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diff --git a/old/42542-0.txt b/old/42542-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 149b644..0000000 --- a/old/42542-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,3467 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Lost Diaries, by Maurice Baring - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - - -Title: Lost Diaries - -Author: Maurice Baring - -Release Date: April 15, 2013 [EBook #42542] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOST DIARIES *** - - - - -Produced by Marc D'Hooghe at http://www.freeliterature.org -(Images generously made available by the Internet Archive -- University of California) - - - - - -LOST DIARIES - -BY - -MAURICE BARING - - - -LONDON - -DUCKWORTH & GO. - -3 HENRIETTA STREET, COVENT GARDEN. W.C. - - -1913 - - - - -These "Lost Diaries" originally appeared in the _Eye Witness_, the _New -Witness_, and the _Morning Post_; they are here reprinted by the kind -permission of the Editors of those newspapers. - - M.B. - - - -To - -E.M. - - - - -CONTENTS - - I. FROM THE DIARY OF SMITH MINOR - II. FROM THE DIARY OF ISEULT OF BRITTANY - III. FROM THE DIARY OF KING COPHETUA - IV. FROM THE DIARY OF FROISSART, WAR CORRESPONDENT - V. FROM THE DIARY OF GEORGE WASHINGTON - VI. FROM THE DIARY OF MARCUS AURELIUS - VII. FROM THE DIARY OF MRS JAMES LEE'S HUSBAND - VIII. FROM THE DIARY OF SHERLOCK HOLMES - IX. FROM THE DIARY OF THE EMPEROR TITUS - X. FROM THE DIARY OF HARRIET SHELLEY - XI. FROM THE _JOURNAL INTIME_ OF THE EMPEROR TIBERIUS - XII. FROM THE DIARY OF ŒDIPUS REX - XIII. FROM THE DIARY OF WILLIAM THE CONQUEROR - XIV. FROM THE DIARY OF MARY, MRS JOHN MILTON - (_NÉE_ POWELL) - XV. FROM THE DIARY OF MARK ANTONY - XVI. FROM THE DIARY OF IVAN THE TERRIBLE - XVII. FROM THE PRIVATE LOG OF CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS - XVIII. FROM THE DIARY OF THE MAN IN THE IRON MASK - XIX. FROM THE DIARY OF AN ENGLISH GOVERNESS - RESIDING IN PARIS DURING THE FRENCH REVOLUTION - XX. FROM THE DIARY OF HAMLET, PRINCE OF DENMARK, - DURING HIS STAY AT ENGLAND, WHITHER HE WAS SENT - TO STUDY AT THE UNIVERSITY AT OXFORD, UNDER - THE SPECIAL CARE OF POLONIUS - - - - -I. - -FROM THE DIARY OF SMITH MINOR - - ST JAMES'S SCHOOL, - _September_, 1884. - - -_Sunday_.--Yesterday afternoon was a half-holiday we were playing -prisoners base exept four boys who were gardening with Mrs Wickham. Peel -hit Bell by mistake with all his force with the pic-axe on Bell's wrist. - -_Sunday_.--Last night their was a total eclipse of the moon. We all -stayed up to see it, it looked very funny. There was a shadow right over -the moon. We began football yesterday. At tea the Head asked if any one -had eaten chesnuts in the garden. Simes major said yes at once. Then the -Head said he was sure others had too. Then Wilson stood up and after a -time 7 chaps stood up. Then the Head said it would be the worse for -those who didn't stand up as he knew who the culprets were. I hadn't -eaten any but Anderson had given me a piece off his knife so I stood up -two. The Head said we should all have two hours extra work. He was very -waxy he said we were unreliabel. - -_Sunday_.--Yesterday we were all photografed. Simes laughed and was sent -to bed for misbehavier. Pork's people came down yesterday. We call Pork -Hogg because he's dirty. He showed them over the school, and turned on -the electrik light. The Head was looking through the curtain in the -library and saw this. When his people went away Hogg was sent for and -he is to be swished to-morrow. We told him he would get it hot and he -blubbed. - -_Sunday_.--We went for the choir expedition last Thursday. It was _great -fun._ We went to London by the 8.35 train. We missed the train!! So we -went by the 8.53. We got to London at 10.15. We then went to the mint we -first saw the silver melted and made into thick tablets, then we saw it -rolled out into thin bits then cut stamped and weighed then we had a -very good luncheon and went to the Tower. We first saw the Bloody Tower -were the little Princes were murdered then we saw the jewels the warder -said the Queen's crown was worth over £1,000,000 then we saw the armory -and the torture's, then we went to Madame Tussaus it is quite a large -building now with a large stairkes then we had tea and went home. - -_Sunday_.--I said to Anderson that we might start an aquarium but he -said Ferguson had one last term and that it would be copying, he said he -hates copying. So we'll have a menagery instead with lizards. - -_Sunday_.--The lizard is very well indeed and has eat a lot of worms. -White cheeked Jones ma and Mac said they must fight it out in the -play-room in the hour. They fought with gloves. White gave him a bloody -nose. We had a very good game of football yesterday. Williams and Pierce -which left last term came from Eton to play. Pierce changed in my room. -He says you don't say squit at Eton and you say Metutors not My tutors. -The fireworks are in a week. - -_Saturday_.--There was no work this morning as it was "All Saints day." -There was a football matsh against another scool--Reynolds'. We won by -three goals and three tries. - -There was an awful row on Wednesday. Anderson cut off a piece of his -hair. Mac nabbed it, and he said he hadn't as he was afraid of the -consequenses. Then a search was made and they fond a piece of hair in -his drawer. Mac told him he would find himself in Queer Street and Colly -said when he was writing home on Sunday that he had better add that he -was a liar. Nothing hapened till Monday and Anderson thought it was -forgoten but at reading over when the 3nd Div came up the Head said: -"Anderson I am astounded at you; you are a shufler and worse." He lost -50 marks and was swished. He would get 20 the head said if he did it -again and he would be turned out of the choir. - -_Sunday_.--When Colly was out of the room in Set 3 this morning Mason -said he wouldn't sneak about me talking if I didn't sneak about him so I -talked. When Colly came back Mason sneaked, Please sir will you ask -Smith not to talk. I had to stand on the stool of penitence. We are -going to put Mason in Coventry because he always sneaks just after he -has sworn he won't. Last night we all had to play our pieces in the -Drawing Room. I played a duet with Wilson mi. Astley played best. When -everybody had played their pieces we had ginger beer and biscuits and -went to bed. Fish played worst (on the violin). - -_Sunday_.--We had fireworks on the 5th romman candles rockets crackers -squibs and a set piece with God Save the Queen on it. They came from -Broks who makes the fireworks at the Crystal palace we burnt a man in -effigee a man with collars and an axe. The Head said he wouldn't say who -it was meant to be but that all true Englishmen who were not traiters -could guess. Rowley said it was meant to be Mister Gladstone but he only -said this to get a rise out of Pork whose paters a liberal. It was -reelly Guy Fawks then Pork said Anderson's father was a liberal too and -Anderson hit him in the eye. The Head hates liberals. - -There was another row this week; Christy said something to Broadwood at -breakfast that the poridge was mighty good. That was copying Anderson -who learnt it from his mater who is a Yankee. Mac asked him what he'd -said. He said he'd said the porridge was good. Mac asked Is that all -you've said. Christy got very red and looked as if he was going to blub -and said that was all. Very well said Mac Come afterwards. Mac reported -him for telling bungs. He wasn't swished as its his first term: but Mac -told him he was making himself very unpopular. - -On Tuesday Fatty the butler came into the 3rd Div scoolroom with a -message. Some one said in a wisper Hullo Fatty. Mac nabbed it and said -who said that nobody answered then Mac said he knew it was Middleton mi -as he had recognised his voice Middleton swore he hadn't said a word but -he was reported and swished he still swears he didn't say Fatty and I -believe it was Pork. The other day at French Campbell went up to Colly -and asked him what was wrong with les tables it had a pencil cross on -it. Colly said that when he'd corrected it there was no S there. -Campbell swore their was. Colly held the paper to the window and said he -saw the ink of the S was fresh, then Christy began to blub and said he -had done it and Colly said it was a for jerry and wrote forjer in white -chalk on his back and said he would tell the chaps in the first Div but -he didn't report him to the Head which was awfully decent of him becaus -Christy is a new chap. - -_Sunday_.--Trials are nearly over. We had Latin G and Greek G paper -yesterday (set by the Head). There are only two more papers geography -and Latin verse. The Consert is on Saturday. Pork's sister is called -Jane!! Campbell saw it on the seel of a letter he got. His people were -coming for the Consert but he's written to tell them not to as we told -him the Head thought liberals worse than thieves. - - - - -II - -FROM THE DIARY OF ISEULT OF BRITTANY - - -_May_ 1.--Mamma sent me up a message early this morning to say that I -was to put on my best white gown with my coral necklace, as guests were -expected. She didn't say who. Nurse was in a fuss and pulled my hair -when she did it, and made my face very sore by scrubbing it with -pumice-stone. I can't think why, as there was no hurry. I came down -punctually at noon. Mamma and papa were sitting in the hall, waiting. -Fresh rushes were strewn on the floor. I was told to get out my harp, -and to sit with my back to the light. I hadn't practised for weeks, and -I can only play one song properly, "The Mallard," a Cornish song. When I -told mamma that was the only song I knew, she said I was on no account -to mention it, if I was asked to play; but I was only to play _Breton_ -songs. I said I didn't know any. She said that didn't matter; but that I -could sing anything I knew and call it a Breton song. I said nothing, -but I thought, and I still think, this was dishonest. Besides the only -songs that I know are quite new. The stable people whistle them, and -they come from Rome. - -We waited a long time. Papa and mamma were both very fidgety and mamma -kept on pulling me about, and telling me that my hair was badly done and -that she could see daylight between the pleats of my frock. I nearly -cried and papa said: "Leave the dear child alone; she's very good." -After we'd been waiting about twenty minutes, the trumpets sounded and -Morgan, the seneschal, walked in very slowly, and announced: "Sir -Tristram of Lyoness." - -Rather an oldish man walked in, with a reddish beard, and many wrinkles. -One of his front teeth was broken and the other was black. He was -dressed in a coat of mail which was too tight for him. He had nice eyes -and seemed rather embarrassed. Mamma and papa made a great fuss about -him and brought me forward and said: "This is our daughter Iseult," and -mamma whispered to me: "Show your hands." I didn't want to do this, as -nurse had scrubbed them so hard that they were red. - -Sir Tristram bowed deeply, and seemed more and more embarrassed. After -a long pause he said: "It's a very fine day, isn't it?" - -Before I had time to answer, mamma broke in by saying: "Iseult has been -up since six with the falconers." This wasn't true and I was surprised -that mamma should be so forgetful. I hadn't been out with the hawkers -for weeks. - -Then dinner was served. It lasted for hours I thought, and the -conversation flagged terribly. Kurneval, Sir Tristram's Squire, had -_twice_ of everything and drank much more cider than was good for him. -After dinner, mamma told me to fetch my harp and to sing a Breton song. -I was just going to say I didn't know one, when she frowned at me so -severely that I didn't dare. So I sang the Provençal orchard song about -waking up too early that Kerodac the groom taught me. Sir Tristram -said: "Charming, charming, that's German, isn't it; how well taught she -is. I do like good singing." Then he yawned, although he tried not to, -and papa said he was sure Sir Tristram was tired, and that he would take -him to see the stables. Sir Tristram then became quite lively and said -he would be delighted. - -When they'd gone, mamma scolded me, and said that I had behaved like a -ninny and that she didn't know what our guests would think of me. It -seemed to me we only had one guest; but I didn't say so. Then she told -me to go and rest so as to be ready for dinner. - -I forgot to say that just as Sir Tristram was going out of the room he -said to papa: "Your daughter's name is--er?" and papa said, "Yes, -Iseult, after her aunt." And Sir Tristram said: "Oh! what a pretty -name!" - -_May_ 6.--They've been here a week now and I haven't seen much of them; -because Sir Tristram has been riding with papa nearly all day, and every -day. But every day after dinner mamma makes me sing the Provençal song, -and every time I sing it, Sir Tristram says: "Charming, charming, that's -German, isn't it?" although I've already told him twice now that it -isn't. I like Sir Tristram, only he's very silent, and after dinner he -becomes sleepy directly, just like papa. - -_May_ 7.--I've had a most exciting day. Papa and mamma sent for me and -when I came into the room they were both very solemn and said they had -something particular to say to me. Then mamma cried and papa tried to -soothe her and said: "It's all right, it's all right," and then he -blurted out that I was to marry Sir Tristram next Wednesday. I cried, -and papa cried, and mamma cried, and then they said I was a lucky girl, -and mamma said that I must see about my clothes at once. - -_May_ 8.--Nurse is in a fearful temper. She says we shall never be ready -by Wednesday and that it's more than flesh and blood can stand to worrit -folks like this. But mamma is in the best of tempers. Sir Tristram has -gone away--to stay with some friends--he is coming back on Tuesday -night. My wedding gown is to be made of silver with daisies worked on -it. The weavers are working day and night, _but most of the stuff is -old_. It belonged to mamma. I do think they might have given me a new -gown. Blanche had a new one when she was married. - -_May_ 12.--The wedding went off very well. I had four maidens and four -pages. After Mass, we had a long feast. Papa made a speech and broke -down, and Tristram made a speech and got into a muddle about my name, -and everybody was silent. Then he said I had beautiful hands and -everybody cheered. After supper we were looking out on the sea, and just -as Tristram was becoming talkative I noticed that he wore another ring -besides his wedding ring, a green one, made of jasper. I said, "What a -pretty ring! Who gave it you?" He said, "Oh, a friend," and changed the -subject. Then he said he was very tired and went away. - -_May_ 13.--It's the 13th and that's an unlucky number. Nurse said that -no child of hers should marry in May, so I suppose that's what brought -it about. In any case Tristram, who has been very gloomy ever since he's -been here, has got to go and fight in a tournament. He says he won't be -away long and that there's no danger; not any more than crossing the -sea in an open boat, which I _do_ think _is_ dangerous. He starts -to-morrow at dawn. - -_May_ 14.--Nothing particular. - -_May_ 15.--No news. - -_May_ 16.--Kurneval arrived this evening. He says that Tristram was -slightly wounded; but would be all right in a day or two. I am very -anxious. - -_May_ 17.--Tristram was brought back on a litter in the middle of the -night. He has been wounded in the arm. The doctors here say he was -bandaged wrong by the local doctor. They say he is suffering from slight -local pain. Kurneval says the horrid henchman hit his arm as hard as he -could with a broad sword. Papa and mamma arrive to-morrow with the -doctor. Tristram insists on sleeping out of doors on the beach. The -doctor says this is a patient's whim and must be humoured. I'm sure -it's bad for him, as the nights are very cold. - -_July_ 1.--I've been too busy to write my diary for weeks. Tristram is -still just the same. The doctors say there is no fear of immediate -change. - -_August_ 10.--Mamma says the Queen of Cornwall (whose name is Iseult the -same as mine) is coming for a few days, with her husband and some -friends. I do think it's very inconsiderate, considering how full the -house is already; and what with Tristram being so ill--and insisting on -sleeping on the beach--it makes it very difficult for every one. - -_September_ 1.--Papa went out to shoot birds with his new cross-bow; but -he came back in a bad temper as he'd only shot one, and a hen. Tristram -is no better. He keeps on talking about a ship with a black sail. - -_September_ 19.--To-day I was on the beach with Tristram and he asked me -if I saw a ship. I said I did. He asked me if the sail was black, and as -the doctor had told me to humour him, I said it was. Upon which he got -much worse, and I had to call the doctors. They said he was suffering -from hypertrophy of the sensory nerves. - -_September_ 20.--Tristram unconscious. The Queen of Cornwall just -arrived. Too busy to write. - - - - -III - -FROM THE DIARY OF KING COPHETUA - - -_Cophetua Castle, May_ 3.--We had to be married in May, after all. It -was a choice between that and being married on a Friday, and Jane would -not hear of that, so I gave in. Poor dear Mamma relented at the end and -came to the wedding. On the whole she behaved with great restraint. She -could not help saying just a word about rash promises. Jane looked -exceedingly beautiful. I felt very proud of her. I regret nothing. We -start for Italy to-morrow. We are to visit Milan, Florence-and Rome. -Jane is looking forward to the change. - -_Dijon, May_ 6.--We decided to break the journey here: but we shall -probably start again to-morrow, as Jane is extremely dissatisfied with -the Inn, the _Lion d'Or_. I, of course, chose the best. But she says she -found a spider in her bedroom; she complained that the silver plates on -which dinner was served were not properly cleaned; that the veal was -tough, and that we had been given _Graves_ under the guise of _Barsac_. -All these things seem to me exceedingly trivial; but Jane is particular. -In a way it is a good thing, but considering her early upbringing and -her former circumstances, I confess I am astonished. - -_Lyons, May_ 12.--I shall be glad when we get to Italy. Jane becomes -more and more fastidious about Inns. She walked out of four running, -here. I was imprudent enough to say that Mamma had a vassal who was a -distant connection of the Sieur Jehan de Blois and Jane insisted on my -paying him a visit and asking him to lodge us, telling him who we are, -as we are travelling incognito as the Baron and Baroness of Wessex. This -put me in a very awkward position, as I don't know him. I did it, -however, and Jane came with me. I have seldom felt so awkward, but -really he could not have made things easier. He was tact itself, and -while respecting our incognito, he treated us with the utmost -consideration. He was most kind. Jane made me a little uncomfortable by -praising a fine crystal goblet encrusted with emeralds. Sieur Jehan was -of course obliged to offer it her, and, to my vexation, she accepted it. - -_Avignon, May_ 20.--Jane finds our incognito more and more irksome. I -was looking forward to a real quiet holiday, where we could get away -from all fuss and worry, and all the impediments of rank and riches. I -wanted to pretend we were poor for a while. To send on the litters with -the oxen, the horses, and the baggage, and to ride on mules--as soon as -we had reached the South--but Jane would not hear of this. She said she -had had enough of poverty without playing at it now. This is of course -quite true, but I wish she wouldn't say such things before people. It -makes one so uncomfortable. Here she has insisted on our staying with -the Pope, which may put me in a very awkward position with regard to -several of our allies in Italy. He has been, however, most gracious. -Jane is very impulsive at times. She insisted on our making an -expedition to the Bridge here, by moonlight, and dancing on it. She -kicked off her shoes and danced barefooted; I asked her not to do this, -whereupon she said: "If the courtiers hadn't praised my ankles you would -never have married me and what's the use of having pretty ankles, if -nobody can see them!" I shall be glad when we get to Italy. I am -determined to preserve a strict incognito, once we are across the -frontier. - -_Turin, June_ 10.