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diff --git a/42492-0.txt b/42492-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..369e2a0 --- /dev/null +++ b/42492-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,6216 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 42492 *** + + LADY EUREKA; + OR, + THE MYSTERY: + A PROPHECY OF THE FUTURE. + + BY THE AUTHOR + OF + "MEPHISTOPHELES IN ENGLAND." + + IN THREE VOLUMES. + VOL. II. + + LONDON: + LONGMAN, REES, ORME, BROWN, GREEN, & LONGMANS, + PATERNOSTER-ROW. + 1840. + + + + +CONTENTS + + + I. A CONVERSATION UPON THE PAST, THE PRESENT, AND THE FUTURE. + II. AUSTRALIAN CIVILISATION. + III. POSTHUMOUS AND HIS MUSEUM. + IV. A CONVERSAZIONE. + V. THE PHILANTHROPIST IN TROUBLE. + VI. CHINA, ITS LAWS, CUSTOMS, AND PEOPLE. + VII. A CHINESE POET. + VIII. THE MONSOON. + IX. GAME LAWS IN INDIA. + X. ILLUSTRATIONS OF THE DANGER OF GOOD INTENTIONS. + XI. ATHENIA. + + + + +EUREKA; + +A PROPHECY OF THE FUTURE. + + + + +CHAPTER I. + +A CONVERSATION UPON THE PAST, THE PRESENT, AND THE FUTURE. + + +"Now, doctor, you know my secret, and the whole of it," said Zabra, at +the conclusion of a long and interesting narrative he had communicated +to Dr. Tourniquet, upon one of his professional visits. "Let not a word +pass from your lips concerning what I have told you, for it would do me +irreparable mischief. Be in your behaviour to me exactly as you have +been. The slightest alteration would create suspicion, and that I am +most anxious to avoid. May I rely upon you?" + +"Rely upon me!" cried the surgeon, while his good-natured countenance +was glowing with benevolence. "If you ever catch me saying a word, I'll +allow any body to make a preparation of me before I'm dead. I'd sooner +demonstrate upon my own skeleton, don't you see, than betray your +secret. By all that's good, you're an extraordinary creature--a more +extraordinary creature than ever I met with in the whole course of my +practice. I always thought there was something strange about you, don't +you see--a mystery I could not exactly understand--but now every thing +appears as simple as the first rudiments of medicine." + +"You gratify me exceedingly by this assurance," observed the youth, "and +I am delighted by your ready acquiescence with my wishes. How can I best +express my gratitude?" + +"Tush, tush--don't talk about that," replied the other kindly. "Knowing +what I do of you, I would do any thing in the world to serve you, don't +you see. Consider me from this time as your father, your brother, or +your friend, and whenever my advice or assistance can be useful, apply +to me, and I will do all in my power to forward your interests." + +"You overpower me with your goodness," said his young companion, +returning the cordial pressure of the hand he had received. "Can I ever +repay----" + +"Tush, tush, never mind repaying," hastily rejoined the doctor. "I +am well repaid by the pleasure it gives me to assist in your noble +intentions, don't you see. But if I may be allowed to give you a little +advice, I should strongly recommend you not to be so careless of your +life as you have been. You are not formed for fighting, don't you see. +You are not strong enough; but notwithstanding that, to my certain +knowledge you paid off many of the piratical rascals pretty handsomely, +and showed them to what profit you could apply the lessons they had +given you. When I think of you finishing some of the scoundrels so +dexterously as you did, I am filled with wonder. However, it is not +right. You stand no chance in the midst of a set of strong ferocious +men intent upon destroying all who oppose them. Your escape is a +miracle; but you should remember that you cannot be spared." + +"Ah, doctor!" replied his patient, with a languid smile, "what made you +join in the conflict? Consider if _you_ had been killed, what would have +become of the wounded." + +"True, true," responded Tourniquet; "I never gave that a thought. But I +had no time to think. I saw every one preparing to fight, and I knew we +should all be massacred if we didn't succeed. Although it was a sort of +trade to which I was quite unused, the examples I saw before me made me +valiant, and when I got fairly into the fray, I found myself obliged to +cut away as hard as I could, don't you see. Fortyfolios, too, didn't do +amiss. It's wonderful how the prospect of being cut to pieces, if one +don't fight, _makes_ a fellow fight. The professor went at it as if +he was at one of his old arguments; and I must say this for him, he +convinced his opponents then much more perfectly than he does in his +verbal disputes." + +"He is not hurt, I hope?" inquired Zabra earnestly. + +"No, but he had a narrow escape," replied the doctor. "A ball grazed +his ear, and a cutlass has scratched his ribs. I should have been sorry +if either had taken the effect intended; for although he is somewhat +dogmatical and intemperate in his manner of arguing, he possesses no +ordinary share of learning, don't you see." + +"How are the rest of the wounded getting on?" asked his patient. + +"Famously," said the surgeon cheerfully; "I think they are all doing +well. I may add, as well as it is possible for them to do. Two or three +of them have been severely used; on one I shall be obliged to perform +an operation. Climberkin's wounds are beginning to heal; Ardent has +returned to his duty. Many have received but trifling hurts, and Hearty, +Boggle, and Master Porphyry have escaped without a scratch. This is +rather surprising, considering that the old man Hearty--Captain Hearty +we must call him now, I suppose--fine old fellow! hacked his way through +the pirates with a cool, steady, determined courage that nothing could +withstand; and as for Oriel Porphyry, he fought like a hero. I never saw +such a change in any man, don't you see. He looked as if he'd been born +a conqueror, and for the first time in his life had ventured into his +right element. There was such a fire in his eyes, and such a grandeur +in his appearance. It was extraordinary. His very looks seemed to kill; +none could resist him." + +"Is he not a noble creature?" said Zabra, his eyes again glowing with +all their accustomed animation. + +"Indeed he is," replied Dr. Tourniquet, with emphasis: "I don't wonder +at your enthusiasm, don't you see. I shall begin to look upon him with +a similar admiration myself. I never could have supposed that the mere +appearance of daring valour was so grand and imposing; but there is +something of the cause of this in his tall manly figure, and handsome +countenance, don't you see." + +"Hush! there is his footstep," exclaimed the youth earnestly, as he +arranged with his unwounded arm the bed-clothes closely around him. +"This place is too dark for him to see very accurately, which is what +I require. There! be feeling my pulse when he enters." + +"How is he now, doctor," inquired Oriel Porphyry, advancing towards +the hammock near which the surgeon stood, seemingly intent upon his +professional duties. + +"His pulse is getting more firm," said Dr. Tourniquet, assuming an +air of great seriousness, "and his wound is suppurating healthily. He +cannot be doing better. But you must apply to the patient for further +information, as I am obliged to go my rounds, don't you see." So saying, +the doctor departed. + +"Are you better, Zabra?" affectionately asked Master Porphyry, seating +himself by the hammock of his wounded friend. + +"Much better, Oriel," replied the youth, as he held out his hand to +clasp that of his patron. The merchant's son felt that the small hand +within his own was dry and hot, and that the flesh had lost much of the +roundness by which it had previously been distinguished. + +"Your skin feels feverish," remarked his companion. "But not so much so, +I think, as it was yesterday; and your eyes look more brilliant. I shall +be delighted when you recover, not only because I miss the rich melody +of your voice, and the stirring eloquence of your conversation, but +because I know the confinement and inaction consequent upon this +indisposition can scarcely be endurable to such a nature as yours. But +when you do recover, which I hope will be speedily, I will take care you +shall not again run into such risks. Who could have supposed that you +were planning such an admirable scheme! I had not the slightest idea of +such a thing. Far from it, I thought, and I blame myself exceedingly +for having entertained a suspicion to your prejudice, that you had some +sinister intention in your behaviour to the pirates. It is only an act +of justice on my part to acknowledge that I have thought unworthily of +you, without a cause; but I am too well aware that such an avowal forms +an inadequate reparation, you must therefore allow me to express my +regrets for the injury I have done you, in a manner more in accordance +with my own sense of right. I am indebted to you not only for life and +liberty, but for all that render them in my case more than usually +endurable; for this I can never be sufficiently grateful: and when my +father comes to know, as know he soon shall, how much you assisted in +rescuing his ship from the pirates, and his son from their weapons, I +am quite sure that he will rather seek to increase than diminish the +measure by which I would show the extent of the obligation you have +rendered. But, besides this, I have a natural affection for you, which +has been created by a knowledge of your amiable disposition and noble +character; and I should wish you always to be with me, that I might as +much as possible profit by the example of your good qualities; therefore +you must submit to the necessity of sharing my fortune, and of becoming +in every respect the equal of myself." + +"This cannot be, Oriel," said the other mildly. "Allow me still the +same opportunities I have enjoyed of watching over your safety; and if, +through my care and attention you are enabled to return unharmed to +Eureka, and your sentiments in my favour remain the same, and she +shows no disinclination to their indulgence, I will offer no further +opposition." + +"This is very strange of you," remarked Oriel Porphyry. "Very strange: I +cannot account for it, except I imagine that there is a sort of pride in +your nature that cannot accommodate itself to any thing in the shape of +favours from another." + +"It is not that," replied the youth languidly. "Indeed, it is not +that. Your kindness has made upon me so deep an impression, and your +friendship has become so intimately commingled with all my sympathies, +that now I should find it a difficult matter to exist without them. But +there are causes which I cannot explain, that prevent my accepting your +generous proposals, independently of which there is nothing in what I +have done that deserves such a return. Remember that my duty here is +to endeavour to preserve you from every danger by which you may be +threatened. I have accepted an office, and I am bound to fulfil its +duties. In the part I played to effect your escape out of the power +of those wretches, I only performed what I had engaged myself to do; +and although my efforts to deceive your captors were repugnant to my +feelings, I continued the deception because I saw that there was no way +of effecting your liberation, but by practising deceit. Again, I assure +you, that Eureka will amply reward me (if a reward be necessary) for any +service I may be so fortunate as to be able to render you." + +"But why am not I to be allowed to acknowledge the obligation according +to my own sense of your merit?" asked his patron. + +"Because it is Eureka's chief pleasure," replied Zabra, with a faltering +voice, "to reward after her own fashion those whom she employs to serve +him to whom she is devoted; and surely you would not wish to deprive +her of a gratification to the enjoyment of which she puts forth, as you +acknowledge, so good a title." + +"Well, well, I must reserve my gratitude for her then, I suppose," said +Oriel Porphyry. "But, of course, you will remain with me as you have +hitherto done." + +"Till there shall be no longer any occasion for my stay," responded +the other. "While you love Eureka, there will always appear to me to +be a necessity for my remaining with you; but when your love for her +disappears, there will be no longer occasion for my presence." + +"Love her I always shall, for I always must; so if your stay with me +depends upon the duration of my affection for her, we are not likely to +separate in this life," observed the young merchant. + +"I would I were certain of it," murmured his companion. + +"Of nothing ought you to be more assured," replied Oriel. "Were I +entirely to forget the dazzling beauty of her features, there is +an earnestness of purpose in her character which will make itself +remembered at all times. The nobility of her sentiments I honoured, by +endeavouring to become worthy of her greatness, and the confidence with +which I was treated excited in me a desire to act in such a manner as +should give her no cause to withdraw it. In her person there appeared +to me the avatar of all things noble, fond, and beautiful, and I did +it homage with so earnest a devotion that my respect soon became an +idolatry. I had no enjoyment except in her presence; I could find no +excellence from which she was absent. I honoured her above all honour. I +regarded her as the best as well as the dearest of human beings. I was +eloquent in her praise, and devout in her worship; and thus from day +to day passed the joyous time, teeming with happiness, and prodigal of +honours, till there seemed in the eyes of each to be no wealth and no +distinction worthy to be desired, which the other did not possess. Truly +was Eureka all the world to me. An empire was in her love, and all +honourable things were in her gift." + +Zabra had listened attentively, but nothing save a brighter glow in his +lustrous eyes expressed the interest he took in the conversation. He did +not attempt to interrupt the speaker, and when the last sentence was +concluded he made no reply. + +"Can you add nothing in her praise, Zabra?" asked Oriel Porphyry, after +a pause of a few minutes. + +"She requires no praise, Oriel, certainly none from me," replied the +youth. "Your applause is no doubt gratifying to her--for the heart +that truly loves cannot exist but in the estimation of the lover. But +there is an eulogy beyond mere praise, for which the devoted are ever +desirous--the strong and earnest love, whose voice is action, and whose +language is sympathy." + +"And that does she possess," rejoined his companion earnestly. "My +sympathies are with her at all times, and at every place, and there is +no act that I perform in which I do not consider the interpretation I +would have it bear in her affections. I am afraid, Zabra, this encounter +with the pirates has stirred up again all those ambitious notions I have +fostered with the design of achieving a renown worthy of her greatness. +Certainly my first efforts in traffic, among such mean scoundrels as +Boor and his brethren, did not give me so exalted an opinion of my +father's profession as he and others possess. But any opportunity like +the one which has thus accidentally fallen in my way will throw my blood +into a ferment, and make my spirit yearn after a fair field in which to +develope its energies, as they now exist. Yes, I feel as if I could only +live in a life of enterprise. Inaction seems to chain me down into a +slavish bondage; but when the weapon is in my grasp, and the motive +within my soul, an atmosphere of freedom breathes around me, and I rise +above the herd into something nearer the superiority to which I aspire." + +"From what I saw of you in our late affray, I cannot help acknowledging +your capability for a leader," said the youth. "You looked as if you +were born to conquer. Your bearing was such as would induce thousands to +follow in your footsteps--and your weapon flashed annihilation in your +path." + +"Pooh! it was a paltry enemy," replied Oriel disdainfully, "and they +were easily crushed; but let me be at the head of armies; let my +battle-field be a kingdom, and my enemy a tyrant, and then I will show +of what spirit I am made." + +"That cannot be, Oriel," added the other. "You must be satisfied with +what you are; and as that condition is sufficiently honourable in the +eyes of Eureka, you ought not to indulge in more ambitious aspirations. +The risk you run in this life of enterprise should also be considered. +Remember that you would hourly be in danger of immediate death, and if +that were to happen where would be your ambition, and where would be +Eureka's happiness? No! it is a subject of congratulation that there are +no armies for you to lead, and no tyrants for you to conquer." + +"There I think you are mistaken," cried his companion eagerly. "If I do +not misinterpret the signs of the times, there is a spirit stirring in +Columbia which will soon make itself evident in appearances that will +not a little alarm its weak and despotic ruler. There is a cloud over +the face of the whole country, and it will not be long before it break +out into a mighty storm. Then let them look to themselves. It will come +with a rush that must sweep away every obstacle before it. The whole +of our complicated machinery of misgovernment will be broken up into +fragments so small, that no future tyrant shall be able to patch it +together again--and then will come the day of reckoning for the people. +The task-masters will themselves be brought to task, and have to con the +lessons they have set others. I only wish to live to see that day. I +only wish to put myself forward in the movement--and lead the way that +shall give freedom to my fellow-citizens. I am confident of the result. +No power on earth can resist a mass of men struggling to break the bonds +by which they have been fettered, when the impetus by which they are set +in motion is properly directed; and for their chief I know, I feel I +have all the necessary qualifications. Then I should be in my proper +place. Then would the energies which now render my nature restless and +dissatisfied have ample scope for their developement--and then, Zabra, +my friend and brother, you should behold me performing such actions as +shall more worthily excite your admiration, than the inglorious one of +destroying a few wretched pirates." + +"You almost convince me of the desirableness of seeing your visions of +glory realised," remarked Zabra, with increased animation. "I did not +imagine it would be possible; but when I listen to you, I find myself +wishing you to play the noble part for which you are so well fitted: but +then the thought of the dangers to which you will be exposed fills me +with dread. I know that in you Eureka has concentrated all her hopes of +happiness; and when I reflect upon the perils of the sort of life you +are desirous of leading, I fear that it will end in no good to either +her or you. But we will talk of this again at a future time. In what +state have you found the ship and her cargo?" + +"The ship is as much changed as it is possible for any vessel to be," +replied the merchant's son. "I scarcely knew the Albatross again. +Externally she has not suffered, but her interior accommodations +have been completely altered. She has been pierced for thirty guns, +all of which are ready for immediate use--a powder magazine has been +formed out of one of the cabins, which is abundantly stored with +ammunition--weapons of every description are piled up in immense +chests--and provisions for a long voyage have been carefully provided. +The cargo has not been touched. It is evident to me, that that scoundrel +Compass, or Death, or whatever his name was, imagined that I would join +him in his nefarious scheme to entrap my father's vessels; and as he +knew he could not find so good a market for his plunder by any other +plan, he fancied that I could be induced to assist him in its disposal. +Propositions of this nature he made to me; and although every time he +spoke on the subject I felt an inclination to hack him into shreds, +seeing the uselessness of any attempt at resistance, I concealed my +indignation as well as I could, till you communicated to me your plan +for our deliverance. I saw that it could not fail of success, if +ordinary vigilance was used; and my hatred of the miscreants by whom I +was detained led me to play my part in the deception, which was attended +with all the result we anticipated. Your wound is the only drawback to +the delight I feel at our escape." + +"Oh, think not of that!" exclaimed the youth warmly: "it will soon be +healed." + +"I hope so," responded Oriel. "As for the captain of the gang, I am +only sorry that I had not an opportunity of acknowledging to him my +obligations. But I think I have spoiled his career of piracy, that is +one subject for congratulation. His retreat is destroyed--he has no +vessel--and one half of his men are as well provided for as if the +hangman had done his duty. But he was a bold villain. If what he has +said of himself be true, he was fitted for better things; and from +what I remarked in him, I conclude his narrative was true, at least a +considerable portion of it. It appeared to me as if he only affected the +vulgarity of his associates; for there were times when his conversation +rose into something much superior to his ordinary language. It is +evident that his intention was to put to sea almost immediately, and +commence a new career of plunder and violence--happily we have been +enabled to disappoint him; and I intend, at the first port we touch at, +to add to our crew a sufficient number of able-bodied seamen, as will +not only work the ship effectively during her voyage, but will defend +her with resolution in case she should be attacked. Although I have not +more inclination for a mercantile life than when I first came on board +this vessel, I will not, in any way, unless it be unavoidable, diverge +from the path my father wishes me to pursue, until I return, and then I +shall expect to be allowed to follow my own inclinations, and choose my +own road to distinction." + +"It must be so, I suppose," remarked Zabra. "Any opposition on my part +would be fruitless--nay, if it were not for the dangers which you must +encounter in a life of active warfare, I should be among the first to +approve of your ambitious desires--I should love to see you the creator +of your own glory--I should delight in the honours you would achieve--I +should rejoice in your renown--but I must think of her whom I serve, +who, although she would equally admire your greatness, could not avoid +thinking of the perils of the path by which only it can be acquired, and +must live in a state of constant anxiety while you were pursuing your +dangerous career. You do not think sufficiently of her feelings. Why +can you not be satisfied with inheriting the fame and wealth of your +admirable father, and the happiness which must surely be your own as +long as you prove yourself anxious for its possession?" + +"Why does the sun shine?--why does the tide ebb and flow?" said Oriel +hastily. "They follow the end for which they were made, and the same +absolute law compels me to make out the purposes for which I was +created. There is nothing so unreasonable as expecting one human being +to become like another whose nature is entirely opposite to his. I have +known inconsiderate persons say to one whose disposition is restless and +dissatisfied, and whose inclinations are violent and ungovernable, +'Look at such a one--he is content with his condition, and goes on his +own quiet way, creating no desire that cannot easily be indulged; why +cannot you be like him?'--as easily might the mountain torrent be made +like the stream of the valley. One flows on its own level course, +meeting with no obstruction, and the other, at every portion of its +path, is forced to dash itself against the unrelenting rocks that oppose +its progress. And how unjust is the manner in which each individual is +regarded! one is praised for continuing its unvarying tranquillity--and +the other is censured for the unceasing turmoil in which it exists. +This is preposterous. No more have such characters made their own +dispositions than the stream made the level land through which it flows, +or the torrent created the rocks over which it leaps. Dam up the gentle +rivulet with huge masses of stone, and see how quickly it will become as +much troubled as its unjustly abused associate of the mountain; and take +the rocks from the path of the torrent, and the quietude with which it +will pursue its course will rival the tranquillity of its over-lauded +brother of the valley. If there is any praise due at all it is to him +who struggles on against all impediments, and shows that his spirit is +not to be put down by the obstacles that retard his progress. Complain +of his being restless and dissatisfied--how can he be any thing else, +when his soul is kept in a constant fret by the worry of continual +opposition? Say that his inclinations are violent and ungovernable--can +it ever be otherwise, when they are daily accumulating in force, because +they are allowed no opportunity for indulgence? Nothing can be more +unjust to a man thus situated than to tell him to endeavour to be like +another, whose situation is as opposite to his as are the poles to one +another; and nothing can be more unwise than to complain of this man, +because his disposition does not resemble that of another, whose way of +life, and habits of thinking, and hopes and passions, are as different +to his as any two sets of things can possibly be made. As for me, I am +what I am--neither better nor worse. Let those who think me worse than +I am keep to themselves their evil thoughts, that the force of ill +opinion does not make me become what they unjustly imagine me to be; but +let those who think me better than I am proclaim to me their flattering +testimonials, that, knowing what excellences they fancy I possess, I +may use every exertion to deem myself worthy of their good opinion, +and at last succeed in obtaining the very qualities for which I was +undeservedly honoured by their too indulgent regard." + +"Ah, Oriel!" replied his young companion affectionately, "you know it +would be difficult for any one who knows you well to imagine a quality +of good you have not made your own." + +"If I listen to you, I must be content to remain what I am," said Oriel +Porphyry, as he rose to take his leave. "And as such a state of things +does not satisfy me, to prevent myself being spoiled for any better +purpose, I must, for the present, leave you--of course with my best +wishes for your speedy recovery." + +"Thank you, Oriel, thank you!" exclaimed Zabra warmly, returning the +affectionate pressure of the hand he at that moment received, and +following, with his eyes overflowing with his friendly feelings, the +retreating form of his kind and generous patron. + + + + +CHAP. II. + +AUSTRALIAN CIVILISATION. + + +Time had passed. The vessel had gone gallantly on her voyage, and was +now quietly riding at anchor in the port of Sydney, the magnificent +metropolis of the great empire of Australia. Oriel Porphyry had landed +to transact business with an individual of some note in that part of +the world. Posthumous was an extensive manufacturer, who had amassed an +immense fortune by a mechanical discovery he had purchased, by means of +which one machine was made to do the work of ten; and the funds at his +disposal he employed in forming a museum, which he intended leaving, +at his death, for the benefit of his country. His love of fame was +his ruling passion; and to acquire it he seemed inclined to make any +sacrifice. He accumulated every thing which he considered rare or +curious for his museum; but, as he was no judge of the value of +the collection he was forming, he often purchased things perfectly +worthless, merely because they were recommended to him as objects that +might be regarded with the greatest interest by posterity. To all who +visited him, his pride was to exhibit his collection; and, although none +were more ignorant of its real nature than himself, none could expatiate +so much at length upon its merits. He was a walking catalogue--a talking +index--a living table of contents; and he seemed as if he knew of no +pleasure that did not allow him to display his museum and gossip about +every specimen it contained. + +Oriel and Zabra were walking together to the residence of the person +thus described, when the former, doubtful as to whether he was pursuing +the right direction, observing a man leaning against a post near a +crossing at a short distance, went up to him for the purpose of making +inquiries as to the exact locality of the place of which he was in +search. The man was a street sweeper. His broom was beside him; and he +was so intent upon a book he appeared to be studying, that Oriel noticed +its title. It was "Geometry for Beggars." + +"Pray can you direct me to Botany Square?" inquired the young merchant. + +"Botany Square is an ellipsis," replied the matter-of-fact sweeper; "but +if the transverse, conjugate, and abscissa are known, it is easy to find +the ordinate. To proceed to it from this point requires a right line to +where the next street appears at a right angle with it, whence, going +along any part of its superficies, you will approach where the sides of +three streets form an isosceles triangle; take the one side nearest to +you in its whole extent, which having found, describe the area of a +trapezium, whose diagonal is equal to twice its perpendiculars; and from +the centre continue a right line till you approach a trapezoid whose +sides are parallel; and from this, diverging in such a manner as to +construct a hyperbola, if straight lines be drawn from the centre +through the extremities of its conjugate axis, these will lead direct +to the ellipsis you are desirous of finding." + +"Can you direct me to Botany Square?" again asked Oriel Porphyry, +puzzled to think whether the man was mad or did not understand his +question. + +"Botany Square is an ellipsis, I tell you again," said the geometrician +rather sharply; "and Euclid himself could not have described to you a +more accurate method of finding it than that you have just heard from +me. Work the problem properly, and the result must be what you require. +All the parts are equal to the whole; the greater includes the less; +and of several equal parts all are alike: and these propositions are +not more true than is the answer I have given to your query; therefore +allow me to hope that you will, in consideration of the accuracy of my +analysis, find the perpendicular of your pocket, subtract from its base +any circle whose circumference is a known quantity, and place it within +the superficies of my hand." + +"He's mad!" exclaimed Oriel, walking on. + +"He's minus!" cried the beggar, and returned to his geometry. + +The two pedestrians continued on their way, wondering not a little at +meeting with the strange character with whom they had just parted, when, +upon entering the next street, they observed a confused mass of people +running to and fro, shouting and making a most discordant uproar. + +"Can you tell me the cause of this disturbance?" inquired Oriel +Porphyry, addressing a respectable looking mechanic who was hurrying +past him. + +"The cause?" replied the stranger, immediately stopping in his career. +"The cause is always the phenomenon which precedes the effect. +Philosophers have disputed about the most appropriate definition of the +term; but in any system of transcendental ideas there must always be an +antecedency and a subsequency; and although they have been considered +synchronous in their existence, in my opinion the effect is to the cause +what the shadow is to the light--the shadow is not in the light, but is +produced by the operation of the light upon an object; so the effect +is not in the cause, but is produced by the action of the cause upon +an agent. Some metaphysicians conceive that the relation of cause and +effect should be considered as a synthetical judgment _à priori_--a +postulate of pure reason. In my opinion, this idea is open to many +objections; but I will avoid all argument on that point for the present, +and merely go into an analysis of the nature of causation. There are +three indispensable conditions to any philosophical theory of causation. +In the first place, there are two objects--the agent and the patient. +Secondly, there are three changes, which are--that of the agent, reason +of the effect; that of the patient, effect of the action; that which is +produced by the patient on the agent, and the effect of re-action. And, +thirdly, there are four distinct moments, which are--that which leads +to the action, that which commences with it, that of the re-action, and +that which immediately follows the re-action. And----" + +"And pray, sir, what has all this to do with the disturbance about +which I inquired?" said the young merchant, as much puzzled with the +mechanic as he was by the beggar. + +"You asked for the cause, and I am explaining to you all the phenomena +which a cause may produce," responded the other. "But I regret I cannot +stop to describe to you my original ideas on the subject. If you are +anxious to apply your mind to their investigation, you will find them +in the Philosophical Chimney-sweep's Penny Magazine; and if I can be +of service to you in any other way, you can always command me on the +shortest notice, and on the most reasonable terms." So saying, he placed +a card in Oriel's hand, and was very quickly out of sight. The card +was of a pink colour, was glazed and embossed; and on it was elegantly +engraved, "Leibnitz Kant Chummy, Chimney-sweep and Nightman to the Royal +Family, in all its branches." The two friends found quite as much wonder +as amusement in what they had heard. + +"I had been told that these Australians were the most enlightened people +on the earth," remarked Oriel; "but I certainly never expected to be +mystified after this fashion by two individuals belonging to the very +lowest ranks, upon merely asking a simple question." + +"Perhaps they are exceptions to the mass," replied Zabra; "and every one +else we meet we shall doubtless find as common-place as we require. Try +this old fish-woman: it will be extraordinary, indeed, if you meet with +either geometry or metaphysics in her." + +Oriel approached a female whose sex was scarcely distinguishable, as +she squatted by a basket of fish, in a man's old great coat and hat. +She observed a stranger advancing towards her; and, believing him to +be a customer, she held up one of her fish so as to put all its good +qualities into the best situation for minute inspection. + +"Fine and fresh--worthy to make a dinner for a prince!" she exclaimed. + +"My good woman, can you tell me the attraction which brings all these +people together?" asked Oriel Porphyry. + +In a moment the old hag put down her fish, and, with the seriousness of +a Socrates, replied, "There are three kinds of attraction; which are, +the mathematical, the mathematico-physical, and the physical attraction: +of which of these do you require a definition?" + +"Confound the people, they're all alike!" exclaimed the young merchant; +but the old dame, without noticing the exclamation, continued:-- + +"Suppose A to be a glass of any comfortable liquor with which you may +feel inclined to treat me, and B my mouth, which is at all times very +desirous of a coalition with the same. When A moves towards B, it is +evident that B has the power directly or indirectly of drawing or +attracting A; and when you notice this, and measure the law of the +motion, and discover that A moves as if attracted towards B by some +simple law, you will easily be enabled to ascertain what will take place +if the motion continue. This is mathematical attraction. When it becomes +evident that A not only moves towards B, but that B is an agent in +the motion created, as, to satisfy the thirst or inclination of B, +A is attracted towards it, A always moving where there is thirst +or inclination, but never where neither exist, then this is called +mathematico-physical attraction. And when, by a power existing in B, A +is drawn towards it without any other exciting cause; thus, if nothing +else in the world existed but A and B in a state of rest, and A move +towards B by some influence which is as much a part of its nature as its +thirst or inclination, then would be created what is called physical +attraction. And now, for a trifle, I will give you the most convincing +demonstration of the _modus operandi_ of all these phenomena." + +"Perdition seize your A and B, I say!" cried Oriel, as he hastily left +the old woman to her philosophy. + +"An exemplification of repulsion!" muttered she, as she again commenced +endeavouring to dispose of her fish. + +Oriel and his companion had entered a street of shops, in which they had +no sooner made their appearance than they were surrounded by a crowd +of tradespeople, bawling in their ears the excellence and cheapness of +their commodities, and endeavouring to pull or entice them into their +warehouses, the exteriors of which were covered with immense placards, +proclaiming the ruin of the sellers, and the advantages which in +consequence would accrue to the fortunate buyers. + +"Full fifty per cent. under cost price!" cried one. + +"A hundred per cent. below the cost, be assured!" shouted another. + +"I must be ruined in a week, sir!" proclaimed a third, as if rejoicing +at the near approach of his destruction. + +"I _am_ ruined!" screamed a fourth, in a tone of emphatic exultation. + +"My family must starve!" exclaimed a fifth, without the slightest +expression of regret. + +"My family _are_ starving!" confessed a sixth, as if it was a subject of +the greatest congratulation. + +"I have seven children, sir!" whispered a little man, apparently as the +most enticing recommendation of his goods. + +"I have a wife and ten!" bawled a companion, in a voice of triumph that +seemed to silence all competition. + +"This way, sir!" + +"No; this way!" + +"The best goods!" + +"The very best!" + +"Mine are the cheapest!" + +"Mine are much cheaper!" + +And thus they went on shouting at and pulling the two young men +about, till they were obliged to seek refuge in one of the shops; +but immediately they entered the threshold, the whole body of eager +applicants for custom left the strangers to the care of their more +fortunate fellow-tradesman. + +"Really you shopkeepers seem inclined to tear your customers to pieces," +observed Oriel Porphyry with considerable indignation. + +"Merely the effect of competition, sir," coolly replied the chapman, +spreading out his wares for inspection. + +"Then it is a competition that must be exceedingly disagreeable to the +purchaser," said the young merchant. + +"Can't be helped, sir," added the man in the same careless tone. "When +the supply exceeds the demand, the value of this overproduction must +greatly diminish; and every attempt will be made to produce, at any +loss, an increased consumption. How many pairs of these gloves would you +like to have, sir? You shall have them at a small advance beyond the +cost of their carriage from the place in which they were manufactured." + +"But I have no cash about me," acknowledged Oriel, thinking it would be +sufficient to avoid a purchase that was not necessary. + +"Not of the slightest consequence, sir. I will gladly give you credit to +any amount," said the obliging tradesman. + +"Indeed! why I am a perfect stranger in the country," observed his +unwilling customer with much surprise. + +"No matter, sir," added the other; "public credit must be supported; +all business transactions are done upon its responsibility. Ready money +is destructive of all the true interests of trade; for, as capital in +a state overcrowded in population can never be created in a supply +sufficient for the wants of the community, the surest way of preventing +those dangerous revolutions which so often affect the monied interests +of a great commercial nation is to trade entirely with fictitious +capital. This is credit, sir; and we use every means within our power +to create it to an extent sufficient to supply all our wants, and +to support it in all its sufficiency when it is established. The +manufacturer supplies the wholesale dealer; the wholesale dealer +provides the retail tradesman; and the retail tradesman carries on his +business with his customers upon the sure foundation of credit. Not a +coin is seen in the hands of either party from one year's end to the +other; and a man's wealth is known not by the mere exchangeable property +he possesses, but by the extent of the credit he is allowed. Political +economy is a wonderful science, sir; and the ancients were entirely +ignorant of its true principles. Shall I put you up a few dozen of +these stockings? the price, I assure you, does not pay for the raw +material." + +"Well, well; as you seem desirous of ruining yourself, I do not see that +I ought to stand in your way; so you may let me have a dozen pairs of +the stockings and of the gloves," said Master Porphyry. + +"Thank you, sir," replied the tradesman. "But as for ruin, sir, is it +not done for the public good? Think what a man having a wife and ten +children to support must feel when he knows that he has reduced them and +himself to absolute starvation for the advantage of the community--for +the greatest happiness of the greatest number, sir. Beautiful feeling, +sir; exquisite consolation; a perfect patriotism! He knows that he +becomes a martyr for his country. Think of that, sir! He is conscious of +being made a victim for the general advantage. Think of that, sir! And +while his skin and bones hang together, he feels the sweet solace that +he is allowed to make himself a sacrifice for the wants of those who +never heard of his name. Think of that, sir! Any other article, sir?" + +"Not at present. It is wonderful to me how, in such a state of things, +men can be brought to enter into the pursuits of trade," observed his +customer. + +"All the effect of competition, sir," answered the man quietly. "Fine +thing competition. We should none of us enjoy the satisfaction of being +ruined, if it was not for competition; and the beautiful principle of it +is, sir, that it makes a man consider that he is greatest honoured who +is soonest ruined; therefore we all run a race--and a very anxious race +it is, I assure you. We undersell each other--we dispose of our goods +at a certain loss--we even give them away--and happy is the man who is +ruined before his rivals. Admirable thing, competition! Where shall I +send them, sir?" + +"Send them to Master Porphyry, on board the ship Albatross, now in the +harbour, and I will call and pay you before I depart," replied the young +merchant. + +"Don't hurry yourself, sir," said the tradesman. "Don't hurry yourself, +I entreat. Nay, I should be just as well pleased were you to forget it +altogether, for then I shall be a step nearer to the honour I so much +covet--the distinction of being ruined before any other person in the +same line of business in my immediate neighbourhood. I am grateful +to you for your favours. Any thing you may require, sir--the most +extensive order you can give me I shall be happy to supply on the same +advantageous terms. Any thing you like to accept, sir, is at your +disposal. I implore you to have the generosity to assist in my ruin." + +Zabra and his companion, at last, with great difficulty, got out of the +shop, and proceeded, unmolested, on their way, till they came to an +opening in the street, where several men seemed to be preaching from +little elevations, each to his own separate congregation, yet frequently +alluding to their coadjutors, in such terms as clearly proved that they +were rivals in the trade they had adopted. + +"Come, my children, to me, and I will expound to you the law by which +alone you can be saved from everlasting punishment," exclaimed a fat +faced little old man to his audience. "Fly from the things of this +world--pay your teachers liberally--care not for eating or drinking, or +amusing yourselves with idle pleasures, and you shall live in eternal +happiness!" + +"Fire and brimstone! Flame and torment! Prepare for these, my beloved +brethren!" shouted a lank fellow with a most hypocritical physiognomy. +"Ye who are the elect shall enjoy the good things, but scorching and +burning shall be the everlasting portion of those who are not of our +communion." + +"Heed not the voices of ungodly men, to whom the evangelical grace has +not descended," cried a stern-visaged preacher. "Our way is a way of +mercy, a way of charity, and a way of peace. But rejoice, oh my hearers! +for the time is not afar off when we will smite the unbelievers from +shoulder to hip, till their name be utterly removed from the land." + +"Hear a voice which none can understand, but which is sent to +enlighten the universe," screamed one, whose brilliant eyes and +wild expression of countenance seemed marked by the influence of +insanity--"Hu--ugh--hullabaloo--scrikey-smash--drido--snolk--hi ha +botherum--pickwickicksicceriggidiggy----" + +"I tell thee, friend, thy way is the way of perdition, humph," exclaimed +another, with a nasal twang, and a clean sleek appearance. "Verily it is +the way of the bottomless pit. There is no virtue save under a beaver +with a broad brim, humph! and the spirit can only be found in vestments +of a formal cut, and of a drab colour, humph!" + +"Leave those heretics, my children, who can only hurry you on the road +of iniquity, and enter the bosom of the true church," shouted a brawny +fellow in the dress of a mendicant. "Here is holy water, and here are +relics that have the power of saving your souls from purgatory." + +"Abominations--abominations--the abominations of the scarlet one +of Babylon!" cried one opposite to him with looks of horror and +indignation. "Leave them, and I will sprinkle water upon you, which +will render you a sheep of our fold." + +"Sprinkling is of no avail!" shrieked a melancholy fanatic. "Come +and be dipped--come and be dipped into the waters of everlasting +righteousness." + +"Oh, Fader Aprahams!