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diff --git a/42395-0.txt b/42395-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b303dbe --- /dev/null +++ b/42395-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,3943 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 42395 *** + +W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM + +THE CIRCLE + + + +Plays: +THE EXPLORER +MRS. DOT +A MAN OF HONOUR +PENELOPE +JACK STRAW +LADY FREDERICK +THE TENTH MAN +LANDED GENTRY +THE UNKNOWN +SMITH + +Novels: +OF HUMAN BONDAGE +THE MOON AND SIXPENCE +THE TREMBLING OF A LEAF +LIZA OF LAMBETH +MRS. CADDOCK +THE EXPLORER +THE MAGICIAN +THE MERRY-GO-ROUND + +THE LAND OF THE BLESSED VIRGIN +(_Sketches and Impressions in Andalusia_) + + + +THE CIRCLE + +A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS + +BY + +W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM + +NEW YORK +GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY + + + +COPYRIGHT, 1921, +BY GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY + +_All applications regarding the Performance Rights of this play should +be addressed to The American Play Company, 33 West 42nd Street, New +York._ + +PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA + + + +PERSONS OF THE PLAY + +CLIVE CHAMPION-CHENEY +ARNOLD CHAMPION-CHENEY, M.P. +LORD PORTEOUS +EDWARD LUTON +LADY CATHERINE CHAMPION-CHENEY +ELIZABETH +MRS. SHENSTONE. + +_The action takes place at Aston-Adey, Arnold Champion-Cheney's house +in Dorset._ + + + + +THE CIRCLE + +THE FIRST ACT + +_The Scene is a stately drawing-room at Aston-Adey, with fine pictures +on the walls and Georgian furniture. Aston-Adey has been described, +with many illustrations, in Country Life. It is not a house, but a +place. Its owner takes a great pride in it, and there is nothing in +the room which is not of the period. Through the French windows at the +back can be seen the beautiful gardens which are one of the features._ + +_It is a fine summer morning._ + +_ARNOLD comes in. He is a man of about thirty-five, tall and +good-looking, fair, with a clean-cut, sensitive face. He has a look +that is intellectual, but somewhat bloodless. He is very well +dressed._ + +ARNOLD. [_Calling._] Elizabeth! [_He goes to the window and calls +again._] Elizabeth! [_He rings the bell. While he is waiting he gives +a look round the room. He slightly alters the position of one of the +chairs. He takes an ornament from the chimney-piece and blows the dust +from it._] + +[_A FOOTMAN comes in._ + +Oh, George! see if you can find Mrs. Cheney, and ask her if she'd be +good enough to come here. + +FOOTMAN. Very good, sir. + +[_The FOOTMAN turns to go._ + +ARNOLD. Who is supposed to look after this room? + +FOOTMAN. I don't know, sir. + +ARNOLD. I wish when they dust they'd take care to replace the things +exactly as they were before. + +FOOTMAN. Yes, sir. + +ARNOLD. [_Dismissing him._] All right. + +[_The FOOTMAN goes out. He goes again to the window and calls._ + +ARNOLD. Elizabeth! [_He sees MRS. SHENSTONE._] Oh, Anna, do you know +where Elizabeth is? + +[_MRS. SHENSTONE comes in from the garden. She is a woman of forty, +pleasant and of elegant appearance._ + +ANNA. Isn't she playing tennis? + +ARNOLD. No, I've been down to the tennis court. Something very +tiresome has happened. + +ANNA. Oh? + +ARNOLD. I wonder where the deuce she is. + +ANNA. When do you expect Lord Porteous and Lady Kitty? + +ARNOLD. They're motoring down in time for luncheon. + +ANNA. Are you sure you want me to be here? It's not too late yet, you +know. I can have my things packed and catch a train for somewhere or +other. + +ARNOLD. No, of course we want you. It'll make it so much easier if +there are people here. It was exceedingly kind of you to come. + +ANNA. Oh, nonsense! + +ARNOLD. And I think it was a good thing to have Teddie Luton down. + +ANNA. He is so breezy, isn't he? + +ARNOLD. Yes, that's his great asset. I don't know that he's very +intelligent, but, you know, there are occasions when you want a bull +in a china shop. I sent one of the servants to find Elizabeth. + +ANNA. I daresay she's putting on her shoes. She and Teddie were going +to have a single. + +ARNOLD. It can't take all this time to change one's shoes. + +ANNA. [_With a smile._] One can't change one's shoes without powdering +one's nose, you know. + +[_ELIZABETH comes in. She is a very pretty creature in the early +twenties. She wears a light summer frock._ + +ARNOLD. My dear, I've been hunting for you everywhere. What _have_ you +been doing? + +ELIZABETH. Nothing! I've been standing on my head. + +ARNOLD. My father's here. + +ELIZABETH. [_Startled._] Where? + +ARNOLD. At the cottage. He arrived last night. + +ELIZABETH. Damn! + +ARNOLD. [_Good-humouredly._] I wish you wouldn't say that, Elizabeth. + +ELIZABETH. If you're not going to say "Damn" when a thing's damnable, +when are you going to say "Damn"? + +ARNOLD. I should have thought you could say, "Oh, bother!" or +something like that. + +ELIZABETH. But that wouldn't express my sentiments. Besides, at that +speech day when you were giving away the prizes you said there were no +synonyms in the English language. + +ANNA. [_Smiling._] Oh, Elizabeth! it's very unfair to expect a +politician to live in private up to the statements he makes in public. + +ARNOLD. I'm always willing to stand by anything I've said. There _are_ +no synonyms in the English language. + +ELIZABETH. In that case I shall be regretfully forced to continue to +say "Damn" whenever I feel like it. + +[_EDWARD LUTON shows himself at the window. He is an attractive youth +in flannels._ + +TEDDIE. I say, what about this tennis? + +ELIZABETH. Come in. We're having a scene. + +TEDDIE. [_Entering._] How splendid! What about? + +ELIZABETH. The English language. + +TEDDIE. Don't tell me you've been splitting your infinitives. + +ARNOLD. [_With the shadow of a frown._] I wish you'd be serious, +Elizabeth. The situation is none too pleasant. + +ANNA. I think Teddie and I had better make ourselves scarce. + +ELIZABETH. Nonsense! You're both in it. If there's going to be any +unpleasantness we want your moral support. That's why we asked you to +come. + +TEDDIE. And I thought I'd been asked for my blue eyes. + +ELIZABETH. Vain beast! And they happen to be brown. + +TEDDIE. Is anything up? + +ELIZABETH. Arnold's father arrived last night. + +TEDDIE. Did he, by Jove! I thought he was in Paris. + +ARNOLD. So did we all. He told me he'd be there for the next month. + +ANNA. Have you seen him? + +ARNOLD. No! he rang me up. It's a mercy he had a telephone put in the +cottage. It would have been a pretty kettle of fish if he'd just +walked in. + +ELIZABETH. Did you tell him Lady Catherine was coming? + +ARNOLD. Of course not. I was flabbergasted to know he was here. And +then I thought we'd better talk it over first. + +ELIZABETH. Is he coming along here? + +ARNOLD. Yes. He suggested it, and I couldn't think of any excuse to +prevent him. + +TEDDIE. Couldn't you put the other people off? + +ARNOLD. They're coming by car. They may be here any minute. It's too +late to do that. + +ELIZABETH. Besides, it would be beastly. + +ARNOLD. I knew it was silly to have them here. Elizabeth insisted. + +ELIZABETH. After all, she _is_ your mother, Arnold. + +ARNOLD. That meant precious little to her when she--went away. You +can't imagine it means very much to me now. + +ELIZABETH. It's thirty years ago. It seems so absurd to bear malice +after all that time. + +ARNOLD. I don't bear malice, but the fact remains that she did me the +most irreparable harm. I can find no excuse for her. + +ELIZABETH. Have you ever tried to? + +ARNOLD. My dear Elizabeth, it's no good going over all that again. The +facts are lamentably simple. She had a husband who adored her, a +wonderful position, all the money she could want, and a child of five. +And she ran away with a married man. + +ELIZABETH. Lady Porteous is not a very attractive woman, Arnold. [_To +ANNA._] Do you know her? + +ANNA. [_Smiling._] "Forbidding" is the word, I think. + +ARNOLD. If you're going to make little jokes about it, I have nothing +more to say. + +ANNA. I'm sorry, Arnold. + +ELIZABETH. Perhaps your mother couldn't help herself--if she was in +love? + +ARNOLD. And had no sense of honour, duty, or decency? Oh, yes, under +those circumstances you can explain a great deal. + +ELIZABETH. That's not a very pretty way to speak of your mother. + +ARNOLD. I can't look on her as my mother. + +ELIZABETH. What you can't get over is that she didn't think of you. +Some of us are more mother and some of us more woman. It gives me a +little thrill when I think that she loved that man so much. She +sacrificed her name, her position, and her child to him. + +ARNOLD. You really can't expect the said child to have any great +affection for the mother who treated him like that. + +ELIZABETH. No, I don't think I do. But I think it's a pity after all +these years that you shouldn't be friends. + +ARNOLD. I wonder if you realise what it was to grow up under the +shadow of that horrible scandal. Everywhere, at school, and at Oxford, +and afterwards in London, I was always the son of Lady Kitty Cheney. +Oh, it was cruel, cruel! + +ELIZABETH. Yes, I know, Arnold. It was beastly for you. + +ARNOLD. It would have been bad enough if it had been an ordinary case, +but the position of the people made it ten times worse. My father was +in the House then, and Porteous--he hadn't succeeded to the title--was +in the House too; he was Under-Secretary for Foreign Affairs, and he +was very much in the public eye. + +ANNA. My father always used to say he was the ablest man in the party. +Every one was expecting him to be Prime Minister. + +ARNOLD. You can imagine what a boon it was to the British public. They +hadn't had such a treat for a generation. The most popular song of the +day was about my mother. Did you ever hear it? "Naughty Lady Kitty. +Thought it such a pity . . ." + +ELIZABETH. [_Interrupting._] Oh, Arnold, don't! + +ARNOLD. And then they never let people forget them. If they'd lived +quietly in Florence and not made a fuss the scandal would have died +down. But those constant actions between Lord and Lady Porteous kept +on reminding everyone. + +TEDDIE. What were they having actions about? + +ARNOLD. Of course my father divorced his wife, but Lady Porteous +refused to divorce Porteous. He tried to force her by refusing to +support her and turning her out of her house, and heaven knows what. +They were constantly wrangling in the law courts. + +ANNA. I think it was monstrous of Lady Porteous. + +ARNOLD. She knew he wanted to marry my mother, and she hated my +mother. You can't blame her. + +ANNA. It must have been very difficult for them. + +ARNOLD. That's why they've lived in Florence. Porteous has money. They +found people there who were willing to accept the situation. + +ELIZABETH. This is the first time they've ever come to England. + +ARNOLD. My father will have to be told, Elizabeth. + +ELIZABETH. Yes. + +ANNA. [_To ELIZABETH._] Has he ever spoken to you about Lady Kitty? + +ELIZABETH. Never. + +ARNOLD. I don't think her name has passed his lips since she ran away +from this house thirty years ago. + +TEDDIE. Oh, they lived here? + +ARNOLD. Naturally. There was a house-party, and one evening neither +Porteous nor my mother came down to dinner. The rest of them waited. +They couldn't make it out. My father sent up to my mother's room, and +a note was found on the pincushion. + +ELIZABETH. [_With a faint smile._] That's what they did in the Dark +Ages. + +ARNOLD. I think he took a dislike to this house from that horrible +night. He never lived here again, and when I married he handed the +place over to me. He just has a cottage now on the estate that he +comes to when he feels inclined. + +ELIZABETH. It's been very nice for us. + +ARNOLD. I owe everything to my father. I don't think he'll ever +forgive me for asking these people to come here. + +ELIZABETH. I'm going to take all the blame on myself, Arnold. + +ARNOLD. [_Irritably._] The situation was embarrassing enough anyhow. I +don't know how I ought to treat them. + +ELIZABETH. Don't you think that'll settle itself when you see them? + +ARNOLD. After all, they're my guests. I shall try and behave like a +gentleman. + +ELIZABETH. I wouldn't. We haven't got central heating. + +ARNOLD. [_Taking no notice._] Will she expect me to kiss her? + +ELIZABETH. [_With a smile._] Surely. + +ARNOLD. It always makes me uncomfortable when people are effusive. + +ANNA. But I can't understand why you never saw her before. + +ARNOLD. I believe she tried to see me when I was little, but my father +thought it better she shouldn't. + +ANNA. Yes, but when you were grown up? + +ARNOLD. She was always in Italy. I never went to Italy. + +ELIZABETH. It seems to me so pathetic that if you saw one another in +the street you wouldn't recognise each other. + +ARNOLD. Is it my fault? + +ELIZABETH. You've promised to be very gentle with her and very kind. + +ARNOLD. The mistake was asking Porteous to come too. It looks as +though we condoned the whole thing. And how am I to treat him? Am I to +shake him by the hand and slap him on the back? He absolutely ruined +my father's life. + +ELIZABETH. [_Smiling._] How much would you give for a nice motor +accident that prevented them from coming? + +ARNOLD. I let you persuade me against my better judgment, and I've +regretted it ever since. + +ELIZABETH. [_Good-humouredly._] I think it's very lucky that Anna and +Teddie are here. I don't foresee a very successful party. + +ARNOLD. I'm going to do my best. I gave you my promise and I shall +keep it. But I can't answer for my father. + +ANNA. Here is your father. + +[_MR. CHAMPION-CHENEY shows himself at one of the French windows._ + +C.-C. May I come in through the window, or shall I have myself +announced by a supercilious flunkey? + +ELIZABETH. Come in. We've been expecting you. + +C.-C. Impatiently, I hope, my dear child. + +[_MR. CHAMPION-CHENEY is a tall man in the early sixties, spare, with +a fine head of gray hair and an intelligent, somewhat ascetic face. He +is very carefully dressed. He is a man who makes the most of himself. +He bears his years jauntily. He kisses ELIZABETH and then holds out +his hand to ARNOLD._ + +ELIZABETH. We thought you'd be in Paris for another month. + +C.-C. How are you, Arnold? I always reserve to myself the privilege of +changing my mind. It's the only one elderly gentlemen share with +pretty women. + +ELIZABETH. You know Anna. + +C.-C. [_Shaking hands with her._] Of course I do. How very nice to see +you here! Are you staying long? + +ANNA. As long as I'm welcome. + +ELIZABETH. And this is Mr. Luton. + +C.-C. How do you do? Do you play bridge? + +LUTON. I do. + +C.-C. Capital. Do you declare without top honours? + +LUTON. Never. + +C.-C. Of such is the kingdom of heaven. I see that you are a good +young man. + +LUTON. But, like the good in general, I am poor. + +C.-C. Never mind; if your principles are right, you can play ten +shillings a hundred without danger. I never play less, and I never +play more. + +ARNOLD. And you--are you going to stay long, father? + +C.-C. To luncheon, if you'll have me. + +[_ARNOLD gives ELIZABETH a harassed look._ + +ELIZABETH. That'll be jolly. + +ARNOLD. I didn't mean that. Of course you're going to stay for +luncheon. I meant, how long are you going to stay down here? + +C.-C. A week. + +[_There is a moment's pause. Everyone but CHAMPION-CHENEY is slightly +embarrassed._ + +TEDDIE. I think we'd better chuck our tennis. + +ELIZABETH. Yes. I want my father-in-law to tell me what they're +wearing in Paris this week. + +TEDDIE. I'll go and put the rackets away. + +[_TEDDIE goes out._ + +ARNOLD. It's nearly one o'clock, Elizabeth. + +ELIZABETH. I didn't know it was so late. + +ANNA. [_To ARNOLD._] I wonder if I can persuade you to take a turn in +the garden before luncheon. + +ARNOLD. [_Jumping at the idea._] I'd love it. + +[_ANNA goes out of the window, and as he follows her he stops +irresolutely._ + +I want you to look at this chair I've just got. I think it's rather +good. + +C.