore he would -by all means have the issue fairly tried. Mr Arnold laughs heartily at -the proposal, but says he is very much obliged to the lady for -condescending to give up more than half, when her daughter has a right -to the whole; without whose consent he supposes it is not in the -mother's power to make terms. - -I wish we were rid of this troublesome affair, as it must hurry us to -town sooner than we intended, and the country is still delightful. - - - _London, October 1_ - -Again we have quitted our sweet retirement for the noise and bustle of -London; but this law-business, it seems, must be closely pursued, though -our antagonist's motions seem a little dilatory. We cannot find out the -secret spring that sets the machine a-going; the wheels however do not -seem to move with such alacrity as they did; though the widow still -talks big, and says, we shall repent of having rejected her offer. - - - _October 3_ - -My brother is arrived in town, but took care to settle himself in -handsome commodious lodgings before he paid us a visit, for fear, I -suppose, that we should again press him to accept of apartments in our -house. I see he is determined to keep up nothing more than an -intercourse barely civil. Mr Arnold cannot but be disgusted with his -behaviour, but he is too delicate to take notice of it to me. - - - _October 17_ - -I am disappointed in my hopes of seeing my dear mother in town this -winter. Her apartment was ready for her, and I delighted myself with the -thoughts of seeing her in possession of it, at least for a few months; -but she writes me word that her old rheumatick complaint is returned on -her with such violence, that she cannot think of undertaking the -journey. Sadly am I grieved at this news, and shall long to have the -winter over, that Mr Arnold and I may fly to Sidney-castle; he has -promised me this satisfaction early in the summer. - -My mother informs me that Miss Burchell constantly corresponds with her: -she tells her that her aunt is come to town to sollicit for her pension, -but that she never sees her; and as she means to drop all correspondence -with her, she does not intend even to let her know where she lodges. I -commend Miss Burchell highly for this, as the acquaintance of such a -woman may be hurtful to her reputation. - - - [_Here ensues another interval of nine months, in which nothing - particular is related, but that Mrs Arnold became mother to a - second child. This last circumstance, with a few others preceding - and succeeding that event, are related in the Journal by her maid - Patty; after which Mrs Arnold herself proceeds._] - - - _July 1, 1705_ - -Again, my dear Cecilia, I am able to reassume my pen. I have read what -Patty has writ, and find she is admirable at the anecdotes of a -nursery. Am I not rich, think you? Two daughters, and both perfect -beauties, and great wits you may be sure! - -The new-born damsel was baptized this day by the dear-beloved name of -Cecilia. I am angry with Mr Arnold, he takes so little notice of this -young stranger; his affections are all engaged by Dolly: indeed, I am -almost jealous of her; for he spends most of the time he is at home in -the nursery. - -Our antagonist is grown alert again, and has renewed her efforts, which -we thought began to flag a little, with fresh vigour. Whence she derives -those revived hopes is a mystery; but she now says, she would not accept -of a composition if it were offered. My poor Mr Arnold begins to fret a -little, it now and then makes him thoughtful; not that he says he has -the least doubt about his success, but he has been much harrassed with -the necessary attendance that the cause requires, and downright tired -with dangling after lawyers; besides, they say the cause cannot come to -an hearing in the ensuing term, though they before made us hope, that it -would be at an end long before this time. - - - _July 3_ - -I am mortified exceedingly, my dear Cecilia: I find I am not likely to -see my mother this summer. I thought I could not have lived so long from -her sight. Indeed it was purely in the hope of making her this visit, -that I prevented her coming to town in the spring, which she purposed -doing, though far from being well enough to undertake the journey. I own -I have been impatient under my confinement, as that, and my previous -circumstances, detained us so long in town, and I this day asked Mr -Arnold when we should set out for Sidney-castle. He answered me, that he -feared it would not be in his power this season to pay the intended -visit to my mother: he says, he has not been near his estate in Kent -these five years, except for a day or two at a time, and that he thinks -it necessary to see what condition it is in. I believe I have told you -that there is a pretty house on it. The place is called South-park, and -is that which my mother chose for my settlement. Mr Arnold, who always -preferred Arnold-abbey to it, hardly ever visited this place; and as he -never resided there, and only lay at an inn when he went down, the house -is unfurnished, excepting a room or two, which a man who receives his -rent has just made habitable for his own convenience. - -But that I have laid it down as a rule never to oppose so good, so -indulgent a husband as Mr Arnold is, in any instance, wherein I do not -think a superior duty requires me to do so, I should certainly show some -disapprobation of what he now purposes doing. It will be attended with -so much trouble, so much expence too: he has ordered the house at -South-park to be completely furnished, and says, he hopes I shall like -it so well as to be induced to pass the remainder of the summer there. -Most sure it is, every place will be delightful to me where I can enjoy -his company, and have my dear little babes with me; but methinks two -country houses are an unnecessary charge, and more than suits our -fortune. I pray God this tender husband may not have a strong and -prudent reason for this conduct, which out of kindness he conceals; -perhaps he thinks this little spot at South-park may some time hence be -the whole of our dependence, and he has a mind to be before-hand with -ill fortune, in rendering that retreat agreeable to me, and rather an -object of choice than of necessity. If this be his motive, How much am I -obliged to him? He has not hinted any thing like it; nor would I dash -the pleasure he seems to promise himself there, by insinuating the least -suspicion of what his reasons are for going to it. If we lose -Arnold-abbey, and the whole estate belonging to it, I shall only regret -it for his sake. - - - _July 8_ - -We are to set out to-morrow, my Cecilia, for our place in Kent. I have -made the best apology that I could to my mother, and Mr Arnold too has -writ to her; but I know she will be extremely disappointed at not seeing -us. - - - _July 12_ - -We are lately arrived at South-park, Mr Arnold in high spirits; and my -two young travellers bore the fatigue extremely well. - -I am not surprized Mr Arnold liked the old family seat better than this. -I cannot say I am much charmed with it, but I will not let him see that. -I affect to admire, and seem pleased with every thing that affords me -the least opportunity of commendation. The house is a very neat one; it -has not been many years built, and is in perfectly good repair. It is -genteely, though plainly furnished, and we have a tolerable garden; but -as the whole domain is let, we are obliged to take a few fields from one -of our tenants, to supply our immediate want. We are in a very genteel -and populous neighbourhood, and within a mile of a good market town. - - - _July 20_ - -I have regretted nothing so much in my absence from Arnold-abbey, as the -being cut off from the hope of seeing my amiable Mrs Vere. We can have -but _one friend_ to share our heart, to whom we have no reserve, and -whose loss is irreparable; but I perceive the absence of a pleasing -acquaintance, whose society is no farther necessary to us, than as it -contributes to enliven solitude, and gets a preference to others merely -by comparison, is a loss easily supplied; this I find by experience. -There are Mrs Veres every where; but, alas! there is but _one_ Cecilia! - -I was visited today by two ladies that I am charmed with, though it is -the first time I have seen either of them. The one is lady V of whom you -have formerly heard. Her Lord and she came together; their seat is -within a mile of us, and Mr Arnold had a slight acquaintance with lord V -before. My lady is about forty, and has that kind of countenance that at -once invites your confidence; I never saw integrity, benevolence, and -good sense, more strongly pictured in a face; her address is so plain, -so perfectly free from affectation, or any of the little supercilious -forms of ceremony, that a person, ignorant of what true politeness -consists in, would imagine she wanted breeding; yet she received her -education in a court; but she seems to let good sense and good nature -preside over all her words and actions rather than form. She told me she -had deferred her visit to me, longer perhaps than the laws of decorum -would admit of, as we were such near neighbours; but, said she, I was -determined not to be overlooked in the crowd of visitors that have been -thronging to you every day, since you came down. The character I have -heard of you, makes me wish for an intimacy with you, and you are not to -look upon this as a visit of ceremony, but as an advance towards that -friendship I wish to cultivate. - -She spoke this with so frank an air, that, flattering as the compliment -appeared, I could not help believing her sincere; and thought myself, -that my appearance did not diminish that good opinion which she said she -had conceived of me from report. - -Lord V---- is many years older than his lady; a robust man, as plain in -his way as my lady is in her's; though _his_ way and _her's_ are very -different; for he is frank even to bluntness, but the best humoured man -living. - -The other lady whom I mentioned is a widow; her name is Gerrarde, and -she lives upon a little estate she has in this neighbourhood. I think I -never beheld so fine a creature; she is about six and twenty; her -stature, which is much above the common size, is rendered perfectly -graceful and majestic by one of the finest shapes in the world; if her -face is not altogether so regularly beautiful as her person, it is, -however, handsome enough to render any woman charming who had nothing -else to boast of. Whether her understanding be of a piece with the rest, -I have not yet been able to discover. Her visit to me was but short, for -she had not sat with me an hour when lady V---- came in, and she then -took her leave; but by what I could observe in that little time, she -seems to have as much vivacity and agreeable humour, as I ever met with -in any one. She pressed me to dine with her at her cottage, as she calls -it, to-morrow, and I like her too well to refuse the invitation. - -These two charming women, I think, I shall single out for my chief -intimates, from the crowd which have been to compliment me, on my coming -into this country. - -Mr Arnold is mightily pleased with them both; but he gives the -preference to lady V----, whom, tho' he had a slight acquaintance with -her lord, he never saw before. But he is almost as great a stranger in -this place as I am: he is highly delighted at my having met with people -who are likely to render it agreeable to me. - - - _July 21_ - -We dined to-day according to appointment with Mrs Gerrarde. A -cottage she called her house, nor does it appear much better at the -outside, but within it is a fairy palace. Never was any thing so neat, so -elegant, so perfectly well fansied, as the fitting up of all her rooms. -Her bedchambers are furnished with fine chints, and her drawing-room -with the prettiest Indian sattin I ever saw. Her little villa is -called Ashby, and her husband, she told me, purchased it for her -some time before his death, and left it to her; but she has since had a -considerable addition to her fortune, by the death of a relation. - -Our entertainment was splendid almost to profusion, though there was no -company but Mr Arnold and I. I told her, if she always gave such -dinners, it would frighten me away from her: indeed it was the only -circumstance in her whole conduct that did not please me, for I was -charmed with the rest of her behaviour. They must surely be of a very -churlish disposition, who are not pleased, where a manifest desire to -oblige is conspicuous in every word and action. If Mrs. Gerrarde is not -as highly polished as some women are, who, perhaps, have had a more -enlarged education, she makes full amends for it by a perfect good -humour, a sprightliness always entertaining, and a quickness of thought, -that gives her conversation an air of something very _like_ wit, and -which I dare say passes for the thing itself with most people. - - - _July 24_ - -I have returned lady V----'s visit, and am more delighted with her than -before, Mr Arnold went with me; but my lord not being at home, he went -to ramble about the grounds, so that I had a long _tête à tête_ with -lady V----. She is an admirable woman, so fine an understanding, such -delicacy of sentiment, and such an unaffected complaisance in her -manner, that I do not wonder my lord perfectly adores her. There is a -tenderness, a maternal kindness in her behaviour towards me, that fills -me at once with love and reverence for her; and, next to my Cecilia, I -think I never met with any woman whom I could so highly esteem as lady -V----. She is an admirable mistress of her needle, and every room in her -house exhibits some production of a very fine genius, united with very -great industry: for there are beds, chairs, and carpets, besides some -very pretty rural prospects in panels, executed with inimitable skill, -and very excellent taste. She tells me, if I will give her leave to -bring her work with her, she will live whole days with me. - -I am rejoiced now that Mr Arnold thought of coming to South-Park. How -valuable is the acquaintance of such a woman as lady V----! and I might -never have known her, but for a circumstance to which I was at first so -averse. And then my agreeable lively Mrs Gerrarde! My acquaintance at -Arnold-abbey begin to fade upon my memory: to say the truth, I think of -none of them with pleasure, but Mrs Vere, and my good humoured old Dean. - - - _August 4_ - -Mrs Gerrarde is a little saucy monopolist; she grumbles if I do not see -her every day, and is downright jealous of my intimacy with lady V----. -They are acquainted, but I don't find there is a very close intercourse -between them: Mrs Gerrarde says, her ladyship is too good a houswife for -her; and as she is not very fond of needle-work herself, she cannot -endure people that are always poring over a frame. I find indeed, that -this sprightly rogue is fonder of cards than of work; she draws Mr -Arnold and me in very often for a pool at piquet: at her house I am -obliged to submit; but at my own, I often take up a book, when she and -Mr Arnold are engaged at their game, and make them decide the contest -between them. Nay, I threaten that I will, some night or other, steal -to-bed and leave them; for she is unconscionable at late hours; and as -she lives very near us, and keeps a chariot, she does not scruple to go -home at any hour of the night. What a pity it is so amiable a woman -should be thus fondly attached to so unprofitable an amusement! for I -begin to see play is her foible; though, to do her justice, she never -engages but for very trifling sums, and that only in our own little -domestic way. But this passion may grow upon her, and she may be led -unawares into the losing more than her fortune can bear. - - - _August 12_ - -I never was so disconcerted as I have been this day: you will be -surprized when I tell you, it was by my good lady V----. She came to -pass the day with me, Mr Arnold being engaged abroad. - -We were both sitting at work in the parlour: lady V---- had continued -silent for a good while; at last looking at me with a most benign smile, -for I had at the same instant cast my eyes at her; I was just then -thinking, my dear Mrs Arnold, said she, that I once (though perhaps you -did not know it) flattered myself with the hopes of being related to -you. Her words threw me into confusion, though I did not know their -meaning. It would have been both an honour and a happiness to me, madam, -I replied, though I don't know by what means I was ever likely to -possess it. She continued smiling, but seemed in suspence whether she -should proceed. You will pardon my curiosity my dear, said she, but give -me leave to ask, whether Mr Arnold was not once near losing the -happiness he now enjoys? I felt my face glow as she spoke. There was -once a treaty of marriage on foot, madam, I answered, between me and -another gentleman. I am sorry I mentioned it, said my lady, observing my -confusion; but as I was no stranger to the affair while it was -transacting, and Mr Faulkland is a kinsman of mine, I hope you will -forgive my inquisitiveness; for I own I have a curiosity, which I -believe no body but yourself can gratify; and if I did not think you the -most candid, as well as the best tempered creature living, I durst not -push my enquiry. My lord, you are to know, was in London, at the time Mr -Faulkland was first introduced to you; and as they are extremely fond -of each other, Mr Faulkland did not scruple to disclose his passion to -him, nor the success it then appeared likely to be crowned with, giving -him at the same time such a character of you, as I have since found you -deserve. - -When my lord returned to V---- hall, which he was obliged to do very -soon after Mr Faulkland had made this discovery to him, he informed me -of the alliance my cousin Faulkland was going to make; and we were -pleasing ourselves with the thoughts of congratulating him on his -happiness, when we received a letter from him that put an end to all our -expectations; this letter contained but four distracted lines: he told -my lord, in broken sentences, that he had lost all hopes of Miss -Bidulph; that an act of indiscretion had been construed into a capital -crime; and that being banished from the presence of the woman he adored, -he was immediately about to bid adieu to England, perhaps for ever. - -This was the substance of what he wrote to us: we have heard from him -since a few times, but he never cleared up the matter to us, nor even so -much as mentioned it. I have not been in London since; my lord has; but -he never could get any light into the mystery: he heard from some of our -friends, who knew of the intended match, that it was broke off nobody -knew why. There were, however, several idle surmises thrown out; some -laid the blame on Mr Faulkland, and some on you; but the truth I believe -still remains a secret. Now, my dear, if my curiosity is improper, or if -there was any particular motive to this disappointment of my kinsman's -hopes, which you don't chuse to reveal, forgive my enquiry, and think no -more of it; but take up that book, and read to me while I work. - -Though my lady gave me this kind opportunity of evading her question, I -did not lay hold of it: I did not indeed chuse to reveal the whole of -this affair, because I did not think myself at liberty to divulge Miss -Burchell's secret, however I might discover my own. I told my lady in -general terms, that though Mr Faulkland might pretend to a lady every -way my superior, yet there was an objection to him of no small weight -with us; that my mother had been informed of a very recent piece of -gallantry he had had with a person of some condition, and that it had -disgusted her so much, she could not think of uniting me with a man -whose passions were not a little more staid; and that this was the sole -reason of her dislike to a gentleman, who was in every other respect -unexceptionable. I am glad it was no worse, said lady V----, smiling; I -am sure Mr Faulkland is not capable of a _base_ action; youthful -follies he may have had, though I believe as few even of those to answer -for as most men of his years. I make not the least doubt, however, that -lady Bidulph was guided by prudence in what she did. She certainly could -not be too cautious in the disposal of _such_ a child as you; and -whatever Mr Faulkland's disappointment may be, _you_ I hope are happy. -Lady V---- looked at me as she pronounced these words, with an -inquisitive, though tender regard. I was glad of an opportunity of -enlarging on the merits of Mr Arnold, and told her, I was as happy as my -heart could wish, or the worthiest of men could make me. I am glad of -it, said she, with a quickness in her voice, but don't imagine, my dear -Mrs Arnold, (and she took me by the hand) that I introduced this -conversation merely to gratify a curiosity, which I fear you must -condemn in your private thoughts, though you have been so good as to -satisfy it: I had another reason, a much stronger one. What is it dear -madam? almost starting with apprehensions of I did not know what. Don't -be alarmed, said she smiling, it is only this; a great aunt of Mr -Faulkland's is lately dead, who has left him a considerable personal -estate, and he is coming over to take possession of it; otherwise I -don't know when we should have seen him in England. My lord had a letter -very lately from him; he was then at Turin, where he had met with our -eldest son, who is now on his travels: he told us he had letters and -some tokens of love to deliver us from him; and that he should -immediately on his arrival in England come to V---- hall, where he would -pass a month with us. Now as we expect him daily, I had a mind to -apprize you of his intended visit, that you might not be surprized, by -perhaps unexpectedly meeting him at my house. I thanked her ladyship for -her obliging caution, though I thought it had something in it that -mortified me. I told her, that though I should not seek to renew my -acquaintance with Mr Faulkland, yet had I no reason to avoid him. Lady -V----, who is extremely quick of apprehension, replied, Without doubt, -madam, you have not; but you might be surprized at seeing him -notwithstanding. - -She presently turned the discourse; but made me happy the whole day, by -that inexhaustible fund of good sense and improving knowlege, of which -she is mistress. - -Mr Arnold came not home 'till very late; he complains that he is got -into a knot of acquaintance that like the bottle too well; but I am sure -his natural sobriety is such, that it will not be in the power of -example to lead him into intemperance; though I am vexed he has fallen -into such acquaintance, because I know drinking is disagreeable to him: -yet a country gentleman must sometimes give a little into it, to avoid -the character of being singular. - - - _August 22_ - -Surprized I was not, because I came prepared; but I own I was abashed, -at seeing Mr Faulkland to-day. Mr Arnold and I were invited to dine at -Lord V----'s, and his lordship, and his guest, came in from the fields -where they had been walking, just as we were ready to sit down to table. - -There happened to be a good deal more company; Mr Faulkland was not -introduced; so that there was no room for any thing constrained or -improper of either side. I presently recovered the little embarrassment, -that his first entrance into the room occasioned. I am sure nobody took -notice of it; for dinner being immediately served, there was a sort of -bustle in hurrying out of the drawing-room. The crowd we had at table -destroyed all conversation; and nothing particular was said during -dinner. Lady V---- soon withdrew, and all her female friends followed -her. I observed she frequently glanced her penetrating eyes at Mr -Faulkland while we were at table, but I did not chuse to make any -observations on him. We had not been long seated at our Coffee, when -four of the gentlemen slipped from their company and came to us: these -were Mr Arnold, Mr Faulkland, and two others. My lord is pretty free at -his bottle, and none of these gentlemen I suppose were fond of that -entertainment. Lady V---- and I were sitting on a couch: I called to Mr -Arnold, and placed him between us: Mr Faulkland approached me, and then, -for the first time, with a respectful distance, enquired after my mother -and Sir George, telling me he had missed of the latter, when he was in -London, being told he was at Sidney-castle. After a few more indifferent -questions, he took a dish of coffee, and retired with it to a window. Mr -Arnold asked me in a whisper, if I was acquainted with Mr Faulkland; I -could only answer, that I was formerly very well acquainted with him. -Nothing more passed between Mr Faulkland and me the whole evening: he -returned soon to the company in the next room, and I saw no more of him. - -I can with the utmost sincerity assure my Cecilia, that I now behold Mr -Faulkland with as much indifference as I do any other man of my -acquaintance. Time, joined to my own efforts, must, without any other -help, have intirely subdued an inclination, which was always restrained -by prudential motives, and rendered subservient to my duty; but I have, -besides this, now acquired a shield that must render me invulnerable; I -mean the perfect and tender affection I bear my husband: this has -completely secured me against the most distant apprehensions of being -alarmed from any other quarter; yet notwithstanding all this, I can't -say that I am quite satisfied at this renewal of my acquaintance with Mr -Faulkland. I hope, and indeed it is reasonable to suppose, that I have -now as little interest in _his_ heart as he has in mine: it is but -natural to believe that a gay young man like him, should not be so weak -as to nourish a hopeless passion for more than two years, especially as -he has never once seen the object of it in all that time; and must, -without doubt, have had his attention engaged to others in all -likelihood much preferable to her; so that I think I have reason to be -as easy on his account as on my own. But still I am disquieted in my -mind; I have a delicacy that takes alarm at the veriest trifles, and has -been a source of pain to me my whole lifetime: it makes me unhappy to -think that I am now under an almost unavoidable necessity of sometimes -seeing and conversing with a man, who once had such convincing proofs, -that he was not indifferent to me. - -Mr Arnold's ignorance of our former connections makes it still worse. At -the time I was so averse to his knowing any thing of this affair, I -flattered myself I should never see Mr Faulkland more, or at least never -be obliged to have any intercourse with him; but I now lament that I did -not take my mother's advice, and disclose the whole affair at first. Oh! -my Cecilia, when the smallest deviations from candor (which we suppose -discretion), are thus punished with remorse, what must they feel whose -whole life is one continued act of dissimulation? If Mr Arnold had been -acquainted with my former engagements, my heart would be more at ease, -and I should then converse with this man with all the disengaged freedom -of a common friend. I wish Mr Arnold's curiosity would excite him to ask -me some questions relative to my acquaintance with Mr Faulkland, that I -might have an opportunity of telling him the secret. But the enquiry he -made at lady V----'s was in a careless manner; he was satisfied with my -reply, and spoke not of him since. - -You will laugh perhaps when I tell you that I have not courage to -mention it first; Mr Faulkland is reckoned a very fine gentleman, and I -think it would have such an air of vanity to tell my husband that I -refused him: then it would bring on such a train of explanations, and -poor Miss Burchell's history must come out; for a husband on such a -subject might be disgusted with concealments of any kind; and I doubt -whether even some circumstances in my particular share of this story -might not displease him. In short, I am bewildered, and know not what to -wish for; but must e'en let things take their course, and rest satisfied -in the integrity of my own heart. - - - _August 26_ - -Oh! my dear! I am mortified to the last degree, lest Mr Arnold should, -from some indiscreet tongue, have received a hint of my former -engagement; he may think me disingenuous for never having mentioned it, -especially since Mr Faulkland has been in the neighbourhood: I think his -nature is too open to entertain any suspicions essentially injurious to -me; yet may this affair, circumstanced as it is, make an unfavourable -impression on him. I wish I had been before-hand with any officious -whisperer: he has got so many new acquaintance, and is so much abroad, -that the story may have reached his ears. God forbid it should affect -his mind with causeless uneasiness! I would Mr Faulkland were a thousand -miles from V---- hall. I think Mr Arnold is altered since his arrival -there--Colder he appears to be--I hope I but _fancy_ it--yet there _is_ -a change--his looks are less kind--his voice has lost that tenderness, -that it used to have in speaking to me--yet this may only be his -temper--a man cannot _always_ be a lover--Oh! I sicken at the very -thought of Mr Arnold's entertaining a doubt of my true affection for -him. I would not live in this suspence for millions. I would rather he -should treat me roughly--if I discovered that to be his humour, though -it would frighten me, yet should I patiently conform to it. - - - _August 30_ - -That which was ever the terror of my thoughts is come upon me--Mr -Arnold--Ah! my dear Cecilia! Mr Arnold is no longer the same! Coldness -and indifference have at length succeeded to love, to complacency, and -the fondest attention--What a change! but the _cause_, my dear, that -remains a secret locked up in his own breast. It cannot be that a -whisper, an idle rumour should affect him thus. What if he _has_ heard -that Mr Faulkland loved me once? That we were to have been married? -Cannot he ask me the question? I long to set his heart at ease--yet -cannot mention the affair first, after so long a silence; it would look -like a consciousness. A consciousness of what? I have nothing to accuse -myself of. - - - _September 1_ - -I am no longer in doubt.--The cause, the fatal cause of Mr Arnold's -change is discovered. This miserable day has disclosed the secret to me; -a black, a complicated scene of mischief. - -Mr Arnold rode out this morning. He told me he was to dine with a -gentleman at some miles distance, and should not return till late in the -evening. - -He was but just gone, when a lady of my acquaintance called in upon me, -to request I would go with her to a play, that was to be performed at -night. You must know we have had a company of players in the -neighbourhood for some time past, and it was to one of those poor -people's benefits that she desired my company. I promised to attend her, -though you know I don't much admire those sort of entertainments in the -country, and seldom go to them. - -The lady and her husband called upon me at the appointed hour, and I -went with them in their coach. The place which the players had fitted up -for their purpose, had formerly been a pretty large schoolroom, and -could, with the addition of a gallery (which they had made) with ease -contain above three hundred people. The play had been bespoke by some of -the principal ladies in the neighbourhood, who had used all their -interest for the performer, so that the house was as full as it could -hold. The audience consisting chiefly of fashionable people, it was with -difficulty that we reached the places which were kept for us in the pit, -as they happened to be on the bench next the stage, and the door was at -the other end of the house. The first object that I observed on my -coming in was Mr Faulkland; he bowed to me at a distance, but made no -attempts to approach me. The play was come to the latter end of the -fourth act, and the curtain was let down to make some preparation on the -stage, when we were alarmed with the cry of fire. - -It happened that the carpenters, who had been employed in fitting up -this extempore theatre, had left a heap of shavings in a little place -behind the stage, which had been converted into a dressing-room; a -little boy belonging to the company had found a candle in it, and having -piled up the shavings, set them on fire, and left them burning: the -flame communicated itself to some dry boards which lay in the room, and -in a few minutes the whole was in a blaze. Some persons, who heard the -crackling of the wood, opened the door, when the flame burst out with -such violence, that the scenes were presently on fire, and the curtain, -which as I told you was dropt, soon caught it. - -The consternation and terror of the poor people, whose _all_ was -destroying, is not to be described: the women shrieking, threw -themselves off the stage into the pit, as the smoke and flames terrified -them from attempting to get out any other way, though there was a door -behind the stage. - -The audience were in little less confusion than they; for as the house -was composed chiefly of wood, every one expected it would soon be -consumed to ashes. - -The horror and distraction of my mind almost deprived me of the power of -motion. My life was in imminent danger; for I was scorched with the fire -before I could get at any distance from the stage, though the people -were rushing out as fast as they could. - -The lady who was with me was exceedingly frightned; but being under her -husband's care, had a little more courage than I had. He caught her -round the waist, and lifted her over the benches, which were very high, -giving me what assistance he could with his other hand. But the terror -and hurry I was in occasioned my foot to slip, and I fell between two of -the benches, and sprained my ancle. - -Some people pushing to get out, rushed between me and my company; the -excessive pain I felt, joined to my fright, made me faint away; in this -condition Mr Faulkland found me, and carried me out in his arms; for my -companion was too anxious for her own safety, to suffer her husband to -stay to give me any assistance, so that he had only time to beg of the -men about him not to let me perish. - -I soon recovered, upon being carried into the open air, and found myself -seated on some planks, at a little distance from the booth, Mr Faulkland -supporting me, and two or three other people about me, whom he had -called to my assistance. - -Indebted to him as I was for saving my life, my spirits were at that -time too much agitated to thank him as I ought. - -He told me, he had stepped behind the scenes to speak to somebody, and -was there when the stage took fire; that he then ran to give what -assistance he could to the ladies that were in the house (observe he -distinguished not _me_ in particular), and had just come in when he saw -me meet with the accident, which had occasioned my fainting away; and -when the gentleman, who was with me, was calling for help, but at the -same time getting out as fast as he could. - -I now began to recollect myself; I was uneasy at Mr Faulkland's -presence; I wished him away. I beseeched him to return once more to the -booth, to see if every one had got out safe, for I told him I had seen -several of my female acquaintance there, for whom I was alarmed. With -the assistance of the people about me, I said I could make a shift to -get to the nearest house, which was not above a hundred yards off, from -whence I should send home for my chariot, which I had ordered to come to -me after the play. He begged I would give him leave to see me safe to -that house, but I would not permit him; and he left me in the care of -two women and a man, who had come to be spectators of the fire. - -With the help of these people, I contrived to hobble (for my ancle -pained me exceedingly) to the place I mentioned, which happened to be a -public house. All the rooms below were full, and the woman of the house -very obligingly helped me up stairs into her own chamber. I called for a -glass of water, which was immediately brought me, and I desired the -woman to send some one to my house, which was at about a mile's -distance, to order my chariot to come to me immediately. - -While the woman went to execute my instructions, I had thrown myself -into a chair that stood close to the wainscot. I heard a bell ring, and -presently a waiter entered, and asked if I wanted any thing; I told him, -no. He ran hastily out of the room, and entering the next to that where -I was sitting, I heard a voice, which I knew to be Mr Arnold's, ask, -Were the servants found? The man replying that they were not. Then, said -Mr Arnold, tell your mistress she will oblige me if she will let me have -her chaise to carry this lady home. The waiter presently withdrew, and -without reflecting on the particularity of Mr Arnold's being there with -a lady, about whom I formed no conjectures, I was about to rise off my -chair to go in to him; but being almost disabled from walking, I was -obliged to creep along, holding by the wainscot; when a tender -exclamation of Mr Arnold's stopped me. My dearest creature, said he to -his companion, you have not yet recovered your fright. A female voice -answered him with some fond expressions, which I could not hear -distinctly enough to discover whose it was; but I was soon put out of -doubt, when the lady added, in a louder tone, Do you know that your wife -was at the play to-night? Mr Arnold answered, No; I hope she did not see -me. Mrs Gerrarde, for I perceived it was she who spoke, replied, I hope -not, because perhaps she might expect you home after the play. Though Mr -Arnold, in his first emotion of surprize at hearing that I was at the -play, was only anxious lest I should have observed him, yet he was not -so lost to humanity as to be indifferent whether I escaped the flames or -not: I am surprized I did not see her, said he; I wish she may have got -out of the house safe. You are very sollicitous about her, replied Mrs -Gerrarde, peevishly; there was one there perhaps as anxious for her -preservation as you are--The conversation I found here was likely to -become extremely critical for me; but I was prevented from hearing any -more, by the woman of the house, who just then entered the room to ask -me how I did, and to know if I wanted any thing. - -I had heard enough to convince me that my presence would be very -unacceptable both to Mr Arnold and his companion, and I resolved not to -interrupt them; nor, if possible, ever let Mr Arnold know that I had -made a discovery so fatal to my own peace, and so disadvantageous to him -and his friend. - -The messenger who had been dispatched for my chariot met it by the way, -and was now returned with it; I was told that it was at the door; and it -was with difficulty I got down stairs, leaning on the woman of the -house. - -I found Mr Faulkland at the door; he saw that I wished to disengage -myself from him after he had carried me out of the booth; and though -probably he did not take the trouble to excuse the sham commission I -gave him, which was indeed with no other view than to get him away, yet -I believe he had too much respect to intrude on me; and came then with -no other design than to enquire if my chariot had come for me, and how I -was after the terrible condition he had left me in, sitting at night in -the open air, with nobody but two or three ordinary people about me, and -those strangers. This was a piece of civility which humanity, had -politeness been out of the question, would have obliged him to. He told -me the fire was extinguished, and happily nobody had received any hurt; -and that he had only called at that house to know if I were safe, and -recovered from the fright and pain he had left me in. I thanked him, and -was just stepping, assisted by Mr Faulkland, into the chariot, when Mr -Arnold appeared at the door: he was alone, and I concluded, that having -heard the chariot rattle up the court-yard, he supposed it was the -carriage he had ordered for Mrs Gerrarde, and came down to see if it was -ready to receive her. - -The light which the servant, who attended me out, held in his hand, -immediately discovered Mr Arnold and me to each other. I could easily -distinguish surprize mixed with displeasure in his countenance. He -asked me abruptly, How I came to that place? Which I told him, in few -words. The cold civility of a grave bow passed between him and Mr -Faulkland, who leaving me in my husband's hands, wished me a good night, -and got into my lord V----'s coach, which waited for him. - -Though I knew, from the discourse I had overheard, that Mr Arnold did -not mean to go home with me, yet as I was now seated in the chariot, I -could not avoid asking him. He told me, he was engaged to sup with -company at that house, and that probably he should not be at home till -late. I knew this beforehand, and, without troubling him with any -farther questions, drove home. - -I have thrown together the strange occurrences of this evening, as well -as the tumult of my spirits would give me leave: I shall now lay down my -pen, to consider of them a little more calmly. My heart sinks in me--Oh! -that I had remained in ignorance!-- - -Is it possible, my Cecilia, that Mr Arnold, so good a man, one who -married me for love, and who for these two years has been the tenderest, -the kindest husband, and to whom I never gave the most distant shadow of -offence, should at last be led into--I cannot name it--dare not think of -it--yet a thousand circumstances recur to my memory, which now convince -me I am unhappy! If I had not been blind, I might have seen it sooner. I -recollect some passages, which satisfy me that Mr Arnold's acquaintance -with Mrs Gerrarde did not commence at South-park. I remember lady V---- -once asked me, had she and I been acquainted in London? I said, No. My -lord laughed, and in his blunt way said, I will swear your husband was, -for I have seen him hand her out from the play more than once. I never -asked Mr Arnold about this; it made no impression on me at the time it -was spoke, and went quick-out of my thoughts. - -'Tis one o'clock: I hear Mr Arnold ring at the outer gate; I tremble all -over, and feel as if I feared to see him. Yet why should I fear? _I_ -have not injured _him_. - - - _September 2_ - -Mr Arnold staid long enough in his dressing-room after he came in last -night, to give me time to go to-bed before he came up stairs. Not a word -passed between us: I slept not the whole night: whether he did or not I -cannot tell. He asked me this morning, when he rose, how I did: I told -him in great pain. My ancle was prodigiously swelled, and turned quite -black, for I had neglected it last night. He said, you had better let a -surgeon see it, and went carelessly out of the room. How new is -unkindness to me, my friend! you know I have not been used to it. Mr -Arnold adds cruelty too--but let it be so; far be reproaches or -complaints from my lips; to you only, my second self, shall I utter -them; to you I am bound by solemn promise, and reciprocal confidence, to -disclose the inmost secrets of my soul, and with you they are as safe as -in my own breast.-- - -I am once more composed, and determined on my behaviour. I have not a -doubt remaining of Mr Arnold's infidelity; but let me not aggravate my -own griefs, nor to a vicious world justify my husband's conduct, by -bringing any reproach on my own. The silent sufferings of the injured, -must, to a mind not ungenerous, be a sharper rebuke than it is in the -power of language to inflict. - -But this is not all: I must endeavour, if possible, to skreen Mr Arnold -from censure. I hope his own imprudence may not render these endeavours -ineffectual. I am resolved not to drop my acquaintance with Mrs -Gerrarde. While we continue upon a footing of seeming intimacy, the -frequent visits, which I am sure Mr Arnold makes at her house, will be -less taken notice of. - -How Sir George would triumph at the knowlege of Mr Arnold's deviating -from virtue! How my poor mother would be amazed and afflicted! But I -will, as far as lies in my power, disappoint the malice of my stars; my -mother shall have no cause to grieve, nor my brother to rejoice; the -secret shall die with me in my own bosom, and I will wait patiently, -till the hand of time applies a remedy to my grief.--Mrs Gerrarde sent a -message to enquire how I did. Conscious woman! she would not come -herself, though she knew not I had discovered her. - -My dear good lady V---- hurried to see me the instant she had -breakfasted: Mr Faulkland had told her of my disaster, and her -tenderness soothed and comforted me much. She sat by my bed-side two -hours, and her discourse alleviated the pain both of my mind and body; -but now she has left me, I must again recur to the subject that wrings -my heart. Mr Arnold is enslaved to one of the most artful of her sex. I -look upon his attachment to be the more dangerous, as I believe it is -the first of the kind he ever had; and no woman was ever more formed to -please and to deceive, than she who now holds him in her chains. Into -what hands am I fallen! Mrs Gerrarde must have heard my story, and by -the hint I heard her drop, what cruel misrepresentations may she have -made to Mr Arnold! Mr Faulkland, she can have no enmity to; but me she -certainly hates, for she has injured me. - -'Tis noon: I have not seen Mr Arnold since morning; he has been abroad -ever since he rose; Good God! is this the life I am condemned to lead? - -A new scene of affliction is opened to me: surely my fate is drawing -towards a crisis. Mr Arnold has just left me. What conversation have we -had! - -After entering my room, he walked about for some minutes without -speaking; at last stopping short, and fixing his eyes upon me, How long -have you, said he, been acquainted with Mr Faulkland? I told him my -acquaintance began with him some months before I was married. He was -once your lover I am informed. He was, and a treaty of marriage was -concluded on between us. You would have been happier perhaps, madam, if -it had taken place. I do not think so Mr Arnold, you have no reason to -suppose I do. I had a very great objection to Mr Faulkland, and obeyed -my mother willingly, when she forbid me to see him. I ask not what that -objection was, said he; but I suppose, madam, you will without -reluctance obey _me_, if I make the same request to you. Most -chearfully; you cannot make a request with which I should more readily -comply. But let me beseech you, Mr Arnold, to tell me, what part of my -behaviour has given you cause to think such a prohibition necessary? I -do not say, answered Mr Arnold, that I have any suspicion of your -virtue; but your acquiescence in this particular is necessary to _my_ -peace and your _own_ honour. A lady's being _married_ does not cut off -the hopes of a gay man. You give me your promise that you will not see -him any more. I _do_, said I; I will give up lady V----, whose -acquaintance I so much esteem: I will go no more to her house while Mr -Faulkland continues there; and I know of no other family, where I visit, -that he is acquainted with. - -My pride would not suffer me to enquire where he had got his -information: I already knew it too well; and fearing he would rather -descend to an untruth than tell me his author, I declined any farther -questions. He seemed satisfied with my promise, but quickly left me, as -if the whole end of his visit to me was accomplished in having obtained -it. - - - _September 8_ - -What painful minutes am I obliged to sustain! Mrs Gerrarde has been to -see me, gay and assured as ever. She affected to condole with me on the -accident that happened to my foot, with such an overstrained concern, -such a tender solicitude, that her insincerity disgusted me, if -possible, more than the other part of her behaviour. She told me, she -herself had been at the play, but very luckily had got out without -receiving any injury. I said, I was surprized I had not seen her there. -O, replied she, I was in a little snug corner, where nobody could see -me; for having refused to go with some ladies that asked me, I did not -chuse to be visible in the house, and so squeezed myself up into what -they called their gallery, for I took nobody with me but my maid. -Audacious woman!--Is it not strange, my dear, that Mr Arnold could be so -weak as to humour her in the absurd frolick of going with her to such a -place? for so it must have been; or perhaps she appointed him only to -call for her at the play; and he might have arrived but just in time to -assist her in getting out. No matter which it was. - - - _September 9_ - -I was born to sacrifice my own peace to that of other people; my life is -become miserable, but I have no remedy for it but patience. - -Mr Arnold spends whole days abroad; at night we are separated on account -of my indisposition; so that we hardly ever converse together. What a -dreadful prospect have I before me! O! Cecilia, may you never experience -the bitterness of having your husband's heart alienated from you! - -Lady V----, that best of creatures, is with me constantly; she presses -me to come to her house, as my ancle is now pretty well, yet I am -obliged to excuse myself. I am distressed to the last degree at the -conduct I shall be forced to observe towards her, yet dare not explain -the motive. Causeless jealousy is always the subject of ridicule, and at -all events Mr Arnold must not be exposed to this. - - - _September 12_ - -I am weary of inventing excuses for absenting myself from V---- hall. My -lady has done solliciting me, yet continues her friendly and -affectionate visits; I fear she guesses my situation, though she has not -as yet hinted at it; but her forbearing to press me any more on the -subject of going to her, and at the same time not requiring a reason for -this breach of civility as well as friendship, convinced me, that she -suspects the cause of my restraint. I am now perfectly recovered, yet -do I still confine myself to my house, to avoid as much as possible -giving umbrage to lady V----: but this restraint cannot last much -longer; Mrs Gerrarde teazes me to come to her, and I have promised to -make her my first visit. - - - _September 27_ - -Said I not that my fate was near its crisis? Where will this impending -ruin end? Take, my Cecilia, the occurrences of this frightful day. - -Mr Arnold rode out this morning, and told me he should not return till -night. He asked me, with that indifference which now accompanies all his -words, How I meant to dispose of myself for the day? I told him, I had -no design of going abroad, and should spend my time in reading, or at my -needle. This was my real intention; but Mr Arnold had but just left the -house, when I received a message from Mrs Gerrarde to know how I did, -and to tell me she was not well, and much out of spirits, or she would -come and pass the day with me; but that she insisted on my dining with -her. As I had told Mr Arnold I did not mean to go out, I really had -neither intention nor inclination to do so. But shall I confess my -weakness to you? I suspected that he purposed spending the day (as he -often did) with Mrs Gerrarde, and the more so from the question he had -asked me on his going abroad; he thought I might probably pay her a -visit; and this intrusion was a circumstance he had a mind to be guarded -against, by knowing before-hand my designs. I had not been to see Mrs -Gerrarde since my recovery, and it was natural to suppose I would return -her visits. Possessed as I was with this opinion, her message gave me a -secret satisfaction, as it served to convince me Mr Arnold was not to be -with her, for she generally detained me late when I went to her house. -From what trivial circumstances will the afflicted draw consolation, or -an additional weight of grief? So it was, I felt a sort of pleasure, in -thinking, that for all that day at least Mr Arnold would absent himself -from my rival--My rival! mean word, she is not worthy to be called so; -from his mistress let it be. In short, I resolved to go, especially as -she had sent me word she was not well, and I knew my husband would be -pleased with my complaisance. - -I went accordingly to her house, a little before her hour of dining, -which is much later than any body else's in this part of the world. I -found her dressed out, and seemingly in perfect health. She looked -surprized when she saw me; and I then supposed that she hoped to have -received a denial from me, and was disappointed at my coming; though I -wondered that the answer she received to her message had not prepared -her. This thought rushed into my mind in an instant, and I was sure she -expected Mr Arnold. I told her, if I had thought I should have found her -so well, that her message should not have brought me to her; for that I -had determined not to stir out that day, till her invitation prevailed -on me to change my mind. Sure, my dear, said she, there must have been -some mistake in delivering the message to you, it was for to-morrow I -desired the pleasure of your company to dine with me; for today I am -absolutely engaged. However, I am very glad you are come, for I shall -not go out till seven o'clock. I was vexed and mortified: either your -servant or mine made a mistake, said I, for I was told you desired to -see me to-day; besides you sent me word you were not well. She seemed a -little abashed at this: I _was_ very ill in the morning, she said; and -though I was engaged to spend the evening abroad, did intend to have -sent an excuse; but finding myself better, I changed my purpose. - -Dinner was immediately served, and I sat down, but with a reluctance -that prevented me from eating. I would have taken my leave soon after -dinner, but Mrs Gerrarde insisted on my staying, and told me, if I -refused her, she should think I had taken something amiss of her. She -called for cards; I suffered myself to be persuaded, and we fell to -piquet. - -I played with disgust, and without attention, every minute wishing to -break away. Coffee was at length brought in; I begged to be excused from -staying, telling Mrs Gerrarde, I was sure I prevented her from going -abroad, but she would take no denial. I was constrained to take a dish -of coffee, and was hastening to get it down when the parlour door flew -open, and lo! Mr Faulkland entered the room. If an object the most -horrible to human nature had appeared before me, it could not, at that -instant, have shocked me half so much. I let the cup and saucer drop -from my hand: to say I turned pale, trembled and was ready to faint, -would be too feeble a description of the effect this spectre had on me. -I was senseless, I almost died away. Mrs Gerrarde pretended to be -greatly alarmed; she ran for drops, and having given me a few in a glass -of water, I made a shift to rise off my chair, and telling her, I should -be glad of a little air, tottered to the street door. I determined to go -home directly, but the universal tremor I was now in, disabled me from -walking, and I sat down in the porch to recover myself a little. Mr -Faulkland's having been a witness to the agony his presence had thrown -me into, did not a little aggravate the horror and confusion of my -thoughts. Whatever _his_ were, he had not spoke to me, nor was it -possible for me to have remarked his behaviour: I staid not more than -two minutes in the parlour after he entered. In this situation you will -think my distress would hardly admit of any addition; but the final blow -was yet to come. Mrs Gerrarde had staid a minute in the parlour to speak -to Mr Faulkland after I went out, but presently followed me, and was -soothing me with the kindest expressions, when I heard the trampling of -horses, and presently beheld Mr Arnold alighting at the door. I now gave -myself up for lost. My mind suddenly suggested to me that Mrs Gerrarde -had contrived a plot upon my innocence; but how she had been able to -bring it about, my thoughts were not then disengaged enough to conceive. -My mind was all a chaos; I was not able to answer Mr Arnold when he -spoke to me. He soon perceived my disorder, and enquired the cause. Mrs -Gerrarde took upon her to answer, that I was just preparing to go home, -when I was taken suddenly ill. I was going abroad, said she, and as I -ordered the chariot much about this hour, I fancy it is ready, and may -as well carry Mrs Arnold home; you had best step into the parlour, my -dear, (to me) till it is brought to the door. - -I am now able to walk, madam, said I; there is no occasion to give you -that trouble. Mr Arnold said, I should not walk by any means; and Mrs -Gerrarde immediately calling to a servant to order the chariot to the -door, said, as she was going out, she would leave me at home herself. Mr -Arnold answered, it would be the best way, and that he should follow -soon. The chariot was presently at the door, and I was preparing to get -into it, when Mrs Gerrarde cry'd, Bless me, I had forgot, it will not be -so civil to leave the gentleman behind, without saying any thing to him. -Mr Arnold hastily asked, What Gentleman? Mrs Gerrarde replied, Mr -Faulkland, _who took it into his head_ to make me a visit this evening. -She went quickly into the parlour, and strait returned with Mr -Faulkland; who bowing carelessly to Mr Arnold, and civilly to me, walked -away. - -Mrs Gerrarde stepped into the chariot to me, and ordered it to drive to -my house, leaving Mr Arnold standing motionless at her door. - -A total silence prevailed on my side during our short journey home, -except to answer in monosyllables Mrs Gerrarde's repeated enquiries -after my health. She set me down at my own door, and took her leave -without alighting. When I found myself alone, I began to consider the -consequences of this evening's fatal interview; an interview, which, -though unthought of by me, I judged was contrived to ensnare me. I laid -all the circumstances together, and endeavoured to unravel the clue. -'Tis plain to me Mr Arnold was expected by Mrs Gerrarde this evening. -She sent for me on purpose to betray me; the message, which she -pretended was delivered wrong, was only an artifice, in order to impose -on Mr Arnold, that he might imagine she did not expect me. Indeed, he -could not possibly think she should send for me on the very evening he -was to be with her; and she had so well guarded her contrivance, that it -was not easily to be detected. She had sent her message by word of -mouth, though she generally wrote them down on paper, but this way would -not have been liable to misconstruction: she had told me she was engaged -in the evening, yet detained me longer than I meant to stay. From the -first of these circumstances, it must appear to Mr Arnold, that as I had -come unwished for, she wanted to get rid of me; the latter obviously -served her own purpose; for it is as clear as daylight that she laid her -plan so as that Mr Arnold should find Mr Faulkland and me together. All -this I have deduced from a long train of reasoning on the circumstances. -But the inexplicable part of the mystery is how she contrived to get Mr -Faulkland, with whom I did not think she was acquainted, to visit her at -so fatally critical a juncture. Sure some evil spirit must have assisted -her in this wicked scheme: she knew, no doubt, of the promise Mr Arnold -had exacted of me, never to see him. The apparent breach of this -promise, she may have art enough to persuade Mr Arnold was concerted on -my side. But I hope I shall be able to clear myself of this cruel -imputation to my husband. Truth must force its way into his mind, if he -is not resolved on my destruction. Perhaps Mr Faulkland may be secretly -Mrs Gerrarde's admirer, and Mr Arnold is the dupe to her perfidy, as I -am the sacrifice to her malice and licentiousness.--'Tis all a strange -riddle, but I cannot remain long in this dismal state of suspence; Mr -Arnold, perhaps, may discover her treachery, while she is endeavouring -to destroy me in his good opinion. - -I am waiting here like a poor criminal, in expectation of appearing -before my judge. I wish Mr Arnold were come in, yet I dread to see him. - -I might have spared myself the anxiety. Mr Arnold is just returned, but -he has locked himself into another chamber. I will not molest him -tonight; to-morrow, perhaps, he may be in better temper, and I may be -able to justify myself to him, and dispel this frightful gloom that -hangs over us. - - - _September 13_ - -Hopes and fears are at an end, and the measure of my afflictions is -filled up. - -I went to bed last night, but slept not; the hours were passed in -agonies not to be described. I think all griefs are magnified by silence -and darkness. I well knew, prepossessed as Mr Arnold was by my artful -enemy, I should find it difficult to excuse myself, or persuade him, -that chance, or Mrs Gerrarde's more wicked contrivance, had been the -sole cause of what had given him such offence. I was resolved, however, -to vindicate my innocence, and was, in my own thoughts, preparing my -defence the greatest part of the night. Towards morning, weariness and -grief overpowered me, and I fell asleep, but I enjoyed not this repose -long. Some noise that was made in the house suddenly awakened me; I saw -it was broad day, and looking at my watch, found it was past seven -o'clock. I rang my bell, and Patty entering my room, I enquired if her -master was yet stirring. The poor girl looked aghast, He is gone away on -horseback, madam, said she, almost two hours ago; and he ordered his man -to put up some linnen and a few other things in a small portmanteau. I -believe he means not to return to-night; for he bid me to deliver this -letter to you. I opened the letter with trembling hands, from whence I -received my doom in the following words: - -'You have broken your faith with me, in seeing the man whom I forbad you -to see, and whom you so solemnly promised to avoid. As you have betrayed -my confidence in this particular, I can no longer rely on your prudence -or your fidelity. Whatever your designs may be, it will be less to my -dishonour if you prosecute them from under your husband's roof. I -therefore give you till this day se'nnight to consider of a place for -your future abode; for one house must no more contain two people, whose -hearts are divided. Our children remain with me, and the settlement -which was made on you in marriage, shall be appropriated to your -separate use. - -'I have left home to avoid expostulations, nor shall I return to it till -I hear you have removed yourself. Spare the attempt of a justification, -which can only aggravate the resentment of your already too-much injured -husband.' - -I have for a while suppressed the tumult in my soul, to give you this -shocking letter. - -O my Cecilia! What a wretched lot is thy unhappy friend's! To be -neglected, forsaken, despised, by a husband that I love! Yet I could -bear that: but to be suspected, accused too! to be at once the miserable -object of jealousy and scorn! Surely they know nothing of the human -heart, who say that jealousy cannot subsist without affection; I have a -fatal proof to the contrary. Mr Arnold loves me not, yet doubts my -honour. Cruel, mean, detestable suspicion! Oh that vile woman! 'tis she -has done this; like a persecuting dæmon she urges on the ruin which she -set on foot. - -What can I do? Whither can I fly? I cannot remain here any longer; my -presence banishes Mr Arnold from his home. If I go to my mother under -such circumstances, it will break her heart; yet she must know it. I -must not wait to be turned out of my own doors. That thought is not to -be borne. I will go this instant, no matter whither. - - - _September 15_ - -God preserve me in my senses! I have passed two days and two nights I -know not how; in silence and without food, Patty tells me. But I think I -am a little recovered. I will write to my mother, and beg of her to open -her arms to receive her miserable child. I am collected enough, and know -what to say. - -I had just dispatched my letter, incoherent as it is, and blotted with -my tears, when Patty brought me one that had come by the post. I knew my -dear mother's hand on the superscription, and kissed it before I opened -it. See, my sister, how the tenderest of parents write to her unhappy -child, whom she fondly believes to be the darling of her husband, and -blessed with domestic felicity. - - My beloved Sidney, - - I find age and infirmities are advancing a-pace upon me. My last - illness shook me severely, and has left a memorandum of what I may - expect in the next visit it makes me. Your family cares are now so - much enlarged, that I cannot expect, nor do I desire that you - should undertake a journey to Sidney-castle to pay me a short - visit; yet, my dear, as you are the comfort of my age, I cannot, - in the present precarious state of my health, bear to be at such a - distance from you; while God permits me strength I will lay hold - of his bounty, and endeavour to get to London. You have told me - that you are not conveniently circumstanced at South-park as to - room; I will not therefore incommode you, but shall content myself - with waiting your arrival in town, at your house in St. - James's-street; but do not hasten your departure from the country - on this account. I am in no immediate danger, my dear, only - willing to lay hold of an interval of health, to get nearer to - you. If God prolongs my life, what joy will it be to me to spend - next winter with my darling, and her dear good Arnold, and to - feast my eyes with my lovely grandchildren! - - If I am called from you, I shall have the comfort of my child's - affectionate hands to close my eyes; and shall leave the world - without regret, as I have lived to see my Sidney happy in the arms - of a good man, who will supply the loss of parents, and unite in - himself those tender ties which nature must soon dissolve. - - My prayers for yours, and my dear son's prosperity, I never fail - to offer up to Heaven. Your brother George is with me, and desires - to be remembered to you; he purposes staying here the greatest - part of the winter. - - As I hope to reach London by the latter end of the week, direct - your next to me at your own house in town. - - I am, - My dear love, - Your most sincerely, - affectionate mother, - DOROTHY BIDULPH. - -My heart is bursting--O Cecilia! What will become of my fond, my dear, -venerable parent, when she finds this daughter, this comfort of her age, -this beloved of her soul, a poor abandoned outcast; lost to her -husband's love, turned out of his doors, despised, disgraced! My -children too--I must leave them behind--My God, for what calamities hast -thou ordained thy creature! Tears, tears, you may well flow! - -So! I am relieved, and will endeavour to fortify my soul against the two -events, that appear to me horrid as an approaching execution to a guilty -wretch, the parting with my children, and the meeting with my mother. As -the letter I wrote will miss of her at Sidney-castle, I shall write to -London, to prepare her to receive the wretch whom her imagination has -figured to her so happy. - -Lady V----! I hear her coming up stairs--I cannot conceal my affliction, -nor my disgrace. - -Lady V---- has left me: left me in astonishment and new horror. Mrs -Gerrarde! Who do you think Mrs Gerrarde is? She is the aunt of Miss -Burchell, that aunt who betrayed her to destruction. Sure this woman was -sent into the world for a scourge! - -I cannot collect myself to tell you with any method, the conversation -that passed between lady V---- and me. She found me with the marks of -tears on my face; they streamed again at the sight of her; I could not -conceal the cause, and I put Mr Arnold's letter into her hands, for I -was not able to tell her the purport of it. - -This is Mrs Gerrarde's doing, said she, the detestable creature! How -could she work on your infatuated husband, to drive him such horrid -lengths? I know not, said I, but I hope my lady V---- believes me -innocent. Innocent, she exclaimed! My dear creature, your sufferings -almost make me mad. Do you know that Mrs Gerrarde has an intrigue with -your husband? I fear so, madam, I replied, but I hoped it was not -publick. Poor child, said lady V----, his attachment to her has been no -secret, ever since he came down to this country, though probably you -were the last to suspect it. I have often dreaded the consequences of -it, but never imagined it would have come to this; I always had a bad -opinion of the woman, and only kept up a face of civility to her in her -husband's time, on account of her niece, a charming girl that then lived -with her; but since Miss Burchell has left her, I have almost dropt my -acquaintance with her; though my lord, who had an old friendship for -captain Gerrarde, persuades me to be civil to her. - -The name of Miss Burchell had struck me speechless. The clue was now -unravelled. With what an unremitting zeal has this base woman gone on in -her career of iniquity? Lady V----, who was intirely taken up with the -thoughts of my unhappiness, took no notice of my silence or confusion. -What do you mean to do, my dear Mrs Arnold, said she? Do you think it is -not possible, by the interposition of friends, to disabuse your -unfortunate husband? For unfortunate he is, in a higher degree than -yourself, as you have conscious innocence to support you. Oh madam, said -I, it is in vain to think of it! Mrs Gerrarde has struck the blow -effectually. Were Mr Arnold left to the workings of his own heart, he -might, perhaps, relent; but that woman, like my evil genius and his, -will take care to keep his suspicions alive. She possesses his whole -heart, and my removal is become necessary, to the quiet of them both. I -have taken this resolution, I will immediately quit this house, and -leave it to a righteous God to vindicate me in his own time. You should -go no where but to my house, said lady V----, with tears in her eyes, -but that I think it an improper situation for you, while Mr Faulkland is -my guest. He will be distracted when he hears of this. I conjured lady -V---- not to tell him: my being parted from my husband cannot long be a -secret, said I, but the cause may. Lady V---- told me that Mr Faulkland -was that very morning set out for Sidney-castle, to see my brother; -having received a letter from him the day before, in which he told him -that my mother was going in a day or two to London, and begged he would -come and spend a week with him. She added, that Mr Faulkland purposed -doing so, and then to return to V---- hall, as my lord had obtained a -promise from him to stay some time longer with them; at least till the -old lady's affairs were settled, who had left her fortune to Mr -Faulkland, and to whom my lord V---- was executor. - -I told lady V---- I depended on her friendship, to keep this affair a -secret from Mr Faulkland, lest the heat of his temper should make him -take such notice of it, as might render my separation from Mr Arnold -doubly injurious to my character. Lady V---- saw the necessity of this -caution, and promised to observe it. She expressed great surprize at Mr -Faulkland's visiting Mrs Gerrarde, whom she said, she did not imagine he -had been acquainted with. He is no stranger, said she, to your husband's -amour with her, as it has often been a topic of discourse between my -lord and me; and I can hardly think he would be so indelicate as to -carry on a love-affair with such an abandoned creature; especially as I -have often heard him express the utmost detestation of her, on account -of her robbing you of your husband's affection; which I had observed for -a good while. But there is no knowing mankind, added she: if that should -be the case, you may depend upon it that vile Gerrarde has laid her plan -deeper than we are aware of, and would out-swear us all, that Faulkland -came to her house for no other purpose, than to have an opportunity of -seeing you; who to be sure, she said, had given him a private hint to -meet you there. Now the worst of it is, it is impossible to have this -matter cleared up to your husband, without Mr Faulkland's concurrence, -and that you will not consent to. By no means, I replied, I would not -for the world have Mr Faulkland interfere in my justification. If the -affair should really be as you have suggested, a little time may, -perhaps, discover this wicked woman to Mr Arnold, and it will not then -be so difficult to clear my innocence. At present, her influence over -him is too powerful for me to combat with; and I know he wishes for -nothing more than to free himself from the restraint that my presence -lays him under. - -Lady V---- acquiesced in my opinion, and said, she hoped a little time -would chace away the dark cloud that now hung over me. She staid with me -the whole day; it was a day of tears: the dear woman was quite subdued -at parting with me. I see you no more, dear lady V----, said I; I shall -go to London in two days--Preserve your fortitude, dearest Mrs Arnold, -she replied; the time will come when your husband will repent of the -bitter distress he has occasioned to you; my lord and I will use our -utmost endeavours to convince him of his error.--We shall meet in -London, my dear, I shall go thither early in the winter on purpose--Have -courage--Your innocence _must_ be cleared. I answered her not, my heart -was too full. We embraced, and lady V---- parted from me in silence. - -I have written to my mother, and directed my letter to St -James's-Street. I would have her prepared for the shock before she sees -me; a shock, which I fear she will not be able to sustain. - - - _September 16_ - -Mrs Gerrarde has never called or sent to me since I was at her house. -She has effected her purpose, and is contented without a triumph. - -I am prepared for my departure. To-morrow I turn my back upon my -husband's house, and upon my children. I have been weeping over them -this hour as they lie asleep in their nurse's arms. But I will look at -them no more.--Poor Patty is almost dead with grief; she would fain go -with me, but I have persuaded her to stay: I can rely on her fidelity -and her tenderness towards my children; she says, she _will_ be as -precious of them as the apple of her eyes, and will give me an account -of their welfare from time to time. Sure Mr Arnold will not turn _her_ -out too; she is an excellent manager, and he cannot do without a -housekeeper. - -I have been debating with myself whether I should write to Mr Arnold or -not, and have at length determined to depart in silence. It is an easy -matter for the guilty to make as bold asseverations as the innocent, and -nothing which I could now assert would make an impression on him. Had I -only his suspicions to combat, there might be hopes: but his _heart_ is -alienated from me; and while it continues attached to another, I despair -of his listening to the voice of reason or of justice. If ever his eyes -are opened, his error will prove sufficient punishment to him--Perhaps -my mother or my brother may put me in a way--My conduct, in time, I -hope, may justify me--Mean while I will not condescend to the weak -justification of words. - - - _September 18_ - -I have bid adieu to South-park, and arrived this morning in London in a -hired carriage, for I would not take one of Mr Arnold's. I found my -mother at the house in St James's-street, where I now am: she got here -late last night, and my letter had thrown her into agonies, from which -she had not yet recovered. What have you wrote to me, said she, as she -held me in her arms? your dreadful letter has almost killed me--Sure, -sure, my dear child, it cannot be true that you have left your husband! -What is the cause? What have _you_ done? or, What has _he_ done? I -begged my mother to compose herself a little, and then related to her -every circumstance, in the same manner you have had them as they -occurred. Her lamentations pierced my heart; she wrung her hands in -bitterness of anguish; Why did not the grave hide me, said she, before I -saw shame and sorrow heaped upon my child. I came to die in peace with -you--You might have lengthened my days for a while--But you cut them -off--My eyes will close in affliction--A wounded spirit who can bear! -Had you died in your cradle, we had both been happy. My child would now -have been a cherub, an angel you would have been in my eyes, and I am -punished for it; but that was _my_ crime, not your's. But you are a -martyr to the crimes of others. - -My mother wept not all this time; I wished she had; her passionate looks -and tones affected me more than tears could. My eyes began to run over, -her's soon accompanied me, and it a little relieved the vehemence of her -grief. - -She then began to reproach herself for having listened to lady -Grimston's suggestions in favour of Mr Arnold, and for her own -solliciting this fatal marriage. But I stopped her, on a subject which I -knew would so much torment her thoughts. I conjured her not to reflect -on it in that manner; I told her I knew she had acted for the best, and -that nothing but an extraordinary fatality, which could neither be -foreseen nor avoided, had made me unhappy. I said I was sure Mr Arnold -had been seduced by the wiles of a wicked woman, for that he was by -nature a good man, and that he had more of my pity than of my -resentment. - -I found it necessary to reconcile my mother to herself on this head; she -seemed willing to lay hold on the hint, and turned all her indignation -against Mrs Gerrarde. A _practised_ sinner, she called her, for whom -nothing could be said in extenuation of her crime. - -We now turned our thoughts towards fixing on some other abode. You may -be sure Mr Arnold's house is no place for us; and my mother declared she -would not stay another night in it: accordingly we have dispatched her -maid to take us lodgings immediately. - - - _September 21_ - -We have quickly shifted the scene, my dear Cecilia, and are settled, at -least for the present, in very handsome lodgings in St Alban's-street. -We came to them last night, and my mother seems a little less disturbed -than she was. I pray God spare her life, but I fear I shall not long -enjoy that blessing. She is sadly altered since I last saw her; a -dropsical complaint is stealing on her fast, her legs are swelled, and -she has intirely lost her appetite; yet if her mind were a little more -at ease, I should hope, that by the assistance she can have here, she -might be enabled to hold out against this disorder for a good while. I -endeavour to suppress my own grief, that I may not increase her's. - - - - - VOLUME II - - - _September 21_ - -I was surprized to-day by a visitor to my mother. Miss Burchell came to -pay her respects to her: I have told you they corresponded. My mother, -it seems, had given her notice of the time she intended being in town: -the young lady had been to wait on her in St James's Street, and was -from thence directed by the servant, who kept the house, to our new -lodgings. - -She is really a very lovely young woman; and there is something so -insinuating in her manner, that there is no seeing her without being -prejudiced in her favour. She changed colour when my mother presented me -to her by my name; but, at the same time, surveyed me with a scrutinous -eye. My mother asked her, had she seen Mr Faulkland since his return to -England. She answered, No, with a sigh; but that she believed he had -been to Putney. To see his son, said my mother? without reflecting, that -Miss Burchell had avoided mentioning that circumstance, and stopped upon -naming the place where the child was at nurse. Yes, she replied, in a -timorous accent, and stealing a look at me. The woman told me, that a -young gentleman had been there about six weeks ago, who said he came -from the child's father abroad, and made her a handsome present. As I -did not then know Mr Faulkland was returned to England, I should not -have suspected it was he himself who had called, if his housekeeper -(that gentlewoman in whose care he left me) had not come to me from him. -She is settled now in a lodging-house; and Mr Faulkland, on his coming -to London, went to her, to enquire where the child was. She told me he -inquired civilly after me, and gave her a letter for me, which the -good-natured woman joyfully brought me; but it contained nothing but a -bill of a hundred pounds, with two or three lines, polite indeed, but -not kind, to inform me it was for the child's use; and I have heard -nothing of him since. - -My mother told her, that as Mr Faulkland was returned again, probably to -continue in England, she did not despair of his being brought to do her -justice; especially as she must suppose the sight of the child had made -an impression on him. She then, without ceremony, entered into a detail -of my unhappy story: she was full of it; and being, as you know, of a -very communicative temper, made no scruple to inform Miss Burchell of -every particular. She seemed very much affected with the story, and grew -red and pale by turns; especially at finding her aunt so deeply -concerned in it. She exclaimed against her barbarity, reproached Mr -Arnold for his injurious suspicions, and condoled obligingly with me on -the wrongs I had received; and yet, my Cecilia, would you believe it, I -thought I could discover, through all this, that Miss Burchell was not -entirely free from doubt in regard to my innocence. This observation I -gathered only from certain looks that she cast at me, as my mother -related the passages. There are little minute touches on the countenance -sometimes, which are so transient they can hardly be overtaken by the -eye, and which, from the passions being strongly guarded that give rise -to these emotions, are so slight, that a common observer cannot discover -them at all. I am sure my mother did not; but my sensibility was -particularly rouzed at her relating a story that I did not then wish to -have divulged; and I was too much interested in the narrative, not to -attend precisely to its effects on the hearer. I am neither angry with, -nor surprized at, Miss Burchell, for her scepticism on this occasion. -She loves Mr Faulkland, and had not herself the power to resist him: she -knows he once loved me, and may fancy he does so still; nay, thinks -perhaps I am not indifferent towards him: she is a stranger to _my_ -heart; but is convinced, that her aunt is base enough, first to ensnare -to vice, and then to betray. Upon the whole, there is nothing unnatural -in her suspicions; but I think they could not proceed from a virtuous -mind. - -Upon Miss Burchell's taking leave, my mother gave her a general -invitation to come to her as often as she had leisure; telling her, she -must not take it amiss if she did not return her visits, as her health -would not permit her to go much abroad. - -Miss Burchell, it seems, has a house (not lodgings) in a retired street -in Westminster, where she has been ever since she quitted her aunt, to -whom she never discovered where she lived. Her fortune enables her to -appear very genteelly in the private manner she chuses to live. She goes -but seldom into publick, and has but a narrow circle of acquaintance. -Those are all of her own sex, and of the best character; and she has had -the good fortune to preserve her reputation unsuspected; so that, I -hope, she may yet retrieve her error by an advantageous match, should Mr -Faulkland still continue averse to her. - - - _September 28_ - -I have had a letter from Patty: she tells me, her master is returned -home; and adds, 'To be sure, that vile wicked wretch let him know you -were gone.' She says, he called for the two dear babes, and kissed them -both. Patty carried the youngest to him in her arms, the other in her -hand, and she says, he looked troubled. How came you not to follow your -lady, Mrs Martha, said he? She replied, My Lady was willing, Sir, that I -should stay to look after the children--And to be a spy upon my actions, -I suppose: Is that not to be part of your employment too? Ah! Patty, -Patty; Mrs Arnold had better have looked to her own conduct. Patty made -no answer, but retired in tears. Every one in the house, she writes, is -broken-hearted; but that Mr Arnold is never at home, spending his whole -time with Mrs Gerrarde, whom the girl, in the overflowings of her zeal -for me, heartily execrates. She informed him, that I was gone to London, -and purposed living with my mother, who was now there. - - - _October 7_ - -I have just received a letter from Lady V----. She tells me she sent -twice to Mr Arnold to dine with them, in order, if possible, to lead him -into a conversation, by which they hoped, in some measure, to have -cleared my innocence, as my lord could take upon him to justify Mr -Faulkland; but he declined coming, not knowing, perhaps, that Mr -Faulkland was absent from V---- hall. She said, her lord had gone to -South-Park; but either Mr Arnold was not at home, or denied himself. My -Lady adds, 'It is a delicate affair to interpose in; yet would I have -ventured to have wrote to your husband, if I had been sure that you had -no objection to my telling him, that you had made me privy to the cause -of your parting: 'tis plain, by his avoiding us, it is a subject he does -not care to come to an explanation upon. Let me have your sentiments, -and I will act accordingly.' - -I shall answer Lady V----'s letter directly, and beg of her to leave -the matter as it is. Mrs Gerrarde's testimony will have more weight than -all my good lord or lady could urge in my favour: besides, they are not -furnished with sufficient weapons to combat against such an enemy: they -know nothing of Miss Burchell's story; my regard to _her_ character -prevented me from giving my lady this specimen of her aunt's baseness. I -suppose the same reason may have closed Mr Faulkland's lips on that -subject: so that they have nothing to allege against Mrs Gerrarde, which -would help to invalidate her testimony with regard to Mr Faulkland and -me. Mr Arnold, indeed, knows that she has forfeited her pretensions to -modesty; but the delusion of self-love blinds a man in those cases; and -he can believe, that _truth_, _sincerity_, and _justice_, inhabit the -bosom of her, whose passion for _him_ alone has caused a deviation from -chastity. - -I cannot think of exposing the poor Miss Burchell by giving up her -secret. Though it might contribute to clear me, by turning Mr Arnold's -suspicions on Mrs Gerrarde, yet would she have great reason to resent -it; more especially as she is now, by a blameless life, endeavouring to -blot out the memory of her fault. Though my Lady V---- is very prudent, -her zeal for me, and my lord's good-natured earnestness in my cause, -might render them unguarded on the occasion; and should they attempt to -make use of this secret, in order to eliminate Mrs Gerrarde, it might, -at the same time, bring malicious censures both on Miss Burchell and Mr -Faulkland. - -I think, upon the whole, my mother is the properest person to mediate on -this occasion. When Mr Arnold comes to town, she can, with due -tenderness to the young lady, disclose the whole affair to him. The -knowlege of this black part of Mrs Gerrarde's character, joined to her -arguments, may perhaps have some weight; though, to tell you the secret -bodings of my heart, I expect not much from this. I have lost my -husband's love; Mrs Gerrarde possesses it all; and who knows whether he -even wishes to lose his pretence for abandoning an unhappy wife. I wish, -however, Mr Faulkland were returned to V---- hall: should Mr Arnold know -of his absence at this juncture, he might imagine possibly he was gone -in quest of me. - - - _October 12_ - -How the scene is changed, my sister! What a melancholy reverse is here, -to my late prospect of domestic happiness! I pass my nights in tears, -and bitter reflections on my dismal situation. My days are spent in a -painful constraint, to conceal the anguish of my own heart, that I may -not aggravate that of my poor mother. My endeavours to be chearful, I -perceive, have a good effect on her; she is much more composed, and -seems resigned to our fate, patiently waiting for a change. I think too -she is rather better in her health; she has had the advice of a -physician of eminent skill; the medicines prescribed, he gives us hopes, -will keep her disorder at least from gaining ground; and that she may -hold out for some years. - -I have prevailed on her not to give Sir George an account of my unhappy -story, till I hear that Mr Faulkland has left him; because I know my -brother would conceal nothing from him; and, if possible, I would have -Mr Arnold's suspicions of _Him_ concealed. I have many reasons for this; -my own delicacy would receive a wound by it; for who knows what judgment -Mr Faulkland might form on this knowlege? But my most material objection -is, should he attempt to vindicate his own honour, what might be the -consequence! I shudder to think of it. I know Mr Faulkland is rash, when -provoked. Rather let my sufferings and my disgrace lie wrapped in -oblivion, than bring any disaster on the father of my children. - - - _October 16_ - -Another letter from Lady V----. She tells me, that Mr Faulkland is -returned from his visit to my brother. He was soon informed of my -parting with Mr Arnold; 'tis the talk of the neighbourhood; every body -lays it on Mrs Gerrarde. Mr Faulkland was very inquisitive to learn -particulars from my lady, which, he said, he was sure I had told her; -but she took care not to give him the least hint which could lead him to -suppose that _He_ had any share in my fate. She says, he raves like a -madman; and that she finds it absolutely necessary to keep him in -ignorance of the truth. She was obliged to tell him, that my having -discovered Mr Arnold's amour with Mrs Gerrarde, she believed, was the -sole cause of our separation. He asked her, Was she _sure_ there was no -other? adding, That he thought my temper had been too gentle, to fly, on -a sudden, to such extremes. My lady took occasion to ask him, Whether he -did not visit Mrs Gerrarde? He replied, He did sometimes, having -formerly known her at Bath. She concludes with telling me, That Mr -Arnold is become quite invisible to every friend he has, Mrs Gerrarde -engrossing him wholly. - -I hope Mr Faulkland may not suspect how much _He_ is concerned in my -misfortune: my absenting myself, for some time before I left home, from -V---- hall, and my departure from my husband, immediately after my -interview with Mr Faulkland at Mrs Gerrarde's, may raise some distrust -in his mind; but, while it continues merely surmise, he can have no -pretence for requiring an explanation from Mr Arnold; so that, if my -husband keeps his own council, which he seems inclined to do, and my -lord and lady V---- preserve the secret, I shall rest satisfied. - - - _October 20_ - -My mother has written to Sir George, and given him a full account of my -situation, with a request, which I prevailed on her to make, that he -would not take any notice of the affair till he saw us. My brother, -perhaps, may think of a way, with tenderness and safety, to remove Mr -Arnold's doubts, without farther exposing my reputation, or laying my -husband open to mischief. A prudent, cool, and at the same time zealous -friend, might devise some means to effect this; but I fear my brother's -disregard to Mr Arnold, his diminished love for me, and his resentment -to my mother, will prevent him from engaging with that alacrity or -precaution that the nicety of circumstances may require. I will, -therefore, wait with patience, till God, in his own time, shall raise me -from the state of humiliation into which I am fallen. - - - _October 22_ - -With what a tortoise pace does time advance to the wretched! how dismal -are those hours which are spent in reflecting on lost happiness. O -Faulkland! how light was thy transgression, if we consider the -consequences, compared to that which has driven me from my home, and -from my children! steeled my husband's heart against me, heaped infamy -on _my_ head, and loaded my mother's age with sorrow and remorse! All -this is the fatal consequence of Mr Arnold's breach of his marriage-vow: -all this, and much more, I fear, that is to come. - -We keep ourselves entirely concealed from the knowlege of all our -acquaintance: not a mortal visits us, but, now and then, Miss Burchell; -and I have never stirred out of doors but to church. - - - _October 28_ - -Sir George has answered my mother's letter, just as I feared he would: -he speaks of Mr Arnold with more contempt and aversion, than he does of -me with pity or brotherly kindness. He says, 'It is well for him, that -Mr Faulkland knows not of his injurious suspicions of him, or he would -vindicate himself in a manner he little thinks of.' He tells us, He does -not know (at this distance) how to advise; but that, as I am of so -_patient_ and _forbearing_ a spirit, he thinks my wrongs may sleep till -he comes to town, which cannot yet be these three or four weeks, having -leases to renew with his tenants, and abundance of other business to do -in the country.--So much for George's tenderness. - - - _October 29_ - -My comforts are circumscribed within a very narrow compass; for I cannot -reckon one, but what I receive from poor Patty's letters, who never -fails to send me weekly an account of my dear little children. They are -well, thank God, and not yet abandoned by their father; but even the -knowlege of this is imbittered by repeated hints of Mr Arnold's lost -condition. Lost, I may call it; for his whole soul is absorbed in the -mad pursuit of his own ruin. The poor girl, in the bitterness of her -indignation, tells me, he has made Mrs Gerrarde a present of a favourite -little pad of mine: she says, she had a mind to tear her off, when she -saw her mounted upon it. - -I wish not to be told of any of Mr Arnold's motions, and should forbid -Patty to write to me any thing upon the subject, but that I fear my -letter might fall into Mr Arnold's hands: his curiosity might lead him -to open it (for the conscious mind will descend to meannesses); and, if -he should see my prohibition, he would be satisfied that his servant was -too free in her censures. I am sure he is quite unconcerned at _my_ -knowing his conduct; but I would not, nevertheless, for my children's -sake, bring this tender, faithful, poor creature into disgrace with him, -by convincing him of the liberty she takes, though he may very naturally -suspect it. - - - _October 30_ - -A lady of our acquaintance, who happened to see me at church, came to -pay me a visit to-day. It seems, she is intimate with the widow Arnold, -who told her, very lately, that she was impatient for the commencement -of term, as she then expected the cause depending between her and us -would be brought to a final issue, and determined intirely in her -child's favour. This account alarmed my poor mother so much, that she -could not be easy till she sent for our lawyer, who was so obliging as -to come upon the first summons. She acquainted him with the cause of -her apprehensions; and asked him, whether there was any likelihood of -the widow's succeeding. He laughed at my mother's fears, and at our -antagonist's flourishes, as he called them; and said, he would not give -a bent six-pence to ensure Mr Arnold's estate to him, which the ensuing -term, he says, will put out of the reach of doubt. This assurance has -quieted our anxiety on that head. The loss of our suit would indeed be a -dreadful blow, as we should have nothing then remaining but my small -jointure, for the support of Mr Arnold, myself, and our two children; -not to mention Mrs Gerrarde, who, I have reason to believe, has been no -inconsiderable sharer in Mr Arnold's fortune. - - - _November 4_ - -Six melancholy weeks are gone since I have been here, I may say, both a -prisoner, and a fugitive. I count the days as they pass, as if I -expected some revolution in my fate; yet, whence is it to come? No -prospect as yet opens to me. Mr Arnold's law-affairs will soon call him -to town: something may then happen--But does not Mrs Gerrarde come too? -He cannot live without her; and I shall reap no benefit from this, but -the chance of seeing my children sometimes perhaps; though he may not -bring them with him, or, if he does, he may be cruel enough to refuse me -the sight of them. Sir George is cold and dilatory: were he on the spot, -something might be done; he might expostulate: my mother too could join -arguments to intreaties: Mr Arnold perhaps might be recovered from his -delusion; it is but a perhaps. - - - _November 15_ - -My brother is arrived in town sooner than we expected, and came this -evening to pay us a visit. My altered and dejected looks, I believe, -shocked him; but George wants tenderness, or at least a capacity of -shewing it. After a recapitulation of my story, he asked me, 'Could I be -so mean-spirited a creature as ever to think of living with Arnold -again, even though he should be inclined to desire it?' I told him, he -considered the matter in a wrong light; and that he ought to reflect on -my reputation, and the future welfare of my two poor little girls, who -would be material sufferers, from the want of my care and attention, as -they grew up; not to mention the disadvantages they would enter life -with, by my continuing under an aspersion which might in time become -very public, as I made no doubt but that Mrs Gerrarde would take pains -to propagate it wherever she went. My mother added, Mr Arnold too might -be saved from perdition, if he could be so far convinced of his wife's -innocence, as to be reconciled to her, and live with her again. And -pray, said Sir George, how is this to be done, if that damned woman has -put it into his head, that Faulkland and you are fond of one another? Do -you imagine that he will believe what _you_ say? what your brother, or -your mother, or even Faulkland himself, could say to the contrary? I own -to you very fairly, that I so much despise the man, that, unless you -will give me leave to talk to him my own way, I will have nothing to say -to him at all. Would you have me _sue_ to him for a reconciliation, and -try to persuade him out of the belief of an imaginary injury, which -probably he was glad to make a handle of to get rid of you? No, Sidney; -you may be as tame as you please yourself, but it does not become your -brother to be so. When I go to him, I must insist upon not having rules -prescribed to me: your delicacy, in regard to Faulkland's asserting your -innocence, I have nothing to say against; but there can be no objection -to your brother's vindicating the honour of his family. I saw Sir -George's resentment was rouzed to the highest pitch; his eyes sparkled -with indignation, and his whole frame seemed agitated. - -Dear brother, said I, I conjure you, (and I fell upon my knees and -clasped both my arms around his) do not add to my affliction, by -involving yourself and my husband in a fatal quarrel. What difference -would it make to me, if Mr Arnold should fall, whether it is by your -hand or Mr Faulkland's? The loss would be the same; the misfortune, the -publication of my disgrace, the same. Your husband, said he, breaking -from me, though a little softened, would have as good a chance as I, if -it came to the hazard; or perhaps he might condescend to take you again -(if you will have it so), without coming to these extremities, if I am -suffered to argue properly with him.