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diff --git a/old/4268.txt b/old/4268.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..841068e --- /dev/null +++ b/old/4268.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4257 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Cousin Phillis, by Elizabeth Cleghorn Gaskell + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Cousin Phillis + +Author: Elizabeth Cleghorn Gaskell + +Posting Date: July 9, 2009 [EBook #4268] +Release Date: July, 2003 +First Posted: December 26, 2001 +[Last updated: March 4, 2012] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK COUSIN PHILLIS *** + + + + +Produced by Charles Aldarondo. HTML version by Al Haines. + + + + + + + + + +Cousin Phillis + + +by + +Elizabeth Gaskell (1863) + + + + Philip Hermongenes Calderon (1833-98) + Broken Vows (1856) + + + + +PART I + + +It is a great thing for a lad when he is first turned into the +independence of lodgings. I do not think I ever was so satisfied and +proud in my life as when, at seventeen, I sate down in a little +three-cornered room above a pastry-cook's shop in the county town of +Eltham. My father had left me that afternoon, after delivering himself +of a few plain precepts, strongly expressed, for my guidance in the new +course of life on which I was entering. I was to be a clerk under the +engineer who had undertaken to make the little branch line from Eltham +to Hornby. My father had got me this situation, which was in a position +rather above his own in life; or perhaps I should say, above the +station in which he was born and bred; for he was raising himself every +year in men's consideration and respect. He was a mechanic by trade, +but he had some inventive genius, and a great deal of perseverance, and +had devised several valuable improvements in railway machinery. He did +not do this for profit, though, as was reasonable, what came in the +natural course of things was acceptable; he worked out his ideas, +because, as he said, 'until he could put them into shape, they plagued +him by night and by day.' But this is enough about my dear father; it +is a good thing for a country where there are many like him. He was a +sturdy Independent by descent and conviction; and this it was, I +believe, which made him place me in the lodgings at the pastry-cook's. +The shop was kept by the two sisters of our minister at home; and this +was considered as a sort of safeguard to my morals, when I was turned +loose upon the temptations of the county town, with a salary of thirty +pounds a year. + +My father had given up two precious days, and put on his Sunday +clothes, in order to bring me to Eltham, and accompany me first to the +office, to introduce me to my new master (who was under some +obligations to my father for a suggestion), and next to take me to call +on the Independent minister of the little congregation at Eltham. And +then he left me; and though sorry to part with him, I now began to +taste with relish the pleasure of being my own master. I unpacked the +hamper that my mother had provided me with, and smelt the pots of +preserve with all the delight of a possessor who might break into their +contents at any time he pleased. I handled and weighed in my fancy the +home-cured ham, which seemed to promise me interminable feasts; and, +above all, there was the fine savour of knowing that I might eat of +these dainties when I liked, at my sole will, not dependent on the +pleasure of any one else, however indulgent. I stowed my eatables away +in the little corner cupboard--that room was all corners, and +everything was placed in a corner, the fire-place, the window, the +cupboard; I myself seemed to be the only thing in the middle, and there +was hardly room for me. The table was made of a folding leaf under the +window, and the window looked out upon the market-place; so the studies +for the prosecution of which my father had brought himself to pay extra +for a sitting-room for me, ran a considerable chance of being diverted +from books to men and women. I was to have my meals with the two +elderly Miss Dawsons in the little parlour behind the three-cornered +shop downstairs; my breakfasts and dinners at least, for, as my hours +in an evening were likely to be uncertain, my tea or supper was to be +an independent meal. + +Then, after this pride and satisfaction, came a sense of desolation. I +had never been from home before, and I was an only child; and though my +father's spoken maxim had been, 'Spare the rod, and spoil the child', +yet, unconsciously, his heart had yearned after me, and his ways +towards me were more tender than he knew, or would have approved of in +himself could he have known. My mother, who never professed sternness, +was far more severe than my father: perhaps my boyish faults annoyed +her more; for I remember, now that I have written the above words, how +she pleaded for me once in my riper years, when I had really offended +against my father's sense of right. + +But I have nothing to do with that now. It is about cousin Phillis that +I am going to write, and as yet I am far enough from even saying who +cousin Phillis was. + +For some months after I was settled in Eltham, the new employment in +which I was engaged--the new independence of my life--occupied all my +thoughts. I was at my desk by eight o'clock, home to dinner at one, +back at the office by two. The afternoon work was more uncertain than +the morning's; it might be the same, or it might be that I had to +accompany Mr Holdsworth, the managing engineer, to some point on the +line between Eltham and Hornby. This I always enjoyed, because of the +variety, and because of the country we traversed (which was very wild +and pretty), and because I was thrown into companionship with Mr +Holdsworth, who held the position of hero in my boyish mind. He was a +young man of five-and-twenty or so, and was in a station above mine, +both by birth and education; and he had travelled on the Continent, and +wore mustachios and whiskers of a somewhat foreign fashion. I was proud +of being seen with him. He was really a fine fellow in a good number of +ways, and I might have fallen into much worse hands. + +Every Saturday I wrote home, telling of my weekly doings--my father had +insisted upon this; but there was so little variety in my life that I +often found it hard work to fill a letter. On Sundays I went twice to +chapel, up a dark narrow entry, to hear droning hymns, and long +prayers, and a still longer sermon, preached to a small congregation, +of which I was, by nearly a score of years, the youngest member. +Occasionally, Mr Peters, the minister, would ask me home to tea after +the second service. I dreaded the honour, for I usually sate on the +edge of my chair all the evening, and answered solemn questions, put in +a deep bass voice, until household prayer-time came, at eight o'clock, +when Mrs Peters came in, smoothing down her apron, and the +maid-of-all-work followed, and first a sermon, and then a chapter was +read, and a long impromptu prayer followed, till some instinct told Mr +Peters that supper-time had come, and we rose from our knees with +hunger for our predominant feeling. Over supper the minister did unbend +a little into one or two ponderous jokes, as if to show me that +ministers were men, after all. And then at ten o'clock I went home, and +enjoyed my long-repressed yawns in the three-cornered room before going +to bed. Dinah and Hannah Dawson, so their names were put on the board +above the shop-door--I always called them Miss Dawson and Miss +Hannah--considered these visits of mine to Mr Peters as the greatest +honour a young man could have; and evidently thought that if after such +privileges, I did not work out my salvation, I was a sort of modern +Judas Iscariot. On the contrary, they shook their heads over my +intercourse with Mr Holdsworth. He had been so kind to me in many ways, +that when I cut into my ham, I hovered over the thought of asking him +to tea in my room, more especially as the annual fair was being held in +Eltham market-place, and the sight of the booths, the merry-go-rounds, +the wild-beast shows, and such country pomps, was (as I thought at +seventeen) very attractive. But when I ventured to allude to my wish in +even distant terms, Miss Hannah caught me up, and spoke of the +sinfulness of such sights, and something about wallowing in the mire, +and then vaulted into France, and spoke evil of the nation, and all who +had ever set foot therein, till, seeing that her anger was +concentrating itself into a point, and that that point was Mr +Holdsworth, I thought it would be better to finish my breakfast, and +make what haste I could out of the sound of her voice. I rather +wondered afterwards to hear her and Miss Dawson counting up their +weekly profits with glee, and saying that a pastry-cook's shop in the +corner of the market-place, in Eltham fair week, was no such bad thing. +However, I never ventured to ask Mr Holdsworth to my lodgings. + +There is not much to tell about this first year of mine at Eltham. But +when I was nearly nineteen, and beginning to think of whiskers on my +own account, I came to know cousin Phillis, whose very existence had +been unknown to me till then. Mr Holdsworth and I had been out to +Heathbridge for a day, working hard. Heathbridge was near Hornby, for +our line of railway was above half finished. Of course, a day's outing +was a great thing to tell about in my weekly letters; and I fell to +describing the country--a fault I was not often guilty of. I told my +father of the bogs, all over wild myrtle and soft moss, and shaking +ground over which we had to carry our line; and how Mr Holdsworth and I +had gone for our mid-day meals--for we had to stay here for two days +and a night--to a pretty village hard by, Heathbridge proper; and how I +hoped we should often have to go there, for the shaking, uncertain +ground was puzzling our engineers--one end of the line going up as soon +as the other was weighted down. (I had no thought for the shareholders' +interests, as may be seen; we had to make a new line on firmer ground +before the junction railway was completed.) I told all this at great +length, thankful to fill up my paper. By return letter, I heard that a +second-cousin of my mother's was married to the Independent minister of +Hornby, Ebenezer Holman by name, and lived at Heathbridge proper; the +very Heathbridge I had described, or so my mother believed, for she had +never seen her cousin Phillis Green, who was something of an heiress +(my father believed), being her father's only child, and old Thomas +Green had owned an estate of near upon fifty acres, which must have +come to his daughter. My mother's feeling of kinship seemed to have +been strongly stirred by the mention of Heathbridge; for my father said +she desired me, if ever I went thither again, to make inquiry for the +Reverend Ebenezer Holman; and if indeed he lived there, I was further +to ask if he had not married one Phillis Green; and if both these +questions were answered in the affirmative, I was to go and introduce +myself as the only child of Margaret Manning, born Moneypenny. I was +enraged at myself for having named Heathbridge at all, when I found +what it was drawing down upon me. One Independent minister, as I said +to myself, was enough for any man; and here I knew (that is to say, I +had been catechized on Sabbath mornings by) Mr Dawson, our minister at +home; and I had had to be civil to old Peters at Eltham, and behave +myself for five hours running whenever he asked me to tea at his house; +and now, just as I felt the free air blowing about me up at +Heathbridge, I was to ferret out another minister, and I should perhaps +have to be catechized by him, or else asked to tea at his house. +Besides, I did not like pushing myself upon strangers, who perhaps had +never heard of my mother's name, and such an odd name as it +was--Moneypenny; and if they had, had never cared more for her than she +had for them, apparently, until this unlucky mention of Heathbridge. +Still, I would not disobey my parents in such a trifle, however irksome +it might be. So the next time our business took me to Heathbridge, and +we were dining in the little sanded inn-parlour, I took the opportunity +of Mr Holdsworth's being out of the room, and asked the questions which +I was bidden to ask of the rosy-cheeked maid. I was either +unintelligible or she was stupid; for she said she did not know, but +would ask master; and of course the landlord came in to understand what +it was I wanted to know; and I had to bring out all my stammering +inquiries before Mr Holdsworth, who would never have attended to them, +I dare say, if I had not blushed, and blundered, and made such a fool +of myself. + +'Yes,' the landlord said, 'the Hope Farm was in Heathbridge proper, and +the owner's name was Holman, and he was an Independent minister, and, +as far as the landlord could tell, his wife's Christian name was +Phillis, anyhow her maiden name was Green.' + +'Relations of yours?' asked Mr Holdsworth. + +'No, sir--only my mother's second-cousins. Yes, I suppose they are +relations. But I never saw them in my life.' + +'The Hope Farm is not a stone's throw from here,' said the officious +landlord, going to the window. 'If you carry your eye over yon bed of +hollyhocks, over the damson-trees in the orchard yonder, you may see a +stack of queer-like stone chimneys. Them is the Hope Farm chimneys; +it's an old place, though Holman keeps it in good order.' + +Mr Holdsworth had risen from the table with more promptitude than I +had, and was standing by the window, looking. At the landlord's last +words, he turned round, smiling,--'It is not often that parsons know +how to keep land in order, is it?' + +'Beg pardon, sir, but I must speak as I find; and Minister Holman--we +call the Church clergyman here "parson," sir; he would be a bit jealous +if he heard a Dissenter called parson--Minister Holman knows what he's +about as well as e'er a farmer in the neighbourhood. He gives up five +days a week to his own work, and two to the Lord's; and it is difficult +to say which he works hardest at. He spends Saturday and Sunday +a-writing sermons and a-visiting his flock at Hornby; and at five +o'clock on Monday morning he'll be guiding his plough in the Hope Farm +yonder just as well as if he could neither read nor write. But your +dinner will be getting cold, gentlemen.' + +So we went back to table. After a while, Mr Holdsworth broke the +silence:--'If I were you, Manning, I'd look up these relations of +yours. You can go and see what they're like while we're waiting for +Dobson's estimates, and I'll smoke a cigar in the garden meanwhile.' + +'Thank you, sir. But I don't know them, and I don't think I want to +know them.' + +'What did you ask all those questions for, then?' said he, looking +quickly up at me. He had no notion of doing or saying things without a +purpose. I did not answer, so he continued,--'Make up your mind, and go +off and see what this farmer-minister is like, and come back and tell +me--I should like to hear.' + +I was so in the habit of yielding to his authority, or influence, that +I never thought of resisting, but went on my errand, though I remember +feeling as if I would rather have had my head cut off. The landlord, +who had evidently taken an interest in the event of our discussion in a +way that country landlords have, accompanied me to the house-door, and +gave me repeated directions, as if I was likely to miss my way in two +hundred yards. But I listened to him, for I was glad of the delay, to +screw up my courage for the effort of facing unknown people and +introducing myself. I went along the lane, I recollect, switching at +all the taller roadside weeds, till, after a turn or two, I found +myself close in front of the Hope Farm. There was a garden between the +house and the shady, grassy lane; I afterwards found that this garden +was called the court; perhaps because there was a low wall round it, +with an iron railing on the top of the wall, and two great gates +between pillars crowned with stone balls for a state entrance to the +flagged path leading up to the front door. It was not the habit of the +place to go in either by these great gates or by the front door; the +gates, indeed, were locked, as I found, though the door stood wide +open. I had to go round by a side-path lightly worn on a broad grassy +way, which led past the court-wall, past a horse-mount, half covered +with stone-crop and the little wild yellow fumitory, to another +door--'the curate', as I found it was termed by the master of the +house, while the front door, 'handsome and all for show', was termed +the 'rector'. I knocked with my hand upon the 'curate' door; a tall +girl, about my own age, as I thought, came and opened it, and stood +there silent, waiting to know my errand. I see her now--cousin Phillis. +The westering sun shone full upon her, and made a slanting stream of +light into the room within. She was dressed in dark blue cotton of some +kind; up to her throat, down to her wrists, with a little frill of the +same wherever it touched her white skin. And such a white skin as it +was! I have never seen the like. She had light hair, nearer yellow than +any other colour. She looked me steadily in the face with large, quiet +eyes, wondering, but untroubled by the sight of a stranger. I thought +it odd that so old, so full-grown as she was, she should wear a +pinafore over her gown. + +Before I had quite made up my mind what to say in reply to her mute +inquiry of what I wanted there, a woman's voice called out, 'Who is it, +Phillis? If it is any one for butter-milk send them round to the back +door.' + +I thought I could rather speak to the owner of that voice than to the +girl before me; so I passed her, and stood at the entrance of a room +hat in hand, for this side-door opened straight into the hall or +house-place where the family sate when work was done. There was a brisk +little woman of forty or so ironing some huge muslin cravats under the +light of a long vine-shaded casement window. She looked at me +distrustfully till I began to speak. 'My name is Paul Manning,' said I; +but I saw she did not know the name. 'My mother's name was Moneypenny,' +said I,--'Margaret Moneypenny.' + +'And she married one John Manning, of Birmingham,' said Mrs Holman, +eagerly. + +'And you'll be her son. Sit down! I am right glad to see you. To think +of your being Margaret's son! Why, she was almost a child not so long +ago. Well, to be sure, it is five-and-twenty years ago. And what brings +you into these parts?' + +She sate down herself, as if oppressed by her curiosity as to all the +five-and-twenty years that had passed by since she had seen my mother. +Her daughter Phillis took up her knitting--a long grey worsted man's +stocking, I remember--and knitted away without looking at her work. I +felt that the steady gaze of those deep grey eyes was upon me, though +once, when I stealthily raised mine to hers, she was examining +something on the wall above my head. + +When I had answered all my cousin Holman's questions, she heaved a long +breath, and said, 'To think of Margaret Moneypenny's boy being in our +house! I wish the minister was here. Phillis, in what field is thy +father to-day?' + +'In the five-acre; they are beginning to cut the corn.' + +'He'll not like being sent for, then, else I should have liked you to +have seen the minister. But the five-acre is a good step off. You shall +have a glass of wine and a bit of cake before you stir from this house, +though. You're bound to go, you say, or else the minister comes in +mostly when the men have their four o'clock.' + +'I must go--I ought to have been off before now.' + +'Here, then, Phillis, take the keys.' She gave her daughter some +whispered directions, and Phillis left the room. + +'She is my cousin, is she not?' I asked. I knew she was, but somehow I +wanted to talk of her, and did not know how to begin. + +'Yes--Phillis Holman. She is our only child--now.' + +Either from that 'now', or from a strange momentary wistfulness in her +eyes, I knew that there had been more children, who were now dead. + +'How old is cousin Phillis?' said I, scarcely venturing on the new +name, it seemed too prettily familiar for me to call her by it; but +cousin Holman took no notice of it, answering straight to the purpose. + +'Seventeen last May-day; but the minister does not like to hear me +calling it May-day,' said she, checking herself with a little awe. +'Phillis was seventeen on the first day of May last,' she repeated in +an emended edition. + +'And I am nineteen in another month,' thought I, to myself; I don't +know why. Then Phillis came in, carrying a tray with wine and cake upon +it. + +'We keep a house-servant,' said cousin Holman, 'but it is churning day, +and she is busy.' It was meant as a little proud apology for her +daughter's being the handmaiden. + +'I like doing it, mother,' said Phillis, in her grave, full voice. + +I felt as if I were somebody in the Old Testament--who, I could not +recollect--being served and waited upon by the daughter of the host. +Was I like Abraham's servant, when Rebekah gave him to drink at the +well? I thought Isaac had not gone the pleasantest way to work in +winning him a wife. But Phillis never thought about such things. She +was a stately, gracious young woman, in the dress and with the +simplicity of a child. + +As I had been taught, I drank to the health of my newfound cousin and +her husband; and then I ventured to name my cousin Phillis with a +little bow of my head towards her; but I was too awkward to look and +see how she took my compliment. 'I must go now,' said I, rising. + +Neither of the women had thought of sharing in the wine; cousin Holman +had broken a bit of cake for form's sake. + +'I wish the minister had been within,' said his wife, rising too. +Secretly I was very glad he was not. I did not take kindly to ministers +in those days, and I thought he must be a particular kind of man, by +his objecting to the term May-day. But before I went, cousin Holman +made me promise that I would come back on the Saturday following and +spend Sunday with them; when I should see something of 'the minister'. + +'Come on Friday, if you can,' were her last words as she stood at the +curate-door, shading her eyes from the sinking sun with her hand. +Inside the house sate cousin Phillis, her golden hair, her dazzling +complexion, lighting up the corner of the vine-shadowed room. She had +not risen when I bade her good-by; she had looked at me straight as she +said her tranquil words of farewell. + +I found Mr Holdsworth down at the line, hard at work superintending. As +soon as he had a pause, he said, 'Well, Manning, what are the new +cousins like? How do preaching and farming seem to get on together? If +the minister turns out to be practical as well as reverend, I shall +begin to respect him.' + +But he hardly attended to my answer, he was so much more occupied with +directing his work-people. Indeed, my answer did not come very readily; +and the most distinct part of it was the mention of the invitation that +had been given me. + +'Oh, of course you can go--and on Friday, too, if you like; there is no +reason why not this week; and you've done a long spell of work this +time, old fellow.' I thought that I did not want to go on Friday; but +when the day came, I found that I should prefer going to staying away, +so I availed myself of Mr Holdsworth's permission, and went over to +Hope Farm some time in the afternoon, a little later than my last +visit. I found the 'curate' open to admit the soft September air, so +tempered by the warmth of the sun, that it was warmer out of doors than +in, although the wooden log lay smouldering in front of a heap of hot +ashes on the hearth. The vine-leaves over the window had a tinge more +yellow, their edges were here and there scorched and browned; there was +no ironing about, and cousin Holman sate just outside the house, +mending a shirt. Phillis was at her knitting indoors: it seemed as if +she had been at it all the week. The manyspeckled fowls were pecking +about in the farmyard beyond, and the milk-cans glittered with +brightness, hung out to sweeten. The court was so full of flowers that +they crept out upon the low-covered wall and horse-mount, and were even +to be found self-sown upon the turf that bordered the path to the back +of the house. I fancied that my Sunday coat was scented for days +afterwards by the bushes of sweetbriar and the fraxinella that perfumed +the air. From time to time cousin Holman put her hand into a covered +basket at her feet, and threw handsful of corn down for the pigeons +that cooed and fluttered in the air around, in expectation of this +treat. + +I had a thorough welcome as soon as she saw me. 'Now this is kind--this +is right down friendly,' shaking my hand warmly. 'Phillis, your cousin +Manning is come!' + +'Call me Paul, will you?' said I; 'they call me so at home, and Manning +in the office.' + +'Well, Paul, then. Your room is all ready for you, Paul, for, as I said +to the minister, "I'll have it ready whether he comes on Friday or +not." And the minister said he must go up to the Ashfield whether you +were to come or not; but he would come home betimes to see if you were +here. I'll show you to your room, and you can wash the dust off a bit.' + +After I came down, I think she did not quite know what to do with me; +or she might think that I was dull; or she might have work to do in +which I hindered her; for she called Phillis, and bade her put on her +bonnet, and go with me to the Ashfield, and find father. So we set off, +I in a little flutter of a desire to make myself agreeable, but wishing +that my companion were not quite so tall; for she was above me in +height. While I was wondering how to begin our conversation, she took +up the words. + +'I suppose, cousin Paul, you have to be very busy at your work all day +long in general.' + +'Yes, we have to be in the office at half-past eight; and we have an +hour for dinner, and then we go at it again till eight or nine.' + +'Then you have not much time for reading.' + +'No,' said I, with a sudden consciousness that I did not make the most +of what leisure I had. + +'No more have I. Father always gets an hour before going a-field in the +mornings, but mother does not like me to get up so early.' + +'My mother is always wanting me to get up earlier when I am at home.' + +'What time do you get up?' + +'Oh!--ah!