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Cuey-na-Gael - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: An Irishman's Difficulties with the Dutch Language - -Author: N.A. Cuey-na-Gael - -Release Date: July 29, 2013 [EBook #43349] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK AN IRISHMAN'S DIFFICULTIES *** - - - - -Produced by eagkw, Jeroen Hellingman and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - -</pre> - - -<div class="figcenter"> -<img id="coverpage" src="images/cover.jpg" width="500" height="730" alt="Cover" /> -</div> - -<div class="centered" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl"> -<div class="bbox"> -<p class="ad1" xml:lang="en" lang="en">BY THE SAME WRITER</p> - - -<p class="ad2" xml:lang="en" lang="en">“IRELAND—ITS HUMOUR AND PATHOS”</p> - -<p xml:lang="en" lang="en">Full of humour, pathos, imagination and poetry.</p> - -<p>Wij hebben telkens gelachen om geestige uitvallen, -typische anecdoten, droog-komisch, zonder gewildheid, -maar wij zijn ook geroerd door het mooie in het karakter -der Ieren, hun vaderlandsliefde en melancholie.</p> - -<p class="r1" xml:lang="en" lang="en">A most interesting study.... graceful.... bright and -readable. <span class="flr">(<cite>Brit. Weekly.</cite>)</span></p> - -<p class="r1">Geestig en pathetisch. <span class="flr">(<cite>N. Gron. Courant.</cite>)</span></p> - -<p class="r1">Vol humor en geest—weemoed en melancholie. -<span class="flr">(<cite>Dor. Courant.</cite>)</span></p> - -<p class="r1">Ingenaaid <b>90</b> ct. <span class="flr">Gebonden f <b>1.25</b></span></p> - -<hr class="l3" /> - -<p class="ad3" xml:lang="en" lang="en">O’NEILL’s FURTHER<br /> -ADVENTURES IN HOLLAND.</p> - -<p class="ad4" xml:lang="en" lang="en">PRESS NOTICES.</p> - -<p>Ingenaaid <b>90</b> ct. <span class="flr">Gebonden f <b>1.25</b></span></p> - -<p>Thans kregen we de avonturen van O’Neill te hooren -op een auto-tochtje, waarbij hij te gast gaat bij een vriendelijke -boerenfamilie. O’Neill heeft razenden honger, maar -tot zijn onuitsprekelijke verbazing krijgt hij niets te eten, -ofschoon hij toch op elk vriendelijk aanbod even vriendelijk -antwoordt: “dank u wel”, hierbij een getrouwe -vertaling gevend van ’t Engelsche: “thank you”, zonder -echter ’t verschil in beteekenis van beide uitdrukkingen -te kennen.</p> - -<p><i>Zijn belet vragen, zijn verwarring met biljet, en belet -krijgen en geven, zijn avonturen met den Dagtrein, die -altijd ’s nachts gaat omdat het een D-trein is, een trein, -die geen belet heeft en waarvoor geen belet gevraagd -behoeft te worden</i>,—het was alles niet om na te vertellen -maar om het uit te gieren.</p> -</div></div> - -<hr class="l2" /> - - -<h1>An Irishman’s Difficulties<br /> -with the Dutch Language</h1> - -<p class="tp1"><span class="f8">BY</span><br /> -<b>CUEY-NA-GAEL</b></p> - -<hr class="l4" /> -<p class="tp2">FOURTH EDITION</p> -<hr class="l4" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<img src="images/logo.png" width="100" height="192" alt="Logo" /> -</div> - -<p class="tp3"><span class="smcap">J. M. Bredée’s Boekh. en Uitgevers-Mij.</span><br /> - -<span class="f8">ROTTERDAM</span></p> - -<hr class="l2" /> - - -<hr class="l5" /> -<p class="tp4">N.V. DRUKKERIJ V/H KOCH & KNUTTEL, GOUDA.</p> - -<hr class="l2" /> - - -<h2><a name="INTRODUCTION" id="INTRODUCTION"><span lang="la" xml:lang="la">INTRODUCTION.</span></a></h2> - - -<p class="right"><span class="smcap">Haarlem</span>, March 1908.</p> - -<p class="center"><i>Dear Cuey-na-Gael</i>,</p> - -<p>Thank you ever so much for the pleasure you -gave me by sending me the account of your friend -O’Neill’s experiences in our country.</p> - -<p>It is excellent fun and the whole thing is full -of quiet humour.</p> - -<p>It cannot but be highly appreciated by all Dutch -people who are trying to master the difficulties of -English, and often despair of finding the right word -for the right place. To all such it will be quite a -treat to see how their vernacular puzzled your fellow-countryman.</p> - -<p>The booklet fully deserves a place in the libraries -of our H. B. Schools and Gymnasiums, and is sure -to find one there.</p> - -<p>Wishing you all possible success with your publication,</p> - -<p class="right"> -<span class="spr8">I remain</span><br /> -<span class="spr2">Yours very truly,</span><br /> -C. HEYMAN.<br /> -</p> - -<hr class="l2" /> - - -<p class="permission">For permission to give recitations -or readings from -this book application should -be made to the Publisher.</p> - -<hr class="l2" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_vii" id="Page_vii">[vii]</a></span></p> - - -<h2><a name="CONTENTS" id="CONTENTS">CONTENTS.</a></h2> - - -<div class="center"> -<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="Contents"> -<tr> - <th> </th> - <th>Page.</th> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col2">Introduction.</td> - <td class="col3"><a href="#INTRODUCTION">v</a></td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col1" colspan="2">Chapter I.</td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col2">O’Neill’s Great Plans</td> - <td class="col3"><a href="#CHAPTER_I">1</a></td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col1" colspan="2">Chapter II.</td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col2">Grammar and Phrase Book</td> - <td class="col3"><a href="#CHAPTER_II">6</a></td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col1" colspan="2">Chapter III.</td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col2">The Recitations in the Wood</td> - <td class="col3"><a href="#CHAPTER_III">18</a></td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col1" colspan="2">Chapter IV.</td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col2">The Purchase of the Pens</td> - <td class="col3"><a href="#CHAPTER_IV">22</a></td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col1" colspan="2">Chapter V.</td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col2">Local Colour</td> - <td class="col3"><a href="#CHAPTER_V">31</a></td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col1" colspan="2">Chapter VI.</td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col2">A Wash-List in Dutch</td> - <td class="col3"><a href="#CHAPTER_VI">37</a><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_viii" id="Page_viii">[viii]</a></span></td></tr> -<tr> - <td class="col1" colspan="2">Chapter VII.</td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col2">Some Misunderstandings</td> - <td class="col3"><a href="#CHAPTER_VII">48</a></td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col1" colspan="2">Chapter VIII.</td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col2">Out for a Walk</td> - <td class="col3"><a href="#CHAPTER_VIII">52</a></td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col1" colspan="2">Chapter IX.</td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col2">The Quest of Mijnheer Hiernaast</td> - <td class="col3"><a href="#CHAPTER_IX">68</a></td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col1" colspan="2">Chapter X.</td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col2">The Parcel Post</td> - <td class="col3"><a href="#CHAPTER_X">77</a></td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col1" colspan="2">Chapter XI.</td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col2">A Successful Interview</td> - <td class="col3"><a href="#CHAPTER_XI">89</a></td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col1" colspan="2">Chapter XII.</td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col2">Dutch Correspondence</td> - <td class="col3"><a href="#CHAPTER_XII">100</a></td> -</tr> -</table></div> - -<hr class="l1" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[1]</a></span></p> - - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_I" id="CHAPTER_I">CHAPTER I.</a><br /><br /> - -<small>O’NEILL’S GREAT PLANS.</small></h2> - - -<p>We were seated one November evening in -O’Neill’s rooms in Trinity College Dublin when the -conversation turned on modern languages.</p> - -<p>Each had his own story to tell, but we waited -in vain for our host to unbosom himself on the -subject of Dutch. Yet he was understood to have -had thrilling experiences in the Hague in August.</p> - -<p>By a few gentle hints we endeavoured to -elicit from him some talk about his linguistic -adventures, and, not succeeding very well, I at last -asked him point-blank if he didn’t find Dutch -hard.</p> - -<p>“Yes”, said O’Neill promptly, in answer to my -question. “Yes: it certainly <em>is</em> hard!” he repeated, -as he balanced the poker, preparatory to smashing<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span> -the biggest piece of coal on the fire. “Why the -whole thing’s next to impossible!”</p> - -<div class="sidenote">O’NEILL’S GREAT PLANS.</div> - -<p>There was something in his tone that sounded -promising. He had a grievance evidently against -the language; and there was a sufficient amount -of suppressed irritation in his voice to indicate -that there might be entertaining disclosures at -hand.</p> - -<p>Jack O’Neill had worked too closely at his -mathematics the winter before, and had taken a -long holiday in summer. A month of this he had -spent in Holland to master the Dutch language, he -said, and get a good general acquaintance with Dutch -Literature. These had been great plans, and we were -naturally eager to learn how they had succeeded. -We had seen, however, very little of Jack since -his return, as he had been most of the time at his -aunt’s place in Connemara. Now that he was back -at Trinity safe and sound, we naturally expected to -get the news sooner or later. The conditions were -so favourable that evening for a talker to spin his -yarn, that we were all impatience for Jack to begin. -We settled ourselves comfortably to listen; but he -did not seem in a hurry to unfold this particular tale.</p> - -<p>We had already heard from him a great deal<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span> -about William the Silent, and more than a great -deal about Dutch art, but not a word about the -Dutch language.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">HUNTING IDIOMS IN THE DARK.</div> - -<p>Our next-door neighbours, the “Professor” and -the “Philosopher”—two students from the Cape -who were working for their degree—were as interested -as I was, in O’Neill’s Dutch, and they -used to drop in to hear what was going on.</p> - -<p>It was the third evening they had called; and -as it was clear that Jack was somewhat reticent -about his “linguistics”, we had to guide him gently -to the subject.</p> - -<p>“Nonsense!” I said again. “<em>You</em> had no difficulty. -You made yourself understood from the -first. You wrote me that.”</p> - -<p>“Well,” said Jack, sitting bolt upright, “I know -better now; and I stopped talking Dutch when -I began to understand myself. You have to -hunt in the dark,” he explained, “to catch the -exact word or the proper idiom—and a man -likes to know what he is talking about, himself. -The language isn’t child’s play, that’s the truth. -But it’s a fine country. You should see the -light when—”</p> - -<div class="sidenote">O’NEILL’S GREAT PLANS.</div> - -<p>“Oh,” said the Philosopher, “we don’t want to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span> -hear any more about the country. Please not. We -know all about those azure heavens and the -infinite horizons and the scrumbled distances and -the Rembrandt cattle, and all that. Why, man, I’ll -undertake to draw from your own rhapsodies about -those pictures an absolutely correct copy of (say) -Paul Potter’s ‘Night Watch’, or van der Helst’s -‘Anatomy Lesson’, or Mesdag’s ‘Lost-Chord’, and the -canals and the clouds and the chiaro-oscuro. You -needn’t go over them again”.</p> - -<p>“But I thought”, piped the First year’s man, -who always came in with the Professor and never -quite comprehended what was going on, “I thought -that the ‘Night Watch’ was not by Paul Potter. Surely -the ‘Night Watch’ and the ‘Anatomy Lesson’ are -two well-known pictures by Remb—” “Never -mind what you thought!” interrupted the Professor. -“Don’t think, it’s bad for your constitution. And -above all things don’t try to be accurate, or you’ll -get yourself into trouble.”</p> - -<p>“The Philosopher’s right,” I urged. “Our minds -are a chaos after O’Neill’s descriptions. We’ll only -pardon you, Jack, all that golden haze and the -Rembrandts, if you condescend to plain facts. Tell -us now about your Dutch. Do. We’re absolutely<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span> -thirsting for an account of your adventures. Or -were you too timid to embark on the open sea -of the <em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">taal</em>, sticking cravenly to English all the -time? Why I thought you had more <em>go</em>.”</p> - -<div class="sidenote">MASTERING DUTCH IN A FORTNIGHT.</div> - -<p>“Mr. O’Neill promised to master the language -in the first fortnight”, chimed in the First Year’s -man in his high boyish voice, “and to finish the -principal Dutch classics in the second fortnight. -Those were his very words.”</p> - -<hr class="l1" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span></p> - - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_II" id="CHAPTER_II">CHAPTER II.</a><br /><br /> - -<small>GRAMMAR AND PHRASE BOOK.</small></h2> - - -<p>“Well”, said O’Neill with a kind of sickly -smile, “I didn’t get so very much time, you see, -either for the Literature or for the Language. -Of course there was much sight-seeing, and—I -spent a good deal of time over the pictures, -which——”</p> - -<p>The Philosopher shut his eyes, heaved an audible -sigh, but said nothing.</p> - -<p>“And”, continued Jack hastily without seeming -to notice the interruption, “my efforts to speak -Dutch were not always appreciated”.</p> - -<p>“Really?” said the First Year’s man, with -sudden interest.</p> - -<p>“Go on”, said the Professor, “now you’re -started”.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">JA AND NEEN.</div> - -<p>“You soon left your hotel for lodgings?” I -added enquiringly.</p> - -<p>“Well, you see,” he resumed, “I was afraid I’d -never pick up the language. There is no chance of -practice unless you get away from everybody that -speaks English. That was not too easy, I tell you. -But Enderby helped me, and we searched about -the Hague for two whole days. At last we found -perfectly charming rooms opposite a canal; the landlady -didn’t know a word of English. She knew -Dutch, though, all right. Fluent, did you say? -I should think she was. A perfect marvel. No need -of the dictionary, you know.—Verbs all in their -proper places—and plenty of them!</p> - -<div class="sidenote">WILL YOU BITE?</div> - -<p>Enderby told her all I required, and then went -away. It was like being thrown into the sea, as you -may guess; but I imagined I should soon learn to -swim. There’s nothing like being cast completely -on your own resources, they say. Still it was a bit -awkward at coffee-time, when the landlady came -up and talked. She poured forth a rapid and resistless -stream of friendly Dutch upon me, while I -nodded in the intervals and tried to think. It was -a very one-sided business. I was very hungry, too, -and wanted luncheon. Now there was abundance of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span> -this unequal kind of conversation, but no lunch in -sight, so I—(remember I knew only <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">ja</span> and <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">neen</span>, -and was not very sure of them, either)—I just -pointed gracefully to my lips to indicate that I -needed food. That produced an immediate effect—a -torrent of eloquence forcibly delivered and -ending with some enquiry about <em>biting</em>!</p> - -<p>I shook my head and said “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Neen, neen!</span> You -put it too crudely—luncheon—eat—eat.”</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">O ja</span>,” she replied, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">best. Eten—eten om -vijf uur—vijf.</span>” And she held out one hand -with the fingers spread. It seemed to me she was -swearing there was enough food in the house to -satisfy a hungry Irishman.</p> - -<p>“Good—so far,” I returned. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ja, ja!</span>”</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">En mynheer wil niet ontbijten?</span>” she rejoined. -This was the <em>biting</em> again, so I said decidedly, -“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Neen; niet bijte</span>”. She seemed surprised and a -little hurt, but she said nothing and went away. -And of course I had to fast until five o’clock.</p> - -<p>This would never do, I felt; and that evening -I bought the first grammar and dictionary I could -lay my hands on at a second-hand bookstall in the -<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Binnenhof</span>.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">THE PURCHASE OF THE BOOKS.</div> - -<p>They were antique looking volumes, most of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span> -them there; and my books had a remarkably -ancient aspect. But I was glad to find that I had -completed the purchase of them without using one -word of English. How? Oh, the method’s very -simple. You pick out some big book you don’t -want, and hold it up interrogatively.</p> - -<p>You <em>can</em> hold up a book interrogatively, you know, -with a little practice. Well, you lift some rubbishy, -bulky volume that you wouldn’t be paid to put in -your library, and you give it a sort of enquiring -wave in front of the vendor of these second-hand -goods, and the vendor immediately understands -your picturesque query to be “How much?” He -answers promptly, and you as promptly drop the -rubbishy fat volume, as if it was a scorpion: you -sigh resignedly, raise your eyebrows and walk away -disgusted.</p> - -<p>That is the first step. That is to give him respect -for your intelligence and to indicate your willingness -to negociate on reasonable terms.</p> - -<p>The next step is different. You linger with an -air of disdain at the tail-end of the bookstall; and, -as an after-thought—just as you are moving off—you -halt a moment and flick the particular work you -do happen to want, with a careless forefinger or the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span> -point of your walking-stick. At once the man talks, -and you say “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Nee</span>”.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">THE PURCHASE OF THE BOOKS.</div> - -<p>He talks more. You say, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Neen, neen</span>” and -shake your head sadly. He talks still more, and -gesticulates excitedly with the book in his hand. You -wait till he stops for breath, then suddenly interject, -“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ja; best</span>,” taking care to put down a large silver -coin,—and the article is yours! The negotiation -is over; and all you have to do is to gather up -your purchase and a quantity of small silver and -copper coins that you get as change. Then with a -little patience at home and some arithmetic you -can count out—approximately—how much the -things have cost you. That’s the way you buy -second-hand books.”</p> - -<p>“I had no idea, Jack, you had such a genius for -diplomacy,” I murmured, as O’Neill evidently expected -us to say something.</p> - -<p>“Or for finance,” added the First Year’s Man.</p> - -<p>“Did your medieval purchases do all for you that -you expected?” enquired the Philosopher.</p> - -<p>“Well, hardly,” said Jack.</p> - -<p>“After my first success I somewhat underestimated -the difficulties of the idiom. But I worked hard at -the grammar.”</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote">A LITERARY FIND.</div> - -<p>“Ah! a Grammar?” interrupted the Professor. -“Did you say you acquired a Grammar? I am -interested. Could you manage to describe those -volumes now, if it’s not too great a strain?”</p> - -<p>“Oh, the books!” resumed O’Neill. “Well—there -was a little fat Dictionary, closely printed, -with Dutch into English and English into Dutch; -and there was a handsome new Phrase-book in -brilliant colours, containing conversations on the -most unlikely topics. But I admit the Grammar -Exercise-book was the gem of the collection. It -was printed on a kind of dusky paper, something -like blot-sheet, and it bore the date 1807. It had -six hundred and thirty-one exercises, double ones, -Dutch into English and English into Dutch—and -contained many idioms, hints, exceptions, and explanations. -In warnings, foot-notes, and asterisks it was -particularly rich. Not a few pages were ornamented -with <i lang="la" xml:lang="la">Nota Bene’s</i> of various brands, with hands, -large and small, drawing attention to them. The -English of this manual was very odd, and by and -by I got the impression that the Dutch was rather -shaky too. Not that I guessed this at first, you -may be sure; but it gradually dawned upon me.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">A PLENTIFUL HARVEST.</div> - -<p>I took a certain pride in my treasures, and set<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span> -about studying them with zeal. No doubt it was -disappointing just at the beginning to read: <em>Nota -Bene—No one but a Dutchman can emit this -sound</em>; or this: “N. B. *.*.*. <em>This sound must -be heard.</em> It is <em>something like U</em> but cannot -be otherwise described. It cannot be represented -by any known letters. Foreigners need not try it.”</p> - -<p>But I skipped over these obstacles, mastered the -verbs ‘to be’ and ‘to have’, in their elements, got -an idea of the way to construct plurals and diminutives, -and went to sleep content.