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+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 41795 ***
+
+    TALES OF NORTHUMBRIA
+
+
+
+
+    BY THE SAME AUTHOR
+
+    BORDERLAND STUDIES
+    THE MARK O' THE DEIL
+    THE WHITE-FACED PRIEST
+
+
+
+
+    TALES OF
+    NORTHUMBRIA
+
+    BY
+    HOWARD PEASE
+
+    METHUEN & CO.
+    36 ESSEX STREET, W.C.
+    LONDON
+
+    1899
+
+
+
+
+    TO
+    EARL GREY
+
+    EVER KEENLY INTERESTED IN WHATEVER
+    CONCERNS HIS NATIVE COUNTY
+    THESE SKETCHES OF NORTHUMBRIAN CHARACTER
+    ARE DEDICATED BY THE AUTHOR
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS
+
+
+                                         PAGE
+
+    NORTHUMBERLAND                          1
+
+    'A LONG MAIN'                           7
+
+    THE SQUIRE'S LAST RIDE                 29
+
+    À L'OUTRANCE                           41
+
+    'T'OWD SQUIRE'                         59
+
+    AN 'AMMYTOOR' DETECTIVE                79
+
+    'IN MEMORIOV'M'                       109
+
+    'THE HECKLER' UPON WOMENFOLK          121
+
+    THE 'CALEB JAY'                       133
+
+    GEORDIE ARMSTRONG 'THE JESU-YTE'      147
+
+    'GEORDIE RIDE-THE-STANG'              165
+
+    YANKEE BILL AND QUAKER JOHN           187
+
+    THE PROTÉGÉ                           209
+
+    THE SPANISH DOUBLOON                  243
+
+
+
+
+The tales that go to make up this small volume have already appeared
+in print: the first part of the Introduction, 'A Long Main,' 'In
+Memoriov'm,' in the _National Observer_; 'The Protégé,' in the
+_Queen_; 'Quaker John and Yankee Bill,' 'T'Owd Squire,' 'An Ammytoor
+Detective,' in the _Newcastle Courant_; 'À l'Outrance,' in the
+_Newcastle Weekly Chronicle_; and the remaining six in the _Newcastle
+Daily Leader_. I desire to tender my thanks herewith to the various
+editors concerned.
+
+
+
+
+TALES OF NORTHUMBRIA
+
+
+
+
+NORTHUMBERLAND
+
+
+It is generally admitted that your Northumbrian pre-eminently
+possesses the quality which the pious but worldly Scotchman was used
+to pray for, namely, 'a guid conceit o' hissel'.'
+
+It is the more unfortunate, therefore, that of late years a
+considerable landslip should have taken place in the ground whereon
+his reputation rested.
+
+The local poet no longer hymns the 'Champions o' Tyneside,' for
+Chambers and Renforth and other heroes have long since departed,
+leaving 'no issue.'
+
+Advancing civilization, again, has, it is to be feared, made havoc of
+the proud insularity of the Northumbrian squirearchy. No longer are
+they content, like the Osbaldistones of yore, to devote themselves to
+cellar and stable, to stay at home, contemptuous of London and its
+politics, of travel and of new ideas. 'Markham's Farriery' and the
+'Guide to Heraldry' have lost their pristine charm, and the
+Northumbrian is, as a consequence, foregoing his ancient
+characteristics merely to become provincial.
+
+'Geordie Pitman' alone makes a stand against all modern innovation.
+Firm in his pele tower of ancient superiority, he is still convinced
+of the superiority of all things Northumbrian.
+
+'Champions' may have died out elsewhere, and patriotism be decayed in
+the higher social ranks, but in the pit-village there still lingers an
+admirable quantity of the old self-love.
+
+In each separate village you may find some half-dozen self-styled
+'champions' who will match themselves against 'any man in the world'
+for £10 or £15 a side at their own particular hobby or pastime.
+
+Defeat has little effect upon a 'champion': like Antæus, he picks
+himself up the stronger for a fall, and having advertised himself in
+the papers as 'not being satisfied' with his beating, challenges
+another attempt forthwith.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Now this self-satisfaction--though somewhat decayed of late--is
+probably one of the oldest strains in the Northumbrian character,
+having been developed, doubtless, in the first instance, under stress
+of constant raid and foray, and but little affected thereafter--owing
+to the remoteness of the county both from the universities and from
+London--by the higher standards of softer and more civilized centres.
+
+After this, the next most predominant trait is a love of sport, for
+which the climate, together with the physical conformation of the
+county, may be held responsible; for the open aspect of the plain, the
+crown of bare western hills, the wind-swept moorland and the sea,
+suggest a life of hard endurance and fatigue, the strenuous toil of
+the hunter, the keen excitements of the chase.
+
+Still, as of old, the wide and spreading grasslands try horse and
+rider with a tempting challenge, as of one who cries, 'Come, who will
+tire first?' The music of the hounds sweeps down the brae:
+'Yoi--yoi--yoi!' quivers the cry from the streaming pack. Onward the
+rider gallops, the plover perchance rising at his horse's heels, the
+long note of the curlew sounding in his ears, the breath of the west
+wind racing in his nostrils; he may see on this side the purple bar of
+Cheviot, on the other the blue, flat line of the sea, and
+therewith--if ever in his life--may taste of the primeval joy of
+living--of the joy of the early hunter who lived with his horse as
+with a comrade, drew from the sea the 'sacred fish,' from the moorland
+the 'winged fowl,' and knew not discontent.
+
+The beauty of the southern counties is not to be met with here.
+
+The south is the well-dowered matron, the north a bare-headed
+gipsy-lass, freckled with sun and wind, who 'fends' for her living
+with strategies of hand and head.
+
+Still, in the northern blood, the heritage of the 'raid' and the
+'foray' abides, and still, as of old, are the children of the
+Borderland nursed by the keen wind of the moorland and the sea. 'Hard
+and heather-bred' ran the ancient North-Tyne slogan; 'hard and
+heather-bred--yet--yet--yet.'
+
+
+
+
+'A LONG MAIN'
+
+
+'So you're a county family?' I echoed, and, though it may have been
+impolite, I could not forbear a smile, for never had I seen County
+Family so well disguised before.
+
+'Ay,' replied Geordie Crozier, 'I is,' and forthwith proceeded to
+search in the pocket of his pit-knickerbockers for his 'cutty.' He had
+just come up to 'bank' from the 'fore-shift,' and was leaning on a
+waggon on the pit-heap, about to have a smoke before going home for a
+'wesh,' dinner, and bed. 'The last ov us,' he continued, having lit
+his pipe, 'that had Crozier Hall was grandfeythor--Jake Crozier, of
+Crozier Hall, was his name an' address, an'--an'--I's his relics.'
+
+I glanced at the 'relics' afresh--six foot two if he was an inch, and
+broad in proportion, a magnificent pair of arms--he was champion hewer
+at the colliery--with legs to match, though slightly bowed through the
+constant stooping underground. Under the mask of coal-dust his eyes
+gleamed like pearls, and a thrusting lower lip, backed by a square
+jaw, gave evidence of determination and the faculty of enjoyment. A
+short, well-trimmed beard put the finishing touch to 'the Squire,' for
+so his friends styled him, half in jest.
+
+'Well, and how was it lost?' said I. 'Was "cellar and stable," the
+good old Northumbrian motto, his epitaph? Or did your grandfather take
+an even quicker road to the bailiffs?'
+
+'Grandfeythor was like us, I b'lieve; he was a fine spender but an ill
+saver, an' he had a h---- ov a time till the mortgages gave oot, for
+he was a tarr'ble tasteful man--lasses, greyhounds, an' horses,
+racin', drinkin', cockin', an' card-playin' were aal hobbies ov his at
+one time or another, but what was warse than aal this put togither was
+that he never wud be beat. Everything he had must be the best, an' the
+fact that anythin' belonged to him was quite enough to prove to him it
+was the best o' the sort i' the county. Well, for a while as a young
+man things went well wi' him. He win the Plate[1] two years runnin',
+an' many was the cock-fight an' coursin' match he pulled off wiv his
+cocks an' his hounds; but there was a chap came oot o' Aadcastle who
+was one too many for him at the finish. This chap had made a vast o'
+brass i' the toon at ship-buildin' or such like, an' bein' wishful to
+set hisself up as a big pot, had hired a big place next grandfeythor's
+i' the country. Well, grandfeythor couldn't abide him, for, bein' a
+red-hot Tory, he didn't believe i' one man bein' as good as another at
+aal, an' when, as happened shortlies, his neighbour's son came
+sweetheartin' his daughter, he says, "No Crozier lass ever yet married
+a shopkeeper's son, an' they never shall as long as I'm above
+ground--orffice boys mun marry wi' orffice gals," says he.
+
+'Well, the lad's feythor was tarr'ble vext at this, an' he swears
+he'll have his revenge on the Squire--an' it wasn't long before he got
+his opportunity.
+
+'He'd set hissel' up as a sportin' man, ye ken, when he come to the
+country, an' wes tarr'ble keen o' shootin' wiv a gun, an' occasionally
+he meets grandfeythor at a shootin' party, an' always takes the
+opportunity to differ from him i' a polite sort o' way on every topic
+under the sun.
+
+'Well, after their dinners one day, grandfeythor, bein' fairly full up
+wi' beer, ye ken, begins sneering at all toon's folk settin' up as
+sportsmen. "It stan's to reason," says he, "if a man's forbears have
+never handled a gun, nor shot nowt mevvies[2] but a hoody crow or a
+seagull on a holiday, that the bairns canna shoot either, for it's
+bred an' born in a man--it's part o' his birthright, like a fam'ly
+jool," says he; "a heditary gift, the same as a proper knowledge o'
+horseflesh, fightin' cocks, greyhounds an' aal; money won't buy it,
+an' it's no use argifyin' aboot it, for it's a fact, and the will o'
+Providence," says he.
+
+'Noo, when grandfeythor got on aboot Providence, most folks, I
+b'lieve, used to say nowt, but Smithson--that was the chap's name--he
+gies a sort o' tee-hee at this oot loud, which would be the same as if
+you or me were to say, "It's just d----d nonsense."
+
+'Well, there was a tarr'ble tow-row at this, grandfeythor as red as a
+bubbly-jock an' swearin' like a drunken fishwife, and Smithson as
+polite as a counter-jumper wiv his "pardon me's" and "pray be seated,
+sirs"--aal to no effect.
+
+'At the finish, when matters were quieted doon a bit, Smithson offers
+to back hissel' at a shootin' match wi' grandfeythor for £1,000 a
+side, an' also at a cockin' match--"a long main" it was to be--twenty
+battles at £100 the "battle" and £1,000 the "main."
+
+'Well, aal the comp'ny thought it was just a bit swagger on the part
+o' Smithson, an' that when the time came he'd just cry off an' pay
+forfeit, for the match was to take place in three weeks' time, and
+never a cock had Smithson in his place ava, whereas grandfeythor, he
+had a rare breed, the best i' the county--mixed Rothbury an'
+Felton--an' the old Felton breed was the one the King o' England win
+his brass ower formerly.
+
+'The time comes, an' the comp'ny is aal assembled i' the cock-pit at
+Bridgeton, grandfeythor, full o' beans an' bounce, backin' hissel'
+like a prize-fighter, takin' snuff an' handin' roon' the box to his
+friends, an' sayin' noo an' again, "Where's that dam' fellow
+Smithson?"
+
+'Well, the clock on the old tower was just on the stroke of ten, when
+in saunters Smithson, cool as a ha'penny ice, an' behind him, in green
+and gold liv'ries, come ten flunkies each wi' two big bags behind his
+shoulder, an' in each bag a tarr'ble fine fightin' cock.
+
+'Where he'd gathered them nobody knew save old Ned Stevison--an
+ancient old cock-fighter o' Bridgeton, who loved cocks more than many
+a man his missus. "The Moonlight Breed" he called them, but they had a
+strain of the famous old Lord Derby's breed i' them, and were blood
+uns to the bone.
+
+'Some half dozen were Stevison's own, but the remainder 'twas said he
+had stolen from awa doon Sooth for Smithson, an' anyways "Captain
+Moonlight" was his nickname ever afterwards.
+
+'Well, they weighs aal the cocks; from six to six and a half pounds
+their weight was to be, an' the fight commences.
+
+'Bob Stevison fought Smithson's cocks for him, an' grandfeythor fought
+his own, kneelin' doon on the cock-pit floor wiv his coat off so as to
+handle them the better.
+
+'The first two or three battles grandfeythor wins easy, Stevison using
+his warst cocks at the first, d'ye see, oot o' craft mevvies to get
+longer odds i' the bettin', so that at one time grandfeythor was five
+battles to two to the good; a bit later it was eight all, an' the
+excitement was immense, bets flyin' aboot like snowflakes at
+Christmas.
+
+'Then Stevison oots wiv a beauty--a perfect picture it was ov a
+fighter; eyes like a furnace at night, liftin' his legs like a Derby
+winner, wings an' tail clipped short--aal glossy wi' health an'
+shinin' like mahogany.
+
+'Stevison runs him up an' doon the floor to heat his blood, an' tweaks
+a feather doon from his rump--that was a clever trick he had, to
+madden his cock just before the start--an' holds him ready for the
+battle.
+
+'Then grandfeythor, he oots wiv his champion cock--"Stingo," he called
+him--an old favouryte ov his, a gran' bird too, six years old, an' a
+little past his prime mevvies, though he'd never lost a battle in his
+life.
+
+'As soon as they sees each other "Stingo" gies a bit triumphant crow,
+an' leans forward from his master's hand to try an' nip hold o' the
+other wiv his beak. The other says nowt, just looks at him wi' fiery
+eyes red hot wi' murder, an' as soon as ever his feet touch the
+sawdust bends low, then springs straight for Stingo, drivin' wiv his
+spur o' shinin' steel right for his heart.
+
+'Just i' the nick o' time Stingo leaps i' the air to meet him; there's
+a "click, click," "click, click," as o' daggers crossin', an' pantin'
+from the shock, doon sinks either bird to the ground.
+
+'Stevison's mouth was tremblin' like a bairn's as he took his
+favouryte up, for there was blood on his lower breast feathers, but
+Stingo wasn't touched ava, an' grandfeythor, puffed oot wi' pride,
+claps a bit mair o' the fam'ly property on to his champion.
+
+'It was a bit lesson for the other cock; he was just as determined as
+ever, but a bit quieter like; round an' round Stingo he goes like a
+prize-fighter, clickin' in noo an' again as he thought he saw his
+openin', an' when they grappled tegither wi' their beaks, though his
+comb was almost torn in two, he hammered for Stingo's eye as a
+blacksmith hammers on his anvil.
+
+'After about fifteen minutes neither cock could stand straight; at a
+distance you'd have said they was both as drunk as my lord; both were
+drippin' blood; Stingo had lost an' eye, an' neither o' t'other's were
+much use to him, bein' bunged up wi' bruised flesh. They staggered
+aboot here an' there; knocked up against each other in a blind-man's
+"beg-pardin" sort o' way. Every noo and again the Moonlight cock would
+pull himself together, hop feebly into the air, an' strike wiv his
+spurs, but as often as not the air was all he hit, for, his eyesight
+bein' aal askew, he couldn't aim straight, an' doon he would flop on
+his tail end, coughin' an' choakin' wi' blood--powerless, yet mad to
+gan on fightin'.
+
+'At the finish he gets Stingo pinned up against the cockpit bars, an',
+thinkin' he has him noo, gies a feeble craw, lifts hissel' into the
+air, an' claps for his heart wiv his spurs.
+
+'There was a bit clash in the held-breath stillness of the place, then
+a tiny moan, an', by Gox! there was Moonlight lyin' flat on his back
+on the sawdust wiv one leg broke in two an' danglin' wiv its spur like
+a watch-chain on his breast.
+
+'Such a hullaballoo as there was, grandfeythor yellin' like an Injun!
+"Pick up yo'r bird," he cries, "he's a dead un!" for there was Stingo
+a-top o' Moonlight peckin' at what was left ov his head-piece like a
+blackbird at a snail.
+
+'Stevison never moved, but his gills went flutterin' like those ov a
+dyin' fish; he couldn't speak, but I b'lieve he was prayin' for his
+favouryte.
+
+'A minute passed, then Moonlight comes to; he beats wiv his wings,
+struggles, crawls an inch or two, manages to shake off Stingo, then
+hoistin' hissel' up once again wiv his one leg an' wings slashes wiv
+his spur, and by the damn'dest luck lands it in Stingo's eye.
+
+'Doon in a motionless heap they falls, an' when they're separated
+Stingo's dead as a leg o' mutton.
+
+'The rest o' the comp'ny yells and shouts; some says Moonlight's a
+dead un, too, an' it's a drawn battle, an' grandfeythor, he swears his
+bird can still fight, while Stevison, unable to find his voice, picks
+up Moonlight, an' finally claps a great kiss on to the middle ov his
+back, an' when he sets him doon again wiv a drop brandy in his mouth
+he sets up a feeble craw of defiance, plainly axin', "Who the deevil
+says I's a dead un?"
+
+'After that it was all up wi' grandfeythor; the stuffin' seemed
+knocked oot o' him an' his cocks by the loss ov his favouryte, an' in
+the next battle another of his best birds had his heart squashed oot,
+like a ripe gooseberry, at the vary first encounter.
+
+'It was a black day that for grandfeythor, but, as I was sayin' at the
+start, he never gies in, an' he comforts hissel' wi' thinkin' he'd
+make matters square up an' a bit to spare by the shootin' match which
+was to follow in a fortnight's time.
+
+'Smithson had agreed to shoot off the match at Crozier Hall, for
+grandfeythor had aboot the best shootin' in the county at the time,
+an' there was one place famous for the grand shots ye got overhead
+between two woods planted on either side of a dene, ye ken.
+
+'There was stubbles an' beanfields usuallies beyond, an' the
+pheasants, when driven off, used to fly right across the haugh below
+over into the woods beyond--mevvies aboot two hundred yards awa'.
+
+'Well, the great day comes. A fine, sunshiny October day it was, wiv a
+bit o' wind from the west--the way the birds was to fly, ye ken, an' a
+tarr'ble big comp'ny was assembled to see grandfeythor gie "the
+furrinor" his gruel.
+
+'Grandfeythor was i' tremendous spirits that mornin', an' as full o'
+gob as a torkey-cock; nothin' could hold him; the world was a toy to
+him--like the geography chap[3] i' the bairns' books, ye ken--he felt
+sae tarr'ble strong an' healthy. "Eyeball clear as a bairn's," says
+he, "hand steady as a rock, digestion a marvel," an' he pats hissel'
+on the stomach as pleased as Punch.
+
+'They tosses as to who shoots first, an' the coin comes doon for
+grandfeythor, an' mighty delighted he was to be the first to shoot.
+There wasn't much chance o' grandfeythor's bettin' as much as he
+wished for, for naebody thought Smithson had a chanst, but what he
+could get he gobbled up like a hungry trout--fearfu' odds they
+was--six to one on himself he had to lay, an' often a bit more.
+
+'The match was for £1,000 a side, a hundred shots each at the first
+hundred pheasants within shot, an' the referee to decide any disputed
+points.
+
+'Grandfeythor takes up his stand aboot thirty yards awa' from the
+wood's edge; then the referee fires a pistol, the head-beater i' the
+wood above waves a white flag, an' there's a dead stillness as though
+we were aal i' church prayin'.
+
+'There was a big clump o' fir-trees standin' right oot from the thick
+o' the wood's edge about fifty yards off mevvies, an' two o' the firs
+stood oot high above their fellows, an' that was where the pheasants
+always broke oot, whizzin' up like rockets as they came ower the top
+o' them, an' it was just at that point that grandfeythor had always
+nicked them clever--just as they cleared the rise of the topmost tree,
+ye ken, an' started on their level flight for the opposite side. If ye
+missed them i' front ye hadn't much chanst behind, for they swept awa'
+like lightnin' doon the wind before ye could get turned round. Well,
+aal was stillness as I said, when sudden there comes a far-away cry
+through the clear air--"Cock forrard, cock forrard!" an' in another
+two seconds there comes a clap o' wings from above. Bang! gans
+grandfeythor's gun, as a fine cock sweeps overhead. "D----!" says he,
+wiv a flush on his cheek; for aal there was to show was some
+half-dozen tail feathers left twirlin', as if in mock'ry, forty yards
+in the air above him.
+
+'"Cock forrard, cock forrard!" comes the cry again, an' grandfeythor
+grips a firmer stand wiv his feet, an' grasps his weapon a bit tighter
+than before. Bang, bang! this time, an' the cock gies a frightful
+lurch as though about to fall headlong, but steadies hissel', rises a
+bit, an' wins over to the other side.
+
+'"H----!" yells grandfeythor, trembling wi' rage, an' stamps upon the
+ground. "Cock forrard, cock forrard!" again comes the beater's cry,
+an' half a dozen come flightin' overhead at once.
+
+'Bang! once again, an' grandfeythor wiv a groan flings his gun to the
+ground, for he had missed altogether that time.
+
+'"I'm fair bewitched," he cries, and aal the while the pheasants were
+streamin' overhead.
+
+'He trembled aal over, an' we thought he was gannin' to have a fit,
+for his brow was damp wi' drops o' sweat, an' his eye wild an' glassy.
+"Thoo damned fellow," he cries, glancing round at Smithson, an' takes
+a step towards him, "thoo's cozened me somehow, thoo must have
+poisoned my beer!" he yells.
+
+'"Steady, sir, for God's sake, steady!" says the keeper in his ear,
+an' offers him his gun again ready loaded for another shot, for aal
+the while the pheasants came liftin' above their heads.
+
+'Well, he takes it up again, looks at it an' feels as though he didn't
+recognise it, as though it had injured him somehow, an', tremblin' aal
+over, takes up a stand again. After a shot or two he kills one in
+beautiful style, an' gradually getting back a bit o' confidence he
+gets warmed up, an' at the finish he has seventy-five oot o' the
+hundred--oot o' the last twenty never missin' one.
+
+'And noo it was Smithson's turn.
+
+'He makes a splendid start, wipin' up the first fifteen birds wivvoot
+an error; after that again the pheasants come wilder, an' gettin'
+flurried belike, he tailors them. Then he gets steadied once more, an'
+at the finish has ten cartridges left an' seventy birds doon.
+
+'A wunnerfu' chap for nerve he was, was Smithson; the mair excitement
+the cooler he gets.
+
+'A hen pheasant comes sailin' awa' to the right some sixty yards off.
+
+'"In shot?" asked he, as though he were passin' the time o' day.
+
+'"Shoot," cries the referee, an' ping, ping! gans two cartridges, but
+he cannot stop her, she was ower far off, though she left a trail o'
+feathers ahint her.
+
+'He gets another fearfu' hard one to the left this time, an' it takes
+two cartridges to settle number seventy-one--six cartridges left an'
+five birds to bag.
+
+'Wow! but the excitement was painfu', an' folks fell to bettin' i'
+quick whispers, "Two to one against Smithson," an' he takes it wiv a
+nod, smilin' if you please.
+
+'The next three he gets, then he misses a longish shot, two cartridges
+left an' two birds to knock doon.
+
+'Here they come--two cocks high together overhead--be-eauties; suthin'
+seems wrang wi' trigger or cartridge, an' Smithson misses first
+barrel.
+
+'"I've won!" yells grandfeythor, an' tosses his cap i' the air. Bang!
+says Smithson's second barrel, an' doon comes the two cock pheasants
+togither. The first had swerved, d'ye see, an' jostled up against the
+second, an' Smithson cops 'em both wiv his last cartridge an' wins on
+the post, seventy-six to seventy-five. Gox! but it was the nearest
+touch an' go thing ever seen i' the North Country, I's warn'd, an' wi'
+that last cartridge bang gans Crozier Hall.'
+
+'Was there any trickery?' I inquired; 'had Smithson tampered with your
+grandfather's cartridges, for instance?'
+
+'No, he'd not done that; he couldn't ha' done that, but he had tricked
+grandfeythor a bit, though it wasn't found out till afterwards.
+
+'The way of it was this: Smithson was a d----d clever feller, ye ken,
+an' knowin' as he did that grandfeythor had a wunnerfu' way o' pickin'
+off the pheasants just as they came over the topmost trees, he had
+sent two or three o' his men i' the night-time, an' had fixed up a
+young fir right on to the top o' the highest tree, so that Mr.
+Pheasant had to rise another six feet afore he cam' ower.
+
+'Well, this was just enough to put grandfeythor oot ov his reckonin's,
+an' when he misses the first one, as he'd never done before, he cannot
+make it oot, he went clean flustered, thought he must have had a
+stroke, an' swore he was bewitched, or poisoned, or such like.
+
+'It was a crool thing to do, but it wasn't exactly what ye could call
+a Jew's swindle--but, damn Smithson aal the same, I says; for here's
+me, Geordie Crozier, left a po'r orphin i' the warld wi' none o' his
+fam'ly property to belang to him, 'cept two gifts--the yen for
+drinkin' an' t'other for gamblin', an' it's damn Smithson, says I.'
+
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[1] Northumberland Plate, or Pitmen's Derby.
+
+[2] 'Mevvies' = maybe, perhaps. The true Northumbrian is in a
+threefold danger of betraying his origin: phonetically, by the 'burr';
+dialectically, by constant use of 'mevvies,' 'wor' (our), and 'I's
+warned' (I warrant you); psychologically, by a perpetual readiness to
+back himself, his dog, or any of his belongings, against any other
+man's in the world, and for any amount, at a moment's notice.
+
+[3] Atlas, presumably.
+
+
+
+
+THE SQUIRE'S LAST RIDE
+
+
+'Ay, that's the priest, the Catholic Priest,' said Eph Milburn, after
+a white-haired, cassock-clad old gentleman, who had nodded slightly in
+reply to my companion's greeting, had passed over the bridge and
+departed out of hearing.
+
+'He looks as if butter wouldn't melt in his mouth now,' continued
+Milburn, a long-legged, ruddy-bearded, hawk-eyed son of the moorlands,
+'and aal his time nowadays he spends in his garden over his bees or
+his flowers, or thumbing his Mass-book in his library; but it wasn't
+so once-a-day, not he, not when the old Squire was above ground, and
+he came up by to stop wiv him.
+
+'Ye'll have heard tell o' the old Squire an' aal his goin's on, I'll
+be bound? Ay, o' course, but there's one thing nobody kens o', not
+even Father Blenkinsop, and that's where the Squire's bones are lyin',
+for they never found his body, ye ken.
+
+'Squire Dally was the last o' the fam'ly that had lived in the old
+Pele Tower o' Dally from generation to generation, and he was the
+wildest o' a wild lot--riders an' reivers in the old times, canny hard
+fox-hunters, drinkers, an' gam'lers this century. They were bound to
+get through their property soon or late, an' the last Squire, Tom
+Dally o' Dally, he says, "I leave my property tiv a South-countryman?
+Not I, by Gad!" says he; "why, damme, but I'll cheat him yet," an' sae
+he spends hissel' right an' left on any mortal thing he took a fancy
+for.
+
+'The Hall--which was an old Pele wi' two wings added, ye ken--an' a
+good bit o' the property, had gone before that. The last Squire's
+grandfeythor had got shot o' that, the mortgages on it bein' far ower
+heavy to keep up; but there was still a fair property left, an' a nice
+canny house that had once been a dower-house, an' was now a farm, an'
+that was where Squire Tom lived with his fighting-cocks, an' his
+hounds, an' his hawks an' aal.
+
+'His missus had died early, ye ken, an' that had been the ruin ov him,
+for she was a clivvor woman, wiv a turn o' management--just what ye
+would call good hands i' the matter ov a horse; that was her faculty,
+an' she was a bonny-featured woman for-bye.
+
+'Ay, she could manage him fine.
+
+'There was a grand scene, 'twas always said, when he brings her home
+after their furrin' tower, an' one night, bein' merry wiv his bottle,
+he forgets hissel', an' swears at her before company. Up she gets
+swiftly, pale, but determined, an' leanin' a wee bit ower the table
+she speaks straight at him. "Tom," she says, "you forget yourself; and
+until you apologize to me for your rudeness I'll sit no more at table
+wi' ye," an' oot she gans frae the dining-room, haughty as the Queen
+in Scripture, leavin' the Squire gapin' an' speechless, never havin'
+been treated that fashion before.