--sometimes half-past six: not often though;' for I remembered +only twice that I had done so during the past summer. + +She turned her head and looked at me. + +'Father is up at three; and so was mother till she was ill. I should +like to be up at four.' + +'Your father up at three! Why, what has he to do at that hour?' + +'What has he not to do? He has his private exercise in his own room; he +always rings the great bell which calls the men to milking; he rouses +up Betty, our maid; as often as not he gives the horses their feed +before the man is up--for Jem, who takes care of the horses, is an old +man; and father is always loth to disturb him; he looks at the calves, +and the shoulders, heels, traces, chaff, and corn before the horses go +a-field; he has often to whip-cord the plough-whips; he sees the hogs +fed; he looks into the swill-tubs, and writes his orders for what is +wanted for food for man and beast; yes, and for fuel, too. And then, if +he has a bit of time to spare, he comes in and reads with me--but only +English; we keep Latin for the evenings, that we may have time to enjoy +it; and then he calls in the men to breakfast, and cuts the boys' bread +and cheese; and sees their wooden bottles filled, and sends them off to +their work;--and by this time it is half-past six, and we have our +breakfast. There is father,' she exclaimed, pointing out to me a man in +his shirt-sleeves, taller by the head than the other two with whom he +was working. We only saw him through the leaves of the ash-trees +growing in the hedge, and I thought I must be confusing the figures, or +mistaken: that man still looked like a very powerful labourer, and had +none of the precise demureness of appearance which I had always +imagined was the characteristic of a minister. It was the Reverend +Ebenezer Holman, however. He gave us a nod as we entered the +stubble-field; and I think he would have come to meet us but that he +was in the middle of giving some directions to his men. I could see +that Phillis was built more after his type than her mother's. He, like +his daughter, was largely made, and of a fair, ruddy complexion, +whereas hers was brilliant and delicate. His hair had been yellow or +sandy, but now was grizzled. Yet his grey hairs betokened no failure in +strength. I never saw a more powerful man--deep chest, lean flanks, +well-planted head. By this time we were nearly up to him; and he +interrupted himself and stepped forwards; holding out his hand to me, +but addressing Phillis. + +'Well, my lass, this is cousin Manning, I suppose. Wait a minute, young +man, and I'll put on my coat, and give you a decorous and formal +welcome. But--Ned Hall, there ought to be a water-furrow across this +land: it's a nasty, stiff, clayey, dauby bit of ground, and thou and I +must fall to, come next Monday--I beg your pardon, cousin Manning--and +there's old Jem's cottage wants a bit of thatch; you can do that job +to-morrow while I am busy.' Then, suddenly changing the tone of his deep +bass voice to an odd suggestion of chapels and preachers, he added. +'Now, I will give out the psalm, "Come all harmonious tongues", to be +sung to "Mount Ephraim" tune.' + +He lifted his spade in his hand, and began to beat time with it; the +two labourers seemed to know both words and music, though I did not; +and so did Phillis: her rich voice followed her father's as he set the +tune; and the men came in with more uncertainty, but still +harmoniously. Phillis looked at me once or twice with a little surprise +at my silence; but I did not know the words. There we five stood, +bareheaded, excepting Phillis, in the tawny stubble-field, from which +all the shocks of corn had not yet been carried--a dark wood on one +side, where the woodpigeons were cooing; blue distance seen through the +ash-trees on the other. Somehow, I think that if I had known the words, +and could have sung, my throat would have been choked up by the feeling +of the unaccustomed scene. + +The hymn was ended, and the men had drawn off before I could stir. I +saw the minister beginning to put on his coat, and looking at me with +friendly inspection in his gaze, before I could rouse myself. + +'I dare say you railway gentlemen don't wind up the day with singing a +psalm together,' said he; 'but it is not a bad practice--not a bad +practice. We have had it a bit earlier to-day for hospitality's +sake--that's all.' + +I had nothing particular to say to this, though I was thinking a great +deal. From time to time I stole a look at my companion. His coat was +black, and so was his waistcoat; neckcloth he had none, his strong full +throat being bare above the snow-white shirt. He wore drab-coloured +knee-breeches, grey worsted stockings (I thought I knew the maker), and +strong-nailed shoes. He carried his hat in his hand, as if he liked to +feel the coming breeze lifting his hair. After a while, I saw that the +father took hold of the daughter's hand, and so, they holding each +other, went along towards home. We had to cross a lane. In it were two +little children, one lying prone on the grass in a passion of crying, +the other standing stock still, with its finger in its mouth, the large +tears slowly rolling down its cheeks for sympathy. The cause of their +distress was evident; there was a broken brown pitcher, and a little +pool of spilt milk on the road. + +'Hollo! Hollo! What's all this?' said the minister. 'Why, what have you +been about, Tommy,' lifting the little petticoated lad, who was lying +sobbing, with one vigorous arm. Tommy looked at him with surprise in +his round eyes, but no affright--they were evidently old acquaintances. + +'Mammy's jug!' said he, at last, beginning to cry afresh. + +'Well! and will crying piece mammy's jug, or pick up spilt milk? How +did you manage it, Tommy?' + +'He' (jerking his head at the other) 'and me was running races.' + +'Tommy said he could beat me,' put in the other. + +'Now, I wonder what will make you two silly lads mind, and not run +races again with a pitcher of milk between you,' said the minister, as +if musing. 'I might flog you, and so save mammy the trouble; for I dare +say she'll do it if I don't.' The fresh burst of whimpering from both +showed the probability of this. + +'Or I might take you to the Hope Farm, and give you some more milk; but +then you'd be running races again, and my milk would follow that to the +ground, and make another white pool. I think the flogging would be +best--don't you?' + +'We would never run races no more,' said the elder of the two. + +'Then you'd not be boys; you'd be angels.' + +'No, we shouldn't.' + +'Why not?' + +They looked into each other's eyes for an answer to this puzzling +question. At length, one said, 'Angels is dead folk.' + +'Come; we'll not get too deep into theology. What do you think of my +lending you a tin can with a lid to carry the milk home in? That would +not break, at any rate; though I would not answer for the milk not +spilling if you ran races. That's it!' + +He had dropped his daughter's hand, and now held out each of his to the +little fellows. Phillis and I followed, and listened to the prattle +which the minister's companions now poured out to him, and which he was +evidently enjoying. At a certain point, there was a sudden burst of the +tawny, ruddy-evening landscape. The minister turned round and quoted a +line or two of Latin. + +'It's wonderful,' said he, 'how exactly Virgil has hit the enduring +epithets, nearly two thousand years ago, and in Italy; and yet how it +describes to a T what is now lying before us in the parish of +Heathbridge, county ----, England.' + +'I dare say it does,' said I, all aglow with shame, for I had forgotten +the little Latin I ever knew. + +The minister shifted his eyes to Phillis's face; it mutely gave him +back the sympathetic appreciation that I, in my ignorance, could not +bestow. + +'Oh! this is worse than the catechism,' thought I; 'that was only +remembering words.' + +'Phillis, lass, thou must go home with these lads, and tell their +mother all about the race and the milk. Mammy must always know the +truth,' now speaking to the children. 'And tell her, too, from me that +I have got the best birch rod in the parish; and that if she ever +thinks her children want a flogging she must bring them to me, and, if +I think they deserve it, I'll give it them better than she can.' So +Phillis led the children towards the dairy, somewhere in the back yard, +and I followed the minister in through the 'curate' into the +house-place. 'Their mother,' said he, 'is a bit of a vixen, and apt to +punish her children without rhyme or reason. I try to keep the parish +rod as well as the parish bull.' + +He sate down in the three-cornered chair by the fire-side, and looked +around the empty room. + +'Where's the missus?' said he to himself. But she was there in a minute; +it was her regular plan to give him his welcome home--by a look, by a +touch, nothing more--as soon as she could after his return, and he +had missed her now. Regardless of my presence, he went over the day's +doings to her; and then, getting up, he said he must go and make +himself 'reverend', and that then we would have a cup of tea in the +parlour. The parlour was a large room with two casemented windows on +the other side of the broad flagged passage leading from the +rector-door to the wide staircase, with its shallow, polished oaken +steps, on which no carpet was ever laid. The parlour-floor was covered +in the middle by a home-made carpeting of needlework and list. One or +two quaint family pictures of the Holman family hung round the walls; +the fire-grate and irons were much ornamented with brass; and on a +table against the wall between the windows, a great beau-pot of flowers +was placed upon the folio volumes of Matthew Henry's Bible. It was a +compliment to me to use this room, and I tried to be grateful for it; +but we never had our meals there after that first day, and I was glad +of it; for the large house-place, living room, dining-room, whichever +you might like to call it, was twice as comfortable and cheerful. There +was a rug in front of the great large fire-place, and an oven by the +grate, and a crook, with the kettle hanging from it, over the bright +wood-fire; everything that ought to be black and polished in that room +was black and Polished; and the flags, and window-curtains, and such +things as were to be white and clean, were just spotless in their +purity. Opposite to the fire-place, extending the whole length of the +room, was an oaken shovel-board, with the right incline for a skilful +player to send the weights into the prescribed space. There were +baskets of white work about, and a small shelf of books hung against +the wall, books used for reading, and not for propping up a beau-pot of +flowers. I took down one or two of those books once when I was left +alone in the house-place on the first evening--Virgil, Caesar, a Greek +grammar--oh, dear! ah, me! and Phillis Holman's name in each of them! I +shut them up, and put them back in their places, and walked as far away +from the bookshelf as I could. Yes, and I gave my cousin Phillis a wide +berth, as though she was sitting at her work quietly enough, and her +hair was looking more golden, her dark eyelashes longer, her round +pillar of a throat whiter than ever. We had done tea, and we had +returned into the house-place that the minister might smoke his pipe +without fear of contaminating the drab damask window-curtains of the +parlour. He had made himself 'reverend' by putting on one of the +voluminous white muslin neckcloths that I had seen cousin Holman +ironing that first visit I had paid to the Hope Farm, and by making one +or two other unimportant changes in his dress. He sate looking steadily +at me, but whether he saw me or not I cannot tell. At the time I +fancied that he did, and was gauging me in some unknown fashion in his +secret mind. Every now and then he took his pipe out of his mouth, +knocked out the ashes, and asked me some fresh question. As long as +these related to my acquirements or my reading, I shuffled uneasily and +did not know what to answer. By-and-by he got round to the more +practical subject of railroads, and on this I was more at home. I +really had taken an interest in my work; nor would Mr Holdsworth, +indeed, have kept me in his employment if I had not given my mind as +well as my time to it; and I was, besides, full of the difficulties +which beset us just then, owing to our not being able to find a steady +bottom on the Heathbridge moss, over which we wished to carry our line. +In the midst of all my eagerness in speaking about this, I could not +help being struck with the extreme pertinence of his questions. I do +not mean that he did not show ignorance of many of the details of +engineering: that was to have been expected; but on the premises he had +got hold of; he thought clearly and reasoned logically. Phillis--so +like him as she was both in body and mind--kept stopping at her work +and looking at me, trying to fully understand all that I said. I felt +she did; and perhaps it made me take more pains in using clear +expressions, and arranging my words, than I otherwise should. + +'She shall see I know something worth knowing, though it mayn't be her +dead-and-gone languages,' thought I. + +'I see,' said the minister, at length. 'I understand it all. You've a +clear, good head of your own, my lad,--choose how you came by it.' + +'From my father,' said I, proudly. 'Have you not heard of his discovery +of a new method of shunting? It was in the Gazette. It was patented. I +thought every one had heard of Manning's patent winch.' + +'We don't know who invented the alphabet,' said he, half smiling, and +taking up his pipe. + +'No, I dare say not, sir,' replied I, half offended; 'that's so long +ago.' Puff--puff--puff. + +'But your father must be a notable man. I heard of him once before; and +it is not many a one fifty miles away whose fame reaches Heathbridge.' + +'My father is a notable man, sir. It is not me that says so; it is Mr +Holdsworth, and--and everybody.' + +'He is right to stand up for his father,' said cousin Holman, as if she +were pleading for me. + +I chafed inwardly, thinking that my father needed no one to stand up +for him. He was man sufficient for himself. + +'Yes--he is right,' said the minister, placidly. 'Right, because it +comes from his heart--right, too, as I believe, in point of fact. Else +there is many a young cockerel that will stand upon a dunghill and crow +about his father, by way of making his own plumage to shine. I should +like to know thy father,' he went on, turning straight to me, with a +kindly, frank look in his eyes. + +But I was vexed, and would take no notice. Presently, having finished +his pipe, he got up and left the room. Phillis put her work hastily +down, and went after him. In a minute or two she returned, and sate +down again. Not long after, and before I had quite recovered my good +temper, he opened the door out of which he had passed, and called to me +to come to him. I went across a narrow stone passage into a strange, +many-cornered room, not ten feet in area, part study, part counting +house, looking into the farm-yard; with a desk to sit at, a desk to +stand at, a Spittoon, a set of shelves with old divinity books upon +them; another, smaller, filled with books on farriery, farming, +manures, and such subjects, with pieces of paper containing memoranda +stuck against the whitewashed walls with wafers, nails, pins, anything +that came readiest to hand; a box of carpenter's tools on the floor, +and some manuscripts in short-hand on the desk. + +He turned round, half laughing. 'That foolish girl of mine thinks I +have vexed you'--putting his large, powerful hand on my shoulder. +'"Nay," says I, "kindly meant is kindly taken"--is it not so?' + +'It was not quite, sir,' replied I, vanquished by his manner; 'but it +shall be in future.' + +'Come, that's right. You and I shall be friends. Indeed, it's not many +a one I would bring in here. But I was reading a book this morning, and +I could not make it out; it is a book that was left here by mistake one +day; I had subscribed to Brother Robinson's sermons; and I was glad to +see this instead of them, for sermons though they be, they're . . . +well, never mind! I took 'em both, and made my old coat do a bit +longer; but all's fish that comes to my net. I have fewer books than +leisure to read them, and I have a prodigious big appetite. Here it is.' + +It was a volume of stiff mechanics, involving many technical terms, and +some rather deep mathematics. These last, which would have puzzled me, +seemed easy enough to him; all that he wanted was the explanations of +the technical words, which I could easily give. + +While he was looking through the book to find the places where he had +been puzzled, my wandering eye caught on some of the papers on the +wall, and I could not help reading one, which has stuck by me ever +since. At first, it seemed a kind of weekly diary; but then I saw that +the seven days were portioned out for special prayers and +intercessions: Monday for his family, Tuesday for enemies, Wednesday +for the Independent churches, Thursday for all other churches, Friday +for persons afflicted, Saturday for his own soul, Sunday for all +wanderers and sinners, that they might be brought home to the fold. + +We were called back into the house-place to have supper. A door opening +into the kitchen was opened; and all stood up in both rooms, while the +minister, tall, large, one hand resting on the spread table, the other +lifted up, said, in the deep voice that would have been loud had it not +been so full and rich, but without the peculiar accent or twang that I +believe is considered devout by some people, 'Whether we eat or drink, +or whatsoever we do, let us do all to the glory of God.' + +The supper was an immense meat-pie. We of the house-place were helped +first; then the minister hit the handle of his buck-horn carving-knife +on the table once, and said,-- + +'Now or never,' which meant, did any of us want any more; and when we +had all declined, either by silence or by words, he knocked twice with +his knife on the table, and Betty came in through the open door, and +carried off the great dish to the kitchen, where an old man and a young +one, and a help-girl, were awaiting their meal. + +'Shut the door, if you will,' said the minister to Betty. + +'That's in honour of you,' said cousin Holman, in a tone of +satisfaction, as the door was shut. 'When we've no stranger with us, +the minister is so fond of keeping the door open, and talking to the +men and maids, just as much as to Phillis and me. + +'It brings us all together like a household just before we meet as a +household in prayer,' said he, in explanation. 'But to go back to what +we were talking about--can you tell me of any simple book on dynamics +that I could put in my pocket, and study a little at leisure times in +the day?' + +'Leisure times, father?' said Phillis, with a nearer approach to a +smile than I had yet seen on her face. + +'Yes; leisure times, daughter. There is many an odd minute lost in +waiting for other folk; and now that railroads are coming so near us, +it behoves us to know something about them.' + +I thought of his own description of his 'prodigious big appetite' for +learning. And he had a good appetite of his own for the more material +victual before him. But I saw, or fancied I saw, that he had some rule +for himself in the matter both of food and drink. + +As soon as supper was done the household assembled for prayer. It was a +long impromptu evening prayer; and it would have seemed desultory +enough had I not had a glimpse of the kind of day that preceded it, and +so been able to find a clue to the thoughts that preceded the +disjointed utterances; for he kept there kneeling down in the centre of +a circle, his eyes shut, his outstretched hands pressed palm to +palm--sometimes with a long pause of silence was anything else he +wished to 'lay before the Lord! (to use his own expression)--before he +concluded with the blessing. He prayed for the cattle and live +creatures, rather to my surprise; for my attention had begun to wander, +till it was recalled by the familiar words. + +And here I must not forget to name an odd incident at the conclusion of +the prayer, and before we had risen from our knees (indeed before Betty +was well awake, for she made a practice of having a sound nap, her +weary head lying on her stalwart arms); the minister, still kneeling in +our midst, but with his eyes wide open, and his arms dropped by his +side, spoke to the elder man, who turned round on his knees to attend. +'John, didst see that Daisy had her warm mash to-night; for we must not +neglect the means, John--two quarts of gruel, a spoonful of ginger, and +a gill of beer--the poor beast needs it, and I fear it slipped out of +my mind to tell thee; and here was I asking a blessing and neglecting +the means, which is a mockery,' said he, dropping his voice. + +Before we went to bed he told me he should see little or nothing more of +me during my visit, which was to end on Sunday evening, as he always +gave up both Saturday and Sabbath to his work in the ministry. I +remembered that the landlord at the inn had told me this on the day when +I first inquired about these new relations of mine; and I did not +dislike the opportunity which I saw would be afforded me of becoming +more acquainted with cousin Holman and Phillis, though I earnestly hoped +that the latter would not attack me on the subject of the dead +languages. + +I went to bed, and dreamed that I was as tall as cousin Phillis, and +had a sudden and miraculous growth of whisker, and a still more +miraculous acquaintance with Latin and Greek. Alas! I wakened up still +a short, beardless lad, with 'tempus fugit' for my sole remembrance of +the little Latin I had once learnt. While I was dressing, a bright +thought came over me: I could question cousin Phillis, instead of her +questioning me, and so manage to keep the choice of the subjects of +conversation in my own power. + +Early as it was, every one had breakfasted, and my basin of bread and +milk was put on the oven-top to await my coming down. Every one was +gone about their work. The first to come into the house-place was +Phillis with a basket of eggs. Faithful to my resolution, I asked,-- + +'What are those?' + +She looked at me for a moment, and then said gravely,-- + +'Potatoes!' + +'No! they are not,' said I. 'They are eggs. What do you mean by saying +they are potatoes?' + +'What do you mean by asking me what they were, when they were plain to +be seen?' retorted she. + +We were both getting a little angry with each other. + +'I don't know. I wanted to begin to talk to you; and I was afraid you +would talk to me about books as you did yesterday. I have not read +much; and you and the minister have read so much.' + +'I have not,' said she. 'But you are our guest; and mother says I must +make it pleasant to you. We won't talk of books. What must we talk +about?' + +'I don't know. How old are you?' + +'Seventeen last May. How old are you?' + +'I am nineteen. Older than you by nearly two years,' said I, drawing +myself up to my full height. + +'I should not have thought you were above sixteen,' she replied, as +quietly as if she were not saying the most provoking thing she possibly +could. Then came a pause. + +'What are you going to do now?' asked I. + +'I should be dusting the bed-chambers; but mother said I had better +stay and make it pleasant to you,' said she, a little plaintively, as +if dusting rooms was far the easiest task. + +'Will you take me to see the live-stock? I like animals, though I don't +know much about them.' + +'Oh, do you? I am so glad! I was afraid you would not like animals, as +you did not like books.' + +I wondered why she said this. I think it was because she had begun to +fancy all our tastes must be dissimilar. We went together all through +the farm-yard; we fed the poultry, she kneeling down with her pinafore +full of corn and meal, and tempting the little timid, downy chickens +upon it, much to the anxiety of the fussy ruffled hen, their mother. +She called to the pigeons, who fluttered down at the sound of her +voice. She and I examined the great sleek cart-horses; sympathized in +our dislike of pigs; fed the calves; coaxed the sick cow, Daisy; and +admired the others out at pasture; and came back tired and hungry and +dirty at dinner-time, having quite forgotten that there were such +things as dead languages, and consequently capital friends. + + + + +PART II + + +Cousin Holman gave me the weekly county newspaper to read aloud to her, +while she mended stockings out of a high piled-up basket, Phillis +helping her mother. I read and read, unregardful of the words I was +uttering, thinking of all manner of other things; of the bright colour +of Phillis's hair, as the afternoon sun fell on her bending head; of +the silence of the house, which enabled me to hear the double tick of +the old clock which stood half-way up the stairs; of the variety of +inarticulate noises which cousin Holman made while I read, to show her +sympathy, wonder, or horror at the newspaper intelligence. The tranquil +monotony of that hour made me feel as if I had lived for ever, and +should live for ever droning out paragraphs in that warm sunny room, +with my two quiet hearers, and the curled-up pussy cat sleeping on the +hearth-rug, and the clock on the house-stairs perpetually clicking out +the passage of the moments. By-and-by Betty the servant came to the +door into the kitchen, and made a sign to Phillis, who put her +half-mended stocking down, and went away to the kitchen without a word. +Looking at cousin Holman a minute or two afterwards, I saw that she had +dropped her chin upon her breast, and had fallen fast asleep. I put the +newspaper down, and was nearly following her example, when a waft of +air from some unseen source, slightly opened the door of communication +with the kitchen, that Phillis must have left unfastened; and I saw +part of her figure as she sate by the dresser, peeling apples with +quick dexterity of finger, but with repeated turnings of her head +towards some book lying on the dresser by her. I softly rose, and as +softly went into the kitchen, and looked over her shoulder; before she +was aware of my neighbourhood, I had seen that the book was in a +language unknown to me, and the running title was L'Inferno. Just as I +was making out the relationship of this word to 'infernal', she started +and turned round, and, as if continuing her thought as she spoke, she +sighed out,-- + +'Oh! it is so difficult! Can you help me?' putting her finger below a +line. + +'Me! I! I don't even know what language it is in!' + +'Don't you see it is Dante?' she replied, almost petulantly; she did so +want help. + +'Italian, then?' said I, dubiously; for I was not quite sure. + +'Yes. And I do so want to make it out. Father can help me a little, for +he knows Latin; but then he has so little time.' + +'You have not much, I should think, if you have often to try and do two +things at once, as you are doing now. + +'Oh! that's nothing! Father bought a heap of old books cheap. And I +knew something about Dante before; and I have always liked Virgil so +much. Paring apples is nothing, if I could only make out this old +Italian. I wish you knew it.' + +'I wish I did,' said I, moved by her impetuosity of tone. 