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diff --git a/42480-0.txt b/42480-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2199b2d --- /dev/null +++ b/42480-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1325 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 42480 *** + + * * * * * + +PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. + +VOL. 108, JANUARY 19, 1895. + +_edited by Sir Francis Burnand_ + + * * * * * + + + + +TALL TALES OF SPORT AND ADVENTURE. + +(_By Mr. Punch's own Short Story-teller._) + +I.--THE PINK HIPPOPOTAMUS. + +The island of Seringapatam is without exaggeration one of the fairest +jewels in the imperial diadem of our world-wide possessions. Embosomed +in the blue and sparkling wavelets of the Pacific Ocean, breathed upon +by the spicy breezes that waft their intoxicating perfumes through +endless groves of gigantic acacias, feathery fern trees, and +gorgeously coloured Indian acanthoids; studded with the glittering +domes of a profusion of jasper palaces beside which the trumpery +splendours of Windsor or Versailles are but as dust, and guarded by +the loyal devotion of an ancient warrior race noted not less for +the supreme beauty of its women than for the matchless courage and +endurance of its men, the Kingdom of Seringapatam offered during a +period of more than one hundred years a stubborn resistance even +to the arms of the all-conquering Britons. So great indeed, was the +respect extorted from the victors by the vanquished that when, owing +to the marvellous strategy of my old friend Major-General Sir BONAMY +BATTLEHORN, K.C.B., K.C.M.G., the island was finally subdued, it was +agreed that in all but their acknowledgment of a British Suzerainty +and the payment of an annual tribute of fifteen hundred gold lakhs, +the proud islanders were to maintain their independence and to +continue those forms of government which long tradition had invested +in their eyes with all the sanctity of a religion. + +I had been present with my dear father at the great battle of the Dead +Marshes by which the fortunes of the islanders were finally shattered. +Never shall I forget the glow of exultant gratitude with which towards +the end of the day gallant old Sir BONAMY came cantering towards me +on his elephant. "Thank you, thank you a thousand times, my dear +ORLANDO," said the glorious veteran as he approached me; "it was that +last charge of yours at the head of your magnificent Thundershakers +that has converted defeat into victory, and assured Westminster Abbey +to the bones of BONAMY BATTLEHORN. All that is now necessary," he +continued, rising in his stirrups and waving his sword, "is that you +should complete the work that you have begun. Dost see that battery of +fifty guns still served by the haughty remnants of the Seringapatamese +bombardiers? Let them be captured, and nothing will stand between us +and the Diamond City of the Ranee." + +I needed no further incitement. Gathering round me the few +Thundershakers who had escaped unscathed, I bade the standard-bearer +unfurl the flag of the brigade. In another moment we were upon them. +Cutting, slashing, piercing, parrying, trampling, crushing, we dashed +into the midst of the foe. Far over the field of carnage sounded our +war-cry, the famous "Higher up Bayswater!" which was to our horses as +the prick of spur. In vain the doughty bombardiers belaboured us; in +vain did they answer with the awful shout of "Benkcitibenk," which +none hitherto had been able to withstand. The work was hot, but in +less than three minutes the battery was ours, and the broken host of +the Ranee was streaming in full flight down the slopes from which +so lately they had dealt death amongst the English army. In another +moment we had limbered up--two men to each gun, except the largest, +which was assigned to me as the chief of the band--and helter skelter +down the hill we went, and so, with shouting and with laughter, +deposited our spoils at the feet of the British General. + +I do not recount this incident in order to magnify my own exploits. +My deeds themselves are my best record, those deeds which a factious +majority in successive Parliaments has, to its everlasting shame, +refused to recognise, but which not even the voice of malice, always +busy in the task of depreciating genuine achievement, can rob of one +particle of their brilliant and immortal lustre. But the fight is +indissolubly connected with the stirring story which I have here set +out to relate, and for this reason alone have I mentioned it. During +the brief struggle round the guns I became momentarily separated from +the main body of my men. Seizing the opportunity, and noticing, +too, that in the previous _melée_ I had been unhorsed, two gigantic +artillerymen made at me. My sword was broken, my revolver was empty! +What was I to do? But little time for reflection was left to me. With +savage shouts the two dusky Titans sprang upon me. I gave myself up +for lost, shut my eyes, thought of my poor mother, saw in a flash my +happy country home, the thatched roofs of the cottages, the grey old +church, the babbling stream, the village school, the little shop +where my infant mouth had first become acquainted with the succulent +bull's-eye--in short, I went through all the symptoms that are +understood to accompany the imminence of a violent death. Suddenly, +however, the desire to live awoke once more. The smaller of my two +foes had outstripped his companion. He was just about to seize me, +when, lowering my head, which was encased in a spiked helmet, I +bounded at him. Fair and full I caught him, and so terrific was the +force engendered by my spring and the foeman's rush, that not the +spike alone, but the helmet and the head too, pierced him through and +through. + +[Illustration: "Fair and full I caught him."] + +Down on his back he fell crashing, bearing me with him as he went over +and fixing the spike firmly in the earth, pinned like some huge beetle +by a human pin. As my legs flew up they encountered the second giant, +and, winding round his chest, crushed every vestige of life out of +him and flung his mangled body full twenty yards to the rear. I had +escaped, but my position was still uncomfortably awkward. By this +time, however, the rout was complete, and four of my men, by dint +of tremendous exertions, succeeded in extricating me from my curious +entanglement. My pinned foeman turned out to be the Ranee's brother, +HADJU THAR MEEBHOY. We bore him back with us to camp, where, +marvellous to relate, after a prolonged illness, he eventually +recovered. + +Of course he has never been quite the same man since. He has to +be careful about his diet, but