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diff --git a/41795.txt b/41795.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 61f13cc..0000000 --- a/41795.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,5057 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Tales of Northumbria, by Howard Pease - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - - -Title: Tales of Northumbria - -Author: Howard Pease - -Release Date: January 6, 2013 [EBook #41795] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TALES OF NORTHUMBRIA *** - - - - -Produced by sp1nd, obstobst and the Online Distributed -Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was -produced from images generously made available by The -Internet Archive) - - - - - - - - - - TALES OF NORTHUMBRIA - - - - - BY THE SAME AUTHOR - - BORDERLAND STUDIES - THE MARK O' THE DEIL - THE WHITE-FACED PRIEST - - - - - TALES OF - NORTHUMBRIA - - BY - HOWARD PEASE - - METHUEN & CO. - 36 ESSEX STREET, W.C. - LONDON - - 1899 - - - - - TO - EARL GREY - - EVER KEENLY INTERESTED IN WHATEVER - CONCERNS HIS NATIVE COUNTY - THESE SKETCHES OF NORTHUMBRIAN CHARACTER - ARE DEDICATED BY THE AUTHOR - - - - -CONTENTS - - - PAGE - - NORTHUMBERLAND 1 - - 'A LONG MAIN' 7 - - THE SQUIRE'S LAST RIDE 29 - - [`A] L'OUTRANCE 41 - - 'T'OWD SQUIRE' 59 - - AN 'AMMYTOOR' DETECTIVE 79 - - 'IN MEMORIOV'M' 109 - - 'THE HECKLER' UPON WOMENFOLK 121 - - THE 'CALEB JAY' 133 - - GEORDIE ARMSTRONG 'THE JESU-YTE' 147 - - 'GEORDIE RIDE-THE-STANG' 165 - - YANKEE BILL AND QUAKER JOHN 187 - - THE PROT['E]G['E] 209 - - THE SPANISH DOUBLOON 243 - - - - -The tales that go to make up this small volume have already appeared -in print: the first part of the Introduction, 'A Long Main,' 'In -Memoriov'm,' in the _National Observer_; 'The Prot['e]g['e],' in the -_Queen_; 'Quaker John and Yankee Bill,' 'T'Owd Squire,' 'An Ammytoor -Detective,' in the _Newcastle Courant_; '[`A] l'Outrance,' in the -_Newcastle Weekly Chronicle_; and the remaining six in the _Newcastle -Daily Leader_. I desire to tender my thanks herewith to the various -editors concerned. - - - - -TALES OF NORTHUMBRIA - - - - -NORTHUMBERLAND - - -It is generally admitted that your Northumbrian pre-eminently -possesses the quality which the pious but worldly Scotchman was used -to pray for, namely, 'a guid conceit o' hissel'.' - -It is the more unfortunate, therefore, that of late years a -considerable landslip should have taken place in the ground whereon -his reputation rested. - -The local poet no longer hymns the 'Champions o' Tyneside,' for -Chambers and Renforth and other heroes have long since departed, -leaving 'no issue.' - -Advancing civilization, again, has, it is to be feared, made havoc of -the proud insularity of the Northumbrian squirearchy. No longer are -they content, like the Osbaldistones of yore, to devote themselves to -cellar and stable, to stay at home, contemptuous of London and its -politics, of travel and of new ideas. 'Markham's Farriery' and the -'Guide to Heraldry' have lost their pristine charm, and the -Northumbrian is, as a consequence, foregoing his ancient -characteristics merely to become provincial. - -'Geordie Pitman' alone makes a stand against all modern innovation. -Firm in his pele tower of ancient superiority, he is still convinced -of the superiority of all things Northumbrian. - -'Champions' may have died out elsewhere, and patriotism be decayed in -the higher social ranks, but in the pit-village there still lingers an -admirable quantity of the old self-love. - -In each separate village you may find some half-dozen self-styled -'champions' who will match themselves against 'any man in the world' -for [GBP]10 or [GBP]15 a side at their own particular hobby or pastime. - -Defeat has little effect upon a 'champion': like Antaeus, he picks -himself up the stronger for a fall, and having advertised himself in -the papers as 'not being satisfied' with his beating, challenges -another attempt forthwith. - - * * * * * - -Now this self-satisfaction--though somewhat decayed of late--is -probably one of the oldest strains in the Northumbrian character, -having been developed, doubtless, in the first instance, under stress -of constant raid and foray, and but little affected thereafter--owing -to the remoteness of the county both from the universities and from -London--by the higher standards of softer and more civilized centres. - -After this, the next most predominant trait is a love of sport, for -which the climate, together with the physical conformation of the -county, may be held responsible; for the open aspect of the plain, the -crown of bare western hills, the wind-swept moorland and the sea, -suggest a life of hard endurance and fatigue, the strenuous toil of -the hunter, the keen excitements of the chase. - -Still, as of old, the wide and spreading grasslands try horse and -rider with a tempting challenge, as of one who cries, 'Come, who will -tire first?' The music of the hounds sweeps down the brae: -'Yoi--yoi--yoi!' quivers the cry from the streaming pack. Onward the -rider gallops, the plover perchance rising at his horse's heels, the -long note of the curlew sounding in his ears, the breath of the west -wind racing in his nostrils; he may see on this side the purple bar of -Cheviot, on the other the blue, flat line of the sea, and -therewith--if ever in his life--may taste of the primeval joy of -living--of the joy of the early hunter who lived with his horse as -with a comrade, drew from the sea the 'sacred fish,' from the moorland -the 'winged fowl,' and knew not discontent. - -The beauty of the southern counties is not to be met with here. - -The south is the well-dowered matron, the north a bare-headed -gipsy-lass, freckled with sun and wind, who 'fends' for her living -with strategies of hand and head. - -Still, in the northern blood, the heritage of the 'raid' and the -'foray' abides, and still, as of old, are the children of the -Borderland nursed by the keen wind of the moorland and the sea. 'Hard -and heather-bred' ran the ancient North-Tyne slogan; 'hard and -heather-bred--yet--yet--yet.' - - - - -'A LONG MAIN' - - -'So you're a county family?' I echoed, and, though it may have been -impolite, I could not forbear a smile, for never had I seen County -Family so well disguised before. - -'Ay,' replied Geordie Crozier, 'I is,' and forthwith proceeded to -search in the pocket of his pit-knickerbockers for his 'cutty.' He had -just come up to 'bank' from the 'fore-shift,' and was leaning on a -waggon on the pit-heap, about to have a smoke before going home for a -'wesh,' dinner, and bed. 'The last ov us,' he continued, having lit -his pipe, 'that had Crozier Hall was grandfeythor--Jake Crozier, of -Crozier Hall, was his name an' address, an'--an'--I's his relics.' - -I glanced at the 'relics' afresh--six foot two if he was an inch, and -broad in proportion, a magnificent pair of arms--he was champion hewer -at the colliery--with legs to match, though slightly bowed through the -constant stooping underground. Under the mask of coal-dust his eyes -gleamed like pearls, and a thrusting lower lip, backed by a square -jaw, gave evidence of determination and the faculty of enjoyment. A -short, well-trimmed beard put the finishing touch to 'the Squire,' for -so his friends styled him, half in jest. - -'Well, and how was it lost?' said I. 'Was "cellar and stable," the -good old Northumbrian motto, his epitaph? Or did your grandfather take -an even quicker road to the bailiffs?' - -'Grandfeythor was like us, I b'lieve; he was a fine spender but an ill -saver, an' he had a h---- ov a time till the mortgages gave oot, for -he was a tarr'ble tasteful man--lasses, greyhounds, an' horses, -racin', drinkin', cockin', an' card-playin' were aal hobbies ov his at -one time or another, but what was warse than aal this put togither was -that he never wud be beat. Everything he had must be the best, an' the -fact that anythin' belonged to him was quite enough to prove to him it -was the best o' the sort i' the county. Well, for a while as a young -man things went well wi' him. He win the Plate[1] two years runnin', -an' many was the cock-fight an' coursin' match he pulled off wiv his -cocks an' his hounds; but there was a chap came oot o' Aadcastle who -was one too many for him at the finish. This chap had made a vast o' -brass i' the toon at ship-buildin' or such like, an' bein' wishful to -set hisself up as a big pot, had hired a big place next grandfeythor's -i' the country. Well, grandfeythor couldn't abide him, for, bein' a -red-hot Tory, he didn't believe i' one man bein' as good as another at -aal, an' when, as happened shortlies, his neighbour's son came -sweetheartin' his daughter, he says, "No Crozier lass ever yet married -a shopkeeper's son, an' they never shall as long as I'm above -ground--orffice boys mun marry wi' orffice gals," says he. - -'Well, the lad's feythor was tarr'ble vext at this, an' he swears -he'll have his revenge on the Squire--an' it wasn't long before he got -his opportunity. - -'He'd set hissel' up as a sportin' man, ye ken, when he come to the -country, an' wes tarr'ble keen o' shootin' wiv a gun, an' occasionally -he meets grandfeythor at a shootin' party, an' always takes the -opportunity to differ from him i' a polite sort o' way on every topic -under the sun. - -'Well, after their dinners one day, grandfeythor, bein' fairly full up -wi' beer, ye ken, begins sneering at all toon's folk settin' up as -sportsmen. "It stan's to reason," says he, "if a man's forbears have -never handled a gun, nor shot nowt mevvies[2] but a hoody crow or a -seagull on a holiday, that the bairns canna shoot either, for it's -bred an' born in a man--it's part o' his birthright, like a fam'ly -jool," says he; "a heditary gift, the same as a proper knowledge o' -horseflesh, fightin' cocks, greyhounds an' aal; money won't buy it, -an' it's no use argifyin' aboot it, for it's a fact, and the will o' -Providence," says he. - -'Noo, when grandfeythor got on aboot Providence, most folks, I -b'lieve, used to say nowt, but Smithson--that was the chap's name--he -gies a sort o' tee-hee at this oot loud, which would be the same as if -you or me were to say, "It's just d----d nonsense." - -'Well, there was a tarr'ble tow-row at this, grandfeythor as red as a -bubbly-jock an' swearin' like a drunken fishwife, and Smithson as -polite as a counter-jumper wiv his "pardon me's" and "pray be seated, -sirs"--aal to no effect. - -'At the finish, when matters were quieted doon a bit, Smithson offers -to back hissel' at a shootin' match wi' grandfeythor for [GBP]1,000 a -side, an' also at a cockin' match--"a long main" it was to be--twenty -battles at [GBP]100 the "battle" and [GBP]1,000 the "main." - -'Well, aal the comp'ny thought it was just a bit swagger on the part -o' Smithson, an' that when the time came he'd just cry off an' pay -forfeit, for the match was to take place in three weeks' time, and -never a cock had Smithson in his place ava, whereas grandfeythor, he -had a rare breed, the best i' the county--mixed Rothbury an' -Felton--an' the old Felton breed was the one the King o' England win -his brass ower formerly. - -'The time comes, an' the comp'ny is aal assembled i' the cock-pit at -Bridgeton, grandfeythor, full o' beans an' bounce, backin' hissel' -like a prize-fighter, takin' snuff an' handin' roon' the box to his -friends, an' sayin' noo an' again, "Where's that dam' fellow -Smithson?" - -'Well, the clock on the old tower was just on the stroke of ten, when -in saunters Smithson, cool as a ha'penny ice, an' behind him, in green -and gold liv'ries, come ten flunkies each wi' two big bags behind his -shoulder, an' in each bag a tarr'ble fine fightin' cock. - -'Where he'd gathered them nobody knew save old Ned Stevison--an -ancient old cock-fighter o' Bridgeton, who loved cocks more than many -a man his missus. "The Moonlight Breed" he called them, but they had a -strain of the famous old Lord Derby's breed i' them, and were blood -uns to the bone. - -'Some half dozen were Stevison's own, but the remainder 'twas said he -had stolen from awa doon Sooth for Smithson, an' anyways "Captain -Moonlight" was his nickname ever afterwards. - -'Well, they weighs aal the cocks; from six to six and a half pounds -their weight was to be, an' the fight commences. - -'Bob Stevison fought Smithson's cocks for him, an' grandfeythor fought -his own, kneelin' doon on the cock-pit floor wiv his coat off so as to -handle them the better. - -'The first two or three battles grandfeythor wins easy, Stevison using -his warst cocks at the first, d'ye see, oot o' craft mevvies to get -longer odds i' the bettin', so that at one time grandfeythor was five -battles to two to the good; a bit later it was eight all, an' the -excitement was immense, bets flyin' aboot like snowflakes at -Christmas. - -'Then Stevison oots wiv a beauty--a perfect picture it was ov a -fighter; eyes like a furnace at night, liftin' his legs like a Derby -winner, wings an' tail clipped short--aal glossy wi' health an' -shinin' like mahogany. - -'Stevison runs him up an' doon the floor to heat his blood, an' tweaks -a feather doon from his rump--that was a clever trick he had, to -madden his cock just before the start--an' holds him ready for the -battle. - -'Then grandfeythor, he oots wiv his champion cock--"Stingo," he called -him--an old favouryte ov his, a gran' bird too, six years old, an' a -little past his prime mevvies, though he'd never lost a battle in his -life. - -'As soon as they sees each other "Stingo" gies a bit triumphant crow, -an' leans forward from his master's hand to try an' nip hold o' the -other wiv his beak. The other says nowt, just looks at him wi' fiery -eyes red hot wi' murder, an' as soon as ever his feet touch the -sawdust bends low, then springs straight for Stingo, drivin' wiv his -spur o' shinin' steel right for his heart. - -'Just i' the nick o' time Stingo leaps i' the air to meet him; there's -a "click, click," "click, click," as o' daggers crossin', an' pantin' -from the shock, doon sinks either bird to the ground. - -'Stevison's mouth was tremblin' like a bairn's as he took his -favouryte up, for there was blood on his lower breast feathers, but -Stingo wasn't touched ava, an' grandfeythor, puffed oot wi' pride, -claps a bit mair o' the fam'ly property on to his champion. - -'It was a bit lesson for the other cock; he was just as determined as -ever, but a bit quieter like; round an' round Stingo he goes like a -prize-fighter, clickin' in noo an' again as he thought he saw his -openin', an' when they grappled tegither wi' their beaks, though his -comb was almost torn in two, he hammered for Stingo's eye as a -blacksmith hammers on his anvil. - -'After about fifteen minutes neither cock could stand straight; at a -distance you'd have said they was both as drunk as my lord; both were -drippin' blood; Stingo had lost an' eye, an' neither o' t'other's were -much use to him, bein' bunged up wi' bruised flesh. They staggered -aboot here an' there; knocked up against each other in a blind-man's -"beg-pardin" sort o' way. Every noo and again the Moonlight cock would -pull himself together, hop feebly into the air, an' strike wiv his -spurs, but as often as not the air was all he hit, for, his eyesight -bein' aal askew, he couldn't aim straight, an' doon he would flop on -his tail end, coughin' an' choakin' wi' blood--powerless, yet mad to -gan on fightin'. - -'At the finish he gets Stingo pinned up against the cockpit bars, an', -thinkin' he has him noo, gies a feeble craw, lifts hissel' into the -air, an' claps for his heart wiv his spurs. - -'There was a bit clash in the held-breath stillness of the place, then -a tiny moan, an', by Gox! there was Moonlight lyin' flat on his back -on the sawdust wiv one leg broke in two an' danglin' wiv its spur like -a watch-chain on his breast. - -'Such a hullaballoo as there was, grandfeythor yellin' like an Injun! -"Pick up yo'r bird," he cries, "he's a dead un!" for there was Stingo -a-top o' Moonlight peckin' at what was left ov his head-piece like a -blackbird at a snail. - -'Stevison never moved, but his gills went flutterin' like those ov a -dyin' fish; he couldn't speak, but I b'lieve he was prayin' for his -favouryte. - -'A minute passed, then Moonlight comes to; he beats wiv his wings, -struggles, crawls an inch or two, manages to shake off Stingo, then -hoistin' hissel' up once again wiv his one leg an' wings slashes wiv -his spur, and by the damn'dest luck lands it in Stingo's eye. - -'Doon in a motionless heap they falls, an' when they're separated -Stingo's dead as a leg o' mutton. - -'The rest o' the comp'ny yells and shouts; some says Moonlight's a -dead un, too, an' it's a drawn battle, an' grandfeythor, he swears his -bird can still fight, while Stevison, unable to find his voice, picks -up Moonlight, an' finally claps a great kiss on to the middle ov his -back, an' when he sets him doon again wiv a drop brandy in his mouth -he sets up a feeble craw of defiance, plainly axin', "Who the deevil -says I's a dead un?" - -'After that it was all up wi' grandfeythor; the stuffin' seemed -knocked oot o' him an' his cocks by the loss ov his favouryte, an' in -the next battle another of his best birds had his heart squashed oot, -like a ripe gooseberry, at the vary first encounter. - -'It was a black day that for grandfeythor, but, as I was sayin' at the -start, he never gies in, an' he comforts hissel' wi' thinkin' he'd -make matters square up an' a bit to spare by the shootin' match which -was to follow in a fortnight's time. - -'Smithson had agreed to shoot off the match at Crozier Hall, for -grandfeythor had aboot the best shootin' in the county at the time, -an' there was one place famous for the grand shots ye got overhead -between two woods planted on either side of a dene, ye ken. - -'There was stubbles an' beanfields usuallies beyond, an' the -pheasants, when driven off, used to fly right across the haugh below -over into the woods beyond--mevvies aboot two hundred yards awa'. - -'Well, the great day comes. A fine, sunshiny October day it was, wiv a -bit o' wind from the west--the way the birds was to fly, ye ken, an' a -tarr'ble big comp'ny was assembled to see grandfeythor gie "the -furrinor" his gruel. - -'Grandfeythor was i' tremendous spirits that mornin', an' as full o' -gob as a torkey-cock; nothin' could hold him; the world was a toy to -him--like the geography chap[3] i' the bairns' books, ye ken--he felt -sae tarr'ble strong an' healthy. "Eyeball clear as a bairn's," says -he, "hand steady as a rock, digestion a marvel," an' he pats hissel' -on the stomach as pleased as Punch. - -'They tosses as to who shoots first, an' the coin comes doon for -grandfeythor, an' mighty delighted he was to be the first to shoot. -There wasn't much chance o' grandfeythor's bettin' as much as he -wished for, for naebody thought Smithson had a chanst, but what he -could get he gobbled up like a hungry trout--fearfu' odds they -was--six to one on himself he had to lay, an' often a bit more. - -'The match was for [GBP]1,000 a side, a hundred shots each at the first -hundred pheasants within shot, an' the referee to decide any disputed -points. - -'Grandfeythor takes up his stand aboot thirty yards awa' from the -wood's edge; then the referee fires a pistol, the head-beater i' the -wood above waves a white flag, an' there's a dead stillness as though -we were aal i' church prayin'. - -'There was a big clump o' fir-trees standin' right oot from the thick -o' the wood's edge about fifty yards off mevvies, an' two o' the firs -stood oot high above their fellows, an' that was where the pheasants -always broke oot, whizzin' up like rockets as they came ower the top -o' them, an' it was just at that point that grandfeythor had always -nicked them clever--just as they cleared the rise of the topmost tree, -ye ken, an' started on their level flight for the opposite side. If ye -missed them i' front ye hadn't much chanst behind, for they swept awa' -like lightnin' doon the wind before ye could get turned round. Well, -aal was stillness as I said, when sudden there comes a far-away cry -through the clear air--"Cock forrard, cock forrard!" an' in another -two seconds there comes a clap o' wings from above. Bang! gans -grandfeythor's gun, as a fine cock sweeps overhead. "D----!" says he, -wiv a flush on his cheek; for aal there was to show was some -half-dozen tail feathers left twirlin', as if in mock'ry, forty yards -in the air above him. - -'"Cock forrard, cock forrard!" comes the cry again, an' grandfeythor -grips a firmer stand wiv his feet, an' grasps his weapon a bit tighter -than before. Bang, bang! this time, an' the cock gies a frightful -lurch as though about to fall headlong, but steadies hissel', rises a -bit, an' wins over to the other side. - -'"H----!" yells grandfeythor, trembling wi' rage, an' stamps upon the -ground. "Cock forrard, cock forrard!" again comes the beater's cry, -an' half a dozen come flightin' overhead at once. - -'Bang! once again, an' grandfeythor wiv a groan flings his gun to the -ground, for he had missed altogether that time. - -'"I'm fair bewitched," he cries, and aal the while the pheasants were -streamin' overhead. - -'He trembled aal over, an' we thought he was gannin' to have a fit, -for his brow was damp wi' drops o' sweat, an' his eye wild an' glassy. -"Thoo damned fellow," he cries, glancing round at Smithson, an' takes -a step towards him, "thoo's cozened me somehow, thoo must have -poisoned my beer!" he yells. - -'"Steady, sir, for God's sake, steady!" says the keeper in his ear, -an' offers him his gun again ready loaded for another shot, for aal -the while the pheasants came liftin' above their heads. - -'Well, he takes it up again, looks at it an' feels as though he didn't -recognise it, as though it had injured him somehow, an', tremblin' aal -over, takes up a stand again. After a shot or two he kills one in -beautiful style, an' gradually getting back a bit o' confidence he -gets warmed up, an' at the finish he has seventy-five oot o' the -hundred--oot o' the last twenty never missin' one. - -'And noo it was Smithson's turn. - -'He makes a splendid start, wipin' up the first fifteen birds wivvoot -an error; after that again the pheasants come wilder, an' gettin' -flurried belike, he tailors them. Then he gets steadied once more, an' -at the finish has ten cartridges left an' seventy birds doon. - -'A wunnerfu' chap for nerve he was, was Smithson; the mair excitement -the cooler he gets. - -'A hen pheasant comes sailin' awa' to the right some sixty yards off. - -'"In shot?" asked he, as though he were passin' the time o' day. - -'"Shoot," cries the referee, an' ping, ping! gans two cartridges, but -he cannot stop her, she was ower far off, though she left a trail o' -feathers ahint her. - -'He gets another fearfu' hard one to the left this time, an' it takes -two cartridges to settle number seventy-one--six cartridges left an' -five birds to bag. - -'Wow! but the excitement was painfu', an' folks fell to bettin' i' -quick whispers, "Two to one against Smithson," an' he takes it wiv a -nod, smilin' if you please. - -'The next three he gets, then he misses a longish shot, two cartridges -left an' two birds to knock doon. - -'Here they come--two cocks high together overhead--be-eauties; suthin' -seems wrang wi' trigger or cartridge, an' Smithson misses first -barrel. - -'"I've won!" yells grandfeythor, an' tosses his cap i' the air. Bang! -says Smithson's second barrel, an' doon comes the two cock pheasants -togither. The first had swerved, d'ye see, an' jostled up against the -second, an' Smithson cops 'em both wiv his last cartridge an' wins on -the post, seventy-six to seventy-five. Gox! but it was the nearest -touch an' go thing ever seen i' the North Country, I's warn'd, an' wi' -that last cartridge bang gans Crozier Hall.' - -'Was there any trickery?' I inquired; 'had Smithson tampered with your -grandfather's cartridges, for instance?' - -'No, he'd not done that; he couldn't ha' done that, but he had tricked -grandfeythor a bit, though it wasn't found out till afterwards. - -'The way of it was this: Smithson was a d----d clever feller, ye ken, -an' knowin' as he did that grandfeythor had a wunnerfu' way o' pickin' -off the pheasants just as they came over the topmost trees, he had -sent two or three o' his men i' the night-time, an' had fixed up a -young fir right on to the top o' the highest tree, so that Mr. -Pheasant had to rise another six feet afore he cam' ower. - -'Well, this was just enough to put grandfeythor oot ov his reckonin's, -an' when he misses the first one, as he'd never done before, he cannot -make it oot, he went clean flustered, thought he must have had a -stroke, an' swore he was bewitched, or poisoned, or such like. - -'It was a crool thing to do, but it wasn't exactly what ye could call -a Jew's swindle--but, damn Smithson aal the same, I says; for here's -me, Geordie Crozier, left a po'r orphin i' the warld wi' none o' his -fam'ly property to belang to him, 'cept two gifts--the yen for -drinkin' an' t'other for gamblin', an' it's damn Smithson, says I.' - - -FOOTNOTES: - -[1] Northumberland Plate, or Pitmen's Derby. - -[2] 'Mevvies' = maybe, perhaps. The true Northumbrian is in a -threefold danger of betraying his origin: phonetically, by the 'burr'; -dialectically, by constant use of 'mevvies,' 'wor' (our), and 'I's -warned' (I warrant you); psychologically, by a perpetual readiness to -back himself, his dog, or any of his belongings, against any other -man's in the world, and for any amount, at a moment's notice. - -[3] Atlas, presumably. - - - - -THE SQUIRE'S LAST RIDE - - -'Ay, that's the priest, the Catholic Priest,' said Eph Milburn, after -a white-haired, cassock-clad old gentleman, who had nodded slightly in -reply to my companion's greeting, had passed over the bridge and -departed out of hearing. - -'He looks as if butter wouldn't melt in his mouth now,' continued -Milburn, a long-legged, ruddy-bearded, hawk-eyed son of the moorlands, -'and aal his time nowadays he spends in his garden over his bees or -his flowers, or thumbing his Mass-book in his library; but it wasn't -so once-a-day, not he, not when the old Squire was above ground, and -he came up by to stop wiv him. - -'Ye'll have heard tell o' the old Squire an' aal his goin's on, I'll -be bound? Ay, o' course, but there's one thing nobody kens o', not -even Father Blenkinsop, and that's where the Squire's bones are lyin', -for they never found his body, ye ken. - -'Squire Dally was the last o' the fam'ly that had lived in the old -Pele Tower o' Dally from generation to generation, and he was the -wildest o' a wild lot--riders an' reivers in the old times, canny hard -fox-hunters, drinkers, an' gam'lers this century. They were bound to -get through their property soon or late, an' the last Squire, Tom -Dally o' Dally, he says, "I leave my property tiv a South-countryman? -Not I, by Gad!" says he; "why, damme, but I'll cheat him yet," an' sae -he spends hissel' right an' left on any mortal thing he took a fancy -for. - -'The Hall--which was an old Pele wi' two wings added, ye ken--an' a -good bit o' the property, had gone before that. The last Squire's -grandfeythor had got shot o' that, the mortgages on it bein' far ower -heavy to keep up; but there was still a fair property left, an' a nice -canny house that had once been a dower-house, an' was now a farm, an' -that was where Squire Tom lived with his fighting-cocks, an' his -hounds, an' his hawks an' aal. - -'His missus had died early, ye ken, an' that had been the ruin ov him, -for she was a clivvor woman, wiv a turn o' management--just what ye -would call good hands i' the matter ov a horse; that was her faculty, -an' she was a bonny-featured woman for-bye. - -'Ay, she could manage him fine. - -'There was a grand scene, 'twas always said, when he brings her home -after their furrin' tower, an' one night, bein' merry wiv his bottle, -he forgets hissel', an' swears at her before company. Up she gets -swiftly, pale, but determined, an' leanin' a wee bit ower the table -she speaks straight at him. "Tom," she says, "you forget yourself; and -until you apologize to me for your rudeness I'll sit no more at table -wi' ye," an' oot she gans frae the dining-room, haughty as the Queen -in Scripture, leavin' the Squire gapin' an' speechless, never havin' -been treated that fashion before. - -'There was two or three other men wiv him dinin' that night, an' on -they sat drinkin' steadily, the Squire in a towerin' temper aal the -while, noo damnin' hissel', next cursin' his neighbour, an' backin' -his horses, an' hawks, an' hissel', wi' gun an' rod, against anyone, -or the lot o' them together. - -'They tried to soothe him a bit, but the mair they tried the hotter he -got, an' had the Pope hissel' been his visitor that night, Squire Tom -would have d----d him too, an' been glad o' the opportunity. After a -bit mair snarling an' sneerin', an' snappin' he sits quiet for a -while, then