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diff --git a/42400-h/42400-h.htm b/42400-h/42400-h.htm index ad93ca6..bd31384 100644 --- a/42400-h/42400-h.htm +++ b/42400-h/42400-h.htm @@ -2,7 +2,7 @@ "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd"> <html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en" > <head> -<meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1"/> +<meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=UTF-8"/> <title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Mr. Punch's Book of Love.</title> <style type="text/css"> @@ -89,50 +89,7 @@ </style> </head> <body> - - -<pre> - -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Mr. Punch's Book of Love, by Various - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - - -Title: Mr. Punch's Book of Love - Being the Humours of Courtship and Matrimony - -Author: Various - -Editor: J. A. Hammerton - -Illustrator: John Leech and others - -Release Date: March 24, 2013 [EBook #42400] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MR. PUNCH'S BOOK OF LOVE *** - - - - -Produced by Neville Allen, Chris Curnow and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive) - - - - - - -</pre> - +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 42400 ***</div> <p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_i" id="Page_i">[Cover]</a></span></p> <div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;"> @@ -632,7 +589,7 @@ life to go to bed shober—and I can't posh'bly come to bed yet!"</p> <div class="poem w26"><div class="stanza"> <p class="i12">Hotel, <i>table</i></p> -<p class="i12"><i>d'hôte</i> a rabble.</p> +<p class="i12"><i>d'hôte</i> a rabble.</p> <p class="i18">Shun it!</p> <p class="i12">Private cover</p> <p class="i12">Sooner over—</p> @@ -1392,7 +1349,7 @@ of courage."</p> <hr class="tb" /> -<p>"<span class="smcap">À Propos!</span>"—<i>Sententious Old Bachelor</i> (<i>in the course of +<p>"<span class="smcap">À Propos!</span>"—<i>Sententious Old Bachelor</i> (<i>in the course of conversation</i>). "As the 'old saw' has it, my dear madam, 'Man proposes, but——'"</p> @@ -2080,7 +2037,7 @@ give credence to a word I say.</p> <p>I have just been calling on your sister, and saw your little pet Poppy, who talked in her pretty <i>Early English</i> about "Tant Tarry." Aunt Sarah -was there, staying the day, looking as mediæval as ever, and with her +was there, staying the day, looking as mediæval as ever, and with her hair dressed in the usual Decorated style. She hinted that you were imperious, and that any man who married you must make up his mind (grim joke) to fetch and Carry at your bidding. And then you were so @@ -2111,13 +2068,13 @@ Your own, till Domesday, <span class="smcap">Norman</span>.<br /> </p> <p>What a stew I was in all Friday, when no letter came from my Patty! -Everything went wrong. I made a hash of one of my <i>entrées</i>, and the +Everything went wrong. I made a hash of one of my <i>entrées</i>, and the <i>chef</i>, who guessed the cause of my confusion, roasted me so that at last I boiled over, and gave him rather a tart answer, for, as you know, I am at times a little too peppery. Thy sweet note, when it <i>did</i> arrive, made all right. I believe I was quite foolish, and went capering about with delight. And then I cooled down, and composed a new -<i>soufflé</i>. So you see I do not fritter away <i>all</i> my time, whatever +<i>soufflé</i>. So you see I do not fritter away <i>all</i> my time, whatever those malicious people who are so ready to carp at me may think.</p> <p>You say you always like to know where I go in an evening. Well, I went @@ -2130,7 +2087,7 @@ when we were the top couple in the supper quadrille, and I shouted, lady, who looked a trifle vexed. Don't you remember that Spring? You must, because the young potatoes were so small.)</p> -<p>Your <i>protégé</i>, Peter, goes on famously. He's a broth of a boy, not a +<p>Your <i>protégé</i>, Peter, goes on famously. He's a broth of a boy, not a pickle, like many lads of his age, and yet he won't stand being sauced, as he calls it. He and I nearly got parted at the station, for the crowd was very great after the races—in fact, a regular jam. It rained hard @@ -2164,8 +2121,8 @@ Worcestershire? Perhaps, I think most of coming back to the little house which I know somebody will always keep in apple-pie order, and of covers for two; and I shall admire the pretty filbert-nails while she peels my nuts, and we will both give up our flirtations, mere <i>entremets</i>, and -sit down soberly to enjoy that substantial <i>pièce de -résistance</i>—Matrimony. Do you like the <i>menu</i>? Then, my lamb, say "yes" +sit down soberly to enjoy that substantial <i>pièce de +résistance</i>—Matrimony. Do you like the <i>menu</i>? Then, my lamb, say "yes" to</p> <p class="regards">Your own</p> @@ -2569,7 +2526,7 @@ approve of married clergymen!"</p> <hr class="tb" /> -<p><span class="smcap">Æsthetics of Dress.</span>—<i>Customer</i> (<i>he has been bidden to a wedding, and +<p><span class="smcap">Æsthetics of Dress.</span>—<i>Customer</i> (<i>he has been bidden to a wedding, and can't make up his mind in the matter of trouser patterns, but at last says</i>). "O, there! that'll do, I sh'd think!" <i>Tailor.</i> "Pardon me, sir; if you are going to be 'best man,' the shade is hardly tender enough!"</p> @@ -2600,7 +2557,7 @@ may be a lovely head, but ain't he got a big bump of <i>cautiousness</i>!"