</p> - -<p>Next morning after breakfast—which by the -bye came up all right, without any special effort -on my part—, remembering that I needed pens -and ink I determined to go out and buy them -myself.</p> - -<div class="lft"> -<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" summary="pens"> -<tr> - <td class="col5"><i>Have you pens?</i></td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col5"><i>Give me pens, please.</i></td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col5"><i>Thank you.</i></td> -</tr> -</table> -</div> - -<p>That is all I seemed to require.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">HURDLES.</div> - -<p><i>Have you?</i> Well; that is not so simple as it -looks. I consulted the Grammar and was appalled -to see the amazing variety of choice afforded to -any one in Holland who contemplated asking this -innocent question.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span></p> - -<div class="lft" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl"> -<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" summary="have you"> -<tr> - <td class="col4" rowspan="4"> -<img src="images/accolade3cm.png" width="12" height="85" alt="accolade" /></td> - <td class="col5">hebt gij</td> - <td class="col4a" rowspan="5"> -<img src="images/accolade4cm.png" width="12" height="113" alt="accolade" /></td> - <td class="col5">hebt U</td> - <td><span class="spl1"> </span></td> - <td class="col5">Hebt gij(lieden)</td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col5">hebt ge</td> - <td class="col5">heeft U</td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col5">heb je</td> - <td class="col5">heeft UEdele</td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col5">heb jij</td> - <td class="col5">heeft Ue</td> -</tr><tr> - <td> </td> - <td> </td> - <td class="col5">heeft Uès</td> -</tr> -</table></div> - -<p>I looked carefully at this curious form. Yes, -wherever it occurred, there were marks of parenthesis -tied round the (<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">lieden</span>). How was I to pronounce -those brackets? The vowels and the usual -consonants I had learnt already were very trying. -But what about those marks? Did they denote a -cough, or a sneeze or gentlemanly tap of your foot -on the ground? On the whole I thought I should -best represent them by two graceful waves of the -hand—one for each bracket.</p> - -<div class="lft" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl"> -<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" summary="gijlieden"> - -<tr> - <td class="col5">hebt gij(lieden)</td> - <td class="col5a">with brackets carefully fenced - round the(<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">lieden</span>)</td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col5">hebt jullie</td> -</tr><tr> - <td class="col5">heb jelui</td> -</tr> -</table></div> - -<div class="sidenote">THE VERB OF THE SEASON.</div> - -<p>I counted them over. There are twelve ways of -saying <i>Have you</i> in Dutch. That was distinctly -suggestive, it seemed to me at the first brush, of -the twelve months of the year. You could begin -in January with <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hebt gij</span>, in February you would -have <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hebt ge</span>, and so you could work on through<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span> -the months, keeping your grammar and your chronology -going, side by side, through the seasons till -you would emerge safely near Christmas with <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Heb -jelui.</span> This theory was not without its attractions. -But what would happen in passing, say, from June -to July, if you forgot what day of the month it -was? If it was July the first and you imagined it -was June the thirtieth, you would be talking bad -grammar! No: that would never do. My brilliant -conjecture had soon to be abandoned as fanciful, -and I was very sorry.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">THE TWELVE SIGNS OF THE ZODIAC.</div> - -<p>But the facts of the case were dead against the -obvious chronological arrangement, though they were -by no means easily grasped. There were asterisks -and foot-notes to all these zodiacal forms; and a -great deal of solid reading had to be gone through -before you got at the relative force of any particular -term. The erudition was distracting, and the warnings -were positively alarming, but after much -painstaking investigation I seemed to perceive three -grand principles emerging.”</p> - -<p>“Yes?” we all said together, as O’Neill paused -for breath. “And these were?—”</p> - -<p>“In the first place,” resumed Jack deliberately, -checking off the principles upon his fingers.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote">THREE PRINCIPLES.</div> - -<p>I. “Never say <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">je</span> or <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">jij</span> to a man unless you -mean to insult him.”</p> - -<p>II. In the second place, <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">je</span> and <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">jij</span> may be freely -used on all occasions, if you only know how.</p> - -<p>“But”, said the First Year’s Man, “you just -said that...”</p> - -<p>“And,” continued O’Neill firmly, not heeding -the interruption, “and you may use the Third -Person of the verb for the Second and the Second -for the Third; and you may use a Plural for a -Singular and a Singular for a Plural; and you may -use <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">U</span> for <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">UE</span>, and <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">UE</span> for <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">UEdele</span>; you use <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">jij</span> -for <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">je</span>, and <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">je</span> for <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">ge</span>, and <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">ge</span> for <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">gij</span>, and you use -<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">jullie</span> for <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">gy(lieden)</span> with brackets round the <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">lieden</span>; -but no one now ever does say <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">gy(lieden)</span> with -brackets round the <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">lieden</span>, except in poetry; and -nobody in any circumstances ever uses <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">UEdele</span> -except when dining with members of the Royal -Family. Then you are allowed to utter this vocable -once, and must maintain a discreet silence during the -rest of the repast.”</p> - -<p>“Where do you get all that rubbish?” I asked -in disgust.</p> - -<p>“Boyton and Brandnetel”, he answered glibly, -“page 52.”</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span></p> - -<p>“At least”, he added, “it was something like -that. That gives you a good general idea of the -thing.”</p> - -<p>“When you are quite done with Boyton,” said -the Professor slowly, “when your education’s finished, -you know, I’ll make you a reasonably high offer -for that book. Boyton would relieve the tedium of -my philological studies, I can see.”</p> - -<p>“Perhaps,” interposed the First Year Incorrigible, -“perhaps Mr. O’Neill’s accuracy was all used -up in his Artistic Studies. That would leave none -for the grammar.”</p> - -<p>“That’s a nice way to put it,” said the Philosopher. -“Please curb your imagination, O’Neill; -stick as near to probability as you can—without -too great pain to yourself—and we’ll not be hard -upon you. Wasn’t there a third clear principle that -emerged in the course of your investigations?”</p> - -<p>“Oh, yes”, said O’Neill with some show of caution. -“As nearly as I can remember, it was this:</p> - -<p>III. Never say <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">jou</span>; and avoid <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">UE</span> except in correspondence. -You are warned against any approach -to familiarity in the use of pronouns. The courteous -form is <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">UEdele</span>. <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Gij</span> more respectful than -<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">jij</span>. <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Je</span> is a term of endearment.”</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote">A WARNING NOTE.</div> - -<p>“But,” objected the First Year’s Man, “it doesn’t -seem to hang together, for you said just now—”</p> - -<p>“No debating allowed,” growled the Philosopher.</p> - -<p>“Hurry up, O’Neill, with those general principles.”</p> - -<p>“Oh, that’s all of them,” said Jack, “all at -present.” “Well, to resume my story, I picked out -the most harmless of the <i>have you’s</i>, and was -proceeding to work out the formula for ‘Have you -pens,’ when to my consternation my eye fell on a -dreadful warning, a kind of threat.</p> - -<p><i>N.B. Important!—The foreigner is distinctly -given to understand that he must commit to memory -some polite phrases before engaging in conversation -(see page 201) and study the chief sentences of a -good phrase book. All pronouns savouring of familiarity -are to be carefully avoided.</i></p> - -<hr class="l1" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span></p> - - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_III" id="CHAPTER_III">CHAPTER III.</a><br /><br /> - -<small>THE RECITATIONS IN THE WOOD.</small></h2> - - -<p>You may be sure that made me rather diffident -till I had mastered some of these ‘polite phrases’. -Polite they were, and no mistake—why French -was nothing to it!—and I got the very nicest -of them well into my head. I went round to -Enderby’s, and he put me on the way of pronouncing -the words. Then I took a whole morning -in <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Het Bosch</span> and recited them to myself -aloud. When no one was in sight I allowed myself -some freedom of utterance; and once I thought -I must have startled with my <i lang="la" xml:lang="la">ore rotundo</i> an -artist who was plying his harmless calling unseen -behind a clump of trees. At least some one retired -very hastily after I had delivered, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Doe zooveel -moeite niet</span>”, three times with a vigorous rising<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span> -inflection and four times with the falling inflection, -followed in each case by the rhetorical pause. From the -deserted easel I judged it must have been an artist. He -withdrew at a good pace, and never once looked back.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">A SUSPICIOUS POLICEMAN.</div> - -<p>These and similar polite idioms I repeated -over some hundreds of times, till I knew them -backwards and forwards and every way, and could -have rattled them off in my sleep. Then there -was some difficulty in avoiding the policemen in -the wood. They kept prowling about after I had -incautiously experimented on the first one with, -“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Mynheer! ik wensch U goeden morgen; ik hoop -dat ik U niet stoor. Vaarwel.</span>” He had looked -amazed at this; so, as a parting shot—a sort -of courteous Good Bye—I added gaily, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ik bid -U maak geen complimenten.</span>” It was this that made -the trouble, as he looked distinctly displeased, not -to say suspicious. When he heard the words first, -he had stood speechless, transfixed. Then he followed -me home and hung about the street—I -could see him from my window—for over half -an hour. I feared my pronouns had been too familiar, -though I couldn’t see how to change them, -for there they were in the book. On the whole -I concluded I had been a trifle abrupt, and with<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span> -renewed vigour I set to and committed a host of -apologetic phrases such as: “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ik bid U verschoon -mij. Duizendmaal vergiffenis. Het heeft niets te beduiden.</span>” -A pretty little triplet caught my ear and -I took rather a fancy to it: “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Het geeft niets—het -hindert niet—het komt er niet op aan.</span>”</p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">DUIZENDMAAL VERGIFFENIS.</div> - -<p>It was a little puzzling to disentangle some of -the courteous introductions from the sentences in -which they stood; and occasionally I committed to -memory somewhat more than I needed. This was -the case with a sentence that greatly took my -fancy. It was an apology to an imaginary gentleman -in a tram-car for having trodden on his foot. -It seemed odd to provide yourself so soon for such -contingency; but of course the book knew best. -Well, from constantly seeing the two parts of this -sentence together I got into the way mechanically -of associating the one phrase with the other. Thus -when repeating that engaging expression “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Duizendmaal -vergiffenis</span>”, I was accustomed to follow it -up by, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">dat ik op Uw teen heb getrapt</span>,” either -in my own mind or audibly, for the sake of practice. -From the first this polite sentence was a great -favourite of mine, and I was soon able to repeat -it with the utmost fluency and ease. So well did<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span> -I know it, indeed, after two day’s practice that I -was tempted to seek occasion for its use, and in -getting into the tram-car. I was half disposed to -brush, accidentally, against any object in the way -for the sake of working off my courteous apology. -But that sort of thing has unexpected consequences; -and I came to the conclusion that it is more philosophic -to learn too little than to learn too much. -<span lang="la" xml:lang="la">Ne quid nimis</span>, you know.”</p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">DAT IK OP UW TEEN HEB GETRAPT.</div> - -<p>“Oh, leave metaphysics to me,” said the Philosopher, -“and go on with your story. You wanted -to buy pens? Did you get them?”</p> - -<p>“Not at first,” answered O’ Neill shamefacedly, -“but I’ll tell you about it”.</p> - -<hr class="l1" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span></p> - - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IV" id="CHAPTER_IV">CHAPTER IV.</a><br /><br /> - -<small>THE PURCHASE OF THE PENS.</small></h2> - - -<p>“And what”, said I, “might be the particular -difficulty of saying <em>pens</em> in Dutch? You had a -dictionary?”</p> - -<p>“Dictionary indeed!” retorted O’Neill with some -heat. “Commend me to a dictionary for leading -you astray.”</p> - -<div class="sidenote">THE VALUE OF DIMINUTIVES.</div> - -<p>There was a penholder in the room, so what I -needed was only nibs. Having already with much -pain made my selection among the <em>have you’s</em>, -I now looked up <em>nib</em> in the dictionary. Nib was -represented by five words, three of which seemed -likely enough to be right, i. e. <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">neb</i>, <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">punt</i>, and -<i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">snavel</i>. Accordingly I wrote these down and worked -out their plurals and diminutives. The doubtful -ones I kept in reserve. Why did I fancy diminutives?<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span> -Oh, the grammar put me on the way of finding -them, and I got quite partial to their use. It is -such a comfort, you know, they are all neuter. -You can put <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">het</i> in front of one, and then it’s -safe for nominative or accusative, wherever it drops -in the sentence.</p> - -<p>Thus armed for the fray, and confiding in my -grammar and dictionary, I sallied forth to buy -those nibs.</p> - -<p>There was no use in going to a large shop, for -experience had taught me I should at once be -accosted there in English; so I wandered about -till I discovered a kind of small general warehouse -in an obscure street. Making sure, by a careful -inspection from without, that pens were among -the commodities sold in this place, I muttered a -polite phrase or two below my breath, cleared -my throat, and entered boldly. There was a big -good-natured man reading behind the counter. No -one else was in the shop. The circumstances simply -couldn’t be more propitious for beginning the difficult -art of Dutch conversation.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Mynheer!</span>” said the big man, putting down -the newspaper and looking at me amiably over his -spectacles.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">NEBBETJES.</div> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Mynheer!</span>” I replied, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ik wensch U goeden -morgen.</span>”</p> - -<p>In the momentary pause that I was obliged to -make, to get my polite phrase properly by the end, -he rose up and said in an encouraging, friendly -manner, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Wat wou Mynheer?</span>”</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Mynheer</span>”, I returned, confident in the correctness -of phrase number two, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Mag ik U beleefd -verzoeken mij mede te deelen, verkoopt jullie nebben—of -nebs?</span>”</p> - -<p>He eyed me steadily for half a minute and then -exclaimed:</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Blief?</span>”</p> - -<p>I said “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Blief</span>” too.</p> - -<p>But I had to go over it again. He shook his -head: “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Nebs—Nebs? Wat bedoelt Mynheer?</span>”</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Heeft UE nebs,—of nebben?</span>” I said—“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">of -nebbetjes?</span>”</p> - -<p>The last variations were of my own invention, -thrown out as suggestions merely in order to make -sure of catching the correct plural. The Grammar—Boyton, -you know—had been strong on -diminutives; hence I thought “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">nebbetjes</span>” might -make things clear. Apparently it did, for a deep -voice at my elbow said, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Voor paling</span>”, and I<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span> -turned round to see a red-faced sailor with rings -in his ears, nodding and smiling. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ja, ja, ik weet -het wel</span>,” he said to the shopman; “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Mynheer gaat -visschen</span>,” adding confidentially for my benefit, -“Engelsman always feesh.”</p> - -<p>Before I had made out what this friendly mariner -wanted to be at, the shopman had produced a -tiny fishing-rod and tackle, which he planted down -before me with an air of triumph, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Als ’t U blieft, -Mynheer!</span>”</p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">POENTEKENS.</div> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Neen—Ik bid U</span>”—I explained, grasping -for my manuscript. A glance at the document told -me that the next word for nib was <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">punt</i>, plural -probably “<i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">punten</i>”, pronunciation doubtful.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Mynheer</span>”, I said, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">zou U zoo goed willen -wezen my te zeggen.... verkoopt UE poenten?</span>”</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Wat zegt U, Mynheer?</span>”</p> - -<p>I explained “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Zou U zoo goed willen zijn mij beleefd -te zeggen en te verwittigen, verkoopt UEdele -poenten of poentekens?</span>”</p> - -<p>I put in the “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">UEdele</span>” once, you see, to propitiate -the shopman, who was growing flurried, as -the shop was beginning now to fill with customers. -He didn’t seem, however, more than half pleased at -being called “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">UEdele</span>”; so I determined to give him<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span> -another pronoun next time—there was plenty of -choice without touching on the despised “jy.”</p> - -<div class="sidenote">A <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">STUMPER</span>.</div> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ik bid U verschoon my!.... Mag ik beleefd -verzoeken, verkoopt gy (lieden) spitsen?</span>” When I came -to the brackets of the (<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">lieden</span>) I expressed them -vaguely by a graceful sweep of both hands.</p> - -<p>No; he shrugged his shoulders in good-natured -perplexity; he didn’t understand; and indeed my -rendering of the (<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">lieden</span>) may have confused him.</p> - -<p>Then in dumb show I wrote with an imaginary -pen on an imaginary piece of paper, saying very -distinctly, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">poent!