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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/4281-h.zip b/4281-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..e7c35cc --- /dev/null +++ b/4281-h.zip diff --git a/4281-h/4281-h.htm b/4281-h/4281-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bc9c579 --- /dev/null +++ b/4281-h/4281-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,7219 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<HTML> +<HEAD> + +<META HTTP-EQUIV="Content-Type" CONTENT="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1"> + +<TITLE> +The Project Gutenberg E-text of Helen's Babies, by John Habberton +</TITLE> + +<STYLE TYPE="text/css"> +BODY { color: Black; + background: White; + margin-right: 10%; + margin-left: 10%; + font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; + text-align: justify } + +P {text-indent: 4% } + +P.noindent {text-indent: 0% } + +P.poem {text-indent: 0%; + margin-left: 10%; + font-size: small } + +P.letter {text-indent: 0%; + font-size: small ; + margin-left: 10% ; + margin-right: 10% } + +P.finis { font-size: larger ; + text-align: center ; + text-indent: 0% ; + margin-left: 0% ; + margin-right: 0% } + +</STYLE> + +</HEAD> + +<BODY> + + +<pre> + + + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Helen's Babies, by John Habberton + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Helen's Babies + +Author: John Habberton + +Posting Date: July 9, 2009 [EBook #4281] +Release Date: July, 2003 +First Posted: December 30, 2001 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HELEN'S BABIES *** + + + + +Produced by Robert Rowe, Charles Franks and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. HTML version by Al Haines. + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<BR><BR> + + +<table summary="" style="margin-right: auto; margin-left: auto" cellpadding="4" border="3"> +<tr> +<td> +THERE IS AN IMPROVED ILLUSTRATED EDITION OF THIS TITLE WHICH MAY VIEWED AT EBOOK <big><b><a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/51085"> +[# 51085 ]</a></b></big> +</td> +</tr> +</table> +<H1 ALIGN="center"> +HELEN'S BABIES +</H1> + +<P CLASS="noindent"> +With some account of their ways, innocent, crafty, angelic, impish, +witching and impulsive; also a partial record of their actions during +ten days of their existence +</P> + +<H2 ALIGN="center"> +By JOHN HABBERTON +</H2> + +<BR><BR> + +<P CLASS="noindent"> +The first cause, so far as it can be determined, of the existence of +this book may be found in the following letter, written by my only +married sister, and received by me, Harry Burton, salesman of white +goods, bachelor, aged twenty-eight, and received just as I was trying +to decide where I should Spend a fortnight's vacation:— +</P> + +<BR><BR> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"HILLCREST, June 15, 1875. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"DEAR HARRY:—Remembering that you are always complaining that you +never have a chance to read, and knowing that you won't get it this +summer, if you spend your vacation among people of your own set, I +write to ask you to come up here. I admit that I am not wholly +disinterested in inviting you. The truth is, Tom and I are invited to +spend a fortnight with my old schoolmate, Alice Wayne, who, you know, +is the dearest girl in the world, though you DIDN'T obey me and marry +her before Frank Wayne appeared. Well, we're dying to go, for Alice and +Frank live in splendid style; but as they haven't included our children +in their invitation, and have no children of their own, we must leave +Budge and Toddie at home. I've no doubt they'll be perfectly safe, for +my girl is a jewel, and devoted to the children, but I would feel a +great deal easier if there was a man in the house. Besides, there's the +silver, and burglars are less likely to break into a house where +there's a savage-looking man. (Never mind about thanking me for the +compliment.) If YOU'LL only come up, my mind will be completely at +rest. The children won't give you the slightest trouble; they're the +best children in the world—everybody says so. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"Tom has plenty of cigars, I know, for the money I should have had for +a new suit went to pay his cigar-man. He has some new claret, too, that +HE goes into ecstasies over, though <I>I</I> can't tell it from the vilest +black ink, except by the color. Our horses are in splendid condition, +and so is the garden—you see I don't forget your old passion for +flowers. And, last and best, there never were so many handsome girls at +Hillcrest as there are among the summer boarders already here; the +girls you already are acquainted with here will see that you meet all +the newer acquisitions. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"Reply by telegraph right away. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"Of course you'll say 'Yes.' +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"In great haste, your loving +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"SISTER HELEN. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +P. S. You shall have our own chamber; it catches every breeze, and +commands the finest views. The children's room communicates with it; +so, if anything SHOULD happen to the darlings at night, you'd be sure +to hear them." +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +"Just the thing!" I ejaculated. Five minutes later I had telegraphed +Helen my acceptance of her invitation, and had mentally selected books +enough to busy me during a dozen vacations. Without sharing Helen's +belief that her boys were the best ones in the world, I knew them well +enough to feel assured that they would not give me any annoyance. There +were two of them, since Baby Phil died last fall; Budge, the elder, was +five years of age, and had generally, during my flying visits to Helen, +worn a shy, serious, meditative, noble face, with great, pure, +penetrating eyes, that made me almost fear their stare. Tom declared he +was a born philanthropist or prophet, and Helen made so free with Miss +Muloch's lines as to sing:— +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "Ah, the day that THOU goest a-wooing,<BR> + Budgie, my boy!"<BR> +</P> + +<P> +Toddie had seen but three summers, and was a happy little know-nothing, +with a head full of tangled yellow hair, and a very pretty fancy for +finding out sunbeams and dancing in them. I had long envied Tom his +horses, his garden, his house and his location, and the idea of +controlling them for a fortnight was particularly delightful. Tom's +taste in cigars and claret I had always respected, while the lady +inhabitants of Hillcrest were, according to my memory, much like those +of every other suburban village, the fairest of their sex. +</P> + +<P> +Three days later I made the hour and a half trip between New York and +Hillcrest, and hired a hackman to drive me over to Tom's. Half a mile +from my brother-in-law's residence, our horses shied violently, and the +driver, after talking freely to them, turned to me and remarked:— +</P> + +<P> +"That was one of the 'Imps.'" +</P> + +<P> +"What was?" I asked. +</P> + +<P> +"That little cuss that scared the hosses. There he is, now, holdin' up +that piece of brushwood. 'Twould be just like his cheek, now, to ask me +to let him ride. Here he comes, runnin'. Wonder where t'other is?—they +most generally travel together. We call 'em the Imps, about these +parts, because they're so uncommon likely at mischief. Always skeerin' +hosses, or chasin' cows, or frightenin' chickens. Nice enough father +an' mother, too—queer, how young ones do turn out." +</P> + +<P> +As he spoke, the offending youth came panting beside our carriage, and +in a very dirty sailor-suit, and under a broad-brimmed straw hat, with +one stocking about his ankle, and two shoes, averaging about two +buttons each, I recognized my nephew, Budge! About the same time there +emerged from the bushes by the roadside a smaller boy in a green +gingham dress, a ruffle which might once have been white, dirty +stockings, blue slippers worn through at the toes, and an old-fashioned +straw-turban. Thrusting into the dust of the road a branch from a bush, +and shouting, "Here's my grass-cutter!" he ran toward us enveloped in a +"pillar of cloud," which might have served the purpose of Israel in +Egypt. When he paused and the dust had somewhat subsided, I beheld the +unmistakable lineaments of the child Toddie! +</P> + +<P> +"They're—my nephews," I gasped. +</P> + +<P> +"What!" exclaimed the driver. "By gracious! I forgot you were going to +Colonel Lawrence's! I didn't tell anything but the truth about 'em, +though; they're smart enough, an' good enough, as boys go; but they'll +never die of the complaint that children has in Sunday-school books." +</P> + +<P> +"Budge," said I, with all the sternness I could command, "do you know +me?" +</P> + +<P> +The searching eyes of the embryo prophet and philanthropist scanned me +for a moment, then their owner replied:— +</P> + +<P> +"Yes; you're Uncle Harry. Did you bring us anything?" +</P> + +<P> +"Bring us anything?" echoed Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"I wish I could have brought you some big whippings," said I, with +great severity of manner, "for behaving so badly. Get into this +carriage." +</P> + +<P> +"Come on, Tod," shouted Budge, although Toddie's farther ear was not a +yard from Budge's mouth. "Uncle Harry's going to take us riding!" +</P> + +<P> +"Going to take us riding!" echoed Toddie, with the air of one in a +reverie; both the echo and the reverie I soon learned were +characteristics of Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +As they clambered into the carriage I noticed that each one carried a +very dirty towel, knotted in the center into what is known as a +slip-noose knot, drawn very tight. After some moments of disgusted +contemplation of these rags, without being in the least able to +comprehend their purpose, I asked Budge what those towels were for. +</P> + +<P> +"They're not towels—they're dollies," promptly answered my nephew. +</P> + +<P> +"Goodness!" I exclaimed. "I should think your mother could buy you +respectable dolls, and not let you appear in public with those +loathsome rags." +</P> + +<P> +"We don't like buyed dollies," explained Budge. "These dollies is +lovely; mine's name is Mary, an' Toddie's is Marfa." +</P> + +<P> +"Marfa?" I queried. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes; don't you know about +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "Marfa and Mary's jus' gone along<BR> + To ring dem charmin' bells,<BR> +</P> + +<P CLASS="noindent"> +that them Jubilee sings about?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Martha, you mean?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, Marfa—that's what I say. Toddie's dolly's got brown eyes, an' my +dolly's got blue eyes." +</P> + +<P> +"I want to shee yours watch," remarked Toddie, snatching at my chain, +and rolling into my lap. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh—oo—ee, so do I," shouted Budge, hastening to occupy one knee, and +IN TRANSITU wiping his shoes on my trousers and the skirts of my coat. +Each imp put an arm about me to steady himself, as I produced my +three-hundred-dollar time-keeper and showed them the dial. +</P> + +<P> +"I want to see the wheels go round," said Budge. +</P> + +<P> +"Want to shee wheels go wound," echoed Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"No; I can't open my watch where there's so much dust," I said. +</P> + +<P> +"What for?" inquired Budge. +</P> + +<P> +"Want to shee the wheels go wound," repeated Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"The dust gets inside the watch and spoils it," I explained. +</P> + +<P> +"Want to shee the wheels go wound," said Toddie, once more. +</P> + +<P> +"I tell you I can't, Toddie," said I, with considerable asperity. "Dust +spoils watches." +</P> + +<P> +The innocent gray eyes looked up wonderingly, the dirty, but pretty +lips parted slightly, and Toddie murmured:— +</P> + +<P> +"Want to shee the wheels go wound." +</P> + +<P> +I abruptly closed my watch and put it into my pocket. Instantly +Toddie's lower lip commenced to turn outward, and continued to do so +until I seriously feared the bony portion of his chin would be exposed +to view. Then his lower jaw dropped, and he cried:— +</P> + +<P> +"Ah—h—h—h—h—h—want—to—shee—the wheels—go wou—OUND." +</P> + +<P> +"Charles" (Charles is his baptismal name),—"Charles," I exclaimed with +some anger, "stop that noise this instant! Do you hear me?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes—oo—oo—oo—ahoo—ahoo." +</P> + +<P> +"Then stop it." +</P> + +<P> +"Wants to shee—" +</P> + +<P> +"Toddie, I've got some candy in my trunk, but I won't give you a bit if +you don't stop that infernal noise." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, I wants to shee wheels go wound. Ah—ah—h—h—h—h!" +</P> + +<P> +"Toddie, dear, don't cry so. Here's some ladies coming in a carriage; +you wouldn't let THEM see you crying, would you? You shall see the +wheels go round as soon as we get home." +</P> + +<P> +A carriage containing a couple of ladies was rapidly approaching, as +Toddie again raised his voice. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah—h—h—wants to shee wheels—" +</P> + +<P> +Madly I snatched my watch from my pocket, opened the case, and exposed +the works to view. The other carriage was meeting ours, and I dropped +my head to avoid meeting the glance of the unknown occupants, for my +few moments of contact with my dreadful nephews had made me feel +inexpressibly unneat. Suddenly the carriage with the ladies stopped. I +heard my own name spoken, and raising my head quickly (encountering +Budge's bullet head EN ROUTE to the serious disarrangement of my hat), +I looked into the other carriage. There, erect, fresh, neat, composed, +bright-eyed, fair-faced, smiling and observant,—she would have been +all this, even if the angel of the resurrection had just sounded his +dreadful trump,—sat Miss Alice Mayton, a lady who, for about a year, I +had been adoring from afar. +</P> + +<P> +"When did YOU arrive, Mr. Burton?" she asked, "and how long have you +been officiating as child's companion? You're certainly a happy-looking +trio—so unconventional. I hate to see children all dressed up and +stiff as little manikins, when they go out to ride. And you look as if +you had been having SUCH a good time with them." +</P> + +<P> +"I—I assure you, Miss Mayton," said I, "that my experience has been +the exact reverse of a pleasant one. If King Herod were yet alive I'd +volunteer as an executioner, and engage to deliver two interesting +corpses at a moment's notice." +</P> + +<P> +"You dreadful wretch!" exclaimed the lady. "Mother, let me make you +acquainted with Mr. Burton,—Helen Lawrence's brother. How is your +sister, Mr. Burton?" +</P> + +<P> +"I don't know," I replied; "she has gone with her husband on a +fortnight's visit to Captain and Mrs. Wayne, and I've been silly enough +to promise to have an eye to the place while they're away." +</P> + +<P> +"Why, how delightful!" exclaimed Miss Mayton. "SUCH horses! SUCH +flowers! SUCH a cook!" +</P> + +<P> +"And such children," said I, glaring suggestively at the imps, and +rescuing from Toddie a handkerchief which he had extracted from my +pocket, and was waving to the breeze. +</P> + +<P> +"Why, they're the best children in the world. Helen told me so the +first time I met her this season! Children will be children, you know. +We had three little cousins with us last summer, and I'm sure they made +me look years older than I really am." +</P> + +<P> +"How young you must be, then, Miss Mayton!" said I. I suppose I looked +at her as if I meant what I said, for, although she inclined her head +and said, "Oh, thank you," she didn't seem to turn my compliment off in +her usual invulnerable style. Nothing happening in the course of +conversation ever discomposed Alice Mayton for more than a hundred +seconds, however, so she soon recovered her usual expression and +self-command, as her next remark fully indicated. +</P> + +<P> +"I believe you arranged the floral decorations at the St. Zephaniah's +Fair, last winter, Mr. Burton? 'Twas the most tasteful display of the +season. I don't wish to give any hints, but at Mrs. Clarkson's, where +we're boarding, there's not a flower in the whole garden. I break the +Tenth Commandment dreadfully every time I pass Colonel Lawrence's +garden. Good-by, Mr. Burton." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, thank you; I shall be delighted. Good-by." +</P> + +<P> +"Of course you'll call," said Miss Mayton, as her carriage +started,—"it's dreadfully stupid here—no men except on Sundays." +</P> + +<P> +I bowed assent. In the contemplation of all the shy possibilities which +my short chat with Miss Mayton had suggested, I had quite forgotten my +dusty clothing and the two living causes thereof. While in Miss +Mayton's presence the imps had preserved perfect silence, but now their +tongues were loosened. +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Harry," said Budge, "do you know how to make whistles?" +</P> + +<P> +"Ucken Hawwy," murmured Toddie, "does you love dat lady?" +</P> + +<P> +"No, Toddie, of course not." +</P> + +<P> +"Then you's baddy man, an' de Lord won't let you go to heaven if you +don't love peoples." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, Budge," I answered hastily, "I do know how to make whistles, and +you shall have one." +</P> + +<P> +"Lord don't like mans what don't love peoples," reiterated Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"All right, Toddie," said I. "I'll see if I can't please the Lord some +way. Driver, whip up, won't you? I'm in a hurry to turn these +youngsters over to the girl, and ask her to drop them into the +bath-tub." +</P> + +<P> +I found Helen had made every possible arrangement for my comfort. Her +room commanded exquisite views of mountain-slope and valley, and even +the fact that the imps' bedroom adjoined mine gave me comfort, for I +thought of the pleasure of contemplating them while they were asleep, +and beyond the power of tormenting their deluded uncle. +</P> + +<P> +At the supper-table Budge and Toddie appeared cleanly clothed in their +rightful faces. Budge seated himself at the table; Toddie pushed back +his high-chair, climbed into it, and shouted: +</P> + +<P> +"Put my legs under ze tabo." +</P> + +<P> +Rightfully construing this remark as a request to be moved to the +table, I fulfilled his desire. The girl poured tea for me and milk for +the children, and retired; and then I remembered, to my dismay, that +Helen never had a servant in the dining-room except upon grand +occasions, her idea being that servants retail to their friends the +cream of the private conversation of the family circle. In principle I +agreed with her, but the penalty of the practical application, with +these two little cormorants on my hands, was greater suffering than any +I had ever been called upon to endure for principle's sake; but there +was no help for it. I resignedly rapped on the table, bowed my head, +said, "From what we are about to receive, the Lord make us thankful," +and asked Budge whether he ate bread or biscuit. +</P> + +<P> +"Why, we ain't asked no blessin' yet," said he. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, I did, Budge," said I. "Didn't you hear me?" +</P> + +<P> +"Do you mean what you said just now?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, I don't think that was no blessin' at all. Papa never says that +kind of a blessin'." +</P> + +<P> +"What does papa say, may I ask?" I inquired, with becoming meekness. +</P> + +<P> +"Why, papa says, 'Our Father, we thank thee for this food; mercifully +remember with us all the hungry and needy to-day, for Christ's sake, +Amen.' That's what he says." +</P> + +<P> +"It means the same thing, Budge." +</P> + +<P> +"<I>I</I> don't think it does; and Toddie didn't have no time to say HIS +blessin'. I don't think the Lord'll like it if you do it that way." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, he will, old boy; he knows what people mean." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, how can he tell what Toddie means if Toddie can't say anything?" +</P> + +<P> +"Wantsh to shay my blessin'," whined Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +It was enough; my single encounter with Toddie had taught me to respect +the young gentleman's force of character. So again I bowed my head, and +repeated what Budge had reported as "papa's blessin'," Budge kindly +prompting me where my memory failed. The moment I began, Toddie +commenced to jabber rapidly and aloud, and the instant the "Amen" was +pronounced he raised his head and remarked with evident satisfaction:— +</P> + +<P> +"I shed my blessin' TWO timesh." +</P> + +<P> +And Budge said gravely:— +</P> + +<P> +"NOW I guess we are all right." +</P> + +<P> +The supper was an exquisite one, but the appetites of those dreadful +children effectually prevented my enjoying the repast. I hastily +retired, called the girl, and instructed, her to see that the children +had enough to eat, and were put to bed immediately after; then I lit a +cigar and strolled into the garden. The roses were just in bloom, the +air was full of the perfume of honeysuckles, the rhododendrons had not +disappeared, while I saw promise of the early unfolding of many other +pet flowers of mine. I confess that I took a careful survey of the +garden to see how fine a bouquet I might make for Miss Mayton, and was +so abundantly satisfied with the material before me that I longed to +begin the work at once, but that it would seem too hasty for true +gentility. So I paced the paths, my hands behind my back, and my face +well hidden by fragrant clouds of smoke, and went into wondering and +reveries. I wondered if there was any sense in the language of flowers, +of which I had occasionally seen mention made by silly writers; I +wished I had learned it if it had any meaning; I wondered if Miss +Mayton understood it. At any rate, I fancied I could arrange flowers to +the taste of any lady whose face I had ever seen; and for Alice Mayton +I would make something so superb that her face could not help lighting +up when she beheld it. I imagined just how her bluish-gray eyes would +brighten, her cheeks would redden,—not with sentiment, not a bit of +it; but with genuine pleasure,—how her strong lips would part slightly +and disclose sweet lines not displayed when she held her features well +in hand. I—I, a clear-headed, driving, successful salesman of white +goods—actually wished I might be divested of all nineteenth-century +abilities and characteristics, and be one of those fairies that only +silly girls and crazy poets think of, and might, unseen, behold the +meeting of my flowers with this highly cultivated specimen of the only +sort of flowers our cities produce. What flower did she most resemble? +A lily?—no; too—not exactly too bold, but too—too, well, I couldn't +think of the word, but clearly it wasn't bold. A rose! Certainly, not +like those glorious but blazing remontants, nor yet like the shy, +delicate, ethereal tea-roses with their tender suggestions of color. +Like this perfect Gloire de Dijon, perhaps; strong, vigorous, +self-asserting, among its more delicate sisterhood; yet shapely, +perfect in outline and development, exquisite, enchanting in its never +fully-analyzed tints, yet compelling the admiration of every one, and +recalling its admirers again and again by the unspoken appeal of its +own perfection—its unvarying radiance. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah—h—h—h—ee—ee—ee—ee—ee—oo—oo—oo—oo" came from the window +over my head. Then came a shout of—"Uncle Harry!" in a voice I +recognized as that of Budge. I made no reply: there are moments when +the soul is full of utterances unfit to be heard by childish ears. +"Uncle Har-RAY!" repeated Budge. Then I heard a window-blind open, and +Budge exclaiming:— +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Harry, we want you to come and tell us stories." +</P> + +<P> +I turned my eyes upward quickly, and was about to send a savage +negative in the same direction, when I saw in the window a face unknown +and yet remembered. Could those great, wistful eyes, that angelic +mouth, that spiritual expression, belong to my nephew Budge? Yes, it +must be—certainly that super-celestial nose and those enormous ears +never belonged to any one else. I turned abruptly, and entered the +house, and was received at the head of the stairway by two little +figures in white, the larger of which remarked:— +</P> + +<P> +"We want you tell us stories—papa always does nights." +</P> + +<P> +"Very well, jump into bed—what kind of stories do you like?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, 'bout Jonah," said Budge. +</P> + +<P> +"'Bout Jonah," echoed Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, Jonah was out in the sun one day and a gourd-vine grew up all of +a sudden, and made it nice and shady for him, and then it all faded as +quick as it came." +</P> + +<P> +A dead silence prevailed for a moment, and then Budge indignantly +remarked:— +</P> + +<P> +"That ain't Jonah a bit—<I>I</I> know 'bout Jonah." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, you do, do you?" said I. "Then maybe you'll be so good as to +enlighten me?" +</P> + +<P> +"Huh?" +</P> + +<P> +"If you know about Jonah, tell me the story; I'd really enjoy listening +to it." +</P> + +<P> +"Well," said Budge, "once upon a time the Lord told Jonah to go to +Nineveh and tell the people they was all bad. But Jonah didn't want to +go, so he went on a boat that was going to Joppa. And then there was a +big storm, an' it rained an' blowed and the big waves went as high as a +house. An' the sailors thought there must be somebody on the boat that +the Lord didn't like. An' Jonah said he guessed HE was the man. So they +picked him up and froed him in the ocean, an' I don't think it was well +for 'em to do that after Jonah told the troof. An' a big whale was +comin' along, and he was awful hungry, cos the little fishes what he +likes to eat all went down to the bottom of the ocean when it began to +storm, and whales can't go to the bottom of the ocean, cos they have to +come up to breeve, an' little fishes don't. An' Jonah found 'twas all +dark inside the whale, and there wasn't any fire there, an' it was all +wet, and he couldn't take off his clothes to dry, cos there wasn't no +place to hang 'em, an' there wasn't no windows to look out of, nor +nothin' to eat, nor nothin' nor nothin' nor nothin.' So he asked the +Lord to let Mm out, an' the Lord was sorry for him, an' he made the +whale go up close to the land, an' Jonah jumped right out of his mouth, +an' WASN'T he glad? An' then he went to Nineveh, an' done what the Lord +told him to, and he ought to have done it in the first place if he had +known what was good for him." +</P> + +<P> +"Done first payshe, know what's dood for him," asserted Toddie, in +support of his brother's assertion. "Tell us 'nudder story." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, no, sing us a song," suggested Budge. +</P> + +<P> +"Shing us shong," echoed Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +I searched my mind for a song, but the only one which came promptly was +"M'Appari," several bars of which I gave my juvenile audience, when +Budge interrupted me, saying:— +</P> + +<P> +"I don't think that's a very good song." +</P> + +<P> +"Why not, Budge?" +</P> + +<P> +"Cos I don't. I don't know a word what you're talking 'bout." +</P> + +<P> +"Shing 'bout 'Glory, glory, hallelulyah,'" suggested Toddie, and I +meekly obeyed. The old air has a wonderful influence over me. I heard +it in western camp-meetings and negro-cabins when I was a boy; I saw +the 22d Massachusetts march down Broadway, singing the same air during +the rush to the front during the early days of the war; I have heard it +sung by warrior tongues in nearly every Southern State; I heard it +roared by three hundred good old Hunker Democrats as they escorted New +York's first colored regiment to their place of embarkation; my old +brigade sang it softly, but with a swing that was terrible in its +earnestness, as they lay behind their stacks of arms just before going +to action; I have heard it played over the grave of many a dead +comrade; the semi-mutinous—the cavalry became peaceful and patriotic +again as their band-master played the old air after having asked +permission to try HIS hand on them; it is the same that burst forth +spontaneously in our barracks, on that glorious morning when we learned +that the war was over, and it was sung, with words adapted to the +occasion, by some good rebel friends of mine, on our first social +meeting after the war. All these recollections came hurrying into my +mind as I sang, and probably excited me beyond my knowledge, for Budge +suddenly remarked:— +</P> + +<P> +"Don't sing that all day, Uncle Harry; you sing so loud, it hurts my +head." +</P> + +<P> +"Beg your pardon, Budge," said I. "Good-night." +</P> + +<P> +"Why, Uncle Harry, are you going? You didn't hear us say our +prayers,—papa always does." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh! Well, go ahead." +</P> + +<P> +"You must say yours first," said Budge; "that's the way papa does." +</P> + +<P> +"Very well," said I, and I repeated St. Chrysostom's prayer, from the +Episcopal service. I had hardly said "Amen," when Budge remarked:— +</P> + +<P> +"My papa don't say any of them things at all; I don't think that's a +very good prayer." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, you say a good prayer, Budge." +</P> + +<P> +"Allright." Budge shut his eyes, dropped his voice to the most perfect +tone of supplication, while his face seemed fit for a sleeping angel, +then he said:— +</P> + +<P> +"Dear Lord, we thank you for lettin' us have a good time to-day, an' we +hope all the little boys everywhere have had good times too. We pray +you to take care of us an' everybody else to-night, an' don't let 'em +have any trouble. Oh, yes, an' Uncle Harry's got some candy in his +trunk, cos he said so in the carriage,—we thank you for lettin' Uncle +Harry come to see us, an' we hope he's got LOTS of candy—lots an' +piles. An' we pray you to take good care of all the poor little boys +and girls that haven't got any papas an' mammas an' Uncle Harrys an' +candy an' beds to sleep in. An' take us all to Heaven when we die, for +Christ's sake. Amen. Now give us the candy, Uncle Harry." +</P> + +<P> +"Hush, Budge; don't Toddie say any prayers?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh yes; go on, Tod." +</P> + +<P> +Toddie closed his eyes, wriggled, twisted, breathed hard and quick, +acting generally as if prayers were principally a matter of physical +exertion. At last he began:— +</P> + +<P> +"Dee Lord, not make me sho bad, an' besh mamma, an' papa, an' Budgie, +and doppity, [Footnote: Grandmother.] an' both boggies, [Footnote: +Grandfathers.] an' all good people in dish house, and everybody else, +an' my dolly. A—a—amen!" +</P> + +<P> +"Now give us the candy," said Budge, with the usual echo from Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +I hastily extracted the candy from my trunk, gave some to each boy, the +recipients fairly shrieking with delight, and once more said good-night. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, you didn't give us any pennies," said Budge. "Papa gives us some +to put in our banks, every nights." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, I haven't got any now—wait until to-morrow." +</P> + +<P> +"Then we want drinks." +</P> + +<P> +"I'll let Maggie bring you drink." +</P> + +<P> +"Want my dolly," murmured Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +I found the knotted towels, took the dirty things up gingerly and threw +them upon the bed. +</P> + +<P> +"Now want to shee wheels go wound," said Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +I hurried out of the room and slammed the door. I looked at my +watch—it was half-past eight; I had spent an hour and a half with +those dreadful children. They WERE funny to be sure—I found myself +laughing in spite of my indignation. Still, if they were to monopolize +my time as they had already done, when was I to do my reading? Taking +Fiske's "Cosmic Philosophy" from my trunk I descended to the back +parlor, lit a cigar and a student-lamp, and began to read. I had not +fairly commenced when I heard a patter of small feet, and saw my elder +nephew before me. There was sorrowful protestation in every line of his +countenance, as he exclaimed:— +</P> + +<P> +"You didn't say 'Good-by' nor 'God bless you' nor anything." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh—good-by." +</P> + +<P> +"Good-by." +</P> + +<P> +"God bless you." +</P> + +<P> +"God bless you." +</P> + +<P> +Budge seemed waiting for something else. At last he said:— +</P> + +<P> +"Papa says, 'God bless everybody.'" +</P> + +<P> +"Well, God bless everybody." +</P> + +<P> +"God bless everybody," responded Budge, and turned silently and went +up-stairs. +</P> + +<P> +"Bless your tormenting honest little heart," I said to myself; "if men +trusted God as you do your papa, how little business there'd be for +preachers to do." +</P> + +<P> +The night was a perfect one. The pure fresh air, the perfume of the +flowers, the music of the insect choir in the trees and shrubbery—the +very season itself seemed to forbid my reading philosophy, so I laid +Fiske aside, delighted myself with a few rare bits from Paul Hayne's +new volume of poems, read a few chapters of "One Summer," and finally +sauntered off to bed. My nephews were slumbering sweetly; it seemed +impossible that the pure, exquisite, angelic faces before me belonged +to my tormentors of a few hours before. As I lay on my couch I could +see the dark shadow and rugged crest of the mountain; above it, the +silver stars against the blue, and below it the rival lights of the +fireflies against the dark background formed by the mountain itself. No +rumbling of wheels tormented me, nor any of the thousand noises that +fill city air with the spirit of unrest, and I fell into a wonder +almost indignant that sensible, comfortable, loving beings could live +in horrible New York, while such delightful rural homes were so near at +hand. Then Alice Mayton came into my mind, and then a customer; later, +stars and trademarks, and bouquets, and dirty nephews, and fireflies +and bad accounts, and railway tickets, and candy and Herbert Spencer, +mixed themselves confusingly in my mind. Then a vision of a proud +angel, in the most fashionable attire and a modern carriage, came and +banished them all by its perfect radiance, and I was sinking in the +most blissful unconsciousness— +</P> + +<P> +"Ah—h—h—h—h—h—oo—oo—oo—oo—ee—ee—ee—" +</P> + +<P> +"Sh—h—h!" I hissed. +</P> + +<P> +The warning was heeded, and I soon relapsed into oblivion. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah—h—h—h—oo—oo—ee—ee—ee—BE—ee." +</P> + +<P> +"Toddie, do you want uncle to whip you?" +</P> + +<P> +"No." +</P> + +<P> +"Then lie still." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, Ize lost my dolly, an' I tant find her anywhere." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, I'll find her for you in the morning." +</P> + +<P> +"Oo—oo—ee—I wants my dolly." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, I tell you I'll find her for you in the morning." +</P> + +<P> +"I want her NOW—oo—oo—" +</P> + +<P> +"You can't have her now, so you can go to sleep." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh—oo—oo—oo—ee—" +</P> + +<P> +Springing madly to my feet, I started for the offender's room. I +encountered a door ajar by the way, my forehead being first to discover +it. I ground my teeth, lit a candle, and said something—no matter what. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, you said a bad swear!" ejaculated Toddie. "You won't go to heaven +when you die." +</P> + +<P> +"Neither will you, if you howl like a little demon all night. Are you +going to be quiet, now?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yesh, but I wants my dolly." +</P> + +<P> +"<I>I</I> don't know where your dolly is—do you suppose I'm going to search +this entire house for that confounded dolly?" +</P> + +<P> +"'TAIN'T 'founded. I wants my dolly." +</P> + +<P> +"I don't know where it is; you don't think I stole your dolly, do you?" +</P> + +<P> +"Well, I wants it, in de bed wif me." +</P> + +<P> +"Charles," said I, "when you arise in morning, I hope your doll will be +found. At present, however, you must be resigned and go to sleep. I'll +cover you up nicely;" here I began to rearrange the bed-clothing, when +the fateful dolly, source of all my woes, tumbled out of them. Toddie +clutched it, his whole face lighting up with affectionate delight, and +he screamed:— +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, dare is my dee dolly: tum to your own papa, dolly, an' I'll love +you." +</P> + +<P> +And that ridiculous child was so completely satisfied by his outlay of +affection that my own indignation gave place to genuine artistic +pleasure. One CAN tire of even beautiful pictures, though, when he is +not fully awake, and is holding a candle in a draught of air; so I +covered my nephews and returned to my own room, where I mused upon the +contradictoriness of childhood until I fell asleep. +</P> + +<P> +In the morning I was awakened very early by the light streaming in the +window, the blinds of which I had left open the night before. The air +was alive with bird-songs, and the eastern sky was flushing with tints +which no painter's canvas ever caught. But ante-sunrise skies and songs +are not fit subjects for the continued contemplation of men who read +until midnight; so I hastily closed the blinds, drew the shade, dropped +the curtains and lay down again, dreamily thanking heaven that I was to +fall asleep to such exquisite music. I am sure that I mentally forgave +all my enemies as I dropped off into a most delicious doze, but the +sudden realization that a light hand was passing over my cheek roused +me to savage anger in an instant. I sprang up, and saw Budge shrink +timidly away from my bedside. +</P> + +<P> +"I was only a-lovin' you, cos you was good, and brought us candy. Papa +lets us love him whenever we want to—every morning he does." +</P> + +<P> +"As early as this?" demanded I. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, just as soon as we can see, if we want to." +</P> + +<P> +Poor Tom! I never COULD comprehend why with a good wife, a comfortable +income, and a clear conscience, he need always look thin and +worn—worse than he ever did in Virginia woods or Louisiana swamps. But +now I knew all. And yet, what could one do? That child's eyes and +voice, and his expression, which exceeded in sweetness that of any of +the angels I had ever imagined,—that child could coax a man to do more +self-forgetting deeds than the shortening of his precious +sleeping-hours amounted to. In fact, he was fast divesting me of my +rightful sleepiness, so I kissed him and said:— +</P> + +<P> +"Run to bed, now, dear old fellow, and let uncle go to sleep again. +After breakfast, I'll make you a whistle." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, will you?" The angel turned into a boy at once. "Yes; now run +along." +</P> + +<P> +"A LOUD whistle—a real loud one?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, but not if you don't go right back to bed." +</P> + +<P> +The sound of little footsteps receded as I turned over and closed my +eyes. Speedily the bird-song seemed to grow fainter; my thoughts +dropped to pieces; I seemed to be floating on fleecy clouds, in company +with hundreds of cherubs with Budge's features and night-drawers— +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Harry!" +</P> + +<P> +May the Lord forget the prayer I put up just then! +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Harry!" +</P> + +<P> +"I'll discipline you, my fine little boy," thought I. "Perhaps, if I +let you shriek your abominable little throat hoarse, you'll learn +better than to torment your uncle, that was just getting ready to love +you dearly." +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Har-RAY!" +</P> + +<P> +"Howl, away, you little imp," thought I. "You've got me wide awake, and +your lungs may suffer for it." Suddenly I heard, although in sleepy +tones, and with a lazy drawl, some words which appalled me. The +murmurer was Toddie:— +</P> + +<P> +"Want—she—wheels—go—wound." +</P> + +<P> +"Budge!" I shouted, in the desperation of my dread lest Toddie, too, +might wake up, "what DO you want?" +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Harry!" +</P> + +<P> +"WHAT!" +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Harry, what kind of wood are you going to make the whistle out +of?" +</P> + +<P> +"I won't make any at all—I'll cut a big stick and give you a sound +whipping with it, for not keeping quiet, as I told you to."' +</P> + +<P> +"Why, Uncle Harry, papa don't whip us with sticks—he spanks us." +</P> + +<P> +Heavens! Papa! papa! papa! Was I never to have done with this eternal +quotation of "papa"? I was horrified to find myself gradually +conceiving a dire hatred of my excellent brother-in-law. One thing was +certain, at any rate: sleep was no longer possible; so I hastily +dressed, and went into the garden. Among the beauty and the fragrance +of the flowers, and in the delicious morning air, I succeeded in +regaining my temper, and was delighted, on answering the +breakfast-bell, two hours later, to have Budge accost me with:— +</P> + +<P> +"Why, Uncle Harry, where was you? We looked all over the house for you, +and couldn't find a speck of you." +</P> + +<P> +The breakfast was an excellent one. I afterward learned that Helen, +dear old girl, had herself prepared a bill of fare for every meal I +should take in the house. As the table talk of myself and nephews was +not such as could do harm by being repeated, I requested Maggie, the +servant, to wait upon the children, and I accompanied my request with a +small treasury note. Relieved, thus, of all responsibility for the +dreadful appetites of my nephews, I did full justice to the repast, and +even regarded with some interest and amusement the industry of Budge +and Toddie with their tiny forks and spoons. They ate rapidly for a +while, but soon their appetites weakened and their tongues were +unloosed. +</P> + +<P> +"Ocken Hawwy," remarked Toddie, "daysh an awfoo funny chunt up +'tairs—awfoo BIG chunt. I show it you after brepspup." +</P> + +<P> +"Toddie's a silly little boy," said Budge; "he always says brepspup for +brekbux." [Footnote: Breakfast.] +</P> + +<P> +"Oh! What does he mean by chunt, Budge?" +</P> + +<P> +"I GUESS he means trunk," replied my oldest nephew. +</P> + +<P> +Recollections of my childish delight in rummaging an old trunk—it +seems a century ago that I did it—caused me to smile sympathetically +at Toddie, to his apparent great delight. How delightful it is to +strike a sympathetic chord in child-nature, thought I; how quickly the +infant eye comprehends the look which precedes the verbal expression of +an idea! Dear Toddie! for years we might sit at one table, careless of +each other's words, but the casual mention of one of thy delights has +suddenly brought our souls into that sweetest of all human +communions—that one which doubtless bound the Master himself to that +apostle who was otherwise apparently the weakest among the chosen +twelve. "An awfoo funny chunt" seemed to annihilate suddenly all +differences of age, condition and experience between the wee boy and +myself, and— +</P> + +<P> +A direful thought struck me. I dashed up-stairs and into my room. Yes, +he DID mean my trunk. <I>I</I> could see nothing funny about it—quite the +contrary. The bond of sympathy between my nephew and myself was +suddenly broken. Looking at the matter from the comparative distance +which a few weeks have placed between that day and this, I can see that +I was unable to consider the scene before me with a calm and +unprejudiced mind. I am now satisfied that the sudden birth and hasty +decease of my sympathy with Toddie were striking instances of human +inconsistency. My soul had gone out to his because he loved to rummage +in trunks, and because I imagined he loved to see the monument of +incongruous material which resulted from such an operation; the scene +before me showed clearly that I had rightly divined my nephew's nature. +And yet my selfish instincts hastened to obscure my soul's vision, and +to prevent that joy which should ensue when "Faith is lost in full +fruition." +</P> + +<P> +My trunk had contained nearly everything, for while a campaigner I had +learned to reduce packing to an exact science. Now, had there been an +atom of pride in my composition I might have glorified myself, for it +certainly seemed as if the heap upon the floor could never have come +out of a single trunk. Clearly, Toddie was more of a general +connoisseur than an amateur in packing. The method of his work I +quickly discerned, and the discovery threw some light upon the size of +the heap in front of my trunk. A dress-hat and its case, when their +natural relationship is dissolved, occupy nearly twice as much space as +before, even if the former contains a blacking-box not usually kept in +it, and the latter contains a few cigars soaking in bay rum. The same +might be said of a portable dressing-case and its contents, bought for +me in Vienna by a brother ex-soldier, and designed by an old +continental campaigner to be perfection itself. The straps which +prevented the cover from falling entirely back had been cut, broken or +parted in some way, and in its hollow lay my dresscoat, tightly rolled +up. Snatching it up with a violent exclamation, and unrolling it, there +dropped from it—one of those infernal dolls. At the same time a howl +was sounded from the doorway. +</P> + +<P> +"You tookted my dolly out of her cradle—I want to wock my +dolly—oo—oo—oo—ee—ee—ee—" +</P> + +<P> +"You young scoundrel," I screamed—yes, howled, I was so enraged—"I've +a great mind to cut your throat this minute. What do you mean by +meddling with my trunk?" +</P> + +<P> +"I—doe—know." Outward turned Toddie's lower lip; I believe the sight +of it would move a Bengal tiger to pity, but no such thought occurred +to me just then. +</P> + +<P> +"What made you do it?" +</P> + +<P> +"BE—cause." +</P> + +<P> +"Because what?" +</P> + +<P> +"I—doe—know." +</P> + +<P> +Just then a terrific roar arose from the garden. Looking out, I saw +Budge with a bleeding finger upon one hand, and my razor in the other; +he afterward explained he had been making a boat, and that knife was +bad to him. To apply adhesive plaster to the cut was the work of but a +minute, and I had barely completed this surgical operation when Tom's +gardener-coachman appeared and handed me a letter. It was addressed in +Helen's well-known hand, and read as follows (the passages in brackets +were my own comments):— +</P> + +<BR> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"BLOOMDALE, June 21, 1875. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"DEAR HARRY:—I'm very happy in the thought that you are with my +darling children, and, although I'm having a lovely time here, I often +wish I was with you. [Ump—so do I.] I want you to know the little +treasures real well. [Thank you, but I don't think I care to extend the +acquaintanceship farther than is absolutely necessary.] It seems to me +so unnatural that relatives know so little of those of their own blood, +and especially of the innocent little spirits whose existence is almost +unheeded. [Not when there's unlocked trunks standing about, sis.] +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"Now I want to ask a favor of you. When we were boys and girls at home, +you used to talk perfect oceans about physiognomy, and phrenology, and +unerring signs of character. I thought it was all nonsense then, but if +you believe any of it NOW, I wish you'd study the children, and give me +your well-considered opinion of them. [Perfect demons, ma'am; imps, +rascals, born to be hung—both of them.] +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"I can't get over the feeling that dear Budge is born for something +grand. [Grand nuisance.] He is sometimes so thoughtful and so absorbed, +that I almost fear the result of disturbing him; then, he has that +faculty of perseverance which seems to be the on|y thing some men have +lacked to make them great. [He certainly has it; he exemplified it +while I was trying to get to sleep this morning.] +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"Toddie is going to make a poet or a musician or an artist. [That's so; +all abominable scamps take to some artistic pursuit as an excuse for +loafing.] His fancies take hold of him very strongly. [They do—they +do; "shee wheels go wound," for instance.] He has not Budgie's sublime +earnestness, but he doesn't need it; the irresistible force with which +he is drawn toward whatever is beautiful compensates for the lack. +[Ah—perhaps that explains his operation with my trunk.] But I want +your OWN opinion, for I know you make more careful distinction in +character than I do. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"Delighting myself with the idea that I deserve most of the credit for +the lots of reading you will have done by this time, and hoping I shall +soon have a line telling me how my darlings are, I am as ever, +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"Your loving sister, +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"HELEN." +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +Seldom have I been so roused by a letter as I was by this one, and +never did I promise myself more genuine pleasure in writing a reply. I +determined that it should be a masterpiece of analysis and of calm yet +forcible expression of opinion. +</P> + +<P> +Upon one step, at any rate, I was positively determined. Calling the +girl, I asked her where the key was that locked the door between my +room and the children. +</P> + +<P> +"Please, sir, Toddie threw it down the well." +</P> + +<P> +"Is there a locksmith in the village?" +</P> + +<P> +"No, sir; the nearest one is at Paterson." +</P> + +<P> +"Is there a screwdriver in the house?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, sir." +</P> + +<P> +"Bring it to me, and tell the coachman to get ready at once to drive me +to Paterson." +</P> + +<P> +The screwdriver was brought, and with it I removed the lock, got into +the carriage, and told the driver to take me to Paterson by the +hill-road—one of the most beautiful roads in America. +</P> + +<P> +"Paterson!" exclaimed Budge. "Oh, there's a candy-store in that town, +come on, Toddie." +</P> + +<P> +"Will you?" thought I, snatching the whip and giving the horses a cut. +"Not if <I>I</I> can help it. The idea of having such a drive spoiled by the +clatter of SUCH a couple!" +</P> + +<P> +Away went the horses, and up rose a piercing shriek and a terrible +roar. It seemed that both children must have been mortally hurt, and I +looked out hastily, only to see Budge and Toddie running after the +carriage, and crying pitifully. It was too pitiful,—I could not have +proceeded without them, even if they had been afflicted with small-pox. +The driver stopped of his own accord,—he seemed to know the children's +ways and their results,—and I helped Budge and Toddie in, meekly +hoping that the eye of Providence was upon me, and that so +self-sacrificing an act would be duly passed to my credit. As we +reached the hill-road, my kindness to my nephews seemed to assume, +greater proportions, for the view before me was inexpressibly +beautiful. The air was perfectly clear, and across two score towns I +saw the great metropolis itself, the silent city of Greenwood beyond +it, the bay, the narrows, the sound, the two silvery rivers lying +between me and the Palisades, and even, across and to the south of +Brooklyn, the ocean itself. Wonderful effects of light and shadow, +picturesque masses, composed of detached buildings so far distant that +they seemed huddled together; grim factories turned to beautiful +palaces by the dazzling reflection of sunlight from their window-panes; +great ships seeming in the distance to be toy-boats floating +idly;—with no sign of life perceptible, the whole scene recalled the +fairy stories, read in my youthful days, of enchanted cities, and the +illusion was greatly strengthened by the dragon-like shape of the roof +of New York's new post-office, lying in the center of everything, and +seeming to brood over all. +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Harry!" +</P> + +<P> +Ah, that was what I expected! +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Harry!" +</P> + +<P> +"Well, Budge?" +</P> + +<P> +"I always think that looks like heaven." +</P> + +<P> +"What does?" +</P> + +<P> +"Why, all that,—from here over to that other sky way back there behind +everything, I mean. And I think THAT (here he pointed toward what +probably was a photographer's roof-light)—that place where it's so +shiny, is where God stays." +</P> + +<P> +Bless the child! The scene had suggested only elfindom to ME, and yet I +prided myself on my quick sense of artistic effects. +</P> + +<P> +"An' over there where that awful bright LITTLE speck is," continued +Budge, "that's where dear little brother Phillie is; whenever I look +over there, I see him putting his hand out." +</P> + +<P> +"Dee 'ittle Phillie went to s'eep in a box and the Lord took him to +heaven," murmured Toddie, putting together all he had seen and heard of +death. Then he raised his voice, and exclaimed:— +</P> + +<P> +"Ocken Hawwy, you know what Iz'he goin' do when I be's big man? Iz'he +goin' to have hosses and tarridge, an' Iz'he goin' to wide over all ze +chees an' all ze houses, an' all ze world an' evvyfing. An' whole lots +of little birdies is comin' in my tarridge an' sing songs to me, an' +you can come too if you want to, an' we'll have ICE-cream an' +'trawberries, an' see 'ittle fishes swimmin' down in ze water, an' +we'll get a g'eat big house that's all p'itty on the outshide an' all +p'itty on the inshide, and it'll all be ours and we'll do just evvyfing +we want to." +</P> + +<P> +"Toddy, you're an idealist." +</P> + +<P> +"AIN'T a 'dealisht." +</P> + +<P> +"Toddy's a goosey-gander," remarked Budge, with great gravity. "Uncle +Harry, do you think heaven's as nice as that place over there?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, Budge, a great deal nicer." +</P> + +<P> +"Then why don't we die an' go there? I don't want to go on livin' +forever an' ever. I don't see why we don't die right away; I think +we've lived enough of days." +</P> + +<P> +"The Lord wants us to live until we get good and strong and smart, and +do a great deal of good before we die, old fellow—that's why we don't +die right away." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, I want to see dear little Phillie, an' if the Lord won't let him +come down here, I think he might let me die an' go to heaven. Little +Phillie always laughed when I jumped for him. Uncle Harry, angels has +wings, don't they?" +</P> + +<P> +"Some people think they have, old boy." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, I know they DON'T, cos if Phillie had wings, I know he'd fly +right down here an' see me. So they don't." +</P> + +<P> +"But maybe he has to go somewhere else, Budge, or maybe he comes and +you can't see him. We can't see angels with OUR eyes, you know." +</P> + +<P> +"Then what made the Hebrew children in the fiery furnace see one? Their +eyes was just like ours, wasn't they? I don't care; I want to see dear +little Phillie AWFUL much. Uncle Harry, if I went to heaven, do you +know what I'd do?" +</P> + +<P> +"What WOULD you do, Budge?" +</P> + +<P> +"Why, after I saw little Phillie, I'd go right up to the Lord an' give +him a great big hug." +</P> + +<P> +"What for, Budge?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, cos he lets us have nice times, an' gave me my mama an' papa, an' +Phillie—but he took him away again—an' Toddie, but Toddie's a +dreadful bad boy sometimes, though." +</P> + +<P> +"Very true, Budge," said I, remembering my trunk and the object of my +ride. +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Harry, did you ever see the Lord?" +</P> + +<P> +"No, Budge; he has been very close to me a good many times, but I never +saw him." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, <I>I</I> have; I see him every time I look up in the sky, and there +ain't nobody 'with me." +</P> + +<P> +The driver crossed himself and whispered, "He's foriver a-sayin' that, +an' be the powers, I belave him. Sometimes ye'd think that the howly +saints thimselves was a-sphak-in' whin that bye gits to goin' on that +way." It WAS wonderful. Budge's countenance seemed too pure to be of +the earth as he continued to express his ideas of the better land and +its denizens. As for Toddie, his tongue was going incessantly, although +in a tone scarcely audible; but when I chanced to catch his +expressions, they were so droll and fanciful, that I took him upon my +lap that I might hear him more distinctly. I even detected myself in +the act of examining the mental draft of my proposed letter to Helen, +and of being ashamed of it. But neither Toddie's fancy nor Budge's +spirituality caused me to forget the principal object of my ride. I +found a locksmith and left the lock to be fitted with a key; then we +drove to the Falls. Both boys discharged volleys of questions as we +stood by the gorge, and the fact that the roar of the falling water +prevented me from hearing them did not cause them to relax their +efforts in the least. I walked to the hotel for a cigar, taking the +children with me. I certainly spent no more than three minutes in +selecting and lighting a cigar, and asking the barkeeper a few +questions about the Falls; but when I turned, the children were +missing, nor could I see them in any direction. Suddenly before my eyes +arose from the nearer brink of the gorge two yellowish disks, which I +recognized as the hats of my nephews; then I saw between the disks and +me two small figures lying upon the ground. I was afraid to shout, for +fear of scaring them, if they happened to hear me, I bounded across the +grass, industriously raving and praying by turns. They were lying on +their stomachs and looking over the edge of the cliff. I approached +them on tip-toe, threw myself upon the ground, and grasped a foot of +each child. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Uncle Harry!" screamed Budge in my ear, as I dragged him close to +me, kissing and shaking him alternately, "I hunged over more than +Toddie did." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, I—I—I—I—I—I—I hunged over a good deal, ANY how," said +Toddie, in self-defense. +</P> + +<P> +That afternoon I devoted to making a bouquet for Miss Mayton, and a +most delightful occupation I found it. It was no florist's bouquet, +composed of only a few kinds of flowers, wired upon sticks, and +arranged according to geometric pattern. I used many a rare flower, too +shy of bloom to recommend itself to florists; I combined tints almost +as numerous as the flowers were, and perfumes to which city bouquets +are utter strangers. Arranging flowers is a favorite pastime of mine, +but upon this particular occasion I enjoyed my work more than I had +ever done before. Not that I was in love with Miss Mayton; a man may +honestly and strongly admire a handsome, brilliant woman without being +in love with her; he can delight himself in trying to give her +pleasure, without feeling it necessary that she shall give him herself +in return. Since I arrived at years of discretion, I have always smiled +sarcastically at the mention of the generosity of men who were in love; +they have seemed to me rather to be asking an immense price for what +they offered. I had no such feeling toward Miss Mayton. There have been +heathens who have offered gifts to goddesses out of pure adoration and +without any idea of ever having the exclusive companionship of their +favorite divinities. I never offered Miss Mayton any attention which +did not put me into closer sympathy with these same great-souled old +Pagans, and with such Christians as follow their good example. With +each new grace my bouquet took on, my pleasure and satisfaction +increased at the thought of how SHE would enjoy the completed evidence +of my taste. +</P> + +<P> +At length it was finished, but my delight suddenly became clouded by +the dreadful thought, "What will folks say?" Had we been in New York +instead of Hillcrest, no one but the florist, his messenger, the lady +and myself would know if I sent a bouquet to Miss Mayton; but in +Hillcrest, with its several hundred native-born gossips and its +acquaintance of everybody with everybody else and their affairs, I +feared talk. Upon the discretion of Mike, the coachman, I could safely +rely; I had already confidentially conveyed sundry bits of fractional +currency to him, and informed him of one of the parties at our store +whose family Mike had known in Old Erin; but every one knew where Mike +was employed; every one knew—mysterious, unseen and swift are the ways +of communication in the country!—that I was the only gentleman at +present residing at Colonel Lawrence's. Ah!—I had it. I had seen in +one of the library-drawers a small pasteboard box, shaped like a +band-box—doubtless THAT would hold it. I found the box—it was of just +the size I needed. I dropped my card into the bottom,—no danger of a +lady not finding the card accompanying a gift of flowers,—neatly +fitted the bouquet in the center of the box, and went in search of +Mike. He winked cheeringly as I explained the nature of his errand, and +he whispered:— +</P> + +<P> +"I'll do it as clane as a whistle, yer honor. Mistress Clarkson's cook +an' mesilf understhand each other, an' I'm used to goin' up the back +way. Dhivil a man can see but the angels, an' they won't tell." +</P> + +<P> +"Very well, Mike; here's a dollar for you; you'll find the box on the +hat-rack in the hall." +</P> + +<P> +Half an hour later, while I sat in my chamber window, reading, I beheld +Mike, cleanly shaved, dressed and brushed, swinging up the road, with +my box balanced on one of his enormous hands. With a head full of +pleasing fancies, I went down to supper. My new friends were unusually +good. Their ride seemed to have toned down their boisterousness and +elevated their little souls; their appetites exhibited no diminution of +force, but they talked but little, and all that they said was smart, +funny, or startling—so much so that when, after supper, they invited +me to put them to bed, I gladly accepted the invitation. Toddie +disappeared somewhere, and came back very disconsolate. +</P> + +<P> +"Can't find my dolly's k'adle," he whined. +</P> + +<P> +"Never mind, old pet," said I, soothingly. "Uncle will ride you on his +foot." +</P> + +<P> +"But I WANT my dolly's k'adle," said he, piteously rolling out his +lower lip. +</P> + +<P> +I remembered my experience when Toddie wanted to "shee wheels go +wound," and I trembled. +</P> + +<P> +"Toddie," said I, in a tone so persuasive that it would be worth +thousands a year to me, as a salesman, if I could only command it at +will; "Toddie, don't you want to ride on uncle's back?" +</P> + +<P> +"No: want my dolly's k'adle." +</P> + +<P> +"Don't you want me to tell you a story?" +</P> + +<P> +For a moment Toddie's face indicated a terrible internal conflict +between old Adam and mother Eve, but curiosity finally overpowered +natural depravity, and Toddie murmured:— +</P> + +<P> +"Yesh." +</P> + +<P> +"What shall I tell you about?" +</P> + +<P> +"'Bout Nawndeark." +</P> + +<P> +"About WHAT?" +</P> + +<P> +"He means Noah an' the ark," exclaimed Budge. +</P> + +<P> +"Datsh what <I>I</I> shay—Nawndeark," declared Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"Well," said I, hastily refreshing my memory by picking up the +Bible,—for Helen, like most people, is pretty sure to forget to pack +her Bible when she runs away from home for a few days,—"well, once it +rained forty days and nights, and everybody was drowned from the face +of the earth excepting Noah, a righteous man, who was saved, with all +his family, in an ark which the Lord commanded him to build." +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Harry," said Budge, after contemplating me with open eyes and +mouth for at least two minutes after I had finished, "do you think +that's Noah?" +</P> + +<P> +"Certainly, Budge; here's the whole story in the Bible." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, <I>I</I> don't think it's Noah one single bit," said he, with +increasing emphasis. +</P> + +<P> +"I'm beginning to think we read different Bibles, Budge; but let's hear +YOUR version." +</P> + +<P> +"Huh?" +</P> + +<P> +"Tell ME about Noah, if you know so much about him." +</P> + +<P> +"I will, if you want me to. Once the Lord felt so uncomfortable cos +folks was bad that he was sorry he ever made anybody, or any world or +anything. But Noah wasn't bad—the Lord liked him first-rate, so he +told Noah to build a big ark, and then the Lord would make it rain so +everybody should be drownded but Noah an' his little boys an' girls, +an' doggies an' pussies an' mama-cows an' little-boy-cows an' +little-girl-cows an' hosses an' everything—they'd go in the ark an' +wouldn't get wetted a bit, when it rained. An' Noah took lots of things +to eat in the ark—cookies, an' milk, an' oatmeal, an' strawberries, +an' porgies, an'—oh, yes; an' plum-puddin's an' pumpkin-pies. But Noah +didn't want everybody to get drownded, so he talked to folks an' said, +'It's goin' to rain AWFUL pretty soon; you'd better be good, an' then +the Lord'll let you come into my ark.' An' they jus' said, 'Oh, if it +rains we'll go in the house till it stops;' an' other folks said, 'WE +ain't afraid of rain—we've got an umbrella.' An' some more said, they +wasn't goin' to be afraid of just a rain. But it DID rain though, an' +folks went in their houses, an' the water came in, an' they went +up-stairs, an' the water came up there, an' they got on the tops of the +houses, an' up in big trees, an' up in mountains, an' the water went +after 'em everywhere an' drownded everybody, only just except Noah and +the people in the ark. An' it rained forty days an' nights, an' then it +stopped, an' Noah got out of the ark, an' he and his little boys an' +girls went wherever they wanted to, and everything in the world was all +theirs; there wasn't anybody to tell 'em to go home, nor no +Kindergarten schools to go to, nor no bad boys to fight 'em, nor +nothin'. Now tell us 'nother story." +</P> + +<P> +I determined that I would not again attempt to repeat portions of the +Scripture narrative—my experience in that direction had not been +encouraging. I ventured upon a war story. +</P> + +<P> +"Do you know what the war was?" I asked, by way of reconnoissance. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, yes," said Budge; "papa was there, an' he's got a sword; don't you +see it, hangin' up there?" +</P> + +<P> +Yes, I saw it, and the difference between the terrible field where last +I saw Tom's sword in action, and this quiet room where it now hung, +forced me into a reverie from which I was aroused by Budge remarking:— +</P> + +<P> +"Ain't you goin' to tell us one?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, yes, Budge. One day while the war was going on, there was a whole +lot of soldiers going along a road, and they were as hungry as they +could be; they hadn't had anything to eat that day." +</P> + +<P> +"Why didn't they go into the houses, and the people they was hungry? +That's what <I>I</I> do when I goes along roads." +</P> + +<P> +"Because the people in that country didn't like them; the brothers and +papas and husbands of those people were soldiers, too; but they didn't +like the soldiers I told you about first, and they wanted to kill them." +</P> + +<P> +"I don't think they were a bit nice," said Budge, with considerable +decision. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, the first soldiers wanted to kill THEM, Budge." +</P> + +<P> +"Then they was ALL bad, to want to kill each other." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, no, they weren't; there were a great many real good men on both +sides." +</P> + +<P> +Poor Budge looked sadly puzzled, as he had an excellent right to do, +since the wisest and best men are sorely perplexed by the nature of +warlike feeling. +</P> + +<P> +"Both parties of soldiers were on horseback," I continued, "and they +were near each other, and when they saw each other they made their +horses run fast, and the bugles blew, and the soldiers all took their +swords out to kill each other with, when just then a little boy, who +had been out in the woods to pick berries for his mama, tried to run +across the road, and caught his toe some way, and fell down, and cried. +Then somebody hallooed 'Halt!' very loud, and all the horses on one +side stopped, and then somebody else hallooed 'Halt!' and a lot of +bugles blew, and every horse on the other; side stopped, and one +soldier jumped off his horse, and picked up the little boy—he was only +about as big as you, Budge—and tried to comfort him; and then a +soldier from the other side came up to look at him, and then more +soldiers came from both sides to look at him; and when he got better +and walked home, the soldiers all rode away, because they didn't feel +like fighting just then." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Uncle Harry! I think it was an AWFUL good soldier that got off his +horse to take care of that poor little boy." +</P> + +<P> +"Do you, Budge? Who do you think it was?" +</P> + +<P> +"I dunno." +</P> + +<P> +"It was your papa." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh—h—h—h—h!" If Tom could have but seen the expression upon his +boy's face as he prolonged this exclamation, his loss of one of the +grandest chances a cavalry officer ever had would not have seemed so +great to him as it had done for years. He seemed to take in the story +in all its bearings, and his great eyes grew in depth as they took on +the far-away look which seemed too earnest for the strength of an +earthly being to support. +</P> + +<P> +But Toddie,—he who a fond mama thought endowed with art sense,—Toddie +had throughout my recital the air of a man who was musing on some +affair of his own, and Budge's exclamation had hardly died away, when +Toddie commenced to wave aloud an extravaganza wholly his own. +</P> + +<P> +"When <I>I</I> was a soldier," he remarked, very gravely, "I had a coat an' +a hat on, an' a muff an' a little knake [Footnote: Snake: tippet.] +wound my neck to keep me warm, an' it wained, an' hailed, an' 'tormed, +an' I felt bad, so I whallowed a sword an' burned me all down dead." +</P> + +<P> +"And how did you get here?" I asked, with interest proportioned to the +importance of Toddie's last clause. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, I got up from the burn-down dead, an' COMED right here. An' I want +my dolly's k'adle." +</P> + +<P> +Oh persistent little dragon! If you were of age, what a fortune you +might make in business! +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Harry, I wish my papa would come home right away," said Budge. +</P> + +<P> +"Why, Budge?" +</P> + +<P> +"I want to love him for bein' so good to that poor little boy in the +war." +</P> + +<P> +"Ocken Hawwy, I wants my dolly's k'adle, tause my dolly's in it, an' I +want to shee her;" thus spake Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"Don't you think the Lord loved my papa awful much for doin' that sweet +thing, Uncle Harry?" asked Budge. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, old fellow, I feel sure that he did." +</P> + +<P> +"Lord lovesh my papa vewy much, so I love ze Lord vewy much," remarked +Toddie. "An' I wants my dolly's k'adle an' my dolly." +</P> + +<P> +"Toddie, I don't know where either of them are—I can't find them +now—DO wait until morning, then Uncle Harry will look for them." +</P> + +<P> +"I don't see how the Lord can get along in heaven without my papa, +Uncle Harry," said Budge. +</P> + +<P> +"Lord takesh papa to heaven, an' Budgie an' me, an' we'll go walkin' +an' see ze Lord, an' play wif ze angels' wings, an' hazh good timsh, +an' never have to go to bed at all, at all." +</P> + +<P> +Pure hearted little innocents! compared with older people whom we +endure, how great thy faith and how few thy faults! How superior thy +love— +</P> + +<P> +A knock at the door interrupted me. "Come in!" I shouted. +</P> + +<P> +In stepped Mike, with an air of the greatest secrecy, handed me a +letter and the identical box in which I had sent the flowers to Miss +Mayton. What COULD it mean? I hastily opened the envelope, and at the +same time Toddie shrieked:— +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, darsh my dolly's k'adle—dare 'tish!" snatched and opened the box, +and displayed—his doll! My heart sickened, and did NOT regain its +strength during the perusal of the following note:— +</P> + +<P> +"Miss Mayton herewith returns to Mr. Burton the package which just +arrived, with his card. She recognizes the contents as a portion of the +apparent property of one of Burton's nephews, but is unable to +understand why it should have been sent to her. "June 20, 1875." +</P> + +<P> +"Toddie," I roared, as my younger nephew caressed his loathsome doll, +and murmured endearing words to it, "where did you get that box?" +</P> + +<P> +"On the hat-wack," replied the youth, with perfect fearlessness; "I +keeps it in ze book-case djawer, an' somebody took it 'way an' put +nasty ole flowers in it." +</P> + +<P> +"Where are those flowers?" I demanded. +</P> + +<P> +Toddie looked up with considerable surprise but promptly replied:— +</P> + +<P> +"I froed 'em away—don't want no ole flowers in my dolly's k'adle. +That's ze way she wocks—see!" And this horrible little destroyer of +human hopes rolled that box back and forth with the most utter +unconcern, as he spoke endearing words to the substitute for my +beautiful bouquet! +</P> + +<P> +To say that I looked at Toddie reprovingly is to express my feelings in +the most inadequate language, but of language in which to express my +feelings to Toddie. I could find absolutely none. Within two or three +short moments I had discovered how very anxious I really was to merit +Miss Mayton's regard, and how very different was the regard I wanted +from that which I had previously hoped might be accorded me. It seemed +too ridiculous to be true that I, who had for years had dozens of +charming lady acquaintances, and yet had always maintained my common +sense and self-control; I, who had always considered it unmanly for a +man to specially interest himself in ANY lady until he had an income of +five thousand a year; I who had skilfully, and many times, argued, that +life-attachments, or attempts thereat, which were made without a +careful preliminary study of the mental characteristics of the partner +desired, was the most unpardonable folly,—I had transgressed every one +of my own rules, and, as if to mock me for any pretended wisdom and +care, my weakness was made known to me by a three-year-old marplot and +a hideous rag-doll! +</P> + +<P> +That merciful and ennobling dispensation by which Providence enables us +to temper the severity of our own sufferings by alleviating those of +others, came soon to my rescue. Under my stern glance Toddie gradually +lost interest in his doll and its cradle, and began to thrust forth and +outward his piteous lower lip and to weep copiously. +</P> + +<P> +"Dee Lord, not make me sho bad," he cried through his tears. I doubt +his having had any very clear idea of what he was saying, or whom he +was addressing; but had the publican of whose prayer Toddie made so +fair a paraphrase worn such a face when he offered his famous petition, +it could not have been denied for a moment. Toddie even retired to a +corner and hid his face in self-imposed penance. +</P> + +<P> +"Never mind, Toddie," said I, sadly; "you didn't mean to do it, I know." +</P> + +<P> +"I wantsh to love you," sobbed Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, come here, you poor little fellow," said I, opening my arms, and +wondering whether 'twas not after contemplation of some such sinner +that good Bishop Tegner wrote:— +</P> + +<P> +"Depths of love are atonement's depths, for love is atonement" +</P> + +<P> +Toddie came to my arms, shed tears freely upon my shirt-front, and +finally, after heaving a very long sigh, remarked:— +</P> + +<P> +"Wantsh YOU to love ME" +</P> + +<P> +I complied with his request. Theoretically, I had long believed that +the higher wisdom of the Creator was most frequently expressed through +the medium of his most innocent creations. Surely here was a +confirmation of my theory, for who else had ever practically taught me +the duty of the injured one toward his offender? I kissed Toddie and +petted him, and at length succeeded in quieting him; his little face, +in spite of much dirt and many tear-stains, was upturned with more of +beauty in it than it ever held when its owner was full of joy; he +looked earnestly, confidingly, into my eyes, and I congratulated myself +upon the perfection of my forgiving spirit, when Toddie suddenly +re-exhibited to me my old unregenerate nature, and the incompleteness +of my forgiveness, by saying:— +</P> + +<P> +"Kish my dolly, too." +</P> + +<P> +I obeyed. My forgiveness was made complete, but so was my humiliation. +I abruptly closed our interview. We exchanged "God bless you's," +according to Budge's instructions of the previous night, and at least +one of the participants in this devotional exercise hoped the petitions +made by the other were distinctly heard. Then I dropped into an +easy-chair in the library, and fell to thinking. I found myself really +and seriously troubled by the results of Toddie's operation with my +bouquet. I might explain the matter to Miss Mayton—I undoubtedly +could, for she was too sensible a woman to be easily offended merely by +a ridiculous mistake, caused by a child. But she would laugh at ME—how +could she help it?—and to be laughed at by Miss Mayton was a something +the mere thought of which tormented me in a manner that made me fairly +ashamed of myself. Like every other young man among young men, I had +been the butt of many a rough joke, and had borne them without wincing; +it seemed cowardly and contemptible that I should be so sensitive under +the mere thought of laughter which would probably be heard by no one +but Miss Mayton herself. But the laughter of a mere acquaintance is +likely to lessen respect for the person laughed at. Heavens! the +thought was unendurable! At any rate, I must write an early apology. +When I was correspondent for the house with which I am now salesman I +reclaimed many an old customer who had wandered off—certainly I might +hope by a well-written letter to regain in Miss Mayton's respect +whatever position I had lost. I hastily drafted a letter, corrected it +carefully, copied it in due form, and forwarded it by the faithful +Michael. Then I tried to read, but without the least success. For hours +I paced the piazza and consumed cigars; when at last I retired it was +with many ideas, hopes, fears, and fancies which had never before been +mine. True to my trust, I looked into my nephews' room; there lay the +boys, in postures more graceful than any which brush or chisel have +ever reproduced. Toddie, in particular, wore so lovely an expression +that I could not refrain from kissing him. But I was none the less +careful to make use of my new key, and to lock my other door also. +</P> + +<P> +The next day was the Sabbath. Believing fully in the binding force and +worldly wisdom of the Fourth Commandment, so far as it refers to rest, +I have conscientiously trained myself to sleep two hours later on the +morning of the holy day than I ever allowed myself to do on business +days. But having inherited, besides a New England conscience, a New +England abhorrence of waste, I regularly sit up two hours later on +Saturday nights than on any others; and the night preceding this +particular Sabbath was no exception to the rule, as the reader may +imagine from the foregoing recital. At about 5.30 A. M., however, I +became conscious that my nephews were not in accord, with me on the +Sinaitic law. They were not only awake, but were disputing vigorously, +and, seemingly, very loudly, for I heard their words very distinctly. +With sleepy condescension I endeavored to ignore these noisy +irreverents, but I was suddenly moved to a belief in the doctrine of +vicarious atonement, for a flying body, with more momentum than weight, +struck me upon the not prominent bridge of my nose, and speedily and +with unnecessary force accommodated itself to the outline of my eyes. +After a moment spent in anguish, and in wondering how the missive came +through closed doors and windows, I discovered that my pain had been +caused by one of the dolls, which, from its extreme uncleanness, I +suspected belonged to Toddie; I also discovered that the door between +the rooms was open. +</P> + +<P> +"Who threw that doll?" I shouted, sternly. There came no response. +</P> + +<P> +"Do you hear?" I roared. +</P> + +<P> +"What is it, Uncle Harry?" asked Budge, with most exquisitely polite +inflection. +</P> + +<P> +"Who threw that doll?" +</P> + +<P> +"Huh?" +</P> + +<P> +"I say, who threw that doll?" +</P> + +<P> +"Why, nobody did it." +</P> + +<P> +"Toddie, who threw that doll?" +</P> + +<P> +"Budge did," replied Toddie in muffled tones, suggestive of a brotherly +hand laid forcibly over a pair of small lips. +</P> + +<P> +"Budge, what did you do it for?" +</P> + +<P> +"Why—why—I—because—why, you see—because, why, Toddie froo his +dolly in my mouth; some of her hair went in, any how, an' I didn't want +his dolly in my mouth, so I sent it back to him, an' the foot of the +bed didn't stick up enough, so it went from the door to your +bed—that's what for." +</P> + +<P> +The explanation seemed to bear marks of genuineness, albiet the pain of +my eye was not alleviated thereby, while the exertion expended in +eliciting the information had so thoroughly awakened me that further +sleep was out of the question. Besides, the open door,—had a burglar +been in the room? No; my watch and pocketbook were undisturbed. "Budge, +who opened that door?" +</P> + +<P> +After some hesitation, as if wondering who really did it, Budge +replied:— +</P> + +<P> +"Me." +</P> + +<P> +"How did you do it?" +</P> + +<P> +"Why, you see we wanted a drink, an' the door was fast, so we got out +the window on the parazzo roof, an' comed in your window." (Here a +slight pause.) "An' 'twas fun. An' then we unlocked the door, an' comed +back." +</P> + +<P> +Then I should be compelled to lock my window-blinds—or theirs, and +this in the summer season, too! Oh, if Helen could have but passed the +house as that white-robed procession had filed along the piazza-roof! I +lay pondering over the vast amount of unused ingenuity that was locked +up in millions of children, or employed only to work misery among +unsuspecting adults, when I heard light footfalls at my bedside, and +saw a small shape with a grave face approach and remark:— +</P> + +<P> +"I wants to come in your bed." +</P> + +<P> +"What for, Toddie?" +</P> + +<P> +"To fwolic; papa always fwolics us Sunday mornin's. Tum, Budgie, Ocken +Hawwy's doin' to fwolic us." +</P> + +<P> +Budge replied by shrieking with delight, tumbling out of bed, and +hurrying to that side of my bed not already occupied by Toddie. Then +those two little savages sounded the onslaught and advanced +precipitately upon me. Sometimes, during the course of my life, I have +had day-dreams which I have told to no one. Among these has been +one—not now so distinct as it was before my four years of +campaigning—of one day meeting in deadly combat the painted Indian of +the plains; of listening undismayed to his frightful war-whoop, and of +exemplifying in my own person the inevitable result of the pale-face's +superior intelligence. But upon this particular Sunday morning I +relinquished this idea informally, but forever. Before the advance of +these diminutive warriors I quailed contemptibly, and their battle-cry +sent more terror to my soul than that member ever experienced from the +well-remembered rebel yell. According to Toddie, I was going to +"fwolic" THEM; but from the first they took the whole business into +their own little but effective hands. Toddie pronounced my knees, +collectively a-horsie "bonnie," and bestrode them, laughing gleefully +at my efforts to unseat him, and holding himself in position by digging +his pudgy fingers into whatever portions of my anatomy he could most +easily seize. Budge shouted, "I want a horsie, too!" and seated himself +upon my chest. "This is the way the horsie goes," explained he, as he +slowly rocked himself backward and forward. I began to realize how my +brother-in-law, who had once been a fine gymnast, had become so +flat-chested. Just then Budge's face assumed a more spirited +expression, his eyes opened wide and lightened up, and, shouting, "This +the way the horsie TROTS," he stood upright, threw up his feet, and +dropped his forty-three avoirdupois pounds forcibly upon my lungs. He +repeated this operation several times before I fully recovered from the +shock conveyed by his combined impudence and weight; but pain finally +brought my senses back, and with a wild plunge I unseated my demoniac +riders and gained a clear space in the middle of the floor. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah—h—h—h—h—h—h," screamed Toddie, "I wants to wide horshie +backen." +</P> + +<P> +"Boo—oo—oo—oo—," roared Budge, "I think you're real mean. I don't +love you at all." +</P> + +<P> +Regardless alike of Toddie's desires, of Budge's opinion, and the +cessation of his regard, I performed a hasty toilet. Notnwithstanding +my lost rest, savagely thanked the Lord for Sunday; at church, at +least, I could be free from my tormentors. At the breakfast-table both +boys invited themselves to accompany me to the sanctuary, but I +declined without thanks. To take them might be to assist somewhat in +teaching them one of the best of habits, but I strongly doubted whether +the severest Providence would consider it my duty to endure the +probable consequences of such an attempt. Besides I MIGHT meet Miss +Mayton. I both hoped and feared I might, and I could not, endure the +thought of appearing before her with the causes of my pleasant +REMEMBRANCE. Budge protested and Toddie wept, but I remained firm, +although I was so willing to gratify their reasonable desires that I +took them out for a long ante-service walk. While enjoying this little +trip I delighted the children by killing a snake and spoiling a slender +cane at the same time, my own sole consolation coming from the +discovery that the remains of the staff were sufficient to make a cane +for Budge. While returning to the house and preparing for church I +entered into a solemn agreement with Budge, who was usually recognized +as the head of this fraternal partnership. Budge contracted, for +himself and brother, to make no attempts to enter my room; to refrain +from fighting; to raise loose dirt only with a shovel, and to convey it +to its destination by means other than their own hats and aprons; to +pick no flowers; to open no water-faucets; to refer all disagreements +to the cook, as arbitrator, and to build no houses of the new books +which I had stacked upon the library table. In consideration of the +promised faithful observance of these conditions I agreed that Budge +should be allowed to come alone to Sabbath school, which convened +directly after morning service, he to start only after Maggie had +pronounced him duly cleansed and clothed. As Toddie was daily kept in +bed from eleven to one, I felt that I might safely worship without +distracting fears, for Budge could not alone, and in a single hour, +become guilty of any particular sin. The church at Hillcrest had many +more seats than members, and as but few summer visitors had yet +appeared in the town, I was conscious of being industriously stared at +by the native members of the congregation. This was of itself +discomfort enough, but not all to which I was destined, for the usher +conducted me quite near to the altar, and showed me into a pew whose +only other occupant was Miss Mayton! Of course the lady did not +recognize me—she was too carefully bred to do anything of the sort in +church, and I spent ten uncomfortable minutes in mentally abusing the +customs of good society. The beginning of the service partially ended +my uneasiness, for I had no hymn-book,—the pew contained none,—so +Miss Mayton kindly offered me a share in her own. And yet so +faultlessly perfect and stranger-like was her manner that I wondered +whether her action might not have been prompted merely by a sense of +Christian duty; had I been the Khan of Tartary she could not have been +more polite and frigid. The music to the first hymn was an air I had +never heard before, so I stumbled miserably through the tenor, although +Miss Mayton rendered the soprano without a single false note. The +sermon was longer than I was in the habit of listening to, and I was +frequently conscious of not listening at all. As for my position and +appearance, neither ever seemed so insignificant as they did throughout +the entire service. +</P> + +<P> +The minister reached "And finally, dear brethren," with my earnest +prayers for a successful and speedy finale. It seemed to me that the +congregation sympathized with me, for there was a general rustle behind +me as these words were spoken. It soon became evident, however, that +the hearers were moved by some other feeling, for I heard a profound +titter or two behind me. Even Miss Mayton turned her head with more +alacrity than was consistent with that grace which usually +characterized her motions, and the minister himself made a pause of +unusual length. I turned in my seat, and saw my nephew Budge, dressed +in his best, his head irreverently covered, and his new cane swinging +in the most stylish manner. He paused at each pew, carefully surveyed +its occupants, seemed to fail in finding the object of his search, but +continued his efforts in spite of my endeavors to catch his eye. +Finally, he recognized a family acquaintance, and to him he unburdened +his bosom by remarking, in tones easily heard throughout the church:— +</P> + +<P> +"I want to find my uncle." +</P> + +<P> +Just then he caught my eye, smiled rapturously, hurried to me and laid +his rascally soft cheek confidingly against mine, while an audible +sensation pervaded the church. What to do or say to him I scarcely +knew; but my quandary was turned to wonder, as Miss Mayton, her face +full of ill-repressed mirth, but her eyes full of tenderness, drew the +little scamp close to her, and Mssed him soundly. At the same instant, +the minister, not without some little hesitation, said, "Let us pray." +I hastily bowed my head, glad of a chance to hide my face; but as I +stole a glance at the cause of this irreligious disturbance, I caught +Miss Mayton's eye. She was laughing so violently that the contagion was +unavoidable, and I laughed all the harder as I felt that one +mischievous boy had undone the mischief caused by another. +</P> + +<P> +After the benediction, Budge was the recipient of a great deal of +attention, during the confusion of which I embraced the opportunity to +say to Miss Mayton:— +</P> + +<P> +"Do you still sustain my sister in her opinion of my nephews, Miss +Mayton?" +</P> + +<P> +"I think they're too funny for anything," replied the lady, with great +enthusiasm. "I DO wish you would bring them to call upon me. I'm +longing to see an ORIGINAL young gentleman." +</P> + +<P> +"Thank you," said I. "And I'll have Toddie bring a bouquet by way of +atonement." +</P> + +<P> +"Do," she replied, as I allowed her to pass from the pew. The word was +an insignificant one, but it made me happy once more. +</P> + +<P> +"You see, Uncle Harry," exclaimed Budge, as we left the church +together, "the Sunday-school wasn't open yet, an' I wanted to hear if +they'd sing again in church; so I came in, an' you wasn't in papa's +seat, an' I knew you was SOMEwhere, so I LOOKED for you." +</P> + +<P> +"Bless you," thought I, snatching him into my arms as if to hurry him +into Sabbath school, but really to give him a kiss of grateful +affection, "you did right—EXACTLY right." +</P> + +<P> +My Sunday dinner was unexceptional in point of quantity and quality, +and a bottle of my brother-in-law's claret proved to be most excellent; +yet a certain uneasiness of mind prevented my enjoying the meal as +thoroughly as under other circumstances I might have done. My +uneasiness came of a mingled sense of responsibility and ignorance. I +felt that it was the proper thing for me to see that my nephews spent +the day with some sense of the requirements and duties of the Sabbath; +but how I was to bring it about, I hardly knew. The boys, were too +small to have Bible-lessons administered to them, and they were too +lively to be kept quiet by any ordinary means. After a great deal of +thought, I determined to consult the children themselves, and try to +learn what their parents' custom had been. +</P> + +<P> +"Budge," said I, "what do you do Sundays when your papa and mama are +home? What do they read to you,—what do they talk about?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, they swing us—lots!" said Budge, with brightening eyes. +</P> + +<P> +"An' zey takes us to get jacks," observed Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, yes!" exclaimed Budge; "jacks-in-the-pulpit—don't you know?" +</P> + +<P> +"Hum—ye—es; I do remember some such thing in my youthful days. They +grow where there's plenty of mud, don't they?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, an' there's a brook there, an' ferns, an' birch-bark, an' if you +don't look out you'll tumble into the brook when you go to get birch." +</P> + +<P> +"An' we goes to Hawksnest Rock," piped Toddie, "an' papa carries us up +on his back when we gets tired." +</P> + +<P> +"An' he makes us whistles," said Budge. +</P> + +<P> +"Budge," said I, rather hastily, "enough. In the language of the poet +</P> + +<P> + "'These earthly pleasures I resign,'<BR> +</P> + +<P> +and I'm rather astonished that your papa hasn't taught you to do +likewise. Don't he ever read to you?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, yes," cried Budge, clapping his hands, as a happy thought struck +him. "He gets down the Bible—the great BIG Bible, you know—an' we all +lay on the floor, an' he reads us stories out of it. There's David, an' +Noah, an' when Christ was a little boy, an' Joseph, an' +turnbackPharo'sarmyhallelujah—" +</P> + +<P> +"And what?" +</P> + +<P> +"TurnbackPharo'sarmyhallelujah," repeated Budge. "Don't you know how +Moses held out his cane over the Red Sea, an' the water went way up one +side, an' way up the other side, and all the Isrulites went across? +It's just the same thing as DROWNoldPharo'sarmyhallelujah—don't you +know?" +</P> + +<P> +"Budge," said I, "I suspect you of having heard the Jubilee Singers." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, and papa and mama sings us all those Jubilee songs—there's 'Swing +Low,' an' 'Roll Jordan,' an' 'Steal Away,' an' 'My Way's Cloudy,' an' +'Get on Board, Childuns,' an' lots. An' you can sing us every one of +'em." +</P> + +<P> +"An' papa takes us in the woods, an' makesh us canes," said Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," said Budge, "and where there's new houses buildin', he takes us +up ladders." +</P> + +<P> +"Has he any way of putting an extension on the afternoon?" I asked. +</P> + +<P> +"I don't know what that is," said Budge, "but he puts an India-rubber +blanket on the grass, and then we all lie down an' make b'lieve we're +soldiers asleep. Only sometimes when we wake up papa stays asleep, an' +mama won't let us wake him. I don't think that's a very nice play." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, I think Bible stories are nicer than anything else, don't you?" +</P> + +<P> +Budge seemed somewhat in doubt. "I think swingin' is nicer," said +he—"oh, no;—let's get some jacks—I'LL tell you what!—make us +whistles an' we can blow on 'em while we're goin' to get the jacks. +Toddie, dear, wouldn't YOU like jacks and whistles?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yesh—an' swingin'—an' birch—an' wantsh to go to Hawksnesh Rock," +answered Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"Let's have Bible stories first," said I. "The Lord mightn't like it if +you didn't learn anything good to-day." +</P> + +<P> +"Well," said Budge, with the regulation religious-matter-of-duty-face, +"let's. I guess I like 'bout Joseph best." +</P> + +<P> +"Tell us 'bout Bliaff," suggested Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, no, Tod," remonstrated Budge; "Joseph's coat was just as bloody as +Goliath's head was." Then Budge turned to me and explained that "all +Tod likes Goliath for is 'cause when his head was cut off it was all +bloody." And then Toddie—the airy sprite whom his mother described as +being irresistibly drawn to whatever was beautiful—Toddie glared upon +me as a butcher's apprentice might stare at a doomed lamb, and +remarked:— +</P> + +<P> +"Bliaff's head was all bluggy, an' David's sword was all bluggy—bluggy +as everyfing." +</P> + +<P> +I hastily breathed a small prayer, opened the Bible, turned to the +story of Joseph, and audibly condensed it as I read:— +</P> + +<P> +"Joseph was a good little boy whose papa loved him very dearly. But his +brothers didn't like him. And they sold him, to go to Egypt. And he was +very smart, and told the people what their dreams meant, and he got to +be a great man. And his brothers went to Egypt to buy corn, and Joseph +sold them some, and then he let them know who he was. And he sent them +home to bring their papa to Egypt, and then they all lived there +together." +</P> + +<P> +"That ain't it," remarked Toddie, with the air of a man who felt +himself to be unjustly treated. "Is it, Budge?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, no," said Budge, "you didn't read it good a bit; I'LL tell you how +it is. Once there was a little boy named Joseph, an' he had eleven +budders—they was AWFUL eleven budders. An' his papa gave him a new +coat, an' his budders hadn't nothin' but their old jackets to wear. An' +one day he was carryin' 'em their dinner, an' they put him in a deep, +dark hole, but they didn't put his nice new coat in—they killed a kid, +an' dipped the coat—just think of doin' that to a nice new coat—they +dipped it in the kid's blood, an' made it all bloody." +</P> + +<P> +"All bluggy," echoed Toddie, with ferocious emphasis. Budge continued:— +</P> + +<P> +"But there were some Ishmalites comin' along that way, and the awful +eleven budders took him out of the deep dark hole, an' sold him to the +Ishmalites, an' they sold him away down in Egypt. An' his poor old papa +cried, an' cried, 'cause he thought a big lion ate Joseph up; but he +wasn't ate up a bit; but there wasn't no post-office nor choo-choos, +[Footnote: railway cars] nor stages in Egypt, an' there wasn't any +telegraphs, so Joseph couldn't let his papa know where he was; an' he +got so smart an' so good that the king of Egypt let him sell all the +corn an' take care of the money; an' one day some men came to buy some +corn, an' Joseph looked at 'em an' there they was his own budders! An' +he scared 'em like everything; I'D have SLAPPED 'em all if I'D been +Joseph, but he just scared 'em, an' then he let 'em know who he was, +an' he kissed 'em an' he didn't whip 'em, or make 'em go without their +breakfast, or stand in a corner, nor none of them things; an' then he +sent 'em back for their papa, an' when he saw his papa comin', he ran +like everything, and gave him a great big hug and a kiss. Joseph was +too big to ask his papa if he'd brought him any candy, but he was awful +glad to see him. An' the king gave Joseph's papa a nice farm, an' they +all had real good times after that." +</P> + +<P> +"And they dipped the coat in the blood; an' made it all bluggy," +reiterated Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Harry," said Budge, "what do you think MY papa would do if he +thought I was all ate up by a lion? I guess he'd cry AWFUL, don't you? +Now tell us another story—oh, I'LL tell you—read us 'bout—" +</P> + +<P> +"'Bout Bliaff," interrupted Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"YOU tell ME about him, Toddie," said I. +</P> + +<P> +"Why," said Toddie, "Bliaff was a brate bid man, an' Dave was brate +little man, an' Bliaff said, 'Come over here'n an' I'll eat you up,' +an' Dave said, '<I>I</I> ain't fyaid of you.' So Dave put five little stones +in a sling an' asked de Lord to help him, an' let ze sling go bang into +bequeen Bliaff's eyes an' knocked him down dead, an' Dave took Bliaff's +sword an' sworded Bliaff's head off, an' made it all bluggy, an' Bliaff +runned away." This short narration was accompanied by more spirited and +unexpected gestures than Mr. Gough ever puts into a long lecture. +</P> + +<P> +"I don't like 'bout Goliath at all," remarked Budge. "I'D like to hear +'bout Ferus." +</P> + +<P> +"Who?" +</P> + +<P> +"Ferus; don't you know?" +</P> + +<P> +"Never heard of him, Budge." +</P> + +<P> +"Why—y—y—!" exclaimed Budge; "didn't you have no papa when you was a +little boy?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, but he never told me about any one named Ferus; there's no such +person named in Anthon's Classical Dictionary, either. What sort of a +man was he?" +</P> + +<P> +"Why, once there was a man, an' his name was Ferus—Offerus, an' he +went about fightin' for kings, but when any king got afraid of anybody, +he wouldn't fight for him no more. An' one day he couldn't find no +kings that wasn't afraid of nobody. An' the people told him the Lord +was the biggest king in the world, an' he wasn't afraid of nobody or +nothing. An' he asked 'em where he could find the Lord, and they said +he was way up in heaven so nobody couldn't see him but the angels, but +he liked folks to WORK for him instead of fight. So Ferus wanted to +know what kind of work he could do, an' the people said there was a +river not far off, where there wasn't no ferry-boats, cos the water run +so fast, an' they guessed if he'd carry folks across, the Lord would +like it. So Ferus went there, and he cut him a good, strong cane, an' +whenever anybody wanted to go across the river he'd carry 'em on his +back. +</P> + +<P> +"One night he was sittin' in his little house by the fire, and smokin' +his pipe an' readin' the paper, an' 'twas rainin' an' blowin' an' +hailin' an' stormin', an' he was so glad there wasn't anybody wantin' +to go 'cross the river, when he heard somebody call out 'Ferus!' An' he +looked out the window, but he couldn't see nobody, so he sat down +again. Then somebody called 'Ferus!' again, and he opened the door +again, an' there was a little bit of a boy, 'bout as big as Toddie. An' +Ferus said, 'Hullo, young fellow, does your mother know you're out?' +An' the little boy said, 'I want to go 'cross the river.'—'Well,' says +Ferus, 'you're a mighty little fellow to be travelin' alone, but hop +up.' So the little boy jumped up on Ferus's back, and Ferus walked into +the water. Oh, my—WASN'T it cold? An' every step he took that little +boy got heavier, so Ferus nearly tumbled down an' they liked to both +got drownded. An' when they got across the river Ferus said, 'Well, you +ARE the heaviest small fry I ever carried,' an' he turned around to +look at him, an' 'twasn't no little boy at all—'twas a big man—'twas +Christ. An' Christ said, 'Ferus, I heard you was tryin' to work for me, +so I thought I'd come down an' see you, an' not let you know who I was. +An' now you shall have a new name; you shall be called CHRISTofferus, +cos that means Christ-carrier.' An' everybody called him Christofferus +after that, an' when he died they called him SAINT Christopher, cos +Saint is what they called good people when they're dead." +</P> + +<P> +Budge himself had the face of a rapt saint as he told this story, but +my contemplation of his countenance was suddenly arrested by Toddie, +who, disapproving of the unexciting nature of his brother's recital, +had strayed into the garden, investigated a hornet's nest, been stung, +and set up a piercing shriek. He ran in to me, and as I hastily picked +him up, he sobbed:— +</P> + +<P> +"Want to be wocked. [Footnote: Rocked.] Want 'Toddie one boy day.'" +</P> + +<P> +I rocked him violently, and petted him tenderly, but again he sobbed:— +</P> + +<P> +"Want 'Toddie one boy day.'" +</P> + +<P> +"What DOES the child mean?" I exclaimed. +</P> + +<P> +"He wants you to sing to him about 'Charley boy one day,'" said Budge. +"He always wants mamma to sing that when he's hurt, an' then he stops +crying." +</P> + +<P> +"I don't know it," said I. "Won't 'Roll, Jordan,' do, Toddie?" +</P> + +<P> +"I'LL tell you how it goes," said Budge, and forthwith the youth sang +the following song, a line at a time, I following him in words and +air:— +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "Where is my little bastik [Footnote: Basket.] gone?"<BR> + Said Charley, one boy day;<BR> + "I guess some little boy or girl<BR> + Has taken it away.<BR> +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "An' kittie, too—where ISH she gone?<BR> + Oh dear, what shall I do?<BR> + I wish I could my bastik find,<BR> + An' little kittie, too.<BR> +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "I'll go to mamma's room an' look;<BR> + Perhaps she may be there;<BR> + For kittie likes to take a nap<BR> + In mamma's easy chair.<BR> +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "O mamma, mamma, come an' look<BR> + See what a little heap!<BR> + Here's kittie in the bastik here,<BR> + All cuddled down to sleep."<BR> +</P> + +<P> +Where the applicability of this poem to my nephew's peculiar trouble +appeared, I could not see, but as I finished it, his sobs gave place to +a sigh of relief. +</P> + +<P> +"Toddie," said I, "do you love your Uncle Harry?" +</P> + +<P> +"Esh, I DO love you." +</P> + +<P> +"Then tell me how that ridiculous song comforts you." +</P> + +<P> +"Makes me feel good, an' all nicey," replied Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"Wouldn't you feel just as good if I sang, 'Plunged in a gulf of dark +despair'?" +</P> + +<P> +"No, don't like dokdishpairs; if a dokdishpair done anyfing to me, I'd +knock it right down dead." +</P> + +<P> +With this extremely lucid remark, our conversation on this particular +subject ended; but I wondered, during a few uneasy moments, whether the +temporary mental aberration which had once afflicted Helen's +grandfather and mine was not reappearing in this, his youngest +descendant. My wondering was cut short by Budge, who remarked, in a +confident tone:— +</P> + +<P> +"Now, Uncle Harry, we'll have the whistles, I guess." +</P> + +<P> +I acted upon the suggestion, and led the way to the woods. I had not +had occasion to seek a hickory sapling before for years; not since the +war, in fact, when I learned how hot a fire small hickory sticks would +make. I had not sought wood for whistles since—gracious, nearly a +quarter of a century ago! The dissimilar associations called up by +these recollections threatened to put me in a frame of mind which might +have resulted in a bad poem, had not my nephews kept up a lively +succession of questions such as no one but children can ask. The +whistles completed, I was marched, with music, to the place where the +"Jacks" grew. It was just such a place as boys instinctively delight +in—low, damp, and boggy, with a brook hiding treacherously away under +overhanging ferns and grasses. The children knew by sight the plant +which bore the "Jacks," and every discovery was announced by a piercing +shriek of delight. At first I looked hurriedly toward the brook as each +yell clove the air; but, as I became accustomed to it, my attention was +diverted by some exquisite ferns. Suddenly, however, a succession of +shrieks announced that something was wrong, and across a large fern I +saw a small face in a great deal of agony. Budge was hurrying to the +relief of his brother, and was soon as deeply imbedded as Toddie was in +the rich black mud, at the bottom of the brook. I dashed to the rescue, +stood astride the brook, and offered a hand to each boy, when a +treacherous tuft of grass gave way, and, with a glorious splash, I went +in myself. This accident turned Toddie's sorrow to laughter, but I +can't say I made light of my misfortune on that account. To fall into +CLEAN water is not pleasant, even when one is trout-fishing; but to be +clad in white pants, and suddenly drop nearly knee-deep in the lap of +mother Earth is quite a different thing. I hastily picked up the +children, and threw them upon the bank, and then wrathfully strode out +myself, and tried to shake myself as I have seen a Newfoundland dog do. +The shake was not a success—it caused my trouser-leg to flap dismally +about my ankles, and sent the streams of loathsome ooze trickling down +into my shoes. My hat, of drab felt, had fallen off by the brookside, +and been plentifully spattered as I got out. I looked at my youngest +nephew with speechless indignation. +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Harry," said Budge, "'twas real good of the Lord to let you be +with us, else Toddie might have been drownded." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," said I, "and I shouldn't have much—" +</P> + +<P> +"Ocken Hawwy," cried Toddie, running impetuously toward me, pulling me +down, and patting my cheek with his muddy black hand, "I LOVES you for +takin' me out de water." +</P> + +<P> +"I accept your apology," said I, "but let's hurry home." There was but +one residence to pass, and that, thank fortune, was so densely screened +by shrubbery that the inmates could not see the road. To be sure, we +were on a favorite driving road, but we could reach home in five +minutes, and we might dodge into the woods if we heard a carriage +coming. Ha! There came a carriage already, and we—was there ever a +sorrier-looking group? There were ladies in the carriage, too—could it +be—of course it was—did the evil spirit, which guided those children +always, send an attendant for Miss Mayton before he began operations? +There she was, anyway—cool, neat, dainty, trying to look collected, +but severely flushed by the attempt. It was of no use to drop my eyes, +for she had already recognized me; so I turned to her a face which I +think must have been just the one—unless more defiant—that I carried +into two or three cavalry charges. +</P> + +<P> +"You seem to have been having a real good time together," said she, +with a conventional smile, as the carriage passed. "Remember, you're +all going to call on me tomorrow afternoon." +</P> + +<P> +Bless the girl! Her heart was as quick as her eyes—almost any other +young lady would have devoted her entire energy to laughing on such an +occasion, but SHE took her earliest opportunity to make me feel at +ease. Such a royal hearted woman deserves to—I caught myself just +here, with my cheeks growing quite hot under the mud Toddie had put on +them, and I led our retreat with a more stylish carriage than my +appearance could possibly have warranted, and then I consigned my +nephews to the maid with very much the air of an officer turning over a +large number of prisoners he had captured. I hastily changed my soiled +clothing for my best—not that I expected to see any one, but because +of a sudden increase in the degree of respect I felt toward myself. +When the children were put to bed, and I had no one but my thoughts for +companions, I spent a delightful hour or two in imagining as possible +some changes of which I had never dared to think before. +</P> + +<P> +On Monday morning I was in the garden at sunrise. Toddie was to carry +his expiatory bouquet to Miss Mayton that day, and I proposed that no +pains should be spared to make his atonement as handsome as possible. I +canvassed carefully every border, bed, and detached flowering plant +until I had as accurate an idea of their possibilities as if I had +inventoried the flowers in pen and ink. This done, I consulted the +servant as to the unsoiled clothing of my nephews. She laid out their +entire wardrobe for my inspection, and after a rigid examination of +everything I selected the suits which the boys were to wear in the +afternoon. Then I told the girl that the boys were going with me after +dinner to call on some ladies, and that I desired that she should wash +and dress them carefully. +</P> + +<P> +"Tell me just what time you'll start, sir, and I'll begin an hour +beforehand," said she. "That's the only way to be sure that they don't +disgrace you." +</P> + +<P> +For breakfast we had, among other things, some stewed oysters served in +soup-plates. +</P> + +<P> +"O Todd," shrieked Budge, "there's the turtle-plates again—oh, AIN'T I +glad!" +</P> + +<P> +"Oo—ee—turtle pyates," squealed Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"What on earth do you mean, boys?" I demanded. +</P> + +<P> +"I'll show you," said Budge, jumping down from his chair and bringing +his plate of oysters cautiously toward me. "Now you just put your head +down underneath my plate, and look up, and you'll see a turtle." +</P> + +<P> +For a moment I forgot that I was not at a restaurant, and I took the +plate, held it up, and examined its bottom. +</P> + +<P> +"There!" said Budge, pointing to the trademark, in colors, of the +makers of the crockery, "don't you see the turtle?" +</P> + +<P> +I abruptly ordered Budge to his seat, unmoved even by Toddie's remark, +that— +</P> + +<P> +"Dey ish turtles, but dey can't knawl awound like udder turtles." +</P> + +<P> +After breakfast I devoted a great deal of fussy attention to myself. +Never did my own wardrobe seem so meager and ill-assorted; never did I +cut myself so many times while shaving; never did I use such +unsatisfactory shoe-polish. I finally gave up in despair my effort to +appear genteel, and devoted myself to the bouquet. I cut almost flowers +enough to dress a church, and then remorselessly excluded every one +which was in the least particular imperfect. In making the bouquet I +enjoyed the benefit of my nephews' assistance and counsel and took +enforced part in conversation which flowers suggested. +</P> + +<P> +"Ocken Hawwy," said Toddie, "ish heaven all like this, wif pretty +f'owers? Cos I don't see what ze angels ever turns out for if 'tis." +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Harry," said Budge, "when the leaves all go up and down and +wriggle around so, are they talking to the wind?" +</P> + +<P> +"I—I guess so, old fellow." +</P> + +<P> +"Who are you making that bouquet for, Uncle Harry?" asked Budge. +</P> + +<P> +"For a lady—for Miss Mayton—that lady that saw us all muddy yesterday +afternoon," said I. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, I like her," said Budge. "She looks so nice and pretty—just like +a cake—just as if she was good to eat—Oh, I just love her, don't YOU?" +</P> + +<P> +"Well, I respect her very highly, Budge." +</P> + +<P> +"'Spect? What does 'spect mean?" +</P> + +<P> +"Why, it means that I think she's a lady—a real pleasant lady-just the +nicest sort of lady in the world—the sort of person I'd like to see +every day, and like to see her better than any one else." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, why, 'spect an' love means just the same thing, don't they, Uncle +Har—" +</P> + +<P> +"Budge," I exclaimed, somewhat hastily "run ask Maggie for a piece of +string—quick!" +</P> + +<P> +"All right," said Budge, moving off, "but they DO, don't they?" +</P> + +<P> +At two o'clock I instructed Maggie to dress my nephews, and at three we +started to make our call. To carry Toddie's bouquet, and hold a hand of +each boy so as to keep them from darting into the hedges for +grasshoppers, and the gutters for butterflies, was no easy work, but I +managed to do it. As we approached Mrs. Clarkson's boarding-house I +felt my hat was over one ear, and my cravat awry, but there was no +opportunity to rearrange them, for I saw Alice Mayton on the piazza, +and felt that she saw me. Handing the bouquet to Toddie, and promising +him three sticks of candy if he would be careful and not drop it, we +entered the garden. The moment we were inside the hedge and Toddie saw +a man going over the lawn with a lawn-mower, he shrieked: "Oh, deresh a +cutter-grass!" and dropped the bouquet with the carelessness born of +perfect ecstasy. I snatched it before it reached the ground, dragged +the offending youth up the walk, saluted Miss Mayton, and told Toddie +to give the bouquet to the lady. This he succeeded in doing, but as +Miss Mayton thanked him and stooped to kiss him he wriggled off the +piazza like a little eel, shouted, "Tum on!" to his brother, and a +moment later my nephews were following the "cutter-grass" at a +respectful distance in the rear. +</P> + +<P> +"Those are my sister's best children in the world, Miss Mayton," said I. +</P> + +<P> +"Bless the little darlings!" replied the lady; "I DO love to see +children enjoying themselves." +</P> + +<P> +"So do I," said I, "when I'm not responsible for their well-being; but +if the effort I've expended on those boys had been directed toward the +interests of my employers, those worthy gentlemen would consider me +invaluable." +</P> + +<P> +Miss Mayton made some witty reply, and we settled to a pleasant chat +about mutual acquaintances, about books, pictures, music, and the +gossip of our set. I would cheerfully have discussed Herbert Spencer's +system, the Assyrian Tablets, or any other dry subject with Miss +Mayton, and felt that I was richly repaid by the pleasure of seeing +her. Handsome, intelligent, composed, tastefully dressed, without a +suspicion of the flirt or the languid woman of fashion about her, she +awakened to the uttermost every admiring sentiment and every manly +feeling. But, alas, my enjoyment was probably more than I deserved, so +it was cut short. There were other ladies boarding at Mrs. Clarkson's, +and as Miss Mayton truthfully observed at our first meeting, men were +very scarce at Hillcrest. So the ladies, by the merest accident, of +course, happened upon the piazza, and each one was presented to me, and +common civility made it impossible for me to speak to Miss Mayton more +than once in ten minutes. At any other time and place I should have +found the meeting of so many ladies a delightful experience, but now— +</P> + +<P> +Suddenly a compound shriek arose from the lawn, and all the ladies +sprang to their feet. I followed their example, setting my teeth firmly +and viciously, hoping that whichever nephew had been hurt was BADLY +hurt. We saw Toddie running towards us with one hand in his mouth, +while Budge ran beside him, exclaiming:— +</P> + +<P> +"POOR little Toddie! Don't cry! DOES it hurt you awful? Never +mind—Uncle Harry'll comfort you. Don't cry, Toddie DE-ar!" +</P> + +<P> +Both boys reached the piazza steps, and clambered up, Budge +exclaiming:— +</P> + +<P> +"O, Uncle Harry, Toddie put his fingers in the little wheels of the +cutter-grass, an' it turned just the least little biddie, an' it hurted +him." +</P> + +<P> +But Toddie ran up to me, clasped my legs, and sobbed. +</P> + +<P> +"Sing 'Toddie one boy day.'" +</P> + +<P> +My blood seemed to freeze. I could have choked that dreadful child, +suffering though he was. I stooped over him, caressed him, promised him +candy, took out my watch and gave it to him to play with, but he +returned to his original demand. A lady—the homeliest in the +party—suggested that she should bind up his hand, and I inwardly +blessed her, but he reiterated his request for "Toddie one boy day," +and sobbed pitifully. +</P> + +<P> +"What DOES he mean?" asked Miss Mayton. +</P> + +<P> +"He wants Uncle Harry to sing, 'Charley boy one day,'" explained Budge; +"he always wants that song when he's hurt any way." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, do sing it to him, Mr. Burton," pleaded Miss Mayton; and all the +other ladies exclaimed, "Oh, do!" +</P> + +<P> +I wrathfully picked him up in my arms, and hummed the air of the +detested song. +</P> + +<P> +"Sit in a wockin'-chair," sobbed Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +I obeyed; and then my tormentor remarked:— +</P> + +<P> +"You don't sing the wydes (words),—I wants the wydes." +</P> + +<P> +I sang the words as softly as possible with my lips close to his ear, +but he roared:— +</P> + +<P> +"Sing louder." +</P> + +<P> +"I don't know any more of it, Toddie," I exclaimed in desperation. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, I'll tell it all to you, Uncle Harry," said Budge. And there, +before that audience, and HER, I was obliged to sing that dreadful +doggerel, line for line, as Budge repeated it. My teeth were set tight, +my brow grew clammy, and I gazed upon Toddie with terrible thoughts in +my mind. No one laughed—I grew so desperate that a titter would have +given relief. At last I heard some one whisper:— +</P> + +<P> +"SEE how he loves him! Poor man!—he's in perfect agony over the little +fellow." +</P> + +<P> +Had not the song reached its natural end just then, I believe I should +have tossed my wounded nephew over the piazza rail. As it was, I set +him upon his feet, announced the necessity of our departure, and began +to take leave, when Miss Mayton's mother insisted that we should stay +to dinner. +</P> + +<P> +"For myself, I should be delighted, Mrs. Mayton," said I; "but my +nephews have hardly learned company manners yet. I'm afraid my sister +wouldn't forgive me if she heard I had taken them out to dinner." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, I'll take care of the little dears," said Miss Mayton; "they'll be +good with ME, I KNOW." +</P> + +<P> +"I couldn't be so unkind as to let you try it, Miss Mayton," I replied. +But she insisted, and the pleasure of submitting to her will was so +great that I would have risked even greater mischief. So Miss Mayton +sat down to dinner with Budge upon one side and Toddie on the other, +while I was fortunately placed opposite, from which position I could +indulge in warning winks and frowns. The soup was served. I signaled +the boys to tuck their napkins under their chins, and then turned to +speak to the lady on my right. She politely inclined her head toward +me, but her thoughts seemed elsewhere; following her eyes, I beheld my +youngest nephew with his plate upraised in both hands, his head on the +table-cloth, and his eyes turned painfully upward. I dared not speak, +for fear he would drop the plate. Suddenly he withdrew his head, put on +an angelic smile, tilted his plate so part of its contents sought +refuge in the fold of Miss Mayton's dainty, snowy dress, while the +offender screamed:— +</P> + +<P> +"Oo—ee—!—zha turtle on my pyate!—Budgie, zha turtle on my pyate!" +</P> + +<P> +Budge was about to raise the plate when he caught my eye and desisted. +Poor Miss Mayton actually looked discomposed for the first time in her +life, so far as I knew or could imagine. She recovered quickly, +however, and treated that wretched boy with the most Christian +forbearance and consideration during the remainder of the meal. When +the dessert was finished she quickly excused herself, while I removed +Toddie to a secluded corner of the piazza, and favored him with a +lecture which caused him to howl pitifully, and compelled me to caress +him and undo all the good which my rebukes had done. Then he and Budge +removed themselves to the lawn, while I awaited Miss Mayton's +reappearance, to offer an apology for Toddie, and to make our adieus. +It was the custom of the ladies at Mrs. Clarkson's to stroll about the +lovely rural walks after dinner and until twilight; and on this +particular evening they departed in twos and threes, leaving me to make +my apology without witnesses. I was rather sorry they went; it was not +pleasant to feel that I was principally responsible for my nephews' +blunder, and to have no opportunity to allay my conscience-pangs by +conversation. It seemed to me Miss Mayton was forever in appearing; I +even called up my nephews to have some one to talk to. +</P> + +<P> +Suddenly she appeared, and in an instant I fervently blessed Toddie and +the soup which the child had sent upon its aimless wanderings. I would +rather pay the price of a fine dress than try to describe Miss Mayton's +attire; I can only say that in style, color and ornament it became her +perfectly, and set off the beauties of a face which I had never before +thought was more than pleasing and intelligent. Perhaps the anger which +was excusable after Toddie's graceless caper had something to do with +putting unusual color into her cheeks, and a brighter sparkle than +usual in her eyes. Whatever was the cause, she looked queenly, and I +half imagined that I detected in her face a gleam of satisfaction at +the involuntary start which her unexpected appearance caused me to +make. She accepted my apology for Toddie with queenly graciousness, and +then, instead of proposing that we should follow the other ladies, as a +moment before I had hoped she would, she dropped into a chair. I +accepted the invitation; the children should have been in bed half an +hour before, but my sense of responsibility had departed when Miss +Mayton appeared. The little scamps were safe until they should perform +some new and unexpected act of impishness. They retired to one end of +the piazza, and busied themselves in experiments upon a large +Newfoundland dog, while I, the happiest man alive, talked to the +glorious woman before me, and enjoyed the spectacle of her radiant +beauty. The twilight came and deepened, but imagination prevented the +vision from fading. With the coming of the darkness and the starlight, +our voices unconsciously dropped to lower tones, and HER voice seemed +purest music. And yet we said nothing which all the world might not +have listened to without suspecting a secret. The ladies returned in +little groups, but either out of womanly intuition or in answer to my +unspoken but fervent prayers, passed us and went into the house. I was +affected by an odd mixture of desperate courage and despicable +cowardice. I determined to tell her all, yet I shrank from the task +with more terror than ever befell me in the first steps of a charge. +</P> + +<P> +Suddenly a small shadow came from behind us and stood between us, and +the voice of Budge remarked:— +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Harry 'spects you, Miss Mayton." +</P> + +<P> +"Suspects me?—of what, pray?" exclaimed the lady, patting my nephew's +cheek. +</P> + +<P> +"Budge!" said I—I feel that my voice rose nearly to a scream—"Budge, +I must beg of you to respect the sanctity of confidential +communications." +</P> + +<P> +"What is it, Budge?" persisted Miss Mayton; "you know the old adage, +Mr. Burton: 'Children and fools speak the truth.' Of what does he +suspect me, Budge?" +</P> + +<P> +"'Tain't SUS-pect at all," said Budge, "it's es-pect." +</P> + +<P> +"Expect?" echoed Miss Mayton. +</P> + +<P> +"No, not 'ex,' it's ES-spect. I know all about it, 'cause I asked him. +Espect is what folks do when they think you're nice, and like to talk +to you, and—" +</P> + +<P> +"Respect is what the boy is trying to say, Miss Mayton," I interrupted, +to prevent what I feared might follow. "Budge has a terrifying faculty +for asking questions, and the result of some of them, this morning, was +my endeavor to explain to him the nature of the respect in which +gentlemen hold ladies." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," continued Budge, "I know all about it. Only Uncle Harry don't +say it right. What he calls espect <I>I</I> calls LOVE." +</P> + +<P> +There was an awkward pause—it seemed an age. Another blunder, and all +on account of those dreadful children. I could think of no possible way +to turn the conversation; stranger yet, Miss Mayton could not do so +either. Something MUST be done—I could at least be honest, come what +would—I would be honest. +</P> + +<P> +"Miss Mayton," said I, hastily, earnestly, but in a very low tone, +"Budge is a marplot, but he is a truthful interpreter for all that. But +whatever my fate may be, please do not suspect me of falling suddenly +into love for a holiday's diversion. My malady is of some months' +standing. I—" +</P> + +<P> +"I want to talk SOME," observed Budge. "You talk all the whole time. +I—I—when <I>I</I> loves anybody I kisses them." +</P> + +<P> +Miss Mayton gave a little start, and my thoughts followed each other +with unimagined rapidity. SHE did not turn the conversation—it could +not be possible that she COULD not. She was not angry, or she would +have expressed herself. Could it be that— +</P> + +<P> +I bent over her and acted upon Budge's suggestion. As she displayed no +resentment, I pressed my lips a second time to her forehead, then she +raised her head slightly, and I saw, in spite of darkness and shadows, +that Alice Mayton had surrendered at discretion. Taking her hand and +straightening myself to my full height, I offered to the Lord mere +fervent thanks than he ever heard from me in church. Then I heard Budge +say, "<I>I</I> wants to kiss you, too," and I saw my glorious Alice snatch +the little scamp into her arms, and treat him with more affection than +I ever imagined was in her nature. Then she seized Toddie, and gave him +a few tokens of forgiveness—I dare not think they were of gratitude. +</P> + +<P> +Suddenly two or three ladies came upon the piazza. +</P> + +<P> +"Come, boys," said I. "Then I'll call with the carriage tomorrow at +three, Miss Mayton. Good evening." +</P> + +<P> +"Good evening," replied the sweetest voice in the world; "I'll be ready +at three." +</P> + +<P> +"Budge," said I, as soon as we were fairly outside the hedge-gate, +"what do you like better than anything else in the world?" +</P> + +<P> +"Candy," said Budge, very promptly. +</P> + +<P> +"What next?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oranges." +</P> + +<P> +"What next?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, figs, an' raisins, an' dear little kittie-kitties, an' drums, an' +picture-books, an' little bakin' dishes to make mud-pies in, an' +turtles, an' little wheelbarrows." +</P> + +<P> +"Anything else?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, yes—great big black dogs—an' a goat, an' a wagon for him to draw +me in." +</P> + +<P> +"Very well, old fellow—you shall have every one of those things +tomorrow." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh—h—h—h—h!" exclaimed Budge, "I guess you're something like the +Lord, ain't you?" +</P> + +<P> +"What makes you think so, Budge?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, 'cause you can do such lots of things at once. But ain't poor +little Tod goin' to have noffin'?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, everything he wants. What would you like, Toddie?" +</P> + +<P> +"Wants a candy cigar," replied Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"What else?" +</P> + +<P> +"Don't want NUFFIN' else—don't want to be boddered wif LOTS of fings." +</P> + +<P> +The thoughts which were mine that night—the sense of how glorious a +thing it is to be a man and be loved—the humility that comes with such +a victory as I had gained—the rapid alternation of happy thoughts and +noble resolutions—what man is there who does not know my whole story +better than I can tell it? I put my nephews to bed; I told them every +story they asked for; and when Budge, in saying his prayers, said "an' +bless that nice lady that Uncle Harry 'spects," I interrupted his +devotions with a hearty hug. The children had been awake so far beyond +their usual hour for retiring that they dropped asleep without giving +any special notice of their intention to do so. Asleep, their faces +were simply angelic. As I stood, candle in hand, gazing gratefully upon +them, I remembered a sadly neglected duty. I hurried to the library and +wrote the following to my sister: +</P> + +<BR> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"HILLCREST, Monday Night. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"DEAR HELEN:—I should have written you before had I been exactly +certain what to say about your boys. I confess that until now I have +been blind to some of their virtues, and have imagined I detected an +occasional fault. But the scales have fallen from my eyes, and I see +clearly that my nephews are angels—positively angels. If I seem to +speak extravagantly, I beg to refer you to Alice Mayton for collateral +evidence. Don't come home at all—everything is just as it should +be—even if you come, I guess I'll invite myself to spend the rest of +the summer with you; I've changed my mind about its being a bore to +live out of town and take trains back and forth every day. Ask Tom to +think over such bits of real estate in your neighborhood as he imagines +I might like. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"I repeat it, the boys are angels, and Alice Mayton is another, while +the happiest man in the white goods trade is +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"Your affectionate brother +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"HARRY." +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +Early next morning I sought the society of my nephews. It was +absolutely necessary that I should overflow to SOME one—some one who +was sympathetic and innocent and pure. I longed for my sister—my +mother, but to SOME one I must talk at once. Budge fulfilled my +requirements exactly; he was an excellent listener, very sympathetic by +nature, and quick to respond. Not the wisdom of the most reverend sage +alive could have been so grateful to my ear as that child's prattle was +on that delightful morning. As for Toddie—blessed be the law of +compensation! his faculty of repetition, and of echoing whatever he +heard said, caused him to murmur "Miff Mayton, Miff Mayton," all +morning long, and the sound gained in sweetness by its ceaseless +iteration. To be sure, Budge took early and frequent occasions to +remind me of my promises of the night before, and Toddie occasionally +demanded the promised candy cigar; but these very interruptions only +added joy to my own topic of interest each time it was resumed. The +filling of Budge's orders occupied two or three hours and all the +vacant space in the carriage; even then the goat and goat-carriage were +compelled to follow behind. +</P> + +<P> +The program for the afternoon was arranged to the satisfaction of every +one. I gave the coachman, Mike, a dollar to harness the goat and teach +the children to drive him; this left me free to drive off without being +followed by two small figures and two pitiful howls. +</P> + +<P> +I always believed a horse was infected by the spirit of his driver. My +dear old four-footed military companions always seemed to perfectly +comprehend my desires and intentions, and certainly my brother-in-law's +horses entered into my own spirits on this particular afternoon. They +stepped proudly, they arched their powerful necks handsomely, their +feet seemed barely to touch the ground; yet they did not grow restive +under the bit, nor were they frightened even at a hideous steam +road-rolling machine which passed us. As I drove up to Mrs. Clarkson's +door I found that most of the boarders were on the piazza—the memories +of ladies are usually good at times. Alice immediately appeared, +composed of course, but more radiant than ever. +</P> + +<P> +"Why, where are the boys?" she exclaimed. +</P> + +<P> +"I was afraid they might annoy your mother," I replied, "so I left them +behind." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, mother hardly feels well enough to go today," said she; "she is +lying down." +</P> + +<P> +"Then we can pick up the boys on the road," said I, for which remark, +my enchantress, already descending the steps, gave me a look which the +ladies behind her would have given their best switches to have seen. +</P> + +<P> +We drove off as decorously as if it were Sunday and we were driving to +church; we industriously pointed out to each other every handsome +garden and tasteful residence we passed; we met other people driving, +and conversed fluently upon their horses, carriages and dress. But when +we reached the edge of the town, and I turned into "Happy Valley," a +road following the depressions and curves of a long, well-wooded +valley, in which there was not a single straight line, I turned and +looked into my darling's face. Her eyes met mine, and, although they +were full of a happiness which I had never seen in them before, they +filled with tears, and their dear owner dropped her head on my +shoulder. What we said on that long drive would not interest the +reader. I have learned by experience to skip all love talks in novels; +no matter how delightful the lovers may be. Recalling now our +conversation, it does not seem to me to have had anything wonderful it +in. I will only say that if I had been happy on the evening before, my +happiness now seemed to be sanctified; to be favored with the love and +confidence of a simple girl scarcely past her childhood is to receive a +greater honor than court or field can bestow; but even this honor is +far surpassed by that which comes to a man when a woman of rare +intelligence, tact and knowledge of society and the world, unburdens +her heart of all its hopes and fears, and unhesitatingly leaves her +destiny to be shaped by his love. Women like Alice Mayton do not thus +give themselves unreservedly away except when their trust is born of +knowledge as well as affection, and the realization of all this changed +me on that afternoon from whatever I had been into what I had long +hoped I might one day be. +</P> + +<P> +But the hours flew rapidly, and I reluctantly turned the horses' heads +homeward. We had left almost the whole of "Happy Valley" behind us, and +were approaching residences again. +</P> + +<P> +"Now we must be very proper," said Alice. +</P> + +<P> +"Certainly," I replied, "here's a good—by to happy nonsense for this +afternoon." +</P> + +<P> +I leaned toward her, and gently placed one arm about her neck; she +raised her dear face, from which joy and trust had banished every +indication of caution and reserve, my lips sought hers, when suddenly +we heard a most unearthly, discordant shriek, which presently separated +into two, each of which prolonged itself indefinitely. The horses +started, and Alice—blessed be all frights, now, henceforth, and +forevermore!—clung tightly to me. The sounds seemed to be approaching +us, and were accompanied by a lively rattling noise, that seemed to be +made by something wooden. Suddenly, as we approached a bend of the +road, I saw my youngest nephew appear from some unknown space, describe +a parabolic curve in the air, ricochet slightly from an earthy +protuberance in the road, and make a final stop in the gutter. At the +same time there appeared, from behind the bend, the goat, then the +carriage dragging on one side, and lastly, the boy Budge, grasping +tightly the back of the carriage body, and howling frightfully. A +direct collision between the carriage and a stone caused Budge to loose +his hold, while the goat, after taking in the scene, trotted leisurely +off, and disappeared in a road leading to the house of his late owner. +</P> + +<P> +"Budge," I shouted, "stop that bawling, and come here. Where's Mike?" +</P> + +<P> +"He—boo—hoo—went to—hoo—light his—boo—hoo—hoo—pipe, an' I just +let the—boo—hoo—whip go against to the goat, an' then he scattooed." +</P> + +<P> +"Nashty old goat scaddooed," said Toddie, in corroboration. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, walk right home, and tell Maggie to wash and dress you," said I. +</P> + +<P> +"O Harry," pleaded Alice, "after they've been in such danger! Come here +to your own Aunt Alice, Budgie dear,—and you, too, Toddie,—you know +you said we could pick the boys up on the road, Harry. There, +there—don't cry—let me wipe the ugly old dirt off you, and kiss the +face, and make it well." +</P> + +<P> +"Alice," I protested, "don't let those dirty boys clamber all over you +in that way." +</P> + +<P> +"Silence, sir," said she, with mock dignity; "who gave me my lover, I +should like to ask?" +</P> + +<P> +So we drove up to the boarding-house with the air of people who had +been devoting themselves to a couple of very disreputable children, and +I drove swiftly away again, lest the children should dispel the +illusion. We soon met Mike, running. The moment he recognized us, he +shouted:— +</P> + +<P> +"Aye, ye little dhivils,—beggin' yer pardon, Masther Harry, an' +thankin' the Howly Mither that their good-for-nothin' little bones +ain't broke to bits. Av they saw a hippypottymus hitched to Pharaoh's +chariot, they'd think 'emselves jist the byes to take the bossin' av +it, the spalpeens." +</P> + +<P> +But no number of ordinary hippopotami and chariots could have disturbed +the heavenly tranquillity of my mind on this most glorious of evenings. +Even a subtle sense of the fitness of things seemed to overshadow my +nephews. Perhaps the touch of my enchantress did it; perhaps it came +only from the natural relapse from great excitement; but no matter what +the reason was, the fact remains that for the rest of the evening two +very dirty suits of clothes held two children who gave one some idea of +how the denizens of Paradise might seem and act. They even ate their +suppers without indulging in any of the repulsive ways of which they +had so large an assortment, and they did not surreptitiously remove +from the table any fragments of bread and butter to leave on the piano, +in the card-basket, and other places inappropriate to the reception of +such varieties of abandoned property. They demanded a song after +supper, but when I sang, "Drink to Me only with Thine Eyes," and "Thou, +Thou, Reign'st in this Bosom," they stood by with silent tongues and +appreciative eyes. When they went to bed, I accompanied them by special +invitation, but they showed no disposition to engage in the usual +bedtime frolic and miniature pandemonium. Budge, when in bed, closed +his eyes, folded his hand and prayed:— +</P> + +<P> +"Dear Lord, bless papa an' mamma, an' Toddie, an' Uncle Harry, an' +everybody else; yes, an' bless just lots that lovely, lovely lady that +comforted me after the goat was bad to me, an' let her comfort me lots +of times, for Christ's sake, Amen." +</P> + +<P> +And Toddie wriggled, twisted, breathed heavily, threw his head back, +and prayed: +</P> + +<P> +"Dee Lord, don't let dat old goat fro me into de gutter on my head +aden, an' let Ocken Hawwy an' ze pitty lady be dere netst time I dest +hurted." +</P> + +<P> +Then the good-night salutations were exchanged, and I left the little +darlings and enjoyed communion with my own thoughts which were as +peaceful and ecstatic as if the world contained no white goods houses, +no doubtful customers, no business competition, no politics, gold +rooms, stock-boards, doubtful banks, political scandals, personal +iniquity, nor anything which should prevent a short vacation from +lasting through a long lifetime. +</P> + +<P> +The next morning would have struck terror to the heart of any one but a +newly accepted lover. Rain was falling fast, and in that steady, +industrious manner which seemed to assert an intention to stick closely +to business for the whole day. The sky was covered by one impenetrable +leaden cloud, water stood in pools in the streets which were soft with +dust a few hours before; the flowers all hung their heads like +vagabonds who had been awake all night and were ashamed to face the +daylight. Even the chickens stood about in dejected attitudes, and +stray roosters from other poultry-yards found refuge in Tom's coop +without first being subjected to a trial of strength and skill by Tom's +game-cock. +</P> + +<P> +But no man in my condition of mind could be easily depressed by bad +weather. I would rather have been able to drive about under a clear +sky, or lounge under the trees, or walk to the post-office in the +afternoon by the road which passed directly in front of Mrs. Clarkson's +boarding-house; but man should not live for himself alone. In the room +next mine were slumbering two wee people to whom I owed a great deal, +who would mourn bitterly when they saw the condition of the skies and +ground—I would devote myself to the task of making THEM so happy that +they would forget the absence of sunshine out of doors—I would sit by +their bedside and have a story ready for them the moment they awoke, +and put them in such a good humor that they could laugh, with me, at +cloud and rain. +</P> + +<P> +I began at once to construct a story for their especial benefit; the +scene was to be a country residence on a rainy day, and the actors two +little boys who should become uproariously jolly in spite of the +weather. Like most people not used to story-making, my progress was not +very rapid; in fact, I had got no farther than the plot indicated above +when an angry snarl came from the children's room. +</P> + +<P> +"What's the matter, Budge?" I shouted, dressing myself as rapidly as +possible. +</P> + +<P> +"Ow—oo—ya—ng—um—boc—gaa," was the somewhat complicated response. +</P> + +<P> +"What did you say, Budge?" +</P> + +<P> +"Didn't say noffin'." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh—that's what I thought." +</P> + +<P> +"DIDN'T thought." +</P> + +<P> +"Budge,—Budge,—be good." +</P> + +<P> +"Don't WANT to be good—YA—A—A." +</P> + +<P> +"Let's have some fun, Budge—don't you want to frolic?" +</P> + +<P> +"No; I don't think frolic is nice." +</P> + +<P> +"Don't you want some candy, Budge?" +</P> + +<P> +"No—you ain't GOT no candy, I bleeve." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, you sha'n't have any if you don't stop being so cross." +</P> + +<P> +The only reply to this was a mighty and audible rustling of the bedding +in the boys' room, followed by a sound strongly resembling that caused +by a slap; then came a prolonged wail, resembling that of an ungreased +wagon-wheel. +</P> + +<P> +"What's the matter, Toddie?" +</P> + +<P> +"Budge s'apped me—ah—h—h—h!" +</P> + +<P> +"What made you slap your brother, Budge?" +</P> + +<P> +"I DIDN'T." +</P> + +<P> +"You DID," screamed Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"I tell you I didn't—you're a naughty, bad boy to tell such lies, +Toddie." +</P> + +<P> +"What DID you do, Budge?" I asked. +</P> + +<P> +"Why—why—I was—I was turnin' over in bed, an' my hand was out, and +it tumbled against to Toddie—that's what." +</P> + +<P> +By this time I was dressed and in the boy's room. Both my nephews were +sitting up in bed, Budge looking as sullen as an old jail-bird, and +Toddie with tears streaming all over his face. +</P> + +<P> +"Boys," said I, "don't be angry with each other—it isn't right. What +do you suppose the Lord thinks when he sees you so cross to each other?" +</P> + +<P> +"He don't think noffin'," said Budge; "you don't think he can look +through a black sky like that, do you?" +</P> + +<P> +"He can look anywhere, Budge, and he feels very unhappy when he sees +little brothers angry with each other." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, I feel unhappy, too—I wish there wasn't never no old rain, nor +nothin'." +</P> + +<P> +"Then what would the plants and flowers do for a drink, and where would +the rivers come from for you to go sailing on?" +</P> + +<P> +"An' wawtoo to mate mud-pies," added Toddie. "You's a naughty boy, +Buggie;" and here Toddie's tears began to flow afresh. +</P> + +<P> +"I AIN'T a bad boy, an' I don't want no old rain nohow, an' that's all +about it. An' I don't want to get up, an' Maggie must bring me up my +breakfast in bed." +</P> + +<P> +"Boo—hoo—oo," wept Toddie, "wants my brepspup in bed too." +</P> + +<P> +"Boys," said I, "now listen. You can't have any breakfast at all unless +you are up and dressed by the time the bell rings. The rising bell rang +some time ago. Now dress like good boys, and you shall have some +breakfast, and then you'll feel a great deal nicer, and then Uncle +Harry will play with you and tell you stories all day long." +</P> + +<P> +Budge crept reluctantly out of bed and caught up one of his stockings, +while Toddie again began to cry. +</P> + +<P> +"Toddie," I shouted, "stop that dreadful racket, and dress yourself. +What are you crying for?" +</P> + +<P> +"Well, I feelsh bad." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, dress yourself, and you'll feel better." +</P> + +<P> +"Wantsh YOU to djesh me." +</P> + +<P> +"Bring me your clothes, then—quick!" +</P> + +<P> +Again the tears flowed copiously. "Don't WANT to bring 'em," said +Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"Then come here!" I shouted, dragging him across the room, and +snatching up his tiny articles of apparel. I had dressed no small +children since I was rather a small boy myself, and Toddie's clothing +confused me somewhat. I finally got something on him, when a +contemptuous laugh from Budge interrupted me. +</P> + +<P> +"How you goin' to put his shirt on under them things?" queried my +oldest nephew. +</P> + +<P> +"Budge," I retorted, "how are you going to get any breakfast if you +don't put on something besides that stocking?" +</P> + +<P> +The young man's countenance fell, and just then the breakfast bell +rang. Budge raised a blank face, hurried to the head of the stairs and +shouted:— +</P> + +<P> +"Maggie?" +</P> + +<P> +"What is it, Budge?" +</P> + +<P> +"Was—was that the rising-bell or the breakfast-bell?" +</P> + +<P> +"'Twas the breakfast-bell." +</P> + +<P> +There was dead silence for a moment, and then Budge shouted:— +</P> + +<P> +"Well, we'll call that the risin'-bell. You can ring another bell for +breakfast pretty soon when I get dressed." Then this volunteer adjuster +of household affairs came calmly back and commenced dressing in good +earnest, while I labored along with Toddie's wardrobe. +</P> + +<P> +"Where's the button-hook, Budge?" said I. +</P> + +<P> +"It's—I—oh—um—I put it—say, Tod, what did you do with the +button-hook yesterday?" +</P> + +<P> +"Didn't hazh no button-hook," asserted Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, you did; don't you remember how we was a playin' draw teef, an' +the doctor's dog had the toofache, and I was pullin' his teef with the +button-hook, an' you was my little boy, an' I gived the toof-puller to +you to hold for me? Where did you put it?" +</P> + +<P> +"I'D no," replied Toddie, putting his hand in his pocket and bringing +out a sickly-looking toad. +</P> + +<P> +"Feel again," said I, throwing the toad out the window, where it was +followed by an agonizing shriek from Toddie. Again he felt, and his +search was rewarded by the tension screw of Helen's sewing-machine. +Then I attempted some research myself, and speedily found my fingers +adhering to something of a sticky consistency. I quickly withdrew my +hand, exclaiming:— +</P> + +<P> +"What nasty stuff HAVE you got in your pocket, Toddie?" +</P> + +<P> +"'Taint nashty' tuff—it's byead an' 'lasses, an' its nice, an' Budge +an' me hazh little tea-parties in de kicken-coop, an' we eats it, an' +it's DOVELY." +</P> + +<P> +All this was lucid and disgusting, but utterly unproductive of +button-hooks, and meanwhile the breakfast was growing cold. I succeeded +in buttoning Toddie's shoes with my fingers, splitting most of my nails +in the operation. I had been too busily engaged with Toddie to pay any +attention to Budge, who I now found about half dressed and trying to +catch flies on the windowpane. Snatching Toddie, I started for the +dining-room, when Budge remarked reprovingly:— +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Harry, YOU wasn't dressed when the bell rang, and YOU oughtn't +to have any breakfast." +</P> + +<P> +True enough—I was minus collar, cravat, and coat. Hurrying these on, +and starting again, I was once more arrested:— +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Harry, must I brush my teeth this morning?" +</P> + +<P> +"No—hurry up—come down without doing anything more, if you like, but +COME—it'll be dinner-time before we get breakfast." +</P> + +<P> +Then that imp was moved, for the first time that morning, to something +like good-nature, and he exclaimed with a giggle:— +</P> + +<P> +"My! What big stomachs we'd have when we got done, wouldn't we?" +</P> + +<P> +At the breakfast table Toddie wept again, because I insisted on +beginning operations before Budge came. Then neither boys knew exactly +what he wanted. Then Budge managed to upset the contents of his plate +into his lap, and while I was helping him clear away the debris, Toddie +improved the opportunity to pour his milk upon his fish, and put +several spoonfuls of oatmeal porridge into my coffee-cup. I made an +early excuse to leave the table and turn the children over to Maggie. I +felt as tired as if I had done a hard day's work, and was somewhat +appalled at realizing that the day had barely begun. I lit a cigar and +sat down to Helen's piano. I am not a musician, but even the chords of +a hand-organ would have seemed sweet music to me on that morning. The +music-book nearest to my hand was a church hymn-book, and the first air +my eye struck was "Greenville." I lived once in a town, where, on a +single day, a pedler disposed of thirty-eight accordeons, each with an +instruction-book in which this same air under its original name was the +ONLY air. For years after, a single bar of this air awakened the most +melancholy reflections in my mind, but now I forgave all my musical +tormentors as the familiar strains came comfortingly from the +piano-keys. But suddenly I heard an accompaniment—a sort of reedy +sound—and, looking around, I saw Toddie again in tears. I stopped +abruptly and asked:— +</P> + +<P> +"What's the matter NOW, Toddie?" +</P> + +<P> +"Don't want dat old tune; wantsh dancin' tune, so I can dance." +</P> + +<P> +I promptly played "Yankee Doodle," and Toddie began to trot around the +room with the expression of a man who intended to do his whole duty. +Then Budge appeared, hugging a bound volume of "St. Nicholas." The +moment Toddie espied this he stopped dancing and devoted himself anew +to the task of weeping. +</P> + +<P> +"Toddie," I shouted, springing from the piano-stool, "what do you mean +by crying at everything? I shall have to put you to bed again, if +you're going to be such a baby." +</P> + +<P> +"That's the way he ALWAYS does, rainy days," explained Budge. +</P> + +<P> +"Wantsh to see the whay-al what fwollowed Djonah," sobbed Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"Can't you demand something that's within the range of possibility, +Toddie?" I mildly asked. +</P> + +<P> +"The whale Toddie means is in this big red book,—I'll find it for +you," said Budge, turning over the leaves. +</P> + +<P> +Suddenly a rejoicing squeal from Toddie announced that leviathan had +been found, and I hastened to gaze. He was certainly a dreadful-looking +animal, but he had an enormous mouth, which Toddie caressed with his +pudgy little hand, and kissed with tenderness, murmuring as he did so:— +</P> + +<P> +"DEE old whay-al, I loves you. Is Jonah all goneded out of you 'tomach, +whay-al? I finks 'twas weal mean in Djonah to get froed up when you +hadn't noffin' else to eat, POOR old whay-al." +</P> + +<P> +"Of COURSE Jonah's gone," said Budge, "he went to heaven long +ago—pretty soon after he went to Nineveh an' done what the Lord told +him to do. Now swing us, Uncle Harry." +</P> + +<P> +The swing was on the piazza under cover from the rain; so I obeyed. +Both boys fought for the right to swing first, and when I decided in +favor of Budge, Toddie went off weeping, and declaring that he would +look at his dear whay-al anyhow. A moment later his wail changed to a +piercing shriek; and running to his assistance, I saw him holding one +finger tenderly and trampling on a wasp. +</P> + +<P> +"What's the matter, Toddie?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oo—oo—ee—ee—ee—EE—I putted my finger on a waps, and—oo—oo—the +nasty waps—oo—bited me. An' I don't like wapses a bit, but I likes +whay-als—oo—ee—ee." +</P> + +<P> +A happy thought struck me. "Why don't you boys make believe that big +packing-box in your play-room is a whale?" said I. +</P> + +<P> +A compound shriek of delight followed the suggestion, and both boys +scrambled upstairs, leaving me a free man again. I looked remorsefully +at the tableful of books which I had brought to read, and had not +looked at for a week. Even now my remorse did not move me to open +them—I found myself instead attracted toward Tom's library, and +conning the titles of novels and volumes of poems. My eye was caught by +"Initial,"—a love-story which I had always avoided because I had heard +impressible young ladies rave about it; but now I picked it up and +dropped into an easy chair. Suddenly I heard Mike the coachman +shouting:— +</P> + +<P> +"Go away from there, will ye? Ah, ye little spalpeen, it's good for ye +that yer fahder don't see ye perched up dhere. Go way from dhat, or +I'll be tellin' yer uncle." +</P> + +<P> +"Don't care for nasty old uncle," piped Toddie's voice. +</P> + +<P> +I laid down my book with a sigh, and went into the garden. Mike saw me +and shouted:— +</P> + +<P> +"Misther Burthon, will ye look dhere? Did ye's ever see the loike av +dhat bye?" +</P> + +<P> +Looking up at the play-room window, a long, narrow sort of loop-hole in +a Gothic gable, I beheld my youngest nephew standing upright on the +sill. +</P> + +<P> +"Toddie, go in—quick!" I shouted, hurrying under the window to catch +him in case he fell outward. +</P> + +<P> +"I tan't," squealed Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"Mike, run up-stairs and snatch him in; Toddie, go on, I tell you!" +</P> + +<P> +"Tell you I TAN'T doe in," repeated Toddie. "ZE bit bots ish ze +whay-al, an' I'ez Djonah, an' ze whay-al's froed me up, an' I'ze dot to +'tay up here else ze whay-al 'ill fwallow me aden." +</P> + +<P> +"I won't LET him swallow you. Get in now—hurry," said I. +</P> + +<P> +"Will you give him a penny not to fwallow me no more?" queried Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes—a whole lot of pennies." +</P> + +<P> +"Aw wight. Whay-al, don't you fwallow me no more, an' zen my Ocken +Hawwy div you whole lots of pennies. You must be weal dood whay-al now, +an' then I buys you some tandy wif your pennies, an'—" +</P> + +<P> +Just then two great hands seized Toddie's frock in front, and he +disappeared with a howl, while I, with the first feeling of faintness I +had ever experienced, went in search of hammer, nails, and some strips +of board, to nail on the outside of the window-frame. But boards could +not be found, so I went up to the play-room and began to knock a piece +or two off the box which had done duty as whale. A pitiful scream from +Toddie caused me to stop. +</P> + +<P> +"You're hurtin' my dee old whay-al; you's brakin' his 'tomach all +open—you's a baddy man—'TOP hurtin' my whay-al, ee—ee—ee," cried my +nephew. +</P> + +<P> +"I'm not hurting him, Toddie," said I; "I'm making his mouth bigger, so +he can swallow you easier." +</P> + +<P> +A bright thought came into Toddie's face and shone through his tears. +"Then he can fwallow Budgie too, an' there'l be two +Djonahs—ha—ha—ha! Make his mouf so big he can fwallow Mike, an' zen +mate it 'ittle aden, so Mike tan' det OUT; nashty old Mike!" +</P> + +<P> +I explained that Mike would not come upstairs again, so I was permitted +to depart after securing the window. +</P> + +<P> +Again I settled myself with book and cigar; there was at least for me +the extra enjoyment that comes from the sense of pleasure earned by +honest toil. Pretty soon Budge entered the room. I affected not to +notice him, but he was not in the least abashed by my neglect. +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Harry," said he, throwing himself in my lap between my book and +me, "I don't feel a bit nice." +</P> + +<P> +"What's the matter, old fellow?" I asked. Until he spoke I could have +boxed his ears with great satisfaction to myself; but there is so much +genuine feeling in whatever Budge says that he commands respect. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, I'm tired of playin' with Toddie, an' I feel lonesome. Won't you +tell me a story?" +</P> + +<P> +"Then what'll poor Toddie do, Budge?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, he won't mind—he's got a dead mouse to be Jonah now, so I don't +have no fun at all. Won't you tell me a story?" +</P> + +<P> +"Which one?" +</P> + +<P> +"Tell me one that I never heard before at all." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, let's see; I guess I'll tell—" +</P> + +<P> +"Ah—ah—ah—ah—ee—ee—ee," sounded afar off, but fatefully. It came +nearer—it came down the stairway and into the library, accompanied by +Toddie, who, on spying me, dropped his inarticulate utterance, held up +both hands, and exclaimed:— +</P> + +<P> +"Djonah bwoke he tay-al!" +</P> + +<P> +True enough; in one hand Toddie held the body of a mouse, and in the +other that animal's caudal appendage; there was also perceptible, +though not by the sense of sight, an objectionable odor in the room. +</P> + +<P> +"Toddie," said I, "go throw Jonah into the chicken-coop, and I'll give +you some candy." +</P> + +<P> +"Me too," shouted Budge, "cos I found the mouse for him." +</P> + +<P> +I made both boys happy with candy, exacted a pledge not to go out in +the rain, and then, turning them loose on the piazza, returned to my +book. I had read perhaps half-a-dozen pages when there arose and +swelled rapidly in volume a scream from Toddie. Madly determined to put +both boys into chairs, tie them and clap adhesive plaster over their +mouths, I rushed out upon the piazza. +</P> + +<P> +"Budgie tried to eat my candy," complained Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"I didn't," said Budge. +</P> + +<P> +"What DID you do?" I demanded. +</P> + +<P> +"I didn't bite it at all—I only wanted to see how it would feel +between my teeth—that's all." +</P> + +<P> +I felt the corners of my mouth breaking down, and hurried back to the +library, where I spent a quiet quarter of an hour in pondering over the +demoralizing influence exerted upon principle by a sense of the +ludicrous. For some time afterward the boys got along without doing +anything worse than make a dreadful noise, which caused me to resolve +to find some method of deadening piazza-floors if <I>I</I> ever owned a +house in the country. In the occasional intervals of comparative quiet +I caught snatches of very funny conversation. The boys had coined a +great many words whose meaning was evident enough but I wonder greatly +why Tom and Helen had never taught them the proper substitutes. +</P> + +<P> +Among others was the word "deader," whose meaning I could not imagine. +Budge shouted:— +</P> + +<P> +"O Tod; there comes a deader. See where all them things like rooster's +tails are a-shakin'?—Well, there's a deader under them." +</P> + +<P> +"Dasth funny," remarked Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"An' see all the peoples a-comin' along," continued Budge, "THEY know +'bout the deader, an' they're goin' to see it fixed. Here it comes. +Hello, deader!" +</P> + +<P> +"Hay-oh, deader," echoed Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +What COULD deader mean? +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, here it is right in front of us," cried Budge, "and AIN'T there +lots of people? An' two horses to pull the deader—SOME deaders has +only one." +</P> + +<P> +My curiosity was too much for my weariness; I went to the front window, +and, peering through, saw—a funeral procession! In a second I was on +the piazza, with my hands on the children's collars; a second later two +small boys were on the floor of the hall, the front door was closed, +and two determined hands covered two threatening little mouths. +</P> + +<P> +When the procession had fairly passed the house I released the boys and +heard two prolonged howls for my pains. Then I asked Budge if he wasn't +ashamed to talk that way when a funeral was passing. +</P> + +<P> +"'TWASN'T a funeral," said he. "'Twas only a deader, an' deaders can't +hear nothin'." +</P> + +<P> +"But the people in the carriages could," said I. +</P> + +<P> +"Well," said he, "they was so glad that the other part of the deader +had gone to heaven that they didn't care WHAT I said. Ev'rybody's glad +when the other parts of deaders go to heaven. Papa told me to be glad +that dear little Phillie was in heaven, an' I WAS, but I do want to see +him again awful." +</P> + +<P> +"Wantsh to shee Phillie aden awfoo," said Toddie, as I kissed Budge and +hurried off to the library, unfit just then to administer farther +instruction or reproof. Of one thing I was very certain—I wished the +rain would cease falling, so the children could go out of doors, and I +could get a little rest, and freedom from responsibility. But the skies +showed no signs of being emptied, the boys were snarling on the +stairway, and I was losing my temper quite rapidly. +</P> + +<P> +Suddenly I bethought me of one of the delights of my own childish +days—the making of scrap-books. One of Tom's library drawers held a +great many Lady's Journals. Of course Helen meant to have them bound, +but I could easily repurchase the numbers for her; they would cost two +or three dollars; but peace was cheap at that price. On a high shelf in +the playroom I had seen some supplementary volumes of "Mercantile +Agency" reports which would in time reach the rag-bag; there was a +bottle of mucilage in the library-desk, and the children owned an old +pair of scissors. Within five minutes I had located two happy children +on the bath-room floor, taught them to cut out pictures (which +operation I quickly found they understood as well as I did) and to +paste them into the extemporized scrap-book. Then I left them, +recalling something from Newman Hall's address on "The Dignity of +Labor." Why hadn't I thought before of showing my nephews some way of +occupying their mind and hands? Who could blame the helpless little +things for following every prompting of their unguided minds? Had I not +a hundred times been told, when sent to the wood-pile or the weediest +part of the garden in my youthful days, that +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "Satan finds some mischief still<BR> + For idle hands to do?"<BR> +</P> + +<P> +"Never again would I blame children for being mischievous when their +minds were neglected. +</P> + +<P> +I spent a peaceful, pleasant hour over my novel, when I felt that a +fresh cigar would be acceptable. Going up-stairs in search of one I +found that Budge had filled the bathtub with water, and was sailing +boats, that is, hair-brushes. Even this seemed too mild an offense to +call for a rebuke, so I passed on without disturbing him, and went to +my own room. I heard Toddie's voice, and having heard from my sister +that Toddie's conversations with himself were worth listening to, I +paused outside the door. I heard Toddie softly murmur:— +</P> + +<P> +"Zere, pitty yady, 'tay ZERE. Now, 'ittle boy, I put you wif your +mudder, tause mudders likes zere 'ittle boys wif zem. An' you sall have +'ittle sister tudder side of you,—zere. Now, 'ittle boy's an' 'ittle +girl's mudder, don't you feel happy?—isn't I awfoo good to give you +your 'ittle tsilderns? You ought to say, 'Fank you, Toddie,—you'se a +nice, fweet 'ittle djentleman.'" +</P> + +<P> +I peered cautiously—then I entered the room hastily. I didn't say +anything for a moment, for it was impossible to do justice, impromptu, +to the subject. Toddie had a progressive mind—if pictorial +ornamentation was good for old books, why should not similar +ornamentation be extended to objects more likely to be seen? Such may +not have been Toddie's line of thought, but his recent operations +warranted such a supposition. He had cut out a number of pictures, and +pasted them upon the wall of my room—my sister's darling room, with +its walls tinted exquisitely in pink. As a member of a hanging +committee, Toddie would hardly have satisfied taller people, but he had +arranged the pictures quite regularly, at about the height of his own +eyes, had favored no one artist more than another, and had hung +indiscriminately figure pieces, landscapes, and genre pictures. The +temporary break of wall-line, occasioned by the door communicating with +his own room, he had overcome by closing the door and carrying a line +of pictures across its lower panels. Occasionally, a picture fell off +the wall, but the mucilage remained faithful, and glistened with its +fervor of devotion. And yet so untouched was I by this artistic +display, that when I found strength to shout "Toddie!" it was in a tone +which caused this industrious amateur decorator to start violently, and +drop his mucilage-bottle, open end first, upon the carpet. +</P> + +<P> +"What will mamma say?" I asked. +</P> + +<P> +Toddie gazed, first blankly and then inquiringly, into my face; finding +no answer or sympathy there, he burst into tears, and replied:— +</P> + +<P> +"I dunno." +</P> + +<P> +The ringing of the lunch-bell changed Toddie from a tearful cherub into +a very practical, business-like boy, and shouting "Come on, Budge!" he +hurried down-stairs, while I tormented myself with wonder as to how I +could best and most quickly undo the mischief Toddie had done. +</P> + +<P> +I will concede to my nephews the credit of keeping reasonably quiet +during meals; their tongues doubtless longed to be active in both the +principal capacities of those useful members, but they had no doubt as +to how to choose between silence and hunger. The result was a +reasonably comfortable half-hour. Just as I began to cut a melon, Budge +broke the silence by exclaiming:— +</P> + +<P> +"O Uncle Harry, we haven't been out to see the goat to-day!" +</P> + +<P> +"Budge," I replied, "I'll carry you out there under an umbrella after +lunch, and you may play with that goat all the afternoon, if you like." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, won't that be nice?" exclaimed Budge. "The poor goat! he'll think +I don't love him a bit, 'cause I haven't been to see him to-day. Does +goats go to heaven when they die, Uncle Harry?" +</P> + +<P> +"Guess not—they'd make trouble in the golden streets, I'm afraid." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, dear! then Phillie can't see my goat. I'm so awful sorry," said +Budge. +</P> + +<P> +"<I>I</I> can see your goat, Budgie," suggested Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"Huh!" said Budge, very contemptuously. "YOU ain't dead." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, Izhe GOIN' to be dead some day 'an zen your nashty old goat +sha'n't see me a bit—see how he like ZAT." And Toddie made a ferocious +attack on a slice of melon nearly as large as himself. +</P> + +<P> +After lunch Toddie was sent to his room to take his afternoon nap, and +Budge went to the barn on my shoulders. I gave Mike a dollar, with +instructions to keep Budge in sight, to keep him from teasing the goat, +and to prevent his being impaled or butted. Then I stretched myself on +a lounge, and wondered whether only half a day of daylight had elapsed +since I and the most adorable woman in the world had been so happy +together. How much happier I would be when next I met her! The very +torments of this rainy day would make my joy seem all the dearer and +more intense. I dreamed happily for a few moments with my eyes open, +and then somehow they closed, without my knowledge. What put into my +mind the wreck-scene from the play of "David Copperfield," I don't +know; but there it came, and in my dream I was sitting in the balcony +at Booth's, and taking a proper interest in the scene, when it occurred +to me that the thunder had less of reverberation and more woodenness +than good stage thunder should have. The mental exertion I underwent on +this subject disturbed the course of my nap, but as wakefulness +returned, the sound of the poorly simulated thunder did not cease; on +the contrary, it was just as noisy, and more hopelessly a counterfeit +than ever. What could the sound be? I stepped through the window to the +piazza, and the sound was directly over my head. I sprang down the +terrace and out upon the lawn, looked up, and beheld my youngest nephew +strutting back and forth on the tin roof of the piazza, holding over +his head a ragged old parasol. I roared— +</P> + +<P> +"Go in, Toddie—this instant!" +</P> + +<P> +The sound of my voice startled the young man so severely that he lost +his footing, fell, and began to roll toward the edge and to scream, +both operations being performed with great rapidity. I ran to catch him +as he fell, but the outer edge of the water-trough was high enough to +arrest his progress, though it had no effect in reducing the volume of +his howls. +</P> + +<P> +"Toddie," I shouted, "lie perfectly still until uncle can get to you. +Do you hear?" +</P> + +<P> +"Ess, but don't want to lie 'till," came in reply from the roof. +"'Tan't shee noffin' but sky an' rain." +</P> + +<P> +"Lie still," I reiterated, "or I'll whip you dreadfully." Then I dashed +up-stairs, removed my shoes, climbed out and rescued Toddie, shook him +soundly, and then shook myself. +</P> + +<P> +"I wazh only djust pyayin' mamma, an' walkin' in ze yain wif an +umbayalla," Toddie explained. +</P> + +<P> +I threw him upon his bed and departed. It was plain that neither logic, +threats, nor the presence of danger could keep this dreadful child from +doing whatever he chose; what other means of restraint could be +employed? Although not as religious a man as my good mother could wish, +I really wondered whether prayer, as a last resort, might not be +effective. For his good, and my own peace, I would cheerfully have read +through the whole prayer-book. I could hardly have done it just then, +though, for Mike solicited an audience at the back door, and reported +that Budge had given the carriage-sponge to the goat, put handfuls of +oats into the pump-cylinder, pulled hairs out of the black mare's tail, +and with a sharp nail drawn pictures on the enamel of the +carriage-body. Budge made no denial, but looked very much aggrieved, +and remarked that he couldn't never be happy without somebody having to +go get bothered; and he wished there wasn't nobody in the world but +organ-grinders and candy-store men. He followed me into the house, +flung himself into a chair, put on a look which I imagine Byron wore +before he was old enough to be malicious, and exclaimed:— +</P> + +<P> +"I don't see what little boys was made for anyhow; if ev'rybody gets +cross with them, an' don't let 'em do what they want to. I'll bet when +I get to heaven, the Lord won't be as ugly to me as Mike is,—an' some +other folks, too. I wish I could die and be buried right away,—me an' +the goat—an' go to heaven, where we wouldn't be scolded." +</P> + +<P> +Poor little fellow! First I laughed inwardly at his idea of heaven, and +then I wondered whether my own was very different from it, or any more +creditable. I had no time to spend even in pious reflection, however. +Budge was quite wet, his shoes were soaking, and he already had an +attack of catarrh; so I took him to his room and re-dressed him, +wondering all the while how much similar duties my own father had had +to do by me had shortened his life, and how, with such a son as I was, +he lived as long as he did. The idea that I was in some slight degree +atoning for my early sins, so filled my thoughts, that I did not at +first notice the absence of Toddie. When it DID become evident to me +that my youngest nephew was not in the bed in which I had placed him, I +went in search of him. He was in none of the chambers, but hearing +gentle murmurs issue from a long, light closet, I looked in and saw +Toddie sitting on the floor, and eating the cheese out of a mouse-trap. +A squeak of my boots betrayed me, and Toddie, equal to the emergency, +sprang to his feet and exclaimed:— +</P> + +<P> +"I didn't hurt de 'ittle mousie one bittie; I just letted him out, and +he runded away." +</P> + +<P> +And still it rained. Oh, for a single hour of sunlight, so that the mud +might be only damp dirt, and the children could play without tormenting +other people! But it was not to be; slowly, and by the aid of songs, +stories, an improvised menagerie, in which I personated every animal, +besides playing ostrich and armadillo, and a great many disagreements, +the afternoon wore to its close, and my heart slowly lightened. Only an +hour or two more, and the children would be in bed for the night, and +then I would enjoy, in unutterable measure, the peaceful hours which +would be mine. Even now they were inclined to behave themselves; they +were tired and hungry, and stretched themselves on the floor, to await +dinner. I embraced the opportunity to return to my book, but I had +hardly read a page, when a combined crash and scream summoned me to the +dining-room. On the floor lay Toddie, a great many dishes, a roast leg +of lamb, several ears of green corn, the butter-dish and its contents, +and several other misplaced edibles. One thing was quite evident; the +scalding contents of the gravy-dish had been emptied on Toddie's arm, +and how severely the poor child might be scalded I did not know. I +hastily slit open his sleeve from wrist to shoulder, and found the skin +very red; so, remembering my mother's favorite treatment for scalds and +burns, I quickly spread the contents of a dish of mashed potato on a +clean handkerchief, and wound the whole around Toddie's arm as a +poultice. Then I demanded an explanation. +</P> + +<P> +"I was only djust reatchin for a pieshe of bwed," sobbed Toddie, "an' +then the bad old tabo beginded to froe all its fings at me, an' tumble +down bang." +</P> + +<P> +He undoubtedly told the truth as far as he knew it, but reaching over +tables is a bad habit in small boys, especially when their mothers +cling to old-fashioned heirlooms of tables, which have folding leaves; +so I banished Toddie to his room, supperless, to think of what he had +done. With Budge alone, I had a comfortable dinner off the salvage from +the wreck caused by Toddie, and then I went up-stairs to see if the +offender had repented. It was hard to tell, by sight, whether he had or +not, for his back was to me, as he flattened his nose against the +window, but I could see that my poultice was gone. +</P> + +<P> +"Where is what uncle put on your arm, Toddie?" I asked. +</P> + +<P> +"I ate it up," said the truthful youth. +</P> + +<P> +"Did you eat the handkerchief, too?" +</P> + +<P> +"No; I froed nashty old handkerchief out the window—don't want dirty +old handkerchiefs in my nice 'ittle room." +</P> + +<P> +I was so glad that his burn had been slight that I forgave the insult +to my handkerchief and called up Budge, so that I might at once get +both boys into bed, and emerge from the bondage in which I had lived +all day long. But the task was no easy one. Of course my +brother-in-law, Tom Lawrence, knows better than any other man the +necessities of his own children, but no children of mine shall ever be +taught so many methods of imposing upon parental good nature. Their +program called for stories, songs, moral conversations, frolics, the +presentation of pennies, the dropping of the same, at long intervals, +into tin savings banks, followed by a deafening shaking-up of both +banks; then a prayer must be offered, and no conventional one would be +tolerated; then the boys performed their own devotions, after which I +was allowed to depart with an interchange of "God bless you's." As this +evening I left the room with their innocent benedictions sounding in my +ears, a sense of personal weakness, induced by the events of the day, +moved me to fervently respond "Amen!" +</P> + +<P> +Mothers of American boys, accept from me a tribute of respect, which no +words can fitly express—of wonder greater than any of the great things +of the world ever inspired—of adoration as earnest and devout as the +Catholic pays to the Virgin. In a single day, I, a strong man, with +nothing else to occupy my mind, am reduced to physical and mental +worthlessness by the necessities of two boys not overmischievous or +bad. And you—Heaven only knows how—have unbroken weeks, months, +years, yes, lifetimes of just such experiences, and with them the +burden of household cares, of physical ills and depressions, of mental +anxieties that pierce your hearts with as many sorrows as grieved the +Holy Mother of old. Compared with thy endurance, that of the young man, +the athlete, is as weakness; the secret of thy nerves, wonderful even +in their weakness, is as great as that of the power of the winds. To +display decision, thy opportunities are more frequent than those of the +greatest statesman; thy heroism laughs into insignificance that of fort +and field; thou art trained in a school of diplomacy such as the most +experienced court cannot furnish. Do scoffers say thou canst not hold +the reins of government? Easier is it to rule a band of savages than to +be the successful autocrat of thy little kingdom. Compared with the +ways of men, even thy failures are full of glory. Be thy faults what +they may, thy one great, mysterious, unapproachable success places +thee, in desert, far above warrior, rabbi or priest. +</P> + +<P> +The foregoing soliloquy passed through my mind as I lay upon the bed +where I had thrown myself after leaving the children's room. Whatever +else attempted to affect me mentally found my mind a blank until the +next morning, when I awoke to realize that I had dropped asleep just +where I fell, and that I had spent nearly twelve hours lying across a +bed in an uncomfortable position, and without removing my daily attire. +My next impression was that quite a bulky letter had been pushed under +my chamber-door. Could it be that my darling—I hastily seized the +envelope and found it addressed in my sister's writing, and promising a +more voluminous letter than that lady had ever before honored me with. +I opened it, dropping an enclosure which doubtless was a list of +necessities which I would please pack, etc., and read as follows:— +</P> + +<BR> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"JULY 1, 1875. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"MY DEAR OLD BROTHER:—WOULDN'T I like to give you the warmest of +sisterly hugs? I can't believe it, and yet I'm in ecstasies over it. To +think that you should have got that perfection of a girl, who has +declined so many great catches—YOU, my sober, business-like, +unromantic big brother—oh, it's too wonderful! But now I think of it, +you're just the people for each other. I'd like to say that it's just +what I'd always longed for, and that I invited you to Hillcrest to +bring it about; but the trouble with such a story would be that it +wouldn't have a word of truth in it. You always DID have a faculty of +doing just what you pleased, and what nobody ever expected you to do, +but now you've exceeded yourself. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"And to think that my little darlings played an important part in +bringing it all about! I shall take the credit for THAT, for if it +hadn't been for me, who would have helped you, sir? I shall expect you +to remember both of them handsomely at Christmas. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"I don't believe I'm guilty of a breach of confidence in sending the +enclosed, which I have just received from my sister-in-law that is to +be. It will tell you some causes of your success of which you, with a +man's conceit, haven't imagined for a minute, and it will tell you, +too, of a maiden's first and natural fear under such circumstances,—a +fear which I know that you, with your honest, generous heart, will +hasten to dispel. As you're a man, you're quite likely to be too stupid +to read what's written between the lines; so I'd better tell you that +Alice's fear is that in letting herself go so easily she may have +seemed to lack proper reserve and self-respect. You don't need to be +told that no woman alive has more of these very qualities. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"Bless your dear old heart, Harry,—you deserve to be shaken to death +if you're not the happiest man alive. I MUST hurry home and see you +both with my own eyes, and learn to believe that all this wonderful +glorious thing has come to pass. Give Alice a sister's kiss from me (if +you know how to give more than one kind), and give my cherubs a hundred +each from the mother that wants to see them so much. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"With love and congratulations, +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"HELEN." +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +The other letter, which I opened with considerable reverence and more +delight, ran as follows:— +</P> + +<BR> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"HILLCREST, June 29, 1875. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"DEAR FRIEND HELEN:—Something has happened, and I am very happy, but I +am more than a little troubled over it, too, and as you are one of the +persons nearly concerned, I am going to confess to you as soon as +possible. Harry—your brother, I mean—will be sure to tell you very +soon, if he hasn't done so already, and I want to make all possible +haste to solemnly assure you that <I>I</I> hadn't the slightest idea of such +a thing coming to pass, and I didn't do the slightest thing to bring it +about. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"I always thought your brother was a splendid fellow, and have never +been afraid to express my mind about him, when there was no one but +girls to listen. But out here I've somehow learned to admire him more +than ever. I cheerfully acquit HIM of intentionally doing anything to +create a favorable impression; if his several appearances before me +HAVE been studied, he is certainly the most original being I ever heard +of. Your children are angels—you've told me so yourself, and I've my +own very distinct impression on the subject, but they DON'T study to +save their uncle's appearance. The figures that unfortunate man has cut +several times—well, I won't try to describe them on paper, for fear he +might some day see a scrap of it, and take offense. But he always seems +to be patient with them, and devoted to them, and I haven't been able +to keep from seeing that a man who could be so lovable with thoughtless +and unreasonable children must be perfectly adorable to the woman he +loved, if she were a woman at all. Still, I hadn't the faintest idea +that I would be the fortunate woman. At last THE day came, but I was in +blissful ignorance of what was to happen. Your little Charley hurt +himself, and insisted upon Har—your brother singing an odd song to +him; and just when the young gentleman was doing the elegant to a dozen +of us ladies at once, too! If you COULD have seen his face!—it was too +funny, until he got over his annoyance, and began to feel properly +sorry for the little fellow—then he seemed all at once to be all +tenderness and heart, and I DID wish for a moment that +conventionalities didn't exist, and I might tell him that he was a +model. Then your youngest playfully spilt a plate of soup on my dress +(don't be worried—'twas only a common muslin, and 'twill wash). Of +course I had to change it, and as I retired the happy thought struck me +that I'd make so elaborate a toilet that I wouldn't finish in time to +join the other ladies for the usual evening walk; consequence, I would +have a chance to monopolize a gentleman for half an hour or more—a +chance which, no thanks to the gentlemen who don't come to Hillcrest, +no lady here has had this season. Every time I peered through the +blinds to see if the other girls had started, I could see HIM, looking +so distressed, and brooding over those two children as if he was their +mother, and he seemed so good. He seemed pleased to see ME when I +appeared, and coming from such a man, the implied compliment was fully +appreciated; everything he said to me seemed a little more worth +hearing than if it had come from any man not so good. Then suddenly +your eldest insisted on retailing the result of a conversation he had +had with his uncle, and the upshot was that Harry declared himself; he +wasn't romantic a bit, but he was real straightforward and manly, while +I was so completely taken aback that I couldn't think of a thing to +say. Then the impudent fellow kissed me, and I lost my tongue worse +than ever. If I had known anything of his feelings beforehand, I should +have been prepared to behave more properly; but—O Helen, I'm so glad I +DIDN'T know! I should be the happiest being that ever lived, if I +wasn't afraid that you and your husband might think that I had given +myself away too hastily. As to other people, we will see that they +don't know a word about it for months to come. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"DO write that I was not to blame, and make believe accept me as a +sister, because I CAN'T offer to give Harry up to any one else you may +have picked out for him. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"Your sincere friend, +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"ALICE MAYTON." +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +Was there ever so delightful a reveille? All the boyishness in me +seemed suddenly to come to the surface, and instead of saying and doing +the decorous things which novelists' heroes do under similar +circumstances, I shouted "Hurrah!" and danced into the children's room +so violently that Budge sat up in bed, and regarded me with reproving +eyes, while Toddie burst into a happy laugh, and volunteered as a +partner in the dance. Then I realized that the rain was over, and the +sun was shining—I could take Alice out for another drive, and until +then the children could take care of themselves. I remembered suddenly, +and with a sharp pang, that my vacation was nearly at an end, and I +found myself consuming with impatience to know how much longer Alice +would remain at Hillcrest. It would be cruel to wish her in the city +before the end of August, yet I— +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Harry," said Budge, "my papa says 'tisn't nice for folks to sit +down and go to thinkin' before they've brushed their hair +mornin's—that's what he tells ME." +</P> + +<P> +"I beg your pardon, Budge," said I, springing up in some confusion; "I +was thinking over a matter of a great deal of importance." +</P> + +<P> +"What was it—my goat?" +</P> + +<P> +"No—of course not. Don't be silly, Budge." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, I think about him a good deal, an' I don't think it's silly a +bit. I hope he'll go to heaven when he dies. Do angels have +goat-carriages, Uncle Harry?" +</P> + +<P> +"No, old fellow—they can go about without carriages." +</P> + +<P> +"When <I>I</I> goesh to hebben," said Toddie, rising in bed, "Izhe goin' to +have lots of goat-cawidjes an' Izhe goin' to tate all ze andjels a +widen." +</P> + +<P> +With many other bits of prophecy and celestial description I was +regaled as I completed my toilet, and I hurried out of doors for an +opportunity to think without disturbance. Strolling past the henyard I +saw a meditative turtle, and picking him up and shouting to my nephews +I held the reptile up for their inspection. Their window-blinds flew +open, and a unanimous though not exactly harmonious "Oh!" greeted my +prize. +</P> + +<P> +"Where did you get it, Uncle Harry?" asked Budge. +</P> + +<P> +"Down by the hen-coop." +</P> + +<P> +Budge's eyes opened wide; he seemed to devote a moment to profound +thought, and then he exclaimed:— +</P> + +<P> +"Why, I don't see how the hens COULD lay such a big thing—just put him +in your hat till I come down, will you?" +</P> + +<P> +I dropped the turtle in Budge's wheelbarrow, and made a tour of the +flower-borders. The flowers, always full of suggestion to me, seemed +suddenly to have new charms and powers; they actually impelled me to +try to make rhymes,—me, a steady white-goods salesman! The impulse was +too strong to be resisted, though I must admit that the results were +pitifully meager:— +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "As radiant as that matchless rose<BR> + Which poet-artists fancy;<BR> + As fair as whitest lily-blows,<BR> + As modest as the pansy;<BR> + As pure as dew which hides within<BR> + Aurora's sun-kissed chalice;<BR> + As tender as the primrose sweet—<BR> + All this, and more, is Alice."<BR> +</P> + +<P> +In inflicting this fragment upon the reader, I have not the faintest +idea that he can discover any merit in it; I quote it only that a +subsequent experience of mine may be more intelligible. When I had +composed these wretched lines I became conscious that I had neither +pencil nor paper wherewith to preserve them. Should I lose them—my +first self-constructed poem? Never! This was not the first time in +which I had found it necessary to preserve words by memory alone. So I +repeated my ridiculous lines over and over again, until the eloquent +feeling of which they were the graceless expression inspired me to +accompany my recital with gestures. Six—eight—ten—a dozen—twenty +times I repeated these lines, each time with additional emotion and +gestures, when a thin voice, very near me, remarked:— +</P> + +<P> +"Ocken Hawwy, you does djust as if you was swimmin'." +</P> + +<P> +Turning, I beheld my nephew Toddie—how long he had been behind me I +had no idea. He looked earnestly into my eyes and then remarked:— +</P> + +<P> +"Ocken Hawwy, your faysh is wed, djust like a wosy-posy." +</P> + +<P> +"Let's go right in to breakfast, Toddie," said I aloud, as I grumbled +to myself about the faculty of observation which Tom's children seemed +to have. +</P> + +<P> +Immediately after breakfast I despatched Mike with a note to Alice, +informing her that I would be glad to drive her to the Falls in the +afternoon calling for her at two. Then I placed myself unreservedly at +the disposal of the boys for the morning, it being distinctly +understood that they must not expect to see me between lunch and +dinner. I was first instructed to harness the goat, which order I +obeyed, and I afterward watched that grave animal as he drew my nephews +up and down the carriage-road, his countenance as demure as if he had +no idea of suddenly departing when my back should be turned. The wheels +of the goat carriage uttered the most heartrending noises I had ever +heard from ungreased axle; so I persuaded the boys to dismount, and +submit to the temporary unharnessing of the goat, while I should +lubricate the axles. Half an hour of dirty work sufficed, with such +assistance as I gained from juvenile advice, to accomplish the task +properly; then I put the horned steed into the shafts, Budge cracked +the whip, the carriage moved off without noise, and Toddie began to +weep bitterly. +</P> + +<P> +"Cawwidge is all bwoke," said he; "WHEELSH DON'T SING A BITTIE NO +MORE," while Budge remarked:— +</P> + +<P> +"I think the carriage sounds kind o' lonesome now, don't you, Uncle +Harry?" +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Harry," asked Budge, a little later in the morning, "do you know +what makes the thunder?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, Budge—when two clouds go bump into each other they make a good +deal of noise, and they call it thunder." +</P> + +<P> +"That ain't it at all," said Budge. "When it thundered yesterday it was +because the Lord was riding along through the sky and the wheels of his +carriage made an awful noise, an' that was the thunder." +</P> + +<P> +"Don't like nashty old 'funder," remarked Toddie. "It goesh into our +cellar an' makesh all ze milk sour—Maggie said so. An' so I can't hazh +no nice white tea for my brepspup." +</P> + +<P> +"I should think you'd like the Lord to go a ridin', Toddie, with all +the angels running after him," said Budge, "even if the thunder DOES +make the milk sour. And 'tis so splendid to SEE the thunder bang." +</P> + +<P> +"How do you see it, Budge?" I asked. +</P> + +<P> +"Why, don't you know when the thunder bangs, and then you see an awful +bright place in the sky?—that's where the Lord's carriage gives an +awful pound, and makes little cracks through the floor of heaven, an' +we see right in. But what's the reason we can't ever see anybody +through the cracks, Uncle Harry?" +</P> + +<P> +"I don't know—old fellow,—I guess it's because it isn't cracks in +heaven that look so bright,—it's a kind of fire that the Lord makes up +in the clouds. You'll know all about it when you get bigger." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, I'll feel awful sorry if 'tain't anything but fire. Do you know +that funny song my papa sings 'bout:— +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "'Roarin' thunders, lightenin's blazes,<BR> + Shout the great Creator's praises?'"<BR> +</P> + +<P> +I don't know zactly what it means, but I think it's kind o' splendid, +don't you?" +</P> + +<P> +I DID know the old song; I had heard it in a Western camp-meeting, when +scarcely older than Budge, and it left upon my mind just the effect it +seemed to have done on his. I blessed his sympathetic young heart, and +snatched him into my arms. Instantly he became all boy again. +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Harry," he shouted, "you crawl on your hands and knees and play +you was a horse, and I'll ride on your back." +</P> + +<P> +"No, thank you, Budge, not on the dirt." +</P> + +<P> +"Then let's play menagerie, an' you be all the animals." +</P> + +<P> +To this proposition I assented, and after hiding ourselves in one of +the retired angles of the house, so that no one could know who was +guilty of disturbing the peace by such dire noises, the performance +commenced. I was by turns a bear, a lion, a zebra, an elephant, dogs of +various kinds, and a cat. As I personated the latter-named animals, +Toddie echoed my voice. +</P> + +<P> +"Miauw! Miauw!" said he, "dat's what cats saysh when they goesh down +wells." +</P> + +<P> +"Faith, an' it's him that knows," remarked Mike, who had invited +himself to a free seat in the menagerie, and assisted in the applause +which had greeted each personation. +</P> + +<P> +"Would ye belave it, Misther Harry, dhat young dhivil got out the front +door one mornin' afore sunroise, all in his little noight-gown, an' +wint over to the doctor's an' picked up a kitten lyin' on the kitchen +door-mat, an' throwed it down dhe well. The docthor wasn't home, but +the missis saw him, an' her heart was dhat tindher that she hurried out +and throwed boords down for dhe poor little baste to stand on, an' let +down a hoe on a sthring, an' whin she got dhe poor little dhing out, +she was dhat faint that she dhrapped on dhe grass. An' it cost Mr. +Lawrence nigh onto thirty dollars to have dhe docthor's well claned +out." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," said Toddie, who had listened carefully to Mike's recital, "an' +kitty-kitty said, 'Miauw! Miauw!' when she goed down ze well. An' Mish +Doctor sed, 'Bad boy—go home—don't never tum to my housh no +more,'—dat's what she said to me. Now be some more animals, Ocken +Hawwy. Can't you be a whay-al?" +</P> + +<P> +"Whales don't make a noise, Toddie; they only splash about in the +water." +</P> + +<P> +"Zen grop in the cistern an' 'plash, can't you?" +</P> + +<P> +Lunch-time, and after it the time for Toddie to take his nap. Poor +Budge was bereft of a playmate, for the doctor's little girl was sick; +so he quietly followed me about with a wistful face, that almost +persuaded me to take him with me on my drive—OUR drive. Had he +grumbled, I would have felt less uncomfortable; but there's nothing so +touching and overpowering to either gods or men as the spectacle of +mute resignation. At last, to my great relief, he opened his mouth. +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Harry," said he, "do you 'spose folks ever get lonesome in +heaven?" +</P> + +<P> +"I guess not, Budge." +</P> + +<P> +"Do little boy-angels' papas an' mammas go off visitin', an' stay so +long?" +</P> + +<P> +"I don't exactly know, Budge, but if they do, the little boy-angels +have plenty of other little boy-angels to play with, so they can't very +well be lonesome." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, I don't b'leeve they could make ME happy, when I wanted to see +my papa an' mamma. When I haven't got anybody to play with, then I want +papa an' mamma SO bad—so bad as if I would die if I didn't see 'em +right away." +</P> + +<P> +I was shaving, and only half-done, but I hastily wiped off my face, +dropped into a rocking-chair, took the forlorn little boy into my arms, +and kissed him, caressed him, sympathized with him, and devoted myself +entirely to the task and pleasure of comforting him. His sober little +face gradually assumed a happier appearance; his lips parted in such +lines as no old master ever put upon angel lips; his eyes from being +dim and hopeless, grew warm and lustrous and melting. At last he said:— +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Harry, I'm EVER so happy now. An' can't Mike go around with me +and the goat all the time you're away riding? An' bring us home some +candy, an' marbles—oh, yes—an' a new dog." +</P> + +<P> +Anxious as I was to hurry off to meet my engagement, I was rather +disgusted as I unseated Budge and returned to my razor. So long as he +was lonesome and I was his only hope, words couldn't express his +devotion, but the moment he had, through my efforts, regained his +spirits, his only use for me was to ask further favors. Yet in trying +the poor boy, judicially, the evidence was more dangerous to humanity +in general than to Budge; it threw a great deal of light upon my own +peculiar theological puzzles, and almost convinced me that my duty was +to preach a new gospel. +</P> + +<P> +As I drove up to the steps of Mrs. Clarkson's boarding-house it seemed +to me a month had elapsed since last I was there, and this apparent +lapse of time was all that prevented my ascribing to miraculous +agencies the wonderful and delightful change that Alice's countenance +had undergone in two short days. Composure, quickness of perception, +the ability to guard one's self, are indications of character which are +particularly in place in the countenance of a young lady in society, +but when, without losing these, the face takes on the radiance born of +love and trust, the effect is indescribably charming—especially to the +eyes of the man who causes the change. Longer, more out-of-the-way +roads between Hillcrest and the Falls I venture to say were never known +than I drove over that afternoon, and my happy companion, who in other +days I had imagined might one day, by her decision, alertness and force +exceed the exploits of Lady Baker or Miss Tinne, never once asked if I +was sure we were on the right road. Only a single cloud came over her +brow, and of this I soon learned the cause. +</P> + +<P> +"Harry," said she, pressing closer to my side, and taking an appealing +tone, "do you love me well enough to endure something unpleasant for my +sake?" +</P> + +<P> +My answer was not verbally expressed, but its purport seemed to be +understood and accepted, for Alice continued:— +</P> + +<P> +"I wouldn't undo a bit of what's happened—I'm the happiest, proudest +woman in the world. But we HAVE been very hasty, for people who have +been mere acquaintances. And mother is dreadfully opposed to such +affairs—she is of the old style, you know." +</P> + +<P> +"It was all my fault," said I. "I'll apologize promptly and handsomely. +The time and agony which I didn't consume in laying siege to your heart +I'll devote to the task of gaining your mother's good graces." +</P> + +<P> +The look I received in reply to this remark would have richly repaid me +had my task been to conciliate as many mothers-in-law as Brigham Young +possesses. But her smile faded as she said:— +</P> + +<P> +"You don't know what a task you have before you. Mother has a very +tender heart, but it's thoroughly fenced in by proprieties. In her day +and set, courtship was a very slow, stately affair, and mother believes +it the proper way now; so do I, but I admit possible exceptions, and +mother doesn't. I'm afraid she won't be patient if she knows the whole +truth, yet I can't bear to keep it from her. I'm her only child, you +know." +</P> + +<P> +"DON'T keep it from her," said I, "unless for some reason of your own. +Let me tell the whole story, take all the responsibility, and accept +the penalties, if there are any. Your mother is right in principle, if +there IS a certain delightful exception that we know of." +</P> + +<P> +"My only fear is for YOU," said my darling, nestling closer to me. "She +comes of a family that can display most glorious indignation when +there's a good excuse for it, and I can't bear to think of YOU being +the cause of such an outbreak." +</P> + +<P> +"I've faced the ugliest of guns in honor of one form of love, little +girl," I replied, "and I could do even more for the sentiment for which +YOU'RE to blame. And for my own sake, I'd rather endure anything than a +sense of having deceived any one, especially the mother of such a +daughter. Besides, you're her dearest treasure, and she has a right to +know of even the least thing that in any way concerns you." +</P> + +<P> +"And you're a noble fellow, and—" Whatever other sentiment my +companion failed to put into words was impulsively and eloquently +communicated by her dear eyes. +</P> + +<P> +But oh, what a cowardly heart your dear cheek rested upon an instant +later, fair Alice! Not for the first time in my life did I shrink and +tremble at the realization of what duty imperatively required—not for +the first time did I go through a harder battle than was ever fought +with sword and cannon, and a battle with greater possibilities of +danger than the field ever offered. I won it, as a man must do in such +fights, if he deserves to live; but I could not help feeling +considerably sobered on our homeward drive. +</P> + +<P> +We neared the house, and I had an insane fancy that instead of driving +two horses I was astride of one, with spurs at my heels and a saber at +my side. +</P> + +<P> +"Let me talk to her NOW, Alice, won't you? Delays are only cowardly." +</P> + +<P> +A slight trembling at my side,—an instant of silence that seemed an +hour, yet within which I could count but six footfalls, and Alice +replied:— +</P> + +<P> +"Yes; if the parlor happens to be empty, I'll ask her if she won't go +in and see you a moment." Then there came a look full of tenderness, +wonder, painful solicitude, and then two dear eyes filled with tears. +</P> + +<P> +"We're nearly there, darling," said I, with a reassuring embrace. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, and you sha'n't be the only hero," said she, straightening +herself proudly, and looking a fit model for a Cenobia. +</P> + +<P> +As we passed from behind a clump of evergreens which hid the house from +our view, I involuntarily exclaimed, "Gracious!" Upon the piazza stood +Mrs. Mayton; at her side stood my two nephews, as dirty in face, in +clothing, as I had ever seen them. I don't know but that for a moment I +freely forgave them, for their presence might grant me the respite +which a sense of duty would not allow me to take. +</P> + +<P> +"Wezhe comed up to wide home wif you," exclaimed Toddie, as Mrs. Mayton +greeted me with an odd mixture of courtesy, curiosity and humor. Alice +led the way into the parlor whispered to her mother, and commenced to +make a rapid exit, when Mrs. Mayton called her back, and motioned her +to a chair. Alice and I exchanged sidelong glances. +</P> + +<P> +"Alice says you wish to speak with me, Mr. Burton," said she. "I wonder +whether the subject is one upon which I have this afternoon received a +minute verbal account from the elder Master Lawrence." +</P> + +<P> +"If you refer to an apparently unwarrantable intrusion upon your family +circle, Mrs.—" +</P> + +<P> +"I do, sir," replied the old lady. "Between the statements made by that +child, and the hitherto unaccountable change in my daughter's looks +during two or three days, I think I have got at the truth of the +matter. If the offender were any one else, I should be inclined to be +severe; but we mothers of only daughters are apt to have a pretty +distinct idea of the merits of young men, and—" +</P> + +<P> +The old lady dropped her head; I sprang to my feet, seized her hand, +and reverently kissed it; then Mrs. Mayton, whose only son had died +fifteen years before, raised her head and adopted me in the manner +peculiar to mothers, while Alice burst into tears and kissed us both. +</P> + +<P> +A few moments later, as three happy people were occupying conventional +attitudes, and trying to compose faces which should bear the inspection +of whoever might happen into the parlor, Mrs. Mayton observed:— +</P> + +<P> +"My children, between us this matter is understood, but I must caution +you against acting in such a way as to make the engagement public at +once." +</P> + +<P> +"Trust me for that," hastily exclaimed Alice. +</P> + +<P> +"And me," said I. +</P> + +<P> +"I have no doubt of the intentions and discretion of either of you," +resumed Mrs. Mayton, "but you cannot possibly be too cautious." Here a +loud laugh from the shrubbery under the windows drowned Mrs. Mayton's +voice for a moment, but she continued: "Servants, children,"—here she +smiled, and I dropped my head—"persons you may chance to meet—" +</P> + +<P> +Again the laugh broke forth under the window. +</P> + +<P> +"What CAN those girls be laughing at?" exclaimed Alice, moving toward +the window, followed by her mother and me. +</P> + +<P> +Seated in a semicircle on the grass were most of the ladies boarding at +Mrs. Clarkson's, and in front of them stood Toddie, in that high state +of excitement to which sympathetic applause always raises him. +</P> + +<P> +"Say it again," said one of the ladies. +</P> + +<P> +Toddie put on an expression of profound wisdom, made violent gestures +with both hands and repeated the following, with frequent +gesticulations:— +</P> + +<P CLASS="poem"> + "Azh wadiant azh ze matchless wose<BR> + Zat poeck-artuss fanshy;<BR> + Azh fair azh whituss lily-blowzh;<BR> + Azh moduss azh a panzhy;<BR> + Azh pure azh dew zat hides wiffin<BR> + Awwahwah's sun-tissed tsallish;<BR> + Azh tender azh ze pwimwose fweet<BR> + All zish, and moah, izh Alish."<BR> +</P> + +<P> +I gasped for breath. +</P> + +<P> +"Who taught you all that, Toddie?" asked one of the ladies. +</P> + +<P> +"Nobody didn't taught me—I lyned [Footnote: learned] it." +</P> + +<P> +"When did you learn it?" +</P> + +<P> +"Lyned it zish mornin'. Ocken Hawwy said it over, an' over, an' over, +djust yots of timezh, out in ze garden." +</P> + +<P> +The ladies all exchanged glances—my lady readers will understand just +how, and I assure gentlemen that I did not find their glances at all +hard to read. Alice looked at me inquiringly, and she now tells me that +I blushed sheepishly and guiltily. Poor Mrs. Mayton staggered to a +chair, and exclaimed:— +</P> + +<P> +"Too late! too late!" +</P> + +<P> +Considering their recent achievements, Toddie and Budge were a very +modest couple as I drove them home that evening. Budge even made some +attempt at apologizing for their appearance, saying that they couldn't +find Maggie, and COULDN'T wait any longer; but I assured him that no +apology was necessary. I was in such excellent spirits that my feeling +became contagious; and we sang songs, told stories, and played +ridiculous games most of the evening, paying but little attention to +the dinner that was set for us. +</P> + +<P> +"Uncle Harry," said Budge, suddenly, "do you know we haven't ever +sung,—'Drown old Pharaoh's Army Hallelujah,' since you've been here? +Let's do it now." "All right, old fellow." I knew the song—such as +there was of it—and its chorus, as EVERY one does who ever heard the +Jubilee Singers render it; but I scarcely understood the meaning of the +preparations which Budge made. He drew a large rocking-chair into the +middle of the room, and exclaimed:— +</P> + +<P> +"There, Uncle Harry—you sit down. Come along, Tod—you sit on that +knee, and I'll sit on this. Lift up both hands, Tod, like I do. Now +we're all ready, Uncle Harry." +</P> + +<P> +I sang the first line,— +</P> + +<P> +"When Israel was in bondage, they cried unto de Lord," without any +assistance, but the boys came in powerfully on the refrain, beating +time simultaneously with their four fists upon my chest. I cannot think +it strange that I suddenly ceased singing, but the boys viewed my +action from a different standpoint. +</P> + +<P> +"What makes you stop, Uncle Harry?" asked Budge. +</P> + +<P> +"Because you hurt me badly, my boy; you mustn't do that again." +</P> + +<P> +"Why, I guess you ain't very strong; that's the way we do to papa, an' +it don't hurt HIM." +</P> + +<P> +Poor Tom! No wonder he grows flat—chested. +</P> + +<P> +"Guesh you's a ky—baby," suggested Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +This imputation I bore with meekness, but ventured to remark that it +was bed-time. After allowing a few moments for the usual expressions of +dissent, I staggered up—stairs with Toddie in my arms, and Budge on my +back, both boys roaring in refrain of the negro hymn:— +</P> + +<P> +"I'm a rolling through an Unfriendly World." +</P> + +<P> +The offer of a stick of candy to whichever boy was first undressed, +caused some lively disrobing, after which each boy received the prize. +Budge bit a large piece, wedged it between his cheek and his teeth, +closed his eyes, folded his hands on his breast, and prayed:— +</P> + +<P> +"Dear Lord, bless papa an' mamma, an' Toddie an' me, an' that turtle +Uncle Harry found: and bless that lovely lady Uncle Harry goes riding +with an' make 'em take me too, an' bless that nice old lady with white +hair, that cried, and said I was a smart boy. Amen." +</P> + +<P> +Toddie sighed as he drew his stick of candy from his lips; then he shut +his eyes and remarked: +</P> + +<P> +"Dee Lord, blesh Toddie, an' make him good boy, an' blesh zem ladies +zat told me to say it aden;" the particular "it" referred to being well +understood by at least three adults of my acquaintances. +</P> + +<P> +The course of Budge's interview with Mrs. Mayton was afterward related +by that lady, as follows:—She was sitting in her own room (which was +on the parlor-floor, and in the rear of the house), and was leisurely +reading "Fated to be Free," when she accidentally dropped her glasses. +Stooping to pick them up, she became aware that she was not alone. A +small, very dirty, but good-featured boy stood before her, his hands +behind his back, and an inquiring look in his eyes. +</P> + +<P> +"Run away, little boy," said she. "Don't you know it isn't polite to +enter rooms without knocking?" +</P> + +<P> +"I'm lookin' for my uncle," said Budge, in most melodious accents, "an' +the other ladies said you would know when he would come back." +</P> + +<P> +"I'm afraid they were making fun of you—or me," said the old lady, a +little severely. "I don't know anything about little boys' uncles. Now +run away, and don't disturb me any more." +</P> + +<P> +"Well," continued Budge, "they said your little girl went with him, and +you'd know when SHE would come back." +</P> + +<P> +"I haven't any little girl," said the old lady, her indignation, at a +supposed joke, threatening to overcome her dignity. "Now, go away." +</P> + +<P> +"She isn't a VERY little girl," said Budge, honestly anxious to +conciliate; "that is, she's bigger'n <I>I</I> am, but they said you was her +mother, an' so she's you're little girl, isn't she? <I>I</I> think she's +lovely, too." +</P> + +<P> +"Do you mean Miss Mayton?" asked the lady, thinking she had a possible +clue to the cause of Budge's anxiety. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, yes—that's her name—I couldn't think of it," eagerly replied +Budge. "An' ain't she AWFUL nice?—<I>I</I> KNOW she is!" +</P> + +<P> +"Your judgment is quite correct, considering your age," said Mrs. +Mayton, exhibiting more interest in Budge than she had heretofore done. +"But what makes you think she is nice? You are rather younger than her +male admirers usually are." +</P> + +<P> +"Why, my Uncle Harry told me so," replied Budge, "an' HE knows +EVERYthing." +</P> + +<P> +Mrs. Mayton grew vigilant at once, and dropped her book. +</P> + +<P> +"Who IS your Uncle Harry, little boy?" +</P> + +<P> +"He's Uncle Harry; don't you know him? He can make nicer whistles than +my papa can. An' he found a turtle—" +</P> + +<P> +"Who is your papa?" interrupted the lady. +</P> + +<P> +"Why, he's papa—I thought everybody knew who HE was." +</P> + +<P> +"What is your name?" asked Mrs. Mayton. +</P> + +<P> +"John Burton Lawrence," promptly answered Budge. +</P> + +<P> +Mrs. Mayton wrinkled her brows for a moment, and finally asked:— +</P> + +<P> +"Is Mr. Burton the uncle you are looking for?" +</P> + +<P> +"I don't know any Mr. Burton," said Budge, a little dazed; "uncle is +mamma's brother, an' he's been livin' at our house ever since mamma an' +papa went off visitin', an' he goes ridin' in our carriage, an'—" +</P> + +<P> +"Humph!" remarked the lady, with so much emphasis that Budge ceased +talking. A moment later she said:— +</P> + +<P> +"I didn't mean to interrupt you, little boy; go on." +</P> + +<P> +"An' he rides with just the loveliest lady that ever was. HE thinks so, +an' <I>I</I> KNOW she is. An' he 'spects her." +</P> + +<P> +"What?" exclaimed the old lady. +</P> + +<P> +"—'Spects her, I say—that's what HE says. <I>I</I> say 'spects means just +what <I>I</I> call LOVE. Cos if it don't, what makes him give her hugs and +kisses?" +</P> + +<P> +Mrs. Mayton caught her breath, and did not reply for a moment. At last +she said:— +</P> + +<P> +"How do you know he—gives her hugs and kisses?" +</P> + +<P> +"Cos I saw him, the day Toddie hurt his finger in the grass-cutter. An' +he was so happy that be bought me a goat-carriage next morning—I'll +show it to you if you come down to our stable, an' I'll show you the +goat too. An' he bought—" +</P> + +<P> +Just here Budge stopped, for Mrs. Mayton put her handkerchief to her +eyes. Two or three moments later she felt a light touch on her knee, +and, wiping her eyes, saw Budge looking sympathetically into her face. +</P> + +<P> +"I'm awful sorry you feel bad," said he. +</P> + +<P> +"Are you 'fraid to have your little girl ridin' so long?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes!" exclaimed Mrs. Mayton, with great decision. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, you needn't be," said Budge, "for Uncle Harry's awful careful +an' smart." +</P> + +<P> +"He ought to be ashamed of himself!" exclaimed the lady. +</P> + +<P> +"I guess he is, then," said Budge, "cos he's ev'rything he ought to be. +He's awful careful. T'other day, when the goat ran away, an' Toddie an' +me got in the carriage with them, he held on to her tight, so she +couldn't fall out." +</P> + +<P> +Mrs. Mayton brought her foot down with a violent stamp. +</P> + +<P> +"I know you'd 'spect HIM, if you knew how nice he was," continued +Budge. "He sings awful funny songs, an' tells splendid stories." +</P> + +<P> +"Nonsense!" exclaimed the angry mother. +</P> + +<P> +"They ain't no nonsense at all," said Budge. "I don't think it's nice +for to say that, when his stories are always about Joseph, an' Abraham, +an' Moses, an' when Jesus was a little boy, an' the Hebrew children, +an' lots of people that the Lord loved. An' he's awful 'fectionate, +too." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, I suppose so," said Mrs. Mayton. +</P> + +<P> +"When we says our prayers we prays for the nice lady what he 'spects, +an' he likes us to do it," continued Budge. +</P> + +<P> +"How do you know?" demanded Mrs. Mayton. +</P> + +<P> +"Cos he always kisses us when we do it, an' that's what my papa does +when he likes what we pray." +</P> + +<P> +Mrs. Mayton's mind became absorbed in earnest thought, but Budge had +not said all that was in his heart. +</P> + +<P> +"An' when Toddie or me tumbles down an' hurts ourselves, 'tain't no +matter what Uncle Harry's doin' he runs right out an' picks us up an' +comforts us. He froed away a cigar the other day, he was in such a +hurry when a wasp stung me, an' Toddie picked the cigar up and ate it, +an' it made him AWFUL sick." +</P> + +<P> +The last-named incident did not affect Mrs. Mayton deeply, perhaps on +the score of inapplicability to the question before her. Budge went +on:— +</P> + +<P> +"An' wasn't he good to me today? Just cos I was forlorn, cos I hadn't +nobody to play with, an' wanted to die an' go to heaven, he stopped +shavin', so as to comfort me." +</P> + +<P> +Mrs. Mayton had been thinking rapidly and seriously, and her heart had +relented somewhat toward the principal offender. +</P> + +<P> +"Suppose," said she, "that I don't let my little girl go riding with +him any more?" +</P> + +<P> +"Then," said Budge, "I know he'll be awful, awful unhappy, an' I'll be +awful sorry for him, cos nice folks oughtn't to be made unhappy." +</P> + +<P> +"Suppose, then, that I DO let her go," said Mrs. Mayton. +</P> + +<P> +"Then I'll give you a whole stomachful of kisses for being so good to +my uncle," said Budge. And assuming that the latter course would be the +one adopted by Mrs. Mayton, Budge climbed into her lap and began at +once to make payment. +</P> + +<P> +"Bless your dear little heart!" exclaimed Mrs. Mayton; "you're of the +same blood, and it IS good, if it IS rather hasty." +</P> + +<P> +As I arose the next morning, I found a letter under my door. +Disappointed that it was not addressed in Alice's writing, I was +nevertheless glad to get a word from my sister, particularly as the +letter ran as follows:— +</P> + +<BR> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"JULY 1, 1875. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"DEAR OLD BROTHER,—I've been recalling a fortnight's experience WE +once had of courtship in a boarding-house, and I've determined to cut +short our visit here, hurry home, and give you and Alice a chance or +two to see each other in parlors where there won't be a likelihood of +the dozen or two interruptions you must suffer each evening now. Tom +agrees with me, like the obedient old darling that he is; so please +have the carriage at Hillcrest station for us at 11:40 Friday morning. +Invite Alice and her mother for me to dine with us Sunday,—we'll bring +them home from church with us. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"Lovingly, your sister, HELEN. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"P. S. Of course you'll have my darlings in the carriage to receive me. +</P> + +<P CLASS="letter"> +"P. P. S. WOULD it annoy you to move into the best guest-chamber?—I +can't bear to sleep where I can't have THEM within reach." +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +Friday morning they intended to arrive,—blessings on their thoughtful +hearts!—and THIS was Friday. I hurried into the boys' room, and +shouted:— +</P> + +<P> +"Toddie! Budge! who do you think is coming to see you this morning?" +</P> + +<P> +"Who?" asked Budge. +</P> + +<P> +"Organ-grinder?" queried Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"No, your papa and mamma." +</P> + +<P> +Budge looked like an angel in an instant, but Toddie's eyes twitched a +little, and he mournfully murmured:— +</P> + +<P> +"I fought it wash an organ-grinder." +</P> + +<P> +"O Uncle Harry!" said Budge, springing out of bed in a perfect delirium +of delight, "I believe if my papa an' mamma had stayed away any longer, +I believe I would DIE. I've been SO lonesome for 'em that I haven't +known what to do—I've cried whole pillowsful about it, right here in +the dark." +</P> + +<P> +"Why, my poor old fellow," said I, picking him up and kissing him, "why +didn't you come and tell Uncle Harry, and let him try to comfort you?" +</P> + +<P> +"I COULDN'T," said Budge; "when I gets lonesome, it feels as if my +mouth was all tied up, an' a great big stone was right in here." And +Budge put his hand on his chest. +</P> + +<P> +"If a big'tone wazh inshide of ME," said Toddie, "I'd take it out an' +frow it at the shickens." +</P> + +<P> +"Toddie," said I, "aren't you glad papa an' mamma are coming?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yesh," said Toddie, "I fink it'll be awfoo nish. Mamma always bwings +me candy fen she goes away anyfere." +</P> + +<P> +"Toddie, you're a mercenary wretch." +</P> + +<P> +"AIN'T a mernesary wetch; Izhe Toddie Yawncie." +</P> + +<P> +Toddie made none the less haste in dressing than his brother, however. +Candy was to him what some systems of theology are to their +adherents—not a very lofty motive of action but sweet, and something +he could fully understand; so the energy displayed in getting himself +tangled up in his clothes was something wonderful. +</P> + +<P> +"Stop, boys," said I, "you must have on clean clothes to-day. You don't +want your father and mother to see you all dirty, do you?" +</P> + +<P> +"Of course not," said Budge. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Izh I goin' to be djessed up all nicey?" asked Toddie. "Goody! +goody! goody!" +</P> + +<P> +I always thought my sister Helen had an undue amount of vanity, and +here it was reappearing in the second generation. +</P> + +<P> +"An' I wantsh my shoes made all nigger," said Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"What?" +</P> + +<P> +"Wantsh my shoesh made all nigger wif a bottle-bwush, too," said Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +I looked appealingly at Budge, who answered:— +</P> + +<P> +"He means he wants his shoes blacked, with the polish that's in a +bottle, an' you rub it on with a brush." +</P> + +<P> +"An' I wantsh a thath on," continued Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +"Sash, he means," said Budge. "He's awful proud." +</P> + +<P> +"An' Ize doin' to wear my takker-hat," said Toddie. "An' my wed djuvs." +</P> + +<P> +"That's his tassel-hat an' his red gloves," continued the interpreter. +</P> + +<P> +"Toddie, you can't wear gloves such hot days as these," said I. +</P> + +<P> +A look of inquiry was speedily followed by Toddie's own unmistakable +preparations for weeping; and as I did not want his eyes dimmed when +his mother looked into them I hastily exclaimed:— +</P> + +<P> +"Put them on, then—put on the mantle of rude Boreas, if you choose; +but don't go to crying." +</P> + +<P> +"Don't want no mantle-o'-wude-bawyusses," declared Toddie, following me +phonetically, "wantsh my own pitty cozhesh, an' nobody eshesh." +</P> + +<P> +"O Uncle Harry!" exclaimed Budge, "I want to bring mamma home in my +goat-carriage!" +</P> + +<P> +"The goat isn't strong enough, Budge, to draw mamma and you." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, then, let me drive down to the depot just to SHOW papa an' mamma +I've got a goat-carriage—I'm sure mamma would be very unhappy when she +found out I had one, and she hadn't seen it first thing." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, I guess you may follow me down, Budge, but you must drive very +carefully." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, yes—I wouldn't get us hurt when mamma was coming, for ANYthing." +"Now, boys," said I, "I want you to stay in the house and play this +morning. If you go out of doors you'll get yourselves dirty." +</P> + +<P> +"I guess the sun'll be disappointed if it don't have us to look at," +suggested Budge. +</P> + +<P> +"Never mind," said I, "the sun's old enough to have learned to be +patient." +</P> + +<P> +Breakfast over, the boys moved reluctantly away to the play-room, while +I inspected the house and grounds pretty closely, to see that +everything should at least fail to do my management discredit. A dollar +given to Mike and another to Maggie were of material assistance in this +work, so I felt free to adorn the parlors and Helen's chamber with +flowers. As I went into the latter room I heard some one at the +wash-stand, which was in the alcove, and on looking I saw Toddie +drinking the last of the contents of a goblet which contained a +dark-colored mixture. +</P> + +<P> +"Ize takin' black medshin," said Toddie; "I likes black medshin awfoo +muts." +</P> + +<P> +"What do you make it of?" I asked, with some sympathy, and tracing +parental influence again. When Helen and I were children we spent hours +in soaking liquorice in water and administering it as medicine. +</P> + +<P> +"Makesh it out of shoda mitsture," said Toddie. +</P> + +<P> +This was another medicine of our childhood days, but one prepared +according to physician's prescription, and not beneficial when taken ad +libitum. As I took the vial—a two-ounce one—I asked:— +</P> + +<P> +"How much did you take, Toddie?" +</P> + +<P> +"Took whole bottoo full—twas nysh," said he. +</P> + +<P> +Suddenly the label caught my eye—it read PAREGORIC. In a second I had +snatched a shawl, wrapped Toddie in it, tucked him under my arm, and +was on my way to the barn. In a moment more I was on one of the horses +and galloping furiously to the village, with Toddie under one arm, his +yellow curls streaming in the breeze. People came out and stared as +they did at John Gilpin, while one old farmer whom I met turned his +team about, whipped up furiously, and followed me, shouting "Stop +thief!" I afterward learned that he took me to be one of the abductors +of Charley Ross, with the lost child under my arm, and that visions of +the $20,000 reward floated before his eyes. In front of an apothecary's +I brought the horse suddenly upon his haunches, and dashed in, +exclaiming:— +</P> + +<P> +"Give this child a strong emetic—quick. He's swallowed poison!" +</P> + +<P> +The apothecary hurried to his prescription-desk, while a +motherly-looking Irish woman upon whom he had been waiting, exclaimed, +"Holy Mither! I'll run an' fetch Father O'Kelley," and hurried out. +Meanwhile Toddie, upon whom the medicine had not commenced to take +effect, had seized the apothecary's cat by the tail, which operation +resulted in a considerable vocal protest from that animal. +</P> + +<P> +The experiences of the next few moments were more pronounced and +revolutionary than pleasing to relate in detail. It is sufficient to +say that Toddie's weight was materially diminished, and that his +complexion was temporarily pallid. Father O'Kelley arrived at a brisk +run, and was honestly glad to find that his services were not required, +although I assured him that if Catholic baptism and a sprinkling of +holy water would improve Toddie's character, I thought there was excuse +for several applications. We rode quietly back to the house, and while +I was asking Maggie to try to coax Toddie into taking a nap, I heard +the patient remark to his brother:— +</P> + +<P> +"Budgie, down to the village I was a whay-al. I didn't froe up Djonah, +but I froed up a whole floor full of uvver fings." During the hour +which passed before it was time to start for the depot, my sole +attention was devoted to keeping the children from soiling their +clothes; but my success was so little, that I lost my temper entirely. +First they insisted upon playing on a part of the lawn which the sun +had not yet reached. Then, while I had gone into the house for a match +to light my cigar, Toddie had gone with his damp shoes into the middle +of the road, where the dust was ankle deep. Then they got upon their +hands and knees on the piazza and played bear. Each one wanted to pick +a bouquet for his mother, and Toddie took the precaution to smell every +flower he approached—an operation which caused him to get his nose +covered with lily-pollen, so that he looked like a badly used +prize-fighter. In one of their spasms of inaction, Budge asked:— +</P> + +<P> +"What makes some of the men in church have no hair on the tops of their +heads, Uncle Harry?" +</P> + +<P> +"Because," said I, pausing long enough to shake Toddie for trying to +get my watch out of my pocket, "because they have bad little boys to +bother them all the time, so their hair drops out." +</P> + +<P> +"I dess MY hairs is a-goin' to drop out pitty soon, then," remarked +Toddie, with an injured air. +</P> + +<P> +"Harness the horses, Mike," I shouted. +</P> + +<P> +"An' the goat, too," added Budge. +</P> + +<P> +Five minutes later I was seated in the carriage, or rather in Tom's +two-seated open wagon. "Mike," I shouted, "I forgot to tell Maggie to +have some lunch ready for the folks when they get here—run, tell her, +quick, won't you?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oye, oye, sur," said Mike, and off he went. +</P> + +<P> +"Are you all ready, boys?" I asked. +</P> + +<P> +"In a minute," said Budge; "soon as I fix this. Now," he continued, +getting into his seat, and taking the reins and whip, "go ahead." +</P> + +<P> +"Wait a moment, Budge—put down that whip, and don't touch the goat +with it once on the way. I'm going to drive very slowly—there's plenty +of time, and all you need to do is to hold your reins." +</P> + +<P> +"All right," said Budge, "but I like to look like mans when I drive." +</P> + +<P> +"You may do that when somebody can run beside you. Now!" +</P> + +<P> +The horses started at a gentle trot, and the goat followed very +closely. When within a minute of the depot, however, the train swept +in. I had intended to be on the platform to meet Tom and Helen, but my +watch was evidently slow. I gave the horses the whip, looked behind and +saw the boys were close upon me, and I was so near the platform when I +turned my head that nothing but the sharpest of turns saved me from a +severe accident. The noble animals saw the danger as quickly as I did, +however, and turned in marvelously small space; as they did so, I heard +two hard thumps upon the wooden wall of the little depot, heard also +two frightful howls, saw both my nephews considerably mixed up on the +platform, while the driver of the Bloom-Park stage growled in my ear:— +</P> + +<P> +"What in thunder did you let 'em hitch that goat to your axle-tree for?" +</P> + +<P> +I looked, and saw the man spoke with just cause. How the goat's head +and shoulders had maintained their normal connection during the last +minute of my drive, I leave for naturalists to explain. I had no time +to meditate on the matter just then, for the train had stopped. +Fortunately the children had struck on their heads, and the +Lawrence-Burton skull is a marvel of solidity. I set them upon their +feet, brushed them off with my hands, promised them all the candy they +could eat for a week, wiped their eyes, and hurried them to the other +side of the depot. Budge rushed at Tom, exclaiming:— +</P> + +<P> +"See my goat, papa!" +</P> + +<P> +Helen opened her arms, and Toddie threw himself into them, sobbing:— +</P> + +<P> +"Mam—MA! shing 'Toddie one-boy-day!'" +</P> + +<P> +How uncomfortable a man CAN feel in the society of a dearly-loved +sister and an incomparable brother-in-law I never imagined until that +short drive. Helen was somewhat concerned about the children, but she +found time to look at me with so much of sympathy, humor, affection, +and condescension that I really felt relieved when we reached the +house. I hastily retired to my own room, but before I had shut the door +Helen was with me, and her arms were about my neck; before the dear old +girl removed them we had grown far nearer to each other than we had +ever been before. +</P> + +<P> +And how gloriously the rest of the day passed off. We had a delightful +little lunch, and Tom brought up a bottle of Roederer, and Helen didn't +remonstrate when he insisted on its being drank from her finest +glasses, and there were toasts drank to "Her" and "Her Mother," and to +the Benedict that was to be. And then Helen proposed "the makers of the +match—Budge and Toddie!" which was honored with bumpers. The gentlemen +toasted did not respond, but they stared so curiously that I sprang +from my chair and kissed them soundly, upon which Tom and Helen +exchanged significant glances. +</P> + +<P> +Then Helen walked down to Mrs. Clarkson's boarding-house, all for the +purpose of showing a lady there with a skirt to make over just how she +had seen a similar garment rearranged exquisitely. And Alice strolled +down to the gate with her to say good-by; and they had so much to talk +about that Helen walked Alice nearly to our house, and then insisted on +her coming the rest of the way so she might be driven home. And then +Mike was sent back with a note to say to Mrs. Mayton that her daughter +had been prevailed upon to stay to evening dinner, but would be sent +home under capable escort. And after dinner was over and the children +put to bed, Tom groaned that he MUST attend a road-board meeting, and +Helen begged us to excuse her just a minute while she ran into the +doctor's to ask how poor Mrs. Brown had been doing, and she consumed +three hours and twenty-five minutes in asking, bless her sympathetic +soul! +</P> + +<P> +The dreaded ending of my vacation did not cause me as many pangs as I +had expected. Helen wanted to know one evening why, if her poor, dear +Tom could go back and forth to the city to business every day, her lazy +big brother couldn't go back and forth to Hillcrest daily, if she were +to want him as a boarder for the remainder of the season. Although I +had for years inveighed against the folly of cultivated people leaving +the city to find residences, Helen's argument was unanswerable and I +submitted. I did even more; I purchased a lovely bit of ground (though +the deed stands in Tom's name for the present), and Tom has brought up +several plans of cottage-houses, and every evening they are spread on +the dining-room table, and there gather round them four people, among +whom are a white-goods salesman, and a young lady with the brightest of +eyes and cheeks full of roses and lilies. This latter-named personage +has her own opinions of the merits of all plans suggested, and insisted +that whatever plan IS adopted MUST have a lovely room to be set apart +as the exclusive property of Helen's boys. Young as these gentlemen are +I find frequent occasions to be frightfully jealous of them, but they +are unmoved by either my frowns or persuasions—artifice alone is able +to prevent their monopolizing the time of an adorable being of whose +society I cannot possibly have too much. She insists that when the +ceremony takes place in December, they shall officiate as groomsmen, +and I have not the slightest doubt that she will carry her point. In +fact, I confess to frequent affectionate advances toward them myself, +and when I retire without first seeking their room and putting a +grateful kiss upon their unconscious lips, my conscience upbraids me +with base ingratitude. To think I might yet be a hopeless bachelor had +it not been for them, is to overflow with thankfulness to the giver of +HELEN'S BABIES. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<P CLASS="finis"> +THE END. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR><BR> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Helen's Babies, by John Habberton + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HELEN'S BABIES *** + +***** This file should be named 4281-h.htm or 4281-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/4/2/8/4281/ + +Produced by Robert Rowe, Charles Franks and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Helen's Babies + +Author: John Habberton + +Posting Date: July 9, 2009 [EBook #4281] +Release Date: July, 2003 +First Posted: December 30, 2001 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HELEN'S BABIES *** + + + + +Produced by Robert Rowe, Charles Franks and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. HTML version by Al Haines. + + + + + + + + + +HELEN'S BABIES + +With some account of their ways, innocent, crafty, angelic, impish, +witching and impulsive; also a partial record of their actions during +ten days of their existence + +By JOHN HABBERTON + + + +The first cause, so far as it can be determined, of the existence of +this book may be found in the following letter, written by my only +married sister, and received by me, Harry Burton, salesman of white +goods, bachelor, aged twenty-eight, and received just as I was trying +to decide where I should Spend a fortnight's vacation:-- + + + +"HILLCREST, June 15, 1875. + +"DEAR HARRY:--Remembering that you are always complaining that you +never have a chance to read, and knowing that you won't get it this +summer, if you spend your vacation among people of your own set, I +write to ask you to come up here. I admit that I am not wholly +disinterested in inviting you. The truth is, Tom and I are invited to +spend a fortnight with my old schoolmate, Alice Wayne, who, you know, +is the dearest girl in the world, though you DIDN'T obey me and marry +her before Frank Wayne appeared. Well, we're dying to go, for Alice and +Frank live in splendid style; but as they haven't included our children +in their invitation, and have no children of their own, we must leave +Budge and Toddie at home. I've no doubt they'll be perfectly safe, for +my girl is a jewel, and devoted to the children, but I would feel a +great deal easier if there was a man in the house. Besides, there's the +silver, and burglars are less likely to break into a house where +there's a savage-looking man. (Never mind about thanking me for the +compliment.) If YOU'LL only come up, my mind will be completely at +rest. The children won't give you the slightest trouble; they're the +best children in the world--everybody says so. + +"Tom has plenty of cigars, I know, for the money I should have had for +a new suit went to pay his cigar-man. He has some new claret, too, that +HE goes into ecstasies over, though _I_ can't tell it from the vilest +black ink, except by the color. Our horses are in splendid condition, +and so is the garden--you see I don't forget your old passion for +flowers. And, last and best, there never were so many handsome girls at +Hillcrest as there are among the summer boarders already here; the +girls you already are acquainted with here will see that you meet all +the newer acquisitions. + +"Reply by telegraph right away. + +"Of course you'll say 'Yes.' + +"In great haste, your loving + +"SISTER HELEN. + +P. S. You shall have our own chamber; it catches every breeze, and +commands the finest views. The children's room communicates with it; +so, if anything SHOULD happen to the darlings at night, you'd be sure +to hear them." + + +"Just the thing!" I ejaculated. Five minutes later I had telegraphed +Helen my acceptance of her invitation, and had mentally selected books +enough to busy me during a dozen vacations. Without sharing Helen's +belief that her boys were the best ones in the world, I knew them well +enough to feel assured that they would not give me any annoyance. There +were two of them, since Baby Phil died last fall; Budge, the elder, was +five years of age, and had generally, during my flying visits to Helen, +worn a shy, serious, meditative, noble face, with great, pure, +penetrating eyes, that made me almost fear their stare. Tom declared he +was a born philanthropist or prophet, and Helen made so free with Miss +Muloch's lines as to sing:-- + + "Ah, the day that THOU goest a-wooing, + Budgie, my boy!" + +Toddie had seen but three summers, and was a happy little know-nothing, +with a head full of tangled yellow hair, and a very pretty fancy for +finding out sunbeams and dancing in them. I had long envied Tom his +horses, his garden, his house and his location, and the idea of +controlling them for a fortnight was particularly delightful. Tom's +taste in cigars and claret I had always respected, while the lady +inhabitants of Hillcrest were, according to my memory, much like those +of every other suburban village, the fairest of their sex. + +Three days later I made the hour and a half trip between New York and +Hillcrest, and hired a hackman to drive me over to Tom's. Half a mile +from my brother-in-law's residence, our horses shied violently, and the +driver, after talking freely to them, turned to me and remarked:-- + +"That was one of the 'Imps.'" + +"What was?" I asked. + +"That little cuss that scared the hosses. There he is, now, holdin' up +that piece of brushwood. 'Twould be just like his cheek, now, to ask me +to let him ride. Here he comes, runnin'. Wonder where t'other is?--they +most generally travel together. We call 'em the Imps, about these +parts, because they're so uncommon likely at mischief. Always skeerin' +hosses, or chasin' cows, or frightenin' chickens. Nice enough father +an' mother, too--queer, how young ones do turn out." + +As he spoke, the offending youth came panting beside our carriage, and +in a very dirty sailor-suit, and under a broad-brimmed straw hat, with +one stocking about his ankle, and two shoes, averaging about two +buttons each, I recognized my nephew, Budge! About the same time there +emerged from the bushes by the roadside a smaller boy in a green +gingham dress, a ruffle which might once have been white, dirty +stockings, blue slippers worn through at the toes, and an old-fashioned +straw-turban. Thrusting into the dust of the road a branch from a bush, +and shouting, "Here's my grass-cutter!" he ran toward us enveloped in a +"pillar of cloud," which might have served the purpose of Israel in +Egypt. When he paused and the dust had somewhat subsided, I beheld the +unmistakable lineaments of the child Toddie! + +"They're--my nephews," I gasped. + +"What!" exclaimed the driver. "By gracious! I forgot you were going to +Colonel Lawrence's! I didn't tell anything but the truth about 'em, +though; they're smart enough, an' good enough, as boys go; but they'll +never die of the complaint that children has in Sunday-school books." + +"Budge," said I, with all the sternness I could command, "do you know +me?" + +The searching eyes of the embryo prophet and philanthropist scanned me +for a moment, then their owner replied:-- + +"Yes; you're Uncle Harry. Did you bring us anything?" + +"Bring us anything?" echoed Toddie. + +"I wish I could have brought you some big whippings," said I, with +great severity of manner, "for behaving so badly. Get into this +carriage." + +"Come on, Tod," shouted Budge, although Toddie's farther ear was not a +yard from Budge's mouth. "Uncle Harry's going to take us riding!" + +"Going to take us riding!" echoed Toddie, with the air of one in a +reverie; both the echo and the reverie I soon learned were +characteristics of Toddie. + +As they clambered into the carriage I noticed that each one carried a +very dirty towel, knotted in the center into what is known as a +slip-noose knot, drawn very tight. After some moments of disgusted +contemplation of these rags, without being in the least able to +comprehend their purpose, I asked Budge what those towels were for. + +"They're not towels--they're dollies," promptly answered my nephew. + +"Goodness!" I exclaimed. "I should think your mother could buy you +respectable dolls, and not let you appear in public with those +loathsome rags." + +"We don't like buyed dollies," explained Budge. "These dollies is +lovely; mine's name is Mary, an' Toddie's is Marfa." + +"Marfa?" I queried. + +"Yes; don't you know about + + "Marfa and Mary's jus' gone along + To ring dem charmin' bells, + +that them Jubilee sings about?" + +"Oh, Martha, you mean?" + +"Yes, Marfa--that's what I say. Toddie's dolly's got brown eyes, an' my +dolly's got blue eyes." + +"I want to shee yours watch," remarked Toddie, snatching at my chain, +and rolling into my lap. + +"Oh--oo--ee, so do I," shouted Budge, hastening to occupy one knee, and +IN TRANSITU wiping his shoes on my trousers and the skirts of my coat. +Each imp put an arm about me to steady himself, as I produced my +three-hundred-dollar time-keeper and showed them the dial. + +"I want to see the wheels go round," said Budge. + +"Want to shee wheels go wound," echoed Toddie. + +"No; I can't open my watch where there's so much dust," I said. + +"What for?" inquired Budge. + +"Want to shee the wheels go wound," repeated Toddie. + +"The dust gets inside the watch and spoils it," I explained. + +"Want to shee the wheels go wound," said Toddie, once more. + +"I tell you I can't, Toddie," said I, with considerable asperity. "Dust +spoils watches." + +The innocent gray eyes looked up wonderingly, the dirty, but pretty +lips parted slightly, and Toddie murmured:-- + +"Want to shee the wheels go wound." + +I abruptly closed my watch and put it into my pocket. Instantly +Toddie's lower lip commenced to turn outward, and continued to do so +until I seriously feared the bony portion of his chin would be exposed +to view. Then his lower jaw dropped, and he cried:-- + +"Ah--h--h--h--h--h--want--to--shee--the wheels--go wou--OUND." + +"Charles" (Charles is his baptismal name),--"Charles," I exclaimed with +some anger, "stop that noise this instant! Do you hear me?" + +"Yes--oo--oo--oo--ahoo--ahoo." + +"Then stop it." + +"Wants to shee--" + +"Toddie, I've got some candy in my trunk, but I won't give you a bit if +you don't stop that infernal noise." + +"Well, I wants to shee wheels go wound. Ah--ah--h--h--h--h!" + +"Toddie, dear, don't cry so. Here's some ladies coming in a carriage; +you wouldn't let THEM see you crying, would you? You shall see the +wheels go round as soon as we get home." + +A carriage containing a couple of ladies was rapidly approaching, as +Toddie again raised his voice. + +"Ah--h--h--wants to shee wheels--" + +Madly I snatched my watch from my pocket, opened the case, and exposed +the works to view. The other carriage was meeting ours, and I dropped +my head to avoid meeting the glance of the unknown occupants, for my +few moments of contact with my dreadful nephews had made me feel +inexpressibly unneat. Suddenly the carriage with the ladies stopped. I +heard my own name spoken, and raising my head quickly (encountering +Budge's bullet head EN ROUTE to the serious disarrangement of my hat), +I looked into the other carriage. There, erect, fresh, neat, composed, +bright-eyed, fair-faced, smiling and observant,--she would have been +all this, even if the angel of the resurrection had just sounded his +dreadful trump,--sat Miss Alice Mayton, a lady who, for about a year, I +had been adoring from afar. + +"When did YOU arrive, Mr. Burton?" she asked, "and how long have you +been officiating as child's companion? You're certainly a happy-looking +trio--so unconventional. I hate to see children all dressed up and +stiff as little manikins, when they go out to ride. And you look as if +you had been having SUCH a good time with them." + +"I--I assure you, Miss Mayton," said I, "that my experience has been +the exact reverse of a pleasant one. If King Herod were yet alive I'd +volunteer as an executioner, and engage to deliver two interesting +corpses at a moment's notice." + +"You dreadful wretch!" exclaimed the lady. "Mother, let me make you +acquainted with Mr. Burton,--Helen Lawrence's brother. How is your +sister, Mr. Burton?" + +"I don't know," I replied; "she has gone with her husband on a +fortnight's visit to Captain and Mrs. Wayne, and I've been silly enough +to promise to have an eye to the place while they're away." + +"Why, how delightful!" exclaimed Miss Mayton. "SUCH horses! SUCH +flowers! SUCH a cook!" + +"And such children," said I, glaring suggestively at the imps, and +rescuing from Toddie a handkerchief which he had extracted from my +pocket, and was waving to the breeze. + +"Why, they're the best children in the world. Helen told me so the +first time I met her this season! Children will be children, you know. +We had three little cousins with us last summer, and I'm sure they made +me look years older than I really am." + +"How young you must be, then, Miss Mayton!" said I. I suppose I looked +at her as if I meant what I said, for, although she inclined her head +and said, "Oh, thank you," she didn't seem to turn my compliment off in +her usual invulnerable style. Nothing happening in the course of +conversation ever discomposed Alice Mayton for more than a hundred +seconds, however, so she soon recovered her usual expression and +self-command, as her next remark fully indicated. + +"I believe you arranged the floral decorations at the St. Zephaniah's +Fair, last winter, Mr. Burton? 