'If, now, +only Mr Holdsworth were here; he can speak Italian like anything, I +believe.' + +'Who is Mr Holdsworth?' said Phillis, looking up. + +'Oh, he's our head engineer. He's a regular first-rate fellow! He can +do anything;' my hero-worship and my pride in my chief all coming into +play. Besides, if I was not clever and book-learned myself, it was +something to belong to some one who was. + +'How is it that he speaks Italian?' asked Phillis. + +'He had to make a railway through Piedmont, which is in Italy, I +believe; and he had to talk to all the workmen in Italian; and I have +heard him say that for nearly two years he had only Italian books to +read in the queer outlandish places he was in.' + +'Oh, dear!' said Phillis; 'I wish--' and then she stopped. I was not +quite sure whether to say the next thing that came into my mind; but I +said it. + +'Could I ask him anything about your book, or your difficulties?' + +She was silent for a minute or so, and then she made reply,-- + +'No! I think not. Thank you very much, though. I can generally puzzle a +thing out in time. And then, perhaps, I remember it better than if some +one had helped me. I'll put it away now, and you must move off, for +I've got to make the paste for the pies; we always have a cold dinner +on Sabbaths.' + +'But I may stay and help you, mayn't I?' + +'Oh, yes; not that you can help at all, but I like to have you with +me.' I was both flattered and annoyed at this straightforward avowal. I +was pleased that she liked me; but I was young coxcomb enough to have +wished to play the lover, and I was quite wise enough to perceive that +if she had any idea of the kind in her head she would never have spoken +out so frankly. I comforted myself immediately, however, by finding out +that the grapes were sour. A great tall girl in a pinafore, half a head +taller than I was, reading books that I had never heard of, and talking +about them too, as of far more interest than any mere personal +subjects; that was the last day on which I ever thought of my dear +cousin Phillis as the possible mistress of my heart and life. But we +were all the greater friends for this idea being utterly put away and +buried out of sight. + +Late in the evening the minister came home from Hornby. He had been +calling on the different members of his flock; and unsatisfactory work +it had proved to him, it seemed from the fragments that dropped out of +his thoughts into his talk. + +'I don't see the men; they are all at their business, their shops, or +their warehouses; they ought to be there. I have no fault to find with +them; only if a pastor's teaching or words of admonition are good for +anything, they are needed by the men as much as by the women.' + +'Cannot you go and see them in their places of business, and remind +them of their Christian privileges and duties, minister?' asked cousin +Holman, who evidently thought that her husband's words could never be +out of place. + +'No!' said he, shaking his head. 'I judge them by myself. If there are +clouds in the sky, and I am getting in the hay just ready for loading, +and rain sure to come in the night, I should look ill upon brother +Robinson if he came into the field to speak about serious things.' + +'But, at any rate, father, you do good to the women, and perhaps they +repeat what you have said to them to their husbands and children?' + +'It is to be hoped they do, for I cannot reach the men directly; but +the women are apt to tarry before coming to me, to put on ribbons and +gauds; as if they could hear the message I bear to them best in their +smart clothes. Mrs Dobson to-day--Phillis, I am thankful thou dost not +care for the vanities of dress!' Phillis reddened a little as she said, +in a low humble voice,-- + +'But I do, father, I'm afraid. I often wish I could wear +pretty-coloured ribbons round my throat like the squire's daughters.' + +'It's but natural, minister!' said his wife; 'I'm not above liking a +silk gown better than a cotton one myself!' + +'The love of dress is a temptation and a snare,' said he, gravely. 'The +true adornment is a meek and quiet spirit. And, wife,' said he, as a +sudden thought crossed his mind, 'in that matter I, too, have sinned. I +wanted to ask you, could we not sleep in the grey room, instead of our +own?' + +'Sleep in the grey room?--change our room at this time o' day?' cousin +Holman asked, in dismay. + +'Yes,' said he. 'It would save me from a daily temptation to anger. +Look at my chin!' he continued; 'I cut it this morning--I cut it on +Wednesday when I was shaving; I do not know how many times I have cut +it of late, and all from impatience at seeing Timothy Cooper at his +work in the yard.' + +'He's a downright lazy tyke!' said cousin Holman. 'He's not worth his +wage. There's but little he can do, and what he can do, he does badly.' + +'True,' said the minister. 'He is but, so to speak, a half-wit; and yet +he has got a wife and children.' + +'More shame for him!' + +'But that is past change. And if I turn him off; no one else will take +him on. Yet I cannot help watching him of a morning as he goes +sauntering about his work in the yard; and I watch, and I watch, till +the old Adam rises strong within me at his lazy ways, and some day, I +am afraid, I shall go down and send him about his business--let alone +the way in which he makes me cut myself while I am shaving--and then +his wife and children will starve. I wish we could move to the grey +room.' + +I do not remember much more of my first visit to the Hope Farm. We went +to chapel in Heathbridge, slowly and decorously walking along the +lanes, ruddy and tawny with the colouring of the coming autumn. The +minister walked a little before us, his hands behind his back, his head +bent down, thinking about the discourse to be delivered to his people, +cousin Holman said; and we spoke low and quietly, in order not to +interrupt his thoughts. But I could not help noticing the respectful +greetings which he received from both rich and poor as we went along; +greetings which he acknowledged with a kindly wave of his hand, but +with no words of reply. As we drew near the town, I could see some of +the young fellows we met cast admiring looks on Phillis; and that made +me look too. She had on a white gown, and a short black silk cloak, +according to the fashion of the day. A straw bonnet with brown ribbon +strings; that was all. But what her dress wanted in colour, her sweet +bonny face had. The walk made her cheeks bloom like the rose; the very +whites of her eyes had a blue tinge in them, and her dark eyelashes +brought out the depth of the blue eyes themselves. Her yellow hair was +put away as straight as its natural curliness would allow. If she did +not perceive the admiration she excited, I am sure cousin Holman did; +for she looked as fierce and as proud as ever her quiet face could +look, guarding her treasure, and yet glad to perceive that others could +see that it was a treasure. That afternoon I had to return to Eltham to +be ready for the next day's work. I found out afterwards that the +minister and his family were all 'exercised in spirit,' as to whether +they did well in asking me to repeat my visits at the Hope Farm, seeing +that of necessity I must return to Eltham on the Sabbath-day. However, +they did go on asking me, and I went on visiting them, whenever my +other engagements permitted me, Mr Holdsworth being in this case, as in +all, a kind and indulgent friend. Nor did my new acquaintances oust him +from my strong regard and admiration. I had room in my heart for all, I +am happy to say, and as far as I can remember, I kept praising each to +the other in a manner which, if I had been an older man, living more +amongst people of the world, I should have thought unwise, as well as a +little ridiculous. It was unwise, certainly, as it was almost sure to +cause disappointment if ever they did become acquainted; and perhaps it +was ridiculous, though I do not think we any of us thought it so at the +time. The minister used to listen to my accounts of Mr Holdsworth's +many accomplishments and various adventures in travel with the truest +interest, and most kindly good faith; and Mr Holdsworth in return liked +to hear about my visits to the farm, and description of my cousin's +life there--liked it, I mean, as much as he liked anything that was +merely narrative, without leading to action. + +So I went to the farm certainly, on an average, once a month during +that autumn; the course of life there was so peaceful and quiet, that I +can only remember one small event, and that was one that I think I took +more notice of than any one else: Phillis left off wearing the +pinafores that had always been so obnoxious to me; I do not know why +they were banished, but on one of my visits I found them replaced by +pretty linen aprons in the morning, and a black silk one in the +afternoon. And the blue cotton gown became a brown stuff one as winter +drew on; this sounds like some book I once read, in which a migration +from the blue bed to the brown was spoken of as a great family event. + +Towards Christmas my dear father came to see me, and to consult Mr +Holdsworth about the improvement which has since been known as +'Manning's driving wheel'. Mr Holdsworth, as I think I have before +said, had a very great regard for my father, who had been employed in +the same great machine-shop in which Mr Holdsworth had served his +apprenticeship; and he and my father had many mutual jokes about one of +these gentlemen-apprentices who used to set about his smith's work in +white wash-leather gloves, for fear of spoiling his hands. Mr +Holdsworth often spoke to me about my father as having the same kind of +genius for mechanical invention as that of George Stephenson, and my +father had come over now to consult him about several improvements, as +well as an offer of partnership. It was a great pleasure to me to see +the mutual regard of these two men. Mr Holdsworth, young, handsome, +keen, well-dressed, an object of admiration to all the youth of Eltham; +my father, in his decent but unfashionable Sunday clothes, his plain, +sensible face full of hard lines, the marks of toil and thought,--his +hands, blackened beyond the power of soap and water by years of labour +in the foundry; speaking a strong Northern dialect, while Mr Holdsworth +had a long soft drawl in his voice, as many of the Southerners have, +and was reckoned in Eltham to give himself airs. + +Although most of my father's leisure time was occupied with +conversations about the business I have mentioned, he felt that he +ought not to leave Eltham without going to pay his respects to the +relations who had been so kind to his son. So he and I ran up on an +engine along the incomplete line as far as Heathbridge, and went, by +invitation, to spend a day at the farm. + +It was odd and yet pleasant to me to perceive how these two men, each +having led up to this point such totally dissimilar lives, seemed to +come together by instinct, after one quiet straight look into each +other's faces. My father was a thin, wiry man of five foot seven; the +minister was a broad-shouldered, fresh-coloured man of six foot one; +they were neither of them great talkers in general--perhaps the +minister the most so--but they spoke much to each other. My father went +into the fields with the minister; I think I see him now, with his +hands behind his back, listening intently to all explanations of +tillage, and the different processes of farming; occasionally taking up +an implement, as if unconsciously, and examining it with a critical +eye, and now and then asking a question, which I could see was +considered as pertinent by his companion. Then we returned to look at +the cattle, housed and bedded in expectation of the snow-storm hanging +black on the western horizon, and my father learned the points of a cow +with as much attention as if he meant to turn farmer. He had his little +book that he used for mechanical memoranda and measurements in his +pocket, and he took it out to write down 'straight back', small +muzzle', 'deep barrel', and I know not what else, under the head 'cow'. +He was very critical on a turnip-cutting machine, the clumsiness of +which first incited him to talk; and when we went into the house he +sate thinking and quiet for a bit, while Phillis and her mother made +the last preparations for tea, with a little unheeded apology from +cousin Holman, because we were not sitting in the best parlour, which +she thought might be chilly on so cold a night. I wanted nothing better +than the blazing, crackling fire that sent a glow over all the +house-place, and warmed the snowy flags under our feet till they seemed +to have more heat than the crimson rug right in front of the fire. +After tea, as Phillis and I were talking together very happily, I heard +an irrepressible exclamation from cousin Holman,-- + +'Whatever is the man about!' + +And on looking round, I saw my father taking a straight burning stick +out of the fire, and, after waiting for a minute, and examining the +charred end to see if it was fitted for his purpose, he went to the +hard-wood dresser, scoured to the last pitch of whiteness and +cleanliness, and began drawing with the stick; the best substitute for +chalk or charcoal within his reach, for his pocket-book pencil was not +strong or bold enough for his purpose. When he had done, he began to +explain his new model of a turnip-cutting machine to the minister, who +had been watching him in silence all the time. Cousin Holman had, in +the meantime, taken a duster out of a drawer, and, under pretence of +being as much interested as her husband in the drawing, was secretly +trying on an outside mark how easily it would come off, and whether it +would leave her dresser as white as before. Then Phillis was sent for +the book on dynamics about which I had been consulted during my first +visit, and my father had to explain many difficulties, which he did in +language as clear as his mind, making drawings with his stick wherever +they were needed as illustrations, the minister sitting with his +massive head resting on his hands, his elbows on the table, almost +unconscious of Phillis, leaning over and listening greedily, with her +hand on his shoulder, sucking in information like her father's own +daughter. I was rather sorry for cousin Holman; I had been so once or +twice before; for do what she would, she was completely unable even to +understand the pleasure her husband and daughter took in intellectual +pursuits, much less to care in the least herself for the pursuits +themselves, and was thus unavoidably thrown out of some of their +interests. I had once or twice thought she was a little jealous of her +own child, as a fitter companion for her husband than she was herself; +and I fancied the minister himself was aware of this feeling, for I had +noticed an occasional sudden change of subject, and a tenderness of +appeal in his voice as he spoke to her, which always made her look +contented and peaceful again. I do not think that Phillis ever +perceived these little shadows; in the first place, she had such +complete reverence for her parents that she listened to them both as if +they had been St Peter and St Paul; and besides, she was always too +much engrossed with any matter in hand to think about other people's +manners and looks. + +This night I could see, though she did not, how much she was winning on +my father. She asked a few questions which showed that she had followed +his explanations up to that point; possibly, too, her unusual beauty +might have something to do with his favourable impression of her; but +he made no scruple of expressing his admiration of her to her father +and mother in her absence from the room; and from that evening I date a +project of his which came out to me a day or two afterwards, as we sate +in my little three-cornered room in Eltham. 'Paul,' he began, 'I never +thought to be a rich man; but I think it's coming upon me. Some folk +are making a deal of my new machine (calling it by its technical name), +and Ellison, of the Borough Green Works, has gone so far as to ask me +to be his partner.' + +'Mr Ellison the Justice!--who lives in King Street? why, he drives his +carriage!' said I, doubting, yet exultant. + +'Ay, lad, John Ellison. But that's no sign that I shall drive my +carriage. Though I should like to save thy mother walking, for she's +not so young as she was. But that's a long way off; anyhow. I reckon I +should start with a third profit. It might be seven hundred, or it +might be more. I should like to have the power to work out some fancies +o' mine. I care for that much more than for th' brass. And Ellison has +no lads; and by nature the business would come to thee in course o' +time. Ellison's lasses are but bits o' things, and are not like to come +by husbands just yet; and when they do, maybe they'll not be in the +mechanical line. It will be an opening for thee, lad, if thou art +steady. Thou'rt not great shakes, I know, in th' inventing line; but +many a one gets on better without having fancies for something he does +not see and never has seen. I'm right down glad to see that mother's +cousins are such uncommon folk for sense and goodness. I have taken the +minister to my heart like a brother; and she is a womanly quiet sort of +a body. And I'll tell you frank, Paul, it will be a happy day for me if +ever you can come and tell me that Phillis Holman is like to be my +daughter. I think if that lass had not a penny, she would be the making +of a man; and she'll have yon house and lands, and you may be her match +yet in fortune if all goes well.' + +I was growing as red as fire; I did not know what to say, and yet I +wanted to say something; but the idea of having a wife of my own at +some future day, though it had often floated about in my own head, +sounded so strange when it was thus first spoken about by my father. He +saw my confusion, and half smiling said,-- + +'Well, lad, what dost say to the old father's plans? Thou art but +young, to be sure; but when I was thy age, I would ha' given my right +hand if I might ha' thought of the chance of wedding the lass I cared +for--' + +'My mother?' asked I, a little struck by the change of his tone of +voice. + +'No! not thy mother. Thy mother is a very good woman--none better. No! +the lass I cared for at nineteen ne'er knew how I loved her, and a year +or two after and she was dead, and ne'er knew. I think she would ha' +been glad to ha' known it, poor Molly; but I had to leave the place +where we lived for to try to earn my bread and I meant to come back but +before ever I did, she was dead and gone: I ha' never gone there since. +But if you fancy Phillis Holman, and can get her to fancy you, my lad, +it shall go different with you, Paul, to what it did with your father.' + +I took counsel with myself very rapidly, and I came to a clear +conclusion. 'Father,' said I, 'if I fancied Phillis ever so much, she +would never fancy me. I like her as much as I could like a sister; and +she likes me as if I were her brother--her younger brother.' + +I could see my father's countenance fall a little. + +'You see she's so clever she's more like a man than a woman--she knows +Latin and Greek.' + +'She'd forget 'em, if she'd a houseful of children,' was my father's +comment on this. + +'But she knows many a thing besides, and is wise as well as learned; +she has been so much with her father. She would never think much of me, +and I should like my wife to think a deal of her husband.' + +'It is not just book-learning or the want of it as makes a wife think +much or little of her husband,' replied my father, evidently unwilling +to give up a project which had taken deep root in his mind. 'It's a +something I don't rightly know how to call it--if he's manly, and +sensible, and straightforward; and I reckon you're that, my boy.' + +'I don't think I should like to have a wife taller than I am, father,' +said I, smiling; he smiled too, but not heartily. + +'Well,' said he, after a pause. 'It's but a few days I've been thinking +of it, but I'd got as fond of my notion as if it had been a new engine +as I'd been planning out. Here's our Paul, thinks I to myself, a good +sensible breed o' lad, as has never vexed or troubled his mother or me; +with a good business opening out before him, age nineteen, not so +bad-looking, though perhaps not to call handsome, and here's his +cousin, not too near cousin, but just nice, as one may say; aged +seventeen, good and true, and well brought up to work with her hands as +well as her head; a scholar--but that can't be helped, and is more her +misfortune than her fault, seeing she is the only child of scholar--and +as I said afore, once she's a wife and a she'll forget it all, I'll be +bound--with a good fortune in land and house when it shall please the +Lord to take her parents to himself; with eyes like poor Molly's for +beauty, a colour that comes and goes on a milk-white skin, and as +pretty a mouth--, + +'Why, Mr Manning, what fair lady are you describing?' asked Mr +Holdsworth, who had come quickly and suddenly upon our tete-a-tete, and +had caught my father's last words as he entered the room. Both my +father and I felt rather abashed; it was such an odd subject for us to +be talking about; but my father, like a straightforward simple man as +he was, spoke out the truth. + +'I've been telling Paul of Ellison's offer, and saying how good an +opening it made for him--' + +'I wish I'd as good,' said Mr Holdsworth. 'But has the business a +"pretty mouth"? + +'You're always so full of your joking, Mr Holdsworth,' said my father. +'I was going to say that if he and his cousin Phillis Holman liked to +make it up between them, I would put no spoke in the wheel.' + +'Phillis Holman!' said Mr Holdsworth. 'Is she the daughter of the +minister-farmer out at Heathbridge? Have I been helping on the course +of true love by letting you go there so often? I knew nothing of it.' + +'There is nothing to know,' said I, more annoyed than I chose to show. +'There is no more true love in the case than may be between the first +brother and sister you may choose to meet. I have been telling father +she would never think of me; she's a great deal taller and cleverer; +and I'd rather be taller and more learned than my wife when I have one.' + +'And it is she, then, that has the pretty mouth your father spoke +about? I should think that would be an antidote to the cleverness and +learning. But I ought to apologize for breaking in upon your last +night; I came upon business to your father.' + +And then he and my father began to talk about many things that had no +interest for me just then, and I began to go over again my conversation +with my father. The more I thought about it, the more I felt that I had +spoken truly about my feelings towards Phillis Holman. I loved her +dearly as a sister, but I could never fancy her as my wife. Still less +could I think of her ever--yes, condescending, that is the +word--condescending to marry me. I was roused from a reverie on what I +should like my possible wife to be, by hearing my father's warm praise +of the minister, as a most unusual character; how they had got back +from the diameter of driving-wheels to the subject of the Holmans I +could never tell; but I saw that my father's weighty praises were +exciting some curiosity in Mr Holdsworth's mind; indeed, he said, +almost in a voice of reproach,-- + +'Why, Paul, you never told me what kind of a fellow this +minister-cousin of yours was!' + +'I don't know that I found out, sir,' said I. 'But if I had, I don't +think you'd have listened to me, as you have done to my father.' + +'No! most likely not, old fellow,' replied Mr Holdsworth, laughing. And +again and afresh I saw what a handsome pleasant clear face his was; and +though this evening I had been a bit put out with him--through his +sudden coming, and his having heard my father's open-hearted +confidence--my hero resumed all his empire over me by his bright merry +laugh. + +And if he had not resumed his old place that night, he would have done +so the next day, when, after my father's departure, Mr Holdsworth spoke +about him with such just respect for his character, such ungrudging +admiration of his great mechanical genius, that I was compelled to say, +almost unawares,-- + +'Thank you, sir. I am very much obliged to you.' + +'Oh, you're not at all. I am only speaking the truth. Here's a +Birmingham workman, self-educated, one may say--having never associated +with stimulating minds, or had what advantages travel and contact with +the world may be supposed to afford--working out his own thoughts into +steel and iron, making a scientific name for himself--a fortune, if it +pleases him to work for money--and keeping his singleness of heart, his +perfect simplicity of manner; it puts me out of patience to think of my +expensive schooling, my travels hither and thither, my heaps of +scientific books, and I have done nothing to speak of. But it's +evidently good blood; there's that Mr Holman, that cousin of yours, +made of the same stuff' + +'But he's only cousin because he married my mother's second cousin,' +said I. + +'That knocks a pretty theory on the head, and twice over, too. I should +like to make Holman's acquaintance.' + +'I am sure they would be so glad to see you at Hope Farm,' said I, +eagerly. 'In fact, they've asked me to bring you several times: only I +thought you would find it dull.' + +'Not at all. I can't go yet though, even if you do get me an +invitation; for the ---- Company want me to go to the ---- Valley, and +look over the ground a bit for them, to see if it would do for a branch +line; it's a job which may take me away for some time; but I shall be +backwards and forwards, and you're quite up to doing what is needed in +my absence; the only work that may be beyond you is keeping old Jevons +from drinking.' He went on giving me directions about the management of +the men employed on the line, and no more was said then, or for several +months, about his going to Hope Farm. He went off into ---- Valley, a +dark overshadowed dale, where the sun seemed to set behind the hills +before four o'clock on midsummer afternoon. Perhaps it was this that +brought on the attack of low fever which he had soon after the +beginning of the new year; he was very ill for many weeks, almost many +months; a married sister--his only relation, I think--came down from +London to nurse him, and I went over to him when I could, to see him, +and give him 'masculine news,' as he called it; reports of the progress +of the line, which, I am glad to say, I was able to carry on in his +absence, in the slow gradual way which suited the company best, while +trade was in a languid state, and money dear in the market. Of course, +with this occupation for my scanty leisure, I did not often go over to +Hope Farm. Whenever I did go, I met with a thorough welcome; and many +inquiries were made as to Holdsworth's illness, and the progress of his +recovery. + +At length, in June I think it was, he was sufficiently recovered to +come back to his lodgings at Eltham, and resume part at least of his +work. His sister, Mrs Robinson, had been obliged to leave him some +weeks before, owing to some epidemic amongst her own children. As long +as I had seen Mr Holdsworth in the rooms at the little inn at +Hensleydale, where I had been accustomed to look upon him as an +invalid, I had not been aware of the visible shake his fever had given +to his health. But, once back in the old lodgings, where I had always +seen him so buoyant, eloquent, decided, and vigorous in former days, my +spirits sank at the change in one whom I had always regarded with a +strong feeling of admiring affection. He sank into silence and +despondency after the least exertion; he seemed as if he could not make +up his mind to any action, or else that, when it was made up, he lacked +strength to carry out his purpose. Of course, it was but the natural +state of slow convalescence, after so sharp an illness; but, at the +time, I did not know this, and perhaps I represented his state as more +serious than it was to my kind relations at Hope Farm; who, in their +grave, simple, eager way, immediately thought of the only help they +could give. + +'Bring him out here,' said the minister. 