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diff --git a/41736-0.txt b/41736-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cacb74b --- /dev/null +++ b/41736-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,8003 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 41736 *** + + THE + + GIRL OF THE PERIOD + + ETC. + + + VOL. II. + + [REPRINTED, _by permission, from the_ SATURDAY REVIEW] + + + + + THE + + GIRL OF THE PERIOD + + + AND OTHER + + Social Essays + + + BY + + E. LYNN LINTON + + AUTHOR OF 'THE ATONEMENT OF LEAM DUNDAS' 'UNDER WHICH LORD?' + 'THE REBEL OF THE FAMILY' 'IONE' ETC. + + + IN TWO VOLUMES + + VOL. II. + +[Illustration:] + + LONDON + RICHARD BENTLEY & SON, NEW BURLINGTON STREET + Publishers in Ordinary to Her Majesty the Queen + 1883 + + [_All rights reserved_] + + + + + LONDON: PRINTED BY + SPOTTISWOODE AND CO., NEW-STREET SQUARE + AND PARLIAMENT STREET + + + + +CONTENTS OF THE SECOND VOLUME. + + + PAGE + GUSHING MEN 1 + + SWEET SEVENTEEN 9 + + THE HABIT OF FEAR 19 + + OLD LADIES 28 + + VOICES 37 + + BURNT FINGERS 46 + + DÉSOEUVREMENT 55 + + THE SHRIEKING SISTERHOOD 64 + + OTHERWISE-MINDED 72 + + LIMP PEOPLE 82 + + THE ART OF RETICENCE 91 + + MEN'S FAVOURITES 100 + + WOMANLINESS 109 + + SOMETHING TO WORRY 119 + + SWEETS OF MARRIED LIFE 127 + + SOCIAL NOMADS 136 + + GREAT GIRLS 145 + + SHUNTED DOWAGERS 155 + + PRIVILEGED PERSONS 164 + + MODERN MAN-HATERS 173 + + VAGUE PEOPLE 181 + + ARCADIA 190 + + STRANGERS AT CHURCH 199 + + IN SICKNESS 208 + + ON A VISIT 217 + + DRAWING-ROOM EPIPHYTES 227 + + THE EPICENE SEX 235 + + WOMEN'S MEN 243 + + HOTEL LIFE IN ENGLAND 252 + + OUR MASKS 261 + + HEROES AT HOME 268 + + SEINE-FISHING 276 + + THE DISCONTENTED WOMAN 285 + + ENGLISH CLERGYMEN IN + FOREIGN WATERING-PLACES 293 + + OLD FRIENDS 302 + + POPULAR WOMEN 310 + + CHOOSING OR FINDING 319 + + LOCAL FÊTES 327 + + + + +ESSAYS + +UPON + +SOCIAL SUBJECTS. + + + + +_GUSHING MEN._ + + +The picture of a gushing creature all heart and no brains, all impulse +and no ballast, is familiar to most of us; and we know her, either by +repute or by personal acquaintance, as well as we know our alphabet. +But we are not so familiar with the idea of the gushing man. Yet +gushing men exist, if not in such numbers as their sisters, still in +quite sufficient force to constitute a distinct type. The gushing man +is the furthest possible removed from the ordinary manly ideal, as +women create it out of their own imaginations. Women like to picture +men as inexorably just, yet tender; calm, grave, restrained, yet full +of passion well mastered; Greathearts with an eye cast Mercywards if +you will, else unapproachable by all the world; Goethes with one weak +corner left for Bettina, where love may queen it over wisdom, but in +all save love strong as Titans, powerful as gods, unchangeable as +fate. They forgive anything in a man who is manly according to their +own pattern and ideas. Even harshness amounting to brutality is +condoned if the hero have a jaw of sufficient squareness, and mighty +passions just within the limits of control--as witness _Jane Eyre's_ +Rochester and his long line of unpleasant followers. But this +harshness must be accompanied by love. Like the Russian wife who wept +for want of her customary thrashing, taking immunity from the stick to +mean indifference, these women would rather have brutality with love +than no love at all. + +But a gushing man, as judged by men among men, is a being so foreign +to the womanly ideal that very few understand him when they do see +him. And they do not call him gushing. He is frank, enthusiastic, +unworldly, aspiring; perhaps he is labelled with that word of power, +'high-souled;' but he is not gushing, save when spoken of by men who +despise him. For men have an intense contempt for him. A woman who has +no ballast, and whose self-restraint goes to the winds on every +occasion, is accepted for what she is worth, and but little +disappointment and less annoyance is felt for what is wanting. Indeed, +men in general expect so little from women that their follies count as +of course and only what might be looked for. They are like marriage, +or the English climate, or a lottery ticket, or a dark horse heavily +backed, and have to be taken for better or worse as they may turn out, +with the violent probability that the chances are all on the side of +the worse. + +But the gushing man is inexcusable. He is a nuisance or a +laughing-stock; and as either he is resented. In his club, at the +mess-table, in the city, at home, wherever he may be and whatever he +may be about, he is always plunging headlong into difficulties and +dragging his friends with him; always quarrelling for a straw; putting +himself grossly in the wrong and vehemently apologizing afterwards; +hitting wild at one moment and down on his knees the next, and as +absurd in the one attitude as he is abject in the other. He falls in +love at first sight and makes a fool of himself on unknown ground +while with men he is ready to swear eternal friendship or undying +enmity before he has had time to know anything whatever about the +object of his regard or his dislike. In consequence he is being +perpetually associated with shaky names and brought into questionable +positions. He is full of confidence in himself on every occasion, and +is given to making the most positive assertions on things he knows +nothing about; when afterwards he is obliged to retract and to own +himself mistaken. But he is just as full of self-abasement when, like +vaulting ambition, he has overleaped himself and fallen into mistakes +and failures unawares. He makes rash bets about things of which he has +the best information; so he says; and will not be staved off by those +who know what folly he is committing, but insists on writing himself +down after Dogberry at the cost of just so much. He backs the worst +player at billiards on the strength of a chance hazard, and bets on +the losing hand at whist. He goes into wild speculations in the city, +where he is certain to land a pot of money according to his own +account and whence he comes with empty pockets, as you foretold and +warned. He takes up with all manner of doubtful schemes and yet more +doubtful promoters; but he will not be advised. Is he not gushing? and +does not the quality of gushingness include an Arcadian belief in the +virtue of all the world? + +The gushing man is the very pabulum of sharks and sharpers; and it is +he whose impressibility and gullible good-nature supply wind for the +sails of half the rotten schemes afloat. Full of faith in his fellows, +and of belief in a brilliant future to be had by good luck and not by +hard work, he cannot bring himself to doubt either men or measures; +unless indeed his gushingness takes the form of suspicion, and then he +goes about delivering himself of accusations not one of which he can +substantiate by the weakest bulwark of fact, and doubting the +soundness of investments as safe as the Three per Cents. + +In manner the gushing man is familiar and caressing. He may be +patronizing or playful according to the bent of his own nature. If the +first, he will call his superior, My dear boy, and pat him on the back +encouragingly; if the second, he will put his arm schoolboy fashion +round the neck of any man of note who has the misfortune of his +intimacy, and call him Old fellow, or Governor, or _rex meus_, as he +is inclined. With women his familiarity is excessively offensive. He +gives them pet names, or calls to them by their Christian names from one +end of the room to the other, and pats and paws them in all fraternal +affectionateness, after about the same length of acquaintanceship +as would bring other men from the bowing stage to that of shaking +hands. His manners throughout are enough to compromise the toughest +reputation; and one of the worst misfortunes that can befall a +woman whose circumstances lay her specially open to slander and +misrepresentation is to include among her friends a gushing man of +energetic tendencies, on the look-out to do her a good turn if he can, +and anxious to let people see on what familiar terms he stands with +her. He means nothing in the least degree improper when he puts his +arm round her waist, calls her My dear and even Darling in a loud +voice for all the world to hear; or when he seats himself at her table +before folk to write her private messages, which he makes believe to +be of so much importance that they must not be spoken aloud, and which +are of no importance at all. He is only familiar and gushing; and he +would be the first to cry out against the evil imagination of the +world which saw harm in what he does with such innocent intent. + +The gushing man has one grave defect--he is not safe nor secret. From +no bad motive, but just from the blind propulsion of gushingness, he +cannot keep a secret, and he is sure to let out sooner or later all +he knows. He holds back nothing of his friends nor of his own--not +even when his honour is engaged in the trust; being essentially +loose-lipped, and with his emotional life always bubbling up through +the thin crust of conventional reserve. Not that he means to be +dishonourable; he is only gushing and unrestrained. Hence every friend +he has knows all about him. His latest lover learns the roll-call of +all his previous loves; and there is not a man in his club, with whom +he is on speaking terms, who does not know as much. Women who trust +themselves to gushing men simply trust themselves to broken reeds; and +they might as well look for a sieve that will hold water as expect a +man of the sieve nature to keep their secret, whatever it may cost +them and him to divulge it. + +As a theorist the gushing man is for ever advocating untenable +opinions and taking up with extreme doctrines, which he announces +confidently and out of which he can be argued by the first opponent he +encounters. The facility with which he can be bowled over on any +ground--he calls it being converted--is in fact one of his most +striking characteristics; and a gushing man rushes from the school of +one professor to that of another, his zeal unabated, no matter how +many his reconversions. He is always finding the truth, which he never +retains; and the loudest and most active in damning a cast-off +doctrine is the gushing man who has once followed it. As a leader, he +is irresistible to both boys and women. His enthusiastic, +unreflecting, unballasted character finds a ready response in the +youthful and feminine nature; and he is the idol of a small knot of +ardent worshippers, who believe in him as the logical and +well-balanced man is never believed in. He takes them captive by a +community of imagination, of impulsiveness, of exaggeration; and is +followed just in proportion to his unfitness to lead. + +This is the kind of man who writes sentimental novels, with a good +deal of love laced with a vague form of pantheism or of weak +evangelical religion, to suit all tastes; or he is great in a certain +kind of indefinite poetry which no one has yet been found to +understand, save perhaps, a special Soul Sister, which is the subdued +version among us of the more suggestive Spiritual Wife. He adores the +feminine virtues, which he places far beyond all the masculine ones; +and expatiates on the beauty of the female character which he thinks +is to be the rule of the future. Perhaps though, he goes off into +panegyrics on the Vikings and the Berserkers; or else plunges boldly +into the mists of the Arthurian era, and gushes in obsolete English +about chivalry and the Round Table, Sir Launcelot and the Holy Graal, +to the bewilderment of his entranced audience to whom he does not +supply a glossary. In religion he is generally a mystic and always in +extremes. He can never be pinned down to logic, to facts, to reason; +and to his mind the golden mean is the sin for which the Laodicean +Church was cursed. Feeling and emotion and imagination do all the +work of the world according to him; and when he is asked to reason and +to demonstrate, he answers, with the lofty air of one secure of the +better way, that he Loves, and that Love sees further and more clearly +than reason. + +As the strong-minded woman is a mistake among women, so is the gushing +man among men. Fluid, unstable, without curb to govern or rein to +guide, he brings into the masculine world all the mental frailties of +the feminine, and adds to them the force of his own organization as a +man. Whatever he may be he is a disaster; and at all times is +associated with failure. He is the revolutionary leader who gets up +abortive risings--the schemer whose plans run into sand--the poet +whose books are read only by schoolgirls, or lie on the publisher's +shelves uncut, as his gushingness bubbles over into twaddle or exhales +itself in the smoke of obscurity--the fanatic whose faith is more +madness than philosophy--the man of society who is the butt of his +male companions and the terror of his lady acquaintances--the father +of a family which he does his best, unintentionally, to ruin by +neglect, which he calls nature, or by eccentricity of training, which +he calls faith--and the husband of a woman who either worships him in +blind belief, or who laughs at him in secret, as heart or head +preponderates in her character. In any case he is a man who never +finds the fitting time or place; and who dies as he has lived, with +everything about him incomplete. + + + + +_SWEET SEVENTEEN._ + + +A vast amount of poetry has always been thrown round that special time +of a woman's life when, + + Standing with reluctant feet + Where the brook and river meet, + +she is no longer a child and yet not quite a woman--that transition +time between the closed bud and the full-blown flower which we in +England express by the term, among others, of Sweet Seventeen. Without +meaning to be sentimental, or to envelope things in a golden haze +wrought by the imagination only and nowhere to be found in fact, we +cannot deny the peculiar charm which belongs to a girl of this age, if +she is nice, and neither pert nor silly. Besides, it is not only what +she is that interests us, but what she will be; for this is the time +when the character is settling into its permanent form, so that the +great thought of every one connected with her is, How will she turn +out? Into what kind of woman will the girl develop? and, What kind of +life will she make for herself? + +Certainly Sweet Seventeen may be a most unlovely creature, and in +fact she often is; a creature hard and forward, having lost the +innocence and obedience of childhood and having gained nothing yet of +the tact and grace of womanhood; a creature whose hopes and thoughts +are all centred on the time when she shall be brought out and have her +fling of flirting and fine dresses with the rest. Or she may be only a +gauche and giggling schoolgirl, with a mind as narrow as her life, +given up to the small intrigues and scandals of the dormitory and the +playground--a girl who scamps her lessons and cheats her masters; +whose highest efforts of intellect are shown in the cleverness with +which she can break the rules of the establishment without being found +out; who thinks talking at forbidden times, peeping through forbidden +windows, giving silly nicknames to her companions and teachers, and +telling silly secrets with less truth than ingenuity in them, the +greatest fun imaginable, and all the greater because of the spice of +rebellion and perversity with which her folly is dashed. Or she may be +a mere tomboy, regretting her sex and despising its restraints; +cultivating schoolboy slang and aping schoolboy habits; ridiculing her +sisters and disliked by her companions, while thinking girlhood a bore +and womanhood a mistake in exact proportion to its feminality. Or she +may be a budding miss, shy and awkward, with no harm in her and as +little good--a mere sketch of a girl, without a leading line as yet +made out or the dominant colour so much as indicated. + +Sometimes she is awkward in another way, being studious and +preoccupied--when she passes for odd and original, and is partly +feared, partly disliked, and wholly misunderstood by her own young +world; and sometimes she has a cynical contempt for men and beauty and +pleasure and dress, when she will make herself ridiculous by her +revolt against all the canons of good taste and conventionality. But +after her _début_ in tattered garments of severe colours and ungainly +cut, she will probably end her days as a frantic Fashionable, the +salvation of whose soul depends on the faultless propriety of her +wardrobe. The eccentricities of Sweet Seventeen not unfrequently +revenge themselves by an exactly opposite extravagance of maturity. +But though there are enough and to spare of girls according to all +these patterns, the Sweet Seventeen of one's affections is none of +them. And yet she is not always the same, but has her different +presentations, her varying facets, which give her variety of charm and +beauty. + +The best and loveliest thing about Sweet Seventeen is her sense of +duty--for the most part a new sense. She no longer needs to be told +what to do; she has not to be kept to her tasks by the fear of +authority nor the submissive grace of obedience; but of her own free +will, because understanding that it is her duty and that duty is a +holier thing than self-will, she conscientiously does what she does +not like to do, and cheerfully gives up what she desires without being +driven or exhorted. She has generally before her mind some favourite +heroine in a girl's novel, who goes through much painful discipline +and comes out all the brighter for it in the end; and she makes noble +resolves of living as worthily as her model. She comforts her soul +too, with passages from Longfellow and Tennyson and the 'Christian +Year,' and learns long extracts from 'Evangeline' and the 'Idyls;' +poetry having an almost magical influence over her, nearly as powerful +as the Sunday sermons to which she listens so devoutly and tries so +patiently to understand. For the first time she wakes to a dim sense +of her own individuality, and confesses to herself that she has a life +of her own, apart from and extraneous to her mere family membership. +She is not only the sister or the daughter living with and for her +parents or her brothers and sisters, but she is also herself, with a +future of her own not to be shared with them, not to be touched by +them. And she begins to have vague dreams of this future and its +hero--dreams that are as much of fairyland as if they were of the +young prince coming over the sea in a golden boat to find the princess +in a tower of brass waiting for him. + +Quite impersonal, and with a hero only in the clouds, nevertheless +these dreams are suggested by the special circumstances of her life, +by her favourite books or the style of society in which she has been +placed. The young prince is either a beautiful and high-souled +clergyman--not unlike the young vicar or the new curate, but +infinitely more beautiful--an apostle in the standing collar and +single-breasted coat of the nineteenth century; or he is an artist in +a velvet blouse and with flowing hair, living in a world of beauty +such as no Philistine can imagine; or he is a gallant sailor, with +blue eyes and a loose necktie, looking up to heaven in a gale, and +thinking of his mother and sisters at home and of the one still more +beloved, when he certainly ought to be thinking of tarry ropes and +coarse sailcloth; or he is a magnificent young officer heading his men +at a charge, and looking supremely well got up and handsome. This is +the kind of _futur_ she dreams of when she dreams at all, which is not +often. The reality of her mature life is perhaps a stolid square-set +squire, or a prosaic city merchant without the thinnest thread of +romance in his composition; while her own life, which was to be such a +lovely poem of graceful usefulness and heroic beauty, sinks into the +prosaic routine of housekeeping and society, the sigh after the +vanished ideal growing fainter and fainter as the weight of fact grows +heavier. + +Married men are all sacred to Sweet Seventeen when she is a good girl; +so are engaged men. For the matter of that, she believes that nothing +could induce her to marry either a widower or one who had been already +engaged, as nothing could induce her to marry any man under five foot +eleven, or with a snub nose or sandy whiskers. Sweet Seventeen has in +general the most profound aversion for boys. To be sure she may have +her favourites--very few and very seldom; but she mostly thinks them +stupid or conceited, and impartially resents either their awkward +attentions to herself or their assumptions of superiority. An +abnormally clever boy--the Poet-Laureate or George Stephenson of his +generation--is her detestation, because he is odd and unlike every one +else; while the one that she dislikes least among them is the school +hero, who is first in the sports and takes all the prizes, and who +goes through life loved by every one and never famous. + +For her several brothers she has a range of entirely different +feelings. Her younger schoolboy brothers she regards as the torments +of her existence, whose unkempt hair, dirty boots and rude manners are +her special crosses, to be borne with patience, tempered by an active +endeavour after reform. But the more advanced, and those who are older +than herself, are her loves for whom she has an enthusiastic +admiration, and whose future she believes in as something specially +brilliant and successful. If only slightly older or younger than +herself, she impresses them powerfully with the sentiment of her +superiority, and patronizes them--kindly enough; but she makes them +feel the ineffable supremacy of her sex, and how that she by virtue of +her womanhood is a glorified creature beside them--an Ariel to their +Caliban. + +Now too, she begins to speak to her mother on more equal terms; to +criticize her dress, and to make her understand that she considers her +old-fashioned and inclined to be dowdy. She ties her bonnet-strings +for her; arranges her cap; smartens up her old dress and compels her +to buy a new one; and, while considering her immeasurably ancient, +likes her to look nice, and thinks her in her own way beautiful. +Sometimes she opposes and quarrels with her, if the mother has less +tact than arbitrariness. But this is not her natural state; for one of +the characteristics of Sweet Seventeen is her love for her mother and +her need of better counsel and guidance; so that if she comes into +opposition with her it is only through extreme pain, and the bitter +teaching of tyranny and injustice. This is just the age indeed, when +the mother's influence is everything to a girl; and when a silly, an +unjust, or an unprincipled woman is the very ruin of her life. But +with a low or evil-natured mother we seldom see a Sweet Seventeen +worth the trouble of writing about: which shows at least one +thing--the importance of the womanly influence at such a time, and how +so much that we blame in our modern girls lies to the account of their +mothers. + +Great tact is required with Sweet Seventeen in such society as is +allowed her; care to bring her out a little without obtruding her on +the world, without making her forward and consequential, and without +attracting too much attention to her. She is no longer a child to be +shut away in the nursery, but she is not yet entitled to the place and +consideration of a member of society. And yet it would be cruel to +debar her wholly from all that is going on in the house. To be sure +there is the governess, as well as mamma, to look after her manners +and to give her rope enough and not too much; but by the time a girl +is seventeen a governess has ceased to be the autocrat _ex officio_, +and she obeys her or not according to their respective strengths. +Still, the governess or mamma is for the most part at her elbow; and +Sweet Seventeen, if well brought up, is left very little to her own +guidance, and sees the world only through half-opened doors. + +Girls of this age are often wonderfully sad, and full of a kind of +wondering despair at the sin and misery they are beginning to learn. +They take up extreme views in religion and talk largely on the +nothingness of pleasure and the emptiness of the world; and many fair +young creatures whom their elders, laden with sorrowful experience, +think full of hope and joy, are ready to give up all the pleasure of +life, and to lay down life itself, for very disgust of that of which +they know nothing. They delight in sorrowful lamentations and +sentimental regrets put into rhyme; and one of the funniest things in +the world is to see a girl dancing with the merriest in the evening, +and to hear her talking broken-hearted pessimism in the morning. It is +merely an example of the old proverb about the meeting of extremes; +vacuity leading to the same results as experience. + +But however she takes this unknown life, it is always in an unreal and +romantic aspect. Some of more robust mind delight in the bolder +stories of Greece and Rome, and wish they had played a part in the +sensational heroism of those grand old times; while others go to +Venice, and make pictures for themselves out of the gliding gondolas +and the mysterious Council of Ten, the lovely ladies with grim old +fathers and high-handed brothers acting as gaolers, and the handsome +cavaliers serenading them in the moonlight. That is their idea of +love. They have no perception of anything warmer. It is all romance +and poetry, and tender glances from afar, and long and patient wooing +under difficulties and a little danger, with scarce a word spoken, and +nothing more expressive than a flower furtively given, or a fleeting +pressure of the finger tips. They know nothing else and expect nothing +else. Their cherry is without stone, their bird without bone, their +orange without rind, as in the old song; and they imagine a love as +unreal as all the rest. + +When thrown into actualities, though--say when left motherless, and +the eldest girl of perhaps a large family with a father to comfort and +a young brood to see after--Sweet Seventeen is often very beautiful in +her degree, and rises grandly to her position. Sometimes the burden of +her responsibilities is too much for her tender shoulders, and she is +overweighted, and fails. Sometimes too she is tyrannical and selfish +in such a position, and uses her power ill; and sometimes she is +careless and good-humoured, when they all scramble up together, +through confusion, dirt and disorder, till the close time is over, and +they scatter themselves abroad. Sometimes she is a martyr, and makes +herself and every one else uncomfortable by the perpetual +demonstration of her martyrdom, and how she considers herself +sacrificed and put upon. Indeed she is not unfrequently a martyr from +other causes than heavy duties, being fond of adopting unworkable +views which cannot run in the family groove anyhow. If she falls upon +this rock she is in her glory; youth being marvellously proud of +voluntary crucifixion, and thinking itself especially ill-used because +it must be made conformable and is prevented from making itself +ridiculous. + +But Sweet Seventeen is intolerant of all moral differences. What she +holds to be right is the absolute, the one sole and only just law; and +she thinks it tampering with sin to allow that any one else has an +equal right with herself to a contrary opinion. But on the whole she +is a pleasant, loveable interesting creature; and one's greatest +regret about her is that she is so often in the hands of unsuitable +guides, and that her powers and noble impulses get so stunted and +shadowed by the commonplace training which is her general lot, and the +low aims of life which are the only ones held out to her. + + + + +_THE HABIT OF FEAR._ + + +The mind, like the body, contracts tricks and habits which in time +become automatic and involuntary--habits of association, tricks of +repetition, of which the excess is monomania, but which, without +attaining to quite that extreme, become more or less masters of the +brain and directors of the thoughts. And, of all these tricks of the +mind, the habit of fear is the most insidious and persistent. It is +seldom that any one who has once given in to it is able to clear +himself of it again. However unreasonable it may be, the trick clings, +and it would take an exceptionally strong intellect to be convinced of +its folly and learn the courage of common-sense. But this is just the +intellect which does not allow itself to contract the habit in the +beginning; a coward being for the most part a washy, weak kind of +being, with very little backbone anyhow. We do not mean by this fear +that which is physical and personal only, though this is generally the +sole idea which people have of the word; but moral and mental +cowardice as well. Personal fear indeed, is common enough, and as +pitiable as it is common; and we are ashamed to say that it is not +confined to women, though naturally it is more predominant with them +than with men. + +As for women, the tyranny of fear lies very heavy on them, taking the +flavour out of many a life which else would be perfectly happy; being +often the only bitter drop in a cup full of sweetness. But how bitter +that drop is!--bitter enough to destroy all the sweetness of the rest. +Some women live in the perpetual presence of dread, both mental and +personal. It surrounds them like an atmosphere; it clothes them like a +garment; day by day, and from night to morning, it dogs their steps +and sits like a nightmare on their hearts; it is their very root work +of sensation, and they could as soon live without food as live without +fear. + +Ludicrous as many of their terrors are, we still cannot help pitying +these poor self-made martyrs of imaginary danger. Take that most +familiar of all forms of fear among women, the fear of burglars, and +let us imagine for a moment the horror of the life which is haunted by +a nightly dread--by a terror that comes with as unfailing regularity +as the darkness--and measure, if we can, the amount of anguish that +must be endured before death comes to take off the torture. There are +many women to whom night is simply this time of torture, never +varying, never relieved. They dare not lock their doors, because then +they would be at the mercy of the man who sooner or later is to come +in at the window; and if they hear the boards creak or the furniture +crack they are in agonies because of the man who they are sure is in +the house, and who will come in at the door. They cannot sleep if they +have not looked all about the room--under the bed, behind the +curtains, into the closet, where perhaps a dress hanging a little +fantastically gives them a nervous start that lasts for the night. + +But though they search so diligently they would probably faint on the +spot if they so much as saw the heels of the housebreaker they are +looking for. Yet you cannot reason with these poor creatures. You +cannot deny the fact that burglars have been found before now secreted +in bedrooms; and you cannot pooh-pooh the murders and housebreakings +which are reported in the newspapers; so you have nothing to say to +their argument that things which have happened once may happen again, +and that there is no reason why they specially should be exempt from a +misfortune to which others have been subjected. But you feel that +their terrors are just so much pith and substance taken out of their +strength; and that if they could banish the fear of burglars from +their minds they would be so much the more valuable members of +society, while the exorcism of their dismal demon would be so much the +better for themselves. + +It is the same in everything. If they are living in the country, and +go up to London lodgings, they take the ground floor for fear of fire +and being burnt alive in their beds. If they go from London to the +country they see an escaped convict or a murderer in every ragged +reaper asking for work, or every tramp that begs for broken victuals +at the door. The country to them is full of dangers. In the shooting +season they are sure they will be shot if they go near a wood or a +turnip-field. They think they will be gored to death if they meet a +meek-eyed cow going placidly through the lane to her milking; and you +might as well try to march them up to the cannon's mouth as induce +them to cross a field where cattle are grazing. If they are driving, +and the horses are going at full trot, they say they are running away +and clutch the driver's arm nervously. As travellers they are in a +state of not wholly unreasonable apprehension the whole time the +railway journey lasts. They wait at Folkestone for days for a smooth +crossing; and when they are on board they call a breeze a gale, and +make sure they are bound for the bottom if the sea chops enough to +rock the boat so much as a cradle. If they go over a Swiss pass they +say their prayers and shut their eyes till it is over; and they are +horribly afraid of banditti on every foot of Italian ground, besides +firmly believing in the complicity with brigands of all the innkeepers +and _vetturini_. + +Their fear extends to all who belong to them, for whom they conjure up +scenes of deadly disaster so soon as they are out of sight. Their +fancy is faceted, like the eyes of a fly, and they worry themselves +and every one else by exaggerating every chance of danger into a +certainty of destruction. When an epidemic is abroad, they are sure +all the children will take it; and if they have taken it, they are +sure they will never get over it. In illness indeed, those people who +have allowed themselves to fall into the habit of fear are especially +full of foreboding; not because they are more loving, more sympathetic +than others, but because they are more timid and less hopeful. If you +believe them, no one will recover who is in any way seriously +attacked; and the smallest ailment in themselves or their friends is +the sure forerunner of a mortal sickness. They make no allowance for +the elastic power of human nature; and they dislike hope and courage +in others, thinking you unfeeling in exact proportion to your +cheerfulness. + +Morally this same habit of fear deteriorates, because it weakens and +narrows, the whole nature. So far from following Luther's famous +advice--Sin boldly and leave the rest to God--their sin is their very +fear, their unconquerable distrust. These are the people who regard +our affections as snares and all forms of pleasure as so many waymarks +on the road to perdition--who would narrow the circle of human life to +the smallest point both of feeling and action, because of the sin in +which, according to them, the whole world is steeped. They see guilt +everywhere, but innocence not at all. Their minds are set to the trick +of terror; and fear of the power of the devil and the anger of God +weighs on them like an iron chain from which there is no release. +This is not so much from delicacy of conscience as from simple moral +cowardice; for you seldom find these very timid people lofty-minded or +capable of any great act of heroism. On the contrary, they are +generally peevish and always selfish; self-consideration being the +tap-root of their fears, though the cause is assigned to all sorts of +pretty things, such as acute sensibilities, keen imagination, bad +health, tender conscience, delicate nerves--to anything in fact but +the real cause, a cowardly habit of fear produced by continual moral +selfishness, by incessant thought of and regard for themselves. + +Nothing is so depressing as the society of a timid person, and nothing +is so infectious as fear. Live with any one given up to an eternal +dread of possible dangers and disasters, and you can scarcely escape +the contagion, nor, however brave you may be, maintain your +cheerfulness and faculty of faith. Indeed, as timid folks crave for +sympathy in their terrors--that very craving being part of their +malady of fear--you cannot show them a cheerful countenance under pain +of offence, and seeming to be brutal in your disregard of what so +tortures them. Their fears may be simply absurd and irrational, yet +you must sympathize with them if you wish even to soothe; argument or +common-sense demonstration of their futility being so much mental +ingenuity thrown away. + +Fear breeds suspicion too, and timid people are always suspecting ill +of some one. The deepest old diplomatist who has probed the folly and +evil of the world from end to end, and who has sharpened his wits at +the expense of his trust, is not more full of suspicion of his kind +than a timid, superstitious, world-withdrawn man or woman given up to +the tyranny of fear. Every one is suspected more or less, but chiefly +lawyers, servants and all strangers. Any demonstration of kindness or +interest at all different from the ordinary jogtrot of society fills +them with undefined suspicion and dread; and, fear being in some +degree the product of a diseased imagination, the 'probable' causes +for anything they do not quite understand would make the fortune of a +novel-writer if given him for plots. If any one wants to hear +thrilling romances in course of actual enactment, let him go down +among remote and quiet-living country people, and listen to what they +have to say of the chance strangers who may have established +themselves in the neighbourhood, and who, having brought no letters of +introduction, are not known by the aborigines. The Newgate Calendar or +Dumas' novels would scarcely match the stories which fear and +ignorance have set afoot. + +Fearful folk are always on the brink of ruin. They cannot wait to see +how things will turn before they despair; and they cannot hope for the +best in a bad pass. They are engulfed in abysses which never open, and +they die a thousand deaths before the supreme moment actually arrives. +The smallest difficulties are to them like the straws placed +crosswise over which no witch could pass; the beneficent action of +time, either as a healer of sorrow or a revealer of hidden mercies, is +a word of comfort they cannot accept for themselves, how true soever +it may be for others; the doctrine that chances are equal for good as +well as for bad is what they will not understand; and they know of no +power that can avert the disaster, which perhaps is simply a +possibility not even probable, and which their own fears only have +arranged. If they are professional men, having to make their way, they +are for ever anticipating failure for to-day and absolute destruction +for to-morrow; and they bemoan the fate of the wife and children sure +to be left to poverty by their untimely decease, when the chances are +ten to one in favour of the apportioned threescore and ten years. Life +is a place of suffering here and a place of torment hereafter; yet +they often wish to die, reversing Hamlet's decision by thinking the +mystery of unknown ills preferable to the reality of those they have +on hand. + +Over such minds as these the vaticinations of such a prophet as Dr. +Cumming have peculiar power; and they accept his gloomy +interpretations of the Apocalypse with a faith as unquestioning as +that with which they accept the Gospels. They have a predilection +indeed for all terrifying prophecies, and cast the horoscope of the +earth and foretell the destruction of the universe with marvellous +exactitude. Their minds are set to the trick of foreboding, and they +live in the habit of fear, as others live in the habit of hope, of +resignation, or of careless good-humour and indifference. There is +nothing to be done with them. Like drinking, or palsy, or a nervous +headache, or a congenital deformity, the habit is hopeless when once +established; and those who have begun by fear and suspicion and +foreboding will live to the end in the atmosphere they have created +for themselves. The man or woman whose mind is once haunted by the +nightly fear of a secreted burglar will go on looking for his heels so +long as eyesight and the power of locomotion continue; and no failure +in past Apocalyptic interpretations will shake the believer's faith in +those of which the time for fulfilment has not yet arrived. It is a +trick which has rooted, a habit that has crystallized by use into a +formation; and there it must be left, as something beyond the power of +reason to remedy or of experience to destroy. + + + + +_OLD LADIES._ + + +The world is notoriously unjust to its veterans, and above all it is +unjust to its ancient females. Everywhere, and from all time, an old +woman has been taken to express the last stage of uselessness and +exhaustion; and while a meeting of bearded dotards goes by the name of +a council of sages, and its deliberations are respected accordingly, a +congregation of grey-haired matrons is nothing but a congregation of +old women, whose thoughts and opinions on any subject whatsoever have +no more value than the chattering of so many magpies. In fact the poor +old ladies have a hard time of it; and if we look at it in its right +light, perhaps nothing proves more thoroughly the coarse flavour of +the world's esteem respecting women than this disdain which they +excite when they are old. And yet what charming old ladies one has +known at times!--women quite as charming in their own way at seventy +as their grand-daughters are at seventeen, and all the more so because +they have no design now to be charming, because they have given up the +attempt to please for the reaction of praise, and long since have +consented to become old though they have never drifted into +unpersonableness nor neglect. While retaining the intellectual +vivacity and active sympathies of maturity, they have added the +softness, the mellowness, the tempering got only from experience and +advancing age. They are women who have seen and known and read a great +deal; and who have suffered much; but whose sorrows have neither +hardened nor soured them--but rather have made them even more +sympathetic with the sorrows of others, and pitiful for all the young. +They have lived through and lived down all their own trials, and have +come out into peace on the other side; but they remember the trials of +the fiery passage, and they feel for those who have still to bear the +pressure of the pain they have overcome. These are not women much met +with in society; they are of the kind which mostly stays at home and +lets the world come to them. They have done with the hurry and glitter +of life, and they no longer care to carry their grey hairs abroad. +They retain their hold on the affections of their kind; they take an +interest in the history, the science, the progress of the day; but +they rest tranquil and content by their own fireside, and they sit to +receive, and do not go out to gather. + +The fashionable old lady who haunts the theatres and drawing-rooms, +bewigged, befrizzled, painted, ghastly in her vain attempts to appear +young, hideous in her frenzied clutch at the pleasures melting from +her grasp, desperate in her wild hold on a life that is passing away +from her so rapidly, knows nothing of the quiet dignity and happiness +of her ancient sister who has been wise enough to renounce before she +lost. In her own house, where gather a small knot of men of mind and +women of character, where the young bring their perplexities and the +mature their deeper thoughts, the dear old lady of ripe experience, +loving sympathies and cultivated intellect holds a better court than +is known to any of those miserable old creatures who prowl about the +gay places of the world, and wrestle with the young for their crowns +and garlands--those wretched simulacra of womanhood who will not grow +old and who cannot become wise. She is the best kind of old lady +extant, answering to the matron of classic times--to the Mother in +Israel before whom the tribes made obeisance in token of respect; the +woman whose book of life has been well studied and closely read, and +kept clean in all its pages. She has been no prude however, and no +mere idealist. She must have been wife, mother and widow; that is, she +must have known many things of joy and grief and have had the +fountains of life unsealed. However wise and good she may be, as a +spinster she has had only half a life; and it is the best half which +has been denied her. How can she tell others, when they come to her in +their troubles, how time and a healthy will have wrought with her, if +she has never passed through the same circumstances? Theoretic comfort +is all very well, but one word of experience goes beyond volumes of +counsel based on general principles and a lively imagination. + +One type of old lady, growing yearly scarcer, is the old lady whose +religious and political theories are based on the doctrines of +Voltaire and Paine's _Rights of Man_--the old lady who remembers Hunt +and Thistlewood and the Birmingham riots; who talks of the French +Revolution as if it were yesterday; and who has heard so often of the +Porteus mob from poor papa that one would think she had assisted at +the hanging herself. She is an infinitely old woman, for the most part +birdlike, chirrupy, and wonderfully alive. She has never gone beyond +her early teaching, but is a fossil radical of the old school; and she +thinks the Gods departed when Hunt and his set died out. She is an +irreligious old creature, and scoffs with more cleverness than grace +at everything new or earnest. She would as lief see Romanism rampant +at once as this newfangled mummery they call Ritualism; and Romanism +is her version of the unchaining of Satan. As for science--well, it is +all very wonderful, but more wonderful she thinks than true; and she +cannot quite make up her mind about the spectroscope or protoplasm. Of +the two, protoplasm commends itself most to her imagination, for +private reasons of her own connected with the Pentateuch; but these +things are not so much in her way as Voltaire and Diderot, Volney and +Tom Paine, and she is content to abide by her ancient cairns and to +leave the leaping-poles of science to younger and stronger hands. +This type of old lady is for the most part an ancient spinster, whose +life has worn itself away in the arid deserts of mental doubt and +emotional negation. If she ever loved it was in secret, some +thin-lipped embodied Idea long years ago. Most likely she did not get +even to this unsatisfactory length, but contented herself with books +and discussions only. If she had ever honestly loved and been loved, +perhaps she would have gone beyond Voltaire, and have learned +something truer than a scoff. + +The old lady of strong instinctive affections, who never reflects and +never attempts to restrain her kindly weaknesses, stands at the other +end of the scale. She is the grandmother _par excellence_, and spends +her life in spoiling the little ones, cramming them with sugar-plums +and rich cake whenever she has the chance, and nullifying mamma's +punishments by surreptitious gifts and goodies. She is the dearly +beloved of our childish recollections; and to the last days of our +life we cherish the remembrance of the kind old lady with her beaming +smile, taking out of her large black reticule, or the more mysterious +recesses of her unfathomable pocket, wonderful little screws of paper +which her withered hands thrust into our chubby fists; but we can +understand now what an awful nuisance she must have been to the +authorities, and how impossible she made it to preserve anything like +discipline and the terrors of domestic law in the family. + +The old lady who remains a mere child to the end; who looks very much +like a faded old wax doll with her scanty hair blown out into +transparent ringlets, and her jaunty cap bedecked with flowers and +gay-coloured bows; who cannot rise into the dignity of true +womanliness; who knows nothing useful; can give no wise advice: has no +sentiment of protection, but on the contrary demands all sorts of care +and protection for herself--she, simpering and giggling as if she were +fifteen, is by no means an old lady of the finest type. But she is +better than the leering old lady who says coarse things, and who, like +Béranger's immortal creation, passes her time in regretting her plump +arms and her well-turned ankle and the lost time that can never be +recalled, and who is altogether a most unedifying old person and by no +means nice company for the young. + +Then there is the irascible old lady, who rates her servants and is +free with full-flavoured epithets against sluts in general; who is +like a tigress over her last unmarried daughter, and, when crippled +and disabled, still insists on keeping the keys, which she delivers up +when wanted only with a snarl and a suspicious caution. She has been +one of the race of active housekeepers, and has prided herself on her +exceptional ability that way for so long that she cannot bear to +yield, even when she can no longer do any good; so she sits in her +easy chair, like old Pope and Pagan in _Pilgrim's Progress_, and gnaws +her fingers at the younger world which passes her by. She is an +infliction to her daughter for all the years of her life, and to the +last keeps her in leading-strings, tied up as tight as the sinewy old +hands can knot them; treating her always as an irresponsible young +thing who needs both guidance and control, though the girl has passed +into the middle-aged woman by now, shuffling through life a poor +spiritless creature who has faded before she has fully blossomed, and +who dies like a fruit that has dropped from the tree before it has +ripened. + +Twin sister to this kind is the grim female become ancient; the gaunt +old lady with a stiff backbone, who sits upright and walks with a firm +tread like a man; a leathery old lady, who despises all your weak +slips of girls that have nerves and headaches and cannot walk their +paltry mile without fatigue; a desiccated old lady, large-boned and +lean, without an ounce of superfluous fat about her, with keen eyes +yet, with which she boasts that she can thread a needle and read small +print by candlelight; an indestructible old lady, who looks as if +nothing short of an earthquake would put an end to her. The friend of +her youth is now a stout, soft, helpless old lady, much bedraped in +woollen shawls, given to frequent sippings of brandy and water, and +ensconced in the chimney corner like a huge clay figure set to dry. +For her the indestructible old lady has the supremest contempt, +heightened in intensity by a vivid remembrance of the time when they +were friends and rivals. Ah, poor Laura, she says, straightening +herself; she was always a poor creature, and see what she is now! To +those who wait long enough the wheel always comes round, she thinks; +and the days when Laura bore away the bell from her for grace and +sweetness and loveableness generally are avenged now, when the one is +a mere mollusc and the other has a serviceable backbone that will last +for many a year yet. + +Then there is the musical old lady, who is fond of playing small +anonymous pieces of a jiggy character full of queer turns and shakes, +music that seems all written in demi-semi-quavers, and that she gives +in a tripping, catching way, as if the keys of the piano were hot. +Sometimes she will sing, as a great favour, old-world songs which are +almost pathetic for the thin and broken voice that chirrups out the +sentiment with which they abound; and sometimes, as a still greater +favour, she will stand up in the dance, and do the poor uncertain +ghosts of what were once steps, in the days when dancing was dancing +and not the graceless lounge it is now. But her dancing-days are over, +she says, after half-a-dozen turns; though, indeed, sometimes she +takes a frisky fit and goes in for the whole quadrille:--and pays for +it the next day. + +The very dress of old ladies is in itself a study and a revelation of +character. There are the beautiful old women who make themselves like +old pictures by a profusion of soft lace and tender greys; and the +stately old ladies who affect rich rustling silks and sombre velvet; +and there are the original and individual old ladies, who dress +themselves after their own kind, like Mrs. Basil Montagu, Miss Jane +Porter, and dear Mrs. Duncan Stewart, and have a _cachet_ of their own +with which fashion has nothing to do. And there are the old women who +wear rusty black stuffs and ugly helmet-like caps; and those who +affect uniformity and going with the stream, when the fashion has +become national--and these have been much exercised of late with the +strait skirts and the new bonnets. But Providence is liberal and +milliners are fertile in resources. In fact, in this as in all other +sections of humanity, there are those who are beautiful and wise, and +those who are foolish and unlovely; those who make the best of things +as they are, and those who make the worst, by treating them as what +they are not; those who extract honey, and those who find only poison. +For in old age, as in youth, are to be found beauty, use, grace and +value, but in different aspects and on another platform. And the folly +is when this difference is not allowed for, or when the possibility of +these graces is denied and their utility ignored. + + + + +_VOICES._ + + +Far before the eyes or the mouth or the habitual gesture, as a +revelation of character, is the quality of the voice and the manner of +using it. It is the first thing that strikes us in a new acquaintance, +and it is one of the most unerring tests of breeding and education. +There are voices which have a certain truthful ring about them--a +certain something, unforced and spontaneous, that no training can +give. Training can do much in the way of making a voice, but it can +never compass more than a bad imitation of this quality; for the very +fact of its being an imitation, however accurate, betrays itself like +rouge on a woman's cheeks, or a wig, or dyed hair. On the other hand, +there are voices which have the jar of falsehood in every tone, and +which are as full of warning as the croak of the raven or the hiss of +the serpent. These are in general the naturally hard voices which make +themselves caressing, thinking by that to appear sympathetic; but the +fundamental quality strikes up through the overlay, and a person must +be very dull indeed who cannot detect the pretence in that slow, +drawling, would-be affectionate voice, with its harsh undertone and +sharp accent whenever it forgets itself. + +But without being false or hypocritical, there are voices which puzzle +as well as disappoint us, because so entirely inharmonious with the +appearance of the speaker. For instance, there is that thin treble +squeak which we sometimes hear from the mouth of a well-grown portly +man, when we expected the fine rolling utterance which would have been +in unison with his outward seeming. And, on the other side of the +scale, where we looked for a shrill head-voice or a tender musical +cadence, we get that hoarse chest-voice with which young and pretty +girls sometimes startle us. This voice is in fact one of the +characteristics of the modern girl of a certain type; just as the +habitual use of slang is characteristic of her, or that peculiar +rounding of the elbows and turning out of the wrists--which gestures, +like the chest-voice, instinctively belong to men only and have to be +learned before they can be practised by women. + +Nothing betrays feeling so much as the voice, save perhaps the eyes; +and these can be lowered, and so far their expression hidden. In +moments of emotion no skill can hide the fact of disturbed feeling by +the voice; though a strong will and the habit of self-control can +steady it when else it would be failing and tremulous. But not the +strongest will, nor the largest amount of self-control, can keep it +natural as well as steady. It is deadened, veiled, compressed, like a +wild creature tightly bound and unnaturally still. One feels that it +is done by an effort, and that if the strain were relaxed for a moment +the wild creature would burst loose in rage or despair--and that the +voice would break into the scream of passion or quiver down into the +falter of pathos. And this very effort is as eloquent as if there had +been no holding down at all, and the voice had been left to its own +impulse unchecked. + +Again, in fun and humour, is it not the voice even more than the face +that is expressive? The twinkle of the eye, the hollow in the under +lip, the dimples about the mouth, the play of the eyebrow, are all +aids certainly; but the voice! The mellow tone that comes into the +utterance of one man; the surprised accents of another; the fatuous +simplicity of a third; the philosophical acquiescence of a fourth when +relating the most outrageous impossibilities--a voice and manner +peculiarly Transatlantic, and indeed one of the American forms of +fun--do we not know all these varieties by heart? have we not veteran +actors whose main point lies in one or other of these varieties? and +what would be the drollest anecdote if told in a voice which had +neither play nor significance? Pathos too--who feels it, however +beautifully expressed so far as words may go, if uttered in a dead and +wooden voice without sympathy? But the poorest attempts at pathos will +strike home to the heart if given tenderly and harmoniously. And just +as certain popular airs of mean association can be made into church +music by slow time and stately modulation, so can dead-level +literature be lifted into passion or softened into sentiment by the +voice alone. + +We all know the effect, irritating or soothing, which certain voices +have over us; and we have all experienced that strange impulse of +attraction or repulsion which comes from the sound of the voice alone. +And generally, if not absolutely always, the impulse is a true one, +and any modification which increased knowledge may produce is never +quite satisfactory. Certain voices grate on our nerves and set our +teeth on edge; and others are just as calming as these are irritating, +quieting us like a composing draught, and setting vague images of +beauty and pleasantness afloat in our brains. + +A good voice, calm in tone and musical in quality, is one of the +essentials for a physician--the 'bedside voice' which is nothing if +not sympathetic by constitution. Not false, not made up, not sickly, +but tender in itself, of a rather low pitch, well modulated and +distinctly harmonious in its notes, it is the very opposite of the +orator's voice, which is artificial in its management and a made +voice. Whatever its original quality may be, the orator's voice bears +the unmistakeable stamp of art and is artificial. It may be admirable; +telling in a crowd; impressive in an address; but it is overwhelming +and chilling at home, partly because it is always conscious and never +self-forgetting. + +An orator's voice, with its careful intonation and accurate accent, +would be as much out of place by a sick-bed as Court trains and +brocaded silk for the nurse. There are certain men who do a good deal +by a hearty, jovial, fox-hunting kind of voice--a voice a little +thrown up for all that it is a chest-voice--a voice with a certain +undefined rollick and devil-may-care sound in it, and eloquent of a +large volume of vitality and physical health. That, too, is a good +property for a medical man. It gives the sick a certain fillip, and +reminds them pleasantly of health and vigour. It may have a mesmeric +kind of effect upon them--who knows?