+
+'There was two or three other men wiv him dinin' that night, an' on
+they sat drinkin' steadily, the Squire in a towerin' temper aal the
+while, noo damnin' hissel', next cursin' his neighbour, an' backin'
+his horses, an' hawks, an' hissel', wi' gun an' rod, against anyone,
+or the lot o' them together.
+
+'They tried to soothe him a bit, but the mair they tried the hotter he
+got, an' had the Pope hissel' been his visitor that night, Squire Tom
+would have d----d him too, an' been glad o' the opportunity. After a
+bit mair snarling an' sneerin', an' snappin' he sits quiet for a
+while, then he glares round at his guest friends, an' he cries:
+
+'"Ye're nowt better than a lot o' 'momenty morries,'"--meanin'
+skeletons, ye ken--"the wife's worth the whole boilin' o' ye, an' I'm
+d----d if I don't apologize," an' he glared round to see if anyone
+would dare laugh at him for't; but no one spoke save a little fam'ly
+lawyer chap, up for the night frae the toon, an' he chirrups up an' he
+says, "Qui' right, qui' right," he hiccoughs, an' the Squire glares
+right through him as he growls, "When I ask ye for an opinion I pay ye
+for't, but if ye advise me unasked again, I'll fling ye oot at
+window," he says.
+
+'Sae oot he strides into the hall, an' cries up the stairs: "Nell, my
+lass, Nell, ho-way doon, an' I'll apologize to ye, ay, d----, I will,"
+an' doon she comes, an' on tiv his knees he gans, an' she holds oot
+her hand, an' the Squire he kisses it like a lover.
+
+'Well, she manages him clivvor, but in her first child-bed she was
+taken ill, poor lady, an' dies vary shortly, leavin' him wiv a baby
+girl.
+
+'After that the Squire was never the same man again. He turned
+reckless, for what was the use ov "a filly" to him, he says; an'
+havin' no son an' heir to live an' save for, he sets hissel' to spend
+aal he can an' spite his next o' kin--a barrister chap in London toon,
+whom he hated for bein' no sportsman--"a priest-faced, pauper chap iv
+a black gown an' wig," he called him, an' no love was lost between the
+pair o' them. He was a good bit older than the Squire, an' had a
+largish fam'ly, the second son bein' none other than Father
+Blenkinsop--the priest that's just passed us by.
+
+'He was the only one the Squire could take up wi' at aal, an' as a boy
+he was often there for shootin', an' huntin', an' fishin', though his
+father liked ill his bein' there, for fear o' his gettin' into bad
+ways under the Squire's guidance, who was gettin' wilder an' wilder
+wiv every year that passed. He was just a boy then, was Father
+Blenkinsop, havin' left his schoolin', an' bein' aboot to gan tiv a
+college to be turned into a Jesu-yte, an' nowt pleased the Squire
+mair, after a long day's huntin' or hawkin', than to fill the lad up
+wi' liquor an' sneer at religion, an' Mass, an' priests, an' aal.
+
+'"Chuck it, my boy, chuck it," he would say, clappin' him on the
+shoulder, as he passed the bottle about. "Divv'nt put on the black
+petticoat; ye're ower much ov a man for that. Ye can ride, an' ye can
+shoot, an' ye can look a gal i' the face, an' ye can crack a bottle,
+but if ye turn priest, ye'll neither be man nor woman, but a ---- bad
+mixture o' both."
+
+'So he would talk o' nights, pourin' oot his ribaldries an' drinkin'
+doon his wine, yet never gettin' fair drunk; for he had a marvellous
+stomach for liquor, had the Squire--no butt o' Malmsey wine could ever
+have drooned him, I's warn'd--an' the only way he betrayed himself was
+by gettin' a bit hotter i' the face an' fiercer i' his talk.
+
+'Well, one night he vexed his young cousin beyond bearin'--what wi'
+blackguardin' his father an' his mother, an' wi' one thing an'
+another--an' sudden the boy leaps up--mevvies he was a little above
+hissel' wi' liquor that evenin'--an' he bangs wiv his fist on the
+table, an' he cries, "Look here, Cousin Tom, I'll stand it no longer,
+an' to prove I'm no coward, I'll challenge ye to ride to the big Black
+Stone on Glowrorum Fell an' back across the Moor this very night."
+
+'"Done wi' ye, lad, done wi' ye!" shouts the Squire, bangin' wiv his
+fist in his turn, "an' I'll tell ye what the stakes shall be. If I
+win, you chuck the Jesu-yte business an' come an' live wi' me, an' if
+you win, you can take your pick o' the horses i' my stable. Agreed?"
+
+'"Ay!" shouted the boy recklessly; "done wi' ye."
+
+'Fifteen minutes after this the two o' them starts off with a wild
+hallo up the brae side, an' so across the Moor, the Squire "yoickin'"
+an' "tally-hooin'" as he went.
+
+'The Moor was mevvies aboot two miles across--an' a tarr'ble bad place
+for hard gallopin', for there was a stone wall or two i' the middle
+o't, bogs to the left hand, an' some old workin's--pit-shafts or the
+like--to the right.
+
+'So right across Towlerhirst Moor they galloped--hell-to-leather--the
+Squire to the right an' the boy to the left.
+
+'Tom Brewis, the old herd up at Windyneuk, happened to be passin'
+along the sheep-track that leads by the Moor edge that night, an'
+hearin' the sound ov a horse gallopin', an' a lively hollerin' as tho'
+to a pack o' hounds, he comes across a bit to find oot what it might
+be.
+
+'It was a dampish, daggyish sort o' night, but at times there was a
+drift o' moonlight, an' in one o' thae glimpses he caught a sight ov a
+dark figure on horseback, aboot two hundred yards from him, tryin' to
+jump a big black horse across one o' thae open shafts. "You won't,
+won't you? Then d---- ye, ye ---- black de'il, ye shall!" an' clappin'
+his spurs deep into his sides, an' layin' his huntin' crop aboot his
+ears, he forced him some paces backward an' sent him at it again.
+
+'It was a big black stallion he was ridin'--a fiery-tempered brute, a
+proper match for the Squire--an' up he reared on end, fightin' him,
+shriekin' wi' pain an' rage; but he couldn't get shot ov his rider, so
+wiv a sudden bound he starts forward an' tries to clear the shaft wiv
+one great leap.
+
+'Just at that moment the moonlight faded, an' Tom Brewis couldn't tell
+exactly what happened, but he saw a dark mass leapin', he heard a
+rattle o' stones, then a heavy thud deep down somewhere, a sort o'
+splash, an' aal was still.
+
+'Tom stands there aal a-gliff wi' terror, half dazed, not kennin'
+whether he can have seen or heard aright; then, pullin' hissel'
+together, walks slowly thither to see if any trace can be seen of
+horse or rider.
+
+'But there wasn't a one--neither o' horse nor Squire--nowt but a
+tramplin' o' horse's hoofs an' a white gash as o' a half horse-shoe on
+a big boulder o' rock two feet below the surface t'other side. Sae Tom
+gans slowly back, an' doon to the Squire's house to find if he can
+hear anything ov him doon there; for he half hoped it might be a sort
+o' dream after aal.
+
+'Just as he gets to the door a figure comes up the drive leadin' to
+the house, draggin' a lame horse after him, an' "Ha ye seen anything
+o' the Squire?" it shouts at him. "No-o," says Tom, startled-like,
+"that was just what I was comin' to ask for myself;" an' he peers
+through the shadows to see who his questioner could be, an' recognises
+Master Fred, the Squire's cousin, bleedin' frae a wound i' the head,
+an' leadin' a horse wi' two fearfu' broken knees.
+
+'He win his wager,' concluded my companion slowly, 'but after that
+ride he was never the lad he had been before, an' perhaps it's
+scarcely likely that he should be, I'm thinkin'.'
+
+
+
+
+À L'OUTRANCE
+
+
+We were standing on the fencing-room floor--Jake Carruthers and
+I--leaning our backs against the armoury, our foils still in our
+hands, slowly recovering our breath, after a rapier and dagger contest
+which had lasted a good half-hour.
+
+He was much less 'winded' than myself, for all his sixty-five years;
+and as I had positively worn myself out against his iron wrist I was
+delighted to gain a breathing space, and occupied the time in drawing
+out from my companion some old-time memories of the fencing floor.
+
+'Have you ever seen a duel?' I inquired. 'I don't mean a semi-drunken,
+nose-chopping bout, or a garden-party affair, with coffee and
+liqueurs, as in France, but a genuine "throat-cutting, blood-letting"
+matter, such as Porthos or D'Artagnan would have loved?'
+
+'No,' replied Jake reflectively, drawing the length of his foil
+lovingly along the soft sleeve of his jacket; 'the time's past, I
+doubt, for that sort of performance. The Divorce Court is what "my
+lord" appeals to nowadays for "satisfaction," and Trimmer Joe or
+Bricklayer Tom, they just "bash" the trespasser upon their family
+preserves on the head, and there's an end on't.
+
+'The cleverest, best-fought fight I ever saw--and I believe there was
+a bit something of what you're meanin' in it--was, strange to say,
+twixt a man and a woman--leastways, a gentleman an' a lady. It was a
+fair battle, proper fightin' on her side; for she was sworn to win,
+and sair wishful to punish him, I's warn'd; and he, though he was
+tarr'ble keen to win too, found it took him all his time to keep her
+from letting daylight into him--an', by the way, this is the varra
+tale ye used always to be askin' for, an' I'll tell it ye noo, for
+ye've improved i' your fencin', I'm thinkin', since ye began. You'll
+have heard tell of Squire Dennington of Dennington Hall? A great rider
+he was once, and a sportsman generally--"Jockey Jack" his own private
+friends called him, and his horse, "Pit Laddie"--ye'll heard of
+him?--won the "Plate" some thirty years back.
+
+'Well, his lady, Mrs. Dennington, was just the proudest woman in the
+whole county of Northumberland--scarcely what ye would call "bonny,"
+but just tarr'ble handsome, and the Squire, he fair worships her. He
+had married her in Berlin, and there was some queer odds an' ends o'
+stories about her, but he'd never have hearkened to them any more than
+he would listen to anyone shoutin' to him the way to go out hunting.
+
+'He was in the army at that time, ye ken--the Northumberland
+Fusiliers, "The Old and Bold," with "Where the Fates calls ye" in
+Latin for their motto--and I was his man-servant, joining the army
+along of him, as my forbears had often done with his forbears
+beforetime.
+
+'The Squire had to go out to Berlin with his mother, and he gets leave
+for me to accompany him, and there it was that he met with his lady
+that was to be--Miss Maxwell as she was then.
+
+'She was the handsomest woman in Berlin, 'twas said, but quite poor,
+living as a companion with the wife of one of the Ambassador's party,
+being a kind of cousin, and many were the stories about her.
+
+'Gossip said that one of them grand dukes with a name a yard long had
+wanted her for his mistress, but when he made his proposition he got
+such an answer that he never dared speak to her again. Then it was
+reported that she was engaged to the Ambassador's chief secretary,
+Oxencourt his name was--Sir Henry Oxencourt as he is now--and that she
+had even run away with him, but that at the last moment he turned
+round and said that he couldn't afford to marry her till his father
+died, so there and then she leaves him, walks the night through till
+she can get a conveyance, and arrives just in time to stay the mouth
+of scandal from ruining her reputation.
+
+'Well, the Squire meets her, falls desperately into love--for he cares
+nothing for gossips--and in three weeks' time she accepts him for good
+and all.
+
+'They marries at once, and travel for a year or more, and finally
+settle down at Dennington Hall.
+
+'The Squire after a bit sends for me, buys my discharge, makes me his
+body-servant, and sets up the old banqueting-room as a fencing
+hall--for he was always tarr'ble keen at fencing, boxing,
+single-stick, and all manly sports--and it was part of my duty to give
+them both a turn of fencing most mornings of the week.
+
+'Well, one winter, after about three years of marriage, the Squire
+goes off to Algeria to shoot gazelle, leaving Mrs. Dennington and his
+sister behind at the Hall, and he hadn't been gone more than a week
+before Sir Henry Oxencourt turns up at the Hall.
+
+'Well, when I see him there, I was fair dismayed, for I kenned nicely
+there was but one thing he could be wantin', for his repute in the
+matter of women was notorious. Forbye that ancient gossip at Berlin
+had always reported that he had been mad at missing his chance with
+her, and had sworn he would win her back again--get her a divorce and
+marry her himself at the finish.
+
+'His father had died since then, and he was now a rich man, and as
+handsome and masterful a man as ever I saw in my life.
+
+'Well, he comes and he courts her the live-long day, quiet-like and
+respectful, but never missing an opportunity, and she seems to enjoy
+his company. They go out hunting together; she dares him to jump this
+and he dares her to jump that, and so the play goes on, and all the
+while I was fearing he was getting a fast hold upon her, for she liked
+power and was tarr'ble ambitious, and Sir Henry, they said, might have
+been one of the cleverest diplomatists in the world if he could but
+have kept clear of women.
+
+'It was easy to see that he was just mad keen for her, but I was not
+so sure after a bit that she was so keen for him. It seemed to me she
+was leading him on, and leading him on, but with what purpose I
+couldn't guess.
+
+'Well, one afternoon she comes to me and she says, off-hand like, "Sir
+Henry Oxencourt would like to show me some new tricks of fence he has
+learnt abroad; kindly see that the fencing-room is in order to-night,
+and, by the way, I want to show him the pair of duelling rapiers, with
+the silver foxes on the hilts, that Mr. Dennington is so fond of."
+
+'Well, all afternoon I wondered what it meant; for though her manner
+was cool enough, there was something curious about my mistress's
+expression as she gave her orders.
+
+'"If possible," I thinks to myself, "I'll have a peep also at Sir
+Henry's tricks to-night," and as I polished up the rapiers that
+afternoon I thought of the story the Squire used to tell of them. One
+of them had a stain on the "foible" which would not come out for any
+quantity of rubbing--it was the blood, the Squire said, of a certain
+"Black Rutherford," who had made love to the then Lady Dennington when
+her Knight was away fighting for King Charlie. Sir John comes back,
+having heard about it, but says nothing, and asks him to dinner; they
+have a game of cards after; Sir John accuses him of cheating, and
+there and then in the banqueting-hall they have a set-to with their
+rapiers before my lady's eyes; in five minutes Sir John disarms him,
+and before the rapier touches the floor, runs him clean through the
+right lung and out below the shoulder-blade.
+
+'Well, after taking in coffee that evening, I went to the
+fencing-room, and on the pretence of looking after the fire, mending
+jackets, straightening masks, and so forth, stayed on there till about
+ten o'clock, when in comes Mrs. Dennington, followed by Sir Henry.
+
+'She gives a sort of start when she sees me, then she says curtly,
+"You needn't stay, Carruthers," and walks past me into the middle of
+the room.
+
+'Well, I felt bound to see that fencing, whatever it might be, and the
+only way I could manage it was to go round and up to the old
+musicians' gallery at the southern end. If I could open the door
+without attracting notice, I might then lie down at full length and
+see pretty well what was going on below.
+
+'It took me the best part of five minutes to open the door and squeeze
+through, and when I had crawled to the ledge and looked over, the two
+combatants were just about to begin.
+
+'"Put the letters on the mantelpiece," I could hear her say with a
+curiously strung tone to her voice, and Sir Henry bowed in a mocking
+sort of way. Then he says slowly, after having walked to the
+chimney-piece and placed a packet on the shelf: "But it is not quite
+fair, of course, for you cannot see your stakes, whereas I--I have
+mine before my eyes at the end of my blade--the most beautiful stakes
+in Europe," and he bowed again to Madame with an air of gallantry and
+passion and arrogance all in one.
+
+'For reply the mistress only gave a quick nod with her head, nervous,
+impatient, like a racehorse that must be away.
+
+'I daren't do more than peep over now and again, for the lights were
+bright below, and I was afraid of being caught; but I could see that
+she was in a state of great excitement, while he was cool in
+comparison with her, and wore a proud, triumphing sort of air, as of
+one who knows full well he has the victory in his grasp.
+
+'They walk to the centre of the hall and take their stands. They "take
+length," and then salute--she, swiftly, nervously, he in a foreign,
+bravado sort of fashion.
+
+'"First blood," says Sir Henry, "and the stakes are won," saluting
+once again in a vainglorious way he had.
+
+'"Yes, but not for a scratch," replies my lady swiftly. Then they
+cross rapiers, and the play begins.
+
+'My sangs! but it wasn't a play at all, it was a reg'ler battle, a
+fair duello, and it was all Sir Henry could do to hold his own. They
+had engaged in "quatre," and no sooner had blades touched than she
+disengages and feints in "tierce"; then, with an amazing swiftness,
+she disengages again, and lunges full at him in "sixte"; carelessly he
+parries with "sixte," and in a flash she disengages again, "beats" his
+blade downwards, and, for all but a biscuit, has him disarmed. He
+loses hold of his weapon, his fingers slipping from the quillons, but
+catches it in mid-air before it drops, leaps back a yard, parrying
+another lunge clever with his left hand as he does so.
+
+'"'Tis a dirty Italian trick ye have learnt! they haven't improved ye
+abroad!" my lady sneers at him.
+
+'Now, had she been but one flash of an eye quicker with her lunge
+after the "beat," she'd have had him in "quatre" nicely, but she
+hadn't thought she could disarm him so easy, and she just missed her
+chance. Sir Henry, though, had had his lesson; he drops his careless,
+tempting manner, such as a professor tries a beginner with, and fights
+cooler and more careful, chucking his bravado airs, for it's dead in
+earnest she is, and no mere stage-play for the gallery.
+
+'On she comes again like a tigress, evidently trying to "rush" him,
+and back and back she presses him till the pair o' them's right under
+the gallery where I was lying. I had my head right through the bars by
+that time, I was so keen to see the fight, and it was only by stuffing
+my handkerchief into my mouth that I could stop myself from shouting
+advice and encouragement to her, she fought so desperate keen and with
+such a wild-cat pluck.
+
+'It wasn't exactly scientific, her fencing, it was too rash and
+all-for-victory straight away, but it was grand to see her flashing
+her rapier in and out, flickering like a serpent's tongue, and all the
+while her graceful limbs moved softly, swiftly, like a panther's,
+beneath her silken evening dress.
+
+'Once Sir Henry's foot slipped, and in she comes like a knife, and he
+only escapes by adopting another Italian trick--that of dropping with
+the left hand to the floor. She still presses him harder than ever,
+and I could hear her breathing hotly, "heck, heck," like an angered
+hawk. Then swift he "binds" with her, but he does it over-viciously
+and pays for it, for she's agile as a cat, and freeing herself with a
+leap backward, suddenly with a lightning-like "cut-over" touches him
+on the sword arm, and though he wouldn't acknowledge it, I knew she'd
+pricked him, and I could tell that it had roused him to anger in his
+turn. "You she-devil!" I heard him hiss between his teeth, and now he
+turned to the offensive himself.
+
+'He was at a disadvantage, though, for he didn't want to hurt her
+badly, being a woman, so he tries to disarm her, and give her some
+slight wound on the sword arm, or high in "quatre" or "tierce."
+
+'That was no good, as I could have told him nicely, for she had the
+strongest and supplest wrist of any woman ever I saw, and forbye that,
+disarming can only be done by taking your opponent unawares, and she
+kenned nicely what he was after.
+
+'Then sudden he gies it up, seeing the uselessness o't, and tries a
+brute strength game, waits his chance till he can lift up her blade,
+and then thrusts sideways so as to pink her high in the shoulder, but
+she twists aside and it only just touches her through the sleeve.
+"First blood!" he shouts triumphantly, "the stakes are mine," with a
+low bow and a sweep o' the sword arm. "Phit!" she cries passionately;
+"it's only a scratch," and she comes again at him with a bound.
+
+'Then he loses his temper a bit, I think, for his own sword arm was
+bleeding, as I knew well, for I saw a drop or two of blood on the
+floor and his hand was crimson forbye. So he comes to meet her,
+quickly driving her back in turn, plying his rapier this way and that
+fiercely, just missing her by a hair's breadth to frighten her, till
+he could have her at his mercy, and then he tries a "cut-over" in
+"tierce," swift as a meteor, pressing his "fort" strongly against her
+"foible," and would have been home sure as fate had not his foot
+slipped on a drop of blood on the floor. Up flies his rapier idly--she
+with a sudden flip tosses it higher still, and with a leap, by Gox!
+she ran him through in "seconde"--just above his right hip.
+
+'"Hurroo!" shouts I, through my handkerchief and all. "Clever,
+clever!" for it was splendidly done--scientific, exact, just
+perfection.
+
+'There Sir Henry lay in a swoon upon the floor, for no doubt the pain
+and the shock together would be immense, while my mistress, she just
+takes one look at him, then wipes her rapier swift upon her
+handkerchief, takes up Sir Henry's also, and places them against the
+rack in the armoury, takes down two foils, throws one on the floor,
+breaks the other in two and flings the pieces down beside its fellow.
+Then swift as ever she goes to the mantelpiece, takes up the bundle of
+letters and chucks them into the fire.
+
+'She watches them burn for a moment, then presses the electric bell
+close by, and just as John the footman walks in at the door Sir Henry
+comes to himself, and lifts himself up on to his elbow off the floor.
+
+'"Help Sir Henry Oxencourt up to his room," says she, cool as a
+cucumber, "and tell Carruthers to attend to him, and to send for the
+doctor, if necessary. A foil broke as we fenced, and Sir Henry, I
+fear, has suffered through the accident."
+
+'John stares with an open mouth, but a peremptory "Don't you
+understand?" from his mistress wakes him up, and he goes and helps Sir
+Henry up, who therewith slowly rises, and, resting one hand on John's
+shoulder, without one word limps away.
+
+'The door shuts, and Mistress Dennington turns slowly to the fire, her
+eyes glued to them letters burning blackly amongst the coals. As she
+watches she takes a cigarette from a box on the mantelshelf, lights
+it, and I heard her say to herself, "You fool!" then she smokes a puff
+or two and again she says, "You fool!" and therewith taps her foot
+smartly on the floor.'
+
+'But what do you think she meant by "fool"?' I here interrupted.
+
+'Well,' replied Jake slowly, 'I've often asked myself that very
+question, and what I believe she meant was something o' this sort:
+"Fool not to take your chance--and such a chance!--when you had it,
+and Fool again, for not knowing me better than to think that of me
+when 'twas too late."'
+
+'And now one more question,' I said, for Jake was preluding with his
+weapon once again, evidently anxious to commence another bout. 'Did
+you ever tell the Squire?'
+
+'No, not exactly,' replied he, 'but I gave him a hint, and bank-notes
+wouldn't have bought that rapier after that, and there it still hangs
+in Dennington Hall in the armoury, I believe, though I haven't been
+there since the Squire died and I set up as a Maître d'Armes in
+Oldcastle here. The mistress, though, she's still alive, but she never
+cared for Northumberland--"so dull," says she, and goes and diverts
+herself in London town. And now no more talk. Gardez-vous, M'sieur--en
+garde, s'il vous plaît,' and with a smile he struck my foil upon the
+floor.
+
+
+
+
+'T'OWD SQUIRE'
+
+
+'No, I never saw him, not the old Squire--"t'owd Squire," as they
+called him; but grandfather, he was thick with him, bein' the oldest
+farmer in the dale an' pretty nigh a gentleman hisself in those days;
+he was master of the 'ounds, d'ye see, when they was a trencher-fed
+pack--that was before Squire Heron took them over to t' new kennels at
+The Ford.
+
+'Well, I done some pretty fair jumps myself at one time an' another in
+t' ring or steeple-chasin', but 'twas nowt to what he done, not even
+when a mare I was ridin' jumped over a wall an' fifteen feet into t'
+quarry t' other side.
+
+'There's a pretty tidy place at t' bottom o' that field'--pointing to
+a low-lying, marshy expanse on the left that rose at the end to a high
+bank--'that he jumped one afternoon in cold blood which five out of
+six wouldn't have touched in warm, but at t' end of his time he was
+reckless--almost to touch on madness, so grandfather always said. But
+if ye'll bide here three minutes till I've seen the mare looked to
+properly I'll tell ye a tale of t' Squire--same as grandfather told it
+me.'
+
+So saying Jack Skelton cantered round to the farm, where he was now
+employed as horse-breaker and showyard rider, while I strolled down to
+view the leap at the end of the field till he was free to join me. I
+could see The Ford opposite to me as I walked along--a square keep
+flanked with castellated wings rising proudly amongst its trees beyond
+the winding river in a circle of fir-clad hills.
+
+'The old Squire's' daughter lived there now with her husband, who had
+taken her name on his marriage, but they were childless, and the
+ancient race of Herons seemed destined to become extinct.
+
+Arrived at the bank I saw a formidable gulf open below me, with a soft
+and rotten landing on the further side, some fourteen feet across, the
+space between oozy with marsh mud and choked drains. '"All hope
+abandon ye who enter here,"' I quoted aloud, just as Jack Skelton came
+up to me.
+
+'Ay,' he chuckled, 'it would be a job for a contractor to get a horse
+an' man out o' that, an' after that I'll lay odds but the laundry-maid
+would give her notice.
+
+'It was a great big, seventeen hands horse he had that he jumped it
+with--an ugly devil to look at, light roan in colour, but up to any
+weight an' absolutely fearless. All ye had to do, as grandfather used
+to say, was to lay t' reins on his neck, and straight across country
+he'd go like a bird.
+
+'He hadn't always been such a fierce one to go, hadn't t' Squire, and
+what changed his temper was what I was goin' to tell ye.
+
+'There was a woman in it, d'ye see, an' that woman his wife. When
+first they was married no couple in broad Yorkshire was happier, as
+folk thought. She was a handsome lass and clever at book-larnin' an'
+suchlike, ambitious, too, like the clever ones usually are; but at
+first she was all for sport an' huntin', same as t'owd Squire, and
+where he went she mostly followed him, bein' as well mounted as
+himself. As for t'owd Squire, he was t' happiest man alive in those
+days--used to slap grandfather on t' back an' cry, after a steaming
+run, t' fox's mask in his hand ready to tie on to his missus's saddle,
+"By ----, Skelton, but she's the straightest woman rider in England,
+whether in or out o' t' shires."
+
+'Yet for all that his happiness was short-lived, for after a son was
+born to him Mistress Heron seemed to lose heart for huntin'--her
+narves, she said, had gone wrong with her; but grandfather always
+upheld that she'd grown tired of her husband. She was a clever woman,
+as I said, an' ambitious; an' 'twas reported that she'd been forced to
+marry wi' t'owd Squire by her mother in Lunnon town--he bein' as rich
+as "Creases"--whilst the man she really favoured hadn't a penny beyond
+what his wits might bring him in. For a bit the excitement of huntin'
+had been enough for her, an' spendin' t' Squire's brass, t' big house,
+an' t' novelty; but after t' son was born she grew dissatisfied an'
+took a dislike to her life. Consequence was that she took up with a
+young man called Cunliffe, that lived over at The Tower--right away on
+that hillside over there, about two miles west of us--ye can see it
+against trees from Heronsford easy.
+
+'The place had been bought by his father, who made money in trade at
+Ironopolis, an' he'd just got himself elected into Parliament, an' was
+like to get on at it, 'twas said, bein' one of them ready-witted,
+oily-tongued chaps that never go quite straight, but gallop along t'
+roads an' sneak through gates, an' then swagger on at t' kill. Ay,
+there's none "who-oops" an' "tally-hos" louder than them.
+
+'T'owd Squire, on t'other hand, was one of t' owd-fashioned sort, and
+said what he meant always, an' clapped an oath on t' back of it; hated
+Lunnon, an' Lunnon ways, lived for huntin' an' shootin' an' country
+pursuits, an' drank a bottle of port wine reg'lar every evenin' to his
+own cheek. He wasn't over well educated neither, havin' all his life
+lived almost entirely at home; no scholar savin' a vast knowledge of
+the stud-book, farriery, an' horse-breedin', which was a sort o'
+larnin' that Mistress Heron didn't care a button about. Well, things
+went gradually askew between the two, she always wantin' fresh company
+in t' house, an' him hatin' society ways like poison.
+
+'Amongst others she took up with was this young Member o' Parliament,
+Cunliffe, an' often he would be over an' dinin' with them; he could
+sing a bit, an' she was fond of t' piano, an' they would play on
+together in t' drawing-room while t' Squire sat over his mahog'ny
+passin' t' bottle round, talkin' over t' 'untin', layin' wagers with
+his own particular cronies of the red-faced, good-hearted,
+rough-tongued, fox-'untin' Yorkshire style.
