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diff --git a/42710-h/42710-h.htm b/42710-h/42710-h.htm index de3f7ca..b2ecaa2 100644 --- a/42710-h/42710-h.htm +++ b/42710-h/42710-h.htm @@ -2,7 +2,7 @@ "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> <html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> <head> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=UTF-8" /> <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> <title> The Project Gutenberg eBook of Bizarre, by Lawton Mackall. @@ -181,47 +181,7 @@ cite { font-style:normal; font-variant:small-caps; } </style> </head> <body> - - -<pre> - -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Bizarre, by Lawton Mackall - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - - -Title: Bizarre - -Author: Lawton Mackall - -Illustrator: Lauren Scott - -Release Date: May 13, 2013 [EBook #42710] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BIZARRE *** - - - - -Produced by Neville Allen, Chris Curnow and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive) - - - - - - -</pre> - +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 42710 ***</div> <p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[Cover]</a></span></p> @@ -341,7 +301,7 @@ L. M. <tr><td></td><td></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"><a href="#THE_WRITING_ON_THE_SCREEN">The Writing on the Screen</a></td><td align="right">68</td></tr> <tr><td></td><td></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"><a href="#MUSIQUE_GLACEE">Musique Glacée</a></td><td align="right">72</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#MUSIQUE_GLACEE">Musique Glacée</a></td><td align="right">72</td></tr> <tr><td></td><td></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"><a href="#THE_CARE_OF_THE_HUSBAND">The Care of the Husband</a></td><td align="right">76</td></tr> <tr><td></td><td></td></tr> @@ -368,7 +328,7 @@ L. M. <tr><td></td><td></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"><a href="#HOLIDAY_MISGIVINGS">Holiday Misgivings</a></td><td align="right">116</td></tr> <tr><td></td><td></td></tr> -<tr><td align="left"><a href="#ALL_ALL_ARE_GONE_">All, All Are Gone, The Old Familiar<br /> Façades</a></td><td align="right">121</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><a href="#ALL_ALL_ARE_GONE_">All, All Are Gone, The Old Familiar<br /> Façades</a></td><td align="right">121</td></tr> <tr><td></td><td></td></tr> <tr><td align="left"><a href="#MY_MUSEUM">My Museum</a></td><td align="right">124</td></tr> <tr><td></td><td></td></tr> @@ -474,7 +434,7 @@ deliberately invites them. It is a connoisseur, a discriminating collector.</p> <p>Scorning such vulgarities as paint and pitch, it seeks the exotic, the -outré—amazing stickinesses, bewildering viscosities, undreamed of +outré—amazing stickinesses, bewildering viscosities, undreamed of goos.</p> <p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span></p> @@ -683,7 +643,7 @@ Dunning Street".</p> <p>But I shall not allow it to "take its place among the successful biographies and intimate journals of the season". Distinctly not. It is -for the <em>élite</em> alone. It is to be published on sugar-cured oilskin, the +for the <em>élite</em> alone. It is to be published on sugar-cured oilskin, the edition to be limited to two numbered copies—one for me and one for the ashcan.</p> @@ -943,11 +903,11 @@ of instructor in French at Croton.</p> <p>The following extract gives an inkling of the rare pedagogical value of the book:</p> -<p>Dans le dixième point, avec deux hommes</p> +<p>Dans le dixième point, avec deux hommes</p> <blockquote><p>In the tenth period, with two men</p></blockquote> -<p>sur bases et un sorti, Harburg éventa. Alors</p> +<p>sur bases et un sorti, Harburg éventa. Alors</p> <blockquote><p>on bases and one out, Harburg fanned. Then</p></blockquote> @@ -955,11 +915,11 @@ the book:</p> <blockquote><p>Bill the Walloper picked up his bat and</p></blockquote> -<p>marcha à grands pas à l'assiette. Hank</p> +<p>marcha à grands pas à l'assiette. Hank</p> <blockquote><p>strode to the plate. Hank</p></blockquote> -<p>Harrigan, vrai à ses lauriers de plus grand</p> +<p>Harrigan, vrai