--Fader Aprahams!" said a dark visaged old man with +a long beard, as he smote his breast, and turned up his eyes to heaven. +"How long shall these obstacles remain in the way of thy chosen!" + +"Down with the Jew!" bawled the rest in hideous chorus--"Down with the +unrelenting Jew! Our religion is one of universal love. Cut the Jew into +a thousand pieces, and cast him to the dogs!" + +"Let us leave these miserable brawlers," exclaimed Oriel, hurrying +his companion from the spot. "Truly has my father said that the only +religion is philanthropy, and the only worship of God consists in doing +good to man. Nothing annoys me so much as observing a parcel of noisy +fellows sowing dissension around them on the hypocritical pretence of +teaching the surest means of saving sinners from perdition. Disputes +about religion, entered into by persons professing different forms of +faith, may be compared to the wranglings of a party of men concerning +the excellence of different roads in a country of the geography of which +all are ignorant." + +"You should not judge of the whole class of teachers by such examples as +we have just passed," remarked Zabra. "That the general influence of the +clerical profession is beneficial has been denied by some narrow-minded +men, who, because there have been a few instances of unworthiness +obtaining distinction in the church, and of vicious propensities +disgracing a professed teacher of virtue, denounce the institution that +created them as unlikely to produce any real good to the community. But +who condemns a fruitful tree, because, while it bears a profitable crop, +a handful of blighted fruit may occasionally be found on its branches? +The clergy are but a section of the vast mass of the social fabric; and +it is as absurd for any one with a knowledge of human nature, to +expect that every individual member of its body should be led into the +profession by no other motive than the love of virtue, as to imagine +that every soldier should be brave and join the ranks only from a desire +for glory--or, that every lawyer should be honest, and embrace the law +exclusively to advocate the principles of justice. It is, certainly, +a natural expectation, that all who affect to show others the road +to heaven should travel that way themselves, and to satisfy this +expectation is the grand object of the institution of priesthood; but it +is as rare that the allurements of the world can be prevented producing +vicious effects upon those who are obliged to mingle in them, as it is +difficult to guard against the encroachments of a disease by those who +are forced to inhale an infectious atmosphere. The wonder should be, not +that any fall, but that so many escape. When we come to consider the +immense contributions to the general stock of intelligence afforded by +the clergy, which embrace every branch of human learning and scientific +acquirement--the active benevolence of at least a large majority--their +unceasing endeavours to instil into the hearts of the people the +refreshing influence of a pure system of morals--and the effect of their +individual respectability in commanding attention to the great object +for which they labour--illiberal indeed must he be who denies the +utility of an establishment productive of so much good. To despise a +sporting parson, a political priest, or a fashionable divine, is both +right and natural, and they must receive condemnation from all who know +how to appreciate the actions of a servant who serves any master but +his own; but while an acknowledgment must be regretfully made of the +existence of such hypocritical pretenders in the ranks of the church, +when we reflect upon the vast fund of real piety, of pure philanthropy, +and of sound learning it possesses, the influence of which cannot be +otherwise than beneficial in the highest degree, we should rejoice that +there is a class of men in existence that provides so liberally for the +moral wants of the people, which, both by the precept and example of +its worthiest members, affords such admirable means for counteracting +the evil effects likely to be produced by its inefficient or immoral +brethren. That the clergy produce good, it is impossible to deny; and +that they do not produce so much good as is desirable, arises more from +inaptitude in the community to be taught, than from want of ability in +the clergy to instruct." + +"You deserve a rich benefice for your defence, Zabra," said Oriel +Porphyry, with a smile; "and I have no doubt if those sentiments +continue, and you embrace the profession, you will become one of the +highest dignitaries of the church. But what is this fellow talking about +so earnestly? More wonders, I suppose." + +He was a man ill-clad and ill-looking, who carried a bundle of papers in +his hand, which he was trying to sell to the persons who were listening +attentively to some intelligence he was bawling in the street with all +the strength of his lungs. + +"Extraordinary example of combustion!" shouted the fellow. "All the +materials of matter which made up the bodies of Cutandrun, the famous +inventor of infallible fire-escapes, and his family, have been placed in +a state of decomposition by the action of phlogiston upon his house and +stock. Here is a philosophical account, detailing the causes and effects +of the phenomena--giving a scientific analysis of the ashes found in +different situations--with an entirely new theory of the laws which +render combustion so destructive in its agency upon inflammable matter. +Only one penny." + +"Well, that is certainly one way of describing a fire," observed Oriel +Porphyry. "But chemistry, I suppose, is as well understood here as other +branches of science appear to be. However, we must be proceeding, or we +shall never arrive at our destination. As I am very doubtful about the +right direction, I think we had better avail ourselves of one of these +vehicles." + +The director of a small light carriage for two persons was then hailed; +and the two friends were about to enter it, when several boys, carrying +bundles of papers, ran up to them, and commenced vociferating with loud +voices entreaties to purchase their goods. + +"Buy the Sydney Philosophical and Critical Quarterly Review. Only one +penny," cried one little urchin. + +"Here's the Universal Encyclopædia of Useful Knowledge, only one +halfpenny," exclaimed a second. + +"Neither are to be compared to these treatises by the Society for the +Diffusion of Science among the Insane, sir,--only one farthing!" bawled +a third. + +"Away with you!" shouted Oriel Porphyry, as he sprang into the carriage, +followed by his companion. + +"At what velocity shall I apply the power?" inquired the conductor very +civilly. + +"Oh, moderate; and put me down at the house of Posthumous, in Botany +Square," said his customer. + +"Yes, sir," replied the man. + +"Here's an article on the ponderability of imponderable substances; +worth double the money for the whole review," cried one of the little +booksellers. + +"Here's a treatise on----" but what it was on must remain unknown; for +both Zabra and his patron were far out of sight and hearing of their +tormentors before the last sentence was concluded; and, in a few +minutes, they found themselves opposite a stately mansion, which they +stopped some time to examine. It seemed an edifice of more modern date +than any near it on either side. A flight of broad steps led, under a +small portico supported by pillars which in thickness seemed to rival +their length, to an entrance by folding doors large enough to admit a +regiment of soldiers, over which was placed three draperied figures in +marble, sculptured as large as life, blowing trumpets towards three +points of the compass, and dropping each a wreath upon the bust of a man +with a foolish countenance, upon the base of which, in large letters, +was conspicuously placed the name "POSTHUMOUS." Small windows were on +each side, and above the door. Over the portico was placed a row of +caryatidæ, resembling opera dancers making a pirouette, that supported +an entablature, upon which a cumbrous attic was raised, forming an +elevation as heavy and incongruous as it is possible to conceive. + + + + +CHAP. III. + +POSTHUMOUS AND HIS MUSEUM. + + +With considerable parade Oriel Porphyry and his companion were ushered +through long passages containing a variety of monstrous antiquities, +into a small room filled with books and curiosities, where, at a +curiously shaped table covered with a number of strange things, sat the +original of the bust over the door--a man much beyond the middle age, +with a short body, long legs and arms, broad shoulders, a clumsy head, +and a foolish face. He was dressed in a tawdry morning gown, and was +examining some articles of rarity brought him by several dealers, who +were waiting till he had made his purchases. + +"You tell me that this is a very rare copy," said Posthumous, appearing +to regard with much attention a large book he held in his hand. + +"The only copy in existence, sir, I assure you," replied the bookseller. +"It fetched thirty guineas at the sale of Bookworm's library." + +"And you are quite convinced that it is the stupidest book that ever was +published?" inquired the collector. + +"I have abundant testimonials to prove it, sir," rejoined the other. +"The fact is, that the work, when published, which was as much as a +thousand years ago, was so generally attacked by the reviewers for the +incomprehensible nonsense with which it was filled, that the author, in +a fit of shame, tried to buy up all the copies; and in this design he +succeeded, with the exception of the one you have, which had fortunately +fallen into the hands of a person celebrated for collecting works of a +similar nature. All the rest were destroyed." + +"And how much do you want for it?" asked the buyer. + +"As you are a particular customer, and as I am very desirous that it +should enrich the Posthumous Library, for which it is admirably adapted, +I shall only ask you twenty pounds," said the seller. + +"'Tis mine--and there's the money!" exclaimed the former, as if +delighted with his purchase. "And you are quite sure it is decidedly +the stupidest book in existence?" he added. + +"I am positive," replied the other. + +"Inestimable treasure!" cried the collector, clasping the volume in an +ecstasy. "Now has the Posthumous Library a jewel which the whole world +could not rival. Have you anything else?" + +"Here is an unique copy of a very rare work, called 'The Philosophy of +Flea-catching,' in sheets, clean and uncut. The learned Scribble-gossip +says that this volume has now become so scarce that there is only one +other copy extant, which is in the public library in India. This, +however, has one important advantage over the other, which renders it +of incalculably more value; for, if you notice, it has the Finis at the +end printed backwards." + +"Wonderful!" muttered his patron, as he noticed the extraordinary +feature. "And what shall I pay you for it?" + +"Only ten guineas, sir." + +"There they are; and much reason will posterity have to congratulate +itself that I am the fortunate possessor of 'The Philosophy of +Flea-catching,' with the Finis printed backwards." + +"Exactly so, sir, exactly. Your observations are always full of meaning. +I wish you good morning." + +"Good morning, Catalogue, good morning--and mind you show me everything +rare that comes into your possession," cried Posthumous. + +"Depend upon it, sir, you shall always have the first refusal," replied +Catalogue; and he took his departure. + +"And what have you brought me wrapt up in that green baize, Marble?" +inquired the wealthy manufacturer, of a little shrivelled old man, who +had been waiting for an opportunity to exhibit the article he had for +sale. + +"An antique--a real antique, sir!" said the little fellow, hastily +taking off the covering. "The bust of a beautiful lady of rank, from the +the chisel of the immortal Chantrey." + +"Why she hasn't any nose!" exclaimed the virtuoso in a tone of +disappointment. "Her face is battered to pieces, and she has lost half +her shoulder." + +"All the more valuable for that, sir," replied the man very coolly. "It +shows its antiquity. I could have brought you many things more handsome +to look upon, but so rare a piece of sculpture I have never yet had in +my possession. Look how exquisitely that neck is formed! Charming, sir. +Though not a feature is visible, the bust breathes an air of grace which +it is impossible to look on without admiring. Sawdust, the great timber +merchant, offered me fifty guineas for it to adorn his gallery, but +I remembered that my generous and enlightened patron Posthumous was +forming a museum, and, knowing that this was the very thing he +required, refused the offer." + +"Very good of you, Marble. I detest that Sawdust; he has no taste," +remarked the collector. "But are you sure this is an antique?" + +"Am I sure of my existence, sir?" replied the little man, looking as +dignified as he could. "My judgment in these matters is infallible. But +as you do not seem to appreciate the merit of this beautiful example of +art, I shall take it to Sawdust." + +"Not for the world, Marble!" exclaimed Posthumous, producing the money. +"Here's the price; but, I must say, I should have liked it all the +better if it had possessed something like a human countenance." + +"Take my word for it, sir, that is not of the slightest consequence," +said the man, as he pocketed the money. "The spirit of a great artist is +upon it, and that is all that a connoisseur should look to." + +"And what have you there?" inquired the purchaser, perceiving that the +dealer was uncovering another specimen. + +"A picture, sir--and _such_ a picture!" responded the man emphatically, +as he proceeded to place a small old oil painting in what he considered +the most advantageous light. "A _chef d'oeuvre_, sir; a work of one of +the old masters. An undoubted original. Don't you feel a sort of emotion +overpower you as you stand before it?" + +"Why, I do feel rather queer; but I thought it was indigestion," replied +the connoisseur, closely examining the picture. + +"Psha!" exclaimed the little man rather contemptuously. "You ought to +feel the all-pervading influence of superior genius. You are looking +upon a master-piece. Do you remark the harmony with which the colours +are blended in that wonderful production, the poetical treatment of the +subject, and the sweet repose that pervades the picture?" + +"To tell you the truth," said the patron, looking a little puzzled, "I +have been examining it very closely, and I can see nothing at all." + +"The effect of the great age of the picture, sir," responded the +dealer. "The influence of time has destroyed every vestige of colour +on the canvass; and it is impossible to make out a single feature in +the painting. But be assured, sir, it is a wonderful production--an +invaluable work of art. Emperors would be glad of such an addition to +their collections; and artists would travel over half the world to gaze +upon an example so unique. I have had many handsome offers for it, sir. +Sawdust bid very high. He knew its value, sir. But I resolved that it +should enrich the invaluable Posthumous collection of paintings; and I +therefore offer it to you at the low price of two hundred guineas." + +"Humph! I'm obliged to you, Marble," remarked the manufacturer, still +poking his foolish face as close to the canvass as he could, and +apparently hesitating about making the purchase. "That fellow Sawdust +has no soul for these things. But what is it about, Marble? I should +like to know the subject. Tell me what it is about, Marble." + +"Why, sir, it is about--as far as I and all the best judges can +ascertain--it is about the most ancient painting in the world," replied +the dealer. + +"A very fine subject," said the connoisseur; "and now I do begin to +perceive a sort of a what's-a-name. But do you think posterity would +applaud my giving such a price for such a painting with such a subject?" + +"They could not do otherwise than greatly applaud your fine +discrimination and admirable liberality," responded the little man +with all the enthusiasm of a picture-dealer. + +"Then I must have it," remarked Posthumous, as he paid the money; +"posterity will reward my exertions." + +"There is no doubt of it, sir. I wish you good morning," cried the man, +bustling out of the room with an air of peculiar satisfaction. + +"Good morning to you, Marble," exclaimed the collector, still closely +examining the painting; "and if you have any thing rare, be sure to let +me know. But, if it be in sculpture, I should prefer seeing something +with a nose to it; and if it be a painting, although this is a capital +subject, I should like it to be a little more easily made out." + +"I will endeavour to meet your wishes," said the dealer; and he made his +bow. + +"Capital subject!" continued the connoisseur, still intently poring +over his puzzling purchase: "capital subject--but I don't see it very +clearly yet. There is a something there, and there is a something here; +but--hullo, gentlemen!" he exclaimed, noticing his visitors for the +first time. "I beg pardon; but I really did not know you were in the +room. Have you brought me any curiosities--any thing rare or antique?" + +"This letter will explain to you our business," replied Oriel Porphyry, +handing a note across the table. + +"Sit down, my good sir, sit down," cried the antiquarian; and, on his +visitors complying with his request, he proceeded slowly to read the +letter; and, during the period he took in its perusal, Oriel amused +himself with examining the extraordinary contents of the room in which +he was sitting. The chamber was low and dark, and every corner in it +was filled with books heaped up together, without the slightest attempt +at arrangement; some glittering with handsome bindings, new and +unsoiled; and others old and ragged, covered with dirt, and dark with +age. With these were pictures, some leaning against the wall, some upon +chairs, others one upon another upon the floor, surrounded by huge +fragments of stone, broken pieces of statuary, bronzes, ancient weapons, +specimens of pottery, and a variety of other antiquities. Here was a +full-length statue deprived of a leg, there an antique bust with half a +nose; in one place a vase gaping with a conspicuous fracture, in another +a sepulchral urn chipped out of all resemblance to what it once was. Of +all the varied contents of the room, there remained nothing that had +not in some manner been rendered useless, if at any time it had been +considered of value, or, if perfect, had the slightest pretensions to +be considered antique. But the most amusing piece of antiquity in this +collection was evidently the proprietor, whose face and head expressed +a more perfect appearance of want of intellect than the most skilful +sculptor could have produced. His nose was a bulging lump of flesh, that +looked like any thing but the thing for which it was intended; his eyes +were deep set in his head, and were continually gazing in a settled +stare of foolish wonder and delight; and his mouth, which was more than +usually large, when its possessor was not talking stood invitingly half +open, as if to ensnare all the flies in its neighbourhood. And with +these characteristics there was a pompous manner with which he said his +foolish nothings, that rendered the man more highly ridiculous. + +"So you have come to purchase, instead of to sell," exclaimed he with +much astonishment. "I had rather you had brought me some rare antiques +to enrich my museum--the Posthumous Museum, as it is called. Do they +talk of it in Columbia?" + +"I cannot say I ever heard it mentioned," said Oriel, endeavouring to +conceal a smile. + +"Ah! posterity will do me honour; and it is for posterity I labour," +added the manufacturer. "But I will give orders about what you require +by and by. In the meantime, you must take up your abode with me, that +you may be enabled to appreciate all the wonderful things I have +collected in my museum for the benefit of posterity, that, when you +return to your country, you may say how invaluable is the Posthumous +Museum, and how enlightened and liberal is he who has spent a large +fortune in collecting together its precious contents! I shall have a +conversazione this evening, when you will meet with some of the most +celebrated literati in this great empire; till then, I will endeavour to +amuse you by making you aware of the value of this unrivalled collection +of antiquities. In the first place, you behold this dagger," said he, +showing an ordinary weapon of that description. "Well, this is the +identical dagger that Macbeth saw in the air when he exclaimed, 'Is this +a dagger that I see before me?' and so on." + +"But Macbeth merely imagined that he beheld such a weapon," observed +Oriel, amused at the credulity of his host. + +"Exactly so; and this is the very weapon Macbeth imagined he beheld," +replied the antiquarian. "It is undoubtedly genuine: I have documents +to prove it. This is the very seal with which Magna Charta signed +King John--no!--King John signed Runnemede--no, that's not it +either--Runnemede signed the Barons--I am not just sure I have it now, +but it must be one or the other. And this is the very seal;" and he +produced a seal about the size of a small lantern. "Here is an undoubted +Jew's harp--a great rarity. I don't know what Jew it belonged to; but +its genuineness is placed beyond suspicion." + +"It bears no resemblance to the harps in present use, either in size or +appearance," remarked Zabra. + +"A proof of its great antiquity," replied Posthumous. "You see it has +but one string. Now, it is upon record that, at a remote age, there was +a fiddler called Pagan Ninny. Whether he was called a pagan because he +was a ninny, or a ninny because he was a pagan, it is impossible to +prove; but certain it is that he played upon one string; and he played +so well, that instruments upon one string came into fashion both among +the Pagans and the Jews; and that is the reason why there is but one +string to this Jew's harp. You observe this cake of mineral substance," +he continued, pointing to a small bluish mass. "There is a deep interest +attached to this specimen. I never look at it without feeling emotions +of--that is to say, emotions of a what's-a-name, with which every monied +man must sympathise. It is the remains of a great man--of a very great +man--of a man whose credit with the world was exceeded by none in his +day. It is the ashes of Abraham Newland!" + +The manufacturer turned away, but whether to conceal a tear or to +produce another curiosity was doubtful; however he was only a few +seconds before he again approached his visitors, bearing a large +fragment of wood crumbling into decay. "But here, gentlemen," said +he, "here is an object that cannot fail to awaken--to awaken--that +is to say, it cannot fail to awaken, but what it ought to awaken +I do not exactly remember now; however, that is not of the slightest +consequence. You have, no doubt, read of England, a very ancient +island. Well, the inhabitants being very industrious did not +like being disturbed by their neighbours, an idle dishonest set +of rascals, who were continually coming upon their territory and +doing a great deal of damage; so to keep out these troublesome +marauders--marauders--marauders?--yes, that's the word, and having very +fine forests of timber in their country, they surrounded their island +with wooden walls; and this specimen, gentlemen, is an unquestionable +fragment of the wooden walls of old England, procured for me at great +expense by a traveller, who being in that part of the world found it in +the remains of a wall within a very short distance of the sea-coast. It +is the only antiquity of the kind in existence. None but the Posthumous +Museum can boast of such an invaluable relic of the ancient ages: for +posterity I acquired it, and for having become its fortunate possessor +posterity will not fail to do justice to my memory." + +Posthumous continued to give descriptions of a great variety of similar +objects in the same fashion, till he approached some pictures, one of +which he selected with great care, and placed in a favourable light. + +"Look at this picture, gentlemen!" he exclaimed, as his foolish face +endeavoured to express something like wonder and admiration. "Observe +the chiaro-scuro--the chiaro-scuro?--yes, that's the word, though I +don't exactly remember what it means. Admire the foreshortening--the +harmony--the repose--the expression, and all that. Fine +effect--admirable picture! The subject is Joshua commanding his son +to stand still. Excellent subject! The son was a very restless boy, +gentlemen, who required to be ruled with rather a high hand; so Mister +Joshua, a good sort of father too, by all accounts, was obliged to teach +him to be quiet in a manner boys don't in general admire. It is painted +by the immortal Snooks. Talk of Rubens, and Raphael, and Corregio, and +Titian, and others of the ancients,--they were never to be compared to +the immortal Snooks--the sublime, the incomparable, the illustrious +Snooks. He had such a miraculous--such an extraordinary--such an +unrivalled--I don't know what it was; but he had something, at any rate, +that was very fine, and gave a sort of wonderful incomprehensible--you +understand me--to such a degree, that seven-and-twenty cities have +carried on a most violent dispute about which had the honour of giving +him birth, and each erected a stupendous monument, having nothing else +upon it but this sublime inscription, 'HERE SNOOKS WAS BORN!' But when +he died, gentlemen, there was a regular scramble for his remains, and +one carried away an arm, another a leg, a third took possession of the +head, a fourth of the body, and many rejoiced in being so fortunate as +to be able to screw off a toe nail, or punch out one of his teeth; and +on the strength of this some forty different towns and cities have +raised most magnificent mausolea, bearing these excruciating words, +'HERE SNOOKS DIED!'" + +"He must have enjoyed a great degree of fame indeed," remarked Oriel. + +"Yes, sir," replied the connoisseur; "and although he has shared the +fate of many, who, though popular when living, get pulled to pieces +immediately they are dead, his reputation has only increased by it. Now, +gentlemen, let me show you this painting. It is a sea piece, you will +observe, and possesses all that amazing freshness and transparency, +and--and--what d'ye call 'em, which is considered so admirable by the +best judges. You may actually feel the moisture of the water, gentlemen, +if you stay long enough; and that is the reason I put my hat on whenever +I look at it, to prevent catching cold. Poor Tipple! his was a different +fate from that of the immortal Snooks. No one thought of disputing about +the honour of his birth or burial. He enjoyed no post mortem--post +mortem?--yes, that's it--he enjoyed no post mortem gratifications. +The nails were left upon his unhappy toes, and the teeth remained +undisturbed in his miserable jaws. But he was a great artist,--who could +paint water as he did? None! There was a sort of an indescribable, +inimitable--and--and a whatso'name in his water, that nobody else's +water ever looked like. You could see your face in it, Sir. But somehow +or other while he was--not a hewer of wood--but a drawer of water, +whether the sight of such a pure, sweet, refreshing beverage made him +continually thirsty, I'm not certain, but he drank, gentlemen, not his +own water, even when he drew it ever so mild, but strong waters, till +they overpowered his weak constitution, got into his upper story +by an hydraulic--hydraulic? Yes, that's the word--by an hydraulic +power of their own, till he created a deluge in his own body, without +the use of colours, which spoiled his palate, and made him obliged +to brush. Ah! Tipple was a great artist. There was a sort of a +truth, a nature, a thingembob about every thing he attempted, which +gave to all his paintings a certain, a--you understand, which is +perfectly delightful to look upon. He has not been appreciated by his +cotempop--contompo--contempo--confound it, I forget the word, but +however he was not appreciated by somebody. But perhaps, like me, he +looked to posterity; and although he has not created a Posthumous +museum, as some of his best productions form a portion of its invaluable +contents, it is very possible that when posterity does me justice it +will not forget the merits of Tipple." + +After Posthumous had detailed at sufficient length his description of +the contents of his library, he led the two friends into a suite of +several rooms, not at all suitable for the purpose for which they had +been erected, in which objects in natural history were arranged, if +arrangement it might be called, for here were animals, vegetables, +minerals, and fossils, mingled together as if they belonged to the +same family, but the specimens, like those in the library, were every +one imperfect--they were all deficient in something or other, which +rendered them comparatively useless to the student and valueless to the +collector. This defect, however, was not observed by the owner, who +imagined that there was not a collection in the world that could boast +of so many unique specimens from the stores of nature and art, as the +Posthumous museum. + +"You see, gentlemen, before you, the wonders of nature, from a tadpole +to an elephant!" exclaimed the manufacturer, in a tone of exultation. +"I have collected these--I have collected them for the benefit of +posterity, and not without considerable expense and labour, as you +may believe. But when a man is excited into action--yes, excited into +action--by an idea so comprehensive, so universal--so whatso'name, as +forming a museum for the benefit of posterity, he thinks not of the +trouble to which he may be put, or the money he may be out of pocket, +when he is endeavouring to develope--yes, that's it--endeavouring to +develope his own philosophical conceptions. Well--this is an--this is +a--this is an animal of some kind, but the name I do not at present +remember. You can at once perceive how much it differs from all other +animals: in the first place, it has four legs--two behind and two +before--an extraordinary coincidence--coincidence? Yes, that's the +word--and it possesses a tail, which, marvellous as it may seem, is +invariably placed upon the rump of the animal, and as nearly opposite to +its head as head and tail can be. Now you will notice the head. It has, +you see--two jaws, one above and the other below; and, though it may +appear strange, the upper jaw never sinks below the under jaw even if +the poor beast be ever so chap-fallen--and the under never rises above +the upper jaw. Very curious that. That animal, you will observe by the +teeth--I don't know how though, is carnivorous--carnivorous? Yes, that's +the word, which means that it eats nothing but grass. It's called by +zoologists one of the roomy--roomy--roomy--one of the roomy something, +but I'll be hanged if I can remember what--and I suppose it is because +it requires a sort of an expanse--an extensive, a--whatdyecallem, to +move about in. Now _this_ animal is a different species altogether. It +is what they call a--you understand. It has the same number of legs, the +same number of tails, and the same number of heads as the other animal, +and yet their natures are entirely, absolutely, and something else +which I've forgot, different. Isn't it wonderful? This is a grani--yes, +a granivorous quadruped, and consequently eats flesh, mutton chops, beef +steaks, or anything else of the same sort. You see these hoofs, how +admirably adapted they are for tearing their prey, much better than +knives and forks, when they, under the influence of a certain impulse +or instinct, or whatso'name, roam about the wilds looking after their +eatables. Wonderful, isn't it? Both these animals belong to the class +mammalia; yes--mammalia--a word that signifies that their mothers are +called mammies." + +"You quite enlighten me on the subject," observed Oriel Porphyry, +endeavouring to suppress a laugh. + +"Ay, Sir, I've studied it for a very long length of time," replied his +host. "I know it thoroughly, you may depend upon it. Now, Sir, here is a +fish. Fishes swim, you know, Sir." + +"I was aware of that," remarked Oriel, as gravely as he could. + +"But they don't swim when they're dead, Sir," rejoined the manufacturer, +as if desirous of making his auditors wonder at the extraordinary +fact. "Curious phenomenon--phenomenon? Yes, that's the word--curious +phenomenon that. Well, this fish is dead, and were you to try ever so, +you could not induce it to swim. You will observe that it has scales. +Now the animals we have just examined have no scales. Singular, isn't +it? That peculiarity in its organiza--organi--organ something, which +I have forgot, is a wise provision of nature--a sort of whatsoname to +prevent the fish from getting wet through when exposed to the continual +action of the watery element--yes, of the watery element. So these +scales are very important in its animal economy--ay, animal economy--and +you will remember, as a remarkable coincidence that completely proves +the value of these things, that Justice is always represented with +scales, Isn't it wonderful?" + +"Wonderful!" replied both the young men in a breath. + +"Now this is a reptile, you will observe," said Posthumous, pointing to +a small snake in a glass case. "This has scales, and yet it is not a +fish. Strange, isn't it? Here's the name. It is the _Bipède cannelé_. +The first word signifies that it's a biped, like man, though it's got +no legs; and the other word denotes that it's found in canals. Here +are some shells: this one is called _Coriocella nigra_, because it +always frequents the cellars of the blacks; and this is the _Velutina +capulöidea_, the first word of which means that it was discovered +by Veluti, a chonchologist--a chonchologist?--yes, a chonchologist, +celebrated in his day for the ardour with which he investigated--I mean +the spirit with which he penetrated--no, that's not it; but, at any +rate, it was a peculiar whatso'name with which he made his researches; +and what the other word implies I am not quite certain; but it appears +by the last syllables to mean some low idea which it isn't worth +inquiring into." + +"And what are these things?" inquired Zabra, looking at a confused mass +of insects lying together in a case. + +"Those are the Chalcididæ," replied the manufacturer, reading from a +paper affixed to it; "a family of hymenopterous insects, which the +heathens made sacred to their god Hymen, because they were very much +given to the marriage state; and this belongs to the section Pupivora, +because they are always found upon puppies. You will observe that they +have wings, and these wings are used for flying. But all insects have +not got wings, consequently some of them cannot fly. Wonderful, isn't +it? As I said before, it is a wise provision of nature to give them a +sort of a facility--a convenience--a thingembob, for the purpose of more +easily transporting them from place to place. Isn't it strange?" + +"What bird is this?" asked Oriel, pointing to a stuffed specimen. + +"Ha! now you will observe another extraordinary thing," exclaimed his +host. "This creature also possesses wings, and yet it is not an insect. +Marvellous coincidence! This is one of the Agami, so called because it +is considered excellent game; and has the scientific name of _Psophia +crepitans_, from its fondness of creeping upon sofas. You observe that +this animal has but two legs: the first animals we noticed had four, +and the fish had none; yet all of them, by that sort of natural a--you +understand, are enabled to go about wherever they like, and indulge +themselves in every kind of--something I don't remember, according to +their individual capacities--their individual capacities?--yes, their +individual capacities. Isn't it wonderful?" + +"And pray what stones are these?" inquired Zabra, directing attention to +two or three large fragments of stone leaning against the wall. + +"They are not stones, but fossils," replied Posthumous, trying to look +amazingly sagacious; "and the difference between a stone and a fossil is +a--the difference between a fossil and a stone. Isn't it strange?" + +"Wonderful!" exclaimed his visitors. + +"You see it is very hard," continued their companion, "and has the +skeleton of an animal long since extinct--extinct? yes, extinct--long +since extinct, plainly marked upon it. It is said that, once upon a +time, long before I can remember, there was a shower of rain came down, +that not only wetted every one to the skin, in spite of their umbrellas, +but actually drowned all the animals in the world, except those--yes, +except those who were not drowned. Well, the poor things when they +were dead couldn't move in the least; and, in course of time, by the +continual deposit of--of whatso'name upon their bodies, they became +squeezed into the earth round about them, and that becoming hard, they +became hard also. Now these are minerals. The earth, you know, is made +like a bread and butter pudding; a layer of bread and butter, then +a layer of currants, and so on; in what are called _strata_--yes, +_strata_, because they're always straight;--and sometimes they find +coal, and sometimes stone, and sometimes clay, and sometimes something +I don't remember, and sometimes something I have forgot; and all these +things are kept together in their proper places by a sort of--you +understand--which holds the world firmly together, so that people may +walk upon it without fear of its tumbling to pieces. Wonderful, isn't +it?" + +In this way Posthumous proceeded describing to his visitors the contents +of his museum. Every object was noticed, and all relating to it he knew, +which appeared at all times more novel than authentic, was minutely +detailed, with a look and a manner marked by self-approbation and +stupidity, that were exceedingly amusing, till the hour arrived for +dinner; when he seemed, with considerable reluctance, to leave its many +attractions, and led the way into a dining-room, which was also crammed +with every species of antiquity he had considered sufficiently valuable +for his collection, where, with a mummy at his feet, and a statue +without a head at his elbow, he did the honours of hospitality, mingling +them with liberal allusions to the benefit he was intent upon doing +posterity. + + + + +CHAP. IV. + +A CONVERSAZIONE. + + +It was evening, and every part of the Posthumous museum was brilliantly +lit up and filled with visitors. The manufacturer gave a conversazione, +and his rooms were filled with some of the most celebrated characters in +the world of wealth, fashion, and literature of Sydney. Some turned over +the leaves of books--others looked through portfolios of prints--some +examined the paintings--and others scrutinised the antiquities--a few +appeared intent upon studying the appearances of the different specimens +of natural history, and others seemed equally desirous of becoming +acquainted with the disposition of their companions. Some in little +circles were arguing upon various subjects, and in a room by themselves +were a more select party enjoying the performance of some excellent +music. Posthumous did not seem on terms of intimacy with many of his +guests, for they passed him with as much indifference as if he was some +one not worthy to be known; but he was remarkably attentive to Oriel and +his companion, describing, as they passed along, the different persons +that crowded his rooms, and only occasionally stopping in his remarks +to exchange a few words with some of his visitors with whom he knew he +might be familiar. + +"You see that person before you in the brown and yellow thingembob, with +a long nose and a remarkable sort of a whatso'name in his appearance," +said Posthumous. The two friends saw who was meant, but did not +recognise him by the description. "There, he's examining that Chinese +idol. He's a clever man--decidedly a clever man. He lived most part of +his life in China, because, he said, the country always suited him to a +T; and has written ever so many books about its geography and use of the +globes, habits, customs, laws, antiquities, and something else I don't +remember. He says their chronolo--chronology?