-C. Charming. + +ARNOLD. About 1750, I should say. Good design, isn't it? It hasn't +been restored or anything. + +C.-C. Very pretty. + +ARNOLD. I think it was a good buy, don't you? + +C.-C. Oh, my dear boy! you know I'm entirely ignorant about these +things. + +ARNOLD. It's exactly my period . . . I shall see you at luncheon, +then. + +[_He follows ANNA through the window._ + +C.-C. Who is that young man? + +ELIZABETH. Mr. Luton. He's only just been demobilised. He's the +manager of a rubber estate in the F.M.S. + +C.-C. And what are the F.M.S. when they're at home? + +ELIZABETH. The Federated Malay States. He joined up at the beginning +of the war. He's just going back there. + +C.-C. And why have we been left alone in this very marked manner? + +ELIZABETH. Have we? I didn't notice it. + +C.-C. I suppose it's difficult for the young to realise that one may +be old without being a fool. + +ELIZABETH. I never thought you that. Everyone knows you're very +intelligent. + +C.-C. They certainly ought to by now. I've told them often enough. Are +you a little nervous? + +ELIZABETH. Let me feel my pulse. [_She puts her finger on her wrist._] +It's perfectly regular. + +C.-C. When I suggested staying to luncheon Arnold looked exactly like +a dose of castor oil. + +ELIZABETH. I wish you'd sit down. + +C.-C. Will it make it easier for you? [_He takes a chair._] You have +evidently something very disagreeable to say to me. + +ELIZABETH. You won't be cross with me? + +C.-C. How old are you? + +ELIZABETH. Twenty-five. + +C.-C. I'm never cross with a woman under thirty. + +ELIZABETH. Oh, then I've got ten years. + +C.-C. Mathematics? + +ELIZABETH. No. Paint. + +C.-C. Well? + +ELIZABETH. [_Reflectively._] I think it would be easier if I sat on +your knees. + +C.-C. That is a pleasing taste of yours, but you must take care not to +put on weight. + +[_She sits down on his knees._ + +ELIZABETH. Am I boney? + +C.-C. On the contrary. . . . I'm listening. + +ELIZABETH. Lady Catherine's coming here. + +C.-C. Who's Lady Catherine? + +ELIZABETH. Your--Arnold's mother. + +C.-C. Is she? + +[_He withdraws himself a little and ELIZABETH gets up._ + +ELIZABETH. You mustn't blame Arnold. It's my fault. I insisted. He was +against it. I nagged him till he gave way. And then I wrote and asked +her to come. + +C.-C. I didn't know you knew her. + +ELIZABETH. I don't. But I heard she was in London. She's staying at +Claridge's. It seemed so heartless not to take the smallest notice of +her. + +C.-C. When is she coming? + +ELIZABETH. We're expecting her in time for luncheon. + +C.-C. As soon as that? I understand the embarrassment. + +ELIZABETH. You see, we never expected you to be here. You said you'd +be in Paris for another month. + +C.-C. My dear child, this is your house. There's no reason why you +shouldn't ask whom you please to stay with you. + +ELIZABETH. After all, whatever her faults, she's Arnold's mother. It +seemed so unnatural that they should never see one another. My heart +ached for that poor lonely woman. + +C.-C. I never heard that she was lonely, and she certainly isn't poor. + +ELIZABETH. And there's something else. I couldn't ask her by herself. +It would have been so--so insulting. I asked Lord Porteous, too. + +C.-C. I see. + +ELIZABETH. I daresay you'd rather not meet them. + +C.-C. I daresay they'd rather not meet me. I shall get a capital +luncheon at the cottage. I've noticed you always get the best food if +you come in unexpectedly and have the same as they're having in the +servants' hall. + +ELIZABETH. No one's ever talked to me about Lady Kitty. It's always +been a subject that everyone has avoided. I've never even seen a +photograph of her. + +C.-C. The house was full of them when she left. I think I told the +butler to throw them in the dust-bin. She was very much photographed. + +ELIZABETH. Won't you tell me what she was like? + +C.-C. She was very like you, Elizabeth, only she had dark hair instead +of red. + +ELIZABETH. Poor dear! it must be quite white now. + +C.-C. I daresay. She was a pretty little thing. + +ELIZABETH. But she was one of the great beauties of her day. They say +she was lovely. + +C.-C. She had the most adorable little nose, like yours. . . . + +ELIZABETH. D'you like my nose? + +C.-C. And she was very dainty, with a beautiful little figure; very +light on her feet. She was like a _marquise_ in an old French comedy. +Yes, she was lovely. + +ELIZABETH. And I'm sure she's lovely still. + +C.-C. She's no chicken, you know. + +ELIZABETH. You can't expect me to look at it as you and Arnold do. +When you've loved as she's loved you may grow old, but you grow old +beautifully. + +C.-C. You're very romantic. + +ELIZABETH. If everyone hadn't made such a mystery of it I daresay I +shouldn't feel as I do. I know she did a great wrong to you and a +great wrong to Arnold. I'm willing to acknowledge that. + +C.-C. I'm sure it's very kind of you. + +ELIZABETH. But she loved and she dared. Romance is such an illusive +thing. You read of it in books, but it's seldom you see it face to +face. I can't help it if it thrills me. + +C.-C. I am painfully aware that the husband in these cases is not a +romantic object. + +ELIZABETH. She had the world at her feet. You were rich. She was a +figure in society. And she gave up everything for love. + +C.-C. [_Dryly._] I'm beginning to suspect it wasn't only for her sake +and for Arnold's that you asked her to come here. + +ELIZABETH. I seem to know her already. I think her face is a little +sad, for a love like that doesn't leave you gay, it leaves you grave, +but I think her pale face is unlined. It's like a child's. + +C.-C. My dear, how you let your imagination run away with you! + +ELIZABETH. I imagine her slight and frail. + +C.-C. Frail, certainly. + +ELIZABETH. With beautiful thin hands and white hair. I've pictured her +so often in that Renaissance Palace that they live in, with old +Masters on the walls and lovely carved things all round, sitting in a +black silk dress with old lace round her neck and old-fashioned +diamonds. You see, I never knew my mother; she died when I was a baby. +You can't confide in aunts with huge families of their own. I want +Arnold's mother to be a mother to me. I've got so much to say to her. + +C.-C. Are you happy with Arnold? + +ELIZABETH. Why shouldn't I be? + +C.-C. Why haven't you got any babies? + +ELIZABETH. Give us a little time. We've only been married three years. + +C.-C. I wonder what Hughie is like now! + +ELIZABETH. Lord Porteous? + +C.-C. He wore his clothes better than any man in London. You know he'd +have been Prime Minister if he'd remained in politics. + +ELIZABETH. What was he like then? + +C.-C. He was a nice-looking fellow. Fine horseman. I suppose there was +something very fascinating about him. Yellow hair and blue eyes, you +know. He had a very good figure. I liked him. I was his parliamentary +secretary. He was Arnold's godfather. + +ELIZABETH. I know. + +C.-C. I wonder if he ever regrets! + +ELIZABETH. I wouldn't. + +C.-C. Well, I must be strolling back to my cottage. + +ELIZABETH. You're not angry with me? + +C.-C. Not a bit. + +[_She puts up her face for him to kiss. He kisses her on both cheeks +and then goes out. In a moment TEDDIE is seen at the window._ + +TEDDIE. I saw the old blighter go. + +ELIZABETH. Come in. + +TEDDIE. Everything all right? + +ELIZABETH. Oh, quite, as far as he's concerned. He's going to keep out +of the way. + +TEDDIE. Was it beastly? + +ELIZABETH. No, he made it very easy for me. He's a nice old thing. + +TEDDIE. You were rather scared. + +ELIZABETH. A little. I am still. I don't know why. + +TEDDIE. I guessed you were. I thought I'd come and give you a little +moral support. It's ripping here, isn't it? + +ELIZABETH. It is rather nice. + +TEDDIE. It'll be jolly to think of it when I'm back in the F.M.S. + +ELIZABETH. Aren't you homesick sometimes? + +TEDDIE. Oh, everyone is now and then, you know. + +ELIZABETH. You could have got a job in England if you'd wanted to, +couldn't you? + +TEDDIE. Oh, but I love it out there. England's ripping to come back +to, but I couldn't live here now. It's like a woman you're desperately +in love with as long as you don't see her, but when you're with her +she maddens you so that you can't bear her. + +ELIZABETH. [_Smiling._] What's wrong with England? + +TEDDIE. I don't think anything's wrong with England. I expect +something's wrong with me. I've been away too long. England seems to +me full of people doing things they don't want to because other people +expect it of them. + +ELIZABETH. Isn't that what you call a high degree of civilisation? + +TEDDIE. People seem to me so insincere. When you go to parties in +London they're all babbling about art, and you feel that in their +hearts they don't care twopence about it. They read the books that +everybody is talking about because they don't want to be out of it. In +the F.M.S. we don't get very many books, and we read those we have +over and over again. They mean so much to us. I don't think the people +over there are half so clever as the people at home, but one gets to +know them better. You see, there are so few of us that we have to make +the best of one another. + +ELIZABETH. I imagine that frills are not much worn in the F.M.S. It +must be a comfort. + +TEDDIE. It's not much good being pretentious where everyone knows +exactly who you are and what your income is. + +ELIZABETH. I don't think you want too much sincerity in society. It +would be like an iron girder in a house of cards. + +TEDDIE. And then, you know, the place is ripping. You get used to a +blue sky and you miss it in England. + +ELIZABETH. What do you do with yourself all the time? + +TEDDIE. Oh, one works like blazes. You have to be a pretty hefty +fellow to be a planter. And then there's ripping bathing. You know, +it's lovely, with palm trees all along the beach. And there's +shooting. And now and then we have a little dance to a gramophone. + +ELIZABETH. [_Pretending to tease him._] I think you've got a young +woman out there, Teddie. + +TEDDIE. [_Vehemently._] Oh, no! + +[_She is a little taken aback by the earnestness of his disclaimer. +There is a moment's silence, then she recovers herself._ + +ELIZABETH. But you'll have to marry and settle down one of these days, +you know. + +TEDDIE. I want to, but it's not a thing you can do lightly. + +ELIZABETH. I don't know why there more than elsewhere. + +TEDDIE. In England if people don't get on they go their own ways and +jog along after a fashion. In a place like that you're thrown a great +deal on your own resources. + +ELIZABETH. Of course. + +TEDDIE. Lots of girls come out because they think they're going to +have a good time. But if they're empty-headed, then they're just faced +with their own emptiness and they're done. If their husbands can +afford it they go home and settle down as grass-widows. + +ELIZABETH. I've met them. They seem to find it a very pleasant +occupation. + +TEDDIE. It's rotten for their husbands, though. + +ELIZABETH. And if the husbands can't afford it? + +TEDDIE. Oh, then they tipple. + +ELIZABETH. It's not a very alluring prospect. + +TEDDIE. But if the woman's the right sort she wouldn't exchange it for +any life in the world. When all's said and done it's we who've made +the Empire. + +ELIZABETH. What sort is the right sort? + +TEDDIE. A woman of courage and endurance and sincerity. Of course, +it's hopeless unless she's in love with her husband. + +[_He is looking at her earnestly and she, raising her eyes, gives him +a long look. There is silence between them._ + +TEDDIE. My house stands on the side of a hill, and the cocoanut trees +wind down to the shore. Azaleas grow in my garden, and camellias, and +all sorts of ripping flowers. And in front of me is the winding coast +line, and then the blue sea. + +[_A pause._ + +Do you know that I'm awfully in love with you? + +ELIZABETH. [_Gravely._] I wasn't quite sure. I wondered. + +TEDDIE. And you? + +[_She nods slowly._ + +I've never kissed you. + +ELIZABETH. I don't want you to. + +[_They look at one another steadily. They are both grave. ARNOLD comes +in hurriedly._ + +ARNOLD. They're coming, Elizabeth. + +ELIZABETH. [_As though returning from a distant world._] Who? + +ARNOLD. [_Impatiently._] My dear! My mother, of course. The car is +just coming up the drive. + +TEDDIE. Would you like me to clear out? + +ARNOLD. No, no! For goodness' sake stay. + +ELIZABETH. We'd better go and meet them, Arnold. + +ARNOLD. No, no; I think they'd much better be shown in. I feel simply +sick with nervousness. + +[_ANNA comes in from the garden._ + +ANNA. Your guests have arrived. + +ELIZABETH. Yes, I know. + +ARNOLD. I've given orders that luncheon should be served at once. + +ELIZABETH. Why? It's not half-past one already, is it? + +ARNOLD. I thought it would help. When you don't know exactly what to +say you can always eat. + +[_The BUTLER comes in and announces._ + +BUTLER. Lady Catherine Champion-Cheney! Lord Porteous! + +[_LADY KITTY comes in followed by PORTEOUS, and the BUTLER goes out. +LADY KITTY is a gay little lady, with dyed red hair and painted +cheeks. She is somewhat outrageously dressed. She never forgets that +she has been a pretty woman and she still behaves as if she were +twenty-five. LORD PORTEOUS is a very bald, elderly gentleman in loose, +rather eccentric clothes. He is snappy and gruff. This is not at all +the couple that ELIZABETH expected, and for a moment she stares at +them with round, startled eyes. LADY KITTY goes up to her with +outstretched hands._ + +LADY KITTY. Elizabeth! Elizabeth! [_She kisses her effusively._] What +an adorable creature! [_Turning to PORTEOUS._] Hughie, isn't she +adorable? + +PORTEOUS. [_With a grunt._] Ugh! + +[_ELIZABETH, smiling now, turns to him and gives him her hand._ + +ELIZABETH. How d'you do? + +PORTEOUS. Damnable road you've got down here. How d'you do, my dear? +Why d'you have such damnable roads in England? + +[_LADY KITTY'S eyes fall on TEDDIE and she goes up to him with her +arms thrown back, prepared to throw them round him._ + +LADY KITTY. My boy, my boy! I should have known you anywhere! + +ELIZABETH. [_Hastily._] That's Arnold. + +LADY KITTY. [_Without a moment's hesitation._] The image of his +father! I should have known him anywhere! [_She throws her arms round +his neck._] My boy, my boy! + +PORTEOUS. [_With a grunt._] Ugh! + +LADY KITTY. Tell me, would you have known me again? Have I changed? + +ARNOLD. I was only five, you know, when--when you . . . + +LADY KITTY. [_Emotionally._] I remember as if it was yesterday. I went +up into your room. [_With a sudden change of manner._] By the way, I +always thought that nurse drank. Did you ever find out if she really +did? + +PORTEOUS. How the devil can you expect him to know that, Kitty? + +LADY KITTY. You've never had a child, Hughie; how can you tell what +they know and what they don't? + +ELIZABETH. [_Coming to the rescue._] This is Arnold, Lord Porteous. + +PORTEOUS. [_Shaking hands with him._] How d'you do? I knew your +father. + +ARNOLD. Yes. + +PORTEOUS. Alive still? + +ARNOLD. Yes. + +PORTEOUS. He must be getting on. Is he well? + +ARNOLD. Very. + +PORTEOUS. Ugh! Takes care of himself, I suppose. I'm not at all well. +This damned climate doesn't agree with me. + +ELIZABETH. [_To LADY KITTY._] This is Mrs. Shenstone. And this is Mr. +Luton. I hope you don't mind a very small party. + +LADY KITTY. [_Shaking hands with ANNA and TEDDIE._] Oh, no, I shall +enjoy it. I used to give enormous parties here. Political, you know. +How nice you've made this room! + +ELIZABETH. Oh, that's Arnold. + +ARNOLD. [_Nervously._] D'you like this chair? I've just bought