+
+'Well, t'owd Squire couldn't stomach young Cunliffe at all; for in the
+first place he was a poor rider to 'ounds, never jumped owt if he
+could help it, was a mean chap with his brass, an' had a supercilious
+way o' talk about him that angered t' Squire fearful. Add to this that
+he was always comin' over to sweetheart his missus, an' you can
+imagine how ill the two men would agree.
+
+'Well, one night they was sitting playin' cards after dinner, an'
+Mistress Heron was lookin' on at them. T' Squire was nowt of a
+scholar, as I said before, but he had a good head for cards, an' loved
+to take t' shekels off young Cunliffe, who hated losin', but was
+generally the one who had to pay up.
+
+'It was a game they call Pickit they were playin'; grandfather told
+me--for in after days t' Squire let out a good bit of his troubles to
+my grandfather, havin' been playmates together, an' grandfather bein'
+a god-child o' t'owd Squire's father beside that--an' Cunliffe bein'
+flustered had forgot when it came to t' last two cards--there bein' a
+ticklish bit at stake--what had been played previously.
+
+'He looked this way and that, then all of a sudden he catches Mistress
+Heron's eye, sees something in it that tells him somewhat, claps doon
+t' right card an' wins.
+
+'T'owd Squire, he keeps extraordinary quiet, just gives one swift look
+round under his eyelids at his wife standin' there above him, an' says
+softly, "Ye've a wonderful memory, Mr. Cunliffe," says he, at which
+the other gets very red, an' begins to talk of getting home.
+
+'"Mistress Heron and I," says t' Squire, "were talking on this
+afternoon about t' private steeplechase we're going to hold shortly in
+t' Park here, an' she was all for layin' out t' course for first two
+miles straight west till it almost touches Towers gates. 'It will just
+take inside of ten minutes from t' Ford,' says she, 'to Towers turn,
+and beautiful going all the way over grass with t' big jump an' t'
+black beck in t' middle of it.' 'Ay,' says I, 'and that will stop one
+or two that I know of--I'll lay a monkey.' 'Not a bit of it,' says
+she, 'not a bit; an' I'll take evens with ye that everybody tries it.'
+
+'"Now, as Mistress Heron is going to ask ye to ride one of her
+nominations for her at the race, it might be helpful to ye to have a
+preliminary trial, an' as t' night is bright as day wi' moonlight,
+perhaps ye'd like a ride home to-night across country, an' I'll lay ye
+double of what ye've won to-night that ye don't get to your own
+gate-ends in, say, twelve minutes from t' Ford's paddock. An' ye can
+have your pick o' what's in my stable," adds t' Squire, as he looks
+from one to t' other of them, "while Mistress Heron an' I will watch
+ye from t' battlements an' take time for ye; or, of course, if ye're
+afraid," he adds, as Cunliffe, hemming an' hawing, says something
+about "not likin' to take a horse out at that time o' night," an'
+dwells heavy on the words, "we can send ye home in the landau, like a
+lady," says t' Squire.
+
+'"If Mr. Cunliffe accepts your proposal to ride a horse for me in the
+steeplechase," interrupts Mistress Heron scornfully, "that is of
+itself sufficient to falsify your insinuation."
+
+'"I shall be only too proud," cries Cunliffe at once, with a bow, "to
+ride for Mistress Heron."
+
+'"Ay," says t' Squire, "an' t' night before a message will doubtless
+come to say that Mr. Cunliffe has suddenly been called away on
+important political business, an' he's much grieved to forego a
+pleasure he had been so much looking forward to."
+
+'"You've said quite enough, sir," cries Cunliffe, red an' passionate;
+"kindly have your horse saddled--t' light-roan one for choice; for I
+take your wager an' will ride your horse home this night."
+
+'T' Squire goes out to t' stable himself, gives his orders, an' in
+fifteen minutes' time t' horse is round at t' door.
+
+'"Ye'll be wantin' a switch likely," says t' Squire, as he shows him
+downstairs, "an' if ye'll come into t' gun-room here, ye can take your
+pick o' crops, or cuttin' whips, or what ye will."
+
+'T' room was dark, an' Cunliffe, he bumps up against a small pail o'
+something an' upsets it on his trousers and all over t' floor before
+t' Squire gets a candle lighted.
+
+'"Never mind, never mind that," says t' Squire cheerily, "it's just
+nowt to matter; it's just for to try my hounds with to-morrow, an'
+shouldn't have been there. See, there's t' whip-stand; take your
+choice," says he.
+
+'Cunliffe, he takes a cuttin' whip, an' jumps on t' horse without more
+ado, an' goes out into t' paddock with t' stud groom, who is to show
+him where to start from when t' Squire shouts "off" from the roof of
+the house.
+
+'A minute or two later t' Squire shows himself on t' battlements, and
+Mistress Heron's there too, to see the sport.
+
+'"Are ye ready?" rings out t' Squire's voice.
+
+'"Yes," comes back t' answer.
+
+'"Then off!" he shouts down and drops t' handkerchief.
+
+'Away he goes at a full gallop straight across t' wide-spreading west
+park-land, then draws rein a moment as he approaches t' haha with a
+drop of five feet or so, perhaps. Just as he pulls up there comes a
+faint "you-yowin'," as of hounds upon a scent, from around t' corner
+of t' house.
+
+'"Whatever's that?" cries Mistress Heron quickly, as she catches the
+sound of it.
+
+'"Why, it's t' hounds," cries t' Squire, with a stabbing laugh. "I
+thowt it might help him t' jump t' black beck an' win his wager to
+have t' hounds after him, an' so it will, for there's a bit aniseed
+sprinkled on Gamecock's fetlock bandages, an' Cunliffe's stepped into
+some himself."
+
+'"'Tis the deed of a savage!" says my lady, and with a proud contempt
+of him she steps away from his side as far as t' battlements will
+permit.
+
+'Away go t' hounds wi' riotous music hot upon t' scent; on, forrard on
+they go, right over t' haha and up and across t' pasture beyond, at t'
+end of which, and beside t' beck, Cunliffe was galloping up an' down
+trying to find an easier place. It appears he hadn't, in his
+excitement, taken notice of t' hounds giving tongue, or looked behind
+him, but all of a sudden he perceives it, and halting his horse
+stockstill, looks behind him. Then it seemed to flash upon him what's
+up, and he forces back t' horse some twenty yards or so--first hounds
+racing towards him about hundred yards behind--rams in t' spurs, cuts
+him with t' whip, and claps him at it. Gamecock tries it bravely, and
+leaping high into the air just lands on t' further bank, but short a
+bit, and on t' soft edge, and pecks forward badly on his head, sending
+Cunliffe somersaulting over like a shot rabbit.
+
+'"T' bet's won!" shouts the Squire, marking t' horse pick himself up
+before his rider and gallop away by himself over t' far field; "t'
+damned cockney cannot ride at all."
+
+'"Yes, you've won your bet," replies my lady, gathering her skirts
+together and holding them close as she passes him by, "but possibly
+you may have lost remembrance that you were born a gentleman," and
+with that she proudly turns her back and sweeps away down t' stairs.
+
+'Well, t' hounds couldn't get across t' beck, and t' Squire's first
+whip was ready wi' t' horn to fetch them back again; so Cunliffe was
+safe enough, but sorely damaged an' bruised, an' 'twas a full week
+before he left his house, when straight he goes abroad on foreign
+travel.
+
+'Things gradually went on from bad to worse twixt t' Squire and
+Mistress Heron after that night's play; she used to lament for Lunnon
+an' its fashions, an' on t' last night of all she set t'owd Squire's
+blood blazin' by sneerin' at "country yokels" and their drunken ways.
+
+'"Why, damn t' ----!" cries he, quite forgetting himself, and using a
+word more suitable to t' kennels than t' drawing-room, "ain't we been
+here since King Alfred? An' what can ye want more than that?"
+
+'Swift as fire she answers him, "One might wish that they were
+gentlemen," says she, an' cold an' contemptuous she walks past him out
+of the drawing-room and up into her own room, where she orders her
+maid to pack up for her at once, an' 'tis but an hour later when she
+drives away in t' carriage an' never sees t'owd place again.
+
+'Well, they separate by law, an' shortly after, when t' bairn comes to
+live with his father, Mistress Heron gets much taken up with one of
+those father parsons, famous as a preacher in Lunnon at that time.
+
+'Finally, she goes into a sort of retirement and becomes head of a
+sisterhood shortly, which gets to be very famous for its Good
+Samaritan sort of deeds.
+
+'Grandfather used to say that whatever she took up she would be sworn
+to do better than anybody else. "Fox-'untin' she learnt clever in six
+months' time, an' if ye can larn that ye can larn owt," says he.
+
+'As for t'owd Squire, he hunts harder than ever he had done before;
+an' nowt, positively nowt, can stop him across country, nor liquor
+stagger him, so that many thought he was heartier an' happier than
+ever he had been before.
+
+'His son, as he grew up, was a bit trouble to him, certainly, as he
+was a wild lad--just like himself, but with a touch of his mother's
+pride, so that it was just as well when he went into t' army an' was
+sent to t' Indies.
+
+'Well, time sped on, and t'owd Squire's hair was turnin' gray, when
+news came that his wife--Sister Eva, as they called her--had died
+suddenly in her retreat or convent.
+
+'Up goes t' Squire to Lunnon without a word, an' when the chief
+mourners--all of them ladies of t' sisterhood, in their white
+dresses--were liftin' up t' coffin ropes to carry it to t' graveside,
+an' ancient gentleman, clad in a queer, long, bottle-green tail-coat,
+with a high stock and beaver hat on t' back of his head, comes forward
+an' quietly takes hold of t' head ropes.
+
+'T' sisters remonstrate with him, and ask him who he is. "Mesdames,"
+says he, "I was her unworthy husband," and he doffs his hat as he
+speaks, and without another word spoken helps to carry her to her
+grave.
+
+''Twas said that they were t' same clothes he had worn on his
+wedding-day.
+
+'It would be some months after this that my grandfather was dinin'
+with t'owd Squire, after t' opening meet of t' season.
+
+'"Here's to fox-huntin'!" cries he, after t' cloth was removed; an' a
+bit later he rises solemnly in his chair, an' he says, "And here's to
+a saint in heaven!" an' as he drinks it down grandfather sees a tear
+tricklin' on his cheek.
+
+'Little by little he tells him all about t' quarrel and what had
+completed it: "And she was right, by G----!" cries t' Squire at the
+end of it, "as she always was, though I was too proud to say so then;
+and now it's too late, for she's a saint in heaven."
+
+'That was the only time he spoke of her; but for all that, grandfather
+said it was clear that he was just broken-hearted, was t' poor owd
+Squire, even though five minutes after he was challenging him to ride
+for a fiver when 'ounds should find on t' morrow's mornin'.
+
+'T'owd Squire never went better in his life, they said, than he did
+that day; but just at t' close of it his horse made a mistake over
+some timber, and he came a cropper in a ploughed field, with his horse
+on top of him, and had three of his ribs broken.
+
+'It was a baddish fall; but though the doctors pulled him through he
+never got the better of it, and was taken away before t' season was
+out; and he was glad to go, was poor owd Squire, for he said he
+believed she had forgiven him, but he couldn't rest till he knew for
+certain.'
+
+
+
+
+AN 'AMMYTOOR' DETECTIVE
+
+
+'Tell me about that mysterious affair of "Tom the Scholar," and Jack
+Jefferson's sudden death, and how you ran him to ground when suspicion
+had given up the chase. If all I have heard is true, you ought to have
+been at Bow Street, high up in the Criminal Investigation Department.
+Tell me,' I said again, 'how you came to play the part of amateur
+detective.'
+
+'There was nowt o' the ammytoor aboot it,' retorted 'the Heckler' with
+aggressive dignity, 'it was a proper perfessional bit o' wark, an' the
+pollis was fine put oot that they hadn't had a hand in it. Wey, there
+was Scott, wor pollis; he came to us an' he says, "If ye had only
+tell't me about it I could hev made a job on 't," says he, "'stead o'
+lettin' him gan an' commit a fellor, d' y' see?"
+
+'"No," says I, "I divvn't see; it was him that done it, an' it was us
+as copped him, an' if I hadn't taken it intiv hand, wey, thoo would
+have still been usin' long words an' followin' up yor clue like an aad
+blind man followin' efter his dog," says I, "for I've no sort o'
+notion o' the pollis; they nivvor finds out nowt for themselves, ye
+hev elwis ti tell them what it is ye want done, an' then at the finish
+gan an' do it yorsel'."
+
+'No, no; the pollis is just what the lawyer chaps call "accessories
+efter the fac'"--meanin' they comes up ti ye when aal's ower an' done
+wi', like the bairns at the school-sports, each one expectin' a prize.
+
+'Well, as I was sayin', I copped "Tom the Scholar" aal maa lane, an' I
+doot whether anyone else could hev done it but me. I had suspected him
+a while back, for he was a mistetched[4] chap, ye ken, one o' the sort
+that has a bit grudge against everythin', an' vicious same as horses
+is sometimes, unforgettin', unforgivin'--just a nasty disagreeable
+beggor, ye ken.
+
+'He was a scholar, though--"Tom the Scholar" they called him--an' was
+aye busy wi' books, nivvor had his head oot o' them, whether at the
+Institute or at aad Mistress Swan's, where he lodged.
+
+'Efter a bit he takes up wi' courtin' Mary Straughan, her who got
+married on Jack Jefferson, an' I b'lieve she had a mind for him once,
+but not for long, for he frightened her biv his strange ways, an' a
+passionate way o' talk he had, an' she gave up walkin' wiv him an'
+took up wi' Jack instead--a south-country chap that had come frae
+Yorkshire--a big, burly, thick-headed sort o' chap, but tarr'ble
+good-natured.
+
+'Well, Tom, he takes it varry badly, an' just before they gets
+"called" i' church he tarrifies Mary wi' vague threats as ti what'll
+happen if she dares ti wed wi' Jack. Noo, Tom was a "spirritualist,"
+ye ken, as weel as a scholar, an' he swears that the spirits forbade
+the match, an' would be properly savage if they was disobliged.
+
+'She was a narvious sort, was Mary, an' she tell't Jack ov't, an'
+Jack, he says, iv his queer clipp't Yorkshire way o' talk, "T'
+spirrits be d----d!" says he; "an' if that softy Tom comes interferin'
+'twixt thoo an' me, I'll make him softier than ever," he says, shakin'
+a great big hairy fist that looked like a bullock's head.
+
+'Well, they gets theirsel's married wivoot askin' leave either o' the
+"spirrits" or o' Tom, an' as nowt happened, an' Jack forbye was
+tarr'ble lucky iv his cavils[5] just efter his marriage, even Mary
+began ti laugh at the idea o' Tom an' his "spirrits" an' aal.
+
+'They was tarr'ble happy those two, an' I mind well hoo proud and
+triumphant-like Jack looked as he slapped us on the back one early
+summer mornin' as we went ti the pit on the fore-shift, for I was only
+a hewer then, same as himsel', an' not what I is now--checkweighman,
+an' half ov a magistrate as well, bein' vice-chairman o' wor lokil
+District Council[6]--an' he cries, "Geordie," he says, "Geordie, man,
+I's that happy I can scarcely haud myself in. There's nowt I couldn't
+do. I could hew as much in one shift as any five men together in two;
+I could lepp ower a hoos, I's that cobby. I could challenge wee Bob
+Aitchison, t' sprinter, to a quarter-mile, an' lay t' fortnight's
+wages that I'd best him too. I could sing, I b'lieve," he says, an'
+wiv a solemn voice on him he adds: "Ay, an' I could even put up a bit
+prayer--though I's not much ov a Churchman--almost as weel as t'
+priest himself. An' I'll tell thoo why. It's because Mary tells me
+that there's likely gawin' to be an addition to the fam'ly party
+sometime shortly. She's a rare well-bred un, too, is Mary, an' I'll
+lay it's twins." "I'll gie ye the best o' luck," says I, "but twins is
+tarr'ble expensive, for I've tried 'em," says I. "Man alive!" cries
+he, holdin' up his arm--a proper colossyum ov a limb--"look at that.
+If that cannot win bread for a dozen o' twins, then a lighted candle
+cannot fire gas," says he.
+
+'He was a fine brave man,' continued 'the Heckler' slowly, 'an' I can
+see him still standin' on the heapstead, an' I mind hoo pleased he was
+that he could hear a lark singin' high i' the air ower heid just as
+the sun peeped up before we went doon i' the cage that mornin' for the
+last time together--just as full o' life an' vigour he was as thoo is
+noo--but for all that it was the last time I saw him alive i' this
+world.
+
+'It was the vary next mornin' that he was killed, but I wasn't doon
+the pit that day, for I had happened a bit accident the day before
+through a shot that went wrang on us, an' I was laid up i' bed for a
+week wiv a bandage ower my eyes. I bear the marks yet,' and he pointed
+to some small blue punctures, not unlike shot marks, that the
+gunpowder had left round about his left eyelid and cheekbone.
+
+'Aal I could hear was that he had been knocked doon biv a runaway
+galloway pony that a lad called Harry Nicholson used to drive. Harry,
+ye must ken, was a bit weak iv his intellectuals, hevin' been born iv
+an ower great hurry like before his bit intellect had had time ti
+ripen, through his mother's gettin' a gliff at an accident that had
+happened her man doon the pit.
+
+'Well, Harry was a driver, as I said, an' he an' the galloway was
+comin' doon an incline wiv a full tub, an' the galloway, hevin'
+bolted, dragged the tub off the lines, an' came blindly tearin' along
+this side an' that smash up inti Jack as he rounded an awkward corner.
+He was fearfu' knocked aboot when he was picked up, they said, his
+head bashed in bi the tub's wheels, an' there he lay, dead as mutton.
+
+'The crowner comes doon an' sits on the body, an' the jury bring it in
+"Death by mis'dventure" slap off, bein' iv a hurry likelies ti get oot
+for their dinners, an' there the whole thing would have ended wiv a
+buryin' an' a gettin' up mevvies ov a bit subscription fer his missus
+an' the bairn; ay, that's hoo it would have ended up had it not been
+for "the Heckler."
+
+'I wasn't allowed oot by the doctor, sae I was just forced to think it
+oot aal maa lane--mevvies havin' my eyes blindfolded helped us a bit;
+anyways, I lay there quiet i' bed an' found I could think it aal oot
+like Gladstone; ay, an' I tell thoo that Gladstone an' Horbert Spencor
+together cudn't have thought harder than I did at that period o' time,
+nor have pieced the puzzle together bettor than us. It sounds like a
+bit brag, mevvies, but it isn't, by Gox! it's just the naked truth.
+
+'Well, there I lay between the sheets wi' my "linin's" on, detarmined
+that if there had been any foul play nowt but death should stop us
+frae findin' it oot. First thing I does is ti get the wife ti ask
+Harry Nicholson in ti tea wiv us, so as ti hear aal aboot hoo it
+happened.
+
+'Well, efter he has been well filled oot wi' tea, an' spice loaf, an'
+jam an' aal, I gets him ti tell the whole story, an' then I axes him a
+few supernumerary questions.
+
+'"Thoo'll ken 'Tom the scholar?'" I axes him--"him that's a stoneman
+doon the pit, an' gans in for spiritualism an' sich like for his hobby
+an' pastime?" "Ay," he says, "I ken him nicely. Wey, I been at some ov
+his 'seeantics,' or whativvor it is he calls them, an' I have the
+makin' ov a fine 'meejum,'" he says, "for I can parsonate folks ov aal
+kinds, males an' females, wivoot any distinction o' sexes."
+
+'"Ay!" says I, interruptin' him wiv a sort ov admirin' surprise i' my
+tone o' voice, "can thoo, noo? Wey, thoo's a clivvor one, that's what
+thoo is."
+
+'"Ay," says he, quite enlarged at the thought, "an' there's some folk
+says that I isn't quite right i' the head, but they couldn't parsonate
+Alexander the Great--him that the sword-dancers sing aboot--like as I
+can. Could they, noo?"
+
+'"No," says I, "not they. They're not scholars enough for that, an'
+mevvies they would be gliffed at it as weel. Dis thoo nivvor get a
+gliff at the spirits?" I axes, careless like.
+
+'"Not while I's parsonating, I divvn't, but whiles when I's doon the
+pit I gets a gliff," says he; "it's sae dark an' lonesome i' places."
+
+'"Dis Tom ivvor try to make thoo parsonate doon i' the pit?" I axes
+him, "for Tom, bein' stoneman, 'll come across thoo at times drivin'
+yor galloway."
+
+'"Ay, I've seen him doon below," he says, "though he nivvor talked on
+aboot parsonating, but usuallies passes us by wivoot sayin' nowt, for
+Tom's a vary distant sort o' chap, thoo knaas."
+
+'"But sometimes mevvies he would speak wi' thoo when he passed thoo,
+an' other folks wasn't aboot? Did he ivvor talk on aboot the spirits
+ti thoo at all? That day the galloway ran away, did he speak wi' thoo
+that mornin'? Mevvies he did, laddie, an' mevvies he told thoo not ti
+speak aboot it lest the spirits wouldn't like it, or some such kind ov
+argument," says I, insinuatin' it tiv him like one o' thae lawyer
+chaps iv a wig.
+
+'"Ay, he spoke tiv us that mornin', sure enough, sayin' as hoo he
+thought the spirits was vexed, for he had heard them callin' i' the
+pit itself through the darkness, an' he wanted ti knaa whether I had
+heard the voices same as himself or not. Well, I hadn't heard nowt,
+nor had nivvor thought aboot spirits bein' doon the pit, but I gets a
+bit gliffed myself at that, an' a bit later I ackshally heard them
+speakin' aloud--sure an' certain," says he.
+
+'"Did they gliff thoo just before the galloway ran away an' ran ower
+poor Jack Jefferson?" says I.
+
+'"Ay," says he, "I got a gliff then, for I heard the spirits' voices
+shootin'[7] oot against us."
+
+'"Gox!" says I, "to think o' that, noo! Wey, thoo gies us a gliff an'
+aal; an' what dis thoo hear them sayin'?" axes I.
+
+'"'Here's the parsonator,' they shoots out aloud, 'that calls us frae
+wor rest. Lepp oot upon him, an' torment him! At him, Annexo!' or some
+such ootlandish name,--'at him, spirits aal!'"
+
+'"Sae thoo starts awa' likelies wi' the galloway at a gallop, an'
+couldn't get him stopped on the incline?" I axes him.
+
+'"No, no, I was ower flay'd mysel' ti do owt; but the galloway must
+have gotten a gliff at something. I mind I thought I saw a flash o'
+light just at the moment, an' the galloway he couldn't abide a sudden
+light across his eyes, he was that narvious; or mevvies it was the
+voice that gliffed him same as it did us; anyways, awa' aff he goes
+wivvoot me, an' dashes aff doon the incline wiv us chasin' him an'
+shootin', 'Woa, woo-h, Paddie; woo-ah, thoo daftie!'"
+
+'"An' hoo far behind him dis thoo think thoo was when he come to the
+corner where he ran inti poor Jack? Did thoo see Jack theesel', or
+hear him shoot out as the galloway butted him?"
+
+'"No," says he, "I nivvor seen him, an' I wasn't far behind the
+galloway nowther, for as soon as the tub got awa' frae the lines he
+couldn't travel vary fast, for it was loaded. Aal I could hear was the
+bumpity-bump o' the tub, then smash inti the wall--smash--smash--an' a
+crash as the tub swung ower an' dragged the galloway wiv it. I can
+mind nae mair nor that, mistor," says he, at the end ov his tale, "for
+I fell slap ower Jack Jefferson's body i' the darkness, an' pitchin'
+full upon my head was knocked senseless, till they come along an'
+picked us up. An' that's the whole story, Mister Carnaby," says he,
+"an' I've done wi' the spirits, an' parsonatin', an' aal noo, for
+they're treacherous things, there's nae doot aboot it," says he.
+
+'Weel, that was aal I could get oot ov him, sae I gives him some
+sweeties an' lets him gan, biddin' him not let on that I'd axed him
+any questions, ye ken, an' efter that I lay i' bed thinkin' it aal
+ower an' makin' up a plan o' campaign for when "the Heckler" should be
+up an' aboot again.
+
+'Efter aboot another three days I was allowed oot by the doctor wiv a
+sort o' lampshade ower my eyelids, an' the next day bein' "pay
+Saturday," an' the pit idle, I detarmines within my ain mind ti gan
+doon maa lane an' hev a look round by myself; for it's no use trustin'
+anyone else when ye've got a job o' that calibry iv hand, ye ken.
+
+'I kenned where the trajiddy had taken place, o' course, sae I
+detarmines ti gan ti the spot an' make a sarious of obsarvations.
+"First place," I says ti myself, "there winnot be much change i' the
+surroundin's, for it's a new drift in by there that they are drivin',
+wi' 'Tom the Scholar' an' his marrow, an' not many workin'; an',
+secondly, it's damp there wi' the salt water oozin' in through the
+rock, sae that footmarks will have a good chance ti stand a bit."
+
+'Noo, "Scholar Tom" had a tarr'ble large footprint, ye ken, an' it was
+that I was i' search o', for I had my suspicions o' what might have
+happened, an' I was convinced that that d----d, mistetched beggor was
+at the bottom o' poor Jack Jefferson's sudden endin'--ay, an'
+whenivvor I thought o' that fine, brave chap an' his bright face an'
+his happiness, I says ti myself, "There'll be no rest nor pleasure nor
+nowt for 'the Heckler' till the mystery's discovered; an' it's yor job
+ti discover it," I says ti myself.
+
+'He was bound ti have been there, for, o' course, it was him as
+shooted out that nonsense at Harry that had gliffed him, an' dootless
+it was him that had flashed his davy i' the galloway's eyes.
+
+'Jack, d'ye see, would have been lousin' off frae his wark an' walkin'
+doon the drift at that time when the galloway started off; but what
+beat me was that Jack couldn't hev got oot o' the way i' time, bein'
+fine an' active, grand at hearin' and seein', an' ne fool forbye that.
+
+'Noo, just when I had detarmined upon this i' maa mind a sort ov an
+inspiration takes us aal ov a sudden. "Wey divvn't thoo take that
+driver lad alang wi' thoo ti show thoo exactly where the trajiddy
+happened?" it says tiv us just as thoo it was a real, genu-ine voice
+i' my inside. "Sink me!" thinks I, "it's a tarr'ble clivvor idea, an'
+sae I will."
+
+'"Has thoo anything else ti add ti that, Inspiration?" I axes it, an'
+shortlies efter it says, "Divvn't thoo trust ower much ti what
+Nicholson says, nor tell him o' yor plan beforehand, for he's i' Tom's
+power, an' tarrified ov him," it says again.
+
+'"Gox!" thinks I, "but this is the champion; wey, I's as good a
+spiritualist as Tom himself."
+
+'"There's one last question I must ax thoo," says I, for I hadn't
+properly thought beforehand o' the difficulty o' gannin' doon the pit
+on "pay-Saturday," an' that is: "Hoo i' the warld can us gan in-bye?
+for thoo kens that naebody but the furnace-man, engine-man, an'
+horse-keeper gans doon that day, an' if anyone else wanted ti, wey, he
+would have ti get leave frae the manager, an' even then he would have
+ti have a deputy alang wiv him. Answer us this, Inspiration," says I,
+"an' it's a clagger for thoo, I's warned."
+
+'But, mevvies efter two minutes, it whispers back two words, "drift,"
+an' "beer."
+
+'"Drift?" I repeats, an' "beer?" An' then aal at onst I sees the
+implication, for I kenned the lodge-keeper at the head o' the drift
+nicelies, an', what's mair, I kenned what Sammy Cuthbertson, the local
+preacher, calls "the joint iv his harness" still better.
+
+'Sae I gans up tiv him quietly, an' I says tiv him, "Geordy," says I,
+"hoo much o' the best beer will five bob procure iv an emergency?"
+
+'"Five bob," says he, vary serious, "will buy aal but two gallons o'
+the best bitter, an' d---- the emergency," says he.
+
+'"Dis thoo prefer it i' bottles, or iv a greyhen, or iv a pail--an'
+aal at onst?" says I.
+
+'"Bottles is no use," says he, "wey, the corks alone will mevvies take
+a pint ti theirselves. Na, na, gie it ti me iv a pail for aal-roond
+drinkin'."