à ses lauriers de plus grand</p> <blockquote><p>Harrigan, true to his laurels as the greatest</p></blockquote> @@ -981,11 +941,11 @@ the book:</p> <p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span></p> -<p>deuxième base, mais Brown fut mis en dehors</p> +<p>deuxième base, mais Brown fut mis en dehors</p> <blockquote><p>second base, but Brown was put out</p></blockquote> -<p>au troisième. Alors la cruche mis en dessus</p> +<p>au troisième. Alors la cruche mis en dessus</p> <blockquote><p>at third. Then the pitcher put over</p></blockquote> @@ -993,11 +953,11 @@ the book:</p> <blockquote><p>a spit-ball: strike two. Then came</p></blockquote> -<p>encore deux bals. Le comte était maintenant</p> +<p>encore deux bals. Le comte était maintenant</p> <blockquote><p>two more balls. The count was now</p></blockquote> -<p>trois à deux, et les éventails s'asseyaient sans haleine.</p> +<p>trois à deux, et les éventails s'asseyaient sans haleine.</p> <blockquote><p>three to two, and the fans sat breathless.</p></blockquote> @@ -1009,7 +969,7 @@ the book:</p> <blockquote><p>foul. He followed this with a pop</p></blockquote> -<p>poppeuse, qui l'aurait fini n'eut été un</p> +<p>poppeuse, qui l'aurait fini n'eut été un</p> <blockquote><p>fly, that would have finished him,</p></blockquote> @@ -1017,11 +977,11 @@ the book:</p> <blockquote><p>but for a stupid muff by the catcher.</p></blockquote> -<p>Harrigan devenait grincé, et Cathaway,</p> +<p>Harrigan devenait grincé, et Cathaway,</p> <blockquote><p>Harrigan was becoming rattled, and Cathaway,</p></blockquote> -<p>voiturant de la ligne de côté, lui criait, "Bras</p> +<p>voiturant de la ligne de côté, lui criait, "Bras</p> <blockquote><p>coaching from the side-line, yelled at him, "Glass</p></blockquote> @@ -1031,19 +991,19 @@ the book:</p> <blockquote><p>arm! He's going up! He's going up!" The</p></blockquote> -<p>cruche envoya une goutte facile; Bill débarqua</p> +<p>cruche envoya une goutte facile; Bill débarqua</p> <blockquote><p>pitcher sent an easy drop; Bill landed</p></blockquote> -<p>là-dessus carrément, le menant par-dessus la</p> +<p>là -dessus carrément, le menant par-dessus la</p> <blockquote><p>on it squarely, driving it over the</p></blockquote> -<p>tête de l'arrête-court, loin dans le champ</p> +<p>tête de l'arrête-court, loin dans le champ</p> <blockquote><p>short-stop's head, far into left</p></blockquote> -<p>gauche. C'était un oiseau d'une frappe. Dugan</p> +<p>gauche. C'était un oiseau d'une frappe. Dugan</p> <blockquote><p>field. It was a bird of a hit. Dugan</p></blockquote> @@ -1335,7 +1295,7 @@ pays strict attention gets a hollyhock seed."</p> confess that I have no great fondness for snowy bosoms. I realize that they are generally considered beautiful, and that their virgin whiteness is the embodiment of unyielding purity; and yet I cannot but prefer the -more comfortable <em>negligée</em> shirt.</p> +more comfortable <em>negligée</em> shirt.</p> <p>If only they could be soft-boiled. I would so appreciate a three-minute one. (I know it would sit better on the stomach.) The white could be @@ -1385,7 +1345,7 @@ your kitchen may be transformed into a scientific laboratory. Scores of books by experts on the subject undertake to instruct you how to change your home from a place to live in to a work of art.</p> -<p>Realizing that my abode needed a little toning-up along modern æsthetic +<p>Realizing that my abode needed a little toning-up along modern æsthetic lines, I consulted a book called "The Dwelling Beautiful," which I had been informed would give me just the help I needed. "It is not necessary that your furniture, rugs, hangings, and pictures be <em>expensive</em>," says @@ -1564,7 +1524,7 @@ instructor in penmanship.</p> <hr class="chap" /> -<h2><a name="MUSIQUE_GLACEE" id="MUSIQUE_GLACEE">MUSIQUE GLACÉE</a></h2> +<h2><a name="MUSIQUE_GLACEE" id="MUSIQUE_GLACEE">MUSIQUE GLACÉE</a></h2> <div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"> <img src="images/i_072.png" width="400" alt="Woman eating." /> @@ -1581,7 +1541,7 @@ longer than a sunset;<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73 as flowers, succumb quickly to hunger in the dessert. These crust craftsmen pour forth richness as song-birds do, creating rapture for but a precious moment. If ordinary architecture is "frozen music," then -surely this Gallic refinement of it is "<em>musique glacée</em>".