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diff --git a/43065-8.txt b/43065-8.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 93df138..0000000 --- a/43065-8.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,13860 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook, The Heroine, by Eaton Stannard Barrett, et al - - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - - - - - -Title: The Heroine - - -Author: Eaton Stannard Barrett - - - -Release Date: June 30, 2013 [eBook #43065] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 - - -***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE HEROINE*** - - -E-text prepared by Jana Srna and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team -(http://www.pgdp.net) from page images generously made available by -Internet Archive/American Libraries (http://archive.org/details/americana) - - - -Note: Images of the original pages are available through - Internet Archive/American Libraries. See - http://archive.org/details/heroineb00barr - - -Transcriber's note: - - Text enclosed by underscores is in italics (_italics_). - - - - - -THE HEROINE - -by - -EATON STANNARD BARRETT - -With an Introduction by Walter Raleigh - - - - - - - -London -Henry Frowde -1909 - -Oxford: Horace Hart -Printer to the University - - - - -INTRODUCTION - - -'In Glamorganshire, of a rapid decline, occasioned by the bursting of a -blood-vessel, Eaton Stannard Barrett, esq., a native of Ireland, and a -student of the Middle Temple. He published "All the Talents", a Poem, -8vo. 1817.--"The Comet", a mock newspaper, 8vo. 1803.--A very pleasing -poem intituled "Woman", 8vo. 1810.--"The Heroine, or Adventures of -Cherubina", 3 vols. 12mo, 2d. edit. 1814. This volume is said to abound -in wit and humour.' - -Very little can now be added to this obituary notice, which appeared -in the __ for April, 1820. The young Irishman whose death it records -was born at Cork in 1786, received his education chiefly in London, -addicted himself to the law, and was early diverted into the -profession of letters, which he practised with great energy and -versatility. Besides the works mentioned above, he wrote a serio-comic -romance called _The Rising Sun_, and a farcical comedy, full of noise -and bustle, called _My Wife, What Wife?_ The choice of this last -phrase (sacred, if any words in poetry are sacred) for the title of a -rollicking farce indicates a certain bluntness of sensibility in the -author. He was young, and fell head over ears in love with cleverness; -he was a law-student, and took to political satire as a duck takes to -the rain; he was an Irishman, and found himself the master of a happy -Irish wit, clean, quick, and dainty, but no ways searching or -profound. At the back of all his satire there lies a simple social -creed, which he accepts from the middle-class code of his own time, -and does not question. The two of his works which achieved something -like fame, _Woman, a Poem_, and _The Heroine_, here reprinted, set -forth that creed, describing the ideal heroine in verse, and warning -her, in prose, against the extravagances that so easily beset her. The -mode in female character has somewhat changed since George was king, -and the pensive coyness set up as a model in the poem seems to a -modern reader almost as affected as the vagaries described in the -novel. Yet the poem has all the interest and brilliancy of an old -fashion-plate. Here is woman as she wished to be in the days of the -Regency, or perhaps as man wished her to be, for it is impossible to -say which began it. Both gloried in the contrast of their habits. If -man, in that age of the prize-ring and the press-gang, was -pre-eminently a drinking, swearing, fighting animal, his indelicacy -was redeemed by the shrinking graces of his mate. - - For woman is not undevelopt man, - But diverse: - -as the poet of the later nineteenth century sings. But Tennyson was -anticipated in this discovery by Mr. Barrett: - - Yes, heaven a contrast not unmeet, designed - Between the bearded and the blushing kind. - -Those who often see the bearded kind clad in overcoats, carrying -umbrellas, and timorous of social greetings, may have some difficulty -in recognizing the essential truth of the following lines, which -describe man in his grandeur, as his blushing consort loves to think of -him: - - Man, from those moments, when his infant age - Cried for the moon, ambitious aims engage, - One world subdued, more worlds he wishes given, - He piles his impious tower to clamber heaven; - Scoops cities under earth; erects his home - On mountains of wild surges, vales of foam; - Soars air, and high above the thunder runs, - Now flaked with sleet, now reddened under suns. - Even in his pastime man his soul reveals; - Raised with carousing shout, his goblet reels. - Now from his chase imperial lions fly, - And now he stakes a princedom on a die. - What would he more? The consecrated game - Of murder must transmit his epic name, - Some empire tempts him; at his stern command, - An armed cloud hails iron o'er the land. - Earth thunders underneath the pondrous tread, - Son slaughters sire, the dying stab the dead. - The vallies roar, that loved a warbling mood, - Their mutilated lilies float on blood; - And corpses sicken streams, and towns expire, - And colour the nocturnal clouds with fire. - Last, vultures pounce upon the finished strife, - And dabble in the plash of human life. - -Such is man, all magnificence and terror. And now a softly trilling -note ushers in the partner of his cares: - - But the meek female far from war removes, - Girt with the Graces and endearing Loves. - To rear the life we destine to destroy, - To bind the wound we plant, is her employ. - Her rapine is to press from healing bud, - Or healthful herb, the vegetable blood; - Her answer, at the martial blast abhorred, - Harmonic noise along the warbling chord. - To her belong light roundelay and reel, - To her the crackling hearth and humming wheel; - (Sounds of content!) to her the milky kine, - And Peace, O Woman, gentle Peace is thine. - -Their studies are as dissimilar as their tastes. Nothing less than a -comet will excite the curiosity of man; for woman the flower-garden is -science enough: - - Prone o'er abstruse research, let man expound - Dark causes; what abyss our planet drowned; - And where the fiery star its hundred years - Of absence travels, ere it re-appears. - To Woman, whose best books are human hearts, - Wise heaven a genius less profound imparts. - His awful, her's is lovely; his should tell - How thunderbolts, and her's how roses fell. - -Here is the genesis of the Early Victorian ideal of female beauty. The -author describes, with heart-felt sentiment, its graces and charms, - - The beautiful rebuke that looks surprise, - The gentle vengeance of averted eyes; - ---which last line so pleased him that it occurs again in _The -Farewell_ (Letter XXV of _The Heroine_). The shorter poem, like the -longer, has the indescribable old-world charm of a pressed rose-leaf, -an elegant tarnished mirror, a faded silken fan, a vanished mode. The -secret of this sentimental type of beauty perhaps lies here, that the -simplicity and shyness and ardour of youth are reduced, not by a -conscious science, but by the timid rules of propriety and modesty, to -the service of an all-prevailing coquetry. Ovid, as expounded by Mrs. -Chapone or Miss Hannah More, gains something in the delicacy of his -methods, and loses nothing of his empire: - - Ut quondam iuvenes, ita nunc, mea turba, puellae - Inscribant spoliis: Naso magister erat. - -It must be said, however, that the author of _Woman, a Poem_ does not -confine himself to the alluring graces. His best known and most quoted -lines are written in praise of courage and fidelity: - - Not she denied her God with recreant tongue, - Not she with traitrous kisses round him clung; - She, while Apostles shrank, could danger brave, - Last at his cross and earliest at his grave. - -If he were to survive in a single quotation, it is probably by these -lines that the author, who spent much labour on the revision and -polishing of his poem, would wish to be remembered. - -It may seem strange that the author of this romantic poem on Woman -should have been so ready to parody the new school of prose romance. -Miss Cherry Wilkinson, when she took the name of Cherubina, and -commenced heroine, might certainly have found some useful hints for her -behaviour in this earlier treatise. But the fact is that no parodist is -successful who has not at some time fallen deeply under the spell of -the literature that he parodies. Parody is, for the most part, a weak -and clinging kind of tribute to the force of its original. Very perfect -parodies, which catch the soul, as well as the form, of the models that -they imitate, almost lose their identity and become a part of that -which they were meant to ridicule. Feeble parodies, where poor matter, -not strong enough to speak for itself, claims notice by the aid of a -notorious tune, are even more conspicuously dependent on the vogue of -their original. The art of a tailor is seen in the cut of a coat; to -make a mechanical copy of it, substituting tartan or fustian for -velvet, is what any Chinese slave can do. It is form in literature -which is difficult to invent. When a poem or a story, by the -individuality and novelty of its form, has caught the public taste, -there are always some among its victims who are nothing if not -critical. They cannot forget it, yet it does not content them. They -think it narrow and partial in its conception; it does not mirror -Nature exactly as they see her; in short, they have ideas of their own. -These ideas perhaps have not vitality enough to create their own -definite form, so when a form is presented to them they seize on it for -their purpose. Hence every new and original kind in literature produces -a tribe of imitators, some of them contented imitators, who undersell -the first author with colourable copies; others discontented imitators, -or parodists, who offer their own substitute for the author's wares, -yet stamp it with his brand. The compliment is the same in either case; -and the effect is not much different, for nothing so quickly exhausts -the popularity of a work of art as its power of multiplying its kind. -Some congenital weakness, it is fair to say, there must have been in -the original, when the form designed for a single purpose serves so -many others. The weakness is not always easy to detect; but it is -always there. It may be the weakness of excess; an ample and -loose-folded robe like Walt Whitman's is characteristic of its wearer, -but can soon be adapted to a borrower. Or it may be the weakness of -defect; the music and solemnity of the _Psalm of Life_ are a world too -wide for the shrunken body of the thought that they conceal. A perfect -conception expressing itself inevitably in the form that has grown -with its growth defies imitators. The great things of Virgil and of -Dante suffer no parody. And this is what is meant by a classic. - -Yet lesser books have their day; and young authors, or old authors -trying a new kind of work, often begin by imitation. They discover -their genius by their failure. The famous parodies (so to call them) -are not parodies at all; their freedom from the servility of parody is -what has given them their place in literature. Cervantes may have -thought that he could criticize and banter the romances of chivalry by -telling the adventures of a poor and high-minded gentleman travelling -on the roads of Spain; but once the new situation was created it called -for a new treatment. Fielding doubtless intended to parody Richardson -by a tale of the chastity of a serving-man; and it is easy to see how a -mere wit would have carried out the design. But Fielding, like -Cervantes, was too rich in ideas, and too brave in purpose, to be -another man's mocking servitor. First Mrs. Slipslop incommodes the -framework by her intrusion, and then Parson Adams enters to complete -the disaster. The breakdown of these pretended parodies is always due -to the same cause--the appearance on an artificially designed scene of -real character. Character, where it is fully conceived, will not take -its orders from the scene-shifter; it reacts in surprising ways to -slight accidental provocations; it will not play the part or speak the -words assigned to it; it is consistent with nothing but itself; from -self-revelation it soon passes to self-assertion, and subdues the world -to its will, disordering all the puppet-show. - -It cannot be claimed for Eaton Stannard Barrett that he proved -superior to the task which he undertook. There is little or no real -character in _The Heroine_. Perhaps Jerry Sullivan, the faithful Irish -servitor, with his ready speech and bold resourcefulness, comes -nearest to the life, but even he is drawn, like Lever's comic -Irishmen, not intimately. A few touches of verisimilitude are -sufficient to portray a servant, whose business is to come when he is -called and to help others in their necessities. The heroine herself -has no breath in her; she is inconceivably credulous, impossibly -ignorant, and even while she talks the author often forgets her very -existence and speaks in her stead, so that she seems to be quizzing -her own fatuity. Perhaps this incompetent portraiture was to be -expected from the author of _Woman, a Poem_, but it takes some of the -edge off the fun of the book. Cherubina is not a girl, with silly, -flighty notions in her head, such as romance engenders, but a pedantic -female lawyer, determined to order her life, down to the smallest -detail, on precedents borrowed from her favourite reading. Miss -Austen's girls, in _Northanger Abbey_, talk like girls; Cherubina -talks like a book. Nevertheless, Miss Austen herself read _The -Heroine_, and confessed to the pleasure she had from it. It enjoyed a -high and brief reputation. The first edition appeared in 1813; the -second followed it in the space of a year; and in 1816 the author, -before he was thirty years old, may have read a notice of himself in -the _Biographical Dictionary of the Living Authors of Great Britain -and Ireland_ concluding with the following eulogy: 'This work (_The -Heroine_) has been pronounced not inferior in wit and humour to -Tristram Shandy, and in point of plot and interest infinitely beyond -Don Quixote.' - -Let us save what remnants we can of this monstrous pronouncement. Of -character, as has been said, there is next to none in _The Heroine_; -so that only those who can read _Don Quixote_ and _Tristram Shandy_, -careless of the characters portrayed, might possibly be able to return -a verdict on the comparison. There are many readers of books who -grudge labour spent on character-drawing; the long colloquies between -Don Quixote and Sancho or between my Uncle Toby and Corporal Trim they -would be glad to see abbreviated, so they might get back to the -confusion and bustle of life. Why all this dissection of the heart, -while there are crowns to be broke? What the soldier said is not -evidence; it is what he did that they desire to hear. For readers of -this temper there is abundance of entertainment in _The Heroine_, if -once they can bring themselves to accept the perilously slender -illusion. The scenes described are as full of movement as a -harlequinade. No Irish fair is richer in incident. And there is such a -flow of high spirits; the author carries the whole business through -with such unflagging zest, that the farce, though it hardly ever -touches on the confines of comedy, is pleasant farce, instinct with -good nature and good fellowship. Those who like a book that saves them -from the more exacting companionship of their own thoughts might do -worse than read _The Heroine_. - -This is lukewarm praise; but the book has a stronger claim than this -on the interest of the reader; it marks a crisis in literary history. -The author was a well-read man, and all the fashionable literature of -his day is reflected in his pages. He was familiar with the essayists -and moralists of the eighteenth century; indeed, he often falls into -their attitude in his opposition to the extravagances of the Romantic -movement. His parody of Johnson's later style is one of the very best -of the multitude of Johnsonian imitations. Boswell, writing before -1791, was able to enumerate a distinguished array of disciples and -copyists, among them Hugh Blair, Professor of Rhetoric at Edinburgh, -George Colman the elder, Robertson the historian, Gibbon, Miss Burney, -Mrs. Barbauld, Henry Mackenzie, Vicesimus Knox, and last, John Young, -Professor of Greek at Glasgow, whose _Criticism on the Elegy written -in a Country Church-yard, being a continuation of Dr. Johnson's -Criticism on the Poems of Gray_ (1783) is rightly praised by Boswell -as the most perfect of all professed imitations of Johnson's style. It -is only half a parody; Johnson's method in criticism has been so -thoroughly assimilated by the author, that some of Johnson's strong -sense filters in here and there as if by oversight. Horace Walpole -said of it, acutely enough, that the author seemed to wish to be taken -by Gray's admirers for a ridiculer of Johnson, and by Johnson's -admirers for a censurer of Gray. But if this is the best imitation of -Johnson's critical manner, his biographical style and his light -occasional verse have never been so happily mimicked as in the -_Memoirs of James Higginson, by Himself_, which occur in Letter X of -_The Heroine_. Johnson continued to be the most influential teacher of -English prose until Macaulay, by introducing a more glittering kind of -antithesis and a freer use of the weapons of offence in criticism, -usurped his supremacy. - -A more voluminous and easier literature had enthralled the popular -taste for some thirty or forty years before the author of _The -Heroine_ delivered his attack. Only a few are now remembered even by -name of that horde of romances which issued from the cheap presses, in -the train of Mrs. Radcliffe. It is reasonable to suppose that many of -them, which had not the help of that great preservative of a bad book, -good binding, have perished from off the face of the earth. They are -not yet old enough to be precious, as Elizabethan trash is precious, -and doubtless the surviving copies of some of them are even now being -cast out from lumber-rooms and remote country libraries, to suffer -their fate by fire. Their names are scattered plentifully up and down -the _Bibliotheca Britannica_ and other monumental compilations, where -books that go under in their fight against time have Christian burial -and a little headstone reserved for them. In _The Heroine_ only the -chief of them are referred to by name. The romances of Mrs. -Radcliffe--_The Mysteries of Udolpho_, _The Italian_, and _The Bravo -of Venice_--are praised as being 'often captivating and seldom -detrimental'. The rivals of Mrs. Radcliffe who wrote those enormously -popular works, _The Children of the Abbey_ and _Caroline of -Lichtfield_, receive a less respectful treatment. At the close of his -book the author of _The Heroine_ summarizes his indictment against -these and their kind: 'They present us with incidents and characters -which we can never meet in the world; and act upon the mind like -intoxicating stimulants; first elevate, and then enervate it. They -teach us to revel in ideal scenes of transport and distraction; and -harden our hearts against living misery, by making us so refined as to -feel disgust at its unpoetical accompaniments.' Throughout the book he -keeps up a running fire of criticism. When Cherubina visits -Westminster Abbey, 'It is the first,' she says, 'that I have ever -seen, though I had read of thousands.' She apologizes for using the -vulgar word 'home'--'you know that a mere home is my horror'. She -confesses that she is very inadequately armed with religion--'I knew -nothing of religion except from novels; and in these, though the -devotion of heroines is sentimental and graceful to a degree, it never -influences their acts, or appears connected with their moral duties. -It is so speculative and generalized, that it would answer the Greek -or the Persian church, as well as the Christian; and none but the -picturesque and enthusiastic part is presented; such as kissing a -cross, chanting a vesper with elevated eyes, or composing a -well-worded prayer.' - -The notable thing is that this attack on the novels of the day was not -an isolated protest; it expressed the general mind and echoed the -current opinion. Miss Austen, with more suavity and art, had long -before said the same thing. The romance was declining; it had become a -cheap mechanical thing; and the mind of the nation was turning away -from it to reinstate those teachers of moral prudence whose influence -had been impaired by the flood, but not destroyed. If any one had been -rash enough, in the year 1814, to prophesy the future of literature, he -would have been justified in saying that, to all appearances, the prose -romance was dead. It had fallen into its dotage, and the hand of Eaton -Stannard Barrett had killed it. _The Heroine_ seemed to mark the end -of an age of romance, and the beginning of a new era of sententious -prose. - -Such a prophet would have been approved by _The Edinburgh Review_ and -all the best judges of the time. He would have been wrong, for he -could not foresee the accident of genius. Walter Scott, like Cherubina -(whose adventures he read and applauded), had fallen a victim to the -fascinations of the writers of romance, yet, unlike her, had not -allowed them to deprive him of all acquaintance with 'a more useful -class of composition' and the toils of active life. Romance was what -he cared for, and he brought the sobriety and learning of a judge to -the task of vindicating his affection. He proved that the old romantic -stories are convincing enough if only the blood of life flows through -them. His great panoramas of history are exhibited in the frame-work -of a love-plot. In place of the feeble comic interest of the earlier -romances he supplied a rich and various tissue of national character -and manners. Ancient legend and song, fable and superstition, live -again in his work. And, as if Cherubina's unhappy experiences had all -been in vain, there is always a heroine. The readers who had been -laughed into scepticism by the wit of the enemy were within a few -years won back to poetry and romance; Cherubina was deposed, and in -her place there reigned the Bride of Lammermoor. - -WALTER RALEIGH. - -OXFORD, - -_Christmas, 1908._ - - - - -THE HEROINE, - -OR - -ADVENTURES OF A FAIR ROMANCE READER, - - -BY - -EATON STANNARD BARRETT, ESQ. - - * * * * * - -"L'Histoire d'une femme est toujours un Roman." - - * * * * * - -_IN THREE VOLUMES._ - -VOL. I. - - * * * * * - -LONDON: -PRINTED FOR HENRY COLBURN, -PUBLIC LIBRARY, CONDUIT-STREET, HANOVER-SQUARE; -AND SOLD BY GEORGE GOLDIE, EDINBURGH, -AND JOHN CUMMING, DUBLIN. - -1813. - - - - - TO THE RIGHT HONORABLE GEORGE CANNING &c. &c. &c. - - Sir, - - It was the happiness of STERNE to have dedicated his volumes to a - PITT. It is my ambition to inscribe this work to you. My wishes - would be complete, could I resemble the writer as you do the - statesman. - - I have the honor to be, - - Sir, - - Your most sincere, and most humble servant, - - E. S. BARRETT. - - - - -THE HEROINE TO THE READER - - -Attend, gentle and intelligent reader; for I am not the fictitious -personage whose memoirs you will peruse in 'The Heroine;' but I am a -corporeal being, and an inhabitant of another world. - -Know, that the moment a mortal manuscript is written out in a legible -hand, and the word End or Finis annexed thereto, whatever characters -happen to be sketched in it (whether imaginary, biographical, or -historical), acquire the quality of creating and effusing a sentient -soul or spirit, which instantly takes flight, and ascends through the -regions of air, till it arrives at the MOON; where it is then embodied, -and becomes a living creature; the precise counterpart, in mind and -person, of its literary prototype. - -Know farther, that all the towns, villages, rivers, hills, and vallies -of the moon, owe their origin, in a similar manner, to the descriptions -given by writers of those on earth; and that all the lunar trades and -manufactures, fleets and coins, stays for men, and boots for ladies, -receive form and substance here, from terrestrial books on war and -commerce, pamphlets on bullion, and fashionable magazines. - -Works consisting of abstract argument, ethics, metaphysics, polemics, -&c. which, from their very nature, cannot become tangible essences, -send up their ideas, in whispers, to the moon; where the tribe of -talking birds receive, and repeat them for the Lunarians. So that it is -not unusual to hear a mitred parrot screaming a political sermon, or a -fashionable jay twittering unfigurative canzonets. These birds then are -our philosophers; and so great is their value, that they sell for as -much as your patriots. - -The moment, however, that a book becomes obsolete on earth, the -personages, countries, manners, and things recorded in it, lose, by the -law of sympathy, their existence in the moon. - -This, most grave reader, is but a short and imperfect sketch of the way -we Moonites live and die. I shall now give you some account of what has -happened to me since my coming hither. - -It is something more than three lunar hours; or, in other words, about -three terrestrial days ago, that, owing to the kindness of some human -gentleman or other (to whom I take this opportunity of returning my -grateful thanks), I became conscious of existence. Like the Miltonic -Eve, almost the first thing I did was to peep into the water, and -admire my face;--a very pretty one, I assure you, dear reader. I then -perceived advancing a lank and grimly figure in armour, who introduced -himself as Don Quixote; and we soon found each other kindred souls. - -We walked, hand in hand, through a beautiful tract of country called -Terra Fertilitatis; for your Selenographers, Langrenus, Florentius, -Grimaldus, Ricciolus, and Hevelius of Dantzic, have given proper names -to the various portions of our hemisphere. - -As I proceeded, I met the Radcliffian, Rochian, and other heroines; but -they tossed their heads, and told me pertly that I was a slur on the -sisterhood; while some went so far as to say I had a design upon their -lives. They likewise shunned the Edgeworthian heroines, whom they -thought too comic, moral, and natural. - -I met the Lady of the Lake, and shook hands with her; but her hand felt -rather hard from the frequent use of the oar; and I spoke to the Widow -Dido, but she had her old trick of turning on her heel, without -answering a civil question. - -I found the Homeric Achilles broiling his own beefsteaks, as usual; the -Homeric Princesses drawing water, and washing linen; the Virgilian -Trojans eating their tables, and the Livian Hannibal melting mountains -with the patent vinegar of an advertisement. - -The little boy in the Æneid had introduced the amusement of whipping -tops; and Musidora had turned bathing-woman at a halfpenny a dip. - -A Cæsar, an Alexander, and an Alfred, were talking politics, and -quaffing the Horatian Falernian, at the Garter Inn of Shakespeare. A -Catiline was holding forth on Reform, and a Hanno was advising the -recall of a victorious army. - -As I walked along, a parcel of Moonites, fresh from your newspapers, -just popped up their heads, nodded, and died. About twenty statesmen -come to us in this way almost every day; and though some of them are of -the same name, and drawn from the same original, they are often as -unlike each other as so many clouds. The Buonapartes, thus sent, are, -in general, hideous fellows. However, your Parliamentary Reports -sometimes agreeably surprise us with most respectable characters of -that name. - -On my way, I could observe numbers of patients dying, according as the -books that had created them were sinking into oblivion. The Foxian -James was paraded about in a sedan chair, and considered just gone; and -a set of politicians, entitled All the Talents, who had once made a -terrible noise among us, lay sprawling in their last agonies. But the -most extensive mortality ever known here was caused by the burning of -the Alexandrian Library. This forms quite an æra in the Lunar Annals; -and it is called The great Conflagration. - -I had attempted to pluck an apple from a tree that grew near the road; -but, to my surprise, grasped a vacuum; and while Don Quixote was -explaining to me that this phænomenon arose from the Berkeleian system -of immaterialism; and that this apple was only a globular idea, I heard -a squeaking voice just beside me cry: - -'I must remark, Madam, that the writer who sent you among us had far -too much to say, and too little to do.' - -I looked round, but saw nobody. - -''Tis Junius,' observed Don Quixote. 'He was invisible on earth, and -therefore must be so here. Do not mind his bitter sayings.' - -'An author,' continued the satirist, 'who has judgment enough to write -wit, should have judgment enough to prevent him from writing it.' - -'Sir,' said Don Quixote, 'if, by his works of wit, he can attain -popularity, he will ensure a future attention to his works of judgment. -So here is at thee, caitiff!' and closing his visor, he ran atilt at -pure space. - -'Nay,' cried Junius, 'let us not quarrel, though we differ. Mind -unopposed by mind, fashions false opinions of its own, and degenerates -from its original rectitude. The stagnant pool resolves into putridity. -It is the conflict of the waters which keeps them pure.' - -'Except in dropsical cases, I presume,' said Tristram Shandy, who just -then came up, with his Uncle Toby. 'How goes it, heroine? How goes -it?--By the man in the moon, the moment I heard of your arrival here, I -gave three exulting flourishes of my hand, thus 1 2 3 then applying my -middle finger to my thumb, and compressing them, by means of the -flexory muscles, I shot them asunder transversely; so that the finger -coming plump upon the aponeurosis-- - - * * * * * - -In short,--for I don't much like the manner in which I am getting on -with the description--I snapped my fingers. - -'Now, Madam, I will bet the whole of Kristmanus's, Capuanus's, -Schihardus's, Phocylides's, and Hanzelius's estates,--which are the -best on our disk,--to as much landed property as could be shovelled -into your shoe--that you will get miserably mauled by their reverences, -the Scotch Reviewers. My life for it, these lads will say that your -character is a mere daub drawn in distemper--the colouring too -rich--the hair too golden--an eyelash too much--then, that the book -itself has too little of the rational and argumentative;--that the -fellow merely wrote it to make the world laugh,--which, an' please your -reverences, is the gravest occupation an author can chuse;--that some -of its incidents are plastered as thick as butter on the bread of -Mamma's darling; others so diluted, that they wash down the bread and -butter most unpalatably, and the rest unconducive to the plot, moral, -and peripeteia. In short, Madam, it will appear that the work has every -fault which must convict it Aristotellically and Edinburgo--reviewically, -in the eyes of ninety-nine barbati; but which will leave it not the -ninety-ninth part of a gry the worse in the eyes of fifteen millions -of honest Englishmen; besides several very respectable ladies and -gentlemen yet unborn, and nations yet undiscovered, who will read -translations of it in languages yet unspoken. Bless me, what hacking -they will have at you! Small sword and broad sword--staff and -stiletto--flankonnade and cannonade--hurry-scurry--right wing and -left wing----' - -But Tristram paused short in consternation; for his animated -description of a fight had roused the military spirits of Don Quixote -and Captain Shandy, who were already at hard knocks; the one with his -spear, and the other with his crutch. I therefore took this occasion of -escaping. - -And now day begins to decline; and your globe, which never sets to us, -will soon shed her pale earthshine over the landscape. O how serene, -how lovely these regions! Here are no hurricanes, or clouds, or -vapours. Here heroines cannot sigh; for here there is no air to sigh -withal. Here, in our great pits, poetically called vallies, we retire -from all moonly cares; or range through the meads of Cysatus or -Gruemberget, and luxuriate in the coolness of the Conical Penumbra. - -I trust you will feel, dear reader, that you now owe more to my -discoveries than to those of Endymion, Copernicus, Tycho Brahe, -Galileus, and Newton. I pray you, therefore, to reward my services with -a long and happy life; though much I fear I shall not obtain it. For, I -am told, that two little shining specks, called England and Ireland -(which we can just see with our glasses on your globe), are the places -that I must depend upon for my health and prosperity. Now, if they -fall, I must fall with them; and I fancy they have seen the best of -their days already. A parrot informs me, that they are at daggers drawn -with a prodigious blotch just beside them; and that their most approved -patriots daily indite pamphlets to shew how they cannot hold out ten -years longer. The Sternian Starling assured me just now that these -patriots write the triumphs of their country in the most commiserating -language; and portray her distresses with exultation. Of course, -therefore, they conceive that her glories would undo her, and that -nothing can save her but her calamities. So, since she is conquering -away at a great rate, I may fairly infer that she is on her last legs. - -Before I conclude, I must inform you of how I shall have this letter -conveyed to your world. Laplace, and other philosophers, have already -proved, that a stone projected by a volcano, from the moon, and with -the velocity of a mile and a half per second, would be thrown beyond -the sphere of the moon's attraction, and enter into the confines of the -earth's. Now, hundreds have attested on oath, that they have seen -luminous meteors moving through the sky; and that these have fallen on -the earth, in stony or semi-metallic masses. Therefore, say the -philosophers, these masses came all the way from the moon. And they say -perfectly right. Believe it piously, dear reader, and quote me as your -authority. - -It is by means of one of these stones that I shall contrive to send you -this letter. I have written it on asbestus, in liquid gold (as both -these substances are inconsumable by fire); and I will fasten it to the -top of a volcanic mountain, which is expected to explode in another -hour. - -Alas, alas, short-sighted mortals! how little ye foresee the havoc that -will happen hereafter, from the pelting of these pitiless stones. For, -about the time of the millenium, the doctrine of projectiles will be so -prodigiously improved, that while there is universal peace upon earth, -the planets will go to war with each other. Then shall we Lunarians, -like true satellites, turn upon our benefactors, and instead of merely -trying our small shot (as at present), we will fire off whole -mountains; while you, from your superior attraction, will find it -difficult to hit us at all. The consequence must be, our losing so much -weight, that we shall approach, by degrees, nearer and nearer to you; -'till at last, both globes will come slap together, flatten each other -out, like the pancakes of Glasse's Cookery, and rush headlong into -primeval chaos. - -Such will be the consummation of all things. - -Adieu. - - - - -THE HEROINE - - - - -LETTER I - - -My venerable Governess, guardian of my youth, must I then behold you no -more? No more, at breakfast, find your melancholy features shrouded in -an umbrageous cap, a novel in one hand, a cup in the other, and tears -springing from your eyes, at the tale too tender, or at the tea too -hot? Must I no longer wander with you through painted meadows, and by -purling rivulets? Motherless, am I to be bereft of my more than mother, -at the sensitive age of fifteen? What though papa caught the Butler -kissing you in the pantry? What though he turned you by the shoulder -out of his house? I am persuaded that the kiss was maternal, not -amorous, and that the interesting Butler is your son. - -Perhaps you married early in life, and without the knowledge of your -parents. A gipsy stole the pretty pledge of your love; and at length, -you have recognized him by the scar on his cheek. Happy, happy mother! - -Happy too, perhaps, in being cast upon the world, unprotected and -defamed; while I am doomed to endure the security of a home, and the -dullness of an unimpeached reputation. For me, there is no hope -whatever of being reduced to despair. I am condemned to waste my -health, bloom, and youth, in a series of uninterrupted prosperity. - -It is not, my friend, that I wish for ultimate unhappiness, but that I -am anxious to suffer present sorrow, in order to secure future -felicity: an improvement, you will own, on the system of other girls, -who, to enjoy the passing moment, run the risk of being wretched for -ever after. Have not all persons their favorite pursuits in life, and -do not all brave fatigue, vexation, and calumny, for the purpose of -accomplishing them? One woman aspires to be a beauty, another a title, -a third a belle esprit; and to effect these objects, health is -sacrificed, reputation tainted, and peace of mind destroyed. Now my -ambition is to be a Heroine, and how can I hope to succeed in my -vocation, unless I, too, suffer privations and inconveniences? Besides, -have I not far greater merit in getting a husband by sentiment, -adventure, and melancholy, than by dressing, gadding, dancing, and -singing? For heroines are just as much on the alert to get husbands, as -other young ladies; and to say the truth, I would never voluntarily -subject myself to misfortunes, were I not certain that matrimony would -be the last of them. But even misery itself has its consolations and -advantages. It makes one, at least, look interesting, and affords an -opportunity for ornamental murmurs. Besides, it is the mark of a -refined mind. Only fools, children, and savages, are happy. - -With these sentiments, no wonder I should feel discontented at my -present mode of life. Such an insipid routine, always, always, always -the same. Rising with no better prospect than to make breakfast for -papa. Then 'tis, 'Good morrow, Cherry,' or 'is the paper come, Cherry?' -or 'more cream, Cherry,' or 'what shall we have to dinner, Cherry?' At -dinner, nobody but a farmer or the Parson; and nothing talked but -politics and turnips. After tea I am made sing some fal lal la of a -ditty, and am sent to bed with a 'Good night, pretty miss,' or 'sweet -dear.' The clowns! - -Now, instead of this, just conceive me a child of misery, in a castle, -a convent, or a cottage; becoming acquainted with the hero by his -saving my life--I in beautiful confusion--'Good Heaven, what an angel!' -cries he--then sudden love on both sides--in two days he kisses my -hand. Embarrassments--my character suspected--a quarrel--a -reconciliation--fresh embarrassments.--O Biddy, what an irreparable -loss to the public, that a victim of thrilling sensibility, like me, -should be thus idling her precious time over the common occupations of -life!--prepared as I am, too, by a five years' course of novels (and -you can bear witness that I have read little else), to embody and -ensoul those enchanting reveries, which I am accustomed to indulge in -bed and bower, and which really constitute almost the whole happiness -of my life. - -That I am not deficient in the qualities requisite for a heroine, is -indisputable. All the world says I am handsome, and it would be -melancholy were all the world in error. My form is tall and aërial, my -face Grecian, my tresses flaxen, my eyes blue and sleepy. But the great -point is, that I have a remarkable mole just over my left temple. Then, -not only peaches, roses, and Aurora, but snow, lilies, and alabaster, -may, with perfect propriety, be adopted in a description of my skin. I -confess I differ from other heroines in one point. They, you may -remark, are always unconscious of their charms; whereas, I am, I fear, -convinced of mine, beyond all hope of retraction. - -There is but one serious flaw in my title to Heroine--the mediocrity of -my lineage. My father is descended from nothing better than a decent -and respectable family. He began life with a thousand pounds, purchased -a farm, and by his honest and disgusting industry, has realized fifty -thousand. Were even my legitimacy suspected, it would be some comfort; -since, in that case, I should assuredly start forth, at one time or -other, the daughter of some plaintive nobleman, who lives retired, and -slaps his forehead. - -One more subject perplexes me. It is my name; and what a name--Cherry! -It reminds one so much of plumpness and ruddy health. Cherry--better be -called Pine-apple at once. There is a green and yellow melancholy in -Pine-apple, that is infinitely preferable. I wonder whether Cherry -could possibly be an abbreviation of CHERUBINA. 'Tis only changing y -into ubina, and the name becomes quite classic. Celestina, Angelina, -Seraphina, are all of the same family. But Cherubina sounds so -empyrean, so something or other beyond mortality; and besides I have -just a face for it. Yes, Cherubina I am resolved to be called, now and -for ever. - -But you must naturally wish to learn what has happened here, since your -departure. I was in my boudoir, reading the Delicate Distress, when I -heard a sudden bustle below, and 'Out of the house, this moment,' -vociferated by my father. The next minute he was in my room with a face -like fire. - -'There!' cried he, 'I knew what your famous romances would do for us at -last.' - -'Pray, Sir, what?' asked I, with the calm dignity of injured innocence. - -'Only a kissing match between the Governess and the Butler,' answered -he. 'I caught them at the sport in the pantry.' - -I was petrified. 'Dear Sir,' said I, 'you must surely mistake.' - -'No such thing,' cried he. 'The kiss was too much of a smacker for -that:--it rang through the pantry. But please the fates, she shall -never darken my doors again. I have just discharged both herself and -her swain; and what is better, I have ordered all the novels in the -house to be burnt, by way of purification. As they love to talk of -flames, I suppose they will like to feel them.' He spoke, and ran -raging out of the room. - -Adieu, then, ye dear romances, adieu for ever. No more shall I -sympathize with your heroines, while they faint, and blush, and weep, -through four half-bound octavos. Adieu ye Edwins, Edgars, and Edmunds; -ye Selinas, Evelinas, Malvinas; ye inas all adieu! The flames will -consume you all. The melody of Emily, the prattle of Annette, and the -hoarseness of Ugo, all will be confounded in one indiscriminate -crackle. The Casa and Castello will blaze with equal fury; nor will the -virtue of Pamela aught avail to save; nor Wolmar delighting to see his -wife in a swoon; nor Werter shelling peas and reading Homer, nor -Charlotte cutting bread and butter for the children. - -You, too, my loved governess, I regret extremely. - -Adieu. - -CHERUBINA. - - - - -LETTER II - - -It was not till this morning, that a thought of the most interesting -nature flashed across my mind. Pondering on the cruel conduct of my -reputed father, in having burnt my novels, and discharged you, without -even allowing us to take a hysterical farewell, I was struck with the -sudden notion that the man is not my father at all. In short, I began -with wishing this the case, and have ended with believing it. My -reasons are irresistible, and deduced from strong and stubborn facts. -For, first, there is no likeness between this Wilkinson and me. 'Tis -true, he has blue eyes, like myself, but has he my pouting lip and -dimple? He has the flaxen hair, but can he execute the rosy smile? -Next, is it possible, that I, who was born a heroine, and who must -therefore have sprung from an idle and illustrious family, should be -the daughter of a farmer, a thrifty, substantial, honest farmer? The -thing is absurd on the face of it, and never will I tamely submit to -such an indignity. - -Full of this idea, I dressed myself in haste, resolving to question -Wilkinson, to pierce into his inmost soul, to speak daggers to him; and -if he should not unfold the mystery of my birth, to fly from his house -for ever. With a palpitating heart, I descended the stairs, rushed into -the breakfast-room, and in a moment was at the feet of my persecutor. -My hands were folded across my bosom, and my blue eyes raised to his -face. - -'Heyday, Cherry,' said he, laughing, 'this is a new flourish. There, -child, now fancy yourself stabbed, and come to breakfast.' - -'Hear me,' cried I. - -'Why,' said he, 'you keep your countenance as stiff and steady as the -face on our rapper.' - -'A countenance,' cried I, 'is worth keeping, when the features are a -proof of the descent, and vindicate the noble birth from the baseness -of the adoption.' - -'Come, come,' said he, 'your cup is full all this time.' - -'And so is my heart,' cried I, pressing it expressively. - -'What is the meaning of this mummery?' said he. - -'Hear me, Wilkinson,' cried I, rising with dignified tranquillity. -'Candor is at once the most amiable and the most difficult of virtues; -and there is more magnanimity in confessing an error, than in never -committing one.' - -'Confound your written sentences,' cried he, 'can't you come to the -point?' - -'Then, Sir,' said I, 'to be plain and explicit, learn, that I have -discovered a mystery in my birth, and that you--you, Wilkinson, are -not--my real Father!' - -I pronounced these words with a measured emphasis, and one of my -ineffable looks. Wilkinson coloured like scarlet and stared steadily in -my face. - -'Would you scandalize the mother that bore you?' cried he, fiercely. - -'No, Wilkinson,' answered I, 'but you would, by calling yourself my -father.' - -'And if I am not,' said he, 'what the mischief must _you_ be?' - -'An illustrious heiress,' cried I, 'snatched from my parents in her -infancy;--snatched by thee, vile agent of the diabolical conspiracy!' - -He looked aghast. - -'Tell me then,' continued I, 'miserable man, tell me where my dear, my -distracted father lingers out the remnant of his wretched days? My -mother too--or say, am I indeed an orphan?' - -Still he remained mute, and gazed on me with a searching intensity. I -raised my voice: - -'Expiate thy dire offences, restore an outcast to her birthright, make -atonement, or _tremble at retribution_!' - -I thought the farmer would have sunk into the ground. - -'Nay,' continued I, lowering my voice, 'think not I thirst for -vengeance. I myself will intercede for thee, and stay the sword of -Justice. Poor wretch! I want not thy blood.' - -The culprit had now reached the climax of agony, and writhed through -every limb and feature. - -'What!' cried I, 'can nothing move thee to confess thy crimes? Then -hear me. Ere Aurora with rosy fingers shall unbar the eastern gate----' - -'My child, my child, my dear darling daughter!' exclaimed this -accomplished crocodile, bursting into tears, and snatching me to his -bosom, 'what have they done to you? What phantom, what horrid disorder -is distracting my treasure?' - -'Unhand me, guileful adulator,' cried I, 'and try thy powers of -tragedy elsewhere, for--_I know thee!_' I spoke, and extricated myself -from his embrace. - -'Dreadful, dreadful!' muttered he. 'Her sweet senses are lost.' Then -turning to me: 'My love, my life, do not speak thus to your poor old -father.' - -'Father!' exclaimed I, accomplishing with much accuracy that hysterical -laugh, which (gratefully let me own) I owe to your instruction; -'Father!' - -The fat farmer covered his face with his hands, and rushed out of the -room. - -I relate the several conversations, in a dramatic manner, and word for -word, as well as I can recollect them, since I remark that all heroines -do the same. Indeed I cannot enough admire the fortitude of these -charming creatures, who, while they are in momentary expectation of -losing their lives, or their honours, or both, sit down with the utmost -unconcern, and indite the wittiest letters in the world. They have even -sufficient presence of mind to copy the vulgar dialect, uncooth -phraseology, and bad grammar, of the villains whom they dread; and all -this in the neatest and liveliest style imaginable. - -Adieu. - - - -LETTER III - - -Soon after my last letter, I was summoned to dinner. What heroine in -distress but loaths her food? so I sent a message that I was unwell, -and then solaced myself with a volume of the Mysteries of Udolpho, -which had escaped the conflagration. At ten, I flung myself on my bed, -in hopes to have dreams portentous of my future fate; for heroines are -remarkably subject to a certain prophetic sort of night-mare. You -remember the story that Ludovico read, of a spectre who beckons a baron -from his castle in the dead of night, and leading him into a forest, -points to his own corpse, and bids him bury it. Well, owing, I suppose, -to my having just read this episode, and to my having fasted so long, I -had the following dreams. - -Methought a delicious odour of viands attracted me to the kitchen, -where I found an iron pot upon the fire simmering in unison with my -sighs. As I looked at it with a longing eye, the lid began to rise, and -I beheld a half-boiled turkey stalk majestically forth. It beckoned me -with its claw. I followed. It led me into the yard, and pointed to its -own head and feathers, which were lying in a corner. I felt infinitely -affected. - -Straight the scene changed. I found myself seated at a dinner-table; -and while I was expecting the repast, lo, the Genius of Dinner -appeared. He had a mantle laced with silver eels, and his locks were -dropping with costly soups. A crown of golden fishes was on his head, -and pheasants' wings at his shoulders. A flight of little tartlets -fluttered around him, and the sky rained down hock, comfits, and Tokay. -As I gazed on him, he vanished, in a sigh, that was strongly -impregnated with the fumes of brandy. What vulgar, what disgusting -visions, when I ought to have dreamt of nothing but coffins and ladies -in black. - -At breakfast, this morning, Wilkinson affected the most tender -solicitude for my health; and as I now watched his words, I could -discover in almost all that he said, something to confirm my surmise of -his not being my father. - -After breakfast a letter was handed to him, which he read, and then -gave to me. It was as follows: - - London. - - In accepting your invitation to Sylvan Lodge, my respected friend, - I am sure I shall confer a far greater favor on myself, than, as - you kindly tell me, I shall on you. After an absence of seven - years, spent in the seclusion of a college, and the fatigues of a - military life, how delightful to revisit the scene of my childhood, - and those who contribute to render its memory so dear! I left you - while you were my guardian; I return to you with the assurances of - finding you a friend. Let me but find you what I left you, and you - shall take what title you please. - - Yet, much as I flatter myself with your retaining all your former - feelings towards me, I must expect a serious alteration in those of - my friend Cherry. Will she again make me her playmate? Again climb - my shoulders, and gallop me round the lawn? Are we to renew all our - little quarrels, then kiss and be friends? Shall we even recognize - each other's features, through their change from childhood to - maturity? There is, at least, one feature of our early days, that, - I trust, has undergone no alteration--our mutual affection and - friendship. - - I fear I cannot manage matters so as to be with you before ten - to-morrow night: remember I bespeak my old room. - - Ever affectionately your's, - - ROBERT STUART. - - - To Gregory Wilkinson, Esq. - - 'There,' cries the farmer, 'if I have deprived you of an old woman, - I have got you a young man. Large estates, you know;--handsome, - fashionable;--come, pluck up a heart, my girl; ay, egad, and steal - one too.' - - I rose, gave him one of my ineffable looks, and retired to my - chamber. - - 'So,' said I, locking my door, and flinging myself on the bed, - 'this is something like misery. Here is a precious project against - my peace. I am to be forced into marriage, am I? And with whom? A - man whose legitimacy is unimpeached, and whose friends would - certainly consent. His name Robert too:--master Bobby, as the - servants used to call him. A fellow that mewed like a cat, when he - was whipt. O my Bob! what a pretty monosyllable for a girl like me - to pronounce. Now, indeed, my wretchedness is complete; the cup is - full, even to overflowing. An orphan, or at least an outcast; - immured in the prison of a proud oppressor--threatened with a - husband of decent birth, parentage and education--my governess - gone, my novels burnt, what is left to me but flight? Yes, I will - roam through the wide world in search of my parents; I will ransack - all the sliding pannels and tapestries in Italy; I will explore Il - Castello Di Udolpho, and will then enter the convent of Ursulines, - or Carmelites, or Santa della Pieta, or the Abbey of La Trappe. - Here I meet with nothing better than smiling faces and honest - hearts; or at best, with but sneaking villains. No precious - scoundrels are here, no horrors, or atrocities, worth mentioning. - But abroad I shall encounter banditti, monks, daggers, racks--O ye - celebrated terrors, when shall I taste of you?' - -I then lay planning an elopement, till I was called to dinner. - -Adieu. - - - -LETTER IV - - -O my friend, such a discovery!--a parchment and a picture. But you -shall hear. - -After dinner I stole into Wilkinson's study, in hopes of finding, -before my flight, some record or relic, that might aid me in -unravelling the mystery of my birth. As heroines are privileged to -ransack private drawers, and read whatever they find there, I opened -Wilkinson's scrutoire, without ceremony. But what were my sensations, -when I discovered in a corner of it, an antique piece of tattered -parchment, scrawled all over, in uncouth characters, with this -frightful fragment. - - _This Indenture_ - For and in consideration of - Doth grant, bargain, release - Possession, and to his heirs and assigns - Lands of Sylvan Lodge, in the - Trees, stones, quarries. - Reasonable amends and satisfaction - This demise - Molestation of him the said Gregory Wilkinson - The natural life of - Cherry Wilkinson only daughter of - De Willoughby eldest son of Thomas - Lady Gwyn of Gwyn Castle. - -O Biddy, does not your blood run cold at this horrible scrawl? for -already you must have decyphered its terrific import. The part lost may -be guessed from the part left. In short, it is a written covenant -between this Gregory Wilkinson, and the miscreant (whom my being an -heiress had prevented from enjoying the title and estate that would -devolve to him at my death), stipulating to give Wilkinson 'Sylvan -Lodge,' together with 'trees, stones, quarries, &c.' as 'reasonable -amends and satisfaction,' for being the instrument of my 'Demise;' -and declaring that there shall be 'no molestation of him the said -Gregory Wilkinson,' for taking away 'the natural life of Cherry -Wilkinson'--'only daughter of----' something--'De Willoughby, eldest -son of Thomas'--What an unfortunate chasm! Then follows, 'Lady Gwyn of -Gwyn Castle.' So that it is evident I am at least a De Willoughby, and -if not noble myself, related to nobility. For what confirms me in this -supposition of my relationship to Lady Gwyn, is an old portrait which I -found a few minutes after, in one of Wilkinson's drawers, representing -a young and beautiful female dressed in a superb style, and underneath -it, in large letters, the name of, 'NELL GWYN.' - -Distraction! what shall I do? Whither turn? To sleep another night -under the same roof with a wretch, who has bound himself to assassinate -me, would be little short of madness. My plan, therefore, is already -arranged for flight, and this very evening I mean to begin my -pilgrimage. - -The picture and parchment I will hide in my bosom during my journey; -and I will also carry with me a small bandbox, containing my satin -slip, a pair of silk stockings, my spangled muslin, and all my jewels. -For as some benevolent duchess may possibly take me into her family, -and her son persecute me, I might just as well look decent, you know. - -On mature deliberation, I have resolved to take but five guineas with -me, since more would make me too comfortable, and tempt me, in some -critical moment, to extricate myself from distress. - -I shall leave the following billet on my toilet. - - To Gregory Wilkinson, Farmer. - - Sir, - - When this letter meets your eye, the wretched writer will be far - removed from your machinations. She will be wandering the convex - earth in pursuit of those parents, from whose dear embraces you - have torn her. She will be flying from a Stuart, for whose - detestable embraces you have designed her. - - Your motive for this hopeful match I can guess. As you obtained one - property by undertaking my death, you are probably promised another - for effecting my marriage. Learn that the latter fate has more - terrors for me than the former. But I have escaped both. As for the - ten thousand pounds willed to me by your deceased wife, I suppose - it will revert to you, as soon as I prove that I am not your - daughter. Silly man! you might at this moment obtain that legacy, - by restoring me to my real parents. - - Alas! Sir, you are indeed very wicked. Yet remember, that - repentance is never too late, and that virtue alone is true - nobility. - - The much injured CHERUBINA. - -All is prepared, and in ten minutes I commence my interesting -expedition. London being the grand emporium of adventure, and the most -likely place for obtaining information on the subject of my birth, I -mean to bend my steps thither; and as Stuart is to be here at ten -to-night, and as he must come the London road, I shall probably meet -him. Should I recognize him, what a scene we shall have! but he cannot -possibly recognize me, since I was only eight years old when we last -parted. - -Adieu. - - - -LETTER V - - -The rain rattled and the wind whistled, as I tied on my bonnet for my -journey. With the bandbox in my hand, I descended the stairs, and -paused in the hall to listen. I heard a distant door shut, and steps -advancing. Not a moment was to be lost, so I sprang forward, opened the -hall door, and ran down the shrubbery. - -'O peaceful shades!' exclaimed I, 'why must I leave you? In your -retreats I should still find "pleasure and repose!"' - -I then hastened into the London road, and pressed forward with a -hurried step, while a violent tempest beat full against my face. Being -in such distress, I thought it incumbent on me to compose a sonnet; -which I copy for you. - - SONNET - -Bereft by wretches of endearing home, And all the joys of parent and of -friend, Unsheltered midst the shattering storm I roam, On mangled feet, -and soon my life must end. So the young lark, whom sire and mother -tend, Some fowler robs of sire and mother dear. All day dejected in its -nest it lies; No food, no song, no sheltering pinion near. Night comes -instead, and tempests round it rise, At morn, with gasping beak, and -upward breast: it dies. - -Four long and toilsome miles had I now walked with a dignified air; -till, finding myself fatigued, and despairing of an interview with -Stuart, I resolved to rest awhile, in the lone and uninhabited house -which lies, you may recollect, on the grey common, about a hundred -paces from the road. Besides, I was in duty bound to explore it, as a -ruined pile. - -I approached it. The wind moaned through the broken windows, and the -rank grass rustled in the court. I entered. All was dark within; the -boards creaked as I trod, the shutters flapped, and an ominous owl was -hooting in the chimney. I groped my way along the hall, thence into a -parlour--up stairs and down--not a horror to be found. No dead hand met -my left hand, firmly grasping it, and drawing me forcibly forward; no -huge eye-ball glared at me through a crevice. How disheartening! - -The cold was now creeping through me; my teeth chattered, and my whole -frame shook. I had seated myself on the stairs, and was weeping -piteously, wishing myself safe at home, and in bed; and deploring the -dire necessity which had compelled me to this frightful undertaking, -when on a sudden I heard the sound of approaching steps. I sprang upon -my feet with renovated spirits. Presently several persons entered the -hall, and a vulgar accent cried: - -'Jem, run down to the cellar and strike a light.' - -'What can you want of me, now that you have robbed me?' said the voice -of a gentleman. - -'Why, young man,' answered a ruffian, 'we want you to write home for a -hundred pounds, or some such trifle, which we will have the honour of -spending for you. You must manufacture some confounded good lie about -where you are, and why you send for the money; and one of us will carry -the letter.' - -'I assure you,' said the youth, 'I shall forge no such falsehood.' - -'As you please, master,' replied the ruffian, 'but, the money or your -life we must have, and that soon.' - -'Will you trust my solemn promise to send you a hundred pounds?' said -the other. 'My name is Stuart: I am on my way to Mr. Wilkinson, of -Sylvan Lodge, so you may depend upon my sending you, by his assistance, -the sum that you require, and I will promise not to betray you.' - -'No, curse me if I trust,' cried the robber. - -'Then curse me if I write,' said Stuart. - -'Look you, Squire,' cried the robber. 'We cannot stand parlying with -you now; we have other matters on hands. But we will lock you safe in -the cellar, with pen, ink, and paper, and a lantern; and if you have -not a fine bouncing lie of a letter, ready written when we come back, -you are a dead man--that is all.' - -'I am almost a dead man already,' said Stuart, 'for the cut you gave me -is bleeding torrents.' - -They now carried him down to the cellar, and remained there a few -minutes, then returned, and locked the door outside. - -'Leave the key in it,' says one, 'for we do not know which of us may -come back first.' They then went away. - -Now was the fate of my bitter enemy, the wily, the wicked Stuart, in my -power; I could either liberate him, or leave him to perish. It struck -me, that to miss such a promising interview, would be stupid in the -extreme; and I felt a sort of glow at the idea of saying to him, live! -besides, the fellow had answered the robbers with some spirit, so I -descended the steps, unlocked the door, and bursting into the cellar, -stood in an unparalleled attitude before him. He was sitting on the -ground, and fastening a handkerchief about his wounded leg, but at my -entrance, he sprang upon his feet. - -'Away, save thyself!' cried I. 'She who restores thee to freedom flies -herself from captivity. Look on these features--Thou wouldest have -wrung them with despair. Look on this form--Thou wouldest have prest it -in depravity. Hence, unhappy sinner, and learn, that innocence is ever -victorious and ever merciful.' - -'I am all amazement!' exclaimed he. 'Who are you? Whence come you? Why -speak so angrily, yet act so kindly?' - -I smiled disdain, and turned to depart. - -'One moment more,' cried he. 'Here is some mistake; for I never even -saw you before.' - -'Often!' exclaimed I, and was again going. - -'So you will leave me, my sweet girl,' said he, smiling. 'Now you have -all this time prevented me from binding my wound, and you owe me some -compensation for loss of blood.' - -I paused. - -'I would ask you to assist me,' continued he, 'but in binding one -wound, I fear you would inflict another.' - -Mere curiosity made me return two steps. - -'I think, however, there would be healing in the touch of so fair a -hand,' and he took mine as he spoke. - -At this moment, my humanity conquered my reserve, and kneeling down, I -began to fasten the bandage; but resolved on not uttering another word. - -'What kindness!' cried he. 'And pray to whom am I indebted for it?' - -No reply. - -'At least, may I learn whether I can, in any manner, repay it?' - -No reply. - -'You said, I think, that you had just escaped from confinement?' - -No reply. - -'You will stain your beautiful locks,' said he: 'my blood should flow -to defend, but shall not flow to disfigure them. Permit me to collect -those charming tresses.' - -'Oh! dear, thank you, Sir!' stammered I. - -'And thank you, ten thousand times,' said he, as I finished my -disagreeable task; 'and now never will I quit you till I see you safe -to your friends.' - -'You!' exclaimed I. 'Ah, traitor!' - -He gazed at me with a look of pity. 'Farewell then, my kind preserver,' -said he; ''tis a long way to the next habitation, and should my wound -open afresh and should I faint from loss of blood----' - -'Dear me,' said I, 'let me assist you.' - -He smiled. 'We will assist each other,' answered he; 'and now let us -not lose a moment, for the robbers may return.' - -He took the lantern to search the cellar for his watch and money. -However, we saw nothing there but a couple of portmanteaus, some rusty -pistols, and a small barrel, half full of gunpowder. We then left the -house; but had hardly proceeded twenty yards, when he began to totter. - -'I can go no farther,' said he, sinking down. 'I have lost so much -blood, that my strength is entirely exhausted.' - -'Pray Sir,' said I, 'exert yourself, and lean on me.' - -'Impossible,' answered he; 'but fly and save your own life.' - -'I will run for assistance,' said I, and flew towards the road, where I -had just heard the sound of an approaching carriage. But on a sudden it -stopped, voices began disputing, and soon after a pistol was fired. I -paused in great terror, for I judged that these were the robbers again. -What was I to do? When a heroine is reduced to extremities, she always -does one of two things, either faints on the spot, or exhibits energies -almost superhuman. - -Faint I could not, so nothing remained for me, but energies almost -superhuman. I pondered a moment, and a grand thought struck me. -Recollecting the gunpowder in the cellar, I flew for it back to the -ruin, carried it up to the hall, threw most of it on the floor, and -with the remainder, strewed a train, as I walked towards Stuart. - -When I was within a few paces of him, I heard quick steps; and a hoarse -voice vociferating, 'Who goes yonder with the light?' for I had brought -the lantern with me. - -'Fly!' cried Stuart, 'or you are lost.' - -I snatched the candle from the lantern, applied it to the train, and -the next moment dropped to the ground at the shock of the tremendous -explosion that followed. A noise of falling timbers resounded through -the ruin, and the robbers were heard scampering off in all directions. - -'There!' whispered I, after a pause; 'there is an original horror for -you; and all of my own contrivance. The villains have fled, the -neighbours will flock to the spot, and you will obtain assistance.' - -By this time we heard the people of the carriage running towards us. - -'Stuart!' cried I, in an awful voice. - -'My name indeed!' said he. 'This is completely inexplicable.' - -'Stuart,' cried I, 'hear my parting words. _Never again_', (quoting -his own letter,) '_will I make you my playmate; never again climb your -shoulders, and gallop you round the lawn!_ Ten o'clock is past. Go not -to Sylvan Lodge to-night. She departed two hours ago. Look to your -steps.' - -I spoke this portentous warning, and fled across the common. Miss -Wilkinson! Miss Wilkinson! sounded on the blast; but the wretch had -discovered me too late. I ran about half a mile, and then looking -behind me, beheld the ruin in a blaze. Renovated by the sight of this -horror, I walked another hour, without once stopping; till, to my -surprise and dismay, I found myself utterly unable to proceed a step -farther. This was the more provoking, because heroines often perform -journies on foot that would founder fifty horses. - -I now knocked at a farm-house, on the side of the road; but the people -would not admit me. Soon after, I perceived a boy watching sheep in a -field, and begged earnestly that he would direct me to some romantic -cottage, shaded with vines and acacias, and inhabited by a lovely -little Arcadian family. - -'There is no family of that name in these here parts,' said he. - -'_These here!_' cried I, 'Ah, my friend, that is not pastoral -language. I see you will never pipe madrigals to a Chloris or a -Daphne.' - -'And what sort of nasty language is that?' cried he. 'Get along with -you, do: I warrant you are a bad one.' And he began pelting me with -tufts of grass. - -At last, I contrived to shelter myself under a haycock, where I -remained till day began to dawn. Then, stiff and chilled, I proceeded -on my journey; and in a short time, met a little girl with a pail of -milk, who consented to let me change my dress at her cottage, and -conducted me thither. - -It was a family of frights, flat noses and thick lips without mercy. No -Annettes and Lubins, or Amorets and Phyllidas, or Florimels and -Florellas; no little Cherubin and Seraphim amongst them. However, I -slipped on (for _slipping on_ is the heroic mode of dressing) my -spangled muslin, and joined their uglinesses at breakfast, resolving to -bear patiently with their features. They tell me that a public coach to -London will shortly pass this way, so I shall take a place in it. - -On the whole, I see much reason to be pleased with what has happened -hitherto. How fortunate that I went to the house on the common! I see -plainly, that if adventure does not come to me, I must go to adventure. -And indeed, I am authorized in doing so by the example of my sister -heroines; who, with a noble disinterestedness, are ever the chief -artificers of their own misfortunes; for, in nine cases out of ten, -were they to manage matters like mere common mortals, they would avoid -all those charming mischiefs which adorn their memoirs. - -As for this Stuart, I know not what to think of him. I will, however, -do him the justice to say, that he has a pleasing countenance; and -although he neither kissed my hand, nor knelt to me, yet he had the -decency to talk of 'wounds,' and my 'charming tresses.' Perhaps, if he -had saved my life, instead of my having saved his; and if his name had -consisted of three syllables ending in i or o; and, in fine, were he -not an unprincipled profligate, the man might have made a tolerable -hero. At all events, I heartily hate him; and his smooth words went for -nothing. - -The coach is in sight. - -Adieu. - - - -LETTER VI - - -'I shall find in the coach,' said I, approaching it, 'some emaciated -Adelaide, or sister Olivia. We will interchange congenial looks--she -will sigh, so will I--and we shall commence a vigorous friendship on -the spot.' - -Yes, I did sigh; but it was at the huge and hideous Adelaide that -presented herself, as I got into the coach. In describing her, our -wittiest novelists would say, that her nose lay modestly retired -between her cheeks; that her eyes, which pointed inwards, seemed -looking for it, and that her teeth were - - 'Like angels' visits; short and far between.' - -She first eyed me with a supercilious sneer, and then addressed a -diminutive old gentleman opposite, in whose face Time had ploughed -furrows, and Luxury sown pimples. - -'And so, Sir, as I was telling you, when my poor man died, I so -bemoaned myself, that between swoons and hysterics, I got nervous all -over, and was obliged to go through a regiment.' - -I stared in astonishment. 'What!' thought I, 'a woman of her magnitude -and vulgarity, faint, and have nerves? Impossible!' - -'Howsomdever,' continued she, 'my Bible and my daughter Moll are great -consolations to me. Moll is the dearest little thing in the world; as -straight as a popular; then such dimples; and her eyes are the very -squintessence of perfection. She has all her catechism by heart, and -moreover, her mind is uncontaminated by romances and novels, and such -abominations.' - -'Pray, Ma'am,' said I, civilly, 'may I presume to ask how romances and -novels contaminate the mind?' - -'Why, Mem,' answered she tartly, and after another survey: 'by teaching -little misses to go gadding, Mem, and to be fond of the men, Mem, and -of spangled muslin, Mem.' - -'Ma'am,' said I, reddening, 'I wear spangled muslin because I have no -other dress: and you should be ashamed of yourself for saying that I am -fond of the men.' - -'The cap fits you then,' cried she. - -'Were it a fool's cap,' said I, 'perhaps I might return the -compliment.' - -I thought it expedient, at my first outset in life, to practise apt -repartee, and emulate the infatuating sauciness, and elegant -vituperation of Amanda, the Beggar Girl, and other heroines; who, when -irritated, disdain to speak below an epigram. - -'Pray, Sir,' said she, to our fellow traveller, 'what is your opinion -of novels? Ant they all love and nonsense, and the most unpossible lies -possible?' - -'They are fictions, certainly,' said he. - -'Surely, Sir,' exclaimed I, 'you do not mean to call them fictions.' - -'Why no,' replied he, 'not absolute fictions.' - -'But,' cried the big lady, 'you don't pretend to call them true.' - -'Why no,' said he, 'not absolutely true.' - -'Then,' cried I, 'you are on both sides of the question at once.' - -He trod on my foot. - -'Ay, that you are,' said the big lady. - -He trod on her foot. - -'I am too much of a courtier,' said he, 'to differ from the ladies,' -and he trod on both our feet. - -'A courtier!' cried I: 'I should rather have imagined you a musician.' - -'Pray why?' said he. - -'Because,' answered I, 'you are playing the pedal harp on this lady's -foot and mine.' - -'I wished to produce harmony,' said he, with a submitting bow. - -'At least,' said I, 'novels must be much more true than histories, -because historians often contradict each other, but novelists never -do.' - -'Yet do not novelists contradict themselves?' said he. - -'Certainly,' replied I, 'and there lies the surest proof of their -veracity. For as human actions are always contradicting themselves, so -those books which faithfully relate them, must do the same.' - -'Admirable!' exclaimed he. 