--It has poured with rain every day since we crossed -the frontier, and Jane won't believe that it is ever fine in Italy. It -is very cold for the time of year, and the people here say that there -has not been such a summer for thirty years. Every time I mention the -blue sky of Italy Jane loses her temper. She spends all her time at the -goldsmiths' shops and at the weavers'--I am afraid she is extravagant: -and her taste in dress is not quite as restrained as I could wish. Of -course it doesn't matter here, but at home it would shock people. For -instance, last night she came down to supper dressed as a Turkish -Sultana in pink trousers and a scimitar, and without even a veil over -her face. When I remonstrated she said men did not understand these -things. - -_Milan, June_ 15.--It is still raining. Jane refused to look at the -Cathedral and spends her whole time at the merchants' booths as usual. -To-day I broached the incognito question. I suggested our walking on -foot, or perhaps riding on mules, to Florence. Jane, to my great -surprise, said she would be delighted to do this, and asked when we were -to start. I said we had better start the day after to-morrow. I am -greatly relieved. She is really very sensible, if a little impulsive at -times; but considering her early life, it might be much worse. I have -much to be thankful for. She is greatly admired, only I wish she would -not wear such bright colours. - -_Florence, June_ 20.--It has been a great disappointment. Just as we -were making preparations to start entirely incognito--Jane had even -begged that we should walk on foot the whole way and take no clothes -with us--a messenger arrived from the Florentine Embassy here, saying -that the Duke of Florence had heard of our intended visit and had put a -cavalcade of six carriages, fifty mules, seven litters, and a hundred -men-at-arms at our disposal. How he could have heard of our intention I -don't know! Jane was bitterly disappointed. She cried, and said she had -been looking forward to this walking tour more than to anything else. -But I managed to soothe her, and she eventually consented to accept the -escort of the Duke. It would have been impossible to refuse. As it was, -we were very comfortable. We stopped at Bologna on the way, and Jane -insisted on going to the market and buying a sausage. She tried to make -me taste it, but I cannot endure the taste of garlic. - -At Florence we were magnificently received, and taken at once to the -Palace--where the rooms are very spacious. Jane complains of the -draughts and the cold. It is still pouring with rain. There is a very -fine collection of Greek statues to be seen here, but Jane takes no -interest in these things. The first thing she did was to go to the New -bridge, which is lined with goldsmiths' shops on both sides and to spend -a great deal of money on perfectly useless trinkets. She says she must -have some things to bring back to my sisters. This was thoughtful of -her. The Duke is going to give a great banquet in our honour on Tuesday -next. - -_June_ 23.--The feast is to-night. The gardens have been hung with -lanterns: a banquet has been prepared on a gigantic scale. Five hundred -guests have been bidden. Jane was greatly looking forward to it and lo -and behold! by the most evil mischance a terrible vexation has befallen -us. A courier arrived this morning, bearing letters for me, and among -them was one announcing the death of the Duke of Burgundy, who is my -uncle by marriage. I told Jane that of course we could not possibly be -present at the banquet. Jane said that I knew best, but that the Duke -would be mortally offended by our absence, since he had arranged the -banquet entirely for us and spent a sum of 10,000 ducats on it. It would -be, she pointed out--and I am obliged to admit she is right--most -impolitic to annoy the Duke. After an hour's reflection I hit on what -seemed to me an excellent solution--that we should be present, but -dressed in mourning. Jane said this was impossible as she had no black -clothes. Then she suggested that I should keep back the news until -to-morrow, and if the news were received in other quarters, deny its -authenticity, and say we had a later bulletin. This on the whole seemed -to be the wisest course. As the etiquette here is very strict and the -Dowager Duchess is most particular, I pray that Jane may be careful and -guarded in her expressions. - -_June_ 25.--My poor dear mother was right after all. I should have -listened, and now it is too late. The dinner went off very well. We sat -at a small table on a raised dais. Jane sat between the Duke and the -Prime Minister and opposite the Dowager Duchess. There was no one at the -table, except myself, under sixty years of age, and only the greatest -magnates were present. Jane was silent and demure and becomingly -dressed. I congratulated myself on everything. After the banquet came -the dance, and Jane took part with exquisite grace in the saraband: she -observed all the rules of etiquette. The Dowager Duchess seemed charmed -with her. Then later came supper, which was served in a tent, and which -was perhaps more solemn than everything. When the time came to lead Jane -to supper she was nowhere to be found. Outside in the garden the minor -nobles were dancing in masks, and some mimes were singing. We waited, -and then a message came that the Queen had had a touch of ague and had -retired. The supper went off gloomily. At the close an enormous pie was -brought in, the sight of which caused a ripple of well-bred applause. -"Viva Il Re Cophetua" was written on it in letters of pink sugar. It was -truly a triumph of culinary art. The mime announced that the moment had -come for it to be cut, and as the Grand Duke rose to do this the thin -crust burst of itself, and out stepped Jane, with no garments beside her -glorious dark hair! She tripped on to the table, and then with a peal of -laughter leapt from it and ran into the garden, since when she has not -been heard of! My anguish and shame are too great for words. - -But the Duke and the Dowager have been most sympathetic. - -_June_ 26.--Jane has fled, and my jewels as well as hers are missing. - -It is suspected that the attaché at the Florentine Embassy at Milan is -at the bottom of the conspiracy, for Jane herself had a good heart. - - - - -IV - -FROM THE DIARY OF FROISSART, WAR CORRESPONDENT - - -_Parys, The Feast of the Epiphanie_.--The astrologers say there will be -plenty-full trouble in Normandy, in the spring. - -_June_ 10.--To dyner with the Cardinall of Piergourt to meet the gentyll -King of Behayne and the Lorde Charles, his son. The Cardinall sayd -neither the Kynge of Englande nor the Frenche Kynge desire warre, but -the honour of them and of their people saved, they wolde gladly fall to -any reasonable way. But the King of Behayne shook his heade and sayd: "I -am feare I am a pesymyste," which is Almayne for a man who beholds the -future with no gladde chere. - -_June_ 20.--The great merchaunt of Araby, Montefior, says there will be -no warre. He has received worde from the cytie of London, and his -friends, great merchaunts all, and notably, Salmone and Glukstyn, sayd -likewise that there will be no warre. - -_June_ 30.--The currours have brought worde home, the Kynge of Englande -was on the see with a great army, and is now a lande in Normandy. Have -received faire offers for chronycles of the warre from London, Parys, -and Rome; they offer three thousand crounes monthly, payeing curtesly -for all my expenses. Have sayd I will gladly fall to their wish. - -_July_ 1.--Trussed bagge and baggage in great hast and departed towarde -Normandy, the seat of warre. - -_July_ 2.--Ryde but small journeys, and do purpose, being no great -horseman, every time I have to ryde a horse, to add three crounes to the -expenses which my patrons curtesly pay. - -Take lodgynges every day bytwene noone and thre of the clocke. Finde the -contrey frutefull and reasonably suffycent of wyne. - -_July_ 3, _Cane_.--A great and ryche town with many burgesses, crafty -men. They solde wyne so deare that there were no byers save myself who -bought suffycent and added to the lyste which my patrons curtesly pay. - -_July_ 4, _Amyense_.--Left Cane and the englysshmen have taken the toune -and clene robbed it. Right pensyve as to putting my lyfe in adventure. - -Sir Godmar de Fay is to kepe note of the chronyclers and he has ordayned -them to bring him their chronycles. He has curtesly made these rules -for the chronyclers. Chronyclers may only chronycle the truth. -Chronyclers may not chronycle the names of places, bridges, rivers, -castels where batayles happen--nor the names of any lordes, knyghtes, -marshals, erles, or others who take part in the batayle: nor the names -of any weapons or artillery used, nor the names or numbers of any -prisoners taken in batayle. - -Thanks to Sir Godmar de Fay the chronycler's task has been made lyghter. - -_July_ 6, _Calys_.--The chronyclers have been ordayned by Sir Godmar de -Fay to go to Calys. There are nine chronyclers. One is an Alleymayne, -who is learned in the art of warre, one is a Genowayes, and one an -Englysshman, the rest are Frenche. The cytie of Calys is full of drapery -and other merchauntdyse, noble ladyes and damosels. The chronyclers -have good wyl to stay in the cytie. - -_July_ 7.--Sir Godmar de Fay has ordayned all the chronyclers to leave -the cytie of Calys and to ride to a lytell town called Nully, where -there are no merchauntdyse, and no damosels, nor suffycent of wyne. The -chronyclers are not so merrie as in the cytie of Calys. - -_July_ 9.--Played chesse with the Genowayse and was checkmate with a -bishop. - -_August_ 6.--The chronyclers are all pensyve. They are lodged in the -feldes. There has fallen a great rayne that pours downe on our tents. -There is no wyne nor pasties, nor suffycent of flesshe, no bookes for to -rede, nor any company. - -Last nyghte I wrote a ballade on Warre, which ends, "But Johnnie -Froissart wisheth he were dead." It is too indiscrete to publysh. I wysh -I were at Calys. I wysh I were at Parys. I wysh I were anywhere but at -Nully. - -_August_ 23.--At the Kynge's commandment the chronyclers are to go to -the fronte. - -_August_ 25, _Friday_.--The Kynge of Englande and the French Kynge have -ordayned all the business of a batayle. I shall watch it and chronycle -it from a hill, which shall not be too farre away to see and not too -neare to adventure my lyfe. - -_August_ 26.--I rode to a windmill but mistooke the way, as a great -rayne fell, then the eyre waxed clere and I saw a great many Englyssh -erls and Frenche knyghtes, riding in contrarie directions, in hast. Then -many Genowayse went by, and the Englysshmen began to shote feersly with -their crossbowes and their arowes fell so hotly that I rode to a lytell -hut, and finding shelter there I wayted till the snowe of arowes should -have passed. Then I clymbed to the top of the hill but I could see -lytell but dyverse men riding here and there. When I went out again, -aboute evensong, I could see no one aboute, dyverse knyghtes and squyers -rode by looking for their maisters, and then it was sayd the Kynge had -fought a batayle, and had rode to the castell of Broye, and thence to -Amyense. - -_August_ 30.--The chronyclers have been ordayned to go to Calys, whereat -they are well pleased save for a feare of a siege. The chronyclers have -writ the chronycle of the Day of Saturday, August 26. It was a great -batayle, ryght cruell, and it is named the batayle of Cressey. - -Some of the chronyclers say the Englysshmen discomfyted the French; -others that the King discomfyted the Englysshe; but the Englysshmen -repute themselves to have the victorie; but all this shall be told in my -chronycle, which I shall write when I am once more in the fayre cytie of -Parys. It was a great batayle and the Frenche and the Englysshe Lordes -are both well pleased at the feats of arms, and the Frenche Kynge, -though the day was not as he wolde have had it, has wonne hygh renowne -and is ryght pleased--likewise the Englysshe Kynge, and his son; but -both Kynges have ordayned the chronyclers to make no boast of their good -adventure. - -_August_ 30.--The Kynge of Englande has layd siege to Calys and has sayd -he will take the towne by famysshing. When worde of this was brought to -the chronyclers they were displeased. It is well that I have hyd in a -safe place some wyne and other thynges necessarie. - -_Later_.--All thynges to eat are solde at a great pryce. A mouse costs a -croune. - -_August_ 31.--All the poore and mean people were constrained by the -capture of Calys to yssue out of the town, men, women, and children, and -to pass through the Englysshe host, and with them the poore chronyclers. -And the Kynge of Englande gave them and the chronyclers mete and drinke -to dyner, and every person ii d. sterlying in alms. - -And the chronyclers have added to the lyst of their costs which their -patrons curtesly pay: To loss of honour at receiving alms from an -Englysshe Kynge, a thousand crounes. - - - - -V - -FROM THE DIARY OF GEORGE WASHINGTON - -WRITTEN WHEN A SCHOOLBOY - - -_Bridges Creek_, 1744, _September_ 20.--My mother has at last consented -to let me go to school. I had repeatedly made it quite plain to her that -the private tuition hitherto accorded to me was inadequate; that I would -be in danger of being outstripped in the race owing to insufficient -groundwork. My mother, although very shrewd in some matters, was -curiously obstinate on this point. She positively declined to let me -attend the day-school, saying that she thought I knew quite enough for a -boy of my age, and that it would be time enough for me to go to school -when I was older. I quoted to her Tacitus' powerful phrase about the -insidious danger of indolence; how there is a charm in indolence--but -let me taste the full pleasure of transcribing the noble original: -"Subit quippe etiam ipsius inertiæ dulcedo: et invisa primo desidia -postremo amatur"; but she only said that she did not understand Latin. -This was scarcely an argument, as I translated it for her. - -I cannot help thinking that there was sometimes an element of pose in -Tacitus' much-vaunted terseness. - -_September_ 29.--I went to school for the first time to-day. I confess I -was disappointed. We are reading, in the Fourth Division, in which I was -placed at my mother's express request, Eutropius and Ovid; both very -insipid writers. The boys are lamentably backward and show a deplorable -lack of interest in the classics. The French master has an accent that -leaves much to be desired, and he seems rather shaky about his past -participles. However, all these things are but trifles. What I really -resent is the gross injustice which seems to be the leading principle at -this school--if school it can be called. - -For instance, when the master asks a question, those boys who know the -answer are told to hold up their hands. During the history lesson Henry -VIII. was mentioned in connection with the religious quarrels of the -sixteenth century, a question which, I confess, can but have small -interest for any educated person at the present day. The master asked -what British poet had written a play on the subject of Henry VIII. I, of -course, held up my hand, and so did a boy called Jonas Pike. I was told -to answer first, and I said that the play was in the main by Fletcher, -with possible later interpolations. The usher, it is scarcely credible, -said, "Go to the bottom of the form," and when Jonas Pike was asked he -replied, "Shakespeare," and was told to go up one. This was, I consider, -a monstrous piece of injustice. - -During one of the intervals, which are only too frequent, between the -lessons, the boys play a foolish game called "It," in which even those -who have no aptitude and still less inclination for this tedious form of -horse-play, are compelled to take part. The game consists in one boy -being named "it" (though why the neuter is used in this case instead of -the obviously necessary masculine it is hard to see). He has to -endeavour to touch one of the other boys, who in their turn do their -best to evade him by running, and should he succeed in touching one of -them, the boy who is touched becomes "it" _ipso facto_. It is all very -tedious and silly. I was touched almost immediately, and when I said -that I would willingly transfer the privilege of being touched to one of -the other boys who were obviously eager to obtain it, one of the bigger -boys (again Jonas Pike) gave me a sharp kick on the shin. I confess I -was ruffled. I was perhaps to blame in what followed. I am, perhaps, -inclined to forget at times that Providence has made me physically -strong. I retaliated with more insistence than I intended, and in the -undignified scuffle which ensued Jonas Pike twisted his ankle. He had to -be supported home. When questioned as to the cause of the accident I -regret to say he told a deliberate falsehood. He said he had slipped on -the ladder in the gymnasium. I felt it my duty to inform the head-master -of the indirect and unwilling part I had played in the matter. - -The head master, who is positively unable to perceive the importance of -plain-speaking, said, "I suppose you mean you did it." I answered, "No, -sir; I was the resisting but not the passive agent in an unwarrantable -assault." The result was I was told to stay in during the afternoon and -copy out the First Eclogue of Virgil. It is characteristic of the head -master to choose a feeble Eclogue of Virgil instead of one of the -admirable Georgics. Jonas Pike is to be flogged, as soon as his foot is -well, for his untruthfulness. - -This, my first experience of school life, is not very hopeful. - -_October_ 10.--The routine of the life here seems to me more and more -meaningless. The work is to me child's play; and indeed chiefly -consists in checking the inaccuracies of the ushers. They show no -gratitude to me--indeed, sometimes the reverse of gratitude. - -One day, in the English class, one of the ushers grossly misquoted Pope. -He said, "A little knowledge is a dangerous thing." I held up my hand -and asked if the line was not rather "A little learning is a dangerous -thing," adding that Pope would scarcely have thought a little -_knowledge_ to be dangerous, since all _knowledge_ is valuable. The -usher tried to evade the point by a joke, which betrayed gross -theological ignorance. He said: "All Popes are not infallible." - -One of the boys brought into school a foolish toy--a gutta-percha snake -that contracts under pressure and expands when released, with a -whistling screech. - -Jonas Pike, who is the most ignorant as well as the most ill-mannered of -all the boys, suggested that the snake should be put into the French -master's locker, in which he keeps the exercises for the week. The key -of the locker is left in charge of the top boy of the class, who, I say -it in all modesty, is myself. Presently another boy, Hudson by name, -asked me for the key. I gave it to him, and he handed it to Pike, who -inserted the snake in the locker. When the French master opened the -locker the snake flew in his face. He asked me if I had had any hand in -the matter. I answered that I had not touched the snake. He asked me if -I had opened the locker; I, of course, said "No." Questioned further as -to how the snake could have got there, I admitted having lent the key to -Hudson, ignorant of any ulterior purpose. In spite of this I was -obliged, in company with Pike and Hudson, to copy out some entirely -old-fashioned and meaningless exercises in syntax. - -_October_ 13.