</p> +surely this Gallic refinement of it is "<em>musique glacée</em>".</p> <p>There are many styles, ranging from Perpendicular Gothic to Powdered Rococo—so many, in fact, that one could scarcely hope to masticate them @@ -1592,10 +1552,10 @@ puff, despite the looseness of its design and the unpretentiousness of its exterior, has an interior well worth investigating.</p> <p>Perhaps the most important landmark in all the realm of pastry is the -tradition-hallowed and chocolate-roofed éclair, whose long nave affords +tradition-hallowed and chocolate-roofed éclair, whose long nave affords sanctuary for whipped cream or custard. (Not necessarily <em>chocolate</em>-roofed, however: the eaves may be tinged instead with a soft -patina of <em>café au lait</em>.) This mellow-hued +patina of <em>café au lait</em>.) This mellow-hued <span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span> pile, eminently edible, is cherished by multitudes of devotees.</p> @@ -1631,7 +1591,7 @@ digestion.</p> <p>Frail, ephemeral, created with no thought of permanence; and yet we should hardly enjoy them more if they were built of everlasting marble. The craftsmen who design them, scorning personal glory, do not sign -their works. For theirs is the true æsthetic spirit, so rare in this +their works. For theirs is the true æsthetic spirit, so rare in this commercial age. Their handiwork faithfully bears out the precept "Tart for Tart's Sake".</p> @@ -1714,7 +1674,7 @@ satisfaction of hearing your friends declare he does you credit.</p> responsibilities of wifehood. It cannot be shirked. For while no husband is expected to know anything at marriage (the fact that he got married attests that), he is expected a year or so later to look intelligent -when the lady next to him at dinner discusses Coué and Scriabine, and to +when the lady next to him at dinner discusses Coué and Scriabine, and to know that Gauguin is not something to be got from a bootlegger. For him not to know these things would be a reflection on his home training, or, in other words, his wife. She will be considered negligent<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span> unless she @@ -2534,7 +2494,7 @@ state of pedal nudity.</p> <p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</a></span></p> -<h2><a name="ALL_ALL_ARE_GONE_" id="ALL_ALL_ARE_GONE_">ALL, ALL ARE GONE, THE OLD FAMILIAR FAÇADES</a></h2> +<h2><a name="ALL_ALL_ARE_GONE_" id="ALL_ALL_ARE_GONE_">ALL, ALL ARE GONE, THE OLD FAMILIAR FAÇADES</a></h2> <p>Nowadays when it is hard for the casual observer to distinguish Somebody's Mother from Somebody's Jazz Baby, it is not to be wondered at @@ -3753,7 +3713,7 @@ rousing the sleeping insects, of which there were many.</p> <p>"Oh!" groaned Mrs. Whoffin.</p> -<p>The exodus of Paul's friends proceeded in orderly fashion. "Larvæ and +<p>The exodus of Paul's friends proceeded in orderly fashion. "Larvæ and eggs first," was their order. Carrying their infants upon their backs, they filed out of the subway openings in steady processions.</p> @@ -3837,7 +3797,7 @@ following evening and meet "Mrs. Stockbridge and my daughter." During all the rest of the day the young college-man-learning-how-to-work-in-an-office fairly walked on air, and that night, in his hall bedroom, he went through a sort of -dress-rehearsal of the rôle he hoped to play on the great occasion, +dress-rehearsal of the rôle he hoped to play on the great occasion, resuscitating and donning his evening clothes to make sure that they looked as well as they did when he led the commencement prom six months before, and marshaling all the bons mots he could recollect, in order @@ -3852,7 +3812,7 @@ large as a house, and renting for twice as much.