+
+'"Well," says I, "thoo shall have it iv a pail if thoo'll just let us
+an' the lad here gan in doon by the drift for an hour ti investigate a
+private matter o' wor ain--just a visit ov inspection. No harm done,
+nobody need ken, an' up again within the hour, I'll promise thoo
+that," says I.
+
+'Well, his face prolonged itself at that a bit. "But if it was
+kenned," says he, "I'd get my notice."
+
+'"Nobody will ken but us three," says I; "an', look thoo, thoo shall
+have the pail at yor dinner to-morrow forenoon," says I.
+
+'That did the business for him, I's warn'd, an' he promises ti oot wiv
+his key an' let us gan in by. Poor chap, though, he got his notice aal
+the same, though it wasn't my blame: it was because he was ower-greedy
+an' thought he could get another pailful oot o' somebody else later.
+
+'Well, I says nowt ti Nicholson aboot gannin' doon the pit till the
+vary mornin', and then I gans along an' catches ahaud on him, an'
+says, "Ho-way,[8] thoo mun come along wiv us doon the pit, for I wants
+ti see the place o' the accident myself, an' I hev arranged aboot
+gannin' doon," I says. Well, he turns quite white at this, an' whines
+an' cries not ti gan; but I was res'lute wiv him, an' tarr'fies him
+wiv a hint ov a gaol if he winnot come doon and show us aal I axes
+him.
+
+'Well, we went by the drift and straight doon ti the "Number 3,
+North," or "Joan" district, as we call it worsels, an' there we gropes
+aboot the trolley-way, just at the corner where the accident must have
+taken place, an' searched for footmarks.
+
+'The lad, ye ken, must just have started frae the putter's flat wiv a
+full tub, an' aboot thirty yards doon he must have been gliffed.
+Hereaboots, iv a fenced place, Tom must have waited on Jack's "loosin'
+off" frae his wark, an' another ten yards further on is where the
+galloway must have run awa' off frae the rails. I had it aal mapped
+oot ready i' my mind, an' it was just the details I had ti fit in wiv
+it.
+
+'There was mair tramplin' aboot than I had expected, what wi' the
+galloway's stumblin', the tub ploughin' alang through the dirt, an'
+the footprints o' the search-party that had come up ti the scene o'
+the casualty; but for aal that, I could see here an' there the marks
+o' Tom's big shoes, wi' the extry broad plates at heel an' toes he
+used ti wear.
+
+'Mevvies it wasn't ower much ti see, but it heartened us up, for it
+conformed us i' wor opinions, especially the fact that wherever they
+was visible they was close in by the wall-side, as if he had been
+wishful ti hide himself as far as might be--a sort o' presumptuous
+evidence against him, as the lawyers call it.
+
+'"I will have ti gan back ti bed again," I says ti myself, "ti think
+it aal oot properly, for though I haven't a doot about it myself, I'll
+have ti convince aal thae thick-heads o' judges at my lord's 'Size[9]
+before I gets him properly convicted, sae I must have it aal pieced
+oot an' put together like a bairn's puzzle-map."
+
+'Well, we was slowly makin' wor way oot o' the passage when I hears
+something comin' up-by, creak, creakin' as it came. Weel, I's no
+coward, I's warn'd, an' I'll face any man livin' that ye like ti
+mention, but I got a fair gliff at that, for I couldn't make oot what
+it might mean--Nicholson an' us bein' the only folk aboot doon there.
+"Gox, it's Jack's ghost!" think I ti mysel iv a sudden sweat o' fear.
+Sae oot at once I turns my davy (lamp), an' the lad's, fearin' lest he
+might notice us, an' shrinks back inti the corner o' the wall as small
+as could be, with the lad tremblin' aal ower next us. Efter a bit I
+sees a wee glimmer o' light shakin' i' the darkness, then a shadow ov
+a man behind it, an' slowly, vary slowly, as if seekin' something, it
+mounts up the passage towards us.
+
+'"Hist!" says I ti the lad iv a thick whisper, "just smear your face
+an' hands ower wi' clarts, or the ghaist will cop us," I says, an'
+grabbin' a handful I clarts his face an' hands iv an instant o' time;
+then I scrapes up a handful for mysel' an' aal, but i' reachin' oot
+for a good fill o' clarts my hands struck up against a sort ov a heavy
+bar o' some specie or other.
+
+'I gied a bit haul at it, an' awa it comes up inti my hands--a small,
+heavy, but handy bit ov iron it was, mevvies about sixteen inches
+long, wiv a sort o' knob at the end o't.
+
+'"I'll have a look at thoo later," says I, an' claps it inti my pocket
+wi' the one hand, whiles I clarts my face wi' the other. Meantime the
+creakin' thing was drawin' nigher an' nigher tiv us, but the light wiv
+it was tarr'ble dim, an' I couldn't have given it a name.
+
+'On came the light an' the shadow, but the creakin' noise had stopped;
+'stead o' that there was a squelch, squelch, as ov a man steppin' in
+an' oot' o' mud.
+
+'It passed us biv a finger's breadth, an' I almost shouted aloud by
+way o' relief, for it was a real live flesh-an'-blood man, wiv a
+fouled davy, an' no ghost--for ghosts canna spit, I's warn'd.
+
+'"D---- thoo!" I was just aboot ti shoot at him, comin' flayin' folk
+i' that fashion. "Who is thoo, thoo ----" when he stops short on a
+sudden, just round the corner above us, an' talks tiv himself oot
+loud. "Ay, it'll be just aboot here," he muttered, "that it fell," and
+I could have let flee a yell o' delight that would have brought a fall
+o' stone doon, for it was no other voice than "Tom the Scholar's"
+himsel'.
+
+'"Thoo b----!" I says ti mysel', an' clenches my fist tight; "thoo
+b----! but I's copped thoo noo."
+
+'"Tell ti me noo, Annexo," continues Tom, usin' the same furrin' sort
+o' talk as he had ti the lad; "tell ti me noo where it lies--the
+weapon that freed my destined bride frae unlawful arms. I mun hev it
+back, for there's a d----d chap i' wor village that they call 'the
+Heckler,'" he gans on, the impittent scoondrel that he was, "a daft
+feller that's mad aboot dogs an' sic' like nonsense, but he has his
+suspicions, an' mevvies might be dangerous, for he has been
+questionin' my meejum, Nicholson, the driver lad. Speak then, Annexo,
+speak, my beauty. Where lies my trusty weapon? Speak louder," says he
+again, impatient like, "for I canna hear i' the darkness."
+
+'Just on that instant I gets another inspiration i' my insides, an'
+wivvoot mair ado I whispers oot loud iv a fine, feminine, and
+superfluous voice: "Search ti the right hand a bit lower doon, canny
+man," says I, "an' thoo'll find what thoo is wantin'," an' I held oot
+my hand ready ti grasp his wi' when he stretched it oot.
+
+'"Aha!" says he, quite gratified like, "sae thoo has found a voice,
+has thoo?"
+
+'It was nigh pitch darkness about us, for his davy had almost gane
+clean oot wi' the clogged wick, but I could feel his hands gropin'
+towards us, an' I says ti mysel', "Another foot, an' a murderer's
+copped!"
+
+'His hands came hoverin' ower mine, for I could feel the wind o' them;
+in another second he touches us, an', grabbin' ahaud ov him by way o'
+reply, I shouts oot, "Ay, here's Annex-us, thoo b----!"
+
+'The yell he let oot was fearfu', an', startin' back, he dragged his
+arm oot o' my grasp, an' then leaped forward iv a flash, ducked past
+us, an' awa off round the corner he fled, us efter him like the aad
+bitch[10] efter a started hare.
+
+'He had dropped his lamp, an' it was darker nor Hell itself, but I
+could hear him dashin' along i' front ov us at wondrous speed. Mad
+keen I was, as I tore efter him ower bits o' balk an' stone lyin'
+aboot doon the rolley-way, bended double sae as ti avoid the
+roof-beams. Bang up against a door I comes, shakin' mysel' intiv a
+jelly by the shock, but when I had it opened an' was through I could
+still catch the sound ov his footfalls not far in front ov us. "He'll
+have come a big bat hissel' against the door," I thinks ti mysel' as I
+started off again, "ay, an' bein' before us he'll have aal the
+obstacles ti contend wi' first ov aal. Huzza, ho-way!" an' I tore
+efter him, a fair deevil for recklessness--makin' no doot he was for
+the main rolleyway, an' sae oot by the main drift by which we had
+entered the pit.
+
+'There came the thud ov another door, an' I gans a bit mair cautious
+like, fendin' wi' my hands i' front ov us. Shortlies efter I notices
+that the footfalls sounded fainter-like; they seemed ti be comin' frae
+the left-hand side noo an' not i' front ov us.
+
+'Aal ov a sudden I minds mysel' ov a return air-way that would lead
+oot by the main drift. "Gox!" I thinks, "thoo's hit the mark, but
+where the openin' is I cannot mind, for it isn't travelled biv any one
+barrin' the deputies. He passed the door i' front ov us, but bi the
+sound he's ti the left hand ov us noo;" sae I felt along the wall till
+I comes tiv an open way. "Ho-way," says I, mad ti think he might
+escape us efter aal, "ho-way, thoo'll get him yet!"
+
+'On, on I went at a reckless speed, ti make up for my bad turn, an' iv
+another minute I gied tongue like a foxhound, for I heard him pat,
+pattin' on i' front ov us. "I's copped thoo!" I yelled through the
+darkness tiv him, ti tarr'fy him, for I heard him stumblin' amangst
+some loose props or gear o' some sort quite plainly, "I's copped the
+murderer!"
+
+'Foot upon foot I gains on him; I hears him pantin' just a yard or two
+i' front ov us. I grasps oot wi' my hands an' touches his shoulder,
+an' he yells wi' terror, givin' a leap like a hare, an' slips frae
+under my hands.
+
+'Doon, full length, doon I fell wiv a smash like a fall o' stone, half
+stunned, my head like a night o' stars.
+
+'Suddenly there comes a yell o' horror--then a thud, a clump, clump,
+an' a c-clush, an' then stark silence, an' doon, right doon at the
+bottom ov a staple fifteen fathoms deep ten yards i' front ov us lay
+aal that was left o' the murderer copped, clean copped, by "the
+Heckler."'
+
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[4] 'Mistetched' = spoiled; of ill habits. _Cf._ Chaucer's 'tetch,' a
+spot.
+
+[5] 'Cavil' = the quarterly ballot amongst coal-hewers for their
+places down the pit. Seams differ greatly in quality and depth of
+coal, and in ease of working. This is the miners' own rough-and-ready
+method of adjusting the inequalities.
+
+[6] The chairman of a local District Council is _ex-officio_ a
+magistrate.
+
+[7] 'Shootin'' (shouting). 'Shuttin',' on the other hand, would mean
+shooting, whereby quaint confusions have occasionally arisen.
+
+[8] Come along.
+
+[9] The Assizes.
+
+[10] Viz., Bonnie Bella, a famous greyhound of 'the Heckler's.'
+
+
+
+
+'IN MEMORIOV'M'
+
+
+'Ay, that's what 'tis,' replied 'the Heckler' to my query, 'it's an
+"in memoriov'm"--Latin, ye ken, meanin' in memory ov him. The words is
+alike, mevvies, but it's Latin language, I's warn'd, an' I howked it
+oot upon that headstone myself wiv a clasp-knife.'
+
+I knelt down upon the sandy dune and brushed aside the bents that
+nearly covered the squat gray stone with their long lashes, and
+eventually deciphered a straggling array of figures which for their
+illegibility would have enraptured an antiquary.
+
+'It was just below us,' continued 'the Heckler,' 'that I found his
+cap, an' thinkin' him drooned, an' him bein' a favour-yte wi' me, I
+just put up that bit stone for him an' carved his initials on it, an'
+the Latin, an' G. C., that's for us, "the Heckler," ye ken, his mark.
+But it was a false alarm efter aal, an' noo that Jim Hedley's a Right
+Hon. Lord Mayor oot iv Australie, I's warn'd but when he's put under
+the sod he'll hev a hearse an' four horses an' a proper musulyum'
+(mausoleum) 'tiv hisself.'
+
+'What made you think he was drowned?' I inquired. 'Did you think it a
+case of suicide?'
+
+'Ay, o' course I did; we aal did that, an' not wivvoot reasons,'
+responded 'the Heckler,' 'for he was full o' misery at that time, an'
+wanted ti get shot o' the whole lot ov it. Jim was a fine, tall,
+proper lad--"bonny Jim" the lasses called him--wunnerfu' handy, too,
+iv aal sorts of ways, an' as for behaviour, wey, he could talk ti my
+lord as canny as tiv a pot-boy.
+
+'Well, wiv aal these gifts o' fortune it wasn't surprisin' he got
+hisself sweetheartin' wiv a young, bonny, quiet-faced lassie, daughter
+ov aad Sheepshanks, the farmer, close in by the village.
+
+'It was a bit lift for Jim, for she had some brass, but aad
+Sheepshanks, he tries to forbid the "callins"' (banns) 'i' church;
+"for what's a pitman," says he, "that a farmer's daughter should marry
+on?--a dirty-faced, drunken, dog-lovin', gamblin' chep," says he; an'
+a lot o' gob o' that kind, ye ken, bein' a red-hot Tory wiv a lot o'
+Noah's-ark kind ov ideas iv his head.
+
+'The lassie didn't think that, though; she just warshipped Jim,
+followin' him aboot wiv her eyes everywhere, just like the aad bitch'
+(here he nodded towards the greyhound beside him) 'does "the Heckler."
+
+'Well, they marries an' has a bit fam'ly, an' Jim gans ahead quick; he
+was marrow' (mate) 'wi' me as a hewer yence, an' then he becomes a
+deputy, an' bein' a great reader an' a gran' speaker, there was some
+talk o' makin' him wor Member o' Parlyment when he got a bit older.
+Well, it had aal been plain sailin' for Jim so far, an' everybody
+thought his success was sartin, but he soon came tarr'ble nigh makin'
+a tragedy ov hisself, poor chap.
+
+'There was a young widow woman came ti live doon here at the Prospect
+House ower there. She'd been married on a fat old chap that had made a
+lot o' brass i' the toon i' publics, an' they used to come here for a
+bit i' the summer, an' when he died she comes doon ti the "Prospect"
+ti bide for good an' aal.
+
+'I sometimes think,' continued my companion after a slight pause,
+'that it's a sair pity folks isn't sometimes drooned like kittens or
+"put under" same as dogs that turn oot no use. It wud save a lot o'
+misfortunes an' misery, I's warn'd, an' unless ye drooned a Gladstone,
+or a John Wesley, or mevvies even a "Heckler," the world would be aal
+the better o't.
+
+'Anyways, she should have been drooned slap off as a babby, for she
+was a rank bad un--just rank bad ti the bone--an' when a woman is bad,
+she's just the devil's own viewer[11] or deputy, by Gox!
+
+'She had been on the stage, 'twas said, at one time, an' there was
+queer stories aboot her, so that the gentry-folk aboot here would have
+nowt ti do wiv her, sae she had aal the better opportunity ti play her
+tricks wi' Jim.
+
+'She was free wi' the brass, ye ken, an' give subscriptions awa for
+the askin', providin' she had her name an' address clagged up large on
+the play-bills, an' was a champion at gettin' up concerts for wor
+Mechanic Institute an' such-like entertainments.
+
+'That was hoo she first got a hand upon Jim, for he had a gran'
+voice--a perfect champion at harmony he was, an' she just buttered him
+up properly. It was "Oh, Mr. Hedley, an' what a fortin ye would have
+made in the Opera!" "Sing it again, Mr. Hedley, it's fair ravishin',"
+an' so she carried on till she had him awa to practise duetties wiv
+her at her hoos, an' made him stay ti supper wi' glasses o' wine tiv
+it--yellow shampain wine that'll set your brain iv a froth, I b'lieve,
+an' at the finish she has him just drugged wiv her enchantments.
+
+'There was one night I mind I was oot walkin' an' chanst ti pass by
+alang that road there that leads past the hoos--the trees wasn't grown
+up then, ye ken, an' I could spy a bit in through the windie, which
+was open on the night--it bein' summer then, d'ye see.
+
+'She was settin' beside the pianner playin' pretence wiv it, an'
+castin' up white eye-glances at Jim soft-like, noo an' again, with a
+sort ov insolence, too, as though she kenned her power ower
+him--drawin' oot the very marrow an' soul ov him wiv her perfections.
+
+'She was aal clad i' silks an' satins, like a play-actress--her bosom
+gleamin' wi' jools, an' Jim was leanin' against the pianner gazin' at
+her, fair drunk wiv her blandishments.
+
+'I cuddn't stand by an' just do nowt ava, sae I let fly a yell upon
+the night, "Ho-way home ti thy own lawfu' missus, an' leave that
+d----d hussy alone."
+
+'He gave a sudden start at that, an' leaps round ti the windie, claps
+it ti wiv a smash, an' pulls the curtains ower it.
+
+'Well, I kenned then by that token that it was aal ower wi' Jim. She
+had him fast, an' nowt could be done, for interferin' i' them cases is
+warse than useless; but I was sair, sair grieved for him an' his wee
+quiet bonny-faced wife, an' I walked awa home callin' that woman aal
+things I could lay my tongue ti under heaven.
+
+'Things went gradually from warse ti warse; he neglected his work an'
+avoided his wife, an' he became tarr'ble violent iv his temper, an'
+nigh offered ti fight me yence when I tried ti argy wiv him upon his
+foolishness. Well, the crissis comes one night when his wife follows
+him ti the Prospect Hoos an' walks straight inti the drorin'-room
+where him an' the other woman was. He'd just been threatened by the
+viewer, d'ye see, wi' gettin' his notice if he didn't pull hisself
+tegither, an' knawin' things were aaltegither wrang wiv him, he just
+gans slap off ti the woman oot o' pure recklessness, for he was none
+o' yo'r half an' half gentlemen, an' as he was gannin' ti the deevil,
+wey, he wud gan wiv a brass band, ye ken.
+
+'His wife comes in upon them like a ghost, an' never heedin' the other
+woman, cries tiv him, haudin' oot her arms for him, "Oh, come back,
+Jim, come back; divvn't break my heart!"
+
+'Jim says nowt, but glares moodily on the ground, an' there's silence
+for a bit. Then the woman begins ti laugh saftly tiv herself, eyein'
+Jim's missus scornfu' like frae top ti toe standin' there, small an'
+shabby-dressed an' tearfu', an', "Wey doesn't thoo gan?" says she,
+"here's yo'r hooskeeper come ti fetch thoo home!" she says.
+
+'Jim gies a start at this an' looks up wi' blazing eyes at his
+temptress, then he says tiv his wife, "Gan home, Mary, gan home; this
+is no a fit place for thoo," an' sae she gans awa softly, weepin' like
+a desolate bairn.
+
+'Soon as the door shuts he turns upon the other woman, an' he says
+sternly, "This is the end o't, Susan; I'm gannin' awa' an' ye'll never
+see me mair. You've plenty brass, an' can fend for yo'rself. I've
+given thoo my life, an' I can do nae mair; sae good-bye, my lass, for
+ever an' aye."
+
+'But she rushes tiv him, an' clasps her arms roond aboot his neck an'
+sweethearts him an' swears they must get married; but Jim, he puts her
+quietly awa', an' wiv a stone-set face gans oot o' the hoos an'
+straight for the shore.
+
+'Tossin' his cap on ti the ground, he walks right inti the waters an'
+begins swimmin' oot, right oot inti the sea, there ti droon hissel'
+an' his troubles straight awa.
+
+'Well, mevvies he was ower strong ti be easy ti droon; mevvies the
+cold water cleared his mind a bit, an' he thought shame on hissel' ti
+leave wife an' bairns ti shift for theirsels; anyhoo, as he said
+efter, when he saw the red light of a little schooner ridin' waitin'
+for the tide off the harbour, a thought cam intiv his brain, "Wey not
+gan right awa an' make a fresh start iv a fresh place?"
+
+'The thought grows on him, an' he swims oot ti the schooner just as
+she was standin' awa for London town, an' he hails her an' is taken on
+board i' the nick o' time. Another minute an' she would have been oot
+o' sight an' hearin', an' Jim would have been a corpse in another ten
+minutes, I's warn'd.
+
+'Well, nowt is heard ov him for months an' months. "The Heckler"
+carves an "In memoriov'm" on that headstone; his missus gans inti
+"blacks," an' the other woman leaves the Prospect Hoos an' gans right
+awa from these parts.
+
+'One day though, Jim's missus comes alang tiv us cryin' an' laughin'
+aal at yence, haudin' up a letter and kissin' it between whiles. "It's
+from Jim! Jim!" she cries, "an' Jim, sweet Jim, he kept hissel' alive
+for me an' Jackie an' Sal! Oh, he loves me yet, my Jim!"
+
+'Well, it seems as hoo he had gan oot tiv Australia, an' efter a bit
+wanderin' had gettened hisself a very canny sitivation at a gold mine,
+an' he sends aff at yence for his missus an' bairns, an' a week later
+awa they starts.
+
+'They finds Jim doin' first-class when they gets there, an' he went
+ahead like a hoos-o'-fire as soon as he gets his missus an' bairns
+back tiv hissel', an' the past wiv its clartiness was just clean wiped
+out between them.
+
+'An' noo he's the Right Honourable the Lord Mayor o' Ballarat, or some
+such place, an' cannot mak' enough ov his missus and bairns, they say.
+
+'There's some women mevvies,' added 'the Heckler' in conclusion, 'who
+wouldn't have pardoned their man, but she was one o' the sort that are
+just faithfu' ti death--nowt can tarr'fy them aff, an' it's fair
+providential that it should be so, for there's many men noo livin' who
+wud just have been iv hell lang syne else.'
+
+
+FOOTNOTE:
+
+[11] Manager.
+
+
+
+
+'THE HECKLER' UPON WOMENFOLK
+
+
+'Men are kittle cattle enough,' replied 'the Heckler' oracularly, from
+his position of vantage on the top of a gate, to some question of mine
+concerning an indignation meeting held recently to protest against
+some matter about which no two people could give a like account; 'but
+they're nowt ti what womenfolk is. Ye can get roond most men easy
+enough if ye've a bit tax.'
+
+'Tax?' I queried aloud, somewhat mystified. 'What tax? not rates an'
+tax----'
+
+'Gan on wi' thoo--rates an' taxes be d----!' retorted the oracle
+swiftly. 'No, nowt ti do wi' them things; just tax, or tacts, mevvies
+it is, meanin' a pleasant way wi' ye, a bit touch o' the cap when the
+manager's vext wi' ye, a turn o' management when a drunken man wants
+ti fight ye for nowt at aal, ye ken, an' sae forth. Wow, but ye can
+fettle most things amangst men wiv a little o' that social lubricant,
+but wi' women it's different aaltigether; tax is nae use wi' them;
+it's just throwin' pearls before swine.'
+
+'Holloa!' I interrupted again. 'What would the missus say to that?'
+
+'Not hevin' heard it, she'll say nowt,' retorted 'the Heckler'
+severely.
+
+'Well, as I was aboot to say when thoo forgot theeself, and disturbed
+the meetin' wi' yor interruptions, most men has foibles--some's
+dog-men like myself, some's book-men, some's gard'ners, some's
+beer-barrils, an' sae forth, an' if ye mind this ye can get what ye
+want usuallies oot o' them. But women's a different breed aaltigether.
+They divvn't care for the same things as men, an' ye cannet get roond
+them, I's warn'd, for they elwis gets roond ye instead. A man has no
+ambitions till he's married, Maistor John. Mevvies he's keen aboot
+this, an' that, an' 'tother thing, but that's nowt. Noo, woman's just
+chockfull ov ambitions aal her life long, an's nivvor, no, nivvor,
+satisfied from her cradle tiv her grave, an' even then she's wantin'
+fower horses tiv her hearse. Tak' a wee girlie for an instance: she's
+elwis wantin' new claes; then she's wantin' a man, then bairns, then a
+hoos ov her own, then a better cloak than Mariarann nex' door; an'
+when she gets them aal she's not satisfied, not one little bit, but's
+warse than ivvor.
+
+'Noo I'll gie ye an instance o't.
+
+'Ye'll dootless mind havin' seen or heard tell ov Tom Archbold, yence
+fore overman here i' the aad pit, a great, big, buirdly man, champion
+hewer o' the colliery at one time, who aye took the lead i' the
+village at every bit sport, an' carry-on, an' jollification that might
+be gannin' on at any time.
+
+'Well, there was a little wee bit lassie ov aboot twenty-five years ov
+age, who had been married yence, but had lost her man iv an accident
+doon the pit--a fall o' stone, ye ken--an' nae sooner has she buried
+him than she's on the look-oot for anither mate.
+
+'Well, bein' the littlest woman i' the village, she natorally--such
+bein' woman's human nature--tak's a fancy for the biggest man iv it,
+meanin' Tom Archbold, an' she gans for him straight awa.
+
+'Ye'll hev seen a setter dog workin' for a partridge or a rabbit iv a
+rough grass field, mevvies. Weel, it was just the same method o'
+procedure wiv her. She gets a scent o' what she was wantin'; she draws
+upon him up wind; then she gets a tip-toe, steals tiv him till her
+breath's fair upon him, an' the man's done--fair done--clean copped,
+and it's "for better an' warse till death do us part."
+
+'So it was wi' Lizzie an' Tom.
+
+'Tom was a weeda (widower), an' on the look-out for anither missus,
+an' havin' had a great big woman for his first--a proper marrow ov
+himself i' size an' shape--an' not havin' been ower well satisfied wiv
+his venture, he thinks he'll try a smaller article for his second
+lott'ry.
+
+'Well, Tom was elwis very free an' open wiv his conversation, an'
+mevvies Lizzie, she gets ti hear ov it; but she pretends ti tak' no
+notice o' Tom when she passes along the Raa,[12] or meets Tom i' the
+street. She just sails past him, noo wiv head i' the air, again wiv
+her eyes upon the ground, mournfu' like for the loss of her man, an'
+Tom becomes quite bewitched by her manners, for she was a fair
+contrast wiv Bella, who had ti tarrify him wiv a summons from the
+pollis at the finish before she could get him ti marry her i' chorch.
+
+'Well, she bags him clivvor at the finish, an' they gets theyselves
+married wivoot more ado.
+
+'A week efter comes "pay-Friday,"[13] an', natorally, quite apart from
+the "celebration of his nuptials," as the newspaper cheps say, he gets
+hissel' as boosy as can be, what wi' standin' treat, an' bein' treat
+an' aal, an' efter closin' time it was wi' some difficulty that me an'
+my marrer gets him along home.
+
+'We knocks on the door, an' we assists him in, an' he staggers up tiv
+his missus, who was sittin' iv her armchair knittin', an' tries ti gie
+her a bit chuck under the chin. "Ho--way----," he stutters, "Lizzie,
+maa lass, an' put us ti bed!" an' stoopin' down iv a staggerin' way ti
+kiss her loses his balance, an' flops doon unexpected on the floor.
+"Ye needn't wait," Lizzie says tiv us, haughty-like, takin' no notice
+o' Tom, an' sae oot we gans, an' leaves them. But we just stops a
+minute ootside ti hear Lizzie gie him his gruel; an', wow! but she let
+him have it, an' no mistake! "Thoo great flamin' drunken lubbert!"
+says she, "comin' home ti my hoos at this time o' night, drunk as a
+lord, an' only been married a week!" she cries. "Thoo mun just get
+used wiv it, maa lass," says he solemnly from the floor; "for aa elwis
+gets drunk reg'lor on a pay-Friday; an' it'sh maa hoos thoo ----, for
+aa's maistor," he says, thinkin', mevvies, he mun assert hissel' even
+if he has had his gills.
+
+'"Put thoo ti bed?" cries she. "Wey, I'll not touch thoo, nor let thoo
+touch me nowther till thoo's sober again, an's begged maa pardon."
+
+'"Pardon-sh?" says Tom, an' laughs, fair amused by her impittence.
+"Wey, if maa legs wesn't sae wambly the night, I'd larn thoo a lesson,
+thoo ----"
+
+'"Get up, an' try, thoo sponge o' beer," she says, an' snaps her
+fingers iv his face. "Get up, an' try," cries she again. "I daur thoo
+ti;" an' she actually has the impittence ti stir him wiv her foot.