--so that it induces in them +something of its own state, provided it be not overpowering. But a +voice of this kind has a tendency to become insolent in its assertion +of vigour, swaggering and boisterous; and then it is too much for +invalided nerves, just as mountain-winds or sea-breezes would be too +much, and the scent of flowers or of a hayfield oppressive. + +The clerical voice again, is a class-voice--that neat, careful, +precise voice, neither wholly made nor yet natural--that voice which +never strikes one as hearty nor as having a really genuine utterance, +but which is not entirely unpleasant if one does not require too much +spontaneity. The clerical voice, with its mixture of familiarity and +oratory as that of one used to talk to old women in private and to +hold forth to a congregation in public, is as distinct in its own way +as the mathematician's handwriting; and any one can pick out blindfold +his man from a knot of talkers, without waiting to see the square-cut +collar and close white tie. The legal voice is different again; but +this is rather a variety of the orator's than a distinct species--a +variety standing midway between that and the clerical, and affording +more scope than either. + +The voice is much more indicative of the state of the mind than many +people know of or allow. One of the first symptoms of failing brain +power is in the indistinct or confused utterance; no idiot has a clear +nor melodious voice; the harsh scream of mania is proverbial; and no +person of prompt and decisive thought was ever known to hesitate nor +to stutter. A thick, loose, fluffy voice too, does not belong to the +crisp character of mind which does the best active work; and when we +meet with a keen-witted man who drawls, and lets his words drip +instead of bringing them out in the sharp incisive way that should be +natural to him, we may be sure there is a flaw somewhere, and that he +is not 'clear grit' all through. + +We all have our company voices, as we all have our company manners; +and, after a time, we get to know the company voices of our friends, +and to understand them as we understand their best dresses and state +service. The person whose voice absolutely refuses to put itself into +company tone startles us as much as if he came to a state dinner in a +shooting-jacket. This is a different thing from the insincere and +flattering voice, which is never laid aside while it has its object to +gain, and which affects to be one thing when it means another. The +company voice is only a little bit of finery, quite in its place if +not carried into the home, where however, silly men and women think +they can impose on their house-mates by assumptions which cannot stand +the test of domestic ease. The lover's voice is of course _sui +generis_; but there is another kind of voice which one sometimes hears +that is quite as enchanting--the rich, full, melodious voice which +irresistibly suggests sunshine and flowers, and heavy bunches of +purple grapes, and a wealth of physical beauty at all four corners. +Such a voice is Alboni's; such a voice we can conceive Anacreon's to +have been; with less lusciousness and more stateliness, such a voice +was Walter Savage Landor's. His was not an English voice; it was too +rich and accurate; yet it was clear and apparently thoroughly +unstudied, and was the very perfection of art. There was no greater +treat of its kind than to hear Landor read Milton or Homer. + +Though one of the essentials of a good voice is its clearness, there +are certain lisps and catches which are pretty, though never +dignified; but most of them are painful to the ear. It is the same +with accents. A dash of brogue; the faintest suspicion of the Scotch +twang; even a little American accent--but very little, like red-pepper +to be sparingly used, as indeed we may say with the others--gives a +certain piquancy to the voice. So does a Continental accent generally; +few of us being able to distinguish the French accent from the German, +the Polish from the Italian, or the Russian from the Spanish, but +lumping them all together as 'a foreign accent' broadly. Of all the +European voices the French is perhaps the most unpleasant in its +quality, and the Italian the most delightful. The Italian voice is a +song in itself; not the sing-song voice of an English parish +schoolboy, but an unnoted bit of harmony. The French voice is thin, +apt to become wiry and metallic; a head-voice for the most part, and +eminently unsympathetic; a nervous, irritable voice, that seems more +fit for complaint than for love-making; and yet how laughing, how +bewitching it can make itself!--never with the Italian roundness, but +_câlinante_ in its own half-pettish way, provoking, enticing, +arousing. There are some voices which send you to sleep and others +which stir you up; and the French voice is of the latter kind when +setting itself to do mischief and work its own will. + +Of all the differences lying between Calais and Dover, perhaps nothing +strikes the traveller more than the difference in the national voice +and manner of speech. The sharp, high-pitched, stridulous voice of the +French, with its clear accent and neat intonation, is exchanged for +the loose, fluffy utterance of England, where clear enunciation is +considered pedantic; where brave men cultivate a drawl and pretty +women a deep chest-voice; where well-educated people think it no shame +to run all their words into each other, and to let consonants and +vowels drip out like so many drops of water, with not much more +distinction between them; and where no one knows how to educate his +organ artistically, without going into artificiality and affectation. +And yet the cultivation of the voice is an art, and ought to be made +as much a matter of education as a good carriage or a legible +handwriting. We teach our children to sing, but we never teach them to +speak, beyond correcting a glaring piece of mispronunciation or so. In +consequence of which we have all sorts of odd voices among us--short +yelping voices like dogs; purring voices like cats; croakings and +lispings and quackings and chatterings; a very menagerie in fact, to +be heard in a room ten feet square, where a little rational +cultivation would have reduced the whole of that vocal chaos to order +and harmony, and would have made what is now painful and distasteful +beautiful and seductive. + + + + +_BURNT FINGERS._ + + +An old proverb says that a burnt child dreads the fire. If so, the +child must be uncommonly astute, and with a power of reasoning by +analogy in excess of impulsive desire rarely found either in children +or adults. As a matter of fact, experience goes a very little way +towards directing folks wisely. People often say how much they would +like to live their lives over again with their present experience. +That means, they would avoid certain specific mistakes of the past, of +which they have seen and suffered from the issue. But if they retained +the same nature as now, though they might avoid a few special +blunders, they would fall into the same class of errors quite as +readily as before, the gravitation of character towards circumstance +being always absolute in its direction. + +Our blunders in life are not due to ignorance so much as to +temperament; and only the exceptionally wise among us learn to correct +the excesses of temperament by the lessons of experience. To the mass +of mankind these lessons are for the time only, and prophesy nothing +of the future. They hold them to have been mistakes of method, not of +principle, and they think that the same lines more carefully laid +would lead to a better superstructure in the future, not seeing that +the fault was organic and in those very initial lines themselves. No +impulsive nor wildly hopeful person, for instance, ever learns by +experience, so long as his physical condition remains the same. No one +with a large faculty of faith--that is, credulous and easily imposed +on--becomes suspicious or critical by mere experience. How much soever +people of this kind have been taken in, in times past, they are just +as ready to become the prey of the spoiler in times to come; and it +would be sad, if it were not so silly, to watch how inevitably one +half of the world gives itself up as food whereon the roguery of the +other half may wax fat. + +The person of facile confidence, whose secrets have been blazed abroad +more than once by trusted friends, makes yet another and another safe +confidant--quite safe this time; one of whose fidelity there is no +doubt--and learns when too late that one _panier percé_ is very like +another _panier percé_. The speculating man, without business faculty +or knowledge, who has burnt his fingers bare to the bone with handling +scrip and stock, thrusts them into the fire again so soon as he has +the chance. The gambler blows his fingers just cool enough to shuffle +the cards for this once only, sure that this time hope will tell no +flattering tale, that ravelled ends will knit themselves up into a +close and seemly garment, and heaven itself work a miracle in his +favour against the law of mathematical certainty. In fact we are all +gamblers in this way, and play our hazards for the stakes of faith and +hope. We all burn our fingers again and again at some fire or another; +but experience teaches us nothing; save perhaps a more hopeless, +helpless resignation towards that confounded ill-luck of ours, and a +weary feeling of having known it all before when things fall out amiss +and we are blistered in the old flames. + +In great matters this persistency of endeavour is sublime, and gets a +wealth of laurel crowns and blue ribands; but in little things it is +obstinacy, want of ability to profit by experience, denseness of +perception as to what can and what cannot be done; and the apologue of +Bruce's spider gets tiresome if too often repeated. The most +hopelessly inapt people at learning why they burnt their fingers last +time, and how they will burn them again, are those who, whatever their +profession, are blessed or cursed with what is called the artistic +temperament. A man will ruin himself for love of a particular place; +for dislike of a certain kind of necessary work; for the prosecution +of a certain hobby. Is he not artistic? and must he not have all the +conditions of his life exactly square with his desires? else how can +he do good work? So he goes on burning his fingers through +self-indulgence, and persists in his unwisdom to the end of his life. +He will paint his unsaleable pictures or write his unreadable books; +his path is one in which the money-paying public will not follow; but +though his very existence depends on the following of that paying +public, he will not stir an inch to meet it, but keeps where he is +because he likes the particular run of his hedgerows; and spends his +days in thrusting his hand into the fire of what he chooses to call +the ideal, and his nights in abusing the Philistinism of the world +which lets him be burnt. + +And what does any amount of experience do for us in the matter of +friendship or love? As the world goes round, and our credulous morning +darkens into a more sceptical twilight, we believe as a general +principle--a mere abstraction--that all new friends are just so much +gilt gingerbread; and that a very little close holding and hard +rubbing brings off the gilt, and leaves nothing but a slimy, sticky +mess of little worth as food and of none as ornament. And yet, if of +the kind to whom friendship is necessary for happiness, we rush as +eagerly into the new affection as if we had never philosophized on the +emptiness of the old, and believe as firmly in the solid gold of our +latest cake as if we had never smeared our hands with one of the same +pattern before. So with love. A man sees his comrades fluttering like +enchanted moths about some stately man-slayer, some fair and shining +light set like a false beacon on a dangerous cliff to lure men to +their destruction. He sees how they singe and burn in the flame of her +beauty, but he is not warned. If one's own experience teaches one +little or nothing, the experience of others goes for even less, and no +man yet was ever warned off the destructive fire of love because his +companions had burnt their fingers there before him and his own are +sure to follow. + +It is the same with women; and in a greater degree. They know all +about Don Juan well enough. They are perfectly well aware how he +treated A. and B. and C. and D. But when it comes to their own turn, +they think that this time surely, and to them, things will be +different and he will be in earnest. So they slide down into the +alluring flame, and burn their fingers for life by playing with +forbidden fire. But have we not all the secret belief that we shall +escape the snares and pitfalls into which others have dropped and +among which we choose to walk? that fire will not burn our fingers, at +least so very badly, when we thrust them into it? and that, by some +legerdemain of Providence, we shall be delivered from the consequences +of our own folly, and that two and two may be made to count five in +our behalf? Who is taught by the experience of an unhappy marriage, +say? No sooner has a man got himself free from the pressure of one +chain and bullet, than he hastens to fasten on another, quite sure +that this chain will be no heavier than the daintiest little thread of +gold, and this bullet as light and sweet as a cowslip-ball. Everything +that had gone wrong before will come right this time; and the hot bars +of close association with an uncomfortable temper and unaccommodating +habits will be only like a juggling trick, and will burn no one's +heart or hands. + +People too, who burn their fingers in giving good advice unasked, +seldom learn to hold them back. With an honest intention, and a strong +desire to see right done, it is difficult to avoid putting our hands +into fires with which we have no business. While we are young and +ardent, it seems to us as if we have distinct business with all fraud, +injustice, folly, wilfulness, which we believe a few honest words of +ours will control and annul; but nine times out of ten we only burn +our own hands, while we do not in the least strengthen those of the +right nor weaken those of the wrong. We may say the same of +good-natured people. There was never a row of chestnuts roasting at +the fire for which your good-natured oaf will not stretch out his hand +at the bidding and for the advantage of a friend. Experience teaches +the poor oaf nothing; not even that fire burns. To put his name at the +back of a bill, just as a mere form; to lend his money, just for a few +days; or to do any other sort of self-immolating folly, on the +faithful promise that the fire will not burn nor the knife cut--it all +comes as easy to men of the good-natured sort as their alphabet. +Indeed it is their alphabet, out of which they spell their own ruin; +but so long as the impressionable temperament lasts--so long as the +liking to do a good-natured action is greater than caution, suspicion, +or the power of analogical reasoning--so long will the oaf make +himself the catspaw of the knave, till at last he has left himself no +fingers wherewith to pluck out the chestnuts for himself or another. + +The first doubt of young people is always a source of intense +suffering. Hitherto they have believed what they saw and all they +heard; and they have not troubled themselves with motives nor facts +beyond those given to them and lying on the surface. But when they +find out for themselves that seeming is not necessarily being, and +that all people are not as good throughout as they thought them, then +they suffer a moral shock which often leads them into a state of +practical atheism and despair. Many young people give up altogether +when they first open the book of humanity and begin to read beyond the +title-page; and, because they have found specks in the cleanest parts, +they believe that nothing is left pure. They are as much bewildered as +horror-struck, and cannot understand how any one they have loved and +respected should have done this or that misdeed. Having done it, there +is nothing left to love nor respect further. It is only by degrees +that they learn to adjust and apportion, and to understand that the +whole creature is not necessarily corrupt because there are a few +unhealthy places here and there. But in the beginning this first +scorching by the fire of experience is very painful and bad to bear. +Then they begin to think the knowledge of the world, as got from +books, so wonderful, so profound; and they look on it as a science to +be learned by much studying of aphorisms. They little know that not +the most affluent amount of phrase knowledge can ever regulate that +class of action which springs from a man's inherent disposition; and +that it is not facts which teach but self-control which prevents. + +After very early youth we all have enough theoretical knowledge to +keep us straight; but theoretical knowledge does nothing without +self-knowledge, or its corollary, self-control. The world has never +yet got beyond the wisdom of Proverbs and Ecclesiastes; and Solomon's +advice to the Israelitish youth lounging round the gates of the Temple +is quite as applicable to young Hopeful coming up to London chambers +as it was to them. Teaching of any kind, by books or events, is the +mere brute weapon; but self-control is the intelligent hand to wield +it. To burn one's fingers once in a lifetime tells nothing against a +man's common-sense nor dignity; but to go on burning them is the act +of a fool, and we cannot pity the wounds, however sore they may be. +The Arcadian virtues of unlimited trust and hope and love are very +sweet and lovely; but they are the graces of childhood, not the +qualities of manhood. They are charming little finalities, which do +not admit of modification nor of expansion; and in a naughty world, to +go about with one's heart on one's sleeve, believing every one and +accepting everything to be just as it presents itself, is offering +bowls of milk to tigers, and meeting armed men with a tin sword. Such +universal trust can only result in a perpetual burning of one's +fingers; and a life spent in pulling out hot chestnuts from the fire +for another's eating is by no means the most useful nor the most +dignified to which a man can devote himself. + + + + +_DÉSOEUVREMENT._ + + +Perhaps we ought to apologize for using a foreign label, but there is +no one English word which gives the full meaning of _désoeuvrement_. +Only paraphrases and accumulations would convey the many subtle shades +contained in it; and paraphrases and accumulations are inconvenient as +headings. But if we have not the word, we have a great deal of the +thing; for _désoeuvrement_ is an evil unfortunately not confined to +one country nor to one class; and even we, with all our boasted +Anglo-Saxon energy, have people among us as unoccupied and purposeless +as are to be found elsewhere. Certainly we have nothing like the +Neapolitan lazzaroni who pass their lives in dozing in the sun; but +that is more because of our climate than our condition, and if our +_désoeuvrés_ do not doze out of doors, it by no means follows that +they are wide awake within. + +No state is more unfortunate than this listless want of purpose which +has nothing to do, which is interested in nothing, and which has no +serious object in life; and the drifting, aimless temperament, which +merely waits and does not even watch, is the most disastrous that a +man or woman can possess. Feverish energy, wearing itself out on +comparative nothings, is better than the indolence which folds its +hands and makes neither work nor pleasure; and the most microscopic +and restless perception is more healthful than the dull blindness +which goes from Dan to Beersheba, and finds all barren. + +If even death itself is only a transmutation of forces--an active and +energizing change--what can we say of this worse than mental death? +How can we characterize a state which is simply stagnation? Not all of +us have our work cut out and laid ready for us to do; very many of us +have to seek for objects of interest and to create our own employment; +and were it not for the energy which makes work by its own force, the +world would still be lying in barbarism, content with the skins of +beasts for clothing and with wild fruits and roots for food. But the +_désoeuvrés_ know nothing of the pleasures of energy; consequently +none of the luxuries of idleness--only its tedium and monotony. Life +is a dull round to them of alternate vacancy and mechanical routine; a +blank so dead that active pain and positive sorrow would be better for +them than the passionless negation of their existence. They love +nothing; they hope for nothing; they work for nothing; to-morrow will +be as to-day, and to-day is as yesterday was; it is the mere passing +of time which they call living--a moral and mental hybernation broken +up by no springtime waking. + +Though by no means confined to women only, this disastrous state is +nevertheless more frequently found with them than with men. It is +comparatively rare that a man--at least an Englishman--is born with so +little of the activity which characterizes manhood as to rest content +without some kind of object for his life, either in work or in +pleasure, in study or in vice. But many women are satisfied to remain +in an unending _désoeuvrement_, a listless supineness that has not +even sufficient active energy to fret at its own dullness. + +We see this kind of thing especially in the families of the poorer +class of gentry in the country. If we except the Sunday school and +district visiting, neither of which commends itself as a pleasant +occupation to all minds--both in fact needing a little more active +energy than we find in the purely _désoeuvré_ class--what is there for +the unmarried daughters of a family to do? There is no question of a +profession for any of them. Ideas travel slowly in country places, and +root themselves still more slowly, even yet; and the idea of woman's +work for ladies is utterly inadmissible by the English gentleman who +can leave a modest sufficiency to his daughters--just enough to live +on in the old house and in the old way, without a margin for luxuries, +but above anything like positive want. There is no possibility then of +an active career in art or literature; of going out as a governess, as +a hospital nurse, or as a Sister. There is only home, with the +possible and not very probable chance of marriage as the vision of +hope in the distant future. And that chance is very small and very +remote; for the simple reason--there is no one to marry. + +There are the young collegians who come down in reading parties; the +group of Bohemian artists, if the place be picturesque and not too far +from London; the curate; and the new doctor, fresh from the hospitals, +who has to make his practice out of the poorer and more outlying +_clientèle_ of the old and established practitioners of the place. But +collegians do not marry, and long engagements are proverbially +hazardous; Bohemian artists are even less likely than they to trouble +the surrogate; and the curate and the doctor can at the best marry +only one apiece of the many who are waiting. The family keeps neither +carriages nor horses, so that the longest tether to which life can be +carried, with the house for the stake, is simply the three or four +miles which the girls can walk out and back. And the visiting list is +necessarily comprised within this circle. There is then, absolutely +nothing to occupy nor to interest. The whole day is spent in playing +over old music, in needlework, in a little desultory reading, such as +is supplied by the local book society; all without other object than +that of passing the time. The girls have had nothing like a thorough +education in anything; they are not specially gifted, and what brains +they have are dormant and uncultivated. There is not even enough +housework to occupy their time, unless they were to send away the +servants. Besides, domestic work of an active kind is vulgar, and +gentlemen and gentlewomen do not allow their daughters to do it. They +may help in the housekeeping; which means merely giving out the week's +supplies on Monday and ordering the dinner on other days, and which is +not an hour's occupation in the week; and they can do a little amateur +spudding and raking among the flower-beds when the weather is fine, if +they care for the garden; and they can do a great deal of walking if +they are strong; and this is all that they can do. There they are, +four or five well-looking girls perhaps, of marriageable age, fairly +healthy and amiable, and with just so much active power as would carry +them creditably through any work that was given them to do, but with +not enough originative energy to make them create work for themselves +out of nothing. + +In their quiet uneventful sphere, with the circumscribed radius and +the short tether, it would be very difficult for any women but those +few who are gifted with unusual energy to create a sufficient human +interest; to ordinary young ladies it is impossible. They can but +make-believe, even if they try--and they don't try. They can but raise +up shadows which they would fain accept as living creatures if they +give themselves the trouble to evoke anything at all, and they don't +give themselves the trouble. They simply live on from day to day in a +state of mental somnolency--hopeless, _désoeuvrées_, inactive; just +drifting down the smooth slow current of time, with not a ripple nor +an eddy by the way. + +Quiet families in towns, people who keep no society and live in a +self-made desert apart though in the midst of the very vortex of life, +are alike in the matter of _désoeuvrement_; and we find exactly the +same history with them as we find with their country cousins, though +apparently their circumstances are so different. They cannot work and +they may not play; the utmost dissipation allowed them is to look at +the outside of things--to make one of the fringe of spectators lining +the streets and windows on a show day, and this but seldom; or to go +once or twice a year to the theatre or a concert. So they too just +lounge through their life, and pass from girlhood to old age in utter +_désoeuvrement_ and want of object. Year by year the lines about their +eyes deepen, their smile gets sadder, their cheeks grow paler; while +the cherished secret romance which even the dullest life contains gets +a colour of its own by age, and a firmness of outline by continual +dwelling on, which it had not in the beginning. Perhaps it was a dream +built on a tone, a look, a word--may be it was only a half-evolved +fancy without any basis whatever--but the imagination of the poor +_désoeuvrée_ has clung to the dream, and the uninteresting dullness of +her life has given it a mock vitality which real activity would have +destroyed. + +This want of healthy occupation is the cause of half the hysterical +reveries which it is a pretty flattery to call constancy and an +enduring regret; and we find it as absolutely as that heat follows +from flame, that the mischievous habit of bewailing an irrevocable +past is part of the _désoeuvrée_ condition in the present. People who +have real work to do cannot find time for unhealthy regrets, and +_désoeuvrement_ is the most fertile source of sentimentality to be +found. + +The _désoeuvrée_ woman of means and middle age, grown grey in her want +of purpose and suddenly taken out of her accustomed groove, is perhaps +more at sea than any others. She has been so long accustomed to the +daily flow of certain lines that she cannot break new ground and take +up with anything fresh, even if it be only a fresh way of being idle. +Her daughter is married; her husband is dead; her friend who was her +right hand and manager-in-chief has gone away; she is thrown on her +own resources, and her own resources will not carry her through. She +generally falls a prey to her maid, who tyrannizes over her, and a +phlegmatic kind of despair, which darkens the remainder of her life +without destroying it. She loses even her power of enjoyment, and gets +tired before the end of the rubber which is the sole amusement in +which she indulges. For _désoeuvrement_ has that fatal reflex action +which everything bad possesses, and its strength is in exact ratio +with its duration. + +Women of this class want taking in hand by the stronger and more +energetic. Many even of those who seem to do pretty well as +independent workers, men and women alike, would be all the better for +being farmed out; and _désoeuvrées_ women especially want extraneous +guidance, and to be set to such work as they can do, but cannot make. +An establishment which would utilize their faculties, such as they +are, and give them occupation in harmony with their powers, would be a +real salvation to many who would do better if they only knew how, and +would save them from stagnation and apathy. But society does not +recognize the existence of moral rickets, though the physical are +cared for; consequently it has not begun to provide for them as moral +rickets, and no Proudhon has yet managed to utilize the _désoeuvrés_ +members of the State. When they do find a place of retreat and +adventitious support, it is under another name. + +The retired man of business, utterly without object in his new +conditions, is another portrait that meets us in country places. He is +not fit for magisterial business; he cannot hunt nor shoot nor fish; +he has no literary tastes; he cannot create objects of interest for +himself foreign to the whole experience of his life. The idleness +which was so delicious when it was a brief season of rest in the midst +of his high-pressure work, and the country which was like Paradise +when seen in the summer only and at holiday time, make together just +so much blank dullness now that he has bound himself to the one and +fixed himself in the other. When he has spelt over every article in +the _Times_, pottered about his garden and his stables, and irritated +both gardener and groom by interfering in what he does not understand, +the day's work is at an end. He has nothing more to do but eat his +dinner and sip his wine, doze over the fire for a couple of hours, and +go to bed as the clock strikes ten. + +This is the reality of that long dream of retirement which has been +the golden vision of hope to many a man during the heat and burden of +the day. The dream is only a dream. Retirement means _désoeuvrement_; +leisure is tedium; rest is want of occupation truly, but want of +interest, want of object, want of purpose as well; and the prosperous +man of business, who has retired with a fortune and broken energies, +is bored to death with his prosperity, and wishes himself back to his +desk or his counter--back to business and something to do. He wonders, +on retrospection, what there was in his activity that was distasteful +to him; and thinks with regret that perhaps, on the whole, it is +better to wear out than to rust out; that _désoeuvrement_ is a worse +state than work at high pressure; and that life with a purpose is a +nobler thing than one which has nothing in it but idleness:--whereof +the main object is how best to get rid of time. + + + + +_THE SHRIEKING SISTERHOOD._ + + +We by no means put it forward as an original remark when we say that +Nature does her grandest works of construction in silence, and that +all great historical reforms have been brought about either by long +and quiet preparation, or by sudden and authoritative action. The +inference from which is, that no great good has ever been done by +shrieking; that much talking necessarily includes a good deal of +dilution; and that fuss is never an attribute of strength nor +coincident with concentration. Whenever there has been a very deep and +sincere desire on the part of a class or an individual to do a thing, +it has been done not talked about; where the desire is only +halfhearted, where the judgment or the conscience is not quite clear +as to the desirableness of the course proposed, where the chief +incentive is love of notoriety and not the intrinsic worth of the +action itself--personal _kudos_, and not the good of a cause nor the +advancement of humanity--then there has been talk; much talk; +hysterical excitement; a long and prolonged cackle; and heaven and +earth called to witness that an egg has been laid wherein lies the +germ of a future chick--after proper incubation. + +Necessarily there must be much verbal agitation if any measure is to +be carried the fulcrum of which is public opinion. If you have to stir +the dry bones you must prophesy to them in a loud voice, and not leave +off till they have begun to shake. Things which can only be known by +teaching must be spoken of, but things which have to be done are +always better done the less the fuss made about them; and the more +steadfast the action, the less noisy the agent. Purpose is apt to +exhale itself in protestations, and strength is sure to exhaust itself +by a flux of words. But at the present day what Mr. Carlyle called the +Silences are the least honoured of all the minor gods, and the babble +of small beginnings threatens to become intolerable. We all 'think +outside our brains,' and the result is not conducive to mental vigour. +It is as if we were to set a plant to grow with its heels in the air, +and then look for roots, flowers and fruit, by the process of +excitation and disclosure. + +One of our quarrels with the Advanced Women of our generation is the +hysterical parade they make about their wants and their intentions. It +never seems to occur to them that the best means of getting what they +want is to take it, when not forbidden by the law--to act, not to +talk; that all this running hither and thither over the face of the +earth, this feverish unrest and loud acclaim are but the dilution of +purpose through much speaking, and not the right way at all; and that +to hold their tongues and do would advance them by as many leagues as +babble puts them back. A small knot of women, 'terribly in earnest,' +could move multitudes by the silent force of example. One woman alone, +quietly taking her life in her own hands and working out the great +problem of self-help and independence practically, not merely stating +it theoretically, is worth a score of shrieking sisters frantically +calling on men and gods to see them make an effort to stand upright +without support, with interludes of reproach to men for the want of +help in their attempt. The silent woman who quietly calculates her +chances and measures her powers with her difficulties so as to avoid +the probability of a fiasco, and who therefore achieves a success +according to her endeavour, does more for the real emancipation of her +sex than any amount of pamphleteering, lecturing, or petitioning by +the shrieking sisterhood can do. Hers is deed not declamation; proof +not theory; and it carries with it the respect always accorded to +success. + +And really if we think of it dispassionately, and carefully dissect +the great mosaic of hindrances which women say makes up the pavement +of their lives, there is very little which they may not do if they +like--and can. They have already succeeded in reopening for themselves +the practice of medicine, for one thing; and this is an immense +opportunity if they know how to use it. A few pioneers, unhelped for +the most part, steadily and without shrieking, stormed the barricades +of the hospitals and dissecting-rooms; heroically bearing the shower +of hard-mouthed missiles with which they were pelted, and +successfully forcing their way notwithstanding. But the most +successful of them are those who held on with least excitement and who +strove more than they declaimed; while others, by constitution +belonging to the shrieking sisterhood, have comparatively failed, and +have mainly succeeded in making themselves ridiculous. After some +pressure but very little cackle--for here too the work was wanted, the +desire real, and the workers in earnest--female colleges on a liberal +and extended system of education have been established, and young +women have now an opportunity of showing what they can do in brain +work. + +It is no longer by the niggardliness of men and the fault of an +imperfect system if they prove intellectually inferior to the stronger +sex; they have their dynamometer set up for them, and all they have to +do is to register their relative strength--and abide the issue. All +commerce, outside the Stock Exchange, is open to them equally with +men; and there is nothing to prevent their becoming merchants, as they +are now petty traders, or setting up as bill-brokers, commission +agents, or even bankers--which last profession, according to a +contemporary, they have actually adopted in New York, some ladies +there having established a bank, which, so far as they have yet gone, +they are said to conduct with deftness and ready arithmetic. + +In literature they have competitors in men, but no monopolists. +Indeed, they themselves have become almost the monopolists of the +whole section of light literature and fiction; while nothing but +absolute physical and mental incapacity prevents their taking the +charge of a journal, and working it with female editor, sub-editor, +manager, reporters, compositors, and even news-girls to sell the +second edition at omnibus doors and railway stations. If a set of +women chose to establish a newspaper and work it amongst themselves, +no law could be brought to bear against them; and if they made it as +philosophical as some, or as gushing as others, they might enter into +a formidable rivalry with the old-established. They would have a fair +hearing, or rather reading; they would not be 'nursed' nor hustled, +and they would get just as much success as they deserved. To be sure, +they do not yet sit on the Bench nor plead at the Bar. They are not in +Parliament, and they are not even voters; while, as married women with +unfriendly husbands and no protection-order, they have something to +complain of, and wrongs which are in a fair way of being righted if +the shrieking sisterhood does not frighten the world prematurely. But, +despite these restrictions, they have a very wide circle wherein they +can display their power, and witch the world with noble deeds, if they +choose--and as some have chosen. + +Of the representative 'working-women' in England, we find none who +have shrieked on platforms nor made an hysterical parade of their +work. Quietly, and with the dignity which comes by self-respect and +the consciousness of strength, they have done what it was in their +hearts to do; leaving the world to find out the value of their +labours, and to applaud or deride their independence. Mrs. Somerville +asked no man's leave to study science and make herself a distinguished +name as the result; nor did she find the need of any more special +organization than what the best books, a free press and first-rate +available teaching offered. Miss Martineau dived with more or less +success into the forbidding depths of the 'dismal science,' at a time +when political economy was shirked by men and considered as +essentially unfeminine as top-boots and tobacco; and she was +confessedly an advanced Liberal when to be a high Tory was part of the +whole duty of woman. Miss Nightingale undertook the care of wounded +soldiers without any more publicity than was absolutely necessary for +the organization of her staff, and with not so much as one shriek. +Rosa Bonheur laughed at those who told her that animal painting was +unwomanly, and that she had better restrict herself to flowers and +heads, as became the _jeune demoiselle_ of conventional life; but she +did not publish her programme of independence, nor take the world into +her confidence and tell them of her difficulties and defiance. The +Lady Superintendents of our own various sisterhoods have organized +their communities and performed their works of charity with very faint +blare of trumpets indeed; and we might enumerate many more who have +quietly lived the life of action and independence of which others +have only raved, and who have done while their sisters shrieked. These +are the women to be respected, whether we sympathize with their line +of action or not; having shown themselves to be true workers, capable +of sustained effort, and therefore worthy of the honour which belongs +to strength and endurance. + +Of one thing women may be very sure, though they invariably deny it; +the world is glad to take good work from any one who will supply it. +The most certain patent of success is to deserve it; and if women will +prove that they can do the world's work as well as men, they will +share with them in the labour and the reward; and if they do it better +they will distance them. The appropriation of fields of labour is not +so much a question of selfishness as of (hitherto) proved fitness; but +if, in times to come, women can show better harvesting than men, can +turn out more finished, more perfected, results of any kind, the +world's custom will flow to them by the force of natural law, and they +will have the most to do of that which they can do the best. If they +wish to educate public opinion to accept them as equals with men, they +can only do so by demonstration, not by shrieks. Even men, who are +supposed to inherit the earth and to possess all the good things of +life, have to do the same thing. + +Every young man yet untried is only in the position of every woman; +and, granting that he has not the deadweight of precedent and +prejudice against him, he yet has to win his spurs before he can wear +them. But women want theirs given to them without winning; and +moreover, ask to be taught how to wear them when they have got them. +They want to be received as masters before they have served their +apprenticeship, and to be put into office without passing an +examination or submitting to competition. They scream out for a clear +stage and favour superadded; and they ask men to shackle their own +feet, like Lightfoot in the fairy tale, that they may then be +handicapped to a more equal running. They do not remember that their +very demand for help vitiates their claim to equality; and that if +they were what they assume to be, they would simply take without leave +asked or given, and work out their own social salvation by the +irrepressible force of a concentrated will and in the silence of +conscious strength. + +While the shrieking sisterhood remains to the front, the world will +stop its ears; and for every hysterical advocate 'the cause' loses a +rational adherent and gains a disgusted opponent. It is our very +desire to see women happy, noble, fitly employed and well remunerated +for such work as they can do, which makes us so indignant with the +foolish among them who obscure the question they pretend to elucidate, +and put back the cause which they say they advance. The earnest and +practical workers among women are a very different class from the +shriekers; but we wish the world could dissociate them more clearly +than it does at present, and discriminate between them, both in its +censure and its praise. + + + + +_OTHERWISE-MINDED._ + + +Every now and then we receive from America a word or a phrase which +enriches the language without vulgarizing it--something, both +more subtle and more comprehensive than our own equivalent, +which we recognize at once as the better thing of the two. Thus +'otherwise-minded,' which some American writers use with such quaint +force, is quite beyond our old 'contradictious' expressing the full +meaning of contradictious and adding a great deal more. But if we have +not hitherto had the word we have the thing, which is more to the +purpose; and foremost among the powers which rule the world may be +placed 'otherwise-mindedness' in its various phases of active +opposition and passive immobility--the contradictiousness which must +fight on all points and which will not assent to any. At home, +otherwise-mindedness is an engine of tremendous power, ranking next to +sulks and tears in the defensive armoury of women; while men for the +most part use it in a more aggressive sense, and seldom content +themselves with the passive quietude of mere inertness. + +An otherwise-minded person, if a man, is almost always a tyrant and a +bully, with decided opinions as to his right of making all about him +dance to his piping--his piping never giving one of their own +measures. If a woman, she is probably a superior being subjected to +domestic martyrdom while intended by nature for a higher intellectual +life,--doomed to the drudgery of housekeeping while yearning for the +æsthetic and panting after the ideal. She is generally dignified in +her bearing and of a cold, unappeasable discontent. She neither scolds +nor wrangles, though sometimes, no rule being without its exception, +she is peevish and captious and degenerates into the commonplace of +the _Naggleton_ type. But in the main she bounds herself to the +expression of her otherwise-mindedness in a stately if dogged manner, +and shows a serene disdain for her opponents, which is a trifle more +offensive than her undisguised satisfaction with herself. Nothing can +move her, nothing beat her off her holding; but then she offers no +points of attack. She is what she is on principle; and what can you +say to an opposition dictated by motives all out of reach of your own +miserable little groundling ideas? Where you advocate expediency, she +maintains abstract principles; if you are lenient to weaknesses, she +is stern to sin; if you would legislate for human nature as it is, she +will have nothing less than the standard of perfection; and when you +speak of the absolutism of facts, she argues on the necessity of +keeping the ideal intact, no matter whether any one was ever known to +attain to it or not. But if she finds herself in different company +from your own looser kind--say with Puritans of a strongly ascetic +caste--then she veers round to the other side, on the ground of +fairness; and for the benefit of fanatics propounds a slip-shod +easygoing morality which shuffles beyond your own lines. This she +calls keeping out of extremes and discouraging exaggeration. This +latter manifestation however, is not very frequently the case with +women: the otherwise-minded among them being almost always of the +rigid and ascetic class who despise the pleasant little vanities, the +graceful frivolities, the loveable frailties which make life easy and +humanity delightful, and who take their stand on the loftiest, the +most unelastic, not to say the grimmest, ethics. They have had it +borne in on them that they are to defy Baal and withstand; +consequently they do defy him, and they do withstand, at all four +corners stoutly. + +To be otherwise-minded naturally implies having a mind; and of what +use is intellect if it cannot see all through and round a subject, and +pick the weak places into holes? Hence the otherwise-minded are +uncompromising critics and terrible fellows at scenting their prey. As +is the function of certain creatures--vultures, crows, flies, and +others--so is that of these children of Zoilus when dealing with +subjects not understood, or only guessed at with more or less +blundering in the process. + +Take one of the class at a lecture on the higher branches of a science +of which he has not so much as thoroughly mastered the roots, and +wherein this higher analysis offers certain new and perhaps startling +results. It would seem that the sole thing possible to him who is +ignorant of the matter in hand is to listen and believe; but your +otherwise-minded critic is not content with the tame modesty of +humbleness. What if the subject be over his head, cannot he crane his +neck and look? has he not common-sense to guide him? and may he not +criticize in the block what he cannot dissect in detail? At the least +he can look grave, and say something about the danger of a little +knowledge; and fallen man's dangerous pride of intellect; and his +absolute and eternal ignorance; and the lecturer not making his +meaning clear--as how should he when he probably does not understand +his own subject nor what he wanted to say?--and what becomes of +accepted truths if such things are to be received? Be sure of this, +that otherwise-mindedness must sling its stone, whether it knows +exactly what it is aiming at or not. It not unfrequently happens that +the stone is after the pattern of a boomerang, and comes back on the +slinger's own pate with sounding effect, convicting him of ignorance +if of nothing worse, and a love of opposition so great that it +destroys both his power of perceiving truth and the sense of his own +incapacity. + +But the otherwise-minded is nothing if not superior to his company; +and truth is after all relative as well as multiform, and needs +continual nice adjustment to make it balance fairly. The great +representative assembly of humanity must have its independent members +below the gangway who vote with no party; and if we were all on the +right side the devil's advocate would have no work to do; so that even +otherwise-mindedness on the wrong side has its uses, and must not be +wholly condemned. For the world would fare badly without its natural +borers and hole-pickers, its finders-out of weak places, its stone +walls to resist assertion and advance; and ants and worms make good +mould for garden flowers. + +The constitutionally otherwise-minded are the worst partizans in the +world and never take up a cause heartily--never with more than one +hand, that they may leave the other free for a bit of intellectual +prestidigitation if need be, when their audience changes its character +and complexion. The only time when they are devoted adherents is if +their own family is decidedly in the opposite ranks, when they come +out from among them with scrip and spear, and go over to the enemy +without failing a single button of the uniform. This is specially true +of young people and of women; both of whom call their natural love of +opposition by the name of religious principle or moral duty. Youths +just fresh from the schools, bent on the regeneration of mankind and +thinking that they can do in a few years what society has been +painfully labouring to accomplish ever since the first savage clubbed +his neighbour for stealing his hoard of roots or carrying off his own +private squaw, are sure to be intensely otherwise-minded and to +understand nothing of harmonious working with the old plant. Red +Republicans under the family flag of purple and orange; free-thinkers +in the church where the paternal High and Dry holds forth on Sundays +on the principle of the divine inspiration of the English translation +bound in calf and lettered _cum privilegio_; Romanists worshipping +saints and relics in the very heart of the Peculiar People who put no +trust in man nor works--we know them all; ardent, enthusiastic, +uncompromising and horribly aggressive; with the down just shading +their smooth young chins, and the great book of human life barely +turned at the page of adolescence. Yet this is a form of +otherwise-mindedness which, though we laugh at and are often annoyed +by it, we must treat gently on the whole. We cannot be cruel to a +fervour, even when insolently expressed, which we know the world will +tame so soon, and which at the worst is often better than the dead +level of conformity; even though its zeal is not unmixed with conceit, +and a burning desire for the world's good is not free from a few +slumbering embers of self-laudation and the 'last infirmity.' + +In a house inhabited by the otherwise-minded--and one member of a +family is enough to set the whole ruck awry--nothing is allowed to go +smoothly or by default; nothing can be done without endless +discussion; and all the well-oiled casters of compromise, good-nature, +'it does not signify,' &c., by which life runs easily in most places +are rusted or broken. At table there is an incessant cross-fire of +objections and of arguments, more or less intemperately conducted and +never coming to a satisfactory conclusion. There are so many places +too, which have been rubbed sore by this perpetual chafing, that a +stranger to the secrets of the domestic pathology is kept not only in +a fever of annoyance, but in an ague of dread, at the temper shown +about trifles, and the deadly offence that seems to lurk behind quite +ordinary topics of conversation. Not knowing all that has gone before, +he is not prepared for the present uncomfortable aspect of things, and +in fact is like a boy reading algebra, understanding nothing of what +he sees, though the symbolizing letters are familiar enough to him. +The family quarrel about everything; and when they do not quarrel they +argue. If one wants to do something that must be done in concert, the +others would die rather than unite; and days, seasons and wishes can +never be got to work themselves into harmonious coalition. When they +are out 'enjoying themselves'--language is arbitrary and the sense of +words not always clear--they cannot agree on anything; and you may +hear them fire off scornful squibs of otherwise-mindedness across the +rows of prize flowers or in the intervals of one of Beethoven's +sonatas. And if they cannot find cause for disagreement on the merits +of the subject before them, they find it in each other. For +otherwise-mindedness is like the ragged little princess in the German +fairy tale, who proved her royal blood by being unable to sleep on the +top of seven feather-beds--German feather-beds--beneath all of which +one single bean had been placed as the test of her sensibility. Give +it but the chance of a scuffle, the ghost of a coat-tail to tread on, +an imaginary chicken-bone among the down, and you may be sure that the +opportunity will not be lost. When we are on the look-out for beans we +shall find them beneath even seven feather-beds; and when shillelahs +abound there will never be wanting the trail of a coat-tail across the +path. So we find when we have to do with the otherwise-minded who will +not take things pleasantly, and can never be got to see either beauty +or value in their surroundings. Let one of these have a saint for a +wife, and he will tell you saints are bores and sinners the only +house-mates to be desired. Let him change his state, and this time +pick up the sinner in longing for whom he has so often vexed the poor +saint's soul, and he will find domestic happiness to consist in the +companionship of a seraph of the most exalted kind. If he has Zenobia, +he wants Griselda; if Semiramis, King Cophetua's beggar-maid. The dear +departed, who was such a millstone in times past, becomes the emblem +of all that is lovely in humanity when a shaft has to be thrown at the +partner of times present; and the marriage that was notoriously +ill-assorted is painted in gold and rose-colour throughout, and its +discords are mended up into a full score of harmony when the new wife +or the new husband has to be snubbed, for no other reason than the +otherwise-mindedness which cannot agree with what it has. + +Children and servants come in for their share of this uncomfortable +temper which reverses the old adage about the absent, and which, so +far from making these in the wrong, transfers the burden of blame to +those present and conveniently forgets its former litany of complaint. +No one would be more surprised than those very absent if they heard +themselves upheld as possessors of all possible virtues when, +according to their memory, they had been little better than +concretions of wickedness and folly in the days of their subjection to +criticism. They need not flatter themselves. Could they return, or if +they do return, to the old place, they will be sure to return to the +old conditions; and the praise lavished on them when they are absent, +by way of rebuke to those unlucky ones on the spot, will be changed +for their benefit into the blame and the rebuke familiar to them. In +fact no circumstances whatever touch the central quality of the +otherwise-minded. They must have something to bite, to grumble at, to +rearrange, at least in wish, if not in deed. If only they had been +consulted, nothing would have gone wrong that has gone wrong; and 'I +told you so' is the shibboleth of their order. It is gall and wormwood +to them when they are obliged to agree, and when, for very decency's +sake, they must praise what indeed offers no points to condemn. But +even when they get caught in the trap of unanimity they contrive to +say something quite unnecessary about evils which no one was thinking +of, and which have nothing to do with the case in point. 