it. +It's exactly my period. + +PORTEOUS. [_Bluntly._] It's a fake. + +ARNOLD. [_Indignantly._] I don't think it is for a minute. + +PORTEOUS. The legs are not right. + +ARNOLD. I don't know how you can say that. If there is anything right +about it, it's the legs. + +LADY KITTY. I'm sure they're right. + +PORTEOUS. You know nothing whatever about it, Kitty. + +LADY KITTY. That's what you think. _I_ think it's a beautiful chair. +Hepplewhite? + +ARNOLD. No, Sheraton. + +LADY KITTY. Oh, I know. "The School for Scandal." + +PORTEOUS. Sheraton, my dear. Sheraton. + +LADY KITTY. Yes, that's what I say. I acted the screen scene at some +amateur theatricals in Florence, and Ermeto Novelli, the great Italian +tragedian, told me he'd never seen a Lady Teazle like me. + +PORTEOUS. Ugh! + +LADY KITTY. [_To ELIZABETH._] Do you act? + +ELIZABETH. Oh, I couldn't. I should be too nervous. + +LADY KITTY. I'm never nervous. I'm a born actress. Of course, if I had +my time over again I'd go on the stage. You know, it's extraordinary +how they keep young. Actresses, I mean. I think it's because they're +always playing different parts. Hughie, do you think Arnold takes +after me or after his father? Of course I think he's the very image of +me. Arnold, I think I ought to tell you that I was received into the +Catholic Church last winter. I'd been thinking about it for years, and +last time we were at Monte Carlo I met such a nice monsignore. I told +him what my difficulties were and he was too wonderful. I knew Hughie +wouldn't approve, so I kept it a secret. [_To ELIZABETH._] Are you +interested in religion? I think it's too wonderful. We must have a +long talk about it one of these days. [_Pointing to her frock._] +Callot? + +ELIZABETH. No, Worth. + +LADY KITTY. I knew it was either Worth or Callot. Of course, it's line +that's the important thing. I go to Worth myself, and I always say to +him, "Line, my dear Worth, line." What _is_ the matter, Hughie? + +PORTEOUS. These new teeth of mine are so damned uncomfortable. + +LADY KITTY. Men are extraordinary. They can't stand the smallest +discomfort. Why, a woman's life is uncomfortable from the moment she +gets up in the morning till the moment she goes to bed at night. And +d'you think it's comfortable to sleep with a mask on your face? + +PORTEOUS. They don't seem to hold up properly. + +LADY KITTY. Well, that's not the fault of your teeth. That's the fault +of your gums. + +PORTEOUS. Damned rotten dentist. That's what's the matter. + +LADY KITTY. I thought he was a very nice dentist. He told me _my_ +teeth would last till I was fifty. He has a Chinese room. It's so +interesting; while he scrapes your teeth he tells you all about the +dear Empress Dowager. Are you interested in China? I think it's too +wonderful. You know they've cut off their pigtails. I think it's such +a pity. They were so picturesque. + +[_The BUTLER comes in._ + +BUTLER. Luncheon is served, sir. + +ELIZABETH. Would you like to see your rooms? + +PORTEOUS. We can see our rooms after luncheon. + +LADY KITTY. I must powder my nose, Hughie. + +PORTEOUS. Powder it down here. + +LADY KITTY. I never saw anyone so inconsiderate. + +PORTEOUS. You'll keep us all waiting half an hour. I know you. + +LADY KITTY. [_Fumbling in her bag._] Oh, well, peace at any price, as +Lord Beaconsfield said. + +PORTEOUS. He said a lot of damned silly things, Kitty, but he never +said that. + +[_LADY KITTY'S face changes. Perplexity is followed by dismay, and +dismay by consternation._ + +LADY KITTY. Oh! + +ELIZABETH. What is the matter? + +LADY KITTY. [_With anguish._] My lip-stick! + +ELIZABETH. Can't you find it? + +LADY KITTY. I had it in the car. Hughie, you remember that I had it in +the car. + +PORTEOUS. I don't remember anything about it. + +LADY KITTY. Don't be so stupid, Hughie. Why, when we came through the +gates I said: "My home, my home!" and I took it out and put some on my +lips. + +ELIZABETH. Perhaps you dropped it in the car. + +LADY KITTY. For heaven's sake send some one to look for it. + +ARNOLD. I'll ring. + +LADY KITTY. I'm absolutely lost without my lip-stick. Lend me yours, +darling, will you? + +ELIZABETH. I'm awfully sorry. I'm afraid I haven't got one. + +LADY KITTY. Do you mean to say you don't use a lip-stick? + +ELIZABETH. Never. + +PORTEOUS. Look at her lips. What the devil d'you think she wants muck +like that for? + +LADY KITTY. Oh, my dear, what a mistake you make! You _must_ use a +lip-stick. It's so good for the lips. Men like it, you know. I +couldn't _live_ without a lip-stick. + +[_CHAMPION-CHENEY appears at the window holding in his upstretched +hand a little gold case._ + +C.-C. [_As he comes in._] Has anyone here lost a diminutive utensil +containing, unless I am mistaken, a favourite preparation for the +toilet? + +[_ARNOLD and ELIZABETH are thunderstruck at his appearance and even +TEDDIE and ANNA are taken aback. But LADY KITTY is overjoyed._ + +LADY KITTY. My lip-stick! + +C.-C. I found it in the drive and I ventured to bring it in. + +LADY KITTY. It's Saint Antony. I said a little prayer to him when I +was hunting in my bag. + +PORTEOUS. Saint Antony be blowed! It's Clive, by God! + +LADY KITTY. [_Startled, her attention suddenly turning from the +lip-stick._] Clive! + +C.-C. You didn't recognise me. It's many years since we met. + +LADY KITTY. My poor Clive, your hair has gone quite white! + +C.-C. [_Holding out his hand._] I hope you had a pleasant journey down +from London. + +LADY KITTY. [_Offering him her cheek._] You may kiss me, Clive. + +C.-C. [_Kissing her._] You don't mind, Hughie? + +PORTEOUS. [_With a grunt._] Ugh! + +C.-C. [_Going up to him cordially._] And how are you, my dear Hughie? + +PORTEOUS. Damned rheumatic if you want to know. Filthy climate you +have in this country. + +C.-C. Aren't you going to shake hands with me, Hughie? + +PORTEOUS. I have no objection to shaking hands with you. + +C.-C. You've aged, my poor Hughie. + +PORTEOUS. Some one was asking me how old you were the other day. + +C.-C. Were they surprised when you told them? + +PORTEOUS. Surprised! They wondered you weren't dead. + +[_The BUTLER comes in._ + +BUTLER. Did you ring, sir? + +ARNOLD. No. Oh, yes, I did. It doesn't matter now. + +C.-C. [_As the BUTLER is going._] One moment. My dear Elizabeth, I've +come to throw myself on your mercy. My servants are busy with their +own affairs. There's not a thing for me to eat in my cottage. + +ELIZABETH. Oh, but we shall be delighted if you'll lunch with us. + +C.-C. It either means that or my immediate death from starvation. You +don't mind, Arnold? + +ARNOLD. My dear father! + +ELIZABETH. [_To the BUTLER._] Mr. Cheney will lunch here. + +BUTLER. Very good, ma'am. + +C.-C. [_To LADY KITTY._] And what do you think of Arnold? + +LADY KITTY. I adore him. + +C.-C. He's grown, hasn't he? But then you'd expect him to do that in +thirty years. + +ARNOLD. For God's sake let's go in to lunch, Elizabeth! + +END OF THE FIRST ACT + + + +THE SECOND ACT + +_The Scene is the same as in the preceding Act._ + +_It is afternoon. When the curtain rises PORTEOUS and LADY KITTY, ANNA +and TEDDIE are playing bridge. ELIZABETH and CHAMPION-CHENEY are +watching. PORTEOUS and LADY KITTY are partners._ + +C.-C. When will Arnold be back, Elizabeth? + +ELIZABETH. Soon, I think. + +C.-C. Is he addressing a meeting? + +ELIZABETH. No, it's only a conference with his agent and one or two +constituents. + +PORTEOUS. [_Irritably._] How anyone can be expected to play bridge +when people are shouting at the top of their voices all round them, I +for one cannot understand. + +ELIZABETH. [_Smiling._] I'm so sorry. + +ANNA. I can see your hand, Lord Porteous. + +PORTEOUS. It may help you. + +LADY KITTY. I've told you over and over again to hold your cards up. +It ruins one's game when one can't help seeing one's opponent's hand. + +PORTEOUS. One isn't obliged to look. + +LADY KITTY. What was Arnold's majority at the last election? + +ELIZABETH. Seven hundred and something. + +C.-C. He'll have to fight for it if he wants to keep his seat next +time. + +PORTEOUS. Are we playing bridge, or talking politics? + +LADY KITTY. I never find that conversation interferes with my game. + +PORTEOUS. You certainly play no worse when you talk than when you hold +your tongue. + +LADY KITTY. I think that's a very offensive thing to say, Hughie. Just +because I don't play the same game as you do you think I can't play. + +PORTEOUS. I'm glad you acknowledge it's not the same game as I play. +But why in God's name do you call it bridge? + +C.-C. I agree with Kitty. I hate people who play bridge as though they +were at a funeral and knew their feet were getting wet. + +PORTEOUS. Of course you take Kitty's part. + +LADY KITTY. That's the least he can do. + +C.-C. I have a naturally cheerful disposition. + +PORTEOUS. You've never had anything to sour it. + +LADY KITTY. I don't know what you mean by that, Hughie. + +PORTEOUS. [_Trying to contain himself._] Must you trump my ace? + +LADY KITTY. [_Innocently._] Oh, was that your ace, darling? + +PORTEOUS. [_Furiously._] Yes, it was my ace. + +LADY KITTY. Oh, well, it was the only trump I had. I shouldn't have +made it anyway. + +PORTEOUS. You needn't have told them that. Now she knows exactly what +I've got. + +LADY KITTY. She knew before. + +PORTEOUS. How could she know? + +LADY KITTY. She said she'd seen your hand. + +ANNA. Oh, I didn't. I said I could see it. + +LADY KITTY. Well, I naturally supposed that if she could see it she +did. + +PORTEOUS. Really, Kitty, you have the most extraordinary ideas. + +C.-C. Not at all. If anyone is such a fool as to show me his hand, of +course I look at it. + +PORTEOUS. [_Fuming._] If you study the etiquette of bridge, you'll +discover that onlookers are expected not to interfere with the game. + +C.-C. My dear Hughie, this is a matter of ethics, not of bridge. + +ANNA. Anyhow, I get the game. And rubber. + +TEDDIE. I claim a revoke. + +PORTEOUS. Who revoked? + +TEDDIE. You did. + +PORTEOUS. Nonsense. I've never revoked in my life. + +TEDDIE. I'll show you. [_He turns over the tricks to show the faces of +the cards._] You threw away a club on the third heart trick and you +had another heart. + +PORTEOUS. I never had more than two hearts. + +TEDDIE. Oh, yes, you had. Look here. That's the card you played on the +last trick but one. + +LADY KITTY. [_Delighted to catch him out._] There's no doubt about it, +Hughie. You revoked. + +PORTEOUS. I tell you I did not revoke. I never revoke. + +C.-C. You did, Hughie. I wondered what on earth you were doing. + +PORTEOUS. I don't know how anyone can be expected not to revoke when +there's this confounded chatter going on all the time. + +TEDDIE. Well, that's another hundred to us. + +PORTEOUS. [_To CHAMPION-CHENEY._] I wish you wouldn't breathe down my +neck. I never can play bridge when there's somebody breathing down my +neck. + +[_The party have risen from the bridge-table, and they scatter about +the room._ + +ANNA. Well, I'm going to take a book and lie down in the hammock till +it's time to dress. + +TEDDIE. [_Who has been adding up._] I'll put it down in the book, +shall I? + +PORTEOUS. [_Who has not moved, setting out the cards for a patience._] +Yes, yes, put it down. I never revoke. + +[_ANNA goes out._ + +LADY KITTY. Would you like to come for a little stroll, Hughie? + +PORTEOUS. What for? + +LADY KITTY. Exercise. + +PORTEOUS. I hate exercise. + +C.-C. [_Looking at the patience._] The seven goes on the eight. + +[_PORTEOUS takes no notice._ + +LADY KITTY. The seven goes on the eight, Hughie. + +PORTEOUS. I don't choose to put the seven on the eight. + +C.-C. That knave goes on the queen. + +PORTEOUS. I'm not blind, thank you. + +LADY KITTY. The three goes on the four. + +C.-C. All these go over. + +PORTEOUS. [_Furiously._] Am I playing this patience, or are you +playing it? + +LADY KITTY. But you're missing everything. + +PORTEOUS. That's my business. + +C.-C. It's no good losing your temper over it, Hughie. + +PORTEOUS. Go away, both of you. You irritate me. + +LADY KITTY. We were only trying to help you, Hughie. + +PORTEOUS. I don't want to be helped. I want to do it by myself. + +LADY KITTY. I think your manners are perfectly deplorable, Hughie. + +PORTEOUS. It's simply maddening when you're playing patience and +people won't leave you alone. + +C.-C. We won't say another word. + +PORTEOUS. That three goes. I believe it's coming out. If I'd been such +a fool as to put that seven up I shouldn't have been able to bring +these down. + +[_He puts down several cards while they watch him silently._ + +LADY KITTY and C.-C. [_Together._] The four goes on the five. + +PORTEOUS. [_Throwing down the cards violently._] Damn you! why don't +you leave me alone? It's intolerable. + +C.-C. It was coming out, my dear fellow. + +PORTEOUS. I know it was coming out. Confound you! + +LADY KITTY. How petty you are, Hughie! + +PORTEOUS. Petty, be damned! I've told you over and over again that I +will not be interfered with when I'm playing patience. + +LADY KITTY. Don't talk to me like that, Hughie. + +PORTEOUS. I shall talk to you as I please. + +LADY KITTY. [_Beginning to cry._] Oh, you brute! You brute! [_She +flings out of the room._] + +PORTEOUS. Oh, damn! now she's going to cry. + +[_He shambles out into the garden. CHAMPION-CHENEY, ELIZABETH and +TEDDIE are left alone. There is a moment's pause. CHAMPION-CHENEY +looks from TEDDIE to ELIZABETH, with an ironical smile._ + +C.-C. Upon my soul, they might be married. They frip so much. + +ELIZABETH. [_Frigidly._] It's been nice of you to come here so often +since they arrived. It's helped to make things easy. + +C.-C. Irony? It's a rhetorical form not much favoured in this blessed +plot, this earth, this realm, this England. + +ELIZABETH. What exactly are you getting at? + +C.-C. How slangy the young women of the present day are! I suppose the +fact that Arnold is a purist leads you to the contrary extravagance. + +ELIZABETH. Anyhow you know what I mean. + +C.-C. [_With a smile._] I have a dim, groping suspicion. + +ELIZABETH. You promised to keep away. Why did you come back the moment +they arrived? + +C.-C. Curiosity, my dear child. A surely pardonable curiosity. + +ELIZABETH. And since then you've been here all the time. You don't +generally favour us with so much of your company when you're down at +your cottage. + +C.-C. I've been excessively amused. + +ELIZABETH. It has struck me that whenever they started fripping you +took a malicious pleasure in goading them on. + +C.-C. I don't think there's much love lost between them now, do you? + +[_TEDDIE is making as though to leave the room._ + +ELIZABETH. Don't go, Teddie. + +C.-C. No, please don't. I'm only staying a minute. We were talking +about Lady Kitty just before she arrived. [_To ELIZABETH._] Do you +remember? The pale, frail lady in black satin and old lace. + +ELIZABETH. [_With a chuckle._] You are a devil, you know. + +C.-C. Ah, well, he's always had the reputation of being a humorist and +a gentleman. + +ELIZABETH. Did _you_ expect her to be like that, poor dear? + +C.-C. My dear child, I hadn't the vaguest idea. You were asking me the +other day what she was like when she ran away. I didn't tell you half. +She was so gay and so natural. Who would have thought that animation +would turn into such frivolity, and that charming impulsiveness lead +to such a ridiculous affectation? + +ELIZABETH. It rather sets my nerves on edge to hear the way you talk +of her. + +C.-C. It's the truth that sets your nerves on edge, not I. + +ELIZABETH. You loved her once. Have you no feeling for her at all? + +C.-C. None. Why should I? + +ELIZABETH. She's the mother of your son. + +C.-C. My dear child, you have a charming nature, as simple, frank, and +artless as hers was. Don't let pure humbug obscure your common sense. + +ELIZABETH. We have no right to judge. She's only been here two days. +We know nothing about her. + +C.