--yes, chronology, that's +the word--he says their chronology is the most ancient in the world; +but I'll be bound to say that there's a more ancient chronology in my +museum, only I can't tell exactly where to lay my hands upon it. But a +very learned writer is Chopstick--very learned. It was he who discovered +that the tea-plant was originally cultivated in England, as he found +there a river called _Tees_, and ascertained that the ancient name of +the people was _Celtæ_, so called from their selling teas. That little +man in the snuff-coloured--you understand, knows more about antiquities +than any body in Australia. It was he who proved so clearly that our +city was originally built by Sir Philip Sydney, an architect who was +very partial to erecting arcades, so much so that he wrote a work about +them called Arcadia, and from him our metropolis has derived its name. +Talking of antiquities, do you know I met in a book the other day +something about a psychological--psychological? yes, that was the +word--something about a psychological curiosity; and although I have +offered any price for a psychological curiosity, I have not been able to +procure one. But let us hear what Dustofages is saying about that piece +of ancient brickwork. It has an inscription upon it which has puzzled me +completely." + +Posthumous and his young visitors approached the table on which rested a +considerable piece of brickwork that had attracted the attention of the +little antiquarian. + +"I am tolerably certain," said Dustofages with a grave face, to a few +anxious students of the art in which he was so famous, that thronged +near him, "I am tolerably certain that this inscription is in the +English language, and from its appearance I should pronounce it to be +cotemporaneous with the Georgian dynasty." + +"Wonderful!" murmured Posthumous. + +"The first three letters are evidently a T, an R, and a Y, which make +the word TRY," continued the antiquarian: "and the letters of the next +word, though nearly obliterated, taken together, form the name +WARRENS--and this ancient inscription, therefore, is 'Try Warrens'--but +what it means I am not so confident. Perhaps this Warrens was a +notorious offender whom the people wished to have tried and punished; +and therefore expressed their wishes in a conspicuous manner, that +the government might notice it, and _try Warrens_: this was a way the +populace then had of making their sentiments known to their rulers as +may be ascertained by an antique fragment in the Australian Museum, on +which is inscribed the words, 'Down with the Whigs!'" + +"Extraordinary!" exclaimed Posthumous. + +"But as in the whole course of my reading I have met with no allusion to +any notorious character of the name of Warrens," continued the little +man, "it is quite as probable that some obscure individual made the +inscription as a sort of memento to attract the attention of his +mistress, expressive of his love and fidelity--he wished her to _try +Warrens_. In the English anthology, from a very ancient poem, I met with +these lines, addressed by a lover to his mistress-- + + "Try me, try me, + Prove ere you deny me"-- + +which proves that lovers were desirous of being tried; and as so many +inscriptions exist in which the ancients showed their attachment to +their females by inscriptions on wood and stone, declaring their wishes, +there can be but little doubt that these words were placed here by some +enamoured youth who was desirous that a particular female, whose name +has not come down to us, should 'Try Warrens.'" + +"Isn't it wonderful?" cried the delighted Posthumous, and without +waiting for an answer hurried his companions to another room. "How do +you do, Bluey?" he exclaimed, addressing a tall thin lady with a bilious +complexion, who appeared to be examining some minerals. + +"Rather say, how does my will do," replied the lady, very gravely; "for +it is my will that does every thing. I must have the will to do, before +the action can be done. If you mean merely to inquire into the state of +the mere animal machine, I must reply, that of the chemical combinations +now in process, the acids overpower the alkalis, and produce an acetous +fermentation in the natural laboratory, that disturbs the sanatory +functions of my particular system, and tends to create new combinations +injurious in their action upon the animal fibre; but as I know that as +a sufficient proportion of the earthy salts, either in carbonates or +sulphates, held in solution, or in any other form that may be most +convenient, operating upon the acids, will counteract their unhealthy +tendency and render them inert, I do not care for the disorder of my +organic substances. It is not of sufficient importance to distract my +attention from the interesting study of chemical affinities." + +"Well, I'm sorry you're so bad," remarked the inquirer, in a tone of +regret. + +"Bad is the antagonist of good," said the lady, sharply; "and I beg to +say that I am not bad. Bad is evil--I am not evil--therefore I am not +bad. Bad is base--I am not base--therefore I am not bad. In fact, bad is +a very unphilosophical term to apply upon such an occasion. You should +have said that you regretted that there should exist any chemical +combinations in my system of natural processes that support life, which +are not characteristic of a state of health." + +"At any rate, I hope you will soon get better," responded her host. + +"Better is worse than bad," replied his guest with additional severity. +"To be better, implies an antecedent state of badness, and I tell you +again I am not bad, I have not been bad, and I do not intend to be bad." + +"Well, good bye--good bye," he exclaimed, attempting to hurry away. + +"There is no sense in the phrase 'good bye;' it means nothing," said the +lady hastily: "it is an abbreviation of 'good be with you.' Now, if you +mean to say that I am good, I deny it. I deny that I am either good or +bad; good and bad being qualities not existing in the object, for what +appears good to one may seem bad to another; but they arise in the idea +of the individual." + +Posthumous and his companions were glad when they were out of hearing of +the lady, whose metaphysics and chemistry they could not appreciate in +the way she desired. + +"Ah, do you see that tall man behind his whiskers?" inquired the +manufacturer, pointing to a person who answered to such a description. +"He has got a very remarkable, stately sort of whatso'name, hasn't he? +He's a member of the government, a great patron of literature and +science, and--and something I forget. He's been known to spend as much +as sixpence a week in the cheap publications; and many a miserable +starving author, who has sent him his works, he has actually enriched +with his good wishes. Great patron, isn't he? The person he's talking to +in the beautiful head of hair, is a political writer on the ministerial +side, who has a wonderful, incomprehensible--a--you understand, that's +very delightful. He writes about the glorious constitution, our +admirable government, and--and something with a fine name I don't +remember, in a style that's absolutely, completely, and downright +thingembob. That lady, that seems to be looking after her youth and +beauty, is the authoress of a work which has been very popular, called, +'The whole Duty of Man,' which is filled with long chapters upon short +commons or fasting, praying, sneezing, the cultivation of carrots and +virtue, the bringing up children and mustard and cress, and directions +about paying bills and visits. The young man, trying to admire himself +in the glass, is a novelist famous for the splendour of his imaginative +conceptions--yes, of his imaginative conceptions. His books are like the +rooms of a dealer in fashionable furniture; or-molu and mother-of-pearl, +rosewood and ivory, buhl and something I forget, meet one in every page; +and he writes about gold, and silver, and precious stones, as if he had +been an apprentice to a jeweller. Then his stories are always celebrated +for a certain pathetic whatso'name, which is much admired. Now let us go +into the music room." + +The three associates passed through the crowd which filled the rooms to +the great danger of the more breakable antiquities, Posthumous stopping +occasionally to talk to one or welcome another, till they arrived in +the music room, where they took some refreshments as they entered. A +beautiful girl was accompanying herself while singing the following +words, to which all seemed to listen with the greatest attention:-- + + The lunar tide began to flow, + The tidal wave moved to and fro, + Bright shone each constellation; + Except where in th' horizon's space + Some planets, with reluctant pace, + Commenced their declination. + + Then Coma unto Stella came, + To show to her his ardent flame, + Apparent in aphelion; + As had been done for many years, + In their peculiar hemispheres, + While placed in perihelion. + + "Ah, Stella!" said the glowing swain, + "My flame to thee I bring again, + In hopes thou wilt absorb it: + My course, eccentric though it be, + Moves near as it may come to thee + In my peculiar orbit." + + "Away!" cried Stella, "come not here; + Go, shine within another sphere, + I feel not thy attraction; + I have beheld thy parallax, + And noticed thy erratic tracks, + Thy action and reaction." + + A cloud on Coma's face appeared, + And when its atmosphere was cleared, + In rapid execution + Of Stella's dark command, he set, + And strove for ever to forget + Her radiant revolution. + +"Beautiful!" cried a dozen voices in a breath, as soon as the song was +concluded. + +"So exquisitely pathetic!" murmured one. + +"So perfectly natural!" exclaimed another. + +"It is admirable; is it not, sir?" said a young lady with a remarkable +pair of languishing eyes, as she directed their eloquent gaze full upon +the handsome face of Oriel Porphyry. + +"No doubt it is, madam, if you think so," replied the merchant's son, +with more politeness than sincerity. + +"Ah! our opinions are the same--the effect of a mutual sympathy. How +charming!" observed the young beauty languidly. "Do you believe in the +theory of mutual sympathies?" + +"I must confess I know nothing about it," acknowledged Oriel. + +"Innocence exemplified!" exclaimed his companion, regarding him with +more evident admiration. "I will explain it to you. There exists in +every human creature in one sex a decided inclination towards some human +creature in the other sex, which is never developed till those two meet +together, and then it immediately becomes manifest. Now suppose, for +example, I possess a certain amicable feeling, which remains perfectly +unknown until I meet with you for the first time, when an immediate +consciousness tells me that my sympathy is excited." + +"Wonderful, isn't it?" said Posthumous. + +Oriel was at a loss what to reply; but Zabra's dark eyes appeared +flashing with indignation. + +"Now, these sympathies ought to be indulged; or why are they created?" +asked the fair sophist. "If we observe nature, which is always the best +guide, we shall find all her impulses followed out to their purpose, to +the great increase of the pleasures of the individual. Nature never can +be wrong; therefore, if we follow nature, we shall always be right." + +"Exactly so!" responded the manufacturer. "I remember seeing a puppy +running after his own tail, and he was delighted at the fun. Yes, follow +nature, certainly." + +Oriel Porphyry with great difficulty refrained from laughing. Zabra, on +the contrary, looked upon the young lady with an expression of scorn +that made his countenance appear darker than ever. + +"It was a conviction of the truth of this theory that made me write my +work on the philosophy of mutual communion," continued their companion, +"where you will find proved, by arguments that cannot be confuted, that +there is no happiness in the world except in love--that love is this +mutual sympathy between two individuals of the two sexes--and that this +sympathy should invariably be indulged as often as it exists." + +"Well, I have always had something of the same notion about love," +remarked Posthumous, gravely. "I consider love to be a sort of a very +beautiful, interesting--a--you understand, in one person, for a +peculiar, charming, delightful--a--whatsoname in another." + +"I should imagine, from what I have observed, that the true nature +of love is perfectly unknown to either of you," observed Zabra, with +some asperity; "it only dwells in the breasts of those whose qualities +assimilate with its own. It is the principle of truth, of purity, and +of excellence; and whomsoever it touches it makes true, and pure, and +excellent in the eyes of the lover. There is wisdom in it; for wisdom +is ever an emanation of truth. There is beauty in it; for beauty is the +essential spirit of purity. And there is in it an omnipotent power; for +in excellence will always be found the greatest degree of greatness. +Love, being true, enlightens; being pure, sanctifies; and being +excellent, strengthens all by whom it is possessed. It is a virtue from +which all virtues proceed. It is the nobility of nature. It is the +humanity of life. Without it the sun would be black, and the heavens a +void; a strife would be among all things, and a devouring death consume +the universe. With it the power of a perfecting will fills the glad +heart; and in whatever corner of the earth there breathes the principle +of existence, love will enter into its most secret depths; infuse into +them a purpose hitherto unknown; fill them with a power to suffer and +to conquer that cannot be set aside, and render the individual, the +atmosphere he inhales, and all things he sees, touches, or hears, the +receptacle of a perfect felicity, that endures even unto the very +threshold of oblivion. It is this feeling, and this feeling alone, that +has created whatever is admirable around us; we admire, because we love; +and we love, only to produce a continuation of the qualities we have +admired." + +Oriel regarded the animated countenance of his youthful companion with +his usual affection. The young lady gazed upon his beautiful features +with apparently more sympathy than his friend had excited; and +Posthumous opened his mouth, rubbed his eyes, and stared, and looked all +the wonder and admiration his foolish face was capable of expressing; +and when he did find language, which was not for some minutes after the +speaker had concluded, he exclaimed-- + +"Yes, sir, that's exactly what I said. It is nothing in the world more +than a simple, a--something I have forgot, arising entirely in the +organisation of the individual--organisation of the individual?--yes, +organisation of the individual, that produces a peculiar sort of feeling +in the a--whatsoname." + + + + +CHAP. V. + +THE PHILANTHROPIST IN TROUBLE. + + +Oriel Porphyry made a considerable stay in Australia, visiting most of +the principal cities, the manufacturing and agricultural districts, in +fact, whatever part of the country was considered most worthy of notice; +bartering his merchandise, and making purchases of such articles of +traffic as might be advantageously disposed of during his voyage. +Before he left the country he received from his father the following +communication:-- + +"I hope by this time, my dear Oriel, you are completely reconciled to +the way of life I wish you to follow, and I am quite sure that the +longer you live the more cause you will have to rejoice at pursuing +a path so honourable. Every day I exist, I the more fervently +congratulate myself upon having forsaken the deceitful splendour of a +false ambition, for wherever I look around among those who belong to +that undeservedly honoured section of society I was forced to leave in +disgust, I observe so much of envy, inquietude, pride, folly, hatred, +ignorance, ambition, and tyranny, I wonder that such things the +prejudices of custom can regard with homage. I see the title of majesty +applied to an individual who is the very reverse of majestic; his +highness is diminutive; his grace awkward; a fellow, though he be a +notorious cheat, may still be a nobleman; and however unworthy or +ignorant be a person of rank, he is allowed to take precedence of +virtue, of intellect, and of every species of human excellence, +undistinguished by the title he possesses. I do not mean to assert that +a man is in any way the worse for having this sort of distinction, for I +have found many real noble men among our aristocracy; what I maintain +is, that they are in no way exalted by it. And when I compare the good +effected by this class with the good effected by those who do not +belong to it, the disproportion is so immense that I must always call +in question the advantage of maintaining a section of society in an +acknowledged state of superiority to the rest, who, to the rest, are of +so little utility. + +"The next thing to be considered is--are they a happier race of +individuals than those whom they think beneath them? Most of them are in +the enjoyment of many luxuries; but luxury and happiness are far from +being synonymous: and when we come to look into the artificial state of +life in which these people exist, and notice their exclusiveness, their +rivalries, their ostentatious splendour, and their prodigal meannesses, +we can afford them only a low place on the scale of happiness--one +certainly much beneath that possessed by persons whom they are in the +habit of thinking their inferiors. Yet this is the sort of greatness, +Oriel, you seemed so desirous of possessing. That desire, I hope, has +given place to better and nobler aspirations. There is a wider field now +open to you; from which the landscape shows every attraction which ought +to allure you forward. Go on, Oriel, go on and prosper. Let me see you +a philanthropist, and I shall die content. + +"There have been some stirring doings in Columbia since you left the +country. Our rulers seem desperately intent upon working their own +destruction. I regret this. I regret it for the sake of these +inconsiderate men--I regret it more for the sake of the community at +large, who, if they are driven into open opposition and strife, and +bloodshed ensue, must be the immediate sufferers. Public meetings have +been held in various parts of the empire, particularly in the northern +provinces, and resolutions reflecting very strongly upon the ministers +have been agreed to in the presence of immense multitudes of the people. +Some disturbances have taken place, which were put down only at the +sacrifice of several lives, and many of the most influential of the +public prints, notwithstanding the ruinous prosecutions, fines, and +imprisonments, with which all who advocated the cause of the people +are punished, denounced the measures of the government in a very bold +tone. The meetings in the metropolis were equally important, and their +proceedings were conducted with a similar degree of energy. + +"As the highest municipal officer--as a legislator of considerable +experience, independent of my reputation as a private individual, I +naturally enjoyed much influence among my fellow-citizens. They looked +up to me for advice, and were always anxious for my countenance. It was +with great uneasiness that I observed the mischievous policy pursued by +the Emperor's advisers. I saw that its tendency was to fill the hearts +of the people with a spirit of resistance, that must eventually lead to +a fierce and relentless civil war, that might deluge the country with +blood, and destroy its prosperity by the withering blast of flame and +the sword. What to do in this fearful crisis was not a subject to be +dismissed without deep reflection. To its consideration I gave anxious +days and sleepless nights. I knew that, if the existing feeling +continued, a struggle would commence that could not easily be stopped; +it would continue while there was hope on one side, and power on the +other; and to the true patriot there can be nothing so horrible as the +prospect of a savage warfare around him, in which the children of the +same soil must be set to slaughter one another. On the other hand, it +was equally evident that, if the government were allowed to carry on +their despotic proceedings, every citizen would be obliged to give up +the privilege of his manhood, and become a slave; and I had so much of +the mighty impulses of freedom in my nature as would not allow me to +look tamely on, while the chains were riveting around my subjected +country. + +"I saw that there was but one way to secure my fellow-countrymen +from the approaching degradation without having recourse to deeds of +violence. From my place in the legislature I continually described the +alarming state of the empire, and foretold the fearful consequences +which must result if ministers proceeded in the course they were +pursuing. With all the eloquence of which I was master, I implored them +to desist. I entreated that the obnoxious measures might be abandoned, +and offered to become security for the immediate return of the public +tranquillity if the desire I expressed was complied with. At the same +time, whenever I was called upon to direct or attend a popular assembly, +which was almost daily, I strongly advised the propriety of refraining +from violence. I recommended continual public meetings, in which the +voice of the nation might be spoken without intemperance; and that the +ministers might be made sufficiently aware of the state of opinion, I +advocated the policy of petitioning the legislature for redress, in firm +but respectful language, throughout every part of the united empire. +The government paid no attention to my labours. I was listened to with +inattention, and my arguments were treated with disdain. Proud in the +use of a slavish and corrupt majority, proud in the exercise of a power +they wished to render irresponsible, and proud in the possession of +an immense standing army, whose services they retained by profligate +expenditure of the public money, they attempted to stifle the voice of +opinion, by constant endeavours to prevent the meetings of the people, +and by treating their petitions with studied contempt. + +"The effect these proceedings had upon me I leave you to imagine. I +never could have supposed any set of men could have been found so +indifferent to their own interests. But the emperor resolved to render +his power absolute, and his advisers had urged the necessity of pursuing +what they called strong measures, arguing that, if they stopped now at +the clamour that had been raised, it would be impossible for them to +resume their measures at any future time. In vain I preached patience +and resignation, peace and temperance. Prosecutions and persecutions +were going on in every direction. The presses that laboured to diffuse +among the people a knowledge of their true situation were seized and +destroyed, and the persons connected with them were incarcerated +in dungeons; private dwellings were invaded, on the most frivolous +pretexts, in search of imaginary conspiracies, and their inmates were +subjected to every kind of indignity--mulcted in heavy penalties, or +carried off from their homes and never more heard of; spies appeared to +lurk in every house; and no sooner was a public meeting announced than +measures were taken to prevent its being held, by filling the place with +heavily armed troops. My anxiety grew more intense every day. I saw the +storm must burst; I knew that the strife must begin; and when I beheld +the almost countless masses of military that filled the country, ready +to act on the first emergency, and knew that they would oppose men +undisciplined and imperfectly armed, I shuddered at the mere +anticipation of the consequences. + +"Among those who took a part with me in opposing, in a constitutional +manner, the proceedings of the government, might be found many of the +most enlightened, the most admirable, and the most wealthy men in the +empire; men whose characters were unimpeachable, and whose property +formed an important stake in the country; and they were earnest in their +philanthropy, and sincere in their patriotism. They agreed with me in +opinion that peace ought to be preserved till they were absolutely +forced to take up arms. But there were others amongst us, young and +headstrong politicians, or crafty and deceitful spies, who appeared most +anxious to provoke an immediate collision. That the strife was about to +commence was the general impression, for many provided themselves with +arms, and others endeavoured to secure their property. This state of +things continued from day to day, creating the most tyrannical laws, and +making the indignation more general. All expected a blow to be struck; +but having no acknowledged leader, and no settled plan of action, none +were ready to strike. At last, as a final resource, I thought of once +more calling a public meeting; and to avoid its being prevented by the +government, as others had been, it was kept secret among known friends +till the last moment, when each communicated it to a separate circle +with such excellent effect, that the assembly was one of the most +crowded that had ever been held. + +"It was my duty to open the business of the day. Much as I feared +the coming warfare, knowing that success could only be gained at the +expense of incalculable misery and suffering, I felt the painful truth +that the end justified the means, and endeavoured to prepare myself, +as well as my excited feelings would allow me, to take my share in the +approaching struggle. I abhor bloodshed; from my heart and soul I loathe +it. I would have sacrificed myself willingly to obtain justice for my +fellow-citizens; but justice seemed a thing only to be procured by +force. I addressed the meeting. I felt that the labours of a long life, +endured to create a more general happiness, were about to be risked in a +strife of brother against brother. All that I had endeavoured to avoid +would now become unavoidable--the reign of discord would commence--the +wounds I had healed would break out afresh--the good I had done would be +turned to evil--the felicity I had created would end in wretchedness. +With these convictions of the mind, the sympathies of the heart may +easily be imagined. I at first addressed the meeting as if mourning at +the funeral of my own hopes. I related all that had been endured, and +the eyes of my attentive auditors seemed to burn with indignation, and +their brows scowled with resentment. I described the patience with +which all had been endured, and their looks were restless and gloomy. I +detailed every instance of contempt with which that patience had been +regarded, and the breasts of the strong men heaved with passion, and +their glances were stern and fierce. I told them how much I lamented the +blindness and obstinacy of their rulers, and showed them the deep and +just cause I had for that regret; but having stated that all had been +attempted that the most patriotic philanthropist could have suggested to +escape unshackled from the evils with which we were threatened, I told +them that nothing now was to be done to preserve our liberties but to +maintain them by force of arms. Twenty thousand eager voices, joining in +one continued cheer, testified their readiness to follow the suggestion. +'A long life has been devoted to your service,' said I, 'whose greatest +pleasure has been created by the pleasures it has been enabled to +diffuse. I would much rather that the life had been prolonged to +continue its enjoyment in the same gladdening labour; but our rulers +have willed it otherwise. I cannot end my existence as hitherto it has +proceeded--not in the sweet indulgence of my friendly feelings towards +my species--not in the observance of the tranquil bliss they have +produced. No matter! I have ever been devoted to your service; my life +must end in pursuing the same duty. I will stand by you in the struggle +you must now commence; and all the power and wealth and influence I +possess shall aid you in obtaining its successful issue.' Cheers rent +the air--such cheers as, if they had heard them, and seen the immense +multitude from whom they proceeded, emulating each other in the +expression of their grateful enthusiasm, would have made our ministers +glad on any terms to undo the mischievous work they had executed. + +"Many influential persons spoke to the same effect; and it was agreed +that as large a body of men as could be got together should go to the +emperor's palace, and desire the instant abrogation of the unpopular +edicts. If they met with force, it was to be resisted; and as soon as +the struggle became inevitable, the bells of the different churches were +to be rung to arms, and a simultaneous attack made on all the military +positions, so as to prevent the troops leaving their barracks while the +emperor's palace was stormed. This plan was no sooner agreed upon +than it was resolved to be put in immediate execution, to prevent +the government taking measures to prevent its success; and a general +rendezvous having been appointed, every man left the meeting with +the intention of preparing himself for the fray. I had returned home, +melancholy, I must acknowledge; for I could not reflect upon the dangers +to which the mass of my fellow-citizens would soon be exposed without +feelings of the deepest anguish; and I had scarcely crossed my own +threshold before I saw that the place was filled and surrounded by armed +men, by whom I was immediately seized, treated with every indignity, +dragged through the streets to a dungeon, and, after having been loaded +with heavy chains, there left to the contemplation of darkness and +filth. + +"The promptness and secrecy of my seizure I had not expected, or I +should have been prepared for resistance; and now I had but little hope +of ever being of the slightest service to any individual; for if my +friends succeeded in their exertions, they knew not the place where I +was confined, and were not likely during my existence to discover it, +so that my prospect was but a cheerless one. It was some hours before I +could distinguish with any accuracy the features of my prison. At last, +when my eyes got used to the darkness, I noticed that it was a narrow +cell, built of huge masses of stone. On one side, at the top, was a +small grating of iron, through which sufficient light entered to make +the darkness evident. The door was of iron, and it opened inwardly. The +floor was of stone, damp and cold. It was about seven feet by five in +size, and about ten feet in height. The place seemed never to have been +cleansed: it was fouled with every abomination, and vermin, toads, and +other loathsome objects abounded within its walls. Disgusting as such a +place must be to one used to comfort and convenience, I began to grow +careless of its horrors, and thought only of the effect my incarceration +would have upon my fellow-citizens. It was not so secretly done as to +prevent all knowledge of the transaction, and the few to whom it was +known, I knew would lose no time in making their intelligence public. +There would then, I felt convinced, commence a desperate struggle; and +which ever side had the victory, it could not be gained but at the +expense of a degree of human suffering, the imagination of which filled +me with pain and fear. + +"While engaged in these thoughts, I heard footsteps approaching--they +stopped at the door--the strong bolts were undrawn, and a man, muffled +up in a large cloak and high slouched hat, entered the cell. He stopped +before me. I thought he was going to put me to death. I could see +nothing of his face but two large dark eyes glaring upon me with a +malignity I should have thought it impossible any human being could +feel. He spoke, and I knew the voice. It was Philadelphia. + +"'So ho, old plotter of treason!' he exclaimed exultingly, 'you are now +in safe keeping, I think. Nothing would serve your plebeian soul but to +hatch rebellion. You could leave your beggarly buying and selling to +plot the overthrow of the state. You thought, doubtless, it would be an +easy matter to exterminate the power of the government, and felt assured +you should have but little difficulty in seating yourself upon the +throne of the Emperor. Ha ha! A fine plot truly: and a most admirable +successor you would make to our gracious monarch. But I had due notice +of your infamous designs. I have watched you long, old traitor! and only +waited an opportunity for putting an end to your ambitious career. The +object I sought is accomplished. How like you this dungeon? it is not +exactly the palace you expected. And these chains, they are not so +comfortable as the robe of state with which you imagined your vulgar +limbs would be adorned?' + +"Truly the dungeon is not agreeable, and the chains do feel rather +heavy," said I, mildly. + +"'Be satisfied,' replied he in a tone of mockery; 'you will get used +to them, and they will last your time. I came to gratify myself by +observing how you bore this sudden change in your fortunes. You are +tired of lamenting your miserable fate; you have exhausted your +imprecations upon me and my coadjutors in the government; you--' + +"Common sense forbid that I should curse myself or any one, for it could +do no one any good, and might do myself harm," said I. + +"''Tis all hypocrisy!' exclaimed Philadelphia, 'your heart is now ready +to burst with vexation--your soul is full of hatred--your mind is intent +upon revenge.' + +"Indeed you wrong me," I replied. + +"'No doubt, I do,' he added with a sneer. 'You are very much wronged. +You are quite a martyr to your patriotic intentions. Never was man +so ill used. Perhaps you are not a traitor--possibly you are not a +rebel--it may be you did not treacherously plot the destruction of the +peace of my family, by aiding in the elopement of my daughter.' + +"A traitor I certainly am not--a rebel I am not--and as for your +daughter's elopement, I know no more than public rumour has declared, +which was, that she left your house to avoid a marriage you were +attempting to bring about against her inclinations," I responded. + +"''Tis a lie! 'Tis a low, vulgar, designing lie!' shouted the enraged +noble, as part of his cloak falling from his face disclosed his proud +features distorted by passion. 'You have been scheming to bring about an +alliance between Eureka and your son--a base hound, unfit to breathe in +her presence. Tell me where she is--tell me where you have secreted her; +and wherever she may be, I will tear her limb from limb, rather than +allow her to disgrace herself by any connection with your accursed +family.' + +"I know not her asylum," said I. "But I acknowledge I did wish that our +children should be united." + +"'And how dared you so presume?' fiercely inquired he. 'Could you not +have found among your own vile money-getting crew some fit companion +for your cub, that you must needs think of uniting him with a daughter +of one of the noblest families in the empire? The world is indeed in a +sorry condition if it can tolerate such things. But that you know where +she is concealed I am assured, and I will have the secret out of you, +if torture can force it from your custody. Your nerves shall be racked, +your flesh lacerated; you shall starve, and die, and rot in this hole.' + +"I had been standing before him supporting my chains, as well as I +could, and listening unmoved to his angry speeches; but there now +appeared such a remorseless cruelty in his countenance, that I gazed in +astonishment, almost doubting the possibility that the lamb I had known +could have become so wolfish. To have told him my real name, I plainly +perceived, would only incense him the more. If he hated me at that +moment (and I grieved to think he should regard me with such unsocial +feelings), with such a disposition as he possessed, he would detest me +a thousandfold more, when he knew how much I could injure him. I can +safely say I had no such inclination; and had I been so inclined, which +I gladly affirm was not the case, being so entirely in his power, I saw +that any intimation of such intentions would only have the effect of +hastening my destruction, or of adding to my discomfort; I therefore +still retained my secret. He had folded his arms across his breast, and +was looking sternly upon my face. + +"'Then you will not acquaint me with the place of Eureka's concealment?' +he demanded. + +"'I could not acquaint you with it if I would, for it is unknown to me,' +I replied; 'and this I have already told you.' + +"'I will crush it out of you,' he savagely muttered. 'Think not of ever +being carried alive out of this place. Dream not of rescue. I have taken +care that the swinish mob you were so desirous of leading shall be cut +to pieces by the soldiery wherever they appear in arms. Horse and +foot are ready to act at a moment's notice, and the most destructive +artillery command all the principal streets, and defend every important +building. I defy the whole city; and the first attempt at disturbance +shall be so punished, that the poor deluded fools who are left alive +will be very glad to gain the shelter of their homes. Anticipate no +assistance from that quarter. The short time you have to live will be +passed here, where you can see no human being, and no human being can +see you; where your shrieks cannot be heard, were you to split your +heart in the attempt. Enjoy yourself as you can; prolong your existence +_if_ you can; but, if you are wise, you will strive to escape the death +prepared for you by dashing your traitorous scull against the wall.' +Then fixing on me a threatening scowl, he strode out of the cell. + +"'Who could have supposed this possible?' thought I: how strange it +seemed that the child I had known so innocent, and so affectionate, +should have become so guilty and ferocious a man. _Man!_ it libelled +human nature to call him by the name. He was a mere animal, and the +worst of animals; for he gave himself up to the indulgence of his +passions, and pride and prejudice, and ignorance and cruelty, and all +the tribe of evil influences which arose from an engrossing selfishness, +became the principal ingredients of his nature. How I regretted this! I +never yet saw a human being pursuing a path which led to misery, but I +regretted the blindness that made him so obstinately bent on punishing +himself: for I am quite certain that he who wilfully produces suffering +in another must eventually be made to experience the pain he has +created. No one can erect his own happiness upon so wretched a +foundation, without finding the superstructure give way, till it leave +him grovelling in the very wretchedness upon which he ventured to build. +I therefore regret that he should possess such evil inclinations, as +must make him a scourge to himself and others. + +"Hours passed on; the evening approached; and, not having tasted food +since the morning, I naturally felt desirous of some refreshment. But +no one came near me. I began to listen for approaching footsteps; but I +heard nothing but a confused rumbling sound, which vibrated through +the prison. The desire for food increased during the night. I tried to +sleep; but the inconvenience of my chains, the coldness and filth of the +floor, and a sensation of gnawing at the stomach, made the enjoyment of +sleep impossible. I walked about; but the heavy irons hurt my legs, and +they soon fatigued me too much to be endured. I leaned against the wall +for support, as I began to feel faint and sick. 'Surely,' thought I, +'it is not intended that I should be left here to famish?' I could not +think so ill of any of my fellow creatures as to imagine that they +would designedly allow me to die the lingering and terrible death of +starvation. But no one approached my cell, and it was noon of the second +day. To the pangs of hunger were added the torments of thirst: my tongue +and throat became parched, and my skin dry as a cinder. Still I thought +that my jailors had forgotten me. Towards evening, the sufferings I +experienced were almost unendurable: I had pains in every limb; I felt +weak as a child, and my skin was burning hot. I endeavoured to think of +some plan by which I might draw my attention from the agony I endured; +and fancied that, if I could bring my mind to the contemplation of the +happiness I had been enabled to create, I should forget the worst part +of my sufferings. So I attempted to remember every instance in which I +had fortunately been the means of securing the enjoyments of some fellow +creature; and, going back as far as my memory could trace, I recalled +the recollection of a poor old blind man, whom, when a boy, I had met +sitting on a bank, weeping and moaning, with the dead body of his +faithful dog, the companion and guide of all his travels, in his lap. I +had with me a beautiful spaniel, of which I was particularly fond; and, +when I heard the poor man lamenting, in a tone that melted me to tears, +that the death of his dog had left him helpless and forlorn, I comforted +him as well as I could. I undid the string that was affixed to the dead +animal, and fastened it to the collar of my own little favourite; gave +him all the money I had about me, and promised to bury his old companion +very carefully in a corner of my garden. To say that he was grateful +would be to make use of too weak a term: his delight appeared to me +extraordinary. He wept more than ever; and the fervour of his blessing +is as fresh upon my ear, after the lapse of more than half a century, as +it was when first uttered. From this commencement I proceeded through +a long list of similar remembrances, each accompanied by a thousand +pleasurable associations, till I found myself regardless of the terrible +wants that had so long been preying on my vitals. + +"I had noticed that the only sounds I had heard during my confinement +had seemed gradually to approach the building I inhabited. Louder and +louder they reverberated through the massive walls; and at last I was +enabled to distinguish the deep roar of artillery, that appeared to +shake the prison to its foundations. 