'Our air here is good to a +proverb; the June days are fine; he may loiter away his time in the +hay-field, and the sweet smells will be a balm in themselves--better +than physic.' + +'And,' said cousin Holman, scarcely waiting for her husband to finish +his sentence, 'tell him there is new milk and fresh eggs to be had for +the asking; it's lucky Daisy has just calved, for her milk is always as +good as other cows' cream; and there is the plaid room with the morning +sun all streaming in.' Phillis said nothing, but looked as much +interested in the project as any one. I took it upon myself. I wanted +them to see him; him to know them. I proposed it to him when I got +home. He was too languid after the day's fatigue, to be willing to make +the little exertion of going amongst strangers; and disappointed me by +almost declining to accept the invitation I brought. The next morning +it was different; he apologized for his ungraciousness of the night +before; and told me that he would get all things in train, so as to be +ready to go out with me to Hope Farm on the following Saturday. + +'For you must go with me, Manning,' said he; 'I used to be as impudent +a fellow as need be, and rather liked going amongst strangers, and +making my way; but since my illness I am almost like a girl, and turn +hot and cold with shyness, as they do, I fancy.' + +So it was fixed. We were to go out to Hope Farm on Saturday afternoon; +and it was also understood that if the air and the life suited Mr +Holdsworth, he was to remain there for a week or ten days, doing what +work he could at that end of the line, while I took his place at Eltham +to the best of my ability. I grew a little nervous, as the time drew +near, and wondered how the brilliant Holdsworth would agree with the +quiet quaint family of the minister; how they would like him, and many +of his half-foreign ways. I tried to prepare him, by telling him from +time to time little things about the goings-on at Hope Farm. + +'Manning,' said he, 'I see you don't think I am half good enough for +your friends. Out with it, man.' + +'No,' I replied, boldly. 'I think you are good; but I don't know if you +are quite of their kind of goodness.' + +'And you've found out already that there is greater chance of +disagreement between two "kinds of goodness", each having its own idea +of right, than between a given goodness and a moderate degree of +naughtiness--which last often arises from an indifference to right?' + +'I don't know. I think you're talking metaphysics, and I am sure that +is bad for you.' + +'"When a man talks to you in a way that you don't understand about a +thing which he does not understand, them's metaphysics." You remember +the clown's definition, don't you, Manning?' + +'No, I don't,' said I. 'But what I do understand is, that you must go +to bed; and tell me at what time we must start tomorrow, that I may go +to Hepworth, and get those letters written we were talking about this +morning.' + +'Wait till to-morrow, and let us see what the day is like,' he +answered, with such languid indecision as showed me he was +over-fatigued. So I went my way. The morrow was blue and sunny, and +beautiful; the very perfection of an early summer's day. Mr Holdsworth +was all impatience to be off into the country; morning had brought back +his freshness and strength, and consequent eagerness to be doing. I was +afraid we were going to my cousin's farm rather too early, before they +would expect us; but what could I do with such a restless vehement man +as Holdsworth was that morning? We came down upon the Hope Farm before +the dew was off the grass on the shady side of the lane; the great +house-dog was loose, basking in the sun, near the closed side door. I +was surprised at this door being shut, for all summer long it was open +from morning to night; but it was only on latch. I opened it, Rover +watching me with half-suspicious, half-trustful eyes. The room was +empty. + +'I don't know where they can be,' said I. 'But come in and sit down +while I go and look for them. You must be tired.' + +'Not I. This sweet balmy air is like a thousand tonics. Besides, this +room is hot, and smells of those pungent wood-ashes. What are we to do?' + +'Go round to the kitchen. Betty will tell us where they are.' So we +went round into the farmyard, Rover accompanying us out of a grave +sense of duty. Betty was washing out her milk-pans in the cold bubbling +spring-water that constantly trickled in and out of a stone trough. In +such weather as this most of her kitchen-work was done out of doors. + +'Eh, dear!' said she, 'the minister and missus is away at Hornby! They +ne'er thought of your coming so betimes! The missus had some errands to +do, and she thought as she'd walk with the minister and be back by +dinner-time.' + +'Did not they expect us to dinner?' said I. + +'Well, they did, and they did not, as I may say. Missus said to me the +cold lamb would do well enough if you did not come; and if you did I +was to put on a chicken and some bacon to boil; and I'll go do it now, +for it is hard to boil bacon enough.' + +'And is Phillis gone, too?' Mr Holdsworth was making friends with Rover. + +'No! She's just somewhere about. I reckon you'll find her in the +kitchen-garden, getting peas. + +'Let us go there,' said Holdsworth, suddenly leaving off his play with +the dog. So I led the way into the kitchen-garden. It was in the first +promise of a summer profuse in vegetables and fruits. Perhaps it was +not so much cared for as other parts of the property; but it was more +attended to than most kitchen-gardens belonging to farm-houses. There +were borders of flowers along each side of the gravel walks; and there +was an old sheltering wall on the north side covered with tolerably +choice fruit-trees; there was a slope down to the fish-pond at the end, +where there were great strawberry-beds; and raspberry-bushes and +rose-bushes grew wherever there was a space; it seemed a chance which +had been planted. Long rows of peas stretched at right angles from the +main walk, and I saw Phillis stooping down among them, before she saw +us. As soon as she heard our cranching steps on the gravel, she stood +up, and shading her eyes from the sun, recognized us. She was quite +still for a moment, and then came slowly towards us, blushing a little +from evident shyness. I had never seen Phillis shy before. + +'This is Mr Holdsworth, Phillis,' said I, as soon as I had shaken hands +with her. She glanced up at him, and then looked down, more flushed +than ever at his grand formality of taking his hat off and bowing; such +manners had never been seen at Hope Farm before. + +'Father and mother are out. They will be so sorry; you did not write, +Paul, as you said you would.' + +'It was my fault,' said Holdsworth, understanding what she meant as +well as if she had put it more fully into words. 'I have not yet given +up all the privileges of an invalid; one of which is indecision. Last +night, when your cousin asked me at what time we were to start, I +really could not make up my mind.' + +Phillis seemed as if she could not make up her mind as to what to do +with us. I tried to help her,-- + +'Have you finished getting peas?' taking hold of the half-filled basket +she was unconsciously holding in her hand; 'or may we stay and help +you?' + +'If you would. But perhaps it will tire you, sir?' added she, speaking +now to Holdsworth. + +'Not a bit,' said he. 'It will carry me back twenty years in my life, +when I used to gather peas in my grandfather's garden. I suppose I may +eat a few as I go along?' + +'Certainly, sir. But if you went to the strawberry-beds you would find +some strawberries ripe, and Paul can show you where they are.' + +'I am afraid you distrust me. I can assure you I know the exact fulness +at which peas should be gathered. I take great care not to pluck them +when they are unripe. I will not be turned off, as unfit for my work.' +This was a style of half-joking talk that Phillis was not accustomed +to. She looked for a moment as if she would have liked to defend +herself from the playful charge of distrust made against her, but she +ended by not saying a word. We all plucked our peas in busy silence for +the next five minutes. Then Holdsworth lifted himself up from between +the rows, and said, a little wearily, + +'I am afraid I must strike work. I am not as strong as I fancied +myself.' Phillis was full of penitence immediately. He did, indeed, +look pale; and she blamed herself for having allowed him to help her. + +'It was very thoughtless of me. I did not know--I thought, perhaps, you +really liked it. I ought to have offered you something to eat, sir! Oh, +Paul, we have gathered quite enough; how stupid I was to forget that Mr +Holdsworth had been ill!' And in a blushing hurry she led the way +towards the house. We went in, and she moved a heavy cushioned chair +forwards, into which Holdsworth was only too glad to sink. Then with +deft and quiet speed she brought in a little tray, wine, water, cake, +home-made bread, and newly-churned butter. She stood by in some anxiety +till, after bite and sup, the colour returned to Mr Holdsworth's face, +and he would fain have made us some laughing apologies for the fright +he had given us. But then Phillis drew back from her innocent show of +care and interest, and relapsed into the cold shyness habitual to her +when she was first thrown into the company of strangers. She brought +out the last week's county paper (which Mr Holdsworth had read five +days ago), and then quietly withdrew; and then he subsided into +languor, leaning back and shutting his eyes as if he would go to sleep. +I stole into the kitchen after Phillis; but she had made the round of +the corner of the house outside, and I found her sitting on the +horse-mount, with her basket of peas, and a basin into which she was +shelling them. Rover lay at her feet, snapping now and then at the +flies. I went to her, and tried to help her, but somehow the sweet +crisp young peas found their way more frequently into my mouth than +into the basket, while we talked together in a low tone, fearful of +being overheard through the open casements of the house-place in which +Holdsworth was resting. + +'Don't you think him handsome?' asked I. + +'Perhaps--yes--I have hardly looked at him,' she replied 'But is not he +very like a foreigner?' + +'Yes, he cuts his hair foreign fashion,' said I. + +'I like an Englishman to look like an Englishman.' + +'I don't think he thinks about it. He says he began that way when he +was in Italy, because everybody wore it so, and it is natural to keep +it on in England.' + +'Not if he began it in Italy because everybody there wore it so. +Everybody here wears it differently.' + +I was a little offended with Phillis's logical fault-finding with my +friend; and I determined to change the subject. + +'When is your mother coming home?' + +'I should think she might come any time now; but she had to go and see +Mrs Morton, who was ill, and she might be kept, and not be home till +dinner. Don't you think you ought to go and see how Mr Holdsworth is +going on, Paul? He may be faint again.' + +I went at her bidding; but there was no need for it. Mr Holdsworth was +up, standing by the window, his hands in his pockets; he had evidently +been watching us. He turned away as I entered. + +'So that is the girl I found your good father planning for your wife, +Paul, that evening when I interrupted you! Are you of the same coy mind +still? It did not look like it a minute ago.' + +'Phillis and I understand each other,' I replied, sturdily. 'We are +like brother and sister. She would not have me as a husband if there +was not another man in the world; and it would take a deal to make me +think of her--as my father wishes' (somehow I did not like to say 'as a +wife'), 'but we love each other dearly.' + +'Well, I am rather surprised at it--not at your loving each other in a +brother-and-sister kind of way--but at your finding it so impossible to +fall in love with such a beautiful woman.' Woman! beautiful woman! I +had thought of Phillis as a comely but awkward girl; and I could not +banish the pinafore from my mind's eye when I tried to picture her to +myself. Now I turned, as Mr Holdsworth had done, to look at her again +out of the window: she had just finished her task, and was standing up, +her back to us, holding the basket, and the basin in it, high in air, +out of Rover's reach, who was giving vent to his delight at the +probability of a change of place by glad leaps and barks, and snatches +at what he imagined to be a withheld prize. At length she grew tired of +their mutual play, and with a feint of striking him, and a 'Down, +Rover! do hush!' she looked towards the window where we were standing, +as if to reassure herself that no one had been disturbed by the noise, +and seeing us, she coloured all over, and hurried away, with Rover +still curving in sinuous lines about her as she walked. + +'I should like to have sketched her,' said Mr Holdsworth, as he turned +away. He went back to his chair, and rested in silence for a minute or +two. Then he was up again. + +'I would give a good deal for a book,' he said. 'It would keep me +quiet.' He began to look round; there were a few volumes at one end of +the shovel-board. 'Fifth volume of Matthew Henry's Commentary,' said +he, reading their titles aloud. 'Housewife's complete Manual; Berridge +on Prayer; L'Inferno--Dante!' in great surprise. 'Why, who reads this?' + +'I told you Phillis read it. Don't you remember? She knows Latin and +Greek, too.' + +'To be sure! I remember! But somehow I never put two and two together. +That quiet girl, full of household work, is the wonderful scholar, +then, that put you to rout with her questions when you first began to +come here. To be sure, "Cousin Phillis!" What's here: a paper with the +hard, obsolete words written out. I wonder what sort of a dictionary +she has got. Baretti won't tell her all these words. Stay! I have got a +pencil here. I'll write down the most accepted meanings, and save her a +little trouble.' + +So he took her book and the paper back to the little round table, and +employed himself in writing explanations and definitions of the words +which had troubled her. I was not sure if he was not taking a liberty: +it did not quite please me, and yet I did not know why. He had only +just done, and replaced the paper in the book, and put the latter back +in its place, when I heard the sound of wheels stopping in the lane, +and looking out, I saw cousin Holman getting out of a neighbour's gig, +making her little curtsey of acknowledgment, and then coming towards +the house. I went to meet her. + +'Oh, Paul!' said she, 'I am so sorry I was kept; and then Thomas Dobson +said if I would wait a quarter of an hour he would--But where's your +friend Mr Holdsworth? I hope he is come?' + +Just then he came out, and with his pleasant cordial manner took her +hand, and thanked her for asking him to come out here to get strong. + +'I'm sure I am very glad to see you, sir. It was the minister's +thought. I took it into my head you would be dull in our quiet house, +for Paul says you've been such a great traveller; but the minister said +that dulness would perhaps suit you while you were but ailing, and that +I was to ask Paul to be here as much as he could. I hope you'll find +yourself happy with us, I'm sure, sir. Has Phillis given you something +to eat and drink, I wonder? there's a deal in eating a little often, if +one has to get strong after an illness.' And then she began to question +him as to the details of his indisposition in her simple, motherly way. +He seemed at once to understand her, and to enter into friendly +relations with her. It was not quite the same in the evening when the +minister came home. Men have always a little natural antipathy to get +over when they first meet as strangers. But in this case each was +disposed to make an effort to like the other; only each was to each a +specimen of an unknown class. I had to leave the Hope Farm on Sunday +afternoon, as I had Mr Holdsworth's work as well as my own to look to +in Eltham; and I was not at all sure how things would go on during the +week that Holdsworth was to remain on his visit; I had been once or +twice in hot water already at the near clash of opinions between the +minister and my much-vaunted friend. On the Wednesday I received a +short note from Holdsworth; he was going to stay on, and return with me +on the following Sunday, and he wanted me to send him a certain list of +books, his theodolite, and other surveying instruments, all of which +could easily be conveyed down the line to Heathbridge. I went to his +lodgings and picked out the books. Italian, Latin, trigonometry; a +pretty considerable parcel they made, besides the implements. I began +to be curious as to the general progress of affairs at Hope Farm, but I +could not go over till the Saturday. At Heathbridge I found Holdsworth, +come to meet me. He was looking quite a different man to what I had +left him; embrowned, sparkles in his eyes, so languid before. I told +him how much stronger he looked. + +'Yes!' said he. 'I am fidging fain to be at work again. Last week I +dreaded the thoughts of my employment: now I am full of desire to +begin. This week in the country has done wonders for me.' + +'You have enjoyed yourself, then?' + +'Oh! it has been perfect in its way. Such a thorough country life! and +yet removed from the dulness which I always used to fancy accompanied +country life, by the extraordinary intelligence of the minister. I have +fallen into calling him "the minister", like every one else.' + +'You get on with him, then?' said I. 'I was a little afraid.' + +'I was on the verge of displeasing him once or twice, I fear, with +random assertions and exaggerated expressions, such as one always uses +with other people, and thinks nothing of; but I tried to check myself +when I saw how it shocked the good man; and really it is very wholesome +exercise, this trying to make one's words represent one's thoughts, +instead of merely looking to their effect on others.' + +'Then you are quite friends now?' I asked. + +'Yes, thoroughly; at any rate as far as I go. I never met with a man +with such a desire for knowledge. In information, as far as it can be +gained from books, he far exceeds me on most subjects; but then I have +travelled and seen--Were not you surprised at the list of things I sent +for?' + +'Yes; I thought it did not promise much rest.' + +'Oh! some of the books were for the minister, and some for his +daughter. (I call her Phillis to myself, but I use euphuisms in speaking about +her to others. I don't like to seem familiar, and yet Miss Holman is a +term I have never heard used.)' + +'I thought the Italian books were for her.' + +'Yes! Fancy her trying at Dante for her first book in Italian! I had a +capital novel by Manzoni, I Promessi Sposi, just the thing for a +beginner; and if she must still puzzle out Dante, my dictionary is far +better than hers.' + +'Then she found out you had written those definitions on her list of +words?' + +'Oh! yes'--with a smile of amusement and pleasure. He was going to tell +me what had taken place, but checked himself. + +'But I don't think the minister will like your having given her a novel +to read?' + +'Pooh! What can be more harmless? Why make a bugbear of a word? It is +as pretty and innocent a tale as can be met with. You don't suppose +they take Virgil for gospel?' + +By this time we were at the farm. I think Phillis gave me a warmer +welcome than usual, and cousin Holman was kindness itself. Yet somehow +I felt as if I had lost my place, and that Holdsworth had taken it. He +knew all the ways of the house; he was full of little filial attentions +to cousin Holman; he treated Phillis with the affectionate +condescension of an elder brother; not a bit more; not in any way +different. He questioned me about the progress of affairs in Eltham +with eager interest. + +'Ah!' said cousin Holman, 'you'll be spending a different kind of time +next week to what you have done this! I can see how busy you'll make +yourself! But if you don't take care you'll be ill again, and have to +come back to our quiet ways of going on. + +'Do you suppose I shall need to be ill to wish to come back here?' he +answered, warmly. 'I am only afraid you have treated me so kindly that +I shall always be turning up on your hands.' + +'That's right,' she replied. 'Only don't go and make yourself ill by +over-work. I hope you'll go on with a cup of new milk every morning, +for I am sure that is the best medicine; and put a teaspoonful of rum +in it, if you like; many a one speaks highly of that, only we had no +rum in the house.' I brought with me an atmosphere of active life which +I think he had begun to miss; and it was natural that he should seek my +company, after his week of retirement. Once I saw Phillis looking at us +as we talked together with a kind of wistful curiosity; but as soon as +she caught my eye, she turned away, blushing deeply. + +That evening I had a little talk with the minister. I strolled along +the Hornby road to meet him; for Holdsworth was giving Phillis an +Italian lesson, and cousin Holman had fallen asleep over her work. +Somehow, and not unwillingly on my part, our talk fell on the friend +whom I had introduced to the Hope Farm. + +'Yes! I like him!' said the minister, weighing his words a little as he +spoke. 'I like him. I hope I am justified in doing it, but he takes +hold of me, as it were; and I have almost been afraid lest he carries +me away, in spite of my judgment.' + +'He is a good fellow; indeed he is,' said I. 'My father thinks well of +him; and I have seen a deal of him. I would not have had him come here +if I did not know that you would approve of him.' + +'Yes,' (once more hesitating,) 'I like him, and I think he is an +upright man; there is a want of seriousness in his talk at times, but, +at the same time, it is wonderful to listen to him! He makes Horace and +Virgil living, instead of dead, by the stories he tells me of his +sojourn in the very countries where they lived, and where to this day, +he says--But it is like dram-drinking. I listen to him till I forget my +duties, and am carried off my feet. Last Sabbath evening he led us away +into talk on profane subjects ill befitting the day.' By this time we +were at the house, and our conversation stopped. But before the day was +out, I saw the unconscious hold that my friend had got over all the +family. And no wonder: he had seen so much and done so much as compared +to them, and he told about it all so easily and naturally, and yet as I +never heard any one else do; and his ready pencil was out in an instant +to draw on scraps of paper all sorts of illustrations--modes of drawing +up water in Northern Italy, wine-carts, buffaloes, stone-pines, I know +not what. After we had all looked at these drawings, Phillis gathered +them together, and took them. It is many years since I have seen thee, +Edward Holdsworth, but thou wast a delightful fellow! Ay, and a good +one too; though much sorrow was caused by thee! + + + + +PART III + + +Just after this I went home for a week's holiday. Everything was +prospering there; my father's new partnership gave evident satisfaction +to both parties. There was no display of increased wealth in our modest +household; but my mother had a few extra comforts provided for her by +her husband. I made acquaintance with Mr and Mrs Ellison, and first saw +pretty Margaret Ellison, who is now my wife. When I returned to Eltham, +I found that a step was decided upon, which had been in contemplation +for some time; that Holdsworth and I should remove our quarters to +Hornby; our daily presence, and as much of our time as possible, being +required for the completion of the line at that end. + +Of course this led to greater facility of intercourse with the Hope +Farm people. We could easily walk out there after our day's work was +done, and spend a balmy evening hour or two, and yet return before the +summer's twilight had quite faded away. Many a time, indeed, we would +fain have stayed longer--the open air, the fresh and pleasant country, +made so agreeable a contrast to the close, hot town lodgings which I +shared with Mr Holdsworth; but early hours, both at eve and morn, were +an imperative necessity with the minister, and he made no scruple at +turning either or both of us out of the house directly after evening +prayer, or 'exercise', as he called it. The remembrance of many a happy +day, and of several little scenes, comes back upon me as I think of +that summer. They rise like pictures to my memory, and in this way I +can date their succession; for I know that corn harvest must have come +after hay-making, apple-gathering after corn-harvest. + +The removal to Hornby took up some time, during which we had neither of +us any leisure to go out to the Hope Farm. Mr Holdsworth had been out +there once during my absence at home. One sultry evening, when work was +done, he proposed our walking out and paying the Holmans a visit. It so +happened that I had omitted to write my usual weekly letter home in our +press of business, and I wished to finish that before going out. Then +he said that he would go, and that I could follow him if I liked. This +I did in about an hour; the weather was so oppressive, I remember, that +I took off my coat as I walked, and hung it over my arm. All the doors +and windows at the farm were open when I arrived there, and every tiny +leaf on the trees was still. The silence of the place was profound; at +first I thought that it was entirely deserted; but just as I drew near +the door I heard a weak sweet voice begin to sing; it was cousin +Holman, all by herself in the house-place, piping up a hymn, as she +knitted away in the clouded light. She gave me a kindly welcome, and +poured out all the small domestic news of the fortnight past upon me, +and, in return, I told her about my own people and my visit at home. + +'Where were the rest?' at length I asked. + +Betty and the men were in the field helping with the last load of hay, +for the minister said there would be rain before the morning. Yes, and +the minister himself, and Phillis, and Mr Holdsworth, were all there +helping. She thought that she herself could have done something; but +perhaps she was the least fit for hay-making of any one; and somebody +must stay at home and take care of the house, there were so many tramps +about; if I had not had something to do with the railroad she would +have called them navvies. I asked her if she minded being left alone, +as I should like to go and help; and having her full and glad +permission to leave her alone, I went off, following her directions: +through the farmyard, past the cattle-pond, into the ashfield, beyond +into the higher field with two holly-bushes in the middle. I arrived +there: there was Betty with all the farming men, and a cleared field, +and a heavily laden cart; one man at the top of the great pile ready to +catch the fragrant hay which the others threw up to him with their +pitchforks; a little heap of cast-off clothes in a corner of the field +(for the heat, even at seven o'clock, was insufferable), a few cans and +baskets, and Rover lying by them panting, and keeping watch. Plenty of +loud, hearty, cheerful talking; but no minister, no Phillis, no Mr +Holdsworth. Betty saw me first, and understanding who it was that I was +in search of, she came towards me. + +'They're out yonder--agait wi' them things o' Measter Holdsworth's.' So +'out yonder' I went; out on to a broad upland common, full of red +sand-banks, and sweeps and hollows; bordered by dark firs, purple in +the coming shadows, but near at hand all ablaze with flowering gorse, +or, as we call it in the south, furze-bushes, which, seen against the +belt of distant trees, appeared brilliantly golden. On this heath, a +little way from the field-gate, I saw the three. I counted their heads, +joined together in an eager group over Holdsworth's theodolite. He was +teaching the minister the practical art of surveying and taking a +level. I was wanted to assist, and was quickly set to work to hold the +chain. Phillis was as intent as her father; she had hardly time to +greet me, so desirous was she to hear some answer to her father's +question. So we went on, the dark clouds still gathering, for perhaps +five minutes after my arrival. Then came the blinding lightning and the +rumble and quick-following rattling peal of thunder right over our +heads. It came sooner than I expected, sooner than they had looked for: +the rain delayed not; it came pouring down; and what were we to do for +shelter? Phillis had nothing on but her indoor things--no bonnet, no +shawl. Quick as the darting lightning around us, Holdsworth took off +his coat and wrapped it round her neck and shoulders, and, almost +without a word, hurried us all into such poor shelter as one of the +overhanging sand-banks could give. There we were, cowered down, close +together, Phillis innermost, almost too tightly packed to free her arms +enough to divest herself of the coat, which she, in her turn, tried to +put lightly over Holdsworth's shoulders. In doing so she touched his +shirt. + +'Oh, how wet you are!' she cried, in pitying dismay; 'and you've hardly +got over your fever! Oh, Mr Holdsworth, I am so sorry!' He turned his +head a little, smiling at her. + +'If I do catch cold, it is all my fault for having deluded you into +staying out here!' but she only murmured again, 'I am so sorry.' The +minister spoke now. 