with the childlike simplicity of an +Oriental he finds a constant pleasure in opening and shutting the +little aluminium doors which our dear old surgeon, TOBY O'GRADY, +constructed to replace the KHAN's stomach and the small of his back. I +came to be great friends with him and it was through him that I gained +the knowledge which prompted the adventure I am now about to relate. + +(_To be continued._) + + * * * * * + +A WORD ABOUT THE ST. HENRY JAMES'S THEATRE. + +There is something in a name, especially when it happens to be the +title of a play. At the St. James's, Mr. ALEXANDER'S latest venture +has been _Guy Domville_, by the American novelist HENRY JAMES, who +if he knew as much about play-writing as he does about novel-writing +would probably be in the first flight of dramatists; _and_ he would +not have chosen so hopeless a name for his hero and for his play as +_Guy Domville_. For the anti-James jokers would delight in finding +that _Guy could_ be "_guy'd_," and to say as to "_Domville_" that +"a first night audience '_vill dom_' the play." For all that, if +ALEXANDER be the sagacious commander in the dramatic field that he +has hitherto shown himself, it is not likely that he should have been +completely mistaken in accepting a play which a portion of the public +has refused to accept. Of course, a manager cannot afford to keep a +play going until the public come _en masse_ to see it, and therefore, +unless there is "a turn of the tide" (and such things have happened +before now, and a condemned piece has had a long and prosperous +career), Mr. ALEXANDER will himself be obliged to do to the play what +those who ridicule and chaff it have already done, _i.e._ "_take it +off_." + + * * * * * + +MRS. R. admits that she has always been very fond of sweets at dinner. +What she is especially fond of is, she says, "a dish of _pommes +d'Ananias_;" and she always adds, "But, my dear, why the French choose +such awful names for such nice things is what I never can understand." + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: "QUITE ENGLISH, YOU KNOW!" + +_Abdurrahman Khan_ (_to himself_). "I THINK THIS'LL FETCH 'EM!" + +["Should the Ameer happily accomplish the visit to this country on +which he has set his heart, he may be assured of the warm welcome due +to one who, since his accession to supreme power in Afghanistan, has +been the steady friend of Great Britain."--_Times._]] + + * * * * * + +THE DANDY AFGHAN KHAN. + +(_Cabulee Version of a popular Comic Song._) + +AIR--"_The Dandy Coloured Coon._" + +_Ameer, dressing for a projected Visit, sings:_-- + + Fools called me a mere "Nigger" when I felt Dame Fortune's frown; + Up and down--I have known; + But now the folks all say, "Why, you're fit to wear a crown. + Black or brown--you've won renown." + Now a lot of gossips they patter and spy. + Someone says, "He wants to have the Muscovite hard by." + "Muscovite!" said I,--"hard by!--you're mistooken! + This Ameer wants to see no Muscovite. + Not at all!--not a bit!-- + 'Tain't for him at all the Afghan crown is meant!" + "Go on!"--say they,--"Who is it?" + +_Chorus._ + + "Why, it's AB-DUR-RAHMAN, son of AFZUL, son of DOST + MOHAMMED, means to rule the fierce Af_ghan_! + Don't you know me?--Go on!--Well, you _will_, my good man, + For I'm AB-DUR-RAHMAN the dandy Afghan Khan!" + + Now a man like me is a terror to the tribes, + The Shinwaris,--the Ghilzais! + And ISHAK KHAN and others found me galling to their kibes, + When revolts--they would raise. + They've been putting it about the Ameer is ill. + (Wouldn't they delight to administer a pill!) + "Ameer, you're ill--_mortal_ ill!"--but I wasn't! + "You've palpitation," the quidnuncs state, + "From your soles--to your scalp. + ISHAK at Samarcand makes your heart palpitate!" + "Go on!"--said I,--"nary palp!" + +_Chorus._--For I'm AB-DUR-RAHMAN, &c. + + Now I've long had an ambition to far England for to go, + Don't you know,--that is so! + See Empress-Queen VICTORIA and Mister WALES also. + I'm asked to go--to that show! + The Empress-Queen to visit me doesn't care. + (And doubtless Afghan fashions might make VICTORIA stare.) + But there--I swear--I'll go!--and I'm going! + Men may say "It's the Shah that this show's about!"-- + And another "You're an ass, Sir! + 'Taint the Shah-in-Shah at all--you're a long way out!"-- + "Go on!"--he'll say,--"ain't it NASS'R?" + +_Chorus._--No, it's AB-DUR-RAHMAN, &c. + + So I'll dress the part as near as can be, + Please JOHN B.--don't you see! + My close-fitting lambswool and silver filagree, + Empress V.--might find "free." + Should the tribesmen twig this peculiar rig + They'd think their Ameer had turned Infidel Pig. + What a toff!--Well, I'll say--I'm here--to see the Empress!-- + What is that "coon" all the comics sing about? + Mister BROWN--JOHN JAMES! + If as to me Mister BULL has a doubt, + Go on!--I'll say.--My names? + +_Chorus._ + + Why, they're AB-DUR-RAHMAN, son of AFZUL, son of DOST + MAHOMMED, wearer of the Afghan Crown. + Don't you know me?--Go on?--Well, you will very soon, + For I'm AB-DUR-RAHMAN KHAN, the dandy Afghan coon! + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: A MOST ENTERTAINING OCCUPATION. + +SMITHSON, HAVING RECENTLY BOUGHT A COUNTRY PLACE AND GONE IN FOR +SPORT, HAS BEEN ADVISED BY A FRIEND TO DO HIS OWN EXERCISING DURING +HARD WEATHER, "AS IT INSURES YOUR HORSES AGAINST THE NEGLECT OF +GROOMS, AND ALSO KEEPS YOU IN FORM." + + [_He tries it, and finds it--as above._ +] + + * * * * * + +"HALE FELLOW, WELL MET."--"PIERRE BLANC, the hale Savoyard of +eighty-eight, took his usual place in the French Chamber," reports the +_Times_ correspondent last week, "and delivered one of his customary +addresses." + + What a charming party of three, + BISMARCK, BLANC, and Mr. G., + Decidedly very much alive, + United ages Two Four Five! + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: COUNTER-IRRITATION. + +A STUDY AT A WINTER SALE.] + + * * * * * + +THAT PRECIOUS DONKEY! + +(_An Episode in the Life of A. Briefless, Junior, Esq., +Barrister-at-Law, in Three Parts._) + +PART II.