'But' is +their mystic word, their truncated form of the Tetragrammaton which +rules the universe; and whatever their special private denomination, +they all belong in bulk to the + + Sect whose chief devotion lies + In odd perverse antipathies; + In falling out with that or this, + And finding somewhat still amiss. + + + + +_LIMP PEOPLE._ + + +Vice is bad and malignant wickedness is worse, but beyond either in +evil results to mankind is weakness; which indeed is the pabulum by +which vice is fed and the agent by which malignity works. If every one +in this world had a backbone, there would not be so much misery nor +guilt as there is now; for we must give each individual of the 'cruel +strong' a large following of weaker victims; and it would be easy to +demonstrate that the progress of nations has always been in proportion +to the number of stiff backbones among them. Yet unfortunately limp +people abound, to the detriment of society and to their own certain +sorrow; molluscs, predestined to be the food of the stronger, with no +power of self-defence nor of self-support, but having to be protected +against outside dangers if they are to be preserved at all;--and +perhaps when you have done all that you can do, not safe even then, +and most likely not worth the trouble taken about them. Open the gates +for but a moment, and they are swept up by the first passer-by. Let +them loose from your own sustaining hand, and they fall abroad in a +mass of flabby helplessness, unable to work, to resist, to +retain--mere heaps of moral protoplasm, pitiable as well as +contemptible; perhaps pitiable because so contemptible. See one of +these poor creatures left a widow, if a woman--turned out of his +office, if a man--and then judge of the value of a backbone by the +miserable consequences of its absence. The widow is simply lost in the +wilderness of her domestic solitude, as much so as would be a child if +set in the midst of a pathless moor with no one to guide him to the +safe highway. She may have money and she may have relations, but she +is as poor as if she had nothing better than parish relief; and unless +some one will take her up and manage everything for her +conscientiously, she is as lonely as if she were an exile in a strange +land. She has been so long used to lean on the stronger arm of her +husband, that she cannot stand upright now that her support has been +taken from her. Her servants make her their prey; her children +tyrannize over her and ignore her authority; her boys go to the bad; +her girls get fast and loud; all her own meek little ideas of modesty +and virtue are rudely thrust to the wall; and she is obliged to submit +to a family disorder which she neither likes nor encourages, but which +she has not the strength to oppose nor the wisdom to direct. She may +be the incarnation of all saintly qualities in her own person, but by +mere want of strength she is the occasion by which a very pandemonium +is possible; and the worst house of a community is sure to be that of +a quiet, gentle, molluscous little widow, without one single vicious +proclivity but without the power to repress or even to rebuke vice in +others. + +A molluscous man too, suddenly ejected from his long-accustomed +groove, where, like a toad embedded in the rock, he had made his niche +exactly fitting to his own shape, presents just as wretched a picture +of helplessness and unshiftiness. In vain his friends suggest this or +that independent endeavour; he shakes his head, and says he can't--it +won't do. What he wants is a place where he is not obliged to depend +on himself; where he has to do a fixed amount of work for a fixed +amount of salary; and where his fibreless plasticity may find a mould +ready formed, into which it may run without the necessity of forging +shapes for itself. Many a man of respectable intellectual powers has +gone down into ruin, and died miserably, because of this limpness +which made it impossible for him to break new ground or to work at +anything whatsoever with the stimulus of hope only. He must be +bolstered up by certainty, supported by the walls of his groove, else +he can do nothing; and if he cannot get into this friendly groove, he +lets himself drift into destruction. + +In no manner are limp people to be depended on; their very central +quality being fluidity, which is a bad thing to rest on. Take them in +their family quarrels--and they are always quarrelling among +themselves--you think they must have broken with each other for ever; +that surely they can never forget or forgive all the insolent +expressions, the hard words, the full-flavoured epithets which they +have flung at one another; but the next time you meet them they are +quite good friends again, and going on in the old fluid way as if no +fiery storms had lately troubled the domestic horizon. Perhaps they +have induced you to take sides; if so, you may look out, for you are +certain to be thrown over and to have the enmity of both parties +instead of only one. They are much given to this kind of thing, and +fond of making pellets for you to shoot; when, after the shot, they +disclaim and disown you. They speak against each other furiously, tell +you all the family secrets and make them worse and greater than they +really are. If you are credulous for your own part you take them +literally; and if highly moral, you probably act on their accusations +in a spirit of rhadamanthine justice, and the absolute need of +rewarding sin according to its sinfulness. Beware; their accusations +are baseless as the wind, and acting on them will lead to your certain +discomfiture. The only safe way with limp people is never to believe +what they say; or, if you are forced to believe, never to translate +your faith into deeds nor even words; never to commit yourself to +partizanship in any form whatever. They do not intend it, in all +probability, but by very force of their weakness limp people are +almost invariably untruthful and treacherous. By the force too, of +this same weakness, they are incapable of anything like true +friendship, and in fact make the most dangerous friends to be found. +They are so plastic that they take the shape of every hand which holds +them; and if you do not know them well, you may be deceived by their +softness of touch, and think them sympathetic because they are fluid. +They leave you full of promises to hold all you have told them sacred, +and before an hour is out they have repeated to your greatest enemy +every word you have said. They had not the faintest intention of doing +so when they left you, but they 'slop about,' as the Americans say; +and sloppy folk cannot hold secrets. The traitors of life are the +limp, much more than the wicked--people who let things be wormed out +of them rather than intentionally betray them. They repent likely +enough; Judas hanged himself; but of what good is their repentance +when the mischief is done? Not all the tears in the world can put out +the fire when once lighted, and to hang oneself because one has +betrayed another will make no difference save in the number of victims +which one's own weakness has created. + +Limp men are invariably under petticoat government, and it all depends +on chance and the run of circumstance whose petticoat is dominant. The +mother's, for a long period; then the sisters'. If the wife's, there +is sure to be war in the camp belonging to the invertebrate commander; +for such a man creates infinitely more jealousy among his womankind +than the most discursive and the most unjust. He is a power, not to +act, but to be used; and the woman who can hold him with the firmest +grasp has necessarily the largest share of good things belonging. She +can close or draw his purse-strings at pleasure. She can use his name +and mask herself behind his authority at pleasure. He is the undying +Jorkins who is never without a Spenlow to set him well up in front; +and we can scarcely wonder that the various female Spenlows who shoot +with his bow and manipulate his circumstances are jealous of each +other to a frantic pitch--regarding his limpness, as they do, as so +much raw material from which they can spin out their own strength. + +As the mollusc has to become the prey of some one, the question simply +resolves itself into whose? the new wife's or the old sisters'? Who +shall govern, sitting on his shoulders? and to whom shall he be +assigned captive? He generally inclines to his wife, if she is younger +than he and has a backbone of her own; and you may see a limp man of +this kind, with a fringe of old-rooted female epiphytes, gradually +drop one after another of the ancient stock, till at last his wife and +her relations take up all the space and are the only ones he supports. +His own kith and kin go bare while he clothes her and hers in purple +and fine linen; and the fatted calves in his stalls are liberally +slain for the prodigals on her side of the house, while the dutiful +sons on his own get nothing better than the husks. + +Another characteristic of limp people is their curious ingratitude. +Give them nine-tenths of your substance, and they will turn against +you if you refuse them the remaining tenth. Lend them all the money +you can spare, and lend in utter hopelessness of any future day of +reckoning, but refrain once for your own imperative needs, and they +will leave your house open-mouthed at your stinginess. To be grateful +implies some kind of retentive faculty; and this is just what the limp +have not. Another characteristic of a different kind is the rashness +with which they throw themselves into circumstances which they +afterwards find they cannot bear. They never know how to calculate +their forces, and spend the latter half of their life in regretting +what they had spent the former half in endeavouring to attain, or to +get rid of, as it might chance. If they marry A. they wish they had +taken B. instead; as house-mistresses they turn away their servants at +short notice after long complaint, and then beg them to remain if by +any means they can bribe them to stay. They know nothing of that clear +incisive action which sets men and women at ease with themselves, and +enables them to bear consequences, be they good or ill, with dignity +and resignation. + +A limp backboneless creature always falls foul of conditions, whatever +they may be; thinking the right side better than the left, and the +left so much nicer than the right, according to its own place of +standing for the moment; and what heads plan and hands execute, lips +are never weary of bemoaning. In fact the limp, like fretful babies, +do not know what they want, being unconscious that the whole mischief +lies in their having a vertebral column of gristle instead of one of +bone. They spread themselves abroad and take the world into their +confidence--weep in public and rave in private--and cry aloud to the +priest and the Levite passing by on the other side (maybe heavily +laden for their own share) to come over and help them, poor sprawling +molluscs, when no man but themselves can set them upright. + +The confidences of the limp are told through a trumpet to all four +corners of the sky, and are as easy to get at, with the very gentlest +pressure, as the juice of an over-ripe grape. And no lessons of +experience will ever teach them reticence, or caution in their choice +of confidants. + +Not difficult to press into the service of any cause whatever, they +are the very curse of all causes which they assume to serve. They +collapse at the first touch of persecution, of misunderstanding, of +harsh judgment, and fall abroad in hopeless panic at the mere tread of +the coming foe. Always convinced by the last speaker, facile to catch +and impossible to hold, they are the prizes, the decoy ducks, for +which contending parties fight, perpetually oscillating between the +maintenance of old abuses and the advocacy of dangerous reforms; but +the side to which they have pledged themselves on Monday they forsake +on Tuesday under the plea of reconversion. Neither can they carry out +any design of their own, if their friends take it in hand to +over-persuade them. + +If a man of this stamp has painted a picture he can be induced to +change the whole key, the central circumstance and the principal +figure, at the suggestion of a confident critic who is only a pupil in +the art of which he is, at least technically, a master. If he is +preaching or lecturing, he thinks more of the people he is addressing +than of what he has to say; and, though impelled at times to use the +scalping-knife, hopes he doesn't wound. Vehement advocates at times, +these men's enthusiasm is merely temporary, and burns itself out by +its own energy of expression; and how fierce soever their aspect when +they ruffle their feathers and make believe to fight, one vigorous +peck from their opponent proves their anatomy as that of a creature +without vertebræ, pulpy, gristly, gelatinous, and limp. All things +have their uses and good issues; but what portion of the general good +the limp are designed to subserve is one of those mysteries not to be +revealed in time nor space. + + + + +_THE ART OF RETICENCE._ + + +Among other classifications we may divide the world into those who +live by impulse and the undirected flow of circumstance, and those who +map out their lives according to art and a definite design. These last +however, are rare; few people having capacity enough to construct any +persistent plan of life or to carry it through if even begun--it being +so much easier to follow nature than to work by rule and square, and +to drift with the stream than to build up even a beaver's dam. Now, in +the matter of reticence;--How few people understand this as an art, +and how almost entirely it is by the mere chance of temperament +whether a person is confidential or reticent--with his heart on his +sleeve or not to be got at by a pickaxe--irritatingly silent or +contemptibly loquacious. Sometimes indeed we do find one who, like +Talleyrand, has mastered the art of an eloquent reticence from alpha +to omega, and knows how to conceal everything without showing that he +conceals anything; but we find such a person very seldom, and we do +not always understand his value when we have him. + +Any one not a born fool can resolve to keep silence on certain points, +but it takes a master-mind to be able to talk, and yet not tell. +Silence indeed, self-evident and without disguise, though a safe +method, is but a clumsy one, and to be tolerated only in very timid or +very young people. "Le silence est le parti plus sûr pour celui qui se +défie de soi-même," says Rochefoucauld. So is total abstinence for him +who cannot control himself. Yet we do not preach total abstinence as +the best order of life for a wise and disciplined person, any more +than we would put strong ankles into leg-irons, or forbid a rational +man to handle a sword. Besides, silence may be as expressive, as +tell-tale even, as speech; and at the best there is no science in +shutting one's lips and sitting mute; though indeed too few people +have got even so far as this in the art of reticence, but tell +everything they know so surely as water flows through a sieve, and are +safe just in proportion to their ignorance. + +But there is art, the most consummate art, in appearing absolutely +frank, yet never telling anything which it is not wished should be +known; in being pleasantly chatty and conversational, yet never +committing oneself to a statement nor an opinion which might be used +against one afterwards--_ars celare artem_ being a true maxim in +keeping one's own counsel as well as in other things. It is only after +a long acquaintance with this kind of person that you find out he has +been substantially reticent throughout, though apparently so frank. +Caught by his easy manner, his genial talk, his ready sympathy, you +have confided to him not only all that you have of your own, but all +that you have of other people's; and it is only long after, when you +reflect quietly, undisturbed by the magnetism of his presence, that +you come to the knowledge of how reticent he has been in the midst of +his seeming frankness, and how little reciprocity there has been in +your confidences together. You know such people for years, and you +never really know more of them at the end than you did in the +beginning. You cannot lay your finger on a fact that would in any way +place them in your power; and though you did not notice it at the +time, and do not know how it has been done now, you feel that they +have never trusted you, and have all along carefully avoided anything +like confidence. But you are at their mercy by your own rashness, and +if they do not destroy you it is because they are reticent for you as +well as towards you; perhaps because they are good-natured; perhaps +because they despise you for your very frankness too much to hurt you; +but above all things not because they are unable. How you hate them +when you think of the skill with which they took all that was offered +to them, yet never let you see they gave back nothing for their own +part--rather by the jugglery of manner made you believe that they were +giving back as much as they were receiving! Perhaps it was a little +ungenerous; but they had the right to argue that if you could not +keep your own counsel you would not be likely to keep theirs, and it +was only kind at the time to let you hoodwink yourself so that you +might not be offended. + +In manner genial, frank, conversational, sympathetic--in substance +absolutely secret, cautious, never taken off their guard, never +seduced into dangerous confidences, as careful for their friends as +they are for themselves, and careful even for strangers unknown to +them--these people are the salvation as they are the charm of society; +never making mischief, and, by their habitual reticence, raising up +barriers at which gossip halts and rumour dies. No slander is ever +traced to them, and what they know is as though it were not. Yet they +do not make the clumsy mistake of letting you see that they are better +informed than yourself on certain subjects, and know more about the +current scandals of the day than they choose to reveal. On the +contrary, they listen to your crude mistakes with a highly edified +air, and leave you elated with the idea that you have let them behind +the scenes and told them more than they knew before. If only they had +spoken, your elation would not have been very long-lived. + +Of all personal qualities this art of reticence is the most important +and most valuable for a professional man to possess. Lawyer or +physician, he must be able to hold all and hear all without betraying +by word or look--by injudicious defence no more than by overt +treachery--by anger at a malicious accusation no more than by a smile +at an egregious mistake. His business is to be reticent, not +exculpatory; to maintain silence, not set up a defence nor yet +proclaim the truth. To do this well requires a rare combination of +good qualities--among which are tact and self-respect in about equal +amount--self-command and the power of hitting that fine line which +marks off reticence from deception. No man was ever thoroughly +successful as either a lawyer or physician who did not possess this +combination; and with it even a modest amount of technical skill can +be made to go a long way. + +Valuable in society, at home the reticent are so many forms of living +death. Eyes have they and see not; ears and hear not; and the faculty +of speech seems to have been given them in vain. They go out and they +come home, and they tell you nothing of all they have seen. They have +heard all sorts of news and seen no end of pleasant things, but they +come down to breakfast the next morning as mute as fishes, and if you +want it you must dig out your own information bit by bit by +sequential, categorical questioning. Not that they are surly nor +ill-natured; they are only reticent. They are really disastrous to +those who are associated with them, and make the worst partners in the +world in business or marriage; for you never know what is going on, +nor where you are, and you must be content to walk blindfold if you +walk with them. They tell you nothing beyond what they are obliged to +tell; take you into no confidence; never consult you; never arrest +their own action for your concurrence; and the consequence is that you +live with them in the dark, for ever afraid of looming catastrophes, +and more like a captive bound to the car of their fortunes than like +the coadjutor with a voice in the manner of the driving and the right +to assist in the direction of the journey. This is the reticence of +temperament, and we see it in children from quite an early age--those +children who are trusted by the servants, and are their favourites in +consequence, because they tell no tales; but it is a disposition that +may become dangerous unless watched, and that is always liable to +degenerate into falsehood. For reticence is just on the boundary of +deception, and it needs but a very little step to take one over the +border. + +That obtrusive kind of reticence which parades itself--which makes +mysteries and lets you see there are mysteries--which keeps silence +and flaunts it in your face as an intentional silence brooding over +things you are not worthy to know--that silence which is as loud as +words, is one of the most irritating things in the world and can be +made one of the most insulting. If words are sharp arrows, this kind +of dumbness is paralysis, and all the worse to bear because it puts it +out of your power to complain. You cannot bring into court a list of +looks and shrugs, nor make it a grievance that a man held his tongue +while you raved, and to all appearance kept his temper when you lost +yours. Yet all of us who have had any experience that way know that +his holding his tongue was the very reason why you raved, and that if +he had spoken for his own share the worst of the tempest would have +been allayed. This is a common manner of tormenting with reticent +people who have a moral twist; and to fling stones at you from behind +the shield of silence by which they have sheltered themselves is a +pastime that hurts only one of the combatants. Reticence, though at +times one of the greatest social virtues we possess, is also at times +one of the most disastrous personal conditions. + +Half our modern novels turn on the misery brought about by mistaken +reticence; and though novelists generally exaggerate the circumstances +they deal with, they are not wrong in their facts. If the waters of +strife have been let loose because of many words, there have been +broken hearts before now because of none. Old proverbs, to be sure, +inculcate the value of reticence, and the wisdom of keeping one's own +counsel. If speech is silvern, silence is golden, in popular +philosophy; and the youth is ever enjoined to be like the wise man, +and keep himself free from the peril of words. Yet for all that, next +to truth, on which society rests, mutual knowledge is the best working +virtue, and a state of reticent distrust is more prudent than noble. + +Many people think it a fine thing to live with their most intimate +friends as if they would one day become their enemies, and never let +even their deepest affections strike root so far down as confidence. +They rearrange La Bruyère's famous maxim, 'L'on peut avoir la +confiance de quelqu'un sans en avoir le coeur,' and take it quite the +contrary way; but perhaps the heart which gives itself, divorced from +confidence, is not worth accepting; and reticence where there is love +sounds almost a contradiction in terms. Indeed, the certainty of +unlimited confidences where there is love is one of the strongest of +all the arguments in favour of general reticence. For in nine cases +out of ten you tell your secrets and open your heart, not only to your +friend, but to your friend's wife, or husband, or lover; and +secondhand confidence is rarely held sacred if it can be betrayed with +impunity. + +By an apparent contradiction, reticent people who tell nothing are +often the most charming letter-writers. Full of chit-chat, of +descriptions dashed off with a warm and flowing pen, giving all the +latest news well authenticated and not scandalous, and breathing just +the right amount of affection according to the circumstances of the +correspondents--a naturally eloquent person who has cultivated the art +of reticence writes letters unequalled for charm of manner. The first +impression of them is superb, enchanting, enthralling, like the +bouquet of old wine; but, on reconsideration, what have they said? +Absolutely nothing. This charming letter, apparently so full of +matter, is an answer to a great, good, honest outpour wherein you laid +bare that foolish heart of yours and delivered up your soul for +anatomical examination; and you looked for a reply based on the same +lines. At first delighted, you are soon chilled and depressed by such +a return, and you feel that you have made a fool of yourself, and that +your correspondent is laughing in his sleeve at your insane propensity +to gush. So must it be till that good time comes when man shall have +no need to defend himself against his fellows; when confidence shall +not bring sorrow nor trust betrayal; and when the art of reticence +shall be as obsolete as the art of fence, or the Socratic method. + + + + +_MEN'S FAVOURITES._ + + +We often hear women speak with a certain curious disdain of one of +themselves as a 'gentlemen's favourite;' generally adding that +gentlemen's favourites are never liked by their own sex, and giving +you to understand that they are minxes rather than otherwise, and +objectionable in proportion to their attractiveness. They never can +understand why they should be so attractive, they say; and hold it as +one of the unfathomable mysteries of men's bad taste--the girls to +whom no man addresses half a dozen words in the course of the evening +being far prettier and nicer than the favourite with whom everybody is +talking, and for whom all men are contending. Yet see how utterly they +are neglected, while she is surrounded with admirers. But then she is +an artful little flirt, they say, who lays herself out to attract, +while the others are content to stay quietly in the shade until they +are sought. And they speak as if to attract men's admiration was a +sin, and not one of the final causes of woman as well as one of her +chief social duties. + +There is always war between the women who are gentlemen's favourites +and those who are not; and if the last dislike the first, the first +despise the last, and go out of their way to provoke them; a thing not +difficult to do when a woman gives her mind to it. A gentlemen's +favourite is generally attacked on the score of her morality, not to +speak of her manners, which are pronounced as bad as they can be; +while, how pretty soever men may think her, her own sex decry her, and +pick her to pieces with such effect that they do not leave her a +single charm. She is assumed to be incapable of anything like real +earnestness of feeling; of anything like true womanliness of +sentiment; to be ignorant of the higher rules of modesty; to be fast +or sly, according to her speciality of style; and if you listen to her +dissector you will find in time that she has every fault incidental to +a frail humanity, while her noblest virtue is in all probability a +'kind of good nature' which does not count for much. In return, the +favourite sneers at the wallflower, whom she calls stupid and +spiteful, and whom she rejoices to annoy by the excess of her +popularity; nothing pleasing her so much as to make herself look worse +than she is in the way of men's liking--except it be to carry off the +one tup lamb belonging to a wallflower, and brand him as of her own +multitudinous herd. The quarrel is a deadly one as regards the +combatants, but it has very little effect on the 'ring;' for, +notwithstanding the faults and frailties of which they hear so much, +the men flock round the one and make her the public favourite of the +set. But, as the valid result, probably the prize match of the circle +chooses a stupid wallflower for life; and the favourite who has +ridiculed the successful prizeholder scores of times, and who would +give ten years of her life to be in her place, has to swallow her +confusion as she best can, and accept her discomfiture as if she liked +it. + +If a men's favourite begins her career unmarried, she most frequently +remains unmarried to the end; fulfilling her mission of charming all +and fixing none till she comes to the age when her sex has no mission +at all. If she is married she has developed after the event; in her +nonage having been a shy if observant wallflower, quietly watching the +methods which later she has so ably applied, and taking lessons from +the very girls who queened it over her with that insolent supremacy +which, more than all else, she noted, envied and profited by. If she +marries while a favourite and in the full swing of her triumphs, she +probably gets pulled up by her husband (unless she is in India, or +wherever else women are at a premium and mistresses of the situation), +and subsides into the best and most domestic kind of 'brooding hen.' +However that may be, marriage, which is the great transforming agent +of a woman's character, seldom leaves her on the same lines as before; +though sometimes of course the foolish virgin developes into the +frisky matron, and the girl who begins life as a men's favourite ends +it as a mature siren. + +There are two kinds of men's favourites--the bright women who amuse +them and the sympathetic ones who love them. But these last are of a +doubtful, what country people call 'chancy,' kind; women who show +their feelings too openly, who fall in love too seriously, or perhaps +unasked altogether, being more likely to irritate and repel than to +charm. But the bright, animated women who know how to talk and do not +preach; who say innocent things in an audacious way and audacious +things in an innocent way; who are clever without pedantry; frank +without impudence; quick to follow a lead when shown them; and who +know the difference between badinage and earnestness, flirting and +serious intentions--these are the women who are liked by men and whose +social success in no wise depends on their beauty. + +Of one thing the clever woman who wants to be a men's favourite must +always be careful--to keep that half step in the rear which alone +reconciles men to her superiority of wit. She must not shine so much +by her own light as by contact with theirs; and her most brilliant +sallies ought to convey the impression of being struck out by them +rather than of being elaborated by herself alone--suggested by what +had gone before, if improved on for their advantage. Else she offends +masculine self-love, never slow to take fire, and gains an element of +hardness and self-assertion incompatible with her character of +favourite. Not that men dislike all kinds of self-assertion. The +irrepressible little woman with her trim waist and jaunty air, pert, +pretty, defiant, who laughs in the face of the burly policeman able to +crush her between his finger and thumb, and to whom ropes and barriers +are things to be skipped over or dived under, as the case may be--she +who is all cackle and self-assertion like a little bantam, is also +most frequently a men's favourite, and encouraged in her saucy +forwardness. + +Then there is the graceful, fragile, swan-necked woman, who, a +generation ago, would have been one of the Della Cruscan school, all +poetry and music and fine feelings, and of a delicacy so refined that +broad-browed Nature herself had to be veiled and toned down to the +subdued key proper for the graceful creature to accept--but nowadays +this graceful creature plunges boldly into the midst of the most +tremendous realism, is an ardent advocate for woman's rights, and +perhaps goes out 'on the rampage,' on platforms and the like to +advocate doctrines as little in harmony with the kind of being she is +as would be a diet of horseflesh and brandy. She gets her following; +and men who do not agree with her delight to set her off on her +favourite topics, just as women like to see their little girls play +with their dolls and repeat to the harmless dummy the experiences +which have been real to themselves. + +These two classes of self-assertion are mere plays which amuse men; +but when it comes to a reality, and is no longer a play--when a man is +made to feel small, useless, insignificant by the side of a woman--he +meets them with something he neither likes nor easily forgives; and if +such a woman had the beauty of Venus, she would not be a men's +favourite of the right sort; though some of course would admire her +and do their best to spoil and make a fool of her. + +A men's favourite of the right sort must, among other things, be well +up in the accidence of flirting, and know how to take it at exactly +its proper value. She must be able to accept broad compliments, or +more subtle love-making, without either too serious an acceptance or +too grave a deprecation. This is a great art, and one that, more than +any other, puts men at their ease and sets the machinery of pleasant +intercourse in harmonious action. Never to show whether she is really +hit or not; never to give a fop occasion for a boast nor an enemy room +for a pitying sneer; to take everything in good part and to be as +quick in giving as in receiving; never to be off her guard; never to +throw away her arms; to conceal any number of foxes that may be +gnawing at her beneath her cloak--this kind of flirting, in which most +men's favourites are adepts, is an art that reaches almost the +dimensions of a science. And it is just that in which your very +intense, your very earnest and sincere, women are utter failures. They +know nothing of badinage, but take everything _au grand sérieux_; and +when you mean to be simply playful and complimentary, imagine you in +tragic earnest, and think themselves obliged to frown down a +compliment as a liberty; or else they accept it with a passionate +pleasure that shows how deeply it has struck. + +These intense and very sincere women are not as a rule men's +favourites, unless they have other qualities of such a pleasant and +seductive kind as to excuse the enormous blunder they make of wearing +their hearts on their sleeves for drawing-room daws to peck at, and +the still greater blunder of confounding love-making with love. They +may be, and if they have nice manners and are good-tempered they +probably are, of the race of popular women; that is, liked by both men +and women; but they are not men's favourites _par excellence_, who +moreover are never liked by women at all. + +Women are quite right in one thing, hard as it seems to say it:--men's +favourites, whom women dislike and distrust, are not usually good for +much morally. They are often false, insincere, superficial, and +possibly with a very low aim in life. And the men know all this, but +forgive it for the sake of the pleasantness and charm which is the +grace that shadows, or rather brightens, all the rest; having +oftentimes indeed a half-contemptuous tolerance for the sins of their +favourites as not expecting anything better from them. Grant that they +are false, that they sail perilously near the wind, are shifty and +untrustworthy--what of that? They are not favourites because of their +good qualities, only because of their pleasant ones; because of that +subtle _je ne sais quoi_ of old writers which stands one in such good +stead when one is at a loss for an analysis, and which is the only +term that expresses the strong yet indefinite charm which certain +women possess for men. It is not beauty; it is not necessarily +cleverness taken in the sense of education, though it must be a +keenness if not depth of intellect, and smartness if not the power of +reasoning; it certainly is not goodness; it is not always youth, nor +yet warmth of feeling--though all these things come in as +characteristics in their turn; but it is companionship and the power +of amusing. Still, what is it that creates this power, this +companionship? A smart, pert, flippant little minx, as women call her, +with a shrill voice and a saucy air, may be the men's favourite of one +set; a refined, graceful woman, speaking softly, and with pleading +eyes, may be the favourite of another; a third may be a blunt, +off-handed young person, given to speaking her mind so that there +shall be no mistake; a fourth may be a silent and seemingly a shy +woman, fond of sitting out in retired places, and with a reputation +for flirting of a quiet kind that sets the woman's fingers tingling. + +There is no settled rule anyhow, and all kinds have their special +sphere of shining, according to circumstances. But whatever they may +be, they are useful in their generation and valuable for such work as +they have to do. Society is a miserably dull affair to men when there +are no favourites of any sort; where the womanhood in the room is of +the kind that herds together as if for protection, and looks askance +over its shoulder at the wolves in coats and beards who prowl about +the sheepfold of petticoats; where conversation is monosyllabic in +form and restricted in substance; where pleasant men who talk are +considered dangerous, and fascinating women who answer immoral; where +the matrons are grim and the maidens still in the bread-and-butter +stage of existence; and where young wives take matrimonial fidelity to +mean making themselves disagreeable to every man but their husband, on +the plea that one never knows what may happen, and that you cannot go +on with what you never begin. + + + + +_WOMANLINESS._ + + +There are certain words, suggestive rather than descriptive, the value +of which lies in their very vagueness and elasticity of +interpretation, by which each mind can write its own commentary, each +imagination sketch out its own illustration. And one of these is +Womanliness; a word infinitely more subtle in meaning, with more +possibilities of definition, more light and shade, more facets, more +phases, than the corresponding word manliness. This indeed must +necessarily be so, since the character of women is so much more varied +in colour and more delicate in its many shades than that of men. + +We call it womanliness when a lady of refinement and culture overcomes +the natural shrinking of sense, and voluntarily enters into the +circumstances of sickness and poverty, that she may help the suffering +in their hour of need; when she can bravely go through some of the +most shocking experiences of humanity for the sake of the higher law +of charity; and we call it womanliness when she removes from herself +every suspicion of grossness, coarseness, or ugliness, and makes her +life as dainty as a picture, as lovely as a poem. She is womanly when +she asserts her own dignity; womanly when her highest pride is the +sweetest humility, the tenderest self-suppression; womanly when she +protects the weaker; womanly when she submits to the stronger. To bear +in silence and to act with vigour; to come to the front on some +occasions, to efface herself on others, are alike the characteristics +of true womanliness; as is also the power to be at once practical and +æsthetic, the careful worker-out of minute details and the upholder of +a sublime idealism--the house-mistress dispensing bread and the +priestess serving in the temple. In fact, it is a very Proteus of a +word, and means many things by turns; but it never means anything but +what is sweet, tender, gracious and beautiful. Yet, protean as it is +in form, its substance has hitherto been considered simple enough, and +its limits have been very exactly defined; and we used to think we +knew to a shade what was womanly and what was unwomanly--where, for +instance, the nobleness of dignity ended and the hardness of +self-assertion began; while no one could mistake the heroic sacrifice +of self for the indifference to pain and the grossness belonging to a +coarse nature:--which last is as essentially unwomanly as the first is +one of the finest manifestations of true womanliness. But if this +exactness of interpretation belonged to past times, the utmost +confusion prevails at present; and one of the points on which society +is now at issue in all directions is just this very question--What is +essentially unwomanly? and, what are the only rightful functions of +true womanliness? Men and tradition say one thing, certain women say +another thing; and if what these women say is to become the rule, +society will have to be reconstructed _ab initio_, and a new order of +human life must begin. We have no objection to this, provided the new +order is better than the old, and the modern phase of womanhood more +beautiful, more useful to the community at large, more elevating to +general morality than was the ancient. But the whole matter hangs on +this proviso; and until it can be shown for certain that the latter +phase is to be undeniably the better we will hold by the former. + +There are certain old--superstitions must we call them?--in our ideas +of women, with which we should be loth to part. For instance, the +infinite importance of a mother's influence over her children, and the +joy that she herself took in their companionship--the pleasure that it +was to her to hold a baby in her arms--her delight and maternal pride +in the beauty, the innocence, the quaint ways, the odd remarks, the +half-embarrassing questions, the first faint dawnings of reason and +individuality, of the little creatures to whom she had given life and +who were part of her very being--that pleasure and maternal pride were +among the characteristics we used to ascribe to womanliness; as was +also the mother's power of forgetting herself for her children, of +merging herself in them as they grew older, and finding her own best +happiness in theirs. But among the advanced women who despise the +tame teachings of what was once meant by womanliness, maternity is +considered a bore rather than a blessing; the children are shunted to +the side when they come; and ignorant undisciplined nurses are +supposed to do well for wages what mothers will not do for love. + +Also we held it as womanliness when women resolutely refused to admit +into their presence, to discuss or hear discussed before them, impure +subjects, or even doubtful ones; when they kept the standard of +delicacy, of purity, of modesty, at a high level, and made men +respect, even if they could not imitate. Now the running between them +and men whose delicacy has been rubbed off long ago by the intimate +contact of coarse life is very close; and some of them go even beyond +those men whose lives have been of a quiet and unexperimental kind. +Nothing indeed, is so startling to a man who has not lived in personal +and social familiarity with certain subjects, and who has retained the +old chivalrous superstitions about the modesty and innocent ignorance +of women, as the easy, unembarrassed coolness with which his fair +neighbour at a dinner-table will dash off into thorny paths, managing +between the soup and the grapes to run through the whole gamut of +improper subjects. + +It was also an old notion that rest and quiet and peace were natural +characteristics of womanliness; and that life had been not unfairly +apportioned between the sexes, each having its own distinctive duties +as well as virtues, its own burdens as well as its own pleasures. Man +was to go out and do battle with many enemies; he was to fight with +many powers; to struggle for place, for existence, for natural rights; +to give and take hard blows; to lose perhaps this good impulse or that +noble quality in the fray--the battle-field of life not being that +wherein the highest virtues take root and grow. But he had always a +home where was one whose sweeter nature brought him back to his better +self; a place whence the din of battle was shut out; where he had time +for rest and spiritual reparation; where a woman's love and gentleness +and tender thought and unselfish care helped and refreshed him, and +made him feel that the prize was worth the struggle, that the home was +worth the fight to keep it. And surely it was not asking too much of +women that they should be beautiful and tender to the men whose whole +life out of doors was one of work for them--of vigorous toil that they +might be kept in safety and luxury. But to the advanced woman it seems +so; consequently the home as a place of rest for the man is becoming +daily more rare. Soon, it seems to us, there will be no such thing as +the old-fashioned home left in England. Women are swarming out at all +doors; running hither and thither among the men; clamouring for arms +that they may enter into the fray with them; anxious to lay aside +their tenderness, their modesty, their womanliness, that they may +become hard and fierce and self-asserting like them; thinking it a +far higher thing to leave the home and the family to take care of +themselves, or under the care of some incompetent hireling, while they +enter on the manly professions and make themselves the rivals of their +husbands and brothers. + +Once it was considered an essential of womanliness that a woman should +be a good house-mistress, a judicious dispenser of the income, a +careful guide to her servants, a clever manager generally. Now +practical housekeeping is a degradation; and the free soul which +disdains the details of housekeeping yearns for the intellectual +employment of an actuary, of a law clerk, of a banker's clerk. Making +pills is held to be a nobler employment than making puddings; while, +to distinguish between the merits of Egyptians and Mexicans, the +Turkish loan and the Spanish, is considered a greater exercise of mind +than to know fresh salmon from stale and how to lay in household +stores with judgment. But the last is just as important as the first, +and even more so; for the occasional pill, however valuable, is not so +valuable as the daily pudding, and not all the accumulations made by +lucky speculation are of any use if the house-bag which holds them has +a hole in it. + +Once women thought it no ill compliment that they should be considered +the depositaries of the highest moral sentiments. If they were not +held the wiser nor the more logical of the two sections of the human +race, they were held the more religious, the more angelic, the better +taught of God, and the nearer to the way of grace. Now they repudiate +the assumption as an insult, and call that the sign of their +humiliation which was once their distinguishing glory. They do not +want to be patient, self-sacrifice is only a euphemism for slavish +submission to manly tyranny; the quiet peace of home is miserable +monotony; and though they have not come to the length of renouncing +the Christian virtues theoretically, their theory makes but weak +practice, and the womanliness integral to Christianity is by no means +the rule of life of modern womanhood. But the oddest part of the +present odd state of things is the curious blindness of women to what +is most beautiful in themselves. Granting even that the world has +turned so far upside down that the one sex does not care to please the +other, still, there is a good of itself in beauty, which some of our +modern women seem to overlook. And of all kinds of beauty that which +is included in what we mean by womanliness is the greatest and the +most beautiful. + +A womanly woman has neither vanity nor hardness. She may be +pretty--most likely she is--and she may know it; for, not being a +fool, she cannot help seeing it when she looks at herself in the +glass; but knowing the fact is not being conscious of the possession, +and a pretty woman, if of the right ring, is not vain, though she +prizes her beauty as she ought. And she is as little hard as vain. Her +soul is not given up to ribbons, but neither is she indifferent to +externals, dress among them. She knows that part of her natural +mission is to please and be charming, and she knows that dress sets +her off, and that men feel more enthusiastically towards her when she +is looking fresh and pretty than when she is a dowdy and a fright. +And, being womanly, she likes the admiration of men, and thinks their +love a better thing than their indifference. If she likes men she +loves children, and never shunts them as nuisances, nor frets when +forced to have them about her. She knows that she was designed by the +needs of the race and the law of nature to be a mother; sent into the +world for that purpose mainly; and she knows that rational maternity +means more than simply giving life and then leaving it to others to +preserve it. She has no newfangled notions about the animal character +of motherhood, nor about the degrading character of housekeeping. On +the contrary, she thinks a populous and happy nursery one of the +greatest blessings of her state; and she puts her pride in the perfect +ordering, the exquisite arrangements, the comfort, thoughtfulness and +beauty of her house. She is not above her _métier_ as a woman; and she +does not want to ape the manliness she can never possess. + +She has always been taught that, as there are certain manly virtues, +so are there certain feminine ones; and that she is the most womanly +among women who has those virtues in greatest abundance and in the +highest perfection. She has taken it to heart that patience, +self-sacrifice, tenderness, quietness, with some others, of which +modesty is one, are the virtues more especially feminine; just as +courage, justice, fortitude, and the like, belong to men. + +Passionate ambition, virile energy, the love of strong excitement, +self-assertion, fierceness, an undisciplined temper, are all qualities +which detract from her ideal of womanliness, and which make her less +beautiful than she was meant to be. Consequently she has cultivated +all the meek and tender affections, all the unselfishness and thought +for others which have hitherto been the distinctive property of her +sex, by the exercise of which they have done their best work and +earned their highest place. She thinks it no degradation that she +should take pains to please, to soothe, to comfort the man who, all +day long, has been doing irksome work that her home may be beautiful +and her life at ease. She does not think it incumbent on her, as a +woman of spirit, to fly out at an impatient word; to answer back a +momentary irritation with defiance; to give back a Roland to his +Oliver. Her womanliness inclines her to loving forbearance, to +patience under difficulties, to unwearied cheerfulness under such +portion of the inevitable burden as may have been laid on her. She +does not hold herself predestined by nature to receive only the best +of everything, and deem herself affronted where her own especial cross +is bound on her shoulders. Rather, she understands that she too must +take the rough with the smooth; but that, as her husband's way in +life is rougher than hers, his trials are greater, his burden is +heavier, it is her duty--and her privilege--to help him all she can +with her tenderness and her love; and to give back to him at home, if +in a different form, some of the care he has expended while abroad to +make her path smooth. + +In a word, the womanly woman whom we all once loved and in whom we +have still a kind of traditional belief, is she who regards the wishes +of men as of some weight in female action; who holds to love rather +than opposition; to reverence, not defiance; who takes more pride in +the husband's fame than in her own; who glories in the protection of +his name, and in her state as wife; who feels the honour given to her +as wife and matron far dearer than any she may earn herself by +personal prowess; and who believes in her consecration as a helpmeet +for man, not in a rivalry which a few generations will ripen into a +coarse and bitter enmity. + + + + +_SOMETHING TO WORRY._ + + +A humane condescension to instinct has lately supplied ladies' lapdogs +with an ingenious instrument of mock torture, in the shape of an +india-rubber head which hops about the room on the smallest +persuasion, and squeaks shrilly when caught and worried. The animal +has thus the pleasure of mauling something which seems to suffer from +the process; while in reality it hurts nothing, but expends its +tormenting energy on a quite unfeeling creature, whose _raison d'être_ +it is to be worried and made to squeak. It would be well for some of +us if those people who must have something to worry would be content +with a creature analogous to the lapdog's india-rubber head. It would +do just as well for them, and it would save us who feel a great deal +of real pain. Tippoo Sahib was a wise man when he caused his automaton +to be made, in which a tiger seemed to be tearing at the prostrate +figure of a wooden European, and the group gave out mingled growls and +groans at the turning of a handle in its side. It might have been a +dismal fancy perhaps; but the fancy was better than the reality, and +did quite as well for the purpose, which was that the monarch should +keep himself in good humour by the charm of something to worry. + +There are few pains in life greater than the companionship of one of +those ill-conditioned people who must have something to worry, and who +are only happy with a grievance. No fortune, no fair possessions of +love nor beauty, nor what one would think must be the sources of +intense happiness, are spells to exorcise the worrying spirit--opiates +to allay the worrying fever. If in the midst of all they have to make +them blessed among the sons of men, there hops the squeaking ball, in +an instant every good thing belonging to them is forgotten, and there +is nothing in heaven and earth but that one obtruding grievance, that +one intolerable annoyance. Nothing is too small for them to make into +a gigantic evil and be offended at accordingly. They will not endure +with patience the minutest, nor the most inevitable, of the crosses of +life--things which every one has to bear alike; which no one can help; +and concerning which the only wisdom is to meet them with +cheerfulness, tiding over the bad time as quietly as possible till +things take a turn. Not they. They know the luxury of having something +to complain of; and they like to feel wronged. The wind is in the east +and they are personally injured; the rain has come on a pleasure day, +or has not come in a seed-sowing week, and they fret grimly and make +every one about them uncomfortable, as if the weather were a thing to +be arranged at will, and a disappointing day were the result of wilful +mismanagement. Life is a burden to them and all about them because the +climate is uncertain and the elements are out of human control. They +make themselves the most wretched of martyrs too, if they are in a +country they do not like; and they never do like the country they are +in. If down in a valley, they are suffocated; if in the plains or on a +table-land, they hate monotony and long for undulations; if they are +in a wooded district, they dread the damp and worry about the autumn +exhalations; if on a moor, who can live without green hills and +hedgerow birds? They are sorely exercised concerning clay and gravel; +and they find as many differences in the London climate within a +half-hour's walk as those who do not worry would find between St. +Andrews and Mentone. But they are no nearer the right thing wherever +they go; and the people belonging to them may as well bear the worry +at Brompton as at Hampstead, in Cumberland as in Cornwall, and so save +both trouble and expense. + +These worrying folk never let a thing alone. If they have once found a +victim they keep him; crueller in this than cats and tigers which play +with their prey only for a time, but finally give the _coup de grâce_ +and devour it, bones and all. But worrying folk never have done with +their prey, be it person or thing, and have an art of persistence--a +way of establishing a raw--that drives their poor victims into +temporary insanity. This persistency indeed, and the total +indifference to the maddening effect they produce, are the oddest +parts of the performance. They begin again for the twentieth time, +just where they left off; as fresh as if they had not done it all +before, and as eager as if you did not know exactly what was coming. +And it makes no kind of difference to them that their worrying has no +effect, and that things go on exactly as before--exactly as they would +have done had there been no fuss about them at all. + +Granting however, that the old proverb about constant dropping and +inevitable wearing is fulfilled, and that worrying accomplishes its +end, it had better have been let alone; for no one was ever yet +worried into compliance with an uncongenial or abandonment of a +favourite habit, who did not make the worrier wish more than once that +he had let matters remain where he had found them. Imbued with the +unfortunate belief that all things and persons are to be ordered to +their liking, the worriers think themselves justified in flying at the +throat of everything they dislike, and in making their dislikes +peculiar grievances. The natural inclination of boys to tear their +clothes and begrime their hands, to climb up ladders at the peril of +their necks, and to make themselves personally unpleasant to every +sense, is a burden laid specially on them, if they chance to be the +parents of vigorous and robust youth. The cares of their family are +greater than the cares of any other family; and no one understands +what they go through, though every one is told pretty liberally. Hint +at the sufferings of others, and they think you unfeeling and +unsympathetic; try to cheer them, and you affront them; unless you +would offend them for life, you must listen patiently to the +repetition of their miseries continually twanged on one string, and +feign the commiseration you cannot feel. + +It is impossible for these people to go through life in amity with all +men. They may be very good Christians theoretically; most likely they +are; according to the law of compensation by which theory and practice +so seldom go together; but the elementary doctrines of peace and +goodwill are beyond their power of translation into deeds. They have +always some one who is Mordecai to them; some one connected with them, +whose habits, nature, whose very being is a decided offence, and whom +therefore they worry without mercy. You never know these people to be +without a grievance. It may be husband or brother, friend or servant, +as it happens; but there is sure to be some one whose existence puts +them out of tune, and on whom therefore they revenge the discord by +continual worrying. Yet they would be miserable if their grievance +were withdrawn, leaving them for the time without a victim. It would +be only for a time indeed; for the exit of one would be the signal for +the entrance of another. The millennium to these people would be +intolerable dullness; and if they were translated into heaven itself, +they would of a certainty travesty the child's desire, and ask for a +little devil to worry, if not to play with. Women are sad sinners in +this way. Men who stay at home and potter about get like them, but +women, who are naturally nervous, and whose lives are spent in small +things, are generally more worrying than men; at least in daily life +and at home. Indeed, the woman who is more cheerful and hopeful than +easily depressed, and who does not worry any one, is the exception +rather than the rule, and to be prized as one would prize any other +rarity. + +Children come in for a good deal of domestic worrying; and under +pretence of good management and careful education are used as mamma's +squeaking heads, which lie ever handy for a chase. Any one who has +been in a family where the mother is of a naturally worrying temper, +and where a child has a peculiarity, can appreciate to the full what +the propensity is. With substantial love at heart, the mother leads +the wretched little creature a life worse than that of the typical +dog; and makes of its peculiarity, whatever that may be, a personal +offence which she is justified in resenting and never leaving alone. +And if it be so with her children, much more is it with her husband, +for whom her tenderness is naturally less. Though concerning him she +evidently does not know her own mind; for when she has worried into +his grave the man who all his life was such a trial to her, such a +cross, perhaps such a brute, she puts on widow's weeds of the deepest +hue, and worries her sons and daughters with her uncomfortable +reaction in favour of 'poor papa,' whose virtues come to the front +with a bound. Or may be she continues the old song in a different key, +substituting compassion and a sublime forgiveness in place of her +former annoyance, but harping all the same on the old strain and +rasping the old sores. + +Infelicitous at home, these worrying people are almost more than flesh +and blood can bear as travelling companions abroad. Always sure that +the train is going to start and leave them behind; that their landlord +is a robber and in league with brigands; that they will be dashed down +the precipice which tens of thousands have passed in safety before; +worrying about the luggage; and where is that trunk? and are you +_sure_ you saw the portmanteau safe? and have you the keys? and the +custom-house officers will find that bottle of eau-de-cologne and +charge both fine and duty for it; and have you changed the money? and +are you sure you have enough? and what are the fares? and you have +been cheated; and what a bill for only one breakfast and one +night!