'And yet what proof have we that such -personages as Schedoni, Vivaldi, Camilla, or Cecilia ever existed?' - -'And what proof have we,' cried I, 'that such personages as Alfred the -Great, Henry the Fifth, Elfrida, or Mary Queen of Scots, ever existed? -I wonder at a man of sense like you. Why, Sir, at this rate you might -just as well question the truth of Guy Faux's attempt to blow up the -Parliament-House, or of my having blown up a house last night.' - -'You blow up a house!' exclaimed the big lady with amazement. - -'Madam,' said I, modestly, 'I scorn ostentation, but on my word and -honour, 'tis fact.' - -'Of course you did it accidentally,' said the gentleman. - -'You wrong me, Sir,' replied I; 'I did it by design.' - -'You will swing for it, however,' cried the big lady. - -'Swing for it!' said I; 'a heroine swing? Excellent! I presume, Madam, -you are unacquainted with the common law of romance.' - -'Just,' said she, 'as you seem to be with the common law of England.' - -'I despise the common law of England,' cried I. - -'Then I fancy,' said she, 'it would not be much amiss if you were -hanged.' - -'And I fancy,' retorted I, nodding at her big figure, 'it would not be -much amiss if you were quartered.' - -Instantly she took out a prayer-book, and began muttering over it with -the most violent piety and indignation. - -Meantime the gentleman coincided in every syllable that I said, praised -my parts and knowledge, and discovered evident symptoms of a -discriminating mind, and an amiable heart. That I am right in my good -opinion of him is most certain; for he himself assured me that it would -be quite impossible to deceive me, I am so penetrating. In short, I -have set him down as the benevolent guardian, whom my memoirs will -hereafter celebrate, for having saved me from destruction. - -Indeed he has already done so. For, when our journey was almost over, -he told me, that my having set fire to the ruin might prove a most -fatal affair; and whispered that the big lady would probably inform -against me. On my pleading the prescriptive immunities of heroines, and -asserting that the law could never lay its fangs on so ethereal a name -as Cherubina, he solemnly swore to me, that he once knew a -golden-haired, azure-eyed heroine, called Angelica Angela Angelina, who -was hanged at the Old Bailey for stealing a broken lute out of a -haunted chamber; and while my blood was running cold at the recital, he -pressed me so cordially to take refuge in his house, that at length, I -threw myself on the protection of the best of men. - -I now write from his mansion in Grosvenor Square, where we have just -dined. His name is Betterton; he has no family, and is possessed of a -splendid independence. Multitudes of liveried menials watch his nod; -and he does me the honour to call me cousin. My chamber too is -charming. The curtains hang quite in a new style, but I do not like the -pattern of the drapery. - -To-morrow I mean to go shopping; and I may, at the same time, pick up -some adventures on my way; for business must be minded. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER VII - - -Soon after my last letter, I was summoned to supper. Betterton appeared -much interested in my destiny, and I took good care to inspire him with -a due sense of my forlorn and unprotected state. I told him that I had -not a friend in the wide world, related to him my lamentable tale, and -as a proof of my veracity shewed him the parchment, the picture, and -the mole. - -To my great surprise, he said that he considered my high birth -improbable; and then began advising me to descend from my romantic -flights, as he called them, and to seek after happiness instead of -misery. - -'In this town,' continued he, after a long preamble, 'your charms would -be despotic, if unchained by legal constraints. But for ever distant -from you be that cold and languid tie which erroneous policy invented. -For you be the sacred community of souls, the mystic union, whose tie -of bondage is the sway of passion, the wish, the licence, and impulse -the law.' - -'Pretty expressions enough,' said I, 'only I cannot comprehend them.' - -'Charming girl!' cried he, while he conjured up a fiend of a smile, and -drew a brilliant from his finger, 'accept this ring, and the signature -of the hand that has worn it, securing to you five hundred a-year, -while you remain under my protection.' - -'Ha, monster!' exclaimed I, 'and is this thy vile design?' - -So saying, I flung the ruffian from me, then rushed down stairs, opened -the door, and quick as lightning darted along the streets. - -At last, panting for breath, I paused underneath a portico. It was now -midnight. Not a wheel, not a hoof fatigued the pavement, or disturbed -the slumbering mud of the metropolis. But soon steps and soft voices -broke the silence, and a youth, encircling a maiden's waist with his -arm, and modulating the most mellifluent phraseology, passed by me. -Another couple succeeded, and another, and another. The town seemed -swarming with heroes and heroines. 'Fortunate pairs!' ejaculated I, 'at -length ye enjoy the reward of your incomparable constancy and virtue. -Here, after a long separation, meeting by chance, and in extreme -distress, ye pour forth the pure effusions of your souls. O blissful -termination of unexampled miseries!' - -I now perceived, on the steps of a house, a fair and slender form, -robed in white. She was sitting with her elbow in her lap, and her head -leaning on one side, within her hand. - -'She seems a sister in misfortune,' said I; 'so, should she but have a -Madona face, and a name ending in a, we will live, we will die -together.' - -I then approached, and discovered a countenance so pale, so pensive, so -Roman, that I could almost have knelt and worshipped it. - -'Fair unfortunate,' said I, taking her hand and pressing it; -'interesting unknown, say by what name am I to address so gentle a -sister in misery.' - -'Eh? What?' cried she, in a tone somewhat coarser than I was prepared -to expect. - -'May I presume on my sudden predilection,' said I, 'and inquire your -name?' - -'Maria,' replied she, rising from her seat; 'and now I must be gone.' - -'And where are you going, Maria?' said I. - -'To the Devil,' said she. - -'Alas! my love,' whispered I, 'sorrow hath bewildered thee. Impart to -me the cause of thy distress, and perhaps I can alleviate, if not -relieve it. I am myself a miserable orphan; but happy, thrice happy, -could I clasp a sympathetic bosom, in this frightful wilderness of -houses and faces, where, alas! I know not a human being.' - -'Then you are a stranger here?' said she quickly. - -'I have been here but a few hours,' answered I. - -'Have you money?' she demanded. - -'Only four guineas and a half,' replied I, taking out my purse. -'Perhaps you are in distress--perhaps--forgive this officiousness--not -for worlds would I wound your delicacy, but if you want assistance----' - -'I have only this old sixpence upon earth,' interrupted she, 'and there -'tis for you, Miss.' - -So saying, she put sixpence into my purse, which I had opened while I -was speaking. - -'Generous angel!' cried I. - -'Now we are in partnership, a'nt we?' said she. - -'Yes, sweet innocent,' answered I, 'we are partners in grief.' - -'And as grief is dry,' cried she, 'we will go moisten it.' - -'And where shall we moisten it, Maria?' said I. - -'In a pothouse,' cried she. 'It will do us good.' - -'O my Maria!' said I, 'never, never!' - -'Why then give me back my sixpence,' cried she, snatching at my purse; -but I held it fast, and, springing from her, ran away. - -'Stop thief, stop thief!' vociferated she. - -In an instant, I heard a sort of rattling noise from several quarters, -and an old fellow, called a watchman, came running out of a wooden box, -and seized me by the shoulder. - -'She has robbed me of my purse,' exclaimed the wily wanton. ''Tis a -green one, and has four guineas and a half in it, besides a curious old -sixpence.' - -The watchman took it from me, and examined it. - -''Tis my purse,' cried I, 'and I can swear it.' - -'You lie!' said the little wretch; 'you know well that you snatched it -out of my hand, when I was going to give you sixpence, out of charity.' - -Horror and astonishment struck me dumb; and when I told my tale, the -watchman declared that both of us must remain in custody, till next -morning; and then be carried before the magistrate. Accordingly, he -escorted us to the watchhouse, a room filled with smoke and culprits; -where we stayed all night, in the midst of swearing, snoring, laughing -and crying. - -In the morning we were carried before a magistrate; and with step -superb, arms folded, and neck erect, I entered the room. - -'Pert enough,' said the magistrate; and turning from me, continued his -examination of two men who stood near him. - -It appeared that one of them (whose name was Jerry Sullivan) had -assaulted the other, on the following occasion. A joint sum of money -had been deposited in Sullivan's hands, by this other, and a third man, -his partner, which sum Sullivan had consented to keep for them, and had -bound himself to return, whenever both should go together to him, and -demand it. Sometime afterwards, one of them went to him, and told him -that the other being ill, and therefore unable to come for the money, -had empowered him to get it. Sullivan, believing him, gave the money, -and when he next met the other, mentioned the circumstance. The other -denied having authorized what had been done, and demanded his own share -of the deposit from Sullivan, who refused it. Words ensued, and -Sullivan having knocked him down, was brought before the magistrate, to -be committed for an assault. - -'Have you any defence?' said the magistrate to him. - -'None that I know of,' answered he, 'only I would knock him down again, -if he touched my honour again.' - -'And is this your defence?' said the magistrate. - -'It is so,' replied Sullivan, 'and I hope your worship likes it, as -well as I like your worship.' - -'So well,' said the magistrate, 'that I now mean to do you a signal -service.' - -'Why then,' cried Sullivan, 'may the heavens smile on you.' - -'And that service,' continued the magistrate, 'is to commit you -immediately.' - -'Why then,' cried Sullivan, 'may the Devil inconvenience you!' - -'By your insolence, you should be an Irishman,' said the magistrate. - -'I was an Irishman forty years ago,' replied Sullivan, 'and I don't -suppose I am anything else now. Though I have left my country, I scorn -to change my birth-place.' - -'Commit him,' said the magistrate. - -Just then, a device struck me, which I thought might extricate the poor -fellow; so, having received permission, I went across, and whispered it -to him. - -'The heavens smile on you,' cried he, and then addressed his accuser: -'If I can prove to you that I have not broken our agreement about the -money, will you promise not to prosecute me for this assault?' - -'With all my heart,' answered he; 'for if you have not broken our -agreement, you must have the money still, which is all I want.' - -'And will your worship,' said Sullivan, 'permit this compromise, and -stand umpire between us?' - -'I have not the least objection,' answered the magistrate; 'for I would -rather be the means of your fulfilling an agreement, than of your -suffering a punishment; and would rather recompense your accuser with -money than with revenge.' - -'Well then,' said Jerry to his accuser; 'was not our agreement, that I -should return the money to yourself and your partner, whenever you came -together to me, and asked for it?' - -'Certainly,' said the man. - -'And did you both ever come together to me, and ask for it?' - -'Never,' said the man. - -'Then I have not broken our agreement,' cried Sullivan. - -'But you cannot keep it,' said the other; 'for you have given away the -money.' - -'No matter for that,' cried Sullivan, 'provided I have it when both of -you come to demand it. But I believe that will be never, for the fellow -who ran off will not much like to shew his face again. So now will your -worship please to decide.' - -The magistrate, after complimenting me upon my ingenuity, confessed, he -said, with much unwillingness, that Sullivan had made out his case -clearly. The poor accuser was therefore obliged to abide by his -promise, and Sullivan was dismissed, snapping his fingers, and offering -to treat the whole world with a tankard. - -My cause came after, and the treacherous Maria was ordered to state her -evidence. - -But what think you, Biddy, of my keeping you in suspense, till my next -letter? The practice of keeping in suspense is quite common among -novelists. Nay, there is a lady in the Romance of the Highlands, who -terminates, not her letter, but her life, much in the same style. For -when dying, she was about to disclose the circumstances of a horrid -murder, and would have done so too, had she not unfortunately expended -her last breath in a beautiful description of the verdant hills, rising -sun, all nature smiling, and a few streaks of purple in the east. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER VIII - - -Maria being ordered to state her evidence, 'That I will,' said she, -'only I am so ashamed of having been out late at night--but I must tell -your worship how that happened.' - -'You need not,' said the magistrate. - -'Well then,' she continued, 'I was walking innocently home, with my -poor eyes fixed upon the ground, for fear of the fellors, when what -should I see, but this girl, talking on some steps, with a pickpocket, -I fancy, for he looked pretty decent. So I ran past them, for I was so -ashamed you can't think; and this girl runs after me, and says, says -she, "The fellor wouldn't give me a little shilling," says she, "so by -Jingo, you must," says she.' - -'By Jingo! I say by Jingo?' cried I. 'St. Catherine guard me! Indeed, -your Excellenza, my only oath is Santa Maria.' - -'She swore at me like a trooper,' continued the little imp, 'so I -pulled out my purse in a fright, and she snatched it from me, and ran -away, and I after her, calling stop thief; and this is the whole truth -'pon my honour and word, and as I hope to be married.' - -The watchman declared that he had caught me running away, that he had -found the purse in my hand, and that Maria had described it, and the -money contained in it, accurately. - -'And will your worship,' said Maria, 'ask the girl to describe the -sixpence that is in it?' - -The magistrate turned to me. - -'Really,' said I, 'as I never even saw it, I cannot possibly pretend to -describe it.' - -'Then I can,' cried she. ''Tis bent in two places, and stamped on one -of its sides with a D and an H.' - -The sixpence was examined, and answered her description of it. - -'The case is clear enough,' said the magistrate, 'and now, Miss, try -whether you can advocate your own cause as well as Jerry Sullivan's.' - -Jerry, who still remained in the room, came behind me, and whispered, -'Troth, Miss, I have no brains, but I have a bit of an oath, if that is -of any use to you. I would sell my soul out of gratitude, at any time.' - -'Alas! your Excellenza,' said I to the magistrate, 'frail is the tenure -of that character, which has Innocence for its friend, and Infamy for -its foe. Life is a chequered scene of light and shade; life is a jest, -a stage----' - -'Talking of life is not the way to save it,' said the magistrate. 'Less -sentiment and more point, if you please.' - -I was silent, but looked anxiously towards the door. - -'Are you meditating an escape?' asked he. - -'No,' said I, 'but just wait a little, and you shall see what an -interesting turn affairs will take.' - -'Come,' cried he, 'proceed at once, or say you will not.' - -'Ah, now,' said I, 'can't you stop one moment, and not spoil everything -by your impatience. I am only watching for the tall, elegant young -stranger, with an oval face, who is to enter just at this crisis, and -snatch me from perdition.' - -'Did he promise to come?' said the magistrate. - -'Not at all,' answered I, 'for I have never seen the man in my life. -But whoever rescues me now, you know, is destined to marry me -hereafter. That is the rule.' - -'You are an impudent minx,' said the magistrate, 'and shall pay dear -for your jocularity. Have you parents?' - -'I cannot tell.' - -'Friends?' - -'None.' - -'Where do you live?' - -'No where.' - -'At least 'tis plain where you will die. What is your name?' - -'Cherubina.' - -'Cherubina what?' - -'I know not.' - -'Not know? I protest this is the most hardened profligate I have ever -met. Commit her instantly.' - -I now saw that something must be done; so summoning all my most -assuasive airs, I related the whole adventure, just as it had occurred. - -Not a syllable obtained belief. The fatal sixpence carried all before -it. I recollected the fate of Angelica Angela Angelina, and shuddered. -What should I do? One desperate experiment remained. - -'There were four guineas and half a guinea in the purse,' said I to the -girl. - -'To be sure there were,' cried she. 'How cunning you are to tell me my -own news.' - -'Now,' said I, 'answer me at once, and without hesitation, whether it -is the half guinea or one of the guineas that is notched in three -places, like the teeth of a saw?' - -She paused a little, and then said; 'I have a long story to tell about -those same notches. I wanted a silk handkerchief yesterday, so I went -into a shop to buy one, and an impudent ugly young fellor was behind -the counter. Well, he began ogling me so, I was quite ashamed; and says -he to me, there is the change of your two pound note, says he, a guinea -and a half in gold, says he, and you are vastly handsome, says he. And -there are three notches in one of the coins, says he; guess which, says -he, but it will pass all the same, says he, and you are prodigious -pretty, says he. So indeed, I was so ashamed, that though I looked at -the money, and saw the three notches, I have quite forgotten which they -were in--guinea or half guinea; for my sight spread so, with shame at -his compliments, that the half guinea looked as big as the guinea. -Well, out I ran, blushing like a poor, terrified little thing, and sure -enough, a horrid accident was near happening me in my hurry. For I was -just running under the wheel of a carriage, when a gentleman catches me -in his arms, and says he, you are prodigious pretty, says he; and I -frowned so, you can't think; and I am sure, I never remembered to look -at the money since; and this is the whole truth, I pledge you my credit -and honour, and _by the immaculate Wenus_, as the gentlemen say.' - -The accusing witness who insulted the magistrate's bench with the oath, -leered as she gave it in; and the recording clerk, as he wrote it down, -drew a line under the words, and pointed them out for ever. - -'Then you saw the three notches?' said I. - -'As plain as I see you now,' replied she, 'and a guilty poor thing you -look.' - -'And yet,' said I, 'if his Excellenza examines, he will find that there -is not a single notch in any one of the coins.' - -''Tis the case indeed,' said the magistrate, after looking at them. - -He then questioned both of us more minutely, and turning to me, said, -'Your conduct, young woman, is unaccountable: but as your accuser has -certainly belied herself, she has probably belied you. The money, by -her own account, cannot be her's, but as it was found in your -possession, it may be your's. I therefore feel fully justified in -restoring it to you, and in acquitting you of the crime laid to your -charge.' - -Jerry Sullivan uttered a shout of joy. I received the purse with silent -dignity, gave Maria back her sixpence, and hurried out of the room. - -Jerry followed me. - -'Why then,' cried he, shaking me heartily by the hand, as we walked -along, 'only tell me how I can serve you, and 'tis I am the man that -will do it; though, to be sure, you must be the greatest little -scapegrace (bless your heart!) in the three kingdoms.' - -'Alas!' said I, 'you mistake my character. I am heiress to an immense -territory, and a heroine--the proudest title that can adorn a woman.' - -'I never heard of that title before,' said Jerry, 'but I warrant 'tis -no better than it should be.' - -'You shall judge for yourself,' said I. 'A heroine is a young lady, -rather taller than usual, and often an orphan; at all events, possessed -of the finest eyes in the world. Though her frame is so fragile, that a -breath of wind might scatter it like chaff, it is sometimes stouter -than a statue of cast iron. She blushes to the tips of her fingers, and -when other girls would laugh, she faints. Besides, she has tears, -sighs, and half sighs, at command; lives a month on a mouthful, and is -addicted to the pale consumption.' - -'Why then, much good may it do her,' cried Jerry; 'but in my mind, a -phthisicky girl is no great treasure; and as for the fashion of living -a month on a mouthful, let me have a potatoe and chop for my dinner, -and a herring on Saturday nights, and I would not give a farthing for -all the starvation you could offer me. So when I finish my bit of -herring, my wife says to me, winking, a fish loves water, says she, and -immediately she fetches me a dram.' - -'These are the delights of vulgar life,' said I. 'But to be thin, -innocent, and lyrical; to bind and unbind her hair; in a word, to be -the most miserable creature that ever augmented a brook with tears, -these, my friend, are the glories of a heroine.' - -'Famous glories, by dad!' cried Jerry; 'but as I am a poor man, and not -particular, I can contrive to make shift with health and happiness, and -to rub through life without binding my hair.--Bind it? by the powers, -'tis seldom I even comb it.' - -As I was all this time without my bonnet (for in my hurry from -Betterton's I had left it behind me), I determined to purchase one. So -I went into a shop, with Jerry, and asked the woman of it for an -interesting and melancholy turn of bonnet. - -She looked at me with some surprise, but produced several; and I fixed -on one which resembled a bonnet that I had once seen in a picture of a -wood nymph. So I put it on me, wished the woman good morning, and was -walking away. - -'You have forgotten to pay me, Miss,' said she. - -'True,' replied I, 'but 'tis no great matter. Adieu.' - -'You shall pay me, however,' cried she, ringing a bell, and a man -entered instantly from an inner room. - -'Here is a hussey,' exclaimed she, 'who refuses to pay me for a -bonnet.' - -'My sweet friend,' said I to her, 'a distressed heroine, which I am, I -assure you, runs in debt every where. Besides, as I like your face, I -mean to implicate you in my plot, and make you one of the _dramatis -personæ_ in the history of my life. Probably you will turn out to be -my mother's nurse's daughter. At all events, I give you my word, I will -pay you at the _denouement_, when the other characters come to be -provided for; and meantime, to secure your acquaintance, I must insist -on owing you money.' - -'By dad,' said Jerry, 'that is the first of all ways to lose an -acquaintance.' - -'The bonnet or the money!' cried the man, stepping between me and the -door. - -'Neither the one nor the other,' answered I. 'No, Sir, to run in debt -is part of my plan, and by what right dare you interfere to save me -from ruin? Pretty, indeed, that a girl at my time of life cannot select -her own misfortunes! Sir, your conduct astonishes, shocks, disgusts -me.' - -To such a reasonable appeal the man could not reply, so he snatched at -my bonnet. Jerry jumped forward, and arrested his arm. - -'Hands off, bully!' cried the shopman. - -'No, in troth,' said Jerry; 'and the more you bid me, the more I won't -let you go. If her ladyship has set her heart on a robbery, I am not -the man to balk her fancy. Sure, did not she save me from a gaol? And -sure, would not I help her to a bonnet? A bonnet? 'Pon my conscience, -she shall have half a dozen. 'Tis I that would not much mind being -hanged for her!' - -So saying, he snatched a parcel of bonnets from the counter, and was -instantly knocked down by the shopman. He rose, and both began a -furious conflict. In the midst of it, I was attempting to rush from the -shop, when I found my spangled muslin barbarously seized by the woman, -who tore it to pieces in the struggle; and pulling off the bonnet, gave -me a horrid slap in the face. I would have cuffed her nicely in return, -only that she was more than my match; but I stamped at her with my -feet. At first I was shocked at having made this unheroic gesture; till -I luckily recollected, that Amanda once stamped at an amorous footman. - -Meantime Jerry had stunned his adversary with a blow; so taking this -opportunity of escape, he dragged me with him from the shop, and -hurried me through several streets, without uttering a word. - -At length I was so much exhausted, that we stopped; and strange figures -we were: Jerry's face smeared with blood, nothing on my head, my long -hair hanging loose about me, and my poor spangled muslin all in rags. - -'Here,' said Jerry to an old woman who was selling apples at the corner -of the street, 'take care of this young body, while I fetch her a -coach.' And off he ran. - -The woman looked at me with a suspicious eye, so I resolved to gain her -good opinion. It struck me that I might extract pathos from an apple, -and taking one from her stall, 'An apple, my charming old friend,' said -I, 'is the symbol of discord. Eve lost Paradise by tasting it, Paris -exasperated Juno by throwing it.'--A loud burst of laughter made me -turn round, and I perceived a crowd already at my elbow. - -'Who tore her gown?' said one. - -'Ask her spangles,' said another. - -'Or her hair,' cried a third. - -''Tis long enough to hang her,' cried a fourth. - -'The king's hemp will do that job for her,' added a fifth. - -A pull at my muslin assailed me on the one side, and when I turned -about, my hair was thrown over my face on the other. - -'Good people,' said I, 'you know not whom you thus insult. I am -descended from illustrious, and perhaps Italian parents----' - -A butcher's boy advanced, and putting half a hat under his arm; 'Will -your ladyship,' said he, 'permit me to hand you into that there shop?' - -I bowed assent, and he led me, nothing loath. Peals of laughter -followed us. - -'Now,' said I, as I stood at the door, 'I will reward your gallantry -with half a guinea.' - -As I drew forth my money, I saw his face reddening, his cheeks -swelling, and his mouth pursing up. - -'What delicate sensibility!' said I, 'but positively you must not -refuse this trifle.' - -He took it, and then, just think, the brute laughed in my face! - -'I will give this guinea,' cried I, quite enraged, 'to the first who -knocks that ungrateful down.' - -Hardly had I spoken, when he was laid prostrate. He fell against the -stall, upset it, and instantly the street was strewn with apples, nuts, -and cakes. He rose. The battle raged. Some sided with him, some against -him. The furious stall-woman pelted both parties with her own apples; -while the only discreet person there, was a ragged little girl, who -stood laughing at a distance, and eating one of the cakes. - -In the midst of the fray, Jerry returned with a coach. I sprang into -it, and he after me. - -'The guinea, the guinea!' cried twenty voices at once. At once twenty -apples came rattling against the glasses. - -'Pay me for my apples!' cried the woman. - -'Pay me for my windows!' cried the coachman. - -'Drive like a devil,' cried Jerry, 'and I will pay you like an -emperor!' - -'Much the same sort of persons, now-a-days,' said the coachman, and -away we flew. The guinea, the guinea! died along the sky. I thought I -should have dropt with laughter. - -My dear friend, do you not sympathize with my sorrows? Desolate, -destitute, and dependent on strangers, what is to become of me? I -declare I am extremely unhappy. - -I write from Jerry's house, where I have taken refuge for the present; -and as soon as I am settled elsewhere, you shall hear from me again. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER IX - - -Jerry Sullivan is a petty woollendraper in St. Giles's, and occupies -the ground-floor of a small house. At first his wife and daughter eyed -me with some suspicion; but when he told them how I had saved him from -ruin, and that I was somehow or other a great lady in disguise, they -became very civil, and gave me a tolerable breakfast. Then fatigued and -sleepy, I threw myself on a bed, and slept till two. - -I woke with pains in all my limbs; but anxious to forward the -adventures of my life, I rose, and called mother and daughter to a -consultation on my dress. They furnished me with their best -habiliments, for which I agreed to give them two guineas; and I then -began equipping myself. - -While thus employed, I heard the voices of husband and wife in the next -room, rising gradually to the matrimonial key. At last the wife -exclaims, - -'A Heroine? I will take my corporal oath, there is no such title in all -England; and if she has the four guineas, she never came honestly by -them; so the sooner she parts with them the better; and not a step -shall she stir in our cloathes till she launches forth three of them. -So that's that, and mine's my own, and how do you like my manners, -Ignoramus?' - -'How dare you call me Ignoramus?' cried Jerry. 'Blackguard if you like, -but no ignoramus, I believe. I know what I could call you, though.' - -'Well,' cried she, 'saving a drunkard and a scold, what else can you -call me?' - -'I won't speak another word to you,' said Jerry; 'I would not speak to -you, if you were lying dead in the kennel.' - -'Then you're an ugly unnatural beast, so you are,' cried she, 'and your -Miss is no better than a bad one; and I warrant you understand one -another well.' - -This last insinuation was sufficient for me. What! remain in a house -where suspicion attached to my character? What! act so diametrically, -so outrageously contrary to the principle of aspersed heroines, who are -sure on such occasions to pin up a bundle, and set off? I spurned the -mean idea, and resolved to decamp instantly. So having hastened my -toilette, I threw three guineas on the table, and then looked for a pen -and ink, to write a sonnet on gratitude. I could find nothing, however, -but a small bit of chalk, and with this substitute, I scratched the -following lines on the wall. - - SONNET ON GRATITUDE - - _Addressed to Jerry Sullivan_ - - As some deputed angel, from the spheres - Of empyrean day, with nectar dewed, - Through firmamental wildernesses steers, - To starless tracts of black infinitude-- - -Here the chalk failed me, and just at the critical moment for my simile -had also failed me, nor could I have ever gotten beyond infinitude. I -got to the street door, however, and without fear of being overheard; -to such an altitude of tone had words arisen between husband and wife, -who were now contesting a most delicate point--which of them had beaten -the other last. - -'I know,' cried Jerry, 'that I gave the last blow.' - -'Then take the first now,' cried his wife, as I shut the door. - -Anticipating the probability that I should have occasion for Jerry's -services again, I marked the number of the house, and then hastened -along the street. It was swarming and humming like a hive of bees, and -I felt as if I could never escape alive out of it. Here a carriage -almost ran over me; there a waggoner's whip almost blinded me. Now a -sweep brushed against me. 'Beauty!' cried a man like a monkey, and -chucked my chin, while a fellow with a trunk shoved me aside. - -I now turned into a street called Bond Street, where a long procession -of carriages was passing. I remarked that the coachmen (they could not -be gentlemen, I am sure) appeared to stand in great estimation; for the -ladies of one carriage used to nod most familiarly to the driver of -another. Indeed, I had often heard it said, that ladies and coachmen -are sometimes particularly intimate; but till now I could never believe -it. - -The shops next attracted my attention, and I stopped to look at some of -them. You cannot conceive any thing more charming: Turkish turbans, -Indian shawls, pearls, diamonds, fans, feathers, laces; all shewn for -nothing at the windows. I had but one guinea remaining! - -At length feeling tired and hungry, and my feet being quite foundered, -I determined to lose no farther time in taking lodgings. Perceiving -'Apartments to let,' written on a door, I rapped, and a servant girl -opened it. - -'Pray,' said I to her, 'are your northern apartments uninhabited?' - -She replied that there were two rooms on the second floor disengaged, -and comfortably furnished. - -'I do not want them comfortable,' said I; 'but are they furnished with -tapestry and old pictures? That is the point.' - -'There is only master's face over the chimney,' said she. - -'Do the doors creek on their hinges?' asked I. - -'That they don't,' said she, 'for I oiled 'em all only yesterday.' - -'Then you shewed a depraved taste,' cried I. 'At least, are the -apartments haunted?' - -'Lauk, no!' said she, half shutting the door. - -'Well then, my good girl, tell me candidly whether your mistress is -like the landladies one reads of. Is she a fat, bustling little woman, -who would treat me to tea, cakes, and plenty of gossip, and at the end -of a week, say to me, "out, hussy, tramp this moment;" or is she a -pale, placid matron, worn to a thread-paper, and whose story is -interwoven with mine?' - -'Deuce take your impudence!' cried she, slapping the door in my face. - -I tried other houses with no better success; and even when I merely -asked for common lodgings, without stipulating for spectres or -tapestry, the people would not accommodate me, unless I could procure -some recommendation besides my own. - -As I had no friend to give me a character, it became necessary to make -a friend; so I began to look about for a fit subject. Passing a shop -where eggs and butter were sold, and lodgings to be let, I perceived a -pretty woman sitting behind the counter, and a fine infant playing upon -it. I thought that all this bore an auspicious appearance; so I -tottered into the shop, and placing myself opposite to the woman, I -gazed at her with an engaging and gentle intelligence. She demanded my -business. - -'Interesting creature!' whispered I, pressing her hand as it rested on -the counter. 'O may that little rosy fatling----' - -Unfortunately there was an egg in the hand that I took, which I crushed -by the compression, and the yolk came oozing between her fingers. - -'Reptile!' cried she, as she threw the fragments in my face. - -'Savage!' cried I, as I ran out of the shop, and wiped off the eggy -dishonours. - -At length I reached an immense edifice, which appeared to me the castle -of some brow-knitting baron. Ponderous columns supported it, and -statues stood in the niches. The portal lay open. I glided into the -hall. As I looked anxiously around, I beheld a cavalier descending a -flight of steps. He paused, muttered some words, laid his hand upon his -heart, dropped it, shook his head, and proceeded. - -I felt instantly interested in his fate; and as he came nearer, -perceived, that surely never lighted on this orb, which he hardly -seemed to touch, a more delightful vision. His form was tall, his face -oval, and his nose aquiline. Seducing sweetness dwelled in his smile, -and as he pleased, his expressive eyes could sparkle with rapture, or -beam with sensibility. Once more he paused, frowned, and waving his -arm, exclaimed, with an elegant energy of enunciation! - -'To watch the minutes of this night, that if again this apparition -come, he may approve our eyes, and speak to it!' - -That moment a pang, poignant, but delicious, transfixed my bosom. Too -well I felt and confessed it the dart of love. In sooth, too well I -knew that my heart was lost to me for ever. Silly maiden! But fate had -decreed it. - -I rushed forward, and sank at the feet of the stranger. - -'Pity and protect a destitute orphan!' cried I. 'Here, in this -hospitable castle, I may hope for repose and protection. Oh, Signor, -conduct me to your respected mother, the Baroness, and let me pour into -her ear my simple and pathetic tale.' - -'O ho! simple and pathetic!' cried he. 'Come, my dear, let me hear it.' - -I seated myself on the steps, and told him my whole story. During the -recital, the noble youth betrayed extreme sensibility. Sometimes he -turned his head aside to conceal his emotion; and sometimes stifled a -hysterical laugh of agony. - -When I had ended, he begged to know whether I was quite certain that I -had ten thousand pounds in my power. I replied, that as Wilkinson's -daughter, I certainly had; but that the property must devolve to some -one else, as soon as I should be proved a nobleman's daughter. - -He then made still more accurate inquiries about it; and after having -satisfied himself: - -'Beshrew my heart!' exclaimed he; 'but I will avenge your injuries; and -ere long you shall be proclaimed and acknowledged the Lady Cherubina De -Willoughby. Meantime, as it will be prudent for you to lie concealed -from the search of your enemies, hear the project which I have formed. -I lodge at present in Drury-lane, an obscure street; and as one -apartment in the house is unoccupied, you can hire it, and remain -there, a beautiful recluse, till fortune and my poor efforts shall -rescue from oppression the most enchanting of her sex.' - -He spoke, and seizing my hand, carried it to his lips. - -'What!' cried I, 'do you not live in this castle, and are you not its -noble heir?' - -'This is no castle,' said he, 'but Covent Garden Theatre.' - -'And you?' asked I with anxiety. - -'Am an actor,' answered he. - -'And your name?' - -'Is Abraham Grundy.' - -'Then, Mr. Abraham Grundy,' said I, 'allow me to have the satisfaction -of wishing you a very good evening.' - -'Stay!' cried he, detaining me, 'and you shall know the whole truth. My -birth is illustrious, and my real name Lord Altamont Mortimer -Montmorenci. But like you, I am enveloped in a cloud of mysteries, and -compelled to the temporary resource of acting. Hereafter I will -acquaint you with the most secret particulars of my life; but at -present, you must trust to my good faith, and accept of my protection.' - -'Generous Montmorenci!' exclaimed I, giving him my hand, which he -pressed upon his heart. - -'Now,' said he, 'you must pass at these lodgings as my near relation, -or they will not admit you.' - -At first, I hesitated at deviating from veracity; but soon consented, -on recollecting, that though heroines begin with praising truth, -necessity makes them end with being the greatest story-tellers in the -world. Nay, Clarissa Harlowe, when she had a choice, often preferred -falsehood to fact. - -During our walk to the lodgings, Montmorenci instructed me how to play -my part, and on our arrival, introduced me to the landlady, who was -about fifty, and who looked as if the goddess of fasting had bespoken -her for a hand-maid. - -With an amiable effrontery, and a fine easy flow of falsehood, he told -her, as we had concerted, that I was his second cousin, and an orphan; -my name Miss Donald (Amanda's assumed name), and that I had come to -Town for the purpose of procuring by his interest, an appointment at -the Theatre. - -The landlady said she would move heaven and earth, and her own bed, for -so good a gentleman; and then consented to give me her sleeping-room on -the ground-floor, at some trifle or other,--I forget what. I have also -the use of a parlour adjoining it. There is, however, nothing -mysterious in these chambers, but a dark closet belonging to the -parlour, whither I may fly for refuge, when pursued by my persecutors. - -Thus, my friend, the plot of my history begins to take a more -interesting shape, and a fairer order of misfortune smiles upon me. -Trust me, there is a taste in distress as well as in millinery. Far be -from me the loss of eyes or limbs, such publicity as the pillory -affords, or the grossness of a jail-fever. I would be sacrificed to the -lawless, not to the laws, dungeoned in the holy Inquisition, not -clapped into Bridewell, recorded in a novel, not in the Newgate -Calender. Were I inelegantly unhappy, I should be wretched indeed. - -Yes, my Biddy, sensations hitherto unknown now heave my white bosom, -vary the carnation of my cheeks, and irradiate my azure eyes. I sigh, -gaze on vacancy, start from a reverie; now bite, now moisten my coral -lip, and pace my chamber with unequal steps. Too sure I am deeply, -distractedly in love, and Altamont Mortimer Montmorenci is the first of -men. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER X - - -The landlady, his lordship, and another lodger, are accustomed to dine -in common; and his lordship easily persuaded me to join the party. -Accordingly, just as I had finished my last letter, dinner was -announced, so having braided my tresses, I tripped up stairs, and -glided into the room. You must know I have practised tripping, gliding, -flitting, and tottering, with great success. Of these, tottering ranks -first, as it is the approved movement of heroic distress. - -'I wonder where our mad poet can be?' said the hostess; and as she -spoke, an uncouth figure entered, muttering in emphatic accents, - - 'The hounds around bound on the sounding ground.' - -He started on seeing me, and when introduced by his lordship, as Mr. -Higginson, his fellow lodger, and a celebrated poet, he made an -unfathomable bow, rubbed his hands, and reddened to the roots of his -hair. - -This personage is tall, gaunt, and muscular; with a cadaverous -countenance, and black hair in strings on his forehead. I find him one -of those men who spend their lives in learning how the Greeks and -Romans lived; how they spoke, dressed, ate; what were their coins and -houses, &c.; but neglect acquainting themselves with the manners and -customs of their own times. Montmorenci tells me that his brain is -affected by excessive study; but that his manners are harmless. - -At dinner, Montmorenci looked all, said all, did all, which conscious -nobility, united with ardent attachment, could inspire in a form -unrivalled, and a face unexcelled. I perceived that the landlady -regarded him with eyes of tender attention, and languishing allurement, -but in vain. I was his magnet and his Cynosure. - -As to Higginson, he did not utter a word during dinner, except asking -for a bit of _lambkin_; but he preserved a perpetuity of gravity in -his face, and stared at me, the whole time, with a stupid and -reverential fixedness. When I spoke, he stopped in whatever attitude -he happened to be; whether with a glass at his mouth, or a fork half -lifted to it. - -After dinner, I proposed that each of us should relate the history of -our lives; an useful custom established by heroines, who seldom fail of -finding their account in it; as they are almost always sure to -discover, by such means, either a grandmother or a murder. Thus too, -the confession of a monk, the prattle of an old woman, a diamond cross -on a child's neck, or a parchment, are the certain forerunners of -virtue vindicated, vice punished, rights restored, and matrimony made -easy. - -The landlady was asked to begin. - -'I have nothing to tell of myself,' said she, 'but that my mother left -me this house, and desired me to look out for a good husband, Mr. -Grundy; and I am not as old as I look; for I have had my griefs, as -well as other folks, and every tear adds a year, as they say; and 'pon -my veracity, Mr. Grundy, I was but thirty-two last month. And my -bitterest enemies never impeached my character, that is what they -did'nt, nor could'nt; they dare'nt to my face. I am a perfect snowdrop -for purity. Who presumes to go for to say that a lord left me an -annuity or the like? Who, I ask? But I got a prize in the lottery. So -this is all I can think to tell of myself; and, Mr. Grundy, your -health, and a good wife to you, Sir.' - -After this eloquent piece of biography, we requested of Higginson to -recount his adventures; and he read a short sketch, which was to have -accompanied a volume of poems, had not the booksellers refused to -publish them. I copy it for you. - - MEMOIRS OF JAMES HIGGINSON - - BY HIMSELF: - - 'Of the lives of poets, collected from posthumous record, and oral - tradition, as little is known with certainty, much must be left to - conjecture. He therefore, who presents his own memoirs to the - public, may surely merit the reasonable applause of all, whose - minds are emancipated from the petulance of envy, the - fastidiousness of hypercriticism, and the exacerbation of party. - - 'I was born in the year 1771, at 24, Swallow Street; and should the - curious reader wish to examine the mansion, he has every thing to - hope from the alert urbanity of its present landlord, and the civil - obsequiousness of his notable lady. He who gives civility, gives - what costs him little, while remuneration may be multiplied in an - indefinite ratio. - - 'My parents were reputable tobacconists, and kept me behind the - counter, to negociate the titillating dust, and the tranquillizing - quid. Of genius the first spark which I elicited, was reading a - ballad in the shop, while the woman who sold it to me was stealing - a canister of snuff. This specimen of mental abstraction (a quality - which I still preserve), shewed that I would never make a good - tradesman; but it also shewed, that I would make an excellent - scholar. A tutor was accordingly appointed for me; and during a - triennial course of study, I had passed from the insipidity of the - incipient _hic_, _hæc_, _hoc_, to the music of a Virgil, and the - thunder of a Demosthenes. - - 'Debarred by my secluded life from copying the polished converse of - high society, I have at least endeavoured to avoid the vulgar - phraseology of low; and to discuss the very weather with a - sententious association of polysyllabical ratiocination. - - 'With illustrations of my juvenile character, recollection but ill - supplies me. That I have always disliked the diurnal ceremony of - ablution, and a hasty succession of linen, is a truth which he who - has a sensitive texture of skin will easily credit; which he who - will not credit, may, if he pleases, deny; and may, if he can, - controvert. But I assert the fact, and I expect to be believed, - because I assert it. Life, among its quiet blessings, can boast of - few things more comfortable than indifference to dress. - - 'To honey with my bread, and to apple-sauce with my goose, I have - ever felt a romantic attachment, resulting from the classical - allusions which they inspire. That man is little to be envied, - whose honey would not remind him of the Hyblean honey, and whose - apple-sauce would not suggest to him the golden apple. - - 'But notwithstanding my cupidity for such dainties, I have that - happy adaptation of taste which can banquet, with delight, upon - hesternal offals; can nibble ignominious radishes, or masticate - superannuated mutton. - - 'My first series of teeth I cut at the customary time, and the - second succeeded them with sufficient punctuality. This fact I had - from my mother. - - 'My first poetical attempt was an epitaph on the death of my tutor, - and it was produced at the precocious age of ten. - - EPITAPH - - Here lies the body of John Tomkins, who - Departed this life, aged fifty-two; - After a long and painful illness, that - He bore with Christian fortitude, though fat. - He died lamented deeply by this poem, - And all who had the happiness to know him. - - 'This composition my father did not long survive; and my mother, to - the management of the business feeling quite unequal, relinquished - it altogether, and retired with the respectable accumulation of a - thousand pounds. - - 'I still pursued my studies, and from time to time accommodated - confectionaries and band-boxes with printed sheets, which the world - might have read, had it pleased, and might have been pleased with, - had it read. For some years past, however, the booksellers have - declined to publish my productions at all. Envious enemies poison - their minds against me, and persuade them that my brain is - disordered. For, like Rousseau, I am the victim of implacable foes; - but my genius, like an arch, becomes stronger the more it is - opprest. - - 'On a pretty little maid of my mother's, I made my next poetical - effort, which I present to the reader. - - TO DOROTHY PULVERTAFT - - If Black-sea, White-sea, Red-sea ran - One tide of ink to Ispahan; - If all the geese in Lincoln fens, - Produc'd spontaneous, well-made pens; - If Holland old or Holland new, - One wond'rous sheet of paper grew; - Could I, by stenographic power, - Write twenty libraries an hour; - And should I sing but half the grace - Of half a freckle on thy face; - Each syllable I wrote, should reach - From Inverness to Bognor's beach; - Each hairstroke be a river Rhine, - Each verse an equinoctial line. - -'Of the girl, an immediate dismission ensued; but for what reason, let -the sedulous researches of future biographers decide. - -'At length, having resolved on writing a volume of Eclogues, I -undertook an excursion into the country to learn pastoral manners, and -write in comfort, far from my tailor. An amputated loaf, and a -contracted Theocritus, constituted my companions. Not a cloud blotted -the blue concave, not a breeze superinduced undulation over the verdant -tresses of the trees. - -'In vain I questioned the youths and maidens about their Damons and -Delias; their Dryads and Hamadryads; their Amaboean contentions and -their amorous incantations. When I talked of Pan, they asked me if it -was a pan of milk; when I requested to see the pastoral pipe, they -shewed me a pipe of tobacco; when I spoke of satyrs with horns, they -bade me go to the husbands; and when I spoke of fawns with cloven heel, -they bade me go to the Devil. While charmed with a thatched and shaded -cottage, its slimy pond or smoking dunghill disgusted me; and when I -recumbed on a bank of cowslips and primroses, my features were -transpierced by wasps and ants and nettles. I fell asleep under -sunshine, and awoke under a torrent of rain. Dripping and disconsolate, -I returned to my mother, drank some whey; and since that misadventurous -perambulation have never ruralized again. To him who subjects himself -to a recurrence of disaster, the praise of boldness may possibly be -accorded, but the praise of prudence must certainly be denied. - -'A satirical eclogue, however, was the fruit of this expedition. It is -called Antique Amours, and is designed to shew, that passions which are -adapted to one time of life, appear ridiculous in another. The reader -shall have it. - - ANTIQUE AMOUR - - AN ECLOGUE - - 'Tis eve. The sun his ardent axle cools - In ocean. Dripping geese shake off the pools. - An elm men's shadows measure; red and dun, - The shattered leaves are rustling as they run; - While an aged bachelor and ancient maid, - Sit amorous under an old oak decayed. - He (for blue vapours damp the scanty grass) - Strews fodder underneath the hoary lass; - Then thus,--O matchless piece of season'd clay, - 'Tis Autumn, all things shrivel and decay. - Yet as in withered Autumn, charms we see, - Say, faded maiden, may we not in thee? - What tho' thy cheek have furrows? ne'er deplore; - For wrinkles are the dimples of threescore: - Tho' from those azure lips the crimson flies, - It fondly circles round those roseate eyes; - And while thy nostrils snuff the fingered grain, - The tinct thy locks have lost, thy lips obtain. - Come then, age urges, hours have winged feet, - Ah! press the wedding ere the winding sheet. - To clasp that waist compact in stiffened fold, - Of woof purpureal, flowered with radiant gold; - Then, after stately kisses, to repair - That architectural edifice of hair, - These, these are blessings.--O my grey delight, - O venerable nymph, O painted blight, - Give me to taste of these. By Heaven above, - I tremble less with palsy than with love; - And tho' my husky murmurs creak uncouth, - My words flow unobstructed by a tooth. - Come then, age urges, hours have winged feet, - Ah! press the wedding ere the winding sheet. - Come, thou wilt ne'er provoke crimconic law, - Nor lie, maternal, on the pale-eyed straw. - Come, and in formal frolic intertwine, - The braided silver of thy hair with mine. - Then sing some bibulous and reeling glee, - And drink crusht juices of the grape with me. - Sing, for the wine no water shall dilute; - 'Tis drinking water makes the fishes mute. - Come then, age urges, hours have winged feet; - Ah! press the wedding, ere the winding sheet. - So spoke the slim and elderly remains - Of once a youth. A staff his frame sustains; - And aids his aching limbs, from knee to heel, - Thin as the spectre of a famished eel. - Sharpening the blunted glances of her eyes, - The virgin a decrepid simper tries, - Then stretches rigid smiles, which shew him plain, - Her passion, and the teeth that still remain. - Innocent pair! But now the rain begins, - So both knot kerchiefs underneath their chins. - And homeward haste. Such loves the Poet wrote, - In the patch'd poverty of half a coat; - Then diadem'd with quills his brow sublime, - Magnanimously mad in mighty rhime. - - 'With my venerable parent, I now pass a harmless life. As we have - no society, we have no scandal; ourselves, therefore, we make our - favourite topic, and ourselves we are unwilling to dispraise. - - 'Whether the public will admire my works, as well as my mother - does, far be from me to determine. If they cannot boast of wit and - judgment, to the praise of truth and modesty they may at least lay - claim. To be unassuming in an age of impudence, and veracious in an - age of mendacity, is to combat with a sword of glass against a - sword of steel; the transparency of the one may be more beautiful - than the opacity of the other; yet let it be recollected, that the - transparency is accompanied with brittleness, and the opacity with - consolidation.' - - * * * * * - -I listened with much compassion to this written evidence of a perverted -intellect. O my friend, what a frightful disorder is madness! - -My turn came next, and I repeated the fictitious tale that Montmorenci -had taught me. He confirmed it; and on being asked to relate his own -life, gave us, with great taste, such a natural narrative of a man -living on his wits, that any one who knew not his noble origin must -have believed it. - -Soon afterwards, he retired to dress for the theatre; and when he -returned, I beheld a perfect hero. He was habited in an Italian -costume; his hair hung in ringlets, and mustachios embellished his lip. - -He then departed in a coach, and as soon as he had left us: - -'I declare,' said the landlady to me, 'I do not like your cousin's -style of beauty at all; particularly his pencilled eyebrows and curled -locks, they look so womanish.' - -'What!' said I, 'not admire Hesperian, Hyacinthine, clustering curls? -Surely you would not have a hero with overhanging brows and lank hair? -These are worn by none but the villains and assassins.' - -I perceived poor Higginson colouring, and twisting his fingers; and I -then recollected that his brows and hair have precisely the faults -which I reprobated. - -'Dear, dear, dear!' muttered he, and made a precipitate retreat from -the room. - -I retired soon after; and I now hasten to throw myself on my bed, dream -of love and Montmorenci, and wake unrefreshed, from short and -distracted slumbers. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XI - - -This morning, soon after breakfast, I heard a gentle knocking at my -door, and, to my great astonishment, a figure, cased in shining armour, -entered. Oh! ye conscious blushes, it was my Montmorenci! A plume of -white feathers nodded on his helmet, and neither spear nor shield were -wanting. - -'I come,' cried he, bending on one knee, and pressing my hand to his -lips, 'I come in the ancient armour of my family, to perform my promise -of recounting to you the melancholy memoirs of my life.' - -'My lord,' said I, 'rise and be seated. Cherubina knows how to -appreciate the honour that Montmorenci confers.' - -He bowed; and having laid by his spear, shield, and helmet, he placed -himself beside me on the sofa, and began his heart-rending history. - -'All was dark. The hurricane howled, the hail rattled, and the thunder -rolled. Nature was convulsed, and the traveller inconvenienced. - -'In the province of Languedoc stood the Gothic Castle of Montmorenci. -Before it ran the Garonne, and behind it rose the Pyrenees, whose -summits exhibiting awful forms, seen and lost again, as the partial -vapours rolled along, were sometimes barren, and gleamed through the -blue tinge of air, and sometimes frowned with forests of gloomy fir, -that swept downward to their base. - -'My lads, are your carbines charged, and your daggers sharpened?' -whispered Rinaldo, with his plume of black feathers, to the banditti, -in their long cloaks. - -'If they an't,' said Bernardo, 'by St. Jago, we might load our carbines -with the hail, and sharpen our daggers against this confounded -north-wind.' - -'The wind is east-south-east,' said Ugo. - -'At this moment the bell of Montmorenci Castle tolled one. The sound -vibrated through the long corridors, the spiral staircases, the suites -of tapestried apartments, and the ears of the personage who has the -honour to address you. Much alarmed, I started from my couch, which was -of exquisite workmanship; the coverlet of flowered gold, and the canopy -of white velvet painted over with jonquils and butterflies, by Michael -Angelo. But conceive my horror when I beheld my chamber filled with -banditti! - -'Snatching my sword, I flew to a corner, where my coat of mail lay -heapt. The bravos rushed upon me; but I fought and dressed, and dressed -and fought, till I had perfectly completed my unpleasing toilette. - -'I then stood alone, firm, dignified, collected, and only fifteen years -of age. - - Alack! there lies more peril in thine eye, - Than twenty of their swords.-- - -'To describe the horror of the contest that followed, were beyond the -pen of an Anacreon. In short, I fought till my silver skin was laced -with my golden blood; while the bullets flew round me, thick as hail, - - And whistled as they went for want of thought. - -'At length my sword broke, so I set sail for England. - -'As I first touched foot on her chalky beach; Hail! exclaimed I, happy -land, thrice hail! Take to thy fostering bosom the destitute -Montmorenci--Montmorenci, once the first and richest of the Gallic -nobility--Montmorenci, whom wretches drove from his hereditary -territories, for loyalty to his monarch, and opposition to the -atrocities of exterminators and revolutionists. - -'Nine days and nights I wandered through the country, the rivulet my -beverage, and the berry my repast: the turf my couch, and the sky my -canopy.' - -'Ah!' interrupted I, 'how much you must have missed the canopy of white -velvet painted over with jonquils and butterflies!' - -'Extremely,' said he, 'for during sixteen long years, I had not a roof -over my head.--I was an itinerant beggar! - -'One summer's day, the cattle lay panting under the broad umbrage; the -sun had burst into an immoderate fit of splendour, and the struggling -brook chided the matted grass for obstructing it. I sat under a hedge, -and began eating wild strawberries; when lo! a form, flexile as the -flame ascending from a censer, and undulating with the sighs of a dying -vestal, flitted inaudible by me, nor crushed the daisies as it trod. -What a divinity! she was fresh as the Anadyomene of Apelles, and -beautiful as the Gnidus of Praxitiles, or the Helen of Zeuxis. Her eyes -dipt in Heaven's own hue.'---- - -'Sir,' said I, 'you need not mind her eyes: I dare say they were blue -enough. But pray who was this immortal doll of your's?' - -'Who!' cried he. 'Why who but--shall I speak it? Who but--the LADY -CHERUBINA DE WILLOUGHBY!!!' - -'I!' - -'You!' - -'Ah! Montmorenci!' - -'Ah! Cherubina! I followed you with cautious steps,' continued he, -'till I traced you into your--you had a garden, had you not?' - -'Yes.' - -'Into your garden. I thought ten thousand flowerets would have leapt -from their beds to offer you a nosegay. But the age of gallantry is -past, that of merchants, placemen, and fortune-hunters has succeeded, -and the glory of Cupid is extinguished for ever! - -'You disappeared, I uttered incoherent sentences, and next morning -resumed my station at a corner of the garden.' - -'At which corner?' asked I. - -'Why really,' said he, 'I cannot explain; for the place was then new to -me, and the ground was covered with snow.' - -'With snow!' cried I. 'Why I thought you were eating wild strawberries -only the day before.' - -'I!' said he. 'Sure you mistake.' - -'I declare most solemnly you told me so,' cried I. - -'Why then,' said he, 'curse me if I did.' - -'Sir,' said I. 'I must remark that your manners----' - -'Bless me!' cried he, 'yes, I did say so, sure enough, and I did eat -wild strawberries too; but they were _preserved_ wild strawberries. I -had got a small crock of them from an oyster woman, who was opening -oysters in a meadow, for a hysterical butcher; and her knife having -snapt in two, I lent her my sword; so, out of gratitude, she made me a -present of the preserves. By the bye, they were mouldy. - -'One morning, as I sat at the side of the road, asking alms, some -provincial players passed by me. I accosted them, and offered my -services. In short, they took me with them; I performed, was applauded; -and at length my fame reached London, where I have now been acting some -years, with much success; anxious as I am, to realize a little money, -that I may return, in disguise, to my native country, and petition -Napoleon to restore my forfeited estates. - -'Such, fair lady, such is my round, unvarnished tale. - -'But wherefore,' cried he, starting from his seat; 'wherefore talk of -the past? Oh! let me tell you of the present and of the future. Oh! let -me tell you, how dearly, how devotedly I love you!' - -'Love me!' cried I, giving such a start as the nature of the case -required. 'My lord, this is so--really now so----' - -'Pardon this abrupt avowal of my unhappy passion,' said he, flinging -himself at my feet. 'Fain would I have let concealment, like a worm in -the bud, feed on my damask cheek; but, oh! who could resist the -maddening sight of so much beauty?' - -I remained silent, and with the elegant embarrassment of modesty, cast -my blue eyes to the ground. I never looked so lovely. - -'But I go!' cried he, springing on his feet. 'I fly from you for ever! -No more shall Cherubina be persecuted with my hopeless love. But -Cherubina, the hills and the vallies shall echo, and the songsters of -the grove shall articulate Cherubina. I will shake the leaves of the -forest with my sighs, and make the stream so briny with my tears, that -the turbot shall swim into it, and the sea-weed grow upon its banks!' - -'Ah, do not!' said I, with a look of unutterable anguish. - -'I will!' exclaimed he, pacing the chamber with long strides, and -slapping his heart, 'and I call all the stars of respectability to -witness the vow. Then, Lady Cherubina,' continued he, stopping short -before me; 'then, when maddened and emaciated, I shall pillow my -haggard head on a hard rock, and lulled by the hurricanes of Heaven, -shall sink into the sleep of the grave.'---- - -'Dear Montmorenci!' said I, quite overcome, 'live for my sake--as you -value my--friendship,--live.' - -'Friendship!' echoed he. 'Oh! Cherubina, Oh! my soul's precious -treasure, say not that icy word. Say hatred, disgust, horror; any thing -but friendship.' - -'What shall I say?' cried I, ineffably affected, 'or what shall I do?' - -'What you please,' muttered he, looking wild and pressing his forehead. -'My brain is on fire. Hark! chains are clanking--The furies are -whipping me with their serpents--What smiling cherub arrests yon bloody -hand? Ha! 'tis Cherubina. And now she frowns at me--she darts at -me--she pierces my heart with an arrow of ice!' - -He threw himself on the floor, groaned grievously, and tore his hair. I -was horror-struck. - -'I declare,' said I, 'I would say any thing on earth to relieve -you;--only tell me what.' - -'Angel of light!' exclaimed he, springing upon his feet, and beaming on -me a smile that might liquefy marble. 'Have I then hope? Dare I say it? -Dare I pronounce the divine words, she loves me?' - -'I am thine and thou art mine!' murmured I, while the room swam before -me. - -He took both my hands in his own, pressed them to his forehead and -lips, and leaned his burning cheek upon them. - -'My sight is confused,' said he, 'my breathing is opprest; I hear -nothing, my veins swell, a palpitation seizes my heart, and I scarcely -know where I am, or whether I exist!' - -Then softly encircling my waist with his arm, he pressed me to his -heart. With what modesty I tried to extricate myself from his embrace; -yet with what willing weakness I trembled on his bosom. It was -Cherubina's hand that fell on his shoulder, it was Cherubina's tress -that played on his cheek, it was Cherubina's sigh that breathed on his -lip. - -'Moment of a pure and exquisite emotion!' cried he. 'In the life of man -you are known but once; yet once known, can you ever be forgotten? Now -to die would be to die most blest!' - -Suddenly he caught me under the chin, and kissed me. I struggled from -him, and sprang to the other end of the room, while my neck and face -were suffused with a glow of indignation. - -'Really,' said I, panting with passion, 'this is so unprovoked, so -presuming.' - -He cast himself at my feet, execrated his folly, and swore that he had -merely fulfilled an etiquette indispensible among lovers in his own -country. - -''Tis not usual here, my lord,' said I; 'and I have no notion of -submitting to any freedom that is not sanctioned by the precedent of -those exalted models whom I have the honour to imitate. - -'I fancy, my lord, you will find, that, as far as a kiss on the hand, -or an arm round the waist, they have no particular objection. But a -salute on the lip is considered inaccurate. My lord, on condition that -you never repeat the liberty, here is my hand.' - -He snatched it with ardor, and strained it to his throbbing bosom. - -'And now,' cried he, 'make my happiness complete, by making this hand -mine for ever.' - -On a sudden an air of dignified grandeur involved my form. My mind, for -the first time, was called upon to reveal its full force. It felt the -solemnity of the appeal, and triumphed in its conscious ability. - -'What!' cried I, 'knowest thou not the fatal, the inscrutable, the -mysterious destiny, which must ever prevent our union?' - -'Speak, I conjure you,' cried he, 'or I expire on the spot.' - -'Alas!' exclaimed I, 'can'st thou suppose the poor orphan Cherubina so -destitute of principle and of pride, as to intrude herself unknown, -unowned, unfriended; mysterious in her birth, and degraded in her -situation, on the ancient and illustrious House of Montmorenci? - -'Here then I most solemnly vow, never to wed, till the horrible mystery -which hangs over my birth be developed.' - -You know, Biddy, that a heroine ought always to snatch at an -opportunity of making a fatal vow. When things are going on too smooth, -and interest drooping, a fatal vow does wonders. I remember reading in -some romance, of a lady, who having vowed never to divulge a certain -secret, kept it twenty years; and with such inviolability, that she -lived to see it the death of all her children, several of her friends, -and a fine old aunt. - -As soon as I had made this fatal vow, his lordship fell into the most -afflicting agonies and attitudes. - -'Oh!' cried he, 'to be by your side, to see you, touch you, talk to -you, love you, adore you, and yet find you lost to me for ever. Oh! -'tis too much, too much.' - -'The milliner is here, Miss,' said the maid, tapping at the door. - -'Bid her call again,' said I. - -'Beloved of my soul!' murmured his lordship. - -'Ma'am,' interrupted the maid, opening the door, 'she cannot call -again, as she must go from this to Kensington.' - -'Then let her come in,' said I, and she entered with a charming -assortment of bonnets and dresses. - -'We will finish the scene another time,' whispered I to his lordship. - -His lordship swore that he would drop dead that instant. - -The milliner declared that she had brought me the newest patterns. - -'On my honour,' said I to his lordship, 'you shall finish this scene -to-morrow morning, if you wish it.' - -'You may go and be---- Heigho!' said he, suddenly checking himself. -What he was about to say, I know not; something mysterious, I should -think, by the knitting of his brows. However, he snatched his spear, -shield, and helmet, made a low bow, laid his hand on his heart, and -stalked out of the chamber. Interesting youth! - -I then ran in debt for some millinery, drank hartshorn, and chafed my -temples. - -I think I was right about the kiss. I confess I am not one of those -girls who try to attract men through the medium of the touch; and who -thus excite passion at the expence of respect. Lips are better employed -in sentiment, than in kissing. Indeed, had I not been fortified by the -precedent of other heroines, I should have felt, and I fear, did -actually feel, even the classical embrace of Montmorenci too great a -freedom. But remember I am still in my noviciate. After a little -practice, I shall probably think it rather a pleasure to be strained, -and prest, and folded to the heart. Yet of this I am certain, that I -shall never attain sufficient hardihood to ravish a kiss from a man's -mouth; as the divine Heloise did; who once ran at St. Preux, and -astonished him with the most balmy and remarkable kiss upon record. -Poor fellow! he was never the same after it. - -I must say too, that Montmorenci did not shew much judgment in urging -me to marry him, before I had undergone adventures for four volumes. -Because, though the heroic etiquette allowed me to fall in love at -first sight, and confess it at second sight, yet it would not authorize -me to marry myself off quite so smoothly. A heroine is never to be got -without agony and adventure. Even the ground must be lacerated, before -it will bring forth fruits, and often we cannot reach the lovely -violet, till we have torn our hands with brambles. - -I did not see his lordship again until dinner time; and we had almost -finished our repast, before the poet made his appearance and his bow. -His bow was as usual, but his appearance was strangely changed. His -hair stood in stiff ringlets on his forehead, and he had pruned his -bushy eyebrows, till hardly one bristle remained; while a pair of white -gloves, small enough for myself, were forced upon his hands. He glanced -at us with a conscious eye, and hurried to his seat at table. - -'Ovid's Metamorphoses, by Jupiter!' exclaimed Montmorenci. 'Why, -Higginson, how shameful for the mice to have nibbled your eyebrows, -while Apollo Belvidere was curling your hair!' - -The poet blushed, and ate with great assiduity. - -'My dear fellow,' continued his lordship, 'we can dispense with those -milk-white gloves during dinner. Tell me, are they mamma's, dear -mamma's?' - -'I will tell my mother of you!' cried the poet, half rising from his -chair. - -Now his mother is an old bed-ridden lady in one of the garrets. I then -interfered in his behalf, and peace was restored. - -After dinner, I took an opportunity, when the landlady had left the -room, to request ten pounds from his lordship, for the purpose of -paying the milliner. Never was regret so finely pictured in a face as -in his, while he swore that he had not a penny upon earth. Indeed so -graceful was his lamentation, so interesting his penury, that though -the poet stole out of the room for ten pounds, which he slipped into my -hand, I preferred the refusal of the one to the donation of the other. - -Yes, this amiable young nobleman increases in my estimation every -moment. Never can you catch him out of a picturesque position. He would -exhaust in an hour all the attitudes of all the statues; when he talks -tenderness, his eyes glow with a moist fire, and he always brings in -his heart with peculiar happiness. Then too, his oaths are at once well -conceived and elegantly expressed. Thunderbolts and the fixed stars are -ever at his elbow, and no man can sink himself to perdition with so -fine a grace. - -But I could write of him, talk of him, think of him, hour after hour, -minute after minute; even now, while the shadows of night are -blackening the blushes of the rose, till dawn shall stain with her -ruddy fire, the snows of the naked Apennine; till the dusky streams -shall be pierced with darts of light, and the sun shall quaff his dewy -beverage from the cup of the tulip, and the chalice of the lily. That -is pretty painting. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XII - - -'It is my lady, O it is my love!' exclaimed Lord Altamont Mortimer -Montmorenci, as he flew, like a winged mercury, into my apartment this -morning. A loud rap at the door checked his eloquence, and spoiled a -most promising posture. - -'Is Miss Wilkinson within?' said a voice in the hall. - -'No such person lives here,' replied the maid, who was accustomed to -hear me called Miss Donald. - -'But there does, and on the ground-floor too, and I will find her out, -I warrant,' cried the same voice. - -My door was then thrown open, and who should waddle into the room, but -fat Wilkinson! - -My first feeling (could you believe it) was of gladness at seeing him; -nor had I presence of mind enough, either to repulse his embrace, or -utter a piercing shriek. Happily my recollection soon returned, and I -flung him from me. - -'Cherry,' said he, 'dear Cherry, what have I done to you, that you -should use me thus? Was there ever a wish of your heart that I left -ungratified? And now to desert me in my old age! Only come home with -me, my child, only come home with me, and I will forgive you all.' - -'Wilkinson,' said I, 'this interview must be short, pointed, and -decisive. As to calling yourself my father, that is a stale trick, and -will not pass; and as to personating (what I perceive you aspire to) -the grand villain of my plot, your corpulency, pardon me, puts that out -of the question for ever. I should be just as happy to employ you as -any other man I know, but excuse me if I say, that you rather overrate -your talents and qualifications. Have you the gaunt ferocity of famine -in your countenance? Can you darken the midnight of a scowl? Have you -the quivering lip and the Schedoniac contour? And while the lower part -of your face is hidden in black drapery, can your eyes glare from under -the edge of a cowl? In a word, are you a picturesque villain, full of -plot, and horror, and magnificent wickedness? Ah, no, Sir, you are only -a sleek, good-humoured, chuckle-headed gentleman. Continue then what -nature made you; return to your plough, mow, reap, fatten your pigs and -the parson; but never again attempt to get yourself thrust into the -pages of a romance.' - -Disappointment and dismay forced more meaning into his features than I -thought them possessed of. The fact is, he had never imagined that my -notions of what villains ought to be were so refined; and that I have -formed my taste in these matters upon the purest models. - -As a last effort of despair, the silly man flung himself on his knees -before me, and grasping my hands, looked up in my face, with such an -imploring wretchedness of expression, while the tears rolled silently -down his cheeks, that I confess I was a little moved; and for the -moment fancied him sincere. - -'Now goodness bless thee,' said he, at length, 'goodness bless thee, -for those sweet tears of thine, my daughter!' - -'Tears!' cried I, quite shocked. - -'Yes, darling,' said he, 'and now with this kiss of peace and love, we -will blot out all the past.' - -I shrieked, started from my seat, and rushed into the expanding arms of -Montmorenci. - -'And pray, Sir,' cried Wilkinson, advancing fiercely, 'who are you?' - -'A lodger in this house, Sir,' answered his lordship, 'and your best -friend, as I trust you will acknowledge hereafter. I became acquainted -with this lady at the table of our hostess, and learned from her, that -she had left your house in disgust. Yesterday morning, on entering her -apartment, to make my respects, I found an old gentleman there, one -Doctor Merrick, whom I recognized as a wretch of infamous character; -tried twice for shoplifting, and once for having swindled the Spanish -ambassador out of a golden snuff-box. I, though an humble individual, -yet being well acquainted with this young lady's high respectability, -presumed to warn her against such a dangerous companion; when I found, -to my great concern, that she had already promised him her hand in -marriage.' - -Wilkinson groaned: I stared. - -'On being apprised of his character,' continued Montmorenci, 'the young -lady was willing enough to drop the connection, but unfortunately, the -ruffian had previously procured a written promise of marriage from her, -which he now refuses to surrender; and at the moment you came, I was -consulting with your daughter what was best to be done.' - -'Lead me to him!' cried Wilkinson, 'lead me to the villain this -instant, and I will shew you what is best to be done!' - -'I have appointed an interview with him, about this time,' said his -lordship, 'and as your feelings might probably prompt you to too much -warmth, perhaps you had better not accompany me; but should I fail in -persuading him to deliver up the fatal paper, you shall then see him -yourself.' - -'You are a fine fellow!' cried the farmer, shaking his hand, 'and have -bound me to you for ever.' - -'I will hasten to him now,' said his lordship, and casting a -significant glance at me, departed; leaving me quite astonished, both -at his story, and his motive for fabricating it. It was, however, my -business to support the deception. - -Wilkinson then told me that he discovered my place of residence in -London, from the discharged Butler, who, it seems, is not your son, but -your lover; and to whom you have shewn all my letters. He went to -Wilkinson, and made the disclosure for forty guineas. Sordid wretch! -and Wilkinson says that he wants to marry you, merely for the sake of -your annuity. Biddy, Biddy! had you known as much of the world as I do -now, a fortune hunter would not have imposed upon you. - -As to your shewing him my letters, I cannot well blame you for a breach -of trust, which has answered the purpose of involving my life in a more -complicated labyrinth of entanglements. - -But to return. In the midst of our conversation, the maid brought me a -note. It was from Montmorenci, and as follows: - - 'Will my soul's idol forgive the tale I told Wilkinson, since it - was devised in order to save her from his fangs? This Doctor - Merrick, whom I mentioned to him, instead of being a swindler, is a - mad-doctor; and keeps a private madhouse. I have just seen him, and - have informed him that I am about to put a lunatic gentleman, my - honoured uncle, under his care. I told him, that this dear uncle - (who, you may well suppose is Wilkinson) has lucid intervals; that - his madness arose from grief at an unfortunate amour of his - daughter's, and shews itself in his fancying that every man he sees - wants to marry her, and has her written promise of marriage. - - 'I have already advanced the necessary fees, and now is your time - to wheedle Wilkinson out of money, by pretending that you will - return home with him. A true heroine, my sweet friend, ever shines - in deception. - - Good now, play one scene - Of excellent dissembling.--SHAKESPEARE. - - 'Ever, ever, ever, - - 'Your faithful - - 'MONTMORENCI. - - 'P.S. Excuse tender language, as I am in haste.' - -This dear letter I placed in my bosom: and when I begged of the farmer -to let me have a little money, he took out his pocket-book. - -'Here, my darling,' said he, 'here are notes to the tune of a hundred -pounds, that you may pay all you owe, and purchase whatever baubles and -finery you like. This is what you get for discarding that swindler, and -promising to return home with old dad.' - -Soon afterwards, our hero came back, and told us that his interview had -proved unsuccessful. It was therefore determined that we should all -repair to the Doctor's (for Wilkinson would not go without me), and off -we set in a hired coach. On our arrival, we were shewn into a parlour, -and after some minutes of anxious suspense, the Doctor, a thin little -figure, with a shrivelled face and bushy wig, came humming into the -room. - -Wilkinson being introduced, the Doctor commenced operations, by trying -the state of his brain. - -'Any news to-day, Mr. Wilkinson?' said he. - -'Very bad news for me, Sir,' replied Wilkinson, sullenly. - -'I mean public news,' said the Doctor. - -'A private grievance ought to be considered of public moment,' said -Wilkinson. - -'Well remarked, Sir,' cried the Doctor, 'a clear-headed observation as -possible. Sir, I give you credit. There is a neatness in the turn of it -that argues a collected intellect.' - -'Sir,' said Wilkinson, 'I hope that some other observations which I am -about to offer will please you as well.' - -'I hope so for your own sake,' answered the Doctor; 'I shall certainly -listen to them with a favourable ear.' - -'Thank you, Sir,' said the farmer: 'and such being the case, I make no -doubt that all will go well; for men seldom disagree, when they wish to -coincide.' - -'Good again,' cried the Doctor. 'Apt and good. Sir, if you continue to -talk so rationally, I promise you that you will not remain long in my -house.' - -'I am sorry,' replied Wilkinson, 'that talking rationally is the way to -get turned out of your house, because I have come for the purpose of -talking rationally.' - -'And while such is your resolution,' said the Doctor, 'nothing shall be -left undone to make my house agreeable. You have only to hint your -wishes, and they shall be gratified.' - -'Sir, Sir,' cried Wilkinson, grasping his hand, 'your kindness is -overpowering, because it is unexpected. However, I do not mean to -trespass any farther on your kindness than just to request, that you -will do me the favour of returning to my daughter the silly paper -written by her, containing her promise to marry you; and if you could -conveniently lay your hand on it now, you would add to the obligation, -as I mean to leave Town in an hour.' - -'Mr. Wilkinson,' said the Doctor, 'I shall deal candidly with you. -Probably you will not leave Town these ten years. And pardon me, if I -give you fair warning, that should you persist in asking for the paper, -a severe horse-whipping will be the consequence.' - -'A horse-whipping!' repeated Wilkinson, as if he could not believe his -ears. - -'You shall be cut from shoulder to flank,' said the Doctor. ''Tis my -usual way of beginning.' - -'Any thing more, my fine fellow?' cried the farmer. - -'Only that if you continue refractory,' said the Doctor, 'you shall be -lashed to the bed-post, and shall live on bread and water for a month.' - -'Here is a proper ruffian for you!' cried Wilkinson. 'Now, by the -mother that bore me, I have a good mind to flay you within an inch of -your life!' - -'Make haste then,' said the Doctor, ringing the bell; 'for you will be -handcuffed in half a minute.' - -'Why you little creature,' cried Wilkinson, 'do you hope to frighten -me? Not ask for the paper, truly! Ay, ten thousand times over and over. -Give me the paper, give me the paper; give me the paper, the paper, the -paper! What say you to that, old Hector?' - -'The handcuffs!' cried the Doctor to the servant. - -'Ay, first handcuff me, and then pick my pockets,' cried Wilkinson. -'You see I have found you out, sirrah! yes I have discovered that you -are a common shoplifter, tried five times for your life--and the very -fellow that swindled the Spanish ambassador out of a diamond -snuff-box.' - -'A good deal deranged, indeed,' whispered the Doctor to his lordship. - -'But how the deuce the girl could bring herself to fancy you,' cried -Wilkinson, 'that is what shocks me most. A fellow, by all that is -horrid, as ugly as if he were bespoke--an old fellow, too, and twice as -disgusting, and not half so interesting, as a monkey in a consumption.' - -'Perfectly distracted, 'pon my conscience!' muttered the Doctor; 'the -maddest scoundrel, confound him, that ever bellowed in Bedlam!' - -Two servants entered with handcuffs. - -'Look you,' cried Wilkinson, shaking his cane; 'dare to bring your -bullies here, and if I don't cudgel their carcases out of shape, and -your's into shape, may I be shot.' - -'Secure his hands,' said the Doctor. - -Wilkinson instantly darted at the Doctor, and knocked him down. The -servants collared Wilkinson, who called to Montmorenci for assistance; -but in vain; and after a furious scuffle, the farmer was handcuffed. - -'Dear uncle, calm these transports!' said his lordship. 'Your dutiful -and affectionate nephew beseeches you to compose yourself.' - -'Uncle!--nephew!' cried the farmer. 'What do you mean, fellow? Who the -devil is this villain?' - -'Are you so far gone, as not to know your own nephew?' said the Doctor, -grinning with anger. - -'Never set eyes on the poltron till an hour ago!' cried Wilkinson. - -'Merciful powers!' exclaimed Montmorenci. 'And when I was a baby, he -dandled me; and when I was a child, he gave me whippings and -sugar-plums; and when I came to man's estate, he cherished me in his -bosom, and was unto me as a father!' Here his lordship applied a -handkerchief to his face. - -'The man is crazed!' cried Wilkinson. - -'No, dear uncle,' said Montmorenci, ''tis you who are crazed; and to be -candid with you, this is a madhouse, and this gentleman is the -mad-doctor, and with him you must now remain, till you recover from -your complaint--the most afflicting instance of insanity, that, -perhaps, was ever witnessed.' - -'Insanity!' faltered the farmer, turning deadly pale. 'Mercy, mercy on -my sinful soul, for I am a gone man!' - -'Nay,' said his lordship, 'do not despair. The Doctor is the first in -his profession, and will probably cure you in the course of a few -years.' - -'A few years? That bread and water business will dispatch me in a week! -Mad? I mad? I vow to my conscience, Doctor, I was always reckoned the -quietest, easiest, sweetest--sure every one knows honest Gregory -Wilkinson. Don't they, Cherry? Dear child, answer for your father. Am I -mad? Am I, Cherry?' - -'As butter in May,' said Montmorenci. - -'You lie like a thief!' vociferated the farmer, struggling and kicking. -'You lie, you sneering, hook-nosed reprobate!' - -'Why, my dear uncle,' said Montmorenci, 'do you not recollect the night -you began jumping like a grasshopper, and scolding the full-moon in my -deer-park?' - -'Your deer-park? I warrant you are not worth a cabbage-garden! But now -I see through the whole plot. Ay, I am to be kept a prisoner here, -while my daughter marries that old knave before my face. It would kill -me, Cherry; I tell you I should die on the spot. Oh, my unfortunate -girl, are you too conspiring against me? Are you, Cherry? Dear Cherry, -speak. Only say you are not!' - -'Indeed, my friend,' said I, 'you shall be treated with mildness. -Doctor, I beg you will not act harshly towards him. With all his -faults, the man is goodnatured and well tempered, and to do him -justice, he has always used me kindly.' - -'Have I not?' cried he. 'Sweet Cherry, beautiful Cherry, blessings on -you for that!' - -'Come away,' said Montmorenci hastily. 'You know 'tis near dinner -time.' - -'Farewell, Doctor,' said I. 'Adieu, poor Wilkinson.' - -'What, leaving me?' cried he, 'leaving your old father a prisoner in -this vile house? Oh, cruel, cruel!' - -'Come,' said Montmorenci, taking my hand: 'I have particular business -elsewhere.' - -'For pity's sake, stay five minutes!' cried Wilkinson, struggling with -the servants. - -'Come, my love!' said Montmorenci. - -'Only one minute--one short minute!' cried the other. - -'Well,' said I, stopping, 'one minute then.' - -'Not one moment!' cried his lordship, and was hurrying me away. - -'My child, my child!' cried Wilkinson, with a tone of such -indescribable agony, as made the blood curdle in my veins. - -'Dear Sir,' said I, returning; 'indeed I am your friend. But you know, -you know well, I am not your child.' - -'You are!' cried he, 'by all that is just and good, you are my own -child!' - -'By all that is just and good,' exclaimed Montmorenci, 'you shall come -away this instant, or remain here for ever.' And he dragged me out of -the room. - -'Now then,' said the poor prisoner, as the door was closing, 'now do -what you please with me, for my heart is quite broken!' - -On our way home, his lordship enjoined the strictest secrecy with -regard to this adventure. I shewed him the hundred pounds, and -reimbursed him for what he had paid the Doctor; and on our arrival, I -discharged my debt to the poet. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XIII - - -Soon after I had got into these lodgings, I sent the servant to -Grosvenor Square, with a message for Betterton, requesting him to let -me have back the bandbox, which I left at his house the night I fled -from him. In a short time she returned with it, and I found every -article safe. - -To my amazement and dismay, who should enter my apartment this morning -but Betterton himself! I dropped my book. He bowed to the dust. - -'Your business, Sir?' said I, rising with a dignity, which, from my -being under the repeated necessity of assuming it, has now become -natural to me. - -'To make a personal apology,' replied he, 'for the disrespectful and -inhospitable treatment which the loveliest of her sex experienced at my -house.' - -'An apology for one insult,' said I, 'must seem insincere, when the -mode adopted for making it is another insult.' - -'The retort is exquisitely elegant,' answered he, 'but I trust, not -true. For, granting, my dear Madam, that I offer a second insult by my -intrusion, still I may lessen the first insult so much by my apology -that the sum of both may be less than the first, as it originally -stood.' - -'Really,' said I, 'you have blended politeness and arithmetic so -happily together; you have clothed multiplication and subtraction in -such polished phraseology----' - -'Good!' cried he, 'that is real wit.' - -'You have added so much algebra to so much sentiment,' continued I. - -'Good, good!' interrupted he again. - -'In short, you have apologized so gracefully by the rule of three, that -I know not which has assisted you the most--Chesterfield or Cocker.' - -'Inimitable,' exclaimed he. 'Really your retorting powers are superior -to those of any heroine on record.' - -In short, my friend, I was so delighted with my repartee, that I could -not, for my life, continue vexed with the object of it; and before he -left me, I said the best things in nature, found him the most agreeable -old man in the world, shook hands with him at parting, and gave him -permission to visit me again. - -On calm consideration, I do not disapprove of my having allowed him -this liberty. Were he merely a good kind of good for nothing old -gentleman, it would only be losing time to cultivate an acquaintance -with him. But as the man is a reprobate, I may find account in -enlisting him amongst the other characters; particularly, since I am at -present miserably off for villains. Indeed, I augur auspiciously of his -powers, from the fact (which he confessed), of his having discovered my -place of abode, by following the maid, when she was returning with my -bandbox. - -But I have to inform you of another rencontre. - -Last night, the landlady, Higginson, and myself, went to see his -lordship perform in the new Spectacle. The first piece was called a -melodrama; a compound of horror and drollery, where scenery, dresses, -and decorations, prevailed over nature, genius, and moral. As to the -plot, I could make nothing of it; only that the hero and heroine were -in very great trouble about trifles, and quite at their ease in real -distress. For instance, when the heroine had arrived at the height of -her misery, she began to sing. Then the hero, resolving to revenge her -wrongs, falls upon one knee, turns up his eyes, and calls on the sacred -majesty of God to assist him. This invocation to the Divinity might, -perhaps, prove the hero's piety, but I am afraid it shewed the poet's -want of any. Certainly, however, it produced a powerful effect on my -feelings. I heard the glory of God made subservient to a theatrical -clap-trap, and my blood ran cold. So, I fancy, did the blood of six or -seven sweet little children behind the scenes, for they were presently -sent upon the stage, to warm themselves with a dance. After dancing, -came murder, and the hero gracefully advanced with a bullet in his -head. He falls; and many well-meaning persons suppose that the curtain -will fall with him. No such thing: Hector had a funeral, and so must -Kemble. Accordingly the corpse appears, handsomely dished up on an -escutcheoned coffin; while certain virgins of the sun (who, I am told, -support that character better than their own), chaunt a holy requiem -round it. When horror was exhausted, the poet tried disgust. - -After this piece came another, full of bannered processions, gilded -pillars, paper snows, and living horses, that were really far better -actors than the men who rode them. It concluded with a grand battle, in -which twenty men on horseback, and twenty on foot, beat each other -indiscriminately, and with the utmost good humour. Armour clashed, -sabres struck fire, a castle was burnt to the ground, horses fell dead, -the audience rose shouting and clapping, and a man just below me in the -pit, cried out in an ecstasy, 'I made their saddles! I made their -saddles!' - -As to Montmorenci's performance, nothing could equal it; for though his -character was the meanest in the piece, he contrived to make it the -most prominent. He had an emphasis for every word, an attitude for -every emphasis, and a look for every attitude. The people, indeed, -hissed him repeatedly, because they knew not, as I did, that his acting -a broken soldier in the style of a dethroned monarch, proceeded from -his native nobility of soul, not his want of talent. - -After the performance, we were pressing through the crowd in the lobby, -when I saw, as I thought, Stuart (Bob Stuart!), at a short distance -from me, looking anxiously about him. On nearer inspection, I found I -was right, and it occurred to me, that I might extract a most -interesting scene from him, besides laying a foundation for future -incident. I therefore separated myself (like Evelina at the Opera) from -my party, and contrived to cross his path. At first he did not -recognize me, but I continued by his side till he did. - -'Miss Wilkinson!' exclaimed he, 'how rejoiced I am to see you! Where is -your father?' - -'Let us leave this place,' said I, 'they are searching for me, I know -they are.' - -'Who?' said he. - -'Hush!' whispered I. 'Conduct me in silence from the theatre.' - -He put my hand under his arm, and hurried me away. When we had gained -the street: - -'You may perceive by my lameness,' said he, 'that I am not yet well of -the wound I received the night I met you on the Common. But I could not -refrain from accompanying your father to Town, in search of you; and as -I heard nothing of him since he went to your lodgings yesterday, I -called there myself this evening, and was told that you had gone to the -theatre. They could give me no information about your father, but of -course, you have seen him since he came to Town.' - -'I have not, I assure you,' said I, an evasive, yet conscientious -answer, because Wilkinson is not my real father. - -'That is most extraordinary,' cried he, 'for he left the hotel -yesterday, to call on you. But tell me candidly, Miss Wilkinson, what -tempted you to leave home? How are you situated at present? with whom? -and what is your object?' - -'Alas!' said I, 'a horrible mystery hangs over me, which I dare not now -develop. It is enough, that in flying from one misfortune, I have -plunged into a thousand others, that peace has fled from my heart, and -that I am RUINED.' - -'Ruined!' exclaimed he, with a look of horror. - -'Past redemption,' said I, hiding my face in my hands. - -'This will be dreadful news for your poor father,' said he. 'But I beg -of you to tell me the particulars.' - -'Then to be brief,' answered I, 'the first night I came to Town, a -gentleman decoyed me into his house, and treated me extremely ill.' - -'The villain!' muttered Stuart. - -'Afterwards I left him,' continued I, 'and walked the streets, till I -was taken up for a robbery, and put into the watchhouse.' - -'Is this fact?' asked Stuart, 'or are you merely sporting with my -feelings?' - -''Tis fact, on my honour,' said I, 'and to conclude my short, but -pathetic tale, a gentleman, a mysterious and amiable youth, met me by -mere accident, after my release; and I am, at present, under his -protection.' - -'A shocking account indeed!' said he. 'But have you never considered -the consequences of continuing this abandoned course of life?' - -'Now here is a pretty insinuation!' cried I; 'but such is always the -fate of us poor heroines. No, never can we get through an innocent -adventure in peace and quietness, without having our virtue called in -question. 'Tis always our virtue, our virtue. If we are caught coming -out of a young man's bed-room,--'tis our virtue. If we remain a whole -night in the streets,--'tis our virtue. If we make a nocturnal -assignation,--Oh! 'tis our virtue, our virtue. Such a rout as they -make.' - -'I regret,' said Stuart, 'to see you treat the subject so lightly, but -I do beseech of you to recollect, that your wretched parent----' - -''Tis a fine night, Sir.' - -'That your wretched parent----' - -'Sir,' said I, 'when spleen takes the form of remonstrance, a lecture -is only a scolding put into good language. This is my house, Sir.' And -I stopped at the door. - -'At least,' said he, 'will you do me the favour of being at home for me -to-morrow morning?' - -'Perhaps I may,' replied I. 'So good night, master Bobby!' - -The poet and the landlady did not return for half an hour. They told me -that their delay was occasioned by their search for me; but I refused -all explanation as to what happened after I had lost them. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XIV - - -Just as I had finished my last letter, his lordship entered my room, -but saluted me coldly. - -'I am informed,' said he, 'that you strayed from your party last night, -and refused, afterwards, to give an account of yourself to the -landlady. May I hope, that to me, who feel a personal interest in all -your actions, you will be more communicative?' - -'I regret,' said I, 'that circumstances put it out of my power to -gratify your wishes. I foresee that you, like an Orville, or a -Mortimer, will suspect and asperse your mistress. But the Sun shall -return, the mist disperse, and the landscape laugh again.' - -'Confound your metaphors! 'cried he, discarding attitude and elegance -in an instant. 'Do you hope to hide your cunning under mists and -laughing landscapes? But I am not to be gulled; I am not to be done. No -going it upon me, I say. Tell me directly, madam, where you were, and -with whom; or by the devil of devils, you shall repent it finely.' - -I was thunderstruck. 'Sir,' said I, 'you have agitated the gentle air -with the concussion of inelegant oaths and idioms, uttered in the most -ungraceful manner. Sir, your vulgarity is unpardonable, and we now part -for ever.' - -'For ever!' exclaimed he, reverting into attitude, and interlacing his -knuckles in a clasp of agony. 'Hear me, Cherubina. By the shades of my -ancestors, my vulgarity was assumed!' - -'Assumed, Sir?' said I, 'and pray, for what possible purpose?' - -'Alas!' cried he, 'I must not, dare not tell. It is a sad story, and -enveloped in a mysterious veil. Oh! fatal vow! Oh! cruel Marchesa!' -Shocking were his contortions as he spoke. - -'No!' cried I. 'No vow could ever have produced so dreadful an effect -on your language.' - -'Well, 'said he, after a painful pause, 'sooner than incur the odium of -falsehood, I must disclose to you the horrid secret. - -'The young Count Di Narcissini was my friend. Educated together, we -became competitors in our studies and accomplishments; and in none of -them could either of us be said to excel the other; till, on our -introduction at Court, it was remarked by the Queen, that I surpassed -the Count in shaking hands. 'Narcissini,' said her Majesty, 'has -judgment enough in knowing when to present a single finger, or perhaps -two; but, for the positive pressure, or the negligent hand with a -drooping wrist; or the cordial, honest, dislocating shake, give me -Montmorenci. I cannot deny that the former has great taste in this -accomplishment; but then the latter has more genius--more -execution--more, as it were, of the _magnifique_ and _aimable_.' - -'His mother the Marchesa overheard this critique, turned as pale as -ashes, and left the levee. - -'That night, hardly had I fallen into one of those gentle slumbers, -which ever attends the virtuous, when a sudden noise roused me; and on -opening my eyes, I beheld the detested Marchesa, with an Italian -assassin, standing over me.' - -'Montmorenci!' cried she, 'thou art the bane of my repose. Thou hast -surpassed my son in the graces. Now listen. Either pledge thyself, by -an irrevocable vow, henceforth to sprinkle thy conversation with -uncouth phrases, and colloquial barbarisms, or prepare to die!' - -'Terrible alternative! What could I do? The dagger gleamed before my -face. I shuddered, and took the fatal vow of vulgarity. - -'The Marchesa then put into my hand the Blackguard's Dictionary, which -I studied night and day with much success; and I have now the -misfortune to state, that I can be, so far as language goes, the -greatest blackguard in England.' - -'Unhappy youth!' cried I. 'This, indeed, accounts for what had often -made me uneasy. But say, can nothing absolve you from this hateful -vow?' - -'There is one way,' he replied. 'The Marchesa permitted me to resume my -natural elegance, as soon as my marrying should put an end to -competition between her son and me. Oh! then, my Cherubina, you, you -alone can restore me to hope, to happiness, and to grammar!' - -'Ah! my lord,' cried I, 'recollect my own fatal vow. Never, never can I -be your's!' - -'Drive me not mad!' he cried. 'You are mine, you shall be mine. This, -this is the bitterest moment of my life. You do not, cannot love me. -No, Cherubina, no, you cannot love me.' - -I fixed my eyes in a wild gaze, rose hastily from my chair, paced the -room with quick steps; and often sighing deeply, clasped my hands and -shuddered. - -He led me to the sofa, kissed the drapery of my cambric handkerchief, -and concealed his face in its folds. Then raising his head. - -'Do you love me?' said he, with a voice dropping manna. - -A smile, bashful in its archness, played round my rich and trembling -lip; and with an air of bewitching insinuation, I placed my hand on his -shoulder, shook my head, and looked up in his face, with an expression -half reproachful, half tender. - -He snatched me in a transport to his heart; and that trembling -pressure, which virtue consecrated, and love understood, conveyed to -each of us an unspeakable sensation; as if a beam from Heaven had -passed through both our frames, and left some of its divine warmth -behind it. - -What followed, angels might have attested. - -A ringlet had escaped from the bandage of my bodkin. He clipped it off -with my scissors, and fixed it next his heart; while I prettily -struggled to prevent him, with arch anger, and a pouting playfulness. A -thousand saucy triumphs were basking in his eyes, when the door opened, -and who should make his appearance, but--Master Bobby! - -I could have boxed him. - -'I avail myself,' said he, 'of the permission you gave me last night, -to call on you this morning.' - -Montmorenci looked from the one to the other with amazement. - -'And as I am anxious,' continued Stuart, 'to speak with you in -private----' - -'Sir,' said I, 'any thing which you have to communicate, this -gentleman, my particular friend, may hear.' - -'Yes, Sir,' cried his lordship, in a haughty tone, 'for I have the -honour to boast myself the protector of this lady.' - -'If you mean her protector from injury and insult,' said Stuart, 'I -hope, Sir, you are not on this occasion, as on others, an actor?' - -'You know me then?' said his lordship. - -'I saw you perform last night,' answered Stuart, 'but, to say the -truth, I do not recollect your name.' - -'My name is Norval on the Grampian Hills,' cried his lordship. - -'Sir,' said Stuart, 'though we sometimes laugh at you, even in your -grave characters, the part you have now chosen seems much too serious -for drollery. Allow me to ask, Sir, by what right you feel entitled to -call yourself the protector of this lady?' - -'First inform me,' said Montmorenci, 'by what right you feel entitled -to put that question?' - -'By the right of friendship,' answered Stuart. - -'No, but enmity,' cried I, 'unprovoked, unprincipled, inexorable -enmity. This is the Stuart whom you have often heard me mention, as my -persecutor; and I hope you will now make him repent of his temerity.' - -'Sir,' said his lordship, 'I desire you to leave the house.' - -'Not till you favour me with your company,' replied Stuart; 'for I find -I must have some serious conversation with you.' - -'Beshrew my heart!' cried Lord Altamont Mortimer Montmorenci, 'if you -want satisfaction, follow me this moment. I am none of your slovenly, -slobbering shots. Damme, I scorn to pistol a gentleman about the -ankles. I can teach the young idea how to shoot, damme.' - -He spoke, and strode out of the room. - -Stuart smiled and followed him. You must know, I speculate upon a duel. - -In short, my plot is entangling itself admirably; and such characters -as Betterton and Stuart will not fail to keep the wheels of it going. -Betterton is probably planning to carry me off by force; Stuart and our -hero are coming to a misunderstanding about me; the latter will, -perhaps, return with his arm in an interesting sling, and another -parting-forever interview cannot be far distant. - -Such is the promising aspect of affairs. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XV - - -While I was sitting in the most painful suspense, a knock came to the -door, and Stuart entered. - -'You terrify, shock, amaze me!' cried I. 'What dreadful blow awaits me? -Speak!' - -'Pray,' said he, laughing, 'what was your fancy for telling me that you -were ruined?' - -'And so I am,' answered I. - -'At least, not in the way you wished me to suppose,' said he. - -'I repeat, Sir,' cried I, 'that I am ruined: no matter in what manner; -but ruined I am.' - -'Your friend, the player, tells me that you are not,' said he. - -'My friend, the player, is very meddling,' answered I. 'This is the way -that whatever plot I lay down for my memoirs is always frustrated. Sir, -I say I am ruined.' - -'Well,' cried he, 'I will not dispute the point. I wish only to guard -you against being ruined again. I mistrust this Grundy much. From his -conversation, after we left you, I can perceive that he has a -matrimonial design upon you. Pray beware of the fellow.' - -'The fellow!' cried I. 'Alas! you know him not. His large and piercing -eye is but the index of a soul fraught with every human virtue.' - -'Ah! my friend,' said he, 'you stand on the very verge of a precipice, -and I must endeavour, even at the risk of your displeasure, to snatch -you from it.' - -He then began a long lecture on my conduct, and asserted that my -romantic turn is a sort of infatuation, amounting to little less than -madness, and likely to terminate in ruin. He painted, in language -pretty enough, the distraction of Wilkinson, after I had fled from his -house; and, at last, contrived to extract from me (what, I remark, I -can never obtain when I want them)--tears. - -Seeing me thus affected, he turned the conversation to desultory -topics. We talked of old times, of our juvenal sports and quarrels, -when we were playfellows; what happened after our separation; his life -at college and in the army; my studies and accomplishments. Thence we -made a natural transition to the fine arts. In short, it was the first -time in my life that I had a rational conversation (as it is called) -with a well-informed young man, and I confess I felt gratified. -Besides, even his serious remonstrances were so happily interspersed -with humour and delicate irony, that I could not bring myself to be -displeased with him. - -He remained more than two hours, and at parting took my hand. - -'I have hitherto been scolding you,' said he, with a smile, 'and I must -now praise you, that I may be better entitled to scold you again. You -have the elements of every thing amiable and endearing in your mind, -and an admirable understanding to direct them. But you want some one to -direct that understanding. Your father and I have already had a serious -consultation on the subject; but till he comes, nothing can be done. -Indeed, I am much alarmed at his absence. Meantime, will you permit me -to legislate in his stead, and to begin by chusing more eligible -lodgings for you. I confess I dread the machinations of that actor.' - -As he spoke, a rap came to the door. - -'Do me the favour to take tea with me this evening,' said I, 'and we -will talk the matter over.' - -He promised, and took his leave. - -Montmorenci then made his appearance, and in visible perturbation, at -having found Stuart here again. If I can constitute a jealousy between -them it will add to the animation of several scenes. I therefore -praised Stuart to the skies, and mentioned my having asked him to tea. -His lordship flew into a violent rage, and swore that the villain -wanted to unheroinize me, in order to gain me himself. He then renewed -his entreaties that I would consent to an immediate marriage; but now -the benefits of my fatal vow shone forth in their full lustre, and its -irrevocability gave rise to some of the finest agonies that his -lordship ever exhibited. - -At length we separated to dress for dinner. - -At my toilette I recollected with exactness every particular of his -late conversation; his sentiments so congenial with mine; his manners -so engaging; his countenance so noble and ingenuous. - -'I shall see him no more,' said I. - -A sigh that followed, told me more of my heart than I wished to know. - -No, my Biddy, never, never can he be mine. I must banish his dear image -from my mind; and to speak in the simple and unsophisticated language -of the heroine in the Forest of Montalbo: - -'_Indeed, surely, I think, we ought, under existing circumstances, -dearest, dearest madam, to avoid, where we can, every allusion, to -this, I fear, alas! our, indeed, hopeless attachment._' - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XVI - - -When Stuart came, he found his lordship, the landlady, the poet, and -myself sitting round the tea-table. At first the conversation was -general, and on the topics of the day. These Stuart discussed with much -animation and volubility, while his lordship sat silent and -contemptuous. I fancy that his illustrious tongue disdained to trifle. - -Meantime Higginson, in a new coat and waistcoat, sat anglicising the -Latinity of his face, and copying the manners and attitudes of -Montmorenci, whom the poor man, I verily believe, is endeavouring to -rival. At length the word poetry caught his ear; he gave the graces to -the winds, and listened. - -'Therefore,' continued Stuart to me, 'satirical poetry must be much -more useful than encomiastic.' - -'Sir,' said Higginson, drawing back his head and lowering his voice, as -if he dreaded nothing so much as being heard, 'I must beg leave, in all -humility, to coincide with your exprest proposition; but to suggest a -doubt whether it be decorous to violate the repose of noble blood.' - -'If the great deserve exposure as much as the mean,' said Stuart, -'their rank is rather a reason why they should be censured sooner; -because their bad example is more conspicuous, and, therefore, more -detrimental.' 'But,' said I, 'though satirizing the vicious may be -beneficial to the community, is it always advantageous to the -satirist?' - -'Johnson observes,' answered Stuart, 'that _it is no less a proof of -eminence to have many enemies than many friends_; and, indeed, without -the one we seldom have the other. On the whole, however, I would -advise a writer not to drop the olive-branch in grasping at the rod; -though those whom he finds privately endeavouring to vilify his own -character, self-defence entitles him to expose without mercy.' - -'That satire is salutary to society, I am convinced,' said I. 'It -becomes mischievous only when it is aimed at the worthy heart.' - -'And yet,' said Stuart, 'those that are loudest in declaiming against -the satirist, are often fondest of disseminating the satire. Now he who -slanders with his tongue, is just as culpable as he who defames with -his pen; for, if the one weapon be not as extensive, in its effects, as -the other, the motives of those who use it are equally vile. Hume, in -one of his essays, says, that _a whisper may fly as quick, and be as -pernicious, as a pamphlet_.' - -'And I think,' said I, 'that those who never allow people faults, are -just as injurious to the community as those who never allow them -virtues.' - -'True,' said Stuart; 'and a late publication (which equals in -sentiment, diction, and pictures of character, any work of the kind in -our language) thus concludes a description of them: _These, assuming -the name of Good-nature, say, that for their part, they wish to avoid -making enemies, and when they cannot speak well of people, they make it -a rule not to speak of them at all. Now this is an admirable system, -for thus, permitting vice, they sanction it, and by not opposing, -assist its progress._' - -'So you see,' said Higginson, 'that next to laws and religion, which -correct the serious derelictions, writing, which chastises the smaller -foibles, is the most useful instrument in a state.' - -'Observe,' whispered I to Stuart, 'how the ruling passion breaks -forth.' - -'And, therefore,' continued Higginson, 'next to the legislator and -divine, the poet is the most exalted member of the community.' - -'Pardon me there,' said I. 'The most exalted members are not -legislators, or divines, or poets, who prescribe, but heroes and -heroines, who perform.' - -'If you mean the heroes and heroines of romance,' said Stuart, 'their -performances are useful in teaching us what we should shun, not what we -should imitate. The heroine, in particular, quits a comfortable home, -turns out to be the best pedestrian in the world; and, after weeping -tears enough to float her work-basket, weds some captious, passionate, -and kneeling hero.' - -'Better,' cried I, 'than to remain a domesticated rosy little Miss, who -romps with the squire, plays an old tune on an old piano, and reads -prayers for the good family--servants and all. At last, marrying some -honest gentleman, who lives on his saddle, she degenerates into a -dangler of keys and whipper of children; trots up and down stairs, -educates the poultry, and superintends the architecture of pies.' - -'Now for my part,' said Stuart, 'I would have a young lady neither a -mere homely drudge, nor a sky-rocket heroine, let off into the clouds. -I would educate her heart and head, as well as her fingers and feet. -She should be at once the ornament of the social group, and the delight -of the domestic circle; abroad attractive, at home endearing; the -enchantress to whom levity would apply for mirth, and wisdom for -admonition; and her mirth should be graceful, and her admonition -fascinating. If she happened to be solitary, she should have the power -of contemplation, and if her needle broke, she should be capable of -finding resource in a book. In a word, she should present a proof, that -wit is not inconsistent with good-nature, nor liveliness with -good-sense, and that to make the virtues attractive, they ought to be -adorned with the graces.' - -'And pray, to whom would you marry this charmer?' asked his lordship, -winking at me. - -'Why,' replied he, 'when she wishes to settle in life, I would have her -consult her parents, and make a prudent match.' - -'A prudent match!' cried I. 'Just conceive--a prudent match! Oh, -Stuart, I declare I am quite ashamed of you.' - -''Pon honour,' said his lordship, 'you are too severe. I will bet five -to four he means well.' - -'No doubt,' said I. 'And to be candid, I think him a mighty good sort -of a man.' - -'A proper behaved young person,' said his lordship. - -'An honest _bon diable_!' added I. - -'A worthy soul!' said he. - -'A respectable character!' cried I. - -'A decent creature!' said he. - -'A humane and pious christian,' cried I. - -This last hit was irresistible, and both of us burst out laughing, -while Stuart sat silent, and even affected to smile. - -'Now is your time,' whispered I, to his lordship. 'A few more sarcasms, -and he crouches to you for ever.' - -'I fancy, young gentleman,' said his lordship, turning full upon -Stuart, and laughing so long, that I thought he would never finish the -sentence; 'I fancy, my tight fellow, you may now knock under.' - -'I am not always inclined to do so,' replied Stuart; 'neither am I -easily provoked to knock down.' - -'Knock down whom?' demanded his lordship, with the most complete frown -I had ever beheld. - -'A puppy,' said Stuart coolly. - -'You lie!' vociferated our hero. - -'Leave the room, Sir,' cried Stuart, starting from his seat. - -Montmorenci rose, retreated to the door;--stopped--went on--stopped -again--moved--stopped-- - -'Vanish!' cried Stuart, advancing. - -His lordship vanished. - -I ran, snatched a pen, and wrote on a scrap of paper - -'VINDICATE YOUR HONOUR, OR NEVER APPEAR IN MY PRESENCE!' - -I then rang the bell for the maid, and slipping some silver into her -hand, begged that she would deliver the paper to his lordship. - -Higginson then started from his chair. - -'After a deliberate consideration of the subject,' said he, 'I am more -and more convinced, that a poet is the first character in society.' - -During a whole hour, I remained in a state of the most distracting -suspense, for he never returned! Meantime, Stuart was privately -pressing me to leave my lodgings, and remain at his father's, till -Wilkinson should be found. Indignant at the cowardly conduct of his -lordship, I was almost consenting; when on a sudden, the door flew -open, and with a slow step and dignified deportment, Lord Altamont -Mortimer Montmorenci entered. All eyes were rivetted on him. He walked -towards Stuart, and fell upon one knee before him: - -'I come, Sir,' said he, 'to retract that abuse which I gave you just -now. I submit to whatever punishment you please; nor shall I think my -honour re-established till my fault is repaired. Then grant me the -pardon that I beg, on whatever conditions you think proper.' - -'For shame!' exclaimed I, with an indignation that I could not -suppress. 'You a hero?' - -His lordship instantly snatched a book from his pocket, and opening a -passage, presented it to me. The book was _La Nouvelle Heloise_. - -'You see there,' said he, 'how Lord B., after having given St. Preux -the lie, begs forgiveness on his knees, and in the precise words which -I have just used. Will Cherubina condemn the conduct that Heloise -applauded?' - -'Ever excellent, ever exalted mortal!' cried I. 'O thou art indeed all -that is just, dignified, magnanimous.' - -I gave him my hand, and he bowed over it. Supper was announced. Mirth -ruled the night. The landlady sat gazing on his lordship; his lordship -on me. Stuart uttered a thousand witticisms; and even the poet -determined to be heard; for, in the midst of our merriment, I saw him, -with his mouth open, and his neck stretched forward, watching for the -first moment of silence. It came. - - 'This is the fun, - Equalled by none; - So never, never, never have done!' - -cried the happy creature, and protruded such an exorbitant laugh as -made ample amends for the gravity of his whole life. - -At length Stuart took leave; and the rest of us separated to our -several apartments. - -That coxcomb, I see, has no notion of sentiment, and no taste for -admiring those who have. There he sits, calm, unconcerned, and never -once fixes his eyes on me with a speaking gaze. Oh, no; nothing but wit -or wisdom for him. Not only is the fellow far from a pathetic turn -himself, but he has also an odd faculty of detaching even me from my -miseries, and of reducing me to horrid hilarity. It would vex a saint -to see how he makes me laugh, though I am predetermined not to give him -a single smile. But Montmorenci, the sentimental Montmorenci, timely -interposes the fine melancholy of his features;--he looks, he sighs, he -speaks; and in a moment I am recalled to the soft emotions, and a due -sense of my deplorable destiny. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XVII - - -Clouds are impending, and I know not whether they will clash together, -and elicit lightning, or mingle into one, and descend in refreshing -showers. - -This morning, Montmorenci, the hostess, and myself, breakfasted early, -and then went shopping. I purchased a charming scarf, a bonnet, two -dresses, a diamond cross, and a pair of pearl ear-rings. His lordship -borrowed a guinea from me, and then bought a small casket, which he -presented to me in the handsomest manner. - -We next visited Westminster Abbey; the first that I have ever seen, -though I had read of thousands. To my great disappointment, I found in -it no cowled monks with scapulars, and no veiled nuns with rosaries. -Nothing but statues of statesmen and warriors, in stone wigs and marble -regimentals. - -Soon after we had returned home, Higginson entered my room, stealing, -and with a look of terror. - -'My mother presents her respectful compliments,' said he in a whisper, -'and begs you will honour her with your presence, that she may do -herself the pleasure of saving you from destruction.' - -'Tell me,' said I, with a look that pierced into his soul, 'which -character do _you_ mean to support on this occasion? that of my -friend, or of an accomplice in the plot against me?' - -Higginson looked aghast. - -'As to your being a principal,' continued I, 'that is not likely; but I -must ascertain if your object is to be--excuse me--an understrapping -ruffian. Never fear, speak your mind candidly.' - -'And I was writing verses on you all the morning, and it was for you -that I clipped my eyebrows, and it was for you that I--dear me, dear -me!' cried the poor man, and began whimpering like a child. - -'Nay,' said I, 'if it is not your taste, that is another affair; but -though I cannot countenance you as a villain, I will at least respect -you as an honest man. I will, I assure you; so now lead me to your -mother.' - -We proceeded up stairs, and entered a garret; where his mother, a -corpulent old lady, was lying in a fit of the gout. - -Higginson having introduced us: 'Miss,' said she, 'I sent for you to -tell you that I have just overheard your hostess, and an old gentleman -(Betterton, I think she called him), planning something against you. -They were in the next room, and thought I could not hear; but this I -know, that he offered her fifty pounds, if she would assist him in -obtaining you. And so, Miss, from all my son says of you, and sure -enough he raves of you like mad, I thought you would wish to be saved -from ruin.' - -'Certainly, Madam,' answered I. 'At the same time, I must beg -permission to remark, that you have destroyed half the interest of this -intrigue against me, by forewarning me of it.' - -'May be so, Miss,' said she. 'I have done my duty as a Christian, -however.' - -'Nay,' said I, 'do not suppose I resent your conduct, old lady. I am -sure you meant all for the best, and I sincerely wish you health and -happiness. Farewell.' - -On returning to my room, I found Betterton there before me. He came to -request that I would accept of a ticket for the masquerade, at the -Pantheon: and he gave another to the landlady; who, he said, must -accompany me thither: so 'tis clear that he means to decoy me from it. -Unhappy girl! But how can I refuse going? A heroine, you know, never -misses a masquerade: it is always the scene of her best adventure; and -to say the truth, I cannot resist the temptation of so delightful an -amusement. Now to consult about my character. - - - - -LETTER XVIII - - -At dinner, yesterday, I bespoke his lordship as an escort to the -masquerade; and we then held a council of dress. It was resolved, that -I should appear in the character of Sterne's Maria, and his lordship as -Corporal Trim. - -This morning, just as I had finished reading the closet-scene, in the -Children of the Abbey, Betterton and the landlady came into my room; -and in a short time, I perceived the purport of their visit; as they -began requesting that I would not take either Stuart or Montmorenci -with me to the masquerade. - -'The fact is, Miss,' said the landlady, 'that I have heard your real -story. Mr. Grundy is not your cousin at all, and your name is -Wilkinson, not Donald. Howsomever, as I believe you meant no harm, in -this deception, I am willing, at the solicitations of this excellent -gentleman, to let you remain in my house, provided you promise not to -receive any more visits from that Stuart, who is the greatest villain -unhanged; or from Mr. Grundy, who has certainly bad designs on you; -though he made proposals of marriage to myself, no longer ago than -yesterday.' - -A tapping at my door prevented me from expressing my total disbelief in -her latter assertion. It struck me that should the person prove to be -his lordship, I might make her look extremely foolish, by letting her -overhear his declarations of attachment to me. 'Conceal yourselves in -this closet,' whispered I to my visitors. 'I have particular reasons.' -They looked at each other, and hesitated. - -'In, in!' said I; 'for I suspect that this visit is from a villain, and -I wish you to hear what passes.' - -Both then went into the closet. I opened the door of my chamber, and, -to my great disappointment, the poet appeared at it, with his eyes -rolling, and his mouth ajar. - -'What is the matter?' asked I. - -He gaped still wider, but said nothing. - -'Ah,' cried I, 'that is an awkward attempt at expressing horror. If you -have any hideous news to communicate, why do you not rush into the -room, tossing your hands on high, and exclaiming, "Fly, fair lady, all -is lost!"' - -'Indeed, Miss,' said he, 'I was never in the way of learning good -breeding. But don't go to the masquerade, Miss, Oh, don't! My mother -overheard old Betterton just now planning with the landlady, to carry -you from it by force. But, Miss, I have a fine sword, above stairs, -three feet and a half long, and I will rub off the rust, and----' - -A knock at the street-door interrupted him. I was in a hiding mood. -Already the scene promised wonders; and I resolved not to damp its -rising spirit; so made the simple Higginson get underneath the sofa. - -The next moment my door opened, and Vixen, Montmorenci's terrier, came -bounding towards me. - -'Go, dear Vixen,' cried I, snatching her to my bosom; 'carry back to -your master all that nourishes his remembrance. Go, dear Vixen, guard -him by night, and accompany him by day, serve him with zeal, and love -him with fidelity!' - -I turned round, and perceived--Montmorenci! The poor timid girl bent -her eyes to the ground. - -'Yes, dear Vixen,' said he, 'you have now indeed a claim to my regard; -and with the fondest gratitude will I cherish you!' - -He then flew to me, and poured forth, at my feet, the most passionate -acknowledgments, and tender protestations. - -I tried to break from him. - -'No, loveliest Cherubina!' said he, detaining me. 'Not thus must we -part.' - -'We must part for ever!' exclaimed I. 'After that rash soliloquy which -you have just heard, never can I bear you in my sight. Besides, Sir, -you are betrothed, at this moment, to another.' - -'I? Ridiculous! But to whom?' - -'Our hostess--a most charming woman.' - -'Our hostess! Yes, a charming woman indeed. She has roses in her cheek, -and lilies in her skin; but they are white roses, and orange lilies. -Our hostess! Beshrew my heart, I would let cobwebs grow on my lips -before I would kiss her.' - -Another knock came to the door. - -'Me miserable!' exclaimed I. 'If this be the person I suspect, we are -both undone--separated for ever!' - -'Who? what? where shall I hide?' cried his lordship. - -'Yon dark closet,' said I, pointing. 'Fly.' - -His lordship sprang into the closet, and closed the door. - -'I can hear no tidings of your father,' said Stuart, entering the room. -'I have searched every hotel in Town, and I really fear that some -accident----' - -'Mercy upon me! who's here?' cried his lordship from the closet. 'As I -hope to be saved, the place is full of people. Let me go; whoever the -devil you are, let me go!' - -'Take that--and that--and that:--you poor, pitiful, fortune-hunting -play-actor!' vociferated the landlady, buffetting him about. - -That unhappy young nobleman bolted from the closet, with his face -running blood, and the landlady fast at his heels. - -'Yes, you dog!' exclaimed she; 'I have discovered your treacherousness -at last. As for your love-letters and trinkets, to me, villain--I never -valued 'em a pin's point; but that you should go for to try to ruin -this sweet innocent young creature, that is what distresses me, so it -is.' And she burst out crying. - -'Love-letters and trinkets to you!' exclaimed I. 'Surely he was not so -base, Madam.' - -'But he was so base, Madam,' said she with a bitter look; 'and if you -fancy that 'tis yourself he loves, why look there; read the letter he -sent me yesterday, just after I had asked him to pay me for six months' -diet and lodging.' - -I read: - - 'Accept, my lovely hostess, the pair of bracelets which accompanies - this note, and rest assured that I will discharge my bill, in the - course of another month. - - 'My motive for having brought Miss Wilkinson into your house, as my - cousin, was simply to restore her to her friends. Your jealousy, - though most unfounded, is most flattering. - - 'Ah, how little do you know your Grundy!--If I pay the silly girl a - few slight attentions, it is only to cloak that tenderness for you, - which preys upon my heart, and consumes my vitals;--that - tenderness, which I yesterday so solemnly vowed to evince (as soon - as my affairs are arranged) at the altar. - - 'Your own, own, own, - - 'ABRAHAM GRUNDY.' - -It was as much as my dignity could do to suppress my indignation at -this letter; but the heroine prevailed, and I cast on his lordship my -famous compound expression of pity, contempt, and surprise, which I -tinged with just fascination enough to remind him of what a jewel he -had lost. - -Meantime he stood wiping his face, and did not utter a word. - -'And now,' cried I, 'now for the grand developement. James Higginson, -come forth!' - -In a moment the poet was seen, creeping, like a huge tortoise, from -under the sofa. - -'Mr. Higginson,' said I, 'did not your mother tell you, that this lady -here--this amiable lady,' (and I curtsied low to her, and she curtsied -still lower to me), 'that this first and best of women,' (and again we -exchanged rival curtsies), 'is plotting with a Mr. Betterton to betray -me into his hands at the masquerade?' - -'Madam,' answered the poet, with a firm demeanour, 'I do solemnly -certify and asseverate, that so my mother told me.' - -'Then your mother told a confounded falsehood!' cried Betterton, -popping out of the closet. - -Higginson walked up to him, and knocked him down with the greatest -gravity imaginable. The hostess ran at Higginson, and fastened her -fangs in his face. Montmorenci laid hold of the hostess, and off came -her cap. Stuart dropped into a chair with laughter. I too forgot all my -dignity, and clapped my hands, and danced with delight, while they -kicked and scratched each other without mercy. - -At length Stuart interfered, and separated the combatants. The landlady -retired to repair her dismantled head; and his lordship and Higginson -to wash their wounds. Betterton too was about to take his departure. - -'Sir,' said Stuart, 'I must beg leave to detain you for a few moments.' - -Betterton bowed and returned. - -'Your name is Betterton, I believe.' - -'It is, Sir.' - -'After Mr. Higginson's accusation of you,' said Stuart, 'I feel myself -called upon, as the friend of this lady's father, to insist on your -apologizing for the designs which you have dared to harbour against -her; and to demand an unequivocal renunciation of those views for the -future.' - -'You are an honest fellow,' said Betterton, 'and I respect your spirit. -Most sincerely, most humbly, Miss Wilkinson, do I solicit your -forgiveness; and I beg you will believe, that nothing but a -misrepresentation of your real character and history tempted me to -treat you with such undeserved insult. I now declare, that you have -nothing further to fear from me.' - -'But before I can feel perfectly satisfied,' said Stuart, 'I must -stipulate for the discontinuance of your visits to Miss Wilkinson, as a -proof that you have relinquished all improper projects against her.' - -'I had formed that resolution before you spoke,' answered Betterton, -'though many a bitter pang it will cost me. Now then we are all -friends. I may have my faults, but upon my soul, I am a man of -honour;--I am, upon my soul. As for you, Mr. Stuart, without flattery, -you have evinced more discretion and coolness, throughout this affair, -than I have ever seen in so young a man. Sir, you are an honour to the -human race, and I wish you would dine with me this evening at the Crown -and Anchor. Some friends of us meet there to discuss a radical reform. -Do, my dear fellow. We want nothing but men of respectability like you; -for our sentiments "are the finest in the world."' - -'You will excuse me,' said Stuart, 'though I am told that your wines -are as fine and as foreign as your sentiments.' - -'Well, adieu, good people,' said Betterton. 'Think of me with kindness. -Faults I may have, but my heart----' (tapping at it with his -forefinger), 'all is right here.' - -After he had left us, I reprimanded Stuart so severely, for his -officiousness in having interfered about Betterton, that he went away -quite offended; and, I much fear, will never return. If he does not, he -will use me basely, to leave me here in this unprotected state, after -all his anxieties about me--anxieties too, which (I cannot tell why) -have pleased me beyond expression. I confess, I feel a regard for the -man, and should be sorry to have hurt his feelings seriously. Would Sir -Charles Bingley have deserted me so, I ask? No. But Stuart has no -notion of being a plain, useful, unsuccessful lover, like him. Well, I -must say, I hate to see a man more ready to fall out with one, than to -fall in love with one. - -But Montmorenci--what shall I say of him? How can he possibly exculpate -himself from his treacherous intrigue with the landlady? I confess I am -predisposed to credit any feasible excuse which he can assign, rather -than find myself deceived, outrivalled, and deprived of a lover, not -alone dear to me, but indispensible to the progress of my memoirs. - -Then, that closet-scene, from which I had a right to expect the true -pathetic, what a bear-garden it became! In short, I feel at this moment -disgusted with the world. I half wish I were at home again. Now too, -that Stuart has reminded me of our early days, I cannot avoid sometimes -picturing to myself the familiar fireside, the walks, frolics, -occupations of our childhood; and well I remember how he used to humour -my whims. Oh, these times are past, and now he opposes me in every -thing. - -But whither am I wandering? Pardon these vulgar sentiments. They have -escaped my pen. You know that a mere home is my horror. Forgive them. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XIX - - -Determined to support my dignity, I dined alone in my room, after the -closet-scene; and during this evening, letters of the most -heart-rending nature passed between his lordship and me. - -To be brief, he has convinced me, that the letter written in his name, -to the landlady, was a FORGERY of her own. The circumventing wretch! I -am of opinion, that it ought to be made a hanging matter. - -The following is an extract from his and my correspondence. After a -most satisfactory disquisition on the various circumstances tending to -prove the forgery, he writes thus: - - * * * * * - -'I have begun twenty letters to you, and have torn them all. I write to -you on my knees, and the paper is blistered with my tears; but I have -dried it with my sighs. - -'Sun, moon, and stars may rise and set as they will. I know not whether -it be day, or whether it be night. - -'When the girl came with your last note, the idea that your eyes had -just been dwelling on her features, on her cap, ribbon, and apron, made -her and them so interesting, so dear to me, that, though her features -are snubbed, her cap tattered, her ribbon bottle-green (which I hate), -and her apron dirty, I should certainly have taken her in my arms, if I -had not been the most bashful of men. - -'Though that note stung me to the heart, the words were hosts of angels -to me, and the small paper the interminable regions of bliss. Any thing -from you! - -'How my heart beats, and my blood boils in my veins, when by chance our -feet meet under the table. The diapason of my heart-strings vibrates to -the touch. How often I call to mind the sweet reproof you once gave me -at dinner, when I trod on your toe in a transport of passion. - -'"If you love me, tell me so," said you, smiling; "but do not hurt my -foot." - -'Another little incident is always recurring to me. As we parted from -each other, the night before last, you held out your hand and said, -"Good-night, my dear Montmorenci." It was the first time you had ever -called me _dear_. The sound sank deep into my heart. I have repeated -it a hundred times since, and when I went to bed, I said, good night, -my dear Montmorenci. I recollected myself and laughed. The fatal kiss -that I once dared to snatch from you has undone me for ever. The -moisture on your lip was like a suppuration of rubies. O immortal -remembrance of that illusive, frantic, and enchanting moment!' - - BILLET FROM CHERUBINA. - - He who could be capable of the letter, could be capable of calling - it a forgery. - - BILLET FROM MONTMORENCI. - - Misery with you, were better than happiness without you. - - BILLET FROM CHERUBINA. - - Hatred and certainty were better than love and suspicion. - - BILLET FROM MONTMORENCI. - - Love is heaven and heaven is love. - - BILLET FROM CHERUBINA. - - If heaven be love, I fear that heaven is not eternal. - - BILLET FROM MONTMORENCI. - - If my mind be kept in suspense, my body shall be suspended too. - - BILLET FROM CHERUBINA. - - Foolish youth! If my life be dear to thee, attempt not thine own. - - BILLET FROM MONTMORENCI. - - It were easier to kill myself than to fly from Cherubina. - - BILLET FROM CHERUBINA. - - LIVE. I restore you to favour. - - BILLET FROM MONTMORENCI. - - Angelic girl! But how can I live without the means? My landlady - threatens me with an arrest. Heloise lent money to St. Preux. - - BILLET FROM CHERUBINA. - - In enclosing to you half of all I have, I feel, alas! that I am but - half as liberal of my purse as of my heart. - - BILLET FROM MONTMORENCI. - - I promise to pay Lady Cherubina de Willoughby, or order, on demand, - the sum of twenty-five pounds sterling, value received. - - MONTMORENCI. - -In a few minutes after I had received this last billet, his lordship -came in person to perfect the reconciliation. Never was so tender, so -excruciating a scene. - -We then consulted about the masquerade; and he brought me down his -dress for it. The Montero cap and tarnished regimentals (which he -procured at the theatre) are admirable. - -Soon after his departure, a letter was brought to me by the maid; who -said, that a tall man, wrapped in a dark cloak, put it into her hand, -and then fled with great swiftness. - -Conceive my sensations on reading this note, written in an antiquated -hand. - - _To Lady Cherubina de Willoughby. - - These, greeting. - - Most fayre Ladie - - An aunciente and loyall Vassall that erewhyles appertained unto - yre ryhgte noble Auncestrie, in ye qualitie of Seneschal, hath, - by chaunce, discovred yer place of hiding, and doth crave ye boon - that you will not fayle to goe unto ye Masquerade at ye Pantheon; - where, anon he will joyn you, and unravell divers mysterys - touching your pedigree. - - Lette nonne disswaid you from to goe, and eke lette nonne, save a - Matron, goe with you; els I dare not holde parle with you. - - Myne honoured Ladie, if you heede not this counsell, you will work - yourselfe woefull ruth._ - -Judge if I can sleep a wink after such a mysterious communication. -Excellent old man! I mean to make him my steward. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XX - - -I believe I mentioned, in a former letter, that my bed-chamber was on -the ground floor, and looking into the yard at the back of the house. -Soon after I went to bed, last night, I heard a whispering and rustling -outside of the window, and while I was awaiting with anxiety the -result, sleep surprised me. - -I awoke earlier, as I thought, than usual, this morning; for not a ray -penetrated my curtainless window. I then tried to compose myself to -sleep again, but in vain; so there I lay turning and tumbling about, -for eight or nine hours, at the very least. At last I became alarmed. -What can be the matter? thought I. Is the sun quenched or eclipsed? or -has the globe ceased rolling? or am I struck stone blind? - -In the midst of my conjectures, a sudden cry of fire! fire! -reverberated through the house. I sprang out of bed, and huddled on me -whatever cloaths came to hand. I then groped for my casket of jewels, -and having secured it, rushed into the outer room, where my eyes were -instantly dazzled by the sudden glare of light. - -However, I had presence of mind enough to snatch up Corporal Trim's -coat, which still remained on a chair; and to slip it on me. For, in -the first place, I had no gown underneath; and in the next, I -recollected, that Harriot Byron, at a moment of distress, went wild -about the country, in masquerade. - -Hurrying into the hall, I saw the street door wide open, Stuart and -Montmorenci struggling with each other near it, the landlady dragging a -trunk down stairs, and looking like the ghost of a mad housemaid; and -the poet just behind her, with his corpulent mother, bed and all, upon -his back; while she kept exclaiming, that we should all be in heaven in -five minutes, and he crying out, Heaven forbid! Heaven forbid! - -I darted past Stuart, just as he had got Montmorenci down; thence out -of the house, and had fled twenty paces, before I discovered, that, so -far from being night, it was broad, bright, incontrovertible day! - -I had no time to reflect on this mystery, as I heard steps pursuing me, -and my name called. I fled the faster, for I dreaded I knew not what. -The portentous darkness of my room, the false alarm of fire, all -betokened some diabolical conspiracy against my life; so I rushed along -the street, to the horror and astonishment of all who saw me. For -conceive me drest in a long-skirted, red coat, stiff with tarnished -lace; a satin petticoat, satin shoes, no stockings, and my flaxen hair -streaming like a meteor behind me! - -Stop her, stop her! was now shouted on all sides. Hundreds seemed in -pursuit. Panting and almost exhausted, I still continued my flight. -They gained on me. What should I do? I saw the door of a carriage just -opened, and two ladies, dressed for dinner, stepping into it. I sprang -in after them, crying, save me, save me! The footman endeavoured to -drag me out; the mob gathered round shouting; the horses took fright, -and set off in full gallop; I, meantime, on one knee, with my meek eyes -raised, and my hands folded across my bosom, awaited my fate; while the -ladies gazed on me in dismay, and supported one unbroken scream. - -At last, the carriage dashed against a post, and was upset. Several -persons ran forward, and, I being uppermost, took me out the first. -Again I began running, and again a mob was at my heels. I felt certain -they would tear me in pieces. My head became bewildered; and all the -horrid sights I had ever read of rose in array before me. Bacchantes, -animated with Orphean fury, slinging their serpents in the air, and -uttering dithyrambics, appeared to surround me on every side. On I -flew. Knock it down! cried several voices. - -A footman was just entering a house. I rushed past him, and into a -parlour, where a large party were sitting at dinner. - -Save me! exclaimed I, and sank on my knees before them. All -arose:--some, in springing to seize me, fell; and others began dragging -me away. I grasped the table-cloth, in my confusion, and the next -instant, the whole dinner was strewn about the floor. Those who had -fallen down, rose in piteous plight; one bathed in soup, another -crowned with vegetables, and the face of a third all over harico. - -They held me fast, and questioned me; then called me mad, and turned me -into the street. The mob were still waiting for me there, and they -cheered me as I came out; so seeing a shop at hand, I darted through -it, and ran up stairs, into the drawing-room. - -There I found a mother in the cruel act of whipping her child. Ever a -victim to thrilling sensibility, I snatched the rod from her hand; she -shrieked and alarmed the house; and again I was turned out of doors. -Again, my friend the mob received me with a shout; again I took to -flight; rushed through another shop, was turned out--through another, -was turned out. In short, I threaded a dozen different houses, and -witnessed a dozen different domestic scenes. In this, they were -singing, in that scolding:--here, I caught an old man kissing the maid, -there, I found a young man reading the Bible. Entering another, I heard -ladies laughing and dancing in the drawing-room. I hurried past them to -the garrets, and saw their aged servant dying. - -Shocked by the sight, I paused at his half-opened door. Not a soul was -in the room with him; and vials and basons strewed the table. - -'Is that my daughter?' said he feebly. 'Will no one go for my daughter? -To desert me thus, after first breaking my heart! Well then, I will -find her out myself.' - -He made a sudden effort to rise, but it was fatal. His head and arms -dropped down motionless, and hung out of the bed. He gave a hollow sob, -and expired. - -Horrorstruck, I rushed into an adjoining garret, and burst into tears. -I felt guilty of I knew not what; and the picture of Wilkinson, dying -in the madhouse, and calling on his daughter, shot across me for a -moment. - -The noise of people searching the rooms below, and ascending the -stairs, put an end to my disagreeable reflections; and I thought but of -escape. Running to the window of the garret, I found that it opened -upon the roof of a neighbouring house; and recollecting that robbers -often escape by similar means, I sprang out of the window, closed it -after me, and ran along a whole row of roofs. - -At last I came to a house higher than the rest, with a small window, -similar to that by which I had just got out, and happily lying open. On -looking into the garret, I found that nobody was there, so I scrambled -into it, and fastened the window after me. A servant's bed, a chair, a -table, and an immense chest, constituted all the furniture. The chest -had nothing but a little linen in it; and I determined to make it my -place of refuge, in case of an alarm. - -Having sat a few minutes, to compose my spirits, after the shock they -had just experienced, I resolved on exploring the several apartments; -for I felt a secret presentiment that this house was, some way or -other, connected with my fate--a most natural idea. - -I first traversed the garrets, but found nothing in them worthy of -horror; so I stole, with cautious steps, down the first flight of -stairs, and found the door of the front room open. Hearing no noise -inside, I ventured to put in my head, and perceived a large table, with -lighted candles on it, and covered over with half-finished dresses of -various descriptions, besides bonnets, feathers, caps, and ribbons in -profusion; whence I concluded that the people of the house were -milliners. - -Here I sat some time, admiring the dresses, and trying at a mirror how -the caps became me, till I was interrupted by steps on the stairs. I -ran behind a window-curtain; and immediately three young milliners came -into the room. - -They sat down at the table, and began working. - -'I wonder,' said one, 'whether our lodger has returned from dinner.' - -'What a sly eye the fellow casts at me,' says another. - -'And how he smiles at me,' says the first. - -'And how he teases me about my being pretty,' says the second. - -'And me too,' says the first; 'and he presses my hand into the -bargain.' - -'Presses!' says the second; 'why, he _squeezes_ mine; and just think, -he tries to kiss me too.' - -'I know,' says the third, who was the only pretty girl of the three, -'that he never lays a finger on me, nor speaks a word to me, good or -bad--never: and yesterday he lent me the Mysteries of Udolpho with a -very bad grace; and when I told him that I wanted it to copy the -description of the Tuscan girl's dress, as a lady had ordered me to -make up a dress like it, for the masquerade to-night, he handed me the -book, and said, that if I went there myself, the people would take my -face for a mask.' - -Judge of my horror, when I recollected, that this was, indeed, the -night of the masquerade; and that I was pent behind a curtain, without -even a dress for it! - -That Tuscan costume, thought I, would just answer. Perhaps I could -purchase it from the milliner. Perhaps---- But in the midst of my -perhaps's, the first and second milliner set off with some Indian -robes, which they had finished for the masquerade, while the pretty one -still remained to complete the Tuscan dress. - -While I was just resolving to issue from my retreat, and persuade her -to sell me the dress, I heard a step stealing up the stairs; and -presently perceived a young gentleman peeping into the room. He nodded -familiarly to the milliner; and said, in a whisper, that he had seen -her companions depart, and was now come to know how soon she would go, -that he might meet her at their old corner. She replied, that she would -soon be ready; and he then stole back again. - -I had now no time to lose in accomplishing my plan, so I drew aside the -curtain, and stood, in a commanding attitude before her. - -The poor girl looked up, started, made a miserable imitation of the -heroic scream, and ran down stairs. - -I ran after her, as far as the landing-place; and on looking over the -balusters, into the hall, I saw the young man who had just been with -her, listening to her account of the transaction. 