he glares round at his guest friends, an' he cries: - -'"Ye're nowt better than a lot o' 'momenty morries,'"--meanin' -skeletons, ye ken--"the wife's worth the whole boilin' o' ye, an' I'm -d----d if I don't apologize," an' he glared round to see if anyone -would dare laugh at him for't; but no one spoke save a little fam'ly -lawyer chap, up for the night frae the toon, an' he chirrups up an' he -says, "Qui' right, qui' right," he hiccoughs, an' the Squire glares -right through him as he growls, "When I ask ye for an opinion I pay ye -for't, but if ye advise me unasked again, I'll fling ye oot at -window," he says. - -'Sae oot he strides into the hall, an' cries up the stairs: "Nell, my -lass, Nell, ho-way doon, an' I'll apologize to ye, ay, d----, I will," -an' doon she comes, an' on tiv his knees he gans, an' she holds oot -her hand, an' the Squire he kisses it like a lover. - -'Well, she manages him clivvor, but in her first child-bed she was -taken ill, poor lady, an' dies vary shortly, leavin' him wiv a baby -girl. - -'After that the Squire was never the same man again. He turned -reckless, for what was the use ov "a filly" to him, he says; an' -havin' no son an' heir to live an' save for, he sets hissel' to spend -aal he can an' spite his next o' kin--a barrister chap in London toon, -whom he hated for bein' no sportsman--"a priest-faced, pauper chap iv -a black gown an' wig," he called him, an' no love was lost between the -pair o' them. He was a good bit older than the Squire, an' had a -largish fam'ly, the second son bein' none other than Father -Blenkinsop--the priest that's just passed us by. - -'He was the only one the Squire could take up wi' at aal, an' as a boy -he was often there for shootin', an' huntin', an' fishin', though his -father liked ill his bein' there, for fear o' his gettin' into bad -ways under the Squire's guidance, who was gettin' wilder an' wilder -wiv every year that passed. He was just a boy then, was Father -Blenkinsop, havin' left his schoolin', an' bein' aboot to gan tiv a -college to be turned into a Jesu-yte, an' nowt pleased the Squire -mair, after a long day's huntin' or hawkin', than to fill the lad up -wi' liquor an' sneer at religion, an' Mass, an' priests, an' aal. - -'"Chuck it, my boy, chuck it," he would say, clappin' him on the -shoulder, as he passed the bottle about. "Divv'nt put on the black -petticoat; ye're ower much ov a man for that. Ye can ride, an' ye can -shoot, an' ye can look a gal i' the face, an' ye can crack a bottle, -but if ye turn priest, ye'll neither be man nor woman, but a ---- bad -mixture o' both." - -'So he would talk o' nights, pourin' oot his ribaldries an' drinkin' -doon his wine, yet never gettin' fair drunk; for he had a marvellous -stomach for liquor, had the Squire--no butt o' Malmsey wine could ever -have drooned him, I's warn'd--an' the only way he betrayed himself was -by gettin' a bit hotter i' the face an' fiercer i' his talk. - -'Well, one night he vexed his young cousin beyond bearin'--what wi' -blackguardin' his father an' his mother, an' wi' one thing an' -another--an' sudden the boy leaps up--mevvies he was a little above -hissel' wi' liquor that evenin'--an' he bangs wiv his fist on the -table, an' he cries, "Look here, Cousin Tom, I'll stand it no longer, -an' to prove I'm no coward, I'll challenge ye to ride to the big Black -Stone on Glowrorum Fell an' back across the Moor this very night." - -'"Done wi' ye, lad, done wi' ye!" shouts the Squire, bangin' wiv his -fist in his turn, "an' I'll tell ye what the stakes shall be. If I -win, you chuck the Jesu-yte business an' come an' live wi' me, an' if -you win, you can take your pick o' the horses i' my stable. Agreed?" - -'"Ay!" shouted the boy recklessly; "done wi' ye." - -'Fifteen minutes after this the two o' them starts off with a wild -hallo up the brae side, an' so across the Moor, the Squire "yoickin'" -an' "tally-hooin'" as he went. - -'The Moor was mevvies aboot two miles across--an' a tarr'ble bad place -for hard gallopin', for there was a stone wall or two i' the middle -o't, bogs to the left hand, an' some old workin's--pit-shafts or the -like--to the right. - -'So right across Towlerhirst Moor they galloped--hell-to-leather--the -Squire to the right an' the boy to the left. - -'Tom Brewis, the old herd up at Windyneuk, happened to be passin' -along the sheep-track that leads by the Moor edge that night, an' -hearin' the sound ov a horse gallopin', an' a lively hollerin' as tho' -to a pack o' hounds, he comes across a bit to find oot what it might -be. - -'It was a dampish, daggyish sort o' night, but at times there was a -drift o' moonlight, an' in one o' thae glimpses he caught a sight ov a -dark figure on horseback, aboot two hundred yards from him, tryin' to -jump a big black horse across one o' thae open shafts. "You won't, -won't you? Then d---- ye, ye ---- black de'il, ye shall!" an' clappin' -his spurs deep into his sides, an' layin' his huntin' crop aboot his -ears, he forced him some paces backward an' sent him at it again. - -'It was a big black stallion he was ridin'--a fiery-tempered brute, a -proper match for the Squire--an' up he reared on end, fightin' him, -shriekin' wi' pain an' rage; but he couldn't get shot ov his rider, so -wiv a sudden bound he starts forward an' tries to clear the shaft wiv -one great leap. - -'Just at that moment the moonlight faded, an' Tom Brewis couldn't tell -exactly what happened, but he saw a dark mass leapin', he heard a -rattle o' stones, then a heavy thud deep down somewhere, a sort o' -splash, an' aal was still. - -'Tom stands there aal a-gliff wi' terror, half dazed, not kennin' -whether he can have seen or heard aright; then, pullin' hissel' -together, walks slowly thither to see if any trace can be seen of -horse or rider. - -'But there wasn't a one--neither o' horse nor Squire--nowt but a -tramplin' o' horse's hoofs an' a white gash as o' a half horse-shoe on -a big boulder o' rock two feet below the surface t'other side. Sae Tom -gans slowly back, an' doon to the Squire's house to find if he can -hear anything ov him doon there; for he half hoped it might be a sort -o' dream after aal. - -'Just as he gets to the door a figure comes up the drive leadin' to -the house, draggin' a lame horse after him, an' "Ha ye seen anything -o' the Squire?" it shouts at him. "No-o," says Tom, startled-like, -"that was just what I was comin' to ask for myself;" an' he peers -through the shadows to see who his questioner could be, an' recognises -Master Fred, the Squire's cousin, bleedin' frae a wound i' the head, -an' leadin' a horse wi' two fearfu' broken knees. - -'He win his wager,' concluded my companion slowly, 'but after that -ride he was never the lad he had been before, an' perhaps it's -scarcely likely that he should be, I'm thinkin'.' - - - - -[`A] L'OUTRANCE - - -We were standing on the fencing-room floor--Jake Carruthers and -I--leaning our backs against the armoury, our foils still in our -hands, slowly recovering our breath, after a rapier and dagger contest -which had lasted a good half-hour. - -He was much less 'winded' than myself, for all his sixty-five years; -and as I had positively worn myself out against his iron wrist I was -delighted to gain a breathing space, and occupied the time in drawing -out from my companion some old-time memories of the fencing floor. - -'Have you ever seen a duel?' I inquired. 'I don't mean a semi-drunken, -nose-chopping bout, or a garden-party affair, with coffee and -liqueurs, as in France, but a genuine "throat-cutting, blood-letting" -matter, such as Porthos or D'Artagnan would have loved?' - -'No,' replied Jake reflectively, drawing the length of his foil -lovingly along the soft sleeve of his jacket; 'the time's past, I -doubt, for that sort of performance. The Divorce Court is what "my -lord" appeals to nowadays for "satisfaction," and Trimmer Joe or -Bricklayer Tom, they just "bash" the trespasser upon their family -preserves on the head, and there's an end on't. - -'The cleverest, best-fought fight I ever saw--and I believe there was -a bit something of what you're meanin' in it--was, strange to say, -twixt a man and a woman--leastways, a gentleman an' a lady. It was a -fair battle, proper fightin' on her side; for she was sworn to win, -and sair wishful to punish him, I's warn'd; and he, though he was -tarr'ble keen to win too, found it took him all his time to keep her -from letting daylight into him--an', by the way, this is the varra -tale ye used always to be askin' for, an' I'll tell it ye noo, for -ye've improved i' your fencin', I'm thinkin', since ye began. You'll -have heard tell of Squire Dennington of Dennington Hall? A great rider -he was once, and a sportsman generally--"Jockey Jack" his own private -friends called him, and his horse, "Pit Laddie"--ye'll heard of -him?--won the "Plate" some thirty years back. - -'Well, his lady, Mrs. Dennington, was just the proudest woman in the -whole county of Northumberland--scarcely what ye would call "bonny," -but just tarr'ble handsome, and the Squire, he fair worships her. He -had married her in Berlin, and there was some queer odds an' ends o' -stories about her, but he'd never have hearkened to them any more than -he would listen to anyone shoutin' to him the way to go out hunting. - -'He was in the army at that time, ye ken--the Northumberland -Fusiliers, "The Old and Bold," with "Where the Fates calls ye" in -Latin for their motto--and I was his man-servant, joining the army -along of him, as my forbears had often done with his forbears -beforetime. - -'The Squire had to go out to Berlin with his mother, and he gets leave -for me to accompany him, and there it was that he met with his lady -that was to be--Miss Maxwell as she was then. - -'She was the handsomest woman in Berlin, 'twas said, but quite poor, -living as a companion with the wife of one of the Ambassador's party, -being a kind of cousin, and many were the stories about her. - -'Gossip said that one of them grand dukes with a name a yard long had -wanted her for his mistress, but when he made his proposition he got -such an answer that he never dared speak to her again. Then it was -reported that she was engaged to the Ambassador's chief secretary, -Oxencourt his name was--Sir Henry Oxencourt as he is now--and that she -had even run away with him, but that at the last moment he turned -round and said that he couldn't afford to marry her till his father -died, so there and then she leaves him, walks the night through till -she can get a conveyance, and arrives just in time to stay the mouth -of scandal from ruining her reputation. - -'Well, the Squire meets her, falls desperately into love--for he cares -nothing for gossips--and in three weeks' time she accepts him for good -and all. - -'They marries at once, and travel for a year or more, and finally -settle down at Dennington Hall. - -'The Squire after a bit sends for me, buys my discharge, makes me his -body-servant, and sets up the old banqueting-room as a fencing -hall--for he was always tarr'ble keen at fencing, boxing, -single-stick, and all manly sports--and it was part of my duty to give -them both a turn of fencing most mornings of the week. - -'Well, one winter, after about three years of marriage, the Squire -goes off to Algeria to shoot gazelle, leaving Mrs. Dennington and his -sister behind at the Hall, and he hadn't been gone more than a week -before Sir Henry Oxencourt turns up at the Hall. - -'Well, when I see him there, I was fair dismayed, for I kenned nicely -there was but one thing he could be wantin', for his repute in the -matter of women was notorious. Forbye that ancient gossip at Berlin -had always reported that he had been mad at missing his chance with -her, and had sworn he would win her back again--get her a divorce and -marry her himself at the finish. - -'His father had died since then, and he was now a rich man, and as -handsome and masterful a man as ever I saw in my life. - -'Well, he comes and he courts her the live-long day, quiet-like and -respectful, but never missing an opportunity, and she seems to enjoy -his company. They go out hunting together; she dares him to jump this -and he dares her to jump that, and so the play goes on, and all the -while I was fearing he was getting a fast hold upon her, for she liked -power and was tarr'ble ambitious, and Sir Henry, they said, might have -been one of the cleverest diplomatists in the world if he could but -have kept clear of women. - -'It was easy to see that he was just mad keen for her, but I was not -so sure after a bit that she was so keen for him. It seemed to me she -was leading him on, and leading him on, but with what purpose I -couldn't guess. - -'Well, one afternoon she comes to me and she says, off-hand like, "Sir -Henry Oxencourt would like to show me some new tricks of fence he has -learnt abroad; kindly see that the fencing-room is in order to-night, -and, by the way, I want to show him the pair of duelling rapiers, with -the silver foxes on the hilts, that Mr. Dennington is so fond of." - -'Well, all afternoon I wondered what it meant; for though her manner -was cool enough, there was something curious about my mistress's -expression as she gave her orders. - -'"If possible," I thinks to myself, "I'll have a peep also at Sir -Henry's tricks to-night," and as I polished up the rapiers that -afternoon I thought of the story the Squire used to tell of them. One -of them had a stain on the "foible" which would not come out for any -quantity of rubbing--it was the blood, the Squire said, of a certain -"Black Rutherford," who had made love to the then Lady Dennington when -her Knight was away fighting for King Charlie. Sir John comes back, -having heard about it, but says nothing, and asks him to dinner; they -have a game of cards after; Sir John accuses him of cheating, and -there and then in the banqueting-hall they have a set-to with their -rapiers before my lady's eyes; in five minutes Sir John disarms him, -and before the rapier touches the floor, runs him clean through the -right lung and out below the shoulder-blade. - -'Well, after taking in coffee that evening, I went to the -fencing-room, and on the pretence of looking after the fire, mending -jackets, straightening masks, and so forth, stayed on there till about -ten o'clock, when in comes Mrs. Dennington, followed by Sir Henry. - -'She gives a sort of start when she sees me, then she says curtly, -"You needn't stay, Carruthers," and walks past me into the middle of -the room. - -'Well, I felt bound to see that fencing, whatever it might be, and the -only way I could manage it was to go round and up to the old -musicians' gallery at the southern end. If I could open the door -without attracting notice, I might then lie down at full length and -see pretty well what was going on below. - -'It took me the best part of five minutes to open the door and squeeze -through, and when I had crawled to the ledge and looked over, the two -combatants were just about to begin. - -'"Put the letters on the mantelpiece," I could hear her say with a -curiously strung tone to her voice, and Sir Henry bowed in a mocking -sort of way. Then he says slowly, after having walked to the -chimney-piece and placed a packet on the shelf: "But it is not quite -fair, of course, for you cannot see your stakes, whereas I--I have -mine before my eyes at the end of my blade--the most beautiful stakes -in Europe," and he bowed again to Madame with an air of gallantry and -passion and arrogance all in one. - -'For reply the mistress only gave a quick nod with her head, nervous, -impatient, like a racehorse that must be away. - -'I daren't do more than peep over now and again, for the lights were -bright below, and I was afraid of being caught; but I could see that -she was in a state of great excitement, while he was cool in -comparison with her, and wore a proud, triumphing sort of air, as of -one who knows full well he has the victory in his grasp. - -'They walk to the centre of the hall and take their stands. They "take -length," and then salute--she, swiftly, nervously, he in a foreign, -bravado sort of fashion. - -'"First blood," says Sir Henry, "and the stakes are won," saluting -once again in a vainglorious way he had. - -'"Yes, but not for a scratch," replies my lady swiftly. Then they -cross rapiers, and the play begins. - -'My sangs! but it wasn't a play at all, it was a reg'ler battle, a -fair duello, and it was all Sir Henry could do to hold his own. They -had engaged in "quatre," and no sooner had blades touched than she -disengages and feints in "tierce"; then, with an amazing swiftness, -she disengages again, and lunges full at him in "sixte"; carelessly he -parries with "sixte," and in a flash she disengages again, "beats" his -blade downwards, and, for all but a biscuit, has him disarmed. He -loses hold of his weapon, his fingers slipping from the quillons, but -catches it in mid-air before it drops, leaps back a yard, parrying -another lunge clever with his left hand as he does so. - -'"'Tis a dirty Italian trick ye have learnt! they haven't improved ye -abroad!" my lady sneers at him. - -'Now, had she been but one flash of an eye quicker with her lunge -after the "beat," she'd have had him in "quatre" nicely, but she -hadn't thought she could disarm him so easy, and she just missed her -chance. Sir Henry, though, had had his lesson; he drops his careless, -tempting manner, such as a professor tries a beginner with, and fights -cooler and more careful, chucking his bravado airs, for it's dead in -earnest she is, and no mere stage-play for the gallery. - -'On she comes again like a tigress, evidently trying to "rush" him, -and back and back she presses him till the pair o' them's right under -the gallery where I was lying. I had my head right through the bars by -that time, I was so keen to see the fight, and it was only by stuffing -my handkerchief into my mouth that I could stop myself from shouting -advice and encouragement to her, she fought so desperate keen and with -such a wild-cat pluck. - -'It wasn't exactly scientific, her fencing, it was too rash and -all-for-victory straight away, but it was grand to see her flashing -her rapier in and out, flickering like a serpent's tongue, and all the -while her graceful limbs moved softly, swiftly, like a panther's, -beneath her silken evening dress. - -'Once Sir Henry's foot slipped, and in she comes like a knife, and he -only escapes by adopting another Italian trick--that of dropping with -the left hand to the floor. She still presses him harder than ever, -and I could hear her breathing hotly, "heck, heck," like an angered -hawk. Then swift he "binds" with her, but he does it over-viciously -and pays for it, for she's agile as a cat, and freeing herself with a -leap backward, suddenly with a lightning-like "cut-over" touches him -on the sword arm, and though he wouldn't acknowledge it, I knew she'd -pricked him, and I could tell that it had roused him to anger in his -turn. "You she-devil!" I heard him hiss between his teeth, and now he -turned to the offensive himself. - -'He was at a disadvantage, though, for he didn't want to hurt her -badly, being a woman, so he tries to disarm her, and give her some -slight wound on the sword arm, or high in "quatre" or "tierce." - -'That was no good, as I could have told him nicely, for she had the -strongest and supplest wrist of any woman ever I saw, and forbye that, -disarming can only be done by taking your opponent unawares, and she -kenned nicely what he was after. - -'Then sudden he gies it up, seeing the uselessness o't, and tries a -brute strength game, waits his chance till he can lift up her blade, -and then thrusts sideways so as to pink her high in the shoulder, but -she twists aside and it only just touches her through the sleeve. -"First blood!" he shouts triumphantly, "the stakes are mine," with a -low bow and a sweep o' the sword arm. "Phit!" she cries passionately; -"it's only a scratch," and she comes again at him with a bound. - -'Then he loses his temper a bit, I think, for his own sword arm was -bleeding, as I knew well, for I saw a drop or two of blood on the -floor and his hand was crimson forbye. So he comes to meet her, -quickly driving her back in turn, plying his rapier this way and that -fiercely, just missing her by a hair's breadth to frighten her, till -he could have her at his mercy, and then he tries a "cut-over" in -"tierce," swift as a meteor, pressing his "fort" strongly against her -"foible," and would have been home sure as fate had not his foot -slipped on a drop of blood on the floor. Up flies his rapier idly--she -with a sudden flip tosses it higher still, and with a leap, by Gox! -she ran him through in "seconde"--just above his right hip. - -'"Hurroo!" shouts I, through my handkerchief and all. "Clever, -clever!" for it was splendidly done--scientific, exact, just -perfection. - -'There Sir Henry lay in a swoon upon the floor, for no doubt the pain -and the shock together would be immense, while my mistress, she just -takes one look at him, then wipes her rapier swift upon her -handkerchief, takes up Sir Henry's also, and places them against the -rack in the armoury, takes down two foils, throws one on the floor, -breaks the other in two and flings the pieces down beside its fellow. -Then swift as ever she goes to the mantelpiece, takes up the bundle of -letters and chucks them into the fire. - -'She watches them burn for a moment, then presses the electric bell -close by, and just as John the footman walks in at the door Sir Henry -comes to himself, and lifts himself up on to his elbow off the floor. - -'"Help Sir Henry Oxencourt up to his room," says she, cool as a -cucumber, "and tell Carruthers to attend to him, and to send for the -doctor, if necessary. A foil broke as we fenced, and Sir Henry, I -fear, has suffered through the accident." - -'John stares with an open mouth, but a peremptory "Don't you -understand?" from his mistress wakes him up, and he goes and helps Sir -Henry up, who therewith slowly rises, and, resting one hand on John's -shoulder, without one word limps away. - -'The door shuts, and Mistress Dennington turns slowly to the fire, her -eyes glued to them letters burning blackly amongst the coals. As she -watches she takes a cigarette from a box on the mantelshelf, lights -it, and I heard her say to herself, "You fool!" then she smokes a puff -or two and again she says, "You fool!" and therewith taps her foot -smartly on the floor.' - -'But what do you think she meant by "fool"?' I here interrupted. - -'Well,' replied Jake slowly, 'I've often asked myself that very -question, and what I believe she meant was something o' this sort: -"Fool not to take your chance--and such a chance!--when you had it, -and Fool again, for not knowing me better than to think that of me -when 'twas too late."' - -'And now one more question,' I said, for Jake was preluding with his -weapon once again, evidently anxious to commence another bout. 'Did -you ever tell the Squire?' - -'No, not exactly,' replied he, 'but I gave him a hint, and bank-notes -wouldn't have bought that rapier after that, and there it still hangs -in Dennington Hall in the armoury, I believe, though I haven't been -there since the Squire died and I set up as a Ma[^i]tre d'Armes in -Oldcastle here. The mistress, though, she's still alive, but she never -cared for Northumberland--"so dull," says she, and goes and diverts -herself in London town. And now no more talk. Gardez-vous, M'sieur--en -garde, s'il vous pla[^i]t,' and with a smile he struck my foil upon the -floor. - - - - -'T'OWD SQUIRE' - - -'No, I never saw him, not the old Squire--"t'owd Squire," as they -called him; but grandfather, he was thick with him, bein' the oldest -farmer in the dale an' pretty nigh a gentleman hisself in those days; -he was master of the 'ounds, d'ye see, when they was a trencher-fed -pack--that was before Squire Heron took them over to t' new kennels at -The Ford. - -'Well, I done some pretty fair jumps myself at one time an' another in -t' ring or steeple-chasin', but 'twas nowt to what he done, not even -when a mare I was ridin' jumped over a wall an' fifteen feet into t' -quarry t' other side. - -'There's a pretty tidy place at t' bottom o' that field'--pointing to -a low-lying, marshy expanse on the left that rose at the end to a high -bank--'that he jumped one afternoon in cold blood which five out of -six wouldn't have touched in warm, but at t' end of his time he was -reckless--almost to touch on madness, so grandfather always said. But -if ye'll bide here three minutes till I've seen the mare looked to -properly I'll tell ye a tale of t' Squire--same as grandfather told it -me.' - -So saying Jack Skelton cantered round to the farm, where he was now -employed as horse-breaker and showyard rider, while I strolled down to -view the leap at the end of the field till he was free to join me. I -could see The Ford opposite to me as I walked along--a square keep -flanked with castellated wings rising proudly amongst its trees beyond -the winding river in a circle of fir-clad hills. - -'The old Squire's' daughter lived there now with her husband, who had -taken her name on his marriage, but they were childless, and the -ancient race of Herons seemed destined to become extinct. - -Arrived at the bank I saw a formidable gulf open below me, with a soft -and rotten landing on the further side, some fourteen feet across, the -space between oozy with marsh mud and choked drains. '"All hope -abandon ye who enter here,"' I quoted aloud, just as Jack Skelton came -up to me. - -'Ay,' he chuckled, 'it would be a job for a contractor to get a horse -an' man out o' that, an' after that I'll lay odds but the laundry-maid -would give her notice. - -'It was a great big, seventeen hands horse he had that he jumped it -with--an ugly devil to look at, light roan in colour, but up to any -weight an' absolutely fearless. All ye had to do, as grandfather used -to say, was to lay t' reins on his neck, and straight across country -he'd go like a bird. - -'He hadn't always been such a fierce one to go, hadn't t' Squire, and -what changed his temper was what I was goin' to tell ye. - -'There was a woman in it, d'ye see, an' that woman his wife. When -first they was married no couple in broad Yorkshire was happier, as -folk thought. She was a handsome lass and clever at book-larnin' an' -suchlike, ambitious, too, like the clever ones usually are; but at -first she was all for sport an' huntin', same as t'owd Squire, and -where he went she mostly followed him, bein' as well mounted as -himself. As for t'owd Squire, he was t' happiest man alive in those -days--used to slap grandfather on t' back an' cry, after a steaming -run, t' fox's mask in his hand ready to tie on to his missus's saddle, -"By ----, Skelton, but she's the straightest woman rider in England, -whether in or out o' t' shires." - -'Yet for all that his happiness was short-lived, for after a son was -born to him Mistress Heron seemed to lose heart for huntin'--her -narves, she said, had gone wrong with her; but grandfather always -upheld that she'd grown tired of her husband. She was a clever woman, -as I said, an' ambitious; an' 'twas reported that she'd been forced to -marry wi' t'owd Squire by her mother in Lunnon town--he bein' as rich -as "Creases"--whilst the man she really favoured hadn't a penny beyond -what his wits might bring him in. For a bit the excitement of huntin' -had been enough for her, an' spendin' t' Squire's brass, t' big house, -an' t' novelty; but after t' son was born she grew dissatisfied an' -took a dislike to her life. Consequence was that she took up with a -young man called Cunliffe, that lived over at The Tower--right away on -that hillside over there, about two miles west of us--ye can see it -against trees from Heronsford easy. - -'The place had been bought by his father, who made money in trade at -Ironopolis, an' he'd just got himself elected into Parliament, an' was -like to get on at it, 'twas said, bein' one of them ready-witted, -oily-tongued chaps that never go quite straight, but gallop along t' -roads an' sneak through gates, an' then swagger on at t' kill. Ay, -there's none "who-oops" an' "tally-hos" louder than them. - -'T'owd Squire, on t'other hand, was one of t' owd-fashioned sort, and -said what he meant always, an' clapped an oath on t' back of it; hated -Lunnon, an' Lunnon ways, lived for huntin' an' shootin' an' country -pursuits, an' drank a bottle of port wine reg'lar every evenin' to his -own cheek. He wasn't over well educated neither, havin' all his life -lived almost entirely at home; no scholar savin' a vast knowledge of -the stud-book, farriery, an' horse-breedin', which was a sort o' -larnin' that Mistress Heron didn't care a button about. Well, things -went gradually askew between the two, she always wantin' fresh company -in t' house, an' him hatin' society ways like poison. - -'Amongst others she took up with was this young Member o' Parliament, -Cunliffe, an' often he would be over an' dinin' with them; he could -sing a bit, an' she was fond of t' piano, an' they would play on -together in t' drawing-room while t' Squire sat over his mahog'ny -passin' t' bottle round, talkin' over t' 'untin', layin' wagers with -his own particular cronies of the red-faced, good-hearted, -rough-tongued, fox-'untin' Yorkshire style. - -'Well, t'owd Squire couldn't stomach young Cunliffe at all; for in the -first place he was a poor rider to 'ounds, never jumped owt if he -could help it, was a mean chap with his brass, an' had a supercilious -way o' talk about him that angered t' Squire fearful. Add to this that -he was always comin' over to sweetheart his missus, an' you can -imagine how ill the two men would agree. - -'Well, one night they was sitting playin' cards after dinner, an' -Mistress Heron was lookin' on at them. T' Squire was nowt of a -scholar, as I said before, but he had a good head for cards, an' loved -to take t' shekels off young Cunliffe, who hated losin', but was -generally the one who had to pay up. - -'It was a game they call Pickit they were playin'; grandfather told -me--for in after days t' Squire let out a good bit of his troubles to -my grandfather, havin' been playmates together, an' grandfather bein' -a god-child o' t'owd Squire's father beside that--an' Cunliffe bein' -flustered had forgot when it came to t' last two cards--there bein' a -ticklish bit at stake--what had been played previously. - -'He looked this way and that, then all of a sudden he catches Mistress -Heron's eye, sees something in it that tells him somewhat, claps doon -t' right card an' wins. - -'T'owd Squire, he keeps extraordinary quiet, just gives one swift look -round under his eyelids at his wife standin' there above him, an' says -softly, "Ye've a wonderful memory, Mr. Cunliffe," says he, at which -the other gets very red, an' begins to talk of getting home. - -'"Mistress Heron and I," says t' Squire, "were talking on this -afternoon about t' private steeplechase we're going to hold shortly in -t' Park here, an' she was all for layin' out t' course for first two -miles straight west till it almost touches Towers gates. 