1 files changed, 9149 insertions, 0 deletions

diff --git a/43278-0.txt b/43278-0.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b22f988
--- /dev/null
+++ b/43278-0.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,9149 @@
+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 43278 ***
+
+                            CAKES AND ALE
+
+
+
+
+                         _BY THE SAME AUTHOR_
+
+
+                           THE FLOWING BOWL
+
+                  A TREATISE ON DRINKS OF ALL KINDS
+                   AND OF ALL PERIODS, INTERSPERSED
+                      WITH SUNDRY ANECDOTES AND
+                            REMINISCENCES
+
+                                  BY
+
+                            EDWARD SPENCER
+
+                        ('NATHANIEL GUBBINS')
+
+                   Author of "Cakes and Ale," etc.
+
+                  _Crown 8vo., cloth gilt, 2/6 net._
+
+                           SECOND EDITION.
+
+               With cover design by the late PHIL MAY.
+
+
+              "The Flowing Bowl" overflows with good
+              cheer. In the happy style that enlivens its
+              companion volume, "Cakes and Ale," the
+              author gives a history of drinks and their
+              use, interspersed with innumerable recipes
+              for drinks new and old, dug out of records
+              of ancient days, or set down anew.
+
+                      LONDON: STANLEY PAUL & CO.
+                    31, Essex Street, Strand, W.C.
+
+
+
+
+                             CAKES & ALE
+
+                      A DISSERTATION ON BANQUETS
+
+                  INTERSPERSED WITH VARIOUS RECIPES,
+                      MORE OR LESS ORIGINAL, AND
+                     ANECDOTES, MAINLY VERACIOUS
+
+                                  BY
+
+                            EDWARD SPENCER
+                        ('NATHANIEL GUBBINS')
+
+                  AUTHOR OF "THE FLOWING BOWL," ETC.
+
+                           _FOURTH EDITION_
+
+                          STANLEY PAUL & CO.
+
+                    31, ESSEX STREET, STRAND, W.C.
+
+
+
+
+                      _First printed April 1897
+                      Reprinted May 1897
+                      Cheap Edition February 1900
+                      Reprinted 1913_
+
+
+
+
+                        TO THE MODERN LUCULLUS
+
+                             JOHN CORLETT
+
+               GRANDEST OF HOSTS, BEST OF TRENCHER-MEN
+                              I DEDICATE
+                   (WITHOUT ANY SORT OF PERMISSION)
+
+                              THIS BOOK
+
+
+
+
+                               PREFACE
+
+
+A long time ago, an estimable lady fell at the feet of an habitual
+publisher, and prayed unto him:--
+
+"Give, oh! give me the subject of a book for which the world has a
+need, and I will write it for you."
+
+"Are you an author, madam?" asked the publisher, motioning his visitor
+to a seat.
+
+"No, sir," was the proud reply, "I am a poet."
+
+"Ah!" said the great man. "I am afraid there is no immediate worldly
+need of a poet. If you could only write a good cookery book, now!"
+
+The story goes on to relate how the poetess, not rebuffed in the
+least, started on the requisite culinary work, directly she got
+home; pawned her jewels to purchase postage stamps, and wrote far
+and wide for recipes, which in course of time she obtained, by the
+hundredweight. Other recipes she "conveyed" from ancient works of
+gastronomy, and in a year or two the _magnum opus_ was given to the
+world; the lady's share in the profits giving her "adequate provision
+for the remainder of her life." We are not told, but it is presumable,
+that the publisher received a little adequate provision too.
+
+History occasionally repeats itself; and the history of the present
+work begins in very much the same way. Whether it will finish in an
+equally satisfactory manner is problematical. I do not possess much of
+the divine _afflatus_ myself; but there has ever lurked within me some
+sort of ambition to write a book--something held together by "tree
+calf," "half morocco," or "boards"; something that might find its way
+into the hearts and homes of an enlightened public; something which
+will give some of my young friends ample opportunity for criticism. In
+the exercise of my profession I have written leagues of descriptive
+"copy"--mostly lies and racing selections,--but up to now there has
+been no urgent demand for a book of any sort from this pen. For years
+my ambition has remained ungratified. Publishers--as a rule, the most
+faint-hearted and least speculative of mankind--have held aloof. And
+whatever suggestions I might make were rejected, with determination,
+if not with contumely.
+
+At length came the hour, and the man; the introduction to a publisher
+with an eye for budding and hitherto misdirected talent.
+
+"Do you care, sir," I inquired at the outset, "to undertake the
+dissemination of a bulky work on Political Economy?"
+
+"Frankly, sir, I do not," was the reply. Then I tried him with
+various subjects--social reform, the drama, bimetallism, the ethics
+of starting prices, the advantages of motor cars in African warfare,
+natural history, the martyrdom of Ananias, practical horticulture,
+military law, and dogs; until he took down an old duck-gun from a peg
+over the mantelpiece, and assumed a threatening attitude.
+
+Peace having been restored, the self-repetition of history recommenced.
+
+"I can do with a good, bold, brilliant, lightly treated, exhaustive
+work on Gastronomy," said the publisher, "you are well acquainted with
+the subject, I believe?"
+
+"I'm a bit of a parlour cook, if that's what you mean," was my humble
+reply. "At a salad, a grill, an anchovy toast, or a cooling and
+cunningly compounded cup, I can be underwritten at ordinary rates. But
+I could no more cook a haunch of venison, or even boil a rabbit, or
+make an economical Christmas pudding, than I could sail a boat in a
+nor'-easter; and Madam Cook would certainly eject me from her kitchen,
+with a clout attached to the hem of my dinner jacket, inside five
+minutes."
+
+Eventually it was decided that I should commence this book.
+
+"What I want," said the publisher, "is a series of essays on food,
+a few anecdotes of stirring adventure--you have a fine flow of
+imagination, I understand--and a few useful, but uncommon recipes. But
+plenty of plums in the book, my dear sir, plenty of plums."
+
+"But, suppose my own supply of plums should not hold out, what am I to
+do?"
+
+"What do you do--what does the cook do, when the plums for her
+pudding run short? Get some more; the Museum, my dear sir, the great
+storehouse of national literature, is free to all whose character is
+above the normal standard. When your memory and imagination fail, try
+the British Museum. You know what is a mightier factor than both sword
+and pen? Precisely so. And remember that in replenishing your store
+from the works of those who have gone before, you are only following
+in their footsteps. I only bar Sydney Smith and Charles Lamb. Let me
+have the script by Christmas--d'you smoke?--mind the step--_good_
+morning."
+
+In this way, gentle reader, were the trenches dug, the saps laid
+for the attack of the great work. The bulk of it is original, and
+the adventures in which the writer has taken part are absolutely
+true. About some of the others I would not be so positive. Some of
+the recipes have previously figured in the pages of the _Sporting
+Times_, the _Lady's Pictorial_, and the _Man of the World_, to the
+proprietors of which journals I hereby express my kindly thanks for
+permission to revive them. Many of the recipes are original; some
+are my own; others have been sent in by relatives, and friends of my
+youth; others have been adapted for modern requirements from works of
+great antiquity; whilst others again--I am nothing if not candid--have
+been "conveyed" from the works of more modern writers, who in their
+turn had borrowed them from the works of their ancestors. There is
+nothing new under the sun; and there are but few absolute novelties
+which are subjected to the heat of the kitchen fire.
+
+If the style of the work be faulty, the reason--not the excuse--is
+that the style is innate, and not modelled upon anybody else's
+style. The language I have endeavoured to make as plain, homely,
+and vigorous as is the food advocated. If the criticisms on foreign
+cookery should offend the talented _chef_, I have the satisfaction
+of knowing that, as I have forsworn his works, he will be unable to
+retaliate with poison. And if the criticisms on the modern English
+methods of preparing food should attract the attention of the home
+caterer, he may possibly be induced to give his steam-chest and his
+gas-range a rest, and put the roast beef of Old England on his table,
+occasionally; though I have only the very faintest hopes that he will
+do so. For the monster eating-houses and mammoth hotels of to-day are
+for the most part "run" by companies and syndicates; and the company
+within the dining-room suffer occasionally, in order that dividends
+may be possible after payment has been made for the elaborate, and
+wholly unnecessary, furniture, and decorations. Wholesome food is
+usually sufficient for the ordinary British appetite, without such
+surroundings as marble pillars, Etruscan vases, nude figures, gilding,
+and looking-glasses, which only serve to distract attention from the
+banquet. It is with many a sigh that I recall the good old-fashioned
+inn, where the guest really received a warm welcome. Nowadays, the
+warmest part of that welcome is usually the bill.
+
+It is related of the wittiest man of the nineteenth century, my late
+friend Mr. Henry J. Byron, that, upon one occasion, whilst walking
+home with a brother dramatist, after the first performance of his
+comedy, which had failed to please the audience, Byron shed tears.
+
+"How is this?" inquired his friend. "The failure of my play appears to
+affect you strangely."
+
+"I was only weeping," was the reply, "because I was afraid you'd set
+to work, and write another."
+
+But there need be no tears shed on any page of this food book. For I
+am not going to "write another."
+
+
+
+
+                               CONTENTS
+
+
+                              CHAPTER I
+
+                              BREAKFAST
+
+  Formal or informal?--An eccentric old gentleman--The ancient
+  Britons--Breakfast in the days of Good Queen Bess--A
+  few tea statistics--Garraway's--Something about coffee--Brandy
+  for breakfast--The evolution of the staff of life--Free
+  Trade--The cheap loaf, and no cash to buy it      Pages 1-9
+
+
+                              CHAPTER II
+
+                       BREAKFAST (_continued_)
+
+  Country-house life--An Englishwoman at her best--Guests'
+  comforts--What to eat at the first meal--A few choice
+  recipes--A noble grill-sauce--The poor outcast--Appetising
+  dishes--Hotel "worries"--The old regime and the new--"No
+  cheques"; no soles, and "whitings is hoff"--A
+  halibut steak--Skilly and oakum--Breakfast out of the
+  rates      10-21
+
+
+                             CHAPTER III
+
+                       BREAKFAST (_continued_)
+
+  Bonnie Scotland--Parritch an' cream--Fin'an haddies--A knife
+  on the ocean wave--_À la Français_--In the gorgeous East--_Chota
+  hazri_--English as she is spoke--Dâk bungalow fare--Some
+  quaint dishes--Breakfast with "my tutor"--A Don's
+  absence of mind      22-33
+
+
+                              CHAPTER IV
+
+                               LUNCHEON
+
+  Why lunch?--Sir Henry Thompson on overdoing it--The children's
+  dinner--City lunches--"Ye Olde Cheshyre Cheese"--Doctor
+  Johnson--Ye pudding--A great fall in food--A
+  snipe pudding--Skirt, not rump steak--Lancashire hot-pot--A
+  Cape "brady"      34-43
+
+
+                              CHAPTER V
+
+                        LUNCHEON (_continued_)
+
+  Shooting luncheons--Cold tea and a crust--Clear turtle--Such
+  larks!--Jugged duck and oysters--Woodcock pie--Hunting
+  luncheons--Pie crusts--The true Yorkshire pie--Race-course
+  luncheons--Suggestions to caterers--The "Jolly
+  Sandboys" stew--Various recipes--A race-course sandwich--Angels'
+  pie--"Suffolk pride"--Devilled larks--A light lunch
+  in the Himalayas      44-58
+
+
+                              CHAPTER VI
+
+                                DINNER
+
+  Origin--Early dinners--The noble Romans--"Vitellius the
+  Glutton"--Origin of haggis--The Saxons--Highland hospitality--The
+  French invasion--Waterloo avenged--The bad
+  fairy "_Ala_"--Comparisons--The English cook or the foreign
+  food torturer?--Plain or flowery--Fresh fish and the flavour
+  wrapped up--George Augustus Sala--Doctor Johnson
+  again                                                     59-72
+
+
+                             CHAPTER VII
+
+                         DINNER (_continued_)
+
+  Imitation--Dear Lady Thistlebrain--Try it on the dog--Criminality
+  of the English caterer--The stove, the stink,
+  the steamer--Roasting v. baking--False economy--Dirty
+  ovens--Frills and fingers--Time over dinner--A long-winded
+  Bishop--Corned beef      73-81
+
+
+                             CHAPTER VIII
+
+                         DINNER (_continued_)
+
+  A merry Christmas--Bin F--A _Noel_ banquet--Water-cress--How
+  Royalty fares--The Tsar--_Bouillabaisse_--_Tournedos_--_Bisque_--
+  _Vol-au-vent_--_Pré salé_--Chinese banquets--A fixed
+  bayonet--_Bernardin Salmi_--The duck-squeezer--American
+  cookery--"Borston" beans--He couldn't eat beef               82-96
+
+
+                              CHAPTER IX
+
+                         DINNER (_continued_)
+
+  French soup--A regimental dinner--A city banquet--_Baksheesh_--Aboard
+  ship--An ideal dinner--Cod's liver--Sleeping in the
+  kitchen--A _fricandeau_--Regimental messes--Peter the
+  Great--Napoleon the Great--Victoria--The Iron Duke--Mushrooms--A
+  medical opinion--A North Pole banquet--Dogs
+  as food--Plain unvarnished fare--The Kent Road
+  cookery--More beans than bacon                               97-110
+
+
+                              CHAPTER X
+
+                              VEGETABLES
+
+  Use and abuse of the potato--Its eccentricities--Its origin--Hawkins,
+  not Raleigh, introduced it into England--With or
+  without the "jacket"?--Don't let it be _à-la_-ed--Benevolence
+  and large-heartedness of the cabbage family--Pease on
+  earth--Pythagoras on the bean--"Giving him beans"--"Haricot"
+  a misnomer--"Borston" beans--Frijoles--The
+  carrot--Crécy soup--The Prince of Wales--The Black
+  Prince and the King of Bohemia                              111-122
+
+
+                              CHAPTER XI
+
+                       VEGETABLES (_continued_)
+
+  The brief lives of the best--A vegetable with a pedigree--
+  Argenteuil--The Elysian Fields--The tomato the emblem of
+  love--"Neeps"--Spinach--"Stomach-brush"--The savoury
+  tear-provoker--Invaluable for wasp-stings--Celery merely
+  cultivated "smallage"--The "_Apium_"--The parsnip--O
+  Jerusalem!--The golden sunflower--How to get pheasants--A
+  vegetarian banquet--"Swelling wisibly"                     123-133
+
+
+                             CHAPTER XII
+
+                               CURRIES
+
+  Different modes of manufacture--The "native" fraud--"That
+  man's family"--The French _kari_--A Parsee curry--"The
+  oyster in the sauce"--Ingredients--Malay curry--Locusts--When
+  to serve--What to curry--Prawn curry--Dry curry,
+  champion recipe--Rice--The Bombay duck               134-146
+
+
+                             CHAPTER XIII
+
+                                SALADS
+
+  Nebuchadnezzar _v._ Sydney Smith--Salt?--No salad-bowl--French
+  origin--Apocryphal story of Francatelli--Salads _and_
+  salads--Water-cress and dirty water--Salad-maker born
+  not made--Lobster salad--Lettuce, Wipe or wash?--Mayonnaise--Potato
+  salad--Tomato ditto--Celery ditto--A
+  memorable ditto                                        147-157
+
+
+                             CHAPTER XIV
+
+                        SALADS AND CONDIMENTS
+
+  Roman salad--Italian ditto--Various other salads--Sauce for
+  cold mutton--Chutnine--Raw chutnee--Horse-radish sauce--Christopher
+  North's sauce--How to serve a mackerel--_Sauce
+  Tartare_--Ditto for sucking pig--Delights of making
+  _Sambal_--A new language                                158-169
+
+
+                              CHAPTER XV
+
+                                SUPPER
+
+  Cleopatra's supper--Oysters--Danger in the Aden bivalve--Oyster
+  stew--Ball suppers--Pretty dishes--The _Taj Mahal_--Aspic--Bloater
+  paste and whipped cream--Ladies' recipes--Cookery
+  colleges--Tripe--Smothered in onions--North
+  Riding fashion--An hotel supper--Lord Tomnoddy at the
+  "Magpie and Stump"                                      170-180
+
+
+                             CHAPTER XVI
+
+                         SUPPER (_continued_)
+
+  Old supper-houses--The Early Closing Act--Evans's--Cremorne
+  Gardens--"The Albion"--Parlour cookery--Kidneys fried
+  in the fire-shovel--The true way to grill a bone--"Cannie
+  Carle"--My lady's bower--Kidney dumplings--A Middleham
+  supper--Steaks cut from a colt by brother to "Strafford"
+  out of sister to "Bird on the Wing"                      181-191
+
+
+                             CHAPTER XVII
+
+                            "CAMPING OUT"
+
+  The ups and downs of life--Stirring adventures--Marching on to
+  glory--Shooting in the tropics--Pepper-pot--With the
+  _Rajah Sahib_--Goat-sacrifices at breakfast time--Simla to
+  Cashmere--Manners and customs of Thibet--Burmah--No
+  place to get fat in--Insects--Voracity of the natives--Snakes--Sport
+  in the Jungle--Loaded for snipe, sure to
+  meet tiger--With the gippos--No baked hedgehog--Cheap
+  milk                                                     192-205
+
+
+                            CHAPTER XVIII
+
+                           COMPOUND DRINKS
+
+  Derivation of punch--"Five"--The "milk" brand--The best
+  materials--Various other punches--Bischoff or Bishop--"Halo"
+  punch--Toddy--The toddy tree of India--Flip--A
+  "peg"--John Collins--Out of the guard-room              206-218
+
+
+                             CHAPTER XIX
+
+                          CUPS AND CORDIALS
+
+  Five recipes for claret cup--Balaclava cup--Orgeat--Ascot cup--Stout
+  and champagne--Shandy-gaff for millionaires--Ale
+  cup--Cobblers which will stick to the last--Home Ruler--Cherry
+  brandy--Sloe gin--Home-made, if possible--A new
+  industry--Apricot brandy--Highland cordial--Bitters--Jumping-powder--
+  Orange brandy--"Mandragora"--"Sleep rock thy brain!"      219-231
+
+
+                              CHAPTER XX
+
+                          THE DAYLIGHT DRINK
+
+  Evil effects of dram-drinking--The "Gin-crawl"--Abstinence in
+  H.M. service--City manners and customs--Useless to argue
+  with the soaker--Cocktails--Pet names for drams--The
+  free lunch system--Fancy mixtures--Why no cassis?--Good
+  advice like water on a duck's back                     232-245
+
+
+                             CHAPTER XXI
+
+                   GASTRONOMY IN FICTION AND DRAMA
+
+  Thomas Carlyle--Thackeray--Harrison Ainsworth--Sir Walter
+  Scott--Miss Braddon--Marie Corelli--F. C. Philips--Blackmore--Charles
+  Dickens--_Pickwick_ reeking with alcohol--Brandy
+  and oysters--_Little Dorrit_--_Great Expectations_--Micawber
+  as a punch-maker--_David Copperfield_--"Practicable"
+  food on the stage--"Johnny" Toole's story of Tiny
+  Tim and the goose                                       246-259
+
+
+                             CHAPTER XXII
+
+                             RESTORATIVES
+
+  William of Normandy--A "head" wind at sea--Beware the
+  druggist--Pick-me-ups of all sorts and conditions--Anchovy
+  toast for the invalid--A small bottle--Straight talks to
+  fanatics--Total abstinence as bad as the other thing--Moderation
+  in all matters--Wisely and slow--_Carpe diem_--But
+  have a thought for the morrow                        260-274
+
+
+
+
+                              CHAPTER I
+
+                              BREAKFAST
+
+         "The day breaks slow, but e'en must man break-fast."
+
+     Formal or informal?--An eccentric old gentleman--The
+     ancient Britons--Breakfast in the days of Good Queen
+     Bess--A few tea statistics--"Garraway's"--Something about
+     coffee--Brandy for breakfast--The evolution of the staff of
+     life--Free Trade--The cheap loaf, and no cash to buy it.
+
+
+This is a very serious subject. The first meal of the day has
+exercised more influence over history than many people may be aware
+of. It is not easy to preserve an equal mind or keep a stiff upper lip
+upon an empty stomach; and indigestible food-stuffs have probably lost
+more battles than sore feet and bad ammunition. It is an incontestable
+fact that the great Napoleon lost the battles of Borodino and Leipsic
+through eating too fast.
+
+When good digestion waits on appetite, great men are less liable to
+commit mistakes--and a mistake in a great man is a crime--than when
+dyspepsia has marked them for her own; and this rule applies to all
+men.
+
+There should be no hurry or formality about breakfast. Your punctual
+host and hostess may be all very well from their own point of view;
+but black looks and sarcastic welcomings are an abomination to the
+guest who may have overslept himself or herself, and who fails to say,
+"Good-morning" just on the stroke of nine o'clock. Far be it from
+the author's wish to decry the system of family prayers, although
+the spectacle of the full strength of the domestic company, from the
+stern-featured housekeeper, or the chief lady's-maid (the housekeeper
+is frequently too grand, or too much cumbered with other duties to
+attend public worship), to the diminutive page-boy, standing all in a
+row, facing the cups and saucers, is occasionally more provocative of
+mirth than reverence. But too much law and order about fast-breaking
+is to be deplored.
+
+"I'm not very punctual, I'm afraid, Sir John," I once heard a very
+charming lady observe to her host, as she took her seat at the table,
+exactly ten minutes after the line of menials had filed out.
+
+"On the contrary, Lady V----" returned the master of the house, with a
+cast-iron smile, "you are punctual in your unpunctuality; for you have
+missed prayers by the sixth part of one hour, every morning since you
+came." Now what should be done to a host like that?
+
+In the long ago I was favoured with the acquaintance of an elderly
+gentleman of property, a most estimable, though eccentric, man. And he
+invariably breakfasted with his hat on. It did not matter if ladies
+were present or not. Down he would sit, opposite the ham and eggs--or
+whatever dish it might chance to be--with a white hat, with mourning
+band attached, surmounting his fine head. We used to think the
+presence of the hat was owing to partial baldness; but, as he never
+wore it at luncheon or dinner, that idea was abandoned. In fact, he
+pleaded that the hat kept his thoughts in; and as after breakfast he
+was closeted with his steward, or agent, or stud-groom, or keeper, for
+several hours, he doubtless let loose some of those thoughts to one or
+the other. At all events we never saw him again till luncheon, unless
+there was any hunting or shooting to be done.
+
+This same old gentleman once rehearsed his own funeral on the carriage
+drive outside, and stage-managed the solemn ceremony from his study
+window. An under-gardener pushed a wheelbarrow, containing a box
+of choice cuttings, to represent the body; and the butler posed as
+chief mourner. And when anybody went wrong, or the pall-bearers--six
+grooms--failed to keep in step, the master would throw up the
+window-sash, and roar--
+
+"Begin again!"
+
+But this is wandering from the subject. Let us try back.
+
+Having made wide search amongst old and musty manuscripts, I can find
+no record of a bill-of-fare of the first meal of the ancient Britons.
+Our blue forefathers, in all probability, but seldom assisted at
+any such smart function as a wedding-breakfast, or even a hunting
+one; for the simple reason that it was a case with them of, "no
+hunt, no breakfast." Unless one or other had killed the deer, or the
+wild-boar, or some other living thing to furnish the refection the
+feast was a Barmecide one, and much as we have heard of the strength
+and hardiness of our blue forefathers, many of them must have died
+of sheer starvation. For they had no weapons but clubs, and rough
+cut flints, with which to kill the beasts of the country--who were,
+however, occasionally lured into pitfalls; and as to fish, unless they
+"tickled" them, the denizens of the streams must have had an easy time
+of it. They had sheep, but these were valuable chiefly on account of
+their wool; as used to be the case in Australia, ere the tinned meat
+trade was established. Most of the fruits and vegetables which we
+enjoy to-day were introduced into Britain by the Romans. Snipe and
+woodcock and (in the north) grouse may have been bagged, as well as
+hares. But these poor savages knew not rabbits by sight, nor indeed,
+much of the feathered fowl which their more favoured descendants are
+in the habit of shooting, or otherwise destroying, for food. The
+ancient Britons knew not bacon and eggs, nor the toothsome kipper,
+nor yet the marmalade of Dundee. As for bread, it was not invented
+in any shape or form until much later; and its primitive state was a
+tough paste of flour, water, and (occasionally) milk--something like
+the "damper" of the Australian bush, or the unleavened _chupati_ which
+the poorer classes in Hindustan put up with, after baking it, at the
+present day.
+
+The hardy, independent Saxon, had a much better time of it, in the
+way of meat and drink. But with supper forming the chief meal of the
+day, his breakfast was a simple, though plentiful one, and consisted
+chiefly of venison pasty and the flesh of goats, washed down with ale,
+or mead.
+
+"A free breakfast-table of Elizabeth's time," says an old authority,
+"or even during the more recent reign of Charles II., would contrast
+oddly with our modern morning meal. There were meats, hot and cold;
+beef and brawn, and boar's head, the venison pasty, and the
+
+
+                             _Wardon Pie_
+
+of west country pears. There was hot bread, too, and sundry 'cates'
+which would now be strange to our eyes. But to wash down these
+substantial viands there was little save ale. The most delicate
+lady could procure no more suitable beverage than the blood of John
+Barleycorn. The most fretful invalid had to be content with a mug of
+small beer, stirred up with a sprig of rosemary. Wine, hippocras, and
+metheglin were potations for supper-time, not for breakfast, and beer
+reigned supreme. None but home productions figured on the board of
+our ancestors. Not for them were seas traversed, or tropical shores
+visited, as for us. Yemen and Ceylon, Assam and Cathay, Cuba and
+Peru, did not send daily tribute to their tables, and the very names
+of tea and coffee, of cocoa and chocolate, were to them unknown. The
+dethronement of ale, subsequent on the introduction of these eastern
+products, is one of the most marked events which have severed the
+social life of the present day from that of the past."
+
+With the exception of the Wardon pie and the "cates," the above
+bill-of-fare would probably satisfy the cravings of the ordinary
+"Johnny" of to-day, who has heard the chimes at midnight, and would
+sooner face a charging tiger than drink tea or coffee with his first
+meal, which, alas! but too often consists of a hot-pickle sandwich and
+a "brandy and soda," with not quite all the soda in. But just imagine
+the fine lady of to-day with a large tankard of Burton ale facing her
+at the breakfast-table.
+
+
+                                _Tea_,
+
+which is said to have been introduced into China by Djarma, a native
+of India, about A.D. 500, was not familiar in Europe until the end of
+the sixteenth century. And it was not until 1657, when Garraway opened
+a tea-house in Exchange Alley, that Londoners began tea-drinking as an
+experiment. In 1662 Pepys writes--
+
+"Home, and there find my wife making of tea"--two years before, he
+called it "tee (a China drink)"--"a drink which Mr. Pelling the
+Pothicary tells her is good for her cold and defluxions."
+
+In 1740 the price of tea ranged from 7s. to 24s. per lb. In 1725,
+370,323 lbs. were drunk in England, and in 1890, 194,008,000. In 1840
+the duty was 2s. 2¼d. per lb.; in 1858 1s. 5d. per lb.; and in 1890
+4d. per lb.
+
+The seed of
+
+
+                          _The Coffee-Tree_,
+
+which, when roasted, ground, and mixed with water, and unmixed
+with horse-beans, dandelion-root, or road-scrapings, forms a most
+agreeable beverage to those who can digest it, was not known to
+the Greeks or Romans, but has been used in Abyssinia and along the
+north-east coast of Africa almost as long as those parts have been
+populated. Here, in merry England, where coffee was not introduced
+until the eighteenth century, it was at first used but sparingly,
+until it almost entirely took the place of chocolate, which was the
+favoured beverage of the duchesses and fine madams who minced and
+flirted, and plotted, during the reign of the Merry Monarch, fifty
+years or so before. The march of knowledge has taught the thrifty
+housewife of to-day to roast her own coffee, instead of purchasing it
+in that form from the retail shopkeeper, who, as a rule, under-roasts
+the berry, in order to "keep the weight in." But do not blame him too
+freely, for he is occasionally a Poor Law Guardian, and has to "keep
+pace with the Stores."
+
+During the Georgian era, the hard-drinking epoch, breakfast far too
+often consisted chiefly of French brandy; and the first meal was, in
+consequence, not altogether a happy or wholesome one, nor conducive to
+the close study of serious subjects.
+
+The history of
+
+
+                        _The Staff of Life_[1]
+
+would require a much larger volume than this, all to itself. That the
+evolution of bread-making has been very gradual admits of no denial;
+and as late as the Tudor and Stuart periods the art was still in
+its infancy. The quality of the bread consumed was a test of social
+standing. Thus, whilst the _haut monde_, the height of society, lords
+and dukes, with countesses and dames of high degree, were in the habit
+of consuming delicate manchets, made of the finest wheaten flour, of
+snowy purity, the middle classes had to content themselves with white
+loaves of inferior quality. To the journeyman and the 'prentice (who
+had to endure, with patience, the buffets of master and mistress) was
+meted out coarse but wholesome brown bread, made from an admixture
+of wheat and barley flour; whilst the agricultural labourer staved
+off starvation with loaves made from rye, occasionally mixed with red
+wheat or barley. The introduction of
+
+
+                             _Free Trade_
+
+--by no means an unmixed blessing--has changed all this; and the
+working-classes, with their wives and families, can, when out of the
+workhouse, in the intervals between "strikes," enjoy the same quality
+of bread, that "cheap loaf" which appears on the table of the wicked
+squire and the all-devouring parson. In Yorkshire, at the present day,
+almost the worst thing that can be urged against a woman is that she
+"canna mak' a bit o' bread."
+
+"Just look," wrote an enthusiastic Free Trader, a quarter of a century
+ago, "at the immense change that has latterly taken place in the food
+of the English peasantry. Rye bread and pease-pudding exchanged for
+wheaten loaves. A startling change, but not greatly different from
+what has occurred in France, where, with the abuses of the Bourbon
+rule, an end was put to the semi-starvation of French tillers of the
+soil. Black bread is now almost as much a rarity in France as on our
+side of the Channel; while barley in Wales, oats in Scotland, and the
+potato in Ireland, are no longer the food-staples that they were."
+
+I have no wish for anything of a contentious nature to appear in this
+volume; but may deliver, with regard to the above, the opinion that
+pease-pudding is by no means despicable fare, when associated with
+a boiled leg of pork; and I may add that too many of the English
+peasantry, nowadays, have been reduced, by this same Free Trade, to a
+diet of no bread at all, in place of wheaten, or any other loaves.
+
+Wedding breakfasts, with the formal speeches, and cutting of the cake,
+have gone out of fashion, and the subject of the British breakfast of
+to-day demands a new chapter.
+
+
+
+
+                              CHAPTER II
+
+                       BREAKFAST (_continued_)
+
+            "Sit down and feed, and welcome to our table."
+
+     Country-house life--An Englishwoman at her best--Guests'
+     comforts--What to eat at the first meal--A few choice
+     recipes--A noble grill-sauce--The poor outcast--Appetising
+     dishes--Hotel "worries"--The old regime and the new--"No
+     cheques"; no soles, and "whitings is hoff"--A halibut
+     steak--Skilly and oakum--Breakfast out of the rates.
+
+
+By far the pleasantest meal of the day at a large country-house is
+breakfast. You will be staying there, most likely, an you be a man,
+for hunting or shooting--it being one of the eccentric dispensations
+of the great goddess Fashion that country-houses should be guestless,
+and often ownerless, during that season of the year when nature looks
+at her loveliest. An you be a woman, you will be staying there for
+the especial benefit of your daughter; for flirting--or for the more
+serious purpose of riveting the fetters of the fervid youth who may
+have been taken captive during the London season--for romping, and
+probably shooting and hunting, too; for lovely woman up-to-date
+takes but little account of such frivolities as Berlin wool-work,
+piano-practice, or drives, well wrapped-up, in a close carriage, to
+pay calls with her hostess. As for going out with the "guns," or
+meeting the sterner sex at luncheon in the keeper's cottage, or the
+specially-erected pavilion, the darlings are not content, nowadays,
+unless they can use dapper little breech-loaders, specially made for
+them, and some of them are far from bad shots.
+
+Yes, 'tis a pleasant function, breakfast at the Castle, the Park,
+or the Grange. But, as observed in the last chapter, there must be
+no undue punctuality, no black looks at late arrivals, no sarcastic
+allusions to late hours, nor inane chaff from the other guests about
+the wine cup or the whisky cup, which may have been drained in the
+smoking-room, during the small hours.
+
+Her ladyship looks divine, or at all events regal, as she presides
+at what our American cousins would call the "business end" of the
+long table, whilst our host, a healthy, jolly-looking, "hard-bitten"
+man of fifty, faces her. His bright keen eye denotes the sportsman,
+and he can shoot as straight as ever, whilst no fence is too high,
+too wide, nor too deep for him. Sprinkled about, at either side of
+the table, amongst the red and black coats, or shooting jackets of
+varied hues--with a vacancy here and there, for "Algie" and "Bill,"
+and the "Angel," who have not yet put in appearance--are smart,
+fresh-looking women, young, and "well-preserved," and matronly, some
+in tailor-made frocks, and some in the silks and velvets suited for
+those of riper age, and some in exquisitely-fitting habits. It is
+at the breakfast-table that the Englishwoman can defy all foreign
+competition; and you are inclined to frown, or even say things under
+your breath, when that mincing, wicked-looking little _Marquise_, all
+frills, and ribbons, and lace, and smiles, and Ess Bouquet, in the
+latest creation of the first man-milliner of Paris, trips into the
+room in slippers two sizes too small for her, and salutes the company
+at large in broken English. For the contrast is somewhat trying, and
+you wonder why on earth some women _will_ smother themselves with
+scents and _cosmetiques_, and raddle their cheeks and wear diamonds
+so early in the morning; and you lose all sense of the undoubted
+fascination of the Marquise in speculating as to what manner of
+"strong woman" her _femme de chambre_ must be who can compress a
+22-inch waist into an 18-inch corset.
+
+There should, of course, be separate tea and coffee equipments for
+most of the guests--at all events for the sluggards. The massive
+silver urn certainly lends a tone to the breakfast-table, and looks
+"comfortable-like." But it would be criminally cruel to satisfy the
+thirst of the multitude out of the same tea-pot or coffee-pot; and
+the sluggard will not love his hostess if she pours forth "husband's
+tea," merely because he _is_ a sluggard. And remember that the hand
+which has held two by honours, or a "straight flush" the night before,
+is occasionally too shaky to pass tea-cups. No. Do not spare your
+servants, my lord, or my lady. Your guests must be "well done," or
+they will miss your "rocketing" pheasants, or fail to go fast enough
+at that brook with the rotten banks.
+
+"The English," said an eminent alien, "have only one sauce." This is
+a scandalous libel; but as it was said a long time ago it doesn't
+matter. It would be much truer to say that the English have only one
+breakfast-dish, and its name is
+
+
+                          _Eggs and Bacon_.
+
+Pardon, I should have written two; and the second is ham and eggs. A
+new-laid egg--poached, _not_ fried, an ye love me, O Betsy, best of
+cooks--and a rasher of home-cured hog are both excellent things in
+their way; but, like a partridge, a mother-in-law, and a baby, it is
+quite possible to have too much of them. The English hostess--I do not
+refer to the typical "her ladyship," of whom I have written above,
+but to the average hostess--certainly launches out occasionally in
+the direction of assorted fish, kidneys, sausages, and chops, but the
+staple food upon which we are asked to break our fast is, undoubtedly,
+eggs and bacon.
+
+The great question of what to eat at the first meal depends greatly
+upon whether you sit down to it directly you emerge from your
+bedroom, or whether you have indulged in any sort of exercise in the
+interim. After two or three hours "amateur touting" on such a place
+as Newmarket Heath, the sportsman is ready for any sort of food, from
+a dish of liver and bacon to a good, thick fat chop, or an underdone
+steak. I have even attacked cold stewed eels (!) upon an occasion
+when the pangs of hunger would have justified my eating the tom-cat,
+and the landlady as well. But chops and steaks are not to be commended
+to furnish forth the ordinary breakfast-table. I am coming to the
+hotel breakfast presently, so will say nothing about fried fish just
+yet. But here follows a list of a few of what may be called
+
+
+                     _Allowable Breakfast Dishes_
+
+Mushrooms (done plainly in front of the fire), sausages (toasted),
+scrambled eggs on toast, curried eggs, fish balls, kidneys, savoury
+omelette. Porridge may be useful for growing boys and briefless
+barristers, but this chapter is not written solely in their interests.
+Above all, do not, oh! do not, forget the grill, or broil. This should
+be the feature of the breakfast. Such simple recipes as those for the
+manufacture of fish balls or omelettes or curried eggs--though I shall
+have plenty to say about curries later on--need not be given here; but
+the following, for a grill-sauce, will be found invaluable, especially
+for the "sluggard."
+
+
+                           _Gubbins Sauce_
+
+     The legs and wings of fowl, turkey, pheasant, partridge,
+     or moor-hen should only be used. Have these scored across with
+     a sharp knife, and divided at the joints. And when your grill
+     is taken, "hot as hot," but _not burnt_, from the fire, have
+     poured over it the following sauce. Be very particular that
+     your cook pours it over the grill just before it is served up.
+     And it is of the most vital importance that the sauce should
+     be made, and well mixed, on a plate _over hot water_--for
+     instance, a slop-basin should be filled with boiling water and
+     a plate placed atop.
+
+     Melt on the plate a lump of butter the size of a large
+     walnut. Stir into it, when melted, two teaspoonfuls of made
+     mustard, then a dessert-spoonful of vinegar, half that quantity
+     of tarragon vinegar, and a tablespoonful of cream--Devonshire
+     or English. Season with salt, black pepper, and cayenne,
+     according to the (presumed) tastes and requirements of the
+     breakfasters.
+
+Let your sideboard--it is assumed that you have a sideboard--sigh and
+lament its hard lot, under its load of cold joints, game, and pies,--I
+am still harping on the country-house; and if you have a York ham in
+cut, it should be flanked by a Westphalian ditto. For the blend is
+a good one. And remember that no York ham under 20 lb. in weight is
+worth cutting. You need not put it all on the board at once. A capital
+adjunct to the breakfast-table, too, is a reindeer's tongue, which,
+as you see it hung up in the shops, looks more like a policeman's
+truncheon in active employment than anything else; but when well
+soaked and then properly treated in the boiling, is very tasty, and
+will melt like marrow in the mouth.
+
+A simple, excellent August breakfast can be made from a dish of
+freshly-caught trout, the legs and back of a cold grouse, which has
+been roasted, _not_ baked, and
+
+
+                           _A Large Peach_.
+
+But what of the wretched bachelor, as he enters his one sitting-room,
+in his humble lodging? He may have heard the chimes at midnight, in
+some gay and festive quarter, or, like some other wretched bachelors,
+he may have been engaged in the composition of romances for some
+exacting editor, until the smallish hours. Poor outcast! what sort
+of appetite will he have for the rusty rasher, or the shop egg, the
+smoked haddock, or the "Billingsgate pheasant," which his landlady
+will presently send up, together with her little account, for his
+refection? Well, here is a much more tasty dish than any of the above;
+and if he be "square" with Mrs. Bangham, that lady will possibly not
+object to her "gal" cooking the different ingredients before she
+starts at the wash-tub. But let not the wretched bachelor suffer the
+"gal" to mix them.
+
+I first met this dish in Calcutta during the two months of (alleged)
+cold weather which prevail during the year.
+
+
+                          _Calcutta Jumble._
+
+     A few fried fillets of white fish (sole, or plaice--sole
+     for choice), placed on the top of some boiled rice, in a soup
+     plate. Pour over them the yolks of two _boiled_ eggs, and mix
+     in one green chili, chopped fine. Salt to taste.
+
+"Another way:"
+
+     Mix with the rice the following ingredients:--
+
+         The yolks of two _raw_ eggs, one tablespoonful anchovy
+         sauce, one _small_ teaspoonful curry powder (raw), a sprinkling
+         of cayenne, a little salt, and one green chili chopped fine.
+         Each ingredient to be added separately, and the eggs and curry
+         powder to be stirred into the rice with a fork. Fillets of sole
+         to be served atop.
+
+How many cooks in this England of ours can cook rice properly? Without
+pausing for a reply, I append the recipe, which should be pasted on
+the wall of every kitchen. The many cookery books which I have read
+give elaborate directions for the performance, of what is a very
+simple duty. Here it is, in a few lines--
+
+
+                    _To cook Rice for Curry, etc._
+
+     Soak a sufficiency of rice in cold water for two hours.
+     Strain through a sieve, and pop the rice into _boiling_ water.
+     Let it boil--"gallop" is, I believe, the word used in most
+     kitchens--for not quite ten minutes (or until the rice is
+     tender), then strain off the water through a sieve, and dash a
+     little _cold_ water over the rice, to separate the grains.
+
+Here is another most appetising breakfast dish for the springtime--
+
+
+                        _Asparagus with Eggs_.
+
+     Cut up two dozen (or so) heads of cooked asparagus into
+     small pieces, and mix in a stewpan with the well-beaten yolks
+     of two raw eggs. Flavour with pepper and salt, and stir freely.
+     Add a piece of butter the size of a walnut (one of these should
+     be kept in every kitchen as a pattern), and keep on stirring
+     for a couple of minutes or so. Serve on delicately-toasted
+     bread.
+
+
+                        _An Hotel Breakfast._
+
+What memories do these words conjure up of a snug coffee-room, hung
+with hunting prints, and portraits of Derby winners, and churches,
+and well-hung game; with its oak panellings, easy arm-chairs,
+blazing fire, snowy naperies, and bright silver. The cheery host,
+with well-lined paunch, and fat, wheezy voice, which wishes you
+good-morning, and hopes you have passed a comfortable night between
+the lavender-scented sheets. The fatherly interest which "William,"
+the grey-headed waiter, takes in you--stranger or _habitué_--and
+the more than fatherly interest which you take in the good cheer,
+from home-made "sassingers" to new-laid eggs, and heather honey, not
+forgetting a slice out of the mammoth York ham, beneath whose weight
+the old sideboard absolutely grunts.
+
+Heigho! we, or they, have changed all that. The poet who found his
+"warmest welcome in an inn" was, naturally enough, writing of his own
+time. I don't like fault-finding, but must needs declare that the
+"warmest" part of an inn welcome to be found nowadays is the bill.
+As long as you pay it (or have plenty of luggage to leave behind
+in default), and make yourself agreeable to the fair and haughty
+bookkeeper (if it's a "she") who allots you your bedroom, and bullies
+the page-boy, nobody in the modern inn cares particularly what becomes
+of you. You lose your individuality, and become "Number 325." Instead
+of welcome, distrust lurks, large, on the very threshold.
+
+
+                       "_No Cheques Accepted_"
+
+is frequently the first announcement to catch the eye of the incoming
+guest; and although you cannot help admiring the marble pillars, the
+oak carving, the gilding, the mirrors, and the electric light, an
+uncomfortable feeling comes over you at meal times, to the effect that
+the cost of the decorations, or much of it, is taken out of the food.
+
+"Waiter," you ask, as soon as your eyes and ears get accustomed to the
+incessant bustle of the coffee-room, and your nostrils to the savour
+of last night's soup, "what can I have for breakfast?"
+
+"What would you like, sir?"
+
+"I should like a grilled sole, to begin with."
+
+"Very sorry, sir, soles is hoff--get you a nice chop or steak."
+
+"Can't manage either so early in the day. Got any whitings?"
+
+"Afraid we're out of whitings, sir, but I'll see."
+
+Eventually, after suggesting sundry delicacies, all of which are
+either "hoff," or unknown to the waiter, you settle down to the
+consumption of two fried and shrivelled shop eggs, on an island of
+Chicago ham, floating in an Ægean Sea of grease and hot water; whilst
+a half quartern loaf, a cruet-stand the size of a cathedral, a rackful
+of toast of the "Zebra" brand, and about two gallons of (alleged)
+coffee, are dumped down in succession in front of you.
+
+There are, of course, some hostelries where they "do" you better
+than this, but my experience of hotel breakfasts at this end of the
+nineteenth century has not been encouraging, either to appetite or
+temper; and I do vow and protest that the above picture is not too
+highly coloured.
+
+The toothsome, necessary bloater is not often to be met with on the
+hotel's bill-of-fare; but, if soft roed--use no other--it will repay
+perusal. Toast it in a Dutch oven in front of a clear fire, and just
+before done split it up the back, and put a piece of butter on it.
+The roe should be well plumped, and of the consistency of Devonshire
+cream. A grilled sole for breakfast is preferable to a fried one,
+principally because it is by no means impossible that the fried
+sole be second-hand, or as the French call it _réchauffé_. And why,
+unless directions to the contrary be given, is the modest whiting
+invariably placed, tail in mouth, on the frying pan? A grilled
+whiting--assassinate your cook if she (or he) scorches it--is one of
+the noblest works of the kitchen, and its exterior should be of a
+golden brown colour.
+
+Do not forget to order sausages for breakfast if you are staying at
+Newmarket; there is less bread in them than in the Metropolitan brand.
+And when in Lincoln attempt a
+
+
+                           _Halibut Steak_,
+
+of which you may not have previously heard. The halibut should,
+previous to grilling or frying _in salad oil_, be placed on a shallow
+dish and sprinkled with salt. Then the dish should be half filled with
+water, which must not cover the salt. Leave the fish to soak for an
+hour, then cut into slices, nearly an inch thick, without removing the
+skin. Sprinkle some lemon juice and cayenne over the steaks before
+serving.
+
+If you wish to preserve an even mind, and be at peace with the world,
+a visit to
+
+
+                          _The Hotel Parish_
+
+is not to be recommended. The Irish stew at dinner is not bad in
+its way, though coarse, and too liberally endowed with fat. But the
+breakfasts! Boiled oatmeal and water, with salt in the mess, and a
+chunk of stale brown bread to eat therewith, do not constitute an
+altogether satisfactory meal, the first thing in the morning; and it
+is hardly calculated to inspire him with much pride in his work, when
+the guest is placed subsequently before his "task" of unbroken flints
+or tarred rope.
+
+
+
+
+                             CHAPTER III
+
+                       BREAKFAST (_continued_)
+
+        "There's nought in the Highlands but syboes and leeks,
+         And lang-leggit callants gaun wanting the breeks."
+
+     Bonnie Scotland--Parritch an' cream--Fin'an haddies--A
+     knife on the ocean wave--_À la Français_--In the gorgeous
+     East--_Chota hazri_--English as she is spoke--Dâk bungalow
+     fare--Some quaint dishes--Breakfast with "my tutor"--A Don's
+     absence of mind.
+
+
+For a "warm welcome" commend me to Bonnie Scotland. Though hard of
+head and "sae fu' o' learning" that they are "owre deeficult to
+conveence, ye ken," these rugged Caledonians be tender of heart, and
+philanthropic to a degree. Hech, sirs! but 'tis the braw time ye'll
+hae, gin ye trapese the Highlands, an' the Lowlands as well for the
+matter o' that--in search o' guid refreshment for body an' soul.
+
+Even that surly lexicographer, Doctor Samuel Johnson (who, by the
+way, claimed the same city for his birthplace as does the writer),
+who could not be induced to recognise the merits of Scotch scenery,
+and preferred Fleet Street to the Trossachs, extolled the luxury of
+a Scotch breakfast above that of all other countries. And Sir Walter
+Scott, who never enthused much about meat and drink, is responsible in
+_Waverley_ for a passage calculated to make the mouths of most people
+water:
+
+"He found Miss Bradwardine presiding over the tea and coffee, the
+table loaded with warm bread, both of flour, oatmeal, and barley meal,
+in the shape of loaves, cakes, biscuits, and other varieties, together
+with eggs, reindeer ham, mutton and beef ditto, smoked salmon, and
+many other delicacies. A mess of oatmeal porridge, flanked by a silver
+jug which held an equal mixture of cream and buttermilk, was placed
+for the Baron's share of the repast."
+
+"And," as Mr. Samuel Weller would have observed, "a wery good idea of
+a breakfast, too."
+
+A beef-ham sounds like a "large order" for breakfast, even when we
+come to consider that the Scotch "beastie," in Sir Walter Scott's
+time, was wanting in "beam" and stature. I have seen and partaken of a
+ham cut from a Yorkshire pig, and weighing 52 lbs.; but even a Scotch
+beef-ham must have topped that weight considerably. Fortunately the
+sideboards of those times were substantial of build.
+
+Missing from the above bill-of-fare is the haddock,
+
+
+                         _The Fin'an Haddie_,
+
+a bird which at that period had probably not been invented. But the
+modern Scottish breakfast-table is not properly furnished without it.
+The genuine "Fin'an" is known by its appetising savour and by its
+colour--a creamy yellow, which is totally distinct from the Vandyke
+browny hue of the haddock which is creosoted in the neighbourhood of
+the Blackfriars Road, London, S.E. "Strip off the skin," says the
+recipe in one cookery book, "and broil before the fire or over a
+quick clear one." Another way--_my_ way--is _not_ to strip off the
+skin and to _steam_ your haddies. Place them in a dish which has been
+previously heated. Throw boiling water on them, and cover closely
+with a plate; place on a hot stove, and in from 10 to 15 minutes the
+Fin'ans will be accomplished. Drain, and serve hot as hot, buttered,
+with a sprinkling of cayenne, and, maybe, a dash of Worcester sauce.
+
+Salmon is naturally a welcome guest at the table of the land of his
+birth, served fresh when in season, and smoked or kippered at all
+times.
+
+
+                           _A Salmon Steak_
+
+with the "curd" between the flakes, placed within a coat of
+virgin-white paper (oiled) and grilled for 15 minutes or so, is an
+excellent breakfast dish. A fry of small troutlets, a ditto of the
+deer's interior economy--_Mem._ When up at the death of a hunted stag,
+always beg or annex a portion of his liver--are also common dishes at
+the first meal served by the "gudewife"; and I once met a cold haggis
+at 9.30 A.M. But this, I rather fancy, was "a wee bit joke" at my
+expense. Anyhow I shall have plenty to say about the "great chieftain
+o' the puddin' race" in a later chapter.