--I will not consent to your seeing -him at all, said I, eagerly. The cause is now my own, he answered, -coolly; but I will do nothing to aggravate your distress. I did not like -the manner in which he spoke. My mother, who till now had been silent, -caught the alarm. Let me intreat you, son, said she, to drop the -thoughts of any violent methods with Mr Arnold. If you value your -sister's peace, or have any regard to the obedience you owe me, I insist -on it, that you neither see him nor write to him, without our knowlege -and consent; and if you do not promise me this, I renounce all ties of -kindred or affection to you: your mother has as just a sense of the -honour of her family as you can have; but it is not on so hot a head, -and so weak an arm, that she depends to see it justified to the world. -Sir George, who was nettled at my mother's spirited rebuke, made her a -low bow. No doubt of it, madam, said he, there will be a miracle wrought -in my sister's favour. I would have you let her try the experiment of -the ordeal: I dare say she would come off victorious, and then Mr Arnold -would do you the favour to take her home again. I wish, said my mother, -gravely, that there was a possibility of bringing my dear child's -innocence to such a proof; I would not hesitate a minute to put it to -the trial: but since there is no such a thing _now-a-days_, I will wait -till God, in his own righteousness, shall judge her cause, and clear her -to the world. Therefore, son, I insist upon your promise before you -leave me. - -I give you my word, madam, answered Sir George, I will not attempt to -hold any conference with Mr Arnold without your knowlege. Will that -satisfy you? It does, answered my mother; for I think I can rely upon -your word. Sir George left us not very well satisfied with each other; -his pride and resentment piqued to the highest. I cannot censure him for -it here: he has cause; but the case is a nice and difficult one. The -gratification of a private spleen ought not to enter into the measures -he should pursue. Glad I am that my mother's properly-exerted resolution -has tamed him a little. Though George sometimes fails in the respect -which he owes her, yet I never knew him wilfully to disobey her -commands, or oppose her inclinations. 'Tis well there is any hold on a -disposition so ungentle and self-willed as his. - - - _November 18_ - -My brother has taken a very handsome house in Pall-mall, and told my -mother, between jest and earnest, he is going to give her a -daughter-in-law, to make up for the loss of her son-in-law. He is, in -reality, making his addresses to Lady Sarah P the daughter of a -new-created peer. She has a great fortune, he tells me; but I know -nothing more of her. I wish him better success in his nuptials (if they -take place) than I have had. - - - _November 20_ - -Mr Arnold is arrived in town: he came late last night, and his man -called this morning to enquire how I did. The poor fellow stole out -before his master was up; and was afraid of staying a minute, lest he -should be wanted at home. I called him up to the dining-room: I saw an -honest shame and sorrow in his countenance. How does your master do, -Frank, said I? Has he brought the children to town? No, madam, said he; -but they are pure and hearty. I believe my master thought it a pity to -bring them out of the fresh air, as long as Mrs Patty is there to look -after them. They are better where they are. I asked him, was Mr Arnold -come to town to make any stay? I believe for good and all, said he. This -ugly law-suit, to be sure, will detain him; but he is come _alone_, said -he, with an intelligent nod: I don't suppose though he will continue -long so. Well, Frank, said I, I am glad to hear your master and the -children are well. Ah, madam! shaking his head as he opened the door to -go out, it was a woeful day for us when you left South Park. God give -every one their reward! - - - _November 22_ - -I have not seen my brother these two days: he does not know, I believe, -that Mr Arnold is come to town; though, if he did, I am sure he will not -break his word; so that I am easy on that particular. My mother says she -will go to Mr Arnold herself, to _reason_ with him a little. I shall not -oppose it, though I have no hopes of her being able to effect any thing -in my favour: she is now laid up with a cold, and is not able to come -out of her room; but she pleases herself with the thought of this visit, -as soon as she is able to make it. She has planned what she intends to -say to him; and is resolved to let him into the whole history of Miss -Burchell, that he may know, she says, the full extent of Mrs Gerrarde's -wickedness; as what is there of which that woman is not capable, who -could set to sale the honour of an innocent, unsuspecting creature, left -to her guardianship? - - - _November 23_ - -Amazing, my dear Cecilia! I thought I should wonder no more at any -thing, yet is my wonder now raised to astonishment--I have just received -a letter from Lady V----. I have read it over and over again, and can -yet scarce believe my senses. Here it is in her own words. - - 'I suppose you know, my dear Mrs Arnold, that your husband is in - town; and that he left Mrs Gerrarde behind him for no other - reason, I imagine, but that he did not chuse to be quite so - scandalous as to let her travel with him; for we heard that she - purposed following him in a few days. Patty, I conclude, may have - informed you of thus much; but the extraordinary part of the - intelligence, I believe, is reserved for me to acquaint you with. - Know then that Mrs Gerrarde is eloped, no-body knows whither. - _Good_, you say; good, should _I_ say too; but for the conclusion - of my story. It is with Mr _Faulkland_ she is eloped: 'tis - positively true; she went off with him in triumph last night in - her own chariot, and neither of them have been heard of since. I - own I am so much confounded at this, I scarce know what I write. - - 'I am very glad, for your sake, that bad creature has quitted your - husband; but that she should have drawn my cousin Faulkland in, is - a matter of serious concern to me. It is evident the plan was - previously concerted between them; for I am informed to-day, that - Mrs Gerrarde's maid decamped at the same time, and took with her - every thing valuable belonging to her mistress, several of her - drawers being found open and empty. Mr Faulkland's servants have - also disappeared; so that we cannot conjecture which way they are - gone. - - 'Mr Faulkland, who was about leaving us, asked my permission to - give a ball to the neighbouring ladies in our new room, which is - just finished. As I concluded he would ask nobody but our own - acquaintances, I readily consented; and my lord, you know, is fond - of those frolics. I own I was surprized to see Mrs Gerrarde - amongst the company, as undaunted as the _modestest_ face there. I - would not however confront Mr Faulkland so much, as to shew any - disrespect to one, who was, at that time, _his_ guest; but I was - out of all patience to find that _she_, along with several others, - was asked to supper; my too-good-natured lord joining in the - invitation. Mr Faulkland made a pretence to wait on her home, and - the audacious creature took that opportunity to march off with - him. - - 'Now, as Faulkland really purposed leaving V---- hall the next day, - I think it would have been but decent in him to have forbore this - piece of barefaced libertinism, till he was fairly from under - _our_ roof. He might have made his assignation in any other place; - but, I suppose, the lady had a mind to shew the world she is above - restraint, and chose to make her infamy a sort of triumph. - - 'I am quite angry with my lord, for only laughing at this, and - calling it a piece of spirited gallantry in them both. He says, he - is delighted to think how your good man will shake his ears, when - he hears his mistress has left him in the lurch, and gone off with - another lover. I should smile too; but that it makes me sad to - think, that Mr Faulkland, of whom I had so good an opinion, should - so impose upon my judgment, and forfeit his own character, for so - vile a creature. - - 'Pardon me, my dear madam; I am so full of my own reflections, on - the interest _I_ take in this affair, that I have been forgetful - of how much more moment it may be to _you_. Heaven grant that your - husband may think of making himself amends, in returning to a - faithful and amiable wife, for the loss of a deceitful, jilting - mistress. Surely this event must open his eyes, or he deserves to - lose them. I hope to embrace you in London in a very little time; - till then, believe me, - - 'My dear Mrs Arnold, - 'Your most assured friend and servant, - _V---- hall, Nov. 12_ 'A.V.' - -Well, my Cecilia, what say you to this? Are you not as much surprized as -I am? Mr Faulkland to emerge at last the favoured gallant of Mrs -Gerrarde! Prodigious! I confess, my dear, I am so selfish as not to -participate with Lady V---- in her uneasiness on this occasion. That Mrs -Gerrarde flies from my husband, I am glad; and that Mr _Faulkland_ is -the very man she chose to fly with, I am still gladder: he, of all men -living, I would have wished (though least expected) to be the person. -This explains every thing that is passed. Surely, as Lady V---- says, -this _must_ open Mr Arnold's eyes. I can now discover a double reason -for my poor deluded man's having his imagination poisoned with jealousy. -Mrs Gerrarde did not aim singly at separating my husband and me: this, -perhaps, was but a secondary consideration; or who knows whether it was -at all intended? But she most certainly designed to secure herself -against all suspicions, by making me the object of them; and effectually -to blind Mr Arnold, persuaded him, that Mr Faulkland's visits, made to -her, were only in the hope of seeing me. - -Let her views have been what they would, this event was beyond my hopes. -Some glimmerings of comfort begin to break in upon me. Methinks my heart -feels much lighter than it did. How Sir George will stare at this -account! My mother will lift up her eyes; but she has no opinion of Mr -Faulkland's morals, and therefore will be the less surprized. I pity -Miss Burchell; this is an irremediable bar to her hopes; faint and -unsupported as they were before, they must now entirely vanish. - - - _November 24_ - -I gave you a copy of Lady V----'s letter, while the subject was warm at -my heart, and before I shewed it to any one; but my mother and my -brother have now both seen it. My mother (just as I expected), without -any great emotions of surprize, only exclaimed against their wickedness; -but said, she could not help rejoicing in it, as _I_, she hoped, would -derive happiness from their accumulated crimes. Sir George read the -letter twice over before he uttered a word; and then said, It was -_strange_; upon his soul, most unaccountable; and that either Faulkland -was run mad, or that woman had bewitched him. When he was with me, said -he, at Sidney Castle, he did not so much as mention her. I asked him, -whether he was acquainted with Mr Arnold (for I had written him word of -your marriage, when he was abroad)? He told me, he had seen both you and -him, two or three times, at Lord V----'s; but that as he did not wish to -renew his acquaintance with you, he had never visited your husband. I -presume he was not then a stranger to his connection with Mrs Gerrarde; -at least to the conjectures of the neighbourhood upon it: but as it was -then but a matter of opinion, and he knew not of the difference between -you and your husband, 'tis probable he did not chuse to disgust me more -against my brother-in-law, by hinting at this circumstance. He expressed -great acknowlegements to my mother, when I told him of the notice she -had taken of Miss Burchell; though, he said, he found (from my account -of your marriage) that she had deferred her conference with that young -lady, till it was too late for her testimony to be of any service to -him. As I knew nothing of what had passed between my mother and Miss -Burchell, I could give him no satisfaction on that subject; and the -recollection of past transactions being equally disagreeable to us both, -I avoided ever mentioning them after our first conversation; nor do I -remember that Mrs Gerrarde's name occurred once. - -My mother now began to exult over Sir George, and took advantage of the -surprize and consternation that Lady V----'s letter had thrown him into. -This is your boasted friend, said she; the man whose _honour_ and -_generosity_ were not to be questioned, and whose _utmost_ crime was a -youthful folly that he was surprized into with a silly girl. I am -pleased, however, that _this_ has proved I was not so grossly mistaken -in believing him a loose man. Mrs Gerrarde is the fittest mate for him, -and I am glad they are gone together. - -Sir George was too much mortified at the flagrant misconduct of his -friend to attempt excusing him: he contented himself with repeating, It -was the strangest thing he ever knew in his life. - -My mother then told him Mr Arnold was come to town; and that, as things -had taken such a turn, she hoped herself to be able to bring him to the -use of his judgment; and therefore thought it would not be at all -necessary for my brother to interfere. Sir George said, With all his -heart; if her ladyship should be able to patch up a reconciliation that -would save his sister's credit, and she could be so _extremely_ pliant -as to think of living with such a husband again, he should not give -himself any farther trouble about the matter; but, in _his_ opinion, the -affair wore a much odder aspect than it did before. I find Mr -Faulkland's behaviour sticks with him, and has a little cooled his zeal -towards him. - - - _November 25_ - -I have had a letter from Patty, who confirms my Lady V----'s account of -the lovers flight; and she tells me one of Mrs Gerrarde's servants is -gone off express to town; I suppose, to bring Mr Arnold the news: for -they are all in confusion at her house, and know not what is become of -their mistress; but they are certain she is gone with Mr Faulkland. -Patty adds, The servants believe this scheme had long been concerted, Mr -Faulkland having been a private visitor to their mistress for a good -while. - -I must confess I am astonished at it: it has sunk the man extremely in -my opinion. - - - _November 26_ - -Miss Burchell has just been here. Poor creature, she is quite stunned -with the news: she could scarce believe it at first, till my mother -desired I would shew her Lady V----'s letter, and Patty's, which -corroborated all she said. She then gave way to tears and lamentations; -saying, That cruel woman was born to be the destruction of every-body -she had any connection with. _I_ have found it so; _you_, madam (to me), -have done so too; Mr Arnold, I believe, has been a great sufferer; Mr -Faulkland is _now_ her victim. Inconsiderate and barbarous as he is, I -grieve for him. - - - _November 30_ - -I have heard nothing of Mr Arnold. Indeed it is hardly possible that I -should: we are shut up here from all commerce with the world. My -mother's illness has confined her to her bed-chamber; we admit no -visitors, and I never leave her. I long to know how he takes the -ingratitude of his mistress; but I see nobody who converses with him. My -brother and Miss Burchell are the only people we see. The latter is -pretty often with us; as for Sir George, he only looks in upon us now -and then, and we all seem in an aukward situation. I wish my mother were -well enough to call on Mr Arnold: I am very anxious to know what his -sentiments are; at least in regard to Mrs Gerrarde. - - - _December 6_ - -I have been almost asleep, my dear Cecilia, for this week past; but I -have been rouzed this morning in a most extraordinary manner. Sir George -called on us; he ran up stairs in a violent hurry; and had a -countenance, when he entered the room, that spoke wonders before he -opened his mouth. He hardly gave himself time to ask me how I did -(though he had not seen me for three days), before he took a bundle of -papers out of his pocket, which he gave me. 'Tis from Faulkland, said -he, and may be worth your knowlege. Upon opening the cover, I found it -contained, at least, four sheets of paper, written on every side. Bless -me, brother, said I, do you expect I should take the trouble to read all -this? He answered, You may read it at your leisure: you will find it -will pay you for the mighty trouble of a perusal. Sir George left me -presently; and having read this extraordinary letter to myself, for I -happened to be in my own room when my brother came to me, I sate me down -to give you a copy of it. My mother, who coughed almost the whole night, -is now endeavouring to get a little sleep; so that I will scribble on as -fast as I can, while I have no interruption. - - _Boulogne, Nov. 30, 1704._ - -My dear Bidulph, - -I am in haste to vindicate myself to you, but in much more haste to do -so to Mrs Arnold; who, if she bestows a thought at all on me, must, I am -sure, hold me in the utmost contempt; and great reason would she have, -if things were always as they appear. Methinks I see her beautiful scorn -at hearing I had carried off Mrs Gerrarde. What a paltry fellow _you_ -must think me too. And yet I _have_ carried her off, and she is now in -my possession, not displeased with her situation; and I might, if I -would, be as happy as Mrs Gerrarde can make me: but I assure you, Sir -George, I have no designs but what are for the good both of her soul and -body; and I have hitherto treated her like a vestal. What a paradox is -here, say you? But have patience till I tell you the story of my -knight-errantry. - -You are to know then, that as Arnold's amour with Mrs Gerrarde was no -secret at V---- hall, from the moment I heard it, I meditated a design -of breaking the detestable union; not out of regard either to him or -her, but in hopes of restoring, to the most amiable of women, a besotted -husband's heart, which nothing but downright magic, infernal witchcraft, -could have robbed her of. The woman is handsome, 'tis true; but she is a -silly toad, and as fantastic as an ape. I had formed this design, I say, -from the first notice I had of the intrigue; and, in consequence of -this, resolved to renew my acquaintance with Mrs Gerrarde: for I had -_known_ her before; known her to my cost. She it was, this identical -devil, whom I have now in my power, that was the cause of Miss -Burchell's misfortune; and therefore the remote cause of my losing Miss -Bidulph. Had it not been for her, I should never have had the fall of -that unhappy girl to answer for. _I_ should not, I say (mark that); for -the mercenary witch was determined to sell her to somebody, when my ill -stars threw me in her way. I do not rank this affair in the number of -capital crimes; and yet I never think of it without a pang. If half of -my fortune would retrieve the girl's peace of mind, I would give it -freely: but it is past now, and cannot be helped. She had the good -fortune never to be suspected; and, if she keeps her own council, -probably never will. If I die a bachelor (as I believe I shall), I will -leave her my whole fortune. What can a man do more? - -How I ramble from my subject! I meant only to tell you what my design -was in carrying off Mrs Gerrarde. In order to effect it, as I said -before, it was necessary for me to renew my acquaintance with her; and -accordingly I put on a bold face, and made her a visit. She was not -surprized at this, our former intimacy giving me a sufficient pretence -for it. She received me with a pleased familiarity, which convinced me -my company was far from being disagreeable to her; and I am sure, had my -views been other than they were, I should have met with as kind a -reception as my heart could have wished; for she certainly thought of -retaining me in her service unknown to Arnold. I was soon aware of this; -for, though she often desired to see me, she always contrived it at -such times, as she was sure of not being surprized by him. This was, in -some measure, meeting my purpose halfway; but though I wanted to -disengage her from Arnold, I did not mean to sacrifice myself to her; -and our views, in the material point, were very different: mine were -only to part her from her gallant; her's were to share her favours -between us: for she did not intend to let go her hold on him; and I -believe my backwardness, in pushing my good fortune, began to disgust -her; but the time for carrying my plan into execution was not yet -arrived; it could not be till Arnold's departure from South-Park. I -meant to carry Mrs Gerrarde away with the appearance of her own consent; -and I knew this was impossible, whilst her lover remained so near her. I -had formed but a rough sketch of my plan when I received your letter, -which summoned me to Sidney-Castle; and I resolved not to apprize you of -it, till my enterprize was crowned with success; more especially as you -were then quite ignorant of your sister's wrongs. - -On my return from visiting you, the first news I heard at V---- hall -was, that Mr Arnold and his lady were parted. I curst my own -dilatoriness, that I had not executed my plan before things were brought -to such extremities; for I well knew it was that artful fiend who had -occasioned it, though I then little thought how fatally _I_ had -contributed towards the misfortune of the ever-amiable and -most-respectable of women. - -Lady V---- told me, that your sister, having discovered her husband's -infidelity, had left him on that account; but my lord soon let me into -the whole secret. Oh! Sir George, that angel, who deserved the first -monarch in the universe, to be cast off by an undiscerning dolt! and -_I_, though innocently, the accursed cause. I cannot think with patience -of what the divine creature has suffered on my account; but was it not -all, from the beginning, owing to Mrs Gerrarde, that avenging fury, sent -on earth as a scourge for the sins of me and of my ancestors?--I -rave--but no wonder--I am mad upon this subject.--But to return: I then -recollected, that the day before I set out for Sidney Castle, I received -a message from Mrs Gerrarde in the morning, desiring my company to drink -coffee with her that evening. I obeyed the summons, little expecting to -meet Mrs Arnold at her house, whom I had never seen there before. The -effect my presence had on her extremely surprized me: she presently -quitted the room. Mrs Gerrarde took that opportunity of telling me, that -she had dropped in on her very unexpectedly; but, as she supposed she -would go directly away, we should have an hour to chat by ourselves. She -then followed your sister out, and I remained alone in the parlour. -Whilst I was reflecting on this odd encounter, which I did not then -imagine had been brought about by design, Mrs Gerrarde came in to me, -saying, your sister was so ill she was under a necessity of accompanying -her home, and had ordered her chariot for that purpose: she made an -apology for being obliged to leave me, and said she should be glad to -see me the next day. I took my leave, and in going out saw Mr Arnold at -the door, which I judged was the true reason of Mrs Gerrarde's -dismissing me. - -I set out for Wiltshire the next morning; and though there was something -odd in the whole of this incident, I believed it was owing to chance -alone, and thought no more of it; till, upon my Lord V----'s telling me -the true cause of your sister's disgrace, I found that this serpent had -laid the whole plan on purpose to destroy her. You see (for to be sure -you know all the particulars) how she seduced the innocent Mrs Arnold -into this fatal visit, having first engaged me to come at the very point -of time when she knew the husband would surprize us; for _his_ coming, -you may be satisfied, was not unexpected. - -I own to you, Sir George, in the first motions of my rage, I could have -stabbed Arnold, Mrs Gerrarde, and myself; but my Lord V---- calmed my -transports, by telling me, that it was your sister's earnest request -that this detestable secret should be kept from my knowlege; and that -Lady V----, who had intrusted him with it, would never forgive him, if -she knew he had divulged it. This reflection brought me back to my -senses, and I burned with impatience to execute my first plan, which Mrs -Gerrarde's repeated crimes now called upon me to accelerate. I -communicated my design to Lord V----, who was delighted with it; for he -perfectly adores your sister. This, said he, though not such a vengeance -as that wicked woman deserves, must in the end be productive of what you -wish, and Mrs Arnold may be restored to her peace, without injury to her -character, or mischief to any-body. - -Having settled my measures with Lord V----, I went to pay a visit to Mrs -Gerrarde. The cockatrice affected to speak with surprize and concern of -your sister's separation from her husband. I asked her, had she, who was -so intimate with both, heard any reason assigned for it? She shook her -head, and by a pretended sorrow in her looks, and a mysterious silence, -invited me to press for an explanation of her meaning. She told me at -length, with a seeming reluctance, that 'poor Mrs Arnold, though to be -sure she was a sensible woman, was not without the little frailties and -passions of her sex; and that, _astonishing_ and _groundless_ as her -suspicions were, she had taken it into her head to be jealous of Mr -Arnold; and with whom do you think, of all people, she suspects him?' I -cannot imagine, said I. Why truly with _me_, replied the undaunted -Jezebel, and looked as if she expected _I_ should be as much amazed as -she pretended to be. I affected to laugh at it; and changing the -discourse, put an end to my visit. - -The measures I had to observe required some management. It would not -answer the full extent of my purpose to rob Mr Arnold of his dear, if it -did not appear at the same time that she had left him with her own -consent. To bring about this, it was necessary that the flight on her -part should seem premeditated; which would not carry any face, unless -she took with her such of her moveables as were most valuable. This I -knew could not be done without the assistance of her maid, whom I -therefore not only resolved to trust, but also to make her a partner in -her mistress's elopement. - -Having settled thus much of the plan in my own mind, I began my -operations, by making the maid presents every time I visited the -mistress; and I took care to give those visits as much the air of an -amour as I possibly could. I dare swear the girl thought Mrs Gerrarde -and I were upon the best terms imaginable. I affected to come at such -hours as I was sure Mrs Gerrarde was alone; I always made my visits -short, as if through fear of being surprized with her; and went so far -as to leave my chariot (when I came in it) at a distance from the house, -and walked to it alone, with the caution of one fearful of being -observed. It was a matter of indifference to me whether Mrs Gerrarde -knew of this or not; my business was only to excite suspicions of an -intrigue amongst her servants, in order to answer a future purpose: but -if she were to know with what extreme precaution I visited her, my -prudence could not but be very agreeable to her: she had her measures to -observe as well as myself. As it was of consequence to her to conceal -our acquaintance from Arnold's knowlege, she must necessarily be pleased -at the pains I took (without her laying herself open in making the -request) to conceal it from him; and she saw I was as careful as she -could wish never to interfere with him. - -In short, we carried on a private intercourse, that, if it could not be -called gallantry, was something very like it; for I amused, -complimented, and flattered her so agreeably, that I believe she began -to think herself sure of me, and wondered I did not make a better use of -the favourable disposition she was in towards me; but I trifled with -such dexterity, that even she, with all the cunning she is mistress of, -could not possibly fathom my design. - -Having thus laid the foundation of my plot, I made no doubt of being -able to execute it, with my Lord V----'s assistance: he was in raptures -at the thought of our enterprize, and swore he would never have forgiven -me, if I had not allowed him a share in it. He said, I would give my -right-hand to make Mrs Arnold happy; adding, besides it will save her -husband from destruction; for, to my knowlege, that woman has already -almost ruined his fortune. - -I asked him, might we venture to let my lady into the secret? He said, -by no means; my lady was too squeamish to be trusted with such a notable -exploit; but, when the affair was over, he would take upon him to excuse -me to her, after he had diverted himself a little with her surprize. - -I fretted to death at Arnold's staying so long in the country, as it -delayed my enterprize. There was one circumstance indeed that a little -compensated for this vexation; and that was, that my long stay at V---- -hall, which could be no secret to him, though he dropped visiting there -on purpose to avoid me, might in some measure help to efface his -injurious suspicions with regard to his lady and me; besides, it gave -the better colour to my other designs. - -At last the long-sought-for opportunity arrived. Arnold was obliged to -go to London on his law-affairs. I took care to inform myself of the day -from Mrs Gerrarde's maid; and learnt at the same time that her mistress -purposed going to town in a week after; for she still endeavoured to -save appearances, and dared to the last to pretend to reputation. I -proposed giving a ball, to take my leave of the ladies, on the night -subsequent to the day fixed for Arnold's departure from South-Park. My -lord, almost as anxious for the event as myself, immediately dispatched -invitations all over the neighbourhood: there was not a person of any -fashion left unasked. Mr Arnold and Mrs Gerrarde, you may be sure, were -not forgot. From the former, as we expected, we received a civil -apology; from the latter, a message that she would be sure to come. - -This was at the distance of eight days from the appointed time. In the -interim, I continued to visit Mrs Gerrarde as usual, and took care to -bespeak her for a partner. Arnold went to town as opportunely as we -could wish. I called on Mrs Gerrarde the same morning; and having my -lord's permission for it, engaged her to come early enough to drink tea, -as there were a good many more ladies invited for the same purpose; and, -at going away, I dropped a few mysterious hints to her maid. - -In the evening there was a very large company met at V---- hall; and -having concerted my whole plan, when the ladies were engaged at the -tea-table, I slipped out, mounted my horse, and rode to Mrs Gerrarde's -house. I desired to see her maid; and, taking her aside, told her not to -be surprized; but that her lady was to go off with me that night: that -the thing had, for certain reasons, not been determined on till that -very evening: that I had just snatched a minute to desire her to get all -her ladies trinkets together, and whatever money and bills she might -have in her escruitore. In order to this, I gave her a parcel of small -keys, which I had carried in my pocket for the purpose; and bid her hold -herself in readiness against seven o'clock, when a person should call on -her, who would conduct her to a place where she should find her lady and -me. - -I needed no arguments to persuade the girl; the thing appeared plausible -enough: she was fully convinced of the intimacy between her mistress and -me; and knowing her too well to have a doubt of her baseness, she -concluded I acted by Mrs Gerrarde's directions, and promised punctually -to obey them. She said, she could easily carry away in the dark as many -things as she could conveniently carry; and, to avoid observation from -the rest of the servants, she would wait at a cottage hard by, which she -named to me, till her conductor arrived. - -Whether any of the keys I gave her would fit the locks or not, I was not -much concerned; if they did not, I concluded she would think her -mistress had made a mistake; and that she would force them open, rather -than fail. Having settled this material point, I got back to my Lord -V----'s, without having been missed by the company. - -Our ball was very well conducted; I danced with Mrs Gerrarde, and we -passed a very agreeable evening. We supped at twelve, and she had -ordered her chariot to come a little after that hour; but I had given my -fellows their cue. As the dancing was not renewed, the company broke up -between one and two. Mrs Gerrarde was one of the first that offered to -go; but as her servants were not to be found, she was detained till -every-body else had taken their leave. At length her coachman and -footman were found in the cellar, with one of my mean, all so drunk that -they were not able to stand. Her servants were really so, and mine -counterfeited so well, there was no discovering the cheat. In this -emergency, nothing was more natural than the offering my servants to -attend her home, and of course to wait on her myself to see her safe. -She readily accepted the first offer, but declined the other. This was -easily got over; I handed her into her chariot, and stepped in after -her. Our route was settled: we drove from my Lord V----'s door; and -turning short from the road that led to Mrs Gerrarde's house, we struck -down a lane which was to carry us by cross-roads to our first destined -stage, which was at the distance of seven miles. This was no other than -a poor gardener's house, to which place two of my emissaries had been -dispatched that day to wait our coming, with a travelling chariot, and -four stout horses. I had taken care, according to promise, to send a -trusty groom for the maid, with a boy to carry her luggage. They were -both well mounted, and had orders to carry her to an inn on the road to -Rochester, and within about a mile of the town. This inn was kept by a -fellow, who had formerly been my servant; I had placed him there, and he -was intirely at my devotion. He had already received his instructions, -and his house was to be our second stage. I concluded the maid had -arrived there long before us, having had six or seven hours the start of -us, and the place was not more than twenty miles from her own house. - -Mrs Gerrarde was not immediately aware of our going out of the road; she -was in high spirits, and I kept her in chat. As soon as she perceived -it, she cried out, with some surprize, Lord, Mr Faulkland! where is the -fellow carrying us? He has missed his way. She called to him; but the -coachman, who had orders not to stop unless I spoke to him, only drove -the faster. Pray do call to him, said she; the wretch has certainly got -drunk with the rest of the servants. I told her there was no possibility -of turning in the narrow road in which we then were: that when we got -out of it, I would speak to the coachman; and begged of her, in the mean -while, not to be frightened. The lane was a very long one, but our rapid -wheels soon carried us to the end of it, where I had appointed Pivet and -one of my footmen to meet us on horseback. I had another servant behind -the chariot, whom I purposed to send back with it in the morning. - -At the sight of two horsemen, who were apparently waiting for us, she -screamed out, Oh! the villain; he has brought us here to be robbed. She -had a good many jewels on her; and, to say the truth, had some reason -for her fears. The chariot had now got on a good open road, and the -horses rather flew than galloped. The two horsemen joined us, and kept -up with us at full speed. I saw she was heartily frightened, and thought -it time to undeceive her. I was not ill-natured enough to keep her -longer under the apprehensions of highwaymen, and thought she would be -less shocked at finding there was a design upon her person, than on her -diamond ear-rings. Now, said I, taking one of her hands with rather more -freedom than respect, since we are out of all danger of discovery, or -any possibility of pursuit, I will tell you a secret; and I spoke with -an easy assured tone. She drew her hand away. What do you mean, Sir? -Nothing, madam, but to have the pleasure of your company in a little -trip I am going to take: believe me, you are not in the least danger; -you are under my protection; those are my servants that you see riding -with us; and you may judge of the value I set upon you, by the pains I -have taken to get you into my possession. Lord, Mr Faulkland! why sure -you can't be serious! Never more so in my life, madam; I have long had a -design upon you; but your connection with Mr Arnold--_My_ connection -with Mr Arnold, Sir! interrupting me; I don't understand you!--Come, -come, Mrs Gerrarde; you and I are old acquaintance, you know; 'tis no -time for dissembling. He has been a happy man long enough: 'tis time for -a woman of your spirit to be tired of him; especially as I think I may -say, without vanity, you do not change for the worse in falling into my -hands. The lady had now recovered her courage; she was no longer in -fears of being robbed, and her spirits returned. You audacious creature! -how dare you treat me thus? Have you the assurance to insinuate that -there was any thing criminal in my attachment to Mr Arnold and his -family? My dear madam, I accuse you of no attachment to any of his -family; he himself was the only-favoured person--Sure there never was -such an impertinent wretch!--But I know the author of this scandal: it -was Mrs ---- (and she dared to prophane your sister's honoured name); -but I despise her; and Mr Arnold shall soon know how I have been -affronted; and she fell a crying.--My dear Mrs Gerrarde, I beg your -pardon; I did not mean to offend you: if Mr Arnold admired you, he did -no more than what every man does who sees you. I beseech you to compose -yourself; by all that is good, I mean you no harm: be calm, I conjure -you, and don't spoil the prettiest face in England with crying. A -daring, provoking creature, she sobbed; what could put such an attempt -as this in your head? and to what place are you carrying me? Only to -France, my dear creature? have you have been there? To France! to -France! she exclaimed; and do you dare to think you shall carry me -there? Oh! you'll like it of all things, said I, when you get -there--What do you think her reply was: Why, neither more nor less than -a good box on the ear. I catched hold of her hand, and kissed it: you -charming vixen, how I admire you for your spirit! She endeavoured to -wrest her hand from me; but I held them both fast, for fear of another -blow. Base, insolent, ravisher, villain! As she rose in her epithets, I -replied with, lovely, charming, adorable, tender, gentle creature--She -cried again; but they were spiteful tears, and did not create in me the -least touch of that pity, which, on any other occasion, they might have -moved me to. - -I was glad our altercations had a short truce, by the chariot's stopping -at the gardener's cottage, where I had ordered my equipage to wait. All -the family were in bed but the man's wife, who came curt'sying to the -door. I led, or rather lifted, Mrs Gerrarde out of the chariot; for she -would not give me her hand; and begging she would repose herself for a -few minutes, whilst I gave orders to my servants, put her into the good -woman's hands. She went sullenly in, without making me any answer: and -seeing nobody but the old woman, she was convinced that complaints, or -an attempt to escape, would be equally fruitless, and so prudently -acquiesced. I soon dispatched my orders: I made the footman, who came -behind the chariot, mount the box, and directed him to drive to an inn -in the next village to Mrs Gerrarde's house, and from thence to send it -home by some one who did not know to whom he belonged. I then ordered my -own equipage to the door; and entering the cottage, told the lady I was -ready to attend her. The old woman presently vanished; so that seeing -nobody to apply to, she suffered me very quietly to put her into my -chariot, and I placed myself by her. It was made on purpose for -travelling, and I took care to have nothing but wooden windows; to which -I had the precaution to add a couple of spring-locks, which shut on -drawing up, and were not without difficulty to be opened. One of the -windows was already up, and I flurted up the other as soon as I got into -the coach. It was a fine moon-light morning, the postilion cracked his -whip, and, though the roads were deep and dirty, the four horses darted -away like lightning. - -I believe, madam, said I, you are by this time convinced that my scheme -is too well laid to be baffled by any efforts you can make. I mean to -treat you with due respect, and beg you will use me with a little more -gentleness than you have done; that is all the favour I shall ask in -return, till you yourself are disposed to shew me more. - -You are the most amazing creature, said she, that ever breathed! What is -the meaning that, in the whole course of our acquaintance, your -behaviour never gave me room to believe that you were serious in your -designs on me, and now at once you souse upon your prey like a hawk? -I'll answer you in two words, said I. When we first met, you had a -husband; since the renewal of our acquaintance (you'll pardon me), it -was no secret that you had a favoured lover in Mr Arnold: I am not of a -temper to solicit a lady by stealth, and I would not give a pinch of -snuff for the woman who is not intirely at my disposal. Your attachments -to Arnold forbad this, and I was determined to have you all to myself. -My attachments to Mr Arnold! cried she, impudently, again. Ay, said I, -coolly, it began to be talked of so openly, that your reputation was -mangled at every tea-table in the country; and had you staid much longer -there, you would have found yourself deserted by every female of -character that knew you. Mr Arnold's parting with his wife, was by -every-body charged to your account; and as she is reckoned a very _good -sort_ of a woman (was not that a pretty phrase?), every one took her -part, and were not sparing in their invectives against you. Add to all -this, that Arnold has certainly run out his fortune, and is so involved -that it will not be possible for him long to make those returns of -generosity which your merit deserves.--You and I have been acquainted -long; I am no stranger to your circumstances; I know, at Captain -Gerrarde's death, your pension as his widow, and the very small jointure -at Ashby, was the whole of your income. Arnold's love, it is apparent, -has hitherto been bountiful; how long it could be in his power to -continue it so, may be a question worth your considering. - -I found I had mortified her pride, by mentioning the narrowness of her -circumstances, and the demolition of her character. If all you say -_were_ true, Sir, which is far from being the case (with a toss of her -head), you will find it no very easy matter to make me amends for what I -shall perhaps lose for ever by this violence of yours, notwithstanding -the _smallness_ of my income, which you seem so well informed of. I have -a considerable sum of money, and some valuable jewels, lying by me, of -which my servants may very probably rob me. I assured her, upon my -honour, I would make good to her every thing she should lose through my -means, and would take care her situation should never be upon the same -precarious footing which it had been. I did not chuse to mention the -circumstance of my having secured her maid and her money too; I reserved -that for an agreeable surprize. I had measures to observe; I did not -want to be on good terms with her too soon for obvious reasons, as -nothing was farther from my heart than a thought of gallantry. - -For this purpose, I assumed a more distant behaviour, and affected to -shew her something like respect. I did not drop the least hint of my -knowing that Mr Arnold had made his lady uneasy on my account, much less -that I suspected her for the wicked contriver of that mischief. I -deferred the discussing of this point till a more favourable opportunity -should offer, when it would be in my power to make a better use of it. - -My design was by degrees to make her satisfied enough with her -situation, not to wish to return to Arnold. When I had once brought her -to this, I judged it would not be difficult to carry her still farther, -to the point I aimed at; and that was, to write a letter to him of my -dictating. You will think this was a strange expectation, and yet it was -what I resolved to accomplish. I knew the turn of the mind I had to deal -with: bring a woman of this sort into good-humour, and it is easy to -wheedle her into compliance. She has no solid understanding; but -possesses, in the place of it, a sort of flashy wit, that imposes on -common hearers, and makes her pass for what is called clever. With a -great deal of vanity, and an affectation of tenderness, which covers the -most termagant spirit that ever animated a female breast, her ruling and -governing passion is avarice; and yet, strange to tell! generosity is of -all things what she professes to admire, and is most studious of having -thought her characteristic. Her pretensions to this virtue I have -opposed to her vice of avarice, as the terms appropriated to each seem -most contrary in their natures; yet I do not mean by generosity, that -bounteous disposition which is commonly understood by the word: no, no; -she aimed at the reputation of this virtue in our most exalted idea of -it, and would fain be thought a woman of a _great soul_. This phrase was -often in her mouth; and though her whole conduct gave the lye to her -professions, she would tell you fifty stories, without a word of truth -in any of them, to prove how nobly she had acted on such and such -occasions. On the knowlege of this part of her temper, I chiefly built -my hopes of success. - -I kept up a sort of forced conversation during the rest of our journey. -She was sullen, but not rude. As I was far from desiring to come to an -eclaircissement with her, I did not wish to have her in better temper. - -We reached the inn, which was about a mile on our side of Rochester, at -eight o'clock in the morning. This was a favourable hour, as by that -time every traveller must have left the stages they lay at. The house -stood alone, and luckily enough had no company in it. My old servant, -Lamb, had received my instructions by letter, and was prepared -accordingly for our reception. This was the place to which I had ordered -the maid to be carried; she had arrived there some time before us, and -was safely lodged. - -The chariot drove into the court-yard close to the door of the inn; the -step was let down in an instant, and Mrs Lamb appeared to receive us. We -both darted into the house. Dressed as we were for a ball, we made an -odd appearance as travellers at that hour of the morning. I believe this -consideration made Mrs Gerrarde very readily hurry upstairs with the -woman of the house. - -I enquired for Mrs Gerrarde's maid, having given orders to Lamb that she -should not been seen till I first spoke to her. I was carried into the -room where she was: she seemed very glad that we were arrived. I desired -her to lay out her lady's toilet, which I concluded she had brought with -her; for that Mrs Gerrarde would presently put herself in a proper habit -for travelling. The maid told me she had brought her mistress's -riding-dress with her, and as many other things of her wearing apparel -as she could conveniently carry. I saw a vast heap of things lying -unpacked on a bed which was in the room, and asked her how she had -managed so cleverly as to get such a number of things together without -observation. She told me she had lost no time, from the minute I left -her, till the arrival of her guide; but had employed the interval in -carrying out some of the best of her lady's cloaths piece by piece, and -conveying them to the cottage, which she could easily do without the -servants seeing her; for as it was dark, she passed in and out without -observation. Here she huddled them into a large portmanteau. After this -she went to examine her lady's escruitore; but was a long time puzzled -in endeavouring to open it, as none of the keys I had given her -answered. She endeavoured to force it open with as little noise as -possible, but in vain. She then had recourse to a second trial of the -keys, when one of them, which probably had been passed by before, -luckily opened the lock; and she secured all the money and jewels she -could find. These, said she, kept me in continual dread all the way as I -travelled; for I have eight hundred pounds in bank notes; and though my -lady has such a quantity of jewels on her, I am sure I have as many more -about me, which I have hid in different parts of my cloaths. - -I commended the girl's diligence, as indeed it deserved; and having -before ordered tea and coffee into Mrs Gerrarde's room, I now went in to -breakfast with her. I found the woman of the house still with her, at -which I was not at all uneasy; for as she had been tutored by her -husband, I knew she was not to be wrought upon, if Mrs Gerrarde had -attempted it. - -As I did not at that time desire a _tête à tête_ with her, I contrived -to keep Mrs Lamb in the room, by desiring her to drink tea with us. - -When we had done breakfast, I told Mrs Gerrarde, that as I feared she -was a good deal fatigued, if it was agreeable to her, we would remain -where we were for that day; and that I would by all means have her think -of taking some rest. She said she was extremely tired, and should like -to get a little sleep. I think, madam, you had better go to bed, said -Mrs Lamb; I have a very quiet chamber ready, where no noise in the house -can disturb you. Shew me to it, answered Mrs Gerrarde, with a tone of -weariness and ill-humour. The woman obeyed; I followed: she carried her -to the door of the room where the maid was, and throwing it open, Mrs -Gerrarde, who supposed she was attending her, went in: I stepped in -after her; Mrs Lamb withdrew. - -Mrs Gerrarde's astonishment at the sight of her maid, is past -description. Rachael! in a tone of admiration. Rachael, who did not -think there was any thing unexpected or extraordinary in their meeting, -quite at a loss to guess at what her mistress wondered, answered her in -her turn with some surprize. Madam! and waited, expecting she would give -her some orders; which finding the lady did not, the maid asked her, -very composedly, Would she please to undress? I hope, Madam, said I, -stepping forward, that Mrs Rachael has taken care to bring you every -thing you may have occasion for; I shall leave you in her hands, and -wish you a good repose. Strange, astonishing creature! said Mrs -Gerrarde, looking at me with less anger than surprize. I bowed, and left -the room. - -I ordered Mrs Lamb to have an eye to my prisoners; and heartily tired as -I was, between dancing and travelling, I undressed and threw myself into -bed. I slept till six o'clock in the evening; then rose, and put myself -into a habit fitter for my journey than that in which I came; and which -I had sent in a post-trunk before me, by the messenger whom I had -employed to apprize Lamb of my coming. - -Mrs Gerrarde was not yet stirring. I called for Rachael, and asked her -how she had come off with her lady, upon telling her the manner of her -falling into my snare. Rachael told me her lady wondered mightily at my -art, and said I was the _strangest gentleman_ that ever was born. My -friend Rachael softened the expression I fancy; I am sure Mrs Gerrarde -did not call me a strange _gentleman_. She said her mistress smiled two -or three times at her relation, particularly at my giving her the keys. -I found, upon the whole, that my conduct in securing to her her money -and her jewels, together with the attendance of her maid, had a good -deal appeased her resentment. - -Mrs Gerrarde did not rise till near eight o'clock. I had ordered as -elegant a dinner as the house could afford; and the lady having put -herself into a genteel dishabille, with great alacrity sat down to -table, and did not appear to have fretted away her appetite. I would -suffer no one to attend but Rachael. I told Mrs Gerrarde that I purposed -setting out for Dover that night, and that as it could not be supposed -her maid should be able to ride so far, and that a second carriage with -four horses (as less might not be able to keep pace with us) would be -liable to observation, I would, if she pleased, resign my place in the -chariot to Mrs Rachael, and attend her myself on horseback. She answered -me coldly. Since she _must_ go, it was indifferent to her who was to be -her companion. Though the motive I offered for this manner of travelling -was not without its weight, yet my true reason was to avoid being boxed -up so long again with Mrs Gerrarde. My time was not yet come for -explanations, and I was afraid of being upon good terms with her too -soon. - -The remainder of the evening was spent by her and her maid in carefully -packing up their baggage, which had been brought in a confused huddle to -the inn. Mrs Gerrarde had a convenient trunk bought at Rochester for the -purpose, and assisted herself in laying them up safely. - -She equipped herself in a smart riding-dress, and at eleven o'clock, -without any great reluctance, permitted me to put her and her maid into -the chariot. The inn had no company in it, at least that we saw; and our -host was too discreet to let any of his servants be in the way. I -mounted my horse, and triumphantly galloped off with my prize. - -We reached Dover early next morning, and immediately got on board the -packet. The lady by this time appeared so perfectly serene, that I -believe in my soul I should not have got rid of her, if I had desired -her to have gone back again; but she had assumed a new air, and -affected a fine tender melancholy in her countenance. I guessed at her -thoughts, and found afterwards my conjecture right. Will you believe me, -Sir George, when I tell you the baggage had formed serious _honourable -designs_ upon my person? Fact, upon my word. I saw it presently (you -know my knack of reading people's minds in their faces), and was not -sorry for the discovery; for though I determined not on any account to -encourage such a wild expectation, yet I intended to make a _discreet_ -use of it; besides, I knew it would afford me a handle for keeping a -_respectful_ distance. - -We landed next evening. She had been very sick at sea, and continued so -much out of order, that she was put to bed as soon as we got to the inn. -She ordered her maid not to stir from her; the very thing I wished; so -that I had nothing to do but to be very troublesome in my enquiries -after her health, and very sorry for her indisposition. - -The next morning however set all to rights; and after congratulating her -on her recovery, and the revival of her beauty, I told her I meant to -carry her to Boulogne, whither I had sent Pivet the night before to take -lodgings for us, in a private house which he knew. I found that neither -Mrs Gerrarde nor her maid spoke French; a circumstance I was very glad -of, though the former bitterly lamented her having _forgot_ it. She made -not the least objection to the travelling from Calais to Boulogne, as -she had done before: her late indisposition gave me a pretence for -insisting on Rachael's attending her in the chariot. - -The lodgings Pivet had taken were very handsome; our apartments were on -the same floor, separated only by a lobby. Mrs Rachael had a little bed -fitted up for her by my directions in her lady's dressing-room. Thus far -I had sailed before the wind; but now came the difficult part of my -task. It was impossible for Mrs Gerrarde to conceive that any thing, but -down-right love for her person, could have induced me to do what I had -done. I had actually run away with her, put myself to some hazard, and, -what in her estimation was no small matter, some expence too. No other -motive had appeared in all my conduct towards her; and tho' I had not -absolutely made love to her, yet what other construction could my -actions bear? for my words, to say the truth, were equivocal. She must -necessarily have concluded that I had no other view but a piece of -gallantry with her. Her designs on me were of a much more serious -nature; and her vanity made her imagine, that, notwithstanding my -thorough knowledge of her character, her cunning, joined to my passion, -might lead me into her snare. - -Now, I had two nice points to consider of, and two difficulties to -surmount. The first was, not, by any part of my conduct, to carry the -deception so far as to give her the least room to hope I could be mad -enough to marry her. This, bad as _she_ is, and extravagant as _I_ am, I -could not think of doing, even to gain my favourite point. The other -was, to keep up such an appearance of gallantry towards her as she must -naturally expect, and at the same time avoid all approaches which -usually forerun the catastrophe of an amour; than which nothing was more -repugnant to my wishes. - -To steer between these two extremes was the difficult task, particularly -the latter; for, between ourselves, I began to be much more afraid of -her than she was of me. I knew it would be impossible for me to keep up -the farce long; the sooner it was over the better; and therefore I -determined to enter on my part directly. - -I had been ruminating on my project all the way as I rode. When we -arrived at Boulogne, I found myself a little out of order, having caught -cold; and as I was really somewhat feverish, a thought started into my -head, that this illness might aid me in my design. When we came to our -lodgings, I made my excuses to Mrs Gerrarde for not being able to attend -her: I told her I found myself ill, and must be obliged to go to bed. -She said she was _very sorry_, and perhaps she spoke truth. - -I left her in possession of her new apartment with her maid Rachael. -Their being strangers to the language of the country cut off all -communication with the people of the house, who could not speak English. -I introduced Pivet to them, whom they had never seen before (for he had -taken particular care to keep out of their view during the whole -journey), as a gentleman who was to be their interpreter; and having -thus settled my household, I retired to my bed-chamber. - -Not well, nor sick enough to go to bed, I threw myself however down on -it; and after revolving in my mind all the occurrences of the three or -four past days, I started up again, sat down to my desk, and have given -you, my Bidulph, a faithful narrative of my proceedings down to the -present period of time, being November 20, eight o'clock in the evening. - -You may soon expect to have the second part of this my delectable -history; 'Shewing how Orlando, not being able to prevail, with all his -eloquence, on the as fair and beautiful, as fierce and inexorable, -Princess Gerrardina, to put the finishing hand to his adventures and -most wonderful exploits, did, his wrath being moved thereby, like an -ungentle knight, bury his sword in her snow-white, but savage and -unrelenting breast; whereat, being stung with remorse, he afterwards -kills himself.' - -Would not this be a pretty conclusion of my adventures? No, no, Sir -George, expect better things from thy friend. I hope my knight-errantry -will not end so tragically. But hasten to make my peace with that -gracious creature your sister: yet why do I name her and myself in the -same sentence? She cares not for me, thinks not of me, or, if she does, -it is with contempt. I said this before, and I _must_ repeat it again; -but tell her, what I have done was with a view to promote her happiness. -Oh! may _she_ be happy, whatever becomes of me. I know the means I have -used will make her angry; but try to make her forgive the means for the -motive's sake. Tell her as much of this wild story as you think proper; -but do not let her see it in my wild rambling language; that is only fit -for your own eye. - -Your mother, I know, is out of all patience with me. I am black enough -in her opinion already. This last action, as far as she has yet known of -it, will dye me ten shades deeper; but pray put in a word for me there -too. I know she will say, that 'we are not to return evil for evil; and -that it is not lawful to do evil, though to bring forth good.' But put -her in mind that there are such things as _pious frauds_ (though, -by-the-bye, I do not take this of mine to be one of them); 'that wicked -people are to have their arts opposed by _arts_; and that good people -have not only been permitted, but commanded to execute vengeance on -sinners.' And you may hint at the children of Israel's being ordered to -spoil the Ægyptians, though far be it from me to spoil Mrs Gerrarde of -any thing she has. This however, and as many wise sayings as you can -collect for the purpose, you may string together; and be sure you tell -her I have hopes of reclaiming Mrs Gerrarde from her _evil_ courses, and -do not despair of prevailing on her to go into a nunnery; for Mrs -Gerrarde, you must know, was bred a Roman Catholic, though she conformed -on marrying Captain Gerrarde. - -Now put all this into decent language, fit for that very good woman's -ears; for _good_ I must call her, notwithstanding she was inexorable to -me. - -I am fatigued with writing so long a letter--I feel my disorder increase -upon me; I will be let blood, and hope soon to give you a good account -of my undertaking. Mean while, if I am not quite reprobated, write me a -line, directed under cover to Monsieur Larou, at the Post-house, -Boulogne. Farewel, my dear Bidulph; sick or well, I am ever your's, - - O.F. - - - _December 7_ - -Was there ever such a piece of knight-errantry? What a mad-cap is this! -Pray, my dear, are you not astonished at him? I am sure I am. I had not -an opportunity to finish the copying of this very long letter, which I -began yesterday morning, till very late this night. My poor mother has -been so restless, and so much out of order, these two days, I desired -her leave to read to her Mr Faulkland's history (for I can call it by no -other name) as I sat by her bed-side. She told me, I might let her know -the substance of what he said, as it would fatigue her too much to -attend to so long an epistle. - -You would have smiled, my Cecilia, at my good parent's amazement, when I -told her Mr Faulkland's proceedings, and his reasons for them. She would -scarce give credit to it at first, and I was obliged to repeat several -circumstances to her over again. And so, said she, this was all on -_your_ account, and he had _really_ no ill design on Mrs Gerrarde. I am -glad of this for Miss Burchell's sake, and shall be impatient to tell -her of it. I begged of my mother to wait a while for the result of Mr -Faulkland's adventure, before she mentioned any thing of the matter to -Miss Burchell. We do not yet know, said I, how this matter may turn out; -Mr Faulkland, to be sure, will make haste to communicate to my brother -the issue of this odd affair, and it will then be time enough to inform -the young lady. - -My mother unwillingly consented to postpone a discovery which she knew -would be so agreeable to Miss Burchell. I applaud her humanity; but -think that, good and prudent as she is, she is too unreserved in her -confidences. This strange business is, I think, at present in too -critical a suspence to trust the knowledge of it to anybody. If Mr -Faulkland fails in his design, his avowal of it will be far from serving -me. Sir George was with us for a few minutes to-day, only to exult in Mr -Faulkland's recovered credit. Has he not well explained himself, said -he? Oh! I knew there must have been some mystery at the bottom of that -conduct which surprized us all so much. _There's_ a man for you! Shew me -another who would carry his noble disinterested love to such lengths! - -My mother did not like that he should run on in that strain, and -therefore stopped him. The end crowns all, Sir George: let us see how -your friend will conduct himself _through_ this ticklish affair. Let him -get through it how he will, answered my brother a little bluntly, I -think Sidney has obligations to him she ought never to forget. - - - _December 16_ - -More intelligence, my dear; stranger and stranger still! I am sorry I -sent off my last packet, as I am sure you must be impatient for the -conclusion of Mr Faulkland's adventure; and then what sorry stuff has -the interval been filled up with! but I will now make you amends. My -mother is better too, thank God! and every thing promises well. - -Sir George has had a second packet from Boulogne. Take the continuation -of Mrs Gerrarde's history as follows: - - How rude is the hand of sickness, my Bidulph! it had like to have - spoiled one of the best projects that ever was undertaken, and - consigned to oblivion an action worthy of immortality. I have been - very ill since I last wrote to you; the disorder, which I then - complained of, turned out to be an ugly fever; and I was for three - days in extreme danger. Mrs Gerrarde was, during that time, closely - attended by Pivet, whose services I dispensed with on that account. - He told me she appeared uneasy at my situation, and enquired - constantly, and _kindly_ too, after my health. When I grew well - enough to sit up, I begged the favour of seeing her in my chamber. - She came very readily, and seemed downright anxious for my recovery. - I told her I hoped she had been treated with proper care and respect - during my sickness. She said Mr Pivet was a very obliging, - good-natured man, and had endeavoured to make her confinement as - easy to her as possible. - - The plan she had formed of turning to the most lasting advantage the - inclination she supposed I had for her, inclined her to assume a - very different behaviour from what was natural to her. The weakness - of my condition, while it afforded me a pretence for a more cold and - languid behaviour than I could with any colour have put on at - another time, gave her an opportunity of playing off her arts, and - facilitated my design beyond my hopes. - - She was seated at my bed-side: our first conversation consisted of - nothing but complaints on my side, and condolements on her's. I - sighed several times, and she sighed in return. Mrs Gerrarde, said - I, you are afflicted; but my illness has no share in your concern. - Something else oppresses you; you regret the being separated from Mr - Arnold, and I am always the object of your hatred. Neither one nor - t'other, answered she, in a kind voice. 'Tis impossible to hate you; - you know it is not in nature for a _woman_ to hate such a man as Mr - Faulkland. As for Mr Arnold, though I _own_ my former weakness in - regard to him, yet I hope I have something to plead in my excuse. I - was married very early to an old man, and had never experienced the - happiness of reciprocal love: he died, and left me destitute. Mr - Arnold's generous, though I must confess unwarrantable passion, - rescued me from distress. I did not know he was married when I first - unwarily accepted of his addresses, and it was too late to retreat - before I found it out; otherwise the universe should not have - tempted me to have listened to him. - - In the midst of the affluence I obtained from him, it often grieved - me to think of the injury I did his wife. There is nothing, Mr - Faulkland, so grating to a generous mind, and I think I may venture - to assert that _mine_ is one, as to live in a state of dependence, - and, at the same time, owe that very dependence to a vice that you - disdain. - - I was delighted to find that she had got into this strain; it was - the thing I wished, but durst hardly hope for without abundance of - trouble on my part, and a dissimulation that was irksome to me. I - knew she had studied this speech, and got it by rote to answer her - own purpose; but in this, as is generally the case of designing - people, she overshot herself, and became the dupe to her own - artifice. I laid hold of the cue she gave: Oh! madam, you charm me! - go on, go on; now indeed you shew a generous mind: happy would it be - for all your sex, after having deviated from the paths of virtue, if - they could return to them with so good a grace, so just a sense of - their errors! To _you_, Sir, said she with a solemn air, I am - indebted for my present resolutions: I hope from this time forward - that my life will be irreproachable. _I_ hope so too, madam. I - guessed she understood these words as favouring her design: it was - not meet to undeceive her (a little mental reservation, you know, - Bidulph): she went on, little thinking she was forwarding _my_ plan, - when she only meant to promote her _own_. I hope Mr Arnold will be - as sensible of his fault as I am of _mine_, and that he will never - fall into the like indiscretion again. I believe there can be no - true happiness but between a _married_ pair, who sincerely love each - other. - - Good! Good! thought I; sure my better genius prompts the woman to - speak thus. Ah! Mrs Gerrarde, how exactly do your thoughts - correspond with mine! How just are all your sentiments! What a true - relish have you for virtue! Yes, I hope with you that Mr Arnold will - be able to tread in your steps: it is a pity he has not your noble - example before him. Mrs Arnold is a good woman, and he might still - live with her in tolerable contentment, if he can get the better of - his irregular passion for you. What a noble triumph of virtuous - resolution would this be, if you yourself were the instrument to - bring this about. For Mrs Arnold's and her brother's sake, as well - as your own, I wish this were feasible. - - I would do any thing in my power, said she (thinking she obliged me - by the declaration); but I know not by what means such an event can - be brought to pass. - - I was afraid to urge the matter farther: I was within an hair's - breadth of gaining my point, but did not think it prudent to press - too forward. We'll think of it another time, said I, and groaned - heavily, as if my spirits were fatigued with talking. She took the - hint. I am afraid I have tired you; you have talked too much. I - answered her faintly, You are very good! She curtesied to me, and - retired with a majestic step. I saw her no more that day: she had - got upon stilts, and it was not yet time to take her down. To-morrow - may produce a wonder: I will wait for it. I am really weak, but - begin to recover my spirits. - - _Boulogne, December 6._ - - Nothing is so conducive to the body's health, as the mind's being at - ease. I have proved the truth of this observation: my soul had been - racked with suspence and uncertainty during my illness; the uneasy - state of my mind increased my disorder; the disorder itself had - chiefly given rise to my apprehensions, as pain and sickness are - naturally accompanied with a gloominess of thought. Thus the cause - and its effects were united in mutual league against me, and - reciprocally assisted each other to plague and torment me. - - My fears were intirely on Mrs Arnold's account. What, thought I, - would be the consequence of my project, in case of my death? Mrs - Gerrarde will return back to England; and, upon telling her story, - will be received again by Arnold; their union perhaps established as - firmly as before, and poor Mrs Arnold's hopes ruined for ever. Then - I thought what a wretch I must appear in her eyes, doubtful, may be, - of my sincerity as to the motives I urged to you for my conduct. On - the other hand, if these motives should by any means happen to be - suspected by Mrs Gerrarde, it might be the means of producing the - direct contrary effect from what I intended; and instead of - banishing Arnold's cruel suspicions of his lady, only serve to - strengthen them; for I knew Mrs Gerrarde would leave nothing unsaid - or undone for this horrid purpose; and it is not every one, Sir - George, whose hearts are enlarged enough to suppose a man may now - and then take a little pains from disinterested principles. This - last suggestion of my thoughts made me almost mad, and actually - brought on a delirium; and what may seem a paradox, though it is - literally true, the total deprivation of my senses for two days was - the means of my recovering them afterwards; for I am sure, had I - retained enough of them to have ruminated longer on this fatal - supposition, and my disorder had still threatened me with death, - I should have run mad. The care of a skilful physician recalled - me from the precincts of the grave; the strength of a constitution, - naturally good, joined to all the resolution I could muster, did the - rest. - - The first use I made of my recovered reason, was to consult with - myself in what manner, or by what means, I should prevail on Mrs - Gerrarde to lend a helping hand to my design. Her leaving Arnold to - go off with me, and to all human appearance with her own consent, - was a material point gained; but the most important of all, and - without which every thing else would be fruitless, was to get her to - acknowlege, under her own hand, the injury she had done Mrs Arnold - by her vile insinuations to her husband. This was the grand object - of all my wishes. This, you will say, was difficult: I confess it - did then appear so to me. I had not at first weighed all the - consequences of my enterprize with that deliberation that I ought. - The principal object I had in view, was the separating Mrs Gerrarde - and Mr Arnold, and raising his indignation against her, on account - of the apparent infidelity on her side. To say the truth, I had not - considered what I was to do with her when I had her. Two things I - had resolved on; the one was, not to let her return to England; the - other, to provide for her in whatever way she would put it in my - power (the devoting myself to her excepted), in such a manner as - should leave her no room to reproach me with having injured her - temporal welfare. - - During my illness, I had resolved all these things in my mind; the - last, viz. the providing for Mrs Gerrarde, was not a matter in which - I expected to meet many difficulties; the other appeared very - formidable. Several methods presented themselves, but none of them - pleased me, and I rejected them one after the other; and, to tell - you my mind honestly, I was almost resolved on using compulsion, and - frightening the poor woman into compliance; for I preferred even - this to artificial dealings. I had already used more than I could - have possibly brought myself to on any other occasion in the world; - and I think I should have threatened her with a nunnery, the - bastile, or even an inquisition, sooner than have failed, if she - herself had not beyond expectation, beyond hope, almost beyond the - evidence of my senses, led me as it were to request the thing of - her, which of all others I most despaired of her consenting to, or - even hearing proposed with patience. And yet, notwithstanding the - seeming strangeness of this, it was nothing but what was very - natural, and most consonant to her own designs. Blinded, and, as I - may say, infatuated by vanity, she imagined, that as I had taken - such uncommon pains to obtain her, I must love her with an uncommon - degree of passion; and that her steadily refusing any dishonourable - proposals, might induce me, rather than lose her, to make her my - wife. - - In order to prepare me the better for this, no means were more - natural, than for her to assume the air of a penitent, to seem sorry - and ashamed of her past sins, and resolve on a virtuous course for - the future. At the worst, that is, if she found _I_ was not disposed - to be as virtuous as herself, she knew she might play an after-game; - and could easily relax by degrees from the severity of her chastity, - accordingly as I made it worth her while. - - This was the master-key to her behaviour, and once I had got it, - which I soon did, it was easy to unlock her breast. - - She came into my room the next morning without an invitation, and - only the previous ceremony of sending Rachael to enquire how I did, - and to tell me, if I were well enough to _rise_ (observe her - nicety), she would sit half an hour with me. I had enjoyed such - tranquility of heart since my last conference with her, and had - rested so well the preceding night, that I found myself quite - another thing from what I was the day before; and, excepting a - little weakness, I was as well as ever I was in my life. I was up - and dressed, and you may be sure sent a suitable answer to her kind - message, which soon brought the lady, sailing with an imperial port, - into my chamber. After some civilities past on both sides, she, by - way of bringing her own interests on the tapis, re-assumed the topic - of our yesterday's conversation. - - You can't imagine, Mr Faulkland, said she, how easy I am in my - mind, since I have reconciled myself to the loss of Mr Arnold. I own - I had a regard for him; but I think it had more of gratitude than - love in it; for though he is an agreeable man, to say the truth, he - never was quite to my taste: he always had something too formal - about him. - - I took the liberty to ask her, how she first came acquainted with Mr - Arnold; and, as you may not know it, I will give you the story. She - answered, with a profound sigh, It was by mere accident I first saw - him. After the death of Captain Gerrarde, which happened in a little - more than a year after we left Bath, for the gout, poor man, got - into his stomach not long after we returned home (and the crocodile - pretended to drop a tear), I went to London, in order to sollicit - for my pension. As I had formerly been a Roman Catholic, and had not - publickly renounced that persuasion, some difficulties arose in the - business; and a friend of my deceased husband, who had undertaken - the affair for me, happening to be an intimate of Mr Arnold's, and - knowing he had an influence with the secretary at war, endeavoured - to interest him in my favour, by representing my situation in the - most affecting light he could to him. He kindly undertook to - interfere for me, and was as good as his word; but could not - surmount the difficulty of the objection which was made to my claim. - He happened one morning, unluckily for me, to call in at my friend's - lodgings, to tell him of his ill success: I, impatient to know how - my affair went on, had dropped in to inquire about it a few minutes - before him, and was sitting in the dining-room when Mr Arnold - entered. I was in my weeds, and my melancholy looks I believe made - Mr Arnold conjecture I was the person for whom he had so kindly - concerned himself. He told my friend he was sorry to inform him, - that though he had used all means in his power, with regard to the - affair in which he had employed him, he found it was impossible to - effect the business; and I am the more concerned, said he, turning - towards me, as I am afraid this lady is to be the sufferer. My - relation said I was the person for whom he had been so good as to - intercede. I returned Mr Arnold thanks, not without tears, at the - uncomfortable prospect I had before me; for I had then nothing to - depend on, but my small jointure in Kent. I was about to take my - leave; but observing it rained, desired my friend to give his - servant leave to call me a chair. Mr Arnold very politely desired I - would permit him to set me down, as his chariot waited at the door. - I would have excused myself; but my relation said, 'Tis in his way, - child; and since you have no hopes of a pension, you ought to be - sparing of chair-hire. Mr Arnold very obligingly offered me his - hand, and led me to his chariot. He set me down at my lodgings, and - at parting desired permission to wait on me. The fatal consequence - of our acquaintance it was impossible for me to foresee; for I never - had the least hint given me, either from my own relation or Mr - Arnold himself, that he was a married man, till he had so far - secured my gratitude, by repeated acts of generosity, that it was - impossible for me to refuse him the return he demanded. - - Too-grateful heart, said I (pretending to believe her cant), what a - pity thou wert not destined to reward a purer love! But I thought, - madam, you really had enjoyed a pension? - - It was not necessary, she answered, that I should let the world - suppose otherwise. I was not at all known when I first came to town. - Mr Arnold's excessive profuseness (quiet against my inclination) - threw me into a more expensive way of living than before. I found - myself obliged to account for it, to the few acquaintance I had, by - all the probable means I could devise. For this purpose, I pretended - that I had not only obtained a pension, but had also a fortune left - me by the death of a relation. This was believed, as nobody troubled - their heads to enquire whether it was true or not. - - Mr Arnold was passionately fond of the country, and always passed - his summers there; but as he could not think of parting with me, he - was sadly at a loss how to have me near him, without bringing on us - both the observation of an inquisitive neighbourhood (such as all - country places abound in), if I went down, quite a stranger as I - was, into Essex; particularly as he told me there were two families - near Arnold-abbey, who made it their business to pry into other - people's affairs. These were, a Lady Grimston, a censorious old - woman, and the parson of the parish, who was a mighty strict man, of - whom Mr Arnold seemed to stand in some awe. He therefore determined - against my going to that part of the world: but having casually - heard me speak of my little cottage in Kent, where poor Captain - Gerrarde and I had lived for two or three years, he asked me - whereabouts it was, and was delighted to find it joined his own - estate at South Park, and was within a mile of his house. He begged - of me to go down to my own house, which he insisted on furnishing - elegantly for me, and obliged me also to keep a chariot. I (tho' - unwillingly) found myself under a necessity of complying. About a - fortnight after I was settled at Ashby, Mr Arnold and his family - came down: then it was that, for the first time, I saw his lady. I - went to pay my compliments to her, as every genteel family in the - neighbourhood did; and I own I never saw her without feeling myself - shocked to death at the thoughts of the injury I did her; for I - really believe Mrs Arnold is a very well-meaning woman. - - Oh! thou scorpion, muttered I to myself, and yet thou hast pursued - her to affliction and ruin! - - That Mrs Arnold is a well-meaning woman, said I coldly, I have no - doubt; yet you see Mr Arnold's opinion of her virtue was not strong - enough to be proof against suspicions; for it is most certain, that, - if he had not given credit to your representations of his wife's - conduct, he would not have gone such lengths as to have parted with - her; for Arnold had always some regard to appearances. - - _My_ representations, Sir! with a look of astonishment; pray do not - lay more to my charge than I deserve: what the particular reasons - were, which induced Mr Arnold to part with his wife, I will not say; - but whatever his suspicions were, they never took their rise from - me. - - I found she intended to brazen this denial out; but as it was - absolutely necessary to my design to bring her to a confession of - this particular act of perfidy, I resolved to lead her into it in - such a way as should be least mortifying to her pride. - - Come, come, my dear Mrs Gerrarde, said I, I know you are above - concealing any past failings that you are resolved to mend. I know - very well that it was _your_ insinuations, and your's only, that - kindled the fire of jealousy in Arnold's breast. Such arts are not - uncommon in lovers. You loved him then, and wished to have him - intirely to yourself; and a wife, though a forsaken one, is still - intitled to so much attention from her husband, as a fond mistress - may think robs her of too much. I know this was the case, and it is - natural: but were you not an unmerciful little tyrant to involve - _me_ in the mischief, and put it into the man's noddle, that _I_ had - designs upon his wife? - - The easy manner in which I affected to speak of this affair, seemed - to reconcile her a little to the charge; but the last part of it, - which regarded myself, struck her all of a heap. She had no notion - that I knew it. She was going to speak, to deny the accusation I - suppose, and therefore I prevented her; and taking her by the hand, - Come now, said I, deal with me ingenuously; and if you persuade me - that you are really in earnest, and mean to repair those little - lapses which you have inconsiderately been led into, tell me truly, - did you really believe that I ever had any thoughts of an amour with - Mrs Arnold? - - I chose to give my inquiry this turn, that she might, with less - shame to herself, by laying hold on the hint, acknowlege her guilt. - She hesitated for an answer, and I guessed she was considering - whether to persist in denying the whole charge against her, or avail - herself of the handle I had given her, and make a sort of merit of - her sincerity, by pretending to believe what she was thoroughly - convinced there was not the least foundation even to suspect, but - what her own wicked suggestions had encouraged in the unfortunate - Arnold. Her silence, thus rightly interpreted by me, made me go on: - You see I know all your secrets; and you are not the woman I take - you for, if you conceal your real sentiments in this particular: - more of my quiet depends on it than you are aware of, and I withdrew - my hand from her's with a serious and almost resenting air. - - She appeared disturbed, and in a good deal of confusion; but - recovering herself, Why really, Mr Faulkland, I can't say but I - _had_ some suspicion of what you mention. I was no stranger to your - fondness for Mrs Arnold before she was married, and there was - nothing very surprising in a disappointed lover's renewing his - hopes, when he thought the neglect which a lady met with from her - husband, might incline her to be less obdurate to a man she was once - known to favour so much. - - This was enough: I did not think it by any means necessary to press - her to a farther explanation; what she said was a sufficient - acknowlegement of her fault, though the cunning sorceress had turned - the hint (which I had thrown out on purpose) to her own advantage; - and had the affrontery to avow an opinion which had never before - entered into her imagination. - - I found it necessary now to carry on the farce, by assuring her, I - had never entertained a thought to Mrs Arnold's dishonour; and that - though I made no great scruple of robbing a man of his mistress, yet - I thought it a crime of the blackest dye to deprive him of the - affection or fidelity of his wife. - - The serious manner in which I spoke this a little disconcerted Mrs - Gerrarde. Well, said she, I can only say, that I am very sorry I - entertained so false a suspicion; and more so, as it has produced - such unhappy consequences: but I hope Mr Faulkland will not believe - that I meant _him_ any injury? - - That I am sure you did not, said I; and yet this very affair has - given me more uneasiness than you can imagine; for as Mrs Arnold's - brother is my most particular friend, he must think me the greatest - of villains, if I could entertain a thought of dishonouring his - family: the fear of losing his friendship, I own, gives me more pain - than I can express, and there is nothing I would not do to - exculpate myself to him. - - I am very unfortunate, cried Mrs Gerrarde (pretending to wipe her - eyes), to have been the occasion of so much uneasiness in any-body's - family. I wish I had died before I was so unhappy as to meet with Mr - Arnold: if it had not been for him, I might now have been an - innocent and a contented woman; and she _really_ squeezed out a - tear, though not of contrition. - - Dear madam (again taking her hand), do not afflict yourself for what - is past recalling; contentment, nay happiness, I hope, is yet within - your reach; it will be your own fault if you do not lay hold of it: - as for the unhappy family that _I_, as well as _you_, have - contributed to distress, I wish from my heart there could be a - reunion amongst them. Mr Arnold's having lost you might perhaps - incline him to turn his thoughts towards his wife, if he were not - prejudiced against her by the suspicions he has entertained of her - virtue. This I am afraid will be an insuperable bar to their ever - living together, unless your influence, which first gave birth to - his jealousy, is still forcible enough to remove it. - - I wish it were in my power, said Mrs Gerrarde; there is nothing I - would not do to effect it: but what influence can I have on Mr - Arnold, after what has happened? - - Suppose you were to write to him, said I: you and he probably may - never meet again; and it would be an effort worthy indeed of a noble - mind, to repair the wrongs we have done to others, by a candid - acknowlegement of our own faults. Putting Mrs Arnold out of the - question, 'tis a reparation you owe _my_ character; for however - light the world may make of a piece of gallantry with a married - woman, it is a matter of serious moment to me to acquit myself of - the supposed crime to Sir George Bidulph. - - If you think, said she, that my writing to Mr Arnold could produce - such good effects, I am ready to do it; though I confess I hardly - know how to address him; for he must, to be sure, look upon me as - the very reverse of what I _really_ am, and thinks me without - dispute an ungrateful woman. - - We can but try, said I: if it does not produce the desired effect, - it will not be your fault; and you will have the satisfaction to - reflect, that you have done your duty. I stepped to my escruitore - while I was speaking; and resolving not to give her time to cool, - took out pen, ink, and paper, and laid them on a little - writing-table before her. If this unlucky breach, said I, were once - made up, my mind would then be easy. - - She took the pen in her hand, but seemed irresolute, and at a loss - how to begin. Come, madam, said I, and confute, by your own example, - the received erroneous opinion, that if a woman once strays from the - paths of virtue, she never returns to them. - - A false and ill-grounded opinion indeed, said she, lifting up her - prophane eyes as in penitence. What am I to say? - - [You are to observe, that my notes, as she went along while I - dictated, are put between hooks.] - - [Begin] 'Dear Sir' [for I would neither be too familiar nor too - cold], 'The terms on which you and I have lived, intitles you to an - explanation of my reasons for leaving you so abruptly; and I hope - the generosity of my motive will incline you to overlook the seeming - unkindness of the action.' [This you may assure yourself it will, - when he comes to consider coolly]. 'The unhappiness that I - occasioned in your family, by causing the separation of you and your - wife, has, for a long time, been a thorn in my heart; and the more - so, as besides the robbing her of your affections, I own, and take - shame to myself in the confession' [how noble must he think this - confession!], 'that those aspersions, which I threw on her, had not - the least foundation in truth.' [This is truly great]. 'I always - believed her perfectly innocent; but, if I could have had the least - possible doubt of it before, I must now be confirmed in that opinion - by Mr Faulkland, who can have no reason for excusing or concealing - facts of this nature from me at present.' [Here she added of - herself, repeating it first aloud to me], 'and I think the - preference he has given me to her, now in her state of separation, - is a convincing proof of this.' [An admirable argument] (her vanity - would not let her slip this observation). [Proceed, madam]. 'The - true reasons of my insinuations against her, were no other than that - I could not bear to share your affections with any-body' [and a very - sufficient reason too, which a man that loves can easily forgive]. - 'I knew, that so long as she gave you no cause of complaint, you - were too just to withdraw your whole heart from her, and nothing - _but_ the whole would content me.' [Still you see you shew a great - mind]. True, said she, going on; but my reason for leaving him - without apprizing him of it, what are we to say for that? [Oh! - nothing more _easy_ to execute: he will admire you the more for the - reason _I_ shall give. Come]. 'My departing without first making you - acquainted with my design, and going off with another person, may, - at first sight, seem very strange; but, to tell you the real state - of my heart, I found I could not trust to its firmness on the - subject of parting with you. I loved you so, that it was with pain - and grief I made the resolution; and I knew too well, that had you - used any arguments, which to be sure you would have done, to - dissuade me, I, like an easy fool, would have given up all my good - designs.' [I am only afraid this will make him love you more than - ever]. (She smiled as she continued to write). 'As for the other - article'--(This I was more puzzled to excuse than the first; but, - putting on a bold face, I said, Madam, I hope you will not condemn - me here, while you excuse yourself: the saying you were _run away_ - with, will knock all the rest on the head, and he may chuse whether - he will believe that you really intended to break off with him or - not; therefore that particular had better not be touched upon. Well, - said she, get me out of this scrape as cleverly as you have brought - me into it. Fear not, said I; go on). 'As for the other article, - though I shall never love Mr Faulkland as I have done you, yet in - him I have found a protector; and through his means, I hope to pass - the remainder of my life, in a manner more suitable to a woman of a - generous way of thinking, than that wherein she considered herself - as encroaching on the rights of another. I hope, by this sacrifice - which I have made of my love to a more heroic principle, that I - shall expiate my former offence; and that you will follow my example - so far as to make what reparation you can to the woman we have both - injured.' [How this must raise, how exalt you in his opinion! I - think it must, cried she, bridling up her head, as if they were - really her own sentiments]. - - I believe, said I, this is all that is necessary to be said: you may - add, in a postscript, that, as he furnished the house for you at - Ashby, every thing in it is at his service; together with your - chariot and horses, which were also his gifts. - - She demurred to this; and in the midst of her heroics, said, I wish - I could get somebody to sell them for me privately, and remit the - money to me; for, since I _am_ here, I should like to see a little - more of France before I return. - - I told her that would look mean, and below a _great mind_. Well, - said she, let them go. I owe all my servants a year's wages, and - another person about fifty pounds for a little temple he had just - built in my garden, but not quite finished when I came away. I think - I had better desire those debts to be discharged: I have always been - very punctual in my dealings, and would not for the world _wrong_ - anybody. - - You are in the right, said I: it will look honourable in you to - desire those debts to be paid. - - She now proceeded to conclude her letter in the same stile she had - begun it, and added a postscript to the purport I mentioned. I - hastened to make her seal it up, and direct it to Mr Arnold, at his - house in London, who, I suppose, has had the pleasure of receiving - it before now; for I dispatched it off directly. I flatter myself - with the hope that it will have the desired effect on him. - - You will think perhaps, that, as I have managed it, I have really - given her a sort of merit with him in the acknowlegement of her - fault, and the pretended reason she gives for leaving him. No such - thing, Sir George. Arnold is a man of too much sense, and knows the - world too well, to be so deceived. I have been told by my Lord - V----, knows him perfectly, that nobody judges better when he is not - blinded by his passions. All her professions must go for nothing - when _facts_ are against her. 'Tis plain she went off with another - man, and to all appearances premeditately, as her maid and her - riches bore her company. 