--A pretty little episode happened at home to-day. The -gardener's boy asked me if he might try his new axe on the old -cherry-tree, which I have often vainly urged mother to cut down. I said, -"By all means." It appears that he misunderstood me and cut down the -tree. My mother was about to send him away, but I went straight to her -and said I would take the entire responsibility for the loss of the tree -on myself, as I had always openly advocated its removal and that the -gardener's boy was well aware of my views on the subject. My mother was -so much touched at my straightforwardness that she gave me some candy, a -refreshment to which I am still partial. Would that the ushers at -school could share her fine discrimination, her sound judgment, and her -appreciation of character. - - - - -VI - -FROM THE DIARY OF MARCUS AURELIUS - - -_Rome. The Ides of March_.--It is curious that Julius Cæsar should have -considered this date to be unlucky! It was on that--for him -auspicious--date that he was for ever prevented from committing the -egregious folly of accepting the crown of Rome. A _king_ of Rome is an -unthinkable thing! An emperor of the Roman Empire is, of course, a very -different matter. - -_April_ 1.--Faustina, in accordance with some ridiculous tradition, -committed a grossly undignified act. She came into my study, the third -hour--my busiest time, and asked me to lend her the memoirs of Remus in -the Wolf's Lair. I spent a fruitless half-hour in search of the book. It -then occurred to me that the whole matter was a jest--in the very worst -taste, since both my secretaries were present--and I regret to say they -smiled. - -_April_ 6.--Went to the games, in company with Faustina and Commodus. -Commodus, as usual, too exuberant in the manner of his applause. I am -all in favour of his applauding. The games are not what they used to be. -The modern lions consume the Christians without the slightest -discrimination. All this modern hurry and hustle is very distressing. - -_April_ 10.--Stayed at Tivoli with V.... and A.... from Saturday to -Monday. Even in a country house a day may be well spent. Much -interesting talk on the Fiscal question. V.... deprecates Tariff Reform -in all its shapes. A.... while remaining, as he ever was, a staunch Free -Trader, considers that in some cases--and given certain conditions ---retaliation is admissible--possibly in the matter of the fringes of -litters and the axles of chariot-wheels---objects which exclusively -concern the very rich. - -_April_ 20.--An exhilarating day. Walked to the Tiber and back. Read the -preface of the new Persian grammar. Faustina interrupted me three times -over purely trivial matters of domestic detail. - -_April_ 20.--Commodus is impossible. He grows more and more extravagant -every day. He persists in spending his pocket money in buying absurd -pets--and the gods know that Faustina has enough pets in the house -already. But I am thankful to say I have drawn the line at badgers. I -put my foot down. I was dignified, but firm. I endure Faustina's -peacocks, because I think it is good for my better nature. Besides which -they are ornamental and--if properly dressed--not unpleasant to the -palate, but badgers--! - -_April_ 20.--A painful episode occurred. When I returned from my morning -stroll I was aware that an altercation was taking place in the atrium. I -entered and found myself face to face with two Persian merchants--of the -lowest type--who were exhibiting to Faustina several ropes of pearls. -Faustina, of course, had had no hand in the matter. The merchants had -forced themselves on her presence on some ridiculous pretext. Faustina, -in spite of her faults, values jewels at their true price. She has a -soul above such things. She abhors trinkets. She sees their futility. - -_April_ 23.--Re-read the Iliad. Find it too long. The character of Helen -shows defective psychology. Homer did not understand women. - -_April_ 27.--Games again. Very tame. Lions lethargic as usual. How -dissatisfied Nero would have been! Nero, although a bad poet, was an -excellent organiser. He understood the _psychology of the crowd_. He was -essentially an altruist. Faustina insisted on making a foolish bet. -Women's bets are the last word of silliness. They bet because the name -of a gladiator reminds them of a pet dog, or for some such reason. They -have no inkling of logic: no power of deduction. I found no difficulty -in anticipating the victories of the successful candidates, but I -refrained from making a wager. - -_May_ 1.--Absurd processions in the streets. Faustina painted her face -black and walked round the garden in a movable bower of greenery. I -could see no kind of point or sense in the episode. Under -cross-examination, she confessed that the idea had been suggested to her -by her nurse. All this is very trying. It sets Commodus the worst -possible example. But I suppose I must endure this. The ways of Fate are -inscrutable, and after all, things might have been worse. Faustina might -have been a loose woman! A profligate! - -_May_ 6.--Read out the first canto of my epic on the origins of species -to Faustina and Commodus. Commodus, I regret to say, yawned and finally -dozed. Faustina enjoyed it immensely. She said she always thought that I -was a real poet, and that now she _knew it_. She says she thinks it is -far better than Homer or Virgil; that there is so much more in it. -Faustina is a very good judge of literature. There is no one whose -opinion on matters of art and literature I value more. For instance she -thinks Sappho's lyrics are not only trivial, but coarse. She also thinks -Æschylus much overrated, which, of course, he is. How far we have got -beyond all that! Some day I mean to write a play on the subject of love. -It has never yet been properly treated--on the stage. Sophocles and -Seneca knew nothing of women; and Euripides' women are far too -complicated. - -_May_ 12.--Meditated on religion, but was again interrupted by Faustina -just as I was making a really illuminating note on the subject of Isis. -Much distressed by modern free thought. Commodus pays much too much -attention to the minor goddesses, but this, at his age, is excusable. -He is, thank goodness, entirely untainted by the detestable Jewish or -so-called "Christian" superstition, which I fear is spreading. - -_May_ 13.--V.... and A.... dined. Also a Greek philosopher whose name -escapes me. The Greek was most indiscreet. He discussed the Christian -question before everybody. He must have been aware by my expression that -the topic is one which I consider unfit for public discussion. He not -only discussed, but he actually defended this hysterical, obstinate, -unpatriotic, and fundamentally criminal sect. I do not, of course, -entirely credit the stories current with regard to their orgies and -their human sacrifices. The evidence is not--so far--sufficiently sound; -but, whatever their practices and their rites may be, the Christians are -a pernicious and dangerous sect. They will prove, unless they are -extirpated, the ruin of the Empire. They have no notion of civic duty; -no reverence, no respect for custom or tradition. They are unfilial, and -they are the enemies of the human race. They are a cancer in the State. -Faustina agrees with me, I am glad to say. - -_May_ 14.--Commodus is suspected of having made friends with a Christian -slave. The rumour is no doubt a calumny. I cannot bring myself to -believe that a son of mine, with the education which he has enjoyed, and -the example which has ever been before his eyes, of his father's -unswerving and unremitting devotion to duty and the State, can have -degraded himself by dabbling in this degrading and wicked superstition. -Nevertheless it is as well to be on the safe side, and, after prolonged -reflection, I have decided to make a great sacrifice. I am going to -allow him to take part professionally in the games: under another name -of course. I think it may distract him. The games are a Roman -institution. They are the expression of the Empire. They breathe the -spirit of Romulus, of Brutus, of Regulus, of Fabius Cunctator, of -Cincinnatus, of the Gracchi. Faustina said only yesterday that she felt -she was the mother of at least one Gracchus! That was well said. I was -much touched. - -_May_ 20.--Commodus has appeared with great success, but the Lions still -show apathy. - - - - -VII - -FROM THE DIARY OF MRS JAMES LEE'S HUSBAND - - -_October_ 1.--At last the heat wave is over. It's the first day we have -been able to breathe for months. - -Just as I was coming back from my morning walk, Hilda leant out of the -window, and suggested I could climb up into her room like Romeo. I said -I preferred the door. Hilda shut the window with a bang and was cross -all through luncheon. - -"Rissoles again," I said to Hilda, "you know I hate hashed meat." She -said: "I know I can't give you the food you get at the Grand Hotel." -That's because I went to Deauville last week. - -_October_ 5.--We lit a fire for the first time last night. Hilda said -she felt cold. I thought it was rather stuffy. She said: "Do light the -fire," and went out of the room. I lit it, and it smoked. This chimney -always does smoke at first. When she came back she said: "What have you -done?" I said: "I've lit the fire; you asked me to." She said: "But not -all that wood at once, and you ought to have pushed the wood back." For -the rest of the evening she complained of the heat and the smoke, -although we had the window open in the dining room and the smoke had all -disappeared after a few moments. - -_October_ 7.--It's very windy. Went for a walk on the cliffs. Back -through the fields. Saw a rabbit and a magpie. Wish I had had a gun. - -I said to Hilda that the sea was striped to leeward like a snake, and -olive-coloured, but on the weather side it was spotted with wind. Hilda -said: "You are very observant about the weather." This was a hit at me -and the fire. Little things rankle in her mind. - -Afterwards she was sorry she had said this and she said: "What fun we -shall have here in winter." I don't think it's a winter place myself, -but I want to stay here till I've finished my poem. I'm getting on with -it. - -_October_ 8.--I read out to Hilda a lyric I had just finished. It's to -come in the Second Canto when Lancelot says good-bye to Princess Asra. -The situation is roughly that the Princess bullies him and he gets sick -of it and goes--and then, of course, she's sorry, when it's too late. -He sings the song as he's going. She overhears it. I was rather pleased -with it. Hilda said: "Oh! of course I know I worry you with my -attentions." What this had got to do with the poem I can't think. It was -all because last night, when I was working, Hilda came into my room and -said: "Are you warm enough?" and I said "Yes," rather absent-mindedly, -as I was in the middle of my work. Ten minutes later she looked in again -and asked me if I wanted some beer, and I said "No," without looking up. -Then very soon afterwards she came in a third time, and asked me if I -was sure I wasn't cold, and whether I wouldn't have the fire lit. Rather -snappishly--because it is a bore to be interrupted just when one's on -the verge of getting an idea fixed--I said "No." - -I'm afraid this hurt her feelings. - -_October_ 9.--Since Hilda has given up her sketching she has nothing to -do. I was very busy this afternoon finishing my weekly article in time -for the post. She rushed into the room and said didn't I think a -butterfly settling on a jock was the ultimate symbol of love and the -mind of man? I said I thought she was very probably right. Heavens knows -what she meant. Women's minds move by jerks, one never knows what -they'll say next. They're so irrelevant. - -_October_ 10.--It's blowing a gale. Stuck in the poem. Hilda says it's -cynical. I don't know what she means. She says she didn't know I was so -bitter. I said: "It's only a kind of fairy tale." She said: "Yes; but -that makes it worse." "But it's only an ordinary love story," I said. -She said: "Of course I know nothing can go on being the same. It can no -doubt be better, but not the same as it was before." "But Princess Asra -is only an incident in my poem," I said. Hilda said nothing, but after a -time she asked me whether I thought that was the meaning of the moan of -the wind. I have no idea what she meant by "that." She is very cryptic -sometimes. - -_October_ 11.--Lovely day. The sun came out and I suggested that I -should take a holiday, and that we should go and have a picnic on the -rocks. I was afraid Hilda might have something against the plan--one -never knows. But she didn't. On the contrary she seemed delighted. She -made a hamper and I carried it down to the rocks. We caught shrimps and -threw stones into the sea just like children. I think Hilda enjoyed -herself. On the way home, I asked her why she didn't go on with her -drawing. I really think it's a great pity she has given it up. She has -real talent. She said: "I will if you wish it." I said: "Of course I -don't want you to do it, if you don't like; but I do think it's a pity -to waste such a very real talent." She said: "I quite understand," and -sighed. I wonder what she was thinking of. Hilda is absurdly modest. She -draws extremely well, especially figures. - -_October_ 12.--Hilda has begun drawing again. I am delighted. She began -copying the cast of a hand; but I suggested to her that it would be far -more interesting for her to draw a real hand from nature. So she got a -little girl from the village to sit for her. I am delighted. It gives -her an occupation, and I really am very busy just now. After all, we -came here so as not to be disturbed--to be away from people and -interruptions; and I find that in the last two months I have got through -less work than I did in London in June. I must make up for lost time. I -can't get on with the poem. I think I shall leave it for a time. I -should immensely like Hilda's opinion on what ought to happen next. She -can be of the greatest help and use when she chooses. Unfortunately she -has taken one of those unreasonable and entirely unaccountable dislikes -to this poem, and no argument is of the slightest use. It's no good even -mentioning it. I shall leave it for a time and go on with my other work. -It is most unfortunate that Hilda should look upon it in this light, -especially as she doesn't even know what the subject is; but she has -taken an episode--in fact, one little song--as symbolic of the whole. -But then logic never was Hilda's strong point. - -_October_ 13.--Hilda is getting on very well with the hand. She seems to -enjoy it, which is the great thing. - -_October_ 24.--Have been too busy all these last days thinking, even to -write my diary. Believe I have at last really got an idea for the poem. -Shall begin to-morrow. Have not dared mention it to Hilda. Fortunately -she is still utterly absorbed in her drawing. - -_October_ 27.--Great disappointment. Last night Hilda said it was no -good concealing things any longer, and that one must look facts in the -face. I had no idea what she meant. Then she said she had noticed for -some time past how bored I was here, and how I was longing to get rid -of her. Nothing I could say would persuade her of the contrary. I tried -to explain that I had been searching for a new idea and that this had no -doubt made me appear more absent-minded than usual. She said: "I am not -going to worry you any longer. I am going to set you free." And to my -intense surprise she announced that she had booked a berth on the -steamer for the day after to-morrow. I knew that argument wouldn't be of -any use, so I gave in at once. It is most disappointing just as I had -got an idea I wanted to consult her about. - -_October_ 29.--On board the steamer _Queen Marguerite_. Saw Hilda off. -She insisted on going and refused to argue. Deeply regret she is -leaving. Hilda is the only woman I ever met who remains tidy even on a -steamer. The sea-air suits her. It has done her a world of good, and -it's a great pity she is leaving so soon--she says it's for good; but -that, of course, is ridiculous. - - - - -VIII - -FROM THE DIARY OF SHERLOCK HOLMES - - -_Baker Street, January_ 1.--Starting a diary in order to jot down a few -useful incidents which will be of no use to Watson. Watson very often -fails to see that an unsuccessful case is more interesting from a -professional point of view than a successful case. He means well. - -_January_ 6.--Watson has gone to Brighton for a few days, for change of -air. This morning quite an interesting little incident happened which I -note as a useful example of how sometimes people who have no powers of -deduction nevertheless stumble on the truth for the wrong reason. (This -never happens to Watson, _fortunately_.) Lestrade called from Scotland -Yard with reference to the theft of a diamond and ruby ring from Lady -Dorothy Smith's wedding presents. The facts of the case were briefly -these: On Thursday evening such of the presents as were jewels had been -brought down from Lady Dorothy's bedroom to the drawing-room to be shown -to an admiring group of friends. The ring was amongst them. After they -had been shown, the jewels were taken upstairs once more and locked in -the safe. The next morning the ring was missing. Lestrade, after -investigating the matter, came to the conclusion that the ring had not -been stolen, but had either been dropped in the drawing-room, or -replaced in one of the other cases; but since he had searched the room -and the remaining cases, his theory so far received no support. I -accompanied him to Eaton Square to the residence of Lady Middlesex, Lady -Dorothy's mother. - -While we were engaged in searching the drawing-room, Lestrade uttered a -cry of triumph and produced the ring from the lining of the arm-chair. I -told him he might enjoy the triumph, but that the matter was not quite -so simple as he seemed to think. A glance at the ring had shown me not -only that the stones were false, but that the false ring had been made -in a hurry. To deduce the name of its maker was of course child's play. -Lestrade or any pupil of Scotland Yard would have taken for granted it -was the same jeweller who had made the real ring. I asked for the -bridegroom's present, and in a short time I was interviewing the -jeweller who had provided it. As I thought, he had made a ring, with -imitation stones (made of the dust of real stones), a week ago, for a -young lady. She had given no name and had fetched and paid for it -herself. I deduced the obvious fact that Lady Dorothy had lost the real -ring, her uncle's gift, and, not daring to say so, had had an imitation -ring made. I returned to the house, where I found Lestrade, who had -called to make arrangements for watching the presents during their -exhibition. - -I asked for Lady Dorothy, who at once said to me: - -"The ring was found yesterday by Mr Lestrade." - -"I know," I answered, "but which ring?" - -She could not repress a slight twitch of the eyelids as she said: -"There was only one ring." - -I told her of my discovery and of my investigations. - -"This is a very odd coincidence, Mr Holmes," she said. "Some one else -must have ordered an imitation. But you shall examine my ring for -yourself." Where-upon she fetched the ring, and I saw it was no -imitation. She had of course in the meantime found the real ring. - -But to my intense annoyance she took it to Lestrade and said to him: - -"Isn't this the ring you found yesterday, Mr Lestrade?" - -Lestrade examined it and said, "Of course it is absolutely identical in -every respect." - -"And do you think it is an imitation?" asked this most provoking young -lady. - -"Certainly not," said Lestrade, and turning to me he added: "Ah! -Holmes, that is where theory leads one. At the Yard we go in for facts." - -I could say nothing; but as I said good-bye to Lady Dorothy, I -congratulated her on having found the real ring. The incident, although -it proved the correctness of my reasoning, was vexing as it gave that -ignorant blunderer an opportunity of crowing over me. - -_January_ 10.