'I will call the -watch,' said she, 'and do you keep guard at the door.' - -She then hastened into the street, and he stood in such a manner, that -it was impossible for me to pass him. - -'What is the matter?' cried the mistress of the house, coming out of -the parlour. - -'A mad woman that is above stairs,' answered the young man. 'Miss Jane -has just seen her; dressed half like a man, half like a woman, and with -hair down to the ground!' - -'What is all this?' cried a maid, running out of the kitchen. - -'Oh! Molly,' said the mistress, 'Miss Jane is just frightened to death -by a monster above stairs, half man, half woman, and all over covered -with hair!' - -Another servant now made her appearance. - -'Oh! Betty,' cried Molly, 'Miss Jane is just killed by a huge monster -above stairs, half man, half beast, all over covered with black hair, -and I don't know what other devilments besides!' - -'I will run and drive it down,' cried Betty, and began ascending the -stairs. Whither could I hide? I luckily recollected the large chest; so -I flew up to the garret. It was now quite dark; but I found the chest, -sprang into it, and having closed the lid, flung some of the linen over -me. I then heard the girl enter the next room, and in a few moments, -she came into mine, with another person. - -'Here is the trunk, Tom,' said she, 'and I must lock it on you till the -search is over. You see, Tom, what risks I am running on your account; -for there is Miss Jane, killed by it, and lying in bits, all about the -floor.' - -The man had now jumped into the chest; the girl locked it in an -instant, took out the key, and ran down. - -Almost prest to death, I made a sudden effort to get from under him. - -'What's this! Oh! mercy, what's this?' cried he, feeling about. - -I gathered myself up; but did not speak. - -'Help!' vociferated he. ''Tis the monster--here is the hair! help, -help!' - -'Hush!' said I, 'or you will betray both of us. I am no monster, but a -woman.' - -'Wasn't? it you that murdered the milliner?' said he, still trembling. - -'No, really,' replied I, 'but now not a word; for I hear people -coming.' - -As I spoke, several persons entered the room. We lay still. They -searched about; and one of them, approaching the chest, tried to lift -the lid. - -'That is locked this month past,' said the voice of the maid who had -hidden the man in it, 'so you need not look there.' - -They then searched the remaining garrets; and I heard them say, as they -were going down stairs, that I must have jumped out of a window. - -'And now, Madam,' said the man, 'will you have the goodness to tell me -who you are?' - -'A young and innocent maiden,' answered I, 'who, flying from my -persecutors, took refuge here.' - -'Young and innocent!' cried he, 'good ingredients, faith. Come then, my -dear; I will protect you.' - -So saying, he caught me round the waist, and attempted to kiss me. - -I begged, reasoned, menaced--all would not do. I had read of a heroine, -whose virtue was saved by a timely brain-fever; so, as I could not -command one at that instant, I determined on affecting one. - -'I murdered her famously!' exclaimed I; and then commenced singing and -moaning by turns. - -He stopped, and lay quiet, as if uncertain what to make of me. I -scratched the chest with my nails, and laughed, and shrieked. He began -to mutter curses and prayers with great rapidity; till, as I was -gabbling over the finest passage in Ossian, 'Oh! merciful!' ejaculated -he, rolling himself into a ball; ''tis a Bedlamite broke loose!' - -By this time, between my terror, and the heat of the chest, I was -gasping for breath; and my companion appeared on the very point of -suffocation; when, at this critical juncture, some one fortunately came -into the room. The man called for help, the chest was unlocked, opened; -and the maid with a candle appeared before us. - -The man darted out like an arrow; she remained motionless with -astonishment at seeing me, while I lay there, almost exhausted; though, -as usual, not worth a swoon. I do believe, that the five fingers I am -writing with would leave me, sooner than my five senses. - -'She has confessed to the murder!' cried the man; while the maid held -by his arm, and shrunk back, as I rose from the chest with an air of -dignity. - -'Be not frightened, my friends,' said I smiling, 'for I assure you that -I am no murderess; and that the milliner is alive and well, at this -moment. Is she not, young woman?' - -'Yes, sure,' answered she, somewhat recovering from her terror. - -'How I came into this extraordinary situation,' continued I, 'it were -needless to relate; but I must have your assistance to get out of it. -If you, my good girl, will supply me with a decent gown, bonnet, and -pair of stockings, I will promise not to tell the family that you had a -lover secreted in the house, and I will give you two guineas for your -kindness.' - -So saying, I took the casket from the pocket of my regimental coat, and -displayed the jewels and money that were in it. - -'Mercy me!' cried the maid; 'how could they dare for to say that so -rich a lady murdered the girl?' - -'Ay, or so handsome a lady,' added the man, bowing. - -In a word, after some explanations and compliments, I gave the maid -four guineas, and the man the regimental coat; and was supplied with a -gown, bonnet, and pair of stockings. - -As soon as I had dressed myself, we determined that I should steal down -stairs, and out of the house; and that, if discovered in my passage, I -should not betray the maid. - -Accordingly, with much trepidation, I began to descend the stairs. Not -a soul seemed stirring. But as I passed by the milliner's room, I -perceived the door half open, and heard some one humming a tune inside. -I peeped through the chink, and saw the pretty milliner again seated -there, and still busied about the Tuscan dress. I resolved to make -another effort for it; and as I had gained my point with the maid, by -having discovered her intrigue, it struck me that I might succeed with -the milliner in a similar manner. - -I therefore glided into the room, and seated myself just opposite to -her. - -'Your business, Ma'am?' said she, looking surprised. - -'To purchase that dress,' answered I. - -''Tis already purchased,' said she. - -'Do you remember the mad woman with the long hair?' said I, as I took -off my bonnet, and let down my tresses, with all the grandeur of virtue -victorious over vice. - -She started and turned pale. - -'You are the very person, I believe,' faltered she. 'What upon earth -shall I do?' - -'Do?' cried I. 'Why, sell me the Tuscan dress of course. The fact -is--but let it go no farther--I am a heroine; I am, I give you my word -and honour. So, you know, the lady being wronged of the dress, -(inasmuch as she is but an individual), is as nothing compared with the -wrong that the community will sustain, if they lose the pleasure of -finding that I get it from you. Sure the whole scene, since I came to -this house, was contrived for the express purpose of my procuring that -individual costume; and just conceive what pretty confusion must take -place, if, after all, you prevent me! My dear girl, we must do poetical -justice. We must not disappoint the reader. - -'You will tell me, perhaps, that selling the dress is improper? -Granted. But, recollect, what improper things are constantly done, in -novels, to bring about a pre-determined event. Your amour with the -gentleman, for instance; which I shall certainly tell your employer, if -you refuse to sell me the dress. - -'As you value your own peace of mind, therefore, and in the name of all -that is just, generous, and honourable, I conjure you to reflect for a -moment, and you must see the matter in its rational light. What can you -answer to these arguments?' - -'That the person who could use them,' said she, 'will never listen to -reason. I see what is the matter with you, and that I have no resource -but to humour you, or be ruined.' And she began crying. - -To conclude, after a little farther persuasion, I got the dress, gave -her ten guineas, and, tripping down stairs, effected a safe escape out -of the house. - -I then called a coach, and drove to Jerry Sullivan's; for I would not -return to my lodgings, lest the conspirators there should prevent me -from going to the masquerade. - -The poor fellow jumped with joy when he saw me; but I found him in -great distress. His creditors had threatened his little shop with -immediate ruin, unless he would discharge his debts. He had now -provided the whole sum due, except forty pounds; but this he could not -procure, and the creditors were expected every minute. - -'I have only twelve guineas in the world,' said I, opening my casket, -'but they are at your service.' And I put them into his hand. - -'Dear Lady!' cried the wife, 'what a mortal sight of jewels you have -got! Do you know, now, I could borrow thirty pounds at least on them, -at the pawnbroker's; and that sum would just answer.' - -'Nay,' said I, 'I cannot consent to part with them; though, had I -thirty pounds, I would sooner give it to you, than buy jewels with it.' - -'Sure then,' cried she, 'by the same rule, you would sooner sell your -jewels, than let me want thirty pounds.' - -'Not at all,' answered I, 'for I am fond of my jewels, and I do not -care about money. Besides, have I not already given you twelve -guineas?' - -'You have,' answered she, 'and that is what vexes me. If you had given -me nothing at all, I would not have minded, because you were a -stranger. But first to make yourself our friend, by giving us twelve -guineas, and then to refuse us the remainder--'tis so unnatural!' - -'Ungrateful woman!' cried I. 'Had I ten thousand pounds, you should not -touch a farthing of it.' - -The arrival of the creditors interrupted us, and a touching scene -ensued. The wife and daughter flung themselves on their knees, and -wrung their hands, and begged for mercy; but the wretches were -inexorable. - -How could I remain unmoved? In short, I slipped the casket into the -wife's hand; out she ran with it, and in a few minutes returned with -forty pounds. The creditors received the money due, passed receipts, -and departed, and Jerry returned me the twelve guineas, saying: 'Bless -your sweet face, for 'tis that is the finger-post to heaven, though, to -be sure, I can't look strait in it, after all you have done for me. -Och! 'tis a murder to be under an obligation: so if just a little bit -of mischief would happen you, and I to relieve you, as you did me, why -that would make me _aisy_.' - -I am writing to you, from his house, while his daughter is finishing -the sleeve of my Tuscan dress; and in a short time I shall be ready for -the masquerade. - -I confess I am not at all reconciled to the means I used in obtaining -that dress. I took advantage of the milliner's indiscretion in one -instance, to make her do wrong in another. But doubtless my biographer -will find excuses for me, which I cannot discover myself. Besides, the -code of moral law that heroines acknowledge is often quite opposite -from those maxims which govern other conditions of life. And, indeed, -if we view the various ranks and departments of society, we shall see, -that what is considered vicious in some of them, is not esteemed so in -others. Thus: it is deemed dishonest in a servant to cheat his master -of his wines, but it is thought perfectly fair for his master to -defraud the King of the revenue from those wines. In the same way, what -is called wantonness in a little minx with a flat face, is called only -susceptibility in a heroine with an oval one. We weep at the letters of -Heloise; but were they written by an alderman's fat wife, we should -laugh at them. The heroine may permit an amorous arm round her waist, -fly in the face of her parents, and make assignations in dark groves, -yet still be described as the most prudent of human creatures; but the -mere Miss has no business to attempt any mode of conduct beyond -modesty, decorum, and filial obedience. In a word, as different classes -have distinct privileges, it appears to me, from what I have read of -the law national, and the law romantic, that the heroine's prerogative -is similar to the King's, and that she, like him, can do no wrong. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XXI - - -O Biddy, I have ascertained my genealogy. I am--but I must not -anticipate. Take the particulars. - -Having secured a comfortable bed at Jerry's, and eaten something (for I -had fasted all day), I went with him in a coach to the Pantheon, where -he promised to remain, and escort me back. - -But I must first describe my Tuscan dress. It was a short petticoat of -pale green, with a bodice of white silk; the sleeves loose, and tied up -at the shoulders with ribbons and bunches of flowers. My hair, which -fell in ringlets on my neck, was also ornamented with flowers and a -straw hat. I wore no mask, heroines so seldom do. - -Palpitating with expectation, I entered the assembly. Such a multitude -of grotesque groups as presented themselves! Clowns, harlequins, nuns, -devils; all talking and none listening. The clowns happy to be called -fools, the harlequins as awkward as clowns, the nuns impudent, and the -devils well-conducted. But as there is a description of a masquerade in -almost every novel, you will excuse me from entering into farther -particulars. - -Too much agitated to support my character with spirit, I retired to a -recess, and there anxiously awaited the arrival of the ancient vassal. - -Hardly had I been seated five minutes, when an infirm and reverend old -man approached, and sat down beside me. His feeble form was propt upon -a long staff, a palsy shook his white locks, and his garments had all -the quaintness of antiquity. - -During some minutes, he gazed on me with earnestness, through a black -mask; at length, heaving a heavy sigh, he thus broke forth in tremulous -accents: - -'Well-a-day! how the scalding tears do run adown my furrowed cheeks; -for well I wis, thou beest herself--the Lady Cherubina De Willoughby, -the long-lost daughter of mine honoured mistress!' - -'Speak, I beseech you!' cried I. 'Are you, indeed, the ancient and -loyal vassal?' - -'Now by my truly, 'tis even so,' said he. - -I could have hugged the dear old man to my heart. - -'Welcome, thrice welcome, much respected menial!' cried I, grasping his -hand. 'But keep me not in suspense. Unfold to me the heart-harrowing -mysteries of my unhappy house!' - -'Now by my fay,' said he, 'I will say forth my say. My name is Whylome -Eftsoones, and I was accounted comely when a younker. But what boots -that now? Beauty is like unto a flower of the field.--Good my lady, -pardon a garrulous old man. So as I was saying, the damozels were once -wont to leer at me right waggishly; but time changeth all things, as -the proverb saith; and time hath changed my face, from that of a -blithesome Ganymede to one of those heads which Guido has often -painted; mild, pale, penetrating. Good my lady, I must tell thee a -right pleasant and quaint saying of a certain nun, touching my face.' - -'For pity's sake,' cried I, 'and as you value the preservation of my -senses, continue your story without these digressions.' - -'Certes, my lady,' said he. 'Well, I was first taken, as a bonny page, -into the service of thy great great grandfader's fader's brother; and I -was in at the death of these four generations, till at last, I became -seneschal to thine honoured fader, Lord De Willoughby. His lordship -married the Lady Hysterica Belamour, and thou wast the sole offspring -of that ill-fated union. - -'Soon after thy birth, thy noble father died of an apparition; or, as -some will have it, of stewed lampreys. Returning, impierced with mickle -dolour, from his funeral, which took place at midnight, I was stopped -on a common, by a tall figure, with a mirksome cloak, and a flapped -hat. I shook grievously, ne in that ghastly dreriment wist how myself -to bear.' - -'I do not comprehend your expressions,' interrupted I. - -'I mean,' said he, 'I was in such a fright I did not know what to do. -Anon, he threw aside his disguise, and I beheld--Lord Gwyn!' - -'Lord Gwyn!' cried I. - -'Yea,' said he. 'Lord Gwyn, who was ywedded unto Lord De Willoughby's -sister, the Lady Eleanor.' - -'Then Lady Eleanor Gwyn is my aunt!' cried I. - -'Thou sayest truly,' replied he. '"My good Eftsoones," whispered Lord -Gwyn to me, "know you not that my wife, Lady Eleanor Gwyn, will enjoy -all the extensive estates of her brother, Lord De Willoughby, if that -brother's infant, the little Cherubina, were no more?" - -'"I trow, ween, and wote, 'tis as your lordship saith," answered I. - -'His lordship then put into mine hand a stiletto. - -'"Eftsoones," said he, with a hollow voice, "if this dagger be planted -in a child's heart, it will grow, and bear a golden flower!" - -'He spake, and incontinently took to striding away from me, in such -wise, that maulgre and albe, I gan make effort after him, nathlesse and -algates did child Gwyn forthwith flee from mine eyne.' - -'I protest most solemnly,' said I, 'I do not understand five words in -the whole of that last sentence!' - -'And yet, my lady,' replied he, ''tis the pure well of English -undefiled, and such as was yspoken in mine youth.' - -'But what can you mean by _child_ Gwyn?' said I. 'Surely his lordship -was no suckling at this time.' - -'Child,' said Eftsoones, 'signified a noble youth, some centuries ago; -and it is coming into fashion again. For instance, there is Childe -Harold.' - -'Then,' said I, 'there is "second childishness;" and I fancy there will -be "mere oblivion" too. But if possible, finish your tale in the -corrupt tongue.' - -'I will endeavour,' said he. 'Tempted by this implied promise of a -reward, I took an opportunity of conveying you away from your mother, -and of secreting you at the house of a peasant, whom I bribed to bring -you up as his own daughter. I told Lord Gwyn that I had dispatched you, -and he gave me three and fourpence halfpenny for my trouble. - -'When the dear lady, your mother, missed you, she went through the most -elegant extravagancies; till, having plucked the last hair from her -head, she ran wild into the woods, and has never been heard of since.' - -'Dear sainted sufferer!' exclaimed I. - -'A few days ago,' continued Eftsoones, 'a messenger out of breath came -to tell me, that the peasant to whom I had consigned you was dying, and -wished to see me. I went. Such a scene! He confessed to me that he had -sold you, body and bones, as he inelegantly expressed it, to one farmer -Wilkinson, about thirteen years before; for that this farmer, having -discovered your illustrious birth, speculated on a handsome -consideration from Lord Gwyn, for keeping the secret. Now I am told -there is a certain parchment----' - -'Which I have!' cried I. - -'And a certain portrait of Nell Gwyn----' - -'Which I have!' - -'And a mole just above your left temple----' - -'Which I have!' exclaimed I, in an ecstasy. - -'Then your title is made out, as clear as the sun,' said he; 'and I -bow, in contrition, before Lady Cherubina de Willoughby, rightful -heiress of all the territory now appertaining, or that may hereinafter -appertain, to the House of De Willoughby.' - -'Oh, dear, how delightful!' cried I. 'But my good friend, how am I to -set about proving my title?' - -'Nothing easier,' answered he. 'Lady Gwyn (for his lordship is dead) -resides at this moment on your estate, which lies about thirty miles -from Town; so to-morrow morning you shall set off to see her ladyship, -and make your claims known to her. I will send a trusty servant with -you, and will myself proceed before you, to prepare her for your -arrival. You will therefore find me there.' - -While we were in the act of arranging affairs more accurately, who -should make his appearance, but Stuart in a domino! - -The moment he addressed me, old Eftsoones slunk away; nor could I catch -another glimpse of him during that night. - -Stuart told me that he had come to the masquerade, on the chance of -finding me there, as I seemed so determined on going, the last time he -was with me. He likewise explained the mystery of the darkened chamber, -and the false alarm of fire. - -It appears, that as soon as he had discovered the views of Betterton, -he hired a lodging at the opposite side of the street, and had two -police officers there, for the purpose of watching Betterton's -movements, and frustrating his attempts. He knocked several times in -the course of yesterday, but was always answered that I had walked out. -Knowing that I had not, he began to suspect foul play, and determined -on gaining admittance to me. He therefore knocked once more, and then -rushed into the house crying fire. This manoeuvre had the desired -effect, for an universal panic took place; and in the midst of it, he -saw me issuing forth, and effect my escape. After having pursued me -till he lost all traces of my route, he returned to my lodgings, and -was informed by the poet, that Betterton had persuaded the landlady to -fasten a carpet at the outside of my window, in order to make me remain -in bed, till the time for the masquerade should arrive; and thus -prevent me from having an interview with Stuart. - -We then walked up and down the room, while I gave him an account of the -ancient and loyal vassal, and of all that I had heard respecting my -family. He was silent on the subject; and only begged of me to point -out Eftsoones, as soon as I should see him; but that interesting old -man never appeared. However, I was in great hopes of another adventure; -for a domino now began hovering about us so much, that Stuart at last -addressed it; but it glided away. He said he knew it was Betterton. - -In about an hour, I became tired of the scene; for no one took notice -of my dress. We therefore bade Jerry, who was in waiting, call a coach; -and we proceeded in it to his house. - -On our way, I mentioned my determination of setting off to Lady Gwyn's -the very next morning, as Eftsoones had promised to meet me there. -Stuart, for a wonder, applauded my resolution; and even offered to -accompany me himself. - -'For,' said he, 'I think I know this old Eftsoones; and if so, I fancy -you will find me useful in unravelling part of the mystery. Besides, I -would assist, with all my soul, in any plan tending to withdraw you -from the metropolis.' - -I snatched at his offer with joy; and it was then fixed that we should -take a chaise the next morning, and go together. - -On our arrival at the lodging, Stuart begged a bed of Jerry, that he -might be ready for the journey in time; and the good-natured Irishman, -finding him my friend, agreed to make up a pallet for him in the -parlour. - -Matters were soon arranged, and we have just separated for the night. - -Well, Biddy, what say you now? Have I not made a glorious expedition of -it? A young, rich, beautiful titled heiress already--think of that, -Biddy. - -As soon as I can decently turn Lady Gwyn out of doors, I mean to set -up a most magnificent establishment. But I will treat the poor woman -(who perhaps is innocent of her husband's crime) with extreme -delicacy. She shall never want a bed or a plate. By the by, I must -purchase silver plate. My livery shall be white and crimson. Biddy, -depend upon my patronage. How the parson and music-master will boast -of having known me. Then our village will swarm so, _to hear tell as -how_ Miss Cherry has grown a great lady. Old mother Muggins, at the -bottom of the hill, will make a good week's gossip out of it. However, -I mean to condescend excessively, for there is nothing I hate so much -as pride. - -Yet do not suppose that I am speculating upon an easy life. Though the -chief obstacle to my marriage will soon be removed, by the confirmation -of my noble birth, still I am not ignorant enough to imagine that no -other impediments will interfere. Besides, to confess the fact, I do -not feel my mind quite prepared to marry Montmorenci at so short a -notice. Hitherto I have thought of him but as a lover, not as a -husband--very different characters, in general. - -Ah, no, my friend; be well assured, that adversity will not desert me -quite so quickly. A present good is often the prognostic of an -approaching evil; and when prosperity points its sunshine in our faces, -misfortune, like our shadows, is sure to be behind. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XXII - - -After having breakfasted, and remunerated our entertainers, Stuart and -I set out in a post-chaise, while Jerry ran at our side half way down -the street, heaping me with blessings; and bidding me come to him if -ever I should be ruined. After we had advanced a few miles into the -country, Stuart began to look frequently through the back window, and -appeared uneasy. At length he stopped the carriage, and desired the -driver to turn round. As soon as the man had done so, another carriage, -which, it seems, had followed us from London, passed us, and -immediately turned after us. - -''Tis as I thought!' cried Stuart, and stopping the chaise again, -jumped out of it. - -The chaise behind us also stopped; and a gentleman alighted from it and -approached. But imagine my surprise, when I found that this gentleman -was old Betterton! I could almost have embraced him, his villainous -face looked so promising, and so pregnant with mischief. - -'Sir,' said he to Stuart, 'as you have perceived me following your -carriage, I find myself compelled, however unwillingly, to declare my -motives for doing so. Last night I happened to be at the Pantheon, in a -domino, and saw you there escorting this lady. I confess I had long -before suspected your intentions towards her, and seeing you now -together at a masquerade, and without a matron, I did not feel my -suspicions lessened. I therefore had you both traced home, and I found, -to my great horror, that you stopped at a wretched, and, as I am -informed, infamous house in St. Giles's, where you remained during the -night. I found too, that a chaise was at the door of it this morning: -whence concluding, as I well might, that an elopement was in agitation, -I determined, if possible, to prevent so dreadful a catastrophe, by -hiring a carriage and pursuing you. - -'Sir, you undertook to lecture me, when last I saw you; and plausibly -enough you performed your part. It is now my duty to return the -obligation. Mr. Stuart, Mr. Stuart, is it not a shame for you, Mr. -Stuart? Is this the way to treat the daughter of your friend, Mr. -Stuart? Go, silly boy, return to your home; and bless that heaven which -hath sent me to the rescue of this fair unfortunate.' - -'By all that is comical,' cried Stuart, laughing immoderately, 'this is -too ludicrous even to be angry at! Miss Wilkinson, allow me to -introduce you to Mr. Whylome Eftsoones, an ancient and loyal vassal of -the De Willoughbys;--a mere modern in his principles, I am afraid; but -addicted, I wis, to antiquated language.' - -Betterton, I thought, looked rather blank, as he said, 'Really, Sir, I -do not understand----' - -'But really, Sir,' cried Stuart, 'I _do_ understand. I understand, -that if you would take less trouble in protecting this lady's honour, -you would have a better chance of preserving your own.' - -'Sir,' answered Betterton, 'I will have you to know, that I would -sacrifice my life in defence of my honour.' - -'Well, then,' said Stuart, 'though your life has but little of the -saint, it will, at least, have something of the martyr.' - -Betterton scowled at him askance, and grinned a thousand devils. - -'Hear me, gentlemen,' cried I. 'If either of you again say any thing -disrespectful or insulting to the other, I declare, on my honour, he -shall leave me instantly. At present, I should be happy if both would -do me the favour of escorting me to Lady Gwyn's, as I may meet with -treatment there that will render the support of friends indispensible.' - -It was now Stuart's turn to look downcast, and Betterton's to smile -triumphant. The fact is, I wished to shew this admirable villain how -grateful I felt for his meritorious conduct in not having deserted me. - -'I will accept of your invitation with pleasure,' said he, 'for my seat -lies within a few miles of her ladyship, and I wish to visit my -tenantry.' - -It was now noon. A few fleecy clouds floated in the blue depths of -ether. The breeze brought coolness on its wings, and an inviting -valley, watered by a rivulet, lay on the left; here whitened with -sheep, and there dotted with little encampments of hay. - -Exhilarated by the scene, after so long a confinement in the smoke and -stir of London, I proposed to my companions the rural exercise of -walking, as preferable to proceeding cooped up in a carriage. Each, -whatever was his motive, caught at the proposal with delight, and we -dismissed our chaises. - -I now hastened to luxuriate in Arcadian beatitude. The pastoral habit -of Tuscany was favourable; nothing remained but to rival an Ida, or a -Glorvina, in simple touches of nature; and to trip along the lawns, -like a Daphne or a Hamadryad. - -In an instant, I sprang across a hedge, and fled towards the little -valley, light as a wood-nymph flying from a satyr. I then took up a -most picturesque position. It was beside of the streamlet, under a -weeping willow, and on a grassy bank. Close behind me lay one of the -most romantic cottages that I had ever seen, and at its back was a -small garden, encompassed by green paling. The stream, bordered with -wild-flowers, prattled prettily; save here and there, where a jutting -stone shattered its crystal, and made its music hoarse. It purled and -murmured a little too, but no where could it be said either to tinkle -or gurgle, to chide or brawl. - -Flinging off my bonnet, I shook my narcissine locks over my shoulders, -and began braiding them in the manner of a simple shepherdess. - -Stuart came up the first. I plucked a daisy that was half dipt into the -brook; and instead of shaking off its moisture, I quaffed the liquid -fragrance with my lip, and then held the flower to him. - -'What am I to do with it?' said he. - -'To pledge me,' replied I. 'To drink Nature's nectar, that trembles on -the leaves which my lip has consecrated.' - -He laughed and kissed the flower. That moment a lambkin began its -pretty bleat. - -'Now,' said I, 'make me a simple tripping little ditty on a lambkin.' - -'You shall have it,' answered he, 'and such as an attorney's clerk -would read to a milliner's apprentice.' - - Dear sensibility, O la! - I heard a little lamb cry, ba; - Says I, so you have lost mamma? - Ah! - - The little lamb, as I said so, - Frisking about the field did go, - And frisking, trod upon my toe. - Oh! - -'Neat enough,' said I, 'only that it wants the word LOVE in it.' - -'True,' cried Stuart; 'for all modern poems of the kind abound in the -word, though they seldom have much of the feeling.' - -'And pray, my good friend,' asked I archly, as I bound up my golden -ringlets--'WHAT IS LOVE?' - -'Nay,' said he, 'they say that talking of love is making it.' - -Plucking a thistle that sprang from the bank, I blew away its down with -my balmy breath, merely to hide my confusion. - -Surely I am the most sensitive of all created beings! - -Betterton had now reached us, out of breath after his race, and utterly -unable to articulate. - -'Betterton,' cried I, 'what is love?' - -''Tis,' said he, gasping, ''tis--'tis----' - -'The gentleman,' cried Stuart, 'gives as good a description of it as -most of our modern poets; who make its chief ingredients panting and -broken murmurs.' - -'Now in my opinion,' said I, 'love is a mystical sympathy, which -unfolds itself in the glance that seeks the soul,--the sentiment that -the soul embodies--the tender gaiety--the more delicious sadness--the -stifled sigh--the soft and malicious smile--the thrill, the hope, the -fear--each in itself a little bliss. In a word, it is the swoon of the -soul, the delirium of the heart, the elegant inebriety of -unsophisticated sentiment.' - -'If such be love,' said Stuart, 'I fear I shall never bring myself to -make it.' - -'And pray,' said I, 'how would you make love?' - -'There are many modes,' answered he, 'and the way to succeed with one -girl is often the way to fail with another. Girls may be divided into -the conversable and inconversable. He who can talk the best, has -therefore the best chance of the former; but would a man make a -conquest of one of the beautiful Inutilities, who sits in sweet -stupidity, plays off the small simpers, and founds her prospects in -life on the shape of her face, he has little more to do than call her a -goddess and make himself a monkey. Or if that should fail, as he cannot -apply to her understanding, he must have recourse to her feeling, and -try what the touch can do for him. The touch has a thousand virtues. -Only let him establish a lodgment on the first joint of her little -finger, he may soon set out on his travels, and make the grand tour of -her waist. This is, indeed, to have wit at his fingers' ends; and this, -I can assure you, is the best and shortest way to gain the hearts of -those demure misses, who think that all modesty consists in silence, -that to be insipid is to be innocent, and that because they have not a -word for a young man in public, they may have a kiss for him in -private.' - -'Come,' said I, 'let us talk of love in poetry, not prose. I want some -pretty verses to fill up my memoirs; so, Betterton, now for an amorous -ode to your mistress.' - -Betterton bowed and began: - - TO FANNY - - Say, Fanny, why has bounteous heaven, - In every end benign and wise, - Perfection to your features given? - Enchantment to your witching eyes? - - Was it that mortal man might view - Thy charms at distance, and adore? - Ah, no! the man who would not woo, - Were less than mortal, or were more. - - The mossy rose that scents the sky, - By bee, by butterfly caress'd, - We leave not on the stalk to die, - But fondly snatch it to the breast - - There, unsurpassed in sweets, it dwells;-- - Unless the breast be Fanny's own: - There blooming, every bloom excels;-- - Except of Fanny's blush alone. - - O Fanny, life is on the wing, - And years, like rivers, glide away: - To-morrow may misfortune bring, - Then, gentle girl, enjoy to-day - - And while a lingering kiss I sip, - Ah, start not from these ardent arms; - Nor think the printure of my lip - Will rob your own of any charms. - - For see, we crush not, though we tread, - The cup and primrose. Fanny smiled. - Come then and press the cup, she said, - Come then and press the primrose wild. - -'Now,' cried Stuart, 'I can give you a poem, with just as much love in -it, and twice as much kissing.' - -'That,' said I, 'would be a treasure indeed.' - -He then began thus: - - TO SALLY - - Dawn with stains of ruddy light, - Streaks her grey and fragrant fingers, - While the Ethiop foot of night, - Envious of my Sally, lingers. - - Upward poplars, downward willows, - Rustle round us; zephyrs sprinkle - Leaves of daffodillies, lilies, - Pennyroyal, periwinkle. - - Rosy, balmy, honied, humid, - Biting, burning, murmuring kisses, - Sally, I will snatch from you, mid - Looks demure that tempt to blisses. - - If your cheek grow cold, my dear, - I will kiss it, till it flushes, - Or if warm, my raptured tear, - Shall extinguish all its blushes. - - Yes, that dimple is a valley, - Where sports many a little true love, - And that glance you dart, my Sally, - Might melt diamonds into dew love. - - But while idle thus I chat, - I the war of lips am missing. - This, this, this, and that, that, that, - These make kissing, kissing, kissing. - -The style of this poem reminded me of Montmorenci, and at the same -moment I heard a rustling sound behind me. I started. ''Tis -Montmorenci!' cried I. - -Agitated in the extreme, I turned to see.--It was only a cock-sparrow. - -'I deserve the disappointment,' said I to myself, 'for I have never -once thought of that amiable youth since I last beheld him. 'Sweetest -and noblest of men,' exclaimed I, aloud, 'say, dost thou mourn my -mysterious absence? Perhaps the draught of air that I now inhale is the -same which thou hast breathed forth, in a sigh for the far distant -Cherubina!' - -'That cannot well be,' interrupted Stuart, 'or at least the sigh of -this unknown must have been packed up in a case, and hermetically -sealed, to have come to you without being dispersed on the way.' - -'There you happen to be mistaken,' answered I. 'For in the Hermit of -the Rock, the heroine, while sitting on the coast of Sardinia, seemed -to think it highly probable, that the billow at her feet might be the -identical billow which had swallowed up her lover, about a year before, -off the coast of Martinique.' - -'That was not at all more improbable than Valancourt's theory,' said -Stuart. - -'What was it?' asked I. - -'Why,' said he, 'that the sun sets, in different longitudes, at the -same moment. For when his Emily was going to Italy, while he remained -in France, he begged of her to watch the setting of the sun every -evening, that both their eyes might be fixed upon the same object at -once. Now, as the sun would set, where she was in Italy, much earlier -than where he was in France, he certainly took the best of all possible -methods to prevent their looking at it together.' - -'But, Sir,' said Betterton, 'heroes and heroines are not bound to -understand astronomy.' - -'And yet,' answered Stuart, 'they are greater star-gazers than the -ancient Egyptians. To form an attachment for the moon, and write a -sonnet on it, is the principal test of being a heroine.' - -As he spoke, a painted butterfly came fluttering about me. To pursue it -was a classical amusement, for Caroline of Lichfield made a -butterfly-hunt her pastime; so springing on my feet, I began the chace. -The nimble insect eluded me for a long time, and at last got over the -paling, into the little garden. I followed it through a small gate, and -caught it; but alas! bruised it in the capture, and broke one of its -wings. The poor thing sought refuge in a lily, where it lay struggling -a few moments, and then its little spirit fled for ever. - -What an opportunity for a sonnet! I determined to compose one under the -willow. A beautiful rose-bush was blushing near the lily, and reminded -me how pastoral I should look, could I recline on roses, during my -poetical ecstasy. But would it be proper to pick them? Surely a few -could do no harm. I glanced round--Nobody was in sight--I picked a few. -But what signified a few for what I wanted? I picked a few more. The -more I picked, the more I longed to pick--'Tis human nature; and was -not Eve herself tempted in a garden? So from roses I went to lilies, -from lilies to carnations, thence to jessamine, honey-suckle, -eglantine, sweet-pea; till, in short, I had filled my bonnet, and -almost emptied the beds. I then hurried to the willow with my prize; -sentenced Stuart and Betterton to fifty yards banishment, and -constructed a charming couch of flowers, which I damasked and inlaid -with daisies, butter-flowers, and moss. - -Enraptured with my paradisaical carpet, I flung myself upon it, and my -recumbent form, as it pressed the perfumes, was indeed that of -Mahomet's Houri. Exercise and agitation had heightened the glow of my -cheeks, and the wind had blown my yellow hair about my face, like -withered leaves round a ripened peach. I never looked so lovely. - -In a short time I was able to repeat this sonnet aloud. - - SONNET - - Where the blue stream reflected flowerets pale, - A fluttering butterfly, with many a freak, - Dipped into dancing bells, and spread its sail - Of azure pinions, edged with jetty streak. - I snatched it passing; but a pinion frail, - Ingrained with mealy gold, I chanced to break. - The mangled insect, ill deserving bane, - Falls in the hollow of a lily new. - My tears drop after it, but drop in vain. - The cup, embalmed with azure airs and dew, - And flowery dust and grains of fragrant seed, - Can ne'er revive it from the fatal deed. - So guileless nymphs attract some traiterous eye, - So by the spoiler crushed, reject all joy and die. - -Now that the pomp of composition was over, I began to think I had -treated the owner of the garden extremely ill. I felt myself guilty of -little less than theft, and was deliberating on what I ought to do, -when an old, grey-headed peasant came running towards me from the -garden. - -'Miss!' cried he, 'have you seen any body pass this way with a parcel -of flowers; for some confounded thief has just robbed me of all I had?' - -I raised myself a little to reply, and he perceived the flowers -underneath. - -'Odd's life!' cried he, 'so you are the thief, are you? How dare you, -hussey, commit such a robbery?' - -'I am no hussey, and 'tis no robbery,' cried I; 'and trust me, you -shall neither have apology nor compensation. Hussey, indeed! Sir, it -was all your own fault for leaving that uncouth gate of your's open. I -am afraid, Sir, that you are a shockingly ignorant old man.' - -The peasant was just about to seize me, when Stuart ran up, and -prevented him. They had then some private conversation together, and I -saw Stuart give him a guinea. The talismanic touch of gold struck -instant peace, and a compact of amity followed. Indeed, I have ever -found, that even my face, though a heroine's, and with all its dimples, -blushes, and glances, could never do half so much for me as the royal -face on a bit of gold. - -The peasant was now very civil, and invited us to rest in his cottage. -Thither we repaired, and found his daughter, a beautiful young woman, -just preparing the dinner. I felt instantly interested in her fate. I -likewise felt hungry; so calling her aside, I told her that I would be -happy to have a dinner, and, if possible, a bed, at the cottage; and -that I would recompense her liberally for them, as I was a lady of -rank, but at present in great affliction. - -She said she would be very glad to accommodate me, if her father would -permit her; and she then went to consult him. After a private -conference between them and Stuart, she told me that her father was -willing to let me remain. So we soon agreed upon the terms, and a -village was at hand, where Stuart and Betterton might dine and sleep. - -Before they left me, they made me give a solemn promise not to quit the -cottage, till both of them should return, the next morning. - -Stuart took an opportunity of asking me, whether he could speak to me -in private, that evening. - -'At ten o'clock to-night,' answered I, 'I will be sitting at the -casement of my chamber. Trill a lamenting canzonet beneath it, as a -signal, and I will admit you to a stolen interview.' - -Betterton and he then departed, but not in company with each other. - -Dinner is announced. - -Adieu - - - - -LETTER XXIII - - -At dinner, a young farmer joined us; and I soon perceived that he and -the peasant's daughter, Mary, were born for each other. They betrayed -their mutual tenderness by a thousand little innocent stratagems, that -passed, as they thought, unobserved. - -After dinner, when Mary was about accompanying me to walk, the youth -stole after us, and just as I had got into the garden, he drew her -back, and I heard him kiss her. She came to me with her face a little -flushed, and her ripe lips ruddier than before. - -'Well, Mary,' said I, 'what was he doing to you?' - -'Doing, Ma'am? Nothing, I am sure.' - -'Nothing, Mary?' - -'Why, Ma'am, he only wanted to be a little rude, and kiss me, I -believe.' - -'And you would not allow him, Mary?' - -'Why should I tell a falsehood about it, Ma'am?' said she. 'To be sure -I did not hinder him; for he is my sweetheart, and we are to be married -next week.' - -'And do you love him, Mary?' - -'Better than my life, Ma'am. There never was such a good lad; he has -not a fault in the wide world, and all the girls are dying of envy that -I have got him.' - -'Well, Mary,' said I, 'I foresee we shall spend a most delicious -evening. We will take a rural repast down to the brook, and tell our -loves. The contrast will be beautiful;--mine, the refined, sentimental, -pathetic story; your's the pretty, simple, little, artless tale. Come, -my friend; let us return, and prepare the rustic banquet. No souchong, -or bohea; (blessed names these!) no hot or cold cakes--Oh! no, but -creams, berries, and fruits; goat's milk, figs, and honey--Arcadian, -pastoral, primeval dainties!' - -We then went back to the cottage, but could get nothing better than -currants, gooseberries, and a maple bowl of cream. Mary, indeed, cut a -large slice of bread and butter for her private amusement; and with -these we returned to the streamlet. I then threw myself on my flowery -couch, and my companion sat beside me. - -We helped ourselves. I took rivulet to my cream, and scooped the brook -with my rosy palm. Innocent nymph! ah, why couldst thou not sit down in -the lap of content here, and dance, and sing, and say thy prayers, and -go to heaven with this nut-brown maid? - -I picked up a languishing rose, and sighed as I inhaled its perfume, -and gazed on its decay. - -'Such, Mary,' said I, 'such will be the fate of you and me. How soft, -how serene this evening. It is a landscape for a Claud. But how much -more charming is an Italian or a French than an English landscape. O! -to saunter over hillocks, covered with lavender, wild thyme, juniper -and tamarise, while shrubs fringe the summits of the rocks, or patches -of meagre vegetation tint their recesses! Plantations of almonds, -cypresses, palms, olives, and dates stretch along; nor are the larch -and ilex, the masses of granite, and dark forests of fir wanting; while -the majestic Garonne wanders, descending from the Pyrenees, and winding -its blue waves towards the Bay of Biscay. - -'Is not all this exquisite, Mary?' - -'It must, Ma'am, since you say so,' replied she. - -'Then,' continued I, 'though your own cottage is tolerable, yet is it, -as in Italy, covered with vine leaves, fig-trees, jessamine, and -clusters of grapes? Is it tufted with myrtle, or shaded with a grove of -lemon, orange, and bergamot?' - -'But Ma'am,' said Mary, ''tis shaded by some fine old elms.' - -'True,' cried I, with the smile of approaching triumph. 'But do the -flowers of the spreading agnus castus mingle with the pomegranate of -Shemlek? Does the Asiatic andrachne rear its red trunk? Are the -rose-coloured nerit, and verdant alia marina imbost upon the rocks? And -do the golden clusters of Eastern spartium gleam amidst the fragrant -foliage of the cedrat, the most elegant shrub of the Levant? Do they, -Mary?' - -'I believe not, Ma'am,' answered she. 'But then our fields are all over -daisies, butterflowers, clover-blossoms, and daffodowndillies.' - -'Daffodowndillies!' cried I. 'Ah, Mary, Mary, you may be a very good -girl, but you do not shine in description. Now I leave it to your own -taste, which sounds better,--Asiatic andrachne, or daffodowndillies? If -you knew any thing of novels, you would describe for the ear, not for -the eye. Oh, my young friend, never, while you live, say -daffodowndillies.' - -'Never, if I can help it, Ma'am,' said Mary. 'And I hope you are not -offended with me, or think the worse of me, on account of my having -said it now; for I could safely make oath that I never heard, till this -instant, of its being a naughty word.' - -'I am satisfied,' said I. 'So now let us tell our loves, and you shall -begin.' - -'Indeed, Ma'am,' said she, 'I have nothing to tell.' - -'Impossible,' cried I. 'Did William never save your life?' - -'Never, Ma'am.' - -'Well then, he had a quarrel with you?' - -'Never, in all his born days, Ma'am.' - -'Shocking! Why how long have you known him?' - -'About six months, Ma'am. He took a small farm near us; and he liked me -from the first, and I liked him, and both families wished for the -match; and when he asked me to marry him, I said I would; and so we -shall be married next week; and that is the whole history, Ma'am.' - -'A melancholy history, indeed!' said I. 'What a pity that an -interesting pair, like you, who, without flattery, seem born for one of -Marmontel's tales, should be so cruelly sacrificed.' - -I then began to consider whether any thing could yet be done in their -behalf, or whether the matter was indeed past redemption. I reflected -that it would be but an act of common charity,--hardly deserving -praise--to snatch them awhile from the dogged and headlong way they -were setting about matrimony, and introduce them to a few of the -sensibilities. Surely with very little ingenuity, I might get up an -incident or two between them;--a week or a fortnight's torture, -perhaps;--and afterwards enjoy the luxury of reuniting them. - -Full of this laudable intention, I sat meditating awhile; and at length -hit upon an admirable plan. It was no less than to make Mary (without -her own knowledge) write a letter to William, dismissing him for ever! -This appears impossible, but attend. - -'My story,' said I, to the unsuspecting girl, 'is long and lamentable, -and I fear, I have not spirits to relate it. I shall merely tell you, -that I yesterday eloped with the younger of the gentlemen who were here -this morning, and married him. I was induced to take this step, in -consequence of my parents having insisted that I should marry my first -cousin; who, by the by, is a namesake of your William's. Now, Mary, I -have a favour to beg of you. My cousin William must be made acquainted -with my marriage; though I mean to keep it a secret from my family, and -as I do not wish to tell him such unhappy tidings in my own -hand-writing--and in high life, my fair rustic, young ladies must not -write to young gentlemen, your taking the trouble to write out the -letter for me, would bind me to you for ever.' - -'That I will, and welcome,' said the simple girl; 'only Ma'am, I fear I -shall disgrace a lady like you, with my bad writing. I am, out and out, -the worst scribbler in our family; and William says to me but -yesterday, ah, Mary, says he, if your tongue talked as your pen writes, -you might die an old maid for me. Ah, William, says I, I would bite off -my tongue sooner than die an old maid. So, to be sure, Willy laughed -very hearty.' - -We then returned home, and retired to my chamber, where I dictated, and -Mary wrote as follows: - - 'Dear William, - - 'Prepare your mind for receiving a great and unexpected shock. To - keep you no longer in suspense, learn that I am MARRIED. - - 'Before I had become acquainted with you, I was attached to another - man, whose name I must beg leave to conceal. About a year since, - circumstances compelled him to go abroad, and before his departure, - he procured a written promise from me, to marry him on the first - day of his return. You then came, and succeeded in rivalling him. - - 'As he never once wrote, after he had left the country, I concluded - that he was dead. Yesterday, however, a letter from him was put - into my hand, which announced his return, and appointed a private - interview. I went. He had a clergyman in waiting to join our hands. - I prayed, entreated, wept--all in vain. - - 'I BECAME HIS WIFE. - - 'O William, pity, but do not blame me. If you are a man of honour - and of feeling, never shew this letter, or tell its contents to one - living soul. Do not even speak to myself on the subject of it. - - 'You see I pay your own feelings the compliment of not signing the - name that I now bear. - - 'Adieu, dear William: adieu for ever.' - -We then returned to the sitting-room, and found William there. While we -were conversing, I took an opportunity to slip the letter, unperceived, -into his hand, and to bid him read it in some other place. He retired -with it, and we continued talking. But in about half an hour he hurried -into the room, with an agitated countenance; stopped opposite to Mary, -and looked at her earnestly. - -'William!' cried she, 'William! For shame then, don't frighten one so.' - -'No, Mary,' said he, 'I scorn to frighten you, or injure you either. I -believe I am above that. But no wonder my last look at you should be -frightful. There is your true-lover's knot--there is your hair--there -are your letters. So now, Mary, good-bye, and may you be for ever -happy, is what I pray Providence, from the bottom of my broken heart!' - -With these words, and a piteous glance of anguish, he rushed from the -room. - -Mary remained motionless a moment; then half rose, sat down, rose -again; and grew pale and red by turns. - -''Tis so--so laughable,' said she at length, while her quivering lip -refused the attempted smile. 'All my presents returned too. Sure--my -heavens!--Sure he cannot want to break off with me? Well, I have as -good a spirit as he, I believe. The base man; the cruel, cruel man!' -and she burst into a passion of tears. - -I tried to sooth her, but the more I said, the more she wept. She was -sure, she said, she was quite sure that he wanted to leave her; and -then she sobbed so piteously, that I was on the point of undeceiving -her; when, fortunately, we heard her father returning, and she ran into -her own room. He asked about her; I told him that she was not -well;--the old excuse of a fretting heroine; so the good man went to -her, and with some difficulty gained admittance. They have remained -together ever since. - -How delicious will be the happy denouement of this pathetic episode, -this dear novellette; and how sweetly will it read in my memoirs! - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XXIV - - -The night was so dark when I repaired to the casement, that I have been -trying to compose a description of it for you, in the style of the best -romances. But after having summoned to my mind all the black articles -of value that I can recollect--ebony, sables, palls, pitch, and even -coal, I find I have nothing better to say, than, simply, that it was a -dark night. - -Having opened the casement, I sat down at it, and repeated these lines -aloud. - - SONNET - - Now while within their wings each feather'd pair, - Hide their hush'd heads, thy visit, moon, renew, - Shake thy pale tresses down, irradiate air, - Earth, and the spicy flowers that scent the dew. - The lonely nightingale shall pipe to thee, - And I will moralize her minstrelsy. - - Ten thousand birds the sun resplendent sing, - One only warbles to the milder moon. - Thus for the great, how many wake the string, - Thus for the good, how few the lyre attune. - -As soon as I had finished the sonnet, a low and tremulous voice, close -to the casement, sung these words: - - SONG - - Haste, my love, and come away; - What is folly, what is sorrow? - 'Tis to turn from, joys to-day, - Tis to wait for cares to-morrow. - O'er the river, - Aspens shiver - Thus I tremble at delay. - Light discovers, - Vowing lovers: - See the stars with sharpened ray, - Gathering thicker, - Glancing quicker; - Haste, my love, and come away. - -I sat enraptured, and heaved a sigh. - -'Enchanting sigh!' cried the singer, as he sprang through the window; -but it was not the voice of Stuart. - -I screamed loudly. - -'Hush!' cried the mysterious unknown, and advanced towards me; when, to -my great relief, the door was thrown open, and the old peasant entered, -with Mary behind him, holding a candle. - -In the middle of the room, stood a man, clad in a black cloak, with -black feathers in his hat, and a black mask on his face. - -The peasant, pale as death, ran forward, knocked him to the ground, and -seized a pistol and carving-knife, that were stuck in a belt about his -waist. - -'Unmask him!' cried I. - -The peasant, kneeling on his body, tore off the mask, and I -beheld--Betterton! - -'Alarm the neighbours, Mary!' cried the peasant. - -Mary put down the candle, and went out. - -'I must appear in an unfavourable light to you, my good man,' said this -terrifying character; 'but the young lady will inform you that I came -hither at her own request.' - -'For shame!' cried I. 'What a falsehood!' - -'Falsehood!' said he. 'I have your own letter, desiring me to come.' - -'The man is mad,' cried I. 'I never wrote him a letter.' - -'I can produce it to your face,' said he, pulling a paper from his -pocket, and to my great amazement reading these lines. - -'Cherubina begs that Betterton will repair to her window, at ten -o'clock to-night, disguised like an Italian assassin, with dagger, -cloak, and pistol. The signal is to be his singing an air under the -casement, which she will then open, and he may enter her chamber.' - -'I will take the most solemn oath,' cried I, 'that I never wrote a line -of it. But this unhappy wretch, who is a ruffian of the first -pretensions, has a base design upon me, and has followed me from -London, for the purpose of effecting it; so I suppose, he wrote the -letter himself, as an excuse, in case of discovery.' - -'Then he shall march to the magistrate's,' said the peasant, 'and I -will indict him for house-breaking!' - -A man half so frantic as Betterton I never beheld. He foamed, he -grinned, he grinded the remnants of his teeth; and swore that Stuart -was at the bottom of the whole plot. - -By this time, Mary having returned with two men, we set forward in a -body to the magistrate's, and delivered our depositions before him. I -swore that I did not write the letter, and that, to the best of my -belief, Betterton harboured bad designs against me. - -The peasant swore that he had found the culprit, armed with a knife and -pistol, in his house. - -The magistrate, therefore, notwithstanding all that Betterton could -say, committed him to prison without hesitation. - -As they were leading him away, he cast a furious look at the -magistrate, and said: - -'Ay, Sir, I suppose you are one of those pensioned justices, who -minister our vague and sanguinary laws, and do dark deeds for our -usurping oligarchy, that has assumed a power of making our most -innocent actions misdemeanours, of determining points of law without -appeal, of imprisoning our persons without trial, and of breaking open -our houses with the standing army. But nothing will go right till we -have a reform in Parliament--neither peace nor war, commerce nor -agriculture----' - -'Clocks nor watches, I suppose,' said the magistrate. - -'Ay, clocks nor watches,' cried Betterton, in a rage. 'For how can our -mechanics make any thing good, while a packed parliament deprives them -of money and a mart?' - -'So then,' said the magistrate, 'if St. Dunstan's clock is out of -order, 'tis owing to the want of a reform in Parliament.' - -'I have not the most distant doubt of it,' cried Betterton. - -''Tis fair then,' said the magistrate, 'that the reformists should take -such a latitude as they do; for, probably, by their encouragement of -time-pieces, they will at last discover the longitude.' - -'No sneering, Sir,' cried Betterton. 'Now do your duty, as you call it, -and abide the consequence.' - -This gallant grey Lothario was then led off; and our party returned -home. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XXV - - -I rose early this morning, and repaired to my favourite willow, to -contemplate the placid landscape. Flinging myself on the grass, close -to the brook, I began to warble a rustic madrigal. I then let down my -length of tresses, and, stooping over the streamlet, laved them in the -little urn of the dimpling Naiad. - -This, you know, was agreeable enough, but the accident that befel me -was not. For, leaning too much over, I lost my balance, and rolled -headlong into the middle of the rivulet. As it was shallow, I did not -fear being drowned, but as I was a heroine, I hoped to be rescued. -Therefore, instead of rising, as I might easily have done, there I lay, -shrieking and listening, and now and then lifting up my head, in hopes -to see Stuart come flying towards me on the wings of the wind, Oh no! -my gentleman thought proper to make himself scarce; so dripping, -shivering, and indignant, I scrambled out, and bent my steps towards -the cottage. - -On turning the corner of the hedge, who should I perceive at the door, -but the hopeful youth himself, quite at his ease, and blowing a penny -trumpet for a chubby boy. - -'What has happened to you?' said he, seeing me so wet. - -'Only that I fell into the brook,' answered I, 'and was under the -disagreeable necessity of saving my own life, when I expected that you -would have condescended to take the trouble off my hands.' - -'Expected!' cried he. 'Surely you had no reason for supposing that I -was so near to you, as even to have witnessed the disaster.' - -'And it is, therefore,' retorted I, 'that you ought to have been so -near me as to have witnessed it.' - -'You deal in riddles,' said he. - -'Not at all,' answered I. 'For the farther off a distrest heroine -believes a hero, the nearer he is sure to be. Only let her have good -grounds for supposing him at her Antipodes, and nine times out of ten -she finds him at her elbow.' - -'Well,' said he, laughing, 'though I did not save your life, I will not -endanger it, by detaining you in your wet dress. Pray hasten to change -it.' - -I took his advice, and borrowed some clothes from Mary, while mine were -put to the fire. After breakfast, I once more equipped myself in my -Tuscan costume, and a carriage being ready for us, I took an -affectionate leave of that interesting rustic. Poor girl! Her attempts -at cheerfulness all the morning were truly tragical; and, absorbed in -another sorrow, she felt but little for my departure. - -On our way, Stuart confessed that he was the person who wrote the -letter to Betterton in my name; and that he did so for the purpose of -entrapping him in such a manner as to prevent him from accompanying me -farther. He was at the window during the whole scene; as he meant to -have seized Betterton himself, had not the peasant done so. - -'You will excuse my thus interfering in your concerns,' added he; 'but -gratitude demands of me to protect the daughter of my guardian; and -friendship for her improves the duty to a pleasure.' - -'Ah!' said I, 'however it has happened, I fear you dislike me -strangely.' - -'Believe me, you mistake,' answered he. 'With a few foibles (which are -themselves as fascinating as foibles can be), you possess many virtues; -and, let me add, a thousand attractions. I who tell you blunt truths, -may well afford you flattery.' - -'Flattery,' said I, pleased by his praises, and willing to please him -in return by serious conversation, 'deserves censure only when the -motive for using it is mean or vicious.' - -'Your remark is a just one,' observed he. 'Flattery is often but the -hyperbole of friendship; and even though a compliment itself may not be -sincere, our motive for paying it may be good. Flattery, so far from -injuring, may sometimes benefit the object of it; for it is possible to -create a virtue in others, by persuading them that they possess it.' - -'Besides,' said I, 'may we not pay a compliment, without intending that -it should be believed; but merely to make ourselves agreeable by an -effort of the wit? And since such an effort shews that we consider the -person flattered worthy of it, the compliment proves a kind intention -at least, and thus tends to cement affection and friendship.' - -In this manner Stuart insensibly led me to talk on grave topics; and we -continued a delightful conversation the remainder of the day. Sometimes -he seemed greatly gratified at my sprightly sallies, or serious -remarks; but never could I throw him off his guard, by the dangerous -softness of my manner. He now calls me the lovely visionary. - -Would you believe that this laughing, careless, unpathetic creature, is -a poet, and a poet of feeling, as the following lines will prove. But -whether he wrote them on a real or an imaginary being, I cannot, by any -art, extract from him. - - THE FAREWELL - - Go, gentle muse, 'tis near the gloomy day, - Long dreaded; go, and say farewell for me; - A sad farewell to her who deigned thee, say, - For far she hastens hence. Ah, hard decree! - - Tell her I feel that at the parting hour, - More than the waves will heave in tumult wild: - More than the skies will threat a gushing shower, - More than the breeze will breathe a murmur mild. - - Say that her influence flies not with her form, - That distant she will still engage my mind: - That suns are most remote when most they warm, - That flying Parthians scatter darts behind. - - Long will I gaze upon her vacant home, - As the bird lingers near its pilfered nest, - There, will I cry, she turned the studious tome; - There sported, there her envied pet caressed. - - There, while she plied accomplished works of art, - I saw her form, inclined with Sapphic grace; - Her radiant eyes, blest emblems of her heart, - And all the living treasures of her face. - - The Parian forehead parting clustered hair, - The cheek of peachy tinct, the meaning brow; - The witching archness, and the grace so rare, - So magical, it charmed I knew not how. - - Light was her footstep as the silent flakes - Of falling snow; her smile was blithe as morn; - Her dimple, like the print the berry makes, - In some smooth lake, when dropping from the thorn. - - To snatch her passing accents as she spoke, - To see her slender hand, (that future prize) - Fling back a ringlet, oft I dared provoke, - The gentle vengeance of averted eyes. - - Yet ah, what wonder, if, when shrinking awe - Withheld me from her sight, I broke my chain? - Or when I made a single glance my law, - What wonder if that law were made in vain? - - And say, can nought but converse love inspire? - What tho' for me her lips have never moved? - The vale that speaks but with its feathered choir, - When long beheld, eternally is loved. - - Go then, my muse, 'tis near the gloomy day - Of parting; go, and say farewell for me; - A sad farewell to her who deigned thee, say, - Whate'er engage her, wheresoe'er she be. - - If slumbering, tell her in my dreams she sways, - If speaking, tell her in my words she glows; - If thoughtful, tell her in my thoughts she strays, - If tuneful, tell her in my song she flows. - - Tell her that soon my dreams unblest will prove; - That soon my words on absent charms will dwell; - That soon my thoughts remembered hours will love; - That soon my song of vain regrets will tell. - - Then, in romantic moments, I will frame, - Some scene ideal, where we meet at last; - Where, by my peril, snatched from wreck or flame, - She smiles reward and talks of all the past. - - Now for the lark she flies my wistful lay. - Ah, could the bard some winged warbler be, - Following her form, no longer would he say, - Go, gentle muse, and bid farewell for me. - -I write from an inn within a mile of Lady Gwyn's. Another hour and my -fate is decided. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XXVI - - -At length, with a throbbing heart, I now, for the first time, beheld -the mansion of my revered ancestors--the present abode of Lady Gwyn. -That unfortunate usurper of my rights was not denied to me; so I -alighted; and though Stuart wished much to be present at the interview, -I would not permit him; but was ushered by the footman into the -sitting-room. - -I entered with erect, yet gentle majesty; while my Tuscan habit, which -was soiled and shrivelled by the brook, gave me an air of complicated -distress. - -I found her ladyship at a table, classifying fossils. She was tall and -thin, and bore the remains of beauty; but I could not discover the -family face. - -She looked at me with some surprise; smiled, and begged to know my -business. - -'It is a business,' said I, 'of the most vital importance to your -ladyship's honour and repose; and I lament that an imperious necessity -compels me to the invidious task of acquainting you with it. Could -anything add to the painful nature of my feelings, it would be to find -that I had wounded yours.' - -'Your preamble alarms me,' said she. 'Do, pray be explicit.' - -'I must begin,' said I, 'with declaring my perfect conviction of your -ignorance, that any person is existing, who has a right to the property -which your ladyship at present possesses.' - -'Assuredly such a notion never entered my head,' said she, 'and indeed, -were such a claim made, I should consider it as utterly untenable--in -fact, impossible.' - -'I regret,' said I, 'that it is undeniable. There are documents extant, -and witnesses living, to prove it beyond all refutation.' - -Her ladyship, I thought, changed colour, as she said: - -'This is strange; but I cannot believe it. Who would have the face to -set up such a silly claim?' - -'I am so unfortunate as to have that face,' answered I, in a tone of -the most touching humility. - -'You!' she cried with amazement. 'You!' - -'Pardon me the pain I give you,' said I, 'but such is the fact; and -grating as this interview must be to the feelings of both parties, I do -assure you, that I have sought it, solely to prevent the more -disagreeable process of a law-suit.' - -'You are welcome to twenty law-suits, if you wish them,' cried she, -'but I fancy they will not deprive me of my property.' - -'At least,' said I, 'they may be the means of sullying the character of -your deceased lord.' - -'I defy the whole world,' cried she, 'to affix the slightest imputation -on his character.' - -'Surely,' said I, 'you cannot pretend ignorance of the fact, that his -lordship had the character of being--I trust, more from misfortune, -than from inherent depravity; for your ladyship well knows that man, -frail man, in a moment of temptation, perpetrates atrocities, which his -better heart afterwards disowns.' - -'But his character!' cried she. 'What of his character?' - -'Ah!' said I, 'your ladyship will not compel me to mention.' - -'You have advanced too far to retreat,' cried she. 'I demand an -unequivocal explanation. What of his character?' - -'Well, since I must speak plain,' replied I, 'it was that of -an--assassin!' - -'Merciful powers!' said she, in a faint voice, and reddening violently. -'What does the horrid woman mean?' - -'I have at this moment,' cried I, 'a person ready to make oath, that -your unhappy husband bribed a servant of my father's to murder me, -while yet an infant, in cold blood.' - -''Tis a falsehood!' cried she. 'I would stake my life on its being a -vile, malicious, diabolical falsehood.' - -'Would it were!' said I, 'but oh! Lady Gwyn, the circumstances, the -dreadful circumstances--these cannot be contradicted. It was -midnight;--the bones of my noble father had just been deposited in the -grave;--when a tall figure, wrapt in a dark cloak, and armed with a -dagger, stood before the seneschal. _It was the late Lord Gwyn!_' - -'Who are you?' cried she, starting up quite pale and horror-struck. 'In -the name of all that is dreadful, who can you be?' - -'Your own niece!' said I, meekly kneeling to receive her -blessing--'Lady Cherubina De Willoughby, the daughter of your -ladyship's deceased brother, Lord De Willoughby, and of his much -injured wife, the Lady Hysterica Belamour!' - -'Never heard of such persons in all my life!' cried she, ringing the -bell furiously. - -'Pray,' said I, 'be calm. Act with dignity in this affair. Do not -disgrace our family. On my honour, I mean to treat you with kindness. -Nay, we must positively be on terms of friendship--I make it a point. -After all, what is rank? what are riches? How vapid their charms, -compared with the heartfelt joys of truth and virtue! O, Lady Gwyn, O, -my respected aunt; I conjure you by our common ties of blood, by your -brother, who was my father, spurn the perilous toy, fortune, and retire -in time, and without exposing your lost lord, into the peaceful bosom -of obscurity!' - -'Conduct this wretch out of the house,' said her ladyship to the -servant who had entered. 'She wants to extort money from me, I -believe.' - -'A moment more,' cried I. 'Where is old Eftsoones? Where is that worthy -character?' - -'I know no such person,' said she. 'Begone, impostor!' - -At the word impostor, I smiled; drew aside my ringlets with one hand, -and pointed to my inestimable mole with the other. - -'Am I an impostor now?' cried I. 'But learn, unfortunate woman, that I -have a certain parchment too.'---- - -'And a great deal of insolence too,' said she. - -'The resemblance of it, at least,' cried I, 'for I have your ladyship's -portrait.' - -'My portrait!' said she with a sneer. - -'As sure as your name is Nell Gwyn,' cried I; 'for Nell Gwyn is written -under it; and let me add, that you would have consulted both your own -taste, and the dignity of our house better, had you got it written -Eleanor instead of Nell.' - -'You little impertinent reprobate!' exclaimed she, feeling the peculiar -poignancy of the sarcasm. 'Begone this moment, or I will have you -drummed through the village!' - -I waved my hand in token of high disdain, and vanished. - -'Well,' said Stuart, as I got to the carriage, 'has her ladyship -acknowledged your claims?' - -'No, truly,' cried I, 'but she has turned me out of my own house--think -of that!' - -'Then,' said he, springing from the chaise, 'I will try whether I -cannot succeed better with her ladyship;' and he went into the house. - -I remained in a state of the greatest perturbation till he came back. - -'Good news!' cried he. 'Her ladyship wishes to see you, and apologize -for her rudeness; and I fancy,' added he, with a significant nod, 'all -will go well in a certain affair.' - -'Yes, yes,' said I, nodding in return, 'I flatter myself she now finds -civility the best of her game.' - -I then alighted, and her ladyship ran forward to meet me. She pressed -my hand, _my-deared_ me twice in a breath, told me that Stuart had -given her my little history--that it was delicious--elegant--exotic; -and concluded with declaring, that I must remain at her house a few -days, to talk over the great object of my visit. - -Much as I mistrusted this sudden alteration in her conduct, I consented -to spend a short time with her, on the principle, that heroines always -contrive to get under the same roof with their bitterest enemies. - -Stuart appeared quite delighted at my determination, and after another -private interview with her ladyship, set off for London, to make -further inquiries about Wilkinson. I am, however, resolved not to -release that mischievous farmer, till I have secured my title and -estate. You see I am grown quite sharp. - -Her ladyship and I had then a long conversation, and she fairly -confessed the probability that my claims are just, but denied all -knowledge of old Eftsoones. I now begin to think rather better of her. -She has the sweetest temper in the world, loves literature and -perroquets, scrapes mezzotintos, and spends half her income in buying -any thing that is hardly to be had. She led me through her cabinet, -which contains the most curious assortment in nature--vases of onyx and -sardonyx, cameos and intaglios; subjects in sea-horse teeth, by -Fiamingo and Benvenuto Cellini; and antique gems in jadestone, mochoa, -coral, amber, and Turkish agate. - -She has already presented me with several dresses, and she calls me -her lovely _protégée_, and the Lady Cherubina,--a sound that makes my -very heart leap within me. Nay, she did me the honour of assuring me, -that her curiosity to know a real heroine was one motive for her -having asked me on this visit; and that she positively considers an -hour with me worth all her curiosities put together. What a delicate -compliment! So could I do less, in return, than repeat my assurances, -that when I succeed in dispossessing her of the property, she shall -never want an asylum in my house. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XXVII - - -Think of its having never once struck me, till I had retired for the -night, that I might be murdered! How so manifest a danger escaped my -recollection, is inconceivable; but so it was, I never thought of it. -Lady Gwyn might be (for any thing I could tell to the contrary) just as -capable of plotting an assassination as the Marchesa di Vivaldi; and -surely her motives were far more urgent. - -I therefore searched in my chamber, for some trap-door, or sliding -pannel, by which assassins might enter it; but I could find none. I -then resolved on exploring the galleries, corridors, and suites of -apartments, in this immense mansion; in hopes to discover some place of -retreat, or at least some mystery relative to my birth. - -Accordingly, at the celebrated hour of midnight, I took up the taper, -and unbolting my door, stole softly along the lobby. - -I stopped before one of our family pictures. It was of a lady, pale, -pensive, and interesting; and whose eyes, which appeared to look at me, -were sky-blue, like my own. That was sufficient. - -'Gentle image of my departed mother!' ejaculated I, kneeling before it, -'may thy sacred ashes repose in peace!' - -I then faintly chaunted a fragment of a hymn, and advanced. No sigh met -my listening ear, no moan amidst the pauses of the gust. - -With a trembling hand I opened a door, and found myself in a spacious -chamber. It was magnificently furnished, and a piano stood in one -corner of it. Intending to run my fingers over the keys, I walked -forward; till a low rustling in that direction made me pause. But how -shall I paint to you my horror, my dismay, when I heard the mysterious -instrument on a sudden begin to sound; not loudly, but (more terrible -still!) with a hurried murmur; as if all its chords were agitated at -once, by the hand of some invisible demon. - -I did not faint, I did not shriek; but I stood transfixed to the spot. -The music ceased. I recovered courage and advanced. The music began -again; and again I paused. - -What! should I not lift the simple lid of a mere piano, after Emily's -having drawn aside the mysterious veil, and discovered the terrific wax -doll underneath it? - -Emulation, enthusiasm, curiosity prompted me, and I rushed undaunted to -the piano. Louder and more rapid grew the notes--my desperate hand -raised the cover, and beneath it, I beheld a sight to me the most -hideous and fearful upon earth,--a mouse! - -I screamed and dropped the candle, which was instantly extinguished. -The mouse ran by me; I flew towards the door, but missed it, and fell -against a table; nor was it till after I had made much clamour, that I -got out of the room. As I groped my way through the corridor, I heard -voices and people in confusion above stairs; and presently lights -appeared. The whole house was in a tumult. - -'They are coming to murder me at last!' cried I, as I regained my -chamber, and began heaping chairs and tables against the door. -Presently several persons arrived at it, and called my name. I said not -a word. They called louder, but still I was silent; till at length they -burst open the door, and Lady Gwyn, with some of her domestics, -entered. They found me kneeling in an attitude of supplication. - -'Spare, oh, spare me!' cried I. - -'My dear,' said her ladyship, 'no harm shall happen you.' - -'Alas, then,' exclaimed I, 'what portends this nocturnal visit? this -assault on my chamber? all these dreadful faces? Was it not enough, -unhappy woman, that thy husband attempted my life, but must thou, too, -thirst for my blood?' - -Lady Gwyn whispered a servant, who left the room; the rest raised, and -put me to bed; while I read her ladyship such a lecture on murder, as -absolutely astonished her. - -The servant soon after returned with a cup. - -'Here, my love,' said her ladyship, 'is a composing draught for you. -Drink it, and you will be quite well to-morrow.' - -I took it with gladness, for I felt my brain strangely bewildered by -the terror that I had just undergone. Indeed I have sometimes -experienced the same sensation before, and it is extremely -disagreeable. - -They then left a candle in my room, and departed. - -My mind still remains uneasy; but I have barricaded the door, and am -determined on not undressing. I believe, however, I must now throw -myself on the bed; for the draught has made me sleepy. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XXVIII - - -O Biddy Grimes, I am poisoned! That fatal draught last night--why did I -drink it?--I am in dreadful agony. When this reaches you, all will be -over.--But I would not die without letting you know. - -Farewell for ever, my poor Biddy! - -I bequeath you all my ornaments. - - - - -LETTER XXIX - - -Yes, my friend, you may well stare at receiving another letter from me; -and at hearing that I have not been poisoned in the least! - -I must unfold the mystery. When I woke this morning, after my nocturnal -perambulation, I found my limbs so stiff, and such pains in all my -bones, that I was almost unable to move. Judge of my horror and -despair; for it instantly flashed across my mind, that Lady Gwyn had -poisoned me! My whole frame underwent a sudden revulsion; I grew sick, -and rang the bell with violence; nor ceased an instant, till half the -servants, and Lady Gwyn herself, had burst into my chamber. - -'If you have a remnant of mercy left,' cried I, 'send for a doctor!' - -'What is the matter, my dear,' said her ladyship. - -'Only that you have poisoned me, my dear,' cried I. 'Dear, indeed! I -presume your ladyship imagines, that the liberty you have taken with my -life, authorizes all other freedoms. Oh, what will become of me!' - -'Do, tell me,' said she, 'how are you unwell?' - -'I am sick to death,' cried I. 'I have pains in all my limbs, and I -shall be a corpse in half an hour. Oh, indeed, you have done the -business completely. Lady Eleanor Gwyn, I do here, on my death-bed, and -with all my senses about me, accuse you, before your domestics, of -having administered a deadly potion to me last night.' - -'Go for the physician,' said her ladyship to a servant. - -'Well may you feel alarmed,' cried I. 'Your life will pay the forfeit -of mine.' - -'But you need not feel alarmed,' said her ladyship, 'for really, what I -gave you last night, was merely to make you sleep.' - -'Yes,' cried I, 'the sleep of the grave! O Lady Gwyn, what have I done -to you, to deserve death at your hands? And in such a manner too! Had -you even shewn so much regard to custom and common decency, as to have -offered me the potion in a bowl or a goblet, there might have been some -little palliation. But to add insult to injury;--to trick me out of my -life with a paltry tea-cup;--to poison a girl of my pretensions, as -vulgarly as you would a rat;--no, no, Madam, this is not to be -pardoned!' - -Her ladyship again began assuring me that I had taken nothing more than -a soporific; but I would not hear her, and at length, I sent her and -the domestics out of the chamber, that I might prepare for my -approaching end. - -How to prepare was the question; for I had never thought of death -seriously, heroines so seldom die. Should I follow the beautiful -precedent of the dying Heloise, who called her friends about her, got -her chamber sprinkled with flowers and perfumes, and then gave up the -ghost, in a state of elegant inebriation with home-made wine, which she -passed for Spanish? Alas! I had no friends--not even Stuart, at hand; -flowers and perfumes I would not condescend to beg from my murderess; -and as for wine, I could not abide the thoughts of it in a morning. - -But amidst these reflections, a more serious and less agreeable subject -intruded itself upon me,--the thoughts of a future state. I strove to -banish it, but it would not be repulsed. Yet surely, said I, as a -heroine, I am a pattern of perfect virtue; and therefore, I must be -happy hereafter. But was virtue sufficient? At church (seldom as I had -frequented it, in consequence of its sober ceremonies, so unsuited to -my taste,) I remembered to have heard a very different doctrine. There -I had heard, that we cannot learn to do right without the Divine aid, -and that to propitiate it, we must make ourselves acquainted with those -principles of religion, which enable us to prefer duteous prayers, and -to place implicit reliance on the power and goodness of the Deity. -Alas, I knew nothing of religion, except from novels; and in these, -though the devotion of heroines is sentimental and graceful to a -degree, it never influences their acts, or appears connected with their -moral duties. It is so speculative and generalized, that it would -answer the Greek or the Persian church, as well as the christian; and -none but the picturesque and enthusiastic part is presented; such as -kissing a cross, chanting a vesper with elevated eyes, or composing a -well-worded prayer. - -The more I thought, the more horrible appeared my situation. I felt a -confused idea, that I had led a worthless, if not a criminal life; that -I had left myself without a friend in this world, and had not sought to -make one in the next. I became more and more agitated. I tried to turn -my thoughts back to the plan of expiring with grace, but all in vain. I -then wrote the note to you; then endeavoured to pray: nothing could -calm or divert my mind. The pains grew worse, I felt sick at heart, my -palate was parched, and I now expected that every breath would be my -last. My soul recoiled from the thought, and my brain became a confused -chaos. Hideous visions of eternity rushed into my mind; I lay -shivering, groaning, and abandoned to the most deplorable despair. - -In this state the physician found me. O what a joyful relief, when he -declared, that my disorder was nothing but a violent rheumatism, -contracted, it seems, by my fall into the water the morning before! -Never was transport equal to mine; and I assured him that he should -have a place in my memoirs. - -He prescribed for me; but remarked, that I might remain ill a whole -month, or be quite well in a few days. - -'Positively,' said her ladyship, 'you must be quite well in four; for -then my ball comes on; and I mean to make you the most conspicuous -figure at it. I have great plans for you, I assure you.' - -I thanked her ladyship, and begged pardon for having been so giddy as -to call her a murderess; while she laughed at my mistake, and made -quite light of it. Noble woman! But I dare say magnanimity is our -family virtue. - -No sooner had I ceased to be miserable about leaving the world, than I -became almost as much so about losing the ball. To lose it from any -cause whatever, was sufficiently provoking; but to lose it by so gross -a disorder as a rheumatism, was, indeed, dreadful. Now, had I even some -pale, genteel, sofa-reclining illness, curable by hartshorn, I would -bless my kind stars, and drink that nauseous cordial, from morning even -unto night. For disguise thyself as thou wilt, hartshorn, still thou -art a bitter draught; and though heroines in all novels have been made -to drink of thee, thou art no less bitter on that account. - -Being on this subject, I have to lament, that I am utterly unacquainted -with those refined ailments, which every girl that I read of, meets -with, as things of course. The consequence is my wanting that beauty, -which, touched with the languid delicacy of illness, gains from -sentiment what it loses in bloom; so that really this horse's -constitution of mine is a terrible disadvantage to me. I know, had I -the power of inventing my own indispositions, I would strike out -something far beyond even the hectics and head-aches of my fair -predecessors. I believe there is not a sigh-fever; but I would fall ill -of a scald from a lover's tear, or a classic scratch from the thorn of -a rose. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XXX - - -This morning I awoke almost free from pain; and towards evening, I was -able to appear in the drawing-room. Lady Gwyn had asked several of her -friends to tea, so that I passed a delightful afternoon; the charm, -admiration, and astonishment of all. - -On retiring for the night to my chamber, I found this note on my -toilette, and read it with a beating heart. - - _To the Lady Cherubina._ - - 'YOUR MOTHER LIVES! and is confined in one of the subterranean - vaults belonging to the villa. At midnight you will hear a tapping - at your door. Open it, and two men in masks will appear outside. - They will blindfold, and conduct you to her. You will know her by - her striking likeness to her picture in the gallery. Be silent, - courageous, and circumspect. - - 'AN UNKNOWN FRIEND.' - -What a flood of new feelings gushed upon my soul, as I laid down the -billet, and lifted my filial eyes to heaven! I was about to behold my -mother. Mother--endearing name! I pictured to myself, that unfortunate -lady, stretched on a mattrass of straw, her eyes sunken in their -sockets, yet still retaining a portion of their wonted fire; her frame -emaciated, her voice feeble, her hand damp and chill. Fondly did I -depict our meeting--our embrace; she gently pushing me from her, to -gaze on all the lineaments of my countenance, and then baring my temple -to search for the mole. All, all is convincing; and she calls me the -softened image of my noble father! - -Two tedious hours I waited in extreme anxiety, till at length the clock -struck twelve. My heart beat responsive, and in a few moments after, I -heard the promised signal at my door. I unbolted it, and beheld two men -in masks and cloaks. They blindfolded me, and each taking an arm, led -me along. Not a word passed. We traversed several suites of apartments, -ascended flights of stairs, descended others; now went this way, now -that; obliquely, circularly, angularly; till I began actually to -imagine we were all the time in one spot. - -At length my conductors stopped. - -'Unlock the postern gate,' whispered one, 'while I light a torch.' - -'We are betrayed!' said the other, 'for this is the wrong key.' - -'Then thou beest the traitor,' cried the first. - -'Thou liest, dost lie, and art lying!' cried the second. - -'Take that!' exclaimed the first. A groan followed, and the wretch -dropped to the ground. - -'You have murdered him!' cried I, sickening with horror. - -'I have only hamstrung him, my lady,' said the fellow. 'He will be lame -for life.' - -'Treason!' shouted the wounded man. - -His companion burst open the gate; a sudden current of wind met us, and -we fled along with incredible speed, while low moans and smothered -shrieks were heard at either side of us. - -'Gracious heaven, where are we?' cried I. - -'In the cavern of death!' said my conductor, 'famous for rats and -banditti.' - -On a sudden innumerable footsteps echoed behind us. We ran swifter. - -'Fire!' cried a ferocious accent, almost at my ear; and in a moment -several pistols were discharged. - -I stopped, unable to move, breathe, or speak. - -'I am wounded all over, right and left, fore and aft!' cried my -conductor. - -'Am I bleeding?' said I, feeling myself with my hands. - -'No, blessed St. Anthony be praised!' answered he; 'and now all is -safe, for we are at the cell, and the banditti have turned into the -wrong passage.' - -He stopped, and unlocked a door. - -'Enter,' said he, 'and behold your unhappy mother!' - -He led me forward, took the bandage from my eyes, and retiring, locked -the door upon me. - -Agitated already by the terrors of my dangerous expedition, I felt -additional horror on finding myself in a dismal cell, lighted with a -lantern; where, at a small table, sat a woman suffering under a -corpulency unparalleled in the memoirs of human monsters. She was clad -in sackcloth, her head was swathed in linen, and had grey locks on it, -like horses' tails. Hundreds of frogs were leaping about the floor; a -piece of mouldy bread, a mug of water, and a manuscript, lay on the -table; some straw, strewn with dead snakes and skulls, occupied one -corner, and the farther side of the cell was concealed behind a black -curtain. - -I stood at the door, doubtful, and afraid to advance; while the -prodigious prisoner sat examining me from head to foot. - -At last I summoned courage to say, 'I fear, Madam, I am an intruder -here. I have certainly been shewn into the wrong room.' - -'It is, it is my own, my only daughter, my Cherubina!' cried she, with -a tremendous voice. 'Come to my maternal arms, thou living picture of -the departed Theodore!' - -'Why, Ma'am,' said I, 'I would with great pleasure, but I am afraid -that---- Oh, Madam, indeed, indeed, I am quite sure you cannot be my -mother!' - -'For shame!' cried she. 'Why not?' - -'Why, Madam,' answered I, 'my mother was of a thin habit; as her -picture proves.' - -'And so was I once,' said she. 'This deplorable plumpness is owing to -want of exercise. You see, however, that I retain all my former -paleness.' - -'Pardon me,' said I, 'for I must say that your face is a rich scarlet.' - -'And is this our tender meeting?' cried she. 'After ten years' -imprisonment, to be disowned by my daughter, and taunted with sarcastic -insinuations against my face? Here is a pretty joke! Tell me, girl, -will you embrace me, or will you not?' - -'Indeed, Madam,' answered I, 'I will embrace you presently.' - -'Presently!' cried she. - -'Yes,' said I, 'depend upon it I will. Only let me get over the first -shock.' - -'Shock!' vociferated she. - -Dreading her violence, and feeling myself bound to do the duties of a -daughter, I kneeled at her feet, and said: - -'Ever excellent, ever exalted author of my being, I beg thy maternal -blessing!' - -My mother raised me from the ground, and hugged me to her heart, with -such cruel vigour, that almost crushed, I cried out stoutly, and -struggled for release. - -'And now,' said she, relaxing her grasp, 'let us talk over our wrongs. -This manuscript is a faithful narrative of my life, previous to my -marriage. It was written by my female confidant, to divert her grief, -during the long and alarming illness of her Dutch pug. Take it to your -chamber, and blot it with your tears, my love.' - -I put the scroll in my bosom. - -'Need I shock your gentle feelings,' continued she, 'by relating my -subsequent story? Suffice it, that as soon as you were stolen, I went -mad about the woods, till I was caught; and on recovering my senses, I -found myself in this infernal dungeon. Look at that calendar of small -sticks, notched all over with my dismal days and nights. Ten long years -I have eaten nothing but bread. Oh, ye favourite pullets, oh ye -inimitable apple-pies, shall I never, never, taste you more? Oft too, -my reason wanders. Oft I see figures that rise like furies, to torment -me. I see them when asleep; I see them now--now!' - -She sat in a fixed attitude of horror, while her straining eyes moved -slowly round, as if they followed something. I stood shuddering, and -hating her more and more every moment. - -'Gentle companion of my confinement!' cried she, apostrophizing a huge -toad that she pulled out of her bosom; 'dear, spotted fondling; thou, -next to my Cherubina, art worthy of my love. Embrace each other, my -friends.' And she put the hideous pet into my hand. I screamed and -dropped it. - -'Oh!' cried I, in a passion of despair, 'what madness possessed me to -undertake this execrable enterprize!' and I began beating with my hand -against the door. - -'Do you want to leave your poor mother?' said she, in a whimpering -tone. - -'Oh! I am so frightened!' said I. - -'You will spend the night here, however,' cried she; 'and probably your -whole life too; for no doubt the ruffian who brought you hither was -employed by Lady Gwyn to entrap you.' - -When I heard this terrible suggestion, my blood ran cold, and I began -crying bitterly. - -'Come, my love!' said my mother, 'and let me lull thee to repose on my -soft bosom. What is the world to us? Here in each other's society, we -will enjoy all that affection, all that virtue can confer. Come, my -daughter, and let me clasp thee to my heart once more!' - -'Ah,' cried I, 'spare me!' - -'What!' exclaimed she, 'do you spurn my proffered embrace?' - -'Dear, no, Madam,' answered I. 'But--but you squeeze one so!' - -My mother made a huge stride towards me; then stood groaning and -rolling her eyes. - -'Help!' cried I, half frantic; 'help! help!' - -I was stopped by a suppressed titter of infernal laughter, as if from -many demons; and on looking towards the black curtain, whence the sound -came, I saw it agitated; and about twenty terrific faces appeared -peeping through slits in it, and making grins of a most diabolical -nature. I hid my face in my hands. - -''Tis the banditti!' cried my mother. - -As she spoke, the door opened, a bandage was flung over my eyes, and I -was hurried off, almost senseless, in some one's arms; till at length, -I found myself alone in my own chamber. - -Such was the detestable adventure of to-night. Oh, Biddy, that I should -have lived to meet this mother of mine! How different from the mothers -that other heroines contrive to rummage out in northern turrets and -ruined chapels! I am out of all patience. Liberate her I will, of -course, and make a suitable provision for her, when I get possession of -my property, but positively, never will I sleep under the same roof -with--(ye powers of filial love forgive me!) such a living mountain of -human horror. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XXXI - - -While her ladyship is busied in preparing for the ball of to-morrow -night, I find time to copy my mother's memoirs for your perusal. Were -she herself elegant and interesting, perhaps I might think them so too; -and if I dislike them, it must be because I dislike her; for the plot, -sentiment, diction, and pictures of nature, differ little from what we -find in other novels. - - - - - _Il Castello di Grimgothico_, - - OR - - MEMOIRS OF LADY HYSTERICA BELAMOUR. - - A NOVEL. - - _By Anna Maria Marianne Matilda Pottingen_, - - Author of the Bloody Bodkin, Sonnets on most of the Planets, &c. - &c. &c. - - Oh, Sophonisba, Sophonisba, oh! - - THOMPSON. - - - - - CHAPTER I - - Blow, blow, thou wintry wind.--SHAKESPEARE. - - Blow, breezes, blow.--MOORE. - - A STORM.--A RUSTIC REPAST.--AN ALARM.--UNCOMMON READINESS IN A - CHILD.--AN INUNDATED STRANGER.--A CASTLE OUT OF REPAIR.--AN - IMPAIRED CHARACTER. - - - It was on a nocturnal night in autumnal October; the wet rain fell - in liquid quantities, and the thunder rolled in an awful and - Ossianly manner. The lowly, but peaceful inhabitants of a small, - but decent cottage, were just sitting down to their homely, but - wholesome supper, when a loud knocking at the door alarmed them. - Bertram armed himself with a ladle. 'Lackadaisy!' cried old - Margueritone, and little Billy seized the favourable moment to fill - his mouth with meat. Innocent fraud! happy childhood! - - The father's lustre and the mother's bloom.--THOMPSON. - - Bertram then opened the door; when lo! pale, breathless, dripping, - and with a look that would have shocked the Humane Society, a - beautiful female tottered into the room. - - 'Lackadaisy, Ma'am,' said Margueritone, 'are you wet?' - - 'Wet!' exclaimed the fair unknown, wringing a rivulet of rain from - the corner of her robe; 'O ye gods, wet!' - - Margueritone felt the justice, the gentleness of the reproof, and - turned the subject, by recommending a glass of spirits. - - Spirit of my sainted sire. - - The stranger sipped, shook her head, and fainted. Her hair was long - and dark, and the bed was ready; so since she seems in distress, we - will leave her there awhile; lest we should betray an ignorance of - the world, in appearing not to know the proper time for deserting - people. - - On the rocky summit of a beetling precipice, whose base was lashed - by the angry Atlantic, stood a moated, and turreted structure, - called Il Castello di Grimgothico. - - As the northern tower had remained uninhabited since the death of - its late lord, Henriques De Violenci, lights and figures were, - _par consequence_, observed in it at midnight. Besides, the - black eyebrows of the present baron had a habit of meeting for - several years, and _quelquefois_, he paced the picture-gallery - with a hurried step. These circumstances combined, there could be - no doubt of his having committed murder. Accordingly, all avoided - him, except the Count Stiletto, and the hectic, but heavenly - Hysterica. The former, he knew, was the most pale-faced, flagitious - character in the world. But birds of a plume associate. The latter - shall be presented to the reader in the next chapter. - - - - - CHAPTER II - - 'Oh!'--MILTON. - - 'Ah!'--POPE. - - A HISTORY.--A MYSTERY.--AN ORIGINAL REFLECTION ON DEATH.--THE - HEROINE DESCRIBED.--THE LANDSCAPE NOT DESCRIBED.--AN AWFUL REASON - GIVEN. - - - One evening, the Baroness De Violenci, having sprained her left leg - in the composition of an ecstatic ode, resolved not to go to Lady - Penthesilea Rouge's rout. While she was sitting alone, at a plate - of prawns, the footman entered with a basket, which had just been - left for her. - - 'Lay it down, John,' said she, touching his forehead with her fork. - - That gay-hearted young fellow did as he was desired, and capered - out of the room. - - Judge of her astonishment, when she found, on opening it, a little - cherub of a baby sleeping within. - - An oaken cross, with 'HYSTERICA,' inscribed in chalk, was appended - at its neck, and a mark, like a bruised gooseberry, added interest - to its elbow. - - As she and her lord never had children (at least she could answer - for herself), she determined, _sur le champ_, on adopting the - pretty Hysterica. - - Fifteen years did this worthy woman dedicate to the progress of her - little charge; and in that time, taught her every mortal - accomplishment. Her sigh, particularly, was esteemed the softest in - Europe. - - But the stroke of death is inevitable; come it must at last, and - neither virtue nor wisdom can avoid it. In a word, the good old - Baroness died, and our heroine fell senseless on her body. - - O what a fall was there, my countrymen! - - But it is now time to describe our heroine. As Milton tells us, - that Eve was '_more lovely than Pandora_' (an imaginary lady, - who never existed but in the brains of poets), so do we declare, - and are ready to stake our lives, that our heroine excelled in her - form the Timinitilidi, whom no man ever saw; and, in her voice, the - music of the spheres, which no man ever heard. Perhaps her face was - not perfect; but it was more--it was interesting--it was oval. Her - eyes were of the real, original old blue; and her eyelashes of the - best silk. You forget the thickness of her lips, in the casket of - pearls which they enshrined; and the roses of York and Lancaster - were united in her cheek. A nose of the Grecian order surmounted - the whole. Such was Hysterica. - - But alas! misfortunes are often gregarious, like sheep. For one - night, when our heroine had repaired to the chapel, intending to - drop her customary tear on the tomb of her sainted benefactress, - she heard on a sudden, - - Oh, horrid, horrible, and horridest horror! - - the distant organ peal a solemn voluntary. While she was preparing, - in much terror and astonishment, to accompany it with her voice, - four men in masks rushed from among some tombs, and bore her to a - carriage, which instantly drove off with the whole party. In vain - she sought to soften them by swoons, tears, and a simple little - ballad: they sat counting murders, and not minding her. - - As the blinds of the carriage were closed the whole way, we wave a - description of the country which they traversed. Besides, the - prospect within the carriage will occupy the reader enough; for in - one of the villains, Hysterica discovered--Count Stiletto! She - fainted. - - On the second day, the carriage stopped at an old castle, and she - was conveyed into a tapestried apartment, where the delicate - creature instantly fell ill of an inverted eyelash, caused by - continual weeping. She then drew upon the contemplation of future - sorrows, for a supply of that melancholy which her immediate - exigencies demanded. - - - - - CHAPTER III - - Be thou a spirit of health, or goblin - damn'd?--SHAKESPEARE. - - FRESH EMBARRASSMENTS.--AN INSULT FROM A SPECTRE.--GRAND - DISCOVERIES.--A SHRIEK.--A TEAR.--A SIGH.--A BLUSH.--A SWOON. - - - It is a remark founded upon the nature of man, and universally - credited by the thinking part of the world, that to suffer is an - attribute of mortality. - - Impressed with a due conviction of this important precept, our - heroine but smiled as she heard Stiletto lock her door. It was now - midnight, and she took up her lamp to examine the chamber. Rusty - daggers, mouldering bones, and ragged palls, lay scattered in all - the profusion of feudal plenty. - - Several horrors now made their appearance; but the most uncommon - was a winged eyeball that fluttered before her face. - - Say, little, foolish, fluttering thing? - - She began shrieking and adjusting her hair at a mirror, when lo! - she beheld the reflection of a ghastly visage peeping over her - shoulder! Much disconcerted, the trembling girl approached the bed. - An impertinent apparition, with a peculiar nose, stood there, and - made faces at her. She felt offended at the freedom, to say nothing - of her being half dead with fright. - - 'Is it not enough,' thought she, 'to be harassed by beings of this - world, but those of the next too must think proper to interfere? I - am sure,' said she, as she raised her voice in a taunting manner, - '_En verité_, I have no desire to meddle with _their_ affairs. - _Sur ma vie_, I have no taste for brim-stone. So let me just - advise a _certain_ inhabitant of a _certain_ world (not the - _best_, I believe,) to think less of _my_ concerns, and more of - _his own_.' - - Having thus asserted her dignity, without being too personal, she - walked to the casement in tears, and sang these simple lines, which - she graced with intermittent sobs. - - SONG - - Alas, well-a-day, woe to me, - Singing willow, willow, willow; - My lover is far, far at sea. - On a billow, billow, billow. - Ah, Theodore, would thou could'st be, - On my pillow, pillow, pillow! - - Here she heaved a deep sigh, when, to her utter astonishment, a - voice, as if from a chamber underneath; took up the tune with these - words: - - SONG - - Alas, well-a-day, woe to me, - Singing sorrow, sorrow, sorrow; - A ducat would soon make me free, - Could I borrow, borrow, borrow; - And then I would pillow with thee, - To-morrow, morrow, morrow! - - Was it?--It was!--Yes, it _was_ the voice of her love, her life, - her long-lost Theodore De Willoughby!!! How should she reach him? - Forty times she ran round and round her chamber, with agitated - eyes and distracted tresses. - - Here we must pause a moment, and express our surprise at the - negligence of the sylphs and sylphids, in permitting the ringlets - of heroines to be so frequently dishevelled. O ye fat-cheeked - little cherubims, who flap your innocent wings, and fly through - oceans of air in a minute, without having a hair of your heads - discomposed,--no wonder that such stiff ringlets should be made of - gold! - - At length Hysterica found a sliding pannel. She likewise found a - moth-eaten parchment, which she sat down to peruse. But, gentle - reader, imagine her emotions, on decyphering these wonderful words. - - MANUSCRIPT - - ---- Six tedious years ---- ---- and all for what? ---- ---- - ---- ---- ---- ---- No sun, no moon. ---- ---- Murd ---- ---- - Adul ---- ---- because I am the wife of Lord Belamour. ---- - ---- then tore me from him, and my little Hysterica ---- ---- - ---- ---- ---- Cruel Stiletto! ---- ---- He confesses that he - put the sleeping babe into a basket ---- ---- sent her to the - Baroness de Violenci ---- ---- oaken cross ---- ---- Chalk ---- - ---- bruised gooseberry ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- I am poisoned - ---- ---- a great pain across my back ---- ---- i ---- j ---- k - ---- ---- Oh! ---- Ah! ---- Oh! ---- ---- ---- ---- - - _Fascinante Peggina Belamour._ - - This then was the mother of our heroine; and the MS. elucidated, - beyond dispute, the mysteries which had hitherto hung over the - birth of that unfortunate orphan. - - We need not add that she fainted, recovered, passed through the - pannel, discovered the dungeon of her Theodore; and having asked - him how he did, - - 'Comment vous portez vous?' - - fell into unsophisticated hysterics. - - - - - CHAPTER IV - - Sure such a pair were never seen, - So justly formed to meet by nature.--SHERIDAN. - - A TENDER DIALOGUE.--AN INTERESTING FLIGHT.--A MISCHIEVOUS CLOUD. - --OUR HERO HITS UPON A SINGULAR EXPEDIENT.--FAILS.--TAKES A - TRIP TO THE METROPOLIS. - - - 'And is this you?' cried the delighted youth, as she revived. - - 'Indeed, indeed it is,' said she. - - 'Are you quite, quite sure?' cried he. - - 'Indeed, indeed I am,' said she. - - 'Well, how do you do?' cried he. - - 'Pretty well I thank you,' said she. - - They then separated, after fixing to meet again. - - One night, as they were indulging each other in innocent - endearments, and filling up each finer pause with lemonade, a - sudden thought struck Lord Theodore. - - 'Let us escape,' said he. - - 'Let us,' said she. - - 'Gods, what a thought was there!' - - They then contrived this ingenious mode of accomplishing their - object. In one of the galleries which lay between their chambers, - there was a window. Having opened it, they found that they had - nothing to do but get out at it. They therefore fled into the - neighbouring forest. - - Happy, happy, happy pair!--DRYDEN. - - But it is an incontrovertible truism, that _les genres humains_ - are liable to disaster; for in consequence of a cloud that - obscured the moon, Hysterica fell into a snow-pit. What could - Theodore do? To save her was impossible; to perish with her would - be suicide. In this emergency, he formed a bold project, and ran - two miles for assistance. But alas! on his return, not a trace of - her could be found. He was quite _au desespoir_; so, having called - her long enough, he called a chaise, and set off for London. - - - - - CHAPTER V - - 'Tis she!--POPE. - - O Vous!--TELEMACHUS. - - All hail!--MACBETH. - - AN EXTRAORDINARY RENCONTRE.--PATHETIC REPARTEES.--NATURAL - CONSEQUENCES RESULTING FROM AN EXCESS IN SPIRITUOUS LIQUORS. - --TERRIFIC NONSENSE TALKED BY TWO MANIACS. - - - One night as Lord Theodore, on his return from the theatre, was - passing along a dark alley, he perceived a candle lighting in a - small window, on the ground-floor of a deciduous hovel. - - An indescribable sensation, an unaccountable something, whispered - to him, in still, small accents, 'peep through the pane.' He did - so; but what were his emotions, when he beheld--whom? Why the very - young lady that he had left for dead in the forest--his - Hysterica!!! - - She was clearstarching in a dimity bedgown. - - He sleeked his eyebrows with his finger, then flung open the sash, - and stood before her. - - '_Ah, ma belle Amie!_' cried he. 'So I have caught you at last. I - really thought you were dead.' - - 'I am dead to love and to hope!' said she. - - 'O ye powers!' cried he, making a blow at his forehead. - - 'There are many kinds of powers,' said she carelessly: 'perhaps you - now mean the powers of impudence, Mr.--I beg pardon--Lord Theodore - De Willoughby, I believe.' - - 'I believe so,' retorted he, 'Mrs.--or rather Lady - Hys--Hys--Hys.'-- - - 'Hiss away, my lord!' exclaimed the sensitive girl, and fainted. - - Lord Theodore rushed at a bottle that stood on the dresser, and - poured half a pint of it into her mouth; but perceiving by the - colour that it was not water, he put it to his lips;--it was - brandy. In a paroxysm of despair he swallowed the contents; and at - the same moment Hysterica woke from her fainting-fit, in a high - delirium. - - 'What have you done to me?' stammered she. 'Oh! I am lost.' 'What!' - exclaimed the youth, who had also got a brain-fever; 'after my - preserving you in brandy?' 'I am happy to hear it,' lisped she; - 'and every thing round me seems to be happy, for every thing round - me seems to be dancing!' - - Both now began singing, with dreadful facetiousness; he, 'fill the - bowl,' and she, 'drink to me only.' - - At length they sang themselves asleep. - - - - - CHAPTER VI - - Take him for all in all, - We ne'er shall look upon his like again.--SHAKESPEARE. - - BIRTH, PARENTAGE, AND EDUCATION OF OUR HERO.--AN ASPIRING - PORTER.--ECLAIRCISSEMENT. - - - Lord Theodore De Willoughby was the son of Lord De Willoughby, of - De Willoughby Castle. After having graduated at Oxford, he took, - not alone a tour of the Orkney Islands, but an opportunity of - saving our heroine's life. Hence their mutual attachment. About the - same time, Count Stiletto had conceived a design against that poor - orphan; and dreading Lord Theodore as a rival, waylaid and - imprisoned him. - - But to return. - - Next morning, the lovers woke in full possession of their - faculties, when the happiest _denouement_ took place. Hysterica - told Theodore that she had extricated herself from the snow, at - the risk of her life. In fact, she was obliged to pelt it away in - balls, and Theodore now recollected having been hit with one, - during his search for her. Fearful of returning to the castle, she - walked _à Londres_; and officiated there in the respective - capacities of cook, milliner, own woman, and washerwoman. Her - honour too, was untarnished, though a hulking porter had paid her - the most delicate attentions, and assured her that Theodore was - married to cruel Barbara Allen. - - Theodore called down several stars to witness his unalterable love; - and, as a farther proof of the fact, offered to marry her the next - day. - - Her former scruples (the mysterious circumstances of her birth) - being now removed, she beamed an inflammatory glance, and - consented. He deposited a kiss on her cheek, and a blush was the - rosy result. He therefore repeated the application. - - - - - CHAPTER VII - - Sure such a day as this was never seen!--THOMAS THUMB. - - The day, th' important day!--ADDISON. - - O giorno felice!--ITALIAN. - - RURAL SCENERY.--THE BRIDAL COSTUME.--OLD FRIENDS.--LITTLE BILLY - GREATLY GROWN.--THE MARRIAGE.--A SCENE OF MORTALITY.--CONCLUSION. - - - The morning of the happy day destined to unite our lovers was - ushered into the world with a blue sky, and the ringing of bells. - Maidens, united in bonds of amity and artificial roses, come - dancing to the pipe and tabor; while groups of children and - chickens add hilarity to the unison of congenial minds. On the left - of the village are seen plantations of tufted turnips; on the right - a dilapidated dog-kennel, - - With venerable grandeur marks the scene; - - while every where the delighted eye catches monstrous mountains and - minute daisies. In a word, - - All nature wears one universal grin. - - The procession now set forward to the church. The bride was habited - in white drapery. Ten signs of the Zodiac, worked in spangles, - sparkled round its edge, but Virgo was omitted at her own desire; - and the bridegroom proposed to dispense with Capricorn. Sweet - delicacy! She held a pot of myrtle in her hand, and wore on her - head a small lighted torch, emblematical of Hymen. The boys and - girls bounded about her, and old Margueritone begged the favour of - lighting her pipe at her la'ship's head. - - 'Aha, I remember you!' said little Billy, pointing his plump and - dimpled finger at her. She remarked how tall he was grown, and took - him in her arms; while he playfully beat her with an infinitude of - small thumps. - - The marriage ceremony passed off with great spirit; and the fond - bridegroom, as he pressed her to his heart, felt how pure, how - delicious are the joys of virtue. - - That evening, he gave a _fête champetre_ to the peasantry; and, - afterwards, a magnificent supper to his friends. - - The company consisted of Lord Lilliput, Sir James Brobdignag, - little Billy, Anacharsis Clootz, and Joe Miller. - - Nothing, they thought, could add to their happiness; but they were - miserably mistaken. A messenger, pale as Priam's, rushed into the - room, and proclaimed Lord Theodore a peer of Great Britain, as his - father had died the night before. - - All present congratulated Lord De Willoughby on this prosperous - turn of affairs; while himself and his charming bride exchanged a - look that spoke volumes. - - Little Billy then pledged him in a goblet of Falernian; but he very - properly refused, alleging, that as the dear child was in love with - Hysterica, he had probably poisoned the wine, in a fit of jealousy. - The whole party were in raptures at this mark of his lordship's - discretion. - - After supper, little Billy rose, and bowing gracefully to the - bride, stabbed himself to the heart. - - Our readers may now wish to learn what became of the remaining - personages in this narrative. - - Count Stiletto is dead; Lord Lilliput is no more; Sir James - Brobdignag has departed this life; Anacharsis Clootz is in his - grave; and Mr. J. Miller is in another, and we trust, a better - world. - - Old Margueritone expired with the bible in her hand, and the - coroner's inquest brought in a verdict of lunacy. - - Having thus conducted our lovers to the summit of human happiness, - we shall take leave of our readers with this moral reflection:-- - - THE FALLING OUT OF LOVERS IS THE RENEWAL OF LOVE. - - THE END. - - -I must now leave you to prepare my dress for the ball. The ball-room, -which occupies an entire wing of the house, is full of artists and -workmen; but her ladyship will not permit me to see it till the night -of the dance; as, she says, she means to surprise me with its -splendour. Cynics may say what they will against expensive decorations; -but in my opinion, whatever tends to promote taste in the fine arts -(and a mental is in some degree productive of a moral taste); whatever -furnishes artizans with employment, and excites their emulation, must -improve the condition of society. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XXXII - - -The morning of the ball, I awoke without any remains of my late -indisposition, except that captivating paleness, that sprinkling of -lilies, which adds to interest without detracting from beauty. - -I rose with the sun, and taking a small china vase in my hand, tripped -into the parterre, to collect the fresh and fragrant dew that glistened -on the blossoms. I filled the piece of painted earth with the nectar of -the sky, and returned. - -During the day, I took nothing but honey, milk, and dried conserves; a -repast the most likely to promote that ethereal character which I -purposed adopting at night. - -Towards evening, I laved my limbs in a tepid bath; and as soon as the -sun had waved his last crimson banner in the west, I began my toilette. - -So variable is fashion, that I determined not to dress according to its -existing laws; since they might be completely exploded in a month; and, -at all events, by the time my life is written, they will have become -quite antiquated. For instance, do we not already abhor Evelina's and -Harriet Byron's powdered, pomatumed, and frizzled hair? It was, -therefore, my plan to dress in imitation of classical models, and to -copy the immortal toilette of Greece. - -Having first divested myself from head to foot of every habiliment, I -took a long piece of the finest cambric, and twice wound it gracefully -round my shoulders and bosom, and twice enveloped my form in its folds; -which, while they delineated the outline of my shape, veiled the -tincture of my skin. I then flung over it a drapery of embroidered -gauze, and its unimplicated simplicity gave to my perfect figure the -spirit of an antique statue. An apparent tissue of woven air, it fell -like a vapour round me. A zone of gold and a clasp prettily imprisoned -my waist; and my graceful arms, undegraded by gloves, were bare to the -shoulder. Part of my hair was confined by a bodkin, and part floated -over my neck in native ringlets. As I could not well wear my leg naked, -I drew on it a texture of woven silk; and laced a pair of sandals over -my little foot; which resembled that of a youthful Thetis, or of a -fugitive Atalanta. - -I then bathed my face with the dew which I had gathered in the morning, -poured on my hair and bosom the balmy waters of the distilled rose, and -sprinkled my drapery with fragrant floods of lavender; so that I might -be said to move in an ambient atmosphere of odours. - -Behold me now, dressed to a charm, to a criticism. Here was no sloping, -or goring, or seaming, or frilling, or flouncing. Detestable mechanism -of millinery! No tedious papillotes, or unpoetical pins were here. All -was done, in a few minutes, with a clasp, a zone, and a bodkin. - -As I surveyed my form in the mirror, I was enraptured at its Sylphic -delicacy; but I trembled to reflect, that the fairest flowers are the -most fragile. You would imagine that a maiden's sigh could dissipate -the drapery; and its aerial effect was as if a fairy were to lift the -filmy gossamer on her spear, and lightly fling it over a rose-bud. - -Resolving not to make myself visible till all the guests had arrived, I -sat down and read Ossian, to store my mind with ideas for conversation. -I love Ossian, it is so sublime, so bewildered, so full of a blue and -white melancholy; of ghosts, and the four elements. I likewise turned -over other books; for, as I had never mixed in fashionable society, I -could not talk that nothingness, which is every thing in high life. -Nor, indeed, if I could, would I; because, as a heroine, it was my part -to converse with point, flowers, and sublimation. - -About to appear in a world where all was new to me; ignorant of its -forms, inexperienced in its rules; fair, young, and original, I -resolved on adopting such manners as should not be subject to place, -time, accident, or fashion. In short, to copy universal, generalized, -unsophisticated nature, and Grecian statues. - -As I had studied elegance of attitude before I knew the world, my -graces were original, and all my own creation; so that if I had not the -temporary mannerisms of a marchioness, I had, at least, the immortal -movements of a seraph. Words may become obsolete, but the language of -gesture is universal and eternal. - -As for smiles, I felt myself perfect mistress of all that were ever -ascribed to heroines;--the fatal smile, the smile such as precedes the -dissolution of sainted goodness, the fragment of a broken smile, and -the sly smile that creates the little dimple on the left side of the -little mouth. - -At length the most interesting moment of my life arrived; the moment -when I was to burst, like a new planet, on the fashionable hemisphere. -I descended the stairs, and pausing at the door, tried to tranquillize -my fluttered spirits. I then assumed an air-lifted figure, scarcely -touching the ground, and glided into the room. - -The company were walking in groups, or sitting. - -'That is she;--there she is;--look, look!' was whispered on all sides. -Every eye fixed itself upon me, while I felt at once elevated and -opprest. - -Lady Gwyn advanced, took my hand, and paying me the highest compliments -on my appearance, led me to a sofa, at the upper end of the room. A -semicircle of astonished admirers, head over head, ranged itself in my -front, and a smile of glowing approbation illuminated the faces of all. -There I sat, in all the bashful diffidence of a simple and -inexperienced recluse, trembling for myself, fearing for others, -systematically suppressing my feelings, impulsively betraying them; -while, with an expression of sweet wildness, and retiring -consciousness, was observable a degree of susceptibility too exquisite -to admit of lasting peace. - -At last a spruce and puny fop stepped from amidst the group, and seated -himself beside me. - -'This was a fine day, Ma'am,' said he, as he admired the accurate turn -of his ankle. - -'Yes,' answered I, 'halcyon was the morn, when I strayed into the -garden, to gather flowery dew; and it seemed as if the twins of Latona -had met to propitiate their rites. Blushes, like their own roses, -coloured the vapours; and rays, pure as their thoughts, silvered the -foliage.' - -The company murmured applause. - -'What a pity,' said he, 'that this evening was wet; as in consequence -of it, we have probably lost another beautiful description from you.' - -'Ah, my good friend,' cried I, wreathing my favourite smile; and laying -the rosy tip of my finger on his arm; 'such is the state of man. His -morning rises in sunshine, and his evening sets in rain.' - -While the company were again expressing their approbation, I overheard -one of them whisper to the fop: - -'Come, play the girl off, and let her have your best nonsense.' - -The fop winked at him, and then turned to me; while I sat shocked and -astonished, but collecting all my powers. - -'See,' said he, 'how you have fascinated every eye. Actually you are -the queen-bee; with all your swarm about you.' - -'And with my drone too,' said I, bowing slightly. - -'Happy in being a drone,' said he, 'so he but sips of your honey.' - -'Rather say,' cried I, 'that he deserves my sting.' - -'Ah,' said he, laying his hand on his heart; 'your eyes have fixed a -sting here.' - -'Then your tongue,' returned I, 'is rather more innocent; for though it -may have the venom of a sting, it wants the point.' - -The company laughed, and he coloured. - -'Do I tease you?' said he, trying to rally. 'How cruel! Actually I am -so abashed, as you may see, that my modesty flies into my face.' - -'Then,' said I, 'your modesty must be very hard run for a refuge.' - -Here the room echoed with acclamations. - -'I am not at a loss for an answer,' said he, looking round him, and -forcing a smile. 'I am not indeed.' - -'Then pray let me have it,' said I, 'for folly never becomes truly -ludicrous till it tries to be pert.' - -'Bravo! Bravo!' cried an hundred voices at once, and away the little -drone flew from my hive. I tossed back my ringlets with an infantine -shake of the head, and sat as if unconscious of my triumph. - -The best of it is, that every word he said will one day appear in -print. Men who converse with a heroine ought to talk for the press, or -they will make but a silly figure in her memoirs. - -'I thank you for your spirit, my dear,' said Lady Gwyn, sitting down -beside me. 'That little puppy deserves every severity. Think of his -always sitting in his dressing-gown, a full hour after he has shaved, -that the blood may subside from his face. He protests his surprise how -men can find pleasure in running after a nasty fox; cuts out half his -own coat at his tailor's; has a smile, and a "pretty!" for every one -and every thing; sits silent till one of his four only topics is -introduced, and then lisping a descant on the last opera, the last -boxing-match, the last race, or the last play, he drains his last idea, -and has nothing at your service, for the remainder of the night, -but an assenting bow. Such insects should never come out but at -butterfly-season; and even then, only in a four-wheeled bandbox, while -monkeys strew the way with mignionette. No, I can never forgive him for -having gone to Lady Bontein's last rout in preference to mine; though -he knew that she gave her's on the same evening purposely to thin my -party.' - -'And pray,' said I, 'who is Lady Bontein?' - -'That tall personage yonder, with sorrel hair,' answered her ladyship; -'and with one shoulder of the gothic order, and the other of the -corinthian. She has now been forty years endeavouring to look handsome, -and she still thinks, that by diligent perseverance she will succeed at -last. See how she freshens her smiles, and labours to look at ease; -though she has all the awkwardness of a milkmaid, without any of the -simplicity. You must know she has pored over Latin, till her mind has -become as dead as the language itself. Then she writes well-bred -sonnets about a tear, or a primrose, or a daisy; but nothing larger -than a lark; and talks botany with the men, as she thinks that science -is a sufficient excuse for indecency. Nay, the meek creature affects -the bible too; but it is whispered, that she has often thrown it at her -footman's head, without any affectation at all. But the magnificence -of to-night will put all competition out of her power; and I have also -planned a little _Scena_, classical, appropriate, and almost unique; -not alone in order to complete my triumph over her, but to grace your -entrance into life, by conferring a peculiar mark of distinction on -you.' - -'On me!' cried I. 'What mark? I deserve no mark, I am sure.' - -'Indeed you do,' said she. 'All the world knows that you are the first -heroine in it; and the fact is, I mean to celebrate your merits -to-night, by crowning you, just as Corinne was crowned in the capitol.' - -'Dear Lady Gwyn,' cried I, panting with joy; 'sure you are not---- Ah, -are you serious?' - -'Most serious, my love,' answered she, 'and in a short time the -ceremony will commence. You may perceive that the young men and girls -have left the room. It is to prepare for the procession; and now excuse -me, as I must assist them.' - -She then hurried out, and I remained half an hour, in an agony of -anxious expectation. - -At last, I heard a confused murmur at the door, and a gentleman ran -forward from it, to clear a passage. A lane was soon formed of the -guests; and fancy my feelings, when I beheld the promised procession -entering! - -First appeared several little children, who came tripping towards me; -some with baskets of flowers, and others with vases of odorous waters, -or censers of fragrant fire. After them advanced a tall youth of noble -port, conspicuous in a scarlet robe, that trailed behind him with -graceful dignity. On his head was a plat of palm, in his left hand he -held a long wand, and in his right the destined wreath of laurel and -myrtle. Behind him came maidens, two by two, and hand in hand. They had -each a drapery of white muslin flung negligently round them, and -knotted just under the shoulder; while their luxuriant hair floated -over their bosoms. The youths came next, habited in flowing vestments -of white linen. - -The leader approached, and making profound obeisance, took my hand. I -rose, bowed, and we proceeded with a slow step out of the room; while -the children ran before us, tossing their little censers, scattering -pansies, and sprinkling liquid sweets. The nymphs and youths followed -in couples, and the company closed the procession. We crossed the hall, -ascended the winding staircase, and passed along the corridor, till we -reached the ball-room. The folding doors then flew open, as if with -wings; and a scene presented itself, which almost baffles description. - -It was a spacious apartment, oval in its form, and walled all round -with a luxuriant texture of interwoven foliage, kept compact by green -lattice-work. Branches of the broad chesnut and arbutus were relieved -with lauristinas, acacias, and mountain-ash; while here and there, -within the branches, appeared clusters of lamps, that mingled their -coloured rays, and poured a flood of lustre on the leaves. The floor -was chalked into circular compartments, and each depicted some gentle -scene of romance. There I saw Mortimer and his Amanda, Delville and his -Cecilia, Valencourt and his Emily. The ceiling was of moss, illuminated -with large circles of lamps; and from the centre of each circle, a -basket was seen peeping, and half inverted, as if about to shower its -ripe fruits and chaplets upon our heads. - -At the upper end of the room I beheld a large arbour, elevated on a -gradual slope of turf. Its outside was intertwined with jessamines, -honeysuckles, and eglantines, tufted with clumps of sunflowers, lilies, -hollyhocks, and a thousand other blossoms, and hung with clusters of -grapes, and trails of intricate ivy; while all its interior was so -studded with innumerable lamps, that it formed a resplendent arch of -variegated fire. The seat was a grassy bank, strewn with a profusion of -aromatic herbs; and the footstool was a heap of roses. Just from under -this footstool, and through the turf, came gushing a little rill, that -first tumbled its warbling waters down some rugged stones, and then -separating itself to the right and left, ran along a pebbled channel, -bordered with flowery banks, till it was lost, at either side, amidst -overshadowing branches. - -The moment I set foot in the room, a stream of invisible music, as if -from above, and softened by distance, came swelling on my enraptured -ear. Thrice we circled this enchanted chamber, and trod to the solemn -measure. I was amazed, entranced; I felt elevated to the empyrean. I -moved with the grandeur of a goddess, and the grace of a vision. - -At length my conductor led me across the little rill, into the bower. I -sat down, and he stood beside me. The children lay in groups on the -grass, while the youths and virgins ranged themselves along the -opposite side of the streamlet, and the rest of the company stood -behind them. - -The master of this august ceremony now waved his wand: the music -ceased, all was silent, and he thus began. - -'My countrymen and countrywomen. - -'Behold your Cherubina; behold the most celebrated woman in our island. -Need I recount to you all her accomplishments? Her impassioned -sensibility, her exquisite art in depicting the delicate and affecting -relations between the beauties of nature, and the deep emotions of the -soul? Need I dwell on those elegant adventures, those sorrows, and -those horrors, which she has experienced; I might almost say, sought? -Oh! no. The whole globe already resounds with them, and their fame will -descend to the most remote posterity. - -'Need I portray her eloquence, the purity of her style, and the -smoothness of her periods? Are not her ancestors illustrious? Are not -her manners fascinating? Alas! to this question, some of our hearts -beat audible response. Her's is the head of a Sappho, deficient alone -in the voluptuous languor, which should characterize the countenance of -that enamoured Lesbian. - -'To CROWN her, therefore, as the patroness of arts, the paragon of -charms, and the first of heroines, is to gratify our feelings, more -than her own; by enabling us to pay a just homage to beauty and to -virtue.' - -He ceased amidst thunders of applause. I rose;--and in an instant, it -was the stillness of death. Then with a timorous, yet ardent air, I -thus addressed the assembly. - -'My countrymen, my countrywomen! - -'I will not thank you, for I cannot. In giving me cause to be grateful, -you have taken from me the means of expressing my gratitude, for you -have overpowered me. - -'How I happen to deserve the beautiful eulogium just pronounced, I am -sure I cannot conceive. Till this flattering moment, I never knew that -the grove resounds with my praises, that my style is pure, and my head -a Sappho's. But unconsciousness of merit is the characteristic of a -heroine. - -'The gratitude, however, which my words cannot express, my deeds shall -evince; and I now pledge myself, that neither rank nor riches (which, -from my pursuits, I am peculiarly liable to) shall ever make me -unmindful of what I owe to adversity. For, from her, I have acquired -all my knowledge of the world, my sympathy, my pensiveness, and my -sensibility. Yes, since adversity thus adds to virtue, it must be a -virtue to seek adversity. - -'England, my friends, is now the depository of all that remains of -virtue;--the ark that floats upon the waters of the deluge. But what -preserves her virtuous? Her women. And whence arises their purity? From -education. - -'To you, then, my fair auditory, I would enjoin a diligent cultivation -of learning. But oh! beware what books you peruse; for, trust me, some -are as injurious as others are salutary. I cannot point out to you the -mischievous class, because I have never read them; but indubitably, the -most useful are novels and romances. Such as I am, these, these alone -have made me. These, by depicting heroines sublimated almost to -immateriality, teach the common class of womankind to reach what is -uncommon, by striving at what is unattainable; to despise the -grovelling follies and idlenesses of the mere worker of samplers, and -to contract a taste for that sensibility, whose tear is the dissolution -of pearls, whose blush is the sunbeam of the cheek, and whose sigh is -more costly than the breeze, that comes laden with oriental -frankincense.' - -I spoke, and peals of acclamation shook the bower. - -The priest of the ceremony now raises the crown on high, then lowers it -by slow degrees, and holds it suspended over my head. Letting down my -tresses, and folding my hands on my bosom, I throw myself upon my -knees, and incline forward to receive it. - -I AM CROWNED. - -At the same moment, drums, and trumpets, and shouts, burst upon my ear, -in a hurricane of triumph. The youths and maidens make obeisance; I -rise, press my hand to my heart, and bow deeply. Tears start into my -eyes. I feel far above mortality. - -Hardly had the tumult subsided when a harp was brought to the bower; -and they requested that I would sing and play an improvisatore, like -Corinne. What was I to do? for I knew nothing of the harp, but a few -chords! In this difficulty, I luckily recollected a heroine, who was -educated only by an old steward, and his old wife, in an old castle, -with an old lute; and who, notwithstanding, as soon as she stepped into -society, played and sang, like angels, by intuition. - -I therefore felt quite reassured, and sat to the harp. I struck a few -low Lydian notes, and cast a timid glance around me. At first my voice -was scarcely louder than a sigh; and my accompaniment was a harmonic -chord, swept at intervals. The words came from the moment. - -'Where is my blue-eyed chief? said the white-bosomed daughter of Erin, -as the wave kissed her foot; and wherefore went he from his weeping -maid, to the fight of heroes? She saw a dim form rise before her, like -a mist from the valley. Pale grew her cheek, as the blighted leaf in -autumn. Your lover, it shrilly shrieked, sleeps among the dead, like a -broken thistle amidst dandelions; but his spirit, like the thistly -down, has ascended into the skies. The maiden heard; she ran, she flew, -she sprang from a rock. The waves closed over her. Peace to the -daughter of Erin!' - -As I sang 'she ran, she flew,' the workings and tremblings of the -minstrel were in unison; while my winged fingers fluttered along the -chords, light as a swallow over a little lake, when he touches it with -the utmost feather of his pinion. But while I sang, 'peace to the -daughter of Erin!' my voice, as it died over the faint vibration of the -strings, had all the heart-breaking softness of an Eolian lyre; so -woeful was it, so wistful, so wildered. 'Viva! viva!' resounded through -the room. At the last cadence, I dropped one arm gently down, and -hanging the other on the harp, leaned my languishing head upon it, -while my moistened eyes were half closed. - -A sudden disturbance at the door roused me from my trance. I looked up, -and beheld--what?--Can you imagine what? No, my friend, you could not -to the day of judgment. I saw, in short, my great mother come striding -towards me, with outspread arms, and calling, 'my daughter, my -daughter!' in a voice that might waken the dead. - -My heart died within me: down I darted from the bower, and ran for -shelter behind Lady Gwyn. - -'Give me back my daughter!' vociferated the dreadful woman, advancing -close to her ladyship. - -'Oh! do no such thing!' whispered I, pulling her ladyship by the -sleeve. 'Take half--all my property; but do not be the death of me!' - -'What are you muttering there, Miss?' cried my mother, espying me. -'What makes you stand peeping over that wretch's shoulder?' - -'Indeed, Ma'am,' stammered I, 'I am--I am taking your part.' - -'Who could have presumed to liberate this woman?' cried Lady Gwyn. - -'The Condottieri,' said my mother, 'headed by the great Damno Sulphureo -Volcanoni.' - -'Then you must return to your prison, this moment,' cried Lady Gwyn. - -My mother fell on her knees, and began blubbering; while the guests got -round, and interceded for her being restored to liberty. I too thought -it my duty to say something (my mother all the time sobbing horribly); -till, at length, Lady Gwyn consented--for my sake, she said,--to set -the poor wretch free; but on this special condition, that there should -be no prosecution for false imprisonment. - -All matters being amicably adjusted, my mother begged a morsel of meat, -as she had not eaten any these ten years. In a few minutes, a small -table, furnished with a cold turkey and a decanter of wine, was laid -for her in the bower. The moment she perceived it, she ran, and seating -herself in the scene of my recent triumph, began devouring with such -avidity, that I was thunderstruck. One wing soon went; the second -shared the fate of its companion, and now she set about a large slice -of the breast. - -'What a charming appetite your dear mother has got!' said several of -the guests to me. I confessed it, but assured them that inordinate -hunger did not run in our family. Her appetite being at last satiated, -she next assailed the wine. Glass after glass disappeared with -inconceivable rapidity, and every glass went to my heart. 'She will be -quite intoxicated!' thought I; while my fears for the hereditary honour -of our house overcoming my personal terrors, I had the resolution to -steal across, and whisper: - -'Mother, if you have any regard for your daughter, and respect for your -ancestors, drink no more.' - -'No more than this decanter, upon my honour!' said she, applying it to -her lips. - -At this moment the violins struck up. - -'And now,' cried my mother, running down from the bower, 'who is for a -dance?' - -'I am,' said my friend, the little fop, advancing, and taking her hand. - -'Then,' said she, 'we will waltz, if you please.' - -Santa Maria!--Waltz! - -A circle was cleared, and they began whirling each other round at a -frightful rate,--or rather she him; for he was like a plaything in her -hands; and had he let go his grasp, I am sure he would have been flung -up among the branches, and have stuck there, like King Charles in the -oak. - -At last, while I was standing, a statue of shame, and wondering how any -human being, endowed with a common portion of reason, could act so -ridiculous a part, this miserable woman, overcome with wine and -waltzing, fell flat upon the floor; and was carried out of the room by -four grinning footmen. - -I could hold no longer: the character of my family demanded a prompt -explanation, and with tears in my eyes, I desired to be heard. Silence -was obtained. - -'I beseech of this assembly,' said I, 'to acquit me of having hand, -act, or part, in the conduct of that unfortunate person. I never even -saw her, till I came to this house; and that I may never see her again, -I pray heaven. I hate her, I dread her; and I now protest, in the most -unequivocal manner, that I do not believe her to be my mother at all. -She has no resemblance to the portrait in the gallery; and as she was -stark mad, when found in the woods, she perhaps imagined herself my -mother; for I am told that mad persons are apt to fancy themselves -great people. No, my malignant star ordained us to meet, that she might -place me in awkward situations by her vulgarity; just as Mrs. Garnet, -the supposed mother of the Beggar Girl, used to place that heroine. I -am sure this is the case; nothing can convince me to the contrary; and -therefore, I thus publicly renounce, disown, and wash my hands of her, -now and for ever.' - -The company coincided in my sentiments, and applauded my determination. - -Country dancing was then proposed: the men sauntered about the room for -partners; the mothers walked their daughters up and down, to shew their -paces; and their daughters turned away their heads when they saw their -favourites approaching to ask them. Ugliness and diamonds occupied the -top of the set; the beauties stood in the centre, and the motley -couples came last;--old bachelors with misses of fifteen; and boys, who -were glad to be thought men, with antiques, who were sorry to be called -maids. Other unfortunates, drest to a pin, yet noticed by nobody, sat -protruding the supercilious lip at a distance. - -And now the merry maze commenced. But what mutilated steps, what -grotesque graces! One girl sprang and sprawled to the terror of every -ankle; and with a clear idea of space, shewed that she had no notion of -time. Another, not deigning to dance, only moved; while her poor -partner was seen helping her in, like a tired jade to the distance -post. This bartered elegance for a flicflac; that swam down the set; a -third cut her way through it; and a fourth, who, by her longevity, -could not be dancing for a husband, appeared, by her earnestness, to be -dancing for her life. - -All this delighted me highly, for it would shew my graces to the -greater advantage. My partner was the gentleman who had crowned me; and -now, when our turn to dance down came, a general whisper among the -spectators, and their sudden hurry towards me, proved that much was -expected from my performance. I would not disappoint them for worlds; -besides, it was incumbent on me to stamp a marked dissimilarity between -my supposed mother, and myself, in every thing; and to call forth -respect and admiration, as much as she had excited derision and -contempt. - -And now, with my right foot behind, and the point of it but just -touching the ground, I leaned forward on my left, and stood as if in -act to ascend from this vale of tears to regions of interminable -beatitude. - -The next moment the music gave the signal, and I began. Despising the -figure of the common country-dance, I meandered through all the -intricacies of the dance of Ariadne; imitating in my circular and -oblique motions the harmonious movement of the spheres; and -resembling, in my light and playful form, the Horoe of Bathycles, as -they appeared in the Temple of Amycla. Sometimes with a rapid flight, -and glowing smile, I darted, like a herald Iris, through the mazes of -the set; sometimes assuming the dignity of a young Diana, I floated in -a swimming languishment; and sometimes, like a pastoral nymph of -Languedoc, capriciously did I bend my head on one side, and dance up -insidious. What a Hebe! - -I happened not to see my partner from the time I began till I had -ended; but when panting and playful, I flew like a lapwing, to my seat, -he followed, and requested that I would accept the assurances of his -high admiration. - -Soon afterwards, waltzing was introduced. - -'You have already imitated Ida's dancing,' said he. 'Will you now -imitate Charlotte's, and allow me, like Werter, to hold in my arms the -most lovely of women; to fly with her, like the wind, and lose sight of -every other object?' - -I consented; he led me forth, and clasping my waist, began the -circuitous exercise of waltzing. Round and round we flew, and swifter -and swifter; till my head grew quite giddy. Lamps, trees, dresses, -faces, all seemed to be shattered and huddled together, and sent -whisking round the room in a vortex. - -But, oh, my friend, how shall I find language to describe the -calamitous termination of an evening so propitious in its commencement? -I blush as I write it, till the reflected crimson dyes my paper. For in -the midst of my rotatory motion, while heaven seemed earth, and earth -seemed heaven; the zone, on which all my attire depended, and by which -it was all confined, on a sudden burst asunder, and in the next whirl, -more than half of my dress dropped at my feet! Another revolution and I -had acted Diana to fifty Acteons; but I shrieked, and extricating -myself from my partner, sank on the floor, amidst the wreck of my -drapery. The ladies ran, ranged themselves round me, and cast a mantle -over my half-revealed charms. I was too much shocked, and indeed too -giddy to move; so they lifted me between them, and bore me, in slow -procession, out of the room. It was the funeral of modesty; but the -pall was supported by tittering malice. - -I hurried into bed, and cried myself asleep. - -I cannot think, much less write of this disaster, with common -fortitude. I wonder whether Thompson's Musidora could be considered a -sufficient precedent, or at least a palliative parallel? If not, and -that my biographer records it, I am undone. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XXXIII - - -Yesterday Lady Gwyn took me, at my particular request, to visit Monkton -Castle, an old ruin, within three miles of us; and as it forms part of -that property which she holds at present, it is mine to all intents and -purposes. - -The door-way was stopped up with stones, so that I could not take a -survey of its interior; but outside it looked desolate enough. I mean, -at some future period, to furnish it like Udolpho, and other castles of -romance, and to reside there during the howling months. - -After dinner her ladyship went to superintend the unpacking of some -beautiful china, which had just arrived from London; and I was left -alone on the sofa. Evening had already begun to close: a delicious -indolence thrilled through my limbs, and I felt all that lassitude and -vacuity which the want of incident ever creates. - -'Were there even some youth in the house,' thought I, 'who would -conceive an unhappy attachment for me;--had her ladyship but a -persecuting son, what scenes might happen! Suppose at this moment the -door were to be thrown open, and he to enter, with a quick step, and -booted and spurred. He starts on seeing me. Never had I looked so -lovely. 'Heavens!' murmurs he, ''tis a divinity!' then suddenly -recollecting himself, he advances with a respectful bow. 'Pardon this -intrusion,' says he; 'but I--really I--.' I rise, and colouring -violently, mutter, without looking at him: 'I wonder where her ladyship -can be?' But as I am about to pass him, he snatches my hand, and -leading me back to the sofa, says:--'Suffer me to detain you a moment. -This occasion, so long desired, I cannot bring myself to relinquish. -Prevented by the jealous care of a too fond mother, from appearing -before you, I have sought and found a thousand opportunities, on the -stairs--in the garden--in the shrubbery--to behold those charms. Fatal -opportunities! for they have robbed me of my peace for ever! Yes, -charming Cherubina, you have undone me. That airy, yet dignified form; -those mild, yet sparkling eyes; those lips, more delicious than the -banquet of the gods----' 'Really, Signor,' says I, in all the pleasing -simplicity of maiden embarrassment, 'this language is as improper for -me to hear as for you to express.' 'It is, it is improper,' cries he, -with animation, 'for it is inadequate.' 'Yes,' says I 'inadequate to -the respect I deserve as the guest of your mother.' 'Ah!' exclaims he, -'why should the guest imitate the harshness of the hostess?' 