'Twas the most tasteful display of the +season. I don't wish to give any hints, but at Mrs. Clarkson's, where +we're boarding, there's not a flower in the whole garden. I break the +Tenth Commandment dreadfully every time I pass Colonel Lawrence's +garden. Good-by, Mr. Burton." + +"Ah, thank you; I shall be delighted. Good-by." + +"Of course you'll call," said Miss Mayton, as her carriage +started,--"it's dreadfully stupid here--no men except on Sundays." + +I bowed assent. In the contemplation of all the shy possibilities which +my short chat with Miss Mayton had suggested, I had quite forgotten my +dusty clothing and the two living causes thereof. While in Miss +Mayton's presence the imps had preserved perfect silence, but now their +tongues were loosened. + +"Uncle Harry," said Budge, "do you know how to make whistles?" + +"Ucken Hawwy," murmured Toddie, "does you love dat lady?" + +"No, Toddie, of course not." + +"Then you's baddy man, an' de Lord won't let you go to heaven if you +don't love peoples." + +"Yes, Budge," I answered hastily, "I do know how to make whistles, and +you shall have one." + +"Lord don't like mans what don't love peoples," reiterated Toddie. + +"All right, Toddie," said I. "I'll see if I can't please the Lord some +way. Driver, whip up, won't you? I'm in a hurry to turn these +youngsters over to the girl, and ask her to drop them into the +bath-tub." + +I found Helen had made every possible arrangement for my comfort. Her +room commanded exquisite views of mountain-slope and valley, and even +the fact that the imps' bedroom adjoined mine gave me comfort, for I +thought of the pleasure of contemplating them while they were asleep, +and beyond the power of tormenting their deluded uncle. + +At the supper-table Budge and Toddie appeared cleanly clothed in their +rightful faces. Budge seated himself at the table; Toddie pushed back +his high-chair, climbed into it, and shouted: + +"Put my legs under ze tabo." + +Rightfully construing this remark as a request to be moved to the +table, I fulfilled his desire. The girl poured tea for me and milk for +the children, and retired; and then I remembered, to my dismay, that +Helen never had a servant in the dining-room except upon grand +occasions, her idea being that servants retail to their friends the +cream of the private conversation of the family circle. In principle I +agreed with her, but the penalty of the practical application, with +these two little cormorants on my hands, was greater suffering than any +I had ever been called upon to endure for principle's sake; but there +was no help for it. I resignedly rapped on the table, bowed my head, +said, "From what we are about to receive, the Lord make us thankful," +and asked Budge whether he ate bread or biscuit. + +"Why, we ain't asked no blessin' yet," said he. + +"Yes, I did, Budge," said I. "Didn't you hear me?" + +"Do you mean what you said just now?" + +"Yes." + +"Oh, I don't think that was no blessin' at all. Papa never says that +kind of a blessin'." + +"What does papa say, may I ask?" I inquired, with becoming meekness. + +"Why, papa says, 'Our Father, we thank thee for this food; mercifully +remember with us all the hungry and needy to-day, for Christ's sake, +Amen.' That's what he says." + +"It means the same thing, Budge." + +"_I_ don't think it does; and Toddie didn't have no time to say HIS +blessin'. I don't think the Lord'll like it if you do it that way." + +"Yes, he will, old boy; he knows what people mean." + +"Well, how can he tell what Toddie means if Toddie can't say anything?" + +"Wantsh to shay my blessin'," whined Toddie. + +It was enough; my single encounter with Toddie had taught me to respect +the young gentleman's force of character. So again I bowed my head, and +repeated what Budge had reported as "papa's blessin'," Budge kindly +prompting me where my memory failed. The moment I began, Toddie +commenced to jabber rapidly and aloud, and the instant the "Amen" was +pronounced he raised his head and remarked with evident satisfaction:-- + +"I shed my blessin' TWO timesh." + +And Budge said gravely:-- + +"NOW I guess we are all right." + +The supper was an exquisite one, but the appetites of those dreadful +children effectually prevented my enjoying the repast. I hastily +retired, called the girl, and instructed, her to see that the children +had enough to eat, and were put to bed immediately after; then I lit a +cigar and strolled into the garden. The roses were just in bloom, the +air was full of the perfume of honeysuckles, the rhododendrons had not +disappeared, while I saw promise of the early unfolding of many other +pet flowers of mine. I confess that I took a careful survey of the +garden to see how fine a bouquet I might make for Miss Mayton, and was +so abundantly satisfied with the material before me that I longed to +begin the work at once, but that it would seem too hasty for true +gentility. So I paced the paths, my hands behind my back, and my face +well hidden by fragrant clouds of smoke, and went into wondering and +reveries. I wondered if there was any sense in the language of flowers, +of which I had occasionally seen mention made by silly writers; I +wished I had learned it if it had any meaning; I wondered if Miss +Mayton understood it. At any rate, I fancied I could arrange flowers to +the taste of any lady whose face I had ever seen; and for Alice Mayton +I would make something so superb that her face could not help lighting +up when she beheld it. I imagined just how her bluish-gray eyes would +brighten, her cheeks would redden,--not with sentiment, not a bit of +it; but with genuine pleasure,--how her strong lips would part slightly +and disclose sweet lines not displayed when she held her features well +in hand. I--I, a clear-headed, driving, successful salesman of white +goods--actually wished I might be divested of all nineteenth-century +abilities and characteristics, and be one of those fairies that only +silly girls and crazy poets think of, and might, unseen, behold the +meeting of my flowers with this highly cultivated specimen of the only +sort of flowers our cities produce. What flower did she most resemble? +A lily?--no; too--not exactly too bold, but too--too, well, I couldn't +think of the word, but clearly it wasn't bold. A rose! Certainly, not +like those glorious but blazing remontants, nor yet like the shy, +delicate, ethereal tea-roses with their tender suggestions of color. +Like this perfect Gloire de Dijon, perhaps; strong, vigorous, +self-asserting, among its more delicate sisterhood; yet shapely, +perfect in outline and development, exquisite, enchanting in its never +fully-analyzed tints, yet compelling the admiration of every one, and +recalling its admirers again and again by the unspoken appeal of its +own perfection--its unvarying radiance. + +"Ah--h--h--h--ee--ee--ee--ee--ee--oo--oo--oo--oo" came from the window +over my head. Then came a shout of--"Uncle Harry!" in a voice I +recognized as that of Budge. I made no reply: there are moments when +the soul is full of utterances unfit to be heard by childish ears. +"Uncle Har-RAY!" repeated Budge. Then I heard a window-blind open, and +Budge exclaiming:-- + +"Uncle Harry, we want you to come and tell us stories." + +I turned my eyes upward quickly, and was about to send a savage +negative in the same direction, when I saw in the window a face unknown +and yet remembered. Could those great, wistful eyes, that angelic +mouth, that spiritual expression, belong to my nephew Budge? Yes, it +must be--certainly that super-celestial nose and those enormous ears +never belonged to any one else. I turned abruptly, and entered the +house, and was received at the head of the stairway by two little +figures in white, the larger of which remarked:-- + +"We want you tell us stories--papa always does nights." + +"Very well, jump into bed--what kind of stories do you like?" + +"Oh, 'bout Jonah," said Budge. + +"'Bout Jonah," echoed Toddie. + +"Well, Jonah was out in the sun one day and a gourd-vine grew up all of +a sudden, and made it nice and shady for him, and then it all faded as +quick as it came." + +A dead silence prevailed for a moment, and then Budge indignantly +remarked:-- + + "That ain't Jonah a bit--_I_ know 'bout Jonah." + +"Oh, you do, do you?" said I. "Then maybe you'll be so good as to +enlighten me?" + +"Huh?" + +"If you know about Jonah, tell me the story; I'd really enjoy listening +to it." + +"Well," said Budge, "once upon a time the Lord told Jonah to go to +Nineveh and tell the people they was all bad. But Jonah didn't want to +go, so he went on a boat that was going to Joppa. And then there was a +big storm, an' it rained an' blowed and the big waves went as high as a +house. An' the sailors thought there must be somebody on the boat that +the Lord didn't like. An' Jonah said he guessed HE was the man. So they +picked him up and froed him in the ocean, an' I don't think it was well +for 'em to do that after Jonah told the troof. An' a big whale was +comin' along, and he was awful hungry, cos the little fishes what he +likes to eat all went down to the bottom of the ocean when it began to +storm, and whales can't go to the bottom of the ocean, cos they have to +come up to breeve, an' little fishes don't. An' Jonah found 'twas all +dark inside the whale, and there wasn't any fire there, an' it was all +wet, and he couldn't take off his clothes to dry, cos there wasn't no +place to hang 'em, an' there wasn't no windows to look out of, nor +nothin' to eat, nor nothin' nor nothin' nor nothin.' So he asked the +Lord to let Mm out, an' the Lord was sorry for him, an' he made the +whale go up close to the land, an' Jonah jumped right out of his mouth, +an' WASN'T he glad? An' then he went to Nineveh, an' done what the Lord +told him to, and he ought to have done it in the first place if he had +known what was good for him." + +"Done first payshe, know what's dood for him," asserted Toddie, in +support of his brother's assertion. "Tell us 'nudder story." + +"Oh, no, sing us a song," suggested Budge. + +"Shing us shong," echoed Toddie. + +I searched my mind for a song, but the only one which came promptly was +"M'Appari," several bars of which I gave my juvenile audience, when +Budge interrupted me, saying:-- + +"I don't think that's a very good song." + +"Why not, Budge?" + +"Cos I don't. I don't know a word what you're talking 'bout." + +"Shing 'bout 'Glory, glory, hallelulyah,'" suggested Toddie, and I +meekly obeyed. The old air has a wonderful influence over me. I heard +it in western camp-meetings and negro-cabins when I was a boy; I saw +the 22d Massachusetts march down Broadway, singing the same air during +the rush to the front during the early days of the war; I have heard it +sung by warrior tongues in nearly every Southern State; I heard it +roared by three hundred good old Hunker Democrats as they escorted New +York's first colored regiment to their place of embarkation; my old +brigade sang it softly, but with a swing that was terrible in its +earnestness, as they lay behind their stacks of arms just before going +to action; I have heard it played over the grave of many a dead +comrade; the semi-mutinous--the cavalry became peaceful and patriotic +again as their band-master played the old air after having asked +permission to try HIS hand on them; it is the same that burst forth +spontaneously in our barracks, on that glorious morning when we learned +that the war was over, and it was sung, with words adapted to the +occasion, by some good rebel friends of mine, on our first social +meeting after the war. All these recollections came hurrying into my +mind as I sang, and probably excited me beyond my knowledge, for Budge +suddenly remarked:-- + +"Don't sing that all day, Uncle Harry; you sing so loud, it hurts my +head." + +"Beg your pardon, Budge," said I. "Good-night." + +"Why, Uncle Harry, are you going? You didn't hear us say our +prayers,--papa always does." + +"Oh! Well, go ahead." + +"You must say yours first," said Budge; "that's the way papa does." + +"Very well," said I, and I repeated St. Chrysostom's prayer, from the +Episcopal service. I had hardly said "Amen," when Budge remarked:-- + +"My papa don't say any of them things at all; I don't think that's a +very good prayer." + +"Well, you say a good prayer, Budge." + +"Allright." Budge shut his eyes, dropped his voice to the most perfect +tone of supplication, while his face seemed fit for a sleeping angel, +then he said:-- + +"Dear Lord, we thank you for lettin' us have a good time to-day, an' we +hope all the little boys everywhere have had good times too. We pray +you to take care of us an' everybody else to-night, an' don't let 'em +have any trouble. Oh, yes, an' Uncle Harry's got some candy in his +trunk, cos he said so in the carriage,--we thank you for lettin' Uncle +Harry come to see us, an' we hope he's got LOTS of candy--lots an' +piles. An' we pray you to take good care of all the poor little boys +and girls that haven't got any papas an' mammas an' Uncle Harrys an' +candy an' beds to sleep in. An' take us all to Heaven when we die, for +Christ's sake. Amen. Now give us the candy, Uncle Harry." + +"Hush, Budge; don't Toddie say any prayers?" + +"Oh yes; go on, Tod." + +Toddie closed his eyes, wriggled, twisted, breathed hard and quick, +acting generally as if prayers were principally a matter of physical +exertion. At last he began:-- + +"Dee Lord, not make me sho bad, an' besh mamma, an' papa, an' Budgie, +and doppity, [Footnote: Grandmother.] an' both boggies, [Footnote: +Grandfathers.] an' all good people in dish house, and everybody else, +an' my dolly. A--a--amen!" + +"Now give us the candy," said Budge, with the usual echo from Toddie. + +I hastily extracted the candy from my trunk, gave some to each boy, the +recipients fairly shrieking with delight, and once more said good-night. + +"Oh, you didn't give us any pennies," said Budge. "Papa gives us some +to put in our banks, every nights." + +"Well, I haven't got any now--wait until to-morrow." + +"Then we want drinks." + +"I'll let Maggie bring you drink." + +"Want my dolly," murmured Toddie. + +I found the knotted towels, took the dirty things up gingerly and threw +them upon the bed. + +"Now want to shee wheels go wound," said Toddie. + +I hurried out of the room and slammed the door. I looked at my +watch--it was half-past eight; I had spent an hour and a half with +those dreadful children. They WERE funny to be sure--I found myself +laughing in spite of my indignation. Still, if they were to monopolize +my time as they had already done, when was I to do my reading? Taking +Fiske's "Cosmic Philosophy" from my trunk I descended to the back +parlor, lit a cigar and a student-lamp, and began to read. I had not +fairly commenced when I heard a patter of small feet, and saw my elder +nephew before me. There was sorrowful protestation in every line of his +countenance, as he exclaimed:-- + +"You didn't say 'Good-by' nor 'God bless you' nor anything." + +"Oh--good-by." + +"Good-by." + +"God bless you." + +"God bless you." + +Budge seemed waiting for something else. At last he said:-- + +"Papa says, 'God bless everybody.'" + +"Well, God bless everybody." + +"God bless everybody," responded Budge, and turned silently and went +up-stairs. + +"Bless your tormenting honest little heart," I said to myself; "if men +trusted God as you do your papa, how little business there'd be for +preachers to do." + +The night was a perfect one. The pure fresh air, the perfume of the +flowers, the music of the insect choir in the trees and shrubbery--the +very season itself seemed to forbid my reading philosophy, so I laid +Fiske aside, delighted myself with a few rare bits from Paul Hayne's +new volume of poems, read a few chapters of "One Summer," and finally +sauntered off to bed. My nephews were slumbering sweetly; it seemed +impossible that the pure, exquisite, angelic faces before me belonged +to my tormentors of a few hours before. As I lay on my couch I could +see the dark shadow and rugged crest of the mountain; above it, the +silver stars against the blue, and below it the rival lights of the +fireflies against the dark background formed by the mountain itself. No +rumbling of wheels tormented me, nor any of the thousand noises that +fill city air with the spirit of unrest, and I fell into a wonder +almost indignant that sensible, comfortable, loving beings could live +in horrible New York, while such delightful rural homes were so near at +hand. Then Alice Mayton came into my mind, and then a customer; later, +stars and trademarks, and bouquets, and dirty nephews, and fireflies +and bad accounts, and railway tickets, and candy and Herbert Spencer, +mixed themselves confusingly in my mind. Then a vision of a proud +angel, in the most fashionable attire and a modern carriage, came and +banished them all by its perfect radiance, and I was sinking in the +most blissful unconsciousness-- + +"Ah--h--h--h--h--h--oo--oo--oo--oo--ee--ee--ee--" + +"Sh--h--h!" I hissed. + +The warning was heeded, and I soon relapsed into oblivion. + +"Ah--h--h--h--oo--oo--ee--ee--ee--BE--ee." + +"Toddie, do you want uncle to whip you?" + +"No." + +"Then lie still." + +"Well, Ize lost my dolly, an' I tant find her anywhere." + +"Well, I'll find her for you in the morning." + +"Oo--oo--ee--I wants my dolly." + +"Well, I tell you I'll find her for you in the morning." + +"I want her NOW--oo--oo--" + +"You can't have her now, so you can go to sleep." + +"Oh--oo--oo--oo--ee--" + +Springing madly to my feet, I started for the offender's room. I +encountered a door ajar by the way, my forehead being first to discover +it. I ground my teeth, lit a candle, and said something--no matter what. + +"Oh, you said a bad swear!" ejaculated Toddie. "You won't go to heaven +when you die." + +"Neither will you, if you howl like a little demon all night. Are you +going to be quiet, now?" + +"Yesh, but I wants my dolly." + +"_I_ don't know where your dolly is--do you suppose I'm going to search +this entire house for that confounded dolly?" + +"'TAIN'T 'founded. I wants my dolly." + +"I don't know where it is; you don't think I stole your dolly, do you?" + +"Well, I wants it, in de bed wif me." + +"Charles," said I, "when you arise in morning, I hope your doll will be +found. At present, however, you must be resigned and go to sleep. I'll +cover you up nicely;" here I began to rearrange the bed-clothing, when +the fateful dolly, source of all my woes, tumbled out of them. Toddie +clutched it, his whole face lighting up with affectionate delight, and +he screamed:-- + +"Oh, dare is my dee dolly: tum to your own papa, dolly, an' I'll love +you." + +And that ridiculous child was so completely satisfied by his outlay of +affection that my own indignation gave place to genuine artistic +pleasure. One CAN tire of even beautiful pictures, though, when he is +not fully awake, and is holding a candle in a draught of air; so I +covered my nephews and returned to my own room, where I mused upon the +contradictoriness of childhood until I fell asleep. + +In the morning I was awakened very early by the light streaming in the +window, the blinds of which I had left open the night before. The air +was alive with bird-songs, and the eastern sky was flushing with tints +which no painter's canvas ever caught. But ante-sunrise skies and songs +are not fit subjects for the continued contemplation of men who read +until midnight; so I hastily closed the blinds, drew the shade, dropped +the curtains and lay down again, dreamily thanking heaven that I was to +fall asleep to such exquisite music. I am sure that I mentally forgave +all my enemies as I dropped off into a most delicious doze, but the +sudden realization that a light hand was passing over my cheek roused +me to savage anger in an instant. I sprang up, and saw Budge shrink +timidly away from my bedside. + +"I was only a-lovin' you, cos you was good, and brought us candy. Papa +lets us love him whenever we want to--every morning he does." + +"As early as this?" demanded I. + +"Yes, just as soon as we can see, if we want to." + +Poor Tom! I never COULD comprehend why with a good wife, a comfortable +income, and a clear conscience, he need always look thin and +worn--worse than he ever did in Virginia woods or Louisiana swamps. But +now I knew all. And yet, what could one do? That child's eyes and +voice, and his expression, which exceeded in sweetness that of any of +the angels I had ever imagined,--that child could coax a man to do more +self-forgetting deeds than the shortening of his precious +sleeping-hours amounted to. In fact, he was fast divesting me of my +rightful sleepiness, so I kissed him and said:-- + +"Run to bed, now, dear old fellow, and let uncle go to sleep again. +After breakfast, I'll make you a whistle." + +"Oh, will you?" The angel turned into a boy at once. "Yes; now run +along." + +"A LOUD whistle--a real loud one?" + +"Yes, but not if you don't go right back to bed." + +The sound of little footsteps receded as I turned over and closed my +eyes. Speedily the bird-song seemed to grow fainter; my thoughts +dropped to pieces; I seemed to be floating on fleecy clouds, in company +with hundreds of cherubs with Budge's features and night-drawers-- + +"Uncle Harry!" + +May the Lord forget the prayer I put up just then! + +"Uncle Harry!" + +"I'll discipline you, my fine little boy," thought I. "Perhaps, if I +let you shriek your abominable little throat hoarse, you'll learn +better than to torment your uncle, that was just getting ready to love +you dearly." + +"Uncle Har-RAY!" + +"Howl, away, you little imp," thought I. "You've got me wide awake, and +your lungs may suffer for it." Suddenly I heard, although in sleepy +tones, and with a lazy drawl, some words which appalled me. The +murmurer was Toddie:-- + +"Want--she--wheels--go--wound." + +"Budge!" I shouted, in the desperation of my dread lest Toddie, too, +might wake up, "what DO you want?" + +"Uncle Harry!" + +"WHAT!" + +"Uncle Harry, what kind of wood are you going to make the whistle out +of?" + +"I won't make any at all--I'll cut a big stick and give you a sound +whipping with it, for not keeping quiet, as I told you to."' + +"Why, Uncle Harry, papa don't whip us with sticks--he spanks us." + +Heavens! Papa! papa! papa! Was I never to have done with this eternal +quotation of "papa"? I was horrified to find myself gradually +conceiving a dire hatred of my excellent brother-in-law. One thing was +certain, at any rate: sleep was no longer possible; so I hastily +dressed, and went into the garden. Among the beauty and the fragrance +of the flowers, and in the delicious morning air, I succeeded in +regaining my temper, and was delighted, on answering the +breakfast-bell, two hours later, to have Budge accost me with:-- + +"Why, Uncle Harry, where was you? We looked all over the house for you, +and couldn't find a speck of you." + +The breakfast was an excellent one. I afterward learned that Helen, +dear old girl, had herself prepared a bill of fare for every meal I +should take in the house. As the table talk of myself and nephews was +not such as could do harm by being repeated, I requested Maggie, the +servant, to wait upon the children, and I accompanied my request with a +small treasury note. Relieved, thus, of all responsibility for the +dreadful appetites of my nephews, I did full justice to the repast, and +even regarded with some interest and amusement the industry of Budge +and Toddie with their tiny forks and spoons. They ate rapidly for a +while, but soon their appetites weakened and their tongues were +unloosed. + +"Ocken Hawwy," remarked Toddie, "daysh an awfoo funny chunt up +'tairs--awfoo BIG chunt. I show it you after brepspup." + +"Toddie's a silly little boy," said Budge; "he always says brepspup for +brekbux." [Footnote: Breakfast.] + +"Oh! What does he mean by chunt, Budge?" + +"I GUESS he means trunk," replied my oldest nephew. + +Recollections of my childish delight in rummaging an old trunk--it +seems a century ago that I did it--caused me to smile sympathetically +at Toddie, to his apparent great delight. How delightful it is to +strike a sympathetic chord in child-nature, thought I; how quickly the +infant eye comprehends the look which precedes the verbal expression of +an idea! Dear Toddie! for years we might sit at one table, careless of +each other's words, but the casual mention of one of thy delights has +suddenly brought our souls into that sweetest of all human +communions--that one which doubtless bound the Master himself to that +apostle who was otherwise apparently the weakest among the chosen +twelve. "An awfoo funny chunt" seemed to annihilate suddenly all +differences of age, condition and experience between the wee boy and +myself, and-- + +A direful thought struck me. I dashed up-stairs and into my room. Yes, +he DID mean my trunk. _I_ could see nothing funny about it--quite the +contrary. The bond of sympathy between my nephew and myself was +suddenly broken. Looking at the matter from the comparative distance +which a few weeks have placed between that day and this, I can see that +I was unable to consider the scene before me with a calm and +unprejudiced mind. I am now satisfied that the sudden birth and hasty +decease of my sympathy with Toddie were striking instances of human +inconsistency. My soul had gone out to his because he loved to rummage +in trunks, and because I imagined he loved to see the monument of +incongruous material which resulted from such an operation; the scene +before me showed clearly that I had rightly divined my nephew's nature. +And yet my selfish instincts hastened to obscure my soul's vision, and +to prevent that joy which should ensue when "Faith is lost in full +fruition." + +My trunk had contained nearly everything, for while a campaigner I had +learned to reduce packing to an exact science. Now, had there been an +atom of pride in my composition I might have glorified myself, for it +certainly seemed as if the heap upon the floor could never have come +out of a single trunk. Clearly, Toddie was more of a general +connoisseur than an amateur in packing. The method of his work I +quickly discerned, and the discovery threw some light upon the size of +the heap in front of my trunk. A dress-hat and its case, when their +natural relationship is dissolved, occupy nearly twice as much space as +before, even if the former contains a blacking-box not usually kept in +it, and the latter contains a few cigars soaking in bay rum. The same +might be said of a portable dressing-case and its contents, bought for +me in Vienna by a brother ex-soldier, and designed by an old +continental campaigner to be perfection itself. The straps which +prevented the cover from falling entirely back had been cut, broken or +parted in some way, and in its hollow lay my dresscoat, tightly rolled +up. Snatching it up with a violent exclamation, and unrolling it, there +dropped from it--one of those infernal dolls. At the same time a howl +was sounded from the doorway. + +"You tookted my dolly out of her cradle--I want to wock my +dolly--oo--oo--oo--ee--ee--ee--" + +"You young scoundrel," I screamed--yes, howled, I was so enraged--"I've +a great mind to cut your throat this minute. What do you mean by +meddling with my trunk?" + +"I--doe--know." Outward turned Toddie's lower lip; I believe the sight +of it would move a Bengal tiger to pity, but no such thought occurred +to me just then. + +"What made you do it?" + +"BE--cause." + +"Because what?" + +"I--doe--know." + +Just then a terrific roar arose from the garden. Looking out, I saw +Budge with a bleeding finger upon one hand, and my razor in the other; +he afterward explained he had been making a boat, and that knife was +bad to him. To apply adhesive plaster to the cut was the work of but a +minute, and I had barely completed this surgical operation when Tom's +gardener-coachman appeared and handed me a letter. It was addressed in +Helen's well-known hand, and read as follows (the passages in brackets +were my own comments):-- + + +"BLOOMDALE, June 21, 1875. + +"DEAR HARRY:--I'm very happy in the thought that you are with my +darling children, and, although I'm having a lovely time here, I often +wish I was with you. [Ump--so do I.] I want you to know the little +treasures real well. [Thank you, but I don't think I care to extend the +acquaintanceship farther than is absolutely necessary.] It seems to me +so unnatural that relatives know so little of those of their own blood, +and especially of the innocent little spirits whose existence is almost +unheeded. [Not when there's unlocked trunks standing about, sis.] + +"Now I want to ask a favor of you. When we were boys and girls at home, +you used to talk perfect oceans about physiognomy, and phrenology, and +unerring signs of character. I thought it was all nonsense then, but if +you believe any of it NOW, I wish you'd study the children, and give me +your well-considered opinion of them. [Perfect demons, ma'am; imps, +rascals, born to be hung--both of them.] + +"I can't get over the feeling that dear Budge is born for something +grand. [Grand nuisance.] He is sometimes so thoughtful and so absorbed, +that I almost fear the result of disturbing him; then, he has that +faculty of perseverance which seems to be the on|y thing some men have +lacked to make them great. [He certainly has it; he exemplified it +while I was trying to get to sleep this morning.] + +"Toddie is going to make a poet or a musician or an artist. [That's so; +all abominable scamps take to some artistic pursuit as an excuse for +loafing.] His fancies take hold of him very strongly. [They do--they +do; "shee wheels go wound," for instance.] He has not Budgie's sublime +earnestness, but he doesn't need it; the irresistible force with which +he is drawn toward whatever is beautiful compensates for the lack. +[Ah--perhaps that explains his operation with my trunk.] But I want +your OWN opinion, for I know you make more careful distinction in +character than I do. + +"Delighting myself with the idea that I deserve most of the credit for +the lots of reading you will have done by this time, and hoping I shall +soon have a line telling me how my darlings are, I am as ever, + +"Your loving sister, + +"HELEN." + + +Seldom have I been so roused by a letter as I was by this one, and +never did I promise myself more genuine pleasure in writing a reply. I +determined that it should be a masterpiece of analysis and of calm yet +forcible expression of opinion. + +Upon one step, at any rate, I was positively determined. Calling the +girl, I asked her where the key was that locked the door between my +room and the children. + +"Please, sir, Toddie threw it down the well." + +"Is there a locksmith in the village?" + +"No, sir; the nearest one is at Paterson." + +"Is there a screwdriver in the house?" + +"Yes, sir." + +"Bring it to me, and tell the coachman to get ready at once to drive me +to Paterson." + +The screwdriver was brought, and with it I removed the lock, got into +the carriage, and told the driver to take me to Paterson by the +hill-road--one of the most beautiful roads in America. + +"Paterson!" exclaimed Budge. "Oh, there's a candy-store in that town, +come on, Toddie." + +"Will you?" thought I, snatching the whip and giving the horses a cut. +"Not if _I_ can help it. The idea of having such a drive spoiled by the +clatter of SUCH a couple!" + +Away went the horses, and up rose a piercing shriek and a terrible +roar. It seemed that both children must have been mortally hurt, and I +looked out hastily, only to see Budge and Toddie running after the +carriage, and crying pitifully. It was too pitiful,--I could not have +proceeded without them, even if they had been afflicted with small-pox. +The driver stopped of his own accord,--he seemed to know the children's +ways and their results,--and I helped Budge and Toddie in, meekly +hoping that the eye of Providence was upon me, and that so +self-sacrificing an act would be duly passed to my credit. As we +reached the hill-road, my kindness to my nephews seemed to assume, +greater proportions, for the view before me was inexpressibly +beautiful. The air was perfectly clear, and across two score towns I +saw the great metropolis itself, the silent city of Greenwood beyond +it, the bay, the narrows, the sound, the two silvery rivers lying +between me and the Palisades, and even, across and to the south of +Brooklyn, the ocean itself. Wonderful effects of light and shadow, +picturesque masses, composed of detached buildings so far distant that +they seemed huddled together; grim factories turned to beautiful +palaces by the dazzling reflection of sunlight from their window-panes; +great ships seeming in the distance to be toy-boats floating +idly;--with no sign of life perceptible, the whole scene recalled the +fairy stories, read in my youthful days, of enchanted cities, and the +illusion was greatly strengthened by the dragon-like shape of the roof +of New York's new post-office, lying in the center of everything, and +seeming to brood over all. + +"Uncle Harry!" + +Ah, that was what I expected! + +"Uncle Harry!" + +"Well, Budge?" + +"I always think that looks like heaven." + +"What does?" + +"Why, all that,--from here over to that other sky way back there behind +everything, I mean. And I think THAT (here he pointed toward what +probably was a photographer's roof-light)--that place where it's so +shiny, is where God stays." + +Bless the child! The scene had suggested only elfindom to ME, and yet I +prided myself on my quick sense of artistic effects. + +"An' over there where that awful bright LITTLE speck is," continued +Budge, "that's where dear little brother Phillie is; whenever I look +over there, I see him putting his hand out." + +"Dee 'ittle Phillie went to s'eep in a box and the Lord took him to +heaven," murmured Toddie, putting together all he had seen and heard of +death. Then he raised his voice, and exclaimed:-- + +"Ocken Hawwy, you know what Iz'he goin' do when I be's big man? Iz'he +goin' to have hosses and tarridge, an' Iz'he goin' to wide over all ze +chees an' all ze houses, an' all ze world an' evvyfing. An' whole lots +of little birdies is comin' in my tarridge an' sing songs to me, an' +you can come too if you want to, an' we'll have ICE-cream an' +'trawberries, an' see 'ittle fishes swimmin' down in ze water, an' +we'll get a g'eat big house that's all p'itty on the outshide an' all +p'itty on the inshide, and it'll all be ours and we'll do just evvyfing +we want to." + +"Toddy, you're an idealist." + +"AIN'T a 'dealisht." + +"Toddy's a goosey-gander," remarked Budge, with great gravity. "Uncle +Harry, do you think heaven's as nice as that place over there?" + +"Yes, Budge, a great deal nicer." + +"Then why don't we die an' go there? I don't want to go on livin' +forever an' ever. I don't see why we don't die right away; I think +we've lived enough of days." + +"The Lord wants us to live until we get good and strong and smart, and +do a great deal of good before we die, old fellow--that's why we don't +die right away." + +"Well, I want to see dear little Phillie, an' if the Lord won't let him +come down here, I think he might let me die an' go to heaven. Little +Phillie always laughed when I jumped for him. Uncle Harry, angels has +wings, don't they?" + +"Some people think they have, old boy." + +"Well, I know they DON'T, cos if Phillie had wings, I know he'd fly +right down here an' see me. So they don't." + +"But maybe he has to go somewhere else, Budge, or maybe he comes and +you can't see him. We can't see angels with OUR eyes, you know." + +"Then what made the Hebrew children in the fiery furnace see one? Their +eyes was just like ours, wasn't they? I don't care; I want to see dear +little Phillie AWFUL much. Uncle Harry, if I went to heaven, do you +know what I'd do?" + +"What WOULD you do, Budge?" + +"Why, after I saw little Phillie, I'd go right up to the Lord an' give +him a great big hug." + +"What for, Budge?" + +"Oh, cos he lets us have nice times, an' gave me my mama an' papa, an' +Phillie--but he took him away again--an' Toddie, but Toddie's a +dreadful bad boy sometimes, though." + +"Very true, Budge," said I, remembering my trunk and the object of my +ride. + +"Uncle Harry, did you ever see the Lord?" + +"No, Budge; he has been very close to me a good many times, but I never +saw him." + +"Well, _I_ have; I see him every time I look up in the sky, and there +ain't nobody 'with me." + +The driver crossed himself and whispered, "He's foriver a-sayin' that, +an' be the powers, I belave him. Sometimes ye'd think that the howly +saints thimselves was a-sphak-in' whin that bye gits to goin' on that +way." It WAS wonderful. Budge's countenance seemed too pure to be of +the earth as he continued to express his ideas of the better land and +its denizens. As for Toddie, his tongue was going incessantly, although +in a tone scarcely audible; but when I chanced to catch his +expressions, they were so droll and fanciful, that I took him upon my +lap that I might hear him more distinctly. I even detected myself in +the act of examining the mental draft of my proposed letter to Helen, +and of being ashamed of it. But neither Toddie's fancy nor Budge's +spirituality caused me to forget the principal object of my ride. I +found a locksmith and left the lock to be fitted with a key; then we +drove to the Falls. Both boys discharged volleys of questions as we +stood by the gorge, and the fact that the roar of the falling water +prevented me from hearing them did not cause them to relax their +efforts in the least. I walked to the hotel for a cigar, taking the +children with me. I certainly spent no more than three minutes in +selecting and lighting a cigar, and asking the barkeeper a few +questions about the Falls; but when I turned, the children were +missing, nor could I see them in any direction. Suddenly before my eyes +arose from the nearer brink of the gorge two yellowish disks, which I +recognized as the hats of my nephews; then I saw between the disks and +me two small figures lying upon the ground. I was afraid to shout, for +fear of scaring them, if they happened to hear me, I bounded across the +grass, industriously raving and praying by turns. They were lying on +their stomachs and looking over the edge of the cliff. I approached +them on tip-toe, threw myself upon the ground, and grasped a foot of +each child. + +"Oh, Uncle Harry!" screamed Budge in my ear, as I dragged him close to +me, kissing and shaking him alternately, "I hunged over more than +Toddie did." + +"Well, I--I--I--I--I--I--I hunged over a good deal, ANY how," said +Toddie, in self-defense. + +That afternoon I devoted to making a bouquet for Miss Mayton, and a +most delightful occupation I found it. It was no florist's bouquet, +composed of only a few kinds of flowers, wired upon sticks, and +arranged according to geometric pattern. I used many a rare flower, too +shy of bloom to recommend itself to florists; I combined tints almost +as numerous as the flowers were, and perfumes to which city bouquets +are utter strangers. Arranging flowers is a favorite pastime of mine, +but upon this particular occasion I enjoyed my work more than I had +ever done before. Not that I was in love with Miss Mayton; a man may +honestly and strongly admire a handsome, brilliant woman without being +in love with her; he can delight himself in trying to give her +pleasure, without feeling it necessary that she shall give him herself +in return. Since I arrived at years of discretion, I have always smiled +sarcastically at the mention of the generosity of men who were in love; +they have seemed to me rather to be asking an immense price for what +they offered. I had no such feeling toward Miss Mayton. There have been +heathens who have offered gifts to goddesses out of pure adoration and +without any idea of ever having the exclusive companionship of their +favorite divinities. I never offered Miss Mayton any attention which +did not put me into closer sympathy with these same great-souled old +Pagans, and with such Christians as follow their good example. With +each new grace my bouquet took on, my pleasure and satisfaction +increased at the thought of how SHE would enjoy the completed evidence +of my taste. + +At length it was finished, but my delight suddenly became clouded by +the dreadful thought, "What will folks say?" Had we been in New York +instead of Hillcrest, no one but the florist, his messenger, the lady +and myself would know if I sent a bouquet to Miss Mayton; but in +Hillcrest, with its several hundred native-born gossips and its +acquaintance of everybody with everybody else and their affairs, I +feared talk. Upon the discretion of Mike, the coachman, I could safely +rely; I had already confidentially conveyed sundry bits of fractional +currency to him, and informed him of one of the parties at our store +whose family Mike had known in Old Erin; but every one knew where Mike +was employed; every one knew--mysterious, unseen and swift are the ways +of communication in the country!--that I was the only gentleman at +present residing at Colonel Lawrence's. Ah!--I had it. I had seen in +one of the library-drawers a small pasteboard box, shaped like a +band-box--doubtless THAT would hold it. I found the box--it was of just +the size I needed. I dropped my card into the bottom,--no danger of a +lady not finding the card accompanying a gift of flowers,--neatly +fitted the bouquet in the center of the box, and went in search of +Mike. He winked cheeringly as I explained the nature of his errand, and +he whispered:-- + +"I'll do it as clane as a whistle, yer honor. Mistress Clarkson's cook +an' mesilf understhand each other, an' I'm used to goin' up the back +way. Dhivil a man can see but the angels, an' they won't tell." + +"Very well, Mike; here's a dollar for you; you'll find the box on the +hat-rack in the hall." + +Half an hour later, while I sat in my chamber window, reading, I beheld +Mike, cleanly shaved, dressed and brushed, swinging up the road, with +my box balanced on one of his enormous hands. With a head full of +pleasing fancies, I went down to supper. My new friends were unusually +good. Their ride seemed to have toned down their boisterousness and +elevated their little souls; their appetites exhibited no diminution of +force, but they talked but little, and all that they said was smart, +funny, or startling--so much so that when, after supper, they invited +me to put them to bed, I gladly accepted the invitation. Toddie +disappeared somewhere, and came back very disconsolate. + +"Can't find my dolly's k'adle," he whined. + +"Never mind, old pet," said I, soothingly. "Uncle will ride you on his +foot." + +"But I WANT my dolly's k'adle," said he, piteously rolling out his +lower lip. + +I remembered my experience when Toddie wanted to "shee wheels go +wound," and I trembled. + +"Toddie," said I, in a tone so persuasive that it would be worth +thousands a year to me, as a salesman, if I could only command it at +will; "Toddie, don't you want to ride on uncle's back?" + +"No: want my dolly's k'adle." + +"Don't you want me to tell you a story?" + +For a moment Toddie's face indicated a terrible internal conflict +between old Adam and mother Eve, but curiosity finally overpowered +natural depravity, and Toddie murmured:-- + +"Yesh." + +"What shall I tell you about?" + +"'Bout Nawndeark." + +"About WHAT?" + +"He means Noah an' the ark," exclaimed Budge. + +"Datsh what _I_ shay--Nawndeark," declared Toddie. + +"Well," said I, hastily refreshing my memory by picking up the +Bible,--for Helen, like most people, is pretty sure to forget to pack +her Bible when she runs away from home for a few days,--"well, once it +rained forty days and nights, and everybody was drowned from the face +of the earth excepting Noah, a righteous man, who was saved, with all +his family, in an ark which the Lord commanded him to build." + +"Uncle Harry," said Budge, after contemplating me with open eyes and +mouth for at least two minutes after I had finished, "do you think +that's Noah?" + +"Certainly, Budge; here's the whole story in the Bible." + +"Well, _I_ don't think it's Noah one single bit," said he, with +increasing emphasis. + +"I'm beginning to think we read different Bibles, Budge; but let's hear +YOUR version." + +"Huh?" + +"Tell ME about Noah, if you know so much about him." + +"I will, if you want me to. Once the Lord felt so uncomfortable cos +folks was bad that he was sorry he ever made anybody, or any world or +anything. But Noah wasn't bad--the Lord liked him first-rate, so he +told Noah to build a big ark, and then the Lord would make it rain so +everybody should be drownded but Noah an' his little boys an' girls, +an' doggies an' pussies an' mama-cows an' little-boy-cows an' +little-girl-cows an' hosses an' everything--they'd go in the ark an' +wouldn't get wetted a bit, when it rained. An' Noah took lots of things +to eat in the ark--cookies, an' milk, an' oatmeal, an' strawberries, +an' porgies, an'--oh, yes; an' plum-puddin's an' pumpkin-pies. But Noah +didn't want everybody to get drownded, so he talked to folks an' said, +'It's goin' to rain AWFUL pretty soon; you'd better be good, an' then +the Lord'll let you come into my ark.' An' they jus' said, 'Oh, if it +rains we'll go in the house till it stops;' an' other folks said, 'WE +ain't afraid of rain--we've got an umbrella.' An' some more said, they +wasn't goin' to be afraid of just a rain. But it DID rain though, an' +folks went in their houses, an' the water came in, an' they went +up-stairs, an' the water came up there, an' they got on the tops of the +houses, an' up in big trees, an' up in mountains, an' the water went +after 'em everywhere an' drownded everybody, only just except Noah and +the people in the ark. An' it rained forty days an' nights, an' then it +stopped, an' Noah got out of the ark, an' he and his little boys an' +girls went wherever they wanted to, and everything in the world was all +theirs; there wasn't anybody to tell 'em to go home, nor no +Kindergarten schools to go to, nor no bad boys to fight 'em, nor +nothin'. Now tell us 'nother story." + +I determined that I would not again attempt to repeat portions of the +Scripture narrative--my experience in that direction had not been +encouraging. I ventured upon a war story. + +"Do you know what the war was?" I asked, by way of reconnoissance. + +"Oh, yes," said Budge; "papa was there, an' he's got a sword; don't you +see it, hangin' up there?" + +Yes, I saw it, and the difference between the terrible field where last +I saw Tom's sword in action, and this quiet room where it now hung, +forced me into a reverie from which I was aroused by Budge remarking:-- + +"Ain't you goin' to tell us one?" + +"Oh, yes, Budge. One day while the war was going on, there was a whole +lot of soldiers going along a road, and they were as hungry as they +could be; they hadn't had anything to eat that day." + +"Why didn't they go into the houses, and the people they was hungry? +That's what _I_ do when I goes along roads." + +"Because the people in that country didn't like them; the brothers and +papas and husbands of those people were soldiers, too; but they didn't +like the soldiers I told you about first, and they wanted to kill them." + +"I don't think they were a bit nice," said Budge, with considerable +decision. + +"Well, the first soldiers wanted to kill THEM, Budge." + +"Then they was ALL bad, to want to kill each other." + +"Oh, no, they weren't; there were a great many real good men on both +sides." + +Poor Budge looked sadly puzzled, as he had an excellent right to do, +since the wisest and best men are sorely perplexed by the nature of +warlike feeling. + +"Both parties of soldiers were on horseback," I continued, "and they +were near each other, and when they saw each other they made their +horses run fast, and the bugles blew, and the soldiers all took their +swords out to kill each other with, when just then a little boy, who +had been out in the woods to pick berries for his mama, tried to run +across the road, and caught his toe some way, and fell down, and cried. +Then somebody hallooed 'Halt!' very loud, and all the horses on one +side stopped, and then somebody else hallooed 'Halt!' and a lot of +bugles blew, and every horse on the other; side stopped, and one +soldier jumped off his horse, and picked up the little boy--he was only +about as big as you, Budge--and tried to comfort him; and then a +soldier from the other side came up to look at him, and then more +soldiers came from both sides to look at him; and when he got better +and walked home, the soldiers all rode away, because they didn't feel +like fighting just then." + +"Oh, Uncle Harry! I think it was an AWFUL good soldier that got off his +horse to take care of that poor little boy." + +"Do you, Budge? Who do you think it was?" + +"I dunno." + +"It was your papa." + +"Oh--h--h--h--h!" If Tom could have but seen the expression upon his +boy's face as he prolonged this exclamation, his loss of one of the +grandest chances a cavalry officer ever had would not have seemed so +great to him as it had done for years. He seemed to take in the story +in all its bearings, and his great eyes grew in depth as they took on +the far-away look which seemed too earnest for the strength of an +earthly being to support. + +But Toddie,--he who a fond mama thought endowed with art sense,--Toddie +had throughout my recital the air of a man who was musing on some +affair of his own, and Budge's exclamation had hardly died away, when +Toddie commenced to wave aloud an extravaganza wholly his own. + +"When _I_ was a soldier," he remarked, very gravely, "I had a coat an' +a hat on, an' a muff an' a little knake [Footnote: Snake: tippet.] +wound my neck to keep me warm, an' it wained, an' hailed, an' 'tormed, +an' I felt bad, so I whallowed a sword an' burned me all down dead." + +"And how did you get here?" I asked, with interest proportioned to the +importance of Toddie's last clause. + +"Oh, I got up from the burn-down dead, an' COMED right here. An' I want +my dolly's k'adle." + +Oh persistent little dragon! If you were of age, what a fortune you +might make in business! + +"Uncle Harry, I wish my papa would come home right away," said Budge. + +"Why, Budge?" + +"I want to love him for bein' so good to that poor little boy in the +war." + +"Ocken Hawwy, I wants my dolly's k'adle, tause my dolly's in it, an' I +want to shee her;" thus spake Toddie. + +"Don't you think the Lord loved my papa awful much for doin' that sweet +thing, Uncle Harry?" asked Budge. + +"Yes, old fellow, I feel sure that he did." + +"Lord lovesh my papa vewy much, so I love ze Lord vewy much," remarked +Toddie. "An' I wants my dolly's k'adle an' my dolly." + +"Toddie, I don't know where either of them are--I can't find them +now--DO wait until morning, then Uncle Harry will look for them." + +"I don't see how the Lord can get along in heaven without my papa, +Uncle Harry," said Budge. + +"Lord takesh papa to heaven, an' Budgie an' me, an' we'll go walkin' +an' see ze Lord, an' play wif ze angels' wings, an' hazh good timsh, +an' never have to go to bed at all, at all." + +Pure hearted little innocents! compared with older people whom we +endure, how great thy faith and how few thy faults! How superior thy +love-- + +A knock at the door interrupted me. "Come in!" I shouted. + +In stepped Mike, with an air of the greatest secrecy, handed me a +letter and the identical box in which I had sent the flowers to Miss +Mayton. What COULD it mean? I hastily opened the envelope, and at the +same time Toddie shrieked:-- + +"Oh, darsh my dolly's k'adle--dare 'tish!" snatched and opened the box, +and displayed--his doll! My heart sickened, and did NOT regain its +strength during the perusal of the following note:-- + +"Miss Mayton herewith returns to Mr. Burton the package which just +arrived, with his card. She recognizes the contents as a portion of the +apparent property of one of Burton's nephews, but is unable to +understand why it should have been sent to her. "June 20, 1875." + +"Toddie," I roared, as my younger nephew caressed his loathsome doll, +and murmured endearing words to it, "where did you get that box?" + +"On the hat-wack," replied the youth, with perfect fearlessness; "I +keeps it in ze book-case djawer, an' somebody took it 'way an' put +nasty ole flowers in it." + +"Where are those flowers?" I demanded. + +Toddie looked up with considerable surprise but promptly replied:-- + +"I froed 'em away--don't want no ole flowers in my dolly's k'adle. +That's ze way she wocks--see!" And this horrible little destroyer of +human hopes rolled that box back and forth with the most utter +unconcern, as he spoke endearing words to the substitute for my +beautiful bouquet! + +To say that I looked at Toddie reprovingly is to express my feelings in +the most inadequate language, but of language in which to express my +feelings to Toddie. I could find absolutely none. Within two or three +short moments I had discovered how very anxious I really was to merit +Miss Mayton's regard, and how very different was the regard I wanted +from that which I had previously hoped might be accorded me. It seemed +too ridiculous to be true that I, who had for years had dozens of +charming lady acquaintances, and yet had always maintained my common +sense and self-control; I, who had always considered it unmanly for a +man to specially interest himself in ANY lady until he had an income of +five thousand a year; I who had skilfully, and many times, argued, that +life-attachments, or attempts thereat, which were made without a +careful preliminary study of the mental characteristics of the partner +desired, was the most unpardonable folly,--I had transgressed every one +of my own rules, and, as if to mock me for any pretended wisdom and +care, my weakness was made known to me by a three-year-old marplot and +a hideous rag-doll! + +That merciful and ennobling dispensation by which Providence enables us +to temper the severity of our own sufferings by alleviating those of +others, came soon to my rescue. Under my stern glance Toddie gradually +lost interest in his doll and its cradle, and began to thrust forth and +outward his piteous lower lip and to weep copiously. + +"Dee Lord, not make me sho bad," he cried through his tears. I doubt +his having had any very clear idea of what he was saying, or whom he +was addressing; but had the publican of whose prayer Toddie made so +fair a paraphrase worn such a face when he offered his famous petition, +it could not have been denied for a moment. Toddie even retired to a +corner and hid his face in self-imposed penance. + +"Never mind, Toddie," said I, sadly; "you didn't mean to do it, I know." + +"I wantsh to love you," sobbed Toddie. + +"Well, come here, you poor little fellow," said I, opening my arms, and +wondering whether 'twas not after contemplation of some such sinner +that good Bishop Tegner wrote:-- + +"Depths of love are atonement's depths, for love is atonement" + +Toddie came to my arms, shed tears freely upon my shirt-front, and +finally, after heaving a very long sigh, remarked:-- + +"Wantsh YOU to love ME" + +I complied with his request. Theoretically, I had long believed that +the higher wisdom of the Creator was most frequently expressed through +the medium of his most innocent creations. Surely here was a +confirmation of my theory, for who else had ever practically taught me +the duty of the injured one toward his offender? I kissed Toddie and +petted him, and at length succeeded in quieting him; his little face, +in spite of much dirt and many tear-stains, was upturned with more of +beauty in it than it ever held when its owner was full of joy; he +looked earnestly, confidingly, into my eyes, and I congratulated myself +upon the perfection of my forgiving spirit, when Toddie suddenly +re-exhibited to me my old unregenerate nature, and the incompleteness +of my forgiveness, by saying:-- + +"Kish my dolly, too." + +I obeyed. My forgiveness was made complete, but so was my humiliation. +I abruptly closed our interview. We exchanged "God bless you's," +according to Budge's instructions of the previous night, and at least +one of the participants in this devotional exercise hoped the petitions +made by the other were distinctly heard. Then I dropped into an +easy-chair in the library, and fell to thinking. I found myself really +and seriously troubled by the results of Toddie's operation with my +bouquet. I might explain the matter to Miss Mayton--I undoubtedly +could, for she was too sensible a woman to be easily offended merely by +a ridiculous mistake, caused by a child. But she would laugh at ME--how +could she help it?--and to be laughed at by Miss Mayton was a something +the mere thought of which tormented me in a manner that made me fairly +ashamed of myself. Like every other young man among young men, I had +been the butt of many a rough joke, and had borne them without wincing; +it seemed cowardly and contemptible that I should be so sensitive under +the mere thought of laughter which would probably be heard by no one +but Miss Mayton herself. But the laughter of a mere acquaintance is +likely to lessen respect for the person laughed at. Heavens! the +thought was unendurable! At any rate, I must write an early apology. +When I was correspondent for the house with which I am now salesman I +reclaimed many an old customer who had wandered off--certainly I might +hope by a well-written letter to regain in Miss Mayton's respect +whatever position I had lost. I hastily drafted a letter, corrected it +carefully, copied it in due form, and forwarded it by the faithful +Michael. Then I tried to read, but without the least success. For hours +I paced the piazza and consumed cigars; when at last I retired it was +with many ideas, hopes, fears, and fancies which had never before been +mine. True to my trust, I looked into my nephews' room; there lay the +boys, in postures more graceful than any which brush or chisel have +ever reproduced. Toddie, in particular, wore so lovely an expression +that I could not refrain from kissing him. But I was none the less +careful to make use of my new key, and to lock my other door also. + +The next day was the Sabbath. Believing fully in the binding force and +worldly wisdom of the Fourth Commandment, so far as it refers to rest, +I have conscientiously trained myself to sleep two hours later on the +morning of the holy day than I ever allowed myself to do on business +days. But having inherited, besides a New England conscience, a New +England abhorrence of waste, I regularly sit up two hours later on +Saturday nights than on any others; and the night preceding this +particular Sabbath was no exception to the rule, as the reader may +imagine from the foregoing recital. At about 5.30 A. M., however, I +became conscious that my nephews were not in accord, with me on the +Sinaitic law. They were not only awake, but were disputing vigorously, +and, seemingly, very loudly, for I heard their words very distinctly. +With sleepy condescension I endeavored to ignore these noisy +irreverents, but I was suddenly moved to a belief in the doctrine of +vicarious atonement, for a flying body, with more momentum than weight, +struck me upon the not prominent bridge of my nose, and speedily and +with unnecessary force accommodated itself to the outline of my eyes. +After a moment spent in anguish, and in wondering how the missive came +through closed doors and windows, I discovered that my pain had been +caused by one of the dolls, which, from its extreme uncleanness, I +suspected belonged to Toddie; I also discovered that the door between +the rooms was open. + +"Who threw that doll?" I shouted, sternly. There came no response. + +"Do you hear?" I roared. + +"What is it, Uncle Harry?" asked Budge, with most exquisitely polite +inflection. + +"Who threw that doll?" + +"Huh?" + +"I say, who threw that doll?" + +"Why, nobody did it." + +"Toddie, who threw that doll?" + +"Budge did," replied Toddie in muffled tones, suggestive of a brotherly +hand laid forcibly over a pair of small lips. + +"Budge, what did you do it for?" + +"Why--why--I--because--why, you see--because, why, Toddie froo his +dolly in my mouth; some of her hair went in, any how, an' I didn't want +his dolly in my mouth, so I sent it back to him, an' the foot of the +bed didn't stick up enough, so it went from the door to your +bed--that's what for." + +The explanation seemed to bear marks of genuineness, albiet the pain of +my eye was not alleviated thereby, while the exertion expended in +eliciting the information had so thoroughly awakened me that further +sleep was out of the question. Besides, the open door,--had a burglar +been in the room? No; my watch and pocketbook were undisturbed. "Budge, +who opened that door?" + +After some hesitation, as if wondering who really did it, Budge +replied:-- + +"Me." + +"How did you do it?" + +"Why, you see we wanted a drink, an' the door was fast, so we got out +the window on the parazzo roof, an' comed in your window." (Here a +slight pause.) "An' 'twas fun. An' then we unlocked the door, an' comed +back." + +Then I should be compelled to lock my window-blinds--or theirs, and +this in the summer season, too! Oh, if Helen could have but passed the +house as that white-robed procession had filed along the piazza-roof! I +lay pondering over the vast amount of unused ingenuity that was locked +up in millions of children, or employed only to work misery among +unsuspecting adults, when I heard light footfalls at my bedside, and +saw a small shape with a grave face approach and remark:-- + +"I wants to come in your bed." + +"What for, Toddie?" + +"To fwolic; papa always fwolics us Sunday mornin's. Tum, Budgie, Ocken +Hawwy's doin' to fwolic us." + +Budge replied by shrieking with delight, tumbling out of bed, and +hurrying to that side of my bed not already occupied by Toddie. Then +those two little savages sounded the onslaught and advanced +precipitately upon me. Sometimes, during the course of my life, I have +had day-dreams which I have told to no one. Among these has been +one--not now so distinct as it was before my four years of +campaigning--of one day meeting in deadly combat the painted Indian of +the plains; of listening undismayed to his frightful war-whoop, and of +exemplifying in my own person the inevitable result of the pale-face's +superior intelligence. But upon this particular Sunday morning I +relinquished this idea informally, but forever. Before the advance of +these diminutive warriors I quailed contemptibly, and their battle-cry +sent more terror to my soul than that member ever experienced from the +well-remembered rebel yell. According to Toddie, I was going to +"fwolic" THEM; but from the first they took the whole business into +their own little but effective hands. Toddie pronounced my knees, +collectively a-horsie "bonnie," and bestrode them, laughing gleefully +at my efforts to unseat him, and holding himself in position by digging +his pudgy fingers into whatever portions of my anatomy he could most +easily seize. Budge shouted, "I want a horsie, too!" and seated himself +upon my chest. "This is the way the horsie goes," explained he, as he +slowly rocked himself backward and forward. I began to realize how my +brother-in-law, who had once been a fine gymnast, had become so +flat-chested. Just then Budge's face assumed a more spirited +expression, his eyes opened wide and lightened up, and, shouting, "This +the way the horsie TROTS," he stood upright, threw up his feet, and +dropped his forty-three avoirdupois pounds forcibly upon my lungs. He +repeated this operation several times before I fully recovered from the +shock conveyed by his combined impudence and weight; but pain finally +brought my senses back, and with a wild plunge I unseated my demoniac +riders and gained a clear space in the middle of the floor. + +"Ah--h--h--h--h--h--h," screamed Toddie, "I wants to wide horshie +backen." + +"Boo--oo--oo--oo--," roared Budge, "I think you're real mean. I don't +love you at all." + +Regardless alike of Toddie's desires, of Budge's opinion, and the +cessation of his regard, I performed a hasty toilet. Notnwithstanding +my lost rest, savagely thanked the Lord for Sunday; at church, at +least, I could be free from my tormentors. At the breakfast-table both +boys invited themselves to accompany me to the sanctuary, but I +declined without thanks. To take them might be to assist somewhat in +teaching them one of the best of habits, but I strongly doubted whether +the severest Providence would consider it my duty to endure the +probable consequences of such an attempt. Besides I MIGHT meet Miss +Mayton. I both hoped and feared I might, and I could not, endure the +thought of appearing before her with the causes of my pleasant +REMEMBRANCE. Budge protested and Toddie wept, but I remained firm, +although I was so willing to gratify their reasonable desires that I +took them out for a long ante-service walk. While enjoying this little +trip I delighted the children by killing a snake and spoiling a slender +cane at the same time, my own sole consolation coming from the +discovery that the remains of the staff were sufficient to make a cane +for Budge. While returning to the house and preparing for church I +entered into a solemn agreement with Budge, who was usually recognized +as the head of this fraternal partnership. Budge contracted, for +himself and brother, to make no attempts to enter my room; to refrain +from fighting; to raise loose dirt only with a shovel, and to convey it +to its destination by means other than their own hats and aprons; to +pick no flowers; to open no water-faucets; to refer all disagreements +to the cook, as arbitrator, and to build no houses of the new books +which I had stacked upon the library table. In consideration of the +promised faithful observance of these conditions I agreed that Budge +should be allowed to come alone to Sabbath school, which convened +directly after morning service, he to start only after Maggie had +pronounced him duly cleansed and clothed. As Toddie was daily kept in +bed from eleven to one, I felt that I might safely worship without +distracting fears, for Budge could not alone, and in a single hour, +become guilty of any particular sin. The church at Hillcrest had many +more seats than members, and as but few summer visitors had yet +appeared in the town, I was conscious of being industriously stared at +by the native members of the congregation. This was of itself +discomfort enough, but not all to which I was destined, for the usher +conducted me quite near to the altar, and showed me into a pew whose +only other occupant was Miss Mayton! Of course the lady did not +recognize me--she was too carefully bred to do anything of the sort in +church, and I spent ten uncomfortable minutes in mentally abusing the +customs of good society. The beginning of the service partially ended +my uneasiness, for I had no hymn-book,--the pew contained none,--so +Miss Mayton kindly offered me a share in her own. And yet so +faultlessly perfect and stranger-like was her manner that I wondered +whether her action might not have been prompted merely by a sense of +Christian duty; had I been the Khan of Tartary she could not have been +more polite and frigid. The music to the first hymn was an air I had +never heard before, so I stumbled miserably through the tenor, although +Miss Mayton rendered the soprano without a single false note. The +sermon was longer than I was in the habit of listening to, and I was +frequently conscious of not listening at all. As for my position and +appearance, neither ever seemed so insignificant as they did throughout +the entire service. + +The minister reached "And finally, dear brethren," with my earnest +prayers for a successful and speedy finale. It seemed to me that the +congregation sympathized with me, for there was a general rustle behind +me as these words were spoken. It soon became evident, however, that +the hearers were moved by some other feeling, for I heard a profound +titter or two behind me. Even Miss Mayton turned her head with more +alacrity than was consistent with that grace which usually +characterized her motions, and the minister himself made a pause of +unusual length. I turned in my seat, and saw my nephew Budge, dressed +in his best, his head irreverently covered, and his new cane swinging +in the most stylish manner. He paused at each pew, carefully surveyed +its occupants, seemed to fail in finding the object of his search, but +continued his efforts in spite of my endeavors to catch his eye. +Finally, he recognized a family acquaintance, and to him he unburdened +his bosom by remarking, in tones easily heard throughout the church:-- + +"I want to find my uncle." + +Just then he caught my eye, smiled rapturously, hurried to me and laid +his rascally soft cheek confidingly against mine, while an audible +sensation pervaded the church. What to do or say to him I scarcely +knew; but my quandary was turned to wonder, as Miss Mayton, her face +full of ill-repressed mirth, but her eyes full of tenderness, drew the +little scamp close to her, and Mssed him soundly. At the same instant, +the minister, not without some little hesitation, said, "Let us pray." +I hastily bowed my head, glad of a chance to hide my face; but as I +stole a glance at the cause of this irreligious disturbance, I caught +Miss Mayton's eye. She was laughing so violently that the contagion was +unavoidable, and I laughed all the harder as I felt that one +mischievous boy had undone the mischief caused by another. + +After the benediction, Budge was the recipient of a great deal of +attention, during the confusion of which I embraced the opportunity to +say to Miss Mayton:-- + +"Do you still sustain my sister in her opinion of my nephews, Miss +Mayton?" + +"I think they're too funny for anything," replied the lady, with great +enthusiasm. "I DO wish you would bring them to call upon me. I'm +longing to see an ORIGINAL young gentleman." + +"Thank you," said I. "And I'll have Toddie bring a bouquet by way of +atonement." + +"Do," she replied, as I allowed her to pass from the pew. The word was +an insignificant one, but it made me happy once more. + +"You see, Uncle Harry," exclaimed Budge, as we left the church +together, "the Sunday-school wasn't open yet, an' I wanted to hear if +they'd sing again in church; so I came in, an' you wasn't in papa's +seat, an' I knew you was SOMEwhere, so I LOOKED for you." + +"Bless you," thought I, snatching him into my arms as if to hurry him +into Sabbath school, but really to give him a kiss of grateful +affection, "you did right--EXACTLY right." + +My Sunday dinner was unexceptional in point of quantity and quality, +and a bottle of my brother-in-law's claret proved to be most excellent; +yet a certain uneasiness of mind prevented my enjoying the meal as +thoroughly as under other circumstances I might have done. My +uneasiness came of a mingled sense of responsibility and ignorance. I +felt that it was the proper thing for me to see that my nephews spent +the day with some sense of the requirements and duties of the Sabbath; +but how I was to bring it about, I hardly knew. The boys, were too +small to have Bible-lessons administered to them, and they were too +lively to be kept quiet by any ordinary means. After a great deal of +thought, I determined to consult the children themselves, and try to +learn what their parents' custom had been. + +"Budge," said I, "what do you do Sundays when your papa and mama are +home? What do they read to you,--what do they talk about?" + +"Oh, they swing us--lots!" said Budge, with brightening eyes. + +"An' zey takes us to get jacks," observed Toddie. + +"Oh, yes!" exclaimed Budge; "jacks-in-the-pulpit--don't you know?" + +"Hum--ye--es; I do remember some such thing in my youthful days. They +grow where there's plenty of mud, don't they?" + +"Yes, an' there's a brook there, an' ferns, an' birch-bark, an' if you +don't look out you'll tumble into the brook when you go to get birch." + +"An' we goes to Hawksnest Rock," piped Toddie, "an' papa carries us up +on his back when we gets tired." + +"An' he makes us whistles," said Budge. + +"Budge," said I, rather hastily, "enough. In the language of the poet + + "'These earthly pleasures I resign,' + +and I'm rather astonished that your papa hasn't taught you to do +likewise. Don't he ever read to you?" + +"Oh, yes," cried Budge, clapping his hands, as a happy thought struck +him. "He gets down the Bible--the great BIG Bible, you know--an' we all +lay on the floor, an' he reads us stories out of it. There's David, an' +Noah, an' when Christ was a little boy, an' Joseph, an' +turnbackPharo'sarmyhallelujah--" + +"And what?" + +"TurnbackPharo'sarmyhallelujah," repeated Budge. "Don't you know how +Moses held out his cane over the Red Sea, an' the water went way up one +side, an' way up the other side, and all the Isrulites went across? +It's just the same thing as DROWNoldPharo'sarmyhallelujah--don't you +know?" + +"Budge," said I, "I suspect you of having heard the Jubilee Singers." + +"Oh, and papa and mama sings us all those Jubilee songs--there's 'Swing +Low,' an' 'Roll Jordan,' an' 'Steal Away,' an' 'My Way's Cloudy,' an' +'Get on Board, Childuns,' an' lots. An' you can sing us every one of +'em." + +"An' papa takes us in the woods, an' makesh us canes," said Toddie. + +"Yes," said Budge, "and where there's new houses buildin', he takes us +up ladders." + +"Has he any way of putting an extension on the afternoon?" I asked. + +"I don't know what that is," said Budge, "but he puts an India-rubber +blanket on the grass, and then we all lie down an' make b'lieve we're +soldiers asleep. Only sometimes when we wake up papa stays asleep, an' +mama won't let us wake him. I don't think that's a very nice play." + +"Well, I think Bible stories are nicer than anything else, don't you?" + +Budge seemed somewhat in doubt. "I think swingin' is nicer," said +he--"oh, no;--let's get some jacks--I'LL tell you what!--make us +whistles an' we can blow on 'em while we're goin' to get the jacks. +Toddie, dear, wouldn't YOU like jacks and whistles?" + +"Yesh--an' swingin'--an' birch--an' wantsh to go to Hawksnesh Rock," +answered Toddie. + +"Let's have Bible stories first," said I. "The Lord mightn't like it if +you didn't learn anything good to-day." + +"Well," said Budge, with the regulation religious-matter-of-duty-face, +"let's. I guess I like 'bout Joseph best." + +"Tell us 'bout Bliaff," suggested Toddie. + +"Oh, no, Tod," remonstrated Budge; "Joseph's coat was just as bloody as +Goliath's head was." Then Budge turned to me and explained that "all +Tod likes Goliath for is 'cause when his head was cut off it was all +bloody." And then Toddie--the airy sprite whom his mother described as +being irresistibly drawn to whatever was beautiful--Toddie glared upon +me as a butcher's apprentice might stare at a doomed lamb, and +remarked:-- + +"Bliaff's head was all bluggy, an' David's sword was all bluggy--bluggy +as everyfing." + +I hastily breathed a small prayer, opened the Bible, turned to the +story of Joseph, and audibly condensed it as I read:-- + +"Joseph was a good little boy whose papa loved him very dearly. But his +brothers didn't like him. And they sold him, to go to Egypt. And he was +very smart, and told the people what their dreams meant, and he got to +be a great man. And his brothers went to Egypt to buy corn, and Joseph +sold them some, and then he let them know who he was. And he sent them +home to bring their papa to Egypt, and then they all lived there +together." + +"That ain't it," remarked Toddie, with the air of a man who felt +himself to be unjustly treated. "Is it, Budge?" + +"Oh, no," said Budge, "you didn't read it good a bit; I'LL tell you how +it is. Once there was a little boy named Joseph, an' he had eleven +budders--they was AWFUL eleven budders. An' his papa gave him a new +coat, an' his budders hadn't nothin' but their old jackets to wear. An' +one day he was carryin' 'em their dinner, an' they put him in a deep, +dark hole, but they didn't put his nice new coat in--they killed a kid, +an' dipped the coat--just think of doin' that to a nice new coat--they +dipped it in the kid's blood, an' made it all bloody." + +"All bluggy," echoed Toddie, with ferocious emphasis. Budge continued:-- + +"But there were some Ishmalites comin' along that way, and the awful +eleven budders took him out of the deep dark hole, an' sold him to the +Ishmalites, an' they sold him away down in Egypt. An' his poor old papa +cried, an' cried, 'cause he thought a big lion ate Joseph up; but he +wasn't ate up a bit; but there wasn't no post-office nor choo-choos, +[Footnote: railway cars] nor stages in Egypt, an' there wasn't any +telegraphs, so Joseph couldn't let his papa know where he was; an' he +got so smart an' so good that the king of Egypt let him sell all the +corn an' take care of the money; an' one day some men came to buy some +corn, an' Joseph looked at 'em an' there they was his own budders! An' +he scared 'em like everything; I'D have SLAPPED 'em all if I'D been +Joseph, but he just scared 'em, an' then he let 'em know who he was, +an' he kissed 'em an' he didn't whip 'em, or make 'em go without their +breakfast, or stand in a corner, nor none of them things; an' then he +sent 'em back for their papa, an' when he saw his papa comin', he ran +like everything, and gave him a great big hug and a kiss. Joseph was +too big to ask his papa if he'd brought him any candy, but he was awful +glad to see him. An' the king gave Joseph's papa a nice farm, an' they +all had real good times after that." + +"And they dipped the coat in the blood; an' made it all bluggy," +reiterated Toddie. + +"Uncle Harry," said Budge, "what do you think MY papa would do if he +thought I was all ate up by a lion? I guess he'd cry AWFUL, don't you? +Now tell us another story--oh, I'LL tell you--read us 'bout--" + +"'Bout Bliaff," interrupted Toddie. + +"YOU tell ME about him, Toddie," said I. + +"Why," said Toddie, "Bliaff was a brate bid man, an' Dave was brate +little man, an' Bliaff said, 'Come over here'n an' I'll eat you up,' +an' Dave said, '_I_ ain't fyaid of you.' So Dave put five little stones +in a sling an' asked de Lord to help him, an' let ze sling go bang into +bequeen Bliaff's eyes an' knocked him down dead, an' Dave took Bliaff's +sword an' sworded Bliaff's head off, an' made it all bluggy, an' Bliaff +runned away." This short narration was accompanied by more spirited and +unexpected gestures than Mr. Gough ever puts into a long lecture. + +"I don't like 'bout Goliath at all," remarked Budge. "I'D like to hear +'bout Ferus." + +"Who?" + +"Ferus; don't you know?" + +"Never heard of him, Budge." + +"Why--y--y--!" exclaimed Budge; "didn't you have no papa when you was a +little boy?" + +"Yes, but he never told me about any one named Ferus; there's no such +person named in Anthon's Classical Dictionary, either. What sort of a +man was he?" + +"Why, once there was a man, an' his name was Ferus--Offerus, an' he +went about fightin' for kings, but when any king got afraid of anybody, +he wouldn't fight for him no more. An' one day he couldn't find no +kings that wasn't afraid of nobody. An' the people told him the Lord +was the biggest king in the world, an' he wasn't afraid of nobody or +nothing. An' he asked 'em where he could find the Lord, and they said +he was way up in heaven so nobody couldn't see him but the angels, but +he liked folks to WORK for him instead of fight. So Ferus wanted to +know what kind of work he could do, an' the people said there was a +river not far off, where there wasn't no ferry-boats, cos the water run +so fast, an' they guessed if he'd carry folks across, the Lord would +like it. So Ferus went there, and he cut him a good, strong cane, an' +whenever anybody wanted to go across the river he'd carry 'em on his +back. + +"One night he was sittin' in his little house by the fire, and smokin' +his pipe an' readin' the paper, an' 'twas rainin' an' blowin' an' +hailin' an' stormin', an' he was so glad there wasn't anybody wantin' +to go 'cross the river, when he heard somebody call out 'Ferus!' An' he +looked out the window, but he couldn't see nobody, so he sat down +again. Then somebody called 'Ferus!' again, and he opened the door +again, an' there was a little bit of a boy, 'bout as big as Toddie. An' +Ferus said, 'Hullo, young fellow, does your mother know you're out?' +An' the little boy said, 'I want to go 'cross the river.'