'It is a regular downpour. Please God that the hay +is saved! But there is no likelihood of its ceasing, and I had better +go home at once, and send you all some wraps; umbrellas will not be +safe with yonder thunder and lightning.' + +Both Holdsworth and I offered to go instead of him; but he was +resolved, although perhaps it would have been wiser if Holdsworth, wet +as he already was, had kept himself in exercise. As he moved off, +Phillis crept out, and could see on to the storm-swept heath. Part of +Holdsworth's apparatus still remained exposed to all the rain. Before +we could have any warning, she had rushed out of the shelter and +collected the various things, and brought them back in triumph to where +we crouched. Holdsworth had stood up, uncertain whether to go to her +assistance or not. She came running back, her long lovely hair floating +and dripping, her eyes glad and bright, and her colour freshened to a +glow of health by the exercise and the rain. + +'Now, Miss Holman, that's what I call wilful,' said Holdsworth, as she +gave them to him. 'No, I won't thank you' (his looks were thanking her +all the time). 'My little bit of dampness annoyed you, because you +thought I had got wet in your service; so you were determined to make +me as uncomfortable as you were yourself. It was an unchristian piece +of revenge!' + +His tone of badinage (as the French call it) would have been palpable +enough to any one accustomed to the world; but Phillis was not, and it +distressed or rather bewildered her. 'Unchristian' had to her a very +serious meaning; it was not a word to be used lightly; and though she +did not exactly understand what wrong it was that she was accused of +doing, she was evidently desirous to throw off the imputation. At first +her earnestness to disclaim unkind motives amused Holdsworth; while his +light continuance of the joke perplexed her still more; but at last he +said something gravely, and in too low a tone for me to hear, which +made her all at once become silent, and called out her blushes. After a +while, the minister came back, a moving mass of shawls, cloaks, and +umbrellas. Phillis kept very close to her father's side on our return +to the farm. She appeared to me to be shrinking away from Holdsworth, +while he had not the slightest variation in his manner from what it +usually was in his graver moods; kind, protecting, and thoughtful +towards her. Of course, there was a great commotion about our wet +clothes; but I name the little events of that evening now because I +wondered at the time what he had said in that low voice to silence +Phillis so effectually, and because, in thinking of their intercourse +by the light of future events, that evening stands out with some +prominence. I have said that after our removal to Hornby our +communications with the farm became almost of daily occurrence. Cousin +Holman and I were the two who had least to do with this intimacy. After +Mr Holdsworth regained his health, he too often talked above her head +in intellectual matters, and too often in his light bantering tone for +her to feel quite at her ease with him. I really believe that he +adopted this latter tone in speaking to her because he did not know +what to talk about to a purely motherly woman, whose intellect had +never been cultivated, and whose loving heart was entirely occupied +with her husband, her child, her household affairs and, perhaps, a +little with the concerns of the members of her husband's congregation, +because they, in a way, belonged to her husband. I had noticed before +that she had fleeting shadows of jealousy even of Phillis, when her +daughter and her husband appeared to have strong interests and +sympathies in things which were quite beyond her comprehension. I had +noticed it in my first acquaintance with them, I say, and had admired +the delicate tact which made the minister, on such occasions, bring the +conversation back to such subjects as those on which his wife, with her +practical experience of every-day life, was an authority; while +Phillis, devoted to her father, unconsciously followed his lead, +totally unaware, in her filial reverence, of his motive for doing so. + +To return to Holdsworth. The minister had at more than one time spoken +of him to me with slight distrust, principally occasioned by the +suspicion that his careless words were not always those of soberness +and truth. But it was more as a protest against the fascination which +the younger man evidently exercised over the elder one more as it were +to strengthen himself against yielding to this fascination--that the +minister spoke out to me about this failing of Holdsworth's, as it +appeared to him. In return Holdsworth was subdued by the minister's +uprightness and goodness, and delighted with his clear intellect--his +strong healthy craving after further knowledge. I never met two men who +took more thorough pleasure and relish in each other's society. To +Phillis his relation continued that of an elder brother: he directed +her studies into new paths, he patiently drew out the expression of +many of her thoughts, and perplexities, and unformed theories--scarcely +ever now falling into the vein of banter which she was so slow to +understand. + +One day--harvest-time--he had been drawing on a loose piece of +paper-sketching ears of corn, sketching carts drawn by bullocks and +laden with grapes--all the time talking with Phillis and me, cousin +Holman putting in her not pertinent remarks, when suddenly he said to +Phillis,-- + +'Keep your head still; I see a sketch! I have often tried to draw your +head from memory, and failed; but I think I can do it now. If I succeed +I will give it to your mother. You would like a portrait of your +daughter as Ceres, would you not, ma'am?' + +'I should like a picture of her; yes, very much, thank you, Mr +Holdsworth; but if you put that straw in her hair,' (he was holding +some wheat ears above her passive head, looking at the effect with an +artistic eye,) 'you'll ruffle her hair. Phillis, my dear, if you're to +have your picture taken, go up-stairs, and brush your hair smooth.' + +'Not on any account. I beg your pardon, but I want hair loosely +flowing.' He began to draw, looking intently at Phillis; I could see +this stare of his discomposed her--her colour came and went, her breath +quickened with the consciousness of his regard; at last, when he said, +'Please look at me for a minute or two, I want to get in the eyes,' she +looked up at him, quivered, and suddenly got up and left the room. He +did not say a word, but went on with some other part of the drawing; +his silence was unnatural, and his dark cheek blanched a little. Cousin +Holman looked up from her work, and put her spectacles down. + +'What's the matter? Where is she gone?' + +Holdsworth never uttered a word, but went on drawing. I felt obliged to +say something; it was stupid enough, but stupidity was better than +silence just then. + +'I'll go and call her,' said I. So I went into the hall, and to the +bottom of the stairs; but just as I was going to call Phillis, she came +down swiftly with her bonnet on, and saying, 'I'm going to father in +the five-acre,' passed out by the open 'rector,' right in front of the +house-place windows, and out at the little white side-gate. She had +been seen by her mother and Holdsworth, as she passed; so there was no +need for explanation, only cousin Holman and I had a long discussion as +to whether she could have found the room too hot, or what had +occasioned her sudden departure. Holdsworth was very quiet during all +the rest of that day; nor did he resume the portrait-taking by his own +desire, only at my cousin Holman's request the next time that he came; +and then he said he should not require any more formal sittings for +only such a slight sketch as he felt himself capable of making. Phillis +was just the same as ever the next time I saw her after her abrupt +passing me in the hall. She never gave any explanation of her rush out +of the room. + +So all things went on, at least as far as my observation reached at the +time, or memory can recall now, till the great apple-gathering of the +year. The nights were frosty, the mornings and evenings were misty, but +at mid-day all was sunny and bright, and it was one mid-day that both +of us being on the line near Heathbridge, and knowing that they were +gathering apples at the farm, we resolved to spend the men's +dinner-hour in going over there. We found the great clothes-baskets +full of apples, scenting the house, and stopping up the way; and an +universal air of merry contentment with this the final produce of the +year. The yellow leaves hung on the trees ready to flutter down at the +slightest puff of air; the great bushes of Michaelmas daisies in the +kitchen-garden were making their last show of flowers. We must needs +taste the fruit off the different trees, and pass our judgment as to +their flavour; and we went away with our pockets stuffed with those +that we liked best. As we had passed to the orchard, Holdsworth had +admired and spoken about some flower which he saw; it so happened he +had never seen this old-fashioned kind since the days of his boyhood. I +do not know whether he had thought anything more about this chance +speech of his, but I know I had not--when Phillis, who had been missing +just at the last moment of our hurried visit, re-appeared with a little +nosegay of this same flower, which she was tying up with a blade of +grass. She offered it to Holdsworth as he stood with her father on the +point of departure. I saw their faces. I saw for the first time an +unmistakable look of love in his black eyes; it was more than gratitude +for the little attention; it was tender and beseeching--passionate. She +shrank from it in confusion, her glance fell on me; and, partly to hide +her emotion, partly out of real kindness at what might appear +ungracious neglect of an older friend, she flew off to gather me a few +late-blooming China roses. But it was the first time she had ever done +anything of the kind for me. + +We had to walk fast to be back on the line before the men's return, so +we spoke but little to each other, and of course the afternoon was too +much occupied for us to have any talk. In the evening we went back to +our joint lodgings in Hornby. There, on the table, lay a letter for +Holdsworth, which had been forwarded to him from Eltham. As our tea +was ready, and I had had nothing to eat since morning, I fell to +directly without paying much attention to my companion as he opened and +read his letter. He was very silent for a few minutes; at length he +said, + +'Old fellow! I'm going to leave you!' + +'Leave me!' said I. 'How? When?' + +'This letter ought to have come to hand sooner. It is from Greathed the +engineer' (Greathed was well known in those days; he is dead now, and +his name half-forgotten); 'he wants to see me about some business; in +fact, I may as well tell you, Paul, this letter contains a very +advantageous proposal for me to go out to Canada, and superintend the +making of a line there.' + +I was in utter dismay. + +'But what will our company say to that?' + +'Oh, Greathed has the superintendence of this +line, you know; and he is going to be engineer in chief to this +Canadian line; many of the Shareholders in this company are going in +for the other, so I fancy they will make no difficulty in following +Greathed's lead. He says he has a young man ready to put in my place.' + +'I hate him,' said I. + +'Thank you,' said Holdsworth, laughing. + +'But you must not,' he resumed; 'for this is a very good thing for me, +and, of course, if no one can be found to take my inferior work, I +can't be spared to take the superior. I only wish I had received this +letter a day sooner. Every hour is of consequence, for Greathed says +they are threatening a rival line. Do you know, Paul, I almost fancy I +must go up to-night? I can take an engine back to Eltham, and catch the +night train. I should not like Greathed to think me luke-warm.' + +'But you'll come back?' I asked, distressed at the thought of this +sudden parting. + +'Oh, yes! At least I hope so. They may want me to go out by the next +steamer, that will be on Saturday.' He began to eat and drink standing, +but I think he was quite unconscious of the nature of either his food +or his drink. + +'I will go to-night. Activity and readiness go a long way in our +profession. Remember that, my boy! I hope I shall come back, but if I +don't, be sure and recollect all the words of wisdom that have fallen +from my lips. Now where's the portmanteau? If I can gain half an hour +for a gathering up of my things in Eltham, so much the better. I'm +clear of debt anyhow; and what I owe for my lodgings you can pay for me +out of my quarter's salary, due November 4th.' + +'Then you don't think you will come back?' I said, despondingly. + +'I will come back some time, never fear,' said he, kindly. 'I may be +back in a couple of days, having been found in-competent for the +Canadian work; or I may not be wanted to go out so soon as I now +anticipate. Anyhow you don't suppose I am going to forget you, Paul +this work out there ought not to take me above two years, and, perhaps, +after that, we may be employed together again.' Perhaps! I had very +little hope. The same kind of happy days never returns. However, I did +all I could in helping him: clothes, papers, books, instruments; how we +pushed and struggled--how I stuffed. All was done in a much shorter +time than we had calculated upon, when I had run down to the sheds to +order the engine. I was going to drive him to Eltham. We sate ready for +a summons. Holdsworth took up the little nosegay that he had brought +away from the Hope Farm, and had laid on the mantel-piece on first +coming into the room. He smelt at it, and caressed it with his lips. + +'What grieves me is that I did not know--that I have not said good-bye +to--to them.' + +He spoke in a grave tone, the shadow of the coming separation falling +upon him at last. + +'I will tell them,' said I. 'I am sure they will be very sorry.' Then +we were silent. + +'I never liked any family so much.' + +'I knew you would like them.' + +'How one's thoughts change,--this morning I was full of a hope, Paul.' +He paused, and then he said,-- + +'You put that sketch in carefully?' + +'That outline of a head?' asked I. But I knew he meant an abortive +sketch of Phillis, which had not been successful enough for him to +complete it with shading or colouring. + +'Yes. What a sweet innocent face it is! and yet so--Oh, dear!' He +sighed and got up, his hands in his pockets, to walk up and down the +room in evident disturbance of mind. He suddenly stopped opposite to me. + +'You'll tell them how it all was. Be sure and tell the good minister +that I was so sorry not to wish him good-bye, and to thank him and his +wife for all their kindness. As for Phillis,--please God in two years +I'll be back and tell her myself all in my heart.' + +'You love Phillis, then?' said I. + +'Love her! Yes, that I do. Who could help it, seeing her as I have +done? Her character as unusual and rare as her beauty! God bless her! +God keep her in her high tranquillity, her pure innocence.--Two years! +It is a long time.--But she lives in such seclusion, almost like the +sleeping beauty, Paul,'--(he was smiling now, though a minute before I +had thought him on the verge of tears,)--'but I shall come back like a +prince from Canada, and waken her to my love. I can't help hoping that +it won't be difficult, eh, Paul?' + +This touch of coxcombry displeased me a little, and I made no answer. +He went on, half apologetically,-- + +'You see, the salary they offer me is large; and beside that, this +experience will give me a name which will entitle me to expect a still +larger in any future undertaking.' + +'That won't influence Phillis.' + +'No! but it will make me more eligible in the eyes of her father and +mother.' I made no answer. + +'You give me your best wishes, Paul,' said he, almost pleading. 'You +would like me for a cousin?' + +I heard the scream and whistle of the engine ready down at the sheds. + +'Ay, that I should,' I replied, suddenly softened towards my friend now +that he was going away. 'I wish you were to be married to-morrow, and I +were to be best man.' + +'Thank you, lad. Now for this cursed portmanteau (how the minister +would be shocked); but it is heavy!' and off we sped into the darkness. +He only just caught the night train at Eltham, and I slept, desolately +enough, at my old lodgings at Miss Dawsons', for that night. Of course +the next few days I was busier than ever, doing both his work and my +own. Then came a letter from him, very short and affectionate. He was +going out in the Saturday steamer, as he had more than half expected; +and by the following Monday the man who was to succeed him would be +down at Eltham. There was a P.S., with only these words:--'My nosegay +goes with me to Canada, but I do not need it to remind me of Hope Farm.' + +Saturday came; but it was very late before I could go out to the farm. +It was a frosty night, the stars shone clear above me, and the road was +crisping beneath my feet. They must have heard my footsteps before I +got up to the house. They were sitting at their usual employments in +the house-place when I went in. Phillis's eyes went beyond me in their +look of welcome, and then fell in quiet disappointment on her work. + +'And where's Mr Holdsworth?' asked cousin Holman, in a minute or two. +'I hope his cold is not worse,--I did not like his short cough.' + +I laughed awkwardly; for I felt that I was the bearer of unpleasant +news. + +'His cold had need be better--for he's gone--gone away to Canada!' + +I purposely looked away from Phillis, as I thus abruptly told my news. + +'To Canada!' said the minister. + +'Gone away!' said his wife. But no word from Phillis. + +'Yes!' said I. 'He found a letter at Hornby when we got home the other +night--when we got home from here; he ought to have got it sooner; he +was ordered to go up to London directly, and to see some people about a +new line in Canada, and he's gone to lay it down; he has sailed to-day. +He was sadly grieved not to have time to come out and wish you all +good-by; but he started for London within two hours after he got that +letter. He bade me thank you most gratefully for all your kindnesses; +he was very sorry not to come here once again.' Phillis got up and left +the room with noiseless steps. + +'I am very sorry,' said the minister. + +'I am sure so am I!' said cousin Holman. 'I was real fond of that lad +ever since I nursed him last June after that bad fever.' + +The minister went on asking me questions respecting Holdsworth's future +plans; and brought out a large old-fashioned atlas, that he might find +out the exact places between which the new railroad was to run. Then +supper was ready; it was always on the table as soon as the clock on +the stairs struck eight, and down came Phillis--her face white and set, +her dry eyes looking defiance to me, for I am afraid I hurt her +maidenly pride by my glance of sympathetic interest as she entered the +room. Never a word did she say--never a question did she ask about the +absent friend, yet she forced herself to talk. + +And so it was all the next day. She was as pale as could be, like one +who has received some shock; but she would not let me talk to her, and +she tried hard to behave as usual. Two or three times I repeated, in +public, the various affectionate messages to the family with which I +was charged by Holdsworth; but she took no more notice of them than if +my words had been empty air. And in this mood I left her on the Sabbath +evening. + +My new master was not half so indulgent as my old one. He kept up +strict discipline as to hours, so that it was some time before I could +again go out, even to pay a call at the Hope Farm. + +It was a cold misty evening in November. The air, even indoors, seemed +full of haze; yet there was a great log burning on the hearth, which +ought to have made the room cheerful. Cousin Holman and Phillis were +sitting at the little round table before the fire, working away in +silence. The minister had his books out on the dresser, seemingly deep +in study, by the light of his solitary candle; perhaps the fear of +disturbing him made the unusual stillness of the room. But a welcome +was ready for me from all; not noisy, not demonstrative--that it never +was; my damp wrappers were taken off; the next meal was hastened, and a +chair placed for me on one side of the fire, so that I pretty much +commanded a view of the room. My eye caught on Phillis, looking so pale +and weary, and with a sort of aching tone (if I may call it so) in her +voice. She was doing all the accustomed things--fulfilling small +household duties, but somehow differently--I can't tell you how, for +she was just as deft and quick in her movements, only the light spring +was gone out of them. Cousin Holman began to question me; even the +minister put aside his books, and came and stood on the opposite side +of the fire-place, to hear what waft of intelligence I brought. I had +first to tell them why I had not been to see them for so long--more +than five weeks. The answer was simple enough; business and the +necessity of attending strictly to the orders of a new superintendent, +who had not yet learned trust, much less indulgence. The minister +nodded his approval of my conduct, and said,--'Right, Paul! "Servants, +obey in all things your master according to the flesh." I have had my +fears lest you had too much licence under Edward Holdsworth.' + +'Ah,' said cousin Holman, 'poor Mr Holdsworth, he'll be on the salt +seas by this time!' + +'No, indeed,' said I, 'he's landed. I have had a letter from him from +Halifax.' Immediately a shower of questions fell thick upon me. When? +How? What was he doing? How did he like it? What sort of a voyage? &c. + +'Many is the time we have thought of him when the wind was blowing so +hard; the old quince-tree is blown down, Paul, that on the right-hand +of the great pear-tree; it was blown down last Monday week, and it was +that night that I asked the minister to pray in an especial manner for +all them that went down in ships upon the great deep, and he said then, +that Mr Holdsworth might be already landed; but I said, even if the +prayer did not fit him, it was sure to be fitting somebody out at sea, +who would need the Lord's care. Both Phillis and I thought he would be +a month on the seas.' Phillis began to speak, but her voice did not +come rightly at first. It was a little higher pitched than usual, when +she said,-- + +'We thought he would be a month if he went in a sailing-vessel, or +perhaps longer. I suppose he went in a steamer?' + +'Old Obadiah Grimshaw was more than six weeks in getting to America,' +observed cousin Holman. + +'I presume he cannot as yet tell how he likes his new work?' asked the +minister. + +'No! he is but just landed; it is but one page long. I'll read it to +you, shall I?-- + +'"Dear Paul,--We are safe on shore, after a rough passage. Thought you +would like to hear this, but homeward-bound steamer is making signals +for letters. Will write again soon. It seems a year since I left +Hornby. Longer since I was at the farm. I have got my nosegay safe. +Remember me to the Holmans.--Yours, E. H."' + +'That's not much, certainly,' said the minister. 