+
+
+                         _Off to Gold-land!_
+
+Those that go down to the sea in ships, and can summon up sufficient
+presence of mind to go down to the saloon at meal times, have far from
+a bad time of it. Living was certainly better on the ocean wave in the
+days when livestock was kept on board, and slaughtered as required;
+for the effect of keeping beef, pork, and mutton in a refrigerating
+chamber for any length of time is to destroy the flavour, and to
+render beef indistinguishable from the flesh of the hog, and mutton
+as tasteless as infantine pap. But the ship's galley does its little
+utmost; and the saloon passenger, on his way to the other side of the
+equator, may regale himself with such a breakfast as the following,
+which is taken from the steward's book of a vessel belonging to the
+Union Line:--
+
+     Porridge, fillets of haddock with fine herbs, mutton chops
+     and chip potatoes, savoury omelet, bacon on toast, minced
+     collops, curry and rice, fruit, rolls, toast, etc., tea and
+     coffee.
+
+Cannot my readers imagine a steward entering the state-room of the
+voyager who has succumbed to the wiles and eccentricities of the Bay
+of Biscay, with the observation: "Won't you get up to breakfast,
+sir?--I've reserved a _beautiful_ fat chop, with chips, o' purpose for
+you, sir."
+
+And the lot of the third-class passenger who is conveyed from his
+native land to the Cape of Good Hope, for what Mr. Montague Tigg would
+have called "the ridiculous sum of" £16: 16s., is no such hard one,
+seeing that he is allotted a "bunk" in a compact, though comfortable
+cabin, and may break his fast on the following substantial meal:--
+
+     Porridge, Yarmouth bloaters, potatoes, American hash,
+     grilled mutton, bread and butter, tea or coffee.
+
+An American breakfast is as variegated (and I fear I must add, as
+indigestible) as a Scotch one; and included in the bill of fare are as
+many, or more, varieties of bread and cake as are to be found in the
+land o' shortbread. The writer has, in New York, started the morning
+meal with oysters, run the gamut of fish, flesh, and fowl, and wound
+up with buckwheat cakes, which are brought on in relays, buttered
+and smoking hot, and can be eaten with or without golden syrup.
+But, as business begins early in New York and other large cities,
+scant attention is paid to the first meal by the merchant and the
+speculator, who are wont to "gallop" through breakfast and luncheon,
+and to put in their "best work" at dinner.
+
+
+                     _A Mediterranean Breakfast_
+
+is not lacking in poetry; and the jaded denizen of Malta can enjoy
+red mullet (the "woodcock of the sea") freshly taken from the
+tideless ocean, and strawberries in perfection, at his first meal,
+whilst seated, maybe, next to some dreamy-eyed _houri_, who coos soft
+nothings into his ear, at intervals. The wines of Italy go best with
+this sort of repast, which is generally eaten with "spoons."
+
+In fair France, breakfast, or the _déjeûner à la fourchette_, is not
+served until noon, or thereabouts. Coffee or chocolate, with fancy
+bread and butter, is on hand as soon as you wake; and I have heard
+that for the roisterer and the _p'tit crevé_ there be such liquors
+as _cognac_, _curaçoa_, and _chartreuse verte_ provided at the first
+meal, so that nerves can be strung together and headaches alleviated
+before the "associated" breakfast at midday. In the country, at the
+_château_ of _Monsieur et Madame_, the groom-of-the-chambers, or
+_maître d'hôtel_, as he is designated, knocks at your bedroom door at
+about 8.30.
+
+"Who's there?"
+
+"Good-morning, _M'sieu_. Will _M'sieu_ partake of the _chocolat_, or
+of the _café-au-lait_, or of the tea?"
+
+Upon ordinary occasions, _M'sieu_ will partake of the _chocolat_--if
+he be of French extraction; whilst the English visitor will partake of
+the _café-au-lait_--tea-making in France being still in its infancy.
+And if _M'sieu_ has gazed too long on the wine of the country,
+overnight, he will occasionally--reprobate that he is--partake instead
+of the _vieux cognac_, diluted from the syphon. And _M'sieu_ never
+sees his host or hostess till the "assembly" sounds for the midday
+meal.
+
+I have alluded, just above, to French tea-making. There was a time
+when tea, with our lively neighbours, was as scarce a commodity as
+snakes in Iceland or rum punch in Holloway Castle. Then the thin end
+of the wedge was introduced, and the English visitor was invited to
+partake of a cup of what was called (by courtesy) _thé_, which had
+been concocted expressly for her or him. And tea _à la Française_
+used to be made somewhat after this fashion. The cup was half-filled
+with milk, sugar _à discrétion_ being added. A little silver sieve
+was next placed over the cup, and from a jug sufficient hot water, in
+which had been previously left to soak some half-dozen leaf-fragments
+of green tea, to fill the cup, was poured forth. In fact the visitor
+was invited to drink a very nasty compound indeed, something like
+the "wish" tea with which the school-mistress used to regale her
+victims--milk and water, and "wish-you-may-get" tea! But they have
+changed all that across the Channel, and five o'clock tea is one of
+the most fashionable functions of the day, with the _beau monde_; a
+favourite invitation of the society _belle_ of the _fin de siècle_
+being: "_Voulex-vous fivoclocquer avec moi?_"
+
+The _déjeûner_ usually begins with a _consommé_, a thin, clear,
+soup, not quite adapted to stave off the pangs of hunger by itself,
+but grateful enough by way of a commencement. Then follows an array
+of dishes containing fish and fowl of sorts, with the inevitable
+_côtelettes à la_ somebody-or-other, not forgetting an _omelette_--a
+mess which the French cook alone knows how to concoct to perfection.
+The meal is usually washed down with some sort of claret; and a
+subsequent _café_, with the accustomed _chasse_; whilst the welcome
+_cigarette_ is not "defended," even in the mansions of the great.
+
+There is more than one way of making coffee, that of the lodging-house
+"general," and of the street-stall dispenser, during the small hours,
+being amongst the least commendable. Without posing as an infallible
+manufacturer of the refreshing (though indigestible, to many people)
+beverage, I would urge that it be made from freshly-roasted seed,
+ground just before wanted. Then heat the ground coffee in the oven,
+and place upon the perforated bottom of the upper compartment of
+a _cafetière_, put the strainer on it, and pour in boiling water,
+gradually. "The Duke" in _Geneviève de Brabant_ used to warble as part
+of a song in praise of tea--
+
+            And 'tis also most important
+              That you should not spare the tea.
+
+So is it of equal importance that you should not spare the coffee.
+There are more elaborate ways of making coffee; but none that the
+writer has tried are in front of the old _cafetière_, if the simple
+directions given above be carried out in their entirety.
+
+As in France, sojourners (for their sins) in the burning plains of Ind
+have their first breakfast, or _chota hazri_, at an early hour, whilst
+the breakfast proper--usually described in Lower Bengal, Madras, and
+Bombay as "tiffin"--comes later on. For
+
+
+                            _Chota Hazri_
+
+(literally "little breakfast")--which is served either at the
+Mess-house, the public Bath, or in one's own bungalow, beneath the
+verandah--poached eggs on toast are _de rigueur_, whilst I have met
+such additions as _unda ishcamble_ (scrambled eggs), potato cake, and
+(naughty, naughty!) anchovy toast. Tea or coffee are always drunk
+with this meal. "Always," have I written? Alas! In my mind's eye I can
+see the poor Indian vainly trying to stop the too-free flow of the
+_Belati pani_ (literally "Europe water") by thrusting a dusky thumb
+into the neck of the just-opened bottle, and in my mind's ear can I
+catch the blasphemous observation of the subaltern as he remarks to
+his slave that he does not require, in his morning's "livener," the
+additional flavour of Mahommedan flesh, and the "hubble-bubble" pipe,
+the tobacco in which may have been stirred by the same thumb that
+morning.
+
+"Coffee shop" is a favourite function, during the march of a regiment
+in India, at least it used to be in the olden time, before troops were
+conveyed by railway. _Dhoolies_ (roughly made palanquins) laden with
+meat and drink were sent on half way, overnight; and grateful indeed
+was the cup of tea, or coffee, or the "peg" which was poured forth for
+the weary warrior who had been "tramping it" or in the saddle since 2
+A.M. or some such unearthly hour, in order that the column might reach
+the new camping-ground before the sun was high in the heavens. It was
+at "coffee-shop" that "chaff" reigned supreme, and speculations as to
+what the shooting would be like at the next place were indulged in.
+And when that shooting was likely to take the form of long men, armed
+with long guns, and long knives, the viands, which consisted for the
+most part of toast, biscuits, poached eggs, and _unda bakum_ (eggs and
+bacon), were devoured with appetites all the keener for the prospect
+in view. It is in troublous times, be it further observed, that the
+Hindustan _khit_ is seen at his best. On the field of battle itself I
+have known coffee and boiled eggs--or even a grilled fowl--produced by
+the fearless and devoted _nokhur_, from, apparently, nowhere at all.
+
+At the Indian breakfast proper, all sorts of viands are consumed;
+from the curried prawns and Europe provisions (which arrive in an
+hermetically sealed condition per s.s. _Nomattawot_), to the rooster
+who heralds your arrival at the _dak_ bungalow, with much crowing, and
+who within half an hour of your advent has been successively chased
+into a corner, beheaded, plucked, and served up for your refection in
+a scorched state. I have breakfasted off such assorted food as curried
+locusts, boiled leg of mutton, fried snipe, Europe sausages, _Iron
+ishtoo_ (Irish stew), _vilolif_ (veal olives, and more correctly a
+dinner dish), kidney toast--chopped sheep's kidneys, highly seasoned
+with pepper, lime-juice, and Worcester sauce, very appetising--parrot
+pie, eggs and bacon, omelette (which might also have been used to
+patch ammunition boots with), sardines, fried fish (mind the bones
+of the Asiatic fish), _bifishtake_ (beef steak), goat chops, curries
+of all sorts, hashed venison, and roast peafowl, ditto quail, ditto
+pretty nearly everything that flies, cold buffalo hump, grilled
+sheep's tail (a bit bilious), hermetically-sealed herring, turtle
+fins, Guava jelly, preserved mango, home-made cake, and many other
+things which have escaped memory. I am coming to the "curry" part of
+the entertainment later on in the volume, but may remark that it is
+preferable when eaten in the middle of the day. My own experience
+was that few people touched curry when served in its normal place at
+dinner--as a course of itself--just before the sweets.
+
+"Breakfast with my tutor!" What happy memories of boyhood do not the
+words conjure up, of the usually stern, unbending preceptor pouring
+out the coffee, and helping the sausages and mashed potatoes--we
+always had what is now known as "saus and mash" at my tutor's--and the
+fatherly air with which he would remind the juvenile glutton, who had
+seated himself just opposite the apricot jam, and was improving the
+occasion, that eleven o'clock school would be in full swing in half an
+hour, and that the brain (and, by process of reasoning, the stomach)
+could not be in too good working-order for the fervid young student
+of Herodotus. The ordinary breakfast of the "lower boy" at Eton used
+to be of a very uncertain pattern. Indeed, what with "fagging," the
+preparation of his lord-and-master's breakfast, the preparation of
+"pupil-room" work, and agile and acute scouts ever on the alert to
+pilfer his roll and pat of butter, that boy was lucky if he got
+any breakfast at all. If he possessed capital, or credit, he might
+certainly stave off starvation at "Brown's," with buttered buns and
+pickled salmon; or at "Webber's," or "the Wall," with three-cornered
+jam tarts, or a "strawberry mess"; but Smith _minor_, and Jones
+_minimus_ as often as not, went breakfastless to second school.
+
+At the University, breakfast with "the Head" or any other "Don" was a
+rather solemn function. The table well and plentifully laid, and the
+host hospitality itself, but occasionally, nay, frequently, occupied
+with other thoughts. A departed friend used to tell a story of a
+breakfast of this description. He was shaken warmly by the hand by his
+host, who afterwards lapsed into silence. My friend, to "force the
+running," ventured on the observation--
+
+"It's a remarkably fine morning, sir, is it not?"
+
+No reply came. In fact, the great man's thoughts were so preoccupied
+with Greek roots, and other defunct horrors, that he spoke not a word
+during breakfast. But when, an hour or so afterwards, the time came
+for his guest to take leave, the "Head" shook him by the hand warmly
+once more, and remarked abstractedly--
+
+"D'you know, Mr. Johnson, I don't think that was a particularly
+original remark of yours?"
+
+
+
+
+                              CHAPTER IV
+
+                               LUNCHEON
+
+                                  "'Tis a custom
+          More honoured in the breach than the observance."
+
+     Why lunch?--Sir Henry Thompson on overdoing it--The
+     children's dinner--City lunches--Ye Olde Cheshyre
+     Cheese--Doctor Johnson--Ye pudding--A great fall in food--A
+     snipe pudding--Skirt, not rump steak--Lancashire hot pot--A
+     Cape "brady."
+
+
+"'More honoured in the breach,' do you say, Mr. Author?" I fancy I
+hear some reader inquire. "Are these your sentiments? Do you really
+mean them?" Well, perhaps, they ought to be qualified. Unless a
+man breakfast very early, and dine very late, he cannot do himself
+much good by eating a square meal at 1.30 or 2.0 P.M. There can
+be no question but that whilst thousands of the lieges--despite
+soup-kitchens, workhouses, and gaols--perish of absolute starvation,
+as many of their more fortunate brethren perish, in the course of
+time, from gluttony, from falling down (sometimes literally) and
+worshipping the Belly-god.
+
+Years ago Sir Henry Thompson observed to a friend of the writer's:
+
+"Most men who seek my advice are suffering under one of two great
+evils--eating too much good food, or drinking too much bad liquor; and
+occasionally they suffer under both evils."
+
+"This luncheon," writes Oliver Wendell Holmes, "is a very convenient
+affair; it does not require any special dress; it is informal; and can
+be light or heavy as one chooses."
+
+The American--the male American at all events--takes far more count of
+luncheon than of breakfast.
+
+But in many cases luncheon and early dinner are synonymous terms.
+Take the family luncheon, for instance, of the middle classes, where
+mother, governess, and little ones all assemble in front of the
+roast and boiled, at the principal meal of the day, and the more or
+less snowy tablecloth is duly anointed with gravy by "poor baby," in
+her high chair, and the youngest but one is slapped at intervals by
+his instructress, for using his knife for the peas--at the risk of
+enlarging his mouth--or for swallowing the stones of the cherries
+which have been dealt him, or her, from the tart. This is not the
+sort of meal for the male friend of the family to "drop in" at, if
+he value the lapels of his new frock-coat, and be given to blushing.
+For children have not only an evil habit of "pawing" the visitor with
+jammy fingers, but occasionally narrate somewhat "risky" anecdotes.
+And a child's ideas of the Christian religion, nay, of the Creator
+himself, are occasionally more quaint than reverent.
+
+"Ma, dear," once lisped a sweet little thing of six, "what doth God
+have for hith dinner?"
+
+"S-sh-sh, my child!" replied the horrified mother, "you must not ask
+such dreadful questions. God doesn't want any dinner, remember that."
+
+"Oh-h-h!" continued the unabashed and dissatisfied _enfant terrible_.
+And, after a pause, "then I thuppose he hath an egg with hith tea."
+
+In a country-house, of course, but few of the male guests turn
+up at the domestic luncheon, being otherwise engaged in killing
+something, or in trying to kill something, or in that sport which
+is but partially understood out of Great Britain--the pursuit of an
+evil-savoured animal who is practically worthless to civilisation
+after his capture and death.
+
+It is in "the City" that vile man, perhaps, puts in his best work
+as an eater of luncheons. Some city men there be, of course--poor,
+wretched, half-starved clerks, whose state nobody ever seems to
+attempt to ameliorate--whose midday refections are not such as would
+have earned a meed of commendation from the late Vitellius, or from
+the late Colonel North. For said refections but seldom consist of
+more important items than a thick slice of bread and a stale bloater;
+or possibly a home-made sandwich of bread and Dutch cheese--the
+whole washed down with a tumbler of milk, or more often a tumbler
+of the fluid supplied by the New River Company. During the winter
+months a pennyworth of roasted chestnuts supplies a filling, though
+indigestible meal to many a man whose employer is swilling turtle
+at Birch's or at the big house in Leadenhall Street, and who is
+compelled, by the exigencies of custom, to wear a decent black coat
+and some sort of tall hat when on his way to and from "business."
+
+But the more fortunate citizens--how do they "do themselves"
+at luncheon? For some there is the cheap soup-house, or the
+chop-and-steak house reviled of Dickens, and but little changed since
+the time of the great novelist. Then, for the "gilt-edged" division
+there is
+
+
+                              _Birch's_,
+
+the little green house which, although now "run" by those eminent
+caterers, Messrs. Ring and Brymer, is still known by the name of the
+old Alderman who deserved so well of his fellow citizens, and who,
+whilst a _cordon bleu_ of some celebrity, had also a pretty taste
+as a playwright. The old house has not changed one jot, either in
+appearance, customs, or fare. At the little counter on the ground
+floor may be obtained the same cheesecakes, tartlets, baked custards,
+and calf's-foot jellies which delighted our grandfathers, and the same
+brand of Scottish whisky. Upstairs, in the soup-rooms, some of the
+tables are covered with damask tablecloths, whilst at others a small
+square of napery but partially obscures the view of the well-polished
+mahogany.
+
+
+                            _Turtle Soup_
+
+is still served on silver plates, whilst the cheaper juices of the
+bullock, the calf, and the pea, "with the usual trimmings," repose
+temporarily on china or earthenware. _Pâtés_, whether of oyster,
+lobster, chicken, or veal-and-ham, are still in favour with _habitué_
+and chance customer alike, and no wonder, for these are something
+like _pâtés_. The "filling" is kept hot like the soups, in huge
+stewpans, on the range, and when required is ladled out into a plate,
+and furnished with top and bottom crust--and such crust, flaky
+and light to a degree; and how different to the confectioner's or
+railway-refreshment _pâté_, which, when an orifice be made in the
+covering with a pickaxe, reveals nothing more appetising than what
+appear to be four small cubes of frost-bitten india-rubber, with a
+portion or two of candle end.
+
+A more advanced meal is served in Leadenhall Street, at
+
+
+                       "_The Ship and Turtle_,"
+
+said to be the oldest tavern in London, and which has been more
+than once swept and garnished, and reformed altogether, since its
+establishment during the reign of King Richard II. But they could have
+known but little about the superior advantages offered by the turtle
+as a life-sustainer, in those days; whereas at the present day some
+hundreds of the succulent reptiles die the death on the premises,
+within a month, in order that city companies, and stockbrokers, and
+merchants of sorts, and mining millionaires, and bicycle makers, and
+other estimable people, may dine and lunch.
+
+Then there are the numerous clubs, not forgetting one almost at the
+very door of "The House," where the 2000 odd (some of them _very_ odd)
+members are regaled on the fat of the land in general, and of the
+turtle in particular, day by day; and that mammoth underground palace
+the "Palmerston," where any kind of banquet can be served up at a few
+minutes' notice, and where "special Greek dishes" are provided for the
+gamblers in wheat and other cereals, at the adjacent "Baltic." There
+be also other eating-houses, far too numerous to mention, but most of
+them worth a visit.
+
+A "filling" sort of luncheon is a portion of a
+
+
+                      _Cheshire Cheese Pudding_.
+
+A little way up a gloomy court on the north side of Fleet Street--a
+neighbourhood which reeks of printers' ink, bookmakers' "runners,"
+tipsters, habitual borrowers of small pieces of silver, and that
+"warm" smell of burning paste and molten lead which indicates the
+"foundry" in a printing works--is situated this ancient hostelry. It
+is claimed for the "Cheese" that it was the tavern most frequented
+by Dr. Samuel Johnson. Mr. C. Redding, in his _Fifty Years'
+Recollections, Literary and Personal_, published in 1858, says: "I
+often dined at the
+
+
+                         "_Cheshire Cheese_."
+
+Johnson and his friends, I was informed, used to do the same, and I
+was told I should see individuals who had met them there. This I
+found to be correct. The company was more select than in later times,
+but there are Fleet Street tradesmen who well remembered both Johnson
+and Goldsmith in this place of entertainment."
+
+Few Americans who visit our metropolis go away without making a
+pilgrimage to this ancient hostelry, where, upstairs, "Doctor
+Johnson's Chair" is on view; and many visitors carry away mementoes of
+the house, in the shape of pewter measures, the oaken platters upon
+which these are placed, and even samples of the long "churchwarden"
+pipes, smoked by _habitués_ after their evening chops or steaks.
+
+
+                            _Ye Pudding_,
+
+which is served on Wednesdays and Saturdays, at 1.30 and 6.0, is
+a formidable-looking object, and its savour reaches even into the
+uttermost parts of Great Grub Street. As large, more or less, as
+the dome of St. Paul's, that pudding is stuffed with steak, kidney,
+oysters, mushrooms, and larks. The irreverent call these last named
+sparrows, but we know better. This pudding takes (_on dit_) 17½ hours
+in the boiling, and the "bottom crust" would have delighted the
+hearts of Johnson, Boswell, and Co., in whose days the savoury dish
+was not. The writer once witnessed a catastrophe at the "Cheshire
+Cheese," compared to which the burning of Moscow or the bombardment
+of Alexandria were mere trifles. 1.30 on Saturday afternoon had
+arrived, and the oaken benches in the refectory were filled to
+repletion with expectant pudding-eaters. Burgesses of the City of
+London were there--good, "warm," round-bellied men, with plough-boys'
+appetites--and journalists, and advertising agents, and "resting"
+actors, and magistrates' clerks, and barristers from the Temple,
+and well-to-do tradesmen. Sherry and gin and bitters and other
+adventitious aids (?) to appetite had been done justice to, and the
+arrival of the "procession"--it takes three men and a boy to carry
+the _pièce de résistance_ from the kitchen to the dining-room--was
+anxiously awaited. And then, of a sudden we heard a loud crash!
+followed by a feminine shriek, and an unwhispered Saxon oath. "Tom"
+the waiter had slipped, released his hold, and the pudding had fallen
+downstairs! It was a sight ever to be remembered--steak, larks,
+oysters, "delicious gravy," running in a torrent into Wine Office
+Court. The expectant diners (many of them lunchers) stood up and gazed
+upon the wreck of their hopes, and then filed, silently and sadly,
+outside. Such a catastrophe had not been known in Brainland since the
+Great Fire.
+
+Puddings of all sorts are, in fact, favourite autumn and winter
+luncheon dishes in London, and the man who can "come twice" at such
+a "dream" as the following, between the hours of one and three, can
+hardly be in devouring trim for his evening meal till very late. It is
+a
+
+
+                           _Snipe Pudding_.
+
+     A _thin_ slice of beef-skirt,[2] seasoned with pepper and
+     salt, at the bottom of the basin; then three snipes beheaded
+     and befooted, and with gizzards extracted. Leave the liver and
+     heart in, an you value your life. Cover up with paste, and
+     boil (or steam) for two-and-a-half hours. For stockbrokers
+     and bookmakers, mushrooms and truffles are sometimes placed
+     within this pudding; but it is better without--according to the
+     writer's notion.
+
+Most of the fowls of the air may be treated in the same way. And when
+eating cold grouse for luncheon try (if you can get it) a fruit salad
+therewith. You will find preserved peaches, apricots, and cherries in
+syrup, harmonise well with cold _brown_ game.
+
+
+                         _Lancashire Hot-Pot_
+
+is a savoury dish indeed; but I know of but one eating-house in London
+where you can get anything like it. Here is the recipe--
+
+     Place a layer of mutton cutlets, with most of the fat and
+     tails trimmed off, at the bottom of a deep earthenware stewpan.
+     Then a layer of chopped sheep's kidneys, an onion cut into
+     thin slices, half-a-dozen oysters, and some sliced potatoes.
+     Sprinkle over these a little salt and pepper and a teaspoonful
+     of curry powder. Then start again with cutlets, and keep on
+     adding layers of the different ingredients until the dish be
+     full. Whole potatoes atop of all, and pour in the oyster liquor
+     and some good gravy. More gravy just before the dish is ready
+     to serve. Not too fierce an oven, just fierce enough to brown
+     the top potatoes.
+
+In making this succulent concoction you can add to, or substitute for,
+the mutton cutlets pretty nearly any sort of flesh or fowl. I have
+met rabbit, goose, larks, turkey, and (frequently) beef therein; but,
+believe me, the simple, harmless, necessary, toothsome cutlet makes
+the best lining.
+
+In the Cape Colony, and even as high up as Rhodesia, I have met with
+a dish called a _Brady_, which is worthy of mention here. It is made
+in the same way as the familiar Irish stew; but instead of potatoes
+tomatoes are used.
+
+
+
+
+                              CHAPTER V
+
+                        LUNCHEON (_continued_)
+
+                    "He couldn't hit a haystack!"
+
+     Shooting luncheons--Cold tea and a crust--Clear
+     turtle--Such larks!--Jugged duck and oysters--Woodcock
+     pie--Hunting luncheons--Pie crusts--The true Yorkshire
+     pie--Race-course luncheons--Suggestions to caterers--The
+     "Jolly Sand boys" stew--Various recipes--A race-course
+     sandwich--Angels' pie--"Suffolk pride"--Devilled larks--A light
+     lunch in the Himalayas.
+
+
+There is no meal which has become more "expanded" than a shooting
+luncheon. A crust of bread with cheese, or a few biscuits, and a flask
+of sherry sufficed for our forebears, who, despite inferior weapons
+and ammunition, managed to "bring 'em down" quite as effectually as do
+the shootists of this period. Most certainly and decidedly, a heavy
+luncheon is a mistake if you want to "shoot clean" afterwards. And
+bear this in mind, all ye "Johnnies" who rail at your host's champagne
+and turtle, after luncheon, in a comfortable pavilion in the midst of
+a pheasant _battue_, and whose very beaters would turn up their noses
+at a pork pie and a glass of old ale, that there is nothing so good to
+shoot upon as cold tea, unless it be cold coffee. I have tried both,
+and for a shooting luncheon _par excellence_ commend me to a crust
+and a pint of cold tea, eaten whilst sitting beneath the shelter of
+an unpleached hedge, against the formal spread which commences with
+a _consommé_, and finishes with guinea peaches, and liqueurs of rare
+curaçoa. Of course, it is assumed that the shooter wishes to make a
+bag.
+
+But as, fortunately for trade, everybody does not share my views, it
+will be as well to append a few dishes suitable to a scratch meal of
+this sort.
+
+First of all let it be said that a
+
+
+                        _Roast Loin of Pork_,
+
+washed down with sweet champagne, is not altogether to be commended.
+I have nothing to urge against roast pork, on ordinary occasions, or
+champagne either; but a woodcock takes a lot of hitting.
+
+Such a pudding as was sketched in the preceding chapter is allowable,
+as is also the Lancashire Hot-Pot.
+
+
+                          _Shepherd's Pie_,
+
+_i.e._ minced meat beneath a mattress of mashed potatoes, with lots of
+gravy in the dish, baked, is an economical dish, but a tasty one; and
+I have never known much left for the beaters. RABBIT PIE, or Pudding,
+will stop a gap most effectually, and
+
+
+                           _Plover Pudding_
+
+--the very name brings water to the lips--is entitled to the highest
+commendation.
+
+This is the favourite dish at the shooting luncheons of a well-known
+Royal Duke, and when upon one occasion the discovery was made that
+through some misunderstanding said pudding had been devoured to the
+very bones, by _the loaders_, the--well, "the band played," as they
+say out West. And a stirring tune did that band play too.
+
+
+                            _Such Larks!_
+
+     Stuff a dozen larks with a force-meat made from their own
+     livers chopped, a little shallot, parsley, yolk of egg, salt,
+     bread crumbs, and one green chili chopped and divided amongst
+     the twelve. Brown in a stewpan, and then stew gently in a good
+     gravy to which has been added a glass of burgundy.
+
+This is a _plât_ fit for an emperor, and there will be no subsequent
+danger of his hitting a beater or a dog. Another dainty of home
+invention is
+
+
+                     _Jugged Duck with Oysters_.
+
+     Cut the fleshy parts of your waddler into neat joints,
+     and having browned them place in a jar with nine oysters and
+     some good gravy partly made from the giblets. Close the mouth
+     of the jar, and stand it in boiling water for rather more than
+     an hour. Add the strained liquor of the oysters and a little
+     more gravy, and turn the concoction into a deep silver dish
+     with a spirit lamp beneath. Wild duck can be jugged in the same
+     way, but _without_ the addition of the bivalves; and a mixture
+     of port wine and Worcester sauce should be poured in, with a
+     squeeze of lemon juice and cayenne, just before serving.
+
+Another dish which will be found "grateful and comforting" is an _old_
+grouse--the older the tastier. Stuff him with a Spanish onion, add a
+little gravy and seasoning, and stew him till the flesh leaves the
+bones. All these stews, or "jugs" should be served on dishes kept hot
+by lighted spirit beneath them. This is most important.
+
+
+                           _A Woodcock Pie_
+
+will be found extremely palatable at any shooting luncheon, although
+more frequently to be met with on the sideboards of the great and
+wealthy. In fact, at Christmas time, 'tis a pie which is specially
+concocted in the royal kitchen at Windsor Castle, to adorn Her Most
+Gracious Majesty's board at Osborne, together with the time-honoured
+baron of specially fed beef. This last named joint hardly meets my
+views as part of a breakfast _menu_; but here is the recipe for the
+woodcock pie.
+
+     Bone four woodcocks--I _don't_ mean take them off the
+     hooks when the gentleman is not in his shop, but tell your
+     cook to take the bones out of one you've shot yourself--put
+     bones and trimmings into a saucepan with one shallot, one small
+     onion, and a sprig of thyme, cover them with some good stock,
+     and let this gravy simmer awhile. Take the gizzards away from
+     the heart and liver, pound, and mix these with some good veal
+     force-meat. Place the woodcocks, skin downwards, on a board;
+     spread over each two layers of force-meat, with a layer of
+     sliced truffles in between the two. Make your crust, either in
+     a mould, or with the hands, put a layer of force-meat at the
+     bottom, then two woodcocks, then a layer of truffles, then the
+     other two woodcocks, another layer of truffles, and a top layer
+     of force-meat, and some thin slices of fat bacon. Cover the
+     pie, leaving a hole for the gravy, and bake in a moderate oven.
+     After taking out pour in the gravy, then close the orifice and
+     let the pie get cold before serving.
+
+     _N.B._--It will stimulate the _digging_ industry if one or
+     two _whole_ truffles have been hidden away in the recesses of
+     the pie.
+
+Another good pie I have met with--in the north country--was lined with
+portions of grouse and black game (no bones), with here and there half
+a hard-boiled egg. Nothing else except the necessary seasoning.
+
+With regard to
+
+
+                         _Hunting Luncheons_
+
+it cannot be said that your Nimrod is nearly as well catered for as is
+the "Gun." For, as a rule, the first-named, if he be really keen on
+the sport of kings has to content himself, during the interval of a
+"check," with the contents of a sandwich-case, and a flask, which may
+contain either brown sherry or brandy and water--or possibly something
+still more seductive. I have heard of flasks which held milk punch,
+but the experience is by no means a familiar one. If your Nimrod be
+given to "macadamising," instead of riding the line, or if he sicken
+of the business altogether before hounds throw off, he can usually
+"cadge" a lunch at some house in the neighbourhood, even though it may
+only "run to" bread and cheese--or, possibly, a wedge of a home-made
+pork-pie--with a glass, or mug, of nut brown ale. Not that all ale
+is "nut brown," but 'tis an epithet which likes me well. Would it
+were possible to give practical hints here as to the true way to
+manufacture a pork-pie! To make the attempt would, I fear, only serve
+to invite disaster; for the art of pork-pie making, like that of the
+poet, or the play-actor, should be born within us. In large households
+in the midland counties (wherein doth flourish the pig tart) there
+is, as a rule, but one qualified pie-maker--who is incapable of any
+other culinary feat whatever. I have even been told that it requires
+"special hands" to make the crust of the proper consistency; and
+having tasted crusts _and_ crusts, I can implicitly believe this
+statement. Here is a recipe for a veritable savoury
+
+
+                           _Yorkshire Pie_.
+
+     Bone a goose and a large fowl. Fill the latter with the
+     following stuffing:--minced ham, veal, suet, onion, sweet
+     herbs, lemon peel, mixed spices, goose-liver, cayenne, and
+     salt, worked into a paste with the yolks of two eggs. Sew up
+     the fowl, truss it, and stew it with the goose for twenty
+     minutes in some good beef and giblet stock, with a small
+     glass of sherry, in a close stewpan. Then put the fowl inside
+     the goose, and place the goose within a pie-mould which has
+     been lined with good hot-water paste. Let the goose rest on a
+     cushion of stuffing, and in the middle of the liquor in which
+     he has been stewed. Surround him in the pie with slices of
+     parboiled tongue and chunks of semi-cooked pheasant, partridge,
+     and hare, filling in the vacancies with more stuffing, put a
+     layer of butter atop, roof in the pie with paste, bake for
+     three hours, and eat either hot or cold--the latter for choice.
+
+For a skating luncheon
+
+
+                             _Irish Stew_
+
+is the recognised _entrée_, served in soup-plates, and washed down
+with hot spiced ale.
+
+In the way of
+
+
+                       _Race-course Luncheons_
+
+our caterers have made giant strides in the last dozen years. A member
+of a large firm once told me that it was "out of the question" to
+supply joints, chops, and steaks in the dining-rooms of a grand stand,
+distant far from his base of operations, London. "Impossible, my dear
+sir! we couldn't do it without incurring a ruinous loss." But the
+whirligig of time has proved this feat to be not only possible, but
+one which has led to the best results for all concerned. In the matter
+of chops and steaks I hope to see further reforms introduced. These
+succulent dainties, it cannot be too widely known, are not at their
+best unless _cut fresh_ from loin or rump, just before being placed
+on the gridiron. The longer a cut chop (raw) is kept the more of its
+virtue is lost. It might, possibly, cause a little extra delay, and a
+little extra expense, to send off loins and rumps from the butcher's
+shop, instead of ready-cut portions, but the experiment would answer,
+in the long run. The same rule, of course, should apply to restaurants
+and grill-rooms all over the world.
+
+During the autumn and winter months, race-course caterers seem to
+have but one idea of warm comforting food for their customers, and
+the name of that idea is Irish stew. This is no doubt an appetising
+dish, but might be varied occasionally for the benefit of the habitual
+follower of the sport of kings. Why not pea-soup, jugged hare (hares
+are cheap enough), hot-pot, Scotch broth, mullagatawny, hotch-potch,
+stewed or curried rabbit, with rice, shepherd's pie, haricot ox-tails,
+sheep's head broth (Scotch fashion), and hare soup! What is the matter
+with the world-renowned stew of which we read in _The Old Curiosity
+Shop_--the supper provided by the landlord of the "Jolly Sandboys" for
+the itinerant showmen? Here it is again:
+
+     "'It's a stew of tripe,' said the landlord, smacking his
+     lips, 'and cowheel,' smacking them again, 'and bacon,' smacking
+     them once more, 'and steak,' smacking them for the fourth time,
+     'and peas, cauliflowers, new potatoes, and sparrowgrass, all
+     working up together in one delicious gravy.' Having come to
+     the climax, he smacked his lips a great many times, and taking
+     a long hearty sniff of the fragrance that was hovering about,
+     put on the cover again with the air of one whose toils on earth
+     were over.
+
+     "'At what time will it be ready?' asked Mr. Codlin
+     faintly. 'It'll be done to a turn,' said the landlord, looking
+     up at the clock, 'at twenty-two minutes before eleven.'
+
+     "'Then,' said Mr. Codlin, 'fetch me a pint of warm ale,
+     and don't let nobody bring into the room even so much as a
+     biscuit till the time arrives.'"
+
+And I do vow and protest that the above passage has caused much more
+smacking of lips than the most expensive, savoury _menu_ ever thought
+out. True, sparrowgrass and new potatoes, and any peas but dried or
+tinned ones are not as a rule at their best in the same season as
+tripe; but why not dried peas, and old potatoes, and rice, and curry
+powder, and onions--Charles Dickens forgot the onions--with, maybe,
+a modicum of old ale added, for "body"--in this stew, on a cold
+day at Sandown or Kempton? _Toujours_ Irish stew, like _toujours_
+mother-in-law, is apt to pall upon the palate; especially if not fresh
+made. And frost occasionally interferes with the best-laid plans of a
+race-course caterer.
+
+"I don't mind a postponed meeting," once observed one of the
+"readiest" of bookmakers; "but what I cannot stand is postponed Irish
+stew."
+
+Than a good bowl of
+
+
+                           _Scotch Broth_,
+
+what could be more grateful, or less expensive?
+
+     Shin of beef, pearl barley, cabbages, leeks, turnips,
+     carrots, dried peas (of course soaked overnight), and
+     water--"all working up together in one delicious gravy."
+
+Also
+
+
+                            _Hotch Potch_.
+
+With the addition of cutlets from the best end of a neck of mutton,
+the same recipe as the above will serve for this dish, which it must
+be remembered should be more of a "stodge" than a broth.
+
+There are more ways than one of making a "hot-pot." The recipe given
+above would hardly suit the views of any caterer who wishes to make
+a living for himself; but it can be done on the cheap. The old lady
+whose dying husband was ordered by the doctor oysters and champagne,
+procured whelks and ginger beer for the patient, instead, on the score
+of economy. Then why not make your hot-pot with mussels instead of
+oysters? Or why add any sort of mollusc? In the certain knowledge that
+these be invaluable hints to race-course caterers, I offer them with
+all consideration and respect.
+
+The writer well remembers the time when the refreshments on Newmarket
+Heath at race-time were dispensed from a booth, which stood almost
+adjoining the "Birdcage." Said refreshments were rough, but
+satisfying, and consisted of thick sandwiches, cheese, and bread,
+with "thumb-pieces" (or "thumbers") of beef, mutton, and pork, which
+the luncher was privileged to cut with his own clasp-knife. Said
+"thumbers" seem to have gone out of favour with the aristocracy of the
+Turf; but the true racing or coursing sandwich still forms part of the
+_impedimenta_ of many a cash-bookmaker, of his clerk, and of many a
+"little" backer. 'Tis a solid, satisfying sandwich, and is just the
+sort of nourishment for a hard worker on a bitter November day. Let
+your steak be grilling, whilst you are enjoying your breakfast--some
+prefer the ox-portion fried, for these simple speculators have strange
+tastes--then take the steak off the fire and place it, all hot,
+between two _thick_ slices of bread. The sandwich will require several
+paper wrappings, if you value the purity of your pocket-linings.
+And when eaten cold, the juices of the meat will be found to have
+irrigated the bread, with more or less "delicious gravy." And, as Sam
+Weller ought to have said, "it's the gravy as does it."
+
+"But what about the swells?" I fancy I hear somebody asking, "Is my
+Lord Tomnoddy, or the Duke of Earlswood to be compelled to satisfy his
+hunger, on a race-course, with tripe and fat bacon? Are you really
+advising those dapper-looking, tailor-made ladies on yonder drag to
+insert their delicate teeth in a sandwich which would have puzzled
+Gargantua to masticate?" Not at all, my good sir, or madam. The
+well-appointed coach should be well-appointed within and without. Of
+course the luncheon it contains will differ materially according to
+the season of the year. This is the sort of meal I will provide, an
+you will deign to visit the Arabian tent behind my coach, at Ascot:
+
+Lobster mayonnaise, salmon cutlets with Tartar sauce (_iced_), curried
+prawns (_iced_), lobster cutlets, _chaud-froid_ of quails, _foie
+gras_ in aspic, prawns in ditto, plovers' eggs in ditto, galantine of
+chicken, York ham, sweets various, including iced gooseberry fool;
+and, as the _pièce de résistance_, an
+
+
+                            _Angel's Pie_.
+
+Many people would call this a pigeon pie, for in good sooth there be
+pigeons in it; but 'tis a pie worthy of a brighter sphere than this.
+
+     Six plump young pigeons, trimmed of all superfluous
+     matter, including pinions and below the thighs. Season with
+     pepper and salt, and stuff these pigeons with _foie gras_, and
+     quartered truffles, and fill up the pie with plovers' eggs and
+     some good force-meat. Make a good gravy from the superfluous
+     parts of the birds, and some calf's head stock to which has
+     been added about half a wine-glassful of old Madeira, with
+     some lemon-juice and cayenne. See that your paste be light and
+     flaky, and bake in a moderate oven for three hours. Pour in
+     more gravy just before taking out, and let the pie get cold.
+
+This is a concoction which will make you back all the winners; whilst
+no heiress who nibbles at it would refuse you her hand and heart
+afterwards.
+
+This is another sort of
+
+
+                             _Pigeon Pie_
+
+which is best served hot, and is more suited to the dining-room than
+the race-course.
+
+     Line a pie dish with veal force-meat, very highly
+     seasoned, about an inch thick. Place on it some thin slices of
+     fat bacon, three Bordeaux pigeons (trimmed) in halves, a veal
+     sweetbread in slices, an ox palate, boiled and cut up into
+     dice, a dozen asparagus tops, a few button mushrooms (the large
+     ones would give the interior of the pie a bad colour) and the
+     yolks of four eggs. Cover with force-meat, and bake for three
+     hours. Some good veal gravy should be served with this, which I
+     have named
+
+
+                           _Suffolk Pride_.
+
+It is a remarkable fact in natural history that English pigeons are at
+their best just at the time when the young rooks leave the shelter of
+their nests. Therefore have I written, in the above recipe, "Bordeaux"
+pigeons.
+
+Here is a quaint old eighteenth-century recipe, which comes from
+Northumberland, and is given _verbatim_, for a
+
+
+                             _Goose Pie_.
+
+     Bone a goose, a turkey, a hare, and a brace of grouse;
+     skin it, and cut off all the outside pieces--I mean of the
+     _tongue_, after boiling it--lay the goose, for the outside a
+     few pieces of hare; then lay in the turkey, the grouse, and
+     the remainder of the tongue and hare. Season highly between
+     each layer with pepper and salt, mace and cayenne, and put it
+     together, and draw it close with a needle and thread. Take 20
+     lbs. of flour, put 5 lbs. of butter into a pan with some water,
+     let it boil, pour it among the flour, stir it with a knife,
+     then work it with your hands till quite stiff. Let it stand
+     before the fire for half an hour, then raise your pie and set
+     it to cool; then finish it, put in the meat, close the pie,
+     and set it in a cold place. Ornament according to your taste,
+     bandage it with calico dipped in fat. Let it stand all night
+     before baking. It will take a long time to bake. The oven must
+     be pretty hot for the first four hours, and then allowed to
+     slacken. To know when it is enough, raise one of the ornaments,
+     and with a fork try if the meat is tender. If it is hard the
+     pie must be put in again for two hours more. After it comes out
+     of the oven fill up with strong stock, well seasoned, or with
+     clarified butter. All standing pies made in this way.
+
+Verily, in the eighteenth century they must have had considerably
+more surplus cash and time, and rather more angelic cooks than their
+descendants!
+
+During cold weather the interior of the coach should be well filled
+with earthenware vessels containing such provender as hot-pot, hare
+soup, mullagatawny, lobster _à l'Américaine_, curried rabbit, devilled
+larks--with the _matériel_ for heating these. Such cold viands as game
+pie, pressed beef, boar's head, _foie gras_ (truffled), plain truffles
+(to be steamed and served with buttered toast) anchovies, etc. The
+larks should be smothered with a paste made from a mixture of mustard,
+Chili vinegar, and a little anchovy paste, and kept closely covered
+up. After heating, add cayenne to taste.
+
+Gourmets interested in _menus_ may like to know what were the first
+_déjeuners_ partaken of by the Tsar on his arrival in Paris in October
+1869.
+
+On the first day he had huîtres, consommé, oeufs à la Parisienne,
+filet de boeuf, pommes de terre, Nesselrode sauce, chocolat.
+
+Next day he ate huîtres, consommé, oeufs Dauphine, rougets, noisettes
+d'agneau maréchal, pommes de terre, cailles à la Bohémienne, poires
+Bar-le-Duc.
+
+The writer can recall some colossal luncheons partaken of at dear,
+naughty Simla, in the long ago, when a hill station in India was, if
+anything, livelier than at the present day, and furnished plenty of
+food for both mind and body. Our host was the genial proprietor of a
+weekly journal, to which most of his guests contributed, after their
+lights; "sport and the drama" falling to the present writer's share.
+Most of the food at those luncheons had been specially imported from
+Europe; and although the whitebait tasted more of the hermetical
+sealing than of the Thames mud, most of the other items were succulent
+enough. There were turtle soup, and turtle fins; highly seasoned
+_pâtés_ of sorts; and the native _khansamah_ had added several dishes
+of his own providing and invention. A young florican (bustard) is by
+no means a bad bird, well roasted and basted; and though the eternal
+_vilolif_ (veal olives) were usually sent away untasted, his snipe
+puddings were excellent. What was called _picheese_ (twenty-five years
+old) brandy, from the _atelier_ of Messrs. Justerini and Brooks, was
+served after the coffee; and those luncheon parties seldom broke up
+until it was time to dress for dinner. In fact, our memories were
+not often keen as to anything which occurred after the coffee, and
+many "strange things happened" in consequence; although as they have
+no particular connection with high-class cookery, they need not be
+alluded to in this chapter.
+
+But, as observed before, I am of opinion that luncheon, except under
+certain circumstances, is a mistake.
+
+
+
+
+                              CHAPTER VI
+
+                                DINNER
+
+                    "Some hae meat and canna eat,
+                     And some wad eat that want it;
+                     But we can eat and we hae meat,
+                     And sae the Lord be thankit."
+
+     Origin--Early dinners--The noble Romans--"Vitellius
+     the Glutton"--Origin of haggis--The Saxons--Highland
+     hospitality--The French invasion--Waterloo avenged--The bad
+     fairy "_Ala_"--Comparisons--The English cook or the foreign
+     food torturer?--Plain or flowery--Fresh fish and the flavour
+     wrapped up--George Augustus Sala--Doctor Johnson again.
+
+
+It is somewhat humiliating to reflect that we Britons owe the art
+of dining to our first conquerors the Romans--a smooth-faced race
+of voluptuaries whose idea of a _bonne bouche_ took the form of a
+dormouse stewed in honey and sprinkled with poppy-seed. But it was
+not until the Normans had fairly established themselves and their
+cookery, that the sturdy Saxon submitted himself to be educated by the
+foreign food-spoiler; and at a later period the frequent invasions of
+France by Britain--when money was "tight" in the little island--were
+undoubtedly responsible for the commencement of the system of
+"decorating" food which so largely obtains to-day.
+
+The name "dinner" is said--although it seems incredible that words
+should have become so corrupted--to be a corruption of _dix heures_,
+the time at which (A.M.), in the old Norman days, the meal was usually
+partaken of; and the time at which (P.M.), in later years, when none
+of the guests ever knew the hour, in that loose-and-careless period,
+the meal was occasionally partaken of at Limmer's and at Lane's, in
+London town. Froissart, in one of his works, mentions having waited
+upon the Duke of Lancaster at 5 P.M., "after his Grace had supped";
+and it is certain that during the reigns of Francis I. and Louis XII.
+of France, the world of fashion was accustomed to dine long before
+the sun had arrived at the meridian, and to sup at what we now call
+"afternoon tea time." Louis XIV. did not dine till twelve; and his
+contemporaries, Oliver Cromwell and the Merry Monarch, sat down to the
+principal meal at one. In 1700, two was the fashionable time; and in
+1751 we read that the Duchess of Somerset's hour for dinner was three.
+The hour for putting the soup on the table kept on advancing, until,
+after Waterloo, it became almost a penal offence to dine before six;
+and so to the end of the century, when we sit down to a sumptuous
+repast at a time when farm-labourers and artisans are either snug
+between the blankets, or engaged in their final wrangle at the "Blue
+Pig."
+
+The Romans in the time of Cicero had a light breakfast at 3.30 A.M.,
+lunched at noon, and attacked the _coena_ at periods varying between 3
+and 7 P.M.--according to the season of the year. They commenced the
+first course with eggs, and each noble Roman was supposed to clear his
+palate with an apple at the conclusion of the third course. "A banquet
+with Vitellius," we read, "was no light and simple repast. Leagues of
+sea and miles of forest had been swept to furnish the mere groundwork
+of the entertainment. Hardy fishermen had spent their nights on the
+heaving wave, that the giant turbot might flap its snowy flakes on
+the Emperor's table, broader than its broad dish of gold. Many a
+swelling hill, clad in the dark oak coppice, had echoed to ringing
+shout of hunter and deep-mouthed bay of hound, ere the wild boar
+yielded his grim life, by the morass, and the dark grisly carcase was
+drawn off to provide a standing dish that was only meant to gratify
+the eye. Even the peacock roasted in its feathers was too gross a
+dainty"--especially the feather part, we should think--"for epicures
+who studied the art of gastronomy under Caesar; and that taste would
+have been considered rustic in the extreme which could partake of more
+than the mere fumes and savour of so substantial a dish. A thousand
+nightingales had been trapped and killed, indeed, for this one supper,
+but brains and tongues were all they contributed to the banquet;
+while even the wing of a roasted hare would have been considered far
+too coarse and common food for the imperial table." Talk about a
+bean-feast!
+
+According to Suetonius (whose name suggests "duff") the villain
+Nero was accustomed to dine in a superb apartment, surrounded with
+mechanical scenery, which could be "shifted" with every course. The
+suppers of "Vitellius the Glutton" cost, on the average, more than
+£4000 a-piece--which reads like a "Kaffir Circus" dinner at the
+Savoy--and the celebrated feast to which he invited his brother was
+down in the bill for £40,350. Now a-nights we don't spend as much on
+a dinner, even when we invite other people's wives. "It consisted"--I
+always think of Little Dombey and the dinner at Doctor Blimber's, on
+reading these facts--"of two thousand different dishes of fish, and
+seven thousand of fowls, with other equally numerous meats."