--and so on. + +The person who undertakes a journey with constitutional worriers ought +to have nerves of iron and a head of ice. They will leave nothing to +the care of ordinary rule, let nothing go by faith. The luggage is +always being lost, according to them; accidents are certain to happen +half a dozen times a day; and the beds are invariably damp. Their +mosquito bites are worse than any other person's; and no one is +plagued with small beasts as they are. They worry all through the +journey, till you wish yourself dead twenty times at least before the +month is out; and when they come home, they tell their friends they +would have enjoyed themselves immensely had they been allowed, but +they were so much annoyed and worried they lost half the pleasure of +the trip. So it will be to the end of time. As children, fretful; as +boys and girls, impatient and ill-tempered; as men and women, +worrying, interfering, restless; as old people, peevish and +exacting--they will die as they have lived; and the world about them +will draw a deep breath of relief when the day of their departure +comes, and will feel their atmosphere so much the lighter for their +loss. Poor creatures! They are conscious of not being loved as they +love, and as perhaps theoretically, they deserve to be loved; but it +would be impossible, even by a surgical operation, to make them +understand the reason why; and that it is their own habit of +incessantly worrying which has chilled the hearts of their friends, +and made them such a burden to others that their removal is a release +and their absence the promise of a life of peace. + + + + +_SWEETS OF MARRIED LIFE._ + + +Marriage, which most girls consider the sole aim of their existence +and the end of all their anxieties, is often the beginning of a set of +troubles which none among them expect, and which, when they come, very +few accept with the dignity of patience or the reasonableness of +common sense. Hitherto the man has been the suitor, the wooer. It has +been his _métier_ to make love; to utter extravagant professions; to +talk poetry and romance of an eminently unwearable kind; and to swear +that feelings, which by the very nature of things it is impossible to +maintain at their present state of fever heat, will be as lasting as +life itself and never know subsidence nor diminution. And girls +believe all that their lovers tell them. They believe in the +absorption of the man's whole life in the love which at the most +cannot be more than a part of his life; they believe that things will +go on for ever as they have begun, and that the fire and fervour of +passion will never cool down to the more manageable warmth of +friendship. And in this belief of theirs lies the rock on which not a +few make such pitiful shipwreck of their married happiness. They +expect their husbands to remain always lovers. Not lovers only in the +best sense, which of course all happy husbands are to the end of time, +but lovers as in the old fond, foolish, courting days. They expect a +continuance of the romance, the poetry, the exaggeration, the _petits +soins_, the microscopic attentions, the absorption of thought and +interest, the centralization of his happiness in her society, just as +in the days when she was still to be won, or, a little later, when, +being won, she was new in the wearing. And as we said before, a wife's +first trial, and her greatest, is when her husband begins to leave off +this kind of fervid love-making and settles down into the tranquil +friend. + +As with children so is it in the nature of most women to require +continual assurances. Very few believe in a love which is not +frequently expressed; while the ability to trust in the vital warmth +of an affection that has lost its early feverishness is the mark of a +higher wisdom than most of them possess. To make them thoroughly happy +a man must be always at their feet; and they are jealous of +everything--even of his work--that takes him away from them, or gives +him occasion for thought and interest outside themselves. They are +rarely able to rise to the height of married friendship; and if they +belong to a reticent and quiet-going man--a man who says 'I love you' +once for all, and then contents himself with living a life of loyalty +and kindness and not talking about it--they fret at what they call +his coldness, and feel themselves shorn of half their glory and more +than half their dues. They refuse to believe in that which is not +daily repeated. They want the incense of flattery, the excitement of +love-making; and if these desires are not ministered to by their +husbands, the danger is that they will get some one else to +'understand' them and feed the sentimentality which dies of inanition +in the quiet serenity of home. Moonlights; a bouquet of the earliest +flowers carefully arranged and tenderly presented; the changing lights +on the mountain tops; the exquisite song of the nightingale at two +o'clock in the morning; all the rest of those vague and suggestive +delights which once made the meeting-places of souls, and furnished +occasion for delicious ravings, become by time and use and the wearing +realities of business and the crowding pressure of anxieties, puerile +and annoying to the ordinary Englishman, who is not a poet by nature. +When all the world was young by reason of his own youth, and the fever +of the love-making time was on him, he was quite as romantic as his +wife. But now he is sobering down; life is fast becoming a very +prosaic thing to him; work is taking the place of pleasure, ambition +of romance; he pooh-poohs her fond remembrances of bygone follies, and +prefers his pipe in the warm library to a station by the open window, +watching the sunset because it looks as it did on _that_ evening, and +shivering with incipient catarrh. All this is very dreadful to her; +women, unfortunately for themselves, remaining young and keeping hold +much longer than do men. + +The first defection of this kind is a pang the young wife never +forgets. But she has many more and yet more bitter ones, when the +defection takes a personal shape, and some pretty little attention is +carelessly received without its due reward of loving thanks. Perhaps +some usual form of caress is omitted in the hurry of the morning's +work; or some gloomy anticipation of professional trouble makes him +oblivious of her presence; or, fretted by her importunate attentions, +he buries himself in a book, more to escape being spoken to than for +the book's own merits. + +Many a woman has gone into her own room and had a 'good cry' because +her husband called her by her baptismal name, and not by some absurd +nickname invented in the days of their folly; or because, pressed for +time, he hurried out of the house without going through the +established formula of leave-taking. The lover has merged in the +husband; security has taken the place of wooing; and the woman does +not take kindly to the transformation. Sometimes she plays a dangerous +game, and tries what flirting with other men will do. If her scheme +does not answer, and her husband is not made jealous, she is revolted, +and holds herself that hardly-used being, a neglected wife. She cannot +accept as a compliment the quiet trust which certain cool-headed men +of a loyal kind place in their wives; and her husband's tolerance of +her flirting manner--which he takes to be manner only, with no evil in +it, and with which, though he may not especially like it, he does not +interfere--seems to her indifference rather than tolerance. Yet the +confidence implied in this forbearance is in point of fact a +compliment worth all the pretty nothings ever invented; though this +hearty faith is just the thing which annoys her, and which she +stigmatizes as neglect. If she were to go far enough she would find +out her mistake. But by that time she would have gone too far to +profit by her experience. + +Nothing is more annoying than that display of affection which some +husbands and wives show to each other in society. That familiarity of +touch, those half-concealed caresses, those absurd names, that +prodigality of endearing epithets, that devoted attention which they +flaunt in the face of the public as a kind of challenge to the world +at large to come and admire their happiness, is always noticed and +laughed at; and sometimes more than laughed at. Yet to some women this +parade of love is the very essence of married happiness and part of +their dearest privileges. They believe themselves admired and envied +when they are ridiculed and scoffed at; and they think their husbands +are models for other men to copy when they are taken as examples for +all to avoid. + +Men who have any real manliness however, do not give in to this kind +of thing; though there are some, as effeminate and gushing as women +themselves, who like this sloppy effusiveness of love and carry it on +into quite old age, fondling the ancient grandmother with grey hair as +lavishly as they had fondled the youthful bride, and seeing no want of +harmony in calling a withered old dame of sixty and upwards by the pet +names by which they had called her when she was a slip of a girl of +eighteen. The continuance of love from youth to old age is very +lovely, very cheering; but even 'John Anderson my Jo' would lose its +pathos if Mrs. Anderson had ignored the difference between the raven +locks and the snowy brow. + +All that excess of flattering and petting of which women are so fond +becomes a bore to a man if required as part of the daily habit of +life. Out in the world as he is, harassed by anxieties of which she +knows nothing, home is emphatically his place of rest--where his wife +is his friend who knows his mind; where he may be himself without the +fear of offending, and relax the strain that must be kept up out of +doors; where he may feel himself safe, understood, at ease. And some +women, and these by no means the coldest nor the least loving, are +wise enough to understand this need of rest in the man's harder life, +and, accepting the quiet of security as part of the conditions of +marriage, content themselves with the undemonstrative love into which +the fever of passion has subsided. Others fret over it, and make +themselves and their husbands wretched because they cannot believe in +that which is not for ever paraded before their eyes. + +Yet what kind of home is it for the man when he has to walk as if on +egg-shells, every moment afraid of wounding the susceptibilities of a +woman who will take nothing on trust, and who has to be continually +assured that he still loves her, before she will believe that to-day +is as yesterday? Of one thing she may be certain; no wife who +understands what is the best kind of marriage demands these continual +attentions, which, voluntary offerings of the lover, become enforced +tribute from the husband. She knows that as a wife, whom it is not +necessary to court nor flatter, she has a nobler place than that which +is expressed by the attentions paid to a mistress. + +Wifehood, like all assured conditions, does not need to be buttressed +up; but a less certain position must be supported from the outside, +and an insecure self-respect, an uncertain holding, must be +perpetually strengthened and reassured. Women who cannot live happily +without being made love to are more like mistresses than wives, and +come but badly off in the great struggles of life and the cruel +handling of time. Placing all their happiness in things which cannot +continue, they let slip that which lies in their hands; and in their +desire to retain the romantic position of lovers lose the sweet +security of wives. Perhaps, if they had higher aims in life than those +with which they make shift to satisfy themselves, they would not let +themselves sink to the level of this folly, and would understand +better than they do now the worth of realities as contrasted with +appearances. And yet we cannot but pity the poor, weak, craving souls +who long so pitifully for the freshness of the morning to continue far +into the day and evening--who cling so tenaciously to the fleeting +romance of youth. They are taken by the glitter of things--love-making +among the rest; and the man who is showiest in his affection, who can +express it with most colour, and paint it, so to speak, with the +minutest touches, is the man whose love seems to them the most +trustworthy and the most intense. They make the mistake of confounding +this show with the substance, of trusting to pictorial expression +rather than to solid facts. And they make that other mistake of +cloying their husbands with half-childish caresses which were all very +well in the early days, but which become tiresome as time goes on and +the gravity of life deepens. And then, when the man either quietly +keeps them off or more brusquely repels them, they are hurt and +miserable, and think the whole happiness of their lives is dead, and +all that makes marriage beautiful at an end. + +What is to be done to balance things evenly in this unequal world of +sex? What indeed, is to be done at any time to reconcile strength with +weakness, and to give each its due? One thing at least is sure. The +more thoroughly women learn the true nature of men, the fewer mistakes +they will make and the less unhappiness they will create for +themselves; and the more patient men are with the hysterical +excitability, the restless craving, which nature, for some purpose at +present unknown, has made the special temperament of women, the fewer +_femmes incomprises_ there will be in married homes and the larger the +chance of married happiness. All one's theories of domestic life come +down at last to the give-and-take system, to bearing and forbearing, +and meeting half way idiosyncrasies which one does not personally +share. + + + + +_SOCIAL NOMADS._ + + +As there are wandering tribes which neither build houses nor pitch +their tents in one place, so there are certain social nomads who never +seem to have a home of their own, and who do not make one for +themselves by remaining long in any other person's. They are always +moving about and are to be met everywhere; at all sea-side places; at +all show places; in Switzerland, France, Italy and Germany; where they +live chiefly in _pensions_ at moderate charges, or in meagre lodgings +affiliated to a populous _table d'hôte_ much frequented by the +English. For one characteristic of social nomads is the strange way in +which they congregate together, expatiating on the delights of life +abroad, while seeing nothing but the outside of things from the centre +of a dense Britannic circle. + +Another characteristic is their chronic state of impecuniosity, and +the desire of looking like the best on a fixed income of slender +dimensions. Hence they are obliged to organize their expenditure on a +very narrow basis, and therefore live in boarding-houses, _pensions_, +or wherever good-sized rooms, a sufficient table, and a constant +current of society are to be had at small individual cost. As they +are people who travel much, they can speak two or three languages, but +only as those who have learnt by ear and not by book. They know +nothing of foreign literature, and but little of their own, save +novels and the class which goes by the name of 'light.' Indeed all the +reading they accomplish is confined to newspapers, magazines and +novels. But at home, and among those who have not been to Berlin, who +have never seen Venice, and to whom Paris is a dream still to be +realized, they assume an intimate acquaintance with both the +literature and the politics of the Continent--especially the +politics--and laugh at the English press for its blindness and +onesidedness. They happen to know beyond all doubt how this +Correspondent was bought over with so much money down; how that one is +in the toils of such or such a Minister's wife; why a third got his +appointment; how a fourth keeps his; and they could, if they chose, +give you chapter and verse for all they say. + +If they chance to have been in India some twenty or thirty years ago, +they will tell you why the Mutiny took place, and how the change of +Government works; and they can put their fingers on all the sore +places of the Empire, beginning with the distribution of patronage and +ending with the deficiency of revenue, as aptly as if they were on the +spot and had the confidence of the ruling officials. But in spite of +these little foibles they are amusing companions as a rule, if +shallow and radically ill-informed; and as it is for their own +interest to be good company, they have cultivated the art of +conversation to the highest pitch of which they are capable, and can +entertain if not instruct. When they aim at instruction indeed, they +are pretty sure to miss the mark; and the social nomad who lays down +the law on foreign statesmen and politics, and who speaks from +personal knowledge, is just the one authority not to be accepted. + +Always living in public, yet having to fight, each for his own hand, +the manners of social nomads in _pensions_ are generally a strange +mixture of suavity and selfishness; and the small intrigues and crafty +stratagems going on among them for the possession of the favourite +seat in the drawing-room, the special attention of the head-waiter at +table, the earliest attendance of the housemaid in the morning, is in +strange contrast with the ready smiles, the personal flatteries, the +affectation of sympathetic interest kept for show. But every social +nomad knows how to appraise this show at its just value, and can weigh +it in the balance to a grain. He does not much prize it; for he knows +one characteristic of these communities to be that everybody speaks +against everybody else, and that all concur in speaking against the +management. + +Still, life seems to go easily enough among them. They are all +well-dressed and for the most part have their tempers under control. +Some of the women play well, and some sing prettily. There are always +to be found a sufficient number of the middle-aged of either sex to +make up a whist-table, where the game is sound and sometimes +brilliant; and there are sure to be men who play billiards creditably +and with a crisp, clean stroke worth looking at. And there are very +often lively women who make amusement for the rest. But these are +smartly handled behind backs, though they are petted in public and +undeniably useful to the society at large. + +The nomadic widow is by some odd fatality generally the widow of an +officer, naval or military, to whose rank she attaches an almost +superstitious value, thinking that when she can announce herself as +the relict of a major or an admiral she has given an unanswerable +guarantee and smoothed away all difficulties. She may have many +daughters, but more probably she has only one;--for where +olive-branches abound nomadism is more expensive than housekeeping, +and to live in one's own house is less costly than to live in a +boarding-house. But of this one daughter the nomadic widow makes much +to the community; and especially calls attention to her simplicity and +absolute ignorance of the evils so familiar to the girls of the +present day. And she looks as if she expects to be believed. Perhaps +credence is difficult; the young lady in question having been for some +years considerably in public, where she has learnt to take care of +herself with a skill which, how much soever it may be deserving of +praise, can scarcely claim to be called ingenuous. She has need of +this skill; for, apparently, she and her mother have no male relations +belonging to them, and if flirtations are common with the nomadic +tribe, marriages are rare. Poor souls; one cannot but pity them for +all their labour in vain, all their abortive hopes. For though there +is more society in the mode of life they have chosen than they would +have had if they had lived quietly down in the village where they were +known and respected, and where, who knows? the fairy prince might one +day have alighted--there are very few chances; and marriages among +'the inmates' are as rare as winter swallows. + +The men who live in these places, whether as nomadic or permanent +guests, never have money enough to marry on; and the flirtations +always budding and blossoming by the piano or about the billiard-table +never by any chance fructify in marriage. But in spite of their +infertile experience you see the same mother and the same daughter +year after year, season after season, returning to the charge with +renewed vigour, and a hope which is the one indestructible thing about +them. Let us deal tenderly with them, poor impecunious nomads; +drifting like so much sea-wrack along the restless current of life; +and wish them some safe resting-place before it is too late. + +A lady nomad of this kind, especially one with a daughter, is strictly +orthodox and cultivates with praiseworthy perseverance the society of +any clergyman who may have wandered into the community of which she is +a member. She is punctual in church-going; and the minister is +flattered by her evident appreciation of his sermons, and the +readiness with which she can remember certain points of last Sunday's +discourse. As a rule she is Evangelically inclined, and is as +intolerant of Romanism on the one hand as of Rationalism on the other. +She has seen the evils of both, she says, and quotes the state of Rome +and of Heidelberg in confirmation. She is as strict in morals as in +orthodoxy, and no woman who has got herself talked about, however +innocently, need hope for much mercy at her hands. Her Rhadamanthine +faculty has apparently ample occasion for exercise, for her list of +scandalous chronicles is extensive; and if she is to be believed, she +and her daughter are almost the sole examples of a pure and untainted +womanhood afloat. She is as rigid too, in all matters connected with +her social status; and brings up her daughter in the same way of +thinking. By virtue of the admiral or the major, at peace in his +grave, they are emphatically ladies; and, though nomadic, impecunious, +homeless, and _tant soit peu_ adventuresses, they class themselves as +of the cream of the cream, and despise those whose rank is of the +uncovenanted kind, and who are gentry, may be, by the grace of God +only without any Act of Parliament to help. + +Sometimes the lady nomad is a spinster, not necessarily _passée_, +though obviously she cannot be in her first youth; still she may be +young enough to be attractive, and adventurous enough to care to +attract. Women of this kind, unmarried, nomadic and still young, work +themselves into every movement afoot. They even face the perils and +discomforts of war-time, and tell their friends at home that they are +going out as nurses to the wounded. That dash of the adventuress, of +which we have spoken before, runs through all this section of the +social nomads; and one wonders why some uncle or cousin, some aunt or +family friend, does not catch them up in time. + +If not attractive nor passably young, these nomadic spinsters are sure +to be exceedingly odd. Constant friction with society in its most +selfish form, the absence of home-duties, the want of the sweetness +and sincerity of home love, and the habit of change, bring out all +that is worst in them and kill all that is best. They have nothing to +hope for from society and less to lose; it is wearisome to look +amiable and sweet-tempered when you feel bitter and disappointed; and +politeness is a farce where the fact of the day is a fight. So the +nomadic spinster who has lived so long in this rootless way that she +has ceased even to make such fleeting friendships as the mode of life +affords--has ceased even to wear the transparent mark of such thin +politeness as is required--becomes a 'character' notorious in +proportion to her candour. She never stays long in one establishment, +and generally leaves abruptly because of a misunderstanding with some +other lady, or maybe because some gentleman has unwittingly affronted +her. She and the officer's widow are always on peculiarly unfriendly +terms, for she resents the pretensions of the officer's daughter, and +calls her a bold minx or a sly puss almost within hearing; while she +throws grave doubts on the widow herself, and drops hints which the +rest of the community gather up like manna, and keep by them, to much +the same result as that of the wilderness. But the nomadic spinster +soon wanders away to another temporary resting-place; and before half +her life is done she becomes as well known to the heads of the various +establishments in her line as the taxgatherer himself, and dreaded +almost as much. + +Nomads are generally remarkable for not leaving tracks behind them. +You see them here and there, and they are sure to turn up at +Baden-Baden or at Vichy, at Scarborough or at Dieppe, when you least +expect them; but you know nothing about them in the interim. They are +like those birds which hybernate at some place of retreat no one yet +ever found; or like those which migrate, who can tell where? They come +and they go. You meet and part and meet again in all manner of +unlikely places; and it seems to you that they have been over half the +world since you last met, you meanwhile having settled quietly to your +work, save for your summer holiday which you are now taking, and which +you are enjoying as the nomad cannot enjoy any change that falls to +his lot. He is sated with change; wearied of novelty; yet unable to +fix himself, however much he may wish it. He has got into the habit of +change; and the habit clings even when the desire has gone. Always +hoping to be at rest, always intending to settle as years flow on, he +never finds the exact place to suit him; only when he feels the end +approaching, and by reason of old age and infirmity is a nuisance in +the community where formerly he was an acquisition, and where too all +that once gave him pleasure has now become an insupportable burden and +weariness--only then does he creep away into some obscure and lonely +lodging, where he drags out his remaining days alone, and dies without +the touch of one loved hand to smooth his pillow, without the sound of +one dear voice to whisper to him courage, farewell, and hope. The home +he did not plant when he might is impossible to him now, and there is +no love that endures if there is no home in which to keep it. And so +all the class of social nomads find when dark days are on them, and +society, which cares only to be amused, deserts them in their hour of +greatest need. + + + + +_GREAT GIRLS._ + + +Nothing is more distinctive among women than the difference of +relative age to be found between them. Two women of the same number of +years will be substantially of different epochs of life--the one faded +in person, wearied in mind, fossilized in sympathy; the other fresh +both in face and feeling, with sympathies as broad and keen as they +were when she was in her first youth; with a brain still as receptive, +as quick to learn, a temper still as easy to be amused, as ready to +love, as when she emerged from the school-room to the drawing-room. +The one you suspect of understating her age by half-a-dozen years or +more when she tells you she is not over forty; the other makes you +wonder if she has not overstated hers by just so much when she +laughingly confesses to the same age. The one is an old woman who +seems as if she had never been young, the other 'just a great girl +yet,' who seems as if she would never grow old; and nothing is equal +between them but the number of days each has lived. + +This kind of woman, so fresh and active, so intellectually as well as +emotionally alive, is never anything but a girl; never loses some of +the sweetest characteristics of girlhood. You see her first as a young +wife and mother, and you imagine she has left the school-room for +about as many months as she has been married years. Her face has none +of that untranslatable expression, that look of robbed bloom, which +experience gives; in her manner is none of the preoccupation so +observable in most young mothers, whose attention never seems wholly +given to the thing on hand, and whose hearts seem always full of a +secret care or an unimparted joy. Brisk and airy, braving all +weathers, ready for any amusement, interested in the current questions +of history and society, by some wonderful faculty of organizing +seeming to have all her time to herself as if she had no house cares +and no nursery duties, yet these somehow not neglected, she is the +very ideal of a happy girl roving through life as through a daisy +field, on whom sorrow has not yet laid its hand and to whose lot has +fallen no Dead Sea apple. And when one hears her name and style for +the first time as a matron, and sees her with two or three sturdy +little fellows hanging about her slender neck and calling her mamma, +one feels as if nature had somehow made a mistake, and that our slim +and simple-mannered damsel had only made-believe to have taken up the +serious burdens of life, and was nothing but a great girl after all. + +Grown older she is still the great girl she was ten years ago, if her +type of girlishness is a little changed and her gaiety of manner a +little less persistent. But even now, with a big boy at Eton and a +daughter whose presentation is not so far off, she is younger than her +staid and melancholy sister, her junior by many years, who has gone in +for the Immensities and the Worship of Sorrow, who thinks laughter the +sign of a vacant mind, and that to be interesting and picturesque a +woman must have unserviceable nerves and a defective digestion. Her +sister looks as if all that makes life worth living for lies behind +her, and only the grave is beyond; she, the great girl, with her +bright face and even temper, believes that her future will be as +joyous as her present, as innocent as her past, as full of love and as +purely happy. She has known some sorrows truly, and she has gained +such experience as comes only through the rending of the +heart-strings; but nothing that she has passed through has seared nor +soured her, and if it has taken off just the lighter edge of her +girlishness it has left the core as bright and cheery as ever. + +In person she is generally of the style called 'elegant' and +wonderfully young in mere physical appearance. Perhaps sharp eyes +might spy out here and there a little silver thread among the soft +brown hair; and when fatigued or set in a cross light, lines not quite +belonging to the teens may be traced about her eyes and mouth; but in +favourable conditions, with her graceful figure advantageously draped +and her fair face flushed and animated, she looks just a great girl, +no more; and she feels as she looks. It is well for her if her husband +is a wise man, and more proud of her than he is jealous; for he must +submit to see her admired by all the men who know her, according to +their individual manner of expressing admiration. But as purity of +nature and singleness of heart belong to her qualification for great +girlishness, he has no cause for alarm, and she is as safe with Don +Juan as with St. Anthony. + +These great girls, as middle-aged matrons, are often seen in the +country; and one of the things which most strikes a Londoner is the +abiding youthfulness of this kind of matron. She has a large family, +the elders of which are grown up, but she has lost none of the beauty +for which her youth was noted, though it is now a different kind of +beauty from what it was then; and she has still the air and manners of +a girl. She blushes easily, is shy, and sometimes apt to be a little +awkward, though always sweet and gentle; she knows very little of real +life and less of its vices; she is pitiful to sorrow, affectionate to +her friends who are few in number, and strongly attached to her own +family; she has no theological doubts, no scientific proclivities, and +the conditions of society and the family do not perplex her. She +thinks Darwinism and protoplasm dangerous innovations; and the +doctrine of Free Love with Mrs. Cady Staunton's development is +something too shocking for her to talk about. She lifts her calm clear +eyes in wonder at the wild proceedings of the shrieking sisterhood, +and cannot for the life of her make out what all this tumult means, +and what the women want. For herself, she has no doubts whatever, no +moral uncertainties. The path of duty is as plain to her as are the +words of the Bible, and she loves her husband too well to wish to be +his rival or to desire an individualized existence outside his. She is +his wife, she says; and that seems more satisfactory to her than to be +herself a Somebody in the full light of notoriety, with him in the +shade as her appendage. + +If inclined to be intolerant to any one, it is to those who seek to +disturb the existing state of things, or whose speculations unsettle +men's minds; those who, as she thinks, entangle the sense of that +which is clear and straightforward enough if they would but leave it +alone, and who, by their love of iconoclasm, run the risk of +destroying more than idols. But she is intolerant only because she +believes that when men put forth false doctrines they put them forth +for a bad purpose, and to do intentional mischief. Had she not this +simple faith, which no philosophic questionings have either enlarged +or disturbed, she would not be the great girl she is; and what she +would have gained in catholicity she would have lost in freshness. For +herself, she has no self-asserting power, and would shrink from any +kind of public action; but she likes to visit the poor, and is +sedulous in the matter of tracts and flannel-petticoats, vexing the +souls of the sterner, if wiser, guardians and magistrates by her +generosity which they affirm only encourages idleness and creates +pauperism. She cannot see it in that light. Charity is one of the +cardinal virtues of Christianity; accordingly, charitable she will +be, in spite of all that political economists may say. + +She belongs to her family, they do not belong to her; and you seldom +hear her say 'I went' or 'I did.' It is always 'we;' which, though a +small point, is a significant one, showing how little she holds to +anything like an isolated individuality, and how entirely she feels a +woman's life to belong to and be bound up in her home relations. She +is romantic too, and has her dreams and memories of early days; when +her eyes grow moist as she looks at her husband--the first and only +man she ever loved--and the past seems to be only part of the present. +The experience which she must needs have had has served only to make +her more gentle, more pitiful, than the ordinary girl, who is +naturally inclined to be a little hard; and of all her household she +is the kindest and the most intrinsically sympathetic. She keeps up +her youth for the children's sake she says; and they love her more +like an elder sister than the traditional mother. They never think of +her as old, for she is their constant companion and can do all that +they do. She is fond of exercise; is a good walker; an active climber; +a bold horsewoman; a great promoter of picnics and open-air +amusements. She looks almost as young as her eldest daughter +differentiated by a cap and covered shoulders; and her sons have a +certain playfulness in their love for her which makes them more her +brothers than her sons. Some of them are elderly men before she has +ceased to be a great girl; for she keeps her youth to the last by +virtue of a clear conscience, a pure mind and a loving nature. She is +wise in her generation and takes care of her health by means of active +habits, fresh air, cold water and a sparing use of medicines and +stimulants; and if the dear soul is proud of anything it is of her +figure, which she keeps trim and elastic to the last, and of the +clearness of her complexion, which no heated rooms have soddened, no +accustomed strong waters have clouded nor bloated. + +Then there are great girls of another kind--women who, losing the +sweetness of youth, do not get in its stead the dignity of maturity; +who are fretful, impatient, undisciplined, knowing no more of +themselves nor human nature than they did when they were nineteen, yet +retaining nothing of that innocent simplicity, that single-hearted +freshness and joyousness of nature which one does not wish to see +disturbed even for the sake of a deeper knowledge. These are the women +who will not get old and who consequently do not keep young; who, when +they are fifty, dress themselves in gauze and rosebuds, and think to +conceal their years by a judicious use of many paint-pots and the +liberality of the hairdresser; who are jealous of their daughters, +whom they keep back as much and as long as they can, and terribly +aggrieved at their irrepressible six feet of sonship; women who have a +trick of putting up their fans before their faces as if they were +blushing; who give you the impression of flounces and ringlets, and +who flirt by means of much laughter and a long-sustained giggle; who +talk incessantly, yet have said nothing to the purpose when they have +done; and who simper and confess they are not strong-minded but only +'awfully silly little things,' when you try to lead the conversation +into anything graver than fashion and flirting. They are women who +never learn repose of mind nor dignity of manner; who never lose their +taste for mindless amusements, and never acquire one for nature nor +for quiet happiness; and who like to have lovers always hanging about +them--men for the most part younger than themselves, whom they call +naughty boys and tap playfully by way of rebuke. They are women unable +to give young girls good advice on prudence or conduct; mothers who +know nothing of children; mistresses ignorant of the alphabet of +housekeeping; wives whose husbands are merely the bankers, and most +probably the bugbears, of the establishment; women who think it +horrible to get old and to whom, when you talk of spiritual peace or +intellectual pleasures, you are as unintelligible as if you were +discoursing in the Hebrew tongue. As a class they are wonderfully +inept; and their hands are practically useless, save as ring-stands +and glove-stretchers. For they can do nothing with them, not even +frivolous fancy-work. They read only novels; and one of the marvels of +their existence is what they do with themselves in those hours when +they are not dressing, flirting, nor paying visits. + +If they are of a querulous and nervous type, their children fly from +them to the furthest corners of the house; if they are molluscous and +good-natured, they let themselves be manipulated up to a certain +point, but always on the understanding that they are only a few years +older than their daughters; almost all these women, by some fatality +peculiar to themselves, having married when they were about ten years +old, and having given birth to progeny with the uncomfortable property +of looking at the least half a dozen years older than they are. This +accounts for the phenomenon of a girlish matron of this kind, dressed +to represent first youth, with a sturdy black-browed débutante by her +side, looking, you would swear to it, of full majority if a day. Her +only chance is to get that black-browed tell-tale married out of hand; +and this is the reason why so many daughters of great girls of this +type make such notoriously early--and bad--matches; and why, when once +married, they are never seen in society again. + +Grandmaternity and girlishness scarcely fit in well together, and +rosebuds are a little out of place when a nursery of the second degree +is established. There are scores of women fluttering through society +at this moment whose elder daughters have been socially burked by the +friendly agency of a marriage almost as soon as, or even before, they +were introduced, and who are therefore, no longer witnesses against +the hairdresser and the paint-pots; and there are scores of these +same marriageable daughters eating out their hearts and spoiling their +pretty faces in the school-room a couple of years beyond their time, +that mamma may still believe the world takes her to be under thirty +yet--and young at that. + + + + +_SHUNTED DOWAGERS._ + + +The typical mother-in-law is, as we all know, fair game for every +one's satire; and according to the odd notions which prevail on +certain points, a man is assumed to show his love for his wife by +systematic disrespect to her mother, and to think that her new +affections will be knit all the closer the more loosely he can induce +her to hold her old ones. The mother-in-law, according to this view of +things, has every fault. She interferes, and always at the wrong time +and on the wrong side; she makes a tiff into a quarrel and widens a +coolness into a breach; she is self-opinionated and does not go with +the times; she treats her daughter like a child and her son-in-law +like an appendage; she spoils the elder children and feeds the baby +with injudicious generosity; she spends too much on her dress, +wears too many rings, trumps her partner's best card and does not +attend to the 'call;'--and she is fat. But even the well abused +mother-in-law--the portly old dowager who has had her day and is no +longer pleasing in the eyes of men--even she has her wrongs like most +of us; and if she sometimes asserts her rights more aggressively than +patiently, she has to put up with many disagreeable rubs for her own +part; and female tempers over fifty are not notorious for humility. + +Take the case of a widow with means, whose family is settled. Not a +daughter to chaperone, not a son to marry; all are so far happily off +her hands, and she is left alone. But what does her loneliness mean? +In the first place, while her grief for her husband is yet new--and we +will assume that she does grieve for him--she has to turn out of the +house where she has been queen and mistress for the best years of her +life; to abdicate state and style in favour of her son and her son's +wife whom she is sure not to like; and, however good her jointure may +be, she must necessarily find her new home one of second-rate +importance. Perhaps however, the family objects to her having a home +of her own. Dear mamma must give up housekeeping and divide her time +among them all; but specially among her daughters, being more likely +to get on well with their husbands than with her sons' wives. + +Dear mamma has means, be it remembered. Perhaps she is a good natured +soul, a trifle weak and vain in proportion; who knows what +evil-disposed person may not get influence over her and exercise it to +the detriment of all concerned? She has the power of making her will, +and, granting that she is proof against the fascinations of some +fortune-hunting scamp twenty years at the least her junior--may be +forty, who knows? do not men continually marry their grandmothers if +they are well paid for it?--and though every daughter's mamma is of +course normally superior to weakness of this kind, yet accidents will +happen where least expected. And even if there is no possible fear of +the fascinating scamp on the look-out for a widow with a jointure, +there are artful companions and intriguing maids who worm themselves +into confidence and ultimate power; sly professors of faiths dependent +on filthy lucre for their proof of divinity; and on the whole, all +things considered, dear mamma's purse and person are safest in the +custody of her children. So the poor lady, who was once the head of a +place, gives up all title to a home of her own, and spends her time +among her married daughters, in whose houses she is neither guest nor +mistress. She is only mamma; one of the family without a voice in the +family arrangements; a member of a community without a recognized +status; shunted; set aside; and yet with dangers of the most delicate +kind besetting her path in all directions. Nothing can be much more +unsatisfactory than such a position; and none much more difficult to +steer through, without renouncing the natural right of self-assertion +on the one hand, or certainly rasping the exaggerated susceptibilities +of touchy people on the other. + +In general the shunted dowager has as little indirect influence as +direct power; and her opinion is never asked nor desired as a matter +of graceful acknowledgment of her maturer judgment. If she is appealed +to, it is in some family dispute between her son and daughter, where +her partizanship is sought only as a makeweight for one or other of +the belligerents. But, so far as she individually is concerned, she is +given to understand that she is rococo, out of date, absurd; that, +since she was young and active, things have entered on a new phase +where she is nowhere, and that her past experience is not of the +slightest use as things are nowadays. If she has still energy enough +left, so that she likes to have her say and do her will, she has to +pass under a continual fire of opposition. If she is timid, +phlegmatic, indolent, or peaceable, and with no fight in her, she is +quietly sat upon and extinguished. + +Dear mamma is the best creature in the world so long as she is the +mere pawn on the young folks' domestic chess-board, to be placed +without an opposing will or sentiment of her own. She is the 'greatest +comfort' to her daughter; and even her son-in-law assents to her +presence, so long as she takes the children when required to do so, +does her share of the tending and more than her share of the giving, +but never presuming to administer nor to correct; so long as she is +placidly ready to take off all the bores; listen to the interminable +story-tellers; play propriety for the young people; make conversation +for the helplessly stupid or nervous; so long in fact as she will make +herself generally useful to others, demand nothing on her own account, +and be content to stand on the siding while the younger world whisks +up and down at express speed at its pleasure. Let her do more than +this--let her sometimes attempt to manage and sometimes object to be +managed--let her have a will of her own and seek to impose it--and +then 'dear mamma is so trying, so fond of interfering, so unable to +understand things;' and nothing but mysterious 'considerations' induce +either daughter or son-in-law to keep her. + +No one seems to understand the heartache it must have cost her, and +that it must be continually costing her, to see herself so suddenly +and completely shunted. Only a year ago and she had pretensions of all +kinds. Time had dealt with her leniently, and no moment had come when +she had suddenly leaped a gulf and passed from one age to another +without gradations. She had drifted almost imperceptibly through the +various stages into a long term of mature sirenhood, remaining always +young and pretty to her husband. But now her widow's cap marks an era +in her life, and the loss of her old home a new and descending step in +her career. She is plainly held to have done with the world and all +individual happiness--all personal importance; plainly told that she +is now only an interposing cushion to soften the shock or ease the +strain for others. But she does not quite see it for her own part, and +after having been so long first--first in her society, in her home, +with her husband, with her children--it is a little hard on her that +she should have to sink down all at once into a mere rootless waif, a +kind of family possession belonging to every one in turn and the +common property of all, but possessing nothing of herself. + +Of course dear mamma can make herself bitterly disagreeable if she +likes. She can taunt instead of letting herself be snubbed. She can +interfere where she is not wanted; give unpalatable advice; make +unpleasant remarks; tell stinging truths; and in all ways act up to +the reputation of the typical mother-in-law. But in general that is +only when she has kept her life in her own hands; has still her place +and her own home; remains the centre of the family and its recognized +head; with the dreadful power of making innumerable codicils and +leaving munificent bequests. If she has gone into the Learism of +living about among her daughters, it is scarce likely that she has +character enough to be actively disagreeable or aggressive. + +On a first visit to a country-house it is sometimes difficult to +rightly localize the old lady on the sofa who goes in and out of the +room apparently without purpose, and who seems to have privileges but +no rights. Whose property is she? What is she doing here? She is dear +mamma certainly; but is she a personage or a dependent? Is she on a +visit like the rest of us? Is she the maternal lodger whose income +helps not unhandsomely? or, has she no private fortune, and so lives +with her son-in-law because she cannot afford to keep house on her own +account? She is evidently shunted, whatever her circumstances, and has +no _locus standi_ save that given by sufferance, convenience, or +affection. Naturally she is the last of the dowagers visiting at the +house. She may come before the younger women, from the respect due to +age; but her place is at the rear of all her own contemporaries; not +for the graceful fiction of hospitality, but because she is one of the +family and therefore must give precedence to strangers. + +She is the movable circumstance of the home life. The young wife, of +course, has her fixed place and settled duties; the master is the +master; the guests have their graduated rights; but the shunted +dowager is peripatetic and elastic as well as shunted, and to be used +according to general convenience. If a place is vacant, which there is +no one else to fill, dear mamma must please to take it; if the party +is larger than there are places, dear mamma must please stay away. She +is assumed to have got over the age when pleasure means pleasure, and +to know no more of disappointment than of skipping. In fact, she is +assumed to have got over all individuality of every kind, and to be +able to sacrifice or to restrain as she may be required by the rest. + +Perhaps one of her greatest trials lies in the silence she is obliged +to keep, if she would keep peace. She must sit still and see things +done which are gall and wormwood to her. Say that she has been +specially punctilious in habits, suave in bearing, perhaps a trifling +humbugging and flattering--she has to make the best of her daughter's +brusqueries and uncontrolled tempers, of her son-in-law's dirty boots, +and the new religion of outspokenness which both profess. Say that she +has been accustomed to speak her mind with the uncompromising boldness +of a woman owning a place and stake in the county--she has to curb the +natural indignation of her soul when her young people, wiser in their +generation or not so securely planted, make friends with all sorts and +conditions, are universally sweet to everybody, hunt after popularity +with untiring zest, and live according to the doctrine of angels +unawares. The ways of the house are not her ways, and things are not +ordered as she used to order them. People are invited with whom she +would not have shaken hands, and others are left out whose +acquaintance she would have specially affected. All sorts of +subversive doctrines are afloat, and the old family traditions are +sure to be set aside. She abhors the Ritualistic tendencies of her +son-in-law, or she despises his Evangelical proclivities; his politics +are not sound and his vote fatally on the wrong side; and she laments +that her daughter, so differently brought up, should have been won +over as she has been to her husband's views. But what of that? She is +only a dowager shunted and laid on the shelf; and what she likes or +dislikes does not weigh a feather in the balance, so long as her purse +and person are safe in the family, and her will securely locked up in +the solicitor's iron safe, with no likelihood of secret codicils +upstairs. On the whole then, there is a word to be said even for the +dreadful mother-in-law of general scorn; and, as the shunted dowager, +the poor soul has her griefs of no slight weight and her daily +humiliations bitter enough to bear. + + + + +_PRIVILEGED PERSONS._ + + +We all number among our acquaintances certain privileged persons; +people who make their own laws without regard to the received canons +of society, and who claim exemption from some of the moral and most of +the conventional obligations which are considered binding on others. +The privileged person may be male or female; but is more often the +latter; sundry restraining influences keeping men in check which are +inoperative with women. Women indeed, when they choose to fall out of +the ranks and follow an independent path of their own, care very +little for any influences at all, the restraining power which will +keep them in line being yet an unknown quantity. As a woman then, we +will first deal with the privileged person. + +One embodiment of the privileged person is she whose forte lies in +saying unpleasant things with praiseworthy coolness. She aims at a +reputation for smartness or for honesty, according to the character of +her intellect, and she uses what she gets without stint or sparing. If +clever, she is noted for her sarcastic speeches and epigrammatic +brilliancy; and her good things are bandied about from one to the +other of her friends; with an uneasy sense however, in the laughter +they excite. For every one feels that he who laughs to-day may have +cause to wince to-morrow, and that dancing on one's own grave is by no +means an exhilarating exercise. + +No one is safe with her--not even her nearest and dearest; and she +does not care how deeply she wounds when she is about it. But her +victims rarely retaliate; which is the oddest part of the business. +They resign themselves meekly enough to the scalpel, and comfort +themselves with the reflection that it is only pretty Fanny's way, and +that she is known to all the world as a privileged person who may say +what she likes. It falls hard though, on the uninitiated and +sensitive, when they are first introduced to a privileged person with +a talent for saying smart things and no pity to speak of. Perhaps they +have learned their manners too well to retort in kind, if even they +are able; and so feel themselves constrained to bear the unexpected +smart, as the Spartan boy bore his fox. One sees them at times endure +their humiliation before folk with a courageous kind of stoicism which +would do honour to a better cause. Perhaps they are too much taken +aback to be able to marshal their wits for a serviceable +counter-thrust; all they can do is to look confused and feel angry; +but sometimes, if seldom, the privileged person with a talent for +sarcastic sayings meets with her match and gets paid off in her own +coin--which greatly offends her, while it rejoices those of her +friends who have suffered many things at her hands before. If she is +rude in a more sledge-hammer kind of way--rude through what it pleases +her to call honesty and the privilege of speaking her mind--her +attacks are easier to meet, being more openly made and less dependent +on quickness or subtlety of intellect to parry. + +Sometimes indeed, by their very coarseness they defeat themselves. +When a woman of this kind says in a loud voice, as her final argument +in a discussion, 'Then you must be a fool,' as we have known a woman +tell her hostess, she has blunted her own weapon and armed her +opponent. All her privileges cannot change the essential constitution +of things; and, rudeness being the boomerang of the drawing-room which +returns on the head of the thrower, the privileged person who prides +herself on her honesty, and who is not too squeamish as to its use, +finds herself discomfited by the very silence and forbearance of her +victim. In either case however, whether using the rapier or the +sledge-hammer, the person privileged in speech is partly a nuisance +and partly a stirrer-up of society. People gather round to hear her, +when she has grappled with a victim worthy of her steel, and is using +it with effect. Yet unless her social status is such that she can +command a following by reason of the flunkeyism inherent in human +nature, she is sure to find herself dropped before her appointed end +has come. People get afraid of her ill-nature for themselves, and +tired of hearing the same things repeated of others. For even a clever +woman has her intellectual limits, and is forced after a time to +double back on herself and re-open the old workings. It is all very +well, people think, to read sharp satires on society in the abstract, +and to fit the cap as one likes. Even if it fits oneself, one can bear +the fool's crown with some small degree of equanimity in the hope that +others will not discover the fact; but when it comes to a hand-to-hand +attack, with bystanders to witness, and oneself reduced to an +ignominious silence, it is another matter altogether; and, however +sparkling the gifts of one's privileged friend, one would rather not +put oneself in the way of their exercise. So she is gradually shunned +till she is finally abandoned; what was once the clever impertinence +of a pretty person, or the frank insolence of a cherubic hoyden, +having turned by time into the acrid humour of a grim female who keeps +no terms with any one, and with whom therefore, no terms are kept. The +pretty person given to smart sayings with a sting in them and the +cherubic hoyden who allows herself the use of the weapon of honesty, +would do well to ponder on the inevitable end, when the only real +patent of their privileges has run out, and they have no longer youth +and beauty to plead in condonation for their bad breeding. + +Another exercise of peculiar privilege is to be found in the matter of +flirting. Some women are able to flirt with impunity to an extent +which would simply destroy any one else. They flirt with the most +delicious frankness, yet for all practical purposes keep their place +in society undisturbed and their repute intact. They have the art of +making the best of two worlds, the secret of which is all their own, +yet which causes the weak to stumble and the rash to fall. They ride +on two horses at once, with a skill as consummate as their daring; but +the feeble sisters who follow after them slip down between, and come +to grief and public disaster as their reward. It is in vain to try to +analyze the terms on which this kind of privilege is founded. Say that +one pretty person takes the tone of universal relationship--that she +has an illimitable fund of sisterliness always at command for a host +of 'dear boys' of her own age; or, when a little older and drawing +near to the borders of mature sirenhood, that she is a kind of +oecumenical aunt to a large congregation of well-looking nephews--she +may steer safely through the shallows of this dangerous coast and land +at last on the _terra firma_ of a respected old age; but let another +try it, and she goes to the bottom like a stone. And yet the first has +pushed her privileges as far as they will go, while the second has +only played with hers; but the one comes triumphantly into port with +all colours flying, and the other makes shipwreck and is lost. + +And why the one escapes and the other goes down is a mystery given to +no one to fathom. But so it is; and every student of society is aware +of this strange elasticity of privilege with certain pretty friends, +and must have more than once wondered at Mrs. Grundy's leniency to the +flagrant sinner on the right side of the square, coupled with her +severity to the lesser naughtiness on the left. The flirting form of +privilege is the most partial in its limitations of all; and things +which one fair patentee may do with impunity, retaining her garlands, +will cause another to be stripped bare and chastised with scorpions; +and no one knows why nor how the difference is made. + +Another self-granted privilege is the licence some give themselves in +the way of taking liberties, and the boldness with which they force +your barriers. Indeed there is no barrier that can stand against these +resolute invaders. You are not at home, say, to all the world, but the +privileged person is sure you will see him or her, and forthwith +mounts your stairs with a cheerful conscience, carrying his welcome +with him--so he says. Admitted into your penetralia, the privileges of +this bold sect increase, being of the same order as the traditional +ell on the grant of the inch. They drop in at all times, and are never +troubled with modest doubts. They elect themselves your 'casuals,' for +whom you are supposed to have always a place at your table; and you +are obliged to invite them into the dining-room when the servant +sounds the gong and the roast mutton makes itself evident. They hear +you are giving an evening, and they tell you they will come, +uninvited; taking for granted that you intended to ask them, and +would have been sorry if you had forgotten. They tack themselves on to +your party at a fête and air their privileges in public--when the man +whom of all others you would like best for a son-in-law is hovering +about, kept at bay by the privileged person's familiar manner towards +yourself and your daughter. + +Your friend would laugh at you if you hinted to him that he might by +chance be misinterpreted. He argues that every one knows him and his +ways; and acts as if he held a talisman by which the truth could be +read through the thickest crust of appearances. It would be well +sometimes if he had this talisman, for his familiarity is a +bewildering kind of thing to strangers on their first introduction to +a house where he has privileges; and it takes time, and some +misapprehension, before it is rightly understood. We do not know how +to catalogue this man who is so wonderfully at ease with our new +friends. We know that he is not a relation, and yet he acts as one +bound by the closest ties. The girls are no longer children, but his +manner towards them would be a little too familiar if they were half a +dozen years younger than they are; and we come at last to the +conclusion that the father owes him money, or that the wife had +been--well, what?