'But it's a comfort to +know he's on land these blowy nights.' + +Phillis said nothing. She kept her head bent down over her work; but I +don't think she put a stitch in, while I was reading the letter. I +wondered if she understood what nosegay was meant; but I could not +tell. When next she lifted up her face, there were two spots of +brilliant colour on the cheeks that had been so pale before. After I +had spent an hour or two there, I was bound to return back to Hornby. I +told them I did not know when I could come again, as we--by which I +mean the company--had undertaken the Hensleydale line; that branch for +which poor Holdsworth was surveying when he caught his fever. + +'But you'll have a holiday at Christmas,' said my cousin. 'Surely +they'll not be such heathens as to work you then?' + +'Perhaps the lad will be going home,' said the minister, as if to +mitigate his wife's urgency; but for all that, I believe he wanted me +to come. Phillis fixed her eyes on me with a wistful expression, hard +to resist. But, indeed, I had no thought of resisting. Under my new +master I had no hope of a holiday long enough to enable me to go to +Birmingham and see my parents with any comfort; and nothing could be +pleasanter to me than to find myself at home at my cousins' for a day +or two, then. So it was fixed that we were to meet in Hornby Chapel on +Christmas Day, and that I was to accompany them home after service, and +if possible to stay over the next day. + +I was not able to get to chapel till late on the appointed day, and so +I took a seat near the door in considerable shame, although it really +was not my fault. When the service was ended, I went and stood in the +porch to await the coming out of my cousins. Some worthy people +belonging to the congregation clustered into a group just where I +stood, and exchanged the good wishes of the season. It had just begun +to snow, and this occasioned a little delay, and they fell into further +conversation. I was not attending to what was not meant for me to hear, +till I caught the name of Phillis Holman. And then I listened; where +was the harm? + +'I never saw any one so changed!' + +'I asked Mrs Holman,' quoth another, '"Is Phillis well?" and she just +said she had been having a cold which had pulled her down; she did not +seem to think anything of it.' + +'They had best take care of her,' said one of the oldest of the good +ladies; 'Phillis comes of a family as is not long-lived. Her mother's +sister, Lydia Green, her own aunt as was, died of a decline just when +she was about this lass's age.' + +This ill-omened talk was broken in upon by the coming out of the +minister, his wife and daughter, and the consequent interchange of +Christmas compliments. I had had a shock, and felt heavy-hearted and +anxious, and hardly up to making the appropriate replies to the kind +greetings of my relations. I looked askance at Phillis. She had +certainly grown taller and slighter, and was thinner; but there was a +flush of colour on her face which deceived me for a time, and made me +think she was looking as well as ever. I only saw her paleness after we +had returned to the farm, and she had subsided into silence and quiet. +Her grey eyes looked hollow and sad; her complexion was of a dead +white. But she went about just as usual; at least, just as she had done +the last time I was there, and seemed to have no ailment; and I was +inclined to think that my cousin was right when she had answered the +inquiries of the good-natured gossips, and told them that Phillis was +suffering from the consequences of a bad cold, nothing more. I have +said that I was to stay over the next day; a great deal of snow had +come down, but not all, they said, though the ground was covered deep +with the white fall. The minister was anxiously housing his cattle, and +preparing all things for a long continuance of the same kind of +weather. The men were chopping wood, sending wheat to the mill to be +ground before the road should become impassable for a cart and horse. +My cousin and Phillis had gone up-stairs to the apple-room to cover up +the fruit from the frost. I had been out the greater part of the +morning, and came in about an hour before dinner. To my surprise, +knowing how she had planned to be engaged, I found Phillis sitting at +the dresser, resting her head on her two hands and reading, or seeming +to read. She did not look up when I came in, but murmured something +about her mother having sent her down out of the cold. It flashed +across me that she was crying, but I put it down to some little spirt +of temper; I might have known better than to suspect the gentle, serene +Phillis of crossness, poor girl; I stooped down, and began to stir and +build up the fire, which appeared to have been neglected. While my head +was down I heard a noise which made me pause and listen--a sob, an +unmistakable, irrepressible sob. I started up. + +'Phillis!' I cried, going towards her, with my hand out, to take hers +for sympathy with her sorrow, whatever it was. But she was too quick +for me, she held her hand out of my grasp, for fear of my detaining +her; as she quickly passed out of the house, she said,-- + +'Don't, Paul! I cannot bear it!' and passed me, still sobbing, and went +out into the keen, open air. + +I stood still and wondered. What could have come to Phillis? The most +perfect harmony prevailed in the family, and Phillis especially, good +and gentle as she was, was so beloved that if they had found out that +her finger ached, it would have cast a shadow over their hearts. Had I +done anything to vex her? No: she was crying before I came in. I went +to look at her book--one of those unintelligible Italian books. I could +make neither head nor tail of it. I saw some pencil-notes on the +margin, in Holdsworth's handwriting. + +Could that be it? Could that be the cause of her white looks, her weary +eyes, her wasted figure, her struggling sobs? This idea came upon me +like a flash of lightning on a dark night, making all things so clear +we cannot forget them afterwards when the gloomy obscurity returns. I +was still standing with the book in my hand when I heard cousin +Holman's footsteps on the stairs, and as I did not wish to speak to her +just then, I followed Phillis's example, and rushed out of the house. +The snow was lying on the ground; I could track her feet by the marks +they had made; I could see where Rover had joined her. I followed on +till I came to a great stack of wood in the orchard--it was built up +against the back wall of the outbuildings,--and I recollected then how +Phillis had told me, that first day when we strolled about together, +that underneath this stack had been her hermitage, her sanctuary, when +she was a child; how she used to bring her book to study there, or her +work, when she was not wanted in the house; and she had now evidently +gone back to this quiet retreat of her childhood, forgetful of the clue +given me by her footmarks on the new-fallen snow. The stack was built +up very high; but through the interstices of the sticks I could see her +figure, although I did not all at once perceive how I could get to her. +She was sitting on a log of wood, Rover by her. She had laid her cheek +on Rover's head, and had her arm round his neck, partly for a pillow, +partly from an instinctive craving for warmth on that bitter cold day. +She was making a low moan, like an animal in pain, or perhaps more like +the sobbing of the wind. Rover, highly flattered by her caress, and +also, perhaps, touched by sympathy, was flapping his heavy tail against +the ground, but not otherwise moving a hair, until he heard my approach +with his quick erected ears. Then, with a short, abrupt bark of +distrust, he sprang up as if to leave his mistress. Both he and I were +immovably still for a moment. I was not sure if what I longed to do was +wise: and yet I could not bear to see the sweet serenity of my dear +cousin's life so disturbed by a suffering which I thought I could +assuage. But Rover's ears were sharper than my breathing was noiseless: +he heard me, and sprang out from under Phillis's restraining hand. + +'Oh, Rover, don't you leave me, too,' she plained out. + +'Phillis!' said I, seeing by Rover's exit that the entrance to where +she sate was to be found on the other side of the stack. 'Phillis, come +out! You have got a cold already; and it is not fit for you to sit +there on such a day as this. You know how displeased and anxious it +would make them all.' + +She sighed, but obeyed; stooping a little, she came out, and stood +upright, opposite to me in the lonely, leafless orchard. Her face +looked so meek and so sad that I felt as if I ought to beg her pardon +for my necessarily authoritative words. + +'Sometimes I feel the house so close,' she said; 'and I used to sit +under the wood-stack when I was a child. It was very kind of you, but +there was no need to come after me. I don't catch cold easily.' + +'Come with me into this cow-house, Phillis. I have got something to say +to you; and I can't stand this cold, if you can.' + +I think she would have fain run away again; but her fit of energy was +all spent. She followed me unwillingly enough that I could see. The +place to which I took her was full of the fragrant breath of the cows, +and was a little warmer than the outer air. I put her inside, and stood +myself in the doorway, thinking how I could best begin. At last I +plunged into it. + +'I must see that you don't get cold for more reasons than one; if you +are ill, Holdsworth will be so anxious and miserable out there' (by +which I meant Canada)-- + +She shot one penetrating look at me, and then turned her face away with +a slightly impatient movement. If she could have run away then she +would, but I held the means of exit in my own power. 'In for a penny, +in for a pound,' thought I, and I went on rapidly, anyhow. + +'He talked so much about you, just before he left--that night after he +had been here, you know--and you had given him those flowers.' She put +her hands up to hide her face, but she was listening now--listening +with all her ears. 'He had never spoken much about you before, but the +sudden going away unlocked his heart, and he told me how he loved you, +and how he hoped on his return that you might be his wife.' + +'Don't,' said she, almost gasping out the word, which she had tried +once or twice before to speak; but her voice had been choked. Now she +put her hand backwards; she had quite turned away from me, and felt for +mine. She gave it a soft lingering pressure; and then she put her arms +down on the wooden division, and laid her head on it, and cried quiet +tears. I did not understand her at once, and feared lest I had mistaken +the whole case, and only annoyed her. I went up to her. 'Oh, Phillis! I +am so sorry--I thought you would, perhaps, have cared to hear it; he +did talk so feelingly, as if he did love you so much, and somehow I +thought it would give you pleasure.' + +She lifted up her head and looked at me. Such a look! Her eyes, +glittering with tears as they were, expressed an almost heavenly +happiness; her tender mouth was curved with rapture--her colour vivid +and blushing; but as if she was afraid her face expressed too much, +more than the thankfulness to me she was essaying to speak, she hid it +again almost immediately. So it was all right then, and my conjecture +was well-founded! I tried to remember something more to tell her of +what he had said, but again she stopped me. + +'Don't,' she said. She still kept her face covered and hidden. In half +a minute she added, in a very low voice, 'Please, Paul, I think I would +rather not hear any more I don't mean but what I have--but what I am +very much obliged--Only--only, I think I would rather hear the rest +from himself when he comes back.' + +And then she cried a little more, in quite a different way. I did not +say any more, I waited for her. By-and-by she turned towards me--not +meeting my eyes, however; and putting her hand in mine just as if we +were two children, she said,-- + +'We had best go back now--I don't look as if I had been crying, do I?' + +'You look as if you had a bad cold,' was all the answer I made. + +'Oh! but I am quite well, only cold; and a good run will warm me. Come +along, Paul.' + +So we ran, hand in hand, till, just as we were on the threshold of the +house, she stopped,-- + +'Paul, please, we won't speak about that again.' + + + + +PART IV + + +When I went over on Easter Day I heard the chapel-gossips complimenting +cousin Holman on her daughter's blooming looks, quite forgetful of +their sinister prophecies three months before. And I looked at Phillis, +and did not wonder at their words. I had not seen her since the day +after Christmas Day. I had left the Hope Farm only a few hours after I +had told her the news which had quickened her heart into renewed life +and vigour. The remembrance of our conversation in the cow-house was +vividly in my mind as I looked at her when her bright healthy +appearance was remarked upon. As her eyes met mine our mutual +recollections flashed intelligence from one to the other. She turned +away, her colour heightening as she did so. She seemed to be shy of me +for the first few hours after our meeting, and I felt rather vexed with +her for her conscious avoidance of me after my long absence. I had +stepped a little out of my usual line in telling her what I did; not +that I had received any charge of secrecy, or given even the slightest +promise to Holdsworth that I would not repeat his words. But I had an +uneasy feeling sometimes when I thought of what I had done in the +excitement of seeing Phillis so ill and in so much trouble. I meant to +have told Holdsworth when I wrote next to him; but when I had my +half-finished letter before me I sate with my pen in my hand +hesitating. I had more scruple in revealing what I had found out or +guessed at of Phillis's secret than in repeating to her his spoken +words. I did not think I had any right to say out to him what I +believed--namely, that she loved him dearly, and had felt his absence +even to the injury of her health. Yet to explain what I had done in +telling her how he had spoken about her that last night, it would be +necessary to give my reasons, so I had settled within myself to leave +it alone. As she had told me she should like to hear all the details +and fuller particulars and more explicit declarations first from him, +so he should have the pleasure of extracting the delicious tender +secret from her maidenly lips. I would not betray my guesses, my +surmises, my all but certain knowledge of the state of her heart. I had +received two letters from him after he had settled to his business; +they were full of life and energy; but in each there had been a message +to the family at the Hope Farm of more than common regard; and a slight +but distinct mention of Phillis herself, showing that she stood single +and alone in his memory. These letters I had sent on to the minister, +for he was sure to care for them, even supposing he had been +unacquainted with their writer, because they were so clever and so +picturesquely worded that they brought, as it were, a whiff of foreign +atmosphere into his circumscribed life. I used to wonder what was the +trade or business in which the minister would not have thriven, +mentally I mean, if it had so happened that he had been called into +that state. He would have made a capital engineer, that I know; and he +had a fancy for the sea, like many other land-locked men to whom the +great deep is a mystery and a fascination. He read law-books with +relish; and, once happening to borrow De Lolme on the British +Constitution (or some such title), he talked about jurisprudence till +he was far beyond my depth. But to return to Holdsworth's letters. When +the minister sent them back he also wrote out a list of questions +suggested by their perusal, which I was to pass on in my answers to +Holdsworth, until I thought of suggesting direct correspondence between +the two. That was the state of things as regarded the absent one when I +went to the farm for my Easter visit, and when I found Phillis in that +state of shy reserve towards me which I have named before. I thought +she was ungrateful; for I was not quite sure if I had done wisely in +having told her what I did. I had committed a fault, or a folly, +perhaps, and all for her sake; and here was she, less friends with me +than she had even been before. This little estrangement only lasted a +few hours. I think that as soon as she felt pretty sure of there being +no recurrence, either by word, look, or allusion, to the one subject +that was predominant in her mind, she came back to her old sisterly +ways with me. She had much to tell me of her own familiar interests; +how Rover had been ill, and how anxious they had all of them been, and +how, after some little discussion between her father and her, both +equally grieved by the sufferings of the old dog, he had been +remembered in the household prayers', and how he had begun to get +better only the very next day, and then she would have led me into a +conversation on the right ends of prayer, and on special providences, +and I know not what; only I 'jibbed' like their old cart-horse, and +refused to stir a step in that direction. Then we talked about the +different broods of chickens, and she showed me the hens that were good +mothers, and told me the characters of all the poultry with the utmost +good faith; and in all good faith I listened, for I believe there was a +good deal of truth in all she said. And then we strolled on into the +wood beyond the ash-meadow, and both of us sought for early primroses, +and the fresh green crinkled leaves. She was not afraid of being alone +with me after the first day. I never saw her so lovely, or so happy. I +think she hardly knew why she was so happy all the time. I can see her +now, standing under the budding branches of the grey trees, over which +a tinge of green seemed to be deepening day after day, her sun-bonnet +fallen back on her neck, her hands full of delicate wood-flowers, quite +unconscious of my gaze, but intent on sweet mockery of some bird in +neighbouring bush or tree. She had the art of warbling, and replying to +the notes of different birds, and knew their song, their habits and +ways, more accurately than any one else I ever knew. She had often done +it at my request the spring before; but this year she really gurgled, +and whistled, and warbled just as they did, out of the very fulness and +joy of her heart. She was more than ever the very apple of her father's +eye; her mother gave her both her own share of love, and that of the +dead child who had died in infancy. I have heard cousin Holman murmur, +after a long dreamy look at Phillis, and tell herself how like she was +growing to Johnnie, and soothe herself with plaintive inarticulate +sounds, and many gentle shakes of the head, for the aching sense of +loss she would never get over in this world. The old servants about the +place had the dumb loyal attachment to the child of the land, common to +most agricultural labourers; not often stirred into activity or +expression. My cousin Phillis was like a rose that had come to full +bloom on the sunny side of a lonely house, sheltered from storms. I +have read in some book of poetry,-- + +A maid whom there were none to praise, And very few to love. + +And somehow those lines always reminded me of Phillis; yet they were +not true of her either. I never heard her praised; and out of her own +household there were very few to love her; but though no one spoke out +their approbation, she always did right in her parents' eyes out of her +natural simple goodness and wisdom. Holdsworth's name was never +mentioned between us when we were alone; but I had sent on his letters +to the minister, as I have said; and more than once he began to talk +about our absent friend, when he was smoking his pipe after the day's +work was done. Then Phillis hung her head a little over her work, and +listened in silence. + +'I miss him more than I thought for; no offence to you, Paul. I said +once his company was like dram-drinking; that was before I knew him; +and perhaps I spoke in a spirit of judgment. To some men's minds +everything presents itself strongly, and they speak accordingly; and so +did he. And I thought in my vanity of censorship that his were not true +and sober words; they would not have been if I had used them, but they +were so to a man of his class of perceptions. I thought of the measure +with which I had been meting to him when Brother Robinson was here last +Thursday, and told me that a poor little quotation I was making from +the Georgics savoured of vain babbling and profane heathenism. He went +so far as to say that by learning other languages than our own, we were +flying in the face of the Lord's purpose when He had said, at the +building of the Tower of Babel, that He would confound their languages +so that they should not understand each other's speech. As Brother +Robinson was to me, so was I to the quick wits, bright senses, and +ready words of Holdsworth.' + +The first little cloud upon my peace came in the shape of a letter from +Canada, in which there were two or three sentences that troubled me +more than they ought to have done, to judge merely from the words +employed. It was this:--'I should feel dreary enough in this +out-of-the-way place if it were not for a friendship I have formed with +a French Canadian of the name of Ventadour. He and his family are a +great resource to me in the long evenings. I never heard such delicious +vocal music as the voices of these Ventadour boys and girls in their +part songs; and the foreign element retained in their characters and +manner of living reminds me of some of the happiest days of my life. +Lucille, the second daughter, is curiously like Phillis Holman.' In +vain I said to myself that it was probably this likeness that made him +take pleasure in the society of the Ventadour family. In vain I told my +anxious fancy that nothing could be more natural than this intimacy, +and that there was no sign of its leading to any consequence that ought +to disturb me. I had a presentiment, and I was disturbed; and I could +not reason it away. I dare say my presentiment was rendered more +persistent and keen by the doubts which would force themselves into my +mind, as to whether I had done well in repeating Holdsworth's words to +Phillis. Her state of vivid happiness this summer was markedly +different to the peaceful serenity of former days. If in my +thoughtfulness at noticing this I caught her eye, she blushed and +sparkled all over, guessing that I was remembering our joint secret. +Her eyes fell before mine, as if she could hardly bear me to see the +revelation of their bright glances. And yet I considered again, and +comforted myself by the reflection that, if this change had been +anything more than my silly fancy, her father or her mother would have +perceived it. But they went on in tranquil unconsciousness and +undisturbed peace. + +A change in my own life was quickly approaching. In the July of this +year my occupation on the ---- railway and its branches came to an end. +The lines were completed, and I was to leave ----shire, to return to +Birmingham, where there was a niche already provided for me in my +father's prosperous business. But before I left the north it was an +understood thing amongst us all that I was to go and pay a visit of +some weeks at the Hope Farm. My father was as much pleased at this plan +as I was; and the dear family of cousins often spoke of things to be +done, and sights to be shown me, during this visit. My want of wisdom +in having told 'that thing' (under such ambiguous words I concealed the +injudicious confidence I had made to Phillis) was the only drawback to +my anticipations of pleasure. + +The ways of life were too simple at the Hope Farm for my coming to them +to make the slightest disturbance. I knew my room, like a son of the +house. I knew the regular course of their days, and that I was expected +to fall into it, like one of the family. Deep summer peace brooded over +the place; the warm golden air was filled with the murmur of insects +near at hand, the more distant sound of voices out in the fields, the +clear faraway rumble of carts over the stone-paved lanes miles away. +The heat was too great for the birds to be singing; only now and then +one might hear the wood-pigeons in the trees beyond the Ashfield. The +cattle stood knee-deep in the pond, flicking their tails about to keep +off the flies. The minister stood in the hay-field, without hat or +cravat, coat or waistcoat, panting and smiling. Phillis had been +leading the row of farm-servants, turning the swathes of fragrant hay +with measured movement. She went to the end--to the hedge, and then, +throwing down her rake, she came to me with her free sisterly welcome. +'Go, Paul!' said the minister. 