--_The Passing of the Picture._ + +It may be remembered that the gift of my grateful if eccentric +client had been put in the box-room at Justinian Gardens. There the +presentment of the donkey languidly watching jaded villagers reposed, +amidst the possibly congenial surroundings of broken perambulators, +superannuated folding-doors, and half-forgotten wide-awake hats. I +rather regretted the fate of the picture, as it seemed to me that +it might have served as a not invaluable advertisement. As a large +proportion of the forensic world knows, I not infrequently during the +Yuletide season entertain some of my friends at the Bar, and I should +have been pleased to have been able to point to the canvas as a sort +of testimonial. However, the painting had disappeared, and there was +nothing more to be said about it. + +I am reminded by this reference to my vacation entertainments, that +it was at one of "these feasts of reason and flows of soul" (as my +learned and distinguished friend APPLEBLOSSOM, Q.C., is kind enough +to call them) that my fortunes underwent a change for the better. +The inhabitants of Justinian Gardens are accustomed to do things very +well. When there is a ball, the number of vehicles (always with one +horse apiece, and sometimes with a pair) is quite considerable. On +such occasions a stranger might imagine that the Gardens had the +advantage of a chronic cab-stand. At 97 (which I think I may describe +as our show-house) there is a butler, and there are few at Justinian +Gardens who cannot boast of a "buttons." I do not secure the services +of a man-retainer myself, and am consequently not quite in the +fashion. However, when I entertain, I do my best to be worthy of the +_prestige_ of my neighbours, and put forth all my strength in making +my house an object of interest. The walls of my modest dwelling-place +are adorned with several mementoes of my not-altogether-common-place +career. For instance, I have had my commission as a Lieutenant of +Volunteers (I served for many years in the Bishop's Own, and was +graciously permitted by Her Majesty to retire with my rank) glazed and +framed, and have treated the pasteboard distinctions I won at school +in a similar fashion. When I purpose entertaining my friends at the +Bar, I have these gratifying landmarks in my life's history polished +up by an individual known in my household as "the handy man." This +person (towards whom I entertain a friendly regard), for a certain +sum an hour undertakes to do anything I require. I believe that he +can paint a house, build a conservatory, cut down a forest, and +reconstruct an aquarium with equal facility. But it is only right +to say that I make this statement on the faith of his guarantor--the +gentleman who was good enough to procure for me the advantage of his +services--and cannot speak from personal knowledge. So far I have only +had the opportunity of testing his capabilities in window-cleaning and +the dusting of works of art. In performing these domestic duties he +shows great energy, and even daring. He seems to delight in standing +on window-ledges and the outer edges of flights of stairs. I have been +given to understand that he glories in these displays of hardihood, +as they remind him of the days and nights when he acted as a rather +prominent member of the Fire Brigade. + +"Mr. WILKINS," I said, on my departure for the Temple, "I shall esteem +it a favour if you will be so good as to employ your leisure to-day in +repainting the waterbutts, sweeping the kitchen chimney, putting glass +in the conservatory, regilding the mirror in the study, and, if you +have time, dusting my testimonial." + +"Certainly, Sir," replied my valued acquaintance, and before I had +closed the hall door, the sounds of the rumbling sticks told me that +he had already commenced to remove the superfluous soot from the +culinary smoke-hole. + +I had rather an arduous day at Pump-Handle Court. I had quite an +accumulation of circulars, and a consent brief that required very +careful attention. The latter was not endorsed with my name, but I saw +to it on behalf of a colleague. After I had spent some hours in +the little frequented (during the vacation) realms of the Temple, +I returned to Justinian Gardens, which I need scarcely tell an +experienced cabman is in the neighbourhood of that continually rising +locality--Earl's Court. The door was opened by Mr. WILKINS in person, +who anticipated the turning of the proprietorial latch-key. + +"I am sorry to say, Sir," said my trusted _employé_, "that I have had +an accident. While I was dusting the military enlistment card----" + +"You mean my commission?" + +"I do, Sir. It came down with a run. You see, Sir, you have had him +rather heavily framed. Unfortunately, Sir, when I passed the polish +brush over him the nail did not hold, and it gave suddenly. The +picture made a nasty mark on the wall, and smashed up when he got to +the flooring. I would have reframed him, but all the shops close early +on a Thursday, and I can get no glass." + +"Well, what have you done?" I asked, in a tone of some annoyance, +for I pride myself on my commission, and am proud of showing it to my +friends. + +"Well, Sir, I went up to the box-room to see if I could find anything +that would do, and have looked up an affair that I think will meet +with your approval." + +By this time I had reached the place where the wall was damaged. The +spot was covered by a picture. + +"I did my best, Sir. I washed the canvas with soap and water, and put +the polishing brush over the frame. Of course the subject ain't worth +much, but for a stop-gap it isn't bad. Now is it?" + +I then found that Mr. WILKINS had hidden the faulty hall paper with +the picture that had been presented to me by the gentleman who had +raised a claim to the throne of the Celestial Empire. Secretly pleased +that I could now have an opportunity of referring to the gratitude of +my client to my learned and distinguished friend, APPLEBLOSSOM, Q.C., +who had promised to dine with me that evening, I readily accepted the +apologies of the penitent WILKINS. + +"I will put it allright to-morrow, Sir," said my distressed _employé_. +"I will get some glass, fix up your enlistment card, and have it +done before I rebuild the pantry and whitewash the ceiling of the +bath-room." + +Satisfied with the promise I thought no more of the _contretemps_ +until after dinner, when my attention was directed to it by +APPLEBLOSSOM, Q.C., who had made himself vastly agreeable after the +ladies had retired and left us to discuss the chestnuts and the port. + +"Hullo, BRIEFLESS," he exclaimed; "where did you get that Old BOOTS?" + +I told my story of the grateful client, and young BANDS, who I fancy +is thinking of reading in my chambers, regarded me (I venture to +believe) with increased respect. + +"Bless me, you have a treasure!" continued APPLEBLOSSOM, Q.C., who +seemed wrapt in admiration. "That is a genuine Old BOOTS. You can +always tell him from Young BOOTS by the manipulation of his animal's +ears. Look at those, Sir! Splendid! Why, who could paint a donkey like +that? By Jove, BRIEFLESS, you are in luck! You ought to make a fortune +out of it at CHRISTIES!" + +"Why, is it very valuable?" I asked. "I am not much of an art +connoisseur, and I frankly confess I know very