'It will just -take inside of ten minutes from t' Ford,' says she, 'to Towers turn, -and beautiful going all the way over grass with t' big jump an' t' -black beck in t' middle of it.' 'Ay,' says I, 'and that will stop one -or two that I know of--I'll lay a monkey.' 'Not a bit of it,' says -she, 'not a bit; an' I'll take evens with ye that everybody tries it.' - -'"Now, as Mistress Heron is going to ask ye to ride one of her -nominations for her at the race, it might be helpful to ye to have a -preliminary trial, an' as t' night is bright as day wi' moonlight, -perhaps ye'd like a ride home to-night across country, an' I'll lay ye -double of what ye've won to-night that ye don't get to your own -gate-ends in, say, twelve minutes from t' Ford's paddock. An' ye can -have your pick o' what's in my stable," adds t' Squire, as he looks -from one to t' other of them, "while Mistress Heron an' I will watch -ye from t' battlements an' take time for ye; or, of course, if ye're -afraid," he adds, as Cunliffe, hemming an' hawing, says something -about "not likin' to take a horse out at that time o' night," an' -dwells heavy on the words, "we can send ye home in the landau, like a -lady," says t' Squire. - -'"If Mr. Cunliffe accepts your proposal to ride a horse for me in the -steeplechase," interrupts Mistress Heron scornfully, "that is of -itself sufficient to falsify your insinuation." - -'"I shall be only too proud," cries Cunliffe at once, with a bow, "to -ride for Mistress Heron." - -'"Ay," says t' Squire, "an' t' night before a message will doubtless -come to say that Mr. Cunliffe has suddenly been called away on -important political business, an' he's much grieved to forego a -pleasure he had been so much looking forward to." - -'"You've said quite enough, sir," cries Cunliffe, red an' passionate; -"kindly have your horse saddled--t' light-roan one for choice; for I -take your wager an' will ride your horse home this night." - -'T' Squire goes out to t' stable himself, gives his orders, an' in -fifteen minutes' time t' horse is round at t' door. - -'"Ye'll be wantin' a switch likely," says t' Squire, as he shows him -downstairs, "an' if ye'll come into t' gun-room here, ye can take your -pick o' crops, or cuttin' whips, or what ye will." - -'T' room was dark, an' Cunliffe, he bumps up against a small pail o' -something an' upsets it on his trousers and all over t' floor before -t' Squire gets a candle lighted. - -'"Never mind, never mind that," says t' Squire cheerily, "it's just -nowt to matter; it's just for to try my hounds with to-morrow, an' -shouldn't have been there. See, there's t' whip-stand; take your -choice," says he. - -'Cunliffe, he takes a cuttin' whip, an' jumps on t' horse without more -ado, an' goes out into t' paddock with t' stud groom, who is to show -him where to start from when t' Squire shouts "off" from the roof of -the house. - -'A minute or two later t' Squire shows himself on t' battlements, and -Mistress Heron's there too, to see the sport. - -'"Are ye ready?" rings out t' Squire's voice. - -'"Yes," comes back t' answer. - -'"Then off!" he shouts down and drops t' handkerchief. - -'Away he goes at a full gallop straight across t' wide-spreading west -park-land, then draws rein a moment as he approaches t' haha with a -drop of five feet or so, perhaps. Just as he pulls up there comes a -faint "you-yowin'," as of hounds upon a scent, from around t' corner -of t' house. - -'"Whatever's that?" cries Mistress Heron quickly, as she catches the -sound of it. - -'"Why, it's t' hounds," cries t' Squire, with a stabbing laugh. "I -thowt it might help him t' jump t' black beck an' win his wager to -have t' hounds after him, an' so it will, for there's a bit aniseed -sprinkled on Gamecock's fetlock bandages, an' Cunliffe's stepped into -some himself." - -'"'Tis the deed of a savage!" says my lady, and with a proud contempt -of him she steps away from his side as far as t' battlements will -permit. - -'Away go t' hounds wi' riotous music hot upon t' scent; on, forrard on -they go, right over t' haha and up and across t' pasture beyond, at t' -end of which, and beside t' beck, Cunliffe was galloping up an' down -trying to find an easier place. It appears he hadn't, in his -excitement, taken notice of t' hounds giving tongue, or looked behind -him, but all of a sudden he perceives it, and halting his horse -stockstill, looks behind him. Then it seemed to flash upon him what's -up, and he forces back t' horse some twenty yards or so--first hounds -racing towards him about hundred yards behind--rams in t' spurs, cuts -him with t' whip, and claps him at it. Gamecock tries it bravely, and -leaping high into the air just lands on t' further bank, but short a -bit, and on t' soft edge, and pecks forward badly on his head, sending -Cunliffe somersaulting over like a shot rabbit. - -'"T' bet's won!" shouts the Squire, marking t' horse pick himself up -before his rider and gallop away by himself over t' far field; "t' -damned cockney cannot ride at all." - -'"Yes, you've won your bet," replies my lady, gathering her skirts -together and holding them close as she passes him by, "but possibly -you may have lost remembrance that you were born a gentleman," and -with that she proudly turns her back and sweeps away down t' stairs. - -'Well, t' hounds couldn't get across t' beck, and t' Squire's first -whip was ready wi' t' horn to fetch them back again; so Cunliffe was -safe enough, but sorely damaged an' bruised, an' 'twas a full week -before he left his house, when straight he goes abroad on foreign -travel. - -'Things gradually went on from bad to worse twixt t' Squire and -Mistress Heron after that night's play; she used to lament for Lunnon -an' its fashions, an' on t' last night of all she set t'owd Squire's -blood blazin' by sneerin' at "country yokels" and their drunken ways. - -'"Why, damn t' ----!" cries he, quite forgetting himself, and using a -word more suitable to t' kennels than t' drawing-room, "ain't we been -here since King Alfred? An' what can ye want more than that?" - -'Swift as fire she answers him, "One might wish that they were -gentlemen," says she, an' cold an' contemptuous she walks past him out -of the drawing-room and up into her own room, where she orders her -maid to pack up for her at once, an' 'tis but an hour later when she -drives away in t' carriage an' never sees t'owd place again. - -'Well, they separate by law, an' shortly after, when t' bairn comes to -live with his father, Mistress Heron gets much taken up with one of -those father parsons, famous as a preacher in Lunnon at that time. - -'Finally, she goes into a sort of retirement and becomes head of a -sisterhood shortly, which gets to be very famous for its Good -Samaritan sort of deeds. - -'Grandfather used to say that whatever she took up she would be sworn -to do better than anybody else. "Fox-'untin' she learnt clever in six -months' time, an' if ye can larn that ye can larn owt," says he. - -'As for t'owd Squire, he hunts harder than ever he had done before; -an' nowt, positively nowt, can stop him across country, nor liquor -stagger him, so that many thought he was heartier an' happier than -ever he had been before. - -'His son, as he grew up, was a bit trouble to him, certainly, as he -was a wild lad--just like himself, but with a touch of his mother's -pride, so that it was just as well when he went into t' army an' was -sent to t' Indies. - -'Well, time sped on, and t'owd Squire's hair was turnin' gray, when -news came that his wife--Sister Eva, as they called her--had died -suddenly in her retreat or convent. - -'Up goes t' Squire to Lunnon without a word, an' when the chief -mourners--all of them ladies of t' sisterhood, in their white -dresses--were liftin' up t' coffin ropes to carry it to t' graveside, -an' ancient gentleman, clad in a queer, long, bottle-green tail-coat, -with a high stock and beaver hat on t' back of his head, comes forward -an' quietly takes hold of t' head ropes. - -'T' sisters remonstrate with him, and ask him who he is. "Mesdames," -says he, "I was her unworthy husband," and he doffs his hat as he -speaks, and without another word spoken helps to carry her to her -grave. - -''Twas said that they were t' same clothes he had worn on his -wedding-day. - -'It would be some months after this that my grandfather was dinin' -with t'owd Squire, after t' opening meet of t' season. - -'"Here's to fox-huntin'!" cries he, after t' cloth was removed; an' a -bit later he rises solemnly in his chair, an' he says, "And here's to -a saint in heaven!" an' as he drinks it down grandfather sees a tear -tricklin' on his cheek. - -'Little by little he tells him all about t' quarrel and what had -completed it: "And she was right, by G----!" cries t' Squire at the -end of it, "as she always was, though I was too proud to say so then; -and now it's too late, for she's a saint in heaven." - -'That was the only time he spoke of her; but for all that, grandfather -said it was clear that he was just broken-hearted, was t' poor owd -Squire, even though five minutes after he was challenging him to ride -for a fiver when 'ounds should find on t' morrow's mornin'. - -'T'owd Squire never went better in his life, they said, than he did -that day; but just at t' close of it his horse made a mistake over -some timber, and he came a cropper in a ploughed field, with his horse -on top of him, and had three of his ribs broken. - -'It was a baddish fall; but though the doctors pulled him through he -never got the better of it, and was taken away before t' season was -out; and he was glad to go, was poor owd Squire, for he said he -believed she had forgiven him, but he couldn't rest till he knew for -certain.' - - - - -AN 'AMMYTOOR' DETECTIVE - - -'Tell me about that mysterious affair of "Tom the Scholar," and Jack -Jefferson's sudden death, and how you ran him to ground when suspicion -had given up the chase. If all I have heard is true, you ought to have -been at Bow Street, high up in the Criminal Investigation Department. -Tell me,' I said again, 'how you came to play the part of amateur -detective.' - -'There was nowt o' the ammytoor aboot it,' retorted 'the Heckler' with -aggressive dignity, 'it was a proper perfessional bit o' wark, an' the -pollis was fine put oot that they hadn't had a hand in it. Wey, there -was Scott, wor pollis; he came to us an' he says, "If ye had only -tell't me about it I could hev made a job on 't," says he, "'stead o' -lettin' him gan an' commit a fellor, d' y' see?" - -'"No," says I, "I divvn't see; it was him that done it, an' it was us -as copped him, an' if I hadn't taken it intiv hand, wey, thoo would -have still been usin' long words an' followin' up yor clue like an aad -blind man followin' efter his dog," says I, "for I've no sort o' -notion o' the pollis; they nivvor finds out nowt for themselves, ye -hev elwis ti tell them what it is ye want done, an' then at the finish -gan an' do it yorsel'." - -'No, no; the pollis is just what the lawyer chaps call "accessories -efter the fac'"--meanin' they comes up ti ye when aal's ower an' done -wi', like the bairns at the school-sports, each one expectin' a prize. - -'Well, as I was sayin', I copped "Tom the Scholar" aal maa lane, an' I -doot whether anyone else could hev done it but me. I had suspected him -a while back, for he was a mistetched[4] chap, ye ken, one o' the sort -that has a bit grudge against everythin', an' vicious same as horses -is sometimes, unforgettin', unforgivin'--just a nasty disagreeable -beggor, ye ken. - -'He was a scholar, though--"Tom the Scholar" they called him--an' was -aye busy wi' books, nivvor had his head oot o' them, whether at the -Institute or at aad Mistress Swan's, where he lodged. - -'Efter a bit he takes up wi' courtin' Mary Straughan, her who got -married on Jack Jefferson, an' I b'lieve she had a mind for him once, -but not for long, for he frightened her biv his strange ways, an' a -passionate way o' talk he had, an' she gave up walkin' wiv him an' -took up wi' Jack instead--a south-country chap that had come frae -Yorkshire--a big, burly, thick-headed sort o' chap, but tarr'ble -good-natured. - -'Well, Tom, he takes it varry badly, an' just before they gets -"called" i' church he tarrifies Mary wi' vague threats as ti what'll -happen if she dares ti wed wi' Jack. Noo, Tom was a "spirritualist," -ye ken, as weel as a scholar, an' he swears that the spirits forbade -the match, an' would be properly savage if they was disobliged. - -'She was a narvious sort, was Mary, an' she tell't Jack ov't, an' -Jack, he says, iv his queer clipp't Yorkshire way o' talk, "T' -spirrits be d----d!" says he; "an' if that softy Tom comes interferin' -'twixt thoo an' me, I'll make him softier than ever," he says, shakin' -a great big hairy fist that looked like a bullock's head. - -'Well, they gets theirsel's married wivoot askin' leave either o' the -"spirrits" or o' Tom, an' as nowt happened, an' Jack forbye was -tarr'ble lucky iv his cavils[5] just efter his marriage, even Mary -began ti laugh at the idea o' Tom an' his "spirrits" an' aal. - -'They was tarr'ble happy those two, an' I mind well hoo proud and -triumphant-like Jack looked as he slapped us on the back one early -summer mornin' as we went ti the pit on the fore-shift, for I was only -a hewer then, same as himsel', an' not what I is now--checkweighman, -an' half ov a magistrate as well, bein' vice-chairman o' wor lokil -District Council[6]--an' he cries, "Geordie," he says, "Geordie, man, -I's that happy I can scarcely haud myself in. There's nowt I couldn't -do. I could hew as much in one shift as any five men together in two; -I could lepp ower a hoos, I's that cobby. I could challenge wee Bob -Aitchison, t' sprinter, to a quarter-mile, an' lay t' fortnight's -wages that I'd best him too. I could sing, I b'lieve," he says, an' -wiv a solemn voice on him he adds: "Ay, an' I could even put up a bit -prayer--though I's not much ov a Churchman--almost as weel as t' -priest himself. An' I'll tell thoo why. It's because Mary tells me -that there's likely gawin' to be an addition to the fam'ly party -sometime shortly. She's a rare well-bred un, too, is Mary, an' I'll -lay it's twins." "I'll gie ye the best o' luck," says I, "but twins is -tarr'ble expensive, for I've tried 'em," says I. "Man alive!" cries -he, holdin' up his arm--a proper colossyum ov a limb--"look at that. -If that cannot win bread for a dozen o' twins, then a lighted candle -cannot fire gas," says he. - -'He was a fine brave man,' continued 'the Heckler' slowly, 'an' I can -see him still standin' on the heapstead, an' I mind hoo pleased he was -that he could hear a lark singin' high i' the air ower heid just as -the sun peeped up before we went doon i' the cage that mornin' for the -last time together--just as full o' life an' vigour he was as thoo is -noo--but for all that it was the last time I saw him alive i' this -world. - -'It was the vary next mornin' that he was killed, but I wasn't doon -the pit that day, for I had happened a bit accident the day before -through a shot that went wrang on us, an' I was laid up i' bed for a -week wiv a bandage ower my eyes. I bear the marks yet,' and he pointed -to some small blue punctures, not unlike shot marks, that the -gunpowder had left round about his left eyelid and cheekbone. - -'Aal I could hear was that he had been knocked doon biv a runaway -galloway pony that a lad called Harry Nicholson used to drive. Harry, -ye must ken, was a bit weak iv his intellectuals, hevin' been born iv -an ower great hurry like before his bit intellect had had time ti -ripen, through his mother's gettin' a gliff at an accident that had -happened her man doon the pit. - -'Well, Harry was a driver, as I said, an' he an' the galloway was -comin' doon an incline wiv a full tub, an' the galloway, hevin' -bolted, dragged the tub off the lines, an' came blindly tearin' along -this side an' that smash up inti Jack as he rounded an awkward corner. -He was fearfu' knocked aboot when he was picked up, they said, his -head bashed in bi the tub's wheels, an' there he lay, dead as mutton. - -'The crowner comes doon an' sits on the body, an' the jury bring it in -"Death by mis'dventure" slap off, bein' iv a hurry likelies ti get oot -for their dinners, an' there the whole thing would have ended wiv a -buryin' an' a gettin' up mevvies ov a bit subscription fer his missus -an' the bairn; ay, that's hoo it would have ended up had it not been -for "the Heckler." - -'I wasn't allowed oot by the doctor, sae I was just forced to think it -oot aal maa lane--mevvies havin' my eyes blindfolded helped us a bit; -anyways, I lay there quiet i' bed an' found I could think it aal oot -like Gladstone; ay, an' I tell thoo that Gladstone an' Horbert Spencor -together cudn't have thought harder than I did at that period o' time, -nor have pieced the puzzle together bettor than us. It sounds like a -bit brag, mevvies, but it isn't, by Gox! it's just the naked truth. - -'Well, there I lay between the sheets wi' my "linin's" on, detarmined -that if there had been any foul play nowt but death should stop us -frae findin' it oot. First thing I does is ti get the wife ti ask -Harry Nicholson in ti tea wiv us, so as ti hear aal aboot hoo it -happened. - -'Well, efter he has been well filled oot wi' tea, an' spice loaf, an' -jam an' aal, I gets him ti tell the whole story, an' then I axes him a -few supernumerary questions. - -'"Thoo'll ken 'Tom the scholar?'" I axes him--"him that's a stoneman -doon the pit, an' gans in for spiritualism an' sich like for his hobby -an' pastime?" "Ay," he says, "I ken him nicely. Wey, I been at some ov -his 'seeantics,' or whativvor it is he calls them, an' I have the -makin' ov a fine 'meejum,'" he says, "for I can parsonate folks ov aal -kinds, males an' females, wivoot any distinction o' sexes." - -'"Ay!" says I, interruptin' him wiv a sort ov admirin' surprise i' my -tone o' voice, "can thoo, noo? Wey, thoo's a clivvor one, that's what -thoo is." - -'"Ay," says he, quite enlarged at the thought, "an' there's some folk -says that I isn't quite right i' the head, but they couldn't parsonate -Alexander the Great--him that the sword-dancers sing aboot--like as I -can. Could they, noo?" - -'"No," says I, "not they. They're not scholars enough for that, an' -mevvies they would be gliffed at it as weel. Dis thoo nivvor get a -gliff at the spirits?" I axes, careless like. - -'"Not while I's parsonating, I divvn't, but whiles when I's doon the -pit I gets a gliff," says he; "it's sae dark an' lonesome i' places." - -'"Dis Tom ivvor try to make thoo parsonate doon i' the pit?" I axes -him, "for Tom, bein' stoneman, 'll come across thoo at times drivin' -yor galloway." - -'"Ay, I've seen him doon below," he says, "though he nivvor talked on -aboot parsonating, but usuallies passes us by wivoot sayin' nowt, for -Tom's a vary distant sort o' chap, thoo knaas." - -'"But sometimes mevvies he would speak wi' thoo when he passed thoo, -an' other folks wasn't aboot? Did he ivvor talk on aboot the spirits -ti thoo at all? That day the galloway ran away, did he speak wi' thoo -that mornin'? Mevvies he did, laddie, an' mevvies he told thoo not ti -speak aboot it lest the spirits wouldn't like it, or some such kind ov -argument," says I, insinuatin' it tiv him like one o' thae lawyer -chaps iv a wig. - -'"Ay, he spoke tiv us that mornin', sure enough, sayin' as hoo he -thought the spirits was vexed, for he had heard them callin' i' the -pit itself through the darkness, an' he wanted ti knaa whether I had -heard the voices same as himself or not. Well, I hadn't heard nowt, -nor had nivvor thought aboot spirits bein' doon the pit, but I gets a -bit gliffed myself at that, an' a bit later I ackshally heard them -speakin' aloud--sure an' certain," says he. - -'"Did they gliff thoo just before the galloway ran away an' ran ower -poor Jack Jefferson?" says I. - -'"Ay," says he, "I got a gliff then, for I heard the spirits' voices -shootin'[7] oot against us." - -'"Gox!" says I, "to think o' that, noo! Wey, thoo gies us a gliff an' -aal; an' what dis thoo hear them sayin'?" axes I. - -'"'Here's the parsonator,' they shoots out aloud, 'that calls us frae -wor rest. Lepp oot upon him, an' torment him! At him, Annexo!' or some -such ootlandish name,--'at him, spirits aal!'" - -'"Sae thoo starts awa' likelies wi' the galloway at a gallop, an' -couldn't get him stopped on the incline?" I axes him. - -'"No, no, I was ower flay'd mysel' ti do owt; but the galloway must -have gotten a gliff at something. I mind I thought I saw a flash o' -light just at the moment, an' the galloway he couldn't abide a sudden -light across his eyes, he was that narvious; or mevvies it was the -voice that gliffed him same as it did us; anyways, awa' aff he goes -wivvoot me, an' dashes aff doon the incline wiv us chasin' him an' -shootin', 'Woa, woo-h, Paddie; woo-ah, thoo daftie!'" - -'"An' hoo far behind him dis thoo think thoo was when he come to the -corner where he ran inti poor Jack? Did thoo see Jack theesel', or -hear him shoot out as the galloway butted him?" - -'"No," says he, "I nivvor seen him, an' I wasn't far behind the -galloway nowther, for as soon as the tub got awa' frae the lines he -couldn't travel vary fast, for it was loaded. Aal I could hear was the -bumpity-bump o' the tub, then smash inti the wall--smash--smash--an' a -crash as the tub swung ower an' dragged the galloway wiv it. I can -mind nae mair nor that, mistor," says he, at the end ov his tale, "for -I fell slap ower Jack Jefferson's body i' the darkness, an' pitchin' -full upon my head was knocked senseless, till they come along an' -picked us up. An' that's the whole story, Mister Carnaby," says he, -"an' I've done wi' the spirits, an' parsonatin', an' aal noo, for -they're treacherous things, there's nae doot aboot it," says he. - -'Weel, that was aal I could get oot ov him, sae I gives him some -sweeties an' lets him gan, biddin' him not let on that I'd axed him -any questions, ye ken, an' efter that I lay i' bed thinkin' it aal -ower an' makin' up a plan o' campaign for when "the Heckler" should be -up an' aboot again. - -'Efter aboot another three days I was allowed oot by the doctor wiv a -sort o' lampshade ower my eyelids, an' the next day bein' "pay -Saturday," an' the pit idle, I detarmines within my ain mind ti gan -doon maa lane an' hev a look round by myself; for it's no use trustin' -anyone else when ye've got a job o' that calibry iv hand, ye ken. - -'I kenned where the trajiddy had taken place, o' course, sae I -detarmines ti gan ti the spot an' make a sarious of obsarvations. -"First place," I says ti myself, "there winnot be much change i' the -surroundin's, for it's a new drift in by there that they are drivin', -wi' 'Tom the Scholar' an' his marrow, an' not many workin'; an', -secondly, it's damp there wi' the salt water oozin' in through the -rock, sae that footmarks will have a good chance ti stand a bit." - -'Noo, "Scholar Tom" had a tarr'ble large footprint, ye ken, an' it was -that I was i' search o', for I had my suspicions o' what might have -happened, an' I was convinced that that d----d, mistetched beggor was -at the bottom o' poor Jack Jefferson's sudden endin'--ay, an' -whenivvor I thought o' that fine, brave chap an' his bright face an' -his happiness, I says ti myself, "There'll be no rest nor pleasure nor -nowt for 'the Heckler' till the mystery's discovered; an' it's yor job -ti discover it," I says ti myself. - -'He was bound ti have been there, for, o' course, it was him as -shooted out that nonsense at Harry that had gliffed him, an' dootless -it was him that had flashed his davy i' the galloway's eyes. - -'Jack, d'ye see, would have been lousin' off frae his wark an' walkin' -doon the drift at that time when the galloway started off; but what -beat me was that Jack couldn't hev got oot o' the way i' time, bein' -fine an' active, grand at hearin' and seein', an' ne fool forbye that. - -'Noo, just when I had detarmined upon this i' maa mind a sort ov an -inspiration takes us aal ov a sudden. "Wey divvn't thoo take that -driver lad alang wi' thoo ti show thoo exactly where the trajiddy -happened?" it says tiv us just as thoo it was a real, genu-ine voice -i' my inside. "Sink me!" thinks I, "it's a tarr'ble clivvor idea, an' -sae I will." - -'"Has thoo anything else ti add ti that, Inspiration?" I axes it, an' -shortlies efter it says, "Divvn't thoo trust ower much ti what -Nicholson says, nor tell him o' yor plan beforehand, for he's i' Tom's -power, an' tarrified ov him," it says again. - -'"Gox!" thinks I, "but this is the champion; wey, I's as good a -spiritualist as Tom himself." - -'"There's one last question I must ax thoo," says I, for I hadn't -properly thought beforehand o' the difficulty o' gannin' doon the pit -on "pay-Saturday," an' that is: "Hoo i' the warld can us gan in-bye? -for thoo kens that naebody but the furnace-man, engine-man, an' -horse-keeper gans doon that day, an' if anyone else wanted ti, wey, he -would have ti get leave frae the manager, an' even then he would have -ti have a deputy alang wiv him. Answer us this, Inspiration," says I, -"an' it's a clagger for thoo, I's warned." - -'But, mevvies efter two minutes, it whispers back two words, "drift," -an' "beer." - -'"Drift?" I repeats, an' "beer?" An' then aal at onst I sees the -implication, for I kenned the lodge-keeper at the head o' the drift -nicelies, an', what's mair, I kenned what Sammy Cuthbertson, the local -preacher, calls "the joint iv his harness" still better. - -'Sae I gans up tiv him quietly, an' I says tiv him, "Geordy," says I, -"hoo much o' the best beer will five bob procure iv an emergency?" - -'"Five bob," says he, vary serious, "will buy aal but two gallons o' -the best bitter, an' d---- the emergency," says he. - -'"Dis thoo prefer it i' bottles, or iv a greyhen, or iv a pail--an' -aal at onst?" says I. - -'"Bottles is no use," says he, "wey, the corks alone will mevvies take -a pint ti theirselves. Na, na, gie it ti me iv a pail for aal-roond -drinkin'." - -'"Well," says I, "thoo shall have it iv a pail if thoo'll just let us -an' the lad here gan in doon by the drift for an hour ti investigate a -private matter o' wor ain--just a visit ov inspection. No harm done, -nobody need ken, an' up again within the hour, I'll promise thoo -that," says I. - -'Well, his face prolonged itself at that a bit. "But if it was -kenned," says he, "I'd get my notice." - -'"Nobody will ken but us three," says I; "an', look thoo, thoo shall -have the pail at yor dinner to-morrow forenoon," says I. - -'That did the business for him, I's warn'd, an' he promises ti oot wiv -his key an' let us gan in by. Poor chap, though, he got his notice aal -the same, though it wasn't my blame: it was because he was ower-greedy -an' thought he could get another pailful