--'Well,' says +Ferus, 'you're a mighty little fellow to be travelin' alone, but hop +up.' So the little boy jumped up on Ferus's back, and Ferus walked into +the water. Oh, my--WASN'T it cold? An' every step he took that little +boy got heavier, so Ferus nearly tumbled down an' they liked to both +got drownded. An' when they got across the river Ferus said, 'Well, you +ARE the heaviest small fry I ever carried,' an' he turned around to +look at him, an' 'twasn't no little boy at all--'twas a big man--'twas +Christ. An' Christ said, 'Ferus, I heard you was tryin' to work for me, +so I thought I'd come down an' see you, an' not let you know who I was. +An' now you shall have a new name; you shall be called CHRISTofferus, +cos that means Christ-carrier.' An' everybody called him Christofferus +after that, an' when he died they called him SAINT Christopher, cos +Saint is what they called good people when they're dead." + +Budge himself had the face of a rapt saint as he told this story, but +my contemplation of his countenance was suddenly arrested by Toddie, +who, disapproving of the unexciting nature of his brother's recital, +had strayed into the garden, investigated a hornet's nest, been stung, +and set up a piercing shriek. He ran in to me, and as I hastily picked +him up, he sobbed:-- + +"Want to be wocked. [Footnote: Rocked.] Want 'Toddie one boy day.'" + +I rocked him violently, and petted him tenderly, but again he sobbed:-- + +"Want 'Toddie one boy day.'" + +"What DOES the child mean?" I exclaimed. + +"He wants you to sing to him about 'Charley boy one day,'" said Budge. +"He always wants mamma to sing that when he's hurt, an' then he stops +crying." + +"I don't know it," said I. "Won't 'Roll, Jordan,' do, Toddie?" + +"I'LL tell you how it goes," said Budge, and forthwith the youth sang +the following song, a line at a time, I following him in words and +air:-- + + "Where is my little bastik [Footnote: Basket.] gone?" + Said Charley, one boy day; + "I guess some little boy or girl + Has taken it away. + + "An' kittie, too--where ISH she gone? + Oh dear, what shall I do? + I wish I could my bastik find, + An' little kittie, too. + + "I'll go to mamma's room an' look; + Perhaps she may be there; + For kittie likes to take a nap + In mamma's easy chair. + + "O mamma, mamma, come an' look + See what a little heap! + Here's kittie in the bastik here, + All cuddled down to sleep." + +Where the applicability of this poem to my nephew's peculiar trouble +appeared, I could not see, but as I finished it, his sobs gave place to +a sigh of relief. + +"Toddie," said I, "do you love your Uncle Harry?" + +"Esh, I DO love you." + +"Then tell me how that ridiculous song comforts you." + +"Makes me feel good, an' all nicey," replied Toddie. + +"Wouldn't you feel just as good if I sang, 'Plunged in a gulf of dark +despair'?" + +"No, don't like dokdishpairs; if a dokdishpair done anyfing to me, I'd +knock it right down dead." + +With this extremely lucid remark, our conversation on this particular +subject ended; but I wondered, during a few uneasy moments, whether the +temporary mental aberration which had once afflicted Helen's +grandfather and mine was not reappearing in this, his youngest +descendant. My wondering was cut short by Budge, who remarked, in a +confident tone:-- + +"Now, Uncle Harry, we'll have the whistles, I guess." + +I acted upon the suggestion, and led the way to the woods. I had not +had occasion to seek a hickory sapling before for years; not since the +war, in fact, when I learned how hot a fire small hickory sticks would +make. I had not sought wood for whistles since--gracious, nearly a +quarter of a century ago! The dissimilar associations called up by +these recollections threatened to put me in a frame of mind which might +have resulted in a bad poem, had not my nephews kept up a lively +succession of questions such as no one but children can ask. The +whistles completed, I was marched, with music, to the place where the +"Jacks" grew. It was just such a place as boys instinctively delight +in--low, damp, and boggy, with a brook hiding treacherously away under +overhanging ferns and grasses. The children knew by sight the plant +which bore the "Jacks," and every discovery was announced by a piercing +shriek of delight. At first I looked hurriedly toward the brook as each +yell clove the air; but, as I became accustomed to it, my attention was +diverted by some exquisite ferns. Suddenly, however, a succession of +shrieks announced that something was wrong, and across a large fern I +saw a small face in a great deal of agony. Budge was hurrying to the +relief of his brother, and was soon as deeply imbedded as Toddie was in +the rich black mud, at the bottom of the brook. I dashed to the rescue, +stood astride the brook, and offered a hand to each boy, when a +treacherous tuft of grass gave way, and, with a glorious splash, I went +in myself. This accident turned Toddie's sorrow to laughter, but I +can't say I made light of my misfortune on that account. To fall into +CLEAN water is not pleasant, even when one is trout-fishing; but to be +clad in white pants, and suddenly drop nearly knee-deep in the lap of +mother Earth is quite a different thing. I hastily picked up the +children, and threw them upon the bank, and then wrathfully strode out +myself, and tried to shake myself as I have seen a Newfoundland dog do. +The shake was not a success--it caused my trouser-leg to flap dismally +about my ankles, and sent the streams of loathsome ooze trickling down +into my shoes. My hat, of drab felt, had fallen off by the brookside, +and been plentifully spattered as I got out. I looked at my youngest +nephew with speechless indignation. + +"Uncle Harry," said Budge, "'twas real good of the Lord to let you be +with us, else Toddie might have been drownded." + +"Yes," said I, "and I shouldn't have much--" + +"Ocken Hawwy," cried Toddie, running impetuously toward me, pulling me +down, and patting my cheek with his muddy black hand, "I LOVES you for +takin' me out de water." + +"I accept your apology," said I, "but let's hurry home." There was but +one residence to pass, and that, thank fortune, was so densely screened +by shrubbery that the inmates could not see the road. To be sure, we +were on a favorite driving road, but we could reach home in five +minutes, and we might dodge into the woods if we heard a carriage +coming. Ha! There came a carriage already, and we--was there ever a +sorrier-looking group? There were ladies in the carriage, too--could it +be--of course it was--did the evil spirit, which guided those children +always, send an attendant for Miss Mayton before he began operations? +There she was, anyway--cool, neat, dainty, trying to look collected, +but severely flushed by the attempt. It was of no use to drop my eyes, +for she had already recognized me; so I turned to her a face which I +think must have been just the one--unless more defiant--that I carried +into two or three cavalry charges. + +"You seem to have been having a real good time together," said she, +with a conventional smile, as the carriage passed. "Remember, you're +all going to call on me tomorrow afternoon." + +Bless the girl! Her heart was as quick as her eyes--almost any other +young lady would have devoted her entire energy to laughing on such an +occasion, but SHE took her earliest opportunity to make me feel at +ease. Such a royal hearted woman deserves to--I caught myself just +here, with my cheeks growing quite hot under the mud Toddie had put on +them, and I led our retreat with a more stylish carriage than my +appearance could possibly have warranted, and then I consigned my +nephews to the maid with very much the air of an officer turning over a +large number of prisoners he had captured. I hastily changed my soiled +clothing for my best--not that I expected to see any one, but because +of a sudden increase in the degree of respect I felt toward myself. +When the children were put to bed, and I had no one but my thoughts for +companions, I spent a delightful hour or two in imagining as possible +some changes of which I had never dared to think before. + +On Monday morning I was in the garden at sunrise. Toddie was to carry +his expiatory bouquet to Miss Mayton that day, and I proposed that no +pains should be spared to make his atonement as handsome as possible. I +canvassed carefully every border, bed, and detached flowering plant +until I had as accurate an idea of their possibilities as if I had +inventoried the flowers in pen and ink. This done, I consulted the +servant as to the unsoiled clothing of my nephews. She laid out their +entire wardrobe for my inspection, and after a rigid examination of +everything I selected the suits which the boys were to wear in the +afternoon. Then I told the girl that the boys were going with me after +dinner to call on some ladies, and that I desired that she should wash +and dress them carefully. + +"Tell me just what time you'll start, sir, and I'll begin an hour +beforehand," said she. "That's the only way to be sure that they don't +disgrace you." + +For breakfast we had, among other things, some stewed oysters served in +soup-plates. + +"O Todd," shrieked Budge, "there's the turtle-plates again--oh, AIN'T I +glad!" + +"Oo--ee--turtle pyates," squealed Toddie. + +"What on earth do you mean, boys?" I demanded. + +"I'll show you," said Budge, jumping down from his chair and bringing +his plate of oysters cautiously toward me. "Now you just put your head +down underneath my plate, and look up, and you'll see a turtle." + +For a moment I forgot that I was not at a restaurant, and I took the +plate, held it up, and examined its bottom. + +"There!" said Budge, pointing to the trademark, in colors, of the +makers of the crockery, "don't you see the turtle?" + +I abruptly ordered Budge to his seat, unmoved even by Toddie's remark, +that-- + +"Dey ish turtles, but dey can't knawl awound like udder turtles." + +After breakfast I devoted a great deal of fussy attention to myself. +Never did my own wardrobe seem so meager and ill-assorted; never did I +cut myself so many times while shaving; never did I use such +unsatisfactory shoe-polish. I finally gave up in despair my effort to +appear genteel, and devoted myself to the bouquet. I cut almost flowers +enough to dress a church, and then remorselessly excluded every one +which was in the least particular imperfect. In making the bouquet I +enjoyed the benefit of my nephews' assistance and counsel and took +enforced part in conversation which flowers suggested. + +"Ocken Hawwy," said Toddie, "ish heaven all like this, wif pretty +f'owers? Cos I don't see what ze angels ever turns out for if 'tis." + +"Uncle Harry," said Budge, "when the leaves all go up and down and +wriggle around so, are they talking to the wind?" + +"I--I guess so, old fellow." + +"Who are you making that bouquet for, Uncle Harry?" asked Budge. + +"For a lady--for Miss Mayton--that lady that saw us all muddy yesterday +afternoon," said I. + +"Oh, I like her," said Budge. "She looks so nice and pretty--just like +a cake--just as if she was good to eat--Oh, I just love her, don't YOU?" + +"Well, I respect her very highly, Budge." + +"'Spect? What does 'spect mean?" + +"Why, it means that I think she's a lady--a real pleasant lady-just the +nicest sort of lady in the world--the sort of person I'd like to see +every day, and like to see her better than any one else." + +"Oh, why, 'spect an' love means just the same thing, don't they, Uncle +Har--" + +"Budge," I exclaimed, somewhat hastily "run ask Maggie for a piece of +string--quick!" + +"All right," said Budge, moving off, "but they DO, don't they?" + +At two o'clock I instructed Maggie to dress my nephews, and at three we +started to make our call. To carry Toddie's bouquet, and hold a hand of +each boy so as to keep them from darting into the hedges for +grasshoppers, and the gutters for butterflies, was no easy work, but I +managed to do it. As we approached Mrs. Clarkson's boarding-house I +felt my hat was over one ear, and my cravat awry, but there was no +opportunity to rearrange them, for I saw Alice Mayton on the piazza, +and felt that she saw me. Handing the bouquet to Toddie, and promising +him three sticks of candy if he would be careful and not drop it, we +entered the garden. The moment we were inside the hedge and Toddie saw +a man going over the lawn with a lawn-mower, he shrieked: "Oh, deresh a +cutter-grass!" and dropped the bouquet with the carelessness born of +perfect ecstasy. I snatched it before it reached the ground, dragged +the offending youth up the walk, saluted Miss Mayton, and told Toddie +to give the bouquet to the lady. This he succeeded in doing, but as +Miss Mayton thanked him and stooped to kiss him he wriggled off the +piazza like a little eel, shouted, "Tum on!" to his brother, and a +moment later my nephews were following the "cutter-grass" at a +respectful distance in the rear. + +"Those are my sister's best children in the world, Miss Mayton," said I. + +"Bless the little darlings!" replied the lady; "I DO love to see +children enjoying themselves." + +"So do I," said I, "when I'm not responsible for their well-being; but +if the effort I've expended on those boys had been directed toward the +interests of my employers, those worthy gentlemen would consider me +invaluable." + +Miss Mayton made some witty reply, and we settled to a pleasant chat +about mutual acquaintances, about books, pictures, music, and the +gossip of our set. I would cheerfully have discussed Herbert Spencer's +system, the Assyrian Tablets, or any other dry subject with Miss +Mayton, and felt that I was richly repaid by the pleasure of seeing +her. Handsome, intelligent, composed, tastefully dressed, without a +suspicion of the flirt or the languid woman of fashion about her, she +awakened to the uttermost every admiring sentiment and every manly +feeling. But, alas, my enjoyment was probably more than I deserved, so +it was cut short. There were other ladies boarding at Mrs. Clarkson's, +and as Miss Mayton truthfully observed at our first meeting, men were +very scarce at Hillcrest. So the ladies, by the merest accident, of +course, happened upon the piazza, and each one was presented to me, and +common civility made it impossible for me to speak to Miss Mayton more +than once in ten minutes. At any other time and place I should have +found the meeting of so many ladies a delightful experience, but now-- + +Suddenly a compound shriek arose from the lawn, and all the ladies +sprang to their feet. I followed their example, setting my teeth firmly +and viciously, hoping that whichever nephew had been hurt was BADLY +hurt. We saw Toddie running towards us with one hand in his mouth, +while Budge ran beside him, exclaiming:-- + +"POOR little Toddie! Don't cry! DOES it hurt you awful? Never +mind--Uncle Harry'll comfort you. Don't cry, Toddie DE-ar!" + +Both boys reached the piazza steps, and clambered up, Budge +exclaiming:-- + +"O, Uncle Harry, Toddie put his fingers in the little wheels of the +cutter-grass, an' it turned just the least little biddie, an' it hurted +him." + +But Toddie ran up to me, clasped my legs, and sobbed. + +"Sing 'Toddie one boy day.'" + +My blood seemed to freeze. I could have choked that dreadful child, +suffering though he was. I stooped over him, caressed him, promised him +candy, took out my watch and gave it to him to play with, but he +returned to his original demand. A lady--the homeliest in the +party--suggested that she should bind up his hand, and I inwardly +blessed her, but he reiterated his request for "Toddie one boy day," +and sobbed pitifully. + +"What DOES he mean?" asked Miss Mayton. + +"He wants Uncle Harry to sing, 'Charley boy one day,'" explained Budge; +"he always wants that song when he's hurt any way." + +"Oh, do sing it to him, Mr. Burton," pleaded Miss Mayton; and all the +other ladies exclaimed, "Oh, do!" + +I wrathfully picked him up in my arms, and hummed the air of the +detested song. + +"Sit in a wockin'-chair," sobbed Toddie. + +I obeyed; and then my tormentor remarked:-- + +"You don't sing the wydes (words),--I wants the wydes." + +I sang the words as softly as possible with my lips close to his ear, +but he roared:-- + +"Sing louder." + +"I don't know any more of it, Toddie," I exclaimed in desperation. + +"Oh, I'll tell it all to you, Uncle Harry," said Budge. And there, +before that audience, and HER, I was obliged to sing that dreadful +doggerel, line for line, as Budge repeated it. My teeth were set tight, +my brow grew clammy, and I gazed upon Toddie with terrible thoughts in +my mind. No one laughed--I grew so desperate that a titter would have +given relief. At last I heard some one whisper:-- + +"SEE how he loves him! Poor man!--he's in perfect agony over the little +fellow." + +Had not the song reached its natural end just then, I believe I should +have tossed my wounded nephew over the piazza rail. As it was, I set +him upon his feet, announced the necessity of our departure, and began +to take leave, when Miss Mayton's mother insisted that we should stay +to dinner. + +"For myself, I should be delighted, Mrs. Mayton," said I; "but my +nephews have hardly learned company manners yet. I'm afraid my sister +wouldn't forgive me if she heard I had taken them out to dinner." + +"Oh, I'll take care of the little dears," said Miss Mayton; "they'll be +good with ME, I KNOW." + +"I couldn't be so unkind as to let you try it, Miss Mayton," I replied. +But she insisted, and the pleasure of submitting to her will was so +great that I would have risked even greater mischief. So Miss Mayton +sat down to dinner with Budge upon one side and Toddie on the other, +while I was fortunately placed opposite, from which position I could +indulge in warning winks and frowns. The soup was served. I signaled +the boys to tuck their napkins under their chins, and then turned to +speak to the lady on my right. She politely inclined her head toward +me, but her thoughts seemed elsewhere; following her eyes, I beheld my +youngest nephew with his plate upraised in both hands, his head on the +table-cloth, and his eyes turned painfully upward. I dared not speak, +for fear he would drop the plate. Suddenly he withdrew his head, put on +an angelic smile, tilted his plate so part of its contents sought +refuge in the fold of Miss Mayton's dainty, snowy dress, while the +offender screamed:-- + +"Oo--ee--!--zha turtle on my pyate!--Budgie, zha turtle on my pyate!" + +Budge was about to raise the plate when he caught my eye and desisted. +Poor Miss Mayton actually looked discomposed for the first time in her +life, so far as I knew or could imagine. She recovered quickly, +however, and treated that wretched boy with the most Christian +forbearance and consideration during the remainder of the meal. When +the dessert was finished she quickly excused herself, while I removed +Toddie to a secluded corner of the piazza, and favored him with a +lecture which caused him to howl pitifully, and compelled me to caress +him and undo all the good which my rebukes had done. Then he and Budge +removed themselves to the lawn, while I awaited Miss Mayton's +reappearance, to offer an apology for Toddie, and to make our adieus. +It was the custom of the ladies at Mrs. Clarkson's to stroll about the +lovely rural walks after dinner and until twilight; and on this +particular evening they departed in twos and threes, leaving me to make +my apology without witnesses. I was rather sorry they went; it was not +pleasant to feel that I was principally responsible for my nephews' +blunder, and to have no opportunity to allay my conscience-pangs by +conversation. It seemed to me Miss Mayton was forever in appearing; I +even called up my nephews to have some one to talk to. + +Suddenly she appeared, and in an instant I fervently blessed Toddie and +the soup which the child had sent upon its aimless wanderings. I would +rather pay the price of a fine dress than try to describe Miss Mayton's +attire; I can only say that in style, color and ornament it became her +perfectly, and set off the beauties of a face which I had never before +thought was more than pleasing and intelligent. Perhaps the anger which +was excusable after Toddie's graceless caper had something to do with +putting unusual color into her cheeks, and a brighter sparkle than +usual in her eyes. Whatever was the cause, she looked queenly, and I +half imagined that I detected in her face a gleam of satisfaction at +the involuntary start which her unexpected appearance caused me to +make. She accepted my apology for Toddie with queenly graciousness, and +then, instead of proposing that we should follow the other ladies, as a +moment before I had hoped she would, she dropped into a chair. I +accepted the invitation; the children should have been in bed half an +hour before, but my sense of responsibility had departed when Miss +Mayton appeared. The little scamps were safe until they should perform +some new and unexpected act of impishness. They retired to one end of +the piazza, and busied themselves in experiments upon a large +Newfoundland dog, while I, the happiest man alive, talked to the +glorious woman before me, and enjoyed the spectacle of her radiant +beauty. The twilight came and deepened, but imagination prevented the +vision from fading. With the coming of the darkness and the starlight, +our voices unconsciously dropped to lower tones, and HER voice seemed +purest music. And yet we said nothing which all the world might not +have listened to without suspecting a secret. The ladies returned in +little groups, but either out of womanly intuition or in answer to my +unspoken but fervent prayers, passed us and went into the house. I was +affected by an odd mixture of desperate courage and despicable +cowardice. I determined to tell her all, yet I shrank from the task +with more terror than ever befell me in the first steps of a charge. + +Suddenly a small shadow came from behind us and stood between us, and +the voice of Budge remarked:-- + +"Uncle Harry 'spects you, Miss Mayton." + +"Suspects me?--of what, pray?" exclaimed the lady, patting my nephew's +cheek. + +"Budge!" said I--I feel that my voice rose nearly to a scream--"Budge, +I must beg of you to respect the sanctity of confidential +communications." + +"What is it, Budge?" persisted Miss Mayton; "you know the old adage, +Mr. Burton: 'Children and fools speak the truth.' Of what does he +suspect me, Budge?" + +"'Tain't SUS-pect at all," said Budge, "it's es-pect." + +"Expect?" echoed Miss Mayton. + +"No, not 'ex,' it's ES-spect. I know all about it, 'cause I asked him. +Espect is what folks do when they think you're nice, and like to talk +to you, and--" + +"Respect is what the boy is trying to say, Miss Mayton," I interrupted, +to prevent what I feared might follow. "Budge has a terrifying faculty +for asking questions, and the result of some of them, this morning, was +my endeavor to explain to him the nature of the respect in which +gentlemen hold ladies." + +"Yes," continued Budge, "I know all about it. Only Uncle Harry don't +say it right. What he calls espect _I_ calls LOVE." + +There was an awkward pause--it seemed an age. Another blunder, and all +on account of those dreadful children. I could think of no possible way +to turn the conversation; stranger yet, Miss Mayton could not do so +either. Something MUST be done--I could at least be honest, come what +would--I would be honest. + +"Miss Mayton," said I, hastily, earnestly, but in a very low tone, +"Budge is a marplot, but he is a truthful interpreter for all that. But +whatever my fate may be, please do not suspect me of falling suddenly +into love for a holiday's diversion. My malady is of some months' +standing. I--" + +"I want to talk SOME," observed Budge. "You talk all the whole time. +I--I--when _I_ loves anybody I kisses them." + +Miss Mayton gave a little start, and my thoughts followed each other +with unimagined rapidity. SHE did not turn the conversation--it could +not be possible that she COULD not. She was not angry, or she would +have expressed herself. Could it be that-- + +I bent over her and acted upon Budge's suggestion. As she displayed no +resentment, I pressed my lips a second time to her forehead, then she +raised her head slightly, and I saw, in spite of darkness and shadows, +that Alice Mayton had surrendered at discretion. Taking her hand and +straightening myself to my full height, I offered to the Lord mere +fervent thanks than he ever heard from me in church. Then I heard Budge +say, "_I_ wants to kiss you, too," and I saw my glorious Alice snatch +the little scamp into her arms, and treat him with more affection than +I ever imagined was in her nature. Then she seized Toddie, and gave him +a few tokens of forgiveness--I dare not think they were of gratitude. + +Suddenly two or three ladies came upon the piazza. + +"Come, boys," said I. "Then I'll call with the carriage tomorrow at +three, Miss Mayton. Good evening." + +"Good evening," replied the sweetest voice in the world; "I'll be ready +at three." + +"Budge," said I, as soon as we were fairly outside the hedge-gate, +"what do you like better than anything else in the world?" + +"Candy," said Budge, very promptly. + +"What next?" + +"Oranges." + +"What next?" + +"Oh, figs, an' raisins, an' dear little kittie-kitties, an' drums, an' +picture-books, an' little bakin' dishes to make mud-pies in, an' +turtles, an' little wheelbarrows." + +"Anything else?" + +"Oh, yes--great big black dogs--an' a goat, an' a wagon for him to draw +me in." + +"Very well, old fellow--you shall have every one of those things +tomorrow." + +"Oh--h--h--h--h!" exclaimed Budge, "I guess you're something like the +Lord, ain't you?" + +"What makes you think so, Budge?" + +"Oh, 'cause you can do such lots of things at once. But ain't poor +little Tod goin' to have noffin'?" + +"Yes, everything he wants. What would you like, Toddie?" + +"Wants a candy cigar," replied Toddie. + +"What else?" + +"Don't want NUFFIN' else--don't want to be boddered wif LOTS of fings." + +The thoughts which were mine that night--the sense of how glorious a +thing it is to be a man and be loved--the humility that comes with such +a victory as I had gained--the rapid alternation of happy thoughts and +noble resolutions--what man is there who does not know my whole story +better than I can tell it? I put my nephews to bed; I told them every +story they asked for; and when Budge, in saying his prayers, said "an' +bless that nice lady that Uncle Harry 'spects," I interrupted his +devotions with a hearty hug. The children had been awake so far beyond +their usual hour for retiring that they dropped asleep without giving +any special notice of their intention to do so. Asleep, their faces +were simply angelic. As I stood, candle in hand, gazing gratefully upon +them, I remembered a sadly neglected duty. I hurried to the library and +wrote the following to my sister: + + +"HILLCREST, Monday Night. + +"DEAR HELEN:--I should have written you before had I been exactly +certain what to say about your boys. I confess that until now I have +been blind to some of their virtues, and have imagined I detected an +occasional fault. But the scales have fallen from my eyes, and I see +clearly that my nephews are angels--positively angels. If I seem to +speak extravagantly, I beg to refer you to Alice Mayton for collateral +evidence. Don't come home at all--everything is just as it should +be--even if you come, I guess I'll invite myself to spend the rest of +the summer with you; I've changed my mind about its being a bore to +live out of town and take trains back and forth every day. Ask Tom to +think over such bits of real estate in your neighborhood as he imagines +I might like. + +"I repeat it, the boys are angels, and Alice Mayton is another, while +the happiest man in the white goods trade is + +"Your affectionate brother + +"HARRY." + + +Early next morning I sought the society of my nephews. It was +absolutely necessary that I should overflow to SOME one--some one who +was sympathetic and innocent and pure. I longed for my sister--my +mother, but to SOME one I must talk at once. Budge fulfilled my +requirements exactly; he was an excellent listener, very sympathetic by +nature, and quick to respond. Not the wisdom of the most reverend sage +alive could have been so grateful to my ear as that child's prattle was +on that delightful morning. As for Toddie--blessed be the law of +compensation! his faculty of repetition, and of echoing whatever he +heard said, caused him to murmur "Miff Mayton, Miff Mayton," all +morning long, and the sound gained in sweetness by its ceaseless +iteration. To be sure, Budge took early and frequent occasions to +remind me of my promises of the night before, and Toddie occasionally +demanded the promised candy cigar; but these very interruptions only +added joy to my own topic of interest each time it was resumed. The +filling of Budge's orders occupied two or three hours and all the +vacant space in the carriage; even then the goat and goat-carriage were +compelled to follow behind. + +The program for the afternoon was arranged to the satisfaction of every +one. I gave the coachman, Mike, a dollar to harness the goat and teach +the children to drive him; this left me free to drive off without being +followed by two small figures and two pitiful howls. + +I always believed a horse was infected by the spirit of his driver. My +dear old four-footed military companions always seemed to perfectly +comprehend my desires and intentions, and certainly my brother-in-law's +horses entered into my own spirits on this particular afternoon. They +stepped proudly, they arched their powerful necks handsomely, their +feet seemed barely to touch the ground; yet they did not grow restive +under the bit, nor were they frightened even at a hideous steam +road-rolling machine which passed us. As I drove up to Mrs. Clarkson's +door I found that most of the boarders were on the piazza--the memories +of ladies are usually good at times. Alice immediately appeared, +composed of course, but more radiant than ever. + +"Why, where are the boys?" she exclaimed. + +"I was afraid they might annoy your mother," I replied, "so I left them +behind." + +"Oh, mother hardly feels well enough to go today," said she; "she is +lying down." + +"Then we can pick up the boys on the road," said I, for which remark, +my enchantress, already descending the steps, gave me a look which the +ladies behind her would have given their best switches to have seen. + +We drove off as decorously as if it were Sunday and we were driving to +church; we industriously pointed out to each other every handsome +garden and tasteful residence we passed; we met other people driving, +and conversed fluently upon their horses, carriages and dress. But when +we reached the edge of the town, and I turned into "Happy Valley," a +road following the depressions and curves of a long, well-wooded +valley, in which there was not a single straight line, I turned and +looked into my darling's face. Her eyes met mine, and, although they +were full of a happiness which I had never seen in them before, they +filled with tears, and their dear owner dropped her head on my +shoulder. What we said on that long drive would not interest the +reader. I have learned by experience to skip all love talks in novels; +no matter how delightful the lovers may be. Recalling now our +conversation, it does not seem to me to have had anything wonderful it +in. I will only say that if I had been happy on the evening before, my +happiness now seemed to be sanctified; to be favored with the love and +confidence of a simple girl scarcely past her childhood is to receive a +greater honor than court or field can bestow; but even this honor is +far surpassed by that which comes to a man when a woman of rare +intelligence, tact and knowledge of society and the world, unburdens +her heart of all its hopes and fears, and unhesitatingly leaves her +destiny to be shaped by his love. Women like Alice Mayton do not thus +give themselves unreservedly away except when their trust is born of +knowledge as well as affection, and the realization of all this changed +me on that afternoon from whatever I had been into what I had long +hoped I might one day be. + +But the hours flew rapidly, and I reluctantly turned the horses' heads +homeward. We had left almost the whole of "Happy Valley" behind us, and +were approaching residences again. + +"Now we must be very proper," said Alice. + +"Certainly," I replied, "here's a good--by to happy nonsense for this +afternoon." + +I leaned toward her, and gently placed one arm about her neck; she +raised her dear face, from which joy and trust had banished every +indication of caution and reserve, my lips sought hers, when suddenly +we heard a most unearthly, discordant shriek, which presently separated +into two, each of which prolonged itself indefinitely. The horses +started, and Alice--blessed be all frights, now, henceforth, and +forevermore!--clung tightly to me. The sounds seemed to be approaching +us, and were accompanied by a lively rattling noise, that seemed to be +made by something wooden. Suddenly, as we approached a bend of the +road, I saw my youngest nephew appear from some unknown space, describe +a parabolic curve in the air, ricochet slightly from an earthy +protuberance in the road, and make a final stop in the gutter. At the +same time there appeared, from behind the bend, the goat, then the +carriage dragging on one side, and lastly, the boy Budge, grasping +tightly the back of the carriage body, and howling frightfully. A +direct collision between the carriage and a stone caused Budge to loose +his hold, while the goat, after taking in the scene, trotted leisurely +off, and disappeared in a road leading to the house of his late owner. + +"Budge," I shouted, "stop that bawling, and come here. Where's Mike?" + +"He--boo--hoo--went to--hoo--light his--boo--hoo--hoo--pipe, an' I just +let the--boo--hoo--whip go against to the goat, an' then he scattooed." + +"Nashty old goat scaddooed," said Toddie, in corroboration. + +"Well, walk right home, and tell Maggie to wash and dress you," said I. + +"O Harry," pleaded Alice, "after they've been in such danger! Come here +to your own Aunt Alice, Budgie dear,--and you, too, Toddie,--you know +you said we could pick the boys up on the road, Harry. There, +there--don't cry--let me wipe the ugly old dirt off you, and kiss the +face, and make it well." + +"Alice," I protested, "don't let those dirty boys clamber all over you +in that way." + +"Silence, sir," said she, with mock dignity; "who gave me my lover, I +should like to ask?" + +So we drove up to the boarding-house with the air of people who had +been devoting themselves to a couple of very disreputable children, and +I drove swiftly away again, lest the children should dispel the +illusion. We soon met Mike, running. The moment he recognized us, he +shouted:-- + +"Aye, ye little dhivils,--beggin' yer pardon, Masther Harry, an' +thankin' the Howly Mither that their good-for-nothin' little bones +ain't broke to bits. Av they saw a hippypottymus hitched to Pharaoh's +chariot, they'd think 'emselves jist the byes to take the bossin' av +it, the spalpeens." + +But no number of ordinary hippopotami and chariots could have disturbed +the heavenly tranquillity of my mind on this most glorious of evenings. +Even a subtle sense of the fitness of things seemed to overshadow my +nephews. Perhaps the touch of my enchantress did it; perhaps it came +only from the natural relapse from great excitement; but no matter what +the reason was, the fact remains that for the rest of the evening two +very dirty suits of clothes held two children who gave one some idea of +how the denizens of Paradise might seem and act. They even ate their +suppers without indulging in any of the repulsive ways of which they +had so large an assortment, and they did not surreptitiously remove +from the table any fragments of bread and butter to leave on the piano, +in the card-basket, and other places inappropriate to the reception of +such varieties of abandoned property. They demanded a song after +supper, but when I sang, "Drink to Me only with Thine Eyes," and "Thou, +Thou, Reign'st in this Bosom," they stood by with silent tongues and +appreciative eyes. When they went to bed, I accompanied them by special +invitation, but they showed no disposition to engage in the usual +bedtime frolic and miniature pandemonium. Budge, when in bed, closed +his eyes, folded his hand and prayed:-- + +"Dear Lord, bless papa an' mamma, an' Toddie, an' Uncle Harry, an' +everybody else; yes, an' bless just lots that lovely, lovely lady that +comforted me after the goat was bad to me, an' let her comfort me lots +of times, for Christ's sake, Amen." + +And Toddie wriggled, twisted, breathed heavily, threw his head back, +and prayed: + +"Dee Lord, don't let dat old goat fro me into de gutter on my head +aden, an' let Ocken Hawwy an' ze pitty lady be dere netst time I dest +hurted." + +Then the good-night salutations were exchanged, and I left the little +darlings and enjoyed communion with my own thoughts which were as +peaceful and ecstatic as if the world contained no white goods houses, +no doubtful customers, no business competition, no politics, gold +rooms, stock-boards, doubtful banks, political scandals, personal +iniquity, nor anything which should prevent a short vacation from +lasting through a long lifetime. + +The next morning would have struck terror to the heart of any one but a +newly accepted lover. Rain was falling fast, and in that steady, +industrious manner which seemed to assert an intention to stick closely +to business for the whole day. The sky was covered by one impenetrable +leaden cloud, water stood in pools in the streets which were soft with +dust a few hours before; the flowers all hung their heads like +vagabonds who had been awake all night and were ashamed to face the +daylight. Even the chickens stood about in dejected attitudes, and +stray roosters from other poultry-yards found refuge in Tom's coop +without first being subjected to a trial of strength and skill by Tom's +game-cock. + +But no man in my condition of mind could be easily depressed by bad +weather. I would rather have been able to drive about under a clear +sky, or lounge under the trees, or walk to the post-office in the +afternoon by the road which passed directly in front of Mrs. Clarkson's +boarding-house; but man should not live for himself alone. In the room +next mine were slumbering two wee people to whom I owed a great deal, +who would mourn bitterly when they saw the condition of the skies and +ground--I would devote myself to the task of making THEM so happy that +they would forget the absence of sunshine out of doors--I would sit by +their bedside and have a story ready for them the moment they awoke, +and put them in such a good humor that they could laugh, with me, at +cloud and rain. + +I began at once to construct a story for their especial benefit; the +scene was to be a country residence on a rainy day, and the actors two +little boys who should become uproariously jolly in spite of the +weather. Like most people not used to story-making, my progress was not +very rapid; in fact, I had got no farther than the plot indicated above +when an angry snarl came from the children's room. + +"What's the matter, Budge?" I shouted, dressing myself as rapidly as +possible. + +"Ow--oo--ya--ng--um--boc--gaa," was the somewhat complicated response. + +"What did you say, Budge?" + +"Didn't say noffin'." + +"Oh--that's what I thought." + +"DIDN'T thought." + +"Budge,--Budge,--be good." + +"Don't WANT to be good--YA--A--A." + +"Let's have some fun, Budge--don't you want to frolic?" + +"No; I don't think frolic is nice." + +"Don't you want some candy, Budge?" + +"No--you ain't GOT no candy, I bleeve." + +"Well, you sha'n't have any if you don't stop being so cross." + +The only reply to this was a mighty and audible rustling of the bedding +in the boys' room, followed by a sound strongly resembling that caused +by a slap; then came a prolonged wail, resembling that of an ungreased +wagon-wheel. + +"What's the matter, Toddie?" + +"Budge s'apped me--ah--h--h--h!" + +"What made you slap your brother, Budge?" + +"I DIDN'T." + +"You DID," screamed Toddie. + +"I tell you I didn't--you're a naughty, bad boy to tell such lies, +Toddie." + +"What DID you do, Budge?" I asked. + +"Why--why--I was--I was turnin' over in bed, an' my hand was out, and +it tumbled against to Toddie--that's what." + +By this time I was dressed and in the boy's room. Both my nephews were +sitting up in bed, Budge looking as sullen as an old jail-bird, and +Toddie with tears streaming all over his face. + +"Boys," said I, "don't be angry with each other--it isn't right. What +do you suppose the Lord thinks when he sees you so cross to each other?" + +"He don't think noffin'," said Budge; "you don't think he can look +through a black sky like that, do you?" + +"He can look anywhere, Budge, and he feels very unhappy when he sees +little brothers angry with each other." + +"Well, I feel unhappy, too--I wish there wasn't never no old rain, nor +nothin'." + +"Then what would the plants and flowers do for a drink, and where would +the rivers come from for you to go sailing on?" + +"An' wawtoo to mate mud-pies," added Toddie. "You's a naughty boy, +Buggie;" and here Toddie's tears began to flow afresh. + +"I AIN'T a bad boy, an' I don't want no old rain nohow, an' that's all +about it. An' I don't want to get up, an' Maggie must bring me up my +breakfast in bed." + +"Boo--hoo--oo," wept Toddie, "wants my brepspup in bed too." + +"Boys," said I, "now listen. You can't have any breakfast at all unless +you are up and dressed by the time the bell rings. The rising bell rang +some time ago. Now dress like good boys, and you shall have some +breakfast, and then you'll feel a great deal nicer, and then Uncle +Harry will play with you and tell you stories all day long." + +Budge crept reluctantly out of bed and caught up one of his stockings, +while Toddie again began to cry. + +"Toddie," I shouted, "stop that dreadful racket, and dress yourself. +What are you crying for?" + +"Well, I feelsh bad." + +"Well, dress yourself, and you'll feel better." + +"Wantsh YOU to djesh me." + +"Bring me your clothes, then--quick!" + +Again the tears flowed copiously. "Don't WANT to bring 'em," said +Toddie. + +"Then come here!" I shouted, dragging him across the room, and +snatching up his tiny articles of apparel. I had dressed no small +children since I was rather a small boy myself, and Toddie's clothing +confused me somewhat. I finally got something on him, when a +contemptuous laugh from Budge interrupted me. + +"How you goin' to put his shirt on under them things?" queried my +oldest nephew. + +"Budge," I retorted, "how are you going to get any breakfast if you +don't put on something besides that stocking?" + +The young man's countenance fell, and just then the breakfast bell +rang. Budge raised a blank face, hurried to the head of the stairs and +shouted:-- + +"Maggie?" + +"What is it, Budge?" + +"Was--was that the rising-bell or the breakfast-bell?" + +"'Twas the breakfast-bell." + +There was dead silence for a moment, and then Budge shouted:-- + +"Well, we'll call that the risin'-bell. You can ring another bell for +breakfast pretty soon when I get dressed." Then this volunteer adjuster +of household affairs came calmly back and commenced dressing in good +earnest, while I labored along with Toddie's wardrobe. + +"Where's the button-hook, Budge?" said I. + +"It's--I--oh--um--I put it--say, Tod, what did you do with the +button-hook yesterday?" + +"Didn't hazh no button-hook," asserted Toddie. + +"Yes, you did; don't you remember how we was a playin' draw teef, an' +the doctor's dog had the toofache, and I was pullin' his teef with the +button-hook, an' you was my little boy, an' I gived the toof-puller to +you to hold for me? Where did you put it?" + +"I'D no," replied Toddie, putting his hand in his pocket and bringing +out a sickly-looking toad. + +"Feel again," said I, throwing the toad out the window, where it was +followed by an agonizing shriek from Toddie. Again he felt, and his +search was rewarded by the tension screw of Helen's sewing-machine. +Then I attempted some research myself, and speedily found my fingers +adhering to something of a sticky consistency. I quickly withdrew my +hand, exclaiming:-- + +"What nasty stuff HAVE you got in your pocket, Toddie?" + +"'Taint nashty' tuff--it's byead an' 'lasses, an' its nice, an' Budge +an' me hazh little tea-parties in de kicken-coop, an' we eats it, an' +it's DOVELY." + +All this was lucid and disgusting, but utterly unproductive of +button-hooks, and meanwhile the breakfast was growing cold. I succeeded +in buttoning Toddie's shoes with my fingers, splitting most of my nails +in the operation. I had been too busily engaged with Toddie to pay any +attention to Budge, who I now found about half dressed and trying to +catch flies on the windowpane. Snatching Toddie, I started for the +dining-room, when Budge remarked reprovingly:-- + +"Uncle Harry, YOU wasn't dressed when the bell rang, and YOU oughtn't +to have any breakfast." + +True enough--I was minus collar, cravat, and coat. Hurrying these on, +and starting again, I was once more arrested:-- + +"Uncle Harry, must I brush my teeth this morning?" + +"No--hurry up--come down without doing anything more, if you like, but +COME--it'll be dinner-time before we get breakfast." + +Then that imp was moved, for the first time that morning, to something +like good-nature, and he exclaimed with a giggle:-- + +"My! What big stomachs we'd have when we got done, wouldn't we?" + +At the breakfast table Toddie wept again, because I insisted on +beginning operations before Budge came. Then neither boys knew exactly +what he wanted. Then Budge managed to upset the contents of his plate +into his lap, and while I was helping him clear away the debris, Toddie +improved the opportunity to pour his milk upon his fish, and put +several spoonfuls of oatmeal porridge into my coffee-cup. I made an +early excuse to leave the table and turn the children over to Maggie. I +felt as tired as if I had done a hard day's work, and was somewhat +appalled at realizing that the day had barely begun. I lit a cigar and +sat down to Helen's piano. I am not a musician, but even the chords of +a hand-organ would have seemed sweet music to me on that morning. The +music-book nearest to my hand was a church hymn-book, and the first air +my eye struck was "Greenville." I lived once in a town, where, on a +single day, a pedler disposed of thirty-eight accordeons, each with an +instruction-book in which this same air under its original name was the +ONLY air. For years after, a single bar of this air awakened the most +melancholy reflections in my mind, but now I forgave all my musical +tormentors as the familiar strains came comfortingly from the +piano-keys. But suddenly I heard an accompaniment--a sort of reedy +sound--and, looking around, I saw Toddie again in tears. I stopped +abruptly and asked:-- + +"What's the matter NOW, Toddie?" + +"Don't want dat old tune; wantsh dancin' tune, so I can dance." + +I promptly played "Yankee Doodle," and Toddie began to trot around the +room with the expression of a man who intended to do his whole duty. +Then Budge appeared, hugging a bound volume of "St. Nicholas." The +moment Toddie espied this he stopped dancing and devoted himself anew +to the task of weeping. + +"Toddie," I shouted, springing from the piano-stool, "what do you mean +by crying at everything? I shall have to put you to bed again, if +you're going to be such a baby." + +"That's the way he ALWAYS does, rainy days," explained Budge. + +"Wantsh to see the whay-al what fwollowed Djonah," sobbed Toddie. + +"Can't you demand something that's within the range of possibility, +Toddie?" I mildly asked. + +"The whale Toddie means is in this big red book,--I'll find it for +you," said Budge, turning over the leaves. + +Suddenly a rejoicing squeal from Toddie announced that leviathan had +been found, and I hastened to gaze. He was certainly a dreadful-looking +animal, but he had an enormous mouth, which Toddie caressed with his +pudgy little hand, and kissed with tenderness, murmuring as he did so:-- + +"DEE old whay-al, I loves you. Is Jonah all goneded out of you 'tomach, +whay-al? I finks 'twas weal mean in Djonah to get froed up when you +hadn't noffin' else to eat, POOR old whay-al." + +"Of COURSE Jonah's gone," said Budge, "he went to heaven long +ago--pretty soon after he went to Nineveh an' done what the Lord told +him to do. Now swing us, Uncle Harry." + +The swing was on the piazza under cover from the rain; so I obeyed. +Both boys fought for the right to swing first, and when I decided in +favor of Budge, Toddie went off weeping, and declaring that he would +look at his dear whay-al anyhow. A moment later his wail changed to a +piercing shriek; and running to his assistance, I saw him holding one +finger tenderly and trampling on a wasp. + +"What's the matter, Toddie?" + +"Oo--oo--ee--ee--ee--EE--I putted my finger on a waps, and--oo--oo--the +nasty waps--oo--bited me. An' I don't like wapses a bit, but I likes +whay-als--oo--ee--ee." + +A happy thought struck me. "Why don't you boys make believe that big +packing-box in your play-room is a whale?" said I. + +A compound shriek of delight followed the suggestion, and both boys +scrambled upstairs, leaving me a free man again. I looked remorsefully +at the tableful of books which I had brought to read, and had not +looked at for a week. Even now my remorse did not move me to open +them--I found myself instead attracted toward Tom's library, and +conning the titles of novels and volumes of poems. My eye was caught by +"Initial,"--a love-story which I had always avoided because I had heard +impressible young ladies rave about it; but now I picked it up and +dropped into an easy chair. Suddenly I heard Mike the coachman +shouting:-- + +"Go away from there, will ye? Ah, ye little spalpeen, it's good for ye +that yer fahder don't see ye perched up dhere. Go way from dhat, or +I'll be tellin' yer uncle." + +"Don't care for nasty old uncle," piped Toddie's voice. + +I laid down my book with a sigh, and went into the garden. Mike saw me +and shouted:-- + +"Misther Burthon, will ye look dhere? Did ye's ever see the loike av +dhat bye?" + +Looking up at the play-room window, a long, narrow sort of loop-hole in +a Gothic gable, I beheld my youngest nephew standing upright on the +sill. + +"Toddie, go in--quick!" I shouted, hurrying under the window to catch +him in case he fell outward. + +"I tan't," squealed Toddie. + +"Mike, run up-stairs and snatch him in; Toddie, go on, I tell you!" + +"Tell you I TAN'T doe in," repeated Toddie. "ZE bit bots ish ze +whay-al, an' I'ez Djonah, an' ze whay-al's froed me up, an' I'ze dot to +'tay up here else ze whay-al 'ill fwallow me aden." + +"I won't LET him swallow you. Get in now--hurry," said I. + +"Will you give him a penny not to fwallow me no more?" queried Toddie. + +"Yes--a whole lot of pennies." + +"Aw wight. Whay-al, don't you fwallow me no more, an' zen my Ocken +Hawwy div you whole lots of pennies. You must be weal dood whay-al now, +an' then I buys you some tandy wif your pennies, an'--" + +Just then two great hands seized Toddie's frock in front, and he +disappeared with a howl, while I, with the first feeling of faintness I +had ever experienced, went in search of hammer, nails, and some strips +of board, to nail on the outside of the window-frame. But boards could +not be found, so I went up to the play-room and began to knock a piece +or two off the box which had done duty as whale. A pitiful scream from +Toddie caused me to stop. + +"You're hurtin' my dee old whay-al; you's brakin' his 'tomach all +open--you's a baddy man--'TOP hurtin' my whay-al, ee--ee--ee," cried my +nephew. + +"I'm not hurting him, Toddie," said I; "I'm making his mouth bigger, so +he can swallow you easier." + +A bright thought came into Toddie's face and shone through his tears. +"Then he can fwallow Budgie too, an' there'l be two +Djonahs--ha--ha--ha! Make his mouf so big he can fwallow Mike, an' zen +mate it 'ittle aden, so Mike tan' det OUT; nashty old Mike!" + +I explained that Mike would not come upstairs again, so I was permitted +to depart after securing the window. + +Again I settled myself with book and cigar; there was at least for me +the extra enjoyment that comes from the sense of pleasure earned by +honest toil. Pretty soon Budge entered the room. I affected not to +notice him, but he was not in the least abashed by my neglect. + +"Uncle Harry," said he, throwing himself in my lap between my book and +me, "I don't feel a bit nice." + +"What's the matter, old fellow?" I asked. Until he spoke I could have +boxed his ears with great satisfaction to myself; but there is so much +genuine feeling in whatever Budge says that he commands respect. + +"Oh, I'm tired of playin' with Toddie, an' I feel lonesome. Won't you +tell me a story?" + +"Then what'll poor Toddie do, Budge?" + +"Oh, he won't mind--he's got a dead mouse to be Jonah now, so I don't +have no fun at all. Won't you tell me a story?" + +"Which one?" + +"Tell me one that I never heard before at all." + +"Well, let's see; I guess I'll tell--" + +"Ah--ah--ah--ah--ee--ee--ee," sounded afar off, but fatefully. It came +nearer--it came down the stairway and into the library, accompanied by +Toddie, who, on spying me, dropped his inarticulate utterance, held up +both hands, and exclaimed:-- + +"Djonah bwoke he tay-al!" + +True enough; in one hand Toddie held the body of a mouse, and in the +other that animal's caudal appendage; there was also perceptible, +though not by the sense of sight, an objectionable odor in the room. + +"Toddie," said I, "go throw Jonah into the chicken-coop, and I'll give +you some candy." + +"Me too," shouted Budge, "cos I found the mouse for him." + +I made both boys happy with candy, exacted a pledge not to go out in +the rain, and then, turning them loose on the piazza, returned to my +book. I had read perhaps half-a-dozen pages when there arose and +swelled rapidly in volume a scream from Toddie. Madly determined to put +both boys into chairs, tie them and clap adhesive plaster over their +mouths, I rushed out upon the piazza. + +"Budgie tried to eat my candy," complained Toddie. + +"I didn't," said Budge. + +"What DID you do?" I demanded. + +"I didn't bite it at all--I only wanted to see how it would feel +between my teeth--that's all." + +I felt the corners of my mouth breaking down, and hurried back to the +library, where I spent a quiet quarter of an hour in pondering over the +demoralizing influence exerted upon principle by a sense of the +ludicrous. For some time afterward the boys got along without doing +anything worse than make a dreadful noise, which caused me to resolve +to find some method of deadening piazza-floors if _I_ ever owned a +house in the country. In the occasional intervals of comparative quiet +I caught snatches of very funny conversation. The boys had coined a +great many words whose meaning was evident enough but I wonder greatly +why Tom and Helen had never taught them the proper substitutes. + +Among others was the word "deader," whose meaning I could not imagine. +Budge shouted:-- + +"O Tod; there comes a deader. See where all them things like rooster's +tails are a-shakin'?--Well, there's a deader under them." + +"Dasth funny," remarked Toddie. + +"An' see all the peoples a-comin' along," continued Budge, "THEY know +'bout the deader, an' they're goin' to see it fixed. Here it comes. +Hello, deader!" + +"Hay-oh, deader," echoed Toddie. + +What COULD deader mean? + +"Oh, here it is right in front of us," cried Budge, "and AIN'T there +lots of people? An' two horses to pull the deader--SOME deaders has +only one." + +My curiosity was too much for my weariness; I went to the front window, +and, peering through, saw--a funeral procession! In a second I was on +the piazza, with my hands on the children's collars; a second later two +small boys were on the floor of the hall, the front door was closed, +and two determined hands covered two threatening little mouths. + +When the procession had fairly passed the house I released the boys and +heard two prolonged howls for my pains. Then I asked Budge if he wasn't +ashamed to talk that way when a funeral was passing. + +"'TWASN'T a funeral," said he. "'Twas only a deader, an' deaders can't +hear nothin'." + +"But the people in the carriages could," said I. + +"Well," said he, "they was so glad that the other part of the deader +had gone to heaven that they didn't care WHAT I said. Ev'rybody's glad +when the other parts of deaders go to heaven. Papa told me to be glad +that dear little Phillie was in heaven, an' I WAS, but I do want to see +him again awful." + +"Wantsh to shee Phillie aden awfoo," said Toddie, as I kissed Budge and +hurried off to the library, unfit just then to administer farther +instruction or reproof. Of one thing I was very certain--I wished the +rain would cease falling, so the children could go out of doors, and I +could get a little rest, and freedom from responsibility. But the skies +showed no signs of being emptied, the boys were snarling on the +stairway, and I was losing my temper quite rapidly. + +Suddenly I bethought me of one of the delights of my own childish +days--the making of scrap-books. One of Tom's library drawers held a +great many Lady's Journals. Of course Helen meant to have them bound, +but I could easily repurchase the numbers for her; they would cost two +or three dollars; but peace was cheap at that price. On a high shelf in +the playroom I had seen some supplementary volumes of "Mercantile +Agency" reports which would in time reach the rag-bag; there was a +bottle of mucilage in the library-desk, and the children owned an old +pair of scissors. Within five minutes I had located two happy children +on the bath-room floor, taught them to cut out pictures (which +operation I quickly found they understood as well as I did) and to +paste them into the extemporized scrap-book. Then I left them, +recalling something from Newman Hall's address on "The Dignity of +Labor." Why hadn't I thought before of showing my nephews some way of +occupying their mind and hands? Who could blame the helpless little +things for following every prompting of their unguided minds? Had I not +a hundred times been told, when sent to the wood-pile or the weediest +part of the garden in my youthful days, that + + "Satan finds some mischief still + For idle hands to do?" + +"Never again would I blame children for being mischievous when their +minds were neglected. + +I spent a peaceful, pleasant hour over my novel, when I felt that a +fresh cigar would be acceptable. Going up-stairs in search of one I +found that Budge had filled the bathtub with water, and was sailing +boats, that is, hair-brushes. Even this seemed too mild an offense to +call for a rebuke, so I passed on without disturbing him, and went to +my own room. I heard Toddie's voice, and having heard from my sister +that Toddie's conversations with himself were worth listening to, I +paused outside the door. I heard Toddie softly murmur:-- + +"Zere, pitty yady, 'tay ZERE. Now, 'ittle boy, I put you wif your +mudder, tause mudders likes zere 'ittle boys wif zem. An' you sall have +'ittle sister tudder side of you,--zere. Now, 'ittle boy's an' 'ittle +girl's mudder, don't you feel happy?--isn't I awfoo good to give you +your 'ittle tsilderns? You ought to say, 'Fank you, Toddie,--you'se a +nice, fweet 'ittle djentleman.'" + +I peered cautiously--then I entered the room hastily. I didn't say +anything for a moment, for it was impossible to do justice, impromptu, +to the subject. Toddie had a progressive mind--if pictorial +ornamentation was good for old books, why should not similar +ornamentation be extended to objects more likely to be seen? Such may +not have been Toddie's line of thought, but his recent operations +warranted such a supposition. He had cut out a number of pictures, and +pasted them upon the wall of my room--my sister's darling room, with +its walls tinted exquisitely in pink. As a member of a hanging +committee, Toddie would hardly have satisfied taller people, but he had +arranged the pictures quite regularly, at about the height of his own +eyes, had favored no one artist more than another, and had hung +indiscriminately figure pieces, landscapes, and genre pictures. The +temporary break of wall-line, occasioned by the door communicating with +his own room, he had overcome by closing the door and carrying a line +of pictures across its lower panels. Occasionally, a picture fell off +the wall, but the mucilage remained faithful, and glistened with its +fervor of devotion. And yet so untouched was I by this artistic +display, that when I found strength to shout "Toddie!" it was in a tone +which caused this industrious amateur decorator to start violently, and +drop his mucilage-bottle, open end first, upon the carpet. + +"What will mamma say?" I asked. + +Toddie gazed, first blankly and then inquiringly, into my face; finding +no answer or sympathy there, he burst into tears, and replied:-- + +"I dunno." + +The ringing of the lunch-bell changed Toddie from a tearful cherub into +a very practical, business-like boy, and shouting "Come on, Budge!" he +hurried down-stairs, while I tormented myself with wonder as to how I +could best and most quickly undo the mischief Toddie had done. + +I will concede to my nephews the credit of keeping reasonably quiet +during meals; their tongues doubtless longed to be active in both the +principal capacities of those useful members, but they had no doubt as +to how to choose between silence and hunger. The result was a +reasonably comfortable half-hour. Just as I began to cut a melon, Budge +broke the silence by exclaiming:-- + +"O Uncle Harry, we haven't been out to see the goat to-day!" + +"Budge," I replied, "I'll carry you out there under an umbrella after +lunch, and you may play with that goat all the afternoon, if you like." + +"Oh, won't that be nice?" exclaimed Budge. "The poor goat! he'll think +I don't love him a bit, 'cause I haven't been to see him to-day. Does +goats go to heaven when they die, Uncle Harry?" + +"Guess not--they'd make trouble in the golden streets, I'm afraid." + +"Oh, dear! then Phillie can't see my goat. I'm so awful sorry," said +Budge. + +"_I_ can see your goat, Budgie," suggested Toddie. + +"Huh!" said Budge, very contemptuously. "YOU ain't dead." + +"Well, Izhe GOIN' to be dead some day 'an zen your nashty old goat +sha'n't see me a bit--see how he like ZAT." And Toddie made a ferocious +attack on a slice of melon nearly as large as himself. + +After lunch Toddie was sent to his room to take his afternoon nap, and +Budge went to the barn on my shoulders. I gave Mike a dollar, with +instructions to keep Budge in sight, to keep him from teasing the goat, +and to prevent his being impaled or butted. Then I stretched myself on +a lounge, and wondered whether only half a day of daylight had elapsed +since I and the most adorable woman in the world had been so happy +together. How much happier I would be when next I met her! The very +torments of this rainy day would make my joy seem all the dearer and +more intense. I dreamed happily for a few moments with my eyes open, +and then somehow they closed, without my knowledge. What put into my +mind the wreck-scene from the play of "David Copperfield," I don't +know; but there it came, and in my dream I was sitting in the balcony +at Booth's, and taking a proper interest in the scene, when it occurred +to me that the thunder had less of reverberation and more woodenness +than good stage thunder should have. The mental exertion I underwent on +this subject disturbed the course of my nap, but as wakefulness +returned, the sound of the poorly simulated thunder did not cease; on +the contrary, it was just as noisy, and more hopelessly a counterfeit +than ever. What could the sound be? I stepped through the window to the +piazza, and the sound was directly over my head. I sprang down the +terrace and out upon the lawn, looked up, and beheld my youngest nephew +strutting back and forth on the tin roof of the piazza, holding over +his head a ragged old parasol. I roared-- + +"Go in, Toddie--this instant!" + +The sound of my voice startled the young man so severely that he lost +his footing, fell, and began to roll toward the edge and to scream, +both operations being performed with great rapidity. I ran to catch him +as he fell, but the outer edge of the water-trough was high enough to +arrest his progress, though it had no effect in reducing the volume of +his howls. + +"Toddie," I shouted, "lie perfectly still until uncle can get to you. +Do you hear?" + +"Ess, but don't want to lie 'till," came in reply from the roof. +"'Tan't shee noffin' but sky an' rain." + +"Lie still," I reiterated, "or I'll whip you dreadfully." Then I dashed +up-stairs, removed my shoes, climbed out and rescued Toddie, shook him +soundly, and then shook myself. + +"I wazh only djust pyayin' mamma, an' walkin' in ze yain wif an +umbayalla," Toddie explained. + +I threw him upon his bed and departed. It was plain that neither logic, +threats, nor the presence of danger could keep this dreadful child from +doing whatever he chose; what other means of restraint could be +employed? Although not as religious a man as my good mother could wish, +I really wondered whether prayer, as a last resort, might not be +effective. For his good, and my own peace, I would cheerfully have read +through the whole prayer-book. I could hardly have done it just then, +though, for Mike solicited an audience at the back door, and reported +that Budge had given the carriage-sponge to the goat, put handfuls of +oats into the pump-cylinder, pulled hairs out of the black mare's tail, +and with a sharp nail drawn pictures on the enamel of the +carriage-body. Budge made no denial, but looked very much aggrieved, +and remarked that he couldn't never be happy without somebody having to +go get bothered; and he wished there wasn't nobody in the world but +organ-grinders and candy-store men. He followed me into the house, +flung himself into a chair, put on a look which I imagine Byron wore +before he was old enough to be malicious, and exclaimed:-- + +"I don't see what little boys was made for anyhow; if ev'rybody gets +cross with them, an' don't let 'em do what they want to. I'll bet when +I get to heaven, the Lord won't be as ugly to me as Mike is,--an' some +other folks, too. I wish I could die and be buried right away,--me an' +the goat--an' go to heaven, where we wouldn't be scolded." + +Poor little fellow! First I laughed inwardly at his idea of heaven, and +then I wondered whether my own was very different from it, or any more +creditable. I had no time to spend even in pious reflection, however. +Budge was quite wet, his shoes were soaking, and he already had an +attack of catarrh; so I took him to his room and re-dressed him, +wondering all the while how much similar duties my own father had had +to do by me had shortened his life, and how, with such a son as I was, +he lived as long as he did. The idea that I was in some slight degree +atoning for my early sins, so filled my thoughts, that I did not at +first notice the absence of Toddie. When it DID become evident to me +that my youngest nephew was not in the bed in which I had placed him, I +went in search of him. He was in none of the chambers, but hearing +gentle murmurs issue from a long, light closet, I looked in and saw +Toddie sitting on the floor, and eating the cheese out of a mouse-trap. +A squeak of my boots betrayed me, and Toddie, equal to the emergency, +sprang to his feet and exclaimed:-- + +"I didn't hurt de 'ittle mousie one bittie; I just letted him out, and +he runded away." + +And still it rained. Oh, for a single hour of sunlight, so that the mud +might be only damp dirt, and the children could play without tormenting +other people! But it was not to be; slowly, and by the aid of songs, +stories, an improvised menagerie, in which I personated every animal, +besides playing ostrich and armadillo, and a great many disagreements, +the afternoon wore to its close, and my heart slowly lightened. Only an +hour or two more, and the children would be in bed for the night, and +then I would enjoy, in unutterable measure, the peaceful hours which +would be mine. Even now they were inclined to behave themselves; they +were tired and hungry, and stretched themselves on the floor, to await +dinner. I embraced the opportunity to return to my book, but I had +hardly read a page, when a combined crash and scream summoned me to the +dining-room. On the floor lay Toddie, a great many dishes, a roast leg +of lamb, several ears of green corn, the butter-dish and its contents, +and several other misplaced edibles. One thing was quite evident; the +scalding contents of the gravy-dish had been emptied on Toddie's arm, +and how severely the poor child might be scalded I did not know. I +hastily slit open his sleeve from wrist to shoulder, and found the skin +very red; so, remembering my mother's favorite treatment for scalds and +burns, I quickly spread the contents of a dish of mashed potato on a +clean handkerchief, and wound the whole around Toddie's arm as a +poultice. Then I demanded an explanation. + +"I was only djust reatchin for a pieshe of bwed," sobbed Toddie, "an' +then the bad old tabo beginded to froe all its fings at me, an' tumble +down bang." + +He undoubtedly told the truth as far as he knew it, but reaching over +tables is a bad habit in small boys, especially when their mothers +cling to old-fashioned heirlooms of tables, which have folding leaves; +so I banished Toddie to his room, supperless, to think of what he had +done. With Budge alone, I had a comfortable dinner off the salvage from +the wreck caused by Toddie, and then I went up-stairs to see if the +offender had repented. It was hard to tell, by sight, whether he had or +not, for his back was to me, as he flattened his nose against the +window, but I could see that my poultice was gone. + +"Where is what uncle put on your arm, Toddie?" I asked. + +"I ate it up," said the truthful youth. + +"Did you eat the handkerchief, too?" + +"No; I froed nashty old handkerchief out the window--don't want dirty +old handkerchiefs in my nice 'ittle room." + +I was so glad that his burn had been slight that I forgave the insult +to my handkerchief and called up Budge, so that I might at once get +both boys into bed, and emerge from the bondage in which I had lived +all day long. But the task was no easy one. Of course my +brother-in-law, Tom Lawrence, knows better than any other man the +necessities of his own children, but no children of mine shall ever be +taught so many methods of imposing upon parental good nature. Their +program called for stories, songs, moral conversations, frolics, the +presentation of pennies, the dropping of the same, at long intervals, +into tin savings banks, followed by a deafening shaking-up of both +banks; then a prayer must be offered, and no conventional one would be +tolerated; then the boys performed their own devotions, after which I +was allowed to depart with an interchange of "God bless you's." As this +evening I left the room with their innocent benedictions sounding in my +ears, a sense of personal weakness, induced by the events of the day, +moved me to fervently respond "Amen!" + +Mothers of American boys, accept from me a tribute of respect, which no +words can fitly express--of wonder greater than any of the great things +of the world ever inspired--of adoration as earnest and devout as the +Catholic pays to the Virgin. In a single day, I, a strong man, with +nothing else to occupy my mind, am reduced to physical and mental +worthlessness by the necessities of two boys not overmischievous or +bad. And you--Heaven only knows how--have unbroken weeks, months, +years, yes, lifetimes of just such experiences, and with them the +burden of household cares, of physical ills and depressions, of mental +anxieties that pierce your hearts with as many sorrows as grieved the +Holy Mother of old. Compared with thy endurance, that of the young man, +the athlete, is as weakness; the secret of thy nerves, wonderful even +in their weakness, is as great as that of the power of the winds. To +display decision, thy opportunities are more frequent than those of the +greatest statesman; thy heroism laughs into insignificance that of fort +and field; thou art trained in a school of diplomacy such as the most +experienced court cannot furnish. Do scoffers say thou canst not hold +the reins of government? Easier is it to rule a band of savages than to +be the successful autocrat of thy little kingdom. Compared with the +ways of men, even thy failures are full of glory. Be thy faults what +they may, thy one great, mysterious, unapproachable success places +thee, in desert, far above warrior, rabbi or priest. + +The foregoing soliloquy passed through my mind as I lay upon the bed +where I had thrown myself after leaving the children's room. Whatever +else attempted to affect me mentally found my mind a blank until the +next morning, when I awoke to realize that I had dropped asleep just +where I fell, and that I had spent nearly twelve hours lying across a +bed in an uncomfortable position, and without removing my daily attire. +My next impression was that quite a bulky letter had been pushed under +my chamber-door. Could it be that my darling--I hastily seized the +envelope and found it addressed in my sister's writing, and promising a +more voluminous letter than that lady had ever before honored me with. +I opened it, dropping an enclosure which doubtless was a list of +necessities which I would please pack, etc., and read as follows:-- + + +"JULY 1, 1875. + +"MY DEAR OLD BROTHER:--WOULDN'T I like to give you the warmest of +sisterly hugs? I can't believe it, and yet I'm in ecstasies over it. To +think that you should have got that perfection of a girl, who has +declined so many great catches--YOU, my sober, business-like, +unromantic big brother--oh, it's too wonderful! But now I think of it, +you're just the people for each other. I'd like to say that it's just +what I'd always longed for, and that I invited you to Hillcrest to +bring it about; but the trouble with such a story would be that it +wouldn't have a word of truth in it. You always DID have a faculty of +doing just what you pleased, and what nobody ever expected you to do, +but now you've exceeded yourself. + +"And to think that my little darlings played an important part in +bringing it all about! I shall take the credit for THAT, for if it +hadn't been for me, who would have helped you, sir? I shall expect you +to remember both of them handsomely at Christmas. + +"I don't believe I'm guilty of a breach of confidence in sending the +enclosed, which I have just received from my sister-in-law that is to +be. It will tell you some causes of your success of which you, with a +man's conceit, haven't imagined for a minute, and it will tell you, +too, of a maiden's first and natural fear under such circumstances,--a +fear which I know that you, with your honest, generous heart, will +hasten to dispel. As you're a man, you're quite likely to be too stupid +to read what's written between the lines; so I'd better tell you that +Alice's fear is that in letting herself go so easily she may have +seemed to lack proper reserve and self-respect. You don't need to be +told that no woman alive has more of these very qualities. + +"Bless your dear old heart, Harry,--you deserve to be shaken to death +if you're not the happiest man alive. I MUST hurry home and see you +both with my own eyes, and learn to believe that all this wonderful +glorious thing has come to pass. Give Alice a sister's kiss from me (if +you know how to give more than one kind), and give my cherubs a hundred +each from the mother that wants to see them so much. + +"With love and congratulations, + +"HELEN." + + +The other letter, which I opened with considerable reverence and more +delight, ran as follows:-- + + +"HILLCREST, June 29, 1875. + +"DEAR FRIEND HELEN:--Something has happened, and I am very happy, but I +am more than a little troubled over it, too, and as you are one of the +persons nearly concerned, I am going to confess to you as soon as +possible. Harry--your brother, I mean--will be sure to tell you very +soon, if he hasn't done so already, and I want to make all possible +haste to solemnly assure you that _I_ hadn't the slightest idea of such +a thing coming to pass, and I didn't do the slightest thing to bring it +about. + +"I always thought your brother was a splendid fellow, and have never +been afraid to express my mind about him, when there was no one but +girls to listen. But out here I've somehow learned to admire him more +than ever. I cheerfully acquit HIM of intentionally doing anything to +create a favorable impression; if his several appearances before me +HAVE been studied, he is certainly the most original being I ever heard +of. Your children are angels--you've told me so yourself, and I've my +own very distinct impression on the subject, but they DON'T study to +save their uncle's appearance. The figures that unfortunate man has cut +several times--well, I won't try to describe them on paper, for fear he +might some day see a scrap of it, and take offense. But he always seems +to be patient with them, and devoted to them, and I haven't been able +to keep from seeing that a man who could be so lovable with thoughtless +and unreasonable children must be perfectly adorable to the woman he +loved, if she were a woman at all. Still, I hadn't the faintest idea +that I would be the fortunate woman. At last THE day came, but I was in +blissful ignorance of what was to happen. Your little Charley hurt +himself, and insisted upon Har--your brother singing an odd song to +him; and just when the young gentleman was doing the elegant to a dozen +of us ladies at once, too! If you COULD have seen his face!--it was too +funny, until he got over his annoyance, and began to feel properly +sorry for the little fellow--then he seemed all at once to be all +tenderness and heart, and I DID wish for a moment that +conventionalities didn't exist, and I might tell him that he was a +model. Then your youngest playfully spilt a plate of soup on my dress +(don't be worried--'twas only a common muslin, and 'twill wash). Of +course I had to change it, and as I retired the happy thought struck me +that I'd make so elaborate a toilet that I wouldn't finish in time to +join the other ladies for the usual evening walk; consequence, I would +have a chance to monopolize a gentleman for half an hour or more--a +chance which, no thanks to the gentlemen who don't come to Hillcrest, +no lady here has had this season. Every time I peered through the +blinds to see if the other girls had started, I could see HIM, looking +so distressed, and brooding over those two children as if he was their +mother, and he seemed so good. He seemed pleased to see ME when I +appeared, and coming from such a man, the implied compliment was fully +appreciated; everything he said to me seemed a little more worth +hearing than if it had come from any man not so good. Then suddenly +your eldest insisted on retailing the result of a conversation he had +had with his uncle, and the upshot was that Harry declared himself; he +wasn't romantic a bit, but he was real straightforward and manly, while +I was so completely taken aback that I couldn't think of a thing to +say. Then the impudent fellow kissed me, and I lost my tongue worse +than ever. If I had known anything of his feelings beforehand, I should +have been prepared to behave more properly; but--O Helen, I'm so glad I +DIDN'T know! I should be the happiest being that ever lived, if I +wasn't afraid that you and your husband might think that I had given +myself away too hastily. As to other people, we will see that they +don't know a word about it for months to come. + +"DO write that I was not to blame, and make believe accept me as a +sister, because I CAN'T offer to give Harry up to any one else you may +have picked out for him. + +"Your sincere friend, + +"ALICE MAYTON." + + +Was there ever so delightful a reveille? All the boyishness in me +seemed suddenly to come to the surface, and instead of saying and doing +the decorous things which novelists' heroes do under similar +circumstances, I shouted "Hurrah!" and danced into the children's room +so violently that Budge sat up in bed, and regarded me with reproving +eyes, while Toddie burst into a happy laugh, and volunteered as a +partner in the dance. Then I realized that the rain was over, and the +sun was shining--I could take Alice out for another drive, and until +then the children could take care of themselves. I remembered suddenly, +and with a sharp pang, that my vacation was nearly at an end, and I +found myself consuming with impatience to know how much longer Alice +would remain at Hillcrest. It would be cruel to wish her in the city +before the end of August, yet I-- + +"Uncle Harry," said Budge, "my papa says 'tisn't nice for folks to sit +down and go to thinkin' before they've brushed their hair +mornin's--that's what he tells ME." + +"I beg your pardon, Budge," said I, springing up in some confusion; "I +was thinking over a matter of a great deal of importance." + +"What was it--my goat?" + +"No--of course not. Don't be silly, Budge." + +"Well, I think about him a good deal, an' I don't think it's silly a +bit. I hope he'll go to heaven when he dies. Do angels have +goat-carriages, Uncle Harry?" + +"No, old fellow--they can go about without carriages." + +"When _I_ goesh to hebben," said Toddie, rising in bed, "Izhe goin' to +have lots of goat-cawidjes an' Izhe goin' to tate all ze andjels a +widen." + +With many other bits of prophecy and celestial description I was +regaled as I completed my toilet, and I hurried out of doors for an +opportunity to think without disturbance. Strolling past the henyard I +saw a meditative turtle, and picking him up and shouting to my nephews +I held the reptile up for their inspection. Their window-blinds flew +open, and a unanimous though not exactly harmonious "Oh!" greeted my +prize. + +"Where did you get it, Uncle Harry?" asked Budge. + +"Down by the hen-coop." + +Budge's eyes opened wide; he seemed to devote a moment to profound +thought, and then he exclaimed:-- + +"Why, I don't see how the hens COULD lay such a big thing--just put him +in your hat till I come down, will you?" + +I dropped the turtle in Budge's wheelbarrow, and made a tour of the +flower-borders. The flowers, always full of suggestion to me, seemed +suddenly to have new charms and powers; they actually impelled me to +try to make rhymes,--me, a steady white-goods salesman! The impulse was +too strong to be resisted, though I must admit that the results were +pitifully meager:-- + + "As radiant as that matchless rose + Which poet-artists fancy; + As fair as whitest lily-blows, + As modest as the pansy; + As pure as dew which hides within + Aurora's sun-kissed chalice; + As tender as the primrose sweet-- + All this, and more, is Alice." + +In inflicting this fragment upon the reader, I have not the faintest +idea that he can discover any merit in it; I quote it only that a +subsequent experience of mine may be more intelligible. When I had +composed these wretched lines I became conscious that I had neither +pencil nor paper wherewith to preserve them. Should I lose them--my +first self-constructed poem? Never! This was not the first time in +which I had found it necessary to preserve words by memory alone. So I +repeated my ridiculous lines over and over again, until the eloquent +feeling of which they were the graceless expression inspired me to +accompany my recital with gestures. Six--eight--ten--a dozen--twenty +times I repeated these lines, each time with additional emotion and +gestures, when a thin voice, very near me, remarked:-- + +"Ocken Hawwy, you does djust as if you was swimmin'." + +Turning, I beheld my nephew Toddie--how long he had been behind me I +had no idea. He looked earnestly into my eyes and then remarked:-- + +"Ocken Hawwy, your faysh is wed, djust like a wosy-posy." + +"Let's go right in to breakfast, Toddie," said I aloud, as I grumbled +to myself about the faculty of observation which Tom's children seemed +to have. + +Immediately after breakfast I despatched Mike with a note to Alice, +informing her that I would be glad to drive her to the Falls in the +afternoon calling for her at two. Then I placed myself unreservedly at +the disposal of the boys for the morning, it being distinctly +understood that they must not expect to see me between lunch and +dinner. I was first instructed to harness the goat, which order I +obeyed, and I afterward watched that grave animal as he drew my nephews +up and down the carriage-road, his countenance as demure as if he had +no idea of suddenly departing when my back should be turned. The wheels +of the goat carriage uttered the most heartrending noises I had ever +heard from ungreased axle; so I persuaded the boys to dismount, and +submit to the temporary unharnessing of the goat, while I should +lubricate the axles. Half an hour of dirty work sufficed, with such +assistance as I gained from juvenile advice, to accomplish the task +properly; then I put the horned steed into the shafts, Budge cracked +the whip, the carriage moved off without noise, and Toddie began to +weep bitterly. + +"Cawwidge is all bwoke," said he; "WHEELSH DON'T SING A BITTIE NO +MORE," while Budge remarked:-- + +"I think the carriage sounds kind o' lonesome now, don't you, Uncle +Harry?" + +"Uncle Harry," asked Budge, a little later in the morning, "do you know +what makes the thunder?" + +"Yes, Budge--when two clouds go bump into each other they make a good +deal of noise, and they call it thunder." + +"That ain't it at all," said Budge. "When it thundered yesterday it was +because the Lord was riding along through the sky and the wheels of his +carriage made an awful noise, an' that was the thunder." + +"Don't like nashty old 'funder," remarked Toddie. "It goesh into our +cellar an' makesh all ze milk sour--Maggie said so. An' so I can't hazh +no nice white tea for my brepspup." + +"I should think you'd like the Lord to go a ridin', Toddie, with all +the angels running after him," said Budge, "even if the thunder DOES +make the milk sour. And 'tis so splendid to SEE the thunder bang." + +"How do you see it, Budge?" I asked. + +"Why, don't you know when the thunder bangs, and then you see an awful +bright place in the sky?