+
+"Sharp-biting salads," salted herrings, and pickled anchovies, were
+served, as _hors d'oeuvres_ during the first course of a Roman banquet,
+to stimulate the hunger which the rest of the meal would satisfy; but
+although Vitellius was, according to history, "a whale on" oysters,
+they do not appear to have been eaten as a whet to appetite. And it
+was the duty of one, or more, of the Emperor's "freedmen" to taste
+every dish before his imperial master, in case poison might lurk
+therein. A garland of flowers around the brows was the regular wear
+for a guest at a "swagger" dinner party in ancient Rome, and, the
+eating part over, said garland was usually tilted back on the head,
+the while he who had dined disposed himself in an easy attitude on
+his ivory couch, and proffered his cup to be filled by the solicitous
+slave. Then commenced the "big drink." But it must be remembered that
+although the subsequent display of fireworks was provided from lively
+Early Christians, in tar overcoats, these Romans drank the pure,
+unadulterated juice of the grape, freely mixed with water; so that
+headaches i' th' morn were not _de rigueur_, nor did the subsequent
+massacres and other diversions in the Amphitheatre cause any feelings
+of "jumpiness."
+
+The Roman bill-of-fare, however, does not commend itself to all
+British epicures, one of whom wrote, in a convivial song--
+
+                  "Old Lucullus, they say,
+                  Forty cooks had each day,
+            And Vitellius's meals cost a million;
+                  But I like what is good,
+                  When or where be my food,
+            In a chop-house or royal pavilion.
+
+                  At all feasts (if enough)
+                  I most heartily stuff,
+            And a song at my heart alike rushes,
+                  Though I've not fed my lungs
+                  Upon nightingales' tongues,
+            Nor the brains of goldfinches and thrushes."
+
+My pen loves to linger long over the gastronomies of those shaven
+voluptuaries, the ancient Italians; and my Caledonian readers will
+forgive the old tales when it is further set forth that the Romans
+introduced, amongst other things,
+
+
+                               _Haggis_
+
+into Bonnie Scotland. Yes, the poet's "great chieftain o' the puddin'
+race" is but an Italian dish after all. The Apician pork haggis[3]
+was a boiled pig's stomach filled with fry and brains, raw eggs,
+and pine-apples beaten to a pulp, and seasoned with _liquamen_. For
+although some of the Romans' tastes savoured of refinement, many of
+them were "absolutely beastly." The idea of pig's fry and pine-apples
+mixed is horrible enough; but take a look into the constitution of
+this _liquamen_, and wonder no longer that Gibbons wrote his _Decline
+and Fall_ with so much feeling and _gusto_. This sauce was obtained
+from the intestines, gills, and blood of fishes, great and small,
+stirred together with salt, and exposed in an open vat in the sun,
+until the compound became putrid. When putrefaction had done its work,
+wine and spices were added to the hell-broth, which was subsequently
+strained and sent into the Roman market. This _liquamen_ was
+manufactured in Greece, and not one of all the poets of sunny Italy
+seems to have satirised the "made-in-Greece" custom, which in those
+days must have been almost as obnoxious as the "made-in-Germany" or
+the "made-in-Whitechapel" scare of to-day.
+
+The usual farinaceous ingredient of the Roman haggis was frumenty, but
+frequently no grain whatever was applied; and instead of mincing the
+ingredients, as do the Scots, the ancients pounded them in a mortar,
+well moistened with _liquamen_, until reduced to pulp. We are further
+told in history that a Roman gladiator was capable, after playing with
+eggs, fish, nightingales' tongues, dormice, and haggis, of finishing
+a wild boar at a sitting. But as the old lady remarked of the great
+tragedy, this happened a long time ago, so let's hope it isn't true.
+
+The Saxon dining-table was oblong, and rounded at the ends. The
+cloth was crimson, with broad gilt edgings hanging low beneath the
+table, and, it is to be feared, often soiled by the dirty boots of
+the guests, who sat on chairs with covered backs, the counterfeit
+presentments of which are still to be seen in the Tottenham Court
+Road. The food consisted of fish, fowls, beef, mutton, venison, and
+pork--wild and domestic--either boiled, baked, or broiled, and handed
+to the company by the attendants on small _sples_. A favourite "fish
+joint" of the old Saxon was a cut out of the middle of a porpoise; and
+bread of the finest wheaten flour reposed in two silver baskets at
+each end of the table, above the salt, the retainers having to content
+themselves with coarser "household" out of a wooden cradle. Almost
+the only vegetable in use amongst the Saxons was colewort, although
+the Romans had brought over many others, years before; but hatred of
+anything foreign was more rampant in early Saxon days than at present.
+Forks were not introduced into England until during the reign of
+King "Jamie": so that our ancestors had perforce to "thumb" their
+victuals. The fair Queen Elizabeth (like much more modern monarchs)
+was accustomed to raise to her mouth with her virgin fingers a turkey
+leg and gnaw it. But even in the earliest days of the thirteenth
+century, each person was provided with a small silver basin and two
+flowered napkins of the finest linen, for finger-washing and wiping
+purposes. Grapes, figs, nuts, apples, pears, and almonds, constituted
+a Saxon dessert; and in the reign of Edward III. an Act of Parliament
+was passed, forbidding any man or woman to be served with more than
+two courses, unless on high days and holidays, when each was entitled
+to three.
+
+Here is the bill for the ingredients of a big dinner provided by a
+City Company in the fifteenth century: "Two loins of veal and two
+loins of mutton, 1s. 4d.; one loin of beef, 4d.; one dozen pigeons
+and 12 rabbits, 9d.; one pig and one capon, 1s.; one goose and 100
+eggs, 1s. 0½d.; one leg of mutton, 2½d.; two gallons of sack, 1s. 4d.;
+eight gallons of strong ale, 1s. 6d.; total, 7s. 6d." Alas! In these
+advanced days the goose alone would cost more than the "demmed total."
+
+Cedric the Saxon's dining table, described in _Ivanhoe_, was of a much
+simpler description than the one noted above; and the fare also. But
+there was no lack of assorted liquors--old wine and ale, good mead and
+cider, rich morat (a mixture of honey and mulberry juice, a somewhat
+gouty beverage, probably), and odoriferous pigment--which was composed
+of highly-spiced wine, sweetened with honey. The Virgin Queen, at a
+later epoch, was catered for more delicately; and we read that she
+detested all coarse meats, evil smells, and strong wines. During the
+Georgian era coarse meats and strong wines were by no means out of
+favour; and Highland banquets especially were Gargantuan feasts, to
+be read of with awe. The dinner given by Fergus MacIvor, in honour
+of Captain Waverley, consisted of dishes of fish and game, carefully
+dressed, at the upper end of the table, immediately under the eye
+of the English stranger. "Lower down stood immense clumsy joints of
+beef," says the gifted author, "which, but for the absence of pork,
+abhorred in the Highlands, resembled the rude festivity of the banquet
+of Penelope's suitors. But the central dish was a yearling lamb,
+called a "hog in har'st," roasted whole. It was set upon its legs,
+with a bunch of parsley in its mouth, and was probably exhibited in
+that form to gratify the pride of the cook, who piqued himself more
+on the plenty than the elegance of his master's table. The sides of
+this poor animal"--the lamb, not the cook, we suppose is meant--"were
+fiercely attacked by the clansmen, some with dirks, others with the
+knives worn in the same sheath as the dagger, so that it was soon
+rendered a mangled and rueful spectacle."
+
+A spectacle which reminds the writer of a dinner table at the Royal
+Military College, Sandhurst, in the early sixties.
+
+"Lower down," continues Sir Walter, "the victuals seemed of yet
+coarser quality, though sufficiently abundant. Broth, onions, cheese,
+and the fragments of the feast, regaled the sons of Ivor, who feasted
+in the open air."
+
+The funeral baked meats used after the interment of the chief of the
+Clan Quhele (described in _The Fair Maid of Perth_) were also on a
+very extensive scale, and were, like the other meal, "digested" with
+pailfuls of usquebaugh, for which no Highland head that supported a
+bonnet was ever "the waur i' th' morn." And the custom of placing
+bagpipers behind the chairs of the guests, after they have well drunk,
+which is still observed in Highland regiments, was probably introduced
+by the aforesaid Fergus MacIvor, who really ought to have known better.
+
+And so the years rolled on; and at the commencement of the nineteenth
+century, old England, instead of enjoying the blessings of universal
+peace, such as the spread of the Gospel of Christianity might have
+taught us to expect, found herself involved in rather more warfare
+than was good for trade, or anything else. The first "innings" of the
+Corsican usurper was a short but merry one; the second saw him finally
+"stumped." And from that period dates the "avenging of Waterloo" which
+we have suffered in silence for so long. The immigration of aliens
+commenced, and in the tight little island were deposited a large
+assortment of the poisonous seeds of alien cookery which had never
+exactly flourished before. The combat between the Roast Beef of old
+England and the bad fairy "_Ala_," with her attendant sprites Grease,
+Vinegar, and Garlic, commenced; a combat which at the end of the
+nineteenth century looked excessively like terminating in favour of
+the fairy.
+
+It has been repeatedly urged against my former gastronomic writings
+that they are unjustly severe on French cookery; that far greater
+minds than mine own have expressed unqualified approval thereof;
+that I know absolutely nothing about the subject; and that my avowed
+hatred of our lively neighbours and their works is so ferocious as
+to become ridiculous. These statements are not altogether fair to
+myself. I have no "avowed hatred" of our lively neighbours; in fact,
+upon one occasion on returning from the celebration of the Grand
+Prix, I saw a vision of----but that is a different anecdote. My lash
+has never embraced the entire _batterie de cuisine_ of the _chef_,
+and there be many French _plats_ which are agreeable to the palate,
+as long as we are satisfied that the _matériel_ of which they are
+composed is sound, wholesome, and of the best quality. It is the cheap
+_restaurateur_ who should be improved out of England. I was years ago
+inveigled into visiting the kitchen of one of these grease-and-garlic
+shops, and----but the memory is too terrible for language. And will
+anybody advance the statement that a basin of the _tortue claire_ of
+the average _chef_ deserves to be mentioned in the same breath with a
+plate of clear turtle at Birch's or Painter's? or that good genuine
+English soup, whether ox-tail, mock-turtle, pea, oyster, or Palestine,
+is not to be preferred to the French _purée_, or to their teakettle
+broth flavoured with carrots, cabbages, and onions, and dignified by
+the name of _consommé_?
+
+Then let us tackle the subject of fish. Would you treat a salmon in
+the British way, or smother him with thick brown gravy, fried onions,
+garlic, mushrooms, inferior claret, oysters, sugar, pepper, salt,
+and nutmeg, _en Matelote_, or mince him fine to make a ridiculous
+_mousse_? Similarly with the honest, manly sole; would you fry or
+grill him plain, or bake him in a coat of rich white sauce, onion
+juice, mussel ditto, and white wine, or cider, _à la Normande_; or
+cover him with toasted cheese _à la Cardinal_?
+
+The fairy "_Ala_" is likewise responsible for the clothing of purely
+English food in French disguises. Thus a leg of mutton becomes a
+_gigot_, a pheasant (for its transgressions in eating the poor
+farmer's barley) a _faisan_, and is charged for at special rates in
+the bill; whilst the nearest to a beef-steak our lively neighbours
+can get is a portion of beef with the fibre smashed by a wooden
+mallet, surmounted by an exceedingly bilious-looking compound like
+axle-grease, and called a _Châteaubriand_; and curry becomes under the
+new _régime_, _kari_.
+
+Undoubtedly, the principal reason for serving food smothered in
+made-gravies lies in the inferiority of the food. Few judges will
+credit France with the possession of better butcher's-meat--with the
+exception of veal--than the perfidious island, which is so near in the
+matter of distance, and yet so far in the matter of custom. And it is
+an established fact that the fish of Paris is not as fresh as the fish
+of London. Hence the _sole Normande_, the _sole au gratin_, and the
+sole smothered in toasted cheese. But when we islanders are charged
+at least four times as much for the inferior article, in its foreign
+cloak, as for the home article in its native majesty, I think the
+time has come to protest. It is possible to get an excellent dinner
+at any of the "Gordon" hotels, at the "Savoy," the "Cecil," and at
+some other noted food-houses--more especially at Romano's--by paying
+a stiff price for it; but it is due to a shameful lack of enterprise
+on the part of English caterers that a well-cooked English dinner is
+becoming more difficult to procure, year after year. There be three
+purely British dishes which are always "hoff" before all others on
+the programme of club, hotel, or eating-house; and these are, Irish
+stew, liver-and-bacon, and tripe-and-onions. Yet hardly a week
+passes without a new _dîner Parisien_ making its appearance in the
+advertisement columns of the newspapers; whilst the cheap-and-nasty
+_table d'hôte_, with its six or seven courses and its Spanish claret,
+has simply throttled the Roast Beef of Old England.
+
+"Sir," said Dr. Johnson, after examining a French _menu_, "my brain
+is obfuscated after the perusal of this heterogeneous conglomeration
+of bastard English ill-spelt, and a foreign tongue. I prithee bid thy
+knaves bring me a dish of hog's puddings, a slice or two from the
+upper cut of a well-roasted sirloin, and two apple-dumplings."
+
+"William," said George Augustus Sala to the old waiter at the
+"Cheshire Cheese," "I've had nothing fit to eat for three months; get
+me a point steak, for God's sake!"
+
+The great lauder of foreign cookery had only that day returned from
+a special mission to France, to "write up" the works of the _cordon
+bleu_ for the benefit of us benighted Englishmen. No man in the wide
+wide world knew so much, or could write so much, on the subject of and
+in praise of the fairy "_Ala_," as George Sala; and probably no man in
+the wide wide world so little appreciated her efforts.
+
+But how has it come about that the fairy "_Ala_" has gained such
+headway in this island of ours? The answer must commence another
+chapter.
+
+
+
+
+                             CHAPTER VII
+
+                         DINNER (_continued_)
+
+                          "It is the cause!"
+
+     Imitation--Dear Lady Thistlebrain--Try it on the
+     dog--Criminality of the English Caterer--The stove, the stink,
+     the steamer--Roasting _v._ Baking--False Economy--Dirty
+     ovens--Frills and fingers--Time over Dinner--A long-winded
+     Bishop--Corned beef.
+
+
+Now for the cause, alluded to at the end of the last chapter.
+
+_Imprimis_, the French invasion is due to the universal craze for
+imitation, which may be the sincerest form of flattery, but which
+frequently leads to bad results. For years past the fair sex of Great
+Britain have been looking to Paris for fashion in dress, as well as
+in cookery; whilst the other sex have long held the mistaken notion
+that "they manage things better in France." The idea that France is
+the only country capable of clothing the outer and the inner man,
+artistically, has taken deep root. Thus, if the Duchess of Dulverton
+import, regardless of expense, a divine creation in bonnets from
+the Rue de Castiglione, and air the same in church, it is good odds
+that little Mrs. Stokes, of the Talbot Road, Bayswater, will have
+had the _chapeau_ copied, at about one-twentieth of the original
+cost, by the next Sabbath day. Dear Lady Thistlebrain, who has _such_
+taste (since she quitted the family mangle in Little Toke Street,
+Lambeth, for two mansions, a castle, and a deer park), and with whom
+money is no object, pays her _chef_ the wages of an ambassador, and
+everybody raves over her dinners. Mrs. Potter of Maida Vale sets her
+"gal" (who studied higher gastronomy, together with the piano, and
+flower-painting on satin, at the Board School) to work on similar
+_menus_--with, on the whole, disastrous results. The London society
+and fashion journals encourage this snobbish idea by quoting _menus_,
+most of them ridiculous. Amongst the middle classes the custom of
+giving dinner parties at hotels has for some time past been spreading,
+partly to save trouble, and partly to save the brain of the domestic
+cook; so that instead of sitting down to a plain dinner, with, maybe,
+an _entrée_ or two sent in by the local confectioner--around the
+family mahogany tree, all may be fanciful decoration, and not half
+enough to eat, electric light, and _à la_ with attendance charged in
+the bill.
+
+The only way to stop this sort of thing is to bring the system into
+ridicule, to try it on the groundlings. A fair leader of _ton_, late
+in the sixties, appeared one morning in the haunts of fashion, her
+shapely shoulders covered with a cape of finest Russian sables, to the
+general admiration and envy of all her compeers. Thereupon, what did
+her dearest friend and (of course) most deadly rival do? Get a similar
+cape, or one of finer quality? Not a bit of it. She drove off, then
+and there, to her furriers, and had her coachman and footman fitted
+with similar capes, in (of course) cheaper material; and, when next
+afternoon she took the air in the park, in her perfectly appointed
+landau, her fur-clad menials created something like a panic in the
+camp of her enemy, whilst fur capes for fair leaders of "_ton_," were,
+like hashed venison at a City luncheon, very soon "hoff."
+
+It is extremely probable that, could it be arranged to feed our
+starving poor, beneath the public gaze, on _sôles Normandes_,
+_côtelettes à la Reform_, and _salmi de gibier truffé_; to feast our
+workhouse children on _bisque d'écrévisses_ and _Ananas à la
+Créole_, the upper classes of Great Britain would soon revert to plain
+roast and boiled.
+
+But after all it is the English caterer who is chiefly to blame for
+his own undoing. How is it that in what may be called the "food
+streets" of the metropolis the foreign food-supplier should outnumber
+the purveyor of the Roast Beef of Old England in the proportion of
+fifty to one? Simply because the Roast Beef of Old England has become
+almost as extinct as the Dodo. There are but few English kitchens, at
+this end of the nineteenth century, in the which meat is roasted in
+front of the fire.
+
+In order to save the cost of fuel, most English (save the mark!)
+cooking is now performed by gas or steam; and at many large
+establishments the food, whether fish, flesh, fowl, vegetables or
+pastry, all goes, in a raw state, into a species of chest of drawers
+made of block-tin, in which receptacle the daily luncheons, dinners,
+and suppers are steamed and robbed of all flavour, save that of hot
+tin. The pity of it! Better, far better for mankind the _à la_ system
+than to be gradually "steamed" into the tomb!
+
+It is alleged that as good results in the way of roasting can be got
+from an oven as from the spit. But that oven must be ventilated--with
+both an inlet and an outlet ventilator, for one will not act without
+the other. It is also advisable that said oven should be cleaned out
+occasionally; for a hot oven with no joint therein will emit odours
+anything but agreeable, if not attended to; and it is not too sweeping
+a statement to say that the majority of ovens in busy kitchens
+are foul. The system of steaming food (the alleged "roasts" being
+subsequently browned in an oven) is of comparatively recent date;
+but the oven as a roaster was the invention of one Count Rumford, at
+the beginning of the nineteenth century. In one of his lectures on
+oven-roasting, this nobleman remarked that he despaired of getting any
+Englishman to believe his words; so that he was evidently confronted
+with plenty of prejudice, which it is devoutly to be prayed still
+exists in English homes. For I do vow and protest that the oven odours
+which pervade the neighbourhood of the Strand, London, at midday, are
+by no means calculated to whet the appetite of the would-be luncher or
+diner. This is what such an authority as Mr. Buckmaster wrote on the
+subject of the spit _versus_ the oven:
+
+     "I believe I am regarded as a sort of heretic on the
+     question of roasting meat. My opinion is that the essential
+     condition of good roasting is constant basting, and this the
+     meat is not likely to have when shut up in an iron box; and
+     what is not easily done is easily neglected."
+
+In this connection there are more heretics than Mr. Buckmaster. But
+if during my lifetime the days of burning heretics should be revived,
+I shall certainly move the Court of Criminal Appeal in favour of
+being roasted or grilled before, or over, the fire, instead of being
+deprived of my natural juices in an iron box.
+
+Some few "roast" houses are still in existence in London, but they be
+few and far between; and since Mr. Cooper gave up the "Albion," nearly
+opposite the stage-door of Drury Lane Theatre, the lover of good,
+wholesome, English food has lost one old-fashioned tavern in the which
+he was certain of enjoying such food.
+
+It has been repeatedly urged in favour of French cookery that it
+is so economical. But economy in the preparation of food is by no
+means an unmixed blessing. I do not believe that much sole-leather
+is used up in the ordinary _ragoût_, or _salmi_; but many of us who
+can afford more expensive joints have a prejudice against "scrags";
+whilst the tails of mutton chops frequently have a tainted flavour,
+and the drumsticks and backs of fowls are only fit to grill, or boil
+down into gravy. And it is not only the alien who is economical in
+his preparation of the banquet. Many of the dwellers in the highways
+and bye-ways of our great metropolis will boil down the outer skin
+of a ham, and place a portion thereof, together with such scraps as
+may also be purchased, at a penny or twopence the plateful, at the
+ham and beef emporium, with maybe a "block ornament" or two from the
+butcher's, in a pie dish, with a superstructure of potatoes, and have
+the "scrap pie" cooked at the baker's for the Sunday dinner. Poor
+wretches! Not much "waste" goes on in such households. But I have
+known the "gal" who tortured the food in a cheap lodging-house throw
+away the water in which a joint had just been boiled, but whether
+this was from sheer ignorance, or "cussedness," or the desire to save
+herself any future labour in the concoction of soup, deponent sayeth
+not. By the way, it is in the matter of soup that the tastes of the
+British and French peasantry differ so materially. Unless he or she
+be absolutely starving, it is next to impossible to get one of the
+groundlings of old England to attempt a basin of soup. And when they
+do attempt the same, it has been already made for them. The Scotch,
+who are born cooks, know much better than this; but do not, O reader,
+if at all thin of skin, or refined of ear, listen too attentively to
+the thanks which a denizen of the "disthressful counthry" will bestow
+upon you for a "dhirty bowl o' bone-juice."
+
+How many modern diners, we wonder, know the original object of
+placing frills around the shank of a leg or shoulder of mutton, a
+ham, the shins of a fowl, or the bone of a cutlet? Fingers were
+made before--and a long time before--forks. In the seventeenth
+century--prior to which epoch not much nicety was observed in
+carving, or eating--we read that "English gentlewomen were instructed
+by schoolmistresses and professors of etiquette as to the ways in
+which it behoved them to carve joints. That she might be able to grasp
+a roasted chicken without greasing her left hand, the gentle housewife
+was careful to trim its foot and the lower part of its legs with cut
+paper. The paper frill which may still be seen round the bony point
+and small end of a leg of mutton, is a memorial of the fashion in
+which joints were _dressed_ for the dainty hands of lady-carvers, in
+time prior to the introduction of the carving-fork, an implement that
+was not in universal use so late as the Commonwealth."
+
+How long we should sit over the dinner-table is a matter of
+controversy. At the commencement of the nineteenth century, in the
+hard-drinking times, our forefathers were loth indeed to quit the
+table. But the fairer portion of the guests were accustomed to adjourn
+early, for tea and scandal in the withdrawing-room, the while their
+lords sat and quarrelled over their port, with locked doors; and where
+they fell there they frequently passed the night. The editor of the
+_Almanach des Gourmands_ wrote: "Five hours at table are a reasonable
+latitude to allow in the case of a large party and recondite cheer."
+But the worthy Grimod de la Reymière, the editor aforesaid, lived
+at a period when dinner was not served as late as 8.30 P.M. There
+is a legend of an Archbishop of York "who sat three entire years at
+dinner." But this is one of those tales which specially suited the
+dull, brandy-sodden brains of our ancestors. The facts are simply as
+follows:--the archbishop had just sat down to dinner at noon when
+an Italian priest called. Hearing that the dignitary was sitting at
+meat the priest whiled away an hour in looking at the minster, and
+called again, but was again "repelled by the porter." Twice more that
+afternoon did the surly porter repel the Italian, and at the fourth
+visit "the porter, in a heate, answered never a worde, and churlishlie
+did shutte the gates upon him." Then the discomfited Italian returned
+to Rome; and three years later, encountering an Englishman in the
+Eternal City, who declared himself right well known to His Grace of
+York, the Italian, all smiles, inquired: "I pray you, good sir, hath
+that archbishop finished dinner yet?" Hence the story, which was
+doubtless originally told by a fly-fisher.
+
+It is not a little singular that with increasing civilisation, a gong,
+which is of barbaric, or semi-barbaric origin, should be the means
+usually employed to summon us to the dinner-table. In days of yore
+the horn, or cornet, was blown as the signal. Alexander Dumas tells
+us that "at the period when noon was the dinner hour, the horn or
+cornet (_le cor_) was used in great houses to announce dinner. Hence
+came an expression which has been lost; they used to say cornet (or
+trumpet) the dinner (_cornez le diner_)." And we are asked to believe
+that to this practice "corned" beef owes its derivation. "In days when
+inferior people ate little meat in the winter months save salted beef,
+the more usual form of the order was _cornez le boeuf_, or 'corn the
+beef.' Richardson errs egregiously when he insists that corned beef
+derived its distinguishing epithet from the grains or corns of salt
+with which it was pickled. Corned beef is trumpeted beef, or as we
+should nowadays say, dinner-bell beef."
+
+Well--"I hae ma doots," as the Scotsman said. I am not so sure that
+Richardson erred egregiously. But after all, as long as the beef be
+good, and can be carved without the aid of pick and spade, what does
+it matter? Let us to dinner!
+
+
+
+
+                             CHAPTER VIII
+
+                         DINNER (_continued_)
+
+                    "The strong table groans
+           Beneath the smoking sirloin stretched immense."
+
+     A merry Christmas--Bin F--A _Noel_
+     banquet--Water-cress--How Royalty fares--The
+     Tsar--_Bouillabaisse_--_Tournedos_--_Bisque_--_Vol-au-vent_--_Prè
+     salé_--Chinese banquets--A fixed bayonet--_Bernardin
+     salmi_--The duck-squeezer--American cookery--"Borston"
+     beans--He couldn't eat beef.
+
+
+A Christmas dinner in the early Victorian era! _Quelle fête
+magnifique!_ The man who did not keep Christmas in a fitting manner
+in those days was not thought much of. "Dines by himself at the club
+on Christmas day!" was the way the late Mr. George Payne of sporting
+memory, summed up a certain middle-aged recluse, with heaps of money,
+who, although he had two estates in the country, preferred to live in
+two small rooms in St. James's Place, S.W., and to take his meals at
+"Arthur's."
+
+And how we boys (not to mention the little lasses in white frocks and
+black mittens) used to overeat ourselves, on such occasions, with no
+fear of pill, draught, or "staying in," before our eyes!
+
+The writer has in his mind's eye a good specimen of such an
+old-fashioned dinner, as served in the fifties. It was pretty much
+the same feast every Christmas. We commenced with some sort of clear
+soup, with meat in it. Then came a codfish, crimped--the head of that
+household would have as soon thought of eating a _sôle au vin blanc_
+as of putting before his family an uncrimped cod--with plenty of
+liver, oyster sauce, and pickled walnuts; and at the other end of the
+table was a dish of fried smelts. _Entrées?_ Had any of the diners
+asked for an _entrée_, his or her _exit_ from the room would have been
+a somewhat rapid one. A noble sirloin of Scotch beef faced a boiled
+turkey anointed with celery sauce; and then appeared the blazing
+pudding, and the mince-pies. For the next course, a dish of toasted
+(or rather stewed) cheese, home-made and full of richness, was handed
+round, with dry toast, the bearer of which was closely pursued by a
+varlet carrying a huge double-handed vessel of hot spiced-ale, bobbing
+or floating about in the which were roasted crab-apples and sippets of
+toast; and it was _de rigueur_ for each of those who sat at meat to
+extract a sippet, to eat with the cheese.
+
+How the old retainer, grey and plethoric with service, loved us boys,
+and how he would manoeuvre to obtain for us the tit-bits! A favoured
+servitor was "Joseph"; and though my revered progenitor was ostensibly
+the head of the house, he would, on occasion, "run a bad second"
+to "Joseph." Memory is still keen of a certain chilly evening in
+September, when the ladies had retired to the drawing-room, and the
+male guests were invited to be seated at the small table which had
+been wheeled close to the replenished fire.
+
+"Joseph," said the dear old man, "bring us a bottle or two of the
+yellow seal--_you_ know--Bin F."
+
+The servitor drew near to his master, and in a stage whisper exclaimed:
+
+"You can't afford it, sir!"
+
+"What's that?" roared the indignant old man.
+
+"You can't afford it, sir--Hawthornden's won th' Leger!"
+
+"Good Gad!" A pause--and then, "Well, never mind, Joseph, we'll have
+up the yellow seal, all the same."
+
+One of the writer's last Christmas dinners was partaken of in a sweet
+little house in Mayfair; and affords somewhat of a contrast with the
+meal quoted above. We took our appetites away with a salad composed
+of anchovies, capers, truffles, and other things, a Russian sardine
+or two, and rolls and butter. Thence, we drifted into _Bouillabaisse_
+(a tasty but bile-provoking broth), toyed with some _filets de sôle
+à la Parisienne_ (good but greasy), and disposed of a _tournedos_,
+with a nice fat oyster atop, apiece (_et parlez-moi d'ça!_). Then came
+some dickey-birds _sur canapé_--alleged to be snipe, but destitute
+of flavour, save that of the tin they had been spoiled in, and of
+the "canopy." An alien cook can _not_ cook game, whatever choice
+confections he may turn out--at least that is the experience of the
+writer. We had _cressons_, of course, with the birds; though how
+water-cress can possibly assimilate with the flesh of a snipe is
+questionable. "Water-creases" are all very well at tea in the arbour,
+but don't go smoothly with any sort of fowl; and to put such rank
+stuff into a salad--as my hostess's cook did--is absolutely criminal.
+
+To continue the Mayfair banquet, the salad was followed by a _soufflée
+à la Noel_ (which reminded some of the more imaginative of our party
+of the festive season), some cheese straws, and the customary ices,
+coffee, and liqueurs. On the whole, not a bad meal; but what would old
+Father Christmas have said thereto? What would my revered progenitor
+have remarked, had he been allowed to revisit the glimpses of the
+moon? He did not love our lively neighbours; and, upon the only
+occasion on which he was inveigled across the Channel, took especial
+care to recross it the very next day, lest, through circumstances
+not under his own control, he might come to be "buried amongst these
+d----d French!"
+
+The following _menu_ may give some idea as to how
+
+
+                              _Royalty_
+
+entertains its guests. Said _menu_, as will be seen, is comparatively
+simple, and many of the dishes are French only in name:--
+
+                               Huîtres
+                                 ----
+                       Consommé aux oeufs pochés
+                         Bisque d'écrevisses
+                                 ----
+                        Turbot, sauce d'homard
+                    Fillets de saumon à l'Indienne
+                                 ----
+                        Vol-au-vent Financière
+                        Mauviettes sur le Nid
+                                 ----
+                   Selle de mouton de Galles rotie
+                        Poulardes à l'Estragon
+                                 ----
+                               Faisans
+                        Bécassines sur croûte
+                                 ----
+                         Chouxfleur au gratin
+                                 ----
+                             Plum Pudding
+                        Bavarois aux abricots
+                                 ----
+                           Glace à la Mocha
+
+Truly a pattern dinner, this; and 'twould be sheer impertinence to
+comment thereon, beyond remarking that English dishes should, in
+common fairness, be called by English names.
+
+Her Imperial Majesty the Tsaritza, on the night of her arrival at
+Darmstadt, in October 1896, sat down, together with her august
+husband, to the following simple meal:--
+
+           Consommé de Volaille    Cronstades d'écrevisses
+                                 ----
+                    Filet de Turbot à la Joinville
+                                 ----
+                         Cimier de Chevreuil
+           [A haunch of Roebuck is far to be desired above
+                  the same quarter of the red deer].
+                                 ----
+                         Terrine de Perdreaux
+                                 ----
+                            Ponche Royale
+                                 ----
+                           Poularde de Metz
+                                 ----
+                          Choux de Bruxelles
+                                 ----
+                        Bavarois aux Abricots
+                                 ----
+                           Glaces Panachées
+
+The partiality of crowned heads towards "Bavarois aux
+Abricots"--"Bavarois" is simply Bavarian cheese, a superior sort of
+_blanc mange_--is proverbial. And the above repast was served on
+priceless Meissen china and silver. The only remarks I will make upon
+the above _menu_ are that it is quite possible that the capon may have
+come from Metz, though not very probable. French cooks name their
+meat and poultry in the most reckless fashion. For instance, owing to
+this reckless nomenclature the belief has grown that the best ducks
+come from Rouen. Nothing of the sort. There are just as good ducks
+raised at West Hartlepool as at Rouen. "Rouen" in the bill-of-fare is
+simply a corruption of "roan"; and a "roan duck" is a quacker who
+has assumed (through crossing) the reddish plumage of the wild bird.
+As for (alleged) Surrey fowls, most of them come from Heathfield in
+Sussex, whence £142,000 worth were sent in 1896.
+
+Let us enquire into the composition of some of the high-sounding
+_plats_, served up by the average _chef_.
+
+_Bouillabaisse._--Of it Thackeray sang--
+
+            "This Bouillabaisse a noble dish is--
+               A sort of soup, or broth, or brew,
+             Or hotch-potch of all sorts of fishes
+               That Greenwich never could outdo:
+             Green herbs, red peppers, mussels, saffron,
+             Soles, onions, garlic, roach, and dace;
+             All these you eat at Terré's tavern,
+               In that one dish of Bouillabaisse."
+
+Avoid eels and herrings in this concoction as too oily. Soles,
+mullet, John Dory, whiting, flounders, perch, roach, and mussels
+will blend well, and allow half a pound of fish for each person. For
+every pound of fish put in the stewpan a pint of water, a quarter of
+a pint of white wine, and a tablespoonful of salad oil. If there be
+four partakers, add two sliced onions, two cloves, two bay-leaves,
+two leeks (the white part only, chopped), four cloves of garlic, a
+tablespoonful chopped parsley, a good squeeze of lemon juice, half
+an ounce of chopped capsicums, a teaspoonful (or more _ad lib._) of
+saffron, with pepper and salt. Mix the chopped fish in all this, and
+boil for half an hour. Let the mixture "gallop" and strain into a
+tureen with sippets, and the fish served separately.
+
+_Tournedos._--No relation to tornado, and you won't find the word in
+any Gallic dictionary. A _tournedos_ is a thin collop of beef, steeped
+in a _marinade_ for twenty-four hours (personally I prefer it without
+the aid of the marine) and fried lightly. Turn it but _once_. The
+oyster atop is simply scalded. _Try this dish._
+
+_Bisque._--In the seventeenth century this was made from pigeons by
+the poor barbarians who knew not the gentle lobster, nor the confiding
+crayfish. Heat up to boiling-point a Mirepoix of white wine. You don't
+know what a
+
+                              _Mirepoix_
+
+is? Simply a faggot of vegetables, named after a notorious cuckold
+of noble birth in the time of Louis XV. Two carrots, two onions, two
+shalots, two bay-leaves, a sprig of thyme and a clove of garlic.
+Mince very small, with half a pound of fat bacon, half a pound of raw
+ham, pepper and salt, and a little butter. Add a sufficiency of white
+wine. In this mixture cook two dozen crayfish for twenty minutes,
+continually tossing them about till red, when take them out to cool.
+Shell them, all but the claws, which should be pounded in a mortar and
+mixed with butter. The flesh of the tails is reserved to be put in the
+soup at the last minute; the body-flesh goes back into the _mirepoix_,
+to which two quarts of broth are now added. Add the pounded shells to
+the soup, simmer for an hour and a half, strain, heat up, add a piece
+of butter, the tails, a seasoning of cayenne, and a few _quenelles_
+of whiting.
+
+_Vol-au-vent Financière._--This always reminds me of the fearful
+threat hurled by the waiter in the "Bab Ballads" at his flighty
+sweetheart:
+
+            "Flirtez toujours, ma belle, si tu oses,
+              Je me vengerai ainsi, ma chère:
+            Je lui dirai d'quoi on compose
+              Vol-au-vent à la Financière!"
+
+     Make your crust--light as air, and flaky as snow, an you
+     value your situation--and fill with button mushrooms, truffles,
+     cock's-combs, _quenelles_ of chicken, and sweetbread, all
+     chopped, seasoned, and moistened with a butter sauce. Brown
+     gravy is objectionable. Garnish the _Vol_ with fried parsley,
+     which goes well with most luxuries of this sort.
+
+There are some words which occur frequently in French cookery which,
+to the ordinary perfidious Briton, are cruelly misleading. For years
+I was under the impression that _Brillat Savarin_ was a species of
+filleted fish (brill) in a rich gravy, instead of a French magistrate,
+who treated gastronomy poetically, and always ate his food too fast.
+And only within the last decade have I discovered what a
+
+
+                              _Pré Salé_
+
+really means. Literally, it is "salt meadow, or marsh." It is said
+that sheep fed on a salt marsh make excellent mutton; but is it not
+about time for Britannia, the alleged pride of the ocean, and ruler of
+its billows, to put her foot down and protest against a leg of "prime
+Down"--but recently landed from the Antipodes--being described on the
+card as a _Gigot de pré salé_?
+
+The meals, like the ways, of the "Heathen Chinee" are peculiar. Some
+of his food, to quote poor Corney Grain, is "absolutely beastly."
+
+
+                           _Li Hung Chang_
+
+was welcomed to Carlton House Terrace, London, with a dinner, in
+twelve courses, the following being the principal items:--Roast duck,
+roast pork and raspberry jam, followed by dressed cucumber. Shrimps
+were devoured, armour and all, with leeks, gherkins, and mushrooms.
+A couple of young chickens preserved in wine and vinegar, with green
+peas, a _purée_ of pigeon's legs followed by an assortment of sour
+jellies. The banquet concluded with sponge cakes and tea.
+
+In his own land the
+
+
+                     _Chinaman's Evening Repast_
+
+is much more variegated than the above. It is almost as long as a
+Chinese drama, and includes melon seeds, bitter almonds, bamboo
+sprouts, jelly-fish, cucumber, roast duck, chicken stewed in spirit
+dregs,[4] peas, prawns, sausages, scallions, fish-brawn, pork
+chops, plum blossoms, oranges, bird's-nest soup, pigeons' eggs
+in bean curd--the eggs being "postponed" ones--fungus, shrimps,
+macerated fish-fins, ham in flour, ham in honey, turnip cakes, roast
+sucking-pig, fish maws, roast mutton, wild ducks' feet, water
+chestnuts, egg rolls, lily seeds, stewed mushrooms, dressed crab with
+jam, chrysanthemum pasties, _bêche-de-mer_, and pigs' feet in honey.
+Can it be wondered at that this nation should have been brought to its
+knees by gallant little Japan?
+
+
+                      _The Englishman in China_
+
+has not a particularly good time of it, in the gastronomic way,
+and H.M. forces in Hong Kong are largely dependent on Shanghai for
+supplies. There is "plenty pig" all over the land; but the dairy-fed
+pork of old England is preferable. And the way "this little pig goes
+to market" savours so strongly of the most refined cruelty that a
+branch of the R.S.P.C.A. would have the busiest of times of it over
+yonder.
+
+Reverting to French cookery, here is an appetising dish, called a
+
+
+                          _Bernardin Salmi_.
+
+It should be prepared in the dining-room, before the eyes of the
+guests; and Grimod de la Reyniere (to whom the recipe was given by
+the prior of an abbey of Bernardin monks) recommends that the _salmi_
+should be conveyed to the mouth with a fork, for fear of devouring
+one's fingers, should they touch the sauce.
+
+     Take three woodcocks, underdone, and cut them into neat
+     portions. On a silver dish bruise the livers and trails,
+     squeeze over them the juice of four (?) lemons, and grate over
+     them a little of the thin rind. Add the portions of woodcock,
+     seasoned with salt, and--according to the prior--mixed spices
+     and two teaspoonfuls of French mustard; but the writer would
+     substitute cayenne _seul_; over all half a wine-glass of
+     sherry; and then put the dish over a spirit lamp. When the
+     mixture is _nearly_ boiling, add a tablespoonful of salad oil,
+     blow out the light, and stir well. _Four_ lemons are mentioned
+     in this recipe, as at the time it was written lemons were very
+     small when "cocks" were "in." _Two_ imported lemons (or limes)
+     will amply suffice nowadays.
+
+
+                        _A Salmi of Wild Duck_
+
+can be made almost in the same way, but here the aid of that modern
+instrument the _Duck-Squeezer_ is necessary.
+
+     Cut the best of the meat in slices, off a lightly-roasted
+     wild-duck, after brought to table; break up the carcase and
+     place in a species of mill (silver) called a "duck-squeezer,"
+     which possesses a spout through which the richness of the
+     animal escapes, after being squeezed. Make a gravy of this
+     liquor, in a silver dish (with a spirit lamp beneath), added to
+     a small pat of butter, the juice of a lemon, a tablespoonful
+     of Worcester sauce, with cayenne and salt to taste, and half
+     a wine-glassful of port wine. Warm the meat through in this
+     gravy, which must not boil.
+
+Of course these two last-named dishes are only intended for
+bachelor-parties. Lovely woman must not be kept waiting for
+"duck-squeezers" or anything else.
+
+
+                            _The Jesuits_
+
+introduced the turkey into Europe, of which feat the Jesuits need
+not boast too much; for to some minds there be many better edible
+birds; and the "gobbler" requires, when roasted or boiled, plenty of
+seasoning to make him palatable. The French stuff him in his roasted
+state, with truffles, fat force-meat, or chestnuts, and invariably
+"bard" the bird--"bard" is old English as well as old French--with
+fat bacon. The French turkey is also frequently brazed, with an
+abundant _mirepoix_ made with what their cooks call "Madére," but
+which is really Marsala. It is only we English who boil the "gobbler,"
+and stuff him (or her, for it is the hen who usually goes into the
+pot) with oysters, or force-meat, with celery sauce. Probably the
+best parts of the turkey are his legs, when grilled for breakfast,
+and smothered with the sauce mentioned in one of the chapters on
+"Breakfast"; and
+
+
+                           _Pulled Turkey_
+
+makes an agreeable luncheon-dish, or _entrée_ at dinner, the
+breast-meat being pulled off the bone with a fork, and fricasseed,
+surrounded in the dish by the grilled thighs and pinions.
+
+Who introduced the turkey into America deponent sayeth not. Probably,
+like Topsy, it "growed" there. Anyhow the bird is so familiar a
+table-companion in the States, that Americans, when on tour in Europe,
+fight very shy of him. "Tukkey, sah, cranberry sarce," used to be the
+stereotyped reply of the black waiter when interrogated on the subject
+of the bill of fare.
+
+
+                           _Coloured Help_
+
+is, however, gradually being ousted (together with sulphur matches)
+from the big hotels in New York, where white waiting and white food
+are coming into, or have come into, regular use. In fact, with
+the occasional addition of one or other of such special dishes as
+terrapin, soft-shell crab, clam chowder, and the everlasting pork and
+beans, a dinner in New York differs very little at the time of writing
+(1897) from one in London. The taste for
+
+
+                            _Clam Chowder_
+
+is an acquired one, nor will stewed tortoise ever rank with thick
+turtle in British estimation, although 'tis not the same tortoise
+which is used in London households to break the coals with. A
+
+
+                         _Canvass-back Duck_,
+
+if eaten in the land of his birth, is decidedly the most
+delicately-flavoured of all the "Quack" family. His favourite food is
+said to be wild celery, and his favoured haunts the neighbourhood of
+Chesapeake Bay, from whose waters comes the much prized "diamond-back"
+terrapin, which is sold at the rate of 50$ or 60$ the dozen. The
+canvass-back duck, however, suffers in transportation; in fact, the
+tendency of the ice-house aboard ship is to rob all food of its
+flavour.
+
+But however good be the living in
+
+
+                           _New York City_
+
+--where the hotels are the best in the world, and whose _Mr.
+Delmonico_ can give points to all sorts and conditions of food
+caterers--it is "a bit rough" in the provinces. There is a story told
+of a young actor, on tour, who "struck" a small town out West, and put
+up at a small inn. In the course of time dinner was served, and the
+landlord waited at table. The principal cover was removed, disclosing
+a fine joint of coarsish, indifferently-cooked beef. Our young actor
+was strangely moved at the sight.
+
+"What?" he cried. "Beef again? This is horrible! I've seen no other
+food for months, and I'm sick and tired of it. I can't eat beef."
+
+Whereupon his host whipped out a huge "six-shooter" revolver, and
+covering the recalcitrant beef-eater, coolly remarked:
+
+"Guess you kin!"
+
+But I don't believe that story, any more than I believe the anecdote
+of the cowboys and the daylight let through the visitor who couldn't
+eat beans.
+
+
+
+
+                              CHAPTER IX
+
+                         DINNER (_continued_)
+
+                "The combat deepens. On ye brave,
+                 The _cordon bleu_, and then the grave!
+                 Wave, landlord! all thy _menus_ wave,
+                     And charge with all thy devilry!"
+
+     French soup--A regimental dinner--A city
+     banquet--_Baksheesh_--Aboard ship--An ideal dinner--Cod's
+     liver--Sleeping in the kitchen--A _fricandeau_--Regimental
+     messes--Peter the Great--Napoleon the Great--Victoria--The Iron
+     Duke--Mushrooms--A medical opinion--A North Pole banquet--Dogs
+     as food--Plain unvarnished fare--The Kent Road cookery--More
+     beans than bacon.
+
+
+"What's in a name?" inquired the love-sick Juliet. "What?" echoes
+the bad fairy "_Ala_." After all the fuss made by the French over
+their soups, we might expect more variety than is given us. If it be
+true that we English have only one sauce, it is equally true that
+our lively neighbours have only one soup--and that one is a broth.
+It is known to the frequenters of restaurants under at least eleven
+different names _Brunoise_, _Jardinière_, _Printanier_, _Chiffonade_,
+_Macédoine_, _Julienne_, _Faubonne_, _Paysanne_, _Flamande_,
+_Mitonnage_, _Croûte au Pot_, and, as Sam Weller would say, "It's the
+flavouring as does it." It is simply _bouillon_, plain broth, and weak
+at that. The addition of a cabbage, or a leek, or a common or beggar's
+crust, will change a _potage à la Jardinière_ into a _Croûte au Pot_,
+and _vice versa_. Great is "_Ala_"; and five hundred per cent is her
+profit!
+
+The amount of money lavished by diners-about upon the productions
+of the alien _chef_ would be ludicrous to consider, were not the
+extravagance absolutely criminal. The writer has partaken of about
+the most expensive dinner--English for the most part, with French
+names to the dishes--that could be put on the table, the charge being
+(including wines) one guinea per mouth. Another banquet, given by a
+gay youth who had acquired a large sum through ruining somebody else
+on the Stock Exchange--the meal positively reeking of _Ala_--was
+charged for by the hotel manager at the rate of _sixteen pounds_
+per head, also including wines. I was told afterwards, though I
+am still sceptical as to the veracity of the statement, that the
+flowers on the table at that banquet cost alone more than £75. And
+only on the previous Sunday, our host's father--a just nobleman and
+a God-fearing--had delivered a lecture, at a popular institution, on
+"Thrift."
+
+Here follows the _menu_ of the above-mentioned guinea meal,
+
+                        _A Regimental Dinner_,
+
+held at a well-known city house.
+
+           _Vins._         |             _Hors d'OEuvres._
+                           |     Crevettes. Thon Mariné. Beurre.
+                           |                  Radis.
+                           |
+                           |                _Potages._
+  Madère.                  |         Tortue Claire et Liée.
+                           |           Gras de Tortue Vert.
+                           |
+                           |           _Relevés de Tortue._
+  Ponche Glacé.            |        Ailerons aux fines Herbes.
+                           |        Côtelettes à la Périgueux.
+                           |
+                           |               _Poissons._
+                           |            Souché de Saumon.
+  Schloss Johannisberg.    |           Turbot au Vin Blanc.
+                           |        Blanchaille Nature et Kari.
+                           |
+                           |                _Entrées._
+  Amontillado.             |  Suprême de Ris de Veau à la Princesse.
+                           |             Aspic de Homard.
+                           |
+  Champagne.               |                _Relevés._
+    Piper Heidsieck, 1884. |         Venaison, Sauce Groseille.
+    Boll et Cie., 1884.    |           York Ham au Champagne.
+  Burgundy.                |          Poulardes à l'Estragon.
+    Romanée, 1855.         |                   -----
+                           |         Asperges. Haricots Verts.
+                           |            Pommes Rissoliées.
+                           |
+                           |                  _Rôt._
+  Port, 1851.              |             Canetons de Rouen.
+                           |
+                           |               _Entremets._
+  Claret.                  | Ananas à la Créole. Patisserie Parisienne.
+    Château Léoville.      |             Gelées Panachées.
+                           |
+                           |                  _Glace._
+  Liqueurs.                |           Soufflés aux Fraises.
+                           |
+                           |              _Dessert, etc._
+
+And some of the younger officers complained bitterly at having to pay
+£1:1s. for the privilege of "larking" over such a course!
+
+There are only three faults I can find in the above programme: (1)
+Confusion to the man who expects the British Army to swallow green fat
+in French. (2) Whitebait is far too delicately flavoured a fowl to
+curry. (3) Too much eating and drinking.
+
+
+                            _City Dinners_
+
+are for the most part an infliction (or affliction) on the diner. With
+more than fourscore sitting at meat, the miracle of the loaves and
+fishes is repeated--with, frequently, the fish left out.
+
+"I give you my word, dear old chappie," once exclaimed a gilded youth
+who had been assisting at one of these functions, to the writer, "all
+I could get hold of, during the struggle, was an orange and a cold
+plate!"
+
+The great and powerful system of
+
+
+                             _Baksheesh_,
+
+of course, enters largely into these public entertainments; and the
+man who omits to fee the waiter in advance, as a rule, "gets left."
+Bookmakers and others who go racing are the greatest sinners in this
+respect. A well-known magnate of the betting-ring (1896) invariably,
+after arriving at an hotel, hunts up the _chef_, and sheds upon him a
+"fiver," or a "tenner," according to the size of the house, and the
+repute of its cookery. And that metallician and his party are not
+likely to starve during their stay, whatever may be the fate of those
+who omit to "remember" the Commissariat Department. I have seen the
+same bookmaker carry, with his own hands, the remains of a great dish
+of "Hot-pot" into the dining-room of his neighbours, who had been
+ringing for a waiter, and clamouring for food for the best part of an
+hour, without effect.