little of Old SHOES." + +"Old BOOTS, Sir!" cried APPLEBLOSSOM, Q.C. "Why I thought all the +world knew Old BOOTS! One of the grandest painters of the eighteenth +century! He got that particular delicacy of touch which you can trace +in that donkey's ears by never commencing to paint his animals until +he was recovering from _delirium tremens_. Why, Sir, that animal is +simply superb. Look at his mane, Sir! Why, it is simply marvellous!" + +I did look at the donkey's ears and mane, and, with the assistance +of young BANDS, went into an ecstasy. The ears of the animal were +certainly magnificent. + +I must admit I was excited during the rest of that eventful evening. I +determined to keep the secret of my good fortune to myself. I thought +I would surprise the lady who does me the honour to bear my name, by +telling her that I had become a rich man after I had cashed the cheque +I was sure to receive. All the following day I made plans for the +spending of my fortune. I would have a box in the Highlands, a +_pied-à-terre_ in Paris, and a pyramid in Egypt. I would present +my Inn with a massive gold snuff-box, and PORTINGTON should have a +silver-mounted meerschaum. If my age did not bar my progress, I would +seek service in the Militia--as a lieutenant-colonel. There was no +limit to my ambition. + +When I returned, Mr. WILKINS (who is thoroughly conscientious), having +finished the rebuilding of the pantry and the whitewashing of the +bath-room, had departed. He does not waste his time, and only charges +me for the hours he actually expends in honest labour. I hurried to +the spot where my Old BOOTS was temporarily resting before removal +to the far-famed auction-rooms in King Street, St. James's. I turned +pale. + +"Why, what is this?" I asked, trembling with emotion. + +"Your commission, dear," said my better seven-eighths. "It looks +better than the picture, although I must say the donkey improves on +acquaintance. It really was very well painted. I am quite sorry Mr. +WILKINS has taken it away." + +"WILKINS taken it away?" I gasped out. + +"Yes. He said that you didn't seem to care for it, so he went off to +try and sell it." + +"Why!" I exclaimed, and my voice, through my deep emotion, dropped +almost to a whisper, "it is an Old BOOTS!" + +"An Old BOOTS!" cried my better seven-eighths, becoming as excited as +myself. "Why, our fortunes are made! An Old BOOTS! Oh, why didn't you +tell me! An Old BOOTS! Fancy having an Old BOOTS!" + +"But we haven't," I returned, almost in tears. "The handy-man has gone +off with it! What _are_ we to do without our Old BOOTS!" + +"We will get it back!" returned my better and more important fraction, +with determination. + +Whether we did recover our lost treasure, or fail in the attempt, +must, owing to the exigencies of space (so I am given to understand), +form the subject of another and concluding contribution. The chase +after our Old BOOTS was not without adventures of a distinctly +exciting character. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration] + +MY PETTY JAYNE![*] + +AIR--"_My Pretty Jane._" + + My JAYNE, my JAYNE, my Bishop JAYNE, + O never, never more be sly, + You'll meet, you'll meet with no green even in + This correspondent's eye. + "Charge, CHESTER, charge." Do what you th-i-nk + Your di-o-cese will stand. + But do not, do not stain with i-n-k + Your Gothenburgian hand. + + So JAYNE, my JAYNE, my petty JAYNE, + O never, never more be sly. + You'll meet, you'll meet with no green even in + This correspondent's eye. + +[Footnote: * See recent letters and article in _Times_ within the last +fortnight.] + + * * * * * + +"TO ROME FOR SIXTEEN GUINEAS."--The travellers, it is announced, will +be "lectured by the Bishop of PETERBOROUGH and Mr. OSCAR BROWNING." +What a delightful prospect for a pleasant trip! Fancy being lectured +all the way as to what to eat, drink, and avoid, on comportment and +deportment, on smoking, on registration of baggage, on economy, etc., +etc., by a Bishop and one of the OSCAR'S. O what a time they will have +of it! + + * * * * * + +BONNIE W. G. + +A SONG OF THE SNOWY SOUTH. + + ["'We were caught in a snowdrift' was Mr. GLADSTONE'S + explanation. 'In Scotland they would have cleared it away in + no time, but here they are not accustomed to deal with snow;' + and, with upright bearing, and carrying a travelling rug which + he refused to give up to a servant, he marched out of the + station with a springy gait."--_Central News Telegram from + Cannes._] + +[Illustration] + +AIR--"_Bonnie Dundee._" + + To our own G. O. M. 'twas the doctor who spoke; + "You'd better get out of our frost, fog, and smoke. + You are now eighty-five, though a wonder you be; + So follow the sun, bonnie W. G.! + Come flit from cold Hawarden, and fly off to Cannes, + The sunny South calls you, our own Grand Old Man! + Take the first _train de luxe_, and be off, fair and free, + To RENDEL and roses, dear W. G.!" + + The G. O. M.'s off to the southward--to meet + Not sunshine, but train-stopping snow-drift and sleet. + Yet he "pops up" at Cannes as alert as can be, + After five hours long snow-block, our W. G. + Then fill up the cup to our CRICHTON at Cannes. + NESTOR wasn't a patch on our own Grand Old Man; + May he come back as bonnie as bonnie can be, + For we've not seen the last of our W. G.! + + * * * * * + +OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. + +It is noteworthy how in recent years, in the matter of fiction, the +star of Empire shineth in the North. After WALTER SCOTT established +the sovereignty of Scotland in the world of British fiction, there +was a long pause. In our generation WILLIAM BLACK came to the front. +Later, we have had STEVENSON, BARRIE, and CROCKETT. Now here is IAN +MACLAREN with his cluster of gem-like stories gathered _Beside the +Bonnie Briar Bush_ (HODDER AND STOUGHTON). My Baronite tells me +that of the collection Mr. GLADSTONE likes best "A Doctor of the Old +School." Where all is good it is difficult to establish supremacy. +But for simple pathos and for the skill of drawing with a few touches +living figures of flesh and blood, this sketch is certainly hard to +beat. Yet "A Lad of Pairts" runs it close. A very beautiful book, full +of human nature in its simplest form and most pathetic circumstances. + +[Illustration] + +Says the Baron, "What I who have read Mr. BRAM STOKER'S latest romance +could tell you about _The Watter's Mou'_ would make your mou' watter +with longing desire to devour it. It is excellent: first because it is +short; secondly, because the excitement is kept up from first page +to last; and thirdly, because it is admirably written throughout; the +scenic descriptive portion being as entrancing as the dramatic. It is +brought out in the Acme Series in charge of A CONSTABLE, and its full +price is only one shilling." + +A good short story is to be found in _A Clear Case of the +Supernatural_, by REGINALD LUCAS, only as it is by no means "a clear +case," it might have been appropriately entitled, _Fluke or Spook_. + + THE BARON DE BOOK-WORMS. + + * * * * * + +MOST APPROPRIATE.