--that's where the Lord's carriage gives an +awful pound, and makes little cracks through the floor of heaven, an' +we see right in. But what's the reason we can't ever see anybody +through the cracks, Uncle Harry?" + +"I don't know--old fellow,--I guess it's because it isn't cracks in +heaven that look so bright,--it's a kind of fire that the Lord makes up +in the clouds. You'll know all about it when you get bigger." + +"Well, I'll feel awful sorry if 'tain't anything but fire. Do you know +that funny song my papa sings 'bout:-- + + "'Roarin' thunders, lightenin's blazes, + Shout the great Creator's praises?'" + +I don't know zactly what it means, but I think it's kind o' splendid, +don't you?" + +I DID know the old song; I had heard it in a Western camp-meeting, when +scarcely older than Budge, and it left upon my mind just the effect it +seemed to have done on his. I blessed his sympathetic young heart, and +snatched him into my arms. Instantly he became all boy again. + +"Uncle Harry," he shouted, "you crawl on your hands and knees and play +you was a horse, and I'll ride on your back." + +"No, thank you, Budge, not on the dirt." + +"Then let's play menagerie, an' you be all the animals." + +To this proposition I assented, and after hiding ourselves in one of +the retired angles of the house, so that no one could know who was +guilty of disturbing the peace by such dire noises, the performance +commenced. I was by turns a bear, a lion, a zebra, an elephant, dogs of +various kinds, and a cat. As I personated the latter-named animals, +Toddie echoed my voice. + +"Miauw! Miauw!" said he, "dat's what cats saysh when they goesh down +wells." + +"Faith, an' it's him that knows," remarked Mike, who had invited +himself to a free seat in the menagerie, and assisted in the applause +which had greeted each personation. + +"Would ye belave it, Misther Harry, dhat young dhivil got out the front +door one mornin' afore sunroise, all in his little noight-gown, an' +wint over to the doctor's an' picked up a kitten lyin' on the kitchen +door-mat, an' throwed it down dhe well. The docthor wasn't home, but +the missis saw him, an' her heart was dhat tindher that she hurried out +and throwed boords down for dhe poor little baste to stand on, an' let +down a hoe on a sthring, an' whin she got dhe poor little dhing out, +she was dhat faint that she dhrapped on dhe grass. An' it cost Mr. +Lawrence nigh onto thirty dollars to have dhe docthor's well claned +out." + +"Yes," said Toddie, who had listened carefully to Mike's recital, "an' +kitty-kitty said, 'Miauw! Miauw!' when she goed down ze well. An' Mish +Doctor sed, 'Bad boy--go home--don't never tum to my housh no +more,'--dat's what she said to me. Now be some more animals, Ocken +Hawwy. Can't you be a whay-al?" + +"Whales don't make a noise, Toddie; they only splash about in the +water." + +"Zen grop in the cistern an' 'plash, can't you?" + +Lunch-time, and after it the time for Toddie to take his nap. Poor +Budge was bereft of a playmate, for the doctor's little girl was sick; +so he quietly followed me about with a wistful face, that almost +persuaded me to take him with me on my drive--OUR drive. Had he +grumbled, I would have felt less uncomfortable; but there's nothing so +touching and overpowering to either gods or men as the spectacle of +mute resignation. At last, to my great relief, he opened his mouth. + +"Uncle Harry," said he, "do you 'spose folks ever get lonesome in +heaven?" + +"I guess not, Budge." + +"Do little boy-angels' papas an' mammas go off visitin', an' stay so +long?" + +"I don't exactly know, Budge, but if they do, the little boy-angels +have plenty of other little boy-angels to play with, so they can't very +well be lonesome." + +"Well, I don't b'leeve they could make ME happy, when I wanted to see +my papa an' mamma. When I haven't got anybody to play with, then I want +papa an' mamma SO bad--so bad as if I would die if I didn't see 'em +right away." + +I was shaving, and only half-done, but I hastily wiped off my face, +dropped into a rocking-chair, took the forlorn little boy into my arms, +and kissed him, caressed him, sympathized with him, and devoted myself +entirely to the task and pleasure of comforting him. His sober little +face gradually assumed a happier appearance; his lips parted in such +lines as no old master ever put upon angel lips; his eyes from being +dim and hopeless, grew warm and lustrous and melting. At last he said:-- + +"Uncle Harry, I'm EVER so happy now. An' can't Mike go around with me +and the goat all the time you're away riding? An' bring us home some +candy, an' marbles--oh, yes--an' a new dog." + +Anxious as I was to hurry off to meet my engagement, I was rather +disgusted as I unseated Budge and returned to my razor. So long as he +was lonesome and I was his only hope, words couldn't express his +devotion, but the moment he had, through my efforts, regained his +spirits, his only use for me was to ask further favors. Yet in trying +the poor boy, judicially, the evidence was more dangerous to humanity +in general than to Budge; it threw a great deal of light upon my own +peculiar theological puzzles, and almost convinced me that my duty was +to preach a new gospel. + +As I drove up to the steps of Mrs. Clarkson's boarding-house it seemed +to me a month had elapsed since last I was there, and this apparent +lapse of time was all that prevented my ascribing to miraculous +agencies the wonderful and delightful change that Alice's countenance +had undergone in two short days. Composure, quickness of perception, +the ability to guard one's self, are indications of character which are +particularly in place in the countenance of a young lady in society, +but when, without losing these, the face takes on the radiance born of +love and trust, the effect is indescribably charming--especially to the +eyes of the man who causes the change. Longer, more out-of-the-way +roads between Hillcrest and the Falls I venture to say were never known +than I drove over that afternoon, and my happy companion, who in other +days I had imagined might one day, by her decision, alertness and force +exceed the exploits of Lady Baker or Miss Tinne, never once asked if I +was sure we were on the right road. Only a single cloud came over her +brow, and of this I soon learned the cause. + +"Harry," said she, pressing closer to my side, and taking an appealing +tone, "do you love me well enough to endure something unpleasant for my +sake?" + +My answer was not verbally expressed, but its purport seemed to be +understood and accepted, for Alice continued:-- + +"I wouldn't undo a bit of what's happened--I'm the happiest, proudest +woman in the world. But we HAVE been very hasty, for people who have +been mere acquaintances. And mother is dreadfully opposed to such +affairs--she is of the old style, you know." + +"It was all my fault," said I. "I'll apologize promptly and handsomely. +The time and agony which I didn't consume in laying siege to your heart +I'll devote to the task of gaining your mother's good graces." + +The look I received in reply to this remark would have richly repaid me +had my task been to conciliate as many mothers-in-law as Brigham Young +possesses. But her smile faded as she said:-- + +"You don't know what a task you have before you. Mother has a very +tender heart, but it's thoroughly fenced in by proprieties. In her day +and set, courtship was a very slow, stately affair, and mother believes +it the proper way now; so do I, but I admit possible exceptions, and +mother doesn't. I'm afraid she won't be patient if she knows the whole +truth, yet I can't bear to keep it from her. I'm her only child, you +know." + +"DON'T keep it from her," said I, "unless for some reason of your own. +Let me tell the whole story, take all the responsibility, and accept +the penalties, if there are any. Your mother is right in principle, if +there IS a certain delightful exception that we know of." + +"My only fear is for YOU," said my darling, nestling closer to me. "She +comes of a family that can display most glorious indignation when +there's a good excuse for it, and I can't bear to think of YOU being +the cause of such an outbreak." + +"I've faced the ugliest of guns in honor of one form of love, little +girl," I replied, "and I could do even more for the sentiment for which +YOU'RE to blame. And for my own sake, I'd rather endure anything than a +sense of having deceived any one, especially the mother of such a +daughter. Besides, you're her dearest treasure, and she has a right to +know of even the least thing that in any way concerns you." + +"And you're a noble fellow, and--" Whatever other sentiment my +companion failed to put into words was impulsively and eloquently +communicated by her dear eyes. + +But oh, what a cowardly heart your dear cheek rested upon an instant +later, fair Alice! Not for the first time in my life did I shrink and +tremble at the realization of what duty imperatively required--not for +the first time did I go through a harder battle than was ever fought +with sword and cannon, and a battle with greater possibilities of +danger than the field ever offered. I won it, as a man must do in such +fights, if he deserves to live; but I could not help feeling +considerably sobered on our homeward drive. + +We neared the house, and I had an insane fancy that instead of driving +two horses I was astride of one, with spurs at my heels and a saber at +my side. + +"Let me talk to her NOW, Alice, won't you? Delays are only cowardly." + +A slight trembling at my side,--an instant of silence that seemed an +hour, yet within which I could count but six footfalls, and Alice +replied:-- + +"Yes; if the parlor happens to be empty, I'll ask her if she won't go +in and see you a moment." Then there came a look full of tenderness, +wonder, painful solicitude, and then two dear eyes filled with tears. + +"We're nearly there, darling," said I, with a reassuring embrace. + +"Yes, and you sha'n't be the only hero," said she, straightening +herself proudly, and looking a fit model for a Cenobia. + +As we passed from behind a clump of evergreens which hid the house from +our view, I involuntarily exclaimed, "Gracious!" Upon the piazza stood +Mrs. Mayton; at her side stood my two nephews, as dirty in face, in +clothing, as I had ever seen them. I don't know but that for a moment I +freely forgave them, for their presence might grant me the respite +which a sense of duty would not allow me to take. + +"Wezhe comed up to wide home wif you," exclaimed Toddie, as Mrs. Mayton +greeted me with an odd mixture of courtesy, curiosity and humor. Alice +led the way into the parlor whispered to her mother, and commenced to +make a rapid exit, when Mrs. Mayton called her back, and motioned her +to a chair. Alice and I exchanged sidelong glances. + +"Alice says you wish to speak with me, Mr. Burton," said she. "I wonder +whether the subject is one upon which I have this afternoon received a +minute verbal account from the elder Master Lawrence." + +"If you refer to an apparently unwarrantable intrusion upon your family +circle, Mrs.--" + +"I do, sir," replied the old lady. "Between the statements made by that +child, and the hitherto unaccountable change in my daughter's looks +during two or three days, I think I have got at the truth of the +matter. If the offender were any one else, I should be inclined to be +severe; but we mothers of only daughters are apt to have a pretty +distinct idea of the merits of young men, and--" + +The old lady dropped her head; I sprang to my feet, seized her hand, +and reverently kissed it; then Mrs. Mayton, whose only son had died +fifteen years before, raised her head and adopted me in the manner +peculiar to mothers, while Alice burst into tears and kissed us both. + +A few moments later, as three happy people were occupying conventional +attitudes, and trying to compose faces which should bear the inspection +of whoever might happen into the parlor, Mrs. Mayton observed:-- + +"My children, between us this matter is understood, but I must caution +you against acting in such a way as to make the engagement public at +once." + +"Trust me for that," hastily exclaimed Alice. + +"And me," said I. + +"I have no doubt of the intentions and discretion of either of you," +resumed Mrs. Mayton, "but you cannot possibly be too cautious." Here a +loud laugh from the shrubbery under the windows drowned Mrs. Mayton's +voice for a moment, but she continued: "Servants, children,"--here she +smiled, and I dropped my head--"persons you may chance to meet--" + +Again the laugh broke forth under the window. + +"What CAN those girls be laughing at?" exclaimed Alice, moving toward +the window, followed by her mother and me. + +Seated in a semicircle on the grass were most of the ladies boarding at +Mrs. Clarkson's, and in front of them stood Toddie, in that high state +of excitement to which sympathetic applause always raises him. + +"Say it again," said one of the ladies. + +Toddie put on an expression of profound wisdom, made violent gestures +with both hands and repeated the following, with frequent +gesticulations:-- + + "Azh wadiant azh ze matchless wose + Zat poeck-artuss fanshy; + Azh fair azh whituss lily-blowzh; + Azh moduss azh a panzhy; + Azh pure azh dew zat hides wiffin + Awwahwah's sun-tissed tsallish; + Azh tender azh ze pwimwose fweet + All zish, and moah, izh Alish." + +I gasped for breath. + +"Who taught you all that, Toddie?" asked one of the ladies. + +"Nobody didn't taught me--I lyned [Footnote: learned] it." + +"When did you learn it?" + +"Lyned it zish mornin'. Ocken Hawwy said it over, an' over, an' over, +djust yots of timezh, out in ze garden." + +The ladies all exchanged glances--my lady readers will understand just +how, and I assure gentlemen that I did not find their glances at all +hard to read. Alice looked at me inquiringly, and she now tells me that +I blushed sheepishly and guiltily. Poor Mrs. Mayton staggered to a +chair, and exclaimed:-- + +"Too late! too late!" + +Considering their recent achievements, Toddie and Budge were a very +modest couple as I drove them home that evening. Budge even made some +attempt at apologizing for their appearance, saying that they couldn't +find Maggie, and COULDN'T wait any longer; but I assured him that no +apology was necessary. I was in such excellent spirits that my feeling +became contagious; and we sang songs, told stories, and played +ridiculous games most of the evening, paying but little attention to +the dinner that was set for us. + +"Uncle Harry," said Budge, suddenly, "do you know we haven't ever +sung,--'Drown old Pharaoh's Army Hallelujah,' since you've been here? +Let's do it now." "All right, old fellow." I knew the song--such as +there was of it--and its chorus, as EVERY one does who ever heard the +Jubilee Singers render it; but I scarcely understood the meaning of the +preparations which Budge made. He drew a large rocking-chair into the +middle of the room, and exclaimed:-- + +"There, Uncle Harry--you sit down. Come along, Tod--you sit on that +knee, and I'll sit on this. Lift up both hands, Tod, like I do. Now +we're all ready, Uncle Harry." + +I sang the first line,-- + +"When Israel was in bondage, they cried unto de Lord," without any +assistance, but the boys came in powerfully on the refrain, beating +time simultaneously with their four fists upon my chest. I cannot think +it strange that I suddenly ceased singing, but the boys viewed my +action from a different standpoint. + +"What makes you stop, Uncle Harry?" asked Budge. + +"Because you hurt me badly, my boy; you mustn't do that again." + +"Why, I guess you ain't very strong; that's the way we do to papa, an' +it don't hurt HIM." + +Poor Tom! No wonder he grows flat--chested. + +"Guesh you's a ky--baby," suggested Toddie. + +This imputation I bore with meekness, but ventured to remark that it +was bed-time. After allowing a few moments for the usual expressions of +dissent, I staggered up--stairs with Toddie in my arms, and Budge on my +back, both boys roaring in refrain of the negro hymn:-- + +"I'm a rolling through an Unfriendly World." + +The offer of a stick of candy to whichever boy was first undressed, +caused some lively disrobing, after which each boy received the prize. +Budge bit a large piece, wedged it between his cheek and his teeth, +closed his eyes, folded his hands on his breast, and prayed:-- + +"Dear Lord, bless papa an' mamma, an' Toddie an' me, an' that turtle +Uncle Harry found: and bless that lovely lady Uncle Harry goes riding +with an' make 'em take me too, an' bless that nice old lady with white +hair, that cried, and said I was a smart boy. Amen." + +Toddie sighed as he drew his stick of candy from his lips; then he shut +his eyes and remarked: + +"Dee Lord, blesh Toddie, an' make him good boy, an' blesh zem ladies +zat told me to say it aden;" the particular "it" referred to being well +understood by at least three adults of my acquaintances. + +The course of Budge's interview with Mrs. Mayton was afterward related +by that lady, as follows:--She was sitting in her own room (which was +on the parlor-floor, and in the rear of the house), and was leisurely +reading "Fated to be Free," when she accidentally dropped her glasses. +Stooping to pick them up, she became aware that she was not alone. A +small, very dirty, but good-featured boy stood before her, his hands +behind his back, and an inquiring look in his eyes. + +"Run away, little boy," said she. "Don't you know it isn't polite to +enter rooms without knocking?" + +"I'm lookin' for my uncle," said Budge, in most melodious accents, "an' +the other ladies said you would know when he would come back." + +"I'm afraid they were making fun of you--or me," said the old lady, a +little severely. "I don't know anything about little boys' uncles. Now +run away, and don't disturb me any more." + +"Well," continued Budge, "they said your little girl went with him, and +you'd know when SHE would come back." + +"I haven't any little girl," said the old lady, her indignation, at a +supposed joke, threatening to overcome her dignity. "Now, go away." + +"She isn't a VERY little girl," said Budge, honestly anxious to +conciliate; "that is, she's bigger'n _I_ am, but they said you was her +mother, an' so she's you're little girl, isn't she? _I_ think she's +lovely, too." + +"Do you mean Miss Mayton?" asked the lady, thinking she had a possible +clue to the cause of Budge's anxiety. + +"Oh, yes--that's her name--I couldn't think of it," eagerly replied +Budge. "An' ain't she AWFUL nice?--_I_ KNOW she is!" + +"Your judgment is quite correct, considering your age," said Mrs. +Mayton, exhibiting more interest in Budge than she had heretofore done. +"But what makes you think she is nice? You are rather younger than her +male admirers usually are." + +"Why, my Uncle Harry told me so," replied Budge, "an' HE knows +EVERYthing." + +Mrs. Mayton grew vigilant at once, and dropped her book. + +"Who IS your Uncle Harry, little boy?" + +"He's Uncle Harry; don't you know him? He can make nicer whistles than +my papa can. An' he found a turtle--" + +"Who is your papa?" interrupted the lady. + +"Why, he's papa--I thought everybody knew who HE was." + +"What is your name?" asked Mrs. Mayton. + +"John Burton Lawrence," promptly answered Budge. + +Mrs. Mayton wrinkled her brows for a moment, and finally asked:-- + +"Is Mr. Burton the uncle you are looking for?" + +"I don't know any Mr. Burton," said Budge, a little dazed; "uncle is +mamma's brother, an' he's been livin' at our house ever since mamma an' +papa went off visitin', an' he goes ridin' in our carriage, an'--" + +"Humph!" remarked the lady, with so much emphasis that Budge ceased +talking. A moment later she said:-- + +"I didn't mean to interrupt you, little boy; go on." + +"An' he rides with just the loveliest lady that ever was. HE thinks so, +an' _I_ KNOW she is. An' he 'spects her." + +"What?" exclaimed the old lady. + +"--'Spects her, I say--that's what HE says. _I_ say 'spects means just +what _I_ call LOVE. Cos if it don't, what makes him give her hugs and +kisses?" + +Mrs. Mayton caught her breath, and did not reply for a moment. At last +she said:-- + +"How do you know he--gives her hugs and kisses?" + +"Cos I saw him, the day Toddie hurt his finger in the grass-cutter. An' +he was so happy that be bought me a goat-carriage next morning--I'll +show it to you if you come down to our stable, an' I'll show you the +goat too. An' he bought--" + +Just here Budge stopped, for Mrs. Mayton put her handkerchief to her +eyes. Two or three moments later she felt a light touch on her knee, +and, wiping her eyes, saw Budge looking sympathetically into her face. + +"I'm awful sorry you feel bad," said he. + +"Are you 'fraid to have your little girl ridin' so long?" + +"Yes!" exclaimed Mrs. Mayton, with great decision. + +"Well, you needn't be," said Budge, "for Uncle Harry's awful careful +an' smart." + +"He ought to be ashamed of himself!" exclaimed the lady. + +"I guess he is, then," said Budge, "cos he's ev'rything he ought to be. +He's awful careful. T'other day, when the goat ran away, an' Toddie an' +me got in the carriage with them, he held on to her tight, so she +couldn't fall out." + +Mrs. Mayton brought her foot down with a violent stamp. + +"I know you'd 'spect HIM, if you knew how nice he was," continued +Budge. "He sings awful funny songs, an' tells splendid stories." + +"Nonsense!" exclaimed the angry mother. + +"They ain't no nonsense at all," said Budge. "I don't think it's nice +for to say that, when his stories are always about Joseph, an' Abraham, +an' Moses, an' when Jesus was a little boy, an' the Hebrew children, +an' lots of people that the Lord loved. An' he's awful 'fectionate, +too." + +"Yes, I suppose so," said Mrs. Mayton. + +"When we says our prayers we prays for the nice lady what he 'spects, +an' he likes us to do it," continued Budge. + +"How do you know?" demanded Mrs. Mayton. + +"Cos he always kisses us when we do it, an' that's what my papa does +when he likes what we pray." + +Mrs. Mayton's mind became absorbed in earnest thought, but Budge had +not said all that was in his heart. + +"An' when Toddie or me tumbles down an' hurts ourselves, 'tain't no +matter what Uncle Harry's doin' he runs right out an' picks us up an' +comforts us. He froed away a cigar the other day, he was in such a +hurry when a wasp stung me, an' Toddie picked the cigar up and ate it, +an' it made him AWFUL sick." + +The last-named incident did not affect Mrs. Mayton deeply, perhaps on +the score of inapplicability to the question before her. Budge went +on:-- + +"An' wasn't he good to me today? Just cos I was forlorn, cos I hadn't +nobody to play with, an' wanted to die an' go to heaven, he stopped +shavin', so as to comfort me." + +Mrs. Mayton had been thinking rapidly and seriously, and her heart had +relented somewhat toward the principal offender. + +"Suppose," said she, "that I don't let my little girl go riding with +him any more?" + +"Then," said Budge, "I know he'll be awful, awful unhappy, an' I'll be +awful sorry for him, cos nice folks oughtn't to be made unhappy." + +"Suppose, then, that I DO let her go," said Mrs. Mayton. + +"Then I'll give you a whole stomachful of kisses for being so good to +my uncle," said Budge. And assuming that the latter course would be the +one adopted by Mrs. Mayton, Budge climbed into her lap and began at +once to make payment. + +"Bless your dear little heart!" exclaimed Mrs. Mayton; "you're of the +same blood, and it IS good, if it IS rather hasty." + +As I arose the next morning, I found a letter under my door. +Disappointed that it was not addressed in Alice's writing, I was +nevertheless glad to get a word from my sister, particularly as the +letter ran as follows:-- + + +"JULY 1, 1875. + +"DEAR OLD BROTHER,--I've been recalling a fortnight's experience WE +once had of courtship in a boarding-house, and I've determined to cut +short our visit here, hurry home, and give you and Alice a chance or +two to see each other in parlors where there won't be a likelihood of +the dozen or two interruptions you must suffer each evening now. Tom +agrees with me, like the obedient old darling that he is; so please +have the carriage at Hillcrest station for us at 11:40 Friday morning. +Invite Alice and her mother for me to dine with us Sunday,--we'll bring +them home from church with us. + +"Lovingly, your sister, HELEN. + +"P. S. Of course you'll have my darlings in the carriage to receive me. + +"P. P. S. WOULD it annoy you to move into the best guest-chamber?--I +can't bear to sleep where I can't have THEM within reach." + + +Friday morning they intended to arrive,--blessings on their thoughtful +hearts!--and THIS was Friday. I hurried into the boys' room, and +shouted:-- + +"Toddie! Budge! who do you think is coming to see you this morning?" + +"Who?" asked Budge. + +"Organ-grinder?" queried Toddie. + +"No, your papa and mamma." + +Budge looked like an angel in an instant, but Toddie's eyes twitched a +little, and he mournfully murmured:-- + +"I fought it wash an organ-grinder." + +"O Uncle Harry!" said Budge, springing out of bed in a perfect delirium +of delight, "I believe if my papa an' mamma had stayed away any longer, +I believe I would DIE. I've been SO lonesome for 'em that I haven't +known what to do--I've cried whole pillowsful about it, right here in +the dark." + +"Why, my poor old fellow," said I, picking him up and kissing him, "why +didn't you come and tell Uncle Harry, and let him try to comfort you?" + +"I COULDN'T," said Budge; "when I gets lonesome, it feels as if my +mouth was all tied up, an' a great big stone was right in here." And +Budge put his hand on his chest. + +"If a big'tone wazh inshide of ME," said Toddie, "I'd take it out an' +frow it at the shickens." + +"Toddie," said I, "aren't you glad papa an' mamma are coming?" + +"Yesh," said Toddie, "I fink it'll be awfoo nish. Mamma always bwings +me candy fen she goes away anyfere." + +"Toddie, you're a mercenary wretch." + +"AIN'T a mernesary wetch; Izhe Toddie Yawncie." + +Toddie made none the less haste in dressing than his brother, however. +Candy was to him what some systems of theology are to their +adherents--not a very lofty motive of action but sweet, and something +he could fully understand; so the energy displayed in getting himself +tangled up in his clothes was something wonderful. + +"Stop, boys," said I, "you must have on clean clothes to-day. You don't +want your father and mother to see you all dirty, do you?" + +"Of course not," said Budge. + +"Oh, Izh I goin' to be djessed up all nicey?" asked Toddie. "Goody! +goody! goody!" + +I always thought my sister Helen had an undue amount of vanity, and +here it was reappearing in the second generation. + +"An' I wantsh my shoes made all nigger," said Toddie. + +"What?" + +"Wantsh my shoesh made all nigger wif a bottle-bwush, too," said Toddie. + +I looked appealingly at Budge, who answered:-- + +"He means he wants his shoes blacked, with the polish that's in a +bottle, an' you rub it on with a brush." + +"An' I wantsh a thath on," continued Toddie. + +"Sash, he means," said Budge. "He's awful proud." + +"An' Ize doin' to wear my takker-hat," said Toddie. "An' my wed djuvs." + +"That's his tassel-hat an' his red gloves," continued the interpreter. + +"Toddie, you can't wear gloves such hot days as these," said I. + +A look of inquiry was speedily followed by Toddie's own unmistakable +preparations for weeping; and as I did not want his eyes dimmed when +his mother looked into them I hastily exclaimed:-- + +"Put them on, then--put on the mantle of rude Boreas, if you choose; +but don't go to crying." + +"Don't want no mantle-o'-wude-bawyusses," declared Toddie, following me +phonetically, "wantsh my own pitty cozhesh, an' nobody eshesh." + +"O Uncle Harry!" exclaimed Budge, "I want to bring mamma home in my +goat-carriage!" + +"The goat isn't strong enough, Budge, to draw mamma and you." + +"Well, then, let me drive down to the depot just to SHOW papa an' mamma +I've got a goat-carriage--I'm sure mamma would be very unhappy when she +found out I had one, and she hadn't seen it first thing." + +"Well, I guess you may follow me down, Budge, but you must drive very +carefully." + +"Oh, yes--I wouldn't get us hurt when mamma was coming, for ANYthing." +"Now, boys," said I, "I want you to stay in the house and play this +morning. If you go out of doors you'll get yourselves dirty." + +"I guess the sun'll be disappointed if it don't have us to look at," +suggested Budge. + +"Never mind," said I, "the sun's old enough to have learned to be +patient." + +Breakfast over, the boys moved reluctantly away to the play-room, while +I inspected the house and grounds pretty closely, to see that +everything should at least fail to do my management discredit. A dollar +given to Mike and another to Maggie were of material assistance in this +work, so I felt free to adorn the parlors and Helen's chamber with +flowers. As I went into the latter room I heard some one at the +wash-stand, which was in the alcove, and on looking I saw Toddie +drinking the last of the contents of a goblet which contained a +dark-colored mixture. + +"Ize takin' black medshin," said Toddie; "I likes black medshin awfoo +muts." + +"What do you make it of?" I asked, with some sympathy, and tracing +parental influence again. When Helen and I were children we spent hours +in soaking liquorice in water and administering it as medicine. + +"Makesh it out of shoda mitsture," said Toddie. + +This was another medicine of our childhood days, but one prepared +according to physician's prescription, and not beneficial when taken ad +libitum. As I took the vial--a two-ounce one--I asked:-- + +"How much did you take, Toddie?" + +"Took whole bottoo full--twas nysh," said he. + +Suddenly the label caught my eye--it read PAREGORIC. In a second I had +snatched a shawl, wrapped Toddie in it, tucked him under my arm, and +was on my way to the barn. In a moment more I was on one of the horses +and galloping furiously to the village, with Toddie under one arm, his +yellow curls streaming in the breeze. People came out and stared as +they did at John Gilpin, while one old farmer whom I met turned his +team about, whipped up furiously, and followed me, shouting "Stop +thief!" I afterward learned that he took me to be one of the abductors +of Charley Ross, with the lost child under my arm, and that visions of +the $20,000 reward floated before his eyes. In front of an apothecary's +I brought the horse suddenly upon his haunches, and dashed in, +exclaiming:-- + +"Give this child a strong emetic--quick. He's swallowed poison!" + +The apothecary hurried to his prescription-desk, while a +motherly-looking Irish woman upon whom he had been waiting, exclaimed, +"Holy Mither! I'll run an' fetch Father O'Kelley," and hurried out. +Meanwhile Toddie, upon whom the medicine had not commenced to take +effect, had seized the apothecary's cat by the tail, which operation +resulted in a considerable vocal protest from that animal. + +The experiences of the next few moments were more pronounced and +revolutionary than pleasing to relate in detail. It is sufficient to +say that Toddie's weight was materially diminished, and that his +complexion was temporarily pallid. Father O'Kelley arrived at a brisk +run, and was honestly glad to find that his services were not required, +although I assured him that if Catholic baptism and a sprinkling of +holy water would improve Toddie's character, I thought there was excuse +for several applications. We rode quietly back to the house, and while +I was asking Maggie to try to coax Toddie into taking a nap, I heard +the patient remark to his brother:-- + +"Budgie, down to the village I was a whay-al. I didn't froe up Djonah, +but I froed up a whole floor full of uvver fings." During the hour +which passed before it was time to start for the depot, my sole +attention was devoted to keeping the children from soiling their +clothes; but my success was so little, that I lost my temper entirely. +First they insisted upon playing on a part of the lawn which the sun +had not yet reached. Then, while I had gone into the house for a match +to light my cigar, Toddie had gone with his damp shoes into the middle +of the road, where the dust was ankle deep. Then they got upon their +hands and knees on the piazza and played bear. Each one wanted to pick +a bouquet for his mother, and Toddie took the precaution to smell every +flower he approached--an operation which caused him to get his nose +covered with lily-pollen, so that he looked like a badly used +prize-fighter. In one of their spasms of inaction, Budge asked:-- + +"What makes some of the men in church have no hair on the tops of their +heads, Uncle Harry?" + +"Because," said I, pausing long enough to shake Toddie for trying to +get my watch out of my pocket, "because they have bad little boys to +bother them all the time, so their hair drops out." + +"I dess MY hairs is a-goin' to drop out pitty soon, then," remarked +Toddie, with an injured air. + +"Harness the horses, Mike," I shouted. + +"An' the goat, too," added Budge. + +Five minutes later I was seated in the carriage, or rather in Tom's +two-seated open wagon. "Mike," I shouted, "I forgot to tell Maggie to +have some lunch ready for the folks when they get here--run, tell her, +quick, won't you?" + +"Oye, oye, sur," said Mike, and off he went. + +"Are you all ready, boys?" I asked. + +"In a minute," said Budge; "soon as I fix this. Now," he continued, +getting into his seat, and taking the reins and whip, "go ahead." + +"Wait a moment, Budge--put down that whip, and don't touch the goat +with it once on the way. I'm going to drive very slowly--there's plenty +of time, and all you need to do is to hold your reins." + +"All right," said Budge, "but I like to look like mans when I drive." + +"You may do that when somebody can run beside you. Now!" + +The horses started at a gentle trot, and the goat followed very +closely. When within a minute of the depot, however, the train swept +in. I had intended to be on the platform to meet Tom and Helen, but my +watch was evidently slow. I gave the horses the whip, looked behind and +saw the boys were close upon me, and I was so near the platform when I +turned my head that nothing but the sharpest of turns saved me from a +severe accident. The noble animals saw the danger as quickly as I did, +however, and turned in marvelously small space; as they did so, I heard +two hard thumps upon the wooden wall of the little depot, heard also +two frightful howls, saw both my nephews considerably mixed up on the +platform, while the driver of the Bloom-Park stage growled in my ear:-- + +"What in thunder did you let 'em hitch that goat to your axle-tree for?" + +I looked, and saw the man spoke with just cause. How the goat's head +and shoulders had maintained their normal connection during the last +minute of my drive, I leave for naturalists to explain. I had no time +to meditate on the matter just then, for the train had stopped. +Fortunately the children had struck on their heads, and the +Lawrence-Burton skull is a marvel of solidity. I set them upon their +feet, brushed them off with my hands, promised them all the candy they +could eat for a week, wiped their eyes, and hurried them to the other +side of the depot. Budge rushed at Tom, exclaiming:-- + +"See my goat, papa!" + +Helen opened her arms, and Toddie threw himself into them, sobbing:-- + +"Mam--MA! shing 'Toddie one-boy-day!'" + +How uncomfortable a man CAN feel in the society of a dearly-loved +sister and an incomparable brother-in-law I never imagined until that +short drive. Helen was somewhat concerned about the children, but she +found time to look at me with so much of sympathy, humor, affection, +and condescension that I really felt relieved when we reached the +house. I hastily retired to my own room, but before I had shut the door +Helen was with me, and her arms were about my neck; before the dear old +girl removed them we had grown far nearer to each other than we had +ever been before. + +And how gloriously the rest of the day passed off. We had a delightful +little lunch, and Tom brought up a bottle of Roederer, and Helen didn't +remonstrate when he insisted on its being drank from her finest +glasses, and there were toasts drank to "Her" and "Her Mother," and to +the Benedict that was to be. And then Helen proposed "the makers of the +match--Budge and Toddie!" which was honored with bumpers. The gentlemen +toasted did not respond, but they stared so curiously that I sprang +from my chair and kissed them soundly, upon which Tom and Helen +exchanged significant glances. + +Then Helen walked down to Mrs. Clarkson's boarding-house, all for the +purpose of showing a lady there with a skirt to make over just how she +had seen a similar garment rearranged exquisitely. And Alice strolled +down to the gate with her to say good-by; and they had so much to talk +about that Helen walked Alice nearly to our house, and then insisted on +her coming the rest of the way so she might be driven home. And then +Mike was sent back with a note to say to Mrs. Mayton that her daughter +had been prevailed upon to stay to evening dinner, but would be sent +home under capable escort. And after dinner was over and the children +put to bed, Tom groaned that he MUST attend a road-board meeting, and +Helen begged us to excuse her just a minute while she ran into the +doctor's to ask how poor Mrs. Brown had been doing, and she consumed +three hours and twenty-five minutes in asking, bless her sympathetic +soul! + +The dreaded ending of my vacation did not cause me as many pangs as I +had expected. Helen wanted to know one evening why, if her poor, dear +Tom could go back and forth to the city to business every day, her lazy +big brother couldn't go back and forth to Hillcrest daily, if she were +to want him as a boarder for the remainder of the season. Although I +had for years inveighed against the folly of cultivated people leaving +the city to find residences, Helen's argument was unanswerable and I +submitted. I did even more; I purchased a lovely bit of ground (though +the deed stands in Tom's name for the present), and Tom has brought up +several plans of cottage-houses, and every evening they are spread on +the dining-room table, and there gather round them four people, among +whom are a white-goods salesman, and a young lady with the brightest of +eyes and cheeks full of roses and lilies. This latter-named personage +has her own opinions of the merits of all plans suggested, and insisted +that whatever plan IS adopted MUST have a lovely room to be set apart +as the exclusive property of Helen's boys. Young as these gentlemen are +I find frequent occasions to be frightfully jealous of them, but they +are unmoved by either my frowns or persuasions--artifice alone is able +to prevent their monopolizing the time of an adorable being of whose +society I cannot possibly have too much. She insists that when the +ceremony takes place in December, they shall officiate as groomsmen, +and I have not the slightest doubt that she will carry her point. In +fact, I confess to frequent affectionate advances toward them myself, +and when I retire without first seeking their room and putting a +grateful kiss upon their unconscious lips, my conscience upbraids me +with base ingratitude. To think I might yet be a hopeless bachelor had +it not been for them, is to overflow with thankfulness to the giver of +HELEN'S BABIES. + + + +THE END. + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Helen's Babies, by John Habberton + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HELEN'S BABIES *** + +***** This file should be named 4281.txt or 4281.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/4/2/8/4281/ + +Produced by Robert Rowe, Charles Franks and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. HTML version by Al Haines. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.10/04/01*END* + + + + +Robert Rowe, Charles Franks and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team + +HELEN'S BABIES + +With some account of their ways, innocent, crafty, angelic, +impish, witching and impulsive; also a partial record of their +actions during ten days of their existence + +By JOHN HABBERTON + + + +The first cause, so far as it can be determined, of the existence +of this book may be found in the following letter, written by my +only married sister, and received by me, Harry Burton, salesman of +white goods, bachelor, aged twenty-eight, and received just as I +was trying to decide where I should Spend a fortnight's vacation:-- + + + +"HILLCREST, June 15, 1875. + +"DEAR HARRY:--Remembering that you are always complaining that you +never have a chance to read, and knowing that you won't get it +this summer, if you spend your vacation among people of your own +set, I write to ask you to come up here. I admit that I am not +wholly disinterested in inviting you. The truth is, Tom and I are +invited to spend a fortnight with my old schoolmate, Alice Wayne, +who, you know, is the dearest girl in the world, though you DIDN'T +obey me and marry her before Frank Wayne appeared. Well, we're +dying to go, for Alice and Frank live in splendid style; but as +they haven't included our children in their invitation, and have +no children of their own, we must leave Budge and Toddie at home. +I've no doubt they'll be perfectly safe, for my girl is a jewel, +and devoted to the children, but I would feel a great deal easier +if there was a man in the house. Besides, there's the silver, and +burglars are less likely to break into a house where there's a +savage-looking man. (Never mind about thanking me for the +compliment.) If YOU'LL only come up, my mind will be completely at +rest. The children won't give you the slightest trouble; they're +the best children in the world--everybody says so. + +"Tom has plenty of cigars, I know, for the money I should have had +for a new suit went to pay his cigar-man. He has some new claret, +too, that HE goes into ecstasies over, though _I_ can't tell it +from the vilest black ink, except by the color. Our horses are in +splendid condition, and so is the garden--you see I don't forget +your old passion for flowers. And, last and best, there never were +so many handsome girls at Hillcrest as there are among the summer +boarders already here; the girls you already are acquainted with +here will see that you meet all the newer acquisitions. + +"Reply by telegraph right away. "Of course you'll say 'Yes.' "In +great haste, your loving + +"SISTER HELEN. + +P. S. You shall have our own chamber; it catches every breeze, and +commands the finest views. The children's room communicates with +it; so, if anything SHOULD happen to the darlings at night, you'd +be sure to hear them." + +"Just the thing!" I ejaculated. Five minutes later I had +telegraphed Helen my acceptance of her invitation, and had +mentally selected books enough to busy me during a dozen +vacations. Without sharing Helen's belief that her boys were the +best ones in the world, I knew them well enough to feel assured +that they would not give me any annoyance. There were two of them, +since Baby Phil died last fall; Budge, the elder, was five years +of age, and had generally, during my flying visits to Helen, worn +a shy, serious, meditative, noble face, with great, pure, +penetrating eyes, that made me almost fear their stare. Tom +declared he was a born philanthropist or prophet, and Helen made +so free with Miss Muloch's lines as to sing:-- + + "Ah, the day that THOU goest a-wooing, + Budgie, my boy!" + +Toddie had seen but three summers, and was a happy little know- +nothing, with a head full of tangled yellow hair, and a very +pretty fancy for finding out sunbeams and dancing in them. I had +long envied Tom his horses, his garden, his house and his +location, and the idea of controlling them for a fortnight was +particularly delightful. Tom's taste in cigars and claret I had +always respected, while the lady inhabitants of Hillcrest were, +according to my memory, much like those of every other suburban +village, the fairest of their sex. + +Three days later I made the hour and a half trip between New York +and Hillcrest, and hired a hackman to drive me over to Tom's. Half +a mile from my brother-in-law's residence, our horses shied +violently, and the driver, after talking freely to them, turned to +me and remarked:-- + +"That was one of the 'Imps.'" + +"What was?" I asked. + +"That little cuss that scared the hosses. There he is, now, +holdin' up that piece of brushwood. 'Twould be just like his +cheek, now, to ask me to let him ride. Here he comes, runnin'. +Wonder where t'other is?--they most generally travel together. We +call 'em the Imps, about these parts, because they're so uncommon +likely at mischief. Always skeerin' hosses, or chasin' cows, or +frightenin' chickens. Nice enough father an' mother, too--queer, +how young ones do turn out." + +As he spoke, the offending youth came panting beside our carriage, +and in a very dirty sailor-suit, and under a broad-brimmed straw +hat, with one stocking about his ankle, and two shoes, averaging +about two buttons each, I recognized my nephew, Budge! About the +same time there emerged from the bushes by the roadside a smaller +boy in a green gingham dress, a ruffle which might once have been +white, dirty stockings, blue slippers worn through at the toes, +and an old-fashioned straw-turban. Thrusting into the dust of the +road a branch from a bush, and shouting, "Here's my grass-cutter!" +he ran toward us enveloped in a "pillar of cloud," which might +have served the purpose of Israel in Egypt. When he paused and the +dust had somewhat subsided, I beheld the unmistakable lineaments +of the child Toddie! + +"They're--my nephews," I gasped. + +"What!" exclaimed the driver. "By gracious! I forgot you were +going to Colonel Lawrence's! I didn't tell anything but the truth +about 'em, though; they're smart enough, an' good enough, as boys +go; but they'll never die of the complaint that children has in +Sunday-school books." + +"Budge," said I, with all the sternness I could command, "do you +know me?" + +The searching eyes of the embryo prophet and philanthropist +scanned me for a moment, then their owner replied:-- + +"Yes; you're Uncle Harry. Did you bring us anything?" + +"Bring us anything?" echoed Toddie. + +"I wish I could have brought you some big whippings," said I, with +great severity of manner, "for behaving so badly. Get into this +carriage." + +"Come on, Tod," shouted Budge, although Toddie's farther ear was +not a yard from Budge's mouth. "Uncle Harry's going to take us +riding!" + +"Going to take us riding!" echoed Toddie, with the air of one in a +reverie; both the echo and the reverie I soon learned were +characteristics of Toddie. + +As they clambered into the carriage I noticed that each one +carried a very dirty towel, knotted in the center into what is +known as a slip-noose knot, drawn very tight. After some moments +of disgusted contemplation of these rags, without being in the +least able to comprehend their purpose, I asked Budge what those +towels were for. + +"They're not towels--they're dollies," promptly answered my +nephew. + +"Goodness!" I exclaimed. "I should think your mother could buy you +respectable dolls, and not let you appear in public with those +loathsome rags." + +"We don't like buyed dollies," explained Budge. "These dollies is +lovely; mine's name is Mary, an' Toddie's is Marfa." + +"Marfa?" I queried. + +"Yes; don't you know about + + "Marfa and Mary's jus' gone along + To ring dem charmin' bells, + +that them Jubilee sings about?" + +"Oh, Martha, you mean?" + +"Yes, Marfa--that's what I say. Toddie's dolly's got brown eyes, +an' my dolly's got blue eyes." + +"I want to shee yours watch," remarked Toddie, snatching at my +chain, and rolling into my lap. + +"Oh--oo--ee, so do I," shouted Budge, hastening to occupy one +knee, and IN TRANSITU wiping his shoes on my trousers and the +skirts of my coat. Each imp put an arm about me to steady himself, +as I produced my three-hundred-dollar time-keeper and showed them +the dial. + +"I want to see the wheels go round," said Budge. + +"Want to shee wheels go wound," echoed Toddie. + +"No; I can't open my watch where there's so much dust," I said. + +"What for?" inquired Budge. + +"Want to shee the wheels go wound," repeated Toddie. + +"The dust gets inside the watch and spoils it," I explained. + +"Want to shee the wheels go wound," said Toddie, once more. + +"I tell you I can't, Toddie," said I, with considerable asperity. +"Dust spoils watches." + +The innocent gray eyes looked up wonderingly, the dirty, but +pretty lips parted slightly, and Toddie murmured:-- + +"Want to shee the wheels go wound." + +I abruptly closed my watch and put it into my pocket. Instantly +Toddie's lower lip commenced to turn outward, and continued to do +so until I seriously feared the bony portion of his chin would be +exposed to view. Then his lower jaw dropped, and he cried:-- + +"Ah--h--h--h--h--h--want--to--shee--the wheels--go wou--OUND." + +"Charles" (Charles is his baptismal name),--"Charles," I +exclaimed with some anger, "stop that noise this instant! Do you +hear me?" + +"Yes--oo--oo--oo--ahoo--ahoo." + +"Then stop it." + +"Wants to shee--" + +"Toddie, I've got some candy in my trunk, but I won't give you a +bit if you don't stop that infernal noise." + +"Well, I wants to shee wheels go wound. Ah--ah--h--h--h--h!" + +"Toddie, dear, don't cry so. Here's some ladies coming in a +carriage; you wouldn't let THEM see you crying, would you? You +shall see the wheels go round as soon as we get home." + +A carriage containing a couple of ladies was rapidly approaching, +as Toddie again raised his voice. + +"Ah--h--h--wants to shee wheels--" + +Madly I snatched my watch from my pocket, opened the case, and +exposed the works to view. The other carriage was meeting ours, +and I dropped my head to avoid meeting the glance of the unknown +occupants, for my few moments of contact with my dreadful nephews +had made me feel inexpressibly unneat. Suddenly the carriage with +the ladies stopped. I heard my own name spoken, and raising my +head quickly (encountering Budge's bullet head EN ROUTE to the +serious disarrangement of my hat), I looked into the other +carriage. There, erect, fresh, neat, composed, bright-eyed, fair- +faced, smiling and observant,--she would have been all this, even +if the angel of the resurrection had just sounded his dreadful +trump,--sat Miss Alice Mayton, a lady who, for about a year, I had +been adoring from afar. + +"When did YOU arrive, Mr. Burton?" she asked, "and how long have +you been officiating as child's companion? You're certainly a +happy-looking trio--so unconventional. I hate to see children all +dressed up and stiff as little manikins, when they go out to ride. +And you look as if you had been having SUCH a good time with +them." + +"I--I assure you, Miss Mayton," said I, "that my experience has +been the exact reverse of a pleasant one. If King Herod were yet +alive I'd volunteer as an executioner, and engage to deliver two +interesting corpses at a moment's notice." + +"You dreadful wretch!" exclaimed the lady. "Mother, let me make +you acquainted with Mr. Burton,--Helen Lawrence's brother. How is +your sister, Mr. Burton?" + +"I don't know," I replied; "she has gone with her husband on a +fortnight's visit to Captain and Mrs. Wayne, and I've been silly +enough to promise to have an eye to the place while they're away." + +"Why, how delightful!" exclaimed Miss Mayton. "SUCH horses! SUCH +flowers! SUCH a cook!" + +"And such children," said I, glaring suggestively at the imps, and +rescuing from Toddie a handkerchief which he had extracted from my +pocket, and was waving to the breeze. + +"Why, they're the best children in the world. Helen told me so the +first time I met her this season! Children will be children, you +know. We had three little cousins with us last summer, and I'm +sure they made me look years older than I really am." + +"How young you must be, then, Miss Mayton!" said I. I suppose I +looked at her as if I meant what I said, for, although she +inclined her head and said, "Oh, thank you," she didn't seem to +turn my compliment off in her usual invulnerable style. Nothing +happening in the course of conversation ever discomposed Alice +Mayton for more than a hundred seconds, however, so she soon +recovered her usual expression and self-command, as her next +remark fully indicated. + +"I believe you arranged the floral decorations at the St. +Zephaniah's Fair, last winter, Mr. Burton? 'Twas the most tasteful +display of the season. I don't wish to give any hints, but at Mrs. +Clarkson's, where we're boarding, there's not a flower in the +whole garden. I break the Tenth Commandment dreadfully every time +I pass Colonel Lawrence's garden. Good-by, Mr. Burton." + +"Ah, thank you; I shall be delighted. Good-by." + +"Of course you'll call," said Miss Mayton, as her carriage +started,--"it's dreadfully stupid here--no men except on Sundays." + +I bowed assent. In the contemplation of all the shy possibilities +which my short chat with Miss Mayton had suggested, I had quite +forgotten my dusty clothing and the two living causes thereof. +While in Miss Mayton's presence the imps had preserved perfect +silence, but now their tongues were loosened. + +"Uncle Harry," said Budge, "do you know how to make whistles?" + +"Ucken Hawwy," murmured Toddie, "does you love dat lady?" + +"No, Toddie, of course not." + +"Then you's baddy man, an' de Lord won't let you go to heaven if +you don't love peoples." + +"Yes, Budge," I answered hastily, "I do know how to make whistles, +and you shall have one." + +"Lord don't like mans what don't love peoples," reiterated Toddie. + +"All right, Toddie," said I. "I'll see if I can't please the Lord +some way. Driver, whip up, won't you? I'm in a hurry to turn these +youngsters over to the girl, and ask her to drop them into the +bath-tub." + +I found Helen had made every possible arrangement for my comfort. +Her room commanded exquisite views of mountain-slope and valley, +and even the fact that the imps' bedroom adjoined mine gave me +comfort, for I thought of the pleasure of contemplating them while +they were asleep, and beyond the power of tormenting their deluded +uncle. + +At the supper-table Budge and Toddie appeared cleanly clothed in +their rightful faces. Budge seated himself at the table; Toddie +pushed back his high-chair, climbed into it, and shouted: + +"Put my legs under ze tabo." + +Rightfully construing this remark as a request to be moved to the +table, I fulfilled his desire. The girl poured tea for me and milk +for the children, and retired; and then I remembered, to my +dismay, that Helen never had a servant in the dining-room except +upon grand occasions, her idea being that servants retail to their +friends the cream of the private conversation of the family +circle. In principle I agreed with her, but the penalty of the +practical application, with these two little cormorants on my +hands, was greater suffering than any I had ever been called upon +to endure for principle's sake; but there was no help for it. I +resignedly rapped on the table, bowed my head, said, "From what we +are about to receive, the Lord make us thankful," and asked Budge +whether he ate bread or biscuit. + +"Why, we ain't asked no blessin' yet," said he. + +"Yes, I did, Budge," said I. "Didn't you hear me?" + +"Do you mean what you said just now?" + +"Yes." + +"Oh, I don't think that was no blessin' at all. Papa never says +that kind of a blessin'." + +"What does papa say, may I ask?" I inquired, with becoming +meekness. + +"Why, papa says, 'Our Father, we thank thee for this food; +mercifully remember with us all the hungry and needy to-day, for +Christ's sake, Amen.' That's what he says." + +"It means the same thing, Budge." + +"_I_ don't think it does; and Toddie didn't have no time to say +HIS blessin'. I don't think the Lord'll like it if you do it that +way." + +"Yes, he will, old boy; he knows what people mean." + +"Well, how can he tell what Toddie means if Toddie can't say +anything?" + +"Wantsh to shay my blessin'," whined Toddie. + +It was enough; my single encounter with Toddie had taught me to +respect the young gentleman's force of character. So again I bowed +my head, and repeated what Budge had reported as "papa's +blessin'," Budge kindly prompting me where my memory failed. The +moment I began, Toddie commenced to jabber rapidly and aloud, and +the instant the "Amen" was pronounced he raised his head and +remarked with evident satisfaction:-- + +"I shed my blessin' TWO timesh." + +And Budge said gravely:-- + +"NOW I guess we are all right." + +The supper was an exquisite one, but the appetites of those +dreadful children effectually prevented my enjoying the repast. I +hastily retired, called the girl, and instructed, her to see that +the children had enough to eat, and were put to bed immediately +after; then I lit a cigar and strolled into the garden. The roses +were just in bloom, the air was full of the perfume of +honeysuckles, the rhododendrons had not disappeared, while I saw +promise of the early unfolding of many other pet flowers of mine. +I confess that I took a careful survey of the garden to see how +fine a bouquet I might make for Miss Mayton, and was so abundantly +satisfied with the material before me that I longed to begin the +work at once, but that it would seem too hasty for true gentility. +So I paced the paths, my hands behind my back, and my face well +hidden by fragrant clouds of smoke, and went into wondering and +reveries. I wondered if there was any sense in the language of +flowers, of which I had occasionally seen mention made by silly +writers; I wished I had learned it if it had any meaning; I +wondered if Miss Mayton understood it. At any rate, I fancied I +could arrange flowers to the taste of any lady whose face I had +ever seen; and for Alice Mayton I would make something so superb +that her face could not help lighting up when she beheld it. I +imagined just how her bluish-gray eyes would brighten, her cheeks +would redden,--not with sentiment, not a bit of it; but with +genuine pleasure,--how her strong lips would part slightly and +disclose sweet lines not displayed when she held her features well +in hand. I--I, a clear-headed, driving, successful salesman of +white goods--actually wished I might be divested of all +nineteenth-century abilities and characteristics, and be one of +those fairies that only silly girls and crazy poets think of, and +might, unseen, behold the meeting of my flowers with this highly +cultivated specimen of the only sort of flowers our cities +produce. What flower did she most resemble? A lily?--no; too--not +exactly too bold, but too--too, well, I couldn't think of the +word, but clearly it wasn't bold. A rose! Certainly, not like +those glorious but blazing remontants, nor yet like the shy, +delicate, ethereal tea-roses with their tender suggestions of +color. Like this perfect Gloire de Dijon, perhaps; strong, +vigorous, self-asserting, among its more delicate sisterhood; yet +shapely, perfect in outline and development, exquisite, enchanting +in its never fully-analyzed tints, yet compelling the admiration +of every one, and recalling its admirers again and again by the +unspoken appeal of its own perfection--its unvarying radiance. + +"Ah--h--h--h--ee--ee--ee--ee--ee--oo--oo--oo--oo" came from the +window over my head. Then came a shout of--"Uncle Harry!" in a +voice I recognized as that of Budge. I made no reply: there are +moments when the soul is full of utterances unfit to be heard by +childish ears. "Uncle Har-RAY!" repeated Budge. Then I heard a +window-blind open, and Budge exclaiming:-- + +"Uncle Harry, we want you to come and tell us stories." + +I turned my eyes upward quickly, and was about to send a savage +negative in the same direction, when I saw in the window a face +unknown and yet remembered. Could those great, wistful eyes, that +angelic mouth, that spiritual expression, belong to my nephew +Budge? Yes, it must be--certainly that super-celestial nose and +those enormous ears never belonged to any one else. I turned +abruptly, and entered the house, and was received at the head of +the stairway by two little figures in white, the larger of which +remarked:-- + +"We want you tell us stories--papa always does nights." + +"Very well, jump into bed--what kind of stories do you like?" + +"Oh, 'bout Jonah," said Budge. + +"'Bout Jonah," echoed Toddie. + +"Well, Jonah was out in the sun one day and a gourd-vine grew up +all of a sudden, and made it nice and shady for him, and then it +all faded as quick as it came." + +A dead silence prevailed for a moment, and then Budge indignantly +remarked:-- + + "That ain't Jonah a bit--_I_ know 'bout Jonah." + +"Oh, you do, do you?" said I. "Then maybe you'll be so good as to +enlighten me?" + +"Huh?" + +"If you know about Jonah, tell me the story; I'd really enjoy +listening to it." + +"Well," said Budge, "once upon a time the Lord told Jonah to go to +Nineveh and tell the people they was all bad. But Jonah didn't +want to go, so he went on a boat that was going to Joppa. And then +there was a big storm, an' it rained an' blowed and the big waves +went as high as a house. An' the sailors thought there must be +somebody on the boat that the Lord didn't like. An' Jonah said he +guessed HE was the man. So they picked him up and froed him in the +ocean, an' I don't think it was well for 'em to do that after +Jonah told the troof. An' a big whale was comin' along, and he was +awful hungry, cos the little fishes what he likes to eat all went +down to the bottom of the ocean when it began to storm, and whales +can't go to the bottom of the ocean, cos they have to come up to +breeve, an' little fishes don't. An' Jonah found 'twas all dark +inside the whale, and there wasn't any fire there, an' it was all +wet, and he couldn't take off his clothes to dry, cos there wasn't +no place to hang 'em, an' there wasn't no windows to look out of, +nor nothin' to eat, nor nothin' nor nothin' nor nothin.' So he +asked the Lord to let Mm out, an' the Lord was sorry for him, an' +he made the whale go up close to the land, an' Jonah jumped right +out of his mouth, an' WASN'T he glad? An' then he went to Nineveh, +an' done what the Lord told him to, and he ought to have done it +in the first place if he had known what was good for him." + +"Done first payshe, know what's dood for him," asserted Toddie, in +support of his brother's assertion. "Tell us 'nudder story." + +"Oh, no, sing us a song," suggested Budge. + +"Shing us shong," echoed Toddie. + +I searched my mind for a song, but the only one which came +promptly was "M'Appari," several bars of which I gave my juvenile +audience, when Budge interrupted me, saying:-- + +"I don't think that's a very good song." + +"Why not, Budge?" + +"Cos I don't. I don't know a word what you're talking 'bout." + +"Shing 'bout 'Glory, glory, hallelulyah,'" suggested Toddie, and I +meekly obeyed. The old air has a wonderful influence over me. I +heard it in western camp-meetings and negro-cabins when I was a +boy; I saw the 22d Massachusetts march down Broadway, singing the +same air during the rush to the front during the early days of the +war; I have heard it sung by warrior tongues in nearly every +Southern State; I heard it roared by three hundred good old Hunker +Democrats as they escorted New York's first colored regiment to +their place of embarkation; my old brigade sang it softly, but +with a swing that was terrible in its earnestness, as they lay +behind their stacks of arms just before going to action; I have +heard it played over the grave of many a dead comrade; the semi- +mutinous--the cavalry became peaceful and patriotic again as their +band-master played the old air after having asked permission to +try HIS hand on them; it is the same that burst forth +spontaneously in our barracks, on that glorious morning when we +learned that the war was over, and it was sung, with words adapted +to the occasion, by some good rebel friends of mine, on our first +social meeting after the war. All these recollections came +hurrying into my mind as I sang, and probably excited me beyond my +knowledge, for Budge suddenly remarked:-- + +"Don't sing that all day, Uncle Harry; you sing so loud, it hurts +my head." + +"Beg your pardon, Budge," said I. "Good-night." + +"Why, Uncle Harry, are you going? You didn't hear us say our +prayers,--papa always does." + +"Oh! Well, go ahead." + +"You must say yours first," said Budge; "that's the way papa +does." + +"Very well," said I, and I repeated St. Chrysostom's prayer, from +the Episcopal service. I had hardly said "Amen," when Budge +remarked:-- + +"My papa don't say any of them things at all; I don't think that's +a very good prayer," + +"Well, you say a good prayer, Budge." + +"Allright." Budge shut his eyes, dropped his voice to the most +perfect tone of supplication, while his face seemed fit for a +sleeping angel, then he said:-- + +"Dear Lord, we thank you for lettin' us have a good time to-day, +an' we hope all the little boys everywhere have had good times +too. We pray you to take care of us an' everybody else to-night, +an' don't let 'em have any trouble. Oh, yes, an' Uncle Harry's got +some candy in his trunk, cos he said so in the carriage,--we thank +you for lettin' Uncle Harry come to see us, an' we hope he's got +LOTS of candy--lots an' piles. An' we pray you to take good care +of all the poor little boys and girls that haven't got any papas +an' mammas an' Uncle Harrys an' candy an' beds to sleep in. An' +take us all to Heaven when we die, for Christ's sake. Amen. Now +give us the candy, Uncle Harry." + +"Hush, Budge; don't Toddie say any prayers?" + +"Oh yes; go on, Tod." + +Toddie closed his eyes, wriggled, twisted, breathed hard and +quick, acting generally as if prayers were principally a matter of +physical exertion. At last he began:-- + +"Dee Lord, not make me sho bad, an' besh mamma, an' papa, an' +Budgie, and doppity, [Footnote: Grandmother.] an' both boggies, +[Footnote: Grandfathers.] an' all good people in dish house, and +everybody else, an' my dolly. A--a--amen!" + +"Now give us the candy," said Budge, with the usual echo from +Toddie. + +I hastily extracted the candy from my trunk, gave some to each +boy, the recipients fairly shrieking with delight, and once more +said good-night. + +"Oh, you didn't give us any pennies," said Budge. "Papa gives us +some to put in our banks, every nights." + +"Well, I haven't got any now--wait until to-morrow." + +"Then we want drinks." + +"I'll let Maggie bring you drink." + +"Want my dolly," murmured Toddie. + +I found the knotted towels, took the dirty things up gingerly and +threw them upon the bed. + +"Now want to shee wheels go wound," said Toddie. + +I hurried out of the room and slammed the door. I looked at my +watch--it was half-past eight; I had spent an hour and a half with +those dreadful children. They WERE funny to be sure--I found +myself laughing in spite of my indignation. Still, if they were to +monopolize my time as they had already done, when was I to do my +reading? Taking Fiske's "Cosmic Philosophy" from my trunk I +descended to the back parlor, lit a cigar and a student-lamp, and +began to read. I had not fairly commenced when I heard a patter of +small feet, and saw my elder nephew before me. There was sorrowful +protestation in every line of his countenance, as he exclaimed:-- + +"You didn't say 'Good-by' nor 'God bless you' nor anything." + +"Oh--good-by." + +"Good-by." + +"God bless you." + +"God bless you." + +Budge seemed waiting for something else. At last he said:-- + +"Papa says, 'God bless everybody.'" + +"Well, God bless everybody." + +"God bless everybody," responded Budge, and turned silently and +went up-stairs. + +"Bless your tormenting honest little heart," I said to myself; "if +men trusted God as you do your papa, how little business there'd +be for preachers to do." + +The night was a perfect one. The pure fresh air, the perfume of +the flowers, the music of the insect choir in the trees and +shrubbery--the very season itself seemed to forbid my reading +philosophy, so I laid Fiske aside, delighted myself with a few +rare bits from Paul Hayne's new volume of poems, read a few +chapters of "One Summer," and finally sauntered off to bed. My +nephews were slumbering sweetly; it seemed impossible that the +pure, exquisite, angelic faces before me belonged to my tormentors +of a few hours before. As I lay on my couch I could see the dark +shadow and rugged crest of the mountain; above it, the silver +stars against the blue, and below it the rival lights of the +fireflies against the dark background formed by the mountain +itself. No rumbling of wheels tormented me, nor any of the +thousand noises that fill city air with the spirit of unrest, and +I fell into a wonder almost indignant that sensible, comfortable, +loving beings could live in horrible New York, while such +delightful rural homes were so near at hand. Then Alice Mayton +came into my mind, and then a customer; later, stars and +trademarks, and bouquets, and dirty nephews, and fireflies and bad +accounts, and railway tickets, and candy and Herbert Spencer, +mixed themselves confusingly in my mind. Then a vision of a proud +angel, in the most fashionable attire and a modern carriage, came +and banished them all by its perfect radiance, and I was sinking +in the most blissful unconsciousness-- + +"Ah--h--h--h--h--h--oo--oo--oo--oo--ee--ee--ee--" + +"Sh--h--h!" I hissed. + +The warning was heeded, and I soon relapsed into oblivion. + +"Ah--h--h--h--oo--oo--ee--ee--ee--BE--ee." + +"Toddie, do you want uncle to whip you?" + +"No." + +"Then lie still." + +"Well, Ize lost my dolly, an' I tant find her anywhere." + +"Well, I'll find her for you in the morning." + +"Oo--oo--ee--I wants my dolly." + +"Well, I tell you I'll find her for you in the morning." + +"I want her NOW--oo--oo--" + +"You can't have her now, so you can go to sleep." + +"Oh--oo--oo--oo--ee--" + +Springing madly to my feet, I started for the offender's room. I +encountered a door ajar by the way, my forehead being first to +discover it. I ground my teeth, lit a candle, and said something-- +no matter what. + +"Oh, you said a bad swear!" ejaculated Toddie. "You won't go to +heaven when you die." + +"Neither will you, if you howl like a little, demon all night. Are +you going to be quiet, now?" + +"Yesh, but I wants my dolly." + +"_I_ don't know where your dolly is--do you suppose I'm going to +search this entire house for that confounded dolly?" + +"'TAIN'T 'founded. I wants my dolly." "I don't know where it is; +you don't think I stole your dolly, do you?" + +"Well, I wants it, in de bed wif me." + +"Charles," said I, "when you arise in morning, I hope your doll +will be found. At present, however, you must be resigned and go to +sleep. I'll cover you up nicely;" here I began to rearrange the +bed-clothing, when the fateful dolly, source of all my woes, +tumbled out of them. Toddie clutched it, his whole face lighting +up with affectionate delight, and he screamed:-- + +"Oh, dare is my dee dolly: tum to your own papa, dolly, an' I'll +love you." + +And that ridiculous child was so completely satisfied by his +outlay of affection that my own indignation gave place to genuine +artistic pleasure. One CAN tire of even beautiful pictures, +though, when he is not fully awake, and is holding a candle in a +draught of air; so I covered my nephews and returned to my own +room, where I mused upon the contradictoriness of childhood until +I fell asleep. + +In the morning I was awakened very early by the light streaming in +the window, the blinds of which I had left open the night before. +The air was alive with bird-songs, and the eastern sky was +flushing with tints which no painter's canvas ever caught. But +ante-sunrise skies and songs are not fit subjects for the +continued contemplation of men who read until midnight; so I +hastily closed the blinds, drew the shade, dropped the curtains +and lay down again, dreamily thanking heaven that I was to fall +asleep to such exquisite music. I am sure that I mentally forgave +all my enemies as I dropped off into a most delicious doze, but +the sudden realization that a light hand was passing over my cheek +roused me to savage anger in an instant. I sprang up, and saw +Budge shrink timidly away from my bedside. + +"I was only a-lovin' you, cos you was good, and brought us candy. +Papa lets us love him whenever we want to--every morning he does." + +"As early as this?" demanded I. + +"Yes, just as soon as we can see, if we want to." + +Poor Tom! I never COULD comprehend why with a good wife, a +comfortable income, and a clear conscience, he need always look +thin and worn--worse than he ever did in Virginia woods or +Louisiana swamps. But now I knew all. And yet, what could one do? +That child's eyes and voice, and his expression, which exceeded in +sweetness that of any of the angels I had ever imagined,--that +child could coax a man to do more self-forgetting deeds than the +shortening of his precious sleeping-hours amounted to. In fact, he +was fast divesting me of my rightful sleepiness, so I kissed him +and said:-- + +"Run to bed, now, dear old fellow, and let uncle go to sleep +again. After breakfast, I'll make you a whistle." + +"Oh, will you?" The angel turned into a boy at once. "Yes; now run +along." + +"A LOUD whistle--a real loud one?" + +"Yes, but not if you don't go right back to bed." + +The sound of little footsteps receded as I turned over and closed +my eyes. Speedily the bird-song seemed to grow fainter; my +thoughts dropped to pieces; I seemed to be floating on fleecy +clouds, in company with hundreds of cherubs with Budge's features +and night-drawers-- + +"Uncle Harry!" + +May the Lord forget the prayer I put up just then! + +"Uncle Harry!" + +"I'll discipline you, my fine little boy," thought I. "Perhaps, if +I let you shriek your abominable little throat hoarse, you'll +learn better than to torment your uncle, that was just getting +ready to love you dearly." + +"Uncle Har-RAY!" + +"Howl, away, you little imp," thought I. "You've got me wide +awake, and your lungs may suffer for it." Suddenly I heard, +although in sleepy tones, and with a lazy drawl, some words which +appalled me. The murmurer was Toddie:-- + +"Want--she--wheels--go--wound." + +"Budge!" I shouted, in the desperation of my dread lest Toddie, +too, might wake up, "what DO you want?" + +"Uncle Harry!" + +"WHAT!" + +"Uncle Harry, what kind of wood are you going to make the whistle +out of?" + +"I won't make any at all--I'll cut a big stick and give you a +sound whipping with it, for not keeping quiet, as I told you to."' + +"Why, Uncle Harry, papa don't whip us with sticks--he spanks us." + +Heavens! Papa! papa! papa! Was I never to have done with this +eternal quotation of "papa"? I was horrified to find myself +gradually conceiving a dire hatred of my excellent brother-in-law. +One thing was certain, at any rate: sleep was no longer possible; +so I hastily dressed, and went into the garden. Among the beauty +and the fragrance of the flowers, and in the delicious morning +air, I succeeded in regaining my temper, and was delighted, on +answering the breakfast-bell, two hours later, to have Budge +accost me with:-- + +"Why, Uncle Harry, where was you? We looked all over the house for +you, and couldn't find a speck of you." + +The breakfast was an excellent one. I afterward learned that +Helen, dear old girl, had herself prepared a bill of fare for +every meal I should take in the house. As the table talk of myself +and nephews was not such as could do harm by being repeated, I +requested Maggie, the servant, to wait upon the children, and I +accompanied my request with a small treasury note. Relieved, thus, +of all responsibility for the dreadful appetites of my nephews, I +did full justice to the repast, and even regarded with some +interest and amusement the industry of Budge and Toddie with their +tiny forks and spoons. They ate rapidly for a while, but soon +their appetites weakened and their tongues were unloosed. + +"Ocken Hawwy," remarked Toddie, "daysh an awfoo funny chunt up +'tairs--awfoo BIG chunt. I show it you after brepspup." + +"Toddie's a silly little boy," said Budge; "he always says +brepspup for brekbux." [Footnote: Breakfast.] + +"Oh! What does he mean by chunt, Budge?" + +"I GUESS he means trunk," replied my oldest nephew. + +Recollections of my childish delight in rummaging an old trunk--it +seems a century ago that I did it--caused me to smile +sympathetically at Toddie, to his apparent great delight. How +delightful it is to strike a sympathetic chord in child-nature, +thought I; how quickly the infant eye comprehends the look which +precedes the verbal expression of an idea! Dear Toddie! for years +we might sit at one table, careless of each other's words, but the +casual mention of one of thy delights has suddenly brought our +souls into that sweetest of all human communions--that one which +doubtless bound the Master himself to that apostle who was +otherwise apparently the weakest among the chosen twelve. "An +awfoo funny chunt" seemed to annihilate suddenly all differences +of age, condition and experience between the wee boy and myself, +and-- + +A direful thought struck me. I dashed up-stairs and into my room. +Yes, he DID mean my trunk. _I_ could see nothing funny about it-- +quite the contrary. The bond of sympathy between my nephew and +myself was suddenly broken. Looking at the matter from the +comparative distance which a few weeks have placed between that +day and this, I can see that I was unable to consider the scene +before me with a calm and unprejudiced mind. I am now satisfied +that the sudden birth and hasty decease of my sympathy with Toddie +were striking instances of human inconsistency. My soul had gone +out to his because he loved to rummage in trunks, and because I +imagined he loved to see the monument of incongruous material +which resulted from such an operation; the scene before me showed +clearly that I had rightly divined my nephew's nature. And yet my +selfish instincts hastened to obscure my soul's vision, and to +prevent that joy which should ensue when "Faith is lost in full +fruition." + +My trunk had contained nearly everything, for while a campaigner I +had learned to reduce packing to an exact science. Now, had there +been an atom of pride in my composition I might have glorified +myself, for it certainly seemed as if the heap upon the floor +could never have come out of a single trunk. Clearly, Toddie was +more of a general connoisseur than an amateur in packing. The +method of his work I quickly discerned, and the discovery threw +some light upon the size of the heap in front of my trunk. A +dress-hat and its case, when their natural relationship is +dissolved, occupy nearly twice as much space as before, even if +the former contains a blacking-box not usually kept in it, and the +latter contains a few cigars soaking in bay rum. The same might be +said of a portable dressing-case and its contents, bought for me +in Vienna by a brother ex-soldier, and designed by an old +continental campaigner to be perfection itself. The straps which +prevented the cover from falling entirely back had been cut, +broken or parted in some way, and in its hollow lay my dresscoat, +tightly rolled up. Snatching it up with a violent exclamation, and +unrolling it, there dropped from it--one of those infernal dolls. +At the same time a howl was sounded from the doorway. + +"You tookted my dolly out of her cradle--I want to wock my +dolly--oo--oo--oo--ee--ee--ee--" + +"You young scoundrel," I screamed--yes, howled, I was so enraged-- +"I've a great mind to cut your throat this minute. What do you +mean by meddling with my trunk?" + +"I--doe--know." Outward turned Toddie's lower lip; I believe the +sight of it would move a Bengal tiger to pity, but no such thought +occurred to me just then. + +"What made you do it?" + +"BE--cause." + +"Because what?" + +"I--doe--know." + +Just then a terrific roar arose from the garden. Looking out, I +saw Budge with a bleeding finger upon one hand, and my razor in +the other; he afterward explained he had been making a boat, and +that knife was bad to him. To apply adhesive plaster to the cut +was the work of but a minute, and I had barely completed this +surgical operation when Tom's gardener-coachman appeared and +handed me a letter. It was addressed in Helen's well-known hand, +and read as follows (the passages in brackets were my own +comments):-- + +"BLOOMDALE, June 21, 1875. + +"DEAR HARRY:--I'm very happy in the thought that you are with my +darling children, and, although I'm having a lovely time here, I +often wish I was with you. [Ump--so do I.] I want you to know the +little treasures real well. [Thank you, but I don't think I care +to extend the acquaintanceship farther than is absolutely +necessary.] It seems to me so unnatural that relatives know so +little of those of their own blood, and especially of the innocent +little spirits whose existence is almost unheeded. [Not when +there's unlocked trunks standing about, sis.] + +"Now I want to ask a favor of you. When we were boys and girls at +home, you used to talk perfect oceans about physiognomy, and +phrenology, and unerring signs of character. I thought it was all +nonsense then, but if you believe any of it NOW, I wish you'd +study the children, and give me your well-considered opinion of +them. [Perfect demons, ma'am; imps, rascals, born to be hung-- +both of them.] + +"I can't get over the feeling that dear Budge is born for +something grand. [Grand nuisance.] He is sometimes so thoughtful +and so absorbed, that I almost fear the result of disturbing him; +then, he has that faculty of perseverance which seems to be the +on|y thing some men have lacked to make them great. [He certainly +has it; he exemplified it while I was trying to get to sleep this +morning.] + +"Toddie is going to make a poet or a musician or an artist. +[That's so; all abominable scamps take to some artistic pursuit as +an excuse for loafing.] His fancies take hold of him very +strongly. [They do--they do; "shee wheels go wound," for +instance.] He has not Budgie's sublime earnestness, but he doesn't +need it; the irresistible force with which he is drawn toward +whatever is beautiful compensates for the lack. [Ah--perhaps that +explains his operation with my trunk.] But I want your OWN +opinion, for I know you make more careful distinction in character +than I do. + +"Delighting myself with the idea that I deserve most of the credit +for the lots of reading you will have done by this time, and +hoping I shall soon have a line telling me how my darlings are, I +am as ever, "Your loving sister, "HELEN." + +Seldom have I been so roused by a letter as I was by this one, and +never did I promise myself more genuine pleasure in writing a +reply. I determined that it should be a masterpiece of analysis +and of calm yet forcible expression of opinion. + +Upon one step, at any rate, I was positively determined. Calling +the girl, I asked her where the key was that locked the door +between my room and the children. + +"Please, sir, Toddie threw it down the well." + +"Is there a locksmith in the village?" + +"No, sir; the nearest one is at Paterson." + +"Is there a screwdriver in the house?" + +"Yes, sir." + +"Bring it to me, and tell the coachman to get ready at once to +drive me to Paterson." + +The screwdriver was brought, and with it I removed the lock, got +into the carriage, and told the driver to take me to Paterson by +the hill-road--one of the most beautiful roads in America. + +"Paterson!" exclaimed Budge. "Oh, there's a candy-store in that +town, come on, Toddie." + +"Will you?" thought I, snatching the whip and giving the horses a +cut. "Not if _I_ can help it. The idea of having such a drive +spoiled by the clatter of SUCH a couple!" + +Away went the horses, and up rose a piercing shriek and a terrible +roar. It seemed that both children must have been mortally hurt, +and I looked out hastily, only to see Budge and Toddie running +after the carriage, and crying pitifully. It was too pitiful,--I +could not have proceeded without them, even if they had been +afflicted with small-pox. The driver stopped of his own accord,-- +he seemed to know the children's ways and their results,--and I +helped Budge and Toddie in, meekly hoping that the eye of +Providence was upon me, and that so self-sacrificing an act would +be duly passed to my credit. As we reached the hill-road, my +kindness to my nephews seemed to assume, greater proportions, for +the view before me was inexpressibly beautiful. The air was +perfectly clear, and across two score towns I saw the great +metropolis itself, the silent city of Greenwood beyond it, the +bay, the narrows, the sound, the two silvery rivers lying between +me and the Palisades, and even, across and to the south of +Brooklyn, the ocean itself. Wonderful effects of light and shadow, +picturesque masses, composed of detached buildings so far distant +that they seemed huddled together; grim factories turned to +beautiful palaces by the dazzling reflection of sunlight from +their window-panes; great ships seeming in the distance to be toy- +boats floating idly;--with no sign of life perceptible, the whole +scene recalled the fairy stories, read in my youthful days, of +enchanted cities, and the illusion was greatly strengthened by the +dragon-like shape of the roof of New York's new post-office, lying +in the center of everything, and seeming to brood over all. + +"Uncle Harry!" + +Ah, that was what I expected! + +"Uncle Harry!" + +"Well, Budge?" + +"I always think that looks like heaven." + +"What does?" + +"Why, all that,--from here over to that other sky way back there +behind everything, I mean. And I think THAT (here he pointed +toward what probably was a photographer's roof-light)--that place +where it's so shiny, is where God stays." + +Bless the child! The scene had suggested only elfindom to ME, and +yet I prided myself on my quick sense of artistic effects. + +"An' over there where that awful bright LITTLE speck is," +continued Budge, "that's where dear little brother Phillie is; +whenever I look over there, I see him putting his hand out." + +"Dee 'ittle Phillie went to s'eep in a box and the Lord took him +to heaven," murmured Toddie, putting together all he had seen and +heard of death. Then he raised his voice, and exclaimed:-- + +"Ocken Hawwy, you know what Iz'he goin' do when I be's big man? +Iz'he goin' to have hosses and tarridge, an' Iz'he goin' to wide +over all ze chees an' all ze houses, an' all ze world an' +evvyfing. An' whole lots of little birdies is comin' in my +tarridge an' sing songs to me, an' you can come too if you want +to, an' we'll have ICE-cream an' 'trawberries, an' see 'ittle +fishes swimmin' down in ze water, an' we'll get a g'eat big house +that's all p'itty on the outshide an' all p'itty on the inshide, +and it'll all be ours and we'll do just evvyfing we want to." + +"Toddy, you're an idealist." + +"AIN'T a 'dealisht." + +"Toddy's a goosey-gander," remarked Budge, with great gravity. +"Uncle Harry, do you think heaven's as nice as that place over +there?" + +"Yes, Budge, a great deal nicer." + +"Then why don't we die an' go there? I don't want to go on livin' +forever an' ever. I don't see why we don't die right away; I think +we've lived enough of days." + +"The Lord wants us to live until we get good and strong and smart, +and do a great deal of good before we die, old fellow--that's why +we don't die right away." + +"Well, I want to see dear little Phillie, an' if the Lord won't +let him come down here, I think he might let me die an' go to +heaven. Little Phillie always laughed when I jumped for him. Uncle +Harry, angels has wings, don't they?" + +"Some people think they have, old boy." + +"Well, I know they DON'T, cos if Phillie had wings, I know he'd +fly right down here an' see me. So they don't." + +"But maybe he has to go somewhere else, Budge, or maybe he comes +and you can't see him. We can't see angels with OUR eyes, you +know." + +"Then what made the Hebrew children in the fiery furnace see one? +Their eyes was just like ours, wasn't they? I don't care; I want +to see dear little Phillie AWFUL much. Uncle Harry, if I went to +heaven, do you know what I'd do?" + +"What WOULD you do, Budge?" + +"Why, after I saw little Phillie, I'd go right up to the Lord an' +give him a great big hug." + +"What for, Budge?" + +"Oh, cos he lets us have nice times, an' gave me my mama an' papa, +an' Phillie--but he took him away again--an' Toddie, but Toddie's +a dreadful bad boy sometimes, though." + +"Very true, Budge," said I, remembering my trunk and the object of +my ride. + +"Uncle Harry, did you ever see the Lord?" + +"No, Budge; he has been very close to me a good many times, but I +never saw him." + +"Well, _I_ have; I see him every time I look up in the sky, and +there ain't nobody 'with me." + +The driver crossed himself and whispered, "He's foriver a-sayin' +that, an' be the powers, I belave him. Sometimes ye'd think that +the howly saints thimselves was a-sphak-in' whin that bye gits to +goin' on that way." It WAS wonderful. Budge's countenance seemed +too pure to be of the earth as he continued to express his ideas +of the better land and its denizens. As for Toddie, his tongue was +going incessantly, although in a tone scarcely audible; but when I +chanced to catch his expressions, they were so droll and fanciful, +that I took him upon my lap that I might hear him more distinctly. +I even detected myself in the act of examining the mental draft of +my proposed letter to Helen, and of being ashamed of it. But +neither Toddie's fancy nor Budge's spirituality caused me to +forget the principal object of my ride. I found a locksmith and +left the lock to be fitted with a key; then we drove to the Falls. +Both boys discharged volleys of questions as we stood by the +gorge, and the fact that the roar of the falling water prevented +me from hearing them did not cause them to relax their efforts in +the least. I walked to the hotel for a cigar, taking the children +with me. I certainly spent no more than three minutes in selecting +and lighting a cigar, and asking the barkeeper a few questions +about the Falls; but when I turned, the children were missing, nor +could I see them in any direction. Suddenly before my eyes arose +from the nearer brink of the gorge two yellowish disks, which I +recognized as the hats of my nephews; then I saw between the disks +and me two small figures lying upon the ground. I was afraid to +shout, for fear of scaring them, if they happened to hear me, I +bounded across the grass, industriously raving and praying by +turns. They were lying on their stomachs and looking over the edge +of the cliff. I approached them on tip-toe, threw myself upon the +ground, and grasped a foot of each child. + +"Oh, Uncle Harry!" screamed Budge in my ear, as I dragged him +close to me, kissing and shaking him alternately, "I hunged over +more than Toddie did." + +"Well, I--I--I--I--I--I--I hunged over a good deal, ANY how," said +Toddie, in self-defense. + +That afternoon I devoted to making a bouquet for Miss Mayton, and +a most delightful occupation I found it. It was no florist's +bouquet, composed of only a few kinds of flowers, wired upon +sticks, and arranged according to geometric pattern. I used many a +rare flower, too shy of bloom to recommend itself to florists; I +combined tints almost as numerous as the flowers were, and +perfumes to which city bouquets are utter strangers. Arranging +flowers is a favorite pastime of mine, but upon this particular +occasion I enjoyed my work more than I had ever done before. Not +that I was in love with Miss Mayton; a man may honestly and +strongly admire a handsome, brilliant woman without being in love +with her; he can delight himself in trying to give her pleasure, +without feeling it necessary that she shall give him herself in +return. Since I arrived at years of discretion, I have always +smiled sarcastically at the mention of the generosity of men who +were in love; they have seemed to me rather to be asking an +immense price for what they offered. I had no such feeling toward +Miss Mayton. There have been heathens who have offered gifts to +goddesses out of pure adoration and without any idea of ever +having the exclusive companionship of their favorite divinities. I +never offered Miss Mayton any attention which did not put me into +closer sympathy with these same great-souled old Pagans, and with +such Christians as follow their good example. With each new grace +my bouquet took on, my pleasure and satisfaction increased at the +thought of how SHE would enjoy the completed evidence of my taste. + +At length it was finished, but my delight suddenly became clouded +by the dreadful thought, "What will folks say?" Had we been in New +York instead of Hillcrest, no one but the florist, his messenger, +the lady and myself would know if I sent a bouquet to Miss Mayton; +but in Hillcrest, with its several hundred native-born gossips and +its acquaintance of everybody with everybody else and their +affairs, I feared talk. Upon the discretion of Mike, the coachman, +I could safely rely; I had already confidentially conveyed sundry +bits of fractional currency to him, and informed him of one of the +parties at our store whose family Mike had known in Old Erin; but +every one knew where Mike was employed; every one knew-- +mysterious, unseen and swift are the ways of communication in the +country!