'Tis also plain, by her own confession, - that this man stands well with her. As for her recanting her - injurious aspersions on poor Mrs Arnold, 'tis the only circumstance - in her letter likely to gain belief, as she could have no temptation - to that but real compunction, with which people of that kind are - sometimes visited; and for the rest of her letter, to any one of - common understanding, that lays circumstances together, it will - appear, as I intended it should, the contrivance of an artful jilt, - who, having almost ruined the wretch she has had in her power, would - afterwards make a _merit_ of deserting him; for they must be - hardened reprobates indeed, that would not, if they could, at least - _try_ to palliate their evil deeds. This is the light I expect - Arnold will consider her in. I know he is hurt deeply in his fortune - by this vile harpy. I hope the remnant may be sufficient to support - your excellent sister, if not in affluence, at least with comfort, - should she regain her influence over him, and submit to live with - him again. This, I am sure, will be the consequence, if he is not - blind to his own happiness. - - I shall be impatient to know how the letter operates on him; but - this you are not likely to be let into; and perhaps his pride may - make him endeavour to conceal it from every-body. My Lord V----, I - am sure, will pick up some intelligence, and send it to me. - - I think Mrs Gerrarde's confession, in regard to Mrs Arnold (to which - she could have no interested motive), with the corroborating - circumstance of _my_ going off with her at a time when Mrs Arnold - was from under her husband's protection, injured by him in the - tenderest point, and aspersed by a barbarous and invidious world; - all this, I say, must surely clear from all suspicion that admirable - creature: for who, that knows Mrs Arnold, would think that any man - (except her husband) would prefer any woman upon earth to her? If - this does not remove all doubt of her conduct in Arnold, as well as - in the rest of the world, my pains have been to little purpose; and - I know no other human means that can be used to disabuse the mad - credulity of that man. I pity him from my heart in his present - situation; for it will be some time before he will be sensible of - the good I have done him; and, I dare swear, the man is at this time - so ungrateful, that, if he could, he would cut my throat. I do not - want to have him know the extent of his obligation to me: I shall be - satisfied to sit down in the contemplation of my meritorious - actions, without enjoying the fame of them. This greatness of mind I - learnt of Mrs Gerrarde. But to return: - - The having gained my material point put me into such spirits, that I - could have kissed Mrs Gerrarde; a liberty which, I assure you, - however I never presumed to take. She, for her part, seemed as well - pleased with what she had done as I was. I praised her for the part - she had acted, though I very much feared she would repent of it when - we came to explanations, which I resolved should be on that very - day. I told her, I hoped she would oblige me with her company at - dinner. She consented with a bow. I had ordered one to be got ready - earlier than usual, and directed that it should be in her apartment. - We were told it was on table. I never saw Mrs Gerrarde so agreeable - as she was during dinner; she was in high spirits and good-humour: I - almost thought it a pity to let her down that day; but I considered - the longer her expectations were kept up, the greater would be her - disappointment; and, out of pure charity, I determined to put her - out of doubt. - - I had been told Mrs Gerrarde was no enemy to a chearful glass; but - the designs she had formed upon me put her on her guard, and I - observed she drank nothing but wine and water, made very small. - This, I was afraid, would not be sufficient to keep up her courage - under what I intended to say to her. I pretended to be disposed to - drink, and insisted on her helping me out with a flask of burgundy. - With affected coyness she suffered me to fill her glass; the second - offer I made, her resistance was less; the third she made no - objection to at all; and the fourth she filled for herself. The - wine was excellent; not that poor sort which is commonly drunk in - France. In short, we finished our bottle. I thought her now a match - for what I had to say. I had made the glass pass briskly, and had - filled up the intervals with singing catches, and rattling on any - subject that came into my head. - - Mrs Gerrarde, who no doubt expected I should make an advance of some - kind or other, seemed to grow a little out of humour at my levity. I - found the burgundy had been quite thrown away upon her, and had had - very little effect: she was silent for a few minutes, and seemed to - be considering of something: at last she opened, and I will give you - the conversation that passed between us, by way of dialogue. - - _Mrs G_ Mr Faulkland, it is time that you and I should understand - one another's meaning a little better than we do at present: you - know very well that you have put an end to all my expectations in - England: indeed, if I were at liberty, I could not have the face to - return there again in any character but that of your wife. (I was - glad she began first, and that, though I guessed at her views, she - had used so little caution in discovering them, as it at once roused - in me an indignation which I could not suppress, and without which I - could not have brought myself to mortify her as she deserved). - - _Mr F_ My _wife_, madam! (stopping her at that tremendous word) be - pleased to tell me if I heard you right? - - _Mrs G_ Yes, Sir, it was as your wife I said: if you think you and I - are to live together on any other terms, you will find yourself - exceedingly mistaken. (I smiled, and suffered her to go on). I - thought, Sir (stifling the anger that I saw rising), that the words - which you yourself dictated in the letter which I just now wrote, - where you say, _I had in you found a protector, and one by whose - means I should be able to pass the rest of my life in a manner more - suitable to a woman of a generous way of thinking, than that wherein - she considered herself as incroaching on the rights of - another_--Were not these your own words, Sir? - - _Mr F_ They were, Madam. (To say the truth, there was something - equivocal in the paragraph, though, when I desired her to write it, - this construction never entered into my head). - - _Mrs G_ Then, Sir, how am I to understand them? - - _Mr F_ I protest, Madam, you have forced a construction that I never - once so much as dreamed of. - - _Mrs G_ Why, Mr Faulkland (with a very brisk tone), do you fancy - that by changing Mr Arnold for _you_ on any other conditions, that I - am such a mighty gainer by the bargain? - - _Mr F_ Why really, Madam, if that _were_ to be the case, I don't - think you would be a very great loser: you have got as much from - poor Arnold as you could expect: I am able to do better for you; - and, as I am nobody's property, it would certainly, in _that_ - respect, be rather a more eligible course. - - _Mrs G_ Sir, you use me very ill! I did not expect such treatment. - - _Mr F_ How, pray Madam? Did I ever say I would marry you? - - _Mrs G_ No, Sir; but your behaviour has given me room to suppose - that such a thing was in your thoughts. - - _Mr F_ Are you not then the more obliged to me for treating you with - such respect as made you fancy so? - - _Mrs G_ Respect! respect (muttering between her teeth), Mr - Faulkland! (and she stood up) there is not a man in England but - yourself, after what I have declared, that would refuse making me - his wife. - - _Mr F_ What have you declared, Mrs Gerrarde? - - _Mrs G_ Why, have I not ingenuously owned my failings, shewed myself - sorry for them, quitted them, and made all the reparation in my - power? - - (I was amazed to see how audaciously she had adopted as her own, the - sentiments which I had suggested to her: it was so like her, that I - could have laughed in her face). - - _Mr F_ Your behaviour, on this occasion, has really been worthy of - the imitation of all your own sex, and the praise of ours: for a - woman _voluntarily_ to quit an irregular life, and that too from - mere motives of _conscience_--(I was stopped by a knavish sneer, - which I could not subdue. She saw it, and fired immediately; but - strutted about the room to cool herself: at last, for I sat very - silent, looking at her, and playing with one of the glasses)-- - - _Mrs G_ Mr Faulkland, if you are disposed to have done trifling, and - will vouchsafe me a serious answer, pray tell me, Are you absolutely - determined not to marry me? - - _Mr F_ Absolutely. - - _Mrs G_ You are not serious, sure! - - _Mr F_ My dear creature, why sure _thou_ canst not be serious in - asking me the question! - - _Mrs G_ Sir, I _am_ serious, and expect a serious answer. - - _Mr F_ Why then,--seriously, I have no more thoughts of marrying - thee, than I have of marrying the first sultana in the grand - seignior's seraglio. - - _Mrs G_ Very well, Sir; very well; I am answered; (and she walked - quicker about the room than before). - - We were both silent. She, I suppose, expected that I should propose - other terms, and a settlement; and waited, to try if I would speak. - I had a mind to teaze her a little, and hummed a tune. - - _Mrs G_ (Advancing to me, and making a low curt'sey, with a most - scornful and sarcastical air) May I presume to enquire what your - mightiness's pleasure is in regard to me? Do you intend to keep me - for your nurse against your next illness, or to send me to the grand - seignior's seraglio to wait upon the first sultana? - - _Mr F_ Neither (carelessly, and looking another way). I have not yet - determined which way I shall dispose of you. - - _Mrs G_ _Dispose_ of me! _dispose_ of me! why sure the man has lost - his senses! - - _Mr F_ Look you, Mrs Gerrarde; we will no longer play at - cross-purposes: sit down, and be calm for a few minutes, till you - hear what I have to say. - - (She did so, with a kind of impatience in her looks, that informed - me I might have made a very free proposal, without any great danger - of her resentment). - - _Mr F_ How long have you and I been acquainted? - - _Mrs G_ Lord! what is that question to the purpose? - - _Mr F_ 'Tis only in order to my desiring you would look back, and, - upon recollection, ask yourself, if you ever had any reason to look - upon me as your lover. - - _Mrs G_ I made that observation to you when we were travelling - together: what is the use of it now? - - _Mr F_ Did I, in the course of our journey, declare myself to be - such, or drop the least hint of devoting myself to you on any - condition? - - _Mrs G_ We did not talk on the subject at all. - - _Mr F_ Did I ever presume, on the advantage of having you in my - power, to venture on the smallest liberty with you; or ever deviate - from that respect in my behaviour, that I was used, at all other - times, to treat you with? - - _Mrs G_ I do not say you did; and it was that very behaviour that - inclined me to imagine you had other thoughts than those I find you - have. - - _Mr F_ You drew a wrong conclusion, though it is to be confessed - not a very unnatural one. Such a behaviour might have been so - construed by a lady otherwise circumstanced than you were; but I - think a woman of your sagacity might have concluded, that, with Mrs - Gerrarde, a man would first have tried his fortune upon gentler - terms than those of matrimony. - - _Mrs G_ Well, well (peevishly); I do not understand your riddles: to - the point. - - _Mr F_ Why, the point, in short, is this; that, without any - particular designs on your person, my whole view, in carrying you - out of England, was to break off your intercourse with Mr Arnold. - - (She seemed thunder-struck; but recovering herself, And is _this_ - what I am to hear calmly? And she flounced off the chair to the - other end of the room. - - I followed her; and, taking her hand, begged she would sit down - again, and hear me out. I drew her to a chair, and gently set her - down in it). - - _Mr F_ Now, for your own sake, hear me with patience; violence or - perverseness will be of no use to you. - - _Mrs G_ Very well, Sir; I am your prisoner; your _slave_ at present: - say what you please; 'tis _your_ turn _now_. - - _Mr F_ Well then, Madam, as I said before, I really never had any - designs upon you merely on your own account. I allow you to be a - very fine woman, and capable of inspiring love in any man that sees - you; but I must tell you plainly, that _love_ has had no share in my - conduct. (I saw stifled rage in her face; but I proceeded). I have - already told you the real motive of my carrying you off: it was, as - I said, to dissolve the union between you and Mr Arnold, and my - reasons for wishing to do so are these: Mr Arnold is married to one - of the best women living, for whom I have the highest respect and - esteem, and whom I once adored: That lady has, by your influence - over her husband, not only been thrown out from his heart, but even - thrust out from his house. But the calamity stops not there; she is - cruelly aspersed by the world through your suggestions, and I am the - person pointed at for the injurer of Mr Arnold's honour, and the - destroyer of his wife's innocence. You have brought shame and grief - into a worthy family. Lady Bidulph (an excellent woman) has not been - able to overcome the shock of the barbarous treatment her daughter - has met with. Her brother, the beloved friend of my heart, suffers - equal distress; for, though he is conscious of his sister's - innocence, he feels the wounds that her reputation has received; - nor can he possibly redress the mischief, as his sister's injuries - spring from a cause which her delicacy will not permit to be - scrutinized. Her two poor children are left without a mother; she - herself almost without a friend, and sinking every day under the - weight of such complicated misery. As for Mr Arnold himself, I - profess no personal regard for him: I scarce know him; but, for his - family's sake, I would, on any _other_ occasion, risque my life to - save him from ruin; for ruin you have almost brought on him. I am no - stranger to the sums he has lavished on you; his purchasing an - employment for _one_ of your brothers, and redeeming another from a - prison. You have lost nothing by my proceedings but what I shall - make up ten-fold to you, if you behave so as to deserve my kindness. - I have now laid before you the true reasons for my conduct. I hope, - that by breaking the inchantment that tied Mr Arnold's heart, and - blinded his understanding, he may be induced to do justice to his - injured lady and her family. If this comes to pass, as I have strong - reason to hope, I have no doubt of the lady's character being - retrieved. _Groundless_ calumnies generally die of themselves, - unless industriously kept alive by malice. Mrs Arnold's blameless - conduct, the friendship her brother has all along continued to - favour me with, joined to this last apparent proof of my attachment - to you, will, I am certain, in the eyes of the world, acquit her of - all suspicion of guilt. Your letter to Mr Arnold will, as far as - relates to your own opinion of her, give unquestionable evidence of - her innocence. - - Now, Mrs Gerrarde, lay your hand on your heart, and answer me if I - have not given you reasons, which, though they may not be - satisfactory to you, are in themselves of weight sufficient to - justify my conduct. - - I had watched her countenance narrowly during my discourse, which - she had listened to without once looking at me. I saw I had shocked - and even confounded her; but I saw no remorse, no contrition in her - looks. All artifice was now at an end, and she unmasked the fiend - directly. She started off her chair with the looks and gesture of a - fury; and fixing her eyes (which had really something diabolical in - them at that instant) steadily on me, You wretch! she cried, with a - voice answerable to her looks, you are such a false, dissembling, - mean-spirited reptile, that if you had a kingdom to offer me, and - would lay yourself at my feet to beg my acceptance of you, I would - trample on you like dirt! and she stamped on the floor with the air - of an amazon. Do you think you shall carry on this fine-contrived - enterprize? No, if I perish for it, I will have vengeance: Mr Arnold - shall know how I have been deceived and betrayed, and I will at - least have the satisfaction of getting your life, if I lose every - thing besides. - - A burst of malignant tears now gushed from her eyes; but she robbed - them of their efficacy, by mixing with them the bitterest - imprecations against me. She curst even the innocent Mrs Arnold, - you, and the whole family; and her own folly, in being blinded by - the arts of such a worthless milk-sop as myself. - - I let her give vent to her passion, calmly walking about the room - all the time; only now and then casting an eye on her, for fear she - should have rushed on me with a penknife; for I have not the least - doubt, if she had had such an instrument about her, she would have - made an attempt that might have given a very tragical turn to my - adventures. - - When she had done sobbing, I addressed her in a very stern voice; - for I found I had no baby to deal with, and therefore resolved to - frighten her into submission. - - I told you before, Madam, that violence would be of no use to you: - your menaces I laugh at; you are in my power intirely, and - absolutely at my disposal: to think of getting out of my hands would - be vain; for it is as impracticable as flying. No mortal knows where - you are but the people of this house, who are strangers to your name - and circumstances; and if they knew both, they are so totally at my - devotion, that it would not avail you. I shall cut off all - possibility of a correspondence to England. What then must be your - resource? I am prepared against all events; and I would carry you - about locked up in an iron cage, like the Turkish tyrant, till I had - subdued that termagant spirit, sooner than you should have your - liberty to do more mischief. If you have any regard to your own - interest, you will endeavour to make me your friend: I have the - power and the will to serve you; I have done you no injury; I said I - would be your protector; and so I will, if you will suffer me to be - so. I said I would be the means of your passing your days in a state - more eligible to a woman of either spirit, discretion, or a grain of - honour, than you have hitherto done. This I am ready to make good, - if you will not be wanting on your part to your own happiness. You - have acknowleged that you are conscious of your own errors, are - sorry for them, and are willing to quit them (This was turning her - own weapons against herself); if you are in earnest in this - declaration, I will give you the means of quitting them. The money - you have now in your possession, even with the addition of your - little jointure, is not sufficient to promise you such a support as - would make you easy, if you were to return to England to-morrow; and - your story known (as it would be), what could you expect? Do you - think Arnold could be so besotted as to receive you again? What must - be your resource? Why, to continue, while your beauty lasts, in a - wretched, abandoned course. Ten thousand to one you might never - light on another whose love would be prodigal enough to enrich you. - The only choice left you, is to stay where you are not known, and - where, if you behave well, you may gain the respect and esteem which - you could never hope for in a place where your history is known. If - you will content yourself with an easy fortune, joined to a life of - virtue and tranquillity, I will provide you with a husband that many - a woman in your circumstances would bless her stars for: I will - double the portion you have already, and get it settled on you; and - will, on certain conditions, add a handsome yearly income. If you do - not like this proposal, I have no other alternative to offer but a - nunnery. I know you were bred a Roman Catholic: I am sure therefore - I shall do no violence to your religious scruples, if you have any. - I can get you admitted with ease: the religious here will think it a - meritorious act in me, especially on the terms I shall propose; for - I will make it worth their while to receive and treat you as a lady - of the first family in France: but remember there is a final period - to all intercourse with this world. If you think you can bring - yourself to submit to such a life, I would really recommend it to - you; for I am sollicitous for your happiness both here and - hereafter: if not, you have the other choice to make; and so, Madam, - a husband or a convent; take which you like best: I give you three - days to consider of it. - - I kept up a severe countenance, and a resolute tone. I rang the bell - as soon as I had done speaking. Rachael came in before Mrs Gerrarde - could answer me. Take care of your mistress, said I, and left the - room, without even the ceremony of a bow, or deigning to look at - her. I locked the chamber door, which I took care to clap after me; - and, putting the key in my pocket, left the lady and her maid to - consult at their leisure. - - You know, Bidulph, I am not naturally morose; and that I am not very - apt to be wanting in that complaisance which all women expect, and - which I really think due to _almost_ all women: but this one had, in - the preceding scene, so intirely thrown off her sex, that I could - hardly consider her as a female. I had known many of her ill - qualities before; but those she now discovered, if they did not - shew her more wicked, certainly rendered her more disgustful to me - than the others. In short, I found that all decorum was to be laid - aside: I had gone too far not to put the finishing hand to my work; - and I had no other measures to observe, but to finish, by dint of - force, what I had begun by stratagem. When I mentioned the nunnery - to you in a former letter, it was in mere gaiety of heart: I had no - serious thoughts of that kind, nor did I now propose it as a - practicable scheme. I knew the woman too well to suppose she would - acquiesce; though, to confess the truth to you honestly, I think, if - she refuses my other plan of accommodation, I must compel her to - accept of this: nor ought it to be considered in any other light - than that of confining a wild beast, who, having already done a - great deal of mischief, would still do more, if left at liberty: but - I think I shall not be driven to this. I believe she will accept of - a husband with a good settlement, sooner than resign her liberty. - - And now who do you think the husband is whom I have under - contemplation for her? Why, no less a man than my valet de chambre - Monsieur Pivet. He is young and handsome, of good parts, and a man - of birth. He tells me he has an uncle that is a marquis, and three - or four cousins that are in the high court of parliament. Without a - joke, the fellow is of a pretty good family: he was bred a mercer, - and in a frolic had run away from his business, when I picked him up - at Paris, at the time you and I were there together. He then told - me, that he only hired with me for an opportunity of seeing a little - of the world, and that he would one time or other sit down and - settle to his trade. I have sounded him on the point, and find him - very ready to accept of the lady with all her faults. - - I told you I introduced him to Mrs Gerrarde, to serve as her - interpreter in the house, at the time I was ill. I did not then tell - her who he was; and both she and her maid take him for no other than - an acquaintance of mine, who happens to lodge in the same house with - us. The vain rogue has encouraged this opinion, and I suppose passes - for a very pretty fellow with them; for you know Pivet is a Beau, - and is really not ungenteel. But do not fancy that I intend to - impose him on the lady for any other than what he really is. All - disguise is now laid aside, and I shall proceed with the utmost - plainness and sincerity, as soon as I know the lady's mind in regard - to her choice. - - Here, my dear Sir George, I must take breath a little: it has been a - busy day. I undertook a difficult voyage without the certainty of a - landing-place; a few storms I expected to encounter; I hope I have - weathered the worst, and have come at length to some prospect of an - harbour. I expect my next greeting to you will be from a fairer - shore.--Upon second thoughts, I will not send this off, till I can - put both you and myself out of the reach of suspence.... - - Congratulate me, Sir George, honour me, as the first of politicians, - the greatest of negotiators! Let no hero of romance compare himself - to me, for first making difficulties, and then extricating myself - out of them; let no giant pretend to equal me in the management of - captive beauties in inchanted castles; let no necromancer presume to - vie with me in skill for metamorphosing tigresses into doves, and - changing imperious princesses into plain country nymphs. _All_ this - I have brought to pass, without the assistance of enchanted sword or - dwarf, in the compass of a few days; but take the circumstances in - the order they occurred. - - I left the lady, as I told you, to utter her complaints to her - confidante. Rachael, a simple girl, who had just sense enough to - regard her own interest, was not likely to give her mistress much - consolation; for she was at least as much _my_ friend as her's. How - _they_ passed the night I know not; for my own part, I slept in - perfect tranquillity. I desired Pivet in the morning to go and - inquire, as from himself, how the lady rested. Mrs Gerrarde, who was - still in bed, no sooner heard his voice in the outer room, as he was - speaking to her maid, than she called out to Monsieur Pivet, and - desired he would be so good as to step into her chamber. Pivet, not - much abashed at being admitted to a lady's _ruèlle_, obeyed her - summons, and placed himself in an armed chair by her. He said he - hoped it was not owing to illness that he saw her in bed. Yes, Sir, - said she, I am exceedingly ill: I have not slept the whole night, - and am now in a high fever. Has Mr Faulkland told you any thing in - relation to me? I had prepared Pivet, and he had his answers ready. - Madam, said he, I am not a stranger to your situation, and am - exceedingly sorry for it: I wish the little influence _I_ have over - Mr Faulkland could be employed for your service; but he is a - positive man, very enterprising, and not to be controlled by - any-body. Do you know my story, Sir, cried Mrs Gerrarde? He bowed, - and looked down. Mrs Gerrarde understanding this as an affirmative, - and raising herself up a little, cried out, A base, ungenerous man! - Does he intend to expose me wherever he goes? By no means, Madam, - answered Pivet: there is nothing in your story that would do you the - least injury in any-body's opinion here: the ladies in France do - not think it any disgrace to have lovers. - - You are very obliging, Sir, she replied; and perhaps I have as much - to say in my vindication as any woman: but sure never was mortal - used in the barbarous manner I am. Do you know the proposal he had - the insolence to make me last night? Either to take a husband of - _his_ chusing (_any_ low fellow, I suppose, he thinks good enough - for me), or immediately to go into a nunnery. Oh! Sir, and she - catched hold of his hand, as you are a gentleman, if you have - compassion, any humanity towards an unfortunate woman, try to - deliver me out of his hands. I have a pretty good sum of money in my - possession; contrive the means of my escape; my gratitude to you - shall be unbounded! and she wrung his hand. - - Ah! Madam, said Pivet, looking tenderly at her, I would it were in - my power; I should think myself but too happy if it were possible - for me to accomplish what you request; but I fear it will be - impracticable: I declare to you, if I were at my own disposal, I - would fly with you to the remotest part of the world; but I am a - young man, who have my fortune to make: I am under particular ties - here, and have besides such obligations to Mr Faulkland, as makes it - impossible for me, consistently with _honour_, to interfere in this - business. - - Sir, said she eagerly, can't you write a letter for me, or furnish - me with the means of informing my friends in England of my - situation? - - Madam, said he, before Mr Faulkland permitted me the honour of - seeing you, he engaged my solemn promise that I would not - intermeddle in your affairs. - - Lord, what will become of me! What would you, Sir, advise me to do? - For as for that wretch (meaning me), I am determined, if I can help - it, not to suffer him to come near me. - - 'Tis a very nice point, Madam: I really do not well know how to - advise: but, to be sure, a nunnery is a choice not to be recommended - to a lady of your youth and beauty, unless your inclinations lead - you that way; then indeed-- - - She interrupted him. Don't name it to me, Sir; don't name it: I am - determined to keep out of _that_ snare, if it be for nothing but an - opportunity to be revenged on that tyrant: I would marry a beggar - sooner than give up that hope. - - As for that, Madam, said Pivet, I suppose Mr Faulkland would not be - so ungenerous as to compel you to marry one beneath you: there are - many young men of good families who would think themselves honoured - by your acceptance of them: your personal accomplishments alone are - a sufficient recommendation; but Mr Faulkland mentioned to me the - additional advantage of fortune. I dare answer for him he will not - think of bestowing you unworthily. - - I had charged Pivet not to go too far: he thought it time to break - off the conversation; and, rising up, he told Mrs Gerrarde he was - going into my apartment, and desired to know if she would honour him - with any commands. - - Sir, said she, I shall only beg you will tell Mr Faulkland, that I - never _can_ think of his proposal; that I am very ill, and beg to be - left in quiet for a few days; but shall be very glad to see _you_ - whenever you are at leisure. - - He bowed, and left her; then came directly to me, and repeated the - conversation he had with her word for word. I am glad, said I, to - find you are so much in her good graces: it will accelerate my plot; - but we must not make you too cheap: if we manage discreetly, she may - possibly think herself very well to get off with you. - - At present I stand pretty well with her, Sir, said Pivet: she does - not suspect that I am your servant: I fear if she did, as the lady - seems to have a high spirit, she would forbid me her presence. - - I found Pivet had no mind to have this part of his situation - explained: his vanity had been highly tickled at passing upon her - for a gentleman, and _my_ friend.--He had, in obedience to my - orders, spent much of his time with her during the few days that I - had been too ill to see her. I had, at my first introduction of him - to her, cautioned him against letting her know in what capacity he - was with me: I did not then give him my reasons for this, and he - supposed they were no other, than that, finding it necessary to have - him pretty much with her in her confinement, I did not chuse to - alarm her pride by the knowlege of his station. I did not hint at my - design till the day before I had prevailed on her to write the - letter to Mr Arnold. Pivet did not at all disrelish the proposal: he - had not been blind to Mrs Gerrarde's charms: he only seemed - surprized at my being willing to part with her so soon; for he had - not the least conception of my reasons for carrying her off, and - very naturally concluded I was deeply engaged in an amour. It was - not difficult to guess his thoughts on this occasion. - - Pivet, said I, I must premise one thing to you: I assure you there - is not, nor ever was, any intrigue between Mrs Gerrarde and me. I do - not, however, pretend to vouch for her chastity. It was no secret at - V---- hall that she had occasioned an unhappy breach in Mr Arnold's - family; and that, and that _only_ (as I have a most particular value - and affection for that family), was my motive to the carrying this - lady away. As I hope the disunion (now the cause of it is removed) - will no longer subsist, I find it necessary to provide for Mrs - Gerrarde some way or other. A good husband I would wish to bestow on - her. I do not yet know whether I shall be able to bring her into any - measures; but if she should be prevailed on to accept of you, and I - should make it worth your while to accept of her, can you overlook - the levity she has been guilty of, and resolve to use her kindly? - - He promised he would make the best husband in the universe. I bid - him not be too sure of success, as I did not yet know Mrs Gerrarde's - mind, and feared I should find it hard to bring her into terms; - adding, that though I intended to threaten her, I should be very - unwilling to make use of compulsion; but if she should happen to - like him, without suspecting my design, I might accomplish my - purpose with less reluctance on her side, and much more satisfaction - to myself. - - The conversation he had just had with her elated him highly: she had - made him her confidant; she had implored his assistance; she had - promised an _unbounded_ gratitude; she had prohibited _my_ visits, - and invited _his_. All this facilitated my work, and I at one time - thought of letting her e'en work out her fate, and run blindfold - into my trap; for it is plain, if Pivet had given in to it, she - would have marched off with him, and even married him, to get out of - my clutches; and then, you know, she could have blamed nobody but - herself for the consequences. But I resolved not to impose on the - gypsey any farther; but let her know what she was to expect before - the bargain was concluded, and at least give her her option of - having the power of continuing a jilt, or being canonized for a - saint. - - I found things were now likely to take such a turn as I wished; but - it still required management. Pivet, said I, you must let her see - you no more to-day; it will make her prize your company the more: - keep out of the way, that you may not be seen by Rachael; and give - such orders in the house, as that there may be proper attendance for - the lady. One of my footmen spoke a little French, and he had been - directed to receive and communicate Mrs Rachael's orders in the - family. - - Tho' Pivet assured me that he thought Mrs Gerrarde was not so ill as - she said she was, I yet thought it incumbent on me to have the - advice of a physician. The people with whom I lodged said I could - not have a better than the doctor who had attended me, as he was - reckoned very skilful. I told them, in the present case, I believed - honesty was more requisite than skill. They said he was very honest - too; so I desired he might be sent for. - - Mrs Gerrarde, being determined to carry on the farce of sickness, - pretended she was not able to rise; and the doctor was introduced to - her bedside. As he could neither understand his patient, nor make - himself understood by her, I had ordered the footman, whom I - mentioned to you before, as knowing a little French, to wait at the - chamber door; for I was resolved so far to keep up my resentment and - my importance, as not to vouch-safe assisting at the conference; - which, by this means, became the most ridiculous scene you can - imagine. The doctor, having felt Mrs Gerrarde's pulse, proposed his - questions by the footman, who just peeped his nose in at the door. - He explained them (very ill I suppose) to Rachael in English, who - re-repeated them to her lady within her curtains; for she would not - suffer them to be drawn back. Mrs Gerrarde's answers travelled the - same round-about way back to the doctor, who got them mangled in - very bad French from his interpreter. - - Mrs Gerrarde, provoked, I believe, at the doctor's visit, and very - much tired of his questions, asked peevishly where Monsieur Pivet - was? This inquiry I expected; and the fellow who told me of it, had - been ordered to inform her that Monsieur Pivet was not at home. - - The doctor, after leaving his patient, came to me, and confirmed the - character I had received of him, both for skill in his profession, - and integrity in his practice; for he told me very honestly, that he - thought the lady was in perfect health. I thought the doctor - deserved a double fee, and accordingly gave it to him; requesting - him, however, to continue his visits: for I told him, that, though - the lady might really be very well, she was, however, a little - vapourish. - - I left her to her reflections the whole day. Rachael inquired three - or four times of the footman if Mr Pivet was come in, but was always - answered in the negative. I was pleased at her sollicitude about - him. - - I desired him to wait on her the next day, at the time the doctor - paid his visit; and instructed Pivet to ask the doctor, in her - presence, what he thought of her case, and to report his answer - fairly to her; for I was resolved not to let her imagine that she - imposed on me. - - The doctor, by Pivet's means, discoursed with her more readily than - he had done the day before. Pivet asked his opinion of her disorder, - and the physician declared it as freely as he had done to me; - adding, he should not have repeated his visit, if I had not insisted - on it. - - Pivet could not help smiling. Mrs Gerrarde observed it; for, I - suppose, she watched his countenance, and asked him what the doctor - had said. He says, Madam, what gives me a vast deal of pleasure; - which is, that your disorder is intirely imaginary. He is an - ignorant fellow, said Mrs Gerrarde; and you may tell him I desire to - see him no more. The poor doctor, who knew not what she said, made - her half a dozen scrapes, and withdrew. - - She then threw back her curtain; and re-assuming the subject she had - been upon the day before with Pivet, asked him if he had had any - conversation with me about her? and what resolution I had come to? - - Pivet (who had begged I would leave this conference intirely to his - management) seemed to hesitate a little, and appeared melancholy. We - have had some talk about you, Madam, said he; and Mr Faulkland tells - me, if you reject the nunnery scheme (which I think _he_ seems to be - fondest of), that he has a person in his thoughts, who, he believes, - will be a suitable match for you, if you are willing to accept of - him; if not--here he stop'd. What if I should not, Sir? Pray speak. - I hope, Madam, he will not carry matters to an extremity. Extremity, - Sir! Do you think he can be brutal enough to force me into a - nunnery? Are there no laws in France? I _hope_ he will not, Madam; - but I can't pretend to answer for him: he is a strange man: he seems - out of temper too: the doctor told him nothing ailed you; he - believes him, and spoke harshly on the occasion. And what, said she, - is the match that he calls _suitable_? One of his footmen perhaps, - or his barber? - - Pivet affected to look concerned. He tells me, Madam, he has cast - his eyes on a young man, well born, and genteelly educated; not - contemptible in his personal accomplishments, and one who he is sure - will make you a fond and obliging husband. - - Pivet sighed deeply, and cast his eyes languishingly on her. You - seem concerned, Sir, said she. Do you know the person? It is my - doubts on that occasion, Madam, that is the cause of my uneasiness. - Pray explain yourself, Mr Pivet. Madam, I dare not, he replied, with - great solemnity. I will only assure you, that whoever the person be, - whom Mr Faulkland has not yet named to me, I think him the happiest - man in the world. What can be his meaning, asked Mrs Gerrarde, for - telling you _so_ much, and yet concealing the person's name? He - says, he has not proposed it yet to the gentleman, Madam; and as, - he tells me, he can't in honour conceal any part of your story, he - is fearful--I beg your pardon, Madam; you will excuse me if I do not - repeat his scruples on this occasion. I understand you, Sir. He - supposes his friend will reject me. Some such insinuation he threw - out, Madam, said Pivet. I told him, that he need only permit the - gentleman to _see_ you; and if he then made any objection, he must - be the blindest and most insensible man alive. He spoke this with a - warmth that seemed highly pleasing to the lady. She bowed, and - answered, _All_ men, Sir, are not as generous as you. But what did - Mr Faulkland say to this? He only smiled, and said he wished his - friend might think as I did; that he would tell me his name another - time; and that, in the mean time, it would oblige him if my visits - to you were less frequent. Inhuman monster, said she; would he debar - me of the only satisfaction I have? Let me but live to get out of - his hands! if I can escape him by any means, I will find ways to - reckon with him for this. Be so good, Mr Pivet to tell him, that I - am content to take the person he offers, let him be who he will: I - shall expect nothing from him but insults; therefore shall not be - surprized if I see myself sacrificed to some despicable wretch: but - any, _any_ thing is better than to be in the power of such a tyrant! - Madam, answered Pivet, you need not fear the being compelled to - accept of an unworthy object: Mr Faulkland declares, that if you - should absolutely dislike the gentleman, when you see him, he will - be far from constraining you to take him for your husband. The other - choice is still open to you, and, by what I can judge, Mr Faulkland - seems to wish you would give that the preference. I would die first, - cried Mrs Gerrarde--The fool, does he think I can be so entrapped? - No, no; the authority of a husband, even of Faulkland's chusing, - cannot be such a bar to my revenge as the walls of a nunnery would - be.--Sir, I think myself obliged to you, and flatter myself you - would have served me if you could. I may yet have it in my power to - make you a return for your kind intentions towards me. I presume, - when Mr Faulkland has disposed of his property, you will then be - absolved of your promise to him in regard to me, and will still have - charity enough to befriend an unfortunate woman. She wept, and Pivet - owned he was ready to do so too; but constraining himself, protested - she should command his life; and withdrew full of seeming - uneasiness. - - He told me what had passed between him and the lady, and I could not - help approving his management of the scene, though the rogue had - stretched beyond the truth; but stratagems, you know, are allowable - in love, and a lover he was now become in good earnest. - - He had taken care to alarm Mrs Gerrarde's apprehensions at every - passage of access. He had informed her, that I had a husband for her - in my thoughts; and at the same time, that he avoided the most - distant hint of its being himself, he engaged her favour by seeming - to wish it _were_. Then he took care to insinuate, at least, a - possibility of her being refused by the person designed for her, and - this he very naturally supposed would raise his own consequence with - her, in case any suspicion should fall on him, of his being the - intended husband. He pretended I had taken umbrage at his visiting - her, still more to inflame her resentment against me, and increase - her impatience to deliver herself out of my hands; at the same time - he artfully hinted that he was not the man destined to be happy. - This, as he saw already he was not unacceptable to her, he thought - would make him doubly welcome, when she should find herself no worse - off. Then the nunnery was mentioned, in terrorem, with broad hints - of my resolution. In short, Pivet played his part so cunningly, that - it had all the effect he could have wished; and Mrs Gerrarde, - finding her spirit matched, was obliged to surrender at discretion. - - I own I did not expect to have succeeded so soon; and without Pivet, - who had now a feeling in the affair, I certainly should not. I - resolved directly to make the best use of the advantage I had - gained. I told Pivet that he should be married the next day. He was - so transported at the thought, that he begged I would give him leave - to go to Mrs Gerrarde, to declare his love and his good fortune - together; for Sir, said he, you know she promises to accept of - whomsoever you propose, and I hope she will not dispise your choice - so much as she thinks she shall. Softly, softly, good Monsieur - Pivet, your violent hurry will spoil all. I do not mean that you - shall see her till to-morrow. Not till to-morrow! Ah Sir! do, I - beseech you, Sir, allow me; she will think it very cruel. (Poor - Pivet, thought I, thou wilt have enough of her). Simpleton (to him), - this day's suspence will forward your business more than all you - could say to her in seven hours: is it not enough you are sure of - her? We have other things now to mind. What plan of life do you - purpose to pursue? You know I have promised to do handsomely for - you. - - Sir, said he, I always intended to follow the business I was bred - to; and if this piece of extraordinary good fortune had _not_ - happened to me, I did purpose, tho' you have been the best of - masters to me, to have asked your permission to return to my - friends, in order to settle in my trade, as I have some capital of - my own. But to be sure, Sir, I shall be directed in this, as in - every thing else, by your will and pleasure. I approve of your - design intirely, said I; but there are certain conditions that must - be previously settled between you and me. In the first place, tell - me honestly, what is the capital you say you are worth. - - He answered, his father had left him about eight thousand livres, - which were in the hands of a banker in Paris, whom he named to me, - and referred me to him for confirmation of the truth of what he told - me. - - Well, said I, this will go a good way towards setting you up in your - own business. Where do you think of settling? - - He answered, Paris was the best place for his trade. - - On that I put an absolute negative; I said Paris was too much - frequented by my countrymen, to be a proper place for Mrs Gerrarde - to make her appearance in, as she was likely to meet there with more - of her acquaintance than might be convenient: I told him I had no - objection to any other large provincial town. - - He said he was born at Dijon, and should like to go thither, as he - had many friends there. - - Be it so, said I: What I purpose doing for you is this. Mrs Gerrarde - has eight hundred pounds of her own; I will add as much more to it, - for which I will give you my bond, till I can have the money - remitted from England; and this you shall settle on her, that she - may be sure of a support in case of your death, and the interest you - shall allow her for her own separate use, but without her knowing - that you are tied down to it, that you may have it in your power to - oblige her. - - He made no reply, but acquiesced with a low bow. - - I laughed at the simplicity of his countenance. Pivet, said I, - though I have taken care of Mrs Gerrarde's interest, I do not intend - to neglect yours, provided you make no demur to the terms. You - already know my reasons for proceeding as I have done in this - affair. I have great cause to apprehend Mrs Gerrarde's vindictive - spirit, if she should find means, which I know she will endeavour - at, to lay open the real state of this transaction to some people in - England. This might frustrate all that I have been at so much pains - to accomplish; be it your care then to prevent it. I cannot wish you - to use harsh measures with your wife; but if you have address enough - to prevent a correspondence with any one in England, (an elopement, - for both your sakes, I am not willing to suppose; though I think, - for some time at least, you must keep a strict eye over her) if, as - I said, you can prevent a correspondence, I think it will answer my - purpose; and that I may make it your interest to do this, I will - bind myself, by as strong an obligation as the law can make, to pay - you two hundred pounds a year English, so long as you keep your wife - within the bounds prescribed; provided, if, after three years, I - find those terms no longer necessary, they shall, if I then chuse - it, become void. I shall also add something to enable you to fit up - a house and a shop, that you need not be under a necessity of - breaking in upon your capital. - - Pivet's gratitude overflowed at his lips for this (as he called it) - noble provision. He said, he made no doubt of gaining so far upon - Mrs Gerrarde's affections, as to be able effectually to fulfil his - covenant, without using violent methods; but, said he, at all - events, I warrant you shall hear no more of her. - - Preliminaries thus adjusted, I sent for a notary of reputation, to - whom I gave instructions to draw up two separate articles for the - purposes mentioned; the latter was to be a secret between Pivet and - me, as it was by no means proper for Mrs Gerrarde to be let into it. - The other, which regarded her own particular settlement, was - intended for her perusal and approbation. I charged the notary to - use dispatch, and he promised to have both the papers ready by next - morning, as also the bond which I was to give Pivet for the payment - of eight hundred pounds. - - The lawyer brought the papers according to his promise, and they - were signed, sealed, and delivered in due form. That which was to be - the private agreement between Pivet and me, was worded in - consequence of an article which I drew up myself, and made Pivet - sign; wherein I set forth particulars at large. - - Pivet was very impatient to see his beloved, but a little uneasy - lest she should be disgusted with him, when she should come to know - the situation he had been in. I bid him not be discouraged, telling - him I should set off that circumstance of his having been my - gentleman (for so I chose to call him) in the most favourable light. - I presented him with a very elegant suit of cloaths, which I had - never worn, and which fitted him very well, as you know he is nearly - my size. You cannot imagine how handsome the fellow looked when he - was dressed, for he had linnen and every thing else suitable to his - cloaths. - - I then desired him to wait on his goddess; but he, who had been so - eager a little before, was now quite abashed at the thoughts of - making his pretensions known to the lady, and intreated me to - present him to her. I saw he was quite disconcerted at the serious - scene he was going to engage in. - - I pitied him, and told him I would go with him to Mrs Gerrarde; but - that it was proper first to prepare her a little. - - He said he thought so too. - - I immediately sent for Rachael, and speaking to her at the door, - without letting her see Pivet, I bid her tell her mistress that I - purposed making her a visit in half an hour, and should introduce - the gentleman, whom I expected she would, according to her promise, - receive at my hands for her husband; reserving to herself still the - liberty of chusing the other alternative, in case she disliked him. - - Pivet shewed the sollicitude of a lover, after this message was sent - to his mistress; Poor dear lady, said he, how I pity her? What must - she suffer in this interval? But your presence, Monsieur Pivet, said - I, will dispel all her fears, and make her the happiest of women. - - The poor fellow was out of countenance, and I dare say as anxious as - Mrs Gerrarde. - - As I received no answer from her to my message, I construed her - silence as leave to attend her; and accordingly, at the appointed - time, I entered her apartment, leading Pivet by the hand. - - She was sitting at a table, leaning her head on one of her hands; - she cast a look of scorn at me, and immediately withdrew her eyes, - not so much as deigning to glance them at Pivet, little imagining - that it was _he_ who accompanied me, though she knew it was her - intended bridegroom. - - Pivet was not able to speak; he trembled, and, like a true - inamorato, ran to her, clapt one knee to the ground, and ventured, - though with great diffidence, to take one of her hands. - - This action obliged the haughty fair one to vouchsafe him a glance - at her eye. - - Her surprize, spite of her assumed airs of grandeur, was not to be - concealed; it was apparent, she coloured, and though she intended to - have been solemn and lofty, she even _stared_; and I could discover - a little gleam of pleasure dance over her countenance. - - What! Monsieur Pivet? And then she looked at me, as if for an - explanation. - - Yes, madam, said I, Monsieur Pivet _is_ the man. (I was going to say - the _happy_ man, but I did not mean to compliment her; my business - was to make her think I was doing her a favour). It has been your - good fortune to make a conquest of him; and in the hope of your - making him a good wife, as I am sure he will make you a good - husband, I have consented to the match; and I spoke this in the tone - of one, who thinking he has conferred a great obligation on an - undeserving object, expects to be thanked for it. - - The woman, with all her art and assurance to boot, was quite - confounded. I did not give her time to recover herself, but taking - the settlement out of my pocket, and reading it to her, Look there, - madam, and see if I have injured you in the disposal of your person - and your fortune. - - Mrs Gerrarde, always alert when her interest was in the question, - took the paper, and notwithstanding her confusion, read it entirely - over. Pivet's handsome appearance, joined to her former - prepossessions, had made so good an impression on her, that she - began to think the matter worth attending to. When she had read the - paper, she put it into Pivet's hands. Sir, said she, it should - appear by this that you have acted generously; but as I have already - been imposed upon by that gentleman (looking at me) all this may, - for ought I know, be a deceit; but as it is not in my power to make - terms for myself, it is to no purpose for me to make objections, or - to enquire any farther. I am ready to accept your offer, only I - should be glad to know who the man is, that I am to make my husband. - - She spoke this with such an air of disdain, that the poor lover, - shrunk up and diminished in his own eyes, left me to make an answer. - Mrs Gerrarde, said I, I declare to you solemnly that there is no - deception in any thing which you see, nor any foul play meant to - you. This young man, whom I now present to you for your husband, is - well born, and has many genteel relations in this country; he has it - in his power, to my certain knowlege, to make good the settlement he - proposes for you, which I will take care to see properly secured. - That part of it which is your own property, you have now in your - possession, the other half I know is his. He was brought up to a - creditable business, which he intends to follow. I know him to be - good natured, and of an obliging temper. He lived with me some time, - and accompanied me in my travels. I suppose his having been my - gentleman, which station he did not accept through necessity, will - not be a material objection (and I smiled and affected to look very - proud), and I only mention it to convince you that I have no design - of deceiving you, or concealing any part of his character. - - Pivet coloured (for I stole a side glance at him) and looked - sheepish. He began an aukward compliment with a bow, and 'I hope, - madam'--but I relieved him; and speaking to Mrs Gerrarde, You know - all now, madam, that can be known; therefore, if you are disposed to - keep your word, let us put an end to this business to-day. To-day, - Sir! Yes, to-day, madam. What occasion is there for farther delay? - - Pivet now plucked up his courage, and begged, since she had - consented, that she would not defer his happiness. I told her, - between mirth and chiding, that I was in haste to get rid of my - charge, and was therefore determined to make her over to Mr Pivet - that evening; and telling her I would give orders about the - ceremony, left the lovers to make out for themselves a scheme of - conjugal felicity. Pivet pleaded his own cause so effectually, that, - in the evening, I had the satisfaction of bestowing, with my own - hand, that inestimable treasure of virtue and meekness, Mrs - Gerrarde, on my faithful Squire, Monsieur Pivet; to the no small joy - of the latter, and I believe, if the truth were known, to the no - great mortification of the former. Mrs Rachael and myself were the - only witnesses of this illustrious union. - - When the ceremony was over, I approached, according to custom, to - congratulate and salute the bride; but she turned her saucy cheek to - me, and affected the whole night vast dignity of behaviour; yet it - was so foreign to her nature, that it appeared ridiculous; however - it was better than ranting. - - I invited them both to sup with me, and treated Pivet with a - familiar civility that seemed to please him highly, as it did him - credit in the presence of his lady. - - After supper, Pivet entreated me to complete the friendly and - generous offices I had already done him, by undertaking the - settlement of all money matters for him. As he knew I intended to go - to Paris, he begged I would receive for him the sum he had in the - hands of the banker, which, he said, if I would remit to him, it - would enable him to enter upon his business immediately. At the same - time he (with no ill grace) presented me my bond again, assuring me - he relied entirely upon my honour for the execution of my promise to - him, farther requesting that I would put that, together with Mrs - Gerrarde's money, if she approved of it, into such hands as I should - judge most proper for her advantage. - - I was pleased at the openness of his proceedings, and promised to do - every thing for their mutual satisfaction; but insisted on his - keeping the bond, or lodging it in some proper hand, till I could - redeem it, by paying the money, which I should take care should be - speedily done. I told him, I thought the sooner he set out for his - own province the better. He said, he should be ready the next day, - if Mrs Gerrarde (for he did not yet presume to call her by his name) - did not object to it. He appealed to her with his looks. - - She had scarce condescended to open her lips before; but now - answered, You may be sure, Sir, I shall not think it too soon to get - out of a prison. - - He asked her if she chose to take her maid Rachael along with her? - - Certainly, she said; I should not be fond of having a servant about - me, by whom I should not be understood. - - Rachael was now called in, and the thing proposed to her. She seemed - rather inclined to return to England; but I told her, she could not, - in gratitude, desert her lady in a strange country; and that if she - had a mind to make me her friend, which she should find me upon any - future occasion, she would attend her home, and continue with her - till her mistress was willing to part with her. - - The girl upon this consented to stay, and received Mrs Gerrarde's - orders to prepare for their departure the next day. - - In the morning I made Pivet a present for his travelling charges, - and Rachael another; telling her, according to the account I had of - her behaviour, that I would be kind to her. She made me all the - promises that I could desire; assuring me, that it was purely to - oblige me that she staid with Mrs Gerrarde. - - Pivet told me, that he would send the sum which his wife had, in - bills to me, to be appropriated in the manner agreed on: for he - said, that having that morning mentioned to her my generosity, in - relation to the bond, she had owned, that, notwithstanding her - resentment to me, she had no distrust of my honour in _those_ - particulars. - - I took this opportunity of telling Pivet, that when he could get his - wife in the humour, he might prevail on her to give an instrument, - impowering my steward to receive the little income of her jointure - at Ashby, which I would take care should be remitted to him; for, - trifling as it was, it might be serviceable. - - When they were ready to set forward on' their journey, I begged - leave to speak a few words to madam Pivet by herself. She seemed not - inclined to the conference, but her husband very obligingly pressing - her not to part with me in enmity, and at the same time quitting the - room, she was obliged to hear me. - - I then very frankly asked her pardon for the lengths I had gone; - telling her, that I hoped time, and her own good sense, would - convince her that she was more obliged to me, than her passion would - then give her leave to see. Remember, madam, I have kept my word - with you. You are now married to a very deserving young man; you - have a competent support during your life. Happiness is in your - power if you do not wilfully cast it away from you. Shew now that - greatness of mind of which you have so often boasted, by forgiving - the man, who has, as you think, injured you; and resolving at once - on a behaviour that shall, in your turn, intitle you, not only to - the forgiveness, but even to the esteem, of those whom you have - injured. - - I would have preached on, and given her more good advice, but she - cut me short, with this decisive answer. Sir, I neither desire your - counsel nor your good opinion; Mr Pivet _may_ deserve some regard - from me, but _you_ I will never forgive, and she flung from me. - - I called in Pivet, and telling him I was infinitely pleased at the - good disposition I found his lady in, I wished him all happiness and - a safe journey, and they set out directly for Dijon. - - And now, my dear Bidulph, stop, to praise, to admire, to wonder at - my virtue! I, who have had one of the finest women in England in my - possession, for so many days (and by the way was not her aversion) - to yield up her (by me) unpolluted charms to the arms of another! - Add to this, that it has cost me more to make one woman honest, than - it need have done to have made half a dozen--otherwise. I had like - to have writ a strange ugly word, that was just at the nib of my - pen. - - If you relate my story with the laudable partiality of a friend, - judiciously abolishing the context (for which you may have many - precedents), and neatly splicing together the useful fragments, - shall I not appear to posterity as great as Scipio himself? Ah! Sir - George, if we knew the secret springs of many of those actions which - dazzle us, in the histories of the renowned heroes of old, it is not - impossible but the wonderous page might dwindle into as - insignificant a tale as mine is. - - Well, I thank my good genius that has led me safely through such a - labyrinth as I had got into. In getting rid of that woman (and not - disgracefully neither), I feel as if I had shaken off a great load. - But what a graceless baggage it is, not to thank me for my kindness. - I, who have been more than a father to her, in saving her first from - perdition, and then settling her well in the world--but there is no - obliging some tempers. - - I shall leave this place to-morrow, for I must hasten to Paris, to - put every thing on a good footing for the new-married pair; and then - I will go and ramble I do not care whither, for another year. I - shall lodge at Paris, where I did before, and desire you will write - to me directly an account of all that passes within the circle of - your family. Let your sister and my lady Bidulph know in what manner - I have disposed of Mrs Gerrarde, but be sure you do it discreetly, - and take care not to mention that paultry circumstance of her - settlement, or any other private agreement with Pivet. I know Mrs - Arnold's delicacy would be hurt by the knowlege of this; therefore - beware of dropping the least hint of it, at your peril. Tell Lady - Bidulph I will pray devoutly for her daughter's happiness; if what I - have done will promote it, it will not a little contribute to my - own; tho' I begin to feel it is not to be expected in this life, at - least by such a hopeless wanderer as I am. - - I could sit now, and indite melancholy verses, or write an elegy, or - make my will, or do any other splenetic thing: in short, I have a - good mind to turn monk and go into a monastery. I am sure I should - have lady Bidulph's vote for that. - - Adieu, my dear Bidulph, you will not hear from me again, perhaps, - till I am in another region. - - _Nov. 30._ - - - _December 17_ - -What a strange man this is, my Cecilia! The more I reflect on his -conduct, the more I am amazed! What a mixture is there in his nature! -Wild to a romantic degree in his conceptions, yet how steady, how -resolute, how consistent, in putting those flights of fancy into act! -Generous he certainly is; how few men would put themselves to the -trouble and expence that he has done, from such a disinterested, such a -compassionate motive! Nay, on the contrary, I believe most men would be -cruel enough to take a sort of pleasure in the vexation of a man, who -had succeeded to the love of a mistress, once so much valued; and would -enjoy a mean triumph in being, though without reason, the object of -_his_ jealousy, who had cut them off from all hope. - -Mr Faulkland is above this. I think myself highly indebted to him, -whether the scheme he has in so extraordinary a manner undertaken for my -service succeeds or not. Yet do I wish from my heart, that the -separation between Mr Arnold and Mrs Gerrarde had been brought about by -any other means. What if Mr Arnold should ever come at the truth -(though I think that hardly possible), might it not leave him more -estranged from me than he is even now? or if he should, in consequence -of this odd adventure, return to his poor banished wife, repent of his -injurious suspicions of her, and restore her to his confidence and love, -can he, can he ever restore to her that peace she has so long been a -stranger to? Will no latent sparks of former unkindness ever rekindle -and light up the fire of discord? How unwillingly do we repair the -unprovoked injuries which we find we have done to others! Poor Mr -Arnold; if I am so happy as to have my innocence cleared to him, how -miserable will his own reflections make him! but if he _is_ convinced -(which has been my daily and hourly prayers), he _shall_ not be unhappy, -if I can make him otherwise. Oh! my dear, it is the wish, the ardent -longing of my soul, to recover the esteem, though I lose the love, of Mr -Arnold! for I call that Being to witness, who knows the secrets of all -hearts, that since I have been his wife, I have never, even in thought, -swerved from that perfect and inviolable fidelity which I vowed to him. -What then must have been my sufferings, deprived of his love, cast out -from his house, and branded with the dreadful name of an Adultress? For -where is the difference between the intention and the act? To me there -is no distinction, and the husband must be gross that makes one. - -My mother has suffered me to tell her the substance of Mr Faulkland's -letters, though she would not read them. I own I was better satisfied -that she should receive her information thus, because his light manner -of expressing himself in many places would have given her great offence. -Sir George did not consider this when he submitted the letters to my -mother's as well as my perusal. Many grave animadversions did she make -during my recital, and many times lift up her eyes in wonder at Mrs -Gerrarde's behaviour. She often said Mr Faulkland was frantic to -undertake such a thing, and wished he had not taken such a _terrible_ -woman in hand. When I came to that part of the account where Mrs -Gerrarde had been prevailed on to write to Mr Arnold, I begged she would -give me leave to read the copy of the letter to her, as I assured her -there was nothing in it but would give her pleasure. - -She consented; and I read it, leaving out Mr Faulkland's apostrophes. My -mother did not interrupt me; and finding she continued silent when I -came to the conclusion, I looked at her, and saw tears running down her -cheeks. Yes, my dear, my innocent child, said she, passionately throwing -her arms round me, you _were_ wronged; God knows you were wronged; and -He now proclaims your innocence even from the mouth of your most -inveterate enemy. And lifting up her eyes, Thou hast turned the hearts -of sinners to the wisdom of the just; therefore shall the righteous give -Thee thanks. And then, God forgive that woman all her sins for this one -act, and God forgive Mr Faulkland _his_ sins, and reward him for this -goodness. Sure your husband will relent now; sure he will long to take -my poor, forsaken, virtuous child (and her tears gushed as she spoke), -to his bosom again. - -I could not answer her for some time; my own tears almost choaked me: at -last I said, My dear mother, I have no doubt of Mr Arnold's returning -kindness: he will, I hope, be convinced that I am guiltless, and we may -yet be happy. - -She dried her eyes: God send, God send you may! But what has Mr -Faulkland done with his poor penitent? I hope he will behave honourably -to her; for this excellent parent had no doubt but that the letter, -written by Mrs Gerrarde was, in a great measure, the result of her own -contrition; for as I had not been minute in giving her a particular -account of all the previous steps taken by Mr Faulkland to obtain it -from her, she had not the least idea that Mrs Gerrarde had writ in that -manner from any other motive than the good one which appeared obvious to -her. - -I told her, that I feared Mrs Gerrarde was far from being the penitent -she supposed her; and then acquainted her with the true reasons which -had induced her to write in the manner she had done. I then proceeded to -tell her of her behaviour after writing the letter, and how Mr Faulkland -had acted in consequence of that; concluding with informing her of Mrs -Gerrarde's being married, and provided for in a very reputable way. - -My mother was highly delighted at this last circumstance; for, she said, -Mr Faulkland had no right to be the punisher of her crimes; and if he -had not made a decent provision for her, she would never have looked -upon him but as a dishonest person. - -She told me, that though she was very glad, upon the whole, that Mr -Arnold and that bad woman were separated, yet she was nevertheless not -quite so well satisfied with the manner of it; for I think, said she, -that it is impossible but that a man of Mr Arnold's good sense must, one -time or other, have been convinced of his error, and, of his own accord, -returned to a right way of thinking. - -I answered, that might possibly have happened; but that he might have -continued long enough under his infatuation intirely to ruin his family: -and as for what regarded me in particular, I knew of no means so likely -to remove his unjust suspicions effectually, as those which Mr Faulkland -had taken. - -You are right, my dear, said she; let us hope the best. I am glad Mr -Faulkland does not mean to return soon to England: there is but one -event which could ever reconcile me to his doing so; and that is, in -order to do justice to the unfortunate Miss Burchell. If he would wipe -out that blot in his character by marrying her, I should again allow him -to be a good man: at present, I own, I can't help being dissatisfied, -that one, so blameable as I think him, should have laid my daughter -under the obligations which he has done. - -I said it would rejoice me if he could be prevailed on to make Miss -Burchell the reparation she mentioned; but I feared she had no advocate -with Mr Faulkland; though I was of opinion, if he were made acquainted -with the life of sorrow she led, as well as her reserved and modest -behaviour, he would be inclined to favour her; especially if he were to -see the poor little boy. - -My mother said, He never could expect quiet of mind, till he had wiped -the tears from her eyes. - -Miss Burchell came in while we were speaking of her: my mother is always -glad to see her. The poor girl had been exceedingly shocked at Mr -Faulkland's carrying away her aunt. She thought this action put such an -invincible bar between her and her hopes (almost desperate before), that -it went near to distract her; for though there was no consanguinity in -the case, yet the degree of relationship between her and Mrs Gerrarde, -made her look upon this amour (for so she considered it) with the utmost -horror. She had so often expressed her sense of it in so lively a -manner, both to my mother and me, that had Mr Faulkland even been -inclined to offer his hand, she could not, consistently either with -virtue or common decency, have accepted of it. - -My mother, ever delighted with acts of humanity, was in haste to -communicate the true state of the case to Miss Burchell. It was her -interest to keep our secret; therefore I made no scruple of trusting her -with it; especially as I knew it would so much contribute to her peace -of mind. - -My mother accosted her with saying, Miss Burchell, I have something to -tell you, that I believe will give you pleasure. The unhappy young woman -lifted up her melancholy eyes; and, shaking her head, answered, _That_, -I believe, Madam, is now impossible. Your aunt is married, said my -mother, but not to Mr Faulkland; and, what is more, there has never any -thing passed between them that need be a bar to you, if he could be -brought to consider you as he ought. Miss Burchell looked amazed; then -turned her eyes from my mother to me, as if for an explanation. My -mother desired me to acquaint her with the history at large of Mr -Faulkland's proceedings; I did so, and took care not to omit the tender -manner in which he had mentioned her in one of his letters. She dropped -some tears at the recital; and then, turning to my mother, My dear good -Madam, you have snatched me from despair by this discovery: I was -overwhelmed; I think I could not have got the better of my grief: a -faint ray of glimmering hope is once more let in upon me. Mr Faulkland -may _yet_ be mine without a crime; or, if he is not, I shall at least -have the satisfaction to think him not so abandoned as he appeared to me -an hour ago. Oh! worthy and lovely Mrs Arnold! said she, addressing -herself to me, you see how Mr Faulkland reveres you: oh! that you would -but engage in my behalf! _you_ can influence his heart; _you_ can guide -his reason; _you_ are his fate! - -Her fine eyes, which she fixed on me, filled with persuasive eloquence, -let me into the whole of her meaning, and conveyed more to me than it -was in the power of words to do. I understand you, dear Madam, said I; -and it grieves my heart to think that I cannot, must not interest myself -for you in the manner I would most ardently undertake to do, if there -were not such obstacles in my way as it is impossible for me to get -over. Mr Faulkland, you see, is free from the guilt we all feared he had -plunged himself into: he is full of remorse for the injury he did you, -and I dare believe retains in his heart a tender sense of your merit: he -is still free; nay, he has declared his intention of continuing so. -These circumstances give large room for hope: your unobjectionable -conduct, joined to paternal affection, may still bring about that -wished-for, happy event; but this must be left to time, and the workings -of his own heart. You know Mr Faulkland is, in his natural temper, -impatient of restraint; he is but a very young man, and has a few of -those levities which a little more settled age infallibly will correct, -where a good heart and a good understanding are united. Pardon me if I -add, that Mr Faulkland is not ungenerous, however blameable he may have -been in regard to you. All these circumstances considered, I say, may -warrant your indulging a hope, that he will at last be brought to make -you the reparation, which is mine and my mother's wish as much as your -own. Ah! Madam, said she, but Mr Faulkland is a great way from me: the -remembrance of me is already but too much worn out; distance, time, and -a variety of objects, must intirely efface it. _Your_ hand, the powerful -magic of _your_ touch, would soon brighten up the colouring of those -faint, faded traces, that he but scarcely preserves of me in his memory. -What could not your pen, guided by a heart so tender, so sympathizing -with the grief of others, effect on the man who considers you as a -divinity? If he had any hopes of _you_, Madam, it would be presumption -in me to put in my claim; but, as you cannot be my rival, be my -advocate: do, dear angelic lady! (and she lifted up her hands to me -fervently) write to Mr Faulkland, if you can restore him to me, what -prayers will I not pour out for your happiness? - -My mother, who was greatly affected by her discourse, said to me, -Indeed, my dear, if you could effect that, it would be a very -meritorious work. Who knows what the high opinion Mr Faulkland has of -you, and the great deference he pays to your judgment, may produce? - -I was sorry my good mother's openness of heart had made her enter so -suddenly into Miss Burchell's sentiments: it encouraged her to renew her -intreaties; she snatched both my mother's hands, and kissed them; she -wanted words to thank her. - -I was unwilling to appear cold in Miss Burchell's interest, or to refuse -doing what my mother seemed to approve; but the resolution I had long -before made, never to see, or on any account whatsoever to hold the -least correspondence with Mr Faulkland, determined me. If strict -prudence might on so extraordinary an occasion have dispensed with this -promise, which, as I had made it to my own heart, I thought amounted -almost to a vow, I could not however answer it to that decorum, which I -had, as an inviolable law, determined to guide myself by, in so critical -a situation. And I resolved to have it in my power to say, in case Mr -Arnold and I were ever to unite again, that I had not in the smallest -article departed from it. - -I told Miss Burchell there was but one reason which could prevent me -from complying with her request; but it was one of so much weight with -me, that, after my informing her of it, I hoped she would be so good as -not to urge me farther. I did, said I, upon my parting with my husband, -make a firm resolution, not only never to see Mr Faulkland, but never to -receive from, or write a line to him, nor in any manner whatsoever to -keep up the least intercourse with him. - -I did not know but that Mr Faulkland (if he should learn the truth) -considering himself to be (as he really was, though innocently) the -cause of that unfortunate separation, might, either with a design of -consoling me, or of vindicating himself from any suspicion of blame, -have endeavoured to see me or write to me. In this I was mistaken; his -prudence, or his respect for me, prevented him from attempting either. -The resolution I had made, however, I thought due to my husband's -honour, as well as my own. The same cause still subsists; the weight of -it perhaps more in my own imagination than in reality; but if it even be -so, indulge me, dear Madam (to my mother), and dear Miss Burchell, in -this singularity. I have (not improbably) the happy prospect of being -restored to Mr Arnold's esteem; let me then be able to assure him, that -these eyes, these ears, these hands, have been as guiltless as my heart, -and all equally estranged from Mr Faulkland. This is a declaration I -think due to that punctilio, or, give me leave to call it, that -delicacy, I have endeavoured to preserve in all my conduct. Mother! you -always taught me to avoid even the shadow of reproach. - -Very true, my dearest, answered my mother; I believe you are in the -right. Miss Burchell, I think my daughter cannot, conformably to that -discretion by which she has always been governed, undertake your cause -at present: it did not appear to me at first in the light wherein Sidney -has now put it. - -Miss Burchell made no answer, but by her tears; we were both affected, -and I wished sincerely to have had it in my power to serve her. I told -her, if Mr Arnold and I should ever be re-united, that I would endeavour -to draw him so far over to our party, as to obtain his permission to -correspond with Mr Faulkland: that I was sure he would join with me in -wishing her the reparation she hoped for; and that I would make no -scruple of engaging warmly for her in such a case. But then, Madam, said -she, with what face can you interest yourself for me, so long as Mr -Arnold shall think that my aunt has been criminal with Mr Faulkland? -That thought, said I, did not occur to me before, and is indeed a -difficulty; for should Mr Arnold know that the elopement of Mrs Gerrarde -was against her will, and the letter she wrote him extorted from her by -Mr Faulkland, it might perhaps injure me as much in his opinion, as Mrs -Gerrarde's false suggestions had done before. Those intricacies, dear -Miss Burchell, must be left to time, which I hope may unravel them -favourably for us all. The attempt to disclose this affair to Mr Arnold -must not be sudden; indeed I must be well assured of his restored -confidence and affection before I can venture upon it at all. Whenever -that joyful event happens, assure yourself of my best endeavours to -serve you, if I have really any influence over Mr Faulkland, and -circumstances should so happily concur as to put it in my power to make -use of it. - -Be contented, good Miss Burchell, said my mother, with this promise -which my daughter has made you: if Mr Arnold and she should live -together again, Mr Faulkland may probably return to England; as nothing -I believe now keeps him abroad, but to avoid giving Mr Arnold umbrage in -the present unhappy disunion between him and his wife. - - - _December 18_ - -My brother continues sullen; he seldom visits us, and when he does, the -meeting on his part is cold. He has made himself master of many -particulars relating to poor Mr Arnold's unhappy connection with Mrs -Gerrarde; for since her elopement the affair has been more talked of -than it was before, and her whole history traced out. She was the -daughter of an innkeeper in a country town, and ran away with Captain -Gerrarde, in his march through it, upon an acquaintance of but a few -days. The husband, who was passionately fond of her, concealed the -meanness of her birth, and put her off to his relations for a young lady -of a reputable family, with whom he got a good fortune. This induced his -sister, a widow lady, the mother of Miss Burchell, to leave at her death -the care of the unhappy girl to captain Gerrarde. The captain, whose -infirmities increased fast upon him a few years after his marriage, got -leave to retire upon half-pay into the country; and he lived for the -most part at Ashby, a little estate which he had purchased and settled -upon his wife: it seems he had a pretty good personal fortune, which she -had squandered, for his fondness could refuse her nothing, except living -apart from him at London, which he could never consent to, though it was -always her desire; but being debarred of this, she betook herself to -such pleasures as the country afforded, and was always a leading woman -at horse-races, assemblies, and such other amusements, as were within -her reach; which, together with expensive treats at home, and -card-playing (her supreme delight) left her at his death, which happened -about five years after their marriage, in the indigent state she in her -account of herself to Mr Faulkland acknowleges. It was then Mr Arnold -became acquainted with her, and in the manner she represented; for my -brother has lately fallen into the acquaintance of that very _relation_ -(as she calls him) which she mentions, a Mr Pinnick, at whose lodgings -they first met. This gentleman, who was in reality nothing more than an -humble servant of the lady's, though she called him cousin, the better -to skreen a more particular connection, was so provoked at her deserting -him in favour of Mr Arnold, whom he said he was sure she had insnared, -that he made no scruple of telling all he knew of her. He said, she had -two brothers, very great profligates; one of whom had been put into -prison for forgery, and would have been hanged, had not Mr Arnold, at -the expence of a very considerable sum, saved his life. The other, some -very mean retainer to the law, a plausible fellow, and Mrs Gerrarde's -great favourite, for whom she had art and influence enough to prevail on -Mr Arnold to purchase a considerable employment. It would be endless, -said Mr Pinnick, to tell you the variety of stratagems she made use of -to get money out of those whom she had in her power, and who were able -to supply her. I, for my part, was not rich enough for her, which was -the chief reason I suppose of Mr Arnold's supplanting me; and I take it -for granted, that those arts, which she practised on me to little -effect, succeeded better with him. One time her poor father was in gaol, -and his whole family would be undone, and her mother sent a begging, if -he was not relieved from his distress, by a trifling sum; fifty pounds -would do. Another time her sister's husband, a country shopkeeper, was -upon the point of breaking, and would be inevitably ruined if he was not -assisted. And then she had a formal letter to produce from her sister -upon the melancholy occasion. These circumstances she made no scruple of -laying open to me, as she knew I was no stranger to her origin, having -resided for some years in the town where she formerly lived, though I -did not then know her. Her mother was a Roman Catholick; and in order to -have her daughter brought up in the same principles with herself, had -her sent to a relation in Dublin, where she received her education in a -nunnery. Though her artifices to get money from me were grown quite -stale, I make no doubt but she practised them all over again on poor -Arnold. She was not contented with the lodgings _I_ had placed her in, -but obliged him to take a handsome house, elegantly furnished for her: a -very fine chariot and horses were the next purchase; for a hired one the -lady would not vouchsafe to sit in: and I am sure I have seen her in the -boxes at the play, with as many jewels on her as any lady there. - -All these ungrateful particulars, which Sir George had received from Mr -Pinnick, he took a sort of ill natured pleasure in repeating to my -mother and me. Unhappy Mr Arnold, into what a gulph didst thou unwarily -plunge thyself! Is it not amazing that this affair was even so long a -secret? That it was so to _me_ is not strange; for it is natural to -suppose that I must have been the last person to receive a hint of this -nature; but that my brother should never have been informed of it is -surprizing! 'Tis certain Mr Arnold was at first very cautious in his -visits, making them generally at night, and even then he never was -carried in his own chariot. I am shocked to think of the mischiefs which -I fear he has done to his temporal affairs, for his children's sake as -well as his own; but since he is delivered from the thraldom in which -this woman held him, the rest, I hope, by future good management, may be -retrieved. Would to heaven! I had nothing left me to lament, but the -waste of his fortune. Sir George says he is sure he is deeply in debt. -The law-suit too I hear is likely to go against us; if that is to be the -case, it will be a blow indeed! - - - _December 19_ - -How miserable is a state of suspence! I am, if possible, more unhappy -now, than when I was without hope of recovering my dear, and now more -dear, because undone Mr Arnold. Our cause came to a final hearing many -days ago (though I was not told it till this morning), and only prepared -for it yesterday, and it is given against us. Mr Arnold by this stroke -loses 900 pounds a year, besides considerable costs. Nothing now remains -but my jointure. Into what an abyss of misery is my unfortunate husband -plunged! Oh! that I could but see him! that I could but regain his -confidence, that I might sooth and comfort him in his afflictions! - -My brother is very unkind; after telling me the fatal news, he said, he -thought I should be much to blame if I returned to Mr Arnold, though he -were even desirous of it. What prospect can you have with him but -beggary? said he; for I suppose his next step will be to wheedle you out -of your jointure, the only support you have now left for yourself and -your children. - -Oh! brother, brother, said I, you have no heart! I could say no more, -for I burst into tears. - -Perhaps you may not be put to the trial, answered he cruelly; but if you -should, you are to take your own way Mrs Arnold, for my advice had never -any weight with you or my mother. - -My mother replied, Sir George, you do not use either me or your sister -well. Let her, in the name of God, follow the dictates of her duty. If -the unfortunate Mr Arnold sees his error, can you be so unchristian as -to endeavour at steeling his wife's heart against him? O son! this is -not the way to obtain forgiveness of God for your own faults! Far be it -from Sidney to reject the proffered love of a repenting husband. My dear -(to me) don't afflict yourself; if your husband has grace, you shall -both be as happy together as _I_ can make you. Misfortunes, said, Sir -George, are mighty great promoters of _grace_; I don't doubt but Mr -Arnold will repent most heartily--the having lavished away his fortune; -and the hopes of repairing it, may give him the _grace_ to take his wife -again. - -Sir George, said my mother angrily, you will oblige me if you say no -more on the subject. - -I have done, Madam, said my brother, and took his leave. - -I had almost forgot to tell you by what means the widow Arnold carried -her suit against us. You may remember I informed you she had at the -beginning threatened to produce a witness, who could prove, that her -late husband had been with her on a particular night, a very little time -before his death. Who this witness was, had been kept an impenetrable -secret. She did, however, produce him, when the cause came to be tried; -and this witness proved to be Mrs Gerrarde's brother. That very brother -whom Mr Arnold had redeemed from a gaol and peril of hanging. This man -it seems had been very intimate with her during her husband's life-time, -while she was in a state of separation from him: but whether he was at -all acquainted with the late Mr Arnold, we have no other testimony than -his own. 