'That she -may not,' says I, 'countenance the follies of the son. Signor, I desire -you will unhand me.' 'Never!' cries he; 'never, till you say you pity -me. O, my Cherubina; O, my soul's idol!' and he drops upon his knee, -and grasps my hand; when behold, the door opens, and Lady Gwyn appears -at it! Never were astonishment and dismay equal to her's. 'Godfrey, -Godfrey,' says she, 'is this the conduct that I requested of you? This, -to seek clandestine interviews, where I had prohibited even an open -acquaintance? And for thee, fair unfortunate,' turning towards me, with -that mild look, which cuts more than a thousand sarcasms; 'for thee, -lovely frail one, thou must seek some other asylum.' Her sweet eyes -swim in tears. I fling myself at her feet. 'I am innocent,' I cry, -'innocent as the little fawn that frisks itself to repose by the -bubbling fountain.' She smiles incredulous. 'Come,' says she, taking my -hand, 'let me lead you to your apartment.' 'Stay, in mercy stay!' cries -Godfrey, rushing between us and the door. She waves him aside. I reach -my room. Nothing can console me. I am all despair. In a few minutes the -maid taps at my door, with a slip of paper from Godfrey. 'Oh, -Cherubina,' it says, 'how my heart is torn for you! As you value your -fame, perhaps your life, meet me to-night, at twelve, in the -shrubbery.' After a long struggle, I resolve to meet him. 'Tis twelve, -the winds are abroad, the shower descends. I fling on something, and -steal into the shrubbery. I find him there before me. He thanks me ten -thousand, thousand times for my kindness, my condescension; and by -degrees, leads me into the avenue, where I see a chaise in waiting. I -shrink back; he prays, implores; and at length, snatching me in his -arms, is about to force me into the vehicle, when on a sudden--'Hold, -villain!' cries a voice. It is the voice of Stuart! I shriek, and drop -to the ground. The clashing of swords resounds over my contested body, -and I faint. On recovering, I find myself in a small, but decent -chamber, with an old woman and a beautiful girl watching over me. 'St. -Catherine be praised,' exclaims the young peasant, 'she comes to -herself.' 'Tell me,' I cry, 'is he murdered?' 'The gentleman is dead, -sure enough, miss,' says the woman. I laugh frantic, and point my -finger. 'Ha! look yonder,' I cry; 'see his mangled corpse, mildly -smiling, even in death. See, they fight; he falls.--Barbarous Godfrey! -valiant, generous, unfortunate Stuart! And hark, hear you that! 'Tis -the bell tolling, tolling, tolling!' During six weeks I continue in -this dreadful brain-fever. Slowly I recover. A low melancholy preys -upon me, and I am in the last stage of a consumption. But though I lose -my bloom, illness touches my features with something more than human. -One evening, I had got my chair on the green before the door, and was -watching the sun as he set in a blaze of gold. 'And oh!' exclaimed I, -'soon must I set like thee, fair luminary;--when I am interrupted by a -stifled sigh, just behind me. I turn. Heaven and earth! who should be -leaning over me, with looks of unutterable love, but--Stuart! In an -instant, I see him, I shriek, I run, I leap into his arms.---- - -Unfortunate leap; for it wakened me from a delicious reverie, and I -found myself in the arms,--not of Stuart,--but of the old butler! Down -we both came, and broke in pieces a superb china vase, which he was -just bringing into the room. - -'What will my lady say to this?' cried he, rising and collecting the -fragments. - -'She will smile with ineffable grace,' answered I, 'and make a moral -reflection on the instability of sublunary things.' - -He shook his head, and went on with his work of affliction; while I -hastened to the glass, where I found my face flushed from my reverie, -my hair dishevelled, and my long eyelashes wet with tears. I perceived -too that my dress had got a terrible rent by my fall. - -Hardly had I recomposed myself, when her ladyship returned, and called -for tea. - -'How did you tear your robe, my love?' said she. - -'By a fall that I got just now,' replied I. 'Sure never was such an -unfortunate fall!' - -'Nay, child,' said she, rallying me, 'though a martyr to the tender -sensibilities, you must not be a victim to torn muslin.' - -'I am extremely distressed, however,' said I. - -'But why so?' cried she. 'It was an accident, and all of us are awkward -at times. Life has too many serious miseries to admit of vexation about -trifles.' - -'There now!' cried I, with delight. 'I declare I told the butler, when -I broke the china vase, that you would make a moral reflection.' - -'Broke the---- Oh! mercy, have you broken my beautiful china vase?' - -'Smashed it to atoms,' answered I, in a tone of the most assuasive -sweetness. - -'You did?' exclaimed she, in a voice that stunned me. 'And pray, how -dared you go near it? How dared you even look at it? You, who are not -fit company for crockery, much less china;--a crazed creature, that I -brought into my house to divert my guests. You a title? You a beauty?' - -'Dear Lady Gwyn,' said I, 'do be calm under this calamity. Trust me -life has too many serious miseries to admit of vexation about trifles.' - -Her ladyship rose, with her cheeks inflamed, and her eyes glittering. - -I ran out of the room, in much terror; then up stairs, and into the -nearest bed-chamber. It happened to be her ladyship's; and this -circumstance struck me as most providential; for, in her present mood, -she would probably compel me to quit the house; so that I could never -have another opportunity of ransacking her caskets and cabinets, for -memorials of my birth. - -I therefore began the search; but in the midst of it was interrupted by -hearing a small voice cry, 'get out!' - -Much amazed, I looked up, and perceived her ladyship's favourite parrot -in its cage. - -'Get out!' said the parrot. - -'I will let thee out, cost what it will,' cried I. - -So with much sensibility, and indeed, very little spleen, I took the -bird, and put it out at the window. - -After having accurately examined several drawers, I found a casket in -one of them; opened it, and beheld within (O delightful sight!) a -miniature set round with inestimable diamonds, and bearing a perfect -resemblance to the portrait in the gallery,--face, attitude, attire, -every thing! - -'Relic of my much injured house!' exclaimed I, depositing the picture -in my bosom.' Image of my sainted mother, never will I part with thee!' - -'What are you doing in my room?' cried Lady Gwyn, as she burst into it. -'How is this? All my dresses about the floor! my drawers, my casket -open!--And, as I live, here is the miniature gone! Why you graceless -little thing, are you robbing me?' - -'Madam,' answered I, 'that miniature belongs to my family; I have -recovered it at last; and let me see who will dare take it from me.' - -'You are more knave than fool,' said her ladyship: 'give it back this -instant, or, on my honour, I will expose you to the servants.' - -'What is the use of bullying?' said I. 'Sure you are ruined should this -swindling affair come to be known, not that I would, for the world, -hang your ladyship;--far from it,--but then your character will be -blasted. Ah! Lady Gwyn, where is your hereditary honour? where is your -prudence? where is your dignity?' - -'Where is my parrot?' shrieked her ladyship. - -'Ranging the radiant air!' exclaimed I--'inhaling life, and fragrance, -and freedom amidst the clouds! I let it out at the window.' - -Her ladyship ran towards me, but I passed her, and made the best of my -way down stairs; while she followed, calling, stop thief! Too well I -knew and rued the dire expression; nor stopped an instant, but hurried -out of the house--through the lawn--down the avenue--into a -hay-field;--the servants in hot pursuit. Not a moment was to be lost: a -drowning man, you know, will grasp at straws, and I crept for refuge -under a heap of hay. - -But whether they found me there, or how long I remained, or what has -become of me since, or what is likely to become of me hereafter, you -shall learn in my next. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XXXIV - - -I remained in my disagreeable situation till night had closed, and the -pursuit appeared over. I then rose, and walked through the fields, -without any settled intention. Terror was now succeeded by bitter -indignation at the conduct of Lady Gwyn, who had dared to drive me from -my own house, and vilify me as a common thief. Insupportable insult! -Unparalleled degradation! Was there no revenge? no remedy? - -Like a rapid ray from heaven, a thought at once simple and magnificent -shot through my brain, and made my very heart bound with transport. -When I name Monkton Castle, need I tell you the rest? Need I tell you -that I determined to seize on that antique abode of my ancestors, to -fortify it against assaults, to procure domestics and suitable -furniture for it, and to reside there, the present rival, and the -future victress of the vile Lady Gwyn? Let her dispossess me if she -dare, or if she can; for I have heard that possession is a great number -of points of the law in one's favour. - -As to fitting up the castle, that will be quite an easy matter; for the -tradespeople of London willingly give credit for any amount to a -personage of rank like me; and therefore I have nothing more to do than -make some friend there bespeak furniture in my name. - -It appeared to me that Jerry Sullivan was the most eligible person I -could select; so now, a light heart making a light foot, I tripped back -to the road, and took my way towards Monkton Castle, for the purpose of -procuring an asylum in some cottage near it, and writing a letter of -instructions to Jerry. - -It was starlight, and I had walked almost three miles, when a little -girl with a bundle of sticks on her back overtook me, and began asking -alms. In the midst of her supplications, we came to the hut where she -lived, and I followed her into it, with the hope of getting a night's -lodging there, or at least a direction to one. - -In a room, comfortless, with walls of smoked mud, I found a wrinkled -and decrepit beldame, and two smutty children, holding their hands over -a few faded embers. I begged permission to rest myself for a short -time; the woman, after looking at me keenly, consented, and I sat down. -I then entered into conversation, represented myself as a wandering -stranger in distress, and inquired if I had any chance of finding a -lodging about the neighbourhood. The woman assured me that I had not, -and on perceiving me much disconcerted at the disappointment, coarsely, -but cordially, offered me her hut for the night. I saw I had nothing -for it but to remain there; so the fire was replenished, some brown -bread and sour milk (the last of their store) produced, and while we -sat round it, I requested of the poor woman to let me know what had -reduced her to such distress. - -She told me, with many tears and episodes, that her daughter and -son-in-law, who had supported her, died about a month ago, and left -these children behind, without any means of subsistence, except what -they could procure from the charitable. - -All their appearances corroborated this account, for famine had set its -meagre finger on their faces. I wished to pity them, but their whining, -their dirtiness, and their vulgarity, disgusted more than interested -me. I nauseated the brats, and abhorred the haggard hostess. How it -happens, I know not, but the misery that looks alluring on paper is -almost always repulsed in real life. I turn with distaste from a ragged -beggar, or a decayed tradesman, while the recorded sorrows of a -Belfield or a Rushbrook draw tears of pity from me as I read. - -At length we began to think of rest. The children gave me their pallet: -I threw myself upon it without undressing, and they slept on some straw -with a blanket over them. - -In the morning we presented a most dismal group. Not a morsel had we -for breakfast, nor the means of obtaining any. The poor cripple, who -had expected some assistance from me, sat grunting in a corner; the -children whimpered and shivered; and I, with more elegance, but not -less misery, chaunted a matin to the Virgin. - -I then began seriously to consider what mode of immediate subsistence I -ought to adopt; and at last I hit upon a most pleasing and judicious -plan. As some days must elapse between my writing to Jerry Sullivan and -his coming down (for I mean to have him here, if possible), and as the -cottage is within a short distance from the castle, I have resolved to -remain with my hostess till he shall arrive, and to go forth every day -in the character of a beggar-girl. Like another Rosa, I will earn my -bread by asking alms. My simple and imploring address, my -half-suppressed sigh, my cheek yet traced with the recent tear, all -will be irresistible. Even the shrivelled palm of age will expand at my -supplication, and the youths, offering compliments with eleemosynary -silver, will call me the lovely vagabond, or the mendicant angel. Thus -my few days of beggary will prove quite delightful; and oh, how sweet, -when those are over, to reward and patronize, as Lady of the Castle, -those hospitable cottagers who have pitied and sheltered me as the -beggar-girl. - -My first step was writing to Jerry Sullivan; and I fortunately found -the stump of a pen, some thick ink, and coarse paper, in the cottage. -This was my letter. - - 'Honest Jerry, - - 'Since I saw you last, I have established all my claims, and am now - the Lady Cherubina de Willoughby, the true and illustrious mistress - of Gwyn Castle, Monkton Castle, and other estates of uncommon - extent and value. Now, Jerry, as I am convinced that you feel - grateful for the services, however trivial, which I have done you, - I know you will be happy at an opportunity of obliging me in - return. - - 'Will you then execute some commissions for me? Meaning to make - Monkton Castle (which is uninhabited at present) my residence, I - wish to furnish it according to the style of the times it was built - in. You must, therefore, bespeak, at the best shops, such articles - as I shall now enumerate. - - 'First. Antique tapestry sufficient to furnish one entire wing. - - 'Second. Painted glass enriched with armorial bearings. - - 'Third. Pennons and flags, stained with the best old blood;--Feudal - if possible. - - 'Fourth. Black feathers, and cloaks for my liveries. - - 'Fifth. An old lute, or lyre, or harp. - - 'Sixth. Black hangings, curtains, and a velvet pall. - - 'Seventh. A warder's trumpet. - - 'Eighth. A bell for the portal. - - 'Besides these, I shall want antique chairs, tables, beds, and, in - a word, all the casts-off of castles that you can lay hands upon. - - 'You must also get a handsome barouche, and four horses; and by - mentioning my name (the Lady Cherubina de Willoughby, of Monkton - Castle), and by shewing this letter, no shopkeeper or mechanic will - refuse you credit for anything. Tell them I will pass my receipts - as soon as the several articles arrive. - - 'I have now to make a proposal, which, I hope and trust, will meet - with your approbation. Your present business does not appear to be - prosperous: all the offices in my castle are still unoccupied, and - as I have the highest opinion of your discretion and honesty, the - situation of warden (a most ostensible one) is at your service. The - salary is two hundred a-year: consider of it. - - 'At all events, I do beseech of you to come down, as soon as you - can, on receipt of this letter, and remain a few days, for the - purpose of assisting me in my regulations. - - 'You might travel in the barouche, and bring some of the smaller - articles with you. Pray be here in three days at farthest. - - 'CHERUBINA DE WILLOUGHBY. - - '_Monkton Castle._' - -I now began to think that I might, and should summon other friends, on -this important occasion; and accordingly I wrote a few lines to -Higginson. - - 'Dear Sir, - - 'Intending to take immediate possession of Monkton Castle, which - has devolved to me by right of lineal descent; and wishing, in - imitation of ancient times, for a wild and enthusiastic minstrel, - as part of my household, I have to acquaint you, that if you should - think such an office eligible, I shall be happy to place you in it, - and to recompense your poetical services with an annual stipend of - two hundred pounds. - - 'Should this proposal prove acceptable, be so good as to call on my - trusty servant, Jerry Sullivan, in St. Giles's, and accompany him - down in my barouche. - - 'CHERUBINA DE WILLOUGHBY. - - '_Monkton Castle._' - -I then penned a billet to Montmorenci; ah, ask not why, but pity me. -Silly Cherubina! and yet, mark how her burning pen can write ice. - - 'My Lord, - - 'Pardon the trouble I am about giving you, but as I mean to reside, - for the future, in one of my castles (my birth and pretensions - having already been acknowledged by Lady Gwyn), I wish to secure - the parchment and picture that I left at my former lodgings at - Drury Lane. - - 'Will you, my lord, have the goodness to transmit them, by some - trusty hand, to Jerry Sullivan, the woollen-draper in St. Giles's, - who will convey them to me at Monkton Castle. - - 'With sentiments of respect and esteem, - - 'I have the honour to be, - - 'My Lord, - - 'Your lordship's most obedient, - - 'And most humble servant, - - 'CHERUBINA DE WILLOUGHBY. - - '_Monkton Castle._' - -Now this is precisely the formal sort of letter which a heroine -sometimes indites to her lover: he cannot, for the soul of him, tell -why; so down he comes, all distracted in a postchaise, and makes such a -dishevelled entrance, as melts her heart in an instant, and the scene -ends with his arm round her waist. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XXXV - - -As I was now about to go begging, I thought it necessary to look like a -beggar; so I dressed myself in a tattered gown, cap, and cloak, that -had belonged to the deceased daughter of my hostess. Then placing my -mother's portrait in my bosom, I sallied forth, and took the road to -the neighbouring village. - -Being Sunday, the rustics looked trim and festive, the nymphs and -youths frolicked along, the grandsires sat at their doors, the sun was -shining; all things smiled but the miserable Cherubina. - -At length I reached the village, and deposited my letters for the post. -The church, imbosomed in trees, stood at a little distance. The people -were at prayers, and as I judged that they would soon be dismissed, I -placed myself at the sacred gate, as an auspicious station for the -commencement of my supplicatory career. - -In a short time they began to leave the church. - -'One penny for the poor starving girl,' said I. - -'How are you? How are you? How are you?' was gabbled on all sides. - -'One penny,--one penny,--Oh, one penny!' softly faltered I. - -It was the cooing of a dove amidst the chattering of magpies. - -'And who was that stranger in the next pew?' said one lady. - -'One penny for the love of----' - -'She seemed to think herself too pretty to pray,' said another. - -'One penny for the----' - -'Perhaps motion does not become her lips,' said another. - -'One penny for the love of charity.' - -But they had gotten into their carriages. - -'If youth, innocence, and distress can touch your hearts,' said I, -following some gentlemen down the road, 'pity the destitute orphan, the -hungry vagrant, the most injured and innocent of her sex. Gentlemen, -good gentlemen, kind gentlemen----.' - -'Go to hell,' said they. - -'There is for you, sweetheart,' cried a coarse voice from behind, while -a halfpenny jingled at my foot. I turned to thank my benefactor, and -found that he was a drunken man in the stocks. - -Disgusted and indignant at the failure of my first attempt, I hurried -out of the village, and strayed along, addressing all I met, but all -appeared too gay to pity misery. Hour after hour I passed in fruitless -efforts, now walking, now sitting; till at length day began to close, -and fatigue and horrid hunger were enfeebling my limbs. - -In a piteous condition, I determined to turn my steps back towards the -cottage; for night was already blackening the blue hemisphere, the -mountainous clouds hung low, and the winds piped the portentous moan of -a coming hurricane. By the little light that still remained, I saw a -long avenue on my left, which, I thought, might lead to some hospitable -place of shelter; and I began, as well as the gloom of the trees would -permit, to grope my way through it. - -After much labour and many falls, I came to an opening, and as I saw no -house, I still walked straight forward. By this time the storm had -burst upon my head with tremendous violence, and it was with difficulty -that I could keep my feet. - -At last I fancied I could perceive a building in front, and I bent my -steps towards it. As I drew nearer, I found my way sometimes obstructed -by heaps of stones, or broken columns, and I concluded that I was -approaching some prodigious castle, where I should be sure to find -shelter, horror, owls, and one of my near relations. I therefore -hastened towards it, and soon my extended hands touched the structure. -My heart struck a throb of joy, and I began to feel along the wall for -some ruined portal or archway. - -Hardly had I moved ten paces, when my groping hands plunged into -unresisting air: I stopped a moment, then entered through the vacuity, -and to my great comfort, found myself under immediate shelter. - -This then, I guessed, was the great hall of the castle, and I prepared -my mind for the most terrible things. - -I had not advanced three yards, when I paused in much terror; for I -thought I heard a stir just beside me. Again all was still, and I -ventured forward. I now fancied that I heard a gentle breathing; and at -the same instant I struck my foot against something, which, with a -sudden movement, tripped up my heels, and down I came, shrieking and -begging for mercy; while a frightful bustle arose all round me,--such -passing and repassing, rustling and rushing, that I gave myself over -for lost. - -'Oh, gentlemen banditti!' cried I, 'spare my persecuted life, and I -will never, never betray you!' - -They did not answer a syllable, but retired to some distance, where -they held a horrid silence. - -In a few minutes, I heard steps outside, and two persons entered the -building. - -'This shelters us well enough,' said one of them. - -'Curse on the storm,' cried the other, 'it will hinder any more of them -from coming out to-night. However we have killed four already, and, -please goodness, not one will be alive on the estate this day month.' - -Oh, Biddy, how my soul sickened at the shocking reflection, that four -of a family were already murdered in cold blood, and that the rest were -to share the same fate in a month! - -Unable to contain myself, I muttered, 'Mercy upon me, mercy upon me!' - -'Did you hear that?' whispered one of the men. - -'I did,' said the other. 'Off with us this moment!' and off they both -ran. - -I too determined to quit this nest of horrors, for my very life -appeared in danger; so, rising, I began to grope my way towards the -door, when I fell over something that lay on the ground, and as I put -out my hand, I touched (Oh, horrible!) a dead, cold, damp human face. -Instantly the thought struck me that this was one of the four whom the -ruffians had murdered, and I flung myself from it, with a shiver of -horror; but in doing so, laid my hand on another face; while a faint -gleam of lightning that flashed at the moment shewed me two bodies, -pale, ghastly, naked, and half covered with straw. - -I started up, screaming, and made a desperate effort to reach the door; -but just as I was darting out of it, I found my shoulder seized with a -ferocious grasp. - -'I have caught one of them,' cried the person. 'Fetch the lantern.' - -'I am innocent of the murder!' cried I. 'I swear to you that I am. They -did not fall by my dagger, I can assure you.' - -'Who? what murder?' cried he. 'Hollo, help! here is a murder -committed.' - -'Not by me!' cried I. 'Not by me, not by me! No, no, no, my hands are -unstained with their blood.' - -And now a lantern being brought, I perceived several servants in -liveries, who first examined my features, and then dragged me back into -the building, while they searched there for some poachers, whom they -had been way-laying when they found me. The building! And what was the -building, think you? Why nothing more than the shell of an unfinished -house,--a mere modern morsel of a tasteless temple! And what were the -banditti who had knocked me down, think you? Why nothing more than a -few harmless sheep, that now lay huddled together in a corner! And what -were the two corpses, think you? Why nothing more than two Heathen -statues for the little temple!--And the ruffians that talked of their -having killed, and having to kill, were only the poachers, who had -killed four hares! Here then was the whole mystery developed, and a -great deal of good fright gone for nothing. - -However, some trouble still remained to me. The servants, swearing that -I was either concerned with the poachers, or in some murder, dragged me -down a shrubbery, till we reached a large mansion. We then entered a -lighted hall: one of them went to call his master, and after a few -minutes, an elderly gentleman, with a troop of young men and women at -his heels, came out of a parlour. - -'Is that the murderess? What a young murderess! I never saw a murderess -before!' was whispered about by the ladies. - -'What murder is this you were talking of, young woman?' said the -gentleman to me. - -'I will tell you with pleasure,' answered I. 'You must know that I am a -wandering beggar-girl, without home, parents, or friends; and when the -storm began, I ran, for shelter, into the Temple of Taste, as your -servants called it. So, thinking it a castle, and some sheep which -threw me down, banditti, and a couple of statues, corpses, of course it -was quite natural for me to suppose, when two men entered, and began to -talk of having killed something, that they meant these very corpses. -Was it not natural now? And so that is the plain and simple narrative -of the whole affair.' - -To my great surprise, a general burst of laughter ran round the hall. - -'Sheep banditti, and statues corpses. Dear me,--Bless me--Well to be -sure!' tittered the misses. - -'Young woman,' said the gentleman, 'your incoherent account inclines me -to think you concerned in some atrocious transaction, which I must make -it my business to discover.' - -'I am sure,' said a young lady, 'she carries the gallows in her face.' - -''Tis so pretty a gallows,' said a young gentleman, 'that I wish I were -hanging upon it.' - -'Fie brother,' said the young lady, 'how can you talk so to a -murderess?' - -'And how can you talk so,' cried I, 'before you know me to be a -murderess? It is not just, it is not generous, it is not feminine. Men -impelled by love, may deprive our sex of virtue; but we ourselves, -actuated by rancorous, not gentle impulses, rob each other of -character.' - -'Oh! indeed, you have done for yourself now,' said the young lady. -'That sentence of morality has settled you completely.' - -'Then I presume you do not admire morality,' said I. - -'Not from the lips of a low wretch like you,' said she. - -'Know, young woman,' cried I, 'that the current which runs through -these veins is registered in hereditary heraldry.' - -The company gave a most disgusting laugh. - -'It is,' cried I, 'I tell you it is. I tell you I am of the blood -noble.' - -'Oh blood!' squeaked a young gentleman. - -What wonder that I forgot my prudence amidst these indignities? Yes, -the proud spirit of my ancestors swelled my heart, all my house stirred -within me, and the blood of the De Willoughbys rose into my face, as I -drew the magnificent picture from my bosom, pointed a quivering finger -at it, and exclaimed: - -'Behold the portrait of my titled mother!' - -'See, see!' cried the girls crowding round. ''Tis covered all over with -diamonds!' - -'I flatter myself it is,' said I. 'There is proof irrefragable for -you!' - -'Proof enough to hang you I fancy!' cried the old gentleman, snatching -it out of my hand. 'So now, my lady, you must march to the magistrate.' -I wept, knelt, entreated, all was in vain: his son, the young man who -had paid my face the compliment, took charge of my person, and -accompanied by the servant who had seized me, set off with me to the -magistrate's. - -During our walk, he tried to discover how I had got possession of the -picture, but I was on my guard, and merely replied that time would tell -my innocence. On a sudden, he desired the servant to go back for an -umbrella, and take it to the magistrate's after him. - -The man having left us: - -'Now,' said the 'squire, 'whether you are a pilferer of pictures I know -not, but this I know, that you are a pilferer of hearts, and that I am -determined to keep you in close custody, till you return mine, which -you have just stolen. To be plain, I will extricate you from your -present difficulty, and conceal you in a cottage just at hand, if you -will allow me to support and visit you. You understand me.' - -The blood gushed into my cheeks as he spoke; but however indignant I -felt at the proposal, I likewise felt that it would be prudent to -dissemble; and as other heroines in similar predicaments do not -hesitate to hint that they will compromise their honours, I too -determined to give my tempter some hope; and thus make him my friend -till I could extricate myself from this emergency. - -I therefore replied that I trusted he would not find me deficient in -gratitude. - -'Thank you, love,' said he. 'And now here is the cottage.' - -He then tapped at a door: an elderly woman opened it, and within I -perceived a young woman, with a bold, but handsome face, hastily -adjusting her cap at a glass. - -'I have brought a wretched creature,' said he, 'whom I found starving -on the road. Pray take care of her, and give her some refreshment. You -must also contrive a bed for her.' - -The women looked earnestly at me, and then significantly at each other. - -'She shall have no bed in my house,' said the elder, 'for I warrant -this is the hussey who has been setting you against poor Susan, in -order to get you herself, and telling you lies about Tommy Hicks's -visiting here--poor girl!' - -'Ay, and Bob Saunders,' cried the daughter. - -'Sweet innocent!' cried the mother. 'And the three Hawkins's,' cried -the daughter. - -'Tender lamb!' cried the mother, 'and a girl too that never looked at -mortal man but the 'squire.' - -'And John Mullins, and Jacob Jones, and Patrick O'Brien,' cried the -daughter. - -'Think of that!' cried the mother. - -'Yes, think of that!' cried the daughter. 'Patrick O'Brien! the -broad-shouldered abominable man! Oh! I will cut my throat--I will--so I -will!' - -'Alas!' said I, 'behold the fatal effects of licentious love. Here is a -girl, whom your money, perhaps, allured from the paths of virtue.' - -'Oh! no,' cried Susan, 'it was his honour's handsome face, and his fine -words, so bleeding and so sore, and he called me an angel above the -heavens!' - -'Yes,' said I, 'it is the tenderness of youth, the smile of joy, the -blush of innocence, which kindle the flame of the seducer; and yet -these are what he would destroy. It is the heart of sensibility which -he would engage, and yet in that heart he would plant every rankling -pang, every bitter misery. Detestable passion! which accomplishes the -worst of purposes, through the medium of the best and sweetest -affections. She whose innocent mind ascribes to others the motives that -actuate itself, she who confides, because she would not deceive, she -who has a tear for real grief, and who melts at the simulated miseries -of her lover, she soonest falls a sacrifice to his arts; while the cold -vestal, who goes forth into the world callous to feeling, and armed -with austerity, repulses his approaches with indignation, and calls her -prudence virtue.' - -The young man gazed on me with surprise, and the mother had come -closer; but Susan was peeping at her face in the glass. - -'Look on that beautiful girl before you,' cried I. 'Heaven itself is -not brighter than her brow; the tints of the morning cannot rival her -blushes.' - -Susan held down her head, but cast an under glance at the 'squire. - -'Such is she now,' continued I, 'but too soon you may behold her pale, -shivering, unsteady of step, and hoarse with nocturnal curses, one of -those unhappy thousands, who nightly strew our streets with the -premature ruins of dilapidated beauty.' - -'Yes, look at her, look at her!' cried the mother, who flushing even -through her wrinkles, and quivering in every limb, now rushed towards -her daughter, and snatching off her cap, bared her forehead. 'Look at -her! she was once my lovely pride, the blessing of my heart; and see -what he has now made her for me; while I, miserable as I am, must wink -at her guilt, that I may save her from disgrace and ruin!' - -'Oh! then,' cried I, turning to the 'squire, 'while still some portion -of her fame remains, fly from her, fly for ever!' - -'I certainly mean to do so,' replied he, 'so pray make your mind easy. -You see, Susan, by this young woman's sentiments, that she cannot be -what you suspected her.' - -'And I am convinced, Susan,' said I, 'that you feel grateful for the -pains I have taken to reclaim the 'squire from a connection so fatal to -you both.' - -'I am quite sure I do,' sobbed Susan, 'and I will pray for your health -and happiness ever while I live. So, dear Miss, since I must lose him, -I hope you will coax him to leave me some money first; not that I ever -valued him for his money, but you know I could not see my mother go -without her tea o'nights.' - -'Amiable creature!' cried I. 'Yes, I will intercede for you.' - -'My giving you money,' said the 'squire, 'will depend on my finding, -when I return to-morrow morning, that you have treated this girl well -to-night.' - -'I will treat her like a sister,' said Susan. - -The 'squire now declared that he must be gone; then taking me aside, 'I -shall see you early to-morrow,' whispered he, 'and remove you to a -house about a mile hence, and I will tell my father that you ran away. -Meantime, continue to talk virtue, and these people will think you a -saint.' - -He then bade us all good-night, and departed. - -Instantly I set my wits at work, and soon hit upon a plan to accomplish -my escape. I told the women that I had an old mother, about a mile from -the cottage, who was almost starving; and that if I could procure a -little silver, and a loaf of bread, I would run to her hut with the -relief, and return immediately. - -To describe the kind solicitude, the sweet goodnature that mother and -daughter manifested, in loading me with victuals and money, were -impossible. Suffice it, that they gave me half-a-crown, some bread, -tea, and sugar; and Susan herself offered to carry them; but this I -declined; and now, with a secret sigh at the probability that I might -never see them again, I left their house, and hastened towards the -cottage of the poor woman. Having reached it, I made the hungry -inhabitants happy once more, while I solaced myself with some tea, and -the pleasing reflection, that I had brought comfort to the distressed, -and had reclaimed a deluded girl from ruin and infamy. - -Adieu, - - - - -LETTER XXXVI - - -After my last letter, I spent two tedious days in employments that I -now blush to relate;--no less than doing all the dirty work of the -cottage, such as sweeping the room, kindling the fire, cooking the -victuals; and trying, by dint of comb and soap, to make cherubs of the -children. What bewitched me, I cannot conceive, for the humanity of -other heroines is ever clean, elegant, and fit for the reader. They -give silver and tears in abundance, but they never descend to the -bodily charity of working, like wire-drawers, for withered old women -and brats with rosy noses. I can only say, in vindication of myself, -that those who sheltered me were poor and helpless themselves, and that -they deserved some recompense on my part for their hospitality to me. -So you must not condemn me totally; for I do declare to you, that I -would much rather have relieved them with my purse, and soothed them -with my sympathy, than have fried their herrings and washed their -faces. - -At the same time, take notice, I was not totally forgetful of my nobler -destiny; for I dedicated part of this period to the composition of a -poem, which I reserve for my memoirs. My biographer can say that it was -suggested by the story of Susan; and even if it should still appear to -be somewhat forced into my book, I would rather have this the case, -than suffer posterity to go without it altogether. Here it is. - - CAROLINE - - Beneath a thatch, where gadding woodbine flower'd, - About the lattice and the porch embower'd, - An aged widow lived, whose calm decline, - Clung on one hope, her lovely Caroline. - Her lovely Caroline, in virtue blest, - As morning snow, was spotless and unprest. - Her tresses unadorn'd a braid controll'd, - Her pastoral russet knew no civic gold. - In either cheek an eddying dimple play'd, - And blushes flitted with a rosy shade. - Her airy step seem'd lighting from the sky, - And joy and frolic sparkled in her eye. - Yet would she weep at sorrows not her own, - And love foredoom'd her heart his panting throne. - For her the rustics strove a homely grace, - Clipped their redundant locks, and smooth'd their pace; - Lurk'd near her custom'd path, in trimmest guise, - And talk'd the simple praises of her eyes. - But fatal hour, when she, by swains unmov'd, - Beheld the master of the vale, and loved. - Long had he tempted her reserve in vain, - Till one luxuriant eve that sunn'd the plain; - On the bent herbage, where a gushing brook, - Blue harebells and the tufted violet shook; - Where hung umbrageous branches overhead, - And the rain'd roses lay in fragments red, - He found the slumbering maid. Prophane he press'd - Her virgin lip, then first by man carest. - She starts, and like a ruddy cloud bestrewn, - At brake of morning, o'er the paly moon; - Or as on Alpine cliffs, a wounded doe - Sheds all its purple life upon the snow; - So the maid blushes, while her humble eyes - Fear from a knot of primroses to rise; - And mute she sits, affecting to repair - The discomposed meanders of her hair. - Need I his arts unfold? The accomplish'd guile - That glosses poisonous words with gilded smile? - The tear suborned, the tongue complete to please; - Eyes ecstasied, idolatry of knees? - These and his oaths I pass. Enough to tell, - The virgin listen'd, and believ'd, and fell. - And now from home maternal long decoy'd - She dwells with him midst pleasures unenjoy'd; - Till the sad tidings that her parent dear - To grief had died a victim reach her ear. - Pale with despair, 'At least, at least,' she cries, - 'Stretch'd on her ashes, let me close these eyes. - Short shelter need the village now bestow, - Ere by her sacred grave they lay me low.' - Then, without nurture or repose, she hastes - Her journey homeward over rocks and wastes; - Till, as her steps a hill familiar gain, - Bursts on her filling eyes her native plain. - She pants, expands her arms, 'Ah, peaceful scene!' - Exclaiming: 'Ah, dear valley, lovely green, - Still ye remain the same; your hawthorn still, - All your white cottages, the little mill; - Its osiered brook, that prattles thro' the meads, - The plat where oft I danced to piping reeds. - All, all remain unalter'd. 'Tis but thine - To suffer change, weak, wicked Caroline!' - The setting sun now purples hill and lake, - And lengthen'd shadows shadows overtake. - A parting carol larks and throstles sing, - The swains aside their heated sickles fling. - Now dairies all arrang'd, the nymphs renew - The straggling tress, and tighten'd aprons blue; - And fix some hasty floweret, as they run - In a blithe tumult to the pipe begun. - And now, while dance and frolic shake the vale, - Sudden the panting girl, dishevell'd, pale, - Stands in the midst. All pausing gather round, - And gaze amaz'd. The tabors cease to sound. - 'Yes, ye may well,' the faltering suppliant cries, - 'Well may ye frown with those repulsive eyes. - Yet pity one not vicious but deceiv'd, - Who vows of marriage, ere she fell, believ'd. - Without a mother, sire, or fostering home, - Save, save me, leave me not forlorn to roam. - Not now the gifts ye once so fondly gave, - Not now the verse and rural wreath I crave; - Not now to lead your festive sports along, - Queen of the dance, and despot of the song; - One shed is all, oh, just one wretched shed, - To lay my weary limbs and aching head. - Then will I bless your bounty, then inure - My frame to toil, and earn a pittance poor. - Then, while ye mix in mirth, will I, forlorn, - Beside my murder'd parent sit and mourn.' - She paus'd, expecting answer. None replied. - 'And have ye children, have ye hearts?' she cried. - 'Save me now, mothers, as from future harms - Ye hope to save the babies in your arms! - See, to you, maids, I bend on abject knee; - Youths, even to you, who bent before to me. - O, my companions, by our happy plays, - By dear remembrance of departed days; - By pity's self, your cruel parents move; - By sacred friendship; Oh! by those ye love! - Oft when ye trespassed, I for pardon pray'd; - Oft on myself your little mischiefs laid. - Did I not always sooth the wounded mind? - Was I not called the generous and the kind? - Still silent? What! no word, no look to cheer? - No gentle gesture? What, not even a tear? - Go then, ye pure! to heights of virtue climb; - Let none plead for me, none forgive my crime. - Go--yet the culprit, by her God forgiven, - May plead for you before the throne of heaven! - Ye simple pleasures of my rural hours, - Ye skies all sunshine, and ye paths all flowers; - Home, where no more a soothing friend I see, - Dear happy home, a last farewell to thee!' - Claspt are her hands, her features strewn with hair, - And her eyes sparkle with a keen despair. - But as she turns, a sudden burst of tears, - And struggles, as of one withheld, she hears. - 'Speak!' she conjures, 'ere yet to phrenzy driven, - Tell me who weeps? What angel sent from heaven?' - 'I, I your friend!' exclaims, with panting charms, - A rosy girl, and darts into her arms. - 'What! will you leave me? Me, your other heart, - Your favourite Ellen? No, we must not part; - No, never! come, and in our cottage live; - Come, for the cruel village shall forgive. - O, my own darling, come, and unreproved, - Here on this heart rest ever, ever lov'd; - Here on this constant heart!' While thus she spoke, - Her furious sire the linkt embraces broke. - Borne in his arms, she wept, entreated, rav'd; - Then fainted, as a mute farewell she wav'd. - But now the wretch, with low and wildered cries, - Round and around revolving vacant eyes: - Slow from the green departs, and pauses now, - And gnaws her tresses and contracts her brow. - Shock'd by the change, the matrons, stern no more, - Pursue her steps and her return implore: - Soon a poor maniac, innocent of ill, - She wanders unconfined, and drinks the rill, - And plucks the simple cress. A hovel near - Her native vale defends her from the year. - With tender feet to flint and thistle bare, - And faded willows weeping in her hair, - She climbs some rock at morn, and all alone, - Chaunts hasty snatches of harmonious moan. - When moons empearl the leafy locks of bowers, - With liquid grain, and light the glistening flowers, - She gathers honeysuckle down the dells, - And tangled eglantine, and slumbering bells; - And with moist finger, painted by the leaves, - A coronet of roses interweaves; - Then steals unheard, and gliding thro' the yews, - The odorous offering on her mother strews. - At morn with tender pause, the nymphs admire, - How recent chaplets still the grave attire; - And matrons nightly tell, how fairies seen, - Danc'd roundelays aslant its cowslipped green. - Even when the whiten'd vale is bleak with snows, - That verdant spot the little Robin knows; - And sure to find the flakes at dawn remov'd, - Alights and chirps upon its turf belov'd. - Such her employ; till now, one wintry day, - Some shepherds hurrying by the haunted clay, - Find the pale ruin, life for ever flown, - With her cheek pillow'd on its dripping stone. - The turf unfinish'd wreaths of ivy strew, - And her lank locks are dim with misty dew. - Poor Ellen hymns her requiem. Willows pine - Around her grave. Fallen, fallen Caroline! - -This morning, having resumed my muslins, I repaired to my castle, and -seated on the stump of a withered oak, began an accurate survey of its -strength, for the purpose of ascertaining whether it could stand a -siege, in case Lady Gwyn should attempt to dispossess me of it. I must -now describe it to you. - -It is situated about a quarter of a mile from the road, on a waste -tract of land, where a few decayed trunks of trees are all that remain -of a former forest. The castle itself, which I fear is rather too small -for long corridors and suites of apartments, forms a square, with a -turret at each corner, and with a large gateway, now stopped up with -stones, at the southern side. While I surveyed its roofless walls, -over-topt with briony, grass, and nettles, and admired the gothic -points of the windows, where mantling ivy had supplied the place of -glass, long suffering and murder came to my thoughts. - -As I sat planning, from romances, the revival of the feudal customs and -manners in my castle, and of the feudal system among my tenantry (all -so favourable to heroines), I saw a magnificent barouche, turning from -the road into the common, and advancing towards me. My heart beat high: -the carriage approached, stopt; and who should alight from it, but -Higginson and Jerry! - -After Higginson, with reverence, and Jerry, with familiarity, had -congratulated me on my good fortune, the latter looked hard at the -castle. - -'The people told us that this was Monkton Castle,' said he; 'but where -is the Monkton Castle that your ladyship is to live in?' - -'There it is, my friend,' answered I. - -'What? there!' cried he. - -'Yes, there,' said I. - -'What, there, there!' - -'Yes, there, there.' - -'Oh! murder! murder!' - -'How far are we from your ladyship's house?' said the postilion, -advancing with his hat off. - -'This castle is my house,' answered I. - -'Begging your ladyship's pardon,' said he; 'what I mean, is, how far -are we from where your ladyship lives?' - -'I live in this castle,' answered I. - -Jerry began making signs to me over the fellow's shoulder, to hold my -tongue. - -'What are you grimacing about there, Mr. Sullivan?' said I. - -'Nothing at all, Ma'am,' answered he. ''Tis a way I have got; but your -ladyship, you know, is only come down to this castle on a sort of a -country excursion, to see if it wants repairing, you know: you don't -mean to live in it, you know.' And he put his finger on his nose, and -winked at me. - -'But I know I do mean to live in it,' cried I, 'and so I request you -will cease your grinning.' - -'Oh, murder, murder!' muttered he, swinging round on his heel. - -The postilion now stood staring at the venerable edifice, with an -expression of the most insolent ridicule. - -'And what are _you_ looking at?' cried Jerry. - -'At the sky through the castle window,' said the fellow, reddening, and -shaking with smothered laughter. - -'Why then mind your own business,' cried Jerry, 'and that is, to take -the horses from the carriage, and set off with yourself as fast as you -can.' - -'Not till I am paid for their journey down,' said the postilion. 'So -will your ladyship have the goodness to pay me?' - -'Certainly,' said I. 'Jerry, pay the fellow.' - -'Deuce a rap have I,' answered Jerry. 'I laid out my last farthing in -little things for your ladyship.' - -'Higginson,' said I, 'shall I trouble you to pay him?' - -'It irks me to declare,' answered Higginson, 'that in equipments for -this expedition;--a nice little desk, a nice little comb, a nice little -pocket-glass, a nice little----' - -'In short you have no money,' cried I. - -'Not a farthing,' answered he. - -'Neither have I,' said I; 'so, postilion, you must call another time.' - -'Here is a pretty to do!' cried the postilion. 'Damme, this is a shy -sort of a business. Not even the price of a feed of oats! Snuff my -eyes, I must have the money. I must, blow me.' - -''Tis I that will blow you,' cried Jerry, 'if you don't unloose your -horses this moment, and pack off.' - -The postilion took them from the carriage, in silence; then having -mounted one of them, and ridden a few paces from us, he stopped. - -'Now you set of vagabonds and swindlers,' cried he, 'without a roof -over your heads, or a penny in your pockets, to go diddle an honest man -out of his day's labour; wait till master takes you in hand: and if I -don't tell the coachmaker what a blockhead he was to give you his -barouche on tick, may I be particularly horsewhipt! Ladyship! a rummish -sort of a tit for a Ladyship! And that is my Lord, I suppose. And this -is the Marquis. Three pickpockets from Fleet-street, I would bet a whip -to a wisp. Ladyship! Oh, her Ladyship!' and away he cantered, -ladyshipping it, till he was out of hearing. - -'That young person deserves a moral lecture,' said Higginson. - -'He deserves a confounded drubbing,' cried Jerry. 'But now, 'pon your -conscience, does your ladyship intend to live in this old castle?' - -'Upon my honour I do,' replied I. - -'And is there no decent house on the estate, that one of your tenants -could lend you?' said he. - -'Why you must know,' replied I, 'that though Lady Gwyn, the person who -has withheld my property from me so long, acknowledged my right to it -but a few days since, still, as she has not yet yielded up the title -deeds, in consequence of a quarrel which obliged me to quit her house, -it is improbable that the tenantry would treat me as their mistress. -All I can do, is, to seize this uninhabited castle which lies on my own -estate. But I can tell you, that a heroine of good taste, and who -wishes to rise in her profession, would infinitely prefer the -desolation of a castle to the comforts of a villa.' - -'Well, of all the wise freaks----' cried Jerry, standing astride, -sticking his hands in his ribs, and nodding his head, as he looked up -at the castle. - -'I tell you what, Mr. Sullivan,' interrupted I, 'if you have the -slightest objection to remaining here, you are at perfect liberty to -depart this moment.' - -'And do you think I would leave you?' cried he. 'Oh then, oh then, 'tis -I that wouldn't! And the worse your quandary, the more I would stick by -you;--that is Jerry Sullivan. And if it was a gallows itself you were -speculating in, I would assist you all the same. One can find friends -enough when one is in the right, but give me the fellow that would -fight for me right or wrong.' - -I shook his honest hand with warmth, and then asked him if he had -performed my commissions. - -'Your ladyship shall hear,' said he. 'As soon as I got your letter, I -went with it in my hand, and shewed it at fifty different -shops;--clothiers, and glaziers, and upholsterers, and feather-makers, -and trumpet-makers; but neither old tapestry, nor old painted glass, -nor old flags stained with old blood, nor old lutes, nor old any thing -that you wanted, could I get; and what I could get, I must pay for; and -so what I must pay for, I would not get; and the reason why, I had no -money; and moreover, as sure as ever I shewed them your letter, so sure -they laughed at it.' - -'Laughed at it!' cried I. - -'All but one,' said Jerry. - -'And he?' cried I. - -'Was going to knock me down,' answered Jerry. 'So, as I did not wish to -come without bringing something or other to you, and as you commanded -me to get everything old; egad, I have brought three whole pieces of -damaged black cloth out of our own shop, that I thought might answer -for the hangings and curtains; and I bought a parcel of old funeral -feathers and an old pall, from an undertaker; and I bought an old harp -with five strings, that will do any thing but play; and I stole our own -parlour bell; and I borrowed a horn from the guard of a mail-coach, -which I hope will do for a trumpet; and now here they are all in the -barouche, and my bed and trunk; and a box of Mr. Higginson's.' - -'But the barouche?' said I; 'how did you get that?' - -'By not shewing your letter,' answered Jerry; 'and besides, the -coach-maker knew me; and I told him it was for my Lady De Willoughby, -as beautiful as an angel--but he did not mind that--and as rich as a -Jew;--but he minded that; and so he gave me the barouche, and a -shake-hands into the bargain.' - -'Well, my friend,' said I, 'you did your best; so as soon as I can -raise a sufficient sum, I will furnish my castle in a style of gothic -grandeur, which your modern painters and glaziers have no notion of. -Meantime, if you and Higginson will pull down those stones that choak -the gateway, we will enter the building, and see what can be done with -our present materials.' - -They commenced operations with such alacrity, that they soon cleared -away the rubbish, and in we went. Not a sign of a roof on the whole -edifice: the venerable verdure of damp stained the walls, nettles and -thistles clothed the ground, and three of the turrets, inaccessible to -human feet, were to be come at only by an owl or an angel. However, on -examining the fourth, or eastern turret, I found it in somewhat better -condition than the rest. A half-decayed ladder, leaning against an -aperture in the ceiling above, tempted me to mount, and I got into a -room of about eight feet square (the breadth of the turret), overrun -with moss and groundsel, and having a small window in one of its sides. -From the floor, another ladder reached to another aperture in the -ceiling above; and on ascending it, I found myself at the top of the -tower, round which ran a broken parapet. This tower, therefore, I -determined to fit up and inhabit; and to leave the other three in a -state of classical dilapidation, as receptacles for strange noises, -horrid sights, and nocturnal Condottieri. - -I then descended, and made the minstrel and warden (for they have -consented to undertake these offices) draw the barouche within the -gateway, and convey the luggage up to the room that I meant for my -residence. - -The next matter that we set about was hanging the chamber with the -black cloth; and this we contrived to do by means of wooden pegs, which -the warden cut with his knife, and drove, with a stone, through the -drapery, into the crevices of the walls. We found two of the three -pieces of black cloth sufficient to cover the sides of the room; and -when the hangings were all arranged, I gazed on their sombrous and -antique effect with the most heartfelt transport. I then named it the -BLACK CHAMBER, and gave orders that it should always be called so. - -Our next object was to contrive a bed for me. Jerry, therefore, -procured some branches of trees, and after much labour, and with no -small ingenuity, constructed a bedstead, as crazy as any that ever -creaked under a heroine. We then hung it round with curtains of black -cloth; and Jerry's own bed being placed upon it, we spread the black -pall over that. Never was there a more funereal piece of furniture; and -I saw, with pride, that it rivalled the famous bed in the Mysteries of -Udolpho. - -The minstrel all this time appeared stupified with astonishment, but -worked like a horse, puffing and panting, and doing every thing that he -was desired, without uttering a word. - -Dinner now became our consideration, and I have just dispatched the -warden (like Peter, in the Romance of the Forest) to procure -provisions. Not a farthing has he to purchase any, since even the -half-crown which Susan gave me is already exhausted. - -But the light that enters at my window begins to grow grey, and an -appropriate gloom thickens through the chamber. The minstrel stands in -a corner, muttering poetry; while I write with his pen and ink on a -stool that the warden made for me. My knees are my desk. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XXXVII - - -Just at the close of evening, Jerry came running towards the castle -with a milk-pail on his head. - -'See,' cried he, putting it down, 'how nicely I have choused a little -milk-maid! There was she, tripping along as tight as her garter. 'Fly -for your life,' cries I, striding up to her: 'there is the big bull at -my heels that has just killed two children, two sucking pigs, two---- -Here! here! let me hold your pail for you!' and I whips it off her -head. So, what does she do, but she runs off without it one way; and -what does I do, but I runs off with it another way. And besides this, I -have got my hat filled with young potatoes, and my pockets stuffed with -ears of wheat; and if we can't eat a hearty dinner off these dainties, -why that our next may be fried fleas and toasted leather!' - -Though I was angry at the means used by Jerry to get the provisions, -yet, as dinner just then had more charms for me than moral sentiment, -instead of instructing him in the lofty doctrines of the social -compact, I bade him pound the grains of wheat between two flat stones. -In the mean time, I sent the minstrel to the cottage for a light and -some fuel; and on his return, made him stop up the window with grass -and fern. He then kindled a fire of wood in the centre of the Black -Chamber; for, as the floor was of stone, it ran no risk of being -burned. This done, I mixed some milk with the bruised wheat, kneaded a -cake, and laid it on the red embers, while Jerry took charge of -roasting the potatoes. - -As soon as our romantic repast was ready, I drew my stool to the fire: -my household sat on large stones, and we made a tolerable meal, they on -the potatoes, and I on the cake, which hunger had really rendered -palatable. - -The warden lifted the pail to my lips, and I took a draught of the -rural nectar; while the minstrel remarked, that Nestor himself had not -a larger goblet. - -I now paid the poor cottagers a visit, and carried the fragments of our -dinner to them. - -On my return, we resumed our seats, and hung over the decayed embers, -that cast a gloomy glare upon the bed and the drapery; while now and -then, a flash from the ashes, as they sank, shot a reddened light on -the paleness of the minstrel, and brightened the broad features of the -warden. The wind had risen: there was a good deal of excellent howling -round the turret: we sat silent, and looking for likenesses in the -fire. - -'Come, warden,' cried I, 'repair these embers with a fresh splinter, -and let me hear the memoirs of your life.' - -The warden consented, the fire was replenished, and he thus began: - -'Once upon a time when pigs were swine----' - -'I will trouble you for a more respectable beginning,' said I; 'some -striking, genteel little picture, to bespeak attention,--such as, "All -was dark;" or, "It was on a gloomy night in the month of November."' - -'That would be the devil's own lie,' cried Jerry, 'because I was born -in January; and by the same token, I was one of the youngest children -that ever was born, for I saw light five months after my mother's -marriage. Well, being born, up I grew, and the first word I said was -mammy; and my hair was quite yellow at first, though 'tis so brown now; -and I promised to be handsome, but the symptom soon left me; and I -remember I was as proud as Lucifer when I got trowsers; and----' - -'Why now, Jerry, what sort of trash is this?' said I. 'Fie; a warden -like you! I hoped to have heard something of interest and adventure -from you; that your family was respectable, though poor----' - -'Respectable!' cried Jerry. 'Why, I am of the O'Sullivans, who were -kings of Ireland, and that is the very reason I have not Mister to my -name, seeing as how I am of the blood royal. Oh, if 'tis the wonderful -your ladyship wants, by the powers, I am at home thereabouts. Well, I -was iddicated in great tenderness and ingenuity, and when I came of -age, I went and seized on O'Sullivan Castle, and fortified it, and got -a crown and sceptre, and reigned in great peace many years. But as the -devil would have it----' - -'Jerry,' said I, 'I must insist on hearing no more of these monstrous -untruths.' - -'Untruths!' cried he. 'Why you might as well give me the lie at once. O -murder! to think I would tell a falsehood about the matter!' - -'Sir,' said I, ''tis a falsehood on the very face of it.' - -''Pon my conscience then,' cried he, ''tis as like your own story as -one pea is like another. And sure I did not contradict you (whatever I -might think, and I have my thoughts too, I can tell you,) when you -talked so glib of your great estates; though, to be sure, your ladyship -is as poor as a rat. Howsomever, since you will have it so, 'tis all a -falsehood, sure enough; but now you shall hear the real story; though, -for that matter, any body can tell truth, and no thanks to them. - -'Well, then, my father was nothing more than a common labourer, and -just poor enough to be honest, but not poor enough to be a rogue. -Poverty is no great disgrace, provided one comes honestly by it; for -one may get poor as well as rich by knavery. So, being poor, father -used to make me earn odd pennies, when I was a boy; and at last I got -so smart, that he resolved on sending me to sell chickens at the next -town. But as I could only speak Irish at that time, by reason we lived -up the mountains, he sat down and taught me a little English, in case -any gentlefolks should ask me about my chickens. Now, Jerry, says he, -in Irish, if any gentleman speaks to you, of course it will be to know -the price of your chickens; so you are to say, _three shillings, Sir_. -Then to be sure he will be for lowering the price, so you are to say -stoutly, _No less, Sir_; and if he shakes his head, or looks angry, -'tis a sign he won't buy unless you bate a little, so you are to say, -_I believe I must take two, Sir_. - -'Well, I got my lesson pat, and off I set, with my hair cut and my face -washed, and thinking it the greatest day of my life; and I had not -walked a hundred yards from the house, when I met a gentleman. - -'Pray how far is it to the next village?' says he. - -'Three shillings, Sir,' says I. - -'You are a saucy fellow,' says he. - -'No less, Sir,' says I. - -'I will give you a box in the face,' says he. - -'I believe I must take two, Sir,' says I. - -'But, instead of two, egad, I got six, and as many kicks as would match -'em; and home I ran howling.--Well, that was very well, so when I told -father that I was beaten for nothing: - -'I warrant you were not,' says he; 'and if I had done so by my poor -father, he would have broken every bone in my skin,' says he. 'But he -was a better father than I am,' says he. - -'How dare you say that your father was better than my father,' says I; -and upon this, father takes me by the ear, and lugs me out of the -house. Just as we got outside, the same gentleman was passing by; and -he stopped, and began to complain of me to my father; and then the -whole matter came out, and both of them laughed very heartily. - -'Well, what do you think? 'Pon my veracity, the gentleman took me home -with him to clean the knives and boots. And then he sent me to school, -where I learned English; and then I began to tend at table, and at last -became a regular servant in the family. - -'Well, here I lived several years, and might have lived till now, but -that one night, when mistress had company, while bringing in the tray -of cake and wine, down I came, and broke all the glasses. - -'By this and that,' says mistress; (only to be sure, mistress did'nt -swear) 'you are quite drunk,' says she. - -'Never tasted a drop all day,' says I; and it was true for me, 'cause I -did not begin till evening. - -'Who taught you to tell falsehoods?' says she. - -'Troth, you did,' says I; 'for you taught me to tell visitors you were -not at home, when all the time you are peeping down the bannisters. -Fine fashions, indeed! Nobody is ever at home now-a-days, but a snail,' -says I. And I would have said more too, but that master kicked me out -of the house. - -'Well, that was very well; and now my misfortunes were all before me, -like a wheelbarrow. - -'This happened in the year of the Rebellion; so, being out of service, -I lived at alehouses; and there it was that I met gentlemen with rusty -superfine on their backs, and with the longest words in the world. They -soon persuaded me that old Ireland was going to ruin; I forget how now, -but I know I had the whole story pat at that time; and the end of it -was, that I became an United Irishman. - -'Howsomever, though I would have died for my country, it would be -carrying the joke too far to starve for her, and I had now spent all my -wages. So, at last, back I went to my old master, and fell on my knees, -and begged his pardon for my bad conduct when I lived with him, and -prayed of him to take me once more. Well, he did; and it was only two -nights after that we heard a great noise outside, and master comes -running into the kitchen. - -'Jerry,' says he, 'here are the rebels breaking into the house; and as -I know you are a faithful fellow, take this sword and pistol, and stand -by me.' - -'No, but I will stand before you,' says I. So we mustered our men, five -in all, and posted ourselves on the head of the stairs; when in burst -the rebels into the hall, and we began a parley. 'Why then, is that -Barney Delany?' says I to their captain. - -'Why then, is that Jerry Sullivan?' says he to me. 'You are one of us,' -says he, 'so now turn round and shoot your master,' says he. - -'I will cut off both my hands first,' says I. - -'Take that then,' says he; and he fires a shot, and I another, and to -it we kept, till we beat them all off. - -'Well, in a few months afterwards, this same Barney being made -prisoner, I was bound over as witness against him. So some of the -gentlemen with the long words came to me, and told me how wrong I had -acted in fighting for my master, instead of for my country, and that I -must make amends by giving evidence in Barney's favour. - -'Well, they puzzled me so, that from then till now I never could make -out whether I was right or wrong in standing by master. But somehow, I -think I was right; for though patriotism (as the gentlemen call it) is -a fine thing, yet, after all, there is nothing like gratitude. Why, if -the devil himself did me a kind office, I believe I would make shift to -do him another, and not act like the clergy, who spend their whole -lives in snubbing at him, and calling him all manner of names, though -they know, that, but for him, there would not be a clergyman or a fat -living in the kingdom. - -'Howsomever, I was persuaded to do the genteel thing by Barney Delany; -so, when the day for the trial came, I drank myself pretty -unintelligible; and I swore point blank, before judge and jury, that I -did not know Barney good or bad, and that all I knew of him was good; -and I bothered the lawyers, and they turned me from the table, and -threatened to indite me for perjury. But it was the people that did -praise me, and call it iligant swearing, mighty pretty evidence; and I -was the great man of the day; and they took me to the fair that was -hard by, where we tippled a little more, and then we sallied forth ripe -for fun. - -'Well, as we were running through the fair, what should I see but a -man's bald head sticking out of a hole in one of the tents--to cool, I -suppose,--so I just lifted up my cudgel, and just laid it down again; -when, in a moment, out came a whole set of fellows from the tent, and -the man asks which of us had broken his head. - -'It was myself,' says I, 'but curse me if I could help it, that skull -of your's looked so inviting. - -'Accordingly both parties began a battle, and then others, who had -nothing better to do, came and joined; they did not know why, but no -matter for that. Any one may fight when there is an occasion; but the -beauty of it is, to fight when there is no occasion at all. - -'Howsomever, in the midst of it up came the military to spoil sport as -usual; and they dispersed us, and made some of us prisoners, I among -the rest, and we were put into Bridewell. Well, that was very well. So -at night we contrived to break it open, beat the keepers, and make our -escape. Then what to do with myself was the question. It would go hard -with me if I were caught again; so I skulked about the country several -days, till happening to meet some lads going beyond seas to reap the -English harvest, they persuaded me to buy a reaping-hook, and go with -them. - -'But to be sure, to be sure, such a hurricane as we had at sea, and -such tumbling and tossing; and then we were driven to the world's end, -or the Land's End, or some end; but I know I thought I was come to my -own end. In short, such wonderful adventures never were known.' - -'What adventures, my friend?' cried I. 'I love to hear wonderful -adventures.' - -'Why,' said he, 'we had an adventure every moment, for every moment we -were near going to the bottom.' - -'And was that all?' cried I. - -'Then,' said he, 'there was such pulling of ropes, and reefing and -rigging; and we went over so many seas and channels; the Irish Channel, -and the British Channel, and the Bristol Channel, and the Baltic Sea, -and the Atlantic Sea, and---- Oh dear, as good as forty more.' - -'Forty more!' cried I. 'And pray what were their names?' - -'Bad luck to me if I can remember,' said he. - -'Probably you were in the Red Sea,' said I. - -'To be sure I was.' - -'And in the Black Sea?' - -'No doubt of it.' - -'And in the White Sea, and the Pacific Ocean?' - -'In every mother's soul of them.' - -'And pray what kind of seas are they?' asked I. - -'Why,' said he, 'the Red Sea is as red as blood, and the Black Sea is -as black as ink, and the White Sea is the colour of new milk, or nearer -butter-milk; and the Pacifi-ifi--What's that word?' - -'Pacific,' said I. - -'And what is the meaning of Pacific?' said he. - -'It means peaceful or calm,' answered I. - -'Gad, I thought so,' said he, 'for the devil a wave that same ocean had -on it high or low. 'Pon my conscience, it was as smooth as the palm of -my hand.' - -'Take care, Jerry,' said I, laughing; 'I am afraid----' - -'Why then,' cried he, 'that I may never----' - -'Hush!' said I. 'No swearing.' - -'By dad,' cried he, 'you had better tell my story yourself; for you -seem resolved to have it all your own way. May be you won't believe me -neither, when I tell you that I landed?' - -'As you are not at sea now,' said I, 'I will believe you.' - -'Well then,' said he, 'I suppose you will believe that I made a little -money by reaping, and then trudged to London to try my fortune.' - -'I make no doubt of the fact,' said I. 'But pray how did you contrive -to subsist in London at first?' - -'By spitting through my teeth,' said Jerry. - -'Take care,' cried I. 'This I suspect is another----' - -'If you mean lie,' said he, 'I have caught you at last; for 'tis as -true as true can be, and I will tell you all about it. You must know -that 'tis now the fashion for gentlemen to be their own coachmen; and -not only to drive like coachmen, but to talk, walk, dress, drink, -swear, and even spit like coachmen. Well, two days after my arrival in -London, as I was standing in the street, and looking about, I happened -to spit through my teeth, to the envy and admiration of a gentleman -that was just driving his own carriage by me. For he stopped, and -called me to him, and swore I should get half-a-crown if I would teach -him to _pickle a wig_,--that was the word. So when he gave me plain -English for it, I closed with him, and went to his house, and taught -him to spit so well, that my fame spread through the town, and all the -fashionable bloods came to me for instruction; till at last I had a -good mind to set up a Spitting Academy. - -'Well, I had now spit myself into such affluence, that I refused a -coachman's seat with forty pounds a year (for, as I said, even a curate -had more than that); and may be, instead of a seat on the box, I might -at last have risen to a seat in the Parliament (for many a man has got -there by dirtier tricks than mine), but that my profession, which was -of a nature to dry up my mouth, forced me to frequent porterhouses; -where, as the devil would have it, I met other gentlemen, such as I had -met before, and with just the same set of long words. - -'In a short time, all of us agreed that our country was ruined, and -that something must be done. So we made ourselves into a club, for the -purpose of writing ballads about the war, and the taxes, and a thousand -lashes that a soldier got. And we used to set ten or twelve -ballad-singers round a table in our club-room, each with her pint of -beer; and one of our club would teach them the tune with a little kit, -while I was in a cock-loft overhead composing the words. And they -reckoned me the best poet of them all; and they told me that my -writings would descend to posterity; and sometimes the thoughts came so -quick on me, that I was obliged to chalk them down on the back of the -bellows. But whenever I wanted an idea, I read the Weekly Register; and -then between the Register and the liquor, I got worked up to such a -pitch of poetry, that my blood used to run cold in the morning, at the -thoughts of what I would have done at night. - -'Well, one evening, the ballad-singers were round the table, sipping -and singing to the little kit, and I had just popt down my head through -the trap-door of the cock-loft, to ask the chairman the rhime for -_Reform_: - -'Confound you,' says he, 'didn't I tell you twenty times 'tis _a -storm_;' when in bursts the door, and a parcel of peace-officers seize -him, and the whole set, for holding seditious meetings, and publishing -inflammatory songs. Think of that! when I protest to you our only -object was, by causing disunion, and convincing our enemies that we -could not carry on the war, to procure a speedy and honorable peace. - -'Howsomever, I got out of the scrape by being concealed in the -cock-loft; and I remember well it was on that very night I first saw my -wife.' - -'Ah,' said I, 'give me the particulars of that event, the first meeting -of lovers is always so interesting!' - -'Why,' said he, 'going home sorrowful enough after the ruin of our -club, I resolved to drown care in a noggin; and accordingly turned into -a gin-shop, where I found three fruit-women from Covent Garden, bound -on the same errand.' - -'What dram shall we drink?' says they. - -'Brandy,' says one. - -'Gin,' says another. - -'Anniseed-water,' says another. And so they fell to and drank. - -'I am happy that I ever came to this City of Lunnun; for my fortune is -made,' says Brandy. - -'If my father had lived, I would be brought up to good iddication,' -says Gin. - -'If my mother had lived, I would be brought up at a boarding-school,' -says Anniseed-water. - -'Why, curse you,' says Gin, 'what was your mother but an old -apple-woman?' - -'And curse you,' says Anniseed-water, 'what was your father but a -gallows-bird of a bum-bailiff?' - -'And then they fell a fighting and scratching; and Anniseed-water (the -present Mrs. Jerry Sullivan) was getting well cuffed, when I came to -her assistance. So that was our first meeting.' - -'You may boast of it,' said I. 