'The struggle has commenced,' +thought I: 'blood is flowing like water; the relentless sword is +ploughing its way through the flesh of my fellow-citizens, and thousands +are being shattered and pierced by showers of murderous balls and +shells.' If the words of that fierce man were true, their chances of +success, I knew, could be but slight. 'They are being slaughtered like +sheep,' I cried; and every concussion produced by the report of the +thundering cannon made me shudder with fear. All night the conflict +proceeded. I had sunk exhausted upon the floor. I could remember +nothing; I could think of nothing. I was rapidly sinking into +insensibility, in the early part of the morning, when I became roused by +hearing the uproar of cannon and musketry, and the shouts of infuriated +men, so near, that I was convinced that the people had attacked the +prison. I felt the concussion of the artillery most distinctly, which +sounded as if the besiegers were battering down the walls; and the +continued burst of volleys of musketry was evidence of the spirit with +which the attack was carried on. About an hour passed without the +slightest cessation of the tumult,--and to me it was an age of agonising +suspense,--when the firing slackened; but whether the attacking party +had been beaten off, or had gained possession of the building, I knew +not. Some minutes, which seemed hours, passed; and I thought I could +distinguish voices approaching. In a moment, I heard them distinctly. + +"'Where are you, my benefactor?' shouted one. + +"'Speak to us, my preserver!' cried another. + +"'Porphyry! Porphyry, our friend, we come to your rescue!' exclaimed +a dozen others; and I could hear them traversing the prison in every +direction in search of me. My heart was so full at the kindness of +these good men, that, had my strength been unimpaired, I could not have +uttered a word; and I allowed my deliverers to pass the door without +attempting to communicate to them the place of my concealment. A few +moments passed, and they again approached. My heart beat more rapidly. +I tried to husband all my remaining strength. + +"'Porphyry! Porphyry!' shouted a hundred anxious voices. + +"'Porphyry! Porphyry!' was echoed in every cell. + +"'Here, my friends!' I exclaimed, as loudly as my feebleness would +allow. + +"'That is him!' they all cried. + +"'I know his voice among a thousand,' said one; 'and I am certain it +came from within this chamber.' + +"'Down with the door!' shouted others. + +"In a moment a thousand hammers seemed to be vigorously driven against +the door. The men cheered each other on in the labour: each exerted +all his force; and in a few seconds the heavy bolts were shivered to +splinters, and, with a piercing hurra! a crowd of eager friends burst +into the cell. As soon as they saw my condition, their hearts were +filled with commiseration. + +"'It isn't a place to turn a dog in,' said one, indignantly. + +"'The miscreants!' muttered another. + +"'Look at these terrible chains!' cried a third. + +"'The tyrants!' exclaimed several. + +"'Let us carry him from this miserable hole; he is too weak to move,' +said a man whom I had befriended. + +"'I will bear a hand: he rescued me from a prison!' exclaimed one. + +"'And I: he saved me from ruin,' shouted another. And by these grateful +creatures I was carefully carried into the open air, with my chains +still about me, and in the wretched plight in which I had been found; +where, on being shown to the multitudes of armed citizens that thronged +the streets, I was received with shouts of triumph mingled with +imprecations on my oppressors; and, accompanied by an escort of a +hundred thousand men, I was conveyed in safety to my own house; my +chains were taken off; and the most skilful physicians being immediately +in attendance, I rapidly recovered to my usual state of health. + +"I ascertained that, as soon as my seizure became known, the church +bells were rung to arms, the stones in the streets were torn up, and +barricades, which served to block up the thoroughfare from the advance +of horse, and as intrenchments from which a galling fire could be poured +upon the approaching troops, were formed across the streets. The first +day, although there was great slaughter on both sides, no important +advantage was gained by either party; and at night the soldiery remained +under arms, and the people were busily employed in preparing to renew +the conflict. Leaders were appointed of tens, of hundreds, and of +thousands; and the grand point of attack was the arsenal and the +ammunition magazines; while, at the same time, the military were kept +sufficiently employed at all the posts they occupied. After a most +obstinate resistance, the arsenal was carried; and the arms there found +soon obtained owners willing to use them. Ammunition was acquired in +a similar manner; and the result of these attacks gave to the popular +cause a vast accession of strength. The barracks of the military, and +the prison in which political offenders were incarcerated, were next +sought out. The object of the attack on the former was to harass the +soldiery as much as possible; and the aim of the latter was to find +out my concealment, for the purpose of effecting my liberation. It was +impossible to exceed the enthusiasm of the people when approaching the +places where they imagined I was confined. They shouted my name, and +rushed through the thickest fire with a valour that nothing could +resist. Many of the prisons were pulled down after a fruitless search +for the object they sought; and then they proceeded from these to +others, till the day was spent. It was found impossible to approach the +palace, as a chain of posts was established all round it, supported by +an immense strength of artillery and powerful bodies of horse and foot, +from which the citizens had been several times repulsed during the day; +but at night, when the tired soldiery were endeavouring to snatch +that repose which two days' constant fighting rendered necessary, a +simultaneous attack was made at every available point by a countless +myriad of armed citizens; and, although they obtained possession of many +pieces of cannon, after fighting desperately till daybreak, they found +themselves compelled to retreat, with very considerable loss. After +this, it was resolved to draw a line of strong intrenchments round this +chain of posts, so as to prevent any communication or supplies reaching +them from other parts of the city, or from the surrounding country, and +then to crush in detail the resistance that might be offered at other +positions; and this plan was being put in practice when my concealment +was discovered, and I was set at liberty. + +"The knowledge of the treatment I had received, while it inflamed the +hearts of my countrymen, created for me even a more powerful sympathy +than I had previously excited. As soon as I was able to attend to what +was going forward, the leading men of the movement waited upon me, and +communicated all that had transpired since my imprisonment; and, after +assuring me that the enemy must surrender in a few days, or, if they +moved from their position, be cut to pieces, they stated that they +were commissioned by the people to offer me the chief authority of the +nation, under whatever name or character I should judge most beneficial +to the state. I need scarcely add that I refused the flattering gift. +I did more; I told them the many attempts the late Emperor had made to +force on me his distinctions, and their result. I told them that my +object had been to live as a private individual, endeavouring to effect +among my fellow men as much good as I had the power to create; that +I had lived happily as one of themselves, and, as one of themselves, +I wished happily to die. I told them that, as far as my advice and +assistance could tend to their advantage, they might always command +them. I endeavoured to prove to them the danger of changing the form +of government, without being prepared with a better; and strived to +convince them that it was much more to the interest of humanity, and to +the advantage of the citizens, not to drive to desperation the powerful +army still remaining, to which they were opposed; but, with the +superiority they possessed, to attempt to bring about an adjustment of +the quarrel between the government and the people, on such terms as +should leave the latter nothing to desire, and the former no power to +tyrannise. + +"My suggestions were not received with the cordiality which they +deserved. The deputation talked of the merciless slaughter of the +citizens--the cruelty that had been exercised upon me--and the necessity +of making an example of the offenders. I answered, that it would only +be treading in the steps of our oppressors by desiring vengeance for +injuries--that those who had been wronged could receive no benefit by +the death of those who had injured them--that the evils the government +had committed could not be remedied by their destruction--and that +it was the most unwise policy a community could follow, to punish +an offence that had been committed by taking a life, for it made it +impossible that the offender should ever make amends to society for the +mischief done. 'Prevent as effectively as possible,' said I, 'the evil +doer from repeating a wrong, and let him, by the exercise of virtuous +inclinations among the community, outweigh the evil he has effected, +and you will do more good than has been done by punishment since the +creation of the world.' + +"I regretted to observe a disinclination to follow my advice. The hearts +of my companions seemed filled with resentment, and their minds with +prejudice. Again they pressed on me the offers of the people, and again +I refused; and then they took their leave of me, expressing their +intention of acquainting the citizens with my resolution. I was most +anxiously desirous that the warfare should terminate; and, knowing that +the time was opportune for exacting the most favourable conditions +for the nation from the government, I was eager to bring about an +accommodation. The mass of my countrymen I found too much heated by +the conflict to listen with a proper feeling to the peaceful measures +it was my aim to accomplish. Arms were still in their hands, and the +blood of their friends still stained the public streets. I published my +sentiments among them in the most convincing form of which I was master; +and, in addition to the opinions I have already stated, I offered, if +they would intrust me with the office, to act as mediator, having +powers to effect an arrangement between the contending parties on such +conditions as would secure the liberties of the people on the most firm +and enlarged basis, and reduce the influence of the crown to an extent +which would not be dangerous to the community. + +"Five days had elapsed since the contest commenced; and the troops were +hemmed in around the palace, deprived of sufficient provisions, and +harassed in every way that the valour and ingenuity of the citizens +could devise. The ministers had now become as humble as they had before +been intolerant. They attempted to bring about a reconciliation. They +offered largely, and promised more. There they were, in the midst of +sixty thousand picked men, trembling for the consequences of their own +misgovernment; for they saw that the whole country was in the hands of +the citizens, and that it would be impossible much longer to continue a +resistance. Hitherto all their efforts at accommodation had been treated +with studied indifference; but, having succeeded in procuring from the +people the office I desired, I immediately set about communicating with +the government the only terms upon which peace could be restored; and +these were, that the ministers by whom the Emperor had been advised in +his late measures should be banished from the court--never again to +exert any authority over the people--and that half their estates should +be confiscated to the relations of those who had perished in the +conflict--that the Emperor should grant a charter to the people, by +which all the privileges of freemen--right of opinion--liberty of +conscience--a perfect representation of the popular will--unshackled +trade--a liberal patronage of genius and industry--and the abolition of +oppressive taxes and undeserved pensions should be preserved to them +and their posterity for ever--that a standing army, beyond what was +necessary to maintain security from foreign invasion, should no longer +exist--and that no attempt should be made by the Crown either to punish +any citizen who had assisted in the late struggle, or to repossess +itself of the power which had been found so dangerous to the welfare of +the people. + +"I suppose these conditions seemed hard; for some days elapsed, and +frequent attempts were made to have them rendered more agreeable. Not +only did I refuse to alter them in the slightest degree, but I at last +gave them four and twenty hours for consideration, at which time, if +they were not accepted, I stated that I should insist upon unconditional +surrender. Before the day was over, the conditions were agreed to--the +charter signed and sworn to by the Emperor, in the presence of an almost +countless multitude of citizens--the ministers, among whom, of course, +was that unpitying man, Philadelphia, were banished from the city; +half their estates were confiscated, and a new and more liberal +administration chosen in their place--and, as the intelligence extended +from one end of this mighty empire to the other, nothing was heard but +sounds of congratulation and gladness, of thankfulness for the past, and +hope for the future. All that I had desired was accomplished. The marks +of the recent strife were soon erased. The citizens, returning to their +social duties, ceased to think of the wounds they had received and +inflicted; and all the blessings of peace began to flow in their +accustomed channels. Had the struggle continued with the design of +overpowering all opposition, and changing the form of government, the +war would have been resumed in the provinces; might have been prolonged +from father to son in efforts to restore the fallen dynasty; and, as a +change, when attempted in a settled form of government, always produces +an unsettled state of the public mind, the country would have been +continually disturbed, and the happiness of the people rendered +exceedingly insecure. + +"All Columbia are satisfied with my exertions: they acknowledge the +worth of what I have done. Even the Emperor seems desirous of paying me +attention; and, although I have not much faith in his sincerity, his +conduct serves to keep up the harmony which prevails. And, by my refusal +to accept power at the expense of the happiness of my fellow-citizens, I +have now the gratification of seeing the country prosperous, the people +enjoying a greater degree of liberty than they have known for centuries, +and the whole population vying with each other to show their estimation +of my services. There is one thing that gives me peculiar satisfaction; +and that is, your absence from the country at this eventful period. I +know that, had you been here, your impetuous spirit would have hurried +you into every wild and rash undertaking, and that you would have +effected more mischief in a day than I should ever have been enabled to +efface. Proceed with your voyage, Oriel, and when you return you will +have reason to rejoice at the change which has been produced during your +absence." + +Oriel Porphyry had read the preceding communication with intense +interest; every moment stopping to regret that he should have been so +far away at a period so important. + +"Oh, had I but been there!" he exclaimed at the conclusion. "Here is a +golden opportunity lost! The very moment for which I have so anxiously +looked has escaped me. The great battle has been fought, and I not in +the field. Surely, such a disappointment is enough to make one curse +one's destiny. My father's notions are too chimerical. He is good--ay, +the very best among the good; but his spirit is not young enough for the +age. He should have crushed the hydra when he had it at his feet. Had +I but been there! He will find, too late, that it is no use patching +things that are radically bad: they cannot be mended; they are worn +out, rotten, and useless. And that proud tyrant to have used him so +inhumanly! Had I but been there! What a field there was for exertion, +what splendid opportunities for daring valour! Perhaps a body of two +hundred thousand armed citizens, all eager, all desperate, wanting only +a leader to make them irresistible. Oh, this wretched fate, that kept me +here like an inactive slave, while glory is to be won by a mere effort! +And he was offered the supreme authority, and refused it? Noble, but +unwise. He could confer more good on the people in a year than this +thing, called an Emperor, can effect during the whole of his useless +existence. Now the time is gone. The renown after which I yearn, the +distinction and the power, would have been mine, had I been in the place +where it might have been acquired. Had I but been there! How long am +I to carry on this profitless existence? How long must I be forced to +stifle my own energies, and live, from day to day, in the same dull +round of inactivity? Must the wings of that spirit, that soars so far +above the unambitious herd, still continue to be pinioned, leaving me +to crawl upon the earth, following out the same ignoble purposes as +those around me? Oh, deplorable fate! The rock to which Prometheus was +chained, and the bird that pierced his vitals, are but types of the +barrenness of my prospects, and the disappointed hopes that prey upon my +peace. Oh, wretched destiny! The thirst with which Tantalus was devoured +was a blessing, compared with the curse with which I am tormented. +Eureka! Eureka! The greatness I have desired so earnestly, to make me +more worthy of your excellence, has been waiting for my eager grasp, +while I was far, far from its reach. Oh, had I but been there!" + + + + +CHAP. VI. + +CHINA, ITS LAWS, CUSTOMS, AND PEOPLE. + + +The Albatross was just entering the Chinese sea, and making way in +gallant style through the heavy waves. Her crew were numerous, and of +picked men, chosen at the different ports at which the ship had touched +since her departure from the pirates' haunt on the Madagascar coast, by +the experienced judgment of Captain Hearty. Several promotions had taken +place among the old hands. Climberkin, who had distinguished himself on +many occasions as a brave and skilful seaman, became second in command. +Boggle, though liable to confuse his understanding with abstract +speculations, was always to be depended upon in an emergency, and was +honest, persevering, and well acquainted with the management of a +ship at sea, and he was made second lieutenant. Loop was created a +midshipman. Oriel Porphyry had offered to settle Ardent in comfortable +circumstances in his native country; but he stated that having lost all +that made dear to him the land of his birth, and having found so many +kind friends on board the Albatross, he should prefer remaining in the +vessel in any capacity in which he could be of service, and as he was +known to be well qualified for the office, to him were assigned the +duties of purser and captain's clerk. As for Roly Poly, the offer of an +empire would not have induced him to resign the custody of the roast and +boiled; and he therefore continued absolute and undisputed sovereign +of the cook-house. He seemed to be getting fatter every day. His back +appeared to bend beneath the load of flesh it carried, and his huge +black cheeks had become so large as to threaten to close up his eyes. To +gain his good opinion, nothing was necessary but to praise his cookery; +but as soon as any poor fellow attempted to find fault with the viands, +or the way in which they were dressed, the abuse he received for what +was considered his presumption and ignorance, made him glad to make his +peace with the indignant cook upon any terms. For all this Roly Poly +was held in much estimation by his shipmates. The important service he +rendered with his mop was not forgotten; and though he was continually +relating in a manner peculiarly his own, the way in which he had +served out "dat ignorant jackmorass who sulted him by telling diclus +impossumbilities," the story was invariably received with the same +hearty laugh and boisterous praise that marked the first hearing. + +Although the manners of Captain Hearty and his officers were rather +unpolished, the education which was common to all Columbians, and the +experience they had gained in their profession, made them perfectly +qualified to fulfil the duties they had undertaken; and the ship was +as skilfully navigated, as if under the superintendence of the most +gentlemanly officers in the service. As has before been stated, the +commercial character of the Albatross had been changed by skilful hands +for one of a more threatening aspect, nor was the alteration at all +displeasing to the taste of Oriel. The only pleasure he seemed to enjoy +with any zest, was in seeing the men exercised at the guns, practising +at a mark, or engaged in improving themselves in the use of the +broadsword; and in these pursuits he would join with intense interest, +encouraging those who seemed anxious to excel, and rewarding those who +evinced the most skill. His satisfaction at the arming of the vessel +was increased when he considered the possibility of being attacked +by pirates in the different seas that lay in the ship's course, who +might easily, as Captain Death and his associates had done, have made +themselves masters of the Albatross; but who would now find it a matter +very difficult to be accomplished. + +"Come Zabra, I am plagued to death by my own thoughts. Cheer me with a +song:" said Oriel Porphyry to his young friend as they sat together in +the cabin. + +"That you shall have, Oriel," replied the handsome musician, as his hand +ran lightly over the chords of the harp; "and I will try to humour your +martial feelings to keep you in good temper with yourself. Listen to + + +"THE SONG OF THE HERO TO HIS SWORD. + + "'FOE SMITER! To the light thy blade I draw, + To gaze enraptured on thy glitt'ring sheen: + I see thee still, thou gem without a flaw! + Sharp, strong, and shining, as thou'st ever been + Since that proud day when first the spoilers came, + Reddening my own fair land with blood and flame, + With vig'rous arm I pluck'd thee from thy sheath, + And made thee drink the crimson draught of death! + + "'DEATH DEALER! Here I have thee once again! + I see thy fatal lightning flashing near, + As round me rise the spirits of the slain, + And the dark shadows, shudd'ring, disappear. + Who ever stood unscathed before thy path? + Who ever lived to babble of thy wrath? + Annihilation must thy deeds proclaim, + And conquest grant thy memory to fame! + + "'FAME WINNER! Let me grasp thee firmer yet; + New fields are to be fought, new foes to dare; + I must have glory ere the sun hath set; + I yearn new triumphs, noble spoils to share. + See where th' insulting enemy advance! + And as they come, with dark and scornful glance, + Waving thy brilliant steel I seek the fray, + And pierce the quiv'ring flesh that stops my way!'" + +"By all that's glorious, 'tis a noble strain!" exclaimed Oriel, while +his brilliant eyes flashed with excitement; "a strain fit to stir the +heart to noble deeds. I feel my soul thrilled with an heroic spirit that +would do battle even with the fierce enemy--Death! Give me a fair field +and a good cause--a band of warlike brothers moved by the same mighty +impulse as that by which I am now excited--and let us have fit weapons +and enough of them, and we would sweep the oppressors of the world from +the earth, like rotten reeds before a whirlwind. Wisely did the ancients +honour their bards above all human greatness. Well was it that they +gave them precedence and dignity and wealth in abundance--the gold +chain round the neck, and the seat of honour near the throne. If they +possessed but the power you have evinced, they were worthy of the first +place and the richest gifts: for they must have been the leading spirits +of the age--the movers of armies--the winners of triumph. What nature, +with the common energies of manhood, could resist such a stimulus? +Stone walls, the crushing iron, and the penetrating steel--would these +be as obstacles in its way? Straws! Had I lived in those days, the +leader of a warlike generation, and heard a song such as you have sung, +I should have felt inclined to have exalted the bard above my own +dignity, knowing that his influence upon the dispositions over which I +ruled could be rendered far more effective for the purposes that gave +me supremacy, than my own." + +"I expected it would move you in some measure," said Zabra, gazing with +affectionate interest upon the flushed cheek of his patron. + +"Move me! would a mælstrom move me?" cried the young merchant. "It seems +to have stirred the sluggish blood in every hidden vein and artery. My +brain throbs as if it would move up the scalp in which it is confined, +and the pulsations of my heart appear to have acquired the action of a +boiling torrent." + +"I am afraid I have done mischief," observed the musician anxiously; "I +did not count upon producing so violent an effect. Let me undo the evil +I have created by singing to you some lyric of an opposite tendency." + +"Where got you this power?" asked his companion, fixing a searching +glance upon the lustrous eyes before him. "By what means gained you +the rare art which you practise with such wondrous effect? Your's is no +common skill for the ignorant to admire; it is an influence which the +most tutored in worldly wisdom must feel and worship. You never could +have gained it while employed in the laborious idleness of a page. You +are too young to have acquired it by study. What mystery is this you +have gathered around you which gives you such a mastery over the +affections of your associates?" + +A slight tremor passed over the graceful form of the young musician: his +eyes shrunk before the earnest gaze of Oriel Porphyry, and, shaded by +their long dark lashes, were fixed upon the floor. + +"I will tell you;" said he at length. "Although great care was taken +with my education, from a very early age I was left much to my own +inclinations; and being gifted with an extraordinary love for knowledge, +and a rare facility in its acquirement, and a powerful tendency towards +that knowledge which was most ennobling, I rapidly obtained a degree +of intelligence which was rarely found even in a more mature period of +life. There were two particular objects of study to which I for years +dedicated an intense degree of attention: these were music and poetry. +Music was a source of the most exquisite gratification to me at all +times, and I applied diligently to make myself master of all its +difficulties. In this, after constant application, superintended +by the best masters, I succeeded, so as to be able to create at +pleasure any effect I was desirous of producing. In the study of +poetry I had no teachers, excepting the only teacher capable of giving +instruction--Nature. I went amid the stir of leaves in the heart of the +primeval forest; I stood beneath the dazzling glances of the countless +eyes of heaven; I looked down upon the waters of the great deep, till +I knew how to interpret its mighty voices; and the whisper of the wind +to the blushing flower became to me a lesson full of an exquisite and +impressive eloquence. There was not a sound in the air--a light upon +the skies--a splendour on the earth--or a motion in the sea, that did +not assist me in my study; for there were beauty and truth and power; +and these are the constituents of all natural poetry. But there was +something still wanting to breathe the spirit of life into the new +conceptions that had been created in my nature. This I found; and +from that time there has been a gladness in what I knew, and a purpose +in what I did. Now let me remove the too powerful impression I have +produced, by something more in accordance with my own sympathies. You +shall hear 'The Poet's Song to his Mistress.'" + +A symphony, full of the most touching interest, preceded a melody so +impassioned, yet so sweet in its expression, and harmonised in so +rich and masterly a manner, that the young merchant had soon all his +faculties engaged in deep and earnest attention. + + "That I should love thee is not strange, + For excellence doth love create; + But that my love should die or change + Can never be--'tis not in Fate: + For as thy worth, in heaven's bright view, + Must ever hold its glorious stature; + Shall not that bliss which from it grew + Partake of its immortal nature? + + "Nor can exist a taint of schism + In these fond feelings thou hast made; + For, like the colours in the prism, + They cannot change, they never fade. + Thus is it, then, sweet friend! my love + From thy fond worth Time ne'er can sever; + And must a natural goodness prove: + Things made from gold are sterling ever." + +At the conclusion of this song, which Zabra sang with a thrilling pathos +which must have reached the heart of his auditor, the two friends were +interrupted by a message from the captain, to acquaint Oriel that a +pilot had come on board to conduct the vessel up the river to Canton; +and that if he wished to observe the Chinese coast, there was now an +excellent opportunity. All thought of poetry and music seemed forgotten +for the time; for the musician and the young merchant immediately +hastened upon deck. + +The Albatross was passing Macao, and steering her course towards +Whampoa; and a group were on the quarter-deck noticing the appearance of +the country, the junks and other strange vessels they were passing, and +making observations upon what they saw. + +"We are approaching a people," said Fortyfolios, "who, if they are not +the most ancient that exist, lay claim to an antiquity of which few +could boast. They are the most extraordinary race on the globe, and the +most unchangeable in their habits. Though they preceded the rest of the +world in the march of civilisation; though they invented the arts of +printing, and of manufacturing silk fabrics and porcelain goods; though +they discovered the composition of gunpowder and the use of the magnetic +compass; they have never progressed beyond these advances. Thousands +of years have passed--nations that were not then in existence, in +intelligence have left them far behind--and still they remain exactly +as they were, and are not only indifferent to the improvements around +them, but look upon all other nations as barbarians unworthy of their +association. In vain have they been conquered: conquest could make no +change in their habits or opinions. Among the most celebrated of their +masters were the Manchews, a people doubtless so called from their +attachment to cannibalism, by whom they were held in subjection for +several centuries; and the English, who made a conquest of their empire +when in the zenith of their greatness. Their subjugation by the latter +was caused by their own pride and insolence. The Chinese were so +impressed with an opinion of their own superior greatness, that they +behaved to all foreigners who visited their shores for the purposes of +traffic with humiliating insolence. They were only allowed to trade +at one port, their merchandise was subjected to the most arbitrary +duties, and their merchants were treated with every kind of insult. +This was borne for a considerable period by the mercantile world, in +consideration of the importance of their commerce, and the impossibility +of finding their exports in other countries. But toleration only +increased the audacity of the Chinese authorities. They proceeded to +acts of violence: several vessels were plundered, and their crews were +murdered, or carried away, and never heard of after. At last the +English, having endured this treatment without being able to procure the +slightest redress, determined on retaliation. From their possessions in +India they invaded the Chinese territory with a powerful army, and at +the same time ravaged their coasts with a naval armament that destroyed +their shipping, plundered their towns, and laid their defences in ashes. +The Chinese, as cowardly as they had been insolent, though possessed +of an immense population and extraordinary resources, made but a feeble +resistance, and were glad to purchase peace upon any terms they could +make; but the English had discovered the weakness of their enemy, and +had not forgotten the oppressions they had endured, and did not desist +from the conflict till they had annexed the mighty empire of China to +their immense dominions in India." + +"All very true," added Tourniquet. "They were ignorant, bigoted, and +slavish, but for all that they were the most prosperous nation under +the sun, don't you see." + +"Their prosperity was occasioned by the laws by which they were +governed," said the professor. "Industry was encouraged. Agriculture was +pursued as the most honourable occupation, as one in which the emperor +delighted; and obedience was inculcated as the first duty of a citizen." + +"But what was the spirit of their laws?" inquired Oriel Porphyry. + +"Every father of a family was despotic in his own household: the emperor +was regarded by his subjects with the same reverence that a family +looked up to its domestic ruler; and an offence against the monarch was +punished in a similar manner as an offence against the parent;" replied +Fortyfolios. + +"I can imagine no state of things so arbitrary and so contrary to common +sense, don't you see;" observed the doctor. "By such a law, whether a +man be a drunkard or a profligate, a fool or a knave, he has unlimited +supremacy over his offspring; he can punish with death when he pleases, +and the poor wretches who acknowledge his relationship, dare not murmur. +He is a father; and fatherhood, like charity, covereth a multitude of +sins. There is nothing so ridiculous as this notion. No individual in +the great family of nature is entitled to the slightest respect, unless +he is respectable in his conduct. All relationship is an accident. A +father has no right to the obedience of his child, because he is his +father: that can only be the most absurd of claims; for he produced the +child to please himself, and at the time could have no sympathy towards +an object that was not in existence." + +"That cannot be disputed;" replied the professor. "But I must maintain, +that obedience in a child, to a reasonable extent, ought to exist as a +natural consequence of the care and anxiety of parentage." + +"Granted, with the limitations;" said the surgeon. "When a father brings +up his child with a proper affection, affection from the offspring +ought to be expected; but in no case has the parent a right to implicit +obedience, unless he has so acted, and the law he wishes to make +absolute is such as will not affect the welfare of the child. In many +instances the son possesses more intelligence than the father; and +yet, if parental subjugation were allowed, the wise must be held in +subjection by the opinion of the ignorant." + +"I should imagine such a form of government likely to be very ancient;" +observed Oriel. + +"It is unquestionably of great antiquity, and derived from the +patriarchal ages, when the oldest member of the family held supreme +authority over the rest;" responded Fortyfolios. + +"About as much as the ocean has originated from the drops of rain that +fell from the sky, don't you see;" added the doctor. + +"I maintain that the progenitors of the Chinese were a nomadic race;" +said the professor rather sharply. + +"Granted; and what then?" inquired the surgeon, in his usual +good-humoured manner. + +"That they were a collection of single families," continued +Fortyfolios. + +"So are all nations at the present time, don't you see;" remarked the +doctor. + +"Not in the manner which existed at the age to which I allude;" rejoined +his antagonist. "Every man dwelt in his own tent, surrounded by his +children and his children's children, and wandered with his herds and +flocks, to wherever he could find them sufficient pasturage. He governed +as a monarch with power of life and death, and the rules he found +necessary to preserve his government he transmitted to his successor; +till, the family increasing, it was found necessary that they should +separate into distinct divisions, each having its own father or ruler, +and, residing for mutual protection near each other, they constituted +tribes. The rules, which the experience of the first father had found +necessary for maintaining his authority, had been conveyed with +modifications and additions through his successors, till they became +possessed by the elders of the tribe, in whom all wisdom and government +resided; until the increase of their numbers, and the want of sufficient +accommodation, induced them to invade the more desirable territory of +other tribes; and then it was that he who distinguished himself most +in this warfare obtained supremacy over the rest, and having conquered +other tribes, and rendered himself by his superior bravery the object of +fear and admiration, he became king of all the people who acknowledged +his rule, and governed them by the laws that had existed previously in +his own particular family or tribe." + +"A very plausible hypothesis, but nothing more, don't you see;" replied +the doctor. "Doubtless all societies originated in one family, the +supreme head of which did what he thought fit; but I doubt much whether +he exercised such an authority as could sacrifice a life for an offence +real or imaginary; or created any code of laws for the government of +his relations. He did only what he thought necessary for the time; +and whether that constituted a precedent or not, it is not easy to +determine. The punishment which would be necessary at one time, might +not be thought necessary at another, don't you see. Where the judge is +absolute, and has no constitution to guide him, it is the mood in which +he may be when called upon to judge, that makes the sentence severe or +mild; and every judge, being independent of any higher authority, and +liable to act from prejudice or partiality, would create nothing but +inconsistent decisions, which could never be tolerated as a code +of laws. It is opinion that creates law. The heterogeneous mass of +absurdities that the few promulgate to hold the many in subjection would +not be tolerated except in a state of perfect slavery. Where there +is any intelligence among the people, and intelligence must make its +appearance sooner or later, every law that is found existing passes the +ordeal of public opinion, and if it be unwise or unjust, it will not be +regarded or its abrogation will be enforced. The multitude have a better +notion of the difference between right and wrong, than is generally +supposed; and nothing is so productive of a clearness of distinction in +these things among the people than a proper simplicity and applicability +of the laws by which they are governed. It is intelligence that produces +opinion, don't you see--and opinion that creates law--and law cannot +long exist in opposition to opinion." + +While the disputants were intently engaged in their argument, Oriel +Porphyry and Zabra had walked to another part of the deck, where the +captain and his lieutenant were giving orders about the management of +the vessel. + +"Fine old country, this, captain;" said the young merchant. + +"Yes, sir," replied Hearty: "fine old country, certainly. They do say +it's as old as Methusalem; but I never was in sight o' that coast, +therefore can't say what difference there may be between 'em." + +"You have been in this part of the world before, I should suppose?" +inquired Oriel. + +"Many times," responded the old man: "I knows the place well. I've been +afloat ever since I was a small craft as could hardly steer without +capsizing; and there arn't many seas in the world as I haven't been +over. John Chinaman and I are 'ticular acquaintances, because I've seen +a good deal on him. He's rather smart in his own notions o' himself, +but he makes a good reefer when aboard, and he'll carry like a steam +engine when ashore. Often when I've landed at this port from one or +other o' your father's ships, I've seen him bearing sich loads as 'ould +make a horse's back bone unkimmen ticklish. We're enterin' the river +now; and after sailing a few points west of north, we shall be nigh upon +the first bar, from whence we must steer due west to Whampoa, where we +shall cast anchor. You'll have then to go about ten miles to the +Factories, to which you must proceed in boats." + +"What strange looking ships these are;" remarked Zabra, pointing to +several vessels they were passing. + +"Ay, they are very queer shaped craft," said the captain. "But John +Chinaman's no great shakes at ship-buildin', although he thinks he's +wonderful. Look at that heavy lumbering junk. She looks like a great +thick-headed old muff, as does'n't know his helm from his taffrail. The +Albatross would take the conceit out o' her in no time. And look at +these here outlandish looking barges--there's no sense in 'em." + +"The country has rather an interesting character;" observed Oriel. + +"It's all accordin' to taste," replied Hearty. + +"These here islands o' sand ar'nt 'ticularly lovely to my thinking; and +I can't abide the ugliness o' the craft." + +"In what manner do these people now behave to foreigners?" inquired +Zabra. + +"Why it ar'nt quite so bad as what I've read on in ancient history;" +said the captain. "They've had a sick'ner for coming that sort o' fun; +but they coil up their noses pretty stiffish even now. They allow +travellers to wander about and examine their notables, which they did'nt +use to do; but I should recommend any fellow, who's more nor ordinary +'quisitive, to look out for squalls. I have heard say as people ha' been +missed who was axing their way through the country; and not a spar or a +bolt-rope on 'em ever heard on again." + +"About five years ago I was in this here part o' the world," said +Climberkin, joining in the conversation; "and I had a very narrow escape +o' bein' done for in that fashion. I was bo'sun aboard the Whittington, +a reg'lar tip top merchantman, as Master Porphyry had in the China trade +at that time, and after a wearisome cruise I had been jollificating up +the country with a few mates, when I came alongside as smart a piece o' +China ware as ever I clapped my eyes on. Well, she did'nt understand +none o' my lingo, and I could'nt circumnavigate any o' her'n; but we +had signals flying at our eyes like winkin', and we pretty soon heaved +to, and were yard arm and yard arm, and looked at each other till +all was blue again. I discovered that she belonged to the crew o' a +man-tea-maker's 'stablishment, and got her livin' pretty comfortable, +by alays 'turnin' over a new leaf (though she never did nuffin wrong +to sinnify); and so I thought as how if that was the way o' sailin', +I might bring her to book wi' her own leave, without any botheration +whatsomdever. Just as I was making way in the business, I received a +'munication from one o' my mates, who was up to their lingo, that some +half a dozen o' the Chinamen with whom she 'sociated, were on a reg'lar +take in about my consortin' wi' her, and had entered into a 'spiracy +to nail down the hatches on my goings on. Me and my little frigate were +in the habit o' cruisin' in a grove o' prime timber, by the side o' a +rice field, and it was here-about's that the man-tea-makers thought o' +dishing me as strong as could be; but I took care that they should meet +wi' a mighty difference. After preparin' every thin' as was necessary, +I got my mates to lie in ambush, and began a courtin' a way in a style +as would make the jealousy rise out o' a dead nigger. I had'nt been +long at this here fun, when up comes the whole lot on 'em screechin' +like mad, and they bears down upon me threatenin' the most completest +spiflification as you can imagine. Their eyes flared up most immensely. +Their teeth seemed playing at knives to grind; and they whirled about +monstrous bludgeons that would have made no bones o' me, had I suffered +'em to scrape my acquaintance. My cretur struck her flag and down she +went; but before the teapots came to close quarters, I put my bo'sun's +whistle into play; and pulled out a pair of 'do-for-you's,' as my mates +coming up and showing the same signs o' welcome, surrounded the poor +devils in such a way as they could'nt move no how." + +"And what did you do with your rivals?" inquired Oriel, considerably +amused by the lieutenant's narrative. + +"Why, I'd al'ays heard it recommended to do as you'd be done by," +replied Climberkin; "so we got the sticks from the Chinamen, and took +the flavour out on 'em in a manner as left 'em nuffin to complain of. +But we wern't satisfied with such an act o' justice. You must know that +each o' these tea-dealers has a tail to his head, from two to three feet +long, o' which he is as proud as is a peacock o' his tail, and shaves +all the rest o' his cranium as smooth as glass. Knowin' this, we'd +brought lots o' rosin and twine; and, while some o' our chaps made 'em +lump it if they didn't like it most considerably, we spliced them all +together from the small ends down'ards, for several inches, strong and +tight as a patent cable; then, seeing a tree close at hand with the +loveliest fork possible for our purpose, we hauled 'em up wi' ropes +over the branch till half on 'em hung on one side and half on the +tother, by nuffin in the world but their own precious tails. Didn't they +raise a bit of a shindy! Such howlin', such squallin'--such kickin', +such scratchin'--such a reg'lar rowdy-dow no set o' humans ever made +afore. And there we left 'em, as the ancient poet says, wi' each +partic'lar hair standin' on end, while we crowded all sail to our own +ship." + +"It was rather too bad of you, lieutenant," said the merchant's son, +attempting unsuccessfully to look grave; "and I wonder you did not get +yourself into trouble in consequence." + +"Why it did raise a smartish bit o' a bobbery," replied Climberkin; "but +we all kept so snug aboard, and sailed so soon arter, that not one on us +were diskivered." + +"We shall anchor immediately," said the captain, returning to the group +he had left to speak to the pilot. "Is it your wish, sir, to go ashore?" + +"I must be at Canton without delay," rejoined Oriel Porphyry. + +"Man the galley, and get a boat's crew ready to proceed up the river," +shouted Hearty to the second lieutenant. + +"Ay, ay, sir," was the ready reply; and while the boat was lowered into +the sea, and all her appurtenances provided, Zabra and his patron made +their arrangements for landing on the Chinese territory. + + + + +CHAP. VII. + +A CHINESE POET. + + +In an elegant room, the floor of which was covered with clean white +matting, while the furniture, consisting principally of a divan or sofa, +mirrors, pictures, couches, Japan tables, and large porcelain vases, was +of a superior description, cross-legged on the divan, eating sweetmeats +from a small silver saucer, richly chased, which he held in his hand, +sat a young man, of less than the ordinary stature, with a countenance +that seemed possessed of a perpetual melancholy. He was dressed with the +most studied effect. He wore a robe of dark rich silk, and over it a +vest of delicate blue satin, beautifully figured. Upon his head, which +was shaved, with the exception of a long lock of hair that hung from the +crown over the shoulder, was a small black cap of fine felt, with the +brim turned up, and the crown, of a conical shape, covered with a fringe +of scarlet silk, having a peculiar button in front. Below wide trowsers +were seen stockings of silk, remarkably thin, having their feet cased in +small slippers of embroidered satin; and round his waist was a girdle, +drawn very tight, to which was appended a small gold case, a purse, and +a pouch of silk. Opposite to him sat Oriel Porphyry and Zabra, in their +usual dresses, also eating sweetmeats from similar saucers. + +"What an ineffable felicity I enjoy in being able to speak your +language," observed the young Chinese. + +"I have no doubt you find it an advantage in your communication with +foreigners," replied the merchant's son. + +"An advantage!" exclaimed the other rapturously. "By the great Fo, +'tis the most superlative of enjoyments. I bless the gods that my +mother was an Anglo-Indian, and that she conferred on me the exquisite +gratifications arising from proficiency in the use of her language. +My father passed a great portion of his life in India, and acquired a +facility in its pronunciation which is rarely obtained by a Chinese; so +that I was born with extraordinary advantages." + +"You were fortunate, certainly," added Oriel. + +"Fortunate! By the immaculate tail of Confucius, I was favoured beyond +all experience," cried his host. + +There being nothing more to say on that subject, at least so the young +merchant thought, he inquired--"Your father, I suppose, will be here +shortly?" + +"He is paying his devotions at the neighbouring temple. Long Chi enjoys +a religious reputation, and he loves the society of holy men. But I was +telling you of the indescribable happiness I possess in having acquired +a proficiency in my mother tongue," added Long Chi the younger. "I am +blest with a poetic genius." + +"Indeed!" exclaimed Zabra, with some surprise. + +"Wonderful as it may appear, the fact is what I have stated," replied +the young poet, putting down the silver saucer on a small japanned table +before him, and opening the pouch at his side, from which he took a +bundle of papers. "I may say that my compositions have attracted an +extraordinary degree of attention in the world of letters. They are +considered phenomena in literature, I assure you. Do not imagine I wish +to overrate their value. I should not think of such a thing for the +thousandth part of a moment; and to prove this to you, allow me to +enrapture you with some of my effusions." + +"Certainly," said Oriel, expecting at least to be amused. + +"The effort of a profound sublimity I am about to breathe into your +enlightened ears, you will have the intellectual discrimination to +observe, is a perfect specimen of the true Anglian pastoral," remarked +Long Chi. "It has been created by that etherial sense of delicious +enjoyment which your ancient poets called love. She for whose immaculate +glorification it was called into existence, is a combination of +miraculous excellencies--an incarnation of inconceivable perfections; +and therefore your superior sagacities must not deem it at all more than +ordinary extraordinary, if the merits of this indestructible conception +fill you with a ravishing amazement." + +"From what you have said I should expect something particularly clever," +observed Zabra, evidently considerably amused by the poet's phraseology. + +"Clever!" exclaimed the young Chinese, with emphatic fervour. "By the +great Fo you will find it supernaturally perfect." Then arranging a +rumple in his vest, and taking a glance of satisfaction at the +reflection of his person in a large mirror beside him, with a slow and +careful enunciation of each word, and a peculiar wave of the hand to +mark the measure, the melancholy poet read the following verses:-- + + "Have you seen my Fee Fo Fum, + Tell me did she this way come? + She it is of whom I speak + Hath a pink on either cheek; + In the middle of her face + Is a flower of nameless grace, + Which the name of nose hath known, + And blooms the brightest when 'tis blown. + And her eyes are garden plots + Filled with young forget-me-nots, + That by lovers' eyes are found + Flow'ring all the seasons round. + Shepherds did she this way come? + Have you seen my Fee Fo Fum? + + "If below her nose you look, + There's a little rosy nook; + Two twin buds half open ask, + Smiling, for some fondling task, + While within, in each row, + The lilies of the valley grow. + Just beneath them both begins + The blossom of the best of chins; + Fair and round, and smooth as silk, + And like a peach fresh bathed in milk. + Shepherds, did she this way come? + Have you seen my Fee Fo Fum? + + "Breast of mutton, breast of veal, + All your merits now conceal; + What can ye afford to taste + Half so pleasant, half so chaste, + As the dainty bits that lie + Hid from epicurean eye? + What to them compared are ye, + Calipash and calipee? + Go! the sweeter flesh I've known + Wants no sauce to coax it down. + Shepherds, did she this way come? + Have you seen my Fee Fo Fum? + + "She of whom I'm in pursuit + Hath to these a foot 'to boot;' + Such a foot! 'tis like a rose, + Budding out with five small toes. + Calf's foot, likened as a treat, + To a jelly it would beat: + She hath two--but my regard + Makes each foot excel a yard-- + Go any lengths it might reveal, + Save when she turns upon her heel. + Shepherds, did she this way come? + Have you seen my Fee Fo Fum?" + +"It certainly is a superlative composition," remarked Zabra, attempting +to conceal a laugh. + +"I can safely say I never heard any thing like it," added Oriel in a +similar tone. + +"I entertained an incipient conviction that you would find it +marvellously admirable," replied the poet, elevating his head, and +stroking his mustachios. "'Tis ineffably divine, is it not?" + +"Beautiful!" exclaimed both, looking at each other with a smile of +peculiar meaning. + +"Beautiful!" echoed Long Chi, raising his voice and eyebrows. "By the +invulnerable tail of Confucius, 'tis something for which a name cannot +be found. But exquisitely perfect as it may be, here is a production +that excels it in the very unapproachableness of its excellence." + +While the two friends listened with admirable patience, the young +Chinese unfolded another paper, and read with the same gravity these +lines:-- + + "When first we met 'twas in the spring, + When dicky birds begin to sing, + When nature dishes up her greens + To make removes for rural scenes; + And teaches, with unaltered brows, + When trees take leaf, to make their boughs; + Then first I met thee passing by, + Then first I had thee--in my eye. + + "When next we met 'twas summer time, + When trees, well loaded, seemed to prime; + And other plants just taking root, + Meaning no harm, began to shoot; + When beans their hollow 'shells' would doff, + And marrow fats were going off; + Then first our hearts were growing warm, + Then first I had thee--arm in arm. + + "'Twas autumn when we met again, + When sunshine parched the peas and plain; + When plums are blooming on the wall, + And into flour would gladly fall; + When apples are to fritters torn, + And earth's square feet feel many a corn: + Then first did I forget my fears, + Then first I had thee--box my ears. + + "I saw thee last when winter, nice + In eating, loves to have his ice; + When 'cold without' comes near and far, + And all his sweetmeats frosted are, + To ballot when the white balls roll + Unask'd for, hastening to the poll: + Then first I 'broke the ice,' and then + Was I the happiest of men." + +"That exceeds the last certainly," said Oriel Porphyry, amused with the +perfect gravity with which the poet read his verses. + +"It appears to me quite a new style of poetry," remarked Zabra, with as +much seriousness as he could assume. + +"Unquestionably! it is novel in the novelest degree," replied Long Chi, +smiling with all the graciousness of gratified vanity. "I may with the +most complete justice lay claim to be the origin in which originated its +originality. I have studied sublimity. By the great Fo, I may say that; +and I have found the sublime in every individual natural thing that is +in nature; but in cookery and confectionary it predominates, as must be +evident to the inquisitive investigation of any man of taste. It is the +opinion of the most discriminative judges, that no writer of serious +poetry can compete with me." + +"In that opinion every one must coincide," observed Zabra. + +"There can be no question on the subject," added Oriel. + +"Who shall say you are barbarians, when you exhibit such a superabundant +knowledge of the beautiful?" exclaimed the Chinese, with all the energy +he could assume. "I am immeasurably enraptured to notice such an +admirable judgment; and, as an additional proof of the satisfaction +I receive from your friendly attention, I will still, to a much more +infinite extent, delight your auditory nerves with one of the most +serious of my efforts in serious poetry. Mark the true sublime; mark it +well, and see how splendidly it agrees with the magnificent subject. It +is an ode to a sugarplum." + +The poet unfolded another paper; and the young merchant shrugged up his +shoulders, as he heard its contents read with the same tone and manner +as its predecessors. + + "How shall I grasp a subject so immense? + No power of human sense, + Not all the vast + Ideas within the Present and the Past-- + Not algebra's most unknown quantity could give the sum + Of greatness in a sugar plum! + + "What with its sweetness can compete? + How much it beats the beet! + Shall manna dare, + Wanting in manners, with it to compare? + And honey's linked sweetness, long drawn out, is all a hum, + 'Tis nothing to a sugar plum! + + "Who can deny the sense of truth + It gives the tongue of youth? + It hath the praise + Of being always candied in its ways, + And stops the carping critic's mouth till he becometh dumb, + Delighted with a sugar plum! + + "Comfit, come fit my mouth, and I + In thy sweet praise will try + My hand at feet, + With anxious aim to make the metre meet, + Till Arabic, or any other diff'rent sort of gum, + Shall water for a sugar plum. + + "Muse, if thy musings can prevail, + I'll at it tooth and nail; + I have no nerves + Of taste for syrups, jellies, or preserves; + Oh, let them go to pot, say I, as so much worthless scum, + They cannot make a sugar plum. + + "Bull's eyes may stick within the shop, + And so may lollapop, + Elecampane + Unsucked within its bottles may remain; + And barley sugar, brandy balls, or even balls of rum, + I'd spurn to get a sugar plum. + + "Plums from the trees I do not find + So plummy to my mind; + Orleans or egg + Unnoticed for my patronage may beg; + And damsons may be da--; ah, I'm in a passion, I say mum, + I'll swear not for a sugar plum." + +"You excel yourself, sir," said Oriel Porphyry, with something of +sarcasm in the tone of his voice, arising, perhaps, from his becoming a +little out of patience. + +"By the unsophisticated tail of Confucius, you may say that," replied +the poet with the same seriousness he had from the first evinced. +"Having, in so unutterable a manner, obtained the precedency of my +promiscuous cotemporaries, I had no alternative but to enter into +competition with myself. That I have to so wonderful an extent exceeded +my own super-excellence, therefore, cannot be considered strange; but, +as you are evidently gratified in a manner perfectly unparalleled by +the unimaginable superiority of my poetic genius, I will show my +consideration of your admirable sagacity by enrapturing you still more +completely by a more transcendental attempt at the sublime;" and the +young Chinese began unfolding another paper. + +"Not now, I'm very much obliged to you," said Oriel, rising as if to +depart. "I have business of importance that requires my immediate +attendance; and, having waited for Long Chi so long, I am afraid I +cannot protract my visit." + +"Not to be ravished by the immortal praises of the adorable Fee Fo Fum?" +exclaimed the melancholy poet in the utmost astonishment. + +"I cannot allow myself that pleasure at present," said the merchant's +son, courteously, yet looking as if he was impatient to be gone. + +"I've written an indestructible epos in fifty cantos, descriptive of all +her beauties, with a due regard of anatomy. I'll read you the whole of +it, if you will stay," added the lover. + +"I'm infinitely thankful; but my time is precious," observed Oriel, +making rapid strides to the door. + +"I will enrapture you with a thousand hexameters declaratory of my +incommunicable affections," shouted the prolific versifier. + +"Good morning to you, Long Chi," exclaimed Oriel Porphyry, as he opened +the door, evidently very desirous of making his escape. He was on the +point of leaving the room, accompanied by Zabra, when he was stopped in +his progress by the appearance of a stout elderly Chinese, wearing the +appearance of profound gravity. No sooner had he entered, than the poet +shuffled his papers hastily into his pouch, jumped off the divan, and +approached the stranger with looks of veneration and awe. + +"Father, here are the barbarians you expected," said he. The ceremony of +introduction was soon over; the two friends returned to their seats; and +old Long Chi, seating himself cross-legged on the divan, commenced a +conversation with his visitors, while his son remained standing beside +him in respectful attention. He was dressed in a fashion somewhat +similar to that of the younger Chinese; but the materials were not so +gay, nor were they formed with so much neatness; and he wore boots +of black satin instead of slippers, and a short cloak of fine cloth +trimmed with fur. + +"I have been sacrificing at the temple, which has detained me longer +than I anticipated," said Long Chi the elder. "But religion is the first +concern of life. Nothing should stand in the way of religion. The Bonzes +are the only teachers of truth; and the worship of Fo is the only way +that leads to virtue." + +Neither Zabra nor his patron attempted to dispute this doctrine. + +"I have been reading, father," falteringly uttered the poet--"I have +been reading----" + +"Hold your tongue, Long Chi," exclaimed his parent sharply. + +"Father, I obey," murmured the obedient youth. + +"Obedience is the first of virtues, and duty to parents the first of all +obedience," remarked the old man, with a tone that seemed to his son +more infallible than the sentence. "Children, obey your parents, saith +our religion; and if they are disobedient we give them a touch of the +bamboo." The poet at this moment looked remarkably grave. "Subjects, +obey your rulers, saith the law; and if we become unruly _we_ get a +touch of the bamboo." And the father looked as grave as his son. + +"That is, I suppose, what is called being bamboo-zled," observed Oriel +Porphyry with a smile. + +"It is no laughing matter to us, I can assure you," added the old man +feelingly; "but it is a fine thing for children. Our religion says, +Spare the bamboo, and spoil the child: and I'm attentive to religion." + +"I wish it said, Spoil the bamboo, and----" + +"Hold your tongue, Long Chi!" thundered out the parent. + +"Father, I obey," tremblingly replied the son. + +"The bastinado is the best thing in the world for children," continued +the elder, frowning upon his offspring. "We are obliged to provide for +their bodies, and it is but proper we should do what we can for their +soles. When a schism occurs in the family, I always punish it in that +way." + +"Then it becomes a sole-cism," added the young man, sorrowfully. + +The old Chinese snatched up a heavy bamboo cane with which he had been +walking, and swung it furiously round his head, with the intention of +dealing a severe blow upon the poet's shoulders, but the lover of +the adorable Fee Fo Fum jumped out of the way with more agility than +submission, and the blow chipped off a corner of the japanned table. + +"Is this the way you show your obedience, you undutiful wretch?" shouted +Long Chi, as he jumped off the divan, in a rage after the offender. +"Where's your religion? Where's your duty to parents? Spare the bamboo +and spoil the child! Come and be bastinadoed, you ungrateful youth!" +So saying, he waddled after his son as rapidly as he could, making +desperate attempts to knock him down; but as Long Chi the younger not +only was not so dutiful as to wait to be bastinadoed, but jumped out of +the way of the blows as fast as they were aimed at him, Long Chi the +elder, much fatigued by his exertions, at last returned to the divan, +after having afforded infinite diversion to his visitors. + +"I wonder the roof doesn't fall in and cover you, you unnatural +offspring!" exclaimed the father, shaking the bamboo at his son, who +stood trembling at a respectful distance; then wiping the perspiration +from his shaven crown, he added, addressing the young friends, and the +poet, by turns, "You are shocked, no doubt, at this instance of youthful +depravity--Oh the graceless scoundrel! to run away from his affectionate +father, who was going to beat him black and blue!--But I am happy to +say, that there are few children in China so indifferent to the mild +virtues of paternal government.--Come here, and let me knock your +undutiful head into a thousand pieces, you vagabond!--It is a sad thing, +I acknowledge, for the father of a family, who is anxious to bring up +a child in the way it should go, to find it so insensible of his +loving-kindness.--Oh, if I had you near enough, I'd smash you into a +custard, you graceless varlet!--but you see a parent's heart is always +overflowing with natural affection for his own flesh and blood.--By the +great Fo, I should be delighted to bastinado you within an inch of your +life!--Religion and morality, in these atheistical times, are thought +nothing of by some children.--Haven't I brought you up, you heathen! on +purpose to knock you down?--But this isn't the worst of it--they have +become rank republicans. They have no proper notion of law, order, or +government. When the father takes to his bamboo, the son takes to his +heels--abominable rebel!--and when one flies in a passion the other +flies in his face--unparalleled traitor!" + +The entrance of servants, announcing that dinner was ready, put an end +to the altercation; and Long Chi the elder, with much suavity, pressed +his visitors to remain his guests for the remainder of the day; which +invitation Oriel Porphyry, imagining that he should be free from all +persecution from the rhyming propensities of his host's son, and +expecting some amusement from the peculiarities of the two, forgot his +engagements, and agreed to prolong his visit. Long Chi the elder then +took one hand of each of his guests in his own and proceeded with them +into a handsome apartment, furnished in a style similar to the one they +had left. In the centre was a small low table, having four seats or +cushions at its sides. The father and son sat opposite each other, +cross-legged: and their visitors sat as comfortably as they could, +facing each other, at the other sides of the table. Before each was +placed three elegant porcelain saucers, one containing soy, another a +small quantity of vinegar, and the other was empty; and, beside these, +were two little ivory sticks. The other part of the table was covered +with similar porcelain saucers, filled with various specimens of Chinese +cookery in fish, flesh, and fowl, cut small; and servants handed round +these with dishes of vegetables, such as cabbages, cucumbers, rice, and +cauliflowers; and pastry of many different kinds, as they were directed +by the host. + +Both Oriel and Zabra watched with considerable surprise the two Chinese +take the little ivory sticks in the three first fingers of the right +hand, and, placing the head forward, and opening the mouth wide, dip +them in the saucers, catching up pieces of flesh, which they flavoured +with the vinegar, and dexterously flinging them into their mouths; and +repeating the process so rapidly, that the eye could scarcely follow +their movements. The guests attempted the same manoeuvres; but, as may +easily be imagined, they were not so successful: for one piece that went +into the mouth, a dozen went out; and, rapidly as the different saucers +were handed to them, by the desire of the master of the house, they +found that their appetites were not in any thing like the same degree +becoming satisfied. Pieces of silver paper were frequently placed near +them, with which they as frequently wiped their mouths and fingers, and +not before such an operation was required; for their awkward attempts at +imitating their entertainers occasioned them to deposit on their persons +a considerable portion of the gravy or sauces in which the meat was +dressed. Old Long Chi was indefatigable in endeavouring to make his +visiters taste the contents of every saucer upon the table; in which +effort they would gladly have seconded him, had their ability kept pace +with their inclinations; but, to their exceeding disappointment, they +found that the more they tried the less they swallowed; and, although +they dipped their sticks and bobbed their heads after the savoury viands +as they dropped from their treacherous hold, they had the mortification +of finding, when the saucers were cleared away, that they were left in +the enjoyment of quite as much appetite as they possessed when they +first sat down to dinner. + +Several kinds of soups were now brought on table, in curious boat-shaped +vessels of porcelain; and with these, to the great gratification of the +guests, appeared ivory spoons. Every one of the soups was tasted; and +gladly would Oriel have made use of his spoon upon the more substantial +cookeries that had been carried away: but he saw no more of them; and, +the table having been cleared of the soups, fruits, and preserves, with +glasses of a spirit made from rice were handed round. At this time, +Long Chi the elder bent his head reverentially, and said, in a fervent +manner, and with an audible voice, + +"Grant, O Fo, that the good things thou hast so bountifully provided for +us do not interfere with our digestion, or trouble us with apoplexy!" +and left the apartment to change his dress; soon after which the guests, +preceded by the younger Long Chi, returned to the saloon, where they +partook of tea and sweetmeats. + +"Now that the old boy has gone," said the melancholy poet, as soon as +he had seated himself on the divan, "I will give you the felicitous +gratification of hearing the perusal of my great epic in praise of the +adorable Fee Fo Fum." + +"Not for the world!" exclaimed Oriel Porphyry, with remarkable emphasis; +"I would not trouble you on any account." + +"Trouble!" cried the lover, as he commenced searching in his pouch; "by +the inconceivable tail of Confucius, 'tis to me the most superlatively +exquisite of extraordinary gratifications; and, when you come to +entertain a proper consciousness of the inestimable treasures of +intellectual greatness, which I have lavished with so profuse a +liberality for the purpose of giving immortality to the unrivalled +attractions of the adorable Fee Fo Fum, you will acknowledge, with that +profound sagacity which you have already evinced by your commendation of +my incorruptible effusions, that the particular portions of the diurnal +revolution you have passed in obtaining an adequate knowledge of its +innumerable excellences, has appeared to you to proceed with such an +agreeable velocity, that you cannot, with any particular positiveness, +assert that you have, during that period, been in a state which is +vulgarly called existence." + +"There is no doubt of it," replied Oriel, with considerable uneasiness, +as he observed his tormentor unfolding a paper for perusal; "but I can +only enjoy such things at certain periods; and at present I am positive +that the merits of your productions would be entirely lost upon me." + +"By the great Fo, impossible!" exclaimed the poet. "In what corner of +the world hides the wretch so lost to every noble feeling--so lost to +every sense of excellence--so inhuman, unnatural, and preposterously +ignorant--as to listen to the incorruptible wisdom with which I can +enlighten him, and not become transported into the very heaven of +heavens?" + +"You have already enlightened us to an extent as far as our limited +intellects allow us to be enlightened by such productions as those +you have read," observed Zabra, with an earnest attempt to be serious; +"and it would be only throwing away the talents you possess on persons +utterly incompetent to appreciate their merits, if you continue the +perusal of your effusions." + +"All imaginary," said the persevering versifier; "and you will forget +it in your sense of the sublime which must be excited by hearing the +perusal of the following passage." Long Chi the younger had opened +his manuscript, had made a preparatory flourish of his hand, and had +commenced some description, with the ordinary exclamation, "Oh!" when, +happening to cast his eye towards the door, he encountered the frowning +visage of his father. His hand dropped from its elevation: he quickly +whipped his papers into his pouch, and jumped off the divan, with a +celerity particularly acceptable to Zabra and his companion. + +Old Long Chi appeared in a dress much more splendid than the one he had +previously worn; and, gravely fixing himself in the seat his son had +vacated, he commenced a conversation upon the business and voyage of his +guests. Old Long Chi was a merchant of considerable experience and great +wealth, with whom Master Porphyry had long had commercial dealings. He +was remarkable for a profound gravity, a pair of moustachios the points +of which descended to his chin, and a tail of hair which was the +admiration of all his countrymen. Although he had passed the early part +of his life in India, and had married an Anglo-Indian, on his return, +like all Chinese, he continued the customs of his country, and gloried +in its fancied superiority over the rest of the world. He had always +been distinguished as a severe moralist. He seemed desirous of +acquiring the praise of the Bonzes for the regularity of his attendance +at the temples; and sought to be respected in society for the liberality +of his contributions towards religious objects. Oriel and he were a +considerable time agreeing about some merchandise that both had to +barter; during which the melancholy poet stood at a respectful distance, +looking at his parent, and then at the bamboo, with more dread than +affection; while Zabra amused himself by taking notice of the scene +before him. + +"You have not seen much of our incomparable country, I suppose?" +inquired the old man as he sipped a strong infusion of the tea leaf from +a beautiful porcelain cup. + +"I have only landed this morning," replied his guest. + +"Ah! then you have much to see," added the other. "It is the most +ancient government under the sun; and such a government! such laws, such +institutions, and such a religion! The Emperor is quite a father to his +subjects." + +"With the bamboo, father?" asked his son tremblingly. + +"Hold you tongue, Long Chi!" bawled out the old man. + +"Father, I obey!" murmured the youth submissively. + +"Are the laws mild in their operation?" inquired Zabra. + +"Remarkably so," replied Long Chi the elder. "When punishment is +inflicted, it is done on the most humane principles: you may get +bastinadoed till you faint with pain; and then you will get bastinadoed +till you recover." + +"How very paternal!" exclaimed the young Long Chi emphatically. + +"Silence, Long Chi!" shouted the old man. + +"Father, I obey!" said his obedient son. + +Both Zabra and his patron seemed much amused by this description of the +mildness of the Chinese laws; but, fearing, if he pressed the subject +much farther, the bamboo might come into operation in the domestic +sovereignty with a similar character, Oriel Porphyry said,-- + +"I was much surprised with the great variety of dishes that appeared at +dinner." + +"Our preparations for the table are endless," responded his host. "In +our cookery books we have fifty different ways of dressing dogs' ears." + +"I could find a way of dressing dogs' ears in any book," muttered the +melancholy poet at a distance. + +"I'll give yours a dressing, you puppy! if you don't hold your tongue," +bawled his father. + +"Dogs' ears!" exclaimed Zabra in surprise: "we had none to-day, had we?" + +"We had six different varieties, of each of which you partook," replied +the other. + +"Bah!" said Oriel Porphyry, with a countenance expressing any thing but +pleasure. + +"But that was not the only delicacy brought on table," continued the old +man. "You seemed particularly to enjoy a fricassee of the rats of Loo +Choo." + +"Rats! we haven't been eating rats, surely?" demanded Zabra, as if +horrorstruck at the idea. + +"And you swallowed nearly the whole of the soup made from the large +slugs of Japan!" he added. + +"Ugh!" exclaimed both his visiters in a breath, looking in the highest +degree disgusted at the idea of such fare. + +"It is dangerous," said the melancholy poet, gravely, "to load either +the stomach or your arms with slugs; especially----" He was not allowed +time to finish the sentence; for, seeing his father snatch up the +dreaded bamboo, and spring off the divan towards him, with a look +threatening utter extermination, he dived under a table, leaped over an +ottoman, dodged round several vases, and then rapidly made his exit out +at the door, closely pursued by his parent; and their visiters, fancying +that they had had quite enough of Chinese hospitality, hastened their +departure. + +They were proceeding through the narrow streets of Canton, bounded by +the gloomy walls that shut out the houses from public view, experiencing +some very disagreeable sensations, when they heard a violent +altercation, and thought they distinguished voices familiar to them. +They listened. + +"Oh! oh! oh! This is not arguing logically. Oh! oh! This is +demonstration without reason. Oh! oh! oh!" was heard amid a shower of +blows. + +"Oh! oh! you're breaking my back--don't you see! Ah! murder! help!" was +shouted with similar accompaniments; and a door in the wall opening, out +ran Fortyfolios and Tourniquet, making a desperate outcry, and vainly +striving to save themselves from the thick sticks of half a dozen +infuriated Chinese, who were belabouring them without mercy. Oriel, as +soon as he saw the state of the case, rushed in amongst the attacking +party; quickly deprived one of his weapon, and laid about him with such +dexterity and vigour, that three out of the six were left senseless on +the ground, and the rest had vanished before the philosophers discovered +to whom they were indebted for their rescue. + +"I am astonished that I should have found you in such a situation," +remarked the young merchant to the professor and his companion, who, +with most rueful visages, were busily engaged in rubbing their legs, +shoulders, arms, and backs. + +"Why, I will explain it to you as logically as I can," said Fortyfolios, +moving his features and body into an abundance of contortions. "Oh, this +pain! it certainly is a physical evil." + +"That I deny!" eagerly exclaimed the other, writhing from the effects +of his beating. "Pain is a perception of the mind, and cannot exist +independently of mental perceptions--don't you see?" + +"Impossible!" replied the professor, limping along as if every bone +in his body was broken. "I maintain that it is a sensation purely +corporeal, as there never yet was any pain where there was no body." + +"You know nothing about it," sharply rejoined the doctor, cautiously +feeling with his hands to discover his fractures. "There is mental +anguish, in which the physical has no connection--don't you see?" + +"But, gentlemen, what has this argument to do with the information I +required?" asked the young merchant. + +"I was about to enter into the subject in a proper manner, when Doctor +Tourniquet interrupted me," observed Fortyfolios. + +"I deny that!" eagerly exclaimed the surgeon. + +"Doctor Tourniquet, you ought to be ashamed of yourself!" said the +professor, assuming all his dignity. + +"I deny that!" repeated the pertinacious disputant. + +"Doctor, you are more than usually disputative," remarked Zabra. + +"I deny that!" continued he: and it now became evident to Oriel Porphyry +and his young friend, that both the professor and the doctor were +exhilarated into a state nearly approaching intoxication. + +"Demonstration! demonstration! Give me accurate demonstration: I'll not +be convinced without it--don't you see?" said the surgeon. + +"Argument is thrown away upon you: you are unreasonable, illogical, and +inconvincible," muttered the other. + +"Prove it! prove it! Give me the proof positive--let me behold the proof +circumstantial," exclaimed his antagonist. + +"Doctor Tourniquet, I beg you'll be silent," said the young merchant, in +a tone that admitted of no dispute; and the doctor seemed only anxious +to discover the extent of the hurts he had received. "And now, Professor +Fortyfolios," he continued, "you can proceed." + +"To come to a proper understanding of the case, you must be made aware +that we left the Albatross on purpose to see whatever was worthy of +observation in the city," observed the professor; "and, as I possessed +a letter of introduction to a Columbian resident, there we first +proceeded. We were heartily welcomed, and treated with a national +hospitality; and were shown several remarkable things, of which the +world will hear at a fitting opportunity. In returning from a place +we had visited together, our friend suddenly left us to talk to some +acquaintance he saw at the end of the street; and we thought we saw +him go into a house, where we knocked. We were admitted; and I began +explaining to the fellows, by whom we were immediately surrounded, +that I desired to see my friend; but, without the slightest attempt at +argument, the unreasonable brutes commenced beating us with heavy +cudgels, till they were dispersed by your appearance." + +"Let us see if I have killed these poor wretches," said Oriel, turning +back to the place where he had left the three prostrate Chinese; but, to +his great astonishment, and to the amazement of his companions, not a +trace of either of them was to be seen. The dead men had taken advantage +of their enemy being at a distance to scamper off from the field of +battle as fast as their legs could carry them; and when the conqueror +came to examine the destruction he had committed, he had the +mortification of discovering that his triumph might take same note of +"the missing," but the number of killed and wounded was not so easily +ascertained. + + + + +CHAP. VIII. + +THE MONSOON. + + +After paying short visits to some of the principal ports in the +flourishing kingdoms of Borneo and Sumatra, the Albatross was gallantly +pursuing her voyage through the Strait of Malacca. There had been no +wind for several days, and the sky had continued without a cloud. There +was an oppressive sultriness in the atmosphere; and so great appeared +the heat of the sun's rays, that the pitch oozed out of the seams of the +vessel, and the timber became scorched and blistered. This continued, +with very little variation, till the ship, approaching the coast of +India, entered the Bay of Bengal. A little speck was first observed +upon the horizon, which gradually enlarged; and soon afterwards several +other dark vapours appearing on the heavens, rapidly increased in size, +till vast masses of clouds came from the north-east, thickening, and +darkening, and swallowing up the whole of the bright sky which had but a +short time since been visible. The sea, from a state of calm, suddenly +became stirred in all its depths: its billows rose into hills, the +hills into mountains; and the vast waves, as they acquired additional +magnitude, lashed each other with such a violence, that their tops were +crested with foam. Almost at the same moment came on powerful gusts of +wind, that kept continually increasing in force, till each drove the +mountainous waves before it, as if they were grains of dust, and swept +the Albatross over them with as much ease as if it were but a feather. +Her spars bent--her timbers creaked; and occasionally some part of the +rigging would be stripped off like dead leaves from a tree. + +Floods of rain poured down, as if there was a sea in the sky that was +being emptied into the waters of the earth; and the lightning, flashing +in streaks of lurid fire, exhibited the black tempest gathering in the +clouds in all its terrors. Then came the thunder, booming in deafening +peals, that seemed to shake the world to its centre. The desperate wind +rushed on with all its might--then came the deluge--then flashed the +electric light--and then the thunder burst again with renewed fury. This +succession of forces was exerted upon the ship, without intermission, +the whole of the night, as she scudded rapidly along under close-reefed +foresail and maintop-sail; but, although it was evident to the oldest +sailors in the vessel, from the manner in which she behaved during the +tempest, that a more admirable boat had never been built, she suffered +very severely in many places. Several of the ports were stove in, the +gangways torn away, the quarter galleries crushed; ropes were snapped +like threads, and a few of the spars were splintered into fragments. The +water rushed in through the gaping ports, till the lee side of the main +deck was a complete pool, several feet in depth; and the monstrous waves +swept over the ship in such immense masses, that many of the crew every +moment expected that she would be overwhelmed. + +Towards morning, the fury of the elements in some degree abated; but the +broken spars, and the torn rigging, had scarcely been repaired, before +the storm recommenced with renewed vigour. Nothing seemed capable of +withstanding its destructive violence. The wind howled, and