'Tis however most certain, that she was suspected of an -intrigue with him, and in all human probability that child, which is to -inherit the Arnold estate, is his. - -This concealed villain undoubtedly was the person who first suggested -this vile attempt to her, and secretly abetted her in all her -proceedings. It was after the commencement of the law suit that he was -put into gaol, and Mr Arnold little imagined, when under Mrs Gerrarde's -influence he obtained his liberty, that he was bestowing on this wicked -wretch power to ruin him. - -I do not imagine Mrs Gerrarde was in this secret. I suppose she would -not knowingly have contributed to beggar the man by whom she was -supported in affluence. But be that as it will, the evidence of this -fellow, who was bred an attorney, together with that of Mrs Arnold's -maid, established the proof on which the issue of the whole affair -turned. - -Unfortunately for us, we could find nobody capable of giving any -testimony which could overthrow theirs: and the irregularity of the late -Mr Arnold's life gave these evidences an appearance at least of truth. -God forgive those people the foul play they made use of! I would not -possess a king's revenue on the terms they now enjoy the Arnold estate. -'Tis whispered, that the widow is supposed to be privately married to -this attorney; she owes him a recompence; for I fear he has risqued a -great deal to serve her. The wretch had the affrontery to acknowlege his -obligation to Mr Arnold; and at the same time declared, that nothing but -the justice which he owed the widow, and the orphan of his late friend, -could have extorted a testimony from him to his prejudice. - -I need not tell you in what light my poor Mr Arnold looks upon this -affair. He said to a gentleman, from whom Sir George had the account, -that he was justly punished for having furnished such a villain with the -means of undoing him, and execrates the memory of Mrs Gerrarde, who -prevailed on him to do it; for he scarce knew the fellow at that time, -having only seen him once or twice at her lodgings. But let me drop the -mention of such wretches at once. My heart is full of impatience to hear -something from Mr Arnold. Mrs Gerrarde's letter I fear has had no effect -on him; he must have received it long since. What can this dreadful -silence mean? My mother now expects the advances towards a -reconciliation should be on _his_ side. I would I were rid of my -suspence. - - - _December 20_ - -Lord and Lady V---- arrived in town last night. They sent a compliment -to me as soon as they alighted at their house, which was not till nine -o'clock; and this morning at the same hour I was agreeably surprized by -a visit from my lord: surprized I say, for he is seldom out of bed so -soon. I had him up to my dressing-room; my mother had never seen him, -and as she was undressed did not chuse to appear. Well, my good lady, -said he, after saluting me, have you heard any-thing from Mr Arnold -lately? I told him I had not. I don't know whether you are apprized, -said he, that I am in all your secrets: Mr Faulkland and I correspond, -and I know how all matters stand. You are not made acquainted, perhaps, -that I was aiding and abetting to a certain scheme. I told him that Mr -Faulkland had writ my brother the whole account, and that I was sure of -his kind participation in every thing that related to me. That you may -depend on, said he; the thing cannot be named that I would not do to -serve you. I understand from Mr Faulkland, that Mrs Gerrarde has writ to -Mr Arnold: have you heard of no effects produced by that letter? I told -him, I had never heard a word from Mr Arnold since he had received it. I -hope it will not be long before you will, answered he: I called on you -this morning on purpose to prepare you; for I suspect Arnold wants to be -reconciled: he wrote to me ten days ago, conjuring me in the strongest -terms to come to town, and to prevail on lady V---- to accompany me: he -said he had something of the utmost consequence to consult us upon, in -which our friendship might be of most material advice to him: he -concluded with telling me, that the whole happiness of his life depended -on our complying with his request. Now as this was immediately on his -receiving Mrs Gerrarde's letter, for I had regular intelligence of the -whole proceeding, I flatter myself that it was in consequence of that -letter he made this request, with a design, as I hope, of getting us to -mediate between you. As I could not just then attend his summons, having -business at V---- hall to detain me, I wrote him word, that I should -certainly be in town as on this day; and that lady V---- would be sure -to accompany me. I have not heard from him since till last night, when I -sent a message to his house to desire his company to breakfast with me -this morning; I expect him at ten o'clock. Now I had a mind to inform -you of this opening, which to me seems to promise very favourably for -you. I shall not mention my having seen you, so that I can say nothing -from you to him. I asked him, was my lady acquainted with the affair as -it really stood? He said she was; for that she had been so exasperated -against Mr Faulkland on his first going off with Mrs Gerrarde, whom she -thought he had run away with upon a very different design, that he was -very glad to undeceive her, and that she would presently have done the -same by me, after the letter she had wrote me about that affair, but -that he prevented her, thinking Mr Faulkland would be better pleased to -unravel the mystery himself. He added, that she was too much my friend, -not to enter warmly into my interests, and had been extremely impatient -to come to town. I thanked my lord for his and his lady's friendship. He -then asked me how our law-suit went on? I answered, it had been -determined some days ago, and we had lost our cause. He turned pale at -the news. Good God! what an unfortunate man your husband is, said he! -What will become of him? - -He put an end to his visit immediately, telling me, that either he or -his lady would call on me in the afternoon, to let me know the result of -their conference with Mr Arnold. - -I flew to my mother, to tell her the joyful news. She offered up a -prayer that it might turn out as my lord V---- had suggested; and said, -she herself was of the same opinion. - -With a heart elated with pleasure, my dear Cecilia, I have scribbled -over the occurrences of this morning. God grant I may be able to close -my journal of to-day with the happy wished-for event! - -I never counted the clock with such impatience as I did this day, -waiting the promised visit of lord or lady V----, and I ordered myself -to be denied to all company but them. At one o'clock good lady V---- -came, without my lord. When I heard the rap at the door, and saw from -the window it was her equipage, I was seized with such a trembling, that -when lady V----, who hurried up stairs, entered the room, I was unable -to speak, or salute her. She ran up to me, and taking me by the hand, -affectionately embraced me. My mother was present; I made a shift to -present her to lady V----. She then led me to a chair, and sat down by -me. Come, my dear Mrs Arnold, said she, recover your spirits; all will -be well. I began to apologize for giving her ladyship the trouble of -coming to me, when it was my duty to have waited on her. Do not mention -ceremony, said she, I was in too much haste to bring you good news, to -think of forms. We have had Mr Arnold with us till within this half -hour, and indeed he more deserves your pity now than your resentment. - -Oh! I feared it, said I, and tears started into my eyes. If you are so -affected at the barely knowing this, said my lady, I must not tell you -the particulars of our conversation; it will be enough for you to know, -that your husband is convinced of the injuries he has done you, and -desires nothing more than your forgiveness. - -Dear lady V----, said I, excuse me; my heart is really so softened by -sorrow, that I cannot command my tears. But I beg that may not deter you -from indulging me with the particulars of what passed between you and Mr -Arnold. If I do weep, as my tears no longer proceed from grief, do not -let them interrupt you. - -My mother joined in begging lady V---- to inform us of all that passed -in that morning's interview. - -Lady V---- obligingly complied, and gave the following account of it. - -Mr Arnold came exactly at ten o'clock; my lord was just returned from -his visit to you, and had got in but a few minutes before him. Poor Mr -Arnold looked abashed upon seeing me; his countenance and his voice -discovered the humiliation of his mind. After the first compliments were -over, we sat down to breakfast; your husband drank a dish of coffee, but -eat nothing. We were in haste, that the servants should leave -the room, and dismissed them as soon as we could. My lord then opened -the conversation, by saying, 'Well, Arnold, here are lady V---- and I -come to attend your summons; now tell us what service you have to employ -us in, for I assure you, we are both ready to do you any act of -friendship in our power.' - -My lord, I thank you, said Mr Arnold; the friendship you honour me with, -I flattered myself, some time ago, might have been serviceable to me; I -must not now think of making use of it. When I requested the favour of -lady V----'s presence and your's in town, I meant to intreat your -interposition between me and Mrs Arnold. I know I have wronged her so, -that were she any other than the woman she is, I could never hope for -forgiveness; but from _her_ I did hope it, and thought your good offices -might bring about a reunion. But that is all over, I neither desire nor -wish it now. - -I am sorry for that, Mr Arnold, said I; I am sure nothing in this world -besides can ever make either your lady or you happy. - -Do you know, madam, said he, (and the poor man really looked wildly) -that you see an absolute beggar before you? A man without a foot of -land, overwhelmed with debts, and who shortly will not have a house to -shelter himself in. _I_ deserve it all, but Mrs Arnold does not. Do you -think, that after all the wrongs I have done her, I will involve her in -poverty too? No, lady V----, no. I am not such an abandoned wretch. All -I desire now of your ladyship is, to tell my wife that I beg her -forgiveness, and request she will take care of our two children; though -the scanty pittance that her mother's scrupulous nicety retained for her -will hardly enable her to do it; but while lady Bidulph lives, I believe -she will not see them want. - -He uttered all this with so much eagerness, that we never once attempted -to interrupt him. - -As I did not know then of the loss of your cause, I was surprized to -hear him speak of his circumstances being so desperate, and really -feared his head was turned. But my lord soon explained the matter, by -saying, he had heard that morning of the Issue of his law-suit, yet -still hoped, that matters were not so bad as he represented them to be. -He then told Mr Arnold, he was extremely glad to find that his wife had -recovered his good opinion; adding, that _he_ always had the highest -one of your virtue. It amazes me, Mr Arnold, said I, that you ever could -entertain a doubt of it. So it does _me_ now, madam, said Mr Arnold; but -I have been for this year past in a dream, a horrid delirium, from which -that vile sorceress, who brought it on me, has but just now rouzed me. - -I wanted to draw Mr Arnold to this point. Have you heard any thing of -her since she left you, Sir, said I? - -He drew a letter out of his pocket, and without answering me, put it -into my hands, and desired me to read it; then rose off his chair, and -walked about the room. - -My lord and I read Mrs Gerrarde's letter together; we were both curious -to see it, Mr Faulkland having mentioned it in his correspondence. Mr -Arnold, said I, returning it to him, _without_ any such proof as this, I -believe nobody that knows your lady would think her guilty; nor could I -ever entertain so bad an opinion of Mr Faulkland: I have known him from -his boyish days, and never had reason to believe him capable of a -dishonourable action. - -I believe him innocent, as to _this_, answered Mr Arnold, but you cannot -conceive the pains that were taken by that vile woman to make me think -otherwise; neither would her retracting all she said now work so much on -me, as other corroborating circumstances: her running away with the very -man, of whom she raised my jealousy, after having plundered me of almost -every thing I had to bestow, does not look like a sudden resolution: the -scheme must have been concerted for some time, and Faulkland, I suppose, -was _her_ paramour, at the very time she so basely slandered Mrs Arnold; -for I am not so blind, even to the personal charms of my wife, as to -imagine the greatest inconstant would grow tired of her in so short a -time. - -Why, I must own, said my lord, that is a natural inference, which, -joined to the perfidy and falshood of Mrs Gerrarde, puts it out of -dispute, that she traduced Mr Faulkland and your wife, merely to gain -her own wicked ends; one part of which I am inclined to think she -confesses in her letter; that is to say, to have you intirely in her own -hands, though not for the reason she there gives. Her other motive, I -think, now plainly appears by the consequence: she thought, if you were -jealous of your wife, you would hardly suspect _her_ with the same -person, whose visits, to my knowlege, were pretty frequent at her house. -Then, said I, (throwing my weight into the scale) the unobjectionable -character of Mrs Arnold, her pious education, her modest and -affectionate behaviour to you for so long a time, and the recluse life -that she had led with her mother since you parted, makes the thought of -any ill in her quite incredible. - -Lady V----, said your husband, impatiently, I am as conscious of it all -as you can possibly wish me. I know I am a blind infatuated monster: -What can you say more? Faulkland, I thank you for ridding me of such a -pest; Oh! that you had taken her before I was so curst as to see her -face! If you had, I should not now be the undone wretch I am! My lord, -my lady, will you do me the favour to tell my wife and lady Bidulph, how -contrite I am (and he laid his hand on his breast): while I had any -thing to offer her besides repentance, I could have thrown myself at her -feet for pardon, and conjured her to have returned to my bosom, and to -her own deserted house, from whence my madness drove her; but I have now -no house to bring her to, and do not desire even to see her face. - -His manner was so vehement, that I really feared the agitations of his -mind might disorder his brain. My lord told him he was too desponding, -and said, he hoped all might be yet retrieved. He then enquired into the -particular situation of his affairs, which are, I am grieved to say it, -very bad indeed. We were told, when we were in Kent, that a part of -South-Park was mortgaged, but did not believe it, as we knew it was -settled on you. Upon being asked, Mr Arnold himself acknowleged it, -confessing at the same time, that he had been prevailed on to do this, -in order to deliver Mrs Gerrarde's brother out of gaol, and that it was -the other villainous brother who had transacted the affair for him. I -find, besides this mortgage, that, with the costs of his suit, he owes -near seven thousand pounds; to answer which, he says, he is not worth -six-pence, his plate and the furniture of his houses in town and country -excepted. - -Though I had shed many tears, whilst Lady V---- was describing Mr -Arnold's behaviour at the beginning of her discourse, I heard this -latter part of her account with a composed attention. - -Lady V---- took me by the hand: I am sorry, dear Mrs Arnold, said she, -that I am obliged to repeat such uncomfortable tidings to you, but you -must know all, soon or late, and it as well now as hereafter. I am sure -your patient temper and good sense will enable you to bear up against -misfortunes. - -My lord then proceeded to ask Mr Arnold, if his friends could make his -circumstances a little easier, and Mrs Arnold would consent to live with -him again, had he any objection to it? - -My lord, answered your husband, from the moment I heard of Mrs -Gerrarde's elopement, I flattered myself with the hopes of being -restored to my senses, and my peace, by a reunion with my wife; for I -own to you, her innocence from that very time became evident to me, and -it was mere shame that prevented me from making my application to lady -Bidulph, for the purpose of a reconciliation. The receipt of Mrs -Gerrarde's letter--(whether the wretch has _really_ felt compunction or -whether her cruelty to me, in order to make me more unhappy, has drawn -it from her I know not) the receipt of that letter, I say, wherein Mrs -Arnold's innocence is so entirely cleared, convinced me, I ought not to -delay making my wife all the reparation in my power. Though I was -shocked to think how much I had foolishly squandered away, I was still -in possession of an estate of nine hundred pounds a year; for though it -was then in litigation, my lawyers amused me to the last, with a belief -that I should carry my suit; and notwithstanding that the payment of my -debts would lessen it, I knew, with one of her contented and gentle -spirit, it would be sufficient to make us happy, and her jointure (which -I hoped soon to clear) added to it, would enable us to sit down in the -country in tolerable affluence, and I had come to a resolution to make -it the study of my life to render Mrs Arnold happy. I know she is an -admirable oeconomist; I resolved to imitate her, and hoped in time to -retrieve our circumstances. These were my sentiments, my lord, when I -wrote to you, to beg that you and my lady would come to town. I own I -had not courage enough to make any efforts towards the so much -wished-for reunion, without the interposition of friends, whose good -hearts I knew would rejoice, could their endeavours bring it about, and -whose influence over Mrs Arnold I was certain would make the -accomplishment easy. Do me the justice, my lord, to believe, that if I -had not thought it in my power, to have made Mrs Arnold amends for the -injuries I have done her, this hand should have been sooner employed to -send a bullet thro' my head, than to have endeavoured to procure your -mediation in this affair. - -But as things have turned out, I would not for this earthly globe -involve her in my ruin; nor shall her family have it to say, I sought -their friendship when I was abandoned of every other hope. - -As to that point, answered my lord, I can bear you witness, that your -first overture to me, in order to bring about a reconciliation, arrived -before there was any likelihood of your standing in need of assistance, -either from your wife's friends or your own; for I believe they all, as -well as yourself, were pretty sure of your carrying your suit, which, -if you had done, your affairs might, with a little care, have soon been, -in a great measure, retrieved. Therefore, if they should attempt to make -the ungenerous charge you apprehend, I can confute it, and will to all -the world; and for the rest, we must manage as well as we can. - -My lord then proposed some methods to make his affairs a little more -easy; as I am sure his friendship for Mr Arnold and you will make him -endeavour to settle them to the best of his power. - -My lady V----'s politeness and generosity would not suffer her to -mention the particulars of the methods proposed; but I have reason to -believe, my good lord V----, will interest himself rather farther than I -wish. - -When my lord and Mr Arnold, she proceeded, had talked over these matters -for some time, in which my lord had much ado to get the better of Mr -Arnold's obstinacy, he told him, that I should undertake to explain his -situation to you and lady Bidulph. That he made no doubt of your -tenderness in forgetting all that was past, and being willing to embrace -his fortunes, let them be what they would; for, said he, I am sure Mrs -Arnold will think herself happier with you, on three hundred pounds a -year, than she would with twice so many thousands without you. - -Oh! madam, said I, interrupting her, my lord has read my very heart. - -My lady smiled and went on. Lady Bidulph, said my lord, is so good a -woman, that as she must look on you in the light of a repenting sinner, -you may be assured of her pardon and favour. That he may rest satisfied -of, answered my mother. My income is not considerable, and I have never -been able to lay any thing by; but if Mr Arnold can be extricated from -his present difficulties, so as to be able to retire quietly into the -country, I will share that little with him. - -My lady V----'s eyes moistened, mine were quite suffused. I assure you, -said lady V----, it was not without abundance of arguments used by my -lord, and downright quarrelling on my side, that Mr Arnold could be -prevailed on to consent that any other application should be made on his -part, than that of acquainting you with his penitence, and communicating -his resolution, together with his motives for it, of never seeing you -more. - -He says, Sir George Bidulph never was his friend; and, as he supposes -him more now his enemy than ever, he would be sorry to be under any -obligations to him. - -My mother, who never conceals her thoughts, answered directly, of that I -believe he need not be apprehensive; Sir George is not very liberal; he -would have persuaded his sister against returning to her husband, and I -am sure will not be willing to contribute towards making their reunion -happy. Besides, as he is now going to be married, he troubles himself -with little else than his intended bride. - -Lady V---- seemed shocked; I was sorry my mother had spoken so freely of -Sir George, to one who was an entire stranger both to him and her; but -she is so good, that even her errors proceed from virtue. - -Well, said lady V----, we have now seen the worst side of the prospect; -let us turn our eyes towards the pleasanter view. What do you mean to -do, Mrs Arnold? - -Mean, madam, said I! To go directly to my husband. - -Well, well, replied she, smiling, _that_ I suppose; but how do you -purpose to settle your little household matters? - -I think, said my mother, the best thing you can do, is, to go directly -down to my house in Wiltshire. You know _that_, and the furniture are -mine, during my life; they go to your brother afterwards. Send for your -two children and honest Martha; dispose of your house in town, and all -your effects here, as well as at South-park and in Essex--let the -produce be applied to the payments of debts, as far as it will go. You -will then have your jointure to receive, to which I will add two hundred -pounds a year, which will enable you, by degrees, to pay off the rest of -your debts, and I do not see why you may not live comfortably besides. - -Extremely well, said my lady, with Mrs Arnold's good management; -especially as they will not have the expence of house-rent. I am sure my -lord will willingly undertake to manage Mr Arnold's affairs in town for -him, and I would have you both get into the country as fast as you can. - -I am entirely of your opinion, lady V----, said my mother. What do you -think, child? Dear madam, I think that I am the happiest woman -breathing. Such a parent as you, such a friend as lady V----, and such a -husband, as I promise myself Mr Arnold will prove--How can I be -otherwise than happy? I am ready to do, to do joyfully, whatever you -direct. Dear lady V----, ought not I to see poor Mr Arnold immediately? - -Why, said lady V----, I would not have you surprize him; he is to dine -with us to-day, and I will prepare him to receive you in the afternoon -at my house, if you chose it. - -By all means, my good lady V----, I will come to your house at five -o'clock. Well, said she, bring a few spirits with you, and do not let -the interview soften you too much. - -Lady V---- then took her leave, as she said she should hardly have time -to dress before dinner. My mother and I spent the interval between that -time and evening, in talking of our future scheme of life. Remember, my -dear, said she, that when I die, you lose the best part of your income, -as my house, together with my jointure, revert to Sir George; and you -have no great reason to expect that he will continue either to you; it -therefore behoves you to use oeconomy, as well for the sake of -_saving_ a little, as to accustom yourselves to _live_ upon a little. I -would myself accompany you down to the country, but as my son's marriage -is so near, he would have reason to take it amiss of me; and I know I -shall have his imperious temper to battle with, on our making up matters -between you and your husband; but I shall make myself easy, by -reflecting that we have both acted agreeably to our duty. - -You never, my Cecilia, experienced such a situation as mine, and -therefore can have no idea of what I felt, in expectation of seeing the -person, whose presence I most ardently wished for, and yet was afraid of -the interview. My fears were not on my account: conscious as I was of my -innocence, I had no apprehensions on that head; but I could not bear the -thoughts of beholding poor Mr Arnold, in the state of humiliation in -which I supposed I should find him. I wished the first encounter of our -eyes over; and as the appointed hour approached, my anxiety increased: I -was faint, and seized with universal tremors. My mother did all she -could to encourage me, and a little before five o'clock, I was put into -a chair, and carried to Lord V----'s house. - -My lady met me on the stairs; I could scarce breathe. She carried me -into her dressing-room, and made me sit down till I recovered a little; -she was affected herself, but endeavoured to raise my spirits. I wish, -said she, smiling, you had been in my lord's hands, he would have -prepared you better than Lady Bidulph has for this meeting; he has been -trying to make Mr Arnold drunk, in order to give him courage, he says, -to face you. Poor man, he could scarcely credit me when I told him you -were to come this evening. She proposed my taking a few drops, which I -agreed to; and bidding me pluck up my spirits, said she would send Mr -Arnold to me. - -I catched lady V---- by the hand, and begged she would desire him, from -me, not to mention any thing that was past, but let our meeting be, as -if the separation had only been occasioned by a long journey. - -She left me, and Mr Arnold in a few minutes entered the room. He -approached me speechless; my arms were extended to receive him; he fell -into them; we neither of us spoke; there was no language but tears, -which we both shed plentifully. Mr Arnold sobbed as I pressed him to my -bosom. My dearest Sidney, said he, can it be! Is it possible that you -love me still? - -If lady V---- delivered my message to you, my dear Mr Arnold, sure you -would not speak thus to me. - -I understand you, said he; Oh! my dear: I never wished for wealth or -length of days, till now--but what I can I will. - -Forbear, my love, said I; remember my request. I wanted to give his -thoughts another turn. My mother longs to see you: When will you visit -her? - -I will throw myself at her feet, said he; I want a blessing from her, -and she has sent me one, throwing his arms again round me. - -How much are we obliged to good lord and lady V----, said I. - -Oh! they have opened to me the path to Heaven, he answered--if it had -not been for them--I think we had better go to them, said I, they will -partake in our happiness. - -He took me by the hand without answering, and led me into the -drawing-room. - -I have, my sister, endeavoured to recollect our disjointed conversation, -in order to give it to you as well as I could. All that I can remember I -have set down, though I am sure a good deal more passed. - -Lord V----'s eyes sparkled when he saw us enter together; but my lady -and he, I suppose, had agreed before hand to say nothing that could -recall any past griefs, for they only smiled at our entrance; and my -lord said, Arnold, you really hand your lady in with as gallant an air, -as if you were married within these three hours. And so I have been, my -lord, answered Mr Arnold. My lady presently called for tea, and we -chatted as if nothing had happened. The servants waiting in the room -made this necessary; though I could observe the two footmen, who had -lived a good while with Lord V----, looked with no small astonishment at -Mr Arnold and me. - -When the servants were withdrawn, my lady introduced the subject of our -going out of town. She had before acquainted him with my mother's -proposal, and I repeated what she had said to me on that head, after -lady V---- had left us. My lord renewed the kind offers of his -friendship, and said, as we meant so shortly to part with our house in -St James's-street, that he thought it would be better for us not to go -into it at all, but make use of his house while we staid in town; as -perhaps Mr Arnold might not like to be at lady Bidulph's, on account of -Sir George coming there. - -I readily assented to this proposal; and Mr Arnold said it would be most -agreeable to him. I told him, however, I should be glad of my mother's -approbation; and asked Mr Arnold if he did not think it would be right -of us both to wait on her together, to let her know of my lord's kind -invitation. My lady V---- said, by all means, and the sooner the better: -if you please, I will order you the chariot; I would have you see lady -Bidulph directly. Mr Arnold said, it was what he purposed doing that -very night. - -The chariot was presently at the door: lady V---- said, I have an -apartment ready, and shall, with lady Bidulph's permission, expect you -back to-night. We promised to return, and drove to my mother's. - -I left Mr Arnold in the parlour, whilst I ran up stairs to inform her of -his being come to wait on her. - -Unluckily, as well as unexpectedly, I found my brother with her. I -judged by his voice, as I came up stairs, that he was talking warmly to -my mother; he stopped, however, when I came into the room. He was -standing, and had his hat under his arm. I concluded he was going, and -was not sorry for it; he cast a cold look at me, and, with an ironical -smile, I wish you joy _Mrs Arnold_, and he pronounced my name with an -emphasis. Tho' I was stung at his manner, I would not let him see it. -Thank you brother, said I, God be praised I _have_ cause to rejoice. Oh! -no doubt on't, said he, so have we all, that your husband has been -graciously pleased, after beggaring you and your children, turning you -out of doors, and branding you with infamy, to receive you at last into -his favour. - -Sir George, said I, you shock me exceedingly: where is the need of those -cruel repetitions? Indeed you are very unkind; and I could not refrain -from tears. - -The more blameable Mr Arnold's conduct has been, said my mother, the -more cause have we to rejoice in his amendment. We must make allowances -for human failings. - -Ay, madam, I wish you had thought of that in Mr _Faulkland_'s case, -cried my brother. - -My mother seemed disconcerted at the rebuke. Sir George looked and -smiled, with an air of ill-natured triumph. As my mother was not quick -in answering, I replied, the cases are very different, brother; what -duty obliges us to pass by in a husband, it is hardly moral not to -discountenance in another man. - -You say true, child, said my mother; a woman certainly ought not to -marry a loose man, if she knows him to be such; but if it be her -misfortune to be joined to such a one, she is not to reject him, but -more especially if she sees him willing to reform. Where is your husband -my dear? Madam, he is below in the parlour: he is come to receive your -forgiveness, and your blessing. He shall have both, said my good mother, -and my prayers too. Sir George looked a little surprized: I will not -interrupt so _pious_ a ceremony, said he, but I hope you will give me -leave to withdraw before you desire him up stairs; saying this, he bowed -slightly to my mother, and left the room: we neither of us said any -thing to stop him; my mother rang the bell, but before a servant could -attend, he went out, and clapped the door violently after him. - -Go bring your husband up to me, said my mother. I begged she would not -mention any thing of Sir George's behaviour. I found Mr Arnold impatient -at my stay. Poor man, his situation made him jealous of every thing that -looked like a slight. I told him, my brother had been above stairs, and -as I did not think a meeting would at that time have been agreeable to -either of them, I waited till he was gone. I perceive he knew _I_ was in -the house, said Mr Arnold, by the blustering manner of his departure. I -made no reply; but taking him under the arm, led him to my mother. - -That best of women received him with a tenderness that delighted me; he -put one knee to the ground while she embraced him with maternal love, -then raised him, and taking his hand and mine, joined them, holding them -between her own. God bless you my children, said she, and may you never -more be separated, till God, who joined you, calls one or other of you -to himself. Amen, cried I fervently. Amen, repeated Mr Arnold. - -He then besought my mother to forgive him for all the affliction he had -occasioned both to her and me; assuring her that his veneration for her, -and his tenderness for me, were augmented a hundred-fold, and should for -the future influence his whole conduct. - -After this, we fell on the subject of our domestick affairs: we informed -my mother of my lord V----'s proposal, and said, as we should stay in -town but two or three days, we had accepted of the offer of being at his -house, rather than by our presence banish my brother from her's. - -He is an untractable man, said she; but as I do not wish to quarrel -with my children, I think it will be prudent for you to stay at my -lord's rather than here. Mr Arnold said his obligations to lord V---- -were unspeakable; for that he had promised not only to see all our -affairs properly settled, but to take the mortgage of South-Park into his -own hands, as he fears the person who now has it will not be so tender a -creditor as himself. He also proposes (as the sale of my effects cannot -amount to what my debts come to) to pay what may be deficient, and make -himself my sole creditor. If it had not been for such a prospect as -this, added my dear Mr Arnold, notwithstanding your goodness and lady -Bidulph's, I had resolved never to have appeared before either of you. - -We determined to set out for Sidney-castle in three or four days at -farthest; and took leave of my mother for this night. - - - _December 21_ - -I told lady V---- this morning, that though I was determined never to -mention our past misfortune to Mr Arnold, yet I owned I had a great -curiosity to know what means Mrs Gerrarde had made use of, to work up -his suspicions to the high pitch she had done; but I would rather remain -unsatisfied, than mortify him by the recollection of this particular. - -I can inform you of her whole proceedings, answered lady V----, as I had -it from Mr Arnold himself; for to tell you the truth, I was as curious -about that as you, and took the liberty to ask your husband concerning -it yesterday, when we had him to ourselves. It was the interval between -dinner, and the hour that you were expected here in the evening, that I -laid hold of for this purpose, as I found him then composed enough to -bear the enquiry. - -He told me, that from the time of his going down to South-Park, Mrs -Gerrarde had begun to throw out insinuations concerning you, that had a -little alarmed him. She asked him, Whether you made a good wife? which -he answering in the affirmative, she replied, she was glad of it; for -that she had been told your affections were formerly deeply engaged to a -very fine young gentleman, who, as his fortune was very much above your -expectations, your mother, fearing your violent fondness for him might -lead you into some act of indiscretion, had carried you out of town on -purpose to avoid him; and was glad to marry you as hastily as she could, -to put you out of the reach of harm. - -Your husband acknowleges, that he believes he had himself casually -informed Mrs Gerrarde of the manner of his first becoming acquainted -with you, and the suddenness with which his marriage was concluded; yet -she pretended to him, she was before apprized of these particulars. - -He owns that those hints, though far from giving him any suspicion of -your virtue, had nevertheless made some impression on him. You know, -Madam, added he, that, madly devoted as my affections were to Mrs -Gerrarde, I had always behaved to my wife with great tenderness and -respect. This I suppose it was which raised Mrs Gerrarde's jealousy, and -made her leave no method unattempted to part us. Mr Faulkland had not -been long at V---- hall, when she asked me, with uncommon earnestness, -whether he visited at my house; I told her he did not, and asked the -meaning of her enquiry. She affected to turn it off, and said, she had -no particular reason for her question; but her manner was such, as the -more excited my curiosity. At length she was prevailed on to tell me, -that Mr Faulkland was the man (for she had not yet named the person), -whom my wife had so passionately loved. Prepossessed as I was with -jealousy, I now took the alarm. I recollected that Mrs Arnold had told -me at lord V----'s, upon my first seeing him there, that she _had_ been -very well acquainted with him; and I even thought that I had observed -something particular in his countenance when he addressed her. I was now -sure that he had come into the neighbourhood merely on her account. The -hell that I suffered is not to be described; for though I really fancied -that I had conceived almost an aversion to Mrs Arnold, I yet could not -bear the thoughts of being dishonoured. An accident happened which -served to strengthen my suspicions: he then related the circumstance of -his seeing you at the public house on the night of the fire; and of his -finding Mr Faulkland putting you into your chariot. He owned at the same -time, that he was there with Mrs Gerrarde, whom he had conducted out of -the play-house, having called for her there in his return from making a -visit, as he had promised to sup with her that night. Mrs Gerrarde, when -she had him at her house, affected to speak with some surprize of your -imprudence, in suffering a young man of Mr Faulkland's _known_ turn for -gallantry, to attend you to _such_ a place, and at that hour. Though, -added he, Mrs Arnold's own account of this had satisfied me at the time, -yet Mrs Gerrarde's insinuations blew up the fire anew in my breast. She -pretended to sooth me; but the methods she took rather increased my -uneasiness. She told me, she believed my honour as _yet_ had received no -injury; and to preserve it effectually, she thought I could not do -better than to forbid my wife to see Mr Faulkland. The designing vile -woman, continued your husband, knowing that this prohibition would cut -off her visits at V---- hall, no doubt apprehended my wife would not so -readily acquiesce under it; and she was sure any resistance on her part -would but the more inflame me. But in this she was disappointed; for I -no sooner required Mrs Arnold's promise on the occasion, than she, -without the least hesitation, made it. My requiring so extraordinary a -proof of her obedience, induced Mrs Arnold to enquire into the cause; -and upon my explaining it, she acknowleged that Mr Faulkland had once -been her lover, and that the match was broken off by her mother, who had -conceived some dislike to him. This was so far from gaining credit with -me, that it only served to corroborate what Mrs Gerrarde had told me. I -was, however, contented for the present with the promise that my wife -had made me; of which I informed Mrs Gerrarde. - -He then proceeded to tell me of his finding you and Mr Faulkland -together one evening at the house of Mrs Gerrarde. I must confess, -continued he, this unexpected incident transported me beyond the bounds -of patience: I suffered, notwithstanding, Mr Faulkland to go quietly out -of the house, more for Mrs Gerrarde's sake than any other consideration, -and permitted her to go home with my wife (who I then thought -_pretended_ illness,) waiting in the mean time at her house for her -return, in order to have this extraordinary and unexpected meeting -explained. - -Mrs Gerrarde, on her return expressed the utmost concern and resentment -on the occasion. She told me, that as she had expected me that evening -(which was really the case), she had sent to my wife to engage her for -the next day, in order to prevent her coming to interrupt us, which was -not unlikely, as Mrs Arnold had not been to see her from the time she -was laid up by the hurt she received; and she said, she did not care to -lay herself so open to her servants, as to have herself denied to the -wife, whilst she entertained the husband. - -I myself, continued he, having the same apprehensions, had asked Mrs -Arnold, on my going abroad in the morning, how she purposed to dispose -of herself for the day; and she had told me she intended to stay at -home. Mrs Gerrarde said, that notwithstanding her message, she was -surprized with a visit from Mrs Arnold just as she was sitting down to -dinner; that she however put a good face on the matter, and received her -very cordially; but in order to get rid of her soon, told her, she was -engaged abroad in the afternoon. Mrs Arnold, she added, however thought -proper to stay, and I could not avoid asking her to drink coffee. While -we were at it, behold, to my very great surprize, Mr Faulkland sent in -his name, and immediately entered the parlour. - -As I guessed, continued Mrs Gerrarde, that this was a settled -assignation, I own I was extremely provoked at it. Mr Faulkland, with -whom I formerly had a very slight acquaintance at Bath, _so_ slight -indeed as never to be visited by him, now very audaciously made an -apology for not having waited on me sooner; but said, that he did not -hear of my being in the neighbourhood, 'till a day or two before, and -hoped I would allow him the honour of renewing his acquaintance. I had -hardly temper enough to make him a civil answer; but said, I was sorry I -was engaged that evening, and must be obliged to go out immediately. I -thought this hint was enough for Mrs Arnold; and that she would have had -the discretion to have taken her leave. She asked pardon for having kept -me at home so long, protesting she had really forgot that I told her I -was engaged. She begged she might not detain me any longer, saying, she -had ordered her chariot to come for her in the evening, and that she -would wait for it, as she found herself not very well, and therefore not -able to walk home. I now saw into the whole scheme: Mr Faulkland would -naturally stay to keep her company, and they would have my house to -themselves; but I resolved to disappoint them both; and telling Mrs -Arnold I would leave her at home, ordered the chariot to the door. Mrs -Arnold opposed this, under pretence of not giving me so much trouble, -and pretending to be sick and faint, said she would step to the door, in -order to get a little more air; I followed her hastily, and your coming -in the instant, I suppose, detained Mr Faulkland in the parlour, for he -could not but see you from the window. You know the rest, added Mrs -Gerrarde; and I leave you to judge, whether Mrs Arnold be inclined to -keep her word with you, in regard to Mr Faulkland. - -Can you blame me, Madam, proceeded your husband, if, after what I now -saw and heard, I was enraged almost to madness against my wife? The base -woman, who had now accomplished her wicked purpose, encouraged me in my -desperation. In the midst of my fury, however, I could not help making -one observation, which was, that as Mrs Gerrarde's going, or pretending -to go out that evening, was a casual thing, they could hardly have -expected an opportunity of being _alone_ at her house, even though the -meeting was concerted. Mrs Gerrarde answered, That was very true; and -she supposed there was nothing at first farther intended, than that the -_lovers_ should have the pleasure of seeing and conversing together, as -they had been so long separated; the other, to be sure, said she, was an -after-thought, which the opportunity suggested. She then, after making -me swear secrecy, told me, that Mrs Arnold had, when she followed her -out to the door, conjured her not to tell me that Mr Faulkland and she -(Mrs Gerrarde) were acquainted; for, said she, as Mr Arnold is of a -jealous temper, and has heard that Mr Faulkland formerly courted me, he -would not suffer me to come near your house, if he knew that Mr -Faulkland visited you. I promised her I would not, added Mrs Gerrarde; -and I make no doubt but that she hoped in time (relying on my good -nature, my seeming fondness for her, and the easiness of my temper) to -engage me as the confidant and abettor of her loose amour. - -Mrs Gerrarde concluded with saying, that she believed nothing criminal -had as _yet_ passed between Mr Faulkland and my wife, at least since his -coming to V---- hall; but as there was no with-holding a woman from her -will, it was very probable that Mrs Arnold would contrive the means of -meeting, though not at _her_ house, yet somewhere else. I raved, -threatened, talked of fighting Faulkland, and locking up my wife. She -artfully dissuaded me from such violent measures by a number of -arguments, which I will not trouble you with repeating: Amongst other -things, she said, that I had no right to call Faulkland to an account -merely from surmise, which was all I had to ground my charge on; and -though there was the strongest reason to believe he had dishonourable -designs on Mrs Arnold, yet as I could not directly accuse him of them, I -should be laughed at for engaging in a quarrel, which to the world would -appear to be so ill-grounded. As to what I threatened in regard to my -wife, she said, such measures only make a woman desperate, and would be -far from preventing the evil; in short, that it would be better to part -quietly, without embroiling myself with her friends, or undertaking the -hateful office of becoming gaoler to my wife. She found me but too well -disposed to follow her fatal counsel. I wrote that cruel letter to my -wife, which turned her from her home, at Mrs Gerrarde's house. She kept -me with her till midnight, and had worked up my resentment to such a -pitch, that I determined not to see Mrs Arnold any more. To avoid -expostulations, I went to a friend's house, at the distance of several -miles. When I came back, Mrs Gerrarde told me that Mr Faulkland was -absent from V---- hall, and she concluded the lovers were now together. - -I interrupted your husband at this part of the story, pursued Lady -V----, and told him, that to _my_ knowledge Mr Faulkland had gone to -Sidney-Castle, to see Sir George Bidulph, before you left your own -house; and did not set out from thence on his return 'till about three -weeks after your separation; at the account of which he was exceedingly -surprized. - -Dear Lady V----, said he, do you think I _now_ want any farther -arguments to convince me what an injurious wretch I have been to the -best of women? - -I have one observation to make to you, Mr Arnold, added I; which is, -that your lady's misfortune was intirely owing to her great delicacy, -and the nice regard she had to your peace and honour. - -I do not understand you, Madam, he replied. - -Know then, said I, that your wife was well acquainted with your -connection with Mrs Gerrarde, from the very night that you found her at -the public house, to which the accident that happened to her obliged her -to go. She owned to me, at the time you drove her from her home, that -she had discovered your amour from a conversation she overheard that -night between you and Mrs Gerrarde. This I extorted from her, by letting -her know I was no stranger to the intrigue. I then repeated to him the -discourse that passed between him and that wicked woman, as far as you -had told me, and he very well remembered it. Now, Mr Arnold, said I, to -prove the assertion I made in regard to your lady, had she reproached -you with your infidelity, as _some_ wives would have done, tho' it might -have occasioned a temporary uneasiness to you both, yet would it have -prevented her from falling a sacrifice to that most artful and wicked of -her sex; for you could not then have had such an improbable falshood -imposed on you, as that Mrs Arnold would have made choice of the -_mistress_ of her husband for a confidant, and fix on _her_ house as the -rendezvous for a love-intrigue. The base woman herself had no reason, -from Mrs Arnold's prudent and gentle behaviour, to think she was -suspected by her. - -Your husband lifted up his eyes to heaven; and striking his breast, -Blind, blind wretch, he cried! infatuated, ungrateful monster! are there -no amends--no amends in thy power for such goodness? - -I could not bear such a description of my poor Mr Arnold's deep -contrition. I stopped Lady V----; and, being now informed of all I -wanted to know, changed the conversation. - - - _December 22_ - -We are preparing to get into the country with all speed. I have writ to -Patty to set out with the two children for Sidney-Castle as soon as -possible. Mr Arnold has put his affairs intirely into the hands of our -worthy friend Lord V----, and we think, upon a calculation, that what we -have in town, at South-Park, and at Arnold-Abbey, will go near to answer -the present demands that are upon us. - -Lady V---- is the best creature living; she knows that neither Mr Arnold -nor I chuse to see any visitors, and she has let none in these two days. -I am vexed at laying her under such a restraint, though her good-nature -will not suffer her to think it one. We shall go out of town on Monday; -to-morrow we spend with my mother, as do Lord and Lady V---- (who are -mightily charmed with her), and then adieu to London, perhaps for ever. -If my mother comes down to me, as she intends to do, I shall have no -temptation ever to return to it. - - _Sidney-Castle, December 29._ - - Here I am, my dear, in the house of my nativity. Your Sidney and her - Arnold as happy as a king and a queen! or, to speak more properly, - happier than any king or queen in Christendom. My two dear little - girls are well, thank God! and look charmingly. Poor babes! they could - have no idea of their loss when I left them, yet they now seem pleased - at seeing me again. My faithful Patty is almost out of her wits with - joy. I have no maid but her, and an honest servant, whom my mother - left here to look after her house. Mr Arnold has retained but one of - his men: the garden is taken care of by an old man in the - neighbourhood, to whom my mother allows something for keeping it in - order. - - With what delight do I recall the days of my childhood, which I passed - here so happily! You, my dear Cecilia, mix yourself in all my - thoughts; every spot almost brings you fresh into my memory. The - little filbert-wood, the summer-house, the mount, and the - chestnut-close that you used to love so! but the sight of your old - dwelling makes me melancholy. I think I could not bear to go into the - house; the deserted avenue to me appears much darker than it used to - do; and your poor doves are all flying about wild; and I think seem to - mourn the absence of their gentle mistress. Oh! Cecilia, how exquisite - are the pleasures and the pains that those of too nice feelings are - liable to! You, whose sensibility is as strong as mine, know this. - From what trifles do minds of such a turn derive both joy and grief! - Our names, our virgin names, I find cut out on several of the old elm - trees: this conjures up a thousand pleasing ideas, and brings back - those days when we were inseparable. But you are no longer Rivers, nor - I Bidulph. Then I think what I have suffered since I lost that name, - and at how remote a distance you are from me; and I weep like a - child--But away with such reflections: I am now happier, beyond - comparison happier, I think, than I was before my afflictions overtook - me. Mr Arnold's _recovered_ heart I prize infinitely more than I did - when he first made me an offer of it; because I am sure he gives it - now from a thorough conviction that I deserve it, and therefore I am - certain never to have it alienated again. - - - _January 4_ - -It is almost three years since I left this place; and the welcomes I -have received from all our old neighbours and acquaintance, have given -me more satisfaction than I can express. Mr Arnold is highly pleased -with the marks of affection which he sees me daily receive from those -who have known me from my infancy. I am the more delighted with it, as I -think it gives me an additional value with him. 'Tis a proof at least -that I never misbehaved during the long number of years that our former -friends knew me, and we must needs be pleased to see the object of our -love approved of by others. This I speak from my own experience. Mr -Arnold is exceedingly caressed by all our friends, and seems equally -delighted with them: you know we have some of the best people in the -world amongst our old set of acquaintance. If you, my mother, and good -Lady V----, were within my reach, I should think Sidney-Castle a -paradise. - - - _January 10_ - -I have had two letters to-day; one from Lady V----, the other from my -dear mother. Lady V---- tells me her husband is bustling about for us, -to put affairs in the best condition he can. She says, he has already -got a purchase for the lease of our house in St James's-Street; and all -the moveables in it, as they now stand. They have been valued at two -thousand seven hundred pounds. As most of our plate is there, as well as -our chariot and a pair of horses, this has fallen very short of our -expectations; but Lady V---- says, she is sure there was not more -allowed for the furniture than half their original value, though they -have not been a great while in use. She tells me, that my lord has -employed a person to go down to Arnold-Abbey, to dispose of the things -there; but she fears we shall receive a very indifferent return from -thence, as there is but part of the furniture of Mr Arnold's putting in, -the old goods going together with the house to the widow. My lord's -steward at V---- hall has instructions about South-Park: he writes word -to his lord that he believes the whole of what is there will not sell -for more than four hundred pounds: the house indeed was but small, and -the furniture not expensive. Mrs Gerrarde, he says, has had an -attachment laid on her house by a person who built some bauble for her -in her garden, for which he claims a debt of ninety pounds, though the -steward says it is not worth thirty. 'All things, however, my lady adds, -shall be adjusted in the best manner we can; and my lord will not let Mr -Arnold be distressed on account of any deficiency that may happen in -those sales.' What a jewel, my Cecilia, is an honest, warm friend! - -The contents of my mother's letter are, That Sir George was married -yesterday to Lady Sarah P----. She says, the bride was most -extravagantly fine; but looked neither handsome nor genteel. This was -much for my good mother to let drop from her pen; but I know she never -liked Lady Sarah, nor did her ladyship ever treat her with the regard -due to her character, and to the person of one who was to stand in the -close and respectable degree of relationship to her, which my mother now -does. But I believe I have before told you, that the blessings of good -sense and good temper are bestowed but in a moderate degree on Lady -Sarah; and for a woman of quality, Lady V---- tells me (for I have never -seen her), that her breeding is not of the highest form. But you know a -great fortune covers a multitude of imperfections in the eyes of most -people, and I hope her love for my brother will make her a good wife. - - - _January 23_ - -I am grown a perfect farmer's wife, and have got a notable dairy: I am -mistress of three cows, I assure you, which more than supply my family; -then I have the best poultry in the country, and my garden flourishes -like Eden. Mr Arnold is such a sportsman that we have more game than we -know what to do with; but his chief pleasure is hunting. - -Your little namesake promises to be the greatest beauty in the county. -Dolly, who is a pretty little cherry-cheek, and her father's great -favourite, prates like a parrot. How delightful will be the task of -expanding and forming the minds of these two cherubs! how joyfully and -how thankfully do I look back on the troubled sea which I have passed! -My voyage indeed was not long, but my sufferings were great while they -lasted. I never, since I was married, enjoyed life till now. You know my -match was originally the result of duty to the best of mothers; and -though, if I ever knew my own heart, it was absolutely freed from all -attachment to any other person, yet was it not so devoted to Mr Arnold, -as to have made him my choice preferably to all other men, if I had not -resolved in _this_, as in every other action of my life, to be -determined by those to whom I owed obedience. When I married Mr Arnold, -I esteemed him; a sufficient foundation, in the person of a husband, -whereon to build love. That love, his kindness, and my own gratitude, in -a little produced in my heart; and I will venture to say few wives loved -so well, none better. You know I could never bear to consider love as a -childish divinity, who exercises his power by throwing the heart into -tumultuous raptures: _my_ love, tho' of a more temperate kind, was -sufficiently fervent to make Mr Arnold's coldness towards me alone -capable of wounding my heart most sensibly; but when this coldness was -aggravated by the cruel distrust which he was taught to entertain of me, -the blow indeed became scarce supportable; and I did not till then know -the progress he had made in my affections. - -Sorrows, my Cecilia, soften and subdue the mind prodigiously; and I -think my heart was better prepared from its sufferings to receive Mr -Arnold's returning tenderness, than an age of courtship in the gay and -prosperous days of life could have framed it to. I exult in his restored -affections, and love him a thousand times better than ever I did. He -deserves it; I am sure he does: he was led away from me by enchantment; -nothing else could have done it. But the charm is broke, thank heaven! -and I find him now the tenderest, the best of men. Every look, every -word, every action of his life, is expressive of a love next to -adoration. Oh! I should be too happy, if the blessings I now possess -were to be my continued portion in this life! There is, however, but -_one_ about which I can rationally indulge any fears--My mother--Her -years, and her growing infirmities, will not suffer me to hope for her -being long absent from her final place of felicity. You always used to -say I anticipated misfortunes: this event _may_ be farther off than my -anxious fears sometimes suggest to me; so no more of it. - - - _March 10_ - -My good Lady V---- writes me word, that all our business is finished. -The whole amount of our effects came but to three thousand four hundred -pounds; our debts (including some charges which have occurred in the -transacting of our affairs) exceeded eight thousand. Our worthy Lord -V---- has paid the whole, and has made himself our only creditor. We -have nothing now, that we can call our own, but my jointure. I do not -reckon upon my mother's bounty to us; our income from her, and the house -we live in, will be Sir George's, whenever it is our misfortune to lose -her. But she tells me she is well, and talks of coming down in about a -fortnight. - - - _March 11_ - -I am here in a scene of still life, my dear; and you must now expect to -hear of nothing but such trivial matters as used to be the subject of -our journals when we were both girls, and you lived within a bow-shot of -Sidney-Castle, and saw me every day. The last three months of my life -have glided away like a smooth stream, when there is not a breath of -wind to ruffle it; and after you read the transactions of one day, you -know how I pass all the rest. - -I have told you of every-body that came to see me, and all the visits -that I returned: I have given you an account of all our old -acquaintance, and of some new ones. You know what my amusements are, and -what my business. Indeed, what I call business, is my chief pleasure. -You, who are surrounded by the gaieties of a splendid court, had need of -the partiality which I know you have for your Sidney, to desire a -continuation of her insipid narrative. But, I suppose, if I were to tell -you, that, on such a day, my white Guiney-hen brought out a fine brood -of chickens, you might be as well pleased with it, as I should be to -hear from you of the birth of an arch-duchess. Indeed, my Cecilia, there -is such a sameness in my now-tranquil days, that I believe I must have -recourse to telling you my dreams, to furnish out matter of variety. - - - _March 19_ - -We have had a wedding to-day in our neighbourhood. Young Main (Patty's -brother) has got a very pretty young gentlewoman, with a fortune of five -thousand pounds. It seems, this pair had been fond of each other from -their childhood; but the girl's fortune put her above her lover's hopes; -however, as he has, for a good while, been in very great business, and -has the reputation of being better skilled in his profession than any -one in the country, he was in hopes, that his character, his mistress's -affection for him, and his own constancy, would have some little weight -with her family. Accordingly he ventured to make his application to the -young woman's brother, at whose disposal she was, her father having been -dead for some years; but he was rejected with scorn, and forbid the -house. - -The girl's father, it seems, had been an humourist, and left her the -fortune under a severe restriction; for, if ever she married without her -brother's consent, she was to lose it; so that, in that particular -instance of disposing of her person, she was never to be her own -mistress. In the disposal of her fortune, however, he did not so tie her -up; for after the age of one-and-twenty, she had the power of -bequeathing her fortune by will to whom she pleased. - -The brother, who is a very honest man, had no motive, but a regard to -his sister's interest, in refusing poor Mr Main: a man of good fortune -had proposed for her, whom the brother importuned her to accept of; but -she was firm to her first attachment. - -The young lover found means to convey a letter to his mistress, in which -he told her, that as he was in circumstances to support her genteelly, -if she would venture to accept of his hand, he would never more bestow a -thought on her fortune. This proposal the prudent young woman declined -on her own part, but advised him to make it to her brother, as she was -not then without suspicions that he wished to retain her fortune in the -family; and that it was only to save appearances he had proposed a match -to her, of which he was sure she would not accept. But in this opinion -she injured him. She thought, however, the experiment might be of use, -in giving the better colour to her marrying afterwards the man whom she -loved. - -But it was an ill-judged attempt, and succeeded accordingly: for, if the -brother should have given his consent, he could have no pretence for -withholding her portion; or, if he did so by mutual agreement, his -motive for denying his consent before, must appear too obviously to be a -bad one. - -The young people, not considering this sufficiently, resolved to make -the trial; accordingly Mr Main wrote to the brother a very submissive -letter, telling him he would, in the most solemn manner, relinquish all -claim to his sister's fortune, if he would make him happy by consenting -to their marriage; without which, he said, the young lady's regard for -her brother would not suffer her to take such a step. - -This letter had no other effect than that of making the brother -extremely angry. He sent a severe message to the young man, to acquaint -him, that he looked upon his proposal as a most injurious affront to his -character; but that he was ready to convince him, and every-body else, -that he had no designs upon his sister's fortune, as he would not refuse -his consent to her marriage with any other man in the country but -himself. This was a thunder-clap to the poor lover: he comforted -himself, however, with the hopes that his mistress's heart would -determine her in his favour, notwithstanding the severity of the -brother. - -There had been, it seems, besides this gentleman's not thinking Mr Main -a suitable match for his sister, some old family pique between him and -Mr Main's father. - -These transactions happened some time before I came to the country. Just -about that juncture, the poor girl had the misfortune to receive a hurt -in her breast, by falling against the sharp corner of a desk from a -stool, on which she had stood in order to reach down a book that was in -a little case over it. This accident threw her into a fit of illness, -which put a stop to all correspondence between her and her lover. - -In this illness, a fever, which was her apparent complaint, was the only -thing to which the physician paid attention, and the hurt in her breast -was not enquired after; so that by the time she was tolerably recovered -from the former, the latter was discovered to be in a very dangerous -way, and required the immediate assistance of a surgeon. You may be sure -poor Main was not the person pitched upon to attend her; another was -called in, of less skill, but not so obnoxious to the family. - -By this bungler, she was tortured for near three months; at the end of -which time, through improper treatment, the malady was so far increased, -that the operator declared the breast must be taken off, as the only -possible means of saving her life. - -The young gentlewoman's family were all in the greatest affliction; she -herself seemed the only composed person amongst them. She appointed the -day when she was to undergo this severe trial of her fortitude; it was -at the distance of about a week. The surgeon objected to the having it -put off so long, but she was peremptory, and at last prevailed. - -On the evening preceding the appointed day, she conjured her brother in -the most earnest manner, to permit Mr Main to be present at the -operation. The brother was unwilling to comply, as he thought it might -very much discompose her, but she was so extremely pressing, that he was -constrained to yield. - -The attending surgeon was consulted on the occasion; who having -declared, that he had no objection to Mr Main's being present, that -young man was sent for. He had been quite inconsolable at the accounts -he received, of the dangerous state in which his mistress was, and went -with an aching heart to her brother's house in the morning. - -He was introduced into her chamber, where he found the whole chirurgical -apparatus ready. The young woman herself was in her closet, but came out -in a few minutes, with a countenance perfectly serene. She seated -herself in an elbow chair, and desired she might be indulged for a -quarter of an hour, to speak a few words to her brother, before they -proceeded to their work. Her brother was immediately called to her, when -taking him by the hand, she requested him to sit down by her. - -You have, said she, been a father to me, since I lost my own; I -acknowlege your tenderness and your care of me with gratitude. I believe -your refusal of me to Mr Main, was from no other motive but your desire -of seeing me matched to a richer man. I therefore freely forgive you -that only act, in which you ever exercised the authority my father gave -you over me. My life, I now apprehend, is in imminent danger, the hazard -nearly equal, whether I do, or do not undergo the operation; but as they -tell me there is a chance in my favour on one side, I am determined to -submit to it. - -I put it off to this day, on account of its being my birth-day. I am now -one and twenty, and as the consequences of what I have to go through, -may deprive me of the power of doing what I intended, I have spent this -morning in making my will. You, brother, have an ample fortune; I have -no poor relations; I hope, therefore, I stand justified to the world, -for having made Mr Main my heir. Saying this, she pulled a paper from -under her gown, which she put into her brother's hand, that he might -read it. It was her will, wrote by herself, regularly signed, and -witnessed by two servants of the family. - -Sir, said she, turning to the other surgeon, as soon as my brother is -withdrawn, I am ready for you. You may imagine this had various effects -on the different persons concerned. The brother, however displeased he -might have been at this act of his sister's, had too much humanity to -make any animadversions on it at that time. He returned the paper to -his sister without speaking, and retired. - -Poor Main, who had stood at the back of her chair, from his first coming -in, had been endeavouring to suppress his tears all the time; but at -this proof of his mistress's tenderness and generosity, it was no longer -in his power to do so, and they burst from him with the utmost violence -of passion. - -The other surgeon desired him to compose himself, for that they were -losing time, and the lady would be too much ruffled. - -The heroic young woman, with a smiling countenance, begged of him to dry -his eyes: perhaps, said she, I may recover. Then fixing herself firmly -in the chair, she pronounced, with much composure, 'I am ready.' Two -maid servants stood one at each side of her, and the surgeon drew near -to do his painful work. He had uncovered her bosom, and taken off the -dressings, when Mr Main, casting his eyes at her breast, begged he might -have leave to examine it before they proceeded. The other surgeon, with -some indignation, said, his doing so was only an unnecessary delay; and -had already laid hold of his knife, when Mr Main having looked at it, -said, he was of opinion it might be saved, without endangering the -lady's life. The other, with a contemptuous smile, told him, he was -sorry he thought him so ignorant of his profession, and without much -ceremony, putting him aside, was about to proceed to the operation; when -Mr Main laying hold of him, said, that he should never do it in his -presence; adding, with some warmth, that he would engage to make a -perfect cure of it in a month, without the pain or hazard of amputation. - -The young lady, who had been an eye-witness of what passed, for she -would not suffer her face to be covered, now thought it proper to -interpose. She told the unfeeling operator, the he might be very sure -she would embrace any distant hope of saving herself from the pain, the -danger, and the loss she must sustain, if he pursued the method he -intended. She was not, however, so irresolute, she said, as to desire -either to avoid or postpone the operation, if it should be found -necessary; but as there was hope given her of a cure without it, she -thought it but reasonable to make the experiment; and should therefore -refer the decision of her case to a third person of skill in the -profession, by whose opinion she would be determined. - -The two women servants, who are always professed enemies to chirurgical -operations, readily joined in her sentiments, and saying it was a mortal -sin to cut and hack any christian, they made haste to cover up their -young lady again. - -The disappointed surgeon hardly forbore rude language to the women; and -telling Mr Main he would make him know what it was to traduce the skill -of a practitioner of his standing, marched off in a violent passion, -saying to his patient, if she had a mind to kill herself, it was nothing -to him. - -The modest young man, delighted to find the case of his beloved not so -desperate as he had supposed it to be, begged she would permit him to -apply some proper dressings to the afflicted part, and conjuring her to -call in the aid of the ablest surgeon that could be procured, took his -leave. - -The brother of the lady being apprized of what had passed, lost no time -in sending an express to Bath; and by a very handsome gratuity, induced -a surgeon of great eminence to set out immediately for his house, who -arrived early the next morning. But in the mean time poor Main had like -to have paid dear for his superior skill in his profession. The other -surgeon had no sooner got home, than he sent him a challenge, to meet -him that evening, in a field at some distance from the town. They met; -Main had the good fortune, after wounding, to disarm his antagonist, but -first received himself a dangerous wound. - -This accident was kept from the knowledge of his mistress; but on the -arrival of the surgeon from Bath, as he would not take off the -dressings, but in the presence of the person who put them on, it was -thought proper that both Mr Main and the other man should be sent for. -The latter was not by any means in a condition to attend; but the -former, though very ill and feverish, desired that he might be carried -to the house. The Bath surgeon having, in his and the brother's -presence, examined the case, declared it as his opinion, that the -complaint might be removed without amputation; adding, that it was owing -to wrong management that the grievance had gone so far. He consulted -with Main, in the presence of the family, as to his intended method of -treating it for the future; he agreed with him intirely, with regard to -the propriety of it; and having assured the friends of the girl, that he -thought him a skilful and ingenious young man, took his leave, being -obliged to return directly home. - -The testimony of this gentleman, whose skill was undoubted, and whose -impartiality must be so too, having never seen any of the parties -concerned in his life before, wrought so much upon the brother, that he -did not hesitate to put his sister under the care of her lover. - -Poor Main, though scarce able to leave his bed for some time, was -nevertheless carried to his patient every day, at the hazard of his -life. His skill, his tenderness, and his assiduity, were all exerted in -a particular manner on the present occasion; and in less than five weeks -he had the pleasure to see his mistress restored to perfect health. - -The consequence of this incident was very happy for them both; the -brother, exceedingly pleased at his whole behaviour, told him, he was an -honest generous fellow; and since he was convinced it was his sister's -person, and not her fortune he was attached to, he would, with all his -heart, bestow both on him; and accordingly Mr Arnold and I had this day -the satisfaction of seeing this worthy young pair united in marriage. - -Patty is not a little delighted at her brother's good fortune. The -honest youth, who has ever since his father's death supported his -mother, and as many of the younger children as were not able to gain -their own livelihood, has now invited his sister Patty to live with him; -but the faithful girl declined the offer; telling her bother, she would -never quit me, while I thought her worthy of my regard. - -I look upon myself to be much obliged to her for this, as the station -she is now in, cannot be so advantageous as I hoped to make it, when I -first took her into my service; but I will make up in kindness what may -be wanting in profit. Indeed I consider her rather as a friend than a -servant, and Mr Arnold always treats her with respect. - - - _March 20_ - -I am very uneasy at not having it in my power to fulfil my promise to -poor Miss Burchell; but that is a string I dare not as yet touch upon. -Indeed I cannot bear any conversation that leads to the subject. -Whenever Mr Arnold begins to accuse himself for his unhappy conduct, in -relation to Mrs Gerrarde, which he often does, I always stop him, or -turn the discourse to something else. He never speaks of her now, but -with a contemptuous indifference; and is so firmly persuaded that she -went off willingly with Mr Faulkland, that I dare not as yet undeceive -him; which I must necessarily do, should I express even a wish that Mr -Faulkland should repair the niece's wrongs by marriage. Mr Arnold knows -nothing of miss Burchell's affair. I went once so far as to say I had -heard Mr Faulkland formerly liked this young lady. Mr Arnold answered, I -am glad it went no farther than liking; if it had, probably I should not -have been so soon delivered from my thraldom to her aunt. This reply -silenced me; I am exceedingly perplexed about it. Would to Heaven Mr -Faulkland would of himself think of doing the amiable unhappy girl -justice My mother writes me word, that Sir George had informed Mr -Faulkland, by letter, of the success of his project; and that his answer -was full of congratulations, and expressions of joy. He is now in Italy; -but talks of returning to England next summer. He says, he hears -sometimes from Pivet, and that he and his wife live very well together. - -My mother says she often sees Miss Burchell, and that she encourages her -with the hope of what may happen when Mr Faulkland comes back. If this -match should ever take place, it would give me most sincere -satisfaction. The girl's family is not contemptible; her fortune is -pretty large, her person lovely; the unfortunate false step she made, is -an entire secret, except to the persons immediately concerned; so that -with regard to the world, her character too is good. Mrs Gerrarde, at -worst, was only her aunt by marriage; but if that circumstance should be -the only rub in her way to happiness, I would sooner declare the whole -affair, and run the risk of Mr Arnold's being let into this ticklish -secret, than be a hindrance to the poor young creature's welfare. This -affair never comes a-cross me, but it makes me sigh. God send a -favourable issue to it! - - - _March 26_ - -Alas! my Cecilia, we have received most heavy news! My good lord V----, -that stedfast, that worthy, that best of friends, is no more! He was -preparing to go to V---- hall, three days ago, but was seized with an -apoplexy, as he was coming down stairs to go into his coach, and died -before any assistance could reach him. Oh! we have a severe loss in the -death of this most dear and valuable man!--but why do I mention _our_ -loss?--his lady--poor lady V---- is almost distracted--and well she -may--the best of husbands, fathers, every thing! His eldest son, who is -abroad, is sent for home on this melancholy occasion--My poor mother is -afflicted exceedingly: every body that knew him must be so. Mr Arnold -and I have lost more than a father. How _self_ recurs every minute; let -me think of lady V---- again, and not dare to complain on my own -account; but my obligations to him were of such a nature, as claim all -my gratitude to his memory, and all the tears that I have abundantly -shed for him. - -Mr Arnold is largely in his debt, we have no room to expect the same -friendship from the present lord V----, that we experienced from his -father. - -This circumstance did not occur to me till poor Mr Arnold put me in the -mind of it: my thoughts were too much absorbed in grief, which the death -alone of our friend occasioned. My mother hinted at it too, in her -letter to Mr Arnold; for it was to him she wrote the mournful tidings. - -What a dark cloud of sorrow is spread over Sidney-castle! and how this -stroke has imbittered our little domestic joys! But let me not carry my -complainings into presumptuous murmurings. I have lost a sincere and -truly valued friend; but do I not still possess infinite blessings? My -husband, my dear Mr Arnold, my two sweet children, the best of mothers, -and thee, my ever-beloved Cecilia, whom I still call mine, though at -such a distance from me. - -Then I comfort myself with reflecting that lady V---- has sons, who, I -hope, will be a blessing to her; that her fortune is affluent, and that -my lord had passed through a well-spent life, to a pretty advanced age. -He was turned of sixty. All these considerations sooth my mind, and I -acknowlege, that, upon the whole, I have, by far, more cause to be -thankful, than to repine. - - - _March 30_ - -Lady V----'s journey down to V---- hall having been so fatally -prevented, she is obliged to remain in London. The shock she has -received has brought on her a fit of illness. I find my lord has not -left any ready money; his fortune was large, but as they always lived in -great splendor, he laid none of his income by: the whole sum which he -could command, he laid out for our use. My lady's jointure is pretty -considerable; if it were ten times more, she deserves it. Oh, may her -sons prove worthy of such a parent! The youngest I hear is a very fine -youth. He is come to her from Oxford to comfort her, till the arrival of -his elder brother. - -My mother writes me word, that her old friend lady Grimston is dead! She -has left her whole fortune to charitable uses: not a sixpence to either -of her daughters. Poor Mrs Vere! She is content with her little income, -and has no loss of so unnatural a parent, who carried her vindictive -spirit with her to the grave. As for the eldest, she did not stand in -need of any assistance from her; but I own, though I had not great -esteem for lady Grimston, I could not help being shocked at the brutal -behaviour of her son-in-law to her in her last hours. She had never seen -either him or her daughter from the time I told you they had quarrelled; -but when she found herself dying, she sent a message to this favourite -daughter, desiring to see her; her husband, whether out of disregard to -the old lady, or his wife, or both, absolutely refused to let her go. My -mother remarks on this passage in these words, 'Thus was this -unfortunate parent punished in kind, for denying her late husband the -satisfaction of seeing his youngest daughter, when he was in the same -circumstances with herself.' - -My mother is nevertheless very much troubled for the death of her old -acquaintance; who, she says, was a valuable woman: she considers her -decease as a memento, which warns her of her own approaching end; for -they were just of an age. - -I fear my mother is not well, though she does not say so; for she has -put off her coming to Sidney-castle, without giving me a reason for it. - - - _April 22_ - -I thank you, my beloved Cecilia, for your cordial wish. Your opinion, -that all my troubles are at an end, is consonant to your desires, but I -doubt far from the real fact. The young lord V---- is returned home; but -oh! how unlike that honest man, whose title and fortune he inherits! How -deceived were his worthy parents in their hopes of him! he is a stranger -to every sentiment of virtue. I have had a letter this day from my lady -V----, wherein she laments the degeneracy of her son, whom they were -made to believe a pattern of excellence: but the tutor to whom they -entrusted him was as profligate as himself. In short, she says he is -quite a reprobate; she has not the least authority or influence over -him; she laments this, particularly on our account; we are indebted to -him near five thousand pounds, and my lady says, she fears he will press -Mr Arnold. He is profuse, she says, in his expences, without being -generous. - -What can we do my dear? There is not the least prospect now of our being -able to pay this money, but by selling the only remaining stake we have -left. Had my lord lived, he made us hope that by his interest he could -procure Mr Arnold some employment which would have enabled him to -discharge this debt at his ease, without our being obliged to strip -ourselves of our all. As we purposed living with the utmost oeconomy, -this might have been accomplished in a few years. This prospect is now -lost to us. We must submit. I have begged of Mr Arnold to think -immediately of selling my jointure, for we have no reason to expect any -lenity from a man of such a character as the present lord V---- is. We -can subsist upon the income, which my mother is so good as to allow us: -it is precarious it is true, but something may happen; I rely on that -providence, who has hitherto protected me. - - - _April 28_ - -Lady V----'s apprehensions were but too well founded. We have had a -letter from her son's agent. The debt _must_ be paid; and we are come to -a resolution to sell two hundred and fifty pounds a year. We shall then -have but fifty pounds a year in the world which we can call our own! I -reckon not upon my mother's life, these afflictions I fear will hasten -her departure to another world. From Sir George we have nothing to -expect: he is absorbed in vanity; his new alliances engross him -intirely. - -My dear lady V---- writes us word, she will do her utmost to promote Mr -Arnold's interest. She has numerous and powerful friends; and says, she -makes no doubt of obtaining something for him worth his acceptance. -Believe me, my Cecilia, I am not disheartened at this fresh blow. If my -dear Mr Arnold could reconcile himself to it, I could be well contented. -I will not now (though you used to accuse me of it) anticipate -misfortunes; we have still enough for the present to live on decently; -and if my lady V----'s kind endeavours should succeed, we may yet be -happily provided for. I will not let the thought of my mother's death -interfere: let me but calm the anxious fears of my poor Mr Arnold, and -all will be well. - - - _May 12_ - -Thank God we have done with the merciless lord V----! his money is to be -paid directly to him. I have recovered my tranquility; I enjoy my little -in peace; and have the comfort to see Mr Arnold's mind more at ease, and -reconciled to his lot. To lady V--'s goodness, as well as my own earnest -endeavours, I impute this. She says, she has the promise of an -honourable and a profitable post for him; but we are to wait some months -for it. The person who is now in possession of this place is to be -preferred to a better, and she says, she has the word of an _honest_ man -on the occasion; 'he is a very _great_ man too, says my lady in her -letter, but as it is on the first part of his character chiefly we are -to depend, I mention the other only by the by.' - -Now, my dear, have I not reason to be contented? A thankless heart -should I have if I were not; but I am, indeed, my Cecilia, I am; and I -begin again to be happy. Our domestick felicity was but disturbed for a -while, it was not over-thrown. - -Here will I close; I have an opportunity of sending this immediately by -a private hand to my beloved. - - -[_Here Mrs Arnold's maid Patty continues the journal._] - - - _May 15_ - -By my lady's orders I take up the pen; and she has charged me to set -down every particular. God knows I am ill able to do it! but I will -strive to obey her. My poor dear lady is in such trouble, she has not -the heart to write, nor scarcely to do any thing. - -My master--Oh! madam, how shall I express myself! my poor master, now he -is so good, we are going, I fear, to lose him: I must write, according -to my lady's custom, every thing in the best order I can. - -You cannot think, madam, how happy they have lived together ever since -my lady came home to him again. He seemed to grow fonder and fonder of -her every day; I believe he perfectly adored her, and he had reason. - -You know, madam, my lady was always used to a chariot; but they never -attempted keeping one since they came down to Sidney-castle. She asked -my master once, if he had a horse quiet enough for her to venture to -ride on to church? I observed my master turned away his face, and put -his handkerchief to his eyes. I believe he thought of a little favourite -pad that he had given to Mrs Gerrarde. I have not one, my love, said he, -that I would trust you on. You had once a pretty horse that you were -fond of, but my desperate folly has not even left you that; but I will -look out for one that will suit you. No matter, my dear, said my lady -smiling, and taking him by the hand, I will ride double, I think that -will suit me best. Dearest of women! said my master (and he fetched a -deep sigh), when shall I be able to make you amends? He lamented hourly -the loss of his fortune for her sake. What will become of you, my -dearest creature, and my two poor children, said he (when he was obliged -to part with her jointure), if I should die before you; and then he -cried, and wrung his hands. My lady begged of him to put such melancholy -thoughts out of his head, saying, they never disturbed her. I hope, -said she, I shall never see your death; but if it pleases God to punish -me so far, a little, a very little, will content me for the rest of my -days. My master embraced her, and the sweet children; and said, if -heaven spared him life, he would yet be the happiest man in the world. -Many a time have I been witness to such discourse between them; for they -knew my love for them was so great, that they would never scruple -talking of their affairs before me. Oh! madam, I believe there was never -a truer penitent than my master. My dear lady has said to me, since they -were forced to sell her jointure, Patty, though we are now reduced to -little more than two hundred pounds a year, I have much more comfort -than when we had twelve. I have the satisfaction of seeing Mr Arnold -such as I wish him; he is an altered man, Patty; he is truly virtuous, -and I am sure he loves me now from right reason. I am content with the -little that is left us. - -I always prayed for her prosperity; but, madam, God is pleased to order -things otherwise than we poor silly mortalls think the best. My lady has -always been good and pious, and I hope he will yet bring her out of her -troubles, tho' they are great and many. - -My lady always charged me to be minute, and to write particulars; but, -good madam, excuse the silly way I put my words together. I have not yet -come to the dismal part of my story, and I hardly know how to go on, for -indeed I am forced to break off every now and then to cry. Reason enough -I have, to be sure; but what is _my_ sorrow compared to my lady's! - -The day before yesterday my master was asked by some gentlemen in our -neighbourhood to go a hunting: he had no mind to go, for my lady was not -very well, and he was unwilling to leave her; but she persuaded him, -because she knew he loved hunting dearly; she has blamed herself for it -ever since, but she could not know by enchantment what was to happen. He -left my lady in bed, and went out about five o'clock in the morning. At -eight, as my lady was sitting at breakfast, and I attending, the other -maid called me out. Our man, who had gone abroad with my master, was in -the kitchen, and looked as pale as death. I asked him what was the -matter? The poor fellow could hardly speak; but at last said, my master -has got a desperate fall in leaping a ditch, and I am afraid has hurt -his skull: he is lying at farmer Hill's cottage, and one of the -gentleman is rid off for a surgeon; but that is no place for him, we -must get him home: but I thought it best to prepare my lady before she -sees him. My lady rung her bell before I could answer him; I ran in, -but I am sure I looked like a ghost, for my lady started when she saw -me. Bless me! Patty, said she, what is the matter? Has any thing -happened to your master? Not much Madam, said I. He is killed she cried, -and sprung out of her chair. Indeed he is not, Madam, I answered, -standing between her and the door; but he has got a fall, and is a -little hurt. She made me no answer, but flew down stairs, out at the -front door, and down the avenue as quick as an arrow. I ran after her, -and the other servants after me; we could not overtake her; but she was -soon stopped, for she met my poor master borne by four men. I suppose -she thought he was dead, for she fainted away directly, and we carried -her in after him. - -My master was put to-bed; he was alive, but not able to speak. He had -got a dreadful cut in his head, and was sadly bruised besides. - -As soon as my lady came to herself, we told her my master was not -killed. She went into his room, but had not power to speak, but sat like -a stone statue at his bed-side. The surgeon came in less than half an -hour. I believe he is but a sorry one; for after he had dressed the -wound, he said there was no danger in it. At first we were all in hopes -that it was so; for about two o'clock my master got his speech again; he -complained of sickness at his stomach, and violent pains all over him. - -My lady, on hearing him speak, seemed to be rouzed as if out of a deep -sleep. Several of the gentlemen, who had been out with my master, had -come to enquire how he did; and though some of them came into his -chamber, my mistress did not speak, nor seem to regard any of them. The -first word she uttered was to call me; Patty, said she, what is the -reason I do not see Mr Main here? It was my brother she meant, who is a -surgeon; and I believe, madam, she has mentioned him to you, as one that -is reckoned pretty skilful in his business. One of the gentlemen -immediately said, by all means let him be sent for directly. My brother -was soon fetched, and he thought proper to bleed my master in the arm. -He would not take the dressings off his head, as the other surgeon had -declared the skull was not touched; but said, he would be present when -the wound was dressed the next day; and would watch all night by my -master. - -My lady was not to be removed from the bed-side, nor could we persuade -her to take any sustenance the whole day. My poor master was in a high -fever all night; and I thought he strove to stifle his groans, that my -lady might not hear them. She did for all that; and I am sure every one -of them was worse than a dagger to her heart. She stole out of the room -several times for a minute, and I could hear her bursting into tears as -soon as she was without side the door; then she would come in again, and -sit by him, till her heart was again so full, she was forced to go out -to give it vent. The whole night passed over in this dismal way. - -When my master's head was examined the next day, my brother found that -the skull was not touched where he had received the cut, but that it was -broke in two other places, and in so dangerous a way, that it was -impossible to save his life, as it was not in a part where he could be -trepanned. The other surgeon, who found he had been mistaken at first, -now joined with my brother in opinion that the world could not save my -master's life. Oh! madam, if you had seen my lady when this was declared -to her! I shall never forget her looks. I remember a piece of fine -painting at your house, which I used to hear your family commend -mightily. It was the picture of despair. My lady put me in mind of this -piece; she had the very countenance of it; but I think, if she had then -sat to a painter, he could have made a stronger and more heart-breaking -look even than that picture has. - -Such another dismal day and night I believe never was passed in this -house. My brother staid with us, though he could do but little service, -except to watch my poor master, for he was between whiles quite out of -his reason-- - -No rest did my lady take all last night. She could not be got out of the -room; she has tasted nothing these two days, nor slept a wink these two -nights--She will destroy herself--What will become of us?--I have wrote -to my lady Bidulph, to let her know the deplorable condition we are all -in--My God! what will become of the poor children, if my lady goes on at -this rate! She cannot hold out to be sure, such a load of sorrow at her -heart, without nourishment or sleep--Oh! my good madam, I am not able to -go on with my task--We have not the least hopes in the world--My master -grows worse and worse every hour: he has his reason now, and is sensible -that he is dying. Heaven knows, if I could lay down my life to save his, -how gladly would I do it! I should be no loss, but he will be a grievous -one-- - -Lord help me! I am not able to go on--I have writ this by bits and -scraps-- - - [_Mr Main in continuation_]. - - _May 16, Three o'clock in the Morning._ - -Mr Arnold had been delirious the greatest part of yesterday; but about -six o'clock in the evening, having come a little to his senses, he was -conscious that he was going fast, and desired that prayers might be read -by him. His lady sent for the minister of the parish, but he was gone to -London: the gentleman whom he had left to do his duty, was taken ill the -night before, and was not able to leave his bed. He sent the messager -that went for him, to another clergyman, who lived about four miles -farther off, to request he would attend in his stead; but he was engaged -on the same duty in his own parish, and could not come, he said, till -next morning. The servant had wasted above two hours on this errand; it -was nine o'clock when he returned. Mr Arnold during this interval had -had several ramblings; but was now again a little composed, though -apparently worse. I whispered the apothecary, who just then came in, -that he could not live 'till morning. Mrs Arnold observed me, and begged -to know what I said. I told her tenderly, that I feared Mr Atkins (that -was the clergyman's name) would arrive too late, if he deferred his -visit 'till next day. - -She made me no answer, but seemed to study a little; then went -composedly to Mr Arnold's bed-side. My dear, said she, Mr Downs is -unluckily from home; his assistant is sick in bed; and we cannot tonight -get any other clergyman to visit you: but as you are desirous of -offering up your prayers to Almighty God, I hope it will not be improper -if I read the service for the sick by you. He stretched out his hand -towards her, and said, in a faint, yet eager voice, Do, do, my good -angel! Tears stood in the lady's eyes as she turned from him; but she -quickly wiped them off, and requested of me and the apothecary to join -with her in the solemn office she was going to perform, which she said, -though she was sensible it was an irregular act, yet she hoped, from the -necessity of the case, would be accepted in the sight of God. - -She ordered my sister to fetch her a prayer-book; and then kneeled down -at Mr Arnold's bed-side. - -Surely nothing ever appeared so graceful; her fine hands and her fine -eyes lifted up to heaven, while the book lay open before her on a little -table. Such a reverential, such an ardent, yet such a mournful -supplication in those fine eyes! She looked like something more than -human! After having in this posture offered up a short petition in -silence, she began the service. - -Never did I see true devotion before; the fervor of her looks, and the -tone of her voice was such, you would have thought she beheld her -Creator with her bodily eyes. For my part, I looked on her with such -reverence, that she appeared to me like an angel, interceding for us -poor mortal sinners. - -She went through the office with admirable strength of mind (omitting -the exhortation) 'till she came to that part of the prayer, which says, -'yet for as much as in all appearance the time of his dissolution -draweth nigh, &c'. Here her voice faultered, and she stopped; but soon -recovered herself, and proceeded with an unbroken tone to the end. Every -one present wept but herself. She thanked us for our kindness in -staying, and begged we would continue by poor Mr Arnold, while there was -the least possibility of administering any relief to him. - -I told her I would most willingly obey her commands, and sit up all the -night with him, though it was not in human power to give him any -assistance. - -She repeated her thanks, and then sitting down by the bed-side, remained -composed and silent. - -About twelve o'clock, finding Mr Arnold speechless, I entreated her to -retire to her own chamber, and if she could not sleep, to take some -little refreshment; for she had taken nothing that whole day, nor for -the two preceding ones, but a dish of tea which my sister had forced on -her. - -Mr Main, said she, suffer me to continue a little longer; my task will -soon be over. I was unwilling to urge her; and she remained sitting in -her place. - -About two o'clock, we heard Mr Arnold give a deep groan: He is gone, -said she, and started off her chair. I stepped to his bed-side, and -found indeed he had breathed his last. She snatched up one of his hands -that lay upon the coverlid of the bed, held it for near a minute to her -lips, and then, without any audible token of grief, went out of the -room. - -I pray God to support and comfort this excellent woman. - - - [_Patty in continuation_]. - - -Amen! Amen!