+
+The same system prevails aboard ship; and the passenger who has not
+propitiated the head steward at the commencement of the voyage will
+not fare sumptuously. The steamship companies may deny this statement;
+but 'tis true nevertheless.
+
+
+                           _Dinner Afloat._
+
+Here is an average dinner-card during a life on the ocean wave:
+
+     Julienne soup, boiled salmon with shrimp sauce, roast
+     beef and Yorkshire pudding, jugged hare, French beans _à la
+     Maître d'Hôtel_, chicken curry, roast turkey with _purée_ of
+     chestnuts, _fanchouettes_ (what are they?), sausage rolls,
+     greengage tarts, plum-puddings, lemon-jellies, biscuits and
+     cheese, fruit, coffee.
+
+Plenty of variety here, though some epicures might resent the presence
+of a sausage-roll (the common or railway-station bag of mystery)
+on the dinner table. But since the carriage of live stock aboard
+passenger ships has been abandoned, the living is not nearly as good;
+for, as before observed, the tendency of the ice-house is to make all
+flesh taste alike. Civilisation has, doubtless, done wonders for us;
+but most people prefer mutton to have a flavour distinct from that of
+beef.
+
+My
+
+
+                            _Ideal Dinner_
+
+was partaken of in a little old-fashioned hostelry (at the west
+end of London), whose name the concentrated efforts of all the wild
+horses in the world would not extract. Familiarity breeds contempt,
+and publicity oft kills that which is brought to light. Our host was a
+wine-merchant in a large way of business.
+
+"I can only promise you plain food, good sirs," he mentioned, in
+advance--"no foreign kick-shaws; but everything done to a turn."
+
+Six of us started with clear turtle, followed by a thick wedge out of
+the middle of a patriarchal codfish, with plenty of liver. And here a
+pause must be made. In not one cookery-book known to mankind can be
+found a recipe for cooking the
+
+
+                          _Liver of a Cod_.
+
+Of course it should not be cooked _with_ the fish, but in a separate
+vessel. The writer once went the rounds of the kitchens to obtain
+information on this point.
+
+"'Bout half-an-hour," said one cook, a "hard-bitten" looking
+food-spoiler.
+
+"_Ma foi!_ I cook not at all the liver of the cod," said an unshorn
+son of Normandy. "He is for the _malade_ only."
+
+After asking a number of questions, and a journey literally "round the
+town," the deduction made from the various answers was that a piece of
+liver enough for six people would take eighteen minutes, after being
+placed in _boiling_ water.
+
+To continue with our dinner. No sauce with the oysters, but these
+simply scalded in their own liquor. Then came on a monster steak, an
+inch thick, cut from the rump immediately before being placed on the
+gridiron. And here a word on the grilling of a steak. We English place
+it nearer the fire than do our lively neighbours, whose grills do not,
+in consequence, present that firm surface which is the charm of an
+English steak. The late Mr. Godfrey Turner of the _Daily Telegraph_
+(who was almost as great an authority as Mr. Sala on gastronomies)
+once observed to the writer, "Never turn your steak, or chop, more
+than once." Though by no means a disciple of _Ala_, he was evidently
+a believer in the French method of grilling, which leaves a sodden,
+flabby surface on the meat. The French cook only turns a steak once;
+but if he had his gridiron as close to the fire as his English rival,
+the _chef_ would inevitably cremate his _morçeau d'boeuf_. I take
+it that in grilling, as in roasting, the meat should, in the first
+instance, almost touch the glowing embers.
+
+We had nothing but horse-radish with our steak, which was succeeded by
+golden plovers (about the best bird that flies) and marrow bones. And
+a dig into a ripe Stilton concluded a banquet which we would not have
+exchanged for the best efforts of Francatelli himself.
+
+Yes--despite the efforts of the bad fairy _Ala_, the English method
+of cooking good food--if deftly and properly employed--is a long way
+the better method. Unfortunately, through the fault of the English
+themselves, this method is but seldom employed deftly or properly.
+And at a cheap English eating-house the kitchen is usually as dirty
+and malodorous as at an inexpensive foreign restaurant. As both
+invariably serve as sleeping apartments during the silent watches of
+the night, this is, perhaps, not altogether to be wondered at.
+
+But there is one _plât_ in the French cookery book which is not to be
+sneered at, or even condemned with faint praise. A properly-dressed
+_fricandeau_ is a dainty morsel indeed. In fact the word _fricand_
+means, in English, "dainty." Here is the recipe of the celebrated
+_Gouffé_ for the FRICANDEAU:
+
+     Three pounds of veal fillet, trimmed, and larded with fat
+     bacon. Put in the glazing stewpan the trimmings, two ounces
+     of sliced carrot, two ditto onion, with pepper and salt. Lay
+     the _fricandeau_ on the top; add half a pint of broth; boil
+     the broth till it is reduced and becomes thick and yellow;
+     add a pint and a half more broth, and simmer for an hour and
+     a quarter--the stewpan half covered. Then close the stewpan
+     and put live coals on the top. Baste the _fricandeau_ with the
+     gravy--presumably after the removal of the dead coals--every
+     four minutes till it is sufficiently glazed; then take it out
+     and place on a dish. Strain the gravy, skim off the fat, and
+     pour over the meat. It may be added that a spirit lamp beneath
+     the dish is (or should be) _de rigueur_.
+
+In their clubs, those (alleged) "gilded saloons of profligacy and
+debauchery, favoured of the aristocracy," men, as a rule dine wisely,
+and well, and, moreover, cheaply. The extravagant diner-out, with
+his crude views on the eternal fitness of things, selects an hotel,
+or restaurant, in the which, although the food may be of the worst
+quality, and the cookery of the greasiest, the charges are certain to
+be on the millionaire scale. For bad dinners, like bad lodgings, are
+invariably the dearest.
+
+
+                         _At the Mess-Table_
+
+of the British officer there is not much riot or extravagance
+nowadays, and the food is but indifferently well cooked; though there
+was a time when the youngest cornet would turn up his nose at anything
+commoner than a "special _cuvée_" of champagne, and would unite with
+his fellows in the "bear-fight" which invariably concluded a "guest
+night," and during which the messman, or one of his myrmidons, was
+occasionally placed atop of the ante-room fire. And there was one
+messman who even preferred that mode of treatment to being lectured by
+his colonel. Said officer was starchy, punctilious, and long-winded,
+and upon one occasion, when the chaplain to the garrison was his guest
+at dinner, addressed the terrified servant somewhat after this wise:
+
+"Mr. Messman--I have this evening bidden to our feast this eminent
+divine, who prayeth daily that we may receive the fruits of the
+earth in due season; to which I, an humble layman, am in the habit
+of responding: 'We beseech thee to hear us, good Lord.' Mr. Messman,
+don't let me see those d----d figs on the table again."
+
+At a military guest-night in India, a turkey and a "Europe" ham
+are--or were--_de rigueur_ at table; and on the whole the warrior
+fares well, if the _khansamah_ do not attempt luxuries. His chicken
+cutlets are not despicable, and we can even forgive the repetition of
+the _vilolif_ but his _bifisteakishtoo_ (stewed steak) is usually too
+highly-spiced for the European palate. Later in the evening, however,
+he will come out strong with _duvlebone_, and grilled sardines in
+curlpapers. The presence of the bagpipes, in the mess-room of a
+Highland regiment, when men have well drunk, is cruelly unkind--to
+the Saxon guest at all events. The bagpipe is doubtless a melodious
+instrument (to trained ears), but its melodies are apt to "hum i' th'
+head o'er muckle ye ken," after a course of haggis washed down with
+sparkling wines and old port.
+
+"Tell me what a man eats," said Brillat Savarin, "and I'll tell you
+what he is."
+
+
+                          _Peter the Great_
+
+did not like the presence of "listening lacqueys" in the dining-room.
+Peter's favourite dinner was, like himself, peculiar: "A soup, with
+four cabbages in it; gruel; pig, with sour cream for sauce; cold roast
+meat with pickled cucumbers or salad; lemons and lamprey, salt meat,
+ham, and Limburg cheese."
+
+"Lemons and lamprey" must have had a roughish seat, atop of pig
+and sour cream. I once tasted lampreys--only once. It was in
+Worcestershire, and said lampreys were stewed (I fancy) in burgundy,
+and served in a small tureen--_en casserole_, our lively neighbours
+would have called the production, which was grateful, but much
+embarrassed with richness.
+
+
+                        _Napoleon the Great_,
+
+whose tastes were simple, is said to have preferred a broiled breast
+of mutton to any other dinner-dish. Napoleon III., however, encouraged
+extravagance of living; and Zola tells us in _Le Débâcle_ that the
+unfortunate emperor, ill as he was, used to sit down to so many
+courses of rich foods every night until "the downfall" arrived at
+Sédan, and that a train of cooks and scullions with (literally) a
+"_batterie_" _de cuisine_, was attached to his staff.
+
+
+                            _Her Majesty_
+
+Queen Victoria's dinner-table is invariably graced with a cold sirloin
+of beef, amongst other joints; and the same simple fare has satisfied
+the aspirations and gratified the palate of full many a celebrity. The
+great
+
+
+                         _Duke of Wellington_
+
+was partial to a well-made Irish stew; and nothing delighted Charles
+Dickens more than a slice out of the breast of a hot roast-goose.
+
+A word about the mushroom. Although said to be of enormous value in
+sauces and ragouts, I shall always maintain that the mushroom is best
+when eaten all by his quaint self. His flavour is so delicate that
+'tis pitiful to mix him with fish, flesh, or fowl--more especially
+the first-named. I have seen mushrooms and bacon cooked together,
+and I have seen beef-steak (cut into small pieces) and bacon cooked
+together, and it was with some difficulty that my Irish host got me
+out of the kitchen. If ever I am hanged, it will be for killing a
+cook. Above all never eat mushrooms which you have not seen in their
+uncooked state. The mushroom, like the truffle, loses more flavour the
+longer he is kept; and to "postpone" either is fatal.
+
+"The plainer the meal the longer the life." Thus an eminent
+physician--already mentioned in these pages. "We begin with soup, and
+perhaps a glass of cold punch, to be followed by a piece of turbot,
+or a slice of salmon with lobster sauce; and while the venison or
+South-down is getting ready, we toy with a piece of sweetbread, and
+mellow it with a bumper of Madeira. No sooner is the mutton or venison
+disposed of, with its never-failing accompaniments of jelly and
+vegetables, than we set the whole of it in a ferment with champagne,
+and drown it with hock and sauterne. These are quickly followed by the
+wing and breast of a partridge, or a bit of pheasant or wild duck;
+and when the stomach is all on fire with excitement, we cool it for
+an instant with a piece of iced pudding, and then immediately lash it
+into a fury with undiluted alcohol in the form of cognac or a strong
+liqueur; after which there comes a spoonful or so of jelly as an
+emollient, a morsel of ripe Stilton as a digestant, a piquant salad
+to whet the appetite for wine, and a glass of old port to persuade
+the stomach, if it can, into quietness. All these are more leisurely
+succeeded by dessert, with its baked meats, its fruits, and its strong
+drinks, to be afterwards muddled with coffee, and complicated into a
+rare mixture with tea, floating with the richest cream."
+
+Hoity, toity! And not a word about a French _plât_, or even a curry,
+either! But we must remember that this diatribe comes from a gentleman
+who has laid down the theory that cold water is not only the cheapest
+of beverages, but the best. Exception, too, may be taken to the
+statement that a "piquant salad" whets the appetite for wine. I had
+always imagined that a salad--and, indeed, anything with vinegar
+in its composition--rather spoilt the human palate for wine than
+otherwise. And what sort of "baked meats" are usually served with
+desert?
+
+
+                         _How the Poor Live._
+
+An esteemed friend who has seen better days, sends word how to dine a
+man, his wife, and three children for 7½d. He heads his letter
+
+
+                       _The Kent Road Cookery_.
+
+A stew is prepared with the following ingredients: 1 lb. bullock's
+cheek (3½d.), ½ pint white beans (1d.), ½ pint lentils (1d.),
+pot-herbs (1d.), 2 lb. potatoes (1d.)--Total 7½d.
+
+When he has friends, the banquet is more expensive: 1 lb. bullock's
+cheek (3½d.), ½ lb. cow-heel (2½d.), ½ lb. leg of beef (3d.), 1 pint
+white beans (2d.), ½ pint lentils (1d.), pot-herbs (1d.), 5 lb.
+potatoes (2d.)--total 1s. 3d.
+
+As we never know what may happen, the above _menus_ may come in useful.
+
+
+                      _Doctor Nansen's Banquet_
+
+on the ice-floe, to celebrate his failure to discover the Pole, was
+simple enough, at all events. But it would hardly commend itself to
+the _fin de siècle_ "Johnny." There was raw gull in it, by way of
+a full-flavoured combination of _poisson_ and _entrée_; there was
+meat chocolate in it, and peli--I should say, pemmican. There were
+pancakes, made of oatmeal and dog's blood, fried in seal's blubber.
+And I rather fancy the _relevé_ was _Chien au nature_. For in his most
+interesting work, _Across Greenland_, Doctor Nansen has inserted the
+statement that the man who turns his nose up at raw dog for dinner is
+unfit for an Arctic expedition. For my own poor part, I would take my
+chance with a Porterhouse steak, cut from a Polar bear.
+
+
+                            _Prison Fare._
+
+Another simple meal. Any visitor to one of H.M. penitentiaries may
+have noticed in the cells a statement to the effect that "beans
+and bacon" may be substituted for meat, for the convicts' dinners,
+on certain days. "Beans and bacon" sounds rural, if not absolutely
+bucolic. "Fancy giving such good food to the wretches!" once exclaimed
+a lady visitor. But those who have sampled the said "beans and bacon"
+say that it is hardly to be preferred to the six ounces of Australian
+dingo or the coarse suet-duff (plumless) which furnish the ordinary
+prison dinner. For the tablespoonful of pappy beans with which the
+captive staves off starvation are of the _genus_ "haricot"; and the
+parallelogram of salted hog's-flesh which accompanies the beans does
+not exceed, in size, the ordinary railway ticket.
+
+
+
+
+                              CHAPTER X
+
+                              VEGETABLES
+
+                        "Herbs and other country messes,
+                Which the neat-handed Phyllis dresses."
+
+     Use and abuse of the potato--Its eccentricities--Its
+     origin--Hawkins, not Raleigh, introduced it into
+     England--With or without the "jacket"?--Don't let it be
+     _à-la_-ed--Benevolence and large-heartedness of the cabbage
+     family--Peas on earth--Pythagoras on the bean--"Giving him
+     beans"--"Haricot" a misnomer--"Borston" beans--Frijoles--The
+     carrot--Crécy soup--The Prince of Wales--The Black Prince and
+     the King of Bohemia.
+
+
+Item, the POTATO, earth-apple, murphy, or spud; the most useful, as
+well as the most exasperating gift of a bountiful Providence. Those
+inclined to obesity may skip the greater part of this chapter. You can
+employ a potato for almost anything. It comes in very handy for the
+manufacture of starch, sugar, Irish stew, Scotch whisky, and Colorado
+beetles. Cut it in half, and with one half you restore an old master,
+and with the other drive the cat from the back garden. More deadly
+battles have been waged over the proper way to cook a potato, than
+over a parish boundary, or an Irish eviction. Strong-headed men hurl
+the spud high in air, and receive and fracture it on their frontal
+bones; whilst a juggler like Paul Cinquevalli can do what he likes
+with it. Worn inside the pocket, it is an infallible cure for chronic
+rheumatism, fits, and tubercular meningitis. Worn inside the body it
+will convert a living skeleton into a Daniel Lambert. Plant potatoes
+in a game district, and if they come up you will find that after
+the haulms have withered you can capture all your rich neighbour's
+pheasants, and half the partridges in the country. A nicely-baked
+potato, deftly placed beneath the root of his tail, will make the
+worst "jibber" in the world travel; whilst, when combined with
+buttermilk, and a modicum of meal, the earth-apple has been known to
+nourish millions of the rising generation, and to give them sufficient
+strength and courage to owe their back rents, and accuracy of aim for
+exterminating the brutal owner of the soil.
+
+The waiter, bless ye! the harmless, flat-footed waiter, doesn't know
+all this. Potatoes to him are simply 2d. or 3d. in the little account,
+according to whether they be "biled, mash, or soty"; and if questioned
+as to the natural history of the floury tuber, he would probably
+assume an air of injured innocence, and assure you that during his
+reign of "thirty-five year, man and boy," that establishment had
+"never 'ad no complaints."
+
+The potato is most eccentric in disposition, and its cultivator should
+know by heart the beautiful ode of Horace which commences
+
+    _Aequam memento rebus in arduis_ . . .
+
+The experiences of the writer as a potato grower have been somewhat
+mixed, and occasionally like the following:--Set your snowflakes in
+deeply-trenched, heavily-manured ground, a foot apart. In due time
+you will get a really fine crop of groundsel, charlock, and slugs,
+with enough bind-weed to strangle the sea-serpent. Clear all this
+rubbish off, and after a week or two the eye will be gladdened with
+the sight of the delicate green leaf of the tuber peeping through
+the soil. Slow music. Enter the Earl of Frost. No; they will not
+_all_ be cut off. You will get _one_ tuber. Peel it carefully, and
+place it in the pig-stye--the peeling spoils the quality of the pork.
+Throw the peeling away--on the bed in which you have sown annuals for
+choice--and in the late Spring you will have a row of potatoes which
+will do you credit.
+
+But this is frivolous. The origin of the potato is doubtful; but
+that it was used by the ancients, in warfare, is tolerably certain.
+Long before the Spaniards reached the New World it was cultivated
+largely by the Incas; and it was the Spaniards who brought the tuber
+to Europe, in the beginning of the sixteenth century. It was brought
+to England from Virginia by Sir John Hawkins in 1563; and again in
+1586 by Sir Francis Drake, to whom, as the introducer of the potato,
+a statue was erected at Offenburg, in Baden, in 1853. In schools and
+other haunts of ignorance, the credit for the introduction of the
+tuber used to be and is (I believe) still given to Sir Walter Raleigh,
+who has been wrongly accredited with as many "good things" as have
+been Theodore Hook or Sidney Smith. And I may mention _en parenthèse_,
+that I don't entirely believe that cloak story. For many years the
+tuber was known in England as the "Batata"--overhaul your _Lorna
+Doone_--and in France, until the close of the eighteenth century, the
+earth apple was looked upon with suspicion, as the cause of leprosy
+and assorted fevers; just as the tomato, at the close of the more
+civilised nineteenth century, is said by the vulgar and swine-headed
+to breed cancer.
+
+Now then, With or without the jacket? And the reader who imagines
+that I am going to answer the question has too much imagination. As
+the old butler in Wilkie Collins's _The Moonstone_ observes, there is
+much to be said on both sides. Personally I lean to the "no-jacket"
+side, unless the tuber be baked; and I would make it penal to serve
+a potato in any other way than boiled, steamed, or baked.[5] The bad
+fairy _Ala_ should have no hand in its manipulation; and there be
+few æsthetic eaters who would not prefer the old-fashioned "ball of
+flour" to slices of the sodden article swimming in a bath of grease
+and parsley, and called a _Sauté_. The horrible concoction yclept
+"preserved potatoes," which used to be served out aboard sailing
+vessels, after the passengers had eaten all the real articles, and
+which tasted like bad pease-pudding dressed with furniture polish, is,
+happily, deceased. And the best potatoes, the same breed which our
+fathers and our forefathers munched in the Covent Garden "Cave of
+Harmony," grow, I am credibly informed, in Jermyn Street. Moreover if
+you wish to spoil a dish of good spuds, there is no surer way than by
+leaving on the dish-cover. So much for boiling 'em--or steaming 'em.
+
+The CABBAGE is a fine, friendly fellow, who makes himself at home,
+and generally useful, in the garden; whilst his great heart swells,
+and swells, in the full knowledge that he is doing his level best
+to please all. Though cut down in the springtime of his youth, his
+benevolence is so great that he will sprout again from his headless
+trunk, if required, and given time for reflection. The Romans
+introduced him into Great Britain, but there was a sort of cow-cabbage
+in the island before that time which our blue forefathers used to
+devour with their bacon, and steaks, in a raw state.
+
+"The most evolved and final variety of the cabbage," writes a
+_savant_, "is the CAULIFLOWER, in which the vegetative surplus becomes
+poured into the flowering head, of which the flowering is more or less
+checked; the inflorescence becoming a dense corymb instead of an open
+panicle, and the majority of the flowers aborting"--the head gardener
+usually tells you all this in the Scottish language--"so as to become
+incapable of producing seed. Let a specially vegetative cabbage
+repeat the excessive development of its leaf parenchyma, and we have
+the wrinkled and blistered SAVOY, of which the hardy constitution,
+but comparative coarseness, become also more intelligible; again a
+specially vegetative cauliflower gives us an easily grown and hardy
+winter variety, BROCCOLI"--_Broccilo_ in Costerese--"from which, and
+not from the ordinary cauliflower, a sprouting variety arises in turn."
+
+In Jersey the cabbage-stalks are dried, varnished, and used as spars
+for thatched roofs, as also for the correction of the youthful
+population. Cook all varieties of the cabbage in water already at the
+boil, with a little salt and soda in it. The French sprinkle cheese on
+a cauliflower, to make it more tasty, and it then becomes
+
+
+                        _Choufleur aû Gratin_.
+
+     Remove the green leaves, and _underboil_ your cauliflower.
+     Pour over it some butter sauce in which have been mixed two
+     ounces of grated cheese--half Gruyère and half Parmesan. Powder
+     with bread crumbs, or raspings, and with more grated cheese.
+     Lastly, pour over it a teaspoonful of oiled butter. Place in
+     a hot oven and bake till the surface is a golden brown, which
+     should be in from ten to fifteen minutes. Serve in same dish.
+
+Vegetarians should be particularly careful to soak every description
+of cabbage in salt and water before cooking. Otherwise the vegetarians
+will probably eat a considerable portion of animal food.
+
+Here occurs an opportunity for the recipe for an elegant dish, which
+the French call _Perdrix aux Choux_, which is simply
+
+
+                _Partridge Stewed with Cabbage, etc._
+
+     A brace of birds browned in the stewpan with butter or
+     good dripping, and a portion of a hand of pickled pork in small
+     pieces, some chopped onion and a clove or two. Add some broth,
+     two carrots (chopped), a bay-leaf, and a chopped sausage or
+     two. Then add a Savoy cabbage, cut into quarters, and seasoned
+     with pepper and salt. Let all simmer together for an hour and a
+     half. Then drain the cabbage, and place it, squashed down, on a
+     dish. Arrange the birds in the middle, surround them with the
+     pieces of pork and sausage, and pour over all the liquor from
+     the stew.
+
+This is an excellent dish, and savours more of Teutonic than of French
+cooking. But you mustn't tell a Frenchman this, if he be bigger than
+yourself.
+
+The toothsome PEA has been cultivated in the East from time
+immemorial, though the ancient Greeks and Romans do not appear to
+have had knowledge of such a dainty. Had Vitellius known the virtues
+of duck and green peas he would probably have not been so wrapt up in
+his favourite dormice, stuffed with poppy-seed and stewed in honey.
+The ancient Egyptians knew all about the little pulse, and not one
+of the leaders of society was mummified without a pod or two being
+placed amongst his wrappings. And after thousand of years said peas,
+when sown, have been known to germinate. The mummy pea-plant, however,
+but seldom bears fruit. Our idiotic ancestors, the ancient Britons,
+knew nothing about peas, nor do any of their descendants appear to
+have troubled about the vegetable before the reign of the Virgin
+Queen. Then they were imported from Holland, together with schnapps,
+curaçoa, and other things, and no "swagger" banquet was held without a
+dish of "fresh-shelled 'uns," which were accounted "fit dainties for
+ladies, they came so far and cost so dear." In England up-to-date peas
+are frequently accompanied by pigeon pie at table; the dove family
+being especially partial to the little pulse, either when attached
+to the haulm, in the garden, or in a dried state. So that the crafty
+husbandman, who possesses a shot gun, frequently gathereth both pea
+and pigeon. A chalky soil is especially favourable to pea cultivation;
+and deal sawdust sprinkled well over the rows immediately after the
+setting of the seed will frustrate the knavish tricks of the field
+mouse, who also likes peas. The man who discovered the affinity
+between mint and this vegetable ought to have received a gold medal,
+and I would gladly attend the execution of the caitiff who invented
+the tinned peas which we get at the foreign restaurants, at three
+times the price of the English article.
+
+Here is a good simple recipe for PEA SOUP, made from the dried article:
+
+     Soak a quart of split peas in rain-water for twelve hours.
+     Put them in the pot with one carrot, one onion, one leek, a
+     sprig or two of parsley (all chopped), one pound of streaky
+     bacon, and three quarts of the liquor in which either beef,
+     mutton, pork, or poultry may have been boiled. Boil for nearly
+     three hours, remove the bacon, and strain the soup through a
+     tammy. Heat up, and serve with dried mint, and small cubes of
+     fat bacon fried crisp.
+
+GREEN-PEA SOUP is made in precisely the same way; but the peas will
+not need soaking beforehand, and thrifty housewives put in the shells
+as well.
+
+Harmless and nutritious a vegetable as the BEAN would appear to be, it
+did not altogether find favour with the ancients. Pythagoras, who had
+quaint ideas on the subject of the human soul, forbade his disciples
+to eat beans, because they were generated in the foul ooze out of
+which man was created. Lucian, who had a vivid imagination, describes
+a philosopher in Hades who was particularly hard on the bean, to eat
+which he declared was as great a crime as to eat one's father's head.
+And yet Lucian was accounted a man of common sense in his time. The
+Romans only ate beans at funerals, being under the idea that the
+souls of the dead abode in the vegetable. According to tradition,
+the "caller herrin'" hawked in the streets of Edinburgh were once
+known as "lives o' men," from the risks run by the fishermen. And the
+Romans introduced the bean into England by way of cheering up our
+blue forefathers. In the Roman festival of Lemuralia, the father of
+the family was accustomed to throw black beans over his head, whilst
+repeating an incantation. This ceremony probably inspired Lucian's
+philosopher--for whom, however, every allowance should be made, when
+we come to consider his place of residence--with his jaundiced views
+of the _Faba vulgaris_. Curiously enough, amongst the vulgar folk, at
+the present day, there would seem to be some sort of prejudice against
+the vegetable; or why should "I'll give him beans" be a synonymous
+threat with "I'll do him all the mischief I can?"
+
+There is plenty of nourishment in a bean; that is the opinion of the
+entire medical faculty. And whilst beans and bacon make a favourite
+summer repast for the farm-labourer and his family, the dish is also
+(at the commencement of the bean season) to be met with at the tables
+of the wealthy. The aroma of the flower of the broad bean was once
+compared, in one of John Leech's studies in _Punch_, to "the most
+delicious 'air oil," but, apart from this fragrance, there is but
+little sentiment about the _Faba vulgaris_. A much more graceful
+vegetable is the _Phaseolus vulgaris_, the kidney, or, as the idiotic
+French call it, the _haricot_ bean. It is just as sensible to call
+a leg of Welsh mutton a _pré salé_, or salt meadow. No well-behaved
+hashed venison introduces himself to our notice unless accompanied by
+a dish of kidney beans. And few people in Europe besides Frenchmen and
+convicts eat the dried seeds of this form of bean, which is frequently
+sown in suburban gardens to form a fence to keep out cats. But the
+suburban cat knows a trick worth a dozen of that one; and no bean that
+was ever born will arrest his progress, or turn him from his evil
+ways. It is criminal to smother the kidney bean with melted butter at
+table. A little oil, vinegar, and pepper agree with him much better.
+
+In the great continent of America, the kidney-bean seed, dried,
+is freely partaken of. Pork and "Borston" beans, in fact, form
+the national dish, and right good it is. But do not attempt any
+violent exercise after eating the same. The Mexicans are the largest
+bean-eaters in the world. They fry the vegetables in oil or stew
+them with peppers and onions, and these _frijoles_ form the principal
+sustenance of the lower orders. An English "bean feast" (Vulg.
+_beano_) is a feast at which no beans, and not many other things, are
+eaten. The intelligent foreigner may take it that _beano_ simply means
+the worship of Bacchus.
+
+With the exception of the onion there is no more useful aid to
+cookery of all sorts than the lowly carrot, which was introduced
+into England--no, not by the Romans--from Holland, in the sixteenth
+century. And the ladies who attended the court of Charles I. were in
+the habit of wearing carrot leaves in the hair, and on their court
+robes, instead of feathers. A similar fashion might be revived at the
+present epoch, with advantage to the banking account of vile man.
+
+As the Flemish gardeners brought over the roots, we should not despise
+carrots cooked in the FLEMISH way. Simmer some young carrots in
+butter, with pepper and salt. Add cream (or milk and yolk of eggs), a
+pinch of sugar, and a little chopped parsley.
+
+H.R.H. the Prince of Wales, according to report, invariably eats
+carrot soup on the 26th of August. The French call it "CRÉCY" soup,
+because their best carrots grow there; and Crécy it may be remembered
+was also the scene of a great battle, when one Englishman proved
+better than five Frenchmen. In this battle the Black Prince performed
+prodigies of valour, afterwards assuming the crest of the late
+Bohemian King--three ostrich feathers (surely these should be carrot
+tops?) with the motto "_Ich Dien_."
+
+
+                            _Crécy Soup._
+
+     Place a mirepoix of white wine in the pot, and put a
+     quantity of sliced carrots atop. Moisten with broth, and keep
+     simmering till the carrots are done. Then pour into a mortar,
+     pound, and pass through a tammy. Thin it with more broth,
+     sweeten in the proportion of one tablespoonful of sugar to two
+     gallons of soup; heat up, pop a little butter in at the finish,
+     and in serving it add either small cubes of fried bread, or
+     rice boiled as for curry (see page 145).
+
+
+
+
+                              CHAPTER XI
+
+                       VEGETABLES (_continued_)
+
+                "Earth's simple fruits; we all enjoy them.
+                 Then why with sauces rich alloy them?"
+
+     The brief lives of the best--A vegetable with a
+     pedigree--Argenteuil--The Elysian Fields--The tomato the
+     emblem of love--"Neeps"--Spinach--"Stomach-brush"--The
+     savoury tear-provoker--Invaluable for wasp-stings--Celery
+     merely cultivated "smallage"--The "_Apium_"--The parsnip--O
+     Jerusalem!--The golden sunflower--How to get pheasants--A
+     vegetarian banquet--"Swelling wisibly."
+
+
+It is one of the most exasperating laws and ordinations of Nature
+that the nicest things shall last the shortest time. "Whom the gods
+love die young," is an ancient proverb; and the produce of the garden
+which is most agreeable to man invariably gives out too soon. Look at
+peas. Every gardener of worth puts in the seed so that you may get the
+different rows of marrow-fats and telephones and _ne plus ultras_ in
+"succession"; and up they all come, at one and the same time, whilst,
+if you fail to pick them all at once, the combined efforts of mildew
+and the sun will soon save you the labour of picking them at all.
+Look at strawberries; and why can't they stay in our midst all the
+year round, like the various members of the cabbage family?
+
+Then look at ASPARAGUS. The gardener who could persuade the heads of
+this department to pop up in succession, from January to December
+would earn more money than the Prime Minister. The favourite vegetable
+of the ancient Romans was introduced by them, with their accustomed
+unselfishness, into Britain, where it has since flourished--more
+particularly in the alluvial soil of the Thames valley in the
+neighbourhood of Mortlake and Richmond, ground which is also
+especially favourable to the growth of celery. In an ancient work
+called _De Re Rustica_, Cato the Elder, who was born 234 B.C., has
+much to say--far more, indeed, than I can translate without the aid of
+a dictionary or "crib"--about the virtues and proper cultivation of
+asparagus; and Pliny, another noble Roman, devotes several chapters of
+his _Natural History_ (published at the commencement of the Christian
+era) to the same subject. "Of all the productions of your garden" says
+this Mr. Pliny, "your chief care will be your asparagus." And the
+cheerful and sanguine householder of to-day who sows his asparagus,
+and expects to get it "while he waits" has ample consolation for
+disappointment in the reflection that his labours will benefit
+posterity, if not the next tenant.
+
+The foreigners can beat us for size, in the matter of asparagus; but
+ours is a long way in front for flavour. In France the vegetable is
+very largely grown at Argenteuil on the Seine, a district which has
+also produced, and still produces, a wine which is almost as dangerous
+to man as hydrocyanic acid, and which was invariably served in the
+restaurants, after the sitting had been a lengthy one, no matter what
+special brand might have been ordered. English hosts play the same
+game with their "military" ports and inferior sherries. The Argenteuil
+asparagus is now grown between the vines--at least 1000 acres are in
+cultivation--hence the peculiar flavour which, however grateful it
+may be to Frenchmen, is somewhat sickly and not to be compared with
+that of the "little gentleman in Green," nearly the whole of whom we
+English can consume with safety to digestion.
+
+According to Greek mythology, asparagus grew in the Elysian fields;
+but whether the blessed took oil and vinegar with it, or the
+"bill-sticker's paste," so favoured in middle-class kitchens of
+to-day, there is no record. It goes best, however, with a plain salad
+dressing--a "spot" of mustard worked into a tablespoonful of oil, and
+a dessert-spoonful of tarragon vinegar, with pepper and salt _ad lib_.
+
+Asparagus is no longer known in the British pharmacopoeia, but the
+French make large medicinal use of its root, which is supposed
+to still the action of the heart, like foxglove, and to act as a
+preventive of calculi. In cooking the vegetable, tie in small bundles,
+which should be stood on end in the saucepan, so that the delicate
+heads should be _steamed_, and not touched by the boiling water. Many
+cooks will contest this point; which, however, does not admit of
+argument.
+
+There was once a discussion in a well-known hostelry, as to whether the
+
+
+                               _Tomato_
+
+was a fruit or a vegetable. Eventually the head-waiter was invited to
+solve the great question. He did so on the spot.
+
+"Tumarter, sir? Tumarter's a hextra."
+
+And as a "hextra" it has never since that period ceased to be
+regarded. A native of South America, the plant was introduced into
+Europe by the Spaniards, late in the sixteenth century, and the
+English got it in 1596. Still until a quarter of a century ago the
+tomato has not been largely cultivated, save by the market gardener;
+in fact in private gardens it was conspicuous by its absence. Those
+who eat it do _not_ invariably succumb to cancer; and the dyspeptic
+should always keep it on the premises. As the tomato is also known as
+the "love-apple," a great point was missed by our old friend Sergeant
+Buzfuz, in the celebrated Bardell v. Pickwick trial, when referring to
+the postscript, "chops, and tomato sauce." Possibly Charles Dickens
+was not an authority on veget---- I beg pardon, "hextras."
+
+Here is a French recipe for
+
+
+                         _Tomate au Gratin_:
+
+     Cut open the tops and scoop out the pulp. Pass it through
+     a sieve, to clear away the pips, and mix with it either a
+     modicum of butter, or oil, some chopped shalot and garlic, with
+     pepper and salt. Simmer the mixture for a quarter of an hour,
+     then stir in some bread-crumbs, previously soaked in broth, and
+     some yolks of egg. When cold, fill the tomato skins with the
+     mixture, shake some fine bread raspings over each, and bake in
+     quick oven for ten or twelve minutes.
+
+The
+
+
+                               _Turnip_
+
+is not, as might be sometimes imagined, entirely composed of
+compressed deal splinters, but is a vegetable which was cultivated in
+India long before the Britons got it. The Scotch call turnips "neeps";
+but the Scotch will do anything. Probably no member of the vegetable
+family is so great a favourite with the insect pests sent on earth by
+an all-wise Providence to prevent mankind having too much to eat. But
+see that you get a few turnips to cook when there is roast duck for
+dinner.
+
+
+                              _Spinach_
+
+was introduced into Spain by the Arabs, and as neither nation
+possessed at that time, at all events, the attribute of
+extra-cleanliness, they must have eaten a great deal of "matter in
+the wrong place," otherwise known as dirt. For if ever there was a
+vegetable the preparation of which for table would justify any cook in
+giving notice to leave, it is spinach.
+
+The Germans have nick-named it "stomach-brush," and there is no plant
+growing which conduces more to the health of man. But there has been
+more trouble over the proper way to serve it at table than over
+Armenia. The French chop up their _épinards_ and mix butter, or gravy,
+with the mess. Many English, on the other hand, prefer the leaves
+cooked whole. It is all a matter of taste.
+
+But I seem to scent a soft, sweet fragrance in the air, a homely and
+health-giving reek, which warns me that I have too long neglected to
+touch upon the many virtues of the
+
+
+                               _Onion_.
+
+Indigenous to India in the form of
+
+
+                               _Garlic_
+
+(or _gar-leek_, the original onion), the Egyptians got hold of the
+tear-provoker and cultivated it 2000 years before the Christian era.
+So that few of the mortals of whom we have ever read can have been
+ignorant of the uses of the onion, or _gar-leek_. But knowledge and
+practice have enabled modern gardeners to produce larger bulbs than
+even the most imaginative of the ancients can have dreamt of. To
+mention all the uses to which the onion is put in the kitchen would be
+to write a book too weighty for any known motive power to convey to
+the British Museum; but it may be briefly observed of the juice of the
+_Cepa_ that it is invaluable for almost any purpose, from flavouring a
+dish fit to set before a king, to the alleviation of the inflammation
+caused by the poison-bearing needle which the restless wasp keeps for
+use within his, or her, tail. In fact, the inhabited portion of the
+globe had better be without noses than without onions.
+
+Like the tomato, CELERY is a "hextra"--and a very important one.
+If you buy the heads at half-a-crown per hundred and sell them at
+threepence a portion, it will not exercise your calculating powers to
+discover the profits which can be made out of this simple root. Celery
+is simply cultivated "smallage"; a weed which has existed in Britain
+since the age of ice. It was the Italians who made the discovery that
+educated smallage would become celery; and it is worthy of note that
+their forefathers, the conquerors of the world, with the Greeks, seem
+to have known "no touch of it"--as a relish, at all events; though
+some writers will have it that the "Apium," with which the victors at
+the Isthmian and other games were crowned was not parsley but the leaf
+of the celery plant. But what does it matter? Celery is invaluable as
+a flavourer, and when properly cultivated, and not stringy, a most
+delightful and satisfactory substance to bite. In fact a pretty woman
+never shows to more advantage than when nibbling a crisp, "short" head
+of celery--provided she possess pretty teeth.
+
+With boiled turkey, or ditto pheasant, celery sauce is _de rigueur_;
+and it should be flavoured slightly with slices of onion, an ounce of
+butter being allowed to every head of celery. The French are fond of
+it stewed; and as long as the flavour of the gravy, or _jus_, does not
+disguise the flavour of the celery, it is excellent when thus treated.
+Its merits in a salad will be touched upon in another chapter.
+
+The PARSNIP is a native of England, where it is chiefly used to make
+an inferior kind of spirit, or a dreadful brand of wine. Otherwise few
+people would trouble to cultivate the parsnip; for we can't be having
+boiled pork or salt fish for dinner every day. The VEGETABLE MARROW
+is a member of the pumpkin family and is a comparatively tasteless
+occupant of the garden, its appearance in which heralds the departure
+of summer. In the suburbs, if you want to annoy the people next door,
+you cannot do better than put in a marrow plant or two. If they come
+to anything, and get plenty of water, they will crawl all over your
+neighbour's premises; and unless he is fond of the breed, and cuts
+and cooks them, they make him mad. The frugal housewife, blessed
+with a large family, makes jam of the surplus marrows; but I prefer
+a conserve of apricot, gooseberry, or greengage. Another purpose to
+which to put this vegetable is--
+
+     Scoop out the seeds, after cutting it in half, lengthways.
+     Fill the space with minced veal (cooked), small cubes of
+     bacon, and plenty of seasoning--some people add the yoke of an
+     egg--put on the other half marrow, and bake for half-an-hour.
+
+This BAKED MARROW is a cheap and homely dish which, like many another
+savoury dish, seldom finds its way to the rich man's dining-room.
+
+The ARTICHOKE is a species of thistle; and the man who pays the usual
+high-toned restaurant prices for the pleasure of eating such insipid
+food, is an--never mind what. Boil the thing in salt and water, and
+dip the ends of the leaves in oil and vinegar, or Holland sauce,
+before eating. Then you will enjoy the really fine flavour of the--oil
+and vinegar, or Holland sauce.
+
+The so-called JERUSALEM ARTICHOKE is really a species of sunflower.
+Its tuber is not a universal favourite, though it possesses far from a
+coarse flavour. The plant has nothing whatever to do with Jerusalem,
+and never had. Put a tuber or two into your garden, and you will
+have Jerusalem artichokes as long as you live on those premises.
+For the vegetable will stay with you as long as the gout, or the
+rate-gatherer. Pheasants are particularly partial to this sort of crop.
+
+By far the best vegetable production of the gorgeous East is the
+
+
+                              _Brinjal_
+
+'Tis oval in shape, and about the size of a hen's egg, the surface
+being purple in colour. It is usually cut in twain and done "on the
+grating"; I have met something very like the _brinjal_ in Covent
+Garden; but can find no record of the vegetable's pedigree in any book.
+
+Although there are still many vegetarian restaurants in our large
+towns, the prejudice against animal food is, happily, dying out; and
+if ridicule could kill, we should not hear much more of the "cranks"
+who with delightful inconsistency, would spurn a collop of beef, and
+gorge themselves on milk, in every shape and form. If milk, butter,
+and cheese be not animal food I should like to know what is? And
+it is as reasonable to ask a man to sustain life on dried peas and
+mushrooms as to feed a tiger on cabbages.
+
+Once, and only once, has the writer attempted a
+
+
+                        _Vegetarian Banquet_.
+
+It was savoury enough; and possessed the additional merit of being
+cheap. Decidedly "filling at the price" was that meal. We--I had a
+messmate--commenced with (alleged) Scotch broth--which consisted
+principally of dried peas, pearl barley, and oatmeal--and a large
+slice of really excellent brown bread was served, to each, with this
+broth. Thereupon followed a savoury stew of onions and tomatoes,
+relieved by a "savoury pie," apparently made from potatoes, leeks,
+bread crumbs, butter, and "postponed" mushrooms. We had "gone
+straight" up to now, but both shied a bit at the maccaroni and grated
+cheese. We had two bottles of ginger beer apiece, with this dinner,
+which cost less than three shillings for the two, after the dapper
+little waitress had been feed. On leaving, we both agreed to visit
+that cleanly and well-ordered little house again, if only from motives
+of economy; but within half an hour that programme was changed.
+
+Like the old lady at the tea-drinking, I commenced to "swell wisibly";
+and so did my companion.
+
+"Mon alive!" he gasped. "I feel just for all the wor-rld like a
+captive balloon, or a puffy-dunter--that's a puffing whale, ye ken.
+I'll veesit yon onion-hoose nae mair i' ma life!"
+
+And I think it cost us something like half a sovereign in old brandy
+to neutralise the effects of that vegetarian banquet.
+
+
+
+
+                             CHAPTER XII
+
+                               CURRIES
+
+                "Thou com'st in such a questionable shape
+                 That I will speak to thee."
+
+     Different modes of manufacture--The "native" fraud--"That
+     man's family"--The French _kari_--A Parsee curry--"The oyster
+     in the sauce"--Ingredients--Malay curry--Locusts--When to
+     serve--What to curry--Prawn curry--Dry curry, a champion
+     recipe--Rice--The Bombay duck.
+
+
+The poor Indian grinds his coriander seeds, green ginger, and other
+ingredients between two large flat stones; taking a whiff at the
+family "hubble-bubble" pipe at intervals. The frugal British housewife
+purchases (alleged) curry powder in the warehouse of Italy--where it
+may have lived on, like Claudian, "through the centuries"--stirs a
+spoonful or two into the hashed mutton, surrounds it with a wall of
+clammy rice, and calls it BENARES CURRY, made from the recipe of a
+very dear uncle who met his death while tiger-shooting. And you will
+be in the minority if you do not cut this savoury meat with a knife,
+and eat potatoes, and very often cabbage, with it. The far-seeing
+eating-house keeper corrals a _Lascar_ or a discharged _Mehtar_ into
+the firm, gives him his board, a pound a month, and a clean _puggaree_
+and _Kummerbund_ daily, and "stars" him in the bill as an "Indian
+_chef_, fresh from the Chowringhee Club, Calcutta." And it is part of
+the duties of this Oriental--supposed by the unwary to be at least a
+prince in his native land--to hand the portions of curry, which he
+may or may not have concocted, to the appreciative guests, who enjoy
+the repast all the more from having the scent of the Hooghly brought
+across the footlights. I was once sadly and solemnly reproved by the
+head waiter of a very "swagger" establishment indeed for sending away,
+after one little taste, the (alleged) curry which had been handed me
+by an exile from Ind, in snow-white raiment.
+
+"You really ought to have eaten that, sir," said the waiter, "for that
+man's family have been celebrated curry-makers for generations."
+
+I smole a broad smile. In the Land of the Moguls the very babies who
+roll in the dust know the secret of curry-making. But that "that man"
+had had any hand in the horrible concoction placed before me I still
+resolutely decline to believe. And how can a man be cook and waiter at
+the same time? The "native curry-maker," depend on it, is more or less
+of a fraud; and his aid is only invoked as an excuse for overcharging.
+
+At the Oriental Club are served, or used to be served, really
+excellent curries, assorted; for as there be more ways than one of
+killing a cat, so are there more curries than one. The French turn
+out a horrible mixture, with parsley and mushrooms in it, which they
+call _kari_; it is called by a still worse name on the Boulevards, and
+the children of our lively neighbours are frequently threatened with
+it by their nurses.
+
+On the whole, the East Indian method is the best; and the most
+philanthropic curry I ever tasted was one which my own _Khitmughar_
+had just prepared, with infinite pains, for his own consumption. The
+poor heathen had prospected a feast, as it was one of his numerous
+"big days"; so, despising the homely _dhal_, on the which, with a
+plate of rice and a modicum of rancid butter, he was wont to sustain
+existence, he had manufactured a savoury mess of pottage, the looks
+of which gratified me. So, at the risk of starting another Mutiny, it
+was ordained that the slave should serve the refection at the table of
+the "protector of the poor." And a _pukkha_ curry it was, too. Another
+dish of native manufacture with which the writer became acquainted was
+a
+
+
+                           _Parsee Curry_.
+
+The eminent firm of Jehangeer on one occasion presented a petition to
+the commanding-officer that they might be allowed to supply a special
+curry to the mess one guest-night. The request was probably made as an
+inducement to some of the young officers to pay a little on account
+of their "owings" to the firm; but it is to be feared that no special
+vote of thanks followed the sampling of that special curry. It was
+a curry! I tasted it for a week (as the Frenchman did the soup of
+Swindon); and the Parsee _chef_ must have upset the entire contents
+of the spice-box into it. I never felt more like murder than when the
+hotel cook in Manchester put nutmeg in the oyster sauce; but after
+that curry, the strangling of the entire firm of Jehangeer would, in
+our cantonments, at all events, have been brought in "justifiable
+homicide."
+
+"Oyster sauce" recalls a quaint _simile_ I once heard a bookmaker make
+use of. He was talking of one of his aristocratic debtors, whom he
+described as sure to pay up, if you could only get hold of him. "But
+mark you," continued the layer of odds, "he's just about as easy to
+get hold of as _the oyster in the sauce_, at one of our moonicipal
+banquets!" But return we to our coriander seeds. There is absolutely
+no reason why the frugal housewife in this country should not make her
+own curry powder from day to day, as it may be required. Here is an
+average Indian recipe; but it must be remembered that in the gorgeous
+East tastes vary as much as elsewhere, and that Bengal, Bombay, Madras
+(including Burmah), Ceylon, and the Straits Settlements, have all
+different methods of preparing a curry.
+
+     A few coriander and cumin seeds--according to taste--eight
+     peppercorns, a small piece of turmeric, and one dried chili,
+     all pounded together.
+
+     When making the curry _mixture_, take a piece of the heart
+     of a cabbage, the size of a hen's egg; chop it fine and add
+     one sour apple in thin slices the size of a Keswick codlin,
+     the juice of a medium-sized lemon, a salt-spoonful of black
+     pepper, and a tablespoonful of the above curry powder. Mix
+     all well together; then take six medium-sized onions which
+     have been chopped small and fried a delicate brown, a clove of
+     garlic, also chopped small, two ounces of fresh butter, two
+     ounces of flour, and one pint of beef gravy. Boil up this lot
+     (which commences with the onions), and _when boiling_ stir in
+     the rest of the mixture. Let it all simmer down, and then add
+     the solid part of the curry, _i.e._ the meat, cut in portions
+     not larger than two inches square.
+
+Remember, O frugal housewife, that the turmeric portion of the
+entertainment should be added with a niggard hand. "Too much turmeric"
+is the fault which is found with most curries made in England. I
+remember, when a boy, that there was an idea rooted in my mind that
+curries were made with Doctor Gregory's Powder, an unsavoury drug with
+which we were periodically regaled by the head nurse; and there was
+always a fierce conflict at the dinner-table when the bill-of-fare
+included this (as we supposed) physic-al terror. But it was simply the
+taste of turmeric to which we took exception.
+
+What is TURMERIC? A plant in cultivation all over India, whose tubers
+yield a deep yellow powder of a resinous nature. This resinous powder
+is sold in lumps, and is largely used for adulterating mustard; just
+as inferior anchovy sauce is principally composed of Armenian Bole,
+the deep red powder with which the actor makes up his countenance.
+Turmeric is also used medicinally in Hindustan, but not this side of
+Suez, although in chemistry it affords an infallible test for the
+presence of alkalies. The CORIANDER has become naturalised in parts of
+England, but is more used on the Continent. Our confectioners put the
+seeds in cakes and buns, also comfits, and in Germany, Norway, Sweden,
+and (I fancy) Russia, they figure in household bread. In the south of
+England, coriander and caraway seeds are sown side by side, and crops
+of each are obtained in alternate years. The coriander seed, too, is
+largely used with that of the caraway and the cumin, for making the
+liqueur known as KÜMMEL.