--that I was the only gentleman at present residing at +Colonel Lawrence's. Ah!--I had it. I had seen in one of the +library-drawers a small pasteboard box, shaped like a band-box-- +doubtless THAT would hold it. I found the box--it was of just the +size I needed. I dropped my card into the bottom,--no danger of a +lady not finding the card accompanying a gift of flowers,--neatly +fitted the bouquet in the center of the box, and went in search of +Mike. He winked cheeringly as I explained the nature of his +errand, and he whispered:-- + +"I'll do it as clane as a whistle, yer honor. Mistress Clarkson's +cook an' mesilf understhand each other, an' I'm used to goin' up +the back way. Dhivil a man can see but the angels, an' they won't +tell." + +"Very well, Mike; here's a dollar for you; you'll find the box on +the hat-rack in the hall." + +Half an hour later, while I sat in my chamber window, reading, I +beheld Mike, cleanly shaved, dressed and brushed, swinging up the +road, with my box balanced on one of his enormous hands. With a +head full of pleasing fancies, I went down to supper. My new +friends were unusually good. Their ride seemed to have toned down +their boisterousness and elevated their little souls; their +appetites exhibited no diminution of force, but they talked but +little, and all that they said was smart, funny, or startling--so +much so that when, after supper, they invited me to put them to +bed, I gladly accepted the invitation. Toddie disappeared +somewhere, and came back very disconsolate. + +"Can't find my dolly's k'adle," he whined. + +"Never mind, old pet," said I, soothingly. "Uncle will ride you on +his foot." + +"But I WANT my dolly's k'adle," said he, piteously rolling out his +lower lip. + +I remembered my experience when Toddie wanted to "shee wheels go +wound," and I trembled. + +"Toddie," said I, in a tone so persuasive that it would be worth +thousands a year to me, as a salesman, if I could only command it +at will; "Toddie, don't you want to ride on uncle's back?" + +"No: want my dolly's k'adle." + +"Don't you want me to tell you a story?" + +For a moment Toddie's face indicated a terrible internal conflict +between old Adam and mother Eve, but curiosity finally overpowered +natural depravity, and Toddie murmured:-- + +"Yesh." + +"What shall I tell you about?" + +"'Bout Nawndeark." + +"About WHAT?" + +"He means Noah an' the ark," exclaimed Budge. + +"Datsh what _I_ shay--Nawndeark," declared Toddie. + +"Well," said I, hastily refreshing my memory by picking up the +Bible,--for Helen, like most people, is pretty sure to forget to +pack her Bible when she runs away from home for a few days,-- +"well, once it rained forty days and nights, and everybody was +drowned from the face of the earth excepting Noah, a righteous +man, who was saved, with all his family, in an ark which the Lord +commanded him to build." + +"Uncle Harry," said Budge, after contemplating me with open eyes +and mouth for at least two minutes after I had finished, "do you +think that's Noah?" + +"Certainly, Budge; here's the whole story in the Bible." + +"Well, _I_ don't think it's Noah one single bit," said he, with +increasing emphasis. + +"I'm. beginning to think we read different Bibles, Budge; but +let's hear YOUR version." + +"Huh?" + +"Tell ME about Noah, if you know so much about him." + +"I will, if you want me to. Once the Lord felt so uncomfortable +cos folks was bad that he was sorry he ever made anybody, or any +world or anything. But Noah wasn't bad--the Lord liked him first- +rate, so he told Noah to build a big ark, and then the Lord would +make it rain so everybody should be drownded but Noah an' his +little boys an' girls, an' doggies an' pussies an' mama-cows an' +little-boy-cows an' little-girl-cows an' hosses an' everything-- +they'd go in the ark an' wouldn't get wetted a bit, when it +rained. An' Noah took lots of things to eat in the ark--cookies, +an' milk, an' oatmeal, an' strawberries, an' porgies, an'--oh, +yes; an' plum-puddin's an' pumpkin-pies. But Noah didn't want +everybody to get drownded, so he talked to folks an' said, 'It's +goin' to rain AWFUL pretty soon; you'd better be good, an' then +the Lord'll let you come into my ark.' An' they jus' said, 'Oh, if +it rains we'll go in the house till it stops;' an' other folks +said, 'WE ain't afraid of rain--we've got an umbrella.' An' some +more said, they wasn't goin' to be afraid of just a rain. But it +DID rain though, an' folks went in their houses, an' the water +came in, an' they went up-stairs, an' the water came up there, an' +they got on the tops of the houses, an' up in big trees, an' up in +mountains, an' the water went after 'em everywhere an' drownded +everybody, only just except Noah and the people in the ark. An' it +rained forty days an' nights, an' then it stopped, an' Noah got +out of the ark, an' he and his little boys an' girls went wherever +they wanted to, and everything in the world was all theirs; there +wasn't anybody to tell 'em to go home, nor no Kindergarten schools +to go to, nor no bad boys to fight 'em, nor nothin'. Now tell us +'nother story." + +I determined that I would not again attempt to repeat portions of +the Scripture narrative--my experience in that direction had not +been encouraging. I ventured upon a war story. + +"Do you know what the war was?" I asked, by way of reconnoissance. + +"Oh, yes," said Budge; "papa was there, an' he's got a sword; +don't you see it, hangin' up there?" + +Yes, I saw it, and the difference between the terrible field where +last I saw Tom's sword in action, and this quiet room where it now +hung, forced me into a reverie from which I was aroused by Budge +remarking:-- + +"Ain't you goin' to tell us one?" + +"Oh, yes, Budge. One day while the war was going on, there was a +whole lot of soldiers going along a road, and they were as hungry +as they could be; they hadn't had anything to eat that day." + +"Why didn't they go into the houses, and the people they was +hungry? That's what _I_ do when I goes along roads." + +"Because the people in that country didn't like them; the brothers +and papas and husbands of those people were soldiers, too; but +they didn't like the soldiers I told you about first, and they +wanted to kill them." + +"I don't think they were a bit nice," said Budge, with +considerable decision. + +"Well, the first soldiers wanted to kill THEM, Budge." + +"Then they was ALL bad, to want to kill each other." + +"Oh, no, they weren't; there were a great many real good men on +both sides." + +Poor Budge looked sadly puzzled, as he had an excellent right to +do, since the wisest and best men are sorely perplexed by the +nature of warlike feeling. + +"Both parties of soldiers were on horseback," I continued, "and +they were near each other, and when they saw each other they made +their horses run fast, and the bugles blew, and the soldiers all +took their swords out to kill each other with, when just then a +little boy, who had been out in the woods to pick berries for his +mama, tried to run across the road, and caught his toe some way, +and fell down, and cried. Then somebody hallooed 'Halt!' very +loud, and all the horses on one side stopped, and then somebody +else hallooed 'Halt!' and a lot of bugles blew, and every horse on +the other; side stopped, and one soldier jumped off his horse, and +picked up the little boy--he was only about as big as you, Budge-- +and tried to comfort him; and then a soldier from the other side +came up to look at him, and then more soldiers came from both +sides to look at him; and when he got better and walked home, the +soldiers all rode away, because they didn't feel like fighting +just then." + +"Oh, Uncle Harry! I think it was an AWFUL good soldier that got +off his horse to take care of that poor little boy." + +"Do you, Budge? Who do you think it was?" + +"I dunno." + +"It was your papa." + +"Oh--h--h--h--h!" If Tom could have but seen the expression upon +his boy's face as he prolonged this exclamation, his loss of one +of the grandest chances a cavalry officer ever had would not have +seemed so great to him as it had done for years. He seemed to take +in the story in all its bearings, and his great eyes grew in depth +as they took on the far-away look which seemed too earnest for the +strength of an earthly being to support. + +But Toddie,--he who a fond mama thought endowed with art sense,-- +Toddie had throughout my recital the air of a man who was musing +on some affair of his own, and Budge's exclamation had hardly died +away, when Toddie commenced to wave aloud an extravaganza wholly +his own. + +"When _I_ was a soldier," he remarked, very gravely, "I had a coat +an' a hat on, an' a muff an' a little knake [Footnote: Snake: +tippet.] wound my neck to keep me warm, an' it wained, an' hailed, +an' 'tormed, an' I felt bad, so I whallowed a sword an' burned me +all down dead." + +"And how did you get here?" I asked, with interest proportioned to +the importance of Toddie's last clause. + +"Oh, I got up from the burn-down dead, an' COMED right here. An' I +want my dolly's k'adle." + +Oh persistent little dragon! If you were of age, what a fortune +you might make in business! + +"Uncle Harry, I wish my papa would come home right away," said +Budge. + +"Why, Budge?" + +"I want to love him for bein' so good to that poor little boy in +the war." + +"Ocken Hawwy, I wants my dolly's k'adle, tause my dolly's in it, +an' I want to shee her;" thus spake Toddie. + +"Don't you think the Lord loved my papa awful much for doin' that +sweet thing, Uncle Harry?" asked Budge. + +"Yes, old fellow, I feel sure that he did." + +"Lord lovesh my papa vewy much, so I love ze Lord vewy much," +remarked Toddie. "An' I wants my dolly's k'adle an' my dolly." + +"Toddie, I don't know where either of them are--I can't find them +now--DO wait until morning, then Uncle Harry will look for them." + +"I don't see how the Lord can get along in heaven without my papa, +Uncle Harry," said Budge. + +"Lord takesh papa to heaven, an' Budgie an' me, an' we'll go +walkin' an' see ze Lord, an' play wif ze angels' wings, an' hazh +good timsh, an' never have to go to bed at all, at all." + +Pure hearted little innocents! compared with older people whom we +endure, how great thy faith and how few thy faults! How superior +thy love-- + +A knock at the door interrupted me. "Come in!" I shouted. + +In stepped Mike, with an air of the greatest secrecy, handed me a +letter and the identical box in which I had sent the flowers to +Miss Mayton. What COULD it mean? I hastily opened the envelope, +and at the same time Toddie shrieked:-- + +"Oh, darsh my dolly's k'adle--dare 'tish!" snatched and opened the +box, and displayed--his doll! My heart sickened, and did NOT +regain its strength during the perusal of the following note:-- + +"Miss Mayton herewith returns to Mr. Burton the package which just +arrived, with his card. She recognizes the contents as a portion +of the apparent property of one of Burton's nephews, but is unable +to understand why it should have been sent to her. "June 20, +1875." + +"Toddie," I roared, as my younger nephew caressed his loathsome +doll, and murmured endearing words to it, "where did you get that +box?" + +"On the hat-wack," replied the youth, with perfect fearlessness; +"I keeps it in ze book-case djawer, an' somebody took it 'way an' +put nasty ole flowers in it." + +"Where are those flowers?" I demanded. + +Toddie looked up with considerable surprise but promptly replied:-- + +"I froed 'em away--don't want no ole flowers in my dolly's k'adle. +That's ze way she wocks--see!" And this horrible little destroyer +of human hopes rolled that box back and forth with the most utter +unconcern, as he spoke endearing words to the substitute for my +beautiful bouquet! + +To say that I looked at Toddie reprovingly is to express my +feelings in the most inadequate language, but of language in which +to express my feelings to Toddie. I could find absolutely none. +Within two or three short moments I had discovered how very +anxious I really was to merit Miss Mayton's regard, and how very +different was the regard I wanted from that which I had previously +hoped might be accorded me. It seemed too ridiculous to be true +that I, who had for years had dozens of charming lady +acquaintances, and yet had always maintained my common sense and +self-control; I, who had always considered it unmanly for a man to +specially interest himself in ANY lady until he had an income of +five thousand a year; I who had skilfully, and many times, argued, +that life-attachments, or attempts thereat, which were made +without a careful preliminary study of the mental characteristics +of the partner desired, was the most unpardonable folly,--I had +transgressed every one of my own rules, and, as if to mock me for +any pretended wisdom and care, my weakness was made known to me by +a three-year-old marplot and a hideous rag-doll! + +That merciful and ennobling dispensation by which Providence +enables us to temper the severity of our own sufferings by +alleviating those of others, came soon to my rescue. Under my +stern glance Toddie gradually lost interest in his doll and its +cradle, and began to thrust forth and outward his piteous lower +lip and to weep copiously. + +"Dee Lord, not make me sho bad," he cried through his tears. I +doubt his having had any very clear idea of what he was saying, or +whom he was addressing; but had the publican of whose prayer +Toddie made so fair a paraphrase worn such a face when he offered +his famous petition, it could not have been denied for a moment. +Toddie even retired to a corner and hid his face in self-imposed +penance. + +"Never mind, Toddie," said I, sadly; "you didn't mean to do it, I +know." + +"I wantsh to love you," sobbed Toddie. + +"Well, come here, you poor little fellow," said I, opening my +arms, and wondering whether 'twas not after contemplation of some +such sinner that good Bishop Tegner wrote:-- + +"Depths of love are atonement's depths, for love is atonement" + +Toddie came to my arms, shed tears freely upon my shirt-front, and +finally, after heaving a very long sigh, remarked:-- + +"Wantsh YOU to love ME" + +I complied with his request. Theoretically, I had long believed +that the higher wisdom of the Creator was most frequently +expressed through the medium of his most innocent creations. +Surely here was a confirmation of my theory, for who else had ever +practically taught me the duty of the injured one toward his +offender? I kissed Toddie and petted him, and at length succeeded +in quieting him; his little face, in spite of much dirt and many +tear-stains, was upturned with more of beauty in it than it ever +held when its owner was full of joy; he looked earnestly, +confidingly, into my eyes, and I congratulated myself upon the +perfection of my forgiving spirit, when Toddie suddenly +re-exhibited to me my old unregenerate nature, and the +incompleteness of my forgiveness, by saying:-- + +"Kish my dolly, too." + +I obeyed. My forgiveness was made complete, but so was my +humiliation. I abruptly closed our interview. We exchanged "God +bless you's," according to Budge's instructions of the previous +night, and at least one of the participants in this devotional +exercise hoped the petitions made by the other were distinctly +heard. Then I dropped into an easy-chair in the library, and fell +to thinking. I found myself really and seriously troubled by the +results of Toddie's operation with my bouquet. I might explain the +matter to Miss Mayton--I undoubtedly could, for she was too +sensible a woman to be easily offended merely by a ridiculous +mistake, caused by a child. But she would laugh at ME--how could +she help it?--and to be laughed at by Miss Mayton was a something +the mere thought of which tormented me in a manner that made me +fairly ashamed of myself. Like every other young man among young +men, I had been the butt of many a rough joke, and had borne them +without wincing; it seemed cowardly and contemptible that I should +be so sensitive under the mere thought of laughter which would +probably be heard by no one but Miss Mayton herself. But the +laughter of a mere acquaintance is likely to lessen respect for +the person laughed at. Heavens! the thought was unendurable! At +any rate, I must write an early apology. When I was correspondent +for the house with which I am now salesman I reclaimed many an old +customer who had wandered off--certainly I might hope by a well- +written letter to regain in Miss Mayton's respect whatever +position I had lost. I hastily drafted a letter, corrected it +carefully, copied it in due form, and forwarded it by the faithful +Michael. Then I tried to read, but without the least success. For +hours I paced the piazza and consumed cigars; when at last I +retired it was with many ideas, hopes, fears, and fancies which +had never before been mine. True to my trust, I looked into my +nephews' room; there lay the boys, in postures more graceful than +any which brush or chisel have ever reproduced. Toddie, in +particular, wore so lovely an expression that I could not refrain +from kissing him. But I was none the less careful to make use of +my new key, and to lock my other door also. + +The next day was the Sabbath. Believing fully in the binding force +and worldly wisdom of the Fourth Commandment, so far as it refers +to rest, I have conscientiously trained myself to sleep two hours +later on the morning of the holy day than I ever allowed myself to +do on business days. But having inherited, besides a New England +conscience, a New England abhorrence of waste, I regularly sit up +two hours later on Saturday nights than on any others; and the +night preceding this particular Sabbath was no exception to the +rule, as the reader may imagine from the foregoing recital. At +about 5.30 A. M., however, I became conscious that my nephews were +not in accord, with me on the Sinaitic law. They were not only +awake, but were disputing vigorously, and, seemingly, very loudly, +for I heard their words very distinctly. With sleepy condescension +I endeavored to ignore these noisy irreverents, but I was suddenly +moved to a belief in the doctrine of vicarious atonement, for a +flying body, with more momentum than weight, struck me upon the +not prominent bridge of my nose, and speedily and with unnecessary +force accommodated itself to the outline of my eyes. After a +moment spent in anguish, and in wondering how the missive came +through closed doors and windows, I discovered that my pain had +been caused by one of the dolls, which, from its extreme +uncleanness, I suspected belonged to Toddie; I also discovered +that the door between the rooms was open. + +"Who threw that doll?" I shouted, sternly. There came no response. + +"Do you hear?" I roared. + +"What is it, Uncle Harry?" asked Budge, with most exquisitely +polite inflection. + +"Who threw that doll?" + +"Huh?" + +"I say, who threw that doll?" + +"Why, nobody did it." + +"Toddie, who threw that doll?" + +"Budge did," replied Toddie in muffled tones, suggestive of a +brotherly hand laid forcibly over a pair of small lips. + +"Budge, what did you do it for?" + +"Why--why--I--because--why, you see--because, why, Toddie froo his +dolly in my mouth; some of her hair went in, any how, an' I didn't +want his dolly in my mouth, so I sent it back to him, an' the foot +of the bed didn't stick up enough, so it went from the door to +your bed--that's what for." + +The explanation seemed to bear marks of genuineness, albiet the +pain of my eye was not alleviated thereby, while the exertion +expended in eliciting the information had so thoroughly awakened +me that further sleep was out of the question. Besides, the open +door,--had a burglar been in the room? No; my watch and pocketbook +were undisturbed. "Budge, who opened that door?" + +After some hesitation, as if wondering who really did it, Budge +replied:-- + +"Me." + +"How did you do it?" + +"Why, you see we wanted a drink, an' the door was fast, so we got +out the window on the parazzo roof, an' comed in your window." +(Here a slight pause.) "An' 'twas fun. An' then we unlocked the +door, an' comed back." + +Then I should be compelled to lock my window-blinds--or theirs, +and this in the summer season, too! Oh, if Helen could have but +passed the house as that white-robed procession had filed along +the piazza-roof! I lay pondering over the vast amount of unused +ingenuity that was locked up in millions of children, or employed +only to work misery among unsuspecting adults, when I heard light +footfalls at my bedside, and saw a small shape with a grave face +approach and remark:-- + +"I wants to come in your bed." + +"What for, Toddie?" + +"To fwolic; papa always fwolics us Sunday mornin's. Tum, Budgie, +Ocken Hawwy's doin' to fwolic us." + +Budge replied by shrieking with delight, tumbling out of bed, and +hurrying to that side of my bed not already occupied by Toddie. +Then those two little savages sounded the onslaught and advanced +precipitately upon me. Sometimes, during the course of my life, I +have had day-dreams which I have told to no one. Among these has +been one--not now so distinct as it was before my four years of +campaigning--of one day meeting in deadly combat the painted +Indian of the plains; of listening undismayed to his frightful +war-whoop, and of exemplifying in my own person the inevitable +result of the pale-face's superior intelligence. But upon this +particular Sunday morning I relinquished this idea informally, but +forever. Before the advance of these diminutive warriors I quailed +contemptibly, and their battle-cry sent more terror to my soul +than that member ever experienced from the well-remembered rebel +yell. According to Toddie, I was going to "fwolic" THEM; but from +the first they took the whole business into their own little but +effective hands. Toddie pronounced my knees, collectively a-horsie +"bonnie," and bestrode them, laughing gleefully at my efforts to +unseat him, and holding himself in position by digging his pudgy +fingers into whatever portions of my anatomy he could most easily +seize. Budge shouted, "I want a horsie, too!" and seated himself +upon my chest. "This is the way the horsie goes," explained he, as +he slowly rocked himself backward and forward. I began to realize +how my brother-in-law, who had once been a fine gymnast, had +become so flat-chested. Just then Budge's face assumed a more +spirited expression, his eyes opened wide and lightened up, and, +shouting, "This the way the horsie TROTS," he stood upright, threw +up his feet, and dropped his forty-three avoirdupois pounds +forcibly upon my lungs. He repeated this operation several times +before I fully recovered from the shock conveyed by his combined +impudence and weight; but pain finally brought my senses back, and +with a wild plunge I unseated my demoniac riders and gained a +clear space in the middle of the floor. + +"Ah--h--h--h--h--h--h," screamed Toddie, "I wants to wide horshie +backen." + +"Boo--oo--oo--oo--," roared Budge, "I think you're real mean. I +don't love you at all." + +Regardless alike of Toddie's desires, of Budge's opinion, and the +cessation of his regard, I performed a hasty toilet. +Notnwithstanding my lost rest, savagely thanked the Lord for +Sunday; at church, at least, I could be free from my tormentors. +At the breakfast-table both boys invited themselves to accompany +me to the sanctuary, but I declined without thanks. To take them +might be to assist somewhat in teaching them one of the best of +habits, but I strongly doubted whether the severest Providence +would consider it my duty to endure the probable consequences of +such an attempt. Besides I MIGHT meet Miss Mayton. I both hoped +and feared I might, and I could not, endure the thought of +appearing before her with the causes of my pleasant REMEMBRANCE. +Budge protested and Toddie wept, but I remained firm, although I +was so willing to gratify their reasonable desires that I took +them out for a long ante-service walk. While enjoying this little +trip I delighted the children by killing a snake and spoiling a +slender cane at the same time, my own sole consolation coming from +the discovery that the remains of the staff were sufficient to +make a cane for Budge. While returning to the house and preparing +for church I entered into a solemn agreement with Budge, who was +usually recognized as the head of this fraternal partnership. +Budge contracted, for himself and brother, to make no attempts to +enter my room; to refrain from fighting; to raise loose dirt only +with a shovel, and to convey it to its destination by means other +than their own hats and aprons; to pick no flowers; to open no +water-faucets; to refer all disagreements to the cook, as +arbitrator, and to build no houses of the new books which I had +stacked upon the library table. In consideration of the promised +faithful observance of these conditions I agreed that Budge should +be allowed to come alone to Sabbath school, which convened +directly after morning service, he to start only after Maggie had +pronounced him duly cleansed and clothed. As Toddie was daily kept +in bed from eleven to one, I felt that I might safely worship +without distracting fears, for Budge could not alone, and in a +single hour, become guilty of any particular sin. The church at +Hillcrest had many more seats than members, and as but few summer +visitors had yet appeared in the town, I was conscious of being +industriously stared at by the native members of the congregation. +This was of itself discomfort enough, but not all to which I was +destined, for the usher conducted me quite near to the altar, and +showed me into a pew whose only other occupant was Miss Mayton! Of +course the lady did not recognize me--she was too carefully bred +to do anything of the sort in church, and I spent ten +uncomfortable minutes in mentally abusing the customs of good +society. The beginning of the service partially ended my +uneasiness, for I had no hymn-book,--the pew contained none,--so +Miss Mayton kindly offered me a share in her own. And yet so +faultlessly perfect and stranger-like was her manner that I +wondered whether her action might not have been prompted merely by +a sense of Christian duty; had I been the Khan of Tartary she +could not have been more polite and frigid. The music to the first +hymn was an air I had never heard before, so I stumbled miserably +through the tenor, although Miss Mayton rendered the soprano +without a single false note. The sermon was longer than I was in +the habit of listening to, and I was frequently conscious of not +listening at all. As for my position and appearance, neither ever +seemed so insignificant as they did throughout the entire service. + +The minister reached "And finally, dear brethren," with my earnest +prayers for a successful and speedy finale. It seemed to me that +the congregation sympathized with me, for there was a general +rustle behind me as these words were spoken. It soon became +evident, however, that the hearers were moved by some other +feeling, for I heard a profound titter or two behind me. Even Miss +Mayton turned her head with more alacrity than was consistent with +that grace which usually characterized her motions, and the +minister himself made a pause of unusual length. I turned in my +seat, and saw my nephew Budge, dressed in his best, his head +irreverently covered, and his new cane swinging in the most +stylish manner. He paused at each pew, carefully surveyed its +occupants, seemed to fail in finding the object of his search, but +continued his efforts in spite of my endeavors to catch his eye. +Finally, he recognized a family acquaintance, and to him he +unburdened his bosom by remarking, in tones easily heard +throughout the church:-- + +"I want to find my uncle." + +Just then he caught my eye, smiled rapturously, hurried to me and +laid his rascally soft cheek confidingly against mine, while an +audible sensation pervaded the church. What to do or say to him I +scarcely knew; but my quandary was turned to wonder, as Miss +Mayton, her face full of ill-repressed mirth, but her eyes full of +tenderness, drew the little scamp close to her, and Mssed him +soundly. At the same instant, the minister, not without some +little hesitation, said, "Let us pray." I hastily bowed my head, +glad of a chance to hide my face; but as I stole a glance at the +cause of this irreligious disturbance, I caught Miss Mayton's eye. +She was laughing so violently that the contagion was unavoidable, +and I laughed all the harder as I felt that one mischievous boy +had undone the mischief caused by another. + +After the benediction, Budge was the recipient of a great deal of +attention, during the confusion of which I embraced the +opportunity to say to Miss Mayton:-- + +"Do you still sustain my sister in her opinion of my nephews, Miss +Mayton?" + +"I think they're too funny for anything," replied the lady, with +great enthusiasm. "I DO wish you would bring them to call upon me. +I'm longing to see an ORIGINAL young gentleman." + +"Thank you," said I. "And I'll have Toddie bring a bouquet by way +of atonement," + +"Do," she replied, as I allowed her to pass from the pew. The word +was an insignificant one, but it made me happy once more. + +"You see, Uncle Harry," exclaimed Budge, as we left the church +together, "the Sunday-school wasn't open yet, an' I wanted to hear +if they'd sing again in church; so I came in, an' you wasn't in +papa's seat, an' I knew you was SOMEwhere, so I LOOKED for you." + +"Bless you," thought I, snatching him into my arms as if to hurry +him into Sabbath school, but really to give him a kiss of grateful +affection, "you did right--EXACTLY right." + +My Sunday dinner was unexceptional in point of quantity and +quality, and a bottle of my brother-in-law's claret proved to be +most excellent; yet a certain uneasiness of mind prevented my +enjoying the meal as thoroughly as under other circumstances I +might have done. My uneasiness came of a mingled sense of +responsibility and ignorance. I felt that it was the proper thing +for me to see that my nephews spent the day with some sense of the +requirements and duties of the Sabbath; but how I was to bring it +about, I hardly knew. The boys, were too small to have Bible- +lessons administered to them, and they were too lively to be kept +quiet by any ordinary means. After a great deal of thought, I +determined to consult the children themselves, and try to learn +what their parents' custom had been. + +"Budge," said I, "what do you do Sundays when your papa and mama +are home? What do they read to you,--what do they talk about?" + +"Oh, they swing us--lots!" said Budge, with brightening eyes. + +"An' zey takes us to get jacks," observed Toddie. + +"Oh, yes!" exclaimed Budge; "jacks-in-the-pulpit--don't you know?" + +"Hum--ye--es; I do remember some such thing in my youthful days. +They grow where there's plenty of mud, don't they?" + +"Yes, an' there's a brook there, an' ferns, an' birch-bark, an' if +you don't look out you'll tumble into the brook when you go to get +birch." + +"An' we goes to Hawksnest Rock," piped Toddie, "an' papa carries +us up on his back when we gets tired." + +"An' he makes us whistles," said Budge. + +"Budge," said I, rather hastily, "enough. In the language of the +poet + + "'These earthly pleasures I resign,' + +and I'm rather astonished that your papa hasn't taught you to do +likewise. Don't he ever read to you?" + +"Oh, yes," cried Budge, clapping his hands, as a happy thought +struck him. "He gets down the Bible--the great BIG Bible, you +know--an' we all lay on the floor, an' he reads us stories out of +it. There's David, an' Noah, an' when Christ was a little boy, an' +Joseph, an' turnbackPharo'sannyhallelujah--" + +"And what?" + +"TurnbackPharo'sarmyhallelujah," repeated Budge. "Don't you know +how Moses held out his cane over the Red Sea, an' the water went +way up one side, an' way up the other side, and all the Isrulites +went across? It's just the same thing as +DROWNoldPharo'sarmyhallelujah--don't you know?" + +"Budge," said I, "I suspect you of having heard the Jubilee +Singers." + +"Oh, and papa and mama sings us all those Jubilee songs--there's +'Swing Low,' an' 'Roll Jordan,' an' 'Steal Away,' an' 'My Way's +Cloudy,' an' 'Get on Board, Childuns,' an' lots. An' you can sing +us every one of 'em." + +"An' papa takes us in the woods, an' makesh us canes," said +Toddie. + +"Yes," said Budge, "and where there's new houses buildin', he +takes us up ladders." + +"Has he any way of putting an extension on the afternoon?" I +asked. + +"I don't know what that is," said Budge, "but he puts an India- +rubber blanket on the grass, and then we all lie down an' make +b'lieve we're soldiers asleep. Only sometimes when we wake up papa +stays asleep, an' mama won't let us wake him. I don't think that's +a very nice play." + +"Well, I think Bible stories are nicer than anything else, don't +you?" + +Budge seemed somewhat in doubt. "I think swingin' is nicer," said +he--"oh, no;--let's get some jacks--I'LL tell you what!--make us +whistles an' we can blow on 'em while we're goin' to get the +jacks. Toddie, dear, wouldn't YOU like jacks and whistles?" + +"Yesh--an' swingin'--an' birch--an' wantsh to go to Hawksnesh +Rock," answered Toddie. + +"Let's have Bible stories first," said I. "The Lord mightn't like +it if you didn't learn anything good to-day." + +"Well," said Budge, with the regulation religious-matter-of-duty- +face, "let's. I guess I like 'bout Joseph best." + +"Tell us 'bout Bliaff," suggested Toddie. + +"Oh, no, Tod," remonstrated Budge; "Joseph's coat was just as +bloody as Goliath's head was." Then Budge turned to me and +explained that "all Tod likes Goliath for is 'cause when his head +was cut off it was all bloody." And then Toddie--the airy sprite +whom his mother described as being irresistibly drawn to whatever +was beautiful--Toddie glared upon me as a butcher's apprentice +might stare at a doomed lamb, and remarked:-- + +"Bliaff's head was all bluggy, an' David's sword was all bluggy-- +bluggy as everyfing." + +I hastily breathed a small prayer, opened the Bible, turned to the +story of Joseph, and audibly condensed it as I read:-- + +"Joseph was a good little boy whose papa loved him very dearly. +But his brothers didn't like him. And they sold him, to go to +Egypt. And he was very smart, and told the people what their +dreams meant, and he got to be a great man. And his brothers went +to Egypt to buy corn, and Joseph sold them some, and then he let +them know who he was. And he sent them home to bring their papa to +Egypt, and then they all lived there together." + +"That ain't it," remarked Toddie, with the air of a man who felt +himself to be unjustly treated. "Is it, Budge?" + +"Oh, no," said Budge, "you didn't read it good a bit; I'LL tell +you how it is. Once there was a little boy named Joseph, an' he +had eleven budders--they was AWFUL eleven budders. An' his papa +gave him a new coat, an' his budders hadn't nothin' but their old +jackets to wear. An' one day he was carryin' 'em their dinner, an' +they put him in a deep, dark hole, but they didn't put his nice +new coat in--they killed a kid, an' dipped the coat--just think of +doin' that to a nice new coat--they dipped it in the kid's blood, +an' made it all bloody." + +"All bluggy," echoed Toddie, with ferocious emphasis. Budge +continued:-- + +"But there were some Ishmalites comin' along that way, and the +awful eleven budders took him out of the deep dark hole, an' sold +him to the Ishmalites, an' they sold him away down in Egypt. An' +his poor old papa cried, an' cried, 'cause he thought a big lion +ate Joseph up; but he wasn't ate up a bit; but there wasn't no +post-office nor choo-choos, [Footnote: railway cars] nor stages in +Egypt, an' there wasn't any telegraphs, so Joseph couldn't let his +papa know where he was; an' he got so smart an' so good that the +king of Egypt let him sell all the corn an' take care of the +money; an' one day some men came to buy some corn, an' Joseph +looked at 'em an' there they was his own budders! An' he scared +'em like everything; I'D have SLAPPED 'em all if I'D been Joseph, +but he just scared 'em, an' then he let 'em know who he was, an' +he kissed 'em an' he didn't whip 'em, or make 'em go without their +breakfast, or stand in a corner, nor none of them things; an' then +he sent 'em back for their papa, an' when he saw his papa comin', +he ran like everything, and gave him a great big hug and a kiss. +Joseph was too big to ask his papa if he'd brought him any candy, +but he was awful glad to see him. An' the king gave Joseph's papa +a nice farm, an' they all had real good times after that." + +"And they dipped the coat in the blood; an' made it all bluggy," +reiterated Toddie. + +"Uncle Harry," said Budge, "what do you think MY papa would do if +he thought I was all ate up by a lion? I guess he'd cry AWFUL, +don't you? Now tell us another story--oh, I'LL tell you--read us +'bout--" + +"'Bout Bliaff," interrupted Toddie. + +"YOU tell ME about him, Toddie," said I. + +"Why," said Toddie, "Bliaff was a brate bid man, an' Dave was +brate little man, an' Bliaff said, 'Come over here'n an' I'll eat +you up,' an' Dave said, '_I_ ain't fyaid of you.' So Dave put five +little stones in a sling an' asked de Lord to help him, an' let ze +sling go bang into bequeen Bliaff's eyes an' knocked him down +dead, an' Dave took Bliaff's sword an' sworded Bliaff's head off, +an' made it all bluggy, an' Bliaff runned away." This short +narration was accompanied by more spirited and unexpected gestures +than Mr. Gough ever puts into a long lecture. + +"I don't like 'bout Goliath at all," remarked Budge. "I'D like to +hear 'bout Ferus." + +"Who?" + +"Ferus; don't you know?" + +"Never heard of him, Budge." + +"Why--y--y--!" exclaimed Budge; "didn't you have no papa when you +was a little boy?" + +"Yes, but he never told me about any one named Ferus; there's no +such person named in Anthon's Classical Dictionary, either. What +sort of a man was he?" + +"Why, once there was a man, an' his name was Ferus--Offerus, an' +he went about fightin' for kings, but when any king got afraid of +anybody, he wouldn't fight for him no more. An' one day he +couldn't find no kings that wasn't afraid of nobody. An' the +people told him the Lord was the biggest king in the world, an' he +wasn't afraid of nobody or nothing. An' he asked 'em where he +could find the Lord, and they said he was way up in heaven so +nobody couldn't see him but the angels, but he liked folks to WORK +for him instead of fight. So Ferus wanted to know what kind of +work he could do, an' the people said there was a river not far +off, where there wasn't no ferry-boats, cos the water run so fast, +an' they guessed if he'd carry folks across, the Lord would like +it. So Ferus went there, and he cut him a good, strong cane, an' +whenever anybody wanted to go across the river he'd carry 'em on +his back. + +"One night he was sittin' in his little house by the fire, and +smokin' his pipe an' readin' the paper, an' 'twas rainin' an' +blowin' an' hailin' an' stormin', an' he was so glad there wasn't +anybody wantin' to go 'cross the river, when he heard somebody +call out 'Ferus!' An' he looked out the window, but he couldn't +see nobody, so he sat down again. Then somebody called 'Ferus!' +again, and he opened the door again, an' there was a little bit of +a boy, 'bout as big as Toddie. An' Ferus said, 'Hullo, young +fellow, does your mother know you're out?' An' the little boy +said, 'I want to go 'cross the river.'--'Well,' says Ferus, +'you're a mighty little fellow to be travelin' alone, but hop up.' +So the little boy jumped up on Ferus's back, and Ferus walked into +the water. Oh, my--WASN'T it cold? An' every step he took that +little boy got heavier, so Ferus nearly tumbled down an' they +liked to both got drownded. An' when they got across the river +Ferus said, 'Well, you ARE the heaviest small fry I ever carried,' +an' he turned around to look at him, an' 'twasn't no little boy at +all--'twas a big man--'twas Christ. An' Christ said, 'Ferus, I +heard you was tryin' to work for me, so I thought I'd come down +an' see you, an' not let you know who I was. An' now you shall +have a new name; you shall be called CHRISTofferus, cos that means +Christ-carrier.' An' everybody called him Christofferus after +that, an' when he died they called him SAINT Christopher, cos +Saint is what they called good people when they're dead." + +Budge himself had the face of a rapt saint as he told this story, +but my contemplation of his countenance was suddenly arrested by +Toddie, who, disapproving of the unexciting nature of his +brother's recital, had strayed into the garden, investigated a +hornet's nest, been stung, and set up a piercing shriek. He ran in +to me, and as I hastily picked him up, he sobbed:-- + +"Want to be wocked. [Footnote: Rocked.] Want 'Toddie one boy +day.'" + +I rocked him violently, and petted him tenderly, but again he +sobbed:-- + +"Want 'Toddie one boy day.'" + +"What DOES the child mean?" I exclaimed. + +"He wants you to sing to him about 'Charley boy one day,'" said +Budge. "He always wants mamma to sing that when he's hurt, an' +then he stops crying." + +"I don't know it," said I. "Won't 'Roll, Jordan,' do, Toddie?" + +"I'LL tell you how it goes," said Budge, and forthwith the youth +sang the following song, a line at a time, I following him in +words and air:-- + + "Where is my little bastik [Footnote: Basket.] gone?" + Said Charley, one boy day; + "I guess some little boy or girl + Has taken it away. + + "An' kittie, too--where ISH she gone? + Oh dear, what shall I do? + I wish I could my bastik find, + An' little kittie, too. + + "I'll go to mamma's room an' look; + Perhaps she may be there; + For kittie likes to take a nap + In mamma's easy chair. + + "O mamma, mamma, come an' look + See what a little heap! + Here's kittie in the bastik here, + All cuddled down to sleep." + +Where the applicability of this poem to my nephew's peculiar +trouble appeared, I could not see, but as I finished it, his sobs +gave place to a sigh of relief. + +"Toddie," said I, "do you love your Uncle Harry?" + +"Esh, I DO love you." + +"Then tell me how that ridiculous song comforts you." + +"Makes me feel good, an' all nicey," replied Toddie. + +"Wouldn't you feel just as good if I sang, 'Plunged in a gulf of +dark despair'?" + +"No, don't like dokdishpairs; if a dokdishpair done anyfing to me, +I'd knock it right down dead." + +With this extremely lucid remark, our conversation on this +particular subject ended; but I wondered, during a few uneasy +moments, whether the temporary mental aberration which had once +afflicted Helen's grandfather and mine was not reappearing in +this, his youngest descendant. My wondering was cut short by +Budge, who remarked, in a confident tone:-- + +"Now, Uncle Harry, we'll have the whistles, I guess." + +I acted upon the suggestion, and led the way to the woods. I had +not had occasion to seek a hickory sapling before for years; not +since the war, in fact, when I learned how hot a fire small +hickory sticks would make. I had not sought wood for whistles +since--gracious, nearly a quarter of a century ago! The dissimilar +associations called up by these recollections threatened to put me +in a frame of mind which might have resulted in a bad poem, had +not my nephews kept up a lively succession of questions such as no +one but children can ask. The whistles completed, I was marched, +with music, to the place where the "Jacks" grew. It was just such +a place as boys instinctively delight in--low, damp, and boggy, +with a brook hiding treacherously away under overhanging ferns and +grasses. The children knew by sight the plant which bore the +"Jacks," and every discovery was announced by a piercing shriek of +delight. At first I looked hurriedly toward the brook as each yell +clove the air; but, as I became accustomed to it, my attention was +diverted by some exquisite ferns. Suddenly, however, a succession +of shrieks announced that something was wrong, and across a large +fern I saw a small face in a great deal of agony. Budge was +hurrying to the relief of his brother, and was soon as deeply +imbedded as Toddie was in the rich black mud, at the bottom of the +brook. I dashed to the rescue, stood astride the brook, and +offered a hand to each boy, when a treacherous tuft of grass gave +way, and, with a glorious splash, I went in myself. This accident +turned Toddie's sorrow to laughter, but I can't say I made light +of my misfortune on that account. To fall into CLEAN water is not +pleasant, even when one is trout-fishing; but to be clad in white +pants, and suddenly drop nearly knee-deep in the lap of mother +Earth is quite a different thing. I hastily picked up the +children, and threw them upon the bank, and then wrathfully strode +out myself, and tried to shake myself as I have seen a +Newfoundland dog do. The shake was not a success--it caused my +trouser-leg to flap dismally about my ankles, and sent the streams +of loathsome ooze trickling down into my shoes. My hat, of drab +felt, had fallen off by the brookside, and been plentifully +spattered as I got out. I looked at my youngest nephew with +speechless indignation. + +"Uncle Harry," said Budge, "'twas real good of the Lord to let you +be with us, else Toddie might have been drownded." + +"Yes," said I, "and I shouldn't have much--" + +"Ocken Hawwy," cried Toddie, running impetuously toward me, +pulling me down, and patting my cheek with his muddy black hand, +"I LOVES you for takin' me out de water." + +"I accept your apology," said I, "but let's hurry home." There was +but one residence to pass, and that, thank fortune, was so densely +screened by shrubbery that the inmates could not see the road. To +be sure, we were on a favorite driving road, but we could reach +home in five minutes, and we might dodge into the woods if we +heard a carriage coming. Ha! There came a carriage already, and +we--was there ever a sorrier-looking group? There were ladies in +the carriage, too--could it be--of course it was--did the evil +spirit, which guided those children always, send an attendant for +Miss Mayton before he began operations? There she was, anyway-- +cool, neat, dainty, trying to look collected, but severely flushed +by the attempt. It was of no use to drop my eyes, for she had +already recognized me; so I turned to her a face which I think +must have been just the one--unless more defiant--that I carried +into two or three cavalry charges. + +"You seem to have been having a real good time together," said +she, with a conventional smile, as the carriage passed. "Remember, +you're all going to call on me tomorrow afternoon." + +Bless the girl! Her heart was as quick as her eyes--almost any +other young lady would have devoted her entire energy to laughing +on such an occasion, but SHE took her earliest opportunity to make +me feel at ease. Such a royal hearted woman deserves to--I caught +myself just here, with my cheeks growing quite hot under the mud +Toddie had put on them, and I led our retreat with a more stylish +carriage than my appearance could possibly have warranted, and +then I consigned my nephews to the maid with very much the air of +an officer turning over a large number of prisoners he had +captured. I hastily changed my soiled clothing for my best--not +that I expected to see any one, but because of a sudden increase +in the degree of respect I felt toward myself. When the children +were put to bed, and I had no one but my thoughts for companions, +I spent a delightful hour or two in imagining as possible some +changes of which I had never dared to think before. + +On Monday morning I was in the garden at sunrise. Toddie was to +carry his expiatory bouquet to Miss Mayton that day, and I +proposed that no pains should be spared to make his atonement as +handsome as possible. I canvassed carefully every border, bed, and +detached flowering plant until I had as accurate an idea of their +possibilities as if I had inventoried the flowers in pen and ink. +This done, I consulted the servant as to the unsoiled clothing of +my nephews. She laid out their entire wardrobe for my inspection, +and after a rigid examination of everything I selected the suits +which the boys were to wear in the afternoon. Then I told the girl +that the boys were going with me after dinner to call on some +ladies, and that I desired that she should wash and dress them +carefully. + +"Tell me just what time you'll start, sir, and I'll begin an hour +beforehand," said she. "That's the only way to be sure that they +don't disgrace you." + +For breakfast we had, among other things, some stewed oysters +served in soup-plates. + +"O Todd," shrieked Budge, "there's the turtle-plates again--oh, +AIN'T I glad!" + +"Oo--ee--turtle pyates," squealed Toddie. + +"What on earth do you mean, boys?" I demanded. + +"I'll show you," said Budge, jumping down from his chair and +bringing his plate of oysters cautiously toward me. "Now you just +put your head down underneath my plate, and look up, and you'll +see a turtle." + +For a moment I forgot that I was not at a restaurant, and I took +the plate, held it up, and examined its bottom. + +"There!" said Budge, pointing to the trademark, in colors, of the +makers of the crockery, "don't you see the turtle?" + +I abruptly ordered Budge to his seat, unmoved even by Toddie's +remark, that-- + +"Dey ish turtles, but dey can't knawl awound like udder turtles." + +After breakfast I devoted a great deal of fussy attention to +myself. Never did my own wardrobe seem so meager and ill-- +assorted; never did I cut myself so many times while shaving; +never did I use such unsatisfactory shoe-polish. I finally gave up +in despair my effort to appear genteel, and devoted myself to the +bouquet. I cut almost flowers enough to dress a church, and then +remorselessly excluded every one which was in the least particular +imperfect. In making the bouquet I enjoyed the benefit of my +nephews' assistance and counsel and took enforced part in +conversation which flowers suggested. + +"Ocken Hawwy," said Toddie, "ish heaven all like this, wif pretty +f'owers? Cos I don't see what ze angels ever turns out for if +'tis." + +"Uncle Harry," said Budge, "when the leaves all go up and down and +wriggle around so, are they talking to the wind?" + +"I--I guess so, old fellow." + +"Who are you making that bouquet for, Uncle Harry?" asked Budge. + +"For a lady--for Miss Mayton--that lady that saw us all muddy +yesterday afternoon," said I. + +"Oh, I like her," said Budge. "She looks so nice and pretty--just +like a cake--just as if she was good to eat--Oh, I just love her, +don't YOU?" + +"Well, I respect her very highly, Budge." + +"'Spect? What does 'spect mean?" + +"Why, it means that I think she's a lady--a real pleasant lady- +just the nicest sort of lady in the world--the sort of person I'd +like to see every day, and like to see her better than any one +else." + +"Oh, why, 'spect an' love means just the same thing, don't they, +Uncle Har--" + +"Budge," I exclaimed, somewhat hastily "run ask Maggie for a piece +of string--quick!" + +"All right," said Budge, moving off, "but they DO, don't they?" + +At two o'clock I instructed Maggie to dress my nephews, and at +three we started to make our call. To carry Toddie's bouquet, and +hold a hand of each boy so as to keep them from darting into the +hedges for grasshoppers, and the gutters for butterflies, was no +easy work, but I managed to do it. As we approached Mrs. +Clarkson's boarding-house I felt my hat was over one ear, and my +cravat awry, but there was no opportunity to rearrange them, for I +saw Alice Mayton on the piazza, and felt that she saw me. Handing +the bouquet to Toddie, and promising him three sticks of candy if +he would be careful and not drop it, we entered the garden. The +moment we were inside the hedge and Toddie saw a man going over +the lawn with a lawn-mower, he shrieked: "Oh, deresh a cutter- +grass!" and dropped the bouquet with the carelessness born of +perfect ecstasy. I snatched it before it reached the ground, +dragged the offending youth up the walk, saluted Miss Mayton, and +told Toddie to give the bouquet to the lady. This he succeeded in +doing, but as Miss Mayton thanked him and stooped to kiss him he +wriggled off the piazza like a little eel, shouted, "Tum on!" to +his brother, and a moment later my nephews were following the +"cutter-grass" at a respectful distance in the rear. + +"Those are my sister's best children in the world, Miss Mayton," +said I. + +"Bless the little darlings!" replied the lady; "I DO love to see +children enjoying themselves." + +"So do I," said I, "when I'm not responsible for their well-being; +but if the effort I've expended on those boys had been directed +toward the interests of my employers, those worthy gentlemen would +consider me invaluable." + +Miss Mayton made some witty reply, and we settled to a pleasant +chat about mutual acquaintances, about books, pictures, music, and +the gossip of our set. I would cheerfully have discussed Herbert +Spencer's system, the Assyrian Tablets, or any other dry subject +with Miss Mayton, and felt that I was richly repaid by the +pleasure of seeing her. Handsome, intelligent, composed, +tastefully dressed, without a suspicion of the flirt or the +languid woman of fashion about her, she awakened to the uttermost +every admiring sentiment and every manly feeling. But, alas, my +enjoyment was probably more than I deserved, so it was cut short. +There were other ladies boarding at Mrs. Clarkson's, and as Miss +Mayton truthfully observed at our first meeting, men were very +scarce at Hillcrest. So the ladies, by the merest accident, of +course, happened upon the piazza, and each one was presented to +me, and common civility made it impossible for me to speak to Miss +Mayton more than once in ten minutes. At any other time and place +I should have found the meeting of so many ladies a delightful +experience, but now-- + +Suddenly a compound shriek arose from the lawn, and all the ladies +sprang to their feet. I followed their example, setting my teeth +firmly and viciously, hoping that whichever nephew had been hurt +was BADLY hurt. We saw Toddie running towards us with one hand in +his mouth, while Budge ran beside him, exclaiming:-- + +"POOR little Toddie! Don't cry! DOES it hurt you awful? Never +mind--Uncle Harry'll comfort you. Don't cry, Toddie DE-ar!" + +Both boys reached the piazza steps, and clambered up, Budge +exclaiming:-- + +"O, Uncle Harry, Toddie put his fingers in the little wheels of +the cutter-grass, an' it turned just the least little biddie, an' +it hurted him." + +But Toddie ran up to me, clasped my legs, and sobbed. + +"Sing 'Toddie one boy day.'" + +My blood seemed to freeze. I could have choked that dreadful +child, suffering though he was. I stooped over him, caressed him, +promised him candy, took out my watch and gave it to him to play +with, but he returned to his original demand. A lady--the +homeliest in the party--suggested that she should bind up his +hand, and I inwardly blessed her, but he reiterated his request +for "Toddie one boy day," and sobbed pitifully. + +"What DOES he mean?" asked Miss Mayton. + +"He wants Uncle Harry to sing, 'Charley boy one day,'" explained +Budge; "he always wants that song when he's hurt any way." + +"Oh, do sing it to him, Mr. Burton," pleaded Miss Mayton; and all +the other ladies exclaimed, "Oh, do!" + +I wrathfully picked him up in my arms, and hummed the air of the +detested song. + +"Sit in a wockin'-chair," sobbed Toddie. + +I obeyed; and then my tormentor remarked:-- + +"You don't sing the wydes (words),--I wants the wydes." + +I sang the words as softly as possible with my lips close to his +ear, but he roared:-- + +"Sing louder." + +"I don't know any more of it, Toddie," I exclaimed in desperation. + +"Oh, I'll tell it all to you, Uncle Harry," said Budge. And there, +before that audience, and HER, I was obliged to sing that dreadful +doggerel, line for line, as Budge repeated it. My teeth were set +tight, my brow grew clammy, and I gazed upon Toddie with terrible +thoughts in my mind. No one laughed--I grew so desperate that a +titter would have given relief. At last I heard some one whisper:-- + +"SEE how he loves him! Poor man!--he's in perfect agony over the +little fellow." + +Had not the song reached its natural end just then, I believe I +should have tossed my wounded nephew over the piazza rail. As it +was, I set him upon his feet, announced the necessity of our +departure, and began to take leave, when Miss Mayton's mother +insisted that we should stay to dinner. + +"For myself, I should be delighted, Mrs. Mayton," said I; "but my +nephews have hardly learned company manners yet. I'm afraid my +sister wouldn't forgive me if she heard I had taken them out to +dinner." + +"Oh, I'll take care of the little dears," said Miss Mayton; +"they'll be good with ME, I KNOW." + +"I couldn't be so unkind as to let you try it, Miss Mayton," I +replied. But she insisted, and the pleasure of submitting to her +will was so great that I would have risked even greater mischief. +So Miss Mayton sat down to dinner with Budge upon one side and +Toddie on the other, while I was fortunately placed opposite, from +which position I could indulge in warning winks and frowns. The +soup was served. I signaled the boys to tuck their napkins under +their chins, and then turned to speak to the lady on my right. She +politely inclined her head toward me, but her thoughts seemed +elsewhere; following her eyes, I beheld my youngest nephew with +his plate upraised in both hands, his head on the table-cloth, and +his eyes turned painfully upward. I dared not speak, for fear he +would drop the plate. Suddenly he withdrew his head, put on an +angelic smile, tilted his plate so part of its contents sought +refuge in the fold of Miss Mayton's dainty, snowy dress, while the +offender screamed:-- + +"Oo--ee--!--zha turtle on my pyate!--Budgie, zha turtle on my +pyate!" + +Budge was about to raise the plate when he caught my eye and +desisted. Poor Miss Mayton actually looked discomposed for the +first time in her life, so far as I knew or could imagine. She +recovered quickly, however, and treated that wretched boy with the +most Christian forbearance and consideration during the remainder +of the meal. When the dessert was finished she quickly excused +herself, while I removed Toddie to a secluded corner of the +piazza, and favored him with a lecture which caused him to howl +pitifully, and compelled me to caress him and undo all the good +which my rebukes had done. Then he and Budge removed themselves to +the lawn, while I awaited Miss Mayton's reappearance, to offer an +apology for Toddie, and to make our adieus. It was the custom of +the ladies at Mrs. Clarkson's to stroll about the lovely rural +walks after dinner and until twilight; and on this particular +evening they departed in twos and threes, leaving me to make my +apology without witnesses. I was rather sorry they went; it was +not pleasant to feel that I was principally responsible for my +nephews' blunder, and to have no opportunity to allay my +conscience-pangs by conversation. It seemed to me Miss Mayton was +forever in appearing; I even called up my nephews to have some one +to talk to. + +Suddenly she appeared, and in an instant I fervently blessed +Toddie and the soup which the child had sent upon its aimless +wanderings. I would rather pay the price of a fine dress than try +to describe Miss Mayton's attire; I can only say that in style, +color and ornament it became her perfectly, and set off the +beauties of a face which I had never before thought was more than +pleasing and intelligent. Perhaps the anger which was excusable +after Toddie's graceless caper had something to do with putting +unusual color into her cheeks, and a brighter sparkle than usual +in her eyes. Whatever was the cause, she looked queenly, and I +half imagined that I detected in her face a gleam of satisfaction +at the involuntary start which her unexpected appearance caused me +to make. She accepted my apology for Toddie with queenly +graciousness, and then, instead of proposing that we should follow +the other ladies, as a moment before I had hoped she would, she +dropped into a chair. I accepted the invitation; the children +should have been in bed half an hour before, but my sense of +responsibility had departed when Miss Mayton appeared. The little +scamps were safe until they should perform some new and unexpected +act of impishness. They retired to one end of the piazza, and +busied themselves in experiments upon a large Newfoundland dog, +while I, the happiest man alive, talked to the glorious woman +before me, and enjoyed the spectacle of her radiant beauty. The +twilight came and deepened, but imagination prevented the vision +from fading. With the coming of the darkness and the starlight, +our voices unconsciously dropped to lower tones, and HER voice +seemed purest music. And yet we said nothing which all the world +might not have listened to without suspecting a secret. The ladies +returned in little groups, but either out of womanly intuition or +in answer to my unspoken but fervent prayers, passed us and went +into the house. I was affected by an odd mixture of desperate +courage and despicable cowardice. I determined to tell her all, +yet I shrank from the task with more terror than ever befell me in +the first steps of a charge. + +Suddenly a small shadow came from behind us and stood between us, +and the voice of Budge remarked:-- + +"Uncle Harry 'spects you, Miss Mayton." + +"Suspects me?--of what, pray?" exclaimed the lady, patting my +nephew's cheek. + +"Budge!" said I--I feel that my voice rose nearly to a scream-- +"Budge, I must beg of you to respect the sanctity of confidential +communications." + +"What is it, Budge?" persisted Miss Mayton; "you know the old +adage, Mr. Burton: 'Children and fools speak the truth.' Of what +does he suspect me, Budge?" + +"'Tain't SUS-pect at all," said Budge, "it's es-pect." + +"Expect?" echoed Miss Mayton. + +"No, not 'ex,' it's ES-spect. I know all about it, 'cause I asked +him. Espect is what folks do when they think you're nice, and like +to talk to you, and--" + +"Respect is what the boy is trying to say, Miss Mayton," I +interrupted, to prevent what I feared might follow. "Budge has a +terrifying faculty for asking questions, and the result of some of +them, this morning, was my endeavor to explain to him the nature +of the respect in which gentlemen hold ladies." + +"Yes," continued Budge, "I know all about it. Only Uncle Harry +don't say it right. What he calls espect _I_ calls LOVE." + +There was an awkward pause--it seemed an age. Another blunder, and +all on account of those dreadful children. I could think of no +possible way to turn the conversation; stranger yet, Miss Mayton +could not do so either. Something MUST be done--I could at least +be honest, come what would--I would be honest. + +"Miss Mayton," said I, hastily, earnestly, but in a very low tone, +"Budge is a marplot, but he is a truthful interpreter for all +that. But whatever my fate may be, please do not suspect me of +falling suddenly into love for a holiday's diversion. My malady is +of some months' standing. I--" + +"I want to talk SOME," observed Budge. "You talk all the whole +time. I--I--when _I_ loves anybody I kisses them." + +Miss Mayton gave a little start, and my thoughts followed each +other with unimagined rapidity. SHE did not turn the conversation +--it could not be possible that she COULD not. She was not angry, +or she would have expressed herself. Could it be that-- + +I bent over her and acted upon Budge's suggestion. As she +displayed no resentment, I pressed my lips a second time to her +forehead, then she raised her head slightly, and I saw, in spite +of darkness and shadows, that Alice Mayton had surrendered at +discretion. Taking her hand and straightening myself to my full +height, I offered to the Lord mere fervent thanks than he ever +heard from me in church. Then I heard Budge say, "_I_ wants to +kiss you, too," and I saw my glorious Alice snatch the little +scamp into her arms, and treat him with more affection than I ever +imagined was in her nature. Then she seized Toddie, and gave him a +few tokens of forgiveness--I dare not think they were of +gratitude. + +Suddenly two or three ladies came upon the piazza. + +"Come, boys," said I. "Then I'll call with the carriage tomorrow +at three, Miss Mayton. Good evening." + +"Good evening," replied the sweetest voice in the world; "I'll be +ready at three." + +"Budge," said I, as soon as we were fairly outside the hedge-gate, +"what do you like better than anything else in the world?" + +"Candy," said Budge, very promptly. + +"What next?" + +"Oranges." + +"What next?" + +"Oh, figs, an' raisins, an' dear little kittie-kitties, an' drums, +an' picture-books, an' little bakin' dishes to make mud-pies in, +an' turtles, an' little wheelbarrows." + +"Anything else?" + +"Oh, yes--great big black dogs--an' a goat, an' a wagon for him to +draw me in." + +"Very well, old fellow--you shall have every one of those things +tomorrow." + +"Oh--h--h--h--h!" exclaimed Budge, "I guess you're something like +the Lord, ain't you?" + +"What makes you think so, Budge?" + +"Oh, 'cause you can do such lots of things at once. But ain't poor +little Tod goin' to have noffin'?" + +"Yes, everything he wants. What would you like, Toddie?" + +"Wants a candy cigar," replied Toddie. + +"What else?" + +"Don't want NUFFIN' else--don't want to be boddered wif LOTS of +fings." + +The thoughts which were mine that night--the sense of how +glorious a thing it is to be a man and be loved--the humility that +comes with such a victory as I had gained--the rapid alternation +of happy thoughts and noble resolutions--what man is there who +does not know my whole story better than I can tell it? I put my +nephews to bed; I told them every story they asked for; and when +Budge, in saying his prayers, said "an' bless that nice lady that +Uncle Harry 'spects," I interrupted his devotions with a hearty +hug. The children had been awake so far beyond their usual hour +for retiring that they dropped asleep without giving any special +notice of their intention to do so. Asleep, their faces were +simply angelic. As I stood, candle in hand, gazing gratefully upon +them, I remembered a sadly neglected duty. I hurried to the +library and wrote the following to my sister: + +"HILLCREST, Monday Night. + +"DEAR HELEN:--I should have written you before had I been exactly +certain what to say about your boys. I confess that until now I +have been blind to some of their virtues, and have imagined I +detected an occasional fault. But the scales have fallen from my +eyes, and I see clearly that my nephews are angels--positively +angels. If I seem to speak extravagantly, I beg to refer you to +Alice Mayton for collateral evidence. Don't come home at all-- +everything is just as it should be--even if you come, I guess I'll +invite myself to spend the rest of the summer with you; I've +changed my mind about its being a bore to live out of town and +take trains back and forth every day. Ask Tom to think over such +bits of real estate in your neighborhood as he imagines I might +like. + +"I repeat it, the boys are angels, and Alice Mayton is another, +while the happiest man in the white goods trade is + +"Your affectionate brother + +"HARRY." + +Early next morning I sought the society of my nephews. It was +absolutely necessary that I should overflow to SOME one--some one +who was sympathetic and innocent and pure. I longed for my sister +--my mother, but to SOME one I must talk at once. Budge fulfilled +my requirements exactly; he was an excellent listener, very +sympathetic by nature, and quick to respond. Not the wisdom of the +most reverend sage alive could have been so grateful to my ear as +that child's prattle was on that delightful morning. As for +Toddie--blessed be the law of compensation! his faculty of +repetition, and of echoing whatever he heard said, caused him to +murmur "Miff Mayton, Miff Mayton," all morning long, and the sound +gained in sweetness by its ceaseless iteration. To be sure, Budge +took early and frequent occasions to remind me of my promises of +the night before, and Toddie occasionally demanded the promised +candy cigar; but these very interruptions only added joy to my own +topic of interest each time it was resumed. The filling of Budge's +orders occupied two or three hours and all the vacant space in the +carriage; even then the goat and goat-carriage were compelled to +follow behind. + +The program for the afternoon was arranged to the satisfaction of +every one. I gave the coachman, Mike, a dollar to harness the goat +and teach the children to drive him; this left me free to drive +off without being followed by two small figures and two pitiful +howls. + +I always believed a horse was infected by the spirit of his +driver. My dear old four-footed military companions always seemed +to perfectly comprehend my desires and intentions, and certainly +my brother-in-law's horses entered into my own spirits on this +particular afternoon. They stepped proudly, they arched their +powerful necks handsomely, their feet seemed barely to touch the +ground; yet they did not grow restive under the bit, nor were they +frightened even at a hideous steam road-rolling machine which +passed us. As I drove up to Mrs. Clarkson's door I found that most +of the boarders were on the piazza--the memories of ladies are +usually good at times. Alice immediately appeared, composed of +course, but more radiant than ever. + +"Why, where are the boys?" she exclaimed. + +"I was afraid they might annoy your mother," I replied, "so I left +them behind." + +"Oh, mother hardly feels well enough to go today," said she; "she +is lying down." + +"Then we can pick up the boys on the road," said I, for which +remark, my enchantress, already descending the steps, gave me a +look which the ladies behind her would have given their best +switches to have seen. + +We drove off as decorously as if it were Sunday and we were +driving to church; we industriously pointed out to each other +every handsome garden and tasteful residence we passed; we met +other people driving, and conversed fluently upon their horses, +carriages and dress. But when we reached the edge of the town, and +I turned into "Happy Valley," a road following the depressions and +curves of a long, well-wooded valley, in which there was not a +single straight line, I turned and looked into my darling's face. +Her eyes met mine, and, although they were full of a happiness +which I had never seen in them before, they filled with tears, and +their dear owner dropped her head on my shoulder. What we said on +that long drive would not interest the reader. I have learned by +experience to skip all love talks in novels; no matter how +delightful the lovers may be. Recalling now our conversation, it +does not seem to me to have had anything wonderful it in. I will +only say that if I had been happy on the evening before, my +happiness now seemed to be sanctified; to be favored with the love +and confidence of a simple girl scarcely past her childhood is to +receive a greater honor than court or field can bestow; but even +this honor is far surpassed by that which comes to a man when a +woman of rare intelligence, tact and knowledge of society and the +world, unburdens her heart of all its hopes and fears, and +unhesitatingly leaves her destiny to be shaped by his love. Women +like Alice Mayton do not thus give themselves unreservedly away +except when their trust is born of knowledge as well as affection, +and the realization of all this changed me on that afternoon from +whatever I had been into what I had long hoped I might one day be. + +But the hours flew rapidly, and I reluctantly turned the horses' +heads homeward. We had left almost the whole of "Happy Valley" +behind us, and were approaching residences again. + +"Now we must be very proper," said Alice. + +"Certainly," I replied, "here's a good--by to happy nonsense for +this afternoon." + +I leaned toward her, and gently placed one arm about her neck; she +raised her dear face, from which joy and trust had banished every +indication of caution and reserve, my lips sought hers, when +suddenly we heard a most unearthly, discordant shriek, which +presently separated into two, each of which prolonged itself +indefinitely. The horses started, and Alice--blessed be all +frights, now, henceforth, and forevermore!