'Now then for your courtship.' - -'You shall hear,' said he. 'She was so much obliged to me, that she -asked me home to tea, and I went. I found her a buxom widow, and at -that time she was as fine a doorful, as tight a wench over a -washing-tub, as you would wish to see. And there was her daughter, and -a great deal of good company;--the tailor's wife, and the barber's -wife, and the pawnbroker's wife; and none so grand as they. And they -told as many lies over the first dish of tea as a parcel of porters -would over twenty barrels of strong beer. And a young valet, who I -could see was courting the widow, swore that it was as good to be out -of the world as out of the fashion, and then he whispered to her that -she looked killing genteel. But I only pinched her elbow, and I thought -she liked that better.' - -'It was very vulgar, however,' observed I. 'The first process is to -kiss the hand.' - -'Ogh!' cried Jerry, 'that is a slobbering trick, to be mumbling -knuckles just as a pup niggles at a bone. I am the man to take at once, -and fluster a woman, and reckon her ribs for her. No creeping up, and -up, and up; and then down, and down, and down, for me--Why, as I hope -to be saved, I gave that same widow a thundering kiss on three days -acquaintance.' - -'Poor thing!' exclaimed I. 'Well, and what did she say?' - -'Say? why she said, "Be quiet now, though I know you can't." So, of -course, I kissed her still more; while she changed colour in a minute -as often as a blackberry in a month. "Ha done, do;" says she, "or I -will call out, only there is nobody at home;"--when, at the moment, in -pops the valet, and catches us lip to lip. - -'Now he was a conceited sort of a chap, who used to set himself off -with great airs, shew his white hands--that, I verily believe, he -washed every day of his life;--curse and swear just like a gentleman, -keep a tooth-brush, and make both his heels meet when he bowed. - -'Well, I had nothing upon earth to oppose to all this but a bit of a -quarrel;--that was _my_ strong point;--and sure enough, I gave him -such a beating for catching us, that the widow thought me main stout, -and married me in a week. - -'With her money I set up shop; and I did not much mind her being ten -years older than myself, since she was ten times richer. I only copied -my own father there; for he once happened to be divided between two -girls, one of them with a single cow for her portion, and the other -with two cows; so he consulted his landlord which of them he should -marry, and his landlord bade him by all means marry the girl with the -two cows; "for," says he, "there is not a cow difference between any -two women." - -'So now that is my history.' - -'If I am to collect from it,' said I, 'the character of your countrymen -in your own class of life, I must conclude that they are frank, -generous, and noble; but neglected in their morals and education, and -oppressed by their superiors.' - -'Ay, there is the matter,' said Jerry. 'By way of keeping us quiet they -keep us down. Now that is just the way to prevent our keeping quiet, -for it is natural that men who are kept down should try to rise up.' - -'And why do they keep you down?' asked I. - -'Because,' answered he, 'we are of one religion, and they of another; -and they say our religion is so bad, that it would make us keep them -down, if they did not keep us down.' - -'Then,' said I, 'you ought to be greatly obliged to them for keeping -you down; because that is doing what they condemn, lest you should do -it. Now it is the highest possible test of good-nature, to become -criminal ourselves, in order to keep our friends virtuous.' - -'A wise legislator,' said the minstrel, 'ought not to forget the -eighteenth century, in his retrospection to the sixteenth, nor in his -anticipation of the twentieth.' - -'I know nothing of anticskippation,' said Jerry, 'but I will tell you a -bit of a story. When I first went to London, and was poor, I used to -dine in a cellar, with other Irishmen, where the knives and forks were -chained to the table, for fear we should steal them; though in my mind, -the surest way to make a rogue, is to let him know that you think him -one. Well, when we began to grow rich, we got a spirit, and broke the -chains, and paid for them; and broke them again, and paid for them -again, and so on. At last the master began to see that the same spirit -which made us break the chains would prevent us from stealing the -knives and forks; so he took off the chains, and then his table was no -disgrace, and we brought more company to it, and he made his fortune.' - -The minstrel and warden now retired to their allotted place of -rest--the barouche. Each was to keep watch in turn at the castle gate, -and to toll the hour on the bell. - -The wind still moaned round the turret; and now the fire, ghastly in -decay, but just tinged the projecting folds of the hangings. Dismal -looked the bed as I drew near; and while I lifted the velvet pall to -creep beneath, I shivered, and almost expected to behold the apparition -of a human face, starting from under it. When I lay down, I kept my -eyes quite closed, for fear of seeing something; nor was it till the -third bell had tolled that I fell asleep. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XXXVIII - - -I rose early this morning, and summoned Jerry to the Black Chamber, for -my head was teeming with the most important projects. - -'My friend,' said I, 'though Lady Gwyn has already acknowledged me as -the rightful owner, not alone of this castle, but of the house that she -herself inhabits, yet I cannot apply to my tenantry for rent, or even -raise a sum of money sufficient to purchase my breakfast, till she -surrenders up those deeds and parchments which would give me a legal -claim. Now as I fear I shall find it a hard matter to make her do so, I -have resolved on proposing a compromise, and on waving all title to the -house and demesne that she now occupies, provided she will consent to -put me in formal possession of this castle, and all the land -appertaining to it. - -'I have therefore determined to pay her ladyship a visit for this -purpose; but as I was driven from her house with disgrace once before, -I mean to return thither now with such a train of domestics as shall -put it out of her power to offer me insult, or detain my person. - -'Now, Warden, if I could but hire a set of servants, who would consent -to live in my castle and defend it, I would, on my part, give each of -them a lot of ground, and consider them as feudal vassals; and they -could accompany me to Lady Gwyn's. I have therefore to request that you -will instantly set off, and endeavour to procure them for me, as no -time is to be lost.' - -'Begging your ladyship's pardon,' said Jerry, 'you are sending me of a -fool's errand: for who but madmen would hire as servants in such a -castle as this? Would you have them build swallows' nests for -themselves under the windows, and live on suction like the snipes?' - -'Mr. Sullivan,' said I, 'cast no sarcasms, but go and do as you are -desired.' - -'Well, from this moment out, I say nothing,' cried Jerry. 'Nothing at -all, at all: but like the old woman's crow, I will be the devil for -thinking.' - -'Another sarcasm?' said I. - -'May be 'tis better for me to go at once, before I get into a scrape,' -cried he. 'So now, your ladyship, how many of these same feudal -vessels, as you call 'em; these vessels that are to have no drink----' - -'Jerry!----' - -'Well, well, give me my directions quick, and there is my hand on my -mouth till I am out of the castle.' - -'You may hire about fifteen or twenty of them,' said I. 'But remember, -I will have no dapper footmen, with smirking faces. I must have a clan -such as we read of in the middle ages; fellows with Norman noses, and -all sorts of frowns--men of iron, fit to live in comets.' - -'Better live in comets, than----' But he clapped his hand on his mouth -in time, and then ran down the steps. - -During his absence, I paid a visit to the poor cottagers, and after -having sat with them awhile, and promised them assistance before -evening, I returned towards the castle. - -On approaching it, I perceived, to my great surprise, Jerry also -advancing at the head of about twenty strange looking men, all armed -with bludgeons. - -'Here are the boys!' cried Jerry. 'Here are the true sort. Few Norman -noses, I believe, but all honest hearts; and though they never lived in -comets, egad they lived in Ireland, and that is worth fifty comets. -Look at 'em. Hold up your heads, you dogs. They came over only to save -the hay, and reap the harvest; but when they found their countryman and -a woman in distress, they volunteered their services; and now here they -are, ready for that same Lady Gwyn, or any lady in the land.' - -'Welcome, my friends,' said I; 'and be well assured that I will reward -you munificently.' - -'Three cheers!' cried Jerry. - -They gave three cheers. - -My heart dilated with exultation at beholding this assemblage of feudal -vassals at my command; and in a moment I had arranged my project. As it -was expedient to inspire Lady Gwyn with respect and awe, I resolved on -making the best possible display of my power, taste, and feudal -magnificence. Of course, I meant to visit her in my barouche; and since -I had no horses for it, my plan was to make some of my domestics draw -it in a triumphal manner, while the rest should follow in procession. -To let them escort me in their own ragged and unclassical dresses was -impossible; but I think you will give me credit for my ingenuity in -supplying them with others. I determined to divide the black cloth into -large pieces, which they should wear as cloaks, and to stick a black -feather in each of their hats, a costume that would give them the -pleasing appearance of Udolphian Condottieri. - -We now set about making the cloaks, but as we had not sufficient cloth -remaining, we were obliged to strip the Black Chamber of part of its -hangings. - -I had appropriated a large portion of the cloth to make flowing drapery -for Higginson, whom I meant to take in the barouche with me; but as -minstrels never wear hats, and have always bald heads, I was at a loss -how to manage about his, since he still cherished and curled his locks, -with a spruceness most unmeet for minstrelsy. At last, after repeated -assurances how much better he would look, I persuaded him to let Jerry -shave the crown of his head. - -Accordingly, Jerry performed the tonsoral operation in the Black -Chamber, while I remained below, fixing the feathers and cloaks on my -domestics. These poor fellows, who, I suppose, had never read even an -alphabet, much less a romance, in their lives, stood gaping at each -other in silent wonder, though some of them attempted unmeaning, and, I -must say, troublesome jests on what was going forward. - -When drest, a more formidable and picturesque group than they presented -you never beheld, and while I was still admiring them, forth from the -turret issued the minstrel. But such a spectacle! Half his huge head -was shorn of its hair: his black garments, knotted just under his bare -neck, gave a new ghastliness to his face, while his eyes, as he -rivetted them upon me, were starting out of their sockets with anxiety -and agitation. He looked preternatural. To contain was impossible: I -began laughing, and the Irishman uttered a shout of derision. - -The poor man looked round him, turned as pale as ashes; his face began -to work and quiver, and at last he burst into a piteous fit of crying. -Then suddenly lifting a prodigious stone, he whirled it at Jerry's -head, who ducked for his life, and saved it. - -'And what did I do to you?' cried Jerry. - -'You shaved my head because you knew it would spoil my looks,' cried -the minstrel. 'And you are endeavouring to outdo me with my mistress, -and she likes you better than me;--but it cannot be holpen. Oh, dear, -dear!' - -I tried to sooth him: nothing would do, nor could I persuade him to -accompany me; so now, all being ready, I posted two sentinels on the -top of the turret, and then got into my barouche. Six vassals were -deputed to draw it, the rest followed with their oaken saplings under -their cloaks, and Jerry headed the whole. Never was a more august -procession; and I will venture to say, that this country, at least, -never saw any thing like it. - -As we proceeded along the road, the people ran out of their houses to -gaze on us. Some said that we were strolling players, and others swore -that we were going to a funeral; while a rabble of boys and girls -capered at our heels, and gathered as we went. - -It was not till about five o'clock that we reached Lady Gwyn's avenue. -We paused there a moment, while I made my attendants shake the dust -from their cloaks, and wipe the barouche; and now, with a beating -heart, I found myself at her door. - -Jerry then pealed an authoritative rap. The door opened. The servant -stared. - -'Inform the Lady Gwyn,' said I, 'that her niece, the Lady Cherubina de -Willoughby, desires the honour of a conference with her.' - -The fellow grinned, and vanished; and, in a few minutes, out came her -ladyship, accompanied by several guests, some of whose faces I -remembered having seen there before. I therefore felt doubly delighted -that I had come in such feudal and chivalric pomp. - -They greeted me with great kindness and respect. - -Carelessly bowing to Lady Gwyn, as I sat half reclined in the barouche, -I thus addressed her: - -'I now come to your ladyship with a proposal, which it is as generous -in me to offer, as it will be politic in you to accept. And first, -learn, that I am at this moment in actual possession of Monkton Castle, -the noble seat of my ancestors. To that castle, and to this house, your -ladyship has already acknowledged my just right; and to both, of -course, I can establish my claim by a judiciary process. - -'As, however, I prefer a more amicable mode of adjustment, and am -willing to spare the effusion of money, I now declare my readiness to -make over this house and demesne to your ladyship, and to your heirs -for ever, on condition that you, on your part, will surrender to me, -without delay or reservation, the title deeds of Monkton Castle, and -all the Monkton estate. This is a generous proposal. What say you? Yes -or no?' - -'Lady Cherubina,' returned her ladyship, 'I cannot think of entering -into terms with you, till you restore the portrait that you purloined -from this house. But, in the mean time, as a proof of my desire to -settle matters amicably, I request the honour of your company at dinner -to-day.' - -'Your ladyship must excuse me,' said I, with a noble air. 'During our -present dispute respecting this house, I should deem it derogatory to -my honour and my dignity, were I to enter it in the capacity of guest.' - -'Why then, death and 'ounds!' cried Jerry, 'is it to refuse so good an -offer, after starving all the morning!' - -'Starving!' cried Lady Gwyn. - -'We have not put a morsel inside our mouths this blessed day,' said -Jerry; 'and even yesterday we dined on potatoes and milk, and a sort of -a contrivance of a cake that your ladyship would'nt throw to your cat.' - -I thought I should drop at this exposure of our poverty, and I -commanded him to be silent. - -'Time enough for silence when one has spoken,' cried he. 'But sure, -would'nt it vex a saint to hear you talking about honour and dignity, -when all the time you are in a starving state!' - -'Sensibly remarked,' said Lady Gwyn. 'And pray, my good fellow, who are -you?' - -'My warden,' answered I quickly, lest he should speak. 'And these are -my feudal vassals; and I have left my minstrel, and the rest of my -faithful people, on the battlements of the eastern tower, just over the -Black Chamber, to guard my castle.' - -'And for all this fine talk,' cried Jerry, 'we have not so much as a -rap farthing amongst the whole set of us. So pray, your ladyship, do -make her stay dinner--Do. Or may be,' (said he, getting closer and -whispering Lady Gwyn), 'may be you would just lend her half-a-crown or -so; and, 'pon my soul, I will pay you myself in ten days.' - -'Silence, traitor!' cried I, rising in the barouche, and dignifying my -manner. 'I do not want a dinner: I would not accept of a dinner; but -above all, of a dinner in this house, till I am mistress of it!' - -'And is it true,' cried Jerry to Lady Gwyn, 'that she is the real -mistress of this house?' - -'Oh! certainly, certainly,' said her ladyship. - -'Oh! certainly, certainly,' said the guests. - -'Well, bad luck to me, if ever I believed it, till this moment,' cried -Jerry. 'And why then won't your ladyship give it up to her?' - -'Because,' answered she, 'the quiet surrender of an estate was never -yet read of in romances.' - -''Tis the only rational excuse you can assign,' said I. - -'Dinner is on the table,' said the butler coming to the door. - -'And so,' cried Jerry to me, 'you won't dine in this house till you are -mistress of it?' - -'Never, as I hope to see heaven!' answered I. - -'And so,' cried he to Lady Gwyn, 'you won't make her mistress of it?' - -'Never, as I hope to see heaven!' answered she. - -'Why then,' cried Jerry, 'since one refuses to dine in it till she is -mistress of it, and since the other owns that she ought to be mistress -of it, and yet won't make her mistress of it; by the powers, I will -make her mistress of it in two minutes!' - -So saying, he shouted some words in an uncouth jargon (Irish, I -suppose) to my vassals, several of whom instantly darted into the -house, others brandished their sticks in the faces of the guests; Jerry -himself ran, lifted me from the barouche, and bore me into the hall; -while the rest brought up the rear, and beat back the gentlemen who -were attempting to rush between us and the door. - -Jerry set me down in the hall, where I stood motionless, while some of -my domestics scudded, with merry uproar, through kitchen, parlour, -drawing-room, garret; and drove footman, maid, valet, cook, scullion, -and lap-dog, all out of the house. - -'Now then,' cried Jerry, shutting the hall-door, 'your ladyship is in -quiet possession for ever and ever.' - -'Jerry,' said I, 'there is no knowing how this will end. But come into -that parlour, for some of my people are making a sad riot there.' - -In we went; it was the dining-room, and to my great astonishment, I -found about a dozen of my domestics already round the table, eating and -drinking as if nothing had happened. In vain Jerry and I desired them -to desist; they did not even seem to hear us. They laughed and capered, -and tore whole joints with their hands, and swallowed the richest wines -from the decanters. The rest soon flocked in, and then such a scene of -confusion arose as struck me with utter dismay. And now, having glutted -themselves, they ran to the windows, and exhibited the mangled meat and -diminished wine to the dismayed eyes of poor Lady Gwyn. There she stood -in the midst of her friends, looking like a bedlamite; and as soon as I -appeared, she beckoned me, with the most frantic gesticulations, to -open the window. - -I called the warden to my side, and flung up the sash. - -'Let us in, let us in!' cried she. 'My house will be destroyed by these -diabolical miscreants! Oh! let us in, let us in!' - -'Lady Gwyn,' said I, 'these outrages are on my house, not on your's. -But be well assured that whatever injury your personal property may -sustain, it is contrary to my wishes, and will by me be amply -compensated.' - -'Gracious powers!' exclaimed she. 'My precious cabinet, and all my -furniture will be demolished! Won't you save my house? won't you? dear -ma'am, won't you?' - -'_Your_ house?' cried Jerry. 'Why I had your own word for it just now -that it was my own lady's house. So, if you told a lie, take the -consequence. But we have got possession, and let me see who will dare -drive us out.' - -'Here they are that will soon drive you out!' cried a servant. - -'Here they are, here they are!' echoed every one. - -All eyes were now directed down the avenue, and, to my horror, I -perceived a large party of soldiers, in full march towards the house. - -'We shall have a bloody battle of it,' whispered Jerry. 'But never -fear, my lady, we will fight to the last gasp. Hollo, lads, here is a -battle for you!' - -At that magic word, all the Irishmen clubbed their sticks, and ran -forward. - -'We must surrender,' said I. 'Never could I bear the dreadful contest.' - -'By the mother that bore me,' cried Jerry, 'I will defend the house in -spite of you!' - -'Then I will walk out of it,' said I. - -'Well, surrender away!' cried Jerry, 'and may all the---- Oh! murder, -murder, to give up your own house without a bit of a battle!' - -By this time the soldiers had arrived, and the magistrate who was at -their head, advanced, and desired me to have the door opened instantly. - -'Provided you pledge yourself that none of my brave fellows shall be -punished,' answered I. - -'You shall all be punished with the utmost rigour of the law,' said the -magistrate. - -'Since that is the case then,' cried I, 'and since I cannot keep -possession of my house, I am resolved that no one else shall. Know, -Sir, I have, at this instant, six of my domestics, each with a lighted -brand, stationed in different apartments; and the moment you order your -men to advance, that moment I give the signal, and the house bursts -into a blaze.' - -'If you dare,' cried the magistrate. - -'Dare!' cried Lady Gwyn. 'The creature would dare any thing. Dare! why -she burned a house once before. She did, I protest to you; so pray, -make some conditions with her, or she will burn this now. I tell you -the girl is quite----' and she whispered something in the magistrate's -ear. - -'Well,' said the magistrate to me, 'will you promise never to come here -again, provided I now let you and your gang pass without detention or -punishment?' - -'I will,' answered I. 'But I must make some conditions too. In the -first place, will your ladyship give me back my cloaths and the money -that I left behind me, when I was here last?' - -'I will,' answered her ladyship. - -'In the next place,' said I, 'will your ladyship promise not to prevent -me from inhabiting Monkton Castle, till such time as the law shall -determine which of us has a right to the contested estates?' - -'Undoubtedly,' replied her ladyship. - -'And now,' said I, 'I must have the distinct and solemn declaration of -every individual present, that neither myself nor my people shall -suffer any molestation in consequence of what we have done.' - -All present pledged their honours. - -'Now then,' said I, 'we will open the door.' - -Accordingly, the warden opened it, and I issued forth with a majestic -demeanour, while my awful band marched after their triumphant mistress. - -Lady Gwyn and her guests hastened into the house, without even wishing -me good evening, and the soldiers drew up before the door. - -In a few minutes, a servant came out with my dresses and the money. -Having received them, I got into my barouche, and, drawn by my vassals, -proceeded homeward. We were silent for some time, but at length I -called Jerry to the side of the carriage. - -'Well, my friend,' cried I, quite cheerful, 'I think we have come off -famously.' - -'Yes,' said Jerry. - -'I flatter myself,' added I, 'we have made a good day's work of it.' - -'Yes,' said Jerry. - -'Nothing but yes!' said I. 'Why now, do you not think we have obtained -the most decisive advantages? Was it not a glorious affair?' - -'Since I must speak out,' cried Jerry, 'I think it was the bluest -business that ever was botched by poltroons.' - -'It was all your own doing, however,' said I. 'So now you may walk on, -Sir.' - -Jerry tossed his hat at one side, and strutted forward. - -'Come back, Jerry,' cried I. 'Here is my hand. You are a faithful -fellow, and would have died for me.' - -'Ah, bless you!' cried he. 'You quarrel like a cat, but you make up -like an angel!' - -It was night before we reached the castle; and as I had not tasted a -morsel all day, I dispatched Jerry to the village for provisions, and -other matters. I then divided six guineas among my domestics, and -desired them to return next morning, as I should want them to repair -the fortifications, dig a mote, and excavate subterranean passages. - -They gave three cheers, and departed. - -In about an hour Jerry returned with a cart containing an abundant -stock of provisions;--bread, meat, potatoes, tea, sugar, &c. besides, a -kettle, plates, cups and saucers, &c. - -After having unloaded and dismissed the cart, we made a fire in the -Black Chamber, and supped. I then took a solitary walk, and carried -some victuals to the poor cottagers. They received the donation with -gratitude, and I left them to the comforts of a hearty meal. - -It is now probable that I may reside some time at my castle; and as to -my villa, I wish Lady Gwyn joy of it; for in my opinion it is a fright. -Conceive the difference between the two. The villa mere lath and -plaster; with its pretty little stucco-work, and its pretty little -paintings, and its pretty little bronzes. Nice, new, sweet, and -charming, are the only epithets that one can apply to it; while -antique, sublime, terrible, picturesque, and Gothic, are the adjectives -appropriate to my castello. What signify laced footmen, Chinese vases, -Grecian tripods, and Turkish sofas, in comparison with feudal vassals, -ruined towers, black hangings, dampness, and ivy? And to a person of -real taste, a single stone of this edifice is worth a whole cart-load -of such stones as the onyx, and sardonyx, and the other barbarous -baubles belonging to Lady Gwyn. But nothing diverts me more than the -idea that poor Lady Gwyn is twice as old as the house she lives in. I -have got a famous simile on the subject. What think you of a decayed -nut in an unripe shell? The woman is sixty if she is a day. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XXXIX - - -The moist shadows of night had fled, dawn shook the dew from his purple -ringlets, and the sun, that well-known gilder of eastern turrets, arose -with his usual punctuality. I too rose, and having now recovered my -wardrobe, enjoyed the luxury of changing my dress; for I had worn the -same cloaths several days, and consequently was become a perfect -slattern. How other heroines manage, I cannot imagine; for I have read -of some of them who were thrown among mountains, or into cells, and -desolate chambers, and caverns; full of slime, mud, vermin, dust, and -cobwebs, where they remained whole months without clean linen, soap, -brush, towel, or comb; and, at last, when rescued from captivity, forth -they walked, glittering like the morning star, as fragrant as a lily, -and as fresh as an oyster. - -We breakfasted on the top of the tower; and after our repast, the -minstrel told me that he had employed the day before in composing a -Metrical Romance, called 'Monkton Castle;' which, with my permission, -he would now repeat. - -I was delighted; and to give it every advantage, I placed him at the -harp, flung his black garments over him, and making him sit on the -battlements, endeavoured to fix him in the fine attitude of old Allan -Bane; but his limbs were so muscular and impracticable, that I could -make nothing of them. With an emphatic enunciation, he thus began. - - MONKTON CASTLE - - A METRICAL ROMANCE - - - Awake, my harp, sweet plaintiff, wake once more, - Now while bedight in shadowy amice dim, - Eve bathes the mountains in her radiant gore, - And edges ocean with a fiery rim. - And while I touch, with nails ypared anew, - Thy parallel and quadrupedal strings, - May fairies brush away the vesper dew, - That else mote moist the chorded chitterlings. - And ah! full oft the learned tribe, I trow, - With baleful dews of cavil damp thy strain. - But morning shall return, the sun shall glow, - The baleful dews shall fly, the harp shall sound again. - - It was a castle of turrets grey, - All nettles and chickweed inside; - Where the wind did howl the livelong day, - And the livelong night beside. - It had no windows or roof, I am sure, - Or parlour for Bell-accoyle; - Where a Belamay and a Belamoure, - In daynt Bellgards mote moyl. - -'That same parlour,' said Jerry, 'has bells enough to bother the -rookery of Thomastown, and that is the largest in Ireland.' - - Nathlesse, to stablish her rights, I ween, - Came to that castle fair Cherubine. - Nor the wind day and night could her astound, - Nor the nettles and chickweed that grew on the ground. - She was of the house of De Willoughby, - And her story was long and melancholie; - But her beauty never could rivalled be. - - Glittered her tresses like beams of sun, - And snake-like over her neck did run. - Her cheek, where dimples made beauteous breach, - Lovelily smiled, and the down on each - Was soft as fur of unfingered peach. - While thro' her marble a blush did gleam, - Like ruddy berries, all crushed in cream. - - The minstrel to the castle hied, - His mother's hope, his mother's pride. - Gramercy, how that mother cried! - He was a gentle man of thought, - And grave, but not ungracious aught. - His face with thinking lines was wrought. - And though his head was bald a space, - Than he who shore it will get grace. - -'Now that is a slap at me!' cried Jerry. - - Yet, though he sold full half his books, - To lay out money on his looks; - The lady had such deep disdain; - That the poor minstrel, in his pain, - From the hour that is natal, - To the hour that is fatal, - Mote sing these words, and sing in vain. - - SONG - - _The birds are all singing, - The bells are all ringing, - And tidings are bringing, - Of peace and of joy. - Then let us, my treasure, - In love without measure, - And tenderest pleasure, - Our moments employ._ - -'Eh! what? what's all that?' cried Jerry. 'Why sure--body o'me, sure -you ant--Oh, confound me, but 'tis making love to the mistress you -are!' - -The minstrel blushed, and more pointedly repeated; - - But her favourite warden, could he but sing, - He not unlistened, would touch the string, - Tho' he was a man with unchisseled face; - From eye to eye too little a space; - A jester withouten one attic joke, - And the greatest liar that ever spoke. - -'Bad luck to you, what do you mean by that?' cried Jerry, running -towards him. 'I will box you for a shilling!' - -'You are not worth one,' exclaimed the minstrel, starting up. - -'I will leave your carcase not worth one,' cried Jerry. - -'That would be more than your's is worth now,' returned the minstrel. - -'For shame, my friends!' cried I. 'Mr. Higginson, I declare your -conduct is that of a child.' - -'Because you treat me like one,' said he. 'And you treat him like a -man.' - -'But you should treat him like a gentleman,' said I. - -'Well, well, well,' cried the minstrel; 'there is my hand for you, Mr. -Sullivan.' - -'And there is mine for you,' said Jerry. 'Hand in hand is better than -fist to fist at any time.' - -'I will defer hearing the remainder of your poem,' said I, 'till you -have altered it. But my good friend, do not forget to tell that I -inhabit the _eastern_ turret, and to give a full description of it. -You might begin thus: - - He who would view that east turret aright, - Must go at rosy-finger'd morning bright.' - -'Rosy-fingered morning!' cried Jerry. 'Why, how can the morning have -rosy fingers?' - -'It has not,' answered I. 'The poets only say so by way of ornament.' - -'And yet,' cried Jerry, 'if I had said, when I was telling you my -history, that I saw a set of red fingers and thumbs rising in the east -every morning, I warrant you would have called me a liar, just as you -did about that business of the Pacific Ocean.' - -'Why,' said the minstrel, 'we poets are permitted a peculiar latitude -of language, which enables us to tell Homeric falsehoods, without fear -of the society for discountenancing vice. Thus, when we speak of - - The lightning of her angel smile, - -we do not expect one to believe that fire comes out of her mouth, -whenever it laughs.' - -'Not unless her teeth were flints,' said Jerry. 'But if you said that -fire came out of her eyes, one would believe you sooner; for this I -know, that many and many a time Molly has struck fire out of mine.' - -'A heroine's eye,' said I, 'gives a greater scope to the poet than any -thing in the world. It is all fire and water. If it is not beaming, or -sparkling, it is sure to be drowned or swimming----' - -'In the Pacific Ocean, I hope,' cried Jerry. - -'No, but in tears,' said the minstrel. 'And of these there is an -infinite variety. There is the big tear, and the bitter tear, and the -salt tear, and the scalding tear.' - -'And, ah!' cried I, 'how delightful, when two lovers lay cheek to -cheek, and mingle these tears; or when the tender youth kisses them -from his mistress's cheek!' - -'Troth, then, that must be no small compliment,' said Jerry, 'since -they are so brackish and scalding as you say. Water itself is maukish -at any time, but salt water is the devil. Well, if I took such a dose -of a snivelling chit's tears, I would season it with a dram, or my name -is not Jerry.' - -'And, by the by, I wish Jerry were not your name,' said I. ''Tis so -vulgar for a warden. Indeed, I have often thought of altering it to -_Jeronymo_; which, I fancy, is the Italian of _Jerry_. For, in my -opinion, nothing can equal Italian names ending in O.' - -'Except Irish names beginning with O,' cried Jerry. - -'Nay,' said I, 'what can be finer than Montalto, Stefano, Morano, -Rinaldo, Ubaldo, Utaldo?' - -'I will tell you,' said Jerry. 'O'Brien, O'Leary, O'Flaherty, -O'Flanigan, O'Guggerty, O'Shaugnassy----' - -'Oh, ecstasy!' exclaimed a voice just beneath the turret. I looked -down, and beheld--Montmorenci himself, clad in armour, and gazing up at -me with an attitude that mocked mortal pencil. - -I waved my hand, and smiled. - -'What? whom do I behold?' cried he. 'Ah,'tis but a dream! Yet I spoke -to her, I am sure I spoke to her; and she beckoned me. Merciful powers! -Why this terror? Is it not Cherubina, and would Cherubina hurt her -Montmorenci?' - -'Jerry, Jerry,' said I; 'run down to the Black Chamber, and clean it -out quick. Sweep the ashes into a corner, hide the pipkin and kettle, -pin up the cloaks against the walls; put the leg of mutton under the -bed. Run, run.--My lord, the Lady Cherubina hastes to receive your -lordship at her ever-open portal.' - -I then descended, and met him beneath the gateway. His greeting was -frantic, but decorous; mine endearing, but reserved. Several very -elegant things were said on both sides. Of course, he snatched my hand, -and fed upon it. - -At last, when I supposed that Jerry had regulated the room above, I -conducted his lordship up the steps; while I anticipated his delight at -beholding so legendary, fatal, and inconvenient a chamber. - -His astonishment was, indeed, excessive. He stared round and round, -admired the black hangings, the bed, the bell, and the horn. - -'I see,' said he, advancing to the ashes, 'that you are even classical -enough to burn a fire of wood. But ha! (and he started,) what do mine -eyes behold beneath these embers? A BONE, by all that is horrible! -Perhaps part of the skeleton of some hysterical innocent, or some -pathetic count, who was murdered centuries ago in the haunted -apartment of this mysterious castle. Interesting relic! Speak, Lady -Cherubina. Is it as I suspect?' - -'Why,' said I, 'I believe--that is to say--for aught I can tell----' - -''Pon my conscience,' cried Jerry, 'her ladyship knows just as well as -I do that 'tis nothing but the blade-bone of mutton which she got -broiled for her supper last night.' - -'Impossible, Sir!' exclaimed his lordship. 'A heroine never eats of a -four-footed animal. 'Tis always the leg of a lark, or the wing of a -chicken.' And so saying, he began divesting himself of his spear, -shield, and helmet. - -'Pray, Mr. Blunderer,' whispered I to Jerry, 'did I not desire you to -clean out the room?' - -'You did not say a word about the blade-bone,' said Jerry. - -'But did I not bid you clean out the room?' repeated I. - -'Don't I tell you----' cried Jerry. - -'Can't you speak low?' said I. - -'Don't I tell you that not one syllable about the blade-bone ever came -outside your lips?' - -'Grant me patience!' said I. 'Answer me yes or no. Did I, or did I not, -order you to clean out the room?' - -'Now bad luck to me,' said he, 'if you ant all this time confounding -the blade-bone of mutton with the leg of mutton that you bade me put -under the bed. And accordingly----' - -'Gracious goodness!' said I, 'can't you speak within your breath?' - -'And accordingly,' whispered he, 'I put it under the velvet pall, -because I thought it might be seen under the bed.' - -'Well, that shewed _some_ discretion,' said I. - -'Though after all my pains,' said Jerry, 'there is the man in the tin -cloaths has just stripped down that same pall, and discovered the -mutton, and the parsnips, and the bag of salt, and the pewter spoons, -and----' - -'Oh, Jerry, Jerry!' said I, dropping my arms lifeless at my sides; -'after that, I give you up!' - -I then called to his lordship, and drew off his attention, by beginning -an account of all that had happened since our parting. He listened with -great eagerness; and, after my recital, begged of the warden to retire -with him, that they might consult on the best line of policy to be -adopted in the present state of my affairs. - -They descended the steps; I remained alone. Montmorenci had left his -helmet, shield, and spear behind. I pressed each of them to my heart, -heaved several sighs, and paced the chamber. Still I felt that I was -not half fervent or tender enough; something was still wanting, and I -had just asked myself if that something could be love, when I heard a -sudden disturbance below; his lordship crying out, 'Oh, what shall I -do?' and Jerry bidding him 'grin and bear it.' - -Down I hastened, and beheld Jerry belabouring him without mercy. - -'Wretch,' cried I, rushing between them: 'forbear.' - -'Not till I beat him to a paste,' cried Jerry. 'The villain, to go and -offer me a bribe if I would help him in forcing you to marry him.' - -''Tis false as hell!' cried his lordship. - -'I would stake my life that it is,' said I. 'So now, Mr. Sullivan, down -on your knees this moment, and ask pardon, or quit my service.' - -'But can that restore the teeth he has knocked out?' exclaimed his -lordship, with a finger in his mouth. - -'Teeth!' cried I, shuddering. - -'Two teeth,' said he. - -'Two teeth!' exclaimed I, faintly. - -'Two front teeth,' said he. - -'Then all is over!' muttered I. 'Matters have taken a dreadful turn.' - -'What do you mean?' cried he. - -'My lord,' said I, 'are you quite, quite certain that you have lost -them?' - -'See yourself,' cried he, lifting his lip. 'They are gone, gone for -ever!' - -'They are indeed,' said I. 'And now you may be gone too.' - -'Ha! what mean you?' cried he. - -'My lord,' said I, 'of this you must be conscious, that a complete set -of teeth are absolutely indispensible to a hero.' - -'Well?' cried he, starting. - -'Well,' said I, 'having lost two of your's, you must be conscious that -you are no longer a hero.' - -'You stretch my heart-strings!' cried he. 'Speak! what hideous whim is -this?' - -'No whim, my lord,' answered I; 'but principle, and founded on law -heroic; founded on that law, which rejects as heroes, the maimed, the -blind, the deformed, and the crippled. Trust me, my good lord, teeth -are just as necessary in the formation of a hero as a comb.' - -'By Heaven!' cried he; 'I can get other teeth at a dentist's; a -composition of paste that would amaze you. I can by all that is just.' - -'That you may, my lord,' said I, 'and be happy with them; for never can -you be happy with me.' - -'I am wilder than madness itself!' cried he; 'I am more desperate than -despair! I will fly to the ends of the earth, hide in a cavern, and -throw my ideas into a sonnet. On a fine summer's evening, when you walk -towards the mountains, sometimes think of me.' - -'Never as a lover, my lord,' said I: 'so put that out of your head at -once. Oh! it shocks me to think I should ever have received you as -one!' - -He began a tremendous imprecation; but was interrupted by the sudden -arrival of a gentleman on horseback with a servant after him. The -gentleman stopped, alighted, approached. - -'Mr. Betterton!' cried I; 'can it be possible?' - -'Nothing is impossible,' said he, with his obsequious bow and confirmed -smile, 'when the charming Cherubina prompts our efforts. You remember -you left me in a ridiculous dilemma, which your friend Stuart -contrived;--masterpiece of ingenuity, faith, and for which I freely -forgive him: he's an excellent young fellow; excellent, 'pon my soul; -and I have made my friends so merry with an account of that affair. -Well, I remained in limbo till the sessions, when none appearing to -prosecute, the judge discharged me; so the first use I made of my -liberty was to visit Lady Gwyn, who told me that I should find you -here; here therefore I am to pay you my devoirs.' - -I thanked him, and then bade Jerry run towards the village, and hurry -my vassals; as the castle lost much of its pomp without them. - -Jerry went: my visitors recognized each other; and already their -hostile feelings and opposite interests had began to manifest -themselves, when, to my great surprise, three men turned short round -the western tower, and stood before me. - -'That is she!' cried one of them. - -I looked at the speaker, and recognized in him the postilion who had -brought down the barouche. - -'Your name is Cherry Wilkinson,' said another of them to me. - -'Sir,' said I, haughtily: 'my name is Lady Cherubina de Willoughby.' - -'That is your _travelling_ name,' rejoined he: 'but your real name -I discovered at your lodgings in Drury-Lane; which lodgings I found out -from the wife of one Jerry Sullivan, the man that conspired with you to -swindle Mr. Perrot, the coach-maker, out of the barouche yonder. You -see, I have the whole story; so you need not deny it; and now, Miss, -look at this warrant. I arrest you, in the king's name, for the most -audacious piece of swindling that ever came in my way to know.' - -With these words he seized me, and was dragging me from the castle, -while I screamed for help. - -'A rescue! a rescue!' cried Betterton, and collared the man who held -me. Montmorenci laid hold of the other, and the servant felled the -postilion to the ground. And now a furious fight began. The man whom -Betterton had seized drew a pistol and fired it: at this moment, down -came the minstrel from the turret; I got loose and ran into the castle, -nor ventured to look again, till, after much uproar, I heard a shout of -victory from my friends: then venturing to the gateway, I saw the three -wretches limping from the place, in piteous plight. - -It now appeared that the ball aimed at Betterton had just grazed the -fleshy part of his servant's arm, which was bleeding a good deal. I -felt much shocked, and assisted him in binding the wound. This matter -employed some minutes, and during that time, I could perceive Betterton -and Montmorenci whispering earnestly together. - -At last Betterton addressed me thus: - -'Now, Lady Cherubina, should we remain here much longer, we shall -certainly be seized and imprisoned for having assaulted his majesty's -officers in the discharge of their duty. We have, therefore, nothing -for it but flight. My house is but a few miles distant, and as these -officers could not have known me, we shall be perfectly safe there. -What says your ladyship? Shall we repair thither?' - -'Sir,' answered I; 'as I was not concerned in that assault, and as I am -innocent of the crime for which they came to take me, nothing shall -induce me to quit my castle: if they chuse to make another attempt, I -shall go with them, establish my innocence, and return triumphant. But -if I am to act on the skulking system, how can I reside here at all?' - -Montmorenci now joined his entreaties, but I remained immoveable. Again -they retired to consult, and again came forward. - -'Lady Cherubina,' said Betterton, 'you must excuse me when I say that -both Lord Montmorenci (for his lordship has just disclosed to me his -noble lineage) and myself conceive ourselves fully warranted in -compelling, if we cannot persuade your ladyship, to leave this castle -(where we cannot remain to protect you), and in conveying you to my -mansion, where you will be safe.' - -'Compel me?' cried I. 'Compel me? But I disdain to hold farther parley -with you. Farewell for ever. Minstrel, follow me to the Black Chamber.' - -'Stop them!' cried Betterton. - -His lordship placed himself between us and the gateway: the minstrel, -brandishing his collected knuckles, struck him to the ground. Betterton -assailed my brave defender behind, the servant before; but he fought -with desperation, and his blow was like the kick of a horse. Still -numbers appeared about to prevail; and now his breathing grew shorter, -and his blow slower, when, transport to my sight! I beheld Jerry, with -several of my vassals, come running towards us. They reached us: the -tide of battle turns, and his lordship and the servant are well beaten -with bludgeons; while Jerry himself does the honours to Betterton, in a -kicking. - -Nobody could bear it more gently than he did; and after it was over, he -mounted his horse and vociferated: - -'Now, by all that is sacred, I will go this moment, raise the -neighbourhood, and have you driven from your nest, you set of -vipers;--you common nuisances, you! Lady Gwyn's castle shall no longer -be made the receptacle of ragged and marauding Irishmen.' - -So saying, off he gallopped on one horse, and his lordship on another; -while the servant trudged on foot. - -We now held a grand council of war, for affairs began to wear an -alarming aspect. If Betterton should put his threat of raising the -neighbourhood into execution, a most formidable force might be -collected against us. After much deliberation, therefore, it was -decided, that some of the vassals should be dispatched to collect more -of their countrymen, who, they said, slept in several adjoining -villages. I too wrote a note to Susan, begging that she would raise a -counterposse in my favour, and rescue me from an implacable enemy, as I -had rescued her from a criminal and fatal attachment. This note I sent -to her cottage by one of my vassals. - -During this awful interval, the remainder of those who had been with me -yesterday arrived. I planted sentinels and outposts, and employed the -rest in filling up the windows with stones, repairing the breaches, and -searching amidst the rubbish for the mouth of some subterranean cavern, -where I might conceal myself in the last emergency. - -As I had not a white and azure standard, like Beatrice, I directed -Jerry to stain a large piece of muslin with the blood of the wounded -servant, which still besprinkled the grass; then to fasten it on a long -pole, and hoist it, as my banner, at an angle of the eastern turret. - -Susan's cottage being only half a mile from the castle, the messenger -soon returned with an answer, that she would certainly assemble her -friends, and come to me. Just as he had announced these happy tidings, -another came back, with a fresh accession of ten Irishmen; and in a -short time more arrived; till at length we mustered to the amount of -fifty. - -I stood, and gloried in my strength. Already I beheld the foundation of -a feudal settlement. Already I considered myself the restorer of that -chivalric age, when neighbouring barons were deadly foes, and their -sons and daughters clandestine lovers. Ah! what times for a heroine! it -was then that the Lady Buccleugh and the Duchess of Cleves flourished. - -'And these,' cried I, in an ecstasy of enthusiasm, 'these shall again -revive in the person of Lady Cherubina De Willoughby!' - -As I spoke, Jerry came to tell me that one of the scouts had just -returned with information of his having seen a large party of Lady -Gwyn's tenants assembling about a quarter of a mile off; in order, as -he found on inquiry, to drive us from the castle. - -Now then was approaching the most important moment of my life, and I -resolved to support my part with dignity. As the first step, I dressed -myself in a style of magnificence suited to the occasion. Having flung -the drapery of embroidered gauze over my white muslin, I next (in -imitation of ancient heroines, who wore armour in the day of battle), -put Montmorenci's helmet on my head; then, with his shield in the one -hand, and his spear in the other, never did I look so lovely. - -I now called up the warden, and constituted him commander of the -forces; then ordered him to send six picked men, and the minstrel, as -my body-guards, up to the Black Chamber. - -They came; I equipped them in black cloaks and feathers, and made them -mount to the top of the tower. In a few minutes afterwards I myself -ascended with a beating heart. There I found the preparations for -battle almost completed. The bloody standard was streaming to the gale; -the body-guards were collecting a heap of stones from the broken -parapet; while beneath the turret I beheld the whole of my troops, with -oaken staffs, marshalled in awful array. The spectacle was grand and -imposing. Lightly I leaned on my spear; and while my feathered casque -pressed my ringlets, and my purfled drapery floated and glistened in -the sun, I stood on the battlements, mildly sublime, sweetly stern, -amiable in arms, and adorned with all the terrible graces of beauty -belligerent. - -I now resolved to harangue my men for the purpose of encouraging them, -and of attaching them to my person; but as I knew nothing of political -orations, I had nothing for it but to copy the speech of Beatrice in -the Knights of the Swan; and those that I had read in the daily prints. - -A profound silence prevailed; I waved my spear, and thus began. - -'My brave associates, partners of my toil, my feelings and my fame! Two -days have I now been sovereign of this castle, and I hope I may flatter -myself that I have added to its prosperity. Young, and without -experience, I merely claim the merit of blameless sentiments and -intentions. - -'Threatened with a barbarous incursion from my deadliest enemies, I -have deemed it indispensible to collect a faithful band of vassals for -my defence. They have come at my call, and I thank them. - -'I promise to them all such laws and institutions as shall secure -their happiness. I will acknowledge the majesty of the people. -(_Applause._) I will give to them a full, fair, and free -representation. (_Applause._) And I will grant to them a radical -reform; or in other words, a revival of the feudal system. (_Shouts of -applause._) I will assume no monarchial prerogatives that are unjust; -if I should, do not forget that the people have always the power and -the right to depose a tyrant. - -'I promise that there shall be no dilapidated hopes and resources; no -army of mercenaries, no army of spies, no inquisition of private -property, no degraded aristocracy, no oppressed people, no confiding -parliament, no irresponsible minister. (_Acclamation._) In short, I -promise every thing. (_Thunders of acclamation._) - -'Each man shall have an acre of ground, a cottage, and an annual -salary. (_Long life to you! cried the troops. That is the best thing -you have said!_) Such is the constitution, such are the privileges -that I propound to you. Now then, my brave fellows, will you consent on -these conditions to rally round my standard, to live in my service, and -to die in my defence? (_We will! we will! cried they._) - -'Thank you, my generous followers; and the crisis is just approaching -when I shall have occasion for your most strenuous exertions. Already -my mortal foe prepares to storm my castle, and drive me from my -hereditary domain. Already he has excited my own tenantry to sedition -against me. Should he succeed in his atrocious object, I must return -to my tears, and you to your sickles. But should we repel him, my -government will be secured, my territory perhaps enlarged, my castle -rebuilt; and the cause of liberty will triumph. What heart but throbs, -what voice but shouts, at the name of liberty? (_Huzza!_) Is there a -man amongst you who would refuse to lay down his life for liberty? -(_Huzza!_) And if, on an important occasion like the present, I might -take the liberty--(_Huzza!_) to dictate, I would demand of you this -day to sacrifice every earthly consideration in her sacred cause. I do -demand it of you, my friends. I call upon your feelings, your -principles, and your policy, to discard family, property, and life, in -a cause so just, so wise, and so glorious. Let eye, foot, heart, hand, -be firm, be stern, be valiant, be invincible!' - -I ceased, the soldiery tore the blue air with acclamations, and the -ravens overhead flew swifter at the sound. - -I now found that it was not difficult to make a popular speech; and I -judged that the same qualities which have made me so good a heroine, -would, if I were a man, have made me just as illustrious a patriot. - -After much entreaty, I persuaded the minstrel to deliver an address; as -he, being learned, might expound constitutions and political economy -better than I. He therefore leaned over the battlements, and began. - - 'Gentlemen, - - 'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking, I feel that words are - inadequate to express my high sense of the honour you have - conferred upon us. Gentlemen, I will institute an apt comparison - between the foundation of this little settlement, and that of the - ancient Romans; in order to prove, that this, though small at - present, may, like that, terminate in an extensive empire. - Gentlemen, Rome took its rise from a set of the greatest beggars - and reprobates that ever crawled upon earth----' - -'Throw him over, throw him over!' burst from the troops. - -The minstrel shrunk back in consternation. - -'Silence, lads,' cried Jerry, 'and I will make a bit of a speech for -you; but instead of sending you to Rome, I will send you no farther -than Ballinasloe. (_Laughter and bravo!_) Eh, my boys, don't you -remember the good old fun at the fair there? To be sure, how we used to -break each other's heads, without the least anger or mercy; and to be -sure, 'tis the finest feel in the world, when one gives a fellow a -neat, clean, bothering blow over the skull, and down he drops like a -sack; then rises, and shakes himself like a wet dog, and begins again. -(_Much laughter._) Ay, my boys, fighting may be an Englishman's or -a Frenchman's business, but by the Lord Harry, 'tis an Irishman's -amusement! (_Shouts._) So now, hearties, all you have to do is to -club your sticks, and fancy yourselves at Ballinasloe; and never heed -me if we havn't a nice comfortable fight of it.' - -Rude as was this rhetoric, it touched the domestic spring of their -hearts, and my patriotic promises did not produce half such a roar of -delight as followed it. - -Silence was but just restored, when I beheld, from my turret, our -enemies advancing in vast numbers across the common. I confess my heart -sank at the sight; but I soon called to mind the courage of the feudal -heroines, and recollected that I was in no personal danger myself. -Then, the greatness of the cause animating me with ardour, I exclaimed: - -'Lo! yonder come our enemies. To arms, to arms! Sound the tocsin; blow, -blow the horn!' - -A vassal blew the horn. - -The warden then stationed his men in front of the gate-way, which was -the only vulnerable entrance into the castle; and my body-guards, -holding huge stones, stood forward on the battlements. All was ready. I -trembled with agitation. - -And now the foe, having approached within fifty paces, halted to -reconnoitre. The traitor Montmorenci, divested of his armour, commanded -them in person. Betterton was seen on horseback at a distance; and the -troops themselves, about sixty in number, stood brandishing stakes, -bludgeons, and poles. As my men were not more than fifty in all, I -looked round, with anxious expectation, for the succours promised by -Susan; but no sign of them appeared. - -Montmorenci now began to form his troops into a compact phalanx, with -the poles and stakes in front; evidently for the purpose of piercing -our line, and forcing the gateway. Jerry, therefore, called in his -wings, and strengthened the centre. He then desired those in the turret -to direct all their stones against the foremost rank of the foe. - -'Soldiers,' cried I, 'listen to my last commands. The moment you shall -hear the horn sound again, whether in the midst of conquest, or of -defeat, hurry back to the gateway, and draw up just as you stand at -present; for while you are fighting at a distance, my castle may be -taken by surprise, unless I secure prompt assistance. And now, my brave -fellows, success attend your arms!' - -As I spoke, the foe began advancing at a rapid rate: my troops awaited -them with firmness; and when they had approached within fifteen paces -of the castle, I gave the word to my body-guards, who hurled several -vollies of stones in quick succession. Some of the foremost rank were -staggered by them; two behind fell, and amidst the confusion, in rushed -my troops with a tremendous shout. Thick pressed the throng of waving -heads, and loud grew the clamour of voices, and the clatter of staffs; -while the wielded weapons appeared and disappeared, like fragments of a -wreck on the tossing surges. For some moments both armies fought in one -unbroken mass; those struggling to gain the gateway, these to prevent -them. But soon, as two streams rushing from opposite mountains, and -meeting in the valley, broaden into a lake, and run off in little -rivulets; so the contending ranks, after the first encounter, began to -spread by degrees, and scatter over the plain. And now they were seen -intermingled with each other, and fighting man to man. Here a small -wing of my brave troops, hemmed in on all sides, were defending -themselves with incredible fury. There a larger division of them were -maintaining a doubtful contest: while a few straggling vassals, engaged -in single combat, at a distance, were driving their antagonists before -them. - -At this juncture, Montmorenci, with a chosen band that he kept round -his person, had attacked the warden, and a few who fought by his side. -These performed prodigies of valour; but at last, overpowered by -numbers, they were beginning to retire, covered with glory, when I -dispatched four of my body-guards, as a corps of reserve, to their -assistance. They rushed upon the chosen band, and checked its career. -It soon received reinforcements, and again pressed forward. I sent out -the minstrel and another vassal; and again its progress was checked. - -But now my castle had but a single defender: our foes were drawing -frightfully near; and if they could once turn our flank, they would -gain the turret, and make me their prisoner. This was the great crisis. -A moment more, and all might be lost. - -'Blow, blow the horn!' cried I. - -The vassal blew the horn. - -At the signal, I see my dispersed troops come pouring from all quarters -towards the castle. They reach the gateway, halt, and form a front -before it. The foe, who had followed them in a confused manner, seeing -them on a sudden so formidable, stop short. - -'Let the body-guards come into the castle!' cried I. - -The body-guards obeyed. - -'Now, soldiers,' cried I to the rest, 'if you rush upon the foe before -they can collect again, and keep in a body with your captain, the day -is our own.' 'Spring on them like lions! Away, away!' - -The whole army shouted, and burst forward in a mass. Jerry led the van. -Montmorenci with his sacred squadron fled before them. They pursued, -overtook the fugitives, and after a short skirmish, made the whole -detachment prisoners; while the remainder, scattered in all directions, -stood at a distance, and dared not advance. Never was a more decisive -victory. My brave veterans marched back in triumph with eight captives; -and then halting at the gateway, gave three cheers. - -Palpitating with transport, I commanded that the prisoners' hands -should be tied behind their backs, and that they should be confined in -the northern tower, with sentinels over them. - -As for Lord Montmorenci, his rank entitled him to more respect; so I -ordered the warden to conduct him up to the Black Chamber. - -I stood in the midst of my guards to receive him; and if ever grandeur -and suavity were blended in one countenance, it was in mine, at that -glorious moment. - -'My lord,' said I, 'victory, which so long hovered over the field with -doubtful wing, has at last descended on my legions, and crowned the -scale of justice with the laurel of triumph. But though it has also put -the person and the fate of the hostile chieftain in my hands, think not -I mean to use my power with harshness. Within these walls your lordship -shall experience the kindest treatment; but beyond them you must not be -permitted to go, till my rights are re-established and my rebellious -vassals restored to their allegiance.' - -'Fal lal la, lal lal la,' said his lordship, stepping a minuet. - -'Pinion him hand and foot!' cried I, quite disgusted and enraged. 'I -will have no minuets in this castle.' - -'That I will do,' cried Jerry, 'for his feet are nimble enough at -making off. Though he talks big, he runs fast. The creature is all -voice and legs, like a grasshopper.' - -Just as the minstrel and warden had secured his wrists and ankles with -a handkerchief, a vassal came to tell me that a number of men, and a -girl at their head, were running towards the castle. - -'I thought she would not disappoint me!' cried I, as I hastened down to -meet her. It was, indeed, Susan herself, and a train of youths. I stood -at the gateway ready to receive her, and trembling with terror, lest -Betterton and the routed remains of his army, who were now consulting -together at some distance, should intercept her. - -These fears were not at all lessened when I saw her stop, as she -arrived amongst them, and converse with them some time. I made my men -hold themselves in readiness to support her, and we shouted to her with -all our might. But just judge of my consternation, when I beheld her -and her party enrolling themselves in the hostile ranks, and the whole -allied force preparing to pour down upon us! I stood horror-struck. Her -ingratitude, her perfidy, were incredible. - -But I had no time for moral reflection. My own glory and the interests -of my people demanded all my thoughts. What was I to do? We had taken -but eight prisoners, and these too would require a strong guard; while -the traiterous Susan had brought a reinforcement of twenty men to the -foe; so that to contend against such superior numbers in the field -would be madness. - -I determined therefore to draw all my troops and all my prisoners into -the eastern turret, and to stand a regular siege; for, as we had a -large stock of provisions, we might hold out several days. In the mean -time our enemies, tired of such a protracted mode of warfare, and -having other occupations of more importance, would probably retire and -leave us in quiet possession. - -This plan was put into instant execution. I had the prisoners placed in -the Black Chamber, with a numerous guard; and I made the remainder of -my soldiery man the battlements. - -These arrangements were but just completed, when I beheld our -formidable opponents advancing in line, with Betterton, on horseback, -at their head. Again my men armed themselves with stones; again the -horn was sounded; again three cheers were given. - -When the besiegers had arrived within forty paces of us, they halted. -Then Betterton, waving a white handkerchief, advanced under the walls, -and spoke thus: - -'Lady Cherubina De Willoughby, I demand of you to surrender at -discretion. Refuse, and I pledge myself that in five minutes I will -drive the leopard into the sea, and plant my standard on the towers of -Monkton.' - -'Sir, I both refuse, and defy you. My castle is impregnable.' - -'Not to hunger, at least,' cried Betterton; 'for we will turn the siege -into a blockade.' - -'Yes, to hunger!' exclaimed the minstrel, flinging down half a loaf of -bread, that had remained since breakfast. 'There, Sir, is a proof of -it, deduced from the Roman history!' - -'As I perceive that war is inevitable,' said Betterton, 'I shall stand -acquitted both here and hereafter for all its consequences by my now -just going through the form of proposing a GENERAL PACIFICATION.' - -'Pacific Ocean!' cried Jerry. 'No, thank you; I have got a surfeit of -that word already.' - -'Nay, my honest fellow----' - -'Never honest-fellow me,' cried Jerry: 'it won't take, old boy. So bad -manners to you, and that is worse than bad luck, go boil your tongue -hard, like a calve's, and then it won't wag so glib and smooth;--ay, -and go boil your nose white like veal too. But this I can tell you, -that you will neither beat us out, nor starve us out; for we have -sticks and stones, and meat and good liquor; and we will eat together, -and drink together, and----' - -'And sleep together, I suppose,' cried Betterton: 'for of course, her -ladyship will think nothing of sleeping in the same apartment with -twenty or thirty men.' - -The fatal words fell upon me like a thunderbolt! It was, indeed, too -true, that a large portion of my troops must remain all night in the -Black Chamber, as there would be no room for them elsewhere: so how in -the name of wonder could I contrive to sleep? Certain it is, that -Ellena Di Rosalba travelled a whole day and night in a carriage with -two ruffians, who never left her for a moment; and it was not till -after Luxima and the missionary had journeyed together several entire -days, that (to quote the very words) _for the first time since the -commencement of their pilgrimage she was hidden from his view_. How -these heroines managed I know not; but this I know, that I could not -abide the idea of sleeping in the presence of men. And yet, to -surrender my sweet, my beloved, my venerable castle, the hereditary -seat of my proud progenitors, at the moment of an immortal victory, ere -the laurel was yet warmed on the throbbings of my forehead;--and all -for what? For the most pitiful and unclassical reason that ever -disgraced a human creature. Why, I should be pointed at, scouted at. -'Look, look, there is the heroine who surrendered her castle, -because----' and then a whisper and a titter, and a ''Tis fact 'pon my -honour.' Oh, my friend, my friend, the thought was madness! - -I considered, and reconsidered, but every moment only strengthened me -more and more in the conviction that there was no remedy. - -'Jerry,' said I, 'dear Jerry, we must surrender.' - -'Surrender!' exclaimed Jerry, 'Why then, death alive, for what?' - -'Because,' answered I, 'my modesty would prevent me from sleeping -before so many men.' - -'Poo,' cried he, 'do as I do. Have too much modesty to shew your -modesty. Sleep? By my soul you shall sleep, and snore too, if you have -a mind. Sleep? Sure, can't you pin the curtains round, so that we -shan't see you? Sleep? Sure, how did the ladies manage on board the -packet that I came over in? Sleep--sleep--sleep? O murder. I believe we -must surrender, sure enough. O murder, murder, 'tis all over with us? -For now that I think of it, we shan't have even room to lie down you -know.' - -'This is a sad affair,' said I to the minstrel. 'Can you devise no -remedy?' - -'None,' said the minstrel, blushing through his very eyeballs. - -'Well,' cried Betterton, 'is the council of war over?' - -'Yes, Sir,' said I, 'and I consent to conclude a peace.' - -'I thought you would,' cried Betterton; 'so now for the terms.' - -After much altercation, these articles (written by Betterton, with his -pencil, and signed by him and the warden, who went down for the -purpose) were agreed upon by the contending powers. - - Art. 1. - - All the prisoners, at present in the castle, shall be forthwith - released. - - Art. 2. - - The troops of the contending powers shall consign their arms into - the hands of the respective leaders. - - Art. 3. - - The commandant of the besieged army shall evacuate the castle, at - the head of his men, and take a northerly direction; and at the - same moment the commandant of the besieging army shall lead his - forces in a southerly direction. - - Art. 4. - - The Lady Cherubina De Willoughby shall depart from the castle as - soon as both armies are out of sight; and she shall not hold - communication, direct or indirect, with the warden, for the space - of twenty-four hours. - - Art. 5. - - The minstrel, Higginson, shall be permitted to remain with the Lady - Cherubina, as her escort. - - (Signed) BETTERTON. - - SULLIVAN. - -While Betterton returned to his army, for the purpose of announcing the -peace, I fixed with Jerry to meet him in London at the expiration of -twenty-four hours. - -I now perceived Susan running towards the castle, with all her men; and -as soon as she got under the walls, she cried: - -'No peace; no peace; but bloody, bloody war! Come down here, you wretch -with the steel bonnet, till I tear your eyes out;--you special babe of -hell, that robbed me of the only friend I had on earth!' And she ran on -with the most horrible imprecations, and vows of vengeance. - -'Arrah, and is that Susy?' cried one of my men, leaning over the -battlements. - -'Patrick O'Brien!' exclaimed she. 'Oh! Patrick, Patrick, are you so -faithless as to be taking part with my mortal enemy?' - -'I am taking part with my countrymen,' cried Patrick; 'and we have just -made a peace; so by gog, if you break it, 'tis yourself will be my -mortual innimy!' - -'Dear, dear Patrick!' said she, 'don't let that vile woman decoy you -from me, and I will do whatever you desire.' - -'Then I desires you to go back this moment,' said Patrick. - -Susan retired to the main body, without uttering a word. - -The several articles were then executed in due form. The prisoners were -liberated: the soldiers on both sides laid down their arms. I -distributed all my remaining money amongst my men: they thanked me with -a shout; and then, headed by the warden, issued from the castle. At the -same time, Betterton and his party marched off the field. - -When Jerry had got almost out of sight, he halted his men, faced them -towards the castle, and all gave three last cheers. I waved my -handkerchief, and cried like a child. - -I then took a tender leave of my dear Black Chamber; and with a heavy -heart, and a tardy step, departed from my castle, till better days -should enable me to revisit it. I proceeded with the minstrel to the -poor woman's cottage, whence I now write; and I have just dispatched -him for a chaise, as I shall return to London immediately. - -My heart is almost broken. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XL - - -MS. - -O YE, WHOEVER YE ARE, WHOM CHANCE OR MISFORTUNE MAY HEREAFTER CONDUCT -TO THIS SPOT, TO YOU I SPEAK, TO YOU REVEAL THE STORY OF MY WRONGS, -AND ASK YOU TO REVENGE THEM. VAIN HOPE! YET IT IMPARTS SOME COMFORT -TO BELIEVE, THAT WHAT I NOW WRITE MAY ONE DAY MEET THE EYE OF A -FELLOW-CREATURE; THAT THE WORDS WHICH TELL MY SUFFERINGS MAY ONE DAY -DRAW PITY FROM THE FEELING HEART. - -KNOW THEN, THAT ON THE NIGHT OF THE FATAL DAY WHICH SAW ME DRIVEN FROM -MY CASTLE, BY RUTHLESS FOES, FOUR MEN IN BLACK VISAGES, RUSHED INTO -THE COTTAGE WHERE I HAD TAKEN SHELTER, BORE ME FROM IT, AND FORCED ME -AND MY MINSTREL INTO A CARRIAGE. WE TRAVELLED MILES IN IMPENETRABLE -SILENCE. AT LENGTH THEY STOPPED, CAST A CLOAK OVER MY FACE, AND -CARRIED ME IN THEIR ARMS, ALONG WINDING PASSAGES, AND UP AND DOWN -FLIGHTS OF STEPS. THEY THEN TOOK OFF THE CLOAK, AND I FOUND MYSELF IN -AN ANTIQUE AND GOTHIC APARTMENT. MY CONDUCTORS LAID DOWN A LAMP, AND -DISAPPEARED. I HEARD THE DOOR BARRED UPON ME. O SOUND OF DESPAIR! O -MOMENT OF UNUTTERABLE ANGUISH! SHUT OUT FROM DAY, FROM FRIENDS, FROM -LIFE--IN THE PRIME OF MY YEARS, IN THE HEIGHT OF MY TRANSGRESSIONS,--I -SINK UNDER THE---- - - * * * * * - -ALMOST AN HOUR HAS NOW PASSED IN SOLITUDE AND SILENCE. WHY AM I -BROUGHT HITHER? WHY CONFINED THUS RIGOROUSLY? THE HORRORS OF DEATH ARE -BEFORE MY EYES. O DIRE EXTREMITY! O STATE OF LIVING DEATH! IS THIS A -VISION? ARE THESE THINGS REAL? ALAS, I AM BEWILDERED. - - * * * * * - -Such, Biddy, was the manuscript that I scribbled last night, after the -mysterious event which it relates. You shall now hear the particulars -of all that has occurred to me since. - -After the ruffians had departed, and I had rallied my spirits, I took -up the lamp, and began examining the chamber. It was spacious, and the -feeble light that I carried could but just penetrate it. Part of the -walls were hidden with historical arras, worked in colourless and -rotten worsted, which depicted scenes from the Provençal Romances; the -deeds of Charlemagne and his twelve peers; the Crusaders, Troubadours, -and Saracens; and the Necromantic feats of the Magician Jurl. The walls -were wainscotted with black larchwood; and over the painted and -escutcheoned windows hung iron visors, tattered pennons, and broken -shields. An antique bed of decayed damask, with a lofty tester, stood -in a corner; and a few grand moth-eaten chairs, tissued and fringed -with threads of tarnished gold, were round the room. At the farther -end, a picture of a soldier on horseback, darting his spear upon a man, -who held up his hands in a supplicating attitude, was enclosed in a -frame of uncommon size, that reached down to the ground. An old harp, -which occupied one corner, proved imprisonment, and some clots of blood -upon the floor proved murder. - -I gazed with delight at this admirable apartment. It was a perfect -treasure: nothing could be more complete: all was in the best style of -horror; and now, for the first time, I felt the full consciousness of -being as real a heroine as ever existed. - -I then indulged myself with imagining the frightful scenes I should -undergo here. Such attempts to murder me, such ghosts, such mysteries! -figures flitting in the dusty perspective, quick steps along the -corridor, groans, and an ill-minded lord of the castle. - -In the midst of this pleasing reverie, methought I heard a step -approaching. It stopped at the door, the bolts were undrawn, and an -antiquated waiting-woman, in fardingale, ruffles, flounces, and -flowered silk, bustled into the room. - -'My lord,' said she, 'desires me to let your ladyship know that he will -do himself the honour of waiting on you in half-an-hour.' - -'Tell your lord,' said I, 'that I shall be ready to receive him: but -pray, my good woman,' said I, 'what is the name of your lord?' - -'Good woman!' cried she, bridling up; 'no more good woman than -yourself: Dame Ursulina, if you please.' - -'Well then, Dame Ursulina, what is his name?' - -'The Baron Hildebrand,' answered she. 