the thunder +boomed, and the lightning flashed, and the big waves came rushing on +with more fury than ever. Every timber creaked, and the ship was leaking +at every seam. The exertions of the old captain had not ceased since the +commencement of the tempest. In the loudest roar of the storm, his voice +might be heard shouting his orders through a speaking-trumpet. He was +everywhere where he thought his presence was necessary; and, forgetting +his superiority in the necessities of the moment, he bore a hand in +the most laborious and dangerous duties. He was ably seconded by his +officers; and, although the crew had been harassed by constant exertion, +they cheerfully continued their efforts to work the vessel, and save +her from the violence with which she was assailed. To add to their +disquietude, they discovered that she had been forced a considerable +way from her course, and that there was an alarming depth of water in +the hold: the fore-mast bent like a mere twig; and every instant the +fore-topmast threatened to go by the board. + +The engine was immediately set to work to reduce the leak; and, a +sufficient power having been applied, the water began to diminish. The +helm was now directed towards Bengal. The men laboured indefatigably to +repair the injuries the ship had sustained; and hopes were entertained +that, if the masts remained secure, the Albatross might ride out the +monsoon, and reach her destination in safety. Towards the afternoon, +there was a lull, and the men got both refreshment and repose. Oriel +Porphyry had not left the deck during the whole of the time the danger +was most imminent; and Zabra, as usual, had continued by his side. Both +seemed to take a sort of fearful interest in watching the progress of +the tempest; and, although the water dashed over them in torrents, and +they were frequently obliged to hold on with all their strength, to +prevent being swept away by the wind, they remained in nearly the same +position, observing the vivid flashes of light that played amid the +rigging, and looking into the black depths of the foaming ocean, as they +descended into the trough of some mighty wave. Neither spoke: at +least, rarely was a word uttered; and, if the friends had attempted to +converse, the uproar that raged around them would have prevented any +other sound from being heard. Several times Captain Hearty approached, +and earnestly advised them to go below, as they exposed themselves to +much unnecessary danger; but Zabra remained, with his head resting upon +the shoulder of his patron, and his hand clasped in Oriel's, as if he +knew of no protection where he was not; and the merchant's son, as +if pleased with the affection of his youthful friend, would not be +persuaded to leave the deck. + +"Does any thing ail you, Zabra?" at last asked Master Porphyry, during +an intermission of the storm, noticing that his companion had made two +or three short hysteric sobs. + +"No; I am well, I am quite well, Oriel," murmured the youth, as he +raised his head, and looked in the face of his associate. + +"Why, your eyes are filled with tears, Zabra! How is this?" exclaimed +the other affectionately. + +"I know not. A feeling has come over me, which I could not control," +replied he in a whisper, as his delicate frame trembled with emotion. "I +was thinking--I was thinking that, if the ship was swallowed up in these +huge waves, that--that I should like--that I should like to die--that +I should like to die with you thus;" and, with many sobs, he flung his +arms round the neck of his patron, and let his head droop upon his +breast. + +"And so you shall, Zabra, if such fate be ours," said Oriel Porphyry, +much moved by the devotion of his young friend. "But I see no reason to +despair yet. The gallant Albatross bears it bravely; and, unless we lose +the masts, or ship one of these overwhelming seas, we shall ride into +port by to-morrow, or the next day at latest. But this is childish of +you, Zabra, to give way to such feelings. You behaved not in this way +when we were fighting side by side amid the pirates. Come, come! be more +like yourself; and when the storm is over, which I hope will soon be, +you shall laugh at these apprehensions; and you shall sing me one of +your stirring songs, all about the glory and the freedom to be found +upon the mighty waters of the deep; and I shall be enraptured, and you +will rejoice." + +Zabra raised his head, shook back the clustering curls that shadowed his +face, and looked earnestly upon his patron. + +"I will do as you wish me," he replied. "I have been wrong in +disturbing your contemplations with my foolish fears: but, however +proud the heart may be,--however great, and brave, and noble be all its +tendencies,--there comes a time when all superiority and all valour are +lost in a sense of overpowering humility and apprehension. But, hark! +The elements are again let loose upon us. Hear how the wind howls, like +a lion roaring for his prey! And look at this mountain of water sweeping +up to ingulf us within its dark devouring jaws. Cling to the mast, +Oriel! cling to the mast! or you will be swept into the sea." + +Oriel Porphyry held one arm tightly round the waist of Zabra: with the +other he grasped the mainmast, as the towering billow, forced onward +by a violent gust of wind, broke on the deck, carrying away two of the +sailors, who were inattentive to its advance, and pouring through every +opening into the lower parts of the ship. + +"A man overboard!" was the immediate cry: but the vessel was proceeding +at so rapid a rate, that no effort could be made to save them. When the +fury of the tempest had abated, the two friends descended to the cabin; +where Oriel, observing that Zabra seemed ill and faint, wanted him +to take such refreshment as his exhausted frame needed, and tried to +strengthen the effect of his command by setting before him a good +example. A long fast, and the excitement of danger, continued for such +a period of time, required nourishment; and the young merchant seemed +desirous of showing his companion that his fatigues had not spoiled his +appetite; but though he pressed him frequently to partake liberally of +the different things he had ordered for him, he could not induce him to +follow his directions to any thing like the extent he desired. In fact, +Zabra appeared to have suffered too much from the state of feeling in +which he had existed during the recent tempest to be able to realise the +kind wishes of his patron. + +"My dear Zabra you are not well," observed Oriel Porphyry, finding his +endeavours and example so little attended to. "You look perfectly +exhausted. Go to your hammock and endeavour to sleep off your fatigues. +If I do not see that you take proper care of yourself, I shall deserve +censure from Eureka. So if you do not wish to get me into trouble, you +will do as I desire you." + +"She will not blame you," murmured his youthful associate, as he +proceeded to his little cabin. + +"What an extraordinary creature he is!" he exclaimed, as soon as Zabra +had left him; and he was reflecting upon the cause of that mystery in +which the character of his youthful friend seemed enveloped, when he was +disturbed by the entrance of the two philosophers. Fortyfolios looked +somewhat paler than usual, nor did Tourniquet appear quite at his ease. +They had also suffered from the effects of the storm, though neither of +them had appeared on deck while it lasted. + +"It is extraordinary to me, Dr. Tourniquet," said the professor gravely, +as he entered the cabin--"It is extraordinary to me that you will argue +from wrong premises." + +"It is as extraordinary to me that you will argue to wrong conclusions, +don't you see," replied the surgeon good humouredly. + +"What is the matter in dispute now, gentlemen?" inquired the young +merchant. + +"We differ in our ideas concerning the true nature of happiness," +responded Fortyfolios. "Now, I maintain that happiness consists in +virtue; for there can be no true happiness without the existence of +virtuous inclinations; and virtue is but another name for purity--a +state of being perfectly free from the pollution of vice." + +"And I maintain a very different sort of thing altogether, don't you +see," replied the doctor. "But first of all let us examine the idea that +happiness consists in virtue--by which I suppose is meant that virtue +produces happiness. There are a thousand instances of virtuous people +being as miserable as a bear with his fur shaved off. One from +disappointed love--another from the death of a friend or relative, +and a third from constitutional irritability. One finds misery in the +past--another meets with it in the present--a third looks for it in the +future; and although all these are virtuous in the common acceptation of +the word, they are far from being happy, don't you see. But there is a +stronger case against the argument that virtue produces happiness in +the instance of----Suppose a noble spirited youth, or an amiable and +excellent girl, who may be, in thought or action, the beau ideals of +virtue, yet if they are disgraced in their own eyes by their near +relationship to individuals notorious for some degrading vice, their +very notions of virtue create in them a continual misery. They have done +no evil, yet they are ashamed of themselves--they have a most decided +inclination for sincerity; and yet, knowing that if the world knew of +their connection with vice, they would be considered to be vicious as a +natural consequence (for such is the unjust conduct of the world), they +are obliged to practise deception; and the practice of deception soon +becomes habitual--they deceive all around them. Their principles are +thus continually warring with their actions; and the dread of their +deceit being discovered, and the disgrace which attaches to them +becoming known, creates a state of misery not easily to be exceeded." + +"But I cannot imagine such a state of things," remarked Oriel Porphyry. +"No child can be made answerable for the criminality of its relatives; +and a well educated mind will care little for an opinion by which it is +sought to be degraded, if that opinion is unjust." + +"Certainly," observed the professor approvingly. + +"We must take society as we find it, don't you see," added the doctor, +"with all its prejudices and all its injustice. If the circle in which +moves a youth of either sex, whose conduct is irreproachable and whose +motives are admirable, discover that the father of their young associate +was hanged for murder, or that the mother was noted for profligacy, they +will shrink from him as if he was as vile as his origin; but to the +young female this sort of connection bears with a most cruel severity. +There are many children born out of wedlock, of mothers of infamous +characters, which the father, who may be of a somewhat higher rank of +life, with a laudable anxiety for the welfare of his offspring, takes +from the mother and educates. Imagine a child thus originated, carefully +instructed in virtuous principles till she approaches the period of +womanhood, when, with the knowledge of her mother's infamy, she ventures +into a society in which her beauty and intelligence would render her one +of its best ornaments, she is acutely sensitive of her own disgraceful +position in the eyes of the world, and enters into companionship with +individuals of her own sex whom she is well aware would consider +themselves contaminated by her presence if they knew her secret; or +becomes beloved by a youth of the other sex, who, thinking her what she +appears to be, honours her above all human beings, with a continual +dread that the truth will be disclosed, and that she will be pointed +at, avoided, insulted, and abandoned by those now so eager to seek her +society. There is no state of misery so deplorable as this. In time, the +constant anxiety and fear in which she exists will affect her health, +and she gradually wastes away with the bitter consciousness that she is +the victim of a prejudice: although perfectly innocent, is punished as +if she was the vilest of criminals; and, although formed to diffuse +happiness around her, is obliged, from day to day, to endure the +crushing agonies of an unceasing misery. And this is an example of +virtue without happiness, don't you see." + +"But possibly the dread of insult, or a sense of shame," continued the +doctor, "prevents her from entering the society in which she ought to +find an honourable place. She is confined to a narrow circle, out of +which she dare not step, and is obliged to associate with the worthless +of her own sex and the profligate of the other. Her companions are the +vulgar and the vile. They having no proper conception of the value of +either truth or virtue, and she looking on the world that has abandoned +her as unjust, and smarting under the wrong it inflicts, begins to +think them as much ill treated as herself, and believes that a false +interpretation has been given to their conduct. Gradually she parts with +her conviction of what is honourable. One by one she acquires the mean +and contemptible vices of her associates. She sees them dissimulate, +and practises deception. Falsehood becomes habitual. She loses all +self-respect. She becomes criminal, degraded, and depraved. In fact, by +an atrocious verdict, she is at first considered one of the very Pariahs +of society, don't you see, and is at last forced to be the vile thing +the world had thought her." + +"The prejudice which so punishes is a disgrace to any civilised +community," exclaimed Oriel with warmth, "and the laws which press so +cruelly upon natural children are both impolitic and inhuman." + +"They are undoubtedly severe," observed Fortyfolios; "but their severity +is caused by the detestation of society for vice." + +"That I deny," eagerly replied Tourniquet. "Change the condition of the +child. Suppose it to be the offspring of a prince; and, although the +mother be a sink of iniquity, the girl will be eagerly sought after +by honourables and right honourables, most nobles, and others that +entertain the highest notions about virtue. So much for the community's +detestation of vice, don't you see. Now for my conception of the true +nature of happiness. I consider happiness, in the first place, to be +the result of a peculiar temperament. There must be a disposition to be +happy in the individual before any happiness can be created. In some +persons this disposition is so strong, that the most afflicting things +will scarcely, if at all, affect it; in others, the disposition is so +weak that it is continually overpowered by external circumstances; and +in others, the disposition is not to be traced, for it does not exist. +That virtue is necessary to a state of happiness there is no doubt; +but what is called virtue by different communities appears in so many +various shapes, that it requires a more catholic sense attached to it +than it possesses to make it universally understood. I consider virtue +to be a moderate indulgence in our inclinations when they do no injury +to the individual, to the object, and to any other person, with a +perfect and exclusive sympathy of an individual of one sex for an +individual of the other. Modesty is called a virtue, chastity is called +a virtue, and sobriety is called a virtue; but they are only distinct +features of the virtue I have described." + +"That is clearly enough defined; and I should think could not be +disputed," remarked Oriel. + +The professor said nothing. + +"Now this virtue does not create happiness any more than does the +virtue of my learned friend," continued the doctor; "but in by far the +majority of instances it is necessary to its existence. The happiness +that arises from alleviating suffering has often been found in an +individual possessing no pretensions to virtue. But happiness itself is +pleasure. There is the pleasure of creating enjoyment in an object, and +there is the pleasure which succeeds it in the individual. There never +was happiness without pleasure; there ought not to be pleasure without +happiness. There is no pleasure like that of doing good; consequently, +there is no happiness like that of making others happy: and wherever +there is a disposition to be happy, it will exhibit itself in a desire +to create happiness in others; and wherever there is no disposition to +be happy, the individual will be just as careless of the happiness of +those around him as he is regardless of his own. That's my idea of +happiness, don't you see." + +"And it appears to me a very rational one," observed the young merchant. +"But how does the disposition to happiness arise?" + +"There are some very curious phenomena connected with the origin and +growth of these dispositions," replied the surgeon. "In the first +place, all dispositions are formed in the individual by the pressure of +external circumstances, no matter how or from whence directed: evil +dispositions and good, and they arise at different times and sometimes +in succession. When created, they set with a certain impetus in a +certain direction; and as in these the extremes meet, if another impetus +is given, they will proceed from bad to good to the same distance they +advanced from good to bad. This is the cause of individuals having been +notorious for vice becoming eminent for virtue. Water flowing from the +top of a mountain is capable by its own power of finding its level on a +mountain of a similar elevation; and the impetus of vice being carried +down a certain way ascends by the impetus of good a like height. This +accounts for the old proverb, 'The greater the sinner the greater the +saint;' that is to say, the force in one produces a like force in the +other. Again, the disposition to love has frequently been followed by +the disposition to hate, as nearly as possible to the same extent; and +the disposition to happiness may as frequently be succeeded by the +disposition to misery." + +"But supposing the impetus to be carried down, it will want the +application of no other power to carry it up; and if carried up, will +unassisted carry itself down," remarked the professor. + +"Not so," replied the doctor: "Evil is of a heavy nature; and when it +descends, clings to the soil at the bottom, unless it receive another +impetus: and good is of a light nature, that naturally rises, and when +it has attained its highest elevation would there remain, were it not +sent down with a similar force." + +"The idea is ingenious, certainly," said the young merchant. + +"And that is all the merit it possesses," observed Fortyfolios, whose +more orthodox notions could not tolerate such an hypothesis. "Were such +a theory generally adopted, its mischief would be incalculable. It would +loosen our sense of the moral obligations, and utterly destroy all the +established ideas of right and wrong." + +"As for the moral obligations, don't you see," replied Tourniquet, "I +am perfectly convinced that it would place them on a much more secure +footing than they now possess; and if established notions on the subject +are erroneous, which I can prove them to be, the sooner they are knocked +on the head the better. I have already shown to you, in the instance +of the natural child, that the idea of virtue in the community is very +vague, unsettled, and unphilosophical, and creates more mischief than it +does good; and if we take the ideas of the same principle existing at +different times and in different communities, we shall find even this +confusion worse confounded. Things the most opposite to the true +character of virtue have been considered worthy of general adoption as +virtues. Thieving has existed as a virtue; drunkenness has existed as +a virtue; profligacy has existed as a virtue; murder has existed as a +virtue; and many others of the most abominable vices have, at various +intervals, with various people, been practised, avowed, and defended, +as if they were the most admirable of virtues. It is not many centuries +since the natives, on the coast of Guinea, and the inhabitants of other +countries, were taught to steal, and the cleverest thief was an object +of as much admiration among them as the most virtuous member of the +community; but there is no necessity to go to a state of barbarism for +an illustration of the honour with which dishonesty has been regarded; +for in all speculations, in all trading dealings, in all gambling +transactions, and in all appropriations of property acquired by one +party from another by a certain cunning or skill, of which the other +is not possessed, there is nothing else but stealing; and yet a person +acquiring property by such means is generally thought to be respectable, +and respectability is considered a virtue." + +"I am afraid, if your argument be true, that there is but little real +honesty in the world," remarked Oriel. + +"It is as I have stated," replied the doctor. "I have read of states +in which the man who could swallow some half a dozen bottles of wine, +and make his friends follow his example--in other words, a man who +practised habitual intoxication--had the reputation of being 'a good +fellow,' when amongst the same people goodness was considered virtue; +but even at the present day, in some parts of the world, intemperance +is regarded as a thing to be applauded rather than censured, although +it is not only a vice, but being the most direct channel to all other +vices ought to be held in detestation as the most vicious of evil +inclinations." + +Oriel Porphyry thought of the scene he had witnessed at Canton; but he +smiled, and said nothing. + +"With regard to the next of these vices which are considered as +virtues," continued the doctor, "there are few so destructive to +happiness. What is vulgarly called virtue in the government or +indulgence of the affections, in a majority of instances, should go by +an opposite name. It is upon record, that a certain king of Ashantee was +possessed of 3333 wives: other monarchs have been equally affectionate +towards their female subjects; and it is very rare, indeed, to find +these potentates, even with the wise king Solomon at their head, +possessing any pretensions to this identical virtue; and yet they have +been honoured more than the most virtuous character in their dominions. +But I maintain that all marriages against the inclination of one or both +parties, such as those formed for convenience, from state policy, or by +the authority of parents and guardians, is a state of absolute vice; and +yet the individuals so existing are regarded as if living in a state of +perfect virtue." + +"Undoubtedly they live in a state of perfect virtue as long as they have +no vicious inclinations," said the professor. + +"But it frequently happens that one of these parties has entertained +an inclination for another before marriage," replied Tourniquet. "An +inclination perfectly virtuous, but circumstances over which either +have no control, force them into a marriage, and then in the opinion of +the world that inclination (which is rarely destroyed) is considered +vicious, though perfectly virtuous in itself, and the state in which +the individual exists, against his or her inclination, is considered +virtuous, though perfectly vicious in itself, because it tends either +to destroy the virtuous inclination, or if that inclination is indulged +under those circumstances, it creates a state of things which is just +as far removed from virtue. The same species of vice is created by an +inclination after marriage--which is likely to occur when the marriage +has taken place without an inclination." + +"At one time the punishment used to be very severe for endeavouring to +effect a marriage or a similar state of things against the inclination +of one of the parties," remarked the young merchant. "And I imagine that +if the mis-marriages to which you have alluded were punished after the +same fashion, both the public morals and the public happiness would be +much increased." + +"No doubt of it, don't you see," responded the doctor. "And now for +an examination of the manner in which murder has been regarded. About +a thousand years since there was a religious community in India who +practised murder as a virtue. They were called Thugs, and after long +watching for an opportunity, with abundance of prayers and other holy +ceremonies, they fell upon their victims and strangled them with a cord. +Previous to this, there arose a military and religious order in Persia, +called Assassins, who stabbed or poisoned in secrecy and without shame; +and by both these communities murder was practised as the highest kind +of virtue. But they were not the only people who entertained similar +notions. The heathens murdered the Christians, and the Christians +slaughtered the heathens. The Catholics destroyed heretics, and heretics +waged a religious war upon one another. The Mahometans killed Jews or +Christians, or any other sect not professing their form of faith; and +the Jews, Christians, and others, retaliated to the best of their +ability; and under the name of religion nearly all religious sects have +murdered by wholesale, and, practising this inhuman vice, each party has +conceived that they were exhibiting the highest kind of virtue. But at +the present day, murder in a variety of shapes exists, and is regarded +as a virtue of a very high order. Even in an offender, the destruction +of human life is murder, unless, which is a very extreme case, it be +impossible for the security of society, to allow the offender to exist; +yet the sanguinary executions that disgrace the penal codes of many +communities, boasting a superior degree of civilisation, is called +justice, which is but another name for virtue. Killing a man in a duel +is murder. All warfare is murder; yet he who distinguishes himself most +in the destruction of those to whom he is opposed is honoured as being +peculiarly brave--and bravery is considered a virtue." + +"Occasions arise when warfare is absolutely necessary," said Oriel +Porphyry; "and I cannot help the conviction, that the man who signalises +himself in the defence of his country, and in the destruction of his +enemies, is entitled to rank with the most virtuous characters." + +"Certainly," observed Fortyfolios. + +"With regard to wars being necessary, don't you see, in the present +state of the world they may be," replied the surgeon. "But in an +improved order of things they would not be required, for then the force +of opinion would be much more effective than the force of arms; and as +to the superior character of valour, although few can admire heroic +actions more than myself, I know that the courage by which they are +created is an impulse which may exist to the same extent in the +savage and in the brute. This is not necessary to virtue, for in some +organisations the want of physical energy renders the existence and the +exhibition of martial courage impossible; and it is not produced by +virtue, for it is often found existing in persons of the most vicious +inclinations. Now I think I have said enough to show the want of +clearness in the ideas of virtue that have existed and do exist in the +world, and the danger which must arise from attempting to build any +happiness upon so insecure a foundation." + +"I differ with you _in toto_," exclaimed the professor, with more than +his usual seriousness. "And glad I am that such is the case; for your +heathenish theories are destructive of every religious principle that +the human mind possesses." + +"Pish!" muttered the doctor. + +"It is an argument, the tendency of which goes directly to level all +the existing distinctions between right and wrong, and to weaken the +influence of those sacred truths which have been professed by mankind +for so many generations," continued Fortyfolios. + +"Bah!" exclaimed Tourniquet. + +"You may profess what opinions you please," he added; "but the opinions +on which multitudes of people rest their expectations of future +happiness ought not to be disturbed by the contemplation of such vain +and idle speculations as those in which you indulge." + +"Nonsense, don't you see," said the other. + +"I tell you, Dr. Tourniquet, it is rank atheism," exclaimed the +professor, rather warmly. + +"I tell you, Professor Fortyfolios, you're a goose," replied his +antagonist. + +"As usual, gentlemen, your argument ends in a dispute," observed Oriel +Porphyry. "But you must excuse me for the present. I am really tired +out, and have been yawning in a manner that would have silenced any +disputants less eager than yourselves. I shall go to my berth, which +example I should advise you to follow; and let us hope that the terrible +monsoon will allow us some repose." + +The philosophers took the advice that was offered; and in less than half +an hour all three were fast asleep in their hammocks. + + + + +CHAP. IX. + +GAME LAWS IN INDIA. + + +"Pooh, pooh! Come and hunt. Come and hunt. There is no use in looking +after a parcel of buildings, and running to see sights: now you are in +this part of the country you ought to enjoy the pleasures it affords. +Come and hunt, man. Come and hunt." + +This was said by a fine, stout, middle-aged man, dressed in a light jean +jacket and full lower garments of a similar fabric, with a very broad +brimmed hat of fine straw, which he was then putting on. Although +his complexion was sallow, his features were lively and intelligent; +and there was a bluff, free, careless manner with him that seemed +particularly agreeable to his companions. They were in a handsome +chamber with an open veranda, through which the slight breeze that +was stirring, entered; and the furniture, though rather faded, still +possessed an air of elegance. Wines, fruits, and sweetmeats were on a +large table in the centre, near which Oriel Porphyry and the speaker +stood. Zabra was leaning over the back of a cane-bottomed seat, watching +the motions of a lizard crawling up part of the framework of the +veranda. Fortyfolios was busily engaged endeavouring to beat off several +mosquitoes that seemed to have taken a fancy to his bald head; and Dr. +Tourniquet was examining the tusk of an elephant that lay, with several +skins, in a corner of the room. + +"Ah, but, Sir Curry Rajah," replied the young merchant, "when you kindly +invited us to your country house, I told you our stay could be but +brief. The period I intended to pass with you has elapsed; and though +delighted with your hospitality, I must really be thinking of my +departure." + +"Nonsense, nonsense!" exclaimed his host. "You wo'n't be thinking of any +thing of the kind. There is no business waiting for you. My people in +the city will take care that every thing you required shall be shipped +safely without loss of time; and, therefore, there can be no occasion +for your troubling your young brains about profit and loss for a day or +two at least. Come and hunt, I tell you. Come and hunt." + +"Is there any good hunting in this part of the world, then?" inquired +Oriel. + +"Hunting! The best hunting in the universe," replied Sir Curry Rajah. +"I've got the finest preserves in all India." + +"And what game have you?" asked his visitor. + +"Game?--Game of all kinds, and plenty of it; especially tigers," +responded the other. + +"Tigers!" exclaimed the young merchant in so loud a voice that his +companions started with surprise. "Why, what could induce you to +preserve such animals?" + +"The sport, to be sure, man," replied Sir Curry; "and we are obliged to +be very strict in the application of our game laws; for the rascally +poachers will often destroy the game." + +"I should think the game more likely to destroy the poachers," observed +his guest with a smile. + +"That's their look out," said the other. "I only know it's a most +difficult thing to preserve tigers. My tenants shoot them if they happen +to attack their flocks; and the peasants combine to kill them, for +the purpose of procuring their skins. But our game laws punish the +scoundrels severely if they are caught in the fact--imprisonment and +hard labour for every offence, and very just these laws are. Why, +gentlemen would have no sport if they were to allow their game to be cut +up by every fellow who has a desire for sport, or thinks his life or the +lives of his cattle of more value than a tiger. I have been at great +expense with my preserves; for the animal has long been exceedingly +scarce: and I have improved the breed a great deal by importing some new +varieties. The cross which has ensued has altered the game wonderfully. +They are infinitely more savage, far more daring, and in speed and +cunning are not to be excelled. In fact, my tigers have a reputation +all over the country; and the ablest hunters are very glad to get a +day's sport with me, as they know they will meet with the best tigers +that are to be found any where." + +"And how do you hunt them?" inquired Oriel. + +"On elephants principally," replied Sir Curry. "The hunter sits upon +an elephant, with an air gun, fixed upon a swivel, before him. These +animals are well trained. I've got some of the finest elephants in the +world, thorough-bred--and they go into the preserve, and rouse the tiger +from his cover. If he goes off, the elephant follows; if he shows fight, +the hunter fires: and sometimes the game is not killed till fine sport +has been enjoyed--a man or two killed, and other exciting pleasures +enjoyed." + +"And did these skins belong to animals of your killing?" inquired +Tourniquet, who had been an attentive listener to the conversation, as +he turned over two or three large tiger skins. + +"Yes, I killed them, and fine sport they gave," said his host. "That +one you have in your hand belonged to a noble fellow. The day in which +he was killed was a memorable one. My late neighbour, Lord Muligatawny, +was very proud of his preserves, and used to boast he had the best +tigers in India. So to take the conceit out of his lordship, I invited +him to a hunt on my grounds. Well, he came on his elephant, for he +enjoyed the sport as much as any man, and we proceeded together with our +attendants to a jungle in which I knew the greatest quantity of game was +to be found. He and I kept close together, he boasting all the time of +the superiority of his preserves, till as we entered this particular +place, I thought it would be most advisable to be at a short distance +from him, so we separated, but without my losing sight of him. Now Lord +Muligatawny used a peculiar kind of snuff-box, and was a fierce looking +sort of man; and he used to say that no tiger could ever look him in the +face. He said the brute always bolted when he tried the experiment. +Well, we saw lots of game, and had some capital sport, but as we were +proceeding along in high spirits at our success, I started a magnificent +animal. I had a shot at him, but was not near enough to do him any +mischief. As the tiger was stealing off towards Lord Muligatawny, he +fired; but whether it was his mismanagement of the gun, or proceeded +from his elephant's suddenly backing at the approach of the tiger, I +cannot say; but certain it is Lord Muligatawny was tumbled off his +elephant, and in another moment the tiger was upon him. 'Now we shall +see if the tiger will bolt,' thought I; and he did bolt: but he bolted +with Lord Muligatawny! He grasped his lordship by the nape of his neck +at the time he was looking as fierce as a ferret, and flinging his body +over his shoulder, he was out of sight before any one could get a shot +at him." + +"And what became of him?" inquired Oriel. + +"That was the last we ever saw of Lord Muligatawny," replied Sir Curry. +"But about a week afterwards I was hunting in the neighbourhood, when, +after a capital run, and a desperate contest, I succeeded in killing one +of the finest tigers I ever saw. I had his body taken home to show him +to my friends, and upon opening him, among the best part of a sheep, +a dog's hind quarters, and a litter of sucking pigs, we found the +identical snuff-box of poor Lord Muligatawny, proving beyond the +possibility of a doubt that not only had the tiger bolted _with_ his +lordship, but that he had had the audacity to make a bolt _of_ him. But +come and hunt--come and hunt--I will show you some capital sport." + +"Such as you showed Lord Muligatawny, I suppose," said the young +merchant, laughing. + +"Oh no, there's no danger," replied his host; and then taking an air-gun +of a peculiar construction towards his visitor, added, "Now, look at +this weapon--one of the best of the kind ever made. This is fixed on a +swivel in the carriage in which you sit on the elephant; and you are +quite safe, and, if you are a tolerable marksman, are sure to wound your +game. Besides this, the hunter generally has a strong short sword, like +this," said he, producing a weapon of that description. "Very sharp and +very useful too, for if the tiger leaps on the elephant, which he will +frequently do, the hunter with a good blow at his head may settle his +business. Come and hunt, man, come and hunt." + +"Confound these mosquitoes!" exclaimed the professor in a rage, vainly +endeavouring to drive the insects from about him, and making the most +ludicrous grimaces, as in spite of his exertions they succeeded in +biting the exposed part of his head. "These horrible things will torment +me to death. Ever since I have been in this deplorable country, my head +has been besieged by thousands of them. They don't let me rest a minute. +Ah! What a gripe! I shall go mad! They'll torment me to death; I can't +endure it, Sir Curry." + +"You'll soon get used to it," said his host, quietly. "This is the way +they always use strangers. You are fresh meat to them. But come and +hunt--come and hunt; I'll have the elephants got ready for you +immediately, and it's a capital day for the sport." + +"What say you, gentlemen? Shall we hunt the tiger?" asked Oriel +Porphyry. + +"I would rather you would hunt the musquitoes," said Fortyfolios, +seriously. + +"What say you, Zabra?" + +"If you wish it, Oriel," replied the youth. + +"I have not the slightest objection, don't you see," observed the +doctor. + +"Then let it be, Sir Curry," said Oriel. + +Orders were instantly given to the servants, a crowd of dark Hindoos, +in white turbans, short frocks fastened round the middle with a sash, +and with bare arms and legs, who lost no time in making the necessary +preparations. + +Three elephants were caparisoned and led round to the front of the +house. Sir Curry mounted the largest, and Fortyfolios and Tourniquet, +after some trouble, managed to get firm sitting on another. While these +preparations were making, Zabra had been amusing himself by feeding the +remaining elephant with sweetmeats. She was a small but exceedingly +docile animal; and seemed to enjoy the sort of food with which she was +indulged with a particular gusto, swinging her body with a regular +oscillatory movement, and twisting her trunk up and down with ceaseless +activity. The order having been given her to kneel, the two friends +mounted; and, accompanied by a few attendants, skilful in the management +of the hunt, the party moved forward into an open park, in which several +blue-skinned buffaloes and humped bullocks, with here and there a few +deer, were seen endeavouring to find a cool place in the shadows of the +trees. The day was excessively hot; and the oppressive sultriness of +the atmosphere seemed to be felt by every living thing, except the +mosquitoes, who flew about in myriads, plaguing both man and beast. In +passing a large tank the cattle were frequently seen rushing into it, +where they would remain with nothing but their noses above the water, +in hopes of escaping from those tormenting insects; but Fortyfolios +appeared to be the especial object of their attacks, for his hands were +constantly employed in trying to drive them from his face. They passed +many clumps of lofty cocoa-nut trees, in which troops of monkeys were +skipping about from branch to branch, and chattering at the hunters +with more volubility than harmony; and, after proceeding along fields of +rice, indigo, and Indian corn, surrounded by hedges of aloes and bamboo, +they approached a marsh, watered by a branch of the Ganges, in which +several large crocodiles, troops of adjutants, and different species of +snakes were observed. + +"There's plenty of game here, you see!" remarked Sir Curry to his +companions. "But it's wonderful the difficulty I have to preserve it; +poaching prevails to a great extent in spite of the severity of our game +laws." + +No reply was made to the observation; and the party passed on, +making their way with great difficulty through a forest of banyans, +occasionally taking a shot at a stray jackal or a wandering vulture, +till they descended a steep declivity, overgrown with thick underwood, +over which trees of immense proportions spread their gigantic branches. + +"Now we shall soon beat up the game," said Sir Curry: "we are entering a +famous preserve of tigers. About half a mile further in the jungle we +shall come to the very place where I lost poor Lord Muligatawny. Very +interesting spot." + +Fortyfolios at least did not seem to care for the interest of the place, +and he regretted ever having left the safe quarters of Sir Curry Rajah's +country-house, to wander on the back of an elephant through marshes, and +forests, and jungles, infested with every species of venomous and savage +creatures. + +"I cannot see what pleasure there can be in exposing one's life in +this way. It's the most foolish thing I ever heard of," said he to his +companion. + +"The ancients were much greater fools, don't you see," replied +Tourniquet. "They would break their necks after a wretched fox." + +"But the fox couldn't eat the hunter, and the tiger can," added the +other seriously. + +"Then there is the greater necessity for killing the tiger, don't you +see," rejoined the doctor. + +"But why not exterminate the breed? They must be very destructive to the +flocks and herds as well as to human beings who happen to fall in their +way; yet this man actually preserves them for the sake of the sport they +afford," said the professor, with unfeigned astonishment. + +"Just so did the ancients with their foxes," replied his companion. +"They were very destructive to the poultry of the neighbouring farmers; +they were perfectly worthless; their skins were of no value, and their +flesh not eatable; yet they were carefully preserved for the sport they +afforded." + +"A tiger!" exclaimed Sir Curry, who was a little in advance of the +party, as he pointed to some animal, the form of which could not be +clearly distinguished, stealing through the high grass and reeds with +which they were surrounded. Several shots were fired at him; but he +bounded away as if unhurt, and the elephants proceeded in pursuit. + +"A tiger!" again shouted their host, and another was observed making +off in a contrary direction; but he escaped before a gun could be +discharged. + +Oriel