oot o' somebody else later. - -'Well, I says nowt ti Nicholson aboot gannin' doon the pit till the -vary mornin', and then I gans along an' catches ahaud on him, an' -says, "Ho-way,[8] thoo mun come along wiv us doon the pit, for I wants -ti see the place o' the accident myself, an' I hev arranged aboot -gannin' doon," I says. Well, he turns quite white at this, an' whines -an' cries not ti gan; but I was res'lute wiv him, an' tarr'fies him -wiv a hint ov a gaol if he winnot come doon and show us aal I axes -him. - -'Well, we went by the drift and straight doon ti the "Number 3, -North," or "Joan" district, as we call it worsels, an' there we gropes -aboot the trolley-way, just at the corner where the accident must have -taken place, an' searched for footmarks. - -'The lad, ye ken, must just have started frae the putter's flat wiv a -full tub, an' aboot thirty yards doon he must have been gliffed. -Hereaboots, iv a fenced place, Tom must have waited on Jack's "loosin' -off" frae his wark, an' another ten yards further on is where the -galloway must have run awa' off frae the rails. I had it aal mapped -oot ready i' my mind, an' it was just the details I had ti fit in wiv -it. - -'There was mair tramplin' aboot than I had expected, what wi' the -galloway's stumblin', the tub ploughin' alang through the dirt, an' -the footprints o' the search-party that had come up ti the scene o' -the casualty; but for aal that, I could see here an' there the marks -o' Tom's big shoes, wi' the extry broad plates at heel an' toes he -used ti wear. - -'Mevvies it wasn't ower much ti see, but it heartened us up, for it -conformed us i' wor opinions, especially the fact that wherever they -was visible they was close in by the wall-side, as if he had been -wishful ti hide himself as far as might be--a sort o' presumptuous -evidence against him, as the lawyers call it. - -'"I will have ti gan back ti bed again," I says ti myself, "ti think -it aal oot properly, for though I haven't a doot about it myself, I'll -have ti convince aal thae thick-heads o' judges at my lord's 'Size[9] -before I gets him properly convicted, sae I must have it aal pieced -oot an' put together like a bairn's puzzle-map." - -'Well, we was slowly makin' wor way oot o' the passage when I hears -something comin' up-by, creak, creakin' as it came. Weel, I's no -coward, I's warn'd, an' I'll face any man livin' that ye like ti -mention, but I got a fair gliff at that, for I couldn't make oot what -it might mean--Nicholson an' us bein' the only folk aboot doon there. -"Gox, it's Jack's ghost!" think I ti mysel iv a sudden sweat o' fear. -Sae oot at once I turns my davy (lamp), an' the lad's, fearin' lest he -might notice us, an' shrinks back inti the corner o' the wall as small -as could be, with the lad tremblin' aal ower next us. Efter a bit I -sees a wee glimmer o' light shakin' i' the darkness, then a shadow ov -a man behind it, an' slowly, vary slowly, as if seekin' something, it -mounts up the passage towards us. - -'"Hist!" says I ti the lad iv a thick whisper, "just smear your face -an' hands ower wi' clarts, or the ghaist will cop us," I says, an' -grabbin' a handful I clarts his face an' hands iv an instant o' time; -then I scrapes up a handful for mysel' an' aal, but i' reachin' oot -for a good fill o' clarts my hands struck up against a sort ov a heavy -bar o' some specie or other. - -'I gied a bit haul at it, an' awa it comes up inti my hands--a small, -heavy, but handy bit ov iron it was, mevvies about sixteen inches -long, wiv a sort o' knob at the end o't. - -'"I'll have a look at thoo later," says I, an' claps it inti my pocket -wi' the one hand, whiles I clarts my face wi' the other. Meantime the -creakin' thing was drawin' nigher an' nigher tiv us, but the light wiv -it was tarr'ble dim, an' I couldn't have given it a name. - -'On came the light an' the shadow, but the creakin' noise had stopped; -'stead o' that there was a squelch, squelch, as ov a man steppin' in -an' oot' o' mud. - -'It passed us biv a finger's breadth, an' I almost shouted aloud by -way o' relief, for it was a real live flesh-an'-blood man, wiv a -fouled davy, an' no ghost--for ghosts canna spit, I's warn'd. - -'"D---- thoo!" I was just aboot ti shoot at him, comin' flayin' folk -i' that fashion. "Who is thoo, thoo ----" when he stops short on a -sudden, just round the corner above us, an' talks tiv himself oot -loud. "Ay, it'll be just aboot here," he muttered, "that it fell," and -I could have let flee a yell o' delight that would have brought a fall -o' stone doon, for it was no other voice than "Tom the Scholar's" -himsel'. - -'"Thoo b----!" I says ti mysel', an' clenches my fist tight; "thoo -b----! but I's copped thoo noo." - -'"Tell ti me noo, Annexo," continues Tom, usin' the same furrin' sort -o' talk as he had ti the lad; "tell ti me noo where it lies--the -weapon that freed my destined bride frae unlawful arms. I mun hev it -back, for there's a d----d chap i' wor village that they call 'the -Heckler,'" he gans on, the impittent scoondrel that he was, "a daft -feller that's mad aboot dogs an' sic' like nonsense, but he has his -suspicions, an' mevvies might be dangerous, for he has been -questionin' my meejum, Nicholson, the driver lad. Speak then, Annexo, -speak, my beauty. Where lies my trusty weapon? Speak louder," says he -again, impatient like, "for I canna hear i' the darkness." - -'Just on that instant I gets another inspiration i' my insides, an' -wivvoot mair ado I whispers oot loud iv a fine, feminine, and -superfluous voice: "Search ti the right hand a bit lower doon, canny -man," says I, "an' thoo'll find what thoo is wantin'," an' I held oot -my hand ready ti grasp his wi' when he stretched it oot. - -'"Aha!" says he, quite gratified like, "sae thoo has found a voice, -has thoo?" - -'It was nigh pitch darkness about us, for his davy had almost gane -clean oot wi' the clogged wick, but I could feel his hands gropin' -towards us, an' I says ti mysel', "Another foot, an' a murderer's -copped!" - -'His hands came hoverin' ower mine, for I could feel the wind o' them; -in another second he touches us, an', grabbin' ahaud ov him by way o' -reply, I shouts oot, "Ay, here's Annex-us, thoo b----!" - -'The yell he let oot was fearfu', an', startin' back, he dragged his -arm oot o' my grasp, an' then leaped forward iv a flash, ducked past -us, an' awa off round the corner he fled, us efter him like the aad -bitch[10] efter a started hare. - -'He had dropped his lamp, an' it was darker nor Hell itself, but I -could hear him dashin' along i' front ov us at wondrous speed. Mad -keen I was, as I tore efter him ower bits o' balk an' stone lyin' -aboot doon the rolley-way, bended double sae as ti avoid the -roof-beams. Bang up against a door I comes, shakin' mysel' intiv a -jelly by the shock, but when I had it opened an' was through I could -still catch the sound ov his footfalls not far in front ov us. "He'll -have come a big bat hissel' against the door," I thinks ti mysel' as I -started off again, "ay, an' bein' before us he'll have aal the -obstacles ti contend wi' first ov aal. Huzza, ho-way!" an' I tore -efter him, a fair deevil for recklessness--makin' no doot he was for -the main rolleyway, an' sae oot by the main drift by which we had -entered the pit. - -'There came the thud ov another door, an' I gans a bit mair cautious -like, fendin' wi' my hands i' front ov us. Shortlies efter I notices -that the footfalls sounded fainter-like; they seemed ti be comin' frae -the left-hand side noo an' not i' front ov us. - -'Aal ov a sudden I minds mysel' ov a return air-way that would lead -oot by the main drift. "Gox!" I thinks, "thoo's hit the mark, but -where the openin' is I cannot mind, for it isn't travelled biv any one -barrin' the deputies. He passed the door i' front ov us, but bi the -sound he's ti the left hand ov us noo;" sae I felt along the wall till -I comes tiv an open way. "Ho-way," says I, mad ti think he might -escape us efter aal, "ho-way, thoo'll get him yet!" - -'On, on I went at a reckless speed, ti make up for my bad turn, an' iv -another minute I gied tongue like a foxhound, for I heard him pat, -pattin' on i' front ov us. "I's copped thoo!" I yelled through the -darkness tiv him, ti tarr'fy him, for I heard him stumblin' amangst -some loose props or gear o' some sort quite plainly, "I's copped the -murderer!" - -'Foot upon foot I gains on him; I hears him pantin' just a yard or two -i' front ov us. I grasps oot wi' my hands an' touches his shoulder, -an' he yells wi' terror, givin' a leap like a hare, an' slips frae -under my hands. - -'Doon, full length, doon I fell wiv a smash like a fall o' stone, half -stunned, my head like a night o' stars. - -'Suddenly there comes a yell o' horror--then a thud, a clump, clump, -an' a c-clush, an' then stark silence, an' doon, right doon at the -bottom ov a staple fifteen fathoms deep ten yards i' front ov us lay -aal that was left o' the murderer copped, clean copped, by "the -Heckler."' - - -FOOTNOTES: - -[4] 'Mistetched' = spoiled; of ill habits. _Cf._ Chaucer's 'tetch,' a -spot. - -[5] 'Cavil' = the quarterly ballot amongst coal-hewers for their -places down the pit. Seams differ greatly in quality and depth of -coal, and in ease of working. This is the miners' own rough-and-ready -method of adjusting the inequalities. - -[6] The chairman of a local District Council is _ex-officio_ a -magistrate. - -[7] 'Shootin'' (shouting). 'Shuttin',' on the other hand, would mean -shooting, whereby quaint confusions have occasionally arisen. - -[8] Come along. - -[9] The Assizes. - -[10] Viz., Bonnie Bella, a famous greyhound of 'the Heckler's.' - - - - -'IN MEMORIOV'M' - - -'Ay, that's what 'tis,' replied 'the Heckler' to my query, 'it's an -"in memoriov'm"--Latin, ye ken, meanin' in memory ov him. The words is -alike, mevvies, but it's Latin language, I's warn'd, an' I howked it -oot upon that headstone myself wiv a clasp-knife.' - -I knelt down upon the sandy dune and brushed aside the bents that -nearly covered the squat gray stone with their long lashes, and -eventually deciphered a straggling array of figures which for their -illegibility would have enraptured an antiquary. - -'It was just below us,' continued 'the Heckler,' 'that I found his -cap, an' thinkin' him drooned, an' him bein' a favour-yte wi' me, I -just put up that bit stone for him an' carved his initials on it, an' -the Latin, an' G. C., that's for us, "the Heckler," ye ken, his mark. -But it was a false alarm efter aal, an' noo that Jim Hedley's a Right -Hon. Lord Mayor oot iv Australie, I's warn'd but when he's put under -the sod he'll hev a hearse an' four horses an' a proper musulyum' -(mausoleum) 'tiv hisself.' - -'What made you think he was drowned?' I inquired. 'Did you think it a -case of suicide?' - -'Ay, o' course I did; we aal did that, an' not wivvoot reasons,' -responded 'the Heckler,' 'for he was full o' misery at that time, an' -wanted ti get shot o' the whole lot ov it. Jim was a fine, tall, -proper lad--"bonny Jim" the lasses called him--wunnerfu' handy, too, -iv aal sorts of ways, an' as for behaviour, wey, he could talk ti my -lord as canny as tiv a pot-boy. - -'Well, wiv aal these gifts o' fortune it wasn't surprisin' he got -hisself sweetheartin' wiv a young, bonny, quiet-faced lassie, daughter -ov aad Sheepshanks, the farmer, close in by the village. - -'It was a bit lift for Jim, for she had some brass, but aad -Sheepshanks, he tries to forbid the "callins"' (banns) 'i' church; -"for what's a pitman," says he, "that a farmer's daughter should marry -on?--a dirty-faced, drunken, dog-lovin', gamblin' chep," says he; an' -a lot o' gob o' that kind, ye ken, bein' a red-hot Tory wiv a lot o' -Noah's-ark kind ov ideas iv his head. - -'The lassie didn't think that, though; she just warshipped Jim, -followin' him aboot wiv her eyes everywhere, just like the aad bitch' -(here he nodded towards the greyhound beside him) 'does "the Heckler." - -'Well, they marries an' has a bit fam'ly, an' Jim gans ahead quick; he -was marrow' (mate) 'wi' me as a hewer yence, an' then he becomes a -deputy, an' bein' a great reader an' a gran' speaker, there was some -talk o' makin' him wor Member o' Parlyment when he got a bit older. -Well, it had aal been plain sailin' for Jim so far, an' everybody -thought his success was sartin, but he soon came tarr'ble nigh makin' -a tragedy ov hisself, poor chap. - -'There was a young widow woman came ti live doon here at the Prospect -House ower there. She'd been married on a fat old chap that had made a -lot o' brass i' the toon i' publics, an' they used to come here for a -bit i' the summer, an' when he died she comes doon ti the "Prospect" -ti bide for good an' aal. - -'I sometimes think,' continued my companion after a slight pause, -'that it's a sair pity folks isn't sometimes drooned like kittens or -"put under" same as dogs that turn oot no use. It wud save a lot o' -misfortunes an' misery, I's warn'd, an' unless ye drooned a Gladstone, -or a John Wesley, or mevvies even a "Heckler," the world would be aal -the better o't. - -'Anyways, she should have been drooned slap off as a babby, for she -was a rank bad un--just rank bad ti the bone--an' when a woman is bad, -she's just the devil's own viewer[11] or deputy, by Gox! - -'She had been on the stage, 'twas said, at one time, an' there was -queer stories aboot her, so that the gentry-folk aboot here would have -nowt ti do wiv her, sae she had aal the better opportunity ti play her -tricks wi' Jim. - -'She was free wi' the brass, ye ken, an' give subscriptions awa for -the askin', providin' she had her name an' address clagged up large on -the play-bills, an' was a champion at gettin' up concerts for wor -Mechanic Institute an' such-like entertainments. - -'That was hoo she first got a hand upon Jim, for he had a gran' -voice--a perfect champion at harmony he was, an' she just buttered him -up properly. It was "Oh, Mr. Hedley, an' what a fortin ye would have -made in the Opera!" "Sing it again, Mr. Hedley, it's fair ravishin'," -an' so she carried on till she had him awa to practise duetties wiv -her at her hoos, an' made him stay ti supper wi' glasses o' wine tiv -it--yellow shampain wine that'll set your brain iv a froth, I b'lieve, -an' at the finish she has him just drugged wiv her enchantments. - -'There was one night I mind I was oot walkin' an' chanst ti pass by -alang that road there that leads past the hoos--the trees wasn't grown -up then, ye ken, an' I could spy a bit in through the windie, which -was open on the night--it bein' summer then, d'ye see. - -'She was settin' beside the pianner playin' pretence wiv it, an' -castin' up white eye-glances at Jim soft-like, noo an' again, with a -sort ov insolence, too, as though she kenned her power ower -him--drawin' oot the very marrow an' soul ov him wiv her perfections. - -'She was aal clad i' silks an' satins, like a play-actress--her bosom -gleamin' wi' jools, an' Jim was leanin' against the pianner gazin' at -her, fair drunk wiv her blandishments. - -'I cuddn't stand by an' just do nowt ava, sae I let fly a yell upon -the night, "Ho-way home ti thy own lawfu' missus, an' leave that -d----d hussy alone." - -'He gave a sudden start at that, an' leaps round ti the windie, claps -it ti wiv a smash, an' pulls the curtains ower it. - -'Well, I kenned then by that token that it was aal ower wi' Jim. She -had him fast, an' nowt could be done, for interferin' i' them cases is -warse than useless; but I was sair, sair grieved for him an' his wee -quiet bonny-faced wife, an' I walked awa home callin' that woman aal -things I could lay my tongue ti under heaven. - -'Things went gradually from warse ti warse; he neglected his work an' -avoided his wife, an' he became tarr'ble violent iv his temper, an' -nigh offered ti fight me yence when I tried ti argy wiv him upon his -foolishness. Well, the crissis comes one night when his wife follows -him ti the Prospect Hoos an' walks straight inti the drorin'-room -where him an' the other woman was. He'd just been threatened by the -viewer, d'ye see, wi' gettin' his notice if he didn't pull hisself -tegither, an' knawin' things were aaltegither wrang wiv him, he just -gans slap off ti the woman oot o' pure recklessness, for he was none -o' yo'r half an' half gentlemen, an' as he was gannin' ti the deevil, -wey, he wud gan wiv a brass band, ye ken. - -'His wife comes in upon them like a ghost, an' never heedin' the other -woman, cries tiv him, haudin' oot her arms for him, "Oh, come back, -Jim, come back; divvn't break my heart!" - -'Jim says nowt, but glares moodily on the ground, an' there's silence -for a bit. Then the woman begins ti laugh saftly tiv herself, eyein' -Jim's missus scornfu' like frae top ti toe standin' there, small an' -shabby-dressed an' tearfu', an', "Wey doesn't thoo gan?" says she, -"here's yo'r hooskeeper come ti fetch thoo home!" she says. - -'Jim gies a start at this an' looks up wi' blazing eyes at his -temptress, then he says tiv his wife, "Gan home, Mary, gan home; this -is no a fit place for thoo," an' sae she gans awa softly, weepin' like -a desolate bairn. - -'Soon as the door shuts he turns upon the other woman, an' he says -sternly, "This is the end o't, Susan; I'm gannin' awa' an' ye'll never -see me mair. You've plenty brass, an' can fend for yo'rself. I've -given thoo my life, an' I can do nae mair; sae good-bye, my lass, for -ever an' aye." - -'But she rushes tiv him, an' clasps her arms roond aboot his neck an' -sweethearts him an' swears they must get married; but Jim, he puts her -quietly awa', an' wiv a stone-set face gans oot o' the hoos an' -straight for the shore. - -'Tossin' his cap on ti the ground, he walks right inti the waters an' -begins swimmin' oot, right oot inti the sea, there ti droon hissel' -an' his troubles straight awa. - -'Well, mevvies he was ower strong ti be easy ti droon; mevvies the -cold water cleared his mind a bit, an' he thought shame on hissel' ti -leave wife an' bairns ti shift for theirsels; anyhoo, as he said -efter, when he saw the red light of a little schooner ridin' waitin' -for the tide off the harbour, a thought cam intiv his brain, "Wey not -gan right awa an' make a fresh start iv a fresh place?" - -'The thought grows on him, an' he swims oot ti the schooner just as -she was standin' awa for London town, an' he hails her an' is taken on -board i' the nick o' time. Another minute an' she would have been oot -o' sight an' hearin', an' Jim would have been a corpse in another ten -minutes, I's warn'd. - -'Well, nowt is heard ov him for months an' months. "The Heckler" -carves an "In memoriov'm" on that headstone; his missus gans inti -"blacks," an' the other woman leaves the Prospect Hoos an' gans right -awa from these parts. - -'One day though, Jim's missus comes alang tiv us cryin' an' laughin' -aal at yence, haudin' up a letter and kissin' it between whiles. "It's -from Jim! Jim!" she cries, "an' Jim, sweet Jim, he kept hissel' alive -for me an' Jackie an' Sal! Oh, he loves me yet, my Jim!" - -'Well, it seems as hoo he had gan oot tiv Australia, an' efter a bit -wanderin' had gettened hisself a very canny sitivation at a gold mine, -an' he sends aff at yence for his missus an' bairns, an' a week later -awa they starts. - -'They finds Jim doin' first-class when they gets there, an' he went -ahead like a hoos-o'-fire as soon as he gets his missus an' bairns -back tiv hissel', an' the past wiv its clartiness was just clean wiped -out between them. - -'An' noo he's the Right Honourable the Lord Mayor o' Ballarat, or some -such place, an' cannot mak' enough ov his missus and bairns, they say. - -'There's some women mevvies,' added 'the Heckler' in conclusion, 'who -wouldn't have pardoned their man, but she was one o' the sort that are -just faithfu' ti death--nowt can tarr'fy them aff, an' it's fair -providential that it should be so, for there's many men noo livin' who -wud just have been iv hell lang syne else.' - - -FOOTNOTE: - -[11] Manager. - - - - -'THE HECKLER' UPON WOMENFOLK - - -'Men are kittle cattle enough,' replied 'the Heckler' oracularly, from -his position of vantage on the top of a gate, to some question of mine -concerning an indignation meeting held recently to protest against -some matter about which no two people could give a like account; 'but -they're nowt ti what womenfolk is. Ye can get roond most men easy -enough if ye've a bit tax.' - -'Tax?' I queried aloud, somewhat mystified. 'What tax? not rates an' -tax----' - -'Gan on wi' thoo--rates an' taxes be d----!' retorted the oracle -swiftly. 'No, nowt ti do wi' them things; just tax, or tacts, mevvies -it is, meanin' a pleasant way wi' ye, a bit touch o' the cap when the -manager's vext wi' ye, a turn o' management when a drunken man wants -ti fight ye for nowt at aal, ye ken, an' sae forth. Wow, but ye can -fettle most things amangst men wiv a little o' that social lubricant, -but wi' women it's different aaltigether; tax is nae use wi' them; -it's just throwin' pearls before swine.' - -'Holloa!' I interrupted again. 'What would the missus say to that?' - -'Not hevin' heard it, she'll say nowt,' retorted 'the Heckler' -severely. - -'Well, as I was aboot to say when thoo forgot theeself, and disturbed -the meetin' wi' yor interruptions, most men has foibles--some's -dog-men like myself, some's book-men, some's gard'ners, some's -beer-barrils, an' sae forth, an' if ye mind this ye can get what ye -want usuallies oot o' them. But women's a different breed aaltigether. -They divvn't care for the same things as men, an' ye cannet get roond -them, I's warn'd, for they elwis gets roond ye instead. A man has no -ambitions till he's married, Maistor John. Mevvies he's keen aboot -this, an' that, an' 'tother thing, but that's nowt. Noo, woman's just -chockfull ov ambitions aal her life long, an's nivvor, no, nivvor, -satisfied from her cradle tiv her grave, an' even then she's wantin' -fower horses tiv her hearse. Tak' a wee girlie for an instance: she's -elwis wantin' new claes; then she's wantin' a man, then bairns, then a -hoos ov her own, then a better cloak than Mariarann nex' door; an' -when she gets them aal she's not satisfied, not one little bit, but's -warse than ivvor. - -'Noo I'll gie ye an instance o't. - -'Ye'll dootless mind havin' seen or heard tell ov Tom Archbold, yence -fore overman here i' the aad pit, a great, big, buirdly man, champion -hewer o' the colliery at one time, who aye took the lead i' the -village at every bit sport, an' carry-on, an' jollification that might -be gannin' on at any time. - -'Well, there was a little wee bit lassie ov aboot twenty-five years ov -age, who had been married yence, but had lost her man iv an accident -doon the pit--a fall o' stone, ye ken--an' nae sooner has she buried -him than she's on the look-oot for anither mate. - -'Well, bein' the littlest woman i' the village, she natorally--such -bein' woman's human nature--tak's a fancy for the biggest man iv it, -meanin' Tom Archbold, an' she gans for him straight awa. - -'Ye'll hev seen a setter dog workin' for a partridge or a rabbit iv a -rough grass field, mevvies. Weel, it was just the same method o' -procedure wiv her. She gets a scent o' what she was wantin'; she draws -upon him up wind; then she gets a tip-toe, steals tiv him till her -breath's fair upon him, an' the man's done--fair done--clean copped, -and it's "for better an' warse till death do us part." - -'So it was wi' Lizzie an' Tom. - -'Tom was a weeda (widower), an' on the look-out for anither missus, -an' havin' had a great big woman for his first--a proper marrow ov -himself i' size an' shape--an' not havin' been ower well satisfied wiv -his venture, he thinks he'll try a smaller article for his second -lott'ry. - -'Well, Tom was elwis very free an' open wiv his conversation, an' -mevvies Lizzie, she gets ti hear ov it; but she pretends ti tak' no -notice o' Tom when she passes along the Raa,[12] or meets Tom i' the -street. She just sails past him, noo wiv head i' the air, again wiv -her eyes upon the ground, mournfu' like for the loss of her man, an' -Tom becomes quite bewitched by her manners, for she was a fair -contrast wiv Bella, who had ti tarrify him wiv a summons from the -pollis at the finish before she could get him ti marry her i' chorch. - -'Well, she bags him clivvor at the finish, an' they gets theyselves -married wivoot more ado. - -'A week efter comes "pay-Friday,"[13] an', natorally, quite apart from -the "celebration of his nuptials," as the newspaper cheps say, he gets -hissel' as boosy as can be, what wi' standin' treat, an' bein' treat -an' aal, an' efter closin' time it was wi' some difficulty that me an' -my marrer gets him along home. - -'We knocks on the door, an' we assists him in, an' he staggers up tiv -his missus, who was sittin' iv her armchair knittin', an' tries ti gie -her a bit chuck under the chin. "Ho--way----," he stutters, "Lizzie, -maa lass, an' put us ti bed!" an' stoopin' down iv a staggerin' way ti -kiss her loses his balance, an' flops doon unexpected on the floor. -"Ye needn't wait," Lizzie says tiv us, haughty-like, takin' no notice -o' Tom, an' sae oot we gans, an' leaves them. But we just stops a -minute ootside ti hear Lizzie gie him his gruel; an', wow! but she let -him have it, an' no mistake! "Thoo great flamin' drunken lubbert!" -says she, "comin' home ti my hoos at this time o' night, drunk as a -lord, an' only been married a week!" she cries. "Thoo mun just get -used wiv it, maa lass," says he solemnly from the floor; "for aa elwis -gets drunk reg'lor on a pay-Friday; an' it'sh maa hoos thoo ----, for -aa's maistor," he says, thinkin', mevvies, he mun assert hissel' even -if he has had his gills. - -'"Put thoo ti bed?" cries she. "Wey, I'll not touch thoo, nor let thoo -touch me nowther till thoo's sober again, an's begged maa pardon." - -'"Pardon-sh?" says Tom, an' laughs, fair amused by her impittence. -"Wey, if maa legs wesn't sae wambly the night, I'd larn thoo a lesson, -thoo ----" - -'"Get up, an' try, thoo sponge o' beer," she says, an' snaps her -fingers iv his face. "Get up, an' try," cries she again. "I daur thoo -ti;" an' she actually has the impittence ti stir him wiv her foot. -Just fancy that! A yard an' a half o' petticoat, fair insultin' upon a -proper mountain ov a man like Tom! The door was a bit open, d'ye see, -an' my marrer an' me could see them two comics quite plain. - -'Well, Tom, he thinks things is comin' tiv a pretty pass if his missis -is gannin' ti clean her boots on him efter a week's marryin'; so, much -against his will, he pulls hissel' tegither, an' by the help o' the -bedpost gets on his feet. - -'"Wey," cries Lizzie again, lookin' him ower mair scornfu' than ever, -"thoo's as unsteady on thy feet as a horse wi' the staggers!" she -says. "I could knock thoo doon wi' one finger!" - -'"I bet-sh a sovereign thoo cannet; ay, an' anither that I'll drive -yo'r lugs reet intiv yo'r heid wi' one bat o' my fist," says he; an' -he puffs hissel' oot as he searches for the coin, an' spits on his -hands iv a preliminary sort o' way. - -'Then, sudden, she comes up tiv him, gies him a tap wiv her -forefinger, unexpected like, straight on the breast, an' Tom, taken -unawares, lurches backward, catches his foot iv a bracket, crashes -intiv a chair, an' falls wiv a tarr'ble thump an' a racket of -furniture straight on ti the flaggin'. He gies a little lift ov his -head as he looks up in a dazed way for a moment from the floor. Then -he says, sinkin' back again, "There's been a fall o' stone; gan an' -fetch the depity," he says, then sort o' dwams (swoons) awa. - -'Lizzie, she looks him ower for awhile, cool as a policeman wiv a -lantern, then lifts a pillow off the bed, an' puts it under his head -as he lies stretched upon the floor. Next, she takes the boots off her -man, an' sae leaves him ti bide where he lies, whilst she gans ti bed -her lane. - -'Next mornin' Tom feels hissel' as sick as a bad bat o' the head an' a -wambly stomach can make a man, an' "lies in" while his missus gies him -warm things ti drink, an' tends him like a bairn. - -'Well, she has him properly caught, for he has ti lie there idle the -best part ov a week, an' cannet work for another week efter that, the -skelp he'd got frae the fall bein' a serious affair, as it seemed. - -'When he gets up again he was sae savage at the chaff he gets aboot -bein' knocked doon biv his missus that he gans back tiv his hoos iv a -hurry, tak's off his belt, an' is gannin' ti strap her within an inch -ov her life, when she says, "Tom, an' who was it that's been nursin' -thoo this last fortnight?" An' she axes it quietly, facin' him wivoot -a tremor, her eyes fixed upon his. - -'Tom stands there wiv his arm uplifted; but though he was hot ti -strike her, somehoo or ither, as he said efter, he was fair bested if -he could manage it. - -'Well, that was aboot the beginnin' an' the end o't, for she'd -conquered him properly, an' Mister Six-Foot-Two soon found oot he'd -got a proper taskmaster for his missus, even though