--A man called just as Watson and I were having breakfast. -He didn't give his name. He asked me if I knew who he was. I said, -"Beyond seeing that you are unmarried, that you have travelled up this -morning from Sussex, that you have served in the French Army, that you -write for reviews, and are especially interested in the battles of the -Middle Ages, that you give lectures, that you are a Roman Catholic, and -that you have once been to Japan, I don't know who you are." - -The man replied that he _was_ unmarried, but that he lived in -Manchester, that he had never been to Sussex or Japan, that he had never -written a line in his life, that he had never served in any army save -the English Territorial force, that so far from being a Roman Catholic -he was a Freemason, and that he was by trade an electrical engineer--I -suspected him of lying; and I asked him why his boots were covered with -the clayey and chalk mixture peculiar to Horsham; why his boots were -French Army service boots, elastic-sided, and bought probably at Valmy; -why the second half of a return ticket from Southwater was emerging from -his ticket-pocket; why he wore the medal of St Anthony on his -watch-chain; why he smoked Caporal cigarettes; why the proofs of an -article on the Battle of Eylau were protruding from his breast-pocket, -together with a copy of the _Tablet_; why he carried in his hand a -parcel which, owing to the untidy way in which it had been made (an -untidiness which, in harmony with the rest of his clothes, showed that -he could not be married) revealed the fact that it contained -photographic magic lantern slides; and why he was tattooed on the left -wrist with a Japanese fish. - -"The reason I have come to consult you will explain some of these -things," he answered. - -"I was staying last night at the Windsor Hotel, and this morning when I -woke up I found an entirely different set of clothes from my own. I -called the waiter and pointed this out, but neither the waiter nor any -of the other servants, after making full enquiries, were able to -account for the change. None of the other occupants of the hotel had -complained of anything being wrong with their own clothes. - -"Two gentlemen had gone out early from the hotel at 7.30. One of them -had left for good, the other was expected to return. - -"All the belongings I am wearing, including this parcel, which contains -slides, belong to someone else. - -"My own things contained nothing valuable, and consisted of clothes and -boots very similar to these; my coat was also stuffed with papers. As to -the tattoo, it was done at a Turkish bath by a shampooer, who learnt the -trick in the Navy." - -The case did not present any features of the slightest interest. I -merely advised the man to return to the hotel and await the real owner -of the clothes, who was evidently the man who had gone out at 7.30. - -This is a case of my reasoning being, with one partial exception, -perfectly correct. Everything I had deduced would no doubt have fitted -the real owner of the clothes. - -Watson asked rather irrelevantly why I had not noticed that the clothes -were not the man's own clothes. - -A stupid question, as the clothes were reach-me-downs which fitted him -as well as such clothes ever do fit, and he was probably of the same -build as their rightful owner. - -_January_ 12.--Found a carbuncle of unusual size in the plum-pudding. -Suspected the makings of an interesting case. But luckily, before I had -stated any hypothesis to Watson--who was greatly excited--Mrs Turner -came in and noticed it and said her naughty nephew Bill had been at his -tricks again, and that the red stone had come from a Christmas tree. Of -course, I had not examined the stone with my lens. - - - - -IX - -FROM THE DIARY OF THE EMPEROR TITUS - - - Titus reginam Berenicem ... cui etiam nuptias - pollicitus ferebatur ... statim ab urbe demisit invitus - invitam. --TACITUS. - -_Rome, Monday_.--The eruption at Vesuvius does not after all appear to -have been greatly exaggerated, as I at first had thought on receiving -Pliny's graphic letter. One never can quite trust literary men when -facts are in question. It is clear that I missed a very fine and -interesting spectacle. In fact I have lost a day. Good phrase, that. -Must try and bring it in some time or other. - -_Tuesday_.--I fear there is no doubt of Berenice's growing -unpopularity. It is tiresome, as I was hoping that the marriage might -take place soon--quietly. She insists on wearing a diadem--which is -unnecessary; and her earrings--made of emeralds and gold cupids--are too -large. She asked me, to-day, if I didn't think she resembled the Rose of -Sharon. I said I supposed she meant the rose of Paestum. She said, "Ah! -You've never read the Song of Songs." I said I had read all Sappho. She -said, "It's not by Sappho, it's by Solomon." I had no idea King Solomon -wrote. - -_Wednesday_.--Berenice has asked some of her relations to stay with her. -They arrived this morning. Her mother, her sister, her younger brother, -and her cousin. They are very conversational. They chatter together like -parrots or cockatoos. They are also insatiably inquisitive. Talked -finance with Paulinus. He says that the Treasury is practically empty. -Nobody in the palace appears to have any ready money. When the usual -crowd of beggars came to the palace this evening for their daily -allowance I had to send them away. It was the first time, Paulinus -remarked, that I had let a day go by without making a gift. "Yes," I -answered, "I have lost a day." The phrase, I am glad to say, was heard -by everybody. I afterwards borrowed a little money from Berenice's -brother, who made no difficulties. He is a nice, generous lad, if a -little talkative, but then we all of us have our faults. Berenice's -mother loses no opportunity of asking when the wedding day is to be. -Most awkward. I temporised. - -_Thursday_.--Berenice's relations have spread the news in the Court, by -telling it to one of the matrons in strict confidence, that I am about -to marry Berenice almost immediately. This is most unfortunate. The news -has created a sensation, and they all say that such a match would be -more than unpopular amongst the people. Berenice has not mentioned it -herself. Lost heavily at dice yesterday. Accepted the offer of -Berenice's brother to lend me a lump sum, instead of constantly -borrowing small coins. I have no doubt that is the wiser course. - -_Thursday, a week later_.--The strain on my purse is terrible. Had, of -course, to subscribe largely to the Pompeii and Herculaneum fund, also -to the pestilence relief, also to the Flavian Amphitheatre fund. -Borrowed another lump sum from Berenice's brother. He is certainly very -good-natured. Berenice's mother again referred to the marriage -question. I said this was an unlucky month for marriages. "Not if you -are born in December," she answered. Unfortunately I was born in -December. - -_Friday_.--Do not know where to turn for money. Do not always want to be -borrowing from Berenice's brother. Somehow or other it makes them all so -familiar. Given the circumstances, and the extreme unpopularity of their -presence here, it is awkward. Besides, it is a shame to trade on the -good-nature of a youth. Have sold all the decorations of the Imperial -residence and devoted a portion of the proceeds to the Relief Fund. Some -one spread the rumour among the dear people that I had devoted the whole -of the money to the Relief Fund. I cannot think how these rumours get -about. - -_Saturday, a week later_.--This has been a most expensive fortnight. -Have had to do a lot of entertaining, and I regret to say I have been -once more obliged to borrow a lump sum from Berenice's brother. How I -shall ever be able to pay him back the gods alone know! Had the news of -my marriage unofficially announced, followed immediately by a -semi-official and ambiguous denial, made to see what effect the news -would have among the public. Paulinus says the impression produced was -deplorable. The Romans cannot, he says, forget that Berenice is a queen. -Of course they can't, if she will wear a crown. People say, he says, -that even Nero and Caligula avoided offending public opinion on this -point. They refer also to Julius Cæsar's action on the Lupercal. There -is no doubt that such a course will ensure me a lasting unpopularity. -But what is to be done? Berenice's relations talk of the marriage as a -matter of course. I have practically promised marriage. Berenice herself -says nothing, but her silence is eloquent. Her brother becomes more and -more familiar, and presses me to accept further loans. I do my best to -refuse, and I have made a vow that the lump sum which he lent me to-day -shall be positively the last one. - -_Monday_.--Paulinus tells me that the Senate have decided to present me -with a monster petition against my marriage. Since it is obviously -impossible--owing to the strong feeling raised and the present excited -state of popular opinion--I have resolved to anticipate events, and I -have given leave to Paulinus to contradict _officially_ the rumours of -my impending marriage. He is to add (unofficially) that Berenice is -shortly leaving Rome for change of air; and that she will probably -spend the summer months in her charming villa on the Dead Sea. In the -meantime I have got to break the news to Berenice before to-morrow -morning. Antiochus, the king of Commagene, arrived here this morning. -More expense! - -_Monday night, later_.--The crisis is partially over. It has been -extremely painful. Berenice at first was incredulous. Then she was -upset, and left me, threatening to kill herself. I sent Paulinus to try -and calm her. She then said she would leave Rome without setting eyes on -me again, and state her reasons in an open letter which she would issue -for private circulation only. This, of course, would have been most -undesirable. Her mother and sister backed her up, and threw up at me the -example of Antony, taunting me with cowardice, of being afraid of the -Senate, and of outraging the dignity of a family, royal in rank, and of -immemorial lineage. (Berenice is directly descended from King Solomon on -her mother's side.) Finally, Berenice's brother came to me and said that -as he would shortly be leaving Rome he would be obliged if I could pay -him back the trifling loans he had favoured me with. He brought a list -of them. He charges interest. It is a tradition, he says, in his family, -to charge 90 per cent, interest on _Royal_ loans. He said that he was -quite willing to apply to the Senate, if the reimbursement in any way -incommoded me. This was a great shock to me. Immediate repayment was and -is impossible. The marriage is equally impossible. I told Berenice -frankly that I could not remain in Rome as Emperor and the husband of a -foreign _Queen_. She said, "But why shouldn't I be Empress?" Woman-like, -she missed the point. I said I was willing to follow her to her villa -and renounce all claim to the Empire. Having offered her this -alternative, I summoned Antiochus, who is an old friend of hers, to be -the arbiter. As soon as the facts were put before him I left them and -Antiochus had a lengthy interview with Berenice in private. I was -convinced this was the best course. At the end of it, Berenice -generously refused to accept my sacrifice, and while renouncing all idea -of self-slaughter or retaliation announced her intention of leaving -Rome. But those loans! and their terrible interest! that matter is still -unsettled! - -_Tuesday_.--All has been settled. Antiochus has lent me the whole sum -due to Berenice's brother, and a handsome margin for my personal use. I -restored the interest and capital of the loan to Berenice's brother. -Said farewell to the family before the whole Court, and handed -Berenice's brother a fine gold chain as a slight token of my esteem. -"This," he said, "is too much." "No man," I answered, "should leave his -prince's presence dissatisfied." Hereupon the whole Court murmured -applause, and by a slight gesture I indicated that the audience was at -an end. Berenice, alas! left Rome at noon, escorted by Antiochus, who is -to spend the summer with her in Palestine. To-day I can say in all -conscientiousness that I have not lost a day; but it seems to me that I -have lost everything else that there is to lose in this life. - - - - -X - -FROM THE DIARY OF HARRIET SHELLEY - - -_George Street, Edinburgh, September_ 6, 1811.--Mr Hogg arrived this -morning. He seemed at first to be quite oblivious of the fact that he -was in the city of the unfortunate Queen Mary. Bysshe and I conducted -him to the palace of Holyrood immediately, where we inspected the -instructive and elegant series of portraits of the Scottish kings. I was -much affected by the sight of the unfortunate Queen's bedroom. - -Mr Hogg has not been well grounded in history; and he was on more than -one occasion inaccurate. He had never heard of Fergus the Just. Bysshe -was much moved, and enchanted by the objects of interest. He ran through -the rooms at a great pace, now and then pointing back at an object of -interest and exclaiming: "That is good." I regretted the absence of -Eliza, but perhaps it is as well that she was not with us on this -occasion. She would not have permitted me to contemplate the tragic -stain of Rizzio's wound, for fear of the effect the sight might have on -my nerves. Mr Hogg was strangely insensible to the sorrowful -associations of the spot. - -After we had inspected the rooms and the relics, Bysshe with intent, I, -with renewed awe, and Mr Hogg with a somewhat inopportune levity, Bysshe -was obliged to go home and write letters, and so I suggested that Mr -Hogg should conduct me to Arthur's Seat, in order to enjoy the sublime -prospect which that eminence commands. - -So sublime, so grand, so inspiring was the view that even Mr Hogg was -impressed. As for myself, words fail to express the manifold and -conflicting emotions which were stirred in my breast. The weather was -fine, clear and tranquil; but alas! no sooner had we started on our -descent than the wind began to blow with great violence. It was of -course impossible for me in such circumstances to risk the impropriety -which might be occasioned, had the wind, as was only too probable, so -disturbed my dress as to reveal to my companion the indelicate spectacle -of my decently concealed ankles, so I seated myself on a rock resolving -to wait until the violence of the wind should subside. Mr Hogg, who laid -unnecessary stress on the fact that he had not dined on either of the -preceding days, and being deficient in a proper sense of delicacy and -seemliness, vowed he would desert me and proceed home by himself. To my -dismay he began to carry his threat into execution, and it was with the -utmost difficulty that I succeeded in accomplishing the descent without -affording him any unseemly exhibition. - -_Sunday_.--The manner in which the Sabbath is observed in this city is -repellent to my principles. Bysshe and Mr Hogg have gone to the Kirk. I -pleaded the wearisome performance would be certain in my case to bring -on a headache and so I remained at home. They returned much exhausted by -the wrestlings of an eminent divine with Satan. I am engaged in -translating Madame Cottin's immortal "Claire D'Albe" into English prose. -This occupies my morning. Bysshe is translating a treatise of Buffon, -with which we were both of us charmed. In the evenings I read out -"Telemachus." - -I regret to say that Bysshe fell asleep while I was but half way through -an instructive discourse of Idomeneius relating to the wise laws of -Crete. Mr Hogg is an attentive listener and it is a pleasure to read to -him. - -_York, October_ 10, 1811.--Travelled by post-chaise from Darlington. -Read "Anna St Ives" by Holcroft in the chaise throughout the journey. -Bysshe was restless and suggested my skipping certain portions of the -narrative. I, of course, declined, knowing that it was the intention of -the authoress that her work should be read without omissions. Bysshe is -obliged to go to London. In the evenings I read out Dr Robertson's -historical works to Mr Hogg. We are on the eve of a great event. My -dear sister Eliza has consented to visit us and is about to arrive. What -a privilege for Mr Hogg, what a source of pleasure for Bysshe. I -ardently regret that he should not be present to welcome her. - -_October_ 25.--Eliza has arrived. I am deeply touched by her kindness in -coming and overcome when I think what a joyful surprise her presence -will be for Bysshe, and how it will illuminate our household. - -_October_ 26.--Bysshe arrived from London. Eliza spent the day brushing -her hair. In the evening I suggested reading aloud from Holcroft; but -Eliza, such is her kind-heartedness, feared that it might upset my -nerves. She felt certain too, that her esteemed friend, Miss Warne, whom -she regards as a pattern and model in all things, would not approve of -Holcroft. - -_October_ 26.--Eliza is certain that Miss Warne would find nothing to -admire in York Minster. Changed our lodgings. Eliza thinks that the pure -mountain air of the Lakes would be salutary to my nerves. Bysshe and Mr -Hogg miss our evening readings. I sometimes, however, continue to read -to them in an undertone when Eliza is brushing her hair. But the -pleasure is marred by the trepidation I am in lest I should disturb her. -Eliza objects to the name Bysshe. She is certain Miss Warne could not -endure such a name, so in future my husband shall be called Percy. It is -certainly prettier and more romantic. - -_Keswick, November_ 16.--We have made the acquaintance of the Southeys. -Mr Southey is a great reader and devotes two hours daily to the study -of the Portuguese and Spanish languages. Mrs Southey is an adept at -book-binding and binds her husband's books with elegance and neatness. -Bysshe, I mean Percy, has alas three times narrowly risked offending the -poet. The first time by inadvertently taking a book down from one of his -book-shelves, the second time by falling asleep when Mr Southey after -having locked him into his study was reading aloud to him his epic, "The -Curse of Kehama," and the third time by sharply criticising his action -in eating tea-cakes, and by subsequently devouring a whole plate of -them, himself. - -Bysshe, I mean Percy, has implored me to beg Mrs Southey to instruct me -in the art of making tea-cakes. I wish Eliza could begin to realise the -existence of Bysshe, I mean Percy. She seems altogether unaware of his -presence in the house; but then Eliza is so much occupied in considering -what will be best for me that she has no time to bestow any attention to -anything else. Percy is contemplating the composition of a poem which is -to be called "Queen Mab." Eliza said that Miss Warne had a horror of -"Queen Mab"; Bysshe explained to her that his poem was to be didactic -and philosophical and had nothing to do with fairies. "That," said -Eliza, "makes it worse." Bysshe ran out of the room with shrill -exclamation of impatience. "Hush, hush!" said Eliza, "think of poor -Harriet's nerves." - -_November_ 20.--Bysshe confessed to me that he could see neither beauty -nor charm in Eliza. This is curious since her black hair has always been -an object of universal admiration. I am afraid that Eliza does not -understand him. I need hardly say what a disappointment this is to me. - -Bysshe and I were thinking of writing a novel in collaboration. But -Eliza said that Miss Warne considered that it was not seemly for a woman -to dabble in fiction. Bysshe, I mean Percy--(In writing I find it -difficult to accustom myself to the new name, but I am fortunately -successful in the presence of Eliza in always saying Percy)--Percy and I -are thinking of studying Hebrew. I have not yet told Eliza of this -project. She is opposed to my reading Latin authors in their original -tongue. - -_November_ 30.--We were walking this afternoon in the neighbourhood of -the lake. Percy, Eliza and myself. Percy was talking of Plato's republic -when Eliza interrupted him by recalling to his mind something which she -had indeed often mentioned before, namely, Miss Warne's positive dislike -of all the Greek authors and especially Plato. Scarcely had she uttered -these words, when we looked round and found that Bysshe had vanished in -silence like a ghost in the trees. We called and searched for him in -vain. - -But when we returned to the house we found him awaiting us buried in a -book. - -The incident greatly displeased Eliza and she insisted upon my taking to -my bed as soon as we got home, although I confess I felt no suspicion of -any ailment, nor would she hear of my reading either aloud or to myself. -She sat by my bed-side, brushing her hair. She grieved me by saying that -she could not conceive what Miss Warne would think of Bysshe. I mean -Percy. - - - - -XI - -FROM THE "JOURNAL INTIME" OF THE EMPEROR TIBERIUS - - -_February_ 1.