</p> <p>Everything went off splendidly. The boss unbent to a surprising degree, Mrs. Stockbridge was most cordial, and the daughter proved to be a fascinator. What was more, Carrington surpassed himself as a social -light. He told several funny stories with considerable éclat; and +light. He told several funny stories with considerable éclat; and inspired by the thrill of the occasion, even thought up one or two <em>original</em> ones that surprised him as much as they impressed his hosts. When, later in the evening, he played bridge as the daughter's partner, @@ -4002,7 +3962,7 @@ affected his mind, that from that time on the authorities were obliged to keep him in confinement. The above symphony was written on the walls of his cell, from which it was transcribed after his suicide. It depicts the blight of all his hopes, the sorrows of Russia, the drowning of his -fiancée, the height of the steppes, and the agonies of indigestion.</p> +fiancée, the height of the steppes, and the agonies of indigestion.</p> <p>The Allegretti opens with an arabesque tone-poem of somber sweetness, under which strange and varied delights are hidden. Then comes the minor @@ -4013,11 +3973,11 @@ itself,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[Pg 193]</a></span does on top of the Allegretti, the Pistachio, and the Chianti, it is bound to produce a truly tragic finale.</p> -<p>II. <em>Larghetto</em>. This étude is by the conductor. (He thought this would +<p>II. <em>Larghetto</em>. This étude is by the conductor. (He thought this would be a good place to work it in, the orchestra and audience being powerless to restrain him.)</p> -<p>Herr Otto Fédor Ivan Culmbacher was born of noble parents in Hofbräu, +<p>Herr Otto Fédor Ivan Culmbacher was born of noble parents in Hofbräu, Silesia. He was discovered and imported to America by the brilliant patronesses of the Metropolitan Symphony Society.</p> @@ -4283,7 +4243,7 @@ American music-drama, was given for the second time, with the same cast as before.</p> <p>Among those who attended the performance were Mrs. Pierpont Astorbilt, -who wore pale nesserole garnished with soufflée; Mr. and Mrs. +who wore pale nesserole garnished with soufflée; Mr. and Mrs. Plantagenet Carter, the latter in an exquisite creation of blanc-mange; and Mrs. Sibley Harwood-Stevens, in gray limousine, air-cooled with insertion.</p> @@ -4316,18 +4276,18 @@ halls are generally crowded is no excuse for giving so many performances. It is unfair to the critics.</p> <p>Yesterday afternoon, at the concert of the Gotham Symphony Society -Ludwig Käse played that great German master-work, the Leberwurst bassoon +Ludwig Käse played that great German master-work, the Leberwurst bassoon concerto in F-flat major, opus posthumous. ("Posthumous" does not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[Pg 208]</a></span> in this case have its usual meaning of written after the defunction of the composer's brain: it refers to the fact that Leberwurst did not live to publish the work, as his audience lynched him when he played it from manuscript.) This concerto, dedicated to the composer's patron, the deaf old Duke of Pretzelheim, bears the title of "Spring," and this vernal -quality was admirably brought out by Herr Käse, particularly in the +quality was admirably brought out by Herr Käse, particularly in the movement representing influenza. Indeed, it was impossible to hear his sublime sniffulations without being moved to profound coughing.</p> -<p>François Grisé's "Gingerbread Suite," scored for viola, piccolo, +<p>François Grisé's "Gingerbread Suite," scored for viola, piccolo, trombone, and celesta, might have been interesting had it been more of a novelty; but, since it had been heard in New York five times within four years, its performance on this occasion was a mistake.</p> @@ -4405,382 +4365,6 @@ tiaraed dodos who are still on the yell.</p> <hr /> - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Bizarre, by Lawton Mackall - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BIZARRE *** - -***** This file should be named 42710-h.htm or 42710-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/4/2/7/1/42710/ - -Produced by Neville Allen, Chris Curnow and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive) - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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