</span>” “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">spits!</span>” “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">poent!</span>” A light -seemed suddenly to dawn upon him; he went to a -drawer and brought out crayons and pencils, and -reached me a stumper,—one of those soft pointed -things for rubbing in mountains and clouds, on a -pencil sketch. It was such a surprise after the fishing -rod that I involuntarily exclaimed, “Hallo! a -stumper!” Well, as that harmless English term -seemed to ruffle him somewhat, I hurried to my -next word. This word by the way I had written -twice, having misspelled it the first time. Now as -I stooped down to make it out, my nautical friend, -whose interest in me had never flagged, read it -before me: “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Swavel! mynheer wou swavel.</span>”</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">SNAVEL—<span xml:lang="en" lang="en">NOT</span> SWAVEL.</div> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hoeveel?</span>” said the shopman impatiently.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Voor dit</span>,” I replied, putting down a five-penny -piece.</p> - -<p>He mumbled something about <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">swavel</span> to a message-boy, -who forthwith left the shop; and I sat down -to wait. It was a vast relief to cease speaking Dutch -for a few minutes; and yet I felt uneasily conscious -that there was a mistake somewhere. The shop was -filled with pens, so that if I was really buying -pens now—as I hoped I was—there was no -need for the message-boy to go elsewhere.</p> - -<p>On calmly examining my notes I detected the -error. The sailor had read the word in the first rough -draft instead of the corrected copy. I started up -hurriedly and went to the counter through the -crowd.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Duizendmaal vergiffenis!</span>” I said. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Verschoon -my. Ik veroorzaak U veel moeite.</span>”</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ja mynheer</span>,” he replied patiently.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Niet zwavel hier</span>,” I said, pointing to my paper. -‘I have drawn my pencil through it,’ I wanted to -say, but of course couldn’t. Then a happy thought -struck me. Say I have a line through it—<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">streepje</span> -is the grammar word for a little line.</p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">EEN STREEPJE DOOR.</div> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Mijnheer</span>,” I explained, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">niet zwavel hier;<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span> -zwavel niet. Ik heb een streepje door het.</span>” Well, -would you believe me, that was the most successful -remark I had made as yet? I expected that -he would be irritated by my mistake and apology. -No such thing. He received my statement with -unbounded delight. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ja, ja</span>,” he said, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">dat geloof -ik ook; dat geloof ik ook.</span>”</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Wel zeker</span>,” I continued pleasantly, glad to see -him take it in such good part. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Een streepje door.</span>”</p> - -<p>With that they all turned to one another and -smiled and nodded to me quite merrily, as if I had -said something clever. It shows what a literary -people the Dutch are, that they are pleased beyond -measure when a foreigner in conversation refers to -any small technicality out of the grammar. Indeed -so encouraged was I by all this enthusiasm that I -boldly made use of my remaining words.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Mynheer! wilt u mij toestaan U te vragen..... -verkoopt gy snavels?</span>”</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Snavels</span>,” I repeated as he stared,—“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">of snaveltjes</span>”.</p> - -<p>He gasped a moment, as if taken utterly by -surprise; then ran behind the counter into a little -dark room, where I could hear him make a succession -of curious muffled sounds. The noise subsided,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span> -and he seemed to tell the story to somebody. A -white face peered out from behind the lace curtains—and -the chuckling was renewed. Now this was -all very puzzling—but it was quite clear that -‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">snavel</span>’ was not the usual term for ‘pen’.</p> - -<div class="sidenote"><span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">HOENDERHOK</span> WAS ALWAYS DOUBTFUL.</div> - -<p>Here the little errand-boy entered with a package -which he thrust into my hand.</p> - -<p>Sulphur!</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Heelemaal neen</span>,” I said.</p> - -<p>I was vainly endeavouring to get him to take -it back, when the shopman reappeared from his -dark den as grave as a judge, and I turned to him.</p> - -<p>There was one word left. It might be right, -though I had doubted it from the first; but I -would try. It was a long word, too, and from the -root of the first part, it promised to have something -to do with fowls. Thus I conjectured that its -meaning might be ‘quill pen’; but my confidence -in the dictionary was by this time much shaken.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Wilt gij my toestaan</span>”, I said, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">U te vragen?</span>” -“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ja, mijnheer!</span>” he replied expectantly.</p> - -<p>Then I got a little confused, and no wonder. -“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Durf ik zoo beleefd te kunnen zijn!... om mij -mede te deelen en ... mij te verwittigen?</span>” I lost -myself again. It’s easy to begin a Dutch conversation<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span> -but hard to get out of it with honour. Like a drowning -man clutching at a straw I grasped at something: -“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Verkoopt jullie hoenderhokken ... of hoenderhokkjes?</span>”</p> - -<div class="sidenote">THE UMBRELLA TO THE RESCUE.</div> - -<p>He said nothing—did not even look at me—but -moved his hands helplessly, as if subduing some -strong emotion. I did not press this word on him, -as I scarcely ever use quill pens; and it was as -likely as not that the dictionary had failed me again.</p> - -<p>I set him at his ease by a courteous phrase -or two. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Het geeft niets—het hindert niet—het -komt er niet op aan.</span>” Then refraining from -further speech, I pointed out some nibs with my -umbrella, and, having secured a box of excellent -J pens, made good my retreat under cover of a -friendly phrase or two: “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Mijnheer! het spijt mij -zeer; maar ik moet afscheid nemen. Vaarwel.</span>”</p> - -<p>It had been rather a strain, and I was glad to -get out again into the open air. On the way home -I could think it all over calmly, and at leisure I -deduced that most useful principle <em>never to use -more than one word out of the dictionary for -one word of English</em>.</p> - -<hr class="l1" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span></p> - - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_V" id="CHAPTER_V">CHAPTER V.</a><br /><br /> - -<small>LOCAL COLOUR.</small></h2> - - -<p>After these efforts I judged it wise to take a -day or two’s rest from the actual practice of -Dutch conversation till my nerves had recovered -their tone, and until I had mastered more of the -grammar and the idiom. I was the more concerned -to do so as Enderby, to whom I had -related my purchase of the pens, told me that -my language on that occasion had been much -too stiff and formal. For the purpose then of -acquiring an everyday vocabulary I listened -attentively to the talk in the streets and tram-cars. -Most of it was unintelligible to me, but -I caught up some vigorous and happy phrases -here and there. These I soon learned to pronounce -in a kind of way, but it was difficult to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span> -get at their exact meaning, for many popular -idioms did not appear in my dictionary at all.</p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">SCHEI UIT! SCHIET OP! TOE DAN!</div> - -<p>There was a vocable that occasioned me some -perplexity—indeed a haze envelopes it still. It -sounded like <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Eris</i>, but had nothing to do with -the Goddess of Strife. It doesn’t seem to have any -particular signification, and you can introduce it -anywhere to give a finish to your style. Some people -were fond of <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">evetjes</i>, a word of the same class, -on which none of my books shed the least light. -Though my authorities were likewise silent about -<i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Toe! toe dan</i>, I perceived that this was the proper -expression for courteous appeal, and as such -I have always used it, with confidence and success.</p> - -<p>Two curious imperative moods, which were popular -at the street corners, I did find in my grammar. -They belong to that provoking category of words -that, as you touch them carelessly, break up into -smaller verbs and prepositions. I used to compare -them mentally to those lizards that drop their tails -when you handle them roughly. Only instead of -tails these <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">werkwoorden</i> drop their <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">voorzetsels</i>, which -turn up again unexpectedly in distant parts of the -sentence. One of these “lizards” was <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">schei uit</i>, which -means indifferently, ‘stop talking now’, ‘analyse it’<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</a></span> -and ‘go away’. It was pleasant to hear so scientific -a term as <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">schei er uit</span> or <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">schiet nouw op</span> (shoot up -now, aim high) used so often. I soon became quite -dexterous in employing them myself. On the whole -I got little help from my dictionary in tracing out -the idioms of everyday live. Two interrogative particles, -for example, without which the lower classes, -when excited, could hardly ask a question, were -quite ignored both by Boyton and the <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Woordenboek</span>. -The were <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Zaliku</i> and <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Woujeme</i>. I was left to conjecture -the force of these particles—that they -were forcible I could see—might remotely resemble -that of the familiar <span lang="la" xml:lang="la">num</span> or <span lang="la" xml:lang="la">nonne</span> of Latin.</p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">GUNST! HEUS! MIS!</div> - -<p>Occasionally animated interlocutors became suddenly -oracular: their flow of language stopped and -they uttered some one solitary syllable such -as <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Gunst!</i> or <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">heus!</i> or <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">mis!</i> or <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">raak!</i> These single -shots were often most effective, but I never could -imitate them successfully. <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ach!</i> was safe mostly -for “I’m sorry”; <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Och!</i> for “I don’t care”; and I -discovered a treasure in <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hé!</i> That is a contraction -for “Do you really mean it?” On the other hand -<i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hè!</i> I found was “Shocking!” “How very dreadful!” -When I used these little words I seemed never -quite to hit the bull’s eye, however. Invariably I<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</a></span> -said either more or less than I intended. But I made -very good play with pretty triplets like <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">’t zal wel</i>, -and <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">schei er uit</i>, and with expressions of approval: -<i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">da’s leuk</i>, <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">aardig hoor</i>, <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">och kom</i>. It gives a vivid -local colour to your conversation if you drop in now -and again a homely fresh idiom caught from the -lips of the people. That prevents one’s vocabulary -becoming too bookish. You can give quite a realistic -flavour to your remarks by interjecting occasionally -<i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">waarempeltjes</i> or <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Wel van mijn leven!</i> Among the -encouraging ejaculations of every day I soon concluded -that none was more likely to prove useful -than “<i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Zanik nou niet</i>”, a popular favourite which -one may render roughly by “Pray, don’t mention -it”, “Don’t trouble about it”. This idiom has been -simply invaluable.</p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">ZANIK NOU NIET.</div> - -<p>Anomalies of pronunciation were not numerous, -but they existed. <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Nouw</i>, a common word, must -be spelt <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">nu</i>; and the advice <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">duwen</i>, which was -printed up on the inner door of the Post-Office, -was pronounced <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">douwe</i>. Most enigmatical perhaps -was the contrast between the barber’s notice -on the window of his establishment, and what -he said to you when you entered. Outside it -was <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">haarsnijden</i> and never anything else. That<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span> -is the printed form; inside, however, you must -pronounce it <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">haarknippen</i>.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">THE WORD FOR LIGHTNING.</div> - -<p>Still these are trifles compared with the real -puzzles. I witnessed a street dispute one evening. -It was about herring, I think, but I really couldn’t -follow the one thousandth part of the vigorous -debate. Picturesque idioms were bandied to and -fro; happily no harm was done. One could not -help noticing that the Grammar-book was right. -<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Jij</span> and <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">jou</span> were freely employed, and the disputants -did not once address each other as <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">U</span> or -<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">UEdele</span>. On that occasion there was another -epithet or pronoun or interjection, which none -of my previous studies had at all prepared me -for. Turning it up in the dictionary as well as -I could, I learnt that it might be translated by -‘lightning’, and that it was an ordinary noun. Next -day I enquired of Enderby if the word for lightning -could ever be employed as an interrogative -particle or a pronoun. He was horrified and said -“Please don’t be vulgar”.</p> - -<p>“All right,” I replied, “I don’t intend to be, -but what about that personal pronoun?”</p> - -<p>“Hush!” he said. “Stop; it’s not a pronoun.”</p> - -<p>“Well whatever it is,” I told him, “noun or pronoun,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span> -if you had heard it used as I did, you -would admit that it was very <em>personal</em>.”</p> - -<div class="sidenote">IS TO BE ESCHEWED.</div> - -<p>“Don’t be frivolous,” he retorted solemnly, “and -let me give you a piece of advice. As long as you -are in Holland never let anyone hear you utter that -word. Say <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">onweer</i> or <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">weerlicht</i>. The other word is -not decent, it is almost wicked.”</p> - -<p>“There now; don’t be surly”, I reasoned, “the -thing is in the dictionary.”</p> - -<p>“Never mind. That’s for science or for poetry. -Then it’s all right. But <em>you</em> had better have nothing -to do with it. Try and forget it.”</p> - -<p>I did try. But I didn’t succeed.</p> - -<p>For the more trouble you take to forget a thing, -the better you remember it. At least that’s my -experience, and if I strain every nerve to get a -word out of my head, it simply never goes! So if -there be a Dutch noun that I recall accurately and -without effort, it is just the scientific and poetical -term for ‘lightning’.</p> - -<hr class="l1" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span></p> - - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VI" id="CHAPTER_VI">CHAPTER VI.</a><br /><br /> - -<small>A WASH-LIST IN DUTCH.</small></h2> - - -<p>It was a day or two after the purchase of the -pens and I was beginning to feel my zeal for Dutch -returning, when the landlady entered the sitting-room -and fired my enthusiasm. She had a collar and a -pocket-handkerchief in her hand; she waved them -in the air and said “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Voor de waschvrouw</span>.”</p> - -<p>I caught the idea at once, banished the landlady, -and sat down to make out a wash-list with -the help of the dictionary and by the light of -nature.</p> - -<div class="sidenote"><span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">HOE</span> TO SELECT YOUR WORD.</div> - -<p>In bold characters I headed my document ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Lijst -voor de Waschvrouw</span>’; and turned up the word -‘collar’. The usual thing, of course, met my gaze—a -bewildering supply of equivalents—<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">boordje, -rollade, kraag, halsband, halssieraad</span>. Now for the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</a></span> -crucial question—on what principle am I to make -my selection? For I was quite determined to stick -by the principle I had learnt in the pen-shop, and -use only one Dutch word for one word in English. But -which one? The dictionary had a second part to it, -Dutch into English. So I felt sure in my innocence -that I could hunt down anything and get its exact -signification.</p> - -<p>I tried ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">boordje</span>’.</p> - -<p>It was a bad omen that ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">boordje</span>’ didn’t figure -in the Dutch-English part at all. Naturally a man -reasons that if <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">boordje</span> really means a common -thing like collar—an article of attire in daily -use—it would surely be given a place in a Dutch-English -lexicon. It wasn’t there; and to confirm -me in my determination to reject ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">boordje</span>’, my eye -caught ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">boord</span>’. ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Boord</span>’ was of fairly catholic application; -for it included things as dissimilar as -border, rim, shelf, seam, bank and hem. To make -a diminutive of this,—‘little border’, ‘little rim’, -‘little bank’,—wouldn’t bring one measurably -nearer ‘collar’. <em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Boordje</em> therefore was rejected absolutely. -So far good.</p> - -<p><em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Rollade</em> was more promising. It suggested somehow -a turn-down collar, and sounded courtly. But<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span> -there was against it the strong objection that it -didn’t appear in the Dutch-English lexicon. <em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Rollade</em> -therefore was set aside provisionally.</p> - -<p><i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Kraag</i> again offered well, but on inspection -proved far too vague, for it included the ideas of -cape, neck, nape and hood. That wouldn’t do. It -was far too uncertain. Therefore ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Kraag</span>’ was marked -as ‘doubtful.’</p> - -<div class="sidenote">ETYMOLOGY AN UNSAFE GUIDE.</div> - -<p>Diligence however is its own reward, and I found -a prize in the next word. <em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Halsband</em> answered every -reasonable expectation. It stood every test I could -apply to it.</p> - -<p>The Dutch-English lexicon said it was ‘collar’, -and nothing more.</p> - -<p>Etymology confirmed the dictionary: <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">hals</i>, the -neck; <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">band</i>, a band—a band for the neck—what -could be clearer? If that wasn’t collar, nothing was.</p> - -<p>So I wrote down with much confidence, as my -first item, <em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">6 halsbanden</em>. I felt that this was an -excellent beginning and that Dutch was not such a -difficult language after all. <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Gunst!