+
+CUMIN is mentioned in Scripture as something particularly nice. The
+seeds are sweet-savoured, something like those of the caraway, but
+more potent. In Germany they put them into bread, and the Dutch use
+them to flavour their cheeses. The seeds we get in England come
+principally from Sicily and Malta.
+
+And now that my readers know all about the ingredients of
+curry-powder--it is assumed that no analysis of the chili, the
+ginger-root, or the peppercorn, is needed--let them emulate the pupils
+of Mr. Wackford Squeers, and "go and do it."
+
+ANOTHER RECIPE for curry-powder includes fenugreek, cardamoms,
+allspice, and cloves; but I verily believe that this was the powder
+used in that abominable Parsee hell-broth, above alluded to, so it
+should be cautiously approached, if at all. "Fenugreek" sounds evil;
+and I should say a curry compounded of the above ingredients would
+taste like a "Number One" pick-me-up. Yet another recipe (DOCTOR
+KITCHENER'S) specifies six ounces of coriander seed, five ounces of
+turmeric (_ower muckle, I'm of opeenion_) two ounces each of black
+pepper and mustard seed (_ochone!_), half an ounce of cumin seed,
+half an ounce of cinnamon (_donner und blitzen!_), and one ounce of
+lesser cardamoms. All these things are to be placed in a cool oven,
+kept therein one night, and pounded in a marble mortar next morning,
+preparatory to being rubbed through a sieve. "Kitchener" sounds like
+a good cooking name; but, with all due respect, I am not going to
+recommend his curry-powder.
+
+A MALAY CURRY is made with blanched almonds, which should be fried in
+butter till lightly browned. Then pound them to a paste with a sliced
+onion and some thin lemon-rind. Curry powder and gravy are added,
+and a small quantity of cream. The Malays curry all sorts of fish,
+flesh, and fowl, including the young shoots of the bamboo--and nice
+tender, succulent morsels they are. At a hotel overlooking the harbour
+of Point de Galle, Ceylon, "run," at the time of the writer's visit,
+by a most convivial and enterprising Yankee, a canning concocter
+of all sorts of "slings" and "cocktails," there used to be quite
+a plethora of curries in the bill-of-fare. But for a prawn curry
+there is no place like the City of Palaces. And the reason for this
+super-excellence is that the prawns--but that story had, perhaps, best
+remain untold.
+
+CURRIED LOCUSTS formed one of the most eccentric dishes ever
+tasted by the writer. There had come upon us that day a plague of
+these all-devouring insects. A few billions called on us, in our
+kitchen gardens, in passing; and whilst they ate up every green
+thing--including the newly-painted wheelbarrow, and the regimental
+standard, which had been incautiously left out of doors--our faithful
+blacks managed to capture several _impis_ of the marauding scuts,
+in revenge; and the mess-cook made a right savoury _plât_ of their
+hind-quarters.
+
+It is criminal to serve curry during the _entrée_ period of dinner.
+And it is worse form still to hand it round after gooseberry tart and
+cream, and trifle, as I have seen done at one great house. In the land
+of its birth, the spicy pottage invariably precedes the sweets. Nubbee
+Bux marches solemnly round with the mixture, in a deep dish, and is
+succeeded by Ram Lal with the rice. And in the Madras Presidency,
+where _dry_ curry is served as well as the other brand, there is a
+procession of three brown attendants. Highly-seasoned dishes at the
+commencement of a long meal are a mistake; and this is one of the
+reasons why I prefer the middle cut of a plain-boiled Tay salmon, or
+the tit-bit of a lordly turbot, or a flake or two of a Grimsby cod, to
+a _sole Normande_, or a red mullet stewed with garlic, mushrooms, and
+inferior claret. I have even met _homard à l'Américaine_, during the
+fish course, at the special request of a well-known Duke. The soup,
+too, eaten at a large dinner should be as plain as possible; the edge
+being fairly taken off the appetite by such concoctions as _bisque_,
+_bouillabaisse_, and _mulligatawny_--all savoury and tasty dishes,
+but each a meal in itself. Then I maintain that to curry whitebait is
+wrong; partly because curry should on no account be served before
+roast and boiled, and partly because the flavour of the whitebait
+is too delicate for the fish to be clad in spices and onions.
+The lesson which all dinner-givers ought to have learnt from the
+Ancient Romans--the first people on record who went in for æsthetic
+cookery--is that highly-seasoned and well-peppered dishes should
+figure at the end, and not the commencement of a banquet. Here follows
+a list of some of the productions of Nature which it is allowable to
+curry.
+
+
+                           _What to Curry._
+
+     TURBOT. SOLE. COD.
+
+     LOBSTER. CRAYFISH. PRAWNS,--but _not_ the so-called
+     "DUBLIN PRAWN," which is delicious when eaten plain boiled, but
+     no good in a curry.
+
+     WHELKS.[6] OYSTERS. SCALLOPS.
+
+     MUTTON. VEAL. PORK. CALF'S HEAD. OX PALATE. TRIPE.[6]
+
+     EGGS. CHICKEN. RABBIT (the "bunny" lends itself better
+     than anything else to this method of cooking). PEASE. KIDNEY
+     BEANS.[6] VEGETABLE MARROW. CARROTS. PARSNIPS. BAMBOO SHOOTS.
+     LOCUST LEGS.
+
+A mistaken notion has prevailed for some time amongst men and women
+who write books, that the Indian curry mixture is almost red-hot to
+the taste. As a matter of fact it is of a far milder nature than
+many I have tasted "on this side." Also the Anglo-Indian does not
+sustain life entirely on food flavoured with turmeric and garlic.
+In fact, during a stay of seven years in the gorgeous East, the
+writer's experience was that not one in ten touched curry at the
+dinner table. At second breakfast--otherwise known as "tiffin"--it was
+a favoured dish; but the stuff prepared for the meal of the day--or
+the bulk thereof--usually went to gratify the voracious appetite of
+the "_mehters_," the Hindus who swept out the mess-rooms, and whose
+lowness of "caste" allowed them to eat "anything." An eccentric meal
+was the _mehter's_ dinner. Into the empty preserved-meat tin which
+he brought round to the back door I have seen emptied such assorted
+_pabulum_ as mock turtle soup, lobster salad, plum pudding and
+custard, curry, and (of course), the surplus _vilolif_; and in a few
+seconds he was squatting on his heels, and spading into the mixture
+with both hands.
+
+In the Bengal Presidency cocoa-nut is freely used with a curry
+dressing; and as some men have as great a horror of this addition, as
+of oil in a salad, it is as well to consult the tastes of your guests
+beforehand.
+
+A PRAWN CURRY I have seen made in Calcutta as follows, the proportions
+of spices, etc., being specially written down by a _munshi_:--
+
+     Pound and mix one tablespoonful of coriander seed, one
+     tablespoonful of poppy seed, a salt-spoonful of turmeric, half
+     a salt-spoonful of cumin seed, a pinch of ground cinnamon,
+     a ditto of ground nutmeg, a small lump of ginger, and one
+     salt-spoonful of salt. Mix this with butter, add two sliced
+     onions, and fry till lightly browned. Add the prawns, shelled,
+     and pour in the milk of a cocoa-nut. Simmer for twenty minutes,
+     and add some lime juice.
+
+But the champion of curries ever sampled by the writer was a dry
+curry--a decided improvement on those usually served in the Madras
+Presidency--and the recipe (which has been already published in the
+_Sporting Times_ and _Lady's Pictorial_), only came into the writer's
+possession some years after he had quitted the land of temples.
+
+                             _Dry Curry._
+
+          1 lb. of meat (mutton, fowl, or white fish).
+          1 lb. of onions.
+          1 clove of garlic.
+          2 ounces of butter.
+          1 dessert-spoonful of curry powder.
+          1 dessert-spoonful of curry paste.
+          1 dessert-spoonful of chutnee (or tamarind preserve,
+          according to taste).
+
+     A very little cassareep, which is a condiment (only
+     obtainable at a few London shops) made from the juice of the
+     bitter cassava, or manioc root. Cassareep is the basis of that
+     favourite West Indian dish "Pepper-pot."
+
+          Salt to taste.
+          A good squeeze of lemon juice.
+
+     First brown the onions in the butter, and then dry them.
+     Add the garlic, which must be mashed to a pulp with the blade
+     of a knife. Then mix the powder, paste, chutnee, and cassareep
+     into a thin paste with the lemon juice. Mash the dried onions
+     into this, and let all cook gently till thoroughly mixed. Then
+     add the meat, cut into small cubes, and let all simmer very
+     gently for three hours. This sounds a long time, but it must
+     be remembered that the recipe is for a _dry_ curry; and when
+     served there should be no liquid about it.
+
+'Tis a troublesome dish to prepare; but, judging from the flattering
+communications received by the writer, the lieges would seem to
+like it. And the mixture had better be cooked in a _double_ or
+porridge-saucepan, to prevent any "catching."
+
+Already, in one of the breakfast chapters, has the subject of the
+preparation of rice, to be served with curry, been touched upon; but
+there will be no harm done in giving the directions again.
+
+
+                           _Rice for Curry_
+
+     Soak a sufficiency of rice in cold water until by repeated
+     strainings all the dirt is separated from it. Then put the
+     rice into _boiling_ water, and let it "gallop" for nine or ten
+     minutes--_no longer_. Strain the water off through a colander,
+     and dash a little _cold_ water over the rice to separate the
+     grains. Put in a hot dish, and serve immediately.
+
+A simple enough recipe, surely? So let us hear no more complaints of
+stodgy, clammy, "puddingy" rice. Most of the cookery books give far
+more elaborate directions, but the above is the method usually pursued
+by the poor brown heathen himself.
+
+Soyer's recipe resembles the above; but, after draining the water from
+the cooked rice, it is replaced in the saucepan, the interior of which
+has in the interim been anointed with butter. The saucepan is then
+placed either near the fire (not on it), or in a slow oven, for the
+rice to swell.
+
+Another way:
+
+     After washing the rice, throw it into plenty of boiling
+     water--in the proportion of six pints of water to one pound
+     of rice. Boil it for five minutes, and skim it; then add
+     a wine-glassful of milk for every half pound of rice, and
+     continue boiling for five minutes longer. Strain the water off
+     through a colander, and put it dry into the pot, on the corner
+     of the stove, pouring over the rice a small piece of butter,
+     which has been melted in a tablespoonful of the hot milk and
+     water in which the rice was boiled. Add salt, and stir the rice
+     for five minutes more.
+
+The decayed denizen of the ocean, dried to the consistency of biscuit,
+and known in Hindustan as a BOMBAY DUCK, which is frequently eaten
+with curry, "over yonder," does not find much favour, this side of
+Port Said, although I have met the fowl in certain city restaurants.
+The addition is not looked upon with any particular favour by the
+writer.
+
+"I have yet to learn" once observed that great and good man, the late
+Doctor Joseph Pope,[7] to the writer, in a discussion on "postponed"
+game, "that it is a good thing to put corruption into the human
+stomach."
+
+
+
+
+                             CHAPTER XIII
+
+                                SALADS
+
+                "O green and glorious, O herbaceous meat!
+                 'Twould tempt the dying anchorite to eat.
+                 Back to the world he'd turn his weary soul,
+                 And dip his fingers in the salad bowl!"
+
+     Nebuchadnezzar _v._ Sydney Smith--Salt?--No
+     salad-bowl--French origin--Apocryphal story of
+     Francatelli--Salads _and_ salads--Water-cress and dirty
+     water--Salad-maker born not made--Lobster salad--Lettuce,
+     Wipe or wash?--Mayonnaise--Potato salad--Tomato ditto--Celery
+     ditto--A memorable ditto.
+
+
+If Sydney Smith had only possessed the experience of old King
+Nebuchadnezzar, after he had been "turned out to grass," the witty
+prebend might not have waxed quite so enthusiastic on the subject of
+"herbaceous meat." Still the subject is a vast and important one, in
+its connection with gastronomy, and lends itself to poetry far easier
+than doth the little sucking pig, upon whom Charles Lamb expended so
+great and unnecessary a wealth of language.
+
+But look at the terse, perfunctory, and far from satisfactory manner
+in which the _Encyclopædia_ attacks the subject. "Salad," we read,
+"is the term given to a preparation of raw herbs for food. It derives
+its name from the fact that salt is one of the chief ingredients
+used in dressing a salad." This statement is not only misleading but
+startling; for in the "dressing" of a salad it would be the act of a
+lunatic to make salt the "chief ingredient."
+
+Long before they had learnt the art of dressing the herbs, our
+ancestors partook of cresses (assorted), celery, and lettuces, after
+being soaked in water for a considerable period; and they dipped the
+raw herbs into salt before consuming them. In fact, in many a cheap
+eating-house of to-day, the term "salad" means plain lettuce, or
+cress, or possibly both, absolutely undressed--in a state of nature,
+_plus_ plenty of dirty water. Even the English cook of the end of the
+nineteenth century cannot rid himself, or herself, of the idea that
+lettuce, like water-cress, knows the running brook, or the peaceful
+pond, as its natural element. And thirty years before the end of that
+century, a salad bowl was absolutely unknown in nine-tenths of the
+eating-houses of Great Britain.
+
+There is no use in blinking the fact that it is to our lively
+neighbours that we owe the introduction of the salad proper. Often
+as the writer has been compelled, in these pages, to inveigh against
+the torturing of good fish and flesh by the alien cook, and the
+high prices charged for its endowment with an alien flavour, let
+that writer (figuratively) place a crown of endive, tipped with
+baby onions, upon the brows of the philanthropist who dressed the
+first salad, and gave the recipe to the world. That recipe has, of
+course, been improved upon; and although the _savant_ who writes in
+the _Encyclopædia_ proclaims that "salad has always been a favourite
+food with civilised nations, and has varied very little in its
+composition," the accuracy of both statements is open to question.
+
+"Every art," observes another writer, "has its monstrosities;
+gastronomy has not been behind-hand; and though he must be a bold man
+who will venture to blaspheme the elegancies of French cookery, there
+comes a time to every Englishman who may have wandered into a mistaken
+admiration of sophisticated messes, when he longs for the simple diet
+of his native land, and vows that the best cookery in the world, and
+that which satisfies the most refined epicureanism, sets up for its
+ideal--plainness of good food, and the cultivation of natural tastes."
+
+And yet the French have taught us, or tried to teach us, how to
+prepare a dish of raw herbs, in the simplest way in the world!
+
+"Now a salad," says the same writer, "is simplicity itself, and here
+is a marvel--it is the crowning grace of a French dinner, while, on
+the other hand, it is little understood and villainously treated
+at English tables." Ahem! I would qualify that last statement. At
+_some_ English tables I have tasted salads compared with which the
+happiest effort of the _chef_ deserves not to be mentioned in the same
+garlic-laden breath. And "garlic-laden breath" naturally reminds me
+of the story of Francatelli--of which anecdote I do not believe one
+word, by the way. It was said of Franc., whilst _chef_ at the Reform
+Club, that his salads were such masterpieces, such things of beauty,
+that one of the members questioned him on the subject.
+
+"How do you manage to introduce such a delicious flavour into your
+salads?"
+
+"Ah! that should be my secret," was the reply. "But I will tell him
+to you. After I have made all my preparations, and the green food is
+mixed with the dressing, I chew a little clove of garlic between my
+teeth--so--and then breathe gently over the whole."
+
+But, as observed before, I do not believe that garlic story.
+
+O salad, what monstrosities are perpetrated in thy name! Let the
+genteel boarding-house cook-maid, the young lady who has studied
+harmony and the higher mathematics at the Board School, spread herself
+over the subject; and then invite the angels to inspect the matter,
+and weep! For this is the sort of "harmony" which the "paying guest,"
+who can appreciate the advantages of young and musical society, an
+airy front bed-chamber, and a bicycle room, is expected to enthuse
+over at the _table d'hôte_: a _mélange_ of herbs and roots, including
+water-cress and giant radishes, swimming in equal parts of vinegar and
+oil, and a large proportion of the water in which the ingredients have
+been soaking for hours--said ingredients being minced small, like veal
+collops, with a steel knife. And the same salad, the very identical
+horror, obtrudes itself on the table at other genteel establishments
+than boarding-houses. For they be "mostly fools" who people the
+civilised world.
+
+Let it be laid down as a golden rule, that the concoction of a salad
+should never, or hardly ever, be entrusted to the tender mercies of
+the British serving-maid. For the salad-maker, like the poet, is
+born, not made; and the divine _afflatus_--I don't mean garlic--is as
+essential in the one as in the other. We will take the simple mixture,
+what is commonly known as the
+
+
+                           _French Salad_,
+
+first. This is either composed, in the matter of herbs, of lettuce,
+chopped taragon, chervil, and chives; or of endive, with, "lurking in
+the bowl," a _chapon_, or crust of bread on which a clove of garlic
+has been rubbed. But the waiter, an he be discreet, will ask the
+customer beforehand if he prefer that the _chapon_ be omitted. The
+dressing is simplicity itself:
+
+     Within the bowl of a table-spoon are placed, in
+     succession, a spot of made mustard, and a sprinkling of black
+     pepper and salt. The bowl is filled up with vinegar, and with
+     a fork in the other hand the waiter stirs quickly the mustard,
+     etc., afterwards emptying the contents of the spoon over the
+     green-stuff. Then the spoon is refilled--either twice or
+     thrice, _ad lib._--with Lucca oil, which is also poured over
+     the salad. Then the final mixing takes place, in the salad bowl.
+
+But there be many and elaborate ways of salad-making. Here is the
+writer's idea of a
+
+
+                           _Lobster Salad_
+
+for half-a-dozen guests:
+
+     In a soup plate, mix the yolks of two hard-boiled
+     eggs--boiled for thirty minutes, and afterwards thrown into
+     cold water--into a smooth paste with a teaspoonful of made
+     mustard, and a tablespoonful of plain vinegar, added drop by
+     drop. Keep on stirring, and add a dessert-spoonful of tarragon
+     vinegar, a few drops of essence of anchovies, a teaspoonful
+     (_not heaped_) of salt, about the same quantity of sifted
+     sugar, and a good pinch of cayenne. [The tendency of black
+     pepper is to make a salad gritty, which is an abomination.]
+     Lastly, add, drop by drop, three tablespoonfuls of oil. Pour
+     this dressing (which should be in a continual state of stir)
+     into your salad bowl. Add the pickings of a hen lobster cut
+     into dice, and atop of the lobster, lettuces which have been
+     shred with clean fingers, or with ivory forks; a little endive
+     may be added, with a slice or two of beetroot; but no onion (or
+     very little) in a lobster salad. A few shreds of anchovy may
+     be placed atop; with beetroot cut into shapes, the whites of
+     the eggs, and the coral of the lobster, for the sake of effect;
+     but seek not, O student, to achieve prettiness of effect to
+     the detriment of practical utility. I need hardly add that the
+     sooner after its manufacture a salad is eaten, the better will
+     be its flavour. And the solid ingredients should only be mixed
+     with the dressing at the very last moment; otherwise a sodden,
+     flabby effect will be produced, which is neither pleasing to
+     the eye, nor calculated to promote good digestion.
+
+I am perfectly aware that the above is not a strict _Mayonnaise_
+dressing, in which the egg yolks should be raw, instead of cooked.
+But, like the Scotsman, I have "tried baith," and prefer my own way,
+which more resembles the _sauce Tartare_, than the _Mayonnaise_
+of our lively neighbours, who, by the way, merely wipe, instead
+of wash, their lettuces and endive, to preserve, as they say, the
+flavour. Of course this is a matter of taste, but the writer must
+own to a preference for the baptised article, which must, however,
+on no account be left to soak, but be simply freed from dirt, grit,
+and--other things.
+
+What is the origin of the word "MAYONNAISE"? No two Frenchmen will
+give you the same answer. "Of or belonging to Mayonne" would seem
+to be the meaning of the word; but then there is no such place as
+Mayonne in the whole of France. Grimod de la Reyniere maintained
+that the proper word was "BAYONNAISE," meaning a native of Bayonne,
+on the Spanish frontier. Afterwards Grimod, who was a resourceful
+man, got hold of another idea, and said that the word was probably
+"MAHONNAISE," and so named in honour of Marshal Richelieu's capture
+of the stronghold of Mahon, in the island of Minorca. But what had
+this victory got to do with a salad dressing? What was the connection
+of raw eggs and tarragon vinegar with Marshal Richelieu? Then up
+came another cook, in the person of Carême, who established it as
+an absolute certainty that the genuine word was "MAGNONNAISE," from
+the word "_manier_," to manipulate. But as nobody would stand this
+definition for long, a fresh search had to be made; and this time
+an old Provençal verb was dug up--_mahonner_, or more correctly
+_maghonner_, to worry or fatigue. And this is now said by purists to
+be the source of _Mayonnaise_--"something worried," or fatigued. And
+the reason for the gender of the noun is said to be that in ancient
+times lovely woman was accustomed to manipulate the salad with her own
+fair fingers. In the time of Rousseau, the phrase _retourner la salade
+avec les doigts_ was used to describe a woman as being still young and
+beautiful; just as in Yorkshire at the present time, "she canna mak'
+a bit o' bread" is used to describe a woman who is of no possible use
+in the house. So a _Mayonnaise_ or a _Mahonnaise_--I care not which
+be the correct spelling--was a young lady who "fatigued" the salad.
+More shame to the gallants of the day, who allowed "fatigue" to be
+associated with youth and beauty!
+
+But can it possibly matter what the word means, when the mixture
+is smooth and savoury; and so deftly blended that no one flavour
+predominates? And herein lies the secret of every mixture used for
+the refreshment of the inner man and woman; whether it be a soup, a
+curry, a trifle, a punch, or a cup--no one ingredient should be of
+more weight or importance than another. And that was the secret of
+the "delicious gravy" furnished by the celebrated stew at the "Jolly
+Farmers," in _The Old Curiosity Shop_ of Charles Dickens.
+
+MAYONNAISE (we will drop for the nonce, the other spelling) is made
+thus:
+
+     In the proportions of two egg yolks to half a pint of
+     Lucca oil, and a small wine-glassful of tarragon vinegar.
+     Work the yolks smooth in a basin, with a seasoning of pepper
+     (cayenne for choice), salt, and--according to the writer's
+     views--sifted sugar. Then a few drops of oil, and fewer of
+     vinegar; stirring the mixture all the time, from right to
+     left, with a wooden, or ivory, spoon. In good truth 'tis a
+     "fatiguing" task; and as in very hot weather the sauce is
+     liable to decompose, or "curdle," before the finishing touches
+     are put to it, it may be made over ice.
+
+                "Stir, sisters, stir,
+                    Stir with care!"
+
+is the motto for the _Mayonnaise_-mixer. And in many cases her only
+reward consists in the knowledge that through her art and patience she
+has helped to make the sojourn of others in this vale of tears less
+tearful and monotonous.
+
+"Onion atoms" should "lurk within the bowl," on nearly every occasion,
+and as for a potato salad--don't be afraid, I'm not going to quote any
+more Sydney Smith, so don't get loading your guns--well, here is the
+proper way to make it.
+
+
+                           _Potato Salad._
+
+     Cut nine or ten average-sized kidney potatoes (cooked)
+     into slices, half an inch thick, put them in a salad bowl, and
+     pour over them, after mixing, two tablespoonfuls of vinegar,
+     one tablespoonful of tarragon vinegar, six tablespoonfuls
+     of oil, one of minced parsley, a dessert-spoonful of onions
+     chopped very fine, with cayenne and salt to taste. Shredded
+     anchovies may be added, although it is preferable without;
+     and this salad should be made a couple of hours or so before
+     partaken of.
+
+The German recipe for a potato salad is too nasty to quote; and their
+HERRING SALAD, although said to be a valuable restorative of nerve
+power, by no means presents an attractive appearance, when served at
+table. Far more to the mind and palate of the average epicure is a
+
+
+                           _Tomato Salad_.
+
+This is the author's recipe:
+
+     Four large tomatoes and one Spanish onion, cut into thin
+     slices. Mix a spot of mustard, a little white pepper and
+     salt, with vinegar, in a table-spoon, pour it over the love
+     apples, etc., and then add two tablespoonfuls of oil. Mix well,
+     and then sprinkle over the mixture a few drops of Lea and
+     Perrins's Worcester Sauce. For the fair sex, the last part of
+     the programme may be omitted, but on no account leave out the
+     breath of sunny Spain. And mark this well. The man, or woman,
+     who mixes tomatoes with lettuces, or endives, in the bowl, is
+     hereby sentenced to translate the whole of this book into Court
+     English.
+
+
+                           _Celery Salad._
+
+     An excellent winter salad is made with beetroot and
+     celery, cut in thin slices, and served--with or without
+     onions--either with a mayonnaise sauce, or with a plain cream
+     sauce: to every tablespoonful of cream add a teaspoonful of
+     tarragon vinegar, a little sugar, and a suspicion of cayenne.
+     This salad looks best served in alternate slices of beet and
+     celery, on a flat silver dish, around the sauce.
+
+
+                      _A Gentleman Salad Maker._
+
+Although in the metropolis it is still customary, in middle-class
+households, to hire "outside help" on the occasion of a dinner-party,
+we have not heard for some time of a salad-dresser who makes
+house-to-house visitations in the exercise of his profession. But,
+at the end of the 18th century, the Chevalier d'Allignac, who had
+escaped from Paris to London in the evil days of the Revolution, made
+a fortune in this way. He was paid at the rate of £5 a salad, and
+naturally, soon started his own carriage, "in order that he might
+pass quickly from house to house, during the dining hours of the
+aristocracy." High as the fee may appear to be, it is impossible to
+measure the width of the gulf which lies between the salad as made by
+a lover of the art, and the kitchen-wench; and a perfect salad is,
+like a perfect curry, "far above rubies."
+
+
+                         _A Memorable Salad_
+
+was once served in my own mansion. The _chef_, who understood these
+matters well, when her hair was free from vine leaves, had been
+celebrating her birthday or some other festival; and had mixed the
+dressing with Colza oil. Her funeral was largely attended.
+
+
+
+
+                             CHAPTER XIV
+
+                        SALADS AND CONDIMENTS
+
+                                "Epicurean cooks
+                Sharpen with cloyless sauce his appetite."
+
+     Roman salad--Italian ditto--Various other salads--Sauce
+     for cold mutton--Chutnine--Raw chutnee--Horse-radish
+     sauce--Christopher North's sauce--How to serve a
+     mackerel--_Sauce Tartare_--Ditto for sucking pig--Delights of
+     making _Sambal_--A new language.
+
+
+It has, I hope, been made sufficiently clear that neither water-cress
+nor radishes should figure in a dressed salad; from the which I
+would also exclude such "small deer" as mustard and cress. There is,
+however, no black mark against the narrow-leaved CORN SALAD plant,
+or "lamb's lettuce"; and its great advantage is that it can be grown
+almost anywhere during the winter months, when lettuces have to be
+"coddled," and thereby robbed of most of their flavour.
+
+     Instead of yolk of egg, in a dressing, cheese may be
+     used, with good results, either cream cheese--_not_ the poor
+     stuff made on straws, but what are known as "napkin," or "New
+     Forest" cheeses--or Cheddar. Squash it well up with oil and
+     vinegar, and do not use too much. A piece of cheese the size of
+     an average lump of sugar will be ample, and will lend a most
+     agreeable flavour to the mixture.
+
+
+                            _Roman Salad_
+
+Lucullus and Co.--or rather their cooks--had much to learn in the
+preparation of the "herbaceous meat" which delighted Sydney Smith. The
+Romans cultivated endive; this was washed free from "matter in the
+wrong place," chopped small--absolutely fatal to the taste--anointed
+with oil and _liquamen_, topped up with chopped onions, and further
+ornamented with honey and vinegar. But before finding fault with the
+conquerors of the world for mixing honey with a salad, it should
+be remembered that they knew not "fine Demerara," nor "best lump,"
+nor even the beet sugar which can be made at home. Still I should
+not set a Roman salad before my creditors, if I wanted them to have
+"patience." An offer of the very smallest dividend would be preferable.
+
+
+                           _Italian Salad._
+
+The merry Italian has improved considerably upon the herbaceous treat
+(I rather prefer "treat" to "meat") of his ancestors; though he is far
+too fond of mixing flesh-meat of all sorts with his dressed herbs, and
+his boiled vegetables. Two cold potatoes and half a medium sized beet
+sliced, mixed with boiled celery and Brussels sprouts, form a common
+salad in the sunny South; the dressing being usually oil and vinegar,
+occasionally oil _seule_, and sometimes a _Tartare_ sauce. Stoned
+olives are usually placed atop of the mess, which includes fragments
+of chicken, or veal and ham.
+
+
+                           _Russian Salad._
+
+This is a difficult task to build up; for a sort of Cleopatra's
+Needle, or pyramid, of cooked vegetables, herbs, pickles, etc., has to
+be erected on a flat dish. Carrots, turnips, green peas, asparagus,
+French beans, beetroot, capers, pickled cucumbers, and horse-radish,
+form the solid matter of which the pyramid is built.
+
+     Lay a _stratum_ on the dish, and anoint the _stratum_ with
+     _Tartare_ sauce. Each layer must be similarly anointed, and
+     must be of less circumference than the one underneath, till the
+     top layer consists of one caper. Garnish with bombs of caviare,
+     sliced lemon, crayfish, olives, and salted cucumber; and then
+     give the salad to the policeman on fixed-point duty. At least,
+     if you take my advice.
+
+
+                           _Anchovy Salad._
+
+This is usually eaten at the commencement of dinner, as a _hors
+d'oeuvre_.
+
+     Some shreds of anchovy should be arranged "criss-cross"
+     in a flat glass dish. Surround it with small heaps of chopped
+     truffles, yolk and white of hard-boiled eggs, capers, and a
+     stoned olive or two. Mix all the ingredients together with a
+     little Chili vinegar, and twice the quantity of oil.
+
+The mixture is said to be invaluable as an appetiser; but the modest
+oyster on the _deep shell_--if he has not been fattened at the
+bolt-hole of the main sewer--is to be preferred.
+
+Cooked vegetables, for salad purposes, are not, nor will they ever
+be, popular in England, Nine out of ten Britains will eat the "one
+sauce" with asparagus, in preference to the oiled butter, or plain
+salad dressing, of mustard, vinegar, pepper, salt, and oil; whilst
+'tis almost hopeless to attempt to dissuade madame the cook from
+smothering her cauliflowers with liquefied paste, before sending them
+to table. Many a wild weed which foreign nations snatch greedily
+from the soil, prior to dressing it, is passed by with scorn by our
+islanders, including the dandelion, which is a favourite of our lively
+neighbours, for salad purposes, and is doubtless highly beneficial
+to the human liver. So is the cauliflower; and an eminent medical
+authority once gave out that the man who ate a parboiled cauliflower,
+as a salad, every other day, need never send for a doctor. Which
+sounds rather like fouling his own nest.
+
+
+                            _Fruit Salad._
+
+This is simply a French _compôte_ of cherries, green almonds, pears,
+limes, peaches, apricots in syrup slightly flavoured with ginger; and
+goes excellent well with any cold brown game. Try it.
+
+
+                           _Orange Salad._
+
+     Peel your orange, and cut it into thin slices. Arrange
+     these in a glass dish, and sugar them well. Then pour over them
+     a glass of sherry, a glass of brandy, and a glass of maraschino.
+
+
+                           _Orange Sauce._
+
+Cold mutton, according to my notions, is "absolutely beastly," to the
+palate. More happy homes have been broken up by this simple dish than
+by the entire army of Europe. And 'tis a dish which should never be
+allowed to wander outside the servants' hall. The superior domestics
+who take their meals in the steward's room, would certainly rise in a
+body, and protest against the indignity of a cold leg, or shoulder. As
+for a cold loin--but the idea is too awful. Still, brightened up by
+the following condiment, cold mutton will go down smoothly, and even
+gratefully:--
+
+     Rub off the thin yellow rind of two oranges on four lumps
+     of sugar. Put these into a bowl, and pour in a wine-glass
+     of port, a quarter pint of dissolved red-currant jelly, a
+     teaspoonful of mixed mustard--don't be frightened, it's all
+     right--a finely-minced shallot, a pinch of cayenne, and some
+     more thin orange rind. Mix well. When heated up, strain and
+     bottle off.
+
+But amateur sauces should, on the whole, be discouraged. The writer
+has tasted dozens of imitations of Lea and Perrins's "inimitable,"
+and it is still inimitable, and unapproachable. It is the same with
+chutnee. You can get anything in that line you want at Stembridge's,
+close to Leicester Square, to whom the writer is indebted for some
+valuable hints. But here is a recipe for a mixture of chutnee and
+pickle, which must have been written a long time ago; for the two
+operations are transposed. For instance, _the onions should be dealt
+with first_.
+
+
+                             _Chutnine._
+
+     Ten or twelve large apples, peeled and cored, put in an
+     earthenware jar, with a little vinegar (on no account use
+     water) in the oven. Let them remain till in a pulp, then take
+     out, and add half an ounce of curry powder, one ounce of
+     ground ginger, half a pound of stoned raisins, chopped fine,
+     half a pound moist sugar, one teaspoonful cayenne pepper, one
+     tablespoonful salt. Take four large onions (_this should be
+     done first_), chop very fine, and put them in a jar with a pint
+     and a half of vinegar. Cork tightly and let them remain a week.
+     Then add the rest of the ingredients, after mixing them well
+     together. Cork tightly, and the chutnine will be ready for use
+     in a month. It improves, however, by keeping for a year or so.
+
+
+                            _Raw Chutnee_
+
+is another aid to the consumption of cold meat, and I have also seen
+it used as an accompaniment to curry, but do not recommend the mixture.
+
+     One large tomato, one smaller Spanish onion, one green
+     chili, and a squeeze of lemon juice. Pulp the tomato; don't try
+     to extract the seeds, for life is too short for that operation.
+     Chop the onion and the chili very fine, and mix the lot up with
+     a pinch of salt, and the same quantity of sifted sugar.
+
+I know plenty of men who would break up their homes (after serving
+the furniture in the same way) and emigrate; who would go on strike,
+were roast beef to be served at the dinner-table unaccompanied by
+horse-radish sauce. But this is a relish for the national dish which
+is frequently overlooked.
+
+
+                        _Horse-radish Sauce._
+
+Grate a young root as fine as you can. It is perhaps needless to add
+that the fresher the horse-radish the better. No vegetables taste as
+well as those grown in your own garden, and gathered, or dug up, just
+before wanted. And the horse-radish, like the Jerusalem artichoke,
+comes to stay. When once he gets a footing in your garden you will
+never dislodge him; nor will you want to. Very well, then:
+
+     Having grated your horse, add a quarter of a pint of
+     cream--English or Devonshire--a dessert-spoonful of sifted
+     sugar, half that quantity of salt, and a tablespoonful of
+     vinegar. Mix all together, and, if for hot meat, heat in the
+     oven, taking care that the mixture does not curdle. Many people
+     use oil instead of cream, and mix grated orange rind with the
+     sauce. The Germans do not use oil, but either make the relish
+     with cream, or hard-boiled yolk of egg. Horse-radish sauce
+     for hot meat may also be heated by pouring it into a jar, and
+     standing the jar in boiling water--"jugging it" in fact.
+
+
+                           _Celery Sauce_,
+
+for boiled pheasant, or turkey, is made thus:
+
+     Two or three heads of celery, sliced thin, put into a
+     saucepan with equal quantities of sugar and salt, a dust of
+     white pepper, and two or three ounces of butter. Stew your
+     celery slowly till it becomes pulpy, but _not brown_, add two
+     or three ounces of flour, and a good half-pint of milk, or
+     cream. Let it simmer twenty minutes, and then rub the mixture
+     through a sieve.
+
+The carp as an item of food is, according to my ideas, a fraud. He
+tastes principally of the mud in which he has been wallowing until
+dragged out by the angler. The ancients loved a dish of carp, and yet
+they knew not the only sauce to make him at all palatable.
+
+
+                          _Sauce for Carp._
+
+     One ounce of butter, a quarter pint of good beef gravy,
+     one dessert-spoonful of flour, a quarter pint of cream and two
+     anchovies chopped very small. Mix over the fire, stir well till
+     boiling, then take off, add a little Worcester sauce, and a
+     squeeze of lemon, just before serving.
+
+
+                     _Christopher North's Sauce._
+
+     This is a very old recipe. Put a dessert-spoonful of
+     sifted sugar, a salt-spoonful of salt, and rather more than
+     that quantity of cayenne, into a jar. Mix thoroughly, and
+     add, gradually, two tablespoonfuls of Harvey's sauce, a
+     dessert-spoonful of mushroom ketchup, a tablespoonful of lemon
+     juice, and a large glass of port. Place the jar in a saucepan
+     of boiling water, and let it remain till the mixture is very
+     hot, but not boiling. If bottled directly after made, the sauce
+     will keep for a week, and may be used for duck, goose, pork, or
+     (Christopher adds) "any broil." But there is but _one_ broil
+     sauce, the GUBBINS SAUCE, already mentioned in this work.
+
+
+                          _Sauce for Hare._
+
+What a piece of work is a hare! And what a piece of work it is to cook
+him in a laudable fashion!
+
+     Crumble some bread--a handful or so--soak it in port
+     wine, heat over the fire with a small lump of butter, a
+     tablespoonful of red-currant jelly, a little salt, and a
+     tablespoonful of Chili vinegar. Serve as hot as possible.
+
+Mackerel is a fish but seldom seen at the tables of the great. And yet
+'tis tasty eating, if his Joseph's coat be bright and shining when
+you purchase him. When stale he is dangerous to life itself. And he
+prefers to gratify the human palate when accompanied by
+
+
+                         _Gooseberry Sauce_,
+
+     which is made by simply boiling a few green gooseberries,
+     rubbing them through a sieve, and adding a little butter and a
+     suspicion of ginger. Then heat up. "A wine-glassful of sorrel
+     or spinach-juice," observes one authority, "is a decided
+     improvement." H'm. I've tried both, and prefer the gooseberries
+     unadorned with spinach liquor.
+
+Now for a sauce which is deservedly popular all over the world, and
+which is equally at home as a salad dressing, as a covering for a
+steak off a fresh-run salmon, or a portion of fried eel; the luscious,
+the invigorating
+
+
+                           _Sauce Tartare_,
+
+so called because no tallow-eating Tartar was ever known to
+taste thereof. I have already given a pretty good recipe for its
+manufacture, in previous salad-dressing instructions, where the yolks
+of hard-boiled eggs are used. But chopped chervil, shallots, and
+(occasionally) gherkins, are added to the _Tartare_ arrangement; and
+frequently the surface is adorned with capers, stoned olives, and
+shredded anchovies.
+
+In the chapters devoted to dinners, no mention has been made of the
+sucking pig, beloved of Charles Lamb.[8] This hardened offender should
+be devoured with
+
+
+                           _Currant Sauce_:
+
+     Boil an ounce of currants, after washing them and picking
+     out the tacks, dead flies, etc., in half a pint of water, for
+     a few minutes, and pour over them a cupful of finely grated
+     crumbs. Let them soak well, then beat up with a fork, and
+     stir in about a gill of oiled butter. Add two tablespoonfuls
+     of the brown gravy made for the pig, a glass of port, and a
+     pinch of salt. Stir the sauce well over the fire. It is also
+     occasionally served with roast venison; but not in the mansions
+     of my friends.
+
+What is sauce for Madame Goose is said to be sauce for Old Man
+Gander. Never mind about that, however. The parents of young Master
+Goose, with whom alone I am going to deal, have, like the flowers
+which bloom in the spring, absolutely nothing to do with the case.
+This is the best
+
+
+                        _Sauce for the Goose_
+
+known to civilisation:
+
+     Put two ounces of green sage leaves into a jar with an
+     ounce of the thin yellow rind of a lemon, a minced shallot, a
+     teaspoonful of salt, half a ditto of cayenne, and a pint of
+     claret. Let this soak for a fortnight, then pour off the liquid
+     into a tureen; or boil with some good gravy. This sauce will
+     keep for a week or two, bottled and well corked up.
+
+And now, having given directions for the manufacture of sundry
+"cloyless sauces"--with only one of the number having any connection
+with _Ala_, and that one a sauce of world-wide reputation, I will
+conclude this chapter with a little fancy work. It is not probable
+that many who do me the honour to skim through these humble,
+faultily-written, but heartfelt gastronomic hints are personally
+acquainted with the cloyless
+
+
+                              _Sambal_,
+
+who is a lady of dusky origin. But let us quit metaphor, and direct
+the gardener to
+
+     Cut the finest and straightest cucumber in his crystal
+     palace. Cut both ends off, and divide the remainder into
+     two-inch lengths. Peel these, and let them repose in salt to
+     draw out the water, which is the indigestible part of the
+     cucumber. Then take each length, in succession, and with a
+     very sharp knife--a penknife is best for the purpose--pare it
+     from surface to centre, until it has become one long, curly
+     shred. Curl it up tight, so that it may resemble in form the
+     spring of a Waterbury watch. Cut the length through from end to
+     end, until you have made numerous long thin shreds. Treat each
+     length in the same way, and place in a glass dish. Add three
+     green chilies, chopped fine, a few chopped spring onions, and
+     some tiny shreds of the Blue Fish of Java. Having performed
+     a fishless pilgrimage in search of this curiosity, you will
+     naturally fall back upon the common or Italian anchovy, which,
+     after extracting the brine and bones, and cleansing, chop fine.
+     Pour a little vinegar over the mixture.
+
+"Sambal" will be found a delicious accompaniment to curry--when
+served on a salad plate--or to almost any description of cold meat
+and cheese. It is only fair to add, however, that the task of making
+the relish is arduous and exasperating to a degree; and that the
+woman who makes it--no male Christian in the world is possessed of a
+tithe of the necessary patience, now that Job and Robert Bruce are
+no more--should have the apartment to herself. For the labour is
+calculated to teach an entirely new language to the manufacturer.
+
+
+
+
+                              CHAPTER XV
+
+                                SUPPER
+
+                            "We are such stuff
+                    As dreams are made of."
+
+     Cleopatra's supper--Oysters--Danger in the Aden
+     bivalve--Oyster stew--Ball suppers--Pretty dishes--The _Taj
+     Mahal_--Aspic--Bloater paste and whipped cream--Ladies'
+     recipes--Cookery colleges--Tripe--Smothered in onions--North
+     Riding fashion--An hotel supper--Lord Tomnoddy at the "Magpie
+     and Stump."
+
+
+That cruel and catlike courtesan, Cleopatra, is alleged to have
+given the most expensive supper on record, and to have disposed of
+the _bonne bouche_ herself, in the shape of a pearl, valued at the
+equivalent of £250,000, dissolved in vinegar of extra strength. Such
+a sum is rather more than is paid for a supper at the Savoy, or the
+Cecil, or the Metropole, in these more practical times, when pearls
+are to be had cheaper; and there is probably about as much truth in
+this pearl story as in a great many others of the same period. I
+have heard of a fair _declassée_ leader of fashion at Monte Carlo,
+who commanded that her _major domo_ should be put to death for not
+having telegraphed to Paris for peaches, for a special dinner; but
+the woman who could melt a pearl in vinegar, and then drink----_halte
+la!_ Perhaps the pearl was displayed in the deep shell of the oyster
+of which the "noble curtesan" partook? We know how Mark Antony's
+countrymen valued the succulent bivalve; and probably an oyster feast
+at Wady Halfa or Dongola was a common function long before London knew
+a "Scott's," a "Pimm's," or a "Sweeting's."
+
+Thanks partly to the "typhoid scare," but principally to the
+prohibitive price, the "native" industry of Britain has been, at the
+latter end of the nineteenth century, by no means active, although in
+the illustrated annuals Uncle John still brings with him a barrel of
+the luscious bivalves, in addition to assorted toys for the children,
+when he arrives in the midst of a snow-storm at the old hall on
+Christmas Eve. But Uncle John, that good fairy of our youth, when
+Charles Dickens invented the "festive season," and the very atmosphere
+reeked of goose-stuffing, resides, for the most part, "in Sheffield,"
+in these practical days, when sentiment and goodwill to relatives are
+rapidly giving place to matters of fact, motor cars, and mammoth rates.
+
+The Asiatic oyster is not altogether commendable, his chief merit
+consisting in his size. Once whilst paying a flying visit to the city
+of Kurachi, I ordered a dozen oysters at the principal hotel. Then I
+went out to inspect the lions. On my return I could hardly push my
+way into the coffee-room. It was full of oyster! There was no room
+for anything else. In fact _one_ Kurachi oyster is a meal for four
+full-grown men.
+
+More tragic still was my experience of the bivalves procurable at
+Aden--which cinder-heap I have always considered to be a foretaste
+of even hotter things below. Instead of living on coal-dust (as
+might naturally be expected) the Aden oyster appears to do himself
+particularly well on some preparation of copper. The only time I
+tasted him, the after consequences very nearly prevented my ever
+tasting anything else, on this sphere. And it was only the comfort
+administered by the steward of my cabin which got me round.
+
+"Ah!" said that functionary, as he looked in to see whether I would
+take hot pickled pork or roast goose for dinner. "The last time we
+touched at Aden, there was two gents 'ad 'ysters. One of 'em died the
+same night, and the other nex' mornin'."
+
+I laughed so much that the poison left my system.
+
+Yet still we eat oysters--the _Sans Bacilles_ brand, for choice. And
+if we can only persuade the young gentleman who opens the bivalves
+to refrain from washing the grit off each in the tub of dirty water
+behind the bar, so much the better. And above all, the bivalves
+should be opened on the _deep_ shell, so as to conserve some of the
+juice; for it is advisable to get as much of the bivalve as we can
+for the money. Every time I crunch the bones of a lark I feel that I
+am devouring an oratorio, in the way of song; and whilst the bivalve
+is sliding down the "red lane" it may be as well to reflect that
+"there slips away fourpence"; or, as the Scotsman had it, "bang went
+saxpence!"
+
+In connection with Mr. Bob Sawyer's supper party in _Pickwick_, it may
+be recollected that "the man to whom the order for the oysters had
+been sent had not been told to open them; it is a very difficult thing
+to open an oyster with a limp knife or a two-pronged fork: and very
+little was done in this way."
+
+And in one's own house, unless there be an adept at oyster-opening
+present, the simplest way to treat the bivalve is the following. It
+should be remembered that a badly-opened oyster will resemble in
+flavour a slug on a gravel walk. So _roast_ him, good friends, in his
+own fortress.
+
+
+                    _Oysters in their own Juice._
+
+     With the tongs place half-a-dozen oysters, mouths
+     outwards, between the red-hot coals of the parlour or
+     dining-room fire--the deep shell must be at the bottom--and the
+     oysters will be cooked in a few minutes, or when the shells
+     gape wide. Pull them out with the tongs, and insert a fresh
+     batch. No pepper, vinegar, or lemon juice is necessary as an
+     adjunct; and the oyster never tastes better.
+
+At most eating-houses,
+
+
+                         _Scalloped Oysters_
+
+taste of nothing but scorched bread-crumbs; and the reason is obvious,
+for there is but little else in the scallop shell. _Natives only_
+should be used.
+
+     Open and beard two dozen, and cut each bivalve in
+     half. Melt two ounces of butter in a stewpan, and mix into
+     it the same allowance of flour, the strained oyster liquor,
+     a teacupful of cream, half a teaspoonful of essence of
+     anchovies, and a pinch of cayenne--death to the caitiff who
+     adds nutmeg--and stir the sauce well over the fire. Take it
+     off, and add the well-beaten yolks of two eggs, a tablespoonful
+     of finely chopped parsley, and a teaspoonful of lemon juice.
+     Put in the oysters, and stir the whole over a gentle fire for
+     five minutes. Put the mixture in the shells, grate bread-crumbs
+     over, place a small piece of butter atop, and bake in a Dutch
+     oven before a clear fire until the crumbs are lightly browned,
+     which should be in about a quarter of an hour.
+
+
+                            _Oyster Stew_
+
+is thoroughly understood in New York City. On this side, the dish
+does not meet with any particular favour, although no supper-table is
+properly furnished without it.
+
+     Open two dozen oysters, and take the beards off. Put the
+     oysters into a basin and squeeze over them the juice of half a
+     lemon. Put the beards and the strained liquor into a saucepan
+     with half a blade of mace, half a dozen peppercorns ground,
+     a little grated lemon rind, and a pinch of cayenne. Simmer
+     gently for a quarter of an hour, strain the liquid, thicken it
+     with a little butter and flour, add a quarter of a pint (or a
+     teacupful) of cream, and stir over the fire till quite smooth.
+     Then put in the oysters, and let them warm through--they must
+     not boil. Serve in a soup tureen, and little cubes of bread
+     fried in bacon grease may be served with the stew, as with
+     pea-soup.
+
+Be very careful to whose care you entrust your barrel, or bag, of
+oysters, after you have got them home. A consignment of the writer's
+were, on one memorable and bitter cold Christmas Eve, consigned to the
+back dairy, by Matilda Anne. Result--frostbite, gapes, dissolution,
+disappointment, disagreeable language.
+
+
+                           _Ball Suppers._
+
+More hard cash is wasted on these than even on ball dresses, which is
+saying a great deal. The alien caterer, or _charcutier_, is chiefly to
+blame for this; for he it is who has taught the British matron to wrap
+up wholesome food in coats of grease, inlaid with foreign substances,
+to destroy its flavour, and to bestow upon it an outward semblance
+other than its own. There was handed unto me, only the other evening,
+what I at first imagined to be a small section of the celebrated _Taj
+Mahal_ at Agra, the magnificent mausoleum of the Emperor Shah Jehan.
+Reference to the bill-of-fare established the fact that I was merely
+sampling a galantine of turkey, smothered in some white glazy grease,
+inlaid with chopped carrot, green peas, truffles, and other things.
+And the marble column (also inlaid) which might have belonged to King
+Solomon's Temple, at the top of the table, turned out to be a Tay
+salmon, decorated _à la mode de charcutier_, and tasting principally
+of garlic. A shriek from a fair neighbour caused me to turn my head
+in her direction; and it took some little time to discover, and
+to convince her, that the item on her plate was not a mouse, too
+frightened to move, but some preparation of the liver of a goose, in
+"aspic."