--in the days gone by; and that he is therefore +master of the situation and beyond the reach of rebuke. All things +considered, this kind of privilege is dangerous, and to be carefully +avoided by parents and guardians. Indeed, every form of this patent +is dangerous; the chances being that sooner or later familiarity will +degenerate into contempt and a bitter rupture take the place of the +former excessive intimacy. + +The neglect of all ordinary social observances is another reading of +the patent of privilege which certain people grant themselves. These +are the people who never return your calls; who do not think +themselves obliged to answer your invitations; who do not keep their +appointments; and who forget their promises. It is useless to reproach +them, to expect from them the grace of punctuality, the politeness of +a reply, or the faintest stirrings of a social conscience in anything. +They are privileged to the observance of a general neglect, and you +must make your account with them as they are. If they are +good-natured, they will spend much time and energy in framing +apologies which may or may not tell. If women, graceful, and liking to +be liked without taking much trouble about it, they will profess a +thousand sorrows and shames the next time they see you, and play the +pretty hypocrite with more or less success. You must not mind what +they do, they say pleadingly; no one does; they are such notoriously +bad callers no one ever expects them to pay visits like other people; +or they are so lazy about writing, please don't mind if they don't +answer your letters nor even your invitations: they don't mean to be +rude, only they don't like writing; or they are so dreadfully busy +they cannot do half they ought and are sometimes obliged to break +their engagements; and so on. And you, probably for the twentieth +time, accept excuses which mean nothing but 'I am a privileged +person,' and go on again as before, hoping for better things against +all the lessons of past experience. How can you do otherwise with that +charming face looking so sweetly into yours, and the coquettish little +hypocrisies played off for your benefit? If that charming face were +old or ugly, things would be different; but so long as women possess +_la beauté du diable_ men can do nothing but treat them as angels. + +And so we come round to the root of the matter once more. The +privileged person, whose patent society has endorsed, must be a young, +pretty, charming woman. Failing these conditions, she is a mere +adventuress whose discomfiture is not far off; with these, her patent +will last just so long as they do. And when they have gone, she will +degenerate into a 'horror,' at whom the bold will laugh, the timid +tremble, and whose company the wise will avoid. + + + + +_MODERN MAN-HATERS._ + + +Among the many odd social phenomena of the present day may be reckoned +the class of women who are professed despisers and contemners of men; +pretty misanthropes, doubtful alike of the wisdom of the past and the +distinctions of nature, but vigorously believing in a good time coming +when women are to take the lead and men to be as docile dogs in their +wake. To be sure, as if by way of keeping the balance even and +maintaining the sum of forces in the world in due equilibrium, a +purely useless and absurd kind of womanhood is more in fashion than it +used to be; but this does not affect either the accuracy or the +strangeness of our first statement; and the number of women now in +revolt against the natural, the supremacy of men is something +unparalleled in our history. Both before and during the first French +Revolution the _esprits forts_ in petticoats were agents of no small +account in the work of social reorganization going on; but hitherto +women, here in England, have been content to believe as they have been +taught, and to trust the men to whom they belong with a simple kind +of faith in their friendliness and good intentions, which reads now +like a tradition of the past. + +With the advanced class of women, the modern man-haters, one of the +articles of their creed is to regard men as their natural enemies from +whom they must both protect themselves and be protected; and one of +their favourite exercises is to rail at them as both weak and wicked, +both moral cowards and personal bullies, with whom the best wisdom is +to have least intercourse, and on whom no woman who has either +common-sense or self-respect would rely. To those who get the +confidence of women many startling revelations are made; but one of +the most startling is the fierce kind of contempt for men, and the +unnatural revolt against anything like control or guidance, which +animates the class of modern man-haters. That husbands, fathers, +brothers should be thought by women to be tyrannical, severe, selfish, +or anything else expressive of the misuse of strength, is perhaps +natural and no doubt too often deserved; but we confess it seems an +odd inversion of relations when a pretty, frail, delicate woman, with +a narrow forehead, accuses her broad-shouldered, square-browed male +companions of the meaner and more cowardly class of faults hitherto +considered distinctively feminine. And when she says with a disdainful +toss of her small head, 'Men are so weak and unjust, I have no respect +for them!' we wonder where the strength and justice of the world can +have taken shelter, for, if we are to trust our senses, we can +scarcely credit her with having them in her keeping. + +On the other hand, the man-hater ascribes to her own sex every good +quality under heaven; and, not content with taking the more patient +and negative virtues which have always been allowed to women, boldly +bestows on them the energetic and active as well, and robs men of +their inborn characteristics that she may deck her own sex with their +spoils. She grants, of course, that men are superior in physical +strength and courage; but she qualifies the admission by adding that +all they are good for is to push a way for her in a crowd, to protect +her at night against burglars, to take care of her on a journey, to +fight for her when occasion demands, to bear the heavy end of the +stick always, to work hard that she may enjoy and encounter dangers +that she may be safe. This is the only use of their lives, so far as +she is concerned. And to women of this way of thinking the earth is +neither the Lord's, nor yet man's, but woman's. + +Apart from this mere brute strength which has been given to men mainly +for her advantage, she says they are nuisances and for the most part +shams; and she wonders with less surprise than disdain at those of her +sisters who have kept trust in them; who still honestly profess to +both love and respect them; and who are not ashamed to own that they +rely on men's better judgment in all important matters of life, and +look to them for counsel and protection generally. The modern +man-hater does none of these things. If she has a husband she holds +him as her enemy _ex officio_, and undertakes home-life as a state of +declared warfare where she must be in antagonism if she would not be +in slavery. Has she money? It must be tied up safe from his control; +not as a joint precaution against future misfortune, but as a personal +protection against his malice; for the modern theory is that a husband +will, if he can get it, squander his wife's money simply for cruelty +and to spite her, though in so doing he may ruin himself as well. It +is a new reading of the old saying about being revenged on one's face. +Has she friends whom he, in his quality of man of the world, knows to +be unsuitable companions for her, and such as he conscientiously +objects to receive into his house? His advice to her to drop them is +an unwarrantable interference with her most sacred affections, and she +stands by her undesirable acquaintances, for whom she has never +particularly cared until now, with the constancy of a martyr defending +her faith. If it would please her to rush into public life as the +noisy advocate of any nasty subject that may be on hand--his refusal +to have his name dragged through the mire at the instance of her folly +is coercion in its worst form--the coercion of her conscience, of her +mental liberty; and she complains bitterly to her friends among the +shrieking sisterhood of the harsh restrictions he places on her +freedom of action. Her heart is with them, she says; and perhaps she +gives them pecuniary and other aid in private; but she cannot follow +them on to the platform, nor sign her name to passionate manifestoes +as ignorant as they are unseemly; nor tout for signatures to petitions +on things of which she knows nothing, and the true bearing of which +she cannot understand; nor dabble in dirt till she has lost the sense +of its being dirt at all. And, not being able to disgrace her husband +that she may swell the ranks of the unsexed, she is quoted by the +shriekers as one among many examples of the subjection of women and +the odious tyranny under which they live. + +As for the man, no hard words are too hard for him. It is only enmity +which animates him, only tyranny and oppression which govern him. +There is no intention of friendly guidance in his determination to +prevent his wife from making a gigantic blunder--feeling of kindly +protection in the authority which he uses to keep her from offering +herself as a mark for public ridicule and damaging discussion, wherein +the bloom of her name and nature would be swept away for ever. It is +all the base exercise of an unrighteous power; and the first crusade +to be undertaken in these latter days is the woman's crusade against +masculine supremacy. + +Warm partizan however, as she is of her own sex, the modern man-hater +cannot forgive the woman we spoke of who still believes in +old-fashioned distinctions; who thinks that nature framed men for +power and women for tenderness, and that the fitting, because the +natural, division of things is protection on the one side and a +reasonable measure of--we will not mince the word--obedience on the +other. For indeed the one involves the other. Women of this kind, +whose sentiment of sex is natural and healthy, the modern man-hater +regards as traitors in the camp; or as slaves content with their +slavery, and therefore in more pitiable case than those who, like +herself, jangle their chains noisily and seek to break them by loud +uproar. + +But even worse than the women who honestly love and respect the men to +whom they belong, and who find their highest happiness in pleasing +them and their truest wisdom in self-surrender, are those who frankly +confess the shortcomings of their own sex, and think the best chance +of mending a fault is first to understand that it is a fault. With +these worse than traitors no terms are to be kept; and the man-haters +rise in a body and ostracize the offenders. To be known to have said +that women are weak; that their best place is at home; that filthy +matters are not for their handling; that the instinct of feminine +modesty is not a thing to be disregarded in the education of girls nor +the action of matrons; are sins for which these self-accusers are +accounted 'creatures' not fit for the recognition of the nobler-souled +man-hater. The gynecian war between these two sections of womanhood is +one of the oddest things belonging to this odd condition of affairs. + +This sect of modern man-haters is recruited from three classes +mainly--those who have been cruelly treated by men, and whose faith +in one half of the human race cannot survive their own one sad +experience; those restless and ambitious persons who are less than +women, greedy of notoriety, indifferent to home life, holding home +duties in disdain, with strong passions rather than warm affections, +with perverted instincts in one direction and none worthy of the name +in another; and those who are the born vestals of nature, whose +organization fails in the sweeter sympathies of womanhood, and who are +unsexed by the atrophy of their instincts as the other class are by +the perversion and coarsening of theirs. By all these men are held to +be enemies and oppressors; and even love is ranked as a mere matter of +the senses, whereby women are first subjugated and then betrayed. + +The crimes of which these modern man-haters accuse their hereditary +enemies are worthy of Munchausen. A great part of the sorry success +gained by the opposers of the famous Acts has been due to the +monstrous fictions which have been told of men's dealings with the +women under consideration. No brutality has been too gross to be +related as an absolute truth, of which the name, address, and all +possible verification could be given, if desired. And the women who +have taken the lead in this matter have not been afraid to ascribe to +some of the most honourable names in the opposite ranks words and +deeds which would have befouled a savage. Details of every apocryphal +crime have been passed from one credulous or malicious matron to the +other, over the five o'clock tea; and tender-natured women, +horror-stricken at what they heard, have accepted as proofs of the +ineradicable enmity of man to woman these unfounded fables which the +unsexed so positively asserted among themselves as facts. + +The ease of conscience with which the man-hating propagandists have +accepted and propagated slanderous inventions in this matter has been +remarkable, to say the least of it; and were it not for the gravity of +the principles at stake, and the nastiness of the subject, the stories +of men's vileness in connexion with this matter, would make one of the +absurdest jest-books possible, illustrative of the credulity, the +falsehood, and the ingenious imagination of women. We do not say that +women have no just causes of complaint against men. They have; and +many. And so long as human nature is what it is, strength will at +times be brutal rather than protective, and weakness will avenge +itself with more craft than patience. But that is a very different +thing from the sectional enmity which the modern man-haters assert, +and the revolt which they make it their religion to preach. No good +will come of such a movement, which is in point of fact creating the +ill-feeling it has assumed. On the contrary, if women will but believe +that on the whole men wish to be their friends and to treat them with +fairness and generosity, they will find the work of self-protection +much easier and the reconcilement of opposing interests greatly +simplified. + + + + +_VAGUE PEOPLE._ + + +The core of society is compact enough, made up as it is of those real +doers of the world's work who are clear as to what they want and who +pursue a definite object with both meaning and method. But outside +this solid nucleus lies a floating population of vague people; +nebulous people; people without mental coherence or the power of +intellectual growth; people without purpose, without aim, who drift +with any current anywhere, making no attempt at conscious steering and +having no port to which they desire to steer; people who are +emphatically loose in their mental hinges, and who cannot be trusted +with any office requiring distinct perception or exact execution; +people to whom existence is something to be got through with as little +trouble and as much pleasure as may be, but who have not the faintest +idea that life contains a principle which each man ought to make clear +to himself and work out at any cost, and to which he ought to +subordinate and harmonize all his faculties and his efforts. These +vague people of nebulous minds compose the larger half of the world, +and count for just so much dead weight which impedes, or gives its +inert strength to the active agents, as it chances to be handled. +They are the majority who vote in committees and all assemblies as +they are influenced by the one or two clear-minded leaders who know +what they are about, and who drive them like sheep by the mere force +of a definite idea and a resolute will. + +Yet if there is nothing on which vague people are clear, and if they +are not difficult to influence as the majority, there is much on which +they are positive as a matter of private conviction. In opposition to +the exhortation to be able to give a reason for the faith that is in +us, they can give no reason for anything they believe, or fancy they +believe. They are sure of the result; but the logical method by which +that result has been reached is beyond their power to remember or +understand. To argue with them is to spend labour and strength in +vain, like trying to make ropes out of sea-sand. Beaten off at every +point, they settle down again into the old vapoury, I believe; and it +is like fighting with ghosts to attempt to convince them of a better +way. They look at you helplessly; assent loosely to your propositions; +but when you come to the necessary deduction, they double back in a +vague assertion that they do not agree with you--they cannot prove you +wrong but they are sure that they are right; and you know then that +the collapse is hopeless. If this meant tenacity, it would be so far +respectable, even though the conviction were erroneous; but it is the +mere unimpressible fluidity of vagueness, the impossibility of giving +shape and coherence to a floating fog or a formless haze. + +Vague as to the basis of their beliefs, they are vaguer still as to +their facts. These indeed are like a ladder of which half the rungs +are missing. They never remember a story and they cannot describe what +they have seen. Of the first they are sure to lose the point and to +entangle the thread; of the last they forget all the details and +confound both sequence and position. As to dates, they are as if lost +in a wood when you require definite centuries, years, months; but they +are great in the chronological generosity of 'about,' which is to them +what the Middle Ages and Classic Times are to uncertain historians. It +is as much as they can do to remember their own birthday; but they are +never sure of their children's; and generally mix up names and ages in +a manner that exasperates the young people like a personal insult. + +With the best intentions in the world they do infinite mischief. They +detail what they think they have heard of their neighbours' sayings +and doings; but as they never detail anything exactly, nor twice +alike, by the time they have told the story to half a dozen friends +they have given currency to half a dozen different chimeras which +never existed save in their own woolly imaginations. No repute is safe +with them, even though they may be personally good-natured and anxious +not to do any one harm; for they are so vague that they are always +setting afloat exaggerations which are substantially falsehoods; and +if you tell them the most innocent fact of any one you would not +injure for worlds--say your daughter or your dearest friend--they are +sure to repeat it with additions and distortions, till they have made +it into a Frankenstein which no one now can subdue. + +Beside this mental haziness, which neither sees nor shapes a fact +correctly, vague people are loose and unstable in their habits. They +know nothing of punctuality at home nor abroad; and you are never sure +that you will not stumble on them at meal-times at what time soever +you may call. But worse than this, your own meal-times, or any other +times, are never safe from them. They float into your house +uncertainly, vaguely, without purpose, with nothing to say and nothing +to do, and for no reason that you can discover. And when they come +they stay; and you cannot for the life of you find out what they want, +nor why they have come at all. They invade you at all times; in your +busy hours; on your sacred days; and sit there in a chaotic kind of +silence, or with vague talk which tires your brains to bring to a +focus. But they are too foggy to understand anything like a delicate +hint, and if you want to get rid of them, you must risk a quarrel and +effectively shoulder them out. They will be no loss. They are so much +driftweed in your life, and you can make no good of them for yourself +nor others. + +Even when they undertake to help you, they do you more harm than good +by the hazy way in which they understand, and the inexactness with +which they carry out, your wishes. They volunteer to get you by +favour the thing you want and cannot find in the general way of +business--say, something of a peculiar shade of olive-green--and they +bring you in triumph a brilliant cobalt. They know the very animal you +are looking for, they say, with a confidence that impresses you, and +they send to your stable a grey horse to match your bay pony; and if +you trust to their uncontrolled action in your affairs, you find +yourself committed to responsibilities you cannot meet and whereby you +are brought to the verge of destruction. + +They do all this mischief, not for want of goodwill but for want of +definiteness of perception; and are as sorry as you are when they make +'pie' and not a legible sheet. Their desire is good, but a vague +desire to help is equal to no help at all; or even worse--it is a +positive evil, and throws you wrong by just so much as it attempts to +set you straight. They are as unsatisfactory if you try to help them. +They are in evil case, and you are philanthropically anxious to assist +them. You think that one vigorous push would lift the car of their +fortunes out of the rut in which it has stuck; and you go to them with +the benevolent design of lending your shoulder as the lever. You +question them as to the central fact which they wish changed; for you +know that in most cases misfortunes crystallize round one such evil +centre, which, being removed, the rest would go well. But your vague +friends can tell you nothing. They point out this little superficial +inconvenience, that small remediable annoyance, as the utmost they can +do in the way of definiteness; but when you want to get to the core, +you find nothing but a cloudy complaint of general ill-will, or a +universal run of untoward circumstances with which you cannot grapple. +To cut off the hydra's heads was difficult enough; but could even +Hercules have decapitated the Djinn who rose in a volume of smoke from +the fisherman's jar? + +It is the same in matters of health. Only medical men know to the full +the difficulty of dealing with vague people when it is necessary that +these should be precise. They can localize no pain, define no +sensations. If the doctor thinks he has caught hold of one leading +symptom, it fades away as he tries to examine it; and, probe as he +may, he comes to nothing more definite than a pervading sense of +discomfort, which he must resolve into its causes as he best can. So +with their suspicions; and vague people are often strangely suspicious +and distrustful. They tell you in a loose kind of way that such or +such a man is a rogue, such or such a woman no better than she should +be. You ask them for their data--they have none; you suggest that they +are mistaken, or at least that they should hold themselves as mistaken +until they can prove the contrary, and you offer your version of the +reputations aspersed--your vague friends listen to you amiably, then +go back on their charge and say, 'I am sure of it'--which ends the +conversation. They rely on their impression as other people rely on +known facts; and a foggy belief is to them what a mathematical +demonstration is to the exact. + +In business matters they are simply maddening. They never have the +necessary papers; they do not answer letters; they confuse your +questions and reply at random or not at all; and they forget all dates +and details. When they go to their lawyer on business they leave +certificates and drafts behind them locked up where no one can get at +them; or if they send directions and the keys, they tell the servant +to look for an oblong blue envelope in the right-hand drawer, when +they ought to have said a square white parcel in the left. They give +you vague commissions to execute; and you have to find your way in the +fog to the best of your ability. They say they want something like +something else you have never seen, and they cannot give an address +more exact than 'somewhere in Oxford Street.' They think the man's +name is Baker, or something like that. Perhaps it is Flower; but the +suggestion of ideas ought to be intelligible to you, and is quite near +enough for them. They ask you to meet them when they come up to +London, but they do not give you either the station or the train. You +have to make a guess as near as you can; and when you reproach them, +they pay you the compliment of saying you are so clever, it was not +necessary for them to explain. + +If they have any friends out in Australia or India, they inquire of +you, just returned, if you happened to meet them? When you ask, Where +were they stationed?--they say they do not know; and when you suggest +that Madras and Calcutta are not in the same Presidencies, that India +is a large place and Australia not quite like an English county, they +look helpless and bewildered, and drift away into the vague geography +familiar to them, 'somewhere in India,' 'somewhere in Australia,' and +'I thought you might have met them.' For geography, like history, is +one of the branches of the tree of knowledge they have never climbed, +and the fruits thereof are as though they were not. + +But apart from the personal discomforts to which vague people subject +themselves, and the absurdities of which they are guilty, one cannot +help speculating on the spiritual state of folks to whom nothing is +precise, nothing definite, and no question of faith clearly thought +out. To be sure they may be great in the realm of conviction; but so +is the African savage when he hears the ghosts of his ancestors pass +howling in the woods; so is the Assassin of the Mountain, when he sees +heaven open as he throws himself on the spears of his enemies in an +ecstacy of faith, to be realized by slaughter and suicide. Convictions +based on imagination, unsupported by facts or proofs, are as worthless +in a moral as in a logical point of view; but the vague have nothing +better; and whether as politicians or as pietists, though they are +warm partizans they are but feeble advocates, fond of flourishing +about large generalities, but impossible to be pinned to any point and +unable to defend any position. To those who must have something +absolute and precise, however limited--one inch of firmly-laid +foundation on which to build up the superstructure--it is a matter of +more wonder than envy how the vague are content to live for ever in a +haze which has no clearness of outline, no definiteness of detail, and +how they can make themselves happy in a name--calling their fog faith, +and therewith counting themselves blessed. + + + + +_ARCADIA._ + + +Perhaps the largest amount of simple pleasure possible to adult life +is to be found in the first weeks of the summer's holiday, when the +hard-worked man of business leaves his office and all its anxieties +behind him, and goes off to the sea-side or the hills for a couple of +months' relaxation. Everything is so fresh to him, it is like the +renewal of his boyhood; and if he happens to have chosen a picturesque +place, where the houses stand well and make that ornate kind of +landscape to be found in show-places, he wonders how it is that people +who can stay here ever leave, or tire of the beauties that are so +delightful to him. Yet he hears of this comfortable mansion, with its +park and well-appointed grounds, waiting for an occupant; he is told +of that fairyland cottage, embowered in roses and jessamine, with a +garden gay and redolent with flowers, to be had for a mere song; and +he finds to his surprise that the owners of these choice corners of +Arcadia are only anxious to escape from what he would, if he could, be +only anxious to retain. + +In his first days this restlessness, this discontent, is simply +inconceivable. What more do they want than what they have? Why, that +field lying there in the sunshine, dotted about with dun-coloured cows +which glow like glorified Cuyps in the evening red, and backed by rock +and tree and tumbling cascade, would be enough to make him happy. He +could never weary of such a lovely bit of home scenery; and if to this +he adds a view of the sea, or the crags and purple shadows of a +mountain, he has wherewith to make him blessed for the remainder of +his life. So he thinks while the smoke of London and the sulphur of +the Metropolitan still cling about his throat, and the roar of the +streets has not quite died out of his ears. + +The woods are full of flowers and the rarer kind of insects, and he is +never sated with the sea. There is the trout stream as clear as +crystal, where he is sure of a rise if he waits long enough; the +moors, where he may shoot if he can put up a bird to shoot at, are +handy; and there is no end to the picturesque bits just made for his +sketch-book. Whatever his tastes may make him--naturalist, sailor, +sportsman, artist--he has ample scope for their exercise; and ten or +eleven months' disuse gives him a greater zest now that his playtime +has come round again. At every turn he falls upon little scenes which +give him an odd pleasure, as if they belonged to another life--things +he has seen in old paintings, or read of in quaint books, long ago. +Here go by two countrywomen, whose red and purple dresses are touched +by the sun with startling effect, as they wind up the grey hillside +road; there clatters past on horseback a group of market-girls with +flapping straw hats, and carrying their baskets on their arms as if +they were a set of Gainsborough's models come back to life, who turn +their dark eyes and fresh comely faces to the London man with frank +curiosity as they canter on and smother him with dust. Now he passes +through the midst of a village fair, where youths are dancing in a +barn to the sound of a cracked fiddle, and where, standing under an +ivied porch, a pretty young woman unconsciously makes a picture as she +bends down to fill a little child's held-up pinafore with sweets and +cakes. The idyl here is so complete that the contemplation of pence +given for the accommodation of the barn, or the calculation of +shillings to be spent in beer afterwards, or the likelihood that the +little one had brought a halfpenny in its chubby fist for the good +things its small soul coveted, does not enter his mind. + +The idea of base pelf in a scene so pure and innocent would be a kind +of high treason to the poetic instinct; so the London man +instinctively feels, glad to recognize the ideal he is mainly +responsible for making. How can it be otherwise? A heron is fishing in +the river; a kingfisher flashes past; swallows skim the ground or dart +slanting above his head; white-sailed boats glide close inshore; a +dragon-fly suns itself on a tall plumed thistle; young birds rustle in +and out of the foliage; distant cattle low; cottage children laugh; +everywhere he finds quiet, peace, absolute social repose, the absence +of disturbing passions; and it seems to him that all who live here +must feel the same delightful influences as those which he is feeling +now, and be as innocent and virtuous as the place is beautiful and +quiet. + +But the charm does not last. Very few of us retain to the end of our +holidays the same enthusiastic delight in our Arcadia that we had in +the beginning. Constant change of Arcadias keeps up the illusion +better; and with it the excitement; but a long spell in one place, +however beautiful--unless indeed, it lasts so long that one becomes +personally fond of the place and interested in the people--is almost +sure to end in weariness. At first the modern pilgrim is savagely +disinclined to society and his kind. All the signs and circumstances +of the life he has left behind him are distasteful. He likes to watch +the fishing-boats, but he abhors the steamers which put into his +little harbour, and the excursionists who come by them he accounts as +heathens and accursed. Trains, like steamers, are signs of a reprobate +generation and made only for evildoers. He has no reverence for the +post, and his soul is not rejoiced at the sight of letters. Even his +daily paper is left unopened, and no change of Ministry counts as +equal in importance with the picturesque bits he wishes to sketch, or +the rare ferns and beetles to be found by long rambles and much +diligence. By degrees the novelty wears off. His soul yearns after +the life he has left, and he begins to look for the signs thereof with +interest, not to say pleasure. He watches the arrival of the boat, or +he strolls up to the railway station and speculates on the new comers +with benevolence. If he sees a casual acquaintance, he hails him with +enthusiastic cordiality; and in his extremity is reduced to fraternize +with men 'not in his way.' He becomes peevish at the lateness of the +mail, and he reads his _Times_ from beginning to end, taking in even +the agony column and the advertisements. He finds his idyllic pictures +to be pictures, and nothing more. His Arcadians are no better than +their neighbours; and, as for the absence of human passions--they are +merely dwarfed to the dimensions of the life, and are as relatively +strong here as elsewhere. The inhabitants of those flowery cottages +quarrel among each other for trifles which he would have thought only +children could have noticed; and they gossip to an extent of which he +in his larger metropolitan life has no experience. + +If he stays a few weeks longer than is the custom of visitors, he is +as much an object of curiosity and surmise as if he were a man of +another hemisphere; and he may think himself fortunate if vague +reports do not get afloat touching his honesty, his morality, or his +sanity. Nine times out of ten, if a personage at home, he is nobody +here. He may be sure that, however great his name in art and +literature, it will not be accounted to him for honour--it will only +place him next to a well-conditioned mountebank; political fame, +patent to all the world, rank which no one can mistake, and money +which all may handle, alone going down in remote country places and +carrying esteem along with them. If a wise man, he will forgive the +uncharitable surmises and the contempt of which he is the object, +knowing the ignorance of life as well as the purposeless vacuity from +which they spring; but they are not the less unpleasant, and to +understand a cause is not therefore to rejoice in the effect. + +As time goes on, he finds Arcadian poverty of circumstance gradually +becoming unbearable. He misses the familiar conveniences and orderly +arrangements of his London life. He has a raging tooth, and there is +no dentist for miles round; he falls sick, or sprains his ankle, and +the only doctor at hand is a half tipsy vet., or perhaps an old woman +skilled in herbs, or a bone-setter with a local reputation. His +letters go astray among the various hands to which they are entrusted; +his paper is irregular; _Punch_ and his illustrated weeklies come a +day late, with torn covers and greasy thumbmarks testifying to the +love of pictorial art which encountered them by the way. He finds that +he wants the excitement of professional life and the changeful action +of current history. He feels shunted here, out of the world, in a +corner, set aside, lost. The rest is still delicious; but he misses +the centralized interest of metropolitan life, and catches himself +hankering after the old intellectual fleshpots with the fervour of an +exile, counting the days of his further stay. + +And then at last this rest, which has been so sweet, becomes monotony, +and palls on him. One trout is very like another trout, barring a few +ounces of weight. When he has expatiated on his first find of +moon-fern, and dug it up carefully by the roots for his own fernery at +Bayswater, he is slightly disgusted to come upon many tufts of +moon-fern, and to know that it is not so very rare hereabouts after +all, and that he cannot take away half he sees. Then too, he begins to +understand the true meaning of the pictures, Gainsborough and others, +which were so quaintly beautiful to him in the early days. The idyllic +youths dancing in the beerhouse barn are clumsy louts who are kept +from the commission of great offences mainly because they have no +opportunity for dramatic sins; but they indemnify themselves by petty +agricultural pilferings, and they get boozy on small beer. The pretty +market-girls cantering by, are much like other daughters of Eve +elsewhere, save that they have more familiarity with certain facts of +natural life than good girls in town possess, and are a trifle more +easy to dupe. On the whole, he finds human nature much the same in +essentials here as in London--Arcadia being the poorer of the two, +inasmuch as it wants the sharpness, the deftness, the refinement of +bearing given by much intercourse and the more intimate contact of +classes. + +By the time his holidays are over, our London man goes back to his +work invigorated in body, but quite sufficiently sated in mind to +return with pleasure to his old pursuits. He walks into the office +decidedly stouter than when he left, much sunburnt, and unfeignedly +glad to see them all again. It pleases him to feel like MacGregor on +his native heath once more; though his native heath is only a dingy +office in the E.C. district, with a view of his rival's chimney-pots. +Still it is pleasant; and to know that he is recognized as Mr. +So-and-So of the City, a safe man and with a character to lose, is +more gratifying to his pride than to have his quality and standing +discussed in village back-parlours and tap-rooms, and the question +whether he is a man whom Arcadia may trust, gravely debated by boors +whose pence are not as his pounds. He speaks with rapture of his +delightful holiday, and extols the virtues of Arcadia and the +Arcadians as warmly as if he believed in them. Perhaps he grumbles +ostentatiously at his return to harness; but in his heart he knows it +to be the better life; for, delicious as it is to sit in the sun +eating lotuses, it is nobler to weed out tares and to plant corn. + +The peace to which we are all looking is not to be had in a Highland +glen nor a Devonshire lane; and beautiful as are the retreats +and show-places to which men of business rush for rest and +refreshment--peaceful as they are to look at, and happy as it seems to +us their inhabitants must be--it is all only a matter of the eye. They +are Arcadias, if one likes to call them so; but while a man's powers +remain to him they are halting-places only, not homes; and he who +would make them his home before his legitimate time, would come to a +weariness which should cause him to regret bitterly and often the +collar which had once so galled him, and the work at the hardness of +which he had so often growled. + + + + +_STRANGERS AT CHURCH._ + + +If nothing is sacred to a sapper, neither is anything sacred to +temper, ostentation, vanity; and church as little as any place else. +In those thronged show-places which have what is called a summer +season, church is the great Sunday entertainment; and when the service +is of an ornate kind, and the strangers' seats are chairs placed at +the west end, where in old times the village choir or the village +schoolboys used to be, a great deal of human life goes on among the +occupants; and there are certain displays of temper and feeling which +make you ask yourself whether these strangers think it a religious +service, or an operatic, at which they have come to assist, and +whether what you see about you is quite in consonance with the spirit +of the place or not. If the church is one that presents scenic +attractions in the manner in which the service is conducted, there is +a run on the front middle seats, as if the ceremonies to be performed +were so much legerdemain or theatrical spectacle, of which you must +have a good view if you are to have your money's worth; and the more +knowing of the strangers take care to be early in the field, and to +establish themselves comfortably before the laggards come up. And when +the best places are all filled, and the laggards do come up, then the +human comedy begins. + +Here trip in a couple of giggling girls, greatly conscious of their +youth and good looks, but still more conscious of their bonnets. They +look with tittering dismay at the crowded seats all along the middle, +and when the verger makes them understand that they must go to the +back of the side aisle, where they can be seen by no one but will only +be able to hear the service and say their prayers, they hesitate and +whisper to each other before they finally go up, feeling that the +great object for which they came to church has failed them, and they +had better have stayed away and taken their chance on the parade. When +they speak of it afterwards, they say it was 'awfully slow sitting +there;' and they determine to be earlier another time. + +There sweep in a triad of superbly dressed women with fans and +scent-bottles, who disdainfully decline the back places which the same +verger, with a fine sense of justice and beginning to fail a little in +temper, inexorably assigns them. They too confer together, but by no +means in whispers; and finally elect to stand in the middle aisle, +trusting to their magnificence and quiet determination to get 'nice +places' in the pewed sittings. They are fine ladies who look as if +they were performing an act of condescension by coming at all without +special privileges and separation from the vulgar; as if they had an +inherent right to worship God in a superior and aristocratic manner, +and were not to be confounded with the rest of the miserable sinners +who ask for mercy and forgiveness. They are accustomed to the front +seats everywhere; so why not in the place where they say sweetly they +are 'nothing of themselves,' and pray to be delivered 'from pride, +vainglory, and hypocrisy'? That old lady, rouged and dyed and dressed +to represent the heyday of youth, who also is supposed to come to +church to say her prayers and confess her sins, looks as if she would +be more at home at the green tables at Homburg than in an unpretending +chair of the strangers' quarter in the parish church. But she finds +her places in her Prayer-book, if after a time and with much seeking; +and when she nods during the sermon, she has the good-breeding not to +snore. She too, has the odd trick of looking like condescension when +she comes in, trailing her costly silks and laces behind her; and by +her manner she leaves on you the impression that she was a beauty in +her youth; has been always used to the deference and admiration of +men; to servants and a carriage and purple and fine linen; that all of +you, whom she has the pleasure of surveying through her double +eyeglass, are nobodies in comparison with her august self; and that +she is out of place among you. She makes her demonstration, like the +rest, when she finds that the best seats are already filled and that +no one offers to stir that she may be well placed; and if she is +ruthlessly relegated to the back, and stays there, as she does +sometimes, your devotions are rendered uncomfortable by the +unmistakable protest conveyed in her own. Only a few humble Christians +in fashionable attire take those back places contentedly, and find +they can say their prayers and sing their hymns with spiritual comfort +to themselves, whether they are shut out from a sight of the +decorations on the altar and the copes and stoles of the officiating +ministers, or are in full view of the same. But then humble Christians +in fashionable attire are rare; and the old difficulty about the camel +and the needle's eye, remains. + +Again, in the manner of following the services you see the oddest +diversity among the strangers at church. The regular congregation has +by this time got pretty well in step together, and stands up or sits +down, speaks or keeps silence, with some kind of uniformity; even the +older men having come to tolerate innovations which at first split the +parish into factions. But the strangers, who have come from the north +and from the south, from the east and from the west, have brought +their own views and habits, and take a pride in making them manifest. +Say that the service is only moderately High--that is, conducted with +decency and solemnity but not going into extremes; your left-hand +neighbour evidently belongs to one of the ultra-Ritualistic +congregations, and disdains to conceal her affiliation. If she be a +tall woman, and therefore conspicuous, her genuflexions are more +profound than any other person's; and her sudden and automatic way of +dropping on her knees, and then getting up again as if she were worked +by wires, attracts the attention of all about her. She crosses herself +at various times; and ostentatiously forbears to use her book save at +certain congregational passages. She regards the service as an act of +priestly sacrifice and mediation, and her own attitude therefore is +one of acceptance, not participation. + +Your neighbour on your right is a sturdy Low Churchman, who sticks to +the ways of his father and flings hard names at the new system. He +makes his protest against what he calls 'all this mummery' visibly, if +not audibly. He sits like a rock during the occasional intervals when +modern congregations rise; and he reads his Prayer-book with unshaken +fidelity from first to last, making the responses, which are intoned +by the choir and the bulk of the congregation, in a loud and level +voice, and even muttering _sotto voce_ the clergyman's part after him. +In the creed, when the Ritualistic lady bends both her knees and +almost touches the ground, he simply bobs his head, as if saluting +Robinson or Jones; and during the doxology, where she repeats the +obeisance, and looks as if she were speaking confidentially to the +matting, he holds up his chin and stares about him. She, the +pronounced Ritualist, knows all the hymns by heart and joins in them +like one well accustomed; but he, the Evangelist, stumbles over the +lines, with his _pince-nez_ slipping off his nose, satisfied if he +catches a word here and there so as to know something of his +whereabouts. She sings correctly all through; but he can do no more +than put in a fancy note on occasions, and perhaps come in with a +flourish at the end. There are many such songsters at church who think +they have done all that can be demanded of them in the way of +congregational harmony if they hit the last two notes fairly, and join +the pack at the Amen. + +Sometimes the old-fashioned worshippers get put into the front row, +and there, without prayer-stool or chair-back against which to steady +themselves, find kneeling an impossibility; so they either sit with +their elbows on their knees, or betray associations with square pews +and comfortable corners at home, by turning their backs to the altar, +and burying their faces in their rush-bottomed seats. The Ritualist +would have knelt as straight as an arrow and without quivering once +all through. + +People are generally supposed to go to church for devotion, but, if +they do, devotion and vanity are twin sisters. Look at the number of +pretty hands which find it absolutely necessary to take off their +gloves, and which are always wandering up to the face in becoming +gestures and with the right curve. Or, if the hands are only mediocre, +the rings are handsome; and diamonds sparkle as well in a church as +anywhere else. And though one vows to renounce the lusts of the world +as well as of the flesh, there is no use in having diamonds if one's +neighbours don't see them. Look too, at the pretty faces which know so +well the effect produced by a little paint and powder beneath a +softening mask of thin white lace. Is this their best confession of +sin? And again, those elaborate toilets in which women come to pray +for forgiveness and humility; are they for the honour of God? It +strikes us that the honour of God has very little to do with that +formidable, and may be unpaid, milliner's bill, but the admiration of +men and the envy of other women a great deal. The Pope is wise to make +all ladies go to his religious festivals without bonnets and in rigid +black. It narrows the margin of coquetry somewhat, if it does not +altogether remove it. But dress ever was, and ever will be, as webs +spread in the way of woman's righteousness; and we have no doubt that +Eve frilled her apron of fig-leaves before she had worn it a day. + +All sorts of characters throng these strangers' seats; and some are +typical. There are the men of low stature and awkward bearing, with +stubbly chins, who stand in constrained positions and wear no gloves. +They look like grooms; they may be clerks; but they are the men on +whom _Punch_ has had his eye for many years now, when he portrays the +British snob and diversifies him with the more modern cad. Then there +are the well-dressed, well set-up gentlemen of military appearance, +who carry their umbrellas under their arms as if they were swords, and +are evidently accustomed to have their own will and command other +people's; and the men who look like portraits of Montague Tigg, in +cheap kid gloves and suspicious jewelry, who pray into their hats, or +make believe to pray, while their bold eyes rove all about, fixing +themselves most pertinaciously on the old lady with the diamonds and +the giggling young ones with the paint. There is the bride in a white +bonnet and light silk dress, who carries an ivory-backed Church +Service with the most transparent attempts at unconsciousness, and the +bridegroom who lounges after her and looks sheepish; sometimes it is +the bride who straggles bashfully, and the groom who boldly leads the +way. There is the young widow with new weeds; the sedate mother of +many daughters; paterfamilias, with his numerous olive-branches, +leading on his arm the exuberant wife of his bosom flushed with coming +up the hill; the walking tourist, whose respect for Sunday goes to the +length of a clean collar and a clothes-brush; and the female +traveller, economical of luggage, who wears her waterproof and +sea-side hat, and is independent and not ashamed. There are the people +who come for simple distraction, because Sunday is such a dull day in +a strange place, and there is nothing else to do; and those who come +because it is respectable and the right thing, and they are accustomed +to it; those who come to see and be seen; and those--the select few, +the simple yearning souls--who come because they do honestly feel the +church to be the very House of God, and that prayer with its +confession of sin helps them to live better lives. But, good or bad, +vain or simple, arrogant or humble, they all sweep out when the last +word is said, and the cottagers and small townsfolk stand at their +doors to see them pass--'the quality coming out of church' counting as +_their_ Sunday sight. The women get ideas in millinery from the show, +and discuss with each other what is worn this year, and how ever can +they turn their old gowns into garments that shall imitate the last +effort of a Court milliner's genius--the result of many sleepless +nights? Fine ladies ridicule these clumsy apings of their humble +sisters, and long for the old sumptuary laws to be in force on all +below them; but if Sunday is the field-day and church the +parade-ground of the strangers, we cannot wonder if the natives try to +participate in the amusement. If Lady Jane likes to confess her shame +and humiliation on a velvet cushion and in silk attire, can we +reasonably blame Joan that her soul hankers after a hassock of felt, +and a penance-sheet of homespun cut according to my lady's pattern? + + + + +_IN SICKNESS._ + + +Life not being holiday-making throughout, we have to allow for the bad +half-hours that must come to us; and, if we are wise, we make +provision to pass them with as little annoyance as possible. And of +all the bad half-hours to which we are destined, those to be spent in +sickness need the greatest amount of care to render them endurable. +Without going to the length of Michelet's favourite theory, which sees +in every woman nothing but an invalid more or less severely afflicted +according to individual temperament, but always under the influence of +diseased nerves and controlled by sickly fancies, there is no doubt +that women suffer very much more than men; while their patience under +physical ailments is one of the traditional graces with which they are +credited. Where men fume and fret at the interruption to their lives +brought about by a fit of illness, calculating anxiously the loss they +are sustaining during the forced inaction of their convalescence, +women submit resignedly, and make the best of the inevitable. With +that clear sense of Fate characteristic of them, they do not fight +against the evil which they know has to be borne, but wisely try to +lighten it by such wiles and arts as are open to them, and set +themselves to adorn the cross they must endure. One thing indeed, +makes invalidism less terrible to them than to men; and that is their +ability to perform their home duties, if not quite as efficiently as +when they are up and about, yet well enough for all practical purposes +in the conduct of the family. The woman who gives her mind to it can +keep her house in smooth working gear by dictation from her sick +couch; and what she cannot actively overlook she can arrange. So far +this removes the main cause of irritation with which the man must +battle in the best way he can, when his business comes to a +stand-still; or is given up into the hands of but a makeshift kind of +substitute taken at the best; while he is laid on his back undergoing +many things from doctors for the good of science and the final +settling of doubtful pathological points. + +Another reason why women are more patient than men during sickness is +that they can amuse themselves better. One gets tired of reading all +day long with the aching eyes and weary brain of weakness; yet how few +things a man can do to amuse himself without too great an effort, and +without being dependent on others! But women have a thousand pretty +little devices for whiling away the heavy hours. They can vary their +finger-work almost infinitely, and they find real pleasure in a new +stitch or a stripe of a different colour and design from the last. In +the contempt in which needlework in all its forms is held by the +advanced class of women, its use during the period of convalescence, +when it helps the lagging time as nothing else can, is forgotten. Yet +it is no bad wisdom to remember that the day of sickness will probably +come some time to us all; and to lay in stores of potential interest +and cheerfulness against that day is a not unworthy use of power. +Certain it is that this greater diversity of small, unexciting, +unfatiguing occupations enables