</i> I said to myself; -for I felt so elated at my success, that in a way I -was almost thinking in Dutch. <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Gunst, uitstekend!</span> now -for the next article.</p> - -<p>That was <em>cuff</em>. Cuff said the dictionary was<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl"> slag,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span> -manchet, oorveeg</span> and <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">handboei</span>. Which would I -take? I examined <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">slag</i>, and learnt it was the proper -term for battle, fight, or opportunity.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">COMMON-SENSE MISLEADING.</div> - -<p>This gave me much food for thought. I turned -the matter over in every possible way, yet to no -purpose. It was impossible to detect any necessary -connection between a ‘battle’ or an ‘opportunity’, -and ‘a pair of cuffs’; so I dropped ‘slag’ without regret.</p> - -<p>‘<em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Oorveeg</em>’ at first looked more attractive.</p> - -<p>Its derivation, however, showed that it was -something that ‘skimmed along’ the ear, or ‘touched -it lightly’!</p> - -<p>Now it was conceivable that the sleeves or cuffs -of ancient times had proved inconvenient; but that -they had ever been so large as to flap about one’s -ears, I positively refused to believe.</p> - -<p>It was quite a comfort to discover, as I did -somewhat by accident, that ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">oorveeg</span>’ meant a ‘box -on the ear.’ Thus I could reject it without scruple—which -I did.</p> - -<p><em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Manchet</em> was so obviously French that I never -looked at it twice. My grammar was most stringent -in banishing all foreign words. Especially avoid French -terms, it insisted. That was an easy rule. <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Geen -Fransch woordje bij!</span> So I avoided <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">manchet</span>.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">ZIE-BENEDEN.</div> - -<p>I had now only one word left, which of course -must be right. <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Handboei</span>, moreover, defined its own -functions with welcome precision. It obviously meant -something to <em>fit</em> closely round the <em>hand</em>; and with -a sense of having achieved an intellectual victory, -I set down on my list below the ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">halsbanden</span>’, -‘<i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">4 paar handboeien</i>’.</p> - -<p>After this discipline in the art of ‘rejections and -exclusions’ it seemed child’s play to fix on the proper -rendering for <em>sock</em>.</p> - -<p><span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Sok—blyspel—vilten binnenzool—ploegschaar</span>,—that -was what the front part of the -dictionary gave me to work upon. ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Blyspel</span>’ and -‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">ploegschaar</span>’ I dropped overboard without qualm, -for I found they meant ‘comedy’ and ‘ploughshare’; -and when it came to choosing between <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">sok</span> and -<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">vilten binnenzool</span>, I gave the first the preference, -as my book shed no light whatever on <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">vilten binnenzool</span>.</p> - -<p>I regretted this rather, as there was a fine air -of dignity about the latter.</p> - -<p>But I put down ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">4 paar sokken</span>,’ with a note of -interrogation, and added ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">vilten binnenzolen</span>’ in -brackets—to make all clear.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">THE KERCHIEF OF QUEEN ELIZABETH.</div> - -<p>There were seven ‘handkerchiefs’ to be translated<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span> -into Dutch; and for ‘handkerchief’ the little fat -Dictionary became more than usually oracular.</p> - -<p>Opposite the English word it had two Dutch -words without a comma between, so that I felt -morally certain it was a case of <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">vilten binnenzool</span> -again—a sort of euphonious compound which you -must take in its entirety or not at all.</p> - -<p>This compound word was ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Zie beneden</span>’.</p> - -<p>I soon detected that the primitive meaning of -this curious name was ‘look below’. At first indeed -it struck me that it might refer to a footnote; but -there was no footnote in the Dictionary, good or -bad, from cover to cover, except B* on page 91, -so I soon abandoned this idea as fanciful.</p> - -<p>It was certainly hard to trace any connection -between the advice (imperative mood, if you please) -‘see below!’ and what we usually understand by a -‘handkerchief’.</p> - -<p>The mystery seemed to clear a little when I remembered -that a ‘handkerchief’ was a ‘kerchief’ -for the hand; and that in the Tudor age ‘kerchiefs’ -used to be worn round the neck. In fine old historical -portraits that I had seen of Queen Elizabeth -and Queen Mary, their Majesties were always represented -with elaborate cambric things about their<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span> -shoulders. It was quite a feature of the period. -Thus ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">zie beneden</span>’ was no doubt the original word -corresponding to ‘kerchief’; and it would take its -name from the fact that when the wearer in ancient -times glanced down, he could easily see it on his -chest. He would call it a ‘look below’ quite naturally. -Then the name would remain unaltered, -while the article would become first a kerchief for -the hand, then finally a pocket-handkerchief.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">A WORK OF ART.</div> - -<p>As there were plenty of analogies in English for -that sort of word formation, I became quite sure -of my ground, and at the end of my list wrote -with the pride of a philologist, ‘<i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">7 ziebenedens</i>’.</p> - -<p>A few other words I got with comparative ease, -and jotted down in their places.</p> - -<p>The more I looked at my finished document, -the better I liked it.</p> - -<p>This is how it ran:—</p> - -<ul class="lsoff" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl"> -<li class="sub1">Lyst voor de Waschvrouw:</li> - -<li class="sub2">6 halsbanden,</li> -<li class="sub2">4 paar handboeien.</li> -<li class="sub2">3 nachtgewaden.</li> -<li class="sub2">4 paar sokken? (Vilten binnenzolen).</li> -<li class="sub2">7 Zie benedens.</li> - -<li class="sub1">Totaal = 32 Voorwerpen.</li> -</ul> - - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[44]</a></span></p> - -<p lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ik bid de waschvrouw gauw de voorwerpen terug -te zenden.</p> - -<p> -Aug. 5. <span class="flr">J. O’Neill.</span> -</p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">VOOR EEN HOND.</div> - -<p>I was quite unprepared for the effect which -my manuscript had on the landlady. When she -came up presently for the wash-list, I said to her -carelessly, as if I was in the habit of writing -Dutch every day, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Voor de waschvrouw,—klaar</span>”.</p> - -<p>She took the document in her hand and glanced at -it; then suddenly sat down in my best arm-chair!</p> - -<p>Now you must know that she is very respectful, -always stands deferentially in my presence, and -never dreams of taking liberties. Her conduct now -was unaccountable. There she sat in the chair, rocking -to and fro, her face hidden with both hands. Her -agitation increased till finally she gave a kind of snort, -for which she immediately apologised: “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Neem me -niet kwalijk, mijnheer! neem me niet kwalijk!</span>”</p> - -<p>Having regained a momentary composure, she -dried her eyes with the corner of her apron and -allowed her gaze to wander round the room. It -fell upon my paper, and off she went again in a -sort of suppressed shriek.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">O mijnheer! mijnheer!</span>” she stammered convulsively. -“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Het is—voor—voor een hond!</span>”</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[45]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">MOET MIJNHEER NAAR DE GEVANGENIS?</div> - -<p>She ended with a hysterical sob as if she feared -her emotions would choke her utterance.</p> - -<p>All this naturally raised my suspicions as to the -purity of my Dutch, though it seemed incredible -that there could be much amiss with it. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Voor een -hond</span>” sounded like an expression of contempt, -just as we dub ill-composed Latin, ‘Dog-Latin’, or -pronounce poor food to be ‘not fit for a dog.’</p> - -<p>She surely couldn’t imply that my Dutch would -make a dog laugh?</p> - -<p>It was clear now that she was highly amused -at something I had written. At this I was just -a little indignant, having spent all the morning -hunting up equivalents in the dictionary and debating -with myself about them.</p> - -<p>To discourage her levity I answered quite coldly: -“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Wat is voor een hond? ik zie geen hond. Waar -is hij?</span>”</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">O mijnheer</span>”, was the spasmotic reply, delivered -in jerks, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">halsband,—hals—band—is altijd -voor—voor een hond! Ik lach me dood!</span>”</p> - -<p>I could not argue the point with her or convince -her by reasoning that my choice must be -correct.</p> - -<p>So I just said “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hé!</span>” and waited for her to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[46]</a></span> -recover. Presently she dried her eyes again, rose -from the arm-chair, and tried to get away; but -once more her eye fell on the fatal manuscript—this -time on<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl"> Handboeien</span>—and again she dropped -back with a smothered yell.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">QUEEN ELIZABETH IS UNKNOWN.</div> - -<p>Then she apologized, then cried, then laughed, -then finally gathered breath to say, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Voor een -gevangene! Moet mijnheer naar de gevangenis?</span>”</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ik weet het niet</span>,” I protested in perplexity; -“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">ik weet er niets van. Wat is gevangenis?</span>”</p> - -<p>She rose, and silently picking up my little dictionary, -with an unsteady hand turned over to ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">gevangenis</span>.’ -She pointed to the English and I read ‘prison’. -Thus the ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">handboeien</span>’ were ‘handcuffs’!</p> - -<p>I couldn’t say she was mistaken. So I merely -drew my pen through this item and said “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hè!</span>” -letting the matter rest.</p> - -<p>Now she laughed at everything, at <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">nachtgewaden</span>, -at <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">voorwerpen</span>, at my message to the washerwoman, -even at <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">sokken</span>, though since I have never -been able to discover why, except that it was the -only proper word on the list.</p> - -<p>But nothing could make her understand what I -meant by <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Zie-benedens</span>.</p> - -<p>I couldn’t explain to her all about Queen<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[47]</a></span> -Elizabeth and Queen Mary and the parallel historical -development of cognate languages; I hadn’t -Dutch enough for it.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">DON’T REASON.</div> - -<p>Pulling a handkerchief out of my pocket, and -showing it to her, I said, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Dit—dit is een zie -beneden!</span>”</p> - -<p>But at that she only laughed the more.</p> - -<p>Then she chuckled and tittered and coughed -and said “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Oh! Oh!</span>” and held her sides and stumbled -all the way down those steep stairs to the -imminent danger of her life. Half way down she -had stopped for breath; distinctly I could hear her -panting and muttering: “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Oh mens! mens! Ik kan -nie meer. Ik stik!</span>” For the rest of the day bursts -of jovial laughter kept rising from the kitchen, and -an air of hilarity hung about the lower storey for a -whole week.</p> - -<p>Sir, said O’ Neill, that is the deplorable result -of bringing reason to bear on the material the -dictionary gives. For here is another general -principle I have discovered about languages: <em>The -more arguments you find in favour of any given -word the more certain it is that that word is -totally wrong.</em></p> - -<hr class="l1" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[48]</a></span></p> - - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VII" id="CHAPTER_VII">CHAPTER VII.</a><br /><br /> - -<small>SOME MISUNDERSTANDINGS.</small></h2> - - -<p>Next evening Jack O’Neill resumed his narrative -to myself alone, on the understanding that our -friends would drop in if they could.</p> - -<p>“Where was I?” he said. “Ah, yes, I had just -told you about the wash-list.</p> - -<p>“Well; I learnt many things in the next few -days, said he,—especially grammar. Rules and -exceptions I committed to memory and could rattle -you off <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">werkwoorden</span> and <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">voortzetsels</span>, <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">bijvoegelijke -naamwoorden, verleden deelwoorden</span> and<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl"> onbepaalde -wijzen</span> with vigour and promptitude.</p> - -<p>In walking about the town and neighbourhood, -too, I caught up more and more of those -native idioms that give colour and fragrance -to one’s speech. Of course I was at a loss<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[49]</a></span> -now and again to explain what I heard and saw.</p> - -<p>The notice boards, for example, of some inn -such as “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">De Nieuwe Aanleg</span>” remained somewhat -mysterious; and on enquiry a satisfactory translation -was never forthcoming. “The New Genius” was -very wide of the mark, evidently. “The New -Tendency” was equally obscure.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">WHAT’S PUT IN DUTCH?</div> - -<p>Two common English verbs I found very difficult -to render exactly. These were ‘drive’ and ‘put’.</p> - -<p>‘Put’ you have to use so often that it is certainly -provoking to hunt for a new verb almost every time -you have a fresh order to give. ‘Put it down’, ‘put -it in the cupboard,’ ‘put it in the hall’—well, -I managed these somehow. But when it came to -having letters posted, I was a long time at sea.</p> - -<p>I wrote a good deal; and ‘put that letter in the -box’ was a common order I had to give. Now ‘box’ -was easy enough, for the receptacle in the street -was duly called ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Brievenbus</span>’. But when I said, -‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Plaats dien brief in de brievenbus</span>,’ the maidservant -stared at me as if I was hardly human.</p> - -<p>‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Zet</span>’ and ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">werp</span>’ were not much clearer, apparently. -‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Gooi</span>’, I must admit, always made her perform -the task with alacrity, but with an air that -plainly said the matter was not very serious.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[50]</a></span></p> - -<p>By a happy accident I became aware that all -you need say for ‘put’ is ‘<i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">doe</i>’; but alas! it will -only help you for a few of the simplest ‘puts’.</p> - -<p>Two functionaries called about orphans one day, -and I said “Put me down for five guilders”. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Doe -mij beneden voor vijf gulden</span>”. It wasn’t idiomatic, -but they caught the idea when they saw the coins.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">THE LONG AND THE SHORT OF IT.</div> - -<p>Of course the long and the short <em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">a</em> are notorious, -and they perplexed me nearly every time I worked -with them. You can’t be always sure that you have -hit the right one.</p> - -<p>An important letter had to go off one evening, and -I impressed on the domestic that she must be careful.</p> - -<p>‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Voorzichtig hoor!—voorzichtig!</span>’ I repeated, -‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">want dit is een gewichtige zak</span>’.</p> - -<p>I might have spared myself the trouble, for she -tossed it in one hand and said, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Een zak, mijnheer, -ha!</span>” and departed with a gaiety of manner that -augured ill for the safety of my missive. All the while I -imagined I had said <em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">zaak</em>,—but my <em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">a</em> was too short.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">THE BEAUTIFUL MAN.</div> - -<p>One night when the landlady’s son—a promising -youth of thirteen—brought up the supper, he -appeared playful and excited. He urged me, as I -understood it, to come downstairs and admire a man -that was in the street. Surely it must be a fine<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[51]</a></span> -specimen of manly grace that could elicit this interest! -Yes, the man there was ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">erg mooi</span>’, he assured me.</p> - -<p>‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">U moet es eve kome kijke, mijnheer.</span>’</p> - -<p>The request was odd, and I refused at first. As -he persisted, however, I accompanied him downstairs, -wondering whether there was an acrobat performing -in the market-place or if a statue had been erected -whilst I was at dinner.</p> - -<p>When we came outside, there was nothing remarkable -to be seen in the street. My guide, however, -didn’t mind that, but pointing triumphantly to the -sky where the full moon was shining, he exclaimed -with delight: “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Daar, mijnheer, kijk nou is, nietwaar?</span>”</p> - -<p>It looked like boyish chaff, getting the foreigner -to leave his room to gaze at the ‘man in the moon’, -and I was dumb with indignation at his audacity. -Gradually, however, the facts of the case emerged. -The youth was only considerately anxious that I should -not miss seeing the big Dutch moon itself, which was -indeed that evening particularly fine. It was a ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">mooi -maan</span>’ not “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">man</span>”.</p> - -<p>Yes; the long and the short <em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">a</em> are not to be trifled -with, and you’ll get into no end of trouble if you -ever mix them.</p> - -<hr class="l1" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[52]</a></span></p> - - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VIII" id="CHAPTER_VIII">CHAPTER VIII.</a><br /><br /> - -<small>OUT FOR A WALK.</small></h2> - - -<p>Starting one morning for a long ramble in the -country I took the first stage by tram. It was -very early, and as there were no other passengers, -the conductor was disposed to be communicative. -He was absolutely eager to talk, and he came up -to me at once.</p> - -<p>Now I have noticed that at one time it is much -easier to express oneself in a foreign language -than at another.</p> - -<p>Sometimes the grammar you have mastered becomes -positively oppressive, and your tongue refuses to -lend itself to the task.</p> - -<p>I cannot tell whether it may be due to barometric -pressure or to some electrical condition, but -on certain days I cannot—to put it mildly—come<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[53]</a></span> -up to my normal standard, either of perspicuity -or ease.</p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">NAAR HET EINDE.</div> - -<p>This was one of my bad days, and I was little -inclined to respond to the conductor’s advances. -Fate was against me, however, for I didn’t know -the name of the place I was bound for. Enderby -had several times taken me to a pretty village -some few miles from the Hague. It was the terminus -of the tram-line, and I purposed to tram -there first and then to start out on my country -walk.</p> - -<p>I had never troubled much about the geography -of the district, and consequently was quite in the -dark now as to what the village was called. -This was awkward, for the talkative conductor was -already at hand trying to open conversation.