</p> <p class="i0">"A nation of shopkeepers!" Well, that old jeer</p> <p class="i0">May fall with small sting on an Englishman's ear,</p> <p class="i2">For 'tis commerce that keeps the world going.</p> -<p class="i0">But <i>this</i> kind of shop? By his <i>bâton</i> and hunch,</p> +<p class="i0">But <i>this</i> kind of shop? By his <i>bâton</i> and hunch,</p> <p class="i0">The thought of it sickens the spirit of <i>Punch</i>,</p> <p class="i2">And sets his cheek angrily glowing.</p> </div><div class="stanza"> @@ -2630,12 +2587,12 @@ may be a lovely head, but ain't he got a big bump of <i>cautiousness</i>!"</p> <p class="i6">Is not so revolting as these are,</p> <p class="i0">These ultra-reptilian rascals, who spy</p> <p class="i0">Round our homes, and, for pay, would, with treacherous eye,</p> -<p class="i2">Find flaws in the wife e'en of Cæsar.</p> +<p class="i2">Find flaws in the wife e'en of Cæsar.</p> </div><div class="stanza"> <p class="i0">Find? Well, if unable to <i>find</i> they will <i>make</i>.</p> <p class="i0">No, the loathliest asp that e'er lurked in the brake</p> <p class="i2">To spring on the passer unwary,</p> -<p class="i0">Was not such an <i>anguis in herbâ</i> as this is,</p> +<p class="i0">Was not such an <i>anguis in herbâ</i> as this is,</p> <p class="i0">Mean worm, which of all warning rattles and hisses</p> <p class="i2">Is so calculatingly chary.</p> </div><div class="stanza"> @@ -3039,7 +2996,7 @@ would improve!"</p> <p class="center">HARMONY</p> <p><i>Brown</i> (<i>Philistine</i>). "I heard it was all 'off' between you and Miss Roweshett."</p> -<p><i>Wobbinson</i> (<i>Æsthete</i>). "Ya-as. Incompatibility of complexion!—she +<p><i>Wobbinson</i> (<i>Æsthete</i>). "Ya-as. Incompatibility of complexion!—she didn't suit my furnitchar!!"</p> </div> @@ -3204,7 +3161,7 @@ on his house as a club, where all is comfort and self-indulgence.</p> <hr class="tb" /> -<p><span class="smcap">The Poet and his Love</span>—(<span class="smcap">A Lapsus Linguæ.</span>)—<i>He.</i> "I see that you wear +<p><span class="smcap">The Poet and his Love</span>—(<span class="smcap">A Lapsus Linguæ.</span>)—<i>He.</i> "I see that you wear brown boots, sweetheart—a sign of the falling of the year." <i>She.</i> "Yes, it is in concord with the decadence of the leaf." <i>He.</i> "Say rather of the cutting of the corn." (<i>And then the match was broken off @@ -3247,7 +3204,7 @@ I couldn't think of anything else to say!"</p> <hr class="tb" /> -<h2>THE FIN DE SIÈCLE SUITOR.</h2> +<h2>THE FIN DE SIÈCLE SUITOR.</h2> <div class="poem w36"><div class="stanza"> <p class="i0">I love you in an all-absorbing, fond, unselfish way,</p> @@ -3417,7 +3374,7 @@ repeat itself. You are now once more in a position to undertake a further instalment of <i>Mes Larmes</i>. No. We<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[Pg 146]</a></span> are overstocked with poetry. The man, of course, is beneath contempt.</p> -<p><span class="smcap">Two Strings.</span>—Your <i>fiancé</i> must be a perfect <i>Othello</i>. It is, as you +<p><span class="smcap">Two Strings.</span>—Your <i>fiancé</i> must be a perfect <i>Othello</i>. It is, as you justly remark, monstrous that he should object to your cousin seven times removed taking you to the theatre once or twice a week. Of course he is a relative.</p> @@ -3897,7 +3854,7 @@ always getting out of order!"</p> <img src="images/i_167.png" width="600" alt="Two men talking." /></a> <p class="center">PAST AND PRESENT</p> <p><i>Serious and much-Married Man.</i> "My dear friend, I <i>was</i> astonished to -hear of <i>your</i> dining at Madame Troisétoiles!—a 'woman with a past,' +hear of <i>your</i> dining at Madame Troisétoiles!—a 'woman with a past,' you know!"</p> <p><i>The Friend (bachelor "unattached").</i> "Well, you see, old man, she's got a first-rate <i>chef</i>, so it isn't her 'past,' but her 're-past' that <i>I</i> @@ -4039,7 +3996,7 @@ afraid you'll miss the lecture to-night."</p> </div><div class="stanza"> <p class="i0">But I must curb my temper,</p> <p class="i2">Grumbling helps not wedlock's ills.</p> -<p class="i0">Fashion, High Church, or Æsthetics,</p> +<p class="i0">Fashion, High Church, or Æsthetics,</p> <p class="i2">Let me grin and pay the bills!</p> </div></div> @@ -4052,7 +4009,7 @@ afraid you'll miss the lecture to-night."</p> <img src="images/i_176.png" width="300" alt="Two men talking." /></a> <p class="center">FOREWARNED</p> <p><i>Claude Merridew, leaderette-writer, reviewer, &c. (sentimentally).</i> -"Whenever I think of Althæa, Miss Vansittart I mean, I am irresistibly +"Whenever I think of Althæa, Miss Vansittart I mean, I am irresistibly reminded of those matchless words of Steele's—'To love her was a liberal education.'"</p> <p><i>Algy (following the idea with difficulty).</i> "That's all right, old man, @@ -4368,7 +4325,7 @@ must try to find him an <i>antidote</i>."</p> fifteen to her mother the other morning. "Married!" exclaimed the astonished matron, "what put such an idea into your head?" "Little Emily, here, has never seen a wedding; and I'd like to amuse the child," -replied the obliging sister, with fascinating <i>naïveté</i>.</p> +replied the obliging sister, with fascinating <i>naïveté</i>.</p> <hr class="tb" /> @@ -4415,383 +4372,6 @@ consequences.</i>)</p> <p class="center">BRADBURY. AGNEW & CO. LD. 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