women to bear a tedious illness with +comparative patience, and helps to keep them more cheerful than men. + +But when the time shall have come for the perfect development of the +androgynous creature, who is as yet only in the pupal state of her +existence, women will have lost these two great helps. Workers outside +the home like their husbands and brothers, like them they will fume +and fret when they are prevented from following their bread-winning +avocations; calculations of the actual money loss they are sustaining +coming in to aggravate their bodily pains. And, as the needle is +looked on as one of the many symbols of feminine degradation, in the +good time coming there will be none of that pretty trifling with silks +and ribbons which may be very absurd by the side of important work, +but which is invaluable as an invalid's pastime. Consequently, what +with the anguish of knowing that her profession is neglected, and what +with the unenlivened tedium of her days, sickness will be a formidable +thing to women of the androgynous type--and to the men belonging to +them. + +Again, care and tact are required to rob sickness of its more painful +features, and to render it not too distressing to the home companions. +A real woman, with her instincts properly developed--among them the +instinct of admiration--knows how to render even invalidism beautiful; +and indeed, with her power of improving occasions, she is never more +charming than as an invalid or a convalescent. There is a certain +refined beauty about her more seductive than the robuster bloom of +health. Her whole being seems purified. The coarser elements of +humanity are obscured, passions are at rest, and all those fretful, +anxious strivings, which probably afflict her when in the full swing +of society, are put away as if they had never been. She is forced to +let life glide, and her own mind follows the course of the quieter +flow. She knows too how to make herself bewitching by the art which is +not artifice so much as the highest point to which her natural +excellences can be brought. If the radiance of health has gone, she +has the sweeter, subtler loveliness of fragility; if her diamonds are +laid aside, and all that glory of dress which does so much for women +is perforce abandoned, the long, loose folds of falling drapery, with +their antique grace, perhaps suit her better, and the fresh flowers on +her table may be more suggestive and delightful than artificial ones +in her hair. + +Many a drifting husband has been brought back to his first enthusiasm +by the illness of a wife who knew how to turn evil things into good, +and to extract a charm even out of suffering. It is a turn of the +kaleidoscope; a recombination of the same elements but in a new +pattern and with fresh loveliness; whereas the androgynous woman, with +her business worries and her honest, if impolitic, self-surrender to +hideous flannel wraps and all the uglinesses of a sick room crudely +pronounced, would have added a terror to disease which probably would +have quenched his waning love for ever. For the androgynous woman +despises every approach to coquetry, as she despises all the other +insignia of feminine servitude. It is not part of her life's duties to +make herself pleasing to men; and they must take her as they find her. +Where the true woman contrives a beauty and creates a grace out of her +very misfortune, the androgynous holds to the doctrine of spades and +the value of the unvarnished truth. Where the one gives a little +thought to the most becoming colour of her ribbon or the best +arrangement of her draperies, the other pushes the tangled locks off +her face anyhow, and makes herself an amorphous bundle of brown and +lemon colour. Her sole wish is to get the bad time over. How it would +be best got over does not trouble her; and to beautify the inherently +unlovely is beyond her skill to compass. Hence her hours of sickness +go by in ugliness and idle fretting; while the true woman finds +graceful work to do that enlivens their monotony, and in the +continuance of her home duties loses the galling sense of loss from +which the other suffers. + +In sickness too, who but women can nurse? Men make good nurses enough +out in the bush, where nothing better can be had; and a Californian +'pardner' is tender enough in his uncouth way to his mate stricken +down with fever in the shanty, when he comes in at meal-times and +administers quinine and brick tea with horny hands bleeding from cuts +and begrimed with mud. But this is not nursing in the woman's sense. +To be sure the strength of men makes them often of value about an +invalid. They can lift and carry as women cannot; and the want of a +few nights' sleep does not make them hysterical. Still they are +nowhere as nurses, compared with women; and the best of them are not +up to the thoughtful cares and pleasant attentions which, as medical +men know, are half the battle in recovery. And this is work which +suits women. It appeals to their love of power and tenderness +combined; it gratifies the maternal instinct of protection and +self-sacrifice; and it pleasantly reverses the usual order of things, +and gives into their hands Hercules twirling a distaff the wrong way, +and fettered by the length of his skirts. + +The bread-winning wife knows nothing of all this. To her, sickness in +her household would be only a degree less destructive than her own +disablement, if she were called on to nurse. She would not be able to +leave her office for such unremunerative employment as soothing her +children's feverish hours or helping her husband over his. She would +calculate, naturally enough, the difference of cost between hired help +and her own earnings; and economy as well as inclination would decide +the question. But the poor fellow left all day long to the +questionable services of a hired nurse, or to the clumsy honesty of +some domestic Phyllis less deft than faithful, would be a gainer by +his wife's presence--granting that she was a real woman and not an +androgyne--even if he lost the addition to their income which her work +might bring in; as he would rather, when he came home from his work to +her sick bed, find her patient and cheerful, making the best of things +from the woman's point of view and with the woman's power of +adaptation, than be met with anxious queries as to the progress of +business; with doubts, fears, perplexities; the office dragged into +the sick room, and unnecessary annoyance added to unavoidable pain. + +There is a certain kind of woman, sweet always, who yet shows best +when she is invalided. Cleared for a while from the social tangles +which perplex and distress the sensitive, she is as if floated into a +quiet corner where she has time to think and leisure to be her true +self undisturbed; where she is able too, to give more to her friends, +if less to the world at large than at other times. And she is always +to be found. The invalid-couch is the rallying point of the household, +and even the little children learn to regard it as a place of +privilege dearer than the stately drawing-room of ordinary times. Her +friends drop in, sure to find her at home and pleased by their +coming; and her afternoon teas with her half-dozen chosen intimates +have a character of their own, æsthetic and delightful; partly owing +to the quiet and subdued tone that must perforce pervade them, partly +to the unselfishness that reigns on all sides. Every one exerts +himself to bring her things which may amuse her, and she is loaded +with presents of a graceful kind--new books, early fruit, and a wealth +of flowers to which even her poorest friend adds his bunch of violets, +if nothing else. She is the precious child of her circle, and but for +her innate sweetness would run a risk of being the spoilt one. Clever +men come and talk to her, give her cause of thought, and knowledge to +remember and be made glad by for all time; her lady friends keep her +abreast of the outside doings of the world and their own especial +coteries, contributing the dramatic element so dear to the feminine +mind; every one tells her all that is afloat on the sea of society, +but only all that is cheerful--no one brings her horrors, nor disturbs +the frail grace of her repose with petty jealousies and tempers. Her +atmosphere is pure and serene, and the dainty loveliness of her +surroundings lends its charm to the rest. + +To her husband she is even more beautiful than in the early days; and +all men feel for her that chivalrous kind of tenderness and homage +which the true woman alone excites. The womanly invalid, gentle, +cheerful, full of interest for others, active in mind if prostrate in +body, sympathetic and patient, is for the time the queen of her +circle, loved and ministered to by all; and when she goes to Cannes or +San Remo to escape the cruelty of the English winter, she carries with +her a freight of good wishes and regrets, and leaves a blank which +nothing can fill up until she returns with the summer roses to take +her place once more as the popular woman of her society. + + + + +_ON A VISIT._ + + +To most young people the social arrangement known as going on a visit +to friends at a distance is one of the most charming things possible. +Novelty being to them the very breath of life, and hope and +expectation their normal mental condition, the mere fact of change is +in itself delightful; unless it happens to be something so hopelessly +dull as a visit single-handed to an invalid grandmother, or the yearly +probation of a girl of the period, when obliged to put herself under +the charge of a wealthy maiden aunt with strict principles and no +games of any kind allowed on the lawn. If the young ladies out on a +visit are however, moderately cheerful, they can contrive to make +amusement for themselves out of anything short of such sober-tinted +extremes as these; and very often they effect more serious matters +than mere amusement, and their visit brings them a love-affair or a +marriage which changes the whole tenor of their lives. At the worst, +it has shown them a new part of the country; given them new patterns +of embroidery; new fashions of hairdressing; new songs and waltzes; +and afforded an occasion for a large supply of pretty dresses--which +last to most young women, or indeed to most women whether young or +old, is a very effectual source of pleasure. + +The great charm and excitement of going on a visit belongs naturally +to the young of the middle classes; among those of higher condition it +is a different matter altogether. When people take their own servants +with them and live in exactly the same style as at home, they merely +change the furniture of their rooms and the view from the windows. The +same kind of thing goes on at Lord A.'s as at Lord B.'s, in the +Scottish Highlands or the Leicestershire wolds. The quality of the +hunting or shooting may be different, but the whole manner of living +is essentially repetition; and the dead level of civilization is not +broken up by any very startling innovations anywhere. But among the +middle classes there is greater variety; and the country clergyman's +daughter who goes on a visit to the London barrister's family, plunges +into a manner of life totally different from that of her own home; the +personal habits of town and country still remaining quite distinct, +and the possibilities of action being on two different plans +altogether. + +A London-bred woman goes down to the country on a visit to a hale, +hearty Hessian, her former school-fellow, who tucks up her woollen +gown midway to her knees, wears stout boots of masculine appearance, +and goes quite comfortably through mud and mire, across ploughed +field and undrained farmyards--taking cramped stiles and five-barred +gates in her way as obstacles of no more moment than was the mud or +the mire. Long years of use to this unfastidious mode of existence +have blinded her to the perception that a woman, without being an +invalid, may yet be unable to do all that is so easy to her. So the +London lady is taken for a walk, say of five or six miles, which to +the vigorous Hessian is a mere unsatisfying stroll, to be counted no +more as serious exercise than she would count a spoonful of +_vol-au-vent_ as serious eating. To be sure the walk includes a few +muddy corners and the like, and Bond Street boots do not bear the +strain of stiff clay clods too well; neither is a new gown of the +fashionable colour improved by being dragged through furze bushes and +bracken, and brushed against the wet heads of field cabbages. +Moreover, crossing meadows tenanted by cattle that toss their heads +and look--and looking, in horned cattle, is a great offence to our +town-bred woman--is a service of peril which alone would take all the +strength out of her nerves, and all the pleasure out of her walk; but +the hostess cannot imagine feelings which she herself does not share, +and the London lady is of course credited with courage, because to +doubt it would be to cast a slur on her whole moral character. The +Hessian minds the beasts no more than so many tree-stumps, but her +friend sees a raging bull in every milky mother that stares at her as +she passes, and thinks something dreadful is going to happen because +the flies make the heifers swish their tails and stamp. Then the dogs +bark furiously as they rush out of farmsteads and cottages; and the +newly dressed fields are not pleasant to cross nor skirt. The visitor +cares little for wild flowers, less for birds, and all trees are +pretty much alike to her; and this long rude walk, accentuated with +the true country emphasis, has been too much for her. Her host wonders +at her evening lassitude and low spirits, and fears that she finds it +dull; and the robust hostess anathematizes the demoralizing effects of +Kensington, and scornfully contrasts her present friend with her past, +when they were both schoolgirls together and on a par in strength and +endurance. 'She was like other people then,' says the well-trained +Hessian who has kept herself in condition by daily exercise of a +severe character; 'and now see what a poor creature she is! She can do +nothing but work at embroidery and crouch shivering over the fire.' + +Sometimes however, it happens the other way, and the lady guest, even +though a Londoner, is the stronger of the two. The wife has been +broken down by family cares and the one inevitable child too many; the +guest comes fresh, unworn, unmarried, still young. The wife seldom +goes beyond the garden, never further than the village, and is knocked +up if she has done two miles; the guest can manage her six or eight +without fatigue. Hence she naturally becomes the husband's walking +companion during her visit, to his frank delight and as frank regrets +that his wife cannot do as much. And the wife, though good-breeding +and natural kindness prevent her objecting to these long walks, finds +them hard lines all things considered. Most probably she bitterly +regrets having invited her former friend, and mentally resolves never +to ask her again. She wanted her as a little amusement and relaxation +for herself. Her health is delicate and her life dull, and she thought +a female friend in the house would cheer her up and be a help. But +when she finds that she has invited one who, without in the least +intending it and only by the force of circumstances, sets her in +unfavourable contrast with her husband, we may be sure that it will +not take much argument to convince her that asking friends on a visit +is a ridiculous custom, and that people, especially young ladies fond +of long walks, are best at their own homes. + +In London there are two kinds of guests from the country; the +insatiable, and the indifferent--those who wear out their hosts by +their activity and those who oppress them by their supineness. The +Londoner who has outlived all the excitement of the busy city life +wonders at the energy and enthusiasm of his friend. Everything must be +done, even to the Tower and the Whispering Gallery, Madame Tussaud's +and the Agricultural Hall. There is not a second-rate trumpery trifle +which has been in the shop windows for a year or more, that is not +pored over, and if possible, bought; and among the inflictions of the +host may be counted the crude taste of the guest, and the childish +flinging away of money on things absolutely worthless. Or it may be +that the guest has come up stored with many maxims of worldly wisdom +and vague suspicion, and, determined not to be taken in, attempts to +bargain in shops where a second price would be impossible, and where +the host is personally known. + +With guests of superabundant energy a quiet evening is out of the +question. They go the round of all the theatres, and fill in the gaps +with the opera and concerts. They have come up not to stay with you, +but to see London; and they fulfil their intention liberally. Or they +are indifferent and supine, and not to be amused, do what you will. +They think everything a bore, or they are nervous and not up to the +mark. They beseech you not to ask any one to dinner, and not to take +them with you to any reception. They are listless at the theatre and +go to sleep at the opera. At the Royal Academy the only pictures they +notice are those landscapes taken from their own neighbourhood, or +perhaps one by a local artist known to them. All the finest works of +the year fall flat; and before you have seen half the exhibition, they +say they have had enough of it, and sit down, plaintively offering to +wait till you have done, in the tone of a Christian martyr. + +These are the people who are always complaining of the dirt and smoke +of London and the stuffiness of the houses, as if they were personally +injured and you personally responsible. They show a very decided +scorn for all London produce, natural or artificial, and wonder how +people can live in such a place. They are sure to deride the +prevailing fashions, whatever they may be; while their own, of last +season, are exaggerated and excessive; but they refuse to have the +town touch laid on them during their stay, and heroically follow the +millinery gospel of their local Worth, and measure you by themselves. +They show real animation only when they are going away, and begin to +wonder how they shall find things at home, and whether Charles will +meet them at the station or send William instead. But when they write +to thank you for your hospitality, they tell you they never enjoyed +anything so much in their lives; leaving you in a state of perplexity, +as you remember their boredom, and peevish complainings, and evident +relief in leaving, and compare your remembrance with the warm +expressions of pleasure now before your eyes. All you can say is, that +if they were pleased they took an odd way of showing it. + +There are people rash enough to have other people's children on a +visit; to take on themselves the responsibility of their health and +safety, when the young guests are almost sure to fall ill by the +change of diet and the unwonted amount of indulgence allowed, or to +come into some trouble by the relaxing of due supervision and control. +They get a touch of gastric fever, or they tumble into the pond; and +either bronchitis, or a fall from horseback, toppling over from a +ladder, or coming to grief on the swing, or some such accident, is +generally the result of an act which is either heroism or madness as +one may be inclined to regard it. For of all the inconveniences +attending visiting, those incidental to child-guests are the most +distressing. Yet there are philanthropic friends who run these risks +for the sake of giving pleasure to a few young people. Whether they +deserve canonization for their kindness or censure for their rashness +we leave an open question. + +As for a certain disturbance in health, that generally comes to other +than children from being on a visit. Hours and style of food are sure +to be somewhat different from those of home; and the slight constraint +of the life, and the feverishness which this induces, add to the +disturbance. Occupations are interrupted both to the guest and the +host; and some hosts think it necessary to make company for the guest, +and some guests are heavy on hand. Some regard your house as a gaol +and you as the gaoler, and are afraid to initiate an independent +action or to call their souls their own; others treat you as a +landlord, and behave as if you kept an inn, making a convenience of +your household in the most unblushing manner. Some are fastidious, and +covertly snub your wines, your table, and your whole arrangements; +others embarrass you by the fervour of their admiration, as if they +had come out of a hovel and did not know the usages of civilized +homes. Some intrude themselves into every small household matter that +goes on before them, and offer advice that is neither wanted nor +desired; and others will not commit themselves to the most innocent +opinion, fearful lest they should be thought to interfere or take +sides. Some of the women dress at the husband; some of the men flirt +with the wife or make love to the daughters surreptitiously; some loaf +about or play billiards all day long till you are tired of the sound +of their footsteps and the click of the balls; other bury their heads +in a book and are no better than mummies lounging back in easy chairs; +some insist on going to the meet in a hard frost; others will shoot in +a downpour; and others again waste your whole day over the +chess-table, and will not stir out at all. Some are so sensitive and +fidgety that they will not stay above a day or two, and are gone +before you have got into the habit of seeing them, leaving you with +the feeling of a whirlwind having passed through your house; and +others, when they come, stick, and you begin to despair of dislodging +them. + +On the other hand, there are houses where you feel that you would wear +out your welcome after the third day, how long soever the distance you +have come; and there are others where you would offend your hosts for +life if you did not throw overboard every other duty and engagement to +remain for as many weeks as they desire. In fact, paying visits and +inviting guests are both risky matters, and need far more careful +consideration than they generally receive. But when it happens that +the thing is congenial on both sides, that the guest slips into a +vacant place as it were, and neither bores nor is bored, then paying a +visit is as delightful as the young imagination pictures it to be; and +the peculiar closeness and sweetness of intimacy it engenders is one +of the most enduring and charming circumstances incidental to +friendship. This however, is rare and exceptional; as are most of the +very good things of life. + + + + +_DRAWING-ROOM EPIPHYTES._ + + +In every coterie we find certain stray damsels unattached; young +ladies of personable appearance and showy accomplishments who go about +the world alone, and whose parents, never seen, are living in some +obscure lodgings where they pinch and screw to furnish their +daughter's bravery. Some one or two great ladies of the set patronize +these girls, take them about a good deal, and ask them to all their +drums and at-homes. They are useful in their degree; very +good-natured; always ready to fetch and carry in a confidential kind +of way; to sing and play when they are asked--and they sing and play +with almost professional skill; full of the small talk of the day, and +not likely to bore their companions with untimely discussions on +dangerous subjects, nor to startle them with enthusiasm about +anything. They serve to fill a vacant place when wanted; and they look +nice and keep up the ball so far as their own sphere extends. They are +safe, too; and, though lively and amusing, are never known to retail +gossip nor talk scandal in public. + +Who are they? No one exactly knows. They are Miss A. and Miss B., and +they have collaterals of respectable name and standing; cousins in +Government offices; dead uncles of good military rank; perhaps a +father, dead or alive, with a quite unexceptionable position; but you +never see them with their natural belongings, and no one thinks of +visiting them at their own homes. They are sure to have a mother in +bad health, who never goes out and never sees any one; and if you +should by chance come across her, you find a shabby, painful, peevish +woman who seems at odds with life altogether, and who is as unlike her +showy daughter as a russet wren is unlike a humming-bird. The +drawing-room epiphyte introduces mamma, when necessary, with a +creditable effort at indifference, not to say content, with her +conditions; but if you can read signs, you know what she is feeling +about that suit of rusty black, and how little she enjoys the +rencounter. + +Sometimes she has a brother, of whom she never speaks unless obliged, +and of whose occupation and whereabouts, when asked, she gives only +the vaguest account. He has an office in the City; or he has gone +abroad; or he is in the navy and she forgets the name of his ship; +but, whatever he is, you can get no clue more distinct than this. If +you should chance to see him, you get a greater surprise than you had +when you met the mother; and you wonder, with a deeper wonder, how +such a sister should have sprung from the same stock as that which +produced such a brother. Sometimes however, the brother is as +presentable as the sister; in which case he probably follows much the +same course as herself, and hangs on to the skirts of those of the +Upper Ten who recognize him--preferring to idle away his life and +energy as a well-dressed epiphyte of greatness rather than live the +life of a man in a lower social sphere. But, as a rule, stray damsels +have neither brothers nor sisters visible to the world, and only a +widowed mother in the background, whose health is bad and who does not +go out. + +The ulterior object of the ladies who patronize these pretty epiphytes +is to get them married; partly from personal kindness, partly from the +pleasure all women have in bringing about a marriage that does not +interfere with themselves. But they seldom accomplish this object. Who +is to marry the epiphyte? The men of the society into which she has +been brought from the outside have their own ambitions to realize. +They want money, or land, or a good family connexion, to make the +sacrifice an equal bargain and to gild the yoke of matrimony with +becoming splendour. And the drawing room epiphyte has nothing to offer +as her contribution but a fine pair of eyes, a good-natured manner, +and a pretty taste for music. To marry well among the society in which +she finds herself is therefore almost impossible. And her tastes have +been so far formed as to render a marriage into lower circumstances +almost as impossible on the other side. + +Besides, what could she do as the wife of a clergyman, say on three +hundred a year, with a poor parish to look after and an increasing +tribe of babies to feed and clothe? Her clear high notes, her splendid +register, her brilliant touch, will not help her then; and the taste +with which she makes up half-worn silk gowns, and transforms what was +a rag into an ornament, will not do much towards finding the necessary +boots and loaves which keep her sisters awake at night wondering how +they are to be got. She has been taught nothing of the art of home +life, if she has learnt much of that of the drawing-room. She cannot +cook, nor make a little go a long way by the cunning of good +management and a well-masked economy; she cannot do serviceable +needlework, though she may be great in fancy work, and quite a genius +in millinery; and the habit of having plenty of servants about her has +destroyed the habit of turning her hand to anything like energetic +self-help. Epiphyte as she is, penniless stray damsel more than half +maintained by the kindness of her grand friends, she has to keep up +the sham of appearances before those friends' domestics. And as +ladyhood in England is chiefly measured by a woman's uselessness, and +to do anything in the way of rational work would be a spot on her +ermine, the poor epiphyte of the drawing-room, with mamma in rusty +black in those shabby lodgings of theirs, learns in self-defence to +practise all the foolish helplessness of her superiors; and, to retain +the respect of the servants, loses her own. + +What is she then but one of those misplaced beings who are neither of +one sphere nor of another? She is not of the _grandes dames_ on her +own account, yet she lives in their houses as one among them. She is +not a woman who can make the best of things; who, notable and +industrious, and by her clever contrivances of saving and substitution +is able to order a home comfortably on next to nothing; and yet she +has no solid claim to anything but the undercut of the middle classes, +and no right to expect more than the most ordinary marriage. She is +nothing. Ashamed and unable to work, she has to accept gratuities +which are not wages. Waiting on Providence and floated by her friends, +she wanders though society ever on the look-out for chances. Each new +acquaintance is a fresh hope, and every house that opens to her +contains the potentiality of final success. To be met everywhere is +the ultimate point of her ambition with respect to means; the end kept +steadily, if fruitlessly, in view, is that satisfying settlement which +shall take her out of the category of a hanger-on and give her a +_locus standi_ of her own. But it does not come. + +Year by year we meet the drawing-room epiphyte in the old haunts--at +Brighton; at Ryde; at half-a-dozen good houses in London; on a visit +to the friends who make much of her one day and snub her the next--but +she does not 'go off.' She is pretty, she is agreeable, she is well +dressed, she is accomplished; but she does not find the husband for +whom all this is offered as the equivalent. Year by year she grows +fatter or thinner as her constitution expands into obesity or shrivels +into leanness; the lines about her fine eyes deepen; the powder is a +little thicker on her cheeks; and there are more than shrewd +suspicions of a touch of rouge or of antimony, with a judicious +application of patent hair-restorer to lift up the faded tints. +Fighting desperately with that old enemy Time, she disputes line by +line the tribute he claims; and succeeds so far as to continue a good +make-up for a year or two after other women of her own age have given +in and consented to look their years. But the drawing-room epiphyte is +nothing if she is not young--which is synonymous with power to +interest and amuse. Her friends, the great ladies who hold +drawing-rooms and gather society in shoals, want points of colour in +their rooms as well as serviceable foils. The apple-pie that was all +made of quinces was a failure, wanting the homely _couche_ from which +the savour of the more fragrant fruit might be thrown up. On the other +hand there are social meetings which are like apple-pies without any +quince at all; and then the epiphyte is invaluable, and her music +worth as much in its degree as if she were a prima donna, each of +whose notes ranked as gold. So that when she ceases to be young, when +she loses her high notes and has gout in her fingers, she fails in her +only _raison d'être_, and her occupation is gone. Hence her hard +struggles with the old enemy, and her half-heroic, half-tragic +determination not to give in while a shred of force remains. + +On the day when she collapses into an old woman she is lost. She has +nothing for it then but to withdraw from the brilliant drawing-rooms +she has so long haunted into dingy lodgings in a back street, and live +as her mother lived before her. Forgotten by the world which she has +spent her life in waiting on, she has leisure to reflect on the +relative values of things, and to lament, as she probably will, that +she gave living grain for gilded husks; that she exchanged the +realities of love and home, which might have been hers had she been +contented to accept them on a lower social scale, for the barren +pleasures of the day and the delusive hope of marrying well in a +sphere where she had no solid foothold. She had her choice, like +others; but she chose to throw for high stakes at heavy odds, and in +so doing let slip what she originally held. The bird in the hand might +have been of a homely kind enough; still, it was always the bird; +while the two golden pheasants in the bush flew away unsalted, and +left her only their shadows to run after. + +On the whole then, we incline to the belief that the drawing-room +epiphyte is a mistake, and that those stray damsels who wander about +society unattended by any natural protector and always more or less in +the character of adventuresses, would do better to keep to the sphere +determined by parental circumstances than to let themselves be taken +into one which does not belong to them and which they cannot hold. +And furthermore it seems to us that, irrespective of its present +instability and future fruitlessness, the position of a drawing-room +epiphyte is one which no woman of sense would accept, and to which no +woman of spirit would submit. + + + + +_THE EPICENE SEX._ + + +There has always been in the world a kind of women whom one scarcely +knows how to classify as to sex; men by their instincts, women by +their form, but neither men nor women as we regard either in the +ideal. In early times they were divided into two classes; the Amazons +who, donning helmet and cuirass, went to the wars that they might be +with their lovers, or perhaps only for an innate liking for rough +work; and the tribe of ancient women, so withered and so wild, who +should be women yet whose beards forbade men so to account them, and +for whom public opinion usually closed the controversy by declaring +that they were witches--that is, creatures so unlike the rightful +woman of nature that only the devil himself was supposed to be +answerable for them. These particular manifestations have long since +passed away, and we have nowadays neither Amazons learning the +goose-step in our barrack-yards, nor witches brewing hell-broth on +Scottish moors; but we have the Epicene Sex all the same--women who +would defy the acutest social Cuvier among us to classify, but who +are growing daily into more importance and making continually fresh +strides in their unwholesome way. + +Possessed by a restless discontent with their appointed work, and +fired with a mad desire to dabble in all things unseemly, which they +call ambition; blasphemous to the sweetest virtues of their sex, which +until now have been accounted both their own pride and the safeguard +of society; holding it no honour to be reticent, unselfish, patient, +obedient, but swaggering to the front, ready to try conclusions in +aggression, in selfishness, in insolent disregard of duty, in cynical +abasement of modesty, with the hardest and least estimable of the men +they emulate;--these women of the doubtful gender have managed to drop +all their own special graces while unable to gather up any of the more +valuable virtues of men. They are no more philosophical than the most +inconsequent sister who judges all things according to her feelings, +and commends or condemns principles as she happens to like or dislike +the persons advocating them; and they are as hysterical and +intemperate in their political cries as if the whole world wagged by +impulse only. They are no more magnanimous under rebuke than the +stanchest advocate of the sacredness of sex, but resent all hostile +criticism as passionately, and from grounds as merely personal, as if +they were still shrouded from public blame by the safety of their +privacy; and they are as little useful in their blatant energy as when +they spent their days in working monstrous patterns in crude-coloured +wools, or found spiritual satisfaction in cutting holes in strips of +calico to sew up again with a new stitch. They have committed the +mistake of abandoning such work as they can do well, while trying to +manipulate things which they touch only to spoil; they have ceased to +be women and not learnt to be men; they have thrown aside beauty and +not put on strength. + +The latest development of the impulses which animate the epicene sex +has taken its expression in after-dinner oratory. If we were as +malicious to women as those whose follies we rebuke would have the +world believe, we should encourage them to fight it out with womanly +modesty and the world's esteem on this line. Their worst enemies could +not wish to see them inflict on themselves a greater annoyance than +the obligation of getting on their legs after the cheese has been +removed, to turn on a stream of verbal insipidity for a quarter of an +hour at a stretch. Only men who have something to say on the subject +that may be on hand, and so are glad of every opportunity for +elucidation or advocacy, or men who are eaten up with vanity, take +pleasure in speechifying after dinner. Its uselessness is apparent; +its mock hilarity is ghastly; even at political 'banquets,' when words +are supposed to have some deep meaning, we get very little substance +in it; while all the funny part of the business is the dreariest +comedy, the unreality of which brings it close to tragedy. + +If anything were wanting to show how much vanity prompts a certain +class of women in their ways and works, and how tremendous is their +passion for notoriety and personal display, it would be this +assumption of the functions of the post-prandial orator. Indeed they +have taken greatly of late to public speaking all round; and some +among them seem only easy when they are standing before a crowd, to be +admired if they are pretty, applauded if they are pert, and, in any +case, the centre of attraction for the moment. We do not look forward +with pleasure to the time when ladies will rise after their champagne +and port, with flushed cheeks and eyes more bright than beautiful, +steadying themselves adroitly against the back of their chairs, and +rolling out either those interminable periods with no nominatives and +no climax under which we have all so often suffered, or spasmodically +jerking forth a few unconnected sentences of which the sole merit is +their brevity. In the beginning of things, when the wedge has to be +introduced, only the best of its kind puts itself forward; and +doubtless the ladies who have already varied the usual dull routine of +after-dinner oratory by their livelier utterances have done the thing +comparatively well, and avoided a breakdown; but we own that we +tremble at the thought of the flood of feminine eloquence which will +be let loose if the fashion spreads. + +Fancy the heavy British matron rearing her ample shoulders above the +board, as she lays down the law on the duties of men towards +women--especially sons-in-law--and the advantage to all concerned if +wives are liberally dealt with in the matter of housekeeping money, +and let to go their own way without marital hindrance. Or think of the +woman's-rights woman, with her hybrid costume and her hard face, +showing society how it can be saved from destruction only by throwing +the balance of power into the hands of women--by the nobler and +brighter instincts of the oppressed sex swamping that rude, rough, +masculine element which has so long mismanaged matters. Or even think +of the coquettish and alluring little woman getting up before a crowd +of men and firing off the neatest and smartest park of verbal +artillery possible, every shot of which tells and is applauded to the +echo. How will men take it all? For ourselves, having too sincere a +respect for women as they ought to be, and as nature meant them to be, +we do not wish to see them turned into social buffoons, the mark for +jeering comments and angry hisses when what they say displeases their +hearers, told to 'sit down,' and 'shut up,' with entreaties to some +strong man to 'take them out of that and carry them home to the +nursery,' by a hundred voices roughened with drink and shouting. But +if women expect that hostile feelings and opinions will be tamed or +altogether suppressed in their honour because they choose to thrust +themselves where they have no business, they will find out their +mistake, perhaps when too late. If they abandon their safe cover and +come out into the open, they must look to be hit like the rest. We +cannot too often repeat that if they will mingle in the specialities +of men's lives, they must put up with men's treatment and not cry out +when they are struck home. In deference to them plain-speaking has +been banished from the drawing rooms of society; but it is too much to +expect men to sit in their own places under heavy boredom or fatuous +gabble without wincing; and it is childish to ask us to make a +free-gift of our truth and time to women who outrage one and waste the +other. On the other hand the cheers which would follow if they hit the +humour of the hour, or if, being specially pretty or specially smart, +they afforded so much more than the ordinary excitement to the guests, +would to our minds be just as offensive as the rougher truth, and +perhaps more so. The leering approbation of men never over-nice in +thought and now heated with wine, such as are always to be found at +public dinners, is an infliction from which we should have imagined +any woman with purity or self-respect would have shrunk with shame and +dismay. But women who take to after-dinner speeches cannot be either +nervous or fastidious. + +Perhaps it is expecting too much of women of this kind if we ask them +to consider themselves in relation to men's liking. They profess to +despise the masculine animal they are so fond of imitating, and to be +careless of his liking; holding it a matter of supreme indifference +whether they are to his taste or not. But it may be as well to say +plainly that the disgust which we may presume the normal healthy woman +feels for men who paint and pad and wear stays and work Berlin +work--men who give their minds to chignons and costumes; who spy after +their maids' love-letters, and watch their boys as cats watch +mice--men who occupy themselves with domestic details they should know +nothing about; who look after the baby's pap-boat and the cinders in +the dust-heap, and can call the various articles of household linen by +their proper names--the disgust which the womanly woman feels for them +is exactly that which the manly man feels for the epicene sex. + +Hard, unblushing, unloving women whose ideal of happiness lies in +swagger and notoriety; who hate home life and despise home virtues; +who have no tender regard for men and no instinctive love for +children; who despise the modesty of sex as they deny its natural +fitness--these women have worse than no charm for men, and their place +in the human family seems altogether a mistake. If there were any +special work which they could do better than manly men or feminine +women, we could understand their economic uses, and accept them as +eminently unlovely outgrowths of a natural law, but at least as +necessary and natural. But they are not wanted. They simply disgust +men and mislead women; and those women whom they do not mislead in +their own they often influence too strongly in the other direction by +way of reaction, rendering them sickly in their sweetness, and weak +rather than womanly. If the interlacing margins of certain things are +lovely, as colours which blend together are more harmonious than those +which are crudely distinct, it is not so with the interlacing margin +of sex. Let men be men, and women women, sharply, unmistakably +defined; but to have an ambiguous sex which is neither the one nor the +other, possessing the coarser passions and instincts of men without +their strength or better judgment, and the position and privileges of +women without their tenderness, their sense of duty, or their modesty, +is a state of things that we should like to see abolished by public +opinion, which alone can touch it. + + + + +_WOMEN'S MEN._ + + +If songs are the expressions of a nation's political temper, novels +show the current of its social morality, and what the learned would +call its psychological condition. When French novelists devote half +their stories to the analysis of those feelings which end in breaking +the seventh commandment, and the other half to the gradual evolution +of the evidence which leads to the detection of a secret murderer, we +may safely assume, on the one hand, that the marriage law presses +heavily, and, on the other, that the national intellect is of that +ingenious kind which takes pleasure in puzzles, and is best +represented by the familiar examples of dovetailing and mosaic work. +When too, we see that their common feminine type is a creature given +over as a prey to nervous fancies and an exalted imagination, of a +feverish temperament and a general obscuration of plain morality in +favour of a subtilizing and misleading kind of thing which she calls +her _besoin d'âme_, we may be sure that this is the type most approved +by both writer and readers, and that anything else would be +unwelcome. + +The French novelist who should describe, as his central figure, a +self-disciplined, straightforward, healthy young woman, honestly in +love with her husband, rationally fond of her children, not given to +dangerous musings about the need of her soul for an elective affinity +outside her marriage bond, nor spending her hours in speculating on +the philosophy of necessity as represented by Léon or Alphonse; who +should make her absolutely impervious to the sickly sentimentalism of +the inevitable _célibat_, and neither palter with peril nor lament +that sin should be sinful when it is so pleasant; who should paint +domestic morality as we know it exists in France no less than in +England, and trust for his interest to the quiet pathos of unfriendly +but cleanly circumstances, would be hard put to it to make his heroine +attractive and his story popular; and his readers would not be counted +by tens of thousands, as were those who gloated over the sins of +_Madame Bovary_ and the prurience of _Fanny_. The Scandinavian type of +woman again, strong-armed, independent, athletic, practical, would not +go down with the French reading public; wherefore we may assume that +the _Parisienne_, as we know her in romance--feverish, subtil, +casuistic, self-deluding, and always ready to sacrifice duty to +sentiment--is the woman best liked by the people to whom she is +offered, and that the novelist but repeats and represents the wish of +his readers. + +So, too, when our own novelists carry their stock puppets through the +nine hundred pages held to be necessary for the due display of their +follies and disasters, we may be sure that they are of the kind which +finds favour in the eyes of the ordinary English reader; that the +girls are the girls who please young men or do not alarm mothers, and +that the men are the men in whom women delight, and think the ideals +of their sex. If, as it is said, the delineation of her hero is the +touchstone of a woman's literary power, it must be confessed that the +touchstone discloses, for the most part, a very feeble amount of +literary power, and that the female mind has but a small perception of +all that relates to man's needs and nature. + +It is the rarest thing possible to find a flesh-and-blood man in the +pages of a woman's novel; far rarer than to meet with a +flesh-and-blood young lady in the pages of a man's. They are all +either prigs, ruffians, or curled darlings; each of whom a man longs +to kick. They are goody men of such exalted morality that Sir Galahad +himself might take a lesson from them. Or they are brutes with the +well-worn square jaw and beetling brow, who translate into the milder +action of modern life the savage's method of wooing a woman by first +knocking her senseless and then carrying her off. Or they are +impossible light-weights, with small hands and artistic +tendencies--men who moon about a good deal, and are sure to love the +wrong woman in a helpless, drifting sort of way, as if it were quite +the right and manly thing to do to let themselves fall under the +dominion of a passion which a little resolution could overcome. +Sometimes, for a difference, these light-weights are men of tremendous +pluck and quality of muscle, able to thrash a burly bargee twice their +weight and development with as much ease as a steel sword can cut +through one of pith. The female crowd of present novel-writers repeat +these four types with undeviating constancy, so that we have learnt +them all by heart; and after the first outline indicative of their +attributes, we can tell who they are as certainly as we can tell +Minerva by her owl, St. Catharine by her wheel, Jupiter by his +thunderbolts, or St. Sebastian by his arrows. But in what form soever +they elect to portray their hero, they are sure to make his love for +woman his best and his dominant quality. + +Few women know anything of the intricacies of a man's life and +emotion, save such as are connected with love. Yet, though love is +certainly the strongest passion in youth, it is by no means all +powerful in maturity and middle age. But the lady's hero of fifty and +upwards is as much under the influence of his erotic fancies as if he +were a boy of eighteen; and life holds nothing worth living for if he +does not get the woman with whom he has fallen in love. It seems +impossible for a woman to understand the loftier side of a man's +nature. She knows nothing, subjectively, of the political aims, the +love for abstract truth, the desire for human progress, which take him +out of the narrow domestic sphere, and make him comparatively +indifferent to the life of sense and emotion altogether. And when she +sees this she does not tolerate it. When Newton used his lady's little +finger for a tobacco-stopper, he dug his grave in the female garden of +the soul; and women rarely appreciate either Dr. Johnson or Dean +Swift, because of the absence in the one of anything like romantic +tenderness and its perversion in the other. All they care for is that +men shall be tender and true to them; idealizing as lovers; as +husbands constant and indulgent; and for this they will condone any +amount of crookedness or meanness which does not make its way into the +home. If he is complying and caressing there, he may be what fate and +the foul fiend like to make him elsewhere, so long as he is not openly +unfaithful and never gets drunk. + +All the false glitter of the Corsair school is due solely to the +capacity for loving ascribed to the heroes thereof. Though a man's +name be 'linked with one virtue and a thousand crimes,' the one +virtue, being love, outweighs the thousand crimes in the estimation of +women and of the more effeminate kind of poets; and so long as the +'heart is framed for softness,' it may be 'warped to wrong' without +doing any Conrad much injury with them. The absolute rightness and +justness of a man count for little in comparison with his tenderness; +and we know of no woman whose ideal man would be one neither a saint +nor a lover. + +The reason why the men of a softer civilization are in general so +successful with the women of the harder and more northerly countries +is because of the comparative softness of their manners and the larger +place which love and love-making hold among them. All who know France +know the Frenchman's jealous hatred of Italian men; which hatred we +share here in England, only we add the Frenchman to the list. We +affect to despise the arts by which the men succeed and the women are +gained over; but we cannot deny their potency, nor shut our eyes to +the esteem in which they are held by women. This is not saying that +the chivalrous habit of deference taught by civilization is not a good +thing in itself, but it is saying that it is not worth the stronger +and more essentially masculine qualities. But to women the art of +love-making is worth all the other virtues in a lump; indeed, it +comprises them all, and without it the best are valueless. It is the +crown and glory of life--the one thing to live for; and where it is +not, there is no life worthy of the name. Not that women are +insensible to the charms of public fame. If a man has made himself a +great reputation, he may throw the handkerchief where he likes, and he +will find plenty of women to pick it up. In this case they are not too +rigid in their requirements; and if his ways are a little hard and +cold, they hold themselves indemnified for the loss of personal +tenderness by the glory which surrounds a name which is now theirs. A +woman must be exceptionally silly if she cannot take comfort in her +husband's public repute for her disappointment in his private manners. +But this is only with recognized and fully successful heroes. As a +rule, no amount of manly virtues will excuse the want of the softer +graces; and the finest fellow that ever lived, the true _anax andrôn_ +among men, must be content to be measured by women merely according to +his own estimate of them, and the power which the passion of love has +over him. + +Nothing surprises men more than the odd ignorance of women concerning +them; and half the unhappiness in married life, at least in England, +springs from that ignorance. They cannot be made to understand the +differences between a man's nature and requirements and their own; and +they condemn all that they cannot understand. In those few rational +homes where men's sports and gatherings, undisturbed by the presence +of petticoats, are not made occasions for suspicion nor remonstrance, +the stock of love and happiness with which married life began is more +like the widow's cruse than elsewhere; but unfortunately for both +husbands and wives, these homes are rare; while those are common where +an extramural game of billiards in the evening is occasion for tears +or pouting, and deadly offence is taken at club dinners or a week's +shooting. The consequence of which is deceit or dissension; and +sometimes both. + +The woman's ideal man has none of these erratic tendencies. His +business done, he comes home with the docility of a well-bred pointer +sent to heel, and finds energy enough after his hard day's work for a +variety of caressing cares which make him more precious in her eyes +than all the tact, the temper, the judgment, the uprightness he has +manifested in his dealings with the outside world. And the domesticity +which she claims from her husband she demands from her son. Latchkeys +are her abomination, and the 'gas left burning' is as a beacon-light +on the way of destruction. She has the profoundest suspicion of all +the men whom her boy calls his friends. She never knows into what +mischief they may lead him; but she is sure it is mischief if they +keep him away from his home in the evening. She would prescribe the +same social restraints and moral regimen for her son as for her +daughter, and she thinks the energies of masculine nature require no +wider field and no looser rein. But though she likes those tame and +tender men whom she can tie up close to her apron-strings and lovingly +imprison in the narrow domain of home, she succumbs without a struggle +to the square-jawed brute of the Rochester type, the man who dominates +her by the mere force of superior strength; and she is not too severe +on Don Juan, if only she can flatter herself that she is the best +loved--and the last. That these are the men most liked by women is +shown both by their own novels and by daily observation; and it seems +to us that, among the many subjects for extended study of late +proposed for women, a better acquaintance with men's minds, a higher +regard for the nobler kind of man and the ability to accept love as +only one of many qualities, and not always the strongest nor the most +praiseworthy of his impulses, would not be out of place. + + + + +_HOTEL LIFE IN ENGLAND._ + + +If any one wants to see human nature stripped of certain conventional +disguises and reduced to some of its primitive elements, let him try a +boarding-house or family hotel for a while. If not always a +profitable, it is generally an amusing, exhibition of character; and +materials are never wanting to the student of human life. The +predominating quality of most people will be found to be selfishness. +There is a kind of fighting for self that goes on which is very funny, +because concentrated on such mean objects. Who shall have the most +comfortable chair, the best place at the window, the cosiest by the +fire--such are the favourite prizes to be gained by superior craft or +boldness; and the ladies chiefly interested have recourse to a series +of manoeuvres to circumvent their rivals, or steal a march on them +unprepared, more ingenious at times than well-bred. Then there is the +lady who appropriates the only footstool, and the lady who disputes +the appropriation and sometimes 'comes to words' on the same; the +couple who monopolize the bagatelle board, and the couple waiting +savagely for their turn, which comes only when the gong sounds for +dinner or the sky clears up for a walk. The quartet who settle +themselves to whist every evening as to a regular part of the business +of life, without caring to inquire whether others would like to cut in +or not, are more justified in their exclusiveness; else it may happen +that a Club man who can make his bad cards beat his opponent's good +ones is mated with a partner who inquires anxiously 'Is that the queen +to beat?' then, with the king in his hand, quietly drops the deuce, +and gives the adversaries the game. All these however, are regarded +with equally hostile feelings by the rest of the community; and sharp +sermons are administered on the sin of selfishness by the bolder sort, +with the application too evident to be misunderstood. + +At meal times the same kind of odd fighting for self goes on. The +table is set as for a dinner party; but it is the hands of Esau and +the voice of Jacob. Instead of the silent waiting for one's turn, with +the quiet acceptance of fate in the shape of the butler and his +underlings, that belongs to a private dinner-table, here, at the +_table d'hôte_, there is an incessant call for this or that out of +time; an angry demand to be served sooner or better than one's +neighbours; a greedy 'taking care of number one' at the head of the +table that excites as greedy apprehensions in number two at the foot; +a running fire of criticism on the dishes--that does not help the +illusion of the private dinner-party; and, with people who live much +about in hotels, there is a continual comparison with this and that, +here and there, always to the disadvantage of the place and the thing +under present consideration. + +Among the inmates are sure to be some who are fastidious and peevish +about their food; women who come down late and complain that things +are not as fresh as when first served up; men who always want fried +fish when the management has provided boiled, and boiled when the +_menu_ says