--Disquieting news from Parthia. Artabanus is giving -trouble again. Shall probably have to send an expedition. The military -party in Rome say that there will probably be unrest in Thrace in the -spring. I remember they said the same thing last year. Slept wretchedly -last night. Claricles' medicine is worse than useless. Wrote three -despatches and one private letter. Fed Hannibal, the tortoise. Went for -a stroll in the afternoon. Picked the first wind-flower, and put it in -water. The gardener says we shall have some rain shortly. Please the -Gods this may be true, as the country needs it badly! Dined alone. -Played spilikins after dinner with Fufius, but found it a strain. - -_February_ 2.--Woke at four and remained awake until seven, then went -asleep again, and overslept myself. Scolded Balbus for not calling me. -He said he did not dare call me more emphatically. Told him it must not -occur again. - -_February_ 3.--Nothing particular. - -_February_ 4.--Letter from my mother begging me to come and see her. -Says she is suffering from lung trouble. Women are so unreasonable. She -must realise that it is impossible for me to get away just at present. -Hannibal would not touch his lettuce to-day. This is the third day -running it has happened. Claricles has given him some medicine. Strolled -along to cliffs in the morning. Much vexed by a fisherman who pushed a -lobster under my very nose. I have a horror of shellfish. Varus and -Aufidius dined. Found their conversation a strain. So retired early. -Read the Seventh Book of the "Æneid," but found it insipid. Virgil will -certainly not live. He was a sycophant. - -_February_ 10.--Anniversary of poor Julia's death. Began to write short -poem on the subject, but was interrupted by the arrival of the courier -from Rome. Much vexed, as it altogether interrupted my train of thought -and spoilt what would have been a fine elegy. News from Rome -unsatisfactory. It rained in the afternoon, so I did not go out. Sorted -my specimens of dried herbs, which are in a sad state of confusion. -Dined alone. Dictated a despatch to Sejanus. Read some of the "Alcestis" -(Euripides) before going to bed. Alcestis reminds me of Julia in many -ways. She had the same fervid altruism and the same knack of saying -really disagreeable things. But they both meant well.... - -_March_ 1.--A lovely spring day. Went for a stroll, and jotted down a -few ideas for a poem on Spring. The birds were singing. Listened for -some time to the babbling of the brook. Think of alluding to this in the -poem. "Desilientis aquae" would make a good ending to a pentameter. -Mentioned it to Fufius when I came in, casually. He said he did not -think it was very original. Fufius is hyper-critical. He does not _feel_ -poetry. Finished the memorial lines on Julia ending "Ave atque Vale." -Shall not show them to Fufius. He would be certain to say something -disparaging. Positively haunted by the sight of the wild tulips in the -hills, fluttering in the breeze. Sights like this live in the memory. -Disturbed early in the morning by a noise of hammering. It is strange -that where-ever I go this happens. Made inquiries, and ascertained that -the stable roof is being repaired. If it is not the stable roof it is -sure to be something else. Last week it was a strayed cow which woke me -at five. Find it very difficult to get sleep in the early morning, -whatever precautions I take. In a month's time the nightingales will -begin, and then sleep will be out of the question. Thinking of writing a -poem called "To Sleep." - -_March_ 10.--Claricles says I am overworked and need a change. Have -decided to go for a short walking tour, quite by myself. Thought of -taking Fufius, but knowing how self-willed he is, decided not to. Packed -my knapsack. Took an extra pair of sandals, a worsted scarf, an ivory -comb, two gold toothpicks, and a volume of Sappho's Songs. Find this -light, feminine verse suitable for outdoor life. Shall start early -to-morrow. Had my hair cut. The slave was clumsy when cutting round the -ears. They still smart. Find this fault to be universal among -haircutters. Shall take tablets with me in order to jot down any ideas -for future poems, although Claricles advises me to give up writing for -two or three weeks. - -_March_ 13.--Returned earlier than I expected. Walking tour successful -on the whole. Visited Sorrentum, an idyllic spot. Not sure I don't -prefer it to Capreæ. It is a curious thing that man is always -discontented with what he has, and hankers after what he has not got. -Walked leisurely the first day, stopping every now and then for light -refreshment. Found the country people very civil and anxious to please. -Nobody knew who I was, and I was intensely gratified by many spontaneous -and frank experiences of loyalty and devotion to the Emperor. This is -refreshing in this sceptical age. It is a comfort to think that although -I may not go down to posterity as a great military genius like Julius -Cæsar, I shall at least leave a blameless name, as far as my domestic -life is concerned, and an untarnished reputation for benevolence, -kindness, and unswerving devotion to duty. Without being conceited, I -think that some of my verse will live. I think I shall be among the -Roman poets when I die; but this is not saying much, when one considers -the absurd praise given to poetasters such as Virgil and Ponticus. -Strolling along the seashore near Sorrentum a very pretty little -episode occurred. A woman, one of the fishermen's wives, was sitting by -her cottage door, spinning. Her child, a little girl about six years -old, was playing with a doll hard by. - -I said "Good day" to the fisherman's wife, and she offered me a glass of -wine. I declined, as Claricles has forbidden me red wine, but I said I -would gladly accept a bowl of milk. She immediately went to fetch it, -and the child went with her. When they returned the child offered me the -bowl, lisping in a charming manner. I drank the milk, and the mother -then said to the child: - -"Tell the kind gentleman whom you love best in the world." - -"Papa and mamma," lisped the child. - -"And after that?" asked the mother. - -"After that the divine Emperor Tiberius, who is the father and the -mother of us all," she said. - -I gave the mother a gold piece. Fufius says it is a mistake to give -money to the poor, and that it pauperises them. He says one does more -harm than good by indiscriminate charity. But I think it cannot be a bad -thing to follow the impulses of the heart. I should like this to be said -of me: "Although he had many faults, such as discontent and want of -boldness, his heart was in the right place." It is little incidents like -the one I noted above which make up for the many disappointments and -trials of a monarch's life. The second day of my tour was marred by a -thunder-shower, but I found a thrush's nest and three eggs in it. There -are few things which move me so inexpressibly as the sight of a thrush's -nest with the eggs lying in it. It is curious that the nightingale's -egg should be so ugly. Owing to the bad weather, and the rheumatism in -my joints which it brought on, I was obliged to cut short my tour. - -(_This extract probably belongs to a later period_) - -_June_.--Asinius Gallus has again sent in a petition about the prison -fare. It appears he has a conscientious objection to eating veal. The -officials say they can do nothing. If they make an exception in his -favour they will be obliged to do so in many less deserving cases. I -confess these little things worry me. Our prison system seems to me -lacking in elasticity; but it is dreadfully difficult to bring into -effect any sweeping reform; because if the prison disciplinary system is -modified to meet the requirements of the more cultivated prisoners, the -prisons would be crowded with ruffians who would get themselves arrested -on purpose. At least this is the official view, and it is shared by -Sejanus, who has gone into the matter thoroughly. I confess it leaves me -unconvinced. I am glad to say we are ahead of the Persians in the -matter. In Persia they think nothing of shutting up a prisoner--of -whatever rank--in a cell and keeping him isolated from the world -sometimes for as long as three months at a time. This seems to me -barbarous. - -_July_ 6.--The heat is overpowering. Agrippina threatens to come home -and to bring her daughter. I wrote saying I thought it is very unwise to -bring children here at this time of year, owing to the prevalence of -fever. She answered that her daughter was looking forward to the -sea-bathing. If they come it will mean that my summer will be ruined. - -_July_ 7.--I went to the home farm this afternoon. The farmer's wife is -very ill. There is little or no hope of her recovery. Spent two hours -there reading out passages of the "Odyssey." She does not understand -Greek; but it seemed to soothe her. Her husband told her that he felt -confident that she could not get worse after this. The faith of these -simple folk is most touching. How unlike Fufius and all his friends. - -_August_ 1.--There is no news except that, as always occurs at this time -of year, the Phœnix is reported to have been seen in Egypt. - -_August_ 3.--One of those distressing little incidents happened to-day -which entirely spoil one's comfort and peace of mind for the moment: -just like a piece of dust getting into one's eye. My old friend Lucius -Anuseius came all the way from Rhodes to see me. By some mistake he was -shown into the Chamber, where prisoners are examined, and before the -error was rectified he was rather rudely interrogated. It turned out -afterwards that Balbus mistook him for Titus Anuseius, the informer. -Balbus is growing more and more stupid; he forgets everything. I ought -to send him away; on the other hand, he knows my habits, and I should -feel lost without him. As it is, Claricles says that Lucius is likely to -feel it for several days. He is so sensitive and the slightest thing -upsets his nerves. All his family are touchy, and I am afraid he will -look upon the matter as a deliberate slight. If it had happened to -anyone else it would not have mattered. They would have understood at -once. This has quite put me out. But, as Fufius says, how little I -shall think of this in a year's time. - -_August_ 7.--Lucius Anuseius left the island in a huff. It is most -regrettable. - -_August_ 12.--Agrippina arrives to-morrow. There is nothing to be done. -How pleasant life would be were it not for one's relations. - - - - -XII - -FROM THE DIARY OF ŒDIPUS REX - - -_Corinth. The Feast of the Minotaur._--My birthday and coming-of-age. -All went oft very successfully. Papa gave me a chariot and mamma a -pocket tooth-pick, set in gold, with an Egyptian inscription on it (two -flamingoes and a water-rat, which means in Egyptian "Be merry and -wise"). Nausicaa, my nurse, gave me a stylus-wiper with "A Present from -Corinth" beautifully worked into it in silk. Polyphemus, our faithful -old messenger (who has only one eye), gave me a pair of sandal strings. -Very useful, as I'm always losing mine. - -In the morning, after I had received all the family congratulations and -tokens, at the first meal, there was a public presentation of gifts in -the palace. - -The town of Corinth sent a deputation, headed by the Priest of the -Temple of Castor and Pollux, which presented me, on behalf of the city, -with a silver vase, symbolic of the freedom of the city, beautifully -embossed, and engraved with a suitable inscription. - -The priest made a long speech, and papa, who never cared for oratory, -kept on muttering, "By Demeter, be brief," but the priest wasn't brief. -He spoke for nearly an hour. - -Then I had to respond. I said I would earnestly endeavour to follow in -my father's footsteps and to deserve the good-will and esteem of my -future subjects, which was being manifested in so touching and patriotic -a fashion. My speech had all been written out for me beforehand by -Zoroaster, my Persian tutor; but I flatter myself I added a few -unexpected and telling touches. - -For instance, I began by saying: "Unaccustomed as I am to speaking in -public--." They cheered this to the echo. - -I also managed to bring in rather an amusing anecdote about how a -foreign merchant called Abraham tried to get the better of a Corinthian -merchant in a bargain, and how the Corinthian got the best of him by -guile. This provoked loud laughter. - -My peroration, ending with the words: - - "What do they know of Corinth who only Corinth know?" - -(a quotation from Tyrtæus) was loudly cheered. But my cousin Thersites -almost spoilt the effect by adding audibly, "Quite enough." - -In the afternoon there were games, and an ox was roasted whole for the -_ὁι πολλὸι._ Papa says, now I am of age, I must go and pay my respects -to the oracle at Delphi. It is a family tradition. - -_Delphi_.--(What is the date?)--Arrived at last after a tedious journey. -The inn is very uncomfortable. This is too bad, as in the guide book -(Odysseus') it is marked with a constellation of the Pleiades, which -means very good. The wine tastes of tar. And the salt is a chemical -compound called _Σερεβος_. I made a scene and asked for ordinary slaves' -salt, and they hadn't got any. - -Shall not stay at this inn again, and I shall warn others not to. It is -called ΞΕΝΩΛΟΧΕΙΟΝ ΒΑΓΟΝΛΗ. Disappointed in the Temple (very _late_ -architecture) and still more in the Oracle. I suppose it thought I -didn't pay enough. But because one happens to be a prince, I don't see -why one should be robbed. Besides which. I am travelling incognito as -Kyrios Ralli. But the priests bowed, and they all called me, "your -Shiningness." The Oracle was quite absurd, and evidently in a very bad -temper. It said I would kill my father and marry my mother. It only -shows how absurd the whole thing is. I hate superstition, and oracles -ought to be stopped by law. Gypsies on the roadside are put in gaol. Why -should oracles be supported by the State? I shall write to the _False -Witness_ about it. - -In the afternoon went to the theatre. Saw the tragedy of Adam and Eve, a -historical drama, translated from the Hebrew. Very long. The part of -the Archangel, danced by Thepsis, was very bad, and the man who danced -Eve was too old; but the snake was good. Scenery fine, especially the -tree (which had real leaves). - -_Daulis, Tuesday_.--Arrived this morning. Very disappointing; the famous -Daulian nightingale is not singing this spring. Just my luck. Rather an -amazing incident happened yesterday on the way. My chariot was run into -by a stranger. He was on the wrong side of the road, and, of course, -entirely in the wrong. Also, his charioteer was not sober. We shouted, -and we gave them ample room, and time, but he ran straight into us and -his chariot was upset. The owner and charioteer were both taken to the -Æsculapian Home, which is under the management of the Red Serpent. The -doctor said it was serious. We did all we could, but had to go on, as I -was due at Daulis to-day. - -_Thebes, a year later_.--Staying with Queen Jocasta, a charming widow. -All very comfortable. Everybody is concerned about the Sphinx, who is -really causing great annoyance, asking impertinent riddles, and playing -dangerous practical jokes on people who can't answer. They want me to -go. Very tiresome, as I never could answer a riddle; but it's difficult -to refuse. - -_Wednesday_.--Saw the Sphinx. Guessed the riddle first shot. It asked -what was that which runs on two legs, has feathers and a beak, and barks -like a dog. I said "pheasant," and I added, "You put that in about the -barking to make it more difficult." The Sphinx was very angry and went -off in a huff, for good. - -_Thursday_.--As a reward for getting rid of the Sphinx I am allowed to -marry the Queen; we are engaged. Everybody thinks it an excellent thing. -She is a little older than I am; but I don't think that matters. - - * * * * * - -(_Ten years later_) - -_Thebes_.--Rather a severe epidemic of plague. They say it is not -bubonic, however. In fact, it is what they call plagueen. Still, there -are a great many deaths. - -_Thebes, a week later_.--The plague increasing. Have sent for Tiresias -to find out what it comes from. - -_Tuesday_.--Tiresias arrived. Very cross and guarded. Don't believe he -knows anything about it. Doesn't want to commit himself. He loves making -mysteries. - -_Saturday_.--Insisted on Tiresias speaking out. Regret having done so -now. He flew into a passion, and threatened the whole court with -"exposure" and "revelations." That's the last thing we want now. - -_Monday_.--Had it all out with Tiresias. He told the most absurd cock -and bull story. Utterly preposterous, but very disagreeable even to have -such things hinted. Said nothing to Jocasta, as yet. Luckily, there are -no proofs. Tiresias has raked up an old shepherd, who is ready to swear -I am not the son of the King of Corinth, but the son of Laius, King of -Thebes, and of Jocasta (my wife!); and that Laius was the man I -accidentally killed years ago on the road to Daulis! - -Tiresias says this is the sole cause of the plague, which is getting -worse. They now say it _is_ Asiatic. - -_Thursday_.--I interviewed and cross-examined the shepherd in the -presence of Tiresias. There seems to be no doubt whatsoever about the -facts. But I cannot see that any good can be done now, after all these -years, by making a public scandal. It is, after all, a family matter. -Tiresias says the plague will not stop unless the whole truth is -published. Very awkward. Don't know how to break it to Jocasta. - -_Friday_ (_dictated_).--Jocasta overheard me discussing the matter with -Tiresias and jumped, rashly, to conclusions. She had hysterics, and, -losing all self-control, seriously injured both my eyes with a pin. I -may very likely be blind for life. She was very sorry afterwards, and is -now laid up. I and the children leave for Colonnus to-morrow, and it is -settled that I am to abdicate in favour of Creon on the plea of -ill-health and overwork. The children have been told nothing; but -Antigone, who is far too precocious, alluded to Jocasta as grand-mamma. -The matter will be hushed up as far as possible. - -_Citium Colonnus, two months later_.--The air here is delicious. Must -say the change is doing me good. - - - - -XIII - -FROM THE DIARY OF WILLIAM THE CONQUEROR - - -_Rouen_, 1066.--Disquieting news from London. My friend, benefactor and -relation, my brother Sovereign, Edward of England, has again had one of -his attacks. It comes, I am sure, from not eating meat. Were anything to -happen to him, I should be obliged to go over to London at once and -settle as to the carrying on of the Government with Harold. Nothing -could be more inconvenient at the present moment. Have the utmost -confidence in Harold; but I fear the influence of the English nobility. -I like the English; but they are not to be trusted in foreign politics. -They are naturally perfidious, and they don't know it. They think they -are more virtuous than other people; or rather that they are exempted -from the faults and the vices which are common to us all. The European -situation seems unsatisfactory. - -Among other things Father Anselm writes that a certain party among the -Englishwomen want to be admitted to the Witenagemot. The majority of the -women are against it. The agitators sent a deputation to Westminster, -but the King said it would not be according to the precedents to receive -them. They were so annoyed at this that they made a dastardly attack on -the beautiful old Druid Temple of Stonehenge, almost completely -destroying it. F. Anselm says only a few blocks of stone are left, and -that the place is unrecognisable. - -The ringleaders were taken and claimed the ordeal by fire and the matter -was referred to the Archbishop of Canterbury, who said that it was not a -matter to be dealt with by ordeal. (Quite right!) He put the case into -the hands of a select body of matrons, chosen from all classes. These -decided that the offenders should be publicly whipped by women, and sent -home. This was done, much to the satisfaction of everybody. - -_Rouen_.