+
+This said ASPIC--which has no connection with the asp which the fair
+Cleopatra kept on the premises, although a great French lexicographer
+says that aspic is so called because it is as cold as a snake--is
+invaluable in the numerous "schools of cookery" in the which British
+females are educated according to the teaching of the bad fairy
+_Ala_. The cold chicken and ham which delighted our ancestors at the
+supper-table--what has become of them? Yonder, my dear sir, is the
+fowl, in neat portions, minced, and made to represent fragments of
+the almond rock which delighted us whilst in the nursery. The ham
+has become a ridiculous _mousse_, placed in little accordion-pleated
+receptacles of snow-white paper; and those are not poached eggs atop,
+either, but dabs of whipped cream with a preserved apricot in the
+centre.
+
+It was only the other day that I read in a journal written by ladies
+for ladies, of a dainty dish for luncheon or supper: _croûtons_
+smeared with bloater paste and surmounted with whipped cream; and
+in the same paper was a recipe for stuffing a fresh herring with
+mushrooms, parsley, yolk of egg, onion, and its own soft roe. I am of
+opinion that it was a bad day for the male Briton when the gudewife,
+with her gude-daughter, and her gude cook, abandoned the gude roast
+and boiled, in favour of the works of the all-powerful _Ala_.
+
+And now let us proceed to discuss the most homely supper of all, and
+when I mention the magic word
+
+
+                               _Tripe_
+
+there be few of my readers who will not at once allow that it is
+not only the most homely of food, but forms an ideal supper. This
+doctrine had not got in its work, however, in the 'sixties, at about
+which period the man who avowed himself an habitual tripe-eater must
+have been possessed of a considerable amount of nerve. Some of the
+supper-houses served it--such as the Albion, the Coal Hole, and more
+particularly, "Noakes's," the familiar name for the old Opera Tavern
+which used to face the Royal Italian Opera House, in Bow Street,
+Covent Garden. But the more genteel food-emporiums fought shy of tripe
+until within three decades of the close of the nineteenth century.
+Then it began to figure on the supper bills, in out-of-the-way
+corners; until supper-eaters in general discovered that this was not
+only an exceedingly cheap, but a very nourishing article of food,
+which did not require any special divine aid to digest. Then the price
+of tripe went up 75 per cent on the programmes. Then the most popular
+burlesque _artiste_ of any age put the stamp of approval upon the new
+supper-dish, and tripe-dressing became as lucrative a profession as
+gold-crushing.
+
+There is a legend afloat of an eminent actor--poor "Ned" Sothern,
+I fancy, as "Johnny" Toole would never have done such a thing--who
+bade some of his friends and acquaintance to supper, and regaled them
+on sundry rolls of house flannel, smothered with the orthodox onion
+sauce. But that is another story. Practical jokes should find no
+place in this volume, which is written to benefit, and not alarm,
+posterity. Therefore let us discuss the problem
+
+
+                         _How to Cook Tripe_.
+
+     Ask for "double-tripe," and see that the dresser gives
+     it you nice and white. Wash it, cut into portions, and place
+     in equal parts of milk and water, boiling fast. Remove the
+     saucepan from the hottest part of the fire, and let the tripe
+     keep just on the boil for an hour and a half. Serve with whole
+     onions and onion sauce--in this work you will not be told how
+     to manufacture onion sauce--and baked potatoes should always
+     accompany this dish to table.
+
+Some people like their tripe cut into strips rolled up and tied with
+cotton, before being placed in the saucepan; but there is really no
+necessity to take this further trouble. And if the cook should forget
+to remove the cotton before serving, you might get your tongues tied
+in knots. In the North Riding of Yorkshire, some of the farmers'
+wives egg-and-bread-crumb fillets of tripe, and fry them in the drip
+of thick rashers of ham which have been fried previously. The ham
+is served in the centre of the dish, with the fillets around the
+pig-pieces. This is said to be an excellent dish, but I prefer my
+tripe smothered in onions, like the timid "bunny."
+
+Edmund Yates, in his "Reminiscences," describes "nice, cosy, little
+suppers," of which in his early youth he used to partake, at the
+house of his maternal grandfather, in Kentish Town. "He dined at two
+o'clock," observed the late proprietor of the _World_, "and had the
+most delightful suppers at nine; suppers of sprats, or kidneys, or
+tripe and onions; with foaming porter and hot grog afterwards."
+
+I cannot share the enthusiasm possessed by some people for SPRATS,
+as an article of diet. When very "full-blown," the little fish make
+an excellent fertiliser for Marshal Niel roses; but as "winter
+whitebait," or sardines they are hardly up to "Derby form."
+
+Sprats are not much encouraged at the fashionable hotels; and when
+tripe is brought to table, which is but rarely, that food is nearly
+always filleted, sprinkled with chopped parsley, and served with
+tomato sauce.
+
+This is the sort of supper which is provided in the "gilt-edged"
+_caravanserais_ of the metropolis, the following being a _verbatim_
+copy of a bill of fare at the Hotel Cecil:--
+
+                             SOUPER, 5s.
+
+                      Consommé Riche en tasses.
+                     Laitances Frites, Villeroy.
+                  Côte de Mouton aux Haricots Verts.
+            Chaudfroid de Mauviettes. Strasbourg evisie.
+                               Salade.
+                            Biscuit Cecil.
+
+A lady-like repast this; and upon the whole, not dear. But roast loin
+of mutton hardly sounds tasty enough for a meal partaken of somewhere
+about the stroke of midnight. Still, such a supper is by no means
+calculated to "murder sleep." Upon the other hand it is a little
+difficult to credit the fact that the whole of the party invited by
+"My Lord Tomnoddy" to refresh themselves at the "Magpie and Stump,"
+including the noble host himself, should have slumbered peacefully,
+with a noisy crowd in the street, after a supper which consisted of
+
+                "Cold fowl and cigars,
+                 Pickled onions in jars,
+                 Welsh rabbits and kidneys,
+                 Rare work for the jaws."
+
+
+
+
+                             CHAPTER XVI
+
+                         SUPPER (_continued_)
+
+                      "To feed were best at home;
+                From thence the sauce to meat is ceremony;
+                Meeting were bare without it."
+
+     Old supper-houses--The Early Closing
+     Act--Evans's--Cremorne Gardens--The "Albion"--Parlour
+     cookery--Kidneys fried in the fire-shovel--The true way
+     to grill a bone--"Cannie Carle"--My lady's bower--Kidney
+     dumplings--A Middleham supper--Steaks cut from a colt by
+     brother to "Strafford" out of sister to "Bird on the Wing."
+
+The Early Closing Act of 1872 had a disastrous effect upon the old
+London supper-houses. What Mr. John Hollingshead never tired of
+calling the "slap-me-and-put-me-to-bed law" rang the knell of many a
+licensed tavern, well-conducted, where plain, well-cooked food and
+sound liquor were to be obtained by men who would have astonished
+their respective couches had they sought them before the small hours.
+
+
+                              _Evans's._
+
+The "Cave of Harmony" of Thackeray was a different place to the
+"Evans's" of my youthful days. Like the younger Newcome, I was taken
+there in the first instance, by the author of my being. But Captain
+Costigan was conspicuous by his absence; and "Sam Hall" was _non est_.
+I noted well the abnormal size of the broiled kidneys, and in my
+ignorance of anatomy, imagined that Evans's sheep must be subjected
+to somewhat the same process--the "ordeal by fire"--as the Strasbourg
+geese. And the potatoes--zounds, sirs! What potatoes! "Shall I turn
+it out, sir?" inquired the attentive waiter; and, as he seized the
+tuber, enveloped in the snow-white napkin, broke it in two, and
+ejected a floury pyramid upon my plate, I would, had I known of such
+a decoration in those days, have gladly recommended that attendant
+for the Distinguished Service order. In the course of many visits I
+never saw any supper commodity served here besides chops, steaks,
+kidneys, welsh-rarebits, poached eggs, and (I think) sausages; and
+the earliest impression made upon a youthful memory was the air of
+extreme confidence which pervaded the place. We certainly "remembered"
+the waiter; but not even a potato was paid for until we encountered
+the head functionary at the exit door; and his peculiar ideas of
+arithmetic would have given Bishop Colenso a succession of fits.
+
+Who "Evans" was, we neither knew nor cared. "Paddy" Green, with his
+chronic smile, was enough for us; as he proffered his ever-ready
+snuff-box, inquired after our relatives--"Paddy," like "Spanky" at
+Eton, knew everybody--and implored silence whilst the quintette
+_Integer Vitæ_ was being sung by the choir. We used to venerate
+that quintette far more than any music we ever heard in church, and
+I am certain "Paddy" Green would have backed his little pack of
+choristers--who, according to the general belief, passed the hours of
+daylight in waking the echoes of St. Paul's Cathedral, or Westminster
+Abbey, and therefore, at Evans's, always looked a bit stale and
+sleepy--against any choir in the world. As for Harry Sidney, the fat,
+jolly-looking gentleman who was wont to string together the topics of
+the day and reproduce them, fresh as rolls, set to music, we could
+never hear enough of him; and I wish I had now some of the half-crowns
+which in the past were bestowed upon Herr Von Joel, the indifferent
+_siffleur_, who was "permanently retained upon the premises," and who
+was always going to take a benefit the following week.
+
+"Kidneys and 'armony"--that was the old programme in the "Cave." And
+then the march of time killed poor old Paddy, and another management
+reigned. Gradually the "lady element" was introduced, and a portion of
+the hall was set apart for the mixed assembly. And then came trouble,
+and, finally, disestablishment. And for some time before the closing
+of the Cave as a place of entertainment, it was customary to remove
+the fine old pictures (what became of them, I wonder), from the walls,
+at "Varsity Boat Race" time. For the undergraduate of those days was
+nothing if not rowdy. Youth will have its fling; and at Evans's the
+fling took the form of tumblers. Well do I recollect a fight in "the
+old style" in the very part of the "Cave" where eminent barristers,
+actors, and other wits of a past age, used to congregate. The premier
+boxer of Cambridge University had been exercising his undoubted
+talents as a breaker of glass, during the evening, and at length the
+overwrought manager obliged him with an opponent worthy of his fists
+in the person of a waiter who could also put up his fists. Several
+rounds were fought, strictly according to the rules of the Prize Ring,
+and in the result, whilst the waiter had sustained considerable damage
+to his ribs, the "Cambridge gent" had two very fine black eyes. Well
+do I remember that "mill," also the waiter, who afterwards became an
+habitual follower of the turf.
+
+If Cremorne introduced the fashion of "long drinks," sodas, and
+et ceteras, the suppers served in the old gardens had not much to
+recommend them. A slice or two of cold beef, or a leg of a chicken,
+with some particularly salt ham, formed the average fare; but those
+who possessed their souls with patience occasionally saw something
+hot, in the way of food--chiefly cutlets. The great virtue of the
+cutlet is that it can be reheated; and one dish not infrequently did
+duty for more than one party. The rejected portion, in fact, would
+"reappear" as often as a retiring actor. "I know them salmon cutlets,"
+the waiter in _Pink Dominoes_ used to observe, "as well as I know my
+own mother!" In fact, Cremorne, like the "night houses" of old, was
+not an ideal place to sup at.
+
+But, _per contra_, the "Albion" _was_. Until the enforcement of
+the "slap-me-and-put-me-to-bed" policy there was no more justly
+celebrated house of entertainment than the one which almost faced the
+stage door of Drury Lane theatre, in Great Russell Street. One of the
+brothers Cooper--another kept the Rainbow in Fleet Street--retired
+on a fortune made here, simply by pursuing the policy of giving his
+customers the best of everything. And a rare, Bohemian stamp of
+customers he had, too--a nice, large-hearted, open-handed lot of
+actors, successful and otherwise, dramatic critics ditto, and ditto
+journalists, also variegated in degree; with the usual, necessary,
+leavening of the "City" element. The custom of the fair sex was not
+encouraged at the old tavern; though in a room on the first floor
+they were permitted to sup, if in "the profession" and accompanied
+by males, whose manners and customs could be vouched for. In winter
+time, assorted grills, of fish, flesh, and fowl, were served as supper
+dishes; whilst tripe was the staple food. Welsh rarebits, too, were in
+immense demand. And I think it was here that I devoured, with no fear
+of the future before my plate, a
+
+
+                           _Buck Rarebit_.
+
+During the silent watches of the rest of the morning, bile and
+dyspepsia fought heroically for my soul; and yet the little animal
+is easy enough to prepare, being nothing grander than a Welsh
+rarebit, with a poached egg atop. But the little tins (silver, like
+the forks and spoons, until the greed and forgetfulness of mankind
+necessitated the substitution of electro-plate) which the Hebes
+at the "Old Cheshire Cheese" fill with fragments of the hostelry's
+godfather--subsequently to be stewed in good old ale--are less harmful
+to the interior of the human diaphragm.
+
+A favourite Albion supper-dish during the summer months was
+
+
+                       _Lamb's Head and Mince_.
+
+I have preserved the recipe, a gift from one of the waiters--but
+whether Ponsford, Taylor, or "Shakespeare" (so-called because he bore
+not the faintest resemblance to the immortal bard) I forget--and here
+it is:
+
+     The head should be scalded, scraped, and well washed.
+     Don't have it singed, in the Scottish fashion, as lamb's
+     wool is not nice to eat. Then put it, with the liver (the
+     sweetbread was chopped up with the brain, I fancy), into a
+     stewpan, with a Spanish onion stuck with cloves, a bunch of
+     parsley, a little thyme, a carrot, a turnip, a bay leaf, some
+     crushed peppercorns, a tablespoonful of salt, and half a gallon
+     of cold water. Let it boil up, skim, and then simmer for an
+     hour. Divide the head, take out the tongue and brain, and dry
+     the rest of the head in a cloth. Mince the liver and tongue,
+     season with salt and pepper, and simmer in the original gravy
+     (thickened) for half-an-hour. Brush the two head-halves with
+     yolk of egg, grate bread crumbs over, and bake in oven. The
+     brain and sweetbread to be chopped and made into cakes, fried,
+     and then placed in the dish around the head-halves.
+
+Ah me! The old tavern, after falling into bad ways, entertaining
+"extra-ladies" and ruined gamesters, has been closed for years. The
+ground floor was a potato warehouse the last time I passed the place.
+And it should be mentioned that the actors, journalists, etc., who,
+in the 'seventies, possessed smaller means, or more modest ambitions,
+were in the habit of supping--on supping days--at a cheaper haunt in
+the Strand, off (alleged) roast goose. But, according to one Joseph
+Eldred, a comedian of some note and shirt-cuff, the meat which was
+apportioned to us here was, in reality, always bullock's heart,
+sliced, and with a liberal allowance of sage and onions. "It's the
+seasoning as does it," observed Mr. Samuel Weller.
+
+Then there was another Bohemian house of call, and supper place,
+in those nights--the "Occidental," once known as the "Coal Hole,"
+where, around a large, beautifully polished mahogany table, many of
+the wits of the town--"Harry" Leigh and "Tom" Purnell were two of
+the inveterates--sat, and devoured Welsh rarebits, and other things.
+The house, too, could accommodate not a few lodgers; and one of its
+great charms was that nobody cared a button what time you retired to
+your couch, or what time you ordered breakfast. In these matters, the
+Occidental resembled the "Limmer's" of the "Billy Duff" era, and the
+"Lane's" of my own dear subaltern days.
+
+
+                          _Parlour Cookery._
+
+It was after the last-named days that, whilst on tour with various
+dramatic combinations--more from necessity than art, as far as I
+was concerned--that the first principles of parlour cookery became
+impregnated in mine understanding. We were not all "stars," although
+we did our best. Salaries were (according to the advertisements)
+"low but sure"; and (according to experiences) by no means as sure
+as death, or taxes. The "spectre" did not invariably assume his
+"martial stalk," of a Saturday; and cheap provincial lodgings do not
+hold out any extra inducement in the way of cookery. So, whilst we
+endured the efforts of the good landlady at the early dinner, some of
+us determined to dish up our own suppers. For the true artist never
+really feels (or never used to feel, at all events) like "picking a
+bit" until merely commercial folks have gone to bed.
+
+Many a time and oft, with the aid of a cigar box (empty, of course),
+a couple of books, and an arrangement of plates, have I prepared a
+savoury supper of mushrooms, toasted cheese, or a _kebob_ of larks, or
+other small fowl, in front of the fire. More than once have I received
+notice to quit the next morning for grilling kidneys on the perforated
+portion of a handsome and costly steel fire-shovel. And by the time I
+had become sufficiently advanced in culinary science to stew tripe and
+onions, in an enamel-lined saucepan, the property of the "responsible
+gent," we began to give ourselves airs. Landladies' ideas on the
+subject of supper for "theatricals," it may be mentioned, seldom
+soared above yeast dumplings. And few of us liked the name, even, of
+yeast dumplings.
+
+But perhaps the champion effort of all was when I was sojourning in
+the good city of Carlisle--known to its inhabitants by the pet name
+of "Cannie Carle." A good lady was, for her sins, providing us with
+board and lodging, in return for (promised) cash. My then companion
+was a merry youth who afterwards achieved fame by writing the very
+funniest and one of the most successful of three-act farces that was
+ever placed upon the stage. Now there is not much the matter with a
+good joint of ribs of beef, roasted to a turn. But when that beef
+is placed on the table hot for the Sunday dinner, and cold at every
+succeeding meal until finished up, one's appetite for the flesh of
+the ox begins to slacken. So we determined on the Wednesday night to
+"strike" for a tripe supper.
+
+"Indeed," protested the good landlady, "ye'll get nae tripe in this
+hoose, cannie men. Hae ye no' got guid beef, the noo?"
+
+Late that night we had grilled bones for supper; not the ordinary
+
+
+                           _Grilled Bones_
+
+which you get in an eating house, but a vastly superior article.
+We, or rather my messmate, cut a rib from off the aforementioned
+beef, scored the flesh across, and placed the bone in the centre of
+a beautifully clear fire which had been specially prepared. It was
+placed there by means of the tongs--a weapon of inestimable value in
+Parlour Cookery--and withdrawn by the same medium. Some of the black
+wanted scraping off the surface of the meat, but the grill was a
+perfect dream. The GUBBINS SAUCE, already mentioned in this volume,
+had not at that time been invented; but as I was never without a
+bottle of TAPP SAUCE--invaluable for Parlour Cookery; you can get it
+at Stembridge's--we had plenty of relish. Then we severed another rib
+from the carcase, and served it in the same manner. For it was winter
+time and we had wearied of frigid ox.
+
+Next morning the landlady's face was a study. I rather think that
+after some conversation, we propitiated her with an order for two for
+the dress circle; but it is certain that we had tripe that evening.
+
+An ideal supper in _miladi's boudoir_ is associated, in the writer's
+mind, with rose-coloured draperies, dainty china, a cosy fire, a
+liberal display of _lingerie_, a strong perfume of heliotrope and
+orris root--and _miladi_ herself. When next she invites her friends,
+she will kindly order the following repast to be spread:--
+
+                         Clear soup, in cups.
+                     Fillets of soles Parisienne.
+                        Chaudfroid of Quails.
+                         Barded sweetbreads.
+                            Perigord pâté.
+
+By way of contrast, let me quote a typical supper-dish which the "poor
+player" used to order, when he could afford it.
+
+                          _Kidney Dumpling._
+
+     Cut a large Spanish onion in half. Take out the heart, and
+     substitute a sheep's kidney, cut into four. Season with salt
+     and pepper, join the two halves, and enclose in a paste. Bake
+     on a buttered tin, in a moderate oven, for about an hour.
+
+     _N.B._--Be sure the cook _bakes_ this dumpling, as it is
+     not nice boiled.
+
+An artistic friend who at one time of his life resided near the great
+horse-training centre of Middleham, in Yorkshire, gave a steak supper
+at the principal inn, to some of the stable attendants. The fare was
+highly approved of.
+
+"Best Scotch beef I ever put tooth into!" observed the "head lad" at
+old Tom Lawson's stables.
+
+"Ah!" returned the host, who was a bit of a wag, "your beef was cut
+from a colt of Lord Glasgow's that was thought highly of at one time;
+and he was shot the day before yesterday."
+
+And it was so. For Lord Glasgow never sold nor gave away a horse, but
+had all his "failures" shot.
+
+And then a great cry went up for brown brandy.
+
+
+
+
+                             CHAPTER XVII
+
+                            "CAMPING OUT"
+
+                  "Thou didst eat strange flesh,
+                   Which some did die to look on."
+
+     The ups and downs of life--Stirring adventures--Marching
+     on to glory--Shooting in the tropics--Pepper-pot--With the
+     _Rajah Sahib_--Goat-sacrifices at breakfast time--Simla to
+     Cashmere--Manners and customs of Thibet--Burmah--No place to
+     get fat in--Insects--Voracity of the natives--Snakes--Sport
+     in the Jungle--Loaded for snipe, sure to meet tiger--With the
+     gippos--No baked hedgehog--Cheap milk.
+
+
+The intelligent reader may have gathered from some of the foregoing
+pages that the experiences of the writer have been of a variegated
+nature. As an habitual follower of the Turf once observed:
+
+        "When we're rich we rides in chaises,
+    And when we're broke we walks like ----"
+
+Never mind what. It was an evil man who said it, but he was a
+philosopher. Dinner in the gilded saloon one day, on the next no
+dinner at all, and the key of the street. Such is life!
+
+Those experiences do not embrace a mortal combat with a "grizzly"
+in the Rockies, nor a tramp through a miasma-laden forest in Darkest
+Africa, with nothing better to eat than poisonous _fungi_, assorted
+grasses, red ants, and dwarfs; nor yet a bull fight. But they include
+roughing it in the bush, on underdone bread and scorched kangaroo, a
+tramp from Benares to the frontier of British India, another tramp
+or two some way beyond that frontier, a dreadful journey across the
+eternal snows of the Himalayas, a day's shooting in the Khyber Pass,
+a railway accident in Middlesex, a mad elephant (he had killed seven
+men, one of them blind) hunt at Thayet Myoo, in British Burmah, a fine
+snake anecdote or two, a night at Cambridge with an escaped lunatic,
+a tiger story (of course), and a capture for debt by an officer of
+the Sheriff of Pegu, with no other clothing on his body than a short
+jacket of gaily coloured silk, and a loin cloth. My life's history is
+never likely to be written--chiefly through sheer laziness on my own
+part, and the absence of the gambling instinct on that of the average
+publisher--but like the brown gentleman who smothered his wife, I have
+"seen things."
+
+In this chapter no allusion will be made to "up river" delights,
+the only idea of "camping out" which is properly understood by the
+majority of "up to date" young men and maidens; for this theme has
+been already treated, most comically and delightfully, by Mr. Jerome,
+in the funniest book I ever read. My own camping experiences have been
+for the most part in foreign lands, though I have seen the sun rise,
+whilst reclining beneath the Royal trees in St. James's Park; and as
+this book is supposed to deal with gastronomy, rather than adventure,
+a brief sketch of camp life must suffice.
+
+On the march! What a time those who "served the Widdy"--by which
+disrespectful term, our revered Sovereign was _not_ known in those
+days--used to have before the continent of India had been intersected
+by the railroad! The absence of one's proper _quantum_ of rest, the
+forced marches over _kutcha_ (imperfectly made) bye-roads, the sudden
+changes of temperature, raids of the native thief, the troubles
+with "bobbery" camels, the still more exasperating behaviour of the
+_bail-wallahs_ (bullock-drivers), the awful responsibilities of the
+officer-on-baggage-guard, on active duty, often in the saddle for
+fifteen hours at a stretch, the absolutely necessary cattle-raids,
+by the roadside--all these things are well known to those who have
+undergone them, but are far too long "another story" to be related
+here. As for the food partaken of during a march with the regiment,
+the bill-of-fare differed but little from that of the cantonments; but
+the officer who spent a brief holiday in a shooting expedition had to
+"rough it" in more ways than one.
+
+There was plenty of game all over the continent in my youthful days,
+and the average shot need not have lacked a dinner, even if he had not
+brought with him a consignment of "Europe" provisions. English bread
+was lacking, certainly, and biscuits, native or otherwise--"otherwise"
+for choice, as the bazaar article tasted principally of pin-cushions
+and the smoke of dried and lighted cow-dung--or the ordinary
+_chupatti_, the flat, unleavened cake, which the poor Indian
+manufactures for his own consumption. Cold tea is by far the best
+liquid to carry--or rather to have carried for you--whilst actually
+shooting; but the weary sportsman will require something more
+exciting, and more poetical, on his return to camp. As for solid fare
+it was usually
+
+
+                             _Pepper-pot_
+
+for dinner, day by day. We called it Pepper-pot--that is to say,
+although it differed somewhat from the West Indian concoction of that
+name, for which the following is the recipe:--
+
+     Put the remains of any cold flesh or fowl into a saucepan,
+     and cover with _cassaripe_--which has been already described in
+     the Curry chapter as extract of Manioc root. Heat up the stew
+     and serve.
+
+Our pepper-pot was usually made in a gipsy-kettle, suspended from
+a tripod. The foundation of the stew was always a tin of some kind
+of soup. Then a few goat chops--mutton is bad to buy out in the
+jungle--and then any bird or beast that may have been shot, divided
+into fragments. I have frequently made a stew of this sort, with so
+many ingredients in it that the flavour when served out at table--or
+on the bullock-trunk which often did duty for a table--would have
+beaten the wit of man to describe. There was hare soup "intil't" (as
+the Scotsman said to the late Prince Consort), and a collop or two of
+buffalo-beef, with snipe, quails, and jungle-fowl. There were half the
+neck of an antelope and a few sliced onions lurking within the bowl.
+And there were potatoes "intil't," and plenty of pepper and salt. And
+for lack of cassaripe we flavoured the savoury mess with mango chutnee
+and Tapp sauce. And if any cook, English or foreign, can concoct a
+more worthy dish than this, or more grateful to the palate, said cook
+can come my way.
+
+The old _dak gharry_ method of travelling in India may well come under
+the head of Camping Out. In the hot weather we usually progressed--or
+got emptied into a ditch--or collided with something else, during
+the comparative "coolth" of the night; resting (which in Hindustan
+usually means perspiring and calling the country names) all day at one
+or other of the _dak bungalows_ provided by a benevolent Government
+for the use of the wandering _sahib_. The larder at one of those
+rest-houses was seldom well filled. Although the _khansamah_ who
+prostrated himself in the sand at your approach would declare that
+he was prepared to supply everything which the protector-of-the-poor
+might deign to order, it would be found on further inquiry that the
+_khansamah_ had, like the Player Queen in Hamlet, protested too
+much--that he was a natural romancer. And his "everything" usually
+resolved itself into a "spatch-cock," manufactured from the spectral
+rooster, who had heralded the approach of the _sahib's_ caravan.
+
+
+                             _A Rajah's_
+
+ideas of hospitality are massive. Labouring under the belief that
+the white _sahib_ when not eating must necessarily be drinking, the
+commissariat arrangements of Rajahdom are on a colossal scale--for
+the chief benefit of his _major domo_. I might have bathed in dry
+champagne, had the idea been pleasing, whilst staying with a certain
+genial prince, known to irreverent British subalterns as "Old
+Coppertail"; whilst the bedroom furniture was on the same liberal
+scale. True, I lay on an ordinary native _charpoy_, which might
+have been bought in the bazaar for a few _annas_, but there was
+a grand piano in one corner of the apartment, and a buhl cabinet
+containing rare china in another. There was a coloured print of the
+Governor-General over the doorway, and an oil painting of the Judgment
+of Solomon over the mantelshelf. And on a table within easy reach of
+the bed was a silver-plated dinner service, decked with fruits and
+sweetmeats, and tins of salmon, and pots of Guava jelly and mixed
+pickles, and two tumblers, each of which would have easily held a
+week-old baby. And there was a case of champagne beneath that table,
+with every appliance for cutting wires and extracting the corks.
+
+Another time the writer formed one of a small party invited to share
+the hospitality of a potentate, whose estate lay on the snowy side
+of Simla. The fleecy element, however, was not in evidence in June,
+the month of our visit, although towards December Simla herself is
+usually wrapt in the white mantle, and garrisoned by monkeys, who
+have fled from the land of ice. Tents had been erected for us in a
+barren-looking valley, somewhat famous, however, for the cultivation
+of potatoes. There was an annual celebration of some sort, the day
+after our arrival, and for breakfast that morning an _al fresco_ meal
+had been prepared for us, almost within whispering distance of an
+heathen temple. And it _was_ a breakfast! There was a turkey stuffed
+with a fowl, to make the breast larger, and there was a "Europe" ham.
+A tin of lobster, a bottle of pickled walnuts, a dreadful concoction,
+alleged to be an omelette, but looking more like the sole of a tennis
+shoe, potatoes, boiled eggs, a dish of Irish stew, a fry of small
+fish, a weird-looking curry, a young goat roasted whole, and a plum
+pudding!
+
+The tea had hardly been poured out--Kussowlie beer, Epps's cocoa, and
+(of course) champagne, and John Exshaw's brandy were also on tap--when
+a gentleman with very little on proceeded to decapitate a goat at
+the foot of the temple steps. This was somewhat startling, but when
+the (presumed) high-priest chopped off the head of another bleating
+victim, our meal was interrupted. The executions had been carried out
+in very simple fashion. First, the priest sprinkled a little water on
+the neck of the victim (who was held in position by an assistant), and
+then retired up the steps. Then, brandishing a small sickle, he rushed
+back, and in an instant off went the head, which was promptly carried,
+reeking with gore, within the temple. But if, as happened more than
+once, the head was not sliced off at the initial attempt, it was left
+on the ground when decapitation had been at length effected. The deity
+inside was evidently a bit particular!
+
+Nine goats had been sacrificed, ere our remonstrances were attended
+to; and we were allowed to pursue our meal in peace. But I don't think
+anybody had goat for breakfast that morning.
+
+Later on, the fun of the fair commenced, and the _paharis_, or hill
+men, trooped in from miles round, with their sisters, cousins, and
+aunts. Their wives, we imagined, were too busily occupied in carrying
+their accustomed loads of timber to and fro. Your Himalayan delights
+in a fair, and the numerous swings and roundabouts were all well
+patronised; whilst the jugglers, and the snake charmers--in many
+instances it was difficult to tell at a glance which was charmer and
+which snake--were all well patronised. Later on, when the lamps had
+been lit, a _burra nâtch_ was started, and the Bengali Baboos who
+had come all the way from Simla in _dhoolies_ to be present at this,
+applauded vigorously. And our host being in constant dread lest we
+should starve to death or expire of thirst, never tired of bidding us
+to a succession of banquets at which we simply went through the forms
+of eating, to please him. And just when we began to get sleepy these
+simple hill folks commenced to dance amongst themselves. They were
+just a little monotonous, their choregraphic efforts. Parties of men
+linked arms and sidled around fires of logs, singing songs of their
+mountain homes the while. And as they were evidently determined to
+make a night of it, sleep for those who understood not the game, with
+their tents close handy, was out of the question. And when, as soon
+as we could take our departure decently and decorously, we started
+up the hill again, those doleful monotonous dances were still in
+progress, although the fires were out, and the voices decidedly husky.
+A native of the Himalayas is nothing if not energetic--in his own
+interests be it understood.
+
+A few months later I formed one of a small party who embarked on a
+more important expedition than the last named, although we traversed
+the same road. It is a journey which has frequently been made since,
+from Simla to Cashmere, going as far into the land of the Great Llama
+as the inhabitants will allow the stranger to do--which is not very
+far; but, in the early sixties there were but few white men who had
+even skirted Thibet. In the afternoon of life, when stirring the
+fire has become preferable to stirring adventure, it seems (to the
+writer at all events) very like an attempt at self-slaughter to have
+travelled so many hundreds of miles along narrow goatpaths, with a
+_khud_ (precipice) of thousands of feet on one side or the other;
+picking one's way, if on foot, over the frequent avalanche (or "land
+slip," as we called it in those days) of shale or granite; or if
+carried in a _dhoolie_--which is simply a hammock attached by straps
+to a bamboo pole--running the risk of being propelled over a precipice
+by your heathen carriers. It is not the pleasantest of sensations
+to cross a mountain torrent by means of a frail bridge (called a
+_jhula_) of ropes made from twigs, and stretched many feet above the
+torrent itself, nor to "weather" a corner, whilst clinging tooth
+and nail to the face of a cliff. And when there is any riding to be
+done, most people would prefer a hill pony to a _yak_, the native ox
+of Thibet. By far the best part of a _yak_ is his beautiful silky,
+fleecy tail, which is largely used in Hindustan, by dependants of
+governors-general, commanders-in-chief, and other mighty ones, for the
+discomfiture of the frequent fly. A very little equestrian exercise on
+the back of a _yak_ goes a long way; and if given my choice, I would
+sooner ride a stumbling cab-horse in a saddle with spikes in it.
+
+But those days were our salad ones; we were not only "green of
+judgment," but admirers of the beautiful, and reckless of danger.
+But it was decidedly "roughing it." As it is advisable to traverse
+that track as lightly laden as possible, we took but few "Europe"
+provisions with us, depending upon the villages, for the most part,
+for our supplies. We usually managed to buy a little flour, wherewith
+to make the inevitable _chupati_, and at some of the co-operative
+stores _en route_, we obtained mutton of fair flavour. We did not know
+in those days that flesh exposed to the air, in the higher ranges of
+the Himalayas, will not putrefy, else we should have doubtless made
+a species of _biltong_ of the surplus meat, to carry with us in case
+of any famine about. So "short commons" frequently formed the bill
+of fare. Our little stock of brandy was carefully husbanded, against
+illness; and, judging from the subsequent histories of two of the
+party, this was the most miraculous feature of the expedition. For
+liquid refreshment we had neat water, and _thé à la mode de Thibet_.
+Doctor Nansen, in his book on the crossing of Greenland, inveighs
+strongly against the use of alcohol in an Arctic expedition; but I
+confess that the first time I tasted Thibet tea I would have given
+both my ears for a soda and brandy. The raw tea was compressed into
+the shape of a brick, with the aid of--we did not inquire what; its
+infusion was drunk, either cold or lukewarm, flavoured with salt, and
+a small lump of butter which in any civilised police court would have
+gained the vendor a month's imprisonment without the option of a fine.
+
+The people of the district were in the habit of gorging themselves
+with flesh when they could get it; and polyandry was another of their
+pleasant customs. We saw one lady who was married to three brothers,
+but did not boast of it. Thibet is probably the most priest-ridden
+country in the world, and ought to be the most religious; for the
+natives can grind out their prayers, on wheels, at short intervals, in
+pretty much the same way as we grind our coffee in dear old England.
+
+But we reached the promised land at last; and here at least there
+was no lack of food and drink. Meat was cheap in those days; and one
+of the party, without any bargaining whatever, purchased a sheep for
+eight annas, or one shilling sterling. Mutton is not quite as cheap at
+the time of writing this book (1897), I believe; but in the long ago
+there were but few English visitors to the land of Lalla Rookh, and
+those who did go had to obtain permission of the Rajah, through the
+British Resident.
+
+With improved transit, and a railroad from Rangoon to Mandalay,
+matters gastronomic may be better in British Burmah nowadays; but in
+the course of an almost world-wide experience I have never enjoyed
+food less than in Pagoda-land during the sixties. And as a Burmese
+built house was not a whit more comfortable than a tent, and far
+less waterproof, this subject may well be included in the chapter
+headed "Camping Out." Fruits there were, varied and plentiful; and
+if you only planted the crown of a pine-apple in your compound one
+evening you would probably find a decent-sized pine-apple above
+ground next--well, next week. At least so they told me when I arrived
+in the country. This fruit, in fact, was so plentiful that we used
+to peel the pines, and gnaw them, just like a school-boy would gnaw
+the ordinary variety of apple. But we had no mutton--not up the
+country, that is to say; and we were entirely dependent upon Madras
+for potatoes. Therefore, as there was only a steamer once a month
+from Madras to Rangoon, which invariably missed the Irrawaddy monthly
+mail-boat, we "exiles" had to content ourselves with yams, or the
+abominable "preserved" earth-apple. The insects of the air wrestled
+with us at the mess-table, for food; and the man who did not swallow
+an evil-tasting fly of some sort in his soup was lucky.[9] As for the
+food of the Burman himself, "absolutely beastly" was no name for it.
+Strips of cat-fish the colour of beef were served at his marriage
+feasts; and he was especially fond of a condiment the name of which
+was pronounced _nuppee_--although that is probably not the correct
+spelling, and I never studied the language of that country--which was
+concocted from a smaller description of fish, buried in the earth
+until decomposition had triumphed, and then mashed up with _ghee_
+(clarified--and "postponed"--butter). There was, certainly, plenty of
+shooting to be obtained in the district; but, as it rained in torrents
+for nine months in every year, the shooter required a considerable
+amount of nerve, and, in addition to a Boyton suit, case-hardened
+lungs and throat. And, singularly enough, it was an established fact
+that if loaded for snipe you invariably met a tiger, or something
+else with sharp teeth, and _vice versa_. Also, you were exceptionally
+fortunate if you did not step upon one of the venomous snakes of the
+country, of whom the _hamadryad's_ bite was said to be fatal within
+five minutes. I had omitted to mention that snake is also a favourite
+food of the Burman; and as I seldom went home of an evening without
+finding a rat-snake or two in the verandah, or the arm-chair, the
+natives had snake for breakfast, most days. The rat-snake is, however,
+quite harmless to life.
+
+I have "camped out" in England once or twice; once with a select
+circle of gipsies, the night before the Derby. I wished merely to
+study character; and, after giving them a few words of the Romany
+dialect, and a good deal of tobacco, I was admitted into their
+confidences. But the experience gained was not altogether pleasing,
+nor yet edifying; nor did we have baked hedgehog for supper. In
+fact I have never yet met the "gippo" (most of them keep fowls) who
+will own to having tasted this _bonne bouche_ of the descriptive
+writer. Possibly this is on account of the scarcity of the hedgehog.
+"Tea-kettle broth"--bread sopped in water, with a little salt and
+dripping to flavour the soup--on the other hand, figures on most
+of the gipsy _menus_. And upon one occasion, very early in the
+morning, another wanderer and the writer obtained much-needed liquid
+refreshment by milking the yield of a Jersey cow into each other's
+mouths, alternately. But this was a long time ago, and in the
+neighbourhood of Bagshot Heath, and it was somebody else's cow; so let
+no more be said about it.
+
+I fear this chapter is not calculated to make many mouths water. In
+fact what in the world has brought it into the midst of a work on
+gastronomy I am at a loss to make out. However here it is.
+
+
+
+
+                            CHAPTER XVIII
+
+                           COMPOUND DRINKS
+
+                   "Flow wine! Smile woman!
+                    And the universe is consoled."
+
+     Derivation of punch--"Five"--The "milk" brand--The best
+     materials--Various other punches--Bischoff or Bishop--"Halo"
+     punch--Toddy--The toddy tree of India--Flip--A "peg"--John
+     Collins--Out of the guard-room.
+
+
+The subject of PUNCH is such an important one that it may be placed
+first on the list of dainty beverages which can be made by the art or
+application of man or woman.
+
+First, let us take the origin of the word. DOCTOR KITCHENER, an
+acknowledged authority, during his lifetime, on all matters connected
+with eating and drinking, has laid it down that punch is of West
+Indian origin, and that the word when translated, means "five";
+because there be five ingredients necessary in the concoction of the
+beverage. But Doctor Kitchener and his disciples (of whom there be
+many) may go to the bottom of the cookery class; for although from the
+large connection which rum and limes have with the mixture, there
+would seem to be a West Indian flavour about it; the word "five,"
+when translated into West Indianese, is nothing like "punch." Having
+satisfied themselves that this is a fact, modern authorities have
+tried the East Indies for the source of the name, and have discovered
+that _panch_ in Hindustani really does mean "five." "Therefore," says
+one modern authority, "it is named punch from the five ingredients
+which compose it--(1) spirit, (2) acid, (3) spice, (4) sugar, (5)
+water." Another modern authority calls punch "a beverage introduced
+into England from India, and so called from being usually made of
+five (Hindi, _panch_) ingredients--arrack, tea, sugar, water, and
+lemon juice." This sounds far more like an East Indian concoction than
+the other; but at the same time punch--during the latter half of the
+nineteenth century at all events--was as rare a drink in Hindustan as
+_bhang_ in Great Britain. The _panch_ theory is an ingenious one, but
+there are plenty of other combinations (both liquid and solid) of five
+to which the word punch is never applied; and about the last beverage
+recommended by the faculty for the consumption of the sojourner in the
+land of the Great Mogul, would, I should think, be the entrancing,
+seductive one which we Britons know under the name of punch. Moreover
+it is not every punch-concoctor who uses five ingredients. In the
+minds of some--youthful members of the Stock Exchange, for the most
+part--water is an altogether unnecessary addition to the alcoholic
+mixture which is known by the above name. And what manner of man would
+add spice to that delight of old Ireland, "a jug o' punch?" On the
+other hand, in many recipes, there are more than five ingredients used.
+
+But after all, the origin of the name is of but secondary importance,
+as long as you can make punch. Therefore, we will commence with a few
+recipes for
+
+
+                            _Milk Punch_.
+
+     1. Three bottles of rum.
+     The most delicately-flavoured rum is the "Liquid Sunshine" brand.
+     One bottle of sherry.
+     13 lbs of loaf-sugar.
+     The rind of six lemons, and the juice of twelve.
+     One quart of boiling skimmed milk.
+
+     Mix together, let the mixture stand eight days, stirring
+     it each day. Strain and bottle, and let it stand three months.
+     Then re-bottle, and let the bottles lie on their sides in the
+     cellar for two years, to mature. The flavour will be much
+     better than if drunk after the first period of three months.
+
+It is not everybody, however, who would care to wait two years, three
+months, and eight days for the result of his efforts in punch-making.
+Therefore another recipe may be appended; and in this one no "close
+time" is laid down for the consumption of the mixture.
+
+     2. Put into a bottle of rum or brandy the thinly-pared
+     rinds of three Seville oranges, and three lemons. Cork tightly
+     for two days. Rub off on 2 lbs of lump sugar the rinds of six
+     lemons, squeeze the juice from the whole of the fruit over
+     the 2 lbs of sugar, add three quarts of boiling water, one
+     of boiling milk, half a teaspoonful of nutmeg, and mix all
+     thoroughly well together until the sugar is dissolved. Pour in
+     the rum or brandy, stir, and strain till clear; bottle closely.
+
+There is more than one objection to this recipe. (1) Rum, and not
+brandy (by itself), should be used for milk punch. (2) There is an
+"intolerable amount" of water; and (3) the nutmeg had better remain in
+the spice-box.
+
+     3. Cut off the thin yellow rind of four lemons and a
+     Seville orange, taking care not to include even a fragment of
+     the _white_ rind, and place in a basin. Pour in one pint of
+     Jamaica rum, and let it stand, covered over, twelve hours.
+     Then strain, and mix with it one pint of lemon juice, and two
+     pints of cold water, in which one pound of sugar-candy has
+     been dissolved; add the whites of two eggs, beaten to a froth,
+     three pints more of rum, one pint of madeira, one pint of
+     strong green tea, and a large wine-glassful of maraschino. Mix
+     thoroughly, and pour over all one pint of boiling milk. Let the
+     punch stand a little while, then strain through a jelly-bag,
+     and either use at once, or bottle off.
+
+Here let it be added, lest the precept be forgotten, that the
+
+
+                        _Very best Materials_
+
+are absolutely necessary for the manufacture of punch, as of other
+compound drinks. In the above recipe for instance by "madeira," is
+meant "Rare Old East Indian," and _not_ marsala, which wine, in
+French kitchens, is invariably used as the equivalent of madeira.
+There must be no inferior sherry, Gladstone claret, cheap champagne,
+nor potato-brandy, used for any of my recipes, or I will not be
+responsible for the flavour of the beverage. The following is the best
+idea of a milk punch known to the writer:--
+
+     4. Over the yellow rind of four lemons and one Seville
+     orange, pour one pint of rum. Let it stand, covered over, for
+     twelve hours. Strain and mix in two pints more of rum, one pint
+     of brandy, one pint of sherry, half-a-pint of lemon juice, the
+     expressed juice of a peeled pine-apple, one pint of green tea,
+     one pound of sugar dissolved in one quart of boiling water, the
+     whites of two eggs beaten up, one quart of boiling milk. Mix
+     well, let it cool, and then strain through a jelly-bag, and
+     bottle off.
+
+This punch is calculated to make the epicure forget that he has just
+been partaking of conger-eel broth instead of clear turtle.
+
+
+                       _Cambridge Milk Punch._
+
+     This a fairly good boys' beverage, there being absolutely
+     "no offence in't." Put the rind of half a lemon (small) into
+     one pint of new milk, with twelve lumps of sugar. Boil very
+     slowly for fifteen minutes, then remove from the fire, take out
+     the lemon rind, and mix in the yolk of one egg, which has been
+     previously blended with one tablespoonful of cold milk, two
+     tablespoonfuls of brandy, and four of rum. Whisk all together,
+     and when the mixture is frothed, it is ready to serve.
+
+
+                           _Oxford Punch._
+
+There is no milk in this mixture, which sounds like "for'ard on!" for
+the undergraduate who for the first time samples it.
+
+     Rub off the yellow rind of three lemons with half-a-pound
+     of loaf sugar. Put the result into a large jug, with the yellow
+     rind of one Seville orange, the juice of three Seville oranges
+     and eight lemons, and one pint of liquefied calf's-foot jelly.
+     Mix thoroughly, then pour over two quarts of boiling water,
+     and set the jug on the hob for thirty minutes. Strain the
+     mixture into a punch-bowl, and when cool add one small bottle
+     of capillaire (an infusion of maidenhair fern, flavoured with
+     sugar and orange-flower water); one pint of brandy, one pint
+     of rum, half-a-pint of dry sherry, and one quart of orange
+     shrub--a mixture of orange-peel, juice, sugar, and rum.
+
+After drinking this, the young student will be in a fit state to
+sally forth, with his fellows, and "draw" a Dean, or drown an amateur
+journalist.
+
+I have a very old recipe, in MS., for "Bischoff," which I take to
+be the original of the better known beverage called "Bishop," for
+the manufacture of which I have also directions. For the sake of
+comparison I give the two.
+
+
+                             _Bischoff._
+
+     Cut into four parts each, three Seville oranges, and
+     slightly score the rinds across with a sharp knife. Roast the
+     quarters lightly before a slow fire, and put them into a bowl
+     with two bottles of claret, with a little cinnamon and nutmeg.
+     Infuse this mixture over a slow heat for five or six hours,
+     then pass it through a jelly-bag, and sweeten. It may be drunk
+     hot or cold, but in any case must never be allowed to boil.
+
+
+                              _Bishop._
+
+     Two drachmas each of cloves, mace, ginger, cinnamon, and
+     allspice, boiled in half-a-pint of water for thirty minutes.
+     Strain. Put a bottle of port in a saucepan over the fire, add
+     the spiced infusion, and a lemon stuck with six cloves. Whilst
+     this is heating gradually--it must not boil--take four ounces
+     of loaf sugar, and with the lumps grate off the outer rind of a
+     lemon into a punch-bowl. Add the sugar, and juice, and the hot
+     wine, etc. Add another bottle of port, and serve either hot or
+     cold.
+
+I am prepared to lay a shade of odds on the "op" against the "off."
+
+Another old recipe has been quoted in some of my earlier public
+efforts, under different names. I have improved considerably upon the
+proportion of the ingredients, and now hand the whole back, under the
+name of
+
+
+                            _Halo Punch_.
+
+     With a quarter pound of loaf sugar rub off the outer rind
+     of one lemon and two Seville oranges. Put rind and sugar into
+     a large punch-bowl with the juice and pulp, mix the sugar well
+     with the juice and one teacupful of boiling water, and stir
+     till cold. Add half-a-pint of pine-apple syrup, one pint of
+     strong green tea, a claret-glassful of maraschino, a smaller
+     glassful of noyeau, half-a-pint of white rum, one pint of
+     brandy, and one bottle of champagne. Strain and serve, having,
+     if necessary, added more sugar.
+
+Note well the proportions. This is the same beverage which some
+Cleveland friends of mine, having read the recipe, thought _boiling_
+would improve. The result was--well, a considerable amount of chaos.
+
+
+                           _Glasgow Punch._
+
+The following is from _Peter's Letters to his Kinsfolk_, and is from
+the pen of John Gibson Lockhart:--
+
+     The sugar being melted with a little _cold_ water, the
+     artist squeezed about a dozen lemons through a wooden strainer,
+     and then poured in water enough almost to fill the bowl. In
+     this state the liquor goes by the name of sherbet, and a few of
+     the connoisseurs in his immediate neighbourhood were requested
+     to give their opinion of it--for in the mixing of the sherbet
+     lies, according to the Glasgow creed, at least one-half of the
+     whole battle. This being approved of by an audible smack from
+     the lips of the umpires, the rum was added to the beverage, I
+     suppose, in something about the proportion from one to seven.
+
+Does this mean one of sherbet and seven of rum, or the converse?
+
+     Last of all, the maker cut a few limes, and running each
+     section rapidly round the rim of his bowl, squeezed in enough
+     of this more delicate acid to flavour the whole composition. In
+     this consists the true _tour-de-maitre_ of the punch-maker.
+
+Well, possibly; but it seems a plainish sort of punch; and unless the
+rum be allowed to preponderate, most of us would be inclined to call
+the mixture lemonade. And I do not believe that since Glasgow has been
+a city its citizens ever drank much of _that_.
+
+A few more punches, and then an anecdote.
+
+
+                             _Ale Punch._
+
+     One quart of mild ale in a bowl, add one wine-glassful of
+     brown sherry, the same quantity of old brandy, a tablespoonful
+     of sifted sugar, the peel and juice of one lemon, a grate of
+     nutmeg, and an iceberg.
+
+     _N.B._--Do not insert old ale, by mistake. And for my own
+     part, I think it a mistake to mix John Barleycorn with wine
+     (except champagne) and spirits.