--"Gunner J. C. ROCKETT promoted to rank of Chief +Gunner in the Queen's Navy." Of course, quite right to send up a +Rockett. Only got to present him with a house at Gunnersbury and the +thing is complete. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: A COMPLIMENT. + +_Proud Mother_ (_to irritable Old Gentleman, whose beard her little +Boy is pulling out by the roots_). "LITTLE _DARLING!_ IT'S NOT OFTEN +HE TAKES SO KINDLY TO STRANGERS!"] + + * * * * * + +"A DIVIDED DUTY." + + ["What we fail to perceive, at least to any adequate extent, + in the pleadings of the spokesman of the Lancashire Cotton + Trade, is a recognition of the paramount importance, even from + a commercial point of view, of the Imperial interests that + depend on the just and liberal government of India."--_The + Times._] + +AIR--"_Green Grow the Rushes, O!_" + +Mr. JOHN BULL _sings:_-- + + Ding-dong the lasses go! My patience it quite + passes, O! + My brain it turns, though with ROB BURNS, I dearly love the + lasses, O! + + There's right and wrong on either hand; that's clear to all but + asses, O! + So hold your whist, drop each your fist, and to me list, fair + lasses, O! + + Lancashire lass, I like you well. You're buxom, brave, and + bonny, O! + But do not slight your sense of right in hasty greed of + money, O! + + When North _v._ South "clemmed" many a mouth, what patient, + patriot spirit, O! + Lancashire showed! All England glowed. That spirit you + inherit, O! + + But in your wrath you've missed the path of fair and patriot + dealing, O! + Nay, do not pout. You'll wake, no doubt, to right Imperial + feeling, O! + + The Empire's wide and can't be tied by shackles greed-begotten, O! + My _only_ duty now, my beauty, 's _not_--to sell your cotton, O! + + Of bulk and bale your sale won't fail--if you keep up the + quality, O! + And do not trust to "devil's-dust"--which mars our + merchant-polity, O! + + Some rascal-muffs, with loaded stuffs, have spoiled the Eastern + market, O! + Miss INDIA there will tell you where, and when she whispers, + hark it, O! + + But with good goods you'll hold your own, despite that import + duty, O! + But you can't have _all_ your own way, my bold--but + angry--beauty, O! + + Miss INDIA, there needs constant care; she has not _your_ + resources, O! + You raise your voice against my choice 'twixt two unwelcome + courses, O! + + But I--though loth--considering _both_ on my responsibility, O! + Have done my best, and for my pains from both meet incivility, O! + + I've tried to bear the balance fair, 'twixt countries, trades, and + classes, O! + And lo! my lot is anger hot from _both_ you bickering + lasses, O! + + Miss INDIA'S eyes, at the Excise, excitedly are + flashing, O! + My dusky dear, 'tis hard to steer 'twixt interests wildly + clashing, O! + + I love ye both, and I were loth to make--or see--ye quarrel, O! + But--a divided duty's mine, and that's my homily's moral, O! + + And so, my dears, abate your fears, and likewise stint your + shindy, O! + The Lass of Lancashire should shake hands with the Lass from + "Indy," O! + + I'll do my best for East and West. Brim high three bumper + glasses, O! + And let's drink health, and love, and wealth to both my bonny + lasses, O! + + * * * * * + +A Colourable Correction. + + "Bored to blues by a Blue-Book"? I fear you are not + Up to date in your choice of a tint, my dear fellow. + The type of sheer boredom, and dulness, and rot, + Is not now the Blue of old days, but the Yellow. + As Blue-Stockings now half the sex might be mustered, + The New Woman doubtless wears hose hued like custard. + + * * * * * + +NEXT BEST THING TO THE PERSIAN LOCOMOTIVE CARPET OF EASTERN +FABLE.--The "Travelling Rug" of Western fact. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: "A DIVIDED DUTY."] + +MR. BULL. "NOW, GIRLS, STOP THIS! REMEMBER I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR YOU +BOTH."] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: THE COUNTER-CHECK QUARRELSOME. + +_Mr. Æsopus Delasparre._ "I WILL ASK YOU TO FAVOUR ME, MADAM, BY +REFRAINING FROM LAUGHING AT ME ON THE STAGE DURING MY THIRD ACT." + +_Miss Jones_ (_sweetly_). "OH, BUT I ASSURE YOU YOU'RE MISTAKEN, +MR. DELASPARRE; I NEVER LAUGH AT YOU ON THE STAGE--I WAIT TILL I GET +HOME!"] + + * * * * * + +THAT WEDDING PRESENT. + +_London._--JONES is going to be married. Of course, I must give him +something. But what? A biscuit box? Commonplace. Good idea to look for +something more interesting and unusual during my holiday. Just off to +North Italy. Will keep my eyes open along the way. + +_Paris._--Walk in the Rue de la Paix and Boulevards. Everything +labelled "_Article Anglais_." Must really get him something made +abroad. Give up looking in Paris. Shall find something farther on. + +_Lucerne._--No good to take Swiss wood carving. Can't carry home a +huge sideboard. All the smaller things can be bought in London. + +_Milan._--The very place. There is an exhibition here. Shall probably +see something beautiful. Italy, cradle of the arts, and all that sort +of thing. Besides, so nice to say to JONES, "My dear fellow, here's +a little trifle; got it in Milan, you know. It's modern, but then +the Italians are always so artistic." To exhibition. Why, there are +pictures here! Of course, just suit me. Hurry to picture gallery. +Several rooms. Enter eagerly. After a short time, totter feebly out +and ask the official at the door where I can obtain a little brandy. +He, evidently alarmed by my horror-stricken face and staggering +movements, asks civilly if I am ill. Would I like a chair? Should he +fetch a doctor? Thank him, and say it is nothing serious. I have +only been looking at a few modern Italian pictures. Crawl to the +refreshment bar, and am revived with cognac. Then inspect the rest +of the exhibition. Am the only visitor, which is not surprising, for +there is nothing to see but bottles! An exhibition of bottles! They +are said to be full of wine, but I do not see how that makes them more +beautiful. Absurd to buy JONES some bottles. And equally absurd to +buy him some Italian wine when he can get good French wine in England. +Besides, can't carry bottles in my Gladstone bag. Therefore, give up +Milan. + +_Venice._--The chief manufactures here are lace and glass. Now JONES +never wears any lace, except