-C. My dear, her soul is as thickly rouged as her face. She hasn't +an emotion that's sincere. She's tinsel. You think I'm a cruel, +cynical old man. Why, when I think of what she was, if I didn't laugh +at what she has become I should cry. + +ELIZABETH. How do you know she wouldn't be just the same now if she'd +remained your wife? Do you think your influence would have had such a +salutary effect on her? + +C.-C. [_Good-humouredly._] I like you when you're bitter and rather +insolent. + +ELIZABETH. D'you like me enough to answer my question? + +C.-C. She was only twenty-seven when she went away. She might have +become anything. She might have become the woman you expected her to +be. There are very few of us who are strong enough to make +circumstances serve us. We are the creatures of our environment. She's +a silly, worthless woman because she's led a silly, worthless life. + +ELIZABETH. [_Disturbed._] You're horrible to-day. + +C.-C. I don't say it's I who could have prevented her from becoming +this ridiculous caricature of a pretty woman grown old. But life +could. Here she would have had the friends fit to her station, and a +decent activity, and worthy interests. Ask her what her life has been +all these years among divorced women and kept women and the men who +consort with them. There is no more lamentable pursuit than a life of +pleasure. + +ELIZABETH. At all events she loved and she loved greatly. I have only +pity and affection for her. + +C.-C. And if she loved what d'you think she felt when she saw that she +had ruined Hughie? Look at him. He was tight last night after dinner +and tight the night before. + +ELIZABETH. I know. + +C.-C. And she took it as a matter of course. How long do you suppose +he's been getting tight every night? Do you think he was like that +thirty years ago? Can you imagine that that was a brilliant young man, +whom everyone expected to be Prime Minister? Look at him now. A grumpy +sodden old fellow with false teeth. + +ELIZABETH. You have false teeth, too. + +C.-C. Yes, but damn it all, they fit. She's ruined him and she knows +she's ruined him. + +ELIZABETH. [_Looking at him suspiciously._] Why are you saying all +this to me? + +C.-C. Am I hurting your feelings? + +ELIZABETH. I think I've had enough for the present. + +C.-C. I'll go and have a look at the gold-fish. I want to see Arnold +when he comes in. [_Politely._] I'm afraid we've been boring Mr. +Luton. + +TEDDIE. Not at all. + +C.-C. When are you going back to the F.M.S.? + +TEDDIE. In about a month. + +C.-C. I see. + +[_He goes out._ + +ELIZABETH. I wonder what he has at the back of his head. + +TEDDIE. D'you think he was talking at you? + +ELIZABETH. He's as clever as a bagful of monkeys. + +[_There is a moment's pause. TEDDIE hesitates a little and when he +speaks it is in a different tone. He is grave and somewhat nervous._ + +TEDDIE. It seems very difficult to get a few minutes alone with you. I +wonder if you've been making it difficult? + +ELIZABETH. I wanted to think. + +TEDDIE. I've made up my mind to go away to-morrow. + +ELIZABETH. Why? + +TEDDIE. I want you altogether or not at all. + +ELIZABETH. You're so arbitrary. + +TEDDIE. You said you--you said you cared for me. + +ELIZABETH. I do. + +TEDDIE. Do you mind if we talk it over now? + +ELIZABETH. No. + +TEDDIE. [_Frowning._] It makes me feel rather shy and awkward. I've +repeated to myself over and over again exactly what I want to say to +you, and now all I'd prepared seems rather footling. + +ELIZABETH. I'm so afraid I'm going to cry. + +TEDDIE. I feel it's all so tremendously serious and I think we ought +to keep emotion out of it. You're rather emotional, aren't you? + +ELIZABETH. [_Half smiling and half in tears._] So are you for the +matter of that. + +TEDDIE. That's why I wanted to have everything I meant to say to you +cut and dried. I think it would be awfully unfair if I made love to +you and all that sort of thing, and you were carried away. I wrote it +all down and thought I'd send it you as a letter. + +ELIZABETH. Why didn't you? + +TEDDIE. I got the wind up. A letter seems so--so cold. You see, I love +you so awfully. + +ELIZABETH. For goodness' sake don't say that. + +TEDDIE. You mustn't cry. Please don't, or I shall go all to pieces. + +ELIZABETH. [_Trying to smile._] I'm sorry. It doesn't mean anything +really. It's only tears running out of my eyes. + +TEDDIE. Our only chance is to be awfully matter-of-fact. + +[_He stops for a moment. He finds it quite difficult to control +himself. He clears his throat. He frowns with annoyance at himself._ + +ELIZABETH. What's the matter? + +TEDDIE. I've got a sort of lump in my throat. It is idiotic. I think +I'll have a cigarette. + +[_She watches him in silence while he lights a cigarette._ + +You see, I've never been in love with anyone before, not really. It's +knocked me endways. I don't know how I can live without you now. . . . +Does that old fool know I'm in love with you? + +ELIZABETH. I think so. + +TEDDIE. When he was talking about Lady Kitty smashing up Lord +Porteous' career I thought there was something at the back of it. + +ELIZABETH. I think he was trying to persuade me not to smash up yours. + +TEDDIE. I'm sure that's very considerate of him, but I don't happen to +have one to smash. I wish I had. It's the only time in my life I've +wished I were a hell of a swell so that I could chuck it all and show +you how much more you are to me than anything else in the world. + +ELIZABETH. [_Affectionately._] You're a dear old thing, Teddie. + +TEDDIE. You know, I don't really know how to make love, but if I did I +couldn't do it now because I just want to be absolutely practical. + +ELIZABETH. [_Chaffing him._] I'm glad you don't know how to make love. +It would be almost more than I could bear. + +TEDDIE. You see, I'm not at all romantic and that sort of thing. I'm +just a common or garden business man. All this is so dreadfully +serious and I think we ought to be sensible. + +ELIZABETH. [_With a break in her voice._] You owl! + +TEDDIE. No, Elizabeth, don't say things like that to me. I want you to +consider all the _pros_ and _cons,_ and my heart's thumping against my +chest, and you know I love you, I love you, I love you. + +ELIZABETH. [_In a sigh of passion._] Oh, my precious! + +TEDDIE. [_Impatiently, but with himself, rather than with ELIZABETH._] +Don't be idiotic, Elizabeth. I'm not going to tell you that I can't +live without you and a lot of muck like that. You know that you mean +everything in the world to me. [_Almost giving it up as a bad job._] +Oh, my God! + +ELIZABETH. [_Her voice faltering._] D'you think there's anything you +can say to me that I don't know already? + +TEDDIE. [_Desperately._] But I haven't said a single thing I wanted +to. I'm a business man and I want to put it all in a business way, if +you understand what I mean. + +ELIZABETH. [_Smiling._] I don't believe you're a very good business +man. + +TEDDIE. [_Sharply._] You don't know what you're talking about. I'm a +first-rate business man, but somehow this is different. +[_Hopelessly._] I don't know why it won't go right. + +ELIZABETH. What are we going to do about it? + +TEDDIE. You see, it's not just because you're awfully pretty that I +love you. I'd love you just as much if you were old and ugly. It's you +I love, not what you look like. And it's not only love; love be +blowed! It's that I _like_ you so tremendously. I think you're such a +ripping good sort. I just want to be with you. I feel so jolly and +happy just to think you're there. I'm so awfully _fond_ of you. + +ELIZABETH. [_Laughing through her tears._] I don't know if this is +your idea of introducing a business proposition. + +TEDDIE. Damn you, you won't let me. + +ELIZABETH. You said "Damn you." + +TEDDIE. I meant it. + +ELIZABETH. Your voice sounded as if you meant it, you perfect duck! + +TEDDIE. Really, Elizabeth, you're intolerable. + +ELIZABETH. I'm doing nothing. + +TEDDIE. Yes, you are, you're putting me off my blow. What I want to +say is perfectly simple. I'm a very ordinary business man. + +ELIZABETH. You've said that before. + +TEDDIE. [_Angrily._] Shut up. I haven't got a bob besides what I earn. +I've got no position. I'm nothing. You're rich and you're a big pot +and you've got everything that anyone can want. It's awful cheek my +saying anything to you at all. But after all there's only one thing +that really matters in the world, and that's love. I love you. Chuck +all this, Elizabeth, and come to me. + +ELIZABETH. Are you cross with me? + +TEDDIE. Furious. + +ELIZABETH. Darling! + +TEDDIE. If you don't want me tell me so at once and let me get out +quickly. + +ELIZABETH. Teddie, nothing in the world matters anything to me but +you. I'll go wherever you take me. I love you. + +TEDDIE. [_All to pieces._] Oh, my God! + +ELIZABETH. Does it mean as much to you as that? Oh, Teddie! + +TEDDIE. [_Trying to control himself._] Don't be a fool, Elizabeth. + +ELIZABETH. It's you're the fool. You're making me cry. + +TEDDIE. You're so damned emotional. + +ELIZABETH. Damned emotional yourself. I'm sure you're a rotten +business man. + +TEDDIE. I don't care what you think. You've made me so awfully happy. +I say, what a lark life's going to be! + +ELIZABETH. Teddie, you are an angel. + +TEDDIE. Let's get out quick. It's no good wasting time. Elizabeth. + +ELIZABETH. What? + +TEDDIE. Nothing. I just like to say Elizabeth. + +ELIZABETH. You fool! + +TEDDIE. I say, can you shoot? + +ELIZABETH. No. + +TEDDIE. I'll teach you. You don't know how ripping it is to start out +from your camp at dawn and travel through the jungle. And you're so +tired at night and the sky's all starry. It's a fair treat. Of course +I didn't want to say anything about all that till you'd decided. I'd +made up my mind to be absolutely practical. + +ELIZABETH. [_Chaffing him._] The only practical thing you said was +that love is the only thing that really matters. + +TEDDIE. [_Happily._] Pull the other leg next time, will you? I should +have to have one longer than the other. + +ELIZABETH. Isn't it fun being in love with some one who's in love with +you? + +TEDDIE. I say, I think I'd better clear out at once, don't you? It +seems rather rotten to stay on in--in this house. + +ELIZABETH. You can't go to-night. There's no train. + +TEDDIE. I'll go to-morrow. I'll wait in London till you're ready to +join me. + +ELIZABETH. I'm not going to leave a note on the pincushion like Lady +Kitty, you know. I'm going to tell Arnold. + +TEDDIE. Are you? Don't you think there'll be an awful bother? + +ELIZABETH. I must face it. I should hate to be sly and deceitful. + +TEDDIE. Well, then, let's face it together. + +ELIZABETH. No, I'll talk to Arnold by myself. + +TEDDIE. You won't let anyone influence you? + +ELIZABETH. No. + +[_He holds out his hand and she takes it. They look into one another's +eyes with grave, almost solemn affection. There is the sound outside +of a car driving up._ + +ELIZABETH. There's the car. Arnold's come back. I must go and bathe my +eyes. I don't want them to see I've been crying. + +TEDDIE. All right. [_As she is going._] Elizabeth. + +ELIZABETH. [_Stopping._] What? + +TEDDIE. Bless you. + +ELIZABETH. [_Affectionately._] Idiot! + +[_She goes out of the door and TEDDIE through the French window into +the garden. For an instant the room is empty. ARNOLD comes in. He sits +down and takes some papers out of his despatch-case. LADY KITTY +enters. He gets up._ + +LADY KITTY. I saw you come in. Oh, my dear, don't get up. There's no +reason why you should be so dreadfully polite to me. + +ARNOLD. I've just rung for a cup of tea. + +LADY KITTY. Perhaps we shall have the chance of a little talk. We +don't seem to have had five minutes by ourselves. I want to make your +acquaintance, you know. + +ARNOLD. I should like you to know that it's not by my wish that my +father is here. + +LADY KITTY. But I'm so interested to see him. + +ARNOLD. I was afraid that you and Lord Porteous must find it +embarrassing. + +LADY KITTY. Oh, no. Hughie was his greatest friend. They were at Eton +and Oxford together. I think your father has improved so much since I +saw him last. He wasn't good-looking as a young man, but now he's +quite handsome. + +[_The FOOTMAN brings in a tray on which are tea-things._ + +LADY KITTY. Shall I pour it out for you? + +ARNOLD. Thank you very much. + +LADY KITTY. Do you take sugar? + +ARNOLD. No. I gave it up during the war. + +LADY KITTY. So wise of you. It's so bad for the figure. Besides being +patriotic, of course. Isn't it absurd that I should ask my son if he +takes sugar or not? Life is really very quaint. Sad, of course, but +oh, so quaint! Often I lie in bed at night and have a good laugh to +myself as I think how quaint life is. + +ARNOLD. I'm afraid I'm a very serious person. + +LADY KITTY. How old are you now, Arnold? + +ARNOLD. Thirty-five. + +LADY KITTY. Are you really? Of course, I was a child when I married +your father. + +ARNOLD. Really. He always told me you were twenty-two. + +LADY KITTY. Oh, what nonsense! Why, I was married out of the nursery. +I put my hair up for the first time on my wedding-day. + +ARNOLD. Where is Lord Porteous? + +LADY KITTY. My dear, it sounds too absurd to hear you call him Lord +Porteous. Why don't you call him--Uncle Hughie? + +ARNOLD. He doesn't happen to be my uncle. + +LADY KITTY. No, but he's your godfather. You know, I'm sure you'll +like him when you know him better. I'm so hoping that you and +Elizabeth will come and stay with us in Florence. I simply adore +Elizabeth. She's too beautiful. + +ARNOLD. Her hair is very pretty. + +LADY KITTY. It's not touched up, is it? + +ARNOLD. Oh, no. + +LADY KITTY. I just wondered. It's rather a coincidence that her hair +should be the same colour as mine. I suppose it shows that your father +and you are attracted by just the same thing. So interesting, +heredity, isn't it? + +ARNOLD. Very. + +LADY KITTY. Of course, since I joined the Catholic Church I don't +believe in it any more. Darwin and all that sort of thing. Too +dreadful. Wicked, you know. Besides, it's not very good form, is it? + +[_CHAMPION-CHENEY comes in from the garden._ + +C.-C. Do I intrude? + +LADY KITTY. Come in, Clive. Arnold and I have been having such a +wonderful heart-to-heart talk. + +C.-C. Very nice. + +ARNOLD. Father, I stepped in for a moment at the Harveys' on my way +back. It's simply criminal what they're doing with that house. + +C.-C. What are they doing? + +ARNOLD. It's an almost perfect Georgian house and they've got a lot of +dreadful Victorian furniture. I gave them my ideas on the subject, but +it's quite hopeless. They said they were attached to their furniture. + +C.-C. Arnold should have been an interior decorator. + +LADY KITTY. He has wonderful taste. He gets that from me. + +ARNOLD. I suppose I have a certain _flair._ I have a passion for +decorating houses. + +LADY KITTY. You've made this one charming. + +C.-C. D'you remember, we just had chintzes and comfortable chairs when +we lived here, Kitty. + +LADY KITTY. Perfectly hideous, wasn't it? + +C.-C. In those days gentlemen and ladies were not expected to have +taste. + +ARNOLD. You know, I've been looking at this chair again. Since Lord +Porteous said the legs weren't right I've been very uneasy. + +LADY KITTY. He only said that because he was in a bad temper. + +C.-C. His temper seems to me very short these days, Kitty. + +LADY KITTY. Oh, it is. + +ARNOLD. You feel he knows what he's talking about. I gave seventy-five +pounds for that chair. I'm very seldom taken in. I always think if a +thing's right you feel it. + +C.-C. Well, don't let it disturb your night's rest. + +ARNOLD. But, my dear father, that's just what it does. I had a most +horrible dream about it last night. + +LADY KITTY. Here is Hughie. + +ARNOLD. I'm going to fetch a book I have on Old English furniture. +There's an illustration of a chair which is almost identical with this +one. + +[_PORTEOUS comes in._ + +PORTEOUS. Quite a family gathering, by George! + +C.