--clung tightly to me. +The sounds seemed to be approaching us, and were accompanied by a +lively rattling noise, that seemed to be made by something wooden. +Suddenly, as we approached a bend of the road, I saw my youngest +nephew appear from some unknown space, describe a parabolic curve +in the air, ricochet slightly from an earthy protuberance in the +road, and make a final stop in the gutter. At the same time there +appeared, from behind the bend, the goat, then the carriage +dragging on one side, and lastly, the boy Budge, grasping tightly +the back of the carriage body, and howling frightfully. A direct +collision between the carriage and a stone caused Budge to loose +his hold, while the goat, after taking in the scene, trotted +leisurely off, and disappeared in a road leading to the house of +his late owner. + +"Budge," I shouted, "stop that bawling, and come here. Where's +Mike?" + +"He--boo--hoo--went to--hoo--light his--boo--hoo--hoo--pipe, an' I +just let the--boo--hoo--whip go against to the goat, an' then he +scattooed." + +"Nashty old goat scaddooed," said Toddie, in corroboration. + +"Well, walk right home, and tell Maggie to wash and dress you," +said I. + +"O Harry," pleaded Alice, "after they've been in such danger! Come +here to your own Aunt Alice, Budgie dear,--and you, too, Toddie,-- +you know you said we could pick the boys up on the road, Harry. +There, there--don't cry--let me wipe the ugly old dirt off you, +and kiss the face, and make it well." + +"Alice," I protested, "don't let those dirty boys clamber all over +you in that way." + +"Silence, sir," said she, with mock dignity; "who gave me my +lover, I should like to ask?" + +So we drove up to the boarding-house with the air of people who +had been devoting themselves to a couple of very disreputable +children, and I drove swiftly away again, lest the children should +dispel the illusion. We soon met Mike, running. The moment he +recognized us, he shouted:-- + +"Aye, ye little dhivils,--beggin' yer pardon, Masther Harry, an' +thankin' the Howly Mither that their good-for-nothin' little bones +ain't broke to bits. Av they saw a hippypottymus hitched to +Pharaoh's chariot, they'd think 'emselves jist the byes to take +the bossin' av it, the spalpeens." + +But no number of ordinary hippopotami and chariots could have +disturbed the heavenly tranquillity of my mind on this most +glorious of evenings. Even a subtle sense of the fitness of things +seemed to overshadow my nephews. Perhaps the touch of my +enchantress did it; perhaps it came only from the natural relapse +from great excitement; but no matter what the reason was, the fact +remains that for the rest of the evening two very dirty suits of +clothes held two children who gave one some idea of how the +denizens of Paradise might seem and act. They even ate their +suppers without indulging in any of the repulsive ways of which +they had so large an assortment, and they did not surreptitiously +remove from the table any fragments of bread and butter to leave +on the piano, in the card-basket, and other places inappropriate +to the reception of such varieties of abandoned property. They +demanded a song after supper, but when I sang, "Drink to Me only +with Thine Eyes," and "Thou, Thou, Reign'st in this Bosom," they +stood by with silent tongues and appreciative eyes. When they went +to bed, I accompanied them by special invitation, but they showed +no disposition to engage in the usual bedtime frolic and miniature +pandemonium. Budge, when in bed, closed his eyes, folded his hand +and prayed:-- + +"Dear Lord, bless papa an' mamma, an' Toddie, an' Uncle Harry, an' +everybody else; yes, an' bless just lots that lovely, lovely lady +that comforted me after the goat was bad to me, an' let her +comfort me lots of times, for Christ's sake, Amen." + +And Toddie wriggled, twisted, breathed heavily, threw his head +back, and prayed: + +"Dee Lord, don't let dat old goat fro me into de gutter on my head +aden, an' let Ocken Hawwy an' ze pitty lady be dere netst time I +dest hurted." + +Then the good-night salutations were exchanged, and I left the +little darlings and enjoyed communion with my own thoughts which +were as peaceful and ecstatic as if the world contained no white +goods houses, no doubtful customers, no business competition, no +politics, gold rooms, stock-boards, doubtful banks, political +scandals, personal iniquity, nor anything which should prevent a +short vacation from lasting through a long lifetime. + +The next morning would have struck terror to the heart of any one +but a newly accepted lover. Rain was falling fast, and in that +steady, industrious manner which seemed to assert an intention to +stick closely to business for the whole day. The sky was covered +by one impenetrable leaden cloud, water stood in pools in the +streets which were soft with dust a few hours before; the flowers +all hung their heads like vagabonds who had been awake all night +and were ashamed to face the daylight. Even the chickens stood +about in dejected attitudes, and stray roosters from other +poultry-yards found refuge in Tom's coop without first being +subjected to a trial of strength and skill by Tom's game-cock. + +But no man in my condition of mind could be easily depressed by +bad weather. I would rather have been able to drive about under a +clear sky, or lounge under the trees, or walk to the post-office +in the afternoon by the road which passed directly in front of +Mrs. Clarkson's boarding-house; but man should not live for +himself alone. In the room next mine were slumbering two wee +people to whom I owed a great deal, who would mourn bitterly when +they saw the condition of the skies and ground--I would devote +myself to the task of making THEM so happy that they would forget +the absence of sunshine out of doors--I would sit by their bedside +and have a story ready for them the moment they awoke, and put +them in such a good humor that they could laugh, with me, at cloud +and rain. + +I began at once to construct a story for their especial benefit; +the scene was to be a country residence on a rainy day, and the +actors two little boys who should become uproariously jolly in +spite of the weather. Like most people not used to story-making, +my progress was not very rapid; in fact, I had got no farther than +the plot indicated above when an angry snarl came from the +children's room. + +"What's the matter, Budge?" I shouted, dressing myself as rapidly +as possible. + +"Ow--oo--ya--ng--um--boc--gaa," was the somewhat complicated +response. + +"What did you say, Budge?" + +"Didn't say noffin'." + +"Oh--that's what I thought." + +"DIDN'T thought." + +"Budge,--Budge,--be good." + +"Don't WANT to be good--YA--A--A." + +"Let's have some fun, Budge--don't you want to frolic?" + +"No; I don't think frolic is nice." + +"Don't you want some candy, Budge?" + +"No--you ain't GOT no candy, I bleeve." + +"Well, you sha'n't have any if you don't stop being so cross." + +The only reply to this was a mighty and audible rustling of the +bedding in the boys' room, followed by a sound strongly resembling +that caused by a slap; then came a prolonged wail, resembling that +of an ungreased wagon-wheel. + +"What's the matter, Toddie?" + +"Budge s'apped me--ah--h--h--h!" + +"What made you slap your brother, Budge?" + +"I DIDN'T." + +"You DID," screamed Toddie. + +"I tell you I didn't--you're a naughty, bad boy to tell such lies, +Toddie." + +"What DID you do, Budge?" I asked. + +"Why--why--I was--I was turnin' over in bed, an' my hand was out, +and it tumbled against to Toddie--that's what." + +By this time I was dressed and in the boy's room. Both my nephews +were sitting up in bed, Budge looking as sullen as an old jail- +bird, and Toddie with tears streaming all over his face. + +"Boys," said I, "don't be angry with each other--it isn't right. +What do you suppose the Lord thinks when he sees you so cross to +each other?" + +"He don't think noffin'," said Budge; "you don't think he can look +through a black sky like that, do you?" + +"He can look anywhere, Budge, and he feels very unhappy when he +sees little brothers angry with each other." + +"Well, I feel unhappy, too--I wish there wasn't never no old rain, +nor nothin'." + +"Then what would the plants and flowers do for a drink, and where +would the rivers come from for you to go sailing on?" + +"An' wawtoo to mate mud-pies," added Toddie. "You's a naughty boy, +Buggie;" and here Toddie's tears began to flow afresh. + +"I AIN'T a bad boy, an' I don't want no old rain nohow, an' that's +all about it. An' I don't want to get up, an' Maggie must bring me +up my breakfast in bed." + +"Boo--hoo--oo," wept Toddie, "wants my brepspup in bed too." + +"Boys," said I, "now listen. You can't have any breakfast at all +unless you are up and dressed by the time the bell rings. The +rising bell rang some time ago. Now dress like good boys, and you +shall have some breakfast, and then you'll feel a great deal +nicer, and then Uncle Harry will play with you and tell you +stories all day long." + +Budge crept reluctantly out of bed and caught up one of his +stockings, while Toddie again began to cry. + +"Toddie," I shouted, "stop that dreadful racket, and dress +yourself. What are you crying for?" + +"Well, I feelsh bad." + +"Well, dress yourself, and you'll feel better." + +"Wantsh YOU to djesh me." + +"Bring me your clothes, then--quick!" + +Again the tears flowed copiously. "Don't WANT to bring 'em," said +Toddie. + +"Then come here!" I shouted, dragging him across the room, and +snatching up his tiny articles of apparel. I had dressed no small +children since I was rather a small boy myself, and Toddie's +clothing confused me somewhat. I finally got something on him, +when a contemptuous laugh from Budge interrupted me. + +"How you goin' to put his shirt on under them things?" queried my +oldest nephew. + +"Budge," I retorted, "how are you going to get any breakfast if +you don't put on something besides that stocking?" + +The young man's countenance fell, and just then the breakfast bell +rang. Budge raised a blank face, hurried to the head of the stairs +and shouted:-- + +"Maggie?" + +"What is it, Budge?" + +"Was--was that the rising-bell or the breakfast-bell?" + +"'Twas the breakfast-bell." + +There was dead silence for a moment, and then Budge shouted:-- + +"Well, we'll call that the risin'-bell. You can ring another bell +for breakfast pretty soon when I get dressed." Then this volunteer +adjuster of household affairs came calmly back and commenced +dressing in good earnest, while I labored along with Toddie's +wardrobe. + +"Where's the button-hook, Budge?" said I. + +"It's--I--oh--um--I put it--say, Tod, what did you do with the +button-hook yesterday?" + +"Didn't hazh no button-hook," asserted Toddie. + +"Yes, you did; don't you remember how we was a playin' draw teef, +an' the doctor's dog had the toofache, and I was pullin' his teef +with the button-hook, an' you was my little boy, an' I gived the +toof-puller to you to hold for me? Where did you put it?" + +"I'D no," replied Toddie, putting his hand in his pocket and +bringing out a sickly-looking toad. + +"Feel again," said I, throwing the toad out the window, where it +was followed by an agonizing shriek from Toddie. Again he felt, +and his search was rewarded by the tension screw of Helen's +sewing-machine. Then I attempted some research myself, and +speedily found my fingers adhering to something of a sticky +consistency. I quickly withdrew my hand, exclaiming:-- + +"What nasty stuff HAVE you got in your pocket, Toddie?" + +"'Taint nashty' tuff--it's byead an' 'lasses, an' its nice, an' +Budge an' me hazh little tea-parties in de kicken-coop, an' we +eats it, an' it's DOVELY." + +All this was lucid and disgusting, but utterly unproductive of +button-hooks, and meanwhile the breakfast was growing cold. I +succeeded in buttoning Toddie's shoes with my fingers, splitting +most of my nails in the operation. I had been too busily engaged +with Toddie to pay any attention to Budge, who I now found about +half dressed and trying to catch flies on the windowpane. +Snatching Toddie, I started for the dining-room, when Budge +remarked reprovingly:-- + +"Uncle Harry, YOU wasn't dressed when the bell rang, and YOU +oughtn't to have any breakfast." + +True enough--I was minus collar, cravat, and coat. Hurrying these +on, and starting again, I was once more arrested:-- + +"Uncle Harry, must I brush my teeth this morning?" + +"No--hurry up--come down without doing anything more, if you like, +but COME--it'll be dinner-time before we get breakfast." + +Then that imp was moved, for the first time that morning, to +something like good-nature, and he exclaimed with a giggle:-- + +"My! What big stomachs we'd have when we got done, wouldn't we?" + +At the breakfast table Toddie wept again, because I insisted on +beginning operations before Budge came. Then neither boys knew +exactly what he wanted. Then Budge managed to upset the contents +of his plate into his lap, and while I was helping him clear away +the debris, Toddie improved the opportunity to pour his milk upon +his fish, and put several spoonfuls of oatmeal porridge into my +coffee-cup. I made an early excuse to leave the table and turn the +children over to Maggie. I felt as tired as if I had done a hard +day's work, and was somewhat appalled at realizing that the day +had barely begun. I lit a cigar and sat down to Helen's piano. I +am not a musician, but even the chords of a hand-organ would have +seemed sweet music to me on that morning. The music-book nearest +to my hand was a church hymn-book, and the first air my eye struck +was "Greenville." I lived once in a town, where, on a single day, +a pedler disposed of thirty-eight accordeons, each with an +instruction-book in which this same air under its original name +was the ONLY air. For years after, a single bar of this air +awakened the most melancholy reflections in my mind, but now I +forgave all my musical tormentors as the familiar strains came +comfortingly from the piano-keys. But suddenly I heard an +accompaniment--a sort of reedy sound--and, looking around, I saw +Toddie again in tears. I stopped abruptly and asked:-- + +"What's the matter NOW, Toddie?" + +"Don't want dat old tune; wantsh dancin' tune, so I can dance." + +I promptly played "Yankee Doodle," and Toddie began to trot around +the room with the expression of a man who intended to do his whole +duty. Then Budge appeared, hugging a bound volume of "St. +Nicholas." The moment Toddie espied this he stopped dancing and +devoted himself anew to the task of weeping. + +"Toddie," I shouted, springing from the piano-stool, "what do you +mean by crying at everything? I shall have to put you to bed +again, if you're going to be such a baby." + +"That's the way he ALWAYS does, rainy days," explained Budge. + +"Wantsh to see the whay-al what fwollowed Djonah," sobbed Toddie. + +"Can't you demand something that's within the range of +possibility, Toddie?" I mildly asked. + +"The whale Toddie means is in this big red book,--I'll find it for +you," said Budge, turning over the leaves. + +Suddenly a rejoicing squeal from Toddie announced that leviathan +had been found, and I hastened to gaze. He was certainly a +dreadful-looking animal, but he had an enormous mouth, which +Toddie caressed with his pudgy little hand, and kissed with +tenderness, murmuring as he did so:-- + +"DEE old whay-al, I loves you. Is Jonah all goneded out of you +'tomach, whay-al? I finks 'twas weal mean in Djonah to get froed +up when you hadn't noffin' else to eat, POOR old whay-al." + +"Of COURSE Jonah's gone," said Budge, "he went to heaven long ago +--pretty soon after he went to Nineveh an' done what the Lord told +him to do. Now swing us, Uncle Harry." + +The swing was on the piazza under cover from the rain; so I +obeyed. Both boys fought for the right to swing first, and when I +decided in favor of Budge, Toddie went off weeping, and declaring +that he would look at his dear whay-al anyhow. A moment later his +wail changed to a piercing shriek; and running to his assistance, +I saw him holding one finger tenderly and trampling on a wasp. + +"What's the matter, Toddie?" + +"Oo--oo--ee--ee--ee--EE--I putted my finger on a waps, and--oo-- +oo--the nasty waps--oo--bited me. An' I don't like wapses a bit, +but I likes whay-als--oo--ee--ee." + +A happy thought struck me. "Why don't you boys make believe that +big packing-box in your play-room is a whale?" said I. + +A compound shriek of delight followed the suggestion, and both +boys scrambled upstairs, leaving me a free man again. I looked +remorsefully at the tableful of books which I had brought to read, +and had not looked at for a week. Even now my remorse did not move +me to open them--I found myself instead attracted toward Tom's +library, and conning the titles of novels and volumes of poems. My +eye was caught by "Initial,"--a love-story which I had always +avoided because I had heard impressible young ladies rave about +it; but now I picked it up and dropped into an easy chair. +Suddenly I heard Mike the coachman shouting:-- + +"Go away from there, will ye? Ah, ye little spalpeen, it's good +for ye that yer fahder don't see ye perched up dhere. Go way from +dhat, or I'll be tellin' yer uncle." + +"Don't care for nasty old uncle," piped Toddie's voice. + +I laid down my book with a sigh, and went into the garden. Mike +saw me and shouted:-- + +"Misther Burthon, will ye look dhere? Did ye's ever see the loike +av dhat bye?" + +Looking up at the play-room window, a long, narrow sort of loop- +hole in a Gothic gable, I beheld my youngest nephew standing +upright on the sill. + +"Toddie, go in--quick!" I shouted, hurrying under the window to +catch him in case he fell outward. + +"I tan't," squealed Toddie. + +"Mike, run up-stairs and snatch him in; Toddie, go on, I tell +you!" + +"Tell you I TAN'T doe in," repeated Toddie. "ZE bit bots ish ze +whay-al, an' I'ez Djonah, an' ze whay-al's froed me up, an' I'ze +dot to 'tay up here else ze whay-al 'ill fwallow me aden." + +"I won't LET him swallow you. Get in now--hurry," said I. + +"Will you give him a penny not to fwallow me no more?" queried +Toddie. + +"Yes--a whole lot of pennies." + +"Aw wight. Whay-al, don't you fwallow me no more, an' zen my Ocken +Hawwy div you whole lots of pennies. You must be weal dood whay-al +now, an' then I buys you some tandy wif your pennies, an'--" + +Just then two great hands seized Toddie's frock in front, and he +disappeared with a howl, while I, with the first feeling of +faintness I had ever experienced, went in search of hammer, nails, +and some strips of board, to nail on the outside of the window- +frame. But boards could not be found, so I went up to the play- +room and began to knock a piece or two off the box which had done +duty as whale. A pitiful scream from Toddie caused me to stop. + +"You're hurtin' my dee old whay-al; you's brakin' his 'tomach all +open--you's a baddy man--'TOP hurtin' my whay-al, ee--ee--ee," +cried my nephew. + +"I'm not hurting him, Toddie," said I; "I'm making his mouth +bigger, so he can swallow you easier." + +A bright thought came into Toddie's face and shone through his +tears. "Then he can fwallow Budgie too, an' there'l be two +Djonahs--ha--ha--ha! Make his mouf so big he can fwallow Mike, an' +zen mate it 'ittle aden, so Mike tan' det OUT; nashty old Mike!" + +I explained that Mike would not come upstairs again, so I was +permitted to depart after securing the window. + +Again I settled myself with book and cigar; there was at least for +me the extra enjoyment that comes from the sense of pleasure +earned by honest toil. Pretty soon Budge entered the room. I +affected not to notice him, but he was not in the least abashed by +my neglect. + +"Uncle Harry," said he, throwing himself in my lap between my book +and me, "I don't feel a bit nice." + +"What's the matter, old fellow?" I asked. Until he spoke I could +have boxed his ears with great satisfaction to myself; but there +is so much genuine feeling in whatever Budge says that he commands +respect. + +"Oh, I'm tired of playin' with Toddie, an' I feel lonesome. Won't +you tell me a story?" + +"Then what'll poor Toddie do, Budge?" + +"Oh, he won't mind--he's got a dead mouse to be Jonah now, so I +don't have no fun at all. Won't you tell me a story?" + +"Which one?" + +"Tell me one that I never heard before at all." + +"Well, let's see; I guess I'll tell--" + +"Ah--ah--ah--ah--ee--ee--ee," sounded afar off, but fatefully. It +came nearer--it came down the stairway and into the library, +accompanied by Toddie, who, on spying me, dropped his inarticulate +utterance, held up both hands, and exclaimed:-- + +"Djonah bwoke he tay-al!" + +True enough; in one hand Toddie held the body of a mouse, and in +the other that animal's caudal appendage; there was also +perceptible, though not by the sense of sight, an objectionable +odor in the room. + +"Toddie," said I, "go throw Jonah into the chicken-coop, and I'll +give you some candy." + +"Me too," shouted Budge, "cos I found the mouse for him." + +I made both boys happy with candy, exacted a pledge not to go out +in the rain, and then, turning them loose on the piazza, returned +to my book. I had read perhaps half-a-dozen pages when there arose +and swelled rapidly in volume a scream from Toddie. Madly +determined to put both boys into chairs, tie them and clap +adhesive plaster over their mouths, I rushed out upon the piazza. + +"Budgie tried to eat my candy," complained Toddie. + +"I didn't," said Budge. + +"What DID you do?" I demanded. + +"I didn't bite it at all--I only wanted to see how it would feel +between my teeth--that's all." + +I felt the corners of my mouth breaking down, and hurried back to +the library, where I spent a quiet quarter of an hour in pondering +over the demoralizing influence exerted upon principle by a sense +of the ludicrous. For some time afterward the boys got along +without doing anything worse than make a dreadful noise, which +caused me to resolve to find some method of deadening piazza- +floors if _I_ ever owned a house in the country. In the occasional +intervals of comparative quiet I caught snatches of very funny +conversation. The boys had coined a great many words whose meaning +was evident enough but I wonder greatly why Tom and Helen had +never taught them the proper substitutes. + +Among others was the word "deader," whose meaning I could not +imagine. Budge shouted:-- + +"O Tod; there comes a deader. See where all them things like +rooster's tails are a-shakin'?--Well, there's a deader under +them." + +"Dasth funny," remarked Toddie. + +"An' see all the peoples a-comin' along," continued Budge, "THEY +know 'bout the deader, an' they're goin' to see it fixed. Here it +comes. Hello, deader!" + +"Hay-oh, deader," echoed Toddie. + +What COULD deader mean? + +"Oh, here it is right in front of us," cried Budge, "and AIN'T +there lots of people? An' two horses to pull the deader--SOME +deaders has only one." + +My curiosity was too much for my weariness; I went to the front +window, and, peering through, saw--a funeral procession! In a +second I was on the piazza, with my hands on the children's +collars; a second later two small boys were on the floor of the +hall, the front door was closed, and two determined hands covered +two threatening little mouths. + +When the procession had fairly passed the house I released the +boys and heard two prolonged howls for my pains. Then I asked +Budge if he wasn't ashamed to talk that way when a funeral was +passing. + +"'TWASN'T a funeral," said he. "'Twas only a deader, an' deaders +can't hear nothin'." + +"But the people in the carriages could," said I. + +"Well," said he, "they was so glad that the other part of the +deader had gone to heaven that they didn't care WHAT I said. +Ev'rybody's glad when the other parts of deaders go to heaven. +Papa told me to be glad that dear little Phillie was in heaven, +an' I WAS, but I do want to see him again awful." + +"Wantsh to shee Phillie aden awfoo," said Toddie, as I kissed +Budge and hurried off to the library, unfit just then to +administer farther instruction or reproof. Of one thing I was very +certain--I wished the rain would cease falling, so the children +could go out of doors, and I could get a little rest, and freedom +from responsibility. But the skies showed no signs of being +emptied, the boys were snarling on the stairway, and I was losing +my temper quite rapidly. + +Suddenly I bethought me of one of the delights of my own childish +days--the making of scrap-books. One of Tom's library drawers held +a great many Lady's Journals. Of course Helen meant to have them +bound, but I could easily repurchase the numbers for her; they +would cost two or three dollars; but peace was cheap at that +price. On a high shelf in the playroom I had seen some +supplementary volumes of "Mercantile Agency" reports which would +in time reach the rag-bag; there was a bottle of mucilage in the +library-desk, and the children owned an old pair of scissors. +Within five minutes I had located two happy children on the bath- +room floor, taught them to cut out pictures (which operation I +quickly found they understood as well as I did) and to paste them +into the extemporized scrap-book. Then I left them, recalling +something from Newman Hall's address on "The Dignity of Labor." +Why hadn't I thought before of showing my nephews some way of +occupying their mind and hands? Who could blame the helpless +little things for following every prompting of their unguided +minds? Had I not a hundred times been told, when sent to the wood- +pile or the weediest part of the garden in my youthful days, that + + "Satan finds some mischief still + For idle hands to do?" + +"Never again would I blame children for being mischievous when +their minds were neglected. + +I spent a peaceful, pleasant hour over my novel, when I felt that +a fresh cigar would be acceptable. Going up-stairs in search of +one I found that Budge had filled the bathtub with water, and was +sailing boats, that is, hair-brushes. Even this seemed too mild an +offense to call for a rebuke, so I passed on without disturbing +him, and went to my own room. I heard Toddie's voice, and having +heard from my sister that Toddie's conversations with himself were +worth listening to, I paused outside the door. I heard Toddie +softly murmur:-- + +"Zere, pitty yady, 'tay ZERE. Now, 'ittle boy, I put you wif your +mudder, tause mudders likes zere 'ittle boys wif zem. An' you sall +have 'ittle sister tudder side of you,--zere. Now, 'ittle boy's +an' 'ittle girl's mudder, don't you feel happy?--isn't I awfoo +good to give you your 'ittle tsilderns? You ought to say, 'Fank +you, Toddie,--you'se a nice, fweet 'ittle djentleman.'" + +I peered cautiously--then I entered the room hastily. I didn't say +anything for a moment, for it was impossible to do justice, +impromptu, to the subject. Toddie had a progressive mind--if +pictorial ornamentation was good for old books, why should not +similar ornamentation be extended to objects more likely to be +seen? Such may not have been Toddie's line of thought, but his +recent operations warranted such a supposition. He had cut out a +number of pictures, and pasted them upon the wall of my room--my +sister's darling room, with its walls tinted exquisitely in pink. +As a member of a hanging committee, Toddie would hardly have +satisfied taller people, but he had arranged the pictures quite +regularly, at about the height of his own eyes, had favored no one +artist more than another, and had hung indiscriminately figure +pieces, landscapes, and genre pictures. The temporary break of +wall-line, occasioned by the door communicating with his own room, +he had overcome by closing the door and carrying a line of +pictures across its lower panels. Occasionally, a picture fell off +the wall, but the mucilage remained faithful, and glistened with +its fervor of devotion. And yet so untouched was I by this +artistic display, that when I found strength to shout "Toddie!" it +was in a tone which caused this industrious amateur decorator to +start violently, and drop his mucilage-bottle, open end first, +upon the carpet. + +"What will mamma say?" I asked. + +Toddie gazed, first blankly and then inquiringly, into my face; +finding no answer or sympathy there, he burst into tears, and +replied:-- + +"I dunno." + +The ringing of the lunch-bell changed Toddie from a tearful cherub +into a very practical, business-like boy, and shouting "Come on, +Budge!" he hurried down-stairs, while I tormented myself with +wonder as to how I could best and most quickly undo the mischief +Toddie had done. + +I will concede to my nephews the credit of keeping reasonably +quiet during meals; their tongues doubtless longed to be active in +both the principal capacities of those useful members, but they +had no doubt as to how to choose between silence and hunger. The +result was a reasonably comfortable half-hour. Just as I began to +cut a melon, Budge broke the silence by exclaiming:-- + +"O Uncle Harry, we haven't been out to see the goat to-day!" + +"Budge," I replied, "I'll carry you out there under an umbrella +after lunch, and you may play with that goat all the afternoon, if +you like." + +"Oh, won't that be nice?" exclaimed Budge. "The poor goat! he'll +think I don't love him a bit, 'cause I haven't been to see him to- +day. Does goats go to heaven when they die, Uncle Harry?" + +"Guess not--they'd make trouble in the golden streets, I'm +afraid." + +"Oh, dear! then Phillie can't see my goat. I'm so awful sorry," +said Budge. + +"_I_ can see your goat, Budgie," suggested Toddie. + +"Huh!" said Budge, very contemptuously. "YOU ain't dead." + +"Well, Izhe GOIN' to be dead some day 'an zen your nashty old goat +sha'n't see me a bit--see how he like ZAT." And Toddie made a +ferocious attack on a slice of melon nearly as large as himself. + +After lunch Toddie was sent to his room to take his afternoon nap, +and Budge went to the barn on my shoulders. I gave Mike a dollar, +with instructions to keep Budge in sight, to keep him from teasing +the goat, and to prevent his being impaled or butted. Then I +stretched myself on a lounge, and wondered whether only half a day +of daylight had elapsed since I and the most adorable woman in the +world had been so happy together. How much happier I would be when +next I met her! The very torments of this rainy day would make my +joy seem all the dearer and more intense. I dreamed happily for a +few moments with my eyes open, and then somehow they closed, +without my knowledge. What put into my mind the wreck-scene from +the play of "David Copperfield," I don't know; but there it came, +and in my dream I was sitting in the balcony at Booth's, and +taking a proper interest in the scene, when it occurred to me that +the thunder had less of reverberation and more woodenness than +good stage thunder should have. The mental exertion I underwent on +this subject disturbed the course of my nap, but as wakefulness +returned, the sound of the poorly simulated thunder did not cease; +on the contrary, it was just as noisy, and more hopelessly a +counterfeit than ever. What could the sound be? I stepped through +the window to the piazza, and the sound was directly over my head. +I sprang down the terrace and out upon the lawn, looked up, and +beheld my youngest nephew strutting back and forth on the tin roof +of the piazza, holding over his head a ragged old parasol. I +roared-- + +"Go in, Toddie--this instant!" + +The sound of my voice startled the young man so severely that he +lost his footing, fell, and began to roll toward the edge and to +scream, both operations being performed with great rapidity. I ran +to catch him as he fell, but the outer edge of the water-trough +was high enough to arrest his progress, though it had no effect in +reducing the volume of his howls. + +"Toddie," I shouted, "lie perfectly still until uncle can get to +you. Do you hear?" + +"Ess, but don't want to lie 'till," came in reply from the roof. +"'Tan't shee noffin' but sky an' rain." + +"Lie still," I reiterated, "or I'll whip you dreadfully." Then I +dashed up-stairs, removed my shoes, climbed out and rescued +Toddie, shook him soundly, and then shook myself. + +"I wazh only djust pyayin' mamma, an' walkin' in ze yain wif an +umbayalla," Toddie explained. + +I threw him upon his bed and departed. It was plain that neither +logic, threats, nor the presence of danger could keep this +dreadful child from doing whatever he chose; what other means of +restraint could be employed? Although not as religious a man as my +good mother could wish, I really wondered whether prayer, as a +last resort, might not be effective. For his good, and my own +peace, I would cheerfully have read through the whole prayer-book. +I could hardly have done it just then, though, for Mike solicited +an audience at the back door, and reported that Budge had given +the carriage-sponge to the goat, put handfuls of oats into the +pump-cylinder, pulled hairs out of the black mare's tail, and +with a sharp nail drawn pictures on the enamel of the carriage- +body. Budge made no denial, but looked very much aggrieved, and +remarked that he couldn't never be happy without somebody having +to go get bothered; and he wished there wasn't nobody in the world +but organ-grinders and candy-store men. He followed me into the +house, flung himself into a chair, put on a look which I imagine +Byron wore before he was old enough to be malicious, and +exclaimed:-- + +"I don't see what little boys was made for anyhow; if ev'rybody +gets cross with them, an' don't let 'em do what they want to. I'll +bet when I get to heaven, the Lord won't be as ugly to me as Mike +is,--an' some other folks, too. I wish I could die and be buried +right away,--me an' the goat--an' go to heaven, where we wouldn't +be scolded." + +Poor little fellow! First I laughed inwardly at his idea of +heaven, and then I wondered whether my own was very different from +it, or any more creditable. I had no time to spend even in pious +reflection, however. Budge was quite wet, his shoes were soaking, +and he already had an attack of catarrh; so I took him to his room +and re-dressed him, wondering all the while how much similar +duties my own father had had to do by me had shortened his life, +and how, with such a son as I was, he lived as long as he did. The +idea that I was in some slight degree atoning for my early sins, +so filled my thoughts, that I did not at first notice the absence +of Toddie. When it DID become evident to me that my youngest +nephew was not in the bed in which I had placed him, I went in +search of him. He was in none of the chambers, but hearing gentle +murmurs issue from a long, light closet, I looked in and saw +Toddie sitting on the floor, and eating the cheese out of a mouse- +trap. A squeak of my boots betrayed me, and Toddie, equal to the +emergency, sprang to his feet and exclaimed:-- + +"I didn't hurt de 'ittle mousie one bittie; I just letted him out, +and he runded away." + +And still it rained. Oh, for a single hour of sunlight, so that +the mud might be only damp dirt, and the children could play +without tormenting other people! But it was not to be; slowly, and +by the aid of songs, stories, an improvised menagerie, in which I +personated every animal, besides playing ostrich and armadillo, +and a great many disagreements, the afternoon wore to its close, +and my heart slowly lightened. Only an hour or two more, and the +children would be in bed for the night, and then I would enjoy, in +unutterable measure, the peaceful hours which would be mine. Even +now they were inclined to behave themselves; they were tired and +hungry, and stretched themselves on the floor, to await dinner. I +embraced the opportunity to return to my book, but I had hardly +read a page, when a combined crash and scream summoned me to the +dining-room. On the floor lay Toddie, a great many dishes, a roast +leg of lamb, several ears of green corn, the butter-dish and its +contents, and several other misplaced edibles. One thing was quite +evident; the scalding contents of the gravy-dish had been emptied +on Toddie's arm, and how severely the poor child might be scalded +I did not know. I hastily slit open his sleeve from wrist to +shoulder, and found the skin very red; so, remembering my mother's +favorite treatment for scalds and burns, I quickly spread the +contents of a dish of mashed potato on a clean handkerchief, and +wound the whole around Toddie's arm as a poultice. Then I demanded +an explanation. + +"I was only djust reatchin for a pieshe of bwed," sobbed Toddie, +"an' then the bad old tabo beginded to froe all its fings at me, +an' tumble down bang." + +He undoubtedly told the truth as far as he knew it, but reaching +over tables is a bad habit in small boys, especially when their +mothers cling to old-fashioned heirlooms of tables, which have +folding leaves; so I banished Toddie to his room, supperless, to +think of what he had done. With Budge alone, I had a comfortable +dinner off the salvage from the wreck caused by Toddie, and then I +went up-stairs to see if the offender had repented. It was hard to +tell, by sight, whether he had or not, for his back was to me, as +he flattened his nose against the window, but I could see that my +poultice was gone. + +"Where is what uncle put on your arm, Toddie?" I asked. + +"I ate it up," said the truthful youth. + +"Did you eat the handkerchief, too?" + +"No; I froed nashty old handkerchief out the window--don't want +dirty old handkerchiefs in my nice 'ittle room." + +I was so glad that his burn had been slight that I forgave the +insult to my handkerchief and called up Budge, so that I might at +once get both boys into bed, and emerge from the bondage in which +I had lived all day long. But the task was no easy one. Of course +my brother-in-law, Tom Lawrence, knows better than any other man +the necessities of his own children, but no children of mine shall +ever be taught so many methods of imposing upon parental good +nature. Their program called for stories, songs, moral +conversations, frolics, the presentation of pennies, the dropping +of the same, at long intervals, into tin savings banks, followed +by a deafening shaking-up of both banks; then a prayer must be +offered, and no conventional one would be tolerated; then the boys +performed their own devotions, after which I was allowed to depart +with an interchange of "God bless you's." As this evening I left +the room with their innocent benedictions sounding in my ears, a +sense of personal weakness, induced by the events of the day, +moved me to fervently respond "Amen!" + +Mothers of American boys, accept from me a tribute of respect, +which no words can fitly express--of wonder greater than any of +the great things of the world ever inspired--of adoration as +earnest and devout as the Catholic pays to the Virgin. In a single +day, I, a strong man, with nothing else to occupy my mind, am +reduced to physical and mental worthlessness by the necessities of +two boys not overmischievous or bad. And you--Heaven only knows +how--have unbroken weeks, months, years, yes, lifetimes of just +such experiences, and with them the burden of household cares, of +physical ills and depressions, of mental anxieties that pierce +your hearts with as many sorrows as grieved the Holy Mother of +old. Compared with thy endurance, that of the young man, the +athlete, is as weakness; the secret of thy nerves, wonderful even +in their weakness, is as great as that of the power of the winds. +To display decision, thy opportunities are more frequent than +those of the greatest statesman; thy heroism laughs into +insignificance that of fort and field; thou art trained in a +school of diplomacy such as the most experienced court cannot +furnish. Do scoffers say thou canst not hold the reins of +government? Easier is it to rule a band of savages than to be the +successful autocrat of thy little kingdom. Compared with the ways +of men, even thy failures are full of glory. Be thy faults what +they may, thy one great, mysterious, unapproachable success places +thee, in desert, far above warrior, rabbi or priest. + +The foregoing soliloquy passed through my mind as I lay upon the +bed where I had thrown myself after leaving the children's room. +Whatever else attempted to affect me mentally found my mind a +blank until the next morning, when I awoke to realize that I had +dropped asleep just where I fell, and that I had spent nearly +twelve hours lying across a bed in an uncomfortable position, and +without removing my daily attire. My next impression was that +quite a bulky letter had been pushed under my chamber-door. Could +it be that my darling--I hastily seized the envelope and found it +addressed in my sister's writing, and promising a more voluminous +letter than that lady had ever before honored me with. I opened +it, dropping an enclosure which doubtless was a list of +necessities which I would please pack, etc., and read as follows:-- + +"JULY 1, 1875. + +"MY DEAR OLD BROTHER:--WOULDN'T I like to give you the warmest of +sisterly hugs? I can't believe it, and yet I'm in ecstasies over +it. To think that you should have got that perfection of a girl, +who has declined so many great catches--YOU, my sober, business- +like, unromantic big brother--oh, it's too wonderful! But now I +think of it, you're just the people for each other. I'd like to +say that it's just what I'd always longed for, and that I invited +you to Hillcrest to bring it about; but the trouble with such a +story would be that it wouldn't have a word of truth in it. You +always DID have a faculty of doing just what you pleased, and what +nobody ever expected you to do, but now you've exceeded yourself. + +"And to think that my little darlings played an important part in +bringing it all about! I shall take the credit for THAT, for if it +hadn't been for me, who would have helped you, sir? I shall expect +you to remember both of them handsomely at Christmas. + +"I don't believe I'm guilty of a breach of confidence in sending +the enclosed, which I have just received from my sister-in-law +that is to be. It will tell you some causes of your success of +which you, with a man's conceit, haven't imagined for a minute, +and it will tell you, too, of a maiden's first and natural fear +under such circumstances,--a fear which I know that you, with your +honest, generous heart, will hasten to dispel. As you're a man, +you're quite likely to be too stupid to read what's written +between the lines; so I'd better tell you that Alice's fear is +that in letting herself go so easily she may have seemed to lack +proper reserve and self-respect. You don't need to be told that no +woman alive has more of these very qualities. + +"Bless your dear old heart, Harry,--you deserve to be shaken to +death if you're not the happiest man alive. I MUST hurry home and +see you both with my own eyes, and learn to believe that all this +wonderful glorious thing has come to pass. Give Alice a sister's +kiss from me (if you know how to give more than one kind), and +give my cherubs a hundred each from the mother that wants to see +them so much. + +"With love and congratulations, + +"HELEN." + +The other letter, which I opened with considerable reverence and +more delight, ran as follows:-- + +"HILLCREST, June 29, 1875. + +"DEAR FRIEND HELEN:--Something has happened, and I am very happy, +but I am more than a little troubled over it, too, and as you are +one of the persons nearly concerned, I am going to confess to you +as soon as possible. Harry--your brother, I mean--will be sure to +tell you very soon, if he hasn't done so already, and I want to +make all possible haste to solemnly assure you that _I_ hadn't the +slightest idea of such a thing coming to pass, and I didn't do the +slightest thing to bring it about. + +"I always thought your brother was a splendid fellow, and have +never been afraid to express my mind about him, when there was no +one but girls to listen. But out here I've somehow learned to +admire him more than ever. I cheerfully acquit HIM of +intentionally doing anything to create a favorable impression; if +his several appearances before me HAVE been studied, he is +certainly the most original being I ever heard of. Your children +are angels--you've told me so yourself, and I've my own very +distinct impression on the subject, but they DON'T study to save +their uncle's appearance. The figures that unfortunate man has cut +several times--well, I won't try to describe them on paper, for +fear he might some day see a scrap of it, and take offense. But he +always seems to be patient with them, and devoted to them, and I +haven't been able to keep from seeing that a man who could be so +lovable with thoughtless and unreasonable children must be +perfectly adorable to the woman he loved, if she were a woman at +all. Still, I hadn't the faintest idea that I would be the +fortunate woman. At last THE day came, but I was in blissful +ignorance of what was to happen. Your little Charley hurt himself, +and insisted upon Har--your brother singing an odd song to him; +and just when the young gentleman was doing the elegant to a dozen +of us ladies at once, too! If you COULD have seen his face!--it +was too funny, until he got over his annoyance, and began to feel +properly sorry for the little fellow--then he seemed all at once +to be all tenderness and heart, and I DID wish for a moment that +conventionalities didn't exist, and I might tell him that he was a +model. Then your youngest playfully spilt a plate of soup on my +dress (don't be worried--'twas only a common muslin, and 'twill +wash). Of course I had to change it, and as I retired the happy +thought struck me that I'd make so elaborate a toilet that I +wouldn't finish in time to join the other ladies for the usual +evening walk; consequence, I would have a chance to monopolize a +gentleman for half an hour or more--a chance which, no thanks to +the gentlemen who don't come to Hillcrest, no lady here has had +this season. Every time I peered through the blinds to see if the +other girls had started, I could see HIM, looking so distressed, +and brooding over those two children as if he was their mother, +and he seemed so good. He seemed pleased to see ME when I +appeared, and coming from such a man, the implied compliment was +fully appreciated; everything he said to me seemed a little more +worth hearing than if it had come from any man not so good. Then +suddenly your eldest insisted on retailing the result of a +conversation he had had with his uncle, and the upshot was that +Harry declared himself; he wasn't romantic a bit, but he was real +straightforward and manly, while I was so completely taken aback +that I couldn't think of a thing to say. Then the impudent fellow +kissed me, and I lost my tongue worse than ever. If I had known +anything of his feelings beforehand, I should have been prepared +to behave more properly; but--O Helen, I'm so glad I DIDN'T know! +I should be the happiest being that ever lived, if I wasn't afraid +that you and your husband might think that I had given myself away +too hastily. As to other people, we will see that they don't know +a word about it for months to come. + +"DO write that I was not to blame, and make believe accept me as a +sister, because I CAN'T offer to give Harry up to any one else you +may have picked out for him. "Your sincere friend, + +"ALICE MAYTON." + +Was there ever so delightful a reveille? All the boyishness in me +seemed suddenly to come to the surface, and instead of saying and +doing the decorous things which novelists' heroes do under similar +circumstances, I shouted "Hurrah!" and danced into the children's +room so violently that Budge sat up in bed, and regarded me with +reproving eyes, while Toddie burst into a happy laugh, and +volunteered as a partner in the dance. Then I realized that the +rain was over, and the sun was shining--I could take Alice out for +another drive, and until then the children could take care of +themselves. I remembered suddenly, and with a sharp pang, that my +vacation was nearly at an end, and I found myself consuming with +impatience to know how much longer Alice would remain at +Hillcrest. It would be cruel to wish her in the city before the +end of August, yet I-- + +"Uncle Harry," said Budge, "my papa says 'tisn't nice for folks to +sit down and go to thinkin' before they've brushed their hair +mornin's--that's what he tells ME." + +"I beg your pardon, Budge," said I, springing up in some +confusion; "I was thinking over a matter of a great deal of +importance." + +"What was it--my goat?" + +"No--of course not. Don't be silly, Budge." + +"Well, I think about him a good deal, an' I don't think it's silly +a bit. I hope he'll go to heaven when he dies. Do angels have +goat-carriages, Uncle Harry?" + +"No, old fellow--they can go about without carriages." + +"When _I_ goesh to hebben," said Toddie, rising in bed, "Izhe +goin' to have lots of goat-cawidjes an' Izhe goin' to tate all ze +andjels a widen." + +With many other bits of prophecy and celestial description I was +regaled as I completed my toilet, and I hurried out of doors for +an opportunity to think without disturbance. Strolling past the +henyard I saw a meditative turtle, and picking him up and shouting +to my nephews I held the reptile up for their inspection. Their +window-blinds flew open, and a unanimous though not exactly +harmonious "Oh!" greeted my prize. + +"Where did you get it, Uncle Harry?" asked Budge. + +"Down by the hen-coop." + +Budge's eyes opened wide; he seemed to devote a moment to profound +thought, and then he exclaimed:-- + +"Why, I don't see how the hens COULD lay such a big thing--just +put him in your hat till I come down, will you?" + +I dropped the turtle in Budge's wheelbarrow, and made a tour of +the flower-borders. The flowers, always full of suggestion to me, +seemed suddenly to have new charms and powers; they actually +impelled me to try to make rhymes,--me, a steady white-goods +salesman! The impulse was too strong to be resisted, though I must +admit that the results were pitifully meager:-- + + "As radiant as that matchless rose + Which poet-artists fancy; + As fair as whitest lily-blows, + As modest as the pansy; + As pure as dew which hides within + Aurora's sun-kissed chalice; + As tender as the primrose sweet-- + All this, and more, is Alice." + +In inflicting this fragment upon the reader, I have not the +faintest idea that he can discover any merit in it; I quote it +only that a subsequent experience of mine may be more +intelligible. When I had composed these wretched lines I became +conscious that I had neither pencil nor paper wherewith to +preserve them. Should I lose them--my first self-constructed poem? +Never! This was not the first time in which I had found it +necessary to preserve words by memory alone. So I repeated my +ridiculous lines over and over again, until the eloquent feeling +of which they were the graceless expression inspired me to +accompany my recital with gestures. Six--eight--ten--a dozen-- +twenty times I repeated these lines, each time with additional +emotion and gestures, when a thin voice, very near me, remarked:-- + +"Ocken Hawwy, you does djust as if you was swimmin'." + +Turning, I beheld my nephew Toddie--how long he had been behind +me I had no idea. He looked earnestly into my eyes and then +remarked:-- + +"Ocken Hawwy, your faysh is wed, djust like a wosy-posy." + +"Let's go right in to breakfast, Toddie," said I aloud, as I +grumbled to myself about the faculty of observation which Tom's +children seemed to have. + +Immediately after breakfast I despatched Mike with a note to +Alice, informing her that I would be glad to drive her to the +Falls in the afternoon calling for her at two. Then I placed +myself unreservedly at the disposal of the boys for the morning, +it being distinctly understood that they must not expect to see me +between lunch and dinner. I was first instructed to harness the +goat, which order I obeyed, and I afterward watched that grave +animal as he drew my nephews up and down the carriage-road, his +countenance as demure as if he had no idea of suddenly departing +when my back should be turned. The wheels of the goat carriage +uttered the most heartrending noises I had ever heard from +ungreased axle; so I persuaded the boys to dismount, and submit to +the temporary unharnessing of the goat, while I should lubricate +the axles. Half an hour of dirty work sufficed, with such +assistance as I gained from juvenile advice, to accomplish the +task properly; then I put the horned steed into the shafts, Budge +cracked the whip, the carriage moved off without noise, and Toddie +began to weep bitterly. + +"Cawwidge is all bwoke," said he; "WHEELSH DON'T SING A BITTIE NO +MORE," while Budge remarked:-- + +"I think the carriage sounds kind o' lonesome now, don't you, +Uncle Harry?" + +"Uncle Harry," asked Budge, a little later in the morning, "do you +know what makes the thunder?" + +"Yes, Budge--when two clouds go bump into each other they make a +good deal of noise, and they call it thunder." + +"That ain't it at all," said Budge. "When it thundered yesterday +it was because the Lord was riding along through the sky and the +wheels of his carriage made an awful noise, an' that was the +thunder." + +"Don't like nashty old 'funder," remarked Toddie. "It goesh into +our cellar an' makesh all ze milk sour--Maggie said so. An' so I +can't hazh no nice white tea for my brepspup." + +"I should think you'd like the Lord to go a ridin', Toddie, with +all the angels running after him," said Budge, "even if the +thunder DOES make the milk sour. And 'tis so splendid to SEE the +thunder bang." + +"How do you see it, Budge?" I asked. + +"Why, don't you know when the thunder bangs, and then you see an +awful bright place in the sky?--that's where the Lord's carriage +gives an awful pound, and makes little cracks through the floor of +heaven, an' we see right in. But what's the reason we can't ever +see anybody through the cracks, Uncle Harry?" + +"I don't know--old fellow,--I guess it's because it isn't cracks +in heaven that look so bright,--it's a kind of fire that the Lord +makes up in the clouds. You'll know all about it when you get +bigger." + +"Well, I'll feel awful sorry if 'tain't anything but fire. Do you +know that funny song my papa sings 'bout:-- + + "'Roarin' thunders, lightenin's blazes, + Shout the great Creator's praises?'" + +I don't know zactly what it means, but I think it's kind o' +splendid, don't you?" + +I DID know the old song; I had heard it in a Western camp-meeting, +when scarcely older than Budge, and it left upon my mind just the +effect it seemed to have done on his. I blessed his sympathetic +young heart, and snatched him into my arms. Instantly he became +all boy again. + +"Uncle Harry," he shouted, "you crawl on your hands and knees and +play you was a horse, and I'll ride on your back." + +"No, thank you, Budge, not on the dirt." + +"Then let's play menagerie, an' you be all the animals." + +To this proposition I assented, and after hiding ourselves in one +of the retired angles of the house, so that no one could know who +was guilty of disturbing the peace by such dire noises, the +performance commenced. I was by turns a bear, a lion, a zebra, an +elephant, dogs of various kinds, and a cat. As I personated the +latter-named animals, Toddie echoed my voice. + +"Miauw! Miauw!" said he, "dat's what cats saysh when they goesh +down wells." + +"Faith, an' it's him that knows," remarked Mike, who had invited +himself to a free seat in the menagerie, and assisted in the +applause which had greeted each personation. + +"Would ye belave it, Misther Harry, dhat young dhivil got out the +front door one mornin' afore sunroise, all in his little noight- +gown, an' wint over to the doctor's an' picked up a kitten lyin' +on the kitchen door-mat, an' throwed it down dhe well. The docthor +wasn't home, but the missis saw him, an' her heart was dhat +tindher that she hurried out and throwed boords down for dhe poor +little baste to stand on, an' let down a hoe on a sthring, an' +whin she got dhe poor little dhing out, she was dhat faint that +she dhrapped on dhe grass. An' it cost Mr. Lawrence nigh onto +thirty dollars to have dhe docthor's well claned out." + +"Yes," said Toddie, who had listened carefully to Mike's recital, +"an' kitty-kitty said, 'Miauw! Miauw!' when she goed down ze well. +An' Mish Doctor sed, 'Bad boy--go home--don't never tum to my +housh no more,'--dat's what she said to me. Now be some more +animals, Ocken Hawwy. Can't you be a whay-al?" + +"Whales don't make a noise, Toddie; they only splash about in the +water." + +"Zen grop in the cistern an' 'plash, can't you?" + +Lunch-time, and after it the time for Toddie to take his nap. Poor +Budge was bereft of a playmate, for the doctor's little girl was +sick; so he quietly followed me about with a wistful face, that +almost persuaded me to take him with me on my drive--OUR drive. +Had he grumbled, I would have felt less uncomfortable; but there's +nothing so touching and overpowering to either gods or men as the +spectacle of mute resignation. At last, to my great relief, he +opened his mouth. + +"Uncle Harry," said he, "do you 'spose folks ever get lonesome in +heaven?" + +"I guess not, Budge." + +"Do little boy-angels' papas an' mammas go off visitin', an' stay +so long?" + +"I don't exactly know, Budge, but if they do, the little boy- +angels have plenty of other little boy-angels to play with, so +they can't very well be lonesome." + +"Well, I don't b'leeve they could make ME happy, when I wanted to +see my papa an' mamma. When I haven't got anybody to play with, +then I want papa an' mamma SO bad--so bad as if I would die if I +didn't see 'em right away." + +I was shaving, and only half-done, but I hastily wiped off my +face, dropped into a rocking-chair, took the forlorn little boy +into my arms, and kissed him, caressed him, sympathized with him, +and devoted myself entirely to the task and pleasure of comforting +him. His sober little face gradually assumed a happier appearance; +his lips parted in such lines as no old master ever put upon angel +lips; his eyes from being dim and hopeless, grew warm and lustrous +and melting. At last he said:-- + +"Uncle Harry, I'm EVER so happy now. An' can't Mike go around with +me and the goat all the time you're away riding? An' bring us home +some candy, an' marbles--oh, yes--an' a new dog." + +Anxious as I was to hurry off to meet my engagement, I was rather +disgusted as I unseated Budge and returned to my razor. So long as +he was lonesome and I was his only hope, words couldn't express +his devotion, but the moment he had, through my efforts, regained +his spirits, his only use for me was to ask further favors. Yet in +trying the poor boy, judicially, the evidence was more dangerous +to humanity in general than to Budge; it threw a great deal of +light upon my own peculiar theological puzzles, and almost +convinced me that my duty was to preach a new gospel. + +As I drove up to the steps of Mrs. Clarkson's boarding-house it +seemed to me a month had elapsed since last I was there, and this +apparent lapse of time was all that prevented my ascribing to +miraculous agencies the wonderful and delightful change that +Alice's countenance had undergone in two short days. Composure, +quickness of perception, the ability to guard one's self, are +indications of character which are particularly in place in the +countenance of a young lady in society, but when, without losing +these, the face takes on the radiance born of love and trust, the +effect is indescribably charming--especially to the eyes of the +man who causes the change. Longer, more out-of-the-way roads +between Hillcrest and the Falls I venture to say were never known +than I drove over that afternoon, and my happy companion, who in +other days I had imagined might one day, by her decision, +alertness and force exceed the exploits of Lady Baker or Miss +Tinne, never once asked if I was sure we were on the right road. +Only a single cloud came over her brow, and of this I soon learned +the cause. + +"Harry," said she, pressing closer to my side, and taking an +appealing tone, "do you love me well enough to endure something +unpleasant for my sake?" + +My answer was not verbally expressed, but its purport seemed to be +understood and accepted, for Alice continued:-- + +"I wouldn't undo a bit of what's happened--I'm the happiest, +proudest woman in the world. But we HAVE been very hasty, for +people who have been mere acquaintances. And mother is dreadfully +opposed to such affairs--she is of the old style, you know." + +"It was all my fault," said I. "I'll apologize promptly and +handsomely. The time and agony which I didn't consume in laying +siege to your heart I'll devote to the task of gaining your +mother's good graces." + +The look I received in reply to this remark would have richly +repaid me had my task been to conciliate as many mothers-in-law as +Brigham Young possesses. But her smile faded as she said:-- + +"You don't know what a task you have before you. Mother has a very +tender heart, but it's thoroughly fenced in by proprieties. In her +day and set, courtship was a very slow, stately affair, and mother +believes it the proper way now; so do I, but I admit possible +exceptions, and mother doesn't. I'm afraid she won't be patient if +she knows the whole truth, yet I can't bear to keep it from her. +I'm her only child, you know." + +"DON'T keep it from her," said I, "unless for some reason of your +own. Let me tell the whole story, take all the responsibility, and +accept the penalties, if there are any. Your mother is right in +principle, if there IS a certain delightful exception that we know +of." + +"My only fear is for YOU," said my darling, nestling closer to me. +"She comes of a family that can display most glorious indignation +when there's a good excuse for it, and I can't bear to think of +YOU being the cause of such an outbreak." + +"I've faced the ugliest of guns in honor of one form of love, +little girl," I replied, "and I could do even more for the +sentiment for which YOU'RE to blame. And for my own sake, I'd +rather endure anything than a sense of having deceived any one, +especially the mother of such a daughter. Besides, you're her +dearest treasure, and she has a right to know of even the least +thing that in any way concerns you." + +"And you're a noble fellow, and--" Whatever other sentiment my +companion failed to put into words was impulsively and eloquently +communicated by her dear eyes. + +But oh, what a cowardly heart your dear cheek rested upon an +instant later, fair Alice! Not for the first time in my life did I +shrink and tremble at the realization of what duty imperatively +required--not for the first time did I go through a harder battle +than was ever fought with sword and cannon, and a battle with +greater possibilities of danger than the field ever offered. I won +it, as a man must do in such fights, if he deserves to live; but I +could not help feeling considerably sobered on our homeward drive. + +We neared the house, and I had an insane fancy that instead of +driving two horses I was astride of one, with spurs at my heels +and a saber at my side. + +"Let me talk to her NOW, Alice, won't you? Delays are only +cowardly." + +A slight trembling at my side,--an instant of silence that seemed +an hour, yet within which I could count but six footfalls, and +Alice replied:-- + +"Yes; if the parlor happens to be empty, I'll ask her if she won't +go in and see you a moment." Then there came a look full of +tenderness, wonder, painful solicitude, and then two dear eyes +filled with tears. + +"We're nearly there, darling," said I, with a reassuring embrace. + +"Yes, and you sha'n't be the only hero," said she, straightening +herself proudly, and looking a fit model for a Cenobia. + +As we passed from behind a clump of evergreens which hid the house +from our view, I involuntarily exclaimed, "Gracious!" Upon the +piazza stood Mrs. Mayton; at her side stood my two nephews, as +dirty in face, in clothing, as I had ever seen them. I don't know +but that for a moment I freely forgave them, for their presence +might grant me the respite which a sense of duty would not allow +me to take. + +"Wezhe comed up to wide home wif you," exclaimed Toddie, as Mrs. +Mayton greeted me with an odd mixture of courtesy, curiosity and +humor. Alice led the way into the parlor whispered to her mother, +and commenced to make a rapid exit, when Mrs. Mayton called her +back, and motioned her to a chair. Alice and I exchanged sidelong +glances. + +"Alice says you wish to speak with me, Mr. Burton," said she. "I +wonder whether the subject is one upon which I have this afternoon +received a minute verbal account from the elder Master Lawrence." + +"If you refer to an apparently unwarrantable intrusion upon your +family circle, Mrs.--" + +"I do, sir," replied the old lady. "Between the statements made by +that child, and the hitherto unaccountable change in my daughter's +looks during two or three days, I think I have got at the truth of +the matter. If the offender were any one else, I should be +inclined to be severe; but we mothers of only daughters are apt to +have a pretty distinct idea of the merits of young men, and--" + +The old lady dropped her head; I sprang to my feet, seized her +hand, and reverently kissed it; then Mrs. Mayton, whose only son +had died fifteen years before, raised her head and adopted me in +the manner peculiar to mothers, while Alice burst into tears and +kissed us both. + +A few moments later, as three happy people were occupying +conventional attitudes, and trying to compose faces which should +bear the inspection of whoever might happen into the parlor, Mrs. +Mayton observed:-- + +"My children, between us this matter is understood, but I must +caution you against acting in such a way as to make the engagement +public at once." + +"Trust me for that," hastily exclaimed Alice. + +"And me," said I. + +"I have no doubt of the intentions and discretion of either of +you," resumed Mrs. Mayton, "but you cannot possibly be too +cautious." Here a loud laugh from the shrubbery under the windows +drowned Mrs. Mayton's voice for a moment, but she continued: +"Servants, children,"--here she smiled, and I dropped my head-- +"persons you may chance to meet--" + +Again the laugh broke forth under the window. + +"What CAN those girls be laughing at?" exclaimed Alice, moving +toward the window, followed by her mother and me. + +Seated in a semicircle on the grass were most of the ladies +boarding at Mrs. Clarkson's, and in front of them stood Toddie, in +that high state of excitement to which sympathetic applause always +raises him. + +"Say it again," said one of the ladies. + +Toddie put on an expression of profound wisdom, made violent +gestures with both hands and repeated the following, with frequent +gesticulations:-- + + "Azh wadiant azh ze matchless wose + Zat poeck-artuss fanshy; + Azh fair azh whituss lily-blowzh; + Azh moduss azh a panzhy; + Azh pure azh dew zat hides wiffin + Awwahwah's sun-tissed tsallish; + Azh tender azh ze pwimwose fweet + All zish, and moah, izh Alish." + +I gasped for breath. + +"Who taught you all that, Toddie?" asked one of the ladies. + +"Nobody didn't taught me--I lyned [Footnote: learned] it." + +"When did you learn it?" + +"Lyned it zish mornin'. Ocken Hawwy said it over, an' over, an' +over, djust yots of timezh, out in ze garden." + +The ladies all exchanged glances--my lady readers will understand +just how, and I assure gentlemen that I did not find their glances +at all hard to read. Alice looked at me inquiringly, and she now +tells me that I blushed sheepishly and guiltily. Poor Mrs. Mayton +staggered to a chair, and exclaimed:-- + +"Too late! too late!" + +Considering their recent achievements, Toddie and Budge were a +very modest couple as I drove them home that evening. Budge even +made some attempt at apologizing for their appearance, saying that +they couldn't find Maggie, and COULDN'T wait any longer; but I +assured him that no apology was necessary. I was in such excellent +spirits that my feeling became contagious; and we sang songs, told +stories, and played ridiculous games most of the evening, paying +but little attention to the dinner that was set for us. + +"Uncle Harry," said Budge, suddenly, "do you know we haven't ever +sung,--'Drown old Pharaoh's Army Hallelujah,' since you've been +here? Let's do it now." "All right, old fellow." I knew the song +--such as there was of it--and its chorus, as EVERY one does who +ever heard the Jubilee Singers render it; but I scarcely +understood the meaning of the preparations which Budge made. He +drew a large rocking-chair into the middle of the room, and +exclaimed:-- + +"There, Uncle Harry--you sit down. Come along, Tod--you sit on +that knee, and I'll sit on this. Lift up both hands, Tod, like I +do. Now we're all ready, Uncle Harry." + +I sang the first line,-- + +"When Israel was in bondage, they cried unto de Lord," without any +assistance, but the boys came in powerfully on the refrain, +beating time simultaneously with their four fists upon my chest. I +cannot think it strange that I suddenly ceased singing, but the +boys viewed my action from a different standpoint. + +"What makes you stop, Uncle Harry?" asked Budge. + +"Because you hurt me badly, my boy; you mustn't do that again." + +"Why, I guess you ain't very strong; that's the way we do to papa, +an' it don't hurt HIM." + +Poor Tom! No wonder he grows flat--chested. + +"Guesh you's a ky--baby," suggested Toddie. + +This imputation I bore with meekness, but ventured to remark that +it was bed-time. After allowing a few moments for the usual +expressions of dissent, I staggered up--stairs with Toddie in my +arms, and Budge on my back, both boys roaring in refrain of the +negro hymn:-- + +"I'm a rolling through an Unfriendly World." + +The offer of a stick of candy to whichever boy was first +undressed, caused some lively disrobing, after which each boy +received the prize. Budge bit a large piece, wedged it between his +cheek and his teeth, closed his eyes, folded his hands on his +breast, and prayed:-- + +"Dear Lord, bless papa an' mamma, an' Toddie an' me, an' that +turtle Uncle Harry found: and bless that lovely lady Uncle Harry +goes riding with an' make 'em take me too, an' bless that nice old +lady with white hair, that cried, and said I was a smart boy. +Amen." + +Toddie sighed as he drew his stick of candy from his lips; then he +shut his eyes and remarked: + +"Dee Lord, blesh Toddie, an' make him good boy, an' blesh zem +ladies zat told me to say it aden;" the particular "it" referred +to being well understood by at least three adults of my +acquaintances. + +The course of Budge's interview with Mrs. Mayton was afterward +related by that lady, as follows:--She was sitting in her own room +(which was on the parlor-floor, and in the rear of the house), and +was leisurely reading "Fated to be Free," when she accidentally +dropped her glasses. Stooping to pick them up, she became aware +that she was not alone. A small, very dirty, but good-featured boy +stood before her, his hands behind his back, and an inquiring look +in his eyes. + +"Run away, little boy," said she. "Don't you know it isn't polite +to enter rooms without knocking?" + +"I'm lookin' for my uncle," said Budge, in most melodious accents, +"an' the other ladies said you would know when he would come +back." + +"I'm afraid they were making fun of you--or me," said the old +lady, a little severely. "I don't know anything about little boys' +uncles. Now run away, and don't disturb me any more." + +"Well," continued Budge, "they said your little girl went with +him, and you'd know when SHE would come back." + +"I haven't any little girl," said the old lady, her indignation, +at a supposed joke, threatening to overcome her dignity. "Now, go +away." + +"She isn't a VERY little girl," said Budge, honestly anxious to +conciliate; "that is, she's bigger'n _I_ am, but they said you was +her mother, an' so she's you're little girl, isn't she? _I_ think +she's lovely, too." + +"Do you mean Miss Mayton?" asked the lady, thinking she had a +possible clue to the cause of Budge's anxiety. + +"Oh, yes--that's her name--I couldn't think of it," eagerly +replied Budge. "An' ain't she AWFUL nice?--_I_ KNOW she is!" + +"Your judgment is quite correct, considering your age," said Mrs. +Mayton, exhibiting more interest in Budge than she had heretofore +done. "But what makes you think she is nice? You are rather +younger than her male admirers usually are." + +"Why, my Uncle Harry told me so," replied Budge, "an' HE knows +EVERYthing." + +Mrs. Mayton grew vigilant at once, and dropped her book. + +"Who IS your Uncle Harry, little boy?" + +"He's Uncle Harry; don't you know him? He can make nicer whistles +than my papa can. An' he found a turtle--" + +"Who is your papa?" interrupted the lady. + +"Why, he's papa--I thought everybody knew who HE was." + +"What is your name?" asked Mrs. Mayton. + +"John Burton Lawrence," promptly answered Budge. + +Mrs. Mayton wrinkled her brows for a moment, and finally asked:-- + +"Is Mr. Burton the uncle you are looking for?" + +"I don't know any Mr. Burton," said Budge, a little dazed; "uncle +is mamma's brother, an' he's been livin' at our house ever since +mamma an' papa went off visitin', an' he goes ridin' in our +carriage, an'--" + +"Humph!" remarked the lady, with so much emphasis that Budge +ceased talking. A moment later she said:-- + +"I didn't mean to interrupt you, little boy; go on." + +"An' he rides with just the loveliest lady that ever was. HE +thinks so, an' _I_ KNOW she is. An' he 'spects her." + +"What?" exclaimed the old lady. + +"--'Spects her, I say--that's what HE says. _I_ say 'spects means +just what _I_ call LOVE. Cos if it don't, what makes him give her +hugs and kisses?" + +Mrs. Mayton caught her breath, and did not reply for a moment. At +last she said:-- + +"How do you know he--gives her hugs and kisses?" + +"Cos I saw him, the day Toddie hurt his finger in the grass- +cutter. An' he was so happy that be bought me a goat-carriage next +morning--I'll show it to you if you come down to our stable, an' +I'll show you the goat too. An' he bought--" + +Just here Budge stopped, for Mrs. Mayton put her handkerchief to +her eyes. Two or three moments later she felt a light touch on her +knee, and, wiping her eyes, saw Budge looking sympathetically into +her face. + +"I'm awful sorry you feel bad," said he. + +"Are you 'fraid to have your little girl ridin' so long?" + +"Yes!" exclaimed Mrs. Mayton, with great decision. + +"Well, you needn't be," said Budge, "for Uncle Harry's awful +careful an' smart." + +"He ought to be ashamed of himself!" exclaimed the lady. + +"I guess he is, then," said Budge, "cos he's ev'rything he ought +to be. He's awful careful. T'other day, when the goat ran away, +an' Toddie an' me got in the carriage with them, he held on to her +tight, so she couldn't fall out." + +Mrs. Mayton brought her foot down with a violent stamp. + +"I know you'd 'spect HIM, if you knew how nice he was," continued +Budge. "He sings awful funny songs, an' tells splendid stories." + +"Nonsense!" exclaimed the angry mother. + +"They ain't no nonsense at all," said Budge. "I don't think it's +nice for to say that, when his stories are always about Joseph, +an' Abraham, an' Moses, an' when Jesus was a little boy, an' the +Hebrew children, an' lots of people that the Lord loved. An' he's +awful 'fectionate, too." + +"Yes, I suppose so," said Mrs. Mayton. + +"When we says our prayers we prays for the nice lady what he +'spects, an' he likes us to do it," continued Budge. + +"How do you know?" demanded Mrs. Mayton. + +"Cos he always kisses us when we do it, an' that's what my papa +does when he likes what we pray." + +Mrs. Mayton's mind became absorbed in earnest thought, but Budge +had not said all that was in his heart. + +"An' when Toddie or me tumbles down an' hurts ourselves, 'tain't +no matter what Uncle Harry's doin' he runs right out an' picks us +up an' comforts us. He froed away a cigar the other day, he was in +such a hurry when a wasp stung me, an' Toddie picked the cigar up +and ate it, an' it made him AWFUL sick." + +The last-named incident did not affect Mrs. Mayton deeply, perhaps +on the score of inapplicability to the question before her. Budge +went on:-- + +"An' wasn't he good to me today? Just cos I was forlorn, cos I +hadn't nobody to play with, an' wanted to die an' go to heaven, he +stopped shavin', so as to comfort me." + +Mrs. Mayton had been thinking rapidly and seriously, and her heart +had relented somewhat toward the principal offender. + +"Suppose," said she, "that I don't let my little girl go riding +with him any more?" + +"Then," said Budge, "I know he'll be awful, awful unhappy, an' +I'll be awful sorry for him, cos nice folks oughtn't to be made +unhappy." + +"Suppose, then, that I DO let her go," said Mrs. Mayton. + +"Then I'll give you a whole stomachful of kisses for being so good +to my uncle," said Budge. And assuming that the latter course +would be the one adopted by Mrs. Mayton, Budge climbed into her +lap and began at once to make payment. + +"Bless your dear little heart!" exclaimed Mrs. Mayton; "you're of +the same blood, and it IS good, if it IS rather hasty." + +As I arose the next morning, I found a letter under my door. +Disappointed that it was not addressed in Alice's writing, I was +nevertheless glad to get a word from my sister, particularly as +the letter ran as follows:-- + +"JULY 1, 1875. + +"DEAR OLD BROTHER,--I've been recalling a fortnight's experience +WE once had of courtship in a boarding-house, and I've determined +to cut short our visit here, hurry home, and give you and Alice a +chance or two to see each other in parlors where there won't be a +likelihood of the dozen or two interruptions you must suffer each +evening now. Tom agrees with me, like the obedient old darling +that he is; so please have the carriage at Hillcrest station for +us at 11:40 Friday morning. Invite Alice and her mother for me to +dine with us Sunday,--we'll bring them home from church with us. + +"Lovingly, your sister, HELEN. + +"P. S. Of course you'll have my darlings in the carriage to +receive me. + +"P. P. S. WOULD it annoy you to move into the best guest-chamber? +--I can't bear to sleep where I can't have THEM within reach." + +Friday morning they intended to arrive,--blessings on their +thoughtful hearts!--and THIS was Friday. I hurried into the boys' +room, and shouted:-- + +"Toddie! Budge! who do you think is coming to see you this +morning?" + +"Who?" asked Budge. + +"Organ-grinder?" queried Toddie. + +"No, your papa and mamma." + +Budge looked like an angel in an instant, but Toddie's eyes +twitched a little, and he mournfully murmured:-- + +"I fought it wash an organ-grinder." + +"O Uncle Harry!" said Budge, springing out of bed in a perfect +delirium of delight, "I believe if my papa an' mamma had stayed +away any longer, I believe I would DIE. I've been SO lonesome for +'em that I haven't known what to do--I've cried whole pillowsful +about it, right here in the dark." + +"Why, my poor old fellow," said I, picking him up and kissing him, +"why didn't you come and tell Uncle Harry, and let him try to +comfort you?" + +"I COULDN'T," said Budge; "when I gets lonesome, it feels as if my +mouth was all tied up, an' a great big stone was right in here." +And Budge put his hand on his chest. + +"If a big'tone wazh inshide of ME," said Toddie, "I'd take it out +an' frow it at the shickens." + +"Toddie," said I, "aren't you glad papa an' mamma are coming?" + +"Yesh," said Toddie, "I fink it'll be awfoo nish. Mamma always +bwings me candy fen she goes away anyfere." + +"Toddie, you're a mercenary wretch." + +"AIN'T a mernesary wetch; Izhe Toddie Yawncie." + +Toddie made none the less haste in dressing than his brother, +however. Candy was to him what some systems of theology are to +their adherents--not a very lofty motive of action but sweet, and +something he could fully understand; so the energy displayed in +getting himself tangled up in his clothes was something wonderful. + +"Stop, boys," said I, "you must have on clean clothes to-day. You +don't want your father and mother to see you all dirty, do you?" + +"Of course not," said Budge. + +"Oh, Izh I goin' to be djessed up all nicey?" asked Toddie. +"Goody! goody! goody!" + +I always thought my sister Helen had an undue amount of vanity, +and here it was reappearing in the second generation. + +"An' I wantsh my shoes made all nigger," said Toddie. + +"What?" + +"Wantsh my shoesh made all nigger wif a bottle-bwush, too," said +Toddie. + +I looked appealingly at Budge, who answered:-- + +"He means he wants his shoes blacked, with the polish that's in a +bottle, an' you rub it on with a brush." + +"An' I wantsh a thath on," continued Toddie. + +"Sash, he means," said Budge. "He's awful proud." + +"An' Ize doin' to wear my takker-hat," said Toddie. "An' my wed +djuvs." + +"That's his tassel-hat an' his red gloves," continued the +interpreter. + +"Toddie, you can't wear gloves such hot days as these," said I. + +A look of inquiry was speedily followed by Toddie's own +unmistakable preparations for weeping; and as I did not want his +eyes dimmed when his mother looked into them I hastily exclaimed:-- + +"Put them on, then--put on the mantle of rude Boreas, if you +choose; but don't go to crying." + +"Don't want no mantle-o'-wude-bawyusses," declared Toddie, +following me phonetically, "wantsh my own pitty cozhesh, an' +nobody eshesh." + +"O Uncle Harry!" exclaimed Budge, "I want to bring mamma home in +my goat-carriage!" + +"The goat isn't strong enough, Budge, to draw mamma and you." + +"Well, then, let me drive down to the depot just to SHOW papa an' +mamma I've got a goat-carriage--I'm sure mamma would be very +unhappy when she found out I had one, and she hadn't seen it first +thing." + +"Well, I guess you may follow me down, Budge, but you must drive +very carefully." + +"Oh, yes--I wouldn't get us hurt when mamma was coming, for +ANYthing." "Now, boys," said I, "I want you to stay in the house +and play this morning. If you go out of doors you'll get +yourselves dirty." + +"I guess the sun'll be disappointed if it don't have us to look +at," suggested Budge. + +"Never mind," said I, "the sun's old enough to have learned to be +patient." + +Breakfast over, the boys moved reluctantly away to the play-room, +while I inspected the house and grounds pretty closely, to see +that everything should at least fail to do my management +discredit. A dollar given to Mike and another to Maggie were of +material assistance in this work, so I felt free to adorn the +parlors and Helen's chamber with flowers. As I went into the +latter room I heard some one at the wash-stand, which was in the +alcove, and on looking I saw Toddie drinking the last of the +contents of a goblet which contained a dark-colored mixture. + +"Ize takin' black medshin," said Toddie; "I likes black medshin +awfoo muts." + +"What do you make it of?" I asked, with some sympathy, and tracing +parental influence again. When Helen and I were children we spent +hours in soaking liquorice in water and administering it as +medicine. + +"Makesh it out of shoda mitsture," said Toddie. + +This was another medicine of our childhood days, but one prepared +according to physician's prescription, and not beneficial when +taken ad libitum. As I took the vial--a two-ounce one--I asked:-- + +"How much did you take, Toddie?" + +"Took whole bottoo full--twas nysh," said he. + +Suddenly the label caught my eye--it read PAREGORIC. In a second I +had snatched a shawl, wrapped Toddie in it, tucked him under my +arm, and was on my way to the barn. In a moment more I was on one +of the horses and galloping furiously to the village, with Toddie +under one arm, his yellow curls streaming in the breeze. People +came out and stared as they did at John Gilpin, while one old +farmer whom I met turned his team about, whipped up furiously, and +followed me, shouting "Stop thief!" I afterward learned that he +took me to be one of the abductors of Charley Ross, with the lost +child under my arm, and that visions of the $20,000 reward floated +before his eyes. In front of an apothecary's I brought the horse +suddenly upon his haunches, and dashed in, exclaiming:-- + +"Give this child a strong emetic--quick. He's swallowed poison!" + +The apothecary hurried to his prescription-desk, while a +motherly-looking Irish woman upon whom he had been waiting, +exclaimed, "Holy Mither! I'll run an' fetch Father O'Kelley," and +hurried out. Meanwhile Toddie, upon whom the medicine had not +commenced to take effect, had seized the apothecary's cat by the +tail, which operation resulted in a considerable vocal protest +from that animal. + +The experiences of the next few moments were more pronounced and +revolutionary than pleasing to relate in detail. It is sufficient +to say that Toddie's weight was materially diminished, and that +his complexion was temporarily pallid. Father O'Kelley arrived at +a brisk run, and was honestly glad to find that his services were +not required, although I assured him that if Catholic baptism and +a sprinkling of holy water would improve Toddie's character, I +thought there was excuse for several applications. We rode quietly +back to the house, and while I was asking Maggie to try to coax +Toddie into taking a nap, I heard the patient remark to his +brother:-- + +"Budgie, down to the village I was a whay-al. I didn't froe up +Djonah, but I froed up a whole floor full of uvver fings." During +the hour which passed before it was time to start for the depot, +my sole attention was devoted to keeping the children from soiling +their clothes; but my success was so little, that I lost my temper +entirely. First they insisted upon playing on a part of the lawn +which the sun had not yet reached. Then, while I had gone into the +house for a match to light my cigar, Toddie had gone with his damp +shoes into the middle of the road, where the dust was ankle deep. +Then they got upon their hands and knees on the piazza and played +bear. Each one wanted to pick a bouquet for his mother, and Toddie +took the precaution to smell every flower he approached--an +operation which caused him to get his nose covered with lily- +pollen, so that he looked like a badly used prize-fighter. In one +of their spasms of inaction, Budge asked:-- + +"What makes some of the men in church have no hair on the tops of +their heads, Uncle Harry?" + +"Because," said I, pausing long enough to shake Toddie for trying +to get my watch out of my pocket, "because they have bad little +boys to bother them all the time, so their hair drops out." + +"I dess MY hairs is a-goin' to drop out pitty soon, then," +remarked Toddie, with an injured air. + +"Harness the horses, Mike," I shouted. + +"An' the goat, too," added Budge. + +Five minutes later I was seated in the carriage, or rather in +Tom's two-seated open wagon. "Mike," I shouted, "I forgot to tell +Maggie to have some lunch ready for the folks when they get here-- +run, tell her, quick, won't you?" + +"Oye, oye, sur," said Mike, and off he went. + +"Are you all ready, boys?" I asked. + +"In a minute," said Budge; "soon as I fix this. Now," he +continued, getting into his seat, and taking the reins and whip, +"go ahead." + +"Wait a moment, Budge--put down that whip, and don't touch the +goat with it once on the way. I'm going to drive very slowly-- +there's plenty of time, and all you need to do is to hold your +reins." + +"All right," said Budge, "but I like to look like mans when I +drive." + +"You may do that when somebody can run beside you. Now!" + +The horses started at a gentle trot, and the goat followed very +closely. When within a minute of the depot, however, the train +swept in. I had intended to be on the platform to meet Tom and +Helen, but my watch was evidently slow. I gave the horses the +whip, looked behind and saw the boys were close upon me, and I was +so near the platform when I turned my head that nothing but the +sharpest of turns saved me from a severe accident. The noble +animals saw the danger as quickly as I did, however, and turned in +marvelously small space; as they did so, I heard two hard thumps +upon the wooden wall of the little depot, heard also two frightful +howls, saw both my nephews considerably mixed up on the platform, +while the driver of the Bloom-Park stage growled in my ear:-- + +"What in thunder did you let 'em hitch that goat to your axle-tree +for?" + +I looked, and saw the man spoke with just cause. How the goat's +head and shoulders had maintained their normal connection during +the last minute of my drive, I leave for naturalists to explain. I +had no time to meditate on the matter just then, for the train had +stopped. Fortunately the children had struck on their heads, and +the Lawrence-Burton skull is a marvel of solidity. I set them upon +their feet, brushed them off with my hands, promised them all the +candy they could eat for a week, wiped their eyes, and hurried +them to the other side of the depot. Budge rushed at Tom, +exclaiming:-- + +"See my goat, papa!" + +Helen opened her arms, and Toddie threw himself into them, +sobbing:-- + +"Mam--MA! shing 'Toddie one-boy-day!'" + +How uncomfortable a man CAN feel in the society of a dearly-loved +sister and an incomparable brother-in-law I never imagined until +that short drive. Helen was somewhat concerned about the children, +but she found time to look at me with so much of sympathy, humor, +affection, and condescension that I really felt relieved when we +reached the house. I hastily retired to my own room, but before I +had shut the door Helen was with me, and her arms were about my +neck; before the dear old girl removed them we had grown far +nearer to each other than we had ever been before. + +And how gloriously the rest of the day passed off. We had a +delightful little lunch, and Tom brought up a bottle of Roederer, +and Helen didn't remonstrate when he insisted on its being drank +from her finest glasses, and there were toasts drank to "Her" and +"Her Mother," and to the Benedict that was to be. And then Helen +proposed "the makers of the match--Budge and Toddie!" which was +honored with bumpers. The gentlemen toasted did not respond, but +they stared so curiously that I sprang from my chair and kissed +them soundly, upon which Tom and Helen exchanged significant +glances. + +Then Helen walked down to Mrs. Clarkson's boarding-house, all for +the purpose of showing a lady there with a skirt to make over just +how she had seen a similar garment rearranged exquisitely. And +Alice strolled down to the gate with her to say good-by; and they +had so much to talk about that Helen walked Alice nearly to our +house, and then insisted on her coming the rest of the way so she +might be driven home. And then Mike was sent back with a note to +say to Mrs. Mayton that her daughter had been prevailed upon to +stay to evening dinner, but would be sent home under capable +escort. And after dinner was over and the children put to bed, Tom +groaned that he MUST attend a road-board meeting, and Helen begged +us to excuse her just a minute while she ran into the doctor's to +ask how poor Mrs. Brown had been doing, and she consumed three +hours and twenty-five minutes in asking, bless her sympathetic +soul! + +The dreaded ending of my vacation did not cause me as many pangs +as I had expected. Helen wanted to know one evening why, if her +poor, dear Tom could go back and forth to the city to business +every day, her lazy big brother couldn't go back and forth to +Hillcrest daily, if she were to want him as a boarder for the +remainder of the season. Although I had for years inveighed +against the folly of cultivated people leaving the city to find +residences, Helen's argument was unanswerable and I submitted. I +did even more; I purchased a lovely bit of ground (though the deed +stands in Tom's name for the present), and Tom has brought up +several plans of cottage-houses, and every evening they are spread +on the dining-room table, and there gather round them four people, +among whom are a white-goods salesman, and a young lady with the +brightest of eyes and cheeks full of roses and lilies. This +latter-named personage has her own opinions of the merits of all +plans suggested, and insisted that whatever plan IS adopted MUST +have a lovely room to be set apart as the exclusive property of +Helen's boys. Young as these gentlemen are I find frequent +occasions to be frightfully jealous of them, but they are unmoved +by either my frowns or persuasions--artifice alone is able to +prevent their monopolizing the time of an adorable being of whose +society I cannot possibly have too much. She insists that when the +ceremony takes place in December, they shall officiate as +groomsmen, and I have not the slightest doubt that she will carry +her point. In fact, I confess to frequent affectionate advances +toward them myself, and when I retire without first seeking their +room and putting a grateful kiss upon their unconscious lips, my +conscience upbraids me with base ingratitude. To think I might yet +be a hopeless bachelor had it not been for them, is to overflow +with thankfulness to the giver of HELEN'S BABIES. + +THE END. + + +End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of Helen's Babies +by John Habberton + diff --git a/old/babie10.zip b/old/babie10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..d51657d --- /dev/null +++ b/old/babie10.zip |