she was but a yard -an' a half high, an' looked as though ye could have snapt her across -yor arm. She didn't knock him doon again, but she was elwis surprisin' -him inti startin' things, an' when he tired ov it she would scorn him a -bit, an' ask, "An' what's the good o' bein' a strong man if ye cannet -show yor strength? Any fool can get drunk," says she, "an' lose his -brass bettin'; but thoo's a strong man, Tom, I's warn'd, an' I've bet -Ned Lee's wife a dollar that thoo can walk past the Pitman's Arms on -pay-Friday night wivvoot ever lookin' inside!" - -'Well, that was the way o't i' Lizzie's case. She soon had her -Samson's locks clipped short, an' iv a few years' time he becomes a -depity, a back overman, an' finally fore overman, has a hoos ov his -own, an' a whole raa (row) o' cottages. - -'Some has different ways from others,' reflected my companion, -further, 'but aal womenfolk's ambitious.' - -'Noo, tak' my own case--"the Heckler's"--when I got married on the aad -lady there was no nonsense aboot the business. "Ho-way," I says, "will -ye tak' us, Betty?" for I kenned nicely beforehand she was the right -sort for us, havin' obsarved her previous, an' walked oot wiv her a -Sunday night or two. "Ay, an' I will, Geordie," she says thankfully, -an' as meek as skim milk; but for aal that I've been got the best o' -lots o' time biv her ambition, an' noo, here I is, wiv a fam'ly o' -seven, an' the missus insistin' upon Harry's--that's the eldest boy, -ye ken--gannin' ti the Grammar School ti parfect hissel' as a scholar. -Ay, wor Harry's a proper scholar, I's warn'd, but schoolin's tarr'ble -expensive. - -'An' noo, I'll just gie ye this bit advice, Maistor John. Divvn't thoo -get married unless thoo marries a heiress, for, I tell thoo, aal -women's ambitious, an' ambition's a tarr'ble expensive hobby. - -'Gox! yes, just fearful, Maistor John.' - - -FOOTNOTES: - -[12] Row. - -[13] Pitmen are paid fortnightly on the Friday: the following day is -'pay-Saturday.' Non-pay-Saturday is known as 'baff-Saturday,' the -derivation of which no man knows to this day. - - - - -THE 'CALEB JAY' - -(THE 'QUEL OBJ[^E]T') - - -I. - -The 'Caleb Jay'[14] was not, as his nickname of itself might testify, -popular in our pit village of Black Winning. His appearance was -against him in the first instance, and he continued to be shy and -reserved even after you might be said to have made his acquaintance. -Reserve is unpopular in any society, but in the lower social grades, -where life is of a freer and more hearty character than in the -propriety-loving circles of the well-to-do, it may be said to be one -of the 'seven deadly sins.' - -There was no reserve about Tom, his elder brother, who was a -good-looking, idle, somewhat dissolute youth of twenty-three years of -age. - -Tom was always ready to 'stand in' for a 'ha'penny loo,' never -flinched from a 'bout at the beer,' could throw a quoit well, when his -eye was clear and his hand steady, and was never at a loss with the -lasses. - -Tom, therefore, was a general favourite, being 'well ta'en up wi'' by -all save a few of the more serious-minded people; and 'Caleb Jay' -suffered, I think, partly through contrast with his brother. - -'Caleb Jay' had been injured when working as a putter down the pit, -and consequently was 'game of one leg.' He wore the cast-off finery of -his brother, the coloured scarves and embroidered waistcoats of his -festive occasions--out of economy, no doubt, but some said 'oot o' -foolishness.' - -Certainly they did not suit well with his sallow complexion and thin, -peaked countenance, and with the big and weary eyes. - -He worked now at any odd job he could find. He had the care of the -viewer's strip of kitchen garden, and went round with papers, etc.; -but it was not much that he earned, apparently, for his mother, who -doted on her handsome son Tom, was often heard to complain that he -wasn't worth his keep. - -He had a strange way of mysteriously disappearing for some days on -occasion, sometimes even for a week at a stretch, and sundry persons, -annoyed perhaps by his reticence, hinted at secret dissipation. - -If closely questioned, he would admit having had a 'job i' the toon,' -or 'ower away yonder,' pointing vaguely this way or that; and gossip -had at least this confirmation for its uncharitable suspicion, that he -always returned pale, tired and haggard-looking. - -Some of the boys had tried to 'nab' him either coming or going on one -of these expeditions of his, but he was 'cuter nor a cushat'[15] as I -overheard a sporting youth lament who had followed him in early -morning all the way to Oldcastle, and there in the suburbs had -suddenly lost him just on the brink of discovering the secret. - -Gradually we became accustomed to his flittings, and he was spied upon -no more; but for my own part I thought I had, by a comparison of the -times and seasons of his absences, at least discovered this much--that -he was usually away at the incidence of fairs and festivals. - -I think I knew him more intimately than any other person in the -village, except, perhaps, our Methodist minister, who never rested -till he had succoured any who might be in 'sickness, sorrow, or -distress'; but to neither of us, I found, on comparing notes, had he -ever vouchsafed any confidences. - -The only way in which I eventually discovered I could be of any use to -him was by lending him books. He was extremely fond of reading, and -had a special taste for dramatic poetry, which he occasionally -gratified by coming to my lodgings, and there devouring the historical -plays and tragedies of Shakespeare. - -I had once or twice on these occasions endeavoured to extort from him -the secret of his absences, but the only result had been an increased -reserve on his part, followed by an almost immediate departure from my -presence, so that I had soon desisted from further questioning him on -the point. - -At the same time, I confess I entertained a lingering hope that I -might one day be able to penetrate the mystery; for mystery of some -sort I was convinced it was, though not of a vulgar kind. - - -II. - -It so chanced that I was detained in Bridgeton on the day of the -annual fair and hiring, and having two hours to wait for my train, I -determined to pass the time away by noting the humours of the -festival. Farmers' wives, laden with 'remnants' and cheap bargains in -the hardware line, were slowly surging through the throng, towards the -various publics, in search of their 'men' and the 'trap.' Hinds, male -and female, having now 'bound their bargains' with their masters, were -coasting round the booths and stalls, 'putting in' at all the -ale-houses they passed in their uncertain voyaging. - -The men were somewhat sheepish still, not having taken sufficient beer -on board as yet to lose the shyness of the countryman in town. They -confined themselves to chaffing one another, to casting stray glances -at their sweethearts, who tittered in their wake, and to offering, -when moved to gallantry, 'anuther glass o' yel.' - -A squad of pitmen here and there, their customary rivalries heated -with liquor, were challenging each other noisily at the various -'try-your-strengths' and 'prove-your-powers' that were anchored in the -corners of the market-place. - -My attention was next attracted by the clash of cymbals and flamboyant -drum-drubbings. ''Ere y'are, ladies and gents, 'ere y'are! Yo'r friend -an' acquaintance Bob Stevens, wiv his high-class dancin', trapezin', -Shakespearian an' variety entertainment!' - -The great flaring gas-brackets, with their smoky tongues stabbing the -darkness fitfully, lit up a most delectable advertisement. I produced -'tuppence,' 'walked up,' as invited, to the tent, and found myself in -the 'hall of amusement and instruction combined.' It was already -crowded, but I eventually discovered a seat in the far corner. - -Cries of 'Back! back!'[16] were still ringing in the air, and after a -moment or two a most cadaverous-looking clown reappeared and advanced -to the footlights. - -His haggard, melancholy mien was in admirable artistic contrast to his -garb and the burlesque humour of his song. '_And oh_,' sang he, at the -end of each verse relating some contretemps of the bashful lover, '_it -makes me very, very lively! Very, very lively!_' he repeated, as he -step-danced up and down the tiny stage amidst the guffaws of his -audience. - -It was no great thing to do, perhaps; but it was admirably done. There -was no extravagance in his accompanying actions, nor exaggeration of -emphasis anywhere. In short, there was something of the genuine artist -in him, and it was evident that he held his quaintly assorted -'tuppeny' audience in his grasp. - -I grew strangely interested in the queer little figure before me. -Something about him appealed strongly to the imagination. - -He was encored again, and as I watched him more narrowly his aspect -became more and more pathetic. I grew convinced that he was suffering -physical pain; the blot of vermilion on his nose glowed brighter; -beneath his mask of white I could see ashen-coloured lines streaking a -colourless face. - -'Poor little chap,' thought I; 'he's starving!' - -Just at that moment he concluded at the 'wings,' bowing to the -audience. His linen blouse blew open as he turned, and below a ragged -shirt thus momentarily visible I saw that which made me suddenly feel -sick. Before I recovered myself he had passed out on a step, humming -his refrain, '_Oh, it makes me very, very lively!_' - -Now, what I saw was a tumour which could only mean one thing, and that -was death--an early and painful death probably. 'He's not starving,' I -muttered to myself; 'poor little chap, he's dying!' - -I thought I would go out into the fresh air, but as I prepared to rise -my eye caught sight of a chink in the canvas through which the 'green -room' was visible. - -The trapeze gentleman was now performing, and the clown was removing -his 'make up.' Now that he was off the stage I could see that he had a -limp. A gust of wind came suddenly, enlarging the opening. He turned, -apparently to close the orifice; his eyes met mine, and in that -startled second I knew him to be the 'Caleb Jay.' - -Repressing a cry of surprise, I came out, and went round to the back -to wait for him. - - -III. - -'Now, tell me,' said I, as I led him up to the station, 'why do you do -it? You know you oughtn't to, for it will kill you if you exert -yourself like that.' - -'Ay, an' that's why,' replied he, 'for I ken I'm dyin'; I went an' -axed a doctor a while back, iv Oldcastle, an' he says, "I'll gie ye a -year ti live at the ootside," says he.' - -'Then, why do it?' I urged. 'Do you love it so, or is it for the sake -of the money?' - -'Ay,' he replied, gasping a little, as we mounted the slope to the -station, 'that's it. It's for the brass. Ye ken Tom, my brother? Well, -it's for him i' pairt, an' i' pairt for my mother, who wants a bit -frae me for my keep, ye ken. Noo, Tom's a bonny fellow, ain't -he?--just a joy ti the eye ti look upon; an' he's aye wantin' a bit -mair brass for this, an' that, an' t'ither, an', man, it's a pleasure -ti me ti slave a bit for him. There's nae use o' brass for me--me -that' just the puir "Caleb Jay"--but Tom's like a live lord when he's -plenty of brass; an', man, but he spends it weel!' - -I was silent for a while, thinking of the tragedy of it all. Then I -inquired again: 'Well, but how did you know you had this gift of -acting and singing and impersonation? and why did you hide your talent -so carefully from us all?' - -'It came ower us first, I think,' he answered, 'when reading -Shakespeare an' tragedies an' sic like. I seemed ti see the vary -actors theirselves before my eyes, an' I fair felt like them, ye ken. -Ye'll think it strange, mevvies, but grandfeythor, he had a bit talent -that way, an' ran awa frae his home, an' made his livin' play-acting -an' piano-playin', an' singin', an' aal. He took ill somewhere aboot -here, an' died, an' feythor, he took ti warkin' at the pits, an' -that's the story of it,' concluded my little companion shyly. - -'But with a gift like yours, why didn't you tell _me_ of it, for -example, or the minister, and perhaps we could have got you a proper -start somewhere?' - -'Ay, I kenned that,' said he, 'an' thank ye kindlies; but I found, on -tryin' it, that I wesn't strang enow for't iv a reg'lor way; an' -forbye that, I didn't want the laddies ti ken aboot it, lest they -might call us "Hamlet," mevvies, or "clownie," or sic like, an' my -mother divvent like play-actin'; it was she as made my feythor give it -up, sayin' it wes nae bettor than a mugger's[17] life, elwis wanderin' -frae one place tiv anuther, an' nae brass iv it at aal.' - -There was no time for further talk, for the train was waiting, and, -arriving at our destination, I found my companion so tired that it was -all he could do to walk home. - -The minister and I put our heads together after this, and collected -enough money to send our little friend down to a seaside home for a -few weeks. - -On Saturday night, however, a message came from the doctor that he was -rapidly sinking. His mother and brother were both out, as it happened, -but the minister and I arrived just in time to bid farewell to the -poor little 'Caleb Jay.' - -As we proceeded silently homeward, an idea came into my head. - -'In an age of public testimonials and memorials,' I said, 'humble -self-sacrifice goes unrewarded. Our little friend ought to have a -statue at the least; but, of course, it is no good doing anything. -You, therefore, should bring him into your sermon to-morrow evening, -and give a few people a hint of it beforehand.' - -The idea seemed to strike my companion, and he said he would gladly do -so. - -I had not seen Tom, but as I walked to my lodgings I passed him -standing at the street corner amidst a knot of companions. - -I heard one of them mention the 'Caleb Jay,' and I stayed my steps a -moment to hear the reply. - -'Ay,' said Tom, 'he was a plucky little beggor iv his way, an' useful -tae, an' I was often sorry for him, _he wes sae tarr'ble ugly_! But, -ho-way, I's plenty brass on me, and I'll treat ye aal tiv anuthor -beor!' - - -FOOTNOTES: - -[14] It is said that at the time of the Napoleonic wars some French -prisoners were detained in custody in the pit country not far from -Durham City. It would appear that some intercourse between the -inhabitants of the place and the foreigners sprang up, which resulted -in the addition of one expressive phrase, at least, to the local -dialect, that, namely, of 'Caleb Jay' for 'Quel obj[^e]t!' due to their -strange garb, probably, or tattered appearance. The phrase is now -wholly obsolete, the writer believes, but it is said it was once -actually in use. - -[15] Wood-pigeon. - -[16] The Northumbrian for 'encore.' - -[17] 'Mugger' = beggar; literally, one who sells mugs. - - - - -GEORDIE ARMSTRONG, 'THE JESU-YTE' - - -I. - -Geordie Armstrong, after a somewhat stormy past, had become a steady -hewer, and a local preacher of some repute. Never a Sunday but he was -'planned' to speak at this or that village, and frequently, as he -found opportunity, would 'pit in a bit overtime' at a 'class-meeting' -or 'knife-an'-fork tea,' when the 'asking a blessing' or a returning -of thanks might furnish occasion for a 'bit extemporizin'.' He was in -receipt of excellent wages down the pit; his wordly goods comprised, -as he often proclaimed, a 'bonny, an' what's o' far mair importance, a -godly missus, three canny bairns, a cosy hoos, a fine little -librairee, an' a tarr'ble fertile garden.' - -As he thought upon the sum of his blessings one Saturday night when, -after having 'weshed hissel' an' had his tea,' he proceeded to light -his pipe, he felt he could only properly describe himself as a -'varitable corn-u-cop-ye-ar ov happiness.' - -Yet even then, even in that depth of felicity, an uneasy feeling would -intrude: the memory of Scotty would float to the surface of his mind, -and the thought of the 'parlous state' in which his old 'marrow' -(mate) stood would ruffle its calm placidity. - -This was 'the little rift within the lute'; here was the caterpillar -in the 'corn-u-cop-ye-ar,' and, like the Apostle Paul of old, he was -fain to accept his trial, in the spirit of true humility, as a -judgment upon him for the failings of his past life. - -It was not for lack of trying that Scotty refused to come to chapel; -indeed, Geordie had so vexed him with his importunity that Scotty had -refused to work with him any longer, and was now employed further -'in-by' with another mate. But for all that, Geordie felt certain that -the cause of failure lay with himself, due probably to his weakness in -faith, to lack of some essential or other, and that the blame of -Scotty's not being 'brought to the Lord' lay at his door. - -It had been evident to him for some time that he must try other means, -and, being a great reader, he had latterly come across, and been much -attracted by, a remarkable account of some ancient methods of the -'Jesu-ytes' in cases of this sort. - -Sometimes the sinner in question had been unwittingly tempted into the -'narrow path' by the gratification of his ambitions on some point or -other, conversion resulting, as in the case of Tom Appleby--once a -fire-hot Socialist, now a sleek Conservative--from unexpected -prosperity. - -At other times the same end had been attained by a crafty flattery. -Suppose a man ambitious of eminence and State distinction: he might be -diverted from politics to the Church, and many were the instances -given of bold and ambitious men who had done great work and attained -high place as the servants of St. Peter. - -Could Scotty not be caught hold of in some such fashion? queried -Geordie to himself, as he sat by his fireside that night, deeply -pondering the records he had just been studying. 'I divvn't think he's -ambitious, for he cares nowt aboot politics, an' he never even thought -o' stannin' for election on wor Parish Cooncil. Aal he cares for is -his beer, an' his quoits, an' bettin', an'--an'--his pansies; an' I -doot I cannot catch haud ov him in any one of those partic'lors, for -it wouldn't be fittin' for us that's a local preacher to gan an' send -him a barril o' beer, or back him at a quoitin' match. But -stay--there's the pansies; he's pansy champion, dootless; but then I's -leek champion, an' if I can grow leeks, I's warn'd but I can grow -pansies, for flooers is easier grown nor vegetables.' - -Geordie puffed at his pipe vigorously for a minute or two in silence -as he turned the matter over in his mind. - -A light kindled slowly in the back of his deep-set eye, a smile showed -upon his lips, then he cuffed himself vigorously upon the knee. - -'Ho-way, gan on, Geordie!' he encouraged himself aloud; 'thoo's -turnin' a fair Jesu-yte, I's warn'd!' - - * * * * * - -As the day appointed for the annual meeting of the Flower Show drew -near, Geordie had been heard to drop hints of the 'wonnerfu' new -specie' of pansies he had become possessed of--'seedlin's' he had -obtained 'doon the south-country way,' and it was not long before the -rumour reached the ears of Scotty. - -Nothing could exceed the contempt of the latter when he heard of -Geordie's trying to grow pansies--'him that's just a vegetable man, a -tormut (turnip) grower, a sort o' ha'penny farmer,' and as for -anything good in the way of seedlings coming out of the south-country, -it was just 'bang ridi'klous, for a' folk kenned that a' the best -growers lived in auld Scotland.' - -By-and-by some mischievous individual told Scotty that Geordie was -'full' set upon being pansy champion, and was so cock-sure about it -that he was willing to back himself to win. - -Scotty was so annoyed at this that the next time he came across -Geordie he could not refrain from jeering at his attempt at pansy -growing. 'Wey, it'll be as muckle as ye can do to tell a pansy frae a -vi'let!' he cried. - -Geordie looked at him seriously from under his bushy eyebrows as he -replied, 'I's gannin' to show--an' I's gannin' to win--_wi' pansies, -not vi'lets_.' - -'Will ye back yorsel', then?' retorted his opponent sneeringly. - -'Well, ye knaa,' replied the other slowly, with evident embarrassment, -'I's not a bettin' man, but if thoo thinks I's not in earnest, I's -willin' to gie a proof that I is. What d'ye say to yor takin'--if ye -beat us, that is--anythin' oot o' my hoos thoo has a fancy for; -an'--an'--if I beat thoo, wey, aal I axes is that thoo should come to -chapel--noo an' again, ye knaa--ov an evenin',' he hastily added, as -his companion's face assumed a look of infinite scorn. - -'Ha' ye got that auld double-barrelled shot-gun yet?' queried Scotty, -after a pause in which he had arrived at the conclusion that the odds -were 'aboot a thoosand to one' in his favour. - -'Yes,' replied Geordie. 'I still have her; she's there hangin' up -above the mantelshelf.' - -'Well, I'll tak' up wi' yor proposal,' was Scotty's reply. - -'Shake hands on't, then,' said Geordie slowly, unsuccessfully -endeavouring to instil an apprehensive tremor into his voice. - -His companion shook hands carelessly, and swung away whistling -barefacedly, 'And it's up wi' the bonnets o' Bonnie Dundee.' - -Geordie, on his part, walked away swiftly homewards, fearing lest his -exultation might betray itself too openly. 'Wow!' he thought to -himself, 'but I's fair a-feard o' mysel'. I's growin' intiv a proper -Jesu-yte!' - -The morning of the show-day came, and Geordie, having finished packing -his exhibits with extraordinary care, had just returned with the small -cart the grocer had lent him to convey his treasures to the -show-field, about a mile and a half distant, when up came Maggie, -Scotty's wife, who, notwithstanding the little difference between -their respective men, had always kept up her friendship with Geordie's -wife. Her arms bore a large green case, tied round with a many-knotted -cord. This she hastily set down beside the cart, then turned -breathlessly to Geordie, who, with his son, was just about to drive -off. - -'Eh noo, canny man,' she cried, as she wiped her hot face with the -tail of her gown, 'do us a favour. Will thoo carry my man's pansy-case -up to the show wi' yors? Wor Jimmy was to have taken it up first thing -this mornin', but he went aff for his school treat an' left it--an' my -man's awa playin' hissel' at quoits--an' he'll aboot kill Jimmy when -he gans up to the show an' finds his pansies isn't there.' - -Geordie willingly acceded, and the green case was carefully deposited -alongside of his own at the bottom of the cart. - -His nine-year-old son squatted on the seat opposite, his legs up to -his chin, so as to be out of the way as much as possible in the -crowded cart. The pony started off gallantly enough, and all went well -till within about two or three hundred yards of the field. At that -point, however, the pony suddenly shied at some stray paper on the -road, and Tommy fell with a crash upon the green case below. - -'Eh, Tommy, lad!' cried his father in dismay; 'what hast thoo done? -Wow! but thoo's gan an' smashed Scotty's case right thro' an' thro'!' - -His succeeding feeling was one of joy; for, the accident having -irreparably damaged a third at least of his rival's pansies, it was -evident that Scotty was now 'catched,' and Geordie, with an inward -acknowledgment to Providence, saw, as in a vision, Scotty sitting -devoutly 'under' himself in chapel. - -A few moments later, however, doubt and dismay entered his soul. What -if Scotty should say Tommy had done it 'o' purpose'--at his -instigation? Further reflection convinced him that this was exactly -what Scotty would say, and doubtless there would be some folk unkind -enough to back him up in it. - -Scotty would likelies claim the gun. Well, he'd not mind parting with -that, but he could not give up the prospect of saving Scotty's soul -alive without a groan. - -'Eh, Tommy, lad! Eh, Tommy! But thoo divvn't knaa what thoo's done; -thoo's put us in a fine quandary,' he murmured, gazing sadly now at -Tommy, who was rubbing his knee ruefully, and again at the splintered -case. The problem was a 'puzzlor;' even a Jesu-yte might have found -solution difficult; for Scotty, he knew, would not believe him if he -told the simple story of the accident, and winning the prize would be -useless in the face of Scotty's insinuations of foul play. - -The only way out of the difficulty, he determined sadly, was to -exhibit his own pansies under Scotty's name, and withdraw from the -contest himself. The contents of the two cases were sufficiently alike -for his purpose, though his own were superior in size and depth of -colour. It was a 'sair trial,' for his pansies were bound to win; but -his character as an honest, religious man was at stake, and Scotty's -triumph would be easier to endure than his sneers, if defeated, at a -'chap who caa's hissel' releegious, an' swindles ye like a Jew -pedlar.' - -With a groan he undid the label, and tied it on to his own beloved -specimens, casting aside, as a temptation of the evil one, a -disturbing suggestion that he was guilty of deception in passing off -his own as Scotty's pansies. - - * * * * * - -The judges had been round, and Scotty's pansies easily gained the -place of pride; pansies so perfectly developed, so dark and deep in -colour, had never been shown before. - -A crowd of admirers stood round. Scotty came lurching up, having -evidently held a preliminary carouse in certain expectation of the -championship, and, with a careless glance at his exhibits and the red -card attached, cried triumphantly: - -'Ay! an' whaur's that Geordie body noo, wi' his brags an' a'? Wey, I'm -tauld he daurna even exhibit his ain puir specimens by the side o' -mine! Look at thae pansies, an' think o' him wi' his yaller sheep's -tormuts tryin' to vie wi' me that's the auld established pansy -champion! Ay, I'm that ower an' ower again; an' what's mair, I've win -his gun. Wey, I'll gang an' fetch her awa at aince!' - -So boasting, the proud champion reeled off in triumph, inadvertently -knocking up against a silent looker-on, who was standing in melancholy -guise against a tent-pole some little distance away. - -One morning, a day or so after the flower-show, it chanced that Tommy -was late for school, and, rounding a corner hurriedly, ran up against -a big boy, who was sporting a pansy in his buttonhole. The big boy, -who was Scotty's son, immediately proceeded to cuff him for his -carelessness, and Tommy retorted by "calling"[18] his opponent and his -family connections with a ready profuseness. - -'Wey, even that pansy thoo's sportin' divvn't belong thoo, nor thy -feythor nowther, it's my dad's growin'; he showed his ain pansies as -Scotty's, 'cos Scotty's happened an accident i' the cart. Feythor took -them up for yor mither, 'cos thoo had forgottened them, an' to save -thoo a strappin'; an' feythor's pansy champion, and Scotty's nowt but -a beer-barril!' - -'Liar!' responded the other boy, with a punch of his fist. - -'Ax yor mither, then,' shouted Tommy, as he ducked and broke away from -his captor's clutch. - -A night or two after this encounter Geordie was surprised by a visit -from Scotty. - -'Whatten a tale's this ye're spreadin' aboot o' yor showin' yoor -pansies as mine, I'd like to ken?' demanded the intruder wrathfully. - -Geordie looked up quietly from his book, and: 'I've spread no tales -aboot thoo or thy pansies,' he replied. - -'Weel, it's either thoo or that wee, impittent son o' yoors, Tommy. -Noo, I've been axin' my missus aboot it, an' she says she did gie ye -my pansies to tak' up to the show wi' yoors; an' what I want to be at -is what i' the deil's name ye did to them.' - -Geordie, in reply, exactly related what had occurred. - -'Then, wey didn't ye tell us aboot it?' demanded Scotty, still -dissatisfied. - -'Because thoo has a tarr'ble sharp tongue i' thy mouth, an' I divvn't -want to be scandalized aboot the village as one who would sharp -another for the sake o' winnin' a floo'er prize.' - -'Hum!' ejaculated Scotty, 'it's an extraordinar' thing this! But hoo -can ye explain aboot the pansies, then? I'm pansy champion, an' -therefore thae pansies that win the prize mun ha' been mine, yet here -ye are sayin' that they were yoors.' - -Geordie got up from his seat, and, without immediately replying, went -into the room at the back, and came forth again bearing in his arms a -shattered green case. - -'Dis thoo recognise this?' he asked quietly, as he set it down on the -table in front of his visitor. - -'Ay,' replied Scotty, after a minute inspection; 'it's mine dootless. -But what then?' - -'Wey, then, thoo has my case, an' my pansies inside ov it; an' here's -yors still left i' their holes, just as they were on show-day.' - -Scotty bent over the broken lid incredulously, lifted a faded specimen -out, and regarded it contemptuously. - -'Na, na,' he asserted shortly, 'that's no my pansies; mine were -champions, an' these is weeny things. Na, na, there's been a bit queer -play about this. Maybe Tommy changed them frae the one case to the -ither.' - -'Tommy did nowt o' the sort,' retaliated Geordie quickly. 