Porphyry began to feel a little excited, and took more interest +in the hunt than he had previously experienced. + +"Oh!" exclaimed Fortyfolios, as loud as he could scream; and, upon +looking round to observe what was the matter, the hunters beheld a large +monkey, as the professor was passing underneath the branch of a tree, +swinging by his tail, dart down, and snatch the straw hat that +Fortyfolios wore to shield his head from the sun's rays, with which he +made an immediate retreat, grinning and chattering among his companions +as if congratulating himself on the cleverness by which he had acquired +the prize. The whole troop were immediately in commotion, scrambling +with one another for possession of the spoil; till the thief, finding he +was likely to lose the result of his dexterity, placed the hat on his +own head, and darted off, from branch to branch, with inconceivable +rapidity, pursued by the other monkeys with a chorus of yells absolutely +deafening. + +Fortyfolios looked the very picture of mute despair when he found his +bald head exposed to the attacks of the relentless mosquitoes, and +was obliged to bind it with a handkerchief. His disquietude did not +decrease, when, a few paces farther on, his eyes fell upon the form of a +monstrous snake, twined round the stem of an immense tree, which, with +arched head, glaring eyes, and protruded sting, seemed about to spring +upon the unhappy professor. + +"Plenty of game here, gentlemen; capital preserve," observed Sir Curry +very coolly. + +"Heaven preserve me!" emphatically exclaimed Fortyfolios, trembling in +every joint. + +Tourniquet fired at the monster, and he immediately glided away into the +deepest recesses of the jungle. + +"A tiger!" shouted Sir Curry, as one made its appearance within a few +yards of his elephant. Oriel fired, and hit him. Sir Curry fired at the +same time, and lodged a bullet in his shoulder. The animal, smarting +with the pain and howling with rage, made a spring at Sir Curry, which +brought him within reach of his "tiger-slayer," as he called it; and a +ferocious blow, well directed, sent him with another howl to the feet of +the elephant, who kept him between her hind legs and her fore legs till +she had kicked him to death. + +"Fine beast!" said Sir Curry Rajah, noticing its size; "but this place +is famous for such game. By the bye, this is the identical spot in which +I lost poor Lord Muligatawny. He was sitting on his elephant just where +sits our friend the professor----" + +"Oh!" groaned Fortyfolios. + +"When he fell into the jaws of the tiger." + +The professor shuddered and looked very pale. + +"A tiger!" shouted Sir Curry. + +"Murder!" screamed Fortyfolios; and if Tourniquet had not laid hold of +him he would have tumbled off his seat. + +"I'm surprised a man of your sense should show so much fear, don't you +see," observed the doctor. + +"It is not fear, Doctor Tourniquet," replied the professor, endeavouring +to conceal his alarm with all the philosophy he possessed. "I do not +care about death, but I have a reasonable objection to being devoured. +As for the quality, impression, or emotion, which is usually called +fear, in a philosophical sense, I deny that in me it has ever had +existence." + +"A tiger!" again shouted Sir Curry. + +"Murder!" again screamed the professor; and he trembled so violently +that he caught hold of the framework of the seat to secure his position +on the elephant. The game now became very plentiful; and the hunt was +followed from one jungle through open vistas into another. Oriel entered +into the pursuit with ardour, but Zabra did not appear to join in it +with the least interest. He seemed to entertain the same objection to +being devoured as Fortyfolios, or else his anxiety for the safety of his +companion destroyed all pleasure in the chase. He became restless and +uneasy; but Oriel was so actively engaged in looking for and despatching +the game, that he did not notice the disquietude of his friend. They had +killed several tigers; and, having pursued a very large one out of the +jungle into an open valley, he there made a stand before a large banyan +tree. The hunters surrounded him, and he was crouching, lashing himself +with his tail, and preparing for a spring, as they approached. As soon +as they came within shooting distance, Oriel, Sir Curry, and Dr. +Tourniquet, fired; instantly, with a low half-stifled growl, the tiger +gave two or three prodigious bounds, and leaped upon the elephant upon +which Zabra was sitting; and immediately afterwards both were rolling +together among the long grass. The elephant, as soon as she observed +Zabra's danger, as if in gratitude for the attentions she had received +from him before starting for the hunt, turned round and ran at the tiger +as if with the intention of trampling him down. The young merchant, in +the anguish of the moment, at seeing his friend in the power of the +ferocious beast, had at first lost his presence of mind, but observing +that the elephant had succeeded in drawing the attention of the tiger +from his victim, he slipped off her back, and, with no other weapon +than his hunting sword, advanced to the place where the animal stood. +The elephant had made two or three rushes at the tiger, but had not +succeeded in getting him under her feet, and he was still crouching +beside the prostrate body of Zabra, when he observed the approach of +Oriel. + +"Let me have a shot at him, Master Porphyry," exclaimed his host. + +"You will be killed, don't you see, if you attack him with such a +useless weapon?" shouted Tourniquet. Oriel still advanced with his sword +firmly grasped, his arm raised, and his gaze fixed upon that of the +tiger. The savage beast curved his back and lashed his tail; his fur +became erect, and his eyes seemed flashing with an expression of the +most terrible ferocity. Oriel Porphyry still moved forward; and as the +tiger, with a low sharp growl, made a bound towards him, he leaped on +one side, and turning quickly round dealt a blow with all his force, +that severed the tendons of the animal's leg, as he reached the ground. +The brute howled with pain, and rushed with open mouth upon his +antagonist. The wound he had received prevented him from making a +spring, but he dashed furiously forward upon three legs, with looks +intent upon mischief. + +At this instant, the elephant made a rush at the tiger, and tumbled him +over to a considerable distance. Oriel again advanced towards him; and +lashing himself into a fiercer rage, the wounded beast prepared to dig +his claws and teeth into the body of his pursuer; but the young merchant +avoided all the desperate attempts the savage creature made to fasten +upon him, and inflicted upon his head and legs several severe wounds; +then, watching his opportunity, he brought down the sword with all his +strength upon his skull, and the tiger fell dead at his feet. + +When he turned round to hasten to Zabra's assistance, he found the +elephant trying to raise him from the ground with her trunk: and she +seemed as much concerned at the accident as any person there, and moved +him as gently, and looked in his face as anxiously, as the tenderest +nurse could have done. + +"Bravely fought, Master Porphyry!" exclaimed Sir Curry. "I never saw +finer sport; and you have shown yourself one of the best hunters I ever +met with. You shall have the skin, for you've well deserved it." + +"Are you much hurt, my dear Zabra?" he anxiously inquired, without +attending to his host's commendations, as he bent over the prostrate +body of his friend. A low groan was all the reply he received. "Dr. +Tourniquet!" shouted Oriel: but the doctor was standing at his side, +having hastened to the spot when he saw that his services were likely to +be required. + +"See what can be done immediately," added the young merchant earnestly. +"I'm almost afraid the brute has killed him." + +"It's not so bad as that, don't you see, for he breathes," observed the +surgeon. + +"But his dress is all over blood; therefore he must have received some +dangerous wounds," added Oriel. "Here; I'll undo his vest; and then we +can see the extent of the injury he has received." + +"Oh, no!" said the doctor, unceremoniously pushing him away. + +"Doctor Tourniquet, you behave very strangely, I think," said the other, +seemingly much offended. + +"I beg pardon, Master Porphyry," responded the doctor, apparently with +much confusion; "but it would be very dangerous to meddle with the +wounds now, don't you see." + +"They surely ought to be dressed without loss of time," remarked the +young merchant. + +"The patient has received a severe shock; and the state of the +atmosphere, and--and not having with me things necessary to dress the +wound, and--and many other things, make it advisable that the patient +should be put to bed before his hurts are examined," said the doctor, +attempting to hide his perplexity as well as he could. + +"I must say, I think it very strange," observed Oriel, not being able +to account for the embarrassment under which the doctor was evidently +labouring. + +"No harm done, I hope?" inquired Sir Curry, as he approached upon his +elephant. "I should be sorry to have another Lord Muligatawny affair." + +"There's no knowing what harm has been done; for I really cannot get my +surgeon to ascertain," replied the young merchant. + +"No! ah! that's strange," responded his host: "I always like to know the +worst. It's a great consolation." + +"Let us get out of this horrid place, or we shall all be eaten up by +wild beasts," exclaimed Fortyfolios, who was sitting, disconsolate and +uneasy on the top of his elephant. + +"Such a thing might be. I've known several persons whose ardour in +pursuit of game has made them food for tigers," remarked Sir Curry. +"Poor Lord Muligatawny was only one instance out of many." + +"Oh!" groaned the professor. + +"See, he revives!" exclaimed the doctor, directing attention to his +patient, whose eyes were gently unclosing. + +"Zabra! my dear Zabra! are you better?" asked Oriel, as he supported his +young friend's head on his shoulder. + +Zabra looked about him with a wild stare, till his eyes fell upon the +elephant, who had all the time been an attentive spectator of the scene, +and then, as if remembering what he had suffered, he gave a slight +convulsive shudder, and sunk back into the arms of his patron. + +"The tiger is dead, Zabra!" exclaimed Oriel. + +"I wish all tigers were dead," muttered Fortyfolios. + +"I think we had better place the patient on yonder elephant, and I will +accompany him till we return from whence we set out, when he can have +his wounds dressed, don't you see," said Dr. Tourniquet, who had +recovered from his confusion. + +"Yes, send him forward with some of my people," added Sir Curry Rajah; +"and you come with me, Master Porphyry, and I'll show you a preserve +where the tigers are as thick as monkeys on a cocoanut tree." + +"I've had quite enough of tiger hunting, I thank you," replied Oriel +Porphyry, very seriously; then directing his attention to his young +friend, he exclaimed--"Zabra! are you better now?" + +The youth opened his long eye-lashes, and gazed upon his patron, as +if recognising his voice, and then in a low whisper said, "Yes, I am +better, Oriel." + +"Will you let Dr. Tourniquet examine your wounds, Zabra? We want to know +how much you are hurt." + +"Oh no! oh no!" he replied hastily, "Not now, not now, Oriel. Not now." + +"This is very strange," observed the young merchant, unable to find +a reason for an objection to a thing that seemed so requisite. "Very +strange--but you can let us know what injury you have received." + +"My back and arms are lacerated," responded Zabra. "But they do not pain +me so much as they did. Dr. Tourniquet shall see to them when I return, +and perhaps you can allow him to remain with me in case I should want +his assistance before. You can then return with the professor." + +Oriel Porphyry appeared surprised, but he gave orders to the +attendants, who had been unconcerned spectators of the scene; and, +having lifted Zabra upon the elephant, who seemed delighted to regain +his burthen, the whole party returned to the country house of Sir Curry +Rajah. + + + + +CHAP. X. + +ILLUSTRATIONS OF THE DANGER OF GOOD INTENTIONS. + + +"I tell you what it is, Boggle," said Climberkin to his friend, as they +were pacing the quarter-deck together, "You're al'ays getting yourself +into scrapes. You've got a notion as you can do things in the most tip +top manner, and you make a reg'lar mommock of every thin' you sets +about." + +"All I knows o' the matter is, that I likes to ha' 'ticular notions o' +things in general, as every man as is a man, and thinks like a man, +should," replied the other. "But I arn't such a stoop as to allow every +body to come his handy dandy sugarcandy over me. I knows a marlin spike +from a gun carriage." + +"But there was no 'casion for you to 'noy the cap'ain by comin' the +high and mighty over his nevey," observed Climberkin. + +"Well, I did it for the best," responded his companion. "You see the +young chap arn't quite up to his dooty; so I thought, as I was his +superior officer, it was the most properest thing in natur for me to +tell him what's what. But I recomembered as young people has feelings, +and that it would be best to make my 'munication as pleasant as +possible; so the next time I comed alongside Mr. Midshipman Loop, I +says, quite delicately, says I, you're a lubberly young son of a sea +cow, as arn't fit to do nuffin but to count your fingers, or cut your +toe-nails. You're al'ays a skylarking arter some precious mischief or +another. No matter whether you're aloft among the reefers, or down +below, right-fol-de-dolin' at the mess, you're up to no sort o' good +whatsomdever. I arn't no patience wi' sich varmint; and if you don't +do your dooty in a less 'jectionable sort o' fashion, I'm pretty +considerably spiflicated if I don't make sich a report o' your +wagabondisings as shall make you catch more toko than you'll be able to +digest in a month. Well, instead of the fellow being grateful for the +handsome way in which I'd tried not to hurt none o' his feelins, he +looks at me w' as much water in his eyes as 'ould do to wash his face +in; and in a short time arterwards up comes the cap'ain, and gives me +sich a sittin' down as didn't leave me a leg to stand on." + +"You'd been too hard upon the young un," observed Climberkin: "there was +no necessity for speaking so sharp." + +"It's always the way I gets served out whenever I attempts to do a good +action," replied Boggle. "Nobody has better intentions nor I have; but, +somehow or another, whenever I've 'tempted to do a fellow a good turn, +the end on it is the treatment I meets wi' gives me sich a turn as puts +me into a perfect 'stonishment." + +"You don't go the right way to work, Boggle--that's it, depend on't," +replied his companion. + +"The right way!" exclaimed Boggle. "Why, I've been this way, and that +way, and t'other way--backards and forards--right and left--upside down +and round the corners; and I should like to know what other way there +is in this here univarsal world? No; the thing is this: there's a plank +started some where. Natur don't go right wi' me. I've had a deal o' +'sperience in my time, and every 'dividual thing has been sarved up to +me wi' the same sauce." + +"I should like to hear the long and the short o' your goin's on," said +Climberkin. + +"Why, as to that, I've a notion the whole circumbendibus o' my history +is as good as a sermon," replied the other. + +"Well, let's hear it then, Boggle, if you've no objection," added his +companion. + +"Then here goes, if you'll sit down on this gun; for, though I've heard +o' a standin' joke, I should think a standin' story would be rather a +tiresome sort o' thing. It's no matter when or where I was launched," +continued Boggle; "and about my parentage, its only necessary to say, +I had a father and a mother, like other folks. Well, in due time I was +bound a 'prentice to a ship's carpenter. I very early entertained a +desire to set people to rights as was goin' wrong. I thought there was +nuffin so pleasant as tryin' to do good, and I took hold of every +'portunity to benefit my fellow-creturs. Master was a punch-your-head +sort o' character, wi' one eye and a leg-o'-mutton fist; and missus was +a spirited little ooman, mighty famous in her way; but if you did get +in her way, she pretty soon made you get out of it. Well, when master +wasn't a punchin' my head, missus was a boxin' my ears; and when missus +wasn't a boxin' my ears, master was a punchin' my head; and when they +were tired o' sarvin' me out, they turned to and sarved each other out. +I led a lovely life, as you may suppose." + +"A dog would ha' been better off, I should think," observed Climberkin. + +"I had a heart overflowin' wi' the buttermilk o' human kindness," +continued the lieutenant; "and I didn't like sich a state o' things, no +how. I entertained a notion that the only way to change this here strife +was to endeavour to create feelin's o' love betwixt the parties; but how +to get 'em to like each other, instead of to lick each other, was the +difficulty. 'If I can make 'em believe each other's affection, I shall +make a reg'lar Cupid and physic business of it,' thought I. But how +could I make 'em believe? Where was the proof? I had always heard as +jealousy was a proof o' love; so I determined to make 'em as jealous as +was possible. Well, I took a 'casion to hint to master as missus was +unkimmonly amiable to Brisket, the butcher over the way; and, although +Brisket, the butcher over the way, warn't no more a object o' love nor a +rhinoceros, I could see master's one eye flashin' about like a bundle o' +crackers in a kitchen fire; and he told me to watch their canouvres +and 'municate to him any thing as was likely to interfere wi' his +conjugalities; and, as a more nor ordinary mark o' his 'preciation o' my +regard for his matrimonial blessedness, he took me a punch o' the head +twice as hard as ever he'd given me afore." + +"You had the luck of it!" remarked his companion. + +"Then I went to missus, and, in the most delicatest manner as could be, +I gave her to suppose that there was a monstrous deal o' improperiety +going forard betwixt master and Mrs. Brisket, the butcher's wife over +the way; and, although Mrs. Brisket, the butcher's wife over the way, +was about as good looking as a toad-fish, missus seemed quite done +brown o' both sides; and, tellin' me to gi' her due notice o' their +clandasterous proceedin's, she fetched me a box o' the ear, as made the +inside o' my head seem turned into curds and whey. Well, I continued +this sort o' game till, if jealousy be a proof o' love, they ought to +ha' been convinced beyond a doubt, and, as a matter o' course, should +have been as lovin' as turtle-doves: but, 'straordinary to relate, he +punched her head, and she boxed his ears, more earnestly than ever, all +the time throwing out 'sinuations that stirred each other up into the +most tarnationest fury. One unfortunit day, when I was workin' away in +the shop, and they were workin' away in the same place, they suddenly +stopped their hands to make use o' their tongues. + +"'I knows your goin's on over the way, you wretch,' squeaked missus. + +"'And I knows _your_ goin's on over the way, you trollope,' bawled +master. + +"'I'll kill that woman,' cried one. + +"'And I'll murder Brisket!' said the other. + +"'It's false, you villain! I defy you to prove your words. But you know +my suspicions are well founded,' exclaimed the wife. + +"'It's false, you hussy! and you know it,' shouted the husband. + +"'I had the intelligence from the best authority, sir.' + +"'I had mine from a source that dared not deceive me, madam.' + +"'Who told you?' was simultaneously asked by both; and 'Boggle!' was +the reply in almost the same breath. Immediately they turned upon me. I +could see master's eye lookin' at me as if he was about to walk down my +throat; and missus--but it's only necessary to say that I made a sudden +bolt between master's legs, managed to tumble him over her; and while +they were sprawlin' together, I was crossin' all manner o' streets, +at a pace that sent every body out o' my way. That was the end o' my +'prenticeship; and thus my good intentions were so 'bominably +frusterated." + +"And what did you do then?" inquired Climberkin. + +"I went to live wi' an uncle," replied Boggle. "He kept a +knife-and-forkery. Meat of all kinds, ready cooked, was waiting for the +hungry at any hour, with vegetables in season and out o' season; soups +of all sorts, and some of very strange sorts; with mustard, bread, +pepper, and salt. I continued at this business a considerable time, and +liked it much better nor the ship carpenterin'; and I gained a good many +'ticular notions o' things in general: indeed, I may say, without any +sinnivation against the sort o' meat we sold, as how I became a slap +bang judge o' horse-flesh. I still continued 'deavourin' to set things +right as was goin' t'other way; but the same sort o' fun al'ays happened +as when I 'tempted to make jealousy become a proof o' love: I got no +more gratitude nor would serve a flea to lie down upon. Well, it so +happened as our customers was frequently in the habit o' complainin' o' +dyspepsia. Every body had dyspepsia: long or short, little or big, fat +or lean, every mortal cretur talked o' nothin' else but his dyspepsia. +Some said it was all acause o' their diet, and they detarmined to make a +reg'lar change in their eatables; so havin' been used to nothin' else +but mutton and beef, they directly began to eat nothin' else but beef +and mutton. And some said it was one thing, and some said it was +another; and some said it was just exactly neither. Now, I knowed about +as much o' dyspepsia as I did o' the top o' the moon; but I seed as +there was a screw loose somewhere, and I was nat'rally anxious to put it +in proper order. So I got hold of a book as gived explanations in the +most popular incomprehensible manner about diet and regimen, and what +you should eat and what you shouldn't eat; and how much you might put in +your bread-room, and how much you might let alone; and there I met with +the whole complete circumbendibus about dyspepsia." + +"And what was it?" inquired his companion. + +"Why, I can't exactly say what it was," replied Boggle, "acause the +book didn't exactly tell me; but I found out as every fellow as had it +should be reg'lar as clock-work in his eatables, and should have no more +nor a sartain quantity at no time. So I began 'deavourin' to cure the +dyspepsia. I hadn't the power to make 'em reg'late their jaw tackle +accordin' to the book; but I took precious good care as every one should +have a sartain quantity. Whether a fellow could eat a horse, or hadn't +a appetite no more nor a blue bottle, I sarved 'em all wi' a sartain +quantity. Acause why? It was good for their dyspepsia. But they kicked +up such a bobbery! The big eaters got into a devourin' rage, and they +left the shop, swearing I was a tryin' to pick their pockets. Ungrateful +wretches! I was only a tryin' to cure their dyspepsia. And the little +eaters were so very few in comparison, that, if they had remained +satisfied wi' my treatment, their custom would have been of no sort o' +significance; but, acause I gived them more nor their money's worth, +they quitted the place, saying it was too cheap to be good, and that +I was only a wantin' to poisen 'em. Ignorant creturs! I was only a +wantin' to cure their dyspepsia! Well, my uncle was in a reg'lar take in +at the loss o' his business: it put him into as complete a botheration +as ever you seed. He was a man o' very few words, but was unkimmon handy +upon occasions; and, seein' or fancyin' summut wasn't correct, he +watched my goin's on; and one day he cotched me a sarving out a sartain +quantity to a fellow who didn't want quite so much. So he axed me what +I was arter; and I up and I told him all about the dyspepsia; and all +about my attemptin' to cure it; and all about my sarvin' out a sartain +quantity to every body as comed to the shop. Well, afore I'd got to the +end o' my story, my uncle, in the most unnat'ral way as could be, took +up a stick as was handy, and he sarved _me_ out wi' a sartain quantity, +till I was obligated to make all sail out o' the shop." + +"Accordin' to my notions, it wasn't a bit more nor you deserved," +remarked the unsympathising Climberkin. + +"What, not for trying to cure the dyspepsia!" loudly exclaimed the +other. + +"Not for trying to cure nothin'," was the reply. "But what became o' you +arter that?" + +"Why, my friends thought my notions o' things in general not likely to +come to no good ashore, so they took it into their heads to send me +afloat," responded his companion. "My first voyage lasted long enough +to give me a tolerable smartish insight into the nautical; but I was +continually wantin' to set things right, and my good intentions were as +continually a sarving me out wi' a sartain quantity. Now, this might ha' +made any fellow but me tired o' tryin' to benefit his fellow-creturs: +but I wasn't a chap o' that sort; and I still went on, as sarcumstances +required, 'tempting to do lots o' good, and gettin' in return nothin' +but lots o' bad. Well, when I came ashore in my native place, I was +rather a hold-your-head-up sort o' young chap; and, havin' some money +to spend, I swaggered about the streets most consumedly, and fancied +as every gal I cotched sight on was thinkin' o' nothin' in natur' but +lookin' arter me. So I thought as a matter o' course I'd look arter +them. I just did. As I had 'ticular notions o' things in general, as +every man as is a man, and thinks like a man, should have, I thought +it would be cruel to the rest o' the she creturs if I confined my +attentions to one: consequently, I went a courtin' away like a +steam-engine to all as I could meet. I had 'em o' all sorts and sizes, +colours and complexions--scraggy or squab--longs or shorts--it made not +a bit o' difference--as long as they were inclined to be fond o' me, I +was inclined to be fond o' them. I had the best intentions--I thought o' +nothin' but makin' 'em happy; and the more happiness as I could make, +the more good I thought I was a doing. Well, somehow or other, things +began to look queer, and every one on 'em was a wantin' me to marry 'em. +Now, there was a law again a fellow marryin' more nor one wife; and I +knew as if I married one it would be unkimmonly unjust to the rest. +This my 'ticular notion o' things in general wouldn't allow. I still +entertained the best intentions; so thinkin' as if they knowed the +rights o' the case they would see the impossibility o' my agreein' to +their wishes, I, unbeknown to the others, invited every one to meet +me under a large tree, a little way out o' the town, in the branches +o' which I hid myself very snug, to diskiver the upshot. First one +came--then came another--and number one looked at number two in all +sorts o' ways. Then came a third, and the two looked at number three in +all sorts o' ways. Then came a fourth, a fifth, a sixth--ay, I may as +well acknowledge at once as how they came to a matter o' twenty; and +they all looked at one another in all sorts o' ways. At last, one on +'em, as I knowed to be a bit o' a spit-fire, spoke up. + +"'Ladies,' says she, 'may I ask what brought you all here?' + +"'I came to meet Boggle,' said one. + +"'I came to meet Boggle,' said another. + +"'I came to meet Boggle,' said all. + +"'You came to meet Boggle, you hussy!' exclaimed every one in the whole +lot; and, in less than a jiffy, caps flew about, dresses were torn, and +there was the most considerable shindy that ever was known in this here +univarsal world. Now, I had the best intentions. I only thought o' +creatin' as much happiness as I could. I never had no suspicion as my +notions o' things in general could ha' led to such a revolution. And +when I seed 'em all one a top o' t' other, a pummelling, a scratching, +and screeching like so many wild cats, I was taken quite comical; and, +missing my hold upon the bough, I tumbled right down into the very midst +on 'em. Directly as they caught eyes o' me they left off fighting. 'I +shall settle the matter comfortably at last,' thought I. Miserable +Boggle that I was! how I did deceive myself! In the next moment they all +flew at me like a lot o' tigers, and they scratched me up, and they +scratched me down, and they scratched me sideways--they pulled every +hair out o' my head, and they tore my clothes into bits not big enough +to cover a pincushion; and they didn't leave my unfortunate body till +they thought they had killed me out and out." + +"I should think that ought to have sickened you o' goin' a courtin'," +remarked Climberkin, unable to restrain his mirth. + +"Sickened!" exclaimed the other; "the very sight o' a she cretur makes +me as good as done for. Why, I was obliged to be laid up in lavender for +a month. I became as tender as a chicken, and every bone I possessed +seemed to have been smashed into porridge. And this was all in return +for my 'deavourin' to make 'em happy! If this arn't a most ungrateful +world I'm a nigger!" + +"And what followed this adventure?" inquired his companion. + +"Oh, don't ask me!" replied Boggle, very gravely: "I haven't the heart +to go on. But it was all the same. Still from time to time I thought o' +setting things to rights; and on every 'portunity I was rewarded for my +good intentions wi' exactly a similar sort o' treatment." + +"Here comes the governor!" said the other, as he noticed Oriel and his +party approaching; and the two young men hastily left their seats on the +gun-carriage to attend to their duty in the ship. + +"What coast is this, captain," asked the young merchant, pointing to the +shore that lay at the distance of a few miles. + +"That is the coast of Arabia," replied Hearty. + +"A part of the world rendered particularly interesting to the +philosopher by the many important incidents which, from the early +history of the world, have there occurred," added the professor. "Here +the chariots of Pharaoh, pursuing the fugitive Jews, were ingulfed in +the waters of the Red Sea; and yonder is the land where, after their +escape, the children of Israel wandered during their weary pilgrimage." + +"Yes, the religion of Moses may be said to have had its origin here; +and here, also, the religion of Mahomet was created, don't you see," +remarked the doctor. "This is the land of Mecca and Medina: this is the +land which, during the darkness of the middle ages, evinced the first +dawn of civilisation that gave light to the world--the land of Arabian +literature--of Arabian chivalry--of Arabian science and art. I cannot +say that I honour the character of their prophet; and I detest the way +in which his religion was promulgated as I detest every religion or +every form of faith that may be called a religion, which has had its +foundation upon bloodshed, rapine, and persecution. But, looking to +the effects produced by the diffusion of the absurdities of the Koran +wherever the arms of the Mahometans could penetrate, I must say that it +has created more good than many religions which have since obtained more +consideration." + +"What! shall the Barbarians who destroyed the Alexandrian library be +held up to admiration?" exclaimed Fortyfolios, indignantly. "Shall they +who desolated wherever they went, among those who would not acknowledge +their pretended prophet, be considered benefactors to their species? I +cannot think you are in earnest, Doctor Tourniquet." + +"But I am in earnest, don't you see," replied the doctor. "I would take +and compare the state of Mahometanism in Arabia, with the state of +Christianity at the same time in any part of the world--suppose we say +from the commencement of the seventh century, during the rule of the +Abbaside caliphs, till as late as the reign of the Ommeyide caliphs in +Spain?" + +"But we must look to the opposite shore for the land from which all +intelligence proceeded," observed the professor. "Egypt was the cradle +of the arts and sciences; and her advances in knowledge preceded those +of Arabia by many centuries." + +"And, doubtless, the advances made in India and China preceded those of +Egypt by about the same time, don't you see," added the doctor. "If we +would seek the origin of philosophy, we must, of course, find it among +the first people; and there is every reason to suppose that the earliest +inhabitants of this globe were located in India." + +"That is doubtful," replied Fortyfolios. "But the Egyptians are at +least entitled to the credit of having, at an early period, carried +the mechanical arts to purposes the magnitude of which have never been +exceeded; and the degree of excellence they attained in philosophy +and learning is sufficient to make us regard them with a profound +veneration." + +"We can only judge of the tree by the fruit, don't you see," responded +Tourniquet. "All I know is, that the Egyptians distinguished themselves +by erecting the most magnificent fooleries that had ever been conceived. +Of what use were their pyramids--their colossal statues and stupendous +monuments--their gigantic idols--their vast temples, and elaborate +sculptures? Superior knowledge did exist certainly, for they were +the teachers of the Jews and of the Greeks; and, although the latter +surpassed their instructors, they have still a claim upon our +admiration. But the priests were the depositors of this knowledge, and +they wrapped it up in mystery so cleverly, that it was of no use to the +people, among whom it ought to have been distributed, and was of just +the same advantage to posterity when both priests and people were +crumbling into dust." + +"Are we not approaching the grand water communication that carries the +Red Sea into the Mediterranean?" inquired Oriel Porphyry. + +"Ah! there's some sense in that!" exclaimed the doctor. "It beats the +wonders of Thebes to nothing; and yet there could not have been more +labour employed upon it than must have been used to erect that vast +city." + +"Under what circumstances did it originate?" asked the young merchant. + +"After the Russians had made themselves masters of Constantinople," said +Fortyfolios, "the Turkish empire gradually dwindled into insignificance; +but the territory of their conquerors had become so immense, that it +was impossible, even at the expense of a military power scarcely ever +equalled, to keep it together. Symptoms of dissolution began to show +themselves. The native Russians, who had gradually risen from a state +of abject servitude to one in which a strong love of liberty became +its greatest characteristic, grew restless and dissatisfied with their +government, and were continually endeavouring to force it to become more +liberal. The frequent disturbances which arose in consequence kept the +country very unsettled; and there was a powerful party in the state, +that, being opposed to the policy of those in authority, aided in +creating the public disaffection. At this time, when the government +was fully employed by its own internal disorganisation, several of the +conquered provinces threw off their allegiance. Of these, the most +successful were Poland and Greece. There arose amongst the Greeks a man +of extraordinary valour, wisdom, and soldiership, who, from the petty +leader of an insurrection, had become the chief of the national armies; +and, having succeeded in driving the Russians from his country, was +unanimously elected its king. But the independence of Greece did not +satisfy the ambition of this conqueror. He knew that the military ardour +of his countrymen required to be constantly exercised; and, leaving his +kingdom to the wisdom of his counsellors, he led a mighty armament into +the enemy's possessions in Turkey. Battle after battle was here fought +with the same result. The heroic Greeks drove all before them; besieged +and took Constantinople, in which they planted a colony; conquered +their way through Asia Minor, and, entering the subjected province of +Persia, excited the inhabitants to revolt: nor did they desist from +their triumphant career till they had become masters of the walls of +Petersburgh. At the same time the Poles, having taken up arms, they not +only succeeded in relieving their country from the iron bondage in which +it had so long been enslaved, but, in concert with the Greeks, invaded +the lands of their conquerors, and in many a sanguinary battle revenged +the wrongs they had endured." + +"Did the Greek conqueror stop when he had subdued the Russians?" +inquired Oriel Porphyry, who seemed to listen with intense interest. + +"No conqueror will halt in his career while he imagines there is any +thing to subdue," replied Fortyfolios. "The devotion with which the +Greeks regarded their chief gave him absolute power over the lives and +liberties of his subjects, and they wanted no inducement to follow him +in the pursuit of glory. Wherever he led they crowded to his standard. +He had but to declare his wish and armies were at his command. At this +period Egypt was a fertile and flourishing kingdom. The English and +French had vainly endeavoured to subdue it. They had made conquests +and formed settlements: but when these two great empires decayed, the +conquests were given up, and the settlements abandoned. Since then, +under its own rulers, the people had advanced in prosperity, and had +become powerful among the surrounding nations. This country the Greeks +invaded. They met with desperate resistance; but after a frightful +destruction of human life, and making the prosperous kingdom a +wilderness, they succeeded in bringing the Egyptians into subjection, +and planted a colony near the mouths of the Nile. This new colony throve +rapidly; as after the death of the conqueror a long interval of peace +ensued, and the population increasing rapidly, thousands emigrated to +the shores of Egypt and of Turkey. In little more than a century the +colonies threw off the supremacy of the mother-country, and although +many attempts were made to force them to acknowledge their dependency, +they did not succeed, and now they have become free states, scarcely +inferior in importance to the great empires of Columbia and Australia; +while of the great European nations that flourished a thousand years +ago, Spain, Italy, and Portugal, are in a semi-barbarous condition; +France, after having tried a hundred different forms of government, is +split into a dozen little republics, each trying to destroy the other, +and all acknowledging the supremacy of the German empire, the most +powerful of the European states, having a territory stretching from the +Rhine to the Vistula and from the English channel to the Adriatic sea. +The state of England you will be better able to comprehend during the +visit you are about to make to its shores than any description I can +give you: but I must return to the Greek colony in Egypt. Its population +increased rapidly, and the intelligence of the people seemed to increase +with their numbers. They built many new cities, but by far the largest +and most magnificent of them is the city of Athenia, which was erected +on the borders of the lake Menzaleb. The colonists having turned their +attention to commerce, for many years had considered the advantages that +would accrue to their city if they could open a communication with the +Mediterranean on one side, and with the Gulf of Suez on the other. This +idea, if it were practicable, they saw would give them facilities of +traffic which no country could surpass; and all their thoughts were +anxiously turned towards the realisation of this splendid scheme. But +the project was so gigantic that the most skilful engineers pronounced +it impracticable. At last, one more bold than the rest published a plan +by which he said it might be accomplished, with an enormous capital, a +considerable interval of time, and the application of immense labour. +The plan was considered, and, after much discussion, approved of. Funds +were collected, a multitude of labourers were employed, and the work +commenced by cutting a broad channel through the Isthmus of Suez, +and from the Lake to the Mediterranean. In twenty years from its +commencement the waters mingled together, and in fifty years Athenia was +one of the busiest sea-ports, and one of the most magnificent cities in +the world." + +"And its inhabitants are the wisest and the happiest people on the +globe, don't you see," added the doctor. "They allow no superstitious +follies to cramp the energies of their minds. They act and think as +become men and not slaves. Their laws are simple, few, and admirably +adapted to their wants. Their sociality is perfect, their morality +unrivalled, their intelligence exceeds that of any other people beneath +the sun. As for their form of faith, nothing can equal its philosophy, +for they maintain that philanthropy is the only religion, and that the +true worship of God is doing good to man." + +"Those are the principles my father entertains," observed the young +merchant. + +"They may truly be called a nation of philanthropists," continued the +surgeon. "There is philanthropy in their laws--there is philanthropy +in their government--there is philanthropy in their dealings one with +another. From the cradle to the grave the object of all is to teach good +or to practise it; and such things as hate, deceit, envy, avarice, and +all the black catalogue of vices that stain other nations are to them +unknown." + +"They are a people worthy of being studied," said Oriel. + +"Studied! they ought to be got by heart, by every nation on the face of +the globe, don't you see," replied Dr. Tourniquet. "There is nothing in +nature so refreshing to the sight. It makes one in love with humanity. +It dissolves all the freezing selfishness that the prejudices of +education have created upon our feelings, and allows us to enjoy the +sunshine and the gladness of a free and unalterable sympathy for all +our race. It is under such circumstances, and under such only, that man +becomes what he was created to be--a creature eminently happy, enjoying +moderately all his inclinations, pleased with the pleasures of others, +and liberally sharing his own: knowing neither fear, nor crime, nor +want, nor folly; suffering from few diseases, and those only the most +ordinary afflictions of existence; entertaining no idea of emulation +but that of endeavouring to exceed one another in doing good; having +no interest in any property apart from the interest of the community; +possessing no attachment to any object or place which is not shared +by those around him--and while looking neither to the past nor to the +future with either hope or fear, endeavouring to make the present +as beneficial to himself and others, as with a kind, a just, and a +reasonable way of life the present can be made. And this is what