fried; dyspeptic bodies who cannot eat bread unless it is +two days old, and bodies defiant of dyspepsia who will not eat it at +all unless it is hot from the oven; plain feeders who turn up their +noses at the made dishes, and dainty livers who call simple roast and +boiled coarse. And for all these societies the management has to cater +impartially; and probably miss the reward of thanks at the end. + +The feelings of people are expressed with the same kind of defiant +individualism as are their tastes. There are the married people who +make love to each other in public, and the married people who make +anything but love; the women who sit and adore their husbands like +worshippers before a shrine, and who like the world to be conscious of +their devotion; the men who call their wives pet names for the benefit +of the whole table, and even indulge in playful little familiarities +which make the girls toss their heads and the young men laugh; and the +happy pair who quarrel without restraint, and say snappish and +disagreeable things to each other in audible voices, to the +embarrassment of all who hear them. There is the rakish Lothario who +neglects his own better half and devotes himself to some other man's, +with a lofty disregard of appearances; and there is the coquettish +little wife who treats her husband very much like a dog and very +little like her lord, and who carries on her flirtations in the most +audacious manner under his eyes, and apparently with his sanction. +And, having his sanction, she defies the world about her to take +umbrage at her proceedings. + +As for flirtations indeed, these are always going on in hotel life. +Sometimes it is flirtation between a single man and a single woman, +against which no one has a word to say on the score of propriety, +though some think it will never come to anything and some think it +will, and all scan curiously the signs of progressive heating, or the +process of cooling off. Sometimes it is a more questionable matter; +the indiscreet behaviour of a young wife, unprotected by her husband, +who takes up furiously with some stranger met at the _table d'hôte_ by +chance, and of whose character or antecedents she is utterly ignorant. +This is the kind of things that sets the whole hotel by the ears. Prim +women ask severely, 'How long has Mrs. So-and-So known Major +Fourstars?' and their faces, when told, are a sufficient commentary on +the text. Others, in seeming innocence, call them by the same name, +and express intense surprise when informed they are not man and wife, +but acquaintances of only a week's standing. Others again say it is +shameful to see them, and wonder why some one does not write home to +the poor husband, and speak of doing that kind office themselves; and +others watch them with a cynical half-amused attention, interpreting +their actions by the broadest glossary, and carefully guarding their +wives or daughters from any association with either of the offenders. +Whatever else fails, this kind of vulgar hotel intrigue is always on +hand at sea-side places and the like; sometimes ending disastrously, +sometimes dying out in favour of a new flame, but always causing +discomfort while it lasts, and annoying every one connected therewith +save the sinners themselves. + +The women who dress to excess are balanced by the women who do not +dress at all. The first are the walking advertisements of fashion, the +last might be mistaken for the canvassers of old clothes' shops. The +one class oppress by their magnificence, the other disgust by their +dowdiness; and each ridicules the other to the indifferent third +party, who, holding the scales of justice evenly, condemns both alike. +Then there are the ugly women who manifestly think themselves +attractive, and the pretty women who are too conscious of their +charms. To be sure there are also ugly women who are content to know +themselves unpersonable, as there are pretty women who are content to +know that they are pretty, just as they know that they are alive, but +who think no more about it, and never trouble themselves nor their +neighbours by their affectations. There are the dear motherly women +beyond middle age, scant of breath and incapable of exertion, who sit +in the drawing-room, placid and asthmatic, and to whom every one pays +an affectionate reverence; and there are the elderly women who chirrup +about like young things, and skip up and down steep places with +commendable agility, and who are by no means disposed to let old age +have the victory for many a year to come. There are the mothers who +make their lumpish children sick with a multiplicity of good things, +and the mothers who never give a moment's thought to the comfort nor +the well-being of theirs; the mothers who fidget their little ones and +every one else by their over-anxiety, their over caution, their +incessant preoccupation and fear, and the mothers who let theirs +wander, and who take it quite comfortably if they do not come in even +at night-fall; the mothers who prank their children out like Mayday +Jacks and Jills, and the mothers who let theirs go free in rags and +dirt, till you are puzzled to believe them better born than the +gutter. And with all this there is the plague of the children +themselves--the babies who cry all night; the two-year-olds who scream +all day; the rampaging boys who haunt the stairs and passages and who +will slide down the banisters on a wet afternoon; the clattering +little troop playing at horses before your bedroom door, while you are +lying down with a sick headache; and the irruption into the +drawing-room of the young barbarians who have no nursery of their +own. + +Quite recent widows with fluffy heads and no sign of their bereaved +state, come to the hotel flanked by those of a couple of years' +standing, still dressed in the deepest weeds, with the significant cap +cherished as a sacred symbol. Brisk young widows appeal to men's +admiration by their brightness, and languid young widows excite +sympathy by their despair. Pretty young widows of small endowment, +whose chances you would back at long odds, are handicapped against +plain-featured widows, whose desolation you know no one would ever ask +to relieve were it not for those Three per cents. with which they are +credited. And the widows of hotel life are always a feature worth +studying. There are many who do so study them;--chiefly the old +bachelor of well-preserved appearance and active habits, who has +constituted himself the squire of dames to the establishment, and who +takes up first with one and then another of the unprotected females as +they appear, and escorts them about the neighbourhood. He never makes +friends with men, but he is hand-in-glove with all the pretty women; +and his critical judgment on them on their first appearance is +considered final. As a rule he does not care to attach himself so +exclusively to one, be she maid, wife, or widow, as to get himself +talked about; but sometimes he falls into the clutches of a woman of +more tenacity than he has bargained for, and, man of irreproachable +respectability as he is, drifts into a flirtation which the hotel +takes to mean an offer or an intrigue, according to the state of the +lady concerned. As the hotel-life bachelor is generally a man of +profound selfishness, the discomfort that ensues does no great harm; +and it sometimes happens that it is diamond cut diamond, which is a +not unrighteous retribution. + +For the most part the people haunting hotels and living at +_tables d'hôte_ are not specially charming, but among them may +sometimes be met men and women of broad views and liberal minds, +cultivated and thoughtful, whose association time ripens into +friendship. They stand out in bold relief among the vulgar people who +talk loud, stare hard, ask impertinent questions, and discuss the +dinners and the company in a broad provincial accent; among the silent +people who sit gloomily at table as if oppressed with debt or +assisting at a funeral; among the betting-men who flood the house at +race-time, making it echo with the jargon of the Turf and the stable; +among the quarrelsome people who snap and snarl at every subject +started, like dogs growling over a bone; among the religious people +who will testify in season and out of season, and the political people +who will argue; the stupid people who have not two ideas, and the +ignorant people who do not understand anything beyond the educational +range of a child or a peasant; the conventional people who oppress one +with their strained proprieties, and the doubtful people of whom no +one knows anything and every one suspects all. Among the _oi polloi_ +of hotel life the really nice people shine conspicuous: and more than +one pleasant friendship which has lasted for life has been begun over +the soup and fish of a _table d'hôte_. + + + + +_OUR MASKS._ + + +We should do badly, as things are ordered, if we went about the world +with our natural moral faces. Even stopping short of the extravagance +of betraying our most important secrets, as in a Palace of Truth, and +frankly telling men and women that we think them fools or bores, it is +difficult for the most honest person in society to do without +something of a mask in regard to minor matters. The old quarrel +between nature and art, and where the limits of each should extend, +has not yet got itself arranged; and it is doubtful whether it will +during the present dispensation. It may be put to rights in some +future state of human development, when the spiritualists will have it +all their own way and tell us exactly what we ought to do; but pending +this forecast of the millennium, we are obliged to have recourse to +art for the better concealment of our natural selves, and especially, +for the maintenance of that queer bundle of compromises and +conventions which we call society. + +The oddest consequence of the artificial state in which we find +ourselves obliged to live is that nature looks like affectation, and +that the highest art is the most like nature of anything we know. It +is in drawing-rooms as on the stage. A thoroughly inartificial actor +would be a mere dummy, just as in the Greek theatre a man with his +natural face would have seemed mean and insignificant to the +spectators accustomed to fixed types of heroic size and set intention. +But he whose acting brings the house down because of its truth to +nature is he whose art has been the most profoundly studied, and with +whom the concealment of art has therefore been the most perfectly +attained. So in society. A man of thoroughly natural manners passes as +either morose or pert according to his mood--either stupid because +disinclined to exert himself, or obtrusive because in the humour to +talk. He means no offence, honest body! but he makes himself +disagreeable all the same. Such a man is the pest of his club, and the +nuisance of every drawing-room he enters. It matters little whether he +is constitutionally boorish or good-natured; he is natural; and his +naturalness comes like an ugly patch of frieze on the cloth of gold +with which the goddess of conventionality is draped. + +Natural women too, may be found at times--women who demonstrate on +small occasions, sincerely no doubt, but excessively; women who skip +like young lambs when they are pleased and pout like naughty children +when they are displeased; who disdain all those little arts of dress +which conceal defects and heighten beauties, and who are always at war +with the fashions of the day; who despise those conventional graces +of manner which have come to be part of the religion of society, +contradicting point-blank, softening no refusal with the expression of +a regret they do not feel, yawning in the face of the bore, admiring +with the _naïveté_ of a savage whatever is new to them or pleasing. +Such women are not agreeable companions, however devoid of affectation +they may be, however stanch adherents to truth and things as they are, +according to their boast. The woman who has not a particle of +untrained spontaneity left in her and who has herself in hand on all +occasions, who gives herself to her company and is always collected, +graceful, and at ease, playing her part without a trip, but always +playing her part and never letting herself drop into uncontrolled +naturalness--this is the woman whom men agree to call, not only +charming, but thoroughly natural as well. + +On the other hand, the untrained woman who speaks just as she thinks, +and who cares more to express her own sensations than to study those +of her companions, is sneered at as silly or underbred, as the current +sets; or perhaps as affected; her transparency, to which the world is +not accustomed and to which it does not wish to get accustomed, +puzzling the critics of their kind. Social naturalness, like perfect +theatrical representation, is everywhere the result of the best art; +that is, of the most careful training. It simulates self-forgetfulness +by the very perfection of its self-control, while untrained nature is +self-assertion at all corners, and is founded on the imperious +consciousness of personality. + +All of us carry our masks into society. We offer an eidolon to our +fellow-creatures, showing our features but not expressing our mind; +and the one whose eidolon, while betraying least of the being within, +reflects most of the beings without, is the most popular and +considered the most self-revealed. We may take it as a certainty that +we never really know any one. We may know the broad outlines of +character; and we generally believe far more than we have warranty +for; but we rarely, if ever, penetrate the inner circle wherein the +man's real self hides. If our friend is a person of small curiosity +and large self-respect, we may trust him not to commit a base action; +if he has a calm temperament, with physical strength and without +imagination, he will not do a cowardly one; if he has the habit of +truth, he will not tell a lie on any paltry occasion; if he is +tenacious and secret, he will not betray his cause nor his friend. But +we know very little more than this. Even with one's most familiar +friend there is always one secret door in the casket which is never +opened; and those which are thrown wide apart are not those which lead +to the most cherished treasures. With the frankest or the shallowest +there are depths never sounded; what shall we say, then, of those who +have real profundity of character? + +Who is not conscious of an ego that no man has seen? In praise or +blame we feel that we are not thoroughly known. There is something +infinitely pathetic in this dumb consciousness of an inner self, an +unrevealed truth, which bears us up through injustice and makes us +shrink from excessive praise. Our very lovers love us for the least +worthy part of us, or for fancied virtues which we do not possess; and +if our worst enemies knew us as we are, they would come round to the +other side and shake hands over the grave of their mistaken estimate. +The mask hides the reality in either case, for good or for ill; and we +know that if it could be removed, we should be judged differently. For +the matter of that it never can be removed. The most transparent are +judged according to the temper of the spectator; and the mind sees +what it brings in our judgment of our fellows as well as in other +things. + +But, apart from that inner nature, that hidden part which so few +people even imagine exists in each other, the masks we wear in society +cover histories, sufferings, feelings, which would set the world +aflame if betrayed. No one who gets below the smooth crust of +conventional life can be ignorant of the fierce lava flood that +sometimes flows and rages underneath. In those quiet drawing-rooms +where everything looks the embodiment of harmony, of tranquil +understanding, and where the absence of mystery is the first thing +felt, there are dramas at the very time enacting of which only the +exceptionally observant catch the right cue. Ruin faces some whose +ship of good fortune seems sailing steadily on a halcyon sea; a +hideous secret stands like a spectre in the doorway of another. The +domestic happiness which these covenant between themselves to show in +the full sunshine to the world is no better than a Dead Sea apple +displayed for pride, for policy, and of which those who eat alone know +the extreme bitterness. The grand repute which makes men honour the +name to the very echo, is a sham, and tottering to its fall. Here the +confessing religionist hides by the fervour of his amens the +scepticism which he dares not show by the honesty of his negation; +there the respectable moralist denounces in his mask the iniquities +which he practises daily when he lays it aside. To the right the masks +of two loving friends greet each other with smiles and large +expressions of affection, then part, to push the friendly falsehood +aside, and to whisper confidentially to the crowd what scoundrelism +they have mutually embraced; to the left another couple of unreasoning +foes want only to see each other in unmasked simplicity to become fast +allies for life. The world and all it disguises play sad mischief with +human affections as well as with truth. + +Everything serves for a mask. A man's public character makes one which +is as impenetrable in its disguise as any. The world takes one or two +salient points and subordinates every other characteristic to these. +It ignores all those subtle intricacies which modify thought and +action at every turn, producing apparent inconsistency--but only +apparent; and it boldly blocks out a mask of one or two dominant +lines as the representative of a nature protean because complex. Any +quality that makes itself seen from behind this mask which popular +opinion has created out of a man's public character is voted as +inconsistent, or, it may be, insincere; and the richer the nature the +less it is understood. So it is with us all in our degree:--a thought +which might lead us to gentler judgments on each other than it is the +fashion to cultivate, knowing as we do that we each wear a mask which +hides our real self from the world; and that if this real self is less +beautiful than our admirers say, it is infinitely less hideous than +our enemies would make it to appear. + + + + +_HEROES AT HOME._ + + +We may say what we like about the worthlessness of the world and the +solid charms of home, but the plain fact, stripped of oratorical +disguise, is that we mostly give society the best we have and keep the +worst of ourselves for our own. The hero at home is not half so fine a +fellow as the hero in public, and cares far less for his audience. +Indeed, when looked at under the domestic microscope, he is frequently +found to be eminently un-heroic--something of the nature of a botch +rather than nobility in undress and an ideal brought down to the line +of sight; which would be the case if he and all things else were what +they seem, and if heroism, like fine gold, was good all through. This +is not saying that the hero in public is a cheat. He has only turned +the best of his cloak outside, and hidden the seams and frays next his +skin. We know that every man's cloak must have its seams and frays; +and the vital question for each man's life is, Who ought to see most +of them, strangers or friends? We fear it must be owned that, whoever +ought, it is our friends who do get the worst of our wardrobe--the +people we love, and for whom we would willingly die if necessary; +whilst strangers, for whom we have no kind of affection, are treated +to the freshest of the velvet and the brightest of the embroidery. The +man, say, who is pre-eminently good company abroad, who keeps a +dinner-table alive with his quick wit and keen repartee, and who has +always on hand a store of unhackneyed anecdotes, the latest _on dits_, +and the newest information not known to Reuter, but who hangs up his +fiddle at his own fireside and in the bosom of his family is as silent +as the vocal Memnon at midnight, is not necessarily a cheat. He is an +actor without a part to play or a stage whereon to play it; a hero +without a flag; a bit of brute matter without an energizing force. + +The excitement of applause, the good wine and the pleasant dishes, the +bright eyes of pretty women, the half-concealed jealousy of clever +men, the sensation of shining--all these things, which are spurs to +him abroad, are wanting at home; and he has not the originating +faculty which enables him to dispense with these incentives. He is a +first-class hero on his own ground; but it would be a tremendous +downfall to his reputation were his admirers to see him as he is off +parade, without the pomps and vanities to show him to advantage. He +has just been the social hero of a dinner; 'so bright, so lively, so +delightful,' says the hostess enthusiastically, with a side blow to +her own proprietor, who perhaps is pleasant enough by the domestic +hearth but only a dumb dog in public. The party has been 'made' by +him, rescued from universal dullness by his efforts alone; and every +woman admires him as he leaves in a polite blaze of glory, and only +wishes he could be secured for her own little affair next week. So he +takes his departure, a hero to the last, with a happy thought for +every one and a bright word all round. The hall-door closes on him, +and the hero sinks into the husband. He is as much transformed as soon +as he steps inside his brougham as was ever Cinderella after twelve, +with her state coach and footmen gone to pumpkin and green lizards. He +likes his wife well enough, as wives and liking go; but she does not +stir him up intellectually, and her applause is no whetstone for his +wit. Put the veriest chit of a girl as bodkin between them and he will +waken into life again, and become once more the conversational hero, +because he is no longer wholly at home. His wife probably does not +like it, and she laughs, as wives do, when she hears his praises from +those who know him only at his best, letting off his fireworks for the +applause of the crowd. + +But then wives are proverbially unflattering in their estimates of +their husbands' heroics; and the Truth that used to live at the bottom +of a well has changed her name and abode in these later times, and has +come to mean the partner of your joys, who gives you her candid +opinion at home. Still, your good company abroad who sits like a mute +Memnon at home is not pleasant, though not necessarily a sham. +Certainly he is no hero all through, but he may be nothing worse than +one of those unfortunates whose intellect lives on drams and does not +take kindly to domestic pudding. + +His wife does not approve of this hanging up of the fiddle by his own +fireside; yet she does the same thing on her side, and is as little a +heroine by the domestic hearth as he is a hero. What his talk is to +him her beauty is to her; and for whom, let us ask, does she make +herself loveliest? For her husband, or for a handful of fops and snobs +each one of whom individually is more indifferent to her than the +other? See her in society, a very Venus dressed by Worth and Bond +Street, if not by the Graces. Follow her home, and see her as her maid +sees her. The abundant _chevelure_, which is the admiration of the men +and the envy of the women who believe in it, is taken off and hung up +like her great-grandfather's wig, leaving her small round head covered +by a wisp of ragged ends broken and burnt by dyes and restorers; her +bloom of glycerine and powder is washed from her face, showing the +faded skin and betraying lines beneath; the antimony is rubbed off her +eyelids; the effects of belladonna leave her now contracting pupils; +her perfectly moulded form is laid aside with her dress; and the fair +queen of the _salon_--the heroine of gaslight loveliness--stands as a +lay-figure with bare tracts of possibilities whereon the artist may +work, but which tracts nature has forgotten or which she herself has +worked on so unmercifully as to have worn out. How many a heartache +would be healed if only the heroine, like the hero, could be followed +to the sanctuary of the dressing-room, and if the adored could appear +to the adorer as does the one to the maid the other to the valet! + +The tender, sympathetic, moist-eyed woman who condoles so sweetly with +your little troubles, and whose affectionate compassion soothes you +like the trickling of sweet waters or the cooling breath of a pleasant +air, but who leaves her sick husband at home to get through the weary +hours as he best may, who bullies her servants and scolds her +children--she too, is a heroine of a class that does not look well +when closely studied. The pretty young mother, making play with her +pretty young children in the Park--a smiling picture of love and +loveliness--when followed home, turning into a fretful, self-indulgent +fine lady, flung wearily into an easy chair, sending the children up +to the nursery and probably seeing them no more until Park hour +to-morrow, when their beautiful little _têtes d'ange_ will enhance her +own loveliness in the eyes of men, and make her more beautiful because +making the picture more complete; Mrs. Jellaby given up to universal +philanthropy, refusing a crust to the beggar at her own gate, but full +of tearful pity for the misery she has undertaken to mitigate at +Borioboolagha; Croesus scattering showers of gold abroad, and +applauded to the echo when his name, with the donation following, is +read out at a public dinner, but looking after the cheese-parings at +home; the eloquent upholder of human equality in public, snubbing in +private all who are one degree below him in the social scale, and +treating his servants like dogs; the no less eloquent descanter on the +motto _Noblesse oblige_, when the house-door is shut between him and +the world, running honesty so fine that it is almost undistinguishable +from roguery--all these heroes abroad show but shabbily at home, and +make their heroism within the four walls literally a vanishing +quantity. + +People who live on the outside of the charmed circle of letters, but +who believe that the men and women that compose it are of a different +mould from the rest of mankind, and who long to be permitted to +penetrate the rose-hedge and learn the facts of Armida's garden for +themselves, sometimes learn them too clearly for their dreams to be +ever possible again. They have a favourite author--a poet, say, or a +novelist. If a poet, he is probably one whose songs are full of that +delicious melancholy which makes them so divinely sad; an æsthetic +poet; a blighted being; a creature walking in the moonlight among the +graves and watering their flowers with his tears:--if a novelist, he +is one whose sprightly fancy makes the dull world gay. A friend takes +the worshipper to the shrine where the idol is to be found; in other +words, they go to call on him at his own house. The melancholy poet +'hidden in the light of thought,' is a rubicund, rosy-gilled +gentleman, brisk, middle-aged, comfortable, respectable, particular as +to his wines, a connoisseur as to the merits of the _chef_, a _bon +vivant_ of the Horatian order, and in his talk prone to personal +gossip and feeble humour. The lively novelist, on the other hand, is a +taciturn, morose kind of person, afflicted with perennial catarrh, +ever ready with an unpleasant suggestion, given to start disagreeable +topics of a grave, not to say depressing, nature, perhaps a rabid +politician incapable of a give-and-take argument, or a pessimistic +economist, taking gloomy views of the currency and despondent about +our carrying trade. + +As for the women, they never look the thing they are reputed to be, +save in fashion, and sometimes in beauty. A woman who goes to public +meetings and makes speeches on all kinds of subjects, tough as well as +doubtful, presents herself in society with the look of an old maid and +the address of a shy schoolgirl. A sour kind of essayist, who finds +everything wrong and nothing in its place, has a face like the full +moon and looks as if she fed on cream and butter. A novelist who sails +very near the wind, and on whom the critics are severe by principle, +is as quiet as a Quakeress in her conversation and as demure as a nun +in her bearing; while a writer of religious tracts has her gowns from +Paris and gives small suppers out of the proceeds. The public +character and the private being of almost every person in the world +differ widely from each other; and the hero of history who is also the +hero to his valet has yet to be found. + +Some people call this difference inconsistency, and some +manysidedness; to some it argues unreality, to others it is but the +necessary consequence of a complex human nature, and a sign that the +mind needs the rest of alternation just as much as the body. We cannot +be always in the same groove, never changing our attitude nor object. +Is it inconsistency or supplement, contradiction or compensation? The +sterner moralists, and those whose minds dwell on tares, say the +former; those who look for wheat even on the stony ground and among +thorns assert the latter. Anyhow, it is certain that those who desire +ideals and who like to worship heroes would do well to content +themselves with adoration at a long range. Distance lends enchantment, +and ignorance is bliss in more cases than one. Heroism at home is +something like the delicacy of Brobdingnag, or the grandiosity of +Lilliput; and the undress of the domestic hearth is more favourable to +personal comfort than to public glory. To keep our ideals intact we +ought to keep them unknown. Our goddesses should not be seen eating +beefsteaks and drinking stout; our poets are their best in print, and +social small-talk does not come like truths divine mended from their +tongue; our sages and philanthropists gain nothing, and may lose much, +by being rashly followed to their firesides. Yet a man's good work and +brave word are, in any case, part of his real self, though they may +not be the whole; and even if he is not true metal all through, his +gold, so far as it goes, counts for more than its alloy, and his +public heroism overtops his private puerility. + + + + +_SEINE-FISHING._ + + +Few braver or hardier men are to be found in England than the Cornish +fishermen. Their business, at all times hazardous, is doubly so on a +coast so dangerous as theirs, where the charm of scenery is bought at +the expense of security. Isolated rocks which are set up like teeth +close round the jagged cliffs and far out from shore, cropping up at +intervals anywhere between Penzance and Scilly; sunken rocks which are +more perilous because more treacherous; strong currents which on the +calmest day keep the sea where they flow in perpetual turmoil; a +singularly tumultuous and changeable sea, where the ground-swell of +the Atlantic sweeps on in long waves which break into a surf that +would swamp any boat put out, even when there is not a breath of +surface-wind stirring; for the most part a very narrow channel to the +coves, a mere water-path as one may call it, beset by rocks which +would break the boats to splinters if they were thrown against +them--all these circumstances make the trade of the Cornish fishermen +exceptionally dangerous; but they also make the men themselves +exceptionally resolute and daring. They are true fighters with nature +for food; and, like the miners, they feel when they set out to their +work that they may never come back from it alive. + +No man can predict what the sea will be an hour or two hence. Its +character changes with each fluctuation of the tide; and a calm and +halcyon lake may have become fierce and angry and tempest-tossed when +the ebb turns and the flow sets in. There are times too, when a boat +caught by the wind and drifted into a current would be as helpless as +a cork in a mill-race; and when a whole fleet of fishing-boats might +be blown out to sea, with perhaps half their number capsized. But, as +a rule, having learnt caution with their hardihood from the very +magnitude of the dangers which surround them, these Cornish men suffer +as little by shipwreck as do the fishermen of safer bays; and though +each cove has its own sad story, and every rock its victim, the worst +cases of wreck have been those of larger vessels which have mistaken +lights, or steered too close in shore, or been lost in the fogs that +are so frequent about the Land's End. Or they may have been caught by +the wind and the tide and driven dead on to a lee shore; as so often +happens in the bay between Hartland and Padstow Points. + +But the more cautious the men are the less money they make; and though +life is certainly more than meat, life without meat at all, or with +only an insufficient quantity, is rather a miserable affair. The +material well-being of the poor fellows who live in those picturesque +little coves which are the delight and the despair of artists is not +in a very satisfactory condition. By the law of aggregation, +unification, whatever we like to call it--the law of the present day +by which individuals are absorbed into bodies that work for wages for +one master, instead of each man working for himself for his own +hand--the independent fishermen are daily becoming fewer. Save at +Whitesand Bay, where there is a 'poor man's seine' and 'a rich man's +seine,' almost all the seine nets belong now to companies or +partnerships of rich men; and in very few have the men themselves any +share. + +Fishermen's seines are not well regarded by the wealthy leaseholders +of the cove and foreshore; and the leaseholder has very large legal +rights and powers which it would be idle to blame him for exercising. +The cots are his, and the capstan is his, and the right of landing is +his; thus he can put on the screw when he wants to have things his own +way, and can threaten evictions, and the withdrawal of the right to +the capstan and to the landing-place, if the men will not go on his +seine, but choose either a united one of their own or independent +drift or trawl nets. Some, it is said, even object to the men fishing +at all, at any rate during the seine season; some have raised the +annual rent per boat for cove rights to three or four times its old +rate; and some go through a round of surly suspicion and irritating +supervision during the 'bulking' days, and higgle jealously over the +small share allowed to the hands in the catch. So that, on the whole, +the Cornish fisherman of the smaller coves has not much to boast of +beside his courage and good heart, and a sturdy independence and +honesty specially noticeable. + +We know of no more animated scene than seine-fishing. From the first +act to the last there is a quaint old-world flavour about it +inexpressibly charming to people used to the prosaic life of modern +cities. The 'huers' who stand on the hills watching for the first +appearance of the 'school,' and who make known what they see either by +signals or calling through a huge metal trumpet, the sound of which no +one who has once heard it can ever forget; the smartness of the men +dressing the seine-boats which carry the huge net with all its +appurtenances; their quiet but eager watching for the school to come +within practicable distance--that is, into sufficiently shoal water, +and where the bottom is fairly level (else the fish all escape from +under the net); the casting or shooting of the seine enclosing the +school, and then the 'tucking' or lifting the fish from the sea to the +boats--every stage is full of interest; but this last is the prettiest +of all. + +Imagine a moonlight night--low water at midnight--when the tucking +begins. The boat cannot come up to the ordinary landing, which is only +a roughly-paved causeway dipping by a gradual descent into the sea; so +those who would share in the sport are fain to take the fisherman's +path along the cliff and drop into the boat off the rocks. These rocks +are never very safe. Even the men themselves, trained to them as they +are from boyhood, sometimes slip on their slanting, broken, +seaweed-covered surfaces, when, if they cannot swim and are not +helped, all is over for them in this life; and for strangers they are +difficult at the best of times. But on an obscurely lighted night, and +after heavy rain, they are doubly risky. The incoming wave lifts the +boat a few inches higher and nearer; and you must catch the exact +moment and make a spring before she drifts off again with the ebb. The +row across the little bay is beautiful. The grey cliffs look solemn +and majestic in the pale light of the moon; the shadows are deep and +unfathomable; everywhere you see black rocks standing out from the +steely sea, and little lines of breakers mark the place of the sunken +rocks. In the distance shine the magnificent Lizard Lights, and the +red and white revolving light of the terrible Wolf Rock flashes on the +horizon; the moon touches the sea with silver, and the waves as they +rise and fall seem like molten metal in the heavy sluggish rhythm of +their flow. Only round the foot of the cliffs and about the rocks they +break into spray that serves as high lights against the sombre grey +and black of the landscape. You pull across to the opposite point, and +then round into another smaller bay where the cliffs rise sheer, and +the seine net is cast. You come into a little fleet of fishing-boats +set round on the outside of a circle of corks, within which is the +master-boat, where all hands are assembled pulling at the net, to draw +it closer. It is a stirring sight. Some dozen or more stalwart fellows +are hauling on the lines with the sailors' cheery cry and the sailors' +exuberant goodwill. Every now and then the master's voice cries out +'Break! break my sons!' when they shorten hold and go over to the +other side of the boat, pulling themselves gradually aslant again, +till the same order of 'Break! break!' shows that their purchase is +too slack. At last the net is hauled up close enough, and then the fun +begins. + +All the boats engaged form a close circle round the inner line of +corks, which is now a little sea of silver where the imprisoned +pilchards beat and flutter, producing a sound for which we have no +satisfactory onomatopoetic word. In moonlight this little sea is +silver; in torchlight it is of fire with varied colours flashing +through the redder gleams; and in the dark it is a sea of +phosphorescent light, each mesh of the net, each fish, each seaweed +illuminated as if traced in flame. Every one is now busy. The men dip +in baskets, or maunds, expressly made for this purpose, and ladle out +the quivering fish by hundreds into the boats. In a few moments they +are standing leg-deep in pilchards. Every one on the spot is pressed +into the service, and even a boat manned by nothing more stalwart than +one or two half-sick and half-frightened women receives its orders; +and 'Hold on ladies! all hands hold on to the boat,' serves to keep +one of the busiest of the tucking-boats in equilibrium. + +The men, for all their hearty work, are like a party of schoolboys at +play. Their humour may be rough, but it is never meant to be rude; +their goodwill is sincere, for they have a share, however small, in +the success of the catch; and the more they tuck, the more they will +have for their wives and families to live on through the winter. It is +their harvest-time; and they are as jocund as harvesters proverbially +are. There is no stint of volunteer labour either. Men who have been +working hard all day on their own account go out at midnight to lend a +hand to their mates at the seine. Even though the take is for a +hard-fisted master who would count fins if he could, and who would +refuse his men a head apiece if he thought his orders would be carried +out, they are all honestly glad. They remember the time when a rich +school was the wealth of the whole cove, and when a string of fresh +pilchards would be given freely to any one coming to the cove at the +time of bulking, or, as we should call it, storing. + +Still, whatever of economic value there may be in this exploitation of +labour, it has its mournful side in the loss of individual value which +it includes. And no one can help feeling this who listens to the talk +of the elder fishermen, sorrowfully comparing the old days of personal +independence and generous lordship with the present ones of wages and +a wide-awake lesseeship, conscious of its legal rights and determined +to act on them. + +When all the fish have been tucked there is nothing for it but to row +home again in the freshening morning air. The tide is rising now, and +the moon is waning. The rocks look blacker, the grey moss-grown cliffs +more solemn, more mysterious, the white surf breaking about them is +higher and sharper than when you set out; and the boom of the sea +thundering through cave and channel has a sound in it that makes you +feel as if land and your own bed would be preferable to an open boat +at the mercy of the Atlantic surges. The tide has so far risen that +you can land nearer to the paved causeway than before; but even now +you have to wait for the flow of the wave, then make a spring on to +the black and slimy rocks, which would be creditable to trained +gymnastic powers. So you go home, under the first streaks of dawn, wet +through and scaly, and smelling abominably of fish dashed with a +streak of tar for a richer kind of compound. + +The whole place however, will smell of fish to-morrow and for many +to-morrows. When the tucking-boats are brought in, then the women take +their turn, and pack the pilchards in the fish-cellars or +salting-houses. Here they are said to be in 'bulk,' all laid on their +sides with their noses pointing outwards; layers of salt alternating +with layers of fish. Their great market is Italy, where they serve as +favourite Lenten fare. The Italians believe them to be smoked, and +hence call them _fumados_. This word the dear thick-headed British +sailor has caught up, according to his wont, and translated into 'fair +maids;' and 'fair maids'--pronounced firmads--is the popular name of +salted pilchards all through Cornwall. + +The pilchard fishery begins as early as June or July; but then it is +further out to sea, sometimes twenty miles out. According to the old +saying, + + When the corn is in the shock + The fish are at the rock; + +harvest-time, which means from August to the end of October, being the +main season for pilchard-fishing in shoal-water close at home. There +are some choice bits of picturesque life still left to us in faraway +places where the ordinary tourist has not penetrated; but nothing is +more picturesque than seine-fishing in one of the wilder Cornish +coves, when the tucking goes on at midnight, either by moonlight or +torchlight, or only by the phosphorescent illumination of the sea +itself. No artist that we can remember at this moment has yet painted +it; but it is a subject which would well repay careful study and +loving handling. + + + + +_THE DISCONTENTED WOMAN._ + + +The discontented woman would seem to be becoming an unpleasantly +familiar type of character. A really contented woman, thoroughly well +pleased with her duties and her destiny, may almost be said to be the +exception rather than the rule in these days of tumultuous revolt +against all fixed conditions, and vagrant energies searching for +interest in new spheres of thought and action. It seems impossible to +satisfy the discontented woman by any means short of changing the +whole order of nature and society for her benefit. And even then the +chances are that she would get wearied of her new work, and, like +Alexander, would weep for more worlds to rearrange according to her +liking--with the power to take or to leave the duties she had +voluntarily assumed, as she claims now the power of discarding those +which have been hers from the beginning. As things are, nothing +contents her; and the keynote which shall put her in harmony with +existing conditions, or make her ready to bear the disagreeable +burdens which she has been obliged to carry from Eve's time downward, +has yet to be found. If she is unmarried, she is discontented at the +want of romance in her life; her main desire is to exchange her +father's house for a home of her own; her pride is pained at the +prospect of being left an old maid unsought by men; and her instincts +rebel at the thought that she may never know maternity, the strongest +desire of the average woman. + +But if she is married, the causes of her discontent are multiplied +indefinitely, and where she was out of harmony with one circumstance +she is now in discord with twenty. She is discontented on all sides; +because her husband is not her lover, and marriage is not perpetual +courtship; because he is so irritable that life with him is like +walking among thorns if she makes the mistake of a hair's-breadth; or +because he is so imperturbably good-natured that he maddens her with +his stolidity, and cannot be made jealous even when she flirts before +his eyes. Or she is discontented because she has so many household +duties to perform--the dinner to order, the books to keep, the +servants to manage; because she has not enough liberty, or because she +has too much responsibility; because she has so few servants that she +has to work with her own hands, or because she has so many that she is +at her wit's end to find occupation for them all, not to speak of +discipline and good management. + +As a mother, she is discontented at the loss of personal freedom +compelled by her condition; at the physical annoyances and mental +anxieties included in the list of her nursery grievances. She would +probably fret grievously if she had no children at all, but she frets +quite as much when they come. In the former case she is humiliated, in +the latter inconvenienced, and in both discontented. Indeed, the way +in which so many women deliver up their children to the supreme +control of hired nurses proves practically enough the depth of their +discontent with maternity when they have it. + +If the discontented woman is rich, she speaks despondingly of the +difficulties included in the fit ordering of large means; if she is +poor, life has no joys worth having when frequent change of scene is +unattainable, and the milliner's bill is a domestic calamity that has +to be conscientiously staved off by rigorous curtailment. If she lives +in London, she laments the want of freedom and fresh air for the +children, and makes the unhappy father, toiling at his City office +from ten till seven, feel himself responsible for the pale cheeks and +attenuated legs which are probably to be referred to injudicious diet +and the frequency of juvenile dissipations. But if she is in the +country, then all the charm of existence is centred in London and its +thoroughfares, and not the finest scenery in the world is to be +compared with the attractions of the shops in Regent Street or the +crowds thronging Cheapside. + +This question of country living is one that presses heavily on many a +female mind; but we must believe that, in spite of the plausible +reasons so often assigned, the chief causes of discontent are want of +employment and deadness of interest in the life that lies around. The +husband makes himself happy with his rod and gun, with his garden or +his books, with huntsmen or bricklayers, as his tastes lead him; but +the wife--we are speaking of the wife given over to disappointment and +discontent, for there are still, thank Heaven, bright, busy, happy +women both in country and in town--sits over the fire in winter and by +the empty hearth in summer, and finds all barren because she is +without an occupation or an interest within doors or without. Ask her +why she does not garden--if her circumstances are of the kind where +hands are scarce and even a lady's energies would do potent service +among the flower beds; and she will tell you it makes her back ache, +and she does not know a weed from a flower, and would be sure to pick +up the young seedlings for chickweed and groundsel. And if she is rich +and has hands about her who know their business and guard it +jealously, she takes shelter behind her inability to do actual manual +labour side by side with them. + +Within doors active housekeeping is repulsive to her; and though her +servants may be quasi-savages, she prefers the dirt and discomfort of +idleness to the domestic pleasantness to be had by her own industry +and practical assistance. Unless she has a special call towards some +particular party in the Church, she does nothing in the parish, and +seems to think philanthropy and help to one's poorer neighbours part +of the ecclesiastical machinery of the country, devolving on the +Rectory alone. She gets bilious through inaction and heated rooms, and +then says the place disagrees with her and will be the death of her +before long. She cannot breathe among the mountains; the moor and +plain are too exposed; the sea gives her a fit of melancholy whenever +she looks at it, and she calls it cruel, crawling, hungry, with a +passion that sounds odd to those who love it; she hates the leafy +tameness of the woods and longs for the freer uplands, the vigorous +wolds, of her early days. + +Wherever, in short, the discontented woman is, it is just where she +would rather not be; and she holds fate and her husband cruel beyond +words because she cannot be transplanted into the exact opposite of +her present position. But mainly and above all she desires to be +transplanted to London. If you were to get her confidence, she would +perhaps tell you she thinks the advice of that sister who counselled +the Lady of Groby to burn down the house, whereby her husband would be +compelled to take her to town, the wisest and most to the purpose that +one woman could give to another. So she mopes and moons through the +days, finding no pleasure anywhere, taking no interest in anything, +viewing herself as a wifely martyr and the oppressed victim of +circumstances; and then she wonders that her husband is always ready +to leave her company and that he evidently finds her more tiresome +than delightful. If she would cultivate a little content she might +probably change the aspect of things even to finding the mountains +beautiful and the sea sublime; but dissatisfaction with her condition +is the Nessus garment which clings to the unhappy creature like a +second self, destroying all her happiness and the chief part of her +usefulness. + +Women of this class say that they want more to do, and a wider field +for their energies than any of those assigned to them by the natural +arrangement of personal and social duties. As administrators of the +fortune which man earns, and as mothers--that is, as the directors, +caretakers, and moulders of the future generation--they have as +important functions as those performed by vestrymen and surgeons. But +let that pass for the moment; the question is not where they ought to +find their fitting occupation and their dearest interests, but where +they profess a desire to do so. As it is, this desire for an enlarged +sphere is one form among many which their discontent takes; yet when +they are obliged to work, they bemoan their hardship in having to find +their own food, and think that men should either take care of them +gratuitously or make way for them chivalrously. In spite of Scripture, +they find that the battle is to the strong and the race to the swift; +and they do not like to be overcome by the one nor distanced by the +other. Their idea of a clear stage is one that includes favour to +their own side; yet they put on airs of indignation and profess +themselves humiliated when men pay the homage of strength to their +weakness and treat them as ladies rather than as equals. + +Elsewhere they complain when they are thrust to the side by the +superior force of the ungodly sex; and think themselves ill-used if +fewer hours of labour--and that labour of what Mr. Carlyle called a +'slim' and superficial kind--cannot command the market and hold the +field against the better work and more continuous efforts of men. +There is nothing of which women speak with more bitterness than of the +lower rates of payment usually accorded to their work; nothing wherein +they seem to be so utterly incapable of judging of cause and effect; +or of taking to heart the unchangeable truth that the best must +necessarily win in the long run, and that the first condition of +equality of payment is equality in the worth of the work done. If +women would perfect themselves in those things which they do already +before carrying their efforts into new fields, we cannot but think it +would be better both for themselves and the world. + +Life is a bewildering tangle at the best, but the discontented woman +is not the one to make it smoother. The craze for excitement and for +unfeminine publicity of life has possessed her, to the temporary +exclusion of many of the sweeter and more modest qualities which were +once distinctively her own. She must have movement, action, fame, +notoriety; and she must come to the front on public questions, no +matter what the subject, to ventilate her theories and show the +quality of her brain. She must be professional all the same as man, +with M.D. after her name; and perhaps, before long, she will want to +don a horsehair wig over her back hair, and address 'My Lud' on behalf +of some interesting criminal taken red-handed, or to follow the +tortuous windings of Chancery practice. When that time comes, and as +soon as the novelty has worn off, she will be sure to complain of the +hardness of the grind and the woes of competition; and the obscure +female apothecary struggling for patients in a poor neighbourhood--the +unemployed lady lawyer waiting in dingy chambers for the clients who +never come--will look back with envy and regret to the time when women +were cared for by men, protected and worked for, and had nothing more +arduous to do than attend to the house, spend the money they did not +earn and forbear to add to the anxieties they did not share. Could +they get all the plums and none of the suet it would be fine enough; +but we question whether they will find the battle of life as carried +on in the lower ranks of the hitherto masculine professions one whit +more ennobling or inspiriting than it is now in their own special +departments. Like the poor man who, being well, wished to be better, +and came to the grave as the result, they do not know when they are +well off; and in their search for excitement, and their discontent +with the monotony, undutifulness and inaction which they have created +for themselves, they run great danger of losing more than they can +gain, and of only changing the name, while leaving untouched the real +nature, of the disease under which they are suffering. + + + + +_ENGLISH CLERGYMEN IN FOREIGN WATERING-PLACES._ + + +Those persons who object to the influence of the clergy in their +parishes at home, and who dislike the idea of being laid hold of by +the ecclesiastical crook and dragged perforce up steep ways and narrow +paths, ought to visit some of our little outlying settlements in +foreign parts. They might take a revengeful pleasure in seeing how the +tables there are turned against the tyrants here, and how weak in the +presence of his transmarine flock is the expatriated shepherd whose +rod at home is oftentimes a rod of iron, and his crook more compelling +than persuasive. Of all men the most to be pitied is surely the +clergyman of one of those small English settlements which are +scattered about France and Italy, Germany and Switzerland; and of all +men of education, and what is meant by the position of a gentleman, he +is the most in thraldom. + +His very means of living depending on his congregation, he must first +of all please that congregation and keep it in good humour. So, it may +be said, must a clergyman in London whose income is from pew-rents and +whose congregation are not his parishioners. But London is large; the +tempers and thoughts of men are as numerous as the houses; there is +room for all, and lines of affinity for all. The Broad Churchman will +attract his hearers, and the Ritualist his, from out of the mass, as +magnets attract steel filings; and each church will be filled with +hearers who come there by preference. But in a small and stationary +society, in a congregation already made and not specially attracted, +yet by which he has to live, the clergyman finds himself more the +servant than the leader, less the pastor than the thrall. He must +'suit,' else he is nowhere, and his bread and butter are vanishing +points in his horizon; that is, he must preach and think, not +according to the truth that is in him, but according to the views of +the most influential of his hearers, and in attacking their souls he +must touch tenderly their tempers. + +These tempers are for the most part lions in the way difficult to +propitiate. The elementary doctrines of Christianity must be preached +of course, and sin must be held up as the thing to avoid, while virtue +must be complimented as the thing to be followed, and a spiritual +state of mind must be discreetly advocated. These are safe +generalities; but the dangers of application are many. How to preach +of duties to a body of men and women who have thrown off every +national and local obligation?--who have left their estates to be +managed by agents, their houses to be filled by strangers, who have +given up their share of interest in the school and the village +reading-room, the poor and the parish generally--men and women who +have handed themselves over to indolence and pleasure-seeking, the +luxurious enjoyment of a fine climate, the pleasant increase of income +to be got by comparative cheapness of breadstuffs, and the abandonment +of all those outgoings roughly comprised under the head of local +duties and local obligations?