+Just fancy that! A yard an' a half o' petticoat, fair insultin' upon a
+proper mountain ov a man like Tom! The door was a bit open, d'ye see,
+an' my marrer an' me could see them two comics quite plain.
+
+'Well, Tom, he thinks things is comin' tiv a pretty pass if his missis
+is gannin' ti clean her boots on him efter a week's marryin'; so, much
+against his will, he pulls hissel' tegither, an' by the help o' the
+bedpost gets on his feet.
+
+'"Wey," cries Lizzie again, lookin' him ower mair scornfu' than ever,
+"thoo's as unsteady on thy feet as a horse wi' the staggers!" she
+says. "I could knock thoo doon wi' one finger!"
+
+'"I bet-sh a sovereign thoo cannet; ay, an' anither that I'll drive
+yo'r lugs reet intiv yo'r heid wi' one bat o' my fist," says he; an'
+he puffs hissel' oot as he searches for the coin, an' spits on his
+hands iv a preliminary sort o' way.
+
+'Then, sudden, she comes up tiv him, gies him a tap wiv her
+forefinger, unexpected like, straight on the breast, an' Tom, taken
+unawares, lurches backward, catches his foot iv a bracket, crashes
+intiv a chair, an' falls wiv a tarr'ble thump an' a racket of
+furniture straight on ti the flaggin'. He gies a little lift ov his
+head as he looks up in a dazed way for a moment from the floor. Then
+he says, sinkin' back again, "There's been a fall o' stone; gan an'
+fetch the depity," he says, then sort o' dwams (swoons) awa.
+
+'Lizzie, she looks him ower for awhile, cool as a policeman wiv a
+lantern, then lifts a pillow off the bed, an' puts it under his head
+as he lies stretched upon the floor. Next, she takes the boots off her
+man, an' sae leaves him ti bide where he lies, whilst she gans ti bed
+her lane.
+
+'Next mornin' Tom feels hissel' as sick as a bad bat o' the head an' a
+wambly stomach can make a man, an' "lies in" while his missus gies him
+warm things ti drink, an' tends him like a bairn.
+
+'Well, she has him properly caught, for he has ti lie there idle the
+best part ov a week, an' cannet work for another week efter that, the
+skelp he'd got frae the fall bein' a serious affair, as it seemed.
+
+'When he gets up again he was sae savage at the chaff he gets aboot
+bein' knocked doon biv his missus that he gans back tiv his hoos iv a
+hurry, tak's off his belt, an' is gannin' ti strap her within an inch
+ov her life, when she says, "Tom, an' who was it that's been nursin'
+thoo this last fortnight?" An' she axes it quietly, facin' him wivoot
+a tremor, her eyes fixed upon his.
+
+'Tom stands there wiv his arm uplifted; but though he was hot ti
+strike her, somehoo or ither, as he said efter, he was fair bested if
+he could manage it.
+
+'Well, that was aboot the beginnin' an' the end o't, for she'd
+conquered him properly, an' Mister Six-Foot-Two soon found oot he'd
+got a proper taskmaster for his missus, even though she was but a yard
+an' a half high, an' looked as though ye could have snapt her across
+yor arm. She didn't knock him doon again, but she was elwis surprisin'
+him inti startin' things, an' when he tired ov it she would scorn him a
+bit, an' ask, "An' what's the good o' bein' a strong man if ye cannet
+show yor strength? Any fool can get drunk," says she, "an' lose his
+brass bettin'; but thoo's a strong man, Tom, I's warn'd, an' I've bet
+Ned Lee's wife a dollar that thoo can walk past the Pitman's Arms on
+pay-Friday night wivvoot ever lookin' inside!"
+
+'Well, that was the way o't i' Lizzie's case. She soon had her
+Samson's locks clipped short, an' iv a few years' time he becomes a
+depity, a back overman, an' finally fore overman, has a hoos ov his
+own, an' a whole raa (row) o' cottages.
+
+'Some has different ways from others,' reflected my companion,
+further, 'but aal womenfolk's ambitious.'
+
+'Noo, tak' my own case--"the Heckler's"--when I got married on the aad
+lady there was no nonsense aboot the business. "Ho-way," I says, "will
+ye tak' us, Betty?" for I kenned nicely beforehand she was the right
+sort for us, havin' obsarved her previous, an' walked oot wiv her a
+Sunday night or two. "Ay, an' I will, Geordie," she says thankfully,
+an' as meek as skim milk; but for aal that I've been got the best o'
+lots o' time biv her ambition, an' noo, here I is, wiv a fam'ly o'
+seven, an' the missus insistin' upon Harry's--that's the eldest boy,
+ye ken--gannin' ti the Grammar School ti parfect hissel' as a scholar.
+Ay, wor Harry's a proper scholar, I's warn'd, but schoolin's tarr'ble
+expensive.
+
+'An' noo, I'll just gie ye this bit advice, Maistor John. Divvn't thoo
+get married unless thoo marries a heiress, for, I tell thoo, aal
+women's ambitious, an' ambition's a tarr'ble expensive hobby.
+
+'Gox! yes, just fearful, Maistor John.'
+
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[12] Row.
+
+[13] Pitmen are paid fortnightly on the Friday: the following day is
+'pay-Saturday.' Non-pay-Saturday is known as 'baff-Saturday,' the
+derivation of which no man knows to this day.
+
+
+
+
+THE 'CALEB JAY'
+
+(THE 'QUEL OBJÊT')
+
+
+I.
+
+The 'Caleb Jay'[14] was not, as his nickname of itself might testify,
+popular in our pit village of Black Winning. His appearance was
+against him in the first instance, and he continued to be shy and
+reserved even after you might be said to have made his acquaintance.
+Reserve is unpopular in any society, but in the lower social grades,
+where life is of a freer and more hearty character than in the
+propriety-loving circles of the well-to-do, it may be said to be one
+of the 'seven deadly sins.'
+
+There was no reserve about Tom, his elder brother, who was a
+good-looking, idle, somewhat dissolute youth of twenty-three years of
+age.
+
+Tom was always ready to 'stand in' for a 'ha'penny loo,' never
+flinched from a 'bout at the beer,' could throw a quoit well, when his
+eye was clear and his hand steady, and was never at a loss with the
+lasses.
+
+Tom, therefore, was a general favourite, being 'well ta'en up wi'' by
+all save a few of the more serious-minded people; and 'Caleb Jay'
+suffered, I think, partly through contrast with his brother.
+
+'Caleb Jay' had been injured when working as a putter down the pit,
+and consequently was 'game of one leg.' He wore the cast-off finery of
+his brother, the coloured scarves and embroidered waistcoats of his
+festive occasions--out of economy, no doubt, but some said 'oot o'
+foolishness.'
+
+Certainly they did not suit well with his sallow complexion and thin,
+peaked countenance, and with the big and weary eyes.
+
+He worked now at any odd job he could find. He had the care of the
+viewer's strip of kitchen garden, and went round with papers, etc.;
+but it was not much that he earned, apparently, for his mother, who
+doted on her handsome son Tom, was often heard to complain that he
+wasn't worth his keep.
+
+He had a strange way of mysteriously disappearing for some days on
+occasion, sometimes even for a week at a stretch, and sundry persons,
+annoyed perhaps by his reticence, hinted at secret dissipation.
+
+If closely questioned, he would admit having had a 'job i' the toon,'
+or 'ower away yonder,' pointing vaguely this way or that; and gossip
+had at least this confirmation for its uncharitable suspicion, that he
+always returned pale, tired and haggard-looking.
+
+Some of the boys had tried to 'nab' him either coming or going on one
+of these expeditions of his, but he was 'cuter nor a cushat'[15] as I
+overheard a sporting youth lament who had followed him in early
+morning all the way to Oldcastle, and there in the suburbs had
+suddenly lost him just on the brink of discovering the secret.
+
+Gradually we became accustomed to his flittings, and he was spied upon
+no more; but for my own part I thought I had, by a comparison of the
+times and seasons of his absences, at least discovered this much--that
+he was usually away at the incidence of fairs and festivals.
+
+I think I knew him more intimately than any other person in the
+village, except, perhaps, our Methodist minister, who never rested
+till he had succoured any who might be in 'sickness, sorrow, or
+distress'; but to neither of us, I found, on comparing notes, had he
+ever vouchsafed any confidences.
+
+The only way in which I eventually discovered I could be of any use to
+him was by lending him books. He was extremely fond of reading, and
+had a special taste for dramatic poetry, which he occasionally
+gratified by coming to my lodgings, and there devouring the historical
+plays and tragedies of Shakespeare.
+
+I had once or twice on these occasions endeavoured to extort from him
+the secret of his absences, but the only result had been an increased
+reserve on his part, followed by an almost immediate departure from my
+presence, so that I had soon desisted from further questioning him on
+the point.
+
+At the same time, I confess I entertained a lingering hope that I
+might one day be able to penetrate the mystery; for mystery of some
+sort I was convinced it was, though not of a vulgar kind.
+
+
+II.
+
+It so chanced that I was detained in Bridgeton on the day of the
+annual fair and hiring, and having two hours to wait for my train, I
+determined to pass the time away by noting the humours of the
+festival. Farmers' wives, laden with 'remnants' and cheap bargains in
+the hardware line, were slowly surging through the throng, towards the
+various publics, in search of their 'men' and the 'trap.' Hinds, male
+and female, having now 'bound their bargains' with their masters, were
+coasting round the booths and stalls, 'putting in' at all the
+ale-houses they passed in their uncertain voyaging.
+
+The men were somewhat sheepish still, not having taken sufficient beer
+on board as yet to lose the shyness of the countryman in town. They
+confined themselves to chaffing one another, to casting stray glances
+at their sweethearts, who tittered in their wake, and to offering,
+when moved to gallantry, 'anuther glass o' yel.'
+
+A squad of pitmen here and there, their customary rivalries heated
+with liquor, were challenging each other noisily at the various
+'try-your-strengths' and 'prove-your-powers' that were anchored in the
+corners of the market-place.
+
+My attention was next attracted by the clash of cymbals and flamboyant
+drum-drubbings. ''Ere y'are, ladies and gents, 'ere y'are! Yo'r friend
+an' acquaintance Bob Stevens, wiv his high-class dancin', trapezin',
+Shakespearian an' variety entertainment!'
+
+The great flaring gas-brackets, with their smoky tongues stabbing the
+darkness fitfully, lit up a most delectable advertisement. I produced
+'tuppence,' 'walked up,' as invited, to the tent, and found myself in
+the 'hall of amusement and instruction combined.' It was already
+crowded, but I eventually discovered a seat in the far corner.
+
+Cries of 'Back! back!'[16] were still ringing in the air, and after a
+moment or two a most cadaverous-looking clown reappeared and advanced
+to the footlights.
+
+His haggard, melancholy mien was in admirable artistic contrast to his
+garb and the burlesque humour of his song. '_And oh_,' sang he, at the
+end of each verse relating some contretemps of the bashful lover, '_it
+makes me very, very lively! Very, very lively!_' he repeated, as he
+step-danced up and down the tiny stage amidst the guffaws of his
+audience.
+
+It was no great thing to do, perhaps; but it was admirably done. There
+was no extravagance in his accompanying actions, nor exaggeration of
+emphasis anywhere. In short, there was something of the genuine artist
+in him, and it was evident that he held his quaintly assorted
+'tuppeny' audience in his grasp.
+
+I grew strangely interested in the queer little figure before me.
+Something about him appealed strongly to the imagination.
+
+He was encored again, and as I watched him more narrowly his aspect
+became more and more pathetic. I grew convinced that he was suffering
+physical pain; the blot of vermilion on his nose glowed brighter;
+beneath his mask of white I could see ashen-coloured lines streaking a
+colourless face.
+
+'Poor little chap,' thought I; 'he's starving!'
+
+Just at that moment he concluded at the 'wings,' bowing to the
+audience. His linen blouse blew open as he turned, and below a ragged
+shirt thus momentarily visible I saw that which made me suddenly feel
+sick. Before I recovered myself he had passed out on a step, humming
+his refrain, '_Oh, it makes me very, very lively!_'
+
+Now, what I saw was a tumour which could only mean one thing, and that
+was death--an early and painful death probably. 'He's not starving,' I
+muttered to myself; 'poor little chap, he's dying!'
+
+I thought I would go out into the fresh air, but as I prepared to rise
+my eye caught sight of a chink in the canvas through which the 'green
+room' was visible.
+
+The trapeze gentleman was now performing, and the clown was removing
+his 'make up.' Now that he was off the stage I could see that he had a
+limp. A gust of wind came suddenly, enlarging the opening. He turned,
+apparently to close the orifice; his eyes met mine, and in that
+startled second I knew him to be the 'Caleb Jay.'
+
+Repressing a cry of surprise, I came out, and went round to the back
+to wait for him.
+
+
+III.
+
+'Now, tell me,' said I, as I led him up to the station, 'why do you do
+it? You know you oughtn't to, for it will kill you if you exert
+yourself like that.'
+
+'Ay, an' that's why,' replied he, 'for I ken I'm dyin'; I went an'
+axed a doctor a while back, iv Oldcastle, an' he says, "I'll gie ye a
+year ti live at the ootside," says he.'
+
+'Then, why do it?' I urged. 'Do you love it so, or is it for the sake
+of the money?'
+
+'Ay,' he replied, gasping a little, as we mounted the slope to the
+station, 'that's it. It's for the brass. Ye ken Tom, my brother? Well,
+it's for him i' pairt, an' i' pairt for my mother, who wants a bit
+frae me for my keep, ye ken. Noo, Tom's a bonny fellow, ain't
+he?--just a joy ti the eye ti look upon; an' he's aye wantin' a bit
+mair brass for this, an' that, an' t'ither, an', man, it's a pleasure
+ti me ti slave a bit for him. There's nae use o' brass for me--me
+that' just the puir "Caleb Jay"--but Tom's like a live lord when he's
+plenty of brass; an', man, but he spends it weel!'
+
+I was silent for a while, thinking of the tragedy of it all. Then I
+inquired again: 'Well, but how did you know you had this gift of
+acting and singing and impersonation? and why did you hide your talent
+so carefully from us all?'
+
+'It came ower us first, I think,' he answered, 'when reading
+Shakespeare an' tragedies an' sic like. I seemed ti see the vary
+actors theirselves before my eyes, an' I fair felt like them, ye ken.
+Ye'll think it strange, mevvies, but grandfeythor, he had a bit talent
+that way, an' ran awa frae his home, an' made his livin' play-acting
+an' piano-playin', an' singin', an' aal. He took ill somewhere aboot
+here, an' died, an' feythor, he took ti warkin' at the pits, an'
+that's the story of it,' concluded my little companion shyly.
+
+'But with a gift like yours, why didn't you tell _me_ of it, for
+example, or the minister, and perhaps we could have got you a proper
+start somewhere?'
+
+'Ay, I kenned that,' said he, 'an' thank ye kindlies; but I found, on
+tryin' it, that I wesn't strang enow for't iv a reg'lor way; an'
+forbye that, I didn't want the laddies ti ken aboot it, lest they
+might call us "Hamlet," mevvies, or "clownie," or sic like, an' my
+mother divvent like play-actin'; it was she as made my feythor give it
+up, sayin' it wes nae bettor than a mugger's[17] life, elwis wanderin'
+frae one place tiv anuther, an' nae brass iv it at aal.'
+
+There was no time for further talk, for the train was waiting, and,
+arriving at our destination, I found my companion so tired that it was
+all he could do to walk home.
+
+The minister and I put our heads together after this, and collected
+enough money to send our little friend down to a seaside home for a
+few weeks.
+
+On Saturday night, however, a message came from the doctor that he was
+rapidly sinking. His mother and brother were both out, as it happened,
+but the minister and I arrived just in time to bid farewell to the
+poor little 'Caleb Jay.'
+
+As we proceeded silently homeward, an idea came into my head.
+
+'In an age of public testimonials and memorials,' I said, 'humble
+self-sacrifice goes unrewarded. Our little friend ought to have a
+statue at the least; but, of course, it is no good doing anything.
+You, therefore, should bring him into your sermon to-morrow evening,
+and give a few people a hint of it beforehand.'
+
+The idea seemed to strike my companion, and he said he would gladly do
+so.
+
+I had not seen Tom, but as I walked to my lodgings I passed him
+standing at the street corner amidst a knot of companions.
+
+I heard one of them mention the 'Caleb Jay,' and I stayed my steps a
+moment to hear the reply.
+
+'Ay,' said Tom, 'he was a plucky little beggor iv his way, an' useful
+tae, an' I was often sorry for him, _he wes sae tarr'ble ugly_! But,
+ho-way, I's plenty brass on me, and I'll treat ye aal tiv anuthor
+beor!'
+
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[14] It is said that at the time of the Napoleonic wars some French
+prisoners were detained in custody in the pit country not far from
+Durham City. It would appear that some intercourse between the
+inhabitants of the place and the foreigners sprang up, which resulted
+in the addition of one expressive phrase, at least, to the local
+dialect, that, namely, of 'Caleb Jay' for 'Quel objêt!' due to their
+strange garb, probably, or tattered appearance. The phrase is now
+wholly obsolete, the writer believes, but it is said it was once
+actually in use.
+
+[15] Wood-pigeon.
+
+[16] The Northumbrian for 'encore.'
+
+[17] 'Mugger' = beggar; literally, one who sells mugs.
+
+
+
+
+GEORDIE ARMSTRONG, 'THE JESU-YTE'
+
+
+I.
+
+Geordie Armstrong, after a somewhat stormy past, had become a steady
+hewer, and a local preacher of some repute. Never a Sunday but he was
+'planned' to speak at this or that village, and frequently, as he
+found opportunity, would 'pit in a bit overtime' at a 'class-meeting'
+or 'knife-an'-fork tea,' when the 'asking a blessing' or a returning
+of thanks might furnish occasion for a 'bit extemporizin'.' He was in
+receipt of excellent wages down the pit; his worldly goods comprised,
+as he often proclaimed, a 'bonny, an' what's o' far mair importance, a
+godly missus, three canny bairns, a cosy hoos, a fine little
+librairee, an' a tarr'ble fertile garden.'
+
+As he thought upon the sum of his blessings one Saturday night when,
+after having 'weshed hissel' an' had his tea,' he proceeded to light
+his pipe, he felt he could only properly describe himself as a
+'varitable corn-u-cop-ye-ar ov happiness.'
+
+Yet even then, even in that depth of felicity, an uneasy feeling would
+intrude: the memory of Scotty would float to the surface of his mind,
+and the thought of the 'parlous state' in which his old 'marrow'
+(mate) stood would ruffle its calm placidity.
+
+This was 'the little rift within the lute'; here was the caterpillar
+in the 'corn-u-cop-ye-ar,' and, like the Apostle Paul of old, he was
+fain to accept his trial, in the spirit of true humility, as a
+judgment upon him for the failings of his past life.
+
+It was not for lack of trying that Scotty refused to come to chapel;
+indeed, Geordie had so vexed him with his importunity that Scotty had
+refused to work with him any longer, and was now employed further
+'in-by' with another mate. But for all that, Geordie felt certain that
+the cause of failure lay with himself, due probably to his weakness in
+faith, to lack of some essential or other, and that the blame of
+Scotty's not being 'brought to the Lord' lay at his door.
+
+It had been evident to him for some time that he must try other means,
+and, being a great reader, he had latterly come across, and been much
+attracted by, a remarkable account of some ancient methods of the
+'Jesu-ytes' in cases of this sort.
+
+Sometimes the sinner in question had been unwittingly tempted into the
+'narrow path' by the gratification of his ambitions on some point or
+other, conversion resulting, as in the case of Tom Appleby--once a
+fire-hot Socialist, now a sleek Conservative--from unexpected
+prosperity.
+
+At other times the same end had been attained by a crafty flattery.
+Suppose a man ambitious of eminence and State distinction: he might be
+diverted from politics to the Church, and many were the instances
+given of bold and ambitious men who had done great work and attained
+high place as the servants of St. Peter.
+
+Could Scotty not be caught hold of in some such fashion? queried
+Geordie to himself, as he sat by his fireside that night, deeply
+pondering the records he had just been studying. 'I divvn't think he's
+ambitious, for he cares nowt aboot politics, an' he never even thought
+o' stannin' for election on wor Parish Cooncil. Aal he cares for is
+his beer, an' his quoits, an' bettin', an'--an'--his pansies; an' I
+doot I cannot catch haud ov him in any one of those partic'lors, for
+it wouldn't be fittin' for us that's a local preacher to gan an' send
+him a barril o' beer, or back him at a quoitin' match. But
+stay--there's the pansies; he's pansy champion, dootless; but then I's
+leek champion, an' if I can grow leeks, I's warn'd but I can grow
+pansies, for flooers is easier grown nor vegetables.'
+
+Geordie puffed at his pipe vigorously for a minute or two in silence
+as he turned the matter over in his mind.
+
+A light kindled slowly in the back of his deep-set eye, a smile showed
+upon his lips, then he cuffed himself vigorously upon the knee.
+
+'Ho-way, gan on, Geordie!' he encouraged himself aloud; 'thoo's
+turnin' a fair Jesu-yte, I's warn'd!'
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+As the day appointed for the annual meeting of the Flower Show drew
+near, Geordie had been heard to drop hints of the 'wonnerfu' new
+specie' of pansies he had become possessed of--'seedlin's' he had
+obtained 'doon the south-country way,' and it was not long before the
+rumour reached the ears of Scotty.
+
+Nothing could exceed the contempt of the latter when he heard of
+Geordie's trying to grow pansies--'him that's just a vegetable man, a
+tormut (turnip) grower, a sort o' ha'penny farmer,' and as for
+anything good in the way of seedlings coming out of the south-country,
+it was just 'bang ridi'klous, for a' folk kenned that a' the best
+growers lived in auld Scotland.'
+
+By-and-by some mischievous individual told Scotty that Geordie was
+'full' set upon being pansy champion, and was so cock-sure about it
+that he was willing to back himself to win.
+
+Scotty was so annoyed at this that the next time he came across
+Geordie he could not refrain from jeering at his attempt at pansy
+growing. 'Wey, it'll be as muckle as ye can do to tell a pansy frae a
+vi'let!' he cried.
+
+Geordie looked at him seriously from under his bushy eyebrows as he
+replied, 'I's gannin' to show--an' I's gannin' to win--_wi' pansies,
+not vi'lets_.'
+
+'Will ye back yorsel', then?' retorted his opponent sneeringly.
+
+'Well, ye knaa,' replied the other slowly, with evident embarrassment,
+'I's not a bettin' man, but if thoo thinks I's not in earnest, I's
+willin' to gie a proof that I is. What d'ye say to yor takin'--if ye
+beat us, that is--anythin' oot o' my hoos thoo has a fancy for;
+an'--an'--if I beat thoo, wey, aal I axes is that thoo should come to
+chapel--noo an' again, ye knaa--ov an evenin',' he hastily added, as
+his companion's face assumed a look of infinite scorn.
+
+'Ha' ye got that auld double-barrelled shot-gun yet?' queried Scotty,
+after a pause in which he had arrived at the conclusion that the odds
+were 'aboot a thoosand to one' in his favour.
+
+'Yes,' replied Geordie. 'I still have her; she's there hangin' up
+above the mantelshelf.'
+
+'Well, I'll tak' up wi' yor proposal,' was Scotty's reply.
+
+'Shake hands on't, then,' said Geordie slowly, unsuccessfully
+endeavouring to instil an apprehensive tremor into his voice.
+
+His companion shook hands carelessly, and swung away whistling
+barefacedly, 'And it's up wi' the bonnets o' Bonnie Dundee.'
+
+Geordie, on his part, walked away swiftly homewards, fearing lest his
+exultation might betray itself too openly. 'Wow!' he thought to
+himself, 'but I's fair a-feard o' mysel'. I's growin' intiv a proper
+Jesu-yte!'
+
+The morning of the show-day came, and Geordie, having finished packing
+his exhibits with extraordinary care, had just returned with the small
+cart the grocer had lent him to convey his treasures to the
+show-field, about a mile and a half distant, when up came Maggie,
+Scotty's wife, who, notwithstanding the little difference between
+their respective men, had always kept up her friendship with Geordie's
+wife. Her arms bore a large green case, tied round with a many-knotted
+cord. This she hastily set down beside the cart, then turned
+breathlessly to Geordie, who, with his son, was just about to drive
+off.
+
+'Eh noo, canny man,' she cried, as she wiped her hot face with the
+tail of her gown, 'do us a favour. Will thoo carry my man's pansy-case
+up to the show wi' yors? Wor Jimmy was to have taken it up first thing
+this mornin', but he went aff for his school treat an' left it--an' my
+man's awa playin' hissel' at quoits--an' he'll aboot kill Jimmy when
+he gans up to the show an' finds his pansies isn't there.'
+
+Geordie willingly acceded, and the green case was carefully deposited
+alongside of his own at the bottom of the cart.
+
+His nine-year-old son squatted on the seat opposite, his legs up to
+his chin, so as to be out of the way as much as possible in the
+crowded cart. The pony started off gallantly enough, and all went well
+till within about two or three hundred yards of the field. At that
+point, however, the pony suddenly shied at some stray paper on the
+road, and Tommy fell with a crash upon the green case below.
+
+'Eh, Tommy, lad!' cried his father in dismay; 'what hast thoo done?
+Wow! but thoo's gan an' smashed Scotty's case right thro' an' thro'!'
+
+His succeeding feeling was one of joy; for, the accident having
+irreparably damaged a third at least of his rival's pansies, it was
+evident that Scotty was now 'catched,' and Geordie, with an inward
+acknowledgment to Providence, saw, as in a vision, Scotty sitting
+devoutly 'under' himself in chapel.
+
+A few moments later, however, doubt and dismay entered his soul. What
+if Scotty should say Tommy had done it 'o' purpose'--at his
+instigation? Further reflection convinced him that this was exactly
+what Scotty would say, and doubtless there would be some folk unkind
+enough to back him up in it.
+
+Scotty would likelies claim the gun. Well, he'd not mind parting with
+that, but he could not give up the prospect of saving Scotty's soul
+alive without a groan.
+
+'Eh, Tommy, lad! Eh, Tommy! But thoo divvn't knaa what thoo's done;
+thoo's put us in a fine quandary,' he murmured, gazing sadly now at
+Tommy, who was rubbing his knee ruefully, and again at the splintered
+case. The problem was a 'puzzlor;' even a Jesu-yte might have found
+solution difficult; for Scotty, he knew, would not believe him if he
+told the simple story of the accident, and winning the prize would be
+useless in the face of Scotty's insinuations of foul play.
+
+The only way out of the difficulty, he determined sadly, was to
+exhibit his own pansies under Scotty's name, and withdraw from the
+contest himself. The contents of the two cases were sufficiently alike
+for his purpose, though his own were superior in size and depth of
+colour. It was a 'sair trial,' for his pansies were bound to win; but
+his character as an honest, religious man was at stake, and Scotty's
+triumph would be easier to endure than his sneers, if defeated, at a
+'chap who caa's hissel' releegious, an' swindles ye like a Jew
+pedlar.'
+
+With a groan he undid the label, and tied it on to his own beloved
+specimens, casting aside, as a temptation of the evil one, a
+disturbing suggestion that he was guilty of deception in passing off
+his own as Scotty's pansies.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The judges had been round, and Scotty's pansies easily gained the
+place of pride; pansies so perfectly developed, so dark and deep in
+colour, had never been shown before.
+
+A crowd of admirers stood round. Scotty came lurching up, having
+evidently held a preliminary carouse in certain expectation of the
+championship, and, with a careless glance at his exhibits and the red
+card attached, cried triumphantly:
+
+'Ay! an' whaur's that Geordie body noo, wi' his brags an' a'? Wey, I'm
+tauld he daurna even exhibit his ain puir specimens by the side o'
+mine! Look at thae pansies, an' think o' him wi' his yaller sheep's
+tormuts tryin' to vie wi' me that's the auld established pansy
+champion! Ay, I'm that ower an' ower again; an' what's mair, I've win
+his gun. Wey, I'll gang an' fetch her awa at aince!'
+
+So boasting, the proud champion reeled off in triumph, inadvertently
+knocking up against a silent looker-on, who was standing in melancholy
+guise against a tent-pole some little distance away.