+
+
+                          _Barbadoes Punch._
+
+     A tablespoonful of raspberry syrup, a ditto of sifted
+     sugar, a wine-glassful of water, double that quantity of
+     brandy, half a wine-glassful of guava jelly, liquid, the juice
+     of half a lemon, two slices of orange, one slice of pine-apple,
+     in a long tumbler. Ice and shake well and drink through straws.
+
+
+                           _Curaçoa Punch._
+
+     Put into a large tumbler one tablespoonful of sifted
+     sugar, one wine-glassful of brandy, the same quantity of
+     water, half a wine-glassful of Jamaica rum, a wine-glassful of
+     curaçoa, and the juice of half a lemon; fill the tumbler with
+     crushed ice, shake, and drink through straws.
+
+
+                           _Grassot Punch._
+
+     This has nothing to do with warm asparagus, so have
+     no fear. It is simply another big-tumbler mixture, of one
+     wine-glassful of brandy, a liqueur-glassful of curaçoa, a
+     squeeze of lemon, two teaspoonfuls sugar, one of syrup of
+     strawberries, one wine-glassful of water, and the thin rind of
+     a lemon; fill up the tumbler with crushed ice, shake, and put
+     slices of ripe apricots atop. Drink how you like.
+
+Most of the above are hot-weather beverages, and the great beauty
+of some of them will be found in the small quantity of water in the
+mixture. Here is a punch which may be drunk in any weather, and either
+hot or cold.
+
+
+                           _Regent Punch._
+
+     Pour into a bowl a wine-glassful of champagne, the same
+     quantities of hock, curaçoa, rum, and madeira. Mix well, and
+     add a pint of boiling tea, sweetened. Stir well and serve.
+
+_Apropos_ of the derivation of "punch," I was unaware until quite
+recently that Messrs. Bradbury's & Agnew's little paper had any
+connection therewith. But I was assured by one who knew all about it,
+that such was the case.
+
+"What?" I exclaimed. "How can the _London Charivari_ possibly have
+anything to do with this most seductive of beverages?"
+
+"My dear fellow," was the reply, "have you never heard of Mark
+_Lemon_?"
+
+I turned to smite him hip and thigh; but the jester had fled.
+
+And now a word or two as to "TODDY." One of the authorities quoted
+in the punch difficulty declares that toddy is also an Indian drink.
+So it is. But that drink no more resembles what is known in more
+civilised lands as toddy than I resemble the late king Solomon. The
+palm-sap which the poor Indian distils into arrack and occasionally
+drinks in its natural state for breakfast after risking his neck in
+climbing trees to get it, can surely have no connection with hot
+whisky and water? Yet the authority says so; but he had best be
+careful ere he promulgates his theory in the presence of Scotsmen and
+others who possess special toddy-glasses. This is how I make
+
+
+                           _Whisky Toddy_.
+
+     The Irish call this whisky punch. But do not let us
+     wrangle over the name. Into an ordinary-sized tumbler which
+     has been warmed, put one average lump of sugar, a ring of thin
+     lemon peel, and a silver teaspoon. Fill the tumbler one quarter
+     full of water as near boiling point as possible. Cover over
+     until the sugar be dissolved and peel be infused. Then add one
+     wine-glassful--not a small one--of the best whisky you can
+     find--the "Pollok" brand, and the "R.B." are both excellent.
+     Then drink the toddy, or punch; for should you attempt to add
+     any more water you will incur the lifelong contempt of every
+     Irishman or Scotsman who may be in the same room. If Irish
+     whisky be used, of course you will select "John Jameson."
+
+     'Twixt ale-flip and egg-flip there is not much more
+     difference than 'twixt tweedledum and tweedledee. Both are
+     equally "more-ish" on a cold evening; and no Christmas eve is
+     complete without a jug of one or the other.
+
+
+                             _Ale-flip._
+
+     Pour into a saucepan three pints of mild ale, one
+     tablespoonful of sifted sugar, a blade of mace, a clove, and
+     a small piece of butter; and bring the liquor to a boil. Beat
+     up in a basin the white of one egg and the yolks of two, mixed
+     with about a wine-glassful of cold ale. Mix all together in the
+     saucepan, then pour into a jug, and thence into another jug,
+     from a height, for some minutes, to froth the flip thoroughly
+     but do not let it get cold.
+
+
+                             _Egg-flip._
+
+     Heat one pint of ale, and pour into a jug. Add two eggs,
+     beaten with three ounces of sugar, and pour the mixture from
+     one jug to the other, as in the preceding recipe. Grate a
+     little nutmeg and ginger over the flip before serving.
+
+Were I to ask What is
+
+
+                               _A Peg_?
+
+I should probably be told that a peg was something to hang something
+or somebody else on, or that it was something to be driven through or
+into something else. And the latter would be the more correct answer,
+for at the time of my sojourn in the great continent of India, a peg
+meant a large brandy-and-soda. At that time whisky was but little
+known in Punkahland, and was only used high up in the Punjaub during
+the "cold weather"--and it is cold occasionally in that region, where
+for some months they are enabled to make ice--but that is _une autre
+histoire_. Rum I once tasted at Simla, and gin will be dealt with
+presently. But since the visit of H.R.H. the Prince of Wales, a peg
+has always signified a _whisky_-and-soda. And yet we have not heard of
+any particular decrease in the death-rate. Despite what those who have
+only stayed a month or two in the country have committed to print,
+alcohol is _not_ more fatal in a tropical country than a temperate
+one. But you must not overdo your alcohol. I have seen a gay young
+spark, a fine soldier, and over six feet in height, drink _eight_ pegs
+of a morning, ere he got out of bed. There was no such thing as a
+"split soda"--or a split brandy either--in those days. We buried him
+in the Bay of Bengal just after a cyclone, on our way home.
+
+By the way, the real meaning of "peg" was said to be the peg, or nail,
+driven into the coffin of the drinker every time he partook. And the
+coffin of many an Anglo-Indian of my acquaintance was all nails. A
+
+
+                            _John Collins_
+
+is simply a gin-sling with a little curaçoa in it. That is to say,
+soda-water, a slice of lemon, curaçoa--and gin. But by altering the
+proportions this can be made a very dangerous potion indeed. The
+officers of a certain regiment--which shall be nameless--were in the
+habit of putting this potion on tap, after dinner on a guest night.
+It was a point of honour in those evil, though poetical, times, to
+send no guest empty away, and more than one of those entertained by
+this regiment used to complain next morning at breakfast--a peg, or
+a swizzle, and a hot pickle sandwich--of the escape of "Private John
+Collins" from the regimental guard-room. For towards dawn there would
+not be much soda-water in that potion--which was usually served hot at
+that hour.
+
+
+
+
+                             CHAPTER XIX
+
+                          CUPS AND CORDIALS
+
+            "Can any mortal mixture
+             Breathe such divine, enchanting ravishment?"
+
+             "The evil that men do lives after them."
+
+     Five recipes for claret cup--Balaclava
+     cup--Orgeat--Ascot cup--Stout and champagne--Shandy-gaff
+     for millionaires--Ale cup--Cobblers which will
+     stick to the last--Home Ruler--Cherry brandy--Sloe
+     gin--Home-made, if possible--A new industry--Apricot
+     brandy--Highland cordial--Bitters--Jumping-powder--Orange
+     brandy--"Mandragora"--"Sleep rock thy brain!"
+
+
+I suppose there are almost as many recipes for claret cup as for a
+cold in the head. And of the many it is probable that the greater
+proportion will produce a cup which will neither cheer nor inebriate;
+for the simple reason that nobody, who was not inebriated already,
+would be physically capable of drinking enough of it. Let us first of
+all take the late Mr. Donald's recipe for
+
+Claret Cup:
+
+      _A._ 1 bottle claret.
+           1 wine-glassful fine pale brandy.
+           ½ do. chartreuse yellow.
+           ½ do. curaçoa.
+           ¼ do. maraschino.
+           2 bottles soda or seltzer.[10]
+           1 lemon, cut in thin slices.
+           A few sprigs of borage; not much.
+           Ice and sugar to taste.
+
+Here is a less expensive recipe:
+
+     _B._ Put into a bowl the rind of one lemon pared very
+     thin, add some sifted sugar, and pour over it a wine-glassful
+     of sherry; then add a bottle of claret, more sugar to taste,
+     a sprig of verbena, one bottle of aerated water, and a grated
+     nutmeg; strain and ice it well.
+
+Once more let the fact be emphasised that the better the wine, spirit,
+etc., the better the cup.
+
+Here is a good cup for Ascot, when the sun is shining, and you are
+entertaining the fair sex.
+
+     _C._ Put in a large bowl three bottles of claret (St.
+     Estephe is the stamp of wine), a wine-glassful (large) of
+     curaçoa, a pint of dry sherry, half a pint of old brandy, a
+     large wine-glassful of raspberry syrup, three oranges and one
+     lemon cut into slices; add a few sprigs of borage and a little
+     cucumber rind, two bottles of seltzer water, and three bottles
+     of Stretton water. Mix well, and sweeten. Let it stand for an
+     hour, and then strain. Put in a large block of ice, and a few
+     whole strawberries. Serve in small tumblers.
+
+Another way and a simpler:
+
+     _D._ Pour into a large jug one bottle of claret, add two
+     wine-glassfuls of sherry, and half a glass of maraschino. Add
+     a few sliced nectarines, or peaches, and sugar to taste (about
+     a tablespoonful and a half). Let it stand till the sugar is
+     dissolved, then put in a sprig of borage. Just before using add
+     one bottle of Stretton water, and a large piece of ice.
+
+My ideal claret cup:
+
+      _E._ 2 bottles Pontet Canet.
+           2 wine-glassfuls old brandy.
+           1 wine-glassful curaçoa.
+           1 pint bottle sparkling moselle.
+           2 bottles aerated water.
+
+     A sprig or two of borage, and a little lemon peel.
+
+     Sugar _ad lib._: one cup will not require much.
+
+     Add the moselle and popwater just before using; then put
+     in a large block of ice.
+
+Those who have never tried can have no idea of the zest which a small
+proportion of moselle lends to a claret cup.
+
+My earliest recollection of a cup dates from old cricketing days
+beneath "Henry's holy shade," on "a match day"--as poor old "Spanky"
+used to phrase it; a day on which that prince of philosophers and
+confectioners sold his wares for cash only. Not that he had anything
+to do with the compounding of the
+
+
+                             _Cider Cup_.
+
+     Toast a slice of bread and put it at the bottom of a
+     large jug. Grate over the toast nearly half a small nutmeg,
+     and a very little ginger. Add a little thin lemon rind, and
+     six lumps of sugar. Then add two wine-glasses of sherry, and
+     (if for adults) one of brandy. (If for boys the brandy in the
+     sherry will suffice.) Add also the juice of a small lemon,
+     two bottles of lively water, and (last of all) three pints of
+     cider. Mix well, pop in a few sprigs of borage, and a block or
+     two of ice.
+
+Remember once more that the purer the cider the better will be the
+cup. There is an infinity of bad cider in the market. There used
+to be a prejudice against the fermented juice of the apple for all
+who have gouty tendencies; but as a "toe-martyr" myself, I can bear
+testimony to the harmlessness of the "natural" Norfolk cider made at
+Attleborough, in the which is no touch of Podagra.
+
+For a good
+
+
+                           _Champagne Cup_
+
+_vide_ Claret Cup _A._ Substituting the "sparkling" for the "ruby,"
+the ingredients are precisely the same.
+
+A nice, harmless beverage, suitable for a tennis party, or to
+accompany the "light refreshments" served at a "Cinderella" dance, or
+at the "breaking-up" party at a ladies' school, is
+
+
+                            _Chablis Cup_.
+
+     Dissolve four or five lumps of sugar in a quarter of a
+     pint of boiling water, and put it into a bowl with a very
+     thin slice of lemon rind; let it stand for half-an-hour, then
+     add a bottle of chablis, a sprig of verbena, a wine-glassful
+     of sherry, and half-a-pint of water. Mix well, and let the
+     mixture stand for a while, then strain, add a bottle of seltzer
+     water, a few strawberries or raspberries, and a block of ice.
+     Serve in small glasses.
+
+
+                           _Balaclava Cup._
+
+                      "Claret to right of 'em,
+                       'Simpkin' to left of 'em--
+                       Cup worth a hundred!"
+
+     Get a large bowl, to represent the Valley--which only the
+     more rabid abstainer would call the "Valley of Death." You
+     will next require a small detachment of thin lemon rind, about
+     two tablespoonfuls of sifted sugar, the juice of two lemons,
+     and half a cucumber, cut into thin slices, with the peel on.
+     Let all these ingredients skirmish about within the bowl; then
+     bring up your heavy cavalry in the shape of two bottles of
+     Château something, and one of the best champagne you have got.
+     Last of all, unmask your soda-water battery; two bottles will
+     be sufficient. Ice, and serve in tumblers.
+
+
+                            _Crimean Cup._
+
+This is a very serious affair. So was the war. The cup, however, leads
+to more favourable results, and does not, like the campaign, leave a
+bitter taste in the mouth. Here are the ingredients:
+
+     One quart of syrup of orgeat (to make this _vide_
+     next recipe), one pint and a half of old brandy, half a
+     pint of maraschino, one pint of old rum, two large and one
+     small bottles of champagne, three bottles of Seltzer-water,
+     half-a-pound of sifted sugar, and the juice of five lemons.
+     Peel the lemons, and put the thin rind in a mortar, with the
+     sugar. Pound them well, and scrape the result with a silver
+     spoon into a large bowl. Squeeze in the juice of the lemons,
+     add the seltzer water, and stir till the sugar is quite
+     dissolved. Then add the orgeat, and whip the mixture well with
+     a whisk, so as to whiten it. Add the maraschino, rum, and
+     brandy, and strain the whole into another bowl. Just before
+     the cup is required, put in the champagne, and stir vigorously
+     with a punch ladle. The champagne should be well iced, as no
+     apparent ice is allowable in this mixture.
+
+
+                              _Orgeat._
+
+     Blanch and pound three-quarters of a pound of sweet
+     almonds, and thirty bitter almonds, in one tablespoonful of
+     water. Stir in by degrees two pints of water and three pints of
+     milk. Strain the mixture through a cloth. Dissolve half-a-pound
+     of loaf sugar in one pint of water. Boil and skim well, and
+     then mix with the almond water. Add two tablespoonfuls of
+     orange-flower water, and half-a-pint of old brandy. Be careful
+     to boil the _eaû sucré_ well, as this concoction must not be
+     too watery.
+
+
+                             _Ascot Cup._
+
+Odds can be laid freely on this; and the host should stay away
+from the temptations of the betting-ring, on purpose to make it.
+And--parenthetically be it observed--the man who has no soul for
+cup-making should never entertain at a race meeting. The servants will
+have other things to attend to; and even if they have not it should
+be remembered that a cup, or punch, like a salad, should always, if
+possible, be mixed by some one who is going to partake of the same.
+
+     Dissolve six ounces of sugar in half-a-pint of boiling
+     water; add the juice of three lemons, one pint of old brandy, a
+     wine-glassful of cherry brandy, a wine-glassful of maraschino,
+     half a wine-glassful of yellow chartreuse, two bottles of
+     champagne. All these should be mixed in a large silver bowl.
+     Add a few sprigs of borage, a few slices of lemon, half-a-dozen
+     strawberries, half-a-dozen brandied cherries, and three bottles
+     of seltzer water. Put the bowl, having first covered it over,
+     into the refrigerator for one hour, and before serving, put
+     a small iceberg into the mixture, which should be served in
+     little tumblers.
+
+How many people, I wonder, are aware that
+
+
+                   _Champagne and Guinness' Stout_
+
+make one of the best combinations possible? You may search the wide
+wide world for a cookery book which will give this information; but
+the mixture is both grateful and strengthening, and is, moreover, far
+to be preferred to what is known as
+
+
+                      _Rich Man's Shandy Gaff_,
+
+which is a mixture of champagne and ale. The old Irishman said that
+the "blackgyard" should never be placed atop of the "gintleman,"
+intending to convey the advice that ale should not be placed on the
+top of champagne. But the "black draught" indicated just above is well
+worth attention. It should be drunk out of a pewter tankard, and is
+specially recommended as a between-the-acts refresher for the amateur
+actor.
+
+
+                              _Ale Cup._
+
+     Squeeze the juice of a lemon into a round of hot toast;
+     lay on it a thin piece of the rind, a tablespoonful of pounded
+     sugar, a little grated nutmeg, and a sprig of balm. Pour over
+     these one glass of brandy, two glasses of sherry, and three
+     pints of mild ale. Do not allow the balm to remain in the
+     mixture many minutes.
+
+One of the daintiest of beverages is a
+
+
+                            _Moselle Cup_.
+
+     Ingredients: One bottle of moselle. One glass of brandy.
+     Four or five thin slices of pine-apple. The peel of half a
+     lemon, cut very thin. Ice; and sugar _ad lib_. Just before
+     using add one bottle of sparkling water.
+
+
+                           _Sherry Cobbler_
+
+     although a popular drink in America, is but little known
+     on this side of the Atlantic. Place in a soda-water tumbler
+     two wine-glassfuls of sherry, one tablespoonful of sifted
+     sugar, and two or three slices of orange. Fill the tumbler with
+     crushed ice, and shake well. Drink through straws.
+
+
+                         _Champagne Cobbler._
+
+     Put into a large tumbler one tablespoonful of sifted
+     sugar, with a thin paring of lemon and orange peel; fill the
+     tumbler one-third full of crushed ice, and the remainder with
+     champagne. Shake, and ornament with a slice of lemon, and a
+     strawberry or two. Drink through straws.
+
+
+                            _Home Ruler._
+
+     This was a favourite drink at the bars of the House
+     of Commons, during the reign of the Uncrowned King. It was
+     concocted of the yolks of two raw eggs, well beaten, a little
+     sugar added, then a tumbler of hot milk taken gradually into
+     the mixture, and last of all a large wine-glassful of "J.J."
+     whisky.
+
+
+                             _Cordials._
+
+In treating of cordials, it is most advisable that they be _home
+made_. The bulk of the cherry brandy, ginger brandy, etc., which is
+sold over the counter is made with inferior brandy; and frequently the
+operation of blending the virtue of the fruit with the spirit has been
+hurried.
+
+We will commence with the discussion of the favourite cordial of all,
+
+
+                           _Cherry Brandy_.
+
+     This can either be made from Black Gean cherries, or
+     Morellas, but the latter are better for the purpose. Every
+     pound of cherries will require one quarter of a pound of white
+     sugar, and one pint of the best brandy. The cherries, with the
+     sugar well mixed with them, should be placed in wide-mouthed
+     bottles, filled up with brandy; and if the fruit be previously
+     pricked, the mixture will be ready in a month. But a better
+     blend is procured if the cherries are untouched, and this
+     principle holds good with all fruit treated in this way, and
+     left corked for at least three months.
+
+
+                             _Sloe Gin._
+
+For years the sloe, which is the fruit of the black-thorn, was used in
+England for no other purpose than the manufacture of British Port.
+But at this end of the nineteenth century, the public have been, and
+are, taking kindly to the cordial, which for a long time had been
+despised as an "auld wife's drink." As a matter of fact, it is just
+as tasty, and almost as luscious as cherry brandy. But since sloe
+gin became fashionable, it has become almost impossible for dwellers
+within twenty or thirty miles of London to make the cordial at home.
+For sloes fetch something like sixpence or sevenpence a pound in
+the market; and in consequence the hedgerows are "raided" by the
+(otherwise) unemployed, the fruit being usually picked before the
+proper time, _i.e._ when the frost has been on it. The manufacture of
+sloe gin is as simple as that of cherry brandy.
+
+     All that is necessary to be done is to allow 1 lb. of
+     sugar (white) to 1 lb. of sloes. Half fill a bottle--which need
+     not necessarily be a wide-mouthed one--with sugared fruit, and
+     "top up" with gin. If the sloes have been pricked, the liquor
+     will be ready for use in two or three months; but _do not hurry
+     it_.
+
+In a year's time the gin will have eaten all the goodness out of the
+unpricked fruit, and it is in this gradual blending that the secret
+(as before observed) of making these cordials lies. As a rule, if you
+call for sloe gin at a licensed house of entertainment, you will get a
+ruby-coloured liquid, tasting principally of gin--and not good gin "at
+that." This is because the making has been hurried. Properly matured
+sloe gin should be the colour of full-bodied port wine.
+
+
+                          _Apricot Brandy._
+
+     This is a cordial which is but seldom met with in this
+     country. To every pound of fruit (which should not be quite
+     ripe) allow one pound of loaf sugar. Put the apricots into
+     a preserving-pan, with sufficient water to cover them. Let
+     them boil up, and then simmer gently until tender. Remove the
+     skins. Clarify and boil the sugar, then pour it over the fruit.
+     Let it remain twenty-four hours. Then put the apricots into
+     wide-mouthed bottles, and fill them up with syrup and brandy,
+     half and half. Cork them tightly, with the tops of corks
+     sealed. This apricot brandy should be prepared in the month of
+     July, and kept twelve months before using.
+
+
+                         _Highland Cordial._
+
+     Here is another rare old recipe. Ingredients, one pint of
+     white currants, stripped of their stalks, the thin rind of a
+     lemon, one teaspoonful of essence of ginger, and one bottle of
+     old Scotch whisky. Let the mixture stand for forty-eight hours,
+     and then strain through a hair sieve. Add one pound of loaf
+     sugar, which will take at least a day to thoroughly dissolve.
+     Then bottle off, and cork well. It will be ready for use in
+     three months, but will keep longer.
+
+
+                              _Bitters._
+
+     One ounce of Seville orange-peel, half an ounce of
+     gentian root, a quarter of an ounce of cardamoms. Husk the
+     cardamoms, and crush them with the gentian root. Put them in a
+     wide-mouthed bottle, and cover with brandy or whisky. Let the
+     mixture remain for twelve days, then strain, and bottle off for
+     use, after adding one ounce of lavender drops.
+
+
+                           _Ginger Brandy._
+
+     Bruise slightly two pounds of black currants, and mix
+     them with one ounce and a half of ground ginger. Pour over
+     them one bottle and a half of best brandy, and let the mixture
+     stand for two days. Strain off the liquid, and add one pound of
+     loaf sugar which has been boiled to a syrup in a little water.
+     Bottle and cork closely.
+
+
+                          "_Jumping Powder_"
+
+comes in very handy, on a raw morning, after you have ridden a dozen
+miles or so to a lawn meet. "No breakfast, thanks, just a wee nip,
+that's all." And the ever ready butler hands round the tray. If you
+are wise, you will declare on
+
+
+                           _Orange Brandy_
+
+which, as a rule, is well worth sampling, in a house important enough
+to entertain hunting men. And orange brandy "goes" much better than
+any other liqueur, or cordial, before noon.
+
+     It should be made in the month of March. Take the thin
+     rinds of six Seville oranges, and put them into a stone jar,
+     with half-a-pint of the strained juice, and two quarts of good
+     old brandy. Let it remain three days, then add one pound and
+     a quarter of loaf sugar--broken, not pounded--and stir till
+     the sugar is dissolved. Let the liquor stand a day, strain it
+     through paper till quite clear, pour into bottles, and cork
+     tightly. The longer it is kept the better.
+
+
+                            _Mandragora._
+
+"Can't sleep." Eh? What! not after a dry chapter on liquids? Drink
+this, and you will not require any rocking.
+
+     Simmer half-a-pint of old ale, and just as it is about to
+     boil pour it into a tumbler, grate a little nutmeg over it, and
+     add a teaspoonful of moist sugar, and two tablespoonfuls of
+     brandy. Good night, Hamlet!
+
+
+
+
+                              CHAPTER XX
+
+                          THE DAYLIGHT DRINK
+
+                    "Something too much of this."
+
+                    "A nipping and an eager air."
+
+     Evil effects of dram-drinking--The "Gin-crawl"--Abstinence
+     in H.M. service--City manners and customs--Useless to argue
+     with the soaker--Cocktails--Pet names for drams--The free lunch
+     system--Fancy mixtures--Why no Cassis?--Good advice like water
+     on a duck's back.
+
+
+Whilst holding the same opinion as the epicure who declared that good
+eating required good drinking, there is no question but that there
+should be a limit to both. There is, as Shakespeare told us, a tide
+in the affairs of man, so why should there not be in this particular
+affair? Why should it be only ebb tide during the few hours that the
+man is wrapped in the arms of a Bacchanalian Morpheus, either in
+bed or in custody? The abuse of good liquor is surely as criminal a
+folly as the abstention therefrom; and the man who mixes his liquors
+injudiciously lacks that refinement of taste and understanding which
+is necessary for the appreciation of a good deal of this book, or
+indeed of any other useful volume. Our grandfathers swore terribly,
+and drank deep; but their fun did not commence until after dinner. And
+they drank, for the most part, the best of ale, and such port wine
+as is not to be had in these days of free trade (which is only an
+euphemism for adulteration) and motor cars. Although mine own teeth
+are, periodically, set on edge by the juice of the grape consumed by
+an ancestor or two; although the gout within me is an heritage from
+the three-, aye! and four-, bottle era, I respect mine ancestors,
+in that they knew not "gin and bitters." The baleful habit of
+alcoholising the inner sinner between meal times, the pernicious habit
+of dram-drinking, or "nipping," from early morn till dewy eve, was not
+introduced into our cities until the latter half of the nineteenth
+century had set in. "Brandy-and-soda," at first only used as a
+"livener"--and a deadly livener it is--was unknown during the early
+Victorian era; and the "gin-crawl," that interminable slouch around
+the hostelries, is a rank growth of modernity.
+
+The "nipping habit" came to us, with other pernicious "notions," from
+across the Atlantic Ocean. It was Brother Jonathan who established the
+bar system; and although for the most part, throughout Great Britain,
+the alcohol is dispensed by young ladies with fine eyes and a great
+deal of adventitious hair, and the "bar-keep," with his big watch
+chain, and his "guns," placed within easy reach, for quick-shooting
+saloon practice, is unknown on this side, the hurt of the system
+(to employ an Americanism) "gets there just the same." There is not
+the same amount of carousing in the British army as in the days
+when I was a "gilded popinjay" (in the language of Mr. John Burns;
+"a five-and-twopenny assassin," in the words of somebody else). In
+those days the use of alcohol, if not absolutely encouraged for the
+use of the subaltern, was winked at by his superiors, as long as the
+subalterns were not on duty, or on the line of march--and I don't
+know so much about the line of march, either. But with any orderly or
+responsible duty to be done, the beverage of heroes was not admired.
+"Now mind," once observed our revered colonel, in the ante-room, after
+dinner, "none of you young officers get seeing snakes and things, or
+otherwise rendering yourselves unfit for service; or I'll try the lot
+of you by court martial, I will, by ----." Here the adjutant let the
+regimental bible drop with a bang. Tea is the favourite ante-room
+refreshment nowadays, when the officer, young or old, is always either
+on duty, or at school. And the education of the modern warrior is
+never completed.
+
+But the civilian--sing ho! the wicked civilian--is a reveller, and
+a winebibber, for the most part. Very little business is transacted
+except over what is called "a friendly glass." "I want seven hundred
+an' forty-five from you, old chappie," says Reggie de Beers of the
+"House," on settling day. "Right," replies his friend young "Berthas":
+"toss you double or quits. Down with it!" And it would be a cold
+day were not a magnum or two of "the Boy" to be opened over the
+transaction. The cheap eating-house keeper who has spent his morning
+at the "market," cheapening a couple of pigs, or a dozen scraggy
+fowls, will have spent double the money he has saved in the bargain,
+in rum and six-penny ale, ere he gets home again; and even a wholesale
+deal in evening journals, between two youths in the street, requires
+to be "wetted." Very sad is it not? But, as anything which I--who am
+popularly supposed to be something resembling a roysterer, but who
+am in reality one of the most discreet of those who enjoy life--can
+write is not likely to work a change in the system which obtains
+amongst English-speaking nations, perhaps the sooner I get on with the
+programme the better. Later on I may revert to the subject.
+
+Amongst daylight (and midnight, for the matter of that) drinks, the
+COCKTAIL, that fascinating importation from Dollarland, holds a
+prominent place. This is a concoction for which, with American bars
+all over the Metropolis, the cockney does not really require any
+recipe. But as I trust to have some country readers, a few directions
+may be appended.
+
+
+                          _Brandy Cocktail._
+
+     One wine-glassful of old brandy, six drops of Angostura
+     bitters, and twenty drops of curaçoa, in a small tumbler--all
+     cocktails should be made in a small silver tumbler--shake, and
+     pour into glass tumbler, then fill up with crushed ice. Put a
+     shred of lemon peel atop.
+
+
+                        _Champagne Cocktail._
+
+     One teaspoonful of sifted sugar, ten drops of Angostura
+     bitters, a small slice of pine-apple, and a shred of lemon
+     peel. Strain into glass tumbler, add crushed ice, and as much
+     champagne as the tumbler will hold. Mix with a spoon.
+
+
+                          _Bengal Cocktail._
+
+     Fill tumbler half full of crushed ice. Add thirty drops of
+     maraschino, one tablespoonful of pine-apple syrup, thirty drops
+     of curaçoa, six drops of Angostura bitters, one wine-glassful
+     of old brandy. Stir, and put a shred of lemon peel atop.
+
+
+                         _Milford Cocktail._
+
+                      (Dedicated to Mr. Jersey.)
+
+     Put into a half-pint tumbler a couple of lumps of best
+     ice, one teaspoonful of sifted sugar, one teaspoonful of orange
+     bitters, half a wine-glassful of brandy. Top up with bottled
+     cider, and mix with a spoon. Serve with a strawberry, and a
+     sprig of verbena atop.
+
+
+                        _Manhattan Cocktail._
+
+     Half a wine-glassful of vermouth (Italian), half a
+     wine-glassful of rye whisky (according to the American recipe,
+     though, personally, I prefer Scotch), ten drops of Angostura
+     bitters, and six drops of curaçoa. Add ice, shake well, and
+     strain. Put a shred of lemon peel atop.
+
+
+                         _Yum Yum Cocktail._
+
+     Break the yolk of a new-laid egg into a small tumbler, and
+     put a teaspoonful of sugar on it. Then six drops of Angostura
+     bitters, a wine-glassful of sherry, and half a wine-glassful
+     of brandy. Shake all well together, and strain. Dust a very
+     little cinnamon over the top.
+
+
+                           _Gin Cocktail._
+
+     Ten drops of Angostura bitters, one wine-glassful of gin,
+     ten drops of curaçoa, one shred of lemon peel. Fill up with
+     ice, shake, and strain.
+
+
+                         _Newport Cocktail._
+
+     Put two lumps of ice and a small _slice_ of lemon into
+     the tumbler, add six drops of Angostura bitters, half a
+     wine-glassful of noyau, and a wine-glassful of brandy. Stir
+     well, and serve with peel atop.
+
+
+                         _Saratoga Cocktail._
+
+     This is a more important affair, and requires a large
+     tumbler for the initial stage. One teaspoonful of pine-apple
+     syrup, ten drops of Angostura bitters, one teaspoonful of
+     maraschino, and a wine-glassful of old brandy. Nearly fill the
+     tumbler with crushed ice, and shake well. Then place a couple
+     of strawberries in a small tumbler, strain the liquid on them,
+     put in a strip of lemon peel, and top up with champagne.
+
+
+                          _Whisky Cocktail._
+
+     Put into a small tumbler ten drops of Angostura bitters,
+     and one wine-glassful of Scotch whisky. Fill the tumbler with
+     crushed ice, shake well, strain into a large wine-glass, and
+     place a strip of peel atop.
+
+But the ordinary British "bar-cuddler"--as he is called in the
+slang of the day--recks not of cocktails, nor, indeed, of Columbian
+combinations of any sort. He has his own particular "vanity," and
+frequently a pet name for it. "Gin-and-angry-story" (Angostura),
+"slow-and-old" (sloe-gin and Old Tom), "pony o' Burton, please
+miss," are a few of the demands the attentive listener may hear
+given. Orange-gin, gin-and-orange-gin, gin-and-sherry (O bile where
+is thy sting?), are favourite midday "refreshers"; and I have
+heard a well-known barrister call for "a split Worcester" (a small
+wine-glassful of Worcester sauce with a split soda), without a smile
+on his expressive countenance. "Small lem. and a dash" is a favourite
+summer beverage, and, withal, a harmless one, consisting of a small
+bottle of lemonade with about an eighth of a pint of bitter ale added
+thereto. In one old-fashioned hostelry I wot of--the same in which
+the chair of the late Doctor Samuel Johnson is on view--customers who
+require to be stimulated with gin call for "rack," and Irish whisky
+is known by none other name than "Cork." The habitual "bar-cuddler"
+usually rubs his hands violently together, as he requests a little
+attention from the presiding Hebe; and affects a sort of shocked
+surprise at the presence on the scene of any one of his friends or
+acquaintances. He is well-up, too, in the slang phraseology of the
+day, which he will ride to death on every available opportunity. Full
+well do I remember him in the "How's your poor feet?" era; and it
+seems but yesterday that he was informing the company in assertive
+tones, "Now we _shan't_ be long!" The "free lunch" idea of the
+Yankees is only thoroughly carried out in the "North Countree,"
+where, at the best hotels, there is often a great bowl of soup, or
+a dish of jugged hare, or of Irish stew, _pro bono publico_; and by
+_publico_ is implied the hotel directorate as well as the customers.
+In London, however, the free lunch seldom soars above salted almonds,
+coffee beans, cloves, with biscuits and American cheese. But at
+most refreshment-houses is to be obtained for cash some sort of a
+restorative sandwich, or _bonne bouche_, in the which anchovies and
+hard-boiled eggs play leading parts; and amongst other restorative
+food, I have noticed that parallelograms of cold Welsh rarebit are
+exceedingly popular amongst wine-travellers and advertisement-agents.
+The genius who propounded the statement that "there is nothing like
+leather" could surely never have sampled a cold Welsh rarebit!
+
+
+                          _Bosom Caresser._
+
+     Put into a small tumbler one wine-glassful of sherry,
+     half a wine-glassful of old brandy, the yolk of an egg, two
+     teaspoonfuls of sugar, and two grains of cayenne pepper; add
+     crushed ice, shake well, strain, and dust over with nutmeg and
+     cinnamon.
+
+
+                            _A Nicobine_,
+
+(or "Knickerbein" as I have seen it spelt), used to be a favourite
+"short" drink in Malta, and consisted of the yolk of an egg (intact)
+in a wine-glass with _layers_ of curaçoa, maraschino, and green
+chartreuse; the liquors not allowed to mix with one another. The
+"knickerbein" recipe differs materially from this, as brandy is
+substituted for chartreuse, and the ingredients are shaken up and
+strained, the white of the egg being whisked and placed atop. But,
+either way, you will get a good, bile-provoking mixture. In the
+
+
+                            _West Indies_,
+
+     if you thirst for a rum and milk, cocoa-nut milk is the
+     "only wear"; and a very delicious potion it is. A favourite
+     mixture in Jamaica was the juice of a "star" apple, the juice
+     of an orange, a wine-glassful of sherry, and a dust of nutmeg.
+     I never heard a name given to this.
+
+
+                            _Bull's Milk._
+
+This is a comforting drink for summer or winter. During the latter
+season, instead of adding ice, the mixture may be heated.
+
+     One teaspoonful of sugar in a _large_ tumbler, half-a-pint
+     of milk, half a wine-glassful of rum, a wine-glassful of
+     brandy; add ice, shake well, strain, and powder with cinnamon
+     and nutmeg.
+
+
+                            _Fairy Kiss._
+
+     Put into a small tumbler the juice of a quarter of lemon,
+     a quarter of a wine-glassful each of the following:--Vanilla
+     syrup, curaçoa, yellow chartreuse, brandy. Add ice, shake, and
+     strain.
+
+
+                        _Flash of Lightning._
+
+     One-third of a wine-glassful each of the following, in a
+     small tumbler:--Raspberry syrup, curaçoa, brandy, and three
+     drops of Angostura bitters. Add ice, shake and strain.
+
+
+                             _Flip Flap._
+
+     One wine-glassful of milk in a small tumbler, one
+     well-beaten egg, a little sugar, and a wine-glassful of port.
+     Ice, shake, strain, and sprinkle with cinnamon and nutmeg.
+
+
+                          _Maiden's Blush._
+
+     Half a wine-glassful of sherry in a small tumbler, a
+     quarter of a wine-glassful of strawberry syrup, and a little
+     lemon juice. Add ice, and a little raspberry syrup. Shake, and
+     drink through straws.
+
+
+                            _Athole Brose_
+
+is compounded, according to a favourite author, in the following
+manner:--
+
+     "Upon virgin honeycombs you pour, according to their
+     amount, the oldest French brandy and the most indisputable
+     Scotch whisky in equal proportions. You allow this goodly
+     mixture to stand for days in a large pipkin in a cool place,
+     and it is then strained and ready for drinking. Epicures drop
+     into the jug, by way of imparting artistic finish, a small
+     fragment of the honeycomb itself. This I deprecate."
+
+
+                           _Tiger's Milk._
+
+     Small tumbler. Half a wine-glassful each of cider and
+     Irish whisky, a wine-glassful of peach brandy. Beat up
+     separately the white of an egg with a little sugar, and add
+     this. Fill up the tumbler with ice; shake, and strain. Add half
+     a tumbler of milk, and grate a little nutmeg atop.
+
+
+                              _Wyndham._
+
+     Large tumbler. Equal quantities (a liqueur glass of each)
+     of maraschino, curaçoa, brandy, with a little orange peel,
+     and sugar. Add a glass of champagne, and a _small_ bottle of
+     seltzer water. Ice, and mix well together. Stir with a spoon.
+
+
+                            _Happy Eliza._
+
+     Put into a skillet twelve fresh dried figs cut open, four
+     apples cut into slices without peeling, and half a pound of
+     loaf sugar, broken small. Add two quarts of water, boil for
+     twenty minutes, strain through a--where's the brandy? Stop!
+     I've turned over two leaves, and got amongst the _Temperance
+     Drinks_. Rein back!
+
+
+                            _Mint Julep._
+
+     This, properly made, is the most delicious of all American
+     beverages. It is mixed in a large tumbler, in the which are
+     placed, first of all, two and a half tablespoonfuls of water,
+     one tablespoonful of sugar (crushed), and two or three sprigs
+     of mint, which should be pressed, with a spoon or crusher,
+     into the sugar and water to extract the flavour. Add two
+     wine-glassfuls of old brandy--_now_ we shan't be long--fill up
+     with powdered ice, shake well, get the mint to the top of the
+     tumbler, stalks down, and put a few strawberries and slices
+     of orange atop. Shake in a little rum, last of all, and drink
+     through straws.
+
+
+                              _Possets._
+
+                   (An eighteenth-century recipe.)
+
+     "Take three gills of sweet cream, a grated rind of lemon,
+     and juice thereof, three-quarters of a pint of sack or Rhenish
+     wine. Sweeten to your taste with loaf sugar, then beat in a
+     bowl with a whisk for one hour, and fill your glasses and
+     drink to the king."
+
+We are tolerably loyal in this our time; still it is problematical if
+there exist man or woman in Merry England, in our day who would whisk
+a mixture for sixty minutes by the clock, even with the prospect of
+drinking to the reigning monarch.
+
+
+                            _Brandy Sour._
+
+     This is simplicity itself. A teaspoonful of sifted
+     sugar in a small tumbler, a little lemon rind and juice, one
+     wine-glassful of brandy. Fill nearly up with crushed ice, shake
+     and strain. WHISKY SOUR is merely Scotch whisky treated in the
+     same kind, open-handed manner, with the addition of a few drops
+     of raspberry syrup.
+
+
+                            _Blue Blazer._
+
+     Don't be frightened; there is absolutely no danger.
+     Put into a silver mug, or jug, previously heated, two
+     wine-glassfuls of overproof (or proof) Scotch whisky, and one
+     wine-glassful of _boiling_ water. Set the liquor on fire, and
+     pass the blazing liquor into another mug, also well heated.
+     Pass to and fro, and serve in a tumbler, with a lump of
+     sugar and a little thin lemon peel. Be very particular not
+     to drop any of the blazer on the cat, or the hearth-rug, or
+     the youngest child. This drink would, I should think, have
+     satisfied the aspirations of Mr. Daniel Quilp.
+
+One of the most wholesome of all "refreshers," is a simple liquor,
+distilled from black-currants, and known to our lively neighbours as
+
+
+                              _Cassis._
+
+This syrup can be obtained in the humblest _cabaret_ in France; but
+we have to thank the eccentric and illogical ways of our Customs
+Department for its absence from most of our own wine lists. The duty
+is so prohibitive--being half as much again as that levied on French
+brandy--that it would pay nobody but said Customs Department to import
+it into England; and yet the amount of alcohol contained in cassis is
+infinitesimal. Strange to say nobody has ever started a cassis still
+on this side. One would imagine that the process would be simplicity
+itself; as the liquor is nothing but cold black-currant tea, with a
+suspicion of alcohol in it.
+
+
+                            _Sligo Slop._
+
+     This is an Irish delight. The juice of ten lemons,
+     strained, ten tablespoonfuls of sifted sugar, one quart
+     of John Jameson's oldest and best whisky, and two port
+     wine-glassfuls of curaçoa, all mixed together. Let the
+     mixture stand for a day or two, and then bottle. This should
+     be drunk neat, in liqueur-glasses, and is said to be most
+     effectual "jumping-powder." It certainly reads conducive to
+     timber-topping.
+
+Take it altogether the daylight drink is a mistake. It is simply ruin
+to appetite; it is more expensive than those who indulge therein
+are aware of at the time. It ruins the nerves, sooner or later; it
+is _not_ conducive to business, unless for those whose heads are
+especially hard; and it spoils the palate for the good wine which is
+poured forth later on. The precept cannot be too widely laid down, too
+fully known:
+
+                    _Do not drink between Meals!_
+
+Better, far better the three-bottle-trick of our ancestors, than the
+"gin-crawl" of to-day.
+
+
+
+
+                             CHAPTER XXI
+
+                   GASTRONOMY IN FICTION AND DRAMA
+
+                   "Let me not burst in ignorance."
+
+                 "A chiel's amang ye, taking notes."
+
+     Thomas Carlyle--Thackeray--Harrison Ainsworth--Sir
+     Walter Scott--Miss Braddon--Marie Corelli--F. C.
+     Philips--Blackmore--Charles Dickens--_Pickwick_ reeking
+     with alcohol--Brandy and oysters--_Little Dorrit_--_Great
+     Expectations_--Micawber as a punch-maker--_David
+     Copperfield_--"Practicable" food on the stage--"Johnny" Toole's
+     story of Tiny Tim and the goose.
+
+
+Considering the number of books which have been published during the
+nineteenth century, it is astonishing how few of them deal with eating
+and drinking. We read of a banquet or two, certainly, in the works of
+the divine William, but no particulars as to the _cuisine_ are entered
+into. "Cold Banquo" hardly sounds appetising. Thomas Carlyle was a
+notorious dyspeptic, so it is no cause for wonderment that he did not
+bequeath to posterity the recipes for a dainty dish or two, or a good
+Derby Day "Cup." Thackeray understood but little about cookery, nor
+was Whyte Melville much better versed in the mysteries of the kitchen.
+Harrison Ainsworth touched lightly on gastronomy occasionally, whilst
+Charles Lamb, Sydney Smith, and others (blessings light on the man who
+invented the phrase "and others") delighted therein. Miss Braddon has
+slurred it over hitherto, and Marie Corelli scorns all mention of any
+refreshment but absinthe--a weird liquid which is altogether absent
+from these pages. In the lighter novels of Mr. F. C. Philips, there
+is but little mention of solid food except devilled caviare, which
+sounds nasty; but most of Mr. Philips's men, and all his women, drink
+to excess--principally champagne, brandy, and green chartreuse. And
+one of his heroines is a firm believer in the merits of cognac as a
+"settler" of champagne.
+
+According to Mr. R. D. Blackmore, the natives of Exmoor did themselves
+particularly well, in the seventeenth century. In that most delightful
+romance _Lorna Doone_ is a description of a meal set before Tom
+Faggus, the celebrated highwayman, by the Ridd family, at Plover's
+Barrows:--
+
+     "A few oysters first, and then dried salmon, and then ham
+     and eggs, done in small curled rashers, and then a few collops
+     of venison toasted, and next a little cold roast pig, and a
+     woodcock on toast to finish with."
+
+This meal was washed down with home-brewed ale, followed by Schiedam
+and hot water.
+
+One man, and one man alone, who has left his name printed deep on the
+sands of time as a writer, thoroughly revelled in the mighty subjects
+of eating and drinking. Need his name be mentioned? What is, after
+all, the great secret of the popularity of
+
+
+                          _Charles Dickens_
+
+as a novelist? His broad, generous views on the subject of meals, as
+expressed through the mouths of most of the characters in his works;
+as also the homely nature of such meals, and the good and great deeds
+to which they led. I once laid myself out to count the number of times
+that alcoholic refreshment is mentioned in some of the principal
+works of the great author; and the record, for _Pickwick_ alone, was
+sufficient to sweep from the surface of the earth, with its fiery
+breath, the entire Blue Ribbon Army. Mr. Pickwick was what would
+be called nowadays a "moderate drinker." That is to say, he seldom
+neglected an "excuse for a lotion," nor did he despise the "daylight
+drink." But we only read of his being overcome by his potations on
+two occasions; after the cricket dinner at Muggleton, and after the
+shooting luncheon on Captain Boldwig's ground. And upon the latter
+occasion I am convinced that the hot sun had far more to do with his
+temporary obfuscation than the cold punch. Bob Sawyer and Ben Allen
+were by no means exaggerated types of the medical students of the
+time. The "deputy sawbones" of to-day writes pamphlets, drinks coffee,
+and pays his landlady every Saturday. And it was a happy touch of
+Dickens to make Sawyer and Allen eat oysters, and wash them down with
+neat brandy, before breakfast. I have known medical students, aye!
+and full-blown surgeons too, who would commit equally daring acts;
+although I doubt much if they would have shone at the breakfast-table
+afterwards, or on the ice later in the day. For the effect exercised
+by brandy on oysters is pretty well known to science.
+
+Breathes there a man with soul so dead as not to appreciate the
+delights of Dingley Dell? Free trade and other horrors have combined
+to crush the British yeoman of to-day; but we none the less delight
+to read of him as he was, and I do not know a better cure for an
+attack of "blue devils"--or should it be "black dog?"--than a good
+dose of Dingley Dell. The wholesale manner in which Mr. Wardle
+takes possession of the Pickwickians--only one of whom he knows
+intimately--for purposes of entertainment, is especially delightful,
+and worthy of imitation; and I can only regret the absence of a good,
+cunningly-mixed "cup" at the picnic after the Chatham review. The wine
+drunk at this picnic would seem to have been sherry; as there was not
+such a glut of "the sparkling" in those good old times. And the prompt
+way in which "Emma" is commanded to "bring out the cherry brandy,"
+before his guests have been two minutes in the house, bespeaks the
+character of dear old Wardle in once. "The Leathern Bottle," a
+charming old-world hostelry in that picturesque country lying between
+Rochester and Cobham, would hardly have been in existence now, let
+alone doing a roaring trade, but for the publication of _Pickwick_;
+and the notion of the obese Tupman solacing himself for blighted hopes
+and taking his leave of the world on a diet of roast fowl bacon, ale,
+etc., is unique. The bill-of-fare at the aforementioned shooting
+luncheon might not, perhaps, satisfy the aspirations of Sir Mota Kerr,
+or some other _nouveau riche_ of to-day, but there was plenty to eat
+and drink. Here is the list, in Mr. Samuel Weller's own words:
+
+"Weal pie, tongue: a wery good thing when it ain't a woman's: bread,
+knuckle o' ham, reg'lar picter, cold beef in slices; wery good. What's
+in them stone jars, young touch-and-go?"
+
+"Beer in this one," replied the boy, taking from his shoulder a couple
+of large stone bottles, fastened together by a leathern strap, "cold
+punch in t'other."
+
+"And a wery good notion of a lunch it is, take it altogether," said
+Mr. Weller.
+
+Possibly; though cold beef in slices would be apt to get rather dryer
+than was desirable on a warm day. And milk punch hardly seems the sort
+of tipple to encourage accuracy of aim.
+
+Mrs. Bardell's notion of a nice little supper we gather from the same
+immortal work, was "a couple of sets of pettitoes and some toasted
+cheese." The pettitoes were presumably simmered in milk, and the
+cheese was, undoubtedly, "browning away most delightfully in a little
+Dutch oven in front of the fire." Most of us will smack our lips after
+this description; though details are lacking as to the contents of the
+"black bottle" which was produced from "a small closet." But amongst
+students of _Pickwick_, "Old Tom" is a hot favourite.
+
+The Deputy Shepherd's particular "vanity" appears to have been
+buttered toast and reeking hot pine-apple rum and water, which sounds
+like swimming-in-the-head; and going straight through the book, we
+next pause at the description of the supper given by the medical
+students, at their lodgings in the Borough, to the Pickwickians.
+
+"The man to whom the order for the oysters had been sent had not been
+told to open them; it is a very difficult thing to open an oyster
+with a limp knife or a two-pronged fork; and very little was done in
+this way. Very little of the beef was done either; and the ham (which
+was from the German-sausage shop round the corner) was in a similar
+predicament. However, there was plenty of porter in a tin can; and the
+cheese went a great way, for it was very strong."
+
+Probably the oysters had not been paid for in advance, and the man
+imagined that they would be returned upon his hands none the worse.
+For at that time--as has been remarked before, in this volume on
+gastronomy--the knowledge that an oyster baked in his own shells, in
+the middle of a clear fire, is an appetising dish, does not appear to
+have been universal.