in his boots, and never wears any glass, +not even in his eye. So what good would these be to him? See one or +two palaces to be sold. But can't take them home. So give up Venice. + +_Bologna._--More useless local productions! Here they make sausages +and soap. JONES is not a starving scarecrow for want of sausages, nor +a SIMEON STYLITES for want of soap. Must therefore give up Bologna. +This wedding present begins to weigh me down. At each new place it +obtrudes itself between me an all the beautiful things I look at. Must +really get something in Florence. + +_Florence._--Great Scott! It's worse here. A life-size marble statue, +or a mosaic table weighing nearly a ton. Have serious thoughts +of buying, at a great reduction, an extra large statue, hitherto +unsaleable on account of its size, and then telling JONES that his +wedding present is waiting for him here, if he will come and fetch it. +The dealer asks 2,000 lire. I understand shopping in Italy. Early one +morning offer him 50. He at once comes down to 1,000. I go up to 100. +Discuss for one hour, haggle for another hour, dispute angrily for a +third. Then go off to _déjeuner_. Closing prices--dealer 725, myself +250. Back again after interval for refreshment. Begin quietly. Opening +prices--dealer 720, myself 251. Discussion, haggling, dispute as +before. Indignant marchings out by me, frantic pursuits by the +dealer. Final prices--dealer 403, myself 396. Each of us, hoarse and +exhausted, refuses to yield another centesimo. So do not buy statue +for JONES, and give up Florence. Genoa is the last chance. + +_Genoa._--Velvet? What's the good of velvet to JONES? Besides it is +fabulously dear, something like attar of roses at so much a drop. Must +give up even Genoa. + +_London._--Back again. Have bought a biscuit box and sent it to +JONES. Since then have met JONES'S cousin, and SMITH, and JONES'S +brother-in-law, and Mrs. ROBINSON, and a few other mutual friends. We +disagree in many things, but in one we seem to be unanimous. We have +all given him biscuit boxes! + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: A RULING PASSION. + +_Mr. Meenister MacGlucky_ (_of the Free Kirk, after having given way +more than usual to an expression "a wee thing strong"--despairingly_). +"OH! AYE! AH, W-E-EL! I'LL HAE TA GIE 'T UP!" + +_Mr. Elder MacNab._ "WHA-AT, MAN, GIE UP GOWF?" + +_Mr. Meenister MacGlucky._ "NAE, NAE! GIE UP THE MEENISTRY!"] + + * * * * * + +A PSALM OF (HOLIDAY) LIFE. + +_What the heart of the Small Boy said to the Dyspeptic Pessimist._ + + Tell me not, in Christmas Numbers, + Yule is a dyspeptic dream, + A tradition that but cumbers + What smugs call "the social scheme." + + Yule is jolly, Yule is earnest! + A sick-bed is _not_ its goal; + Prig who rich plum-pudding spurnest, + Thou art destitute of soul. + + Not mere "sapping," which means sorrow, + Is youth's destined end or way: + But--to think that each to-morrow + Brings us nearer Christmas Day! + + Terms are long, and Vacs. are fleeting, + And our "tums," though big and brave, + Know that there's an end to eating + When at lessons we must slave. + + Oh, the railway's welcome rattle! + Oh, the feeling of fresh life! + Oh, the Christmas Show of Cattle! + Oh, the fun of fork and knife! + + Blow the Future! it's unpleasant; + Put the Past clean out of head. + What _I_ like's the (Christmas) Present, + No mere ghost, as DICKENS said. + + All _his_ jolly books remind us + Christmas is a glorious time. + _Don't_ let bilious bogies blind us + To its larks, which are sublime. + + Only wish there was another + Coming--in a month--again! + Stodge is bad for boys? Oh, bother! + _I_ can stand it, right as rain! + + Let us, then, be up and doing, + (With a knife and fork and plate,) + All our tips at tuck-shops blueing, + Learn to stodge, ere 'tis too late! + + * * * * * + +THE CHRONICLES OF A RURAL PARISH. + +X.--THE CHAIR. + +As soon as we had agreed to allow the Parish Meeting Chairman to +preside, BLACK BOB jumped up and proposed that Mrs. LETHAM HAVITT +should be elected to the chair. She was a lady whose excellences he +need not dilate on. She had excellent business habits, and, with all +respect to Mrs. MARCH, she had as much right to a seat on the Council +as that lady. Then a miracle happened. Mrs. MARCH not only did not +resent this reference, but actually seconded Mrs. HAVITT. It was +essential, she said, that women should be represented as fully as +possible, and she should, without hesitation, embrace this opportunity +of securing a woman colleague. This made the situation serious, not to +say hopeless. After she had sat down, there was an ominous pause. At +length I rose and proposed myself. In impressive tones I pointed +put that the hand of the electors had pointed in no uncertain way to +myself, and that since no one else had proposed my election, at the +risk of being misunderstood _once more_, I had, on public grounds, +to do it myself. After another painful pause the Parson seconded my +nomination. Then the voting. Mrs. HAVITT'S name was put first. She +got 4 votes--Mrs. MARCH, BLACK BOB, and his two comrades. I got 3--the +Squire, the Parson, and my self. And so I was foiled again--by the +Eternal Feminine. + +And so our Parish Council is at last complete, and ready for action, a +corporate body in the eyes of the law. Possibly, in these pages I may +from time to time be permitted to relate how Mudford progresses under +our rule. Possibly, I may not. But in any case I ought to add that, +being beaten by Mrs. HAVITT has not--well, improved the domestic +atmosphere. Wifely devotion seems to be out of fashion in these _fin +de siècle_ days. + + * * * * * + +DUTCH ENTERPRISE. + +The question of alien immigration as affecting the British Labour +Market is one that occasionally occupies the attention of the +Legislature. The subjoined advertisement cut from the _Daily News_ +suggests something even worse:-- + + HOLLAND.--THE FIRST NETHERLAND STEAM MUSTARD and SPICE MILLS, + visiting the whole country, wishes to represent a first + English house in articles of daily consumption. + +It is bad enough to have foreign labourers competing with our people. +But if they are going to send over, bodily, their mills and other +labour shops, JOHN BULL will be obliged to put his foot down and kick +somebody. + + * * * * * + +SEASONABLE(?) GREETING FOR A CHINAMAN.--A Jappy New Year to you! + + * * * * * + +VIVE LE TAILLEUR DU ROI. + + ["Le duc d'Orléans a voulu donner une leçon aux mauvais + patriotes; il habite Londres, il charge un tailleur parisien + du soin de garnir sa garde-robe."