+
+One morning, a day or so after the flower-show, it chanced that Tommy
+was late for school, and, rounding a corner hurriedly, ran up against
+a big boy, who was sporting a pansy in his buttonhole. The big boy,
+who was Scotty's son, immediately proceeded to cuff him for his
+carelessness, and Tommy retorted by "calling"[18] his opponent and his
+family connections with a ready profuseness.
+
+'Wey, even that pansy thoo's sportin' divvn't belong thoo, nor thy
+feythor nowther, it's my dad's growin'; he showed his ain pansies as
+Scotty's, 'cos Scotty's happened an accident i' the cart. Feythor took
+them up for yor mither, 'cos thoo had forgottened them, an' to save
+thoo a strappin'; an' feythor's pansy champion, and Scotty's nowt but
+a beer-barril!'
+
+'Liar!' responded the other boy, with a punch of his fist.
+
+'Ax yor mither, then,' shouted Tommy, as he ducked and broke away from
+his captor's clutch.
+
+A night or two after this encounter Geordie was surprised by a visit
+from Scotty.
+
+'Whatten a tale's this ye're spreadin' aboot o' yor showin' yoor
+pansies as mine, I'd like to ken?' demanded the intruder wrathfully.
+
+Geordie looked up quietly from his book, and: 'I've spread no tales
+aboot thoo or thy pansies,' he replied.
+
+'Weel, it's either thoo or that wee, impittent son o' yoors, Tommy.
+Noo, I've been axin' my missus aboot it, an' she says she did gie ye
+my pansies to tak' up to the show wi' yoors; an' what I want to be at
+is what i' the deil's name ye did to them.'
+
+Geordie, in reply, exactly related what had occurred.
+
+'Then, wey didn't ye tell us aboot it?' demanded Scotty, still
+dissatisfied.
+
+'Because thoo has a tarr'ble sharp tongue i' thy mouth, an' I divvn't
+want to be scandalized aboot the village as one who would sharp
+another for the sake o' winnin' a floo'er prize.'
+
+'Hum!' ejaculated Scotty, 'it's an extraordinar' thing this! But hoo
+can ye explain aboot the pansies, then? I'm pansy champion, an'
+therefore thae pansies that win the prize mun ha' been mine, yet here
+ye are sayin' that they were yoors.'
+
+Geordie got up from his seat, and, without immediately replying, went
+into the room at the back, and came forth again bearing in his arms a
+shattered green case.
+
+'Dis thoo recognise this?' he asked quietly, as he set it down on the
+table in front of his visitor.
+
+'Ay,' replied Scotty, after a minute inspection; 'it's mine dootless.
+But what then?'
+
+'Wey, then, thoo has my case, an' my pansies inside ov it; an' here's
+yors still left i' their holes, just as they were on show-day.'
+
+Scotty bent over the broken lid incredulously, lifted a faded specimen
+out, and regarded it contemptuously.
+
+'Na, na,' he asserted shortly, 'that's no my pansies; mine were
+champions, an' these is weeny things. Na, na, there's been a bit queer
+play about this. Maybe Tommy changed them frae the one case to the
+ither.'
+
+'Tommy did nowt o' the sort,' retaliated Geordie quickly. 'Aal that
+was done was to untie the label an' clagg (stick) it on to my case
+instead o' yors.'
+
+'Weel, it's a dommed queer thing aaltegither,' replied Scotty, pushing
+his cap from his brow, 'and beyont me; for I'm champion, nobody can
+deny that, an' a proper professor at floo'er growin', an' ye're but an
+ammytoor, d'ye see? An' it's just surprising to me that ye could e'er
+imagine ye could compete wi' me. But I divvn't wish to be ower hard on
+ye, an' I'll e'en gie ye the benefit o' the doot, as the saying is;
+sae I'll just send ye back yoor gun--that is,' he continued slowly,
+eyeing Geordie wistfully, 'if ye're wishfu' to ha' her back.'
+
+'Thoo can keep her,' replied Geordie, 'for it's nae use to me
+nowadays; but I would like--I would be tarr'ble pleased if thoo would
+come----' Here he halted abruptly, on a sudden fear lest Scotty's
+suspicions of some underhand play in regard to the pansies might be
+again roused if he too openly requested him to come to chapel.
+
+The other hesitated a little. 'Weel,' he said finally, 'it's a canny
+wee gun, an' I would gey like to keep her. An' as for chapel
+gangin'--for I suppose that's what ye're after--if ye divvn't blab
+aboot us, wey, I'll just tak' a look in noo an' again.'
+
+'That's right, noo,' responded Geordie gratefully, and his deep-set
+eyes glowed with a warmer light. 'Shake hands on't.'
+
+Scotty shook hands without demur and swiftly departed, fearful lest
+Geordie might regret the arrangement.
+
+Geordie leant back in his chair and heaved a sigh of relief as he
+offered up a silent thanksgiving to Providence for having softened
+Scotty's heart.
+
+'It's aal right noo,' he murmured. 'Wi' the help I've had from above
+I've catched him at the finish, an' chapel will do the rest.'
+
+Thus for some time he reflected devoutly. Then of a sudden a smile
+broke upon his lips and he clapped his hand vigorously upon his thigh.
+'By!' he exclaimed aloud, 'but I's a proper Jesu-yte efter aal!'
+
+
+FOOTNOTE:
+
+[18] Abusing.
+
+
+
+
+'GEORDIE RIDE-THE-STANG'
+
+
+     The custom of 'riding the stang' is now obsolete, so that the date
+     of this story must be put back a number of years, though Mr.
+     Brockett,[19] writing in his glossary of Northumbrian words, in the
+     early part of this century, says, 'I have myself been witness to
+     processions of this kind. Offenders of this description are mounted
+     a-straddle on a long pole, or stang, supported upon the shoulders
+     of their companions. On this painful and fickle seat they are borne
+     about the neighbourhood backwards, attended by a swarm of children
+     huzzaing and throwing all manner of filth. It is considered a mark
+     of the highest reproach, and the person who has been thus treated
+     seldom recovers his character in the opinion of his neighbours.'
+     The method of divination by the puddings has been practised within
+     living memory, and even yet may be resorted to by way of a jest
+     upon occasion.
+
+     Since writing the above the author has come across in Mr. R.
+     Blakeborough's interesting book, 'Yorkshire Wit, Character and
+     Customs,' a different version of 'riding the stang,' to which he
+     is indebted for the first four lines of the 'furrinor's' song. In
+     a footnote Mr. Blakeborough adds that the 'stang' was ridden at
+     Thoralby, Wensleydale, as recently as October, 1896.
+
+There was French blood in Geordie Robertson's wife, Mary, and it may
+perhaps have been owing to her origin that she was so eager for
+revenge when she found herself deceived by her husband.
+
+She had begun to suspect him of infidelity even before a neighbour had
+given her a hint that he had a 'fancy' wife away in Bridgeton, for her
+husband brought home less and less with his 'pack' after his weekly
+tramp was over, and when she asked for explanations he 'called' her
+with most abusive virulence.
+
+For her further satisfaction she determined to make trial, now that
+the pig was to be killed, of the ancient method of divination
+practised by the pit-wives, of which the following is the ritual:
+
+When the animal has been slaughtered and the blood duly made into
+puddings, these puddings are 'set away' to boil by the inquirer of the
+oracle. Then, just before they are taken out of the 'pot,' the
+officiating priestess must say aloud that she 'gives them' to him who
+is suspected of infidelity. Should the puddings emerge whole, gossip
+is dumfoundered; should they come forth broken, the man is proved to
+have a 'fancy' wife.
+
+Mary, indeed, found she could scarcely control her impatience when the
+fatal day came, and, the pig duly slaughtered, she 'gave' the puddings
+to her husband, Geordie.
+
+She waited another minute to give the spell the lawful grace, then
+with a trembling hand plucked forth the puddings.
+
+'Ah--ah!' she gasped, tremulous but triumphant, 'then it is so; he has
+a fancy wife,' and her quick brain fell to pondering a plan for
+discovery and revenge.
+
+The first thing to be done was to lure her 'man' into a false security
+by subtle commiseration with him on the 'slackness' of trade, as also
+by a wonderful submissiveness, even to the extent of going without
+bacon for breakfast in order that she might save enough to buy him
+tobacco. Now this form of procedure with a selfish man usually
+produces excellent results. If he is sufficiently selfish, he does not
+stay to inquire why or wherefore, but takes all he can, as a cat her
+cream, without delay, without a thank you--nay, unlike tabby, without
+even an inward purr.
+
+It was so with Geordie, who began incontinently to brag about his
+'missus's trainin',' and how he was 'champion' at 'fettlin' a wife's
+nonsense,' and, swollen with self-satisfaction, began now to treat her
+with a sort of contemptuous toleration.
+
+A fortnight or so after Mary had made trial of her puddings, Geordie
+carelessly mentioned the fact that he would be away over the
+'week-end' in and about Bridgeton, and demanded some 'brass' from her
+for the replenishing of his 'pack.'
+
+Outwardly submissive, she gave him five shillings from her small
+savings, but inwardly determined that it was the last sum of money he
+should have from her.
+
+On Friday night Geordie departed gaily for Bridgeton, and on the
+Saturday afternoon Mary followed suit, clad in a thick cloak which
+might serve her for a disguise upon occasion.
+
+When she arrived there, the main street and market were thickly
+crowded with a swarm of holiday-making pitmen, country folk, farmers
+and their wives, hinds, male and female, for it was the date of the
+annual fair and hiring, of 'the general assembly' of tramps, pedlars,
+'tinklers' (tinkers), show-men, and the like, whose business it is to
+attend such gatherings.
+
+In such a crowd Mary felt safe from recognition, but it might be a
+difficult task to discover her 'man' in all that company.
+
+An hour or two passed, and she had been up and down the long street
+twice without success; but just as she was turning into a cheap
+refreshment-room, with 'Tea and coffy always redy' written in a
+slovenly hand upon a dirty placard in the window, she caught the sound
+of a voice raised in semi-drunken irritation close behind her which
+caused her to turn her head hurriedly in that direction.
+
+Yes, there he was without doubt, her Geordie, heavy with liquor
+already--not 'mortal' yet, but quarrelsome. Aha! and that was the
+'fancy' wife, of course, who had him fast by the arm--a blousy,
+red-faced, fat-armed, big chested woman, who was evidently trying to
+persuade her charge to come home much against his inclination. At
+sight of her rival--immodest, gross, overpowering--Mary shrank back
+aghast, and it was only after a struggle with herself and a forcible
+iteration of her wrongs, that she could persuade herself slowly and
+reluctantly to follow the couple in front of her.
+
+'Ho-way!' shouted Geordie; 'there's Tom Turnbull ower by there tryin'
+ti lift weights an' show 's strength. Wey, but Tom cannet lift
+weights, he's nowt but a wee bit beggor. Tom, thoo beggor!' he
+challenged across the intervening throng of heads, 'thoo cannet lift
+weights; wey, Aa'l lift weights wi' thoo for a bottle o' whisky!'
+
+'Ho-way, then, thoo aad fightin'-cock! but Aa give thoo fair warnin'
+Aa can beat thoo, for Aa's champion.'
+
+At this, the 'fancy' wife seized her 'man' firmly by the sleeve,
+fearing doubtless lest, in his then 'muzzy' condition, Geordie would
+waste the scanty remainder of his brass upon a vain endeavour, and, by
+way of effectually dissuading him, indiscreetly praised his rival's
+prowess.
+
+'No, no, Geordie, my man, come this way, an' give us my fairin'; wey,
+there's a mort o' things ti see yet; there's the shuttin'-gall'ry, an'
+the twa-headed cat, an' the giant, an' the fat woman, an' aal--ho-way.
+Ay, an' Geordie, hinny, Tom Turnbull's tarr'ble clivvor at liftin'
+they handles things an' drivin' the bolt up the stick wi' the hammer,
+an' Aa's warn'd but he'll bang thoo at that game.'
+
+'Tom Turnbull!--that haalf-grown, bandy-legged beggor ov a bit tailor
+ov a man bang me? Gox! but Aa'll larn him a lesson. Aa'll cut his
+comb, Aa's warn'd!' and Geordie forthwith, murmuring maledictions,
+thrust blindly through the crowd till he reached the spot where his
+rival stood, the centre of an admiring circle of friends.
+
+'Noo,' cried Geordie, turning up his wrist-cuffs, 'Aa'll show thoo hoo
+the thing's done when it's done proper. Wey, this bolt 'll hit the
+beam at the top when Aa gie the stump a bat!' and without more
+ado--amidst the jeers of some, and the encouragement of a few false
+friends--he seized the hammer, swung it round his head, and brought it
+down some feet wide of the mark--smash upon the cobble-stones of the
+market-place. 'That's done the business!' cried Geordie triumphantly,
+conscious from the stinging of his hands that he had 'gi'en it a
+champion bat,' and certain that he had driven up the bolt some feet
+above his rival's mark.
+
+Through the roar of laughter, which Geordie complacently accepted as
+the proper accompaniment of Tom's defeat, a voice pierced suddenly
+with a shrill note as of a fife.
+
+'Thoo great clumsy lubbert, see what thoo's done! Thoo's broke the
+hammer's head off! That's half a crown, my man, for the hammer, an' a
+penny for the shot; an' if thoo disn't hand it ower, I'll call the
+pollis, for it's fair takin' the livin' oot ov a poor weeda woman's
+mouth to break her hammer thet fashion!' and a thin-faced female, with
+a red-lined nose, sharp cheekbones, and watery eyes, held up two
+skinny fists in anger against him.
+
+'Gan on, woman, gan on!' retorted Geordie indignantly; 'wey, it's thoo
+sh'd pay us, or gie us a cigyar, or a cokienut; for that bat o' mine
+hit the bull's-eye, Aa's warned.'
+
+The shrill-voiced female renewed her protestations, and some of the
+bystanders joined in with additional explanations; but Geordie would
+have none of them. 'Gan on,' he retorted; 'gan awa home, an' wesh yor
+feyce! Wey, the hammer's as rotten as pash, for Aa brought her fair
+doon like a pick reet on top o' the stump. What else should maa hands
+be tinglin' for?'
+
+The proprietress of the hammer, however, continued to assail Geordie
+with abuse, while at the same time the 'fancy' wife upon his other
+side endeavoured to drag him away, so that it need not surprise us if
+Geordie suddenly lost his temper, and turned heavily upon his
+tormentors.
+
+He shook off the one, and flung down a shilling in payment of the
+supposed damage to the hammer; the other--the 'fancy' wife--he pushed
+roughly from him, with the result that she lost her balance, and fell
+whimpering in the mud, while Geordie lurched off to the nearest
+hostelry, muttering indignantly as he went, 'Aa's been fair mucked
+ower wi' women the day--just fair mucked ower.'
+
+A swift inspiration gleamed in Mary's mind. For the punishment of
+Geordie she had already made due preparation, and now, if she could
+only persuade the 'fancy' wife, her triumph would be complete.
+
+She noticed the woman angrily brushing the muck off her 'feast gown,'
+and at once made her way up to her and touched her gently on the arm.
+'Ay,' she said quietly, as the other looked up with red and testy
+face, 'an' it's the same way he treats me;' holding her left hand
+loosely so that her marriage-ring was plainly conspicuous.
+
+'So he has a lawful wife, an' yore her?' And the speaker gave a
+suspicious, all-embracing stare. 'Well,' she continued slowly,
+jealousy slipping, like some slow portcullis, from her eyes, 'he's had
+a change, has my lord! Forst, it was a thin lass like yorsel', an' noo
+it's a plump one like me. Ay, he's greedy, is Geordie; he winna be
+content wi' the one, like Jack Spratt, but wants both.'
+
+'Ay, lass,' replied the other woman quietly, 'yore right: he's greedy
+an' selfish. That's the sort--a selfish good-like nowt, that lives on
+women, makes them keep him through life just as one does a babby; an'
+he's treated the pair ov us shameful--just shameful; but, hinny, I've
+a plan for a bit payment for him, an' if ye come aside a bit wi' me,
+I'll tell ye o't.' And she laid an appealing hand upon the other's,
+and affected with the disengaged one to brush the remaining dirt from
+the 'fancy' wife's skirt.
+
+'Well, what is't?' said the latter, suffering herself to be led
+through the crowd to a quiet corner.
+
+Mary at once proceeded, but with a cautious self-effacement, to detail
+her schemes for Geordie's discomfiture. 'It will not hurt him,' she
+protested, as her rival still sat silent, 'but it will pay him a bit
+for the way he's treated us'--here Mary's hand again occupied itself
+with the soiled dress--'and it will give ye the laugh over him. I've
+done wiv him mysel; I'm awa to France to-night or morning--that's
+where Grandfeyther was bred; he came to these parts selling onions at
+first, an' finally settled doon here to 'scape the soldierin'. An'
+I've money enough to pay the expenses,' she continued; 'an' for
+suthin' to eat an' drink an' the ticket.'
+
+The 'fancy' wife looked at her somewhat hardly, suspicion rising to
+the surface of her eye. 'An' sae yore off to France, are ye?' she
+queried; 'ay, an' yore tired ov him? Well, mevvies he would say as he
+was tired o' thoo; but I've a grudge again' him for the way he's treat
+us to-day, spendin' aal my brass ower himsel' an' clartin' my gown an'
+all, an' I'll pay him for't, I's warn'd.' And her face darkened
+vindictively.
+
+'That's right,' replied Mary swiftly. 'And now for the plan. Here's
+money for you to treat him with. Get him awa oot o' the public before
+he's had too much, an' bring him along wi' you by the last train from
+Bridgeton, an' I'll meet you wi' the "stang" ready for him, an' the
+lads, an' the music, an' all. Oh, but it'll all gan fine, ye-es,
+ye-es!'
+
+So Mary, having handed over all that she could spare to her rival,
+departed for the railway-station with a view to catching an earlier
+train, and revising her preparations at the other end.
+
+Her elation was complete. The only possible flaw in her subtly-devised
+plan lay in the moods of the 'fancy' wife. If Geordie continued to
+treat her roughly--and as he had now evidently settled down to the
+drink, he was almost certain to do so--she would be true to the
+arrangement; if not, she might relent, and keep Geordie from his house
+that night.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The train was overdue, and Mary waited with a feverish expectation at
+the station's descent amidst a small crowd of young men and boys to
+whom the idea of making anyone 'ride the stang' had appealed with an
+irresistible sense of novelty.
+
+The custom, indeed, was obsolete, but all had heard of it, and the
+older men had often witnessed it in their youth, and some of them had
+collected near the station to criticise and superintend the
+performance.
+
+The 'stang' itself was in readiness--having been lent to Mary on this
+occasion by the schoolmaster and antiquary of the village, whose
+father had been, as constable, its custodian in the old days.
+
+And now at last the rumble of an approaching train was audible, and
+the group at once assumed an alert and eager air.
+
+A crowd of tired excursionists slowly descended the narrow path from
+the station, men and women together, but there was no sign of Geordie
+or the 'fancy' wife. Mary's heart grew heavy within her; after all,
+then, she would have to depart without that sweet morsel--her revenge.
+The 'fancy' wife must have relented and informed Geordie of her plans.
+
+'Ho-way,' cried a man in her ear, 'he's not comin' back the night;
+thoo's gi'en him a gliff mevvies.'
+
+'Stay!' cried she swiftly, detaining him by the arm. 'What's that,
+then?' she whispered triumphantly, as at the tail of the procession of
+pleasure-seekers a couple became visible descending fitfully with
+wayward lurches.
+
+'See there!' continued Mary eagerly, 'it's Geordie an' his "fancy"
+wife with him. Catch tight haud of him, an' mount him, an' carry him
+through the length o' the village on the "stang"--right to his very
+door; he canna get in though, for I've the key i' my pocket,' and Mary
+laughed with an inward glee.
+
+Down came the couple slowly, Geordie abusing his companion, as he
+lurched against her heavily, for not progressing with more even
+footsteps, the woman saying nothing, but tightly gripping him by the
+arm, in order, doubtless, to keep him upright and also to prevent any
+attempt at escape.
+
+The wicket-gate swung open, Geordie lurched through, and in a moment
+he was seized, hoisted into the air, a rough pole thrust through his
+legs, and the triumphal march began to the tune of a penny whistle,
+played by the local champion, a carter to trade, and a number of Jews'
+harps and toy trumpets with which a herd of small boys poured forth
+discordant revel.
+
+'Gox! Aa's fallen intiv a sorcus (circus),' cried Geordie, in the
+first moment of astonishment, then, 'Leave haud ov us, ye great
+flamin' Irish---- What the devil's this Aa's astride o'?' adding with
+solemn dignity, 'Yore makin' a tarr'ble mistake. Aa's not Blondin, ti
+walk on a tight rope for ye; Aa's Geordie Campbell o' the Raa (Row),
+whe lives i' the hoos wi' the brass handle tiv't.'
+
+'Ay, ay, we knaa thoo!' cried the chorus of urchins; 'thoo's Geordie,
+drunken Geordie, Geordie wi' the "fancy" wife. Geordie, Geordie
+ride-the-stang! Eh, what a clivvor rider is Geordie! Thoo's a proper
+jockey, Geordie, an' thoo'll mevvies ride the winner i' "the
+Plate"[20] before thoo's finished wiv it.'
+
+This idea tickled the carriers of the 'stang,' and Geordie's bearers
+were forthwith transformed into thorough-breds with a tendency to
+buck-jump. Hither and thither he rolled, dazed and bewildered,
+helplessly clutching at the heads of those near him for support, but
+his arms were seized, his legs tightly crossed below the 'stang,' and
+he swung from side to side, while the rougher boys, chanting rude
+doggerel over him, gathered and threw mud upon him. A trombone and a
+'sarpint' here joined the noisy crowd, and to the varied strains of
+'The Campbells are coming,' 'Weel may the keel row,' and 'Canny Dog
+Cappie,' Geordie was borne in triumph up the Row.
+
+A 'furrinor' (foreigner, stranger) here joined the medley, a 'South
+countryman' from Yorkshire, who, chancing to have lately come to the
+village after some private experience of his own in stang-riding in
+one of the remoter Yorkshire vales, at once placed his services at the
+crowd's disposal.
+
+Marching at the head of the procession, like the drum-major of a band,
+and beating together two saucepan-lids, he led the anthem.
+
+Between the 'cling, cling, cling' of the lids his voice rose lustily:
+
+    'Ah tinkle, ah tinkle, ah tinkle tang,
+    It's not foor your part nor mah part
+    'At ah ride the stang,
+    But foor you, Geordie Robertson, who his wife did bang.'
+
+Scarcely had he ended when the shrill trebles of the boys took up the
+wondrous tale, and in antiphony chanted their response:
+
+    'Up wiv a bump and down wiv a bang
+    Gans Geordie, Geordie ride-the-stang;
+    A bump an' a bang for his deed sae wrang,
+    An' we'll larn him a lesson for ever sae lang.'
+
+Then, to the full chorus, with complete orchestra of flute and fife,
+trombone and triangle, tin whistle and 'sarpint,' brass pot, pan, and
+saucepan-lids, the entire procession moved slowly onward.
+
+Mary's eyes burned bright with exultation as she marched along in the
+crowd, not letting a single incident of the spectacle escape her
+notice, and as she watched she too joined in the chorus of 'Geordie,
+Geordie ride-the-stang' without restraint.
+
+The sound of the familiar voice roused the victim from the stupor into
+which the hustling, peltings, and shoutings had reduced him.
+
+'Thoo ----,' he yelled, as he caught sight of her; 'then it's thoo
+that's at the bottom o' this? By, but if Aa wes free Aa'd----' But a
+stalk of cabbage thrown at a venture by a small boy on the skirts of
+the crowd here impeded his utterance, and Mary's voice rang out
+perhaps more triumphantly than before.
+
+The 'fancy' wife, meanwhile, who had at first discreetly retired from
+public view and looked on at the procession from a distance, had
+shortly after joined the noisy throng, moved thereto by a sense of
+isolation, and also by a certain smouldering compunction. She looked
+around her irresolutely; she felt she had acted precipitately;
+certainly she was not deriving any advantage from the proceedings,
+whereas her rival was the leader of the revelry, dancing, clapping her
+hands, and carrying on like a 'Maypole lass.'
+
+At this moment Mary inadvertently brushed against her, and in a moment
+the 'fancy' wife turned upon her like a spitfire. Clenching her fists
+and shouting vituperations, she tried to seize her by the hair. Foiled
+in this by an adroit swerve of Mary's under the 'stang,' she turned
+her fury upon Geordie's bearers, and with such success that to defend
+themselves they were forced to lower the pole to the ground. 'Noo,
+Geordie,' cried she, promptly thrusting the wooden weapon into his
+hands, 'mak' play wiv it, my man, ho-way,' and Geordie, realizing he
+was now free, lunged furiously in all directions, and scattered the
+crowd like chaff before him.
+
+Steered by his 'fancy' wife, a way grew clear about them, and Geordie
+marched slowly, unsteadily forward, bearing the 'stang' like a
+battering-ram straight in front of him, down the remaining length of
+the Row, accompanied at a respectful distance by a rabble of the
+smaller urchins.
+
+Right on past his house he went, out into the darkness beyond, and
+over the bridge at the end of the village, still tightly grasping the
+'stang' himself, and tightly grasped in his turn by his 'fancy' wife.
+
+The last train to Oldcastle happened to pass above the bridge at that
+moment, and a head leant far out through a carriage window.
+
+'Ay!' a clear voice sounded, with a touch of derision on the night
+air--'Ay! that's right, haud him tight, for he wants it badlies.'
+
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[19] Mr. Brockett died in 1842.
+
+[20] The Northumberland Plate.
+
+
+
+
+YANKEE BILL AND QUAKER JOHN
+
+
+Quaker John was one of the best known figures in the small seaport
+town of Old Quay. Short of stature, heavy of tread, always quietly
+attired in a black suit, which varied not in cut from year to year;
+indeed, the same suit had once been known to do duty for three years
+together, till his wife one day, so 'twas said, handed them over to
+the chimney-sweep in mistaken identity. You might have told that he
+was of Puritan descent some yards away, but the 'letter of the law' in
+him had been softened down by the kindly genius of the old-fashioned
+Quaker. A genial twinkle lay in hiding at the back of his steadfast
+eye, and a smile was always 'at heel' beside his big and honest mouth.
+
+A broad and spectacled nose completed the portrait of one in whom the
+harmlessness as of a dove did not of necessity efface the wisdom of
+the serpent. At least, so said Yankee Bill, who read character 'at
+sight'; but then, Bill was a disciple of that cynical logic which
+proclaims not only all priests to be humbugs, but all men immersed in
+business who make pretensions to piety to be hypocrites or fools.
+
+He had happened to pass along the street one 'fourth-day' morning as
+John came out of the meeting-house, and overheard him address a remark
+about business to a Quaker friend at his side, and thereafter was
+merciless in ridicule. 'John's patent incubator,' he styled the
+meeting-house, 'for plot-hatching,' and pretended to be afraid of
+doing business with him on Wednesday afternoons for fear of being
+'skinned.'
+
+Bill was a waif from the seas who had somehow been thrown up at Old
+Quay a few years back, and having 'prospected around' and 'pegged out
+a claim' for himself in the indiscriminate region of commission
+business, life insurance, advertising agencies, secretaryships, and
+other nebulous formative processes, was now almost as well-known a
+figure in the town as Quaker John himself.
+
+The chief foundation in any abiding friendship is a certain diversity
+of temperament which those who wondered at the mutual liking that had
+sprung up between the retiring stockbroker's clerk and the worldly
+Yankee had evidently overlooked. To John the American's audacity was a
+perpetual delight, tempered by occasional Puritan scruples as to
+whether he was justified in associating with so hardened an
+unbeliever. To Bill Coody the Quaker's reposefulness and quiet
+self-sufficiency were both a sleeping-draught and irritant.
+
+Nothing delighted him more than to get a rise out of John; but John
+was hard to catch, and even when craftily inveigled into a theological
+argument, was extremely chary of entering into definite statements.
+Even when his position was most hotly assailed by the other, who made
+unsparing use of the _argumentum ad hominem_, reinforced by a store of
+malicious anecdotes of religious 'professors' all the world over, John
+never lost his temper, but mildly suggested that his antagonist was an
+Anarchist in disguise.
+
+John himself, though immersed in business which some of the 'plain
+people' have been used to look askance at, lived after the simple
+fashion of the straiter sect.