</p> - -<p>He made a first essay by producing his bunch of -tickets and asking me, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hoe ver, mijnheer?</span>”</p> - -<p>I waved my hand and said, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Den geheelen weg.</span>” -Seeing he was not satisfied with this, I amplified -the remark by adding “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Naar het einde.</span>”</p> - -<p>As he was still slightly bewildered, I glanced -up to the tram-car itself to ascertain, if possible, -its destination. The designation of the village -would surely be printed somewhere on the vehicle.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[54]</a></span> -Happily I could just make out at the end of a long -series of hard words the name ‘Simplex’. Pointing to this -with a careless flourish of my stick I said “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ja; -ik ga even naar Simplex.</span>”</p> - -<div class="sidenote">A ONE-SIDED CONVERSATION.</div> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Net, mijnheer</span>,” he laughed, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">ha! ha!, overal -reclame!</span>”</p> - -<p>Before he had recovered from my unconscious -wit, I perceived the error into which I had fallen. -Simplex was merely a cycle-advertisement.</p> - -<p>Then I laughed as heartily as he, saying “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Gunst -ja; overal</span>”—which emboldened him to be still more -familiar.</p> - -<p>He fancied that I was a perfect master of Dutch, -and could even joke in it. He talked most volubly; -and,—my reputation as a linguist being now at -stake,—whenever he made a slight pause I was -obliged to say something to show I understood.</p> - -<p>I didn’t understand. But I started him off always -when he was inclined to stop, and I kept him -going by a careful use of ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">ja</span>’ and ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">neen</span>’. If he -appeared to expect agreement, I threw in a hearty -‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">natuurlijk</span>’, ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">ja zeker</span>’, or ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">wel van mijn leven</span>.’ At -other points, and for variety’s sake, I interjected -indignant negatives: ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Wel nee!</span>’ ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">schei er uit!</span>’ ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hoe -heb ik het met je?</span>’—and now and then even<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[55]</a></span> -‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">och kom!</span>’ with the peculiar shake of the head -that accompanies this phrase.</p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">KOLOSSAAL MOOI.</div> - -<p>The plan was brilliantly successful. True, he -stopped sometimes and took a long queer look at me; -but he was one of those garrulous people that require -little encouragement, and the flood of his reminiscences -always poured forth again as freely as ever.</p> - -<p>We got along famously together—though I -didn’t know one word he said—till we came -opposite a tall church. Nodding patronisingly towards -this building he said, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Pracht van een Kerk</span>”, adding -something about a ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">hooge toren</span>’.</p> - -<p>Here I felt on solid ground,—I understood -him thoroughly. My natural wish to take an intelligent -part in the conversation would be gratified if only -I could say something about that edifice; and, one -of the fresh idioms that I had recently acquired -occurring to me, I promptly gave it to him by way -of reply: “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ja, prachtig; het is kolossaal mooi.</span>”</p> - -<p>This choice idiom I had got just the day before -from a policeman. We had been standing in front of -a florist’s window—the policeman and I—admiring -the tiny vases of lilies of the valley that were -displayed there, when I heard him murmur half to -himself and half to me “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">kolossaal mooi!</span>” The<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[56]</a></span> -combination so captivated my fancy that I added -it without delay to my working stock.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">THE LIGHTNING CONDUCTOR.</div> - -<p>The tram-conductor emphatically agreed with my -criticism. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Kolossaal!</span>” he repeated.</p> - -<p>Thus encouraged I attempted to contribute something -further to the conversation, and catching sight -of a lofty lightning-conductor, on the church-steeple, -I tried to draw his attention to it by an easy -grammatical remark.</p> - -<p>The word ‘lightning-conductor’ did not seem to -present difficulties.</p> - -<p>‘Lightning’ of course I remembered, though I -ought to have forgotten it long ago. No doubt it -was to be approached with caution; but as this -was a matter of pure science I felt tolerably safe. -As for ‘conductor’, there could be little doubt as -as to the way to render that, for ‘conducteur’ was -stamped on the tram-man’s buttons, and had been -staring me in the face for the last half-hour. Those -buttons were as good as a dictionary.</p> - -<p>Putting together then the component parts of -‘lightning-conductor,’ I hazarded a bold guess, and -waving my hand towards the steeple I said cordially, -“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ja, de toren is mooi—kolossaal mooi. Gunst; ja.—Zoo -is ook die bliksem-conducteur! Vind U niet?</span>”</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[57]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote">TAKE CARE OF YOUR WORDS.</div> - -<p>Well, he stopped as if I had struck him; his face -got fiery red, and he walked away without a word!</p> - -<p>What had I done? There was no denying something -had gone wrong. Evidently the man was -choking with rage, and he didn’t as much as glance -at me for the rest of the journey.</p> - -<p>That same afternoon I reported the affair to -Enderby, who grew quite gruff and crusty before -I had finished the narration.</p> - -<p>“Didn’t I warn you”, he grumbled, “against -those horrid expressions that you seem so fond of? -You must really take care, O’Neill,—or I won’t -speak to you as long as you stay in Holland.”</p> - -<p>It was useless to assure him that I had referred -to the ‘lightning-conductor’ merely in its permissible -and scientific sense. He would listen to no -explanations. “You simply can’t imagine how shocking -all that talk of yours sounds, or you wouldn’t -attempt to justify your vulgarity.”</p> - -<p>“Begging your lordship’s pardon”, I retorted -ironically, “for all my unseemly conduct, may I -enquire humbly what the dignified term is? <em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Onweersconducteur</em>, -perhaps? Or <em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">weerlichtsconducteur</em>?”</p> - -<p>“Nonsense!” he almost shouted. “The thing’s quite -easy—‘<em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">bliksemafleider</em>’.”</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[58]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote">A CHARMING WALK.</div> - -<p>“Aha,” I could not help retorting, “you see after -all you are in the wrong. You warned me against -<em>lightning</em>—quite needlessly, you now admit—but -you never said a syllable about that really -dangerous word <em>conductor</em>.”</p> - -<p>But to return to my trip that lovely morning. -The tram duly reached ‘Simplex’, and the conductor -was unfeignedly relieved to see me alight.</p> - -<p>It was perfect weather, and my annoyances were -soon forgotten. There was such a shimmer and haze -and play of light over the wide landscape as I -have seen only in Holland.</p> - -<p>I was delighted. Such a scene is an inspiration. -It makes one wish to be a painter or a poet or -something. Subtle and delicate shades varied the -long stretches of green meadow; clumps of trees, -church towers, tiny red-roofed villages dotted the -landscape; while here and there as far as the eye -could reach, wide canals—the very pictures of -tranquillity—reflected the great white clouds sailing -overhead.</p> - -<p>“Splendid, splendid!” I exclaimed to myself. And -charming indeed did my ramble prove to be.</p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">NAAST DE PALING.</div> - -<p>But the day was hot, and I was glad at last about -eleven o’clock to come to a good-sized tea-garden<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[59]</a></span> -over the entrance to which stood in conspicuous letters, -“<i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Uitspanning</i>.” Here was cool shade under broad -trees; and here were innumerable little tables at -which a number of people were seated, laughing and -chattering and lunching pleasantly, while little children, -some of them not more than three years old, kept -running about and playing games. And all these -tiny tots, too, were talking Dutch, happily and -unconcerned, tossing about in childish glee and with -incredible ease, <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">onbepaalde wijzen, verleden deelwoorden</span> -and <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">voorzetsels</span>, not to speak of <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">het</span> and <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">hen</span> -and <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">hun</span> and <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">je</span>.</p> - -<p>On entering this popular resort and looking round -I was addressed by a breathless waiter laden with -plates. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Waar wou mynheer zitten?</span>”</p> - -<p>The shade was deepest under a noble elm, where -at this instant I spied an unoccupied seat close -to the wooden paling that skirted the enclosure. I -didn’t know what ‘paling’ was, but I chanced it, -as there was no time for the dictionary. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Naast de -paling</span>,” I said, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">als ’t U blieft</span>.”</p> - -<p>The impatient waiter nearly dropped his tray, but -recovering himself he vanished, and I took the seat -myself. Another kellner appeared,—a slow grave -man in whose district was situated the attractive<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[60]</a></span> -nook I had been fortunate enough to secure. The -day was broiling hot, as I told you, and I thought -I couldn’t do better than begin with a little lemon-squash.</p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">LIEMOEN-MOES.</div> - -<p>I could have wished to study up my part a little; -but as the slow dignitary was already waiting, I -asked for a “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">limoen en een glas water</span>.” Having -greeted my remark twice with “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">blief?</span>” he drew -himself up and enquired if I wanted ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">liemonade</span>.’</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Geen kwestie van</span>,” I said, hauling out of my -pocket the little fat dictionary, that faithful companion -of my wanderings. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Wacht even!</span>” I hurriedly -turned up “squash”; for on the analogy of <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">meloen</span> -I assumed that ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">lemoen</span>’ was all right for lemon. -The verb squash was <em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">moezen</em>; the noun <em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">moes</em>. This -latter I chose, preferring the beverage ready-made, -if possible.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ja, kellner</span>”—I said, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">nu weet ik het al. -Breng mij limoenmoes.</span>”</p> - -<p>He raised his eyebrows and said: “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Bedoelt mijnheer -soms appelmoes?</span>”</p> - -<p>Apple squash? That seemed rather a good idea. -It sounded like cider or apple-lemonade.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ja, best</span>,” I said; “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">breng mij een glas appelmoes, -maar niet te sterk.</span>”</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[61]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote">A MYSTERIOUS BEVERAGE.</div> - -<p>When he was gone to draw some of this mysterious -beverage, who should turn up but Enderby? He -had been motoring; and was coming back from -Amsterdam when some pinion had given way, and -he had to stop at the <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Uitspanning</span> for repairs. He -came up to me and sat down saying: “Well, O’Neill, -you’re a long way from home; how did you get -here? What are you taking this hot weather?”</p> - -<p>“Indeed,” said I, “I don’t exactly know. It’s -apple-squash, or rather a sort of apple lemonade,—cider, -I believe.”</p> - -<p>“Ah,” said he with surprise, “you talked English, -I suppose?”</p> - -<p>“Not at all,—not a word. I never speak English -now. It was all Dutch.”</p> - -<p>“Then I tell you, you <em>have</em> made progress with the -language! For here have I been in Holland for -fifteen years, and I never even heard of apple lemonade -yet. To tell you the truth, I should not know -how to ask for it. My boy, I congratulate you on -your linguistic enterprise!”</p> - -<p>The waiter reappeared just then, and Enderby -interposed, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Mynheer heeft iets besteld, nietwaar? -Wat is dat voor een drankje? Geen limonade?</span>”</p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">MELOEN MET APPELMOES.</div> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Nee, menheer</span>”, said the waiter in a complaining<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[62]</a></span> -tone, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">volstrekt niet, mynheer is wat vreemd, ziet -u; want</span>,” and here his voice sank to a horrified -whisper, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">menheer eet meloen met appelmoes!</span>”</p> - -<p>Enderby looked at me in speechless astonishment; -while the waiter murmured, perhaps as a further -suggestion of guilt on my part: “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">We hebbe geen -paling!</span>”</p> - -<p>Matters had got so involved that I could not -explain anything to him; except to say that I had -started with the intention of cooling my thirst with -lemon squash.</p> - -<p>He was inclined to be huffy once more. “There -you are at it again! Look here now; do take some -care about what you say. I’ll get that drink for -you this time; and, for any sake if you want ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">kwast</span>’ -again, don’t say <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">appelmoes</span>. Indeed I strongly advise -you to stick to English, or you will get into worse -trouble yet.”</p> - -<p>Enderby went off in high dudgeon, and I took -a long ramble under the trees. It was not long -till I shook off the effects of my grammatical skirmishes -and began to enjoy the day to the full.</p> - -<p>In point of fact I made several sketches, and -returning in a couple of hours had luncheon successfully. -That was comparatively easy. I had merely<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[63]</a></span> -to say, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Koffie!—Kaas!</span>”—and the meal was -ready.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">DRIVE ME TO THE HAGUE.</div> - -<p>Being by this time a trifle tired, I conceived -the idea of driving back to the Hague, for it -seemed too far to walk. In this design I was -encouraged by the presence of a considerable number -of vehicles with horses, standing about.</p> - -<p>On examining my dictionary to get the Dutch idiom -for ‘drive home’ I discovered three curious translations -for drive: ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">rijden</span>’, ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">drijven</span>’ (used, I was informed, of -ice) and ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">jagen</span>.’</p> - -<p>Now seeing that ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">rijden</span>’, meant ‘to ride’, and -‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">jagen</span>,’ to ‘hunt,’ and the other word was restricted -to icebergs, there really appeared to be a lack of the -precise term I needed.</p> - -<p>Obliged thus to circumscribe my meaning, I rapped -on my green table and enquired, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Kellner, kan ik -een paard hebben?</span>”</p> - -<p>The waiter mumbled inarticulately, coughed apologetically, -and vanished like a shadow.</p> - -<p>Presently he came back with a red-faced man -who seemed to be the proprietor of the <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Uitspanning</span>. -What I wanted to say was, “Have you a horse -disengaged to drive me to the Hague!” but owing -to the defective character of the Dutch vocabulary<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[64]</a></span> -this could not be said directly, and I was obliged -to go round the point.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">A DREADFUL INTERVIEW.</div> - -<p>I went round it thus: “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Mag ik beleefd vragen, -Mynheer, heeft U paarden beschikbaar om my te -dragen?</span>”</p> - -<p>This sounded diplomatic and neat, and was -certainly clear; but the apoplectic proprietor looked -askance.</p> - -<p>He paused and endeavoured to transfix me with -his beady eyes and read my inmost consciousness. -This being impossible, he condescended to the gruff -question: “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Wou meneer een peerd koope?</span>”</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Koopen?</span>” I replied in astonishment, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">oh niet -koopen! Gunst! ashjeblieft niet.</span>”</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Raie dan?</span>” was his brusque reply.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Rijen, graag</span>,” I agreed; “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">gaarne rijden; maar—ik -ben niet in staat het paard terug te zenden. -En ... en ik heb geen ruimte in mijn kamers voor -een paard.</span>”</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Wat dan?</span>” said he rudely, with a kind of a -dull glare in his black eyes.</p> - -<p>I was getting into deep water—there was -no use blinking the fact—and here was this -dreadful man growing more enraged and suspicious -every moment. Perhaps after all I could make<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[65]</a></span> -something of those three doubtful dictionary words. -“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Kan u niet</span>,” I asked with some asperity, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">kan -oe niet, mijnheer, mij laten jagen naar den Haag?</span>”</p> - -<div class="sidenote">THE IRATE INN-KEEPER.</div> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">O, hé!</span>” exclaimed my interlocutor with a -sudden access of interest and a kind of wrinkle -distantly resembling a smile. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Gaat mijnheer op -de jacht?</span>”</p> - -<p>Dear me, this is <em>too</em> bad, I thought, for I saw -people watching me with a curious air of disapproval, -and a good many more approaching. Really I regretted -I had not walked to the Hague.</p> - -<p>But I was in for it now, and with all the sternness -I could command I explained sententiously, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ik -wensch een paard!—Om mij te trekken—in -een rijtuig—naar den Haag, Ferdinand Bolstraat 66a.</span>”</p> - -<p>My horsey friend took a step nearer, his face -ominously darkening and the fierce eyes flashing -fire. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Wat wou menheer eigenlijk? rijtuig huren? -of pérd koope!—of raie naar de stad?—of op -de jacht gaan?—of onzin praote?</span>”</p> - -<p>I was at my wit’s end and deemed it wise to -retire as soon as possible from the conversation. -This I tried to do by means of that agreeable little -triplet that had hitherto proved so useful to me.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Och kom!</span>” I said with a pleasant smile, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">’t<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[66]</a></span> -Geeft niets; het hindert niet; het komt er niet -op aan.</span>”</p> - -<p>He was unappeased, however. So by way of -friendly deprecation I added: “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Laa maar! Schei er -uit.—Hè! zanik nou niet!</span>”</p> - -<div class="sidenote">A HAPPY ESCAPE.</div> - -<p>This did not appreciably mend matters, I assure -you.—At every sentence I uttered his face grew -more purple—and I was intensely relieved when -at that moment one of the interested bye-standers -ran up hurriedly, whip in hand, and touching his -cap exclaimed: “Drive you to the Hague, Sir?”—It -was a cabdriver who spoke English!</p> - -<p>Oh! I could have embraced that man!</p> - -<p>“Yes,” said I with effusion, “Yes, at once, please!