-C. I was thinking just now we'd make a very pleasing picture of a +typical English home. + +ARNOLD. I'll be back in five minutes. There's something I want to show +you, Lord Porteous. + +[_He goes out._ + +C.-C. Would you like to play piquet with me, Hughie? + +PORTEOUS. Not particularly. + +C.-C. You were never much of a piquet player, were you? + +PORTEOUS. My dear Clive, you people don't know what piquet is in +England. + +C.-C. Let's have a game then. You may make money. + +PORTEOUS. I don't want to play with you. + +LADY KITTY. I don't know why not, Hughie. + +PORTEOUS. Let me tell you that I don't like your manner. + +C.-C. I'm sorry for that. I'm afraid I can't offer to change it at my +age. + +PORTEOUS. I don't know what you want to be hanging around here for. + +C.-C. A natural attachment to my home. + +PORTEOUS. If you'd had any tact you'd have kept out of the way while +we were here. + +C.-C. My dear Hughie, I don't understand your attitude at all. If I'm +willing to let bygones be bygones why should you object? + +PORTEOUS. Damn it all, they're not bygones. + +C.-C. After all, I am the injured party. + +PORTEOUS. How the devil are you the injured party? + +C.-C. Well, you did run away with my wife, didn't you? + +LADY KITTY. Now, don't let's go into ancient history. I can't see why +we shouldn't all be friends. + +PORTEOUS. I beg you not to interfere, Kitty. + +LADY KITTY. I'm very fond of Clive. + +PORTEOUS. You never cared two straws for Clive. You only say that to +irritate me. + +LADY KITTY. Not at all. I don't see why he shouldn't come and stay +with us. + +C.-C. I'd love to. I think Florence in spring-time is delightful. Have +you central heating? + +PORTEOUS. I never liked you, I don't like you now, and I never shall +like you. + +C.-C. How very unfortunate! because I liked you, I like you now, and I +shall continue to like you. + +LADY KITTY. There's something very nice about you, Clive. + +PORTEOUS. If you think that, why the devil did you leave him? + +LADY KITTY. Are you going to reproach me because I loved you? How +utterly, utterly, utterly detestable you are! + +C.-C. Now, now, don't quarrel with one another. + +LADY KITTY. It's all his fault. I'm the easiest person in the world to +live with. But really he'd try the patience of a saint. + +C.-C. Come, come, don't get upset, Kitty. When two people live +together there must be a certain amount of give and take. + +PORTEOUS. I don't know what the devil you're talking about. + +C.-C. It hasn't escaped my observation that you are a little inclined +to frip. Many couples are. I think it's a pity. + +PORTEOUS. Would you have the very great kindness to mind your own +business? + +LADY KITTY. It is his business. He naturally wants me to be happy. + +C.-C. I have the very greatest affection for Kitty. + +PORTEOUS. Then why the devil didn't you look after her properly? + +C.-C. My dear Hughie, you were my greatest friend. I trusted you. It +may have been rash. + +PORTEOUS. It was inexcusable. + +LADY KITTY. I don't know what you mean by that, Hughie. + +PORTEOUS. Don't, don't, don't try and bully me, Kitty. + +LADY KITTY. Oh, I know what you mean. + +PORTEOUS. Then why the devil did you say you didn't? + +LADY KITTY. When I think that I sacrificed everything for that man! +And for thirty years I've had to live in a filthy marble palace with +no sanitary conveniences. + +C.-C. D'you mean to say you haven't got a bathroom? + +LADY KITTY. I've had to wash in a tub. + +C.-C. My poor Kitty, how you've suffered! + +PORTEOUS. Really, Kitty, I'm sick of hearing of the sacrifices you +made. I suppose you think I sacrificed nothing. I should have been +Prime Minister by now if it hadn't been for you. + +LADY KITTY. Nonsense! + +PORTEOUS. What do you mean by that? Everyone said I should be Prime +Minister. Shouldn't I have been Prime Minister, Clive? + +C.-C. It was certainly the general expectation. + +PORTEOUS. I was the most promising young man of my day. I was bound to +get a seat in the Cabinet at the next election. + +LADY KITTY. They'd have found you out just as I've found you out. I'm +sick of hearing that I ruined your career. You never had a career to +ruin. Prime Minister! You haven't the brain. You haven't the +character. + +C.-C. Cheek, push, and a gift of the gab will serve very well instead, +you know. + +LADY KITTY. Besides, in politics it's not the men that matter. It's +the women at the back of them. I could have made Clive a Cabinet +Minister if I'd wanted to. + +PORTEOUS. Clive? + +LADY KITTY. With my beauty, my charm, my force of character, my wit, I +could have done anything. + +PORTEOUS. Clive was nothing but my political secretary. When I was +Prime Minister I might have made him Governor of some Colony or other. +Western Australia, say. Out of pure kindliness. + +LADY KITTY. [_With flashing eyes._] D'you think I would have buried +myself in Western Australia? With my beauty? My charm? + +PORTEOUS. Or Barbadoes, perhaps. + +LADY KITTY. [_Furiously._] Barbadoes! Barbadoes can go to--Barbadoes. + +PORTEOUS. That's all you'd have got. + +LADY KITTY. Nonsense! I'd have India. + +PORTEOUS. I would never have given you India. + +LADY KITTY. You would have given me India. + +PORTEOUS. I tell you I wouldn't. + +LADY KITTY. The King would have given me India. The nation would have +insisted on my having India. I would have been a vice-reine or +nothing. + +PORTEOUS. I tell you that as long as the interests of the British +Empire--Damn it all, my teeth are coming out! + +[_He hurries from the room._ + +LADY KITTY. It's too much. I can't bear it any more. I've put up with +him for thirty years and now I'm at the end of my tether. + +C.-C. Calm yourself, my dear Kitty. + +LADY KITTY. I won't listen to a word. I've quite made up my mind. It's +finished, finished, finished. [_With a change of tone._] I was so +touched when I heard that you never lived in this house again after I +left it. + +C.-C. The cuckoos have always been very plentiful. Their note has a +personal application which, I must say, I have found extremely +offensive. + +LADY KITTY. When I saw that you didn't marry again I couldn't help +thinking that you still loved me. + +C.-C. I am one of the few men I know who is able to profit by +experience. + +LADY KITTY. In the eyes of the Church I am still your wife. The Church +is so wise. It knows that in the end a woman always comes back to her +first love. Clive, I am willing to return to you. + +C.-C. My dear Kitty, I couldn't take advantage of your momentary +vexation with Hughie to let you take a step which I know you would +bitterly regret. + +LADY KITTY. You've waited for me a long time. For Arnold's sake. + +C.-C. Do you think we really need bother about Arnold? In the last +thirty years he's had time to grow used to the situation. + +LADY KITTY. [_With a little smile._] I think I've sown my wild oats, +Clive. + +C.-C. I haven't. I was a good young man, Kitty. + +LADY KITTY. I know. + +C.-C. And I'm very glad, because it has enabled me to be a wicked old +one. + +LADY KITTY. I beg your pardon. + +[_ARNOLD comes in with a large book in his hand._ + +ARNOLD. I say, I've found the book I was hunting for. Oh! isn't Lord +Porteous here? + +LADY KITTY. One moment, Arnold. Your father and I are busy. + +ARNOLD. I'm so sorry. + +[_He goes out into the garden._ + +LADY KITTY. Explain yourself, Clive. + +C.-C. When you ran away from me, Kitty, I was sore and angry and +miserable. But above all I felt a fool. + +LADY KITTY. Men are so vain. + +C.-C. But I was a student of history, and presently I reflected that I +shared my misfortune with very nearly all the greatest men. + +LADY KITTY. I'm a great reader myself. It has always struck me as +peculiar. + +C.-C. The explanation is very simple. Women dislike intelligence, and +when they find it in their husbands they revenge themselves on them in +the only way they can, by making them--well, what you made me. + +LADY KITTY. It's ingenious. It may be true. + +C.-C. I felt I had done my duty by society and I determined to devote +the rest of my life to my own entertainment. The House of Commons had +always bored me excessively and the scandal of our divorce gave me an +opportunity to resign my seat. I have been relieved to find that the +country got on perfectly well without me. + +LADY KITTY. But has love never entered your life? + +C.-C. Tell me frankly, Kitty, don't you think people make a lot of +unnecessary fuss about love? + +LADY KITTY. It's the most wonderful thing in the world. + +C.-C. You're incorrigible. Do you really think it was worth +sacrificing so much for? + +LADY KITTY. My dear Clive, I don't mind telling you that if I had my +time over again I should be unfaithful to you, but I should not leave +you. + +C.-C. For some years I was notoriously the prey of a secret sorrow. +But I found so many charming creatures who were anxious to console +that in the end it grew rather fatiguing. Out of regard to my health I +ceased to frequent the drawing-rooms of Mayfair. + +LADY KITTY. And since then? + +C.-C. Since then I have allowed myself the luxury of assisting +financially a succession of dear little things, in a somewhat humble +sphere, between the ages of twenty and twenty-five. + +LADY KITTY. I cannot understand the infatuation of men for young +girls. I think they're so dull. + +C.-C. It's a matter of taste. I love old wine, old friends and old +books, but I like young women. On their twenty-fifth birthday I give +them a diamond ring and tell them they must no longer waste their +youth and beauty on an old fogey like me. We have a most affecting +scene, my technique on these occasions is perfect, and then I start +all over again. + +LADY KITTY. You're a wicked old man, Clive. + +C.-C. That's what I told you. But, by George! I'm a happy one. + +LADY KITTY. There's only one course open to me now. + +C.-C. What is that? + +LADY KITTY. [_With a flashing smile._] To go and dress for dinner. + +C.-C. Capital. I will follow your example. + +[_As LADY KITTY goes out ELIZABETH comes in._ + +ELIZABETH. Where is Arnold? + +C.-C. He's on the terrace. I'll call him. + +ELIZABETH. Don't bother. + +C.-C. I was just strolling along to my cottage to put on a dinner +jacket. [_As he goes out._] Arnold. + +[_Exit C.-C._ + +ARNOLD. Hulloa! [_He comes in._] Oh, Elizabeth, I've found an +illustration here of a chair which is almost identical with mine. It's +dated 1750. Look! + +ELIZABETH. That's very interesting. + +ARNOLD. I want to show it to Porteous. [_Moving a chair which has been +misplaced._] You know, it does exasperate me the way people will not +leave things alone. I no sooner put a thing in its place than somebody +moves it. + +ELIZABETH. It must be maddening for you. + +ARNOLD. It is. You are the worst offender. I can't think why you don't +take the pride that I do in the house. After all, it's one of the show +places in the county. + +ELIZABETH. I'm afraid you find me very unsatisfactory. + +ARNOLD. [_Good-humouredly._] I don't know about that. But my two +subjects are politics and decoration. I should be a perfect fool if I +didn't see that you don't care two straws about either. + +ELIZABETH. We haven't very much in common, Arnold, have we? + +ARNOLD. I don't think you can blame me for that. + +ELIZABETH. I don't. I blame you for nothing. I have no fault to find +with you. + +ARNOLD. [_Surprised at her significant tone._] Good gracious me! +what's the meaning of all this? + +ELIZABETH. Well, I don't think there's any object in beating about the +bush. I want you to let me go. + +ARNOLD. Go where? + +ELIZABETH. Away. For always. + +ARNOLD. My dear child, what _are_ you talking about? + +ELIZABETH. I want to be free. + +ARNOLD. [_Amused rather than disconcerted._] Don't be ridiculous, +darling. I daresay you're run down and want a change. I'll take you +over to Paris for a fortnight if you like. + +ELIZABETH. I shouldn't have spoken to you if I hadn't quite made up my +mind. We've been married for three years and I don't think it's been a +great success. I'm frankly bored by the life you want me to lead. + +ARNOLD. Well, if you'll allow me to say so, the fault is yours. We +lead a very distinguished, useful life. We know a lot of extremely +nice people. + +ELIZABETH. I'm quite willing to allow that the fault is mine. But how +does that make it any better? I'm only twenty-five. If I've made a +mistake I have time to correct it. + +ARNOLD. I can't bring myself to take you very seriously. + +ELIZABETH. You see, I don't love you. + +ARNOLD. Well, I'm awfully sorry. But you weren't obliged to marry me. +You've made your bed and I'm afraid you must lie on it. + +ELIZABETH. That's one of the falsest proverbs in the English language. +Why should you lie on the bed you've made if you don't want to? +There's always the floor. + +ARNOLD. For goodness' sake don't be funny, Elizabeth. + +ELIZABETH. I've quite made up my mind to leave you, Arnold. + +ARNOLD. Come, come, Elizabeth, you must be sensible. You haven't any +reason to leave me. + +ELIZABETH. Why should you wish to keep a woman tied to you who wants +to be free? + +ARNOLD. I happen to be in love with you. + +ELIZABETH. You might have said that before. + +ARNOLD. I thought you'd take it for granted. You can't expect a man to +go on making love to his wife after three years. I'm very busy. I'm +awfully keen on politics and I've worked like a dog to make this house +a thing of beauty. After all, a man marries to have a home, but also +because he doesn't want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of +thing. I fell in love with you the first time I saw you and I've been +in love ever since. + +ELIZABETH. I'm sorry, but if you're not in love with a man his love +doesn't mean very much to you. + +ARNOLD. It's so ungrateful. I've done everything in the world for you. + +ELIZABETH. You've been very kind to me. But you've asked me to lead a +life I don't like and that I'm not suited for. I'm awfully sorry to +cause you pain, but now you must let me go. + +ARNOLD. Nonsense! I'm a good deal older than you are and I think I +have a little more sense. In your interests as well as in mine I'm not +going to do anything of the sort. + +ELIZABETH. [_With a smile._] How can you prevent me? You can't keep me +under lock and key. + +ARNOLD. Please don't talk to me as if I were a foolish child. You're +my wife and you're going to remain my wife. + +ELIZABETH. What sort of a life do you think we should lead? Do you +think there'd be any more happiness for you than for me? + +ARNOLD. But what is it precisely that you suggest? + +ELIZABETH. Well, I want you to let me divorce you. + +ARNOLD. [_Astounded._] Me? Thank you very much. Are you under the +impression I'm going to sacrifice my career for a whim of yours? + +ELIZABETH. How will it do that? + +ARNOLD. My seat's wobbly enough as it is. Do you think I'd be able to +hold it if I were in a divorce case? Even if it were a put-up job, as +most divorces are nowadays, it would damn me. + +ELIZABETH. It's rather hard on a woman to be divorced. + +ARNOLD. [_With sudden suspicion._] What do you mean by that? Are you +in love with some one? + +ELIZABETH. Yes. + +ARNOLD. Who? + +ELIZABETH. Teddie Luton. + +[_He is astonished for a moment, then bursts into a laugh._ + +ARNOLD. My poor child, how can you be so ridiculous? Why, he hasn't a +bob. He's a perfectly commonplace young man. It's so absurd I can't +even be angry with you. + +ELIZABETH. I've fallen desperately in love with him, Arnold. + +ARNOLD. Well, you'd better fall desperately out. + +ELIZABETH. He wants to marry me. + +ARNOLD. I daresay he does. He can go to hell. + +ELIZABETH. It's no good talking like that. + +ARNOLD. Is he your lover? + +ELIZABETH. No, certainly not. + +ARNOLD. It shows that