--Heard Mass and went out hunting. Excellent sport. Shot a fox -and six thrushes. Had thrush-pie for dinner. Find it difficult to get on -horse-back without aid. - -_Rouen_.--Received a letter from the Pope. He says that should anything -happen to King Edward--he is, of course, far from suggesting such a -thing, but one must take everything into consideration--I must be very -firm about claiming the succession. H.H. says that although, of course, -it would be indelicate for him to raise the question _just now_, he -knows it is the King's wish that I should succeed him. He seems to think -Harold may give trouble. But Harold is bound to me by oath. Also I saved -his life. - -_Rouen_.--Took William out hunting. His red hair frightens the ducks. -Have told him over and over again to get a close-fitting green cap. The -boys are always quarrelling. I don't know what is to be done with them. -Robert broke his new battle-axe yesterday in a fit of passion. - -My only consolation is that Henry is really making some progress with -his tutor. He last learnt the alphabet as far as the letter F. - -_Rouen_.--A fisherman arrived last night from Southampton with the news -that King Edward is dead. The news, he said, was confirmed by the -appearance of a strange star with a tail to it in the sky. I have -questioned the courier and gathered he had only got the news at -second-hand. The rumour is probably baseless. - -_Rouen_.--The regular courier did not arrive this evening. The bag was -brought by an Englishman. The official bulletin states that the King is -slightly indisposed owing to a feverish cold, which he caught while -inspecting the newly-raised body of archers, in the New Forest. A -private letter from the archbishop tells me, in strict confidence, that -the King's illness is more dangerous than people think. The children -again quarrelled to-day. Matilda, as usual, took Henry's part, and said -I was to blame. These domestic worries are very trying at such a -critical moment. As a matter of fact, Henry teases his elder brothers, -and boasts to them of his superior scholarship; they retaliate, -naturally enough, by cuffing the boy, who complains at once to his -mother. Since Henry has mastered the rudiments of the alphabet, his -conceit has been quite beyond bounds. Of course, I admit it is clever of -him. He is a clever boy. There is no doubt about that, but he shouldn't -take advantage of it. - -_Rouen_.--Again the regular courier has not arrived. The bag again -brought by an Englishman. According to a bulletin the King is going on -well. Received a very friendly note from Harold, putting Pevensey Castle -at my disposal, should I visit England in the autumn--and suggesting -sport in the New Forest. - -_Rouen_.--Messenger arrived direct from London, _via_ Newhaven. He says -the King died last week, and that Harold has proclaimed himself King. -Matilda said this would happen from the first. I think there can be no -doubt that the news is authentic. The messenger, who is an old servant -of mine, is thoroughly to be trusted. He saw the King's body lying in -state. This explains why the regular messengers have not arrived. Harold -had them stopped at the coast. This, in itself, is an unfriendly act. -Matilda says I must invade England at once. Think she is right. But wish -war could be avoided. Have written to the Pope asking for his moral -support. Invasion a risky thing. Discussed the matter with General -Bertram, who is an excellent strategist. He says he can devise fifty -ways of landing troops in England, but not one way of getting them out -again. That is just it. Supposing we are cut off? The English army is -said to be very good indeed. - -_Rouen_.--Invasion of England settled. Must say have great misgivings on -the subject. If we fail, the King of France is certain to attack us -here. Matilda, however, won't hear of any other course being taken. Have -privately sent a message to Harold proposing that we should settle the -matter in a friendly fashion--I offer him nearly all Wessex, Wales and -Scotland and the North--I taking the rest of the Kingdom, including -London and Winchester. His situation is by no means entirely enviable. -His brothers are certain to fight him in the North, and the King of -Norway may also give trouble. - -_Rouen_.--Received letter from the Pope entirely approving of invasion. -Sends me back banner, blessed. Received a letter from Harold also. Very -insulting. Answers vaguely and commits himself to nothing. Ignores the -past. Seems to forget I saved him from shipwreck and that he solemnly -swore to support my claims. Seems also to forget that I am the lawful -heir to the English throne. The crowning insult is that he addressed the -letter to Duke William the Bastard. - -Have ordered mobilisation to take place at once. The war is popular. -Matilda and I were loudly cheered when we drove through the market place -this afternoon. War will be a good occupation for the boys. Robert wants -to stop here as Regent. Do not think this wise. - -_Hastings_.--Very disagreeable crossing. Took medicine recommended by -Matilda (nettle leaves and milk and cinnamon), but did no good. Harold -apparently defeated his brother in the North. Expect to fight -to-morrow. Temper of the troops good. Terrain favourable, but cannot -help feeling anxious. - -_London_.--Everything sadly in need of thorough reorganisation. Have -resolved to carry out following initial reforms at once:-- - -1. Everybody to put out their lights by 8. Bell to ring for the purpose. -The people here sit up too late, drinking. Most dangerous. - -2. Enroll everybody in a book. Make it compulsory for the leeches to -attend the poor, and dock serfs of a part of their wage, in order to -create a fund for paying the leeches. (Think this rather neat.) - -Shall tolerate no nonsense from the women. Matilda agrees that their -complaints are ridiculous. - -News from Normandy disquieting. Robert seems to be taking too much upon -himself. Something must be done. - -Going next week to New Forest to hunt. Very fine wild pony hunting -there. - - - - -XIV - -FROM THE DIARY OF MARY, MRS JOHN MILTON (_née_ POWELL) - - -_Aldersgate Street, July_ 1, 1643.--House-keeping not quite such fun as -I thought it would be. John is very particular. He cannot eat mutton, or -any kind of hashed meat. He compares the cooking here unfavourably with -that of Italy. He says the boys in the school are very naughty and that, -during the Latin lesson this morning, one boy, called Jones minor, put a -pin on his chair, just before he sat down on it. I couldn't help -laughing; and this made John cross. He is thinking of writing a poem -about King Arthur (_sic_) and the burnt cakes. - -_July_ 6.--John has begun his poem. He makes it up during meals, which -makes him forget to eat, and makes the meal very gloomy; he writes it -down afterwards. He read me a long piece of it last night; but as it is -in Latin I did not understand very much of it. - -_July_ 7.--John and I quarrelled. It was about Jones minor. John -announced the news of a reported rebel success during the boys' Greek -lesson, and told the boys to give three cheers for the rebel army, -which, of course, they all did, as they would never dare to disobey, -except one brave _hero_, I call him, called Jones minor (the son of a -tinker, bless him!), who called out as loud as he could: "Long live King -Charles and death to all traitors!" John told him to repeat what he had -said, and he did, and John caned him. I think this was very wrong on -John's part, because, of course, the rebels _are_ traitors. I took the -part of the boy, and this made John angry. Then I said: "Of course, if -all loyalists are so wicked, why did you marry me? My father is loyal -and I am heart and soul for the King and the Church." John said that -women's politics didn't count; but that the young must be taught -discipline; that he was tolerant of all _sincere_ opinion, however much -he disagreed with it; but that the boy had merely wished to be insolent, -by flying in the face of public opinion and the will of the school, -which was the will of the _people_, and therefore the will of God, -merely to gain a cheap notoriety. I said that probably all the boys felt -the same, but didn't dare say so, as they knew that he, John, was on the -other side. John said there are only seven "malignants" in the school. -He said the boys were very angry with Jones minor and kicked him. I -said they were a set of cowards. John said did I mean he was a coward, -and quoted Greek. I said I didn't understand Greek and didn't want to. -"That comes from your false education," said John; "your parents deserve -the severest blame." I said that if he said anything against my parents, -I would leave the house, and that my father knew Latin as well as he -did. John said I was exaggerating. I said that I had often heard Papa -say that John's _Latin_ verses were poor. John said when his epick on -King Alfred and the Lady of the Lake would be published, we should see -who knew how to write Latin. I said: "Who?" John said I was flighty and -ignorant. I said I might be ignorant, but at least I wasn't a rebel. -John said I was too young to understand these things, and that, -considering my bringing up, I was right to hold the opinions I did. When -I was older I would see that they were false. Then I cried. - -_July_ 6.--We made up our quarrel. John was ashamed of himself, and very -dear, and said he regretted that he had used such vehement language. I -forgave him at once. - -_July_ 9.--We had some friends to dinner. Before we sat down, John said: -"We will not mention politicks, as we might not all agree and that would -mar the harmony of the symposium." But towards the end of dinner, I -drank the King's health, quite unwittingly and from force of habit, -forgetting-- - -This made John angry and led to a discussion, some of our guests taking -the King's part and others saying that he was quite wrong. The men -became very excited, and a young student, called Wyatt, whom John had -invited because he is very musical and cultivated, threw a glass of wine -in the face of Mr Lely, the wine-merchant, who is a violent rebel, and -this broke up the party. John said that all "malignants" were the same; -and that they none of them had any manners; that they were a set of -roystering, nose-slitting, dissolute debauchees. When I thought of my -dear father, and my dear brothers, this made me very angry; but I -thought it best to say nothing at the time, as John was already annoyed -and excited. - -_July_ 10.--John says he can't make up his mind whether to write his -epick poem in Latin or in Hebrew. I asked him whether he couldn't write -it in English. He told me not to be irrelevant. The city is very dreary. -John disapproves of places of public amusement. He is at the school all -day; and in the evening he is busy thinking over his poem. Being married -is not such fun as I thought it would be, and John is quite different -from what he was when he courted me in the country. Sometimes I don't -think he notices that I am there at all. I wish I were in the country. - -_July_ 11.--John was in good temper to-day, because a scholar came here -yesterday who said he wrote Italian very well. He asked me for my advice -about his epick poem--which I thought was the best subject for an epick, -King Arthur and the Cakes or the story of Adam and Eve. This made me -feel inclined to laugh very much. Fancy writing a poem on the story of -Adam and Eve! Everybody knows it! But I didn't laugh out loud, so as not -to hurt his feelings, and I said "Adam and Eve," because I felt, -somehow, that he wanted me to say that. He was so pleased, and said that -I had an extraordinarily good judgment, when I chose. We had some -cowslip wine for dinner which I brought from the country with me. John -drank my health in Latin, which was a great favour, as he never says -grace in Latin, because he says it's Popish. - -_July_ 14.--John is thinking of not writing an epick poem after all, at -least not yet, but a history of the world instead. He says it has never -been properly written yet. - -_July_ 15.--John has settled to translating the Bible into Latin verse. -I am afraid I annoyed him; because when he told me this, I said I had -always heard Papa say that the Bible was written in Latin. He said I -oughtn't to talk about things which I didn't understand. - -_July_ 28.--I am altogether put about. There are two Irish boys in the -school; one is called Kelley and comes from the North, and the other is -called O'Sullivan and comes from the South. They had a quarrel about -politicks and O'Sullivan called Kelley a rebel, a heretick, a traitor to -his country, a renegade, a coward and a bastard; and Kelley said that -O'Sullivan was an idolater and a foreigner, and ended up by saying he -hoped he would go and meet the Pope. - -"Do you mean to insult the Pope before me?" said O'Sullivan. - -"Yes," said Kelley, "to hell with your Pope." - -I could hear and see all this from my window, as the boys were talking -in the yard. - -Kelley then shouted, "To hell with the Pope!" as loud as he could three -times, and O'Sullivan turned quite white with rage, but he only laughed -and said quite slowly: - -"Your father turned traitor for money, just like Judas." Then the boys -flew at each other and began to fight; and at that moment John, who was -thinking over his epick poem in the dining-room, rushed out and stopped -them. Then he sent for both the boys and asked them what it was all -about, but they both refused to say a word. Then John sent for the whole -school, and said that unless some boy told him exactly what had -happened, he would stop all half-holidays for a month. So Pyke, a boy -who had been there, told the whole story. John caned both O'Sullivan and -Kelley for using strong language. - -In the evening Mr Pye came to dinner, from Oxford. He teaches the -Oxford boys physic or Greek philosophy; I forget which. But no sooner -had we sat down to dinner than he began to abuse the rebels, and John, -who was already cross, said that he did not suppose Mr Pye meant to -defend the King. Mr Pye said he had always supposed that that was a duty -every true-born Englishman took for granted; and John became very angry. -I never heard anybody use such dreadful language. He said the King was a -double-faced, lying monkey, full of Popish anticks, a wolf disguised as -a jackass, a son of Belial, a double-tongued, double-faced, clay-footed, -scarlet Ahithophel, and Mr Pye was so shocked that he got up and went -away. I said that people who insulted the King were rebels, however -clever they might be, and that it was dreadful to use such language; -and when I thought of his beating those two little boys this morning for -using not half such strong language it made me quite mad. John said that -I was illogical. I said I wouldn't hear any more bad language; and I ran -upstairs and locked myself in my room. - -_August_ 1, _Oxfordshire_.--I have come home. I couldn't bear it. John -was too unjust. Whenever I think of those two Irish boys and of John's -language at dinner, my blood boils. Went out riding this morning with -the boys. Papa says the war news is better, and that the rebels will -soon be brought to heel. - - - - -XV - -FROM THE DIARY OF MARK ANTONY - - -_Alexandria (undated)_.--The reception went off very well. The Queen -came to meet me by water in her State barge. She is different from what -I remember her long ago, when I caught a glimpse of her in Rome. Then -she was rather a colourless young girl, who had the reputation of being -very well read, and rather affected. But now ... when you look at her -face and you look away, you see green from the flash, as though you had -been staring at the sun. She dazzles and blinds you. I received her in -the market place. Her curtsey was a miracle of grace. She was very -civil and dignified. After I had received her in the market place, I -went to her palace. Such is the etiquette. I invited her to supper; but -she insisted on my being her guest. I accepted. Supper in her palace. -Semi-state, as the court is in mourning for Archilaus, the King of -Cappadocia's eldest son, the Queen's first cousin. The ladies in waiting -wore gold ornaments only. One of them, Charmian, pretty. The Queen, -dropping all formality, was very lively and excellent company. The -supper was good (the boars _well_ roasted) and not so stiff as those -kind of entertainments are as a rule. - -After supper we had music and some dancing. Egyptian Bacchanals, who did -a modern thing called _Ariadne in Naxos._ Very noisy and not much tune -in it; but the dancing good, although hardly up to the Scythian -standard. - -Mardian, who has a fine contralto voice (he has been admirably trained), -sang a piece from a ballet on the siege of Troy arranged by Æschylus. -Very good. I like those old-fashioned things much better. They say it's -conventional and out of date; but I don't care. The Queen told me in -confidence that she quite agreed with me, but that even classical music -bored her, so after we had listened to one or two odes, she asked -Mardian to sing something light, some songs in dialect, which he did. -Very funny, especially the one which begins: - - "As I was going to Brindisi, upon a summer's day." - -We made him sing that one twice. The Greeks know how to be witty without -even being in the least vulgar. - -_Alexandria, three weeks later_.--Time has passed very quickly. -Everybody is being so kind, and the Queen has taken immense pains to -make everything a success. Most amusing improvised banquet in fancy -dress last night. The Queen disguised as a fish-wife. She made me dress -up, too. I put on a Persian private soldier's uniform. After supper we -went into the town, in our disguises. Nobody recognised us, and we had -the greatest fun. I threw pieces of orange-peel on the pavement. It was -too comic to see the old men trip up over them. Then we went into a -tavern on the first floor, and ate oysters. The Queen heated some -coppers at the fire, and, after putting them on a plate with a pair of -pincers, threw them out of the window. It was quite extraordinarily -funny to see the beggars pick them up and then drop them with a howl! I -don't think I ever laughed so much! The Queen has a royal sense of -humour. And I who thought beforehand she was a blue-stocking! It shows -how mistaken one can be. - -_Alexandria_.--Time seems to fly. No news from Rome. Wish the Queen -would not be quite so ostentatiously lavish on my account. Eight wild -boars for breakfast is too much. And the other night at supper she -wasted an immense pearl in drinking my health in vinegar. This kind of -thing makes people talk. She is wonderfully witty. She can mimic exactly -the noises of a farmyard. Nothing seems to tire her, either. She will -sit up all night and be ready early the next morning to go out fishing, -sailing or anything else. She must have a constitution of steel. -Wonderful woman! - -_Alexandria, later_.--News from Rome. Fulvia is dead: must go at once. - -_Rome, a month later_.--Engaged to be married to Octavia, Cæsar's -sister, a widow. Purely a political alliance. Cleopatra is sure to -understand the necessity of this. It is a great comfort to think that -she is reasonable and has a real grip of the political situation. - -_Athens, a month later_.--Political situation grows more and more -complicated. Octavia is very dutiful and most anxious to please. Do not -think the climate here agreeable. The wind is very sharp and the nights -are bitterly cold. Never did care for Athens. - -Think that if I went to Egypt for a few days I could (_a_) benefit by -change of air, (_b_) arrange matters with the Eastern Kings. Cæsar and -Lepidus are trying to do me in the eye. - -_Athens, a day later_.--Octavia has very kindly offered to go to Rome, -so as to act as a go-between between myself and Cæsar. She says she is -quite certain it is all only a misunderstanding and that she can arrange -matters. Thought it best not to mention possibility of Egyptian trip, as -I may not go, after all. - -_Alexandria_.