'Aal that -was done was to untie the label an' clagg (stick) it on to my case -instead o' yors.' - -'Weel, it's a dommed queer thing aaltegither,' replied Scotty, pushing -his cap from his brow, 'and beyont me; for I'm champion, nobody can -deny that, an' a proper professor at floo'er growin', an' ye're but an -ammytoor, d'ye see? An' it's just surprising to me that ye could e'er -imagine ye could compete wi' me. But I divvn't wish to be ower hard on -ye, an' I'll e'en gie ye the benefit o' the doot, as the saying is; -sae I'll just send ye back yoor gun--that is,' he continued slowly, -eyeing Geordie wistfully, 'if ye're wishfu' to ha' her back.' - -'Thoo can keep her,' replied Geordie, 'for it's nae use to me -nowadays; but I would like--I would be tarr'ble pleased if thoo would -come----' Here he halted abruptly, on a sudden fear lest Scotty's -suspicions of some underhand play in regard to the pansies might be -again roused if he too openly requested him to come to chapel. - -The other hesitated a little. 'Weel,' he said finally, 'it's a canny -wee gun, an' I would gey like to keep her. An' as for chapel -gangin'--for I suppose that's what ye're after--if ye divvn't blab -aboot us, wey, I'll just tak' a look in noo an' again.' - -'That's right, noo,' responded Geordie gratefully, and his deep-set -eyes glowed with a warmer light. 'Shake hands on't.' - -Scotty shook hands without demur and swiftly departed, fearful lest -Geordie might regret the arrangement. - -Geordie leant back in his chair and heaved a sigh of relief as he -offered up a silent thanksgiving to Providence for having softened -Scotty's heart. - -'It's aal right noo,' he murmured. 'Wi' the help I've had from above -I've catched him at the finish, an' chapel will do the rest.' - -Thus for some time he reflected devoutly. Then of a sudden a smile -broke upon his lips and he clapped his hand vigorously upon his thigh. -'By!' he exclaimed aloud, 'but I's a proper Jesu-yte efter aal!' - - -FOOTNOTE: - -[18] Abusing. - - - - -'GEORDIE RIDE-THE-STANG' - - - The custom of 'riding the stang' is now obsolete, so that the date - of this story must be put back a number of years, though Mr. - Brockett,[19] writing in his glossary of Northumbrian words, in the - early part of this century, says, 'I have myself been witness to - processions of this kind. Offenders of this description are mounted - a-straddle on a long pole, or stang, supported upon the shoulders - of their companions. On this painful and fickle seat they are borne - about the neighbourhood backwards, attended by a swarm of children - huzzaing and throwing all manner of filth. It is considered a mark - of the highest reproach, and the person who has been thus treated - seldom recovers his character in the opinion of his neighbours.' - The method of divination by the puddings has been practised within - living memory, and even yet may be resorted to by way of a jest - upon occasion. - - Since writing the above the author has come across in Mr. R. - Blakeborough's interesting book, 'Yorkshire Wit, Character and - Customs,' a different version of 'riding the stang,' to which he - is indebted for the first four lines of the 'furrinor's' song. In - a footnote Mr. Blakeborough adds that the 'stang' was ridden at - Thoralby, Wensleydale, as recently as October, 1896. - -There was French blood in Geordie Robertson's wife, Mary, and it may -perhaps have been owing to her origin that she was so eager for -revenge when she found herself deceived by her husband. - -She had begun to suspect him of infidelity even before a neighbour had -given her a hint that he had a 'fancy' wife away in Bridgeton, for her -husband brought home less and less with his 'pack' after his weekly -tramp was over, and when she asked for explanations he 'called' her -with most abusive virulence. - -For her further satisfaction she determined to make trial, now that -the pig was to be killed, of the ancient method of divination -practised by the pit-wives, of which the following is the ritual: - -When the animal has been slaughtered and the blood duly made into -puddings, these puddings are 'set away' to boil by the inquirer of the -oracle. Then, just before they are taken out of the 'pot,' the -officiating priestess must say aloud that she 'gives them' to him who -is suspected of infidelity. Should the puddings emerge whole, gossip -is dumfoundered; should they come forth broken, the man is proved to -have a 'fancy' wife. - -Mary, indeed, found she could scarcely control her impatience when the -fatal day came, and, the pig duly slaughtered, she 'gave' the puddings -to her husband, Geordie. - -She waited another minute to give the spell the lawful grace, then -with a trembling hand plucked forth the puddings. - -'Ah--ah!' she gasped, tremulous but triumphant, 'then it is so; he has -a fancy wife,' and her quick brain fell to pondering a plan for -discovery and revenge. - -The first thing to be done was to lure her 'man' into a false security -by subtle commiseration with him on the 'slackness' of trade, as also -by a wonderful submissiveness, even to the extent of going without -bacon for breakfast in order that she might save enough to buy him -tobacco. Now this form of procedure with a selfish man usually -produces excellent results. If he is sufficiently selfish, he does not -stay to inquire why or wherefore, but takes all he can, as a cat her -cream, without delay, without a thank you--nay, unlike tabby, without -even an inward purr. - -It was so with Geordie, who began incontinently to brag about his -'missus's trainin',' and how he was 'champion' at 'fettlin' a wife's -nonsense,' and, swollen with self-satisfaction, began now to treat her -with a sort of contemptuous toleration. - -A fortnight or so after Mary had made trial of her puddings, Geordie -carelessly mentioned the fact that he would be away over the -'week-end' in and about Bridgeton, and demanded some 'brass' from her -for the replenishing of his 'pack.' - -Outwardly submissive, she gave him five shillings from her small -savings, but inwardly determined that it was the last sum of money he -should have from her. - -On Friday night Geordie departed gaily for Bridgeton, and on the -Saturday afternoon Mary followed suit, clad in a thick cloak which -might serve her for a disguise upon occasion. - -When she arrived there, the main street and market were thickly -crowded with a swarm of holiday-making pitmen, country folk, farmers -and their wives, hinds, male and female, for it was the date of the -annual fair and hiring, of 'the general assembly' of tramps, pedlars, -'tinklers' (tinkers), show-men, and the like, whose business it is to -attend such gatherings. - -In such a crowd Mary felt safe from recognition, but it might be a -difficult task to discover her 'man' in all that company. - -An hour or two passed, and she had been up and down the long street -twice without success; but just as she was turning into a cheap -refreshment-room, with 'Tea and coffy always redy' written in a -slovenly hand upon a dirty placard in the window, she caught the sound -of a voice raised in semi-drunken irritation close behind her which -caused her to turn her head hurriedly in that direction. - -Yes, there he was without doubt, her Geordie, heavy with liquor -already--not 'mortal' yet, but quarrelsome. Aha! and that was the -'fancy' wife, of course, who had him fast by the arm--a blousy, -red-faced, fat-armed, big chested woman, who was evidently trying to -persuade her charge to come home much against his inclination. At -sight of her rival--immodest, gross, overpowering--Mary shrank back -aghast, and it was only after a struggle with herself and a forcible -iteration of her wrongs, that she could persuade herself slowly and -reluctantly to follow the couple in front of her. - -'Ho-way!' shouted Geordie; 'there's Tom Turnbull ower by there tryin' -ti lift weights an' show 's strength. Wey, but Tom cannet lift -weights, he's nowt but a wee bit beggor. Tom, thoo beggor!' he -challenged across the intervening throng of heads, 'thoo cannet lift -weights; wey, Aa'l lift weights wi' thoo for a bottle o' whisky!' - -'Ho-way, then, thoo aad fightin'-cock! but Aa give thoo fair warnin' -Aa can beat thoo, for Aa's champion.' - -At this, the 'fancy' wife seized her 'man' firmly by the sleeve, -fearing doubtless lest, in his then 'muzzy' condition, Geordie would -waste the scanty remainder of his brass upon a vain endeavour, and, by -way of effectually dissuading him, indiscreetly praised his rival's -prowess. - -'No, no, Geordie, my man, come this way, an' give us my fairin'; wey, -there's a mort o' things ti see yet; there's the shuttin'-gall'ry, an' -the twa-headed cat, an' the giant, an' the fat woman, an' aal--ho-way. -Ay, an' Geordie, hinny, Tom Turnbull's tarr'ble clivvor at liftin' -they handles things an' drivin' the bolt up the stick wi' the hammer, -an' Aa's warn'd but he'll bang thoo at that game.' - -'Tom Turnbull!--that haalf-grown, bandy-legged beggor ov a bit tailor -ov a man bang me? Gox! but Aa'll larn him a lesson. Aa'll cut his -comb, Aa's warn'd!' and Geordie forthwith, murmuring maledictions, -thrust blindly through the crowd till he reached the spot where his -rival stood, the centre of an admiring circle of friends. - -'Noo,' cried Geordie, turning up his wrist-cuffs, 'Aa'll show thoo hoo -the thing's done when it's done proper. Wey, this bolt 'll hit the -beam at the top when Aa gie the stump a bat!' and without more -ado--amidst the jeers of some, and the encouragement of a few false -friends--he seized the hammer, swung it round his head, and brought it -down some feet wide of the mark--smash upon the cobble-stones of the -market-place. 'That's done the business!' cried Geordie triumphantly, -conscious from the stinging of his hands that he had 'gi'en it a -champion bat,' and certain that he had driven up the bolt some feet -above his rival's mark. - -Through the roar of laughter, which Geordie complacently accepted as -the proper accompaniment of Tom's defeat, a voice pierced suddenly -with a shrill note as of a fife. - -'Thoo great clumsy lubbert, see what thoo's done! Thoo's broke the -hammer's head off! That's half a crown, my man, for the hammer, an' a -penny for the shot; an' if thoo disn't hand it ower, I'll call the -pollis, for it's fair takin' the livin' oot ov a poor weeda woman's -mouth to break her hammer thet fashion!' and a thin-faced female, with -a red-lined nose, sharp cheekbones, and watery eyes, held up two -skinny fists in anger against him. - -'Gan on, woman, gan on!' retorted Geordie indignantly; 'wey, it's thoo -sh'd pay us, or gie us a cigyar, or a cokienut; for that bat o' mine -hit the bull's-eye, Aa's warned.' - -The shrill-voiced female renewed her protestations, and some of the -bystanders joined in with additional explanations; but Geordie would -have none of them. 'Gan on,' he retorted; 'gan awa home, an' wesh yor -feyce! Wey, the hammer's as rotten as pash, for Aa brought her fair -doon like a pick reet on top o' the stump. What else should maa hands -be tinglin' for?' - -The proprietress of the hammer, however, continued to assail Geordie -with abuse, while at the same time the 'fancy' wife upon his other -side endeavoured to drag him away, so that it need not surprise us if -Geordie suddenly lost his temper, and turned heavily upon his -tormentors. - -He shook off the one, and flung down a shilling in payment of the -supposed damage to the hammer; the other--the 'fancy' wife--he pushed -roughly from him, with the result that she lost her balance, and fell -whimpering in the mud, while Geordie lurched off to the nearest -hostelry, muttering indignantly as he went, 'Aa's been fair mucked -ower wi' women the day--just fair mucked ower.' - -A swift inspiration gleamed in Mary's mind. For the punishment of -Geordie she had already made due preparation, and now, if she could -only persuade the 'fancy' wife, her triumph would be complete. - -She noticed the woman angrily brushing the muck off her 'feast gown,' -and at once made her way up to her and touched her gently on the arm. -'Ay,' she said quietly, as the other looked up with red and testy -face, 'an' it's the same way he treats me;' holding her left hand -loosely so that her marriage-ring was plainly conspicuous. - -'So he has a lawful wife, an' yore her?' And the speaker gave a -suspicious, all-embracing stare. 'Well,' she continued slowly, -jealousy slipping, like some slow portcullis, from her eyes, 'he's had -a change, has my lord! Forst, it was a thin lass like yorsel', an' noo -it's a plump one like me. Ay, he's greedy, is Geordie; he winna be -content wi' the one, like Jack Spratt, but wants both.' - -'Ay, lass,' replied the other woman quietly, 'yore right: he's greedy -an' selfish. That's the sort--a selfish good-like nowt, that lives on -women, makes them keep him through life just as one does a babby; an' -he's treated the pair ov us shameful--just shameful; but, hinny, I've -a plan for a bit payment for him, an' if ye come aside a bit wi' me, -I'll tell ye o't.' And she laid an appealing hand upon the other's, -and affected with the disengaged one to brush the remaining dirt from -the 'fancy' wife's skirt. - -'Well, what is't?' said the latter, suffering herself to be led -through the crowd to a quiet corner. - -Mary at once proceeded, but with a cautious self-effacement, to detail -her schemes for Geordie's discomfiture. 'It will not hurt him,' she -protested, as her rival still sat silent, 'but it will pay him a bit -for the way he's treated us'--here Mary's hand again occupied itself -with the soiled dress--'and it will give ye the laugh over him. I've -done wiv him mysel; I'm awa to France to-night or morning--that's -where Grandfeyther was bred; he came to these parts selling onions at -first, an' finally settled doon here to 'scape the soldierin'. An' -I've money enough to pay the expenses,' she continued; 'an' for -suthin' to eat an' drink an' the ticket.' - -The 'fancy' wife looked at her somewhat hardly, suspicion rising to -the surface of her eye. 'An' sae yore off to France, are ye?' she -queried; 'ay, an' yore tired ov him? Well, mevvies he would say as he -was tired o' thoo; but I've a grudge again' him for the way he's treat -us to-day, spendin' aal my brass ower himsel' an' clartin' my gown an' -all, an' I'll pay him for't, I's warn'd.' And her face darkened -vindictively. - -'That's right,' replied Mary swiftly. 'And now for the plan. Here's -money for you to treat him with. Get him awa oot o' the public before -he's had too much, an' bring him along wi' you by the last train from -Bridgeton, an' I'll meet you wi' the "stang" ready for him, an' the -lads, an' the music, an' all. Oh, but it'll all gan fine, ye-es, -ye-es!' - -So Mary, having handed over all that she could spare to her rival, -departed for the railway-station with a view to catching an earlier -train, and revising her preparations at the other end. - -Her elation was complete. The only possible flaw in her subtly-devised -plan lay in the moods of the 'fancy' wife. If Geordie continued to -treat her roughly--and as he had now evidently settled down to the -drink, he was almost certain to do so--she would be true to the -arrangement; if not, she might relent, and keep Geordie from his house -that night. - - * * * * * - -The train was overdue, and Mary waited with a feverish expectation at -the station's descent amidst a small crowd of young men and boys to -whom the idea of making anyone 'ride the stang' had appealed with an -irresistible sense of novelty. - -The custom, indeed, was obsolete, but all had heard of it, and the -older men had often witnessed it in their youth, and some of them had -collected near the station to criticise and superintend the -performance. - -The 'stang' itself was in readiness--having been lent to Mary on this -occasion by the schoolmaster and antiquary of the village, whose -father had been, as constable, its custodian in the old days. - -And now at last the rumble of an approaching train was audible, and -the group at once assumed an alert and eager air. - -A crowd of tired excursionists slowly descended the narrow path from -the station, men and women together, but there was no sign of Geordie -or the 'fancy' wife. Mary's heart grew heavy within her; after all, -then, she would have to depart without that sweet morsel--her revenge. -The 'fancy' wife must have relented and informed Geordie of her plans. - -'Ho-way,' cried a man in her ear, 'he's not comin' back the night; -thoo's gi'en him a gliff mevvies.' - -'Stay!' cried she swiftly, detaining him by the arm. 'What's that, -then?' she whispered triumphantly, as at the tail of the procession of -pleasure-seekers a couple became visible descending fitfully with -wayward lurches. - -'See there!' continued Mary eagerly, 'it's Geordie an' his "fancy" -wife with him. Catch tight haud of him, an' mount him, an' carry him -through the length o' the village on the "stang"--right to his very -door; he canna get in though, for I've the key i' my pocket,' and Mary -laughed with an inward glee. - -Down came the couple slowly, Geordie abusing his companion, as he -lurched against her heavily, for not progressing with more even -footsteps, the woman saying nothing, but tightly gripping him by the -arm, in order, doubtless, to keep him upright and also to prevent any -attempt at escape. - -The wicket-gate swung open, Geordie lurched through, and in a moment -he was seized, hoisted into the air, a rough pole thrust through his -legs, and the triumphal march began to the tune of a penny whistle, -played by the local champion, a carter to trade, and a number of Jews' -harps and toy trumpets with which a herd of small boys poured forth -discordant revel. - -'Gox! Aa's fallen intiv a sorcus (circus),' cried Geordie, in the -first moment of astonishment, then, 'Leave haud ov us, ye great -flamin' Irish---- What the devil's this Aa's astride o'?' adding with -solemn dignity, 'Yore makin' a tarr'ble mistake. Aa's not Blondin, ti -walk on a tight rope for ye; Aa's Geordie Campbell o' the Raa (Row), -whe lives i' the hoos wi' the brass handle tiv't.' - -'Ay, ay, we knaa thoo!' cried the chorus of urchins; 'thoo's Geordie, -drunken Geordie, Geordie wi' the "fancy" wife. Geordie, Geordie -ride-the-stang! Eh, what a clivvor rider is Geordie! Thoo's a proper -jockey, Geordie, an' thoo'll mevvies ride the winner i' "the -Plate"[20] before thoo's finished wiv it.' - -This idea tickled the carriers of the 'stang,' and Geordie's bearers -were forthwith transformed into thorough-breds with a tendency to -buck-jump. Hither and thither he rolled, dazed and bewildered, -helplessly clutching at the heads of those near him for support, but -his arms were seized, his legs tightly crossed below the 'stang,' and -he swung from side to side, while the rougher boys, chanting rude -doggerel over him, gathered and threw mud upon him. A trombone and a -'sarpint' here joined the noisy crowd, and to the varied strains of -'The Campbells are coming,' 'Weel may the keel row,' and 'Canny Dog -Cappie,' Geordie was borne in triumph up the Row. - -A 'furrinor' (foreigner, stranger) here joined the medley, a 'South -countryman' from Yorkshire, who, chancing to have lately come to the -village after some private experience of his own in stang-riding in -one of the remoter Yorkshire vales, at once placed his services at the -crowd's disposal. - -Marching at the head of the procession, like the drum-major of a band, -and beating together two saucepan-lids, he led the anthem. - -Between the 'cling, cling, cling' of the lids his voice rose lustily: - - 'Ah tinkle, ah tinkle, ah tinkle tang, - It's not foor your part nor mah part - 'At ah ride the stang, - But foor you, Geordie Robertson, who his wife did bang.' - -Scarcely had he ended when the shrill trebles of the boys took up the -wondrous tale, and in antiphony chanted their response: - - 'Up wiv a bump and down wiv a bang - Gans Geordie, Geordie ride-the-stang; - A bump an' a bang for his deed sae wrang, - An' we'll larn him a lesson for ever sae lang.' - -Then, to the full chorus, with complete orchestra of flute and fife, -trombone and triangle, tin whistle and 'sarpint,' brass pot, pan, and -saucepan-lids, the entire procession moved slowly onward. - -Mary's eyes burned bright with exultation as she marched along in the -crowd, not letting a single incident of the spectacle escape her -notice, and as she watched she too joined in the chorus of 'Geordie, -Geordie ride-the-stang' without restraint. - -The sound of the familiar voice roused the victim from the stupor into -which the hustling, peltings, and shoutings had reduced him. - -'Thoo ----,' he yelled, as he caught sight of her; 'then it's thoo -that's at the bottom o' this? By, but if Aa wes free Aa'd----' But a -stalk of cabbage thrown at a venture by a small boy on the skirts of -the crowd here impeded his utterance, and Mary's voice rang out -perhaps more triumphantly than before. - -The 'fancy' wife, meanwhile, who had at first discreetly retired from -public view and looked on at the procession from a distance, had -shortly after joined the noisy throng, moved thereto by a sense of -isolation, and also by a certain smouldering compunction. She looked -around her irresolutely; she felt she had acted precipitately; -certainly she was not deriving any advantage from the proceedings, -whereas her rival was the leader of the revelry, dancing, clapping her -hands, and carrying on like a 'Maypole lass.' - -At this moment Mary inadvertently brushed against her, and in a moment -the 'fancy' wife turned upon her like a spitfire. Clenching her fists -and shouting vituperations, she tried to seize her by the hair. Foiled -in this by an adroit swerve of Mary's under the 'stang,' she turned -her fury upon Geordie's bearers, and with such success that to defend -themselves they were forced to lower the pole to the ground. 'Noo, -Geordie,' cried she, promptly thrusting the wooden weapon into his -hands, 'mak' play wiv it, my man, ho-way,' and Geordie, realizing he -was now free, lunged furiously in all directions, and scattered the -crowd like chaff before him. - -Steered by his 'fancy' wife, a way grew clear about them, and Geordie -marched slowly, unsteadily forward, bearing the 'stang' like a -battering-ram straight in front of him, down the remaining length of -the Row, accompanied at a respectful distance by a rabble of the -smaller urchins. - -Right on past his house he went, out into the darkness beyond, and -over the bridge at the end of the village, still tightly grasping the -'stang' himself, and tightly grasped in his turn by his 'fancy' wife. - -The last train to Oldcastle happened to pass above the bridge at that -moment, and a head leant far out through a carriage window. - -'Ay!' a clear voice sounded, with a touch of derision on the night -air--'Ay! that's right, haud him tight, for he wants it badlies.' - - -FOOTNOTES: - -[19] Mr. Brockett died in 1842. - -[20] The Northumberland Plate. - - - - -YANKEE BILL AND QUAKER JOHN - - -Quaker John was one of the best known figures in the small seaport -town of Old Quay. Short of stature, heavy of tread, always quietly -attired in a black suit, which varied not in cut from year to year; -indeed, the same suit had once been known to do duty for three years -together, till his wife one day, so 'twas said, handed them over to -the chimney-sweep in mistaken identity. You might have told that he -was of Puritan descent some yards away, but the 'letter of the law' in -him had been softened down by the kindly genius of the old-fashioned -Quaker. A genial twinkle lay in hiding at the back of his steadfast -eye, and a smile was always 'at heel' beside his big and honest mouth. - -A broad and spectacled nose completed the portrait of one in whom the -harmlessness as of a dove did not of necessity efface the wisdom of -the serpent. At least, so said Yankee Bill, who read character 'at -sight'; but then, Bill was a disciple of that cynical logic which -proclaims not only all priests to be humbugs, but all men immersed in -business who make pretensions to piety to be hypocrites or fools. - -He had happened to pass along the street one 'fourth-day' morning as -John came out of the meeting-house, and overheard him address a remark -about business to a Quaker friend at his side, and thereafter was -merciless in ridicule. 'John's patent incubator,' he styled the -meeting-house, 'for plot-hatching,' and pretended to be afraid of -doing business with him on Wednesday afternoons for fear of being -'skinned.' - -Bill was a waif from the seas who had somehow been thrown up at Old -Quay a few years back, and having 'prospected around' and 'pegged out -a claim' for himself in the indiscriminate region of commission -business, life insurance, advertising agencies, secretaryships, and -other nebulous formative processes, was now almost as well-known a -figure in the town as Quaker John himself. - -The chief foundation in any abiding friendship is a certain diversity -of temperament which those who wondered at the mutual liking that had -sprung up between the retiring stockbroker's clerk and the worldly -Yankee had evidently overlooked. To John the American's audacity was a -perpetual delight, tempered by occasional Puritan scruples as to -whether he was justified in associating with so hardened an -unbeliever. To Bill Coody the Quaker's reposefulness and quiet -self-sufficiency were both a sleeping-draught and irritant. - -Nothing delighted him more than to get a rise out of John; but John -was hard to catch, and even when craftily inveigled into a theological -argument, was extremely chary of entering into definite statements. -Even when his position was most hotly assailed by the other, who made -unsparing use of the _argumentum ad hominem_, reinforced by a store of -malicious anecdotes of religious 'professors' all the world over, John -never lost his temper, but mildly suggested that his antagonist was an -Anarchist in disguise. - -John himself, though immersed in business which some of the 'plain -people' have been used to look askance at, lived after the simple -fashion of the straiter sect. - -After his day's work at the office, where as head clerk much -responsibility lay on his shoulders, he would go straight home and -employ his leisure on fine days in his garden, and on wet days in his -library, for John was not only a book-collector, but also a reader. - -One pipe of tobacco he allowed himself before going to bed on week -days and two on 'first-days,' and flavoured his tobacco with a chapter -of 'George,' as he styled in affectionate intimacy his favourite -author (Mr. Meredith) on week-days, but a portion of Barclay's -'Apology' on 'first-day' evenings. - -One evening John was sitting reading as usual, when the maid-servant -came in to say that Mr. Coody wished to have a few words with him. -'Very well,' replied her master, laying aside 'George' with a sigh, -and wondering what business Bill might have on hand to come at such an -untimely hour. - -In came his friend as unceremoniously as ever, and, sitting himself -down on the sofa, drew vigorously at his cheroot for a minute or two -before entering upon the topic that had brought him thither. - -'Look here, John,' he exclaimed all at once, 'you're a confidential -cuss, I guess, and I've got a scheme on hand that will "scoop the -boodle" if properly carried out; and what I want to know is, whether -your people will take a hand in it or no. It's a certain thing, and -will go ahead like a runaway buggy anyway; but the less friction the -better, so that if your people will grease the wheels a bit, so much -the better for them and all consarned.' - -'Tell me precisely what it is,' replied John cautiously, 'then I may -be able to offer an opinion; but, of course, I can't say off-hand -whether the firm will entertain the idea or not.' - -'Waal,' replied Bill, 'I guess you're the firm pretty often, for your -bosses are generally away huntin' or shootin' or foolin' around -somewhere; anyway, your advice is generally listened to, I guess. -Waal, to come to business. I'm fixin' up a new store on the most -modern principles. I sell everything cheaper than anybody else -anywhere in this little country of yours; any bloomin' thing that's -asked for, why, it's there, delivered free to any part of the United -Kingdom. Everybody comes along--Noah's Ark on a wet day ain't in it -for the pushin' there'll be at our doors once we get opened out--and, -another thing, everybody gets made into an automatic shareholder; for -profits have to lie till they reach [GBP]5, when each man, woman, and -child gets a share given them, will they, nill they--and you bet, -John, they will. I tell you, the thing's fixed up, and is goin' to -give Old Quay shocks. Why, I'm buyin' up here and there bankrupt -stocks enough to bust the place