'We need all hands to make use of the +sunshine to-day. "Whatsoever thine hand findeth to do, do it with all +thy might." It will be a healthy change of work for thee, lad; and I +find best rest in change of work.' So off I went, a willing labourer, +following Phillis's lead; it was the primitive distinction of rank; the +boy who frightened the sparrows off the fruit was the last in our rear. +We did not leave off till the red sun was gone down behind the +fir-trees bordering the common. Then we went home to +supper--prayers--to bed; some bird singing far into the night, as I +heard it through my open window, and the poultry beginning their +clatter and cackle in the earliest morning. I had carried what luggage +I immediately needed with me from my lodgings and the rest was to be +sent by the carrier. He brought it to the farm betimes that morning, +and along with it he brought a letter or two that had arrived since I +had left. I was talking to cousin Holman--about my mother's ways of +making bread, I remember; cousin Holman was questioning me, and had got +me far beyond my depth--in the house-place, when the letters were +brought in by one of the men, and I had to pay the carrier for his +trouble before I could look at them. A bill--a Canadian letter! What +instinct made me so thankful that I was alone with my dear unobservant +cousin? What made me hurry them away into my coat-pocket? I do not +know. I felt strange and sick, and made irrelevant answers, I am +afraid. Then I went to my room, ostensibly to carry up my boxes. I sate +on the side of my bed and opened my letter from Holdsworth. It seemed +to me as if I had read its contents before, and knew exactly what he +had got to say. I knew he was going to be married to Lucille Ventadour; +nay, that he was married; for this was the 5th of July, and he wrote +word that his marriage was fixed to take place on the 29th of June. I +knew all the reasons he gave, all the raptures he went into. I held the +letter loosely in my hands, and looked into vacancy, yet I saw the +chaffinch's nest on the lichen-covered trunk of an old apple-tree +opposite my window, and saw the mother-bird come fluttering in to feed +her brood,--and yet I did not see it, although it seemed to me +afterwards as if I could have drawn every fibre, every feather. I was +stirred up to action by the merry sound of voices and the clamp of +rustic feet coming home for the mid-day meal. I knew I must go down to +dinner; I knew, too, I must tell Phillis; for in his happy egotism, his +new-fangled foppery, Holdsworth had put in a P.S., saying that he +should send wedding-cards to me and some other Hornby and Eltham +acquaintances, and 'to his kind friends at Hope Farm'. Phillis had +faded away to one among several 'kind friends'. I don't know how I got +through dinner that day. I remember forcing myself to eat, and talking +hard; but I also recollect the wondering look in the minister's eyes. +He was not one to think evil without cause; but many a one would have +taken me for drunk. As soon as I decently could I left the table, +saying I would go out for a walk. At first I must have tried to stun +reflection by rapid walking, for I had lost myself on the high +moorlands far beyond the familiar gorse-covered common, before I was +obliged for very weariness to slacken my pace. I kept wishing--oh! how +fervently wishing I had never committed that blunder; that the one +little half-hour's indiscretion could be blotted out. Alternating with +this was anger against Holdsworth; unjust enough, I dare say. I suppose +I stayed in that solitary place for a good hour or more, and then I +turned homewards, resolving to get over the telling Phillis at the +first opportunity, but shrinking from the fulfilment of my resolution +so much that when I came into the house and saw Phillis (doors and +windows open wide in the sultry weather) alone in the kitchen, I became +quite sick with apprehension. She was standing by the dresser, cutting +up a great household loaf into hunches of bread for the hungry +labourers who might come in any minute, for the heavy thunder-clouds +were overspreading the sky. She looked round as she heard my step. + +'You should have been in the field, helping with the hay,' said she, in +her calm, pleasant voice. I had heard her as I came near the house +softly chanting some hymn-tune, and the peacefulness of that seemed to +be brooding over her now. + +'Perhaps I should. It looks as if it was going to rain.' + +'Yes; there is thunder about. Mother has had to go to bed with one of +her bad headaches. Now you are come in-- + +'Phillis,' said I, rushing at my subject and interrupting her, 'I went +a long walk to think over a letter I had this morning--a letter from +Canada. You don't know how it has grieved me.' I held it out to her as I +spoke. Her colour changed a little, but it was more the reflection of +my face, I think, than because she formed any definite idea from my +words. Still she did not take the letter. I had to bid her to read it, +before she quite understood what I wished. She sate down rather +suddenly as she received it into her hands; and, spreading it on the +dresser before her, she rested her forehead on the palms of her hands, +her arms supported on the table, her figure a little averted, and her +countenance thus shaded. I looked out of the open window; my heart was +very heavy. How peaceful it all seemed in the farmyard! Peace and +plenty. How still and deep was the silence of the house! Tick-tick went +the unseen clock on the wide staircase. I had heard the rustle once, +when she turned over the page of thin paper. She must have read to the +end. Yet she did not move, or say a word, or even sigh. I kept on +looking out of the window, my hands in my pockets. I wonder how long +that time really was? It seemed to me interminable--unbearable. At +length I looked round at her. She must have felt my look, for she +changed her attitude with a quick sharp movement, and caught my eyes. + +'Don't look so sorry, Paul,' she said. 'Don't, please. I can't bear it. +There is nothing to be sorry for. I think not, at least. You have not +done wrong, at any rate.' I felt that I groaned, but I don't think she +heard me. 'And he,--there's no wrong in his marrying, is there? I'm +sure I hope he'll be happy. Oh! how I hope it!' These last words were +like a wail; but I believe she was afraid of breaking down, for she +changed the key in which she spoke, and hurried on. + +'Lucille--that's our English Lucy, I suppose? Lucille Holdsworth! It's +a pretty name; and I hope--I forget what I was going to say. Oh! it was +this. Paul, I think we need never speak about this again; only remember +you are not to be sorry. You have not done wrong; you have been very, +very kind; and if I see you looking grieved I don't know what I might +do;--I might breakdown, you know.' I think she was on the point of +doing so then, but the dark storm came dashing down, and the +thunder-cloud broke right above the house, as it seemed. Her mother, +roused from sleep, called out for Phillis; the men and women from the +hay-field came running into shelter, drenched through. The minister +followed, smiling, and not unpleasantly excited by the war of elements; +for, by dint of hard work through the long summer's day, the greater +part of the hay was safely housed in the barn in the field. Once or +twice in the succeeding bustle I came across Phillis, always busy, and, +as it seemed to me, always doing the right thing. When I was alone in +my own room at night I allowed myself to feel relieved; and to believe +that the worst was over, and was not so very bad after all. But the +succeeding days were very miserable. Sometimes I thought it must be my +fancy that falsely represented Phillis to me as strangely changed, for +surely, if this idea of mine was well-founded, her parents--her father +and mother--her own flesh and blood--would have been the first to +perceive it. Yet they went on in their household peace and content; if +anything, a little more cheerfully than usual, for the 'harvest of the +first-fruits', as the minister called it, had been more bounteous than +usual, and there was plenty all around in which the humblest labourer +was made to share. After the one thunderstorm, came one or two lovely +serene summer days, during which the hay was all carried; and then +succeeded long soft rains filling the ears of corn, and causing the +mown grass to spring afresh. The minister allowed himself a few more +hours of relaxation and home enjoyment than usual during this wet +spell: hard earth-bound frost was his winter holiday; these wet days, +after the hay harvest, his summer holiday. We sate with open windows, +the fragrance and the freshness called out by the soft-falling rain +filling the house-place; while the quiet ceaseless patter among the +leaves outside ought to have had the same lulling effect as all other +gentle perpetual sounds, such as mill-wheels and bubbling springs, have +on the nerves of happy people. But two of us were not happy. I was sure +enough of myself, for one. I was worse than sure,--I was wretchedly +anxious about Phillis. Ever since that day of the thunderstorm there +had been a new, sharp, discordant sound to me in her voice, a sort of +jangle in her tone; and her restless eyes had no quietness in them; and +her colour came and went without a cause that I could find out. The +minister, happy in ignorance of what most concerned him, brought out +his books; his learned volumes and classics. Whether he read and talked +to Phillis, or to me, I do not know; but feeling by instinct that she +was not, could not be, attending to the peaceful details, so strange +and foreign to the turmoil in her heart, I forced myself to listen, and +if possible to understand. + +'Look here!' said the minister, tapping the old vellum-bound book he +held; 'in the first Georgic he speaks of rolling and irrigation, a +little further on he insists on choice of the best seed, and advises us +to keep the drains clear. Again, no Scotch farmer could give shrewder +advice than to cut light meadows while the dew is on, even though it +involve night-work. It is all living truth in these days.' He began +beating time with a ruler upon his knee, to some Latin lines he read +aloud just then. I suppose the monotonous chant irritated Phillis to +some irregular energy, for I remember the quick knotting and breaking +of the thread with which she was sewing. I never hear that snap +repeated now, without suspecting some sting or stab troubling the heart +of the worker. Cousin Holman, at her peaceful knitting, noticed the +reason why Phillis had so constantly to interrupt the progress of her +seam. + +'It is bad thread, I'm afraid,' she said, in a gentle sympathetic +voice. But it was too much for Phillis. + +'The thread is bad--everything is bad--I am so tired of it all!' And +she put down her work, and hastily left the room. I do not suppose that +in all her life Phillis had ever shown so much temper before. In many a +family the tone, the manner, would not have been noticed; but here it +fell with a sharp surprise upon the sweet, calm atmosphere of home. The +minister put down ruler and book, and pushed his spectacles up to his +forehead. The mother looked distressed for a moment, and then smoothed +her features and said in an explanatory tone,--'It's the weather, I +think. Some people feel it different to others. It always brings on a +headache with me.' She got up to follow her daughter, but half-way to +the door she thought better of it, and came back to her seat. Good +mother! she hoped the better to conceal the unusual spirt of temper, by +pretending not to take much notice of it. 'Go on, minister,' she said; +'it is very interesting what you are reading about, and when I don't +quite understand it, I like the sound of your voice.' So he went on, +but languidly and irregularly, and beat no more time with his ruler to +any Latin lines. When the dusk came on, early that July night because +of the cloudy sky, Phillis came softly back, making as though nothing +had happened. She took up her work, but it was too dark to do many +stitches; and she dropped it soon. Then I saw how her hand stole into +her mother's, and how this latter fondled it with quiet little +caresses, while the minister, as fully aware as I was of this tender +pantomime, went on talking in a happier tone of voice about things as +uninteresting to him, at the time, I very believe, as they were to me; +and that is saying a good deal, and shows how much more real what was +passing before him was, even to a farmer, than the agricultural customs +of the ancients. + +I remember one thing more,--an attack which Betty the servant made upon +me one day as I came in through the kitchen where she was churning, and +stopped to ask her for a drink of buttermilk. + +'I say, cousin Paul,' (she had adopted the family habit of addressing +me generally as cousin Paul, and always speaking of me in that form,) +'something's amiss with our Phillis, and I reckon you've a good guess +what it is. She's not one to take up wi' such as you,' (not +complimentary, but that Betty never was, even to those for whom she +felt the highest respect,) 'but I'd as lief yon Holdsworth had never +come near us. So there you've a bit o' my mind.' And a very +unsatisfactory bit it was. I did not know what to answer to the glimpse +at the real state of the case implied in the shrewd woman's speech; so +I tried to put her off by assuming surprise at her first assertion. + +'Amiss with Phillis! I should like to know why you think anything is +wrong with her. She looks as blooming as any one can do.' + +'Poor lad! you're but a big child after all; and you've likely never +heared of a fever-flush. But you know better nor that, my fine fellow! +so don't think for to put me off wi' blooms and blossoms and such-like +talk. What makes her walk about for hours and hours o' nights when she +used to be abed and asleep? I sleep next room to her, and hear her +plain as can be. What makes her come in panting and ready to drop into +that chair,'--nodding to one close to the door,--'and it's "Oh! Betty, +some water, please"? That's the way she comes in now, when she used to +come back as fresh and bright as she went out. If yon friend o' yours +has played her false, he's a deal for t' answer for; she's a lass who's +as sweet and as sound as a nut, and the very apple of her father's eye, +and of her mother's too' only wi' her she ranks second to th' minister. +You'll have to look after yon chap, for I, for one, will stand no wrong +to our Phillis.' + +What was I to do, or to say? I wanted to justify Holdsworth, to keep +Phillis's secret, and to pacify the woman all in the same breath. I did +not take the best course, I'm afraid. + +'I don't believe Holdsworth ever spoke a word of--of love to her in all +his life. I'm sure he didn't.' + +'Ay. Ay! but there's eyes, and there's hands, as well as tongues; and a +man has two o' th' one and but one o' t'other.' + +'And she's so young; do you suppose her parents would not have seen it?' + +'Well! if you axe me that, I'll say out boldly, "No". They've called +her "the child" so long--"the child" is always their name for her when +they talk on her between themselves, as if never anybody else had a +ewe-lamb before them--that she's grown up to be a woman under their +very eyes, and they look on her still as if she were in her long +clothes. And you ne'er heard on a man falling in love wi' a babby in +long clothes!' + +'No!' said I, half laughing. But she went on as grave as a judge. + +'Ay! you see you'll laugh at the bare thought on it--and I'll be bound +th' minister, though he's not a laughing man, would ha' sniggled at th' +notion of falling in love wi' the child. Where's Holdsworth off to?' + +'Canada,' said I, shortly. + +'Canada here, Canada there,' she replied, testily. 'Tell me how far +he's off, instead of giving me your gibberish. Is he a two days' +journey away? or a three? or a week?' + +'He's ever so far off--three weeks at the least,' cried I in despair. +'And he's either married, or just going to be. So there.' I expected a +fresh burst of anger. But no; the matter was too serious. Betty sate +down, and kept silence for a minute or two. She looked so miserable and +downcast, that I could not help going on, and taking her a little into +my confidence. + +'It is quite true what I said. I know he never spoke a word to her. I +think he liked her, but it's all over now. The best thing we can +do--the best and kindest for her--and I know you love her, Betty--' + +'I nursed her in my arms; I gave her little brother his last taste o' +earthly food,' said Betty, putting her apron up to her eyes. + +'Well! don't let us show her we guess that she is grieving; she'll get +over it the sooner. Her father and mother don't even guess at it, and +we must make as if we didn't. It's too late now to do anything else.' + +'I'll never let on; I know nought. I've known true love mysel', in my +day. But I wish he'd been farred before he ever came near this house, +with his "Please Betty" this, and "Please Betty" that, and drinking up +our new milk as if he'd been a cat. I hate such beguiling ways.' + +I thought it was as well to let her exhaust herself in abusing the +absent Holdsworth; if it was shabby and treacherous in me, I came in +for my punishment directly. + +'It's a caution to a man how he goes about beguiling. Some men do it as +easy and innocent as cooing doves. Don't you be none of 'em, my lad. +Not that you've got the gifts to do it, either; you're no great shakes +to look at, neither for figure, nor yet for face, and it would need be +a deaf adder to be taken in wi' your words, though there may be no +great harm in em.' A lad of nineteen or twenty is not flattered by such +an out-spoken opinion even from the oldest and ugliest of her sex; and +I was only too glad to change the subject by my repeated injunctions to +keep Phillis's secret. The end of our conversation was this speech of +hers,-- + +'You great gaupus, for all you're called cousin o' th' minister--many a +one is cursed wi' fools for cousins--d'ye think I can't see sense +except through your spectacles? I give you leave to cut out my tongue, +and nail it up on th' barn-door for a caution to magpies, if I let out +on that poor wench, either to herself, or any one that is hers, as the +Bible says. Now you've heard me speak Scripture language, perhaps +you'll be content, and leave me my kitchen to myself.' + +During all these days, from the 5th of July to the 17th, I must have +forgotten what Holdsworth had said about cards. And yet I think I could +not have quite forgotten; but, once having told Phillis about his +marriage, I must have looked upon the after consequence of cards as of +no importance. At any rate they came upon me as a surprise at last. The +penny-post reform, as people call it, had come into operation a short +time before; but the never-ending stream of notes and letters which +seem now to flow in upon most households had not yet begun its course; +at least in those remote parts. There was a post-office at Hornby; and +an old fellow, who stowed away the few letters in any or all his +pockets, as it best suited him, was the letter-carrier to Heathbridge +and the neighbourhood. I have often met him in the lanes thereabouts, +and asked him for letters. Sometimes I have come upon him, sitting on +the hedge-bank resting; and he has begged me to read him an address, +too illegible for his spectacled eyes to decipher. When I used to +inquire if he had anything for me, or for Holdsworth (he was not +particular to whom he gave up the letters, so that he got rid of them +somehow, and could set off homewards), he would say he thought that he +had, for such was his invariable safe form of answer; and would fumble +in breast-pockets, waistcoat-pockets, breeches-pockets, and, as a last +resource, in coat-tail pockets; and at length try to comfort me, if I +looked disappointed, by telling me, 'Hoo had missed this toime, but was +sure to write to-morrow;' 'Hoo' representing an imaginary sweetheart. + +Sometimes I had seen the minister bring home a letter which he had +found lying for him at the little shop that was the post-office at +Heathbridge, or from the grander establishment at Hornby. Once or twice +Josiah, the carter, remembered that the old letter-carrier had trusted +him with an epistle to 'Measter', as they had met in the lanes. I think +it must have been about ten days after my arrival at the farm, and my +talk to Phillis cutting bread-and-butter at the kitchen dresser, before +the day on which the minister suddenly spoke at the dinner-table, and +said,-- + +'By-the-by, I've got a letter in my pocket. Reach me my coat here, +Phillis.' The weather was still sultry, and for coolness and ease the +minister was sitting in his shirt-sleeves. 'I went to Heathbridge about +the paper they had sent me, which spoils all the pens--and I called at +the post-office, and found a letter for me, unpaid,--and they did not +like to trust it to old Zekiel. Ay! here it is! Now we shall hear news +of Holdsworth,--I thought I'd keep it till we were all together.' My +heart seemed to stop beating, and I hung my head over my plate, not +daring to look up. What would come of it now? What was Phillis doing? +How was she looking? A moment of suspense,--and then he spoke again. +'Why! what's this? Here are two visiting tickets with his name on, no +writing at all. No! it's not his name on both. MRS Holdsworth! The +young man has gone and got married.' I lifted my head at these words; I +could not help looking just for one instant at Phillis. It seemed to me +as if she had been keeping watch over my face and ways. Her face was +brilliantly flushed; her eyes were dry and glittering; but she did not +speak; her lips were set together almost as if she was pinching them +tight to prevent words or sounds coming out. Cousin Holman's face +expressed surprise and interest. + +'Well!' said she, 'who'd ha' thought it! He's made quick work of his +wooing and wedding. I'm sure I wish him happy. Let me see'--counting on +her fingers,--'October, November, December, January, February, March, +April, May, June, July,--at least we're at the 28th,--it is nearly ten +months after all, and reckon a month each way off--' + +'Did you know of this news before?' said the minister, turning sharp +round on me, surprised, I suppose, at my silence,--hardly suspicious, +as yet. + +'I knew--I had heard--something. It is to a French Canadian young +lady,' I went on, forcing myself to talk. 'Her name is Ventadour.' + +'Lucille Ventadour!' said Phillis, in a sharp voice, out of tune. + +'Then you knew too!' exclaimed the minister. We both spoke at once. I +said, 'I heard of the probability of--and told Phillis.' She said, 'He +is married to Lucille Ventadour, of French descent; one of a large +family near St. Meurice; am not I right?' I nodded 'Paul told me,--that +is all we know, is not it? Did you see the Howsons, father, in +Heathbridge?' and she forced herself to talk more than she had done for +several days, asking many questions, trying, as I could see, to keep +the conversation off the one raw surface, on which to touch was agony. +I had less self-command; but I followed her lead. I was not so much +absorbed in the conversation but what I could see that the minister was +puzzled and uneasy; though he seconded Phillis's efforts to prevent her +mother from recurring to the great piece of news, and uttering +continual exclamations of wonder and surprise. But with that one +exception we were all disturbed out of our natural equanimity, more or +less. Every day, every hour, I was reproaching myself more and more for +my blundering officiousness. If only I had held my foolish tongue for +that one half-hour; if only I had not been in such impatient haste to +do something to relieve pain! I could have knocked my stupid head +against the wall in my remorse. Yet all I could do now was to second +the brave girl in her efforts to conceal her disappointment and keep +her maidenly secret. But I thought that dinner would never, never come +to an end. I suffered for her, even more than for myself. Until now +everything which I had heard spoken in that happy household were simple +words of true meaning. If we had aught to say, we said it; and if any +one preferred silence, nay if all did so, there would have been no +spasmodic, forced efforts to talk for the sake of talking, or to keep +off intrusive thoughts or suspicions. + +At length we got up from our places, and prepared to disperse; but two +or three of us had lost our zest and interest in the daily labour. The +minister stood looking out of the window in silence, and when he roused +himself to go out to the fields where his labourers were working, it +was with a sigh; and he tried to avert his troubled face as he passed +us on his way to the door. When he had left us, I caught sight of +Phillis's face, as, thinking herself unobserved, her countenance +relaxed for a moment or two into sad, woeful weariness. She started +into briskness again when her mother spoke, and hurried away to do some +little errand at her bidding. When we two were alone, cousin Holman +recurred to Holdsworth's marriage. She was one of those people who like +to view an event from every side of probability, or even possibility; +and she had been cut short from indulging herself in this way during +dinner. + +'To think of Mr Holdsworth's being married! I can't get over it, Paul. +Not but what he was a very nice young man! I don't like her name, +though; it sounds foreign. Say it again, my dear. I hope she'll know +how to take care of him, English fashion. He is not strong, and if she +does not see that his things are well aired, I should be afraid of the +old cough.' + +'He always said he was stronger than he had ever been before, after +that fever.' 