--Sure my dear unhappy lady is enough to break one's heart to -see her. I was not able to go on, good madam, and begged of my brother -to set down what happened, and he has put it in better words than I -could. My lady shut herself up for the remainder of the night, and would -not suffer any one to come near her; it is easy to guess how she spent -her time: rest, to be sure, she took none; she could not, if she had -been inclined; for there was no bed in the chamber where she locked -herself up. In the morning, a lady, who is our neighbour, a worthy good -woman, came in her own coach, and took away my lady and the two -children. She neither consented nor refused; but seemed to let us do -what we would with her; for she said nothing, but suffered the lady and -me to lead her down stairs, and put her into the coach. But the sight of -the two children, threw her into such an agony, that I thought I should -have died on the spot only with seeing her. - -I have writ again to lady Bidulph: if she is able, to be sure she will -come down; but I had rather she would send for my lady, for this is a -sorrowful place for her to stay in. - - - _May 20_ - -My lady has received a message from her mother, desiring her to come to -town directly with the children. She says she is not able to come down -for her, as her health is but bad; and my lady V---- has been so good as -to send down her own coach to carry the little family to town. - -My brother has taken the care of my master's funeral upon himself. He is -to be carried to the family burying place at Arnold-Abbey. As soon as -that is over, we must try to get my lady to town; she has no business to -go into her own lonely house again; it would be enough to kill her. - - - _May 30_ - -Thank God we have got back safe to London. My lady keeps up wonderfully, -under the load of grief that she has at her heart. She does not complain -nor lament herself, as I have seen some do, who have not been in half -her trouble. She hardly spoke a word during her whole journey, and -strove as much as possible not to cry; but I could observe that she -never turned her eyes on the two little babes, one of whom sat on my -lap, and the other beside me, but the tears ran down her cheeks. - -It was a doleful sight, the meeting between her and my lady Bidulph. The -poor old lady grieves sadly, and looks mighty ill: I am afraid she will -not hold out long; she has had great trials, for a lady so far in -years. Sir George came to see my lady; he looked troubled: I hope he -will be good to her. - - - _June 1_ - -My lady asked me this morning if I had thought of keeping any journal -for this fortnight past. I told her I had, and she desired to see it. -She shed so many tears while she read it, that the paper was quite wet -when she gave it to me again. She ordered me to make up the packet, and -send it off, as she was not in a condition to add any thing to it -herself. - - - [_Mrs Arnold in continuation_]. - - - _June 20_ - -Yes, my dear Cecilia, I have need of the tender condolements, with which -your last packet was filled. Well may you call me a child of affliction; -I am now so exercised in sorrows, that I look forward to nothing else. - -Patty, I find, has been a faithful journalist; and has carried down her -melancholy narrative to this day: this day, on which, for the first -time, I have taken a pen in my hand for more than two months; but my -eyes are much better, and I hope I shall not have occasion for the -assistance of her pen, unless some new calamity should again disqualify -me from using my own. - -Yet in the midst of my griefs, ought I not to return thanks to heaven, -that I have such an asylum to fly to, as the arms of one of the best of -mothers? Oh! my dear, while I have her, I ought not to say, that I have -lost every thing. Sir George has been more obliging since my fatal loss -than he was before; but still there wants that cordial heart which he -formerly had. As for his lady, I know very little of her. She came to -see me twice since my arrival in town, in all the formal parade of a -state visit. How ill does the vanity of pomp suit with a house of -mourning! Her visits were short, formal, and cold. She seems to be -intolerably proud, and I thought looked as if she was disgusted at -visiting people in lodgings, who were so nearly related to her. My -brother and she are to go down this summer into Scotland, to see a -nobleman who is her uncle by her mother's side. She is ridiculously vain -of her family, and has taught Sir George to be so too; so that now he -hardly vouchsafes to own a relation that is untitled. - - - _June 21_ - -Lady V----, whose friendship has been one of the chief resources of -comfort to me, went out of town this morning. She is retired, for life I -fear, to a distant part of Lancashire, in order to spend the rest of her -days with her eldest sister, a widow lady, of whom she is very fond. Her -son's ill behaviour has disgusted her so, she has broke with him -intirely. Her younger son is gone into the army, not, I find, with her -approbation: and she told me, she has nothing now worth living for, at -least nothing for which she should subject herself to the cares of life. -She insisted on my corresponding with her; and renewed her assurances of -that kind attachment, which I have already so strongly experienced. - -At another time the loss of this dear woman's society would have -affected me more sensibly; but I am so inured to disappointment and -grief, that I am almost become a stoic. - -Patty has already informed you, that Miss Burchell is often with us; she -is more sollicitous, more assiduous than ever in her attendance on my -mother. I find she even sat up with her two nights, on an illness which -seized her on her first hearing the news of my misfortune. Poor girl! My -mother tells me she went so far as to express her apprehensions on my -being again single; but my mother quieted her fears on that head (not -without a soft reprimand for her doubting), by putting her in mind, that -besides the circumstances not being altered in regard to her, she had -received my solemn promise, that, whenever it was in my power, I would -use my whole influence (whatever that might be) in her favour. I did -make her such a promise, and shall fulfil it to the utmost. - -Mr Faulkland's absence from the kingdom hitherto put it out of my power; -nor would I, without my beloved Mr Arnold's participation, have ever -attempted it. Had he lived, fully restored as I was to his confidence -and good opinion, I should have ventured to disclose the secret to him, -and got him to join with me in such measures, as I should have thought -best for Miss Burchell's happiness. It now rests upon myself alone, and -I will leave nothing unattempted to serve her. - - - _June 22_ - -You will be surprized perhaps, my Cecilia, when I tell you that Mr -Faulkland is now in England. Miss Burchell told me so this day. She -mentioned it in a careless manner, rather directing her discourse to my -mother. She had too much delicacy to hint at consequences of any kind -from this circumstance, and quickly turned from the subject. My mother -asked her impatiently, when he came; where he was; and several other -questions; to none of which she could give any answer, but that she -heard he had been returned above three months and was at his seat in -Hertfordshire. I am surprized Sir George never mentioned this to me: to -be sure he knew it; he is not extremely nice in his notions; however, -this is a decorum for which I am obliged to him. Lady V---- doubtless -was ignorant of it, or she would have told me. - -There is nothing now to prevent me from warmly interfering for Miss -Burchell. Charming young woman! how is she to be pitied! The tedious -years of suspence, of almost hopeless love, that she has passed, deserve -a recompence; and her little boy, my mother tells me, is a lovely -creature. Miss Burchell brought him once to see my mother; Mr -Faulkland's former house-keeper visits the child often, and has brought -his mother frequent and large supplies for his use. - -I told Miss Burchell, at parting to-day, that I had not forgot my -promise; and that, as soon as decency would permit, nothing should -hinder me from being a most strenuous advocate for her. She squeezed my -hand, and whispered, dear madam, my fate is in your power! - -I would it were, then should she soon be happy. But I will acquit myself -as far as I am able. - - - _June 23_ - -I was prevailed on to dine at my brother's to-day, the first time that I -have been abroad ever since I came to town. I had no mind to go; but my -mother, not being well, had excused herself; and she said, it would be -taken amiss if I did so too, lady Sarah herself having made the -invitation. Her ladyship said, I need not be fearful of meeting -strangers at her house, as it was to be a private day. So much the -better, thought I; nothing else should induce me to go. - -It was the first time I ever was in Sir George's house, which is a very -magnificent one, within a door or two of Mr Faulkland's, in St -James's-Square, as lady Sarah did not approve of that which he had -before. But, my dear, the ostentation of this woman made me sick; such a -parade of grandeur, such an unnecessary display of state and splendor, I -thought, looked like an insult upon me. I was carried into a most -sumptuous drawing-room; but as this was a private day, as she called -it, the furniture was all covered up with body-cloths; and the room, -having been newly washed, felt extremely cold. - -I was told her ladyship was dressing, though it was then, as I imagined, -her dinner-time. After I had shivered here for about half an hour, lady -Sarah's woman came to desire me to walk up stairs. As the woman did not -know me, and, from the little ceremony she saw me treated with, -concluded I was some humble visitor, she took me up the back stairs to -her lady's dressing-room, where I found lady Sarah, who was not yet half -dressed, in consultation with her millener. The woman was trying some -head-dresses on her before the glass. She made me a very slight apology -for having kept me waiting so long; and, to mend the matter, told me, as -she was not near ready, if I chose looking at the house, I should have -time enough to do it before dinner. I thanked her; but said, I had -already sat so long in the cold, that I felt myself chilled; and, with -her ladyship's permission, would place myself at her fire-side till -dinner was ready. She asked her woman, carelessly, why I had not been -shewn into the dining-parlour. She then turned to her millener again, to -whom she gave a particular charge to have a suit of very rich point, -which she had fixed on, done up for her against the next night; by which -I found my sister was going to throw off her mourning intirely; that -which she had on being so slight, that it was scarcely to be -distinguished for such. - -My brother entered the room while she was thus employed; and having -saluted me, looked at his watch, and asked lady Sarah, had she ordered -dinner later than usual? She told him, she had ordered it half an hour -later than ordinary, as she had a mind to make a long morning, having -dedicated it to trades-people, with whom she had a hundred things to -settle. My brother cast a side-glance at me: I thought he looked a -little abashed at the impertinence and ill-breeding of his wife. - -Lady Sarah had by this time huddled on her cloaths: a laced footman -appeared at the door, who summoned us, by a silent bow, to dinner. - -The millener gathered up her frippery, and put them into a band-box; -telling her, she would wait on her ladyship again. Lady Sarah answered, -You have got a monstrous way to go, Mrs--(I forget the name); and, as I -have not half done with you yet, you may stay and dine here, as we are -alone, and I will look over the rest of the things in the evening, as I -shall not have another leisure day while I am in town. - -This was going a little too far: Sir George felt it. I believe, lady -Sarah, said he, this gentlewoman has a coach waiting for her at the door -(he had seen it, for he was but just come in); perhaps it may be -inconvenient to detain her: she may leave the things, and call another -time. The woman took the hint, though she before seemed inclined to -accept of the honour lady Sarah had done her. She made her curt'sey, and -withdrew. As this, however, had brought on a variety of fresh -instructions, it detained us so long, that the dinner was quite cold; -nor was our repast, had it even been warm, by any means answerable to -the elegance of the service, the superb sideboard, and the number of -attendants. In short, the dinner was composed of a parcel of tossed-up -dishes, that looked like the fragments of a feast. You know there is -nobody more indifferent to the pleasures of the table than I am; yet I -own that this, joined to the rest of this foolish woman's behaviour, -nettled me extremely. There was such a mixture of sordidness and vanity -in the whole apparatus, as made it truly contemptible. - -I made haste to put an end to my visit, as soon as I possibly could -after dinner, with a resolution never to repeat it. - -From these few sketches of lady Sarah, you may form some kind of an idea -of what sort of creature it is. I should pity Sir George, but that I -think her disposition is not extremely opposite to his own. - - - _June 24_ - -I am told that the widow Arnold is actually married to that vile -attorney who was the contriver, and more than partner, in her -iniquity. I am really glad she has lost the name of a family to which -she was a disgrace. Every-body now believes that I and my children -have been greatly injured; but how unavailing is compassion; it only -mortifies, when it is expressed by the pitying words and looks of -people, who have it neither in their power nor inclination to assist -you. This Mrs Arnold, bad as she is, is visited and caressed. Favour -always follows the fortunate. - - - _June 25_ - -This day Sir George and his lady set out for Scotland. He came to -take his leave of us; but made an apology for lady Sarah, whose hurry -would not permit her to call on us. My brother says, they shall stay -some months at her uncle's, Lord K----. He told me, at parting, he -should write to me as soon as he got to his journey's end, having -something very particular to say to me. - - - _July 7_ - -I have read over my journal of the last fortnight, and am startled to -think what a poor insignificant being I am! Not a single act worth -recording, even to _you_. My whole life perhaps may have passed so; yet -one is apt to fancy, that they are doing something of importance, while -they are engaged in the little bustle of the world, be it in ever so -trifling a manner; and when you find you have a variety of incidents to -relate, in which you yourself were concerned, that your time has not -been spent in vain. But for these last fourteen days, had I kept a -journal for my cat, I think I should have had as much to say for her. - - - _July 8_ - - -I shall grow busy again: I have received the promised letter from Sir -George; an extraordinary one it is: but I will not anticipate the -contents; read them yourself. - - Dear Sidney, _July 4, 1706._ - - I have a serious subject to offer to your consideration, which - made me the rather chuse to engage your attention in this manner, - than in a conversation between ourselves; liable as that would be - to interruptions, objections, and frivolous punctilios, from which - you have already suffered so severely. - - I have paid so much regard to that decorum of which you are so - fond, as never to have mentioned Mr Faulkland's name to you since - you were become a widow, though it is near four months since he - returned to England. - - As I kept up a correspondence with him when he was abroad, you may - be sure I informed him of your reconciliation to your late - husband; a reconciliation, which, if you thought it a happiness to - you, you were indebted to Faulkland for. This single circumstance - it was that inclined him to return to England, which otherwise - perhaps he would never again have seen, though the necessity of - his affairs here, which he had left at random, required his - presence. To avoid giving umbrage to your husband, he repaired - privately to his house in the country, where I paid him a visit. - Few of his friends, except myself, knew of his being in the - kingdom. - - Remember, Sidney, the great obligations you have to Mr Faulkland, - and let that prepare your mind for what I am going to say. - - You are now become a free woman: Faulkland loves you still, with - an unparallel'd affection. I had a letter from him soon after your - arrival in town, wherein he mentions the revival of his hopes from - your present situation, and intreats me to be mindful of his - interest. He charged me, however, not to mention his name to you, - till a decent time was passed; otherwise probably you would have - been acquainted with these particulars sooner: but Faulkland - himself has a little too much of that ridiculous nicety which you - admire so. I think I have waited till a _very_ decent time, as you - have now been almost three months a widow. - - I have very little reason to imagine that _my_ influence, on this - occasion, will have any weight either with you or my mother: I - have had proofs of this already; but I hope you will not be so - blind to your own interest, as to refuse the good that fortune - once more throws at your feet. I can hardly suppose you so weak, - as to let the absurd objection, which formerly prevented your - happiness, still prevail with you to reject the same happiness, so - unexpectedly again offered to your acceptance. - - My mother and you have by this time learnt how to forgive _human - frailties_. Indeed you forgave such enormities, that Faulkland's - transgression, in comparison of them, was innocence. But I will - not reproach the memory of the dead. - - Whatever pretence you might formerly have had to carry your - punctilios to an extraordinary height, certain circumstances in - your life have now made your situation very different. You are - destitute of fortune, incumbered with children. Reflect on this, - and let your own imagination supply the rest. To any-body but - yourself, I should think all that I have said needless; but I know - the minds that I have to deal with. - - I must take this opportunity of telling you, that I am surprized - at my mother's continued attachment to Miss Burchell; she is an - artful creature, and, I think, by no means a proper acquaintance - for you. I am far from wishing to injure her; but such an intimacy - may be dangerous. - - You will certainly hear from Faulkland before it be long. I repeat - it again, You owe him more than ever you will be able to repay: - the recompence he deserves will ensure your own happiness and - prosperity: your gratitude, as well as your prudence, will now be - put to the test, and your conduct, on this occasion, will - determine me as to the light in which I shall henceforth consider - you. - - Present my duty to my mother. Lady Sarah desires her service may - be accepted. - - I am, &c. - -What a letter is this, my sister! But Sir George is still himself; -gross; void of sentiment: he dreams of nothing but the glaring -advantages that fortune and rank in life procure. And how he argues -too! Weak arguer! He _will not suppose that the objection_ (absurd -he calls it), _which formerly prevented my happiness, should still -prevail with me to reject the same happiness_--Why not? Is the -nature of Mr Faulkland's offence changed? Has he ever repaired it? -Has not Miss Burchell the same claim she ever had? Nay, a stronger -than ever, if years of unabated love can give it her? _My mother and -I have by this time learnt to forgive human frailties; nay, we forgave -enormities_--Unkind brother, to rake up the unfortunate ashes of my -beloved. We have, indeed, learnt to forgive human frailties; but they -were the frailties of a husband, a repenting husband, who was seduced to -the commission of those crimes which he abhorred: but surely that is no -plea for my overlooking the faults of another, to whom I am under no -such tie. I am now _without fortune, and incumbered with children_. -Indelicate man! does he think _that_ an argument in favour of his -proposal? It is a strong one against it. Shall I, who, when I was in the -virgin-bloom of youth, flattered with some advantages of person, which -time and grief have since impaired, and not destitute of fortune; I, who -then rejected Mr Faulkland from motives which still subsist; shall I, -now that I have lost those advantages, meanly condescend to accept of -this rejected man? This would, indeed, be acknowleging, that the -humiliating change had levelled me to those principles which I formerly -contemned; would lay me under mortifying obligations to Mr Faulkland, -and destroy the merit of that refusal which proceeded from such -justifiable motives. - -No, my sordid brother! if I _could_ recompence Mr Faulkland as he -deserves at my hands, I _would_ do it; but, with such a mind as I bear, -it cannot be done your way. I say nothing of the promise I made Miss -Burchell; if I had never made her such, my sentiments would be the same -from those other considerations; but such a promise, binding as it is, -determined my conduct beyond the possibility of a doubt. - -How unreasonable are Sir George's prejudices with regard to this unhappy -young creature! He is for ever throwing out some invective against her. -It is cruel; but I am tempted to forgive him, as I know it proceeds from -his attachment to his friend. He need not put me in mind of the -gratitude I owe Mr Faulkland; I am thoroughly sensible of it; but Sir -George and I differ widely in our ideas of expressing this gratitude. My -_conduct in this affair is to determine him as to the light in which he -is hereafter to consider me_. Why, be it so. He has long lost the -tenderness of a brother for me; I will not regain it at the expence of -my honour. I know the worst that can befall me is poverty. I have -already experienced almost every possible ill in life but that, and for -that I am prepared. But I will not call myself poor while I have an -upright heart to support me; and the means, poor and despicable as they -are, of sustaining life. But what do I call despicable? Have I not an -estate, my dear, a whole fifty pounds a year, that I can call my own? -This much was reserved to me out of my jointure when the rest was sold; -and on this, whenever it pleases heaven to take my mother away, will I -retire to some cottage in a cheap country, where my two children and I -will live, and smile at the rich and the great. - -My brother's letter has vexed and disgusted me exceedingly. _Lady Sarah -presents her service._ Vain woman! is that a becoming phrase to the -mother of her husband? I am so provoked, I think I shall not answer him: -he has no relish for such arguments as I could produce in support of my -own opinions, and my writing to him would only bring on disagreeable -altercations. My mother is in a downright passion with him: Selfish -wretch! she called him; and said, he would sacrifice both honour and -justice to his own pride. - - - _July 19_ - -Miss Burchell; poor soul, how I pity her! Her anxiety increases every -hour. She, you may be sure, keeps a look-out on all Mr Faulkland's -motions; for, she tells me, she hears he is arrived in town. I suppose I -shall receive a notice of some kind or other from him. The unhappy -girl; she grieves me to see her! There was never so extravagant a love -as her's: she has nourished it in solitude, and I believe has a heart -naturally tender to an uncommon degree; otherwise she could not, -for so long a time, and with so little hopes, have preserved so -undiminished a fondness; but some accidents have, I know not how, -combined to feed this flame. She acknowleges that Mr Faulkland's -being disappointed in espousing me, gave the first encouragement to -her hopes; for, she said, she had reason to believe that I was the only -woman in the world that stood between her and her happiness; and -Mr Faulkland's remaining single ever since, confirmed her in that -opinion. Then the generous attention that he paid to her welfare, in -recommending her to my mother's notice, when he first left England; -the noble supplies that he constantly furnished her with ever since for -the child's use; his behaviour to Mrs Gerrarde, who, she says, is the -most ensnaring of creatures; the tender manner that he mentioned -her in his letter to my brother; my mother's constantly indulging her -in the belief that she would one day recover Mr Faulkland's -affections: all these circumstances, I say, joined together, have kept -alive the warmest and most romantic love I ever saw or heard of. Well -may the men say, that forsaken women are always the most passionate -lovers: it may be so, and Miss Burchell is one instance of the truth of -this observation; but I think _I_ should never make another. There is -something to me unaccountable in this; but Miss Burchell is all made -up of languishments and softness. I have heard her speak of Mr -Faulkland in so rapturous a strain as has amazed me; and she once -owned to me, that she is sure she must have died, if he had not -returned her love! Return it! Ah! my Cecilia, how did he return it? -How mortifying is her situation! to be compelled to court the man -who flies her, and to make use of a rival's mediation too! but let me -forget that name; I am no longer so to her, and shall do my best to -prove it. She wearied me with importunities to write to Mr -Faulkland, now he is come to town; but I beseeched her to have a -little patience, till some overture was first made by him toward a -renewal of our acquaintance, which, I told her, it was very probable I -should soon receive. You may be sure I took care not to let her know -of the intimation I had from Sir George. She seems fearful of my -seeing Mr Faulkland. Oh! madam, said she, if he beholds your face -again, I am undone, unless you can first prevail with him--She -stopped. 'I understand you, dear Miss Burchell; I give you my word I -will not see Mr Faulkland, unless I am first convinced I can restore -him to you.' 'How good you are, madam! your influence, all potent as -it is, can work miracles. If Mr Faulkland is _sure_ you will never be his, -perhaps he may return to his _first_ love.' My dear, ought she to have -said so? But it is no matter; it is nothing to me now, who was his first -or second love. - - - _July 20_ - -It has happened to my wish; a billet from Mr Faulkland, sent with -compliments and how-do-ye's, to my mother and me. Miss Burchell, -who almost lives with us, was present when I received it: her colour -came and went several times while our servant delivered his message. -I gave the letter into her hand as soon as I had read it. There is -nothing alarming in it, madam, said I; see yourself; only a few -friendly lines, such as I might expect. Her hands shook while she -held the paper. Now, madam, said she, returning it; now you have a -charming opportunity of writing to him. I shall not fail, said I, to -make use of it, and will let you see what I write. - -These are the contents of Mr Faulkland's letter: - - Will you, madam, permit a forgotten, though not the least zealous - of your friends, to enquire after your welfare? Forgive me, if I - renew your grief, when I tell you, that, as I must participate in - every thing that relates to you, I have deeply mourned with you on - the late calamity that has befallen you. When Lady Bidulph opens - her doors to her general acquaintance; if I may presume to mingle - in the crowd, and kiss her hands, I shall esteem it as a - particular honour; but will not, without her permission, attempt - it. She is too good to refuse me this indulgence: you, madam, I - hope, will not forbid it to - - The humblest, and - most devoted of your servants, - - _Wednesday ORLANDO FAULKLAND. - morning._ - -Yes, Orlando, I must forbid you; I know the consequences of thy -insidious visits. I'll try you to the quick. You have given me an -opportunity of writing to you (I think) without any impropriety. Miss -Burchell's interest is uppermost in my wishes, and I will at least try -what my influence on this romantic wayward heart can effect. - -How happy should I think myself, if _my_ mediation, _all potent_ as she -called it, would have the desired success! - - - _July 21_ - -I wrote to Mr Faulkland last night: my mother approved of the letter, -which I shewed her before I sent it. Mr Faulkland was abroad when -it was left at his house; but as I received an answer to it early this -morning, I will give you copies of the two letters together; and first -that of mine to Mr Faulkland. - - I thank you, sir, thank you from my heart, for your friendship, - and beg you will not think me ungrateful for having thus long - deferred to pay you my acknowlegements for the signal favours I - have received at your hands. I am sensible, Sir, that it was owing - to your compassion, your generosity, and disinterested nobleness - of mind, that I was once indebted for the greatest blessing of my - life. To you I owe the vindicating of my suspected faith, and the - being restored to the affection of my dear husband. For this - goodness I have never ceased to bless and pray for you, and shall - continue to do so while I live. But oh! Sir, while you have given - _me_ so much cause for gratitude and esteem, why will you leave - one heart to sigh for your unkindness? a heart that admires, that - loves, that adores you! a heart worthy of your acceptance, and - which has a right to demand all your tenderness. Need I name the - amiable possessor of this heart? I need not; there is but one - woman in the world who owns this description: for her let me - become an advocate; she has won me to her party: indeed. Sir, she, - and she only, deserves your love. Her's, I am sure, you have ever - possessed unrivalled, though her youth, beauty, and charming - accomplishments, must have made her the object of every one's - wishes who saw her. 'Tis above four years since you first won her - virgin affections. What has been her portion since that fatal - time? Tears, solitude, and unremitting anguish. How can a mind - like yours, susceptible as it is of pity for the woes of others, - condemn _such_ a woman to perpetual sorrow? How can that - generosity, which has been so active on other occasions, droop and - languish where there is _such_ a cause to call forth all its - exertions? - - Do, Mr Faulkland, permit pity to plead in your bosom for the dear - Miss Burchell. I should urge paternal affection too; but to the - voice of nature you cannot be deaf. Your sweet little son calls - upon you to do him and his mother justice; the injured lady - herself implores your compassion; my mother, who equally admires - and loves her, intreats you; I, whom you once esteemed, conjure - you; the secret monitor in your own soul must join in our - sollicitations. Why, then, why will you shut your ears against - the united voice of reason, of conscience, and of gratitude? You - cannot, you will not do it. Miss Burchell's merit and sufferings - must be rewarded; and I shall bless Mr Faulkland as the guardian - of the injured, the patron of the afflicted, the assertor of his - own, as well as of my honour. This is the light, and this only, in - which I shall rejoice to see him. - - - _Mr_ FAULKLAND's _Answer_ - - You do well, Madam, you do well to anticipate my suit; and, with - so much cruel eloquence, to bid me despair. Yes, I see Miss - Burchell has won you to her party; but what have I done to merit - such a malevolent fate, that you, you of all created beings, - should become _her_ advocate? I little thought Mrs Arnold would - make such a barbarous use of her power. Tell me, thou dear tyrant, - how have I deserved this? Would it not have been kinder to have - said at once, Faulkland, do not hope; I never will be yours; I - hate, I despise you, and leave you to your fate? Oh! no; you are - artful in your cruelty; you would prevent even my wishes, and cut - off my hopes in their blossom, before they dare to unfold - themselves to you. - - But you have furnished me with weapons against yourself, and I - will use them with as little mercy as you have shewn to me. If - four years are past since I won Miss Burchell's affections, is it - not also _as_ long that I have loved you with an ardor--Oh thou - insensible! Were you not mine by your own consent, with your - mother's approbation? Was not the day, the hour fixed, that I was - to have led you to the altar? Miss Burchell's hopes were never - raised to such a pitch as mine, when an avenging fiend snatched - the promised blessing from my grasp. Think what were then my - sufferings. I saw you afterwards in the arms of another. Miss - Burchell never suffered _such_ torture. Had I seen you _happy_, I - might have been consoled. If Miss Burchell loved me as I have - loved you, she would rejoice in the prospect of my felicity. I - should have done so in your's, Heaven is my witness! Had you been - happy, I should not have thought myself miserable, though you were - lost to my hopes. - - Why do you compel me to urge an ungrateful truth in regard to Miss - Burchell? Madam, she has no claim to my vows: my gratitude, my - compassion, she has an ample right to, and she has them. More - might by this time have been her's, if I had never seen Mrs - Arnold. - - Remember, I do not yet desire permission to throw myself at your - feet; I revere you too much to make such a request; but do not - banish me your presence. I cannot always be proof against such - rigours. Indulge me at least in the hope that time may do - something in my favour. I will not desire you to tell me so; but - do not forbid it. Lady Bidulph knows I respect her; but she is - still obdurate. If _she_ relented, would not _you_ madam, do so - too? - I am, &c. - -How this man distresses me, my dear! What a difficult task have I -undertaken! yet I will go through with it. I am fearful of letting Miss -Burchell see his answer, so discouraging as it is for her; yet how can I -withhold it from her sight? 'Tis necessary I should conceal nothing from -her on this occasion; she confides in me, and I must not give her cause -for suspicion. _She has no right to his vows._ This he always said. It -is necessary the lady should be quite explicit with me. I doubt she has -not been altogether sincere in what she has said to my mother on this -subject. I shall see her presently, and discourse with her more -particularly on this head than I have ever yet done.... - -I have had a conference with Miss Burchell, a long one, and in private; -for I told my mother I wished to talk with her alone. - -I began with shewing her Mr Faulkland's last letter. It had the effect I -expected. She was exceedingly shocked. I laid my finger on that -paragraph, _She has no right to my vows_. It is necessary, my dear -madam, said I, that you should be perfectly open and candid with me on -this head. I have entered the lists for you, and will not give up your -cause; but it depends on you to furnish me with every possible argument -in your favour. If you mislead me by wrong insinuations, instead of -putting it in my power to serve you, you will only create to yourself -fresh obstacles. - -It is a nice subject, madam, and what I have ever been cautious of -touching upon to you; but in the present situation of your affairs, it -is of the utmost importance to you, that you should have no reserves to -me. When Mr Faulkland first recommended you to my mother's acquaintance, -he referred her to your honour, for an explanation of certain points, of -so delicate a nature, that I am loath to touch upon them. But pardon me, -dear Miss Burchell, you must be open with me. Mr Faulkland was obliged -to declare, in his own justification, that he never sought to gain your -affections; and was so far from endeavouring to take advantage of the -kind sentiments you had for him, that he avoided all opportunities of -improving them; that he was even surprized into the fatal step, which -has since made you so unhappy, by the artifices of that vile woman, who -had the care of you. - -Mr Faulkland relied so intirely on your candour, that, as I told you -before, he referred my mother to you, for a confirmation of the truth of -what he advanced; imagining that your testimony would in some measure -extenuate his fault. My mother, I have reason to believe, has heard the -story from you in a light less favourable to Mr Faulkland. I was married -before she received any information on this subject from you; and as any -extenuation on Mr Faulkland's side was then become a matter of -indifference to me, I enquired not into particulars; but by what I could -judge from my mother's discourse then, and from hints which she has many -times dropped since, I am inclined to believe, that either Mr Faulkland -concealed some particulars, or that you, from a delicacy very natural to -a young lady in such circumstances, chose to draw a veil over some parts -of your story. But, dear madam, all disguises must now be thrown aside; -depend upon it, your candour will more effectually recommend you to Mr -Faulkland's esteem, than any thing else; and, perhaps, your justifying -him to _me_, may be no immaterial circumstance in your favour. - -Variety of passions discovered themselves on her face while I spoke, but -shame was predominant. She was mute, and hung down her head. I took her -by the hand, Do not think, my dear, I mean to ensnare you; far be such -perfidy from my heart! Have I not promised you my assistance? I declare, -by every thing that is sacred, you shall have it to the utmost stretch -of my power; but do not let a false bashfulness stand between you and -sincerity; you will stop up the way to your own happiness if you do. -Speak, dear madam, has Mr Faulkland been just in his representations? - -She burst into a flood of tears: Oh! madam, you read my very soul; what -disguise can I make use of, before such penetrating eyes as yours? Yes, -Mr Faulkland _has_ spoke the truth, shameful as the confession is for -me, I own it. Mrs Gerrarde, base woman! betrayed me; my own mad passion -did the rest. Mr Faulkland told me, a few days after the fatal meeting, -that he was the most miserable man on earth for what had happened: he -said, there was a lady in the world to whom he was bound to offer his -hand; that her brother was his particular friend; that his marriage was -then actually negotiating; and he was pressed on that occasion to return -to London. He owned he had never seen the lady, but as his honour was -engaged to her brother, he could not look upon himself as a free man. He -cursed his ill fate, that he had not had an opportunity of informing me -of this sooner; which, he said, might have prevented me from casting -away my affection on a man, who could not deserve it. What could I say, -madam? There was no room for reproaches or complaints. I made none; I -had nobody to accuse but myself. I had declared my frantic love to Mr -Faulkland unasked; I had implored his in return: in one dreadful moment -I fell a sacrifice to my own weakness. The only hope that now remained -for me, was built on that circumstance of Mr Faulkland's having never -seen his destined bride. Had I known you, madam, to have been the -person, there could have sprung but small comfort from that -consideration; but ignorant as I was of the lady's merit, I thought it -not impossible but that some objection might have arisen either to her -person or temper; or the lady, perhaps, (though that I thought almost -incredible) might not approve of Mr Faulkland: in either case, some -glimmerings of hope remained for me. Mr Faulkland's generous compassion -for me, gave me room to think he did not hate me, and I was unwilling to -lose the little interest I thought I had gained in his heart, by _fond -complainings_, much less upbraidings, for which he had given me no -cause. I therefore acquiesced, determined to wait for what my fate was -to do with me; resolving privately in my own mind, that in case Mr -Faulkland's intended nuptials should not take place, to remind him of my -love. I did not confess to my aunt what had been the result of that -interview, which she had contrived between Mr Faulkland and me: shame -would not suffer me to indulge it. But it was not long in my power to -conceal it: I believe indeed, she suspected it before. She reproached me -for the error which she herself had caused; but I believe, what most -nettled her was Mr Faulkland's having escaped the snare; for I am sure -she would have been base enough to have had me retain him as a lover, -though I could not secure him for a husband; for he was not the first, -that this bad woman would have seduced me to favour, for her own private -interest. - -In the midst of the horror, into which the condition I found myself -threw me, I heard that Mr Faulkland was on the point of being married. - -<p>The prospect I had before me drove me to despair. I knew I could not -remain long in my uncle's house. I knew not whither to fly. In my -distraction I wrote to Mr Faulkland: You, madam, saw the letter, that -ill-fated letter, which deprived Mr Faulkland of his happiness. - -I soon received an answer, wherein Mr Faulkland related to me at large -the unfortunate consequences that letter had produced. He lamented, in -the tenderest manner, my unhappy situation; told me, he would provide me -a proper place for my retreat; and, as I was an entire stranger in -London, having never been there, would recommend me to the notice of one -of the best of women, lady Bidulph, from whom, as my unhappy story was -known to her, I might expect the utmost humanity. And here, madam, with -blushes let me own it, he urged me not to conceal a single circumstance -of the truth from that lady. - -'You know, said he, my dear Miss Burchell, I am not a seducer; rescue me -from that black suspicion; and, as far as the unhappy case will admit, -clear my honour to lady Bidulph. See what a reliance I have on _your_ -honour, when I trust the vindicating of my own to you, in such delicate -circumstances. He concluded his letter with telling me frankly, that -though he had been rejected by Miss Bidulph, he loved her with such an -ardent passion, that it was impossible for him ever to think of any -other woman; and till he had a heart to bestow, he should never -entertain a thought of marriage.' - -You know Mr Faulkland at this juncture went abroad; and thus was I -circumstanced when I came to that house, which he had provided for me. -And so frank and noble were his proceedings, that I solemnly declare, I -was determined, though at the hazard of divulging my own shame, to have -acquitted him to the utmost of my power to lady Bidulph; and should have -rejoiced, could I have been the means of procuring him the happiness he -deserved, in regaining your favour; as I had been, though unknowingly, -the unlucky cause of his losing it. But fortune had disposed of you -otherwise, before I saw lady Bidulph. This she quickly informed me of, -and I will own to you, madam, that as I found there was now an -insuperable bar to Mr Faulkland's hopes, I was mean enough not to have -the courage to speak truth. I saw it could not avail him, in regard to -his prospects with you. Lady Bidulph's eye awed me; yet I think she led -me into a justification of myself, so great were her prejudices against -Mr Faulkland. Or, perhaps, having already disposed of you in marriage, -in vindication of this step, she did not wish to be undeceived. Yes, -again, in spite of my confusion, I must repeat it, I was not sincere; I -threw out such hints to lady Bidulph, as must have made her think Mr -Faulkland had taken pains to undo me: to this act of disingenuousness, -my sole motive was, that I might appear in a less culpable light in the -eyes of a lady of such strict virtue as your mother. By making her my -friend, I was in hopes one day of making you so too. Devoted, as Mr -Faulkland was, to the most charming woman in the world, I was not afraid -of his making a second choice. I thought, if he _were_ to be induced to -marry, he might, in time, be prevailed upon to turn his thoughts towards -me. In this hope I have dragged on so many tedious years. I was not -mistaken in my opinion, that he could find none worthy to succeed Mrs -Arnold in his heart. He loves you still, madam; but you have declared -you will never be his; he is still free; these are the circumstances -that nourish my hope. My heart is in your hand; I have made you mistress -of my dearest secret. Can you forgive me, madam? But you have an heroic -soul! Remember, Mrs Arnold, to your generosity I now trust what is -dearer to me than life. Should Mr Faulkland know, should lady Bidulph -know, how I have abused their confidence, I think I could not outlive -it. - -They never shall, madam, said I: I thank you for this frank -acknowlegement of your heart; such a proof of your confidence in me, I -should be a wretch to abuse; and I hope to make such a use of the candid -confession you have now made me, as will greatly promote your interest. - -And is it possible, madam, said she, you can yield up the interest you -have in Mr Faulkland without a pang? Oh! the exquisite charmer! and she -said it with such an emphasis, drawing out her breath in long sighs. But -you are heroic, as I said before: Nature did not mold your heart, as she -has done those of the rest of your sex. Who that was beloved by Mr -Faulkland, would yield him to another? Worlds! ten thousand worlds would -I give to be beloved by him as you are! but you are a prodigy of a -woman! I stopped Miss Burchell in her transports. There is less merit, -madam, than you ascribe to me in my conduct: I readily acquiesced under -my mother's rejection of Mr Faulkland, when he _had_ some interest in my -heart; but there is no self-denial in what I am now about to do for you. -My affections have long since changed their object, and now lie buried -with him in his grave. - -My tears here bore witness to the truth of what I said: Miss Burchell -wept too. Her mind was agitated; the confession she had made to me had -humbled her; her heart overflowed with fondness; I had filled her with -pleasing hopes: all these sensations combined together, melting her -into tenderness: she is made up of tears, and sighs, and romantic -wishes. - -I can now, said I, assure Mr Faulkland, that you have done him justice, -and that he is highly obliged to your candour. - -She interrupted me; But, madam, if he should know how _late_ my -acknowlegements came--He need not know it, said I; my mother shall not -know it either; leave every thing to my management, and depend upon my -word. She snatched my hand eagerly, and kissed it. - -But oh! madam, above all things, said she, let not Sir George Bidulph -know any thing of your intended goodness, in mediating for me. He hates -me, implacably he hates me. I upbraid him not for it: his strong -attachment to Mr Faulkland is the cause of it: he accuses me in his -heart of being the occasion (which I own I was, though ignorantly) of Mr -Faulkland's disappointment. I am sure, were he to know what you design -in my favour, he would counterwork you, and use all his influence over -his friend to ruin me. - -I made her easy on this head, by assuring her Sir George should know -nothing of the matter; and put her in mind how lucky it was for her that -he was absent. - -I cannot help thinking, my Cecilia, that there is a sort of fatality has -attended Mr Faulkland's attachment to me. By what a strange accident did -we come to the knowledge of Miss Burchell's affair! How strong were my -mother's prepossessions against Mr Faulkland; and how many little -circumstances concurred her to encourage in this disposition! His letter -from Bath to my brother helped to confirm her in her dislike of his -conduct; Miss Burchell's letter to Mr Faulkland, though meant very -differently, was a strong motive of condemnation. The only means of -justification left for him, my mother did not apply to, till it was too -late; and then that very circumstances of it's _being_ too late to serve -him, Miss Burchell acknowleges, was the reason that the very method -which he had proposed for his defence, was turned to his condemnation. - -Rooted, as my mother's prejudices were, she engages herself, she engages -me, in a promise, to use my endeavours to promote Miss Burchell's -marriage with Mr Faulkland. Does this not look as if some unseen power, -who guides our actions, had set a stamp of disapprobation on the union -between this man and me. - -I wish I had seen that letter which Mr Faulkland wrote to my brother -from Bath: my mother said, she did not read it through. He treated the -subject lightly, and there was one circumstance in particular in it -that shocked her; and yet surely, if the _whole_ might not have borne a -favourable construction, Sir George would not have shewn her that -account, by way of justifying his friend. This reflection comes too -late! Why did it not occur sooner to my mother or to me? We drew no -other inference from Sir George's disclosing this letter, than that as -Mr Faulkland treated the affair ludicrously, it was therefore expected, -both by him and my brother, that we should consider it so too. That -could not have been the case. Miss Burchell's confession has opened my -eyes.--Poor Mr Faulkland! What wayward fate is thine! But let me beware -of relenting; that might be fatal. There is still one indelible blot -remains upon his conduct. Miss Burchell, blameable as she acknowleges -herself, was still betrayed; and though not by Mr Faulkland, yet sure -his having paid the price of her innocence to the wicked aunt, renders -him so far guilty, as that he owes her a great reparation. This was a -particular I durst not touch upon; the unhappy girl herself being -ignorant of it. There is a wide gulph fixed between Mr Faulkland and me. -How many things are leagued against him! Alas! he thinks the principal -bar to his hopes is removed, and that if Miss Burchell has been just, he -ought to be forgiven. But he little knows thy Sidney's heart; critically -delicate as my situation is, in regard him, I am removed a thousand -times farther than ever from his wishes. Neither knows he the -engagements I am under to Miss Burchell; which alone would put an -ever-lasting bar between us. Unhappy Miss Burchell! She has bound me to -her by stronger ties than ever. She has been ingenuous; she has owned -her weakness to me; she declares she would have done this sooner, if it -could have promoted my happiness: perhaps she would; shall I not then -endeavour to promote her's? I will, I must; my word is given. Yet -Faulkland deserves--oh! he deserves a worthier lot. - - - - - VOLUME III - - - _June 22_ - -I now send you, my Cecilia, my second Letter to Mr Faulkland. - - 'Why do you compel me, Sir, noble and disinterested as your - conduct has been towards me, to accuse you now of unkindness? You - call me insensible--oh! it is from my too great sensibility that - all my sorrows have sprung. Destitute as I am of happiness myself, - or even of a possibility of ever attaining it here, I look for no - other comfort in this life, but what must arise from seeing those - whom I most esteem in possession of that tranquillity of mind, - which I can never hope to enjoy. If Mr Faulkland were happy, if - Miss Burchell were happy, I should be less miserable. Remember, - Sir, it was not this lady's fault that you were disappointed in - your former hope. She did not try, by female wiles, to engage a - heart which you refused her. She used no ungenerous arts to cross - your wishes. Loving you as she did, almost to distraction, she - yielded you up in silent anguish to a rival; a rival superior to - herself in nothing. I acknowlege, Sir, I was to have been yours, - and with my own consent; but was it not also with my own consent - those bonds were cancelled, by which we were to have been united? - I was then convinced Miss Burchell had a prior claim; I think so - still, and ever shall. Miss Burchell's family is not mean, her - fortune is considerable; her beauty and personal accomplishments - inferior to none; and, but for Mr Faulkland, she had been - innocent. Yet do not imagine I would aggravate your fault; Miss - Burchell's candor could not suffer this. How charmingly ingenuous - was her confession! In the midst of tears and blushes, she owned - her weakness; you, she said, were not to blame. She praised your - generosity, your compassion, the integrity and frankness of your - whole behaviour towards her; and could Miss Burchell's suffrage - have ensured to you the completion of your wishes, Mr Faulkland - would have been indebted to her for what he once thought his - happiness. But though her testimony could not avail you in that - particular, yet are your obligations to her the same. Does not - then Miss Burchell love Mr Faulkland with a generosity equal to - his own? Do years of fervent and unalterable affection deserve no - return? Does the child, the dear innocent that calls you father, - deserve no consideration? He bears your name, Sir; let him not - blush to own it: he may one day be an honour and a comfort to you. - Put it in his power to make it his boast, instead of his shame, - that Mr Faulkland was his father. The amiable lady, whose very - life is bound up in you, has, in the midst of her affliction, one - great source of comfort; her character has escaped the malignity - of cruel tongues, by the privacy with which she conducted her - measures, till after the birth of your son. The retirement she has - since lived in; her prudent, her modest, her exemplary conduct - have created esteem in every body that knows her; this - circumstance, as it is a peculiar felicity to herself, so ought it - to be a motive of encouragement to you, Sir, to compleat her - happiness. The false judging part of the world will have nothing - to point at; Miss Burchell's relation, or even connection, with - Mrs Gerrarde is hardly known here; she has had no correspondence - with that irregular woman since she became a widow; and her - character had not suffered before, in such a manner, as to reflect - dishonour on the young lady, who was then under her care. How then - can you persist in a cruel rejection of this lady? You own she is - amiable; I am sure she has a thousand good qualities. Is her love - for you, her unparalleled love, to be imputed to her as a crime? - If it be one, long and bitter has been her punishment! On you it - rests to recompence her sufferings. What may you not expect from a - grateful heart that worships you? Such a fervent, such a faithful - love (deserving as you are) you perhaps may never again meet with - in woman. With her you may be happy, she will make it the study of - her life to render you so. Your own heart, conscious of having - acted nobly, will confirm your happiness. Would to God I could - inspire you with such sentiments as would induce you to make the - generous experiment! How would your character rise in the esteem - of the two persons whom you profess to revere! How would you be - adored by the amiable sufferer! but above all, how delightful must - be the exultations of the self-approving mind! There wants but - this act to render you the most deserving of men. I would fain - esteem, respect, admire you as I ought; but you will not let me; - you will be a _common_ man, and undistinguished amongst the light - ones of your sex.' - -I shewed this letter to Miss Burchell; she read it with grateful tears -running down her cheeks. In about an hour I received the following -answer to it. - - 'Miss Burchell may triumph, Madam, since she has obtained _you_ - for her advocate. Well have you acquitted yourself of the task - your rigid heart has undertaken. I thank the lady for the justice - her charming ingenuousness (as you rightly call it) has done me. - But what have I gained by this? Have I not raised the fair - complainant still higher in your esteem, given her a stronger - claim to your pity, and furnished you with arms against myself? - Wretch that I am, I do, I must acknowlege the force of every thing - that you have urged. Miss Burchell is amiable, her sincerity, her - constancy, and (by me) unmerited love, deserve to be greatly - recompensed. I would to heaven I had a heart to give her! but I - have not; _you_ know I have not; _she_ knows it too. Could I have - made Miss Burchell the return she deserves, I would not thus long - have shunned her presence. I acknowleged the state of my heart to - her even at the time I had lost all hopes of possessing you. And - in the spite of my own struggles, after years of confirmed - despair, I found myself still enslaved. How then could I offer a - hand, devoted as my whole soul was to another object, to a lady, - whose constant, tender, and delicate affection, demanded all the - return that a sensible and grateful heart could make? This, Madam, - is all the plea I can urge in answer to those arguments you offer - to promote your favourite wish. Consult your own delicacy, let - Miss Burchell consult hers, and then perhaps I shall stand - acquitted of ingratitude. - - 'I hoped, Madam, that cleared as I have been of _one_ imputation, - I might have recovered some favour in yours and Lady Bidulph's - thoughts. I was flattered with this consolation, small as it was, - when every other hope forsook me. But when an unexpected event - again brought happiness within my prospect, this reflection, I own - became of more importance, and served to strengthen my then - revived hopes. But you dash them with an unrelenting hand; and - again build up those barriers between us, that heaven itself had - overthrown. What can I say to you, inflexible as you are? has Miss - Burchell _all_ your pity? You may command my life, Madam; I would - lay it down freely for you; but I cannot, must not, will not give - up my love; and till you declare in express terms that I _must_ be - miserable, I will not even give up my hope. - - ORLANDO FAULKLAND.' - -See, my Cecilia, the heart I have to deal with. Hard to be subdued, -and obstinate in all its purposes. I expected difficulties; but was in -hopes he would be less determined in regard to his perseverance -towards me. I think however I have gained some ground; he -acknowleges Miss Burchell's merit, and seems obliged to her for the -part she has acted towards him. I have been under some difficulties on -this occasion; for as Miss Burchell was not so candid in her -acknowlegements to my mother as she has been to me, I cannot let -her know the whole of her confession; for this reason, I only told her -the general purport of what I wrote last to Mr Faulkland; and in -reading his answer to her, I passed over such passages as I thought -might induce her to require an explanation. I own I am a little hurt at -Miss Burchell's former perverting of facts on this occasion; but, as I -have already said more than once, there are great allowances to be -made for one in her very critical situation. Neither have I the least -right to reproach her for it even in my thoughts; for had she been -ever so explicit at my mother's first interview with her, it could not -have availed me. - -You find, my dear, it is necessary I should speak plainly to Mr -Faulkland. I shall write to him again, and here you shall have a copy -of what I say; but I must lead this violent spirit with gentleness, and -endeavour to convince his reason, without wounding his tenderness. - - - Mrs Arnold's third letter to Mr Faulkland - - 'You give me pleasure, Sir; I begin to descry hopes for your and - my amiable friend. I know such a heart as Mr Faulkland's cannot - be proof against sentiments of gratitude and compassion; it will - not be difficult to convert those sentiments into love, when the - object is so deserving. Try, Sir, try; the experiment cannot fail. - How much to your honour will so noble a triumph be over an - ill-fated passion! What delightful returns may you not expect from - the obliged, the grateful partner of your happiness! Do not call - me inflexible, or rigid; filled as I am with gratitude, and a - sense of your merit, I should hate myself, if I did not acknowlege - that you deserve more from me than it can ever be in my power to - repay. I must be plain with you, since you require it; it is - impossible I ever can be yours. Sorry I am, that the necessity of - circumstances compels me to make so early a declaration, from - which I thought my present situation would have exempted me; but I - forgive you, Sir, for urging me on this head, and draw a happy - presage from your resting your hopes in relation to me, on my own - determination. You appeal to my delicacy, whether you ought, with - a heart estranged, to offer your hand to Miss Burchell? Were - delicacy alone to be consulted, the answer perhaps might be easy; - but there are superior considerations in your case to be taken in. - Love, without doubt, demands love in return; but where injured - honour is to be repaired, where the disgrace of a darling child is - to be prevented, those nicer sentiments of the soul must and ought - to give way: and I will venture to pronounce, that Miss Burchell - would, with raptures, receive the hand which would confer such - valuable blessings on her; leaving it to time, and her own - unremiting tenderness and assiduity, to get an interest in the - heart, which, by such an act, proved its own rectitude. On this - subject, I, from experience, am qualified to speak. You know, sir, - the interest you once had in me; you cannot think me so light a - creature, as to suppose I so soon after my breaking with you, - bestowed my affections on another. I did not; obedience to my - mother's commands was the sole motive which engaged my vows to Mr - Arnold; and I married him with no other sentiments, those of - esteem and gratitude for the great love he bore me. Yet from these - seeds sown in my heart, sprung a tender and ardent affection: - never did wife love a husband better than I did Mr Arnold; his - kindness merited, and _did_ win my whole affections; nor could a - temporary alienation of _his_ heart, disposses him of the place he - held in _mine_. His returning love (for which, with all - thankfulness, I own myself bound to you, Sir) made him still - dearer to me than ever, and I now profess myself wedded to his - memory. You have a right, Sir, to expect that I should explain - myself at once to you on this subject; for your own sake, and for - Miss Burchell's I must not suffer you to entertain a doubt of my - resolution. You compel me to repeat, that I think Miss Burchell - deserves your love, and has a just right to your hand. She throws - herself upon your honour, without pretending to have any _lawful_ - claim; if she _had_, I should not condescend to solicit the man - who could refuse to do her justice. - - 'My mother is firm in her first resolves; could you place a crown - on my head, her integrity would still oblige her to reject it; nor - would a crown tempt me to forfeit the duty which I owe to her. - - 'See then, Sir, if that _unexpected event_, which you mention (a - fatal event to me!) has brought you nearer to your wishes; and - here let me add, in justice to my own particular sentiments, that - I think Mr Faulkland is the last man who ought to be my choice, - even if my heart were disposed to make one. Reproach me not with - ingratitude, or caprice, till I have explained myself. It is not - long, Sir (blameless and unconscious as you were of the injury, - and nobly as you repaired it) since you were the cause of a - separation between me and my husband. I know you will say that our - mutual innocence on this occasion, and the secret's being known - but to a few of our friends, makes that objection of little - weight. I grant you, with many it might be so; all minds are not - equally susceptible; 'tis my unhappiness to have a too resenting - heart. My own honour (scrupulous you might call it) would not - suffer me to let the man succeed Mr Arnold in my love, who was the - occasion of so much uneasiness to him, and the cause of my being - suspected in my fidelity. Would it not be an insult on his memory? - Oh, Sir, what is the world's opinion to the approbation of our own - hearts! Mine has never yet reproached me, and this has been my - support in all my trials. Thus much I say for the reverence I bear - my dear Mr Arnold's memory; but I have other reasons to offer in - my excuse; refinements you will call them, but my heart feels - their force. I am not the same woman you once loved; afflictions - have impaired my health, and those little advantages of person - which nature bestowed on me, have not been improved by time; my - spirits, broken by misfortunes, have left me languid and - insensible to joy. Peace is the utmost of my wish, and all that I - am now capable of relishing. The bride, whom Mr Faulkland once - sought, was in the bloom of youth, admired and caressed, by a - flattering world; unblemished in her character, her fortune equal - to her wishes, her heart, her virgin heart, was then a present - (with pride let me say it) worthy of any man's acceptance. It was - then in her power to bestow happiness, and Mr Faulkland would not - have been matched unequally. But the scene is changed; what should - I now bring to your arms? A person faded by grief; a reputation - (though undeservedly) once called in question; a little helpless - family without fortune; a widowed heart, dead to love and - incapable of pleasure. Oh, Sir! could I bear to be your wife on - such conditions? Indebted to you as I am, past a possibility of my - ever making you a return, to what a mighty sum would you raise the - obligation? How poor would you make me in my own eyes? Humbled as - I am by adversity, my soul has still too much pride, or let me - call it delicacy, to submit to this. No, if there was no Miss - Burchell in the world, no parental sway to guide me, in my present - circumstances, I never would be yours. - - 'You have now before you my final determination. I shall trouble - you no more on the subject. If your heart relents towards Miss - Burchell, great will be your reward. In her you are sure of a - tender, faithful, and charming friend; who will more than repay - every act of kindness towards her; and he who is the author of - justice and mercy will not fail to bless you. - - 'I am, &c'. - -Methinks, my dear friend, I have now eased my heart of a load that -oppressed it. What can I say more? Mr Faulkland now knows my determined -purpose in regard to myself; and if he is not quite insensible, I think -Miss Burchell must at last obtain the wish of her soul. Oh, my Cecilia, -I would not have my heart devoured by such a flame as her's, for the -whole world. But have I not acted as I should do? I hope I have; I feel -satisfied with my own conduct, and I never yet found that to be the case -when I acted wrong. There are some nice points, in which our own hearts -are the best, as well as the most impartial judges. If Mr Faulkland -persists in rejecting poor Miss Burchell, I can urge him no farther; but -I am determined not to see him. - - - _June 25_ - -How uneasy has been my suspense these three days! I question if -Miss Burchell's is much greater. No answer from this strange man; -perhaps he is flown off again.--No, I wrong him, a letter is this -minute brought up to me from him--Read it, my beloved, and -congratulate me. - - 'You were born to conquer. Madam; what is there that you cannot - effect? My heart was made for you, and you can mould it as you - please. Enjoy your triumph, if it be one. I will receive Miss - Burchell as _your_ gift, and since I cannot obtain your love, I - will at least compel your esteem. Why should _your_ generosity, - _your_ compassion for an unhappy lady, to whom you have no - obligation, exceed that of a man who owns himself bound to her in - gratitude? I wish I could repay her the debt of love I owe her, - but I will try to repair my fault hereafter; and in her gentle - bosom perhaps I may recover that peace, to which I have been so - long a stranger. She will forgive the waywardness of a heart, - which never disguised its anguish to her; and which she knows has - been torn by a cruel passion, that, like a cruel disease, was not - either to be resisted or subdued. But thanks to you, Madam, I - think I begin to feel my cure approaching. Miss Burchell's - tenderness will finish what you have begun. You shall never - reproach me more; if I _ever_ had an interest in your heart, I - will not forfeit it now, but make that proud heart acknowledge, - spite of itself, that Faulkland was not unworthy of it.' - -Ha! my Cecilia, what do you say to my Orlando now? _My_ Orlando let me -this once call him. Has he not a noble mind? Happy! happy Miss Burchell! -you are at length arrived to the summit of your wishes. Long may you -enjoy them, and may you make your love as blest as he deserves to be! My -mother clasped her hands together in joy, when I read this letter to -her. God bless him, God bless him, said she; he is now indeed a -righteous man. How rejoiced I am, my dear, that I have been the means of -bringing about his so-much-wished-for event. And yet, methinks, if I -were in Miss Burchell's place, though my heart doated on the man to -death, I could not receive him on such terms. He accepts her as _my_ -gift; it is to raise himself in my esteem, he does her justice: Nay, I -think the assuming man seems to insinuate a sort of superiority over -me, by this concession. Why let it be so, I shall be content in my -humiliation, if _my_ gift will restore him to his peace. If it does, -which I pray heaven it may, ought he not to think himself indebted to -me? - -I think I should not let Miss Burchell see this last letter; he does not -consent with a good grace; and it may damp her joy. Though, upon second -thoughts, I question whether she has delicacy enough to be much affected -by this circumstance. - - * * * * * - -I am saved the trouble of observing any decorum towards Miss Burchell. -She has been just here wild with transport; and was several minutes in -the room before I could get her to speak coherently. She had received a -letter from Mr Faulkland, written by his own angelic hand, she said. She -made no difficulty of leaving it with me, and here it is. - - - Mr Faulkland's letter to Miss Burchell. - - 'Is it possible, Madam, that I can still be dear to you, careless - and remiss as I have been towards you, since you first honoured me - with your affection? If you can forgive this, I am ready to offer - you my hand; and hope, by devoting my future days to you, to make - you amends for those years, during which (deserving as you are) I - have withheld that heart which was your due. - - 'I never had any merit towards you but my sincerity; and I will - not now give up that virtue to arrogate to myself another to which - I have no title. I own to you, Madam, that it is to Mrs Arnold's - superior prudence, and nice honour, I am beholden for being - brought to a just sense of your worth, and my own obligations to - you. If you will give me leave to attend you this afternoon, you - will receive a man filled with sentiments of gratitude and esteem - for you, and who is determined by his future conduct, to deserve a - continuance of your love. - - 'I am, &c.' - -I congratulated Miss Burchell (after reading this letter) on her -approaching felicity. She had not words to express her acknowlegements -to me. The service I had rendered her was indeed to her a most important -one; and there are some occasions where _words_ are of no use; Miss -Burchell can be eloquent without them. She embraced me a thousand times, -and wept in tender transport on my neck. - -My mother is as much delighted at this happy event, as if it immediately -concerned her own welfare. She recommended it to Miss Burchell, to have -her little boy with her when Mr Faulkland came to visit her. It seems he -has not seen the child since his last return to England: he did not care -to go to the house where it was boarded, for fear of drawing any -observation on himself to Miss Burchell's prejudice; and the people -never permitted the child to be taken abroad by any one but Miss -Burchell (who passes for its aunt) or Mr Faulkland's house-keeper; but -this good woman, happening to be sick when he came to town, Mr Faulkland -had not an opportunity of sending for it. - -Miss Burchell greatly approved of the motion, and flew from us to -prepare for this so much desired interview. - -And now, Cecilia, do you not think Mr Faulkland has proved himself a -disinterested (lover shall I say) of your Sidney? Indeed he has given a -noble testimony of his esteem and deference for me, as well as he -formerly did of his affection. If Miss Burchell does not render herself -worthy of him, how shall I hate myself for having brought about this -union! But she loves him too ardently, and is herself too lovely, not to -get possession of his heart, when it becomes his duty, as well as his -interest, to give it up to her. All acquaintance between her and me, -must now cease: for her sake, as well as Mr Faulkland's, this will be -necessary; my presence may disturb, but can never contribute to the -tranquillity of either of them. - - - _June 26_ - -Miss Burchell was in too much haste to communicate her joy to us, to -defer giving an account of what passed between her and Mr Faulkland -yesterday evening. She hurried to us last night, at almost ten o'clock. - -He came to her house, she said, at six, the hour she had appointed him; -and looked _so_ enchantingly. She herself was dressed out very elegantly -to receive him, and I thought looked really charming; her countenance -was so lighted up with joy, that she did not appear the same woman. - -She had endeavoured, she said, to compose herself for this interview, -and had tried to assume something of dignity; but it all vanished when -her conqueror approached, and the tumult of her heart so intirely -banished all recollection, and presence of mind, that she was not able -to tell me in what manner she received him. She only knows, she says, -that having snatched up her little boy, who stood by her and hung on her -gown, she put him into his father's arms, and bidding the babe thank him -for his goodness, she burst into tears. Mr Faulkland tenderly embraced -the child, not without a visible emotion of countenance; and having -gently set him down again, he placed himself by Miss Burchell's side: -She was still sobbing. Those generous tears, Madam, said he, taking her -by the hand, reproach me too much: I have not deserved this tenderness; -I cannot look upon you, nor that dear boy, without blushing, but you -have forgiven me: it shall be the study of my life to make you both -happy. Oh! Madam, continued Miss Burchell, what an exquisite joy must -such a declaration give me from the beloved of my soul. I wrung his -hand; Oh, Sir, you are too good: What return can I make you? One thing -only say to me, that you do not offer me a _very_ reluctant hand, and I -shall then be the happiest of women. - -Mr Faulkland paused a little while, and then, with a noble frankness, -replied: 'You know, my dear Miss Burchell, with what an excess of -passion I have ever loved Mrs Arnold: Had no such woman existed, _you_ -would have been my choice, preferably to any other: but when I first -knew you, I looked upon myself as bound to her, though, at that time, I -had never seen her: my knowledge of her afterwards confirmed me her's. I -made no secret of this to you, and you may remember what my declarations -to you were, even at the time my hopes were frustrated. I have loved her -fervently ever since; even in the arms of a husband I adored her; and I -will be candid enough to own to you, that, as my attachment to her has, -during all that time, estranged me from you, so should I still, had I -the least hopes of succeeding, have persisted in my suit. But she has -cut off all hope; she has declared she can never be mine, and at the -same time has represented my obligations to you in so strong a light, -that I am convinced I ought to be your's. And let me own, Madam (you who -are generous, and know what it is to love, will pardon a declaration -which I durst not make to any other woman) to you I will confess that -Mrs Arnold is arbitress of my fate; and in approving myself to her, I do -so to my own conscience. I do not therefore, though my actions have been -guided by her, yield with reluctance to her will; her virtue, her -religion, and enlarged mind, have only dictated to me, what my own -reason tells me I ought to do. I have been a slave to a hopeless passion -too long; I am now resolved to struggle with my chains: you, Madam, must -assist me in breaking them entirely; and I make no doubt but that time, -joined to my own efforts, and aided by your sweetness of disposition, -your tenderness, and admirable sense, will enable me to conquer what I -must now call a weakness, and make the triumph equally happy for us -both. But remember, Madam, I never see Mrs Arnold more. 'Tis for your -peace sake as well as my own, that I make this a preliminary to our -marriage. I will, when you shall vouchsafe me the honour of your hand, -receive it, if you please, from Lady Bidulph; and as I presume it will -be agreeable to you to have the ceremony intirely private, that I may, -for our dear little boy's sake, present you rather as my acknowleged -wife, than as my new made bride, I will, with the utmost speed and -secrecy, have such dispositions made, as shall be suitable to my -condition, and your own merit. - -'I should like, after we are united, if you have no objection to it, to -pay a visit for a while to an estate I have in Ireland; which I have -never yet seen, and which I intended to have looked at, if this event, -this happy event (and he kissed my hand) had not taken place.' - -Penetrated as I was, pursued Miss Burchell, with a sense of the -generosity and openness of his heart, I could not forbear raising his -hand to my lips; he tenderly withdrew it from me, as if abashed at my -condescension. He then turned the discourse to less interesting -subjects, and after three delightful hours spent with me, took his -leave; not without having first fixed on Wednesday, next Wednesday, to -be the blessed day that is to make him mine for ever. - -Happy, happy may you be, said I! you _must_ be happy; but let me see you -once again before you are Mrs Faulkland: there are not many hours to -come before that name will be yours. My dear Madam! said she, and patted -my bosom with her hand, I hope all is well _here_; she looked earnestly -in my face, and then added, but you have a noble heart. 'Tis an honest -one I hope, said I, a little disconcerted at her manner. Why did she -address me thus, my dear? I hope I did not discover any thing in my -behaviour as if I repined her good fortune; if I did, far be such a -wretched meanness from the heart of thy friend. Was it not my own act to -make Miss Burchell the happy woman she now thinks herself? Yet I own -there is something in Mr Faulkland's conduct which has raised my esteem -to admiration. Oh may his future days be blessed, else shall I indeed be -wretched! - -My mother told Miss Burchell, it would give her inexpressive -satisfaction to bestow her in marriage on Mr Faulkland; and desired she -would let her know to-morrow at what time and place the ceremony as to -be performed. She answered, at her own house, as she could be no where -else so private; and that Mr Faulkland would engage for the purpose a -clergyman, a particular friend of his, and fellow-collegian, on whose -discretion he could rely. - -Miss Burchell's spirits were too much exhilarated to let her think of -rest; she staid with us till it was very late, and having taken occasion -to mention how grieved she was at the thoughts of losing my society, and -of the necessity Mr Faulkland expressed himself under of never seeing me -more, my mother took that opportunity of gravely entering into the -subject of matrimonial duties. She highly applauded Mr Faulkland's -resolution on that head, and told Miss Burchell, it ought exceedingly to -enhance his merit towards her. Let this be a memorandum to you, my dear -Madam, said she, how sacred the bond is to be held that is now going to -unite you: He will not, you see, run the hazard of being tempted, even -in thought, to swerve from that faith which he is going to plight to -you; your situation is delicate, and it will require the utmost prudence -and circumspection on your part, to secure such an interest in his heart -as he now seems inclined to give you. It is not on your personal charms -that you are to rely, for subduing, or preserving the affections of such -a man as he is. They alone, you see, were not able to effect this: it is -to Mr Faulkland's honour rather than his love, that you are now obliged -for the justice he has done you: never let this be out of your thoughts; -be grateful, but let your gratitude have dignity in it; and by your -behaviour convince your husband that honour was with you a first motive -to wish this union, love will then come in with a better grace as a -secondary inducement. - -The freedom of my mother's observations, and instructions, I was not -surprized at, because she always speaks her mind; but the emphasis with -which she delivered herself was unusual. Miss Burchell expressed herself -as obliged to her, and joined intirely in her opinion; I could perceive, -however, she was not pleased with the lecture. - -When Miss Burchell was gone, my mother told me, she thought it necessary -to speak as she had done. Miss Burchell, said she, is not _quite_ the -girl I took her for; so much modesty and reserve, I thought I had never -met with in a young creature before; when she used to speak of Mr -Faulkland, it was with affection indeed, but with such a nice decorum as -convinced me of the innocence and purity of her heart. But of late I -have observed she has been less delicate in her expressions of -tenderness; such passionate flights have sometimes broke from her, as I -did not think becoming in a young woman, and which indeed almost -offended me; and this night her joy has been ungoverned. Great reason -she has for joy 'tis true; but there are some considerations which ought -to have made her chasten that joy into a sober, and, at least seemingly, -moderate satisfaction. She loves Mr Faulkland, but let her beware of -disgusting a man of his sense by too strong an expression of her -fondness. - -My mother's observation, and her uncommonly forcible manner of -expressing it, struck me prodigiously. It is true I had made the same -remarks myself, but as you know she is not extremely penetrating, and in -general, but a superficial observer, I was the more surprized at what -she said. Miss Burchell's behaviour must have been formerly very -different from what it now is, to have made my mother so sensible of the -change. _Some considerations_, she said, ought to have made her chasten -her joy. Perhaps, she meant no more than that the young lady, even in -the midst of that joy, had, upon reflection, cause for humiliation. I -hope, she did not think that her gaiety on this desired event affected -me, who had so warmly promoted it. My mother is too open not to give the -full meaning of her thoughts. This may be only the suggestion of my own -fancy, yet it has mortified me. I had but little rest last night, and -rose this morning by day-light, to throw together in writing the above -particulars. - - - _June 27_ - -Miss Burchell came not to us till late this evening; pleasure danced in -her eyes. I whispered to her, We rejoice with you, dear Madam, -sincerely rejoice, at your approaching felicity; but our present state -will not suffer us to keep pace with you in that gaiety, however -justifiable it may be from the cause: restrain yourself a little; my -mother will not think you kind, as we are so soon to part with you. -She smiled, and thanking me for the hint, immediately composed her -features to such a decorum (I will not call it demureness) that it was -impossible to discover she was agitated by any extraordinary emotion. -I own, I was amazed at the command she so suddenly assumed over -her countenance. I was glad, however, she did so, that my mother -might not have fresh cause of dislike towards her. - -She told us that Mr Faulkland had settled a thousand pounds a -year on her, and that too without ever having informed himself of the -state of her fortune: for, in the hurry of her thoughts, she had -neglected to mention it to him: (Generous man! whispered I to -myself.) She then, with great gravity, applied herself to my mother, -and told her, she hoped for the honour of her presence, the next -morning, at her own house; where the ceremony was to be -performed, before no other witnesses but her ladyship, and the -gentlewoman, who had been Mr Faulkland's housekeeper; and that -the following day they purposed retiring to Mr Faulkland's seat in -Hertfordshire, and, after a short stay there, to set out for Ireland. - -My mother commended Mr Faulkland's diligence, for having so -suddenly disposed every thing for this important event, and told our -friend she would not fail to attend her at the appointed time. - -Miss Burchell's behaviour was extremely composed; she either -really was, or affected to be, extremely sorry at parting with me; she -could not stay long with us, she said, as she had many things to settle -in the remaining part of that evening. On taking leave of me, I shall -not see you again, worthiest of women, said she, at least, for many -months; but my love, my respect, and my gratitude towards you will -be as lasting as my life. You shall hear often from me, and be so good -as sometimes to tell me I am not forgotten. She embraced me with -tears in her eyes, but I thought she tripped down stairs to her chair, as -if her heart was very light. - -My mother liked her deportment; she said, she believed the -flightiness of her behaviour before, was owing to her being quite -intoxicated with the suddenness of her joy, on so unexpected a turn -of fortune; but that since she had time for recollection, she had -recovered her wonted bashful and sober air, with which she used to -be so delighted. My mother says, she will contrive to carry a rich -white brocade gown with her, in order to slip it on at Miss Burchell's -house; for she would not, on any consideration, appear in mourning -on this joyful occasion. You know the reverence she has for omens. - - - _June 28_ - -The important event is over, my Cecilia. Miss Burchell is now Mrs -Faulkland. My mother is just returned, and saw the nuptial knot tied. -The lady, she said, looked very lovely; and it was easy to observe she -gave her hand with all her heart. Mr Faulkland's behaviour was polite -and unconstrained; but his attention to his bride was more gallant than -tender; and his whole deportment was that of a man who seemed to -endeavour at acquitting himself with a good grace of an act of duty, -rather than of inclination. The latter part of the observation is mine, -not my mother's; but I collected it from certain little particulars, -which she related to me in her own way, without drawing any inference -from them. - -He thanked her in a most respectful manner for the honour she had done -him, and for her former friendship to Miss Burchell; but did not once -mention my name. So much the better; I hope he will forget me. - -My mother is mighty alert on the occasion, and felicitates both herself -and me on our having brought about this very important affair. She -joined heartily with me in praying that the new-married pair may be -happy in each other. She is quite reconciled to Mr Faulkland. What a -pity it was, said she--and stopped; then added, But every thing is for -the best. I understood her, but made no reply. - -They go out of town to-morrow morning; all happiness attend them! - -I expect Sir George will be quite outrageous about this marriage. -My second refusal of his friend, with the addition of his now being -wedded, through my persuasion, to a woman my brother never could -endure, will, I fear, exasperate him beyond a possibility of -reconciliation. I cannot help it; I have acted agreeably to the dictates -of my duty; that must be my consolation: life is in itself a warfare, _my_ -life has been particularly so. - - - _July 8_ - -My mother is far from being well; her spirits have been a little -heightened for these few days past, but her disorder I see gains ground: -the swelling in her legs is returning, and her rest at night quite -broken. I am hourly habituating myself to think of her dissolution; or, -in other words, am preparing myself for the worst evil that can now -befal me. I hope I shall find myself equal to the trial. - - - _July 10_ - -Here is a storm for you my dear; a letter from Sir George. I wanted such -a thing to rouse me from the almost lethargic dulness that was creeping -on me. Mr Faulkland has acquainted him with his marriage. Pray observe -his brotherly address. - - Mrs ARNOLD, _June 6, 1706._ - - 'For I disclaim all relation to you. I have just now had a letter - from Faulkland, wherein I am at once informed of your having - finally rejected him, and of his being married to Miss Burchell. - As for the first, your own folly be on your head. You will have - time enough for repentance, and I need wish you no other - punishment than what _will_, and for me _shall_, be the - consequences of your obstinate adherence to your own romantic wild - opinions. But what in the name of blind infatuation could provoke - you to urge the man, to whom you owed such obligations, to his - destruction? _You_ I know have done it; he could not be so mad but - under _your_ influence. You and my mother I suppose fancy you have - done a righteous deed; but you have done what I am afraid poor - Faulkland will have reason to--I will suppress the shocking word, - that my indignation suggested. - - 'Why was I not made acquainted with this precious design of - marrying my friend to that insinuating little viper? I might - perhaps have prevented the mischief; for I cannot think if she had - not imposed upon you, that you would have pushed your chimerical - notions of honour to such extremities. - - 'Perhaps you meant well; but it has ever been your peculiar - misfortune I think to have your good intentions productive of - nothing but evil; this last action I fear will be a severe proof - of the truth of this observation. I warned you in time against - this woman, but my advice has always been despised. - - 'I will say no more on the hateful subject; what is done is - irrevocable: but I believe you will hardly be able to answer it to - yourself, if you find that you have condemned one of the noblest - fellows in the world to the arms of a prostitute.' - -Lord bless me! my Cecilia, was there ever such a barbarian? with what an -implacable aversion does he pursue this poor girl! But what does he mean -by the odious epithet with which he closes his horrid letter? Sure Miss -Burchell merits not that name. Her weakness in regard to Mr Faulkland -cannot bring on her so detestable a charge. If George knows any thing -more of her character than I do, why did he not tell me so before? It -cannot be; his aversion to her makes him cruel and unjust. He says true; -I should not indeed forgive myself if I were the means of making Mr -Faulkland unhappy; and his observation would be dreadfully verified, -that all my good intentions produce nothing but evil, if this marriage -should prove to be unfortunate. - - - _July 20_ - -I have had a letter from Mrs Faulkland. She and her husband are arrived -safely at his estate on the borders of the north of Ireland, within less -than thirty miles of the capital. It is a pleasant part of the country -she says, but as Mr Faulkland has no house there, they have taken up -their lodgings for the present at the house of his steward. Her letter -is filled with declarations of the felicity she enjoys; she says, she -would not change her lot to be the greatest Queen on earth.--May she -continue to deserve her happy fortune, and to render her husband as -satisfied with _his_ lot as she is with _hers_! then shall I triumph -over Sir George for his vile insinuations. - -I have heard from my good lady V----, in answer to the letter I wrote -her, giving an account of Mr Faulkland's marriage. As he had not made -her acquainted with his return to England, I knew not whether he had -informed her of this particular; and I find he had not. As lady V---- -was a stranger to his former connection with Miss Burchell (with whom I -have already told you she was acquainted, and that she entertained a -very favourable opinion of her) she expressed no displeasure at the -alliance; but said, she supposed he married, in a tifft, upon my refusal -of him; for which I gave her such reasons as I had before given Mr -Faulkland, excepting those which related to Miss Burchell; which, for -both their sakes, must now be no more mentioned. Lady V---- says, she -_will not condemn the delicacy of my sentiments, though she owns her -wish was, that it could have been got over, as she is sure that Mr -Faulkland can never be happy with any one but me_. - - -[Here follows an interval of near two months, in which nothing -material occurred.] - - - _September 13_ - -The time approaches, my Cecilia, when thy friend shall be poor and -destitute. I know thy generous heart will more than sympathize with -me in my calamity, from the aggravating reflexion that it is not in your -power to assist me. The account you have given me of your -husband's close disposition has too fully convinced me of this. Nor -should I have mentioned my apprehensions to you at this time, but -that I am bound not to conceal a thought from the friend of my heart. - -Sir George has dropt all correspondence with us, I have nothing to -expect from him; nor does that mortal live (yourself excepted) to -whom I would, on such an occasion, be indebted. I have already -sighed too often under the weight of obligations which I could not -repay. - -My mother is hastening apace to a better world, She sees her end -approaching with such a calmness, such a truly pious joy, as almost -makes me ashamed of lamenting her loss; for what is it in me, my -dear but selfishness? 'Tis true, the loss of a tender parent, a faithful -friend, at a time when all other comforts of life are fled, is an evil one -would wish wholly to avoid, or at least to postpone for the longest -date possible: but when I consider _her_ welfare, ought I to indulge -myself in such a wish? Her life is already become a burden to her; -her infirmities are painful, and without hope of cure; she longs to be -released, and to receive that reward of her righteousness, which -cannot be obtained on this side of the grave. - -If we had a friend, who, in compassion to our wants or weakness, -consented to live with us, though under the pressure of years and -bodily pain; and that friend were invited to a remote country, with an -assurance of recovering health, of having youth renewed, and of -possessing all the riches, power, honours, and accumulated pleasures -that this world can bestow; should we not blush to own even a wish to -detain him from such a station? What but a love of ourselves, -superior to that which we bear to our friend, could suggest such a -thought? How much more to be desired then is the change, to which -my mother looks forward, with an assured hope! - -But there is something dismal in the idea of death! 'tis only our -prejudices make it so. I have been endeavouring for many days past -to familiarise it to my thoughts, and to consider death only as the -name of a region through which my mother is to pass, in order to get -at that delightful country to which she is invited, and whither _I_ shall -assuredly follow her. Such is the present frame of my mind; judge -then, my sister, if this philosophy will not bear me up against the -unexpected blow when it falls upon me. - - - _September 15_ - -'Tis strange, my Cecilia, that this best of parents, who had always so -tenderly loved me, expresses now not the least uneasiness at the -forlorn condition in which she must soon leave me. Her thoughts are -employed on higher objects, and she seems to have weaned herself -from all worldly attachments. - -I am going from you, my daughter, said she to me just now, and have no -other legacy to leave you but a parent's blessing. Your brother -possesses all when I die; I wish you had the means of enjoying life with -comfort; but you must be contented. See that you bear your lot as -becomes you. I perceive your grief for the melancholy condition to which -I am now reduced; but added she smiling, I shall soon be released. - -Remember how David behaved on the death of that son, whose life he had -so earnestly besought of his maker: let that serve you as an example, -not to give yourself up to unprofitable sorrow. Bring up your children -in the principles that I taught _you_, and God will take care of them; -for _I have never seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging -their bread_. - -She said, she found herself drowsy, and desired me to leave her for a -while. I have left her, going I hope to get a little sleep; she breathes -with so much difficulty that she cannot bear to lie down, and never gets -any rest but by snatches, as she sits in an arm-chair supported by -pillows. - -How heavy and cast down do I feel my spirits; but I know the -worst--_that_ is something.-- - -It is all over: and my mother, blessed woman! opens not her eyes again -but to a joyful resurrection. Oh, my dear, there is no terror in death -when he seizes us not unprepared! I went into my mother's chamber, in -about half an hour after I had quitted it, at her desire: I found her -leaning back in her chair, her eyes shut, and a complacent air diffused -over her face, which made me hope that her slumber was sweeter, and more -profound than usual. I sat down by her to contemplate her benign -countenance; and was some minutes before I discovered that she did not -breathe. I took her hand, she had no pulse; and I soon found that the -happy spirit had escaped from its house of clay. May _I_ die the death -of the righteous, and my latter end be like hers! No murmurings, no, no -my sister, I will be patience itself! - - - _September 25_ - -I have sent the remains of my venerable parent down to Sidney-Castle, -there to be interred with her ancestors. I wrote my brother an -account of her death on the day it happened, but have as yet received -no answer. Unnatural son! but I will not reproach him; some accident -might have prevented his writing immediately on the receipt of my -letter. He never intirely forsook the duty he owed his mother, but he -has of late been quite estranged from us; his wife, vain, weak and -imperious, governs him totally. I must now begin to look about me for -a place of abode suited to my present circumstances. My whole -income would not pay more than half the rent of these lodgings in -which I have lived with my dear mother. My poor Patty! I am grieved -for _her_. I begged of her to seek another mistress, who might be able -to reward her merit, and provide for her as she deserves; but the -worthy affectionate girl told me, it would break her heart, if I talked -of parting with her. You must have a servant of some sort, Madam, -said she, why may not I do as well as another? If I were able to make -you a proper return, Patty, said I, you should not leave me; but I -cannot afford to pay a servant of your abilities as you deserve; and I -must be my own maid for the future. Never, never, Madam, cried the -honest creature, bursting into tears, while I have hands to serve you. -Let me but attend on you, and the two dear children; I desire -nothing.--I want nothing. Your goodness has all along supplied me -so, that I am sure I have clothes enough to serve me during my life; -and if I could not put up with the same humble way of living that my -mistress does, sure I should be a presumptuous wretch! My tears -thanked the grateful girl; and taking her by the hand, I told her, that I -would not talk of parting for the present, but when any thing worth -her acceptance offered, I should then insist on her embracing it. - -I am determined to retire to some village at a distance from -London, and either to take a little cottage to myself, or board with my -children at some farm-house, as I shall find most convenient. Fifty -pounds a year will be but a slender support for three persons brought -up in affluence. My little ones indeed will not now be sensible of the -change, and by the time they are grown up, they will be so inured to -their homely board, that they will not, I hope, aspire after what -cannot consistently (perhaps,) with virtue, lie within their reach. - - - _October 27_ - -After paying the expences of my mother's funeral, discharging our -lodgings, and some other demands, I find my purse will be so extremely -reduced, that I shall have but barely enough to keep out want, till my -small income becomes due to me. I must therefore, for the present, defer -putting my scheme into execution, as I am not qualified to undertake a -journey with my little family; especially as I am as yet uncertain what -place to fix on for my residence; neither will I afford my brother -(though I have no reason to expect any thing from him), a farther -pretence for reproaching me, by giving him room to say, I left London -without consulting him, or waiting for his return to it. I shall -therefore look out a lodging of a small price, where I will conceal -myself from every body that knows me, and wait for Sir George's arrival. - - - _October 28_ - -How happy you make me, my ever dear friend, by your approbation of my -conduct; since my receiving your last packet, which came into my hand -late last night, I am better reconciled to my present lot than I was -before I heard from you. I _could not do otherwise_, you say, after my -solemn promise given to Miss Burchell, than use my utmost endeavours to -promote her marriage with Mr Faulkland. True; I could not: but I wish -you had entered more into my sentiments, in regard to those punctilios, -which, you tell me, you think _might_ have been got over, if that young -woman had been out of the question. I could not help smiling at your -wish, unchristian as it was; but my dear, if that _were_ to happen, do -you think Mr Faulkland so void of reason, nay of feeling, as after all -that has past to persevere? Or if he did, that I could be so mean as to -owe the very bread that I and my children should eat, to his generosity? -Would you, my Cecilia, wish to see your friend so humbled? 'Tis not in -the power even of the cold, hard hand of poverty itself, to dash me so -low as that would do. But where is the need of forming resolutions, or -even making declarations about what never _can_ happen? I see -notwithstanding, that you think my heart has _again_ done itself some -violence: You know that heart too well for me to attempt to hide from -you its secret workings. I own to you honestly I now feel my own -unhappiness in its full extent. I look back, and take a survey of the -past, and cannot help thinking that I have had the most wayward fate -allotted me that ever woman had. - -Disappointment in a first love, has, I think been ever accounted a grief -scarce surmountable even by time: but this can only be the case, where -the heart, extremely vulnerable by nature (like Miss Burchell's) suffers -itself to be so entirely immersed in that passion, that all other duties -of life are swallowed up in it; and where an indolent turn of mind, a -want of rational avocations, and perhaps of a new object, all contribute -to indulge and confirm the disease. This you know was not my case. I -loved, 'tis true; but it was with temperance; and though my -disappointment afflicted me, it did not subdue me. I got the better of -it, I think I got the better of it even before I married; but sure I am, -I totally conquered all remembrance of it after I became a wife. I then -laid down a new scheme of happiness, and was for a time in possession of -it; how I was thrown from this is still bitter to remembrance. You well -know what I suffered, when I found myself deprived of my husband's love, -and suspected of a crime at which my soul shrunk. But it pleased the -just God to deliver me from this heavy misfortune, and I think the -happiest days of my marriage were those which I passed with Mr Arnold -after our reunion. Then it was, I was thoroughly sensible that the heart -_can_ love a second time, truly and ardently; but I was soon again -plunged into affliction by the death of a husband endeared to me more -than ever by his misfortunes. My grief for him was proportionate to my -love. Yet, my friend, as time is an universal conqueror, it might have -healed this wound as well as the former one; and a few, a very few years -would perhaps have disposed me to return Mr Faulkland's still unabated -passion, if a variety of circumstances had not interposed, that strongly -forbad our union. Convinced as I was of this, I acted agreeably to the -dictates both of my reason, and my conscience, in persuading Mr -Faulkland to make Miss Burchell his wife. I should have been grieved and -mortified had he rejected her, and I had determined never to have seen -him more. Yet how deceitful is the human heart! this very act which I -laboured with so much assiduity to accomplish, and on the accomplishment -of which, I had founded, I know not how, a sort of contentment for -myself, has been the very means of destroying what little peace of mind -I was beginning to taste before. Sure that man was born to torment me in -a variety of ways! If I was disappointed in my early love, I had however -duty, and a consciousness of what I then thought superior worth, to -support me. If on his account I suffered cruel and injurious aspersions, -the innocence of my own self-acquitted heart bore me up under it: but he -has at length found the way to punish me without leaving me any -resource. My pride is of no use, he has raised himself in my esteem -superior to every thing! His whole behaviour so generous, so candid; a -love so disinterested, so fervent; what noble, what uncommon proofs has -he given me of it! and at length what a triumphant sacrifice has he made -of that overruling passion, to the sober calls of reason and humanity! -He has left me, my dear, to gaze after him with grateful admiration! and -sometimes perhaps to sigh that our fates rendered it impossible for us -to meet. But if I do sometimes sigh, it is not at the advantages of -fortune, which I might have enjoyed with him; no, no, surrounded as I am -with distress, I do not envy Miss Burchell's affluence or splendor. If -_that_ motive could have had weight with me, I might have been mean -enough not to have acted as I have done. 