he's a mean skunk to take advantage of my +hospitality to make love to you. + +ELIZABETH. He's never even kissed me. + +ARNOLD. I'd try telling that to the horse marines if I were you. + +ELIZABETH. It's because I wanted to do nothing shabby that I told you +straight out how things were. + +ARNOLD. How long have you been thinking of this? + +ELIZABETH. I've been in love with Teddie ever since I knew him. + +ARNOLD. And you never thought of me at all, I suppose. + +ELIZABETH. Oh, yes, I did. I was miserable. But I can't help myself. I +wish I loved you, but I don't. + +ARNOLD. I recommend you to think very carefully before you do anything +foolish. + +ELIZABETH. I have thought very carefully. + +ARNOLD. By God! I don't know why I don't give you a sound hiding. I'm +not sure if that wouldn't be the best thing to bring you to your +senses. + +ELIZABETH. Oh, Arnold, don't take it like that. + +ARNOLD. How do you expect me to take it? You come to me quite calmly +and say: "I've had enough of you. We've been married three years and I +think I'd like to marry somebody else now. Shall I break up your home? +What a bore for you! Do you mind my divorcing you? It'll smash up your +career, will it? What a pity!" Oh, no, my girl, I may be a fool, but +I'm not a damned fool. + +ELIZABETH. Teddie is leaving here by the first train to-morrow. I warn +you that I mean to join him as soon as he can make the necessary +arrangements. + +ARNOLD. Where is he? + +ELIZABETH. I don't know. I suppose he's in his room. + +[_ARNOLD goes to the door and calls._ + +ARNOLD. George! + +[_For a moment he walks up and down the room impatiently. ELIZABETH +watches him. The FOOTMAN comes in._ + +FOOTMAN. Yes, sir. + +ARNOLD. Tell Mr. Luton to come here at once. + +ELIZABETH. Ask Mr. Luton if he wouldn't mind coming here for a moment. + +FOOTMAN. Very good, madam. + +[_Exit FOOTMAN._ + +ELIZABETH. What are you going to say to him? + +ARNOLD. That's my business. + +ELIZABETH. I wouldn't make a scene if I were you. + +ARNOLD. I'm not going to make a scene. + +[_They wait in silence._ + +Why did you insist on my mother coming here? + +ELIZABETH. It seemed to me rather absurd to take up the attitude that +I should be contaminated by her when . . . + +ARNOLD. [_Interrupting._] When you were proposing to do exactly the +same thing. Well, now you've seen her what do you think of her? Do you +think it's been a success? Is that the sort of woman a man would like +his mother to be? + +ELIZABETH. I've been ashamed. I've been so sorry. It all seemed +dreadful and horrible. This morning I happened to notice a rose in the +garden. It was all overblown and bedraggled. It looked like a painted +old woman. And I remembered that I'd looked at it a day or two ago. It +was lovely then, fresh and blooming and fragrant. It may be hideous +now, but that doesn't take away from the beauty it had once. That was +real. + +ARNOLD. Poetry, by God! As if this were the moment for poetry! + +[_TEDDIE comes in. He has changed into a dinner jacket._ + +TEDDIE. [_To ELIZABETH._] Did you want me? + +ARNOLD. _I_ sent for you. + +[_TEDDIE looks from ARNOLD to ELIZABETH. He sees that something has +happened._ + +When would it be convenient for you to leave this house? + +TEDDIE. I was proposing to go to-morrow morning. But I can very well +go at once if you like. + +ARNOLD. I do like. + +TEDDIE. Very well. Is there anything else you wish to say to me? + +ARNOLD. Do you think it was a very honourable thing to come down here +and make love to my wife? + +TEDDIE. No, I don't. I haven't been very happy about it. That's why I +wanted to go away. + +ARNOLD. Upon my word you're cool. + +TEDDIE. I'm afraid it's no good saying I'm sorry and that sort of +thing. You know what the situation is. + +ARNOLD. Is it true that you want to marry Elizabeth? + +TEDDIE. Yes. I should like to marry her as soon as ever I can. + +ARNOLD. Have you thought of me at all? Has it struck you that you're +destroying my home and breaking up my happiness? + +TEDDIE. I don't see how there could be much happiness for you if +Elizabeth doesn't care for you. + +ARNOLD. Let me tell you that I refuse to have my home broken up by a +twopenny-halfpenny adventurer who takes advantage of a foolish woman. +I refuse to allow myself to be divorced. I can't prevent my wife from +going off with you if she's determined to make a damned fool of +herself, but this I tell you: nothing will induce me to divorce her. + +ELIZABETH. Arnold, that would be monstrous. + +TEDDIE. We could force you. + +ARNOLD. How? + +TEDDIE. If we went away together openly you'd have to bring an action. + +ARNOLD. Twenty-four hours after you leave this house I shall go down +to Brighton with a chorus-girl. And neither you nor I will be able to +get a divorce. We've had enough divorces in our family. And now get +out, get out, get out! + +[_TEDDIE looks uncertainly at ELIZABETH._ + +ELIZABETH. [_With a little smile._] Don't bother about me. I shall be +all right. + +ARNOLD. Get out! Get out! + +END OF THE SECOND ACT + + + +THE THIRD ACT + +_The Scene is the same as in the preceding Acts._ + +_It is the night of the same day as that on which takes place the +action of the second Act._ + +_CHAMPION-CHENEY and ARNOLD, both in dinner jackets, are discovered. +CHAMPION-CHENEY is seated. ARNOLD walks restlessly up and down the +room._ + +C.-C. I think, if you'll follow my advice to the letter, you'll +probably work the trick. + +ARNOLD. I don't like it, you know. It's against all my principles. + +C.-C. My dear Arnold, we all hope that you have before you a +distinguished political career. You can't learn too soon that the most +useful thing about a principle is that it can always be sacrificed to +expediency. + +ARNOLD. But supposing it doesn't come off? Women are incalculable. + +C.-C. Nonsense! Men are romantic. A woman will always sacrifice +herself if you give her the opportunity. It is her favourite form of +self-indulgence. + +ARNOLD. I never know whether you're a humorist or a cynic, father. + +C.-C. I'm neither, my dear boy; I'm merely a very truthful man. But +people are so unused to the truth that they're apt to mistake it for a +joke or a sneer. + +ARNOLD. [_Irritably._] It seems so unfair that this should happen to +me. + +C.-C. Keep your head, my boy, and do what I tell you. + +[_LADY KITTY and ELIZABETH come in. LADY KITTY is in a gorgeous +evening gown._ + +ELIZABETH. Where is Lord Porteous? + +C.-C. He's on the terrace. He's smoking a cigar. [_Going to window._] +Hughie! + +[_PORTEOUS comes in._ + +PORTEOUS. [_With a grunt._] Yes? Where's Mrs. Shenstone? + +ELIZABETH. Oh, she had a headache. She's gone to bed. + +[_When PORTEOUS comes in LADY KITTY with a very haughty air purses her +lips and takes up an illustrated paper. PORTEOUS gives her an +irritated look, takes another illustrated paper and sits himself down +at the other end of the room. They are not on speaking terms._ + +C.-C. Arnold and I have just been down to my cottage. + +ELIZABETH. I wondered where you'd gone. + +C.-C. I came across an old photograph album this afternoon. I meant to +bring it along before dinner, but I forgot, so we went and fetched it. + +ELIZABETH. Oh, do let me see it! I love old photographs. + +[_He gives her the album, and she, sitting down, puts it on her knees +and begins to turn over the pages. He stands over her. LADY KITTY and +PORTEOUS take surreptitious glances at one another._ + +C.-C. I thought it might amuse you to see what pretty women looked +like five-and-thirty years ago. That was the day of beautiful women. + +ELIZABETH. Do you think they were more beautiful then than they are +now? + +C.-C. Oh, much. Now you see lots of pretty little things, but very few +beautiful women. + +ELIZABETH. Aren't their clothes funny? + +C.-C. [_Pointing to a photograph._] That's Mrs. Langtry. + +ELIZABETH. She has a lovely nose. + +C.-C. She was the most wonderful thing you ever saw. Dowagers used to +jump on chairs in order to get a good look at her when she came into a +drawing-room. I was riding with her once, and we had to have the gates +of the livery stable closed when she was getting on her horse because +the crowd was so great. + +ELIZABETH. And who's that? + +C.-C. Lady Lonsdale. That's Lady Dudley. + +ELIZABETH. This is an actress, isn't it? + +C.-C. It is, indeed. Ellen Terry. By George! how I loved that woman! + +ELIZABETH. [_With a smile._] Dear Ellen Terry! + +C.-C. That's Bwabs. I never saw a smarter man in my life. And Oliver +Montagu. Henry Manners with his eye-glass. + +ELIZABETH. Nice-looking, isn't he? And this? + +C.-C. That's Mary Anderson. I wish you could have seen her in "A +Winter's Tale." Her beauty just took your breath away. And look! +There's Lady Randolph. Bernal Osborne--the wittiest man I ever knew. + +ELIZABETH. I think it's too sweet. I love their absurd bustles and +those tight sleeves. + +C.-C. What figures they had! In those days a woman wasn't supposed to +be as thin as a rail and as flat as a pancake. + +ELIZABETH. Oh, but aren't they laced in? How could they bear it? + +C.-C. They didn't play golf then, and nonsense like that, you know. +They hunted, in a tall hat and a long black habit, and they were very +gracious and charitable to the poor in the village. + +ELIZABETH. Did the poor like it? + +C.-C. They had a very thin time if they didn't. When they were in +London they drove in the Park every afternoon, and they went to +ten-course dinners, where they never met anybody they didn't know. And +they had their box at the opera when Patti was singing or Madame +Albani. + +ELIZABETH. Oh, what a lovely little thing! Who on earth is that? + +C.-C. That? + +ELIZABETH. She looks so fragile, like a piece of exquisite china, with +all those furs on and her face up against her muff, and the snow +falling. + +C.-C. Yes, there was quite a rage at that time for being taken in an +artificial snowstorm. + +ELIZABETH. What a sweet smile, so roguish and frank, and debonair! Oh, +I wish I looked like that! Do tell me who it is! + +C.-C. Don't you know? + +ELIZABETH. No. + +C.-C. Why--it's Kitty. + +ELIZABETH. Lady Kitty! [_To LADY KITTY._] Oh, my dear, do look! It's +too ravishing. [_She takes the album over to her impulsively._] Why +didn't you tell me you looked like that? Everybody must have been in +love with you. + +[_LADY KITTY takes the album and looks at it. Then she lets it slip +from her hands and covers her face with her hands. She is crying._ + +[_In consternation._] My dear, what's the matter? Oh, what have I +done? I'm so sorry. + +LADY KITTY. Don't, don't talk to me. Leave me alone. It's stupid of +me. + +[_ELIZABETH looks at her for a moment perplexed, then, turning round, +slips her arm in CHAMPION-CHENEY's and leads him out on to the +terrace._ + +ELIZABETH. [_As they are going, in a whisper._] Did you do that on +purpose? + +[_PORTEOUS gets up and goes over to LADY KITTY. He puts his hand on +her shoulder. They remain thus for a little while._ + +PORTEOUS. I'm afraid I was very rude to you before dinner, Kitty. + +LADY KITTY. [_Taking his hand which is on her shoulder._] It doesn't +matter. I'm sure I was very exasperating. + +PORTEOUS. I didn't mean what I said, you know. + +LADY KITTY. Neither did I. + +PORTEOUS. Of course I know that I'd never have been Prime Minister. + +LADY KITTY. How can you talk such nonsense, Hughie? No one would have +had a chance if you'd remained in politics. + +PORTEOUS. I haven't the character. + +LADY KITTY. You have more character than anyone I've ever met. + +PORTEOUS. Besides, I don't know that I much wanted to be Prime +Minister. + +LADY KITTY. Oh, but I should have been so proud of you. Of course +you'd have been Prime Minister. + +PORTEOUS. I'd have given you India, you know. I think it would have +been a very popular appointment. + +LADY KITTY. I don't care twopence about India. I'd have been quite +content with Western Australia. + +PORTEOUS. My dear, you don't think I'd have let you bury yourself in +Western Australia? + +LADY KITTY. Or Barbadoes. + +PORTEOUS. Never. It sounds like a cure for flat feet. I'd have kept +you in London. + +[_He picks up the album and is about to look at the photograph of LADY +KITTY. She puts her hand over it._ + +LADY KITTY. No, don't look. + +[_He takes her hand away._ + +PORTEOUS. Don't be so silly. + +LADY KITTY. Isn't it hateful to grow old? + +PORTEOUS. You know, you haven't changed much. + +LADY KITTY. [_Enchanted._] Oh, Hughie, how can you talk such nonsense? + +PORTEOUS. Of course you're a little more mature, but that's all. A +woman's all the better for being rather mature. + +LADY KITTY. Do you really think that? + +PORTEOUS. Upon my soul I do. + +LADY KITTY. You're not saying it just to please me? + +PORTEOUS. No, no. + +LADY KITTY. Let me look at the photograph again. + +[_She takes the album and looks at the photograph complacently._ + +The fact is, if your bones are good, age doesn't really matter. You'll +always be beautiful. + +PORTEOUS. [_With a little smile, almost as if he were talking to a +child._] It was silly of you to cry. + +LADY KITTY. It hasn't made my eyelashes run, has it? + +PORTEOUS. Not a bit. + +LADY KITTY. It's very good stuff I use now. They don't stick together +either. + +PORTEOUS. Look here, Kitty, how much longer do you want to stay here? + +LADY KITTY. Oh, I'm quite ready to go whenever you like. + +PORTEOUS. Clive gets on my nerves. I don't like the way he keeps +hanging about you. + +LADY KITTY. [_Surprised, rather amused, and delighted._] Hughie, you +don't mean to say you're jealous of poor Clive? + +PORTEOUS. Of course I'm not jealous of him, but he does look at you in +a way that I can't help thinking rather objectionable. + +LADY KITTY. Hughie, you may throw me downstairs like Amy Robsart; you +may drag me about the floor by the hair of my head; I don't care, +you're jealous. I shall never grow old. + +PORTEOUS. Damn it all, the man was your husband. + +LADY KITTY. My dear Hughie, he never had your style. Why, the moment +you come into a room everyone looks and says: "Who the devil is that?" + +PORTEOUS. What? You think that, do you? Well, I daresay there's +something in what you say. These damned Radicals can say what they +like, but, by God, Kitty! when a man's a gentleman--well, damn it all, +you know what I mean. + +LADY KITTY. I think Clive has degenerated dreadfully since we left +him. + +PORTEOUS. What do you say to making a bee-line for Italy and going to +San Michele? + +LADY KITTY. Oh, Hughie! It's years since we were there. + +PORTEOUS. Wouldn't you like to see it again--just once more? + +LADY KITTY. Do you remember the first time we went? It was the most +heavenly place I'd ever seen. We'd only left England a month, and I +said I'd like to spend all my life there. + +PORTEOUS. Of course I remember. And in a fortnight it was yours, lock, +stock and barrel. + +LADY KITTY. We were very happy there, Hughie. + +PORTEOUS. Let's go back once more. + +LADY KITTY. I daren't. It must be all peopled with the ghosts of our +past. One should never go again to a place where one has been happy. +It would break my heart. + +PORTEOUS. Do you remember how we used to sit on the terrace of the old +castle and look at the Adriatic? We might have been the only people in +the world, you and I, Kitty. + +LADY KITTY. [_Tragically._] And we thought our love would last for +ever. + +[_Enter CHAMPION-CHENEY._ + +PORTEOUS. Is there any chance of bridge this evening? + +C.-C. I don't think we can make up a four. + +PORTEOUS. What a nuisance that boy went away like that! He wasn't a +bad player. + +C.-C. Teddie Luton? + +LADY KITTY. I think it was very funny his going without saying +good-bye to anyone. + +C.-C. The young men of the present day are very casual. + +PORTEOUS. I thought there was no train in the evening. + +C.-C. There isn't. The last train leaves at 5.45. + +PORTEOUS. How did he go then? + +C.