'He might think so, but I have my doubts. He was a very +pleasant young man, but he did not stand nursing very well. He got +tired of being coddled, as he called it. I hope they'll soon come back +to England, and then he'll have a chance for his health. I wonder now, +if she speaks English; but, to be sure, he can speak foreign tongues +like anything, as I've heard the minister say.' And so we went on for +some time, till she became drowsy over her knitting, on the sultry +summer afternoon; and I stole away for a walk, for I wanted some +solitude in which to think over things, and, alas! to blame myself with +poignant stabs of remorse. + +I lounged lazily as soon as I got to the wood. Here and there the +bubbling, brawling brook circled round a great stone, or a root of an +old tree, and made a pool; otherwise it coursed brightly over the +gravel and stones. I stood by one of these for more than half an hour, +or, indeed, longer, throwing bits of wood or pebbles into the water, +and wondering what I could do to remedy the present state of things. Of +course all my meditation was of no use; and at length the distant sound +of the horn employed to tell the men far afield to leave off work, +warned me that it was six o'clock, and time for me to go home. Then I +caught wafts of the loud-voiced singing of the evening psalm. As I was +crossing the Ashfield, I saw the minister at some distance talking to a +man. I could not hear what they were saying, but I saw an impatient or +dissentient (I could not tell which) gesture on the part of the former, +who walked quickly away, and was apparently absorbed in his thoughts, +for though he passed within twenty yards of me, as both our paths +converged towards home, he took no notice of me. We passed the evening +in a way which was even worse than dinner-time. The minister was +silent, depressed, even irritable. Poor cousin Holman was utterly +perplexed by this unusual frame of mind and temper in her husband; she +was not well herself, and was suffering from the extreme and sultry +heat, which made her less talkative than usual. Phillis, usually so +reverently tender to her parents, so soft, so gentle, seemed now to +take no notice of the unusual state of things, but talked to me--to any +one, on indifferent subjects, regardless of her father's gravity, of +her mother's piteous looks of bewilderment. But once my eyes fell upon +her hands, concealed under the table, and I could see the passionate, +convulsive manner in which she laced and interlaced her fingers +perpetually, wringing them together from time to time, wringing till +the compressed flesh became perfectly white. What could I do? I talked +with her, as I saw she wished; her grey eyes had dark circles round +them and a strange kind of dark light in them; her cheeks were flushed, +but her lips were white and wan. I wondered that others did not read +these signs as clearly as I did. But perhaps they did; I think, from +what came afterwards, the minister did. Poor cousin Holman! she +worshipped her husband; and the outward signs of his uneasiness were +more patent to her simple heart than were her daughter's. After a while +she could bear it no longer. She got up, and, softly laying her hand on +his broad stooping shoulder, she said,-- + +'What is the matter, minister? Has anything gone wrong?' + +He started as if from a dream. Phillis hung her head, and caught her +breath in terror at the answer she feared. But he, looking round with a +sweeping glance, turned his broad, wise face up to his anxious wife, +and forced a smile, and took her hand in a reassuring manner. + +'I am blaming myself, dear. I have been overcome with anger this +afternoon. I scarcely knew what I was doing, but I turned away Timothy +Cooper. He has killed the Ribstone pippin at the corner of the orchard; +gone and piled the quicklime for the mortar for the new stable wall +against the trunk of the tree--stupid fellow! killed the tree +outright--and it loaded with apples!' + +'And Ribstone pippins are so scarce,' said sympathetic cousin Holman. + +'Ay! But Timothy is but a half-wit; and he has a wife and children. He +had often put me to it sore, with his slothful ways, but I had laid it +before the Lord, and striven to bear with him. But I will not stand it +any longer, it's past my patience. And he has notice to find another +place. Wife, we won't talk more about it.' He took her hand gently off +his shoulder, touched it with his lips; but relapsed into a silence as +profound, if not quite so morose in appearance, as before. I could not +tell why, but this bit of talk between her father and mother seemed to +take all the factitious spirits out of Phillis. She did not speak now, +but looked out of the open casement at the calm large moon, slowly +moving through the twilight sky. Once I thought her eyes were filling +with tears; but, if so, she shook them off, and arose with alacrity +when her mother, tired and dispirited, proposed to go to bed +immediately after prayers. We all said good-night in our separate ways +to the minister, who still sate at the table with the great Bible open +before him, not much looking up at any of our salutations, but +returning them kindly. But when I, last of all, was on the point of +leaving the room, he said, still scarcely looking up,-- + +'Paul, you will oblige me by staying here a few minutes. I would fain +have some talk with you.' + +I knew what was coming, all in a moment. I carefully shut-to the door, +put out my candle, and sate down to my fate. He seemed to find some +difficulty in beginning, for, if I had not heard that he wanted to +speak to me, I should never have guessed it, he seemed so much absorbed +in reading a chapter to the end. Suddenly he lifted his head up and +said,-- + +'It is about that friend of yours, Holdsworth! Paul, have you any +reason for thinking he has played tricks upon Phillis?' I saw that his +eyes were blazing with such a fire of anger at the bare idea, that I +lost all my presence of mind, and only repeated,-- + +'Played tricks on Phillis!' + +'Ay! you know what I mean: made love to her, courted her, made her +think that he loved her, and then gone away and left her. Put it as you +will, only give me an answer of some kind or another--a true answer, I +mean--and don't repeat my words, Paul.' + +He was shaking all over as he said this. I did not delay a moment in +answering him,-- + +'I do not believe that Edward Holdsworth ever played tricks on Phillis, +ever made love to her; he never, to my knowledge, made her believe that +he loved her.' + +I stopped; I wanted to nerve up my courage for a confession, yet I +wished to save the secret of Phillis's love for Holdsworth as much as I +could; that secret which she had so striven to keep sacred and safe; +and I had need of some reflection before I went on with what I had to +say. + +He began again before I had quite arranged my manner of speech. It was +almost as if to himself,--'She is my only child; my little daughter! +She is hardly out of childhood; I have thought to gather her under my +wings for years to come her mother and I would lay down our lives to +keep her from harm and grief.' Then, raising his voice, and looking at +me, he said, 'Something has gone wrong with the child; and it seemed to +me to date from the time she heard of that marriage. It is hard to +think that you may know more of her secret cares and sorrows than I +do,--but perhaps you do, Paul, perhaps you do,--only, if it be not a +sin, tell me what I can do to make her happy again; tell me.' + +'It will not do much good, I am afraid,' said I, 'but I will own how +wrong I did; I don't mean wrong in the way of sin, but in the way of +judgment. Holdsworth told me just before he went that he loved Phillis, +and hoped to make her his wife, and I told her.' + +There! it was out; all my part in it, at least; and I set my lips tight +together, and waited for the words to come. I did not see his face; I +looked straight at the wall opposite; but I heard him once begin to +speak, and then turn over the leaves in the book before him. How +awfully still that room was! The air outside, how still it was! The +open windows let in no rustle of leaves, no twitter or movement of +birds--no sound whatever. The clock on the stairs--the minister's hard +breathing--was it to go on for ever? Impatient beyond bearing at the +deep quiet, I spoke again,-- + +'I did it for the best, as I thought.' + +The minister shut the book to hastily, and stood up. Then I saw how +angry he was. + +'For the best, do you say? It was best, was it, to go and tell a young +girl what you never told a word of to her parents, who trusted you like +a son of their own?' + +He began walking about, up and down the room close under the open +windows, churning up his bitter thoughts of me. + +'To put such thoughts into the child's head,' continued he; 'to spoil +her peaceful maidenhood with talk about another man's love; and such +love, too,' he spoke scornfully now--'a love that is ready for any young +woman. Oh, the misery in my poor little daughter's face to-day at +dinner--the misery, Paul! I thought you were one to be trusted--your +father's son too, to go and put such thoughts into the child's mind; +you two talking together about that man wishing to marry her.' + +I could not help remembering the pinafore, the childish garment which +Phillis wore so long, as if her parents were unaware of her progress +towards womanhood. Just in the same way the minister spoke and thought +of her now, as a child, whose innocent peace I had spoiled by vain and +foolish talk. I knew that the truth was different, though I could +hardly have told it now; but, indeed, I never thought of trying to +tell; it was far from my mind to add one iota to the sorrow which I had +caused. The minister went on walking, occasionally stopping to move +things on the table, or articles of furniture, in a sharp, impatient, +meaningless way, then he began again,-- + +'So young, so pure from the world! how could you go and talk to such a +child, raising hopes, exciting feelings--all to end thus; and best so, +even though I saw her poor piteous face look as it did. I can't forgive +you, Paul; it was more than wrong--it was wicked--to go and repeat that +man's words.' + +His back was now to the door, and, in listening to his low angry tones, +he did not hear it slowly open, nor did he see Phillis, standing just +within the room, until he turned round; then he stood still. She must +have been half undressed; but she had covered herself with a dark +winter cloak, which fell in long folds to her white, naked, noiseless +feet. Her face was strangely pale: her eyes heavy in the black circles +round them. She came up to the table very slowly, and leant her hand +upon it, saying mournfully,-- + +'Father, you must not blame Paul. I could not help hearing a great deal +of what you were saying. He did tell me, and perhaps it would have been +wiser not, dear Paul! But--oh, dear! oh, dear! I am so sick with shame! +He told me out of his kind heart, because he saw--that I was so very +unhappy at his going away.' She hung her head, and leant more heavily +than before on her supporting hand. + +'I don't understand,' said her father; but he was beginning to +understand. Phillis did not answer till he asked her again. I could +have struck him now for his cruelty; but then I knew all. + +'I loved him, father!' she said at length, raising her eyes to the +minister's face. 'Had he ever spoken of love to you? Paul says not!' + +'Never.' She let fall her eyes, and drooped more than ever. I almost +thought she would fall. + +'I could not have believed it,' said he, in a hard voice, yet sighing +the moment he had spoken. A dead silence for a moment. 'Paul! I was +unjust to you. You deserved blame, but not all that I said.' Then again +a silence. I thought I saw Phillis's white lips moving, but it might +have been the flickering of the candlelight--a moth had flown in +through the open casement, and was fluttering round the flame; I might +have saved it, but I did not care to do so, my heart was too full of +other things. At any rate, no sound was heard for long endless minutes. +Then he said,--'Phillis! did we not make you happy here? Have we not +loved you enough?' + +She did not seem to understand the drift of this question; she looked +up as if bewildered, and her beautiful eyes dilated with a painful, +tortured expression. He went on, without noticing the look on her face; +he did not see it, I am sure. + +'And yet you would have left us, left your home, left your father and +your mother, and gone away with this stranger, wandering over the +world.' He suffered, too; there were tones of pain in the voice in +which he uttered this reproach. Probably the father and daughter were +never so far apart in their lives, so unsympathetic. Yet some new +terror came over her, and it was to him she turned for help. A shadow +came over her face, and she tottered towards her father; falling down, +her arms across his knees, and moaning out,-- + +'Father, my head! my head!' and then slipped through his +quick-enfolding arms, and lay on the ground at his feet. + +I shall never forget his sudden look of agony while I live; never! We +raised her up; her colour had strangely darkened; she was insensible. I +ran through the back-kitchen to the yard pump, and brought back water. +The minister had her on his knees, her head against his breast, almost +as though she were a sleeping child. He was trying to rise up with his +poor precious burden, but the momentary terror had robbed the strong +man of his strength, and he sank back in his chair with sobbing breath. + +'She is not dead, Paul! is she?' he whispered, hoarse, as I came near +him. I, too, could not speak, but I pointed to the quivering of the +muscles round her mouth. Just then cousin Holman, attracted by some +unwonted sound, came down. I remember I was surprised at the time at +her presence of mind, she seemed to know so much better what to do than +the minister, in the midst of the sick affright which blanched her +countenance, and made her tremble all over. I think now that it was the +recollection of what had gone before; the miserable thought that +possibly his words had brought on this attack, whatever it might be, +that so unmanned the minister. We carried her upstairs, and while the +women were putting her to bed, still unconscious, still slightly +convulsed, I slipped out, and saddled one of the horses, and rode as +fast as the heavy-trotting beast could go, to Hornby, to find the +doctor there, and bring him back. He was out, might be detained the +whole night. I remember saying, 'God help us all!' as I sate on my +horse, under the window, through which the apprentice's head had +appeared to answer my furious tugs at the night-bell. He was a +good-natured fellow. He said,-- + +'He may be home in half an hour, there's no knowing; but I daresay he +will. I'll send him out to the Hope Farm directly he comes in. It's +that good-looking young woman, Holman's daughter, that's ill, isn't it?' + +'Yes.' + +'It would be a pity if she was to go. She's an only child, isn't she? +I'll get up, and smoke a pipe in the surgery, ready for the governor's +coming home. I might go to sleep if I went to bed again.' + +'Thank you, you're a good fellow!' and I rode back almost as quickly as +I came. It was a brain fever. The doctor said so, when he came in the +early summer morning. I believe we had come to know the nature of the +illness in the night-watches that had gone before. As to hope of +ultimate recovery, or even evil prophecy of the probable end, the +cautious doctor would be entrapped into neither. He gave his +directions, and promised to come again; so soon, that this one thing +showed his opinion of the gravity of the case. + +By God's mercy she recovered, but it was a long, weary time first. +According to previously made plans, I was to have gone home at the +beginning of August. But all such ideas were put aside now, without a +word being spoken. I really think that I was necessary in the house, +and especially necessary to the minister at this time; my father was +the last man in the world, under such circumstances, to expect me home. + +I say, I think I was necessary in the house. Every person (1 had almost +said every creature, for all the dumb beasts seemed to know and love +Phillis) about the place went grieving and sad, as though a cloud was +over the sun. They did their work, each striving to steer clear of the +temptation to eye-service, in fulfilment of the trust reposed in them +by the minister. For the day after Phillis had been taken ill, he had +called all the men employed on the farm into the empty barn; and there +he had entreated their prayers for his only child; and then and there +he had told them of his present incapacity for thought about any other +thing in this world but his little daughter, lying nigh unto death, and +he had asked them to go on with their daily labours as best they could, +without his direction. So, as I say, these honest men did their work to +the best of their ability, but they slouched along with sad and careful +faces, coming one by one in the dim mornings to ask news of the sorrow +that overshadowed the house; and receiving Betty's intelligence, always +rather darkened by passing through her mind, with slow shakes of the +head, and a dull wistfulness of sympathy. But, poor fellows, they were +hardly fit to be trusted with hasty messages, and here my poor services +came in. One time I was to ride hard to Sir William Bentinck's, and +petition for ice out of his ice-house, to put on Phillis's head. +Another it was to Eltham I must go, by train, horse, anyhow, and bid +the doctor there come for a consultation, for fresh symptoms had +appeared, which Mr Brown, of Hornby, considered unfavourable. Many an +hour have I sate on the window-seat, half-way up the stairs, close by +the old clock, listening in the hot stillness of the house for the +sounds in the sick-room. The minister and I met often, but spoke +together seldom. He looked so old--so old! He shared the nursing with +his wife; the strength that was needed seemed to be given to them both +in that day. They required no one else about their child. Every office +about her was sacred to them; even Betty only went into the room for +the most necessary purposes. Once I saw Phillis through the open door; +her pretty golden hair had been cut off long before; her head was +covered with wet cloths, and she was moving it backwards and forwards +on the pillow, with weary, never-ending motion, her poor eyes shut, +trying in the old accustomed way to croon out a hymn tune, but +perpetually breaking it up into moans of pain. Her mother sate by her, +tearless, changing the cloths upon her head with patient solicitude. I +did not see the minister at first, but there he was in a dark corner, +down upon his knees, his hands clasped together in passionate prayer. +Then the door shut, and I saw no more. One day he was wanted; and I had +to summon him. Brother Robinson and another minister, hearing of his +'trial', had come to see him. I told him this upon the stair-landing in +a whisper. He was strangely troubled. + +'They will want me to lay bare my heart. I cannot do it. Paul, stay +with me. They mean well; but as for spiritual help at such a time--it +is God only, God only, who can give it. + +So I went in with him. They were two ministers from the neighbourhood; +both older than Ebenezer Holman; but evidently inferior to him in +education and worldly position. I thought they looked at me as if I +were an intruder, but remembering the minister's words I held my +ground, and took up one of poor Phillis's books (of which I could not +read a word) to have an ostensible occupation. Presently I was asked to +'engage in prayer', and we all knelt down; Brother Robinson 'leading', +and quoting largely as I remember from the Book of Job. He seemed to +take for his text, if texts are ever taken for prayers, + +'Behold thou hast instructed many; but now it is come upon thee, and +thou faintest, it toucheth thee and thou art troubled.' When we others +rose up, the minister continued for some minutes on his knees. Then he +too got up, and stood facing us, for a moment, before we all sate down +in conclave. After a pause Robinson began,-- + +'We grieve for you, Brother Holman, for your trouble is great. But we +would fain have you remember you are as a light set on a hill; and the +congregations are looking at you with watchful eyes. We have been +talking as we came along on the two duties required of you in this +strait; Brother Hodgson and me. And we have resolved to exhort you on +these two points. First, God has given you the opportunity of showing +forth an example of resignation.' Poor Mr Holman visibly winced at this +word. I could fancy how he had tossed aside such brotherly preachings +in his happier moments; but now his whole system was unstrung, and +'resignation' seemed a term which presupposed that the dreaded misery +of losing Phillis was inevitable. But good stupid Mr Robinson went on. +'We hear on all sides that there are scarce any hopes of your child's +recovery; and it may be well to bring you to mind of Abraham; and how +he was willing to kill his only child when the Lord commanded. Take +example by him, Brother Holman. Let us hear you say, "The Lord giveth +and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!"' + +There was a pause of expectancy. I verily believe the minister tried to +feel it; but he could not. Heart of flesh was too strong. Heart of +stone he had not. + +'I will say it to my God, when He gives me strength,--when the day +comes,' he spoke at last. + +The other two looked at each other, and shook their heads. I think the +reluctance to answer as they wished was not quite unexpected. The +minister went on 'There are yet' he said, as if to himself. 'God has +given me a great heart for hoping, and I will not look forward beyond +the hour.' Then turning more to them,--and speaking louder, he added: +'Brethren, God will strengthen me when the time comes, when such +resignation as you speak of is needed. Till then I cannot feel it; and +what I do not feel I will not express; using words as if they were a +charm.' He was getting chafed, I could see. He had rather put them out +by these speeches of his; but after a short time and some more shakes +of the head, Robinson began again,-- + +'Secondly, we would have you listen to the voice of the rod, and ask +yourself for what sins this trial has been laid upon you; whether you +may not have been too much given up to your farm and your cattle; +whether this world's learning has not puffed you up to vain conceit and +neglect of the things of God; whether you have not made an idol of your +daughter?' + +'I cannot answer--I will not answer'.' exclaimed the minister. 'My sins +I confess to God. But if they were scarlet (and they are so in His +sight),' he added, humbly, 'I hold with Christ that afflictions are not +sent by God in wrath as penalties for sin.' + +'Is that orthodox, Brother Robinson?' asked the third minister, in a +deferential tone of inquiry. + +Despite the minister's injunction not to leave him, I thought matters +were getting so serious that a little homely interruption would be more +to the purpose than my continued presence, and I went round to the +kitchen to ask for Betty's help. + +''Od rot 'em!' said she; 'they're always a-coming at ill-convenient +times; and they have such hearty appetites, they'll make nothing of +what would have served master and you since our poor lass has been ill. +I've but a bit of cold beef in th' house; but I'll do some ham and +eggs, and that 'll rout 'em from worrying the minister. They're a deal +quieter after they've had their victual. Last time as old Robinson +came, he was very reprehensible upon master's learning, which he +couldn't compass to save his life, so he needn't have been afeard of +that temptation, and used words long enough to have knocked a body +down; but after me and missus had given him his fill of victual, and +he'd had some good ale and a pipe, he spoke just like any other man, +and could crack a joke with me.' + +Their visit was the only break in the long weary days and nights. I do +not mean that no other inquiries were made. I believe that all the +neighbours hung about the place daily till they could learn from some +out-comer how Phillis Holman was. But they knew better than to come up +to the house, for the August weather was so hot that every door and +window was kept constantly open, and the least sound outside penetrated +all through. I am sure the cocks and hens had a sad time of it; for +Betty drove them all into an empty barn, and kept them fastened up in +the dark for several days, with very little effect as regarded their +crowing and clacking. At length came a sleep which was the crisis, and +from which she wakened up with a new faint life. Her slumber had lasted +many, many hours. We scarcely dared to breathe or move during the time; +we had striven to hope so long, that we were sick at heart, and durst +not trust in the favourable signs: the even breathing, the moistened +skin, the slight return of delicate colour into the pale, wan lips. I +recollect stealing out that evening in the dusk, and wandering down the +grassy lane, under the shadow of the over-arching elms to the little +bridge at the foot of the hill, where the lane to the Hope Farm joined +another road to Hornby. On the low parapet of that bridge I found +Timothy Cooper, the stupid, half-witted labourer, sitting, idly +throwing bits of mortar into the brook below. He just looked up at me +as I came near, but gave me no greeting either by word or gesture. He +had generally made some sign of recognition to me, but this time I +thought he was sullen at being dismissed. Nevertheless I felt as if it +would be a relief to talk a little to some one, and I sate down by him. +While I was thinking how to begin, he yawned weariedly. + +'You are tired, Tim?' said I. + +'Ay,' said he. 'But I reckon I may go home now.' 'Have you been sitting +here long?' + +'Welly all day long. Leastways sin' seven i' th' morning.' 'Why, what +in the world have you been doing?' 'Nought.' + +'Why have you been sitting here, then?' + +'T' keep carts off.' He was up now, stretching himself, and shaking his +lubberly limbs. + +'Carts! what carts?' + +'Carts as might ha' wakened yon wench! It's Hornby market day. I reckon +yo're no better nor a half-wit yoursel'.' He cocked his eye at me as if +he were gauging my intellect. + +'And have you been sitting here all day to keep the lane quiet?' + +'Ay. I've nought else to do. Th' minister has turned me adrift. Have +yo' heard how th' lass is faring to-night?' + +'They hope she'll waken better for this long sleep. Good night to you, +and God bless you, Timothy,' said I. + +He scarcely took any notice of my words, as he lumbered across a Stile +that led to his cottage. Presently I went home to the farm. Phillis had +stirred, had spoken two or three faint words. Her mother was with her, +dropping nourishment into her scarce conscious mouth. The rest of the +household were summoned to evening prayer for the first time for many +days. It was a return to the daily habits of happiness and health. But +in these silent days our very lives had been an unspoken prayer. Now we +met in the house-place, and looked at each other with strange +recognition of the thankfulness on all our faces. We knelt down; we +waited for the minister's voice. He did not begin as usual. He could +not; he was choking. Presently we heard the strong man's sob. Then old +John turned round on his knees, and said,-- + +'Minister, I reckon we have blessed the Lord wi' all our souls, though +we've ne'er talked about it; and maybe He'll not need spoken words this +night. God bless us all, and keep our Phillis safe from harm! Amen.' +Old John's impromptu prayer was all we had that night. + +'Our Phillis,' as he called her, grew better day by day from that time. +Not quickly; I sometimes grew desponding, and feared that she would +never be what she had been before; no more she has, in some ways. + +I seized an early opportunity to tell the minister about Timothy +Cooper's unsolicited watch on the bridge during the long summer's day. + +'God forgive me!' said the minister. 'I have been too proud in my own +conceit. The first steps I take out of this house shall be to Cooper's +cottage.' + +I need hardly say Timothy was reinstated in his place on the farm; and +I have often since admired the patience with which his master tried to +teach him how to do the easy work which was henceforward carefully +adjusted to his capacity. Phillis was carried down-stairs, and lay for +hour after hour quite silent on the great sofa, drawn up under the +windows of the house-place. She seemed always the same, gentle, quiet, +and sad. Her energy did not return with her bodily strength. It was +sometimes pitiful to see her parents' vain endeavours to rouse her to +interest. One day the minister brought her a set of blue ribbons, +reminding her with a tender smile of a former conversation in which she +had owned to a love of such feminine vanities. She spoke gratefully to +him, but when he was gone she laid them on one side, and languidly shut +her eyes. Another time I saw her mother bring her the Latin and Italian +books that she had been so fond of before her illness--or, rather, +before Holdsworth had gone away. That was worst of all. She turned her +face to the wall, and cried as soon as her mother's back was turned. +Betty was laying the cloth for the early dinner. Her sharp eyes saw the +state of the case. + +'Now, Phillis!' said she, coming up to the sofa; 'we ha' done a' we can +for you, and th' doctors has done a' they can for you, and I think the +Lord has done a' He can for you, and more than you deserve, too, if you +don't do something for yourself. If I were you, I'd rise up and snuff +the moon, sooner than break your father's and your mother's hearts wi' +watching and waiting till it pleases you to fight your own way back to +cheerfulness. There, I never favoured long preachings, and I've said my +say.' + +A day or two after Phillis asked me, when we were alone, if I thought +my father and mother would allow her to go and stay with them for a +couple of months. She blushed a little as she faltered out her wish for +change of thought and scene. + +'Only for a short time, Paul. Then--we will go back to the peace of the +old days. I know we shall; I can, and I will!' + + + + + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Cousin Phillis, by Elizabeth Cleghorn Gaskell + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK COUSIN PHILLIS *** + +***** This file should be named 4268.txt or 4268.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/4/2/6/4268/ + +Produced by Charles Aldarondo. 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