'Tis the qualities of the man's -mind I esteem; I think our souls have something congenial in them, and -that we were originally designed for each other. And if I believed the -doctrine which teaches us that there are little officious spirits that -preside over the actions of men, I should think that our two evil -geniuses laid their heads together in conjunction with Miss Burchell's -active demon, to thwart and cross all our measures. - -I have nothing now left but to pray for the happiness of one whose lot -in this life he has suffered _me_ to determine; and to beseech Heaven -that he may never stand in that fatal predicament which Sir George, with -such outrageous barbarity, marked out in his vile letter. - -I now return to myself, and to my present state; which I think I may say -brings up the rear of my misfortunes. Let the chastisement stop here, -and I shall bow me to it with resignation. - - - _October 29_ - -Ah, my Cecilia, what an aggravation is here to the already too deep -regret I began to feel on Mr Faulkland's account! His triumph over me is -now complete! - -In sorting my mother's papers (as I am to leave these lodgings tomorrow) -I found that letter which Mr Faulkland wrote to my brother from Bath. -You may remember I told you my mother had, in her resentment, flung it -to Sir George, and that, as it happened to fall on the ground, he had -quitted the room in a passion without taking it up. My mother, I -suppose, when she cooled, laid it by, though I dare say she never looked -into it afterwards. Read it, and see by what a fatality we have been -governed. - - - Mr Faulkland's letter to Sir George Bidulph. - - _Bath, May 9, 1703_ - - 'How you mortify me, my dear Bidulph, when you tell me of the - happiness I lost by staying so long at Bath! _The ladies are - impatient to see me_, say you? Ah, Sir George, thou hast spoke - better of me than I deserve, I fear. - - 'I am sadly out of humour with myself at present. I have got into - a very foolish sort of a scrape here. My wrist is quite well, and - I should have thrown myself at Miss Bidulph's feet before now, - but to tell you a secret, my virtue not being proof against - temptation, I have been intercepted. - - ''Tis but a slight lapse, however, a flying affair; neither my - honour, nor my heart in the question. A little vagrant Cupid has - contented himself with picking my pocket, just lightly fluttering - through my breast, and away. - - 'Are you fallen so low as that, Faulkland, say you? to _buy_ the - favour of the fair? No, George, no; not quite so contemptible as - that neither; and yet, faith, I did _buy_ it too, for it cost me - three hundred pounds; but the lady to whom I am obliged knows - nothing of this part of her own history; at least, I hope so, for - my credit sake. The case in short is this: an old gouty officer, - and his wife (a very notable dame; a fine woman too) happened to - lodge in the same house with me. The man came hither to get rid of - his aches; the lady of her money, and her virtue, if she has any, - for she is eternally at the card tables. - - 'Under the conduct of this hopeful guide, came a niece of the - husband's; an extremely fine girl, innocent too, I believe, and - the best dancer I ever saw. I don't know how it happened, but she - took a fancy to me, which, upon my word, and I am sure you have no - doubts of me, I was far from wishing to improve. You know I always - despise the mean triumph of gaining a heart, for which I could not - give another in return. I saw with pain her growing inclination - for me; but as we lived in the same house, and met every day in - the rooms, it was impossible for me to avoid her as much as I - wished to do. The aunt I found, had her eyes upon me, and took - some pains to promote a liking on my side. I saw her design, and - was so much upon my guard, that she, who I soon found was an adept - in love-matters, almost despaired of gaining her ends. The young - lady's inclination however seemed to increase; a pair of fine blue - eyes told me so every day; and I was upon the point of flying to - avoid the soft contagion, when an accident happened that totally - overthrew all my good resolutions. - - 'I had not seen the young lady for two or three days; I enquired - for her, and her aunt answered, with a mysterious smile, She is - ill, poor thing, why don't you look in upon her, and ask her how - she does? I replied, if the lady will permit me, I will do myself - that honour, and intended literally to have kept my word, by just - asking her at her chamber door how she did. - - 'You are very cruel, said the aunt; would you persuade me that you - don't know the girl is in love with you? Oh, your Servant, Madam; - if you think me vain, I thank you for the reprimand. Come, come, - said she, this is all affectation, we'll drink tea with her this - evening. Upon my word, said I, if I am to believe what you say, I - think you ought not to desire me. I am not blind to the young - lady's merit, but am so unfortunate as not to have it in my power - to make such returns as she deserves. I found the occasion - required my being serious. - - 'If you have not love, said she, you may at least have a little - complaisance. Was there ever such a barbarian, not to go and see a - woman that is dying for him? I promised to bring you, and she - expects you. What is the pretty creature afraid of (patting my - cheek). I'll stay by it all the while. There was no withstanding - this; I promised to wait on her. - - 'She knocked at my door about six o'clock, and looking in, asked - if the coy Narcissus was ready? I went with her, and she led me - directly to her niece's chamber. The young lady looked pale and - languishing, but very pretty. I was really grieved to see her, and - enquired with an unaffected concern after her health. The - tea-things were set, and I tried to force something like - conversation, but I believe I was rather formal. - - 'When we had done tea, the aunt looked at her watch, started off - her chair, said she had outstaid her appointment with the party - she was to meet at cards, and turning to me, I hope, Sir, you will - have the _Charity_ to stay with my niece; and then hurried out of - the room. I begged leave to hand her to her chair, intending to - take that opportunity of slipping away, and resolved to quit the - house the next morning. But the determined gipsey was prepared for - this motion, and insisting that I should not stir, thrust me back - from the door, which she shut, and flew down stairs. - - 'What was to become of me now, George? My situation was dangerous, - and really critical. To be short, I forgot my prudence, and found - the young lady's heart too, too tender. - - 'I never felt remorse before. I never had cause. I accuse myself - of indiscretion, but I have not the aggravating addition to my - fault of oaths and promises to fly in my face. I made none--love, - foolish love did all, and led a willing victim to his altar, who - asked nothing in return for the sacrifice she offered; and - received nothing but unavailing repentance on my side. - - 'I know not any thing now that would give me so much pleasure as - to find that the girl hated me heartily, though I have given her - no cause. - - A just reparation I cannot make her. Every thing forbids that - thought. I do not consider myself as free; but if I were so, I am - not a seducer, and therefore do not think myself bound to carry my - penitence to such lengths. The damned aunt has been the serpent. - And here let me explain to you what I call buying the lady's - favour. You must know the aunt one night (the greatest part of - which she had spent at hazard) lost two hundred pounds; at least - she told me so the next morning, and with tears in her eyes - besought me, in the most earnest manner, to lend her that sum. She - said, she should be undone if her husband were to know it, and - that she would pay me in a very few days, as she had as much due - to her from different people who had lost to her at play. Though - our very short acquaintance could hardly warrant her making such a - request, I nevertheless did not hesitate, but gave her the money - directly. She meant indeed to pay me, but it was in a different - coin, and this I suppose was the price she set on the unhappy - girl's honour. - - 'My reflections on this unlucky affair make me very grave. I have - explained my situation to the young lady, and expressed my concern - at not having it in my power to be any other than a friend to her. - She blames her own weakness, and her aunt's conduct, but does not - reproach me. She cannot with justice, yet I wish she would, for - then I should reproach myself less. - - ''Tis a foolish business, and I must get off as handsomely as I - can. Prithee, Bidulph, say something to encourage me, and put me - into more favour with myself. You have often been my confessor, - but I never wanted absolution so much as now; nor ever was so well - intitled to it, for I am really full of penitence, and look _so_ - mortified, you would pity me. I am ashamed of having been - surprised into a folly; I who _ought_ to have been upon my guard, - knowing the natural impetuosity of my temper. - - 'I must not conclude without telling you, that this very morning, - the precious aunt, instead of paying me the two hundred pounds she - had of me before, very modestly requested I would oblige her with - another hundred, to redeem a pair of diamond ear-rings which she - had been obliged to part with for the supply of some other - necessary demands; and with abundance of smooth speeches, she - assured me, in a fortnight she would pay me all together, having - notes to that value which would then become due to her. I was such - a booby as to give it to her.--Why, fare it well--I never expect - to see a shilling of it. She thinks, perhaps, there is value - received for it. Vile woman! The affair fortunately for us all, - has not taken wind; and for me, the names of both aunt and niece, - may ever stand enrolled amongst those of chaste matrons and - virgins. The family quits this place soon, as the old gentleman is - better. - - 'I thank you for your care, in relation to my house, I hope to - take possession of it in a week or ten days; you are very good in - fixing me so near yourself. Adieu. - - 'I am, &c. - -What do you think of this letter, my Cecilia, written in confidence to -my brother? Mr Faulkland could not conceive it probable that any body -but Sir George should ever see it; he had no reason therefore to gloss -over any of the circumstances. _Had_ I seen it but in time--Oh what -anguish of heart might we all have been spared! Miss Burchell singly as -she _ought_, would have borne the punishment of her folly. - -My mother had not patience to read this letter through; nice and -punctilious as her virtue was, she passed a censure on the crime in -gross, without admitting any palliating circumstance. But I blame her -not; the excellence of her own morals, made her scrupulous in weighing -those of others; she read the letter in a cursory way, and it is plain -but half of it; prepossessed as she was before, by knowing the material -point. - -The account was given with levity at the _first_ mention of the young -lady. Then she understood he had bought her of her aunt; there is a -paragraph which _looks_ like it, and to be sure she attended not to the -explanation. Fatal oversight! she read not far enough to have this -matter cleared up. She took nothing but the bare facts into her account. -A young lady dishonoured, her disgrace likely to be public, then her -tenderness for the man who had undone her, and that man rejecting her, -and on the point of marrying another. These were the only points of view -in which my mother beheld the story. Her justice, her humanity, and her -religion prompted her to act as she did; and her conduct stands fully -acquitted to my judgment, though my heart must upon this full conviction -of Mr Faulkland's honour, sigh at recollecting the past. - -I know that the memory of my mother's own first disastrous love wrought -strongly on her mind. She was warm in her passions, liable to deep -impressions, and always adhered strictly to those opinions she first -imbibed. Her education had been severe and recluse; and she had drawn -all her ideas of mankind from her own father and mine, who, I have been -told, were both men of exemplary lives. From all these considerations, I -must again say, that I entirely acquit my dear mother, in regard to her -whole conduct, however I have suffered by it. - - - _October 30_ - -I am now fixed in a very humble situation. Shall I own it to you, my -Cecilia? I was shocked at the change. A room two pairs of stairs high, -with a closet, and a small indifferent parlour, compose the whole of my -apartment. Hither did my faithful Patty, my two children, and myself, -remove this day. It put us not to much trouble, having nothing to take -with us but our wearing apparel, which is all the worldly goods of which -I am now possessed. - -When I wrote to Lady V----, (which was a day or two before my mother's -death) I mentioned not that she was then in so dangerous a way. I know -the generosity and good nature of that worthy woman; but I have already -been too much obliged to her to lay any fresh tax on her friendship, -which I am sure she would too readily pay, if she were acquainted with -my situation. I shall therefore, as long as I can, defer acquainting her -with my mother's death; and when I do, I shall not give her room to -suspect that my brother has cast me off, which I have now too much -reason to believe he has; otherwise sure, in more than a fortnight, he -might have found time to write to me. I neither expect ceremony, nor -tenderness from him; but the occasion of my letter demanded some notice. - - - _November 2_ - -Patty has just now been informed, that Lady Sarah Bidulph is arrived in -town. She met one of their servants, who told her that my brother is not -come with her; it seems, they parted on the road. He is gone to Sidney -Castle, which is now his, and Lady Sarah chose to come to London. She -has, I find, been in London four days, though she has not yet vouchsafed -to send me any notice of her arrival. She could not be at a loss where -to find me, as I left my direction at my former lodging, in case of any -letter or message, coming from any of my friends; though I desired the -people of the house not to inform any indifferent visitants where I was -to be found. - -Though George has, in his turbulent way, renounced me as his -sister, yet sure his wife, whom I never disobliged, ought not to depart -so from humanity and common good breeding, as not to enquire after -the sister of her husband, who has an occasion of grief so recent, in -which she ought to partake. I shall not however take notice of this -slight, but am preparing to send Patty to her, with an enquiry after -her health, and to know when my brother is expected in town.-- - -Patty is just returned from her embassy to Lady Sarah; I will give -you the conversation she had with her. - -Patty sent in her message, with great respect, by a footman, and -waited for her answer in the hall; though her pretty figure and -genteel mourning-dress had induced the servant to ask her into the -house-keeper's room. - -Lady Sarah was alone in the parlour, and desired her to be called -to the door. So, young woman, said she, your mistress desires to -know when Sir George will be in town. I am really surprised, after -the letter she received from him, that she can fancy Sir George -means to concern himself about her. Do you know her business with -him? you are in your mistress's secrets I suppose. I do not know, -Madam, answered Patty, what particular business my lady may have; -but I believe it would be a comfort to her to see her brother in her -present melancholy circumstances. I don't know that there is any -thing uncommonly melancholy in her circumstances, replied the lady; -her mother's years and infirmities made her death a thing to be -looked for; I suppose your mistress is not in _want_. My poor -ingenuous Patty said she blushed at the cruel indifference with which -Lady Sarah said this. Not in immediate want, Madam, I hope, but -your ladyship must needs think she is in a destitute way, with two -children, and but fifty pounds a year in the world. What do you -mean, woman, cried Lady Sarah? it is impossible but Lady Bidulph -must have left money behind her; Sir George, I am sure, has got -nothing but what she could not keep from him. Patty answered, Lady -Bidulph, Madam, left no money behind her more than what was -barely sufficient to defray some necessary expences that occurred -immediately after her death. Well, and so your mistress, I suppose, -after having behaved so ill as she has done to her brother, expects he -should provide handsomely for her, and her children; _Arnold's_ -children for the rest of their lives. I know not, Madam, returned -Patty, what my Lady's expectations are, but I believe she would be -very glad to see Sir George before she goes out of town, or at least -inform him of her design. What _is_ her design, pray, asked Lady -Sarah? To retire into the country, Madam, as she has not -wherewithal to subsist on in London. She can't do better, I think, -said the Lady. Where does she live now? My poor maid, who thought -this question tended to the proud woman's calling on, or at least -sending to me, made haste to inform her; she lodges, Madam, at a -milliner's, at the corner of the Haymarket, the left hand as you turn--Oh -dear! pray stop: you need not be so particular, I have no design of -paying her a visit in her corner-shop; my only reason for enquiring -was, to know whether she had thought proper to keep those -expensive lodgings her mother was in, in expectation of Sir George's -continuing _her_ in them. My Lady has no such view, I believe, -Madam. Well, you may tell your _Lady_, that if she will go out of town -with her children, I will prevail on Sir George to allow her -something. He will not be in town this month, so that she need not -wait for his arrival. She might, if she would have been guided by her -brother, have been a credit to her friends, instead of what she now is. -Patty owns, she was so full of indignation, that she wished at that -moment not to have been a servant, that she might have reproached -her with her hard-heartedness. Oh, my dear, these are the stings of -poverty! It is not the hard bed, nor the homely board, but the -oppressive insolence of proud prosperity; 'tis that only which can -inflict a wound on the ingenuous mind. - -As for that mean woman, I despise her too much to suffer myself -to be obliged to her. _She will endeavour to prevail on my brother._ If his -own heart cannot prevail on him, I disclaim her influence; I know she -means not to use it in my favour; on the contrary, I make no doubt -but she will endeavour to irritate Sir George gainst me by -misrepresentations. Her pride makes her wish to have an indigent -relation out of the way, yet her avarice would not suffer her to enable -me to retire; and she will make my continuing here through necessity -a pretence for still with-holding any assistance from me. Let it be so; -I would rather submit to the most abject drudgery, than owe a -wretched dependant existence to such a woman. I am sure my -brother, notwithstanding his resentment, if he knew what my -situation truly is, would not behave with cruelty; but my mind is not -become so sordid, fallen as I am, as to turn petitioner for relief. But -no more, my Cecilia, let not my fate interrupt your happiness. - - - _November 4_ - -I have had a letter from Mrs Faulkland, filled with the overflowings of -a joyful heart. She says, Mr Faulkland is so delighted with the country -he is in, and finds his estate capable of such vast improvement, that he -thinks of making a longer residence there than he at first intended: the -rather as he has some suspicions that his agent has not acted faithfully -by him; and as he is sure the extensive plan that he has now laid down, -will be better executed under his own eye. He purposes building a little -convenient lodge on a very charming spot in the centre of his estate, -where he may reside whilst his works are carrying on; so that Mrs -Faulkland promises herself much pleasure, in spending her time partly -there and partly in Dublin. She has already made a large circle of -acquaintance, and bestows high encomiums on the great politeness and -hospitality with which they are received by all the fashionable people -in the county. - -She knows not of my mother's death; yet in my answer to her letter, I -cannot avoid mentioning it. Though I could wish for obvious reasons to -conceal it. Mr Faulkland well knows the ruin of our fortune; and though -he cannot suppose while I have a brother living that I am driven to such -streights, yet I know what his liberal heart may suggest to him on this -occasion, which might lay me under fresh difficulties. - -I have but just now apprised Lady V---- of the decease of my dear -mother, but have not insinuated any other grief than the loss of a -tender parent, and an agreeable companion. Indeed I have carried my -dissimulation so far as not to desire this lady to change her address to -me, lest if I gave her my present direction, she might be led to think, -necessity had obliged me to change my former lodgings for worse. I shall -use the same precaution towards Mrs Faulkland, as I have obtained -permission from the gentlewoman whose house I lately left, to have my -letters sent thither: when I go into the country a general direction to -the post-house may suffice. I shall now look out for some little spot to -retire to, where I can support life on the cheapest terms. In two months -I shall have my small pittance due to me, which I reserve to carry me -out of town, and to settle me in my new scheme of oeconomy in the -country. If I could persuade my poor Patty to quit me, and see her -settled in some eligible situation, I should then have no material -concern to attend to, but the bringing up my children in the paths of -virtue and humility. Humility, that happy frame of mind, on which so -much of our temporal as well as our eternal welfare depends. - - - _November 9_ - -Who shall say, now is the measure of my griefs complete: Providence thou -canst inflict no more! Oh my sister, in the midst of other sorrows, I -thought not of one that still remained behind; my children, my two -little angels! both dangerously ill. The small-pox is their distemper, -and of the worst kind. The disease has been hanging over them for some -days, and my close attendance on them, prevented me from using my pen. -The cruel distemper now appears with the most malignant symptoms. The -eldest always slept with me; I have resigned my bed to her for these -three last nights, and have watched by her. Patty has done the same by -the youngest. A humane and skilful physician attends them, but my -reliance rests not on him. - - - _November 12_ - -Three days and nights of sorrowful anxiety have at length produced a -little comfort to me. The distemper has now reached one crisis, whence -the physician can form a judgment with some degree of certainty, and he -bids me hope. Oh if it were not for that healing word, how could the -wretched drag on existence from day to day? I do, I will hope, for there -is a merciful providence that superintends his works. - - - _November 21_ - -Thank God! thank God! my Cecilia, the dear babes are out of danger. -Fifteen melancholy days and nights has their disconsolate mother watched -by the poor little sufferers; but I am fully repaid by having them -restored to my prayers. They are now able to sit up, and open their -pretty eyes which had been closed for so many days; and to add to my -satisfaction I think they will not be marked: but they are still so -feeble that it will be at least another fortnight before I can think of -venturing their little tender frames out of doors. - -The physician's care and diligence deserved a greater recompence than I -had it in my power to make him; however what I have done has reduced me -to a single guinea. But this affects me not I shall make no difficulty -of parting with some of my now unnecessary fineries, which neither I nor -my children probably will ever again have any pretensions to wear. - - - _November 22_ - -I have felt the wounds of grief, the pangs of disappointment, and the -smart of indignation! yet was my heart never more sensibly affected than -it was just now by a circumstance proceeding from a cause very different -from all these. I had taken out of my drawers a few superfluous -ornaments, which I desired Patty to dispose of as if they were her own, -to the woman where we lodge; being things in her own way of business. -The poor girl looked at me for some time with a grief in her countenance -that pierced me to the soul. There is no need, Madam, said she, with her -voice almost stifled, there is no need I hope as yet for this. You don't -consider, Patty, said I, that the children's weak constitution requires -now a more than ordinary attention to their diet; and I have not -sufficient to supply them long with such necessaries as they want. I -have no occasion for these trifles, and I cannot see my little ones -droop for want of such comfortable nourishment as may restore them to -their strength. Nor shall they want it Madam, answered Patty; don't be -angry with me Madam, if I beg you will let me use my endeavours to -supply them. What do you mean, said I, I know the goodness of your -disposition, but how have you it in your power? You know Madam, said -she, I am pretty expert at my needle; and as our landlady has always -abundance of work on her hands, I undertook to assist her, and have for -this fortnight past, while I was closely confined to miss's room, -finished a piece of curious work, for which she has this day paid me -thirty shillings. You amaze me, said I, I never saw you employed -otherwise than in your attendance on the child. I was afraid you would -be displeased, Madam, she replied, and always hid my work when you came -into the room, which I could easily do, as it was only a fine piece of -point which I was grounding; and as I sat up night and day, I had an -opportunity of sticking most constantly to it, which enabled me to do in -a fortnight, what to another hand would be a month's labour. Now, Madam, -with your leave, I can go on in this manner, and though perhaps I cannot -always earn so much, yet I am sure I can still procure enough to prevent -your being drove to the necessity of parting with your apparel, till we -are in a condition to leave such an expensive place as London is. And do -you think, my dear Patty, said I, with tears of affection and gratitude -in my eyes, that I will consent to take the fruits of your ingenious and -honest industry from you? No, no, if you can find time by these means to -procure a little supply for your own pocket, do so; but I will not -suffer you to expend a farthing of what you can earn, on my account. I -saw she looked distressed and confounded; excuse me, Madam, said she, -but I have made bold to lay out part of the money already; I thought the -poor children would want a little wine to nourish them, and indeed, -Madam, your spirits want some support after your long fatigue. I have -bought a few bottles of wine, Madam, and some other little necessaries; -I hope you will not take it ill. - -I pressed the affectionate creature's hand; I cannot be angry with you, -Patty, for your goodness, but such proofs of it as these distress me -more than my wants could. I accept of your kindness for this time, but -insist on your not doing such a thing again. If there be occasion for -it, I can apply to my needle as well as you, and would sooner do so, -than part with any of my things, since it gives you so much uneasiness. - -The poor girl was rejoiced at my acceptance of her friendly and tender -offer, and produced her little purchase, which was indeed both -seasonable and useful. - - - _November 23_ - -I had this day a letter from Lady V----. I send you a copy of it. - - 'I condole with you, my dear Mrs Arnold, on the afflicting loss - you sustained in your good mother's death. You mention not any - particular consequences from this accident; but I know, that by - Lady Bidulph's death, you are deprived of a considerable part of - your income, and on this account I have taken the liberty of - friendship, to send you a supply, which your family-calls may - require, till your affairs are settled upon a better footing. - - 'Let me know how you and your brother stand; if he should not be - so kind to you as he ought, I insist upon your looking on me as - your banker, who know not how to make so good a use of my income, - as sharing it with those I love as I do you. - - 'I am, &c.' - -The supply which Lady V---- mentioned, accompanied this letter, and was -a bank bill of three hundred pounds. - -I own to you, my Cecilia, that my first emotions were only those of joy, -surprize, and gratitude, for so unexpected and important a donation; but -when those were a little subsided, I began to reflect on the nature, and -manner of this noble act of friendship. I know Lady V---- is one of the -best women living; she is generous, and compassionate, and has always -honoured me with a particular regard; yet I must confess to you, her -present now comes to me suspected. I believe I told you, that Lady V---- -had retired into Lancashire, to live with an only sister she has there: -this Lady is a widow, and I have since been informed, was left with a -very numerous young family, and an income scarce sufficient to support -them genteely; they are now most of them grown up, and all the girls, of -which there are five, unprovided for. Since Lady V----'s departure, I -have been told, that it was principally on account of these young girls, -of whom she is extremely fond, that she went to reside with her sister, -in order to support them more agreeably to their rank; their father -having been a general officer, and a man of high birth. Lady V----'s -jointure is a thousand pound a year; but as I hear the family make a -respectable figure in the country, and I am sure Lady V----'s fondness -for her nieces, would induce her to save what she could, in order to -leave them something at her death, I cannot reconcile it to her -prudence, notwithstanding the liberality of her spirit, and the -friendship she has for me, that she should make so considerable a -present, at the same time give me as it were an unbounded letter of -credit on her. Had she sent me the sixth part of the sum, I should not -have doubted its being only the effects of her kindness towards me; and -in her present situation, as considerable a proof of it, as she ought in -regard to have given to one whom she has already bound under strong -obligations. But the largeness of the sum renders it suspicious; and to -tell you the secret inspirations of my heart, I fear it comes from a -different quarter. - -I made Mrs Faulkland acquainted with my mother's death, about the same -time that I informed Lady V---- of it. To neither did I give the most -distant hint of my circumstances, yet Mr Faulkland knows they cannot be -happy. He too knows better than any body, how far Sir George's -resentment may carry him. Is it not natural then, my dear, to imagine -that this man, who is generosity itself, should have taken this method -of making Lady V---- the channel through which he conveys his -liberality? I am sure it must be so. It is three weeks since Lady V---- -had the notice of my mother's death; Why thought she not sooner of -reaching out her supporting hand, if she imagined I stood in need of it? -I gave her no cause to believe I did; otherwise I make no question of -her ready friendship, as far as her abilities would go: but _she_ could -not know as well as Mr Faulkland how much my brother was exasperated -against me, and therefore could not suppose me to be as destitute as I -really am. She desires to know how my brother and I stand. This question -is not Her's; Sir George, for his own credit, perhaps has not told Mr -Faulkland what his conduct has been towards me, but he wants to be -informed. Contriving man! I will disappoint him; nor shall he heap such -obligations on me as must sink me under their weight. I will not receive -this suspected gift of Lady V----'s; but it is a delicate point, and, -whilst I refuse, I must take care not to offend. I will send Lady V---- -her bill back again, but in such a manner as to shew her, I refuse her -gift for no other reason but its being too valuable. - - - _November 24_ - -See, my Cecilia, whether I have succeeded in my endeavours to -refuse, with a good grace, my Lady V----'s offered kindness. - -This is my answer to her. - - To Lady V----. - - 'You oppress me, my dear and ever honoured Lady V----, by a - generosity and friendship that knows no bounds. Why will you force - me to appear proud, or ungrateful, by refusing the favours of so - true a friend? But, my dear Madam, do not believe me either the - one or the other. Had you sent me a trifling token of your love, - you would have been convinced of my respect for you, by the - thankfulness with which I would have accepted it; but do not seek - to humble me so far, my good Lady V----, by heaping favours on me, - which I can never have a prospect of returning. With equal respect - and gratitude, permit me, Madam, to return your too considerable - present. I cannot in honour, receive a liberality, which I am so - little intitled to; and the less, as Justice now demands, that - your bounteous heart, so diffusive in its generosity, should a - little restrain itself. - - 'I cannot say that my circumstances are as happy as they have - been; yet have I, I thank Heaven, accommodated my mind to them. My - brother has not been in town since my mother's death; but I am not - without hope that he will make my situation easy. On this account, - I know my dear Lady V---- will the more readily pardon my refusal - of her obliging offer, and believe that her goodness is not - bestowed on an unthankful heart. - - 'I am, &c.' - -In this letter I re-inclosed her bill, and have sent it off. Did I not -well, my Cecilia? If, as I strongly suspect, this present came from Mr -Faulkland, I should never endure myself, had I retained it. If it should -have really come from Lady V---- herself, I must still approve my own -conduct. The sum (circumstanced as she now is) was certainly too much -for _her_ to bestow, or _me_ to receive; and in the manner of my -refusal, I think I have insinuated this, with as much deference for Lady -V----'s judgment as I could shew. She will see my motive, and I think -that will be a sort of touch-stone, whereby I shall discover, from her -behaviour, whether my doubts are well grounded or not.-- - -Patty has, by her inquiries, heard of a little pleasant retirement in -the country, about fifty miles off, where my children and I can be -tolerably lodged and boarded for thirty pounds a year, at the house of -an honest farmer, a relation of hers; thither I shall repair as soon as -my little girls are in a condition to be removed. - - - [_Continued by Patty._] - - - _November 26_ - -The dismal task is fallen upon me again, to keep an account of our -melancholy days. My dear suffering lady is seized with a fever, and -confined to her bed. She orders me, Madam, to write down every thing as -it happens. Lord keep us! there is nothing but sorrows in this world: I -am sure, at least, my poor lady has had her full share of them. Her -close attendance on the children, and the loss of rest for so many -nights, has brought this new affliction on her. Oh, Madam, the loss of -health is a grievous thing, even when there are riches: what must it be -in my lady's circumstances? But she has the patience of Job himself. To -be sure, Madam, her trials are enough to put another beside themselves; -but I think my lady's courage increases with her troubles. I was -obliged, to-day, with an aching heart, to dispose of a fine lace head of -my lady's. I heard her say, it cost sixty pounds; but, though it never -was wet but once, I got but fifteen for it, and this, perhaps, may all -go to the doctor, if my lady's illness continues long. What does it -signify? We cannot buy health too dear. - - - _November 30_ - -My lady is better between whiles; the doctor says, her disorder is -chiefly on her spirits; and, though it is not dangerous, he is afraid it -will be very tedious. Lord! what will become of us if it is? - - - _December 3_ - -My lady has had a letter this day, from Lady V----, which she has -ordered me to send you, Madam, a copy of. - - To Mrs Arnold. - - 'You cannot imagine, my dear Mrs Arnold, how uneasy you have made - me, by your not accepting of the bill I sent you, because I too - well know the occasion you have for it. But, since you _have_ - refused (and I know the sincerity and strength of your - resolutions) I must not take to myself the merit of this friendly - and generous offer; too liberal indeed, as you, with great - delicacy, hinted, for _me_ to make. To let you into the secret at - once, and that your gratitude may be directed to the proper place, - it was from our noble friend Mr Faulkland that I received that - sum, with instructions to send it to you, as from myself, for he - well knows you would not have accepted it from him; but, since I - see you are determined to reject it, as coming even from me, I - think I ought, in justice to him, to place this act of friendship - to the right account. - - 'I had a letter lately from Mr Faulkland, wherein he tells me, - that having heard, from your correspondence with Mrs Faulkland, of - Lady Bidulph's death, he fears you are by her loss, rendered - extremely unhappy in your circumstances. He is not a stranger to - the losses you formerly sustained in your fortune, and he says - besides, he knows your brother's warm temper so well, that he is - apprehensive he will carry an unreasonable resentment he has taken - up so far, as to deny you that brotherly kindness and assistance, - which you have a right to expect from him. "If this be the case" - (he adds) "what must be Mrs Arnold's situation?" He then conjures - me to convey to you that trifle (as he called it) under the - sanction of my own name, that being the only one from which he had - a hope it would not be refused; and he farther said, that if you - should be prevailed upon, on account of the friendship which he - knew there was between you and me, to accept of my service, he - would contrive, from time to time, to furnish you with such little - supplies, as might make you easy, 'till Sir George and you should - be on better terms. Now, my dear Mrs Arnold, you have the truth of - this whole affair. I own it was with great reluctance I lent my - name to impose on you, but, as it was so much for your benefit, I - overcame my scruple. - - 'I could wish your extreme nicety had not forbid you to accept - this offer: I have reason to be angry with you on this account; - yet my amiable, sagacious friend, perhaps you had your doubts. Be - that as it will, remember you said you would not have refused a - small token of my love; I wish I could send you one worthy of your - acceptance, and the love I bear you; we should then see whose - punctilio should get the better. As it is, I send you a very small - token, which I insist on your taking, if you have the least - occasion; if this should be the case, I know the candour of your - heart, and that you will be too ingenuous to grieve me by a - refusal. - - 'I hope Mr Faulkland will not be angry with me for betraying his - secret; But what would it now avail to keep it? I would have - _you_, as well as myself, know his worth. Oh how I lament--but it - is to no purpose--Adieu, my dear good creature! you are tried like - fine gold, and your excellence is become the more conspicuous by - adversity--. - - 'I am, &c.' - -My Lady's spirits were greatly affected by reading this letter; she wept -bitterly, and was so cast down all day, I was afraid it would make her -disorder much worse. The good Lady V---- inclosed a bill of fifty pounds -in it. My Lady said she must not refuse it, but would thank her ladyship -whenever she was able to take a pen in her hand. God knows when that -will be; for though she struggles with her illness, it still gets the -mastery. The two young misses mend but slowly; they do not gather the -least strength, and one of them has such a weakness in her eyes that she -cannot bear the least light. Indeed, Madam, this is a most melancholy -family. I pray to God night and day to keep me in health, more for their -sakes than my own; for I think it would quite break my heart if they -should want my attendance, and I should not be able to give it to -them.-- - - - _December 6_ - -I write on. Madam, as I am ordered, though I have but little to say, in -the confinement of a dismal sick room, where I never see any body but a -doctor and an apothecary: but my lady is unwilling to let this packet -go, till she is able herself to tell you (with her own hand) that she is -better, for fear my dull account should make you uneasy. - - - _December 7_ - -There is such changes and turns in my lady's disorder, that we do not -know what to make of it. One while we think she is a little better, and -then again the next hour she seems much worse than before. The doctor -would have a consultation, though my lady is quite against it; but these -doctors love to bring in one another. My Lady V----'s present came in -good time, but if they go on at this rate it will not last long. My lady -said to me to-day, Patty one would think that I was of great -consequence, and mighty happy, by this bustle to preserve my life; but -there is the tie (pointing to the two children); for their sakes I must -try to get well. - - -[After an interview of six weeks written by Mrs Arnold in a hand scarce -legible.] - - - _January 20_ - -Restored at length by the mercy of God from the jaws of death! restored -to my children, to my dear Cecilia, and just able to tell her with a -feeble hand that her Sidney lives--. - - - _January 25_ - -I am now able, my dear, to reassume that task, once the most pleasing of -my life, when health, joy, and prosperity gilded all my days. The scene -is now changed; and I think I have nothing the same about me, but the -feelings and affections of my mind. You cannot imagine, my Cecilia, how -I am altered; you would not now say, that you envied my white and red; -you would hardly know me, and it is not to be wondered at, preyed on as -I have been for near two months by a slow but tormenting fever. It is -with difficulty that I hold my pen, but my willing hand obeys my heart -when it would pour itself out to thee. I have made a shift to scrawl a -few lines to my good Lady V----, to thank her for her kindness. I could -not refuse it! it would indeed have been disingenuous, considering the -footing on which she put my acceptance of it. I should have been driven -to extreme streights, if it had not been for her present, confined as -long as I have been to the languishing bed of sickness. - - - _January 26_ - -Patty heard to-day that my brother has been in town some time, but he -takes no notice of me. I have not a relation in the world but himself. -He could not sure be so cruel, if he knew all. But Lady Sarah keeps it -from him; she thinks perhaps I am slunk into some obscure corner, where -she leaves me to distress. Sir George is not of a savage nature, yet his -humanity is not strong enough to seek out the afflicted. His pride too I -know is gratified by having me out of the way of observation, and so -long as I do not call upon him, I find he will not enquire after me. - -The winter is now so far advanced, and I am in a condition so extremely -weak, that I cannot, till the spring advances a little, think of taking -my flight to my peaceful retreat in the country. I look eagerly forward -to the time of my enlargement; such I may call it, for indeed, my dear, -my spirits are quite exhausted with my long confinement in a little -close lodging in this irksome town. - - - _January 27_ - -The gentlewoman with whom I lodged in St Alban's-street, told Patty, who -went to her house to-day to enquire if there were any letters for me, -that there have been, at different times, several people of my former -acquaintance to look for me; but I do not find that one enquiry has come -from my brother. I had given the gentlewoman instructions not to tell -any stranger where I lodged. I believe this caution was needless, there -are few who give themselves the trouble to trace out the steps of the -unhappy; and I dare say, that those whom common form obliged to pay me a -visit of condolence on my mother's death, were none of them much hurt at -the disappointment of not finding me.-- - - - _January 30_ - -I have been laying down a little sort of plan for my future life. I told -you the terms I could live upon with the farmer whom Patty found out for -me; but as I cannot expect to be boarded at so cheap a rate when my -children are grown bigger, I have been devising the means how to enlarge -my scanty income against the time that our wants must necessarily -increase; for I am firmly resolved my kind Lady V---- shall never -augment the debt I already owe her. You know, my dear, I am pretty -dexterous at my needle; the woman where I lodge deals in embroidery, -which is much in fashion, and I think I have not seen any, though she -pays largely to her artificers in this way, equal to some pieces of my -own work. Now, my Cecilia, I have resolved to apply myself to this when -I get into the country. I shewed the woman a small fire-skreen wrought -by me when I was a girl, the same which I remember my poor Mr Arnold -accused me of neglecting for my Horace, and which had never been made -up; she said the work was so curious, that she would give any price for -such a hand. Patty is well skilled in this sort of work too, and as I -find she is determined not to quit me, I must, in return, endeavour not -to let the poor girl be too great a sufferer for her kindness. - -I think we shall between us be able to do a good deal, and my landlady -has promised to receive and dispose of our work for a small -consideration; as fast as we can send it to her; which we shall have -constant opportunities of doing. - -You cannot imagine how pleased I am with my scheme. Patty is in raptures -at the thoughts of her being permitted to continue with me. I would even -now set about my project if my health would allow me; but alas! my -Cecilia, I am still so feeble, I am not able to sit up more than an hour -or two at a time; and cannot walk a-cross my narrow room without help. -Fresh air and a little gentle exercise would I am sure, more than any -thing, contribute to restore my strength; but the means to procure -these, are not conveniently within my power; so that I must wait that -slow, but generally sure remedy, patience. - - - _February 10_ - -I have a wonderful incident to relate to you! you, my Cecilia, I know -will join with me in admiring and praising God for his gracious -providence! - -This morning I was but just risen and got down into my little parlour, -when Patty came to tell me, a man desired to speak with me. I -immediately ordered him to be admitted. Patty accordingly introduced the -person, who had stood in the entry whilst she was speaking to me. He -seemed to be a man between forty and fifty years old, mean in his -apparel, though clean. I nodded to my maid to leave the room, which when -she had done, I civilly demanded of the stranger his business. - -I was standing when he entered the room, and continued doing so while I -spoke to him, not thinking from his appearance that he was intitled to -sit down with me. You know I am not proud, but there is a sort of usage -established, which we naturally fall into. The man who had advanced some -steps into the room, looked over his shoulder as if for a chair; so I -understood the motion, and accordingly sat down myself, and bad him do -so too. He did, and with an air as if he considered the civility to be -only what was due to him. - -I believe, Madam, said he, though you do not remember me, that you -cannot be ignorant of your having had a relation of the name of Warner, -who went to the West-Indies about five and twenty years ago. I answered, -I do remember to have heard of such a person. - -You see that unfortunate man before you, he replied; I am your near -relation, Madam, your father was my mother's only brother: I have been -very unhappy; I lost, in my return to England, what almost five and -twenty years industry had scraped together: the sum was but a moderate -one, yet sufficient to have supported me decently for the remainder of -my life. I asked him, how it happened? I began, said he, to grow sickly -abroad, and was told that my native air might restore me. This advice so -well agreed with my own inclinations, which were, for a long time past, -bent upon returning home, that I took the first opportunity of a ship -bound for England; but we were unluckily met by a French privateer, who -stripped me of every thing but the clothes on my back, and set me on -shore on the coast of Spain, whence I begged my passage to England, -having nothing to support me but a few shillings, part of a collection, -made for me and my fellow-sufferers, amongst some English gentlemen. - -Whilst he spoke I thought I could discover a likeness in his face to my -father. He was reckoned extremely to resemble his sister, the mother of -this unhappy Mr Warner; she was a fine woman, and I had seen her -picture. His story was credible; and I had no reason to doubt the truth -of what he said. - -And here I will give you a brief account of what occasioned this -unfortunate relation to be thus long an alien from his family. - -His mother, as you have just now heard, was my father's sister, who -threw her person and her fortune away upon a broken officer. This act -disobliged my father so much, that from the time of her marriage, to the -hour of her death, he never would see her. Her husband died, when this -their only child was about nine years old; the poor mother survived him -but a short time, and the orphan boy was left to my father's mercy. I -have often heard him say he was very unlucky, and never could be -persuaded into a love of his book; he was, however, put to school, and -my father bestowed the same expence on his education, as if he had been -his own son. When he was about sixteen years old, as he wrote a good -hand, and had a great capacity for figures, he bound him apprentice to a -merchant, in which situation he had been above a year, (and during that -time he had made several elopements, and was with difficulty reconciled -to his master, through my father's mediation) when he committed such a -misdemeanour in his master's family as obliged him to abscond. -Accordingly he stole, unknown to any body, on board a ship bound to the -West-Indies, of which his master was partly owner, where he hid himself, -and nobody could tell what was become of him, 'till my father, about -nine months after his departure, received a letter from him, dated from -Jamaica, wherein he begged pardon of him, and his master, for his -elopement, told him, that he had been taken into a merchant's compting -house, and declared, that he meant, by his diligence and good behaviour, -to make amends for his past ill conduct. This was the only letter my -father or any of his friends ever had from him. He answered it; but had -no return; nor could he, from repeated enquiries, made two or three -years after, learn any thing of him; so that all his relations concluded -him dead. - -These particulars I had heard before from my father, and his relations -perfectly agreeing with them in every circumstance, I could have no -doubt but that he was the man. Sir, said I, I very well remember to have -heard your story; your likeness to my father, who was the image of your -mother, leaves me no room to question your being the Mr Warner, of whom -I have so often heard: you are indeed my near relation, and it grieves -my heart to see you in such distress; and the more so, as I have not the -ability I could wish to assist you; but we will talk over more -particulars after breakfast. I rang the bell, and ordered Patty to get -some coffee. While we were at breakfast, I asked my new-found kinsman by -what means he had discovered me so soon? (for, by the way, I should have -told you that he said he had been arrived but two days in London.) He -answered, that one of the English gentlemen, who had been so kind to him -at Cadiz, had given him a letter to a gentleman in London, for whom he -was to leave it at a coffee-house in Pall-mall; that as he was -delivering it, he perceived another letter lying on the bar, directed to -Sir George Bidulph. The two names struck him, remembering them to be -those of his cousin. His uncle, he supposed, was dead; but he determined -to enquire who that gentleman was, and if he found it to be my brother, -to apply to him for assistance. He had soon an opportunity of being -satisfied; my brother happened to come in his chariot to the door, just -as Mr Warner was going out; he knew the arms, and had some recollection -even of his features. It was past three o'clock, and I heard Sir George -direct his servant home. I concluded he was going to dinner, and that -the morning was the properest time to call on him, and having informed -myself where he lived, I accordingly went yesterday morning. - -He stopped, and sipped his coffee for some time without speaking. - -And did you see him, Sir? Yes, Madam, I saw him, and heard him too. He -has got a fine house, and seems to have every thing very elegant about -him. When I was let into the hall, I desired the footman to acquaint his -master that a gentleman, newly arrived from the West-Indies, wanted to -speak with him, being commissioned by Mr Warner, a relation of his, to -enquire after him. The footman went up stairs, and returning presently, -asked me if I brought a letter from the gentleman I mentioned. I said, -No, but I had something to say to him. - -The servant, after delivering this message, came halfway down the first -flight of the stairs, and leaning over the banisters, he bid me walk up. -I found your brother, and his lady (I suppose) in her dressing-room, at -breakfast. There was tea and chocolate on the table. I bowed very -respectfully; the lady scarce moved her head; your brother said, Your -servant, Sir, and viewed me from head to foot, but fixed his eyes -earnestly on my face. The footman who had introduced me had withdrawn. -Sir, said I, have you quite forgot me? I remember you well. He answered -hesitatingly, and with a change of countenance that boded me no good, I -protest, Sir,--I--I know nothing of you. 'Have you forgot your cousin -Ned Warner?' He looked at his wife, and she at him; he forced a smile at -her, which she returned, without knowing for what. 'I do remember there -was such a one related to the family, whom we all supposed to be dead; -as for recollecting his person--'tis really so long ago--that I--can't -say I do.' All this while he let me stand, he was lolling in an easy -chair, and had a dish of chocolate in his hand, of which he sipped and -spoke to me by turns. His wife was feeding a monkey that was perched on -her shoulder. - -I am indeed more altered than you, Sir George; the hardships which I -have undergone, and my long residence in a warmer climate, may readily -account for that; but have you no traces of my features? No recollection -of my voice? I have carried you many times in my arms. 'Sir, I do not -dispute the _identity_ of your person, but I should be glad to know -your commands with me.' _Commands_ I have none, Sir: the poor must -entreat, not command. - -I then proceeded to tell him my unhappy story in the same words I just -now gave it to you. His lady seemed not to mind me, but kept talking to -her marmouset. He listened to me, but with so much impatience in his -looks, as quite abashed me. I was still standing, but a little to take -off the aukwardnes of my posture, I had ventured to rest one arm on the -back of a chair. - -When I had done speaking, your brother got up in a violent passion, to -which he seemed to have been working himself up during the time I took -to explain myself. He whisked away the chair on which I was leaning, and -walked to the other end of the room; then turning to his lady, Is not -this a pretty fellow to force his way in upon us, by a sham story of a -message from a relation? and now truly by way of an agreeable surprize -he turns out to be that very relation come a begging in his own proper -person. Sir, said I, I ask your pardon for the liberty I took to gain -admittance to you; but you will be the more inclined to excuse me, if -you please to consider that it was out of respect to you that I would -not in the mean appearance I now make, acknowledge myself to any of your -servants; for the same reason I imagined, that had I not sent a message -which I was in hopes would have a little interested you in my favour, I -might have been ordered to send up my business by your footman, which -would I thought have been quite improper. You might have writ, said he, -interrupting me. Ah Sir, (shaking my head) if I _had_--and I stopped -short. 'You might not have been much the better for it: is that what you -would say? (with a contemptuous half sneer.) In short, Sir, I can do -nothing for you; what is it that you expect I _should_ do?' I do not -mean to be a burden on you, Sir, I replied, I was bred to business, I -write a good hand, and understand accompts. I hope to get into some -merchant's house; but in the mean time I am starving. I am an utter -stranger here, though in my own country. I observed he had slipped his -hands into his breeches pocket, and seemed to be feeling for a bit of -money. Sir George, said the lady, (who had observed him as well as I) -'tis to no purpose to give any thing to these sort of people; assist -one, and They will send another to you, and so there is no end to such -claims. Your brother withdrew his hand from his pocket, as if checked by -his lady's looks. 'Sir, it is not in my power to assist you.' I then -asked him if you were living, and where I could find you? for though you -were not born when I left England, I heard afterwards that Sir Robert -Bidulph had a daughter. Your brother replied peevishly he knew nothing -of you, as you preferred the friendship of strangers to that of your -relations. He then rang the bell, and calling his man to dress him, went -out of the room without casting a look at me. I ventured to ask his lady -your name (if you had changed it) and where you lived. She told me your -name, but said she knew not where you lodged, adding I might spare -myself the trouble of enquiring you out, for to her knowlege you could -do nothing for me. - -I took my leave, but enquiring of a footman whom I found in the hall, he -directed me to St Alban's Street, where you formerly lodged. I went -there, and it was with difficulty that I could prevail on the woman of -the house to tell me where you now lived; but my necessities made me -urgent, and I waited on you this morning, Madam, to make my distress -known to you; but I am afraid the information I had from your -sister-in-law concerning you has but too much truth in it. As he spoke -this he cast his eyes round my meanly furnished parlour, looked at the -poor equipage of my tea table, and again sipped his unfinished and now -cold dish of coffee. - -Sir, said I, when my sister informed you that I was poor, it is certain -she spoke truth; I am not, however, I thank God, _so_ poor but that I -can spare you a little; if you will take a cheap lodging near me, I will -supply you with enough to pay for it; and if you can eat as I and my -little family do, you shall be welcome to us every day till something -can be done for you. I see but very few people, but I will speak to such -as come in my way to try to have you recommended to some one for -employment. I then put my hand in my pocket, and taking out five -shillings (all the silver I had) I put it into his hand: Sir, you may -owe some little trifle where you have slept these two nights, I fear -your lodging has been but poor, but if this will not discharge it tell -me freely. - -He suffered me to drop the shillings into his unclosed hand. He fixed -his eyes eagerly on my face, but instead of replying to what I said, he -only cried out, Good God! good God! and undoing two or three buttons at -his breast, he sobbed as if his bosom was bursting. I was affected with -his gratitude, and tried to disperse the tears that mounted to my eyes. -I wish I could weep, said he, but I can't; and may these be the last -tears that ever you shall have occasion to shed! my worthy, my generous, -my pious relation! God forgive me for trying such a heart, but I will -reward it, amply will I reward your goodness. - -He then drew a red letter-case out of his bosom, and, opening it, he put -a bill into my hand for two thousand pounds on the bank of England. -Think, my dear, how I started at such a vision! Sir, you amaze me! was -all I could say. I beg your pardon for deceiving you, said he, but it -was with a good intent. I suppose it is needless to tell you that I am -not that poor forlorn wretch that I represented myself to you. Hear the -real truth of my circumstances. You see before you (of a private man) -one of the richest subjects in these dominions. You have heard that my -setting-out was no other than that of a common writing-clerk in a -merchant's counting-house at Jamaica; from whence I wrote twice to your -father, but never had any answer. I interrupted him to tell him, I had -heard my father say he had got one letter from him, and had writ to him -in return, and afterwards made many enquiries after him without success. -Perhaps he might, said he, but I never received it, nor heard of any -enquiries made, which piqued me so, that I resolved never to write -again. In a little time I made myself so useful to my master that he -grew exceedingly fond of me; and having no heir but an only daughter, -who it seems had conceived an inclination for me, though without my -suspecting it, but which her father had by some means discovered, he -frankly made an offer of her to me in marriage; with an assurance of -leaving me all that he was worth at his decease, and an immediate -proffer of entering into partnership with him. The only return he -required on my part, was to change my name, and assume his, which was -Collett. I made no scruple of complying; for though my regard to the -young lady had never risen to what is commonly called love, I yet -thought her in all respects an unexceptionable match. I married her; my -patron punctually fulfilled his promise; and at the end of three years I -found myself by his death in possession of a considerable estate. The -following year I lost my wife in childbed of her first child, who died -with its mother. The changing my name was probably the occasion of my -not being found out by those employed to enquire after me; and I perhaps -ought now to acknowlege myself careless in not acquainting my friends -with my good fortune. - -I had such uncommon success in trade that my wealth increased amazingly. -In about five years after the decease of my first wife, I married the -widow of a merchant, with whom I got an immense fortune. This lady I -truly loved. She was an amiable creature. I had one son by her, a fine -youth, and we lived happily together for twelve years; at the end of -which it pleased God to take from me both wife and child. Poor man! his -tears began to flow here. He proceeded. After this loss my own life -began to grow tiresome to me; I had more riches than I knew what to do -with, and had nobody to leave them to; my health began to decline; I -grew weary of the place, and resolved, partly to divert my melancholy, -and partly through affection to my native country, to see England once -more. I settled my affairs in the best manner, sent considerable sums of -money over before me, and brought a large one with me. During my voyage -the whim took me, that I would enquire privately after your family, and -present myself to you as I have done, in order to make trial of your -dispositions, resolving, according as I found you worthy of it, to share -my fortune amongst you, as I knew I had no other relations in the world. - -I have been in England above a month. The first thing I did was to go -down into Wiltshire, where I was soon informed that your father and -mother were dead, and that your brother was married and resided for the -most part in London; you, I was told, had been married and was a widow, -but I could learn no more about you. On my return to town I soon found -where your brother lived, and had the pleasure to hear a good character -of him; but I had determined to make my own experiment on him, and I did -intend, had he received me ever so kindly, to have made the same -experiment on you, before I disclosed my plot to either of you. - -I dressed myself in these old clothes on purpose, and what the success -of my scheme has been you know. Your brother, narrow hearted, inhuman -wretch, I blot forever from my thoughts: it will be the better for you, -though I have more than enough for you both. - -Your kindness, I tell you again, my valuable relation, I will repay an -hundred-fold. Accept of that bill in your hand for your present use. I -am sure you want it; and accept of it only as an earnest of my future -friendship towards you. That brother, in affluence himself, who could -see his sister, _such_ a sister want, must have lost all regard to ties -of blood, and 'tis no wonder that I, so much further removed in kindred, -met with such treatment at his hands. - -See, my Cecilia, what an amazing turn of fortune! What could I do but -lift up my eyes, as I did my heart, in silent adoration of that God, who -is a father to the fatherless, and defendeth the cause of the widow! - -It was some time before I could frame my mind to discourse on ordinary -subjects. I gratefully accepted my cousin's noble present. He enquired -minutely into my situation; there was no need of concealing any thing -from him, nor did I attempt it. He was very inquisitive as to my -brother's behaviour towards me. I told him the whole of it; he was even -bitter in his invectives against him, and Lady Sarah. But, said he, I -will have my revenge on them; I will make you triumph over him, and that -proud upstart his wife. What lodgings you are in my poor dear creature! -Is this your best room? I told him I had nothing but that and a -bed-chamber where the children and I lay, and a closet for my maid. He -desired to see the children, and I had them both brought it. He kissed -them tenderly; poor babes! you have a cursed uncle, but you have a very -good mamma, and I will take care of you all. - -I will dine with you to-morrow, said he; let us eat a comfortable morsel -together, and for your life not a word of what has past to any body. He -then took an affectionate leave of me and departed.--Let me here lay -down my pen and wonder at my fate! - -I have got into a flow of spirits, my dear. What scenes of happiness -might now open upon me, if happiness consisted in riches alone? but no, -no, it does not. My heart, broken by vexation, cannot recover its -tranquillity so soon. Yet is there room for joy, joy springing from a -rational, from a humane, from a commendable motive; and I will a little -indulge it. I can now in part return the vast obligation I owe Mr -Faulkland, as far as at least relates to pecuniary debts. I can now -repay many-fold the kindness of my good lady V----. I can provide for my -affectionate worthy Patty. I have the delightful prospect of giving my -children an education suitable to their birth; and, if my life is -prolonged, of seeing them honourably and happily settled in the world. I -shall have the glorious power of diffusing benefits! Oh, my dear, 'tis -good for me that I have been in trouble, it has so enlarged my charity, -that I feel transports which prosperity is a stranger to, at the bare -idea of having it in my power to succour the afflicted. Who would not -suffer adversity to have the heart so improved? - - - _February 11_ - -My new-found relation dined with me to-day according to promise. Patty -had provided two dishes of the best things in season, and dressed them -admirably; I need not tell you in what satisfaction Mr Warner and I -enjoyed our little chearful meal. He had sent me in the morning a hamper -of excellent wine, and seemed to relish his bottle with an extraordinary -good goust. - -When Patty had carried the children up stairs, and we were left alone, -he told me that he had been that morning looking out a house for me; you -must quit these lodgings directly, and submit a little to my management; -for I _will_ mortify your paltry brother and his wife. You shall have as -handsome a house as his, and better furnished too, or I'll know why. You -must know I mean to set you out like a dutchess, and you shall roll by -that worthless puppy's door in a better equipage than his minx is -carried in. But I do not intend to live with you as well as I love you; -for though I am an old weather-beaten fellow, you are young and -handsome, and the world I know is full of scandal. I shall therefore -content myself with a lodging some where in your neighbourhood, and come -and see you now and then. I thanked him for the prudence of his -consideration, but begged he would restrain his generosity, and suffer -me to live in that moderate state, which, if I had ever so much riches, -would be my choice. Don't oppose me coz, said he; pray don't. I _must_ -have my way in this, I have set my heart upon it. You shall _blaze_ for -a while at least; when I have had my revenge, you may live as you please -afterwards. I was unwilling to contradict him in his odd humour; yet was -very much afraid of the consequences of _blazing_, as he called it, all -at once. But dear Sir, said I what will the world think of my emerging -thus from obscurity into the splendour you talk of? though you do not -live with me, as I am still young, may it not give room for censure? -busy people will pry into the source from whence I draw my affluence, -and envy will not be backward in putting wrong constructions on an -appearance by which it will be so much excited. - -He listened, looking at me earnestly in the face; then nodding his head, -with a very grave countenance said, You are a sensible woman, coz, and I -commend your prudence, but I must have my will for all that. I could not -forbear smiling at his manner; and going on, if, said I, I were to enter -again into public life with a moderately genteel appearance only, -nobody's curiosity would be excited, as it might easily be supposed that -my brother had enabled me to support a decent figure in the world.--I -soon found that I had made use of a wrong argument, which put my friend -into a violent passion. A fiddle-stick for you and your brother too, -said he; do you think I will let that whelp have the credit of what _I_ -mean to do for you? no, no, set your heart at rest about that; what I -do, all the world shall know, and my reasons for it too. I'll have my -own way; there is no hurt I hope in providing for a near kinswoman, that -is left to starve by a still nearer relation. I make you my heir, look -you, and I will spread it all over the town. Is there any harm in that? -God knows I have no more ill in my heart than one of your children; but -I am a little resenting may be, so say no more of it. I found Mr Warner -was pretty positive, therefore thought it the wisest way to insist no -farther upon the argument; but told him I would submit intirely to his -discretion. It will be best for you, said he; consider me as your -father, and I will _be_ a father to you. He then told me that he had -been trying to get a house for me near my brother's, that I might _nose_ -him as he called it; but that as there were none empty in the square, he -had fixed on a very handsome one in an adjoining street. I did not like -the furniture, said he, so I ordered it out, and have bespoke new of an -upholder, who promises me, in a week or ten days at farthest, to have -every thing completely fitted up. In the mean time I can't bear to see -you in this sorry room; poor soul! how long have you been here? I told -him near four months, and that, with his permission, I would continue in -these lodgings till the house was ready, as it was not worth while to -change them for so short a time. Well, said he, you may do as you will -for that; I'll see that every thing is to your satisfaction. He took his -leave with an affectionate shake by the hand. - -How miraculous is all this, my dear! this messenger of good tidings, is -he not sent to me by providence? as I found he intended not to make a -secret of his designs in my favour, I was in haste to divulge the joyful -news to my friends. I have accordingly writ to my Lady V----, giving her -an account of the wonderful revolution in my affairs; and I intend, as -soon as I can fix upon some curious present worth her acceptance, to -make her a large return for her favours. I have also acquainted Mrs -Faulkland of the happy turn in my fortune, and I design a magnificent -present for her as soon as I have time to prepare it. To neither of -these ladies have I hinted at my brother's behaviour, either to myself, -or Mr Warner. I have made the good woman, with whom I lodge, stare -wonderfully at the relation. I could get nothing from her but -exclamations of astonishment, her hands and eyes lifted up, 'Good God! -Lord bless us! what strange things come about! what luck _some_ people -are born to! and this was your _own, own_ cousin that you never set eyes -on before? My goodness, what a swarthy gentleman he is! but tumbling in -gold, I warrant him. It would be long before such good fortune would -happen to me, though I have a cousin beyond seas too.' I could plainly -see that this poor woman envied my prosperity, though she tried to -congratulate me; but it is the less to be wondered at, as she knew not -that I was born to any better prospect, than that of working for my -bread in a two pair of stairs room. - - - _February 15_ - -I have not seen my honest kinsman these four days; but he sent me a note -to inform me that he was busy in seeing every thing put in order in my -new house; and that he abstained from visiting me out of _discretion_, -this word he marked, the more to impress his full meaning. He says I -shall not see any thing till all is ready, neither has he yet so much as -told me the street where I am to live. I find he _will_, as he himself -says, have his own way. - - - _February 22_ - -Now, my Cecilia, I may reasonably hope that my afflictions are at an -end: as far as wealth can promote felicity, that felicity is mine. - -I have just settled with my landlady, and having paid her for her -lodgings, made her a present, a little to reconcile her to my -prosperity, when a new chariot most superbly gilt stopped at my door; a -black and a white footman in rich laced liveries behind it. One of these -brought me a note from Mr Warner, who informed, me that he had sent my -_own_ equipage to carry me home, where I should find him waiting to -welcome me to my _own_ house. - -Patty seemed to have got wings to her feet; she flew up to me with the -welcome notice, and begged of me to observe from the window, that the -servants were in our own family livery; with this difference, that the -lace was silver instead of what we used to give. - -On expressing my surprise at this, Patty told me that Mr Warner had, at -his second visit, enquired of her, as she let him out, what liveries we -used to give, but bid her not mention it to me; which she said she would -not do, as she guessed he meant to surprise me. But this was not all, he -had been so minutely correct, as to have the Arnold arms in a lozenge -elegantly painted on the doors; what these were, he was at the pains of -informing himself elsewhere. My Patty almost frantick with joy hurried -the two children down stairs, and stuck them up in the chariot, telling -them both it was their own as she put them into it; but the poor babes -fell a crying, and were not to be pacified by the novelty or finery of -the thing till I came to them. She staid behind to send our little -baggage after us, and I drove to my new house in Pall-mall; where I -found my generous benefactor waiting, as he had promised, to receive -me. - -Oh my dear he is a princely man! such grandeur, such elegance! he led me -thro' every room, where wealth and magnificence were displayed even to -profusion. From top to bottom there is not the smallest article wanting -that luxury itself can imagine. The carpets, skreens, cabinets, and an -abundance of fine china, are beyond comparison more beautiful than any -thing of the kind I have ever seen. 'Tis but eleven days since my -kinsman mentioned his design to me, and you must believe he has been -indefatigable in his diligence, since he has left nothing for me to do, -but at once to take possession of this splendid mansion. All the -necessary domesticks are hired, and ready in their respective stations; -and I am already as much settled in a few hours, as if I had lived here -so many years. - -Mr Warner told me that as a trifle would not be sufficient to keep up -every thing in proportionable state about me, he intended to allow me -three thousand pounds a year. This appointment, said he, you are to -consider as your own property, and just call upon me as you would on -your steward. I am sure you will employ it well, you gave me a proof of -that in _your five shillings_. You need not be afraid of being too -profuse in your charities; when I die you will find yourself possessed -of the means of continuing them. - -Dear Sir, said I, long may you live to feel and rejoice in the blessings -which _your_ bounty will, through me, I hope, draw down on us both. I -leave you to enjoy yourself, said he; but I am impatient till your -brother knows what he has lost by his hard-heartedness. He cannot long -be ignorant of it, Sir, replied I; but indeed I flatter myself that he -is not quite so much to blame in regard to me, as we have both imagined. -You see he seemed to know nothing of my situation when you enquired -after me, and even threw out something like a reproach for my having -withdrawn myself without acquainting him where I was; I am very sure -lady Sarah never informed him of my having applied to her.--It was his -duty to have enquired you out, said he; did he not know you were poor? -He knew, said I, that my circumstances were very much streighten'd, but -he did not know _how_ much. Well, well, answered Mr Warner, it is good -in you to excuse him, but _I_ know him to be a narrow-hearted poltroon. -He took his leave, and said he would see me soon again, having taken -lodgings for himself in my neighbourhood. - - - _February 23_ - -I begin to doubt, my Cecilia, whether I am really awake or not! 'Tis -all enchantment! I am afraid my old kinsman is a wizard.... I have been -talking to, and examining my servants, to see if they are real living -people, or only phantoms; I look at, and handle the rich furniture of my -apartments to try if it be substantial!--'Tis all so--every thing -real--I beg my cousin's pardon for suspecting him of sorcery; I believe -he deals in no charms, but that all-powerful one--money. - -Now, my sister, what a spacious field is there opened before me! Three -thousand pounds a year! how many hearts will it be in my power to make -glad! and I will make many glad. - - 'O Lord God, who hast showered down thy blessings in abundance on - my head, vouchsafe me such a portion of thy grace, that I may - become an humble instrument of thy mercy, to those whom the rod of - adversity has laid in the dust. Teach me so to use this thy - bounteous favour, that _Thy_ honour, not _my_ worldly desires may - be promoted; that _Thy_ praise, not _my_ pride may be exalted. And - if, O Lord, thou hast chosen me to be the dispenser of thy - fatherly kindness to the afflicted that cry unto thee, quicken in - my heart such diligence, humility, and integrity, as may render me - not unworthy of the important trust. But if, O my God! thou has - sent riches only to be a trial of my strength, unsupported by - thee; be merciful, take them from me, and restore to me that - poverty, which first taught me to know myself.' - -Upon my knees I have poured out this prayer to the Almighty, and it is -the fervent wish of my soul that he would grant it. - - - _February 26_ - -You will smile, my dear, as I did, in pity of the meanness of poor Lady -Sarah; but proud people are always mean. I have been here but four days, -yet I find she has already heard of my metamorphosis. Indeed she could -hardly do otherwise, so near her as I am. Mr Warner has been very urgent -with me to drive out in my new chariot; this I readily complied with, as -both the children and I wanted air and exercise, and yesterday we drove -to Hyde-Park. I did not however go at the hour when there is most -company, but I conclude I was seen either by Lady Sarah herself, or by -some one who told her; for this morning, prodigious! she sent her woman -to me with a message. I had her called up stairs, and enquired very -civilly after my brother and his lady. - -She told me that Lady Sarah sent her humble service to me, and was very -much surprised that she had not heard from me in so long a time; that -she supposed I was gone out of town, but as Sir George seemed uneasy -that I never wrote to him, her ladyship had sent her to enquire for me -at my old lodgings in the Hay-Market, from whence she had been directed -to me here; and that she was ordered to tell me that her lady had talked -to my brother about the affair that I knew of, and that Sir George would -act agreeably to her request, if I would call or write a line to him. - -I found the woman had been instructed to feign an entire ignorance on -her lady's part of the change in my circumstances, but I was resolved to -let her see I had detected this paltry artifice. I could observe that -the servant, though she endeavoured to avoid it, eyed every thing in my -apartment with surprise and curiosity; and I concluded that Lady Sarah -had sent her for no other purpose, but to satisfy herself from her -maid's account, whether the report she had heard concerning me was true. -Tell your lady, said I, she needed not to have been at the pains of -framing such a message to have gratified her curiosity; my house is open -to any one who has a mind to look at it, even to Lady Sarah herself. You -shall see it all over, and may report to her ladyship what my cousin -Warner's bounty has done for me; and she may then judge whether I stand -in need of the assistance she now pretends to offer me. The woman looked -abashed, and though she seemed inclined to ask questions, was ashamed to -do so. This was that very servant who had so unceremoniously led me up -the back stairs when I went to visit her lady; but I appeared in a quite -different light to her now; I rang the bell, and ordered a footman to -_shew her the house_. She curtsied in silence, and withdrew. - -What a poor creature is Lady Sarah! Mr Warner called upon me before her -woman went away. I told him the whole passage. Oh! how he chuckled, and -rejoiced, shrugging his shoulders, and rubbing his hands! He wanted to -see the servant, but I was afraid he would be too strong in his insults, -and turned him from the point. - -He told me, he invited himself to dine with me; and accordingly he -favoured me with his company, and staid during the greatest part of the -evening. He is a man of a strong natural sense, though he is careless of -improving it. He has passed his life in business, and in acquiring -riches. He does not let me into the particulars of these, though he is -in other respects very communicative and entertaining. There is a -whimsical vein runs through his conversation. He now, for the first -time, desired me to give him the particulars of my life from my -childhood, which he had but a partial account of, at different times, -from myself. I took up the story at the earliest period of my life, -wherein any thing interesting had occurred, and traced every -circumstance minutely to the hour he first saw me. - -I could easily see that he had a tender sympathizing heart, for he was -moved to tears more than once during my relation; nor was he ashamed of -them, for he suffered them to run down his cheek, whilst he listened -with mute attention to my story. He praised Mr Faulkland highly, said he -was a man after his own heart, and deserved the best woman in the world. -I wish you had married him, said he, such a princely fellow deserves a -princely fortune. He owned my brother had some reason to be nettled at -my refusal of such a man. Our sex, said he, have not such _chimæra_ -notions as you women have; but still that does not excuse his -sordidness. - -I took this opportunity of telling Mr Warner that my brother did not -really know the very great distress I was in, and that I had reason to -believe, from the general tenor of Lady Sarah's character, that she had -either concealed it from him, or made misrepresentations of my case; -doubtless she had not informed him to what streights I was reduced -immediately upon my mother's death; and who knows but Sir George, having -left me for a while to feel the effects of that resentment, with which -he had threatened me in his last letter, still meant to shew himself a -brother; for if he were ignorant, as I am willing to believe, of that -particular which I have mentioned, he could not suppose that I was -driven to absolute want; and from Lady Sarah's insinuations, perhaps he -thought that my mother left a sum of money behind her. He knew not of -the illness that my children and I were visited with; and indeed it -appears to me, from what he hinted to yourself, that he was quite -unacquainted with my situation. - -To say the truth, Cecilia, as you know I am of a placable disposition, I -should be glad to be on good terms with my brother, the only relation -(my kinsman excepted) that I have in the world. I was willing therefore, -if possible, a little to reconcile Mr Warner to him; as I durst not, -without his permission, seek a reconciliation with Sir George. - -There _may_ be something in what you say, coz, answered my friend; -perhaps he had a mind to let you bite on the bridle for a while, and I -am willing to suppose with you, that hereafter, may be, he would have -given you some dirty trifle; for a generous thing I am sure he is not -capable of, from his sordidness to me. I found this stuck most with the -good man. Oh, Sir, said I, but consider Lady Sarah's influence stepped -in _there_ too. My brother, you acknowlege, _was_ going to give you -something, 'till she interposed.--Half a crown, I suppose, said he: To -say the truth, I believe she is the worst of the two. She has a great -deal of pride. Sir, answered I; she has communicated some of it to my -brother; probably he was mortified and disconcerted at the sight of so -near a relation, in his wife's presence, whose exteriour appearance -could do him no credit; perhaps, had you applied privately to him, he -would have behaved better. You have not much worldly wisdom, replied my -cousin, to excuse him thus; however, I think the better of you for it, -whatever I may do of him. But speak honestly now, don't you want to be -friends with Sir George, that he and his wife may have an opportunity of -seeing you in all your finery? As I knew Mr Warner's temper, I was -resolved to humour him in it, and thought I could not give my desire of -seeing my brother a better turn than this, to one of my kinsman's -disposition. To deal with you openly, Sir, said I, I think our triumph -over Lady Sarah will not be complete, unless she herself is a witness of -that high fortune, of which she might have been a partaker, had it not -been for her own meanness of spirit. And to be sincere with you, my -Cecilia, I did think Lady Sarah deserved this mortification, though it -did not so far influence me as to make me desirous of being on terms -with her: as for my brother, I was governed by no other motive than -affection towards him. - -Well, said Mr Warner, suppose you were to invite them both to dine with -you, and to have me at table, handsomely dressed out (for I can dress -fine when I please) and let them see that the man, who was not thought -worthy to sit down in their presence, they had better have used with -more ceremony. Oh, Sir, said I, that would be too severe an insult; -besides, I doubt whether my brother would come; you know he is angry -with me, and thinks he has reason. If you will permit me first to call -on my brother, when we are reconciled, I can afterwards ask both him and -his lady to my house; and though I am sure you have too much good nature -and politeness to shock them all at once, by violating the laws of -hospitality in this house, which your bounty has made mine, yet will you -have sufficient room for retaliation, by treating them, in your turn, -with neglect. - -Thou art a milkly thing, answered Mr Warner; but as I am willing to -please you, you may do as you like; but by--, and he swore a tremendous -oath, they shall never have a cross from me. - - - _February 27_ - -Having obtained Mr Warner's consent, I went this day to my brother. He -was not at home; but I was introduced to Lady Sarah, for whom I -enquired. Poor woman! how she looked! My resentment was disarmed; and I -felt nothing but pity. Her confusion was so great, she knew not how to -receive me; she curtsied, without knowing what to say, or how to behave. -I would not embarrass her too far, but taking a chair by her, As you -favoured me with a message yesterday, Lady Sarah, said I, in as obliging -a tone as I could speak, I thought it a sisterly duty to wait on you and -Sir George: I hope my brother is well, I long to see him, and flatter -myself he will forget all former coldness, and again be my brother. - -I spoke this long sentence on purpose to give her time to recover -herself. She rubbed her hand over her forehead, I believe to hide the -glow that was in her face from my first entrance: 'Lord, Mrs Arnold--I -am so surprized--this visit was so unexpected--I thought you were in the -country'--(her woman you know had been with me the day before, I passed -this by however) I have not been out of town at all, Madam, I was -detained by illness--'I am mighty sorry for it--I hope you are quite -recovered--pray, why did not you let me know you were ill?' As I had -heard nothing from you, Madam, after my first message, I was afraid that -the mediation, you were so kind as to promise me, had failed, and that -my brother's resentment was so great, he would not hear of me. - -'Oh dear, that is true indeed--it was a sad affair--I mentioned you to -your brother when he came to town; but he was in _such_ a passion, I -durst not name you to him again.' (She durst not name me, observe that, -my dear; poor George, whom she governs with despotic sway). Then -probably, Madam, my brother knew not _all_ my distress? I protest I -don't know--said she--you know your brother is very warm, and whenever I -attempted to speak of you, he always stopped me short--so--I don't know -how it was; but I never could get to tell him your situation--I should -think I had great reason to resent my brother's cruelty, Madam, said I, -if he had known those particulars of which my maid informed _you_, but -since he did not, I will not reproach him; neither will I accuse your -ladyship of unkindness in concealing them from him. My sufferings are, -thank God! at an end, and I am now come to offer you, and Sir George, -my sisterly love; I hope he will not refuse me his love in return, I -have nothing else now to ask for. She blushed again, and seemed in great -confusion; 'You are very good, Mrs Arnold, we must forget and -forgive.'--Shall I not be permitted to see my brother, Madam? By the -message I received from you, I was in hopes you had prevailed on -him--The _poor_ woman was now struck dumb. She felt for her snuff-box, -and _would_ not find it in her pocket; but got up to look for it to gain -a little time; rumaged her toilet, and at last, took it out of her -pocket; offered me a pinch of snuff, then sat down again. Why, that -message, to tell you the truth, said she (forcing a conscious silly -smile) your brother knew nothing of; but not having heard from you in so -long a time, I was resolved to enquire after you; and was determined -myself, out of my own pin-money, to allow you what I could spare, till I -could get Sir George in better temper; but I made use of his name -because I thought you would more readily accept of any thing from him -than from me. Your brother thought you were actually in the country, -till we were surprized with the account of the _wonderful_ fortune that -has come to you lately. 'Then you _had_ heard of it, Madam, interrupted -I, before you sent to me?' an untoward question, my dear; it plunged her -again in the mud, and she flounced and floundered to get out, which only -sunk her the deeper. We had heard a strange flying report, said she, of -which I did not believe a word, and therefore sent Holmes (that is her -woman's name) to you to offer you my service. - -I was not ill-natured enough, my Cecilia, to persist in embarrassing -this mean woman any farther, though the insincerity of her whole -behaviour, and the low falsities she had recourse to, very well deserved -reproof. I was glad to find my brother was not so culpable as he had at -first appeared; for I could easily discover from the whole tenor of her -discourse, she was so far from giving him any intimation of my distress, -that she had prevented him from enquiring after me, by telling him that -I was gone out of town; probably too with some aggravating -circumstances, either of a pretended neglect on my side towards them -both, or, perhaps, some other falshood still more injurious. It was very -apparent that she had sent her maid only as a spy, and, by way of -passport, with a sham offer of kindness, of which she knew I stood not -in need: and she depended on my pride and resentment so justly provoked, -for my never coming to any explanation either with her or my brother. No -wonder then she was so confounded at the sight of me, and the more so as -she apprehended I might reproach my brother, who could so well excuse -himself by pleading ignorance of my situation: and her conduct must then -appear so despicable to her husband, that hardy as she is, she would be -at a loss to justify it. - -All this being very obvious to me, I determined to make her easy at -once. I shall think no more of what is past, Lady Sarah, said I, I only -wish to be on terms of friendship with my brother and you; and since he -knows not of the message you sent to me, I will not mention it to him, -nor any thing else that can recall past unkindness. I hope this visit -will be taken as it is meant, out of pure affection, and that you, -Madam, will be so kind as to make my peace with my brother; whom I am -very sorry I was under a necessity of disobliging; but as I never did -offend him, and I am sure never should but in that one instance, wherein -_I_ was so much more nearly interested than himself, I hope he will -think no more of it; but restore me to a share of his love, which is all -that is now wanting to my happiness. - -This declaration (as I intended it should) entirely restored Lady -Sarah's tranquillity. Her countenance brightened up; I'll take upon me -to answer for Sir George, said she, that he _shall_ restore you to his -affection; I shall insist upon a general act of oblivion being passed on -his side, and I beg, sister, on your part, that you may not, by -reproaching your brother, revive the memory of your past coldness. - -The weakest people are often very cunning; this caution of Lady Sarah's, -artfully enough introduced, conveyed an obvious meaning to me, very -different from her pretended reason; she was afraid of an -eclaircissement. I promised her I should meet my brother, whenever he -would permit me, as if nothing had ever happened to disturb our -friendship. - -See, my dear, how this woman, do _durst_ not name me when I was poor, -took upon her now to _make_ her husband, whose anger had so much -intimidated her, subscribe intirely to her opinion: but I was now become -an object of attention; a finer house, and a finer equipage than her -ladyship's, gave me an indisputable title to that regard, to which, as a -_sister_, and in distress, I had not the least claim. - -She now ventured to ask me some particulars relating to the very -extraordinary change in my fortune. I satisfied her minutely, not -without mentioning the cause of Mr Warner's having made me the _sole_ -object of his bounty. Poor Lady Sarah could not conceal her vexation at -the thoughts of what she had lost by her ill-timed pride and parcimony. -A strange whimsical old mortal, she called him, to come upon them so -abruptly, and in such a scandalous garb, that Sir George was quite -ashamed of him. I am glad, however, Mrs Arnold, that he has made _you_ -the better for him; I hope he will continue his fondness; but such odd -humourists are not to be depended on. Don't tell him, however, what I -say; I should be glad to shew him any civility in my power, for his -kindness to you. - -I took my leave of her ladyship, with a cordial invitation to come and -see me; which she said she would not fail to do. - -Mr Warner called on me for a few minutes in the evening to know the -result of my visit, as I had told him I intended to make it. I related -every thing that had passed between Lady Sarah and me; he enjoyed her -confusion as I described it; with a triumphant satisfaction, which -nothing but a very strong resentment could have excited in so -good-natured a man, as he really seems to be. - -He has added to my store of china to-day (of which I have already an -abundance) a pair of most magnificent jars, above four feet high, which -he values at a hundred and fifty pounds; these, with an entire service -of the finest Nankeen china, and a most beautiful Persian carpet, I have -set apart as a present for Lady V----, and shall send them to her the -first opportunity. - -I have also got him to bespeak a set of jewels to the amount of fifteen -hundred pounds, with which I intend to present Mrs Faulkland. This sum -will not exceed my debt to Mr Faulkland, if his agreement with Pivet -stands in force for the term prescribed. - -Mr Warner, who mightily loves to be employed, has undertaken to get -these jewels made up for me in the most elegant taste. - -This man's generosity is as inexhaustible as his riches; I fancy he is -still some way concerned in trade, though he does not tell me so. These -jars he said he had just received by the arrival of an East-India ship, -and I understand that his former dealings were extremely extensive: all -over the world, he said, where there was commerce, he put in for his -share. - - - _February 29_ - -Lady Sarah has returned my visit; she was not slow you see in her -ceremony. _So_ obliging, _so_ polite; every thing praised, and admired; -and _sister_ at every second word, and the children caressed, _Arnold's_ -children. What a fine thing it is, my dear, to be independent! I shewed -her all my house; but not with ostentation. I thought it would have -looked affected not to have recommended so much wealth and elegance to -her notice. My sideboard she says is absolutely the handsomest she ever -saw; indeed both for workmanship and richness it does surpass any I have -seen. - -She told me she had talked to my brother and that though he still -resented my obstinacy, as _he_ called it, yet as I had made such -advances towards a reconciliation, he was very ready to meet me, and -desired every thing might be forgotten on my side, as it should be on -his. He would have come to see you, added Lady Sarah, but as he does not -chuse to meet Mr Warner, he would rather that the first interview -between you were at his own house. I told her ladyship I would breakfast -with her the next morning, and we parted upon wonderful courteous -terms.