--_French Press._] + + Along the boulevard's busy curb + That bristles bravely with _étrennes_, + A thing has threatened to disturb + The careless _vie parisienne;_ + It isn't spies or journalist blackmailers, + It is the question of monarchic tailors. + + For lo! from _perfide Albion_ + Has lately come a ducal note + With patterns for a _pantalon_ + And therewithal a _redingote;_ + (Observe, in passing, that the royal _billet_ + Says nothing of the corresponding _gilet_). + + Now while in matters of the gown + The _monde_ of Paris sets the _mode_, + Their gay _flâneurs_ that paint the town + Long since affect a foreign code, + Developing in fact a steady passion + For dressing in the latest London fashion. + + With any perfect patriot + How bitterly it stirs the bile, + This craze for being clothed in what + Is thought to be the English style; + It makes the language of his heated brain + Occasionally verge on the profane. + + And now the Exile, armed with red + Hot coals of living anthracite, + Projects them on his country's head, + And more in pity than in spite + Bids France that hunted him and his like rabbits + Henceforth to execute his daily habits. + + Some fancy, romping at results, + The constitution's overthrow, + A view unworthy of adults, + According to the _Figaro;_ + It makes a democrat extremely nettled. + To hear the thing is practically settled. + + Of course there may be something in + That strange omission of the vest, + Yet were it little short of sin + To lay this unction to the breast; + A person isn't worth a paltry _filet_ + Who stakes the Third Republic on a _gilet_. + + There lacks, you see, a final law + To guide in France the statesman's game + The casual ignited straw + Will set the camel's hump aflame; + A _redingote_ may raise enough _éclat_ + To bring about a pretty _coup d'état_. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: FANCY PORTRAIT. + +THE REHEARSAL; OR, PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT. + +"Lord H-LSB-RY will be the principal guest at a smoking 'At Home,' +Jan. 25th, at the W-stm-nst-r P-l-ce Hotel."--_Daily Paper._] + + * * * * * + +A GENTLE HINT TO THE JUBILANT JAP. + + There is a Jappy land + Far, far away, + Where Art they understand; + None more than they. + Now in fair battle's ring + They've pummelled poor PING-WING, + All men their praises sing + Who've won the day. + + Bright in that Jappy land + Beams every eye. + But, though their pluck be grand, + Bar-bar-i-ty + Their choicest gifts will mar, + Blood stains their rising star, + Foul slaughter is not war. + Fie, Jappy, fie! + + * * * * * + +A CABINET SECRET. + +(_Fragment for the Historian of the Future._) + + [After the Cabinet several of the Ministers present took + luncheon with the CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER.--_Daily + Paper._] + +There had been an exciting meeting of the Members of the Ministry. +The gathering had taken place at noon, and after several angry +altercations it had been adjourned. But the objector-in-chief had +admirably kept his temper. He came of a gallant and illustrious race, +and blood is thicker than water. + +"I must not forget the teachings of my Uncle DICK," he had murmured, +as it was suggested that two of his favourite projects should be +slaughtered, like the infant Princes in the Tower. + +Then, when there was an inclination on the part of his colleagues to +quarrel amongst themselves, he cleverly fanned the fire, and increased +the incipient strife. + +"It was the mode adopted by my maiden Aunt, QUEEN ELIZABETH, and +it succeeded in her time. Why should the passing of three or four +centuries make any difference? After all, human nature is--in +fact--human nature!" + +And so the dull minutes passed away. The time came for luncheon. Then +he smiled a smile full of mystic hospitality. + +"It will put the bloodhounds of the Press off the scent if I ask them +to luncheon with me. It is sure to be reported in the papers, and who +will imagine that I would willingly entertain a possible opponent to +the coming Budget? Moreover, revenge is sweet; not that I would take +it! not that I would take it!" + +And then he entreated several of his colleagues to "crush a cup with +him," using a phraseology that had found favour in the mouths of the +Crusaders. + +"And ROSEY, will not you come?" The question was asked with much +cordiality. The PREMIER did not reply. He merely smiled, and the smile +seemed to be a sufficient answer. + + * * * + +Shortly afterwards (as subsequently reported in the newspapers) the +noble Earl took luncheon at his own home. + +"I wonder what wine he has given _them?_" And he smiled again. + + * * * * * + +"BOYS AND GIRLS COME OUT TO----PANTOMIME!" + +_Santa Claus_, the afternoon pantomime at the Lyceum, is even better +than Mr. OSCAR BARRETT'S _Cinderella_ of last year. There is plenty +of splendour in the fairy piece, considered merely as a "spectacle," +enough, indeed, to make a "pair of spectacles," and to cause much +speculation as to how they manage to stow away all the scenery, +properties, and costumes at five o'clock every afternoon, in order +to make room for _King Arthur_, who, on the temporary abdication of +_Santa Claus_ (a part admirably acted and declaimed by Mr. WILLIAM +RIGNOLD), reigns at the Lyceum from eight till eleven. But besides the +dazzling brilliancy of fairy pantomime, there is in it not only real +fun which delights the youngsters, for whom the entertainment is +primarily intended, but also a touch of dramatic pathos, as shown +in the death of the devoted dog _Tatters_, a dog who has his day and +dies, whose cruel fate excites the compassion of old and young alike. +All are rejoiced when they find out that clever Mr. CHARLES LAURI, of +whom it can be complimentarily said that "he is a perfect beast," is +restored to life, and that the Heavenly Twins are happily revived. + +[Illustration] + +As the two toy soldiers Messrs. HARRY and FRED KITCHEN--the front +and back kitchen--are first-rate. But where all are so good it is +impossible, within the limits of a paragraph, to particularise. Messrs +BARRETT and LENNARD are to be congratulated, and, as _Hamlet_ says, +"The Pantomime's the thing," and, as Shakspearian readers will +remember, _Hamlet's_ father went to _matinées_,--wasn't it "his custom +always of an afternoon"?--only there's no sleeping here, but everyone +very wide awake, and all "going home to tea" thoroughly satisfied with +_Santa Claus_. Who says _Le Roi Pantomime est mort_, when the Lyceum +is crowded for _matinées_, and, outside the doors of Old Drury, daily +and nightly appear the placards, "House Full"? + + * * * * * + +A "TIT BIT."