+
+It is questionable if a supper consisting of a boiled leg of mutton
+"with the usual trimmings" would have satisfied the taste of the
+"gentleman's gentleman" of to-day, who is a hypercritic, if anything;
+but let that supper be taken as read. Also let it be noted that the
+appetite of the redoubtable Pickwick never seems to have failed him,
+even in the sponging-house--five to one can be betted that those
+chops were _fried_--or in the Fleet Prison itself. And mention of
+this establishment recalls the extravagant folly of Job Trotter
+(who of all men ought to have known better) in purchasing "a small
+piece of raw loin of mutton" for the refection of himself and ruined
+master; when for the same money he could surely have obtained a
+sufficiency of bullock's cheek or liver, potatoes, and onions, to
+provide dinner for three days. _Vide_ the "Kent Road Cookery," in one
+of my earlier chapters. The description of the journeys from Bristol
+to Birmingham, and back to London, absolutely reeks with food and
+alcohol; and it has always smacked of the mysterious to myself how Sam
+Weller, a pure Cockney, could have known so much of the capacities
+of the various hostelries on the road. Evidently his knowledge of
+other places besides London was "peculiar." Last scene of all in
+_Pickwick_ requiring mention here, is the refection given to Mr.
+Solomon Pell in honour of the proving of the late Dame Weller's last
+will and testament. "Porter, cold beef, and oysters," were some of the
+incidents of that meal, and we read that "the coachman with the hoarse
+voice took an imperial pint of vinegar with his oysters, without
+betraying the least emotion."
+
+It is also set down that brandy and water, as usual in this history,
+followed the oysters; but we are not told if any of those coachmen
+ever handled the ribbons again, or if Mr. Solomon Pell spent his
+declining days in the infirmary.
+
+In fact, there are not many chapters in Charles Dickens' works in
+which the knife and fork do not play prominent parts. The food is,
+for the most part, simple and homely; the seed sown in England by
+the fairy _Ala_ had hardly begun to germinate at the time the novels
+were written. Still there is, naturally, a suspicion of _Ala_ at the
+very commencement of _Little Dorrit_, the scene being laid in the
+Marseilles prison, where Monsieur Rigaud feasts off Lyons sausage,
+veal in savoury jelly, white bread, strachino cheese, and good claret,
+the while his humble companion, Signor John Baptist, has to content
+himself with stale bread, through reverses at gambling with his fellow
+prisoner. After that, there is no mention of a "square meal" until we
+get to Mr. Casby's, the "Patriarch." "Everything about the patriarchal
+household," we are told, "promoted quiet digestion"; and the dinner
+mentioned began with "some soup, some fried soles, a butter-boat of
+shrimp sauce, and a dish of potatoes." Rare old Casby! "Mutton, a
+steak, and an apple pie"--and presumably cheese--furnished the more
+solid portion of the banquet, which appears to have been washed down
+with porter and sherry wine, and enlivened by the inconsequent remarks
+of "Mr. F.'s Aunt."
+
+In _Great Expectations_ occurs the celebrated banquet at the Chateau
+Gargery on Christmas Day, consisting of a leg of pickled pork and
+greens, a pair of roast stuffed fowls, a handsome mince pie, and a
+plum-pudding. The absence of the savoury pork-pie, and the presence
+of tar-water in the brandy are incidents at that banquet familiar
+enough to Sir Frank Lockwood, Q.C., M.P., and other close students
+of Dickens, whose favourite dinner-dish would appear to have been a
+fowl, stuffed or otherwise, roast or boiled.
+
+In _Oliver Twist_ we get casual mention of oysters, sheep's heads, and
+a rabbit pie, with plenty of alcohol; but the bill of fare, on the
+whole, is not an appetising one. The meat and drink at the Maypole
+Hotel, in _Barnaby Rudge_, would appear to have been deservedly
+popular; and the description of Gabriel Varden's breakfast is
+calculated to bring water to the most callous mouth:
+
+"Over and above the ordinary tea equipage the board creaked beneath
+the weight of a jolly round of beef, a ham of the first magnitude,
+and sundry towers of buttered Yorkshire cake, piled slice upon slice
+in most alluring order. There was also a goodly jug of well-browned
+clay, fashioned into the form of an old gentleman not by any means
+unlike the locksmith, atop of whose bald head was a fine white froth
+answering to his wig, indicative, beyond dispute, of sparkling home
+brewed ale. But better than fair home-brewed, or Yorkshire cake, or
+ham, or beef, or anything to eat or drink that earth or air or water
+can supply, there sat, presiding over all, the locksmith's rosy
+daughter, before whose dark eyes even beef grew insignificant, and
+malt became as nothing."
+
+Ah-h-h!
+
+There is not much eating in _A Tale of Two Cities_; but an intolerable
+amount of assorted "sack." In _Sketches by Boz_ we learn that Dickens
+had no great opinion of public dinners, and that oysters were, at that
+period, occasionally opened by the fair sex. There is a nice flavour
+of fowl and old Madeira about _Dombey and Son_, and the description of
+the dinner at Doctor Blimber's establishment for young gentlemen is
+worth requoting:
+
+"There was some nice soup; also roast meat, boiled meat, vegetables,
+pie, and cheese." [_Cheese_ at a small boys' school!] "Every young
+gentleman had a massive silver fork and a napkin; and all the
+arrangements were stately and handsome. In particular there was a
+butler in a blue coat and bright buttons" [surely this was a footman?]
+"who gave quite a winey flavour to the table beer, he poured it out so
+superbly."
+
+Dinner at Mrs. Jellyby's in _Bleak House_ is one of the funniest and
+most delightful incidents in the book, especially the attendance. "The
+young woman with the flannel bandage waited, and dropped everything
+on the table wherever it happened to go, and never moved it again
+until she put it on the stairs. The person I had seen in pattens (who
+I suppose to have been the cook) frequently came and skirmished with
+her at the door, and there appeared to be ill-will between them." The
+dinner given by Mr. Guppy at the "Slap Bang" dining house is another
+feature of this book--veal and ham, and French beans, summer cabbage,
+pots of half-and-half, marrow puddings, "three Cheshires" and "three
+small rums." Of the items in this list, the marrow pudding seems to be
+as extinct--in London, at all events--as the dodo. It appears to be
+a mixture of bread, pounded almonds, cream, eggs, lemon peel, sugar,
+nutmeg, and marrow; and sounds nice.
+
+David Copperfield's dinner in his Buckingham Street chambers was an
+event with a disastrous termination. "It was a remarkable want of
+forethought on the part of the ironmonger who had made Mrs. Crupp's
+kitchen fireplace, that it was capable of cooking nothing but chops
+and mashed potatoes. As to a fish-kettle, Mrs. Crupp said 'Well! would
+I only come and look at the range? She couldn't say fairer than that.
+Would I come and look at it?' As I should not have been much the
+wiser if I _had_ looked at it I said never mind fish. But Mrs. Crupp
+said, 'Don't say that; oysters was in, and why not them?' So _that_
+was settled. Mrs. Crupp then said 'What she would recommend would
+be this. A pair of hot roast fowls--from the pastry cook's; a dish
+of stewed beef, with vegetables--from the pastry cook's; two little
+corner things, as a raised pie and a dish of kidneys--from the pastry
+cook's; a tart, and (if I liked) a shape of jelly--from the pastry
+cook's. This,' Mrs. Crupp said, 'would leave her at full liberty to
+concentrate her mind on the potatoes, and to serve up the cheese and
+celery as she could wish to see it done.'"
+
+Then blessings on thee, Micawber, most charming of characters in
+fiction, mightiest of punch-brewers! The only fault I have to find
+with the novel of _David Copperfield_ is that we don't get enough of
+Micawber. The same fault, however, could hardly be said to lie in the
+play; for if ever there was a "fat" part, it is Wilkins Micawber.
+
+_Martin Chuzzlewit_ bubbles over with eating and drinking; and
+"Todgers" has become as proverbial as Hamlet. In _Nicholas Nickleby_,
+too, we find plenty of mention of solids and liquids; and as a
+poor stroller myself at one time, it has always struck me that
+"business" could not have been so very bad, after all, in the Crummles
+Combination; for the manager, at all events, seems to have fared
+particularly well. Last on the list comes _The Old Curiosity Shop_,
+with the celebrated stew at the "Jolly Sandboys," the ingredients in
+which have already been quoted by the present writer. With regard to
+this stew all that I have to remark is that I should have substituted
+an ox-kidney for the tripe, and left out the "sparrowgrass," the
+flavour of which would be quite lost in the crowd of ingredients. But
+there! who can cavil at such a feast? "Fetch me a pint of warm ale,
+and don't let nobody bring into the room even so much as a biscuit
+till the time arrives."
+
+Codlin may not have been "the friend"; but he was certainly the judge
+of the "Punch" party.
+
+In this realistic age, meals on the stage have to be provided from
+high-class hotels or restaurants; and this is, probably, the chief
+reason why there is so little eating and drinking introduced into
+the modern drama. Gone are the nights of the banquet of pasteboard
+poultry, "property" pine-apples, and gilded flagons containing nothing
+more sustaining than the atmosphere of coal-gas. Not much faith is
+placed in the comic scenes of a pantomime nowadays; or it is probable
+that the clown would purloin real York hams, and stuff Wall's sausages
+into the pockets of his ample pants. Champagne is champagne under the
+present regime of raised prices, raised salaries, raised everything;
+and it is not so long since I overheard an actor-manager chide a
+waiter from a fashionable restaurant, for forgetting the _Soubise_
+sauce, when he brought the cutlets.
+
+In my acting days we usually had canvas fowls, stuffed with sawdust,
+when we revelled on the stage; or, if business had been particularly
+good, the poultry was made from breakfast rolls, with pieces skewered
+on, to represent the limbs. And the potables--Gadzooks! What horrible
+concoctions have found their way down this unsuspecting throttle!
+Sherry was invariably represented by cold tea, which is palatable
+enough if home-made, under careful superintendence, but, drawn in
+the property-master's den, usually tasted of glue. Ginger beer, at
+three-farthings for two bottles, poured into tumblers containing
+portions of a seidlitz-powder, always did duty for champagne; and
+as for port or claret--well, I quite thought I had swallowed the
+deadliest of poisons one night, until assured it was only the cold
+leavings of the stage-door-keeper's coffee!
+
+The story of Tiny Tim who ate the goose is a pretty familiar one in
+stage circles. When playing Bob Cratchit, in _The Christmas Carol_ at
+the Adelphi, under Mr. Benjamin Webster's management, Mr. J. L. Toole
+had to carve a real goose and a "practicable" plum-pudding during the
+run of that piece, forty nights. And the little girl who played Tiny
+Tim used to finish her portions of goose and pudding with such amazing
+celerity that Mr. Toole became quite alarmed on her account.
+
+"'I don't like it,' I said," writes dear friend "Johnny," in his
+_Reminiscences_; "'I can't conceive where a poor, delicate little
+thing like that puts the food. Besides, although I like the children
+to enjoy a treat'--and how they kept on enjoying it for forty nights
+was a mystery, for I got into such a condition that if I dined at
+a friend's house, and goose was on the table, I regarded it as a
+personal affront--I said, referring to Tiny Tim, 'I don't like
+greediness; and it is additionally repulsive in a refined-looking,
+delicate little thing like this; besides, it destroys the sentiment
+of the situation--and when I, as Bob, ought to feel most pathetic, I
+am always wondering where the goose and the pudding are, or whether
+anything serious in the way of a fit will happen to Tiny Tim before
+the audience, in consequence of her unnatural gorging!' Mrs. Mellon
+laughed at me at first, but eventually we decided to watch Tiny Tim
+together.
+
+"We watched as well as we could, and the moment Tiny Tim was seated,
+and began to eat, we observed a curious shuffling movement at the
+stage-fireplace, and everything that I had given her, goose and
+potatoes, and apple-sauce disappeared behind the sham stove, the child
+pretending to eat as heartily as ever from the empty plate. When
+the performance was over, Mrs. Mellon and myself asked the little
+girl what became of the food she did not eat, and, after a little
+hesitation, she confessed that her little sister (I should mention
+that they were the children of one of the scene-shifters) waited on
+the other side of the fireplace for the supplies, and then the whole
+family enjoyed a hearty supper every night.
+
+"Dickens was very much interested in the incident. When I had
+finished, he smiled a little sadly, I thought, and then, shaking me by
+the hand, he said, 'Ah! you ought to have given her the whole goose.'"
+
+
+
+
+                             CHAPTER XXII
+
+                             RESTORATIVES
+
+                "Raze out the written troubles of the brain,
+            And with some antibilious antidote
+            Cleanse the stuff'd bosom of that perilous stuff
+            Which weighs upon the soul."
+
+     William of Normandy--A "head" wind at sea--Beware the
+     druggist--Pick-me-ups of all sorts and conditions--Anchovy
+     toast for the invalid--A small bottle--Straight talks
+     to fanatics--Total abstinence as bad as the other
+     thing--Moderation in all things--Wisely and slow--_Carpe
+     diem_--But have a thought for the morrow.
+
+
+"I care not," observed William of Normandy to his
+quartermaster-general, on the morning after the revelry which followed
+the Battle of Hastings, "who makes these barbarians' wines; send me
+the man who can remove the beehive from my o'erwrought brain."
+
+This remark is not to be found in Macaulay's _History of England_; but
+learned authorities who have read the original MS. in Early Norman,
+make no doubt as to the correct translation.
+
+"It is excellent," as the poet says, "to have a giant's thirst; but
+it is tyrannous to use it like a giant." And not only "tyrannous"
+but short-sighted. For the law of compensation is one of the first
+edicts of Nature. The same beneficent hand which provides the simple
+fruits of the earth for the delectation of man, furnishes also the
+slug and the wasp, to see that he doesn't get too much. Our friend
+the dog is deprived of the power of articulation, but he has a tail
+which can be wagged at the speed of 600 revolutions to the minute.
+And the man who overtaxes the powers of his inner mechanism during
+the hours of darkness is certain to feel the effects, to be smitten
+of conscience, and troubled of brain, when he awakes, a few hours
+later on. As this is not a medical treatise it would be out of place
+to analyse at length the abominable habit which the human brain and
+stomach have acquired, of acting and reacting on each other; suffice
+it to say that there is no surer sign of the weakness and helplessness
+of poor, frail, sinful, fallen humanity than the obstinacy with which
+so many of us will, for the sake of an hour or two's revelry, boldly
+bid for five times the amount of misery and remorse. And this more
+especially applies to a life on the ocean wave. The midshipmite who
+over-estimates his swallowing capacity is no longer "mast-headed"
+next morning; but the writer has experienced a cyclone in the Bay of
+Bengal, ere the effects of a birthday party on the previous night
+had been surmounted; and the effects of "mast-heading" could hardly
+have been less desirable. In that most delightful work for the young,
+Dana's _Two years before the Mast_, we read:
+
+"Our forecastle, as usual after a liberty-day, was a scene of tumult
+all night long, from the drunken ones. They had just got to sleep
+toward morning, when they were turned up with the rest, and kept at
+work all day in the water, carrying hides, their heads aching so that
+they could hardly stand. This is sailors' pleasure."
+
+Dana himself was ordered up aloft, to reef "torpsles," on his first
+morning at sea; and he had probably had some sort of a farewell
+carouse, 'ere quitting Boston. And the present writer upon one
+occasion--such is the irony of fate--was told off to indite a leading
+article on "Temperance" for an evening journal, within a very few
+hours of the termination of a "Derby" banquet.
+
+But how shall we alleviate the pangs? How make that dreadful "day
+after" endurable enough to cause us to offer up thanks for being still
+allowed to live? Come, the panacea, good doctor!
+
+First of all, then, avoid the chemist and his works. I mean
+no disrespect to my good friend Sainsbury, or his "Number One
+Pick-me-up," whose corpse-reviving claims are indisputable; but at the
+same time the habitual swallower of drugs does not lead the happiest
+life. I once knew a young subaltern who had an account presented
+to him by the cashier of the firm of Peake and Allen, of the great
+continent of India, for nearly 300 rupees; and the items in said
+account were entirely chloric ether, extract of cardamoms--with the
+other component parts of a high-class restorative, and interest.
+Saddening! The next thing to avoid, the first thing in the morning,
+is soda-water, whether diluted with brandy or whisky. The "peg" may
+be all very well as an occasional potation, but, believe one who
+has tried most compounds, 'tis a precious poor "livener." On the
+contrary, although a beaker of the straw-coloured (or occasionally,
+mahogany-coloured) fluid may seem to steady the nerves for the time
+being, that effect is by no means lasting.
+
+But the same panacea will not do in every case. If the patient be
+sufficiently convalescent to digest a
+
+
+                               _Doctor_
+
+(I do _not_ mean a M.R.C.S.) his state must be far from hopeless. A
+"Doctor" is a mixture of beaten raw egg--not forgetting the white,
+which is of even more value than the yolk to the invalid--brandy, a
+little sifted sugar, and new milk. But many devotees of Bacchus could
+as soon swallow rum-and-oysters, in bed. And do not let us blame
+Bacchus unduly for the matutinal trouble. The fairy _Ala_ has probably
+had a lot to do with that trouble. A "Doctor" can be made with sherry
+or whisky, instead of brandy; and many stockbrokers' clerks, sporting
+journalists, and other millionaires prefer a
+
+
+                           _Surgeon-Major_,
+
+who appears in the form of a large tumbler containing a couple of eggs
+beaten, and filled to the brim with the wine of the champagne district.
+
+
+                             _A Scorcher_
+
+is made with the juice of half a lemon squeezed into a large
+wine-glass; add a liqueur-glassful of old brandy, or Hollands, and a
+dust of cayenne. Mix well, and do not allow any lemon-pips to remain
+in the glass.
+
+
+                          _Prairie Oyster._
+
+This is an American importation. There is a legend to the effect that
+one of a hunting party fell sick unto death, on the boundless prairie
+of Texas, and clamoured for oysters. Now the close and cautious
+bivalve no more thrives in a blue grass country than he possesses the
+ability to walk up stairs, or make a starting-price book. So one of
+the party, an inventive genius, cudgelled his brains for a substitute.
+He found some prairie hen's eggs, and administered the unbroken yolks
+thereof, one at a time, in a wine-glass containing a teaspoonful of
+vinegar. He shook the pepper-castor over the yolks and added a pinch
+of salt. The patient recovered. The march of science has improved on
+this recipe. Instead of despoiling the prairie hen, the epicure now
+looks to Madame Gobble for a turkey egg. And a
+
+
+                          _Worcester Oyster_
+
+is turned out ready made, by simply substituting a teaspoonful of Lea
+and Perrins' most excellent sauce for vinegar.
+
+
+                           _Brazil Relish._
+
+This is, I am assured, a much-admired restorative in Brazil, and
+the regions bordering on the River Plate. It does not sound exactly
+the sort of stimulant to take after a "bump supper," or a "Kaffir"
+entertainment, but here it is: Into a wine-glass half full of curaçoa
+pop the unbroken yolk of a bantam's egg. Fill the glass up with
+maraschino. According to my notion, a good cup of hot, strong tea
+would be equally effectual, as an emetic, and withal cheaper. But they
+certainly take the mixture as a pick-me-up in Brazil.
+
+
+                             _Port-flip_
+
+is a favourite stimulant with our American cousins. Beat up an egg in
+a tumbler--if you have no metal vessels to shake it in, the shortest
+way is to put a clean white card, or a saucer, over the mouth of the
+tumbler, and shake--then add a little sugar, a glass of port, and
+some pounded ice. Strain before drinking. Leaving out the ice and the
+straining, this is exactly the same "refresher" which the friends of
+a criminal, who had served his term of incarceration in one of H.M.
+gaols, were in the habit of providing for him; and when the Cold Bath
+Fields Prison was a going concern, there was a small hostelry hard by,
+in which, on a Monday morning, the consumption of port wine (fruity)
+and eggs ("shop 'uns," every one) was considerable. This on the word
+of an ex-warder, who subsequently became a stage-door keeper.
+
+One of the most unsatisfactory effects of good living is that the
+demon invoked over-night does not always assume the same shape in
+your waking hours. Many sufferers will feel a loathing for any sort
+of food or drink, except cold water. "The capting," observed the
+soldier-servant to a visitor (this is an old story), "ain't very well
+this morning, sir; he've just drunk his bath, and gone to bed again."
+And on the other hand, I have known the over-indulger absolutely
+ravenous for his breakfast. "Brandy and soda, no, dear old chappie; as
+many eggs as they can poach in five minutes, a thick rasher of York
+ham, two muffins, and about a gallon and a half of hot coffee--that's
+what I feel like." Medical men will be able to explain those symptoms
+in the roysterer, who had probably eaten and drunk quite as much
+over-night as the "capting." For the roysterer with a shy appetite
+there are few things more valuable than an
+
+
+                           _Anchovy Toast_.
+
+The concoction of this belongs to bedroom cookery, unless the
+sitting-room adjoins the sleeping apartment. For the patient will
+probably be too faint of heart to wish to meet his fellow-men and
+women downstairs, so early. The mixture must be made _over hot
+water_. Nearly fill a slop-basin with the boiling element, and place
+a soup-plate over it. In the plate melt a pat of butter the size of a
+walnut. Then having beaten up a raw egg, stir it in. When thoroughly
+incorporated with the butter add a dessert-spoonful of essence of
+anchovies. Cayenne _ad lib_. Then let delicately-browned crisp toast
+be brought, hot from the fire. Soak this in the mixture, and eat as
+quickly as you can. The above proportions must be increased if more
+than one patient clamours for anchovy toast; and this recipe is of no
+use for a dinner, or luncheon toast; remember that. After the meal is
+finished turn in between the sheets again for an hour; then order
+a "Doctor," or a "Surgeon-Major" to be brought to the bedside. In
+another twenty minutes the patient will be ready for his tub (with
+the chill off, if he be past thirty, and has any wisdom, or liver,
+left within him). After dressing, if he live in London and there be
+any trace of brain-rack remaining, let him take a brisk walk to his
+hair-dresser's, having his boots cleaned _en route_. This is most
+important, whether they be clean or dirty; for the action of a pair
+of briskly-directed brushes over the feet will often remove the most
+distressing of headaches. Arrived at the perruquier's, let the patient
+direct him to rub _eau de Cologne_, or some other perfumed spirit,
+into the o'er-taxed cranium, and to squirt assorted essences over
+the distorted countenance. A good hard brush, and a dab of bay rum
+on the temples will complete the cure; the roysterer will then be
+ready to face his employer, or the maiden aunt from whom he may have
+expectations.
+
+If the flavour of the anchovy be disagreeable, let the patient try the
+following toast, which is similar to that used with wildfowl: Melt a
+pat of butter over hot water, stir in a dessert-spoonful of Worcester
+sauce, the same quantity of orange juice, a pinch of cayenne, and
+about half a wine-glassful of old port. Soak the toast in this
+mixture. The virtues of old port as a restorative cannot be too widely
+known.
+
+
+                       _St. Mark's Pick-me-up._
+
+The following recipe was given to the writer by a member of an old
+Venetian family.
+
+Ten drops of Angostura in a liqueur-glass, filled up with orange
+bitters. One wine-glassful of old brandy, one ditto cold water, one
+liqueur-glassful of curaçoa, and the juice of half a lemon. Mix well
+together. I have not yet tried this, which reads rather acid.
+
+For an
+
+
+                            _Overtrained_
+
+athlete, who may not take kindly to his rations, there is no better
+cure than the lean of an underdone chop (_not blue_ inside) hot from
+the fire, on a hot plate, with a glass of port poured over. A
+
+
+                        _Hot-pickle Sandwich_
+
+should be made of two thin slices of crisp toast (no butter) with
+chopped West Indian pickles in between. And for a
+
+
+                          _Devilled Biscuit_
+
+select the plain cheese biscuit, heat in the oven, and then spread
+over it a paste composed of finely-pounded lobster worked up with
+butter, made mustard, ground ginger, cayenne, salt, chili vinegar, and
+(if liked) a little curry powder. Reheat the biscuit for a minute or
+two, and then deal with it. Both the last-named restoratives will be
+found valuable (?) liver tonics; and to save future worry the patient
+had better calculate, at the same time, the amount of Estate Duty
+which will have to be paid out of his personalty, and secure a nice
+dry corner, out of the draught, for his place of sepulture. A
+
+
+                       _Working-Man's Livener_,
+
+(and by "working-man" the gentleman whose work consists principally
+in debating in taverns is intended) is usually a hair of the dog that
+bit him over-night; and in some instances where doubt may exist as to
+the particular "tufter" of the pack which found the working-man out,
+the livener will be a miscellaneous one. For solid food, this brand of
+labourer will usually select an uncooked red-herring, which he will
+divide into swallow-portions with his clasp-knife, after borrowing
+the pepper-castor from the tavern counter. And as new rum mixed with
+four-penny ale occasionally enters into the over-night's programme of
+the horny-handed one, he is frequently very thirsty indeed before the
+hour of noon.
+
+I have seen a journalist suck half a lemon, previously well
+besprinkled with cayenne, prior to commencing his matutinal "scratch."
+But rum and milk form, I believe, the favourite livener throughout
+the district which lies between the Adelphi Theatre and St. Paul's
+Cathedral. And, according to Doctor Edward Smith (the chief English
+authority on dietetics), rum and milk form the most powerful
+restorative known to science. With all due respect to Doctor Smith I
+am prepared to back another restorative, commonly known as "a small
+bottle"; which means a pint of champagne. I have prescribed this many
+a time, and seldom known it fail. In case of partial failure repeat
+the dose. A valuable if seldom-employed restorative is made with
+
+
+                               _Bovril_
+
+as one of the ingredients. Make half-a-pint of beef-tea in a tumbler
+with this extract. Put the tumbler in a refrigerator for an hour, then
+add a liqueur-glassful of old brandy, with just a dust of cayenne.
+This is one of the very best pick-me-ups known to the faculty. A
+
+
+                              _Swizzle_,
+
+for recuperative purposes is made with the following ingredients:--a
+wine-glassful of Hollands, a liqueur-glassful of curaçoa, three drops
+of Angostura bitters, a little sugar, and half a small bottle of
+seltzer-water. Churn up the mixture with a swizzle-stick, which can
+be easily made with the assistance of a short length of cane (the
+ordinary school-treat brand) a piece of cork, a bit of string, and a
+pocket knife.
+
+A very extraordinary pick-me-up is mentioned by Mr. F. C. Philips,
+in one of his novels, and consists of equal parts of brandy and
+chili vinegar in a large wine-glass. Such a mixture would, in all
+probability, corrode sheet-iron. I am afraid that writers of romance
+occasionally borrow a little from imagination.
+
+The most effectual restorative for the total abstainer is
+unquestionably, old brandy. It should be remembered that a rich,
+heavy dinner is not bound to digest within the human frame, if washed
+down with tea, or aerated beverages. In fact, from the personal
+appearances of many worthy teetotallers I have known digestion cannot
+be their strong suit. Then many abstainers only abstain in public,
+for the sake of example. And within the locked cupboard of the study
+lurks a certain black bottle, which does _not_ contain Kopps's ale.
+Therefore I repeat that the most effectual restorative for the total
+abstainer--whether as a direct change, or as a hair of the dog--is
+brandy.
+
+Our ancestors cooled their coppers with small ale, and enjoyed a
+subsequent sluice at the pump in the yard; these methods are still
+pursued by stable-helpers and such like. A good walk acts beneficially
+sometimes. Eat or drink nothing at all, but try and do five miles
+along the turnpike road within the hour. Many habitual roysterers
+hunt the next morning, with heads opening and shutting alternately,
+until the fox breaks covert, when misery of all sorts at once takes
+to itself wings. And I have heard a gallant warrior, whilst engaged
+in a Polo match on York Knavesmire, protest that he could distinctly
+see _two_ Polo balls. But he was not in such bad case as the eminent
+jockey who declined to ride a horse in a hood and blinkers, because
+"one of us must see, and I'm hanged if _I_ can!" It was the same
+jockey who, upon being remonstrated with for taking up his whip at
+the final bend, when his horse was winning easily, replied: "whip be
+blowed! it was my balance pole: I should have fell off without it!"
+
+
+                          _Straight Talks._
+
+In the lowest depth there is a lower depth, which not only threatens
+to devour, but which will infallibly devour the too-persistent
+roysterer. For such I labour not. The seer of visions, the would-be
+strangler of serpents, the baffled rat-hunter, and other victims to
+the over-estimation of human capacity will get no assistance, beyond
+infinite pity, from the mind which guides this pen. The dog will
+return to his own vomit; the wilful abuser of the goods sent by a
+bountiful Providence is past praying for. But to others who are on the
+point of crossing the Rubicon of good discretion I would urge that
+there will assuredly come a time when the pick-me-up will lose its
+virtue, and will fail to chase the sorrow from the brow, to minister
+to the diseased mind. Throughout this book I have endeavoured to
+preach the doctrine of moderation in enjoyment. Meat and drink are,
+like fire, very good servants, but the most oppressive and exacting
+of slave-drivers. Therefore enjoy the sweets of life, whilst ye can;
+but as civilised beings, as gentlemen, and not as swine. For here is
+a motto which applies to eating and drinking even more than to other
+privileges which we enjoy:
+
+            "Wisely, and slow;
+             They stumble who run fast!"
+
+A resort to extremes is always to be deprecated, and many sensible men
+hold the total abstainer in contempt, unless he abstain simply and
+solely because a moderate use of "beer and baccy" makes him ill; and
+this man is indeed a rarity. The teetotaller is either a creature with
+no will-power in his composition, a Pharisee, who thanks Providence
+that he is not as other men, or a lunatic. There can be no special
+virtue in "swearing off" good food and good liquor; whether for the
+sake of example, or for the sake of ascending a special pinnacle and
+posing to the world as the incarnation of perfection and holiness. In
+the parable, the Publican was "justified" rather than the Pharisee,
+because the former had the more common sense, and knew that if he set
+up as immaculate and without guile he was deceiving himself and nobody
+else. But here on earth, in the nineteenth century, the Publican
+stands a very poor chance with the Pharisee, whether the last-named
+assume the garb of "Social Purity," or "Vigilance," or the sombre
+raiment of the policeman. This is not right. This is altogether wrong.
+The total abstainer, the rabid jackass who denies himself--or claims
+that he does so--the juice of the grape, and drinks the horrible,
+flatulent, concoctions known as "temperance beverages," is just as
+great a sinner against common sense as that rabid jackass the habitual
+glutton, or drunkard, who, in abusing the good things of life--the
+gifts which are given us to enjoy--is putting together a rod of
+rattlesnakes for his own back.
+
+There is nothing picturesque about drunkenness; and there is still
+less of manliness therein. There is plenty of excuse for the careless,
+happy-go-lucky, casual over-estimater, who revels, on festive
+occasions, with his boon companions. 'Tis a poor heart that never
+rejoices; and wedding-feasts, celebrations of famous victories,
+birthday parties, and Christmas festivities have been, and will
+continue to be, held by high and low, from the earliest times. But
+there is no excuse, but only pity and disgust, for the sot who sits
+and soaks--or, worse still, stands and soaks--in the tavern day after
+day, and carries the brandy-bottle to bed with him. I have lived
+through two-thirds of the years allotted to man, and have never
+yet met the man who has done himself, or anybody else, any good
+by eating or drinking to excess. Nor is the man who has benefited
+himself, or society, through scorning and vilifying good cheer, a
+familiar sight in our midst. "Keep in the middle of the road," is
+the rule to be observed; and there is no earthly reason why the man
+who may have applied "hot and rebellious liquors" to his blood, as a
+youth, should not enjoy that "lusty winter" of old age, "frosty but
+kindly," provided those warm and warlike liquors have been applied in
+moderation.
+
+I will conclude this sermon with part of a verse of the poet Dryden's
+imitation of the twenty-ninth Ode of Horace, though its heathen _carpe
+diem_ sentiments should be qualified by a special caution as to the
+possible ill effects of bidding too fierce a defiance to the "reaction
+day."
+
+            "Happy the man, and happy he alone,
+              He who can call to-day his own;
+              He who, secure within, can say;--
+            To-morrow, do thy worst, I've liv'd to-day!"
+
+
+
+
+                                INDEX
+
+
+  "_Ala_," the fairy, 68
+
+  "Albion," the, 77
+
+  Alexander Dumas, 80
+
+  Allowable breakfast-dishes, 14
+
+  _Almanach des Gourmands_, 79, 184
+
+  Anchovy toast, 267
+
+  Angel's pie, 55
+
+  _Apium_, the, 129
+
+  Apricot brandy, 229
+
+  Artichoke, the, 130
+    Jerusalem, 131
+
+  Ascot luncheon, 54
+
+  Asparagus, 124
+    with eggs, 17
+
+  Aspic, 176
+
+  Athole brose, 241
+
+
+  Baksheesh, 100
+
+  Ball suppers, 175
+
+  Banquet, a vegetarian, 132
+
+  "Beano," a, 121
+
+  Beans, 119
+    "Borston," 120
+
+  Beef, "can't eat," 96
+
+  Bernardin salmi, a, 92
+
+  Birch's, 37
+
+  _Bischoff_, 211
+
+  Biscuit, a devilled, 269
+
+  Bishop, 212
+
+  Bisque, 89
+
+  Bitters, 229
+
+  Blackmore, R. D., 247
+
+  Blue blazer, 243
+
+  Bombay duck, a, 146
+
+  Bones, grilled, 189
+
+  Bosom caresser, a, 239
+
+  Bouillabaisse, 88
+
+  Bovril, 271
+
+  Braddon, Miss, 247
+
+  Brandy, apricot, 229
+    cherry, 227
+    ginger, 230
+    orange, 230
+    sour, 243
+
+  Brazil relish, 265
+
+  Breakfast, allowable dishes at, 14
+    French, 27
+    Indian, 31
+    Mediterranean, 26
+    with "my tutor," 32
+
+  Brillat Savarin, 106
+
+  Brinjal, the, 131
+
+  Broth, Scotch, 52
+
+  Buckmaster, 77
+
+  Bull's milk, 240
+
+  Burmah, food in, 203
+
+  Burns, John, 234
+
+
+  Cabbage, the, 115
+
+  Calcutta jumble, 16
+
+  "Cannie Carle," 189
+
+  Canvass-back duck, a, 95
+
+  Carlton House Terrace, 91
+
+  Carlyle, Thomas, 246
+
+  Carrot, the, 121
+
+  Cassis, 244
+
+  Cauliflower, the, 115
+
+  Cedric the Saxon, 66
+
+  Celery, 129
+    sauce, 164
+
+  Champagne and stout, 225
+
+  Charles Dickens, 52, 248
+
+  _Chateaûbriand_, a, 70
+
+  Chef, Indian, 135
+
+  "Cheshire Cheese," the, 39
+    pudding, 39
+
+  Chinaman's meal, a, 91
+
+  Chops, 50
+
+  _Chota Hazri_, 29
+
+  _Choufleur aû gratin_, 116
+
+  Chowringhee Club, the, 135
+
+  Christmas dinner, a, 82
+
+  Chutnee, raw, 163
+
+  Chutnine, 163
+
+  Cinquevalli, Paul, 112
+
+  City dinners, 100
+
+  Clam chowder, 95
+
+  Cleopatra, 170
+
+  "Coal-hole," the, 187
+
+  Cobbler, champagne, 226
+    sherry, 226
+
+  Cocktail, Bengal, 236
+    brandy, 235
+    champagne, 236
+    gin, 237
+    Manhattan, 236
+    Milford, 236
+    Newport, 237
+    Saratoga, 237
+    whisky, 237
+    Yum Yum, 236
+
+  Cod liver, 102
+
+  Coffee tree, the, 7
+
+  Cold mutton, 162
+
+  Collins, John, 218
+
+  Coloured help, 94
+
+  Corelli, Marie, 247
+
+  Cow, milking a, 205
+
+  Crécy soup, 122
+
+  Cremorne Gardens, 184
+
+  Cup, ale, 226
+    Ascot, 224
+    Balaclava, 223
+    Chablis, 222
+    champagne, 222
+    cider, 221
+    claret, 220
+    Crimean, 223
+    Moselle, 226
+
+  Curry, Benares, 134
+    dry Madras, 144
+    locust, 140
+    Malay, 140
+    Parsee, 136
+    powder, 139
+    Prawn, 143
+    rice for, 17, 145
+    what to, 142
+    when served, 141
+
+  Cyclone, a, 262
+
+
+  Dana, 263
+
+  Delmonico, 95
+
+  Devilled biscuit, a, 269
+
+  Dickens, Charles, 52, 248
+
+  Dingley Dell, 249
+
+  Dinner, afloat, 101
+    city, 100
+    Christmas, 82
+    an ideal, 101
+
+  Doctor, a, 264
+    Samuel Johnson, 71
+
+  Donald, 220
+
+  Duck, Bombay, 146
+    canvass-back, 95
+    jugged, with oysters, 46
+    Rouen, 87
+    -squeezer, 93
+
+  Dumas, Alexander, 80
+
+  Dumpling, kidney, 190
+
+
+  Early Christians, 63
+    Closing Act, 181
+
+  Eggs and bacon, 13
+
+  Elizabeth, Queen, 66
+
+  Englishman in China, the, 92
+
+  Evans's, 181
+
+
+  Fairy "_Ala_," the, 68
+    kiss, a, 240
+
+  Fergus MacIvor, 67
+
+  Fin'an haddie, 23
+
+  Fixed bayonet, a, 91
+
+  Flash of lightning, a, 240
+
+  Flip, ale-, 216
+    egg-, 217
+    -flap, 241
+
+  Fowls, Surrey, 88
+
+  Free trade, 8
+
+  French soup, 97
+
+  _Fricandeau_, a, 104
+
+
+  Garlic, 128
+
+  Gin, sloe, 227
+
+  Ginger brandy, 230
+
+  Glasgow, the late Lord, 191
+
+  Goats, sacrifice of, 198
+
+  Goose pie, 56
+
+  Gordon hotels, 71
+
+  Green, "Paddy," 182
+
+  Greenland, across, 110
+
+  Grilled bones, 189
+
+  Grouse pie, 48
+
+  Gubbins sauce, 14
+
+
+  Haggis, 63
+
+  Halibut steak, a, 20
+
+  Happy Eliza, 242
+
+  Hawkins, Sir John, 113
+
+  Hawthornden, 84
+
+  Help, coloured, 94
+
+  Highland cordial, 229
+
+  Hollingshead, John, 181
+
+  Home Ruler, 227
+
+  Horatius Flaccus, 112
+
+  Horse-radish sauce, 164
+    steaks, 191
+
+  Hotch potch, 53
+
+  Hotel breakfasts, 17
+    "Parish," 21
+
+  Hot-pot, Lancashire, 42
+
+  Hunting luncheons, 48
+
+
+  Indian breakfasts, 31
+
+  Irish stew, 50
+
+
+  James I., King, 64
+
+  Japan, 92
+
+  Jesuits, the, 93
+
+  Johnson, Doctor, 71
+
+  John Collins, 218
+
+  "Jolly Sandboys," the, 51
+
+  "Joseph," 83
+
+  Jugged duck with oysters, 46
+
+  Jumping powder, 230
+
+
+  Kent Road Cookery, the, 109
+
+  Kidney dumpling, 190
+    in fire-shovel, 188
+
+  King James I., 64
+
+  Kiss, a fairy, 240
+
+  Kitchener, Doctor, 139
+
+  Knickerbein, a, 239
+
+
+  Lamb, Charles, 146
+
+  Lamb's head and mince, 186
+
+  Lampreys, 106
+
+  Lancashire hot-pot, 42
+
+  Large peach, a, 15
+
+  Larks, such, 46
+
+  Lightning, a flash of, 240
+
+  Li Hung Chang, 91
+
+  Liver, cod's, 102
+
+  _Lorna Doone_, 247
+
+  Louis XII., 60
+    XIV., 60
+
+  Lucian, 119
+
+  Luncheon, Ascot, 54
+    race-course, 50
+    Simla, 58
+
+
+  Macaulay, Lord, 261
+
+  _Madère_, 94
+
+  Maiden's blush, 241
+
+  Majesty, Her, 107
+
+  Mandragora, 231
+
+  Marrow, vegetable, 130
+
+  Marsala, 94
+
+  Mayfair, 85
+
+  Mayonnaise, 153
+
+  Mediterranean breakfast, a, 26
+
+  Mess-table, the, 105
+
+  Miladi's boudoir, 190
+
+  Milk, bull's, 240
+
+  Mint julep, 242
+
+  _Mirepoix_, a, 89
+
+  Mutton, cold, 162
+
+
+  Nansen's banquet on the ice, 109
+
+  Napoleon the Great, 107
+
+  Nero, 62
+
+  New York City, 95
+
+  Nipping habit, the, 233
+
+  "No cheques accepted," 18
+
+
+  Off to Gold-land, 25
+
+  "Old Coppertail," 197
+
+  Onion, the, 128
+
+  Orange brandy, 230
+    sauce, 161
+
+  Orgeat, 224
+
+  Out West, 96
+
+  Oven, the, 76
+
+  Overtrained, 269
+
+  Oysters, Aden, 172
+    in their own juice, 173
+    Kurachi, 171
+    prairie, 265
+    sauce, 137
+    scalloped, 173
+    stewed, 174
+    Worcester, 265
+
+
+  "Paddy" Green, 182
+
+  Parsnip, the, 129
+
+  Parlour cookery, 187
+
+  Payne, George, 82
+
+  Peake and Allen, 263
+
+  Pea soup, 118
+
+  Pease, 117
+
+  "Peg," a, 217
+
+  Pepper-pot, 195
+
+  Peter the Great, 106
+
+  Physician, an eminent, 108
+
+  Pick-me-up, "Number One," 263
+    St. Mark's, 268
+
+  Pickles, hot, 269
+
+  Pie, angel's, 55
+    goose, 56
+    grouse, 48
+    pigeon, 55
+    pork, 49
+    Wardon, 5
+    woodcock, 47
+    Yorkshire, 49
+
+  Poor, how they live, 109
+
+  Pope, Doctor Joseph, 146
+
+  Possets, 242
+
+  Pork, roast, 45
+
+  Potato, the, 111
+    salad, 155
+
+  Port-flip, 266
+
+  Powder, jumping, 230
+
+  _Pré salé_, a, 90
+
+  Prison fare, 110
+
+  "Property" food, 258
+
+  Pudding, Cheshire cheese, 39
+    plover, 46
+    rabbit, 45
+    snipe, 41
+
+  Pulled turkey, 94
+
+  Punch, 206
+    ale, 214
+    Barbadoes, 214
+    Cambridge, 210
+    Curaçoa, 214
+    Grassot, 214
+    Glasgow, 213
+    Halo, 212
+    milk, 208
+    Oxford, 210
+    Regent, 215
+
+
+  Queen Elizabeth, 66
+
+
+  Rabbit pie, 45
+
+  Race-course luncheons, 50
+    sandwich, 53
+
+  Rajah's hospitality, a, 196
+
+  Raleigh, Sir Walter, 113
+
+  Rat snakes, 204
+
+  Regimental dinner, a, 99
+
+  Rice for curry, 17, 145
+
+  Richardson, 81
+
+  Roasting, 76
+
+  Romans, the, 59
+
+  Royalty, 85
+
+  Rouen ducks, 87
+
+
+  Salad, anchovy, 160
+    a memorable, 157
+    boarding-house, 150
+    celery, 156
+    cheese in, 158
+    corn, 158
+    Francatelli's, 150
+    French, 151
+    fruit, 161
+    herring, 155
+    Italian, 159
+    lobster, 151
+    maker, a gentleman-, 156
+    orange, 161
+    potato, 155
+    Roman, 159
+    Russian, 160
+    tomato, 156
+
+  Salads, 147
+
+  Sala, George Augustus, 71
+
+  _Salmi Bernardin_, 92
+    of wild-duck, 93
+
+  Salmon steak, 24
+
+  Sandhurst R.M.C., 67
+
+  Sandwich, a race-course, 53
+
+  _Sambal_, 168
+
+  St. Leger, the, 84
+
+  Sauce, carp, 165
+    celery, 164
+    Christopher North's, 165
+    currant, 167
+    goose, 168
+    gooseberry, 166
+    Gubbins, 14
+    hare, 165
+    horse-radish, 164
+    orange, 161
+    oyster, 137
+    Tapp, 190
+    _Tartare_, 166
+
+  Savarin, Brillat, 90
+
+  Saxon dining-table, a, 65
+
+  Scorcher, a, 264
+
+  Scott, Sir Walter, 67
+
+  Scalloped oysters, 173
+
+  Scotch broth, 52
+
+  Shandy gaff, rich man's, 225
+
+  Shepherd's pie, 45
+
+  Ship and Turtle, the, 38
+
+  Sidney, Harry, 183
+
+  Simla, luncheon at, 58
+    to Cashmere, 200
+
+  Sligo slop, 244
+
+  Sloe gin, 227
+
+  Smith, Sydney, 147
+
+  Snipe pudding, 41
+
+  Soup, French, 97
+
+  "Spanky," 182
+
+  Spinach, 127
+
+  Sprats, 179
+
+  Staff of life, the, 7
+
+  Steaks, 50
+    salmon, 24
+    thoroughbred horse, 191
+
+  Steam-chest, the, 76
+
+  Stew, Irish, 50
+    "Jolly Sandboys," 51
+    oyster, 174
+
+  Stout and champagne, 225
+
+  Straight talks, 272
+
+  Suetonius, 61
+
+  Suffolk pride, 56
+
+  Such larks, 46
+
+  Supper, Hotel Cecil, 179
+    ball, 175
+
+  Surgeon-major, a, 264
+
+  Surrey fowls, 88
+
+  Swizzle, a, 271
+
+
+  Tapp sauce, 190
+
+  Tartar sauce, 166
+
+  Tea, 6
+    _à la Française_, 28
+
+  Thibet, 200
+
+  Thumb-piece, 53
+
+  Tiger's milk, 241
+
+  Toddy, 215
+    whisky, 216
+
+  Tomato, the, 126
+
+  Tomnoddy, Lord, 180
+
+  Toole, John Lawrence, 258
+
+  _Tournedos_, a, 89
+
+  Tripe, 177
+    how to cook, 178
+
+  Tsar, the, 57
+
+  Tsaritza, the, 86
+
+  Turkey, the, 94
+    pulled, 94
+
+  Turmeric, 139
+
+  Turnip, 127
+
+  Turner, Godfrey, 103
+
+
+  Vegetarian banquet, a, 132
+
+  Vitellius, 61
+
+  _Vol-au-Vent financière_, 90
+
+
+  Waiter, the, 112
+
+  Wardon pie, a, 5
+
+  Wellington, Duke of, 107
+
+  West Indies, the, 240
+
+  West, out, 96
+
+  Whisky, sour, 243
+
+  Wild-duck, salmi of, 93
+
+  William the Conqueror, 261
+
+  Woodcock pie, 47
+
+  Working man, the, 270
+
+  Wyndham, 241
+
+
+  Yates, Edmund's Reminiscences, 178
+
+  York, New, 95
+
+  Yorkshire pie, 49
+
+
+
+
+                               THE END
+
+
+
+
+                  MILLER, SON, AND COMPY., LIMITED,
+                              PRINTERS,
+                         FAKENHAM AND LONDON.
+
+
+
+
+                              FOOTNOTES:
+
+
+[1] It is incorrect to speak of bread as the sole "staff of life."
+Eggs, milk, cheese, potatoes, and some other vegetables, supply
+between them far more phosphoric acid than is to be got from bread,
+either white or brown. And a man could support existence on "beer and
+baccy" as well as he could do so on bread alone.
+
+[2] In most recipes for puddings or pies, rump steak is given. But
+this is a mistake, as the tendency of that part of the ox is to
+_harden_, when subjected to the process of boiling or baking. Besides
+the skirt--the _thick_ skirt--there be tit-bits to be cut from around
+the shoulder.
+
+[3] The cannie Scot, however, never made his haggis from anything
+belonging to the pig. The dislike of the Scots to pork dates from
+very long ago, as we read in a note to Sir Walter Scott's _Waverley_.
+King "Jamie" carried this prejudice to England, and is known to have
+abhorred pork almost as much as he did tobacco. His proposed banquet
+to the "Deil" consisted of a loin of pork, a poll (or head) of ling,
+with a pipe of tobacco for digestion.
+
+[4] This dish must somewhat resemble the "Fixed Bayonet," which at one
+time was the favourite tit-bit of "Tommy Atkins," when quartered in
+India. It consisted of a fowl, stuffed with green chilis, and boiled
+in rum. The fowl was picked to the bones, and the soldier wound up
+with the soup. Very tasty!
+
+[5] Kidney potatoes should always be boiled, as steaming makes them
+more "waxy."
+
+[6] Doubtful starters.
+
+[7] Formerly Assistant-Surgeon Royal Artillery. A celebrated lecturer
+on "The Inner Man," and author of _Number One, and How to take Care of
+Him_, etc.
+
+[8] "Of all the delicacies in the whole _mundus edibilis_ I will
+maintain it to be the most delicate--_princeps obsoniorum_. I speak
+not of your grown porkers--things between pig and pork--those
+hobbydehoys; but a young and tender suckling, under a moon old,
+guiltless as yet of the sty, with no original speck of the _amor
+immunditiae_, the hereditary failing of the first parents, yet
+manifest--his voice as yet not broken, but something between a
+childish treble and a grumble--the mild forerunner or _praeludium_ of
+a grunt. He must be _roasted_. I am not ignorant that our ancestors
+ate them seethed, or boiled--but what a sacrifice of the exterior
+tegument!
+
+"His sauce should be considered. Decidedly a few bread-crumbs, done
+up with his liver and brains, and a dash of mild sage. But banish,
+dear Mrs. Cook, I beseech you, the whole onion tribe. Barbecue your
+whole hogs to your palate, steep them in shalots, stuff them out with
+plantations of the rank and guilty garlic--you cannot poison them, or
+make them stronger than they are; but consider, he is a weakling--a
+flower."--_Lamb on Pig._
+
+[9] Our then commanding officer was noted for his powers of
+self-control. I once noticed him leave the table hurriedly, and retire
+to the verandah. After an interval he returned, and apologised to the
+President. Our revered chief had only swallowed a flying bug. And he
+never even used a big D.
+
+[10] An excellent aerated water and a natural one, is obtained from
+springs in the valley beneath the Long Mynd, near Church Stretton, in
+Shropshire. In fact, the Stretton waters deserve to be widely known,
+and are superior to most of the foreign ones.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Cakes & Ale, by Edward Spencer
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 43278 ***