+
+After his day's work at the office, where as head clerk much
+responsibility lay on his shoulders, he would go straight home and
+employ his leisure on fine days in his garden, and on wet days in his
+library, for John was not only a book-collector, but also a reader.
+
+One pipe of tobacco he allowed himself before going to bed on week
+days and two on 'first-days,' and flavoured his tobacco with a chapter
+of 'George,' as he styled in affectionate intimacy his favourite
+author (Mr. Meredith) on week-days, but a portion of Barclay's
+'Apology' on 'first-day' evenings.
+
+One evening John was sitting reading as usual, when the maid-servant
+came in to say that Mr. Coody wished to have a few words with him.
+'Very well,' replied her master, laying aside 'George' with a sigh,
+and wondering what business Bill might have on hand to come at such an
+untimely hour.
+
+In came his friend as unceremoniously as ever, and, sitting himself
+down on the sofa, drew vigorously at his cheroot for a minute or two
+before entering upon the topic that had brought him thither.
+
+'Look here, John,' he exclaimed all at once, 'you're a confidential
+cuss, I guess, and I've got a scheme on hand that will "scoop the
+boodle" if properly carried out; and what I want to know is, whether
+your people will take a hand in it or no. It's a certain thing, and
+will go ahead like a runaway buggy anyway; but the less friction the
+better, so that if your people will grease the wheels a bit, so much
+the better for them and all consarned.'
+
+'Tell me precisely what it is,' replied John cautiously, 'then I may
+be able to offer an opinion; but, of course, I can't say off-hand
+whether the firm will entertain the idea or not.'
+
+'Waal,' replied Bill, 'I guess you're the firm pretty often, for your
+bosses are generally away huntin' or shootin' or foolin' around
+somewhere; anyway, your advice is generally listened to, I guess.
+Waal, to come to business. I'm fixin' up a new store on the most
+modern principles. I sell everything cheaper than anybody else
+anywhere in this little country of yours; any bloomin' thing that's
+asked for, why, it's there, delivered free to any part of the United
+Kingdom. Everybody comes along--Noah's Ark on a wet day ain't in it
+for the pushin' there'll be at our doors once we get opened out--and,
+another thing, everybody gets made into an automatic shareholder; for
+profits have to lie till they reach £5, when each man, woman, and
+child gets a share given them, will they, nill they--and you bet,
+John, they will. I tell you, the thing's fixed up, and is goin' to
+give Old Quay shocks. Why, I'm buyin' up here and there bankrupt
+stocks enough to bust the place with--pianners, hardware, bicycles,
+rose-trees, fam'ly Bibles, rat-traps--every taste will be suited, for
+I tell you cosmopolitanism ain't in it with Bill Coody. I tell you
+I'll be in a position to bust every single bicycle dealer in this
+little one-hoss place; every pianner dealer can shut up shop when I
+get started. Why, there won't be a pitman in Northumberland who hasn't
+got a demi-grand Eureka B. C. piano in his house in another three
+weeks' time, and every colliery village will have its Bayreuth
+Festival with "Canny Dog Cappie" and "Weel may the keel row" tinklin'
+away down each row.'
+
+'But think of the poor shopkeeper!' John interrupted, aghast at this
+slaughter of the innocents.
+
+'Now, John,' expostulated Bill, as one who reproves a child for
+foolishness, 'it's not "first-day," and you ain't "in meeting," so
+stick to business, if _you_ please. Waal, the thing's got to go, as
+I'm sayin', and the only question is, are your people goin' to join in
+or no? If not, I bust their little donkey go-cart of Supply Stores
+which they set up a few years back in South Street "for the mutual
+encouragement of thrift and the supply of the best articles at
+first-hand cost" as the prospectus says, combinin' philanthropy and
+five per cent, plus their commission on floatin' the shop. Now, I know
+how much they have in it, your bosses. J. B. has 10,000 shares, and
+young T. he has 5,000 out of a total of 30,000, so they're the largest
+shareholders in the concern, but Bill Coody has shares in it, too,
+John, he or his nominees. Likely you've noticed the shares have been
+jumpin' up a bit lately and been wonderin' what the jooce was up, eh?'
+
+'Yes,' responded John quietly, endeavouring to conceal any disquietude
+he might feel; 'yes, I've noticed that.'
+
+'Waal, we've got enough to bust their shop up pretty well, and if your
+people don't come into my showyard I'll give their shares away with a
+pound of tea,' and here he pulled out a handful of certificates from
+his trousers' pocket and flourished them in John's face, which was
+gradually growing longer as the other unrolled his arguments.
+
+'But how did you get the necessary capital?' John inquired after a
+pause, professional curiosity piqued at this unexpected revelation of
+means.
+
+'Waal,' replied the American, as he carelessly lit another cheroot,
+expectorating with relish into John's carefully-trimmed fire, 'I'll
+tell you straight out, for I'm one of them that goes straight to the
+point--fibbin' ain't in it with truthfulness, and bluffin's no good
+when the cards are on the table. Waal, I bank with the Old Bank here,
+and decent enough people they are, too, but a trifle slow, so no
+sooner did the Joint Stock Bank open out a new branch in Old Quay than
+in I go, and I says, "Look here, boss, I want £5,000 of the ready, and
+I'll bring you business," I says. Well, the boss rubs his hands in
+butter, and he says, "Sartinly, sartinly, Mr. Coody, we know your name
+well, sir; most happy to oblige, I'm sure, and much obliged if you
+could introduce us to a few of your friends," so after a bit more
+palaver and a deposit of some shares the deal's done. Waal, down the
+street goes Bill Coody, and into the parlour of the Old Bank, and says
+to the partners straight out: "Now, look here, gentlemen, there's no
+beatin' about the bush with me, and no frivolity in matters of
+business, and what I want is £5,000 straight down, which is the figure
+I've just been offered by the new Joint Stock Bank over the way. Now I
+like your style," I says, "and I should be sorry to leave you; but
+sentiment's not my style of doin' business, so there you have it."
+Waal, the old gentleman looked at me over his spectacles, same way as
+you do, John, and under his spectacles also, and offers me a pinch of
+snuff, while he and his partner waggle their heads together in a
+far-off corner of the room. Waal, after a bit more palaver and a
+little "pi" jaw thrown in gratis about the evils of speculatin', and a
+hope that a strange bank will not interfere with mutual friendly
+business relations, that deal's done, and Bill Coody has £10,000 to
+draw upon by feedin'-time that morning.
+
+'Waal, John, I think you'll have the hang of it now, and will be able
+to advise your bosses as to what's best for them and the community,
+too, at large, and I want an answer--a regular business-like
+document--signed, sealed, and delivered, by this time to-morrow night,
+for there's a shipload of my goods in already and lyin' at the quay,
+and I can't let the thing dry-rot while two thickheads worry the
+situation out and try to tinker up a mind between them. So fix it up
+for them, John, yourself. Ta-ta; I must be off. There's a chap waitin'
+for me at the club on business.' And rising as he spoke, he went as
+unceremoniously as he came, leaving a trail of rank tobacco that was
+as penetrating to John's nostrils as his communications had been to
+his intellect.
+
+John lit his pipe again, which had gone out as he listened to Bill's
+scheme, and thought for a while how 'George' would have dealt with the
+situation; how his penetrating intellect would have pierced through
+Bill's armour-plating, and revealed the naked artificer within.
+
+Ah! if 'George' had only been there for five minutes, several of the
+questions that were troubling him might have received instant
+solution. He could not feel certain how far Bill meant business with
+his store. It was not all bluff, of course; but how much of it was
+bluff, how much business, he could not of himself determine.
+
+It might be that he wanted to be bought off at a price, or be offered
+a post upon the directorate, or was merely a 'bull' of the shares.
+However, one thing was certain: there must be no shilly-shallying.
+Either Bill must be squared or he must be defied.
+
+That was the question for him to determine. No doubt, from a strictly
+business point of view, the chief matter to be considered was which of
+the two courses was likely to prove most beneficial to his principals;
+but the thought of the poor shopkeepers was present in John's mind,
+and operated largely in influencing his mind in the direction of
+defiance. There was poor old Mrs. S----, for example, who kept herself
+and two grandchildren on the proceeds of a small florist's business,
+once her son-in-law's. What would happen to her if Bill were to flood
+the town with rose-trees at a shilling the dozen?
+
+To-morrow was Saturday, and Bill demanded an answer by the evening.
+The next day being 'first-day,' he would have to satisfy his
+conscience--that 'still small voice' which, even in the silence of the
+meeting, interrogated him severely on his dealings during the past
+week, and permitted no subterfuge or evasive answer--and it was
+useless to think he could do so by pleading that he was only a
+subordinate, not an official, in this affair of the store. Well, so be
+it. It must be defiance, then--war to the knife--if Bill was in
+earnest; for to offer to put him on the directorate of the supply
+stores would merely mean setting up Bill's store under the old title.
+
+John sat late as he pondered over the situation. Suddenly one of the
+Articles of Association of the stores flamed within the chamber of his
+brain, and a twinkle shone in his eye, as he reflected that it should
+enable him to mate Bill's cleverness at the very outset.
+
+Bill had quoted from the prospectus, but he had evidently overlooked
+the Articles of Association, and John chuckled to himself delightedly
+as he recalled Article 5.
+
+Shortly after seven next morning John might have been observed taking
+the air upon the quay, casting shrewd glances as he passed along. He
+had some suspicions concerning the amount of value of Bill's
+consignment of pianos, family Bibles, etc., and he thought he might
+possibly discover something for himself if he saw what vessels were
+lying at the quay.
+
+There was a green-hulled brigantine from Norway lying alongside, but
+she was full of battens and pit-props; a steam-collier lay next, but
+she must simply be waiting there for stores or sailing orders. A tramp
+came next, apparently from America, by the labels on some of her
+packages that the cranes were already swinging overhead.
+
+This, then, must be Bill's consignment, for there was nothing else in
+the river or at the quay that John could see that could possibly have
+anything on board for Bill or his stores.
+
+As he stood there immersed in thought, a figure appeared on the deck
+above him, and, leaning his arms on the taffrail, regarded the scene
+below him with a gloomy air. 'The skipper,' thought John, as he noted
+his blue broadcloth and peaked cap, and on the spur of a sudden
+inspiration immediately accosted him.
+
+'Fine morning, captain. I happen to have heard a rumour to the effect
+that you were wanting an offer for your cargo. If so, I might possibly
+get you an offer from a friend of mine--at a reasonable figure, of
+course.'
+
+'Waal,' replied the other slowly, 'I guess I'm ready for a deal, as
+the consignees are bust up, and only 25 per cent. of the freight paid
+for; but it's not a knock-out, I tell ye, for I've had a bid already
+for the lot.'
+
+'Was it from a man they call Bill Coody, by any chance?' asked John,
+with a fine carelessness.
+
+'Waal,' replied the skipper, as he turned his quid, 'his name's
+nothin' to me, so long as he has the ready. Mr. Cash is the gent I do
+business with; but if my memory sarves me right, I think Bill Coody
+was the name on his pasteboard.'
+
+'What precisely is the cargo?' queried John. 'Is it dry-store
+goods--organs, pianos, and such like commodities?'
+
+'Ay, that's about what it is--all the sort o' fixin's that make a
+harmonious home for the retired commercial gent--organs, melodeons,
+brick-a-bacs, articles of virtoo and amusement combined; and a fine
+variety of wood goods besides. Waal, if you're for a deal you must be
+sharp about it, for I've to fix up with Mr. Coody by ten o'clock this
+mornin', and I leave again this afternoon, havin' just signed a fresh
+charter party for a cargo of fireclay bricks. So name your figure,
+plank down the cash, and I'm ready to deal.'
+
+'Well, what did Mr. Coody offer you?' asked John pertinently.
+
+'Three hundred pounds in bank notes,' replied the skipper; 'but I'll
+take £400 to clear; and dirt cheap, too, when you think o' what a nest
+o' nightingales your fam'ly and friends will be at ten dollars a
+head.'
+
+'Thank you,' said John, as he moved away; 'I'll just go round and have
+a talk with my friend, and will let you know the result before ten
+o'clock.'
+
+'Right,' replied the captain, cutting himself a fresh plug of tobacco;
+'£400 down, coin o' the realm, before ten, mind ye, and your friend's
+set up for life with a "house beautiful" that Solomon in all his glory
+and Mrs. Sheba couldn't have fixed up better between them.'
+
+'What a curious, profane, hard-featured set of men these Americans
+are!' thought John, as he stepped briskly away in the direction of his
+senior partner's house. 'Why, the mind of that skipper is exactly of
+the same temper as Bill's; his features are as irregular, even his
+voice has the same twanging, nasal habit. However, he means business
+evidently, and I think I can persuade Mr. William to buy up his cargo,
+which will put, I imagine, a pretty stiff spoke in Bill's wheel.'
+
+Within a quarter of an hour John was on Mr. William's doorstep, and
+ten minutes afterwards was explaining the strategical position to the
+senior partner in his dressing-gown. 'Certainly, John,' said Mr.
+William slowly, after listening attentively to John's recital; 'we
+couldn't possibly have Coody on our Board; it wouldn't do at all. Why,
+he's a mere adventurer, and his method of under-cutting, "busting"
+people up, etc., would bring discredit upon our firm and have a bad
+effect upon our business. No, it's quite evident, John, as you say,
+that we can't square him--as to how far he means business, I don't
+know. I incline to think he is bluffing us; but there isn't time to
+find out how much he has up his sleeve; and if we buy up this cargo we
+trump his ace, you think, and can make a profit out of it ourselves at
+the stores after? Well, I daresay you're right, John; and, after all,
+£400 won't ruin us. We buy his cargo, and as he can't "bear" the
+shares, he'll be like a chained dog showing his teeth, but doing no
+damage. Yes, I think it is an excellent idea, John,' Mr. William said
+in conclusion, 'and if you'll wait one minute I'll give you the cheque
+for £400.'
+
+By ten o'clock that morning John had completed his defences; the cargo
+was bought; he held an indemnity against any claims from the skipper
+and owners of the goods in question; he had made an inquiry at the Old
+Bank, and now was sitting down at the office to write a short note
+marked 'private' to Bill, to tell him it was to be 'war to the knife.'
+
+'And I may tell thee, Bill, that thee had better give in with a good
+grace; for, in the first place, thee cannot sell the shares below
+par--_vide_ the Articles of Association, paragraph 10--and, in the
+second, we have bought up thy cargo; and, finally, I feel assured that
+stores managed on thy suggested lines would never bring a blessing
+with them. Thou saidst it was to be "war to the knife," but we hope
+thee will think better of it, for thy sake more than for our own,' and
+with a friendly warning John finished his letter, and despatched it by
+hand to 'William Coody, Esq.'
+
+Late that afternoon, just as John was leaving the office, a letter was
+brought to him in Bill's handwriting. It ran as follows:
+
+     'Ta-ta, John, I'm off, you quaint, cocked-hat old Puritan
+     Precisian; but I couldn't leave without having tried a fall with
+     you first, and, on totting it up, I think Bill Coody's just had a
+     trifle the best of the mêlée. If I'd got on to the stores, I'd
+     have stayed in this derned little one-hoss place, but those
+     all-fired articles[21] upset that cart. I'll allow you that,
+     John; but I have you, my boy, over that little cargo of mine.
+     Why, the whole show was a got-up job, the cargo saw-dust, salvage
+     stocks worth £20 at an outside figure. The skipper, being a pal
+     of mine, lent me his duds, this morning, for I knew you'd be down
+     there sniffing and spectacling about with the morning's sunrise,
+     and I had the show ready for you, John, to walk into, and in you
+     walked like blue blazes. The £400 will about pay for my trouble,
+     and for the premiums on the store shares. Your principals will
+     have to buy the shares back from the banks--they mustn't buy
+     below par, though, John--you remind them of that.
+
+     'I've sold my biz., and am off with my pal, the skipper, this
+     moment. No time to handshake. Ta-ta, John, and bear no malice.
+     Stick to piety and 5 per cent., and don't buy up bankrupt
+     cargoes, and you'll be Lord Mayor of Old Quay before you're
+     finished. So long, your pardner,
+
+                                                'BILL COODY.'
+
+
+FOOTNOTE:
+
+[21] '_Article 5._--No shares shall be dealt in below their face value
+except with the consent of the Board of Directors.'
+
+
+
+
+THE PROTÉGÉ
+
+
+The Vale of the Frolic in the far west of Northumberland had always
+been a favourite retreat of mine. As I trudged the London pavements in
+the dog-days before the Law Courts rose, my heart panted for the green
+hills and the sweet silences of remotest Frolicdale.
+
+The chiefest charm of the vale perhaps for me lay in the fact that it
+was a track untrodden by the tourist, resembling the maid of the
+waters of Dove in this--that it was one which, as yet, there were 'few
+to know, and very few to love.'
+
+It was a pastoral, sheep-raising countryside, inhabited by shepherds
+almost entirely, who were at the same time farmers also, for their
+tenure was something after the métayer order.
+
+There was nothing to mar the quaint and antique flavour of existence.
+The post, like our lifeboat institution, was here supported by
+voluntary contributions. If anyone were 'gannin' up the wattor,' well
+and good; he would take the letters with him. If not, then they were
+left at the schoolmaster's till called for. Newspapers, again, with
+the exception of a weekly _Courant_ or a _Scots Mail_, were, like the
+woodcock, but 'occasional visitors' in that region; and when it is
+added that the house I usually stayed at was situated eighteen miles
+from a terminus of a slow branch line of the North British Railway
+Company, it will be evident that the ordinary tourist had a very poor
+chance of putting in an appearance in that favoured region.
+
+I was recalling all these little details with infinite gusto as I sat
+down at my desk to write to my friend the Presbyterian minister and
+schoolmaster of Fair-Green Haugh, suggesting a visit from myself a
+week ahead.
+
+The answer came just in time for me to pack up and start within the
+week.
+
+'I am sorry to say,' wrote my friend in conclusion, 'that my
+accommodation is somewhat limited this summer, as I have had to give
+up my small sanctum to a protégé of mine, who, though he has just been
+discharged from gaol, will yet, I feel assured, become a highly useful
+and respectable member of society.
+
+'I know your kind heart, my friend,' he continued, 'and feel sure you
+will not regret a temporary lack of comfort in so good a cause. You
+can always use the schoolroom, as it is holiday time, for reading,
+writing and smoking.'
+
+'Heavens!' I murmured to myself, as I took in the monstrous situation;
+'fancy having to spend my vacation trying to improve an infernal
+burglar! He knows my kind heart, he says. Well, it only proves the
+truth of the poet's lines:
+
+    '"Not e'en the dearest heart, and next our own,
+    Knows half the reasons why we smile or cry."
+
+I wonder,' I soliloquized, 'whether he is of the heavy, hang-dog,
+dropped-jaw type--the knifing variety, in brief--or the other
+species--the shifty-eyed, chinless, quick but evil brained sort. On
+the whole, I prefer the first, for if he cannot control his temper, at
+any rate you know where you are with him, whereas with the latter you
+never can tell what he may be up to.'
+
+Anyway, it was exasperating, for here had I been congratulating myself
+upon the sweet security of my proposed retreat, only to discover at
+the last moment that I was destined to become co-warder of a criminal.
+
+However, it was no use making myself miserable before the time, and as
+I was at any rate now free from the choking London atmosphere I could
+revel in the thought of fresh country air, liberty and leisure.
+
+I stayed the night at Heathtown (famous for the church wherein Bernard
+Gilpin, 'the apostle of the north,' stayed the hot Borderers from
+feud), and, drawing the heather-honeyed air deep into my lungs, felt
+my strength so renewed that the thoughts of shifting the
+ticket-of-leave gentleman if he didn't, in North-country phrase, 'keep
+a civil tongue in his heid and behave hissel' respectable,' positively
+inspired me with pleasure.
+
+The postman in his cart was, as it chanced, going up to the little
+village, styled a 'toon,' where the last post and telegraph-office
+this side of Scotland is situated, and insisted upon giving me a
+'cast' so far upon my road.
+
+'No, nowse is changed ava,' he replied, in answer to my query, 'syne
+ye were last here, save belikely that we are aal a year older, an'
+that Farmer Newton's missus was brought tae bed wi' anither bairn a
+month ago last Saterday. Ye'll mind she had her fourth bairn the last
+time ye were here, an' Farmer Newton, he says he'll just hae tae turn
+priest, an' get the Sixstanes livin',[22] an' there, ye ken, the Queen
+sends ye a ten-pound note for every addition tae yor fam'ly; an'
+though there might not be ower muckle profit in it, it wud help tae
+keep the pot a-boiling, says he. But I'm thinkin' mysel',' continued
+my informant reflectively, 'that if Farmer Newton were tae give up
+shootin' an' huntin' sae muckle, an' took a turn at farmin', he'd have
+a less reason for complaining.'
+
+And so we passed the time away, he regaling me with all the domestic
+gossip of the countryside, I interrupting him now and again to point
+out the historical objects of interest on either hand of us; for, like
+all true countrymen, though he knew every stick and stone by the
+wayside, he was entirely ignorant of the past history of his vale.
+
+We were now close on the village where my driver ended his stage, and
+it suddenly occurred to me to inquire, as I thanked him for his
+kindness to myself, if he knew anything of my friend's protégé at the
+Fair Green Haugh.
+
+'Well,' he replied slowly, 'I have heard as hoo he has ta'en up wi' a
+convick or gaol-bord o' that description. Wey, I canna tell. He'd
+muckle better hae getten'd hissel' marrit; an' sartinly we divvn't
+want that sort o' specie up this wattor-side. We hevn't muckle gear
+belike, but we prefer tae keep wor ain. He'll be ain o' the lifting
+kind likelies, the same as thae moss-troopin' fellers ye were crackin'
+on aboot enoo whae divvn't seem ivvor tae hae heard on the fifth
+commandment. Ye'll be weel employed this holiday-time o' yors wi'
+lookin' efter him, I's warn'd. But yo're a lawyer chap,' he continued,
+'an' dootless ye'll find an excuse tae shift him wi'. Put on yor wig,
+an' nae doot but it will tarrify him.'
+
+I thanked the speaker for his advice somewhat ruefully, for his words
+exactly fitted my own presentiment.
+
+Having bade adieu to my postman friend, and arranged for my heavier
+luggage to be sent forward in the next carrier's cart that might be
+going 'up the wattor,' I set out across the hills to The Nook on Fair
+Green Haugh with my knapsack on my back.
+
+Two hours' walking brought me within view of The Nook, and as I paused
+at the top of the brae to drink in the well-beloved aspect of the
+small 'bigging' that sheltered in the green coign between Windy Law
+and Blind Burn side, I noticed the figure of a man carrying a small
+child in his arms.
+
+I knew most of the inhabitants of the vale by sight, but the aspect of
+the individual in question was unknown to me. It was scarcely likely
+he could be a shepherd's extra hand, for the washing and shearing time
+was over, and a tramp in the ordinary sense of the term would have
+been, to quote from the ornithologists, a 'rare and occasional
+visitor.' Besides, he had not the appearance of a tramp; he walked
+with an easy boldness, apparently playing with the child as he
+strolled, for as I drew nearer I could hear the child's voice
+gleefully crying, 'Again, again; do it again, funny man.'
+
+As I drew nearer I looked at the stranger with interest, and noted
+that he was a well-made, active fellow, of good proportions. His face
+was slightly scarred, as though from small-pox, but not unpleasantly;
+it was as if the disease, suddenly repenting of spoiling a bright and
+healthful countenance, had incontinently left him for another victim.
+
+His eyes blue, his teeth, splendidly regular, were clean and white as
+a hound's. Glancing at the child, I discovered her to be Maggie, the
+six-year-old child of Tom Hedley, the herd at Fulhope Law, so I went
+straight up to her and asked for a kiss as usual. 'No,' said the
+diminutive flirt archly, holding her head backwards; 'no kiss for zoo.
+I's got a new man noo,' and forthwith she buried her curls in his
+neck. 'He's a nice funny man,' she continued in another moment,
+peeping forth from her hiding-place, 'an' he's got nae mair hair on
+his heid than oor little puppy-dog at home.'
+
+I glanced at her captor, and noting his cropped crown, jumped to a
+sure conclusion as to his identity. 'Why, 'tis none other,' thought I,
+'than the protégé.' Possibly he read my thoughts; at any rate,
+releasing one arm, he lifted his hand to a salute, smiling, meanwhile,
+in the most affable way in the world. I nodded 'Good afternoon,' and
+learning that the minister was within and waiting my arrival, turned
+my steps to the house.
+
+After our first greetings were over he commenced to apologize again
+for the limited space at my disposal, but he was certain that when
+once I had got to know his 'protégé,' I should think no more about it.
+'He is a beautiful character,' he concluded enthusiastically, 'one
+could tell that at a glance by the way in which children take to him.'
+
+'I met him outside just a moment ago,' I replied, 'and he certainly
+seems to have won little Maggie's heart, but from my recollection of
+her half a dozen "sweeties" would explain that feat. And after all,' I
+continued judicially, 'some of the greatest ruffians that ever lived
+were extremely fond of children. There was Herod, of course, but he
+was the exception that proves the rule.'
+
+'Ah,' sighed my friend, 'that terrible London atmosphere! How it
+cankers the human affections! The theory of the law, I believe, is
+that every man should be considered innocent till he has been proved
+guilty; but you lawyers, reversing this in practice, hold every man
+guilty till he prove his innocence.'
+
+'How about his hair?' I inquired rather unkindly.
+
+'His hair?' my friend queried, with a puzzled expression. 'Oh, I see
+what you mean,' he continued almost immediately, endeavouring to shed
+a _soupçon_ of a smile over his seriously earnest countenance. 'But
+don't notice that, please, or you may make him reckless. For now is
+the critical time,' he added solemnly, with the professional manner of
+a physician making his diagnosis; 'if he gets safely over this his
+cure may be regarded as practically assured.
+
+'The great thing is to believe in a man, to cultivate little by little
+his sense of self-respect; by "believing men to be better than they
+are," one may even, as has been so well said, "make them better than
+they are." In England we have always gone on a wrong principle; we
+worship success, worldly success, far too much, and have scant
+sympathy with the unfortunate. My friend outside says that he stole a
+leg of mutton for his starving daughter. The result is he cannot now
+get a situation, and his daughter has been taken from him, and is now
+in a home. Well, if the man be treated with contumely, he may very
+likely despair and give up all hope of improvement. Treat him well, on
+the other hand, and you may yet turn him into a useful citizen.'
+
+'You put a premium on wrong-doing,' said I, as I shook my head at his
+argument, smiling, however, at the impassioned face before me.
+
+His high, narrow forehead with the ruffled upstanding hair betrayed
+the enthusiast; the broad, refined, and eager lips marked a perennial
+emotion within; his eyes, notwithstanding their wonderful clarity, had
+a far-away look in the depths of them; a spare form, thin wrists, and
+shrunken hands completed the presentation of the idealistic, mystical,
+Don Quixote type of human nature.
+
+While I thus reflected, my friend continued to pour out fresh
+instances proving satisfactorily to any non-prejudiced mind the
+correctness of his theory.
+
+'But what are you going to do with him?' I asked eventually, 'for
+after all that is the important thing. I mean, his being here with you
+may be very nice for him, but it doesn't teach him a trade, and you
+can't afford to keep him, I know, for long.'
+
+'First of all,' eagerly began my friend, 'I propose to keep him long
+enough to re-instate him in his self-respect; secondly, to study his
+temperament and character thoroughly in order to discover what line of
+life he is best suited for, and then to get him some appropriate
+situation. That is the programme, and, I think, a quite practical and
+satisfactory one. There is no "pauperizing" here, you see; it is
+simply giving a man a fair chance. And now,' he continued briskly,
+'come out and inspect the garden.'
+
+The protégé, it appeared, had been making himself useful therein,
+which my friend thought was a highly encouraging sign, 'for,' said he,
+'no bad man ever cared for gardening.'
+
+The next few days I spent contentedly in absolute idleness, now
+strolling up the waterside, now smoking and reading peacefully in the
+little arbour behind the herbaceous border. I had almost forgotten the
+existence of my _bête-noir_; he showed, indeed, a most commendable
+readiness to efface himself as much as possible from observation, and
+when I chanced to pass him he seemed rather to avoid me than to seek
+my company. 'Good-morning,' I would say, if I happened to come out of
+the house before breakfast for a stroll, and find him chopping
+firewood, 'lovely weather, and looks like lasting, I think.'