—as -quick as ever you can!”</p> - -<p>I jumped up on his vehicle and, as the vendor -of <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">peerden</span> was still hovering unpleasantly near, I -ventured on one of those despised French verbs—it -was the only thing I could think of—to construct -an effective phrase for my exit.</p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">VAARWEL.</div> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Mynheer Uitspanning!</span>” I said waving him adieu, -“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">ik zal U niet verder derangeeren!—Vaarwel!</span>”</p> - -<p>Good-bye at last! There was a faint cheer from -the score or two of spectators, but no response -from my late tormentor.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[67]</a></span></p> - -<p>What a relief to get away from the intricacies -of that dreadful cross-examination!</p> - -<p>I was flurried and worn, and did not quite recover -my equanimity or feel properly cooled down till I -was safely ensconced in my rooms in <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ferdinand -Bolstraat 66a</span>.</p> - -<hr class="l1" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[68]</a></span></p> - - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IX" id="CHAPTER_IX">CHAPTER IX.</a><br /><br /> - -<small>THE QUEST OF <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">MIJNHEER HIERNAAST</span>.</small></h2> - - -<p>On settling down in my rooms, I was reminded -of my social duties by seeing a card from young -<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Van der Leeuwen</span> whom I had known at Trinity, -where he had studied a year.</p> - -<p><span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Van der Leeuwen</span> had called upon me more -than once and had invited me to his home. Up to -this time I had not seen him since I came to the Hague.</p> - -<p>To-day he had scribbled on a visiting card ‘Leaving -town soon for Arnhem.’ This showed me that -his friendly visit should be returned as soon as -possible: so early next afternoon I journeyed across -the city to see him.</p> - -<p>I found however that the house was shut up. The -blinds were down and the whole place hermetically -sealed, so to speak.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[69]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">MIJNHEER HIERNAAST.</div> - -<p>On the door there was a singular notice, freshly -pasted, which at once arrested my attention and -which I copied into my notebook.</p> - -<div lang="nl" xml:lang="nl"> -<p>“<i>Afwezig.</i></p> - -<p><i>Brieven en boodschappen</i><br /> -<span class="spl6"><i>te bezorgen bij</i></span><br /> -<span class="spl8"><i>Mijnheer Hiernaast.</i>”</span> -</p> -</div> - -<p>Unhappily I had left my faithful companion, the -dictionary, at home. I was thus obliged to fall back -upon my stock of Dutch learning and guess what -I did not know.</p> - -<p>‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Boodschappen</span>’ and ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">bezorgen</span>’ were new words -to me, but I seemed to gather the general sense -of the placard. If anybody wanted to see my friend -<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">van der Leeuwen</span>, or communicate with him, he -appeared to be invited to do so through the medium -of a gentleman called “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hiernaast</span>.” The curious -thing was—no address was given to indicate -whereabouts Mr. <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hiernaast</span> lived.</p> - -<p>Now this was very puzzling; for just that morning -I had been shown how particular you must be in -Holland about addresses. As I had not given word -to the authorities when I moved from the hotel to -my lodgings, I had been summoned to the “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Bevolkingsregisterbureau</span>,” -and had to display my “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Geboorteacte</span>.”</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[70]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote">A WELL-KNOWN MAN.</div> - -<p>Innumerable details had been asked of me about -my name and initials and about my parents’ names -and initials,—some of which I could not satisfactorily -write out.</p> - -<p>The functionaries at the office, too, had appeared -unnecessarily amused when I told them that I lodged in -<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ferdinand Bolstraat</span> above a tinsmith’s. On thinking it -over afterwards I admit that perhaps I had mixed the -word tinsmith with lightning conductor. I was naturally -anxious to avoid the latter scientific term as much as -possible; and my over anxiety probably defeated itself.</p> - -<p>At all events I was told at the <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Bureau</span> that it -was quite a serious offence—a sort of mild -treason—to move from my hotel to lodgings -without giving full information about the whole -matter to the civic dignitaries.</p> - -<p>Now, as everybody was so particular about addresses, -I knew that <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">van der Leeuwen</span> had more -respect for the laws of his country than to be -guilty of intentional carelessness; and I was sure -he would not try to defy the state by pasting -upon his door anything of the nature of mockery. -The notice <em>did</em> look like this: “Out of town. If -you want to see me, go to Jericho;” but my friend -would hardly have meant <em>that</em>.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[71]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">THE OPENBARE MACHT.</div> - -<p>I concluded therefore that Mr. <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hiernaast</span>’s address -was known to everybody that read the notice, and -that Mr. <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hiernaast</span> was some prominent person like -the Burgomaster or the Town-clerk.</p> - -<p>Perhaps he would be an official who kindly looked -after people’s letters when they were out of town. -If so, a policeman would know all about him. There -was one passing at the moment, so I determined -to accost him and get what information I could.</p> - -<p>Now Enderby and others had instructed me about -policemen. You must never say “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Mijnheer</span>” to a -policeman; he doesn’t like it, for he thinks you -are making game of him. That’s where I had made -the mistake before, in the Hague wood. I learnt -that his proper title is ‘<em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">politieagent</em>’ or ‘<em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">agent</em>’; the -newspapers call him ‘<em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">openbare macht</em>’. If he comes -from Amsterdam he will answer readily to <em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">klabak</em> -or <em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">smeeris</em>, though he may prefer a more dignified -title. He is known to the mob as a ‘<em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">diender</em>’, but -this is rather vulgar.</p> - -<p>Naturally I wished to avoid the vulgar word -and use a respectful term; so stopping him I said, -“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Openbare Macht, verschoon mij,—zult gij mij -toestaan om U beleefd te verzoeken,—waar -woont mijnheer Hiernaast?</span>”</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[72]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">WOUJEME?</div> - -<p>I guessed what he would do, and he did it. He -stared at me for about half a minute and then -said, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Wah blief!</span>”</p> - -<p>“Oh,” I responded, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">duizendmaal vergiffenis, dat -ik op....</span>” And then I stopped <em>just in time</em>, for -it was on my tongue to finish the polite sentence -as I had repeated it so often from the conversation -book—“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">dat ik op Uwen teen getrapt heb</span>.”</p> - -<p>It was well I didn’t, for it didn’t fit in at all accurately -with the situation. So I said, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Kijk nou is!</span>”</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Mag ik zoo vrij zijn, Klabak?</span>” I murmured -courteously, showing him my copy of the placard -on the door, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Mijnheer Hiernaast—ziet u—<em>waar</em> -woont <em>hij</em>?</span>”</p> - -<p>Well, he couldn’t have been more astonished if -had reached him a lighted bombshell.</p> - -<p>Instead of meeting me with that ready sympathy -I had been reckoning upon, he was quite stiff. I -however persisted courteously with my question, -“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ja, Openbare! wat zegt U, Smeeris? Woont mijnheer -Hiernaast in deze straat?</span>”</p> - -<p>Well, he wasn’t a bit polite; or if he was, he -must have been singularly deficient in charm of -manner, for he stared quite insolently at me and -grumbled, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Woujeme voor de gek houe?</span>”</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[73]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">VÓÓR DEN HEKHOUDER.</div> - -<p><span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Woujeme, gekhoue?</span> Didn’t I know some of those -words?</p> - -<p>On considering this utterance of his I seemed -to recognise “<i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">woujeme</i>” as an old friend. Wasn’t -that the introductory particle that was not in the -dictionary and which resembled the Latin ‘nonne’? -Then ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">gek</span>’ was remarkably like ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">hek</span>’, which I knew -to be ‘gate’.</p> - -<p>The landlady had always been talking about the -‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">hek</span>’ being open,—a state of affairs which she -strongly objected to, because dogs were in the habit -of strolling in and looking rudely at her through -the kitchen window.</p> - -<p>Now I knew that it would be the easiest thing -in life for ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">gek</span>’ to be mistaken for ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">hek</span>’.</p> - -<p>London policemen often drop h’s in one place -and put them in at another. Why shouldn’t a -Hague policeman do something similar? You could -hardly expect a policeman to speak the language -with absolute accuracy.</p> - -<p>So ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">gek houwe</span>’ would probably be a common -provincialism for ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">hek houden</span>’. And I could easily -guess, on the analogy of ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">stalhouwer</span>’, what <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">hekhouwer</span>’ -would mean. It would be, no doubt, a -‘man that made and sold gates’. ‘<i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Vóór den gekhouwe(r)</i>’<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[74]</a></span> -would then be, as nearly as possible, the -idiom for ‘in front of the gate factory.’</p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">MAAR—WAAR WOONT HIJ?</div> - -<p>There was no gate factory in sight, so I continued -pleasantly making further enquiries of the policeman: -“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Voor den gekhouwer?—ja zeker! asjeblieft! -Maar—zoudt gy zoo goed willen zijn—mij -mede te deelen,—waar <em>woont</em> die gekhouder? -Woont hij <em>in deze straat</em>? De gekkefabriek—waar -is dat?</span>”</p> - -<p>I really pitied him, he looked so overwhelmed. -Then he did something wonderful that stayed all -further parley. He turned his head away, spread -out both white-gloved hands, raised his shoulders -slowly till they were well up over his ears, then slowly -let them down again to their normal and natural -position,—and all this without glancing at me.</p> - -<p>It was an awe-inspiring spectacle,—apparently -some kind of military drill to repel idle questions. -I could only utter “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">’t Geeft niets—’t hindert niet—het -komt er niet op aan! Doe geen moeite, -Smeeris!</span>” But he turned upon his heel and walked -away without even saying ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Vaarwel</span>’!</p> - -<p>Alas, I had failed again! I had displeased the -<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Openbare Macht</span> and had not got a hint as to the -address of the official receiver of letters.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[75]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote">BREATHE NOT HIS NAME.</div> - -<p>All this was more than usually mysterious, so -I tried to extract some information from the landlady -that evening.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Waar woont Mijnheer Hiernaast?</span>” I said to her -casually after dinner.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hiernáást, mijnheer</span>,” she replied with strong -emphasis on the <em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">naast</em>.</p> - -<p>“Oh I don’t mind putting the accent on the final,” -I murmured to myself. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Goed. Best.—Dan, waar -<em>woont</em> Mijnheer Hiernáást?</span>”</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hiernáást</span>,” she repeated, pointing through the -wall!</p> - -<p>Had the good woman lost her senses? Or was -she trying to make fun of me? In either case I did -not quite care to prolong the conversation. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Lamaar</span>”, -I interjected, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">het heeft niets te beduiden—schei -er uit,—zanik nou niet</span>”. And I must say that -effectually stopped her.</p> - -<p>The mystery was solved that same evening by -Enderby, who dropped in about half past ten.</p> - -<p>We talked over a number of things and, as Enderby -was quite himself again after our little tiff at the -‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Uitspanning</span>’, I just said, “Do you happen to know -of the <em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hiernaasts</em> in the Hague?”</p> - -<p>“People called <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hiernaast</span>”, I explained, as he<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[76]</a></span> -seemed not to catch my meaning. “They appear to -be rather well-known. The father I think is a Government -Official—a member of the Tweede-Kamer, I -imagine, or something of that sort. I’m told he lives -opposite a large gate-factory. The queer thing about -the family is that, if you ask about them, everybody -gives you a silly answer.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">EASY WHEN YOU KNOW IT.</div> - -<p>“Is he not in society, or what? Is his name like -the word for lightning? May I not refer to him?”</p> - -<p>“O’Neill”, exclaimed Enderby, rising suddenly off -his seat, “you are surely not quite well!”</p> - -<p>“What is it?” he said, “were you out long in the -sun? That <em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">appelmoes</em> must have gone to your head! -Tell me all that happened to you.”</p> - -<p>I told him the whole day’s adventures; and -then I learnt that <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Mijnheer Hiernaast</span> is—not -necessarily an Official of the Government or a -member of the Tweede Kamer; indeed that he -is no particular person at all; but—<em>just the -gentleman who lives next door to you, wherever -you happen to be</em>.</p> - -<p>Well; that’s easy enough, when you know it. -But when you don’t, what are you to do?</p> - -<hr class="l1" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[77]</a></span></p> - - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_X" id="CHAPTER_X">CHAPTER X.</a><br /><br /> - -<small>THE PARCEL POST.</small></h2> - - -<p>You will remember that the day I was at Simplex -I took some sketches. Well, I bundled these up -along with some really exquisite water-colours -that I purchased at an art-shop, and I sent them -to Ireland.</p> - -<p>Yes, I bought these pictures without pain. The -vendor of these objects of art spoke perfect -English; it was a delight to hear him. So -pleased was I with my purchases, that I hastened -home, there and then, and adding my own artistic -treasures, made a little square package of it all for -my aunt Rebecca in Connemara, Killery Bay,—a -place renowned for its beautiful sunsets and -splendid salmon.</p> - -<p>My aunt is artistic—she herself used to draw<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[78]</a></span> -when she was young—and I knew that nothing -would please her better, as a present from Holland, -than a number of carefully chosen water-colours.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">FILL IN THESE PAPERS.</div> - -<p>Glowing with affectionate enthusiasm at the -prospect of giving my aunt so agreeable a surprise, -I made my way to the post-office and tried to send -off my package.</p> - -<p>An obliging official addressed me in English.</p> - -<p>“Oh, then”, he said glancing at the address and -weighing my bundle in his hand, “this will cost -you about six guilders if it goes as a letter, but, -if it is a book it will cost you two guilders and -a half. But as it appears to be neither a book nor -a letter, I should advise you to send it by ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">pakketpost</span>’; -the cost will be under a guilder. Please fill -in these papers.” And he reached me a dark red -paper and a flimsy white one both of which were -dotted all over with Dutch and French hard words -with spaces after them to be filled in.</p> - -<p>I retired to a little desk and did my best,—stating -that I, Jack O’Neill, aged so and so, sent -one brown package of expensive water-colour -pictures, some pencil-sketches and one pen-and-ink -drawing, value unknown, to Miss Rebecca -Fitzgerald O’Neill, (<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">zonder beroep</span>), Warlin Castle<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[79]</a></span> -Killery Bay, Ireland, on the 21st of Aug., 19—. -I added some other things here and there in the -columns and gave this report to the official. “Not in -order,” he said politely, “you must put stamps on -the package, with wax.”</p> - -<div class="sidenote">SEALING-WAX.</div> - -<p>“Stamps,” he added, touching it all round, “sealed -with sealing wax.”</p> - -<p>“Oh, indeed!” I said. “Sorry to give you so -much trouble. Many thanks!” And I carried my -bundle to a neighbouring stationer’s.</p> - -<p>The stationer was not at home, and his temporary -assistant was a youth that did not know English; -but I borrowed an Engelsch-Hollandsch WoordenBoek -from him and instituted a search for <em>wax</em>. After -some little trouble occasioned by the words ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">was</span>’ and -‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">honigraat</span>’, I settled down comfortably on the word -‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">lak</span>’; and then the stationer’s boy and I got on -quite nicely together. He helped me most willingly, -and made all sorts of suggestions. We secured a -candle and constructed two great seals, of red wax, -as if was for the Lord Chancellor; and I returned -to the Post-Office triumphant.</p> - -<p>There was a new ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">ambtenaar</span>’ on duty, the -English-speaking one having apparently gone to -luncheon.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[80]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote">NOT RIGHT YET.</div> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Mag ik beleefd verzoeken?</span>” I said; “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Zeker in -orde?</span>”</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Nee mijnheer</span>”, he replied “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">volstrekt niet in -orde! Er moeten vijf zegels op zijn—vijf.</span>”</p> - -<p>The bundle seemed safe enough to go half round -the world! But he knew the rules; and I submitted -accordingly, went back to the stationer and put -five more seals on the packet, thus making the -number seven in all.</p> - -<p>On presenting my carefully prepared ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">pakje</span>’ in -the post-office I felt confident enough that it was -right. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Nu, mijnheer, het is zeker klaar?</span>”</p> - -<p>The functionary was also disposed to think that -all was as it ought to be and seemed at first to -be satisfied.</p> - -<p>He nodded approval; and gave me a friendly -official smile; but suddenly—as he was laying -the curious object aside—his eye caught the seal -I had used, and his face fell. The seal was a very -simple affair, having been impressed from the back -of a guilder—a beautiful new specimen that I -was reserving for show when I should return to -Trinity.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">READ IT BACKWARDS.</div> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Nee, mijnheer</span>”, he said sharply. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Heelemaal -niet goed! Het moet een werkelijk zegel zijn—met<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[81]</a></span> -letters—Uw naam!