--Back here once more after all. Doctors all said change of -air was essential, and that the climate of Athens was the very worst -possible for me, just at this time. They said I should certainly have a -nervous breakdown if I stayed on much longer. Besides which, it was -absolutely necessary for me to be on the spot, to settle the Eastern -Question. It is now fortunately settled. Cleopatra delighted to see me; -but most reasonable. Quite understood everything. She did not say a word -about Octavia. Reception in Alexandria magnificent. Ovation terrific. -Shows how right I was to come back. Settled to proclaim Cleopatra Queen -of Egypt, Lower Syria, Cyprus and Lydia. Everybody agrees that this is -only fair. - -_Alexandria_.--Public proclamation in the market place. Settled to keep -Media, Parthia and Armenia in the family, so divided them among the -children. Ceremony went off splendidly. Cleopatra appeared as the -Goddess Isis. This was much appreciated, as it showed the people she -really is _national_. The cheering was terrific. - -Staying with us at present are the King of Libya, the King of -Cappadocia, the King of Paphlagonia, the King of Thrace, the King of -Arabia, the King of Pont, the King of Jewry, the King of Comagena, the -King of Mede, and the King of Lycaonia. Question of precedence a little -awkward. Herod, the King of Jewry, claimed precedence over all the other -Kings on the grounds of antiquity and lineage. The King of Mede -contested the claim, and the King of Arabia said that he was the oldest -in years. There is no doubt about this, as he is 99. It was obvious the -first place belonged to him. Question very neatly settled by Cleopatra. -That they should rank according to the number of years they have -reigned. She said this was the immemorial Egyptian custom, established -by the Pharaohs and written out very carefully on a step of the great -Pyramid. Everybody satisfied. King of Arabia takes precedence, but _not_ -on account of his age. Herod still a little touchy, but had to give in. - -Played billiards with Cleopatra. Gave her 20. Won with difficulty. Cæsar -is certain to make war on us. Have written to Octavia explaining -everything fully. - -_In Camp near Actium_.--Nothing doing. One wonders whether Cæsar means -to fight after all. The mosquitoes are very annoying. Impossible to get -any milk. - -_In Camp near Actium, later_.--Cleopatra has arrived. She is used to -camp life and does not mind roughing it. Everybody advises me to fight -on land and not by sea, but Cleopatra and myself think we ought to fight -by sea. Cæsar has taken Toryne. We have sixty sail. The thing is -obvious; but soldiers are always prejudiced. Enobarbus worrying me to -death to fight on land. - -Cleopatra won't hear of it, and I am quite certain she is right. A -woman's instinct in matters of strategy and tactics are infallible; and -then--what a woman! - -_Alexandria, later_.--Very glad to be home again. Cleopatra was -perfectly right to retreat. Played billiards. Gave Cleopatra 25. She -beat me. She will soon be able to give me something. She is a -surprising woman. Last night the Greek envoy dined. Too clever for me, -but Cleopatra floored him over Anaxagoras. Wonderful woman! She sang, or -rather hummed, in the evening a little Greek song, the burden of which -is - - Ἐγὼ δὲ μόνα καθεύδω. - -I cannot get the tune out of my head. - - - - -XVI - -FROM THE DIARY OF IVAN THE TERRIBLE - - -_Moscow, September_ 1, 1560.--I drove to the village of O----, 24 -versts. On one side of the river is the village, with its church, on the -other a lonely windmill. The landscape flat and brown, the nearer houses -and the distant trees sharp in the clear autumn air. The windmill is -maimed; it has lost one of its wings. It is like my soul. My soul is a -broken windmill which is rusty, stiff, and maimed; it groans and creaks -before the winds of God, but it no longer turns; and no longer, -cheerfully grumbling as of yore, it performs its daily task and grinds -the useful corn. The only spots of colour in the landscape were the -blue cupolas of the church; a blue and red shirt hanging up to dry on an -apple-tree near a wooden hut, and the kerchiefs of the women who were -washing linen in the river. A soldier talked to the women, and laughed -with them. I would that I could laugh like that with men and women. I -can only laugh alone and bitterly. I had never been there before. But -when lazily, a cock crew, and a little boy made music on a wooden pipe, -and a long cart laden with sacks creaked by, the driver walking by its -side, I knew that I had seen all this before, not something like unto -it, but this very thing, that same windmill, that same creaking cart, -that same little boy playing that very tune on that very pipe. - -It was a mournful tune, and it said to my soul, "Why art thou so dusty -and rusty, O my soul, why art thou sorrowful? Crusted with suspicion; -uneasy and fearful, prompt to wrath and slow to trust, inhospitable -towards hope, and a stranger to gladness?" - -The world is a peep-show, and I have satisfied my expectation. I am -weary of the sights of the fair, and the mirth of the crowd to me is -meaningless. The bells, and the tambourines, and the toy trumpets, the -grating of the strings, and the banging of the drum jar upon me. Like a -child, who has spent a whole day in frolic and whose little strength is -utterly exhausted, I desire to go home and to rest. - -Rest, where is there any rest for thee, Ivan, Ivan the Restless? -Everywhere have I sought for peace and found it nowhere, save in a cell, -and on my knees, before the Image. - -_September_ 10.--Why was I born to be a King? - -Why was I cast, a frail and fearful infant, to that herd of ravenous -wolves, those riotous nobles, that band of greedy, brutal, and ruthless -villains who bled my beloved country and tore my inheritance into -shreds? I think I know why I was sent thither. Out of the weakness came -forth strength; a little boy was sent forth to slay the giant. I was -sent to deliver the Russian people, to break the necks of the nobles, -and to cast the tyrants from their stronghold. I was sent to take the -part of the people, and they will never forget this or me; in years to -come, ages after I am dead, mothers will sing their children to sleep -with songs about the great Tsar of Moscow, Ivan the well-beloved, Ivan -the people's friend, Ivan the father of the fatherless, the brother of -the needy, the deliverer of the oppressed. - -But the proud and the mighty, the rich and the wicked, shall hate me and -vilify me, and blacken my name. I know you, ye vipers, and all your -ways. I would that not one of you could escape me; but, like the hydra, -you have a hundred heads, that grow again as fast as they are cut off. -When I am gone, O vile and poisonous nobility, you will raise your -insolent head once more, and trample again upon my beloved people. - -Would that I could utterly uproot you from the holy soil of Russia, and -cast you to perish like weeds into a bottomless pit. - -_October_ 1.--I dreamed last night a fearful dream. I dreamed that I had -done an abominable thing, and that I bore stains on my hands that the -snows of the mountains and the waves of the sea could not wash out. I -dreamed that all mankind shunned me, and that I wandered alone across -the great plain till I came to the end of the world and the gates of -Heaven. I knocked at the gates, but they were shut; and round me there -was a multitude, and there arose from it a sound of angry voices, -crying, "He has slain our fathers, and our brothers, and our mothers, by -him our houses were burnt and our homes were laid waste, let him not -enter"; and I knocked at the gate, and then there came a man with a mark -on his brow, and he said, "This man has killed his son, let him not in." -And I knew that man was Cain. And the howling of the voices grew louder, -and the cries of hate surging round me deafened me. I knocked, and -prayed, and cried, and wept, but the gate remained shut. And all at -once I was left alone in the great plain deserted even by my enemies, -and I shivered in the darkness and in the silence. Then, along the road, -came a pilgrim, a poor man, begging for alms, and when he saw me, he -knelt before me, and I said, "Wherefore dost thou kneel to me, who am -deserted by God and man?" And he answered, "Is not sorrow a holy thing? -Thou art the most sorrowful man in the whole world, for thou hast killed -what was dearer to thee than life, and bitter is thy sorrow, and heavy -is thy punishment." And the pilgrim kissed my hand, and the hot tears -that he shed fell upon it. - -And at that moment, far away I heard a noise as of gates turning on a -great hinge, and I knew that the doors of Heaven were open. - -Then I awoke, and I crept up the stairway way to my little son's -bedroom. He lay sleeping peacefully. And I knelt down and thanked Heaven -that the dream was but a dream; but when the sun rose in the morning, -like a wave from out of infinity, apprehension rolled to my soul and -settled on it. I am afraid, and I know not of what I am afraid. - -_February_ 13, 1570.--Thanks to God Novgorod is no more. I have utterly -destroyed its city and its people for its contumacy. So fare all the -enemies of Russia and of Moscow. - - - - -XVII - -FROM THE PRIVATE LOG OF CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS - - - On Board the _Santa Maria_. - -_August_ 3, 1492, _Friday_.--At five in the morning made the signal to -weigh: but in less than half an hour the wind shifting to the southward -and blowing fresh, I furled the topsails. The wind came in the afternoon -to S. by W.; we weighed, but did not get far, the flood tide making -against us. - -_August_ 4.--Little wind, or calm, all day. Send-off very fine; but now -that we have started wonder whether I have been wise after all. Wonder -whether we shall reach Western India and China. - -_August_ 5.--Took the meridian observation at midday; wind northerly -with a great swell. Ship's company in good spirits: but the doctor says -we have started on a wild goose chase. - -_August_ 8.--Stood close in with the land. At noon the latitude by -observation was 28 degrees 18 minutes. Stood in to a small bay to the -southward of Teneriffe. Anchored with the stream anchor, and sent the -boat for water. Went ashore with the astronomer and instruments. All the -liberty men came on board the worse for liquor, which is, on the whole, -fortunate, as we shall have no trouble in getting them to continue the -voyage. - -_August_ 9.--Several of the men confined with colds, and complain of -pains in their bones. But from the careful attendance given them, doses -of "Skulker's Mixture" being administered by the doctor all round, few -continued in the sick list. The air very warm. - -_September_ 9.--Thick fog. At five the officer informed me that we were -near an iceberg. I ordered the ship to be kept N. by W. and hauled -farther in. At noon I steered north, seeing nothing of the ice; soon -after I was told that they saw the ice: I went upon deck and perceived -something white upon the bow, and heard a noise like the booming of -surf. I hauled down the studding sails and hailed the _Niña_ and the -_Pinta:_ I desired that they would keep close to us, the fog being so -thick, and have everybody up ready to follow our motions -instantaneously, determining to stand under such sail as should enable -us to keep the ships under command, and not risk parting company. Soon -afterwards, we saw something on the bow, which from the appearance we -took to be islands, and thought we had not stood far enough out. The -ship's company raised a cheer. I hauled up immediately to the N.N.W., -and was soon undeceived, finding it to be a moderate-sized sea serpent, -which we could not clear upon that tack; we tacked immediately, but the -wind and sea both setting directly upon it, we neared it very fast, and -were within a little more than a cable's length of the animal whilst in -stays. - -The doctor, who has always scoffed at the idea of the sea serpent, -which, he said, was a travellers' tale (adding, sarcastically, and, I -think, very inconsiderately, "like the western passage to China"), was -silent all the evening. - -Prefer this to his irritating reiteration of that silly Andalusian song: - - And if we ever get back to Spain - We will never, never, never go to sea again, - -which he is so fond of indulging in. Sea serpent of the ordinary kind, -with a white ring round its neck and a tufted crest. Not so large as the -Icelandic specimens. Expect to reach China in ten days' time, should the -weather be favourable. Officers and ship's company in decidedly less -good spirits since the foggy weather began. Sea serpent incident also -caused a good deal of disappointment, the men being convinced we had -reached the coast of China, although I had repeatedly explained that we -could not possibly make that land for some time yet. - -_September_ 10.--Lost the _Niña_ and the _Pinta_ twice in the night from -the very thick fog. The situation of the men from the very fatiguing -work made most minute precautions necessary. Double allowance of -Manzanilla served round to-day. - -_September_ 11.--No land in sight. Calm all day, with a great swell from -the S.W., and the weather remarkably mild. Confess am disappointed; -wonder whether there is such a country as China after all. Confess I -have no satisfactory evidence for thinking so. But am concealing my -anxiety, of course, from the officers and the doctor, who grow more and -more sarcastic every day. He said at dinner yesterday that we might come -home by the Nile, as we should certainly encounter its source in China. -Want of taste. It is only too plain that both officers and ship's -company are growing sceptical as to the practical results of our voyage. -Wish the King and Queen of Spain had been a little less sanguine. We -shall indeed look very foolish if we come back having accomplished -nothing. - -_September_ 12.--Ship's company distressingly sulky. If matters -continue like this it will end in a mutiny. Have been obliged to fake -the observations, measuring the ship's way so that the ship's company -should remain in ignorance of the distances traversed, and think that -they are much less than they are in reality. - -This faking has been an easy task, since the log, being only a mean -taken every hour and consequently liable to error from the variations in -the force of the wind during the intervals, from which an arbitrary -correction is made by the officer of the watch; as this allowance must -from its nature be inaccurate, it is very easy to make it more -inaccurate still, now, that is to say, that I have squared Roderigo. - -_September_ 13.--Have made a startling and disagreeable discovery. There -is something wrong or odd about the compass. The axis of the needle no -longer coincides with the geographical meridian it occupies--but makes -an angle. This matter must be investigated. - -_September_ 17.--The ship's company discovered at dawn to-day the -vagaries of the compass. Situation alarming. They at once said we must -go home. Doctor and surgeon both say that they are not surprised. -Roderigo has constructed an instrument, hanging by a universal joint on -a triangular stand, adjusted so as to hang in a plane perpendicular to -the horizon, by means of a plumb line, which is suspended on a pin above -a divided circle. The length of the magnetic needle is 12 inches, and -its axis is made of gold and copper. - -Roderigo says he can now observe the variation. Most ingenious (if -true). - -_September_ 18.--Everybody expects to see land to-day. Why, I can't -think. Sailors sometimes have strange superstitions. - -_September_ 25.--We are now 475 leagues from the Canaries. No sign of -land. I am quite convinced personally that there is no chance of our -ever reaching land this voyage. I knew from the first the affair was -hopeless. Feel certain we cannot be near China or India. Unfortunately, -my conviction, which I have never expressed, is shared by the ship's -company, who showed signs of positive mutiny to-day. Calmed them as best -I could with soothing words and old sherry. Steered S. to W. - -_September_ 26.--Steered W. No sign of anything. Wish we had never left -Spain. The Alguazil disgracefully drunk again last night, and rude in -his cups. Doctor sarcastic. Surgeon sea-sick. Ship's company mutinous. -Have a bad headache. Never did like the sea. It never agreed with my -liver. - -_October_ 7.--I ordered the allowance of liquor to be altered, serving -the ship's company one-fourth of their allowance in Manzanilla and the -other three-fourths in brandy. One half of this allowance was served -before dinner, and the other half in the evening. Result satisfactory. - -Altered course W. to S.W. - -_October_ 10.--Mutiny. Ship's company refuse to go on. Insist on -returning to Spain. If I refuse they threaten to kill me; but I fear -they will kill me if I consent. Otherwise the matter would be simple. -Have asked for three days' respite. Roderigo saw a piece of driftwood -and a small bird called a red-poll. Thinks we are not far from land. Too -good to be true. - -_October_ 11.--Saw a light on starboard bow, but am not quite certain -that it wasn't a star. - -_October_ 12.--Roderigo saw the land at two in the morning. The King -promised a reward of 10,000 Maravedises to whoever saw land first. -Clearly this reward is mine, as the light I saw on Thursday night was -not a star. Explained this to Roderigo, who lost his temper, and said -that if he didn't get the reward he would turn Mahommedan. The land is, -of course, the coast of China. I always said it was somewhere about -here. - -Stood in to make the land. Anchored with the best bower in eleven -fathoms, soft clay. Hoisted Spanish flag; took possession of the -country, which seems to be India, and not China, after all. Call it West -India or Hispaniola. Natives talk in a drawling sing-song, chew tobacco -and gum, and drink Manzanilla and Vermouth mixed, icing the drink. This -is a very gratifying mixture. It is called a _Cola de gallo_. They have -a round game of cards with counters, called chips, in which you pretend -to hold better cards than you do hold in reality. Played and lost. -Natives very sharp. - - - - -XVIII - -FROM THE DIARY OF THE MAN IN THE IRON MASK - - -_Pignerol, August_ 21, 1669.--Have at last, I think, attained my heart's -desire. Arrived last night under the pseudonym of _Eustache Danger_. -Found everything fairly satisfactory. That is to say, the King's -promises to me with regard to the absolute solitude I crave have been -carried out as far as was possible in the time. The prison is not -finished, and this accounts for a fact which annoyed me not a little on -my arrival. I found that the walls of my room were not of the thickness -promised, so that, should any one be lodged next door to me, which -Heaven forfend! he might have the bad taste to try and communicate with -me by knocking on the wall. I wear a black velvet mask and the King -solemnly promised me that if any officer were to dare to ask me who I -was he would be instantly dismissed. - -_August_ 22, 1669.--So far so good. Saint Mars, the Governor of the -Prison, is certainly doing his best. But last night, when he brought me -my dinner, he forgot himself and said, "Bon Soir, Monsieur." If he does -this again he will have to be removed. I did not come here to be -bothered with conversation. - -_August_ 25.--I am enjoying myself immensely. The relief of waking up in -the morning and of gradually becoming conscious that it will not be -necessary-- - -(_a_) To dress in Court clothes. - -(_b_) To go out hunting. - -(_c_) To attend the King's _lever_, or still worse, his _coucher_. - -(_d_) To play cards and lose. - -(_e_) To listen to a play performed in a private house. - -(_f_) To laugh at Madame ----'s chaff. - -(_g_) To make love to J----. - -(_h_) To pretend to enjoy the beauties of nature. - -(_i_) To hear and give opinions on Molière. - -(_j_) To sit through the long, long dinner. - -(_k_) To talk philosophy with Mademoiselle. - -(_l_) To find fault with my servant for giving me the wrong stockings. - -(_m_) To wait for hours in the crown of the _Œil-de-Bœuf_. - -(_n_) To be taken to the window by the English Ambassador and asked if I -think the Spaniards really mean business. - -(_o_) To talk internal politics with Louvois. - -(_p_) To listen to Le Nôtre's account of Lord Carlisle's new garden. - -(_q_) To listen to Bossuet's sermon on Sunday. - -(_r_) Not to annoy the Duchesse de La Vallière. - -(_s_) To have to look as if I thought the King an amusing -conversationalist. - -(_t_) To say that a _Bal Masqué_ is great fun. - -(_u_) To go to the opera at the back of a box. - -(_v_) To pretend I like Dutch pictures. - -(_w_) To dance all night in a room like a monkey cage. - -(_x_) To read the Gazette. - -(_y_) To be civil to the German Ambassadress. - -(_z_) To change my clothes three times a day. - -That is my alphabet of negation. It is incomplete. Yet to write it and -read it over and over again fills me with ecstasy. - -_March_, 1670.