--how, indeed? They have no duties to be +reminded of in those moral generalizations which touch all and offend +none; and the clergyman who should go into details affecting his +congregation personally, who should preach against sloth and slander, +pleasure-seeking and selfishness, would soon preach to empty pews and +be cut by his friends as an impertinent going beyond his office. + +His congregation too, composed of educated ladies and gentlemen, is +sure to be critical, and therefore all but impossible to teach. If he +inclines a hair's breadth to the right or the left beyond the point at +which they themselves stand, he is held to be unsound. His sermons are +gravely canvassed in the afternoon conclaves which meet at each +other's houses to discuss the excitement of the Sunday morning in the +new arrivals or the new toilets. Has he dwelt on the humanity +underlying the Christian faith? He is drifting into Socinianism; and +those whose inclinations go for abstract dogmas well backed by +brimstone say that he does not preach the Gospel. Has he exalted the +functions of the minister, and tried to invest his office with a +spiritual dignity and power that would furnish a good leverage over +his flock? He is accused of sacerdotalism, and the free-citizen blood +of his listening Erastians is up and flaming. Does he, to avoid these +stumbling-blocks, wander into the deeper mysteries and discourse on +things which no man can either explain or understand? He is accused of +presumption and profanity, and is advised to stick to the Lord's +Prayer and the Sermon on the Mount. If he is earnest he is +impertinent; if he is level he is cold. Each member of his +congregation, subscribing a couple of guineas towards his support, +feels as if he or she had claims to that amount over the body and soul +and mind and powers of the poor parson in his or her pay; and the +claim is generally worked out in snippets, not individually dangerous +to life nor fortune, but inexpressibly aggravating, and as depressing +as annoying. For the most part, the unhappy man is safest when he +sticks to broad dogma, and leaves personal morality alone. And he is +almost sure to be warmly applauded when he has a shy at science, and +says that physicists are fools who assert more than they can prove, +because they cannot show why an acorn should produce an oak, nor how +the phenomena of thought are elaborated. This throwing of date-stones +is sure to strike no listening djinn. The mass of the congregations +sitting in the English Protestant churches built on foreign soil, know +little and care less about the physical sciences; but it gives them a +certain comfortable glow to think that they are so much better than +those sinful and presumptuous men who work at bacteria and the +spectroscope; and they hug themselves as they say, each man in his +own soul, how much nicer it is to be dogmatically safe than +intellectually learned. + +Preaching personal morality indeed, with possible private application, +would be rather difficult in dealing with a congregation not +unfrequently made up of doubtful elements. Take that pretty young +woman and her handsome _roué_-looking husband, who have come no one +knows whence and are no one knows what, but who attend the services +with praiseworthy punctuality, spend any amount of money, and are +being gradually incorporated into the society of the place. The parson +may have had private hints conveyed to him from his friends at home +that, of the matrimonial conditions between the two, everything is +real save the assumed 'lines.' But how is he to say so? They have made +themselves valuable members of his congregation, and give larger +donations than any one else. They have got the good will of the +leading persons in the sacred community, and, having something to +hide, are naturally careful to please, and are consequently popular. +He can scarcely give form and substance to the hints he has had +conveyed to him; yet his conscience cries out on the one side, if his +weakness binds him to silence on the other. In any case, how can he +make himself the Nathan to this questionable David, and, holding forth +on the need of virtuous living, thunder out, 'Thou art the man!'? Let +him try the experiment, and he will find a hornet's nest nothing to +it. + +How too, can he preach honesty to men, perhaps his own churchwardens, +who have outrun the constable and outwitted their creditors at one and +the same time? How lecture women who flirt over the borders on the +week days, but pay handsomely for their sittings on Sundays, on the +crown with which Solomon endowed the lucky husband of the virtuous +woman? He may wish to do all this; but his wife and children, and the +supreme need of food and firing, step in between him and the higher +functions of his calling; and he owns himself forced to accept the +world as he finds it, sins and shortcomings with the rest, and to take +heed lest he be eaten up by over-zeal or carried into personal +darkness by his desire for his people's light. + +Sometimes the poor man is in thrall to some one in particular rather +than to his flock as a body; and there are times when this dominant +power is a woman; in which case the many contrarieties besetting his +position may be multiplied _ad infinitum_. Nothing can exceed the +miserable subjection of a clergyman given over to the tender mercies +of a feminine despot. She knows everything, and she governs as much as +she knows. She makes herself the arbiter of his whole life, from his +conscience to his children's boots, and he can call neither his soul +nor his home his own. She prescribes his doctrine, and takes care to +let him know when he has transgressed the rules she has laid down for +his guidance. She treats the hymns as part of her personal +prerogative, and is violently offended if those having a ritualistic +tendency are sung, or if those are taken whereof the tunes are too +jaunty or the measure is too slow. The unfortunate man feels under her +eye during the whole of the service, like a schoolboy under the eye of +his preceptress; and he dare not even begin the opening sentences +until she has rustled up the aisle and has said her private prayer +quite comfortably. She holds over his head the terror of vague threats +and shadowy misfortunes should he cross her will; but at the same time +he does not find that running in her harness brings extra grist to his +mill, nor that his way is the smoother because he treads in the +footsteps she has marked out for him. + +Sometimes she takes a craze against a voluntary; sometimes she objects +to any approach to chanting; and if certain recalcitrants of the +congregation, in possession of the harmonium, insist on their own +methods against hers, she writes home to the Society and complains of +the thin edge of the wedge and the Romanizing tendencies of her +spiritual adviser. In any case she is a fearful infliction; and a +church ruled by a female despot is about the most pitiable instance we +know of insolent tyranny and broken-backed dependence. + +But the clergymen serving these transmarine stations are not often +themselves men of mark nor equal to their contemporaries at home. They +are often sickly, which means a low amount of vital energy; oftener +impecunious, which presupposes want of grip and precludes real +independence. They are men whose career has been somehow arrested; and +their natures have suffered in the blight that has befallen their +hopes. Their whole life is more or less a compromise, now with +conscience, now with character; and they have to wink at evils which +they ought to denounce, and bear with annoyances which they ought to +resent. In most cases they are obliged to eke out their scanty incomes +by taking pupils; and here again the millstone round their necks is +heavy, and they have to pay a large moral percentage on their +pecuniary gains. If their pupils are of the age when boys begin to +call themselves men, they have to keep a sharp look-out on them; and +they suffer many things on the score of responsibility when that +look-out is evaded, as it necessarily must be at times. As the +characteristic quality of small societies is gossip, and as gossip +always includes exaggeration, the peccadilloes of the young fellows +are magnified into serious sins, and then bound as a burden on the +back of the poor cleric in thrall to the idle imaginings of men and +the foolish fears of women. One black sheep in the pupilary flock will +do more damage to the reputation of the unhappy pastor who has them in +hand than a dozen shining lights will do him good. Morality is assumed +to be the free gift of the tutor to the pupil; and if the boy is bad +the man is to blame for not having made that free-gift betimes. + +Look at it how we will, the clergyman in charge of these foreign +congregations has no very pleasant time of it. In a sense +expatriated; his home ties growing daily weaker; his hope of home +preferment reduced to _nil_; his liberty of conscience a dream of the +past; and all the mystical power of his office going down in the +conflict caused by the need of pew-rents, submission to tyrants, and +dependence on the Home Society, he lives from year to year bemoaning +the evil chances which have flung him on this barren, shifting, +desolate strand, and becoming less and less fitted for England and +English parochial work--that castle in the air, quiet and secure, +which he is destined never to inhabit. He is touched too in part by +the atmosphere of his surroundings; and to a congregation without +duties a clergyman with views more accommodating than severe comes +only too naturally as the appropriate pastor. The whole thing proves +that thraldom to the means of living, or rather to the persons +representing those means, damages all men alike--those in cassock and +gown as well as those in slop and blouse--and that lay influence can, +in certain circumstances, be just as tyrannical over the clerical +conscience as clerical influence is apt to be tyrannical over lay +living. + + + + +_OLD FRIENDS._ + + +We know all that can be said in laudation of old friends--the people +whose worth has been tried and their constancy proved--who have come +when you have called and danced when you have piped--been faithful in +sunshine and shadow alike--not envious of your prosperity nor +deserting you in your adversity--old friends who, like old wine, have +lost the crudity of newness, have mellowed by keeping, and have +blended the ripeness of age with the vigour of youth. It is all true +in certain circumstances and under certain conditions; but the old +friend of this ideal type is as hard to find as any other ideal; while +bad imitations abound, and life is rendered miserable by them. + +There are old friends who make the fact of old friendship a basis for +every kind of unpleasantness. Their opinion is not asked, but they +volunteer it on all occasions, and are sure to give it in the manner +which galls you most and which you can least resent. They snub you +before your latest acquaintances--charming people of good status with +whom you especially desire to stand well; and break up your +pretensions of present superiority by that sledge-hammer of old +friendship which knows you down to the ground and will stand no +nonsense. The more formal and fastidious your company, the more they +will rasp your nerves by the coarse familiarity of their address; and +they know no greater pleasure than to put you in a false position by +pretending to keep you in your true place. They run in on you at all +times; and you have neither an hour undisturbed nor a pursuit +uninterrupted, still less a circumstance of your life kept sacred from +them. The strictest orders to your servant are ignored; and they push +past any amount of verbal barriers with the irresistible force of old +friendship to which nothing can be denied. Whatever you are doing you +can just see them, they say, smiling; and they have neither conscience +nor compassion when they come and eat up your time, which is your +money, for the gratification of hearing themselves talk and of +learning how you are getting on. They do not scruple to ask about your +affairs direct questions to which you must perforce give an answer; +silence or evasion betraying the truth as much as assent; and they +will make you a present of their mind on the matter, which, though to +the last degree condemnatory, you are expected to accept with becoming +gratitude and humility. + +If you have known them in your early boyhood, when you were all +uncivilized hail-fellows together, they refuse to respect your maturer +dignity, and will Tom and Dick and Harry you to the end, though you +sit in a horsehair wig on the bench, while your old friend, once your +class-mate of the country grammar school where you both got your +rudiments, is only a city clerk, badly paid and married to his +landlady's daughter. + +To women this kind of return from the grave of the past is a dreadful +infliction and oftentimes a danger. The playfellows of the romping +hoydenish days dash home, bearded and bronzed, from Australia or +California; stride into the calm circle of refined matronhood with the +old familiar manner and using the old familiar terms; ask Fan or Nell +if she remembers this or that adventure on the mountain-side? by the +lake? in the wood?--topping their query by a meaning laugh as if more +remained behind than was expedient to declare. They slap the dignified +husband on the back, and call him a d----d lucky dog; telling him +that they envy him his catch, and would gladly stand in his shoes if +they could. It was all that cross-cornered cursed fate of theirs which +sent them off to Australia or California; else he, the dignified +husband, would never have had the chance--hey, Fan? And they wink when +they say it, as if they had good grounds to go on. The wife is on +thorns all the time these hateful visits last. She wonders how she +could ever have been on romping terms with such a horror, even in her +youngest days; and feels that she shall hate her own name for ever, +after hearing it mouthed and bawled by her old friend with such +aggressive familiarity. The husband, if jealous by nature, begins to +look sullen and suspicious. Even if he is not jealous, but only +reserved and conventional, he does not like what he sees, still less +what he hears; and is more than half inclined to think he has made a +mistake, and that the Fan or Nell of his bosom would have been better +mated with the old friend from the backwoods than with him. + +The old friends who turn up in this way at all corners of your life +are sure to be needy, and hold their old friendship as a claim on your +balance at the bank. They stick closer to you than a brother, and you +are expected to stick as close to them; and, as a sign thereof, to +provide for their necessities as so much interest on the old account +of affection still running. If you shrink from them and try to shunt +them quietly, they go about the world proclaiming your ingratitude, +and trumpeting forth their deserts and your demerits. They deride your +present success, which they call stuck-up and mushroom; telling all +the minor miseries of your past, when your father found it hard to +provide suitably for his large family, and their mother had more than +once to give yours a child's frock and pinafore in pity for your rags. +They generally contrive to make a division in your circle; and you +find some of your new friends look coldly on you because it is said +you have been ungrateful to your old. The whole story may be a myth, +the mere coinage of vanity and disappointment; but when did the world +stop to prove the truth before it condemned? + +There is no circumstance so accidental, no kindness so trivial, that +it cannot be made to constitute a claim to friendship for life and +all that friendship includes--intimacy before the world; pecuniary +help when needed; no denial of time; no family secrets; unvarying +inclusion in all your entertainments; personal participation in all +your successes; liberty to say unpleasant things without offence and +to interfere in your arrangements; and the right to take at least one +corner of your soul, and that not a small one, which is not to be your +own but your old friends'. Have they, by the merest chance, introduced +you to your wife the beautiful heiress, to your husband the good +match?--the world echoes with the news, and the echoes are never +suffered to die out. It is told everywhere, and always as if your +happy marriage were the object they had had in view from the earliest +times--as if they had lived and worked for a consummation which in +reality came about by the purest accident. Have they been helpful and +friendly when your first child was born, or nursery sickness was in +your house?--you are bought for life, you and your offspring; unless +you have had the happy thought of making them sponsors, when they +learn the knack of disappearing from your immediate circle, and of +only turning up on those formal occasions which do not admit of making +presents. Did they introduce you to your first employer?--your +subsequent success is the work of their hands, and they bear your fame +on their shoulders like complacent Atlases balancing the world. + +They go about cackling to every one who will listen to them how they +got your first essay into print; how they mentioned your name to the +Commissioners, and how, in consequence, the Commissioners gave you +that place whence dates your marvellous rise in life; how they advised +your father to send you to sea and so to make a man of you, and thus +were the indirect cause of your K.C.B.-ship. But for them you would +have been a mere nobody, grubbing in a dingy City office to this day. +They gave you your start, and you owe all you are to them. And if you +fail to honour their draft on your gratitude to the fullest amount, +they proclaim you a defaulter to the most sacred claims and the most +pious feelings of humanity. You point the moral of the base +ingratitude of man, and are a text on which they preach the sermon of +non-intervention in the affairs of others. Let drowning men sink; let +the weak go to the wall; and on no account let any one trouble himself +about the welfare of old friends, if this is to be the reward. +Henceforth, you are morally branded, and your old friend takes care +that the iron shall be hot. There is no service, however trifling, but +can be made a yoke to hang round your neck for life; and the more you +struggle against it the more it galls you. Your best plan of bearing +it is with the patience which laughs and lets things slide. If +however, you are resolute in repudiation, you must take the sure +result without wincing. + +To these friends of your own add the friends of the family--those +uncomfortable adhesives who cling to you like so many octopods, +and are not to be shaken off by any means known to you. They claim +you as their own--something in which they have the rights of +part-proprietorship--because they knew you when you were in your +cradle, and had bored your parents as they want to bore you. It is of +no use to say that circumstances are of less weight than character. +You and they may stand at opposite poles in thought, in aspiration, in +social condition, in habits. Nevertheless they insist on it that the +bare fact of longtime acquaintance is to be of more value than all +these vital discrepancies; and you find yourself saddled with friends +who are utterly uncongenial to you in every respect, because your +father once lived next door to them in the country town where you were +born, and spent one evening a week in their society playing long whist +for threepenny points. You inherit your weak chest and your snub nose, +gout in your blood and a handful of ugly skeletons in your cupboard; +these are things you cannot get rid of; things which come as part of +the tangled yarn of your life and are the inalienable misfortunes of +inheritance; but it is too bad to add family friends whom of your own +accord you would never have known; and to have them seated as Old Men +of the Sea on your neck, never to be shaken off while they live. + +In fact, this whole question of friendship wants revision. The general +tendency is to make it too stringent in its terms, and too +indissoluble in its fastenings. If the present should not make one +forget the past, neither should the past tyrannize over the present. +Old friends may have been pleasant enough in their day, but a day is +not for ever, and they are hurtful and unpleasant now, under new +conditions and in changed circumstances. They disturb the harmony of +our surroundings, and no one can feel happy in discord. + +They themselves too, change; we all do, as life goes on and experience +increases; and it is simply absurd to bring the old fashions of early +days into the new relations of later times. We are not the Tom, Dick, +and Harry of our boyhood in any essential save identity of person; +neither are they the Bill and Jim they were. We have gone to the +right, they to the left; and the gap between us is wider and deeper +than that of mere time. Of what use then, to try to galvanize the dead +past into the semblance of vitality? Each knows in his heart that it +is dead; and the only one who wishes to galvanize it into simulated +life is the one who will somehow benefit by the discomfort and +abasement of the other. For our own part, we think one of the most +needful things to learn on our way through the world is, that the dead +are dead, and that silent burial is better than spasmodic galvanism. + + + + +_POPULAR WOMEN._ + + +The three chief causes of personal popularity among women are, the +admiration which is excited, the sympathy which is given, or the +pleasure that can be bestowed. We put out of court for our present +purpose the popularity which accompanies political power or +intellectual strength, this being due to condition, not quality, and +therefore not of the sort we mean. Besides, it belongs to men rather +than to women, who seldom have any direct power that can advance +others, and still seldomer intellectual strength enough to obtain a +public following because of their confessed supremacy. The popular +women we mean are simply those met with in society--women whose +natural place is the drawing-room and whose sphere is the well-dressed +world--women who are emphatically ladies, and who understand _les +convenances_ and obey them, even if they take up a cause, practise +philanthropy or preach philosophy. But the popular woman rarely does +take up a cause or make her philanthropy conspicuous and her +philosophy audible. Partizanship implies angles; and she has no +angles. If of the class of the admired, she is most popular who is +least obtrusive in her claims and most ingenuous in ignoring her +superiority. A pretty woman, however pretty, if affected, vain, or apt +to give herself airs, may be admired but is never popular. The men +whom she snubs sneer at her in private; the women whom she eclipses as +well as snubs do more than sneer; those only to whom she is gracious +find her beauty a thing of joy; but as she is distractingly eclectic +in her favouritism she counts as many foes as she has friends; and +though those who dislike her cannot call her ugly, they can call her +disagreeable, and do. But the pretty woman who wears her beauty to all +appearance unconsciously, never suffering it to be aggressive to other +women nor wilfully employing it for the destruction of men, who is +gracious in manner and of a pleasant temper, who is frank and +approachable, and does not seem to consider herself as something +sacred and set apart from the world because nature made her lovelier +than the rest--she is the woman whom all unite in admiring, the +popular person _par excellence_ of her set. + +The popular pretty woman is one who, take her as a young wife (and she +must be married), honestly loves her husband, but does not thrust her +affection into the face of the world, and never flirts with him in +public. Indeed, she flirts with other men just enough to make time +pass pleasantly, and enjoys a rapid waltz or a lively conversation as +much as when she was seventeen and before she was appropriated. She +does not think it necessary to go about morally ticketed; nor does she +find it vital to her dignity nor to her virtue to fence herself round +with coldness or indifference to the multitude by way of proving her +loyalty to one. Still, as it is notorious that she does love her +husband, and as every one knows that he and she are perfectly content +with each other and therefore not on the look-out for supplements, the +men with whom she has those innocent little jokes, those transparent +secrets, those animated conversations, that confessed friendship and +good understanding, do not make mistakes; and the very women belonging +to them forget to be censorious, even though this other, this popular +woman, is so much admired. + +This popular woman is a mother too, and a fond one. Hence she can +sympathize with other mothers, and expatiate on their common +experiences in the confidential chat over five o'clock tea, as all +fond mothers do and should. She keeps a well-managed house, and is +notorious for the amount of needlework she gets through; and of which +she is prettily proud; not being ashamed to tell you that the dress +you admire so much was made by her own hands, and she will give your +wife the pattern if she likes; while she boasts of even rougher +upholstery work which she and her maid and her sewing-machine have got +through with despatch and credit. She gives dinners with a _cachet_ of +their own--dinners which have evidently been planned with careful +thought and study; and she is not above her work as mistress and +organizer of her household. Yet she finds time to keep abreast with +the current literature of the day, and never has to confess to +ignorance of the ordinary topics of conversation. She is not a woman +of extreme views about anything. She has not signed improper papers +and she does not discuss improper questions; she does not go in for +woman's rights; she has a horror of facility of divorce; and she sets +up for nothing--being neither an Advanced Woman desirous of usurping +the possessions and privileges of men, nor a Griselda who thinks her +proper place is at the feet of men, to take their kicks with patience +and their caresses with gratitude, as is becoming in an inferior +creature. She does not dabble in politics; and though she likes to +make her dinners successful and her evenings brilliant, she by no +means assumes to be a leader of fashion nor to impose laws on her +circle. She likes to be admired, and she is always ready to let +herself be loved. She is always ready too, to do any good work that +comes in her way; and she finds time for the careful overlooking of a +few pet charities about which she makes no parade, just as she finds +time for her nursery and her needlework. And, truth to tell, she +enjoys these quiet hours, with only her children to love her and her +poor pensioners to admire her, quite as much as she enjoys the +brilliant receptions where she is among the most popular and the most +beautiful. + +Her nature is gentle, her affections are large, her passions small. +She may have prejudices, but they are prejudices of a mild kind, +mainly on the side of modesty and tenderness and the quietude of true +womanhood. She is woman throughout, without the faintest dash of the +masculine element in mind or manners; and she aspires to be nothing +else. She carries with her an atmosphere of happiness, of content, of +spiritual completeness, of purity which is not prudery. Her life is +filled with a variety of interests; consequently she is never peevish +through monotony, nor yet, on the other hand, is she excited, hurried, +storm-driven, as those who give themselves up to 'objects,' and +perfect nothing because they attempt too much. She is popular, because +she is beautiful without being vain; loving without being sentimental; +happy in herself, yet not indifferent to others; because she +understands her drawing-room duties as well as her domestic ones, and +knows how to combine the home life with social splendour. This is the +best type of the popular pretty woman to whom is given admiration, and +against whom no one has a stone to fling nor a slander to whisper; and +this is the ideal woman of the English upper-class home, of whom we +still raise a few specimens, just to show what women may be if they +like, and what sweet and lovely creatures they are when they are +content to be as nature designed them. + +Another kind of popular woman is the sympathetic woman, the woman who +gives instead of receiving. This kind is of variable conditions. She +may be old, she may be ugly; in fact, she is more often both than +neither; but she is a universal favourite notwithstanding, and no +woman is more sought after nor less wearied of, although few can say +why they like her. She may be married; but generally she is either a +widow or an old maid; for, if she be a wife, her sympathies for things +abroad are necessarily somewhat cramped by the pressure of those at +home;--and her sympathies are her claim to popularity. She is sincere +too, as well as sympathetic, and she is safe. She holds the secrets of +all her friends; but no one suspects that any before himself has +confided in her. She has the art, or rather the charm, of perpetual +spiritual freshness, and all her friends think in turn that the +fountain has been unsealed now for the first time. This is not +artifice; it is simply the property of deep and inexhaustible +sympathy. It is not necessary that she should be a wise adviser to be +popular. Her province is to listen and to sympathize; to gather the +sorrows and the joys of others into her own breast, so as to soften by +sharing or heighten by reduplication. Most frequently she is not over +rigid in her notions of moral prudence, and will let a lovesick girl +talk of her lover, even if the affair be hopeless and has been +forbidden; while she will do her best to soothe the man who has had +the misfortune to get crazed about his friend's wife. She has been +even known, under pressure, to convey a message or a hint; and of the +two she is decidedly more pitiful to sorrow than severe to +wrong-doing. She is in all the misfortunes and maladies of her +friends. No death takes place without her bearing part of the +mourning on her own soul; but then no marriage is considered complete +in which she has not a share. She is called on to help whenever there +is work to be done, if she be of the practical type; if of the mental, +she has merely to give up her own pleasures and her time that she may +look on and sympathize. Every one likes her; every one takes to her at +first sight; no one is jealous of her; and the law of her life is to +spend and be spent for others. It not rarely happens though, that she +who does so much for those others has to bear her own burden +unassisted; and that she sits at home surrounded by those spectres of +despair, those ghosts of sorrow, which she helps to dispel from the +homes of others. But she is not selfish; and while she trudges along +cheerfully enough under the heavy end of her friend's crosses, she +asks no one to lay so much as a finger on her own. In consequence of +which no one imagines that she ever suffers at all on her own account; +and most of her friends would take it as a personal affront were she +to turn the tables and ask for the smallest portion of that of which +she had given so much to others. She is the moral anodyne of her +circle; and when she ceases to soothe, she abdicates the function +assigned to her by nature and dies out of her allotted uses. + +Another kind of popular person is the woman whose sympathies are more +superficial, but whose faculties are more brilliant; the woman who +makes herself agreeable, as it is called--that is, who can talk when +she is wanted to talk; listen when she is wanted to listen; take a +prominent part and some responsibility or keep her personality in the +background, according to circumstances and the need of the moment; who +is eminently a useful member of society, and popular just in +proportion to the pleasure she can shed around her. But she offends no +one, even though she is notoriously sought after and made much of; for +she is good-natured to all, and people are not jealous of those who do +not flaunt their successes and whom popularity does not make insolent. +The popular woman of this kind is always ready to help in the pleasure +of others. She is a fair-weather friend, and shrinks with the most +charming frankness from those on whom dark days have fallen. She is +really very sorry when any of her friends fall out from the ranks, and +are left behind to the tender mercies of those cruel camp-followers in +the march of life--sorrow or sickness; but she feels that her place is +not with them--rather with the singers and players who are stepping +along in front making things pleasant for the main body. But if she +cannot stop to smooth the pillows of a dying-bed, nor soothe the +troubles of an aching heart, she can organize delightful parties; set +young people to congenial games; take off bores on to her own +shoulders, and even utilize them for the neutralization of other +bores. She is good for the back seat or the front, as is most +convenient to others. She can shine at the state-dinner where you want +a serviceable show, or make a diversion in the quiet, not to say +stupid, conglomerate of fogies, where you want a lively element to +prevent universal stupor. She talks easily and well, and even +brilliantly when on her mettle, but not so as to excite men's envy; +and she has no decided opinions. She is a chameleon, an opal, changing +ever in changing lights, and no one was yet able to determine her +central quality. All that can be said of her is that she is +good-natured and amusing, clever, facile, and ever ready to assist at +all kinds of gatherings, which she has the knack of making go, and +which would have been slow without her; that she knows every game ever +invented, and is good for every sort of festivity; that she is always +well-dressed, even-tempered, and in (apparently) unwearied spirits and +superb health; but what she is at home, when the world is shut out, +never troubles the thoughts of any. She is to society what the +sympathetic woman is to the individual, and the reward is much the +same in both cases. But unless the socially useful woman has been able +to secure the interest of the sympathetic one, the chances are that, +popular as she is now, she will be relegated to the side when her time +of brilliancy has passed; and that, when her last hour comes, it will +find her without the comfort of a friend, forsaken and forgotten. She +is of the kind to whom _sic transit_ more especially applies; and if +her life's food has not been quite the husks, at all events it has not +been good meat nor fine meal. + + + + +_CHOOSING OR FINDING._ + + +The controversy as to which is the better of the two methods of +marrying one's daughter, in use in France and England respectively, +has not yet been decided by any preponderating evidence. Whether the +parents--especially the mother--ought to find a husband for the +daughter, or whether the girl, young and inexperienced as she is, +should seek one for herself, with the chance of not knowing her own +mind in the first place, and of not understanding the real nature of +the man she chooses in the second--these are the two principles +contended for by the rival methods; and the fight is still going on. +The truth is, the worst of either is so infinitely bad that there is +nothing to choose between them; and the same is true, inversely, of +the best. When things go well, the advocates of the particular system +involved sing their pæans, and show how wise they were; when they go +ill, the opponents howl their condemnation, and say: We told you so. + +The French method is based on the theory that a woman's knowledge of +the world, and a mother's intimate acquaintance with her daughter's +special temper and requirements, are likely to be truer guides in the +choice of a husband than the callow fancy of a girl. It is assumed +that the former will be better able than the latter to separate the +reality from the appearance, to winnow the grain from the chaff. She +will appraise at its true value a fascinating manner with a shaky +moral character at its back; and a handsome face will go for little +when the family lawyer confesses the poverty of the family purse. To +the girl, a fluent tongue, flattering ways, a taking presence, would +have included everything in heaven and earth that a man should be; and +no dread of future poverty, no evidence of the bushels of wild oats +sown broadcast, would have convinced her that Don Juan was a _mauvais +parti_ and a scamp into the bargain. Again, the mother usually knows +her daughters' dispositions better than the daughters themselves, and +can distinguish between idiosyncrasies and needs as no young people +are able to do. Laura is romantic, sentimental, imaginative; but Laura +cannot mend a stocking nor make a shirt, nor do any kind of work +requiring strength of grasp or deftness of touch. She has no power of +endurance, no persistency of will, no executive ability; but she falls +in love with a younger son just setting out to seek his fortunes in +Australia; and, if allowed, she marries him, full of enthusiasm and +delight, and goes out with him. In a year's time she is +dead--literally killed by hardship; or, if she has vitality enough to +survive the hard experience of roughing it in the bush, she collapses +into a wretched, haggard, faded woman, prematurely old, hopeless and +dejected; the miserable victim of circumstances sinking under a burden +too heavy for her to bear. + +Now a French mother would have foreseen all these dangers, and would +have provided against them. She would have known the unsubstantial +quality of Laura's romance, and the reality of her physical weakness +and incapacity. She would have kept her out of sight and hearing of +that fascinating younger son just off to Australia to dig out his +rough fortunes in the bush, and would have quietly assigned her to +some conventional well-endowed man of mature age--who might not have +been a soul's ideal, and whose rheumatism would have made him chary of +the moonlight--but who would have taken care of the poor little frail +body, dressed it in dainty gowns and luxurious furs, given it a soft +couch to lie on and a luxurious carriage to drive in, and provided it +with food convenient and ease unbroken. And in the end, Laura would +have found that mamma had known what was best for her; and that her +ordinary-looking, middle-aged caretaker was a better husband for her +than would have been that adventurous young Adonis, who could have +given her nothing better than a shakedown of dried leaves, a deal box +for an arm-chair, and a cup of brick tea for the sparkling wines of +her youth. + +It may be a humiliating confession to make, but the old saying about +poverty coming in at the door and love flying out of the window holds +true in all cases where there is not strength enough to rough it; for +the body holds the spirit captive, and, however willing the one may +be, the weakness of the other conquers in the end. + +On the other hand, Maria, square-set, defying, adventurous, brave, as +the wife of a rich man here in England, would be as one smothered in +rose leaves. The dull monotony of conventional life would half madden +her; and her uncompromising temper would break out in a thousand +eccentricities, and make her countless enemies. Let _her_ go to the +bush if you like. She is of the stamp which bears heroes; and her sons +will be a stalwart race fit for the work before them. The wise mother +who had it in hand to organize the future of her daughters would take +care to find her a man and a fortune that would utilize her energy and +courage; but Maria, if left to herself, might perhaps fall in love +with some cavalry officer of good family and expectations, whose +present dash would soon have to be exchanged for the stereotyped +conventionalities of the owner of a place, where, as his wife, her +utmost limit of physical action would be riding to hounds and taking +off the prize for archery. + +Such well-fitting arrangements as these are the ideal of the French +system; just as the union of two hearts, the one soul finding its +companion soul and both living happily ever after, is the ideal of the +English system. Against the French lies the charge of the cruel sale, +for so much money, of a young creature who has not been allowed a +choice, scarcely even the right of rejection; against the English the +cruelty of suffering a girl's foolish fancy to destroy her whole life, +and the absurdity of treating such a fancy as a fact. For the French +there is the plea of the enormous power of instinct and habit, and +that really it signifies very little to a girl what man she marries; +provided only that he is kind to her and that she has not fallen in +love with any one else; seeing that she is sure to love the first +presented. For the English there is the counter plea of individual +needs and independent choice, and the theory that women do not love by +instinct but by sympathy. The French make great account of the +absolute virginity in heart of the young girl they marry; and few +Frenchmen would think they had got the kind of woman warranted if they +married one who had been engaged two or three times already--to whose +affianced lovers had been accorded the familiarities which we in +England hold innocent and as matters of course. The English, in +return, demand a more absolute fidelity after marriage, and are +generous enough to a few false starts before. To them the contract is +more a matter of free choice than it is in France; consequently +failure in carrying out the stipulations carries with it more +dishonour. The French, taking into consideration that the wife had +nothing to say to the bargain which gave her away, are inclined +to be more lenient when the theory of instinctive love fails to +work, and the individuality of the woman expresses itself in an +after-preference; always provided, of course, that the _bienséances_ +are respected, and that no scandal is created. + +Among the conflicting rights and wrongs of the two systems it is very +difficult to say which is the better, which the wiser. If it seems a +horrible thing to marry a young girl without her consent, or without +any more knowledge of the man with whom she is to pass her life than +can be got by seeing him once or twice in formal family conclave, it +seems quite as bad to let our women roam about the world at the age +when their instincts are strongest and their reason weakest--open to +the flatteries of fools and fops--the prey of professed +lady-killers--the objects of lover-like attentions by men who mean +absolutely nothing but the amusement of making love--the subjects for +erotic anatomists to study at their pleasure. Who among our girls +after twenty carries an absolutely untouched heart to the man she +marries? Her former predilection may have been a dream, a fancy--still +it was there; and there are few wives who, in their little tiffs and +moments of irritation, do not feel, 'If I had married my first love, +_he_ would not have treated me so.' Perhaps a wise man does not care +for a mere baseless thought; but all men are not wise, and to some a +spiritual condition is as real as a physical fact. Others however, do +not trouble themselves for what has gone before if they can but secure +what follows after; but we imagine that most men would rather not +know their wives' dreams; and _cet autre_, however shadowy, is a rival +not specially desired by the average husband. + +If the independence of life and free intercourse between young men and +maidens is in its degree dangerous in England, what must it be in +America, where anything like chaperonage is unknown, and where girls +and boys flock together without a mamma or a guardian among them? +where engaged couples live under the same roof for months at a time, +also without a mamma or a guardian? and where the young men take the +young women about on night excursions alone, and no harm thought by +any one? Is human nature really different in America from what it is +in the Old World? Are Columbia's sons in truth like Erin's of old +time, so good or so cold? It is a saying hard of acceptance to us who +are accustomed to regard our daughters as precious things to be taken +care of--if not quite so frail as the French regard theirs, yet not +too secure, and certainly not to be left too much to themselves with +only young men for their guardians. They are our lambs, and we look +out for wolves. To be sure the comparative paucity of women in the +United States, and the conviction which every girl has that she may +pretty well make her own choice, help to keep matters straight. That +is easy to be understood. There is no temptation to eat green berries +in an orchard full of ripe fruit. But if this be true of America, then +the converse must be true of England, where the redundancy of women +is one of the most patent facts of the time, and where consequently +they cannot so well afford to indulge that pride of person which +hesitates among many before selecting one. In America this pride of +person of itself erects a barrier between the wolves and the lambs; +but where the very groundwork of it is wanting, as in England, it +behoves the natural guardians to be on the watch, and to take care of +those who cannot take care of themselves. Whether or not that care +should be carried to the extent to which French parents carry +theirs--and especially in the matter of making the marriage for the +daughter and not letting her make it for herself--we leave an open +question. Perhaps a little modification in the practice of both +nations would be the best for all concerned. Without trusting quite so +much to instinct as the French, we might profitably curtail a little +more than we do the independent choice of those who are too young and +too ignorant to know what they want, or what they have got when they +have chosen; and without letting their young girls run all abroad +without direction, the French might, in turn, allow them some kind of +human preference, and not treat them as mere animals bound to be +grateful to the hand that feeds them, and docile to the master who +governs them. + + + + +_LOCAL FÊTES._ + + +The efforts of country places in the matter of local fêtes and shows +are often beset with difficulties. The great people, who have seen the +best of everything in Paris and London, give their money sparsely and +their energies with languor; or it may be that certain of the more +good-natured kill the whole affair by their superabundant patronage, +as nurses stifle infants by over-care. The very poor can only +participate to the extent of pence when the thing is organized; they +can neither subscribe for the general expenses nor give time to the +arrangements; consequently the burden rests on the shoulders of the +middle class, which in a small country neighbourhood is represented by +the well-to-do tradesmen, the innkeepers, and the rival professionals. +Once a year or so the desire fastens on these people to get up a local +fête--say a flower-show, or games, or both combined--as an evidence of +local vitality; a claim on the county newspaper for two or three +columns of description with all the names in full flanked by a +generous application of adjectives; an occasion for mutual +self-laudation; and a pleasing impression of the eyes of England +being turned upon them. They find their work cut out for them when +they begin; and before the end most of them wish they had never been +bitten by the mania of parochial ambition, but had let the old place +lie in its wonted stagnation without attempting to stir it at the cost +of so much vexation and thankless trouble. + +Jealousy and huffiness are the dominant characteristics of small +communities, as all people know who have had dealings therewith. The +question of precedence affects more than the choice of the First Lady +in an assembly where there are no ladies to be first, though there may +be plenty of honest women; and the men squabble for distinctive +offices and the recognition of services to the full as much as the +lawyer's wife squabbles with the doctor's, and both with the wholesale +grocer's, as to which of the three is to be first taken down to supper +and set at the head of the table with the master of the house. One +wants to be the secretary, that he may display his power of fine +writing when he asks the resident nobility and gentry for their +subscriptions, and draws up the final report for the press. Another +thinks he should be made chairman of the acting committee, because he +imagines he has the gift of eloquence, and he would like to use the +time of the association in airing his syntax. A third puts in his +claim to be elected one of the judges of things he does not +understand, because his son-in-law is to be an exhibitor, and he would +be glad to be able to say a good word for him; and all decline those +offices which have no outside show, where only work is to be done and +no credit gained. It requires a considerable amount of tact and +firmness to withstand these clamorous vanities, to put the right men +in the right places, and yet not make enmities which will last a +lifetime. But if the thing is to succeed at all, this is what must be +done; and the little committee must stick to its text of _pro bono +publico_ as steadfastly as if the flower-show were a conqueror's +triumph, and the rules and regulations for its fit management consular +decrees. + +When the eventful day arrives, every one feels that the eyes of +England are indeed turned hither-ward. If the great people are +languid, the meaner folks are jocund, and the stewards are as proud as +the proudest ædiles of old Rome. Their knots of coloured ribbon make +new men of them for the time, and justify the instinct which puts its +trust in regalia. They are sure to be on the ground from the earliest +hours in the morning; and though scoffers might perhaps question the +practical value of their zeal, no one can doubt its heartiness. If it +is fussy, it is genuine; and as every one is fussy alike, they cannot +complain of one another. A band has been lent by a neighbouring +regiment, and the men come radiant into the little town. It is +delightful to see the cordial condescension with which the trombone +and the cornet, the serpent and the drum shake hands with their +civilian friends; and how the fine fellows in scarlet accept drinks +quite fraternally from fustian and corderoy. For a full half-hour the +town is kept alive by the dazzle and resonance of these musical heroes +as they stand before the door of the 'public' which they have elected +to patronize, and lighten the pockets of the lieges by the successive +'go's' drained out of them. Then the church clock chimes the appointed +hour; the last flag is run up; the finishing touch is given to the +calico and the moss; the last award has been affixed; and the +policeman stationed at the gate to keep order among the little boys +has tightened his belt and drawn on his gloves ready for action. The +band marches through the town, drums beating and fifes playing, and +when the gates are opened as the clock is on the stroke of twelve, +they are all settled in their places with their music handy, ready to +salute the gentry with the overture from _Zampa_, taken in false time. +The imposing effect however, is rather marred by the friendly feelings +of the public; for when jolly farmers and small boys insist on sharing +the benches assigned to the red coats, the orchestra has necessarily a +patchwork kind of look that does not add to its dignity. + +The great people do their duty as they ought, and come in their +carriages; which make a show and give an air of regality to the +affair. Many of them have had early high-priced tickets given to them +in consideration of their subscribed guineas; it being held the right +thing to do to give to those who can afford to pay, trusting to the +pence of the multitude for the rest. Nevertheless these great +creatures regard their presence there as a _corvée_ which they must +fulfil, but at the least cost possible to themselves; so they make up +parties to meet at a certain time, and endure the stewards, who talk +fine and are important, with the best philosophy granted them by +nature. When the second prices come, then the real fun of the fair +begins. The great people are uninterested. The indifferently grown +flowers which are offered for prizes do not call forth their +enthusiasm; but the smaller folk think them superb, and express their +admiration with unstinted delight. When the gardener of a neighbouring +lord exhibits a good specimen from his choicest plants, not for +competition but as a model for imitation, their enthusiasm knows no +bounds; and a fine alamanda or a richly-coloured dracæna receives +almost divine honours. As a rule, the flowers in these local shows are +poor enough; but the fruit is often good and the vegetables are +magnificent. The highest efforts of competition are usually devoted to +onions and beans; but potatoes come in for their due share, and the +summer celery is for the most part an instance of misdirected power. +The great houses carry off the first prizes--the poor little cottage +plots, cultivated at odd hours under difficulties, not touching them +in value. The gentlemen say they give their prizes to their gardeners; +but that does not help the cottagers who have spent time and money and +hope in this unequal struggle of pigmies with giants. In some places +they divide the classes, and give prizes to the gentlefolks apart, and +to the cottagers by themselves. In which case they fulfil the +Scriptures literally, and give most to those who already have most. + +All the local oddities are sure to be at these fêtes. There is the +harmless imbecile, who wanders about the roads with a peacock's +feather in his battered old cap, and who talks to himself when he +cannot find another listener; and there is the stalwart lady +proprietor who farms her own land and knows as much about roots and +beasts as the best of them. She is reported to have thrashed her man +in her time, and is said to be a crack shot and the best roughrider +for miles round. There is the ruined yeoman who came into a good +property when he was a handsome young fellow with the ball at his +foot, but who has drunk himself from affluence to penury, and from +sturdy health to palsy and delirium tremens, yet who has always a +kindly word from his betters, having been no man's enemy but his own, +and even at his worst being a good fellow in a sort of way. There is +the farmer who is supposed capable of buying up all the leaner gentry +in a batch, but who, being a misogynist, lives by himself in his +rambling old ruined Hall, with a hind to do the scullery maid's work, +and never a petticoat about the place. There is the self-taught man of +science whose quantities are shaky when he tells you the names of his +treasures, but whose knowledge of local fossils, of rare plants, of +concealed antiquities, is true so far as it goes, if of too great +importance in his estimate of things; and side by side with him is the +self-made poet, whose verses are not always easy to scan and whose +thoughts are apt to express themselves mistily. These and more are +sure to be at the fête bringing; their peculiarities as their quota, +and giving that indescribable but pleasant local flavour which is half +the interest of the thing. + +There is a great deal of practical democracy in these gatherings if +the grand people stay into the time of the second prices; which +however, they generally do not. If they do, then ragged coats jostle +the squire's glossy broadcloth, and rude boys crumple the fresh silks +and muslins of the ladies with the most communistic unconcern. The +shopgirl and farmer's daughters come out in gorgeous array, with +bonnets and skirts, streamers and furbelows, of wonderful +construction; and their sisters of more cultivated taste regard their +exaggerated toilets as moral crimes. But the poor things are happy in +their ugly finery; and, as millinery is by no means an exact science, +they may be pardoned if they adopt monstrosities on their own account +which a year or so ago had been sanctioned by fashion. Sometimes Punch +and Judy, 'as performed before the Queen and Prince Albert,' helps on +the enjoyment of the day, with the '----' softened out of respect for +the clergyman. Sometimes an acrobat lies down on the grass and twirls +a huge ball between his feet, which sets all the little boys to do the +like in imitation, and perhaps brings down many a maternal hand on +fleshy places as the result. In some localities a troop of little +girls in scarlet and white plait ribbons dance round a maypole and are +called inappropriately morris-dancers. Perhaps there are fireworks at +the end of all things; when the set pieces will not light +simultaneously in all their parts, the catherine-wheels have the +disastrous trick of sticking, and only the Roman candles and the +rockets succeed as they should. But the gaping crowd is vociferous and +good-natured, and holds the whole affair to have been splendid. There +is a great deal of coarse jollity among the men and women over the +failures and successes alike, and if the fête is in the North there is +sure to be more drink afloat than is desirable. Headaches are the rule +of the next morning, with perhaps some things lost which can never be +regained. Yet, in spite of the inevitable abuses, these local fêtes +are things worthy of encouragement; and perhaps if the great people +would enter into them more heartily, and remain on the ground longer, +the lower orders would behave themselves better all through, and there +would not be so much rowdyism at the end. It does not seem to us that +this would be an unendurable sacrifice of time and personal dignity +for the pleasure and morality of the neighbourhood where one lives. + + +THE END. + + S. & H. + + _Spottiswoode & Co., Printers, New-street Square, London._ + + + + +RICHARD BENTLEY & SON'S + +LIST OF ANNOUNCEMENTS + +_FOR THE NEW SEASON_. + + +I. + +BY THE CROWN PRINCE OF AUSTRIA. + + TRAVELS in the EAST: including a Visit to the Holy Land, Egypt, + the Ionian Islands, &c. By HIS IMPERIAL AND ROYAL HIGHNESS THE + CROWN PRINCE RUDOLPH. In royal 8vo. With Portrait and numerous + Illustrations. + + +II. + +BY R. P. A. KENNARD. + + A MEMOIR of RICHARD BETHELL, First Baron Westbury. By RICHARD P. + A. KENNARD. In 1 vol. demy 8vo. + + +III. + +BY MR. E. YATES. + + FIFTY YEARS of LONDON LIFE. By EDMUND YATES. In demy 8vo. With + Portraits. + + +IV. + +BY MRS. LYNN LINTON. + + ESSAYS UPON SOCIAL SUBJECTS: The Girl of the Period, and other + Papers. 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(Uniform in size with 'The + History of Antiquity.') + + Professor DUNCKER'S History of Greece gives an account of Hellas + and its civilisation from the earliest times down to the + overthrow of the Persians at Salamis and Platæa. + + VOL. I.:--I. THE GREEKS IN THE EARLIEST AGE. II. THEIR CONQUEST + AND MIGRATIONS. + + +XX. + +BY CAPTAIN CLAUDE CONDER. + + HETH and MOAB. A Narrative of Exploration in Syria. By Captain + CLAUDE REGNIER CONDER, R.E. In 1 vol. demy 8vo. + + +XXI. + +BY MISS MITFORD. + + RECOLLECTIONS of a LITERARY LIFE. With Selections from her + Favourite Poets and Prose Writers. By MARY RUSSELL MITFORD. A + New Edition, in 1 vol. crown 8vo. with Portrait. 6s. + + +London: RICHARD BENTLEY & SON, New Burlington Street, +_Publishers in Ordinary to Her Majesty the Queen_. + + * * * * * + +Transcriber's note: + Minor spelling and punctuation inconsistencies, mainly hyphenated + words, have been harmonized. In this version, the oe ligature is + represented by the separate characters oe, e.g. manoeuvre. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Girl of the Period and Other +Social Essays, Vol. II (of 2), by Eliza Lynn Linton + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 41736 *** |