</span>” And he drew imaginary -initials on the blotting-paper with his thumb.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Neen maar!—Mijnheer!</span>” I exclaimed.</p> - -<p>Words failed to come to my relief. I could think of -nothing to say but “<i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Gunst!</i>” and in the circumstances -this sounded too like a curse to venture -upon. Presently however I recalled something under -cover of which I could retire: “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Het spijt mij erg—ik -ben verbaasd—dank u vriendlijk.</span>”</p> - -<p>I went away sincerely regretting that I had begun -this business at all. Fortunately when I hunted up -the stationer once more, the man himself was at -home; and after infinite rummaging in remote -drawers he got me a seal with the letters N. J.,—which -was a trifle like Jack O’Neill, if you read it -backwards.</p> - -<p>As that was the nearest approach I could get -to my initials, and as no time was to be lost, -we melted down another stick of red sealing-wax, -and stamped the package over with seven gigantic -seals, N. J.</p> - -<p>I put on <em>seven</em>, though the official only demanded -five, for I had an undefined fear that something -would be wrong again. Meantime the ‘get up’ of -the parcel was growing more impressive and unusual.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[82]</a></span> -The effect of the big letters of the seal was -specially fine, the red bundle now looking as if it -were bound for New Jersey.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">CAN I NEVER SEND OFF THIS PARCEL?</div> - -<p>Then in fear and trembling I made for the post-office -again.</p> - -<p>My tormentor appeared to be appeased. Ah yes, -at last the letters were all right.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Uitstekend, mijnheer</span>,” he said. And he quite -beamed upon me.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Nu de formulieren, asjeblieft.</span>”</p> - -<p>Oh, the papers, of course! I had quite forgotten -about them by this time. Fortunately I hadn’t lost -them; so I handed him both documents. He took -them up, smiling benignly on the foreigner who had -managed to surmount so many obstacles; but alas! -his satisfaction—and mine too—were of short -duration. He frowned impatiently at the brown paper. -“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Nee, mijnheer</span>,” he growled; “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">niet goed!</span>” And he -pushed papers and package and all to me, as if he -was mortally offended.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hé, mijnheer!</span>” I ejaculated—“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hoe is dat? -Kom toch! Wat is niet goed?</span>”</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Geen zegel! geen zegel!</span>” he thundered magisterially, -with a contemptuous toss of the brown -<i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">formulier</i> in my direction. Like a shot he turned to a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[83]</a></span> -schoolboy of fourteen at my elbow, (who had meantime -been studying my writings and reading them audibly -to his companions)—“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">En U?</span>” he enquired.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">A LONG CUE.</div> - -<p>I felt dismissed, if not disgraced! And no investigation -of my belongings could throw any light -on my blunder. The brown manuscript was at fault -I knew; so, as the best thing possible I entered -a solemn declaration, opposite the hiernevens, “<i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">een -pakje met 7 zegels</i>”, and booked the same remark -on a convenient spot on the white paper. This done, -I returned to the charge promptly, but with much -inward apprehension. The cue of people pushing forward -to buy stamps and send things away and -generally to transact business, had grown to a long -line nearly to the door. Humbly I took my place -at the end of the file, about twenty minutes off the -<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">ambtenaar</span>. It wasn’t quite twenty minutes, but it -felt longer; for every now and then the <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">ambtenaar</span> -glanced up, when he had served a customer, and -his eye invariably fell on me. It was a long-drawn-out -agony, that approach to the <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">loket</i>, under official -inspection, so to speak; and I had plenty of time -to register a silent bet with myself that the authorities -were not done with me. They’d be sure to give me -another journey to the stationer’s.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[84]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">ALLEMAAL ZEGELS.</div> - -<p>And so they did! Without deigning to look at -my official guarantee about the 7 <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">zegels</i> the Postal -Radamanthus began with vitriolic self-restraint: “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ik—heb—U—gezegd. -Er—moet—een zegel—op.</span>”</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Oh mynheer!</span>” I burst out in hot indignation, -“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hoe <em>kunt</em> U dat zeggen? Kijk! Het is allemaal -zegels!</span>” And indeed the parcel was almost completely -coated with wax.</p> - -<p>A spasm passed over his face, and he controlled -himself by a severe effort. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ik—heb—U—al—meer -maal—gezegd</span>”—His voice rose -higher and higher, and he bit off the words as if -they were poison. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hier moet de afdruk van het -zegel komen.—Hierr!</span>” And he waved a white -hand over the coloured <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">formulier</i> and finally dropped -his thumb, like a pancake, over a lozenge-shaped -diagram filled with Dutch and French words. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hier!!</span>”</p> - -<p>Ah yes! Just so. Now I saw what was wanted, -and I departed speechlessly to the sealing-wax-shop -again.</p> - -<p>By this time I was quite domesticated there: so -I took a good rest and then put on a formidable -seal on the lozenge. In half an hour I was back -again on the premises of Rhadamanthus, at the end<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[85]</a></span> -of another cue, wondering if I could reach the <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">loket</i> -before it would be closed for the day. You see all -that marching to and fro, and arguing with officials, -and cooking sealing-wax, and waiting your turn in -a crowd, swallows up an immensity of time.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">ART CRITICISM REJECTED.</div> - -<p>At last I was before the little window and handed -in the documents. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ja, ja. De zegel is in orde!</span>”</p> - -<p>“<i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">In orde</i>, <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">mijnheer</span>!” he added with a cherubic -smile. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Best.</span>” “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Maar—maar wat hebben we -hier?</span>” he muttered as he perused my other remarks -on the papers. He appeared somewhat nonplussed -by my <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">opmerkingen</i> as to the contents of package, -and ran his pen through all my art criticisms; then -suddenly said roughly. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Heet U Rebecca O’Neill?</span>”</p> - -<p>This was so unexpected a query that it threw me -off my guard and I answered in English.</p> - -<p>“Do I hate her? Oh no. On the contrary, I am -sincerely attached to her. But why do you ask?”</p> - -<p>He said “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Exkuseer</span>” and called another <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">ambtenaar</span>—one -who talked English. This new functionary -opened fire at once, “Sir, is your name Rebecca -O’Neill?”</p> - -<p>“Bless my heart”, I said; “Not at all. That’s -my aunt.”</p> - -<p>“In that case, sir, you have sent the package<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[86]</a></span> -to yourself, and filled in the declarations all wrongly”.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">OF NO VALUE.</div> - -<p>“Is there <em>no</em> way,” I said in despair, “to send -this thing off? I have been all morning labouring -at it, and I can’t get rid of it. Would you mind -accepting it as a gift—just a little friendly gift, -you know, as a token of my appreciation of the -post-office arrangements? Or would there be any -objection to my leaving it here lying on your desk? -It’s quite harmless; perhaps even elegant—that -depends on taste—but I don’t care for it any -more! It’s no further use to me. Will you have it?”</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Oh hé!</span> you mean it is of no value?”</p> - -<p>“No value—not the least”, I said, glad to -see a chance of disposing of it.</p> - -<p>“Then you can send it off as, well—what we -call—<i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Monster zonder waarde</i>—<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">monster—monster</span>—I -remember not your English word?”</p> - -<p>“Oh,” said I, “it is all right as it is. You don’t -need it translated. ‘Monster’ is quite good English—and -very expressive.”</p> - -<p>“Then,” said he; “that is it—<em>Worthless -Monster</em>. <em>That</em> must you write—on the package. -Then will it cost you a <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">dubbeltje</span>; and it will go -off at once. No wax will be needed, and no papers. -No trouble of any kind.”</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[87]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">MONSTER ZONDER WAARDE.</div> - -<p>“I am delighted with your kindness,” said I to -him. “You have relieved my mind.”</p> - -<p>“Will you put the name on it now?” he enquired -courteously, reaching me his own pen from behind -his ear. “Please write legibly the English declaration. -I shall do the Dutch for you. It must be plain.”</p> - -<p>“If you don’t mind,” I said, “as you are so kind, -might I ask you just to write both English and -Dutch?”</p> - -<p>A glance had shown me that these curious words -would have to come uncomfortably near my aunt’s -name; and as my aunt is rather a particular old -lady with very definite notions about her own dignity, -I judged it prudent that this title of distinction -with which she was going to be invested should be -drawn up in other handwriting than her nephew’s. -She had a hawk’s eye and could detect every -scratch I made with the pen.</p> - -<p>“If it’s not too much trouble, please put the -whole declaration on it yourself. You’ll find a place -here”, I said, turning over the unsightly object. -“There’s a little room left here, I think—just -beside the address”.</p> - -<p>He looked it all over. It was quite true. The -parcel was all a mass of red wax and “N. J.’s”<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[88]</a></span> -except round about the address, where we had kept -the wax well off it for fear of infringing some other -regulation.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">A FLATTERING ADDRESS.</div> - -<p>“English first!” he said, making use of the vacant -space.</p> - -<p>And in Roman letters just after my aunt’s name -he boldly penned the mystic words, first in English, -and then, in brackets, in Dutch. This is how it ran:</p> - -<div class="centered"><div class="bbox1"> -<p class="center"><span class="smcap">To Miss REBECCA FITZGERALD O’NEILL</span>,</p> - -<p class="spr2"><span class="f8"><b>Worthless Monster (<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">zonder waarde</span>),</b></span></p> - -<p class="spr7"><span class="smcap">Warlin castle,</span></p> - -<p class="spr2">KILLERY BAY</p> - -<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Ireland</span> <span class="conn">CONNEMARA.</span></p> -</div></div> - -<p>After that I wouldn’t touch the parcel.</p> - -<p>I declined all further responsibility in connection -with it; and, leaving it with him, retired, -as from a good day’s work.</p> - -<p>As I knew my aunt, I felt sure she would appreciate -the delicate compliment implied by the -proximity of the postal notice to her name.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">IS CHIVALRY DEAD?</div> - -<p>This indeed proved the case, when I visited her<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[89]</a></span> -later in the autumn. I draw a veil over our interview; -but happily my aunt is fond of a joke, and -when I told her my adventures of that morning, -she laughed as she had not done for years, until I -flattered myself she had forgotten the queer declaration -on her package.</p> - -<p>At the end, however, she suddenly drew herself -up and, raising a reproving finger, said, “Well, -it wasn’t <em>your</em> writing! or I shouldn’t let you off so -easily, Jack. But what kind of a functionary was -that, now, who would dare, in your presence, to -insult your aunt?”</p> - -<p>“In my young days a lad of spirit would have -<em>called out</em> a villain like that,—yes, or a fellow -that ventured on the twentieth part of such an -atrocity!”</p> - -<p>“Jack, Jack, where’s your chivalry?”</p> - -<p>“Calm yourself, my dear aunt,” I retorted. -“Its only that you don’t catch the niceties of a -translation. But you’ll pick that up soon enough if -you go over with me to the Hague next year.”</p> - -<p>“<em>Never</em>”, said my aunt firmly.</p> - -<hr class="l1" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[90]</a></span></p> - - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XI" id="CHAPTER_XI">CHAPTER XI.</a><br /><br /> - -<small>A SUCCESSFUL INTERVIEW.</small></h2> - - -<p>“You must not suppose,” said O’Neill, after I -had expressed my commiseration, “that I was always -unsuccessful in my conversations and business transactions. -On the contrary I have sometimes surprised -myself and everybody else by the (shall I say?) -aptness and readiness of my utterance—not to -speak of its delicacy and point.</p> - -<p>You smile? But listen.</p> - -<p>This was certainly the case one day when I -had an interview with an elegant young man -who came to me from the <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Bevolkings Register -Bureau</span>.</p> - -<p>That is the place where the authorities give -themselves so much needless trouble about your -address and initials, and where I had broken the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[91]</a></span> -law of the land by mixing up the tinsmith with -the lightning-conductor.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">KEEP THE CONVERSATION TO YOURSELF.</div> - -<p>Well a representative of this Departement of -State called upon me two days running, when I -was out. The last time he came he left word that -he would return next morning at 10.30 sharp; -and would I please give him an interview?</p> - -<p>I thought it wise to do so.</p> - -<p>That unhappy blunder of mine might get me -into trouble. Perhaps the officials of the <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Bevolkings</span> -office were going to prosecute me for conspiring -to deceive the government. At all events I -would be at home at 10.30; and, more than that, -I would be ready for my visitor when he came.</p> - -<p>I rose about six, and prepared for the proposed -conversation as a barrister prepares his brief.</p> - -<p>As the man who talks most has generally the -situation in his own hand, I determined to keep the -greater part of the conversation to myself. All -the likely sentences that could possibly be of -avail I copied out of the phrase-book on a sheet of -foolscap. Some new expressions and idioms were -added, and committed as thoroughly as possible to -memory.</p> - -<p>And, by the way, I made use of a fresh discovery—a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[92]</a></span> -number of <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">algemeene opmerkingen</i> from the end of -the grammar.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">A LITERARY FORTRESS.</div> - -<p>These were on the same lines as the material -in the phrase-book, but much more learned. They -were for advanced students (I was rather advanced -now, so to speak,) and they had a distinct literary -and scientific flavour. I went over all these, -aloud—my old and favourite plan—so as to gain -fluency and facility in uttering them.</p> - -<p>Furthermore, not being able to trust my memory -absolutely—there was a lot of new stuff to be -mastered, you see,—I hit upon a plan to lead the -conversation and keep it upon topics of my own -choosing.</p> - -<p>My strategem was of uncommon simplicity, but -admirably effective for all that.</p> - -<p>On my table I erected a kind of informal reading-desk -composed of books and magazines; then -in a hollow of this edifice, out of sight, I placed my -manuscript notes where they could easily catch my -eye. Two chairs I set carefully in position—one -for myself beside my fortress, the other for my -visitor in the middle of the room in a good clear -light.</p> - -<p>Then I awaited results.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[93]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote">AN ASTONISHED OFFICIAL.</div> - -<p>At half past ten o’clock sharp there came a -ring to the hall-door; and, ushered by the obsequious -landlady, in walked a young fellow fashionably -dressed, with languid manners and a general -air being bored with life. He carried a portfolio -gracefully under his arm.</p> - -<p>Without waiting for him to begin, I went up -to him the moment he entered, and shook him -cordially by the hand, I relieved him of his umbrella—he -had one though the weather was fine; -and as his other hand was thus partially released, -I shook it with no less heartiness.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Blijdschap, mijnheer!</span>” I began, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Blijdschap en -vreugde! Het verblijdt mij zeer—U te ontmoeten! -Mag ik U verzoeken Uw jas af te zetten. Wat? -Nee?</span>”</p> - -<p>As the day was burning hot and he wore no -overcoat, I didn’t insist upon this.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Zij het zoo, myn waarde!—Neem een stoel</span>,” -I continued. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ga zitten, ik bid U. Het is aangenaam -weer.—Volstrekt niet koud—neen—niet -koud.</span>”</p> - -<p>This was well within the mark, for it was 89° -in the shade.</p> - -<p>My Dutch seemed to surprise him for he said<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[94]</a></span> -feebly “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Dag</span>—Sir—Yes—I mean—<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">O ja</span>.”</p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">WAT GEBRUIKT U?</div> - -<p>I saw he was just the kind of young man that -I could have a pleasant talk with. But it was now -time I got back to my notes. Before sitting down -however, I asked to take charge of his hat.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Handig mij Uw hoed over!</span>” I said, reaching for it. -When he hesitated, I put him at his ease with -an “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">alstjeblieft; toe dan! toe!</span>”</p> - -<p>Though there was an interval of a second or two -whilst I was getting behind my barricade he was -too astonished to utter a sound, either in Dutch or -in English. I perceived my advantage and intended -to keep it.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Mag ik u iets aanbieden?</span>” I said with a wave -of the hand, throwing in some nonsense out the -grammar.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Wat gebruikt U?—ah—hm—Een—<em>voorzetsel</em>, -bijvoorbeeld?—of—de gebiedende wijs—of—een -bijvoeglijk naamwoord? Wat—niets?</span>”</p> - -<p>As he still said nothing, I pointed him to my -cupboards, by happy inspiration remembering the -refrain of the vendor of eatables at one of the -stations, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Bierr, limonade, spuitwater?</span>” adding—“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Bitterkoekjes -en ijskoud bier; of—een -amandel broodje?</span>”</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[95]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">IK BID U WELKOM.</div> - -<p>It was well he didn’t accept, for I had none -of these dainties in the house; but it sounded -friendly to offer them.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Of</span>,” I put in, sinking my voice to a confidential -whisper, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Spreekt U liever over de Nieuwe -Electrische Tramweg? Wel, dan.—Het publiek -wordt gewaarschuwd het personeel niet in gesprek -te houden.</span>”</p> - -<p>Very faintly came the reply, as he moved restlessly -on the edge of his chair, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Mynheer, ik kwam -niet om de Tramweg.</span>”</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Neen?</span>” I said. “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Goed. Best. Ik neem het ook -niet kwalijk, mijnheer! ik bid U welkom!—Het -doet mij genoegen, na al het ongunstige weer van -verleden week, U zoo goed en wel te zien.</span>”</p> - -<p>The weather had been quite hot; but this was one -of the good phrases of the book, and I stuck to it.