-C. He went. + +PORTEOUS. Damned selfish I call it. + +LADY KITTY. [_Intrigued._] Why did he go, Clive? + +[_CHAMPION-CHENEY looks at her for a moment reflectively._ + +C.-C. I have something very grave to say to you. Elizabeth wants to +leave Arnold. + +LADY KITTY. Clive! What on earth for? + +C.-C. She's in love with Teddie Luton. That's why he went. The men of +my family are really very unfortunate. + +PORTEOUS. Does she want to run away with him? + +LADY KITTY. [_With consternation._] My dear, what's to be done? + +C.-C. I think you can do a great deal. + +LADY KITTY. I? What? + +C.-C. Tell her, tell her what it means. + +[_He looks at her fixedly. She stares at him._ + +LADY KITTY. Oh, no, no! + +C.-C. She's a child. Not for Arnold's sake. For her sake. You must. + +LADY KITTY. You don't know what you're asking. + +C.-C. Yes, I do. + +LADY KITTY. Hughie, what shall I do? + +PORTEOUS. Do what you like. I shall never blame you for anything. + +[_The FOOTMAN comes in with a letter on a salver. He hesitates on +seeing that ELIZABETH is not in the room._ + +C.-C. What is it? + +FOOTMAN. I was looking for Mrs. Champion-Cheney, sir. + +C.-C. She's not here. Is that a letter? + +FOOTMAN. Yes, sir. It's just been sent up from the "Champion Arms." + +C.-C. Leave it. I'll give it to Mrs. Cheney. + +FOOTMAN. Very good, sir. + +[_He brings the tray to CLIVE, who takes the letter. The FOOTMAN goes +out._ + +PORTEOUS. Is the "Champion Arms" the local pub? + +C.-C. [_Looking at the letter._] It's by way of being a hotel, but I +never heard of anyone staying there. + +LADY KITTY. If there was no train I suppose he had to go there. + +C.-C. Great minds. I wonder what he has to write about! [_He goes to +the door leading on to the garden._] Elizabeth! + +ELIZABETH. [_Outside._] Yes. + +C.-C. Here's a note for you. + +[_There is silence. They wait for ELIZABETH to come. She enters._ + +ELIZABETH. It's lovely in the garden to-night. + +C.-C. They've just sent this up from the "Champion Arms." + +ELIZABETH. Thank you. + +[_Without embarrassment she opens the letter. They watch her while she +reads it. It covers three pages. She puts it away in her bag._ + +LADY KITTY. Hughie, I wish you'd fetch me a cloak. I'd like to take a +little stroll in the garden, but after thirty years in Italy I find +these English summers rather chilly. + +[_Without a word PORTEOUS goes out. ELIZABETH is lost in thought._ + +I want to talk to Elizabeth, Clive. + +C.-C. I'll leave you. + +[_He goes out._ + +LADY KITTY. What does he say? + +ELIZABETH. Who? + +LADY KITTY. Mr. Luton. + +ELIZABETH. [_Gives a little start. Then she looks at LADY KITTY._] +They've told you? + +LADY KITTY. Yes. And now they have I think I knew it all along. + +ELIZABETH. I don't expect you to have much sympathy for me. Arnold is +your son. + +LADY KITTY. So pitifully little. + +ELIZABETH. I'm not suited for this sort of existence. Arnold wants me +to take what he calls my place in Society. Oh, I get so bored with +those parties in London. All those middle-aged painted women, in +beautiful clothes, lolloping round ball-rooms with rather old young +men. And the endless luncheons where they gossip about so-and-so's +love affairs. + +LADY KITTY. Are you very much in love with Mr. Luton? + +ELIZABETH. I love him with all my heart. + +LADY KITTY. And he? + +ELIZABETH. He's never cared for anyone but me. He never will. + +LADY KITTY. Will Arnold let you divorce him? + +ELIZABETH. No, he won't hear of it. He refuses even to divorce me. + +LADY KITTY. Why? + +ELIZABETH. He thinks a scandal will revive all the old gossip. + +LADY KITTY. Oh, my poor child! + +ELIZABETH. It can't be helped. I'm quite willing to accept the +consequences. + +LADY KITTY. You don't know what it is to have a man tied to you only +by his honour. When married people don't get on they can separate, but +if they're not married it's impossible. It's a tie that only death can +sever. + +ELIZABETH. If Teddie stopped caring for me I shouldn't want him to +stay with me for five minutes. + +LADY KITTY. One says that when one's sure of a man's love, but when +one isn't any more--oh, it's so different. In those circumstances +one's got to keep a man's love. It's the only thing one has. + +ELIZABETH. I'm a human being. I can stand on my own feet. + +LADY KITTY. Have you any money of your own? + +ELIZABETH. None. + +LADY KITTY. Then how can you stand on your own feet? You think I'm a +silly, frivolous woman, but I've learned something in a bitter school. +They can make what laws they like, they can give us the suffrage, but +when you come down to bedrock it's the man who pays the piper who +calls the tune. Woman will only be the equal of man when she earns her +living in the same way that he does. + +ELIZABETH. [_Smiling._] It sounds rather funny to hear you talk like +that. + +LADY KITTY. A cook who marries a butler can snap her fingers in his +face because she can earn just as much as he can. But a woman in your +position and a woman in mine will always be dependent on the men who +keep them. + +ELIZABETH. I don't want luxury. You don't know how sick I am of all +this beautiful furniture. These over-decorated houses are like a +prison in which I can't breathe. When I drive about in a Callot frock +and a Rolls-Royce I envy the shop-girl in a coat and skirt whom I see +jumping on the tailboard of a bus. + +LADY KITTY. You mean that if need be you could earn your own living? + +ELIZABETH. Yes. + +LADY KITTY. What could you be? A nurse or a typist. It's nonsense. +Luxury saps a woman's nerve. And when she's known it once it becomes a +necessity. + +ELIZABETH. That depends on the woman. + +LADY KITTY. When we're young we think we're different from everyone +else, but when we grow a little older we discover we're all very much +of a muchness. + +ELIZABETH. You're very kind to take so much trouble about me. + +LADY KITTY. It breaks my heart to think that you're going to make the +same pitiful mistake that I made. + +ELIZABETH. Oh, don't say it was that, don't, don't. + +LADY KITTY. Look at me, Elizabeth, and look at Hughie. Do you think +it's been a success? If I had my time over again do you think I'd do +it again? Do you think he would? + +ELIZABETH. You see, you don't know how much I love Teddie. + +LADY KITTY. And do you think I didn't love Hughie? Do you think he +didn't love me? + +ELIZABETH. I'm sure he did. + +LADY KITTY. Oh, of course in the beginning it was heavenly. We felt so +brave and adventurous and we were so much in love. The first two years +were wonderful. People cut me, you know, but I didn't mind. I thought +love was everything. It _is_ a little uncomfortable when you come upon +an old friend and go towards her eagerly, so glad to see her, and are +met with an icy stare. + +ELIZABETH. Do you think friends like that are worth having? + +LADY KITTY. Perhaps they're not very sure of themselves. Perhaps +they're honestly shocked. It's a test one had better not put one's +friends to if one can help it. It's rather bitter to find how few one +has. + +ELIZABETH. But one has some. + +LADY KITTY. Yes, they ask you to come and see them when they're quite +certain no one will be there who might object to meeting you. Or else +they say to you: "My dear, you know I'm devoted to you, and I wouldn't +mind at all, but my girl's growing up--I'm sure you understand; you +won't think it unkind of me if I don't ask you to the house?" + +ELIZABETH. [_Smiling._] That doesn't seem to me very serious. + +LADY KITTY. At first I thought it rather a relief, because it threw +Hughie and me together more. But you know, men are very funny. Even +when they are in love they're not in love all day long. They want +change and recreation. + +ELIZABETH. I'm not inclined to blame them for that, poor dears. + +LADY KITTY. Then we settled in Florence. And because we couldn't get +the society we'd been used to we became used to the society we could +get. Loose women and vicious men. Snobs who liked to patronise people +with a handle to their names. Vague Italian Princes who were glad to +borrow a few francs from Hughie and seedy countesses who liked to +drive with me in the Cascine. And then Hughie began to hanker after +his old life. He wanted to go big game shooting, but I dared not let +him go. I was afraid he'd never come back. + +ELIZABETH. But you knew he loved you. + +LADY KITTY. Oh, my dear, what a blessed institution marriage is--for +women, and what fools they are to meddle with it! The Church is so +wise to take its stand on the indi--indi-- + +ELIZABETH. Solu-- + +LADY KITTY. Bility of marriage. Believe me, it's no joke when you have +to rely only on yourself to keep a man. I could never afford to grow +old. My dear, I'll tell you a secret that I've never told a living +soul. + +ELIZABETH. What is that? + +LADY KITTY. My hair is not naturally this colour. + +ELIZABETH. Really. + +LADY KITTY. I touch it up. You would never have guessed, would you? + +ELIZABETH. Never. + +LADY KITTY. Nobody does. My dear, it's white, prematurely of course, +but white. I always think it's a symbol of my life. Are you interested +in symbolism? I think it's too wonderful. + +ELIZABETH. I don't think I know very much about it. + +LADY KITTY. However tired I've been I've had to be brilliant and gay. +I've never let Hughie see the aching heart behind my smiling eyes. + +ELIZABETH. [_Amused and touched._] You poor dear. + +LADY KITTY. And when I saw he was attracted by some one else the fear +and the jealousy that seized me! You see, I didn't dare make a scene +as I should have done if I'd been married--I had to pretend not to +notice. + +ELIZABETH. [_Taken aback._] But do you mean to say he fell in love +with anyone else? + +LADY KITTY. Of course he did eventually. + +ELIZABETH. [_Hardly knowing what to say._] You must have been very +unhappy. + +LADY KITTY. Oh, I was, dreadfully. Night after night I sobbed my heart +out when Hughie told me he was going to play cards at the club and I +knew he was with that odious woman. Of course, it wasn't as if there +weren't plenty of men who were only too anxious to console me. Men +have always been attracted by me, you know. + +ELIZABETH. Oh, of course, I can quite understand it. + +LADY KITTY. But I had my self-respect to think of. I felt that +whatever Hughie did I would do nothing that I should regret. + +ELIZABETH. You must be very glad now. + +LADY KITTY. Oh, yes. Notwithstanding all my temptations I've been +absolutely faithful to Hughie in spirit. + +ELIZABETH. I don't think I quite understand what you mean. + +LADY KITTY. Well, there was a poor Italian boy, young Count Castel +Giovanni, who was so desperately in love with me that his mother +begged me not to be too cruel. She was afraid he'd go into a +consumption. What could I do? And then, oh, years later, there was +Antonio Melita. He said he'd shoot himself unless I--well, you +understand I couldn't let the poor boy shoot himself. + +ELIZABETH. D'you think he really would have shot himself? + +LADY KITTY. Oh, one never knows, you know. Those Italians are so +passionate. He was really rather a lamb. He had such beautiful eyes. + +[_ELIZABETH looks at her for a long time and a certain horror seizes +her of this dissolute, painted old woman._ + +ELIZABETH. [_Hoarsely._] Oh, but I think that's--dreadful. + +LADY KITTY. Are you shocked? One sacrifices one's life for love and +then one finds that love doesn't last. The tragedy of love isn't death +or separation. One gets over them. The tragedy of love is +indifference. + +[_ARNOLD comes in._ + +ARNOLD. Can I have a little talk with you, Elizabeth? + +ELIZABETH. Of course. + +ARNOLD. Shall we go for a stroll in the garden? + +ELIZABETH. If you like. + +LADY KITTY. No, stay here. I'm going out anyway. + +[_Exit LADY KITTY._ + +ARNOLD. I want you to listen to me for a few minutes, Elizabeth. I was +so taken aback by what you told me just now that I lost my head. I was +rather absurd and I beg your pardon. I said things I regret. + +ELIZABETH. Oh, don't blame yourself. I'm sorry that I should have +given you occasion to say them. + +ARNOLD. I want to ask you if you've quite made up your mind to go. + +ELIZABETH. Quite. + +ARNOLD. Just now I seem to have said all that I didn't want to say and +nothing that I did. I'm stupid and tongue-tied. I never told you how +deeply I loved you. + +ELIZABETH. Oh, Arnold! + +ARNOLD. Please let me speak now. It's so very difficult. If I seemed +absorbed in politics and the house, and so on, to the exclusion of my +interest in you, I'm dreadfully sorry. I suppose it was absurd of me +to think you would take my great love for granted. + +ELIZABETH. But, Arnold, I'm not reproaching you. + +ARNOLD. I'm reproaching myself. I've been tactless and neglectful. But +I do ask you to believe that it hasn't been because I didn't love you. +Can you forgive me? + +ELIZABETH. I don't think that there's anything to forgive. + +ARNOLD. It wasn't till to-day when you talked of leaving me that I +realised how desperately in love with you I was. + +ELIZABETH. After three years? + +ARNOLD. I'm so proud of you. I admire you so much. When I see you at a +party, so fresh and lovely, and everybody wondering at you, I have a +sort of little thrill because you're mine, and afterwards I shall take +you home. + +ELIZABETH. Oh, Arnold, you're exaggerating. + +ARNOLD. I can't imagine this house without you. Life seems on a sudden +all empty and meaningless. Oh, Elizabeth, don't you love me at all? + +ELIZABETH. It's much better to be honest. No. + +ARNOLD. Doesn't my love mean anything to you? + +ELIZABETH. I'm very grateful to you. I'm sorry to cause you pain. What +would be the good of my staying with you when I should be wretched all +the time? + +ARNOLD. Do you love that man as much as all that? Does my unhappiness +mean nothing to you? + +ELIZABETH. Of course it does. It breaks my heart. You see, I never +knew I meant so much to you. I'm so touched. And I'm so sorry, Arnold, +really sorry. But I can't help myself. + +ARNOLD. Poor child, it's cruel of me to torture you. + +ELIZABETH. Oh, Arnold, believe me, I have tried to make the best of +it. I've tried to love you, but I can't. After all, one either loves +or one doesn't. Trying is no help. And now I'm at the end of my +tether. I can't help the consequences--I must do what my whole self +yearns for. + +ARNOLD. My poor child, I'm so afraid you'll be unhappy. I'm so afraid +you'll regret. + +ELIZABETH. You must leave me to my fate. I hope you'll forget me and +all the unhappiness I've caused you. + +ARNOLD. [_There is a pause. ARNOLD walks up and down the room +reflectively. He stops and faces her._] If you love this man and want +to go to him I'll do nothing to prevent you. My only wish is to do +what is best for you. + +ELIZABETH. Arnold, that's awfully kind of you. If I'm treating you +badly at least I want you to know that I'm grateful for all your +kindness to me. + +ARNOLD. But there's one favour I should like you to do me. Will you? + +ELIZABETH. Oh, Arnold, of course I'll do anything I can. + +ARNOLD. Teddie hasn't very much money. You've been used to a certain +amount of luxury, and I can't bear to think that you should do without +anything you've had. It would kill me to think that you were suffering +any hardship or privation. + +ELIZABETH. Oh, but Teddie can earn enough for our needs. After all, we +don't want much money. + +ARNOLD. I'm afraid my mother's life hasn't been very easy, but it's +obvious that the only thing that's made it possible is that Porteous +was rich. I want you to let me make you an allowance of two thousand a +year. + +ELIZABETH. Oh, no, I couldn't think of it. It's absurd. + +ARNOLD. I beg you to accept it. You don't know what a difference it +will make. + +ELIZABETH. It's awfully kind of you, Arnold. It humiliates me to speak +about it. Nothing would induce me to take a penny from you. + +ARNOLD. Well, you can't prevent me from opening