I call +a perfect state of society, don't you see." + + + + +CHAP. XI. + +ATHENIA. + + +A party, consisting of the two philosophers, Oriel Porphyry, Zabra, and +a stranger, were proceeding in an elegant open carriage through the +crowded streets of Athenia. The stranger was a man of about fifty, of +noble mien, and lofty stature. There was a classic purity in the outline +of his face, that became more pleasing to the gazer from its being +accompanied by features of the most benevolent expression. A mild and +graceful spirit seemed shining in every look; and none could behold his +clear expansive forehead without feeling a conviction that he stood in +the presence of an intelligence of the highest order. A white turban was +carefully folded over his brows, covering the lower portion of a small +velvet cap that fitted close to the head. The upper part of his body +was robed in several vests, or short jackets, made of different stuffs, +in elegant patterns, each being of a different fabric and colour; and +beneath these an under garment, of remarkably fine linen, might be +observed. The waist was bound round with a rich silken sash, the ends +of which hung down on the left side; and below it, in very full folds, +descended to the knees a garment of a thick fabric, of a white colour +till near the skirt, where there appeared three narrow bands of light +blue: leggings of thin silk descended to the feet, which were cased in +shoes of fine leather; and an ample robe of embroidered purple cloth +hung loose from the shoulders. + +"This is a magnificent street," remarked the young merchant, noticing a +line of palaces that stretched for a considerable distance on each side +of him. + +"What noble porticoes--what lofty domes--what a beauty and harmony there +is in the arrangement of every building!" exclaimed Zabra. "Surely they +are inhabited by a race of princes." + +"Of what are usually called princes, we know nothing," said the stranger +mildly. "This is the street of our great men. Here dwell our most +illustrious poets, philosophers, artists, and men of science." + +"Can it be possible?" asked Fortyfolios. "How do they manage to acquire +such splendid dwellings?" + +"When a citizen has shown by his works," resumed the stranger, "that he +possesses those intellectual powers that most ennoble human nature, the +public, out of gratitude for the gratifications they receive from his +superior intelligence, place him in a situation where he can be most +honoured, and where his own pleasures may correspond in degree with the +pleasures he is creating." + +"Nothing can be more wise, don't you see," said the doctor; "and it has +been a disgrace to all civilised nations that their men of intellect, +the only nobles that any society can possess, have been so little cared +for, that few have ever enjoyed an adequate return for the labour and +the wealth they were bestowing upon their country. Rarely have they +been held in the estimation which their superiority in the only true +greatness which can distinguish humanity ought to command; and a vast +number have been left to battle with a selfish world, till, having +endured every species of suffering that can most afflict their sensitive +natures, steeped to the lips in poverty, weary and heartbroken, they lie +down in some obscure corner and die." + +"We could not practise such injustice," observed the stranger; "and I am +surprised that any people should exist who know so little of their true +interests as to act in so unwise a manner. It is our object to enlighten +the community as much as may be possible; and knowing that the increase +of intelligence, when properly directed, is productive of a similar +increase of happiness, we naturally endeavour to testify to those who +are labouring to produce our felicity the interest we take in the +creation of theirs: we therefore consider them as benefactors, clothe +them with dignity, surround them with honour, allow them to have no want +ungratified, and convey within their reach every enjoyment that can make +their lives glide on without a care, a regret, or a disappointment. The +consequence has been, that the gifted, observing the estimation in which +excellence is held, strive with all their energies to become worthy of +the same distinction. From this cause our buildings have become the +finest in the world--our works of art have become the finest in the +world--the most wonderful discoveries exceed each other in every branch +of science--and in every department of philosophy some new and amazing +effort of genius is continually making itself manifest." + +"What a desirable state of things!" exclaimed Oriel. + +"But how do the people profit by their generosity?" inquired the +professor. + +"Rather say by their gratitude," observed the stranger. "Knowledge is +imparted freely. There are free lectures, in which our great men make +public all the information that may most enlighten a community; books +are published on every subject, and distributed freely to those who +require them; and their authors, having no inclination ungratified, +and finding their greatest pleasure in diffusing the intelligence they +possess, employ their powers with nobler feelings than in other nation +the desire of money as an object of reward, or a means of existence, can +under any circumstances create; and the people, enjoying the wholesome +pleasures thus liberally conveyed to them, have neither inclination nor +time to contract vicious propensities, and follow the daily business of +life with pure hearts, and minds open to every ennobling impression." + +"They must enjoy an extraordinary amount of happiness," observed Zabra. + +"With what is usually called misery they are entirely ignorant," +replied the stranger; "for as all their time is employed in the +right application of the means of enjoyment, they create no wrong; +consequently they cannot produce anything but happiness." + +"Worthy Sophos!" exclaimed Fortyfolios. "In the streets through which we +have passed, although I have noticed every sort of warehouse and shop +for the purposes of trade, I have not seen any place for the sale of +intoxicating liquors; and among all the public buildings I have beheld, +I have not met with any thing which, from its appearance, I could +consider a prison." + +"Intoxicating liquors we neither buy nor sell," replied Sophos. "The +pure beverage which nature has provided so liberally for our enjoyment, +confers upon us both health and pleasure; and although the indulgence of +every natural inclination is allowed, any intemperance in the enjoyment +of an appetite is punished with immediate and general disgrace; the +sensualist, the glutton, or the drunkard is avoided as unworthy to +associate with his fellow men, and the instances of such offences being +committed are so rare, that they are now looked upon as altogether +unnatural. As for prisons we do not want them; we have no use for them. +Such offences as crimes against life, or crimes against property; +crimes against the individual, or crimes against the state, are so few +that if we were to build a prison, we should find some difficulty in +getting in it a single inhabitant. We have long known that prisons do +not prevent crime. We are aware that wherever there have been the most +prisons, there have been the greatest number of criminals; and beholding +in the experience of ages the inutility of punishment as a preventive +to criminality, we came to the conclusion, that the only sure way of +preventing a man becoming a criminal, is to remove from his path all +temptations to crime. Every citizen having the free enjoyment of every +inclination, cannot possibly have a want that interferes with the +interests of the community; and we are exceedingly careful throughout +the educational course of life to prevent the existence of any +inclination that may be hurtful either to the individual or to the +society to which he belongs." + +"Is this one of your religious edifices?" inquired Oriel, pointing to a +large building supported by elegant pillars, and having the appearance +of the highest degree of architectural excellence. + +"It is, and it is not," replied Sophos, with a smile. "It is a religious +edifice, inasmuch as it is well calculated to assist in establishing +religious impressions, and it is used for the purpose of conveying moral +instruction to the hearts of those who enter its walls: and it is not a +religious edifice, because it is connected with no mystery, and is no +place for monks and priests, grovelling superstitions, and unmeaning +ceremonies. But you shall examine the interior." With these words he +ordered the carriage to be driven up to the gates, and the party +alighting, entered the edifice. + +Having passed through lofty folding doors, they were ushered along a +vaulted hall of immense extent and admirable proportions. It was lighted +from the top by windows that spread around the whole circumference of +the dome in a series of circles, between which the roof was supported by +gigantic figures of white marble. The walls were painted in fresco, +with a variety of subjects executed in the first style of art, and the +object of every painting appeared to be to elevate the human mind into a +love of practical benevolence. Nothing barbarous, nothing cruel, nothing +unjust, nothing coarse, nothing that could create an unpleasant feeling, +had here been introduced; but all that was affectionate and true, and +pure and excellent, had been seized by the plastic genius of the artist, +and fixed in undying colours upon the wall. + +In the different divisions that separated these pictures appeared short +moral maxims and philosophical sentences. Every religion seemed to have +furnished some portion of the instruction here conveyed. Near the truths +of Christianity might be observed the wisdom of Islamism; the Proverbs +of Solomon had a place by the side of the maxims of Zoroaster, and the +wisdom of Confucius was inscribed opposite the philosophy of Socrates. +Wherever the eye turned it caught something worthy of contemplation, and +whatever the mind contemplated it found impressive, unanswerable, and +impossible to be forgotten. + +"What place do you call this?" inquired Oriel of his conductor. + +"It is called the Hall of Wisdom and of Humanity," replied the stranger. +"And here, if the soul is fretted by pain or sorrow, or the heart yearns +for some refreshing influence, comes the citizen from the busy toils of +life, and gazing on these tokens of a benevolent power, and studying +these signs of a comprehensive intelligence, he finds that both his +heart and mind are strengthened--a love of excellence pervades all his +nature, and he passes back to the world with a cheerful spirit, giving +and partaking gladness." + +"What are the principles of your religion?" asked Fortyfolios. + +"The principles of our religion are the best principles of every +religion that has existed from the creation of the world," responded +Sophos. "We found every variety of faith could produce something +profitable. The worst religion has brought forth good men, good women, +and good citizens, and surrounded by the most degrading superstitions, +we invariably found some truth worthy of general appreciation. We also +found that the most enlightened religions produced bad men, bad women, +and bad citizens, and discovered amid the most wholesome truths they +endeavoured to inculcate, some pernicious superstition that destroyed +the efficacy of their doctrines. This led to a consideration of their +separate natures, and upon careful examination we discovered that from +the earliest ages, all people had been doing the same thing under +different names. They had personified two opposing principles--the +principle of good and the principle of evil, which they had worshipped. +In many religious systems the machinery was more complicated than in +others, but all were easily traced to the same source." + +"Impossible!" exclaimed the professor. + +"The names of God and Devil," continued Sophos, "are so obviously +modified from good and evil, and the attributes of each power are so +completely the attributes of each principle, that nothing more need be +said of their connection. They are the same things: as principles they +are the light and shadow of the moral world; as deities, the Alpha and +Omega of Christianity and Judaism. Vishnu the Preserver, and Siva the +Destroyer, the most important members of the Hindoo Pantheon--the +Ahrimanes and Ormuzd of Zoroaster, and the Fire Worshippers of +Persia--the Osiris and Typhon of the Egyptians--the Jupiter and Pluto of +the Greeks--and the great idols of every form of worship that had at any +time of the world existed, are but personifications of the opposing +principles good and evil." + +"Not a doubt of it, don't you see," remarked Doctor Tourniquet. + +"I do not believe anything of the kind," observed Fortyfolios: "it's +heathenish, abominable, and atheistical." + +"Having made this analysis," continued the stranger, without attending +to the interruptions he had received, "we came to the determination of +making these principles our form of faith; that is to say, we made our +doctrines those of benevolence. Good was our God--Philanthropy was our +religion; and doing good became the way in which we endeavoured to +worship the Deity. The good principle is around us at all times while +we live, and creates our felicity, and produces the pleasures of those +around us; and death is the evil principle, which puts an end to the +happiness we were enjoying and creating." + +"What is your form of government?" inquired Oriel. + +"Our supreme head is called the Optimus, or the Best," replied Sophos. +"He is addressed by the title of our Benefactor the Optimus, and is +elevated to that dignity in consequence of his having distinguished +himself above his fellow-citizens by the superior excellence of his +wisdom and greatness of his philanthropy. He is assisted in the duties +of the government by an assembly of two hundred of the most experienced, +the wisest, and the best of his fellow-countrymen, who are called +Fathers; and from this assembly the people always choose their Optimus, +who reigns as long as his faculties permit him to exercise his judgment +for the benefit of the people, and his reign is called his Optimate. +Inferior in dignity to the assembly of Fathers, is a parliament of +five hundred, who are distinguished by the name of Brothers; and they +represent the interests of certain communities or disciples into +which our great family is divided. It must not be imagined from these +divisions and distinctions that there are any exclusive advantages or +separate interests amongst us. Any individual may obtain the highest +offices of the legislature by passing through the parliament of Brothers +and the assembly of Fathers, for which he must show himself well +qualified by knowledge, virtue, and benevolence. He gains neither +advantage nor profit--nothing but the esteem of his fellow-citizens; and +the people are classed into distinct communities of disciples, merely +that the interests of the whole shall receive a proper degree of +attention from the legislative." + +"And do you find such a form of government answer the purpose for which +it was designed?" inquired Oriel. + +"All," replied Sophos. "The laws are simple and few, and admirably +adapted to satisfy the wants of the people. We have no monopolies +to protect; we have no exclusive privileges to confer. There is no +legislative enactment passed which does not take into consideration the +happiness of each and all." + +"It is wonderful to observe with how few laws a nation may be governed," +said the doctor; "and it is equally surprising to notice with how many +laws a nation may be misgoverned, don't you see." + +"Now let us enter the Hall of Public Benefactors," said the stranger; +and passing through a succession of elegant arches, he led the way to +another magnificent hall, similar in grandeur and beauty to the one +they had recently left. Statues, rather larger than life, were placed +in separate niches round the wall; and these statues represented +individuals who had rendered themselves illustrious by their virtues or +intelligence. In one place stood the figure of the immortal Howard; in +another that of the admirable Pestalozzi. Opposite these philanthropists +were the patriots Alfred, Leonidas, Sobieski, William Tell, and Hofer. +Here stood the impetuous Körner, and there the amiable Shelley. Jeremy +Bentham, Oberlin, Owen of Lanark, Sir Samuel Romilly, and Wilberforce +had places near Harvey, the discoverer of the circulation, Galileo, +Fenelon, Plato, Socrates, Newton, Bacon, and La Place; and Tasso, and +Petrarch, and Göthe, and Walter Scott, and Coleridge, and Wordsworth, +were seen by the side of Shakspeare, and Milton, and Cicero, and +Demosthenes, and Aristotle, and Plutarch. The most commanding +intellects, the noblest natures, the wisest, the best, and kindest of +human beings were here all represented in the plastic marble, and raised +high above the heads of those who were gazing upon them, as if to show +how elevated were such spirits above the common mass of mankind. + +"Look! look!" exclaimed Zabra to his patron, with his eyes shining +with pleasure, pointing to a statue that was placed in one of the most +conspicuous situations in the chamber. Oriel looked in the required +direction, and, with a delight that kept him dumb, recognised the +statue of his father. + +"Yes, the statue of your father has been considered worthy of a place +in the Hall of Public Benefactors," observed Sophos; "and even here, +in that nobleness of heart which all good men should honour, he will +scarcely meet with a superior. Master Porphyry has deserved well of +the world, and the world should honour him above the ambitious crowd +who strive for their notice. He has made of his great wealth a great +blessing. He has been a doer of good from his youth upward; and the love +which he has evinced for his fellow-creatures has been universal in its +object. Had he been born amongst us, or were his virtues transplanted +into our society, I have no doubt that upon the first occasion he would +be promoted to the rank of Optimus; but whether in Athenia or in +Columbus, or in whatever part of the world he may chance to be, there he +will be The Best, and there he will have sovereignty over all good men." + +Oriel Porphyry listened with feelings of the most exquisite pleasure +to this eulogium, and he gazed, with a happiness in his eyes it was +long since he had experienced, upon the marble figure which had been +sculptured into a resemblance of his parent; but the delight of Zabra +seemed still more intense, and he turned from the statue to his friend, +and from his friend to the statue, as if he never could be tired of +gazing upon their noble countenances. + +"It is here our great and good men come and meditate," continued the +stranger; "and, gazing upon the greatness and goodness they see around +them, standing in their places of honour, an impulse of emulation fills +their souls, their hearts are brimming over with generous sympathies, +and they return to the senate or the public hall with eloquence that +carries conviction to the hearer, and a purpose that can only be +satisfied by the production of some general and lasting benefit." + +The party proceeded into other halls, some for public instruction, +others for social intercourse, and others for the deliberations of the +legislature, and in all they observed the same happy adaptation of the +means to the end, the same beautiful appearances, the same spirit of +benevolence, and the same admirable harmony in the disposition of the +different parts of the chamber, as they had noticed in the chambers +through which they had passed. After which they resumed their ride. + +"There is nothing I have seen in my travels that has afforded me so much +pleasure as what I have observed during the brief stay I have made in +this city;" observed the young merchant. + +"And as yet you have seen scarcely any thing of us, of our manners, or +of our institutions;" replied Sophos. "Let me now take you to a musical +entertainment given in the open air by an orchestra of at least a +thousand performers, and it will give you an opportunity of not only +hearing the best music performed in the most expressive manner, but of +mingling with the people of Athenia in their hours of relaxation and +amusement." + +Permission having been readily granted, the carriage was driven off +to an open park, beautifully planted with noble trees and flowering +plants, (amongst which carriage ways and footpaths wound in graceful +sweeps), and possessing every variety of hill and dale, lake and rivulet +to increase its attractions. + +"This is one of the public parks that have been planted to secure the +health and improve the pleasures of the citizens;" said the stranger. +"Here you see are thronging the young and the old, the philosopher and +the student, the statesman and the mechanic, all with happy faces, and +each intent that his neighbour shall share in his happiness." + +"And who are yonder group of beautiful girls that seem so much delighted +with one another. It is strange that they should appear in a public +place without some male friends or relations;" observed Oriel. + +"Not at all;" replied Sophos. "Who can look upon them without respect? +They want no protectors, for there is here no one who would even think +them harm. They are probably proceeding to the concert for the purpose +of joining in the choruses, and are the daughters of the noblest of our +citizens. We have made music a part of our system of education, and not +unwisely; for there is no source of gratification so capable of refining +and intellectualising the feelings. Each individual possesses the power +of distributing pleasure to the rest, and here, when they can escape +from the necessary labours of life, come all,--from the humblest to the +highest, from the most ignorant to the most enlightened, and tuning +their instruments and their voices into one grand harmonious concert, +they create such a powerful and delicious music as I should imagine it +would be impossible to excel." + +The party had now arrived at the top of a hill, from which they had a +splendid view of the scene before them. Down to the very base of the +hill on which they stood, at least twenty thousand citizens, men, women, +and children, clad in a costume, varying in some degree from that worn +by Sophos, were reclining on the grass. Opposite to them was a hill of +smaller dimensions, upon which an immense orchestra was being arranged. +At the top, on each side, were a pair of gigantic drums, between which +were several smaller ones. Below these were the brass instruments, +then the flutes, bassoons, oboes and clarionets: the double basses and +violincellos flanked the violins, and outside the stringed instruments, +the choruses were stationed; a place was left at bottom for the +principal singers, in the centre of which stood the conductor, ready to +give the time of the performance. + +The spectators had hitherto carried on a conversation each in his own +circle; but immediately the conductor's bâton was seen in motion, every +one was in an attitude of attention, and then among the whole mass +of listeners not a sound arose. The first piece performed was for +instruments only. It commenced with a movement remarkable for the +solemnity of its character and the richness of its harmonies, which +changed into a sweet and graceful subject in quicker time, wherein +several beautiful phrases were worked up by the musician in a variety +of pleasing shapes. The piece ended with a more lively movement, +introducing a magnificent fugue, in which the different instruments +followed each other with an effect astonishing for its grandeur and +beauty. To say it was well played, would convey only a feeble conception +of the excellence of the performance: it was played with that perfect +precision, and exquisite attention to the expression required in the +composition, which can only characterise the very best performances. +As soon as it was over there arose from the delighted multitude who +thronged the hill a loud and continued burst of applause, mingled with +exclamations expressive of the approbation of the listeners, and every +one seemed to turn to his neighbour to observe if he was as well +gratified as himself. + +A song, or rather descriptive scene for a bass voice, with orchestral +accompaniments, followed, in which the poet and musician sought +to describe the temptations to evil, its committal, and its evil +consequences; and the piece ended with a most harrowing picture of +madness and death. After this there was a dramatic duet between a treble +and tenor, delineating the first appearance and confession of a mutual +affection. This was succeeded by a vocal air for a female voice, marked +by a simple and exquisite pathos that seemed to touch every heart; and +its subject was the despair of the heart, when, having for a long time +believed itself beloved, it awakes to the full conviction that it is +deceived. A grand chorus in praise of nature followed; and the effect +of so many hundred voices swelling out the harmonies, was grand in +the extreme; and the act concluded by a descriptive symphony for the +orchestra, full of sweet pastoral effect, and admirable instrumentation. + +Each composition was performed in a manner as nearly approaching +perfection as was attainable, and this the audience seemed to +acknowledge by the liberality of their plaudits. Upon Zabra the effect +seemed to be extraordinary. He drank in every sound as if his life +depended upon its enjoyment, and he listened with a sense of pleasure +beaming in his features that nothing but the most intense gratification +could have created. The rest of the performance was of a similar degree +of merit, and the party left the hill impressed with the conviction +that they had seen and enjoyed more rational pleasure than they had ever +known at any public place of amusement. + +"I would not have missed the exquisite delight I have received, on +any consideration;" remarked Zabra. "Enraptured as I am with music, +I have known nothing in my experience that bears a comparison with +the enjoyments of this day. And what could create more pleasure? It +would be sufficient, one would suppose, to be made familiar with the +skill of ordinary musicians; but you could take no interest in their +performances, they are drilled to do them, and they can do nothing else: +but here is a multitudinous family of musicians, hastening from the +loom, the study, the workshop, the laboratory and the warehouse, who +each has a distinct business to which he must devote his attention, to +join, from a desire to please his fellow-citizens, in the execution of +the most difficult and beautiful productions of the musical art; and +every one takes his part, caring not, however unimportant it may be, +so that he is allowed to share in producing the general happiness. +Of all the arts of civilised life there can be none so humanising in +its tendency, so refreshing in its influence; so pure, exalting, and +subduing in its effects as music. The man who is insensible to its +charms is afflicted with a most pitiable blindness. There can be no +harmony in his nature. His feelings must be in an unchangeable state +of discord. But point out any human creature sensitive to all musical +impressions, and I would affirm that you might mould him into any good +purpose. Music, as a means of educating the feelings, can never be +excelled. The experience of a hundred ages has proved its power as an +instrument for creating or subduing the passions; and yet never till now +have I seen any attempt made to try its beneficial effects on a large +scale, and by making good musicians, to endeavour to create good men." + +There was no time for a reply to be made to these observations, as +the carriage stopped at the door of a handsome mansion, and the party +prepared to alight. + +"I must introduce you into our social circle," said Sophos, as he led +the way into his dwelling; "and I hope you will be able to find in it +the same happiness that I have so long enjoyed." + +They followed him through several apartments furnished with superior +taste, till they entered a room of more moderate proportions ornamented +with a variety of elegant decorations, in which two females were +reclining on an ottoman, with a handsome youth standing before them +reading from an open book. The females were the wife and daughter of +their host; and both possessed countenances of exceeding beauty: the +maternal dignity of the one contrasting admirably with the affectionate +playfulness of the other; and the youth was the betrothed of the +daughter. As soon as Sophos entered they hastened to meet him, and +welcomed him with their endearments. These being over he introduced his +guests to their notice, who received from them such marks of kindness +and attention as made them instantly at ease. After an interesting +conversation, describing what had been witnessed during their morning's +ride, the party were summoned to the dining-room, where they partook of +wholesome food of exquisite flavour, served up without ostentation or +extravagance, and partaken of without epicureanism or gluttony. + +"Zoe," said Sophos to his daughter, "has nothing transpired since my +absence that is worthy of recital?" + +"I have something to communicate to you, my father," replied the +beautiful girl, as she pushed back from her eyes the dark ringlets that +seemed to have fallen from the little velvet cap embroidered with gold +which was worn tight upon the upper part of her head; "but I know not +whether it would interest your guests." + +"I will excuse you, Zoe, if it should not," observed the father. + +"I had gone to perform my customary duties, as nurse, at the Hospital of +Invalids," said Zoe, "when my attentions were required by a youth who +was in a state of intense delirium. He raved, he shouted and wept; +he entreated with all the eloquence of frantic excitement; and then +upbraided with the unsocial energy of despair: but most conspicuous in +all his ravings was the name of Lusa, which appeared to belong to some +maiden by whom he was enamoured, who did not return his attachment. In +his delirium he mistook me for the object of his passion, and by turns +praised me as the kindest of all created beings, and upbraided me as +the most cruel of my sex. To such an extent did these paroxysms arrive, +that, unless some plan was put into operation which would lessen the +excitement under which he laboured, there appeared no hopes of saving +his life. I knew nothing of him or of his history; and I knew as little +of Lusa and of the cause which prevented their mutual happiness; but +there was no doubt that the indifference of the maiden had created the +malady which threatened the youth's life; and I felt convinced, that +if I could make him imagine that a mutual sympathy existed, a healthy +action would ensue, and a recovery follow. Being addressed as Lusa, I +thought it would be advisable, under the character thus imposed upon +me, to give the sufferer hopes of a more blissful termination to his +affections; and, therefore, I cautiously and kindly made him imagine +that the heart he thought so unrelenting had been subdued by a wish +to alleviate his sufferings. You will pardon me this deception, dear +father, as it was done to save a life which might be made valuable to +the community." + +"There was nothing wrong in it, Zoe; and these are deceptions that not +only become necessary, but are not to be avoided without inhumanity," +said the father. + +"The youth listened to me as if there was the power of life and death +upon my lips," continued Zoe; "every word seemed to sink into his heart: +his frenzy became subdued; the feverish fire fled from his eyes--he grew +calm, and blessed me with a fervour impossible to be described. After +this he fell into a profound sleep. Then I found myself placed in a +difficult and distressing position. I knew, that when he woke, he would +discover the deception that had been practised upon him, and I feared +that the result would be a relapse, from which there could be no +recovery. While I was vainly endeavouring to conceive some plan by which +I might escape from the embarrassing situation in which I was placed, a +young and handsome female entered that portion of the hospital in which +my duties were performed. She approached me, and inquired after the +health of the patient committed to my charge. She did not tell me who +she was, and I imagined her to be a relative. I therefore acquainted her +with the exact state of the case; and related the way in which I had +discovered the origin of his malady. I described to her the distressing +situation in which I had placed myself by the deception I had practised, +as I knew, that on his awaking, he must discover how cruelly he had +been imposed upon. I had noticed during my recital that the maiden had +appeared confused, had looked distressed, anxious, and full of sympathy +for the sufferer; but I was not prepared for the avowal she made when I +had told her all I had to communicate. She was Lusa." + +"And how did you manage to arrange the matter, my Zoe?" inquired Sophos. + +"I immediately made an appeal to her sympathies," replied his daughter. +"I described to her the positive danger in which the youth was placed +by her indifference--and endeavoured to awaken her feelings to a sense +of the pleasures she would be storing for herself if she resolved upon +rescuing him from the perils by which he was threatened. She replied +that he was amiable and good, and had given her no cause for her +apparent unkindness; but that she had not loved him in return for +his affections, because he had excited in her no similar feeling; and, +that hearing of his danger, her heart had been filled with tenderness, +and that she had come to the hospital for the express purpose of +endeavouring to tranquillise his mind with happier thoughts. This +confession rejoiced me more than I can possibly express; and I bade her +take my place at his bedside, while I remained at a distance to notice +the effect her appearance would have upon him when he awoke. I had not +waited long before I observed his head move on the pillow. His eyes +looked clearer--his countenance calm and intelligent. + +"'Is it a dream?' he said, as his gaze wandering round fell upon the +blushing face of his Lusa. The look with which she answered the question +seemed to have subdued him. + +"'Lusa!' he murmured, as he gazed upon her with a kindling eye and +quivering lip. 'Lusa, my beloved! My soul is on my lips--let me bless +you! My hope, my guide, my consolation! the very breath of my being--the +aim and glory of my dreams! in all earnestness, in all sincerity, and in +all love, I bless you; and may the blessing I confer remain upon you, +gladden the atmosphere you breathe, and fill with beauty every scene +upon which you gaze!' + +"Lusa's eyes were filled with tears; and bending her head down to his +face, her lips rested upon his. She then moved away her head to conceal +her tears; and, taking his hand in hers, she talked to him of hope +and happiness; and assured him that she would endeavour to return the +affection he had lavished on her so liberally. To this he made no reply. +She looked upon his face and saw that his eyes were fixed and glassy. +A scream brought me to her side; and, gazing in fear and pity, we +discovered that he was dead." + +"How dreadful!" exclaimed Zabra. + +"He died happy," observed Sophos, "and his life had been blameless: +there is nothing dreadful in such a dissolution. I should say that, +under such circumstances, Death was robbed of all his terrors. The heart +of the affectionate youth was too full; he died of excessive happiness; +his breath passed away in a blessing, and his soul took flight in a +caress. Is there any other way of passing from existence which, to a +lover, could afford so much and so true an enjoyment?" + +"I should think not," here remarked Zoe's betrothed. "It appeared as +if all the happiness of his existence had been concentrated into one +moment, and that its intensity destroyed him." + +"He was young," said the matron; "and in youth, when the soul is +attached to one object, though there be no return to the passion, and +no hope except what the lover creates, he will love the more, the +more despairing becomes his attachment. As the individual acquires +experience, he loves more wisely; or, perhaps, I might say, he becomes +more selfish: he thinks of himself much more than his passion; and an +instance of devotion without a return is rarely, if ever, met with +beyond the period of youth. Manhood is prouder--age more cautious; and +as life passes on, the impulses which might have been wakened by a +breath are not to be stirred even by a whirlwind." + +"Whence go you when you leave our shores?" inquired Sophos of the young +merchant, as if desirous of changing the conversation. + +"I pass from here to Constantinople; and from there, after touching at +some of the principal ports in Europe, I intend visiting the classic +shores of England;" replied Oriel. + +"'Tis an interesting voyage," observed his host; "especially your +intended visit to the English shores: it is an ancient country, and to +the philanthropist is connected with many associations that make it +regarded with peculiar interest. The brightest page in her book of +honour records the efforts she made to extinguish the slave trade +throughout the world. It was a great boast of the Englishmen of those +days, that a slave, as soon as he set his foot upon the honoured land +of England, became a free man." + +"And look at the efforts it made for the regeneration of every other +country;" added Fortyfolios. "For how long a period did it take the lead +in civilisation! Its learning enriched the whole world; its manufactures +produced clothing for almost every people by whom clothing was required; +and its mechanical improvements conferred wealth and power on every +nation that adopted them." + +"But the picture to be true to nature requires a little shadow, don't +you see;" observed the doctor. "There are some accounts of cruelty, and +oppression, and bigotry, which ought to find a place in their history. +We must not forget the manner in which they acquired their possessions +in India; the tyranny and slaughter they introduced among the natives +of Southern Africa; the infamous system of slavery they encouraged in +the West Indies; and the destructive and unjust warfare they waged with +their colonists in America." + +"Although I cannot defend the manner in which the English acquired new +territory abroad," said the professor; "when I compare it with the more +savage policy of the Spaniards, the Portuguese, the Dutch, the French, +and other nations who endeavoured to add to their possessions by +conquering distant lands and massacring the natives, I think England +comparatively blameless. Their behaviour to the Africans in the interior +of the Cape of Good Hope was produced by the colonists they found there, +not by the colonists they introduced there; the evils of West Indian +slavery ought to be forgotten in consideration of their constant +efforts to ameliorate the conditions of their own slaves, and the great +sacrifices they made to put down slavery in every part of the world; and +their treatment of their colonists in America should only be remembered +as the cause--the glorious cause--which created one of the most +important empires that ever existed upon the face of the globe." + +"There are certainly a few blots upon the fame of this great people," +remarked Sophos; "but the good they effected--a good which is enjoyed by +every portion of the civilised world at this moment--was attempted on so +grand a scale, and produced such magnificent results, that, in justice, +we ought not to look too narrowly upon their errors. And now, Zoe, as +the strangers are about to visit the shores of England, endeavour to +delight them, as you have done me, with that ancient song which appears +to be so great a favourite of yours." + +"I will, O my father, if you will ask Alcibiades to join me; for it is +more fit for his voice than for mine;" replied Zoe. + +"Alcibiades does not require an invitation, dear Zoe, for so delightful +a purpose;" said the youth, looking all that his words expressed. + +With rich harmonious voices that blended together with exquisite effect, +and with a manner so expressive that it stirred the hearts of those +around them to feelings of the most intense gratification, the two +commenced the following song:-- + + "Hurra for merry England, the island of the blest, + Where gen'rous thoughts, and loving hopes, are nursed in ev'ry + breast; + Where valleys green, and mountains high, and rivers strong and + deep, + Are fill'd with blissful memories Time cannot set to sleep. + Hurra for merry England! Confusion on her foe! + And gladness shine upon her homes--for merry England ho! + + "Hurra for mighty England! the island of the brave! + Whose conquering flag hath waved its pride o'er ev'ry shore and + wave; + From eastern hills arose the sun, he kiss'd the western streams, + And still he found that English swords were flashing in his + beams. + Hurra for mighty England! Destruction on her foe! + And triumph dwell within her hearts--for mighty England ho! + + "Hurra for noble England! the island of the free! + Where coward souls and slavish minds were never known to be; + Who, proudly as they look'd upon their own unfetter'd gains, + Gave other lands their bravery, and dash'd away their chains. + Hurra for noble England! Dishonour on her foe! + And glory rest upon her lands--for noble England ho!" + + +END OF THE SECOND VOLUME. + + + LONDON: + Printed by A. SPOTTISWOODE, + New-Street-Square. + + + + +Transcriber's Note + + +A table of Contents has been added. + +Text in italics has been placed between _underscores_ and text in small +capitals has been changed to all capitals. + +Some punctuation errors have been corrected silently. Inconsistent use +of quotation marks in some parts of the book has not been changed. + +The following corrections have been made, on page + + 31 "immemediately" changed to "immediately" (the stranger, + immediately stopping in his career) + + 55 "exexception" changed to "exception" (with the exception of the + one you have) + + 118 "hyprocrisy" changed to "hypocrisy" ('Tis all hypocrisy!) + + 197 "incompent" changed to "incompetent" (utterly incompetent to + appreciate their merits) + + 207 "wetches" changed to "wretches" (if I have killed these poor + wretches). + +Otherwise the original was preserved, including archaic and inconsistent +spelling and hyphenation. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Lady Eureka, v. 2 (of 3), by +Robert Folkestone Williams + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 42492 *** |