</p> - -<p>All this appeared to increase his panic, and he -glanced at the door more than once as if he would -like to make a bolt for safety.</p> - -<p>Now I was quite in my element, and from my -palissade of books I could hurl all sorts of irrelevant -politenesses at him.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ik verwelkom U oprechtelijk, mijnheer. U bezoek -is mij oorzaak van ongeveinsde blijdschap.</span>”</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[96]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote">NONSENSE LET LOOSE.</div> - -<p>Holding the portfolio clenched in both hands he -stared at me as if he was incapable of speech.</p> - -<p>This seemed a favourable opportunity for putting -in an <i lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">algemeene opmerking</i>, which I must say had -all the effect of a round shot after infantry fire.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Deugden en belooning gaan zelden te zamen</span>,” -I murmured pleasantly, with a friendly gesture of -deprecation. Then in a second or two afterwards -I added,—leaving him to find out the connection -as best he might,—“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Water bevriest op -twee-en-dertig graden.</span>”</p> - -<p>The more outrageous the nonsense which I -repeated from my notes, the paler he got.</p> - -<p>He seemed to measure the distance between his -seat and the door; but I rose and walked about the -room, repeating softly to myself such phrases as -I knew well, no matter what meaning they might -have—“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Lamaar! pas op! niet pluis, hoor!—’t -komt er niet op aan!</span>”</p> - -<p>Some midges were buzzing about the room. I -pointed to them saying “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">akelige beesten, nie waar?</span>” -And making a sudden spring towards one that was -approaching his head I impaled it, or rather smashed -it, in the approved fashion between my hands. -The fragments of the insect I displayed to him on<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[97]</a></span> -my palm adding triumphantly; “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Dood als een pier.</span>” -He was ready to go.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">A LINGUISTIC VICTORY.</div> - -<p>Laying at last a fatherly hand upon his shoulder -I genially enquired, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Vergun my te vragen, -jongeling,—hoe is het—met uwe—achtenswaardige -ouders?</span>”</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">O ja, mijnheer</span>”, he said in a breathless whisper. -“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ja zeker, mijnheer. Dank U zeer—Ik moet weg, -sir. Ik heb belet—thuis—Ik moet weg—Ik -zal het U zenden.</span>”—</p> - -<p>And he was gone! gone, too, without his hat!</p> - -<p>I was left master of the field.</p> - -<p>Ringing the bell, I rushed to the landing and -called after him, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Duizendmaal vergiffenis, Bevolkings -Mijnheer!—Uw hoed!</span>”</p> - -<p>But that hurried him only the more swiftly down -those steep stairs; and I was sincerely glad to -observe that the landlady, like a good goal-keeper, -had stopped him at the door, where they entered -into earnest colloquy.</p> - -<p>I had won this conversational contest; and half -my ammunition was not yet expended!</p> - -<p>Eight polite sentences and about a dozen ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">algemeene -opmerkingen</span>’ remained unused, besides two -general topics—‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">boomkweekerij</span>’ and <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Rembrandt</span>.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[98]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">HOUD UWEN BEK.</div> - -<p>But what did he mean by ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ik zal het U zenden</span>?’ -What was it that he meant to send? I devoutly -hoped there would be no further difficulty about -my address, and was just trusting I had escaped, -when the landlady entered with the words, “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hij -moet zijn hoed hebbe</span>.” Then, as she took it in -her hand, she added “<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Mijnheer zegt, dat het niet -veilig in huis is—niet veilig, zegt mijnheer!</span>”</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hij vraagt ook wat de groote letter is vóór -O’Neill? Of het een J of een I of een T of een -F of een Y is, niemand op het kantoor kan het -uitmaken, Uw handschrift is zoo onduidelijk, zegt -mijnheer.</span>”</p> - -<p>Relieved to see there was nothing worse, I went -to some old copies of the ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Nieuws van den Dag</span>,’ -which were lying carefully folded up on the side-table, -and with a pair of scissors cut out a J from the word -Juli, pasted it hastily on a sheet of notepaper and -wrote underneath it, ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Met veel complimenten—en -de groeten.</span>’</p> - -<p>Yes; the interview was decidedly successful.</p> - -<p>Yet it pales before the fame I once got by a -single sentence, just outside de <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Beurs-station</span>, in -Rotterdam.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">STILL MUCH ADMIRED.</div> - -<p>I was pounced upon by an army of porters; they<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[99]</a></span> -had seized me and my bag, and were quarrelling -loudly. I said “Hush” to the worst of them, but -one brawny rascal was inclined to be insolent, and -I was put upon my mettle.</p> - -<p>“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Ik bid U—houd Uwen bek</span>,” I said—“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">anders</span>,”—and -here I glanced round for a policeman, -“<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">anders—roep ik—de Openbare Macht</span>.”</p> - -<p>The man ran like a hare.</p> - -<p>I pride myself that there was dignity and firmness, -courtesy and local colour all in that one sentence.</p> - -<p>And I find that it is still much admired.</p> - -<hr class="l1" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[100]</a></span></p> - - -<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XII" id="CHAPTER_XII">CHAPTER XII.</a><br /><br /> - -<small>DUTCH CORRESPONDENCE.</small></h2> - - -<p>The gentleman from the <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Bevolkings Register -Bureau</span> had left his umbrella behind him in his hurried -departure that Thursday morning, so I sent it -back to him with a polite note. It would have been -easy to write the polite note in English, but that -would never do. After my success in carrying on a -long conversation in Dutch I felt that a lapse into -English would be a confession of weakness.</p> - -<p>My reputation as a linguist could only be maintained -by a real Dutch letter. Now the phrase book -gave but little light on the vast subject of correspondence. -Except a brief note acknowledging the -arrival of a ton of coals, and a still briefer note -accepting, in the third person, a formal invitation -to dinner, there was nothing about letter-writing in -the volume.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[101]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">DIERBARE HOOGEDELGESTRENGE.</div> - -<p>It was not easy to find any phrases out of these -epistles suitable for working in to my note about -the umbrella.</p> - -<p>They were valuable as examples, merely for the -general rhythm and style, as it were, and then only -to a slight extent. As my missive was of a <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">genre</i> -quite distinct from these models, I felt justified in -composing it in my own way.</p> - -<p>I wrote the letter first in English; then set about -translating it, as elegantly as I could, into Dutch.</p> - -<p>Here is the English—quite friendly, you see.</p> - -<p class="spl6"><i>Dear Sir</i>,</p> - -<p><i>As you left your umbrella behind on Thursday -morning when you did me the honour to call, I -beg to send it to you by bearer, in the hope that -it may reach you safely without delay.</i></p> - -<p><i>Trusting that its absence may have occasioned -you no inconvenience, I remain, dear sir,</i></p> - -<p class="right"> -<span class="spr4"><i>Very truly yours</i></span><br /> -<span class="spr1"><i>Jack O’Neill</i>.</span><br /> -</p> - -<p>As a beginning, the phrase-book gave <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hooggeachte -Heer</span> and <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hoogedelgestrenge Heer</span>, and many -more very official-looking titles. It gave ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">mijnheer</span>’ -for ‘sir’; but for ‘dear sir’ nothing at all.</p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">HET BY MIJ EENE VISITE AFLEGGEN.</div> - -<p>Seeing, however, that <em>dear</em> was <em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">lief</em> or <em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">dierbaar</em>,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[102]</a></span> -I could easily make out a form of friendly address:—‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Dierbare -mijnheer</span>’ or briefly ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Dierbaar</span>.’</p> - -<p>It was a toss up, indeed whether to take the -stiff title <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hooggeachte Heer</span> (for <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Hoogedelgestrenge -Heer</span> seemed too much of a good thing for a note -about an umbrella) or this more affectionate but -somewhat doubtful <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Dierbaar</span>!</p> - -<p>I finally decided on a combination, one at the -beginning and one at the end.</p> - -<p>I sailed along quite comfortably until I arrived -at his ‘<em>doing me the honour to call</em>’. This required -hammering out; and when I had tortured -myself a long time over it, here is what I got: -‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">wanneer gij mij vereerdet door het bij mij eene -visite afleggen</span>’. Dreadfully round-about, you perceive! -So I just fell back upon brevity, and trusted -to luck to carry me safely through. ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Op mij te -roepen</span>’, sounded terse and likely; and I chose it to -avoid worse pitfalls with <em lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">door</em> and the infinitive.</p> - -<p>As ‘<em>I beg</em>’ had a brusque ring, I made it a -trifle mellower and more courteous by the helpful -and familiar ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">verschoon mij</span>’. ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Verschoon mij, dat -ik bedel</span>,’ I could not improve on <em>that</em>.</p> - -<p>But the proper division of ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">overhandigen</span>’ into its -component parts was not easy.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[103]</a></span></p> - -<div class="sidenote" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">VERTROUWELIJK <span xml:lang="en" lang="en">OR</span> WAARACHTIG.</div> - -<p>To get the right ‘hang’ of this sentence, I forcibly -detached the ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">over</span>’, and dragged this harmless <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">voorzetsel</span> -well forward so as not to impede the action -of its own particular verb, when you got so far. -This much improved the rhythm; and I gave myself -some freedom in the phrasing to keep up the style.</p> - -<p>Indeed, after all, two or three bits of phrases -could be worked in. ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">Goedige aanblikken</span>’ caught -my eye somewhere. I was delighted to have a kind -of equivalent for <em>kind regards</em>; and eschewing the -temptation to deviate into ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">zuiverlijk</span>’ for <em>sincerely</em>, -or ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">vertrouwelijk</span>’ for <em>faithfully</em>, I finished with -simple directness using ‘<span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">waarachtig</span>’ for <em>truly</em>. This -I afterwards thought of changing to <span lang="nl" xml:lang="nl">waarempeltjes</span> -as being less formal.</p> - -<p>Finally, to give a neat turn to the whole, I -dropped in a sentence from the conversation-manual, -so as to refer with a light but artistic touch to -the broiling weather.</p> - -<div class="sidenote">THE FINISHED PRODUCT.</div> - -<p>Thus the finished product assumed the following -form:</p> - -<div lang="nl" xml:lang="nl"> -<p class="spl4">Hooggeachte Heer!</p> - -<p>Aangezien dat gij in mijn zaal laatsten Donderdag -morgen Uwen regenscherm vergegeten hebt, op den -datum dat gij mij de eer deedt om op mij te roepen,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[104]</a></span> -en visite af te leggen, verschoon mij dat ik bedel het -geabandoneerde voorwerp beleefd over aan UEdele -te handigen door den drager dezes briefs.</p> - -<p>Ik bemerkt niet eerstelijk dat de regenscherm de -Uwe was; dus ik vertrouw dat gij wilt pardoneeren -al het verdriet dat zijne afwezigheid veroorzaakt -hebben moge.</p> - -<p>Hoe heerlijk dat het gunstige weer van gisteren -en onlangs gestadig blijft! Ik hoop van harte dat -U ervan heerlijk geniet.</p> - -<p>Koesterende den hoop dat de regenscherm zonder -oponthoud U goed en wel zal bereiken,</p> - -<p class="right"> -<span class="spr6">Ik blijf,</span><br /> -<span class="spr4">Dierbaar,</span><br /> -<span class="spr2">met goedige aanblikken,</span><br /> -<span class="spr4">waarachtig de Uwe,</span><br /> -<span class="spr2">Jack O’Neill.</span><br /> -</p> -</div> - -<hr class="l1" /> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[105]</a></span></p> - -<div class="f9" lang="nl" xml:lang="nl"> -<h2><a name="EENIGE_PERSBEOORDEELINGEN" id="EENIGE_PERSBEOORDEELINGEN">EENIGE PERSBEOORDEELINGEN.</a></h2> - - -<p>Op hoogst geestige wijze vertelde de Heer <span class="smcap">Brown</span> van -des heeren O’Neill onverstoorbaren ijver om Hollandsch -te willen spreken, en de honderden bokken, die de Brit -schoot, deden de toehoorders soms onbedaarlijk lachen, -vooral zijn kennismaking met den heer van het bevolkingsregisterbureau, -zijn onderhoud met de waschvrouw bij -het opmaken der waschlijst, zijn uitstapje naar den Haag, -de wijze waarop hij “Have jou pens” vertaalde, en de -manier waarop hij zich in verschillende winkels trachtte -duidelijk te maken waren hoogst amusant. Maar vooral -de teekening van hetgeen daarbij voorviel en was op te -merken, gaf ons humor te hooren, zooals we die slechts -vinden bij <span class="smcap">Dickens</span>.</p> - -<p class="pers"><cite>Het Nieuws van Zeist en Driebergen.</cite></p> - - -<p>In de kleine zaal van het concertgebouw heeft de Heer -<span class="smcap">J. Irwin Brown</span>, die reeds den vorigen winter met groot -succes hier ter stede een paar lezingen hield, een volle -zaal vaak tot schier onbedaarlijk lachen gedwongen, door -zijn lezing. En de velen die hem hoorden en zich af en -toe tranen lachten, hebben den redenaar door warme -toejuichingen beloond voor het genot hun verschaft,</p> - -<p class="pers"><cite>Alg. Handelsblad.</cite></p> - - -<p>De typische manier, waarop de Heer <span class="smcap">Brown</span> het Hollandsch -uitsprak, alsmede zijn kalm maar hoogst humoristische -wijze van voordragen “deed ’t hem.” De talrijke -aanwezigen gierden het telkens uit van ’t lachen,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[106]</a></span> -sommige gevallen waren bepaald ook uiterst amusant.</p> - -<p>Hun die nog niet het genoegen hadden de Heer <span class="smcap">Brown</span> -te hooren, kunnen wij zeer aanbevelen zulks te gaan doen.</p> - -<p class="pers"><cite>Telegraaf.</cite></p> - - -<p>Behalve zijn liefde voor de Engelsche literatuur, bezit -de Heer <span class="smcap">Brown</span> ook den kostelijken humor die zoo speciaal -Britsch is, dien humor zonder eenige pretentie, maar -daarom juist zoo onweerstaanbaar.</p> - -<p>Verslag te geven van deze voordracht is ondoenlijk. -Men moet die zelf hooren om mee te schateren van ’t -lachen.</p> - -<p class="pers"><cite>Rotterdamsch Nieuwsblad.</cite></p> - - -<p>Dms. <span class="smcap">Brown</span> heeft ook ditmaal weder veel succes gehad -en wij zouden niet weten wat meer te prijzen: zijn -schoone “dictie” van verzen, of de geestige manier, -waarop hij “a Briton’s Difficulties in mastering Dutch” -behandelde. Het laatste bracht de lachspieren heftig in -beweging en bij elken “blunder” van den Brit schaterde -het publiek het uit.</p> - -<p>Van harte hopen wij, dat het Haarlemsche publiek het -volgend jaar nog eens in de gelegenheid zal worden -gesteld dezen begaafden spreker te hooren.</p> - -<p class="pers"><cite>Haarlemsche Courant.</cite></p> - - -<p>”... Aan velen in den lande zijn de stukjes, hier -in een bundel verzameld, reeds bekend, want de Heer -<span class="smcap">Brown</span> heeft ze op verschillende plaatsen voorgedragen. -In een aantal recensies van die voordrachten wordt gewag -gemaakt van het onbedaarlijk gelach, dat de voordrager -er mee verwekte. Het is ons bij de lezing niet anders -vergaan. We konden ons telkens niet houden van het<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[107]</a></span> -lachen. Het boekje is inderdaad vol onweerstaanbare vis -comica.”</p> - -<p class="pers"><cite>Nieuwe Rotterd. Courant.</cite></p> - - -<p>... Van af de eerste tot de laatste bladzijde spreekt -er uit het boekje een schat van gezonden, ongezochten -humor, afgewisseld door tal van rake opmerkingen, over -misbruiken in onze spreektaal binnengeslopen en zoo geacclimatiseerd, -dat we ze nauwelijks meer bemerkten. -Zelfs <span class="smcap">Nurks</span> zaliger nagedachtenis zou het bezit van lachspieren -gemerkt hebben, wanneer hem ooit de conversatie -tusschen <span class="smcap">O’Neill</span> en den heer van ’t bevolkingsregister -ware medegedeeld.</p> - -<p>Als ’t waar is, dat lachen een genezenden invloed op -zieken uitoefent, wagen we “An Irishman’s difficulties -with the Dutch language” als universeel-geneesmiddel aan -te bevelen, op gevaar af, ons schuldig te maken aan -onbevoegd uitoefenen der geneeskunde....</p> - -<p class="pers"><cite>De Telegraaf.</cite></p> - - -<p>... Het is een boekje vooral geschikt voor kniesooren -en droefgeestigen. Ze zullen er van opknappen.</p> - -<p class="pers"><cite>De Nederlander.</cite></p> - - -<p>... Laten ze lachen om het prachtige Hollandsche -waschlijstje, om den bliksemafleider en om de “kwast” in -het cafétje, allen tot mistificaties worden, lachen om -zooveel andere dingen, als de moeilijkheden met den postambtenaar, -bij het verzenden van een postpakketje of het -gesprek met den man van het bevolkingsregister, lachen -om het kostelijke briefje waarmee het boekje besluit....</p> - -<p class="pers">“<cite>De Nieuwe Courant</cite>”.</p> -</div> - - -<div id="tnote"> -<p id="tn">Opmerkingen van de bewerker</p> - - -<p>De kopteksten van het oorspronkelijke boek zijn gebruikt als -zijnoten. </p> - -<p>Duidelijke fouten met leestekens zijn stilzwijgend verbeterd. De -nummering van hoofdstuk 11 en 12 (oorspronkelijk 12 en 13) is -gecorrigeerd. Bovendien zijn de volgende veranderingen aangebracht, -op bladzij<br /> - -7 “change” in “chance” (There is no chance of practice unless you -get away)<br /> - -16 “Incorrigble” in “Incorrigible” (interposed the First Year -Incorrigible)<br /> - -17 “des” in “yes” (“Oh, yes”, said O’Neill with some show of -caution.)<br /> - -29 “pakage” in “package” (errand-boy entered with a package which -he)<br /> - -33 “dont” in “don’t” (I don’t care)<br /> - -41 “KERCHIFF” in “KERCHIEF” (THE KERCHIEF OF QUEEN ELIZABETH.)<br /> - -41 “if” in “of” (which of course must be right)<br /> - -43 “word” in “words” (A few other words I got with comparative -ease)<br /> - -49 “own” in “now” (at a loss now and again)<br /> - -51 “exclained” in “exclaimed” (he exclaimed with delight)<br /> - -52 “inte” in “into” (and you’ll get into no end of trouble)<br /> - -55 “brillantly” in “brilliantly” (The plan was brilliantly -successful.)<br /> - -57 “seen” in “seem” (those horrid expressions that you seem so fond -of)<br /> - -61 “myterious” in “mysterious” (draw some of this mysterious -beverage)<br /> - -66 “metters” in “matters” (This did not appreciably mend matters)<br /> - -76 “exclained” in “exclaimed” (exclaimed Enderby, rising suddenly -off his seat)<br /> - -81 “exlaimed” in “exclaimed” (“Neen maar!—Mijnheer!” I exclaimed.)<br /> - -88 “ADDRES” in “ADDRESS” (A FLATTERING ADDRESS.)<br /> - -90 “unsuccesful” in “unsuccessful” (that I was always -unsuccessful in my conversations)<br /> - -93 “delarations” in “declarations” (and filled in the declarations -all wrongly".)<br /> - -97 “Layng” in “Laying” (Laying at last a fatherly hand upon his -shoulder)<br /> - -97 “amunition” in “ammunition” (and half my ammunition was not yet -expended)<br /> - -100 “Registers” in “Register” (The gentleman from the Bevolkings -Register Bureau)<br /> - -112 “onderhond” in “onderhoud” (zijn onderhoud met de waschvrouw).</p> - -<p>Andere eigenaardigheden en inconsequenties in spelling en -grammatica zijn niet gewijzigd, zoals bijvoorbeeld het afwisselend -gebruik van “y” en “ij”, en het gebruik van afbrekingsstreepjes en -aanhalingstekens.</p> -</div> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of An Irishman's Difficulties with the -Dutch Language, by N.A. 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