--A most annoying incident happened to-day. The upper -tower, at the western angle of the Castle, is occupied by Fouquet and -Lauzun. The King promised me solemnly that neither of them should be -allowed to hold any communication with me. To-day one of Fouquet's -servants entered my room and spoke to me, asking me whether I had -anything of importance to communicate. I told him very sharply to go to -the devil. If this happens again I shall ask to be moved to a quieter -prison. - -It is extraordinary that even in a place like this one cannot be free -from the importunity and the impertinence of human curiosity. - -_April_ 3, 1670.--As the days go on, I enjoy myself more and more. A -cargo of books arrived yesterday from Paris, sent by the King, but -Saint Mars had the good sense not to bring them to me. He merely -notified the fact on a slip of paper, which he left on my plate. I -scribbled a note to the effect that he could throw them to the bottom of -the sea, or read them himself, or give them to Fouquet's servant. Books -indeed! It is no longer, thank God, necessary for me to read books, or -to have an opinion on them! - -_November_ 1, 1671.--Lauzun has been sent here. The prison is getting -far too crowded. It will soon be as bad as Versailles. - -_November_ 10.--Lauzun is being very tiresome. He taps on my ceiling. I -wrote a short note to Saint Mars that if this annoyance continued I -should be constrained to leave his prison. - -_March_ 3, 1680.--The situation was intolerable. Lauzun and Fouquet -found some means of communication and they carried on interminable -conversations. What they can have to talk about passes my understanding. -I bore it patiently for some days. At last I complained to Saint Mars in -writing, he took some steps and it appears that Fouquet has had an -attack of apoplexy and died. I cannot endure the neighbourhood of -Lauzun, and I have written to the King saying that unless I am -transferred to a quieter dungeon I shall leave the prison. - -_April_ 8, 1680.--Matters have been arranged satisfactorily, and I have -been moved into the lower chamber of the _Tour d'en bas_. But the whole -fortress is far too crowded. There are at least five prisoners in it. -Also I found a tame mouse here, left I suppose by a former occupant. Had -the nuisance removed at once. It is delicious to be safely in prison -just now that the spring is beginning and to think that I shall not -have to spend chilly evenings in wet gardens and to speak foolishly of -the damp April weather. - -_January_, 1681.--Caused much annoyance by a tiresome Italian fellow -prisoner called Mattioli, who, feigning either madness or illness, or -both, caused a commotion in the prison, necessitating the arrival of -doctors and priests. Kept awake by noise of bolts being drawn, and the -opening and shutting of doors. Wrote to the King complaining of this -which is a direct infringement of his promise. Asked to be moved to a -quieter spot. - -_September_ 2,1681.--Moved to the Fortress of Exiles. Prison said to be -empty. Hope this will prove true. - -_October_ 10,1681.--Saint Mars very nearly spoke to me to-day. He was -evidently bursting with something he longed to communicate. However, I -made such a gesture, that I think he felt the frown through my velvet -mask and withdrew. - -_January_ 5, 1687.--After months, and indeed years of peace, perfect -peace, with loved ones far away, I have again been subjected to -intolerable annoyance. Fouquet's valet fell ill, and _Saint Mars -informed me of the fact_. I wrote to the King at once saying that either -Saint Mars or I must go. - -_April_ 30, 1687.--King has granted my request. Arrived at Sainte -Marguerite in a chair with wheels covered with wax-cloth. I think I -shall be quieter here. I have been promised that no other prisoner shall -be lodged here at all, but the promises of Kings are as iridescent and -as brittle as Venetian glass. - -_January_, 1690.--Alas! Alas! for the vanity of human wishes. Here I was -perfectly contented, and, as I thought, quiet at last. Day followed day -of perfect enjoyment, unmarred by conversation, undisturbed by study, -unvexed by the elements, when the peace of my solitude is rudely -shattered by the arrival of two Protestant ministers. It is true I am -never to see them, but the mere fact of knowing that there are two -Protestant ministers in the same building is enough to poison life! - -_June_ 1, 1698.--More Protestant ministers have arrived, worse than the -last. They sing hymns. I have written to the King asking him to transfer -me to the Bastille at once. I always said that the Bastille was the only -tolerable dwelling-place in France. - -_September_ 13, 1698.--Arrived at the Bastille this afternoon. Lodged on -the third floor of the _Bertandière_ tower--the _thickest_ tower. Really -quiet. - -_September_ 19.--A man hammered over my head at four o'clock this -morning. It is intolerable. Shall I ever find a place where I can sleep -from 4 to 8 a.m. without being disturbed? As it is, I might just as well -be living in a fashionable inn. - - - - -XIX - -FROM THE DIARY OF AN ENGLISH GOVERNESS RESIDING IN PARIS - -DURING THE FRENCH REVOLUTION - - -_Paris, October_ 7, 1789.--I arrived this afternoon after a rapid and -satisfactory journey. To my amazement found that neither the Count nor -the Countess were here to receive me. The Hotel was deserted save for -the presence of an old servant, and his wife, who appears to be the cook -of the household, and to combine with this office the duties of hall -porter. As I have no command over even the elementary rudiments of the -French language, and as the French never trouble to learn any language -but their own, communication is a sorely difficult task and results in -perpetual misunderstanding. Nevertheless, I succeeded in apprehending -from the voluble expostulations and the superfluous gesticulation of the -old servant, whose name appears to be Pierre, but whom I have decided to -call Peter, that the family had left Paris. That they had departed but -recently and in haste, my senses were able to inform me. All over the -house were traces of disorder. Some but half-packed boxes had been left -behind; cupboards were open, clothes were strewn on the floor, and -everywhere traces of precipitate packing and sudden departure were -manifest. I made as if I would depart also, but Peter made it plain by -signs that I was expected to remain, and indeed he conducted me to my -room, which is airy and commodious enough, and where, after partaking of -a light supper, insufficient and badly cooked as all French meals, and -accompanied by the sour "wine" of the country, I fell into a comfortable -slumber. - -_October_ 10, 1789.--I have now been here three days, and as yet I have -received neither message, nor token, nor sign from the departed family, -nor can I ascertain from Peter or his wife, the obtuse menials who are -the sole occupants of this in some respects elegant mansion, whither -they have gone: whether they are loitering in their country seat, or -whether they have started on a longer peregrination. Paris is very full. -The streets are ill-kept and ill-lit, a strange contrast to the blaze -(at night) and tidiness (by day) of the London streets. It is a dingy -city, and I think it must certainly be insanitary. The French understand -no word of English, and if indeed one ventures to address them, all they -reply is: "Rosbeef, plom pudding," a form of address which they -consider facetious. The house is spacious enough, although -inconveniently distant from the centre of the city, but it has the -advantage of an extensive garden surrounded by high walls. As for -myself, I am well cared for by Peter and his wife. She talks at me with -great volubility, but I cannot understand a word of what she says. -French is an unmusical language, very sharp and nasal, but not -ill-suited to a backward people. - -_July_ 14, 1790.--Went for a long walk in the city. The streets quiet -and deserted. Peter and his wife went out for the day. She is very handy -with her needle. I find altogether that the French are quite amenable to -reason, if well treated. Of course, one cannot expect them to work like -English people, but they are willing and do their best. It is -unfortunate they do not speak English. Received last quarter's salary -through the usual channel. No further views. - -_March_ 4, 1792.--Went out in the evening with Peter and his wife. They -took me to the Opera House, having apparently received tickets from a -friend connected with theatrical affairs. _Castor and Pollux_ was the -name of the opera. The scenery was gorgeous, and the ballets very -skilfully performed. The opera was given in French, so that I could not -follow the words. Weather grey and dark. Boulevards as usual ill-lit; -but crowded with people coming from the coffee-houses, the theatres and -the out-of-door dining houses--all singing at the top of their voices. -Returned home between nine and ten. - -_March_ 6, 1792.--Again to the Opera House to hear the _Alcestis_ of -Gluck, and to see the celebrated Vestris dance in a ballet called -_Psyche_. Scenery as usual gorgeous, singing nasal and most unpleasing. - -_August_ 13, 1792.--Nothing worth recording. Spend most of the days in -the garden. Weather hot. French people vulgar and loud in their -holiday-making, partial also to fireworks, explosives, firing of guns, -etc. I now make a point of-staying at home on Feast days and holidays, -of which there are far too many. - -_Sunday, September_ 2, 1792.--Read the morning service in the garden. -Sultry. - -_January_ 21, 1793.--Shops shut this morning, although it is Monday. No -salary received for the last two quarters. - -_November_ 10, 1793.--Sunday. Started out to walk along the river in -spite of the damp weather. Streets very muddy. A great crowd of people -near the Cathedral. Caught in the crowd and obliged to follow with the -stream. Borne by the force of the crowd right into the church. Deeply -shocked and disgusted at the display of Romish superstition. A live -woman resembling a play actress throned near the altar, representing no -doubt the Virgin Mary. Most reprehensible. Was obliged to assist at the -mummery until the crowd departed. Think I have taken cold. - -_November_ 11, 1793.--Have indeed taken cold in consequence of -yesterday's outing. Remained indoors all day. Peter and his wife most -obliging. They made me some hot negus flavoured with black currant, not -unpalatable. - -_November_ 12,1793.--Cold worse. Suffering from ague in the bones as -well. Shall not get up to-morrow. Peter's wife spent much time in -talking and screaming at me. Gathered from her rapid and unintelligible -jargon that she wished me to see a doctor. Shook my head vehemently. -Shall certainly not put myself in the hands of a French doctor. One -never knows what foreigners may prescribe. - -_January_ 1, 1794.--Came downstairs for the first time since I have been -laid up. Made many good resolutions for the New Year. Among others to -keep my journal more diligently. - -_May_ 30, 1794.--Walked in the garden for the first time since my -relapse. Peter's wife has nursed me with much care and tenderness. Still -very weak. - -_July_ 30, 1794.--First walk in the city since my long illness. Feel -really better. Bought a lace kerchief. - -_October_ 1, 1794.--The family, that is to say, the Countess and her two -daughters, arrived unexpectedly in the night. Countess simple and -kindly, can scarcely speak any English. Begin lessons to-morrow. - -_October_ 2, 1794.--The eldest girl Amelia, aged seven, speaks English -but has been shamefully ill-taught during her stay in England (for it -appears the family have been in England!). She is sadly backward in -spelling: but she has a fair accent and is evidently an intelligent -child. Unfortunately, she has picked up many unseemly expressions. The -Countess suggested my learning French, but I respectfully declined. -Reading Pope's _Essay on Man_ in the evenings. It is improving as well -as elegant. - - - - -XX - -FROM THE DIARY OF HAMLET, PRINCE OF DENMARK, DURING - -HIS STAY AT ENGLAND, WHITHER HE WAS SENT TO STUDY AT - -THE UNIVERSITY AT OXFORD, UNDER THE SPECIAL CARE OF - -POLONIUS - - -_Balliol College, Monday_.--Read aloud my Essay on Equality to the -Master. It began: "Treat all men as your equals, especially the rich." -The Master commented on this sentence. He said, "Very ribald, Prince -Hamlet, very ribald." - -In training for the annual fencing match between the Universities of -Oxford and Cambridge. Doing my utmost to reduce my flesh which is far -too solid. - -_Tuesday_.--Went to Abingdon for the day. When I came back I found that -havoc had been made of my rooms: both the virginals broken to -pieces--all the furniture destroyed, and all my pictures including a -signed portrait of Ophelia. - -Have my suspicions as to who has done this. Shall first make certain and -then retaliate terribly. In the meantime it will be politic to conceal -my annoyance. - -_Friday_.--Dined last night with a society of Undergraduates who meet -together in a Barn to discuss Falconry and French verse. Rhenish wine -served in great quantities. Feigned drunkenness in order to discover who -was guilty of taking liberties with my furniture. As I suspected, -Rosencrantz and Guildenstern were the culprits. They as good as admitted -it in their cups. - -Intend to be revenged some day, and that royally. - -_Saturday_.--When we returned home from the barn last night, it was of -course necessary for me to keep up the false semblance of intoxication -with which I had started the evening. - -This I did by improvising and singing quaint rhymeless couplets as we -strutted across the Quadrangle of the College. It so chanced that we -encountered the Dean, who addressed me. I answered, keeping up the part: -"Buzz. Buzz." - -_Monday_.--A College meeting was held this morning and I was summoned to -appear on the charges:-- - -(_a_) Of having been intoxicated. - -(_b_) Of having insulted the Dean. - -(_c_) Of having persuaded and finally compelled the younger members of -the College to drink more than was good for them. - -To which I replied _(a)_ that seeing that I was in strict training it -was obvious that the charge of intoxication was unfounded; (_b_) that so -far from insulting the Dean, I had addressed him in Danish, and that -familiar as I knew him to be with all the languages of Europe and -especially the Scandinavian tongues, he had probably not realized to the -full the exact shade of deference, respect, and awe which the expression -I used implied; (_c_) that as far as the charge of corrupting the young -was concerned, I was not ashamed to stand in the same dock with -Socrates, and I would cheerfully, if the College authorities and my -Royal parents thought fit, share the doom of my august master. Finally -I reminded the noble and learned assembly that were I to be expelled, -even temporarily, from the College I should be unable (_a_) to represent -the _Alma Mater_ with the rapier against the University of Cambridge, -who had a powerful champion of the noble art in Laertes, a -fellow-countryman of mine; and (_b_) I should not be able to row in the -College boat. I concluded by saying that certain as I was that my royal -parents would endorse any decision which should be arrived at by the -Master and his Colleagues, I was convinced that were I to be sent down -from the College, my royal father, in order that my studies might not be -interrupted, would immediately send me to Cambridge. - -The net result of all this is that I am admonished. - -Later in the Day I received a note from the Dean asking me to dine with -him next Thursday. - -_Sunday_.--Breakfasted with the Master to meet the Poet Laureate, the -Archbishop of York, the Lord Chancellor, the French ambassador, and -Quattrovalli, a celebrated Italian juggler. The poet laureate read out -an Ode he had just composed on the King's sixth marriage. Very poor. - -_Monday_.--Took part in the debate held by the College Debating Society. -The subject being whether Homer's Epics were written by Homer or by a -Committee of Athenian Dons. - -Took what seemed to the audience a paradoxical view that they were -written by Homer. - -_Tuesday_.--Gave a small dinner party in my rooms. Horatio and a few -others. Again compelled to feign intoxication, so as not to mar the -harmony of the evening. Burnt a small organ, and rather a complicated -printing press, belonging to a German undergraduate named Faustus, in -the Quadrangle. - -_Wednesday_.--The master commenting on last night's bonfire said he -thought it was not humorous, and fined us heavily. Have as yet found no -opportunity of revenging myself on Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. - -_Thursday_.--Coached by Polonius for two hours in Scottish history. Very -tedious. In the afternoon went on the river in my boat the "Ophelia." -Faustus has been sent down for trying to raise the Devil in the -precincts of the College. It appears this is strictly against the rules. -His excuse was that he had always understood that the College -authorities disbelieved in a personal devil. To which the Dean replied: -"We are all bound to believe in the Devil in a _spiritual_ sense, Mr -Faustus." And Faustus imprudently asked in what other sense you could -believe in him. - -_Friday_.--Must really settle this business of Rosencrantz and -Guildenstern soon. It is beginning to prey upon my mind. They are quite -insufferable. Have lost one stone since the term began, which is -satisfactory. Fencing match is to take place next week, here. - -_Saturday_.--The man who has the rooms opposite mine is a Spaniard. A -nobleman very cultivated and amiable. His name is Quixote. Consulted him -last night as to what to do about Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. Quixote -said it was entirely a point of honour. That if I were certain they were -guilty, and certain likewise that they had purposely insulted me, I -should challenge them each, separately, to personal combat, with sword -and rapier. I pointed out, however, that whereas I was a champion -swordsman, and indeed had been chosen to represent the University, they -had no skill at all. Moreover, I considered that to challenge them to -fight would be doing them too much honour. Quixote said I must -indubitably, take action of some kind, or else I would incur the -suspicion of cowardice. At that moment--we were talking by the open -casement--I saw in the darkness, walking stealthily along the wall a man -whom I took to be Guildenstern. Seizing a bottle of white wine from -Xeres with which Quixote had entertained me, I flung it out of the -window on to the head of the skulker, but alas! it was not Guildenstern -but the Dean himself! - -_Monday_.--Again appeared before a College meeting. Accused of having -wantonly wounded, and almost murdered the Dean. Protested my innocence -in vain. It was further suggested I was intoxicated. Lost my temper, -which was a mistake, and called the Dean a villain, losing control over -my epithets. - -Sent down for the rest of the term. Polonius is very angry. He has -written to my father suggesting that I should not go back to Oxford, nor -seek to enter Cambridge either, but go to Wittenberg instead. Owing to -my abrupt departure the fencing match with Laertes will not come oft. No -matter, a day will come, when maybe I shall be revenged on Rosencrantz -and Guildenstern. 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