+
+'Ay,' he would usually reply, with a hurried touch to his cap, 'it's
+canny weather,' then muttering something about being busy, would
+incontinently hurry into the house. I took this as a sign of grace,
+and was quite favourable to the mode of intercourse thus established.
+But my host, I could see, was pained at my apparent lack of interest
+in his protégé; so the next day, finding Blythe engaged in tying up
+the suckers of the honeysuckle to the trellis of the arbour, I went
+boldly up to him, determined to try and draw him out.
+
+'Well, and how do you like the country?' I inquired. 'A pleasant
+change after town life, eh?'
+
+He gave me a quick, suspicious glance in return, then muttering, 'Ay,
+dootless,' again devoted himself to his occupation.
+
+I tried again, but, meeting with no encouragement, became, I am bound
+to confess, a little nettled, as though with an insubordinate witness.
+The happy insouciance I thought to have marked in him at our first
+encounter had vanished, and ''Tis the knifing variety, after all,' I
+murmured to myself, and fell to scrutinizing him somewhat severely.
+There was something about him that somehow seemed familiar to me. I
+determined to probe, and see if he would wince.
+
+'Possibly you don't care about the country?' I suggested smoothly;
+'towns, perhaps, attract you more. York, for example, is a nice town,
+and, by chance, say September 30 for a little business in the
+vicinity, eh?'
+
+He looked me full in the face at this, a very ugly smile curving his
+lips, as he replied abruptly, 'What is it you're wanting?'
+
+'I don't know that I want anything for myself,' said I, somewhat
+elated at the success of my conjecture, 'but I should like fair play
+for my friend inside. Pheasants are scarce hereabouts, but possibly
+other things might come in useful. I needn't specify,' I continued
+airily, 'to a gentleman of your intelligence; 'twould be superfluous.'
+
+For reply he made a bound at me, head down, and both fists
+outstretched. It was as the rush of the bull for the matador's flag,
+and my bound aside just saved me from his charge, though his right
+fist touched me on the chest and sent me staggering backward.
+
+He turned, and came again; this time I had more space for manoeuvre,
+and the memory of an old fencing trick, learned in Angelo's school of
+arms, swift as a flashlight, lit within my brain. I leant forward as
+though to meet him like a boxer, then, as he rushed upon me, turned
+quickly sideways, fencing fashion, and slipped half a foot backward.
+He missed me by a hand's breadth; a reek of tobacco touched me hotly
+on the cheek; another moment and I had leapt forward on a late 'time
+thrust,' and caught my antagonist neatly just behind the ear. I had
+been unable to put any strength into the blow, but it proved to be
+enough to upset his poise. He staggered, stooped, and then fell
+headlong on the path, scarce having time to break his fall with hand
+or arm.
+
+He lay there for a moment or two, apparently half-dazed; then, slowly
+picking himself up, leant back with folded arms against an apple-tree,
+and surveyed me with a sort of sulky resignation.
+
+'Well, you've got the better o' me again,' said he; 'you've the luck
+on your side, nae doot. "Bing lay your shero,"' I overheard him mutter
+to himself under his breath, which, taken in conjunction with his
+name, amply sufficed to confirm my conjecture of his gipsy origin.
+'What is 't ye want wi' me?' he continued, in a louder voice.
+
+'As I said before,' I replied slowly, seating myself upon a wooden
+bench in front of the arbour, 'I only require fair play for my friend
+within. A man of the world like yourself can easily deceive him, even
+to the half of his kingdom; and if he has a fancy to cure the leopard
+of his spots or whitewash the Ethiopian--or perhaps I might say the
+"Egyptian" rather--I would like the process to be as inexpensive as
+possible to him--you understand?' I queried of my opposite, smiling as
+I spoke; for I had the whip-hand of him undoubtedly, and to be
+unpleasant politely is part of the lawyer's art.
+
+'To put the matter more clearly still,' I continued, for he had made
+no response to my suggestion, 'I think a week of fresh air and quiet
+seclusion in the country should be enough for any man of active habits
+after a period of enforced leisure; the hair, moreover, grows quickly
+in a country retreat, as Joshua's messengers found of old, and,
+briefly, what I would advise is a moonlight flitting.'
+
+Pleased with the brevity of my peroration, I took my cigarette-case
+from my pocket, and, having selected a cigarette, carefully proceeded
+to light it with the utmost deliberation.
+
+I had taken my eyes off him for the moment, partly in order to
+ascertain if the cigarette were properly alight, partly to perfect the
+illusion of _sang froid_; and dearly I paid for my rashness, for with
+a bound he was upon me.
+
+I ducked; but it was too late, and over I went backward, my enemy
+a-top of me, crash through the arbour on to the stone flagging within.
+
+I was stunned, I suppose, for a minute or so, for I lay there
+wondering what had happened, and annoyed that a wasp, as I thought,
+should have stung me in the neck. In another moment I had discovered
+that the smart was due to a bit of live cigarette-ash that had chanced
+to drop inside my collar in my fall, and I tried to put up a hand to
+remove it. To my disgust, I found my hands were knotted tightly
+together; my legs, too, were bound, and, as I turned my head, my eyes
+met those of my enemy, sitting beside me on a low stool.
+
+'The gadgi' (viz., 'gorgio,' or man of non-gipsy race) 'is but a fool
+in his pride and self-conceit,' said he; 'he is but a tortoise, for
+all his pushkin's (hare) gallop at the start.'
+
+This was what I heard him saying as I recovered consciousness, and as
+I knew that gipsies always hide their origin, and refrain from their
+language in the presence of the 'gorgios,' I felt certain he must be
+labouring under great excitement, and momentarily expected to see him
+out with his knife and finish me there and then. Here he stooped, and
+I thought my hour had come, but apparently it was only to pick up my
+fallen cigarette. Pinching off the blackened end, he put it between
+his lips, and, lighting it at the other end, drew in deep breaths of
+tobacco-smoke.
+
+'I don't wonder you enjoy it,' said I, as I watched his proceedings
+with an intense annoyance; 'successful theft is pleasant to a tchor
+(thief), I presume?'
+
+'And who's the tchor in the end,' retorted he--'you or me? Speak,
+little gutterwhelp from the toon, that art paid to lie at so many bars
+(sovereigns) the lie. Your kind take a man's money, plead so ill that
+at the finish the "stande" (gaol) has him, while the big thief's left
+behind in court wi' a white wig on, an' a smile on his ugly moi
+(mouth). Who's the tchor, then?' he repeated with a leer, as he blew a
+cloud of smoke in the air. 'I 'low ye got me nabbed at York 'Sizes,
+but it wesn't yor doin', 'twas that dirty Jack Spraggon, who turned
+informer an' legged me that time. Why, ye pink-eyed toon's-spawn, if
+I'd my rights, an' things were as they aince was, I'd hang ye tae the
+nearest tree. Look there,' he cried, as, stirring me with his foot, he
+drew up his coat-sleeve and thrust a tattoed wrist over my eyes--'look
+there, d'ye ken what that is?'
+
+I gazed with interest, for it was evidently an heraldic coat,
+excellently well punctured in his flesh.
+
+'A lion rampant within a tressure fleury counter fleury, by Jove!
+debruised by a bar sinister,' I murmured aloud.
+
+My thoughts went back at a bound to memories of the 'Gaberlunzie Man'
+of the ballad, the errant James V., and 'ane louit Johnnie Faa, Lord
+and Earl of Little Egypt,' but all I said was, 'Still, people don't
+boast of an illegitimate origin nowadays.'
+
+'Illegitimate!' he cried angrily; 'I'll teach ye manners, ye ----' but
+here a step sounded on the path outside, and in another moment my host
+peered in at the doorway.
+
+'Tut--tut--tut,' said my friend, removing his glasses from his nose in
+his agitation, 'dear, dear! what can have happened? Speak, Ned;
+explain, Will.'
+
+My adversary rose to his feet, saluted our interrogator somewhat
+shamefacedly, and, pointing to myself, replied, 'He wes sae impiddent
+wi' me I'd just tae teach him a lesson, but nae harm's done.'
+
+'Oh,' cried my little friend, and he positively wrung his hands in his
+distress, 'but you shouldn't,' and here he looked at us reproachfully
+in turn. Then a happy thought seemed to rise in his brain. 'We must
+forget all about this unhappy occurrence,' cried he; 'we will not
+inquire into it, but will shake hands all round, and begin afresh.'
+
+So saying he immediately knelt down, undid my bandages, and helped me
+to rise from the floor. 'Now,' he cried, and seized hold of our
+respective hands.
+
+'Well,' said my antagonist, 'I bear no malice, but keep yor tongue a
+bit civiler i' future.'
+
+'And refrain from pheasants and legs of mutton,' I nearly retorted,
+but stayed my tongue in time, and the three of us shook hands promptly
+all round, as desired. I was willing enough to shake hands because I
+felt I had been in error in taunting my antagonist, but I was not
+prepared for the reproof my host had in store for me, as he put his
+arm through mine, and led me away for a stroll up the brae.
+
+'Oh, how could you do it?' he said. 'You must have stung him beyond
+endurance, and you promised, you remember, to respect him.'
+
+'I only told him the truth,' I replied sulkily. 'As a matter of fact,
+I recognised in him the first individual I ever had the pleasure of
+getting convicted--at York Assizes--pheasant-poaching, stoning a
+keeper, etc. One's first conviction is like one's first love--one
+can't forget it.'
+
+'Ah, but if it is so, that is just an incident in that past career of
+his which is quite dead and buried now; you see yourself how annoyed
+he was at your bringing it up against him. Of course, his conduct was
+inexcusable,' he hastily added, suddenly remembering doubtless that he
+was my host, 'but this vigour of resentment proves to my mind the
+genuineness of his repentance.'
+
+It was hopeless to argue, so I turned the subject, inwardly resolving
+that I would leave on the morrow.
+
+After supper that evening I went outside to smoke, and there lingered
+long, enjoying the soft, luminous northern twilight.
+
+The murmur of the stream in the valley trembled amidst the silence of
+the night, as of some old monk telling his beads in the solitude of a
+vast cathedral. Suddenly a discordant singing sounded down the vale.
+'Some roysterer,' thought I with disgust. 'I suppose there must have
+been a wedding or some festivity of that sort.'
+
+The sounds rose and fell fitfully, but grew gradually louder. It was
+evident someone was coming 'up the wattor,' and I waited to see who
+the disturber of our quiet could be.
+
+The last corner had apparently been turned, for now I could hear the
+voice distinctly. 'The protégé again, by Jove!' I groaned.
+
+I meditated instant flight, but a fit of laughter caught me, and I
+stayed. Out of the gray twilight a toper lurched up to the gate on
+which I leant, and, steadying himself, momentarily peered into my
+face.
+
+'No malish, little Wool-shack, eh?' quoth he with a grin. Then,
+becoming confidential, he leant forward and whispered, 'Drink ye for a
+"bar," turn an' turn about,' producing as he spoke a most
+suspicious-looking black bottle.
+
+'Look here,' said I, 'why did you come to this place?'
+
+'It's a free-sh country,' replied my opposite solemnly, 'an'
+wanderin's my trade, an' the wee big bairn upstairs, he's ta'en a sort
+o' woman's fancy for us. Noo, Wull Blythe's like his ancient forbears,
+royal Wull Faa, an' the lave, an' he cannot say nae to a woman, though
+he'll ne'er tak' a look frae a man.'
+
+'Well, good-night,' I said, 'and don't wake the big bairn upstairs.'
+
+It was some time before I finished packing, and after that was done I
+sat down and had another pipe by the window. I was just dozing off
+when a smell of burning seemed to creep in upon my nostrils, and the
+atmosphere grew thicker to my sub-consciousness.
+
+'It can't be anything,' I murmured inwardly, and tried to recede still
+further into the dark grove of sleep, but a step outside my door
+effectually roused me.
+
+A light gleamed upon me. 'Come, my friend, come quick; I fear the
+house is on fire,' cried my host at the doorway; 'throw on a coat, wet
+your blankets, and follow me upstairs at once with them.'
+
+I rushed upstairs headlong some few seconds after, and stumbled over a
+prostrate form on the small garret landing, a reek of whisky giving me
+assurance of its identity. I rose hastily, and passed into the room
+beyond, where, amidst heavy smoke-wreaths, I perceived my host, now
+beating burning bedding with his hands, and again stamping with his
+feet upon smouldering coverings on the floor.
+
+I did my best to help him, and we succeeded shortly in getting the
+better of the conflagration. After emptying buckets of water over bed
+and bedding, we waited for some minutes to ascertain if any hidden
+fire lingered anywhere.
+
+'I think it will be all right now,' said my host; 'but come, we must
+look after my poor friend outside--I fear he is badly burned. Poor
+fellow, he was lying in bed stupefied with the smoke. I suppose he
+must have fallen asleep reading, and the candle must have set fire
+somehow to the bed-clothes or curtain.'
+
+He had scarcely finished speaking when he swayed suddenly, and before
+I could reach out an arm, had fallen to the ground in a dead faint. I
+lifted him up and carried him downstairs at once, and found that he
+was rather severely burnt about the hands.
+
+After I had restored him to consciousness as best I could and dressed
+his hurts, I proceeded, at my friend's earnest entreaty, to look after
+the protégé, who was still lying prostrate on the garret landing;
+absolutely unconscious and hopelessly intoxicated.
+
+He was badly burnt on one arm, and scorched down one side of his body.
+Appearances seemed to show that he must have thrown off the
+counterpane and blankets on to the floor, that there they must have
+become ignited either from his fallen pipe or candle, and eventually
+have set fire to one side of the bed.
+
+The doctor had to be sent for, and for a week the protégé was kept in
+bed; when he did come down again he was as contrite as possible, and I
+carefully avoided all mention of the disaster, for I had a dim feeling
+of guilt in the matter, suspecting that he went down the valley that
+evening to the alehouse in consequence of his excitement at his
+triumph over myself.
+
+Now that he was about again, and my friend too was quite restored, I
+determined to depart, and the next morning went down early to the
+Frolic to enjoy a last bathe.
+
+I was sitting on a shelf of rock above a deep pool, drying myself
+slowly after my swim, when I heard sounds below me. Looking out from
+my shelter, I saw Blythe, who appeared to be about to follow my
+example. His procedure, however, was curious; for first he cast his
+cap upon the waters, then carefully deposited what looked to me like a
+Bible on his coat on the bank, and, finally, having looked about him
+stealthily, took off his shoes and proceeded to ford the burn.
+
+'He's off,' I thought to myself, then cried to him, 'Holloa! what's
+up?'
+
+He stood stock-still in mid-stream like one petrified, then,
+perceiving me, waded slowly to shore.
+
+'Noo, don't ye blab tae Mistor Rutherford,' he said, as he came close
+up underneath where I was standing. 'I's awa aff. I cannot stay, but I
+doot the little man will be sair troubled aboot it, sae let him think
+on as that I'm drooned, wi' the Bible there tae show I's a convarted
+character, for he's been one tae many for Blythe, an' I wud'na like
+him tae grieve ower my disappointing him. I cam' for a bit fun, but
+it's turning tae seriousness noo, an' I can't bide any mair, that's a
+sartinty.'
+
+I don't know whether I acted wrongly or not, but I fell in with his
+view of the situation, and when I had finished my dressing he had
+already stolen out of sight.
+
+I stayed on another week after this, and during that time successfully
+concealed my connivance at the protégé's flight.
+
+The discovery of his cap and coat was considered proof of his having
+been drowned, and the Bible, borrowed from himself for the occasion,
+provided at once a consolation for my friend and a rebuke to my
+scepticism.
+
+I spent a night in Oldcastle on my way back to town, and chance took
+me through one of the most thickly populated, though not most
+aristocratic, quarters of the city. It was a fine night, and I had
+prolonged my stroll unconsciously. Suddenly the swing-door of a
+public-house was thrown back violently, and a man came hurtling
+through, and fell with a thud on the pavement beside me; a face peered
+through the aperture of the doors for a moment, and in a flash I
+recognised it.
+
+The gentleman who had been thus ignominiously 'chucked out' slowly
+pulled himself together, collected his faculties and his hat with
+difficulty, uttered some violent and abusive epithets, then slowly
+staggered off down the street with drunken dignity.
+
+I went inside the aforesaid doors. My eyes had not deceived me, for
+there was the protégé behind the counter in his new capacity of barman
+and 'chucker out.' He signed to me to follow him into the 'snug,' and
+there confided to me that he had got a permanent job for the first
+time in his life.
+
+'Here,' said he, 'is a bar' (sovereign); 'send it along tae Mister
+Rutherford, an' tell him I's alive an' hearty, an' that I canna rest
+till I's paid for the blankets an' beddin' I burnt the other week.
+Mind,' says he, 'ye're not tae say where I am, but tell him I've a
+situation, an's givin' satisfaction.'
+
+'Well,' thought I to myself, as I returned to my hotel, 'if my friend
+hasn't reformed the protégé, he has come at all events as near to
+success as is good for the ordinary mortal.'
+
+
+FOOTNOTE:
+
+[22] The author understands that this is the case in regard to some of
+the livings in the gift of Greenwich Hospital.
+
+
+
+
+THE SPANISH DOUBLOON
+
+
+Ransacking Jake's treasury one afternoon, I made an unexpected
+find--no less than a Spanish doubloon hidden away in an old sporran of
+a great-uncle of his.
+
+The history of the fox-marked rapier, of the blood-stained tress of
+hair found at Cawnpore, and of the yellow robe of the Brahmin, I knew
+already; but the heavy Spanish coin suggested something of a different
+order.
+
+'Come,' said I, holding it up so as to attract his attention, 'tell me
+the tale connected with this--something to do with a pirate, or the
+Spanish Main, I dare swear.'
+
+Jake smiled quaintly as he fingered the coin with deliberation. 'Weel,
+it's a queer tale, sartinly, that's connected wi' yon coin, but all I
+can tell ye is what my aunt telled me langsyne, when she presented it
+to me on my joining the sarvice, just before I left for India.
+
+'Noo, my aunt, ye mun ken, was a widow woman who lived on a bit
+property she had left her doon at the small, ootlandish-named seaport,
+as it was then, o' Bocca Chica, on the Northumberland coast.
+
+'There was a man there she kenned nicely--in fact, she aye said
+afterwards, wi' a shudder at the thocht o't, that at one time he
+wanted to marry wi' her--who cut a big figure i' the place, by name
+Isaac Stephenson--"Black Isaac," as he was mair usually styled. It
+seems he had been bred and born i' the place, but had run awa to sea
+i' his youth, an' after many voyagings here an' there turns up again
+wi' pockets fu' o' siller, and a wee, misbegotten heathen dwarf o' a
+Malay as his attendant.
+
+'The dwarf called hissel' Chilpo, or some such uncanny name, an' was a
+kind o' body-servant an' clerk an' dirty-job man to Isaac. But Isaac
+never let on where he picked him up, an' Chilpo was a sour-tempered
+little deil, whom maist folks were terrified o'; sae naebody e'er
+kenned muckle o' his antecedents or ancestry.
+
+'Weel, Isaac, on his settling doon again at home, set up i' business
+as a shipowner an' broker, an' carried on a large business as an
+exporter o' coals, an' did a bit, as maist everybody did i' those
+days, i' the smuggling line--salt, an' lace, an' brandy, ye ken. He
+had siller, as I said, when he started his new trade, though naebody
+kenned hoo he had come by it; but it was no lang before he was the
+richest man i' the toon, an' folk began to talk weel o' him, an'
+praise him up as a good citizen as was a credit to the toon, an' ask
+him to open bazaars for them, an' suchlike.
+
+'There was just one strange thing aboot him, an' that was that the
+womenfolk couldn't abide him. E'en after he had made hisself the
+richest man i' the toon, he could ne'er get hissel' married, though
+'twas said my aunt, when he took up wi' religion, had aince had a
+thocht o' him, but no for lang, for there was suthin' aboot him that
+tarrified her when it came near the point.
+
+'He was no ill-favoured neither, for I mind seein' him mysel' as a lad
+aince I was stayin' wi' my aunt--a tall, poo'erfu', black-haired man,
+wi' heavy eyebrows, an' a lustfu' sort o' eye--half hectorin', half
+cowardly. But he had a cruel sort o' look aboot him--thick-lipped, an'
+greedy, sweaty sort o' hands.
+
+'Weel, after a good few years o' prosperity he turned sort o'
+sickly-like, an' for the first time i' his life began to think upon
+his latter end, an' at the finish takes up wi' a sect o' Bible
+Christians, or Christadelphians, or some such body, who were glad to
+get hold o' such a rich, influential sort o' person withoot askin'
+ower mony questions.
+
+'Weel, he gans to his chapel, an' he prays, an' he gies his testimony,
+an' calls hissel' all sorts o' names, but was ay cautious no to gie
+ower mony details o' his sins, an' the good folk were highly edified
+by it, my aunt amangst them, an' asked him for subscriptions for every
+sort o' charity.
+
+'But Chilpo, he couldna stand this sudden right-about-face, for there
+was nae releegion at aal i' his wee, misshapen anatomy, naething but
+love o' siller, and beastly, secretive pleasures o' opium drams an'
+such like. An' he mutinies against it, an' cusses an' swears to
+hissel' i' his pigeon-English talk, for Isaac by degrees began to hae
+his doots aboot the lawfu'ness o' smugglin' an' saeforth, an' Chilpo's
+wages an' profits dootless wud suffer by his maister's scruples.
+
+'Consequence was, there grew to be bad blood betwixt maister an' man,
+an' folk could hear them quarrelling inside the office o' nights, till
+at the finish there's a grand flare-up, Isaac seemingly strikin'
+Chilpo, an' Chilpo clickin' his maister wi' his knife.
+
+'Chilpo gets the bag for that, Isaac no daurin' to prosecute him, for
+he kenned ower muckle. But he disna leave the toon; just hangs aboot,
+doggin' Isaac's footsteps, an' cussin' to hissel' i' his queer,
+ootlandish way o' talk. "Him coward," he would mutter, "but Chilpo
+brave man. He no take no blowee. Chilpo hang Isaac--hang himselfee--no
+matter--Chilpo fear nozzin'," an' he would gnash wi' his white teeth
+savagely like a mad dog as he saw Isaac pass along the street.
+
+'His heart was just as black as his sweaty, black phiznommy, an' he
+properly haunted Isaac till he fair plagued him to death.
+
+'One Sabbath, when there was a great function on at Isaac's chapel, he
+actually follows him in, an' sat sneerin' an' mimickin' an' makin'
+game o' Isaac as he prayed an' groaned, an' confessed to bein' a
+muckle great sinner i' the past, till Isaac was near mad wi' rage an'
+terror. He tried to pray, but the words wouldn't come richt, an' the
+sweat poured aff his brow, they said, till folk thought he was about
+to hae a fit or seizure o' some sort.
+
+'At the finish he gies it up, an', staggerin' on to his feet, points
+i' a frenzied sort o' way to Chilpo sittin' there below him, an' cries
+oot loud: "It's the deil, it's the deil! Drive him awa; drive him oot
+o' the holy place! I tell ye he's sin hissel'. See the sooty face on
+him!"
+
+'"Ugh! Black Isaac, him coward!" shouts Chilpo, standin' up on his
+seat. "Him sky-pilot nowee, no goodee any more. Once a timee
+diffelent; good pilate once, grand pilate with Chilpo; men's pilate,
+women's pilates, temple's pilates, all sorts pilates. Oh yez; huzza!
+Dam good timee then; ping-pang, click-click, plenty moneys, plenty
+grogs, plenty funee. O yez; Chilpo, he knowee." The little heathen
+chuckled to himself, makin' uncanny motions wi' his hands o'
+throat-cuttin' an' liquor-drinkin' an' fillin' his pockets wi' siller.
+
+'"Him hipple-clite nowee," continued Chilpo, shoutin' aloud to all the
+chapel-folks who hadn't recovered theirsels from their amazement; "dam
+hipple-clite! Why, him worship the debbil like Chilpo former timee.
+Him no use for prayee; him dam-ee, curs-ee; him Church's pilate,
+women's pilate, then burnee together. Oh yes, him lemember allight;
+askee him," an' wi' that he points his finger at Isaac, whose face was
+workin' in a frightful fashion, his eyes starin' this way an' that,
+wi' no meanin' i' them, his lips black, an' his mouth slobberin'; then
+sudden he starts to run, but catches his foot an' falls full length
+doon on the floor an' drums wi' his hands amangst the cushions.
+
+'There was a panic at that; half o' the women faints dead awa, the
+bairns scream, and some o' the men drives Chilpo, still chucklin' to
+himself, oot at the door wi' blows, whilst others attend to Isaac
+lyin' wi' his head covered i' the dusty cushions an' his hands hard
+a-grip o' the seat-stanchions.
+
+'They loosens his grasp wi' difficulty, but lifts him up at the finish
+wi' a shockin' face on him, an' a senseless tongue that babbled aboot
+a parrot. Some said it mun ha' been i' reference someway to some
+wicked episode i' his past life which Chilpo kenned o' an' alluded to
+i' the chapel. Maybe a parrot had been left the sole survivor after a
+sack, ye ken, an' Isaac couldna forget the scene. Anyways, Chilpo, the
+dam cunnin' little de'il, kenned o' the hidden sore i' Isaac's mind,
+an' laid a cruel finger on 't wi' the blackest malice. An' there was
+nae doot aboot the outcome o't, for Isaac was gone clean daft, an'
+died not long afterwards i' the asylum.
+
+'Weel, they gied him a big buryin', for his brethren i' the chapel
+said they believed he was a true repentant sinner, an' forbye that he
+had left a good bit siller amangst them, which would dootless assist
+them to that conclusion; an' as there had been some body-snatchin'
+lately, they determined to form a small watch committee to keep guard
+at the graveside for a night or two.
+
+'Weel, the watch was composed o' some decent elderly folk, who didn't
+trash theirselves ower the job; an' mevvies the funeral festivities
+had delayed them a bit, for they didn't arrive at the graveyard till
+aboot half-past ten o' the clock.
+
+'It was ane o' thae tempestuous October nights, wi' half a gale
+blowin', an' clouds gallopin', wi' flittin's o' moonlight like jockeys
+ridin' 'em; an' when they came nigh to the graveside, an' saw a dark,
+misshapen sort o' a figure plyin' an axe vigorously, an' heard a thud,
+thud, same as ye may when passin' by a butcher's shop any day, why,
+they turned tail and fled, the most o' them stumblin' this way an'
+that amangst the headstones.
+
+'Two o' them, though, was a bit bolder, an' pressed on up to the
+graveside, whereupon the little black demon figure thuds doon his axe
+wi' a sickenin' sound, then dives awa into the darkness, screechin'
+oot: "Chilpo, Chilpo! he makee sicker, he makee sicker!" and therewith
+vanished frae Bocca Chica.
+
+'As for the doubloon,' concluded Jake, spinning it into the air as he
+spoke, 'it was found amangst some leavin's o' Chilpo's at his
+lodgin's, an' sold wi' some other trinkets to pay some small debts he
+had left behind him.
+
+'My aunt bought it up as a memento o' the marcifu' preservation she
+had had frae marryin' wi' a buccaneer; an' when I said good-bye to her
+on startin' for India, she presented it to me, wi' an admonition ne'er
+to have any traffic wi' dwarfs or pirates.'
+
+
+THE END
+
+
+
+
+PRINTED BY
+
+BILLING AND SONS, GUILDFORD
+
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE
+
+Italic text is denoted by _underscores_.
+
+Obvious punctuation and spelling errors repaired. Punctuation and
+spelling standardized when a predominant preference was found in this
+book. Other possible errors retained.
+
+Page 43, "the many" changed to "them any" (he'd never have hearkened
+to them any more).
+
+Page 164, "Georgie" changed to "Geordie" (responded Geordie
+gratefully).
+
+Inconsistent hyphenation was retained. When uncertain of the author's
+spelling of words split across lines, hyphen was retained in such
+words as "chimney-piece", "god-child", "cock-sure", "well-made". Words
+"lampshade", "mantelpiece", "grandchildren", also split across lines
+in the original, are not hyphenated in this text.
+
+"GEORDIE ARMSTRONG, 'THE JESU-YTE'" tale starts with subheading I,
+which suggests that the tale has several parts. However, there are no
+other numbered subheadings in this chapter.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Tales of Northumbria, by Howard Pease
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 41795 ***