with--pianners, hardware, bicycles, -rose-trees, fam'ly Bibles, rat-traps--every taste will be suited, for -I tell you cosmopolitanism ain't in it with Bill Coody. I tell you -I'll be in a position to bust every single bicycle dealer in this -little one-hoss place; every pianner dealer can shut up shop when I -get started. Why, there won't be a pitman in Northumberland who hasn't -got a demi-grand Eureka B. C. piano in his house in another three -weeks' time, and every colliery village will have its Bayreuth -Festival with "Canny Dog Cappie" and "Weel may the keel row" tinklin' -away down each row.' - -'But think of the poor shopkeeper!' John interrupted, aghast at this -slaughter of the innocents. - -'Now, John,' expostulated Bill, as one who reproves a child for -foolishness, 'it's not "first-day," and you ain't "in meeting," so -stick to business, if _you_ please. Waal, the thing's got to go, as -I'm sayin', and the only question is, are your people goin' to join in -or no? If not, I bust their little donkey go-cart of Supply Stores -which they set up a few years back in South Street "for the mutual -encouragement of thrift and the supply of the best articles at -first-hand cost" as the prospectus says, combinin' philanthropy and -five per cent, plus their commission on floatin' the shop. Now, I know -how much they have in it, your bosses. J. B. has 10,000 shares, and -young T. he has 5,000 out of a total of 30,000, so they're the largest -shareholders in the concern, but Bill Coody has shares in it, too, -John, he or his nominees. Likely you've noticed the shares have been -jumpin' up a bit lately and been wonderin' what the jooce was up, eh?' - -'Yes,' responded John quietly, endeavouring to conceal any disquietude -he might feel; 'yes, I've noticed that.' - -'Waal, we've got enough to bust their shop up pretty well, and if your -people don't come into my showyard I'll give their shares away with a -pound of tea,' and here he pulled out a handful of certificates from -his trousers' pocket and flourished them in John's face, which was -gradually growing longer as the other unrolled his arguments. - -'But how did you get the necessary capital?' John inquired after a -pause, professional curiosity piqued at this unexpected revelation of -means. - -'Waal,' replied the American, as he carelessly lit another cheroot, -expectorating with relish into John's carefully-trimmed fire, 'I'll -tell you straight out, for I'm one of them that goes straight to the -point--fibbin' ain't in it with truthfulness, and bluffin's no good -when the cards are on the table. Waal, I bank with the Old Bank here, -and decent enough people they are, too, but a trifle slow, so no -sooner did the Joint Stock Bank open out a new branch in Old Quay than -in I go, and I says, "Look here, boss, I want [GBP]5,000 of the ready, and -I'll bring you business," I says. Well, the boss rubs his hands in -butter, and he says, "Sartinly, sartinly, Mr. Coody, we know your name -well, sir; most happy to oblige, I'm sure, and much obliged if you -could introduce us to a few of your friends," so after a bit more -palaver and a deposit of some shares the deal's done. Waal, down the -street goes Bill Coody, and into the parlour of the Old Bank, and says -to the partners straight out: "Now, look here, gentlemen, there's no -beatin' about the bush with me, and no frivolity in matters of -business, and what I want is [GBP]5,000 straight down, which is the figure -I've just been offered by the new Joint Stock Bank over the way. Now I -like your style," I says, "and I should be sorry to leave you; but -sentiment's not my style of doin' business, so there you have it." -Waal, the old gentleman looked at me over his spectacles, same way as -you do, John, and under his spectacles also, and offers me a pinch of -snuff, while he and his partner waggle their heads together in a -far-off corner of the room. Waal, after a bit more palaver and a -little "pi" jaw thrown in gratis about the evils of speculatin', and a -hope that a strange bank will not interfere with mutual friendly -business relations, that deal's done, and Bill Coody has [GBP]10,000 to -draw upon by feedin'-time that morning. - -'Waal, John, I think you'll have the hang of it now, and will be able -to advise your bosses as to what's best for them and the community, -too, at large, and I want an answer--a regular business-like -document--signed, sealed, and delivered, by this time to-morrow night, -for there's a shipload of my goods in already and lyin' at the quay, -and I can't let the thing dry-rot while two thickheads worry the -situation out and try to tinker up a mind between them. So fix it up -for them, John, yourself. Ta-ta; I must be off. There's a chap waitin' -for me at the club on business.' And rising as he spoke, he went as -unceremoniously as he came, leaving a trail of rank tobacco that was -as penetrating to John's nostrils as his communications had been to -his intellect. - -John lit his pipe again, which had gone out as he listened to Bill's -scheme, and thought for a while how 'George' would have dealt with the -situation; how his penetrating intellect would have pierced through -Bill's armour-plating, and revealed the naked artificer within. - -Ah! if 'George' had only been there for five minutes, several of the -questions that were troubling him might have received instant -solution. He could not feel certain how far Bill meant business with -his store. It was not all bluff, of course; but how much of it was -bluff, how much business, he could not of himself determine. - -It might be that he wanted to be bought off at a price, or be offered -a post upon the directorate, or was merely a 'bull' of the shares. -However, one thing was certain: there must be no shilly-shallying. -Either Bill must be squared or he must be defied. - -That was the question for him to determine. No doubt, from a strictly -business point of view, the chief matter to be considered was which of -the two courses was likely to prove most beneficial to his principals; -but the thought of the poor shopkeepers was present in John's mind, -and operated largely in influencing his mind in the direction of -defiance. There was poor old Mrs. S----, for example, who kept herself -and two grandchildren on the proceeds of a small florist's business, -once her son-in-law's. What would happen to her if Bill were to flood -the town with rose-trees at a shilling the dozen? - -To-morrow was Saturday, and Bill demanded an answer by the evening. -The next day being 'first-day,' he would have to satisfy his -conscience--that 'still small voice' which, even in the silence of the -meeting, interrogated him severely on his dealings during the past -week, and permitted no subterfuge or evasive answer--and it was -useless to think he could do so by pleading that he was only a -subordinate, not an official, in this affair of the store. Well, so be -it. It must be defiance, then--war to the knife--if Bill was in -earnest; for to offer to put him on the directorate of the supply -stores would merely mean setting up Bill's store under the old title. - -John sat late as he pondered over the situation. Suddenly one of the -Articles of Association of the stores flamed within the chamber of his -brain, and a twinkle shone in his eye, as he reflected that it should -enable him to mate Bill's cleverness at the very outset. - -Bill had quoted from the prospectus, but he had evidently overlooked -the Articles of Association, and John chuckled to himself delightedly -as he recalled Article 5. - -Shortly after seven next morning John might have been observed taking -the air upon the quay, casting shrewd glances as he passed along. He -had some suspicions concerning the amount of value of Bill's -consignment of pianos, family Bibles, etc., and he thought he might -possibly discover something for himself if he saw what vessels were -lying at the quay. - -There was a green-hulled brigantine from Norway lying alongside, but -she was full of battens and pit-props; a steam-collier lay next, but -she must simply be waiting there for stores or sailing orders. A tramp -came next, apparently from America, by the labels on some of her -packages that the cranes were already swinging overhead. - -This, then, must be Bill's consignment, for there was nothing else in -the river or at the quay that John could see that could possibly have -anything on board for Bill or his stores. - -As he stood there immersed in thought, a figure appeared on the deck -above him, and, leaning his arms on the taffrail, regarded the scene -below him with a gloomy air. 'The skipper,' thought John, as he noted -his blue broadcloth and peaked cap, and on the spur of a sudden -inspiration immediately accosted him. - -'Fine morning, captain. I happen to have heard a rumour to the effect -that you were wanting an offer for your cargo. If so, I might possibly -get you an offer from a friend of mine--at a reasonable figure, of -course.' - -'Waal,' replied the other slowly, 'I guess I'm ready for a deal, as -the consignees are bust up, and only 25 per cent. of the freight paid -for; but it's not a knock-out, I tell ye, for I've had a bid already -for the lot.' - -'Was it from a man they call Bill Coody, by any chance?' asked John, -with a fine carelessness. - -'Waal,' replied the skipper, as he turned his quid, 'his name's -nothin' to me, so long as he has the ready. Mr. Cash is the gent I do -business with; but if my memory sarves me right, I think Bill Coody -was the name on his pasteboard.' - -'What precisely is the cargo?' queried John. 'Is it dry-store -goods--organs, pianos, and such like commodities?' - -'Ay, that's about what it is--all the sort o' fixin's that make a -harmonious home for the retired commercial gent--organs, melodeons, -brick-a-bacs, articles of virtoo and amusement combined; and a fine -variety of wood goods besides. Waal, if you're for a deal you must be -sharp about it, for I've to fix up with Mr. Coody by ten o'clock this -mornin', and I leave again this afternoon, havin' just signed a fresh -charter party for a cargo of fireclay bricks. So name your figure, -plank down the cash, and I'm ready to deal.' - -'Well, what did Mr. Coody offer you?' asked John pertinently. - -'Three hundred pounds in bank notes,' replied the skipper; 'but I'll -take [GBP]400 to clear; and dirt cheap, too, when you think o' what a nest -o' nightingales your fam'ly and friends will be at ten dollars a -head.' - -'Thank you,' said John, as he moved away; 'I'll just go round and have -a talk with my friend, and will let you know the result before ten -o'clock.' - -'Right,' replied the captain, cutting himself a fresh plug of tobacco; -'[GBP]400 down, coin o' the realm, before ten, mind ye, and your friend's -set up for life with a "house beautiful" that Solomon in all his glory -and Mrs. Sheba couldn't have fixed up better between them.' - -'What a curious, profane, hard-featured set of men these Americans -are!' thought John, as he stepped briskly away in the direction of his -senior partner's house. 'Why, the mind of that skipper is exactly of -the same temper as Bill's; his features are as irregular, even his -voice has the same twanging, nasal habit. However, he means business -evidently, and I think I can persuade Mr. William to buy up his cargo, -which will put, I imagine, a pretty stiff spoke in Bill's wheel.' - -Within a quarter of an hour John was on Mr. William's doorstep, and -ten minutes afterwards was explaining the strategical position to the -senior partner in his dressing-gown. 'Certainly, John,' said Mr. -William slowly, after listening attentively to John's recital; 'we -couldn't possibly have Coody on our Board; it wouldn't do at all. Why, -he's a mere adventurer, and his method of under-cutting, "busting" -people up, etc., would bring discredit upon our firm and have a bad -effect upon our business. No, it's quite evident, John, as you say, -that we can't square him--as to how far he means business, I don't -know. I incline to think he is bluffing us; but there isn't time to -find out how much he has up his sleeve; and if we buy up this cargo we -trump his ace, you think, and can make a profit out of it ourselves at -the stores after? Well, I daresay you're right, John; and, after all, -[GBP]400 won't ruin us. We buy his cargo, and as he can't "bear" the -shares, he'll be like a chained dog showing his teeth, but doing no -damage. Yes, I think it is an excellent idea, John,' Mr. William said -in conclusion, 'and if you'll wait one minute I'll give you the cheque -for [GBP]400.' - -By ten o'clock that morning John had completed his defences; the cargo -was bought; he held an indemnity against any claims from the skipper -and owners of the goods in question; he had made an inquiry at the Old -Bank, and now was sitting down at the office to write a short note -marked 'private' to Bill, to tell him it was to be 'war to the knife.' - -'And I may tell thee, Bill, that thee had better give in with a good -grace; for, in the first place, thee cannot sell the shares below -par--_vide_ the Articles of Association, paragraph 10--and, in the -second, we have bought up thy cargo; and, finally, I feel assured that -stores managed on thy suggested lines would never bring a blessing -with them. Thou saidst it was to be "war to the knife," but we hope -thee will think better of it, for thy sake more than for our own,' and -with a friendly warning John finished his letter, and despatched it by -hand to 'William Coody, Esq.' - -Late that afternoon, just as John was leaving the office, a letter was -brought to him in Bill's handwriting. It ran as follows: - - 'Ta-ta, John, I'm off, you quaint, cocked-hat old Puritan - Precisian; but I couldn't leave without having tried a fall with - you first, and, on totting it up, I think Bill Coody's just had a - trifle the best of the m[^e]l['e]e. If I'd got on to the stores, I'd - have stayed in this derned little one-hoss place, but those - all-fired articles[21] upset that cart. I'll allow you that, - John; but I have you, my boy, over that little cargo of mine. - Why, the whole show was a got-up job, the cargo saw-dust, salvage - stocks worth [GBP]20 at an outside figure. The skipper, being a pal - of mine, lent me his duds, this morning, for I knew you'd be down - there sniffing and spectacling about with the morning's sunrise, - and I had the show ready for you, John, to walk into, and in you - walked like blue blazes. The [GBP]400 will about pay for my trouble, - and for the premiums on the store shares. Your principals will - have to buy the shares back from the banks--they mustn't buy - below par, though, John--you remind them of that. - - 'I've sold my biz., and am off with my pal, the skipper, this - moment. No time to handshake. Ta-ta, John, and bear no malice. - Stick to piety and 5 per cent., and don't buy up bankrupt - cargoes, and you'll be Lord Mayor of Old Quay before you're - finished. So long, your pardner, - - 'BILL COODY.' - - -FOOTNOTE: - -[21] '_Article 5._--No shares shall be dealt in below their face value -except with the consent of the Board of Directors.' - - - - -THE PROT['E]G['E] - - -The Vale of the Frolic in the far west of Northumberland had always -been a favourite retreat of mine. As I trudged the London pavements in -the dog-days before the Law Courts rose, my heart panted for the green -hills and the sweet silences of remotest Frolicdale. - -The chiefest charm of the vale perhaps for me lay in the fact that it -was a track untrodden by the tourist, resembling the maid of the -waters of Dove in this--that it was one which, as yet, there were 'few -to know, and very few to love.' - -It was a pastoral, sheep-raising countryside, inhabited by shepherds -almost entirely, who were at the same time farmers also, for their -tenure was something after the m['e]tayer order. - -There was nothing to mar the quaint and antique flavour of existence. -The post, like our lifeboat institution, was here supported by -voluntary contributions. If anyone were 'gannin' up the wattor,' well -and good; he would take the letters with him. If not, then they were -left at the schoolmaster's till called for. Newspapers, again, with -the exception of a weekly _Courant_ or a _Scots Mail_, were, like the -woodcock, but 'occasional visitors' in that region; and when it is -added that the house I usually stayed at was situated eighteen miles -from a terminus of a slow branch line of the North British Railway -Company, it will be evident that the ordinary tourist had a very poor -chance of putting in an appearance in that favoured region. - -I was recalling all these little details with infinite gusto as I sat -down at my desk to write to my friend the Presbyterian minister and -schoolmaster of Fair-Green Haugh, suggesting a visit from myself a -week ahead. - -The answer came just in time for me to pack up and start within the -week. - -'I am sorry to say,' wrote my friend in conclusion, 'that my -accommodation is somewhat limited this summer, as I have had to give -up my small sanctum to a prot['e]g['e] of mine, who, though he has just been -discharged from gaol, will yet, I feel assured, become a highly useful -and respectable member of society. - -'I know your kind heart, my friend,' he continued, 'and feel sure you -will not regret a temporary lack of comfort in so good a cause. You -can always use the schoolroom, as it is holiday time, for reading, -writing and smoking.' - -'Heavens!' I murmured to myself, as I took in the monstrous situation; -'fancy having to spend my vacation trying to improve an infernal -burglar! He knows my kind heart, he says. Well, it only proves the -truth of the poet's lines: - - '"Not e'en the dearest heart, and next our own, - Knows half the reasons why we smile or cry." - -I wonder,' I soliloquized, 'whether he is of the heavy, hang-dog, -dropped-jaw type--the knifing variety, in brief--or the other -species--the shifty-eyed, chinless, quick but evil brained sort. On -the whole, I prefer the first, for if he cannot control his temper, at -any rate you know where you are with him, whereas with the latter you -never can tell what he may be up to.' - -Anyway, it was exasperating, for here had I been congratulating myself -upon the sweet security of my proposed retreat, only to discover at -the last moment that I was destined to become co-warder of a criminal. - -However, it was no use making myself miserable before the time, and as -I was at any rate now free from the choking London atmosphere I could -revel in the thought of fresh country air, liberty and leisure. - -I stayed the night at Heathtown (famous for the church wherein Bernard -Gilpin, 'the apostle of the north,' stayed the hot Borderers from -feud), and, drawing the heather-honeyed air deep into my lungs, felt -my strength so renewed that the thoughts of shifting the -ticket-of-leave gentleman if he didn't, in North-country phrase, 'keep -a civil tongue in his heid and behave hissel' respectable,' positively -inspired me with pleasure. - -The postman in his cart was, as it chanced, going up to the little -village, styled a 'toon,' where the last post and telegraph-office -this side of Scotland is situated, and insisted upon giving me a -'cast' so far upon my road. - -'No, nowse is changed ava,' he replied, in answer to my query, 'syne -ye were last here, save belikely that we are aal a year older, an' -that Farmer Newton's missus was brought tae bed wi' anither bairn a -month ago last Saterday. Ye'll mind she had her fourth bairn the last -time ye were here, an' Farmer Newton, he says he'll just hae tae turn -priest, an' get the Sixstanes livin',[22] an' there, ye ken, the Queen -sends ye a ten-pound note for every addition tae yor fam'ly; an' -though there might not be ower muckle profit in it, it wud help tae -keep the pot a-boiling, says he. But I'm thinkin' mysel',' continued -my informant reflectively, 'that if Farmer Newton were tae give up -shootin' an' huntin' sae muckle, an' took a turn at farmin', he'd have -a less reason for complaining.' - -And so we passed the time away, he regaling me with all the domestic -gossip of the countryside, I interrupting him now and again to point -out the historical objects of interest on either hand of us; for, like -all true countrymen, though he knew every stick and stone by the -wayside, he was entirely ignorant of the past history of his vale. - -We were now close on the village where my driver ended his stage, and -it suddenly occurred to me to inquire, as I thanked him for his -kindness to myself, if he knew anything of my friend's prot['e]g['e] at the -Fair Green Haugh. - -'Well,' he replied slowly, 'I have heard as hoo he has ta'en up wi' a -convick or gaol-bord o' that description. Wey, I canna tell. He'd -muckle better hae getten'd hissel' marrit; an' sartinly we divvn't -want that sort o' specie up this wattor-side. We hevn't muckle gear -belike, but we prefer tae keep wor ain. He'll be ain o' the lifting -kind likelies, the same as thae moss-troopin' fellers ye were crackin' -on aboot enoo whae divvn't seem ivvor tae hae heard on the fifth -commandment. Ye'll be weel employed this holiday-time o' yors wi' -lookin' efter him, I's warn'd. But yo're a lawyer chap,' he continued, -'an' dootless ye'll find an excuse tae shift him wi'. Put on yor wig, -an' nae doot but it will tarrify him.' - -I thanked the speaker for his advice somewhat ruefully, for his words -exactly fitted my own presentiment. - -Having bade adieu to my postman friend, and arranged for my heavier -luggage to be sent forward in the next carrier's cart that might be -going 'up the wattor,' I set out across the hills to The Nook on Fair -Green Haugh with my knapsack on my back. - -Two hours' walking brought me within view of The Nook, and as I paused -at the top of the brae to drink in the well-beloved aspect of the -small 'bigging' that sheltered in the green coign between Windy Law -and Blind Burn side, I noticed the figure of a man carrying a small -child in his arms. - -I knew most of the inhabitants of the vale by sight, but the aspect of -the individual in question was unknown to me. It was scarcely likely -he could be a shepherd's extra hand, for the washing and shearing time -was over, and a tramp in the ordinary sense of the term would have -been, to quote from the ornithologists, a 'rare and occasional -visitor.' Besides, he had not the appearance of a tramp; he walked -with an easy boldness, apparently playing with the child as he -strolled, for as I drew nearer I could hear the child's voice -gleefully crying, 'Again, again; do it again, funny man.' - -As I drew nearer I looked at the stranger with interest, and noted -that he was a well-made, active fellow, of good proportions. His face -was slightly scarred, as though from small-pox, but not unpleasantly; -it was as if the disease, suddenly repenting of spoiling a bright and -healthful countenance, had incontinently left him for another victim. - -His eyes blue, his teeth, splendidly regular, were clean and white as -a hound's. Glancing at the child, I discovered her to be Maggie, the -six-year-old child of Tom Hedley, the herd at Fulhope Law, so I went -straight up to her and asked for a kiss as usual. 'No,' said the -diminutive flirt archly, holding her head backwards; 'no kiss for zoo. -I's got a new man noo,' and forthwith she buried her curls in his -neck. 'He's a nice funny man,' she continued in another moment, -peeping forth from her hiding-place, 'an' he's got nae mair hair on -his heid than oor little puppy-dog at home.' - -I glanced at her captor, and noting his cropped crown, jumped to a -sure conclusion as to his identity. 'Why, 'tis none other,' thought I, -'than the prot['e]g['e].' Possibly he read my thoughts; at any rate, -releasing one arm, he lifted his hand to a salute, smiling, meanwhile, -in the most affable way in the world. I nodded 'Good afternoon,' and -learning that the minister was within and waiting my arrival, turned -my steps to the house. - -After our first greetings were over he commenced to apologize again -for the limited space at my disposal, but he was certain that when -once I had got to know his 'prot['e]g['e],' I should think no more about it. -'He is a beautiful character,' he concluded enthusiastically, 'one -could tell that at a glance by the way in which children take to him.' - -'I met him outside just a moment ago,' I replied, 'and he certainly -seems to have won little Maggie's heart, but from my recollection of -her half a dozen "sweeties" would explain that feat. And after all,' I -continued judicially, 'some of the greatest ruffians that ever lived -were extremely fond of children. There was Herod, of course, but he -was the exception that proves the rule.' - -'Ah,' sighed my friend, 'that terrible London atmosphere! How it -cankers the human affections! The theory of the law, I believe, is -that every man should be considered innocent till he has been proved -guilty; but you lawyers, reversing this in practice, hold every man -guilty till he prove his innocence.' - -'How about his hair?' I inquired rather unkindly. - -'His hair?' my friend queried, with a puzzled expression. 'Oh, I see -what you mean,' he continued almost immediately, endeavouring to shed -a _soup[c,]on_ of a smile over his seriously earnest countenance. 'But -don't notice that, please, or you may make him reckless. For now is -the critical time,' he added solemnly, with the professional manner of -a physician making his diagnosis; 'if he gets safely over this his -cure may be regarded as practically assured. - -'The great thing is to believe in a man, to cultivate little by little -his sense of self-respect; by "believing men to be better than they -are," one may even, as has been so well said, "make them better than -they are." In England we have always gone on a wrong principle; we -worship success, worldly success, far too much, and have scant -sympathy with the unfortunate. My friend outside says that he stole a -leg of mutton for his starving daughter. The result is he cannot now -get a situation, and his daughter has been taken from him, and is now -in a home. Well, if the man be treated with contumely, he may very -likely despair and give up all hope of improvement. Treat him well, on -the other hand, and you may yet turn him into a useful citizen.' - -'You put a premium on wrong-doing,' said I, as I shook my head at his -argument, smiling, however, at the impassioned face before me. - -His high, narrow forehead with the ruffled upstanding hair betrayed -the enthusiast; the broad, refined, and eager lips marked a perennial -emotion within; his eyes, notwithstanding their wonderful clarity, had -a far-away look in the depths of them; a spare form, thin wrists, and -shrunken hands completed the presentation of the idealistic, mystical, -Don Quixote type of human nature. - -While I thus reflected, my friend continued to pour out fresh -instances proving satisfactorily to any non-prejudiced mind the -correctness of his theory. - -'But what are you going to do with him?' I asked eventually, 'for -after all that is the important thing. I mean, his being here with you -may be very nice for him, but it doesn't teach him a trade, and you -can't afford to keep him, I know, for long.' - -'First of all,' eagerly began my friend, 'I propose to keep him long -enough to re-instate him in his self-respect; secondly, to study his -temperament and character thoroughly in order to discover what line of -life he is best suited for, and then to get him some appropriate -situation. That is the programme, and, I think, a quite practical and -satisfactory one. There is no "pauperizing" here, you see; it is -simply giving a man a fair chance. And now,' he continued briskly, -'come out and inspect the garden.' - -The prot['e]g['e], it appeared, had been making himself useful therein, -which my friend thought was a highly encouraging sign, 'for,' said he, -'no bad man ever cared for gardening.' - -The next few days I spent contentedly in absolute idleness, now -strolling up the waterside, now smoking and reading peacefully in the -little arbour behind the herbaceous border. I had almost forgotten the -existence of my _b[^e]te-noir_; he showed, indeed, a most commendable -readiness to efface himself as much as possible from observation, and -when I chanced to pass him he seemed rather to avoid me than to seek -my company. 'Good-morning,' I would say, if I happened to come out of -the house before breakfast for a stroll, and find him chopping -firewood, 'lovely weather, and looks like lasting, I think.' - -'Ay,' he would usually reply, with a hurried touch to his cap, 'it's -canny weather,' then muttering something about being busy, would -incontinently hurry into the house. I took this as a sign of grace, -and was quite favourable to the mode of intercourse thus established. -But my host, I could see, was pained at my apparent lack of interest -in his prot['e]g['e]; so the next day, finding Blythe engaged in tying up -the suckers of the honeysuckle to the trellis of the arbour, I went -boldly up to him, determined to try and draw him out. - -'Well, and how do you like the country?' I inquired. 