--When they speak of some one of the Baby Baronets, _i.e._ +the recently created Baronets, they don't say he is among the Old'uns; +but "He is among the New'nes." + + * * * * * + +"A PENNY PLAIN--BUT OSCAR COLOURED." + +(_An Entertainment Antagonistic to Amusement._) + + SCENE--_Anywhere. Characters distributed about the Stage in + more or less admired confusion._ + +_Anybody._ So we are living in a penny romance. And this is Society. + +_Charles his Friend._ Society is everything but sociable. + +_Somebody._ But why should the PRIME MINISTER be threatened by a +professional blackmailer? + +_Charles his Friend._ In matters of this kind the PREMIER is the +_dernier_. + +_Someone Else._ But surely the same sort of thing has been done by +SARDOU in _Dora?_ + +_Charles his Friend._ Why not? A dramatist has only one virtue, he +never invents a drama. + +_A Casual Visitor._ Then we have only to regard the Adelphi as a +model, and take the Wyldest license with the dialogue. + +_Charles his Friend._ Quite so. After all, a paradox is merely a +platitude. + +_A Caller._ But do great men do these things? + +_Charles his Friend._ The great do all things because they are little. + +_A Lady._ Surely a wife should look up to her husband? + +_Charles his Friend._ So she does--unless she wears high heels. + +_A Person._ And a wife, if she found her husband in trouble, would +surely cleave to him? + +_Charles his Friend._ So she would, if she only knew where to find +him. + +_Another Person._ That reminds me that a play, to be successful, must +have the plot of a shilling shocker--much diluted. + +_Charles his Friend._ A shocker shocks no one save its--publisher. + +_A New Comer._ Then the blackmailer was defeated in the end--as bad +people invariably are when vice is at a discount and virtue at a +premium. + +_Charles his Friend._ Virtue never is at a premium, save when it is +mistaken for vice. + +_A blasé Man of the World._ And yet, in spite of all this, I have had +a pleasant evening. + +_Charles his Friend._ So has an author when he is laughing in his +sleeve and confuses black with white. + +_Someone._ But does the author never know the difference? + +_Charles his Friend._ What does it matter? If he thinks himself right, +everybody will know that he is wrong! + +_The Audience._ All this is very clever because it is unintelligible. + +_The Author._ So I believe. Only I stand upon my irresponsibility. But +is anyone satisfied with anything in a playhouse? + +_Charles his Friend._ Only with the fall of the curtain! + + [_Scene closes in upon nothing in particular._ + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: INDUCTION. + +"IS THIS THE _NEW_ BABY, DADDY?"--"YES, DEAR." + +"WHY, HE'S GOT NO TEETH!"--"NO, DEAR." + +"AND HE'S GOT NO HAIR!"--"NO, DEAR." + +"OH, DADDY, IT _MUST_ BE AN _OLD_ BABY!"] + + * * * * * + +THE REAL NEW WOMAN. + + I own there are heights that she cannot attain. + She is not at home with a gun. + In pastimes where one living creature is slain + She cannot perceive any fun; + And never a poor feathered songster has died + Her hat or her bonnet to grace; + And after the hounds it were torture to ride, + Lest Reynard should lose in the race. + + And much she ignores that New Women should learn, + And still she refuses to smoke: + One wine from another she cannot discern, + But she's splendid at seeing a joke. + Her love and her friendship no labour can fret, + No jealousy seems to alarm. + In truth, not a mortal could ever forget + Her humour, her kindness, her charm. + + Though dozens of friends of her fealty boast, + Her desk with epistles is packed, + Her very own relatives love her the most-- + A somewhat remarkable fact! + With bores and with fools she ungrudgingly bears, + And though it may end in her loss, + With cabmen she never can wrangle for fares, + Or haggle a counter across. + + Her eyes, that are loyal and fearless and kind, + At wrong or injustice will flame, + But they never seem anxious a failure to find, + They never are hasty to blame; + And well she is loved by the best and the worst, + For sympathy, courage, and truth, + For friendship unfailing they love her, the first; + The last, for her infinite ruth. + + Oh, what if she never should do or should dare + In regions by Woman untrod? + Yet, when her step passes, men turn from despair, + And trust in the world and in God. + Oh, what if no "record" she cares to eclipse, + Nor manners nor morals defies? + But pain she would face with a smile on her lips, + And death with a light in her eyes! + + * * * * * + +"THE GHIZEH MUSEUM."--A question has been asked in the _Times_ as to +why the name of Professor PETRIE has been omitted from the Commission +for the Museum of Egyptian Antiquities. The answer, whether +satisfactory or not, is that considering the overwhelming learning +on this special subject of the distinguished Professor it is probable +that the energies of the other members would be "Petrie-fied." + + * * * * * + +MOTTO FOR HORRID COLD WEATHER.--"Bed's the Best." + + * * * * * + +MRS. BLOOMER. + + ["The news of the death of Mrs. BLOOMER, at Council Bluffs, + Iowa, revives many memories of a distant past."--_Daily + Graphic._] + + So Mrs. BLOOMER'S gone! but let her name + Once more appear in _Mr. Punch's_ pages. + 'Twas long ago, almost the Middle Ages, + That LEECH'S pencil advertised her fame! + + Her costume was unlovely--let it fade + For ever from the ken of human vision! + Though nowadays 'twould scarce provoke derision, + If worn by pretty girls and tailor-made. + + For by the lady-cyclist, as she plies + Her pedal, neatly clad in knickerbockers. + See Mrs. BLOOMER, first of Grundy-shockers. + Now vindicated in Dame Fashion's eyes! + + But, not in dress alone a pioneer, + She edited the temp'rance _Water Bucket_, + And many a blow 'gainst drink with pluck hit; + Then let us o'er her passing shed a tear! + + * * * * * + +AT THE EMPIRE.--The celebrated _chanteuse_ Mlle. MEALY is engaged. +We've not yet heard her, but of course this lady's songs should be of +a very delicate nature, as she herself must be "Mealy-mouthed." + + * * * * * + + + + +Transcriber's Note: + +Page 25: 'change' corrected to 'charge'. "it was that last charge of +yours at the head of your magnificent Thundershakers that has +converted defeat into victory,..." + +Page 27: 'The Dandy Afghan Khan': 'Dost Mohammed' in the first Chorus, +becomes 'Dost Mahommed' in the last. Wikipedia gives 'Dost Mohammed.' + +Page 28: 'APPLEBOSSOM' corrected to 'APPLEBLOSSOM'. + +""Bless me, you have a treasure!" continued APPLEBLOSSOM, Q.C.,..." + +Page 29: 'seven-eights' corrected to 'seven-eighths' + +""An Old BOOTS!" cried my better seven-eighths,..." + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. +108, January 19, 1895, by Various + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 42480 *** |