an account at my bank +in your name. The money shall be paid in every quarter whether you +touch it or not, and if you happen to want it, it will be there +waiting for you. + +ELIZABETH. You overwhelm me, Arnold. There's only one thing I want you +to do for me. I should be very grateful if you would divorce me as +soon as you possibly can. + +ARNOLD. No, I won't do that. But I'll give you cause to divorce me. + +ELIZABETH. You! + +ARNOLD. Yes. But of course you'll have to be very careful for a bit. +I'll put it through as quickly as possible, but I'm afraid you can't +hope to be free for over six months. + +ELIZABETH. But, Arnold, your seat and your political career! + +ARNOLD. Oh, well, my father gave up his seat under similar +circumstances. He's got along very comfortably without politics. + +ELIZABETH. But they're your whole life. + +ARNOLD. After all one can't have it both ways. You can't serve God and +Mammon. If you want to do the decent thing you have to be prepared to +suffer for it. + +ELIZABETH. But I don't want you to suffer for it. + +ARNOLD. At first I rather hesitated at the scandal. But I daresay that +was only weakness on my part. Under the circumstances I should have +liked to keep out of the Divorce Court if I could. + +ELIZABETH. Arnold, you're making me absolutely miserable. + +ARNOLD. What you said before dinner was quite right. It's nothing for +a man, but it makes so much difference to a woman. Naturally I must +think of you first. + +ELIZABETH. That's absurd. It's out of the question. Whatever there's +to pay I must pay it. + +ARNOLD. It's not very much I'm asking you, Elizabeth. + +ELIZABETH. I'm taking everything from you. + +ARNOLD. It's the only condition I make. My mind is absolutely made up. +I will never divorce you, but I will enable you to divorce me. + +ELIZABETH. Oh, Arnold, it's cruel to be so generous. + +ARNOLD. It's not generous at all. It's the only way I have of showing +you how deep and passionate and sincere my love is for you. + +[_There is a silence. He holds out his hand._ + +Good-night. I have a great deal of work to do before I go to bed. + +ELIZABETH. Good-night. + +ARNOLD. Do you mind if I kiss you? + +ELIZABETH. [_With agony._] Oh, Arnold! + +[_He gravely kisses her on the forehead and then goes out. ELIZABETH +stands lost in thought. She is shattered. LADY KITTY and PORTEOUS come +in. LADY KITTY wears a cloak._ + +LADY KITTY. You're alone, Elizabeth? + +ELIZABETH. That note you asked me about, Lady Kitty, from Teddie . . . + +LADY KITTY. Yes? + +ELIZABETH. He wanted to have a talk with me before he went away. He's +waiting for me in the summer house by the tennis court. Would Lord +Porteous mind going down and asking him to come here? + +PORTEOUS. Certainly. Certainly. + +ELIZABETH. Forgive me for troubling you. But it's very important. + +PORTEOUS. No trouble at all. + +[_He goes out._ + +LADY KITTY. Hughie and I will leave you alone. + +ELIZABETH. But I don't want to be left alone. I want you to stay. + +LADY KITTY. What are you going to say to him? + +ELIZABETH. [_Desperately._] Please don't ask me questions. I'm so +frightfully unhappy. + +LADY KITTY. My poor child! + +ELIZABETH. Oh, isn't life rotten? Why can't one be happy without +making other people unhappy? + +LADY KITTY. I wish I knew how to help you. I'm simply devoted to you. +[_She hunts about in her mind for something to do or say._] Would you +like my lip-stick? + +ELIZABETH. [_Smiling through her tears._] Thanks. I never use one. + +LADY KITTY. Oh, but just try. It's such a comfort when you're in +trouble. + +[_Enter PORTEOUS and TEDDIE._ + +PORTEOUS. I brought him. He said he'd be damned if he'd come. + +LADY KITTY. When a lady sent for him? Are these the manners of the +young men of to-day? + +TEDDIE. When you've been solemnly kicked out of a house once I think +it seems rather pushing to come back again as though nothing had +happened. + +ELIZABETH. Teddie, I want you to be serious. + +TEDDIE. Darling, I had such a rotten dinner at that pub. If you ask me +to be serious on the top of that I shall cry. + +ELIZABETH. Don't be idiotic, Teddie. [_Her voice faltering._] I'm so +utterly wretched. + +[_He looks at her for a moment gravely._ + +TEDDIE. What is it? + +ELIZABETH. I can't come away with you, Teddie. + +TEDDIE. Why not? + +ELIZABETH. [_Looking away in embarrassment._] I don't love you enough. + +TEDDIE. Fiddle! + +ELIZABETH. [_With a flash of anger._] Don't say "Fiddle" to me. + +TEDDIE. I shall say exactly what I like to you. + +ELIZABETH. I won't be bullied. + +TEDDIE. Now look here, Elizabeth, you know perfectly well that I'm in +love with you, and I know perfectly well that you're in love with me. +So what are you talking nonsense for? + +ELIZABETH. [_Her voice breaking._] I can't say it if you're cross with +me. + +TEDDIE. [_Smiling very tenderly._] I'm not cross with you, silly. + +ELIZABETH. It's harder still when you're being rather an owl. + +TEDDIE. [_With a chuckle._] Am I mistaken in thinking you're not very +easy to please? + +ELIZABETH. Oh, it's monstrous. I was all wrought up and ready to do +anything, and now you've thoroughly put me out. I feel like a great +big fat balloon that some one has put a long pin into. [_With a sudden +look at him._] Have you done it on purpose? + +TEDDIE. Upon my soul I don't know what you're talking about. + +ELIZABETH. I wonder if you're really much cleverer than I think you +are. + +TEDDIE. [_Taking her hands and making her sit down._] Now tell me +exactly what you want to say. By the way, do you want Lady Kitty and +Lord Porteous to be here? + +ELIZABETH. Yes. + +LADY KITTY. Elizabeth asked us to stay. + +TEDDIE. Oh, I don't mind, bless you. I only thought you might feel +rather in the way. + +LADY KITTY. [_Frigidly._] A gentlewoman never feels in the way, Mr. +Luton. + +TEDDIE. Won't you call me Teddie? Everybody does, you know. + +[_LADY KITTY tries to give him a withering look, but she finds it very +difficult to prevent herself from smiling. TEDDIE strokes ELIZABETH'S +hands. She draws them away._ + +ELIZABETH. No, don't do that. Teddie, it wasn't true when I said I +didn't love you. Of course I love you. But Arnold loves me, too. I +didn't know how much. + +TEDDIE. What has he been saying to you? + +ELIZABETH. He's been very good to me, and so kind. I didn't know he +could be so kind. He offered to let me divorce him. + +TEDDIE. That's very decent of him. + +ELIZABETH. But don't you see, it ties my hands. How can I accept such +a sacrifice? I should never forgive myself if I profited by his +generosity. + +TEDDIE. If another man and I were devilish hungry and there was only +one mutton chop between us, and he said, "You eat it," I wouldn't +waste a lot of time arguing. I'd wolf it before he changed his mind. + +ELIZABETH. Don't talk like that. It maddens me. I'm trying to do the +right thing. + +TEDDIE. You're not in love with Arnold; you're in love with me. It's +idiotic to sacrifice your life for a slushy sentiment. + +ELIZABETH. After all, I did marry him. + +TEDDIE. Well, you made a mistake. A marriage without love is no +marriage at all. + +ELIZABETH. _I_ made the mistake. Why should he suffer for it? If +anyone has to suffer it's only right that I should. + +TEDDIE. What sort of a life do you think it would be with him? When +two people are married it's very difficult for one of them to be +unhappy without making the other unhappy too. + +ELIZABETH. I can't take advantage of his generosity. + +TEDDIE. I daresay he'll get a lot of satisfaction out of it. + +ELIZABETH. You're being beastly, Teddie. He was simply wonderful. I +never knew he had it in him. He was really noble. + +TEDDIE. You are talking rot, Elizabeth. + +ELIZABETH. I wonder if you'd be capable of acting like that. + +TEDDIE. Acting like what? + +ELIZABETH. What would you do if I were married to you and came and +told you I loved somebody else and wanted to leave you? + +TEDDIE. You have very pretty blue eyes, Elizabeth. I'd black first one +and then the other. And after that we'd see. + +ELIZABETH. You damned brute! + +TEDDIE. I've often thought I wasn't quite a gentleman. Had it ever +struck you? + +[_They look at one another for a while._ + +ELIZABETH. You know, you are taking an unfair advantage of me. I feel +as if I came to you quite unsuspectingly and when I wasn't looking you +kicked me on the shins. + +TEDDIE. Don't you think we'd get on rather well together? + +PORTEOUS. Elizabeth's a fool if she don't stick to her husband. It's +bad enough for the man, but for the woman--it's damnable. I hold no +brief for Arnold. He plays bridge like a foot. Saving your presence, +Kitty, I think he's a prig. + +LADY KITTY. Poor dear, his father was at his age. I daresay he'll grow +out of it. + +PORTEOUS. But you stick to him, Elizabeth, stick to him. Man is a +gregarious animal. We're members of a herd. If we break the herd's +laws we suffer for it. And we suffer damnably. + +LADY KITTY. Oh, Elizabeth, my dear child, don't go. It's not worth it. +It's not worth it. I tell you that, and I've sacrificed everything to +love. + +[_A pause._ + +ELIZABETH. I'm afraid. + +TEDDIE. [_In a whisper._] Elizabeth. + +ELIZABETH. I can't face it. It's asking too much of me. Let's say +good-bye to one another, Teddie. It's the only thing to do. And have +pity on me. I'm giving up all my hope of happiness. + +[_He goes up to her and looks into her eyes._ + +TEDDIE. But I wasn't offering you happiness. I don't think my sort of +love tends to happiness. I'm jealous. I'm not a very easy man to get +on with. I'm often out of temper and irritable. I should be fed to the +teeth with you sometimes, and so would you be with me. I daresay we'd +fight like cat and dog, and sometimes we'd hate each other. Often +you'd be wretched and bored stiff and lonely, and often you'd be +frightfully homesick, and then you'd regret all you'd lost. Stupid +women would be rude to you because we'd run away together. And some of +them would cut you. I don't offer you peace and quietness. I offer you +unrest and anxiety. I don't offer you happiness. I offer you love. + +ELIZABETH. [_Stretching out her arms._] You hateful creature, I +absolutely adore you! + +[_He throws his arms round her and kisses her passionately on the +lips._ + +LADY KITTY. Of course the moment he said he'd give her a black eye I +knew it was finished. + +PORTEOUS. [_Good-humouredly._] You are a fool, Kitty. + +LADY KITTY. I know I am, but I can't help it. + +TEDDIE. Let's make a bolt for it now. + +ELIZABETH. Shall we? + +TEDDIE. This minute. + +PORTEOUS. You're damned fools, both of you, damned fools! If you like +you can have my car. + +TEDDIE. That's awfully kind of you. As a matter of fact I got it out +of the garage. It's just along the drive. + +PORTEOUS. [_Indignantly._] How do you mean, you got it out of the +garage? + +TEDDIE. Well, I thought there'd be a lot of bother, and it seemed to +me the best thing would be for Elizabeth and me not to stand upon the +order of our going, you know. Do it now. An excellent motto for a +business man. + +PORTEOUS. Do you mean to say you were going to steal my car? + +TEDDIE. Not exactly. I was only going to bolshevise it, so to speak. + +PORTEOUS. I'm speechless. I'm absolutely speechless. + +TEDDIE. Hang it all, I couldn't carry Elizabeth all the way to London. +She's so damned plump. + +ELIZABETH. You dirty dog! + +PORTEOUS. [_Spluttering._] Well, well, well! . . . [_Helplessly._] I +like him, Kitty, it's no good pretending I don't. I like him. + +TEDDIE. The moon's shining, Elizabeth. We'll drive all through the +night. + +PORTEOUS. They'd better go to San Michele. I'll wire to have it got +ready for them. + +LADY KITTY. That's where we went when Hughie and I . . . +[_Faltering._] Oh, you dear things, how I envy you! + +PORTEOUS. [_Mopping his eyes._] Now don't cry, Kitty. Confound you, +don't cry. + +TEDDIE. Come, darling. + +ELIZABETH. But I can't go like this. + +TEDDIE. Nonsense! Lady Kitty will lend you her cloak. Won't you? + +LADY KITTY. [_Taking it off._] You're capable of tearing it off my +back if I don't. + +TEDDIE. [_Putting the cloak on ELIZABETH._] And we'll buy you a +tooth-brush in London in the morning. + +LADY KITTY. She must write a note for Arnold. I'll put it on her +pincushion. + +TEDDIE. Pincushion be blowed! Come, darling. We'll drive through the +dawn and through the sunrise. + +ELIZABETH. [_Kissing LADY KITTY and PORTEOUS._] Good-bye. Good-bye. + +[_TEDDIE stretches out his hand and she takes it. Hand in hand they go +out into the night._ + +LADY KITTY. Oh, Hughie, how it all comes back to me! Will they suffer +all we suffered? And have we suffered all in vain? + +PORTEOUS. My dear, I don't know that in life it matters so much what +you do as what you are. No one can learn by the experience of another +because no circumstances are quite the same. If we made rather a hash +of things perhaps it was because we were rather trivial people. You +can do anything in this world if you're prepared to take the +consequences, and consequences depend on character. + +[_Enter CHAMPION-CHENEY, rubbing his hands. He is as pleased as +Punch._ + +C.-C. Well, I think I've settled the hash of that young man. + +LADY KITTY. Oh! + +C.-C. You have to get up very early in the morning to get the better +of your humble servant. + +[_There is the sound of a car starting._ + +LADY KITTY. What is that? + +C.-C. It sounds like a car. I expect it's your chauffeur taking one of +the maids for a joy-ride. + +PORTEOUS. Whose hash are you talking about? + +C.-C. Mr. Edward Luton's, my dear Hughie. I told Arnold exactly what +to do and he's done it. What makes a prison? Why, bars and bolts. +Remove them and a prisoner won't want to escape. Clever, I flatter +myself. + +PORTEOUS. You were always that, Clive, but at the moment you're +obscure. + +C.-C. I told Arnold to go to Elizabeth and tell her she could have her +freedom. I told him to sacrifice himself all along the line. I know +what women are. The moment every obstacle was removed to her marriage +with Teddie Luton, half the allurement was gone. + +LADY KITTY. Arnold did that? + +C.-C. He followed my instructions to the letter. I've just seen him. +She's shaken. I'm willing to bet five hundred pounds to a penny that +she won't bolt. A downy old bird, eh? Downy's the word. Downy. + +[_He begins to laugh. They laugh, too. Presently they are all three in +fits of laughter._ + +[The Curtain Falls] + +THE END + + + +Transcriber's Note + +This transcription is based on scanned images posted by the Internet +Archive from a copy in the University of California, Santa Barbara +Library: + +archive.org/details/circlecomedyinth00maug + +The following changes were noted: + +- In the original text, titles for each act (e.g., "THE FIRST ACT") +were printed on otherwise blank pages. In addition, the associated +versos were blank, as were two of the pages facing these pages. These +pages were not included or otherwise identified in the transcription, +and thus in the html version of this transcription pp. 6-8, pp. 34-35, +and pp. 64-66 are missing from the page count. + +- p. 15: ...and a note was found on the pin-cushion.--Deleted hyphen +in "pin-cushion" for consistency. + +- p. 36: ...you'll discover that onlokers are expected...--Changed +"onlokers" to "onlookers". + +- p. 40: She's tinsel You think I'm...--Inserted a period after +"tinsel". + +- p. 44: [_Almost giving it up as a bad job._ Oh, my God!--Inserted a +closing bracket after "_job._" + +The html version of this etext attempts to reproduce the layout of the +printed text. However, some concessions have been made. For example, +stage directions printed flush right were indented the same amount +from the left margin and coded as hanging paragraphs. + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Circle, by W. Somerset Maugham + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 42395 *** |