-- - - - _February 30_ - -Just returned from my brother's. Sir George received me with open arms, -and I returned the embrace with the utmost cordiality of affection. -Surely, my dear, there is something wonderfully powerful in the natural -affections; Sir George, spite of his resentment, his turbulence, and the -threats denounced against me, could not at sight of me, after an absence -of so many months, resist the first impulse of his heart, in giving me -strong tokens of brotherly love; though probably had he not seen me, the -latent tenderness might have lain for ever dormant in his heart. - -I entered immediately on the topic of my extraordinary acquisition, as I -was determined not to lead to a subject which might bring on -explanations so much dreaded by Lady Sarah; and I could observe that my -brother avoided any thing tending that way as much as I did. - -He congratulated me heartily on my good fortune, but said, between jest -and earnest, that if he could have divined his cousin Warner had come to -him to make experiments, he should have taken care to have treated him -better. But I don't know how it was, said he, he came in an evil hour; -and I was in an ill humour. - -Lady Sarah kept up the conversation with a great deal of vivacity; -always taking care to keep us clear of the rock she was afraid of, till -a lady, with whom she was engaged to go to an auction, called to take -her up. Sir George would fain have detained me, but she insisted on my -going with her, to have _my_ judgment she said on the things she -intended to buy. It appeared to me that she did not chuse to leave my -brother and me together, for fear mutual confidence (in the fullness of -our hearts) might have brought her disingenuous proceedings to light; -but cunning people often over-act their parts; she was so extremely -pressing, that my brother could not but take notice of it. I acquiesced -to avoid giving her uneasiness; having first engaged my brother to dine -with me on Friday. Lady Sarah and he both consented, but premised that -Mr Warner was not to be of the party; this I ventured to promise, as I -was resolved if Mr Warner invited himself, which is his usual way, to -put him off by fairly telling him the truth, and trusting to his -good-nature for the consequence. - - - _March 2_ - -After the trivial incidents of these last two days, my Cecilia, now -hasten to more interesting particulars. But first a word or two of my -cousin Warner. I had not seen him since the day that my brother and I -met, till this morning; when he called to ask me how I did, and to know -how the puppy George, as he calls him, had behaved to me. After having -satisfied himself in this enquiry, in a way the most favourable I could -for my brother, I told him that as I had really found both him, and his -lady extremely penitent and mortified, I had asked them to dine with me -that day. I am glad of it, said he (very quick) I'll be here to snoutch -them. Dear Sir, said I, for heaven's sake have a little compassion; you -cannot conceive how humbled they are; they dare not look you in the -face, and it was one of their conditions with me, before they would -consent to come, that they should not see you. Ho, ho, said he, -exultingly, have they changed their Note? Well, I will not distress you -so far in your own house, as to mortify them with my company at dinner, -but if I should take it in my head to drop in, in the afternoon, you -must not take it amiss. I only want to see them look a little like -fools. - -I could not venture to oppose him in this, but resolved to make it as -easy as possible by preparing my brother and sister for his visit. - -I told him that would do extremely well, and he went away rejoicing at -the thoughts of his intended triumph. - -Mr Warner had but just left me when I was surprized with a message that -Sir George was below. I went down to him directly, and seeing him in his -morning-dress, imagined that something had happened which prevented -their dining with me, and that he called to excuse himself; but he -undeceived me presently. As I had not an opportunity, said he, of asking -you any questions the other day, and shall be prevented probably in the -same manner this day, I am come to have an hour's chat with you before -dinner. And first pray inform me, Sidney, where you have lived ever -since my mother's death, and how it comes to pass that in all this time -you never took any notice of either Lady Sarah or me? As to your first -question, brother, it is easily answered, I have never been out of -London: for the rest, lest us avoid all retrospection, which can now -answer no end to either of us. - -You surprize me, said he, I understood you had been in the country; Lady -Sarah told me that you were gone to Lady V----. - -She was misinformed, I replied-- - -What was the meaning, then, said he, that you never called, or sent to -her? _She_ had no resentment to you, though _I_ had. - -Dear Sir George, ask me no more questions. I thought it had been -premised that we were not to talk of the past. - -I see, Sidney, answered he, there is something you have no mind to -explain; you know I love and respect my wife, and that I cannot easily -be brought to take any thing ill of her; but she was so extremely -earnest with me not to ask you any questions, that it made me suspect -there was something she had a mind to conceal from me. What confirms me -in this opinion is, that as I know you are ingenuous and open to -conviction you would have made me some apology for a neglect both of me -and Lady Sarah, which, you could not but suppose, offended me, if you -had not looked upon yourself as by much the most injured Person. - -You urge me very home, brother; I thought I was injured when you -disclaimed all relationship to me, if I did not comply in a certain -particular, which I was not at liberty to do. - -I _was_ very angry with you, said he, but should not have carried my -resentment any lengths after my mother's death, if you had made any -concession, or desired to throw yourself under my protection, instead of -a stranger's, for Lady V---- comparatively is one. I could not suppose -you were in immediate want of my assistance, as I understand my mother's -private purse was not inconsiderable, and to tell you the truth, I was -resolved till you did condescend to inform me of your situation, not to -give myself any pain about you. - -I can only tell you in two words, Sir George, that you have been -extremely misled in regard to me; I wish not to revive so disagreeable a -subject, pray say no more of it. - -But one word more, said he, just for my own satisfaction, and then I -have done: was Lady Sarah made acquainted with your circumstances? You -must have lived in miserable obscurity to be so long in London without -my knowlege. - -You love and respect your wife, brother; you must not take any thing ill -of her. - -I am answered he replied: He walked about the room, and I could see he -was ashamed and affected. - -You will make me very unhappy, Sir George, said I, if you resent any -thing on my account to your lady; she did not think perhaps that things -were quite so bad with me as they really were; but if she heard (which -by the way I knew was an invention of her own) that my mother left any -thing behind her, she was deceived, there really was nothing. But let us -call another subject.--When did you hear from Mr Faulkland? It is some -time since I have had a letter from his lady. - -His lady he repeated, and stamping with his foot, cursed be hour which -gave her that title! - -Dear Sir George, you shock me! how can you be so uncharitable, so -unchristian? - -If you know her as well as _I_ do, said he--and shook his head. - -You are so strong in your indignation against her, I replied, that you -almost make me suspect that you _do_ know more of her than I do; her -weakness in regard to Mr Faulkland excepted; I could never entertain an -ill thought of her; but you have raised a curiosity, which, though I -tremble to have it gratified, yet I must beg you to speak out. - -Do not think me malicious, Sidney, said he, a woman's reputation is too -sacred a thing to be trifled with; if her weakness, as you call it, had -been confined to Mr Faulkland, _hers_ should be so with me: but I cannot -think with temper on the sacrifice that noble fellow has been forced to -make to caprice. - -Dear brother, explain yourself, you terrify me. - -My heat on this occasion, he answered, would be unjustifiable, if I had -not _proof_ for what I say; Miss Burchell, for I will not call her by my -friend's name, is that monster, a female libertine, a rake in the worst -sense of the word. - -Monstrous! cried I, your prejudice makes you believe every cruel tale -you may have heard.-- - -_Heard_, he interrupted with an indignant smile, the d--l's in it if I -have not more than hear-say for my knowledge. - -Lord! brother, you make me shudder, what do you mean? - -He replied, you will not believe me perhaps when I tell you that _I_ am -as much obliged to Miss Burchell's favour, as Mr Faulkland was. - -If Sir George had plunged a dagger in my heart, I could not have felt a -sharper pang. He saw me struck with amazement and grief. - -I knew it would shock you, said he, but you extorted the secret from me; -for a secret it has, and ever should have remained, but in my own -justification you compelled me to disclose it. - -You know, said he, that from the first I never considered Faulkland's -engagement to her, as a serious one, nor in any shape binding: this -judgment I formed without knowing any thing of the woman, but from -Faulkland's own representation of the fact; tho' to say the truth, he -always spoke of her with more tenderness than she deserved, and imputing -her frailty to her love of him, was, as most men are apt to do on such -occasions, disposed to judge favourably of her. The first time I saw her -was at Sidney-castle; that time when my mother invited her, and when, -you may remember, I went down there in compliment to my mother. I own I -thought her extremely agreeable, which was alone sufficient, to make me -a little more than barely polite; but my mother's extraordinary -attachment to her, engaged me to go still farther, and to oblige her, I -was more than ordinarily attentive to please Miss Burchell. When I -assure you upon my honour that I had no farther views, I believe you -will not doubt my veracity; but whether Miss Burchell mistook my -civilities for fondness, or whether, as I rather believe, her natural -disposition was so loose that every man she saw lighted up a flame in -her heart, I know not; but certain it was, she made me such advances -that I must have been extremely stupid not to have understood her, and -absolutely frozen to have repelled her. - -My good mother's unsuspecting temper permitted us too many -opportunities, and the light ones of your sex do not easily forgive the -neglect of those. - -In short Miss Burchell yielded to the impetuosity of her wishes, and I -followed her lead, more through vacancy, and a want of better -employment, than out of inclination. I was very glad when she was -recalled home, for I was heartily wearied of her. The day before she -left Sidney castle, when we were alone, she said to me, I have too great -a reliance on your honour, to suppose you capable of injuring my -reputation by ever divulging what has passed between us; I am easy -therefore on that head. But there is one circumstance on which you must -give me the most solemn promise that is in your power to make, without -which I shall be the most unhappy creature in the world. I know there is -a friendship between you and Mr Faulkland, and I am not ignorant that -you men in your unreserved moments of confidence, do not scruple to -disclose such secrets as I have trusted you with; I do not fear your -imprudence with regard to any one else; but it is of the utmost -importance to me that _He_ in particular should never know what my -tenderness for you has led me into. You know I have a son by him; he has -hitherto provided liberally for the child's maintenance; and to let you -into a secret, which nobody besides must know, I myself am indebted to -him for the principal part of my support; though he, as well as the rest -of the world, believe that I have a fortune. Now though I do not -entertain the least hope, nor indeed wish, ever to be Mr Faulkland's -wife, yet would it be of terrible consequence to me to forfeit his -regard, which you may naturally suppose would be the case if he were to -come to the knowlege of what has happened. He has given me to understand -by his house-keeper that when he comes to England he will provide for -me; the woman hinted something like a design of his making a handsome -establishment for any worthy man of whom I should make choice; -insinuating at the same time that this depended on my conduct. I have no -thoughts of marrying, but as mine and my child's future welfare must be -chiefly owing to Mr Faulkland, you see the necessity there is for my -preserving his good opinion. For this reason then, my dear Sir George, -you must swear to me that you will never betray me to him. - -The reasons were so plausible, and the request so natural, that I made -no scruple of giving her a solemn oath to preserve the secret inviolable -from Mr Faulkland's knowledge; for so she herself worded the promise she -urged me to make: in regard to any one else, she said she was satisfied -all assurances were needless. - -You see, continued my brother that by this declaration she laid me under -a double tye of secrecy. As I had no conception that Faulkland could -ever be brought to think of marrying her, I thought myself bound not to -injure her in his opinion: and therefore religiously kept my promise. -Faulkland was not then in England, but when returned, and came to visit -me at Sidney-castle, just at the time you parted from your husband, he -spoke of Miss Burchell in a manner, which though it convinced me he had -a regard for her, and wished to see her happy, yet was it far from -alarming me on his account; I therefore should have thought it the -highest baseness and cruelty to have hurt her in his esteem. - -I never have had the least intercourse, either by letter, or otherwise, -with Miss Burchell, since we parted. I make no doubt but she has -dispensed her favours wherever her inclination has led her, and you see -she has had the good fortune to keep all her amours secret. But what -hope can there be that such a profligate will keep her faith to _one_ -man, though that man is the most amiable in the world. - -Oh brother, what a scene of iniquity have you disclosed! I would to -Heaven you had kept the horrid secret to yourself, or divulged it time -enough to have prevented the misery into which I, unhappy that I am! -have precipitated your friend. But I ought not to blame you, you acted -agreeably to the dictates of honour. Detestable woman! I cried in the -bitterness of my heart. I do not wonder at her cautioning me against -letting you into my design of urging Mr Faulkland to marry her; I then -little knew the reason you had for the opposition she said you would -give to this fatal match: every thing fell out to her wish, and -coincided to promote her successful guilt.--Your absence from London, -mine, and my mother's urgency, and the too generous yielding of our dear -unhappy Faulkland. I burst into tears--my heart was torn with anguish, -and in that instant my tenderness for him revived. Sir George strove not -to comfort me. He was too much affected himself. - -I have but one hope, said I, and that is in the extraordinary love she -has for Mr Faulkland, and his uncommon merit, which may probably ensure -to him the continuance of it. - -You know not what you say, answered my brother; the merit of an angel -could not secure the fidelity of such a heart as her's. Her love is -gross; a new object will always have charms for her. Had I been as -credulous as Faulkland, I should have thought myself the idol of her -soul, so lavish was she in her expressions of tenderness. - -Is it not strange though, I asked, that with so loose a mind, she should -have so long preserved an attachment to Mr Faulkland? for most certainly -her affection to _him_ has at least been sincere. - -Her affection to his estate, answered my brother, has, I believe, all -along been sincere: Do you not know she is a beggar? - -I told him, in this she had imposed on him, to answer her own ends, in -engaging him the more firmly to keep her secret; for to my knowledge, -she has seven thousand pounds, as I was informed by Lady V----, who knew -her circumstances. - -Sir George vented two or three curses on her head. I am not surprized at -any instance of her falshood, said he; she is made up of deceit. Such -characters as her's are not uncommon; but none of them ever fell in your -way before, and I hope never will again. If you will look back on her -whole conduct, however it may surprize you, you will find there is -nothing inconsistent in it. She is only a sly rake in petticoats, of -which there are numbers, that you good women would stare at, if you knew -their behaviour. She considers men just as the libertines of our sex do -women. She likes for the present; she seduces; her inclinations cool -towards an old lover, and are warmed again by a new face. She retained -not Faulkland long enough to grow tired of him, and therefore possibly -still preserved some tenderness for him; indeed his uncommon attractions -must have made an impression even on _her_ heart; but this did not -hinder her from indulging her inclinations elsewhere. You must throw -into the account too that she had by accident got a sort of hold on him, -of which, by my mother's indulgence, and some other concurring -circumstances, she hoped one day or other to avail herself. With so -pretty a person as she has, and the fortune you tell me she is mistress -of, do you think she could have failed of marrying creditably, if that -had been her view? No, no she meant not to confine herself. Her passion -for Faulkland, whether real or pretended, gave a colour to her -preserving that liberty, in the licentious use of which she placed her -happiness: nor would she in the end have confined herself within the -bounds of marriage, if an immense fortune had not sweetened the -restraint. - -I pray heaven it may, answered I; 'tis all we have now to trust to. You -have given me an idea of a character, which I thought was not in the -female world. - -I own, replied Sir George, I live in perpetual fears of her relapsing -into vice. A woman without principle, Sidney, is not to be relied on. -Love (if in such a breast it can merit that name) even towards the most -deserving object, is never permanent. Fear, and even shame, are subdued -by repeated crimes; what hold then remains? Interest alone (where that -happens to interfere;) but if detection can be avoided, even that can -have do farther influence. - -Sir George took his leave of me, in order to go home to dress; but I was -not to say a word of his morning visit, so that I found I needed not to -be under any apprehensions of reproaching Lady Sarah with her behaviour -towards me; for he meant not to let her know he was informed of it. So -much the better; I should be extremely sorry to be the occasion of any -difference between them. - -They came at the appointed hour; I entertained them magnificently; and -we were all harmony and good humour. When dinner was over, I told them, -they must not be surprized, if we should have a visit from our West -Indian relation, in the evening, for that it was very probable he would -call, and if I should be denied, he would never forgive me, as he -possibly might find it out. Lady Sarah looked frightened, and said she -would not stay; but Sir George declared he would arm himself with a few -bumpers, and stand his ground. - -I affected to treat the interview with pleasantry and reconciled them -both to it; for I was really apprehensive that Mr Warner would take it -very ill, and think I betrayed him, if I let them escape. I supposed -too, that after he had indulged himself in a short triumph, all would be -over, and they might afterwards meet on better terms. - -In less than half an hour, we heard a loud rap; Lady Sarah turned pale; -Sir George laughed at her, but was himself a little disconcerted. The -parlour door flew open--a footman entered--Mr Warner--and in stalked my -kinsman, with a very stately tread. He was dressed out, I assure you. A -large well powdered wig, tied with a rose; a suit of the finest -cinamon-coloured cloth, and over it a surtout of the richest mohair and -silk, with gold frogs; and a fine clouded cane, with a gold head; silk -stockings of the same colour with his coat; a fine lace-cravat, his hat -under his arm. He really looked very gentleman-like, and venerable; for -he appears older than he is. - -He glanced his eyes with a supercilious scorn, over my brother and -sister, who stood up at his entrance, and making up directly to me, -saluted me, and took his place by me. A short silence ensued, which was -broken by my asking Mr Warner to drink a glass of wine. I could almost -have smiled at the embarrassment of my brother and Lady Sarah; the old -gentleman enjoyed it, and looked at them both, but as if he knew -neither. My brother had recourse to the bottle, he drank my health, and -civilly enough bowed to Mr Warner, just pronouncing the word Sir!--the -other scarce returned it by a slight inclination of his head. - -At last, addressing himself to me, cousin, if you have no aversion to -tobacco, I should be glad if you would indulge me with a pipe; 'tis my -custom after dinner, but I have not smoaked yet. - -As I had never observed him to do this, when he had dined with me -before, I took it for granted the compliment was meant for Lady Sarah. - -I said _I_ had no objection, and referred myself by a bow to Lady Sarah. - -She made no reply, and my kinsman, without seeming to mind any one -else, rang the bell, saying, if _you_ don't dislike it, there is no more -to be said. The black, whom he had given me, presenting himself at the -door, Mr Warner desired him to step to his lodgings for his pipe and -some tobacco. The man quickly returned with a long japaned reed, with a -boll fixed at the end of it. Mr Warner called for a lighted taper, and -throwing himself back in his chair with one leg crossed over the other, -lighted his pipe with much composure, puffing large clouds of -smoak-a-cross Lady Sarah's nose, who sat at his right-hand. My sister, -who had really an unaffected aversion to tobacco, could not bear this; -she coughed excessively, and, with tears in her eyes, rose off her -chair, and retired to the other end of the room. My old gentleman -laughed till he weezed, nodding his head after her, and looking at me, -as much as to say, I am glad I have sent her off. - -Sir George, though determined not to be put out of humour, thought this -was going too far; I was really uneasy myself, and hardly knew how to -act; for if I shewed any mark of distinction to Lady Sarah, I knew it -would be construed by Mr Warner as an affront to him. I ventured, -however, to tell her that if she would step into the drawing-room, I -should order coffee, and wait on her immediately. - -Ay, said my brother, approaching his lady, and taking her by the hand, -let us get out of this horrid atmosphere that this honest gentleman has -raised about us. The honest gentleman vouchsafed not to look at him, and -my brother and sister withdrew into the adjoining room. - -As soon as they were gone, Mr Warner threw down his pipe, and striking -the table with his clenched fist, burst into a loud laugh. Lord, Lord! -said he, pride _will_ have a fall. I think I have brought them down a -little; how like asses they both looked! Well, now I am satisfied--I -have had my revenge, you may go and drink your coffee with them, I'll -bid you good-by. - -He immediately withdrew, and I joined my brother and sister, who were -heartily rejoiced that they had got rid of him. - -Sir George said, he saw his design, but was resolved not to give an -opportunity for insults, and so held his tongue. As he is your friend, -Sidney, said he, I would not distress you by engaging you as a party on -either side, which must have been the case; for that old fellow would -not have suffered you to remain neutral. - -I told him our kinsman was whimsical, but that as he was now thoroughly -satisfied at having paid them in kind, I was sure he would never again -seek to give them any offence, and they ought to forgive him by the law -of retaliation. - -They laughed at the singularity of his manner, and the whole passed off -in mirth: though Lady Sarah declared he had made her quite sick with his -nauseous tobacco. - - - _March 3_ - -The ridiculous scene, my Cecilia, for a while called off my thoughts -from the melancholy subject which is now nearest my heart, I mean the -shocking account which Sir George gave me of Mrs--, can I bear to call -her--Faulkland! but it now recurs to me with all its horrors. Oh, my -dear, what a fatal wretch have I been to Mr Faulkland! my best purposes, -by some unseen power, are perverted from their ends. I wonder the food -which I take to nourish me is not converted into poison when I touch it. -But I will calm my troubled mind with this reflexion, that I _meant_ not -to do evil. Mr Faulkland, ignorant of his own misfortune, may (as -hundreds of others in the same situation are) still be happy, if that -light creature has but a single grain of honour or gratitude. I will not -think of it--anticipating as you used to call me, I will banish the -hateful idea from my mind. - - - _March 12_ - -What do you think, my Cecilia? Mrs Gerrarde has eloped from her husband, -and is now at Paris in quality of mistress to a young nobleman who -maintains her in vast splendour. I had this news in a letter from Mrs -Faulkland to-day. - -Poor Pivet wrote his master an account of it. You know the agreement to -pay this young man an annual sum was conditional. Upon Mr Arnold's -death, Pivet tired of the termagant spirit, and intolerable coquetry of -his wife, was very glad to relax his discipline; and declared, were he -to have had a thousand a year, he would not undertake to keep her within -bounds; and that nothing but his great respect for Mr Faulkland could -have engaged him in the task so long. He acknowleges that he is very -glad to be rid of her, and as Mr Faulkland enabled him to set up very -handsomely in his business, I really think he is happy in his loss. - - - _March 14_ - -I have been deeply affected, my Cecilia, within these two days. If it -had not been in my power to relieve the distress I have been a witness -to, how unhappy would it have made me! - -I was stepping out of my chariot yesterday morning, when a young woman -who stood at my door, in an old linnen gown, presented to me a little -band-box, open and filled with artificial flowers; she spoke not, but -the silent anguish in her looks drew my attention. She seemed about -eighteen, and very pretty. As an appearance of industry I think doubles -the claim which the poor have to our compassion, I took out of her box a -small sprig of jessamin, very naturally imitated, and asked the young -woman if she made those flowers herself. - -She modestly replied, she did. And cannot you, child, said I, find any -one who would give you constant employment in this way to prevent your -wandering about in the streets to dispose of your work? - -She answered, Yes, Madam, but I have a poor decrepid father in jail, who -cannot be without my assistance. I live with him, and only come out once -a week to sell my flowers. I might go to service, but he would die if I -were to leave him. Her gentle speech, her youth, and the unaffected -tender sorrow that appeared in her face, when she spoke of her father, -touched me to the heart. - -I bade her come in, and taking her into the parlour, was desirous to ask -her some questions. - -You look, said I, as if you had not been bred in poverty; pray what is -your father? - -She blushed, and with down-cast eyes replied, A clergyman, Madam. - -A clergyman, I repeated, what misfortunes (for such I must suppose they -were) drove him to the distressed situation you mention? - -It _was_ a misfortune, Madam, and not any crime, answered the girl, with -tears in her eyes; my father is as good a man as ever was born. - -I asked his name, and she told me it was Price. - -My curiosity was excited by her manner. I desired her to sit down, and -relate to me the particulars of her story. - -She obeyed with a sensible politeness that pleased me. - -About twelve years ago, said she, my father had a little cure in -Berkshire; he was reckoned a fine preacher and a very great scholar, and -what was more than either, one of the best of men. In the parish to -which my father belonged, lived a gentleman of a very great estate, his -name was Ware; he was himself a very worthy man, and had so high an -opinion of my father, that he pitched upon him to go abroad in quality -of governor to his only son, then a youth of about nineteen. As my -father had travelled in the same capacity once before, he was very well -qualified for the employment; and had no objection to the acceptance of -it but his leaving my mother, of whom he was very fond, and me his only -child, then scarcely more than an infant. The elder Mr Ware assured him -he would be a friend and guardian to us both (and so he was) and that he -would, in his absence, allow us double the income which my father -received from his cure. - -This, together with the appointment, which he was to receive as his -son's governor was too handsome an offer to be refused, especially as -the gentleman promised he should never want a patron in him while he -lived; and every body knew he had interest enough to make this promise -of consequence. My father was then past fifty, but as he was of a very -healthy strong constitution, he did not think it too late to undertake, -for the good of his family, what he said was a very troublesome task. - -I could not help interrupting the young gentlewoman to ask her how it -came to pass that her father, such a man as she represented him to be, -was no better provided for at this time of life, especially as she said -he had before been intrusted with the care of a pupil, whom I presumed -to be a person of fortune, as scarce any others are sent to travel. - -She said, he had a small patrimony of his own, and that his original -design was to study physic; but being persuaded by the love he bore a -young gentleman, to whom he was private tutor at the university, to go -abroad with him, he had for some years, while they continued on their -travels, been obliged to decline this study. When he had brought his -pupil safe back to England, he intended to pursue it, and for this -purpose was preparing to go to Leyden; but the gentleman, who really had -an affection for him, declared he could not part with him; and that if -he would consent to stay and take holy orders, he would get him a living -which was in his father's gift (a nobleman then alive,) as soon as it -should become vacant, of which there was a good prospect, on account of -the age of the incumbent; and that in the mean time he should live with -him. As the young gentleman had been married immediately after his -return from his travels to a lady of vast fortune, and was settled with -a family of his own about him, my father who fondly loved him, did not -disrelish the proposal; and without much difficulty consented to it. He -now laid aside the thoughts of physic, and turned his attention to the -study of divinity; nor was he in haste for the promised living's being -vacated, as he was resolved not to take orders till he was properly -qualified for the holy profession he was now destined to. He continued -thus four years with his young patron; the gentleman who possessed the -living, though very sickly still holding it. - -My father then being inclined to go into orders, his friend got him -nominated to a cure in town, the duties of which he constantly performed -for two years, still living with his benefactor: but it was his -misfortune then to lose him. He was drowned in crossing a deep water on -horse-back which he thought was fordable. My poor father had now lost, -as it proved, his only friend; though he then lamented him as a son he -loved; and I have heard him say he was more afflicted for his death, -than his real father was. - -As that nobleman was well acquainted with his son's intentions in regard -to his tutor, my father had no doubts of his fulfilling them, especially -as he had given his promise to do so. About this time the curate of the -parish in Berkshire which I mentioned to you before, having a mind to -make an exchange for one in London where all his friends lived, proposed -it to my father who had been at college with him. As he had now no -attachment in town, and preferred a country life, he readily agreed to -the change; and having first waited on the father of his late friend to -remind him of his promise, which he again confirmed, he went down to -Berkshire. Here it was he fell in love with my mother, who was the -daughter of the rector whose cure he served; she liked him, and as her -father looked upon him as a man certain of preferment, and every way -esteemable in his character, he did not scruple to give her to him. - -In a few months after their marriage, the incumbent of the long-promised -living died. - -My father immediately waited on the nobleman, so sure of success that he -thought he should have nothing to do but to thank him for it; but that -Lord told him with a pretended concern, that he had disposed of it, -having heard that my father was well provided for in Berkshire, and had -married a lady of great fortune. - -He returned home shocked and disappointed, more on account of the family -he had married into, than on his own. He now found himself at near forty -years of age, with a family coming on him, and no other provision than a -curacy of forty pounds a year. My grandfather pretended he had been -deceived by him, and made that excuse for withdrawing all his favour -from him. My mother had children pretty fast, but they all died young -excepting myself; and as he loved her too well to let her feel the -inconvenience of streightened circumstances, he was content to let his -own little patrimony, which he had preserved till now, gradually waste; -for my grandfather never gave her any fortune. At his death, which -happened a few years after, it appeared he could not, for he left but -little behind him. In this situation, my father having lost all hopes of -being better provided for, with the melancholy reflexion of having -thrown away the best part of his days in a fruitless attendance and -expectation, dragged on a life of obscurity and toil for eleven years; -and then it was that Mr Ware applied to him in the manner I have -mentioned. - -I told this amiable girl, I was glad I had interrupted the thread of her -story, as by that means she had obliged me with so many interesting -particulars of her family, and then requested she would proceed. She -bowed with a pretty modest grace, and went on. - -I informed you, Madam, that my father, having accepted of the tuition of -Mr Ware's son, prepared to attend him on his travels. He took his leave -very reluctantly of my poor mother and me, whom he tenderly recommended -to Mr Ware's patronage, and set out with the young gentleman, having -given up his cure, as his absence was to be of a long continuance. - -Mr Ware, who was a truly good man, was punctual in the performance of -his promise towards my mother and me, and behaved while my father was -away like a second parent. His son continued abroad upwards of four -years, and returned a very accomplished gentleman. - -Mr Ware was exceedingly pleased with my father's conduct, for which he -told him both his son and himself owed him the utmost gratitude. He was -now far advanced in years, and grown indolent from infirmities, he -thought it better to be himself the rewarder of my father's merit, than -take upon him the trouble of soliciting other people to provide for him; -and accordingly resolved to give him an annual income of two hundred -pounds during his life. He told him, at the same that as his estate was -entailed, it was not in his power to confirm this grant by a will; but -he was sure his son was too sensible of what he owed him, not to promise -in the most solemn manner to continue to him this income, when he should -come into his inheritance. The young gentleman, who was present, -handsomely acknowleged the obligations he had to my father, and assured -him he thought he could never sufficiently repay them. - -My father, who now wished for nothing more than to sit down peacably on -a competency, thought himself very happy; he retired to his little house -in Berkshire, where my mother and I still lived, and gave himself up to -domestic contentment. - -The old gentleman was punctual to his agreement, constantly paying my -father fifty pounds every quarter. He died in something less than three -years; his son immediately on his accession to his fortune, being at -that time in London, wrote my father a very affectionate letter, -assuring him of the continuance of his friendship. Nor did he fail in -his promise; for two years he was punctual in his remittances to my -father. He did not during that time come down to Berkshire, having -another country-seat, of which he was fonder. At this time I lost my -dear mother, who had been for some years in a declining way; and though -during her health, as she was an exceedingly good oeconomist, my -father might have laid by some of his income, yet the frequent journies -she was prescribed to Bath, and other places, for change of air, -together with the expence of physicians at home, put it out of his power -to save any thing: which on my account gave him great uneasiness; but as -he was still strong and hale, he was in hopes he might yet live to lay -by something for me. I was now about fifteen, and the darling of my -father's heart. He was inconsolable for my mother's death, but I -endeavoured to comfort him, and at last in some measure succeeded. Mr -Ware, whom my father had not seen since the death of the good old -gentleman, came down now to revisit his paternal seat. He would not omit -paying a visit of condolement to his old friend and tutor, and -accordingly came to our house the day after his arrival in the country. -Though I had seen him before, as it was in my childhood, I had taken but -little notice of him; he is indeed a handsome genteel young man. - -The innocent girl blushed as she spoke these words, but I seemed not to -observe it. - -She proceeded with a sigh. My father who loved him, was rejoiced to see -him; Mr Ware behaved with a tenderness and respect almost filial towards -him, and very obliging to me. He continued about a week in the country, -calling to ask my father how he did every day. When he was about to -return to London, he pressed my father to pass a few weeks with him in -town: you are melancholy here, said he, changing the scene a little, -will divert both your daughter and you. - -My father thanked him for the honour he did him, but modestly declined -it. - -Mr Ware guessed at his motive, and told him, smiling, I know your -objection, but to obviate it at once, I must tell you that I have -prevailed on my sister to come and keep house for me, and I expect to -find her at home on my return. I knew his sister, a maiden lady some -years older than himself, who had on the death of his father gone to -live with a near relation of theirs. My father smiling in his turn, told -him he had guessed his mind rightly, and since that was the case, he -would not deprive his poor girl (looking at me) of the happiness of the -good lady's company for a while. - -Mr Ware said, we might go to town with him in his coach, and as we had -but little preparation to make, we set out with him next day. - -When we arrived at his house in London, he welcomed us with all the -marks of politeness and respect. I was surprized we did not see his -sister the whole night, but as she was not apprized of our coming, I -thought that either she was abroad, or had not yet quitted her friend -with whom she lived. - -The next morning at breakfast Mr Ware made an apology for his sister's -absence. He said, that the lady, at whose house she lived, was ill, and -that she could not possibly leave her till she was better, which he -supposed would be in a few days, as her sickness was no other than the -consequence of her lying-in; mean while he hoped Mr Price would not be -uneasy, as he was himself his daughter's guardian. - -Though my father was not pleased at this excuse, he however concealed -his thoughts from Mr Ware; but told me if Miss Ware did not come home in -a few days, he purposed that we should take our leave and return into -the country. - -We had very handsome apartments assigned us; and my father was put in -possession of Mr Ware's library; a very noble one, where that gentleman -knew he would pass his most agreeable hours. - -For my part as I did not care to go abroad, 'till I had a proper person -for me to appear with, I declined the offer Mr Ware very obligingly made -of getting some ladies of his acquaintance to take me to public places. -I expected his sister every day, and if she came, as I knew my father -purposed staying for a month, I thought I should have time enough to see -every thing; so I chose to entertain myself with working, and reading in -my own room. - -But, Madam, I soon found that Mr Ware was a very base man. The third day -after we came to his house, his behaviour towards me began to change -intirely from what it was before; he took every opportunity of being -particular to me in his compliments. I received them at first with that -distant civility which I thought would neither encourage nor offend; I -looked upon him as a worthy young man, and my father's friend and -benefactor; and thought in my humble station I should not be too quick -at taking exceptions, as there had nothing as yet appeared in his -behaviour which exceeded the bounds of respect: but he did not preserve -this long; on the fifth day he came into a closet where I was reading, -and there in the warmest manner declared himself my lover. I would fain -have turned his discourse into pleasantry, but he had recourse to oaths -and protestations, and swore he could not live without my favour. I -represented the cruelty of the insult he offered me in his own house, -and begged he would leave me, as I was determined to depart immediately. -I will not, Sir, said I, let my father know the unkind return you have -made for all his care of you, but I can easily prevail with him to leave -your house. He fell at my feet, begged my pardon, and talked all that -sort of stuff which I have read in romances. At length I got him out of -the closet, and locked the door; resolving never to sit alone, without -using the same precaution while we staid in his house, which I hoped -would not be above a day or two longer; for I concluded there was no -sister to come, and that this was only made use of as a snare to draw us -to town. - -As I had a mind to try the young girl, I asked her, How came you to -receive Mr Ware's addresses in the manner you mentioned? how did you -know but he intended to marry you? - -Ah no, Madam, said she, I could not entertain such a thought; I have not -troubled you with the particulars of what he said to me, but young as I -was, I knew too well what it tended to; besides the fear he shewed lest -my father should know of his pretended courtship, was enough to convince -me what his designs were, without any thing else to guide me. - -Did you like him, I asked? The ingenuous young woman blushed. - -I _could_ have liked him. Madam, she replied, better than any body I had -ever seen, if there had not been such a distance between us. I desired -her to proceed. - -I told my father that same evening, that as I saw there was no -likelihood of the lady's coming to her brother; and as I led but a -melancholy life, having no woman to converse with, I had much rather be -at home amongst my neighbours and acquaintance, and begged he would -return to Berkshire. - -My father said, it was what he had determined on after completing our -week in town, unless Miss Ware came in the interim; I have just told our -friend so, said he; he seems to take it unkindly, and says he is afraid -he has disobliged me; but I assured him my only reason was, that I did -not think the house of a handsome young batchelor, a proper place for a -pretty little country girl, even though her old father was with her. He -assures me his sister will come, and wants to protract our stay a few -days longer; I hardly know how to refuse his entreaties, but I shall be -uneasy till we are at home. - -I told my father, Mr Ware had too much sense to take his refusal amiss, -and begged of him to stick to his day. - -I gave Mr Ware no opportunity of speaking to me the remainder of that -day, nor all the next; though he came to my closet door where I always -sat, and entreated for admission; but I was peremptory in my denial, and -he went away reproaching me with cruelty. - -Mr Ware made an apology to my father, on account of his being obliged to -spend the evening abroad, the first time that he had been absent from us -since we came to his house. He had twice entertained us with a very -agreeable concert, at which there was a great deal of company, both -gentlemen and ladies. He had got it performed at his own house, on -purpose to amuse my father, who was a great lover of music; but -excepting those two mornings, I had never seen any company with him, as -he said he would not invite strangers, 'till I had got a companion of my -own sex to keep me in countenance. My father and I supped alone; we were -to go out of town the next day, and we retired to our respective -chambers about eleven o'clock, in order to go to bed. - -The poor girl paused at this part of her story, as if she were ashamed -to proceed. - -I hope, said I, Mr Ware did not violate the laws of hospitality, by -intruding on you that night. Oh, Madam, he did, he did, said she; the -vile wretch hid himself somewhere, I know not where, for it was not in -my closet. The house-keeper slept in my room, in a little tent-bed, -which had been put up for that purpose; but she was not as yet come up -stairs. The chamber-maid, who had attended me to my room, told me there -was to be a great deal of company to dine with her master the next day, -and as the house-keeper was very busy in making jellies and pastry, she -was afraid she should sit up late, and hoped I should not be disturbed -at her coming into the room. I always dismissed the maid immediately, as -I was not used to have a person undress me. I went to bed, but not being -a very sound sleeper, and knowing a particularity I had, which was, that -if once rouzed, I could not compose myself to rest again, I resolved not -to attempt it at all 'till the house-keeper came to bed. I placed the -candle on a stand near me, and took up a book that I found on a chair, -by my bed-side, which I had been reading in the evening. I had been -about an hour thus employed, when I heard somebody treading softly in -the room: as I had not heard the door open, I called out, in a fright, -to know who was there. I received no answer; but immediately Mr Ware -presented himself, on his knees, at my bed-side, and half leaning on my -bed. I shrieked out; I knew not what he said, but I remember the most -wicked of men held me fast, and talked a great deal; I continued -shrieking incessantly, and struggling to get loose from him, which at -last I did, by giving a violent spring, which threw me out of bed on the -floor. - -I had hurt myself sadly by the fall; but dragging the quilt off the bed -after me, I wrapped it about me and shrieked louder than before. The -vile man tried to pacify me, and said I should disturb my father. - -Providentially for me, my dear father had not gone to bed, for his room -was a great way from mine, but was reading in the study, which was over -my bed-chamber. He had heard my shrieks from the first, but, little -dreaming it was his poor daughter's voice, he imagined the noise was in -the street, and had lifted up the sash, and looked out to try whence it -proceeded. Finding every thing quiet without doors, he ran down stairs, -and was led, by my cries, into my room, for my vile persecutor had not -locked the door, very well knowing none of his own people could dare to -molest him, and he did not think my cries would have reached my father's -ears, as indeed they would not, if he had gone to bed. Think, Madam, -what my poor father must feel, when he saw me on the floor (for I was -not able to rise) such a spectacle of horror; my cap was off, and my -nose bleeding with the fall. - -The wretch was endeavouring to lift me up, and I trying to resist him. -Good God defend me! said my father, what is this I see? Oh, Sir, said I, -clinging round him, carry me out of the house! carry me out directly -from this monster! my father looked aghast. You do not mean Mr Ware, my -child, said he, it cannot be _He_ who has put you in this condition? Mr -Ware quitted the room the minute he saw my father, which was not till I -catched hold of him: for he had his back to the door, and, I suppose, -was in too much agitation to hear him coming in. - -My poor father, speechless with astonishment, took me into his arms, and -put me sitting on the bed; then stepping into my closet, brought out a -bottle of water, some of which he made me drink, and afterwards washed -the blood from my face, which he soon found only proceeded from my -having hurt my nose a little. - -When I had recovered breath enough, I told him all that had passed. His -despair, Madam, is not to be described; he tore his hair, and was like a -madman. Where is the ungrateful villain, said he? I will go this minute -and upbraid him with his treachery; he ran to the chamber-door, but it -was locked on the outside. My father thus prevented from going out, had -time to cool a little: he considered it would to be no purpose to -reproach a powerful tyrant with the injuries he did us; he resolved to -quit the inhospitable house as soon as any one in the family was up to -open the door to him, and without ever seeing his face again, commit -himself to providence for his future subsistence. - -It would have been happy for us if he could have executed this design; -but the profligate man prevented us. We spent the remainder of the night -in lamenting our misery. At day-light Mr Ware entered the room in his -night-gown, for I suppose he had gone to rest after he left us. - -He told my father he was sorry for what had passed, and imputed it to -his having drunk too much. I own, said he, I love your daughter to -distraction, and could not bear the thoughts of losing her, as I found -you resolved to go out of town so suddenly. My father answered, I will -not reproach you as I ought, but my tender care of your youth did not -deserve this return: suffer us to depart out of your house, and you -shall never more be troubled with us. - -Mr Ware entreated to speak with my father by himself, and with much -difficulty prevailed on him to go into his study with him. They staid -together near half an hour, and I heard them talking high; my father -then entered my room with tears streaming from his eyes. He threw -himself into a chair in an agony of grief. The villain, said he, has -finished his work--he has stabbed your father's heart--I ran to him -almost frantic; I thought he had made an attempt upon his life. When I -found he was not hurt, I asked him the meaning of his words. - -He would have me _sell_ you to him, said he; he would have bribed the -father to prostitute his child. Oh, Sir, said I, why, do we stay under -this detested roof? There is no safety for us here, said he, come, my -dear, let us get out of the house, and then we will consider which way -we are to turn ourselves. - -My father laid hold of my hand, and I followed him, just as I was in my -morning gown. We thought if we could once find ourselves in the street, -we should be happy, though neither of us knew where to go, having no -acquaintance in London. I had never been there before, and my father had -been so long absent, that he was forgotten by every body. - -We got out of my room into a little sort of anti-chamber, but found the -door of that fast locked. - -We now gave ourselves up for lost; our despair is not to be expressed: -we sat down, and consulted what was best to be done. I saw now that -there was nothing that our base persecutor would not attempt, and I told -my father I was resolved at all events to make my escape. - -He said that the shocking wretch had given him till the next day to -consider of his proposal; and he hoped, by that time, both father and -daughter would come enough to their senses, to think he had made them a -very advantageous offer. - -I told him in that lucky interval I hoped to be able to affect my -deliverance; which I thought I might accomplish, with his assistance, by -tying the sheets of my bed together, and so from the window, sliding -into the street. - -We were both pleased with this expedient; but the next thing to be -considered was, what place I should go to, as I could not make this -attempt till late at night, and must go alone; for my father being in -years, and pretty corpulent, I could not think of letting him run the -same hazard, which might have put his life into imminent danger, -especially as I could not give him the same help which he could afford -me. This was a difficulty, till I recollected a mantua-maker, who was -then making some clothes for me; and I happened to know where she lived. -To her house I resolved to go (having first settled all my previous -steps) and to remain concealed there till my father should get an -opportunity of coming to me. I told him as _I_ was the unhappy object on -whom Mr Ware had designs, I supposed he would not detain my father after -I was gone. He shook his head, but said, he hoped he would not. - -Having now settled our little plan, we were more composed. A servant -brought breakfast into my apartment at the usual hour, and dinner, and -supper, in the like manner. We did not appear, troubled, but as -carefully avoided seeming chearful, for fear of giving suspicion. - -The house-keeper was generally the last person up in the family; so that -I was either to seize the opportunity before she came up to my room, or -wait till she was asleep. The last I thought was the securest method, as -she was an extremely sound sleeper. I lifted up the sash in the -bed-chamber, to be in readiness, and closed the shutters again. - -Very fortunately my father having received his quarterly payment from Mr -Ware just before we came to town, had fifty guineas in his purse, half -of which he insisted on my taking in case of any emergency. - -About twelve o'clock the house-keeper came into the room where we were -sitting, as she was obliged to pass through that to go to the room where -we lay. - -We heard her at the door, and my father suddenly changing the subject of -our discourse, made me a sign which I understood; and as the woman -entered, affected to be representing to me the charms of wealth and -grandeur, whilst I seemed to listen, with a sort of pleasure to him. He -stopped when the woman came in, but not till he was sure she had heard -what he said, for we observed that she staid at the outside of the door -a little while, as if to listen to our conversation. On seeing us -engaged in discourse, she made a motion to withdraw, saying she would -come up again when Mr Price was retired to rest; but I told her she -might if she pleased, then go to bed, as we should not sit up long. But -as I suppose she had orders to lock me in after my father had left me, -she did not chuse to do this. She said she was not sleepy, but would -come up in half an hour, and left the room smiling. - -This was an opportunity which I thought was not to be lost. I repaired -to the window, and hearing a watchman cry the hour, I waited till he -came under it, and having prepared a piece of paper, in which I had put -a weight to carry it down, I lighted it and dropped it at his feet; it -was fastened to a string, and at some distance from it above, was -fastened another large piece of white paper folded up, in which I put a -guinea, and in two lines written in a large plain hand, beseeched him to -assist me in getting down, for which I would reward him with another -guinea. - -The lighted paper (as I concluded it would) attracted the man's notice, -he stopped and took it up, and finding another paper hanging to the -string, looked up at the window. I leaned my body out as far as I could, -and, in a low voice, but loud enough for him to hear me, bid him read -it. He opened the paper, and, by the light of his own lantern, read the -lines, at the same time taking out the guineas, which I could perceive -he also examined by the same light. He then said, I'll help you, stay a -little. - -He made what haste he could away, and I was now afraid he intended to -leave me, and return no more. My terror was inexpressible during the -man's absence, especially as several people in that interval passed by; -however, he soon returned with a companion; and the street being now -clear, I saw he had brought a sort of plank, or board, under his arm, -which he fixed from the iron pallisados a-cross to the stone-work which -jutted out from the bottom of the lower windows, on this he without -difficulty mounted, and being now much nearer to me, he told me he would -receive me, if I could contrive to get down to him. - -My poor father hastily kissed, and blessed me, and having my apparatus -ready for descending, he had the farther precaution to fix some strong -ribbons, which I had tied together for the purpose under my arms; these -he held in his hands, whilst I slid down by the sheets which I had -fastened together corner-ways with a knot. - -The trusty watchman caught me in his arms, and lifted me over the -pallisados, to his comrade, who set me safely down in the street. - -It was very dark, but I could distinguish when my father drew in the -linen, and heard him shut the window. I then told my deliverer that I -must beg a farther act of kindness from him, which was to see me safe to -the street where I wanted to go. - -He readily complied, and leaving it to his comrade to carry away the -plank, took me under the arm, and we got without being molested to the -mantua-maker's house. The family were all in bed; when after repeated -knocking, a maid looked out of an upper window, and asked us what we -wanted. I told her an acquaintance of her mistress had urgent business -with her, and begged she would step down and speak to me from the -parlour window. After keeping me a long while waiting, she at length -came down, I then gave the watchman the other guinea I had promised him, -and dismissed him, very well pleased with his night's adventure. - -After he was gone, I told the woman my name, and begged she would let me -come in, which she immediately did. I without scruple acquainted her -with the manner of my escape, and the occasion of it; she was shocked -and affected with my story, and promised to keep me concealed till my -father should come to carry me to some place of greater safety; for she -said, as Mr Ware's house-keeper was her acquaintance I might be -discovered at her house. - -This terrified me exceedingly, but the good-natured woman gave me the -most solemn assurances that I should be safe for the short time she -supposed I should stay with her. She invited me to part of her bed, as -she told me she had never a spare one, and I readily accepted of her -offer. - -I remained all the next day in the utmost grief and anxiety, at hearing -nothing from my poor father. In the evening of the second day, a porter -brought a letter to the mantua-maker, which served only as a cover for a -note directed to me. Seeing it writ in my father's hand, I eagerly -opened it; but oh, Madam, how shall I tell you my grief, and horror, -when I saw it dated from a prison! My poor father told me, that our -cruel persecutor, enraged at my escape, had charged my father with it, -who immediately acknowleged he had assisted in delivering me from ruin; -that Mr Ware, after treating him with the most injurious language, -demanded payment of him for the sums he said he had lent him from time -to time since his father's death. - -To this my father making no other reply, than that Mr Ware knew he had -it not in his power to refund any of that money, which, though it was a -free gift, he would restore sooner than lie under any obligation to such -a base man, the villain was barbarous enough to have him arrested, and -sent to jail, where he said he should remain till his stubborn spirit -should be glad to yield up his daughter to him. - -My father desired me to come to him directly, and to bring some body -with me to protect me by the way. I instantly obeyed, and sending for a -hackney coach, the mantua-maker got her husband, a decent tradesman, and -his apprentice to accompany me. We drove directly to my poor father's -melancholy habitation, where they delivered me safe into his hands. His -joy at seeing me again, made him for a while forget the sorrows which -surrounded us. - -He told me that after he had seen me get safe into the street, and had -recommended me to the care of providence, he had put every thing out of -the way which had assisted me in my escape; and putting out one of the -candles left it in my room, that the house-keeper, when she come up, -might suppose me in bed; he then went to his own. He concluded that the -woman, when she went into my room, supposed me asleep. Mr Ware was at -home the whole evening, and had before that retired to rest, so that -there was no discovery made that night. - -My father now informed me that Mr Ware had said, when he first made the -odious proposal to him, that if I complied, he would allow my father -four hundred pounds a year, and settle the like sum upon me for life; at -the same time, in case of refusal, insinuating the threat which he -afterwards put into execution. Thinking, no doubt, he should by this -intimidate my poor father so much, that upon reflexion he would use his -endeavours to prevail on me to comply; and it was for this wicked -purpose he was permitted, or rather compelled to pass the whole day with -me. I would not, added my father relate this particular to you, for fear -your tenderness to me might shake your virtue; but the trial God be -praised! is now past; you are here my poor child at least in safety. We -have some money to support us for a while, perhaps the wicked wretch may -relent. If he gives me my liberty I may still obtain a livelihood; and -if I can get you received into some worthy family, that will protect you -from his violence, I shall be contented. - -My father, unwilling to expose his ungrateful pupil, and thinking when -he cooled a little he would be ashamed of his conduct and release him, -resolved not to apprise any of his friends in Berkshire of his -situation; but wrote a long expostulatory letter to Mr Ware, which he -concluded with requesting no other favour but his liberty. - -To this, Mr Ware wrote in answer, that he was still ready to make good -his first proposals, and since he now found that he had got his daughter -with him, he should obtain his liberty on no other terms. - -My father still loath to believe him so lost to humanity as to persist -in this barbarous resolution, patiently waited another month; at the end -of which he again wrote him a very affecting letter; but to this he -received no answer, being told Mr Ware was gone into Berkshire. He wrote -to two or three gentlemen of his acquaintance there, informing them of -his deplorable situation, and begging them to use their influence with -Mr Ware on his behalf. He did not disclose the enormity of his -behaviour, but only said, that on a quarrel he had with him, he had -confined him under colour of a debt, which it was not in his power to -discharge; this he did as much in tenderness to Mr Ware's character, as -to avoid exasperating him more against him. - -He ordered me at the same time to write to an old maid-servant, who took -care of our little house in the country, to send me my clothes, my -father's books, and such other things as belonged to him. As I had come -to town but for a month, and was in deep mourning for my mother, I had -left the best part of my apparel behind me, and I had taken nothing with -me from Mr Ware's but a little bundle of linnen; my father had been -permitted to carry his with him to the prison. - -As the furniture in this little house was of no great value, my father -having purchased it as it stood in the house of the former curate, he -made a present of it to the old servant, who had lived with him from the -time he married. - -He received no answer to any of the letters he wrote to the gentlemen; -but I got a letter from this old servant, at the same time that she sent -the things which I wrote for. And you will scarce believe, Madam, to -what a height this abandoned wretch carried his crimes. - -Not contented with having plunged my poor father and me into the deepest -distress, he endeavoured to blast and destroy our characters in the -country. He gave out that my father, taking advantage of his (Mr Ware's) -being a little overcome with wine one night, had put his daughter to bed -to him, and would have insisted the next day that he had married them. -To punish the ungrateful designing old rogue, he said he had put him -into jail where he intended to keep him a month or two till he repented. - -Though the respectable character my father bore in his neighbourhood -made this story incredible, yet Mr Ware's power and influence was such, -that people seemed to believe it, and applauded Mr Ware's clemency in my -father's punishment. No wonder then his letters were unanswered; they -were shewn to Mr Ware, and laughed at. The old servant, who was sure we -were both cruelly belied, lamented our unhappy fate, but poor creature -she could do nothing _but_ lament. This last blow quite subdued my -father's courage; he fell sick upon it, and languished many weeks in a -most melancholy condition. - -When he recovered a little from his sickness, he was suddenly struck -with the dead palsey on one side, by which he lost the use of his right -hand; so that I am obliged to dress and undress him like a child. - -When the money which we had brought with us to the prison was spent, we -were obliged to sell most of my father's books, and the best of my -clothes. - -We had repeated messages from the merciless man, by his vile -house-keeper, who used all her rhetoric to persuade us to compliance; -but my father constantly repulsed her, with contempt and indignation; -'till at length Mr Ware, tired, I believe, with persecuting us, left us -to perish in peace. He supposed my father could not hold out long; and -he then concluded I should be at his mercy; for as I never stirred out -of the jail, he had no hopes of getting me into his power whilst my poor -father lived. - -If I had even a place of refuge to go to, I could not think of leaving -him in the wretched hopeless condition to which he was now reduced. I -thought therefore of applying myself to something, by which I could -obtain bread for our support. I set about making those little artificial -flowers, which had formerly been one of my amusements; and a woman, who -was confined in the same prison with us, and worked for some shops, -undertook to dispose of them for me. She had a daughter, who came often -to see her, and used to carry her work and mine to the people who -bespoke it. - -In this manner we have languished, Madam, near eighteen months; when -hearing lately that Mr Ware was gone to Bath, and the girl who used to -visit her mother being sick, I ventured out myself with the work. The -person who employs us did live in the city; but has lately taken a shop -in this street; and though it is a journey from what I now call my -dismal home, I have come to her once a week, for this month past, with -the product of my own, and, I may say, my fellow prisoner's labours. She -told me this day she was overstocked with such flowers as I brought her, -and, having picked out a few of the best of them, she left those, which -you see in my band-box, upon my hands. I was returning home very -disconsolate, when, to avoid your chariot, which drew up close to the -house, I stood up on one of your steps, not knowing it was going to -stop; and something in your countenance, Madam, I know not how, -encouraged me to offer my little ware to you. - -I have given you this affecting story, my Cecilia, pretty nearly in the -girl's own words. I was much moved by it. If this be all fact, said I, -what monsters are there among mankind! - -She replied, It was all very true. - -Though the girl was very young, and, as I told you, had a modest and -ingenuous look, yet as I had seen such cheating faces before, I would -not yield up my belief implicitly. This story might be invented to move -compassion, at least, the most material circumstances of it; and though -I could not suppose she had contrived it on the spot, yet I did not know -but it might have been contrived for her. - -I have a mind to see your father, child, said I. - -She answered, quite composed, Then, Madam, you will see an object, that -would greatly move your pity. - -She rose up as she spoke this, saying, her poor father would be very -uneasy at her staying so long, and was preparing to go. - -I was seized with a strong inclination to visit this unhappy father -directly. If, said I, the case be as she represents it, I cannot be too -speedy in my relief; and, if she has falsified in any thing, I shall -probably detect her, by not giving her an opportunity of seeing and -preparing him first. - -It was not more than eleven o'clock; and I resolved not to defer the -charity I intended. I desired the young woman to stay a while, and -ordering Patty to bring down a plain black silk hood and scarf of her -own, I made the poor girl, to her great astonishment, put them on. I -then ordered a hackney coach to be called, and said, I would go with her -to her father. She looked surprized, but not startled, which made a -favourable impression on me. She appeared decent, and I desired her to -get into the coach, which I ordered, according to her direction, to -drive to the jail, where her father was confined. - -When we arrived at this mansion of horror, for so it appeared to me, I -let her go up stairs before me. She stopped at a door, and said that was -the room where her father lay. I bid her go in first; she entered, and I -stood without-side the door, where (as the lobby was dark) I could not -readily be perceived. - -I saw there a man of about sixty; and as she had told me her father was -corpulent, I did not at first take him to be the person, for he looked -worn out, pale, and emaciated. He wore his own grisled hair, and had on -a cassock, girded about him with silk sash. One of his hands was slung -in a black crape; he sat pensively, leaning on a table, with a book open -before him, which seemed to be the Bible. - -Upon his daughter's going into the room, he lifted up his eyes to see -who it was: he had a fine countenance; candour and sincerity were -painted on it. - -My dear, you made a long stay, said he, in a melancholy voice, I was -afraid something had happened to you. What has detained you? - -Oh, Sir, said she, looking towards the door, I believe I met with a good -angel, who is come to visit you in prison. - -I entered at these words: the venerable man rose.--A good angel indeed, -if her mind be like her face! He bowed respectfully. - -Pray, Sir, keep your seat. - -I took a chair, and placed myself by him. He did not seem in the least -embarrassed, but gravely and modestly demanded to what it was that he -owed the honour of a visit from a lady of my appearance; for, said he, -affluence and prosperity seldom seek the dwellings of the wretched. - -I informed him, that, having met with his daughter by accident, she had -given me a melancholy account of his situation, and that I wished to -hear the particulars from his own mouth. He made an apology for the -length of his story; but said, if I had patience, he would relate it. I -told him, I had come for that purpose. - -He then repeated to me every particular, as I had before heard them from -his daughter, enlarging on certain passages, which she had but slightly -touched upon. He shewed me copies of his two letters to Mr Ware, and -that gentleman's answer to the first, as also the old servant's letter -to his daughter, which convinced me of the truth of every thing he had -said. - -I asked Mr Price, what Mr Ware's demand on him might amount to? - -He said, four hundred pounds, which was what he had received from him, -since his father's death. - -Take courage, Sir, said I, you shall not long remain here. - -Ah! Madam, cried he, may God be the rewarder of your goodness! but my -enemy is a hardened man; he is not to be influenced by honour or virtue. - -I perceived by this that the poor gentleman had no thought of my paying -his debt, but supposed I would endeavour to soften Mr Ware on his -account. Have a little patience, said I, and we will try what is to be -done. - -I requested he would give me Mr Ware's letter, wherein he promised to -make good his first proposal, if he would consent to yield up his -daughter to him. - -I took my leave, and slipped my purse, which had ten guineas in it, into -his daughter's hand as I went down stairs. - -As soon as I returned home, I sent for Mr Warner, and related to him -circumstantially the distresses of this worthy father and child. His -honest indignation burst forth against the base betrayer of them both; -honest I must call it, though he vented his wrath in oaths and -execrations on his head. - -These are proper objects, said I, to exercise our humanity on; I mean to -pay his debt, and make the remnant of his days comfortable. You are a -good girl, said, he, you know my purse is open to you. - -Oh, Sir, said I, there is no need to tax your generosity upon this -occasion, the two thousand pounds you so lately gave me is but little -diminished. Psha, psha, said he, I gave you that to make ducks and -drakes of; it is not to go into the account; you know your quarter's -income is commenced, you may have what you will. - -I begged he would immediately write to Mr Ware, who is now at Bath, and -make him a tender of his money, that we might get the poor man -discharged from confinement as soon as possible. - -I gave him that vile fellow's letter, and advised him to let him know -that he was acquainted with the whole truth of the story; which, -perhaps, might frighten him into better terms than insisting on his -whole demand. - -Mr Warner said, there was a merchant of his acquaintance at Bristol, to -whom he would write immediately, and order him to pay the money -directly, if it was insisted on. He said, he knew his friend would -readily undertake the thing, and execute it as soon as possible. - -He called for pen, ink, and paper, and wrote before me the following -letter to his correspondent, which, as he left it with me to seal, and -send it to the post-office, I first copied. - - 'Dear Sir, - - 'I beg immediately on the receipt of this, you will take the - trouble of riding to Bath, and there enquire for a man of fortune, - one Ware, who is the greatest villain in England, and you may tell - him I say so. He has kept a poor honest clergyman starving in jail - this year and a half, because he would not sell his daughter to - him. He pretends the parson owes him four hundred pounds, which is - a lie; for though he received that sum from him, it was paid him - for value received by agreement. However, as the man can have no - redress, I request you would immediately tender him that sum, and - get a discharge, for I will have the poor fellow out. - - I herewith send you inclosed a letter which that scoundrel Ware - wrote; pray shew it to him, as a token that the parson's case is - known, and that he has got friends to stand by him. - - Your speedy execution of this affair, and answer, will oblige, - - 'Your friend and servant, - 'EDWARD WARNER.' - - - To Mr William Blow, - merchant, at Bristol. - - London, March 14, 1707-8. - - -My honest kinsman desired I would immediately send this letter off. I -suppose his correspondent will have more discretion than to let Mr Ware -see the contents, but I hope we shall have a good account of this -negotiation. - - - _March 22_ - -I have been very impatient, my Cecilia, for an answer to Mr Warner's odd -letter, and this day he received one. His friend at Bristol I take it -for granted acted very prudently, for he says, that having _waited_ on -Mr Ware (which word Mr Warner took great exceptions to) he acquainted -him with his commission, and at the same time produced his letter to Mr -Price by way of identifying the person, as Mr Ware at first seemed not -to recollect any thing of the matter. He said, Mr Ware blushed upon -seeing his own letter, in the hands of a stranger; Aye, I remember the -silly affair now, said he; the man is an old hypocrite, and his daughter -is a young one; but as I never meant to ruin him, I will forgive him the -debt; and accordingly wrote a full acquittal, which the merchant -transmitted with his answer. - -Nothing now remained but to pay the usual fees, and get the poor old -gentleman out as fast as we could. Mr Warner undertook to do what was -proper on the occasion, and instantly set out it with an alacrity that -shewed the goodness of his heart. - -How wonderfully shame operates on some minds! this wretched man, Ware, -whom neither the laws of God nor man could restrain, has, by this single -passion alone, been subdued. He found his base conduct was known by -people whom he could not impose on; and his forgiving the pretended -debt, no doubt, was meant as a bribe to prevent his disgrace from being -propagated: for though he could sit down and enjoy himself under the -accumulated guilt of fraud, perfidy, cruelty, oppression, and -ingratitude; he was not proof against the reproach and ridicule of the -world. This shews at least that he was not long practised in crimes of -this sort. - - - _March 24_ - -I did not see Mr Warner again till this morning, when he entered my room -making flourishes with his hands. Mr Price and his daughter were with -him--Here they are for you, said he, and it has done my heart good to -deliver such honest people from their misery. - -The good old man poured forth such fervent prayers, and thanks for my -goodness towards them, that my heart exulted with rapture, at being the -means of conferring such happiness, as this worthy parent and child -seemed to enjoy. The young girl's gratitude was silent, but not less -ardent than her father's. She had kneeled down before me, and kissed my -hands. I was greatly touched with the humility and tenderness of her -acknowlegement. - -I put an end to the grateful effusions of these honest hearts. I have -done but little for you, said I, as yet; as Mr Ware had the grace to -refuse the offered sum, I shall apply that money which I intended for -him to your future use, or your liberty will avail you but little. - -We shall think of some method of settling you comfortably for life; in -the mean while your daughter and you shall be welcome to live with me. - -I stopped him from renewing his thanks, and insisted on his saying no -more on that subject. The poor old gentleman is extremely feeble and -languishing from his long confinement, but I hope with proper care, as -he is naturally strong, he will recover his health. - - - _April 1_ - -What true delight springs from benevolent actions, my dear! I never -expected such heart-felt satisfaction as I have received from restoring -comfort to these truly deserving people. I have bought the young lady -some new clothes, plain, but genteel; and you cannot imagine what a -pretty creature she is, now she is dressed. I find the old gentleman a -man of admirable understanding, and great reading. He has a simplicity -in his manner that is truly engaging, but at the same time a politeness -that shews he is no stranger to the great world. Of his integrity he has -given convincing proofs. Praised be the Lord! who has made me, and -honest Mr Warner, the instruments of delivering such a man from the -depths of affliction. He mends apace in his health, but I am afraid he -will never recover the use of his hand; though, as it is not painful, it -seems not to give him any uneasiness.-- - - - _April 10_ - -I am infinitely charmed with the conversation of this couple; for the -girl is very sensible, and prettily accomplished. I wish she were -married to some honest man that knew her value; for I find she has still -terrors on Mr Ware's account, nor is her father without his -apprehensions. - -He said to me to-day, if I were to die, Madam, I would conjure you as -my last request to take my daughter into your service. With such a -pattern before her she must be virtuous, and with such a protector I am -sure she would be safe. - -I told him he might rely on me, but that I hoped he would live long -enough to see her happily disposed of in marriage. - -If I could see that day, said he, I should then have no other worldly -care to disturb me. - -Here, my dearest Cecilia, I will close my very long narrative. The -pacquet is already swelled to an enormous size, but you never think them -too large. - - - _May 14_ - -After so many trifles, my dear, as my journal for nearly a month past -contained, you will be glad of something a little more serious. I -mentioned in my last week's journal, that I had cast my eyes on a young -man, who I thought would make a suitable match for Miss Price, if he -were approved of by her, and her father. This person is a linen-draper -in the Strand, a second brother of my Patty's. You can't have forgot -Harry Main, my dear, whom we both knew as a boy, remarkable for his -sober behaviour, modesty, and sweetness of temper. He is just now out of -his time, and his eldest brother has set him up in a handsome shop. You -may be sure I am his customer. 'Tis on this lad then that I have turned -my thoughts, as a fit husband for the amiable girl. I went yesterday -morning to buy some linen for Miss Price, and carried her with me, as I -had done once or twice before. After we made our markets, I told young -Main, with a freedom which a long acquaintance gave me, that I thought -he was so well settled, he wanted nothing but a good wife to complete -his happiness. He replied, he should think himself very happy if he -could light on some good young woman as a partner for life. Why do you -not look out for one, said I? They are not so hard to be come at. I -believe, Madam, he answered, I must get some one else to do it for me, -my friends laugh at me and say I am too bashful to speak for myself, but -I fancy were I to meet with a person that really touched my heart, I -should make a shift to find courage enough to tell her so. - -And have you never yet seen such a person, said I? He blushed, and by an -involuntary motion his eyes were turned on Miss Price, of whom I -concluded his sister Patty, as she often visits him, had given him the -history. He said if I commanded him to tell his secret, I should know it -another time. - -This was enough; I asked in a jocose way, would he take a wife of my -chusing? Sooner than of any body's in the world, Madam, he replied. - -We took our leave, and I asked Patty when I went home, whether she had -ever mentioned any thing about Miss Price to her brother? Poor Patty -coloured for fear she had committed a fault, but owned directly she had -told him every circumstance of her story; her brother having been very -inquisitive about her, from the first time he had seen her with me; and -added, that she believed he was down-right in love with her. - -I told her if Miss Price liked her brother, and her father did not -disapprove the match, I saw no reason why they might not make each other -happy, as I should give Miss Price a fortune worth a young man's -acceptance. - -Patty said, she was sure her brother would rejoice at the offer, and -that she herself could not wish him to make a better choice. - -It only remained now to know how the young lady herself stood affected -towards him. I put Patty (for whom Miss Price had conceived a great -affection) upon this task. I thought she would speak her mind with less -reserve to her, as I feared the obligation she thought herself under to -me, might have such an influence on her gratitude, as to prevent that -freedom which I wished her to use; for I was resolved not to put the -least shadow of constraint on her inclinations. - -Patty succeeded so well, that without seeming to have any design in it, -she drew a confession from Miss Price very much in her brother's favour. - -Being now sure that the young people liked each other, I thought I might -open my design to the old gentleman, which I did in few words. How the -good man was delighted with the happy prospect which his -deservedly-beloved daughter had before her! he has left the affair -intirely to me, so that I hope to have the girl disposed of very much to -all our satisfaction. - - - _May 18_ - -I am charmed with Mr Warner's noble behaviour. I claim an interest, said -he, in these honest creatures that you have taken under your protection. -I like the old fellow mightily, and admire the little girl so much, -that, if you had not provided a better husband for her, I should have -been half tempted to have taken her myself; but since it is as it is, -we must do handsomely by her. - -I told him I had enquired into the young man's circumstances, and found -that about a thousand pounds would set him forward extremely well, and -that this was the portion I intended to give him with the young -gentlewoman. - -Well said he, I believe that will do; but I must make the poor thing a -present myself for wedding-trinkets. And the old man too, must we not -take care of him? - -Dear Sir, said I, how good you are? You would remind me of my duty, if I -myself were forgetful of it. But I have already settled a hundred pounds -a year on him. - -Is that enough, said he? will it make the good fellow easy? - -Oh, Sir, it exceeds his wishes; he intends to live with his daughter, as -his growing infirmities require her tender care. - -Every thing is to be this day settled. Mr Price is exceedingly pleased -with his son-in-law elect; and the wedding will be no longer delayed, -than till Mr Main receives the answer to those letters which he has -wrote to his friends in the country, to apprize them of his approaching -marriage. - - - _May 26_ - -I am sure my dear Cecilia will rejoice with her friend in the -acquisition she has received to her own happiness by conferring so much -on a worthy family. The bride is this day gone home to her own house; -her delighted father with her. Their prayers and blessings, poured out -from truly grateful and virtuous hearts, remain with me. A reward, my -dear, and a rich one too, for the self-satisfying part I have acted. - -My worthy Patty, whose merit alone raises her much above her station, I -shall no longer consider as my servant. She has been my friend in the -tenderest and most enlarged sense of the word, and she shall continue -so. I have hired another maid to wait on me, and with a sort of merry -ceremony enfranchised Patty on the day of her brother's marriage; for I -had her dressed elegantly as bride's maid to her new sister, and she sat -on her right-hand at the wedding dinner. I look on her as my companion, -but I cannot persuade her to forget that I was her mistress. She shews -this by actions, not by words. - - -[Here follows an interval of thirteen months, in which nothing material -to the thread of the story occurs. The journal contains only a -continued series of such actions, as shewed the noble and pious use -which Mrs Arnold made of the great fortune which providence had blessed -her with. The rest is filled up with a variety of little incidents, many -of them relative to her brother and his lady, to Mr Warner, and several -letters from Lady V----, with whom she constantly corresponded. At the -end of that period the journal proceeds thus.] - - - _June 28, 1708_ - -And shall I really be so blessed, my ever beloved Cecilia, as to see you -at the time you mention? Oh, my dear, after an absence of five long -years, how my heart bounds with joy at your approach! The two months -that are to intervene before we meet will appear very tedious to me. But -it is always so with happiness, that is within our view. Before I -expected you, though I regretted your absence, yet did I patiently -acquiesce under it, and could entertain my thoughts with other objects; -but I am now, I cannot tell you how anxious and impatient to see you. -And yet, my Cecilia, we shall have nothing new to say to each other, -knowing as we both do every circumstance of each other's life since we -parted. Mine has been a strange one; but my lot is now fallen on a fair -ground, where, I hope it will please heaven to continue me whilst I am -to remain in this world. The noble, I may almost call it, princely -fortune that my kinsman has settled on me, will enable me to leave my -children greatly provided for, whenever it shall be God's pleasure to -call me away. Let me but live to embrace my Cecilia, and then, -providence, thy will be done! - - - _June 29_ - -Gracious God! for what I am yet reserved? My trembling hand can scarce -hold my pen, but I will try to tell you the event which yesterday -produced. - -I was but just set down to dinner; nobody with me but Patty and my -children. A note was brought into me, which, they said came by a porter, -who waited for an answer. I opened and read it. My eyes were struck with -the unlooked for name of Orlando Faulkland at the bottom; the contents -filled me with terror and surprize. I know not what I have done with the -note, but he informed me in it that he was just arrived in town, and -begged I would appoint an hour that evening to see him alone, adding, -that his arrival was, and must be, a secret to every body but me. - -Troubled and shocked as I was, I returned for answer, by the same -messenger, that I should expect him at six o'clock. I need not tell you -how I passed the interval 'till that hour. It was impossible for me, -amidst a thousand conjectures, to form one which could probably occasion -this amazing visit. So strangely introduced! so unthought of! and from -one I imagined to be in another kingdom. - -Precisely at six o'clock, I heard a coach stop at the door; Patty was in -the way to receive him, and presently Mr Faulkland himself entered the -drawing-room. Distraction was in his looks! I rose to receive him, but -shook from head to foot; and I felt the blood forsaking my face. He ran -to me, as if with a design to salute me, but started back without making -the offer. I made a motion to a chair for him, and sat down myself, for -I was not able to stand. You are welcome to England, Sir, I am glad to -see you--scarce knowing what I said. I hope your lady is well? He looked -wildly, as if in horror at the question. Then suddenly catching both my -hands, he fell on his knees before me, his eyes fixed mournfully on my -face, and it was some time before he could answer. - -I could not speak; I burst into tears:--there was something dreadful in -his silence. He kissed both my hands, but I withdrew them from him. Sir, -Sir, speak I conjure you. You shock me to death! I see I have, said he; -and I am afraid to proceed: you will die at the relation. For God's -sake, Sir, explain yourself.-- - -You see a man, said he, whose life is forfeited to the law--My wife is -dead--and by my hand--. - -I don't know whether he said more, for I fainted away. It seems he did -not call for any help, but by his own endeavours at last brought me to -myself, and I found him weeping bitterly over me. - -The sound of the last horrid words I had heard him speak still rung in -my ears. I begged him to explain them. - -That wife, said he, that woman whom _you_ persuaded me to marry, I -caught in adultery, and I punished the villain who had wronged me with -death. She shared in his fate, though without my intending it. For this -act of justice, which the law will deem murder, I myself must die, and I -am come but to take a last look.--What recompence then can you make the -man, whom you have brought to misery, shame and death? - -His looks, and the tone of voice with which he spoke this, made my blood -run cold, and my heart die within me. - -I wrung my hands, and redoubling my tears, I do not need your -reproaches, said I, to make me the most miserable woman on earth--What -recompence indeed _can_ I make you--None, none, but to tell you that if -you will fly this instant, my fortune will be at your disposal, and I -will take care to supply you in what part soever of the world you shall -chuse for your residence. - -And can you after all that is past, said he, persist in such barbarity -as to drive me from you? or are you determined to see me perish here? If -that be so, I will soon rid you of this miserable hated wretch. - -He drew his sword like a madman, and with a dreadful imprecation, which -made me shudder, swore that if I did not that minute, promise to bear -him company in his flight, he would plunge it into his breast, and die -before my eyes.