'A pleasant -change after town life, eh?' - -He gave me a quick, suspicious glance in return, then muttering, 'Ay, -dootless,' again devoted himself to his occupation. - -I tried again, but, meeting with no encouragement, became, I am bound -to confess, a little nettled, as though with an insubordinate witness. -The happy insouciance I thought to have marked in him at our first -encounter had vanished, and ''Tis the knifing variety, after all,' I -murmured to myself, and fell to scrutinizing him somewhat severely. -There was something about him that somehow seemed familiar to me. I -determined to probe, and see if he would wince. - -'Possibly you don't care about the country?' I suggested smoothly; -'towns, perhaps, attract you more. York, for example, is a nice town, -and, by chance, say September 30 for a little business in the -vicinity, eh?' - -He looked me full in the face at this, a very ugly smile curving his -lips, as he replied abruptly, 'What is it you're wanting?' - -'I don't know that I want anything for myself,' said I, somewhat -elated at the success of my conjecture, 'but I should like fair play -for my friend inside. Pheasants are scarce hereabouts, but possibly -other things might come in useful. I needn't specify,' I continued -airily, 'to a gentleman of your intelligence; 'twould be superfluous.' - -For reply he made a bound at me, head down, and both fists -outstretched. It was as the rush of the bull for the matador's flag, -and my bound aside just saved me from his charge, though his right -fist touched me on the chest and sent me staggering backward. - -He turned, and came again; this time I had more space for manoeuvre, -and the memory of an old fencing trick, learned in Angelo's school of -arms, swift as a flashlight, lit within my brain. I leant forward as -though to meet him like a boxer, then, as he rushed upon me, turned -quickly sideways, fencing fashion, and slipped half a foot backward. -He missed me by a hand's breadth; a reek of tobacco touched me hotly -on the cheek; another moment and I had leapt forward on a late 'time -thrust,' and caught my antagonist neatly just behind the ear. I had -been unable to put any strength into the blow, but it proved to be -enough to upset his poise. He staggered, stooped, and then fell -headlong on the path, scarce having time to break his fall with hand -or arm. - -He lay there for a moment or two, apparently half-dazed; then, slowly -picking himself up, leant back with folded arms against an apple-tree, -and surveyed me with a sort of sulky resignation. - -'Well, you've got the better o' me again,' said he; 'you've the luck -on your side, nae doot. "Bing lay your shero,"' I overheard him mutter -to himself under his breath, which, taken in conjunction with his -name, amply sufficed to confirm my conjecture of his gipsy origin. -'What is 't ye want wi' me?' he continued, in a louder voice. - -'As I said before,' I replied slowly, seating myself upon a wooden -bench in front of the arbour, 'I only require fair play for my friend -within. A man of the world like yourself can easily deceive him, even -to the half of his kingdom; and if he has a fancy to cure the leopard -of his spots or whitewash the Ethiopian--or perhaps I might say the -"Egyptian" rather--I would like the process to be as inexpensive as -possible to him--you understand?' I queried of my opposite, smiling as -I spoke; for I had the whip-hand of him undoubtedly, and to be -unpleasant politely is part of the lawyer's art. - -'To put the matter more clearly still,' I continued, for he had made -no response to my suggestion, 'I think a week of fresh air and quiet -seclusion in the country should be enough for any man of active habits -after a period of enforced leisure; the hair, moreover, grows quickly -in a country retreat, as Joshua's messengers found of old, and, -briefly, what I would advise is a moonlight flitting.' - -Pleased with the brevity of my peroration, I took my cigarette-case -from my pocket, and, having selected a cigarette, carefully proceeded -to light it with the utmost deliberation. - -I had taken my eyes off him for the moment, partly in order to -ascertain if the cigarette were properly alight, partly to perfect the -illusion of _sang froid_; and dearly I paid for my rashness, for with -a bound he was upon me. - -I ducked; but it was too late, and over I went backward, my enemy -a-top of me, crash through the arbour on to the stone flagging within. - -I was stunned, I suppose, for a minute or so, for I lay there -wondering what had happened, and annoyed that a wasp, as I thought, -should have stung me in the neck. In another moment I had discovered -that the smart was due to a bit of live cigarette-ash that had chanced -to drop inside my collar in my fall, and I tried to put up a hand to -remove it. To my disgust, I found my hands were knotted tightly -together; my legs, too, were bound, and, as I turned my head, my eyes -met those of my enemy, sitting beside me on a low stool. - -'The gadgi' (viz., 'gorgio,' or man of non-gipsy race) 'is but a fool -in his pride and self-conceit,' said he; 'he is but a tortoise, for -all his pushkin's (hare) gallop at the start.' - -This was what I heard him saying as I recovered consciousness, and as -I knew that gipsies always hide their origin, and refrain from their -language in the presence of the 'gorgios,' I felt certain he must be -labouring under great excitement, and momentarily expected to see him -out with his knife and finish me there and then. Here he stooped, and -I thought my hour had come, but apparently it was only to pick up my -fallen cigarette. Pinching off the blackened end, he put it between -his lips, and, lighting it at the other end, drew in deep breaths of -tobacco-smoke. - -'I don't wonder you enjoy it,' said I, as I watched his proceedings -with an intense annoyance; 'successful theft is pleasant to a tchor -(thief), I presume?' - -'And who's the tchor in the end,' retorted he--'you or me? Speak, -little gutterwhelp from the toon, that art paid to lie at so many bars -(sovereigns) the lie. Your kind take a man's money, plead so ill that -at the finish the "stande" (gaol) has him, while the big thief's left -behind in court wi' a white wig on, an' a smile on his ugly moi -(mouth). Who's the tchor, then?' he repeated with a leer, as he blew a -cloud of smoke in the air. 'I 'low ye got me nabbed at York 'Sizes, -but it wesn't yor doin', 'twas that dirty Jack Spraggon, who turned -informer an' legged me that time. Why, ye pink-eyed toon's-spawn, if -I'd my rights, an' things were as they aince was, I'd hang ye tae the -nearest tree. Look there,' he cried, as, stirring me with his foot, he -drew up his coat-sleeve and thrust a tattoed wrist over my eyes--'look -there, d'ye ken what that is?' - -I gazed with interest, for it was evidently an heraldic coat, -excellently well punctured in his flesh. - -'A lion rampant within a tressure fleury counter fleury, by Jove! -debruised by a bar sinister,' I murmured aloud. - -My thoughts went back at a bound to memories of the 'Gaberlunzie Man' -of the ballad, the errant James V., and 'ane louit Johnnie Faa, Lord -and Earl of Little Egypt,' but all I said was, 'Still, people don't -boast of an illegitimate origin nowadays.' - -'Illegitimate!' he cried angrily; 'I'll teach ye manners, ye ----' but -here a step sounded on the path outside, and in another moment my host -peered in at the doorway. - -'Tut--tut--tut,' said my friend, removing his glasses from his nose in -his agitation, 'dear, dear! what can have happened? Speak, Ned; -explain, Will.' - -My adversary rose to his feet, saluted our interrogator somewhat -shamefacedly, and, pointing to myself, replied, 'He wes sae impiddent -wi' me I'd just tae teach him a lesson, but nae harm's done.' - -'Oh,' cried my little friend, and he positively wrung his hands in his -distress, 'but you shouldn't,' and here he looked at us reproachfully -in turn. Then a happy thought seemed to rise in his brain. 'We must -forget all about this unhappy occurrence,' cried he; 'we will not -inquire into it, but will shake hands all round, and begin afresh.' - -So saying he immediately knelt down, undid my bandages, and helped me -to rise from the floor. 'Now,' he cried, and seized hold of our -respective hands. - -'Well,' said my antagonist, 'I bear no malice, but keep yor tongue a -bit civiler i' future.' - -'And refrain from pheasants and legs of mutton,' I nearly retorted, -but stayed my tongue in time, and the three of us shook hands promptly -all round, as desired. I was willing enough to shake hands because I -felt I had been in error in taunting my antagonist, but I was not -prepared for the reproof my host had in store for me, as he put his -arm through mine, and led me away for a stroll up the brae. - -'Oh, how could you do it?' he said. 'You must have stung him beyond -endurance, and you promised, you remember, to respect him.' - -'I only told him the truth,' I replied sulkily. 'As a matter of fact, -I recognised in him the first individual I ever had the pleasure of -getting convicted--at York Assizes--pheasant-poaching, stoning a -keeper, etc. One's first conviction is like one's first love--one -can't forget it.' - -'Ah, but if it is so, that is just an incident in that past career of -his which is quite dead and buried now; you see yourself how annoyed -he was at your bringing it up against him. Of course, his conduct was -inexcusable,' he hastily added, suddenly remembering doubtless that he -was my host, 'but this vigour of resentment proves to my mind the -genuineness of his repentance.' - -It was hopeless to argue, so I turned the subject, inwardly resolving -that I would leave on the morrow. - -After supper that evening I went outside to smoke, and there lingered -long, enjoying the soft, luminous northern twilight. - -The murmur of the stream in the valley trembled amidst the silence of -the night, as of some old monk telling his beads in the solitude of a -vast cathedral. Suddenly a discordant singing sounded down the vale. -'Some roysterer,' thought I with disgust. 'I suppose there must have -been a wedding or some festivity of that sort.' - -The sounds rose and fell fitfully, but grew gradually louder. It was -evident someone was coming 'up the wattor,' and I waited to see who -the disturber of our quiet could be. - -The last corner had apparently been turned, for now I could hear the -voice distinctly. 'The prot['e]g['e] again, by Jove!' I groaned. - -I meditated instant flight, but a fit of laughter caught me, and I -stayed. Out of the gray twilight a toper lurched up to the gate on -which I leant, and, steadying himself, momentarily peered into my -face. - -'No malish, little Wool-shack, eh?' quoth he with a grin. Then, -becoming confidential, he leant forward and whispered, 'Drink ye for a -"bar," turn an' turn about,' producing as he spoke a most -suspicious-looking black bottle. - -'Look here,' said I, 'why did you come to this place?' - -'It's a free-sh country,' replied my opposite solemnly, 'an' -wanderin's my trade, an' the wee big bairn upstairs, he's ta'en a sort -o' woman's fancy for us. Noo, Wull Blythe's like his ancient forbears, -royal Wull Faa, an' the lave, an' he cannot say nae to a woman, though -he'll ne'er tak' a look frae a man.' - -'Well, good-night,' I said, 'and don't wake the big bairn upstairs.' - -It was some time before I finished packing, and after that was done I -sat down and had another pipe by the window. I was just dozing off -when a smell of burning seemed to creep in upon my nostrils, and the -atmosphere grew thicker to my sub-consciousness. - -'It can't be anything,' I murmured inwardly, and tried to recede still -further into the dark grove of sleep, but a step outside my door -effectually roused me. - -A light gleamed upon me. 'Come, my friend, come quick; I fear the -house is on fire,' cried my host at the doorway; 'throw on a coat, wet -your blankets, and follow me upstairs at once with them.' - -I rushed upstairs headlong some few seconds after, and stumbled over a -prostrate form on the small garret landing, a reek of whisky giving me -assurance of its identity. I rose hastily, and passed into the room -beyond, where, amidst heavy smoke-wreaths, I perceived my host, now -beating burning bedding with his hands, and again stamping with his -feet upon smouldering coverings on the floor. - -I did my best to help him, and we succeeded shortly in getting the -better of the conflagration. After emptying buckets of water over bed -and bedding, we waited for some minutes to ascertain if any hidden -fire lingered anywhere. - -'I think it will be all right now,' said my host; 'but come, we must -look after my poor friend outside--I fear he is badly burned. Poor -fellow, he was lying in bed stupefied with the smoke. I suppose he -must have fallen asleep reading, and the candle must have set fire -somehow to the bed-clothes or curtain.' - -He had scarcely finished speaking when he swayed suddenly, and before -I could reach out an arm, had fallen to the ground in a dead faint. I -lifted him up and carried him downstairs at once, and found that he -was rather severely burnt about the hands. - -After I had restored him to consciousness as best I could and dressed -his hurts, I proceeded, at my friend's earnest entreaty, to look after -the prot['e]g['e], who was still lying prostrate on the garret landing; -absolutely unconscious and hopelessly intoxicated. - -He was badly burnt on one arm, and scorched down one side of his body. -Appearances seemed to show that he must have thrown off the -counterpane and blankets on to the floor, that there they must have -become ignited either from his fallen pipe or candle, and eventually -have set fire to one side of the bed. - -The doctor had to be sent for, and for a week the prot['e]g['e] was kept in -bed; when he did come down again he was as contrite as possible, and I -carefully avoided all mention of the disaster, for I had a dim feeling -of guilt in the matter, suspecting that he went down the valley that -evening to the alehouse in consequence of his excitement at his -triumph over myself. - -Now that he was about again, and my friend too was quite restored, I -determined to depart, and the next morning went down early to the -Frolic to enjoy a last bathe. - -I was sitting on a shelf of rock above a deep pool, drying myself -slowly after my swim, when I heard sounds below me. Looking out from -my shelter, I saw Blythe, who appeared to be about to follow my -example. His procedure, however, was curious; for first he cast his -cap upon the waters, then carefully deposited what looked to me like a -Bible on his coat on the bank, and, finally, having looked about him -stealthily, took off his shoes and proceeded to ford the burn. - -'He's off,' I thought to myself, then cried to him, 'Holloa! what's -up?' - -He stood stock-still in mid-stream like one petrified, then, -perceiving me, waded slowly to shore. - -'Noo, don't ye blab tae Mistor Rutherford,' he said, as he came close -up underneath where I was standing. 'I's awa aff. I cannot stay, but I -doot the little man will be sair troubled aboot it, sae let him think -on as that I'm drooned, wi' the Bible there tae show I's a convarted -character, for he's been one tae many for Blythe, an' I wud'na like -him tae grieve ower my disappointing him. I cam' for a bit fun, but -it's turning tae seriousness noo, an' I can't bide any mair, that's a -sartinty.' - -I don't know whether I acted wrongly or not, but I fell in with his -view of the situation, and when I had finished my dressing he had -already stolen out of sight. - -I stayed on another week after this, and during that time successfully -concealed my connivance at the prot['e]g['e]'s flight. - -The discovery of his cap and coat was considered proof of his having -been drowned, and the Bible, borrowed from himself for the occasion, -provided at once a consolation for my friend and a rebuke to my -scepticism. - -I spent a night in Oldcastle on my way back to town, and chance took -me through one of the most thickly populated, though not most -aristocratic, quarters of the city. It was a fine night, and I had -prolonged my stroll unconsciously. Suddenly the swing-door of a -public-house was thrown back violently, and a man came hurtling -through, and fell with a thud on the pavement beside me; a face peered -through the aperture of the doors for a moment, and in a flash I -recognised it. - -The gentleman who had been thus ignominiously 'chucked out' slowly -pulled himself together, collected his faculties and his hat with -difficulty, uttered some violent and abusive epithets, then slowly -staggered off down the street with drunken dignity. - -I went inside the aforesaid doors. My eyes had not deceived me, for -there was the prot['e]g['e] behind the counter in his new capacity of barman -and 'chucker out.' He signed to me to follow him into the 'snug,' and -there confided to me that he had got a permanent job for the first -time in his life. - -'Here,' said he, 'is a bar' (sovereign); 'send it along tae Mister -Rutherford, an' tell him I's alive an' hearty, an' that I canna rest -till I's paid for the blankets an' beddin' I burnt the other week. -Mind,' says he, 'ye're not tae say where I am, but tell him I've a -situation, an's givin' satisfaction.' - -'Well,' thought I to myself, as I returned to my hotel, 'if my friend -hasn't reformed the prot['e]g['e], he has come at all events as near to -success as is good for the ordinary mortal.' - - -FOOTNOTE: - -[22] The author understands that this is the case in regard to some of -the livings in the gift of Greenwich Hospital. - - - - -THE SPANISH DOUBLOON - - -Ransacking Jake's treasury one afternoon, I made an unexpected -find--no less than a Spanish doubloon hidden away in an old sporran of -a great-uncle of his. - -The history of the fox-marked rapier, of the blood-stained tress of -hair found at Cawnpore, and of the yellow robe of the Brahmin, I knew -already; but the heavy Spanish coin suggested something of a different -order. - -'Come,' said I, holding it up so as to attract his attention, 'tell me -the tale connected with this--something to do with a pirate, or the -Spanish Main, I dare swear.' - -Jake smiled quaintly as he fingered the coin with deliberation. 'Weel, -it's a queer tale, sartinly, that's connected wi' yon coin, but all I -can tell ye is what my aunt telled me langsyne, when she presented it -to me on my joining the sarvice, just before I left for India. - -'Noo, my aunt, ye mun ken, was a widow woman who lived on a bit -property she had left her doon at the small, ootlandish-named seaport, -as it was then, o' Bocca Chica, on the Northumberland coast. - -'There was a man there she kenned nicely--in fact, she aye said -afterwards, wi' a shudder at the thocht o't, that at one time he -wanted to marry wi' her--who cut a big figure i' the place, by name -Isaac Stephenson--"Black Isaac," as he was mair usually styled. It -seems he had been bred and born i' the place, but had run awa to sea -i' his youth, an' after many voyagings here an' there turns up again -wi' pockets fu' o' siller, and a wee, misbegotten heathen dwarf o' a -Malay as his attendant. - -'The dwarf called hissel' Chilpo, or some such uncanny name, an' was a -kind o' body-servant an' clerk an' dirty-job man to Isaac. But Isaac -never let on where he picked him up, an' Chilpo was a sour-tempered -little deil, whom maist folks were terrified o'; sae naebody e'er -kenned muckle o' his antecedents or ancestry. - -'Weel, Isaac, on his settling doon again at home, set up i' business -as a shipowner an' broker, an' carried on a large business as an -exporter o' coals, an' did a bit, as maist everybody did i' those -days, i' the smuggling line--salt, an' lace, an' brandy, ye ken. He -had siller, as I said, when he started his new trade, though naebody -kenned hoo he had come by it; but it was no lang before he was the -richest man i' the toon, an' folk began to talk weel o' him, an' -praise him up as a good citizen as was a credit to the toon, an' ask -him to open bazaars for them, an' suchlike. - -'There was just one strange thing aboot him, an' that was that the -womenfolk couldn't abide him. E'en after he had made hisself the -richest man i' the toon, he could ne'er get hissel' married, though -'twas said my aunt, when he took up wi' religion, had aince had a -thocht o' him, but no for lang, for there was suthin' aboot him that -tarrified her when it came near the point. - -'He was no ill-favoured neither, for I mind seein' him mysel' as a lad -aince I was stayin' wi' my aunt--a tall, poo'erfu', black-haired man, -wi' heavy eyebrows, an' a lustfu' sort o' eye--half hectorin', half -cowardly. But he had a cruel sort o' look aboot him--thick-lipped, an' -greedy, sweaty sort o' hands. - -'Weel, after a good few years o' prosperity he turned sort o' -sickly-like, an' for the first time i' his life began to think upon -his latter end, an' at the finish takes up wi' a sect o' Bible -Christians, or Christadelphians, or some such body, who were glad to -get hold o' such a rich, influential sort o' person withoot askin' -ower mony questions. - -'Weel, he gans to his chapel, an' he prays, an' he gies his testimony, -an' calls hissel' all sorts o' names, but was ay cautious no to gie -ower mony details o' his sins, an' the good folk were highly edified -by it, my aunt amangst them, an' asked him for subscriptions for every -sort o' charity. - -'But Chilpo, he couldna stand this sudden right-about-face, for there -was nae releegion at aal i' his wee, misshapen anatomy, naething but -love o' siller, and beastly, secretive pleasures o' opium drams an' -such like. An' he mutinies against it, an' cusses an' swears to -hissel' i' his pigeon-English talk, for Isaac by degrees began to hae -his doots aboot the lawfu'ness o' smugglin' an' saeforth, an' Chilpo's -wages an' profits dootless wud suffer by his maister's scruples. - -'Consequence was, there grew to be bad blood betwixt maister an' man, -an' folk could hear them quarrelling inside the office o' nights, till -at the finish there's a grand flare-up, Isaac seemingly strikin' -Chilpo, an' Chilpo clickin' his maister wi' his knife. - -'Chilpo gets the bag for that, Isaac no daurin' to prosecute him, for -he kenned ower muckle. But he disna leave the toon; just hangs aboot, -doggin' Isaac's footsteps, an' cussin' to hissel' i' his queer, -ootlandish way o' talk. "Him coward," he would mutter, "but Chilpo -brave man. He no take no blowee. Chilpo hang Isaac--hang himselfee--no -matter--Chilpo fear nozzin'," an' he would gnash wi' his white teeth -savagely like a mad dog as he saw Isaac pass along the street. - -'His heart was just as black as his sweaty, black phiznommy, an' he -properly haunted Isaac till he fair plagued him to death. - -'One Sabbath, when there was a great function on at Isaac's chapel, he -actually follows him in, an' sat sneerin' an' mimickin' an' makin' -game o' Isaac as he prayed an' groaned, an' confessed to bein' a -muckle great sinner i' the past, till Isaac was near mad wi' rage an' -terror. He tried to pray, but the words wouldn't come richt, an' the -sweat poured aff his brow, they said, till folk thought he was about -to hae a fit or seizure o' some sort. - -'At the finish he gies it up, an', staggerin' on to his feet, points -i' a frenzied sort o' way to Chilpo sittin' there below him, an' cries -oot loud: "It's the deil, it's the deil! Drive him awa; drive him oot -o' the holy place! I tell ye he's sin hissel'. See the sooty face on -him!" - -'"Ugh! Black Isaac, him coward!" shouts Chilpo, standin' up on his -seat. "Him sky-pilot nowee, no goodee any more. Once a timee -diffelent; good pilate once, grand pilate with Chilpo; men's pilate, -women's pilates, temple's pilates, all sorts pilates. Oh yez; huzza! -Dam good timee then; ping-pang, click-click, plenty moneys, plenty -grogs, plenty funee. O yez; Chilpo, he knowee." The little heathen -chuckled to himself, makin' uncanny motions wi' his hands o' -throat-cuttin' an' liquor-drinkin' an' fillin' his pockets wi' siller. - -'"Him hipple-clite nowee," continued Chilpo, shoutin' aloud to all the -chapel-folks who hadn't recovered theirsels from their amazement; "dam -hipple-clite! Why, him worship the debbil like Chilpo former timee. -Him no use for prayee; him dam-ee, curs-ee; him Church's pilate, -women's pilate, then burnee together. Oh yes, him lemember allight; -askee him," an' wi' that he points his finger at Isaac, whose face was -workin' in a frightful fashion, his eyes starin' this way an' that, -wi' no meanin' i' them, his lips black, an' his mouth slobberin'; then -sudden he starts to run, but catches his foot an' falls full length -doon on the floor an' drums wi' his hands amangst the cushions. - -'There was a panic at that; half o' the women faints dead awa, the -bairns scream, and some o' the men drives Chilpo, still chucklin' to -himself, oot at the door wi' blows, whilst others attend to Isaac -lyin' wi' his head covered i' the dusty cushions an' his hands hard -a-grip o' the seat-stanchions. - -'They loosens his grasp wi' difficulty, but lifts him up at the finish -wi' a shockin' face on him, an' a senseless tongue that babbled aboot -a parrot. Some said it mun ha' been i' reference someway to some -wicked episode i' his past life which Chilpo kenned o' an' alluded to -i' the chapel. Maybe a parrot had been left the sole survivor after a -sack, ye ken, an' Isaac couldna forget the scene. Anyways, Chilpo, the -dam cunnin' little de'il, kenned o' the hidden sore i' Isaac's mind, -an' laid a cruel finger on 't wi' the blackest malice. An' there was -nae doot aboot the outcome o't, for Isaac was gone clean daft, an' -died not long afterwards i' the asylum. - -'Weel, they gied him a big buryin', for his brethren i' the chapel -said they believed he was a true repentant sinner, an' forbye that he -had left a good bit siller amangst them, which would dootless assist -them to that conclusion; an' as there had been some body-snatchin' -lately, they determined to form a small watch committee to keep guard -at the graveside for a night or two. - -'Weel, the watch was composed o' some decent elderly folk, who didn't -trash theirselves ower the job; an' mevvies the funeral festivities -had delayed them a bit, for they didn't arrive at the graveyard till -aboot half-past ten o' the clock. - -'It was ane o' thae tempestuous October nights, wi' half a gale -blowin', an' clouds gallopin', wi' flittin's o' moonlight like jockeys -ridin' 'em; an' when they came nigh to the graveside, an' saw a dark, -misshapen sort o' a figure plyin' an axe vigorously, an' heard a thud, -thud, same as ye may when passin' by a butcher's shop any day, why, -they turned tail and fled, the most o' them stumblin' this way an' -that amangst the headstones. - -'Two o' them, though, was a bit bolder, an' pressed on up to the -graveside, whereupon the little black demon figure thuds doon his axe -wi' a sickenin' sound, then dives awa into the darkness, screechin' -oot: "Chilpo, Chilpo! he makee sicker, he makee sicker!" and therewith -vanished frae Bocca Chica. - -'As for the doubloon,' concluded Jake, spinning it into the air as he -spoke, 'it was found amangst some leavin's o' Chilpo's at his -lodgin's, an' sold wi' some other trinkets to pay some small debts he -had left behind him. - -'My aunt bought it up as a memento o' the marcifu' preservation she -had had frae marryin' wi' a buccaneer; an' when I said good-bye to her -on startin' for India, she presented it to me, wi' an admonition ne'er -to have any traffic wi' dwarfs or pirates.' - - -THE END - - - - -PRINTED BY - -BILLING AND SONS, GUILDFORD - - - * * * * * - -TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE - -Italic text is denoted by _underscores_. - -Non-ASCII accented characters are transcribed as [`x] for grave -accent, ['x] for acute accent, [^x] for circumflex, [x,] for cedilla, -where 'x' stands for the non-accented character. Great Britain Pound -character is transcribed as [GBP]. - -Obvious punctuation and spelling errors repaired. Punctuation and -spelling standardized when a predominant preference was found in this -book. Other possible errors retained. - -Page 43, "the many" changed to "them any" (he'd never have hearkened -to them any more). - -Page 164, "Georgie" changed to "Geordie" (responded Geordie -gratefully). - -Inconsistent hyphenation was retained. When uncertain of the author's -spelling of words split across lines, hyphen was retained in such -words as "chimney-piece", "god-child", "cock-sure", "well-made". Words -"lampshade", "mantelpiece", "grandchildren", also split across lines -in the original, are not hyphenated in this text. - -"GEORDIE ARMSTRONG, 'THE JESU-YTE'" tale starts with subheading I, -which suggests that the tale has several parts. 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