'The only feudal chieftain left -in England.' - -'And what is the name of his castle?' - -'Gogmagog,' answered she: 'and it is situated in the Black Forest of -Grodolphon, whose oaks are coeval with the reign of Brute.' - -'And, alas!' cried I, 'why have I been seized? Why thus imprisoned? -Why----' - -The Dame laid her finger across her lips, and grinned volumes of -mystery. - -'At least, tell me,' said I, with a searching look, 'how comes that -blood on the floor; for it appears but just spilt?' - -'Lauk!' cried she, 'that blood is there these fifty years. Sure your -ladyship has often read in romances of blood on floors, and daggers, -that looked as fresh as a daisy at the end of centuries. But, -alas-o-day! modern blood won't keep like the good old blood. Ay, ay, -ay; the times have degenerated in every thing;--even in harps. Look at -that harp yonder: I warrant 'tis in excellent tune at this moment, -albeit no human finger has touched it these ten years: and your -ladyship must remember reading of other cobwebbed harps in old castles, -that required no tuning-hammer, after lying by whole ages. But, indeed, -they do say, that the ghost keeps this harp in order, by playing on it -o' nights.' - -'The ghost!' exclaimed I. - -'Ay, by my fackins,' said she; 'sure this is the haunted chamber of the -northern tower; and such sights and noises--Santa Catharina of Sienna, -and St. Bridget, and San Pietro, and Santa Benedicta, and St. -Radagunda, defend me!' - -Then, aspirating an ejaculation, she hastily hobbled out of the room, -and locked the door after her, without giving me farther satisfaction. - -However, the visit from Baron Hildebrand occupied my mind more than the -ghost; and I sat expecting it with great anxiety. At last, I heard a -heavy tread along the corridor: the door was unbarred, and a huge, but -majestic figure, strode into the chamber. The black plume towering on -his cap, the armorial coat, Persian sash, and Spanish cloak, conspiring -with the most muscular frown imaginable, made him look truly -tremendous. - -As he flung himself into a chair, he cast a Schedoniac scowl at me; -while I felt, that one glance from the corner of a villain's eye is -worth twenty straight-forward looks from an honest man. My heart -throbbed audible, my bosom heaved like billows: I threw into my -features a conventual smile, and stood before him, in all the silence -of despair, something between Niobe, patience, and a broken lily. - -'Lady!' cried he, with a voice that vibrated through my brain; 'I am -the Baron Hildebrand, that celebrated ruffian. My plans are terrible -and unsearchable. Hear me. - -'My daughter, the Lady Sympathina, though long betrothed to the Marquis -De Furioso, has long been enamoured of the Lord Montmorenci. In vain -have I tried entreaties and imprecations: nothing will induce her to -relinquish him; even though he has himself confessed to her that you -reign sole tormentress of his heart. - -'While doubtful what course to take, I heard, from my vassals, of your -having seized on a neighbouring castle, and of Montmorenci's being -there with you. The moment was too precious to be lost. I planted armed -spies about the castle, with orders to make you and him prisoners the -first opportunity. These orders are executed, and his lordship is a -captive in the western turret. - -'Now, Madam, you must already guess my motive for having taken this -step. It is to secure your immediate marriage with his lordship, and -thus to terminate for ever my daughter's hopes, and my own inquietude. -In two days, therefore, be prepared to give him your hand, or to suffer -imprisonment for life.' - -'My lord,' said I, 'I am a poor, weak, timid girl, but yet not -unmindful of my noble lineage. I cannot consent to disgrace it. My -lord, I will not wed Montmorenci.' - -'You will not?' cried he, starting from his seat. - -'I will not,' said I, in a tone of the sweetest obstinacy. - -'Insolent!' exclaimed he, and began to pace the chamber with prodigious -strides. Conceive the scene;--the tall figure of Hildebrand passing -along, with folded arms; the hideous desolation of the room, and my -shrinking figure. It was great, very great. It resembled a Pandemonium, -where an angel of light was tormented by a fiend. Yet insult and -oppression had but added to my charms, as the rose throws forth fresh -fragrance by being mutilated. - -On a sudden he stopped short before me. - -'What is your reason for refusing to marry him?' said he. - -'My lord,' answered I, 'I do not feel for his lordship the passion of -love.' - -'Love!' cried he, with yells of laughter. 'Why this is Sympathina's -silly rhodomontade. Love! There is no such passion. But mark me, Madam: -soon shall you learn that there is such a passion as revenge!' And with -these words he rushed out of the chamber. - -Nothing could be better than my conduct on this occasion. I was -delighted with it, and with the castle, and with every thing. I -therefore knelt and chaunted a vesper hymn, so soft, and so solemn; -while my eyes, like a magdalen's, were cast to the planets. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XLI - - -I had flung myself on the bed: my lamp was extinguished; and now sleep -began to pour its opiate over me, when, (terrible to tell!) methought I -heard steps stealing through my very chamber. - -'She sleeps,' whispered a voice. - -'Then poniard her at once,' said another. - -'Remember, I must have five ducats,' said the first. - -'Four,' said the second: 'Grufflan, the tormentor of innocents, would -charge but two.' - -'Then I will betray the murder.' - -'I will take good care you shall not.' - -'How so?' - -'I will assassinate you after it.' - -'Diavolo! 'Tis prudent, however. But by St. Jago, I will not consent to -be assassinated under a ducat a-piece to my children.' - -'Well, you shall have them.' - -'Then, Maestro mio illustrissimo, the Bravo Abellino is your povero -devotissimo!' - -The next instant my strained eyeballs saw a figure half starting from -behind the tattered arras, in a long cloak, and flat cap. His right -hand held a dagger, and his left a dark lantern, that cast a yellow -glare on the ruffianly sculpture of his visage. - -I screamed;--but sorry am I to say, less like a heroine than a -sea-gull;--and the bravo advanced. On a sudden, the door of the chamber -was burst open, and Montmorenci rushed forward, with a brandished -sword. At the same moment, Baron Hildebrand sprang from behind the -tapestry. - -'Turn, villain!' cried Montmorenci; and a desperate battle began. - -My life was the stake. I hung upon every blow, winced as the steel -descended on Montmorenci, and moved as he moved, with agonised mimicry. - -At length, victory declared in his favour. The bandit lay lifeless, and -the baron was disarmed; but escaped out of the chamber. - -'Let us fly!' cried my preserver, snatching me to his heart. 'I have -bribed a domestic.--A horse is in waiting.--Let us fly!' - -'Let us, let us!' said I, disengaging myself. - -'Yet hold!' cried he. 'I have saved your life. Save mine, by consenting -to an immediate union.' - -'Ay, my lord----' - -'What?' - -'I cannot.' - -'Cannot!' - -'Come, my lord; do come!' - -'On my knees, lady----' - -'Seize the villain, and immure him in the deepest dungeon!' exclaimed -the baron, rushing into the room with his domestics. - -Some of them laid hold on Montmorenci, the rest bore off the body of -the bandit. The baron and I were left alone. - -'My lord,' said I, flinging myself at his feet (for alas, I had now -lost all my magnanimity), 'that man is my horror and detestation. But -only promise to spare my life for one day more, and indeed, indeed, I -will try if I can make up my mind to marry him.' - -''Tis well,' said the baron. 'To-night you sleep secure: to-morrow -decides your fate.' - -He spoke, and stalked out of the chamber. - -This horrid castle--would I had never set foot in it. I will escape if -I can, I am resolved. I have already tried the walls, for a sliding -pannel or a concealed door; but nothing of the kind can I discover. And -yet something of the kind there must be, else how could the baron and -bravo have entered my chamber? I protest this facility of intrusion in -antique apartments is extremely distressing. For besides its exposing -one to be murdered, just think how it exposes one to be peeped at. I -declare I dare not even undress, lest some menial should be leering -through a secret crevice. Oh, that I were once more in the mud cottage! -I am sick of castles. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XLII - - -This morning, after a maid had cleaned out the room, Dame Ursulina -brought breakfast. - -'Graciousnessosity!' cried she, 'here is the whole castle in such a -fluster; hammering and clamouring, and paddling at all manner of -possets, to make much of the fine company that is coming down to the -baron to-day.' - -'Heavens!' exclaimed I, 'when will my troubles cease? Doubtless they -are a most dissolute set. An amorous Verezzi, an insinuating Cavigni, -and an abandoned Orsino; besides some lovely voluptuary, some -fascinating desperado, who plays the harp, and poisons by the hour.' - -'La, not at all,' said the dame. 'We shall have none but old Sir -Charles Grandison, and his lady, Miss Harriet Byron, that was;--old Mr. -Mortimer Delville, and his lady, Miss Cecilia, that was;--and old Lord -Mortimer, and his lady, Miss Amanda, that was.' - -'Can it be possible?' cried I. 'Why these are all heroes and heroines!' - -'Pon my conversation, and by my fig, and as I am a true maiden, so they -are,' said she; 'for my lord scorns any other sort of varment. And we -shall have such tickling and pinching; and fircumdandying, and -cherrybrandying, and the genteel poison of bad wine; and the warder -blowing his horn, and the baron in his scowered armour, and I in a coif -plaited high with ribbons all about it, and in the most rustling silk I -have. And Philip, the butler, meets me in the dark. "Oddsboddikins," -says he (for that is his pet oath), "mayhap I should know the voice of -that silk?" "Oddspittikins," says I, "peradventure thou should'st;" and -then he catches me round the neck, and----' - -'There, there!' cried I, 'you distract me.' - -'Marry come up!' muttered she. 'Some people think some people--Marry -come up, quotha!' And she flounced out of the room. - -I sat down to breakfast, astonished at what I had just heard. Harriet -Byron, Cecilia, Amanda, and their respective consorts, all alive and -well! Oh, could I get but one glimpse of them, speak ten words with -them, I should die content. I pictured them to myself, adorned with all -the venerable loveliness of a virtuous old age,--even in greyness -engaging, even in wrinkles interesting. Hand in hand they walk down the -gentle slope of life, and often pause to look back upon the scenes that -they have passed--the happy vale of their childhood, the turretted -castle, the cloistered monastery. - -This reverie was interrupted by the return of Dame Ursulina. - -'The baron,' said she, 'has just gone off to London; we think either -for the purpose of consulting physicians about his periodical madness, -or of advising government to propose a peace with France. So my young -mistress, the Lady Sympathina, is anxious to visit you during his -absence,--as he prohibited her;--and she has sent me to request that -you will honor her with your permission.' - -'Tell her I shall be most happy to see and to solace a lady of her -miseries,' answered I. 'And I trust we shall swear an eternal -friendship when we meet.' - -'Friendship,' said the dame, 'is the soft soother of human cares. O, to -see two fair females sobbing respondent, while their blue eyes shine -through their tears like hyacinths bathed in the dews of the morning!' - -'Why, dame,' cried I, 'how did you manage to pick up such a charming -sentiment, and such elegant language?' - -'Marry come up!' said she, 'I havn't lived, not I, not with heroines, -not for nothing. Marry come up, quotha!' And this frumpish old woman -sailed out of the chamber in a great fume. - -I now prepared for an interview of congenial souls; not was I long kept -in suspense. Hardly had the dame disappeared, when the door opened -again, and a tall, thin, lovely girl, flew into the room. She stopped -opposite me. Her yellow ringlets hung round her pale face like a mist -round the moon. Again she advanced, took both my hands, and stood -gazing on my features. - -'Ah, what wonder,' said she, 'that Montmorenci should be captivated by -these charms! No, I will not, cannot take him from you. He is your's, -my friend. Marry him, and leave me to the solitude of a cloister.' - -'Never!' cried I. 'Ah, madam, ah, Sympathina, your magnanimity amazes, -transports me. No, my friend; your's he shall, he must be; for you love -him, and I hate him.' - -'Hate him!' cried she; 'and wherefore? Ah, what a form is his, and ah, -what a face! Locks like the spicy cinnamon; eyes half dew, half -lightning; lips like a casket of jewels, loveliest when open----' - -'And teeth like the Sybil's books,' said I; 'for two of them are -wanting.' - -'Ah,' cried she, 'this I am informed is your reason for not marrying -him; as if his charms lay in his teeth, like Sampson's strength in his -hair.' - -'Upon my honor,' said I, 'I would not marry him, if he had five hundred -teeth. But you, my friend, you shall marry him, in spite of his teeth.' - -'Ah,' cried she, 'and see my father torture you to death?' - -'It were not torture,' said I, 'to save you from it.' - -'It were double torture,' cried she, 'to be saved by your's.' - -'Justice,' said I, 'demands the sacrifice.' - -'Generosity,' said she, 'would spare the victim.' - -'Is it generosity,' said I, 'to wed me with one I hate?' - -'Is it justice,' said she, 'to wed me with one who hates me?' - -'Ah, my friend,' cried I, 'you may vanquish me in Antithetical and -Gallican repartee, but never shall you conquer me in sentimental -magnanimity.' - -'Let us then swear an eternal friendship,' cried she. - -'I swear!' said I. - -'I swear!' said she. - -We rushed into each other's arms. - -'And now,' cried she, when the first transports had subsided, 'how do -you like being a heroine?' - -'Above all things in the world,' said I. - -'And how do you get on at the profession?' asked she. - -'It is not for me to say,' replied I. 'Only this, that ardor and -assiduity are not wanting on my part.' - -'Of course then,' said she, 'you shine in all the requisite qualities. -Do you blush well?' - -'As well as can be expected,' said I. - -'Because,' said she, 'blushing is my chief beauty. I blush one tint and -three-fourths with joy; two tints, including forehead and bosom, with -modesty; and four with love, to the points of my fingers. My father -once blushed me against the dawn for a tattered banner to a rusty -poniard.' - -'And who won?' said I. - -'It was play or pay,' replied she; 'and the morning happened to be -misty, so there was no sport in that way; but I fainted, which was just -as good, if not better. Are you much addicted to fainting?' - -'A little,' said I. - -''Pon honor?' - -'Well, ma'am, to be honest with you, I am afraid I have never fainted -yet; but at a proper opportunity I flatter myself----' - -'Nay, love,' said she, 'do not be distressed about the matter. If you -weep well, 'tis a good substitute. Do you weep well?' - -'Extremely well, indeed,' said I. - -'Come then,' cried she, 'we will weep on each other's necks.' And she -flung her arms about me. We remained some moments in motionless -endearment. - -'Are you weeping?' said she, at length. - -'No, ma'am,' answered I. - -'Ah, why don't you?' said she. - -'I can't, ma'am,' said I; 'I can't.' - -'Ah, do,' said she. - -'Upon my word, I can't,' said I: 'sure I am trying all I can. But, -bless me, how desperately you are crying. Your tears are running down -my bosom like a torrent, and boiling hot too. Excuse me, ma'am, but you -will give me my death of cold.' - -'Ah, my fondling,' said she, raising herself from my neck; 'tears are -my sole consolation. Ofttimes I sit and weep, I know not why; and then -I weep to find myself weeping. Then, when I can weep, I weep at having -nothing to weep at; and then, when I have something to weep at, I weep -that I cannot weep at it. This very morning I bumpered a tulip with my -tears, while reading a dainty ditty that I must now repeat to you. - - '_The moon had just risen, as a maid parted from her lover. A - sylph was pursuing her sigh through the deserts of air, bathing in - its warmth, and enhaling its odours. As he flew over the ocean, he - saw a sea-nymph sitting on the shore, and singing the fate of a - shipwreck, that appeared at a distance, with broken masts, and - floating rudder. Her instrument was her own long and blue tresses, - which she had strung across rocks of coral. The sparkling spray - struck them, and made sweet music. He saw, he loved, he hovered - over her. But invisible, how could he attract her eyes? - Incorporeal, how could he touch her? Even his voice could not be - heard by her amidst the dashing of the waves, and the melody of her - ringlets. The sylphs, pitying his miserable state, exiled him to a - bower of woodbine. There he sits, dips his pen of moonshine in the - subtle dew ere it falls, and writes his love on the bell of a - silver lily._' - -This charming tale led us to talk of moonshine. We moralized on the -uncertainty of it, and of life; discussed sighs, and agreed that they -were charming things; enumerated the various kinds of tresses--flaxen, -golden, chesnut, amber, sunny, jetty, carroty; and I suggested two new -epithets,--sorrel hair and narcissine hair. Such a flow of soul never -was. - -At last she rose to depart. - -'Now, my love,' said she, 'I am in momentary expectation of Sir Charles -Grandison, Mortimer Delville, and Lord Mortimer, with their amiable -wives. Will you permit them, during the baron's absence, to spend an -hour with you this evening? They will not betray us. I shall be proud -of showing you to them, and you will receive much delight and -edification from their society.' - -I grasped at the proposal with eagerness; she flitted out of the -chamber with a promissory smile; and I was so charmed, that I began -frisking about, and snapping my fingers, in a most indecorous manner. - -What an angel is this Sympathina! Her face has the contour of a Madona, -with the sensibility of a Magdalen. Her voice is soft as the last -accents of a dying maid. Her language is engaging, her oh is sublime, -and her ah is beautiful. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XLIII - - -Towards night I heard the sound of several steps approaching the -chamber. The bolts were undrawn, and Lady Sympathina, at the head of -the company, entered, and announced their names. - -'Bless me!' said I, involuntarily; for such a set of objects never were -seen. - -Sir Charles Grandison came forward the first. He was an emaciated old -oddity in flannels and a flowing wig. He bowed over my hand, and kissed -it--his old custom, you know. - -Lady Grandison leaned on his arm, bursting with fat and laughter, and -so unlike what I had conceived of Harriet Byron, that I turned from her -in disgust. - -Mortimer Delville came next; and my disappointment at finding him a -plain, sturdy, hard-featured fellow, was soon absorbed in my still -greater regret at seeing his Cecilia,--once the blue-eyed, sun-tressed -Cecilia,--now flaunting in all the reverend graces of a painted -grandmother, and leering most roguishly. - -After them, Lord Mortimer and his Amanda advanced; but he had fallen -into flesh; and she, with a face like scorched parchment, appeared both -broken-hearted and broken-winded; such a perpetual sighing and wheezing -did she keep. - -I was too much shocked and disappointed to speak; but Sir Charles soon -broke silence; and after the most tedious sentence of compliment that I -had ever heard, he thus continued: - -'Your ladyship may recollect I have always been celebrated for giving -advice. Let me then advise you to relieve yourself from your present -embarrassment, by marrying Lord Montmorenci. It seems you do not love -him. For that very reason marry him. Trust me, love before marriage is -the surest preventive of love after it. Heroes and heroines exemplify -the proposition. Why do their biographers always conclude the book just -at their wedding? Simply because all beyond it is unhappiness and -hatred.' - -'Surely, Sir Charles,' said I, 'you must be mistaken. Their biographers -(who have such admirable information, that they can even tell the -thoughts and actions of dying personages, when not a soul is near -them), these always end the book with declaring that the connubial -lives of their heroes and heroines are like unclouded skies, or -unruffled streams, or summer all the year through, or some gentle -simile or other.' - -'That is all irony,' replied Sir Charles. 'But I know most of these -heroes and heroines myself; and I know that nothing can equal their -misery.' - -'Do you know Lord Orville and his Evelina?' said I; 'and are not they -happy?' - -'Happy!' cried he, laughing. 'Have you really never heard of their -notorious miffs? Why it was but yesterday that she flogged him with a -boiled leg of mutton, because he had sent home no turnips.' - -'Astonishment!' exclaimed I. 'And she, when a girl, so meek.' - -'Ay, there it is,' said he. 'One has never seen a white foal or a cross -girl; but often white horses and cross wives. Let me advise you against -white horses.' - -'But pray,' said I, addressing Amanda, 'is not your brother Oscar happy -with his Adela?' - -'Alas, no,' cried she. 'Oscar became infatuated with the charms of -Evelina's old governess, Madam Duval; so poor Adela absconded; and -she, who was once the soul of mirth, has now grown a confirmed -methodist; curls a sacred sneer at gaiety, loves canting and -decanting, piety and _eau de vie_. In short, the devil is very busy -about her, though she sometimes drives him away with a thump of the -Bible.' - -'Well, Rosa, the gentle beggar-girl,--what of her?' said I. - -'Eloped with one Corporal Trim,' answered Sir Charles. - -'How shocking!' cried I. 'But Pamela, the virtuous Pamela?'---- - -'Made somewhat a better choice,' said Sir Charles; 'for she ran off -with Rasselas, Prince of Abyssinia, when he returned to the happy -valley.' - -'Dreadful accounts, indeed!' said I. - -'So dreadful,' said Sir Charles, bowing over my hand, 'that I trust -they will determine you to marry Montmorenci. 'Tis true, he has lost -two teeth, and you do not love him; but was not Walstein a cripple? And -did not Caroline of Lichfield fall in love with him after their -marriage, though she had hated him before it?' - -'Recollect,' cried Cecilia, 'what perils environ you here. The baron is -the first murderer of the age.' - -'Look at yonder blood,' cried old Mortimer Delville. - -'Remember the bandit last night,' cried old Lord Mortimer. - -'Think of the tremendous spectre that haunts this apartment,' cried -Lady Grandison. - -'And above all,' cried the Lady Sympathina, 'bear in mind that this -chamber may be the means of your waking some morning with a face like a -pumpkin.' - -'Heavens!' exclaimed I, 'what do you mean? My face like a pumpkin?' - -'Yes,' said she. 'The dampness of the room would swell it up like a -pumpkin in a single night.' - -'Oh! ladies and gentlemen,' cried I, dropping on my knees, 'you see -what shocking horrors surround me here. Oh! let me beseech of you to -pity and to rescue me. Surely, surely you might aid me in escaping!' - -'It is out of the nature of possibilities,' said Lady Sympathina. - -'At least, then,' cried I, 'you might use your influence to have me -removed from this vile room, that feels like a well.' - -'Fly!' cried Dame Ursulina, running in breathless. 'The baron has just -returned, and is searching for you all. And he has already been through -the chapel, and armoury, and gallery; and the west tower, and east -tower, and south tower; and the cedar chamber, and oaken chamber, and -black chamber, and grey, brown, yellow, green, pale pink, sky blue; and -every shade, tinge, and tint of chamber in the whole castle. -Benedicite, Santa Maria; how the times have degenerated! Come, come, -come.' - -The guests vanished, the door was barred, and I remained alone. - -I sat ruminating in sad earnest, on the necessity for my consenting to -this hateful match; when (and I protest to you, I had not thought it -was more than nine o'clock), a terrible bell, which I never heard -before, tolled, with an appalling reverberation, that rang through my -whole frame, the frightful hour of ONE! - -At the same moment I heard a noise; and looking towards the opposite -end of the chamber, I beheld the great picture on a sudden disappear; -and, standing in its stead, a tall figure, cased in blood-stained -steel, and with a spectral visage, the perfect counterpart of the -baron's. - -I sat gasping. It uttered these sepulchral intonations. - -'_I am the spirit of the murdered Alphonso. Lord Montmorenci deserves -thee. Wed him, or in two days thou liest a corpse. To-morrow night I -come again._' - -The superhuman appearance spoke; and (oh, soothing sound) uttered a -human sneeze! - -'Damnation!' it muttered. 'All is blown!' And immediately the picture -flew back to its place. - -Well, I had never heard of a ghost's sneezing before: so you may judge -I soon got rid of my terror, and felt pretty certain that this was no -bloodless and marrowless apparition, but the baron himself, who had -adopted the ghosting system, so common in romances, for the purpose of -frightening me into his schemes. - -However, I had now discovered a concealed door, and with it a chance of -escape. I must tell you, that escape by the public door is utterly -impracticable, as a maid always opens it for those that enter, and -remains outside till they return. However, I have a plan about the -private door; which, if the ghost should appear again, as it promised, -is likely to succeed. - -I was pondering upon this plan, when in came Dame Ursulina, taking -snuff, and sneezing at a furious rate. - -'By the mass,' said she, 'it rejoiceth the old cockles of my heart to -see your ladyship safe; for as I passed your door just now, methought I -heard the ghost.' - -'You might well have heard it,' said I, pretending infinite faintness, -'for I have seen it; and it entered through yonder picture.' - -'Benedicite!' cried she, 'but it was a true spectre!' - -'A real, downright apparition,' said I, 'uncontaminated with the -smallest mixture of mortality.' - -'And didn't your ladyship hear me sneeze at the door?' said she. - -'I was too much alarmed to hear anything,' answered I. 'But pray have -the goodness to lend me that snuff-box, as a pinch or two may revive me -from my faintness.' I had my reasons for this request. - -'A heroine take snuff!' cried she, laying the box on the table. -'Lack-a-daisy, how the times are changed! But now, my lady, don't be -trying to move or cut that great picture; for though the ghost comes -into the chamber through it, no mortal can. I know better than to let -you give me the slip; and I will tell a story to prove my knowledge of -bolts and bars. When I was a girl, a young man lodged in the house; and -one night he stole the stick that I used to fasten the hasp and staple -of my door with. Well, my mother bade me put a carrot (as there was -nothing else) in its place. So I put in a carrot--for I was a dutiful -daughter; but I put in a boiled carrot--for I was a love-sick maiden. -Eh, don't I understand the doctrine of bolts and bars?' - -'You understand a great deal too much,' said I, as the withered wanton -went chuckling out of the chamber. - -I must now retire to rest. I do not fear being disturbed by a bravo -to-night; but I am uneasy, lest I should wake in the morning with a -face like a pumpkin. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XLIV - - -About noon the Baron Hildebrand paid me a visit, to hear, as he said, -my final determination respecting my marriage with Montmorenci. I had -prepared my lesson, and I told him that my mind was not yet entirely -reconciled to such an event; but that it was much swayed by a most -extraordinary circumstance which had occurred the night before. He -desired me to relate it; and I then, with apparent agitation, recounted -the particulars of the apparition, and declared that if it should come -again I would endeavour to preserve my presence of mind, and enter into -conversation with it; in order (as it appeared quite well informed of -the picture) to learn whether my marriage with his lordship would prove -fortunate or otherwise. I then added, that if its answer should be -favourable, I would not hesitate another moment to give him my hand. - -The baron, while he could not suppress a smile, protested himself -highly delighted with my determination of speaking to the spectre, and -encouraged me not to fear it, as it was the most harmless creature of -its kind ever known. - -He then took his leave. I spent the remainder of the day reflecting on -the desperate enterprise that I had planned for the night, and -fortifying my mind by recalling all the hazardous escapes of other -heroines. - -At last the momentous hour was at hand. The lamp and snuff-box lay on -the table. I sat anxious, and kept a watchful eye upon the picture. - -The bell tolled one, again the picture vanished, and again the spectre -stood there. Its left thumb rested upon its hip, and its right hand was -held to the heavens. I sent forth a well-executed shriek, and hid my -face in my hands, while it spoke these words: - -'_I come to thee for the last time. Wilt thou wed Montmorenci, or -wilt thou not?--Speak._' - -'Oh!' cried I, 'if you would only promise not to do me a mischief, I -have something particular to ask of you.' - -'A spirit cannot harm a mortal,' drawled out the spectre. - -'Well then,' said I, faltering and trembling.--'Perhaps--pardon -me--perhaps you would first have the goodness to walk in.' - -The spectre advanced a few paces, and paused. - -'This is so kind, so condescending,' said I, 'that really--do take a -chair.' - -The spectre shook its head mournfully. - -'Pray do,' said I, 'you will oblige me.' - -The spectre seated itself in a chair; but atoned for the mortal act by -an immortal majesty of manner. - -'As you are of another world,' said I, ''tis but fair to do the honours -of this; and in truth, I am not at all astonished that you apparitions -should speak so harshly as you usually do, we mortals always shew such -evident aversion and horror at your appearance.' - -'There is a prejudice gone forth against us,' said the spectre, with a -hollow voice, 'in consequence of our coming at night, like thieves.' - -'Yes,' said I, 'at one precisely. And it has often struck me how well -the clocks of old castles were kept, for they regularly struck just as -the ghost appeared. Indeed, ghosts keep such late hours, that 'tis no -wonder they look pale and thin. I do not recollect ever to have heard -or read of a fat or a fresh-coloured phantom.' - -'Nor of a ghost wanting a limb or an eye,' said the spectre. - -'Nor of an ugly ghost,' said I bowing. - -The spectre took the compliment, and bowed in return. - -'And therefore,' said the spectre, 'as spirits are always accurate -resemblances of the bodies that they once inhabited, none but thin and -pale persons can ever become ghosts.' - -'And by the same rule,' said I, 'none but blue-eyed and golden-haired -persons can go to heaven; for our painters always represent angels so. -I have never heard of a hazel-eyed angel, or a black-haired cherub.' - -'I know,' said the spectre, 'if angels are, as painters depict them, -always sitting naked on cold clouds, I would rather live the life of a -ghost, to the end of the chapter.' - -'And pray,' cried I, 'where, and how do ghosts live?' - -'Within this very globe,' said the spectre. 'For this globe is not, as -most mortals imagine, a solid body, but a round crust about ten miles -thick; and the concave inside is furnished just like the convex -outside, with wood, water, vale and mountain. In the centre stands a -nice little golden sun, about the size of a pippin, and lights our -internal world; where, whatever enjoyments we loved as men, we retain -as ghosts. We banquet on visionary turtle, or play at aërial marbles, -or drive a phantasmagoric four in hand. The young renew their amours, -and the more aged sit yawning for the day of judgment.--But I scent the -rosy air of dawn. Speak, lady; what question art thou anxious that I -should expound?' - -'Whether,' said I, 'if I marry Lord Montmorenci, I shall be happy with -him or not?' - -'Blissful as Eden,' replied the spectre. 'Your lives will be congenial, -and your deaths simultaneous.' - -'And now,' said I, walking closer to it, 'will you do me the favour to -take a pinch of snuff?' - -'Avant!' it cried, motioning me from it with its hand. - -But quick as thought, I flung the whole contents of the box full into -its eyes. - -'Blood and thunder!' exclaimed the astonished apparition. - -I snatched the lamp, sprang through the frame of the picture, shut the -concealed door, bolted it; while all the time I heard the phantom -within, dancing in agony at its eyes, and sending mine to as many -devils as could well be called together on so short a notice. - -Thus far my venturous enterprise had prospered. I now found myself in a -narrow passage, with another door at the farther end of it; and I -prepared to traverse winding stairs, subterranean passages, and suites -of tapestried apartments. I therefore advanced, and opened the door; -but in an instant started back; for I had beheld a lighted hall, of -modern architecture, with gilded balustrades, ceiling painted in -fresco, Etruscan lamps, and stucco-work! Yes, it was a villa, or a -casino, or a pallazo, or any thing you please but a castello. -Amazement! Horror! What should I do? whither turn? delay would be -fatal. Again I peeped. The hall was empty; so, putting down my lamp, I -stole across it to an open door, and looked through the chink. I had -just time to see a Persian saloon, and in the centre a table laid for -supper, when I heard several steps entering the hall. It was too late -to retreat, so I sprang into the room; and recollecting that a curtain -had befriended me once before, I ran behind one which I saw there. - -Instantly afterwards the persons entered. They were spruce footmen, -bringing in supper. Not a scowl, not a mustachio amongst them. - -As soon as the covers were laid, a crowd of company came laughing into -the room; but, friend of my bosom, fancy, just fancy my revulsion of -soul, my dismay, my disgust, my bitter indignation--oh! how shall I -describe to you half what I felt, when I recognised these wretches, as -they entered one by one, to be the identical gang who had visited me -the day before, as heroes and heroines! I knew them instantly, though -they looked twice as young; and in the midst of them all, as blithe as -larks, came Betterton himself and Lord Altamont Mortimer Montmorenci! -My heart died at the sight. - -After they had seated themselves, Betterton (who sat at the head, and -therefore was master) desired one of the servants to bring in 'the -crazed poet.' And now two footmen appeared, carrying between them a -large meal-bag, filled with Higginson; which they placed to the table, -on a vacant seat. The bag was fastened at the top, and a slit was on -the side of it. - -The wretches then began to banter him, and bade him put forth his head; -but he would neither move nor speak. At last they turned the -conversation to me. - -'I wonder can he be ghosting her all this time?' said Betterton. - -'Well,' cried the fellow who had personated Sir Charles Grandison, 'I -ought to have played the ghost, I am so much taller than he.' - -'Not unless you could act it better than you did Grandison,' said the -late Lady Sympathina. 'No, no, I was the person who performed my part -well;--pouring a vial of hot water down her neck, by way of tears; and -frightening her out of her senses by talking of a face like a pumpkin!' - -'Nay,' cried my Lord Montmorenci, 'the best piece of acting you ever -saw was when I first met her at the theatre, and persuaded her that -Abraham Grundy was Lord Altamont Mortimer Montmorenci.' - -'Except,' said Betterton, 'when I played old Whylome Eftsoones, at the -masquerade, and made her believe that Cherry Wilkinson was Lady -Cherubina De Willoughby.' - -I turned quite sick; but I had no time for thought, the thunderclaps -came so thick upon me. - -'She had some mad notion of the kind before,' said Grundy (I have done -with calling him Montmorenci), 'for she fancied that an old piece of -parchment, part of a lease of lives, was an irrefragable proof of her -being Lady De Willoughby.' - -'Ay,' cried Betterton, 'and of poor Wilkinson's being her persecutor, -instead of her father; on the strength of which vagary he lies at this -moment in a madhouse.' - -'But,' said Grundy, 'her setting up for a heroine, and her affectation -while imitating the manners and language that authors chuse to give -their heroines, would make a tiger laugh. I vow and protest, our -amorous interview, where she first told her love, was the most -burlesque exhibition in nature. I am thine, and thou art mine! -whimpered the silly girl, sinking on my bosom. She now says she does -not love me. Don't believe a syllable of it. Why, the poor creature -could not even bridle her passion in my presence. Such hugging and -kissing as she went on with, that, as I hope to be saved, I sometimes -thought she would suffocate me outright.' - -''Tis false as hell!' cried I, bursting into tears, and running from -behind the curtain. 'Upon my sacred honour, ladies and gentlemen, 'tis -every word of it a vile, malicious, execrable falsehood! Oh, what shall -I do? what shall I do?' and I wrung my hands with agony. - -The guests had risen from their seats in amaze; and I now made a spring -towards the door, but was intercepted by Betterton, who held me fast. - -'In the name of wonder,' cried he, 'how came you here?' - -'No matter,' cried I, struggling. 'I know all. What have I ever done to -you, you base, you cruel people?' - -'Keep yourself cool, my little lady,' said he. - -'I won't, I can't!' cried I. 'To use me so. You vile set; you horrid, -horrid set!' - -'Go for another meal-bag,' said he, to the servant. 'Now, madam, you -shall keep company with the bagged poet.' - -'Mercy, mercy!' cried I, 'What, will no one help me?' - -'I will if I can!' exclaimed Higginson, with his head thrust out of the -bag, like a snail; and down he slided from his seat, and began rolling, -and tumbling, and struggling on the floor, till he got upon his feet; -and then he came jumping towards me, now falling now rising, while his -face and bald forehead were all over meal, his eyes blaring, and his -mouth wide open. The company, wherever he moved, kept in a circle round -him, and clapped their hands and shouted. - -As I stood, with Betterton still holding me fast, he was suddenly flung -from me by some one, and my hand seized. I turned, and beheld--Stuart. -'Oh! bless you, bless you!' cried I, catching his arm, 'for you have -come to save me from destruction!' - -He pressed my hand, and pointing to Betterton and Grundy, who stood -thunderstruck, cried, 'There are your men!' - -A large posse of constables immediately rushed forward, and arrested -them. - -'Heydey! what is all this?' cried Betterton. - -''Tis for the beating you gave us when we were doing our duty,' said a -man, and I recognised in the speaker one of the police-men who had -arrested me about the barouche. - -'This is government all over,' cried Betterton. 'This is the minister. -This is the law!' - -'And let me tell you, Sir,' said Stuart, 'that nothing but my respect -for the law deters me at this moment from chastising you as you -deserve.' - -'What do you mean, sirrah?' cried Betterton. - -'That you are a ruffian,' said Stuart, 'and the same cowardice which -made you offer insult to a woman will make you bear it from a man. Now, -Sir, I leave you to your fate.' And we were quitting the room. - -'What thing is that?' said Stuart, stopping short before the poet; who, -with one arm and his face out of the bag, lay on his back, gasping and -unable to stir. - -'Cut it, cut it!' cried the poor man, in choaking accents. - -'Higginson I protest!' exclaimed Stuart, as he snatched a knife from -the table, and laid open the bag. Up rose the poet, resurrectionary -from his hempen coffin, and was beginning to clench his fist; but -Stuart caught his arm, and hurried him and me out of the room. - -Stuart, with great eagerness, now began asking me the particulars of -all that had occurred at Betterton's; and his rage, as I related it, -was extreme. - -He then proceeded to tell me how he had discovered my being there. -After his departure from Lady Gwyn's, he set off for London, to -prosecute his inquiries about my father; and spent some days in this -way, to no purpose. At length he returned to Lady Gwyn's, but was much -shocked at learning from her that I had robbed her, and absconded; and -had afterwards made an assault on her house, at the head of a set of -Irishmen. By the description she gave, he judged that Jerry Sullivan -was one of them; and not finding us at Monkton Castle, whither she -directed him, he posted back to London, in order to make inquiries at -Jerry's house. Jerry, who had just returned, related the whole history -of the castle; adding that I was to call upon him the moment I should -arrive in Town. Stuart, therefore, waited some time; but as I did not -appear, he began to suspect that Betterton had entrapped me; so he -hastened to the coachmaker, and having explained to him that I was no -swindler, and having paid him for the barouche, he told him (as he -learned from Jerry) that Betterton was one of those who had assaulted -the postilion and constables. The coachmaker, therefore, applied at the -police-office; and a party was dispatched to apprehend Betterton. -Stuart accompanied them, and thus gained admission (which he could not -otherwise have done) into the house. - -Higginson now told a lamentable tale of the pranks that Betterton had -played on him; and amongst the rest, mentioned, that a servant had -seduced him into the bag, by pretending to be his friend, and to -smuggle him out of the house, in the character of meal. - -He could gather, from several things said while the company were -tormenting him, that Grundy had agreed to marry me; and then, for a -stipulated sum, to give Betterton opportunities of prosecuting his -infamous designs. Thus both of them would escape the penalties of the -law. - -He likewise informed me, that the female guests were (to use his own -words) ladies whom the male guests loved better than they ought to do; -and he then explained that the several rooms were furnished according -to the fashions of different countries; Grecian, Persian, Chinese, -Italian; and that mine was the Gothic chamber. - -By this time, having reached the village, and stopped at an inn, where -we meant to sleep, I desired a room, and bade Stuart a hasty good -night. - -Shocked, astonished, and ashamed at all that had passed, I threw myself -on the bed, and unburdened my full heart in a bitter fit of crying. -What! thought I, not the Lady Cherubina De Willoughby after all;--the -tale fabricated by Betterton himself;--the parchment that I had built -the hope of my noble birth upon a mere lease of lives;--could these -things be? Alas, there was no doubt of the fatal fact! I had overheard -the wretches boasting of it, and I had discovered their other -impositions with my own eyes. To be thus upset in my favourite -speculation, in the business of my whole life; to have to begin all -over again,--to have to search the wide world anew for my real name, my -real family--or was Wilkinson indeed my father? Oh! if so, what a fall! -and how horridly had I treated him! But I would not suffer myself to -think of it. Then to be laughed at, despised, insulted by dissolute -creatures calling themselves lords and barons, and bravos, and heroes -and heroines; and I declared to be no heroine! am I a heroine? I caught -myself constantly repeating; and then I walked about wildly, then sat -on the bed, then cast my body across it. Once I fell into a doze, and -dreamed frightful dreams of monsters pursuing me swifter than the wind, -while my bending limbs could only creep; and my voice, calling for -help, could not rise above a whisper. Then I woke, repeating, am I a -heroine? I believe I was quite delirious; for notwithstanding all that -I could do to prevent myself, I ran on rapidly, am I a heroine? am I? -am I? am I? am I? till my brain reeled from its poise, and my hands -were clenched with perturbation. - -Thus passed the night, and towards morning I fell into a slumber. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XLV - - -This morning my head felt rather better, and I appeared before Stuart -with the sprightliest air imaginable; not that my mind was at -ease;--far from it;--but that I could not endure to betray my -mortification at having proved such a dupe to buffoons and villains. - -After breakfast, we began arranging our plans, and decided on -proceeding to London; but did not determine on my place of residence -there. I had my own projects, however. - -As Higginson had assisted in rescuing me from the police, Stuart -advised him to remain concealed somewhere, till after the trials of -Betterton and Grundy; for though the poor man did not know that they -were officers of justice whom he was assaulting (he having been in the -turret when the fray commenced), yet this fact might be difficult to -prove. Stuart, therefore, gave him some money, and I a letter; and he -set off, in extreme tribulation, for the cottage of the poor woman; -there to stay till the business should be decided. - -Stuart and I then took our departure in a chaise. Unable to counterfeit -gaiety long, I relapsed into languor; nor could my companion, by any -effort, withdraw me from the contemplation of my late disgrace. - -As we drew near Lady Gwyn's, he represented the propriety of my -restoring her portrait, lest she should have recourse to an arrest. -Disheartened by the past, and terrified for the future, I soon -consented; and on our arriving at the avenue of the gentleman who had -the portrait in his possession, Stuart, by my desire, went to the house -without me. He was absent some time, but at last came back with it in -his hand. - -We then drove to Lady Gwyn's; and while I remained at the gate, he -proceeded to execute the commission for me. Presently, however, I saw -him return accompanied by Lady Gwyn herself, who welcomed me with much -kindness, begged I would forget the past, and prevailed on me to go -into the house. - -But it was only to suffer new mortifications. For now, at the instance -of Stuart, she began to relate all the pranks which she had practised -upon me while I was with her. She confessed that the crowning ceremony -was merely to amuse her guests at my expence; and that my great mother -was her own nephew! Think of that, Biddy! She said that Stuart, who had -known her for some years, begged of her when I paid her my first visit -to let me remain under her care, till his return from Town; and to -humour my pretty caprices, as she called them. But he did not desire -her to go so far with the jest; and she had now just begun an apology -for her conduct, when I rose, overwhelmed with shame and indignation, -dropped a hasty courtesy, and fairly ran out of the house. - -We proceeded some miles silent and uncomfortable. My heart was -bursting, and my head felt as if billows were tossing through it. - -At last I found myself in sight of the village where William, whom I -had separated from his mistress a few weeks before, used to live. As -this was a favourable opportunity for reconciling the lovers, I now -made Stuart acquainted with the real origin of their quarrel, which I -had concealed from him at the time it happened, lest he should mar it. -He shook his head at the recital, and desired the driver to find out -William's house, and stop there. This was done, and in a few moments -William made his appearance. He betrayed some agitation at seeing me, -but saluted me with respect. - -'Well, William,' said I, sportively, 'how goes on your little quarrel -with Mary? Is it made up?' - -'No, Ma'am,' answered he, with a doleful look, 'and I fear never will.' - -'Yes, William,' cried I, with an assuring nod, 'I have the happiness to -tell you that it will.' - -'Ah, Ma'am,' said he, 'I suppose you do not know what a sad calamity -has fallen upon her since you were here. The poor creature has quite -lost her senses.' - -'For shame!' cried I, 'What are you saying? Lost her senses! Well, I am -sure it was not my fault, however.' - -'Your's?' said he. 'Oh, no, Ma'am. But she has never been in her reason -since the day you left her.' - -'Let us be gone,' whispered I to Stuart, as I sank back in the -carriage. 'Surely not,' said he. 'Tis at least your duty to repair the -mischief you have done.' - -'I should die before I could disclose it!' cried I. - -'Then I will disclose it for you,' said he, leaping out of the chaise. - -He went with William into the house, and I remained in such a state of -mind, that I was several times on the point of quitting the chaise, and -escaping I knew not whither; but any where from the horrid scene -awaiting me. At last, Stuart appeared without William; and getting in, -gave the driver directions to Mary's cottage. - -I wanted him to go without me: but he declared that no effectual -explanation could take place, unless from myself. He then said every -thing to re-assure me. He told me that the poor girl was quite -harmless, and had only temporary fits of wandering; and that, were the -circumstances of the fatal letter once explained to her, and a -reconciliation effected, she might eventually recover from her -derangement; for William, it seems, had never divulged the contents of -that letter, as it enjoined him not; but now Stuart brought it with -him. - -Having arrived near the cottage, we got out, and walked towards it. -With a faltering step I crossed the threshold, and found the father in -the parlour. - -'Dear Miss,' said he, 'welcome here once more. I suppose you have come -to see poor Mary. Oh! 'tis a piteous, piteous sight. There she does -nothing but walk about, and sigh, and talk so wild; and nobody can tell -the cause but that William; and he will not, for he says she forbade -him.' - -'Come with me,' said Stuart, 'and I will tell you the cause.' - -He then led the miserable old man out of the room, and I remained at -the window weeping. - -But in a few minutes I heard a step; and on turning round, saw the -father, running towards me with a face haggard and ghastly; and crying -out, 'Cruel, cruel, cruel!' then grasping my shoulder, and lifting his -tremulous hand to heaven: 'Now,' said he, 'may the lightning of a just -and good Providence----' - -'Oh! pray,' cried I, snatching down his hand--'oh! pray do not curse -me! Do not curse a poor, silly, mad creature. It was a horrid affair; -very horrid; but, indeed, indeed, I meant no harm.' - -'Be calm, my good man,' said Stuart, 'and let us go to the garden where -your daughter is walking. I am sure this young lady will not refuse to -accompany us, and do her utmost in this critical moment.' - -'I will do any thing,' cried I, 'come along.' - -We now passed into the garden; and I shuddered as I beheld the -beautiful wreck at a distance. She had just stopt short in a stepping -posture: her cloak had half fallen from her shoulders, and as her head -hung down, her forefinger was lightly laid on her lip. - -Panting to tell her all, I flew towards her, and caught her hand. - -'Do you remember me, Mary?' said I softly. - -She looked at me some moments with a faint smile; and at last she -coloured. - -'Ah! yes, I remember you,' said she. 'You were with us that very -evening when I was so wretched. But I don't care about him now;--I -don't indeed; and if I could only see him once more, I would tell him -so. And then I would frown and turn from him; and then he would follow, -so sad and so pale: don't you think he would? And I am keeping his -presents to give back to him, as he did mine; and see how I have my -hair parted on my forehead, just as he used to like it, ready the -moment I see him to rumple it all about; and then he will cry so. Don't -you think he will? And then I will run, run, run away like the wind, -and never see him again; never, never again.' - -'My dear Mary,' said I, 'you shall see him again, and be friends with -him too. Your William is still faithful to you;--most faithful, and -still loves you better than his life. I have seen him myself this -moment.' - -'You have?' cried she, reddening. 'Oh! and what did he say? But hush, -not a word before my father and that man:' and she put one hand upon my -mouth, and with the other round my waist, hurried me into a little -arbour, where we sat down. - -'And now,' whispered she, stealing her arms about my neck, and looking -earnestly into my eyes, while her whole frame shook, 'and now what did -he say?' - -'Mary,' said I, with a serious tone and aspect, 'you must collect your -ideas, and listen attentively, for I have much to disclose. Do you -recollect a letter that I got you to write for me when I was here -last?' - -'Letter--' muttered she. 'Letter.--Yes, I believe I do. Oh! yes, I -recollect it well; for it was a sad letter to your sweetheart, telling -him that you had married another; and your sweetheart's name was -William; and I thought, at the time, I would never write such a letter -to my own William.' - -'And yet, Mary,' said I, 'your own William got that letter, by some -mistake,' (for I could not bear to tell the real fact) 'that very -evening; and seeing it in your hand-writing, and addressed to William, -he thought it was from you to him; and so he gave you back your -presents, and----' - -'What is all that?' cried Mary, starting up. 'Merciful powers! say all -that over again!' - -I made her sit down, and I shewed her the letter. As she read it, her -colour changed, her lip quivered, her hand shook; and at the -conclusion, she dropped it with a dreadful groan, and remained quite -motionless. - -'Mary!' cried I, 'dear Mary, do not look so. Speak, Mary,' and I -stirred her shoulder; but she still sat motionless with a fixed smile. - -'I shall, I will see her!' cried the voice of William at a distance; -and the next instant he was seated breathless by her side. - -'Mary, my Mary!' cried he in the most touching accents. - -At the well-known voice, she started, and turned towards him; but in a -moment averted her face, and rose as pale as ashes. Then drawing some -letters and baubles from her bosom, she threw them into his lap, and -began gently disarranging her hair, all the time looking sideways at -him, with an air of pretty dignity. - -'Come,' said she, taking my hand, and leading me out of the arbour. -'Well, was not that glorious? Now I shall die content.' - -'Yes,' said I, 'after having first killed your William. Have I not -explained all about the letter; and how can you now treat him so -cruelly?' - -'The letter,' said she. 'Ay, true, the letter. Let me consider a -moment. He thought it was mine, do you say?' - -'He did indeed, Mary; and yet you will not be friends with him.' - -'But you see he won't follow me,' said she. 'He would have followed me -once. Is he following me?' - -'He cannot,' answered I. 'The poor young man is lying on the ground, -and sobbing ready to break his heart.' - -Mary stopped. - -'Shall I call him?' said I. - -'Why now,' said she, 'how can I prevent you?' - -'William!' cried I. 'Mary calls you.' - -William came flying towards her. At the sound of his steps she turned, -stretched forth her hands, uttered a long and piercing cry;--and they -were locked in each other's arms. - -But the poor girl, quite overpowered by the sudden change, fell back -insensible; while William, kissing her, and weeping over her, bore her -into the house, and laid her on a bed. - -It was so long before she shewed any symptoms of animation, that we -began to feel serious alarm; and William ran to the village for an -apothecary. By degrees she came to herself, and appeared somewhat more -composed; but still wandering. At last, with her hand clasped in her -lover's, she fell asleep; and then, as our presence could be no farther -useful, we took leave of the venerable peasant; who, generous with -recent hope, freely gave me his forgiveness and his blessing. - -In my first transports of anguish at this scene, I disclosed to Stuart, -what I had all day determined, but dreaded to tell--the situation of my -father in the madhouse. At the horrid account, the good young man -turned pale, but said not a word. I saw that I was undone, and I burst -into tears. - -'Be comforted, my dear girl,' said he, laying his hand on mine. 'You -have long been acting under the delusion of a dreadful dream, but this -confession, and these tears, are, I trust, the prognostics of a total -renunciation of error. So now let us hasten to your father and release -him. He shall forgive you; past follies shall be forgotten, past -pleasures renewed; you shall return to your real home, and Cherry -Wilkinson shall again be the daughter of an honest squire.' - -'Mr. Stuart,' said I, 'as to my past follies, I know of none but -two;--Mary's and my father's matters. And as to that father, he may not -be what you suppose him. I fancy, Sir, there are such things as men who -begin life with plain names, and end it with the most Italian in the -world.' - -'Well?' cried Stuart. - -'Well,' said I, 'that honest squire, as you call him, may yet come out -to be a marquis.' - -Stuart groaned, and put his head out at the window. - -We have reached London, and I take the opportunity to write while -Stuart is procuring from Grundy, who now lies in prison, such a -statement as cannot fail to make the Doctor release my poor father -without hesitation. - -How shall I support this approaching interview? I shall sink, I shall -die under it. Indeed I wish to die; and I feel an irresistible -presentiment that my prayer will shortly be granted. All day long I -have a horrid gloom hanging over me, besides a frequent wildness of -ideas, and an unusual irritability. I have a chilliness, and yet a -burning through my skin; and I am unwilling even to move. If I could -lock myself up in a room, with heaps of romances, and shut out all the -world, I sometimes fancy that I should be happy. But no, my friend; the -grave will soon be my chamber, the worms my books; and if ever I write -again, I shall write from the bed of death. I know it; I feel it. I -shall be reconciled to my dear parent, acknowledge my follies, and die. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XLVI - - -Agitated beyond measure, I found myself at the madhouse, without well -knowing how I had got there; and Stuart, after a long altercation with -the Doctor, supported me to the room where my father was confined. He -had to push me gently before him, and as I stopped breathless inside -the door, I saw by the dusky twilight a miserable object, shivering, -and sitting on a bed. A few rags and a blanket were cast about it: the -face was haggard, and the chin overgrown with a grisly beard. Yet, -amidst all this disfigurement, I could not mistake my father. I ran, -prostrated myself at his feet, and clasping his knees, exclaimed, -'Father, dear father!' - -He started, and gazed at me for a moment; then flung me from him, and -threw himself with his face downward on the bed. I cast my body across -his, and endeavoured, with both my hands, to turn round his head, that -I might embrace him; but he resisted every effort. - -'Father!' cried I, clasping his neck, 'will you break my heart? Will -you drive me to distraction? Speak, father! Oh! one word, one little -word, to save me from death!' - -Still he lay mute and immoveable. - -'You are cold, father,' said I. 'You shiver. Shall I put something -about you? shall I, father? Ah! I can be so kind and so tender when I -love one; and I love you dearly--Heaven knows I do.' - -I stole my hand on one of his, and lay caressing his forehead, and -murmuring words of fondness in his ear. But nothing could avail. He -withdrew his hand by degrees, and buried his forehead deeper in the -cloaths. And now half frantic, I began to wring my hands, and beat the -pillow, and moan, and utter the most deplorable lamentations. - -At last I thought I saw him a little convulsed, as if with smothered -tears. - -'Ah,' cried I, 'you are relenting, you are weeping. Bless you for that. -Dear, dear father, look up, and see with what joy a daughter can -embrace you.' - -'My child, my child!' cried he, turning, and throwing himself upon my -bosom. 'A heart of stone could not withstand this! There, there, there, -I forgive you all!' - -Fast and fondly did we cling round each other, and sweet were the sighs -that we breathed, and the tears that we shed. - -But I suffered too much: the disorder which had some time been -engendering in my frame now burst forth with alarming vehemence, and I -was conveyed raving into a carriage. On our arrival at the hotel, they -sent for a physician, who pronounced me in a violent fever of a nervous -nature. For a fortnight I was not expected to recover; and I myself -felt so convinced of my speedy dissolution, that I requested the -presence of a clergyman. He came; and his conversations, by composing -my mind, contributed in a great degree to my recovery. At my request, -he paid me daily visits. Our subject was religion,--not those -theological controversies which excite so much irreligious feeling, and -teach men to hate each other for the love of God; but those plain and -simple truths which convince without confounding, and which avoid the -bigotry that would worship error, because it is hereditary; and the -fanaticism that would lay rash hands on the holy temple, because some -of its smaller pillars appear unsound. - -After several days of discussion on this important topic, he led me, by -degrees, to give him an account of my late adventures; and as I -related, he made comments. - -Affected by his previous precepts, and by my own awful approach to -eternity, which had suppressed in my heart the passions of ambition and -pride, I now became as desirous of conviction as I had heretofore been -sophistical in support of my folly. To be predisposed is to be half -converted; and soon this exemplary pastor convinced my understanding of -the impious and immoral tendency of my past life. He shewed me, that to -the inordinate gratification of a particular caprice, I had sacrificed -my duty towards my natural protectors, myself, and my God. That my -ruling passion, though harmless in its nature, was injurious in its -effects; that it gave me a distaste for all sober occupations, -perverted my judgment, and even threatened me with the deprivation of -my reason. Religion itself, he said, if indulged with immoderate -enthusiasm, at last degenerates into zealotry, and leaves the poor -devotee too rapturous to be rational, and too virulent to be religious. - -In a word, I have risen from my bed, an altered being; and I now look -back on my past delusions with abhorrence and disgust. Though the new -principles of conduct which I have adopted are not yet rooted or -methodized in my mind, and though the prejudices of a whole life are -not (and indeed could not be) entirely eradicated in a few days; still, -as I am resolved on endeavouring to get rid of them, I trust that my -reason will second my desire, and that the final consequence of my -perceiving what is erroneous will be my learning what is correct. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XLVII - - -My health is now so far re-established, that I am no longer confined to -my room. Stuart pays us constant visits, and his lively advice and -witty reasoning, more complimentary than reproachful, and more -insinuated than expressed, have tended to perfect my reformation. - -He had put Don Quixote (a work which I never read before) into my -hands; and on my returning it to him, with a confession of the benefit -that I derived from it, the conversation naturally ran upon romances in -general. He thus delivered his sentiments. - -'I do not protest against the perusal of fictitious biography -altogether; for many works of this kind may be read without injury, -and some with profit. Novels such as the Vicar of Wakefield, The -Fashionable Tales, and Coelebs, which draw man as he is, imperfect, -instead of man as he cannot be, superhuman, are both instructive -and entertaining. Romances such as the Mysteries of Udolpho, the -Italian, and the Bravo of Venice, which address themselves to the -imagination alone, are often captivating, and seldom detrimental. But -unfortunately so seductive are the latter class of composition, that -one is apt to neglect more useful books for them; besides, when -indulged in extreme, they tend to incapacitate us from encountering -the turmoils of active life. They present us with incidents and -characters which we can never meet in the world; and act upon the mind -like intoxicating stimulants; first elevate, and at last enervate it. -They teach us to revel in ideal scenes of transport and distraction; -and harden our hearts against living misery, by making us so refined -as to feel disgust at its unpoetical accompaniments. - -'In a country where morals are on the decline, novels always fall -several degrees below the standard of national virtue: and the contrary -holds in an opposite state of things. For as these works are an -exaggerated picture of the times, they represent the prevalent opinions -and manners with a gigantic pencil. Thus, since France became depraved, -her novels have become dissolute; and since her social system arrived -at its extreme of vicious refinement, they too have adopted that last -master-stroke of refined vice, which wins the heart by the chastest -aphorisms, and then corrupts it by the most alluring pictures of -villainy. Take Rousseau for instance. What St. Preux is to Heloise, the -book is to the reader. The lover so fascinates his mistress by his -honourable sentiments, that she cannot resist his criminal advances. -The book infatuates the reader, till, in his admiration of its -morality, he loses all recollection of its licentiousness; for as -virtue is more captivating, so vice is less disgusting when adorned -with the Graces. It may be said that an author ought to portray vice in -its seductive colours, for the purpose of unmasking its arts, and thus -warning the young and inexperienced. But let it be recollected, that -though familiarity with enchanting descriptions of vice may add to -prudence, it must diminish virtue; and that while it teaches the reason -to resist, it entices the passions to yield. It was Rousseau's system, -however, to paint the scenes of a brothel, in order to speak the cant -of a monastery; and thus has he undone many an imitating miss or wife, -who began by listening to the language of love, that she might talk -sentiment, and act virtue; and ended by falling a victim to it, because -her heart had become entangled, her head bewildered, and her principles -depraved. - -'Now, though we seldom see such publications in this country, yet there -is a strain of well-meaning, but false morality prevalent in some. I -will add (for why should I conceal it from you?) that your principles, -which have hitherto been formed upon such books alone, appear, at -times, a little perverted by their influence. It should now, therefore, -be your object to counteract these bad effects by some more rational -line of reading; and, as your ideas of real life are drawn from novels; -and as even your manners and language are vitiated by them, I would -recommend to you to mix in the world, to copy living instead of -imaginary beings, and to study the customs of actual, not ideal -society.' - -With this opinion my father perfectly coincided: the system has already -been begun, and I now pass my time in an alternation of instruction and -amusement. Morality, history, languages, and music, occupy my mornings; -and my evenings are sometimes enlivened by balls, operas, and familiar -parties. As, therefore, we shall remain some time in town, my father -has taken a house. - -Stuart, my counsellor and my companion, sits by my side, directs my -studies, re-assures my timidity, and corrects my mistakes. Indeed he -has to correct them often; for I still retain some taints of my former -follies and affectations. My postures are sometimes too picturesque, my -phrases too flowery, and my sentiments too sublime. - -This having been the day fixed for the trials of Betterton and Grundy, -the prisoners were brought to the bar, and the names of the prosecutors -called. But these did not appear, and of consequence the culprits were -discharged. It is supposed that Betterton, the great declaimer against -bribery and corruption, had tampered with the postilion and the police, -and thus escaped the fate which awaited him. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XLVIII - - -In ridding ourselves of a particular fault, we are apt, at first, to -run too far into its opposite virtue. I had poured forth my tender -feelings to you with such sentimental absurdity, when I fancied myself -enamoured of one man, that as soon as I began to reform, and found -myself actually attached to another, I determined on concealing my -fondness from you, with the most scrupulous discretion of pen. Perhaps, -therefore, I should beg your forgiveness for never having hinted to you -before, what I am now about disclosing to you without any reserve. - -Even at the very time when I thought I was bound in duty to be -devotedly in love with the hateful Grundy, I felt an unconscious -partiality for Stuart. But after my reformation, that partiality became -too decisive to be misinterpreted or concealed. And indeed he was so -constantly with me, and so kind a comforter and friend; and then so -fascinating are his manners, and so good his disposition; for I am -certain there is no such young man at all--you see in his eyes what he -is; you see instantly that his heart is all gentleness and benevolence, -and yet he has a fire in them, a fire that would delight you: and I -could tell you a thousand anecdotes of him that would astonish -you.--But what have I done with my sentence? Go back, good pen, and -restore it to the grammar it deserves: or rather leave it as it is--a -cripple for life, and hasten to the happy catastrophe. - -With a secret transport which I cannot describe, I began of late to -perceive that Stuart had become more assiduous than usual in his visits -to me; that his manners betrayed more tenderness, and his language more -regard. These attentions increased daily; nor did he omit opportunities -of hinting his passion, in terms which I could not mistake. - -This morning, however, put the matter beyond a doubt. I was alone when -he came to pay his accustomed visit. At first he made some faint -attempts at conversing upon indifferent topics; but all the time I -could perceive an uneasiness and perturbation in his manner that -surprised me. - -'Pray,' said I, at length, 'what makes you so dull and absent to-day?' - -'You,' replied he, with a smile. - -'And what have I done?' said I. - -''Tis not what you have done,' answered he; 'but what you will do.' - -'And what is that?' said I. - -He changed to a nearer chair, and looked at me with much agitation. I -guessed what was coming; I had expected it some time; but now, when the -moment arrived, I felt my heart fail; so I suddenly moved towards the -door, saying that I was sure I heard my father call. Stuart sprang -after me, and led me back by the hand. - -'When I tell you,' said he, 'that on the possession of this hand -depends my happiness, may I flatter myself with the hope that my -happiness would not contribute to your misery?' - -'As I am no longer a heroine,' said I, smiling, 'I do not intend to get -up a scene. You happen to have my hand now; and I am afraid--very much -afraid, that----' - -'That what?' cried he, holding it faster. - -'That it is not worth withdrawing,' said I. - -But in this effort to shun a romance eclaircissement, I had, I feared, -run into the contrary extreme, and betrayed an undue boldness; so I got -sentimental in good earnest, and burst into tears. Stuart led me to my -chair, and soon dissipated my uneasiness by his eloquent expressions of -gratitude and delight, and his glowing pictures of our future -happiness. I told him, that I wondered how he, who knew my failings so -well, would venture to stake his happiness upon me. - -'It was by my knowledge of your failings,' said he, 'that I discovered -your perfections. Those embarrassments of your life which I witnessed -have enabled me to judge of you more justly in a few months, than had I -been acquainted with you whole years, in the common routine of -intercourse. They have shewn me, that if you had weakness enough to -court danger, you had firmness enough to withstand temptation; and that -while the faulty part of your character was factitious and -superinduced, all the pure and generous impulses came from your heart.' - -Our conversation was interrupted by the sudden entrance of my father; -and on his hearing from Stuart (who, it seems had made him a confidant) -the favourable issue of our interview, the good old man hugged both of -us in his arms. - -To detain you no longer, a week hence is fixed for our wedding. - -I have just received a letter from Mary, mentioning her perfect -restoration to health, and her union with William. I shall offer no -observation on your late marriage with the butler; but I must remark, -that your reason for having never given me advice, during my -follies--namely, because my father had deprived you of the right to do -so, evinced more anger towards him than love for me. However, I shall -always be happy to hear of your welfare. - -Adieu. - - - - -LETTER XLIX - - -I have just time to tell you, before I leave town, that my fate was -sealed this morning, and that I am a wife. - -On my return to the house, after the ceremony, I found an epithalamium, -addressed to me by poor Higginson; but it was more filled with hints at -his own misery than congratulations upon my happiness. - -Honest Jerry Sullivan met me at the door, and shook my hand, and danced -round me in a fury of outrageous joy. - -'Well,' cried he, 'often and often I thought your freaks would get you -hanged; but may I be hanged if ever I thought they would get you -married!' - -'You see,' said I to Stuart, 'after all your pains to prevent me from -imitating romances, you have made me terminate my adventures like a -true romance--in a wedding. Pray with what moral will you now conclude -the book?' - -'I will say,' returned he, 'that virtue--no. That calamity--no. That -fortitude and resignation--oh, no! I will say, then, that Tommy Horner -was a bad boy, and would not get plumcake; and that King Pepin was a -good boy, and rode in a golden coach.' - -Adieu. - - - - - * * * * * - - - - -Transcriber's note: - -Minor typographical errors have been corrected without note. - -Irregularities and inconsistencies in the text have been retained as -printed. - - - -***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE HEROINE*** - - -******* This file should be named 43065-8.txt or 43065-8.zip ******* - - -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: -http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/4/3/0/6/43065 - - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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