--Good God, what a scene of horror was this! I will, I -will, I cried, I will go with you to the farthest verge of the earth. I -catched his arm, fell down on my knees, and was more mad, if possible -than himself. - -I begged of him to put up his sword, which he did, seeing me almost dead -with fear. You know, said he, the means of dying are always in my own -power; take care you do not trifle with me, nor plead in excuse for -falsifying your promise, that you made it to save me from immediate -destruction. - -I beseeched him to calm himself a little, and to permit me to send for -my brother. Sir George you know has an intire affection for you, said I, -you may trust him with your life in safety. - -I had forgot him, said he; poor Bidulph! he will be afflicted when he -hears my story. - -I instantly wrote a line to my brother requesting to see him -immediately. By good fortune he was home, and came to me directly. - -In the mean time, as I saw Mr Faulkland's mind was exceedingly -disturbed, I endeavoured, by giving him an account of my own situation, -to divert his thoughts from the trouble that preyed on them; for I was -apprehensive of his relapsing into the same phrenzy that had so much -terrified me, if I touched on the cause, and therefore chose to defer -enquiring into the particulars of his misfortune, till my brother should -be present. - -Sir George was equally astonished with me at the sight of Mr Faulkland; -they embraced tenderly; poor Mr Faulkland wept upon my brother's neck. -It was easy to discover he laboured under some extraordinary affliction. - -My brother looked at me as if for an explanation; he seemed to guess at -least part of the fatal truth. Are you come to England alone, Faulkland, -said he? I prevented the reply; he is alone, said I, he has a dreadful -story to relate to you. Mrs Faulkland is dead. I durst not ask the -manner of her death, till you were by, to calm the transports of your -friend. - -My heart forebodes, answered my brother, addressing himself to Mr -Faulkland, that the ungrateful woman you married has betrayed you. She -did, replied Mr Faulkland, but I did not mean to stain my hands with her -blood, perfidious as she was; her death be on her own head. - -Sir George looked astonished; that she is dead I rejoice said he, but -how my dear Faulkland, were you accessary to it? - -We were that instant interrupted. Mr Warner passing by, called to ask me -how I did, and as my brother's chariot stood at the door, I could not be -denied to him, though I had ordered that nobody should be let in. - -I was called down to him, and indeed was not sorry to have an excuse for -absenting myself a while, for my spirits were quite overpowered. - -Mr Warner quickly observed that something extraordinary had happened, -and as he was already acquainted with the greatest part of Mr -Faulkland's history, some particulars relative to his wife excepted, I -made no scruple, relying on his prudence and secrecy, of telling him the -cause of my present distress; in which he seemed to take a friendly and -even paternal share. - -When he was gone, I returned to the room where I had left my brother and -his friend. They both seemed in extreme agitation, they were walking -about. - -This is an unfortunate affair, said my brother, and may be attended with -dreadful consequences, if Faulkland does not shew more regard to his own -safety, than he seems inclined to do. I have been persuading him to -retire to a place which I can provide for him, where he may lye -concealed for a day or two, till he is recovered from the fatigue of his -journey; for he has travelled night and day for these three days without -sleeping. - -Sir George looked at me, and by a sorrowful sign which he made, I -apprehended he feared his unhappy friend's head was disturbed. - -For heaven's sake, Sir, said I, be advised by my brother, who loves you; -suffer him to conduct you to some place of security; when you have had a -little repose we will both come to you, and concert such measures as -shall be best for your safety. - -He snatched my hand, Sir George is my true friend, said he, take care -that you do not deceive me. I find myself giddy for want of rest. I am -satisfied to be disposed of for to-night how you please. But give me -your word of honour that I shall see you in the morning. - -You shall indeed, Sir, I replied. - -Depend upon it, answered Sir George, I'll bring her to you myself. - -He looked irresolute, and as if he knew not what to say; then turning to -my brother, and leaning on his shoulder, Do, dear Bidulph, carry me to -some place where I may lie down, for my spirits can hold out no longer. - -Come, said Sir George, taking him under the arm, my chariot is at the -door, I will bring you to a house where you may be quiet at home. - -Mr Faulkland rivetted his eyes on me, as my brother led him out of the -room, but he did not speak. - -Sir George whispered me that he would return again. They went into the -chariot together and drove away. - -It was ten o'clock before my brother returned. He told me he had lodged -Mr Faulkland safely at a friend's house in whom he could confide, as he -did not think his own, in case of a search, a place of security. - -He said he had seen him in bed, and hoped a little sleep would compose -his mind, which seemed very much disturbed. I requested my brother to -give me the particulars of that terrible affair, which Mr Faulkland had -mentioned. Sir George related to me what follows, though Mr Faulkland, -he said, told the story but incoherently. - -Mr Faulkland said he had no reason to be displeased with his wife's -conduct for more than a year after their marriage; her affection for him -seemed lively and sincere; and he had made her the most grateful -returns, it being the study of his life to render her happy. Her love -abated not of its ardor, and he had all the reason in the world to -imagine himself intirely possessed of her heart. - -Whilst Mr Faulkland's house in the country was building, he had been -invited by a neighbouring gentleman, who lived at the distance of about -three miles from his own place, to stay at his house; which obliging -offer Mr Faulkland had readily accepted, as by that means he had daily -opportunities of seeing, and expediting his own improvements. - -Mr Bond (that was the gentleman's name) had a wife and two or three -daughters, all very agreeable women; with whom Mrs Faulkland had, by -living so much in their family, contracted a great intimacy; but -particularly with the eldest, a sprightly fine young woman, of about -twenty years old. They had been three or four months at Mr Bonds; their -house, which was nothing more than a little lodge, was finished; and -they only waited till it was thoroughly dry to remove into it, as Mr -Faulkland had laid out extensive gardens, in the finishing of which he -proposed to amuse himself some time; for he acknowleged to my brother, -he was in no haste to return to England. - -During their residence with this gentleman, they had made two or three -excursions to town. On their return from one of these, after an absence -of about a fortnight, they found a visitor at Mr Bond's; his name was -Smyth; he was an officer, a genteel handsome man, and they were given to -understand he made his addresses to the eldest daughter; of whom he had -been an admirer a long time, but durst not make his pretensions known to -her father, till having lately been promoted in the army to the rank of -a major, the young lady's parents admitted his visits to their daughter. -She had long before that acknowleged to Mrs Faulkland in confidence, her -attachment to him. Mr Faulkland, who had learned this secret from his -wife, was very glad to find that Miss Bond, for whom he had great -esteem, was likely to have her wishes accomplished, as he saw that Major -Smyth was treated with distinction by her parents, who complimented him -with a bed at their house; for he generally staid two or three nights -with them, every time he paid them a visit, as his regiment was then -quartered at a town about fifteen miles distant from their house. - -The Major, without being a man of very shining parts, had such talents -as made him acceptable to the women. He sung prettily, was lively to -extravagance, full of agreeable trifling, and always in good humour. -Miss Bond loved him; and as he was considered in the light of a person -who would shortly be one of the family. Mr Faulkland soon contracted a -friendship with him, which the Major on his part, seemed very solicitous -to improve. - -The marriage was now agreed on, and was only deferred till the young -lady's brother should be at age, as he was to join with his father in -making a settlement on his sister. This desirable event was at the -distance of four months; but as the lover was in the mean time permitted -to enjoy so much of his mistress's conversation, he seemed to submit to -the delay with patience. - -Things were in this situation, when Mr Faulkland, thinking it time to -remove to his own house, proposed it to his lady; but she objected to -it, declaring she did not think it safe, as the house had been so -lately built. Though indeed it was now perfectly well seasoned; for the -shell had been intirely finished some time before Mr Faulkland had gone -to Mr Bond's house, and it was only the inside work, and a kitchen that -was built apart from the lodge, that wanted to be completed. Mr -Faulkland was unwilling to oppose his lady in any thing; but he was the -more solicitous that she should comply with his request in this -particular, as he thought he had observed that the eldest Miss Bond, -had, of late, behaved with more coldness towards her than usual. Though -he was far from guessing the cause of this, he thought it, however, a -sufficient reason for their removal. He was afraid they had already -staid too long; and that, perhaps, notwithstanding the good nature and -hospitality of the family they all now secretly wished their absence. -This, though he intended to make a suitable return for their friendly -reception of him during so long a time, made him resolve not to continue -there; and the more so, as Miss Bond, who was present when he proposed -it to Mrs Faulkland, seemed to wish for their departure; as she -dissented from that lady with regard to her opinion of the state of the -new house, and seemed to think there could no danger attend their -immediate entrance into it. Mrs Faulkland seemed nettled at this, and -immediately assented to her husband's proposal; the next day they took -their leave of Mr Bond's family, and repaired to their own house. - -Mr Faulkland, from this period, remarked a change in his wife's -behaviour; she grew melancholy and peevish; but as she complained of not -being well, he imputed the alteration in her temper to that alone; and -the more so, as she did not abate in the tokens of her seeming affection -for him. - -Mr Bond's family frequently visited them; Major Smyth always made one of -the party, and often came without them. Though they lived but at the -distance of three miles from each other, yet as the road for carriages -between the two houses, being a-cross one, was very bad, the ladies were -often prevailed on, if they staid late, to lye a night at Mr -Faulkland's, and in consequence of this, Mr Bond and the Major had -frequently done the same when they were of the party. - -Though Mr Faulkland was far from having any injurious suspicion of his -wife, he could not help observing that all her complaints vanished, -whenever this family were at her house. This, however, he ascribed to -nothing more than her being fond of the company, though he thought a -coolness between her, and the eldest Miss Bond, was still apparent. The -principals of the family, however, behaved with their usual frankness -and good-humour, and Mr Faulkland thought there might be some little -female pique between the two ladies, which was not worth enquiring into. - -As they punctually returned the friendly visits of these agreeable -neighbours, Mrs Faulkland always proposed passing the night there, to -induce them, as she said, to use the same obliging freedom at her house. -Mr Faulkland, on those occasions observed, that his lady always rose -much earlier than usual, but unsuspecting as he was, he was satisfied -with the reason she assigned for it, that of enjoying the pleasant hours -of the morning in a very delicious garden; a pleasure which they could -not have at home, as Mr Faulkland's improvements were only in their -infancy. - -The mutual intercourse between the two families was thus carried on for -more than three months, when the time drew near, that Miss Bond and her -lover were to be united, and every thing was preparing for the purpose. -The young Mr Bond was come home from the college, and the house on this -occasion was more chearful than ever. Mr Faulkland and his lady were -there at a ball one night, when the latter, after dancing a long time, -complained suddenly of being violently ill and either really did, or -pretended to, faint. She was immediately conveyed to bed, and, at her -request, another room prepared for Mr Faulkland. He, extremely alarmed -at her indisposition, came to her bed-side, purposing to sit up by her -the whole night; the youngest of the Miss Bond's offering to do the -same, but Mrs Faulkland absolutely refused them both, and about -midnight, saying she found herself inclined to sleep, insisted on their -retiring; nor would she admit a servant to stay in the room, but -contented herself with having a candle burning on the hearth. - -Mr Faulkland, who really had an affection for his lady, was impatient -the next morning to enquire after her health; he found her in bed, the -complaints of the preceding night all renewed. - -The family were extremely disconcerted at this unlucky accident, and -expresed the utmost uneasiness, all but the eldest Miss Bond, who was -silent; and heard her mother and sisters condoling with Mr Faulkland, -not only with unconcern, but a suppressed smile of contempt, which did -not escape Mr Faulkland's observation. He now began to resent such a -behaviour, which he thought very unkind; and told his lady he wished she -was in a condition to be removed, as he was fearful in her present -situation it might be very inconvenient to the family to have her remain -sick in their house; especially as it quite broke in on the mirth and -festivity which were now going forward. - -To this she replied, that she found herself so weak and dispirited, -which she said was always the consequence of those faintings, to which -she had been subject from her childhood, that she could not think of -leaving her room. She made a shift, however, to rise, and said she hoped -in a day or two to be able to remove. - -Mrs Bond, who was of an extremely humane and tender disposition, begged -of her not to think of stirring till she found her health perfectly -re-established: Mrs Faulkland thankfully accepted her offer, and Mr -Faulkland, though reluctantly, was obliged to acquiesce. - -They remained thus two days longer, Mrs Faulkland's complaints still -furnishing her with a pretence for sleeping alone; and, under colour of -not giving trouble in the family, she would not suffer a maid to sit up -with her. - -Major Smyth, who had been in the house all this time, had now some call -to his regiment, which obliged him to go to the town where it lay, and -Mr Faulkland heard him give his man directions for their journey. - -Mrs Faulkland still kept her room, and had not left it since the time -she was first taken ill. It happened that the chamber which was assigned -for Mr Faulkland, immediately joined his lady's, and was only separated -from it by a wainscot partition, by which means he could hear the least -stir in her chamber. - -The unsuspecting injured husband, whose anxiety for his faithless wife -had always made him watchful and attentive to her motions, happened this -night to be more than ordinarily so. The family had now been for some -hours buried in sleep; every thing was profoundly silent for some time. -Mr Faulkland, who hoped his lady was settled to rest, was endeavouring -to compose himself to sleep, when he heard her stir. This immediately -roused him, and raising his head off the pillow, he found she got out of -bed. Though she seemed to use the utmost precaution, he nevertheless -heard her very distinctly open her door, and go out. Surprized as he was -at this motion, no other thought occurred to him, than that perhaps Mrs -Faulkland, finding herself ill, had got up to call some of the female -servants. Prepossessed with this belief, he started out of bed, and -hastily slipping on his clothes, ran into his lady's room, where he -found her candle still burning. - -As he concluded she would presently return, he waited some minutes in -her chamber; at length, perceiving her clothes lying on a chair at her -bed-side, he was afraid she had gone out without putting any thing on -her, and though the night was not cold, he was apprehensive, that in her -apparently weak condition, her health might be farther injured. - -On this account, he determined to go in quest of her; and concluding she -had gone to the apartment of the female servants, which was on the floor -over that on which they lay, he ascended the stairs as silently as -possibly. - -As he was passing by a room on the top of the first flight, he heard -some one speak in a low voice, and listning, fancied it was his wife's. - -As he knew not who lay in that room, he made no doubt but that it was -she, who was calling the person that slept there; and, without farther -reflection, hastily opened the door, and went in, with the candle, which -he had taken in his hand. On his sudden entrance, the person, who was in -bed, eagerly called out, Who is there? He soon perceived by his voice, -that it was Major Smyth. He was about to make an apology for his -intrusion, when he perceiving his lady's wrapping gown, which he had -seen her wear that morning, lying on the floor, and in the same instant -recollecting that he had heard a woman's voice when he was without-side -the door, the horror of her guilt rushed upon him at once, and without -making any answer to the major, he suddenly drew back the feet curtains -of the bed, where he plainly perceived that the major had a companion, -though she had hid her head under the clothes. - -The major instantly leaped out of bed, and though he saw Mr Faulkland -was unarmed, he snatched up one of his own pistols, which lay on the -table, and which his man had charged that night, as they were to go a -short journey the next morning. Mr Faulkland, in the first transports of -his rage, seized the other; the miserable woman, observing their fatal -motions, threw herself out of bed. Mr Faulkland was too much distracted -to be able to give a distinct account of this dreadful incident; all he -can say is, that Major Smyth snapped his pistol at him, which, he -thinks, missed fire, and he instantly discharged his with more fatal -success; for Mrs Faulkland, who had in the instant rushed between them -shrieked out, and dropped on the ground; and the major reeling a few -steps, fell against one of the pillars of the bed, and cried out, He has -killed us both. - -Mr Faulkland says, that, after this dreadful action, without knowing -what he did, he ran down stairs, and opening the front door, made the -best of his way home on foot. The phrenzy of his mind was such that he -thought not of providing for his safety; but having got into his house, -he had no intention of going farther, when, in less than a quarter of an -hour, one of his servants, whom he had left behind him at Mr Bond's, a -faithful fellow, who had lived with him many years, came to him, scared -and breathless, having ran himself almost dead to overtake his master. - -Oh, Sir, said he, for heaven's sake, get away as fast as you can: Mr -Bond's family are all in an uproar; you will be taken, if you do not -make your escape this instant. - -Have I killed any body? demanded Mr Faulkland. - -Oh, Sir, answered the man, you have killed my lady, and Major Smyth is -mortally wounded. - -I know not what I did, cried Mr Faulkland, but I did not mean to hurt -your mistress. - -I believe it, Sir, replied the servant, but I fear nobody else will, for -that wicked wretch, though they think he cannot live many hours, would -take away your life if he could. The report of the pistol alarmed the -family, and we all ran into his room, gentry and servants and all; the -major was able to speak, but my lady was quite dead. - -The account he gives is, that my lady's candle having gone out she got -up to get it lighted, and was endeavouring to find one of the maid's -rooms, when passing by his, and seeing a light, for he was but just got -into bed, she stepped in; and before she had time to retire again, you -rushed in like a madman; and seeing his pistols lie on the table, you -snatched them both up, and discharged one at your lady, which killed her -on the spot, you fired the other at him, while he was leaping out of -bed. I am sure, Sir, this is a false story, yet, as the family may all -believe it, I beg you on my knees, to provide for your safety. Miss Bond -was tearing her hair for her lover; but I heard her say, she was glad -that wicked woman (meaning my lady) had lost her life. - -They had sent off some of the people for a surgeon, and I ran as fast as -I could to warn you of your dangers. - -This honest fellow, not contented with urging his master, soon saddled a -very swift hunter, which he had in the stable; and Mr Faulkland, now -convinced of the necessity of flying, mounted it directly, and, attended -only by one groom, galloped off to Dublin, which he reached by seven -o'clock in the morning, and was lucky enough to arrive just as a packet, -which was going off with an express was ready to sail. He went on -board, and landed at Holly-head in twelve hours, from thence, without -stopping night or day, except to change horses, he rode post to London, -and presented himself, in the manner I have already told you, before me. - - * * * * * - -Such, my Cecilia, are the dismal particulars of this sad story. My -brother staid with me 'till it was very late; our time was past in -consulting on measures for Mr Faulkland's preservation. He said, he -would advise him, by all means, to get over to Holland as fast as he -could; for if that story, which the execrable Smyth had invented, should -be believed, and it was very likely to gain credit in case he died of -his wound, and persevered in it to the last, Mr Faulkland, having no -witness to disprove any part of the charge, would be in imminent danger -of losing his life. - -I need not describe to you the horror in which I passed last night. I -rose this morning at day-light, and was but just dressed, when I was -informed Mr Warner wanted to speak to me. I went down stairs to him -directly. - -I could not sleep all night for thinking of your affairs, said he, -without any previous salute; and I am so impatient to hear Faulkland's -story, that I could not rest 'till I came to you to be informed of it, -for I suppose you heard every thing last night. - -I related all the particulars minutely as I have done to you, Mr Warner -never once interrupting me. When I had ended the story, what do you -intend for Faulkland, said my kinsman? I know not what to do, Sir, I -replied; but this I am sure of, that if it were in the power of wealth -to relieve his afflicted mind, he has an undoubted right to a large -portion of the fortune I possess; this I think myself bound to bestow on -the man, who, when I was destitute, offered me his. If we can prevail on -him to take care of his own safety, which, when he is a little more -collected, I hope we shall be able to do, I must entreat your -assistance, Sir, in helping me to make him as easy as his unhappy -circumstances will admit of.--And is this _all_, demanded Mr Warner -sternly? Does not your gratitude suggest a warmer recompence than giving -him a paultry income? - -I was startled at the question, and not replying immediately, You must -marry him, said he in a peremptory tone; there is nothing now to hinder -you; the heavy misfortune which has fallen upon him, puts it in your -power to make him such a return as his prosperous days would not have -allowed you. You can confer an obligation on him now; so _that_ scruple -is rubbed out. As for any former idle aspersions, you have already done -more than enough to convince the world they were without foundation. I -could wish indeed that Jezebel of a wife had been cut off in the common -way; but since he was guiltless in his intentions, it would be barbarous -to make _that_ an objection, and I dare answer for it, all mankind will -acquit him, though the law perhaps may not, of that scoundrel's death, -who so well deserved it at his hands. - -I told Mr Warner, that though Mr Faulkland had proposed something like -this, I was sure it was owing to his distracted mind, for that he had at -first declared he only came to take a last look at me, and that I hoped, -when he came to the cool use of his reason, he would be far from urging -such a request--The more are you bound then, said he, interrupting me, -to deal generously by him.--What does your brother say upon the subject? -He has not touched upon it, I replied, I was so taken up with hearing Mr -Faulkland's melancholy story from my brother, that I mentioned not to -him his wild proposal; and as Sir George told me Mr Faulkland was much -more composed when he left him to his rest, I presume he hinted nothing -of that kind to my brother. - -Ay, ay, cried Mr Warner, Sir George to be sure will change his note. Mr -Faulkland is now a fallen man, therefore depend on it he will not be for -your marrying him; but for this very reason, I insist on your doing a -noble thing. If you have a grain of honour, or of gratitude in you, you -will not hesitate a moment. I will not desire you, continued he, finding -me silent, to carry your gratitude so far as to marry a madman, if he -should prove to be so; but if on your visit to him this morning, you -find him composed, and in his right mind, make him a frank offer of your -hand, and see you do it handsomely; consult not George, upon the -subject, I will have it all _my_ doing. Go, added he, if I did not know -that at the bottom of your heart you _love_ Faulkland, I would not make -this a point with you; but notwithstanding all your pretended demurs I -am sure that is the case. - -I should be disingenuous to deny it, answered I; far from doing so, I -will own that I should prefer him before all the world, if the -strangeness of his present situation did not frighten me. Trouble not -your head about that, cried Mr Warner, if the man is in his senses, do -as I bid you, and take care that you acquit yourself with honour. - -He left me without waiting for a reply. What can I say or do, my -Cecilia? My heart and my reason are at variance. What a strange dilemma -am I driven to? nobody to advise me. Mr Warner, precipitate and fanciful -in his determinations, urges me on to I know not what. Marry Mr -Faulkland! receive a hand stained with--Oh the very thought is terrible! - -What would the world say to such an union? It cannot be. He will not -sure when he comes to the use of his cooler reason insist upon a -promise, which my own terror, and his desperation, extorted from me. - -I must try to convince Mr Warner's judgment? I hope he will not -obstinately persist in pressing me to what I dare not comply with.... My -brother is just come to carry me to Mr Faulkland. Heaven grant I may -find him restored to his right mind!... Just returned from my visit to -Mr Faulkland. What a scene! He wrung my very heart. I would I had never -seen him. - -We found him up, and walking about his room; his looks much more -composed than they were last night. - -On our entering his chamber, his eyes sparkled with pleasure. He ran to -my brother, and embraced him. Thank you my dear, dear Bidulph, said he, -you at length give her to me, and with her own consent too. My bride! -turning passionately to me, and snatching my hand. - -My brother seemed shocked, and cast his eyes mournfully at me: mine -moistened, and I was obliged to apply my handkerchief to them, turning -my head away. - -Tears! cried Mr Faulkland, in a tone of surprize, and on our -wedding-day! I could not bear this, I sobbed aloud. My brother was -willing, if possible, to give his thoughts another turn, for not knowing -what had passed the day before, he thought this was some sudden start of -phrenzy. - -My dear Faulkland, said he, you affect my Sister too much; we have been -consulting for your safety, and came to talk with you upon it. - -I think there is no time to be lost, and that you ought immediately to -retire into Holland. - -I am ready, said Mr Faulkland, but Mrs Arnold goes with me, I have her -promise for it. - -Sidney shall follow you, answered my brother, making a motion to me to -shew he would have me humour him in his ravings. I will not go without -her, cried Mr Faulkland; the universe shall not now part us. - -I was almost distracted with apprehension, and knew not what reply to -make; my brother looked confounded, and was silent. - -Mr Faulkland approached me, and with a look of gloomy despair, You are -both mute, said he; Bidulph, I always thought _you_ loved me. Mrs Arnold -I hoped did not wish my death; but I am deceived in you both--I have no -farther business with life--The friend I most confided in betrays me; -the woman whom my soul worships, and to whom I sacrificed all my hopes -of happiness, repays me with ingratitude. Why should such a wretch any -longer submit to life? I have borne it too long already; but there's my -remedy, pointing furiously to his sword, which lay in the scabbard on a -table. - -I could no longer contain myself, but bursting into tears, Oh, Sir, said -I, accuse me not of ingratitude; I would to heaven _my_ death could -repair the heavy afflictions I have brought upon you; if it could, I -would welcome it this hour. Your reproaches, cruel as they are, I -forgive. I own myself the unhappy cause of all your misfortunes; we have -been mutually fatal to each other. You know I always valued and esteemed -you, and have in your calamity already been sufficiently punished for -the share I have had in bringing it on you. What shall I say to you, -Sir? My whole fortune I think too small, too poor a recompence, to the -man who has obliged me beyond a possibility of return. Yet what have I -to offer more? Can you, Sir, can you urge me to a marriage at so strange -a juncture? Think how it will expose us both to censure. Your long -attachment to me has not been a secret. Think what dreadful -constructions may be put on _your_ conduct, nay, on _mine_, should a -union now take place, brought about, as it must appear, by so terrible -an event. - -Mr Faulkland was silent, his eyes fixed on the ground. My brother took -up the argument. Indeed, my dear Faulkland, my sister has reason for her -fears. You know I ever was your sincere friend; you know too I always -was of opinion that Sidney ought to have been your wife; her former -objections I thought were romantic scruples, and hardly forgave her -refusing you. The present obstacle has more weight in it--Do not mistake -me, added he hastily (seeing Mr Faulkland raise his eyes full of -resentment at him) I wish my sister still to be yours, and will consent -to your marriage with my whole heart; but let me conjure you to take a -more favourable juncture; withdraw yourself but for the present; your -affairs may not be so desperate as you imagine. If that villain Smyth -should chance to recover, perhaps his conscience may awaken remorse, and -he may be prevailed on to do you justice. In that case you must be -cleared from the most distant imputation of what my sister hinted at, -and what has but too justly alarmed her. Cleared as your character will -then be, and conscious as we both are of the innocence of your -intentions there will remain no bar to Mrs Arnold's giving you her hand. - -Smyth _cannot_ recover, interrupted Mr Faulkland, suddenly--there is no -hope can spring from that. Then answered my brother, at worst you can -but live abroad; all parts of the world are alike to such a philosopher -as my sister is; and probably, circumstanced as your marriage will -appear, she may like best to reside out of England.-- - -Mr Faulkland shook his head, and with a smile of indignation, Leave me, -Bidulph, cried he, I cannot bear _your_ attempting to deceive me. You -think me mad, and are cruel enough to endeavour at imposing on me--I -know my mind is disturbed--but who has driven me to despair! to madness! -to death! and he cast a look at me that chilled my blood. - -Be satisfied, Madam, you shall soon be rid of this -fatal--hated--betrayed--abandoned wretch! he spoke this with his hands -grasped eagerly together, and his eyes lifted up to heaven. Then -striking his breast, he burst into tears, and rushing suddenly into his -closet, he shut the door violently, locking it on the inside. - -He wept aloud, and his agonies reduced me almost to the same condition -with himself. - -I begged my brother would endeavour to prevail on him to open the door, -for I was fearful of his making some dreadful attempt upon his own life; -but Sir George a little quieted my fears, by shewing me his sword, which -still lay on the table, and which, at my desire, he put out of the way. - -My brother approached the closet door, and in the most soothing language -beseeched him to open it; but he could get no other answer from Mr -Faulkland than to beg he would leave him to himself. - -I found this was not a time for arguing. I told my brother, we had -better suffer him to vent his passion alone, and that, perhaps, when he -had time to reflect a little on what had been said, he would permit his -cooler reason to govern him. - -Sir George was very unwilling to leave him in such a distracted state of -mind; he renewed his efforts to persuade him to come out of the closet, -but to no purpose. - -I beseech you to leave me, Sir George, said he, I am not in a condition -to talk--I cannot bear the sight of Mrs Arnold--let me recover -myself--another time perhaps I may be better able to discourse with -you. - -Will you promise me then, replied my brother, that you will in the -interim do nothing that may be injurious to your life or health? Indeed, -my dear Faulkland, you distress my sister and me more than you can -imagine. Name the hour when you will permit me to come to you again; and -for heaven's sake think of your own immediate preservation: _that_ once -secured, there is nothing which my sister and I will not afterwards do -to make you happy--Can I rely on you, Faulkland? do you promise me not -to be rash? You have my sword in your possession, answered Mr Faulkland, -(still speaking within the closet) I have no other weapon about -me--leave me, Sir George--I cannot talk. - -Say but that you wish to see me again, replied my brother, and I will -go, and give you no further trouble. Mr Faulkland sighed deeply. Say, I -wish to see you! he repeated, ah, Bidulph! and his voice seemed choaked. -My brother could not refrain from tears. I will come to you in the -evening, Faulkland--You will find me your true friend.--I should be -loath to lay you under any restraint here, in the house of my friend; do -but say there is no need of it. Promise me--the slightest word will -suffice. I know my dear Faulkland will not break his word. - -Well--I will not attempt my life, cried he impatiently, let that satisfy -you--leave me, and let me not be exposed to any insults here. - -I leave you, answered my brother, and hope to find you more composed a -few hours hence. Mrs Arnold too begs you will be calm, and think of -preserving a life which is so dear to us both. - -Mr Faulkland was silent, and my brother and I withdrew; he thought it -best I should not speak to him. - -Sir George left me at home, and said he would call again on Mr Faulkland -in the afternoon, and bring me word how he should find him. My brother -is exceedingly affected with his situation, and says he knows not what -to advise. He is fearful that Mr Faulkland's phrenzy is not to be -calmed, but by consenting to marry him, and circumstanced as he now is, -that thought is terrible. Yet, if I persist in my refusal, I drive the -noblest of minds to desperation. Oh, my Cecilia, is this the return I -ought to make to the most generous of men? whose fervent love for me has -been a constant source of torment to him for so many years! Yet how can -I yield him my hand? All my former scruples, weighty as they appeared to -me, were light to the dreadful bar that now interposes. - -Had that ill-fated woman died the common way, with what joy, what -exultation could I have rewarded his honest persevering love! all my -duties fulfilled, obedience to my mother, justice to the woman I thought -injured, reverence to the memory of my husband, the respect due to my -own character. Should I not, my Cecilia, after thus being acquitted of -all other obligations, have been to blame, if, after a series of -misfortunes, all brought on by my strict adherence to those duties; -should I not have been to blame for refusing at length to do justice to -the most deserving of men? When I reflect on the past, when I survey the -present, and my foreboding heart whispers to me the future sufferings of -our dear unhappy Mr Faulkland, all my philosophy forsakes me. I have -borne up under my own sorrows--his quite subdue me--I must lay by my -pen--my eyes are brimful of tears.... Ah, my dear, what will become of -us? I am almost dead with apprehension. Rash, rash, unhappy Mr -Faulkland! He has fled from the house where my brother had concealed -him: I know not what I am writing, my fears distract me. 'Tis but two -hours since we left him, Sir George relying on his promise, and -unwilling to provoke him by any appearance of constraint, gave no -caution to the gentleman with whom he was lodged to observe his motions; -he is ready to kill himself for this neglect; but relying on Mr -Faulkland's promise not to make any attempt on his life, he suspected -not that he would endeavour to escape. Escape do I call it? rather let -me say, to throw himself into certain destruction.--He is set out on his -way for Ireland. Heaven knows what will be the consequence of this, if -my brother does not overtake and persuade him back. He is gone after -him, my cousin Warner with him; both rode post. - -My thoughts are so confused, I can put nothing in order. It seems we had -not long quitted him, when he called up his servant (that groom who, as -I informed you, had come over with him) and telling him he was going out -of town ordered him to go directly to an inn somewhere in the city, and -hire two post-horses, and that he would follow him presently. - -The man obeyed, and in about half an hour, his master came in a -hackney-coach to the place where he had directed him to wait for him. - -Upon the inn-keeper's enquiring whither the horses were to go, Mr -Faulkland replied, to St Alban's. The man objected to the length of the -stage, and named Barnet. Mr Faulkland seemed impatient and angry; his -unusual earnestness, his wild looks, and the road he purposed taking, -alarmed his servant (a discreet elderly man) and he had the prudence -immediately to dispatch the master of the house, whom he prevailed on by -a piece of money, to go directly to my brother with this intelligence. - -He had the precaution not to mention his master's name, only bade him -find out Sir George Bidulph, and tell him that his friend was set out -for St Alban's, and that his man had dispatched him with the news, and -would, if possible, endeavour to detain him on the road, that Sir George -might overtake him. - -The man was punctual in delivering his message. My brother, wild with -amazement and horror, just called as he past my door, to tell me this -new and unexpected misfortune. Mr Warner had that instant come to -enquire what had past between Mr Faulkland and me in our interview this -morning. I had no time to tell him any thing. He looked very much -displeased at my brother and me, upon hearing Mr Faulkland was gone; but -said he would accompany Sir George, and they both hurried away together. - -The man said, Mr Faulkland had set off before he could leave his house, -the servant having scarce time to give him the message. - -I fear it will be impossible for my brother to overtake him--He will be -lost forever--what then will be my portion? Happy had it been for me -indeed, as my dear mother once said in the bitterness of her heart, that -I had died in my cradle! - - - _Tuesday-night twelve o'clock_ - -Heaven be praised, they are returned! _All_ returned; Mr Faulkland has -been prevailed on to come back, Mr Warner has prevailed on him. He has -saved his life; but, my Cecilia, thy friend's temporal happiness, and -peace of mind, is the only price that could ransom this desperate -self-devoted victim! - -Mr Warner has bound himself by a solemn oath that I should become his -wife, or Mr Faulkland, determined on his own destruction, would, spite -of all they could do, have pursued his fatal journey to Ireland, in -order to deliver himself up to justice. - -It was near ten o'clock before they returned to town. My brother carried -Mr Faulkland back to the gentleman's house, where he was before lodged; -and my kinsman left them together, in order to come and give me an -account of what passed. - -He said the gentleman, at whose house he was lodged by my brother was -extreamly surprized at seeing him again, Mr Faulkland having with great -composure taken his leave of him in the morning; and after thanking him -for the shelter he had afforded him, told him he was going out of town. - -My brother and my kinsman overtook him above a mile on this side St -Alban's, for which success they were intirely indebted to the prudence -of the servant who attended him: For the poor man, finding himself -pushing on with the utmost eagerness, and Mr Faulkland no longer making -a secret of this intention of returning to Ireland; resolved at all -events to prevent his ruin; and hoping that by a little delay, Sir -George might overtake them, contrived at their first stage so -dexterously to slip a nail in between the horse's shoe and his hoof, -that he knew he could not go far without being lame. - -This succeeded so well, that the poor animal was soon disabled, and Mr -Faulkland not having it in his power to mount himself better, was -obliged to go on at a very easy rate 'till they arrived at the next -stage. - -Mr Warner and my brother overtook him in this situation: Sir George knew -him as soon as they came in sight of him, and followed him at a proper -distance, still keeping him in view, 'till he lighted at the post-house. -They then at once entered the room, into which he had retired, whilst -fresh horses were getting ready. - -Mr Faulkland started at the sight of my brother; he looked earnestly at -Mr Warner, whom he had never seen before; but spoke not to either of -them. - -Sir George, pursued my kinsman, accosted him affectionately: Dear -Faulkland, was this kind of you, thus to fly from your friends that love -you? He presented me to him at the same, naming me as his relation. - -Mr Faulkland grasped the hand, which I reached out in salutation to him; -he fixed his fine sparkling eyes on my face: Is it Mr Warner whom I have -the honour to salute? Sir, I am no stranger to your worth: I honour, I -revere you. You are too good to interest yourself thus for an unhappy -wretch, cast off, and forsaken by all the world. - -Do I forsake you, Faulkland, cried your brother, kindly enough? No, -Faulkland, I am your constant sincere friend, and will prove myself so, -if you will but let me. Mr Faulkland made no reply. - -Dear Faulkland, am I not your friend? You are Mrs Arnold's brother.--You -are not the man you were. Indeed Faulkland, I am; I am your true friend; -suffer me to be so, come back with me; Mr Warner and I have followed -you, in the hope of prevailing on you to return with us; do, Faulkland, -let us persuade you to preserve a life so dear to us all. - -What am I to live for, answered Mr Faulkland sternly? _You_ have tried -to deceive me; the man I loved most, now I am fallen, rejects me. Your -sister persists in her obstinate cruelty towards me; she breaks her -promise, and you encourage her in it. I have neither friends, fortune, -or country! and do you talk to me of life on _such_ conditions? No, -Bidulph, it is a burden of which I will rid myself--Mr Warner, _you_ are -a generous man, _you_ have an enlarged mind; may a stranger ask a favour -of you? - -I could have wept, continued my kinsman, to see such a frank noble -fellow driven to such desperation. Command me, Sir, I replied, there is -nothing I would not do to serve you. - -I thank you, Sir; I have a little son; let me recommend the unhappy -orphan to your protection. He will soon want a father: will you be one -to him, Sir? I will send him over to you; he laid hold of my hand, and -repeated his question, Will you Mr Warner? _You_ have an enlarged mind, -and do not despise the unfortunate. - -I cried downright; he touched me to the very quick. I never was so -affected in my life; and I own I was heartily displeased both with you -and your brother, for driving him to such extremities: _You_ especially, -on whom I laid injunctions to act in a contrary way. As for Sir George, -I am not surprized at _his_ behaviour. - -From Mr Faulkland's discourse, proceeded my kinsman, it was apparent to -me, that his distraction proceeded from no other cause, than his belief -that you and your brother slighted him in his misfortunes. It was plain -when he fled to England, that he was sufficiently in his senses to be -anxious for his own safety; and though the sight of you, joined to the -hurry of his spirits, his fatigue, and want of sleep, might, in a man of -such violent passions, have created a temporary phrenzy, yet I am very -certain it would all have subsided, if you had behaved to him as you -ought to have done, and as I desired you would: nor do I see how you can -answer it to yourself, after the miseries you have already brought on -such a glorious man (for I never saw his equal either in mind or person) -to persist in a behaviour which has already turned his brain, and must -in the end occasion his death: for death he is determined on, if you -refuse to become his wife. - -Oh, Sir, cried I, leave him not to himself, I conjure you; you see the -influence you have over his mind; you have done wonders in bringing him -back.-- - -Hold, replied Mr Warner, till I inform you of the means I was obliged to -use. - -I have told you how I was affected with his situation, and the request -he made me to take care of his child. This was not the suggestion of -madness; it was plain to me, that if the cause were removed, he would -soon be restored to the perfect use of his reason, and I could not bear -to see the desolation of such a noble frame, and all charged to your -account. - -Sir, I hope you do not mean, said I, to return to Ireland, do you not -know the risque that you run by putting yourself into the power of an -exasperated family from whom you can expect nothing but the most -malevolent persecution? - -I deliver myself up to the laws, replied Mr Faulkland; my life is -devoted, 'tis indifferent to me how I die. - -Suppose, said I, Mrs Arnold should consent to marry you, would not that -reconcile you to life? - -Oh, Sir, and he shook his head, I am not to be deceived _twice_. (Your -brother walked about the room without taking part in the conversation.) - -I do not mean it, Sir, Mrs Arnold must be yours; _I_ can influence her; -do but return back with me, I give you my honour I will do my utmost to -prevail on her to give you her hand immediately. Her heart is hardened, -Sir, she will not consent, replied he. I have no friend to urge her, I -am an outcast, and not fit to live--_I_ will urge her, Sir, she respects -me, she will be guided by me; she shall fulfil the promise she made -you--Oh, Sir, you but deceive yourself--she will find out new excuses, I -am not to be again allured by false hopes. - -He stepped towards the door as he spoke these words, and was about to -open it. Your brother followed, and laid hold of his arm; I did the -same. Sir George, said he, expose me not to insults, why do you -persecute me? Leave me, Sir, I am _not_ a madman--but I am -_determined_--and he spoke as if he were _indeed_ so. - -For heaven's sake, Faulkland, said your brother, be composed: You have -Mr Warner's word of honour; you shall have mine too, that we will do our -utmost to persuade Mrs Arnold to consent to your wishes. You have _my_ -full consent, you have won Mr Warner to your interest, my sister will -yield to our joint entreaties. _Yield_, he repeated, no, no, Sir George, -she has a stubborn heart. I once thought it otherwise; but it is turned -to stone, nothing but my death will satisfy, her, and she _shall_ be -satisfied. - -He made an effort to break from us. Stay Mr Faulkland, said I, again -laying hold of his hand, and I here swear to you by every thing that is -sacred, that if you will suffer me to conduct you back into Mrs Arnold's -presence, I will insist on her immediately accepting of you for her -husband, or I will for ever renounce all friendship with her: I know she -esteems and values you above all men, I am therefore sure, I do no -violence to her inclinations; and if she perseveres in her obstinate -punctilios, I swear to you by the same oath, that I will no longer -oppose you in your resolutions, let them be what they will. - -Sir George, added I, Do you join with me in giving your friend the same -assurances? I do, answered he, solemnly addressing himself to Mr -Faulkland, and swear by all my hopes of happiness hereafter, to act in -conjunction with Mr Warner in every particular that he has promised. - -Mr Faulkland seemed to be moved, he looked whistfully at us by turns, as -if willing, though afraid, to yield to our entreaties. - -At length, I _think_ I may rely on you, said he, you will not break an -oath (to Sir George) but that woman has such an _inflexible_ heart! you -cannot change _that_. - -We will do our utmost, we both answered together. Remember, then, said -he, stretching out a hand to each of us, you have sworn, if she persists -in her resolution, that you will leave me to myself, and oppose me no -longer. We have. I will go back with you then cried Mr Faulkland, and -stepped again nimbly to the door. - -It will be best, said I, if we can hire a coach to carry us; there is no -necessity for our riding post, and we shall be less liable to -observation than if we were on horse-back. Mr Faulkland looked as if he -suspected some design; do you not mean, said he, to go directly back to -London? Certainly, I replied. And shall I see Mrs Arnold to-night? -Without doubt, if you desire it. Let us go then, said he; I think a -coach is a tedious way of travelling, but I submit to _your_ guidance. - -I left Sir George with him, and went out to enquire whether we could be -provided with a coach and four; which after some delay was procured for -us. We prevailed on Mr Faulkland, whilst it was getting ready, to take a -little refreshment. He asked us, by what means we were informed of his -departure. - -Sir George, unwilling to let him know that his servant had discovered -it, evaded the question; and only replied, Do you think, Faulkland, that -in the humour I left you, I could be inattentive to your motions? I am -not a madman, Bidulph, I must not be treated like one. I do not think -you one, answered your brother, but I know you are warm, and too -fearless of danger. - -When the coach was ready, Mr Faulkland very willingly got into it with -us. He spoke but little, and appeared very thoughtful during our -journey. - -The coachman stopped at an inn, after we had driven about fifteen miles, -to bate his horses for a while. He seemed startled at it, and said he -would not alight. We told him there was no occasion, but your brother -and I chose to go into the house, that he might not think we watched -him. He seemed pleased at this, and smiled when we set forward again, -but did not speak. - -When we arrived in London, Now, Sir, said I, we will, if you please, go -directly to Mrs Arnold's house. As I am sure your absenting yourself in -the manner you did, exceedingly afflicted her, so am I certain your -return will give her sincere joy. I am ready therefore to attend you -immediately to her; but if I may advise you, I think it were better that -I should first see and talk to her. It will be proper to prepare her, by -giving her at least one night to reflect on the important event, which I -expect will take place to-morrow. Sir George, what are your sentiments? -I am of your mind, replied your brother?; I think my sister ought by all -means to have so much time given her for recollection. If Faulkland has -no objection to it, we will go to my friend's house, where he was -before. When you have seen my sister you may come to us there with her -determination. - -I have submitted myself for the present, answered Mr Faulkland, to your -guidance. To-morrow remember I am to be at liberty. Bidulph, beware how -you watch my motions again. - -Your brother then directed the coachman to his friend's house, Mr -Faulkland not opposing the motion. I went in for a few minutes merely to -satisfy myself in what manner Mr Faulkland had escaped from thence in -order to inform you. - -Mr Faulkland was very urgent with me to go to you. Keep me not long in -suspence, Sir, said he, I may as well know my fate to-night, as -to-morrow. - -I left him with a promise to return with your final answer. You know -_my_ sentiments, you know your brother's, and it rests on you to -pronounce sentence of life or death (for your answer imports no less) on -a man who is worthy of the greatest queen in the universe. What do you -say, Mrs Arnold, must Faulkland die? - -Heaven forbid, cried I, no, Sir; I should be inflexible _indeed_, if, -after what you have told me, I were any longer to resist. I yield, Sir, -to your request, to Mr Faulkland's, and to my brother's; and I will own -at the same time that my heart strongly impels me to consent. Yet, my -dear Sir, believe me I should have resisted _that_ impulse, if I could -hope that my refusal would not be followed by consequences too dreadful -to be thought on. There is therefore _no_ alternative, I _must_ be the -wife of Mr Faulkland. - -The sooner the affair is finished then the better, said he; Faulkland -stands here on slippery ground; perhaps some of the Bond family may by -this time be arrived in England, and in pursuit of him; therefore let -your marriage be dispatched immediately, and send him away directly to -Holland. I suppose when he has made sure of you, he may be prevailed on -to go without you. Oh, Sir, said I, urge this request to him I beseech -you, it is of the last importance to me that he should comply with it, -and the only preliminary that I have now to make to our marriage. Yes, -yes, answered my kinsman, I think we shall convince him of the necessity -of this. I shall escort you to Holland myself, for I have business at -Rotterdam; and I had thoughts of taking the voyage, if this occasion had -not offered. We will but just stay to settle some affairs here, and -observe what measures can be taken for his service, and then follow him. -Take courage, my dear, continued he, seeing me look sad, all may come -right again. I love out-of-the-way adventures, and this I think _is_ -one. We will live like princes, let us go where we will. I only wish -that your brother were _against_ the match, that I might have the more -pleasure in forwarding it; but I need not grudge him that _once_ in his -life he has shewn some tokens of generosity. - -I will return to Faulkland, I long to set his noble heart at ease. -Strange perverse creatures your sex are! It amazes me that any thing -could tempt you to reject such a man! Were I a woman, I should run mad -for him. Well, I will go to him, and let him know without any farther -demurs you will give him your hand to-morrow morning. Our honest friend -Price I think may join you. I will call on him, after I have seen -Faulkland, to bid him prepare for the business. I will myself have the -pleasure of giving you away. Good by--and away he went with a pleased -busy countenance. - -I took up my pen as soon as he departed, and have scribbled thus far -without suffering any reflections to stop me. Let me now lay down my -pen, to pause before I leap into the frightful precipice that opens -before me.... To-morrow! Ah, my Cecilia, what is that morrow to produce? -it joins me for ever to Mr Faulkland! the chosen of my heart, my first -love! the man who adores me; who deserves all my affection, who has -obliged me beyond all recompence. Who has a claim to my warmest -gratitude, to my esteem, to my whole heart. I save his life, I have the -power to make him happy; my brother, my kinsman urge me; my own heart -too prompts me. Why cannot I then reconcile myself to my lot? Oh that -question is answered by a fearful image that starts up to my fancy--I am -not superstitious, yet believe me, my dear, I am at this instant chilled -with horror. - -I am ashamed to confess my weakness, but I must call Patty to sit with -me the remainder of the night. I cannot think of rest! - - - _Wednesday Morning_ - -I have passed the whole night in endeavouring to fortify my mind against -the important event that a few hours will accomplish. If Mr Faulkland's -mind should again become tranquil, which my kinsman gave me room to hope -would be the consequence of gratifying the ardent wish of his soul, I -must take care not to disturb it by shewing any reluctance in yielding -him my hand. Had an Angel _once_ told me that I should give my hand -_reluctantly_ to Mr Faulkland, I would not have believed it; yet fatally -circumstanced as our marriage _now_ is, it cannot be otherwise. - -And yet I _ought_ to be his. I owe him a great sacrifice, and I am about -to pay it. I am dressed and ready. I wait for my kinsman or my brother, -one of whom, or both perhaps, will be here presently.... Mr Warner is -come; I have but just time to tell you that my brother and Mr Price are -with Mr Faulkland. My kinsman says he is quite a new man. They wait for -me, I go. Heaven guide my steps.... - - - _Thursday_ - -My fate is accomplished! What a change! Join with me, my dear Cecilia, -in beseeching heaven to look graciously down on me in my new state, and -to guide and protect my beloved Mr Faulkland, my ever destined husband. -Alas! my dear, he is now many miles separated from me. - -The worthy Mr Price performed the sacred ceremony. Mr Warner did the -office of a father. He and my brother were all who were present. - -There is something so amazing in all this, I can scarce credit my -senses; but my life has been a series of strange, strange events! - -I am so bewildered, I cannot connect my thoughts; but I will try to give -you my yesterday's _vision_, for I can hardly persuade myself that what -I recollect really happened. - -I broke off just as Mr Warner called on me, to carry me to the house of -my brother's friend. - -While we were in the coach, he told me, that having the night before -informed Mr Faulkland of the joyful news of my consenting to marry him -the next day, he seemed at first to doubt, and repeatedly conjured him -not to deceive him; 'till having received the most solemn assurances of -its being true, Mr Faulkland gave himself up to such ecstacies as made -them apprehensive his joy might have effects almost as fatal in their -consequences, as his despair was likely to produce before. - -Mr Warner had a mind to lower him a little, and thought, by putting him -in mind of his danger, somewhat to allay his transports. - -Mrs Arnold's consent to make you happy, said he, fills me with extreme -joy; but it is not now a time to indulge it: you are here in peril of -your life; you must preserve it now for Mrs Arnold's sake. For Mrs -Arnold's sake! he replied, with ecstasy, yes, yes, 'tis now worth -preserving. Mr Warner, Kinsman, Friend of my life, (grasping his hand) -dispose of me as you please; you shall guide all my steps. Will not Mrs -Arnold go with me after we are made one? - -If, after having considered what may be urged to you on that head, you -should still continue to desire it, replied my cousin, she will without -doubt accompany you. But, my dear Sir, consider, circumstanced as you -now are, what will the world say, should she accompany your flight? It -will fix an indelible stain on her character, which is dearer to her -than life, and which I am sure, upon cooler thoughts, you will prize at -an equal value. This marriage will be a profound secret to the world; it -may remain so as long as we please. I have business in Holland, which -will demand my presence there in a very short time. Her accompanying me -thither can give rise to no suspicion. I will dispatch my affairs with -all possible speed, and conduct her to you. - -The joy that before lighted up his countenance, pursued my cousin, -seemed a little clouded. He took a turn or two about the room, as if to -consider of what I had said; then, addressing himself jointly to your -brother and me, You are both cooler than I am; perhaps you may judge -better; let me but call her _mine_, I will then do as you would have me. -I cannot determine on anything now. - -As soon as my sister and you are married, said Sir George, I think, -Faulkland, you ought to get out of England with all the speed you can. -It will be but a short absence; Sidney will soon follow you. What do you -purpose doing in regard to your son? I had forgot him, cried Mr -Faulkland. Poor child! My heart has been in such tumults since Mr Warner -came in, that I could think of nothing but the blessed news he has -brought me. But I must not neglect my boy. I will write to the honest -servant that I left behind; he shall bring him over: you, my dear -Bidulph, will take care of him, 'till an opportunity offers of sending -him to me. - -I hope there will be no need, replied your brother, of sending him out -of England; your affairs may yet turn out so as to permit your return -into your own country.--Impossible! interrupted Mr Faulkland; if Smyth -should ever recover, _his_ representation of the other accident cuts off -every hope. He will not, for his own sake, confess the truth, but impute -the error of my fatal hand to premeditated guilt. Heaven knows, base as -she was, I would not have attempted her life; but I was born to be the -avenger of those crimes into the commission of which I, perhaps, first -led her. As for the contemptible villain who wronged me, I do not repent -of the punishment I inflicted on him; though probably, had I been -allowed a moment's time for recollection, I might have taken vengeance -in a manner more worthy of myself. - -I was delighted, proceeded Mr Warner, to find him so cool and rational -in his reflections. He continued talking calmly and reasonably on the -subject of his misfortunes; but on the mention of your name, started -again into transports; but they now seemed to be only those of joy, upon -the prospect of what was to happen the next day. - -After I left him, I went to Mr Price, who promised to be in readiness at -the appointed hour. - -We were now got to the house of my brother's friend. Mr Warner led me up -stairs into the room, where Sir George, Mr Faulkland, and Mr Price, were -sitting together. - -Mr Faulkland was so agitated at the sight of me, that having risen to -salute me, he was not able to speak; but seizing both my hands, he -kissed them fervently one after the other, tears dropping on them as he -held them to his lips. Every one was silent; we were all too much -affected to speak. My brother was the first that broke silence. Well, -Faulkland, said he, have we not kept our promise? - -Mr Faulkland turned towards him: Oh, Bidulph, forgive me for doubting; I -am afraid I have used you ill: Can you pardon the madness that I was -driven to by despair?--Mr Warner, Mrs Arnold, I believe you think me -distracted. Indeed I am not. I was only--(and he seemed to hesitate for -a word) weary of life.--I thought I had lost every thing.--The world was -grown a desart.--No one in it for me. - -You formed a wrong judgment, my dear Sir, answered Mr Warner; you find -yourself now with your sincere friends; Sir George and myself are both -so; and your bride, your dear Mrs Arnold, is ready to give you her hand. -I _am_, Sir, said I, and if your happiness still depends on me, it gives -me joy that I have at length the power of _bestowing_ it. - -I have no _words_, he replied, I can _find_ none, it is all _here_; and -he laid his hand on his heart, his eyes fixed with delight on my face. - -I beheld him now, my Cecilia, in a light in which I had never before -viewed him; overwhelmed by misfortunes, of which I accused myself as -being the author. I saw him an exile, likely to be deprived of a noble -fortune, his heart pierced with remorse for an involuntary crime. I saw -too that he loved me; loved me with a fervent and unconquerable passion. -Of this, in the anguish of his soul, at a time when he was wrought up to -phrenzy, he had given but too strong demonstration. Shall I own it to -you, my Cecilia, I think I never loved him as I did in that moment. - -My heart was at once assailed by a variety of passions; amongst which, -gratitude, and the softest compassion, were predominant. - -I continued silent, whilst Mr Faulkland remained ardently gazing at me. - -My brother, I believe, thought us too solemn; the occasion indeed -required it: but his fears for Mr Faulkland made him wish to give the -scene a livelier turn. - -Come, sister, said he, let us not defer the happy event for which we are -now met, we have no time to waste in ceremony. You remember what our -mother used to say, 'Many things fall out between the cup and the lip.' -My brother rose off his chair as he said this. Mr Warner taking the -hint, approached, and took me by the hand, Let _me_, said he, to Mr -Faulkland, have the happiness of bestowing this best of Creatures on the -man that I think _best_ deserves her. - -Mr Faulkland made no reply; but in taking the hand that my kinsman put -into his, his looks spoke the rapture that swelled his heart; though I -saw he put a constraint upon himself, and endeavoured to assume a -deportment suitable to the important and solemn occasion. - -After the indissoluble knot was tied, my brother desired Mr Faulkland to -retire with him into the next room for a few minutes. - -I concluded it was in order to press his departure, and to prevail on -him to submit to going without me. - -This I found afterwards was the subject of their conversation. - -They returned to us in about a quarter of an hour, Mr Faulkland's -countenance less embarrassed than it was at going out of the room. On -their entering, Mr Price took his leave. My brother addressed Mr Warner -and me. Faulkland, said he, is convinced of the necessity there is for -his immediately withdrawing from England, and he is determined to depart -from hence at three o'clock to-morrow morning; for I would by no means -have him leave London by day-light, as we know not who may be on the -watch to trace his steps. He has consented that you, sister, should -remain behind till Mr Warner's affairs will permit him to conduct you -over. In the mean time, Master Faulkland is to be brought from Ireland; -and if you should not be ready to depart before his arrival, you may -take him over with you to Holland. - -Mr Faulkland seemed rather to _suffer_ my brother to make this -explanation for him, than to assent chearfully to it. Mr Warner and I -however laid hold of it, and immediately entered into discourse on the -subject of our domestic concerns, and the measures proper to be observed -on so critical an occasion. - -Mr Faulkland joined in the conversation with the utmost composure; and -to my unspeakable joy, seemed perfectly settled and collected in his -mind. I thought indeed he appeared a little constrained, and that he -seemed to keep a constant guard over himself, lest he should betray any -symptom of a too much heated imagination: but my kinsman afterwards -observed with pleasure to me, that this denoted nothing more than a -consciousness in Mr Faulkland of the unhappy wandering that had before -so much alarmed us all; and into which he was sure there was not the -least danger of his relapsing, as his heart was now perfectly at ease. - -Mr Faulkland told us he had letters to write to Ireland, which he would -dispatch, that he might have nothing to interrupt the few short hours we -had to pass together in the evening. - -Mr Warner said he had business to do that called him away, but that he -would return after dinner: and my brother (that Mr Faulkland might be -quite undisturbed) proposed my going home with him, and that we should -come back together in the afternoon. - -Mr Faulkland did not object to this, and I went with Sir George. - -We returned early in the afternoon to Mr Faulkland. As my brother had -let his friend into our secret, we passed up stairs without any notice -being taken of us. - -Mr Faulkland had writ two letters; one of them very long, to Mr Bond, -which he gave my brother to read, but I know not the contents of it. The -other was to that careful honest servant whom he had mentioned to us, -with orders to bring over Master Faulkland with all convenient speed, -and put him into Sir George's hand. - -Mr Warner but just called in upon us in the evening, he said he had been -making the necessary preparations for Mr Faulkland's journey; and that -having resolved himself to attend him as far as Harwich, he would, at -the hour appointed call on him in a coach, which should carry them a few -miles out of town, where the horses were to wait for them. - -Worthy, compassionate, and generous kinsman, how I love you for the -honest warmth of your heart! - -My brother and Mr Faulkland had a great deal of discourse about the -necessary measures that were to be taken by us all; and we passed the -evening in a kind of chastened satisfaction, which could not arise to -happiness from the near prospect we had of parting. - -About ten o'clock my brother took an affectionate leave of his friend, -he excused himself from accompanying him on his journey, on account of -Lady Sarah's not being well. - -To see _such_ a parting, would at another time have deeply affected me, -but my own hour of separation drew near. It came, and Mr Warner punctual -to his time, hurried Mr Faulkland almost by force into the coach, and -drove off with him. - -I threw myself into a chair which he had ordered for me, and was carried -home. I went not to bed; but had recourse to my pen. God preserve my -dear fugitive; I can do nothing but weep. - - - _July 2_ - -My mind was too much unsettled yesterday to dictate any thing coherent. -I am now, thank heaven, more composed. Sir George and Lady Sarah have -been with me during the greatest part of the day; both kind and -consoling. My brother seems to have all his former affection for me -revived in his heart; he is indeed charmed with my justice, as he calls -it. Lady Sarah, who at the bottom of her heart is no way concerned about -this event, affects however to think as her husband does, and commends -me for my generosity. - -I feel myself easier in proportion as I think Mr Faulkland gets farther -out of the reach of danger. Sir George says by this time he may be on -his voyage. - -I shall certainly wait till the child arrives, in order to take him -with me. My two little girls will be fond of such a brother, for he is -a charming boy. - -My brother flatters me with a possibility at least of Major Smyth's -recovering; and if so, he says that Mr Faulkland may stand his trial for -the other accident, as he is in hopes Smyth will not persist in his -villainy so far as to add perjury to his other crimes. - -I have but little expectations of justice from so bad a man, but I would -not discourage my friends in their endeavours to comfort me. - - - _July 3_ - -Mr Warner is returned from Harwich, after having seen Mr Faulkland safe -on board the packet, and even under sail for Holland. - -What a benevolent heart has this good relation of mine! Indeed I dearly -love and respect him. His return has revived my spirits, and I begin to -lose my fears. He brought me a short letter from Mr Faulkland; short it -is, but his heart speaks in every syllable of it. I will not give you -the contents, my Cecilia, you will think it too extravagant, too -romantic, for a husband to write so to his wife. - - - _July 6_ - -I long, yet dread to hear accounts from Ireland. I fear that wretched -Smyth is dead. No mail has arrived from thence these eight days. -Contrary winds they tell me detain the packets on the other side very -often for a fortnight together. If that be so, how fortunate was Mr -Faulkland in seizing on a lucky hour for his departure from the Irish -shore. - -I suppose Mr Bond's family, whom he must have rendered very unhappy, -particularly the daughter, are all now his implacable enemies; and are -tormenting themselves in being detained from the pursuit of their -vengeance. But let them come now when they will, he is far out of the -reach of his foes. - -I would it were possible for my Cecilia, to arrive in England before my -departure for Holland. Indeed, my dear, I shall not be sorry if I am -detained from Mr Faulkland, till I have the happiness of first embracing -you, as our separation may be afterwards of a long continuance. I shall -wait for the arrival of Master Faulkland, and who knows what adverse -winds may detain him till your return. O! that I may pass though it be -but one day, with the dear companion of my youth before we are again -divided! - -I will not send this packet off, till I am ready to depart from -England, as that will be closing an important period of my life. What -would I give that my dearest friend would come, and instead of this -tedious narrative which I have written, receive the account from my own -lips! If my wishes should not be granted in this, cannot you make -Holland your way home? Mr Faulkland purposes staying at the Hague till I -go to him. - - - _July 9_ - -Cecilia! have I been a murmurer at the decrees of providence? have I -been an impious repiner when heaven has poured down its wrath upon my -head? if not, why am I marked out for divine vengeance? before I lose my -senses, or my life, for both I cannot retain, hear the last act of your -friend's tragic story. - -My brother called on me this day; he gave me a letter directed to Mr -Faulkland, which came under a cover to him. Read it, said he, it is from -Ireland, and may contain something material for us to know. - -It was from the honest servant Mr Faulkland left behind him. See what he -says, and then tell me if I ought to live any longer. - - 'Honoured Sir, - - 'I have the happiness to send you a piece of good news, which made - me wish for wings to have flown over to you with it. - - 'My lady, Heaven be praised, is not dead, nor so much as hurt. I - am thankful for this, Sir, on your account, not her's. - - 'I don't know what possessed the people at Mr Bond's, to tell me - she was dead; the mistake, to be sure, was occasioned by the great - confusion the family were thrown into, and indeed, from what I - myself saw, I was sure she was actually dead. - - 'Major Smyth lived 'till the surgeon came; but had been speechless - for two or three hours, and died whilst his wound was probing. - - 'My lady had only fallen into a fit, and the major having bled - prodigiously, she received a great deal of his blood upon her - linen, and as he afterwards contrived to throw himself on the bed, - which was at some distance from the place where she had fallen, it - gave occasion to Mrs Bond (who was herself the first person that - entered the room, after the sad accident) on finding my lady lying - senseless, pale, and bloody, on the floor, to suppose she had been - killed. - - 'This alarm ran through the family, and was confirmed to me by - every one in it, as we servants soon quitted the chamber; and the - major himself said, that you had discharged one of the pistols at - your lady, and the other at him. - - 'I returned to Mr Bond's in the morning, after you were gone off, - to enquire whether Major Smyth was alive or not; he was just then - dead. - - 'The waiting-maid informed me, that my lady, to their great - surprize, was recovered, having only been in a fainting fit, which - held her above an hour, without her shewing any signs of life; and - that she had fallen from one to another 'till morning: and she - farther said (begging your honour's pardon) it would be no great - matter if she had died in one; for she believed it was for no good - she went into the major's room at that time of the night. - - 'I staid about the house all the day to pick up what intelligence - I could from the servants. Young Mr Bond, with two or three men, - went to your house, and not finding you there, I suppose, rode in - pursuit of you; but, Heaven be praised, you have escaped their - hands. - - 'The waiting-maid, who is a very civil young woman, told me, in - the evening, that my lady, being come a little to herself (though - I believe not in her right mind) was informed of the major's - death; at which she was so exceedingly terrified, that finding - herself ill besides, she confessed the whole truth of the matter, - and proved, that the major died with a lie in his mouth: so that I - hope Mr Bond's family will not be so spiteful as to prosecute the - affair any farther. - - 'My lady was sent home directly in the chariot, as they could not - bear the sight of her any longer in the house. She takes on - mightily; but we all bless ourselves, that she is alive. - - 'I shall make bold to inclose this, according to your order, to - Sir George Bidulph; and as soon as I receive your commands about - Master, shall make no delay in this unlucky place. I am. - - 'Honoured Sir, - 'Your dutiful and obedient servant, - 'FREDERICK HILDY.' - - - _June 26_ - -Adieu, my Cecilia, adieu; nothing but my death should close such a scene -as this. - -Here, to the editor's great disappointment, Mrs Arnold's interesting -story broke off; that unhappy lady not having continued her journal any -farther. - -But as this seemed to be one of the most affecting periods of her life, -his curiosity induced him to enquire of the gentleman from whom he -received those papers whether he could give him any farther light into -her story; as he thought it not improbable that he might have learned, -from his mother, some other particulars relating to her. - -His friend told him, that he knew his mother had drawn up a narrative of -the subsequent remarkable events in the life of Mrs Arnold, at the -request of a particular friend; that he had once heard it read; but, as -he was then a boy, it made but little impression upon him; that -afterwards, when he wanted to have his curiosity gratified, his mother -told him, she could not find the manuscript, and feared it was lost. -However, he said, he would search her papers and, if he recovered it, it -should be at his service. - -After some time, the gentleman informed the editor, that he had made the -strictest scrutiny into his mother's papers, and could find nothing -relative to the subject of Mrs Arnold, excepting a few loose sheets, -which seemed to have been the foul copy of the beginning of her -narrative; and, at the same time, put them into his hands. - -These the editor offers to the publick, as he received them, without any -alteration or addition. - - - - - CECILIA'S NARRATIVE, &c. - - BEING A SUPPLEMENT TO MRS ARNOLD'S JOURNAL - - -I set out on my return to England, immediately after the receipt of her -last journal, the melancholy close of which had exceedingly terrified -and afflicted me. - -Immediately on my arrival in London, I flew to the dear friend of my -heart; she was still at her house, in Pall-mall. - -I found the dear Sidney alone, in her bed-chamber. She had been prepared -to receive me; but though I had endeavoured to arm myself with -resolution for this affecting interview, I was not mistress of myself at -the sight of her. - -The tears I shed did not spring from that sweet emotion, which long -severed friends feel at seeing each other again; I wept in sorrow for -the heavy misfortunes of the best of women. - -But Mrs Arnold, still herself, and superior to adversity, received me -with the tenderest marks of friendship, and with a composure that amazed -me. - -Piety, meekness, and patience, were ever Mrs Arnold's characteristics; -and they now all appeared blended, and so strongly impressed on her -beautiful face, that I could not look at her without admiration. - -As I was astonished to find her so calm under so trying an affliction, I -could not help expressing myself to that purpose; but Mrs Arnold checked -me, with this reply: 'I have been set up as a mark, my Cecilia; let me -fulfil the intention of my Maker, by shewing a perfect resignation to -His will. I hope, my task is almost finished, and that he will soon -permit me to return to the dust from which I came.' - -Frederick Hildy had arrived from Ireland above a fortnight before, with -Master Faulkland, a beautiful child of about five years old. They were -both lodged in Mrs Arnold's house. - -She told me, that Sir George Bidulph and Mr Warner had set out together -for Holland, immediately after the receipt of the letter, which informed -them of Mrs Faulkland's being alive. - -My brother, said Mrs Arnold, thought it necessary himself to be the -bearer of news so fatal in its import to his friend. He hoped besides he -should be able to return and stand his trial for having killed Major -Smyth, as there is no doubt of his being acquitted; all Mr Bond's family -being now convinced, from Mrs Faulkland's own confession, that there was -nothing premeditated in this fatal event, and that what Mr Faulkland -did, was in defence of his own life. - -I have writ, continued she, to Mr Faulkland, to endeavour to console him -under our mutual misfortune. - -At my request, she shewed me a copy, of this letter; wherein she assured -him, she would take the tenderest care of his son, 'till the child could -be delivered safe into his hands; and conjured him, for that child's -sake, to be careful of his own interest and preservation; adding, that -as their ill fated marriage was an absolute secret to every one but the -persons immediately concerned, she hoped he would not suffer the -thoughts of it to break in upon his future quiet; and concluded with -beseeching him to forget her, as they were never more to meet. - -This was the substance of what she wrote. There were no murmurings at -her fate, no womanish complainings, mixed with the tender, yet noble -sentiments of her heart. She endeavoured to conceal her own anguish -under the mask of contentment, that Mr Faulkland might the better -support this final destruction of all his hopes. - -I asked her, whether she had heard since from Mr Faulkland? She told me -she had as yet received no answer from him to this letter, but that she -had heard severally from Sir George and Mr Warner, who both informed -her, that Mr Faulkland, after his first transports of surprize and grief -were over, at receiving this new and unexpected blow, had grown more -calm, and seemed inclined to return with them to England. Sir George -added, in the last letter she had from him, that they only waited 'till -Mr Warner had accomplished the business that he had to do in Holland, -and hoped, before a fortnight was at an end, to return home, and to have -the pleasure of conducting Mr Faulkland back. - -It is ten days, continued Mrs Arnold, since I received this account, and -I flatter myself, that they may now be on their journey homeward. - -Mrs Arnold said, that she waited but for Sir George's return, in order -to deliver Master Faulkland into his hands, and that she then meant to -retire into the country, with her two children, and Patty, the faithful -companion and partner of her grief. - -Lady Sarah Bidulph, who would gladly have gone with Sir George to -Holland, had been persuaded by him to stay behind, in order to bear his -sister company in her affliction; and Mrs Arnold said, she had dedicated -much of her time to that friendly purpose. - -Her Ladyship came to pay her a visit whilst I was there. I had never -seen Lady Sarah before; and we were introduced to each other. - -I took my leave of Mrs Arnold, and promised to see her again the next -day. - -In the morning, as I was preparing to go to her, I received a note from -Lady Sarah Bidulph, earnestly requesting the favour of seeing me, at her -house, in St James's Square, before I went to Mrs Arnold. - -I obeyed this unexpected summons, and immediately waited on her. - -I took the liberty, Madam, said she, of desiring to see you here this -morning, at Sir George's request: he arrived late last night, and brings -most melancholy news from Holland. - -Sir George entered the room while she spoke. After the first greeting of -friends long parted were over, I am afraid to ask, Sir George, said I, -yet am impatient to learn something of Mr Faulkland, your lady has -terribly alarmed me; Mr Faulkland is not returned; I dare not enquire -the reason. Tears instantly sprung into Sir George's eyes. He returns no -more, said he, his remains are soon to be conveyed to England to be laid -with his ancestors. - -Ah, Sir, cried I, what will poor Mrs Arnold say to this fresh -misfortune? - -It was on that account Madam, he replied, that we are now requested to -speak with you, before you saw my sister. You, who are her bosom friend, -can more tenderly disclose this melancholy event than any one. I have -not the courage to see her. We must beg of you, dear Madam, to prepare -the unhappy Sidney for the news. - -I asked him the manner of Mr Faulkland's death. I cannot positively say, -answered Sir George, but much I fear he precipitated his own fate. - -Mr Warner, or I, constantly staid with him from the time we disclosed -the fatal account we brought concerning Mrs Faulkland. Knowing as we did -the violence of his temper, we were apprehensive of sudden and dreadful -consequences; but he deceived us both; for after the first starts of -passion were over, which though they shocked, did not alarm us, as we -expected them, he assumed a calm resignation to his fate; and talked -with such a rational composure of the strange circumstances of this -incident, that we began to entertain hopes, that the efforts of his -reason, joined to our constant endeavours to sooth and console him, -would in time so far succeed, and though we never expected to see him -restored to a tranquil state of mind, we yet flattered ourselves he -would submit to life upon such terms as Providence thought fit to impose -on him. - -I was with him, proceeded Sir George, when he received a letter from my -sister. His hands shook so on perceiving by the superscription that it -came from her, that he let the letter drop. Read it for me, Bidulph, -said he, and tell me how it fares with Mrs Arnold. - -I instantly complied with his request. I found by the date of the letter -that it had been delayed much longer than it ought to have been, which I -immediately observed to him, as he had often expressed his uneasiness at -not hearing from my sister. - -Mrs Arnold is well, said I, giving him the letter; read what it says, -and let her teach you fortitude. - -He withdrew to a window to peruse it. After he had read it, I admire -your sister's stoicism, said he, stepping back to his chair. This is -true philosophy, laying his finger on the letter which he still held in -his hand. _Her_ heroic soul is still unmoved, and above the reach of -adversity. Happy Mrs Arnold--What a vain fool was I to think that such a -mind as _hers_ could be subdued. He paused and seemed for a while buried -in thought. Then putting the letter up in his pocket, he began to -discourse on some other topic. - -We passed the evening together, continued Sir George, and though -Faulkland was far from being chearful, I thought he appeared more -tranquil than he had done since my arrival. - -I talked to him of his returning to England with me. He said with a -smile, I think I ought to go if it were for no other reason but that I -may have my dust mingled with that of my forefathers; and this office, -Bidulph, I expect from you, if you should outlive me. - -I laughed at him, and said I thought he had a much more material reason -that pressed his return. - -Your estate, said I, is unsettled; and if you were to die abroad in the -predicament in which you now stand, what is to become of your son? - -I have already done for my son, said he, all that I thought in justice -was in my power to do: I have long ago settled my personal fortune on -him, that in case my next heirs should on account of the illegitimacy of -his birth, claim the family estate, he may have a handsome support -without it. - -And indeed I never wished to debar my lawful heirs in favour of this -child; though I love him tenderly, and they are worthless people, whom I -despise, and with whom I never had any intercourse. - -I replied, if that were so, as the manner of the child's birth was a -secret, I wished he might, undisturbed, inherit his father's fortune, -when he should come to pay the last debt to nature. - -He answered, where such a vast property was at stake, there would not be -people wanting whose interest would engage them to discover the secret; -and he doubted not but the irregularity of his wife's conduct, had -already occasioned enquiries to be made. - -Supposing, said I, you had had another son by Mrs Faulkland since your -marriage--as you could have no objection to the bequeathing your fortune -to him, would it not have appeared strange in the eyes of the world that -you should disinherit your eldest son. - -It might have appeared so, said he, but I certainly should have done it: -and for that reason, as I have no child but him, I have made such a -disposition of my fortune as I now tell you. If I live, I may increase -my son's patrimony; if not, he must be contented with that which I have -bequeathed to him, and let my kindred scramble for the rest. - -We staid together till it was late; he discoursed on a variety of -subjects, but mentioned not my sister's name during the whole time. - -I thought I left him well, and his mind tolerably composed. We were to -set out on our return in six days; but an account was brought to me in -the morning, that Mr Faulkland was found dead in his bed. - -There were no symptoms discovered on the body that could let us into the -occasion of his death; but as my own fears suggested too much, I chose -not to be particular in my enquiries. Wishing rather that his fatal -story should be buried in silence. - -Mr Warner found that his affairs were likely to delay him longer than -the time proposed; and as I had nothing farther to detain me in Holland, -I set out the day after my unfortunate friend's death, leaving to Mr -Warner, the care of conveying his remains to England, agreeably to the -desire he had expressed, which I now considered as his last injunction -laid on me. - -Thus, proceeded Sir George, by a series of fatal events, each of which -was occasioned by motives in themselves laudable, has one of the bravest -and most noble-minded men on earth been cut off in the prime of his -youth--O! Faulkland, why did you suffer that gallant spirit to be -vanquished?-- - -Sir George's emotion stopped his farther speech, I was too much affected -to say any thing to him, but took a hasty leave of Lady Sarah, in order -to go to Mrs Arnold. - -As soon as I entered my friend's room Cecilia, said she, if your -countenance be as faithful an interpreter of your mind as it used to be, -you have some thing disastrous to relate; you may say anything, -misfortune and I have been so familiar, I shall not shrink as its -approach. - -Sir George is returned, I replied, you will see him to-day. - -Is he come alone, she asked? Alone, I replied. You but repeat my words, -Cecilia, without adding any thing from yourself. Shall I interpret the -meaning of that mournful echo? Mr Faulkland no longer lives! - -I was silent--Oh I knew him too well, said she, raising her voice with -energy, to think he would survive this last blow. - -His death was natural, said I, for any thing that appears to the -contrary. God be praised for that, cried Mrs Arnold! _If_ so, I am -satisfied that he is at peace. - -She then enquired after Mr Warner, and her brother, without making any -farther mention of Mr Faulkland. - -Whilst we were in discourse, Master Faulkland ran into the room. He had -been at play with the two little Miss Arnolds, who were in pursuit of -him, And he flew to Mrs Arnold to hide him. She folded him tenderly in -her arms; then turning to me, Look at this boy, said she, he is the -perfect image of his father. - -When am I to go to my papa, cried the child, as he hung round her neck? -This innocent unexpected demand quite vanquished Mrs Arnold's fortitude. -She set him down without being able to answer his question, then said, -Excuse me, my Cecilia, I would wish to be alone for to-day. It was not -yet a season to administer consolation, and I withdrew. - -She staid in London but two days after this; when, as she had before -resolved, she retired to an estate in Buckinghamshire, which her kinsman -had purchased and settled on her for ever. - -With her brother's consent, she took Master Faulkland with her, and -prevailed on Mr Price to accompany her into the country, to whom she -committed the care of the child's education. - -Mr Warner, whom she had acquainted by letter with her intention, -approved of the step she had taken. He returned to England in about -three weeks after her departure from her house in town, which she had -left for his reception just as he had fitted it up for her. - -Before I accompany Mrs Arnold into her solitude, I shall just briefly -mention some other persons who were connected with her story. - -The relations of Mr Faulkland, as he had foreseen, claimed his estate, -and at length obtained it, the illegitimacy of the child being proved. - -The wretched Mrs Faulkland, abandoned and despised, returned to England; -but as she was there hated and shunned by every one, she remained in -obscurity for a few years, and then died unpitied and unlamented. - -I now return to Mrs Arnold, who, settled in her quiet retreat in the -country, it might be hoped would have passed the remainder of her days -undisturbed by any new calamity. - -That only source of true heroism of soul, religion, had all along -supported, and prevented her from sinking under the most trying -afflictions. Many and bitter were the sufferings she had already -endured; but she was, to use her own words, _Set up as a mark_; and the -deep afflictions that still pursued her, and clouded even her latter -days with misfortunes, may serve to shew that it is not _here_ that true -virtue is to look for its reward. I saw her at a time when this -reflection, as it had been her chief, so was it her last and only -consolation. - -Possessed as she was of an admirable understanding, and an enlarged -mind, in the deepest solitude she had always resources of entertainment -within herself. Her natural disposition ever sweet and complying, was -improved by her sufferings into a patience very rare in woman; and a -resignation imbibed at first from a rigid education, was heightened by -religion into an almost saint-like meekness and humility. - -I shall pass over the first ten years of her retirement, in which -nothing material happened but the marriage of the amiable Patty Main to -a gentleman of a large estate, and the death of her worthy kinsman Mr -Warner, who bequeathed her his whole fortune. - -Miss Arnold, her eldest daughter, was now something more than fifteen, -and fulfilled the promise her childhood gave, of her being a perfect -beauty, Miss Cecilia was about a year younger, and though not so -handsome as her sister, was accounted one of the finest young ladies of -her time. - -With what delight have I seen this excellent mother, while these two -charming young creatures were all attention, relate to them the -extraordinary and affecting incidents of her life. - -This, said she, I do, not as a murmurer at my fate, nor to move your -pity at my misfortunes, but to teach you by my example, that there is no -situation in life exempt from trouble. It found _me_ under the tender -care of the best of parents, it pursued me into my husband's house. In -my virgin state, when I was a wife, and in my widowhood, I was equally -persecuted. - -Poverty, I once thought, would have exempted me from every ill, but what -its own hand inflicted; and had it remained my companion, the bitterest -misfortune of my love would have been prevented; for, if wealth had not -accompanied my hand, the world could not have persuaded me to yield it -to Mr Faulkland. - -Do not therefore pride yourselves on the great fortunes you are likely -to possess: I have received no other satisfaction in mine, than what -arose from the benefits I have conferred on others. - -By such lessons as these, did this tender parent endeavour to fortify -their young minds against the vicissitudes of fortune, and to teach them -not to place their confidence in riches. - -She dwelt so often upon this theme, that she seemed to have a -presentiment of those evils, which were now ready to pour in like a -torrent upon her. - -Gracious Heaven! how inscrutable are thy ways! Her affluent fortune, the -very circumstance which seemed to promise her, in the eve of life, some -compensation for the miseries she had endured in her early days, now -proved the source of new and dreadful calamities to her, which, by -involving the unhappy daughters of an unhappy mother in scenes of the -most exquisite distress, cut off from her even the last resource of hope -in this life, and rendered the close of her history still more.... - - * * * * * - -Here the lady's narrative breaks off, and the editor, not having it in -his power, after the most diligent enquiry, to recover any more of the -manuscript, is, to his great mortification, compelled to offer this -fragment. - - - _The END of the_ THIRD VOLUME. - - - - -Transcriber's Notes - -Spelling varies and is, generally, retained. However, there were a -number of errors which involved transposition of characters, as well as -missing or redundant characters which were most likely made by the -printer. These have been checked against a contemporary edition, and -corrected where necessary. The phrase 'to bed' is frequently, though -not always, hyphenated as 'to-bed'. - -Proper names are frequently elided with a dash, of varying lengths. All -have been rendered as '----' (e.g. V----'s). - - - p. 4 which [in/it] inculcates Corrected. - - p. 22 since you went abroad[,/.] Corrected. - - p. 25 a[im/mi]able of men Transposition corrected. - - p. 30 things _are_ b[r]ought Removed. - - p. 37 You[r] unknown friend Added. - - p. 41 [t/T]hat for his part Corrected. - - p. 54 Bi[d]dulph Removed. - - p. 56 (begging their pardons[)./,)] Corrected. - - p. 77 unluck[l]y Removed. - - p. 86 likewise[s] Removed. - - p. 96 the death of her hu[bs/sb]and Transposition corrected. - - p. 118 conn[n]ections Removed. - - p. 120 to dine wi[ht/th] Transposition corrected. - - p. 124 I will swear your hu[bs/sb]and Transposition corrected. - - p. 127 requ[i]ring Added. - - p. 134 r[e]gret Added. - h[i]mself Added. - - p. 136 [i]n her eyes Added. - - p. 148 w[i]th sorrow and remorse Added. - - p. 154 [']Now, as Faulkland Added opening quote. - - p. 165 Our route was settled[;]: Removed. - I told her[e] Removed. - - p. 176 dis[t]interested Removed. - - p. 180 threatened me with death[./,] I - should have Corrected. - - p. 181 sailing w[ti/it]h an imperial port Transposition corrected. - - p. 183 qui[et/te] against my inclination Transposition corrected. - - p. 192 determ[in]ed Added. - - p. 200 poss[s]ession Removed. - - p. 203 physic[i]an Added. - - p. 209 li[t]tle gleam of pleasure Added. - - p. 214 be[ ]sure Missing space added. - compassion[a]te Added. - - p. 219 intreaties[s] Removed. - seemed to app[r]ove Added. - - p. 228 drank a dish of coffee, but [eat] - nothing _sic._ - in our power.['] Added missing quote. - - p. 234 you and your hu[bs/sb]and Transposition corrected. - - p. 237 th[a]t looked like a slight Added. - - p. 238 mort[g]age Added. - affir[m]ative Added. - - p. 239 pass[i]onately Added. - - p. 240 thought _pretended_ illness[);/,)] Corrected. - - p. 254 satisfact[i]on Added. - - p. 258 oc[c]asion Added. - - p. 269 ladysh[i]p Added. - - p. 271 conversat[i]on Added. - - p. 283 should lady Bidulp[o]h Removed. - - p. 289 f[ma/am]ily Transposition corrected. - - p. 290 possib[i]lity Added. - - p. 293 ass[u/i]duity Corrected. - - p. 295 [']You have now Added opening quote. - - p. 303 [ow/wo]men Transposition corrected. - - p. 307 wor[l]dly attachments Added. - - p. 315 [']A just reparation Added opening quote. - - p. 324 depart[a]ure Removed. - - p. 326 behav[i]our Added. - - p. 339 I had them both brought [it/in] Corrected. - - p. 344 pr[ia/ai]se Transposition corrected. - - p. 365 circumsta[cn/nc]es Transposition corrected. - - p. 378 man[n] Removed. - - p. 385 some[ht/th]ing Transposition corrected. - - p. 388 to [live/leave] my children greatly - provided for Corrected. - - p. 391 exc[e]pted Added. - - p. 393 three or four [M/m]onths Corrected. - - p. 411 When [h/w]e arrived in London Corrected. - I am of your mind, replied your - brother[?/;] Corrected. - - p. 415 despa[i]r Added. - - p. 425 I dare not[,] enquire Removed. - - p. 426 stoi[s]cism Corrected. - - p. 429 committ[e]d Added. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Memoirs of Miss Sidney Biddulph, by -Frances Sheridan - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MEMOIRS OF MISS SIDNEY BIDDULPH *** - -***** This file should be named 43437-8.txt or 43437-8.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/4/3/4/3/43437/ - -Produced by KD Weeks, Delphine Lettau and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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